initial commit of ebook 20375HEADmain

2 files changed, 18659 insertions, 0 deletions

diff --git a/old/20375.txt b/old/20375.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..983fc9c
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/20375.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,18659 @@
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Watch Yourself Go By, by Al. G. Field
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Watch Yourself Go By
+
+Author: Al. G. Field
+
+Illustrator: Ben W. Warden
+
+Release Date: January 15, 2007 [EBook #20375]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WATCH YOURSELF GO BY ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Jacqueline Jeremy, Suzanne Shell and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: AL. G. FIELD, COURT AND SCOTT]
+
+
+
+
+WATCH
+YOURSELF
+GO BY
+
+A BOOK BY
+AL. G. FIELD
+
+COLUMBUS, OHIO
+
+1912
+
+
+
+
+Copyrighted by Al. G. Field, 1912
+
+Illustrated by Ben W. Warden
+
+
+
+
+Introductory
+
+
+WATCH YOURSELF GO BY
+
+    Just stand aside and watch yourself go by;
+    Think of yourself as "he" instead of "I."
+    Note closely, as in other men you note,
+    The bag-kneed trousers and the seedy coat.
+    Pick the flaws; find fault; forget the man is you,
+    And strive to make your estimate ring true;
+    Confront yourself and look you in the eye--
+    Just stand aside and watch yourself go by.
+
+    Interpret all your motives just as though
+    You looked on one whose aims you did not know.
+    Let undisguised contempt surge through you when
+    You see you shirk, O commonest of men!
+    Despise your cowardice; condemn whate'er
+    You note of falseness in you anywhere.
+    Defend not one defect that shames your eye--
+    Just stand aside and watch yourself go by.
+
+    And then, with eyes unveiled to what you loathe--
+    To sins that with sweet charity you'd clothe--
+    Back to your self-walled tenements you'll go
+    With tolerance for all who dwell below.
+    The faults of others then will dwarf and shrink,
+    Love's chain grow stronger by one mighty link--
+    When you, with "he" as substitute for "I,"
+    Have stood aside and watched yourself go by.
+
+        S. W. GILLILAND, in _Penberthy Engineer_.
+
+"To whom will you dedicate your book?" inquired George Spahr.
+
+Well, I hinted to my wife and Pearl that I desired to bestow that honor
+upon them. They did not exactly demur, but both intimated that I had
+best dedicate it to some friend in the far distance who would probably
+never read it, or to some dear friend who had passed away and had no
+relatives living.
+
+Several others approached did not seem to crave the honor, therefore I
+herewith dedicate this book to Court; not that he is the best and truest
+friend I ever possessed, but for the reason that should the book not be
+received with favor he will respect me just the same. He will hunt for
+me, he will watch for me, he will love me all the more devotedly, serve
+me all the more faithfully, though the book were discredited. The more I
+see of dogs, the better I like dogs.
+
+It is claimed there is a kind of physiognomy in the title of a book by
+which a skilful observer will know as well what to expect from its
+contents as one does reading the lines. I flatter myself this claim will
+be disproved in this book.
+
+I am proud of the book, not that it contains much of literary merit, not
+that I ever hope it will be a "best seller," but for the reason it has
+afforded me days of enjoyment. In the writing of it I have communed with
+those whom I love.
+
+If those who peruse this book extract half the pleasure from reading its
+pages that has come to me while writing them, I will be satisfied.
+
+    AL. G. FIELD.
+
+Maple Villa Farm,
+  July 4, 1912.
+
+
+
+
+WATCH YOURSELF GO BY
+
+AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER ONE
+
+    Trust no prayer or promise,
+      Words are grains of sand;
+    To keep your heart unbroken
+      Hold your child in hand.
+
+
+"Al-f-u-r-d!" "Al-f-u-r-d!!" "Al-f-u-r-d!!!"
+
+The last syllable, drawn out the length of an expiring breath, was the
+first sound recorded on the memory of the First Born. Indeed, constant
+repetition of the word, day to day, so filled his brain cells with
+"Al-f-u-r-d" that it was years after he realized his given patronymic
+was Alfred.
+
+[Illustration: The Old Well]
+
+"Al-f-u-r-d!" "Al-f-u-r-d!"--A woman's voice, strong and penetrating,
+strengthened by years of voice culture in calling cows, sheep, pigs,
+chickens and other farm-yard companions. The voice came in swelling
+waves, growing in menace, from around the corner of as quaint an old
+farm-house as ever sheltered a happy family. In the wake of the voice
+followed a round, rosy woman of blood and brawn, with muscular arms and
+sturdy limbs that carried her over grass and gravel at a pace that soon
+brought her within reach of the prey pursued--a boy of four years, in
+flapping pantalets and gingham frock.
+
+The "boy" was headed for the family well as fast as his toddling legs
+could carry him. Forbidden, punished, guarded, the child lost no
+opportunity to climb to the top of the square enclosure and wonderingly
+peer down into the depths of the well. To prevent his falling headlong
+to his death--a calamity frequently predicted--was the principal concern
+of all the family.
+
+As the women folks were more often in the big kitchen than elsewhere,
+it became, as a matter of convenience, the daily prison of the First
+Born. The board, across the open doorway, and the eternal vigilance
+of his guards, did not prevent his starting several times daily on a
+pilgrimage towards the old well. The turning of a head, the absence
+of the guards from the kitchen for a moment, were the looked-for
+opportunities--crawling under or over the wooden bar, and starting
+in childish glee for the old well.
+
+Previous to the time of this narrative, the race invariably resulted in
+the capture of "young hopeful" ere the well was reached. The shrill cry:
+"Al-f-u-r-d!" "Al-f-u-r-d!" always closely followed by the young woman
+who did the scouting for the other guards, brought him to a halt. He was
+lifted bodily, thrown high into the air, caught in strong, loving arms
+as he came down, roughly hugged and good-naturedly spanked, and carried
+triumphantly back to his prison--the kitchen. Here, seated upon the
+floor, he was roundly lectured by three women, who in turn charged one
+another with his escape. It was never _his_ fault. Someone had turned a
+head to look at the clock, or the browning bread in the oven, turning to
+look at the cause of the controversy, not infrequently he was found
+astride the prison bar, or scampering down the path.
+
+That old well, or its counterpart, was surely the inspiration of "_The
+Old Oaken Bucket_." However, their author was never imbued with
+fascination as alluring as that which influenced the First Born in his
+desire to solve the, to him, mystery of the old well.
+
+The more his elders coaxed, bribed and threatened, the more vividly they
+depicted its dangers, the more determined he became to explore its
+darkened depths. The old well became a part of the child's life. He
+talked of it by day and dreamed of it by night. The big windlass, with
+its coil of seemingly never-ending chain, winding and unwinding,
+lowering and raising the old, oaken bucket green with age, full and
+flowing; the cooling water oozing between the age-warped staves,
+nurturing the green grasses growing about the box-like enclosure. How
+cooling the grass was to his feet as on tip-toes peeking over the top of
+the enclosure down into that which seemed to his childish imagination a
+fathomless abyss, so deep that ray of sun or glint of moon never
+penetrated to the surface of the water. The clanging of the chain, the
+grinding of the heavy bucket bumping against the walled circle as it
+descended, and the splash as it struck the water, were uncanny sounds to
+the boy's ears. The desire to look down, down into the old well's hidden
+secrets became to him almost a frenzy. The echoes coming up from its
+shadowy depths were as those of a haunted glen.
+
+He reasoned that all men and women were created to guard the well and
+that it was his only duty in life to thwart them.
+
+Balmy spring, with its song birds, buzzing bees and sweet-smelling
+blossoms, coaxed every living thing out of doors; everything, except the
+First Born and his guards.
+
+Such was the situation when the bees swarmed. The guards "pricked up
+their ears," then, with eyes looking heavenward, and snatching up tin
+pans which they beat with spoons, sleigh-bells and other objects, they
+rushed from the kitchen to work the usual charm of the country folk in
+settling the swarming bees.
+
+Thus unguarded, the little prisoner, carrying a three-legged stool that
+aided him in surmounting the bar across the kitchen door, trekked for
+the old well. Planting the stool at one side of the square enclosure, he
+looked down into the cavernous depths; leaning far over, reached for the
+chain, with the intention of lowering the bucket, as he had often seen
+his elders do.
+
+"Al-f-u-r-d!" "Al-f-u-r-d!"
+
+And the sound of hurrying feet only urged the boy on. He had caught hold
+of the bucket and was leaning far over the dark opening when he felt a
+heavy hand upon his shoulders, and himself lifted from his high perch,
+only to be dropped sprawling on the ground with a shower of tin pans
+rattling about his devoted head. Then the women, half fainting from
+fright, fell upon him, each in a desperate effort to first embrace him
+in thankfulness over his rescue from falling into the well.
+
+When the women recovered their "shock" the First Born was lustily
+yelling for papa. Mamma had him across her knee and was administering
+the first full-fledged, unalloyed spanking of his childish existence. He
+scarcely understood at first, then the full meaning of the threats the
+guards had used to cure him of his one absorbing mania began sifting
+into his brain through another part of his anatomy. He promised never,
+never again to peep into the old well. The guards believed him and for
+days thereafter he lived blissfully on their praises, while everyone,
+directly or indirectly interested, conceded that mamma's "spanks" had
+finally broken the charm of the old well for the boy.
+
+However, the little prisoner was removed to another cell--the big, front
+room upstairs--the door securely locked. A large, open window looked out
+upon the front yard and below the window near the house was the old
+well.
+
+One evening the men, returning from the field, halted to slake their
+thirst at the well, the up-coming of the old oaken bucket brought from
+its depths a half-knit woolen sock and a ball of yarn. A strand of yarn
+reaching to the window above told the story.
+
+Later, a turkey wing, used as a fan in summer and to furnish wind for an
+obdurate wood fire in winter, was found limply swimming in the bucket.
+Indeed, for days thereafter, divers articles, missed from the big, front
+room, accompanied the bucket on its return trips. When one of grandpap's
+well-worn Sunday boots was brought to the surface, it was believed that
+the last of the missing articles from the big room had been recovered.
+However, the disappearance of grandma's little mantelpiece clock was
+never explained.
+
+Uncle Joe and Aunt Betsy stopped their old mare in front of the house
+and in chorus shouted "Hello!" as was the custom of neighbors passing on
+their way to or from town. The whole family, including "Al-f-u-r-d,"
+betook themselves to the roadside to gossip. "Al-f-u-r-d," busy as
+usual, clambered up over the muddy wheels into the vehicle. He was
+praised by uncle and aunt for his obedience, and promised candy when
+they returned from town. Clambering down he missed his footing and
+narrowly escaped being trampled upon by the old mare who was vigorously
+stamping and swishing her tail to keep off the flies.
+
+Dragged from under the buggy he was soon out of the minds of the
+gossiping group, curiosity drew him to the old well. Circling it at a
+respectful distance, he said:
+
+"Naughty ole well, don't thry to coax me 'caus I won't play with you,
+nor look down in you never no more. There!"
+
+Passing to the side farthest from the unsuspecting guards, the handle of
+the windlass was within his reach. Instinctively the desire seized him
+to lower the bucket, pulling out the ratchet that held it, the old oaken
+bucket began its unimpeded descent. Slowly at first, gaining momentum
+with each revolution of the windlass, down it fell, bumping against the
+sides of the well, chain clanging and windlass whirring. It struck the
+bottom with a splash that re-echoed, followed by a woman's scream so
+piercing that the old mare started forward.
+
+It flashed on the minds of all that at last their predictions were
+verified. It was all up with "Al-f-u-r-d." They pictured him falling,
+falling--down, down--his bruised, bleeding body sinking to the
+bottomless depths of the old well.
+
+[Illustration: Uncle Joe and Aunt Betsy]
+
+Uncle Joe's feet caught in the handle of a market basket as he leaped
+from the buggy and the greater number of his dozens of fresh eggs
+reached the roadside a scrambled mass. The women guards gave vent to a
+series of screams that brought the men hurrying from the fields.
+
+"Al-f-r-u-d" was found, limp and apparently lifeless, his head tucked
+under his body, clothes over his head, exposing the larger part of his
+anatomy--a pitiable lump, lying in the sandy path twenty feet from the
+well. The handle of the windlass had caught him across the shoulders,
+sending him flying through the air. For days thereafter "Al-f-u-r-d" was
+swathed in bandages and bathed with liniments; for a time, at least, the
+family was free from the cares of guarding the old well.
+
+The old well has given way to a modern pump, the old house has been
+remodeled, but the impressions herein recorded are as clear to the
+memory of the man today as they were to the child of that long ago.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER TWO
+
+    Trouble comes night and day,
+      In this world unheedin',
+    But there's light to find the way--
+      That is all we're needin'.
+
+
+"Al-f-u-r-d-!" "Al-f-u-r-d!" Al-f-u-r-d!"
+
+Town life had not diminished the volume of Malinda Linn's voice. It was
+far-reaching as ever. Malinda was familiarly called "Lin"--in print the
+name looks unnatural and Chinese-like. Lin Linn was about the whole
+works in the family. Her duties were calling, seeking and changing the
+apparel of "Al-f-u-r-d", duties she discharged with a mixture of
+scoldings and caresses.
+
+When the family moved to town to live, Lin became impressed with the
+propriety of bestowing the full baptismal name upon the First Born, and
+to his open-eyed wonderment, he was addressed as "Alfred Griffith." But
+when Lin called him from afar--and she usually had to call him, and then
+go after him--it was always "Al-f-u-r-d!"
+
+A bunch of misery, pale and limp, was lying in the family garden between
+two rows of tomato vines, the earth about him disturbed from his
+intermittent spasms. A big, greenish, yellowish worm was crawling over
+his head, his tow-like hair whiter by contrast; upon his forehead great
+drops of perspiration.
+
+[Illustration: The First Cigar]
+
+He heard Lin's calls but could not answer. He half opened his eyes as
+she approached him. Berating him roundly for hiding from her, bending
+over him, the pallor of his face frightened her. Her screams would have
+abashed a Camanche Indian. Tenderly taking up the almost unconscious
+boy, she hastened toward the house, frightened members of the family and
+several nearby neighbors attracted by her screams.
+
+Crowded around "Al-f-u-r-d" all busied themselves in assisting in
+placing him in bed. His hands were rubbed, his brow bathed, the air
+about agitated with a big palm-leaf fan while the doctor was summoned.
+
+When the family doctor arrived "Al-f-u-r-d's" shirt-waist was opened in
+front and a big, greenish, yellowish worm fell to the floor. This, and
+that sickening smell of green tomato vines, assisted the good doctor in
+his diagnosis. To know the disease is the beginning of the cure. Hot
+water and mustard administered in copious draughts, the little
+rebellious stomach, made more so by this treatment, began sending up
+returns. Thus was relieved "the worst case of tomato poisoning that had,
+up to that time, come under the doctor's observation."
+
+At that time the tomato had not long been an edible. Indeed many persons
+refused to consider them as such, growing them for merely ornamental
+purposes, displaying them on mantels and window sills. Tomatoes were
+commonly called "Jerusalem" or "Love Apples." On this occasion the
+doctor dilated at length on its past bad reputation and the lurking
+poison contained in vine and fruit.
+
+The blinds were lowered and Alfred slept. The nurses tiptoed from the
+room, to return, tip-toeing to the bed to see how he was resting, then
+returning to the kitchen to advise the anxious ones there that he was
+resting easy.
+
+Poor Lin was "near distracted" no sooner was it announced that
+"Al-f-u-r-d" was out of danger than she began gathering the "green
+tomattisus" lying in irregular rows on various window sills to ripen in
+the sun, giving vent to her pent-up "feelings" thus:
+
+"Huh! Tomattisus! Never was made to eat. They ain't no good, no-way.
+Pap's right. They're called Jerusalem apples 'caus they wuz first
+planted by the Jews, who knowed their enemies would eat 'em an' git
+pizened an' die of cancers, an' Lord knows what else."
+
+She carried the offending fruit to the family swill barrel, where the
+leavings of the table were deposited. As she raised one big tomato to
+drop it into the barrel, her hand paused, as she soliloquized:
+
+"No, If tomattisus will pizen pee-pul, they'll pizen hogs. They ain't
+fit for hogs nohow. They ain't fit fer nuthin' but heathens an' sich
+like, as oughter be pizened."
+
+Turning to one of several neighbors, whose looks denoted disapproval of
+wilful waste, she benevolently emptied the tomatoes into the woman's
+upheld apron, remarking:
+
+"Lordy. Yer welcome to 'em if yer folks like 'em an' ain't carin' much
+when they die. Take 'em. Ye kin have 'em an' welcome."
+
+While the father was yanking the noxious tomato plants out by the roots
+and sprinkling the ground with lime, "Al-f-u-r-d" began showing symptoms
+of returning life. After the nurses had tiptoed from the room,
+supposedly leaving him in deep slumber, he threw back the linen sheets
+and slid from the bed on the side farthest from the open door leading to
+the kitchen. Cautiously creeping to where lay his trousers--inserting a
+hand in the deep pocket, which had been put in by Lin by special
+request--he drew out two long, dark, worm-like objects, holding them at
+arm's length gagging anew at even the sight of them. Staggering to the
+cupboard dropping them into a box half filled with similar worm-like
+objects, he staggered back to bed as quickly as his weakened condition
+would permit, suppressing another upheaval of his stomach with greatest
+effort.
+
+Notwithstanding the objects mentioned were Ed. Hurd's best
+three-for-a-cent stogies, and "Al-f-u-r-d" had smoked less than four of
+the six inches of one of the big, black cigars, the stub of which he had
+buried near the spot where Lin found him, it was several days before he
+took kindly to food, or, as was generally supposed, had wholly thrown
+off the baneful effects of the tomato poisoning.
+
+While convalescing, afternoon walks were taken near home, circling the
+Episcopal Church, back through the old, green graveyard, or a little
+lower down the hill where the village boys could be seen and heard
+swimming and splashing in the river. To take part in this sport, to get
+to the river, to plunge into its cooling depths, "Al-f-u-r-d" had a
+soul-yearning, even more powerful than that of the old well. But he had
+been sworn, bribed, placed upon his honor and threatened with dire
+tortures, should he even venture nearer the river than the top of the
+hill.
+
+The yearning would not down. It grew in intensity. He would stand on the
+front rail of his trundle bed, night and morning, with arms extended
+above him, palms together, to dive, to split the imaginary water, take a
+header into the soft, downy tick; then thresh his arms about in swimming
+fashion as he had seen the big boys cavort in the river.
+
+Nearer and nearer to the river his newest allurement carried him, until
+one day he found himself on a strange path leading into a large yard in
+which stood a neat, white house, with green blinds. Purling at his feet,
+bubbling from an invisible source, was a brook of clear, cold water.
+Very cold it felt to his bare feet as he waded up and down over it's
+sandy, pebbly bed, the water reaching barely to his ankles. Wading
+nearer to the fountain head, the depth gradually increased. Here was
+young hopeful's long-sought-for opportunity to dive, swim and otherwise
+disport himself as did the big boys. Off came pantalets, waist and
+undercoverings, through the pure, cold water he waded. With teeth
+chattering and flesh quivering, holding his hands above his head, under
+he went.
+
+He was having the time of his life, and so busy was he at it that his
+attention was not attracted by the opening of a door in the nearby white
+house and the sudden appearance of an elderly, grim-looking woman behind
+a pair of gold-rimmed spectacles; brandishing a long, swinging buggy
+whip, with broad, bright bands here and there along its length. Rushing
+toward the boy, she angrily shouted:
+
+"You little scamp, I'll skin ye alive!"
+
+"Al-f-u-r-d," with a cry, bounded from the water, grabbed for his
+clothes, missed them, and started on a race at a pace that left no doubt
+as to the winner. A big dog and another elderly woman--the counterpart
+of her-behind-the-spectacles--joined in the chase, the dog's deep bays
+greatly accelerating the already beat-all-record-time of the terrified
+"Al-f-u-r-d."
+
+As he neared the parental roof, he let out a series of yells with
+"Mother!" "Lin!" "Help!" "Murder!" sandwiched between. The nearer he
+drew, the louder the yelps, for he knew he would need sympathy, even
+though the gold-rimmed glasses and the other elderly pursuer had been
+distanced by many lengths.
+
+Lin said when she first heard the screams, she "thought it was only the
+old crazy woman under the hill havin' another spell. But when they come
+gittin' nearer an' nearer, she knew it was "Al-f-u-r-d" an' somethin'
+turrible had happened." It was then Lin, mother and several neighboring
+females rushed to the front door as "Al-f-u-r-d" flew in at the gate, up
+the path and into his mother's outstretched arms, endeavoring to pull
+her apron about his nudity.
+
+"Where's your clothes?" demanded the frightened mother. "Where are
+they?" "Who took them off you?"
+
+"She did! She did!" howled "Al-f-u-r-d," jerking his head toward the
+gate, just as the elderly woman behind the spectacles entered. Trembling
+with fear she began to explain and apologize to Lin and the mother,
+frequently turning to "Al-f-u-r-d" to entreat him to come to her,
+assuring him that he need not fear her. But the big buggy whip, with the
+silver bands, dangled above his head and the more she entreated the
+louder his yells and the further he forced himself into his mother's
+garments.
+
+[Illustration: She Did! She Did!]
+
+Lin grabbed his clothes from the spectacled lady berating both soundly,
+giving them but little opportunity to explain. Others joined in the
+wordy attack, much to the elderly woman's confusion and shame. The fact
+that they were old maids, living alone and associating with but few of
+their neighbors, lent bitterness to the invectives hurled at them, the
+climax was reached with a parting shot from Lin:
+
+"Drat ye!" she exclaimed, "if ye had yungins of yer own--which is lucky
+for 'em that ye haven't--ye'd have some hearts in yer withered old
+frames."
+
+The spectacled maiden, apparently more frightened than the other, began
+to feel what a monster she was, what an awful crime she had committed,
+following an embarrassing pause, the effect of Lin's final shot, mother
+again demanded the cause of "Al-f-u-r-d's" nudity.
+
+"I s'pose I ought to have pulled down the blinds," she began
+apologetically, "and let him have his swim out. Likely it wouldn't have
+hurt the spring much. Still a body doesn't like to drink water out of a
+spring that a boy's been swimmin' in, no matter if his folks are clean
+about their house-keeping."
+
+She was certainly sorry and so anxious to caress "Al-f-u-r-d" that she
+and the mother made it up, then and there, and many an afternoon
+thereafter did the two spend together bemoaning the evil spirit that had
+prompted the boy to make a swimming hole of the family spring.
+
+Kindly invitations nor the promise of sponge cake ever induced
+"Al-f-u-r-d" to again visit the grounds, or the white house with green
+blinds, a buggy whip with silver bands on it, a big dog and two old
+maids who, according to Lin, "didn't know nuthin' 'bout children."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THREE
+
+    In the heydey of youth
+      He was awfully green,
+    As verdant in truth
+      As you have ever seen;
+    But he soon learned to know beans
+      So it seems.
+
+
+"There's shorely sumthin' 'bout water that bewitches that boy," often
+remarked Lin. "I never seen the like of it. I'll bet anything he'll be a
+Baptis' preacher some day, jes' like Billy Hickman."
+
+There never was a boy reared in Brownsville whose heart does not beat a
+little faster, whose breath does not come a little quicker, whose cheeks
+do not turn a little redder when his mind goes back to the old swimming
+place near Johnson's saw-mill, where the big rafts of lumber were moored
+seemingly for the pleasure and convenience of every boy in town. The big
+boys had their spring-boards for diving on the outside where the current
+was swifter, the water deeper, the little ones their mud slides and
+boards to paddle about and float on in the shallow, still water between
+the rafts and the bank.
+
+There may have been factions and social distinctions as between the
+inhabitants of the little town when garbed and groomed, but in the
+nudity of the old swimming place there was a common level, and all met
+on an equal footing.
+
+James G. Blaine, Philander C. Knox, Professor John Brashear and many
+others, who have climbed the ladder of Fame, were boys among boys in
+this old swimming hole. It was here they were given their first lessons
+in courage and self-reliance.
+
+A balmy afternoon in late June the boys of the town were in swimming;
+"Al-f-u-r-d" could plainly hear their shouts of glee as he sat in the
+front yard at home. How he longed to participate in their sports. What
+wouldn't he give to be free like other boys? Was there ever a boy who
+did not feel that he was imposed upon, who did not imagine he was abused
+above all others? Such was the feeling of "Al-f-u-r-d".
+
+He had been subjected to a scrubbing. Lin had unmercifully bored into
+his ears with a towel shaped like a gimlet at one corner, assuring his
+mother he was "dirtier 'an the dirtiest coal digger in town." He was
+arrayed in a clean gingham suit, topped with an emaculate white shirt,
+flowing collar and straw hat. Lin spent a long time in curling his hair
+despite protests. Those curls were "Al-f-u-r-d's" abomination. The more
+he abominated them the longer they grew. They reached down to the middle
+of his back. Arranged in a semi-circle, extending from temple to temple,
+they made his head appear so abnormally large his slender body seemed
+scarcely able to support it. He seemed top-heavy with his long curls.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"Al-f-u-r-d" was to go alone to grandfather's and escort him home to
+dinner. There was to be company, and Lin was determined that
+"Al-f-u-r-d" and his curls should appear at their best.
+
+The road of life starts the same for all of God's children. The innocent
+babe, fresh fallen from heaven to blossom on earth, sees nothing but the
+beautiful at the beginning of the journey. The road is strewn with
+flowers and it is only when the prick of the thorn is felt that one
+realizes one is on the wrong road.
+
+For just one short block "Al-f-u-r-d," on the occasion referred to,
+traversed the right road. There the right road turned abruptly to the
+left. There was no road "straight ahead," but the river was there. The
+sound of boys' voices shouting in high glee came floating up from the
+old swimming place. School had let out and every boy in town was in
+swimming. "Al-f-u-r-d" blazed a new trail to the river. Climbing over
+the paling fence surrounding the burying ground, through back yards,
+descending the steep hill, he found himself standing on the bank of the
+river gazing at a spectacle that stirred his young blood--half a hundred
+nude boys diving, splashing, swimming and shouting were in the river
+below.
+
+[Illustration: The New Boy in Town]
+
+His appearance was greeted with yells and laughter. He was a "new boy"
+in town. "Al-f-u-r-d" was abashed by the reception accorded him. Of all
+the howling horde in the water below there was but one familiar face,
+that of Cousin Charley.
+
+"Take off your curls and come on in, Sissy," shouted one of the
+swimmers. A dozen of them assured "Al-f-u-r-d" the water was "jest
+bully." Entreaties of "Come on in," came from dozens of boys. Advice of
+all kinds came from others.
+
+The reference to the curls made "Al-f-u-r-d" wince. He had long felt
+that those curls were the one great impediment in his life--the one
+something that made him the butt of the jokes and gibes of other boys.
+He hated those curls. His first swimming experience doubly intensified
+his hatred for curls.
+
+Evening was drawing near. The big yellow sun had dropped behind Krepp's
+Knob, the shadows of the hills almost reached across the ruffled surface
+of the river. The river bottoms at the base of the hills, with their
+waving grasses and tassled corn, extending beyond the bend in the river
+opposite Albany, the old wooden bridge farther up the river, the high
+hills behind him, presented a scene of beauty all of which was lost upon
+"Al-f-u-r-d." The boys in the river held him entranced. He was absorbed
+in the scene, and, for the moment, he even forgot his curls.
+
+Writers frequently refer to the Monongahela River as "murky"--but
+where's the boy who ever basked in its cooling waves who will not
+qualify the statement that its waters are the clearest, its depths the
+most delightful, its ripples the softest and its shores the smoothest?
+
+Jimmy Edmiston intimated to the writer that the Monongahela was only
+clear during a "Cheat River Rise." (Cheat is the name of a small stream
+of Virginia emptying into the Monongahela above Brownsville. Its waters
+are never muddy, no matter how heavy or protracted the rains along its
+course. When the Cheat River pours its transparent flood into the
+Monongahela the latter rises without riling. Hence the expression:
+"Cheat River rise.")
+
+Jimmy has so long lived away from Brownsville that his memory is
+defective. Associated with the muddy Missouri he labors under the
+delusion that all rivers are muddy--even the Monongahela.
+
+[Illustration: The Old Swimming Hole]
+
+"Al-f-u-r-d" was rudely caught from behind by several boys, undressed in
+less time than it took Lin to hang the hat on his curls. Nor had he
+barely been reduced to a state of nudity when some unregenerate in the
+river below let fly a lump of soft, mushy mud, large as a gourd. The mud
+landed squarely on the broader part of his slight anatomy. With a yelp
+he wiggled loose from his captors and bounded up the hill. His slender
+legs and body, topped with the large crop of atmospherically agitated
+curls, made him a figure so ludicrous that the boys yelled in ecstacy at
+the sight.
+
+"Al-f-u-r-d" was recaptured by two stout-armed boys, one on either side.
+They carried him to the top of the "mudslide." "Slick 'er up," came the
+cry from all sides. This had reference to the slide upon which fell a
+veritable cloudburst of water splashed up from the river by the hands of
+a dozen devilish youngsters.
+
+"Al-f-u-r-d" was elevated to the height of the heads of his tormentors.
+In chorus from the mob at the words, "One, two, three," he was dropped
+to the slide, striking its soft, slick surface in an angular attitude,
+with feet and legs waving a strenuous protest above his head. The fall
+gave him a momentum that sent him over the slippery surface at a speed
+that rushed him into the river with eyes and mouth wide open. With a
+splash, under he went, forcing great gulps of water down his throat.
+Strangling and choking, he came to the surface, spouting like a whale
+calf.
+
+[Illustration: The Slippery Slide]
+
+What a shout of merriment went up from his tormentors. Barely had he
+taken in a full breath than a bad boy--they were all bad, at least
+"Al-f-u-r-d" so informed Lin afterwards--again forced his head under
+water.
+
+"Duck 'im agin!" someone shouted as his curls floated on the surface of
+the water above his hidden body.
+
+For the third time "Al-f-u-r-d" ducked--or rather, was ducked,
+swallowing another quart or two of Monongahela. Coming up cork-like, he
+tried to make his escape. Up the bank he ran choking and crying.
+Unfortunately, he took the track of the slide. Half way up his feet flew
+from under him, landing him upon his stomach. Back he slid, feet first,
+his nose plowing up the soft mud, his mouth filling with the same
+substance. Terrified beyond expression, under the water he went,
+choking, strangling, struggling. He felt that his time had come.
+
+Popping to the surface, one of the older boys stood him upon his feet,
+washed the mud from his mouth and nose and, by sundry "shakes,"
+partially emptied him.
+
+Fearing they had gone too far with their hazing, some of the larger boys
+led him further into the stream, handling him as tenderly as they had
+roughly, assuring him of perfect safety. He was caused to lie on his
+stomach and, with Cousin Charley holding his broad, calloused palm
+against his chest, "Al-f-u-r-d" was given his first lesson in swimming.
+One boy declared, even before "Al-f-u-r-d" had moved a muscle, that he
+had already learned to swim.
+
+It was the consensus of opinion that the only thing that prevented his
+swimming was his curls. To overcome this handicap his hair was braided,
+tied and cross-tied and his top-heaviness reduced to a dozen scattered
+knobs and knots--knots pulled so tight they glaringly exposed the white
+scalp between, and the tying of which brought tears to his eyes.
+
+Even this rearrangement did not prevent his sinking time and again as
+the lesson progressed and finally, the mischievousness of his
+instructors appeased, he was led, half-dead, out of the water, up the
+steep bank to where he had been disrobed. As he stooped to gather up his
+rumpled garments a most welcome sound came to his ears:
+
+"Al-f-u-r-d!" "Al-f-u-r-d!"
+
+Contrary to his usual custom, the second syllable was not off the lips
+of Lin until, in his loudest tone, he shouted: "Yes,'m!"
+
+When he called for Lin to "come and get me," all the boys took a header
+into the river, only their faces and hair-covered heads appearing above
+the surface; they treaded water, or swayed around on the bottom. As
+"Al-f-u-r-d" looked back on them they seemed like so many decapitated
+heads floating in space, a sight that dwelt in his memory long
+afterwards.
+
+When "Al-f-u-r-d" gathered his garments into his arms, endeavoring to
+hide his nudity, and started toward the voice, a laugh went up that made
+the valley echo. Lin declared: "If the tarnel critters had been dressed,
+she'd have thrown every last devil of 'em off the raft into the river."
+
+Owing to conditions she hid behind Mrs. Hubbard's house and not until
+"Al-f-u-r-d," in his unrecognizable appearance rounded it, did he come
+face to face with his rescuer. Crying and sobbing he fell into Lin's
+arms. Firing a volley of imprecations upon the horde that had wrought
+the wreck before her, Lin kept up a continuous tirade against the boys
+in the river; and addressing herself to "Al-f-u-r-d" between speeches,
+she said:
+
+"Fur gracious, goodness sake, ef you don't look like Granny Gadd with
+yer hair braided over yer head like this; hyar ye air trapesin' through
+town agin, mos' naked like ye did las' week. The hull town'll be talkin'
+about ye. Ye'll give us all a bad name. Why didn't ye put on yer
+clothes?"
+
+"Al-f-u-r-d" sobbingly informed Lin of the cruelties heaped upon him in
+which Cousin Charley had taken part. Lin's anger increased as the boy
+talked. When he told of them throwing him down in the water times
+without number, Lin's indignation burst all bonds. Shaking "Al-f-u-r-d"
+violently she fairly yelled as she demanded to know what he was doing
+while they were throwing him down. "Al-f-u-r-d" between sobs, answered:
+
+"I wasn't doin' nuthin'; I was gettin' up all the time."
+
+Lin's answer was a jerk that lifted the boy off the earth. As she
+smacked her palms together, she defiantly hissed:
+
+"Ef ye had my spunk, ye'd hev knocked hell's delight out of some of
+'em."
+
+The defiance of Lin, the thoughts of the cruelties practiced upon him,
+or some other force, changed the boy's manner instantly from sobbing and
+supplicating. He became screamingly aggressive. Flying to the roadbed,
+which had a plentiful supply of loose stone on it, he began a fusillade
+on the enemy below that drove the whole horde from the raft into the
+river.
+
+"Al-f-u-r-d" had practiced stone throwing since he wore clothes and,
+like all boys of that period, his aim was most accurate, as several of
+those in the old swimming hole on that eventful day will testify. A rain
+of stones fell on the raft; one boy, more venturesome than the others,
+started up the hill but "Al-f-u-r-d's" fire repulsed him.
+
+Lin, hidden behind the house, had changed her manner and was now
+pleading with "Al-f-u-r-d" to desist.
+
+"Ye might crack some of their skulls and then they'd git out a warrant
+and Rease Lynch (referring to the town constable), would be after ye."
+
+"Al-f-u-r-d" left the line of battle only when exhausted. That first
+swimming lesson and the fusillade of rocks that followed engendered
+animosities that involved "Al-f-u-r-d" in many rough and tumble
+encounters afterwards.
+
+Lin, catching up the clothes the boy had dropped upon the ground, soon
+discovered why he had not put them on. The sleeves of the waist were
+dripping wet and tied in knots as tight as two big, strong boys could
+pull them. The pantalets were first unraveled, reversed, pulled over the
+sand-covered limbs of the boy, the waist wrapped about his shoulders,
+(the knots in the sleeves could not be untied), his hat pushed down on
+his head owing to the arrangement of his hair until it rested on his
+ears.
+
+The procession started homeward, up alleys, through back yards to
+prevent being seen by the neighbors, until Lin hoisted the boy over the
+fence at the lower end of the garden. The whole family had congregated
+in the back yard, all greatly disturbed over "Al-f-u-r-d's" absence. As
+he dropped into the garden from the top of the fence he began crying, as
+was his wont, to create sympathy.
+
+[Illustration: Lin and "Al-f-u-r-d"]
+
+As he wended his way up the garden walk, the mother shouted:
+
+"Lin, where on earth has he been?"
+
+"In the river over his head. It's a wonder he wern't drowned to death."
+
+The mother breathed a silent prayer that he had been preserved to them.
+Father deftly slid his hand into his left side trouser's pocket and,
+pulling forth a keen-bladed knife, cut a slender, but tough, sprout from
+the black-heart cherry tree. Tenderly taking the boy by the arm, he
+slowly led him to the cellar and introduced another innovation into the
+fast unfolding life of the First Born.
+
+The pilgrimages of father and son to the recesses of that dark, damp
+cellar became frequent. The innovations of town life were so many,
+"Al-f-u-r-d's" unknowing feet fell into so many pitfalls, the father,
+affectionate, even indulgent, felt he was in duty bound to use the rod.
+
+In fact, the old cellar, the rod, the boy and the father, were a cause
+of comment among those familiar with the family. Uncle Jake said:
+
+"John never asked what 'Al-f-u-r-d' had done when he returned home, but
+simply asked, 'Where is he?' escorting him to the cellar and chastizing
+him on general principles."
+
+Lin said: "Habits will grow on peepul, and even when 'Al-f-u-r-d' does
+nothin', he jes' goes to the cellar and waits to be whipped."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER FOUR
+
+    From the sweet-smelling Maryland meadows it crawled,
+    Through the forest primeval, o'er hills granite-walled;
+    On and up, up and on, till it conquered the crest
+    Of the mountains--and wound away into the West.
+    'Twas the Highway of Hope! And the pilgrims who trod
+    It were Lords of the Woodland and Sons of the Sod;
+    And the hope of their hearts was to win an abode
+    At the end--the far end of the National Road.
+
+
+Brownsville.
+
+Do you not know where it is located? Do not ask any human being who ever
+lived in Brownsville as to its location on the map--that is, if you
+value his friendship. Your ignorance of geography will be exposed and
+you will be plainly informed: "We do not want anything to do with a
+person who does not know where Brownsville is located."
+
+[Illustration: Market Street, Brownsville]
+
+Strange as it may seem, though many excellent histories have been
+written, there is none extant that has given any full and adequate
+description of Brownsville's early days and people--quaint, curious,
+serious, humorous, wise and otherwise--good people all.
+
+Brownsville was the most important town on that "Modern Appian Way," the
+National Road, or pike, extending from Baltimore, Maryland, to the Ohio
+River, and lengthened beyond, in after years, to Cincinnati and
+Richmond, Indiana.
+
+Brownsville was founded soon after this country gained its independence,
+although it had been an established frontier post long before known as
+Red Stone Old Fort. It was the center of the Whiskey Insurrection,
+during which George Washington gained his first military experience in
+the West, experience that would have saved Braddock's defeat and death,
+had he taken Washington's advice, and might have changed the entire
+history of this nation. But that England should control the American
+colonies is but repeating history.
+
+England is the only country in the world that has successfully colonized
+her foreign possessions. Therefore, Brownsville was founded, and mostly
+settled, by the English, and to this day her foremost citizens are
+Englishmen. This statement of facts does not detract from the estimable
+qualities of the Low Dutch who have drifted in from Bedford and Somerset
+Counties.
+
+Brownsville outputs--"Monongahela Rye Whiskey" and Chattland's crackers
+are world-famous food essentials.
+
+Brownsville was at the head of navigation on the Monongahela River in
+the palmy days of the old "pike."
+
+Unlike the Appian Way, of which there is no connected history but only
+glimpses of it in the Bible, the old "pike" is embalmed in history, in
+poem and prose. It commemorates an epoch in history as fascinating as
+any recorded. A highway so important, so largely instrumental in the
+country's early greatness and development that it strengthened the ties
+between the states and their peoples. Its legends so numerous, its
+incidents so exciting that their chronicles read like fiction.
+
+Brownsville grew and prospered while the old "pike" was at the height of
+its greatness. It was here the travellers from the East or the West
+either embarked or disembarked from the river steamers or the overland
+stage coach.
+
+In the year 1868 the writer spent four days and parts of as many nights
+in a stage coach journey from Wheeling, West Virginia, to Baltimore,
+Maryland, over the National Road. In August, 1910, the same distance was
+covered in an automobile in a little over a day and a night, with many
+stops and visits to historical spots marked by recollections of the old
+days and nights of this King's Highway.
+
+Brownsville, in the halcyon days of the National Pike, was of greater
+commercial importance than Pittsburg, her banks ranking higher and her
+manufactories more numerous. This supremacy was maintained from 1818 to
+1852.
+
+When the Baltimore & Ohio Railroad was opened to the West, the glories
+of the old "pike" began to fade. The mechanical establishments,
+especially the boat-building and marine engine shops, among the biggest
+interests of Brownsville, kept in the lead until well into the days of
+the Civil War.
+
+Now, reader, will you not be a bit abashed to ask: "Where is
+Brownsville?"
+
+To Henry Clay belongs the credit of first urging Congress to appropriate
+funds to build the National Road, but to Albert Gallatin, who was from
+the Brownsville section and achieved great distinction while Treasurer
+of the United States, belongs the honor of its conception. He was the
+first to advocate the great benefits that would accrue to the country if
+such a road were constructed.
+
+Washington, when a mere youth, sent to England a report urging the
+advisability of a military road from the coast to the Ohio River. He
+suggested the Indian trail across the Allegheny Mountains. This trail
+was afterwards named Braddock's Road. It should have been called
+Washington's Road, as he, at the head of a detachment of Virginia
+troops, traversed it one year before Braddock's disastrous invasion of
+the West.
+
+All roads led to Brownsville in those days.
+
+Did you ever hear of Workman's Hotel in Brownsville? It stands today as
+it did one hundred years ago, at the head of Market Street. It has
+housed Jackson, Harrison, Clay, Sam Houston, Davy Crockett, James K.
+Polk, Shelly, Lafayette, Winfield Scott, Pickens, John C. Calhoun, and
+hundreds of others of less note.
+
+James Workman, the landlord of this old house of entertainment, was
+noted for his hospitality and punctuality. When "Old Hickory" Jackson,
+on his way to Washington to be inaugurated President--for be it
+remembered the old "pike" was the only highway between the East and
+West--was Workman's guest, the citizens of Brownsville tendered the
+newly elected President a public reception. The Presbyterian Church was
+crowded, the exercises long drawn out. During their progress, Jimmy
+Workman stalked down the middle aisle. Facing about, after passing the
+pew in which General Jackson sat, he said, in a voice plainly heard all
+over the church:
+
+"General Jackson, dinner is ready and if you do not come soon it won't
+be fit to eat."
+
+So great was Workman's devotion to his guests that he imagined the
+dinner was more essential than speeches or prayers, and such was the
+respect for the famous landlord that the services were curtailed.
+
+Brownsville and Bridgeport were boroughs separated by Dunlap's Creek,
+spanned by the first iron bridge built in America. It is standing today
+as solid as the reputation of the old burgs it joins together.
+Brownsville had the first bridge that spanned the Monongahela River. In
+fact Brownsville had a bridge long before Pittsburgh. While Bill Brown
+and his progenitors were ferrying Pittsburgh inhabitants across the
+river in a skiff, Brownsville folks were crossing on a "kivered"
+bridge. And were it not for further humiliating Bill Brown, the
+discoverer of Pittsburgh, still greater glories could be recalled for
+Brownsville.
+
+James G. Blaine was born on the west bank of the Monongahela River. The
+land on which the Blaine house stood was the property of an Indian,
+Peter by name. He sold the land to Blaine's grandfather, Neil Gellispie,
+the price agreed upon being forty shillings an acre, payable in
+installments of money, iron and one negro man, a slave. Ye gods! How did
+the "Plumed Knight's" detractors in the "Rum-Romanism-and-Rebellion"
+campaign overlook the fact that the Blaines once bought and sold slaves?
+
+[Illustration: James G. Blaine's Home]
+
+Philander C. Knox was born on the hill on the east side of the river.
+Professor John Brashear was born on the western edge of the town.
+
+Elisha Gray, the original inventor of the telephone, was from
+Brownsville; as were John Herbertson, builder of the first iron bridge
+in the United States; John Snowden, builder of two iron gunboats for the
+Civil War, and Bishop Arnett, of Ohio.
+
+Brownsville first promulgated a word of slang that has greatly
+beautified the English language.
+
+But let it be recorded to the old town's credit, the evil was propagated
+without malice aforethought. Brownsville's borough limits show its shape
+to be somewhat like that of a hot-air balloon--a big body with a neck;
+and the narrow strip of land between the river and Dunlap's Creek
+stretching toward Bridgeport from time out of mind has been designated
+by the inhabitants of either side of the creek as the "neck."
+
+Brownsville had a temperance revival. Strict observance of the liquor
+laws was being enforced. Jack Beckley was haled to court on a dray, too
+oblivious of everything to answer any charge. The burgess, before
+committing him to the lock-up, questioned the watchman, Jim Bench, as to
+where Jack got his liquor.
+
+"Did he get it on the hill?"
+
+The officer truthfully answered:
+
+"No, he got it in the neck."
+
+The town took up the phrase and thereafter any person who met with any
+sort of mishap "got it in the neck."
+
+[Illustration: A National Pike Freighter]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER FIVE
+
+    No wonder Cain went to the bad
+      And left no cause to praise him;
+    No neighbors, who had ever had
+    Boys of their own, came telling Ad
+      And Eve how they should raise him.
+
+
+"Al-f-u-r-d" learned with his first swimming lesson that kinship does
+not lend immunity; in fact, Lin asserted that Cousin Charley's kinship
+was only a cloak of deception. However, the more Cousin Charley teased
+the younger boy the greater "Al-f-u-r-d's" admiration and yearning for
+his companionship.
+
+Lin cautioned "Al-f-u-r-d" to shun Cousin Charley as he would a "wiper."
+Lin could never pronounce her v's. When she went to the grocery and
+asked for "winegar," the young clerk laughed outright. The next visit
+Lin simply said:
+
+"Smell the jug and gin me a quart."
+
+When the mother admitted she feared Cousin Charley would ruin
+"Al-f-u-r-d's" disposition, Lin followed with the declaration that
+Cousin Charley "layed awake nights makin' up lies about "Al-f-u-r-d" to
+git his pap to whup him."
+
+Lin said: "Why, he don't do a thing all the live-long day but git
+'Al-f-u-r-d' in scrapes and muss his curls."
+
+After the swimming hole experience "Al-f-u-r-d's" parent forbade Cousin
+Charley the house. Uncle Bill, who was responsible for Cousin Charley's
+being, also ordered Cousin Charley to seek a home elsewhere, enforcing
+the order by advising Cousin Charley that he had done all that he
+intended to do for him.
+
+In forceful words Cousin Charley was told that he must "dig for
+himself," that "he could not stay anywhere no matter how good the job,
+that he always got into some kind of a scrape and his father was tired
+of it."
+
+"Go out in the world and dig for yourself like I did. Then you'll hold a
+job when you get one."
+
+Cousin Charley took genuine delight in being thus exiled. He endeavored
+to work on the sympathies of all with whom he conversed, reporting that
+Uncle John and Aunt Mary had driven him from their house and that his
+father had driven him from home, advising him to dig for himself.
+
+Charley dwelt so upon the phrase "dig for yourself" that it became a
+sort of cant saying.
+
+Cousin Charley called at "Al-f-u-r-d's" home to gather his essential
+personal effects. His woe-begone looks so touched "Al-f-u-r-d" that
+tears more than once filled his eyes as the elder boy continued his
+preparations to leave. "Al-f-u-r-d's" sorrow so touched the mother that
+she began to relent.
+
+But Cousin Charley, like many other persons who have injured their
+family when taken to task, felt a sort of pride in doing something he
+imagined would cause them further pain. Cousin Charley was obdurate to
+any overtures towards a reconciliation, or at least pretended to be. Go
+he would. He had poor "Al-f-u-r-d" entirely miserable as he listened to
+the recitation of the many wrongs he declared he had suffered.
+
+"I've worked harder than any boy in Brownsville. I never knowed anything
+but work. Pap lets Jim and George do as they durn please. If I crook my
+fingers I ketch the devil. I kin go out and dig fer myself and they'll
+be sorry for the way they have treated me."
+
+"Al-f-u-r-d" clung to the bigger boy, begging him not to leave. The
+sight affected both Lin and the mother, and the latter ventured the
+prediction that she might prevail upon Pap to allow Cousin Charley to
+remain if he would solemnly promise to be a better boy. Cousin Charley
+was not to be mollified. He thanked the mother for her kindly interest
+in him but added that he could not remain under Uncle Johns' roof after
+the cruel manner in which he had been treated. (As a matter of fact his
+treatment had always been of the kindest). Cousin Charley knew this full
+well but he knew also that he had the sympathy of the two women excited
+and he chose to work it to his evil nature's content.
+
+Continuing, he added insinuatingly:
+
+"You'll see. Wait 'til 'Al-f-u-r-d's' a little older. Uncle will keep on
+whaling him in the cellar and some day you'll find him missing, curls
+and all."
+
+This reference to curls touched Lin's sympathy. The reference to
+"Al-f-u-r-d" leaving home also touched the mother as the tantalizer
+intended it should, and she further argued with the boy to remain at
+home with his family.
+
+"No I can't. I've made up my mind to dig fer myself. I'm goin' West.
+You've always treated me right and I'll write you often and let you know
+how I'm gettin' along and maybe if 'Al-f-u-r-d' is driven from home like
+I've been I'll have a place fer him."
+
+The mother turned a trifle resentful as she said spiritedly:
+
+"Charley, you have not been driven from home. Your father has become
+tired of your conduct and it would be better if you apologize for your
+behavior and promise to become a better boy."
+
+Cousin Charley hinted at some deep and dark wrong that would ever
+prevent his approaching his father and he prepared to leave. Both women
+entreated him to linger yet another day. But Cousin Charley began
+bidding them good-bye, the crocodile tears coursing down his cheeks as
+he sobbed:
+
+"I'll never fergit you two. You've always been good to me." (As a matter
+of fact, Lin threatened to scald him that morning.) "I know I may be
+half starved to death before I git work but I'll stand it. And durn them
+all, I'll show them I'm somebody afore they see me agin."
+
+At the reference to starving, Lin rushed to the big kitchen cupboard.
+The larger part of a roasted chicken, a dozen doughnuts, pickles,
+rusks, enough to feed an ordinary man several times, was done up in a
+neat package and handed to Charley by Lin as she pityingly remarked:
+
+"Ef the bakin' was done I'd gin ye more fer I'll warrant it'll be a long
+time 'fore ye'll eat cooking like ye've hed here. Fer vagrants never
+know what they're eatin'."
+
+Charley's leave-taking was most affecting. "Al-f-u-r-d" begged to be
+permitted to accompany him a little ways on his journey. Five minutes
+the boys walked hand in hand.
+
+Into Sammy Steele's deserted tannery, through a long, dark room with
+dust and rubbish covering the floor, into a smaller room, more dismal if
+imaginable than the larger room but much cleaner.
+
+[Illustration: The Exile]
+
+Three boxes, the larger used as a table, the two smaller ones as seats,
+made up the furniture in the room. A small blaze of fire in the
+old-fashioned soft coal grate gave a faint light. Cousin Charley
+whistled a time or two, and Lint Dutton, the son of the leading dry
+goods merchant of the town; and Tod Livingston, the son of the dry goods
+man's head clerk, put in an appearance.
+
+It was not long until "Al-f-u-r-d's" sympathetic heart was touched with
+the wrongs of the three exiles. It seemed the trio had all been driven
+from home and were going out into the world to dig for themselves.
+Charley explained there were many things to adjust ere the exiles
+departed and the room in the old tannery would be their retreat until
+they left the town for good.
+
+To impress "Al-f-u-r-d" with the fact that provisions were the one thing
+necessary, Lin's contribution was spread out on the larger box and all
+proceeded to devour the viands. Even "Al-f-u-r-d" enjoyed the repast.
+
+"Al-f-u-r-d" was sworn to secrecy as to the retreat of the exiles and
+adjured to bring all the eatables he could secure. The sight of Cousin
+Charley consuming a dried apple pie such as were made in those days,
+plenty of lemon peel and cider to juice the apples; Charley holding the
+pie in his hands, the juice running down his cheeks as he expatiated on
+the wrongs that had been heaped upon him in general and by
+"Al-f-u-r-d's" and his own father in particular, so worked on
+"Al-f-u-r-d's" sympathy that nothing cooked or uncooked that was
+eatable, that he could smuggle to the exiles, was too good for them.
+
+For the first time since Lin came into the family the mother suspected
+her of dishonest practices. A coldness sprang up between the women. This
+unpleasantness almost drove the boy to confession, but the fear of the
+exiles kept him from exposing them.
+
+[Illustration: The Exile's Retreat]
+
+The father set a watch on "Al-f-u-r-d." He was seen to fill his pockets
+and a small basket, hide the basket in the coal shed until the shadows
+of dusk. The father followed the smuggler to the exiles' camp. Several
+other boys who had learned of the pies, pickles, preserves, doughnuts,
+and other good things that "Al-f-u-r-d" carried to the old tannery, had
+gone into exile and were always conveniently near when "Al-f-u-r-d"
+appeared with his food contributions.
+
+The father was close onto "Al-f-u-r-d" when he entered the larger room
+of the old tan house. "Al-f-u-r-d" set the basket with the coarser food
+in it on the box that served as a table while he began issuing the more
+dainty contributions from his pockets. Handing Cousin Charley a doughnut
+from one pocket he was in the act of pulling a handful of pickles from
+another when the irate parent rushed into the little room. The exiles'
+camp was broken up, and the exiles driven out into the cold world.
+"Al-f-u-r-d" was escorted home then to the cellar where the seance was a
+trifle more animated than usual, at least "Al-f-u-r-d's" cries so
+denoted.
+
+Lin's denunciations of those who had devastated her pantry of the coarse
+as well as her daintiest cooking, was of the strongest. Lin was very
+proud of her skill as a cook. When the truth came out and she learned
+that "Al-f-u-r-d" was the culprit, she immediately began making excuses
+for the boy, and when his screams from the cellar penetrated the
+kitchen, Lin's sympathy was fully aroused. With the rolling pin in one
+hand, flour to her elbows on her bare, muscular arms, she rushed into
+the cellar, with flushed face and confronted the parent:
+
+[Illustration: "Lin"]
+
+"Hold on yer, hold on! Ye've whipped that boy enough and you're whippin'
+him fer nothin'. Ef it hadn't bin fer them low, lazy skunks "Al-f-u-r-d"
+a-never teched a thing in this house. They never had nothin' to eat at
+home. Their folks is too lazy to fry a doughnut or put up pickles.
+"Al-f-u-r-d" jes pitied 'em, that's why he took things to 'em to eat."
+
+This reasoning mollified the parent, besides Lin had a gleam in her eyes
+that intimidated him. Lin had threatened to skedaddle, as she put it,
+several times of late, and one like her was not often found.
+
+Therefore Lin's reasoning decided the father to wreak vengeance on those
+who, through "Al-f-r-u-d's" generosity, had depleted the pickle barrel.
+Grabbing his heaviest cane he stalked toward the door, vowing he would
+wear out every last one of the boys who had made him so far forget
+himself as to punish one whose age and inexperience made him their dupe.
+
+[Illustration: Hold On! Hold On!]
+
+The mother and Lin, thoroughly frightened at the anger displayed by the
+man, used their strength and arguments to prevent him doing something
+terrible. The mother pointed out the danger of the law and the disgrace
+attached to an arrest by the borough constable.
+
+Lin reminded him that he might do something rash, that all the boys had
+papas and several men might jump on him if they caught him abusing their
+off-spring. The father swore he could lick the daddies of all the boys
+one at a time.
+
+Meanwhile "Al-f-u-r-d" made his escape to the garret to ruminate upon
+the unreasonableness of parents in general and his father in particular.
+
+Uncle Bill was even more obdurate than when he first declared Charley
+must "dig for himself." Cousin Charley was looking for work, fearing he
+would find it, and secretly hoping his father, under pressure of the
+mother, would soon open the door of home to him. But Cousin Charley was
+compelled to look the world in the face in a serious manner for the
+first time in his life.
+
+Captain Lew Abrams, a retired steamboat man, big of frame, kind of heart
+and fond of a joke, informed the exile that he would give him an
+opportunity to follow his father's advice literally, namely, to dig for
+himself.
+
+"I have a big potato patch, the crop is a heavy one and it don't seem my
+boys will ever get the potatoes dug. I will give you a job digging
+potatoes by the bushel or on shares."
+
+The Captain did not care to hire by the day. Cousin Charley figured
+mentally that digging potatoes on shares, a custom prevalent in those
+days, would bring quicker returns.
+
+Charley began to "dig for himself" the very next day. After a long, hard
+day's work, he presented himself at the back door of "Al-f-u-r-d's"
+home, sunburnt and hands blistered, clothing torn, full of beggars-lice
+and Spanish needles. He explained that the offer of Captain Abrams was
+temptingly profitable and that he would remain in the neighborhood for a
+few weeks longer digging potatoes on the shares.
+
+Lin at first looked upon him with suspicion. But when she noted his
+sunburnt face and blistered hands and when Charley carefully laid on the
+table a half dozen big brown-colored potatoes with that peculiar purple
+around the eyes, a color so highly prized by growers and consumers, Lin,
+glancing sympathetically at Charley through the kitchen door as he ate
+as only a hungry boy can, whispered to the mother:
+
+"His pap's too hard on him. He's not so ornery as he's cracked up to be.
+It's the devilish clique he runs with that's spiled him," and, with
+this, carried another helping of food to the boy.
+
+Half in earnest, half in fun, Lin said: "Durn ye, ye can be good ef ye
+want to, but it jes' seems like ye don't want to. Ef ye ever do another
+thing to 'Al-f-u-r-d' I'll scald all the hair off yer freckled head."
+
+Cousin Charley laughed and chided Lin into further good humor, confiding
+to her the interesting information that he was going to work from
+daylight to dark. This declaration captured Lin. She highly regarded
+anyone who labored.
+
+Cousin Charley kept up a continual talk. Among other statements he said
+that after he dug Captain Abram's potatoes, if he could effect as
+advantageous arrangements with other farmers, he would soon be wealthy.
+He even insinuated that he had over-reached the Captain in his contract
+for digging potatoes but if the Captain showed any tendency to "back
+out" he would hold him to it.
+
+"A bargain's a bargain," said Charley and Lin nodded approvingly. She
+never guessed that Cousin Charley possessed so much sense.
+
+Charley picked up the largest of the potatoes he had deposited on the
+table and requested that Lin roast it in wood ashes for breakfast.
+
+"It'll jes' bust open and is as dry as powder. Sech taters you never et,
+they melt in yer mouth."
+
+It was then the mother was called in, Lin explaining it was a good
+chance to buy potatoes cheap. Cousin Charley explained that his share of
+the crop he was digging would be so big he would have to sell as he went
+along even if he didn't get full price for them. He assured the women
+that the samples were not culled: "Jes' took as they come."
+
+[Illustration: Cousin Charley]
+
+The mother bought several bushels at much less than the retail price at
+Murphy's store. At the low price at which Cousin Charley sold potatoes
+he had taken several orders before reaching "Al-f-u-r-d's" home. When
+"Al-f-u-r-d's" mother purchased he suddenly concluded he'd better begin
+delivering right away.
+
+When the mother reminded him that it was almost night Cousin Charley met
+her with the argument "Ef a feller wants to git along in this world he's
+got to hump night and day. That's the way old Jeffries got rich."
+Jeffries was the business competitor of "Al-f-u-r-d's" father.
+
+Cousin Charley finally prevailed on the mother to loan him the horse and
+wagon to deliver his potatoes. The father was out of town for the night,
+and the mother consented reluctantly. Lin wanted the potatoes badly
+after Charley's description. "Al-f-u-r-d," as usual, cried to go with
+Cousin Charley. Cousin Charley's seeming industriousness had reinstated
+him in Lin's good graces. After the boys had driven off, following Lin's
+caution to the older boy to "Be keerful of 'Al-f-u-r-d'," she remarked
+to the mother, referring to Charley:
+
+"He'll fool old Bill yet. Some peepul may want Charley to dig fer 'em
+'fore the winter's over. I'd thought more of old Bill ef he'd lathered
+Charley good an' plenty stid of turnun' him out to dig fer himself. I do
+hope he'll sell plenty pertaters."
+
+Meanwhile, Cousin Charley, his delivery wagon, "Al-f-u-r-d" and all,
+arrived at Captain Abram's house. The family were visiting a neighbor.
+
+Cousin Charley was evidently an adept at loading potatoes as well as
+digging. It was surprising the quantity he claimed for his share of the
+day's digging.
+
+"Al-f-u-r-d," Cousin Charley, and a load of potatoes soon arrived at
+"Al-f-u-r-d's" home. Several large sacks were quickly carried into the
+cellar, Lin assisting the boy. Lin took this excuse to inspect the goods
+as her confidence in Cousin Charley was not entirely free from
+suspicion. As Lin watched the boy carrying the heavy potato sacks she
+half hated herself for doubting him. This feeling prompted Lin to accept
+the potatoes.
+
+"They're not zackly as big as the ones he fetched first but they're nice
+taters, better'n we git at the store an' besides a body feels better
+helpin' a poor devil that's workin' his head off to do right."
+
+Jane McCune, Tommy Ryan and Jim Bench had bought potatoes while they
+were cheap. These deliveries were soon made and Cousin Charley had money
+to distribute. "Al-f-u-r-d" and Lin both came in for a nice piece of it.
+As Lin remarked:
+
+"Cousin Charley was not close when he was doin' well."
+
+[Illustration: The Boys Had a Full Load]
+
+The women invited Charley to remain all night but, showing the old exile
+spirit, he declined, adding:
+
+"I like you and Lin, but I'll never stay under Uncle John's roof until
+he apologizes fer what he done to me. I'll dig fer myself. There's money
+in this potato business fer me, I'll show them who I am."
+
+The boy jingled the big coppers and little dimes in his pocket until
+"Al-f-u-r-d's" eyes sparkled with admiration.
+
+The next morning Captain Abrams clanged the big, old fashioned iron
+knocker on the front door. The father started up stairs to answer the
+knock, and "Al-f-u-r-d" and the other children whooped up the path
+beside the house to peep at the early caller.
+
+The door opened. "Howdys" and hand shakes. The Captain, puckering up his
+funny little mouth, not unlike that of a sucker fish, addressing himself
+to the father, inquired:
+
+"John, where's Bill's Charley?"
+
+The "I don't know" answer surprised the Captain.
+
+Looking at "Al-f-u-r-d" in a quizzical manner, he said:
+
+"I thought he was staying with you all."
+
+The father replied spiritedly, and he seemed to be addressing himself to
+"Al-f-u-r-d" as much as to the Captain:
+
+"No, he ain't here any more. I wouldn't permit him to enter my house;
+he's so infernal ornery that his father had to drive him out. Bill jes'
+told him to go out and dig fer himself. We've washed our hands of that
+boy. His end will be the House of Refuge."
+
+"But John," and the Captain looked serious, "who sent Alfred and Charley
+out on a foraging expedition last night with your old mare and wagon?"
+
+Both men looked hard at "Al-f-u-r-d."
+
+With a consciousness born of innocence, "Al-f-u-r-d" pulled himself up
+to his full height, running his thumbs under his first pair of elastic
+suspenders, a present from Cousin Charley, who had remarked as he
+adjusted them: "None of my relations will run around here with one
+gallus when I've got money."
+
+"Yes, sir," chirped "Al-f-u-r-d," "we was out to your house but you
+weren't at home. Cousin Charley went after his pertaters. He wanted to
+bring mother hers and Jane McCune and Tommy Ryan."
+
+The Captain was nodding his head approvingly at "Al-f-u-r-d,"
+encouraging him to go on. The father was so confused he could not listen
+longer, and casting a look at "Al-f-u-r-d" that boded him no good, the
+mother and Lin were called into the room, and the Captain, in a half
+apologetic manner explained:
+
+"Charley came to me with a long story about his father driving him from
+home and telling him he would have to go out and dig for himself. He
+used the phrase, 'dig for himself' so often that I, in a half joking
+way, arranged with Charley to dig potatoes on shares. He dug one day. I
+don't know how many potatoes he dug as me and my folks were visiting the
+Lenhearts. Afore we got home last night, Charley came out there with
+your horse and wagon and hauled away all the potatoes he dug during the
+day and all my boys had dug and sacked the past week. I don't know how
+many he took but old man Bedler at the toll gate said the boys had on a
+full load."
+
+Then "Al-f-u-r-d" counting on his fingers, said: "Yes, mother got seven
+bushels, Tommy Ryan got eight bushels and he's to get two more bushels
+tomorrow night, and Jim Bench five bushels and will take all Cousin
+Charley kin bring him. And Jane McCune got five bushels and she didn't
+have the money. But Charley says if she don't pay him he'll steal her
+dog."
+
+The Captain was laughing heartily but politely. The father and mother
+looked as if they had been convicted of larceny.
+
+Lin jerked out: "Well, ef that don't beat the bugs. A-stealin'
+pertaters. I'd as soon be ketched stealin' sheep. I tell ye now, that
+Charley's headed fer the pinitentiary."
+
+This speech seemed to crush the father and mother. They felt somehow as
+if they were implicated. But Captain Abrams apologized in every way for
+annoying them. They all seated themselves, the blinds pulled down and a
+solemn compact entered into that the matter never be referred to again.
+The father paid for the potatoes, taking "Al-f-u-r-d's" figures.
+"Al-f-u-r-d" was warned if he ever mentioned the affair outside of home
+that he would be sent to the House of Refuge.
+
+The family felt that they were everlastingly disgraced. The mother felt
+it most keenly. The father was half disposed to hold "Al-f-u-r-d" partly
+responsible and a trip to the cellar was strongly threatened. But Lin
+interfered by saying:
+
+"Why, his mother and me is wus than 'Al-f-u-r-d'. Any grown body'd
+knowed Charley couldn't dig that many pertaters in a week, let alone a
+day."
+
+Time wore on and the potato episode was seemingly forgotten. The family
+felt that the disgrace had been lived down and all were thankful the
+matter had not become the talk of the town.
+
+Uncle Bill, Charley's father, was a good talker, fond of argument and
+usually the center of a group, particularly when political or religious
+subjects were under discussion. A long bench in front of Bill Isler's
+tin shop, ranged close up to the building. The town pump stood across
+the ten feet wide sidewalk opposite.
+
+It was a pleasing sight to look upon this gathering of inequality of
+rank and property and equality of intellect discussing all questions,
+the affairs of their neighbors in particular.
+
+[Illustration: Uncle Bill and the Boys]
+
+There was a full bench: Joe Gibbons, Barney Barnhart, Jase Baker, Billy
+Graham, Birney Wilkins, and George Muckle Fee. Fee was a peculiar
+character, with an unusual deformity, since his neck was bent like a
+huge bow, not unlike a limb with the knee bent, his face looking to the
+ground. To look to either side he must turn his entire body. The only
+human being he ever thought kindly of was his wife, Susan. He always
+spoke of her respectfully. Some people he hated more intensely than
+others. Uncle Bill was an especial mark of his vituperation. When they
+passed on the street George would turn his body half way around to
+mutter and curse him--however, not that Uncle Bill could hear.
+
+George's usual position at the gathering in the evening was back against
+the old pump facing those seated on the bench, with lowered face and
+upturned eyes, looking from one speaker to another, scowling or smiling
+as the remarks met with his approval or otherwise.
+
+The subject under discussion was "boys." A number of boys of the town,
+almost grown men, had been apprehended stealing scrap iron.
+
+Uncle Bill, as usual, had the center of the stage. He had about
+concluded a lengthy discourse as to the management of boys, bad boys in
+particular, and as usual concluded by relating for the hundredth time,
+how he managed his boys.
+
+"I just called 'em up and says: 'Boys, I've raised you up to what you
+are and I've done for you all a parent could do. You're strong and able
+to do for yourselves and don't depend on me longer. Go out in the world
+and dig for yourselves.'"
+
+Fee, squirting a flood of tobacco juice with the words, said: "Yes, and
+ef they'd all dig like Charley did, you'd had purtaters to last you a
+life time."
+
+The roars of laughter that went up were convincing proof that there are
+no secrets sacred in a small town.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER SIX.
+
+      Blessings on thee, little man,
+      Barefoot boy with cheek of tan;
+    With thy turned-up pantaloons
+    And thy merry, whistled tunes;
+    With the sunshine on thy face
+    Through thy torn brim's jaunty grace;
+      Outward sunshine, inward joy,
+      Blessings on thee, barefoot boy.
+
+
+Alfred's parents concluded it would be good for the boy to send him to
+the country for a time, freeing him from the influence of town boys.
+Therefore they sent him to Uncle Joe's, a prosperous farmer, a little
+inclined to take too much hard cider or rye at sheep-washing or
+hog-killing time, fond of fox chasing and hunting and shooting at a
+mark.
+
+Uncle Joe went to town at least once a week when Aunt Betsy accompanied
+him. He observed the proprieties and respected his good wife's wishes.
+Long had she labored to get him to join the church of which she was an
+exemplary pillar. Thus far she had not succeeded.
+
+A neighboring farmer, the leading member of the church, was the barrier.
+Uncle Joe and this neighbor, "Old Bill Colvin," as Uncle Joe designated
+him, had been at logger-heads for years over line fences and other
+trifles that farmers find excuses to quarrel over.
+
+[Illustration: Alfred at Nine]
+
+Uncle Joe's prejudice was so strong that when questioned as to whether
+he did not want to go to heaven, he defiantly informed the minister,
+"Not if Old Bill Colvin is there."
+
+If a cow strayed, hog died or turkey was lost, it was attributed to Old
+Bill Colvin. When the bees swarmed and Uncle Joe with the fiddle
+scraping out "Big John, Little John, Big John, Davy," Aunt Betsy beating
+a tin pan with a spoon, poor old granny, bent with age, following slowly
+jingling a string of sleigh bells, and in feeble, squeaky voice asked
+Uncle Joe if the bees were going off, although no swarm had ever left
+the place, Uncle Joe, vigorously scraping the fiddle, walking under the
+cloud of circling bees, not heeding granny's query, would say:
+
+"Look at 'em, look at 'em, they're leaving; we can't get 'em to settle.
+There they go. Look at 'em, look at 'em. Dam 'em, headed for Old Bill
+Colvin's."
+
+Uncle Joe was noted for his honey, watermelons, peaches, turkeys,
+maple-sugar and sweet potatoes and loud voice. He was the loudest voiced
+man in Red Stone township. Every living creature on the farm stood in
+fear of Uncle Joe's voice. If the stock jumped the fence into another
+field, Uncle Joe's voice awed them into jumping back again. Fence rails,
+hoes, rakes or anything that came handy had so often been wielded by his
+powerful arms on them that his voice was sufficient almost any time to
+frighten horse, cow or hog into seeking safety in flight when he
+shouted.
+
+The day for Alfred's going to the country arrived. Aunt Betsy had the
+neuralgia and Uncle Joe came alone on horseback. Meeting former friends,
+he tarried long at the Tavern. When under the influence of stimulants he
+became even louder. John Rathmell, the town watchman, endeavored to
+quiet him. Finally, he ordered Uncle Joe to go home or he would arrest
+him.
+
+Uncle Joe was riding Black Fan, his fox-hunting mare. She was seventeen
+hands high, mostly legs, a natural pacer. She could jump over anything
+under the moon. Her hind legs the longer,--they seemed to be the
+propelling power and appeared to move faster than her front legs. When
+at top speed she traveled sort of sideways. This seemed a wise
+provision of nature as it prevented her running over herself, or like a
+stern-wheel boat, with too much power going by the head.
+
+Uncle Joe obeyed the order of the officer of the law. Tardily, leisurely
+and tantalizingly mounting Black Fan, taking Alfred up behind him, he
+headed the mare in the opposite direction from home. Alfred feared he
+was going down the hill into the "Neck" to get more liquor and he almost
+decided to get off and go back home.
+
+[Illustration: "You Can All Go to H--ll"]
+
+At a pace as respectable as ever a funeral cortege traveled, Uncle Joe
+rode until opposite the old market house, there turning the mare around
+heading her homeward. Straightening her out in the middle of the road,
+rising in his stirrups to emphasize his contempt for the law in the
+person of the watchman, Uncle Joe gave vent to a yell that brought
+store-keepers to the doors, pedestrians to turn around and drivers to
+pull to the side of the street.
+
+He gave the mare her head. At the sound of the voice nearer and
+consequently louder than ever before, she shot forward at a speed never
+equalled on that street. At every revolution of her hind legs her body
+under Alfred rose and fell like a toy boat on a ruffled bay. Uncle Joe
+rose and fell with the movement and at every rise he yelled even louder
+than before.
+
+[Illustration: The End of the Ride]
+
+The minion of the law and several idlers, always seeking an opportunity
+to meddle, rushed to the middle of the street, but as well might they
+have attempted to arrest the wind. The shoes of Black Fan struck the
+flinty limestones on the pike, the sparks flew, and her trail was a
+veritable streak of fire. As the mare rounded the turn at Workman's
+Hotel, Uncle Joe, as a parting shot, yelled:
+
+"You can all go to h--ll."
+
+How Alfred maintained his hold he never knew nor did the mare slacken
+pace greatly until home was reached. Alfred is of the opinion to this
+day that Uncle Joe forgot he carried a handicap.
+
+The corn-cob stopper in a large bottle which Uncle Joe, (as was the
+custom of farmers in those days), carried in his right hand overcoat
+pocket, came out, the contents splashed in Alfred's face and saturated
+his clothing. Alfred was almost stupefied with the fumes of the liquor
+and had the distance been further he surely would have fallen from his
+seat.
+
+As the mare halted, Uncle Joe vigorously threw his leg over her back to
+dismount, sweeping Alfred from his seat as though he had been a
+rag-doll. Down he fell head first and no doubt sustained bodily injury
+had not Providence, or a kindly cow deposited a cushion as soft as
+velvet for his reception, and curls. His yells and calls brought the
+family to the rescue. Alfred was not received as courteously as on
+former visits; however, after a bath in a tub of not overly warm water,
+the family were a trifle less distant.
+
+The wife was very much provoked over the husband's actions.
+
+Reinforced by Billy Hickman, the preacher, and several church members,
+renewed her efforts to have Uncle Joe ally himself with the church.
+Uncle Joe assured one good brother that if sheep-washing time was
+over--it was then September and sheep are washed in May or June--he
+would join the church. He explained that he felt he must have a little
+"licker" sheep-washing time or he would "ketch the rheumatiz."
+
+The District Fair was on, Black Fan was entered in the free-for-all
+pace. She was considered a joke by horsemen and the knowing ones. But
+Alfred would have bet all he had that Black Fan was the fastest goer in
+the world. Ike Bailey's Black Bess, John Krepps' Billy, John Patterson's
+Morgan Messenger, were the other entries, all under saddle except Morgan
+Messenger. Patterson drove him to a sulky, the only sulky in the county,
+the wheels higher than the head of the driver. It was the idea of the
+builder the larger the wheels the greater the speed.
+
+Black Fan had much the worst of the get-away and it looked as if she
+would be left in the stretch. It was a half-mile track. Twice around
+completed the heats. The crowd laughed themselves hoarse at Uncle Joe's
+entry and rider.
+
+[Illustration: "Git Up, Fan!"]
+
+The other riders leaning forward, holding their bridle reins close down
+to the bit, seemed to lift their horses as they sped away from Black Fan
+whose rider was leaning back holding the briddle reins at arm's length
+as if he feared she would go by the head.
+
+There was no grandstand, the populace standing thick along the track,
+separated from it by a rough board fence.
+
+As the horses neared the starting point on the first turn, Black Fan far
+in the rear, Uncle Joe was seen pushing through the crowd, towering
+above the multitude. He made his way to the side of the track, climbing
+up on the fence-board next to the top, he stood erect.
+
+The leaders flew by and, as Black Fan got opposite, he raised his arms
+as if to throw a stone or club at her, at the same time, in stentorian
+tones, yelling: "Git up! Git up! Git! Git out of that, you Black B----
+h! Git up Fan. Gin her her head! Don't hold her, dam her! Let her go!
+Scat!"
+
+[Illustration: "Give Her Head! Don't Hold Her!"]
+
+As the last yell left his lips over he went onto the dusty track
+head-first. Black Fan surely imagined Uncle Joe was after her, she shot
+forward, her hind legs going so fast she looked in danger of running
+over herself, taking up nearly the width of the course. John Patterson
+and his high-wheeled sulky were swept off the track. Black Bess jumped
+the fence, ran off with her rider and was disqualified. Only John Krepps
+kept his little horse on the track, but Black Fan had the race in hand.
+
+Great confusion reigned. Several fights started, Uncle Joe being in the
+midst of all of them. Everybody surrounded the judges, and the other
+horse owners protested the race. As the judges were all farmers with the
+usual fairness pervading decisions as between town folks and country
+ones, Black Fan was given the race.
+
+[Illustration: After the Race]
+
+Uncle Joe led the mare all over the fair grounds with Alfred mounted on
+her, and notwithstanding the boy was surfeited with ginger bread, cider
+and other District Fair delicacies, he importuned the uncle for more.
+Finally the uncle impatiently handed him two cents, "So there go eat
+ginger bread till you bust." Uncle Joe celebrated his victory all
+afternoon. When he advised Alfred that they would soon start home and
+that he could ride behind him on Black Fan, Alfred slid down and
+requested a neighboring farmer to permit him to ride home in his dead
+axe wagon.
+
+Uncle Joe did not get home until very late, claiming that he did not
+know that Alfred had gone before and that he was searching the fair
+grounds for him. Alfred's aunt gently chided him and advised that when
+he went anywhere with his uncle thereafter he must remain until his
+uncle came, but to urge his uncle to come early.
+
+Uncle Joe was very sick the next day. Aunt Betsy said it served him
+right. She hoped he'd "puke his innards out." Alfred was busy carrying
+the afflicted man water by the gourdful from the spring. Uncle Joe would
+not permit him to bring it in a pail: he wanted it cold and fresh.
+
+"Dip her deep, son," he would say as he emptied the gourd and sent the
+boy for more.
+
+The sufferer grew worse and finally Aunt Betsy's womanly sympathy
+impelled her to go to the sick man. She began by saying:
+
+"I oughtn't to lift a hand to help you. Any man that will pour licker
+down his stomach until he throws it up is a hog and nothing else."
+
+Catching a whiff of that which had come up, she turned up her nose and
+contemptuously continued:
+
+"I don't see how any one can put that stuff down them."
+
+She held her nose and turned her head in disgust. The sick man raised
+his head and feebly answered:
+
+"Well, it don't taste that way going down. Go away and let me die in
+peace. I deserve to die alone; I don't want any of ye to pity me. Just
+bury me is all I ask."
+
+[Illustration: She Asked Him If He Were Not Afraid to Die]
+
+The woman's sympathy entirely overcome her anger as the man well knew it
+would. She begged to be permitted to do something for him. He was
+obdurate. He was "not worthy of being saved"; all he desired was to "die
+alone and be forgotten."
+
+She asked him if he were not afraid to die.
+
+"No, no" he answered, "I'm not afraid to die but I'm ashamed to."
+
+Feeling his heart was softening, she begged to do something to relieve
+him, a cold towel for his head or hot tea for his stomach. No, nothing
+could do him any good, so he declared.
+
+"If you don't have something done for you, you might die."
+
+"Let me die, but if I ever get over this one, it's the last for Joe. I
+hope every still house in Fayette County will burn down afore night and
+all the whiskey ever made destroyed."
+
+The wife exulted greatly at these words and renewed her entreaties to do
+something for him.
+
+"Well, if you insist on doing something for me", and he hesitated, "but
+I know it will do no good--go down to the kitchen, fill a big coffee cup
+half full of bilin' hot water, dissolve a lump of loaf sugar in it, drop
+in a little lump of butter 'bout as big as a robin's egg. Then reach up
+in the old cupboard in the hall, top shelf and way back in the corner,
+you'll find a big, black bottle. Pour quite a lot out of this bottle
+into the cup, fill it up. Grate a little nutmeg into it and fetch it up
+yar."
+
+Then holding his hands to his head as if suffering great pain, dropping
+his voice to a faint whisper as if he were about to collapse, he said:
+
+"Bring it up here and if I don't want to take it you jes' make me."
+
+Not long afterwards the whole neighborhood was talking of the conversion
+of Uncle Joe and the day of his baptism marked an epoch in that section.
+The lion and the lamb were roaming together. Old Bill Colvin and Uncle
+Joe were making cider on the shares. Many were the strange tales told
+of how the conversion of Uncle Joe came about.
+
+The day of baptism saw the largest gathering in the history of Red Stone
+meeting house. Alfred, Cousin Charley and all the country folks round
+about were there and many from town. Many were the conjectures made by
+the idle gossipers as to whether Joe would hold out. Tom Porter
+prophesied that the first time Joe got on a tear he would lick the
+preacher. Billy Hickman, the preacher, was a mite of a man, while Uncle
+Joe was a giant in comparison.
+
+[Illustration: Alfred's Ride]
+
+Uncle Joe had never been ducked or put under water but once, that the
+writer knows of. It was sheep-washing time. The sheep in a pen on the
+bank of the creek. Uncle Joe and another man in the creek up to their
+middles washing the sheep. Alfred and another boy in the pen catching
+the sheep dragging them to the bank as the workers called for another
+sheep. There was one old bell-wether that was too strong for the boys.
+After futile attempts to drag him to the creek Alfred decided to ride
+him. Jumping astride of the animal it made frantic efforts to free
+itself from the burden. Round the pen, bleating and panting it ran. It
+started for the creek and from a height of several feet it plunged,
+hitting Uncle Joe square between the shoulders.
+
+[Illustration: They All Follow]
+
+Its weight and Alfred's sent the powerful man under the water. Where one
+sheep leads another will follow. As he attempted to rise, sheep after
+sheep hit him on head or back. Under he went again as often as he arose
+until the whole herd were out of the pen.
+
+This experience probably accounted for Uncle Joe's actions the day of
+the baptism. Grouped on the banks of the creek, in fence corners, some
+lying on the grass under the red haw trees, were the rabble--all there
+out of curiosity.
+
+Standing near the creek, chanting a familiar hymn as only an earnest
+congregation of good people can sing, were the church members. Walking
+slowly from the church was the preacher and Uncle Joe, the disparity in
+their size all the more marked as they waded into the water.
+
+Uncle Joe seemed ill at ease and it appeared as though he was sort of
+holding back. By the time the minister was in up to his middle, the
+water only flowed about Uncle Joe's knees. The little preacher paused,
+folded Uncle Joe's hands across his breast. Uncle Joe looked behind him
+as much as to say:
+
+"It's a long ways down to the water."
+
+The minister began the solemn baptismal service. At the last word he
+attempted to lay Uncle Joe back, immersing him in the usual manner but
+Uncle Joe resisted. Alfred said afterwards he "knowed Uncle Joe was
+skeered, that Hickman couldn't rise him up after he got him under."
+Alfred explained that it was hard to keep from strangling when you went
+down backwards. "That's the way I nearly drowned. They ought to baptize
+'em forward," was his conclusion.
+
+The silence was oppressive. The minister sort of squirmed around and
+began the service over. At the last word he made another effort to
+immerse the sinner. Again his strength was insufficient, both men
+jostled around.
+
+Sam Craft, who was watching the proceeding from a fence corner, at the
+failure of the second attempt to dip the penitent, drawled in a voice
+thick with hard cider:
+
+"Trip--him--Bill--dam--him--trip--him."
+
+Uncle Joe quickly took hold of his nose with thumb and finger; stooping,
+he put his face under water to his ears, left the preacher standing in
+the creek as he rushed out, not to the church members but to his old
+cronies, until led to his proper place among the congregation.
+
+The conversion of Uncle Joe made Aunt Betsy happy. Alfred had liberties
+he never enjoyed previously. He rode Billy, the pony, when and where he
+chose. He ran rabbits, chased through the woods until the scant wardrobe
+he brought from home was in rags and tatters.
+
+The great Civil War had just begun. All the country was marching
+mad--soldiers passing and repassing along the pike. Aunt Betsy and Lacy
+Hare, the hired girl, decided that Alfred should have a soldier's suit
+that would surprise the natives. Neither had ever been blessed with
+children, neither had ever attempted to make a garment such as they
+fashioned in their minds for Alfred.
+
+The original that Alfred's suit was patterned after was a military
+uniform worn by John Stevenson in the War of 1848 between Mexico and the
+United States.
+
+As the faded garment was brought from the garret and Alfred, with
+wood-ashes and vinegar brightened up the ornaments and medals, he
+thought John had been a mighty general, judging from the medals he wore.
+When he learned John was only a fifer his admiration for him greatly
+increased and often he coaxed John to play the old tunes that cheered
+the warriors on to victory in the many battles John graphically
+described not recorded in history.
+
+Lacy with a pair of sheep shears cut out the coat, while Aunt Betsy held
+the pattern down on the heavy grey cloth. The goods were of the
+home-made quality, known as "linsey-woolsey," a material worn by farmers
+almost universally in those days. The household scissors were too dull
+to cut it, hence the sheep shears were pressed into service by Lacy.
+
+The coat cut, Alfred had to stand out in the entry while the women used
+his nether garments to pattern by. The door a little ajar, Alfred
+impatiently watched the two women cut out the pants. Lacy remarked,
+after he had asked for his pants twice:
+
+"Land sakes! Have a little patience. You climb trees, run through
+thickets, till you're rags and tatters, and I hope when we get these
+clothes done you'll settle down and save them to wear when you go
+anywhar."
+
+The women decided, or rather endeavored, to make the suit after the cut
+of the uniforms worn by the soldiers. Lacy insisted that a blouse would
+not look well on Alfred and it was decided to make him a jacket at the
+bottom "close fittin'" as Lacy expressed it.
+
+Nothing like this suit was ever seen before or after the war. Angles and
+folds were, where should have been smoothness; too short at the bottom,
+too high at the top, too tight where they should have been loose and
+vice versa. The jacket was short in the waist and high in the neck. Lacy
+remarked as they basted the thing that there seemed too much cloth in
+some parts but she thought it would take up in the sewing. The surplus
+cloth in the west side of the pants hung to the boy's calves, covering
+the limbs that far down. Therefore, it was difficult to decide at a
+distance where the jacket ended and the pants began. In fact, the boy,
+from a backside view at a little distance, seemed to be wearing a
+long-tailed coat.
+
+Going from you, Alfred looked like a grown man; coming towards you he
+looked more natural. Wherever there appeared a bunch or angle that
+seemed out of place, Lacy endeavored to modify the over abundance by
+tacking on one of the ornaments taken from the old uniform of which a
+great number were used. The shoulders of the jacket seemed to fit to
+suit Lacy, therefore she used the epaulets from the shoulders of the old
+soldier's uniform elsewhere. The seat of the pants hanging so low, Lacy
+said looked too bare, whereupon she tacked the epaulets on that part of
+the pants, with the yellow and red fringe hanging down.
+
+There was a very large lump resembling "Richard the Third's" hump; on
+this Lacy perched a brass eagle with wings spread as if about to fly off
+with the coat. Red and yellow stripes ran up and down the outside seam
+of the pants.
+
+Lacy said they "looked so purty it was a shame the folds of the cloth
+kivered so much of the stripe"; she "allowed it was too bad that more of
+the folds had not found their way into the seat of the pants cos it
+wa'n't noticed there, the epaulets hid it."
+
+Lacy had such a great quantity of this yellow and red material, she
+insisted on running a double row around the cuffs of the coat and
+around the bottom of the pants. Aunt Betsy gently dissented but Lacy
+seemed the moving spirit in the project and the elder woman deferred to
+her. The aunt said the only fear she had was that folks might think the
+suit too gaudy. Aunt Betsy said she feared they had not sewed the braid
+on straight or the pants wouldn't pucker so at the knees.
+
+All the ornaments, space could not be found for elsewhere, were tacked
+on the cap. The vizor or brim was the only disappointment to the women.
+No stiff leather procurable, they used cardboard and blackened it with
+shoe polish. This soon broke and crumpled. Lacy remarked:
+
+"The blame rim spiles the whole outfit."
+
+It dangled in Alfred's eyes all the time, hence he generally wore the
+vizor behind.
+
+The soldier clothes were to Alfred a thing of beauty and joy until he
+went to town. Alfred collected all the country boys he could enlist and
+called them the "Red Stone Blues." He found an old, rusty sword, its
+scabbard a load, yet he carried it wherever he went. Others of his
+company had corn cutters, old scythes and muskets.
+
+Alfred attempted to drill the boys as he had seen the home guards and
+Sam Graham's Zouaves do in town. Two old stove pipes were mounted on
+wheels for cannon.
+
+It was Alfred's ambition to ride at the head of his command as did the
+commander of the Ringold Cavalry, but Lacy had attached the epaulets to
+the seat of Alfred's trousers as they came from the shoulders of the old
+coat, and the tin shape frames prevented Alfred assuming any attitude
+while in the uniform than that of standing. When Alfred spoke to Lacy as
+to the advisability of changing the location of the epaulets she
+explained that they had nothing suitable to replace them. When Alfred
+complained he could not sit down, Lacy said:
+
+"Law sakes, you shouldn't think of it. Them 'air things are too purty to
+kiver up."
+
+The battle of Bull Run had been fought. The country was ablaze with
+excitement, war and rumors of war, war stories, war talk. Everybody was
+up in arms, soldiers moving everywhere, as the locality was not far from
+where battles were soon expected.
+
+Uncle Joe and Aunt Betsy went to town to hear the news. Alfred, left
+alone, marshalled his hosts in battle array.
+
+In the romance of Pierce Forrest, a young knight being dubbed by King
+Alexander, he was so elated he galloped into the woods, cut and slashed
+trees until he eased his effervescence and convinced the army he was a
+most courageous soldier.
+
+Alfred at the head of his army, strode down the column as Jupiter is
+said to have strode down the spheres as he hurled his thunderbolts at
+the Titans.
+
+Alfred and his army charged and recharged, Uncle Joe's hedge fence. On
+and on they charged, coming on the enemy standing ten deep in line,
+asking or giving no quarter; the enemy fell bruised and bleeding. Every
+stalk of Uncle Joe's broom corn patch lay on the ground, not one stalk
+standing to tell the tale.
+
+How vain are the baubles of war. Alfred standing in the midst of the
+field of slaughter--he could not sit down--heard a roar that froze his
+hot blood and scattered his army to the winds of anywhere and to the
+thickets.
+
+Uncle Joe, returning, had witnessed the slaughter of his broom corn from
+the top of the hill by the big shell-bark hickory nut trees. His yells
+not only struck terror to Alfred's heart but Black Fan and other stock
+broke from the fields into the big road where they stood trembling.
+
+[Illustration: Alfred's Redstone Blues]
+
+Lacy said she hadn't heard Uncle Joe chirp since he was baptized. When
+he hit his finger with a hammer she felt certain he would "break out,"
+but he stuck to his religion.
+
+As he crossed the apex of the hill and saw the broom corn falling before
+Alfred and his minions, the roar that floated across the flat sounded
+very much like:
+
+"Whatinthehellanddamnationdoesthismean?"
+
+When Alfred saw Ajax drawing nearer, his sword fell from his hand and
+Alfred fell on the broom corn, an object of abject fear. Ajax grabbed
+him by the nape of the neck and seat of his uniform, nearly ruining one
+of the epaulets.
+
+Never was warrior so ignobly driven or dragged from a field of victory.
+Aunt Betsy could find no excuse for Alfred. Broom corn was a necessity
+in the household work. Every farmer made his own brooms.
+
+After a very short trial by court martial it was decided that the
+country was too quiet for Alfred and that he should be transferred to
+town at once.
+
+Although tried and found guilty, Alfred, to his delight, was permitted
+to retain his side-arms and wear his uniform. The next day, standing
+between Aunt Betsy and Uncle Joe in the old buggy driving the old mare,
+he began the journey home. He was arrayed in full regimentals, the brim
+of the cap turned behind, his yellow hair hanging in strings, (it had
+never been curled since he went to the country).
+
+Everyone they met cast admiring glances at Alfred's uniform. The aunt
+was proud of the attention attracted. Passing through Sandy Hollow, Sid
+Gaskill, the roughest girl in the neighborhood, motioned the buggy to
+stop. As Sid inspected Alfred she requested him to turn around. Looking
+him over she asked:
+
+"Who made 'em?" referring to the uniform.
+
+Alfred promptly replied:
+
+"Lacy Hare helped Aunt Betsy make 'em."
+
+The aunt's face showed her satisfaction. Not even when Sid inquired if
+the clothes were made to wear in a show did the aunt's pride in Alfred's
+suit diminish, although the inference is that it was the military
+character of the clothes rather than the cloth or fit, she was proud of,
+as Aunt Betsy was very patriotic.
+
+All the way to town she was picturing what a surprise the suit would be
+to Mary and John, and it was.
+
+Alfred was driving the old mare as she had not been driven in years.
+Uncle Joe made him slow down. Uncle Joe sometimes exceeded the speed
+limit leaving town but usually went in at a respectable gait.
+
+Alfred's desire to see the loved ones at home was so strong that he
+jumped out of the buggy as they entered the town. Running ahead of the
+buggy he passed Uncle Bill's: Waving a welcome to Martha and Hester, who
+stood in the front yard, he regarded their laughter as evidence of their
+pleasure at seeing him back home again.
+
+When Martha shouted, "What devilment are you up to now?" he never
+imagined it was his appearance that so amused the girls.
+
+Over the fence, across lots to the rear of the house he scampered. Lin
+was out mopping the floor of the back porch. Perched on the top of the
+fence he caught sight of her.
+
+"Hello, Lin? How-dye?"
+
+Lin heard the voice. She did not recognize the speaker at once.
+
+"Hello, Lin?" he shouted again.
+
+Lin shaded her eyes, gazed hard at the boy, dropped the mop, and Alfred
+heard her call:
+
+"My Gawd, Mary! Come out here, quick!"
+
+The mother appeared as Alfred neared the house. Looking curiously at
+him, she covered her face with her apron and began to laugh. Lin ran
+into the house screaming and laughing. The boy stood abashed. The mother
+motioned him to approach her, pushing him into the house. She obtained a
+view of the rear of the warrior's uniform and a fresh outburst of
+laughter prevented her even speaking to him. Lin and the mother clasped
+each other in their arms as they swayed, weakened with laughter. Lin was
+the first to recover her speech. The boy's feelings were hurt.
+
+"Where's your regular clothes?" Lin first asked, "you bin in a-swimmin'
+agin and lost 'em, I reckon."
+
+The children came romping home from school, Sister Lizzie rolled on the
+floor as she caught sight of the boy and asked Lin, between screams:
+"Who dressed brother Al up like that?"
+
+The mother ordered him to remain in the room until they got other
+clothes for him. They did not want the neighbors to see him dressed as
+he was.
+
+The boy's spirit began to assert itself.
+
+"Laugh, if you feel like it. Lacy Hare and Aunt Betsy made me these
+clothes, they're regular soldier clothes. I'll bet if you laugh at them
+when Aunt Betsy comes she will tell you something. I don't see nothin'
+to laugh at."
+
+"Landsakes," spoke up Lin, "step in the parlor and look at yerself. Ef
+you don't laugh you're not the kind I took ye fer."
+
+Alfred did laugh and he got out of the clothes mighty quickly. Lin was
+delegated to explain to Aunt Betsy why they changed Alfred's clothes so
+quickly.
+
+Aunt Betsy informed them:
+
+"The boy had jes' romped until he was most naked. They didn't want to
+send to town for clothes for him, so Lacy and her jes' banded together
+and made him the suit. They had plenty of time and they concluded to
+make him a suit different from any other boy's. And it warn't much
+trouble to trim it up and make it nice rather than to make it plain. It
+took two days more to trim it than it did to make it."
+
+Lin told the good, honest soul they could not think of Alfred wearing
+the clothes every day in town. "We'll keep 'em off him 'til the next
+battle and when the peepul are all sad over their friends that's been
+killed, we'll dress him up and send him down the street."
+
+Many years afterwards, the writer, rummaging through the garret of the
+old home, the odd garments fashioned by Lacy Hare and Aunt Betsy were
+discovered. Recollections of the mirth they aroused when first brought
+to the notice of the family, prompted the carrying of the old musty
+outfit to the sitting room below.
+
+But somehow the odd looking suit failed to excite any merriment. It was
+rather regarded with reverence. The sight of it sent the thoughts of all
+traveling back to other and happier days. The mother thought of those
+whose kindly hands had fashioned the fantastic garments; of an elder
+sister who had filled a mother's place in the family. She remembered a
+happy home, its like unknown in all the country about, where hospitality
+was liberally dispensed, visitors always welcome. She thought of the
+first wife's passing, the coming of another to the big house. The
+lowering of the family name by the second marriage. The shunning of the
+old home by friends and relatives; of the rapid decline of the master;
+evil associates whom he preferred to those who had honored and loved
+him; the estrangement of family and friends.
+
+In her mind she could see in him a bent old man, prematurely old,
+leaving his home to seek shelter with strangers, lost to the sight of
+former friends, his whereabouts known only when the final summons came
+to him; his identity made known by his last request:
+
+"I have left money with George Gallagher to bury me. Bury me beside
+Betsy."
+
+And in her mind she saw two graves side by side, one with a marker
+reading "My Beloved Wife," the other unmarked.
+
+The mother softly said as she folded the coat and nether garments:
+
+"Put them away again."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER SEVEN
+
+    Backward, turn backward, oh, time in your flight,
+    Make me a child again, just for tonight.
+
+
+"Help is mighty skeerse an' ye got to take what ye kin git," was Lin's
+answer to the query of a neighbor as to why they had re-employed Cousin
+Charley after the confusion he had created in the family of Alfred.
+
+Cousin Charley was sent to the country on an errand that was supposed to
+consume a couple of hours.
+
+It was Circus day. The head of the family gave the boys sufficient money
+to pay their way from side-show to concert.
+
+That they might not miss any of the sights of Circus day, Charley
+arranged with Lin to serve breakfast by 5 a. m., to give him an early
+start, enabling him to return by 8 o'clock and take Alfred to the circus
+grounds to remain all day, the custom of the country folk in those days.
+
+Many families brought their lunch with them and picnicked on the show
+grounds. Among them was Abner Linn, a large man noted for his appetite
+and great strength. Abner was making his way through the crowd on Circus
+day, clearing a path, as it were, for his delicate little wife and more
+than half a dozen children. The frail little woman carried a large
+basket filled with eatables. The basket was more than a load and the
+little woman struggled to keep near her muscular husband. Glancing back
+and noticing the wife faltering, he relieved her of the basket and
+started forward at a faster walk than before.
+
+Gentle Harry Mason admiringly complimented him by saying:
+
+"Abner, that was very kind and thoughtful of you to carry that heavy
+basket for your wife."
+
+Ab, with a leer, said: "Gosh, I was afeard she'd get lost."
+
+Alfred cried to go to the country with Charley. Lin said:
+
+"Ye'll be so tired ye can't enjoy the show ef ye walk out thar an' back
+so early in the mornin'."
+
+Go Alfred would. Up Town Hill, through Sandy Hollow, through the old
+toll gate to Thornton's Lane where the boys were to turn off the old
+pike. But they did not turn off. They lingered under the big locust
+trees throwing stones at birds and against the high fence surrounding
+the Fair Grounds where Black Fan had won her famous race. The circus was
+coming in on the old pike from Uniontown. All circus travel was overland
+in those days.
+
+Cousin Charley argued if they did not see the show come in they'd miss
+one of the big sights of the day: they had plenty of time. The show
+would pass that way soon and Alfred was only too willing to linger.
+
+The dew, sparkling like diamonds as it lay on grass and plant, had
+disappeared; a summer's sun was pouring its direct rays on the old pike.
+Cousin Charley prevailed on the younger boy to continue the journey
+further eastward on the pike until they met the wagons. Cousin Charley
+explained that he was familiar with a short cut to their destination,
+and as they crossed the creek they would have a swim.
+
+This met with the hearty approval of Alfred. The boys walked out the old
+highway, passing Captain Abram's fine farm where Charley had dug
+potatoes on the shares, on beyond Uncle Jack's big stone house, nearly
+to Redstone School-house ere the circus wagons were met. As the wagons
+rolled by, the boys conjectured as to what each contained. There were no
+animal vans as the menagerie had not combined with the circus in those
+days. The big, gold-mounted band wagon, followed by a dozen passenger
+wagons, buggies and hacks, a half dozen led ring horses and ponies,
+passed, and the cavalcade was lost in the dust.
+
+Striking across the fields the boys were soon on the banks of Dunlap's
+Creek. Instead of the gently flowing stream in which they expected to
+bathe their heated bodies, they found a raging, muddy torrent, fast
+flowing, spreading over bottom lands, water half way up the stalks of
+the growing corn.
+
+Cousin Charley declared the water too muddy for bathing purposes; but he
+would undress, construct a raft of the plentiful rails that had lodged
+along the banks of the creek, and seating Alfred on the raft, he would
+swim, pushing the raft across the creek.
+
+Cousin Charley began constructing the raft near the creek bank proper,
+where the water was backed into the field. He dragged the rails through
+the water, sometimes lying down and swimming, at other times diving
+under the water. Alfred could not resist the temptation to undress and
+assist with the raft.
+
+[Illustration: The Life Raft]
+
+When completed, Cousin Charley seated Alfred on the top of the raft, the
+clothing of both boys being piled on his lap that they might not get
+wet. The raft was pushed off, Cousin Charley insisting that he was a
+stern wheel tow boat, kicking his feet out of the water to imitate the
+splash of the wheel. The boat did not make great headway but backed and
+went ahead as the raft floated down the creek. The banks were steeper on
+either side, therefore, the tow boat decided to go down the stream a
+little further ere landing. In fact, the towboat was having such a good
+time he did not fully realize the current was carrying his tow rapidly
+towards the old mill dam. Neither did the passenger on the raft realize
+this until he noticed a changed expression on the face of the tow boat.
+He further realized that the tow boat was laboring powerfully.
+
+In rounding a bend in the stream the tow actually swung around in the
+current, the tow boat not having power to prevent it. The younger boy
+for the first time noticed the roaring of the old dam, a fact the boy
+doing the towing had been aware of and terribly worried over for some
+time.
+
+In his excitement, the younger boy stood up on the raft.
+
+"Set down! Set down!" frantically yelled the boy in the water.
+
+Another alarming fact presented itself at this juncture. Several of the
+under rails had worked out and were only connected to the raft by one
+end. This caused the raft to settle on the port side and the younger boy
+could no longer keep his seat, fearing he would tumble off backwards
+into the stream.
+
+The boys became more and more excited, the roar of the old dam grew
+nearer and nearer. Louder and louder came the noise of the waters
+tumbling over it. Both boys pictured themselves being swept over the dam
+into the whirlpool below. No victim of Niagara's treacherous tides ever
+neared his doom with greater terror. Down, down, floated rails and
+cargo; Cousin Charley struggling as he never did before; Alfred
+screaming as he never did before or since.
+
+When Cousin Charley began shouting for help, the younger boy became
+hysterical. The roar of the rushing water seemed to drown all other
+sounds and Cousin Charley's voice, though he shouted at the top of his
+lungs' strength, sounded to Alfred's ears like a voice in the distance.
+
+"Set down! Set down! For God's sake, set down! You'll fall off. Set
+down!" yelled Cousin Charley.
+
+Instead of obeying, Alfred clambered higher and higher on the rails,
+waving his shirt frantically and shouting for help. The shirt served as
+a signal of distress.
+
+Morg Gaskill was in the field above the Young House. He saw the shirt
+waving. The roar of the waters drowned the boys' voices. Gaskill,
+rushing to the saw-mill, grabbed a log hook and ran up the banks of the
+creek.
+
+The boys could see the break of the water as it rushed over the crest of
+the dam and the white, foamy splashes as it bounded up from where it
+fell below. Cousin Charley was barely holding on to the tow; Alfred was
+sinking down on the almost disintegrated raft.
+
+Gaskill, muscular and active, rushed into the water up to his middle,
+shot the pole out. The hook caught over the rails, but they pulled out.
+Alfred fell on them as the raft drifted apart. Down went all of
+Charley's wearing apparel excepting his big straw hat and one shoe which
+Alfred clutched unconsciously in one hand. As Alfred fell forward on the
+rails he grabbed the hook or pole and held on for dear life as Gaskill
+pulled him ashore, more dead than alive.
+
+The elder boy was floated off holding onto two rails. It was but a
+moment until the strong young man had both lads ashore. They dragged the
+hook along the bottom of the creek but not a vestige of the clothes of
+either could be found. Charley had one shoe and a large straw hat.
+Alfred had a shirt, rather long, and a hat.
+
+Explanations were gone into. Gaskill went into the house, returning with
+an old rubber boot, a calico shirt and a pair of corduroy pants. Many
+patches made their original material a matter of doubt. He explained
+that was the best he could do for Charley and said:
+
+"I don't know what we will do for the chap," scanning Alfred, "unless he
+wears one of Hannah's dresses," which Cousin Charley endeavored to
+persuade Alfred to do.
+
+Alfred declared he would sneak home as best he could with only the
+shirt. The boy realized that Cousin Charley would never cease teasing
+him if he wore the dress.
+
+Alfred's body was covered with mud, Cousin Charley insisted that he go
+down to the water's brink and wash the mud from his body but Alfred
+could not be prevailed upon to go near the creek.
+
+A large pail of very cold water was fetched from the well. With a
+mischievousness little short of cruelty, the water was poured on
+Alfred's head, streaming down over his body, his teeth chattered, his
+lips turned blue.
+
+The women folks of the house were coming, so Alfred ran into the high
+grass to hide; while Cousin Charley and Gaskill renewed their search of
+the creek for the lost clothes. The house had been searched and nothing
+suitable to clothe Alfred could be found. There were no boys in the
+family.
+
+There was a whispered consultation and one of the women hastened to the
+house. Returning, she handed Gaskill a white linen garment. He walked
+towards Alfred, his face distorted, endeavoring to suppress his
+laughter.
+
+Gaskill, unrolling the something made of muslin, commanded Alfred to get
+into it. As he put one foot through the upheld opening, he caught sight
+of Cousin Charley's face and his attempted concealment of laughter. This
+so exasperated Alfred that he did not notice the garment he was being
+encased in. He upbraided Cousin Charley for his unseemly levity:
+
+"Yes, laugh, you durn big fool! Laugh! You was skeered more than I was.
+Dog-gone ye, it was all your fault. If we had drowned you would have
+been to blame, then I reckon you'd laughed tuther side of your mouth.
+You big fool, you."
+
+By this time Gaskill had the muslin garment fastened on Alfred. The
+waistband, which was too wide, Gaskill doubled over and pinned it. The
+legs were the same size all the way down, extending only a little below
+the knees. The seat seemed to have a surplus similar to the uniform
+Lacy Hare had fashioned, although this part of the garment stood off
+from his person, not clinging like the heavy material of the military
+clothes.
+
+Alfred, surveying himself as they walked towards the house where Mr.
+Young had invited them to have a bite of dinner, "after their skeer,"
+began to realize that the linen garments he wore were similar to those
+that Lin washed last and never hung on the line in the front yard where
+the men came in. This discovery did not prevent him laughing at himself.
+
+[Illustration: "I Won't Go Through Town with Them Things On"]
+
+Alfred hesitatingly entered the house. Gaskill and Cousin Charley were
+tittering and laughing. Gaskill inquired: "Well, how are you going to
+git home?"
+
+Charley replied: "I reckon I'll have to hide him out 'til after dark or
+send him on ahead for, by the eternal, I won't go through town with him
+with them things on."
+
+Old Mrs. Young, gently leading the abashed boy to the table, spoke words
+of assurance, reproving the men for their levity.
+
+The Youngs were of the Dunkard faith, a religious sect numerous in the
+vicinity.
+
+On their way home Alfred was the more hilarious of the two. In a spirit
+of bravado he declared he intended to walk right down the main street
+crowded as it would be on circus day. He further declared his intention
+to tell Pap and Mother the whole story--just how it happened.
+
+Alfred seemed to have the better of the bigger and older boy. In fact,
+during the past year Alfred had been gradually gaining the mastery of
+Cousin Charley insofar as mind was concerned.
+
+It has been said that each mind has its own method, no two reason and
+think alike. Alfred seemed to think quicker than Cousin Charley and
+often turned the tables on the older boy in a mental contest. On this
+occasion Cousin Charley finally gained the mastery by his threats not to
+take the younger boy to the circus.
+
+It was agreed that Cousin Charley should tell the folks of the day's
+adventure. As they neared home their mirth diminished as their fears
+increased: how to run the gauntlet, as it were. So far they had avoided
+the highways, skulking through thicket and fields. As they neared the
+old Smouse place, now occupied by Mart Massie as a dairy farm, the
+milkman was hitching up preparatory to making his usual rounds.
+
+Cousin Charley, perhaps feeling it would be a good rehearsal, recounted
+the story he had concocted to relate to Alfred's parents. The milkman
+was greatly interested in the thrilling narrative and consented to store
+the boys in the back end of the milk wagon, delivering them when he
+delivered the milk to their folks. The boys thought it a very long milk
+route. Alfred had Cousin Charley as nearly nervous as his nature would
+permit by more than once threatening to get out and walk home.
+
+When they neared home, passing through Church Street, Alfred made a move
+to leave the wagon, crawling over the end gate backwards, his limbs
+dangling outside, his head and body hid by the closely drawn curtains.
+Cousin Charley, after struggling, pulled him into the wagon under cover.
+
+[Illustration: "If Ye Ain't Lyin' About This and I'm Hopin' Ye Air"]
+
+Several women had caught sight of the limbs and the unmentionable
+garments. While the driver was entirely ignorant of the cause, he was
+forever disgraced on this part of his route. An old Scotch lady declared
+to several of her neighbors the "shameless hussy was bare to the kilt."
+
+Arriving in front of Alfred's home, Cousin Charley hustled him into the
+house the front way as Lin came up the path from the back part of the
+house in answer to the bell of the milkman, who was of the gossiping
+kind, and managed to give Lin the outlines of Cousin Charley's story as
+he drew the milk and cream from his large cans.
+
+Lin could scarcely wait until he poured the milk into her pitcher.
+Giving the milk vendor a withering look, she slammed the gate and
+hissed:
+
+"I'll bet a fippennybit that's another of Charley's durn lies."
+
+Hurrying into the kitchen she seized a rolling pin, her favorite weapon.
+Two stairs at a time she bounded, reaching the room where Cousin Charley
+had related about half of the harassing details of the rescue of Alfred.
+This was his story:
+
+"He had stopped to rest. Alfred got out of his sight in some way. He
+heard screams from the creek. He saw Alfred floating down the stream on
+a log which he had been paddling around in the shallow water. It was but
+the work of a moment to disrobe. Plunging into the raging torrent he had
+to swim for dear life to overtake the fast floating boy on the log. He
+had just managed to land him before the dam was reached. A moment later
+and they would both have been carried over the dam to certain
+destruction."
+
+The mother was faint with nervousness and sadly shook her head as she
+said:
+
+"That boy will be the death of me yet. His disobedience is something I
+cannot understand. No wonder his father is out of patience with him."
+
+Lin was watching Charley closely, occasionally casting side glances at
+Alfred. She had a gleam in her eyes that made Charley falter more than
+once in his narration.
+
+Charley was still in the details when Lin interrupted him with:
+
+"Durn yer pictur', ye nivir take this boy anywhar yer not back with a
+cock and bull story. Next ye'll be fightin' Injuns or gypsies to save
+Alfurd and it all amounts to Alfurd gittin' whupped an' somethin, fer ye
+to laff over."
+
+Here she brandished the rolling pin over Charley, raising herself higher
+as the boy shrank from her threatening motions.
+
+"Ef ye ain't lyin' 'bout this, an' I'm hopin' ye air, we ought to be
+mighty thankful to ye. But I'm boun' to hev the truth. Set down, or I'll
+knock ye down."
+
+"'Al-f-u-r-d,' I want ye to stan' up like a little man. Ye nivir tol' me
+a lie 'cept when ye stol' us hungry carryin' vittles to this houn'," as
+she pointed to the thoroughly frightened Charley, who whined:
+
+"That's all the thanks I git for risking my life."
+
+"Shet up," Lin almost yelled, "ye'll not tell one word of this to Mr.
+Hatfield."
+
+"Stan' up 'Al-f-u-r-d' an' look this helgrimite in the face an' shame
+the devil. Didn't he push ye in the creek?"
+
+"No, ma'am," falteringly. "I went in myself."
+
+Charley began to look triumphant.
+
+"Did he pull you out?"
+
+"No, ma'am, Morg Gaskill pulled us both out."
+
+Lin fairly hissed: "I knowed ye was lyin'."
+
+Thus encouraged, Alfred graphically related the adventures of the day,
+not omitting any of the details save the dangling of his limbs out of
+the milk wagon.
+
+Charley was taken aback and thereafter his credibility was destroyed in
+so far as the mother and Lin were concerned. He pouted and endeavored to
+deny portions of the younger boy's recital but was met with such
+positive assertions from Alfred that he retired entirely discomfited.
+
+Lin's only comment was: "Durn ye; I'd be afeard to put my head in a
+circus, much less a church." Lin looked upon one with as much reverence
+as the other.
+
+The boys missed the afternoon performance but were there early for the
+night show. At the opening note of the hand organ in the side-show
+Cousin Charley and Alfred were inside. The orator had eloquently
+described the curiosities pictured on the long line of banners in front
+of the side-show. But the most alluring object had not been mentioned,
+namely, a long show case filled with jewelry, symbolic numbers, bank
+notes of all denominations. A dice box on top of the glass-covered case
+was the means by which the yokels were assured they could extract the
+jewelry, bank notes, etc.
+
+The father had given Charley ample funds to cover admission fees to all
+shows and a liberal allowance for refreshments. Alfred was very much
+interested in the big snake and the lady whom the lecturer introduced as
+a snake charmer.
+
+The lecturer announced that the performance was over, but another would
+be given in fifteen minutes. All those wishing to remain for the next
+performance were privileged to do so. Those congregated around the show
+case whereon the dice rattled were the only ones to remain.
+
+Alfred heard the man behind the case saying: "Try your luck again, young
+man. You were within one number of the capital prize. You can't win it
+every time. Try again."
+
+Charley did try again and again. He did not win the capital prize but in
+lieu of $4 he had two brass rings, a pair of brass cuff buttons and a
+lead pencil with a sharpener on the end of it.
+
+The shades of night were falling. The lights in the big tent could be
+seen over the side wall. Hundreds of candles on a pyramid-shaped
+candelabra made of boards. Think of it, ye modern Ringlings, candles the
+only lights!
+
+The band playing, Alfred imagined the show going on: the horses going
+around. All the glories and beauties he had been anticipating for weeks
+would be lost to him. He implored Cousin Charley to hurry up and
+purchase their tickets.
+
+Hundreds were buying tickets. The big red wagon was open, the ticket
+seller handling the pasteboards with lightning-like rapidity. It was Ben
+Lusbie. He was the lightning ticket seller of the circus world. Such was
+his dexterity that Forepaugh afterwards lithographed him as an
+attraction.
+
+Alfred's urgent appeals to "hurry and get our tickets" were lost upon
+Cousin Charley. He was seemingly dazed. The man at the big door shouted:
+"Everybody hold their own ticket; all must have tickets."
+
+The hustle and confusion made Alfred still more impatient. He gave the
+older boy's arm a rough jerk as he urged him to get their tickets.
+Cousin Charley seemed to wake up and the awful truth was
+revealed--Cousin Charley had been robbed. Alfred must stand right there
+until he took the jewelry back to the side show and recovered his money.
+
+Alfred stood right there. Hundreds passed him, laughing and crowding
+into the big show. The longer Alfred waited the more miserable he
+became. Despair came over him. He waited, Cousin Charley did not come.
+The crowd thinned out; deeper and deeper Alfred's heart sank within him.
+
+Anger began to take the place of disappointment. He would beat Cousin
+Charley black and blue with the first thing he could lay his hands on.
+He would expose all he had been concealing in a hundred mean things
+Charley had been guilty of.
+
+The band played louder in the big tent. The feeling that he was missing
+all came back to him stronger than ever, bringing the hot tears to his
+eyes. They rolled down his cheeks until it seemed they would dampen the
+earth at his feet.
+
+Alfred saw a large man pushing his way to the ticket wagon. It was
+Doctor Bob Playford, the biggest whole-souled friend any boy ever had.
+When the circus came, it was the custom of Bob Playford to wait until
+the crowd got in, then, collecting all the boys on the lot who could not
+command the price of admission, make a contract with the door-keeper and
+put them all in the show.
+
+There are scores of men now, boys then, whose prayers have gone up that
+kind hearted Bob Playford found it as easy to enter the gates above as
+he made it for them to enter that heaven to a boy below--the circus.
+
+Alfred knew full well that Doctor Playford would buy him a ticket but
+his pride would not permit him to ask this.
+
+Accompanying the Doctor were Willie Playford, his son, and Bob Kennedy,
+his nephew. The boys, recognizing Alfred, asked if he were going in the
+show. Endeavoring to swallow a big lump in his throat, his voice choked
+as he answered: "No."
+
+"Were you there this afternoon?"
+
+Again Alfred answered: "No."
+
+No longer able to restrain himself he told of Charley's folly. The
+Doctor, approaching, Alfred's story was repeated, as it progressed,
+Alfred's sobbing and crying increased.
+
+The Doctor, giving him a sympathetic look and a rough shake, said: "Now
+stop crying, stop crying, you dam little fool. When the circus comes to
+town you always come to me and I'll see that you get in."
+
+The big Doctor, Alfred and the boys were seated long before the
+performance began, Alfred forgetting Cousin Charley, the raft, the
+garments he had dangled out of the milk wagon; in fact all the trials
+and tribulations of life were as fleeting dreams. Happiness lingered
+within his whole being. The sights and wonders, the clowns were all
+flitting before him. The evening was one of bewilderment and enchantment
+to the boy.
+
+The old clown was his especial delight. He fairly shouted at his quips
+and antics. When the mules were brought in and $5 offered to the boy or
+man who could ride one of them, Alfred was tempted to make the trial. He
+felt certain he could do better than those who were being cast off like
+babies by the agile animals.
+
+The show over, they started with the crowd toward the door. A whistle
+sounded, the walls of the tent fell as if by magic. The Doctor and the
+boys stood a long time watching the tents lowered.
+
+As they passed up the narrow passage leading from the show lot to the
+street, Cousin Charley met them, his appearance evidencing his shame and
+disappointment. The Doctor began chiding him.
+
+Charley, in his illuminating way, explained that he went into the side
+show, and the man coaxed him to shake the dice. He shook and came within
+one every time he shook of winning the capital prize. He left the game,
+was induced to go back and shake again and the first dash out of the box
+he won the capital prize. They refused to give it to him, grabbed the
+money he had in his hand and put him out of the tent. He had been up on
+the hill to see Squire Wilkinson to swear out a warrant for their arrest
+but the Squire was at prayer-meeting. (They always have prayer meeting
+when the circus comes to town). He ran back to find the man who took his
+money.
+
+"If I'd found him, I'd licked him or he'd licked me," concluded Charley.
+
+The big Doctor playfully straightened out his powerful arm, pushing
+Charley backwards. Gazing at him in a humorously contemptuous manner as
+he said:
+
+"Look here, my boy, you lie. You were gambling? No one but a country
+Jake would try to beat that game. I lost two dollars on that eight dice
+case myself. Now let me give you a little advice: 'Don't bet on another
+man's game unless you have money at home, for you are sure to lose all
+you have with you.'"
+
+Alfred and Cousin Charley wended their way home Alfred endeavored to
+express his sympathy in detailing the wondrous sights he had witnessed
+in the circus. Alfred was sorry for Cousin Charley and while his
+intentions were commendable his descriptions of the circus only added to
+the disappointment and chagrin of the elder boy.
+
+That night Alfred dreamed of heaven in his happiness. He dreamed that
+heaven was one big circus, with angels in pink tights and clowns
+capering on the golden streets. Peanuts and candy were heaped in piles
+invitingly, free to all. He dreamed of a big, blue-eyed man who stood at
+the Golden Gates and passed all the boys in free and when they
+did not come of their own accord he beckoned to them. He seemed to enjoy
+the happiness of the boys more than the boys themselves.
+
+Next morning at breakfast the wonders of the circus were gone over
+again. Alfred did not breathe a word as to Cousin Charley's loss of the
+money at the gaming table.
+
+Since the night of the circus Alfred had busied himself preparing to
+give his first show. The costumes and a place to give the exhibition
+seemed to worry him more than the entertainment he was to offer.
+
+Lin was his assistant. It might be more proper to state that Lin was the
+prime mover, and the director of the proposed exhibition, although Lin
+kept her activity concealed from the other members of the family. She
+explained her participation in the coming show thusly:
+
+"Well, it's better fer a body to keep yer yungins to hum even ef it does
+clutter up the house to hev their fun. Alfurd's mos' crazy 'bout bein' a
+circus clown an' ye'd die laffin' to see the little cuss cuttin' didoes.
+I'd rather see him doin' it than hev him trapesin' the streets like
+Bill's Charley."
+
+Lin never lost an opportunity to cast a reflection on Charley.
+
+Alfred, Lin and the mother were seated at the breakfast table,
+discussing Alfred's show. Ways and means were the subjects. The mother
+was an interested listener, although a quiet dissenter. She could not
+understand how Alfred, even with Lin's aid, could offer anything in the
+way of a show to entertain even children.
+
+The price of admission was to be two ten-penny nails. The boat building
+industry was thriving and the boys often went aboard a new boat picking
+up the nails the carpenters let fall in their work. The nail idea was
+Lin's and we must accord her some degree of originality.
+
+"Pins had always been the equivalent for cash for admission to amatoor
+shows." Lin said "our show." She always said "our show" when talking to
+the neighbors. When the show was referred to at home it was "Alfred's
+show."
+
+Costumes were the perplexity of Alfred. He desired "purty" clothes: it
+made the acting look better.
+
+Lin added: "Purty duds makes a lot in a show, or in meetin'," meanwhile
+looking mischievously at the mother. She said to Alfred: "Ye've got a
+tolerable good start fur as ye're concerned yerself, with the two suits
+ye fetched hum lately--the soldier suit Lacy Hare and Aunt Betsy made ye
+an' the one Mrs. Young lent ye."
+
+Morg Gaskill had requested the return of the latter mentioned garments
+but Alfred's climbing of fences, running through briar patches and
+dangling out of milk wagons had pretty well used the garments up. The
+mother therefore in return sent similar garments.
+
+Alfred insisted that the unmentionables Mrs. Young loaned him should be
+the basis of his clown suit. Although Alfred has worn many grotesque
+costumes since, none ever more strongly appealed to the risibilities of
+an audience than did those same garments. Lin said they were "the
+funniest fit she ever seed an' she wondered to gawd who they ever wuz
+made fer. Two meal sacks fastened together would fit jes' as well."
+
+The show passed off as amateur shows generally do, with a great many
+hitches, accidents and quarrels. The night was a stormy one, without and
+within. The audience all came early and stood around the kitchen stove
+while Alfred and the other performers robed themselves, for there were
+no dressing rooms. Lin commanded the audience to turn their faces and
+look toward the stove while the actors were dressing.
+
+The audience were compelled to go through the kitchen to gain entrance
+to the place of exhibition, the cellar. On Lin would fall the labor of
+cleaning up next day; therefore, as each auditor appeared at the kitchen
+door, Lin shouted: "Wipe yer feet 'fore ye come in."
+
+That the show might go on without hindrance, or for some other reason,
+the father and mother visited a neighbor that night. This was a great
+relief to Alfred and Lin.
+
+Lin said: "Ef Mary ever sees this kitchen afore I git at it in the
+mornin' she'll hev a fit of the conniptions."
+
+The show was very unsatisfactory to Alfred. He was dissatisfied with his
+company and declared they "couldn't do nuthin'." One or two weakened at
+the last moment. When looked for to take their place in the ring they
+were found seated or standing among the audience and no persuasion from
+the manager or the audience could induce them to go on with their part
+of the performance. This was exasperating to Alfred. He either enacted
+their roles or explained the part they were expected to perform.
+
+Lin went wild over his impersonations of Daniel Boone, Santa Anna and
+Davy Crockett. Lin said: "I tell ye what, Lacy Hare's soldier suit come
+in jes' right."
+
+Young Bill Colvin, a nephew of Uncle Joe's neighbor, was seated near the
+ringside. He plucked at one of the epaulets while Davy Crockett was
+supposed to be holding the cabin door against the wolves. This ruffled
+the temper of Davy to such an extent that he smote Bill. Bill smote
+back. Over and over they rolled on the cellar floor. Davy might have
+been a mighty man pitted against the wolves, but Bill Colvin was getting
+the better of him until Lin rushed to the rescue.
+
+Parting the combatants, young Colvin was rushed to the door, flung half
+way across the street by Lin and the door slammed in his face. Lin was
+more loudly applauded than any other part of the show.
+
+She made a speech:
+
+"Ef there's any other freckled faced willun here thet's goin' to do
+anythin' to bust up this show, now's the time fer 'em to wade in while
+I'm het up. Huh, Bill Colvin thinks caus' his daddy's rich he kin do
+anythin' he wants to, but he'll find he's up agin a stump when he starts
+a fuss in this shanty."
+
+Lin's sunny disposition was rarely crossed by shadows, but she was
+terribly angry and the best of order was maintained for the remainder of
+the evening.
+
+Although there was no visible evidence of the mud and dirt tracked into
+the kitchen by the audience, the next morning the mother forever put the
+ban on future shows in so far as the cellar or kitchen were concerned.
+
+Lin had constructed a rude candelabra after the style of the one in the
+circus. It was left hanging in the cellar. Lin lit them up when Aunt
+Betsy came on Saturday to show her how "purty" they were. Afterwards, in
+the absence of Lin, the mother confidentially imparted the information
+to Aunt Betsy that "Lin was crazier over such things than Alfred, and it
+was pretty much all her doings."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Lin had been busy for weeks, in fact, ever since the show in the cellar,
+patching, sewing, and putting together old rag carpet, canvas, heavy
+with paint, that had been ripped from the hurricane deck of an old
+steamboat.
+
+Alfred was to give another show, this time on Jeffries' Commons and
+under canvas, or rather, inside of canvas. Since the night the side wall
+fell as Dr. Playford and he were leaving the tent, the boy had been
+revolving this plan in his mind. He felt certain he could collect, with
+the aid of the boys, sufficient material to encircle the ring which had
+been long constructed and used to practice in. A center pole with side
+poles planted in the ground like fence posts. A top for the tent was out
+of the question but nearly sufficient material had been collected to
+encircle the poles, making a sidewall nearly ten feet high.
+
+Lin had announced the price of admission at one cent and had so
+extensively advertised the show by word of mouth that the children were
+already visiting Alfred's home to buy tickets of admission. This
+aggravated the mother more greatly than even the cellar show. The mother
+feared the neighbors would think that she was interested in the show,
+financially.
+
+Lin said: "Let 'em think what they durn please. Some of 'em's in a
+mighty big hurry to pay fur their tickets. Ef they'd pay back the
+saleratus, salt, sugar, tea, coffee, an' sich they've borryed from us
+we'd be better off. But some peepul will spend money quicker fer fun
+than they will fer vittles or religion."
+
+It was the night before the show. A consultation was held in the tent
+between Alfred and his aids. There was an opening of at least ten feet
+in length in the side of the tent and no canvas or other material to
+close it up. Turkey Evans had brought the last strip of an old rag
+carpet he had taken surreptitiously from an unused room of his home. The
+two old quilts Tom White had stolen from Betsy Smart were in place with
+half moons, hearts, diamonds, and sunflowers worked on them in raised
+figures. They gave the tent the appearance of an Indian tepee.
+
+Win Scott had contributed all the coffee, grain or salt sacks he could
+secure by rummaging every building on Stable Street. Some of the boys
+had even appropriated the aprons worn by Nimrod Potts, the shoemaker. As
+Mr. Potts was of goodly size the two aprons from his shop went a long
+ways toward making a partition between the tent and the dressing room.
+Spliced to the bed tick Bindley Livingston had thrown out of the third
+story window of his father's house, the aprons closed up the opening
+completely.
+
+But the big opening near the door was still a gaping void. After all had
+confessed to their inability to furnish another yard of material, Alfred
+advised that in the garret of his grandfather's home there was a large
+cedar chest filled with whitest linen, three pieces of which would close
+up the opening but he knew grandpap would not let him take it "caus' he
+was a Baptis' and agin shows."
+
+Win Scott argued that it would be no harm to take the linen. The fact
+that it had lain there unused was proof positive they would never miss
+it. Just as soon as the show was over they would take it back and no one
+would ever know it but themselves.
+
+Alfred being entirely familiar with grandfather's house it was planned
+he should creep upstairs, open a window and throw sufficient of the
+linen out of the garret into old man Morehouse's back yard where the
+others would station themselves, carry the linen to the old school house
+and secrete it until the following morning.
+
+Alfred's limbs trembled so he could scarcely stand as he opened the back
+door of the big stone house. Up the long flight of stairs he crept, the
+creaking of a loose board startling him so he nearly fainted. Although
+not a light burned in that part of the house, so familiar was he with
+its interior that he had no difficulty in finding his way.
+
+As he reached the top of the stairs leading to the garret, still on
+hands and knees, the old furniture, odds and ends piled around
+indiscriminately, took on the grotesqueness of imps, demons and other
+fantastic figures. So wrought up was his imagination that nothing but
+the fear of ridicule from his confederates forced him on. Crawling along
+the dirty, sooty, begrimed floor, he soon located the old cedar chest.
+
+Raising the lid, the aroma of camphor and rose leaves nearly overcame
+him. Even in the dark he could discern the folds of whitest linen.
+Counting out five pieces, he tiptoed to the window. With the signal--a
+soft whistle--down floated the first sheet, caught by one of the boys
+ere it touched the ground. The next sheet hit the brick pavement with a
+thud. Partly unfolding the next two Alfred followed their fluttering
+course to the earth with his gaze. He could see the white objects moving
+off like specters floating through space.
+
+They appeared so ghost-like the sight almost paralyzed him. Shaking with
+nervousness, the last sheet left his hands accidently catching on the
+window fastening. It spread out like a great, white bird with flapping
+wings and slowly fluttered to the earth.
+
+A door opened below. Alfred nearly collapsed. Tip-toeing across the room
+he stumbled over an object on the floor causing a great racket. Falling
+on the floor he crawled behind a number of old quilting frames and lay
+there ever so quiet expecting momentarily to hear some of the family
+ascending the stairs.
+
+Crawling slowly to the stairs he softly descended, opened the door and
+shot out into the darkness of the night. The perspiration streaming down
+his face. Wiping it away with his soot begrimed hands, so blackened his
+countenance his companions scarcely recognized him when he reached the
+rendezvous, the old school-house on the commons.
+
+When the last sheet fluttered down from the garret, Win Scott stepped
+under it. Tommy Morehouse's back door opened. With the sheet fluttering
+about him, Scott ran down the garden path and out through the barn into
+Stable Street.
+
+Nearly opposite the stable from which he had just emerged was the big
+stable of the Marshall House, a tavern kept by Isaac Vance, the uncle of
+Ike Stribeg, the afterwards noted circus agent.
+
+Baggy Allison and Hughey Boggs, characters of the town, were seated on a
+bench outside the door of the big stable. Scott, pulling the sheet more
+closely about him and waving his arms wildly, quickly crossed the street
+towards the two worthies, thinking to have some fun with them. Both
+caught sight of him at the same instant. One corner of the sheet,
+fluttering high in the air, it certainly was a skittish looking object
+that floated down upon the two superstitious men. Over went the bench, a
+chair or two, Allison stepped in a tin pail as he arose, his foot
+entangled in it. The clattering of Baggy's foot in the pail added ten
+fold to the terror of Hughey. He swore afterwards he could feel the
+clutch of the long, bony fingers of the ghost on his neck.
+
+[Illustration: He Could Feel the Clutch of Long, Bony Fingers on Him]
+
+The hostlers flew, both trying to enter the narrow door of the tavern.
+Wedged in the doorway, each thought the other holding him. Fighting,
+cussing, scratching, they were pulled into the big tap room filled with
+guests. All imagined the two hostlers were fighting and endeavored to
+separate them.
+
+Baggy Allison was very slow of speech; Hughey Boggs stuttered painfully.
+After they were separated they kept up their clawing and waving.
+
+Baggy, pointing toward the stable, blurted out: "Ghost! Ghost! Ghost
+after us! Ketch it! Ketch it!"
+
+Hughey stuttering more terribly, owing to his fright had, only got to
+"Gh--gh--gh--gh," when Baggy had finished explaining the cause of their
+fright.
+
+Bud Beckley, old Johnny Holmes and Jim Hubbs, the town constable, were
+the first to run towards the stable, but nothing was to be seen in any
+direction. Baggy and Hughey were unmercifully scored for their
+cowardice, and were ridiculed for days afterward.
+
+Win Scott was as badly frightened as the two hostlers. The flight of the
+men caused him to redouble his speed. On down Stable Street to
+Playford's Alley, out along the high stone wall enclosing Nelson
+Bowman's castle, on to Jeffries' Commons, formerly an old graveyard.
+
+Here, according to report, the spook sank into a sunken grave. Albert
+Baker's mother saw the apparition as did Sammy Honesty, one of Bowman's
+servants.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Saturday morning, the day of the show, was one of those days that nature
+often bestows on Brownsville: not the fleck of a floating cloud in the
+firmament above. Even the winds slept that they might not ruffle the
+tranquility of the scene or Alfred's tent.
+
+Lin was greatly disturbed over the opening in the tent. She declared:
+"Every dadratted, stingy critter in the neighborhood would jes' stan'
+outside and peek in fer nuthin'; and jes' to think, we got all the other
+places kivered only that plague-goned old hole right by the door."
+
+When Win Scott arrived with the white linen sheets, Lin was greatly
+surprised. She feared they were not come by honestly. The boys assured
+her they had borrowed them, promising to return them as good as they
+came.
+
+Lin was finally persuaded to tack and sew the sheets on the tent. When
+completed, she surveyed her work for a moment and said: "We're all
+hun-ki-dora now"--a slang phrase in those days signifying "all right."
+
+Jeffries Commons swarmed with children. So impatient was Alfred to open
+the circus that he refused to eat dinner. Lin fetched him a pie which he
+devoured as he worked.
+
+Win Scott was the door-keeper and treasurer. Lin had a wordy war with
+the treasurer soon after the doors opened. Willie Shuman, who was lame,
+wanted to sit on the treasurer's seat, a soap box near the main
+entrance. Win objected solely on the grounds that real shows did not
+permit patrons to sit where they pleased but made them stand around. Lin
+secured another soap box and Willie was given the kind of seat he
+desired "up high," as Lin expressed it, "so nobody could stan' in front
+of him."
+
+Lin insisted on counting the receipts several times while the audience
+was assembling and when they reached sixty-eight cents, she concluded it
+was too much money to entrust to any one connected with the show.
+Emptying the pennies in her pocket, she pinned it up, remarking: "Ef
+there's no trouble comes up about them there new linen sheets, we'll
+give another show tonight. I hev all the lights hangin' in the cellar
+ready."
+
+The ghost seen the night before had been the talk of the town and that
+it disappeared on the old commons near the tent was whispered about
+among those in attendance at Alfred's show. Lin heard whispers of the
+reports and somehow she could not entirely dispossess her mind of the
+idea that the new linen sheets were connected in some way with the
+ghosts. However, so deeply interested was she in the manifold duties she
+had imposed upon herself that ghosts and linen sheets were, for the
+time, forgotten.
+
+Sitting on a soap box holding two children on her lap, so they could see
+it all, Lin was calling on Alfred to come back into the ring and repeat
+a twisting about trick he had just performed. Lin said the children
+wanted to see him do it "agin."
+
+Encores were numerous from Lin, no matter whether the major portion of
+the audience desired them or not; if the children expressed a wish to
+see any feat repeated Lin simply commanded that it be done and if the
+performer hesitated to take a recall, Lin sat the children off her lap
+and marched the performer out and compelled him to comply with the
+children's wishes.
+
+Although it was balmy spring, there was a tinge of chill in the air that
+touched one. Many of the boys were compelled to undress to don their
+costumes, and Joe Sandford's costume especially was not conducive to
+comfort and warmth.
+
+Alfred had strongly impressed it upon all who participated in the
+performance that they must have real show clothes. Many and surprising
+were the costumes. Tom White's father had been a member of the Sons of
+Malta. Young White wore his father's regalia, a cross between the
+make-up of Captain Kidd and Rip Van Winkle.
+
+Joe Sanford's costume made Alfred slightly jealous. Lin had trimmed the
+garments loaned Alfred by Mrs. Young. She had made him a body dress from
+an old patch quilt, the figures worked in yellow and red. Yet the colors
+were not as bright as those in the costume of Joe.
+
+It was spring time, house-cleaning and wall-papering time. Mrs. Sanford,
+being of an inventive turn of mind, collected the wall paper scraps,
+particularly the red border paper. Fashioning a suit out of the paper,
+she pasted it together. The costume was after the style of Napoleon, as
+we have seen him in pictures. Joe was without clothing of any kind
+except the pasty wall paper suit, stripes on the trousers running up and
+down and on the jacket encircling. As Joe walked about the dressing room
+to keep warm the paper suit rustled and swished. He was the admiration
+of all the performers.
+
+Although Joe was not to appear until later he insisted that he be
+permitted to perform his feats at once, that he was almost frozen. Lin
+was advised of this fact and said: "Oh, well, let him do his showin'. Ef
+he ketched cold he would hev the tisic, (phthysic)." Joe was subject to
+this affliction.
+
+Joe's part of the performance was hanging on a horizontal pole a little
+higher than his head, skinning the cat, then sitting upright on the bar,
+clasping his knees with his hands, revolve around the pole. Joe had
+performed this feat a thousand times. But he had never attempted it in a
+show costume constructed of wall paper.
+
+[Illustration: Joe's Wall Paper Duds]
+
+The wall-paper suit began to give along the pasted seams even while Joe
+was skinning the cat. Lin said afterwards: "He was so durned skeered and
+a wheezin' with the tisic he didn't know whether he was a-foot or
+a-horseback. I seed the rips openin' every time he stirred."
+
+Joe was evidently uncertain as to the strength of his show clothes.
+Despite a parting of seams he squirmed upon the horizontal bar, gripped
+his knees with his hands. Thus doubled up the strain on the wall paper
+was greater than ever. Joe ducked his head forward. The first
+revolution, the greater part of the wall paper suit was scattered over
+the saw-dust ring. Joe started on the second revolution but when he got
+under the bar he hung there swinging backwards and forwards. Lin said:
+"He jus' clung thar doubled up like a toy monkey on a stick, jus'
+swinging like the pendulum of a stoppin' clock."
+
+The red flowered belt and a sort of collar around the neck remained. Joe
+had on very white stockings; however, they only reached below the knee.
+As he had lost his hat at the beginning of his stunt he was almost
+devoid of clothes. The vast audience giggled and shouted "accordin' to
+their raisin'" as Lin expressed it afterwards.
+
+Joe, through shame or stage fright, made no effort to release himself.
+The situation became embarrassing to the few grown ones present. Mothers
+took occasion to look down at their children, smoothing their hair or
+straightening their clothing. The big girls looked another way but the
+greater part of the audience yelled with delight.
+
+Lin "jus' couldn't stan' it any longer." Dropping the children, she
+rushed to poor Joe's rescue. She was compelled to unclasp Joe's hands
+from the bar. In his fright and confusion he had a vise-like grasp on
+it. In the position in which he hung his face was hidden. Lin said that
+"his old wall-paper duds was all off him" and she reckoned "long as his
+face was kivered he'd hung thar 'til he fainted or fell."
+
+When Lin stood the poor fellow on his feet after relieving him from his
+perch, he was confused. Instead of going into the dressing room where
+all the boys were yelling with laughter, poor Joe ran out of the tent
+across the commons and crawled into Jeffries' coal house.
+
+The door-keeper, Win Scott, hurried his regular clothes to him, but Joe
+left for home and never thereafter did he essay to become an actor.
+Every child carried home as a souvenir a remnant of Joe's wall-paper
+show suit.
+
+Meanwhile, Alfred was changing the clown suit for Lacy Hare's military
+uniform in which he always appeared as Davy Crockett and Daniel Boone.
+
+Someone called to him: "Alf, here comes all yer grandpap's family."
+
+Alfred peered through a hole in Mrs. Evans' rag carpet and his blood
+froze in his veins. Heading the procession was grandpap, wide flowing,
+white collar, hat in hand. He appeared to Alfred an avenging nemesis.
+Following closely, came Uncle Ned, stern, and solemn Aunt Sarah. Cousin
+Charley and old Tommy Moorehouse brought up the rear of the advancing
+column.
+
+Alfred felt the tent swaying as if in a gale. The tent swayed again. Lin
+sat the children down quickly, "thinkin' it was some of the tarnel brats
+that had pestered the show tent ever since Alfred started it." At the
+door she came face to face with the angry grandfather.
+
+"You're more to blame than the boy" was all Alfred remained to hear.
+Half naked, half dazed--for Alfred feared his grandfather's wrath
+greatly--down the big hill the boy fairly flew, through the Jimson
+weeds, their prickly pods stinging his bare breast and arms until the
+blood flowed. Nor did he slacken his pace until the old coal road was
+reached. Then along the dusty road to Krepp's coal bank; into the dark
+tunnel penetrating the hill, nor did he stop until so far under ground
+that the opening to the coal mine, although large enough to admit a
+horse and cart, appeared to the sight as a ring of daylight no larger
+than an eye.
+
+Realizing that the white and red clown paint Lin had smeared on his face
+would be difficult to explain to the miners should he encounter them,
+Alfred endeavored to remove it by washing it with the yellow sulphur
+water standing in the cart tracks where it had dropped from the damp
+sides of the old mine. He only spread it with the yellow water; his face
+presented a sight similar to an Indian's in full war paint.
+
+His fears subsiding, he retraced his steps towards the entrance. The
+opening darkened and he could discern a figure standing out against the
+sky beyond.
+
+Hastening on he whistled shrilly. The answering whistle he recognized as
+that of his treasurer, Win Scott. When they met, Win gave Alfred the
+particulars of the wrecking of the tent by Uncle Ned and imparted the
+information that all Grandpap's family, with the linen sheets, had gone
+home excepting the grandmother, and he had a message requesting that
+Alfred come to her at once, with the assurance that he would not be
+punished.
+
+The grandmother had frequently interceded in Alfred's behalf and he was
+greatly pleased to receive her message. He felt so good over the turn of
+affairs that he could scarcely walk up the long hill so weak was he with
+laughter over Joe's wall-paper circus clothes, nor did his good humor
+forsake him until they approached the spot where the tent, the work of
+many weeks, lay on the ground teetotally wrecked.
+
+Win gave Alfred a graphic description of Uncle Ned's wrecking of the
+tent, the escape of the audience, of Lin's offering to pay for the
+sheets and her subsequent anger. Lin endeavored to appease Uncle Ned's
+wrath. "But the more she talked the wuss he raved."
+
+When Alfred entered the kitchen, Lin's face was still red from anger and
+weeping. Looking angrily at Alfred, she began:
+
+"Why did ye run? By golly, I'd stood my ground ef they'd all piled on
+me. Ef it hadn't been fur grandmother, I'd licked Ned myself."
+
+Alfred explained that if he'd been dressed he'd stayed, but being "mos'
+naked he jus' knowed Uncle Ned would pull the tent down caus' he always
+wants to tear things up by the roots. I didn't want to be ketched naked
+like Joe."
+
+At the thought of Joe's mishap his laughter broke out again. Lin's good
+nature began to assert itself. Suppressing her smiles she placed her
+fingers on her lips which implied silence. Jerking her head toward the
+sitting room door she informed the boy his grandmother was "thar waitin'
+fer ye," adding: "Ye needn't be skeered, she's got more religion and
+more sense than the whole caboodle of 'em put together. Go on in."
+
+Softly approaching the door leading to the room he heard voices, his
+father's among them. He was half inclined to flee again. Timidly rapping
+on the door he heard footsteps leaving the room. Lin took him by the arm
+and led the boy into the large room.
+
+It was growing dark. His grandmother sat alone. They halted in front of
+the gentle lady, Lin addressing Alfred in an encouraging manner, said:
+"'Al-f-u-r-d,' tell grandmother the truth. Don't stan' up and lie like
+Cousin Charley does, caus' he allus gits ketched up in it."
+
+The boy looking into the kindly face of the quiet old lady felt no fear;
+however, his shame was most intense. Drawing the abashed boy nearer to
+her, she put her arm about him, softly saying: "I greatly fear you have
+been led by those older than yourself to do things you would not have
+done had you had proper advisors. I fear you will get into serious
+trouble if you do not follow your father's and mother's advice. Now,
+Alfred, listen to every word grandmother says to you. You will not be
+punished for taking the sheets more than your conscience reproves you.
+You are a good boy and everyone loves you. It is only your father's love
+for you that influences him to be severe with you at times. Your playful
+spirit, your mischievousness leads you into many actions that pain us
+all greatly but I am sure you do not intend to be bad. You are not
+vicious, only mischievous. Now tell me, Alfred, who prompted you to take
+the linen out of the chest?"
+
+"No one. I was all to blame. Lin has sixty-eight cents and I have nearly
+three dollars Uncle Joe gave me and I'm going to give it all to Uncle
+Ned to pay for any tearing of the sheets and Lin will wash and starch
+them. They'll be as good as new."
+
+With this speech the boy broke down completely. Kneeling, he buried his
+face in the old lady's lap. She stroked his head gently, and in a tone
+more soft and quiet than heretofore, she asked the contrite boy if he
+was aware of the reverence in which the family held the linen contained
+in the old chest.
+
+The boy assured her that he supposed the old chest and its contents were
+cast off or unused articles the same as other goods stored away in the
+garret.
+
+When the grandmother informed the boy the family held the contents of
+the old chest as almost sacred, that the linen was the last winding
+sheets of those of his family who had gone to the great beyond, his
+shame brought a flood of tears that nothing the grandmother could say
+would stop.
+
+It was the custom that persons who died in those days were covered with
+whitest linen and this linen was ever afterwards preserved by the family
+as sacred.
+
+The grandmother in gentle tones reminded the boy of loved ones whom he
+held in sweetest remembrance, and when he fully realized that the linen
+in the old chest had been their last covering the tears of the boy and
+the aged woman mingled as he solemnly promised to so conduct himself in
+the future that his behavior would never wound her feelings more.
+Thereafter the boy always found a loyal defender in the grandmother when
+troubles came to him.
+
+"I'll jes be durned ef ol' gran'muther ain't got more sense in a minute
+than her son Ned will have ef he lives twict es old es Jehu Adams," said
+Lin, referring to the oldest man in the neighborhood. "Why, jes' see
+what she hes dun fer that boy. He's a perfec' little angel since she
+hauled him over the coals. Bet he'd never teched them sheets ef he'd
+knowed they wus fer layin' out dead peepul in. He'd got others somehow,
+an' I'd been sort a lazy like 'bout sewin' 'em on the tent ef I'd knowed
+what they'd bin used fur. It's no wonder Baggy Allison and Hughey Boggs
+got skeered. Durned ef they warn't purty near ghosts, enny how."
+
+"Ef it had been left to gran'muther she'd let the show go on es long es
+we had the sheets hung up. They warn't hurtin' nobody. No, by golly,
+it's jes' like Ned; he's jes' like his daddy an' the other Baptusses.
+They don't hev any fun and they hate to hear a body laugh. Huh, ef it
+had been a prayer meetin' or somethin' mournful for the Baptusses'
+meetin' house to git money fur, Ned ud never tore down the tent. Durn
+him! His heart ain't bigger'n a rat pellet and it's twict es hard. He
+don't know nuthin' but to eat an' pray. Let him kum yere fer another
+meal of vittles and I'll not cook it fur him; I'll jes' tell Mary and
+John so. Why, grandmother's talkin' to him done Alfurd more good than
+all the whippin's he ever got in his born life."
+
+"It jes' worries Ned to deth to see a boy, a boy. He gets a heap of
+pleasure out of not havin' any fun in life."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER EIGHT
+
+    Though the road be long and dreary,
+      And the end be out of sight,
+    Foot it bravely, strong or weary,
+      Trust in God and do the right.
+
+
+The realities of life are continually changing. Persons can retain a
+hobby or an illusion for a time or for all time. An illusion may live in
+our minds, even become a part of our lives. Life is but thought.
+Pleasant illusions are, as a rule, weapons against meanness and
+littleness. Illusions, when based upon the sensible and material things
+of this life, are uplifting.
+
+It is said genius and common sense never dwell in the same mortal. The
+lives of all of those of genius of whom the world has been informed have
+been governed to a very great extent by illusions not fanatical fads,
+not an illusion that impels one to endeavor to solve improbable
+problems.
+
+The centralization of ideas on some particular project or profession
+that appeared impracticable at first, often leads to an inspiration, the
+enthusiasm created by the illusions leading to success. Illusions have
+side-tracked many life-failures.
+
+You may endeavor to persuade yourself that you have no illusions. Search
+your mind. Is there not a recollection of something you have worked and
+hoped for? You may not have attained that which you aimed at, yet the
+illusion enriched your imagination. Is there not something that you
+dreamed of in youth, forgotten for years, that has come to you later on?
+
+Hug your illusions if they are pleasant. Treasure them, they make you
+cheerful, they sun your soul.
+
+The father and mother of Alfred had different ideas of the boy's future.
+The father was wedded to his calling and fondly hoped the boy would
+follow in his footsteps in mechanical pursuits. It was the mother's hope
+that the son would become a medical practitioner. The grandfather prayed
+that the boy would embrace the ministry as had two of his sons.
+
+Consequently, when Alfred seriously announced that he had determined to
+become a clown in the circus, the family were greatly shocked, but the
+boy's declaration was regarded as a harmless illusion. This idea had
+taken complete control of his boyish imagination. Urged on by illusory
+hopes he was constantly practicing tricks and antics that led him into
+many heartbreaking escapades that made the cellar sessions more
+frequent. But nothing could suppress his good nature and innate love of
+fun.
+
+There was but one human being in the world thoroughly in sympathy with
+the boy's ambitions. She it was who bought the rouge and red that
+painted his face in his first attempts to become a clown. She it was who
+cut up one of her best red skirts to complete the costume of which Mrs.
+Young furnished the foundation in the garments Alfred was sent home in
+the day of the rescue from the raft. And it is a fact that to this day
+the costumes of clowns and near-clowns have been patterned after those
+self-same garments and they are as strikingly funny to spectators today
+as they were in the days Alfred first wore them, a tribute to Lin's
+ingenuity.
+
+Lin often remarked: "Alfurd will come to town some day a real clown in a
+circus and the whole country will turn out to see him, and Litt Dawson
+(the Congressman) won't be so much when Alfurd gits a-goin'. Why, he kin
+sing eny song and do ent cut-up antik eny of 'em kin. He's the cutest
+boy I ever seed. They'll never whup his devilishness out of him."
+
+Lin was always an appreciative audience for Alfred. When he learned to
+do head-sets, hand-springs and the like she urged him on to greater
+acrobatic achievements. When he attempted to walk on his hands she
+followed his zig-zag course, steadying him when he threatened to topple
+over.
+
+When Bent Wilgus, a Bridgeport boy, came up to Jeffries' Commons and
+entered the ring that was once enclosed by Alfred's tent, and performed
+a dozen feats that Alfred had never even witnessed, thereby winning the
+applause of the crowd of boys, both Lin and Alfred remained silent. When
+he did a round off a flip-flap and a high back somersault, a row of
+head-sets across the ring, finishing by doing heels in the mud, Alfred
+turned green with envy. He felt his reputation slipping away from him
+and realized he was deposed as the boys' and girls' idol, as an actor.
+
+Lin felt like driving the usurper off the commons. Later, she consoled
+Alfred with the statement that Bent Wilgus had gum in his shoes that
+made him bounce so. "His daddy keeps a shoe store an' thet's where he
+gits bouncin' shoes from. I'll git ye a pair ef I hev to send to
+Filadelphy fur 'em."
+
+The Quaker City was the metropolis of the world to the good people of
+the town in those days. New York City was never considered in the same
+breath with old Philly.
+
+Brownsville had but one representative in the show profession so far as
+any one knew. He had left the town many years before and it was reported
+had become a great actor. Alfred had never heard the word actor save in
+connection with a circus performer. He had never witnessed or even heard
+of a dramatic actor. He had gotten his idea for his impersonation from a
+rider, who, standing on a broad pad on a horse's back in the circus
+ring, impersonated noted characters such as Richard III, Daniel Boone,
+Davy Crockett and a shepherd boy.
+
+The reputation of Tony Bailles, the only actor Brownsville ever
+produced, was folklore in his native place. Tony had never appeared in
+his home town. And that which greatly enhanced the reputation of the
+great actor in the minds of the people in his home was the oft repeated
+stories of his prowess as a fighter.
+
+In those days every man and boy was judged by his personal courage.
+Courage was the supreme test by which all males were gauged. The man or
+boy who did not have the bravery to uphold his dignity with his fists
+was not worthy.
+
+In the tales told of Tony Bailles' great prowess with his fists and
+feet, it was asserted that he more often used his feet than his fists
+and that his adversary rarely got near him. As they advanced upon him
+Tony kicked them under the chin just once. One kick and all the fight
+was out of them.
+
+Tony was one of Alfred's illusions. He desired to imitate him, travel
+all over the land and become a great actor, a greater actor than even
+his heroic model, as Alfred had never heard Tony's great feats
+described. The kick under the chin was Tony's only feat impressed
+strongly enough on Alfred's mind to have him imitate.
+
+Tommy White, Lash Hyatt and Jim Campbell were either housed up or
+walking about with stiff necks and swollen jaws ere it was discovered
+that Alfred was imitating Tony Bailles. Lash Hyatt's folks, feeling sure
+the boy had the mumps, sent for the doctor. It was then revealed that
+Alfred did not fight fair but "kicked you under the chin before you
+could raise a hand," as the boys described it.
+
+Alfred tried the Tony Bailles' high kick on big, husky George
+Herbertson. The kick started as it had with the other boys but instead
+of reaching the chin at which it was aimed, a big, husky blacksmith's
+helper checked it. Alfred sat down so suddenly he imagined the earth had
+"flew" up and hit him. While the blacksmith helper held his leg aloft
+Alfred, as he lay on his back, saw a big fist coming straight for his
+face. He has no distinct recollection of when it reached its landing
+place.
+
+Uncle Ned Snowden assisted Alfred home, where he remained in doors
+several days with two parti-hued eyes.
+
+While housed up, Alfred promised Lin he would always thereafter fight
+fair. Consequently, he thereafter carried two big limestones, one in
+each coat pocket for George Herbertson. Somehow the blacksmith boy was
+always too quick for Alfred and the next time they met, which was on the
+Bridgeport wharf, the blacksmith boy trimmed Alfred again. And thus it
+was that the old iron bridge, the first of its kind constructed in the
+United States and built by John Herbertson, the father of George, became
+the dead line between the boys of the two towns.
+
+If a boy from one town was found in the other he was compelled to fight
+or flee.
+
+[Illustration: The First Iron Bridge Built in the U. S.]
+
+The word "actor" to the good people of those days always referred to a
+circus performer as mentioned previously. It is related of Joseph
+Jefferson, the dean of the dramatic profession, that while visiting his
+plantation near New Iberia, Louisiana, he walked over the grounds
+accompanied by an old, colored field hand. He talked in his usual manner
+with the old negro telling him of the many cities in which his contracts
+compelled him to act ere he would again visit his beautiful southern
+home.
+
+The old negro said he was sorry "kase all de folks, white uns an' black
+uns, was jes mos' crazy for to see massa Joe ak." As they walked and
+talked the old negro informed Mr. Jefferson that Dan Rice's circus was
+"dere a while back, jes on the aidge ob kane cuttin' time, an' dey had
+some mighty fine actuhs but nuthin' like de actin' ob Massah Joe."
+
+The old fellow, growing more confidential at the pleased manner in which
+Mr. Jefferson received his compliments, added that he would gladly walk
+to New Orleans to see him act. When the great actor advised the old
+fellow that he would not appear in New Orleans that year, the old fellow
+said: "Now des look at dat. I'll nevah git to see you ak, Massa Joe."
+
+The actor assured him that at some time in the future he would have that
+pleasure. The old negro said: "No, no, I'm an ole man. I ain't got much
+futhah to go, an' I des doan wan' to die fo' I see you ak."
+
+Mr. Jefferson assured the earnest old negro that he would be glad to
+arrange some plan whereby not only he but all of his friends in the
+parish might witness him act.
+
+The old negro began in an entreating tone: "Massa Joe, I knows you'd
+like to ak fer all ob us but Lor' only knows when it'll be. I'se mos'
+f'raid to ax ye but de grass out yar is so sof' an 'nice I jes' thought
+maybe ye'd ak out a little fer me. Jes' twist about an' turn a couple of
+summah-saults fer dis pooh ol' nigger."
+
+This was the only idea Alfred had of acting. He longed to see Tony
+Bailles act, that he might catch an idea. He felt it would be so much
+easier for him to learn to act by seeing Bailles than it would be to see
+others, that Bailles was more like himself, not a superior being, as
+other actors were regarded.
+
+Cousin Charley was even more elated than Alfred when they read and
+re-read the joyous announcement, to them, that Van Amburg's Great Golden
+Menagerie and Zoological Institute was headed for Brownsville.
+
+The startling news was spread that Tony Bailles was with the show.
+Alfred scanned the bills, no names appearing on them or descriptions of
+the great feats their owners performed, and his youthful mind could not
+comprehend this omission in advertising. Animals of all species were
+pictured but the graceful bare-back rider, high in the air above the
+horse's back, throwing a back somersault through a paper balloon, was
+not there. The lady rider on the back of a fast flying steed, one foot
+pointing to six o'clock, the other to high noon, was searched for in
+vain.
+
+Alfred finally arrived at this explanation of the oversight in not
+advertising the circus actors--that the menagerie was so immense the
+circus was a secondary consideration. He argued that they never
+advertised the side-show but it was always there.
+
+Circus day dawned, the crowds came, the old town was a scene of bustle
+and activity. The town people were all agog, all the older ones seemed
+to be seeking Tony Bailles. Alfred and Charley followed his brother Joe
+up through Bridgeport to the new show grounds. The advertisements gave
+it that the old bottom, the usual show grounds, was too small for the
+big show.
+
+When the grounds were reached a large man with a very red nose announced
+from the top of a wagon the program of the day:
+
+First, Mlle. Carlotta De Berg would ascend a slender wire from the
+ground to the apex of the grand pavilion. After this thrilling free
+exhibition the Grand Annex containing one thousand animate and inanimate
+wonders would throw open its doors. As this was a new name for the
+side-show, Cousin Charley and Alfred began to get their money ready.
+(Alfred carried his own money this show day).
+
+But when the front of the tent was reached and the same old gaudily
+painted pictures swayed in the breeze, both boys involuntarily halted as
+they realized the Grand Annex was that deadfall known as the side show.
+Cousin Charley swore he "seen the same feller standing in the door of
+the tent that swindled him and so many others at the last show." Cousin
+Charley said: "He dodged back when he seen me."
+
+In the verdancy of his suckerdom, Charley imagined the fakir who had
+done him had preserved as keen a recollection of the transaction as
+himself. He learned afterwards that there is a sucker born every minute
+and the crop of fakirs is nearly as great.
+
+A tall, black-haired man, with rather a heavy face, black velvet vest,
+stood at the door. A long gold watch chain was around his neck and
+running across the velvet vest it made the chain appear the most
+conspicuous thing about the man. Of course he wore other articles of
+clothing but the above description stands out in Alfred's mind to the
+exclusion of his other apparel unless it be the flat-top hat and the
+white bow tie. The hat and tie gave the wearer a sort of clerical
+appearance. He had the appearance of a respectable gambler, such as were
+on river steamers in those days.
+
+And this was Tony Bailles, the actor-athlete of Alfred's dreams and
+talks. Alfred was simply bewildered. His hero stood aloft pacing to and
+fro on an elevated platform, describing the wonders of the great moral
+exhibition especially for ladies and children.
+
+Alfred argued to Charley that this was Tony's home and his oratory would
+appeal more strongly to the people than a stranger's and he was only of
+the side show for the day. He disliked to have the hero of his dreams
+discredited so prematurely and he still hoped to see his idol in
+spangled tights in the big show performing all kinds of wonderful feats.
+
+But the big show was an animal show, pure and simple, not an actor, not
+a clown, not a rider, not a horse, not even a ring. Two ponies and a
+little cart introduced in the show could not dispel the gloom that had
+settled over the disappointed gathering in the big tent.
+
+The only excitement of the day was when Bill Gaskill, Mart Claybaugh, Ab
+Linn, and two or three Washington County men engaged in a fight. When
+Tony Bailles rushed in to quell the disturbance and did not kick one or
+more of the combatants under the chin, the boy's admiration gradually
+turned to disgust and he was ready to leave the tent although all were
+admonished that the most astounding and greatest treat in natural
+history was about to be brought to their notice. The mammoth of
+mammoths, the behemoth of Holy Writ was about to be exhibited, the only
+one in captivity, something to tell your children and your children's
+children of. The hippopotamus was brought from his cage and waddled into
+the roped enclosure in the center of the tent. Bob Ellingham, the
+lecturer, talked long and learnedly on the habits and capture of the
+animal. The name hippopotamus was mentioned at least twenty times in the
+lecture as a dramatic climax. Ellingham rubbed a piece of white paper
+over the animal's back. Standing on a stool above the heads of the
+multitude he held the once spotless sheet of paper in his left hand,
+pointing his right forefinger at the paper, now discolored with the
+matter that oozed from the animal's body, he dramatically exclaimed: "He
+is truly the behemoth of Holy Writ. See, he sweateth blood!"
+
+As he stood motionless, still holding the paper aloft, Old man Hare,
+Lacy's father, who had stood a most interested listener during the
+lecture, looked up into the lecturer's face and, in a querulous tone
+asked: "What fer animal did ye say it was?"
+
+"A guinea pig, you dam old fool," flashed back Ellingham, as he stepped
+off the stool, while the crowd yelled, "Bully for Hare."
+
+The old fellow felt greatly grieved although the shouts of approval from
+the crowd partially appeased him. How he talked back to the show man
+made him quite a hero among the country folks for a long time
+afterwards.
+
+It is safe to assert that a more disappointed audience never left an
+exhibition than filed out of the big tent. Even the ministers, and they
+were all admitted free, were not satisfied. Bob Playford did not gather
+up the boys on the lot and pay their way in.
+
+As the audience filed out the man with the big red nose stood on top of
+the wagon and invited everybody into the tent where Christy's Original
+Minstrels were about to offer the good people of Brownsville the same
+choice and amusing performance they had won fame with in the principal
+theatres in New York City. Songs, glees, choruses, banjo solos, pathetic
+ballads, side-splitting farces, the whole concluding with a grand walk
+around by the entire company.
+
+Bob Playford and Dan French made all manner of fun of the big man with
+the red nose. Playford laughingly shouted: "Pay no attention to him, he
+don't belong to the show, he lives out in the country. He's a neighbor
+of old man Hare's."
+
+Cousin Charley and Alfred were won by the man's eloquence or the
+twanging of the stringed musical instruments that could be heard in the
+tent. They were soon inside. A platform on a wagon served as a stage,
+and a curtain with a cabin and woods as a background hung at the rear of
+the stage. The entire company of seven persons attired in shirts and
+trousers made of bed-ticking material, were seated in a semi-circle on
+the improvised stage.
+
+This was Alfred's first sight of a minstrel first part. "Gentlemen, be
+seated." The opening chorus was not half over before Alfred was laughing
+as heartily as ever boy laughed. The antics of the fellow with the
+tambourine who hit the singer sitting next to him on the head with it in
+time with the pattering of the sheepskin on his knees, hands and head,
+the assumed anger of the singer as he again hit him a resounding thwack,
+the finish, where the man with the bones and tambo worked all over the
+small stage and seemed in danger of upsetting it with their antics, had
+the crowd wild with their enthusiasm.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+The songs, the jokes, the final farce, "Handy Andy," pleased Alfred so
+greatly that he remained for the next performance as did Lin and her
+beau, Cousin Charley and several of Alfred's friends. He bought a song
+book containing only the words. He caught several of the airs and sang
+them all the way home.
+
+It was difficult to convince Alfred that the performers were white men
+blacked up. At supper Van Amberg's Great Moral Menagerie received a
+lambasting that boded no good for its future in Brownsville. Lin said:
+
+"It was jes a show for Baptusts and sich and they was all thar. Huh,
+they let the preachers in free gratis, an' they ought to let everybody
+in fer nuthin' caus it warn't wuth nuthin'. Durned ef I walk to the
+grounds to see seven shows like it. The niggers in the side show beat
+the big show all holler."
+
+Alfred declared that outside of the animals _his_ show was better than
+Van Amberg's. Lin added: "Yes, ef Joe Sanford's wall-paper suit wus out
+of it."
+
+The supper was not over ere Lin and Alfred were in the parlor with the
+melodeon endeavoring to sing the songs of the minstrels. They had the
+book and hot were the arguments as to whether they had the tune right or
+not.
+
+Lin, Cousin Charley, Alfred, Billy Woods, and Bill Hyatt decided to go
+back to the minstrels at night. Alfred sang the songs under his breath.
+He drank in every word of the jokes and the farce he committed to
+memory.
+
+When they reached home the melodeon was started up again, and its
+strains swelled out on the night air until the father closed the
+rehearsal abruptly by ordering all to bed.
+
+The seed had been sown; even the chaff had taken root. The clown
+illusion still clung to Alfred but the minstrel idea seemed nearer
+realization. Did ever a party of amateurs decide to assault the public
+that they did not use a minstrel performance as their weapon?
+
+Despite the protests of the parents, the old melodeon, notwithstanding
+its age and other infirmities, was worked overtime. Alfred sang and
+resang the songs they had learned or deceived themselves into believing
+they had learned at the minstrels.
+
+Billy Woods had a good ear for tunes. As Lin put it, Billy caught more
+of the tunes than any of the others. Billy became a nightly visitor.
+Billy's flute and the melodeon did not harmonize as the melodeon had
+only three notes left in it. Lin just waited when a note was missing
+until the next measure and then "ketched up" as she expressed it.
+
+Amity Getty was another addition to the little band. He was really a
+good performer on the guitar. Alfred's especial favorite in the
+minstrels was the fellow who handled the tambourine. The mother said
+there was not a pie pan in the house they could bake in, Alfred had them
+so battered and dented thumping them on his knees, head and elbows.
+
+"I declare, I believe the boy is going crazy; I don't know what we will
+do with him," often said the mother.
+
+Cousin Charley was of an inventive turn of mind. He had become greatly
+interested in the nightly singing and fashioned a tambourine out of an
+old cheese box by cutting it down. Dennis Isler put tin jingles in it
+and put on a sheepskin head.
+
+The instrument in Alfred's hands became a terror to the household. He
+was banished to the commons where, surrounded by the children of the
+neighborhood, he did his practicing to the delight and danger of his
+audience as he persisted in finishing his antics by thumping one of the
+audience on the head with his instrument of torture, which generally
+sent the recipient of his thwack home, holding his head and crying. This
+usually brought a complaint from the victim's parents and Alfred's
+visits to the cellar accompanied by his father became so frequent that a
+boy with less ardor would surely have lost interest in his instrument.
+
+Alfred repeatedly advised Lin that they never could be minstrels if they
+did not have bones. He selected Billy Storey to perform on these
+necessary adjuncts to the minstrels. When Lin brought home from John
+Allison's meat shop a rib roast, the mother, astonished at the size of
+it, said: "My goodness, Lin, that roast is big enough for any tavern in
+town."
+
+The fact was Lin had not closely studied the bone player's instruments.
+She was of the opinion it required eight bones instead of four, hence
+the magnitude of the roast.
+
+The little band made the big front room the mecca for pilgrims nightly.
+The mother was nearly frantic; after every concert of the embryotic
+minstrels she solemnly admonished Lin and Alfred that that would be the
+last.
+
+Lin in turn would accuse Alfred of being the cause of all the din and
+racket. "Ef it hadn't been fer Cousin Charley makin' Alfurd thet
+infernal head drum (Lin could never say tambourine), Mary would never
+sed a word as she jus loves music es well es eny body else."
+
+Lin asserted that "the durn jingling contraption, jes spiled the hull
+thing and ye don't make good music with it nohow." Lin's deductions
+could not be controverted. Alfred did not make good music with his
+tambourine but it is a fact that he succeeded in drowning a great deal
+of bad.
+
+It was a night never to be forgotten; one of those nights that will
+linger long in fondest remembrance by any who have enjoyed them. It was
+the night of one of those old time parties, one of those healthful,
+pleasure giving affairs, an old fashioned family party. Relatives, near
+and distant, uncles, aunts, nephews and nieces, cousins and friends,
+came by invitation to the old home.
+
+Games and recitations, blind-man's buff, button, button, who's got the
+button, Uncle Joe, blindfolded, pursuing the prettiest girl at the
+frolic, brought roars of laughter from everyone but Aunt Betsy. Lin,
+sitting on a crock endeavoring to pass a linen thread through the eye of
+a cambric needle; Uncle Jack, blindfolded trying to pin the tail on the
+proper place on the paper donkey stuck against the wall. When he stuck
+the pin in the keyhole of the parlor door the laughter shook the sash in
+the windows.
+
+The young folks formed in a circle holding hands, slowly revolving
+around a bashful young man standing in the center of the circle. As they
+circled they sang that old ditty so dear to the youth of those days:
+
+    "King William was King George's son,
+    And from a royal race he sprung;
+    And on his breast he wore a star,
+    That marked his bravery in the war.
+    Go choose your East, go choose your West,
+    Go choose the one that you love best."
+
+Here the young man tagged the girl of his choice. Of course, the girl
+broke from the circle and ran but was easily captured. She was led to
+the center of the circle which again revolved and the song continued:
+
+    "Down on this carpet you must kneel,
+      Just as the grass grows in the field;
+    Salute your bride and kiss her sweet,
+      And you may rise unto your feet."
+
+When the bashful young man received a thumping thwack from the girl of
+his choice in return for the kiss he planted on her rosy cheek, the
+laughter was renewed tenfold.
+
+All this may look cold in print to the young folks of today but it made
+the hot blood of the boys and girls of those good old days flow faster
+than the patter of their feet to the tune of the songs they sang.
+
+Sis Minks sang "Barbara Allen" with such telling effect that the
+assembled multitude became "as subdued as a Quaker meetin'" as Lin
+described it.
+
+Sis was an old maid and lived in the country; her dog had followed her
+to the party. The standing of every family in those parts was rated by
+the number of dogs they possessed. Sis's people had stood high for many
+years but their canine possessions had decreased. When questioned by a
+neighbor as to the number of dogs in his possession, the father of Sis
+ruefully replied: "Wall, I hev a house dog, a coon dog, a fox dog an' a
+'feist'--it just seems like I can't git a start in dogs again." It was
+the house dog that had followed Sis.
+
+Sis always sang "Barbara Allen" with her eyes shut. Lin said: "Becaus'
+she'd furgit it ef she looked."
+
+Sis was in the midst of Barbara's woes when someone opened the door
+slightly. Her dog slipped in. Seeing his mistress before him and hearing
+her voice, the dog instinctively crept towards her. As her voice grew
+more tremulous describing Barbara's sad fate, the dog, encouraged by the
+kindly tones, crept nearer. Rising on his hind legs he drew his long,
+red tongue across her face and mouth. Sis opened her eyes and sat down
+in confusion and no entreaties could induce her to continue. Lin said:
+"I'll bet a fippennybit she thought she'd bin kissed by some feller."
+
+Alfred did not greatly enjoy the party. He whispered to Lin: "Let's
+practice."
+
+[Illustration: Sis Opened Her Eyes and Sat Down]
+
+Lin ran her fingers over the keys of the melodeon. The others wanted to
+be coaxed as amateurs always do. There is no backwardness that requires
+as much persuasion to appear before an audience as that of an amateur,
+but when once persuaded there is no cheerfulness that exceeds that of an
+amateur in responding to an encore.
+
+It was not long before the little band began their concert. As they had
+been rehearsing for several weeks, the opening chorus, with musical
+accompaniment, was rendered with such vim that the assembled guests were
+carried off their feet. Alfred's antics with the tambourine, Storey's
+manipulation of the bones, the singing, the instrumentation, were a
+revelation to the good people.
+
+Alfred's reputation as an actor was known to all the guests. Urgent
+requests were made that he should don his costumes and perform his
+feats. Alfred and Lin hastened to his room, returning soon, Alfred in
+his clown make-up, Mrs. Young's lowers and Lin's body dress. Prolonged
+laughter and applause greeted his appearance.
+
+First he essayed to sing a clown song entitled "The Song of All Songs"
+which runs thusly:
+
+    "The subject of my song you have seen I dare say,
+    As you've walked along the streets on a fine summer's day;
+    On fences and railings wherever you go,
+    You will see the penny ballads pasted up in a row.
+    I noted them down as I read them along,
+    And I've put them together to make up my song.
+    There was Abraham's daughter going out on a spree
+    With old Uncle Snow in the cottage by the sea.
+    Do they think of me at and I'll be easy still,
+    Give us back our old commander with the sword of Bunker Hill."
+
+There was a great deal more of this jingle of words, ringing in the
+titles of all the songs of the day. Notwithstanding, Alfred had sung it
+without pause or hesitation night after night with only his associates
+as an audience, yet at "the sword of Bunker Hill" his voice faltered and
+a stage fright that could not be conquered overtook him. The words of
+the song had left his mouth, the tongue was paralyzed.
+
+As many an older actor has done before and since, Alfred endeavored to
+conceal his confusion by stalling. It was really Alfred's first
+appearance before a heterogenous audience.
+
+Alfred learned even at that early age that there is a difference in
+audiences. Notwithstanding his failure, with the density of perception
+that usually pervades an amateur's mind, Alfred changed his costume to
+Lacy Hare's military togs. He mistook the shouts of laughter aroused by
+this suit as approval of his acting. Lin relieved the situation by
+leading Alfred out of the room ere he had presented half of his famous
+impersonations.
+
+Lin said afterwards: "I don't know what got inter thet boy. Why I allus
+said he had brass enuf in his face to act afore a protracted meetin' but
+be durned ef he warn't es bad es Joe Sanford when he stuck on the pole.
+I never been more cut up in my life, fur I would a swore he was too
+spunkey to git skeered."
+
+The remainder of the program was more than successful. Everyone
+acquitted themselves creditably excepting Alfred. Lin sang the pathetic
+ballad:
+
+    "Out in the cold world, out in the street,
+    Asking a penny of each one I meet;
+    Shoeless I wander about through the day,
+    Wearing my young life in sorrow away.
+    No one to help me, no one to love,
+    No one to pity me, none to caress,
+    Fatherless, motherless, sadly I roam;
+    A child of misfortune, I'm driven from home."
+
+Lin had a deep, sweet voice, almost a baritone. She was full of
+sentiment and magnetism. Deeply in earnest she sang the song with
+telling effect. A tear, a heartfelt tear, came from the eyes of more
+than one of the sympathetic group.
+
+Uncle Joe and Uncle Jack and one or two of the elder men had been led to
+the cellar several times during the evening, for a more pleasant purpose
+than Alfred generally went there for. The hard cider was kept in the
+cellar, the sweet cider upstairs. Uncle Joe was as mellow as a pippin.
+At the end of Lin's first chorus he threw her a handful of change. The
+other men threw coppers or small silver pieces. Lin, like a true artist,
+stood unmoved and continued her song. Alfred picked up the money and
+handed it to her. She disdained to receive it. How the fires of jealousy
+burned within Alfred's breast as he noted the triumph of Lin. How the
+men could become so affected as to throw her money he could not
+comprehend.
+
+Before the next song, Lin lectured Alfred before the entire company,
+saying: "The fellur with the head drum (tambourine) in the circus
+minstrels never beat it in the sad tunes, only in the comic ones. Es
+long as ye've bin showin', a body'd think ye knowed thet much."
+
+This calling down further humiliated Alfred.
+
+Bill Storey followed in a tuneful baritone, singing:
+
+    "Oh, the old home ain't what it used to be, de banjo and de fiddel
+        am gone,
+    An' no more you'll hear the darkies singing among de sugar cane
+        an' corn.
+    Great changes hab come to de poor colored man, but dis change
+        makes him sad an' forlorn,
+    For no more we hear de darkies singing among de sugar cane an'
+        corn."
+
+Then all sang the chorus:
+
+    "No, the old home ain't what it used to be, (etc.)"
+
+This number met with great approval. Professional jealousy surged
+through Alfred's breast. He hated everyone who had been successful.
+Thoughts of all kinds of revenge ran through his mind. He would tell
+mother that the ten pound rib roast was bought only to get eight bones
+for Bill Storey and four bones was all he could rattle on at one time.
+Alfred felt that the whole company had conspired against him, that they
+were the cause of his not being appreciated.
+
+Supper was announced. Yes, supper, and they all sat down to a table;
+none of your society lunches, juggled on your knees, as served at the
+fashionable functions of today. When Uncle Wilse called down blessings
+upon all, even those sitting around the fire in the other room, who
+could not find places at the first table, bowed their heads reverently.
+
+Cold roast chicken, pickles, sweet preserves, doughnuts, jellies, fine
+and red, cold claw, beets, hot mince pie, pound cake, layer cake,
+apples, tea, coffee and cider.
+
+It took mother and Lin all day to prepare the repast. Fun and jokes were
+passed at and upon one another and everybody was happy, everybody but
+Alfred. With jealousy gnawing his vitals he sat between two big,
+grown-up men, unnoticed save when he requested some edible passed to
+him. He almost made up his mind to forsake the amusement profession and
+take his mother's advice to study to become a doctor.
+
+Supper over, good nights were said. Guest after guest departed. One
+garrulous gentleman remained; he was noted for his staying qualities. He
+would visit a family in the country near his home and keep them up until
+after midnight, which was a terrible breach of etiquette in those days
+when country folks went to bed with the chickens and town people who
+stayed up after eleven were looked upon with suspicion.
+
+The mother had caught herself nodding several times, the father was
+yawning, Lin could scarcely keep her eyes open, and Alfred had taken two
+or three naps. The prolonged visit had become almost unbearable to all
+except the lone guest who kept up a commonplace conversation, just
+sufficiently animated to keep him awake. In the middle of one of his
+dryest sentences Lin jumped up and said:
+
+"Come on folks, let's go to bed, I expect Uncle Wilse wants to go
+home."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER NINE
+
+    Never mind the pain
+      For gladness will outlive it.
+    When your neighbor needs a smile
+      Don't hesitate to give it.
+
+
+Then came sorrow into the life of Alfred. The father was ill for many
+months; war came with its blighting influences, bringing ruin to many,
+prosperity to a few.
+
+The father's family were Virginians, the mother's Marylanders. True to
+their traditions they believed in the people of the South, not favoring
+secession, however. In the white heat of continued controversy relatives
+became enemies.
+
+To add to their troubles Brownsville was visited by the most disastrous
+fire in its history. Alfred's folks lost everything, even to their
+wearing apparel. Alfred was the most fortunate member of the family. He
+entered and re-entered the burning home after he had been warned not to
+do so. At every return from the blazing house he carried some of his
+boyish belongings.
+
+Lin, in recounting the thrilling scenes of the night of the fire, said:
+"Ef the men hed hed any sense all the things could hev been got out. Jim
+Lucas and Tom Brawley jes piled the bedsteads, bureaus, looking glasses
+and arm-cheers out of the third story winders an' durn ef I didn't see
+Tom Brawley kum out of the house with a arm load of pillurs wrapped up
+in a blanket. Hit takes a fire or a dog fight to show whuther peepul hev
+got eny judgment or not."
+
+On his last trip out of the house Alfred carried his dog "Bobbie," two
+pet frizzly chickens, the uniform Lacy Hare and Aunt Betsy fashioned,
+Mrs. Young's part of his clown suit and the head-drum or tambourine.
+
+Lin fairly snorted when she saw the boy approaching; "Now look at the
+dratted, fickle boy, leavin' his Sunday-go-to-meetin' clothes to perish
+fur them ole show duds. Hit beats the bugs jes to think thet boy 'ud run
+into thet house blazin' like a lime kiln from top to bottom. A body'd
+thot he'd tried to save somethin' thet would a done us good. But no; all
+he thinks about is them ole show things. It's a wonder he didn't try to
+get the melodeon out eny way."
+
+The condition of the family was changed in one night from prosperity to
+near-poverty. The mother resolutely refused all proffered aid from
+relatives with whom relations had been strained. To Uncle Joe's and
+Betsy's offer she returned the message: "If we were Southern
+sympathizers before the fire, we are not beggars now."
+
+Lin was as defiant as the mother: "Huh, yes. Ef we'd let 'em help
+us now, the fust election kum up they'd throw it up to us. Uncle
+Billy is a candidate fer county jedge, I reckon he wants a few
+votes. The Lord will purvide a way." She added: "Jus tell Joe an'
+Betsy an' all the rest of 'em thet we'll hoe our own row yit a
+while. No siree-horse-fly-over-the-river-to-Green-County, we don't
+want no abolishunist to help us."
+
+Alfred could not fully comprehend the feelings that influenced the
+members of the family in the stand they took, but anything his mother
+said or did always met with his loyal support.
+
+The proud, strong-minded mother guided the destinies of the family
+through the troublesome times that followed. The strictest economy was
+practiced in all things. Brownsville has ever been noted for the
+hospitality of its people and the plenteous supplies found on the tables
+of all. Therefore, when the usual good things were missing from the
+table and the mother explained that it would not be for long but for the
+time being it was imperative to live sparingly, Alfred put all in a good
+humor by calling on Muz, (the children's favorite name for the mother),
+"Muz, cook it all up at once and let's have one good, big meal like we
+used to have, then starve right."
+
+Uncle Jake and Aunt Betty and all their family were steadfast friends
+during all the days of distress, as were Uncle William and grandfather
+and his family. Even Cousin Charley exerted himself to be of assistance.
+
+Lin afterwards declared that the Biblical prophecy, "Meny shall be
+called an' only a few kum," had found verification in Charley's changed
+conduct. Since Lin "jined" church, she often attempted to quote
+scripture.
+
+Among other offerings that Cousin Charley bestowed upon Alfred were two
+hounds with a colony of lively fleas. This gift was greatly appreciated
+by Alfred as the dogs were good coon hunters. It was not long ere the
+news came to Alfred's folks that Cousin Charley had stolen the hounds
+from Turner Simpson, a colored man who lived near the town, and noted
+for his superior hounds and numerous children. When the mother firmly
+commanded that the dogs be returned to their owner Alfred was greatly
+disappointed. Lin informed the boys that the dogs had to eat and that
+the mother had enough mouths to feed "without runnin' a dog's boardin'
+house. Why ye durned little fool ye, don't ye know Charley's jus put
+them dogs yar to git 'em kept. They'll jus keep 'em yar till they want
+to hunt coon an' then they'll take 'em. Ef it wur a hoss or hippotumas
+es was in thet sorry animile show, an' Charley 'ud gin it to ye, I'd
+feel ye could call it yer own. But a houn' dog, never. He'd never part
+with a houn'. Some fine mornin' the houn's'll turn up missin' an' ye'll
+find Dr. Playford hes bought 'em fur about five dollars."
+
+Lin's reference to Dr. Playford gave Alfred an inspiration. He was on
+his way to Dr. Bob Playford's with the hounds chained together and
+nearly pulling him off his feet, so eager were they for exercise. The
+sporting doctor's eyes glistened as he looked the dogs over and noted
+their good points. Alfred explained that they were a present from
+Cousin Charley, that he prized them greatly but his mother would not
+permit him to retain them.
+
+The doctor purchased and paid for the dogs, handing the boy a crisp five
+dollar greenback bill. Although greenbacks were greatly depreciated in
+value at that time, no bill of like denomination has ever before or
+since had the purchasing power that that five dollars had for Alfred. He
+could scarcely contain himself until he arrived at home, that he might
+hand the money to his mother. The doctor informed Alfred that he would
+give him an additional dollar if he would deliver the dogs to Turner
+Simpson, adding: "Simpson keeps all my hounds; he has a pack of them
+there now and these two will be all I'll need for a while. Be careful of
+the dogs, almost anybody will steal a hound dog and brag about it
+afterwards."
+
+When requested to deliver the dogs to Simpson, Alfred was dumbfounded.
+He was soon on his way with the dogs. They did not have to drag the boy
+as on the way to the doctor's house. When they struck the old road above
+the tannery, Alfred gave the hounds a run, until Turner Simpson's house
+came into view.
+
+Their arrival brought hounds from under the old log house, the porch and
+the stable. Kinky, woolly-headed, barefooted pickanninnies peeked
+through broken window panes and out of half-opened doors. The baying of
+the hounds brought old Simpson out to the road.
+
+Alfred advised him that Dr. Playford had paid him one dollar to deliver
+the hounds and sent instructions that they be properly cared for.
+
+"Oh, shucks. You jes tell Bob I allus takes good keer ob his dawgs,"
+spoke the old negro in a half joking way. "An' you say to de Doctor, dat
+when he wants to take a pair ob houns away from yar agin he better jes
+tell me. I done sarch four days fuh dem houns. I neber dream de Doctor
+hed 'em. I nearly hed a fite wid John McCune's boys kase I cused dem ob
+kidnapin' de houns. Now I mus' go ober an' tell John de Doctor hed de
+dawgs all de time."
+
+The six dollars were given to the mother. Lin declared Alfred the best
+boy in the world and one who, "ef he had the chance, could take keer of
+himself."
+
+A few days later Cousin Charley brought Alfred a fine pair of white and
+blue pigeons in a nice little box. After talking on many subjects
+Charley came to the real object of his visit. He stated that he had
+bought the two hounds from a man whom he did not know. He paid the man
+the cash for the dogs. Now he had learned that the dogs had been stolen
+from Turner Simpson and he felt it his duty to restore them to their
+rightful owner.
+
+Lin was washing dishes at the beginning of Charley's talk. She seated
+herself on the table--a favorite position of Lin's--and nodded approval
+at the end of every sentence Charley uttered. When _he_ concluded, Lin
+began:
+
+"I'll be tee-to-tall-y dog-goned ef this haint the mos' curious
+sarcumstance thet's ever kum up. Now a man--and Lin emphasized each word
+with the laying of the forefinger of her right hand into the palm of her
+chubby left--stole Turner Simpson's houns. Ye say ye bought 'em--nodding
+at Charley--ye didn't know they wus stole. Ye gin the houns to Alfurd.
+Now ye kum after the dogs; ye has to gin the houns back to Turner
+Simpson. Ye furgit who ye got the houns from an' can't git yer money
+back, ye're out jus thet much. Now s'posin' Alfurd sole them air houns
+to Doctor Bob Playford--Charley crimsoned--an' the Doctor says 'Yere
+Alfurd, yers a dollar, carry the houns to Turner Simpson's' an' Alfurd
+'ud do hit, then yer conscience 'ud be easy, wouldn't hit?'"
+
+"Yes um," meekly answered Charley, "but I don't think Bob Playford wants
+to buy any houns, he has a plenty, 'bout twenty I reckon."
+
+Lin smiled as she informed Cousin Charley that "he hed twenty-two by
+this time. An' let me tell ye sumthin' further: Ef ye're tradin' in
+birds or pigins or whatever ye call 'em, ye better fin' sum other feller
+to handle 'em kase Alfurd's got on a swappin' canter an' it'll be hard
+to head him." Lin laughed long and heartily. Cousin Charley mumbled
+something about the principle of the thing as he left the house.
+
+It developed that Cousin Charley had been doing quite a business in
+hounds. The pair Alfred had, or a similar pair, had been sold to Doctor
+Playford, at least twice during the past six months. When Charley needed
+a little money, he just sold the Doctor a pair of his own hounds.
+
+The Doctor took it all good naturedly as he remarked: "Charley has
+stolen more hounds for me than he has sold me, therefore, I still owe
+him."
+
+The mother, when the facts came out, forthwith sent Alfred to the Doctor
+with the five dollars. The Doctor laughed and said: "Alfred, go home and
+tell Mary (his mother) that I gave you the five dollars for keeping the
+dogs. And say--If Charley steals them again you just grab them, come and
+tell me and I'll give you five dollars more."
+
+Alfred played spy on Charley for some time but Charley seemed to have
+lost interest in the hound business.
+
+After the old play-ground, Jeffries Commons was abandoned, Sammy
+Steele's tan-yard became the favorite practicing place of the
+athletically inclined boys of the town. The soft tan bark was even more
+suitable for tumbling, leaping and jumping than the old saw-dust ring on
+the commons.
+
+The owner of the tan-yard, Sammy Steele--no one ever called him
+Samuel--was thought, by those who did not know him intimately, to be
+hard and severe. And so he was to those who fell under his displeasure.
+Only a few of the boys of the town were permitted to enjoy the
+practicing place. Alfred was one of them. To Alfred, the dignified, hard
+working, honest tanner, was always kindly.
+
+Alfred performed many errands and did many chores with quickness and
+willingness for the owner of the tan-yard. The willingness of the boy
+caught the fancy of the industrious man. One day he called Alfred up to
+his office.
+
+The big, earnest man began by saying, (he always repeated his words)--:
+"Little Hatfield boy, little Hatfield boy, you are not big enough to do
+much work, much work, but you are willing, you are willing, to do all
+you can. You are here a greater part of your time, the greater part of
+your time. The bark is thrown down, thrown down, from the loft to the
+mill, to the mill, where they grind it; I say grind it, little bits of
+bark fly off, fly off on the ground bark. I want the ground bark kept
+clear of the unground, of the unground bark. You are spry, I say you are
+spry. It will take you but a little while morning and afternoon to clear
+the ground bark pile of the unground pieces, of the unground pieces. For
+this I will pay you twenty-five cents a day, twenty-five cents a day."
+
+Alfred wended his way home in high glee. The prospect of earning money
+was pleasing to the boy. Long before the family arose in the morning he
+was up and waiting for his breakfast. Although it was but a few moment's
+walk to his place of employment, he insisted that he had best carry his
+noonday lunch. This the mother would not permit.
+
+[Illustration: The Bark Mill]
+
+Active as a squirrel the boy scampered over the bark pile picking up the
+bits of unground bark. The work was but play.
+
+The noon hour found him on the tan bark pile practicing. As the bell
+rang calling the men to work he was at his place with the most
+industrious of them.
+
+During the many years that have begun and ended since he worked in Sammy
+Steele's tannery, Alfred has received some pretty fair weeks' salaries,
+but no pay ever brought the happiness the one dollar and fifty cents he
+received for that week's work in the old bark mill when he presented it
+to his mother.
+
+Not many days elapsed before his industry was rewarded by an increase of
+wages to three times the amount he had previously received. His work
+took wider range, upstairs to the big finishing room and the office
+where he came in constant contact with the owner of the tannery. He made
+himself more useful to the man higher up, and when his pay was increased
+to one dollar a day, it seemed a fortune was in sight.
+
+The illusion still clung. The present was but the means to an end and
+beyond lay his hopes. To become a great clown in the circus was the
+goal. Nor were the little band of minstrels, whose rehearsals had been
+checked by the fire and the loss of the melodeon, lost sight of. The big
+finishing room found the little band of amateur minstrels rehearsing
+almost every night, strange to say, the straight laced old tanner did
+not object. When several of the nearby neighbors complained of the noise
+and din, he simply gave orders to limit the rehearsals to 10 p. m.
+
+Lin said: "Huh! ef enybody but Alfurd was at the head of it, Sammy
+Steele would a histed every one on 'em long ago."
+
+Lin was peeved. She could not imagine how the singing could be anything
+without her voice and the melodeon. A tan-yard hand who played the
+violin by ear had supplanted Lin. She declared he could only "fiddle fer
+dancin', he couldn't foller singin'. Ye can't foller a fiddle an' sing,
+ye got to hev a melodeon or accordion. A fiddle wus never made to sing
+with, hit's all right fer dancin'. Lor', ye never hear any real music
+less ye got a lead. That's the reason ye never hear any good singin' in
+Baptus meetin'. They're agin manufactured music, they haven't got
+enythin' to go by."
+
+Lin had joined the Campbellite Church for the reason that it was the
+furthest from the Baptist belief, so she claimed. Alfred always believed
+down deep in his heart that Lin had allied herself with that particular
+denomination for the reason that her vocal abilities were appreciated in
+the little congregation and for the further reason that the church had
+an organ.
+
+Lin felt her exclusion from the minstrel rehearsals more than she cared
+to reveal. Alfred did all he could to comfort her. He assured her that
+Charley Wagner, the violin player, was not nearly so satisfactory as
+she.
+
+"But s'pose I had saved the melodeon"--(Lin always attributed her
+rejection by the minstrel band to the loss of the melodeon)--"you
+couldn't a-used it in the tan-yard, it's too damp there and it would
+spoil the tune of it. Why, it's most ruined my tambourine. Beside,"
+concluded Alfred, "regular minstrels are all men, they don't have any
+women folks in 'em."
+
+His explanation was plausible but it did not satisfy Lin. "Huh! I wasn't
+good enuf fur yer ole tan-yard pack. I s'pose when ye got a lot of
+patchin' and sewin' to do, ye'll be callin' on me but ye won't fin' me
+in. Good bye, Mr. Clown, minstrel. Next time ye try to ak out afore
+folks I hope ye'll do better en ye did the nite uv the big party."
+
+This was a home thrust, it pierced to the quick. Alfred was over
+sensitive. Often, when the remembrance of the failure alluded to by Lin
+troubled his mind, he had soothed himself with the hope that few had
+noticed his failure. But Lin's remark forced the awful feeling upon him
+that, like Cousin Charley's potato deal, it was known and talked of by
+the whole town.
+
+Unexpected happenings brought the rehearsals of the minstrels in the old
+tan-yard to an abrupt ending.
+
+It was during the dark days of the reconstruction period, immediately
+following the war. Only those of the south can fully realize what those
+days meant to a people already impoverished by the _most gigantic war of
+Christendom_.
+
+Colonel Charlotte, once wealthy, now reduced to almost want, (we will
+place his residence, oh anywhere, in Virginia, Georgia or Alabama); his
+once productive plantation neglected for want of tenants and help to
+cultivate it, stock and products confiscated. Many and earnest were the
+conferences held by the Colonel and his unfortunate neighbors, to devise
+ways and means to recuperate their lost fortunes. After each conference
+with his friends the Colonel would wend his way homeward to confer with
+his good wife, who was a most sensible and therefore a lovable woman.
+
+When the Colonel was most despondent the wife was most buoyant, cheering
+him as best she could. After the Colonel had given vent to his feelings,
+recounting for the hundredth time his helplessness in the face of the
+oppressive laws rigidly enforced by the carpet-bag officers; after he
+had delivered himself of a tirade against those who were responsible for
+the condition of affairs, the good wife said: "Colonel, I know if the
+Christian people of the North were aware of the sufferings of our
+people, we would get relief. I pity you in your troubles and do hope we
+may see a way to help ourselves. We are out of corn, the meal is almost
+gone and we have very little bacon left. Our children should be in
+school but I cannot bear to send them with the toes out of their shoes
+and their shabby clothes."
+
+The Colonel would compress his lips, cussing every Yankee on earth. He
+would find his way to the country store to while away another day in
+useless conference with his neighbors. The same persons met daily and
+dispersed nightly to carry their woes to their homes. Time and again
+Colonel Charlotte informed the patient little wife that he was without
+hope.
+
+"Don't give up," encouraged the wife, "I know it looks dark but it is
+always darkest before dawn; let us look toward the east and pray for
+light. I know something will come to us, but for my part, I would not
+care. I can stand it, but the children, poor innocents, should not be
+made to suffer; no shoes or clothes fit to go to school or church in.
+The winter is coming on and our provisions are scant. I worry only on
+account of the children. Colonel, do the best you can; that is all
+mortal can do, the Lord will do the rest."
+
+The Colonel left his fireside early the next morning resolved to find
+something to relieve the wants of his family. Returning home later than
+usual he was in a towering rage. The good wife was alarmed.
+
+"Why, Colonel, what has disturbed you so?"
+
+"Wife, I'm mad clar through and if Captain Barbour warn't an old friend
+of the family, I declar' to God I'd assaulted him today."
+
+"Heaven forbid," pleaded the wife, "I know Captain Barbour surely would
+not wound your feelings intentionally."
+
+The Colonel explained that they were talking over their troubles,
+bewailing their helplessness, when Captain Barbour said: "Why Colonel
+Charlotte, you're better off than any of us, you have the means at your
+command to not only make a living but to lay a little money by."
+
+"And wife, when I asked him how, what do you think he said? That I had a
+carriage and horses and I could open a livery stable. Open a livery
+stable!" And the hot blood of the Charlottes' reddened his temples again
+as he clinched his fists and walked up and down in his anger. "Me, a
+Charlotte, engage in the livery business. Why, wife, I could scarcely
+keep my hands off him. Me, a Charlotte, in the livery business. Pollute
+that old family carriage that bears on its panels the crest of the
+Charlotte family, whose blood runs back to the men of Cromwell."
+
+The facts are the old family carriage was about the only relic of the
+Charlotte family's former greatness; imported from England years before,
+held as almost sacred by succeeding generations of the Charlotte family.
+To have one intimate that the sacred old vehicle should be used to
+convey the common herd was a heavy blow to the pride of the Colonel.
+
+"Well, Colonel," soothingly spoke the wife, "I know your pride has
+been hurt, I know just how badly you feel. I know you are proud and
+I really fear that Captain Barbour in his zeal to assist you was
+indiscreet. He should not have spoken so abruptly but should have
+given you time to consider the motive that prompted him. I
+know--he--he--meant--well--and--and--perhaps--you--should--consider
+his advice. Can't we talk it over?" As she approached him, looking
+up into his face with a half smile and a half cry, she pleaded:
+"I would hate to say one word that would humble your pride,
+but--but those children--you know they ought to have schooling.
+And I declare, Colonel--I do not know--what we're going to do for
+something to--to--eat." And here the wife broke down.
+
+The Colonel folded her in his arms as he soothed her, stroking her hair.
+He declared he would sacrifice all the pride of the Charlottes that she
+and his did not suffer.
+
+The negroes were sent to the corn patch to fetch the old horses, pluck
+the burrs out of manes and tails, smooth them up by currying the long
+hair off their shaggy coats. The old family carriage was hauled out of
+the shed, washed, the brass mountings brightened, the coat of arms, the
+panels scoured until they shone again.
+
+The sting was somewhat removed from the Colonel's feelings by the
+painter making the sign read "Liberty Stable." The word "Livery" was
+not in the painter's vocabulary. When he assured the Colonel that the
+sign was proper the Colonel was more satisfied.
+
+Four or five days wore away. The Colonel, from his seat in front of the
+store, like Enoch Arden patiently watching for a sail, grew more
+despondent each day.
+
+One November evening, the rain gently falling from the weeping clouds
+seemingly in sympathy with the Colonel's dismal feelings, a young negro
+was seen coming towards him. Colonel Charlotte recognized Sam, a former
+slave, the son of an old house servant.
+
+The Colonel returning the salutation in a manner none the less cheery
+said: "Why, Sam, how you all has growed up. I declare I wouldn't knowed
+you only your voice is so much like your father's. How's all? Whar you
+livin' and what you a-doin' for yourself? Come on boy, tell me about
+you eh?"
+
+Sam explained to the Colonel that "he was working on de new railroad
+buildin' down Raleigh way an' wus doin' tolerable well. A dollar a day,
+not countin' Sundays an' I gits my fodder."
+
+"Well, Sam, if you can stow vittles away like you all done when I fed
+you, you're gettin' well paid."
+
+The Colonel laughed at his own joke, the first laugh he had indulged in
+for days. Sam was encouraged by the Colonel's good humor. Doffing his
+hat, he addressed the Colonel in a sort of patronizing manner:
+
+"Cunnel, I dun heard you all gone into the liberty business."
+
+This flattered the Colonel slightly and he straightened up, replying:
+
+"Yes, Sam, I just got tired of seeing my horses and vehicles around
+doing nothing and I wanted something to occupy my time. I don't count
+much on what I'll make but it will keep me from rusting out."
+
+"Well, Cunnel, I'se jus come all de way down yar to see you. Dar's gwine
+to be a dance down to Townsley's tonight an' me an' my company an' my
+friend an' his gal wants to go, an' I kum to ask you all how much you
+gwine fur to ax us to carry us all to de dance an'----"
+
+Like a flash the Colonel jumped to his feet, the old rickety,
+split-bottom chair was hurled after Sam with the words:
+
+"You dam black scoundrel, I'll break every bone in your black body if I
+get hold of you."
+
+This speech was hurled after the thoroughly frightened Sam as the
+Colonel pursued him. Giving up the chase the Colonel stalked home. His
+wife observed his anger as he entered.
+
+"Wife, I've never in my life sustained a worse shock than today. To
+think of it after all these days of waitin', after I have been in the
+liberty business all these days, the first human being to come to
+me"--and the Colonel choked with rage--"the first human being to come to
+me to hire that old family carriage, was a dam nigger."
+
+Then the Colonel in more moderate language described the scene between
+himself and Sam. The good wife listened to the Colonel until he
+concluded. Then in a conciliatory tone, she said: "Well, Colonel, it
+does seem as though fate is cruel to you. I do hope you will bear up
+bravely. I think it just awful that the first customer should have been
+a nigger. I do hope we will have others soon."
+
+Then after a pause, she resumed, "Insofar as I am concerned I would
+willingly die before I'd ask you, a Charlotte, to sacrifice your pride
+further. But when I think of our children I don't know what to say.
+Colonel," and she trembled as she spoke, "do you--do--you think--Sam had
+money to pay for the hire of the carriage?"
+
+"I done heard the money jingle in his pocket when he run."
+
+"Well, Colonel, I wouldn't even suggest that--that--you carry those
+niggers to the ball, but if--if we only had the money--it would do us so
+much good. Those children--."
+
+The Colonel waited to hear no more. Out into the chilly autumn evening,
+more briskly than he had moved in weeks, stalked the Colonel. Reaching
+the Liberty Stable, he ordered one of the boys to locate Sam. "Make
+haste," was his parting order.
+
+The boy soon returned escorting Sam who seemed somewhat afraid to get
+too near the livery stable proprietor. The Colonel assured Sam that he
+desired to talk with him. Leading the way he walked until well out of
+hearing of his stable boy.
+
+He began inquiringly, "So there's a big ball at Townsley's tonight. It's
+the fust I've heard of it, an' you an' your company wants to go. Well
+Sam, you work hard fur your money an' you ought not to spend it too
+freely because winter's coming on and these reconstruction laws the
+Yankees have put on us will make it hard on all of us."
+
+"About how much do you reckon it will cost you all to go to the ball in
+a first class livery turn out?"
+
+"I dunno sah," meekly answered Sam.
+
+"How much you got?" was the Colonel's next question.
+
+"Five dollars," and Sam jingled the coin in his pocket, showing a set of
+ivories that would have been the envy of any society belle in the land.
+
+"Give it to me," and the Colonel reached his long arm out towards Sam,
+the palm of his hand up. Sam placed the five dollars in it.
+
+"Sam, I want to see you have your pleasure. Five dollars is less than I
+ever charged for a carriage to a ball before. Being's it's you I'll let
+it go fer that figure providin' you never mention to any person on earth
+that you hired a conveyance from Colonel Charlotte."
+
+"Yes, sah. I'll promise an' I'll neber tell airy livin' soul 'bout it,"
+answered Sam, showing signs of fright.
+
+The Colonel looked about to assure himself that there were no witnesses
+and commanded Sam to raise his right hand and kneel on the ground. Sam
+hesitated, the ground was wet and he had on his new store pants, but
+down he knelt.
+
+"Now swear by all the laws of reconstruction that if you ever tell you
+rid in Colonel Charlotte's kerrige, you will be whipped by the Ku-Klux,
+haunted by ghosts and burned by witches until you are dead and buried in
+a grave as deep as hell."
+
+The thoroughly frightened boy assented to the oath. The Colonel ordered
+him to arise, get his company together, "mosey" down to where the big
+road crossed the branch and wait until the carriage arrived.
+
+The Colonel never entered the livery stable, content to leave the
+conducting of the same to his help. However, he was not content to trust
+the old family carriage to them. Ordering the horses hitched to the
+sacred vehicle, the Colonel hastened to the house, "to plant the tin,
+afore some dam Yankee carpet-bagger grabbed it," as he expressed it.
+
+He returned to find the carriage ready for him. Two tallow dips burning
+dimly in the big, old-fashioned lamps on either side of the driver's
+seat were the admiration of the boys who lighted them. The Colonel
+ordered them to "blow them thar candles out," saying that they only
+blinded him. The real reason was that the Colonel did not desire any
+light shed on the transaction that would disclose his part in it.
+
+Once down the hill he halted the team under the big oak tree where four
+dusky figures, two males and two females, stood. In a voice he intended
+to sound other than his own, the Colonel ordered the waiting group to
+"git in quick, pull down the curtains and don't airy dam niggers poke
+your heads out till we git to Townsley's."
+
+The horses moved off, the Colonel soliloquizing as they trotted along
+the sandy road: "S'pose I meet a white man an' he asks me where I'm
+goin', what will I tell him? Was there ever a white man, was there ever
+a Charlotte put to this test before. If ever a Charlotte knew that I
+engaged in this business what would I say to him? Did I ever think I'd
+come to this? Me, Colonel Charlotte, hauling niggers to a ball." And he
+again cussed the reconstruction laws.
+
+Arriving at the country store the dance was already under full headway.
+The fiddles and scraping of feet could be plainly heard.
+
+The voice of the caller, "Swing your partners; all hands around; first
+gent lead off to the right," floated out on the damp air.
+
+"Git out," was the Colonel's orders to his fares. "Now, don't stay all
+night or you'll walk back," were his last words to Sam and his company
+as they ran upstairs to the ball room.
+
+Tying the horses to the fence, the Colonel lighted his pipe, walking to
+and fro to warm his chilled blood, he gave way to his gloomy thoughts
+again. "What would Captain Barbour, Colonel Woodburn and Major Hinkle
+say if they found out that he, Colonel Charlotte, was engaged in
+carrying niggers to a ball. Ef I was to be ketched yar by a white man,
+what explanation could I make that would protect the honor of my
+family?"
+
+For himself the Colonel felt that he was eternally disgraced and had
+reached the point where he was willing to be ostracized but hoped to
+protect the family name.
+
+Sam returned to the carriage to find a wrap or other article the women
+had forgotten. The air was very chilly. "Sam, have you all got any fire
+upstairs," asked the Colonel.
+
+"Yes, sah, dars a roarin' fire up yander Colonel. Jus walk up sah an'
+warm yoself."
+
+Pulling his hat down over his eyes, turning his coat collar up to
+disguise himself, the Colonel climbed the narrow stairs. Peeping
+through the door at the whisking dancers he skulked along the side of
+the room until he reached the big, open wood fireplace. The warmth was
+very grateful to his benumbed frame. He had not the assurance to look
+around at the dancers; while his front side was thoroughly warmed, the
+rear of his anatomy was still numb. About the time he had determined to
+about face, the dance ceased. He heard several remarks not intended for
+his ears:
+
+"Who is dat ole white man 'trudin' yar? Whar did dat ole white man kum
+frum? Who fetched him up yar?"
+
+The Colonel couldn't bear it longer. Stalking out, he descended the
+stairs, asking himself if he could sink lower. In the depths of
+degradation, what could happen that would sink him lower. A Charlotte
+ordered out of a nigger ballroom.
+
+The cold air pierced him more quickly since leaving the ballroom. The
+big wood fire influenced him to return to its comforting warmth. By this
+time the fire had heated up the room. The heat from the over-heated
+revellers, the aroma permeating the atmosphere, was not unfamiliar to
+the Colonel's sense of smell yet none the less unpleasant.
+
+It impelled the Colonel to seek fresh air more quickly than the side
+remarks had previously. Out in the chilly air he gave way to his
+thoughts as before, thoughts tinged with even more bitterness.
+
+The fire had made him more and more susceptible to the cold and it was
+not long ere the Colonel started on his way to warm himself again. Sam
+met him at the foot of the stairs. Bowing and scraping, he began by
+apologizing profusely:
+
+"Cunnel, I declars I hates to tell you all but the gemmen dat runs de
+frolik jus tol' me I has to. I'se been pinted a committee to tell you
+dey hes made a good hot fire in de back room down stairs fer you. You
+kin go in an' warm yerself. Dey all doan wants you to kum in de big room
+up stairs eny more. De fak is, de ladies up dar objecks to de oder ob de
+stable on yer clothes."
+
+The facts are that a tannery is not as pleasant to the olfactory senses
+as Pinaud's perfumes, but Alfred, unlike Col. Charlotte, had exposed
+himself to objectionable odors by working over the vats and leather by
+day, and thumping the tambourine by night in the big finishing room. But
+no complaints ever came to his ears of the unpleasant odor of the
+tannery he carried home with him until Lin was discarded by the minstrel
+band. Therefore, when the mother, backed by Lin, informed him that he
+would have to give up his tan-yard affiliations, the boy felt in his
+heart that as in the Colonel's case, it was not the odor but prejudice.
+
+He almost wished he had arranged that Lin might have retained her place
+as leader of the singing. But there were other reasons why he was
+ordered to leave the tanning business.
+
+The Workman Hotel was but a few steps from the old tannery. The new
+landlord was giving the place a cleaning up. Cal Wyatt, the son of the
+hotel man, came over to the tannery and requested Alfred, John Caldman,
+Vince Carpenter and several others to go over during the noon hour to
+the cellar and give them a hand in stacking up sundry barrels and kegs.
+
+All complied. The barrels were quickly lifted on top of each other. A
+tin cup full of some sort of fluid was passed around several times. All
+sipped from the cup, much as folks do from a loving cup nowadays. As the
+barrels were piled higher, the tin cup went around again and again.
+
+Alfred had sipped from a large spoon a little of the same sort of
+tasting stuff when Grandpap Irons made a little toddy before breakfast.
+But never had his lips sunk into a tin cup filled with the stuff
+previously. A feeling came over him such as he had never experienced,
+and it seemed as if all in the cellar were similarly affected. Those of
+the tan-yard hands who had never been known to raise their voices in
+song, essayed to sing the minstrel songs. Those so awkward that they
+could not walk naturally endeavored to dance.
+
+Ordinarily Alfred would have laughed himself weak at the hilarious
+attempts of the tan-yard hands, and their imitations. Under the
+influence of the tin cup's magic fluid he held them in that contempt
+that only the professional can feel for the jay who endeavors to imitate
+him.
+
+[Illustration: The Tin Cup Went Round Again and Again]
+
+Alfred stood motionless, or as near motionless as he possibly could.
+John Caldman, who was known and respected as the one quiet and
+unobtrusive person in the tannery, and from whose lips a loud word never
+escaped, stood erect and immovable as the singing, dancing tan-yard
+hands whirled about him. With compressed lips and haughty mien he seemed
+not to notice them.
+
+Suddenly he spoke and in a voice so loud and unnatural that all were
+awed into silence. The quiet man had changed so completely he seemed
+another person. Alfred gazed at him in astonishment. He hurled epithets
+and denunciations at those whose names he had never before mentioned
+aloud. He recalled insults and abuse heaped upon him by all connected
+with the tannery; he invited, he insisted that the biggest and
+strongest of those about him come out and fight. He dared the whole
+crowd to jump on him.
+
+None accepting his dare he declared his intention to go to the tan-yard
+and clean out the old shebang, following his threat with a movement
+towards the tannery followed by the wobbling crowd.
+
+Entering the big finishing room Alfred saw the infuriated John standing
+in the middle of the room, an iron hook in one hand, a lump of coal in
+the other, while the workmen were flying upstairs and down stairs.
+Alfred endeavored to follow those who went down stairs. He remembered
+starting from the first step at the top. Vince Carpenter afterwards
+informed him he never hit another step in his descent.
+
+[Illustration: Sammy Steele's Mule Kicked the Boy]
+
+Gathering himself up in time to hear Vince shout: "Here comes Mr.
+Steele," as badly scared as his dazed senses would permit him to be,
+Alfred fumbled and scrambled about for a moment. He spied a large
+wheel-barrow overloaded with cows' ears and other by-products of green
+hides that go into the refuse and find their way to the glue factory.
+This slimy mess was just out of the lime vat.
+
+Alfred grabbed the handles and started with the wheel-barrow he did not
+know where, his sole object being to stall and make the boss believe he
+was at work. Along a narrow plank walk he pushed the gruesome load,
+weaving, wobbling at every step, threatening to go off one side or the
+other at any moment, headed for the dump where all the water-soaked,
+discarded tan bark was deposited.
+
+Reaching the dumping ground, standing between the handles of the
+wheel-barrow, Alfred attempted to overturn it. The handles overturned
+Alfred. Down the steep incline, rolled Alfred, wheel-barrow and contents
+in one conglomerate mass, Alfred under the avalanche of cows' ears,
+tails, etc.
+
+Mrs. Hampton witnessed from her back porch the race down the dump pile.
+Calling a couple of boys the lady led the way to where Alfred lay,
+digging him from under the slimy mess. The boys loaded the soaking
+figure into the wheel-barrow and carried him home.
+
+Sammy Steele used as motive power in his bark mill a fine white mare and
+an iron grey mule. When Alfred could not get the use of the white mare
+he rode or drove the mule. Alfred's parents and others continually
+cautioned him to beware of the mule, that it was vicious and would
+surely kick him.
+
+When the boys arrived at Alfred's home and Lin saw them assisting the
+almost senseless boy into the house, she began: "Well, fur the luv of
+all thet's holy, what's the rumpus now? I'll bet a fip Sammy Steele's
+mewel's kicked thet boy."
+
+The boys did not reply, depositing their burden on the floor, hastily
+departed. To Lin's persistent inquiries, Alfred admitted that the mule
+had kicked him. In a maudlin way he stuttered: "L-o-o-k-o-u-t, Lin,
+she'll k-k-i-c-k you." Then he laughed a silly laugh.
+
+Lin was convinced that the boy was out of his head, delirious from the
+mule's kick, sent for the doctor who came in haste. Lin explained that
+she was "skeered nearly to death. I wus yar all alone an' they kum
+draggin' him in. I tried to talk with him but he's plum out of his head.
+His mother an' his pap an' me an' all of us hes warned him time an'
+'gain that that mewel would be his death, but he jus kept a-devilin'
+aroun' hit; now ye see what kum of hit. He's jus like he had a stroke of
+palsy, hit's a wonder the mewel hedn't killed him stun dead. Ef hits
+palsied him he mought jus es well be dead."
+
+Thus Lin ran on as the old doctor carefully looked the patient over. The
+doctor had long practiced in Brownsville. Tomato vine poisoning cases
+were rare. Alfred's ailment on this occasion was common. He made no
+mistake in diagnosing the case although he did not inform the family of
+his conclusions. However, he assured them that "the boy would be all
+right in a day or two. His appetite might not come to him at once but he
+would be all right in the morning. Just let him sleep, don't wake him,
+and when he gets out caution him to--keep away from the mule," added the
+doctor dryly.
+
+Lin said: "Be durned ef hit ain't the queerest case I ever seed.
+Alfurd's jus es sick es he kin be an' the old doctur didn't gin him
+nothin'."
+
+A few days later it was whispered among the neighbors that Alfred and a
+number of the tan-yard hands broke into Bill Wyatt's cellar and drank up
+all his liquor and Alfred, "little as he wus, drinked more'n eny of em."
+George Washington Antonio Frazier 'lowed that Alfred "drinked so much he
+wouldn't want another drink fer a month. I wouldn't ef I'd hed his
+cargo," he concluded.
+
+Lin threw her head up in disgust as she denied this rumor: "Huh, all ole
+Frazier is peeved 'bout is bekase he didn't git his ole hog belly filled
+up fur nuthin'."
+
+Alfred slept he knew not how long. It was night when he awoke. Half
+awake, he would doze and dream--now he was carrying gourds of water to
+Uncle Joe, hastening back to get a gourdful for his own parched lips. He
+would invariably drop the gourd or have some other mishap--he never got
+the water to his lips.
+
+He realized that there were others in the room, the lamp was too low to
+distinguish them. He listened endeavoring to hear what they were talking
+of. The old clock down-stairs struck two, then the little clock on the
+mantelpiece chimed twice.
+
+A figure arose, softly crossing the room and a hand was laid softly on
+the boy's forehead. His eyes were closed but he knew it was his mother's
+hand.
+
+"He is a little less feverish, Pap, you had best go to bed. I'll call
+Lin early and lie down. Now go on, you have to work and you won't feel
+like it, if you don't get your sleep. Go on now, if he gets worse, I'll
+call."
+
+"Gets worse I'll call you." Alfred repeated the words over and over in
+his mind. He imagined at first that he had been sick a long time. He
+gathered his thoughts--the old tavern cellar came into his mind, the
+antics of the tan-yard hands after they had quaffed from the tin cup.
+Alfred got no further in his ramblings than the tin cup; only a ray of
+thought, yet it was of sufficient power to cause the boy to retch and
+strain as though he would heave his stomach up.
+
+The mother was holding a vessel in one hand and supporting the very sick
+boy with the other arm.
+
+"Muz, Muz, what's the matter with me--how long have I been sick--d-do
+you th-i-n-k I'm goin' to die?"
+
+The mother soothed him and persuaded him to go to sleep. Alfred closed
+his eyes and pretended to sleep. He heard footsteps and, peering out of
+the corner of his eye, he perceived the form of his father bending over
+him.
+
+Softly walking over to where the mother sat with bowed head, the father
+began: "I thought I heard him talking. Was he awake?"
+
+"Yes," answered the mother.
+
+"What did he say?" eagerly inquired the father.
+
+The mother informed him.
+
+The father, looking toward the bed, remarked half to himself:
+
+"I hope he will be sober enough to talk to me before I leave the house."
+
+"Why, John," hastily began the mother, "you speak as if he were an old
+toper."
+
+"Well, Mary. I did not mean it that way. But I have been worried ever
+since that minstrel crowd has been gathering at the tan-yard. Of course,
+I never knew Alfred to drink whiskey but they all drink more or less and
+Alfred is not the boy to pass anything by there's any fun in."
+
+"But they had no business to give a boy whiskey," argued the wife, "and
+I would see about it and I would make an example of them if I were
+you."
+
+"I will do all of that and more," warmly answered the father. After a
+pause, he resumed: "They tell me they were all in Wyatt's cellar and Cal
+Wyatt drew a tin cup of high proof whiskey. Alfred put the cup--"
+
+Alfred was following the father's words. At the mention of the word
+"cup," his stomach rebelled again. His father was holding a vessel, his
+mother supporting the boy's head.
+
+Turning his head, the father ejaculated: "Phew! If that isn't rot-gut I
+never smelt it."
+
+Alfred pretended to go to sleep and the father and mother talked long
+and earnestly. Their solicitude for the erring boy, touched Alfred to
+the heart. He had not realized until this moment the meanness of his
+actions. When Alfred fully realized the misery and suffering he had
+caused his parents, he was impelled to crawl to them and kiss the hem of
+their garments, promising never to cause them pain from the same cause
+again.
+
+Let it be recorded he did not realize immediately when he drank from the
+cup, that it was whiskey. After the first swallow or two he became
+oblivious to his danger. He felt that he was forever disgraced. He
+thought of getting out of bed and fleeing, he cared not whither, only to
+get far away from the scene of his disgrace.
+
+We do not know that the boy resolved that he would never touch, taste or
+handle whiskey again. We do not know what resolutions he made to
+himself, but we do know that whisky never passed his lips again until he
+was more than a man grown and then rarely and in very small quantities.
+
+Alfred slept. When he awoke it was daylight. The sun was shining
+brightly. His first thought was that he would be late for work. Then he
+heard the voice of a neighbor woman, one whom the mother disliked, one
+who was noted for her tatling propensities. As an excuse to call she had
+brought fruit for Alfred. The boy overheard her inquiries as to his
+condition. She whispered long and earnestly with Lin. The latter,
+looking down at the pale face of Alfred began questioning him:
+
+"Well, I see ye're alive yit, I gess ye'll kum out of hit. I s'pose the
+hull durn town'll be laffin' at me. I never dreamed ye wus jus corned.
+Ef I'd knowed, I'd brot ye out uf it quicker; I'd jus made a hull tin
+cup uf hot mustard--"
+
+Alfred heard no further than "tin cup." Flopping over on his stomach,
+endeavoring to hold down the last remnants of his innards, he begged to
+be left alone. But Lin kept on:
+
+"An' yere I sends fur the doctor es innercent es a baby an' up an' tole
+him Sammy Steele's mewel hed histed ye. An' when he was feelin' roun' ye
+I thot he was feelin' fur busted bones, an' durned ef I ever knowed even
+when ye begun throwin' up on the carpit thet ye wus jus drunk."
+
+Lin continued: "Ef I hadn't sent fur the doctor it wouldn't be so blamed
+green lookin' in me. I'll never hear the las' uf hit. I'll bet Sammy
+Steele's mewel's ears will burn, the hull town'll be talkin' 'bout thet
+mewel. They'll say he's a powerful kicker," and Lin laughed despite
+herself.
+
+"Why, fur weeks after Joe Sandford got into thet fix with his wall-paper
+show clothes folks would laff when I went into meetin'. I could tell
+what they wus thinkin' uf the minnit they'd smile. Un the wust part uf
+hit is I went over to Mrs. Todd's an' we cried fur two hours. Mrs.
+Todd's brother got kicked in the spinel string (cord) with a mewel an'
+he died the same nite. He never moved after he wus kicked. He wus
+ossified from head to fut."
+
+Alfred laughed. Lin corrected herself by saying: "Thet's what Mrs. Todd
+sed ailed him, but I knowed she meant 'palsified'."
+
+Alfred again laughed. Lin knew she had made a mistake; she was sensitive
+and it nettled her to notice the smile on Alfred's face. In tones quite
+testy she advised him to "hold his laff 'til he could feel hit. Ye
+needn't git so peart, ye hain't out of danger yit, ye're liable to have
+anuther collapse or sumthin' else. Ye'll never look as white aroun' the
+gills when ye're laid out in them linen sheets ye stole fur yer show."
+
+Lin "wondered what gran'muther would say when she heard of his
+'sickness'." At the word "sickness" Lin winked with both eyes.
+
+"I'll bet a fip Uncle Ned will say: 'Well, he's another notch nearer
+hell.'"
+
+Alfred did not consider the reference to Uncle Ned, but grandmother came
+up in his mind and he determined to go to the old lady and tell her the
+whole truth. And this he did and, instead of condemnation, he received
+advice that strengthened him in avoiding many of the same sort of
+pitfalls thereafter.
+
+The tin cup incident ended Alfred's connection with the tan-yard but
+Alfred never regretted his experience. The work was most health-giving
+and muscle developing. The examples of industry and integrity learned
+from Sammy Steele have been a guiding post in the life of the boy.
+Alfred had not been in his employ long until he was permitted to
+conduct small trades with the customers who visited the tannery.
+
+One day a highly respected farmer brought in a hide. Alfred weighed the
+hide and figured up the amount due the farmer when Mr. Steele entered
+the room, passing the compliments of the day with the farmer. The hide
+was spread out on the table. The tanner folded it over as if to
+ascertain if it had been damaged in the skinning process. At the first
+touch of the hide he looked into the farmer's face, and in a careless
+tone, asked:
+
+"Been killing a beef?"
+
+"Yes," drawled the farmer.
+
+"Eh, huh, eh, huh," nodded the tanner, "what did you do with the
+carcass?"
+
+"Oh, we found a market at home for it. We got a big family," replied the
+farmer.
+
+"Eh, huh" assented the tanner. Reaching over, he took up the slate,
+rubbed out Alfred's figures, figured the hide at about two-thirds the
+amount Alfred was about to pay the farmer.
+
+To Alfred's surprise the farmer accepted the cut in price and hastily
+took his leave. The tanner looked after him in a contemptuous manner,
+turned to Alfred and inquired if he knew the farmer.
+
+Alfred answered: "Yes, he's a neighbor of my uncle. He belongs to the
+Baptus Church and I heard the preacher say if God ever made an upright
+man, he was one."
+
+"Yes, yes," answered the tanner, "God made all men upright but a murn
+hide will warp most of them."
+
+A murn hide is one taken from an animal that dies of a disease. The
+sensitive touch of the old tanner detected the diseased hide
+immediately.
+
+Alfred has applied this incident to many deals in his life and a murn
+hide became one of his pet references to a crooked transaction. The tie
+of friendship between Alfred and Sammy Steele lasted while the tanner
+lived.
+
+Sammy Steele had not acquired a fortune in all the years of his hard
+labor. A skilled workman, he respected labor. No employe of his was ever
+tricked out of his wages. He was as fair to the poor as to the rich and
+both trusted him. In an uncouth world he was a gentleman; he bowed as
+courteously to a wash-woman as to an heiress.
+
+An honest man, he was Alfred's boyhood friend, his friend in manhood.
+Alfred loved him while he lived and respected his memory after he was
+gone.
+
+If there were more like Sammy Steele in this world there would be better
+boys and better men.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER TEN
+
+    If every man's eternal care
+      Were written on his brow,
+    How many would our pity share
+      Who raise our envy now?
+
+
+Lest those who read these pages through feelings of sympathy for the
+author, or influenced by curiosity, may gain the impression that the
+people of Brownsville were not as staid as the exacting proprieties of
+society demanded, it must be pointed out that there was not a bar-room
+in the town. The two bakeries, William Chatland and Josie Lawton, sold
+ale by the glass. Every tavern sold whisky by the drink from a
+demi-john, jug or bottle that was kept locked up. The landlord carried
+the key and served his customers from a glass or tin-cup. He poured out
+the drink, limiting the amount to the condition of the one served.
+
+Alfred would never admit Pittsburg in advance of Brownsville except in
+one thing--the mirrored palaces where only cut glass was used in serving
+the thirsty.
+
+[Illustration: Bill Brown]
+
+It is peculiar how one's environments will influence his actions in
+after years. Bill Brown continues to send cut glass goblets to his
+friends. He boasts that _his_ friends drink only out of cut glass. This
+boast does not arouse Alfred's envy as he has friends in Brownsville who
+can drink out of the bung hole of a barrel.
+
+With going to school five days in a week and hunting Saturday, Alfred
+was kept within bounds.
+
+Kate Abrams--everybody who knew him addressed him as "Kate" (none ever
+called him Decatur)--Captain Kate Abrams was the beau ideal of a man in
+Alfred's estimation. Brave, gay and companionable, a man who loved boys
+and hated hypocrites, a riverman, one who had plyed the southern rivers
+from mouth to headwaters, as well known in St. Louis or Natchez as in
+his home town, high strung and generous, he was just the kind of man
+that boys love and respect.
+
+To go hunting with Kate was a pleasure Alfred esteemed above all others.
+He was the first wing shot Alfred ever hunted with. It was the custom of
+the hunters of that section to kill all their game sitting.
+
+When Alfred was permitted to handle and shoot the double-barreled gun
+Captain Abrams had purchased in St. Louis, he experienced thrills known
+only to an ardent hunter when a gun, the like of which he had never seen
+before, comes into his hands.
+
+"You can't miss shootin' that gun", was Alfred's comment.
+
+Captain Abrams generally killed all the game, furnished all the
+ammunition and divided even with the boys.
+
+The Captain, Daniel Livingston and Alfred had been out one Saturday but
+bagged only two rabbits; the boys were figuring in their minds how two
+rabbits could be divided among three persons. When they arrived at the
+parting point, the Captain remarked, "I know you boys would rather have
+a half dollar each than a rabbit." With this he handed each a bright
+half dollar.
+
+Alfred had gone but a few steps toward home when a stranger halted him,
+inquiring as to the location of the office of the _Clipper_, the weekly
+newspaper. Alfred obligingly directed the man to the office.
+
+The stranger had Alfred greatly interested. He was a journeyman printer.
+Harrison was his name. Harrison was only one of the many who roamed over
+the country in those days. They roamed from one spree to another,
+sometimes looking for work and never keeping it long if found.
+
+Harrison was an editorial writer. There were many of them in those days;
+their enunciation of their political faith was abuse of all who dared
+dispute them. They wrote for many years and not one line of their output
+serves as a true mark of the times or people of the days in which they
+lived.
+
+[Illustration: Harrison and Alfred]
+
+Harrison had walked from Uniontown. He had been working on the _Genius
+of Liberty_, had left the paper before it ceased publication, as he put
+it. He borrowed Alfred's half dollar. He promised he would meet Alfred
+at the _Clipper_ office early next morning.
+
+Alfred was there early but Harrison did not arrive until noon. Alfred
+learned afterwards that high noon was early for Harrison, he always did
+his work between twelve o'clock midnight and bed-time.
+
+Alfred never liked the man from the time he failed to keep his
+appointment and repay the half dollar, although for the next year he was
+in closer touch with Harry Harrison than any human being on earth. But
+he soon discovered that Harrison had knowledge of many things that he
+wished to learn. Of course, he got a great deal of chaff with the grain,
+but it was all enlightening.
+
+Harrison had no difficulty in arranging with Mr. Hurd as editor,
+foreman, pressman, reporter and general manager of the _Clipper_, issued
+every Thursday. He had come from the _Genius of Liberty_ published in
+Uniontown, a paper savagely opposed to the _Clipper_.
+
+Alfred's father was a reader and an admirer of the _Genius of Liberty_,
+a Democratic paper, a hater of the principles of the _Clipper_ and not
+very friendly toward the owner thereof. When Harrison called at Alfred's
+home to induce the parents to permit Alfred to ally himself with the
+office force of the newspaper of which Harrison was the head, the father
+bluntly told him that he did not have any faith in a Democrat who
+espoused the principles continuously enunciated by that Abolitionist
+sheet, the _Brownsville Clipper_, and he would not permit a child of his
+to work for the paper.
+
+Harrison advised the family that although he was a Democrat he was above
+all a newspaper man, and newspaper men were compelled often times to
+sacrifice principles to exigencies. That it was not a matter of the
+present but of the future. Alfred should be fitted for a career that
+would bring him honor and renown. Harrison declared the boy was
+precocious beyond his years, all he required was training, and he,
+Harrison, was in a position to offer the boy opportunities that might
+never knock at his door again.
+
+Notwithstanding the fact that the _Brownsville Clipper_ had on many
+occasions praised the business competitor of Alfred's father and, while
+Uncle Billy was a candidate for county judge, not only assailed his
+loyalty but referred to all his family in uncomplimentary terms, Alfred
+became an attache of the paper.
+
+According to Harrison's statement Alfred was to be one of the business
+staff, although there was no written agreement to that effect. However,
+Harrison made mention of this fact several times in conversation with
+the family. As Harrison was editor, reporter, foreman of the composing
+room, and also the compositor, pressman, etc., the only opening for
+Alfred was in the business department.
+
+Lin said that Harrison was the "most nicest man that ever kum from
+Uniontown, thet they was nearly all 'mountin hoosiers' but she would bet
+Harrison kum from a good family and she hoped Hurd's would feed him
+right." In those days it was the custom for the employer to board his
+hands.
+
+The first three days Alfred was in the business department he carried
+two tons of coal in two big pails from the cellar to the third
+story--the press room. Harrison declared it was not possible to publish
+a clean sheet unless the room was kept at an even temperature. Harrison
+had reference to the mechanical part of the paper, not the literary.
+
+On press day, Baggy Allison, the town drayman, helped out. He worked the
+lever of the hand-press. It required heft and strength to pull the lever
+as it was necessary to press the form heavily to give the type the
+proper impression on the paper.
+
+Alfred was the roller. Two gluey, molassy, sticky rollers about four
+inches in diameter with handles on them, not unlike a small lawn mower
+without wheels, was first run over the ink smeared on a large flat
+stone, then over the form lying on the press after each impression.
+
+Press day was a big day in the little printing office.
+
+Harrison had inaugurated reforms and improvements in the paper. He had a
+catchy style in writing up the news. For instance: When Polly Rider and
+Jacob Rail were united in marriage, the groom requested a nice mention
+of the wedding, it was promised him. The following appeared in the
+_Clipper's_ next issue:
+
+    "On Wednesday evening in the presence of a large and respectable
+    gathering of the quality of Bull Skin Township, Jacob Rail and
+    Polly Rider were married by a duly qualified squire. The affair
+    was held at Tom Rush's Tavern. All following the bride and groom
+    a-horseback made a crowd as long as any that ever attended an
+    infair or any other public outpouring in this neighborhood. Rush
+    sets the best table on the old pike twixt Brownsville and
+    Cumberland. At this infair he outshone all others; many claimed
+    it was the best meal they ever sat down to. Mine host is not a
+    candidate for any office we know of but he can get anything he
+    wants in this county insofar as the support of this paper goes.
+    And we know whereof we write. Two baskets filled with dainties
+    and a demi-john came to this office. The whole office wishes the
+    happy landlord 'bon vivant' until we can do better by him. The
+    bride wore red roses and other posies; the groom wore a new
+    black suit which he bought at Skinner's round corner clothing
+    store. Everybody wishes them a pleasant voyage through life, as
+    does the CLIPPER."
+
+The two baskets of dainties had not been received when the article was
+written but a copy of the paper found its way into the hands of the
+landlord before the ink was dry and the baskets and demi-john were in
+the office soon thereafter. Folks were just as susceptible to favorable
+mention then as now.
+
+In the same column of the _Clipper_ appeared this voluntary tribute:
+
+    "T. B. Murphy, the handsome and polite ladies' man, the artistic
+    grocer, has just gotten in a large supply of everything in his
+    line. Murphy is just a little cheaper and a great deal better
+    than other grocers. Among the toothsome goodies which the boys
+    of the CLIPPER dote on are the fresh Scotch herring all ready
+    for eating and the sugar crackers. They go together and make a
+    snack fit for a king to gorge on."
+
+Harrison never tired of sugar crackers and Scotch herring. The herring
+kept him continually thirsty, hence Jose Lawton came in for favorable
+mention:
+
+    "Jose Lawton, the oldest and best baker in the town this day
+    received a dray load of Spencer & McKay's Cream Ale. Spicy and
+    brown, it is a nectar fit for the gods and spurs on ye editor in
+    his untiring labors for that great moral inspiration, the
+    public."
+
+All that day the business department of the paper was very busy with a
+large coffee pot carrying inspiration from Lawton's to the press room.
+
+Harrison carried his reforms and innovations to the editorial pages of
+the paper. In his first editorial he attacked those who held the
+offices and those who aspired to them, that is, those to whom the paper
+was opposed. Uncle Billy Hatfield was a candidate for county judge. The
+_Clipper_ said:
+
+    "The office holding habit is so strongly imbedded in the
+    family," (Uncle Billy had been a justice of the peace, another
+    uncle a constable and Alfred's father burgess for one term),
+    "that if the voters of this county defeat them, as they surely
+    will do as the CLIPPER is in the fight to stay, and they were
+    sent to the Island of Ceylon, where the natives have no clothes
+    on, they wouldn't be there long before they would hold all the
+    offices. And thus, like here, have their hands in the pockets of
+    the naked voters."
+
+Press day Harrison would fly fold and what not until a dozen copies had
+been run off that looked right to him. With these he left the office,
+the drayman and business department struggled along with the printing of
+the paper. The circulation was nine hundred and it generally took the
+day and far into the night to work off the edition.
+
+Harrison carried the copies containing complimentary write-ups of
+various enterprises and persons in town to the persons themselves and
+frequently returned with articles contributed by the recipient of the
+write-up. He would bestow them on the office force, a pair of suspenders
+to Alfred, a pair of gloves to Baggy Allison, cigars, cheese, Scotch
+herring, sugar crackers and tobacco, were distributed and kept on hand
+at all times, that is all times near press day.
+
+Harrison generally celebrated for three days. Press day was Thursday; he
+kept it up until Sunday when he was generally very sick.
+
+On this, Alfred's first press day, Baggy Allison, the pressman, grew
+very tired when three hundred of the edition had been worked off. The
+pressman proceeded to take a nap. That the great preserver of public
+morals might not be delayed in delivery, Alfred essayed to work the
+press. The foot rest was too far away for him to reach the lever. The
+first time he pulled it towards him while on a tension, the lever
+slipped from his slender grasp, and flying back, snapped one of the
+small springs in the press.
+
+Harrison was sought and finally found but was too effulgent to realize
+the calamity. He recommended the press be shipped to Philadelphia and
+the office closed for two weeks. He was evidently feeling so good that
+he could not entertain the idea of getting back to the regular life in
+less time.
+
+Mr. Hurd, the owner, insisted that Davy Chalfant, "the best blacksmith
+in the country," could repair the spring. Alfred was dispatched with the
+broken bits to Davy's shop. Davy was not only noted for his mechanical
+skill but for his likes and dislikes. He had a great admiration for
+mechanics who labored with heavy tools or machinery and greater contempt
+for all who were engaged in lighter labor. Davy could shoe horses, weld
+tires or axles as no other blacksmith in those parts.
+
+[Illustration: "What Does Hurd Take Me Fur, a Damned Jeweler?"]
+
+Kaiser, the town jeweler, a German of delicate physique and features, a
+skilled workman, was held in special contempt by the big blacksmith who
+never passed the jeweler's shop that he did not hurl, under his breath,
+contemptuous words at the delicate little jeweler sitting in his window
+with a magnifying glass on his eye, plying his trade.
+
+When Alfred handed the blacksmith the broken bits of the spring he took
+them in the hollow of his big palm and said: "What's these?"
+
+Alfred explained that the press was broken and it would be impossible to
+print the paper until the spring was repaired and Mr. Hurd said he knew
+that he, Mr. Chalfant, could fix it.
+
+Davy turned the bits of broken steel over in his palm with the
+forefinger of his other hand as he musingly said: "So Hurd said I could
+fix this thing, did he?" And here he handed Alfred the broken bits.
+"Well, you take it back to Hurd an' ax him what he takes me fur, a
+damned jeweler?"
+
+Someone suggested that Gus Lyons, the machinist and piano tuner, could
+repair the spring, which he did after several hours work.
+
+Harrison celebrated longer, with the result that the remainder of the
+edition was not worked off until after the regular edition of the
+following week. The edition of the week before went out with the regular
+edition with an added note at the top of the page explaining the
+terrible accident to the press which caused the delay.
+
+It was one of the onerous duties of the business department to deliver
+the paper in three towns, Brownsville, Bridgeport and West Brownsville.
+To the houses on the hill above Workman's Tavern he generally sent the
+paper by a boy; the subscribers along Water Street, down toward the coal
+tipple, were served by somebody Alfred met going that way.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+When Alfred took charge of the business department he was furnished a
+list of the subscribers in the three towns. It was not long until he
+lost the list; in fact, he never was guided by the list. None of the
+Democrats of any prominence in the town took the paper, but every week,
+those holding office would be touched up in the paper. The business
+department always took pains to deliver a copy of the paper to one thus
+mentioned. If the article were pretty severe Alfred saw to it that all
+the family of the one roasted received a copy of the paper.
+
+This kept things stirred up around the office and the town. Alfred
+generally distributed the papers to every family whether they subscribed
+to it or not. From the outlying districts there came many complaints of
+the non-delivery of the paper. The owner of the paper hired a horse and
+buggy to trace the business department in its work.
+
+Bob and Mrs. Hubbard owned a malt house and made excellent ale, so it
+was said. They were subscribers to the paper. The owner of the paper
+visited the Hubbards. The Mrs. was the business end of the firm. After
+visiting a little while and sampling a goblet of the ale, the owner of
+the paper announced the object of his visit:
+
+"We have a new boy, complaints have come to the office that our readers
+are not receiving their papers regularly. How about yours?"
+
+Mrs. Hubbard looked at the owner rather surprised, as she informed him
+that she "'adn't noticed the paper around the 'ouse in several weeks."
+She said: "I thought you 'ad stopped printing it."
+
+This nettled the owner, who was proud of his paper. "No ma'am! We have
+never stopped it but you won't lose nothing, we will run you five weeks
+over on the next year's subscription." And he took another glass of ale.
+
+The owner expressed his disappointment that the paper had not been
+delivered regularly. He remarked as he sipped at the fresh goblet of
+ale the lady had insisted on him taking, "You shall have your paper
+regularly hereafter, I shall bring it down myself every Thursday
+evening."
+
+"Oh Lor', no, Mr. Urd," the good woman began, "Oh Lor', 'Urd, we
+wouldn't 'ave you trouble yourself for hennything. Never mind the paper,
+we never reads hit enyhow."
+
+Alfred did not fancy Harrison but was constantly associated with him.
+There was a charm about the man for Alfred that was stronger than his
+dislike. Harrison knew, or pretended he did, all the showmen of the day,
+he would discuss them for hours while Alfred sat in open-mouthed wonder.
+There was one feature Alfred studied over greatly--Harrison's
+acquaintance with all noted showmen was brought about in nearly every
+instance by Harrison having assisted them financially at some time.
+Alfred had never thought of a clown or a minstrel except as one rolling
+in wealth. When Harrison related how he had assisted Dan Rice out of
+Louisville when in distress and Sam Sharpley out of Maysville when
+creditors oppressed him, Alfred's respect for the man was still more
+lessened. But it influenced him to look upon actors with a feeling less
+exalted than previously.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Alfred learned in after years that the hallucinations of Harrison as to
+assisting actors financially were common in the minds of those who lived
+a roving life.
+
+Harrison gave Alfred the first copy of the _New York Clipper_ he ever
+read, probably the only amusement paper in the United States at that
+time. Alfred was all of one rainy Sunday reading that copy of the
+_Clipper_. He kept it hid in the cow stable fearing his father would
+object to the paper.
+
+Alfred became an authority on sports and amusements. The town people
+marveled at his knowledge. Frank McKernan, the sporting shoemaker,
+referred every argument that came up in his shop as to actors or prize
+fighters to him.
+
+Harrison presented Alfred a book on stage management. It contained just
+such information as he had been seeking. The band of minstrels were
+busily rehearsing in the back room of Frank McKernan's shoe-shop.
+Harrison elated Alfred with the information that after the troupe became
+perfectly rehearsed they could give performances every Saturday night in
+Jeffres Hall and money would roll in on them.
+
+John and Charley Acklin, splendid singers from the Methodist church
+choir, joined the troupe when the minstrels serenaded Alfred's family.
+Lin acknowledged, "the singin' wus purty an' ye git along right good
+although hit mought be better."
+
+Harrison pronounced the troupe perfectly rehearsed and ordered Alfred to
+secure Jeffres Hall for the following Saturday night. Then came trouble.
+Harrison assumed to be manager and treasurer. Win Scott, Alfred's
+dearest pal, had always been the door-keeper. Win was intensely jealous
+of Harrison. Alfred required Harrison's aid with the newspaper and to
+have a few handbills printed. He loved old Win and he was greatly
+disturbed as to how to appease Win and satisfy Harrison.
+
+Harrison had become very much interested in Lin. The lady had not given
+him any encouragement. Lin had a beau to whom she was loyal. Harrison
+continually quizzed Alfred as to Lin's attitude toward him. Alfred
+truthfully advised Harrison that Lin had never referred to him.
+
+Harrison, in addition to his impecuniosity, had other peculiarities of
+which vanity was not the least. Alfred persuaded Lin to accompany
+Harrison to the proposed show. As Lin's "steady" was employed in a
+distant town and she was very anxious to witness the first minstrels
+performance, she sort of half way promised to permit the itinerant
+printer to escort her to the show. But she decidedly declared, "Ef he
+kums near me with the smell of licker on him I'll sack him quick."
+
+Alfred felt that he was playing a desperate game but he had a great deal
+at stake. The fact is, in all his other shows he had never enjoyed the
+luxury of a treasurer. He did not fully comprehend the meaning of the
+term; a door-keeper was all he required and when Harrison continually
+talked of the treasurer as the one who held the destinies of the troupe
+in the hollow of his hand, it was displeasing to Alfred.
+
+In fact, Alfred had inwardly resolved that Harrison should not handle
+the funds. Win Scott, his boyhood friend, should keep door and take in
+the money as heretofore. Alfred resolved, though Lin even refused to
+accept the invitation of Harrison, that he would declare himself at the
+last moment as to the treasurership.
+
+Alfred called on Mr. Jeffres, the owner of the hall, the only one in
+town, stated his business, inquired as to the rental for a single night,
+intimating to the fidgety little Englishman that the hall would be
+rented many subsequent nights if the price was satisfactory.
+
+Alfred has experienced many rebuffs but none so overwhelming as the
+refusal of Mr. Jeffres to consider his proposition. He was smothered
+with astonishment, chagrin and several other emotions that no
+appropriate names have been found for.
+
+The parting words of Mr. Jeffres kept ringing in his ears as he
+sorrowfully walked homewards, his heart so heavy he could scarcely lift
+his feet from the ground: "Hi do not care to rent my 'all to
+hirresponsible persons. Hi 'av no desire to 'ave you an' your scalawags
+ha-running about my 'all naked as some of you did the day you 'ad your
+grandfather's coolin' sheets tacked hon the hold rag tent hin front of
+my 'ouse." Jeffres bowed Alfred out of his house as he concluded his
+speech.
+
+Lin was up in arms. "Huh! Let ole Tilty go to blazes with his ole 'all
+(mimicking Jeffres). I'll git ye the Campbellite meetin' house, see ef I
+don't."
+
+The true inwardness of the refusal of the hall was that Jeffres was the
+business competitor of Alfred's father. Captain Decatur Abrams was
+building the steamboat "Talequah." Jeffres greatly desired the contract
+and felt sure that he would get it. Captain Abrams was the father's
+friend through all the vicissitudes of those troublesome days and the
+contract went to Alfred's father.
+
+In after years, when the old gentleman, whose feelings had softened with
+age, invited Alfred to appear in his hall, Alfred met the astounded man
+with a courtesy and consideration that made the two men friends ever
+afterwards.
+
+Spurred to greater activity in furthering his scheme to produce his
+first minstrel enterprise, Alfred, without consulting anyone, walked out
+the old pike to the Redstone School-house. He waited outside until the
+noon hour. With the sound of the children's voices in their happiness at
+play disturbing his interview he made his errand known to the teacher.
+
+Miss Lenhart, the teacher, was the sweetheart of his cousin Will,
+although Alfred was not aware of it nor did he know of the influence
+this had in securing him the school-house until long after the couple
+were wedded.
+
+Washington Brashears, the president of the school directors, gave his
+permission and thus was the school-house secured. All the scholars, the
+teacher and the school directors were to receive free tickets for the
+performance.
+
+The mother, remembering the boy's mishaps in similar attempts, was very
+earnest in her efforts to dissuade him from giving the exhibition,
+particularly when she was informed by the enthusiastic showman that the
+price of admission would be twenty-five cents for grown folks and a levy
+(twelve and a half cents) for children.
+
+Harrison wrote up Jeffres in the _Clipper_ as "one who would impede the
+progress of civilization. The discourager of genius and talent." Hurd
+toned down the article somewhat. However, it had the effect of
+advertising not only Alfred but his great moral exhibition.
+
+Lin loaned Alfred the last cent she had in the world and accompanied him
+to the dry goods store that he might not be imposed upon in the purchase
+of red calico to be used as a curtain.
+
+"I'll be thar from the time hit opens 'til it's over an' thar'll be no
+wall-paper show clo's in it nuther, ye see ef thur is. Mary, ye needn't
+be skeered, jes res' easy, I'll see hit's all es proper es eny meetin'
+or Sunday School an' ef they don't like it, be dog-goned ef I don't make
+Alfurd gin the money back."
+
+This last declaration did more to allay the worry of the mother than
+anything that had been said before. The mother actually so forgot her
+fears that she assisted Lin in sewing the curtains.
+
+Old man Risbeck, a neighboring farmer, not only loaned Alfred the lumber
+to build the platform, or stage, but assisted in building it.
+
+Park McDonald, another farmer, a little the worse for hard cider, also
+assisted, with a great deal of advice which was not followed.
+
+The teacher dismissed school at noon Friday that all might be in
+readiness for the big show Saturday night. Alfred was not altogether
+pleased with the idea of Lin bossing the whole job, fearing that many
+members of his troupe would be disgruntled over her domineering manner.
+However, she was so enthusiastic and inventive he refrained from doing
+or saying anything that would impair her usefulness. Lin was very
+sensitive and somehow Alfred felt that the success of the great
+undertaking required Lin's help.
+
+Alfred had worked all night setting type and working off a small, square
+bill, printed in black ink on pink paper. He would have used red, blue
+or any other highly colored ink if it had been in the office.
+
+The bill read:
+
+     HATFIELD AND STOREY'S
+        ALABAMA MINSTRELS
+     REDSTONE SCHOOL-HOUSE
+       EARLY CANDLE LIGHT
+       COME ONE--COME ALL
+         ADMISSION PRICE
+          25 CENTS FOR
+          MEN AND WOMEN
+    TWELVE AND A HALF CENTS
+          FOR CHILDREN.
+
+[Illustration: Alfred as a Bill Poster]
+
+Alfred not only set up and printed the bills announcing his first
+minstrel show but distributed them, tacking them up in conspicuous
+places.
+
+The first bill was tacked on Mart Claybaugh's blacksmith shop near the
+old Brubaker Tavern. Alfred then continued out the pike to Searight's
+Tavern. At Uncle Billy Hatfield's a great display was made on barn,
+blacksmith and harness shop. When Uncle Billy returned home and read the
+bill headed "Hatfield and Storey's Alabama Minstrels," he first imagined
+that his political enemies were working something off on him. Cousin
+Will's explanation did not satisfy him and he ordered the bills removed,
+fearing they might jeopardize his political chances.
+
+Alfred visited Plumsock, Cook's Mill, Joshua Wagner's cider press. Even
+at that early day Alfred had the advertising idea pretty well developed.
+
+Press day the paper was worked off more promptly than usual and Alfred
+had the entire edition delivered by dark. Harrison had a longer list of
+complimentary mentions than usual, hence he celebrated more copiously
+than ever.
+
+Lin learned of this through Alfred. She remarked: "Durn him an' his
+drinkin'. I'll jes fool him; I'll go out with you all."
+
+This was another jolt for Alfred as Charley Wagner, the violinist of the
+company, was one of those obstinate Dutchmen who had to be treated "just
+so," otherwise he would "pack up his wiolin und scoot," as he expressed
+it. Wagner was fully informed as to the insinuations Lin had indulged in
+reflecting upon his ability and more than once he had advised Alfred,
+"If dor beeg Wirginia gal gets anyting to do mid dis troupe, yust count
+me out."
+
+George Washington Antonio Frazier, the town teamster, had been engaged
+by Alfred to transport the troupe and properties to and from the little
+red school-house. A good sleighing snow covering the ground, the
+teamster had provided a big bob-sled well filled with straw to keep the
+feet warm. The start was to be made at 1 o'clock.
+
+Alfred finally prevailed upon Lin to walk to the top of Town Hill and
+get in the sled there. He argued to her that she being the only woman in
+the party it would not look well for her to ride through town. Lin
+finally agreed to do as Alfred desired.
+
+Then came another embarrassment. Alfred's brother Joe insisted on going.
+He followed his elder brother up and down stairs crying all the while.
+Finally it was decided to take the little fellow along. Customs cling to
+a family the same as other entanglements. Alfred's little brother was
+handicapped with a crop of curls exact imitations of those that had so
+embittered the early days of Alfred's life.
+
+When the sled was loaded and all the troupe comfortably seated therein,
+it was discovered that the driver was not in sight. Alfred knew where to
+find him and was at his side in a moment. The old fellow was in the act
+of raising a large glass of whiskey to his lips as Alfred touched him on
+the arm and politely announced that the sled was loaded and all were
+waiting for the driver.
+
+Lowering his arm, with the liquor untouched in his hand, the driver
+began: "Look yer, young man. You agreed to give me four dollars to carry
+you out to Redstone School-house an' back. My team'll hev to be fed thur
+an' I'll hev to eat supper somewhar. Ye'll hev to pay up the money afore
+I move a dam foot."
+
+With this he raised the liquor to his lips and swallowed it with one
+gulp. The bar-room was crowded, as it usually was at that hour of the
+day. For a moment Alfred was confused; he did not possess one cent of
+money and it flashed through his mind that no one in the troupe would be
+likely to have any. For just one moment his heart started downwards; the
+eyes of all were upon him. Pulling himself together and straightening
+himself up to his full height, he said: "Mr. Frazier, I hired you to
+haul us to the school-house and return and insofar as your horse feed is
+concerned, that was not mentioned. I always intended you to eat supper
+with us at Eliza Eagle's. When you get back to town and complete your
+part of the bargain I will pay you, and not before."
+
+This speech caught the crowd and took the old teamster somewhat by
+surprise.
+
+"Wall, ef you'll put up the money with the landlord, I'll take ye out
+an' ef ye don't ye can hoof it," was the teamster's reply. Turning to
+the bar-tender, he said: "Give me a little more licker."
+
+The last demand of the teamster was not an unreasonable one and it would
+not look well to refuse it. Alfred hotly replied: "You'll get your money
+when you do your work; I would not put up five cents for you while you
+are drinking whiskey."
+
+This angered the old fellow. He sneeringly replied: "I pay fur my licker
+an' it's nun uf yer dam business how much I drink uf it."
+
+Through the window Alfred discerned a team and sled driving by. Rushing
+out he discovered that it was his Uncle Jack Craft. The two families
+were not on speaking terms and had not been for a long time.
+
+Alfred shouted: "Ho, Uncle! Ho, Uncle! Hold on; pull up, I want to see
+you."
+
+The uncle seemed more than glad to have Alfred approach him. He did not
+even wait to hear the whole of the story Alfred had to tell of Frazier's
+meanness. Driving his much larger and more stylish conveyance alongside
+Frazier's rig, the passengers and baggage were transferred before
+Frazier realized what had transpired. As he emerged from the hotel he
+was met with jeers from the troupe as they started off up the old pike,
+not so rapidly as Alfred and Uncle Joe once traversed it on Black Fan,
+but at a pace that put all in good humor.
+
+Alfred sat on the front seat holding his little brother and Charley
+Wagner's violin. It was not solicitude for the safety of the instrument
+that prompted him to persuade Wagner to permit him to hold it. He
+figured that if Wagner balked when Lin got in the sled at the top of the
+hill he would be better entrenched to argue with the obstinate leader
+with the violin in _his_ hands.
+
+When Lin hailed them by shouting: "How-dye, how's the minstrels?" all
+greeted her cordially. Alfred had his eye on the leader. While he was
+not as cordial in his greetings as the others, he smiled and returned
+Lin's salutations.
+
+Alfred explained jokingly that Lin came along to take care of little Joe
+and to help Lize Eagle out with the supper.
+
+The party was a merry one and everyone they met was the butt of their
+mirth. Old man Bedler at the toll gate passed the party free and wished
+Alfred all kinds of good luck. The old German's voice trembled and a
+tear rolled down his bronzed cheek as he shook hands with Alfred and
+said: "Good luck! Ef my poor Billy was only here he'd be with you."
+
+He referred to his only son who was drowned a few months previously.
+Alfred had assisted in recovering the body and the old toll-gate keeper
+had the kindliest feelings for him.
+
+It did not require long to arrange the stage and place the few
+properties. Lin was everywhere busy at all times.
+
+The widow Eagle's humble home was only a short distance from the
+school-house. Supper was called and Lin and Charley Wagner were seen
+coming from the school-house together joking and laughing. Lin had
+captivated the leader. Lin refused to sit at the first table, she
+declared she would wait and eat with Mrs. Eagle and Mary Emily, the
+daughter. Meanwhile, she busied herself waiting on the table. She was
+markedly attentive to the leader, filling his plate even when he
+protested that he had more than enough.
+
+The leader was an old bachelor. When he got the wishbone of the chicken
+all insisted that Lin and he pull it. When the leader got the short
+piece all laughed and joked him; all the party was jolly. No. There was
+one who was not, although he endeavored to conceal it by laughs and
+remarks. Lin knew that Alfred was nervous and worried. He was in doubt
+as to the receipts covering expenses; he was in doubt as to the show
+pleasing. In fact, he was suffering the tortures all have endured--who
+have a conscience--who ever produced a public entertainment.
+
+The curtain went up, or rather was pulled aside, on Alfred's first
+minstrel show. Seated in the semi-circle were Billy Storey, bones and
+stump speech; Amity Getter, interlocutor or middleman, vocalist and
+guitar player; the Acklin Brothers, vocalists; Billy Woods, flute and
+piccolo, guitar and vocalist; Charles Wagner, violin; Billy Hyatt, clog
+and jig dancer; Tommy White, clog and jig dancer, and Alfred, singer,
+dancer, comedian, stage manager, property man and superintendent of
+wardrobe.
+
+The little school-house was packed--sitting, standing and leaning room
+was all taken, even the window-sills were occupied.
+
+Lin, seated near the stage, was lost in amazement at the improvement in
+the troupe. Her head nodded and foot patted in time with the tunes with
+which she was familiar. When Storey and Alfred concluded their double
+song and dance, (this was a new number to Lin), she led the applause and
+hustled Uncle Jack back of the scenes requesting the boys repeat the
+number. Alfred had profited by reading the book Harrison had presented
+him.
+
+The song and music made a very great impression on Lin. Late and early
+you could hear her voice as she went about her work singing:
+
+    "I feel just as happy as a big sunflower,
+      that bows and bends in the breezes,
+    And my heart is as light as the winds that
+      blow the leaves from off the treeses"
+
+There was but one mishap that marred the evening's performance. The
+front curtain was run on rings, on a small, tight wire stretched across
+the entire width of the school house. The curtain that formed a
+background of the stage, and behind which the performers dressed, was
+much too heavy for the small nails with which it was secured. Someone
+pulled on the curtain and down it came. Alfred and one or two others
+were changing their costumes. Alfred with surprising nimbleness jumped
+into a large trunk, concealing himself so quickly that the audience
+caught sight of only his feet as he plunged head first into the trunk.
+The other two members were completely confused and ran into a corner
+turning their backs to the audience.
+
+[Illustration: Hatfield and Storey]
+
+Dr. John Davidson and Othey Brashears were seated in the front row,
+grabbed the curtain and held it head high until all were costumed. It
+was then replaced and the show went on.
+
+Lin, in commenting on what Alfred considered the most unfortunate
+accident that ever befell his show, said: "Well, ye jus couldn't call
+hit a back-set to the show, kase peepul laffed more about hit then
+anythin' else in the hull thing."
+
+When the last note of the walk around had died out, the audience
+remained seated, waiting for more, (printed programs were unknown in
+those days). Getty went before the curtain and announced that the show
+was over. The crowd began to disperse; the boys from town and some of
+the country folks forced their way behind the scenes to congratulate
+Alfred, all declaring that it was the best entertainment they had ever
+witnessed.
+
+One over-enthusiastic young fellow offered the leader two dollars to
+have fiddlers play for a dance; in fact many of the young folks desired
+to turn it into a dance. This seemed like desecration to Alfred and
+forever after he respected the dignified farmer, Washington Brashears,
+who, standing stately and tall, with the beard of a patriarch, in a
+voice mild but firm, said: "We have been entertained by our young friend
+and his companions in a way that it falls to the lot of but few to
+enjoy; only those in Filidelphy have the privilege of enjoying such
+exhibitions as we have enjoyed here tonight. As the chairman of the
+board of school directors, I can say that we permitted the use of this
+school-house for the entertainment. It is our only meeting house now,
+and there will be preaching here next Sunday evening, therefore we
+cannot permit dancing tonight."
+
+The nearly ice cold, spring water influenced Alfred to go home with the
+black on his face. The little party and belongings were soon loaded into
+the roomy sled. Bidding goodnight to the few friends who remained to see
+them off, they headed homeward.
+
+It was a happy party that sped along the old pike. Lin led in the
+singing of songs long since discarded by the minstrels. Even Uncle Jack
+entered into the jollity of the occasion. He was greatly elated over the
+success of the show.
+
+The spirited team was traveling much faster than safety demanded. At a
+turn in the road there was a treacherous, slippery place, the sled swung
+around sideways--skidded would explain the motion--one runner slipped
+over the edge of the bank, the sleigh turned upside down throwing out
+the cargo of human freight.
+
+Lin's scream could be heard half a mile. Alfred's only solicitude was
+for his brother Joe. Uncle Jack held on to the team which was released
+from the sled by the breaking of the pole. After the occupants
+extricated themselves it was found that the only serious damage suffered
+was the breaking of Amity Getty's fine guitar.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+It required the combined strength of all to right the sled and get it up
+the steep bank to the roadway. The tongue or pole was made fast to the
+sled with rope and the journey resumed. Up hill, all could ride; down
+hill all were compelled to walk and hold the sled off the heels of the
+horses, as the broken pole would not permit the team to hold back.
+
+It was two o'clock in the morning when the welcome lights of the town
+shone on the belated minstrels. Alfred was too tired and sleepy and the
+water too cold to wash the black off his face. He crept upstairs to the
+big room rarely occupied. Not answering the breakfast bell, Sister
+Lizzie was sent up to call him. One glance at the black face on the
+pillow sent her scampering down the stairs.
+
+"I believe brother Alfred has brought a darkey home with him. There's
+one in the big bed any way."
+
+This sent the father upstairs by bounds. Alfred was unceremoniously
+yanked out of bed and shoved down stairs. When he appeared in the
+kitchen such laughter as greeted him would have pleased him greatly the
+night before. Alfred explaining all the while that it was too cold to
+wash the black off his face the night before and that he couldn't get it
+off with cold water "no how."
+
+The father insisted that he go to the back yard and scrub his face with
+cold water as punishment for going to bed blacked up.
+
+To Lin's question as to how much he had made the night before Alfred
+gave evasive replies. Hastily eating his breakfast he was quickly on his
+way to Win Scott's home.
+
+Before he had proceeded far on his way he met his pal Scott on his way
+to Alfred's home. Alfred judged from the size of the audience that there
+was not only sufficient money in Win's hands to pay all obligations but
+also a handsome surplus. He was simply crushed to learn that the
+receipts amounted to just $16.75.
+
+Alfred felt that he would be everlastingly disgraced when he announced
+that he was not able to pay the debts incurred. The boys conferred long
+and earnestly. Win proposed that they pay Lin and Uncle Jack and then
+run off; go to the newly discovered oil country and make their fortunes.
+
+This proposition was rejected by Alfred. To go to the oil regions was a
+pet idea of the older boy and it was not long ere he left the old town
+to seek his fortune and Alfred never saw him afterwards.
+
+Alfred took the money. When he reached home he settled with Lin in full.
+Uncle Jack was handed his four dollars by Alfred with the air of a
+millionaire. After paying Lin and Uncle Jack, Alfred had $6.75 left,
+with debts to the amount of $31.75 pressing him, or they would be the
+next day.
+
+He retired to his room. He could plainly hear Lin describing and
+praising the performance. She dwelt at length on the high quality of
+the gathering, saying that all the best people in Red Stone section were
+there. When Lin wondered what Alfred would do next, now that he had
+money, Alfred felt like rushing from the house to seek his pal and flee
+to the oil regions.
+
+He opened the front door and walked out without any idea of where he was
+going. He walked aimlessly and found himself on Church Street where
+Sammy Steele overtook him on his way to church.
+
+The Reverend Kerr was pastor, the father of E. M. Kerr, afterwards noted
+in the minstrel profession as E. M. Kayne.
+
+When Mr. Steele asked Alfred if he were on his way to church, Alfred
+answered: "Yes." The two walked to the church together and home after
+the sermon was over. On the way the tanner described in detail the
+improvements he was making in his plant and invited Alfred to accompany
+him to the tannery to look over the work under way.
+
+In those days everybody ate dinner at high noon. Alfred was impatient at
+the seeming delay of Lin in serving the meal. Lin remarked: "Ye're jus
+like every man thet gits to makin' money, figity."
+
+Alfred arrived at the tannery long before the owner. The suction pumps
+and other labor saving devices were examined and explained to Alfred who
+pretended to be deeply interested. After all had been explained, they
+found themselves in the big finishing room where Alfred had passed so
+many pleasant days and evenings.
+
+The boy wished that he was back in the tannery free from the cares
+hanging over him. Finally, he looked his former employer full in the
+face and, in a voice full of earnestness, asked the big, dignified man
+for the loan of thirty dollars, promising to work it out night and day
+until it was paid in full.
+
+He dwelt at length on the shame that would come to him if he could not
+meet his obligations. "If you will help me out of this I will never
+forget you and you will never regret it," concluded Alfred.
+
+The straightforward man of business complimented Alfred for his anxiety
+to pay his debts, at the same time pointing out to him the danger of
+contracting debts he could not meet; that an honest man never had peace
+of mind when in debt; that a man was never as brave or useful to himself
+or family as when free of the haunting fear of losing his standing
+through debt.
+
+He told Alfred to meet him at 7 o'clock the next morning and he would
+give him his answer. After a sleepless night Alfred was at the tannery
+on time. Mr. Steele was there when he arrived and greeted him kindly.
+
+Noting Alfred's worried expression, he said: "There is no use worrying
+over affairs of this kind; the proper course is to steer clear of them,
+which I think you will do after this."
+
+Alfred assured him that he would be sure to do so. The tanner handed
+Alfred a paper, requesting him to read it carefully. Alfred could
+scarcely believe his eyes as he read:
+
+    "In consideration of $30 to me in hand paid, the receipt of
+    which is hereby acknowledged, I hereby agree to bind myself to
+    work for Samuel Steele for a period of two months, performing
+    such duties as he may direct...."
+
+Alfred studied a moment and said: "I do not mind any work you may put on
+me and I will work all day and part of the night, but if you would only
+let me have the money I can pay you back much sooner out of what I make
+at Hurd's. I want to get out of debt and you are the only person in the
+world I can go to. I don't want my folks to know of this."
+
+"Then you will not sign the paper?" questioned the tanner.
+
+"I don't like to and it don't seem hardly fair after the wages you paid
+me before. Give me a dollar a day and I'll sign it."
+
+Mr. Steele took the paper from Alfred's hand, tore it up and threw it
+into the open grate as he said: "My boy, I was only trying you. I wanted
+to show you how those in debt are in the power of anyone who is
+unscrupulous. If you had signed the paper I would not have had
+confidence in you. In fact, I did not intend to permit you to sign it if
+you had shown a willingness to do so. I will loan you the money and you
+can pay it back to me as you earn it, without interest. Settle with your
+creditors and keep out of debt. And furthermore, tell no one that I
+loaned you this money, and never borrow another dollar unless you see a
+way to pay it."
+
+The advice given Alfred by the old tanner has saved him heart aches and
+much money.
+
+All the outstanding bills were met. When the members of the troupe
+gathered at their room and the final statement laid before them there
+was deep silence for a moment. It was a commonwealth arrangement insofar
+as the profits were concerned, a one man concern as to the losses.
+However, none ever expected a deficiency, each expecting to get quite a
+little money for his share.
+
+The members of the troupe sympathized with Alfred. Charley Wagner, who
+was the only salaried member, consoled him thusly: "Yah, und ef you ever
+go to dot Redstone School-house mit your troupe again you'll git him all
+back." How many times Alfred has heard like statements since!
+
+Win Scott explained the small receipts and the large crowd. All the
+school directors and their families were to be admitted free. No tickets
+were used, the money was taken in at the door. When anyone appeared and
+said "school director" or "school director's family," Win passed them
+in. It was afterward learned that some of the directors had as many as
+thirty in their families the night of the show.
+
+Harry Harrison came forward at this critical period of the minstrel
+enterprise and took upon himself the management. Although Alfred had his
+misgivings, he was glad to be relieved of the responsibility and to
+have the concern continued.
+
+Not a line appeared in the _Clipper_ as to the first show but glowing
+accounts of what was to follow were printed weekly. Harrison prevailed
+upon the shoemaker to build a small stage in the room the troupe had
+rented for rehearsing purposes. Also to move a partition, giving the
+minstrels quite a large room which was provided with heat and light.
+
+The announcement was sent forth that the Evening Star Minstrels would
+give entertainments every Saturday night at McKernan's Hall, at Barefoot
+Square.
+
+Harrison gave no explanation as to why he changed the title of the
+company. Story was angry. Alfred was pleased, inwardly congratulating
+himself that future deficiencies would have to be made up by Harrison.
+
+The next Saturday night and the following Saturday night saw the little
+hall packed. And thus another pang of jealousy will be added to the
+heart of Bill Brown, that Brownsville enjoyed the distinction of a
+permanent minstrel hall while Pittsburg never had such an institution,
+traveling minstrel shows appearing there for only one or two nights in
+Masonic Hall.
+
+After several nights of big business several members of the troupe made
+inquiries as to the funds and their disposition. At first Harrison was
+very courteous and explained that the establishing and opening of the
+hall was expensive; that later on when well established, Jeffres Hall
+would be secured and nightly dividends would be paid.
+
+Charley Wagner, true to the traditions of history handed down from the
+days of Babylon, namely, that musicians are the first to stir discord,
+laid down his fiddle and bow and declared: "No more music until we get
+our money." It then developed that nothing had been paid in the way of
+salaries or other expenses since Harrison had assumed the management.
+
+At this juncture Harrison became insolvent. The landlord locked up the
+hall with all the belongings of the troupe nor would he release the
+goods until the rent was paid in full. Harrison was appealed to. He
+sneered at the impecunious minstrels and taunted them by saying: "Now go
+get your stuff out. If you all hadn't been so peart I'd seen you
+through."
+
+Each minstrel was compelled to pay his proportionate share of the amount
+due for rent and lights. His private property was then delivered to him
+by the sporting shoemaker.
+
+When he had collected the rent due him he sent for Harrison, escorted
+him into the deserted hall and demanded that he (Harrison) have the
+partition replaced in its original location. When Harrison angrily
+refused, the shoemaker proceeded to give him a drubbing.
+
+Harrison did not collect anything that week from those to whom he gave
+favorable mention in the paper as two black eyes compelled him to keep
+close to the office.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER ELEVEN
+
+    And I would learn to better show
+      My gratitude for favors had,
+    To see more of the good below
+      And less of what I think is bad.
+    To live not always in the day
+      To come, and count the joys to be,
+    But to remember, as I stray,
+      The past and what is brought to me.
+
+
+Lured by that feeling which impels the criminal to visit the scene of
+his crime, Alfred began a pilgrimage to the little red school-house.
+Walking along the old pike the sound of a horse's hoofs beating a tattoo
+on the road reached his ears. He recognized in the rider, Joe Thornton.
+
+The white pacing mare which Thornton bestrode had one of those peculiar
+high-lifting gaits, that, from the sound of the hoofs on the roadbed,
+caused one to imagine that she was going at a very rapid gait, while in
+fact she was not doing much more than pounding the road. Uncle Joe said
+of her: "She'd pace all day in the shade of a tree."
+
+When opposite Alfred, Mr. Thornton slowed up and made numerous inquiries
+as to the minstrel show, expressing regret that he was not able to
+attend; he intended going, having received an invitation from one of the
+school directors. He requested Alfred to advise him of the next
+performance; he would be there sure.
+
+Then, as if to make up for the few moments lost conversing with Alfred,
+he gave the mare the word and she pounded the pike more heavily than
+before. Alfred admired the big, handsome rider and the white mare; he
+longed to bestride her and kept his eyes on horse and rider as they
+traveled on before him.
+
+Alfred noticed a black looking object fall to the dusty pike. At the
+distance it seemed a large sized shoe. Alfred kept his eyes on the
+object as he neared the spot where it lay. Bending over he discovered a
+very large, black book. Picking it up he saw bills, money, more money
+than the boy had ever held in his hands before. He trembled as he turned
+over bill after bill.
+
+He had dreamed that he would be rich--some day in the far future--day
+dreams. His riches were always to come. They had come suddenly,
+unexpectedly. Mother would have a new cooking stove; Lin declared daily
+that the old stove would not bake on the bottom. Brother Joe would have
+toys and a sled, Sister Lizzie anything she wanted, Brother Will
+anything he needed, a melodeon for Lin. Sammy Steele would be paid with
+the same flourish with which Uncle Jack was paid. Harrison would be
+deposed, the minstrel troupe would go out, travel to distant parts and
+make money, more money than Alfred wanted; he would divide it with all
+his best friends, he would make all happy.
+
+With these thoughts flying through his mind he walked on in the
+direction the rider had gone. Suddenly realizing that the money was not
+his he cast a glance ahead, expecting every moment to see the rider
+returning post haste to claim the treasure.
+
+When he reached the lane leading off the pike to the Thornton house, he
+hesitated, opened the book again and looked at the money, turning over
+the neat layers of bills, fives in one section, tens in another,
+twenties in a third, legal looking papers in a fourth, tied about with a
+thin, red ribbon.
+
+He thought of concealing the book. No, he would hasten home and conceal
+the money in the cow stable. He was opposite the gate of the yard in
+which stood the big Thornton house. Should he enter?
+
+Alfred looked long and anxiously for the man on horseback; instead he
+noticed a proud looking, elderly lady walking about the flower beds. He
+nodded respectfully but the lady did not make a sign of recognition.
+
+However, in quite a loud voice he inquired if Mr. Thornton were at home.
+
+"Which Mr. Thornton? There are two Mr. Thorntons, Russell and Joseph."
+
+"Joseph Thornton," answered Alfred, "is the gentleman I am looking for."
+
+Alfred felt his importance. From down the lane toward the barn there
+came the sound of horse's hoofs clattering on the road. Alfred's ears
+told him that it was the white pacer.
+
+As the rider caught sight of Alfred he dismounted. Running toward the
+boy, his long beard flowing on either side of his neck, he began: "Mr.
+Hatfield, did you see--." Here Alfred held up the book to his view.
+
+As he fairly bounded forward, he grasped the book in one hand and threw
+an arm around Alfred. He exclaimed: "Where the h--ll did you find it?
+It's a good thing for me that you came out the pike; if almost anybody
+else had found it I'd never have gotten it back, that is the money; I
+never could have traced that. The papers could have been traced. No one
+who loses money ever gets it back."
+
+As the man turned the book over in his hand he inquired: "Did you open
+it?" Then a little ashamed of the question continued: "Of course you had
+to open it, otherwise you wouldn't have known to whom it belonged. Now
+see here Alfred, I want to do the right thing by you. I will call at
+your house tonight. I want to meet your mother; your father I am well
+acquainted with. Your Uncle Will has told me that he is too hard on you
+and you're a dam nice boy and you ought to be treated right."
+
+At this insinuation Alfred fired up. "My father always treats me right,
+but I've been a pretty bad boy. He has his notions and I've got mine. He
+never hits a lick amiss. He never hurts me when he does whip me. It's
+always a big laugh to me. He's the kindest pap in Brownsville."
+
+"Oh, you did not understand me. I did not mean to say that your father
+whipped you. I heard that he did not give you credit for your--your,
+that he--he--er hampered you in your--your--er--."
+
+"Oh, I understand pap," interrupted Alfred, "he's all right, we get
+along all right."
+
+Then Mr. Thornton made inquiries as to where Alfred was going. When the
+boy informed him, he said: "That's too far to walk; come on out to the
+stable, I'll loan you a horse. You can ride him home and I will get him
+tonight."
+
+They walked toward the white mare. Alfred asked what kind of a saddler
+she was. "Good," answered the man, "would you like to try her?"
+
+"Why, yes, if it's all the same to you."
+
+By this time Alfred was shortening the stirrup straps to the length of
+his limbs as measured by his arms. Alfred's thinking gear was working
+faster than the white mare's hoofs ever pounded the earth. As he was
+about to mount he said: "Mr. Thornton, I'll bring this mare home. I
+don't want to trouble you to call at our house."
+
+[Illustration: Joe Thornton and Alfred]
+
+"Why? I want to see your parents and I want to reward you."
+
+Alfred, sitting on the horse's back, leaned far over toward the man and
+detailed the sad results of his first venture in minstrelsy.
+
+"Whatever you give me will be applied on the payment of my debts. If our
+folks know that you gave me money they'll want to know what I did with
+it."
+
+The man grasped the situation, but informed Alfred the money in the book
+belonged to his mother. He had withdrawn it from the bank to pay a note.
+He would help Alfred out but must go to town before he could do so.
+
+"From whom did you borrow money," asked Mr. Thornton.
+
+Alfred hesitated and said: "Well, there's where I made another promise
+not to tell, but I'm going to tell you, I borrowed it from Sammy
+Steele."
+
+"Well, I'll be damned if you ain't a good one. Why, Sammy Steele is the
+tightest man in Brownsville. How did you come to go to him?"
+
+Alfred explained all. Mr. Thornton insisted that he ride the white mare
+home, adding that he would get her that night. Alfred rode off, visiting
+not only the school-house but many old friends. He arrived home as it
+was growing dark.
+
+Entering the house he found Mr. Thornton there; he had told the family
+all. He informed Alfred that he had left an order on Jake Walters, the
+town tailor, for a suit of clothes, the material to be selected by the
+bearer.
+
+While the clothes were more than acceptable, Alfred was disappointed. He
+feared he would not be in a position to pay the Sammy Steele note,
+although he was bending every energy, even dunning Harrison for the
+fifty cents loaned him at their first meeting.
+
+The next week's issue of the _Brownsville Clipper_ contained a lengthy
+article, as follows:
+
+    "One of Fayette County's most prominent citizens lost a
+    pocket-book containing a large amount of money and valuable
+    papers. The book was lost on the old pike somewhere between the
+    borough line and Thornton's lane. Fortunately for the loser, one
+    of the CLIPPER'S most trusted employes traveling on the pike,
+    found the valuable book. The finder is one who has been trained
+    under the vigilant eye of the editor of this valuable paper.
+    Through the influence of the editor of this paper the money was
+    returned to the owner in less than one hour after its loss was
+    discovered. The finder was suitably rewarded and will soon be
+    advanced to a more lucrative position on this paper."
+
+Harrison, in addition to his promised reforms in the editorial columns
+of the paper, introduced innovations in the advertising department. The
+_Pittsburg Gazette_ was the only daily paper on the _Clipper's_ exchange
+list--this fact compels the admission that Pittsburg was a little ahead
+of Brownsville in the newspaper field, boasting two papers at the time,
+the _Gazette_ and _Post_. Both papers carried display advertisements of
+Hostetter's Stomach Bitters and Dr. Jayne's Liver Pills for grown people
+and vermifuge for children. Those were the only patent medicines that
+advertised at that time.
+
+Harrison, in his illuminating way, wrote to the concerns soliciting
+advertising. Dr. Jayne's representative wrote, requesting the weekly
+circulation of the _Clipper_ and the localities wherein it was
+circulated.
+
+Harrison answered giving advertising rates, with unlimited reading
+notices and concluded his letter by advising that "the _Brownsville
+Clipper_ goes to Greene, Washington, Westmoreland and Bedford Counties;
+it goes to Pittsburg, Cumberland and Washington, and before I took hold
+of it the owner had all he could do to keep it from going to h--ll."
+
+Something in Harrison's letters appealed to the medicine men as
+advertisements were secured from both the concerns. In conformity with
+the custom of the times, part payment for advertising was to be taken in
+trade. Big boxes containing bottles of the stomach bitters, smaller
+boxes containing pills and vermifuge were received. Small quantities of
+both medicines were, with a great deal of persuasion, exchanged with
+country stores for farm products. After the first effort none of the
+bitters were offered for sale or trade insofar as the _Clipper's_ supply
+was concerned.
+
+Like the farmer who endeavored to sell the tanner the murn hide,
+Harrison had found a market for the bitters at home. They contained
+about 60% alcohol, therefore it was a panacea for all ills that
+Harrison was afflicted with, and he had many. The bitters were a pill
+for every ill.
+
+That was a hard winter. Sugar crackers, Scotch herring and cheese were
+Harrison's principal food and a few of the liver pills were used, but
+the vermifuge stood on the shelves in the press room covered with dust.
+Mr. Hurd ordered Alfred to get rid of it even if he had to give it away;
+not to destroy it; if he could not sell it to give it to the subscribers
+to the paper with the compliments of the editor. Alfred covered his
+route with renewed vigor, a bundle of papers under his arm and both coat
+pockets filled with pills.
+
+Alfred was personally acquainted with nearly every family in the town;
+he was familiar with the habits and health of all the boys.
+
+Red haws, green apples, may apples, green chestnuts, in fact, everything
+that grows which boys devour more greedily before than after maturity,
+were plentiful in the country around Brownsville.
+
+Alfred did a fine business for a time. The paper was published only
+weekly and Alfred was ordered by Mr. Hurd to dispense the medicine only
+when the paper was delivered. Alfred was doing so well that he intimated
+to Harrison that the paper should be semi-weekly, at least. Alfred was
+receiving a commission on all pills he sold.
+
+Alfred looked over the medicine stock; about the only thing in stock was
+liver pills. There were large quantities of liver pills lying on the
+shelves. Alfred figured that the pills would do Johnny's cow no harm and
+possibly might help her, as the cow was very sick.
+
+Alfred did not wait until the paper was printed as the case was an
+urgent one. He made a special call, carrying nearly a pint of the liver
+pills in a paper collar box. (Harrison always wore paper collars and a
+dicky.)
+
+Alfred assured Johnny that the pills were specially prepared for just
+such disorders as his cow was afflicted with. There was some question
+as to the number of pills that constituted a dose for a cow. As the
+printed directions gave no information on the matter, Alfred thought a
+teacupful of the pellets would be about right.
+
+It required a great deal of hard labor on the part of both Alfred and
+the owner to compel the cow to swallow the pills. However, a goodly part
+of the cupful of pills was administered to her.
+
+At first the cow appeared a great deal worse and her owner feared she
+would die. Squire Rowley, the best cow doctor in the neighborhood, was
+sent for. He administered blackberry tea and other astringents and the
+cow recovered.
+
+[Illustration: "A Cow's Dose Is a Teacupful"]
+
+When Lin heard that the boys were addressing Alfred as "Doctor," usually
+prefixing the title with the word "Cow," she said: "They needn't try to
+plague Alfurd, caus' it wus a durn good joke an' besides it cured the
+cow and it wus about time Hurd's paper done somethin' good."
+
+Alfred had saved sufficient money to cancel the note of Sammy Steele.
+With a light step he ran up the stairs leading from the street into the
+large finishing room. Greeting all cheerily he inquired for the boss.
+Mr. Steele entered.
+
+Looking curiously at Alfred, with a twinkle in his eye, the old tanner
+remarked dryly: "Hurd--Mr. Hurd--Mr. Hurd--must be gettin' mightily
+pushed when he starts his hands to peddling pills."
+
+Mr. Steele's remark made the boy redden and he mumbled something about
+the pills being received in trade and had to be sold by somebody.
+
+The tanner laughingly continued: "I expected to see Johnny McCan coming
+in with a murn hide. How many of Hurd's pills constitute a dose for a
+cow?"
+
+Cooney Brashear added to the jollity by suggesting that Alfred "give
+Sammy's mewel a dose the next time he kicks you." This reference to the
+"mewel" was only a reverberation of the town talk as Lin had predicted.
+In fact, the reference to the "mewel" kicking Alfred became, and is
+still, a by-word in the old town.
+
+Mr. Steele, to the surprise of Alfred, refused to count the dollars and
+dimes he poured from the old leather purse on the desk. Instead the man
+bid the boy "keep the money until the note was due, then bring it here,
+not a day before nor a day after. If you think you are going to die,
+leave directions to pay the debt. The man who pays beforehand shows
+himself a weakling, he is afraid of himself, he is afraid he cannot hold
+the money. He usually spends his money before he earns it."
+
+It was a great day for Brownsville and the leading journal of the town,
+the _Brownsville Clipper_. Two circuses were headed for the town;
+Rosston, Springer & Henderson's and Thayer & Noyse Great American
+Circus.
+
+The agent of the first named show was first in, Andy Springer, "Old
+Rough Head." The agent was aware of the coming opposition although he
+never mentioned it. His contract for advertising space in the _Clipper_
+had a clause to the effect that no other circus advertising or reading
+matter should appear in the columns of the great family paper prior to
+the date of the exhibition of the R. S. & H. aggregation.
+
+Harrison made this "slick contract" as he termed it. He charged the
+circus man double the usual advertising rates, working the agent for
+unlimited free tickets. The genteel word "complimentary" had not become
+associated with show tickets as yet.
+
+In making up the free list Harrison was as liberal to the families of
+the force as the school directors had been on the occasion of Alfred's
+exhibition. The editor and owner's family received sixteen free tickets;
+there were five in his family all told. The managing-editor, Harrison,
+and his family received fifteen free tickets. He distributed all of his
+tickets within two hours after they were counted out to him. (In those
+days the agent distributed the tickets, not by an order on the show as
+now.)
+
+Harrison sought the circus agent at the hotel explaining that since he
+received the tickets he had consulted his family and they desired to go
+to the show twice, afternoon and night. The agent, knowing that there
+was opposition in sight, stood for the hold-up and Harrison celebrated
+most gloriously the next few days, with free tickets to the circus.
+
+The foreman of the composing room was to have ten tickets. He was a poor
+man, Harrison advised, and had a lot of children. The circus wouldn't
+lose anything as they would not pay to go nohow.
+
+The pressman and his family were to receive ten free tickets. The devil,
+Alfred, was to receive six free tickets. He managed to get two that
+Harrison carelessly dropped while changing his clothes.
+
+Scarcely had the first agent cleared the town before Charley Stowe,
+agent for Thayer & Noyse arrived, brisk, bright and beaming. Entering
+the _Clipper_ office he found Alfred the only person in. Mr. Stowe was
+very gracious. He won the boy to his side ere he had conversed with him
+five minutes.
+
+The agent was in a great hurry, he desired to get to Pittsburgh at
+once--most agents are in a great hurry to get into a big city from a
+small town. Alfred informed the agent that he did not know where
+Harrison could be found. "Please sit down and look over our paper," said
+Alfred, and he left to seek Harrison, who was diligently distributing
+circus tickets and judging from his condition, getting value received.
+
+Alfred was almost overcome with the thought of two circuses coming to
+town. He imparted the information to everyone whom he met who was
+interested enough to listen. Another circus coming, bigger and better
+than the first one, was Alfred's guarantee. He was prompted to this
+through the fact that the newly arrived agent had been courteous to him.
+Probably the twenty-five cents and two free tickets had something to do
+with Alfred's leaning towards the second show.
+
+Harrison was finally located at Bill Wyatt's, a place he had not
+frequented in a long time as the slate bore figures that had been
+written on it about the date Harrison struck the town. Harrison had
+partially squared the score with circus tickets. Harrison was just able
+to walk with Alfred's assistance. As they wobbled down wide Market
+Street Alfred imagined the man in a mood to be approached. He reminded
+Harrison of the half dollar long over due, and obligingly offered to
+take it out in circus tickets.
+
+Harrison scorned the proposition. Straightening himself up he endeavored
+to push Alfred aside as he proudly exclaimed: "I don't want you to take
+anything out in circus tickets. I'll pay cash after the circus."
+
+It required all of Alfred's powers to make Harrison understand that
+there was another circus agent in town, another circus coming. Harrison
+persisted in the belief that it was the same agent with whom he had done
+business.
+
+Stowe meanwhile, as all intelligent agents do, had gone to headquarters.
+As Alfred, with his tow, entered the office, the owner of the paper
+turned on the managing editor, foreman of the composing room, etc., and
+let loose a tirade of abuse such as Alfred had never heard the like of
+before:
+
+[Illustration: "Put Up Your Things and Git!"]
+
+"You damned little shriveled up, whiskey soaked, tobacco smoked,
+copperhead. What in hell do you mean by making a contract like this for
+my paper? I'll cram it down your jaundiced jaws, you whelp of hell,
+you!" And the rage of Hurd, who was a very large, fat man, caused his
+face to turn purple. "Pack up your things and git, or I'll slap you into
+the bowels of the jail. I know enough about you and your record on that
+traitor sheet, (he referred to the opposition paper, the _Genius of
+Liberty_), to have you and all connected with it sent to Johnson's
+Island. Git out of yere!" yelled Hurd.
+
+Harrison pulled away from Alfred and in the effort fell partially over a
+settee as he sputtered out: "I'm a gemptman, what-smatter with Hanner."
+He intended to use the cant phrase, "That's what's the matter with
+Hannah."
+
+Hurd shook a purplish looking bit of paper in Harrison's face: "What do
+you mean, you shrimp, by entering into a contract to the effect that no
+other circus can use my paper?"
+
+Harrison attempted to look indignant but he was a bad actor, he could
+only look drunk. On this occasion he could not dissemble. His effort to
+do so only made him appear more drunken.
+
+"I'm--a--man--of--h-honor--I'll stan'--by--anythin' I do." Here Harrison
+fell down, full length on the settee, muttering and shaking his fist at
+Hurd.
+
+"Get him out of this house!" was Hurd's order to Alfred.
+
+Alfred pulled and pushed Harrison to the bottom of the stairs leading up
+to his room. Harrison fell on all fours and began a slow ascent of the
+stairs, Alfred pushing him as he had seen deck hands shove refractory
+cattle when loading them on a boat.
+
+He returned to the room. Hurd was very crusty. He hinted that Alfred
+should not have permitted the first circus agent to induce Harrison to
+sign the shut-out contract.
+
+Stowe, the circus agent, further endeared himself to Alfred when he
+informed Mr. Hurd that Alfred should not be blamed.
+
+Alfred, in the brief interview between the second agent and himself, had
+informed him as to the contract made by the first agent, the price
+charged for advertising, the free tickets extorted and other information
+that was valuable.
+
+The agent was very diplomatic. He began by calming Hurd: "Now, Mr. Hurd,
+I know the value of your paper to us, I know you to be a man of honor,
+and I would not offend you by even insinuating that you could find a
+way to carry our advertising and reading matter as I know you would not
+violate the contract made with the other concern, although it is evident
+that contract was obtained by fraud. There is only one way around this;"
+here the circus agent placed his hand on the shoulder of the big editor,
+"we will have to get out an extra edition, their advertising and reading
+matter to go in the regular edition, mine in the extra."
+
+The editor beamed on the agent, the beam expressing more strongly than
+any words: "You're a daisy--but, but," stammered Hurd, "we haven't got
+matter enough for our regular edition. I've been working all morning;
+Harrison's been drunk all week an'--"
+
+"Never mind," interrupted the agent, "don't you worry, let me do the
+work and the worrying also. Where can we get a little something to clear
+the cobwebs out of our tonsils?" And they left the office arm in arm,
+but not until the circus agent had asked Alfred if he knew where all the
+office force could be found. Alfred answered "No, sir." And he was
+truthful; as he was not certain whether he was on the stairs, on the
+landing, at the top of the stairs or had rolled back to the bottom.
+
+When the agent ordered Alfred to get the office force together and
+inform them that they would have to work all night but would be paid
+double time, Alfred ran upstairs, as was his custom, four steps at each
+bound. Harrison was not on the stairs nor at the top landing. Running
+into the press room, Alfred found Harrison sitting in the coal box,
+sleeping soundly.
+
+After vain efforts to arouse him, Alfred hastened to the residence of
+Bill Smith who had once worked on the paper. Cal Wyatt had also served
+some time setting type, and Baggy Allison was notified to repair to the
+office instanter.
+
+All were on hand when the circus man returned. Cal Wyatt, advised Alfred
+to fill Harrison's mouth with salt, that it was a never failing remedy.
+It did bring Harrison partly around, just enough to make him a pest, in
+the way of all with both person and talk. He slobbered over copy and
+case, hiccoughed, cursed Alfred for trying to doctor him; informing
+Alfred that he wanted no "dam cow doctor to fool with him."
+
+Stowe, the circus agent, laughed until his sides ached. He was informed
+by the others that Alfred was a great minstrel and he volunteered to
+find him a place with some first class minstrel organization the coming
+winter. Stowe played the banjo and carried the instrument with him. All
+the local minstrel band were introduced to him. He played and sang with
+them and within twenty-four hours he owned the town, including the
+printing office.
+
+The type-setters did not have to wait for copy; Stowe had quantities.
+The printers were not compelled to decipher the peculiarities of
+anyone's handwriting; Stowe's copy was printed and punctuated.
+
+Such copy had never been worked from in the office before. Of course all
+the agent's copy treated of Thayer & Noyse Great Circus.
+
+Harrison got to himself finally. He could make himself very agreeable
+when he so desired.
+
+Hurd insisted that there should be other matter written up. In this
+Stowe acquiesced. He scribbled off political, local and other matter at
+a rapid rate, nor did he stop there. He gave the contract to Isaac Vance
+of the Marshall House to feed all people and stock with the circus.
+There were no stable tents in those days nor did anyone stop on the lot.
+Canvassmen, hostlers and actors--all in the hotels. Vance got a big
+contract; Stowe secured a half column advertisement for the paper, as he
+did from several others.
+
+The extra appeared, at first glance, as fat as the regular edition. When
+Baggy Allison tired, Stowe worked the press. He rolled, folded and fed
+until the extra edition was off the press and ready for distribution.
+
+Among his printed matter was a quarter sheet, with the portraits of
+Thayer and Noyse, and a small amount of reading matter printed on one
+side only. He dug up a can of red ink from some unexplored recess where
+it had lain since the presidential campaign of 1860. He had three or
+four funny mule cuts. He wrote a funny line or two, made a rude cut
+resembling Hurd, informing the public that Hurd would ride the trick
+mule circus day. This bill was printed without the knowledge of Hurd. It
+was folded in the extra and thus distributed.
+
+This fact makes valid Alfred's claim of another honor for Brownsville,
+namely: that the _Brownsville Clipper_ was the first paper in this
+country to issue a colored supplement. Of course the word "supplement"
+was not in a newspaper's vocabulary at that time.
+
+Another merit this supplement possessed, it was really humorous, and the
+humor was apparent, even to the people of that day, and that is more
+than the colored supplements of today can lay claim to.
+
+Charley Stowe was not only the prime mover in all that pertained to the
+issuance of the extra but he hired a horse and buggy and a boy to assist
+Alfred in its distribution.
+
+Brownsville was advertised as it had never been before. Charley Stowe
+following a precedent established by the first agent that ever traveled
+ahead of a show, promised many persons to return to Brownsville the day
+of the show. And, unlike the first agent and almost all agents in all
+times since, he kept his promise and came back.
+
+It was a great day for Brownsville, it was a great day for Thayer and
+Noyse, it was a great day for Alfred. Charley Stowe had another faculty,
+shy in most agents, memory. He remembered the editor and the office
+force, particularly the latter. He gave Alfred his first sight of the
+inner sanctorum of the show world, namely, the dressing rooms. He
+introduced him to big, good-natured Dr. Thayer, to natty little Charley
+Noyse, to the elder Stickney and his talented son Bob, to J. M. Kelly,
+the long distance single somersault leaper, to little Jimmy Reynolds,
+the clown, to Mrs. Thayer and her charming daughter. It was the
+unfolding of the scenes of another world to the lad. His recollection of
+that day is as of a night of enchantment.
+
+The circus had a very sick horse, a beautifully marked mare, sorrel and
+snow white with glass eyes, as they are termed. The beautiful creature
+was housed in the stable of the Marshall House. The animal was evidently
+one of value to the circus folk as many of them visited the stable; all
+seemed anxious as to the mare's recovery. After the afternoon
+performance, Dr. Thayer, his wife and daughter were in the stable
+administering to the sick horse. The circus man was completing
+arrangements to have the tavern keeper care for the mare and send her on
+to the show, if she were able to travel by the time the company reached
+Uniontown.
+
+Isaac Vance assured the circus people that everything possible would be
+done for the mare, and turning to Alfred, laying both hands on the boy's
+shoulders, facing him toward Mr. Thayer, said: "And here's the lad who
+will take your mare to Uniontown. He can ride any horse or mule you
+have. You should have this boy with your show, he is an actor right. Our
+people swear by him, he can beat anything you have in the nigger
+minstrel line."
+
+Then Alfred, with a freshness born of ignorance, said: "Yes, Mr. Thayer,
+you have a fine circus but your minstrels ain't much, not as good as
+those with Van Amberg's Menagerie, and everybody says so."
+
+Mr. Thayer and his wife both seemed greatly amused at the frankness of
+the boy. The showman quizzed Alfred as to what he could do in the
+concert. Alfred, as all other "rube" amateurs have done and always will
+do, wanted to engage to give the entire concert. Thayer had more
+patience then than Alfred has now as he listened to the boastful
+assumptions of the boy.
+
+Finally he said: "If you will get a letter from your father granting me
+permission to employ you, I will give you the opportunity of your life,
+but do not come to me without the permission of your parents, as our
+show does not employ minors. It's against the law."
+
+It was further arranged that Alfred should take the Lilly mare to
+Uniontown the day the show exhibited there. Mrs. Thayer led Alfred to
+one side and, pressing two dollars into his hand, charged him to visit
+the sick horse several times daily, and no matter if those in charge
+asserted that they had given her sufficient water, Alfred was to offer
+the animal drink. She so charged the stable man, stuttering Hughey
+Boggs.
+
+After the night show Alfred called at the stable. The mare seemed very
+sick. He offered her water which she refused; he felt of her ears, they
+were cold; he stroked her satin-like coat; she opened her eyes and
+appeared almost human to Alfred as he petted her.
+
+Arriving at home he went to his mother's room and gave her a detailed
+account of the day's doings, not forgetting the sick horse or the
+arrangements made by Mr. Vance for him to deliver the mare to the show
+folk in Uniontown.
+
+Alfred had been careful not to reveal any of that part of the
+conversation touching on the offer of the big showman to employ him
+providing he could obtain the father's written consent. Somehow the
+mother's fears were aroused, she felt that there was more behind the
+delivery of the mare than was revealed and she strongly objected to the
+arrangement.
+
+The mother communicated her fears to Lin and that worthy was quite
+ingenious in quizzing the boy. She questioned Alfred as to his
+intentions. "I tole yer mother ye wouldn't run off with thet ole show
+while yer pap wus away from hum. Mary sed 'They mout coax ye off.' Did
+they coax ye? Did they offer to gin ye a job?" And she looked at Alfred
+very hard and earnestly.
+
+Alfred had been revolving in his mind a plan that included having Daniel
+Livingstone forge a letter signing Alfred's father's name to it,
+granting the boy permission to join the show. Alfred felt very guilty
+and hung his head when Lin's questions grew pointed.
+
+Alfred was giving the sick show horse all the attention promised and
+even more. The second day following the mare died. Notwithstanding, all
+seemed to sympathize with Alfred, who had become greatly attached to the
+beautiful horse, it was apparent that all were greatly relieved that
+Alfred had been released from the agreement to deliver the mare to the
+circus folk.
+
+Alfred wrote Mrs. Thayer a long letter, giving the particulars
+concerning the death of her pet, to which he received a prompt reply,
+ending with a standing invitation to visit them at any time, either
+while they were traveling or at their home.
+
+The boy was very proud of this letter and read it to all his friends.
+Lin, in commenting on the death of the mare quoted Scripture, after her
+own interpretation: "The Lord gins us an' the Lord takes hosses es well
+es peepul. Uv cos ye kin buy hosses ef ye got money but ye can't buy
+peepul. Ef ye'd run off with a show an' dide, w--, ye--"
+
+Here Lin stuck. She could not find words to complete the sentence; but
+after a moment's pause, she continued: "The'd not miss ye es much es
+the' will thet hoss. Bet we'd miss ye every--time--we sot--up
+to--a--meal."
+
+In the vernacular of the show profession of today, Rosston, Springer &
+Henderson took up the stand and did not appear in Brownsville. They were
+advertised to play in Pittsburg.
+
+Mr. Hurd sent Alfred to Pittsburg to collect the newspaper advertising
+bill. Harrison was having his troubles with those to whom he had sold
+tickets. The holders of tickets held Harrison personally responsible for
+the non-appearance of the circus. Since the day Frank McKernan had
+pummelled Harrison, various and divers persons had been threatening him
+with similar treatment. Harrison staved off hostilities by promising to
+have the tickets redeemed when Alfred collected the paper's indebtedness
+from the circus.
+
+The circus had no band wagon. The musicians were mounted on horses. This
+was all there was of the parade. Alfred has since learned that this
+feature was introduced into the circus as an expediency. G. G. Grady, an
+impecunious circus proprietor, found his colossal aggregation without a
+band wagon and no funds to purchase one. He hit upon the idea of
+mounting his band on horses. The innovation was heralded as a feature
+and to this day circuses advertise the mounted band as a novelty of the
+"highway, holiday parade."
+
+John Robinson's circus boasted a steam calliope, which dispensed "biled
+music." Grady, not strong enough financially to annex a calliope,
+altered an old animal cage that resembled the exterior of a calliope. He
+installed a very large and loud hand organ inside the imitation calliope
+wagon, with a stovepipe poking out of the top, plenty of damp straw
+inside, a man to feed and burn it. In a stove inside, the volumes of
+smoke issuing from the stovepipe, a strong man turning the hand organ,
+the greatly improved steam calliope was calculated to astonish the
+public. If the music were not so vociferous as that his rival's
+instrument sent forth, it must be admitted that Grady's was more tuneful
+and therefore less objectionable.
+
+Grady's steam piano came to an untimely end almost before its career
+began. The man inside the calliope, the fireman, was too industrious. He
+filled the stove with damp straw, poured kerosene oil over it and
+applied a match. The parade was in the midst of the public square, in
+Canton, Ohio. Thousands had congregated to witness it. The whole
+interior of the calliope was ablaze, smoke issuing from every crack and
+crevice. The show people grasping the situation, broke open the back
+door. The damp straw, the old stove, the two men and the hand organ were
+dragged from the smoking wagon. Grady's attempt to rival John Robinson
+was the joke of the circus world.
+
+Alfred had quite a little difficulty in collecting the printing bill,
+which was grudgingly paid him.
+
+The circus people tore up Harrison's order for payment for the tickets
+given. The treasurer said something about the paper being a "wolf."
+
+When Alfred returned Harrison endeavored to spread the impression by
+insinuations that he had collected for the tickets and not made returns
+to him as yet. He was cornered, it was his only way to square himself
+with those who were pressing him for a settlement. Although Alfred knew
+full well that Harrison did not intend to injure him, the reports became
+so annoying and the insinuations so galling that Alfred took Harrison to
+account.
+
+Harrison flew into a rage and threw a small shovel at Alfred. Things got
+lively for Harrison in a moment. No telling where it would have ended
+had not the entire Hurd family rushed into the room and separated the
+combatants. Harrison was much the worse for the encounter. To drown his
+grief he started the rounds but Jim Bench, the town watchman, locked him
+up. When he sobered up he shook the dust of Brownsville from his feet
+forever more.
+
+Years afterward Alfred met Harrison in a far western city, leading the
+same life.
+
+The mother entreated Alfred to forever give up the idea of becoming a
+newspaper man. She had cherished the hope that the boy would yet turn to
+the study of medicine. Old Doctor Playford, Bob's father, informed
+Alfred's uncle that if the boy were so inclined he would take him into
+his office and see what there was _in him_.
+
+The Doctor had three good horses, his son Bob had a large pack of
+hounds. Alfred's duties did not keep him in the office very steadily. He
+was on horseback a greater part of the time, by day delivering medicine,
+by night fox or coon hunting.
+
+It was a part of Alfred's work to compound medicines in the small
+laboratory in the doctor's residence. A copy of materia-medica and a
+Latin dictionary were the only guides to the beginner of a medical
+career in those days. There were no prescriptions sent to the drug
+store, every doctor filled his own prescriptions. Alfred became very
+quick at compounding prescriptions.
+
+A dose of medicine was prepared for Mr. Hare. This particular dose of
+medicine did not have the effect the doctor desired, or rather, it had
+more effect than the doctor or Hare desired.
+
+The old doctor was a very resolute man, fiery and game, nearly everyone
+feared him. Bob, his son, was one of the few who dared brave the old
+doctor's wrath. The young doctor espoused Alfred's cause when his father
+charged Alfred with carelessness. Bob swore that old Hare was a
+notorious liar and that it was not the medicine that made him so sick.
+
+The old doctor was very practical, therefore a successful practitioner.
+Alfred protested that he had prepared the medicine for Hare as per the
+formula furnished him. Some time after the above argument Alfred was
+summoned to the doctor's room. Holding in one hand a glass of water, the
+doctor handed Alfred a lump of darkish color, ordering the boy to
+swallow it. Alfred mechanically swallowed the lump, the doctor handing
+him the water to take the taste out of his mouth.
+
+As Alfred drank, the doctor, with a humorous glance, ordered him to hang
+around until he could determine the effects of the medicine. "It's the
+same dose you fixed for Hare. I'll see whether Hare lied or not."
+
+Alfred had a keen sense of the ridiculous. He had swallowed the pill ere
+he realized what he was doing and knew full well he would be dreadfully
+ill, yet he laughed immoderately.
+
+"Ef Hare suffered more than Alfurd, he sure wus sick," was Lin's
+comment. "No, Alfurd wus not sacked by the ole doctur, he jus naturally
+did not like doctorin'."
+
+Mr. Todd replied: "I dunno nuthin' 'bout it, only what I've heard. They
+do say thet since Alfred nearly pizened Mr. Hare, most of Doctor
+Playford's patients has gone to Doctor Jackson. Folks is jus naturally
+afeared to doctor with Playford since they found out Alfred mixes the
+medicine. John McCune's two children, ole Lige Custer an' Dave Phillips
+wus all took sick jus like ole Hare an' nobody but Alfred ever mixed the
+medicine they took. You know it takes a man thet's hed practus to mix
+medicines an' Alfred ain't hed no chance to learn."
+
+Lin contended that Alfred hed plenty of practice. "He mixed paint in his
+Pap's shop an' he mixed ink in the printin' offis an' Lord, he could
+certinly mix a few squills an' a little castor ile an' sich, that's all
+Playford ever gives. Alfurd cud a kep on doctorin' ef he'd wanted to,
+but the ole doctor sed when he took him thet he would see what wus _in
+him_, an' I s'pose he did."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER TWELVE
+
+    A man may be defeated
+      Half a score of times or more,
+    His prospects may be darkened
+      And his heart be bruised and sore;
+    But let him smile triumphantly--
+      And call Misfortune's bluff.
+    For no man's ever conquered
+      Till he says: "I've got enough?"
+
+
+Hans Christian Andersen, the famous Danish poet, says: "The life of
+every man is a fairy tale written by God's finger." Carlyle says: "No
+life of a man faithfully recorded but is a heroic poem."
+
+With all the advice and experience one can acquire or have thrust upon
+him it is passing strange how easy it is to go wrong in this world. It
+forces one almost to the belief of him who wrote: "The aim is the man's,
+the end is none of his own." Someone has said that the only guide a man
+requires in this world is to side-step wrong doing. But like many prize
+fighters, some of us are deficient in foot work.
+
+If life is a mission and any other definition of it is false and
+misleading, fate has certainly picked out some men as the hammer and
+others as the anvil, some men for door-mats and others for those who
+walk thereon.
+
+Alfred claimed to have an aim in life but his entire family and a
+township of relatives differed with him. Alfred's most ardent apologist
+was compelled to admit that even though he was exerting himself greatly
+to hold his course he was drifting.
+
+The minstrels were back in the old quarters, Frank McKernan's shoe-shop,
+rehearsing nightly.
+
+At this time there came a proposition from a man of the town who had
+recently failed in business. It is a peculiarity of human nature or the
+fore ordination of fate that when a man fails in a commercial business
+he engages in show business or life insurance. If he be not mentally
+equipped to carry to success the business in which he failed, he
+generally engages in a business that requires ability of a higher order
+than that in which he was unsuccessful.
+
+And so it was of the man who entered into an agreement to finance the
+minstrels. He possessed a little money and a mother who was well
+supplied with it. He spent money liberally in equipping the minstrels
+for their first road venture. All preparations were quietly consummated
+by order of Mr. Eli, as that gentleman had numerous creditors whose
+feelings would have been terribly lacerated had they known that he was
+soon to take himself away from them. Alfred soon had every arrangement
+completed. He was very happy he was to realize the ambitions of his
+life's dream. He had been relieved of all financial responsibility.
+There would be wood cuts, printed bills, an agent and all that goes to
+make for a real show.
+
+The three-sheet bill depicting Alfred as a plantation negro dancing "The
+Essence of Ole Virginia," was his especial pride. Many times daily he
+unrolled this bill and secretly admired it. Alfred learned to dance "The
+Essence of Ole Virginia." Although Billy Hyatt or Tom White danced "The
+Essence" much more cleverly, Alfred argued that, owing to the bill
+bearing his name, consistency demanded he execute the dance.
+
+The stock bill was from the Jordan Printing Company of Boston, wood cuts
+in two colors, red and yellow. The imprint "Boston" on the bills, it was
+argued, would give the company prestige, that is, after they reached
+Greene County and other far away points on their proposed itinerary. All
+were instructed to spread the impression that the troupe was from
+Boston.
+
+It was rumored that the minstrels were to travel afar, visiting
+Baltimore, Washington and other cities. The mother was very greatly
+disturbed, she questioned Alfred frequently as to the rumors.
+
+Lin, in some way known only to herself, had fathomed Alfred's plans; she
+even knew the backer's name. Alfred begged her to keep it secret, that
+it would ruin everything to have it known. To Alfred's surprise she
+advised that he leave home surreptitiously if he must, with the consent
+of the mother if he could obtain it. Lin argued that he would never do
+any good at home with "them yar show notions flyin' through yer head.
+Durned ef I wouldn't go an' show 'em I cud be sumthin'."
+
+This was the first time Lin had ever advised Alfred to disobey his
+mother and, while her advice was pleasing to him insofar as furthering
+his ambitions was concerned, it was displeasing in other ways, and
+lowered Lin in his estimation.
+
+The mother objected strongly to the boy's connection with the minstrels,
+arguing that the father was absent; that Alfred should not leave home
+until the return of the father.
+
+Alfred argued with the mother that he had accepted money from Eli and
+was in honor bound to work it out.
+
+Uncle Thomas was called into conference. Uncle Ned came in without being
+called. Grandpap threatened legal proceedings to restrain the boy if he
+attempted to leave the town.
+
+Consternation reigned in the minstrel camp. Eli was frantic. Without
+Alfred the show could not hope to succeed; so declared all. Alfred grew
+desperate, declaring, since his mother so strongly opposed his going,
+that he would remain until his father arrived, explain the matter; then,
+come weal or woe, he would join the show.
+
+Thus matters stood. Eli endeavored to drown his disappointment; he was
+not visible for a day or two. Meanwhile Uncle Ned was a frequent visitor
+"to keep an eye on Mr. Alfred that he did not run away," as he expressed
+it. Alfred boldly declared that Uncle Ned was interfering and further
+that they could not hold him; even if they did estop him from going with
+the minstrels, he would run off to the oil regions.
+
+Another visit from Uncle Ned precipitated a war of words. As the
+meetings between Alfred and the uncle became more frequent Alfred "grew
+more tantalizing and impudent," so the uncle asserted. Finally, Alfred
+informed the uncle that he was meddling and that his meddling was not
+appreciated. A quarrel followed. Alfred's powers of vituperation were a
+surprise to the mother and uncle and a delight to Lin, who informed Mrs.
+Todd: "Lor! I expektid tu see Alfurd mount him enny minnit; he shook his
+fingur under Ned's nose an' mos' spit in his face. I hed the rollin' pin
+redy, I'd bin in h'it ef h'tit hed kum to a klinch. I tell ye Alfurd's
+lurned somethin' since they shaved his kurls off. He combed Ned es he'd
+nevur been combed afore, an' Mary jes stood an' luked 'til Ned got her
+riled up then twixt her an' Alfurd's bumburdment, he mighty nur forgot
+his religion an' his hat."
+
+The uncle in reply to one of Alfred's keenest thrusts permitted his
+anger to get the better of his judgment. He reflected strongly upon
+Alfred's father and the manner in which he had reared Alfred and
+concluded by declaring that he, Alfred, had been a disgrace to the
+entire family and that if his parents were powerless to control him
+"we'll take a hand in it."
+
+The entrance of the mother into the verbal battle at this juncture was
+so sudden, so earnest, so swift, that Uncle Ned left the house, almost
+forgetting his hat. The mother ended the scene by turning on Alfred:
+"You have almost broken my heart, you are a constant source of trouble
+and worry to me and as if that were not sufficient, your father's people
+must force themselves into our affairs as they always have done since I
+married into the family. Now if you have promised this man to go with
+him, if you have accepted money from him, you keep your word, you go and
+I will stand between your father and you insofar as any of his family
+are concerned. You go with this man until the money you owe him is paid;
+then you come straight home. If you do not it will only be the worse for
+you, I will send Rease Lynch, the Constable, and have him bring you
+home."
+
+Alfred's elation by the victory over the uncle was not lowered in the
+least by the fact that the mother's consent was given only to emphasize
+her displeasure at the interference of the father's folks.
+
+Eli was positively informed that Alfred would be compelled to return
+home if the mother sent for him; that he was only permitted to leave
+home that he might discharge the debt.
+
+Eli suddenly recalled the fact that he had advanced Alfred one dollar
+and seventy-five cents. He realized that it would not require many days
+of labor ere the debt would be cancelled. He therefore suddenly decided
+to make a further advance of money on behalf of Alfred's services and,
+to make it more binding, pay the money to the mother.
+
+Cousin Charley interfered with this plan by calling Alfred aside and
+whispering: "If Eli goes over to your house and gives Aunt Mary any
+money, and she sees he's been drunk, she'll hist him higher then
+Gilroy's kite. You better let him gin it tu Lin." And so it was
+arranged.
+
+Eli went to Lin, saying: "Mrs. Linn, I owe Alfred thirty dollars. He's a
+minor. I do not want to pay him the money as I know it is not legal, so
+I told him I'd give it to his mother, she can do as she likes about it.
+But if I wus her, I'd keep it; he will git enough to do him, he's a good
+boy, he don't drink, smoke or chew. I wouldn't have a drinkin' man in my
+troupe. I didn't know his mother was out. When will she be back? Well,
+Mrs. Linn, you jus sign this receipt, it will be all the same. Now
+there's thirty dollars and here's a dollar for you to buy yourself some
+sugar kisses. No, no, sign his mother's name, not yours. Now, good-bye,
+Mrs. Linn. I forgot to ask, are you any relation to the Linns out on
+Redstone. Well, I thought not, you're too good lookin'. If I wern't
+married I'd be after you."
+
+Lin opened the door, she jerked her head toward the opening, as she
+said: "Now, say, does yer muther know yere' out? Run along sonny. Don't
+git mushy."
+
+Lin reckoned: "The reason Eli wouldn't tulerate drinkin' peepul in his
+trupe is bekus he is afeared the supply will run out."
+
+Alfred calling on Mr. Steele to pay the note, produced a roll of bills.
+Mr. Steele smiled approvingly. Counting out three ten dollar greenbacks,
+the boy requested the tanner to figure up the interest on the note.
+
+"There's no interest to pay and there's no note to pay; here is the
+cancelled note paid in full." As the man pushed the note toward the boy
+he was written in red ink across the face, "Paid", and also the date.
+
+Alfred demurred. "No, Mr. Steele, I never paid the note, I won't have it
+that way."
+
+"Well," replied the tanner, "I am not in the habit of taking that which
+is not coming to me. A friend of yours called sometime ago and informed
+me that he owed you money and that you was desirous of paying off the
+note."
+
+"Joe Thornton!" guessed Alfred, without a moment's hesitation.
+
+"Yes, he was the man. How did Mr. Thornton know that I held your note?"
+
+"Well, that's where I broke my word with you, but I couldn't very well
+get around it. I did Mr. Thornton a favor, he told me he wanted to
+reward me. I told him I was in trouble, I owed money and I had no way to
+pay it and I would apply whatever he gave me on the note. He gave me an
+order for a suit of clothes but he never mentioned the note. I am as
+much surprised as you; I never dreamed he would pay the note for me."
+
+"Then you did not borrow the money from Thornton?"
+
+"No sir, I did not."
+
+"Well, I would not contract the borrowing habit. The borrower is always
+a servant to the lender."
+
+The mother was troubled. "How did it come that Eli paid for services in
+advance? Others never paid their employes until they performed their
+labor."
+
+Alfred airily informed her that it was the custom in the show business
+to pay in advance, that is, the good actors always drew their pay in
+advance. In fact, he assured the mother that it was the only way to keep
+good actors, keep them in debt to you; even then, sometimes, they'll run
+off with another troupe.
+
+"Well, what do you purpose doing with this money Mr. Eli left here for
+you?" enquired the mother.
+
+"Oh, I want you to keep it for me. I'm going to send you all my money;
+you use whatever you please, use it all if you want to."
+
+"I will keep this money for you," she said, "something seems to tell me
+you will need it later on."
+
+Lin allowed that Alfred would never need money thereafter. "Ef ye git a
+good start ye'll jes hev cords of greenbacks, an' I believe yere on the
+right road. I jes tol' yer muther, I ses, 'Mary,' ses I, 'Alfurd ain't
+fit fer nuthin' only minstrel showin', he's gittin' more un more like a
+nigger every day.'"
+
+The mother did not relish the compliment. Lin advised that Alfred keep
+up his clownish pranks, "then ye kin nigger hit in winter an' clown hit
+in summer."
+
+Alfred declared that if he attained his hopes and ambitions, inside of
+ten years he would be the possessor of a farm and live on it the
+remainder of his days. In his boyish buoyancy he grew enthusiastic; he
+pictured how Mother and Pap would enjoy country life.
+
+Alfred knew the mother had confidence in him, no matter how strongly she
+opposed his ways. He knew she had faith in him and it has been the
+saddest regret of his life that she was not permitted to remain on earth
+until his boyish dreams were fully realized.
+
+A few days later Alfred was seated on all his earthly possessions, a
+hair trunk with big brass tack heads as ornaments, in a big heavy wagon,
+waving a last good-bye to mother, Lizzie, Joe, the baby and Lin.
+
+Lin shouted as the wagon moved off: "Good luck! Good-bye! I know ye'll
+bring the koon skin hum."
+
+It was twelve miles to Bealsville on the pike. The big wagon, the small
+trunks and big boys were too much of a load for the two ordinary horses.
+The minstrels walked up the hills to lighten the load.
+
+"Handy Andy," Alfred's favorite farce, in which he impersonated the
+character of the awkward negro who breaks the dishes, was the closing
+number on the program. Alfred, always a stickler for natural effects,
+prevailed upon one of the boys to borrow his mother's china tea set. For
+safety these dishes were carried in a large carpet-sack.
+
+[Illustration: "And Ask Fer Licker," Added the Old Stage Driver]
+
+When the edge of town was reached the team was urged into a smart trot
+that the advent of the troupe might appear business-like. The minstrels
+were instructed as to the proper manner in which to conduct themselves
+that they might appear experienced in traveling--jump out of the wagon,
+carry their belongings, entering the tavern briskly, "and ask fer
+licker," added the old stage driver who had been an attentive listener
+to the instructions.
+
+At the edge of town the team was halted to freshen them up for the
+finish. The minstrels perched themselves picturesquely on the trunks,
+posing as if for a photograph. The old horses were urged into a trot by
+jerking and slapping the lines and wielding the whip. The pace was kept
+up until the tavern was reached.
+
+Charley Guttery, the landlord, was there to greet the minstrels. Mrs.
+Guttery was a Davis before marriage, the sister of Uncle Bill's wife.
+Therefore, Alfred was welcomed by the entire family.
+
+All jumped out of the wagon except Tom White; he began unloading the
+parcels, tossing them on the sidewalk. Out came the carpet-sack loaded
+with chinaware. It struck the ground with a crash.
+
+"There goes mother's china teapot smashed all to h--ll," piteously
+whimpered the boy who furnished the dishes. He began to climb into the
+wagon, vowing he would throw Tom White out quicker than he threw his
+mother's teapot out. Tom was ready for fight and Eli had all he could do
+to keep the boys apart.
+
+All this was great amusement for the natives. "Let 'em go," one shouted,
+"Let 'em fight; we'd ruther see the fight then yer show."
+
+The large room of the tavern was filled with minstrels and town folks.
+"Purty long ride ye hed fur such a big load," remarked one towner. Ere
+Alfred could reply, a big gawk chimed in with: "By the dust on their
+britches laigs I callerate they didn't ride much." Then all the crowd
+laughed.
+
+The pike was very dusty and the minstrels showed the effects of their
+contact with it. "Well, ef they haint got a good show we'll gin 'em a
+ride they won't furgit. Yes, an' the rail'll be three cornered. How many
+monkeys has they?" yelled another. Then came quickly, "I dunno, I haint
+counted 'em yit." This sally brought the biggest laugh yet heard.
+
+Alfred's blood was boiling; he could stand it no longer. His fist shot
+out and immediately there were legs and arms sprawling all over the
+floor; the crowd trampled each other as they stampeded, all endeavoring
+to exit through the one door at the same time. Once outside, several of
+them, more bold than the others, began making threats and movements to
+re-enter and bring Alfred out. At this juncture the old stage driver and
+Eli waded into them and soon there was not one of the rowdies to be
+seen.
+
+Alfred was hustled upstairs and into a room and ordered to remain quiet
+until further developments. The constable was soon on the scene with
+warrants for Eli and the old driver. They were taken before a justice of
+the peace and, by the advice of Mr. Guttery, they requested a
+continuance of the case until the following morning. This was granted.
+
+A few moments later, three or four of the minstrels were arrested. Not
+one of them had engaged in the disturbance; they demanded an immediate
+trial, feeling certain of acquittal. No evidence was offered as to their
+participation in the fight. Several residents of the town swore
+positively that none of the accused had engaged in the row in any way.
+One witness testified that they had just stood around doing nothing.
+This he emphasized by repeating at intervals in his testimony, "They
+just stood around doing nothing."
+
+The evidence all in, the justice of the peace addressed them somewhat as
+follows: "You have been arrested charged with disturbing the peace. The
+evidence goes to show that you are not guilty of that crime; therefore,
+on that count I will discharge you, the borough to pay the costs. But it
+appears by the testimony of one of your own witnesses, one of our most
+reliable citizens that you were standing around doing nothing.
+Therefore, I will fine you two dollars each and costs for loitering."
+
+By the advice of the landlord the costs were paid by Mr. Eli and the
+fines were to be paid the next morning when the other cases were called.
+
+The minstrels that night were slimly attended.
+
+In the middle of the night Alfred was rudely disturbed by someone
+awakening him. "Git up, git up, quick! We've got to git out of this town
+or it'll take all the money I've got to square the fight you started
+yesterday. Git up quick!"
+
+It was Eli's voice and he was very thick tongued; he had been up all
+night. The team was harnessed and hitched to the wagon. The landlord was
+there to see the sleepy minstrels off. The last good-byes were scarcely
+spoken ere the door of the big room was closed by the landlord and the
+lights put out. It was inky dark to Alfred as he sat on the high seat by
+the driver and heartily wished himself home.
+
+It came out later that the landlord and one or two others advised Eli to
+get the minstrels into Greene County ere the eyes of the law opened the
+next morning. Hence the 3 a. m. exodus.
+
+Arriving at Carmichael's Town after a long and tiresome ride, the
+minstrels found Tom Kerr, the jolly landlord of the tavern, with a
+dinner ready that changed their minds from gloom to gayety.
+
+The minstrels were well advertised. Winn Kerr, Lias and Dee Flannigan
+had witnessed their entertainment previously, hence the town turned out
+to welcome them. Wealth flowed in upon Eli and all went merry as a
+dinner bell. But Eli had great difficulty in tearing himself away from
+old and new found friends.
+
+The regular minstrel wagon was not large enough to carry Eli the next
+morning, consequently Jim Kerr carried Alfred and Eli to Waynesburg in a
+private rig. Again the crowd was too large for the courthouse; again
+Eli made friends who detained him after the departure of the troupe.
+Alfred refused to remain behind with Eli but left with the minstrel
+boys.
+
+Eli failed to arrive in the next town in time to open the doors. The
+crowd was more than ample to fill the hall. Alfred took the door and
+made settlement of bills. Eli arrived during the night. The next morning
+Alfred and two others advised Mr. Eli that they had received word from
+home that their engagement with the minstrels must end.
+
+When Eli came to his senses he appealed to Alfred to explain why they
+had decided to quit. Alfred said: "Because you have been drunk ever
+since the show left Brownsville and the boys are afraid you will not pay
+them."
+
+That night Eli invited all the company to meet him in his room at the
+tavern. By the time the boys arrived Eli was so saturated he forgot that
+which he desired to say to them. Instead he insisted on drinking with
+each one individually, he scorned to drink with the company as a whole.
+
+"I want you all to know me. If you want money, I've got slathers of it."
+
+All wanted money and they got it. And they spent it. Gaudy bows and
+ties, striped shirts, congress shoes and other dependables never
+possessed by the wearers previously, began to make their appearance. Eli
+was voted the best ever. Those who had threatened to leave because Eli
+imbibed too freely were termed Methodists and back-biters.
+
+Fairmount reached, the old stage driver and his team left for home. From
+this point the Baltimore & Ohio Railroad was to be the mode of travel, a
+change hailed with delight. Some began figuring on how many days it
+would be until the minstrels invaded Baltimore.
+
+Two nights were played at Fairmount; the first night a large, well
+pleased audience attended. More invitations to Eli's room, more liquor
+ladled out and more money handed around to the company. On the second
+night there was a very light attendance; a long hunt to find Eli ere
+bills could be paid and the company could move on to Grafton. Eli had
+decided to remain in Fairmount until the next train.
+
+Morgan, the advance agent, accompanied the minstrels to Grafton. Morgan
+took the night's receipts. The next morning he could not be located nor
+did Eli make his appearance. The minstrels watched and waited; the day
+wore along. Finally, it was decided that the performance would be
+repeated that night.
+
+A man walked over the town, ringing a bell as he went. Halting at short
+intervals he loudly announced the second exhibition of the minstrels at
+early candle light. The landlord of the tavern volunteered to look after
+the financial end of the enterprise. After the exhibition he called the
+boys together and advised that after his bill and other expenses were
+deducted, there would be enough left to pay their railroad fare to
+Fairmount and that they would probably find Eli there.
+
+Arriving at Fairmount it was learned that Eli had left for Baltimore the
+night before. It came to light that Morgan had left on the same train,
+boarding it as it passed through Grafton. Some members of the company
+contended that Eli had gone on to Baltimore to arrange for their coming
+and that they would hear from him or see him soon. Others, that he had
+left for good.
+
+The four musicians, men who had seen more of the world than the
+ambitious amateurs, boarded a train for Wheeling. Alfred decided that he
+and his followers would make their way to New Geneva and there board the
+boat for home. Loading their few belongings, including Alfred's hair
+trunk with the brass tack ornaments, into a farm wagon drawn by two big
+bay mules, the homeward journey was begun. Not in dejection, as one
+might imagine, the boys were too full of spirit to be cast down greatly.
+One or two began to fret but the jibes of the others soon had all in
+good humor.
+
+The roads through the hilly, muddy country were not as firm as those
+previously traversed, a contingency the boys had not taken into
+consideration. At times the mules were unable to move the wagon, even
+though all the minstrels were pushing or prying to the extent of their
+muscular power. Instead of dust, as on the first day out, the minstrels
+were covered with mud, from shoes to hats.
+
+Arriving at New Geneva, mud bespattered, tired and hungry, they
+congregated on the old wharf boat until the steamer was heard coming
+below the bend. When the boat hove in sight, her prow cutting the water,
+it was the most welcome sight Alfred ever remembered witnessing. Safely
+aboard, it was found that not in the whole party was there enough money
+to pay the fares to Brownsville. Therefore deck passage had to be taken
+and without meals.
+
+George Warner, the colored steward, knew every one of the boys. One by
+one they were smuggled into the pantry and a meal that was never
+excelled given each one.
+
+It was two o'clock in the morning when the boat touched at Brownsville.
+Alfred determined to carry his trunk home with him. Hoisting it on his
+broad shoulders he began the walk up the hill homewards; every little
+ways lowering the burden to the ground, he would seat himself upon it
+pondering as to the tale to tell of the ignominious ending of his dream
+of prosperity. He thought of Lin's parting words: "I hope ye bring the
+koon skin hum," and he could not suppress his laughter.
+
+He brought the big iron knocker down rather lightly, hoping only Lin
+would hear it. He did not care to face his father or mother until he got
+a little more courage. Again the knocker was raised and lowered, a
+little louder than before. The window sash above was raised and the
+father's voice, gruffer than Alfred had heard it in a long time,
+demanded, "Who's there?"
+
+Alfred hesitated to give his name.
+
+"Who's there?" louder and more gruffly than before, impelled the boy to
+answer: "It's me."
+
+"Who's me?" came from the window quickly.
+
+"Oh, come on down, Pap, let me in. It's me, Pap, don't you know me?"
+
+Alfred was so crestfallen and ashamed that he could not bear to speak
+his own name. "In a minute, Alfred," came in a more kindly tone as the
+father's head was withdrawn from the window. Then the father's voice was
+heard informing the mother, "The boy's back."
+
+It flashed through the boy's mind that the conditions that brought him
+home so unexpectedly were known only to himself and he could stave off
+unpleasant explanations for a time at least.
+
+The door opened, the father shook his hand heartily. "How are you? How
+have you been? We've been expecting you. How did you get out of the
+trouble in Bealsville? The _Clipper_ says you were all jerked up and
+slid out between two days."
+
+The mother and all the children were up. Lin insisted on setting out a
+pie and making a hot cup of coffee. Alfred was highly complimented that
+he had kept his promise to return. Alfred accepted the praises with a
+conscience stricken feeling that kept him miserable under his assumed
+gaiety.
+
+The first time Lin and Alfred were alone in the kitchen, she turned full
+on him as she asked in a deeply interested way: "How much did ye make
+outen yere trip?"
+
+The question was so direct and without warning that Alfred dropped his
+gaze and began stammering. Lin continued: "There's somethin' ded about
+yer; I smelled a mice the minnit I seen yer face. Jes let hit out, ye'll
+feel better. I'll help ye. Where's Eli? Where's the other boys?"
+
+Alfred gave Lin the whole miserable story, neither adding to it nor
+concealing anything. Lin summed up the matter thus: "Ef ye're out
+enything ye kin sue Eli. His muther'll settle."
+
+They figured it up, Alfred was a little in Eli's debt. "Then what ye
+palaverin' 'bout, ye've done all right?"
+
+"But it's the disappointment of the thing, the way it wound up and it
+looked so promising," whined Alfred.
+
+"Well, ef ye never git hit harder then Eli hit ye, ye'll need no
+poultices," consoled Lin. "Why don't ye gin Redstone Skule-house another
+try? Charley Wagner an' everybody else sed ef ye'd go back that ye'd
+make all back ye wus shy afore."
+
+Alfred was on his way in less time than it takes to record it, notifying
+the boys that they would go to Redstone School-house next Saturday
+night. The school-house secured, the music was the next important
+matter. Charley Wagner had a sore throat, so he informed Alfred. All
+others approached were affected in the same way. It looked very much as
+if the exhibition would have to be given up.
+
+Cousin Charley suggested that Alfred go to Merrittstown and hire the
+blind Hostetler family. All were blind excepting John, who had one eye.
+There were three brothers and a sister--two violins, a double bass
+violin, the girl sang and in time with the music manipulated two large
+corn-cobs, much in the manner of a minstrel's cracking the bones. A
+contract was entered into with the family whereby they were to receive
+ten dollars for the night, and their suppers.
+
+The school-house was packed, there was some thirty-seven dollars in all.
+When the performance was nearing the end, Cousin Charley made his way
+behind the curtain and in a whisper informed Alfred that the constable
+had seized all the money and properties of the minstrels and that he,
+Alfred, was to be arrested and put in jail. Alfred's acting was not so
+spirited as in the opening. Those who were aware of the load that
+oppressed him, sympathized and condoned with him until he was nearly
+unmanned.
+
+The suit came up before a justice of the peace. Eli's creditors had an
+attorney, Alfred and the minstrels had none. The plea that Eli was not
+interested in the venture, that it was Alfred's show, was offset by the
+fact that Alfred, in his dealings, informed every one that the show
+belonged to Eli. And there was the advertising matter. Did not all bear
+the words, "Eli, Owner and Manager." Alfred had designedly and against
+his pride ordered Eli's name placed on the bills to relieve himself of
+all responsibility and worry.
+
+The evidence was conclusive. At least that's what the lawyer, Isaac
+Bailey, said. Lin said: "It was boun' to go agin Alfurd. Limpy Bailey
+cud make black white an' Squire Wilkinson's agin' evurythin' but the
+Methudis' Church."
+
+There were numerous little bills unpaid, including five dollars to the
+blind family. Chapters of truths and unfounded rumors, were in the
+mouths of the gossips as to how the troupe stranded in West Virginia,
+compelled to walk home, traveling as deck passengers on the steamboat.
+It even went the rounds that they would have starved if George Warner
+had not fed them surreptitiously on their way home.
+
+Alfred was crestfallen. He was ashamed to visit his old haunts in the
+town. He evolved plan after plan only to be persuaded by Lin to abandon
+them as soon as they were broached to her. The father rubbed salt into
+his wounded feelings at every reference he made to the minstrel business
+and the lowness of those connected with it, holding Eli up as a terrible
+example of what minstrel life would bring a man to.
+
+Berated, brow-beaten, driven to the wall, Alfred answered his father in
+kind following one of his most bitter arraignments of show people:
+"Father, what are you talking about? Something you know nothing of. Eli
+was not a showman, not a minstrel man. He was only with an amateur
+minstrel show eight days. Nothing in his associations made him lower
+than he was before he left."
+
+"Then why did you go with him?" sternly demanded the parent.
+
+"I wanted to make money."
+
+"Yes, you wanted to make trouble and disgrace for your poor mother and
+myself," was the father's rejoinder.
+
+"How sorry I am I did not do differently. How sorry I am that this ever
+happened and I planned it all so differently. I felt I was protecting
+myself and I'm into it deeper than before." Thus would Alfred reason
+with himself.
+
+But the judgment of regret is a silent witness of the heart to the
+conviction that some things are inevitable. With Alfred it was a
+confession hard to make--another battle lost that seemed won. The words,
+"disgrace to the family, to your mother and myself," kept ringing in his
+ears and he resolved to leave the town, go to the oil regions, go west,
+go anywhere, get rich, come back and make his people retract all their
+cruel reflections.
+
+Lin adjured him to "furgit the sore spot; es long es ye pick hit, it'll
+never heal. Why, ye cud go to Capt. Abrams, Sammy Steele ur Joe Thornton
+an' borry enuf to pay every durn cent ye owe; though ye don't owe
+nuthin', everybody ses so thet knows enythin' bout hit. Thet Eli's in
+fur hit all. He ought to pay hit. Thur's thet blin' family, he'll nefer
+hev no luck ef he don't pay 'em."
+
+This allusion to the blind family was the last stone. Alfred felt that
+he and he alone was responsible for the amount due the blind family.
+This obligation brought him more regrets than all his troubles. He crept
+upstairs, he fell on his knees and prayed, yes, prayed fervently,
+earnestly. No penitent, no prisoner, no saint, no sinner ever beseeched
+guidance and assistance with a more contrite heart.
+
+It was announced that Uncle Thomas was to preach to the young people of
+his congregation. Alfred went early. He was ill at ease. He imagined all
+the congregation gazing at him and when two or more bent their heads and
+whispered, he imagined that it was he who was under discussion.
+
+The song services ended, the minister arose, opened the Bible and very
+slowly read the text selected--"Honor thy father and thy mother."
+Raising his eyes from the book, looking over the congregation as if to
+select some one to whom to direct his words, he repeated, "Honor thy
+father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise. Honor
+thy father and mother, that it may be well with thee, and that thou
+mayest live long on earth."
+
+Then followed a lengthy discourse as to the duties of children to their
+parents.
+
+As the sermon progressed, the preacher said: "Rebuke not an elder but
+entreat him as a father. Rebuke not an elder but treat all your elders
+with that respect you would others should exhibit toward your parents.
+Show me the young man who is disrespectful to his parents or elders,
+disregards their admonitions and I will show you a boy who is without
+the pale of content."
+
+Uncle Tom seemed to look straight at Alfred as he let fall the words.
+Alfred felt sure that he referred to the quarrel between himself and
+Uncle Ned.
+
+In the next quotation Alfred was slightly reassured: "An angry man
+stirreth up strife and aboundeth in transgressions, for he that is slow
+to anger is better than the mighty and he that ruleth his spirit than he
+that taketh a city."
+
+Alfred said to himself, he is touching up Uncle Ned. He wanted to turn
+his head around to see how the Uncle took his medicine, but the preacher
+had his attention. Alfred was sitting erect, looking straight at the
+speaker. His attitude seemed to say: "If you are going to hit them all I
+can stand it but don't hold me up as a lone example of all that's sinful
+in this congregation."
+
+Then the speaker waded into the popular frivolities of the times; cards,
+dice, gambling, drinking, dancing and other pastimes. As Alfred was
+immune from all of the above sins he sat up still more straight and even
+ventured to look around at some of the society young folks of the
+congregation. He began to feel that Uncle Tom was a very good preacher.
+
+After a moment's pause as if to pull himself together for the final
+onslaught upon all that was sinful, the preacher resumed: "I do not
+hesitate for a moment to condemn show life and all who are aware of its
+iniquity that engage in it. The circus, the theatre, the actors therein,
+the proprietors, those who, for sordid gain, place these terrible
+temptations before our young people." Alfred felt himself sinking in the
+pew. "I do not hesitate to condemn the theatre as one of the broadest
+roads that leads to destruction. Fascinating no doubt to the young of
+susceptible and impressionable feelings, on that account all the more
+dangerous. Show life is a delusion. It holds out hopes never realized;
+it poisons the mind and diseases the soul; it takes innocence and
+happiness and repays with suffering and misery. It separates families;
+it desolates homes; it makes wanderers on the face of the earth of those
+who are allured to it. Once let a young man acquire a taste for show
+life and yield himself up to its wicked gratifications; that young man
+is in great danger of losing his reputation. He is rushing headlong to
+certain ruin."
+
+Alfred was sitting straight up. His cheeks burned like fire but there
+was no shame in his face, he even looked about him; he met the gaze of
+those who stared and held it until the eyes of the others dropped.
+
+The preacher continued: "All the evils that can blight a young life,
+waste his property, corrupt his morals, blast his hopes, impair his
+health and wreck his soul, lurk in the purlieus of this abominated show
+life that is threatening some of the best beloved and most talented of
+our young people. Folly consists in drawing false conclusions from just
+principles; and that is what the theatre does. Men may live fools but
+fools they cannot die. The instruction of fools is folly; therefore, the
+actor cannot teach wisdom or morality. He that refuseth instruction
+despiseth his own soul; but he that heareth reproof getteth
+understanding."
+
+The parting admonition, delivered to the young people in general and,
+Alfred felt, to himself in particular, was: "Choose a good name; a good
+name is rather to be chosen than great riches and loving favor rather
+than silver and gold."
+
+Alfred felt that the latter part of the sermon was directed at his
+ambitions to become a clown, get rich and buy a farm. He wondered who
+had informed the preacher of his ambitions.
+
+When the congregation stood up and sang, Alfred's voice could be heard
+above those around him. When the plate was passed he placed his last
+dollar on the coppers and dimes on it.
+
+When the minister requested that all the young people who desired the
+prayers of the congregation for their future guidance, stand up, Alfred
+remained seated. There was no contriteness in his heart; no impression
+had been made upon him. He forgot his surroundings; he felt no
+embarrassment that all stared at him, their looks seeming to say: "Well,
+how did you like it? Hit you pretty hard, did it not?"
+
+Alfred forgot the sermon, forgot the surroundings; other thoughts swayed
+his mind. "I'll make Uncle Tom, I'll make this congregation, I'll make
+this whole town acknowledge my worth. I've not done anything I'm ashamed
+of." Then the five dollars he owed the blind family flashed upon his
+mind. "I'll pay them, I'll pay every cent I owe."
+
+He passed out of the church unconscious of the gaze of a half hundred
+young men lined up on either side of the door waiting for the girls to
+run the gauntlet, each one offering an arm to the girl he fancied; if
+rejected he was termed "sacked" and the rejected one felt the ridicule
+of his fellows for many days thereafter. Lucy Fowler "sacked" John
+Albright that night. Lin was so full of this affair that she seemed to
+forget the sermon in her eagerness to recount the other incident. Alfred
+interrupted her by sneakingly inquiring as to how she liked the sermon.
+
+Lin forthwith straightened up: "Well, ef I wanted tu tell jes what I
+thot, I'd say he gin ye particular fits, but preachin' is preachin',
+nobody takes hit to tharselves, they jes think hit's fur everybody. Now
+I reckon ye think the hull blast wus fer ye. S'posen he'd preached on
+dram drinkin'. I reckon the fellur thet guzzles wud take hit all tu
+hisself. No, sonny, religun's fur everybody an' ye kan't thro preachin'
+bricks ye don't hit somebody. So don't take a foolish powder kase a
+preacher workin' at his trade handed ye a few. Hit done ye good, ye
+never looked so purty in yer life, yer cheeks wus red es cherries an' ye
+sung like a exorter."
+
+Alfred asked: "Didn't you think he took a shot at Uncle Ned?"
+
+"Well, ef he did he never teched him fur Ned never winced. Ye know them
+church members never take nuthin' to tharselves; no, they jes believe
+when the preacher ladles out spiritual feed hits fur sinners on the
+outside uf the church. They think they're above suspishun. Ye know the
+Pharisee thanked Gawd he wus not like other peepul, 'an he was _jes
+awful_. Of course a great many say thet the sermon fit yer kase. Hit's
+the best praise ye ever got, hit's better'n a piece in the newspapers.
+Thur's a heap uf peepul in this town never knowed ye amounted to enuf to
+be preached about. Es long es ye hain't stole nuthin' er caused anybody
+misery er shame, yer on the safe side. Yer troubles hain't nuthin', ye
+jes think they are. Uncle Tom's got more trouble on his min' now en ye
+ever had."
+
+"I'll bet if I ever get out of this trouble, I'll steer clear of it
+hereafter," mused Alfred.
+
+"Yes ye will. Let me tell ye, sonny, the minnet ye begin to feel yer
+troubles at a end ye'll begin to look fer more en ye wouldn't be wuth
+cracklins ef ye didn't. I wouldn't gin four cents fer a man thet didn't
+git into truble; hit trys 'em out an' ye ken tell what they're made uf.
+Look at all the men ye know who don't know enuf to make truble. What do
+they amount to? Why they ain't got enuf grit in 'em to suck alum."
+
+She continued:
+
+"Onct thur wus a new preacher kum to a place to take charge of a church.
+A member uf the church called tu pay his respeks an' afore he left he
+said, confidential like: 'Parson, ye preach yer first sermon Sunday. Now
+I want to tell ye this fer yer own good: We hev a good many members thet
+plays ole sledge, ten cents a corner. Thar our best payin' members an' I
+wouldn't, ef I wus ye, say anythin' 'bout card playin' in my fust
+sermon, they mought think ye wus pussenal.' Another member called. After
+talkin' 'bout the weather an' crops a bit, he sed: 'Several uf our best
+payin' members sell whiskey wholesale, they're agin dram drinkin' but ef
+ye preach agin whiskey right away it mought make 'em mad, so I wouldn't
+say anythin' agin whiskey in yer fust sermun nex' Sunday.' The preacher
+began to git a little shaky but he thanked the man. A little later
+anuther member called. When 'bout tu leave he sed: 'Parson, ye preach
+yer fust sermon Sunday; I want ye to start right. We hed a good many
+dances through the winter, and our peepul is very fond uf dancin'.
+Thur's two ur three big dances to kum off soon. These members thet dance
+is all willun workers an' liberal givers; ef ye pitch into dancin' en
+frolikin' in yer fust sermon hit's sure to raise a click in the church
+thet'll be agin ye. Therefore I wouldn't mention anythin' 'bout dancin'
+in my fust sermon ef I wus ye.' Soon another called. After he'd talked a
+spell, he kum to the pint: 'Parson, we got some mighty fine hosses an'
+most uf 'em belongs to the leadin' members uf yer church an' we has hoss
+races an' we bets on 'em, an' ef ye preach 'bout anythin' uf thet kind
+in yer fust sermon it'll hurt the hoss bizness an' put some uf the best
+members uf the congregashun agin ye.' The preacher raised his hans in
+holy horror, as he said: 'I can't preach agin the frivolities of
+fashun, dancin' an' sich; I can't preach agin drunkenness; I can't
+preach agin gamblin'. Fur heavin's sake, what kin I preach about?' 'I'll
+tell ye,' volunteered the caller quickly, 'preach about the Jews, jes
+gin 'em hell, thar's only one in town.'"
+
+Lin concluded, "Maybe Uncle Tom figgered the same way on yer kase," and
+she roared with laughter as she gave Alfred a playful push.
+
+After the boasting Alfred had indulged in previous to going on tour with
+Eli, he could not face his friends. He borrowed five dollars from Lin
+and in a careless way, informed the family that the next day he would go
+up to Uncle Jake's for a couple of weeks' visit. He packed up his
+belongings, bade the family an affectionate good-bye and ran away, like
+many another coward has done before and since. He was not in debt to any
+extent, it was simply his vanity, a false pride that would not permit
+him to face the little world in which he lived. Those who should have
+advised him censured; those who had influence for good held aloof. He
+went to a big city, to Pittsburg, to seek his fortune among strangers,
+return rich, reward all who were kind to him and humble all who had lost
+faith in him.
+
+He went aboard the boat bound for Pittsburg. He slept soundly and was
+only awakened by the clanging of bells and the blowing of whistles.
+Peering out of the stateroom ventilator, his eyes met a sight such as he
+had never witnessed before. Fire in long-tongued flashes blazed up a
+hundred feet out of blackened chimneys, shadowy demons working over
+fiery furnaces, boiling, white hot lava flowed in streams, the air was
+filled with smoke and sparks.
+
+Alfred imagined he had died in his sins and was now nearing the place of
+eternal torment. He could liken the scene before him to nothing on
+earth. It must be Hell, and he felt that the lid had been lifted for his
+especial benefit.
+
+There was a rap on his stateroom door and a voice called: "All out for
+Pittsburg." Alfred hustled into his clothes and walked out in the cabin,
+not desiring to leave the boat until after daylight. He inquired of the
+clerk as to how long the boat would remain there. "We leave at eight
+o'clock," replied the clerk.
+
+"Eight o'clock what? Morning or night?" asked Alfred.
+
+"Eight o'clock morning," replied the man.
+
+"Why, when does it get daylight in Pittsburg?" inquired the bewildered
+boy.
+
+The clerk laughed as he answered, "Tomorrow, if the sun shines."
+
+Alfred hastened ashore. The old National Hotel, Water and Smithfield
+Streets, had sheltered him before. Therein he entered. Changing his
+clothing he wandered forth aimlessly. He entered the Red Lion Hotel,
+looked over the circus grounds and then to Ben Trimble's Theatre; from
+there to the old Drury Theater, Wood and Fifth Avenue. He took in all
+the sights of the big city.
+
+Then he began to make plans as to the future. The hotel rate was one
+dollar and a half a day. When Alfred settled, which he did at the end of
+the first day, he had but thirty-five cents left. He left his baggage
+with the hotel people and began a search for work.
+
+Were you ever in a strange city, broke and without a friend, without the
+price of a bed, without the price of a full meal? Did you ever feel the
+loneliness, the forsakedness of this condition? You may say, "Well, I'd
+get a job; I'd do anything; I'd dig ditches; I'd--" Well, they do not
+dig ditches in winter, and when they do dig them you must have a vote
+before you can get a job even at that labor and you cannot get a job at
+any kind of laboring work unless your physique and clothes look the
+part.
+
+You say there's no excuse for any man being broke or out of a job these
+times? Well, there may be no excuse that will satisfy you but there are
+men in this condition all over this land--and good honest, willing men,
+willing to do any kind of work to earn a living. When they apply to you
+encourage them even though you do not hire them.
+
+Alfred applied to a large concern that employed many men. He was told
+there was nothing open. The wholesale drug stores were all supplied with
+help. Another place had a sign out--"No help wanted." Alfred failed to
+notice it as he entered. When he made his errand known the oily haired
+youngster in the place impudently asked him if he could read, and
+pointed to the sign.
+
+At another place he felt sure he had landed when the boss told him they
+wanted a married man and that he was too young looking. At the
+headquarters of a great fraternal society, the principles and teachings
+of which are mercy and charity toward all mankind, the officer or
+secretary in charge was particularly unkind and actually spoke and
+behaved towards the boy as though he had been guilty of some offense,
+instead of seeking honest employment.
+
+After walking more than four miles to a large factory, the head of which
+stood high in the councils of one of the great political parties of the
+day, one who had lately issued a statement to the country that the only
+difficulty his firm was having was to secure men to do their work, he
+met the great man coming from his office and appealed to him in person,
+and was informed that they required no more men at that time, but
+intimated that a factory in a city several hundred miles distant
+required help. He did not mention that it required several dollars to
+pay railroad fare to the town referred to.
+
+His experience in seeking employment caused Alfred to resolve that no
+man or woman, no weary soul, no matter what the conditions, applying to
+him for employment or aid should be turned away without a word of
+encouragement and advice. Some philosopher has likened kindness as
+lighting a neighbor's candle by our own by which we impart something and
+lose nothing. Try a little kindness upon the next applicant who calls
+upon you.
+
+Walking down Fifth Avenue Alfred read a sign hung on a door: "Wanted.
+Two boys over fifteen years of age." It was the White House saloon.
+Alfred walked in and asked for the position. He learned it was setting
+up ten pins in a bowling alley. The proprietor, John O'Brien, was very
+kindly spoken and, looking curiously at Alfred, he inquired: "How did
+you come to ask for this job? You look too well groomed for such work?"
+
+"Well, I'm broke and I've got to do something."
+
+Alfred was given the job and started to work at once setting up the
+pins. It was pay day in Pittsburg; the big, husky iron workers hurled
+the balls down the alleys with such tremendous force that the pins were
+scattered in every direction. At times the bowlers, in their haste and
+excitement, would not wait for the pins to be set up before hurling the
+balls and it required quick action on the part of Alfred to keep out of
+harm's way.
+
+Closing up time came and as the dollar and a half was passed to Alfred
+he noticed that the game keeper was a brother of Eli's. Pulling his hat
+over his eyes that he might not be recognized, the star of Eli's
+minstrels fled the place.
+
+The barkeeper at the National Hotel, Dick Cannon, had befriended Alfred
+before. When he learned that Alfred was living on doughnuts and coffee
+at the little stand in the market house, Cannon took him in and fed him
+until he secured a position. It was through Cannon that Alfred finally
+secured the position of night clerk in the hotel.
+
+That a saloonkeeper and a bar-tender, the very people whom Alfred had
+been so constantly warned against, should be the only ones who took an
+interest in him when in distress, was most surprising to the boy. Surely
+it was not from the fact that he patronized their establishments, as he
+never entered the place of one and was in the house of the other for
+only a few hours.
+
+John W. Pittock, the founder of the _Pittsburg Leader_, was also
+proprietor of a book store at the corner of Fifth Avenue and Smithfield
+Street. The _Leader_ was the first paper, that the writer has knowledge
+of, to print a sporting page. Pittsburgh, then as now, was strong for
+athletic sports. Aquatic sports were the most popular; Jimmy Hamill, the
+champion single sculler of the world, was at the zenith of his career.
+The day following Alfred's experience in the ten pin alley the city was
+all excitement over a sporting event. Alfred was sent to the _Leader_
+office to procure a number of copies of the paper for numerous guests of
+the hotel. The following Sunday morning Alfred sold over two hundred
+copies of the paper.
+
+The superintendent of the Smithfield Street bridge was a friend of
+Alfred's father. He permitted the boy to establish a news-stand at the
+end of the bridge. From 5 a. m. until noon hundreds of copies of the
+_Leader_ were sold. With his wages from the hotel the minstrel was
+making and saving money.
+
+Alfred was homesick often but determined in his mind not to return to
+Brownsville until he had a stated amount of money. The father wrote him
+to return at once. Alfred replied that he had a good position but would
+return by a certain date.
+
+It was a holiday in the smokey city. Alfred cleaned up over forty
+dollars on papers alone. That night he visited Brimstone Corner, a
+Methodist Church. No man or boy who ever lived in Pittsburgh but
+remembers its location. It was a revival; the church was packed, the
+sermon eloquent and it made a deep impression upon Alfred.
+
+The minister read the text as follows: "And he said, A certain man had
+two sons; and the younger of them said to the father: 'Father, give me
+the portion of goods that falleth to me.' And he divided unto him his
+living. And not many days after the younger son gathered all together
+and took his journey into a far country and there wasted his substance
+with riotous living. And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty
+famine in that land and he began to be in want. And he went and joined
+himself to a citizen of that country and he sent him into his fields to
+feed swine. And he would feign have filled his belly with the husks that
+the swine did eat, and no man gave unto him. And when he came to
+himself, he said: 'How many hired servants of my father have bread
+enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger.' I will arise and go to
+my father and will say unto him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven
+and before thee and am no more worthy to be called thy son; make me as
+one of thy hired servants.' And he arose and came to his father. But
+when he was yet a great way off his father saw him and had compassion
+and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. And the son said unto him,
+'Father, I have sinned against heaven and in thy sight and am no more
+worthy to be called thy son.' But the father said to his servants,
+'Bring forth the best robe and put it on him and put a ring on his hand
+and shoes on his feet; and bring hither the fatted calf and kill it and
+let us eat and be merry. For this, my son, was dead and is alive again;
+he was lost and is found.' And they began to be merry." The preacher
+continued:
+
+"Who can say what the causes that led to the young man's leaving the
+luxurious home of his father to wander, an outcast, over the earth? The
+vagaries of the human mind are beyond our understanding. The prodigal
+son may have had illusions; he may have had ambitions. He may have been
+induced by illusions born of ambitions to make something of himself
+other than a plain farmer's boy. The dangers that lay along his pathway
+were not known to him. That he fell in with evil associates and did not
+have the will power to free himself from them is obvious.
+
+"We cannot all live in one city; we cannot all live in one country or on
+one farm. It is but natural that boys will stray away from the old
+fireside. Read the history of this country; it was settled by hardy
+yeomen, possessed of that desire for changed conditions. Look at the
+great and growing West, settled by the descendants of those first
+settlers of New England and Virginia.
+
+"That boys leave home, as did the prodigal son; that boys fall from
+grace, as did he who ate husks with the swine, should not shake our
+faith in the future of a young man who has fallen by the wayside. He is
+to be reclaimed, not by the mighty hand of the law, not by the
+chastisement of the father, but by the love and pity that man should
+exhibit not only for the good but for the lowest of God's creatures. We
+should extend to them the helping hand; we should prove by our actions
+that they have our love and pity.
+
+"Pity is a mode, or a particular development, of benevolence. It is
+sympathy for those who are weak and suffering. Hence, our compassion for
+the erring one. We have affections for men who are good and noble, men
+who are prosperous, strong and happy. But for those who have been beaten
+down by the storms of life, for such we should feel that pity the father
+displayed for the prodigal son.
+
+"If those who have strayed and forgotten the father's advice and the
+mother's prayers come to us, we should not receive them with reproaches
+and rebuffs but with open arms; always remembering that the Father of
+all has gladness for those who are glad and pity for those who are sad.
+
+"When the erring one returned, envy filled the heart of one of the
+family and he said to a brother of the prodigal: 'Thy brother is come
+and thy father hath killed the fatted calf because he hath received him
+safe and sound.' And the brother was angry and would not go in to the
+feast. Therefore came his father out and entreated him to enter. And he
+answering, said to his father: 'Lo, these many years do I serve thee,
+neither transgressing at any time thy commandments and yet thou never
+gavest me at any time a fatted kid that I might make merry with my
+friends. But as soon as this, thy son, came, which has devoured thy
+living, thou hast killed for him the fatted calf.' And the father
+answered, 'Wealth killeth the foolish man and envy slayeth the silly
+one. There is not a just man upon earth that doeth good and sinneth not.
+It is good for a man he beareth the yoke in youth.'
+
+"It is sympathy in this world that must reclaim the fallen. It is
+sympathy in the return of the erring that must reunite families and heal
+the mother's sorrow for him who has wandered from the fireside and, like
+the prodigal, returns to be elevated to a life that might been have
+wasted had not the father's love prevailed to welcome his return.
+
+"If this world is to be bettered, if the children of men are to be
+uplifted, it must be by a love that is as strong as that of the father
+for the son, the mother for her children.
+
+"Young man, if you have wandered from home, if you have felt you were
+abused, return to your family, start life over, reconcile yourself to
+what you may have imagined were wrongs. If they have wronged you, their
+love, won by your obedience, will atone for all. If you have wronged
+anyone, make amends.
+
+"Fathers, mothers, friends, stretch out your right hands for the
+salvation and preservation of our young men, for in their hands lies the
+greatness of the future."
+
+The river was low, the boats were not running. The next morning a train
+bore Alfred to Layton Station on the Youghiogheny. A stage coach landed
+him at the door of his father's home in the middle of the afternoon.
+There never before was the happiness in Alfred's heart that filled it on
+his home coming. The father was proud of his boy, the mother overwhelmed
+with her emotions. The children clung to him as though they feared he
+would fly away from them. Lin baked and cooked as she never had before.
+
+When it became known that Alfred had laid one hundred dollars in his
+mother's hand and that he "hed plenty more," as Lin informed all, the
+boy could feel a difference in the atmosphere when he mingled with the
+people of the town.
+
+Cousin Charley and Alfred hired a horse and buggy and drove out to
+Merrittstown, passing the Thornton home, the old mill, the dam and the
+home of the Youngs. The blind musicians were paid the five dollars yet
+due with five dollars added for interest.
+
+There was only one incident that marred the happy home-coming. Alfred
+licked Morgan, Eli's agent. Eli was a very ill man; his excesses had
+brought him near death's door. Alfred forgot the past and no more
+attentive friend had Eli in his last illness.
+
+The fight with Morgan was regrettable but, as Lin expressed it: "Hit let
+the kat outen the bag an' klarified matters in general an' some mighty
+big peepul tried to krawl into some mighty little holes, but they stuck
+out wuss then ef they hed stood up an' sed, 'Well, we tuk Alfred's money
+but we thought we wur right but we find we were wrong.'"
+
+Of those who levied on the money at Redstone School-house, but one
+returned the amount he had illegally received. Fred Chalfant, the
+liveryman, was that man.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THIRTEEN
+
+    Forgot is the time when the clouds hid the sun.
+      And cold blasts the earth forced to shiver.
+    For such is the power of one warm spring day
+      From winter's whole spell to deliver.
+
+
+Alfred was unconsciously broadening in his knowledge; life in its
+various phases was unfolding to him, and he was profiting by his
+experiences. His faults appeared very great to others, were only an
+incentive to him. He had learned thus early that it was not the being
+exempt from faults so much as to have the will power to overcome them.
+
+In early life he had it very strongly impressed upon his mind that some
+men were perfect, others hopelessly vile. Experience and observation
+forced Alfred to the conclusion that none were so good but that some
+thought them bad, and none so vile but that some thought them good.
+
+We generally judge others as to their attitude towards us, agreeable or
+otherwise. Our estimate of another depends greatly upon the manner in
+which that person affects our interests. It is difficult to think well
+or speak well of those by whom we are crossed or thwarted. But we are
+ever ready to find excuses for the vices of those who are useful and
+agreeable to us. Therefore, he is a mighty poor mortal who is not
+something on his own account.
+
+Alfred had graduated in that dear old school of experience, wherein
+education costs more but lasts longer than that acquired in colleges,
+that it is with the follies of the mind as with the weeds of a
+field--those destroyed and consumed upon the place of their growth,
+enrich and improve that place more than if none had ever grown there.
+
+The boy had been so continually advised against evil associates that he
+began taking a mental inventory of every stranger at first meeting.
+
+Harrison was his estimate of the bad; Mr. Steele of the good.
+
+Alfred had arrived at that stage where he not only stood aside and
+watched himself go by, but he was also watching the other fellow go by.
+
+He was out of newspaper business, out of the tannery, had abandoned the
+practice of medicine. Charley's father, who was very strict with his
+boys, advised the parent to "give Alfred more tether, not to stake him
+down too close. Give him a little more rope, there's something in that
+boy." All of which was communicated to Alfred by Cousin Charley, and
+Uncle Bill was thus greatly elevated in Alfred's estimation.
+
+Alfred's father was little short of a genius in a mechanical way; he had
+a peculiar temperament, mild and easily influenced. He was a creditable
+artist; many meritorious paintings from his brush in both oil and water
+adorn the walls of the residences of his friends. He was greatly
+interested in mechanical pursuits, particularly if of an artistic
+character.
+
+When Uncle Joe prepared to build a house, "Pap" made the plans; when
+Sells Brothers built a tableau car or an animal van of an elaborate
+character, "daddy" made the drawings; when Aunt Betsy desired patterns
+to make a quilt to take the premium at the fair, "pap" made the drawings
+or figures.
+
+He became acquainted with an artist from Philadelphia and was completely
+taken with the man's talents. The artist informed him in confidence that
+he had expended the greater portion of his man life on a work of art
+that would astonish the world, the father became even more interested in
+him.
+
+The father was the only person who had ever been permitted to look upon
+the wonderful creation of his genius; yard after yard of art was unwound
+for the admiration of the father. When he returned from his second visit
+to the art gallery of the Philadelphia artist, he interested the family
+greatly by his description of the wonderful scenes the painter had
+wrought on the canvas.
+
+The sufferings and privations endured by the man while creating his work
+seemed to make as profound an impression upon the father as the painting
+itself.
+
+The father predicted that the talented painter would come into his own;
+the painting would be exhibited all over the world, admiring throngs
+would rush to see it to praise its incomparable beauties.
+
+The father made weekly visits to the home of the great painter, he
+desired frequent conferences with the father as he required his advice,
+at least, he so stated.
+
+After one of his frequent visits to the art studio the parent
+inadvertently let fall the remark that the great painting was about
+ready for exhibition but that the artist did not have money to complete
+it. He also hinted that if Alfred were a boy of proper ambitions he
+might become attached to the exhibition of the picture, but no,
+"Alfred's ambition did not rise above saw-dust and burnt-cork."
+
+These few words aroused Alfred's curiosity. By adroit questioning he
+ascertained that the great work of art was a panorama illustrative of
+"The Pilgrim's Progress," to be exhibited in churches, schools and such
+places, at twenty-five cents for adults; children, half price.
+
+The mother wondered that the artist did not exhibit his wonderful
+painting in the art centers, Philadelphia, Boston, New York City,
+instead of Butler, Pittsburg, Perryopolis and Muttontown. The father
+explained that after the professor got the rollers to working smoothly
+and the lecture down pat, he intended visiting Philadelphia, Boston and
+New York.
+
+Alfred began to realize that the picture was some sort of a show and he
+marvelled that his father favored it. Lin said:
+
+"So fur es I kin kalkerlate it es some sort of meetin' house show,
+nuthin' but picturs. Hit may be good, but durned ef I ever got much
+satisfaction out uf a cirkus lookin' at the picturs. But I s'pose peepul
+will want to look at the feller thet made hit. They say thet he nurly
+starved to death to git hit done. Ye know, they'll run to see him. Mor
+en they will his pictur--I reckon he has long curley hair an black eyes,
+they all has, them sufferin' fellers that due wunderful things."
+
+Lin glancing mischievously at the mother in a tone she pretended to be
+only for the mother's hearing but really delivered for Alfred's
+annoyance. "Well, I hope he kums to Red Stun' Skule-house. It's whur all
+the big shows gits thur start; they allus git a crowd, the skule
+direkturs sees to thet an' ef they don't make muny, Sammy Steele'll hulp
+'em out."
+
+How did she know about Sammy Steele and his loan? It was long afterwards
+that Alfred learned that Joe Thornton had confidentially imparted to
+Bill Wyatt, the tavern keeper, the part that he and Steele had played in
+Alfred's show life Wyatt, in turn, confidentially imparted the story,
+with a few additions, to Uncle Bill. The uncle confided the story to the
+family and Cousin Charley gave it to the town--but what's the use.
+
+Professor Palmer, the artist, was to visit the family the following
+Sunday. When there appeared a smallish, Yankee looking individual,
+wrinkled face, a tuft of beard on his chin, similar to that bestowed
+upon the comic cartoons of the face of Uncle Sam, a beaked nose, very
+dirty hands and iron grey hair, sparsely sprinkled over his acorn-shaped
+head, Alfred thought a farmer or stock breeder had called on his father.
+
+When introduced by the father as "My son, Alfred, Professor Palmer,"
+Alfred was taken off his feet and his idea of art dropped away down. The
+only attraction of the professor was his eloquence, his ability to talk
+entertainingly. This he did continuously with a pronunciation so correct
+and studied that it sounded pedantic. The professor kept up his talk, as
+affected at times as the hand-cuff king's stage announcements or those
+of the middleman in a minstrel show.
+
+After dinner the professor expressed a desire to take a walk with
+Alfred. They walked far, the professor talked long, and became
+annoyingly confidential. He said: "Your father has told me a great deal
+about you and I must admit that you are a mighty smart young man. You
+don't belong in this one-horse town, you should get out in the world
+where there are opportunities waiting for all such as you. You could
+live in this town a thousand years and you'd be just what you are now.
+You have had some experience in the show line but in a line that is
+beneath you; your place in the show business is higher up. I want your
+advice," he continued insinuatingly. "Now, I offered John (he referred
+to Alfred's father), the best thing of his life. He has worked hard all
+of his days; he is deserving of something better. I have offered him a
+half interest in my show. ("Holy Mother of Moses!" thought Alfred). I
+have borrowed a little money from him but I need nine hundred dollars
+more to put me out right. Now Jack is considering the matter. I wish
+you, who know more about the show business than both of us put together,
+(Alfred knew he was being flattered), would talk to him, use your
+influence with him."
+
+Notwithstanding Alfred's life's ambition to become a showman, the idea
+as presented by the professor filled him with disgust. His father going
+into the show business! He had pictured show life in his illusions as
+one long, summer day's dream, but now it seemed the meanest of careers.
+The idea of his father associating himself with such a calling was
+repugnant in the extreme. Alfred could scarcely restrain his thoughts
+from taking expression in wrathful words.
+
+The man continued, not noticing Alfred's changed expression: "You could
+sing and dance in this entertainment, do just what you pleased, it would
+make it all the better. I'll deliver the lecture and your daddy, (he was
+becoming insultingly familiar), could sit at the door and rake in the
+money. Hasn't the old man talked to you about it? I've been talking to
+him for six months."
+
+"Talking to my father about going into the show business and he did not
+knock you down. If he didn't he is a hypocrite." This is only what
+Alfred thought; his reply was: "No, sir." He did not realize whether
+"No, sir" was the answer to the professor's question or the announcement
+of the decision he had come to in his mind as to the show business in so
+far as his father was concerned.
+
+The professor rattled on: "Now, you get your old man away from the women
+folks and talk it over with him. It's the best thing ever offered him;
+he'll get his nine hundred dollars back before a month is out. I'm going
+to do business with churches and preachers wherever I can. I preached
+four years in Missouri and had to give it up on account of my health; I
+got stomach trouble from eating rich food. I know just how to work this
+thing, and if you and your daddy go in with me we will not only make
+money but have a hell of a good time."
+
+They had arrived at the door of Alfred's home. The professor, as they
+passed in, admonished Alfred to "Think it over and let me hear from
+you."
+
+The professor was soon in the midst of a description of a scene he
+intended introducing in his church entertainment wherein he used living
+figures. Alfred did not follow his conversation; he was trying to think,
+but could not think connectedly. He could not talk to the professor, he
+answered him by nods or shakes of his head. The more reticent Alfred
+became the more voluble the professor grew.
+
+At leave-taking time, the professor admonished Alfred: "Do not forget
+what I told you." Alfred promised that he would not and he was sincere;
+he could not have forgotten had he tried.
+
+The professor gone, Alfred hurried to his room. Was it possible that his
+father had even partially entertained an idea of joining the man Palmer
+in a show scheme, the father, who had berated, abused and condemned all
+and everything pertaining to shows, now favorably considering engaging
+in the show business himself.
+
+Alfred endeavored to find excuses for his father--"He was generous,
+sympathetic, he was listening to the professor only to encourage him."
+Alfred had never been subjected to the influence of a promoter; this was
+a leaf of life yet unturned by him.
+
+Alfred felt certain that his father had entered into some sort of an
+arrangement with the professor. He felt certain the panorama man was
+endeavoring to induce his father to invest money in the panorama and he
+finally resolved that it should not be.
+
+The more he thought the matter over, the more distasteful show life
+appeared to him.
+
+Then the illusion came back to him. He had dreamed by night and prayed
+by day; he had lived for years with the wish, the hope that he might,
+after a few years of show life, earn enough to gratify his life's
+desires, to possess a farm, to own fine horses, to plant fields, to reap
+harvests, to live near nature.
+
+He figured over several sheets of white paper. He would be compelled to
+labor forty years in the tannery to acquire sufficient money to buy a
+farm and nearly one hundred years in the newspaper office.
+
+Jimmy Reynolds, the clown with Thayer & Noyse Circus, received one
+hundred dollars a week, board and lodging, so Alfred had been informed.
+Alfred felt in the innermost depths of his soul that he was a much
+better clown than Jimmy. He would secure the position now held by
+Reynolds--one hundred dollars each week for thirty weeks, three thousand
+dollars a year; ten years, thirty thousand dollars. Ten years a clown,
+then a farm. Show business was improper for the father but the means to
+attain the end for the son, as he reasoned.
+
+When Lin found the figures and writing on the many sheets of scribbling
+paper in his room, she pondered long and confusedly over them.
+
+"What in the world hes thet consarned boy got intu his punkin' agin?
+Thirty years a clown, ninety-nine years in a nusepaper, furty years in
+the tan-yard, and a farmer all the rest uf my life." Then she laughed.
+"He must think he'll be as ole as Methusulus got." She carried the paper
+to the mother.
+
+They confronted Alfred with the sheets on which were scribbled the
+hieroglyphics. Alfred laughingly said it was a new way to tell fortunes.
+
+Alfred decided to talk to the father the first opportunity that offered.
+Father and son were seated in the front room. "Father"--Alfred rarely
+addressed the parent as "father;" "Pap" was the every-day appellation
+but the present matter was of greater importance--"Father, I would like
+to talk to you privately and want you to answer me truthfully."
+
+The father had his feet on a stool reclining in the big, easy chair. At
+the words "answer me truthfully," the father's feet fell to the floor,
+his cigar dropped until it lay on his chinbeard; the man looked at the
+boy to convince himself he had heard aright.
+
+"Why, what the h--ll tarnation do you mean?"
+
+Alfred was frightened, his voice trembled and sounded unlike his own,
+but he was determined.
+
+"Father, I want to talk to you, come upstairs to my room."
+
+If Alfred had not been so earnest, the scene would have been a laughable
+one, as it was like burlesquing many similar scenes when the parent
+addressed the boy in the same words. Alfred walked up the steps very
+slowly, hoping thereby to cause the parent to follow. It was a long time
+(to Alfred) ere the father entered the room.
+
+"What's the trouble now?" began the man, as he gazed inquiringly at the
+boy.
+
+"Who is this man Palmer whom you are so greatly taken up with?" inquired
+Alfred.
+
+"Why, what's that to you? He's a friend of mine."
+
+"Has he a show?" was the boy's next query.
+
+"A show? Not a show like you know anything of. He has a painting, a work
+of art, that will be exhibited soon."
+
+"Father, you have always berated, abused and condemned shows and show
+people. Did this man Palmer borrow money from you?"
+
+The father was confused. He reddened as he stammered: "No--no--not much.
+You see he is a poor devil of an artist, he would rather paint than eat;
+he has spent years of his life on a painting. He has a fortune almost in
+his hands and I loaned him a little money to buy glue and colors to
+finish his painting. I tell you, he is a genius; why, the roller the
+pictures work on is one of the most ingenious contrivances you ever saw
+and it's simple, it can be applied to other uses. No man but a genius
+like Palmer would have thought of it."
+
+This and much more information he gave Alfred. By his manner Alfred
+could readily see that the parent was greatly interested in Palmer and
+his scheme--for Alfred felt such it was.
+
+"Well, then, father, you have changed your mind as to shows?"
+
+"Who said I had? No, I have not changed my mind as to shows! Who told
+you I had? But your Uncle Will, who thinks more of you than you think he
+does, has persuaded me to give you your own way a little more and if you
+want to go with Palmer I will consent to it after I see Palmer and put
+you under his charge. He must control you just as I want you controlled.
+He is a man who knows how to manage boys; he is a man you can depend
+upon and I don't mind you going with him if it can be arranged to suit
+me and your mother. I am glad you asked my consent and did not run off,
+like you threatened to do with the nigger minstrels." And he emphasized
+"nigger minstrels" to strongly convince Alfred of his disgust with that
+branch of show business.
+
+The father was so completely wrapped up in Palmer, so totally captivated
+by the eloquence of the man that he had altogether mistaken the
+questions of the boy.
+
+"Father, has Palmer tried to get nine hundred dollars out of you? Did he
+want you to buy a half interest in the show?"
+
+"Well," hesitatingly he answered, "Palmer has got to raise some money
+and he asked me to help him out. I haven't said whether I would or not.
+If you go with him you could look after money matters for----."
+
+Here Alfred interrupted the parent: "Have you said anything to mother
+about this? You know when you went into the patent wash-board concern
+with Niblo and grandpap, you never told mother and when you got took in
+with Uncle Thomas on the patent shoe blacking, you said you would never
+enter into anything outside your business without asking mother's
+advice. And now you're dickering with this man Palmer about a show,
+something you know nothing about. Now Pap--."
+
+The wash-board and blacking were two of the father's investments that
+were losses, so he became very much irritated at mention of them and
+checked the son.
+
+"Now you hold on, young man! If you tell your mother anything of this,
+you and I will have trouble. You're meddling with matters that don't
+concern you. I thought you called me in to ask my permission to go with
+Palmer. Now you set yourself up to pry into my business. I'm your
+father, I've always taken care of you and I am able to take care of
+myself. I don't want a green boy to look after me."
+
+"Well, Pap; I'm not trying to nose into your business. You told Palmer
+that I knowed a heap about the show business, and you recommended me
+highly as a showman."
+
+The father was sizzling. "Who told you so?"
+
+"Why, Palmer himself. Now, I don't want to brag on myself," continued
+Alfred who had gained confidence as the interview progressed, "but I've
+seen a great deal of this show business and you've got to know what
+you're doing when you get into it. Why, look how many men have lost all
+their money." And here Alfred mentioned the names of several men, the
+details of whose losses in show schemes he had read in the _New York
+Clipper_.
+
+"Why," he continued, in an outburst of confidence, "I"--and he
+emphasized the "I"--"I lost money on my last show." He should have
+added, "my first and last show." But the boy felt that he had pap going.
+"I had to borrow money from Sammy Steele to pay my debts."
+
+The father gasped. "So you've been borrowing money to get into the show
+business?"
+
+"No, I had to borrow money to get out of it and that's why I don't want
+you to loan Palmer money without you ask mother."
+
+Alfred knew full well that this reference to the mother would bring the
+father to terms.
+
+"Now look here, my boy; I warned you once before not to blab my business
+to your mother to make trouble in the family--"
+
+"Well, I'm going to tell her," broke in the boy.
+
+"You're going to tell her what?" threateningly asked the father.
+
+"I'm not going to tell her anything about you," replied Alfred somewhat
+subdued, "I'm just going to tell her that Palmer is trying to borrow
+money from you."
+
+The mother was no different from other women. The father knew full well
+that her first remark would be: "So Palmer wants to borrow money! So
+that's what brought him here! He is a slick one, you could tell that by
+his talk. John, I hope you are not fool enough to loan that man money."
+"No, Mary, don't worry yourself, he'll get no money out of me, I could
+see through him the first time I met him."
+
+This line of conversation had been heard so often in the family that it
+was stereotyped on the memory of all. The father therefore capitulated,
+and in a tone intended to pacify the boy he said: "Now there's no use
+in stirring up anything over this matter. If you want to go with Palmer
+I will gain your mother's consent. I'll tell her you have asked my
+permission. I will permit you to remain there as long as you do right.
+You know more about this business than I do and I'll leave it all in
+your hands and I'll tell Palmer so," the father resignedly concluded.
+
+His father had outgeneraled him; he was not the diplomat he imagined
+himself. He was left in deeper doubt than before the interview.
+
+Letters came from Palmer. Alfred knew by the postmark that they were
+from him. He was tempted to open them. The father read the letters and
+placed them in the desk, never mentioning Palmer's name. This was very
+perplexing to Alfred.
+
+It was reported that Palmer's great panorama was coming. It was also
+reported that Alfred's Uncle Thomas, the minister, Uncle Ned, Uncle
+Will, grandpap, and all of Alfred's relatives who had opposed his show
+ambitions previously, sanctioned his going with Professor Palmer's
+Panorama.
+
+Uncle Thomas explained that Palmer was a retired minister, that the
+surroundings, instead of being degrading, would be uplifting; taking it
+all in all, John and Mary had acted wisely in giving their consent to
+Alfred's joining Professor Palmer's Panorama of Pilgrim's Progress.
+
+Somehow it got out that Alfred was not anxious to go. Lin, in referring
+to the latter phase of the matter, said: "I jes can't understan' hit.
+Uncle Thomas ses hit will satusfy Alfurd's ambishun an' possibly settle
+his min'. But Alfurd don't seem to want to go. Maybe hit's his muther.
+Alfurd is a great muther's boy, ye wouldn't think hit either, he's sech
+a tarnel devil ketcher, but he is. I guess he don't like the idee uf
+this prayur meetin' show an' the show fellur thet painted hit he jes
+disspises. I bet ye a fip ef hit wus a show with hosses an' gals ur
+singin' niggurs he'd bust a biler to go. Be durned if he ain't the
+queerest cuss I ever seed. Why, it tuk the hull kit uf us tu head him
+frum runnin' off with a show a while back. Now, be dog-goned ef ye kin
+chase him off with a pack of Bob Playford's houn's."
+
+It was announced by the father that Palmer would be the guest of the
+family for a day.
+
+Alfred determined to have a heart-to-heart talk with Palmer, pretend he
+was in full accord with his plans, engage to go with the panorama and
+thus protect the father in his dealings with the man.
+
+Palmer arrived and with him an open faced, honest appearing Pennsylvania
+Dutchman, from Bedford County, whom Palmer introduced as Jake. Jake had
+a continuous smile. Sometimes it expanded but never contracted. The
+smile was a fixture and it became Jake greatly. He rarely spoke, the
+smile sort of atoned for his reticence as it assured those addressing
+him that Jake was not deaf, even though dumb.
+
+It was not necessary to question Palmer; he was a willing subject,
+volunteering all the testimony necessary to set Alfred's mind at rest.
+
+In answer to the query as to whether father had concluded to take an
+interest in the panorama now that he, Alfred, had decided to go with it,
+Palmer rolled off his reply so rapidly that Alfred could scarcely follow
+his words.
+
+"I hope John will not be angry with me, I offered him first chance and
+held off until I almost lost the other fellow. John's all right but he's
+too conservative. He's afraid of his wife and he'll never make money as
+long as he continues in business in this town. This Dutchman, Jake, had
+the money, he is anxious to travel, he has never been outside of Bedford
+County. Jake has a team, a fine team. We can't stick anywhere. He'd sell
+the team if I said the word. He will haul the whole outfit. I am going
+to buy another team and a good one, then I can take my wife and you and
+go ahead and have all the arrangements made before Jake arrives with
+the panorama. Of course if John talks his wife into it he will want to
+come in later. We can easily get rid of Jake, he's a "gilly." This is
+the very business for John. He is a painter, he could paint the
+panoramas; all he requires is a little experience with water colors.
+Why, look at those flags on the old fellow's barn out the pike; no one
+but an artist could shade and color like that.[A] Those flags are
+painted so naturally they appear to be fluttering in the wind. John and
+me could go in together, and paint panoramas of Bull Run and other
+battles and sell them or send out a half a dozen. This war will make the
+panorama business good. Your daddy is good on flags and eagles and sich;
+that's where I am weak. We could make all kinds of money."
+
+The exhibitions would be confined to churches and educational
+institutions; therefore, it was most fortunate for Alfred that he should
+be privileged to become attached to an exhibition that possessed the
+elevating and refining influences of the great moral entertainment of
+Professor Palmer.
+
+The father, instead of requesting the minister to ask the blessing, as
+was his custom, nodded to Palmer. All bowed their heads as Palmer, in a
+loud voice, called down a blessing upon the food, the father, the
+mother, and the boy about to go out into the world to seek his fortune;
+he also prayed for Lin. He called down a blessing upon the panorama and
+that it might attract thousands that the great moral lesson it was
+designed to teach might be carried to the furthermost corners of the
+earth.
+
+Alfred could not resist the impulse to raise his eyes. The very beard on
+Palmer's chin was quivering with the fervor of his beseechings. All were
+bowed in respectful reverence except Jake--he was gazing nowhere, the
+smile a little more expansive.
+
+After the men had retired from the dining room, Lin, the mother and
+Alfred remained seated. Lin turned a cup in the tea-grounds. She read
+that Alfred would wander a long way off and "maybe kum back with a great
+bag of gold, at eny rate, he wus carryin' a heavy load."
+
+Finally Lin, turning to the mother, inquired: "What did ye think uf the
+blessin'?"
+
+"It was very fervent," absently answered the mother.
+
+Lin sniffed. "Well, I'd swore afore a volcany uf fire thet I smelled
+licker on both uf 'em."
+
+The mother communicated Lin's suspicions to the father. He admitted that
+Jake might be addicted to liquor. Palmer, as an artist, used a great
+deal of alcohol to dissolve the shellac used for sizing the canvas
+preparatory to painting and the fumes of alcohol would pervade a man's
+clothing a long time after being subjected to its permeating influences.
+
+Lin, with a twinkle in her eye, declared in a loud whisper as the father
+left the room: "Well, durned ef I wus him ef I wouldn't change my
+clothes afore I asked a blessin' agin."
+
+The mother was very much worried. She communicated her fears to Uncle
+Thomas and Aunt Sarah. Uncle William, the county judge, was called into
+conference. He advised that since Alfred seemed inclined to a roving
+life it would be better for him to be connected with a religious show
+than with a worldly one for he would be free from the vicious
+surroundings of a circus or minstrel show, and suggested that a binding
+contract be made with Palmer.
+
+Grandfather secured a copy of the contract under which his brother, the
+judge, had been apprenticed, and had a copy made to fit Alfred's
+engagement to Palmer.
+
+The following is an exact copy of the indenture which bound Uncle
+William to learn the trade of a blacksmith. It is now on record in the
+county courthouse at Uniontown, Pennsylvania:
+
+    THIS INDENTURE WITNESSETH: That William Hatfield, of the
+    Township of Union, in the County of Fayette, State of
+    Pennsylvania, hath put himself by the approbation of his
+    guardian, John Withrow, and by these presents doth voluntarily
+    put himself an apprentice to George Wintermute, of the township
+    of Redstone, county and state aforesaid, blacksmith, to learn
+    his art, trade or mystery he now occupieth or followeth, and
+    after the manner of an apprentice to serve from the day of the
+    date hereof, for and during the full end and term of five years,
+    next ensuing, during all of which time he, the said apprentice,
+    his said master shall faithfully serve, his secrets keep, his
+    lawful commands everywhere gladly obey; he shall do no damage to
+    his said master, nor suffer it to be done without giving notice
+    to his said master; he shall not waste his master's goods, nor
+    lend them unlawfully to others; he shall not absent himself day
+    or night from his master's service without his leave; he shall
+    not commit any unlawful deed whereby his said master shall
+    sustain damage, nor contract matrimony within the said term; he
+    shall not buy nor sell nor make any contract whatsoever, whereby
+    his master receive damage, but in all things behave himself as a
+    faithful apprentice ought to do during said term. And the said
+    George Wintermute shall use the utmost of his endeavors to
+    teach, or cause to be taught and instructed, the said apprentice
+    the trade or mystery he now occupieth or followeth, and procure
+    and provide for him, the said apprentice, sufficient meat,
+    drink, common wearing apparel, washing, lodging, fitting for an
+    apprentice during the said term; and further he, the said
+    master, doth agree to give unto the said apprentice, ten months'
+    schooling within the said term, and also the master doth agree
+    to give unto the said apprentice two weeks in harvest in each
+    and every year that he, the said apprentice, shall stay with his
+    said master; also the said George Wintermute, doth agree to give
+    unto the said apprentice one good freedom suit of clothes. And
+    for the true performance of all and every the said covenants and
+    agreements, either of the said parties binds themselves to each
+    other by these presents.
+
+    In witness whereof, they have interchangably put their hands and
+    seals, the first day of April, one thousand, eight hundred and
+    sixteen.
+
+    GEORGE WINTERMUTE, (Seal)
+    WILLIAM HATFIELD,  (Seal)
+    JOHN WITHROW,      (Seal)
+
+    Witness present:
+        BENJAMIN ROBERTS.
+
+
+    FAYETTE COUNTY, SS.:
+
+    May the 29th, one thousand eight hundred and sixteen, before me
+    the subscriber, one of the justices of the peace, in and for the
+    said county, came the parties to the within indenture and
+    severally acknowledged it as their act and deed. Given under my
+    hand and seal the day and year above mentioned.
+
+        BENJAMIN ROBERTS,  (Seal)
+
+A copy of the paper binding Alfred to George Washington Palmer is on
+record in the county courthouse at Leesburg, Loudoun County, Virginia.
+Grandfather argued that if his brother, the judge, could accumulate
+farms and town property and raise himself to the dignity of a judge,
+Alfred certainly should do equally as well.
+
+It was not many days before Alfred's duties would take him away from
+home and he began a round of visits to bid all good-bye.
+
+[Illustration: The Taffy Pulling]
+
+Cousin Mary Craft gave a cotillion party in the country. Cousins Hester
+and Martha gave a party in town. Frank Long gave a taffy pulling. The
+hot plates of taffy were placed outside the kitchen door on the brick
+walk to cool before the taffy was pulled. Archibald Long, Frank's
+father, not knowing of the taffy's location, walked out of the house in
+his stocking feet, as was his custom ere he retired. In the darkness he
+planted one foot, then the other, in a plate of the hot taffy. This
+caused him to jump several feet in the air. He started to run. At each
+step his feet found another taffy plate. Gobs of the hot stuff sticking
+to his feet, pressing up between his toes, the old man introduced a
+dance--a high kicking dance that would have won him fame and fortune on
+the stage. The hot gobs of taffy clinging to his expansive, woolen
+sock-encased feet caused him such intense pain, the old man endeavored
+to introduce a new stunt, namely, to throw both feet in the air at the
+same time.
+
+All the boys and girls ran from the dining room at the first sound of
+the yells of the old man. The lamps within enlightened the weird scene
+without.
+
+When both feet were flung in the air simultaneously the old man sat down
+suddenly. He sat on the largest plate, with the hottest gob of taffy in
+the collection. His seat had barely touched the plate, the taffy had
+scarcely squashed through his jeans pants, until he made an effort to
+rise again. Failing in this he flopped on his stomach, clutching and
+tearing at his seat of latest misery, taffy stringing from his fingers.
+
+Rearing his rear end high in the taffy laden air he planted his head in
+another plate of taffy which, was still tenderly clinging to the few
+straggling hairs on the old man's pate, as they carried him into the
+house, the taffy plate on his head like the crown of the old king.
+Gradually dangling, it descended to the floor, only to be trampled in
+the dust by the rabble.
+
+The old man was put to bed. Poultices of apple butter, sweet-oil and a
+whitish-bluish clay dug from the bottom of the spring were applied to
+his blistered parts.
+
+The taffy pulling party, the scene of gayety so suddenly transformed to
+one of suffering, lives in the memory of Alfred by the recollection of
+long threads of amber colored taffy shimmering in the soft moonlight as
+they clung to the plum tree branches where the old man's vigorous kicks
+had landed them.
+
+It was maple sugar making time. Uncle Jacob Irons, who lived near
+Masontown fifteen miles away, had a large sugar grove. A visit to Uncle
+Jake's was always one continued round of pleasure. The staid uncle,
+jolly Aunt Bettie, Kate and Tillie, Joe and George, John and Wilson,
+were always delighted to have Alfred visit them.
+
+It was a day that marked the passing of winter and the coming of spring,
+after a night of light freezing with a white frost, the morning sun
+shining all the brighter that he had been hazed so long by winter's
+shadows. The earth, the trees, appeared even more brown and barren by
+contrast with the splendors of the sky. Here and there a patch of snow,
+left sheltered by tree or fence, seemingly endeavoring to hide from the
+sunbeams that came out of the south, to pour its flood of warmth on it
+until it melted and mouldered away.
+
+It was springtime, the boyhood of the year, when half the world is rhyme
+and music is the other. It was springtime in the country, far from the
+city and the ways of men. The mountains in the distance, brown colored
+in spots, the peaks, like winter kings with beards of snow, seemed to
+say: "'Tis time for me to go northward o'er the icy rocks, northward
+o'er the sea. Come the spring with all its splendor, all its buds and
+all its blossoms, all its flowers and all its grasses."
+
+It was a day that awakened feelings that seemed sacred. Have you ever
+lived in the country? Have you ever visited in the country in
+springtime? Have you ever asked yourself: "I wonder if the sap in the
+sugar trees is stirring yet? Is the sugar water dripping?" Have you ever
+worked in a sugar camp, such as there were in old Fayette County in
+those days?
+
+Nearer the south than bleak New England, the trees more full of sap, the
+sap sweeter than it flows anywhere on earth. The trees in the camp
+tapped, the spiles driven, the sweet water dropping; the boys and girls,
+the men, yes, the women too, gathering the sap. The day is warm, the run
+a big one; to save it, all must hustle the big barrels loaded on the
+sleds as the horses move from one tree to another, turning over the
+mosses and dried leaves, exposing the Johnny-jump-ups and violets as if
+they were just peeping up through the ground at the busy scene.
+
+The redbird is singing in the tree, his plumage all the brighter for the
+winter's bleaching. The day is not long enough, the night is consumed.
+The boys from all the country about gather at the camp. The moon was a
+book and every star a word that read fun and frolic to the jolly crowd
+at the camp at Uncle Jake's that night.
+
+Alfred sang songs, and told jokes.
+
+They had sugared off, made a big kettle of sugar. Some dipped big
+spoonfuls of the thickened syrup from the kettle, and poured it slowly
+into tin cups filled with ice cold water. As it cooled the large lump of
+wax was pulled out of the water with the fingers. Some, with buttered
+hands, worked the wax until they had whitish taffy, others filled their
+mouths with the wax as it came from the water.
+
+The writer will engage to cure any case of stomach trouble that ever
+worried man or woman with this maple wax.
+
+The night wore on, the fun flagged. Ben Paul, a husky country boy,
+proposed that two or three go to Nick Yonse's still house and procure a
+little "licker." Cousin Wilson frowned upon this proposal but as the
+boys were his guests he did not further protest. It was impossible to
+awaken anyone to get the matured article from the distillery; therefore,
+with the aid of a clothesline fastened to a jug which Ben lowered into a
+vat filled with corn juice distilled the day previous, a supply was
+secured. Ben returned to the camp. He was truthful when he explained
+that the offering he brought was no old stale stuff such as they were
+accustomed to, but something new and fresh.
+
+Its newness did not deter the boys from helping themselves to big swigs
+from the jug, smoothing out their wry faces with draughts of sugar
+water. Cousin Wilson refused to participate as he busied himself with
+his work. The sight of a tin cup made Alfred fearful that he would spill
+his sugar. He also declined. After the custom that had prevailed in the
+tavern cellar, the tin cup went round and round, the result was the same
+or nearly so as at the tavern. Some sang, others danced, one or two
+slept, some wanted to fight. Alfred attempted to pour melody on the
+troubled revellers but the only effect of his song was to encourage Ben
+Paul to knock the bottom out of a new tin pail endeavoring to keep time
+to the song as he had seen Alfred do with the tambourine.
+
+Cousin John, unnoticed by Cousin Wilson, was chief among those who
+passed the tin cup around. John was of a friendly disposition and, not
+to be rude to his guests, sent the cup around often. Several of the boys
+retired into the shadows of the trees just beyond the glare of the
+furnace fire to regret their mixing corn and sugar.
+
+[Illustration: The Night at the Sugar Camp]
+
+Wilson plainly informed John that this thing had gone far enough. It was
+John's idea of courtesy, or rather his confused notion, that a host's
+guests should be permitted to conduct themselves as best suited their
+pleasure. Several of them wanted to fight. John said, "All right, let
+them fight." Wilson interfered.
+
+John stepped out of the circle and invited any one or all present to
+come out. "Any of you excepting Alfred, he's all right. I can lick any
+of you with one hand tied behind my back," and John spat on both hands.
+"Come out yer," he pleadingly invited Wilson, "or anyone excepting
+Alfred."
+
+John, when he invited any or all of the others out, had evidently
+forgotten his courtesy to his guests or probably he desired to further
+increase their pleasure. Perhaps that was the way he reasoned it, as
+several had declared they would rather fight than eat. John did not wish
+them to go home feeling they had missed anything.
+
+As a last request, John just pleaded with Wilson to step out. He seemed
+more anxious to have Wilson tackle him than any other. As a last
+declaration of what he wouldn't sacrifice to have Wilson step out, he
+concluded as he slapped his hands together: "Step out, ole feller, just
+step out yer. Will you? I'll fight you anyway, I'll fight you now. Come
+on; I don't care a dam if I have my Sunday pants on, I'll fight you
+anyhow."
+
+The shouts of the boys could be heard re-echoing up and down the hollows
+as they wended their ways homeward. The moon had gone down, the night
+was darkened; it was nearly dawn. The fire had gone down in the furnace,
+the steam ceased to rise from the kettles, the hoot of the old night
+owl, after the scenes of the night, made it seem even more quiet.
+
+How to get John into the house that Uncle Jake and the family, might not
+be awakened, concerned both Alfred and Wilson. To Alfred was delegated
+the task of conducting John home. John led quietly until a shout of
+laughter from those bringing up the rear was heard which he chose to
+construe as derision directed at him, and then he balked. Alfred would
+get him quieted and thus they finally reached the house.
+
+Here John balked again. Alfred and Wilson were both over sensitive. If
+the folks discovered John's condition it would reflect upon them. Alfred
+greatly feared that Mrs. Young and Uncle Jake would blame him for John's
+downfall. They had about made up their minds to carry John to the barn
+and stow him away in the hay mow but it had turned uncomfortably cool
+and this plan was abandoned. Alfred opened the door leading to the
+stairs, partly pulling and pushing him upstairs. He landed John in the
+room, where he fell over on the bed.
+
+John muttered and mumbled, flapping and flinging his arms wildly about
+his head--he arose to a sitting posture. Alfred endeavored to lay him
+down. His face and head were covered with cold perspiration. Alfred knew
+the symptoms of the distressing effects that follow the circulation of a
+tin cup. He hustled John out of bed. John floundered away from him in
+the darkness, and found his way into an unused room. Alfred could hear
+him but could not locate him. Groping his way in the darkness Alfred
+kept calling in a muffled voice: "John, John, John, where are you? Come
+to me."
+
+Just then the house seemed to shake from roof to cellar as John and his
+two hundred pounds fell over Uncle Jake's home-made sausage stuffer. The
+stuffer was ten feet long. Stuffer and John carried a big rocking chair,
+a tin boiler and several other reverberating pieces of household junk
+with them.
+
+Ere Alfred could rescue John from the mass of ruins under and on which
+he was piled, John began to realize how difficult it is to retain what
+you have no matter how strongly you desire to do so. Alfred had to get
+out of hearing of John's sufferings to suppress his feeling. He felt
+very deeply for John from the very bottom of his stomach; in fact, the
+bottom of his stomach seemed disposed to come up. He endeavored to
+divert his thoughts but they went back to a tin cup, a wheel-barrow,
+cow's ears and other things.
+
+Uncle Jake came out of his room. "What's the matter, what's up? You boys
+trying to tear down the house? What's the trouble anyway?"
+
+"Oh, John's drunk too much syrup and it's made him deathly sick," Alfred
+began to explain. Uncle Jake interrupted him, saying, as he backed into
+the room and closed the door: "Oh, I thought Sammy Steele's mule had
+kicked some of you."
+
+The wings of fame fly slowly, reputation travels faster. It is said that
+remorse is the echo of a lost virtue. Alfred felt that remorse of
+conscience that can come only to one who has fallen and lived on in the
+happy illusions that no one heard him drop.
+
+Governor Tener, Doctor Van Voorhis, Mr. Daly and others of John's
+friends will no doubt be surprised at this leaf in his life. In all the
+years that John and Alfred have lived since, neither has ever forgotten
+his first experience with a tin cup that was loaded.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[A] The flags referred to were painted on the upper doors of James
+Fouts's barn, situated on the old pike three miles east of Brownsville.
+The flags were very brilliantly colored and naturally draped. They were
+the admiration of all travelers over the great thoroughfare. As the war
+progressed the Confederates raided near that section several times. The
+owner feared that the flags might imperil the safety of the barn and
+other buildings on his farm. He therefore sent an order to Alfred's
+father to paint the flags over, who desiring to cover their brilliant
+colors with one coat selected dark Prussian blue. Very soon after the
+flags were painted over, their colors began to appear through the blue.
+Not many hot summer days had gone by until the flags were almost as
+distinct as when first painted on the big doors of the barn. The
+reappearance of the flags was regarded as a phenomenon or a miracle by
+the country folk. The "Brownsville Clipper," in commenting upon the
+miracle, declared: "It is an omen of victory for the Federal armies; you
+cannot efface the Star Spangled Banner, it still waves on Fouts's barn."
+The paper criticized the owner for having the flags daubed over and
+intimated that Fouts was lacking in loyalty. (Fouts was a Democrat.
+Three weeks later the owner of the paper ordered Danny Stentz to pull in
+the big flag that hung out of the third story window of the "Clipper"
+building; the Confederates were reported as but fourteen miles away. The
+chemical properties of the coloring matter in the paints was the cause
+of the reappearance of the red bars of the flags through the blue paint
+that was spread over them.)
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER FOURTEEN
+
+    The man who borrows trouble
+      Is always on the rack,
+    For there's no way, by night or day,
+      That he can pay it back.
+
+
+    MT. PLEASANT, PA.
+
+    DEAR MUZ:
+
+    We got here safe and sound. This is a pretty place. Palmer lives
+    on the edge of the town; it's an old house; one end of it is all
+    taken up with his "art studio," he calls it. He biles glue and
+    the smell goes through the whole house. You and Lin thought I
+    stunk when I worked in the tannery, you ought to smell Palmer
+    and his art studio.
+
+    He has another preacher helping him. His wife is very quiet; she
+    is making the clothes for the panorama; they have a pile of
+    clothes to make. He asked me if I had read "Pilgrim's Progress."
+    He knows the book backwards, so I have to read it and learn it
+    too.
+
+    The way he talks this is a regular show, but he won't let you
+    call it a show. The painting looks awful to me but Palmer says
+    it looks all right under the lights. He is about done and wants
+    Pap to come over to see it. If he comes don't let him bring any
+    money.
+
+    Tell Lin to get my shotgun from under the feed trough in the cow
+    stable. She'd better get it quick. Turkey Evans knows where it
+    is and he'll steal it. Answer and let me know if he has stole it
+    yet.
+
+    Tom White is too short. If Cousin Charley was a few inches
+    taller I could get him this job. It takes tall people to be
+    characters in Pilgrim's Progress, especially "Christian," "Help"
+    and the "Evangelist." Jake's goin' to be somethin' in the
+    panorama.
+
+    They don't live very well; maybe Mrs. Palmer didn't know we were
+    coming and didn't fix for us. They have had no meat any meal
+    yet, only flitch.[B] Palmer works all night and sleeps all day.
+    He talks the rest of the time. His wife don't say nothin'; just
+    wears a sun bonnet. Maybe she has the newralgy.
+
+    Give my love to all. Your affectionate son,
+
+        ALFRED GRIFFITH HATFIELD.
+
+    P. N. B. Don't forgit the gun. Turner Simpson promised me when
+    Queen had pups to give me one. If he brings it you'll keep it,
+    won't you Muz?
+
+
+    MT. PLEASANT, PA.
+
+    DEAR MUZ:
+
+    The livin's no better, it's flitch every meal; they haven't had
+    pie or cake since we came. Palmer says when they get the thing
+    going we'll live on the fat on the land. His wife don't say
+    nothin', just sews and cooks and wears a sun-bonnet. They've got
+    two children somewhere. I heard Palmer say they'd have to stay,
+    that they'd be too much trouble on the road. This seemed to make
+    Mrs. Palmer more quiet, I reckon you'd call it sad. She ought to
+    say somethin', then a body would know what ails her. I don't
+    think it's newralgy. I told her mustard plasters always helped
+    Aunt Susan and she just looked at me.
+
+    I hope he gets her goin' soon, I'm hungry. If this show is good,
+    as he says she is, he ought to make enough to buy something to
+    eat besides flitch, corn meal and potatoes. He's got two more
+    scenes to paint, then we're ready to show her up.
+
+    Tom tried to help Mrs. Palmer wash the dishes, he broke two
+    plates. Palmer says he's all thumbs and mouth.
+
+        Your affectionate son,
+            ALFRED GRIFFITH HATFIELD.
+
+    P. S. Was the gun gone? The pup's a hound but it's bound to be
+    pretty, the children will like it. You keep it till I get home.
+
+
+    MT. PLEASANT, PA.
+
+    MY DEAR MUZ:
+
+    Palmer's the awfulest worker I ever saw. He knows his business
+    but he ain't got any money. We're waitin' on Jake to come.
+    Palmer owes everybody in town, they won't let him have anything
+    until he pays. The flitch gave out last night, and we had
+    nothin' but corn pone, buttermilk and potatoes. Palmer said he
+    ketched the gout once from high livin', and he did not want to
+    see another human suffer like he did. I guess his wife's dietin'
+    too, as she don't set down to eat with us.
+
+    Palmer is a wonderful man. He's got his lecture all wrote out
+    and all the characters and all the costumes for them. He's going
+    to begin the rehearsals tomorrow. Practicin' we called it. I
+    looked in the dictionary, rehearsing is to recite, to recount,
+    to relate, to repeat what has already been said, to recite in
+    private for experiment and improvement before a public
+    representation.
+
+    I have learned more from Palmer than anybody I was ever with.
+    The old preacher, Reverend Gideon, writes letters all day; he
+    has the names of all the churches and preachers and we know
+    where we are to be weeks before hand.
+
+    Jake came today and brought his two horses. They're nice horses
+    but he won't let you drive them, he wants to drive himself.
+    Palmer went to the stable while Jake was unhitchin' and I seen
+    him get money from Jake. We had beefstake for supper, fried, but
+    it was too dry. She did not make any sop.[C] We had hot biscuits
+    and good butter, but no pie and cake.
+
+    I got acquainted with a boy, Will Peters. He invited me over to
+    his house several times. I want to go but am ashamed to; they
+    have pie and cake three times a day just like we all do at home.
+
+    Mrs. Palmer talks a little to me now. She still wears the
+    sun-bonnet but I don't believe it's newralgy that ails her. She
+    asked me if your name warn't Mary Irons before you married Pap.
+
+    I finished the Pilgrim's Progress last night. It's a great book,
+    you ought to read it. The one we got at home is not complete,
+    borrow Uncle Tom's.
+
+    I'm glad Turkey Evans did not get hold of my shotgun. Palmer's
+    done all his "work of art," as he calls it. Tonight he reads the
+    whole thing over to us and then we got to learn our parts. Jake
+    is going to be "Christian;" that's what I wanted to be but
+    "Christian" carries a heavy load on his back and Palmer says I'm
+    not strong enough. Me and Tom must double a dozen different
+    characters. Mrs. Palmer tried all the clothes for everybody on
+    me. One of the suits I do not like; it's just like you had
+    nothin' on but a shirt; it's for "Faith" to wear. I told Palmer
+    it would not look right before women and children and he said
+    the costume was patterned after the original plates. I don't
+    know what he meant but he'll not put "Faith's" clothes on me,
+    plates or no plates.
+
+    [Illustration: "He'll Not Put Faith's Clothes On Me"]
+
+    Is Pap coming over before we start? If he is, you have Lin bake
+    a peck of doughnuts, put them in the big carpet-sack. I'm glad
+    you got the gun. I wrote Turner Simpson to send you the pup when
+    it was old enough to wean. Your affectionate son,
+
+        ALFRED GRIFFITH HATFIELD
+
+    P. S. Don't forget the doughnuts.
+
+
+    SOMERSET, PA.
+
+    DEAR MUZ:
+
+    It will be my luck to have Pap come to Mt. Pleasant with the
+    doughnuts and find us all gone. We left last night. I wrote you
+    we was going but I didn't know it until Palmer woke me up in the
+    middle of the night. Reverend Gideon left two days before.
+    Someone pulled me out of bed. I hollered, "Here, here, hold on!"
+    Then I knew it was Palmer. I jumped up. He ordered me to dress
+    quickly.
+
+    I dressed and looked for Tom. I asked Palmer where he was. He
+    said: "I've called him as often as I'm going to." I called Tom
+    and had to wait so long for him to dress that when I got out
+    doors there was Jake sitting up in the front seat of the wagon,
+    and Mrs. Palmer beside him. She looked to me as if she was
+    cryin'. Jake told us to "get in, she's going to go."
+
+    Palmer was locking the doors. I heard something splash down in
+    the well. His wife asked for the keys. "They're down in the
+    well; old Lane, the landlord, can look for them." Mrs. Palmer
+    looked very much worried. They left all their things excepting a
+    few bedclothes and the sewing machine.
+
+    Palmer spread the bedclothes on the panorama in the bottom of
+    the wagon; Tom, me and him slept all the way here. Poor Mrs.
+    Palmer set up all night beside Jake on the seat. If she ain't
+    got the newralgy she'll katch it sure. Mrs. Palmer wouldn't get
+    out of the wagon to eat breakfast when we stopped on the road at
+    a country house, and Palmer spoke real cross to her and she
+    cried. It's the only time I've seen Jake's face without a smile
+    and he looks a different man when he ain't smiling. I like Jake
+    and he likes me. He wants to see Pap.
+
+    Reverend Gideon met us here. Palmer forgot his clothes and I
+    heard him tell Gideon they'd have to go, he had flung the keys
+    in the well and if Gideon went back after his clothes they was
+    liable to fling him in jail.
+
+    I believe Palmer's run off owing everybody. This thing's bound
+    to make money. I'm sorry I came for twenty a month. If he does
+    well he'll have to raise me.
+
+        Your affectionate son,
+            ALFRED GRIFFITH HATFIELD.
+
+    P. S. The hound was to be a dog, not another kind.
+
+Palmer, the wife and Gideon, were a source of much speculation to
+Alfred; he could not fix their standing in his mind. The facts were that
+Palmer was one of those soldiers of fortune who had experimented with
+many things and failed in everything. He fitted Dryden's description of:
+
+    "A man so various, that he seemed to be
+    Not one, but all mankind's epitome;
+    Stiff in opinions, always in the wrong
+    Was everything by starts, and nothing long;
+    But, in the course of one revolving moon,
+    Was chemist, fiddler, statesman, and buffoon."
+
+The only aim Palmer seemed to have in life was to create the impression
+that he might have been worse. Store clerk, school teacher, politician,
+preacher, scene painter, amateur showman; such were the pursuits he had
+been engaged in, not successful in any of them. Abusive of all, save
+that one he was engaged in, blaming the world for his failures. He
+respected no man or woman. He approached no man save with a selfish
+motive; could he but injure those with whom he dealt he was happy,
+though he did not profit thereby. Yet he did not so speak, but all his
+actions conveyed this impression of the man to Alfred. And thus his
+character was impressed on the boy's intuitive mind as strongly as were
+the scenes on the canvas of the panorama.
+
+[Illustration: Palmer]
+
+The wife was only another of that type of woman who has blasted a life,
+one full of hope, by clinging to a man who was unworthy of one day of
+her life. It was a pathetic spectacle to see the faded wife standing
+helpless in the shadow of her husband's selfishness, having sacrificed
+youth, beauty and everything that woman holds dear. It did not matter
+to Palmer that she was once a school teacher, more than a fair musician,
+courted by numbers who could have made her useful to society and happy
+in her life. It did not matter to Palmer that she had burned up much of
+her attractiveness over the cooking stove; that she lost more of it at
+the washtub; in caring for and rearing the children that had
+unfortunately come to them. The slaving she had gone through in all
+their married life to help her husband to get on in the world was all
+lost upon the selfish man who never gave a thought to her sufferings. He
+actually treated her if as she had been the cause of his failures, and
+seemed ashamed of her when younger and more attractive women were near.
+
+Her two children, somewhere in Missouri in the keeping of her mother,
+seemed her only hope in life and the only time the poor crushed soul
+evidenced interest in anything was when tidings came from the children
+or she could prevail upon their thankless father to send them a little
+money. The mother's wardrobe was scanty that the darlings of her heart
+might be better clad.
+
+Aunt Susan wore a sun-bonnet almost continuously that she might better
+keep in place mustard plasters and horse radish leaves to relieve the
+neuralgia pains. Alfred presumed that Mrs. Palmer was similarly affected
+since she always wore a sun-bonnet. That was before they left Palmer's
+house. Afterwards he became convinced that the woman wore the sun-bonnet
+to conceal the lines of sorrow in her once fine face.
+
+Rev. Gideon was the last of the trio whom Alfred figured out. He had
+married Palmer's sister. They went to a foreign country as missionaries;
+Gideon's health gave way under the tropical climate. He returned to this
+country and had since made his home with the Palmers. But little was
+learned of the wife. She still lived, and if remittances were not
+forthcoming, Gideon was on the rack. In fact, each one of her
+complaining letters made Gideon turn more yellow in color, sit up later
+and get up earlier than usual, no matter how poor Gideon suffered. If he
+was ailing and Palmer noticed it, he would sneer and jerk out: "Huh! Got
+a letter from Sis, did you? S'pose she wants you to go back to China.
+Say Gideon, that must have been a hell of a job to instill the gospel
+into heathen when you can't make an impression upon those who understand
+what you say. It must have been discouraging to waste your eloquence
+upon those copper-colored thieves. There's many a game to catch suckers
+in this world but that foreign mission play is the rawest ever sprung.
+Say, Gideon, how much did you get? So much for each sinner saved or did
+you lump the job?"
+
+Under such cynicism Gideon would turn about and walk off as though
+nothing had been said to him. Palmer took an especial delight in teasing
+Gideon as to his mission labors. Gideon never deigned to notice the
+ridicule of Palmer, at least in words. Yet there was one thing that
+impressed Alfred. Palmer always deferred to Gideon in any business
+proposition under consideration; he would bluster and rave a little but
+always in the end gave in to Gideon's judgment.
+
+In addition to the receipts that came to him from the exhibition of the
+panorama, Palmer had a large, framed, steel plate engraving of John
+Bunyan which he sold while soliciting subscriptions for several
+religious publications. He worked diligently. He never desisted when he
+once went after preacher, deacon or the entire congregation, and he
+generally sold what he offered or secured their names to one of his
+numerous subscription lists.
+
+He worked so adroitly that he made many his aides. Not infrequently a
+minister would get up during an intermission in the Pilgrim's Progress
+exhibition and announce one or more of Palmer's offerings. These
+announcements invariably wound up with the statement that the proceeds
+were for the benefit of a retired minister who had lost his health in an
+endeavor to carry the gospel to the heathen in foreign lands.
+
+Alfred became curious as to what effect these announcements would have
+upon Gideon and he often peeped from behind the scenes to note it. But
+Gideon was never in sight. He would step out of the door as the speaker
+began. Alfred noticed that Mrs. Palmer always lowered her face over the
+keys of the piano or organ when the announcement of this character was
+being made. Palmer, behind the scenes, standing near the curtain his
+head bent to one side his hand up to his ear. If the speaker's efforts
+pleased him he would pull his tuft of beard with his free hand and
+ejaculate: "Good! Fine! Capital! Good boy, go it old Beeswax. I didn't
+think it was in you. Go it boots, you'll win in a walk. They're gittin'
+their pocket books out now; Gideon will do well tonight, ha, ha, ha."
+Did the speaker not measure up to his ideas, he would say: "Wade in!
+Wade in! Wade in! Dam you, the water's not cold. Warm up now or you'll
+freeze them to the pews. Oh, what you tryin' to git through you? Just
+listen to that crack; he'll make them think he's going to take up a
+collection for the foreign missions. You can't get seventeen cents. It's
+been worked to death. Come off, come off your perch, you poll parrot!
+Come off! Well you ought to be studying your primer instead of
+preaching; you don't know as much as Gideon."
+
+Palmer, through the influence of the church members, procured a half
+dozen young girls, at each place visited, to represent the multitude
+passing through the gates in the final scene of Pilgrim's Progress.
+Although these girls were before the audience but a moment or two at the
+very end of the panorama, amateur like, instead of remaining in front
+witnessing the exhibition, they would repair to the rear of the curtain,
+don their robes and stand around during the entire performance, to the
+annoyance of everybody working the panorama, and, more frequently than
+otherwise, be late for their cue.
+
+One night, an old preacher was laboring with an announcement Palmer had
+written and rehearsed him in, Palmer was most vicious in his comments.
+The old speaker's daughter was one of the virgins, standing near she
+heard every word uttered and there was enough and there would have been
+more, had not Alfred, by a nudge and a whisper, checked him. Palmer
+grasped the situation at once. He stepped nearer the girls. Then with a
+start, he shaded his eyes, dramatically gazed at the girls and began:
+"Oh, woman, lovely woman, nature made thee to temper man; we had been
+brutes without you. Angels are painted fair to look like you. There is
+in you all we believe of heaven, amazing brightness, purity, truth,
+eternal joy and everlasting love."
+
+He was never at a loss, his quick wit extricating him from embarrassment
+at all times.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    SOMERSET, PA.
+
+    DEAR MUZ:
+
+    We showed, or we exhibited, last night. It was the most crowded
+    church I ever seen. I did well, better than anyone. Gideon, Mrs.
+    Palmer and all said so. Gideon said I saved the day, but Palmer
+    held me back, he wouldn't let me sing or dance. I heard him tell
+    Gideon: "I'll have hell with that gilly kid, he thinks it a
+    minstrel show; I got to hold him down or he'll queer the fake."
+    I don't know what he meant, only he meant me.
+
+    Jake made some awful blunders but Gideon said it was like Palmer
+    to put him in to play "Christian." Tomorrow's Sunday and I'll
+    write you the full purceeding. I know the whole thing by heart
+    and if Pap can paint a Pilgrim's Progress I can show it, exhibit
+    it. Palmer will make a million. Lin could go along and play the
+    organ like Mrs. Palmer. I tell you she can put in the music
+    right, she fills out the thing just grand. Lin would have to
+    learn to play with both hands and she must learn music. Mrs.
+    Palmer won't play without the notes to lead her. I will take the
+    whole Sunday to write you the full history of the first night.
+    You better read "Pilgrim's Progress." Did you borrow Uncle
+    Tom's?
+
+    Does Uncle Ned feel hard towards me? If anything happens to me
+    and I get ruined it's their doings because I could have been
+    with a minstrel troupe. You have to lie more here in a day than
+    I did all the time I was with a minstrel show.
+
+        Your very affectionate son,
+            ALFRED GRIFFITH HATFIELD.
+
+    P. S. I looked at the dictionary. A "gilly" is a man attendant
+    in the Scottish Highlands. A "kid" is a young goat. It don't
+    tell what a "fake" is. Now I know Palmer will have to raise my
+    wages. If Pap agrees to paint a panorama and take Lin along you
+    can get Sis Minks to work for you.
+
+[Illustration: "Oh! My Dear Hearers!"]
+
+Palmer began the exhibition with a lecture:
+
+"Ladies and Gentlemen: John Bunyan, the author of that wonderful work,
+'The Pilgrim's Progress,' was an English religious writer, soldier and
+Baptist preacher. He enlisted in the Parliamentary army very young. He
+was so strongly impressed with the glimpse he caught of war that all his
+writings, even things sacred, were strongly illustrative of fortresses,
+camps, marching men, guns and trumpets. Bunyan was but seventeen years
+old when he entered the army, hence the lasting impressions his
+military life made upon his mind. He became famous as a Baptist preacher
+and was flung into Bedford jail under order of the Restoration. He was
+frequently offered his liberty on condition that he would desist from
+preaching. This he refused; therefore, for twelve years he suffered
+imprisonment for his conscience's sake.
+
+"While in Bedford jail he began the book that has immortalized him. It
+is the best allegory ever written and is the only book, excepting the
+Bible, about which the educated majority have come over to the opinion
+of the common people. The peculiar glory of Bunyan is that those who
+hated his doctrines have acknowledged his genius by printing and using a
+Catholic version of his parable, The Pilgrim's Progress, with the
+Virgin's head in the title page.
+
+"Oh, my dear hearers, how similar to the sufferings of the lowly genius
+in producing his masterpiece were those undergone in painting the work
+of art about to be unfolded for your inspection. For years he who
+transferred the thoughts of Bunyan into almost real life, for years he
+who wrought these fancies upon canvas, labored and suffered in secret.
+No living eye was ever permitted to gaze upon his work save his own.
+Night after night, by the dim light of lamp, the artist labored. Lack of
+food, lack of sleep, did not deter him. He was inspired to produce that
+which has been pronounced by men of highest learning as the greatest
+painting the world has ever known, the greatest educator of the masses,
+the greatest object lesson ever presented to the people of this country.
+
+"The Pilgrim's Progress in living figures and realistic scenes, the
+hills, the mountains, the sunny pastures, the soft vales, the
+wilderness, the Shining River, the Beautiful Gates, the Celestial City.
+
+"Like Bunyan, the painter had no idea that he was producing a
+masterpiece."
+
+Here Palmer would step to the front of the platform and, after a modest
+pause, in a lower tone, continue: "Ladies and Gentlemen: I was not aware
+the printed bills had announced to the world that I, Professor Palmer,
+D. D., was the author of this work of art, otherwise, I am sure I would
+not have mentioned it."
+
+Alfred could never disassociate this announcement from that of the clown
+in the circus who, after singing his song, announcing the sale of the
+books, assuring the audience that the proceeds of the sale of the book
+were for the benefit of an orphan who was a long ways from home, without
+money or friends. Hoping the charitably disposed would assist the orphan
+by buying the song books. Bowing low, he would add: "I forgot to tell
+you that I am the orphan."
+
+    DEAR MUZ:
+
+    The first night is the most terrible thing one can go through.
+    We had a hard time of it; Palmer became excited and cussed; Tom
+    did well as long as I told him; Mrs. Palmer filled in all the
+    stops with music and this helped but if it hadn't been for me it
+    would have been a bad failure. It was all I could do to keep it
+    going; I nearly worked myself sick. I'm going to ask Palmer to
+    raise my wages. Palmer praised all of us, but I know he was
+    lying because every time Jake or Tom made a mistake he cussed.
+    Palmer does all the talking for all the characters; the way he
+    can change his voice you'd swear there were several people
+    talking. He is hid from the audience and of course they think
+    it's the characters that talk. In spite of Gideon's advice,
+    Palmer gave Jake the part of Christian. The first scene is a
+    field. Jake, as Christian, is discovered standing in the middle
+    of the field. Here is where the pilgrimage begins. Jake is
+    supposed to be reading a book and asks: "What shall I do to be
+    saved?" Jake held the book in his hand, not looking at it but at
+    the audience, smiling. From behind the scenes Palmer hissed;
+    "Look serious! Look worried! Read the book! Hold the book up! Oh
+    you dam Dutch galoot look scared!" Jake only smiled louder. I
+    know Jake didn't hear a word Palmer said. I could hear him
+    breathing from where I stood. You know Christian is dressed in
+    ragged clothes, he has a burden on his back. Palmer wrapped an
+    old coffee sack about a big stone and this was fastened on
+    Jake's back to represent Christian's burden.
+
+    I was Evangelist. I had a long, white robe on and wore a wig
+    with long curls; not yellow curls like you used to make me wear,
+    but black curls, with a blue ribbon around my forehead. I walked
+    solemn towards Jake; I looked at him a little while, then I
+    raised my hand, pointing the roll of parchment and, in the most
+    saddest way I could speak, I said: "Wherefore dost thou cry?"
+    Jake said easy like, "Not by a tam sight." Palmer came right in
+    with the proper speech: "If I be not fit to go to prison I am
+    not fit to go to judgment and thence to execution. The thoughts
+    of these things make me cry." Here Jake looked at me, then at
+    Palmer; then he winked at me. I could scarcely go on with my
+    speech: "If this be thy condition, why standest thou still?" "I
+    don't vant to, I'd rather valk to Bedford dan stan' dis way
+    still," was Jake's reply. A number of those nearest the platform
+    overheard Jake but Palmer came in quickly with: "Because I
+    knoweth not whither to go." I didn't give Jake any time, I just
+    shouted at him: "Do you see yon wicket gate?" I pointed at the
+    imaginary gate. Jake turned about, shook his head and answered:
+    "No." I cut in before he could get further: "Do you see yon
+    shining light? Keep that light in thy eye and go up directly
+    thereto, so shalt thou see the gate at which, when thou
+    knockest, it shall be told thee what thou shalt do."
+
+    [Illustration: "Hold Her Down, Tom"]
+
+    Jake was lost. He walked he knew not whither, Palmer pleading
+    and swearing to guide him. The gate and shining light to which I
+    referred were imaginary. I pointed off stage. Jake, in his
+    excitement was trying to get away from the audience. He walked
+    up stage; he pressed against the canvas, trying to force his way
+    further. Palmer and Bedford Tom had all their weight against the
+    frame of the panorama. When Jake felt resistance he put his
+    powerful muscles to work. "Hold on! Hold on! Stop! You can't go
+    further," cried Palmer. Jake kept on pushing. "Hold her down,
+    Tom; hold her down." Then came a crash, the lights went out and
+    over went Palmer, Tom and the panorama.
+
+    Jake's breathing and his efforts to release himself from the
+    heavy canvas covering him could be heard above the din and
+    confusion. Palmer was here, there, everywhere, assuring the
+    audience that a slight accident had befallen the mechanical part
+    of the panorama. "Just remain seated, we'll give you a good
+    show." He forgot himself and called it a show after all his
+    orders to us not to speak the word "show." The strong arms of
+    Bedford Tom, and Jake soon righted the panorama. Mrs. Palmer
+    played the organ, and right there is where one of my songs would
+    come in right. I sung for Jake and Tom last night and Jake
+    declared: "The people in Bedford would like one of dem nigger
+    songs better dan Palmer's hull tarn pictur show. De hull tam
+    ting is a fraudt; no such a man as Bunjun was ever in Bedford
+    yail. I and Tom knows every man dot's been in dot yail and dey
+    don't put 'em in yail fur what he sedt." Jake's mixed up; he
+    imagines Palmer refers to Bedford, Pa.
+
+    The panorama worked along smoothly until Pliable and Christian,
+    (I and Jake), fell into the Slough of Despond. You know, in the
+    book, Pliable and Christian are traveling together; they fall in
+    the Slough of Despond; Pliable struggles and gets out.
+    Christian, owing to the burden he carries on his back, flounders
+    about and is fast sinking when Help appears and asks: "What
+    doest thou there?" Jake answered: "Noting." Palmer hissed: "Roll
+    over! Roll over! Hold your head under the canvas; duck, you son
+    of a gun, duck!" Palmer answered with the speech Jake was
+    supposed to deliver, as Jake rolled over and over: "Sir, I was
+    bid by a man named Evangelist, who directed me to yonder gate
+    that I might escape the wrath to come and as I was going thither
+    I fell in here." Then I come as Help; I say: "Why did you not
+    look for the steps?" Jake is supposed to say: "Fear followed me
+    so hard that I fled the next way and fell in." Then as Help, I
+    lean far over, hold out my hand and say: "Give me thine hand
+    that I may draw thee upon hard ground that thou might go thy
+    way." Instead of Jake following the business as rehearsed, he
+    arose, took the burden off his back, walked out the opposite
+    side, back towards the City of Destruction.
+
+    The audience, or some of them, tittered, others laughed
+    outright. Palmer was prompting Jake: "Get into the pond!
+    Complete the scene!" The more Palmer prompted, the more confused
+    Jake appeared. "Get your burden, it's not time to drop it; get
+    your burden." Jake, smiling, walked over the miry, muddy slough
+    he was supposed to have struggled in a moment before, and took
+    up the burden. Instead of putting it on his back he carried it
+    under his arm, nodded at Palmer, as much as to say: "I'm ready
+    for anything further, go on." Worldly Wise Man here appears
+    before Christian and speaks to him: "How now good fellow;
+    whither away after this burdened manner?" Christian answers: "A
+    burdened manner indeed as ever, I think, poor creature had. And
+    whereas you ask me whither away, I am going to yonder wicket
+    gate, for there, as I am informed, I shall be put in a way to be
+    rid of my heavy burden." Then Worldly Wise advises Christian:
+    "Wilt thou hearken to me if I give thee counsel?" Christian
+    answers: "If it be good I will, for I stand in need of good
+    counsel." Worldly Wise then answers: "I would advise thee that
+    thou, with all speed, get thyself rid of thy burden, for thou
+    will never be settled in thy mind until then." Palmer answered
+    with Christian's speech: "That is which I seek for, even to be
+    rid of this heavy burden, but get it off myself I cannot, nor is
+    there any man in our country who can take it off my shoulders."
+
+    [Illustration: Jake As Christian]
+
+    Jake, smiling more pleasantly than ever, answered, "I kin."
+    Suiting the action to the word, he flung his burden into the
+    Slough of Despond. The pond was a thin piece of canvas painted
+    to represent the quagmire. The burden made a sound as of the
+    house falling down. Jake wiped the perspiration from his face
+    and, spitting a mouthful of tobacco juice to one side, he gazed
+    on the audience and smiled. It was too much for even the staid
+    old church members. The laughter was so great that Palmer pulled
+    the curtain and announced an organ recital.
+
+    Christian's burden was replaced on Jake's back, he was
+    admonished to pay closest attention to Palmer's promptings. Jake
+    continued the pilgrimage. In the next scene Jake, representing
+    Christian on his journey from the City of Destruction to the
+    Celestial City, must pass through the Dark Valley of Shadows.
+    When Jake, instead of keeping to the right and following the
+    straight and narrow path, boldly walked into the mouth of the
+    burning pit, out of which Palmer was sending sparks and smoke.
+    Palmer again pulled the curtain on the scene. Jake sat on a
+    stage stump. Smoke was still coming from the pot of damp straw.
+    Tears filled Jake's eyes, tears caused by the smoke. Palmer
+    rushed back and forth, declaring Jake had made a farce of the
+    most beautiful and inspiring scene in the entire exhibition. I
+    was substituted for Jake. I knew every speech; I had learned
+    them all and it went good to the last.
+
+    The second book is even more impressive and instructive than the
+    first. You should read it. As the young ladies walk in at the
+    Beautiful Gate of the city, Pilgrim is seen through a gauze; one
+    by one the sheets of gauze are pulled down until Christian fades
+    away like a vision. It held the audience dumb; they never
+    witnessed anything like it; neither did I. Palmer wouldn't let
+    me speak the words; he said they must be delivered with great
+    dramatic effect. The words are: "I see myself now at the end of
+    my journey, my toilsome days are ended. I have formerly lived by
+    hearsay and faith, but I now go where I shall live by sight."
+    But glorious it was to see how the open regions were filled with
+    horses and chariots, with trumpeters and pipers, with singers
+    and players upon stringed instruments, to welcome the pilgrims
+    as they went up and followed one another in at the gates of the
+    Beautiful City. Here the young ladies, with lighted lamps,
+    passed in. As Pilgrim disappeared, Palmer, with great effect,
+    ended the scene with the eloquent words: "Now, while he was thus
+    in discourse, his countenance changed; his strong man bowed
+    under him and, after he had said: 'Take me, for I come unto
+    thee,' he ceased to be seen of them."
+
+        ALFRED GRIFFITH HATFIELD.
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[B] Bacon.
+
+[C] Gravy.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER FIFTEEN
+
+    Do not believe all that you hear,
+      For hot air men are hawking;
+    And even keep a cautious ear
+      When you, yourself, are talking.
+
+
+    BROWNSVILLE, PA.
+
+    MY DEAR SON:
+
+    I take my pen in hand to write you a few lines hoping that they
+    may find you as well as we all are here. Mother reads your
+    letters to us at dinner time. I hope you are living better. I
+    never knew a genius that cared much about his eating, therefore,
+    I do not suppose Palmer ever gave it a thought that you were
+    suffering. He is a good fellow and I know he will make out well,
+    except in the eating line.
+
+    You need not worry about your shotgun; I have it and will look
+    after it until such time as I feel you should be permitted to
+    handle dangerous weepuns. Turner Simpson says your Cousin
+    Charley got that hound pup weeks ago; he claims Charley said you
+    sent him after the pup.
+
+    All your friends inquire about you. Bill Johnston told me he was
+    sorry he had to have you arrested for overturning his hay stack;
+    that he did not believe you was to blame, the boys with you led
+    you into oversetting the haystack to catch the rabbit.
+
+    Your Uncle Joe was in town Saturday, got tite and carried on
+    high. He is getting worse as he gets older. Betsy is mortified
+    to death. They were just at communion afore it happened.
+
+    How is Palmer doing? Is he making money? Did he get my letter?
+    Hoping to hear from you very often and that you will remember
+    that your father and mother and all the children think of you
+    daily and all look forward to the time when we shall see you
+    again,
+
+        Your affectionate father,
+            J. C. H.
+
+Alfred was living in a little world all his own. Jake, Bedford Tom, Mrs.
+Palmer, Gideon, Tom White, were its inhabitants. Palmer was not of it.
+He was not of the agreeable circle. Alfred often read letters from home
+to Mrs. Palmer. She was greatly interested in the correspondence. Alfred
+knew she desired him to read the father's letter to her. In a serious
+manner he advised the letter was a business one. This seemed to make the
+good woman even more anxious. She actually quizzed Alfred as to whether
+the letter was not one demanding payment of money borrowed by her
+husband. Alfred asked her if she knew the amount due his father. She did
+not, but said she would ascertain; further, she would exert herself to
+earn money to repay it. Alfred appreciated this and regretted he had
+ever mentioned the flitch in his letters to the folks at home. He felt
+that he had reflected upon Mrs. Palmer.
+
+He re-read his father's letter that he might expunge the reference to
+the scant living. He read to where Bill Johnston had apologized for
+having him arrested; he did not care to have Mrs. Palmer know of this.
+
+[Illustration: Palmer and the Wise Virgin]
+
+Palmer, with his panorama and side issues, was making money, and there
+was not a day, not an hour, that something coarse, selfish or mean, did
+not show itself in word or deed of the man. The half dozen young women,
+who took part in the final scene, were robed in long, pale blue gowns,
+worn over their street apparel. It was necessary to fit the costumes on
+the young ladies previous to the opening or first exhibition. In
+arranging with the fathers or mothers of the girls, Palmer always
+emphasized the statement that: "My wife, Mrs. Palmer will take charge of
+the young ladies, show them their costumes." Mrs. Palmer was always
+ready to do so but Palmer was always there. He insisted, he forced his
+services in fitting the costumes. He would take an unusually long time
+to smooth out the wrinkles on the waist and bust lines. All this was
+done so unconcerned that none would ever suspect he was playing a part.
+His wife would flush up, walk away and occupy herself with other duties.
+
+If there was a foolish virgin among the damsels--and there were some
+foolish ones in those days, though not so many as now--Palmer would
+begin a flirtation, kept up until he departed. This was only one of the
+many mean traits of the man that lessened Alfred's respect for him.
+
+Palmer could not understand Alfred. Always full of fun and mischief,
+always ready to laugh, yet at times the boy was positively rude to the
+man nor would he permit any familiarity from Palmer.
+
+One day in setting up the frame of the panorama, several members of the
+church in which it was to be exhibited, entered the auditorium
+unnoticed. Palmer, while driving a nail, miscalculated, the hammer came
+down on one of his fingers. Flinging the hammer on the floor with all
+the force he could command, he poured forth a torrent of profanity.
+Gideon, by signs, gave Palmer to understand that others were near. With
+a change as quick as a flash, Palmer grabbed Alfred by the coat collar,
+nearly lifting the boy off his feet. With a voice that sounded as if it
+were choking with indignation, he began: "You young scamp, I never heard
+you swear like this before, and I never want to hear you again. How dare
+you use such language in this house?" The onslaught was so sudden and
+unexpected that Alfred was taken off his feet. He had been in high good
+humor, laughing heartily at Palmer's mishap. Palmer led the intruders
+out in the auditorium ere the boy gathered his scattered senses.
+
+Jake exclaimed: "Huh! Balmur knocks his fingers und makes oudt Alfred
+does der tammen." Shaking his head, he continued: "Balmur beats der
+bugs."
+
+Alfred was savage with anger. He started after Palmer but Gideon
+restrained him, standing in his pathway, holding him back, appealing to
+Jake to assist him in controlling the boy. Gideon persuaded Alfred to
+drop the matter for the time. Jake desired that the boy call Palmer to
+account. He answered Gideon's appeals in a sort of careless,
+I-don't-care way: "Vell, it's yust like Alfredt feels, if he vants to
+yump Balmur, I tink he kann handle him, I von't interfere. It iss none
+uf my biziness, yett."
+
+[Illustration: Palmer Grabbed Alfred by the Collar]
+
+It was late in the afternoon when Palmer again appeared in the church.
+He entered, as was his custom, all hurry and bustle. "Hello, Alfred! I
+thought you'd have the panorama all set. Waiting for the boss, hey?"
+
+"Yes, I'm waiting for the boss and I want to tell the boss the next time
+he tries to make a scapegoat out of me before a lot of church people
+he'll hear something he won't like. I'm no clod-hopper to have you make
+me appear a rowdy. You daddy your own cussing."
+
+Palmer seemed greatly surprised at this and, as usual, in an argument
+with his people, became greatly excited. He endeavored to win with a
+bluff. "Here, my young man, you're always playing your jokes on Jake and
+all the others; I was only having a little fun with you, I didn't intend
+to hurt your feeling."
+
+"Feelings! Feelings! What about my good name? What'll those men think of
+me? I'm ashamed to face them again while I'm here."
+
+"Oh, you're too soft to travel; you ought to be at home with your gilt
+edge ideas."
+
+"Well, I can go home," hotly retorted Alfred.
+
+"I've got a written agreement with your father and I'll hold you to it,"
+threatened Palmer.
+
+"You'll hold me to nothing. You've got no writings that'll permit your
+making me out a rowdy."
+
+"Now see here, Mr. Minstrel," and Palmer assumed mock politeness, "I've
+heard enough of your slack; dry up or I'll make you."
+
+Alfred jumped to the middle of the platform and dared Palmer to lay his
+hand on him. Palmer got so excited he could not talk. Gideon, as usual,
+in his quiet, argumentative way, endeavored to smooth the matter over:
+"Come on, let's get ready for tonight. We're going to have the best
+business since we opened."
+
+"I've quit," announced Alfred, "I'm going home."
+
+Jake's smile fled; his under jaw hung down, giving his face an
+expression Alfred had never previously seen it wear. Gideon turned even
+more yellowish looking. Bedford Tom ejected a mouthful of tobacco juice
+as he blurted out: "I pity Pilgrim's Progress."
+
+Gideon continued his plea: "Well, if this company isn't demoralized I
+don't know what I'm talking about. Now see here, boys, listen to me;
+we're together, let's reason like honest people should: To have you,"
+and he looked at Alfred, "quit thus abruptly would cause innocent ones
+to suffer. See what an embarrassment it would be to Mrs. Palmer. Why, it
+would kill her. She has sacrificed everything she holds dear in the
+world; she has two children." (Gideon had won his point, it was not
+necessary for him to say more). "She has not seen those children in two
+years; she hopes to have them with her soon. See what a disappointment
+it would be to her and the children. Alfred, as at present arranged, we
+could not spare you. I will get Palmer and we will fix this matter up
+satisfactorily to you."
+
+Alfred was just a boy, not unlike any other boy. He did not desire to
+quit; and he knew he was indispensable to the successful production of
+the panorama. He also felt that he had won thus far. He did not yield,
+outwardly at least, but agreed that he would await Gideon's interview
+with Palmer. He had no preconceived ideas as to what to do or say
+further, but, like all who are disgruntled, he could not bring himself
+to say that he would.
+
+While Gideon was seeking Palmer, Jake endeavored to console Alfred: "Ef
+you do go out of der paneramy it vill be too tam bad; I will not acdt
+out annudder time. I toldt Balmur delas' time. I'm no handt at paneramy
+buziness und it's no more fur Jake to do it."
+
+Bedford Tom put another blotch on the white pine floor as he patted Jake
+on the back: "You're all yerself agin, ole man, your sensibilness is
+kerrect; don't try to act in a panerammer or enythin' else. Ef ye hed
+seen yerself with thet tume-stun, er whatever it wus, on yer back, an'
+wallerin' in thet painted pond, ye'd never went back to Bedford. Ye
+certainly made a muss of hit."
+
+"Vell, I toldt heem I vus ashamed mit myself, end he sedt: 'Oh, hell yu
+kann standt und look myzerbul, kan't yu?'"
+
+Bedford Tom laughed in the honest Dutchman's face as he assured him he
+looked "myzerbul enuff but his actin' was more myzerbul then his
+looks."
+
+"Vhy don'dt yu try it ef yu tink it ees so tam easy?" was Jake's answer.
+
+Gideon walked in, beckoned to Alfred: "Come down to Palmer's room, he
+wants to talk this whole thing over."
+
+Alfred did not care to meet Mrs. Palmer. "Tell Palmer to come up here,"
+was the message Gideon carried back. Alfred was feeling just a little
+ashamed of the part he had played in the dispute; he felt that he had
+gone a bit further than he should. But his instinctive dislike to Palmer
+had grown day by day. The man's face, that index to character, had
+repulsed him when they first met. There are lines in the face chiseled
+by a sculptor who never makes a wrong stroke. The face is a truthful
+record of our vices and virtues. It is a map of life that outlines
+character so clearly that there is no getting away from the story it
+tells. The face is a signboard showing which way the man or woman is
+traveling, which of life's crossroads they are on. The face cannot
+betray the years one has traveled until the mind gives its consent. The
+mind is the master. If the mind holds youthful, innocent thoughts, the
+face will retain a youthful appearance. And the more permanent are the
+marks made by petulancy, hatred and selfishness thereon. The best letter
+of recommendation ever written is an open fearless face.
+
+Palmer put in an appearance, his face showing plainly that he was not at
+ease. His manner was as flambuoyant as ever: "Where is this mainstay of
+the only panorama on earth? Come here, boy, I want to talk to you like a
+father:
+
+    "I was a boy not long ago, unthinking, idle, wild and young,
+      I laughed, and danced and talked and sung."
+
+The antics Palmer cut while delivering this couplet were truly amusing.
+Palmer was an actor. Placing his hand on Alfred's shoulder, gazing into
+his face, he continued:
+
+    "Just at the age twixt boy and youth,
+    When thought is speech and speech is truth."
+
+Then quoting Christian in the Pilgrim's Progress: "I have given him my
+faith and sworn my allegiance to him. How then can I go back from this
+and not be hanged as a traitor?" Palmer pointed his long, bony finger at
+Alfred and awaited a reply. It came:
+
+"I was indeed engaged in your dominions but your services were hard and
+your wages such as a man could not live on. For the wages of sin is
+death."
+
+Palmer, a little discomforted, led the boy to one side, saying: "Now see
+here, young fellow, I'm as old as your father; I don't look it, but I
+am. Now you want to quit, eh? You wouldn't be at home four days before
+you would wish yourself back here. You are not rich, your father is not
+rich. You have to make a living. I'll give you an opportunity to make
+money. You are learning this business, you have good ideas. You remain
+with me, I'll make a man of you; I'll put you in a way to make more
+money than you've ever seen."
+
+Alfred intimated that he could not see himself making a great deal of
+money at twenty dollars a month.
+
+"Why, don't you count your board, as anything?"
+
+"Well, I'm not satisfied. I'm worth more than twenty dollars a month to
+you," stubbornly contended Alfred.
+
+"But you and your father are both bound up to me in a written agreement.
+Do you want to break it? Would that be right?"
+
+"Well, you broke your written contract with the members of Rock Hill
+Church. You said Gideon made the contract without consulting you.
+Grandpap made this contract without consulting me."
+
+Palmer laughed long and loud: "Egad, that's good! This kid finds me
+skinning a couple of old duffers and forthwith he sets about to skin me.
+The harvest truly is plenteous but the laborers are few; ask and it
+shall be given to you; seek and you shall find; knock and it shall be
+opened to you." Pointing at Alfred, he continued: "But remember, the
+love of money is the root of all evil. Say, what are you going to do
+with all this money?"
+
+"Buy a farm, some day," answered Alfred.
+
+"How great a matter a little fire kindleth," quoted Palmer as he
+pleadingly asked: "Say, kid, how much are you going to hang me up for?"
+
+"Well, if you give me fifty dollars a month, I'll stick to you."
+
+"Holy mother of all that's evil; the devil and Tom Walker! Say, who do
+you take after? Not your daddy. He's easy. Fifty dollars a month? Say, I
+worked two years and had a wife and two children to take care of and I
+never cleared forty dollars a month. I've been a lifetime working myself
+up to what I am and you jump into the game, inexperienced, green as a
+cucumber, and want to hog the persimmons at the start. 'Taint fair,
+'taint right; I'm an honest man; I want to treat everybody right. You're
+taking advantage of me. It's the principle of the thing I look at."
+
+"Well, get another boy, you can find one any day. If I stay with this
+panorama I will get fifty dollars a month."
+
+"Yes, and if I permit you to hold me up this time, the next move you'll
+want the panorama. Your Uncle William served his time like an honest
+boy, he has made a fortune. He has the best farm in Fayette County; he
+has money, he is the judge of the county court. He never got where he is
+by breaking written agreements."
+
+"Yes, but that was different, Uncle William was learning a trade. He got
+all kinds of chances to make money on the outside of his work."
+
+"Hold on right there--I'll give you any opportunity you want to make
+money on the side. You can sell the "Life of John Bunyan," "The
+Pilgrim's Progress," "Paradise Lost," the steel engraving of the twelve
+apostles or anything we sell and I'll allow you a good, big
+commission."
+
+The sale of the above mentioned articles was that which first turned
+Alfred against Palmer. The sneaking, wheedling methods he employed, the
+subterfuges, the lies in disposing of books and pictures, were the
+things which made the man most repulsive to Alfred. He therefore felt
+insulted when Palmer offered him the opportunity to make money from this
+source. Alfred plainly informed Palmer that he would not have anything
+to do with the sale of the books or pictures.
+
+"Huh! I suppose you feel above selling books that are in the libraries
+of the best people in the world. You'd prefer, no doubt, to sell pills."
+
+A little abashed, Alfred came back with: "Well, if I did sell pills, I
+sold them on the square and at a less price than they were worth and
+they were sold to folks that needed them and if they needed them and
+wern't able to pay for them they got them free and we didn't lie about
+what we did with the money. We didn't pretend to send it to the
+heathen."
+
+Palmer interrupted the boy: "Wait and see how you get along when you
+strike your own gait, when you get your own show out. That's your idea;
+that's why you are so unreasonable. I'm going to give you the money you
+ask, not because it's right but because I want to do what's right. If
+I'd let you go, you'd go back to Brownsville and it would not be a week
+until you'd have some fool thing afloat that would bring all sorts of
+trouble on your folks. I'm doing this for your people, not for you."
+
+Alfred had won. He was not entirely free from the feeling that he had
+not acted quite right but he stilled his conscience by arguing to
+himself that Grandpap had no authority to enter into a contract for him;
+besides hadn't his mother declared that no indenture was valid without
+her signature, that no child of hers should ever be bound to anybody?
+When she demanded to see the papers it was not convenient for those
+interested to have them at hand. The mother had forcibly informed Palmer
+that there must be no restraint upon Alfred should he become homesick
+and that he must be permitted to return to his home at any time he
+desired to do so. All of which Palmer had unreservedly agreed to.
+
+    BEDFORD, PA.
+
+    DEAR FATHER:
+
+    Your welcome letter came to hand today; glad you are all well
+    and hearty. I've had a big fuss with Palmer. I wanted to quit.
+    He coaxed me to stay and promised me fifty dollars a month. Is
+    that paper he holds on me binding? Could he hold my wages if he
+    wanted to. He told Gideon he was going to record the indenture
+    when we got to Leesburg and it would always stand in evidence
+    against me. He is not the kind of man Grandpap and Uncle Thomas
+    crack him up to be. If Palmer don't pay the fifty, I don't stay,
+    papers or no papers. He is gouging everybody and it is no sin to
+    gouge him. Say Pap, now don't get mad; how much did he set you
+    back? Tell me. If I get the fifty I think I can get yours. If
+    Cousin Charley has my hound he'll have to give it up when I get
+    home. If I get the fifty I'll buy me a new shotgun like Capt.
+    Abrams has.
+
+    My love to Muz and all the children and Lin.
+
+        Your affectionate son,
+            ALFRED GRIFFITH HATFIELD.
+
+    P. S. I am not afraid of Palmer; I could break him in two. But I
+    don't like to break the law. Let me know about the paper he
+    holds, he would do anything, law or no law.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Since Alfred's experience with the law in the Eli affair it could not be
+said that he had more respect for the law but undoubtedly he had more
+fear for it as evidenced by his letter to the father.
+
+Things went on much the same with the panorama. Palmer was more polite
+and condescending toward Alfred in speech, but many little
+inconveniences were put upon him that he had not experienced previous to
+the unpleasantness.
+
+Jake seemed to have fallen under the displeasure of Palmer and many were
+the squabbles between them. At one place where the panorama exhibited
+the church was too small. An old carriage factory was used instead. At
+one end there was a large freight lift elevator. Palmer's inventive
+genius prompted him to use the platform of the elevator for a stage. It
+was about twenty by thirty feet in dimensions much larger than the
+stages usually constructed for the panorama. When the elevator was in
+place it formed a part of the floor of the room.
+
+Palmer and Jake labored all day and into the night to elevate it about
+two feet above the floor. When elevated thus it was pronounced by the
+little company the best stage since the season began; just high enough
+to show the effects to best advantage.
+
+Jake said he hoped "dey vould strike more blaces mit dings like dis."
+The building of a platform or a stage in the various churches had made
+strenuous work for Jake.
+
+All was set for the unveiling of the wonderful work of art. The old
+factory was crowded. All went smoothly until the scene where "Faithful"
+is adjudged guilty and condemned to the terrible punishment supposed to
+be meted out to him. This scene is not visible to the audience but is
+described by the lecturer, as "Faithful" is supposed to be burned to
+ashes after being scourged and pricked with knives. Palmer had just
+concluded the speech: "Now I saw that there stood behind the multitude a
+chariot and a couple of horses waiting for 'Faithful', who, as soon as
+his adversaries had dispatched him, was taken up into it, and
+straightway, was carried up through the clouds with sound of trumpet."
+Palmer sounded the trumpet. Tom White, in a long, white flowing robe,
+with gauze veils over his face, is pulled up by a block and tackle, the
+rope concealed by the long, white robe. With appropriate music this
+scene was one of the most beautiful in the exhibition.
+
+The trumpet sounded signaling "Faithful's" ascension. How what followed
+happened no one will ever know. Palmer blamed Jake. Jake never admitted
+or denied that he was the cause. When there should have been an
+ascension there was a descension.
+
+The elevator slipped a cog, or something; there was a slow, regular
+descent, not too hasty. Down went the whole panorama, descending in time
+with the music; down went the City of Vanity with its fair, its thieves
+and fakirs painted on canvas, while poor "Faithful" dangled in mid-air.
+As the elevator sank out of sight, as the characters, painting and frame
+disappeared below the floor, the audience applauded approvingly at
+first, then the absurdity of the scene struck them and approving
+applause changed to aggravating laughter.
+
+Jake stood manfully by the rope he was holding; Palmer was wild; Alfred
+and Bedford Tom were doing all they could to suppress their laughter.
+Suddenly the thing stopped, struck the floor in the room below. Jake,
+grabbing the windlass, soon had the panorama slowly ascending. As it
+came into view the audience applauded lustily. Mrs. Palmer kept the
+ascension music going until the stage was back in its proper place when
+Palmer, who was always seeking an opportunity to make a speech, walked
+out in front of the curtain and explained that the panorama weighed
+several tons, the great weight had broken the lift.
+
+At this juncture Jake appeared with two heavy pieces of scantling;
+unmindful of Palmer, he began spiking the props under the edge of the
+platform. The strokes of the hammer completely drowned Palmer's voice.
+When Jake sent the last nail home he arose from his knees with a "Dere,
+tam you, I ges you'll holdt now."
+
+Palmer was in a greater rage than at any time since the tour began. His
+wife, Gideon and several others endeavored to pacify him. Everybody but
+Alfred came in for a share of the abuse; even his poor wife, who was
+really deserving of all praise for saving the scene, was more than
+censured.
+
+Alfred could not control his laughter; he fled fearing Palmer would turn
+on him.
+
+Palmer swore so loudly that Gideon came from the front to quiet him. He
+swore at Gideon; he did not care if the whole town heard him curse. He
+had worn his life out to produce the Pilgrim's Progress, and now a darn
+clod-hopper, a Reuben, a gilly, a jay, had undone the work of a lifetime
+and made him (Palmer) ridiculous in the eyes of the world. What would
+people say? What would church people say? They would not pay him for
+such an exhibition. Would he (Jake) furnish the money to pay the
+expenses after ruining the business of the panorama?
+
+Jake sat on a box, his eyes following Palmer as he walked from one side
+of the platform to the other, busying himself all the while with some
+part of the panorama, never looking toward Jake. Jake's smile was the
+same, that is around the mouth; but looking more closely you could see
+an expression in the deep-set blue eyes that betrayed feelings far
+removed from those which cause smiles.
+
+Palmer concluded his tirade by flinging a hammer on the floor and
+declaring his belief that the mistakes were the result of a deliberate
+attempt upon the part of the perpetrator to ruin him. "But I will not be
+driven away from this work of my life by conspirators."
+
+Jake had but a limited understanding of Palmer's language, yet
+sufficient of what had been said sifted through his mind to convince him
+that Palmer had made strong charges against him. Jake, in a tone of
+voice that would have convinced anyone more reasonable than Palmer, of
+his sorrow, inquired: "Vot I tid?"
+
+"Vot I tid?" repeated Palmer, imitating Jake. "Vot I tid? Ha! Ha! What
+didn't you do? From the night we opened it's been one round of breaks
+and blunders upon your part."
+
+Jake, in open-eyed surprise, repeated: "Breaks? Breaks? Breaks? Vot I
+breaks?"
+
+Palmer never ceased talking nor noticed Jake's questions. Pointing at
+Jake, he said: "First you assumed the part of Christian, the most
+important character to be impersonated. Every schoolboy or girl knows
+the Christian makes a pilgrimage beginning at the City of Destruction,
+from which he flees to the Celestial City. He carries a burden, of which
+he is relieved at the proper time. He is supposed to encounter all sorts
+of hardships and avoid pitfalls of danger, coming out triumphant at the
+end of his journey. I ordered you to read the book. Alfred read it and
+is familiar with every detail; you know nothing, positively nothing."
+
+"Vot I tid?" again demanded Jake, a bit sternly.
+
+"Vot you tid?" and Palmer pretended to tear his hair. "The first night,
+the first scene, by holding the book you were supposed to be reading,
+down by your knees, gaping at the audience like a baboon. You rolled
+over on the floor in the Slough of Despond like a hog wallowing; you
+throwed your burden in the Slough, then walked in the pond after it. The
+pond you was supposed to be sinking into, drowning, you walked over it
+as you would over a lawn or carpeted room, not sinking one inch in it.
+You gathered up Christian's burden. Instead of replacing it on your back
+you took it under your arm like a basket; instead of walking as you were
+directed, towards the Wicket Gate, the Shining Light, you steered
+straight into the bowels of Hell. Not being satisfied with going to Hell
+yourself, you so arrange this lift, this platform that, at the very
+climax of the most beautiful scene in the marvelous exhibition, you send
+the whole panorama down to the lower story of the building, thus
+conveying to the audience the idea that we are burlesquing Pilgrim's
+Progress. Instead of steering for Heaven, steering for Hell! Bah! Every
+last one in that audience will leave this building with the idea that
+the entire panorama went to Hell."
+
+Then in an injured, pleading tone, as if scared, Palmer continued: "If
+this goes ahead of us it will surely ruin our business. I will sell my
+interest in this show for one-half of what I'd taken yesterday." All
+this was acting.
+
+Poor Jake was completely confused, dumfounded. Most conscientious,
+honest and sincere, without deceit, he scarcely knew what to say to
+explain that he was unfortunate and all that had happened was
+unavoidable.
+
+He said: "Meester Balmur, I'm werry sorry dot I haf you so much troubles
+made. I haf neffer toldt you dot I cud do vork as Alfredt und Tom. I
+cannot speek me plain und I did yust so goot as I cud. I am sorry I
+kan't exbress my, my, my feelings mit dis ting, but I hope you must
+exkuse me."
+
+Palmer interrupted: "Oh, well; it's gone beyond my patience to stand it
+longer. You are an incumbrance, you are a barnacle. I'll sell you my
+interest in this enterprise and you can go on and run it; this
+partnership business don't suit me." Palmer ended it by saying: "I'll
+see you in the morning."
+
+The little party with the panorama were generally quartered with members
+of the congregation of the church in which the panorama exhibited. In
+making contracts with the various churches, Palmer, whenever possible,
+made it a part of the agreement that his people and horses were to be
+boarded. One family would take Palmer and his wife, another a couple of
+the others. When Palmer paid their board they were quartered in the
+meanest, cheapest taverns or boarding houses in the town. At times the
+company would lodge in a house the owners of which were very poor people
+who were sorely in need.
+
+It seemed to Alfred the more needy a family appeared, the more insistent
+Palmer was in forcing pictures, books, etc., upon them. It was a trick
+of his to hang a picture in the best room, place books on the center
+table. If they insisted that conditions would not permit enjoying the
+luxury of the books or pictures, Palmer would become insulting and
+complain of the quality or quantity of the food.
+
+Alfred and Jake were both so thoroughly ashamed at times they would go
+elsewhere for their meals.
+
+It happened that, when the trouble came up between Jake and Palmer, the
+entire party were quartered at a modest little tavern kept by a
+Pennsylvania Dutchman of large girth and little patience. Palmer had
+failed to induce him or his good wife, who did all the cooking, to buy
+pictures or books. "Ve vant no more picturs und ve don't reat der
+pooks," was the argument with which the old fellow met all of Palmer's
+solicitations.
+
+After one of their arguments, Palmer, as usual, lost his patience: "What
+sort of humans are you? You belong to no church. Where are you bound
+for? Like Jake--hell, I suppose." Then he laughed sarcastically.
+
+"Vell, ve haf got along always in Frostburgh und hell can't be much
+vorse und if you vant to sell picturs und pooks to pay fur your bordt,
+you besser stop mit Con Lynch (referring to a rival tavern). Ve don't
+keep travelers to kepp oudt of hell, ve keep bordters to keep oudt of
+der poor house."
+
+Palmer answered the old fellow's argument with a reply that he thought
+humorous: "Well, if I'd thought there was a poorer house in town than
+yours I'd stopped there."
+
+"Vell, it's not too late, gitt oudt, tam you, pack up your pooks und
+picturs und gitt oudt purty quick or I'll trow you oudt on der rote."
+
+Palmer, his wife and Gideon, sought quarters at the other tavern; Jake
+and Alfred remained.
+
+The next day was one of unpleasantness. Palmer never permitted an
+opportunity to pass that he did not cast slurs at all, Jake in
+particular. It was evident that Palmer was imbibing more freely than
+usual. He constantly drank whiskey; he was drinking to excess. Mrs.
+Palmer cried almost constantly. Gideon was more nervous than usual. He
+was at Palmer's side constantly; everywhere Palmer went Gideon followed.
+Long and earnest talks were engaged in, Palmer always obstinate, Gideon
+pleading. When Palmer left the place where the panorama was on
+exhibition, Mrs. Palmer stood in or near the door gazing out wistfully
+until he reappeared; then seat herself in the furthermost part of the
+room from her husband seemingly desirous of keeping out of his sight.
+
+Alfred finally inquired if he could do anything for her. In a few words
+she gave him to understand that her husband was of a very excitable
+nature at intervals, took to drink and continued it until he fell sick.
+She begged Alfred to have Jake apologize and not to quarrel or cross the
+man, no matter what provocation he gave them, all of which Alfred
+promised her. Jake readily agreed to do anything she suggested.
+
+Alfred and Jake retired to their room where Jake took Alfred into his
+confidence, informing the boy of the circumstances that led to his
+connection with the panorama. Palmer had an advertisement in a newspaper
+offering flattering inducements to a man with six hundred dollars. Jake
+read the advertisement. Palmer visited Jake in answer to his letter. His
+smooth talk won the honest German. Palmer was very sorry that Jake had
+not written sooner as he had about concluded a deal with a man in
+Brownsville and before he could arrange with Jake he must go to
+Brownsville, see the man and make some sort of an honorable arrangement
+to relieve him of the promises made. He induced Jake to accompany him to
+Brownsville. Hence the visit of Palmer and Jake to Alfred's home.
+
+Afterwards Palmer informed Jake that he was compelled to pay Alfred's
+father two hundred dollars to release him from their agreement. The
+honest German was thereby convinced that the panorama was a good
+investment. He persuaded his mother to borrow six hundred dollars, all
+of which was turned over to Palmer. Jake's understanding was that he
+was to be paid thirty dollars a week for his team services. Jake was to
+have charge of all moneys received, the six hundred dollars was to be
+repaid from profits of the venture. Jake had received to that date
+forty-one dollars. Drawing a paper from an old fashioned leather purse,
+passing it to Alfred: "Here iss der writing vot vill tell you how it all
+iss."
+
+Alfred read and re-read the paper which was in Palmer's handwriting. The
+legal phraseology was somewhat confusing, but his deductions, were that
+Jake was to receive thirty dollars a week for the use of the team and
+his and Bedford Tom's services; that Jake was to handle the money; that
+he, Jacob Wilson, was to retain six hundred dollars from the profits and
+that, when the said six hundred dollars had been paid, the terms of the
+contract had been complied with. Such was Alfred's understanding of the
+contract.
+
+He became convinced that Palmer had in some way defrauded, or intended
+to defraud Jake. The fact that Palmer had repeatedly asserted that he
+could get rid of Jake--he so informed Alfred when urging the son to
+influence the father to take an interest in the panorama--caused Alfred
+to feel sure that Jake was being tricked.
+
+Respecting Mrs. Palmer's request and owing to Palmer's condition, Alfred
+decided to keep the matter quiet for the present. Ending the interview
+with Jake, he returned the paper to the German with the advice that,
+when Palmer got off his spree, to take the matter up, have the contract
+examined by a lawyer.
+
+Although Jake was quiet and undemonstrative, he was no easy man to
+control when aroused. His limited experience in business, his
+unsophisticated nature naturally made him suspicious and there was not
+an hour while he was awake that he did not seek Alfred to talk over the
+possibilities of Palmer absolutely dropping him without returning any of
+his money.
+
+The night following that of the scene between Jake and Palmer, after a
+day that saw Palmer in front of the bar of the tavern at least twenty
+times, the second exhibition of the panorama began. It was the first
+town wherein the exhibition failed to attract a larger audience the
+second night than that which witnessed the first exhibition. The facts
+were Palmer's condition was apparent to all with whom he came in
+contact. The talk went over the town that one of the preachers with the
+show was on a tear and the other one couldn't hold him down. The church
+people held consultations and it was determined to cancel the third
+night.
+
+The second exhibition was even more ragged and uneven than the first
+night. The lift, or platform, did not give way and carry the painted
+pictures towards the lower regions; "Faithful" made the ascension as
+scheduled; and the climaxes and tableaux were all more beautifully
+presented than on the opening night. But the eloquent speeches were
+delivered by Palmer in a thick-tongued voice; his pronunciation was so
+imperfect that many of the most beautiful speeches were lost upon the
+audience. Palmer did not complete his lecture.
+
+All were nervous, all were laboring under great strain. The members of
+the little party exerted themselves; not one made a mistake, not one
+forgot a line.
+
+But Palmer, the manager, the proprietor, he who should have been the
+first in the work, Palmer was drunk, and the Pilgrim's Progress was
+ruined, insofar as that town was concerned. Palmer had become frenzied
+the night previous and cried over the excusable blunders of an honest
+meaning man. Yet tonight he had ruined the entertainment, disgusted all
+who heard him.
+
+Palmer imagined the performance the most excellent yet given, he so
+informed all. None had the heart to correct his bewildered imaginings.
+When Gideon came back and informed him that the church officials would
+have nothing further to do with the exhibition and that if it were put
+on the next night they would announce to the town that they were in no
+way responsible, he defied the church people, swore he would compel them
+to comply with their contract, that he would show, (he always used the
+word "show" when he was excited or drunk), the next night and several
+nights thereafter. He left the scene for the tavern.
+
+Jake and Alfred repaired to their lodgings. A long time after they had
+retired, a timid rapping on the door aroused them. The door opened, and
+Gideon and Mrs. Palmer were standing in the hall. The woman's face was
+the picture of misery; Gideon was in a terrible state of mind.
+
+Palmer had continued his debauch until he was frenzied. Both feared to
+remain in the house with him; he had attempted to injure both of them.
+Gideon implored Alfred and Jake to endeavor to calm him; at least,
+prevent him drinking any more. Jake was loath to go. He had no fear of
+Palmer but brooded over the abuse the man had heaped upon him--Bedford
+Tom had fully explained and exaggerated all that Palmer had said and
+that Jake did not comprehend at the time. Jake, after due deliberation,
+decided in his mind that if Palmer ever abused him again, and Mrs.
+Palmer was not near, Palmer would feel the weight of his hand. Therefore
+Jake thought he had best not trust himself in Palmer's presence.
+
+Loud words could be heard. Alfred trying the door, found it locked. The
+landlord demanded to know who was there. Alfred informed him that he was
+a friend of Palmer's and had come to look after him. He was admitted.
+
+Palmer was singing a popular song of the day at the top of his voice,
+the landlord endeavoring to quiet him. When Alfred caught a glimpse of
+Palmer he could not resist laughing outright. The man was minus coat,
+vest and outer shirt, his long, yellow neck, his sharp face with its
+tuft of beard, the hooked nose, made his head appear like Punch on a
+stick.
+
+Catching sight of Alfred, Palmer extended his hand and began singing a
+negro minstrel ditty, cake-walking around the boy several times, his
+hand extended as if he were inviting the boy to join in his dance.
+
+"Mr. Palmer! Mr. Palmer! It's very late. The folks in the house desire
+to sleep. Come on with me; come on to your room," pleaded Alfred.
+
+Palmer kept up his singing, keeping time with his feet. Jake appeared.
+Palmer rushed toward him, threw his arms about him, embraced him,
+calling him his only friend. "Stick to me, Jake, I'll do the right thing
+by you. I know you're all right; I am ashamed of myself for cussing you.
+But--never--mind. Come--on--Jake--come--on. Where's Gideon? I want to
+give you $600.00. Come on Jake."
+
+Jake held Palmer like a baby, pleading with him to go to bed. Palmer
+swore he would not leave the room until the landlord gave him another
+drink. Then he wanted all to drink with him. All declined. Then he
+wanted to fight the whole crowd.
+
+Alfred and Jake finally pushed and carried Palmer to his room. They
+deposited him upon the bed and held him there by force until his senses
+began to leave him. Sleep overcame him and, although he kept up a
+twitching of the fingers and mutterings, he slept. Alfred and Jake both
+fell asleep. When Alfred awoke, Palmer still slept. He tiptoed toward
+Palmer and was more than startled to see Mrs. Palmer seated at the head
+of the bed, where she had sat all night.
+
+Gideon called the boy and Jake into a conference. It was Gideon's idea
+that the party leave the town immediately, keep Palmer on the road away
+from drink until he was completely sobered up. The panorama was
+dismounted and loaded in the big wagon in less time than ever before.
+Jake gave the word and they were on their way.
+
+Palmer fretted and fumed the whole journey; Jake did not drive fast
+enough to please him; he would walk, then ride a short distance; all
+the while complaining and censuring first one, then another. Jake had
+not traversed half the day's journey until he became convinced that
+Palmer's effusive exhibitions of friendship the night previous were
+prompted by the libations of which he had partaken.
+
+Finally, donning hat and coat Palmer started at a pace so brisk that he
+was soon a considerable distance in advance of the slow moving wagon.
+Jake was thoroughly disgusted. At a little distance on he made excuse
+the harness was broken, and halted the team at least half an hour. Jake,
+like Alfred, concluded that Palmer would go a little ways and await
+them.
+
+When Jake resumed the journey he drove the team somewhat faster,
+prompted to do so by the anxiety of the good woman, who sat by his side
+straining her eyes, gazing ahead along the white, dusty way. The object
+she looked for did not come into sight.
+
+The shadows of night began to fall. Jake had the team going at a faster
+pace than the big wagon had ever sped previously. All eyes looked down
+the pike ahead of the team; all expected every minute to see Palmer on
+the road ahead of them.
+
+Gideon broke the painful silence: "Whoa! Whoa! Jake, pull the horses
+up." Jake obeyed. All turned towards Gideon. "No man could keep ahead of
+the team the rate we have been going. He couldn't keep ahead of us even
+if he had run, let alone walked. If Palmer hasn't caught onto someone
+who is traveling in a buggy or other light vehicle, he has laid down by
+the roadside and fallen asleep and failed to hear us go by. I will go
+back and look for him; it's only two miles further to town, you all go
+on."
+
+All hesitated. Jake then proposed that the wagon halt where it was and
+all go back seeking Palmer. Jake, Alfred and Bedford Tom retracing their
+steps, looking on each side of the road as they walked. Every person
+they met was questioned, but none had noticed a man answering Palmer's
+description. Inquiry was made at every farm house.
+
+Finally a traveler on horseback informed the searchers that a man
+answering the description of Palmer was seated on the driver's seat of
+the stage coach going west.
+
+The three retraced their steps and gave Gideon and the wife the
+information gained. Driving into Hancock, Gideon, who was best informed
+as to the lines of travel, decided he would take the train for
+Cumberland and ascertain there as to whether Palmer had been a passenger
+on the stage coach. Later in the evening news came that a stranger had
+been discovered by the roadside dead. To attempt to describe the misery
+of the wife would be impossible, and to aggravate the situation, to
+still more deeply aggrieve the trouble laden woman, a letter came with
+the news that one of their children was very ill at home.
+
+Jake and Alfred mounted the horses and rode to the point where the dead
+man was found. They arrived previous to the coroner; the body had not
+been removed. It was a lonely place on the pike. Two or three country
+folk stood near the fence, recounting for the tenth time the
+circumstances attending the discovery of the body. The darkness, the
+presence of death, were surroundings to which Alfred was not accustomed.
+
+The body lay about twenty yards from the road under a big tree. As they
+climbed the fence and faced towards the spot, a stench met their
+nostrils. They looked at each other. Jake was the first to recover his
+speech: "Phew! If dot's Bolmur, he iss spiled werry queek."
+
+Alfred reclimbed the fence. Jake looked over the dead man and remarked:
+"It don'dt look more like Bolmur as you do." Mounting their horses they
+were soon back at the tavern. The wife gazed appealingly at them as they
+entered, and, in a trembling voice, asked: "No news?"
+
+"No, it vasn't him, he iss been dedt a veek or two." Jake spoke as if
+disappointed that the dead man was not Palmer.
+
+Later, Alfred was lying on the bed laughing, Jake, looking at him with a
+smile which spoke inquisitiveness more plainly than he could have
+articulated the word, inquired: "Vot you laffin at? You laff like a tam
+fool. It makes me feel like a tam fool, too; I kan't tell but vot you
+iss laffin at my back."
+
+This only brought more laughter. Finally, Jake began laughing also. "I
+see, you iss laffin becos I toldt Mrs Bolmur dot de dedt man vos
+spildt."
+
+"Why, Jake, the manner in which you gave the news to her sounded as if
+we were disappointed that the dead man was not Palmer."
+
+Jake arose, walked over to Alfred, his face assuming a serious aspect:
+"It's a werry great bitty for der poor heart-broken-down woman dot it
+was not Bolmur."
+
+Gideon telegraphed from Cumberland that Palmer was there; that he would
+arrive on the next train. Jake and Alfred had the panorama all set.
+Night came on and neither Gideon nor Palmer had arrived. No train was
+scheduled to arrive until midnight. Mrs. Palmer was too nervous, too ill
+to give any advice or to even offer a suggestion.
+
+"Could she play the music as usual if they went on with the exhibition?"
+"Yes, she would get a cup of tea and be ready for her part of the work."
+
+Alfred arranged with the son of one of the church members to take charge
+of the financial end. Jake said he could do the part of Christian and he
+was sure that he would not make any mistakes.
+
+The church was crowded. Alfred had assured himself a thousand times that
+he could go through the whole dialogue. He was correct but there was
+quite a difference in the delivery of the impassioned speeches; the weak
+voice of an amateurish schoolboy could not impress the auditors as would
+that of an elocutionist with a deep musical voice.
+
+The panorama did not give its usual satisfaction although Jake, to his
+credit, went through his part without a mistake. But he did so in such
+an awkward, halting way, that it seemed like anything but a character to
+excite sympathy; in fact, his fall into the Slough of Despond was so
+clumsy that he injured one of his knees. All the while he was rolling
+about, supposed to be sinking, he was holding his knee in both hands and
+crying: "By yimminy crickitts, Uh! Uh!"
+
+People sitting near the platform were tittering and laughing.
+
+Gideon and Palmer arrived sometime during the night. Gideon was up and
+about early. He advised that Palmer would be all right by night.
+
+Gideon appeared more ill at ease than Alfred had ever seen him. Back of
+the scenes was Palmer so drunk he could barely articulate. He looked at
+Jake and Alfred as they entered and said: "I--can't--work--tonight;
+go--on--with--the--performance. I'm going--to--bed." With this he
+stretched himself out on the floor. Jake and Alfred gathered him up and
+laid him none too gently to one side of the stage.
+
+Confusion or some evil spirit awakened Palmer. He walked out into the
+auditorium. Sitting near his wife, he attracted the attention of many of
+the audience by giving orders, not only to his wife but in one or two
+instances he shouted at Alfred. This so completely unnerved the wife
+that she actually made mistakes in the music cues. This confused all and
+the exhibition was terribly marred.
+
+The minister of the church was outraged. He ordered the panorama removed
+at once and Palmer ejected. The town marshal escorted Palmer out.
+
+Alfred was so angry at the tantalizing remarks Palmer had cast at him
+from the audience that he did not dare trust himself near the man. He
+warned Jake: "If that Palmer speaks to me I will slap his face until it
+is as red as he made mine."
+
+The marshal, through Gideon's pleadings, did not lock Palmer up but
+carried him to the tavern. Gideon placed him in bed and returned to the
+church to escort the wife to the tavern.
+
+When Alfred and Jake appeared, Gideon was pleading with Palmer to go to
+his room. Palmer was demanding drink, the landlord informed him that he
+sold no drink nor would he permit drink carried into his house.
+
+Alfred, ashamed of the man, walked out on the sidewalk. Palmer forced
+his way out, Gideon feebly holding him. Palmer gave the feeble old man a
+push that would have sent him headlong into the gutter had Alfred not
+caught him. Alfred stood Gideon on his feet.
+
+Palmer backed off a pace or two, bowing and feinting as if to fight. He
+cried mockingly: "Who, who art thou? What kind of meat does this, our
+Caesar feed upon that he should thus command us?" Putting up his hands
+prize-fighter fashion, he sparred towards Alfred. He made pass after
+pass as if to strike the boy who stood motionless, permitting Palmer's
+fists to fly by his face without moving or dodging.
+
+Whether through Alfred's passiveness or by mistake, one of Palmer's
+fists landed square on the nose of Alfred. The red blood spurted over
+his shirt front. Before Jake or Gideon could interfere, Alfred had the
+man by the coat collar raining open handed slaps on his face, slaps that
+so resounded they could be heard above the confusion and bustle of the
+encounter.
+
+Palmer had become as a madman. Seizing Alfred's arm in his teeth,
+sinking them into the flesh, he held on like a bulldog. The blows Alfred
+rained on the man's face had no effect on him and it was only when
+beaten into insensibility that the jaws relaxed.
+
+The light was dim on the outside and those near by did not realize that
+Palmer was biting the boy. The severe punishment he meted out to Palmer
+did not meet with the approval of many. However, after they were
+separated and Alfred exposed his lacerated arm the talk turned the other
+way: "He did not give him half enough."
+
+The landlord sent for a doctor; the arm was treated. Mrs. Palmer
+assisted in binding up the wound. Alfred felt so humiliated he scarcely
+knew how to thank her. He requested the doctor to go up and see Palmer,
+but the good wife had attended to his injuries.
+
+Palmer, his wife and Gideon, decided to travel to the next stop by
+train. All day on the road Jake and Alfred were debating as to the
+course they would pursue. Jake was inclined to demand a settlement at
+once. Alfred persuaded him to hold off until he heard from home, then he
+would endeavor to collect the amount due his father, and if Jake desired
+to travel, he, Alfred, would organize a minstrel show and they would go
+on the road right.
+
+The panorama was set. Gideon was at the church but Mrs. Palmer and her
+husband had not put in an appearance. Alfred ran out to the door to
+inquire of Gideon as to whether Palmer would be on hand. Gideon assured
+him that the husband and wife had left their lodgings with him and
+should be at the church at the present time.
+
+Alfred ran back to the panorama. As he passed behind the curtain he came
+face to face with Palmer. A badly bruised, black and blue face was that
+into which the boy gazed. He was strongly inclined to take the man by
+the hand and beg his forgiveness.
+
+Jake, when advised of Alfred's feelings, said: "Vait, you kan't tell, he
+may make your forgiveness. It iss his place to do der beggin'; don't you
+make vrendts mit him till he askts you to."
+
+Palmer worked as effectually as if nothing had occurred, although his
+voice was unsteady at times and slightly hoarse. Palmer kept out of view
+of the audience. Alfred never worked so effectually, although his arm
+pained him constantly. Mrs. Palmer seemed in better spirits than for a
+long time.
+
+Gideon reported Professor Palmer had met with a painful accident in the
+last town and could not be seen--this was Gideon's statement to all
+inquiries for Palmer. The next morning ladies called at the tavern with
+flowers. The minister called; he talked to Palmer until the panorama man
+was so nervous he coaxed Gideon to get him whiskey.
+
+The next night Palmer was at the church early. He was particularly
+deferential to Jake and Alfred. Anything they said or did he acquiesced
+in. Mrs. Palmer seemed like a different woman. A letter bringing good
+news from the sick child was ascribed by Jake and Alfred as the cause of
+her cheerfulness.
+
+Gideon lingered at the church after the performance. Jake asked for one
+hundred dollars to be paid on the morrow. Gideon advised that the order
+must come from Palmer ere he could pay out the money. Jake answered: "I
+vill see Mr. Bolmur aboudt it early tomorrow."
+
+Gideon begged that Jake defer it: "Palmer is just getting back to
+himself; if he gets excited he may go to drinking again."
+
+"If he does ve know how to kure him, jes give him a tam goot trashing;
+dot's vot vill kure him. Heh, Alfredt?"
+
+Gideon carried the news to Palmer that Alfred and Jake had combined and
+at any time they saw him look toward liquor they intended to give him a
+thrashing. Whether Gideon understood this to be the attitude of Alfred
+and Jake toward Palmer or whether he used the threat to deter the
+drunkard, is not certain. Its effect was to so embitter Palmer that he
+set about getting rid of Jake at once.
+
+Mrs. Palmer was assured by Alfred that no such threat had ever been
+indulged in by Jake or himself.
+
+After he had exhausted all subterfuges, Palmer grudgingly gave Jake the
+one hundred dollars.
+
+Alfred was behind the scenes of the panorama dressing his sore arm. He
+had been thus occupied for some time when Palmer and Gideon entered and
+resumed a conversation they had evidently begun previously. Gideon
+seemed in doubt and fearful: "But how will you manage to get rid of
+him?" was the question he put to Palmer.
+
+"You leave that to me and don't you give him any more money; stand pat
+the next time he approaches you."
+
+"But he is a partner in the concern. If he went to law he could compel
+you to make an accounting from the time we began."
+
+"What do you think I am?" and Palmer looked at Gideon in disgust. "Don't
+imagine for one moment of your innocent, unnecessary life that I would
+sell a Reuben like Jake or anyone else a third interest in this panorama
+for six hundred dollars. Jake has no interest excepting in the profits
+until he is paid six hundred dollars. After the six hundred dollars is
+paid he has no further claim upon me. I could pay him six hundred
+dollars and kick him out today, or if the panorama did not make six
+hundred dollars this tour he would get nothing."
+
+"Well, it's best you pay Jake the six hundred dollars and get rid of him
+honestly," answered Gideon.
+
+"I'll get rid of him. It's a hell of a nice business to carry two men
+with you that threaten if you don't carry yourself straight they will
+thrash you. I am justified in doing anything to free myself and the law
+will uphold me in it."
+
+"Well, you will be compelled to get another man if you dispense with
+Alfred," urged Gideon.
+
+"Oh, I can run into Baltimore and get a dozen people if I want to.
+However, I'd like to keep the boy; he's useful and you can trust him.
+But he's the damndest, greenest kid that I ever met to have had the
+experience he has."
+
+"Well, he's a pretty good boy. He did all your work the night you were
+not here and your wife says he did it well; the boy has talent."
+
+"Talent, hell! That's not talent; that's nerve. That's why I say he's
+green. Did he ever say anything to you about his arm where I bit him?"
+inquired Palmer.
+
+"No; only to say it was pretty sore."
+
+"Why the dam little fool could shook me down for all I had in the world,
+mayhem is a penal offence in Maryland. That's why I say he's green. I
+skinned his daddy out of nearly two hundred dollars. He imagines he will
+get it when we go to Brownsville. I'll keep this trick so dam far away
+from that town a crow couldn't fly to me in a week."
+
+Alfred had a mind to walk out on the man and declare himself, but he
+held his peace. He sought Jake and together they consulted an attorney.
+Alfred's father would be compelled to bring suit where the debt was
+contracted, get judgment, send the transcript on before the debt could
+be collected. Jake did not own any of the panorama proper; his agreement
+gave him one-third of the profits until he was paid the sum of six
+hundred dollars and thirty dollars a week as hire for his team.
+
+Alfred did not believe Palmer would do anything at once; he concluded
+that the talk he had overheard was of the same character as that which
+Palmer had indulged in so often previously.
+
+Alfred was in bed; Jake sat by the window buried in thought. Finally
+Jake muttered: "To hell mit dis bizness, I vish I vas back at my home in
+Bedfordt." After musing in silence for some time, he muttered: "To hell
+mit Palmer; to hell mit Gideon; to hell mit everything but der
+panorama." Jake mused a few minutes. Rising to undress, he said
+defiantly: "To hell mit der panorama."
+
+The following day Jake asked for an accounting. Palmer endeavored to put
+him off. "How much uv dis panorama I own?" asked Jake.
+
+"Oh, Jake, what's the matter with you? You know what our contract is.
+Come now, you're an intelligent man, let's do business on business
+principles. I'll have Gideon balance the books by Sunday."
+
+"I vant dem balanced today; my condract says dat I am der vun dots to
+handle der money; maybe I take holdt tonight."
+
+Palmer became frightened. Gideon furnished Jake a statement showing the
+profits to be six hundred dollars and a few cents over. As Jake
+understood the contract he was to receive one-third of the profits, this
+would entitle him to $200, one hundred of which he had received.
+
+Jake immediately demanded another hundred dollars. Palmer pleaded that
+he had sent his money away. Jake was obdurate. Palmer finally produced
+the amount.
+
+Jake demanded that he have access to the books; both Palmer and Gideon
+demurred, but Jake was again triumphant. However, nothing that favored
+Jake was learned from them.
+
+
+    HAGERSTOWN, MD.
+
+    DEAR MUZ:
+
+    Your letter to hand. Pap will never get his money from Palmer.
+    He is never going to Brownsville or near there. I heard him tell
+    Gideon, Pap was a Reuben and he had skinned him out of two
+    hundred dollars. And Pap needn't deny it to you.
+
+    This man is awful; he will cheat anybody. I had to lick him, he
+    nearly bit my arm off. I nearly beat his head off; it was the
+    only way to get loose. I can't tell you all I know in one
+    letter. Let Pap sue for his account, send the transcript on and
+    I'll get it or I'll know why. He'll not get a chance to bite if
+    I go at him again.
+
+    I went out to your old home yesterday; they're real nice people.
+    I found the room where I cut my name on the walnut window frame,
+    it's nearly rubbed out. The house looks natural but the garden
+    and flowers are not like grandmother kept them. All the old
+    people asked about Grandpap, Uncle John and Uncle Jake.
+
+    Stir Pap up. If I come home, I'll write you before I do.
+
+        Your affectionate son,
+            ALFRED GRIFFITH HATFIELD.
+
+    P. S. Jake's written agreement is a fraud. If Pap has an
+    agreement with Palmer, it's a fraud too, don't go by it. Do as I
+    tell you, I know what's best. You'll learn law if you travel
+    with a panorama.
+
+The next move, to Winchester, was a long journey. One of Jake's horses
+having been sick, Palmer advised a day or two previously that the
+panorama and people, excepting Bedford Tom and Jake, would travel by
+train, thus relieving the team. He also promised Jake a payment on the
+profits at the end of the week. As an evidence of good faith he advanced
+Jake a week's wages.
+
+Jake wanted Alfred to make the journey with him in the wagon, but Palmer
+became offended: "What do you people want to do, get rid of the work of
+preparation? I should take Bedford Tom with me also but I will permit
+him to go with you for company, but not Alfred."
+
+Palmer gave all directions as to the roads as he always did. In fact, he
+cautioned Jake more particularly than usual. He also left orders that a
+dinner be put up for Jake and Tom to carry with them. Palmer arose early
+to see Jake off and again cautioned him not to lose his way.
+
+Gideon, Palmer, the wife and Alfred boarded the train. They were to
+change cars at Harper's Ferry. But Alfred took the train for Winchester,
+Gideon excitedly calling him to take the other train. "But that train
+goes to Washington, the man said so," pleaded Alfred.
+
+"Get aboard, quick," shouted Gideon, as he jumped on the moving train.
+
+Alfred ran into the train to Palmer. "Don't we go to Winchester?" he
+inquired. "Not until next month," answered Palmer.
+
+"Where's Jake and the team going?" asked Alfred. "They told me they were
+going to Winchester."
+
+Palmer gave a little forced laugh: "Jake was your friend, was he not? I
+thought so at least. Didn't you regard him as your friend?" inquired
+Palmer.
+
+"Of course I did," answered Alfred.
+
+Palmer looked at Gideon: "I told you there was something behind this.
+Didn't I tell you so, eh?"
+
+Gideon seemed undecided; he both nodded and shook his head. Palmer threw
+one limb over the other and rubbed his dirty hands together. "It was
+like this: Jake was a partner of mine. We've been having trouble for
+some time past. Yesterday he accepted a proposition of mine on condition
+that I was not to mention it to you. He stated you were friends but he
+did not desire to go into the minstrel business. He feared if you
+learned he had received his money from me you would be after him
+hot-foot to invest in a minstrel show."
+
+Alfred's face flushed. He did not deny that he and Jake had conversed
+many times regarding a minstrel show; Jake seemed greatly interested in
+it. Alfred fell for Palmer's plausible story. Palmer exhibited that
+which he claimed was a clear receipt from Jake.
+
+When the party arrived in Washington Alfred was so taken up with the
+thousand and one places of interest, he took note of nothing save
+sight-seeing.
+
+Lodging at a little hotel on a side street, Palmer had not been seen for
+a day or two. To Alfred's inquiry, Gideon mumbled something about new
+people.
+
+Mrs. Palmer became more anxious-looking every day. Alfred overheard
+Gideon mention Pharoah to the wife. Alfred connected the Biblical
+character of that name with the remark. Thinking the matter over he
+remembered hearing Palmer oftentimes refer to losses or gains at
+Pharoah. He finally connected it with some sort of a game and made bold
+to ask Gideon what Palmer had done about old Pharoah. Gideon, with a
+surprised look, asked how he knew Palmer was sitting in.
+
+"Oh, I heard he was after old Pharoah."
+
+"You've got the pronunciation wrong but the facts right. Palmer was one
+thousand ahead of the game. I begged him to cash in but that's the way
+with all who play faro. He didn't know enough to quit the game when he
+had velvet in front of him."
+
+Palmer had lost all his money but the little savings of his wife. Gideon
+had a few dollars, but that went also. Alfred had twenty-nine dollars
+which he refused to loan Palmer. The landlord finally yielded to the
+arguments of Palmer and Gideon and agreed to permit the baggage to be
+taken to the depot and, with the panorama, shipped to the next town; he,
+the landlord, to accompany them until his claims were paid.
+
+The party were off their route. No previous arrangements had been made.
+None of the religious denominations in the town could be induced to take
+an interest in the panorama. Finally, the courthouse was secured by
+rental, but without the influence of the church people, the receipts
+were not fifty per cent of what they usually were, so Palmer repeatedly
+stated. The hotel man had to advance money to move the company to the
+next place of exhibition.
+
+Here the receipts again fell short of the expenses. The hotel man sent
+home for money finally. Thoroughly disgusted, the hotel man left the
+party with Palmer's note endorsed by Gideon. He requested Alfred's
+endorsement also. That gentleman remembered Sammy Steele's advice and
+very politely declined to attach his signature to the paper. Palmer
+insisted that Alfred endorse the note, arguing: "It's only a matter of
+form; I'll take up this note within two weeks." But Alfred did not sign.
+
+Later on, Alfred overheard Palmer cussing Gideon's lax business methods:
+"Since you have been a missionary you don't know enough to top
+broom-corn. I told you to hold out everything on that hotel guy and you
+made him put up only thirteen dollars."
+
+It developed that there were no losses while the hotel man was with the
+panorama. Palmer made it appear there was in order to get rid of the
+man.
+
+Alfred wrote Jake a sarcastic letter advising that he thought it would
+have been more gentlemanly to have informed him of his dislike of the
+minstrel business instead of talking to Palmer. "I assisted you in every
+way and I thought you were my friend."
+
+No reply came. "Jake was ashamed to answer," was the conclusion reached
+by Alfred.
+
+Disgusted with Palmer, homesick, offended at his folks that they did not
+reply to his letter, he resolved to write no more but next pay day leave
+the panorama and go home. He so informed Palmer. Palmer's arguments had
+no effect upon him. Finally Mrs. Palmer persuaded him to remain until
+they could secure someone to take his place, promising to do so at the
+first opportunity.
+
+"If it's not too long I'll hold out but I want to go home; I'm
+homesick."
+
+Mrs. Palmer covered her face with her hands as she cried: "If there is a
+more distressing feeling than a longing for home I pray to God no one
+will ever suffer as I have. I've been homesick for years."
+
+Palmer sneered and sarcastically granted her permission to go home at
+any time she wished. "You and Alfred better go home together." Alfred
+felt like slapping the man and would have done so had not his wife been
+present.
+
+Palmer greatly interested the family with whom they were boarding. His
+long prayers at family worship and his eloquent talk completely
+captivated the entire family including two fine young men. Alfred the
+last day of their stay found Palmer rehearsing the elder of the two
+boys, the younger holding the prompter's book. Later Alfred overheard
+Palmer assure the old gentleman the panorama was the best money making
+and the most refined exhibition ever devised.
+
+Two days later the old gentleman, his two boys and another gentleman
+arrived in the town where the panorama was on exhibition. The report
+became generally circulated that the panorama had been sold to the old
+man for his sons. Gideon was to remain as long as they desired his
+services. Alfred was also a part of the sale. Palmer advised the buyers
+that Alfred knew as much about the panorama as himself. Alfred very
+promptly informed the old gentleman that he could not remain longer.
+This held up the sale. Palmer coaxed, begged and implored the boy to
+remain with the panorama. He assured the purchasers his only reason for
+disposing of the panorama was his wife's health. She had been separated
+from her children for two years, she was a nervous wreck. He had to make
+the sacrifice no matter what the consequences--his wife's happiness came
+first. The wife's appearance more than corroborated Palmer's statement.
+
+Finally he offered Alfred one hundred dollars to remain until the new
+owners learned the way of running the exhibition. Alfred's answer was:
+"You owe my father two hundred dollars."
+
+"I do not, I owe him only a hundred and ninety dollars," contradicted
+Palmer.
+
+"Pay my father and I'll stay."
+
+Palmer replied: "I always intended to pay your father; I'll pay him
+whether you stay or not."
+
+"When will you pay him?" asked Alfred.
+
+"As soon as I get my money from these people."
+
+"Will you give it to me for him?"
+
+"No, I will not. I will pay him as I promised. Your father is not
+worrying about his money. We're going to paint a panorama in
+partnership. I expect to be in Brownsville inside of a month, just as
+soon as I can settle my wife at home."
+
+Alfred agreed to remain. The sale was made, and Alfred was paid one
+hundred dollars. He wrote the folks at home detailing all the changes,
+advising that Palmer would be in Brownsville soon to paint a panorama.
+
+Alfred remained two weeks. The new people hired an actor to take his
+place. They did not do well with the panorama, Gideon remained but a
+short time after Alfred left.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Palmer forgot to pay Alfred's father; he also forgot to visit
+Brownsville. Years afterwards Alfred met Palmer. He was painting, he was
+an artist, so he stated. He looked like a vagrant; there was not much
+change in his face, only a little more weather beaten, the lines and
+wrinkles deeper, the eyes more dull and his hands more dirty.
+
+He advised Alfred that he had a contract and the work was partly done,
+but he could not draw any money until it was completed. "Now Alfred, you
+know me, you know how I have struggled, you know how the world has been
+against me. But I'll come back; I'll come into my own. I've got a scheme
+and I am working it out and it will be a winner. It will put me on Easy
+Street all the rest of my days."
+
+Alfred knew all of this talk was leading up to a "touch." Alfred had
+mellowed in his feelings. He had sympathy for the outcast but felt he
+did not care to waste any charity on the man. He was figuring rapidly
+mentally: "I will buy him clothing and give him a small sum of money,
+that's all."
+
+"Now you know my ability to earn money," continued Palmer, "and you know
+my family. I want you to do me a favor." ("The 'touch' is coming,"
+thought Alfred, "I'll have to give him $20 at least.") "Now, don't
+refuse me. I will have money as soon as this job is done, and I'll send
+it to you; I don't want you to give me nothing. I want you to loan it to
+me. Now Alfred, don't go back on me."
+
+"Well, business is none too good and I have heavy expenses and calls
+like yours every day. How much do you want?" cautiously inquired Alfred.
+
+"Loan me a dollar," pleaded Palmer.
+
+Alfred handed the man two dollars with a sigh of relief, crediting
+himself with eighteen. "Where are Mrs. Palmer and Gideon?" asked Alfred.
+
+"Oh, Gideon died years ago. He hadn't nothing to live for; he just laid
+down and died. Mrs. Palmer is at home; I've got a fine home. The
+children--oh, one of them married a big orange grove man in California
+and the other is with her mother."
+
+Alfred afterwards learned that Gideon was dead; that the contract Palmer
+was working on was decorating mirrors in bar-rooms. Mrs. Palmer was
+living with relatives. Palmer had not contributed to her support in
+years. One of the girls was cashier in a store in Kansas City, the other
+a nurse in a sanatarium.
+
+Palmer died of alcoholic dementia only a year or two ago.
+
+Jake is living in Bedford; he began where he left off--on the farm. When
+Alfred met Jake he summed up his panorama experience thusly: "Balmur
+cheated us all; he cheated everybody und got no good oudt uv it. He
+stoled the letters I wrote you und made you badt frednts mit me. But it
+iss all gone now and so iss Balmur. I dond't know vich vay he iss gone.
+He sed I valked straight into hell mit der panorama; I hope he valks
+straight oudt of it. If he does get in I'll bet dey haff a hard yob to
+keep him dere; he neffer stays no place long; und I'll bet dey'll be
+gladt ven he leaves--dat iss if he makes es much troubles in hell as he
+didt mit der panorama."
+
+It is not necessary to state that Palmer sent Jake to a place he never
+intended visiting with the panorama. Jake, confused and deceived, made
+his way home.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER SIXTEEN
+
+    Something each day--a smile,
+      It is not much to give,
+    But the little gifts of life
+      Make sweet the days we live.
+
+
+The world appears different to different persons; to one it is dull, to
+another bright. Contentment has much to do with it. The pleasant and
+interesting happenings crowded into the life of one being may arouse
+envy in another.
+
+The man of genius, the man of imagination will note things in the
+every-day trend of human affairs that will enrich his memory, store it
+with wisdom. The man of dulled faculties will never see things in this
+world as does he who is of a higher intelligence. Two men may travel in
+a country strange to them, their impressions of the customs, habits of
+the people, conditions and appearances of the land, will be widely
+different.
+
+After Alfred's return from the tour with the panorama he became the Sir
+Oracle of the town. The shoe-shops of Frank McKernan and Nimrod Potts
+were the gathering places of those who came to hear the stories that
+Alfred had collected in his travels. Previously the atmosphere of the
+two shoe-shops had been different. McKernan's shop was the gathering
+place of those who lived under the teachings of Thomas Jefferson, they
+were Democrats; the audiences at Pott's shop had formerly been composed
+of abolitionists.
+
+Nimrod Potts had been an avowed abolitionist.
+
+A change had come over him, politically at least. From a rabid
+abolitionist he had changed to a dignified Democrat, nor was it lust for
+office that wrought the change--that unholy feeling which influenced
+Horace Greeley, who was Potts' political god. Greeley, after twenty-five
+years of vituperation and personal abuse, such as was never before
+applied to opponent by political writer, denouncing those who were
+opposed to his opinions, as representing all that was of vice and
+violence, crawled to those he had abused for years begging their votes,
+willing to pretend to espouse their principles to attain office. Horace
+Greeley's seeking and accepting a Presidential nomination did more to
+discredit partisan journalism in this country than all other causes
+combined since the establishment of the Republic.
+
+Dr. Patton, a clean cut man, was the Democratic nominee for Burgess
+(mayor) of Brownsville. The Doctor was slightly aristocratic in his
+bearing, and a number of his own party were dissatisfied with his
+candidacy, although a nomination on the Democratic ticket was equivalent
+to election. Nimrod Potts was the nominee of the Republican, radical and
+abolition element; no one imagined Potts had a living chance of
+election.
+
+The times were propitious for the elevation to office of those of humble
+origin. Andrew Johnson, a tailor, was then President (by accident). The
+argument was used, "Why not elevate Nimrod Potts, the cobbler, to the
+highest office within the gift of the electorate of Brownsville?"
+
+Alfred had unconsciously boosted the candidacy of Potts by publicly
+announcing that he had visited the tailor shop of Andrew Johnson while
+in Greenville, Tenn., and that the shoe-shop of Nimrod Potts in
+Brownsville was much larger and more pretentious than the tailor shop of
+the man who was then President; and since the qualification for holding
+or seeking office in those days seemed to be graduation from some sort
+of a shop, Potts' claims should be considered.
+
+Whether it was this statement or the vagaries that at times influence
+the minds of voters, Potts was elected.
+
+It is a peculiarity of human nature that people neglect little
+bills--bar bills, cobbling bills, etc. Now every man in Brownsville did
+not run bar bills, but every man wore shoes (except in summer). Nimrod
+Potts had a list of names in the debtor column of his book embracing
+some of the best known men and hardest men on shoes in town.
+
+When Nimrod instituted what he considered needed reforms in the
+judiciary system, certain ones of the borough's citizenship--although
+they had never heard of the Recall--Brownsville had not advanced that
+far toward Socialism as yet--instituted proceedings in the county court,
+impeaching Potts. He was removed from office. Those who instituted the
+ouster proceedings were Republicans. Alfred's Uncle William, who was
+judge of the court, was a Democrat.
+
+Potts evidently reasoned that it was but natural that a Democratic judge
+should decide to remove him, but to be assailed by his own party was too
+much for even his fealty. Hence he proclaimed himself a Democrat and was
+received with open arms by that party.
+
+The causes that led up to the removal of Nimrod Potts as Burgess of
+Brownsville are recorded in history. However, the reader may have failed
+to note this famous "causus bellus" or forgotten it. In expounding the
+law two points were always kept in view by Burgess Potts--the
+Constitution of the United States and his cobbling accounts. If either
+the plaintiff or defendant were indebted to the cobbler, justice was
+meted out as the law required, with the addition of the amount due for
+cobbling. The cobbling bill was always added to the costs. If both
+parties to the case were indebted to the judge the law was bent to apply
+to the assessing of costs with the cobblers' bills added.
+
+Potts felt the honor that Alfred had conferred upon him in likening him
+to Andrew Johnson. The gatherings at Potts' shop, of which Alfred was
+the center of attraction, became more conspicuous than the assemblages
+at McKernan's. As may be inferred there was bitter rivalry between the
+two shoe-makers.
+
+It was not long ere doubts were expressed as to the correctness of the
+word pictures Alfred painted of the country and its people through which
+he had journeyed while with the panorama. Some folks who had emigrated
+to Brownsville from Virginia and Maryland could not remember anything of
+the scenes that Alfred described. Others remembered just such things as
+he pictured.
+
+Barney Barnhart, who was from Shepperdstown, not only verified Alfred's
+stories relative to the section where he formally resided but actually
+bettered some of them.
+
+Alfred was in high repute. He had regained all the prestige lost through
+his unfortunate connection with Eli. Working for his father by day,
+relating his panorama exploits by night, he was leading an exemplary
+life. Some folks ascribed his changed ways to the great moral uplift of
+the panorama. Uncle Ned gave Palmer credit for the reformation of the
+boy. Consequently they held Palmer in highest estimation. Alfred had not
+uttered one word derogatory to Palmer to anyone as yet. He was secretly
+hoping Palmer would put in an appearance and paint another panorama,
+that he might get control of it. He felt riches awaited anyone who
+possessed a panorama.
+
+Even when Alfred pushed a large pumpkin in the round hole of the chimney
+on Potts' shoe-shop, smoking out the largest gathering to which he had
+ever described "The Pilgrim's Progress" as shown in panorama--while the
+auditors stood on the outside of the shop fanning the smoke from their
+faces with their hats, Alfred, Phoenix-like, stood in the middle of the
+shoe-shop reciting Palmer's lecture. Alfred was never suspected of
+smoking his audience out. Instead Potts hiked across the street to Jake
+Sawyer's grocery and accused Jimmy Edminston of smoking out the temple
+of justice.
+
+Alfred's talks and recitals aroused considerable interest in John
+Bunyan's work, "The Pilgrim's Progress." Many were the arguments over
+the propriety of the work as presented by Palmer's panorama.
+
+Lin said: "Fur the life of me I kan't figger out how Bunyan hed ever
+hoped thet Christian would turn out good after the load saddled on his
+shoulders an' the trubles he wus sent through. Why, the devil wouldn't
+try tu win anyone by abusin' 'em thet way. I do not blame Jake fur
+kickin' over the traces an' takin' the wrong path, kos I'd jes soon gone
+tu hell as some uv the places they sent Christian tu."
+
+It was explained to Lin that the book was written as an allegory and the
+sufferings were to try Christian's faith.
+
+"Allegery or Perregary, I don't kur which. It's jes es bad es burnin'
+peepul tu deth tu make 'em Christians. Besides, I don't think much uv
+Christian nohow, the book shows he run away, an' left his wife an' two
+childrun."
+
+However, it was generally admitted that the panorama had greatly
+benefited Alfred. Sammy Johnson was no longer teased by him; Alfred even
+assured him that the Presbyterian Church would soon have a bell and he
+would be employed to ring it. Ringing a church bell was Sammy's
+hallucination. Alfred could even enter Johnny Tunstall's grocery, as he
+no longer shouted "Wrang hule" at the old gentleman. Alfred no longer
+associated with his former companions, but was more often seen with
+Teddy Darwin, John LeClair and other good boys.
+
+The Civil War, the Presidential campaign, the fight between the rival
+steamboat lines, had kept old Brownsville pretty well stirred up for
+several years, but nothing equaling the excitement caused by the
+campaign between Potts and Patton had ever been experienced in the old
+town. Torch-light processions were the popular way of arousing
+enthusiasm. It was the general belief in those days that the fellow who
+carried the biggest blaze in the procession was the fellow of most
+importance. Nowadays it's the fellow who buys the oil and sits on the
+porch and watches the procession go by.
+
+Cousin Albert was an ardent adherent of the Potts faction. Alfred's
+father was just as strong for Patton. The father was well disposed
+toward Albert but he was very much disgusted with Albert's fondness for
+torch-light processions, particularly when Albert bore a transparency on
+which was painted, in crude letters, a motto most offensive to Patton
+men.
+
+The father more than once intimated that Alfred was a very dull boy in
+some respects. "He can play practical jokes on people who should be
+exempt, and jokes in which no one but Alfred could see the humor. But
+there's Albert, who has laid himself liable to have any sort of a joke
+played upon him, goes Scott free."
+
+Therefore Alfred fancied any joke perpetrated upon Cousin Albert must be
+pretty strong or the father would stamp it as inane and without humor.
+
+Handbills advertised there would be a parade of the Potts club and the
+route was given. Alfred knew that Cousin Albert would be at the head of
+the marchers, bearing a very large transparency, with an offensive motto
+painted by his father's competitor, Jeffries.
+
+Alfred procured a piece of duck canvas, water proof, about one yard
+square. Repairing to the Bowman's pasture lot where the cows spent the
+night near the gate, Alfred, with a scoop shovel, filled the canvas with
+a half bushel or more of fertilizer. He carried it to Sammy Steele's old
+tan house where he had once carried food to the exiles. An old finishing
+table stood under a window from which the sash had long since
+disappeared. One standing on the table at the opening was six or seven
+feet higher than the narrow street below.
+
+Drums were beating, the procession was coming, the candle torches showed
+the parade turning Hogg's corner off Market Street; they were coming
+toward the old tan-yard. Alfred stood at the window with the canvas
+containing the mass of fertilizer. As the head of the parade came
+opposite he could see Cousin Albert outlined against the white-washed
+fence on the opposite side of the street. Swinging the package a time or
+two to give it momentum, as one does a club, Alfred loosened his hold on
+three corners of the canvas. The mess slid out as he had planned it
+would. He aimed all of it at Cousin Albert.
+
+Alfred was pretty sure aim generally, but he had not experimented with
+the sort of ammunition he was using on this occasion; he was not
+familiar with its scattering qualities. Alfred did not have time to
+either see or hear how his aim had affected Cousin Albert. There was an
+angry confusion of yells and curses extending down the line of march.
+Alfred felt sure that something awful had happened.
+
+"Catch him! Hang him!" There was a shuffling of feet in the darkness.
+Those at the head of the procession had dropped their torches. Alfred's
+joke on Cousin Albert had spread to some twenty others; in fact, all in
+line opposite the window were included in the joke.
+
+There was a rush for the old tan-house. Alfred flew. Down the stairs,
+over the fence, through the widow Cunningham's, across the street,
+through Captain Cox's yard and into his home, the thoroughly frightened
+boy fled.
+
+Pete Keifer, who had been in the army, a ninety day man, one of the
+first to go to the front at the call of duty, one of the first to leave
+for home after Bull Run, was most vehement in his threats on the lives
+of those who had broken up the torch light procession. Keifer's hearing
+was undoubtedly affected by the two pound lump that struck him in the
+ear, and some scattering. Sammy Rowland's white shirt front caught a
+cluster as large as a saucer. His wife said she had a feeling something
+was going to happen when he put on a biled shirt on a week day.
+
+Aaron Todd, who wore a set of whiskers that would have sent him to the
+Senate had he lived in Kansas, carried home concealed in his whiskers a
+pound or so of Alfred's joke.
+
+Alfred lay in bed trembling. Every sound, every footstep on the street
+startled him. When the father returned home he trembled until the bed
+shook, fearing it was the mob entering the house. He heard his father
+laughing, also the mother; then he heard footsteps on the stairs.
+Pretending to be sound asleep he snored loudly. As his father neared the
+bed he pretended to suddenly awake. The parent carelessly inquired: "How
+long you been in bed?"
+
+"Oh, I don't know how long, I've been asleep. Why? Is there anything
+happened?" asked Alfred as he pulled the clothes up over his head to
+hide his laughter.
+
+The father replied: "Yes there has and I feared you were mixed up in it.
+I am glad you came in early tonight." Then the father informed Alfred
+that some half a dozen rowdies had hidden in the old tannery and
+bombarded the Potts procession with all sorts of missiles and _things_.
+He told of the rage of Keifer, the plight of Todd, etc.
+
+Alfred was sorry the joke on Cousin Albert had miscarried but it seemed
+to him the hand of fate guided his aim, as all those who suffered were
+unfriendly, all save Sammy Rowland. He was a good friend with whom
+Alfred had labored in the tan-yard.
+
+Alfred went to sleep laughing and arose laughing. His mirth excited
+comment; it was so continued. The mother often asserted that Alfred,
+from the time he was a baby, always awoke laughing in the morning. But
+his mirth was so uproarious this morning that it caused the father to
+look worried.
+
+Finally, he called Alfred into an adjoining room. Looking him full in
+the face he asked: "Did you have a hand in that affair last night?"
+
+Had Alfred been threatened with death he could not have suppressed his
+laughter. The more he laughed the more serious the father became. He had
+become satisfied that Alfred was connected with the reprehensible act.
+The father continued threateningly:
+
+"Well, my boy, you keep on, there will be an end to this kind of work. I
+cannot protect you if it gets out on you; it will be the worst blow you
+ever inflicted upon this family." Thus the father talked until Alfred
+said: "Well, Pap, I hope you are not going to connect me with this thing
+just because I laughed."
+
+"No, but I have a feeling that you know something of it. Those
+associated with you in this thing will be very apt to blame it all on
+you."
+
+"Oh no, they won't. Now, just because I laugh _you're_ going to swear
+this thing onto me."
+
+"I am not," replied the father. "The whole town is laughing for that
+matter but it will go none the less hard with those engaged in it. I
+wouldn't go over in town if I were you," advised the father as he left
+the room.
+
+Alfred made his way to Potts' shoe-shop, passing the old tan-house on
+the way. Broken transparency, bits of candles, and other odds and ends
+were scattered over the ground. The white-washed fence opposite the
+window in the old tan-house had the appearance of a field covered with
+snow, with here and there a bit of cedar shrubbery growing on it.
+
+Dennis Isler, Jim Johnson and Piggy Mann were under suspicion. Alfred
+stood among the crowd and listened in silence to each description of the
+scene. No two had seen it alike; one man swore there were half a dozen
+shots fired, another declared a brick knocked the hat off his head
+without injuring him in the least.
+
+Alfred returned home. The mother and Lin repeatedly inquired as to what
+he was laughing at. Lin finally, when the mother was not within hearing,
+with an air "you may fool everybody else but you can't fool me" half
+whispered: "I know ye done hit. Everybody wud know hit wus ye. Why,
+look at yer pants laig, up thar in the room, the marks is on hit."
+
+Alfred flew up stairs. The right leg of a fairly good pair of pants was
+amputated just above the knee. The mother wondered why Alfred gave those
+pants to Cal Pastor (who had but one leg).
+
+The _Clipper_ had become very friendly. There was scarcely an issue that
+there was not a complimentary reference to the rising young actor, "an
+ex-attachee of this paper." The _Clipper_ carried a graphic write-up of
+the disrupting of the Potts procession. It was headed: "A Dastardly
+Attempt to Defeat Potts by Discouraging His Supporters." "A most
+unexpected and unprepared-for assault was perpetrated upon an orderly
+procession of Brownsville's honest toilers, who were assaulted in the
+darkness of night with murderous missiles and other _things_, in a
+heated campaign with momentous issues involved. The hurling of foul
+epithets is bad enough but when political opponents hurl such things as
+were hurled at the Potts adherents it is time to call a halt. Many who
+were injured by the fusillade declare the onslaught was so unexpected;
+they were so completely taken by surprise that, had they been killed and
+interred the assault would not have been more surprising to them. Among
+those who were in the worst of the affray was that gallant soldier and
+shingle maker, Peter Keifer. He has also seen service in assisting in
+arresting Sam Craft who was drafted. Mr. Keifer will devote his time to
+running down the hellish brigands who are a menace to the liberty of the
+ballot. Mr. Keifer says he will not be deterred in his purpose."
+
+Among those employed by Alfred's father was one, Node Beckley--"Noah"
+was his proper name, but all, including his wife, called him Node. In
+personal appearance he was not unlike Palmer; spare and wiry,
+slim-faced, a large hooked nose, a tuft of beard on his chin. He had no
+particular calling or trade; first a hotel keeper, then a house or boat
+painter, paper hanger or decorator, saloonkeeper, book-agent, banjo
+player and cheap gambler. He was good-natured. His wife was the head man
+of the family; what Node lacked in spirit she made up in talk. Node was
+kind in his way to his wife and children, who accepted his efforts in
+their behalf without any untoward semblance of gratitude and with many
+complaints that he did not do more for them. Consequently Node was
+always on the hustle, or as near so as his indolent disposition would
+permit him to be.
+
+Isaac Jacquette, John Barnhart, Jim Mann, Cousin Charley and others were
+continually teasing Node over his many unsuccessful ventures. Node did
+not always take their joshings good naturedly but would remind them that
+his time was coming, that he would yet strike a lead that would bring
+him fortune. He had hinted so often in this manner that Alfred became
+convinced Node was working on something in secret and became interested
+in him. The other men ascribed Alfred's fondness for Beckley to the fact
+that he could perform on the banjo; they often suggested that Alfred and
+Beckley start a minstrel show.
+
+"A boy's sense all runs to heart; A boy never sees the dark spots on the
+character of the man he fancies."
+
+Node Beckley was not a man of bad character. Alfred's father dispensed
+with Beckley's services that he might disrupt the intimacy between the
+two.
+
+Node opened a saloon, the Rialto, on the corner of Barefoot Square and
+Market Street. Alfred's father forbade him ever to enter the place.
+Alfred obeyed. The familiarity continued, the man and boy were often
+seen together on the street. Cousin Charley tracked them to the barn of
+the old James Beckley Tavern. Alfred's father feared he was gambling;
+all the gambling in those days was in haymows or unoccupied buildings in
+winter, under the trees in summer. The games were "Seven Up" and
+"Euchre".
+
+Node was of an inventive turn of mind. It is not known whence came the
+inspiration, nor is it certain that there was an inspiration. However,
+it can be recorded to the glory of Brownsville that the first flying
+machine or airship was the invention of a citizen of the old town.
+
+The flying machine was the mysterious creation that Node had so often
+hinted at. Alfred was deeply interested in the aerial machine. It was
+planned that the invention should be kept secret from all. Harriet, his
+wife, knew he was working on an invention of some sort, as he had been
+engaged in this sort of experimenting a greater part of the time since
+they wedded. When his perpetual motion machine failed to work "Had"
+Beckley had lost interest in Node's inventions. Hence, the flying
+machine under process of construction was known only to Alfred and the
+inventor. It was their intention to completely surprise the world at
+large and that part of it in particular bounded by the Brownsville
+borough lines, by having Node flit over the town and perhaps over the
+river; then later on, to Uniontown, to Pittsburg and other cities. Then
+Alfred and Node would travel all over the world exhibiting the flying
+machine.
+
+In those days steam was the only propelling power. Gasoline engines were
+unknown, electricity had not been harnessed except for telegraphing. The
+propelling power of Node's flying machine lay in the arms and legs of
+the one who soared in it.
+
+The invention was a very simple contrivance, from which very fact Node
+argued it would be successful. There were two large wings, nine feet in
+length and of a proportionate breadth, constructed of very light
+material, and, at Alfred's suggestion, covered with feathers. Alfred
+felt it would be more apt to fly if it wore feathers. Every backyard,
+wherein a family killed chickens, ducks or turkeys, was ransacked for
+feathers. The variegated plumage of the machine would have defied the
+most learned of ornithologists in defining the species of the bird
+family to which it belonged.
+
+There was what Node termed a "rear extension." Alfred invariably alluded
+to it as "her tail." Why he applied the feminine gender to the machine
+was another of those vagaries of which inventors are always possessed.
+
+Node termed the wings, "side-propellers." The arms of the aerialist were
+thrust through loops under the wings, hand-holds were at the proper
+length from the base of the wings. There was a light frame, to which the
+wings were attached; two light ropes, through pulleys worked by the
+feet, flopped the rear extension up and down. The rear extension could
+be also used as a steering apparatus. The entire thing depended upon the
+movements of the arms. After the machine was far and away up in the air,
+it would sail as do eagles and buzzards, so Node asserted.
+
+The only doubt Node had was as to possessing strength to raise the thing
+to the proper height. When he once got in the air, he had no fears of
+staying there.
+
+Alfred suggested that the first start be made from the steeple of the
+Episcopal Church. Node seemed pleased with the suggestion. Later, when
+they walked by the church and gazed up at the heights Node concluded the
+wings and rear extension would have sufficient air pressure to make the
+rise from a hill.
+
+The work had progressed to the point where an experimental trial was in
+sight. Node had been strapped in the frame-work several times. The wings
+worked perfectly; that is, so long as Node's arms kept in motion. The
+rear extension did not work so well. Node explained that it would not
+work until the thing got up in the air where his feet would have free
+play. He would sit astraddle of a bench, Alfred would hold the frame off
+the floor, and Node would work his feet. Her "tail" would wobble and fly
+up and down at a great rate. Its eccentric actions excited the
+admiration of Alfred. He assured Node that her tail would be the wonder
+of the world.
+
+"Why, Black Fan's tail never flew around like that, even when she got in
+the bumble-bee's nest," asserted Alfred.
+
+Node had made several attempts to raise himself from the barn floor, but
+there was not space to work the machine properly. They determined to
+arise early some morning, take the machine to Hogg's field, just below
+the pike and give it a trial. The apparatus was carefully carried to the
+little mound on the high hill overlooking Dunlap's Creek.
+
+Alfred cautioned Node not to fly down the hill, because it would be a
+job to carry the machine up the hill.
+
+[Illustration: Trying Out the Flying Machine]
+
+Lin, gazing out of the kitchen window at the chickens picking around in
+the yard, said: "Lor' a-mighty! What's happened them chickens? They
+ain't one uf 'em got the shadder uf a tail."
+
+Alfred had even stolen the big fly brush, made of peacock feathers, to
+birdify Node's flying machine. The extreme end of the rear extension
+held the long peacock feathers.
+
+That the bird man idea should be carried out Alfred had made a head
+dress of turkey feathers down the nape of the neck, and chicken feathers
+in front. When placed on Node's head, with his beaked nose and tuft of
+chin beard, he appeared very much as one would picture Uncle Joe Cannon
+robed in Maude Adams' "Chanticler" costume.
+
+Node was strapped in the frame, his arms adjusted to the wings, and
+Alfred adjusted the head dress against Node's violent protest. He
+argued: "The dam thing will get over my eyes and I am liable to fly into
+a tree top. Take it off. I'll wear it after I get the hang of this
+thing, after I fly awhile."
+
+Several attempts were made at a rise. The rear extension always got out
+of gear; the ropes and pulley tangled in the rigging. It was decided
+that Alfred hold the rear extension aloft. Node would run down the hill
+a few feet launching himself into the air.
+
+Alfred assured Node that he could be of even greater assistance. While
+the machine was in course of construction Node had his own way in
+everything. Now he was strapped in the apparatus and any innovation
+Alfred insisted upon he was powerless to reject. Therefore Alfred
+hastened home. There was not a clothes prop in his father's garden long
+enough to suit his ideas, therefore, he ran to the next door neighbor's,
+Alex Smith's, selecting the longest prop he could find. Hastening to the
+scene of the ascension, he found Node in anything but an amiable mood.
+
+"What the devil do you mean by strapping me in this thing and running
+all over town to find a pole to push me up in the air? Do you s'pose I
+want you to pole me like a raft? You hold up that end of the thing and
+I'll fly."
+
+Node was mad enough to fly. Against his angry protests Alfred inserted
+the end of the pole between his legs, held up the tail part of the
+machine, encouraging Node to take a running start, when he got the
+proper momentum to shout "Now," and he, Alfred, would give him a lift
+that was bound to shoot him into the air.
+
+They backed up the hill. Node lowered his arms, the wings resting on the
+ground, resting himself a bit; turning his bird-like head toward Alfred
+he asked if there was anyone watching them. Node was evidently not sure
+in his mind that the flight would be successful. When assured by Alfred
+that there were no witnesses Node cautioned him not to lift too strongly
+on the pole which was still between his legs. Looking up in the air as
+if to gauge the height to which he intended to ascend, he said: "Now get
+ready and stand by if anything happens when I light."
+
+"Ready?" asked Node, in an eager voice.
+
+"Let her go," was Alfred's reply.
+
+Down the hill ran the two. "Now!" shouted Node.
+
+Alfred put all his power into the lift he gave the man-bird. Node seemed
+to arise. One of the ropes caught around Alfred's neck nearly severing
+one of his ears. Alfred fell headlong, rolling over two or three times.
+
+When he arose he directed his gaze heavenward, expecting to see Node
+soaring through the air. Curses and struggles from a point twenty feet
+down the hill disclosed the whereabouts of the inventor. Node was lying
+there, the apparatus in a tangled heap. It was with considerable labor,
+made more difficult as he was weak from laughter, that Alfred released
+Node. Criminations and recriminations followed. Node swore he had
+started on a beautiful flight; he could feel himself going up as light
+as a soap bubble, just then Alfred's damn fool head-piece flopped down
+over his eyes, blinding him so he couldn't see what he was doing. He
+quit flapping his wings and fell like a log. If it hadn't been for the
+head dress there's no telling where he would have flown to.
+
+Alfred contended that the tailpiece caught on one of his ears and pulled
+the bird-man back out of the air. As proof he exhibited the lacerated
+ear. Alfred had assured Node that there were no witnesses. However, the
+aeronauts had an audience. Jake Beeca and Strap Gaines stood in the road
+below; Pete Williams, Billy Brubaker and a couple of strangers were
+looking down from the pike above; Johnny Johnson and Widdy Gould were
+gazing on the wreck from their back yards. Mary Hart, Jim Hart and Mrs.
+Smith were at the front gate, inquiring of Lin and Alfred's mother the
+cause of the strange procession then passing.
+
+[Illustration: The End of the Flight]
+
+Node came first. He had forgotten his hat and shoes, laid aside to
+lighten him for his flight, his clothes were literally bespattered with
+soft, brown earth, his nose scratched, one of his hands bleeding; on his
+head the bedraggled feather cap. Following behind came Alfred, one ear
+bleeding, his clothing covered with dirt. In his arms he carried the
+wrecked flying machine, the rear extension dragging, the beautifully
+colored peacock feathers trailing the dirt.
+
+Node, with bowed head and abashed manner, walked as though going to his
+execution. Alfred could scarcely walk at all, the ludicrous ending of
+the flight, appealed so to his mirth.
+
+Lin gazed curiously at the two as they passed. She scrutinized the
+flying machine closely, the feathers, the head-dress on Node. She
+entered the house: "Well, Mary," (addressing the mother), "I've seed a
+good many funny sights sence Alfurd's been ole enuf tu run aroun' but
+I'll be durned ef this one ain't the cap sheaf."
+
+"What's happened now?" anxiously queried the mother.
+
+"Well, I ain't seed enuf tu jes zackly say what it is but hit looks like
+Alfurd hed turned his mind tu a Injun show. He's got Node Beckley into
+hit; they has things all trimmed with feathers. Now you know what has
+made our chickens look so bobbed; they ain't one uf 'em thet's got es
+much tail feathers es a blue bird in poke berry time. An' yer peafowl
+feather duster,"--here Lin raised her hands--"why they ain't enough left
+to shoo a pis-ant, let alone a fly. Lor' Mary, hit's orful, they must-a
+had a sham battul or a war, fer Node is kivered with blood an' Alfurd
+looked peeled in several places. Node had on a ole feather head dress,
+barefooted 'ceptin' socks, no hat or coat, kivered with dust and so was
+Alfurd. He was carryin' the Injun fixin's and laffin'; laffin', why
+you'd think hit wus the bigges' frolik in the world. Node looked jes es
+Joe Sandford looked when he shed his wall-paper show duds. I'll jes run
+over an' see what Had Beckley has tu say. I'll bet she'll rear an'
+charge when Node gets home."
+
+"Good mornin' Mrs. Beckley, how's all?" was Lin's greeting.
+
+"Won't you walk in, we're all upside down here; walk in ef you can git
+in fur the dirt and cluttered up house. Node's been up and gone for two
+hours; I'm waitin' fur him to kum so we kin eat breakfus an' clean up. I
+have no idee whar he is; your Alfred an' him's together nite an' day
+now."
+
+Lin looked surprised as she repeated, "Nite an' day? An' what do ye
+s'pose they is up tu, Mrs. Beckley?"
+
+"Well, I dunno. Node's allus got some notion or other in his head. I
+never pay no tension to him; ef hit ain't one thing hit's anuther. I
+rekon hit's a patent rite concern. He's been putterin' on pattern things
+ever sence we wus married."
+
+"Do they run out at nite much, Node an' Alfurd?" Lin asked.
+
+"Why, every blessed nite and all day Sundays."
+
+Lin suggested: "Maybe they go to Baptus meetin'. Thar havin' a revivul;
+maybe Node an' Alfurd's thinkin' of jinin' the Baptus Church."
+
+"Huh! Node would be a hell of a Baptus; he's so feared of water he
+hain't washed his feet this blessed wintur," snapped Mrs. Beckley.
+
+Lin decided in her mind that Mrs. Beckley was entirely ignorant of the
+scheme her husband and Alfred had under way and she changed tack:
+"Perhaps they're startin' a show. Has yer husband talked about Injuns tu
+yer lately?"
+
+"No," answered the wife in open-mouthed wonder, "have you heard they
+were goun' off tu fight Injuns?"
+
+"No, no," quickly assured Lin, "I didn't mean they wus goin' tu fight
+Injuns. Yow know Alfurd's full of show notions, an' you know we had a
+Injun show yer on Jeffres Commons; hit wusn't much uf a show, nuthin' to
+hit. I thought maybe Node an' Alfurd had got hit into theur noodles to
+act Injun. Did ye see them things with feathers on them they wus
+draggin' aroun'? Yes, an' they got pea fowl feathers on too; bet all
+they hev no luck, pea fowl feathers allus bring bad luck."
+
+Here Node entered the room. His wife scanned him, noting his skinned
+nose: "Eh, huh, Mr. Injun, I hope ye ain't skulped?" lifting his hat and
+looking at his head.
+
+Node was considerably taken aback; he muttered something about making it
+go yet, "but no damn fool could pole him into the air." Poor Node
+imagined that his secret was out and that all knew of his dismal
+failure. When he learned that the feathers had deceived all and that the
+flying machine was looked upon as some sort of show paraphernalia, he
+humored the deception and admitted that he and Alfred were experimenting
+with Indian arms and things, thinking of giving an Indian show.
+
+This satisfied Lin. With all her cunning she was easily deceived.
+Running home she advised the mother that she had guessed it the first
+guess.
+
+"Lor', hit's no use fur Alfurd tu try tu fool me, I know thet thar boy
+better'n he knows hisself. I sed, sed I, es soon es I seed Node an' him
+comin' 'hit's Injun bizness this trip sure.' Why, anybody'd know thet
+what Alfurd was carryin' wus war hoops; war hoops is what Injuns has got
+more uf then most anythin' else. But I swear tu goodness I don't see how
+Node or Alfurd cud pass fur an Injun. Node looked like a skur-crow an'
+Alfred like a Tom-boy girl. Maybe Alfurd kud be Pokerhuntus an' Node
+Captin John Smith."
+
+That first attempt at flying but increased the determination to make the
+thing a success.
+
+The complicated gearing of the rear extension, was supported with one
+rope. It was double gear previously; now it was single gear. Before, it
+worked too rapidly and, like Black Fan when under full speed, was liable
+to go by the head.
+
+Node declared again and again that it was the rear extension that caused
+him to shoot head-first into the earth. He had just started to rise, he
+felt himself going up; suddenly the rear extension flew forward, "hit me
+on the head, your ole Injun feathers pushed down over my eyes, and I had
+to head her for earth. Why I'd been a fool to gone on up in the air
+blinded. When a man's flying he's more anxious to see than when he's
+walking."
+
+Alfred meekly suggested that the fellow with the circus walked the
+tight-rope blindfolded. Node admitted this fact; "But he had a
+foothold. If I'd had a foothold all hell wouldn't held me, I'd been
+flyin' yet."
+
+Often did they settle on a date for the next flight only to have
+something unforeseen interfere. Node desired a cloudy day with moderate
+wind. Furthermore, the next flight the course was to be laid out.
+
+Node declared with decision: "I want to have the starting and the
+stopping points definitely in mind, I want to know just what I am doing.
+I know this machine will do the work; I've got more strength in my arms
+than I ever had afore," and here Node would bare his spare arms and
+fling them about for exercise. "Yes, sir, if my arms hold out I can fly
+anywhere. I'll start from Town Hill, light on Krepp's Knob an' pick
+about a bit, rest my wings and fly back agin." Then Node would look down
+on the river which flowed between--he couldn't swim--and with less
+enthusiasm add: "But I won't do that yet; I'll wait till I get more used
+to the machine and the air currents. A man to fly right must understand
+the air currents jes as a sailor understands the course of the winds.
+There are currents and cross currents; sometimes they git all tangled
+up, then I'll just quit flappin' my wings, sink below the disturbance,
+and fly about below until I git out of them. The main thing is to get
+the rise."
+
+"Well, I'll give you a lift," suggested Alfred.
+
+"I want no more of your lifts," quickly answered Node.
+
+Finally it was decided that the next flight be made from the roof of the
+old barn in which the flying machine was housed.
+
+In answer to Lin's query as to what he was doing on the roof of the barn
+so early in the morning, Alfred carelessly answered: "Oh, I'm making a
+pigeon box."
+
+Lin said it looked as if they were going to build a mighty big pigeon
+house.
+
+Alfred declared it would be the proper thing to do to invite a half
+dozen or more friends to witness the ascension. Node dissented: "Wait
+until we get the rear extension to working as perfectly as the side
+propellers and we'll give an exhibition. If you invite anybody in this
+town to see me fly and anything goes the least bit wrong, they'll walk
+off and sneer and say: 'He'll never fly.' That's the way they did when I
+was working on the perpetual motion machine. I had it just about goin',
+and I invited two or three who I thought were my friends. They looked at
+it, praised me to my face and said: 'Node, by golly, you got it,' then
+they went right down street and told everybody that I was a dam fool and
+that's what disheartened me and I quit working on it. If I hadn't
+invited anybody to look at my work I'd had perpetual motion down to a
+nicety today. Why, I invented a magnet with which you could find gold or
+silver, no matter if it was buried ten feet deep." (It was the belief of
+many that there was gold buried in the hills around the old town; that
+eccentric, wealthy persons in the early days had buried.)
+
+"I had this magnet," continued Node, "working to perfection. Well, I
+took four men with me, and we went around the Point to where a fortune
+teller told 'Had' there was money buried. We worked along the hill up to
+where the fortune teller had said the money was. The magnet swung right,
+then left; suddenly it stopped, then whirled around and around. We all
+turned pale. There was a smell in the air like the damp in a coal bank.
+One of the men marked the place and said: 'Node, it's too late to begin
+digging today; we'll dig tomorrow.' I waited all day, but none of the
+men came. 'Had' was all excited about it because the fortune teller had
+described the spot to her; she could tell it with her eyes shut. Well,
+we walked straight to the place, and what do you suppose?" Node waited
+for Alfred's reply.
+
+"Well, I expect you found you was fooled," drawled Alfred.
+
+"Yes, that's what we did," asserted Node, "that's jest what we did find,
+we was fooled, robbed, tricked. There was a hole in the ground four or
+five feet deep. At the bottom, just the size of a dinner plate and round
+as a crock, you could tell there had been a crock full of money taken
+out of the hole. Not one of them fellers thet was with me has ever
+worked a day since." (Node had forgotten that they had never worked a
+day previously.)
+
+Node put his hand on the flying machine as he declared: "No, sir, no one
+shall know a thing about this invention until your Uncle Noah has it so
+he can do anything a bird can."
+
+The allusion to the hidden wealth impressed Alfred greatly. He became
+certain Node would make the flying machine a success. Therefore, he
+built the platform on the barn longer that Node might get a better
+start. Alfred was strong in the belief that he could greatly aid Node
+with the clothes prop as before. But at the mere suggestion Node became
+angry. He threatened to abandon the flight if he caught sight of a
+clothes prop in Alfred's hands. Node knew full well once he was strapped
+in the machine Alfred could do anything he chose. He therefore
+determined that no poles or props should be taken to the roof of the old
+barn. Alfred had the clothes prop hidden in the barn below. Node
+happened to discover it, and forthwith ordered Alfred to carry it back
+to Alex Smith's yard. He never took his eyes off the boy until the prop
+was leaned against the fence in the yard of the owner.
+
+Node swore he would inform Alex Smith the next time he went by Jacob's
+store that Alfred was stealing his clothes props, "And you know what
+that red-headed son-of-a-gun will do to you," threatened Node, as he
+shook his finger at Alfred.
+
+The morning was propitious; Node said so at least. There were to be no
+witnesses, but Cousins Charley and George were hidden in John Fear's
+coal house, Baggy Allison was in Alfred's barn, Jim Hart and Mary were
+at the upstairs windows in Alex Smith's house--all by invitation of
+Alfred.
+
+Node was very nervous. Alfred could do nothing to please him. In
+preparing for the first flight he had Alfred strap his arms in the wings
+first. He insisted all fastenings should be made ere his arms were
+strapped. Alfred had occasion to go below. Node watched him closely as
+he made his reappearance through the hole in the roof, evidently fearing
+he had brought a pole with him.
+
+Finally, the side propellers were adjusted. Node flapped them a few
+times, stood on tip-toes, very much like a cock crowing, as Alfred
+encouragingly assured him that he saw him rising. "If you had only given
+two or three more flaps with your wings you'd been up in the air sure."
+
+Then in a coaxing manner Alfred continued: "Now Node, if I was you I
+would not go too far for the first flight; just flit about, then settle
+and rest. Go at it moderate like."
+
+Node seemed to gain confidence. He walked back and forth, or rather he
+walked forth and then back, as he could not turn about owing to the rear
+extension. Node declared it wouldn't bother him in the air.
+
+Node walked to the edge of the barn some three or four times, bending
+his bird-like head to look down as if measuring the distance. As he
+backed up after looking down the last time, Alfred sort of taunted him
+by saying: "If you can't keep yourself from falling hard enough to hurt
+you, your flying apparatus ain't much account. S'pose you don't fly very
+high the first time, s'pose you don't fly far, with them wings and that
+tail you ought to settle so lightly you wouldn't break an egg shell."
+
+This seemed to strengthen the bird-man; he drew in a few deep breaths,
+gazing heavenward, then across the river at Krepp's Knob, then below him
+at the river. Alfred was all a-tremble. He remembered that Node said:
+"You must mark your course, your starting point, your landing place."
+Alfred wondered in his mind whether Node would cross to Krepp's or only
+cross Dunlap's Creek over Duck Leonard's mill.
+
+Node flapped his wings again. This time, with each flap of the wings,
+Alfred gave the rear extension a gentle lift. Node would rise four or
+five inches with each lift. He did nor realize that Alfred was lending
+help to his efforts. After a more forcible lift of the tail than any
+Alfred had yet given it, Node, turning his head, with a triumphant look,
+shouted: "When I say 'Three,' I'm going, but don't you do anything, jest
+let me handle her. Let go the rear extension."
+
+[Illustration: Node's Flight]
+
+Pointing the wings heavenward, gazing up as if in prayer, raising
+himself on his tip-toes, straining every nerve, in a voice tremulous
+with excitement, he began: "One," stretching higher, he shouted: "Two,"
+rising on his tip-toes, he reached the edge of the barn, as he fairly
+yelled: "Three."
+
+The wings came down beautifully, but they did not rise again. As Node
+stepped off the edge of the barn he descended instead of ascending, the
+rear extension got sort of tangled on the comb of the roof, Node and the
+machine dangled in the air momentarily.
+
+As Alfred dropped through the opening in the roof, he heard Node claw a
+time or two at the weather-boarding; something seemed to let go, to rip,
+then, there was a dull sound as of a bag of sand falling from a height
+to the earth.
+
+There was the sound of footsteps coming from several directions. Alfred
+heard all this while he was moving faster than he had ever moved before.
+Node did not beat him to the earth by a great margin. As Alfred flew out
+of the door of the barn, he saw Jack Rathmell doubled over the fence
+laughing as only Jack could laugh.
+
+Ere Node was disentangled from the wrecked airship, ere they escorted
+him to "Had"--he declined to be carried--Alfred was safely hidden away
+in Alex Smith's hay mow. Buried under the hay he kept peering through a
+convenient crack which gave him a view of the territory between his home
+and Node's residence. Somehow he figured the whole thing would be blamed
+on him.
+
+First, Lin was seen with her apron around her head going toward Node's
+house. It was not long until she returned, walking hurriedly. She
+reappeared in a moment, bearing in her hands something that appeared to
+be bandages. Then Alfred's father came. In a moment or two he was seen
+going toward Beckley's house. Then, a little later, the father and two
+or three others, including Cousin Charley, reappeared, walking toward
+the old barn. Cousin Charley was evidently describing the attempted
+flight as he pointed to the roof of the barn. All looked up, then as
+Charley marked a spot on the manure pile with his foot, all looked down.
+
+The father gathered up a part of the flying machine and carried it home.
+Standing at the gate he gave a shrill whistle, one that he had used to
+attract Alfred since he was a little boy. Alfred made no response.
+
+Alfred did not know how badly Node was injured. He felt very sorry for
+him, he really liked the man. As miserable as he felt, as sorry as he
+was, the funny side of the affair crept into his mind and, as usual, he
+relieved himself with a good hearty laugh.
+
+Alfred's laugh was cut short by a voice calling from below: "Who's that?
+Hey? Who's that?"
+
+Alfred recognized Alex Smith's voice. He remained motionless for a
+moment.
+
+The voice, part of the way up the ladder leading to the hay mow, called
+again, this time commandingly: "Who's up in the hay mow? Come down! Come
+down! Or I'll bring you down."
+
+Alfred remained motionless.
+
+"You won't come down, won't you? Well, you will when I come back." And
+the voice told Alfred it's owner was leaving the place.
+
+Alfred, climbing down the ladder, left the stable just as the gate
+slammed announcing Mr. Smith's coming. He stood motionless as Mr. Smith
+approached. When the elder man recognized the boy he was somewhat
+surprised.
+
+"Was that you in the haymow?"
+
+"Yes, sir," answered Alfred.
+
+"Why didn't you answer when I called to you?"
+
+Alfred related the whole story. Alex Smith accompanied Alfred home. The
+story of Node Beckley's flying machine was gone over. The father was
+mollified.
+
+Lin commented thusly: "One story is good till another's told. I jes kum
+from Beckley's; Node's not hurt much, jes jarred. He sed he went on the
+barn to test his apperatus; he wern't ready to fly. An' I don't reckun
+he wus an' what's more, he never will be. He wus jes straitnin' out the
+perpellers. He ses: 'Alfurd's been so alfired crazy to hev me fly he
+jes couldn't wait till I got my apperatus finished. While I wus standin'
+near the aidge uf the roof, my perpellers hangin' down, Alfurd snook up
+ahind me an' gin me a push, and afore I could raise my perpellers I wus
+on the groun'. If I hed knowed hit I could've saved myself an' flew off
+an' lit in the field.'"
+
+Alfred asked Lin who made this statement. She replied Mrs. Beckley had
+told it to her.
+
+"If Node told that story I am going over to contradict it, if his back's
+broken."
+
+"Nevur mind, nevur mind," consoled Lin, "I jes tole 'Had' thet Node wus
+a bird, an' like all birds, he knowed which way to fly, kase I heard he
+headed straight fur the manure pile."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
+
+    Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
+      Weep, and you weep alone;
+    For this brave old earth must borrow its mirth,
+      It has trouble enough of its own.
+
+
+The world does not require the same attainments from all; it is well it
+is so ordered. Some persons are well taught, some are ill taught, some
+are not taught at all. Some have naturally good dispositions and absorb
+learning readily. Some are deficient in mechanical ingenuity and yet can
+analyze difficult mental problems.
+
+It is no crime to fail in any pursuit or vocation, if failure is not due
+to idleness or deliberate preference of evil to good. There comes a time
+in the life of every reasoning person that they must take themselves for
+better or for worse, that they must take themselves more seriously.
+
+Captain Abrams had unintentionally contributed to Alfred's discontent.
+He had remarked that to putty up holes, paint a board or smear a
+hurricane deck was not much of a trade or calling, but to be an artist
+like Alfred's father was a profession that would bring success.
+
+Alfred could not drive a nail straight; he could not saw a board
+straight; he was such an awkward writer, the school teacher made fun of
+his copy book. She advised Alfred that she did this hoping that by
+publicly reprimanding him he would learn to write a more legible hand.
+"You excel in spelling, reading, geography and other studies; you should
+be ashamed of your writing."
+
+The grandfather, the father, the teacher, all liked Alfred. None
+intended to injure his feelings, yet the taunts, the censure, just and
+unjust, sunk into Alfred's soul, and, he advised Captain Abrams it was
+only the duty he owed his father that kept him there a day.
+
+Alfred was low in mind. He sought his father and endeavored to reason
+with him, but was dismissed with the argument: "You don't want to learn
+anything useful; if it was something connected with a show, you'd master
+it mighty quick."
+
+"But father, I have no skill or sleight to work with tools."
+
+The father interrupted with a peremptory: "Do as I did--learn."
+
+"I can't learn," pleaded the boy, "try as I may, I'm not cut out for a
+mechanic. If I could work like you it would be a pleasure to me to keep
+at it. I'm out of all heart with my work."
+
+The father evidently felt for the boy as he spoke in a more kindly tone:
+"You are not lazy; the things that you can do, you do well. Now you
+painted around that hull quicker than any man at work on the boat. Be a
+little more patient, take more pains and you'll make a good workman. I
+will pay you wages, try to make something useful out of yourself. You'll
+never amount to a hill of beans if you follow up your show notions,"
+pleaded the father.
+
+"Pap, I'm satisfied with what you give, it ain't that. I don't like the
+work. Of course, I painted the hull of the boat quickly but that's all I
+can do and Captain Abrams says there's nothing in puttying up nail holes
+and painting hulls; anybody can learn that in six months."
+
+The father became cross again, and, in a threatening tone, said: "I am
+your father and it is my duty to do my best for you; I firmly believe I
+am fulfilling my duty as a parent in ordering you to give up all other
+notions as to the future and get down to business and learn this trade.
+Now make up your mind; go at your work with the feeling that you are
+determined to succeed. If you go at your work in a half-hearted way you
+are certain to fail."
+
+"Well, that's the way I feel about this work; I can't learn it, I don't
+want to. There's a dozen other things I'd rather do and I can make more
+money out of them."
+
+This stubborn talk exasperated the father, and pointing his finger at
+the boy to emphasize his words, he said: "First, it was circus, then it
+was minstrels. You tried the newspaper business, you were not
+satisfied."
+
+"Why, you made me quit newspaper work," interrupted Alfred.
+
+"Don't interrupt me again," cautioned the father, "then it was that
+infernal panorama. That panorama was the worst of all, it gave you the
+habit of roving; you've never been satisfied a day since you went off
+with that panorama."
+
+"But father, you and all your family were willing I should go. You
+wanted me to go; I didn't want to go, I only wanted to get back the
+money Palmer cheated you out of."
+
+The father thundered: "Don't you try to saddle your roving onto me.
+You're not satisfied in any place and never will be. Don't you ever tell
+me to my face again that I even hinted that you go with the panorama and
+I don't want you to ever mention that anybody cheated me. I'd like to
+see the man who can cheat me. Now you go to your work, you're not your
+own man yet. I am going to send you to the Merrittstown Academy this
+winter and I want you to settle down. You've had it too easy. When I was
+a boy I had to get up at 4 o'clock in the morning, make all the fires,
+milk four cows and feed a pen full of hogs and I had to be done by
+daylight. You've had it too easy, your mother is the one that's spoiled
+you. From this day on it's hands off with her; I'll be your boss. Now,
+don't let me hear more of this roving talk."
+
+"Why, Pap, I haven't said one word about roving. Can't I do other work
+right here at home if I quit this, I don't have to rove, do I?"
+
+"No, but that's the upshot of all this talk," persisted the father. "Now
+get down to your work; learn it."
+
+"I can't," doggedly answered the boy. "Didn't you tell me yesterday my
+fingers were all thumbs? Didn't you tell me in front of all the hands
+that you were ashamed of me and that you didn't think it possible that a
+child of yours could be so ignorant and awkward."
+
+The father stammered and colored. He was a most affectionate parent, he
+was truly sorry that he had humbled the pride of the boy. "Why, my son,
+the men all know I was only teasing you; they all know you are most
+intelligent. You can learn anything you set your hand to. Why, when you
+went to Dr. Playford to learn to be a doctor he informed me as did Bob,
+that they never knew anyone to learn Latin as quickly as you. You could
+tell us all the names for medicines. Why, Uncle Jake, Steve Gadd and Joe
+Gibbons told me the time they took you to Washington County to the
+turkey shoot, that they'd all been down sick if it hadn't been for you.
+They say it rained a cold rain and you all got wet. Uncle Jake is
+subject to the quinsy and he was on the verge of it. They tried the drug
+store and everywhere and they couldn't get nothing. Steve said you went
+to the drug store and got all they wanted, only you didn't ask for
+whiskey; you called it fermenting spirits. Steve said the druggist told
+him confidentially you ought to be a druggist, you told him things he
+didn't know before. Now, go at your work as you did at doctoring and
+you'll learn. It has been the regret of your mother's life that you did
+not learn to be a doctor. I've sometimes thought old Hare just pretended
+your medicine made him sick to get out of paying the bill. I don't think
+Dr. Playford cared one thing about it so far as you was concerned but
+the other doctors talked so about it he just had to let you go. I've
+always felt sorry about it because, if any of our family is taken down
+with a fever, Playford is the only fever doctor in town."
+
+Arguments of this character occurred almost daily. Alfred grew more and
+more dissatisfied, the father more insistent. Alfred kept up his
+minstrel work, appearing ever and anon in amateur exhibitions. Folks
+kept pouring it into his ears: "Well, if I had your talent this town
+wouldn't hold me fifteen minutes; I'd take the boat for Pittsburg
+tonight. What does your father mean by holding you down in this way?
+Does your mother favor it? Why, your folks are standing in their own
+light. If I had a boy like you I'd hire him out and travel with him,"
+was Shuban Lee's comment.
+
+All this was not calculated to cool the ardor of an ambitious amateur.
+Alfred read the _New York Clipper_ weekly. He wrote many letters to many
+minstrel managers to which he did not receive replies.
+
+Charles Duprez, of Duprez and Benedict, answered one of Alfred's letters
+thusly:
+
+    DEAR SIR:
+
+    In answer to your letter--do you double in brass?
+
+        CHARLES DUPREZ.
+
+Alfred read and re-read the letter and finally answered:
+
+    MR. CHARLES DUPREZ:
+
+    RESPECTED SIR: I do not double in brass or anything else. I'm a
+    minstrel, not a contortionist.
+
+        ALFRED GRIFFITH HATFIELD.
+
+No reply ever came. Alfred concluded the minstrel field was overcrowded
+or managers would not have permitted him to remain idle, especially in
+view of the fact that he had offered to give their full performance, for
+as low as twenty dollars a month, washing and mending. To one manager he
+added a confidential P. S.: "If you are not doing very well I can put
+you on to a good thing, a panorama. I'm a panoramist."
+
+Alfred turned his attention to acrobatics. Every spare hour was spent on
+the tan bark pile with Lint Dutton, James Todd Livingston, Tom White
+and Lash Hyatt. Lint Dutton was determined to learn bare-back riding.
+Sneaking his father's horse from the barn, he would endeavor to stand
+alone on the back of the animal, Alfred playing clown and Bindley
+Livingston ringmaster. Mr. Dutton, after Lint had fallen and nearly
+broken his back, locked up the horse. Lint determined to give up
+bare-back riding and practice the Indian style of horsemanship. Many are
+the persons who had narrow escapes from being run over by Lint as his
+horse galloped up and down the back streets of the town, wearing the old
+feather head-dress that Node wore in his attempts to fly.
+
+Alfred and Bindley Livingston constructed a trapeze. Completed, it was
+suspended to the roof of the cow stable; the boys spent many hours
+practicing. The climax of the act, Livingston, the stronger of the two,
+hung by his knees on the little horizontal bar above, holding Alfred by
+the ankles both hanging head downwards, swinging to and fro, as does the
+pendulum of a clock; the limitations of the stable would not permit the
+swinging part of the performance. A large locust tree in Bowman's
+pasture lot, near Alfred's home, was selected as the best possible place
+to try out the double trapeze act.
+
+From a limb of the tree, Hen Ragor, the assistant in the performance,
+suspended the trapeze. The news spread that there would be some
+wonderful acting in the old pasture lot, Saturday afternoon, always a
+holiday to every boy and girl in old Brownsville to go fishing,
+swimming, nutting or berrying. On this particular Saturday all the boys
+and girls hied themselves to the old pasture lot; nor was the gathering
+confined to the younger set; a few of the adults were attracted. They
+stood at a distance, viewing the doings; however, not one of them but
+had a vantage position.
+
+As the exercises went along, Danny Gummert, George Pee, Denbow Simpson
+and Alf McCormick, drew nearer. Caroline Baldwin, seated on the fence,
+yelled: "Come in and look out, you can see better." This brought a laugh
+and a few of the elders outside of the pasture sauntered a little ways
+off only to come nearer as the applause and laughter grew louder.
+
+Alfred had covered himself with all sorts of glory in the numerous
+numbers in which he had participated. Caroline Baldwin, who, with her
+brothers Clarke and Charley, occupied two entire private boxes, (two
+panels of fence), proclaimed during an intermission that Alfred was the
+greatest actor in the country; "it was just shameful he was held down
+when people all over the country were pantin' to see him do his
+showin'."
+
+Lin declared: "Nobody in eny show thet's ben yere in years kin hol' a
+candul tu him; they can't tech him. He kin walk ontu his hans better en
+some peepul kin on thar feet." Here Lin cast a withering glance at Jack
+Beckley that would have sobered one less saturated.
+
+Jack returned Lin's look with a vague grin, saying: "I'm drunk and glad
+of it."
+
+Lin gave him a smart push as she ordered him to keep his distance: "I
+smell licker on yer close."
+
+"Excuse me--I didn't--no--I hed--spilled eny--of hit." Jack seated
+himself on the grass, unheeding the jibes of the little boys and girls.
+He was a good natured tippler. In fact, he seemed pleased that his
+condition was furnishing fun for the crowd.
+
+No blare of trumpet or beat of drum announced the coming of the
+death-defying gladiators; no eloquent orator was there to describe their
+deeds. Unheralded, unannounced, without applause or acclamation Alfred
+and Bindley emerged from their dressing room, Baldwin's barn. Crossing
+the narrow alley, climbing the fence they stood under the shade of the
+trapeze tree, the open-mouthed, craned neck cynosure of all eyes,
+excepting Jack Beckley's--he had gone to sleep.
+
+The silence that greeted the duo was broken only by sotto voce remarks
+of Lin, taking a mental inventory of Alfred, or rather, his costume. He
+was attired in a red waist trimmed with beads, white tights, long,
+bright green, silk stockings tied with broad yellow ribbon garters, a
+big, double bow knot on the outside of each limb; a bright red nubia or
+neck comforter wound about his middle; no pumps, shoes or other covering
+on his feet.
+
+[Illustration: The Aerialist's Debut]
+
+The silence that greeted the appearance of Alfred was broken. Jack
+Beckley lying on the ground too listless and drunk to raise his eyes
+higher than Alfred's green stockings, noticed the great expanse of feet
+in them, seemingly larger by the spread of the loose stockings. He
+remarked to those near him: "Thar's a heap uf thet one doubled down on
+the groun'."
+
+Lin spoke as if to herself: "Well, I'll be tee-to-tully durned. Ef thet
+harum scarum devul hain't got my nit drawurs on fur tites, an' they fit
+him like sassage guts that's too big fur the fillin'. An', an'," Lin
+craned her neck towards Alfred, "an', an', by jiggurs, ef he ain't a
+wearin' Mary's (the mother's) green silk stockin's she used tu dance an'
+frolik in when she was a gal; an' Aunt Lib's worked, beaded Jenny Lind
+waist; an' Lizzie's new red nubby woun' roun' his shad belly. Ef he
+ain't stole the yaller ribbon offen Sal Whitmire's weddin' bonnit, I'm
+blind. Well, jus' wate, jus wate. Ef thar ain't a nuther circus to home
+tonite it'll be bekase his daddy ain't well."
+
+Alfred and Bindley bowed low, right and left, kissing their hands to the
+audience, then saluting the trapeze in turn. (This pantomime
+introduction they had copied from Mathews and Hunting, noted trapezists
+in those days.) However, the same salutes have been employed by all
+aerialists these many years, therefore Alfred and Bindley should not be
+charged with stealing the business of others.
+
+Preparatory to ascending to the trapeze Alfred unwound the nubia from
+his waist, casting it on the ground. Lin grabbed it up with a look that
+seemed to say: "Thank Gawd, I'll get that anyhow."
+
+Trapeze performers usually ascend to their rigging on a net webbing,
+hand over hand sailor fashion. Alfred and Bindley, after their bows and
+salutes, climbed up the trunk of the tree to the limb on which their
+trapeze was suspended. Coon like, they crawled out on the limb and
+lowered themselves to the trapeze.
+
+They kissed their hands to the uplifted faces below. At an agreed signal
+they bent backward, beginning with the feats performed by all
+trapezists. After every trick the aerialists would come up smiling,
+seated on the lower bar, side by side. Turning themselves upside
+down--which is the clearest explanation that can be written--they hooked
+their feet over the short bar in the small swing above and hung
+motionless head downward with folded arms.
+
+As they thus clung one of the yellow ribbons or garters on Alfred's limb
+became loosened. The long ribbon fluttered in the air, furling and
+unfurling it gracefully descended.
+
+Lin reached up her hands to catch it, muttering through her set teeth:
+"I wonder ef he'll shed the rest uf his borryed plumes. I wish he wud.
+Stretchin' an' crawlin' about he'll bust 'em sure." And Lin looked at
+Alfred's limbs with an anxious expression: "Ef he does you kan't sew 'em
+an' I ain't got no yarn thet'll match tu darn 'em."
+
+The last feat was the hanging head downward by Bindley, clasping Alfred
+by the ankles. Hen Ragor, with the aid of a rope cast over the lower
+bar, pulled the performers, backwards and forwards. When the proper
+momentum was gained Alfred released his hand hold on the bar. Henry was
+to hold the bar away from the swing of the human pendulum until Alfred
+clapped his hands. He was then supposed to slacken the rope in his hands
+permitting the bar to swing within the grasp of Alfred.
+
+This was the rehearsed procedure to carry the thrilling feat to the
+proper climax. Henry swung the trapeze too forcibly, one end of the rope
+slipped out of his hands and pulled loose from the trapeze bar. The
+lower bar fouled in the branches of the tree.
+
+Alfred was clapping his hands violently for the trapeze. Henry was
+endeavoring to cast the rope over the bar, his efforts resulting in
+failure after failure. Finally in his excitement he endeavored to cast
+the rope up to Alfred. The pendulum had nearly stopped swinging, and
+Alfred was waving his arms, clapping his hands and begging piteously for
+the big trapeze swing.
+
+Bindley above was holding on to the boy below. He implored Alfred to
+climb up to him. Effort after effort was made by Alfred to do so, but he
+hung limp and helpless. He could not command sufficient strength to pull
+his body up. He clutched at Lin's unmentionables as he hung head
+downward. The earth seemed a long way from him and things on it upside
+down.
+
+The boys below were yelling in their excitement, the girls had covered
+their faces, the grown folks, who had stood afar, rushed to the scene.
+
+Never will Alfred forget the few moments he was suspended thus, nor will
+he fail to remember to his dying day the first message he received from
+the man above. There was a splash, an incipient shower of warmish liquid
+falling on Alfred's upturned chin. Alfred wiped it off with his hand;
+fearing it was blood he scanned it closely. He was greatly relieved when
+he discovered that it was tobacco juice. (Bindley always chewed when
+acting).
+
+Following the juice came this message: "I can't hold you all day, come
+up here or I'll come down there."
+
+Alfred made frantic grabs, clutches and wiggles to climb up, only to
+fall back, more helpless. Hen was making an effort to throw the rope to
+Alfred. Lin grabbed him. Snatching the rope from him, she shouted:
+"Clim' the tree, clim' the tree, loose the swing, ye dam fool." Hen had
+started up the tree. A flood of hot juice rained down on Alfred's
+upturned chin, flowing into his mouth.
+
+Bindley, with clinched teeth, muttered: "If you get killed it's your own
+fault, I can't hold you any longer."
+
+Alfred could see old Mrs. Wagner at an upstairs window waving a book at
+Kenney Shoup urging to the rescue. He could hear voices as if in the
+distance. He felt a lowering of his body. He felt himself rushing
+through space. He made an effort to look up, and then all was blank.
+
+He had a numb feeling in his whole body. "Stan' back, stan' back, gin
+him air, wash thet tobakker juice off his face, hit luks like blud,"
+were the first words he caught. His eyes were wide open.
+
+"Pour water on his head; Lor' don't pour hit down his bosum, you'll ruin
+Lib's worked waist. Open the gate an' we'll carry him hum an' fetch a
+doctur, ef thar's no bones broke he may be hurt innerdly."
+
+Alfred raised himself up. He looked up into the faces about him.
+"Where's Bindley?" were the first words he uttered.
+
+"Oh, I'm all right," Alfred assured him, "we'll do it all right
+tomorrow, won't we Bindley?"
+
+Bindley nodded his head, doubtfully. Alfred attempted to walk but would
+have fallen had not helping hands been stretched out, easing him down
+until he rested on all fours. He commanded all to release him: "Let me
+alone, I'm all right. Come on home with me, Bindley." Painfully, slowly
+he started, crawling toward the opened gate, over the spot where he had
+collected the ammunition that disbanded the torch-light parade; nor did
+he turn aside for anything. Not unlike a four-footed animal he made his
+way to the middle of the street. He attempted to arise. Again weakness,
+or pain, bore him down. Hands that were willing to assist him before he
+crawled through the cow pasture, were now held aloof.
+
+Lin, as she saw him fall in the dust, said: "Well, ef he ain't a sight
+on airth. Kum on James Todd, help him hum; an' you boys strip him while
+I heat a kittle uf water, till we git him so the doctur kin handle him."
+
+Alfred staggered to his feet again, Bindley and Charley Brashear
+supporting him on either side. Thus, the limping procession slowly moved
+homeward, the young ones and a few grown-up ones bringing up the rear.
+These latter were re-telling the story of the accident for the twentieth
+time, usually concluding with: "Bindley is a fool; he had further to
+fall than Alfred; he didn't have to fall, he could have just flopped
+Alfred over and turned him so he would have lit on his feet and let him
+go. No, dam if he didn't hold on 'til he petered out and down they both
+come like two bags of salt. Alfred hit full length, it's a wonder it
+hadn't busted him. Bindley lit sort of half standing, but he got right
+up and limped a little and it was all over with him, but tother one was
+knocked colder than a wedge."
+
+Alfred had been feverish, hot. The great amount of water poured over him
+to revive him had run down his body, and the many pads in the maiden
+Aunt's garment absorbed the water. Alfred complained of feeling cold.
+
+Someone whispered behind him: "That's a bad sign. When that Jones boy
+got throwed off a horse, nobody thought he wus hurt much but he turned
+cold just afore he died."
+
+Aaron Todd stood at his gate with a cynical smile spreading over the
+small expanse of face not hidden by whiskers. He viewed the plight of
+the boy with evident pleasure. As Alfred, with the assistance of his
+companions, entered the gate leading to his home, Todd elevated his
+nose, and turning about as though to enter his house, sneeringly
+muttered: "Dad-burn him; he got a dose of his own medicine. Ho, ho, ho;
+chickens comes home to roost, don't they?"
+
+Lin led the way, as she commanded. "Kum on in through the kitchen, it
+won't du fur ye tu track over the front room carpet."
+
+With bowed head, leaning on his companions, Alfred limped to the kitchen
+door. Bindley and Charley disrobed him. Placing a big, tin vessel in the
+middle of the kitchen floor, they soused Alfred into it.
+
+There was not a bath room, private or public, in Brownsville in those
+days. Wash tubs were used in winter, the creek and river in summer. Once
+there came an oldish, high-toned lady from Richmond. She lodged with
+Isaac Vance at the Marshall House. He bought a new carpet and other fine
+furnishings for her room. It was an unusually warm summer. One day Vance
+noticed the colored porter carrying a tub to the lady's room: "Yer, yer,
+where yer goin' with thet tub?" demanded the proprietor of the hotel.
+"I'se jes carryin' it up tu Mrs. So and So's room," answered the colored
+man. "What's she goin' to do with thet tub this hot weather" inquired
+the landlord. "I reckon she's gwine to wash herself; she sed she's gwine
+to take a bath, I ges dat's washin' herself." "Huh!" snorted Vance, "not
+in this house in this weather. Ef it wus winter I wouldn't mind it, but
+I won't have her floppin' aroun' up thar like a dam ole goose, splashin'
+water all over thet new carpet. Take thet tub back to the cellar, an'
+you go up an' tell her ef she needs a wash to go to the crik like I do."
+
+Alfred was put to bed. The doctor, after careful examination, declared
+no bones were broken, there were bad bruises and might be internal
+injuries. However, it would require several days to fully determine,
+meanwhile the patient must be kept very quiet.
+
+Lin advised the doctor: "He lit mos' settin'; ef he'd hed a littul
+further tu fall he'd lit flat on his settin' down attitudes."
+
+A bottle of liniment was ordered, and Alfred rubbed often with the
+preparation. John Barnhardt and Cousin Charley volunteered to sit up
+with Alfred the first night. Alfred regained his good humor, laughed and
+jested over the termination of the trapeze act until all agreed he was
+in no danger whatever. "Why, he's jes carryin' on same es he allus does;
+hit nevur fazed him," Lin assured the mother.
+
+However, when the doctor called the following morning and Lin
+confidentially advised him that the boy was all right and he needn't lay
+abed another minute, the doctor dissented, insisting that the patient
+remain quiet, at least another twenty-four hours.
+
+Jim Mann agreed to sit up the next night. The father requested Jim to
+get someone to sit up with him for company. It was getting late, Lin was
+dozing, Alfred urging her to go to bed. There was a knock on the door;
+both felt sure it was Jim. Lin opened the door; there stood Jack Beckley
+and in about the same condition as the day before.
+
+Lin hesitated to admit him. Jack explained that Jim had invited him to
+sit up with Alfred. He said: "Jim and Dave Adams had a quarrel and Jim
+threw a pot of white paint on Adams, covering him from head to foot. Jim
+don't know whether he will be arrested or not; he does not want to be
+arrested and locked up at night when he can't give bail, so he sent me
+to look after Alfred."
+
+Lin, when Jack's attention was elsewhere, whispered to Alfred: "Don't
+close a eye tunite, sleep tumorrer; ye can't tell what a whusky drinkin'
+man'll du, thar's no dependence in 'em."
+
+Jack was a most attentive nurse, in the early hours of the night at
+least. He hovered over the bed at the slightest move of the patient. He
+insisted on using the liniment almost constantly, declaring he would rub
+all the soreness out of Alfred's bruises before morning. Alfred, half
+asleep, remembered Jack saying something about looking for more
+liniment.
+
+Jack left the house ere any of the family arose. Alfred was loud in his
+praise of Jack's kindness and declared him the best hand in the sick
+room he had ever seen. The mother was sorry he went off without
+breakfast. The father said he would hand him a piece of money when he
+met him.
+
+Alfred insisted that he had entirely recovered; Jack had rubbed all the
+soreness out of his hurts and he would not lie longer in bed. The father
+and mother commanded he lie until the doctor assured them danger had
+passed. The doctor called, and Alfred assured him he was all well and
+wanted to get up and go to work that very day. The doctor said: "Well,
+you ought to know how you feel. Have you any soreness in your joints or
+muscles?"
+
+"No, sir; Jack Beckley rubbed all the soreness out of me last night."
+
+"Turn over, let me see if there is any evidence of bruises." The doctor
+seemed deeply interested. Alfred could not see his face but he seemed to
+be critically examining him. He would tap various places on the bruised
+part of Alfred's anatomy. "Does that hurt? Does that pain you?" would be
+the question after each tap, to which Alfred would invariably answer:
+"No, sir; no, sir."
+
+After studying a few moments the doctor passed into another part of the
+house; he was evidently conferring with the mother. Returning he again
+took Alfred's temperature, examining the tongue even more carefully than
+previously. The doctor remarked, as if to himself: "It's curious. Did
+you sleep; have you no pain?" Again he turned Alfred over and gazed long
+at the parts of the body supposed to be bruised.
+
+Alfred began to get interested: "What's the matter, Doc; have you found
+any bones broken?"
+
+"No, no, nothing of that kind. But the bruises; have you no soreness."
+
+Alfred assured him that he had not.
+
+"I will be back in an hour," was the conclusion of the doctor's
+instructions to Lin.
+
+When Lin entered the room Alfred's first anxious query was: "What's the
+matter with the doctor, he wants to make you sick whether you are or
+not. I'm going to get out of this bed this day; I'll not lay here any
+longer."
+
+Here the mother entered cautioning Alfred to remain entirely quiet. "I'm
+going over to see grandmother; she is not well. I will bring your father
+home with me; the doctor will return by that time and we will know what
+to do for you."
+
+Later Mrs. Wagner came, a good-natured, motherly, old German woman, a
+near neighbor. Among her neighbors, she was esteemed as one whose
+knowledge was invaluable in the sick room. She insisted upon examining
+Alfred's condition. Although he insisted he was all right the old lady
+was permitted to examine his bruises. She left the room, returning soon
+with a large, hot poultice, applying it. Alfred grew rapidly worse.
+
+The doctor soon returned. At every pressure of his fingers he found a
+new sore spot. "Does that hurt?" "Yes, sir," would be the answer from
+Alfred. Warm teas were administered, cold towels were placed on his
+head, and hot poultices on other parts of his anatomy. Alfred feebly
+acknowledged he was feeling very badly.
+
+The father and mother came and with them the grandmother. When alone,
+the father advised Alfred that his body was a solid mass of bruises,
+that the flesh had turned black and blue. Alfred heard Lin whisper
+something about "mortification hed set in an' the doctor feared blood
+pizen."
+
+The family were at dinner--Alfred had been placed upon a diet of squab
+broth, none of the flesh, just the broth--Alfred quietly arose and, with
+the aid of the big looking glass, (mirrors had not been discovered as
+yet, in Brownsville), and a contortion feat such as he had never
+attempted previously, he scanned the bruised parts. Lin's worst fears
+seemed confirmed; all his person reflected in the looking glass was
+black as ink, as he expressed it.
+
+Good Mrs. Wagner, with the doctor's permission, continued applying the
+hot poultices. Alfred's misery increased near night when the nurses
+advised him to calm himself as the bruised blood was rapidly
+disappearing. Alfred urged the good woman on by declaring the poultices
+were getting cold, although they had been applied but a moment or so.
+
+Uncle Ned came to sit up. He greatly increased Alfred's nervousness by
+his attempts at consolation. He showed Alfred the error of his ways,
+assuring him he might have been killed outright and that his foolish
+ambitions to become an actor would probably lay him up for weeks, that
+it would cost his father a lot of money and possibly leave Alfred with
+his health impaired for a year to come.
+
+Alfred, to get relief, implored the uncle to bring in more poultices. He
+kept the good uncle so busy his lecture was greatly interrupted.
+
+In answer to the doctor's first question: "How do you feel this
+morning?" Alfred replied: "Very weak; I had no sleep last night."
+
+The doctor examined the patient carefully. "Does that hurt?" "No, sir,"
+answered the sufferer. "Well, you're coming around all right; the blood
+is circulating and the bruises are much better, your flesh is assuming
+its natural color."
+
+"Doctor, I think that liniment had something to do with my trouble,
+don't you? It nearly burned me up and the turpentine in it smelled so I
+could hardly stand it. I told Jack when he was rubbing me it felt like
+he was raising blisters."
+
+The doctor interrupted the patient by hastily correcting him as to there
+being any turpentine in the liniment.
+
+"I know there was, I've worked with turpentine too long not to know the
+smell of it," persisted Alfred.
+
+Lin also declared the whole house smelled so of turpentine she was
+compelled to change the bed clothes. "Ye kan't tell what a man thet
+drinks licker like water mought take intu his hed to rub ontu a body. I
+wanted tu hist him when he fust kum, but no, Jim Mann sent him an' he
+mus' stay."
+
+"Where's that bottle of liniment I sent here," demanded the doctor.
+
+Lin opened the closet door and handed out two bottles. One of them
+contained a few drops of an amber colored fluid. "This is the lotion I
+prescribed," said the doctor, and he poured a few drops of the liquid in
+the hollow of his hand. Rubbing his hands briskly he held both palms
+over his nostrils. Sniffing it he drew his hands back, his eyes
+watering. "There's no turpentine in that mixture." He held his hands
+over Lin's nostrils and triumphantly asked if she could detect the odor
+of turpentine. Lin admitted that it had no scent of turpentine. The
+doctor held his hands over Alfred's face: "Where's your turpentine?
+You're a good judge of turpentine and you work in it every day and
+cannot detect the odor of it from alcohol, wintergreen and chloroform."
+The doctor laughed as he seldom laughed.
+
+Calling the mother the doctor laughingly poked a great deal of fun at
+Lin: "I wouldn't want Alfred or Lin to buy turpentine for me." He kept
+the fun going by reminding Alfred that Jeffries (the father's
+competitor) was probably correct when he spread the report that the
+father used benzine in his paint instead of turpentine. This was a
+center shot at Alfred. The report had been circulated that his father
+used benzine to mix his paint with. During the war the price of
+turpentine was almost prohibitive and benzine was used by many painters.
+It was not a good substitute and it was a common thing for one
+contractor to injure another by circulating the report that his
+competitor used benzine.
+
+Raising himself up in bed Alfred stoutly reiterated that it was
+turpentine he smelled in the liniment.
+
+Lin said: "Durned ef ye kin fool me in the smell uf enything; my snoot
+nevur lies. I not only smelt hit but ye kud taste hit."
+
+The mother added her observations to Alfred's and Lin's insisting the
+room smelled as strongly of turpentine as though it had just been
+painted. "I was compelled to open the windows," she said.
+
+The doctor could not combat the new evidence, it was too direct. "Well,
+if there was turpentine rubbed on this boy, Jack Beckley brought it
+here. Have you any turpentine in the house he could have gotten at?"
+
+The mother and Lin both declared there was not a drop of turpentine in
+the house.
+
+The doctor left with orders to continue the poultices.
+
+Bindley called with his coat pockets full of green apples. Emptying the
+unmatured fruit on the bed, he cautioned Alfred to eat salt on them and
+they wouldn't hurt him. Bindley was insulted when the green apples were
+thrown out by Lin, with the remark: "Huh! He's got enough pizen in his
+sistum without loadin' him up with worms."
+
+The turpentine story was detailed to the father with the benzine
+reflection, and he was hot under the collar. He sent Bindley forthwith
+to locate Jack Beckley and bring him to the house: "But don't say one
+word to him about what we want him for."
+
+The report had spread that Alfred was in a serious condition. Many were
+the callers and many the comments on the accident. Mrs. Todd said:
+"Well, I can't understand why it was that the Livingston boy, who was
+the higher up and fell the farthest, escaped injury, and Alfred was hurt
+so badly. They say Livingston could have saved himself the fall. They
+say he risked his life to save Alfred. I can't just understand how
+Alfred got hurt so badly; it seems like a visitation of Providence; you
+know Alfred has been so forward in his devilment with other folks."
+
+Lin flared up as she answered: "An' I kan't fur the life uf me figger
+out how Bindley fell so much higher down then Alfurd an' didn't break
+his back. But judgin' by the terbakker juce he spilled on Alfurd afore
+he fell he mus' dropped his quid an' then fell on hit an' thet broke his
+fall."
+
+There is no denying the fact that the accident made Bindley the hero and
+Alfred the goat. Peter Hunt said: "Bindley was prompted by that sense of
+duty one boy feels toward another. He held Alfred until he could hold no
+longer, and when strength gave out, he fell with Alfred. It was an act
+of heroism."
+
+Peter said there were two bodies falling with equal velocity; if one had
+fallen on top of the other the concussion would not have been great.
+
+Johnny Tunstall said of Alfred: "Huh! The munkey devil; ye kudn't kill
+him with a hax."
+
+George Fee expressed his sorrow thusly: "It's a great pity they fell; I
+tole Susan so, for when they wus up in them swings they wus nearer
+Heavun un they'll ever git again."
+
+Aaron Todd pushed his whiskers over the garden fence, inquiring of Lin
+as to Alfred's condition: "He's purty badly hurt I fear," he began, and,
+with a tone that betokened anything but sympathy: "Hurt internally I
+reckon. He'll hardly pull through ef he hes blood pizening; I never
+knowed anybody thet hed hit internally thet evur got up again."
+
+"Oh, my!" and Lin pretended to be greatly surprised, "Oh, my, Alfurd's
+all right. Why he's up an' about. Ef you're goin' out on a torch-lite
+percession soon ye'll hear from him." Todd's face clouded, pulling his
+whiskers over the fence into his own yard, muttered: "The luck of sum
+peepul beats hell."
+
+The doctor and Jack arrived. "What kind of liniment did you apply to
+Alfred's bruises?" sternly demanded the doctor.
+
+"I dunno," quietly answered Jack, "your liniment I reckon."
+
+[Illustration: "And Thar's the Very Bottle"]
+
+"Was there turpentine in the liniment you used?" continued the doctor,
+not regarding Jack's reply.
+
+"Well I should say; hit nearly burnt my han' off, hit tuk all the skin
+off twixt the fingers; my han' wus jus' like when I hed the itch. I've
+been greasin' hit with hog's lard an' elder bark ever since," and Jack
+pulled his hand out of his pocket and held it up to the doctor's view.
+
+The doctor bent over the hand; it was discolored with small blackish
+spots. "Where did you get the liniment; did you bring it with you?" more
+sternly demanded the doctor.
+
+"No, sir, I didn't bring hit with me," somewhat impudently answered
+Jack, "I'm no hopathekary; I got the liniment right thar," pointing to
+the closet door, "an' thar's the very bottle," continued Jack as he
+opened the closet door.
+
+Taking the large bottle off the shelf with both hands he passed it to
+the doctor who shook and uncorked it. As he was in the act of smelling
+it the father entered the room. Turning toward him the doctor, with his
+nose still at the neck of the bottle, inquired: "John, where did you get
+this stuff, this liniment?"
+
+"Liniment?" the father repeated, as he reached for the bottle.
+"Liniment? Why, doc, that's not liniment. Who said it was? Why, I've
+been experimenting with that stuff nearly a year. That's not liniment,
+thet's walnut stain; I can stain anything to resemble walnut. We--"
+
+The remainder of the father's recommendation was lost in the laugh.
+Alfred kicked the bedclothes over the headboard; the women-folks ran,
+the doctor did not remain to see Jack remove the mortification from
+Alfred's body.
+
+When Jack had scrubbed, rinsed and dried the supposedly affected portion
+of Alfred's anatomy, he assured him the black and blue color had been
+supplanted by a redness of the skin that was remarkable. "Hit's es red
+es scarlet," was Jack's comparison.
+
+"Well for Heavens' sake, Jack, keep it quiet or they'll be doctoring me
+for scarlet fever," cautioned Alfred.
+
+As the doctor walked up the path toward the front gate Lin shouted after
+him: "Doctur, ye kin tell ole Jeffres thet John uses turpentine in his
+liniment ef he don't in his paints."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
+
+    Thank God for the man who is cheerful,
+      In spite of life's troubles, I say;
+    Who sings of a brighter tomorrow
+      Because of the clouds today.
+
+
+Then came a letter--whatever you may be, your parents were probably more
+so about the same age; but the world is wiser now than then, the boy
+world at least. The writer had heard of Alfred and his wonderful
+talents; he was organizing a minstrel show and would like to negotiate
+with him. The new organization would be one of the most complete in the
+country; it would be an honor to anyone to be connected with it.
+Benedict would head the company.
+
+Duprez and Benedict's was one of the leading minstrel companies of the
+period. How was Alfred to know the Benedict who was to head the new show
+was not Lew Benedict?
+
+Alfred engaged with the Great Benedict Minstrels. Rehearsals were called
+for 10 a. m. daily, but were generally called off until 3 p. m., by
+which time the principals were in such a jolly mood they did not require
+rehearsals; they felt funny enough to entertain royalty.
+
+The manager, or more properly, the angel, for angel he was, seemed more
+desirous of making a reputation in bar rooms than with his show.
+
+Alfred learned the minstrels were being organized to invade the oil
+regions where money grew on derricks. After subduing the oil territory
+the angel was supposed to become so favorably impressed with the
+possibilities of the enterprise, augmenting the company, he would treat
+the larger cities to a sight of the mighty monarch of the minstrel
+world.
+
+Doctor McClintock and wife lived near Rouseville, Pa. Childless, they
+adopted a boy, John W. Steele. Prior to the discovery of coal oil, the
+worn out fields of that locality were valueless. Now broad acres were as
+valuable as the diamond fields of South Africa. Never in the wildest
+days of the gold excitement in California was money more rapidly
+accumulated or squandered than in the oil regions of Pennsylvania.
+
+Johnny Steele fell heir to all the lands of Dr. McClintock. Wealth
+rolled in upon him; he entered upon a career of extravagance. He spent
+thousands of dollars daily, he literally cast money to the winds. His
+notoriety spread to the furthermost limits of the country; the daily
+papers, the weeklies, the monthlies printed exaggerated accounts of his
+profligacy.
+
+Skiff and Gaylord's Minstrels crossed the path of "Coal Oil Johnny," as
+Steele had been dubbed. Lew Gaylord made a great ado over the
+spendthrift. Steele accompanied the minstrels for a few days; their
+pathway was one wide streak of hilarity. When hotel men complained of
+the boisterous behavior of Steele the coal oil spendthrift bought the
+hotel for their stay.
+
+"Coal Oil Johnny" was the sensation of the day. He bought the minstrel
+boys hats, coats, shoes, trunks and that most coveted minstrel
+decoration, a diamond.
+
+The minstrels flourished for a few months. The public rebuked the
+unenviable notoriety of "Coal Oil Johnny." The minstrels steadily
+declined. "Coal Oil Johnny" went down with them. His money gone, he was
+made treasurer of the troupe his prodigality had ruined. When the ending
+came there was none so poor as he. Hotels where he had spent thousands,
+refused him even a night's lodging. He went back to the farm; the acres
+he had cultivated were covered with oil derricks; the friends he knew
+had departed; he was almost a stranger save for the notoriety he had
+acquired. Unabashed he seemed to take a pride in the spendthrift race he
+had run. He drove a baggage wagon; afterwards he became the baggage
+master at the depot in Rouseville.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+There never was a full rehearsal of the minstrels ere they embarked for
+Parker's Landing on the good boat "Jim Rees." There was no railroad to
+the oil regions from Pittsburgh in those days. The Allegheny River was
+navigable to Venango, opposite the present Oil City.
+
+Two members of the minstrels, song and dance men, took a dislike to
+Alfred. Others soon became intimate with him, they enjoyed his humorous
+narratives, particularly his experiences with Node Beckley and the
+panorama. The two members mentioned exhausted the new boy's patience and
+he invited both to fistic combat. His challenges were laughed at; the
+jibes and jokes became more and more insulting.
+
+Jealousy, that canker that eats and festers at the hearts of actors as
+it does at those of no other humans, was the motive for their actions.
+
+Alfred had introduced a bit of acrobatic comedy in the closing farce
+that was the laughing hit of the minstrels. Owing to the lack of acts,
+the stage manager ordered Alfred to put on a single turn. This act
+preceded the turn of the song and dance men. The singing of Alfred took
+with the oil men greatly. The two who followed were not even fair
+singers, their efforts fell flat; they had the stage manager change them
+on the bill. The change put them just before Alfred. When advised of the
+change he reminded the stage manager that he went on only for
+accommodation in the olio and flatly refused to follow the song and
+dance men. The angel ordered the two song and dance men on in their
+usual position, following Alfred. Alfred rehearsed a dance secretly. He
+finished his singing turn with this dance, introducing all his known
+acrobatic stunts. This rough dance simply set the oil men wild and the
+two worthies fell flatter at every performance.
+
+No philanthropist of the "Coal Oil Johnny" sort had discovered the
+minstrels as yet, but the path of their travels was one of nightly
+carousals. The two dancers were assisting the manager-angel in
+scattering the money that came in. The people were hungry for
+amusements; hence the tour thus far had been one of profit.
+
+The manager and his companions never went to bed when there was another
+place to go. It was one of the pass-times of the two dancers to enter
+Alfred's room noiselessly, pull him violently out of bed and steal out
+in the darkness. In one of their playful moods they carried Alfred's
+wearing apparel to another part of the hotel.
+
+Alfred warned the stage manager that he intended to resent this
+treatment. However, there was no cessation to the indignities the two
+put upon the young minstrel.
+
+But like all so-called ladders, they could not stand the gaff. After a
+particularly keen onslaught upon Alfred with their tongues, in which
+several of his weaknesses were commented upon, Alfred got back at them:
+"I don't have to cater to the manager to hold my job; I'm drawing my
+wages on my work, not on my cheek," was Alfred's retort.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+At Titusville, a banquet was tendered the minstrels by the landlord of
+the hotel.
+
+Many speeches were delivered, good, bad and very bad--all predicting the
+perpetual success of the minstrel enterprise. There was a lull in the
+gaiety. The toastmaster announced as there was no prepared program all
+would be expected to say something. He thereupon introduced one of
+Alfred's tormentors.
+
+The fellow arose, cleared his throat and made a laborious attempt to
+speak a few intelligible words, concluding with an indelicate story.
+The landlord tiptoed across the room closing the door that none might
+overhear. With a maudlin leer he followed the landlord with his eyes, as
+he shouted: "Thanks, Landy, this ain't a ladies' story." As he sat down
+there was neither laughter nor applause.
+
+The toastmaster called upon Alfred. He was overcome with bashfulness and
+did not arise until several urged him to say something. "Get up, get
+up," urged the two men opposite. Alfred arose, so confused he could not
+articulate. A voice shouted: "Tell them about the panorama."
+
+Alfred began Palmer's lecture. It had no application to the occasion,
+but few understood it, there was an oppressive silence. Alfred had no
+idea of when to cease talking, and would probably have given the whole
+lecture, had not Bill Young, a musician, one who took a very great
+interest in him, seized him by the arm, shaking him forcibly: "Here,
+here; you forgot the song, you promised to sing for us." Bill continued:
+"Gentlemen: Alfred will now give you a correct imitation of an old maid
+singing 'Barbara Allen.'"
+
+He gave the imitation so cleverly that the guests applauded again and
+again. As he ended the song, his eyes closed, imitating the old maid,
+something soft and mushy struck him on the breast of his white shirt.
+The juice spattered into his face and over those near him.
+
+A glance at the mushy mess, Alfred's eyes fell on the two men opposite
+him. One was looking apologetically at the gentleman next Alfred who was
+wiping his face with his napkin; the other laughing tantalizingly.
+
+Retaliation was speedy. It was not two seconds after the decayed tomato
+landed on Alfred until a large platter of soft salad of some sort, a
+sugar bowl and several smaller dishes were landing just where aimed.
+
+One of Alfred's tormentors lay upon the floor, his face and vest
+literally covered with salad and other cold lunch. The other was making
+for the door, dodging plates and cups that flew perilously near his
+head.
+
+Alfred, being the swifter, soon overtook the fleeing man. There was a
+short struggle, and Alfred's well directed blows took all the fight out
+of him; he begged for mercy.
+
+The landlord led Alfred to the parlor, commanding him to keep quiet and
+not cause further disturbance.
+
+Alfred remained in the parlor for what seemed to him a long time.
+Finally, the landlord returned to advise the man struck with the salad
+plate was pretty badly cut and they thought best to get a doctor. He
+further stated the other one had complained to the police.
+
+"The coward," sneered the landlord, "I wish we had let you give it to
+him; he would have had something to complain of. However, the chief is a
+good friend of mine and I think I can fix it so you will not be locked
+up."
+
+Alfred's first thought was, what will the folks at home say should he be
+thrown into jail?
+
+The chief of police and members of the company and others crowded into
+the parlor. The chief, one of those officials who felt his importance
+greatly, assumed to try the case then and there.
+
+"Have you had any fights before?"
+
+"Yes, sir, thousands of them," answered Alfred. He was under the
+impression the question covered his entire life. Everybody in the room
+laughed.
+
+"No, I had reference to a fight with the parties whom you assaulted here
+tonight," continued the officer.
+
+Alfred was just a little ashamed of the admission and entered into an
+explanation: "I never tried to fight them before, though they have done
+everything they could to worry me. Ever since I joined the show it has
+been one insult after another. I could scarcely keep my hands off them
+only I was afeared they would double team on me. I'd had it out long ago
+but for that," and as Alfred talked he warmed up.
+
+"Hold on," the chief interrupted, "do not incriminate yourself. Did
+either of these men ever offer you violence?"
+
+"No, they was afraid to, they're both cowards. I will fight it out with
+either of them right now." Alfred was angry; the old Brownsville way of
+settling such disputes was all he thought of.
+
+The chief remarked to those near him: "I feel sorry for this boy, owing
+to the fact that they have tormented him;" he turned to Alfred, "I do
+not feel sorry for them nor wish to protect them, yet that is no legal
+excuse for your assault upon them."
+
+Someone came forward with this proposition, that inasmuch as they all
+belonged to one family, that they shake hands all around, call
+everything square and go on about their business.
+
+"Well, if the party will withdraw the charge of felonious assault it's
+all right with me. I don't get nothing out of it nohow," was the police
+officer's reply.
+
+"Get them together," was the suggestion made by several. Alfred
+interfered by saying: "I'm willing to get together or do anything that's
+fair but I'm not going to travel with this gang of rowdies another day."
+
+The chief nudged him to cease and whispered: "Then they'll put you in
+jail."
+
+"Well, I'll put them in jail, too," retorted Alfred.
+
+"What charges will you prefer against them; you stated you had never had
+trouble with them before?"
+
+"But look what they have done to me," persisted Alfred. "They have
+plagued me until I couldn't have a minute's peace of mind, and then they
+hit me with a rotten tomattus as big as a gourd, why--?"
+
+The chief here interrupted Alfred to inform him that in law a rotten
+tomato was not considered a dangerous weapon.
+
+"Well, if anybody would hit you with a rotten tomattus, I know what
+you'd do; you'd shoot 'em, that's what you'd do."
+
+"Why, there was no tomattuses on the table; I can prove it by the
+landlord."
+
+"Them fellers went to the slop barrel and fished it out; didn't I smell
+old sour swill on it. Why the smell of that tomattus would made a dog
+sick."
+
+Whether it was Alfred's anger, emphasized by his smacking his hands
+together, his hurried speech, or the description of the condition of the
+tomato, the laughter that convulsed all seemed to make him more
+indignant.
+
+With heightened voice and more forcible gestures he continued: "If I do
+live in a little town, I've been away from home before, and I won't let
+no son-of-a-gun ride over me even if he is as big as the side of a
+house. I've got a home; I've got good people; I can go to them and I
+won't travel another day with a pack of drunken rowdies. You can do with
+me as you please. You say there's no law agin heavin' rotten tomattuses
+at a person in a banquet. What kind of law have you got in Titusville?
+If anybody would hit another with a tomattus at the dinner table in
+Brownsville they'd beat hell out of him quicker'n you could say 'Jack
+Robinson.'"
+
+The remainder of Alfred's forcible, if not eloquent, speech was drowned
+by laughter. Half a dozen present volunteered to go his bail.
+
+Numerous attempts were made in the early Sunday morning to influence
+Alfred to continue his travels with the troupe. To all arguments he gave
+the same answer: "No; I'll not travel further with a lot of drunken
+rowdies."
+
+With all sorts of promises, a raise of salary, promotion, and other
+alluring inducements, they failed to move Alfred. Finally as do all
+cajolers, the manager endeavored to threaten the boy into following his
+wishes. But with no better results.
+
+"I would walk home before I would travel another day with you," was the
+parting shot as the manager left the room, swearing he would have Alfred
+in jail and keep him there.
+
+The injured man swore out a warrant for Alfred. Captain Ham came forward
+promptly and signed the bail bond.
+
+The Captain was to open a summer garden or park a few days later. As
+Alfred had no previous acquaintance with the gentleman, he has often
+thought the deep interest evinced by the genial Captain was influenced
+by the two weeks' engagement offered and accepted by Alfred to appear in
+the park.
+
+In so far as the writer's knowledge goes, this summer park in Titusville
+was the first of it's kind in this country. Titusville is renowned.
+Rockefeller's career began there. Titusville was the birthplace of the
+summer park and the Standard Oil Company.
+
+The minstrels left Titusville with diminished forces; four remained
+behind. After a few nights more of feverish hilarity the company
+disbanded without money or friends.
+
+Thus early in life the fact was impressed upon Alfred that the drunkard
+is an annoyance to sociability; without judgment, without civility, the
+drunkard is an object to be avoided in every walk of life. The drunkard
+is a detriment in business; a disgrace to his friends; the shame and
+sorrow of his wife and children. He is shunned by even those who profit
+by his excesses.
+
+At a banquet in Chicago last year Alfred was confused by someone
+shouting: "Al, tell them about your panorama experience; there won't be
+any tomatoes thrown."
+
+He could not get his mind off the interruption. As the guests were
+departing a gentleman passed his card; the name was not familiar. Alfred
+was passing on when the gentleman said: "Al, don't you remember me? We
+attended a banquet thirty-nine years ago. You were served with tomatoes;
+I got a dose of salad or some such stuff. I didn't mind the salad but
+the plate kind of jarred me."
+
+Here he pushed back a lock of red hair streaked with gray, exhibiting a
+small scar high up on the temple. Alfred recognized him. To relieve the
+situation Alfred inquired as to the whereabouts of Dick, the other song
+and dance man. "Oh, he is, or was, working in a saw-mill in
+Williamsport. I haven't seen him in thirty years. Al, I didn't throw
+that tomato. Come over to the store, I want to talk to you."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Fort Duquesne, afterward Pittsburgh, was builded at the confluence of
+the Monongahela and Allegheny Rivers where they form the Ohio, called by
+the villagers the "Point"--a natural site for a beautiful village such
+as Fort Duquesne was at the time we write of. It was indeed a sight on
+which the eye might gaze enraptured, with ever changing beauties to
+charm it. The high hills on every side cast their shades over the
+peaceful village for, notwithstanding the prefix "Fort", there was no
+semblance of soldiery, cannon or war, about the peaceful place.
+
+The hills of smiling green rising abruptly in places, gently at others,
+towering above the rivers, seemed to look down upon the village and its
+peoples. The hills crowned with lofty trees and climbing vines, the
+trees swaying in the breezes seemed to be bowing approval at the
+tranquil scene below.
+
+The locust, the sumac, the oak, the walnut, the dogwood, the haw, the
+red berries, glowing in the eyes of the boys of the village, and as
+impelling to them as the red lights that later glowed on the Anheuser
+Busch plants in the city that supplanted the village of Fort Duquesne.
+
+Brownsville was one long symphony of content and happiness. The
+prosperity of its people excited the envy of those of Fort Duquesne. It
+was argued by the discontented of Fort Duquesne that the changing of the
+name of "Red Stone Old Fort" to Brownsville was that which brought
+Brownsville renown and riches.
+
+Therefore, certain ones of Fort Duquesne called a public meeting to be
+held at the "Point" where the matter of changing the name of Fort
+Duquesne was discussed. Those who had emigrated from Washington County
+insisted the name should be Brownstown, hoping thereby to profit from
+the confusion that would arise as between that name and Brownsville.
+They argued that when the traders from Shousetown, Sewickley and Smith's
+Ferry, came up the river to barter they would be confused by the
+similarity of the names and ascend the river no further, thus the trade
+of Brownsville would be diverted.
+
+Others argued that the name be changed to "Three Rivers;" still others
+insisted if change there must be, it be to Fort Pitt. Others wanted a
+burg made out of the old Fort. There was a compromise and the name
+"Pittsburgh" adopted. Immediately there was an influx of settlers,
+particularly from Somerset and Butler Counties. The town profited
+greatly by the change of names; there were many who could neither spell
+nor pronounce "Duquesne;" but now that it was made easier to explain
+where you lived, the town thrived.
+
+Pittsburgh, with an "h", became noted. In Fort Duquesne the people had
+been content to live as they began; but the interlopers from Braddocks
+Field, Greene County, and Holidaysburg changed conditions. The luxuriant
+cabbage gardens gave way to boiler yards; the little brick houses were
+supplanted by glass houses, still houses and other manufacturing
+establishments, the mark of that van of commercial greatness that has
+made Pittsburgh famous.
+
+That part of the town formerly given over to agricultural pursuits,
+namely the river banks, was now paved with cobble stones and termed
+"wharves," thus providing a vantageous place for the citizens to
+congregate when they had a boat race over the lower course. Occasionally
+a raft from Salamanca would be moored on the Allegheny wharf and
+shingles unloaded in piles for the children to play ketch around in the
+twilight.
+
+On the Monongahela side where the boats came from and departed for
+Brownsville, there was always more activity.
+
+Many of Fort Duquesne's best citizens seceded. The volunteer firemen
+remained faithful to the old Fort. They went into business on Smithfield
+Street and are known to this day as the Duquesne Fire Company. It was
+through those who seceded that the outlying boroughs of Birmingham,
+Brownstown, and Ormsby, were created on the south side, while those on
+the north-west side christened their settlement "Allegheny," thus
+destroying its future. As the river of that name that runs away from
+itself when it rains and drys up when it is clear, is so uncertain, the
+name Allegheny does not appeal to the masses. Had Allegheny taken the
+name of "Pittsburgh," the courthouse and all other public buildings
+would be located on the north side, a natural site for a populous city.
+As it is, Pittsburghers are compelled to live in Irwin, Latrobe,
+Cassopolis and Kittanning, to make room for their public buildings.
+
+In the early days of the "Smoky City," for such had become its nickname,
+the residents were wont to sit for hours and gaze at the sun and sky;
+this pleasure is denied residents in modern Pittsburgh. The only
+knowledge they have that there are sun, moon and stars, is that which
+Professor John Brashears (from Brownsville) supplies with his
+astronomical instruments. Hurrah for Brownsville!
+
+In those good old days there was no caste or class. On a Saturday
+afternoon the entire populace would gather at Scotch Hill Market and on
+Fifth Avenue at night.
+
+Andy Carnegie knew every man who worked for him by his first name and
+could be seen daily at the Bull's Head Tavern where the men always
+stopped to open their pay envelopes.
+
+The leaders of society were consistent. There were two balls each winter
+and one picnic in summer. City Hall and Glenwood Grove were the scenes
+of those gayeties.
+
+Harry Alden, Mayor Blackmore, Chris Ihmsen, Tom Hughes, Major Maltby, N.
+P. Sawyer, John O'Brien, Jimmy Hammill, Harry Williams, Major Bunnell,
+John W. Pittock, Bill Ramsey and Dan O'Neil were the social, political
+and business leaders of Pittsburgh in those days. No social function, no
+political scheme, no public celebration from a wedding to a boat race
+was successful without their active co-operation.
+
+Ben Trimble, Harry Williams, Matt Canning and Major Bunnell controlled
+all the theatres. Jake Fedder was the toll-taker at the Smithfield
+Street bridge, a position second in importance only to that of mayor.
+
+Those were happy days for Pittsburgh. Everybody had a skiff and fishing
+was good anywhere. The suckers were all salmon in the river and you did
+not have to go to lock number one to catch white or yellow perch. A
+twine line could be bought at any grocery store. Sporting goods
+emporiums had not taken over the fish hook industry.
+
+Happy would Pittsburgh have been could it always have existed as in
+those golden days. But communities, like humans, grow out of their
+simplicity, encouraged or subdued by the successes or failures of life.
+
+Alfred was in Pittsburgh again among friends whom he loved. Johnny Hart
+had graduated from second cook on the tow boat Red Fox to stock comedian
+at Trimble's Variety Theater. Harry Williams was the stage manager.
+There was a place made for Alfred on almost every bill.
+
+The Levantine Brothers, Fred Proctor, of Keith & Proctor, Harrigan &
+Hart, Delehanty & Hengler, Joe Murphy, Johnson & Powers, and all the
+famous artists of that time appeared at this house.
+
+Alfred impersonated a wide range of characters while in this theatre.
+Harry Williams, the stage manager, was an ideal "Mose" in the play of
+that name. (It was the Saturday night bill for weeks.) Alfred made a big
+hit as the newsboy, sharing honors with the star. He added new business
+to the part weekly and was retained several weeks for the one
+performance on Saturday night.
+
+Alfred was engaged by Matt Canning, the manager of the Pittsburgh Opera
+House. In those days all first class theatres employed a stock company;
+the stars traveled alone, or at least with only a stage manager. The
+manuscript of their plays, the scene and property plots were sent in
+advance. The company studied their parts until the arrival of the star
+when a grand rehearsal was gone through with. This was a strenuous day's
+work, particularly if the star was a stickler.
+
+Booth, Barrett, McCullough, Edwin Adams, Joe Jefferson, Jane Coombs and
+many other noted stars appeared at the Pittsburgh Opera House and Alfred
+had the honor of supporting all of them, by assisting in moving bureaus,
+dressing cases, center tables, cooking stoves, bedsteads, bar fixtures
+and other properties required in the plays, up and down stairs. However,
+parts, and minor roles, were entrusted to Alfred. If the stock system
+had continued it would be greatly to the advantage of the dramatic stage
+of today. It made the actor, it proved the actor. He remained in the
+ranks alone on his ability, impersonating many characters in one season.
+His art broadened.
+
+Actors do not compare with those of the olden days. This is true. We may
+have a few actors as able as any that ever lived but the dramatic
+profession in general has deteriorated since the combination system
+superceded the stock company.
+
+The stage has advanced in the authorship of plays and their production,
+not in their rendition. The actors of today are not the students or
+workers as were those of the earlier days, neither have they the
+opportunities.
+
+Alfred was entrusted with many roles not congenial to him; in those he
+generally failed. In a society drama, appearing in evening dress, a
+turn-down collar, a large red and white flowing tie, a huge minstrel
+watch chain attached to his vest, he was reprimanded by Jane Coombs,
+the star, in the presence of the company.
+
+Another time he led a Roman mob costumed as a Quaker. John McCullough
+laughed over this afterwards, but at the time, what he said cannot be
+printed. When Joseph Jefferson appeared as Rip Van Winkle, in addition
+to impersonating one of the villagers, Alfred was entrusted with the
+task of securing children to take part in the play. The stage manager
+advised the bashful children to make merry with Rip; that he was very
+fond of children and would enjoy their familiarity. Whether it was the
+shaggy beard or the assumed intoxication of Rip, a child refused to
+clamber up on Rip's back. The stage was waiting; that the scene should
+not be marred, seventeen year old Alfred attempted to perch himself on
+Rip's back. It was not the Jefferson of later days but the Jefferson of
+middle manhood. Alfred was dropped to the floor amid laughter that the
+scene never evoked previously. Instead of the great actor being peeved,
+he kindly inquired of Alfred if the fall had hurt him. As a matter of
+fact Alfred purposely made the fall awkward.
+
+Dick Cannon had a number of young friends--Billy Conard, Clarke Winnett,
+Charley Smith, Billy Kane and Alfred. Dick had a large luxuriously
+furnished room in the hotel. One evening each week he set apart to
+entertain his young friends. To pass the time away Dick introduced a
+game he had played a few times while tending lock at Rice's Landing. It
+was a Greene County game, new to Fort Duquesne but universally popular
+in Pittsburgh since. The game was known as "Draw Poker" in Greene
+County.
+
+After several lessons, in which Dick's courtesy and unusual interest in
+his young friends was evidenced at the end of every deal, as Dick raked
+in the pot with the air and manner of a learned professor of a college,
+he explained to each player who had lost--and his lecture always
+embraced the entire class, for when the pot justified it, they all
+lost--just how they should have played their hand to win. "It's just as
+important to learn how to lay 'em down as it is to play 'em up," was his
+advice.
+
+Alfred had failed, notwithstanding Dick's teachings, to learn even the
+rudiments of the game, so he sought the dictionary. He had become
+convinced that a person to be proficient should, as Dick advised in one
+of his lectures, not only study the game but human nature as well.
+Therefore, Alfred decided to start right. He found the word "draw"
+signified "to drag, to entice, to delineate, to take out, to inhale, to
+extend." The word "poker" signified any frightful object, a "spook."
+
+[Illustration: The Old Greene County Game]
+
+The echoes of Gideon's words were daily percolating through Alfred's
+gray matter: "Don't know enough to quit the game when you got velvet in
+front of you."
+
+When questioned as to the cause of his absence from the weekly seance,
+Alfred replied that, as he understood it, the object of Dick was to
+teach and enlighten each in the class, and that he had thoroughly
+mastered the mysteries of the game and he felt it was imposing on Dick
+to take up his valuable time and devour his delicacies longer; Dick
+should get a new class. "I'm graduated," concluded Alfred.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Alfred's connection with the drama was both pleasant and profitable. The
+probabilities are that if a certain production had realized the hopes of
+its authors, he would have continued in the dramatic line. It was the
+beginning of that evolution of the stage that culminated in the
+ascendency, for a time, of the melodrama.
+
+A serial story under the title of "From Ocean to Ocean," then running in
+Street & Smith's _New York Weekly_, was dramatized for J. Newton
+Gotthold and in so far as the writer is informed it was Bartley
+Campbell's first play. The play bore the title of "Through Fire." It was
+a stirring drama, and both actor and author had high hopes of its
+success.
+
+J. K. Emmett, recruited from the minstrel ranks, had made himself
+immensely popular, and wealth was rolling in on him. His vehicle "Fritz"
+was a flimsy frame on which was hung Emmett's specialties.
+
+Byron's phenomenal success in "Across the Continent" was achieved only
+through his artistic ability. It was argued that J. Newton Gotthold, a
+sterling actor, with a sterling play, was sure to attain success. Alfred
+was engaged for the spring trial of the play; also the following season.
+
+The opening occurred in Youngstown, a western city, so looked upon by
+Pittsburghers in those days. After two nights in the west there would be
+a week or two weeks in Pittsburgh.
+
+Alfred, in addition to doubling the character of a young snob,
+afterwards a quick gun-man, also led the Indians' attack on the wagon
+train.
+
+A number of supes were employed in Youngstown, husky young rolling mill
+men of muscle and grit. Alfred, at the head of his Indian braves,
+attacked the wagon train of emigrants; instead of the supes falling
+back, as rehearsed, then charging forward, led by the star, they
+pitched into Alfred and his Indians at the first rush. Alfred to save
+the scene, fought valiantly to stem the tide of strength and sturdy
+determination. But the supe pale-faces were too muscular for the copper
+tinted braves whom Alfred led. In fact, at the first onslaught of the
+whites the Indians, with the exception of one or two, fled and left
+Alfred to battle alone.
+
+Alfred was overpowered, completely vanquished--a blow between the eyes
+laid him low. The Youngstown supes not only wiped up the stage with him
+but they wiped their feet on him. The gallery howled, the down-stairs
+applauded, the company laughed. The curtain fell amid loud applause.
+
+Alfred was anxious to continue the conflict after the curtain dropped;
+the supes were agreeable. But the stage manager, the stars and others of
+the company interfered. The matter was amicably adjusted.
+
+Alfred, although badly maimed, played his parts during the week's run in
+Pittsburgh, although the war club he carried was not the imitation one
+he wielded in Youngstown. However, there was no recurrence of the
+Youngstown scene.
+
+The play did not meet with success. After the Pittsburgh engagement it
+was carefully laid away and thus Alfred was preserved to minstrelsy.
+
+It is a curious fact that the only play Bartley Campbell ever wrote, a
+play with the theme of which he was not in sympathy, written for
+commercial purposes only, has lived longer and earned more money than
+his most meritorious creations. We refer to "The White Slave." Who is
+not familiar with those thrilling lines:
+
+    "Rags are royal raiment
+    When worn for virtue's sake."
+
+Bartley Campbell was a self made man--from laboring in a brick-yard to
+journalism, then a dramatist. He was a noble boy, a manly man. He toiled
+patiently all the days of his only too brief life for those he loved.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+It was in the early days of the beginning of that race for wealth that
+has made Pittsburgh both famous and infamous. Jared M. Brush had been
+elected mayor; Hostetter Stomach Bitters had become famous in all dry
+sections of the country; Jimmy Hammill had won the single sculling
+championship of the world; the Red Lion Hotel had painted the lion out
+and painted St. Clair Hotel in gilt letters to attract trade from
+Sewickley, which community, so near the Economites, had imbibed a sort
+of religious fervor exhibited outwardly only. It was argued by the
+proprietor that when the residents of Sewickley drove by on their way to
+market to dispose of their garden truck, butter and eggs, they would be
+attracted by the word "Saint." The St. Nicholas Hotel on Grant Street
+always boarded the court jurors. The St. Charles on Wood Street had the
+patronage of the Democrats of Fayette County. Brownsville people always
+stopped at the Monongahela House.
+
+The bleating sheep, the frolicking calves, the cackling hens, that had
+been heard on the verdant ridges of Pennsylvania Road, had been crowded
+to the rural district known later as East Liberty and Walls.
+
+The log houses had given away to brick and frame dwellings owned by
+those who occupied them. Doctor Spencer had opened a dental emporium on
+Penn Street near the old ferry, then known as Hand Street, now Ninth.
+
+Business was so good Joe Zimmerman had to paint his name upside down on
+his store front near the union depot. The fact that this cigar store was
+always crowded suggested the idea of another railroad for Pittsburgh. At
+first it was contemplated building the road along the south or west bank
+of the Monongahela, extending the road to, or beyond Brownsville.
+
+Bill Brown then resided on Braddocks field, although he has repeatedly
+and earnestly protested to the writer that he was not at home when
+Braddock fell and did not hear of it for some time afterwards.
+Therefore, it is hoped those who are not acquainted with Bill will not
+connect him in any way with anything that happened to Braddock--the
+general, not the village.
+
+When Bill learned of the projected railroad he interested a number of
+capitalists who owned coal land and town lots in Braddock. Hence, the
+new road was built on Bill's side of the river. First, it was completed
+to McKeesport. The opposition steamboat lines plying the river, (the
+boats being much fleeter than the railroad), controlled the passenger
+traffic.
+
+When the projectors of the new railroad had this fact forced upon them
+they abandoned the plan of building the road further up the Monongahela
+than McKeesport. Surveying a route along the Youghiogheny River and
+thence to Connellsville they announced that they would eventually build
+to Uniontown and down Redstone Creek to Brownsville thus entering
+Brownsville by the back door, as it were.
+
+However, this change of route did not work as the railroad people hoped
+for. The railroad carried a few passengers for Layton's Station, West
+Newton and several settlements between McKeesport and Connellsville. All
+travelers to McKeesport still patronized the boats, even those for West
+Newton and Layton Station traveled on the boats to McKeesport, and
+awaited the train to continue their journey.
+
+The railroad people, dispirited and almost bankrupt, appealed to Brown
+and his friends who had held out such glowing inducements to them to
+build the road on their side of the river. An investigation of
+conditions was ordered and Bill, with his usual good luck and influence,
+appointed chairman of the investigating committee, with powers to expend
+whatever amount was necessary to the investigation.
+
+Bill made one trip on the railroad to Connellsville. Thereafter, he
+spent the greater part of the beautiful autumn traveling up and down the
+Monongahela, even as far up the river as Geneva, although the scope of
+the investigation was to extend only as far as McKeesport.
+
+The palatial side-wheel steamers were always crowded to the guards with
+travelers. Many slept on cots in the cabins but Bill had the bridal
+chamber. The mirrored bars employed a double shift of irrigators. They
+were never closed except when the boats were moored at Pittsburgh, and
+then Bill could always get in the back way. The food was bountiful;
+stewed chicken for breakfast, turkey for dinner, fried chicken for
+supper, and at night a poker game in the barber shop.
+
+Again and again the railroad people requested a report from Bill but he
+was busy investigating as to why the steam cars were running with empty
+seats.
+
+Finally notices were mailed to the railroad people, the superintendents
+who were also the section foremen, that the chairman of the committee
+was ready to report. They were requested to meet at Dimling's where Bill
+often assembled himself.
+
+[Illustration: Bill's Report]
+
+Brown arose to read his elaborate report. He began by making a short
+explanatory speech mostly devoted to the immense amount of labor
+entailed upon him in the investigation. He thanked the railroad people
+for the confidence they had placed in him. He deplored his lack of
+ability and knowledge. In fact, in his talk he expressed such a
+contemptuous opinion of himself that those present (country folks), from
+Hazelwood and Port Perry were wrothy that they had entrusted Bill with
+the mission and money to complete the investigation. They were ignorant
+of the fact that the speech was one he had delivered to the members of
+another body yearly when elected to the office of treasurer.
+
+Bill then read his report. It dealt with the crowned heads of Europe,
+the free traders of Pennsylvania, the populists of Kansas and Nebraska,
+the government of Ancient Greece and the wars of the Romans. Of course
+this had nothing to do with the subject under investigation but it
+served to rattle and confuse those to whom the report was read and
+impress them with the wide scope of the investigation.
+
+The report referred in scathing terms to the unparalleled audacity of
+the officers of the rival lines of steamers, more particularly the new,
+or People's Line. That line had only two boats, the "Elector" and
+"Chieftain," while the mail line had the "Fayette," "Gallatin,"
+"Franklin," "Jefferson," "Elisha Bennett," and other boats.
+
+Bill, like everybody on the inside, felt that the mail line would soon
+absorb its rival and it was politic to be "in" with the stronger
+corporation.
+
+The report demanded that the runners for the boats be restrained from
+soliciting passengers; that the steamboats be restrained from departing
+on the scheduled time of the railroads. Thus, if the West Newton and
+Layton Station passengers could not make connections at McKeesport, that
+is, if the trains arrived prior to the boats, travellers would be
+compelled to patronize the railroad.
+
+He also compared the officers of the steamboat lines to the Gauls who
+devastated Rome, the vandals who had over-run the fairest plains of
+Europe. That part of the report ended with: "God forbid we live longer
+under these conditions."
+
+Having thus artfully worked up the feelings of those present, Bill gazed
+over the assemblage with the air of a man who has gotten that which he
+went after, and continued to read:
+
+"After diligent research, entailing much traveling, including many trips
+up and down the river at great expense including shoe-shining, your
+committee has succeeded in evolving a plan whereby the Pittsburgh and
+Connellsville Railroad may be able to control the passenger traffic on
+its lines. And it is to be hoped that all concerned will take the proper
+view of the matter and concur in the recommendations of the committee:
+First, that all trains on the Pittsburgh and Connellsville Railroad
+(excepting when otherwise so ordered), be and are hereby ordered
+equipped with an extra car, divided into three compartments, namely,
+dining room, bar-room, and another room."
+
+The chairman explained that the words "excepting when otherwise so
+ordered" were inserted as a precautionary measure. "It might happen at
+times that two cars, of the kind the committee recommended, might be
+required."
+
+After concluding his report the chairman carefully folded the paper,
+placing it in his hat. Casting his eyes over the meeting he silently
+waited for some one to say something to Dimling.
+
+After the meeting adjourned, one man ventured to remark that Bill had
+gone about the investigation like a colt approaching a brass band,
+prancing and dancing, wrong end foremost.
+
+Many were the written protests sent Bill. All these he ignored. He not
+only refused to reply to them, but to emphasize his contempt, used them
+for an unseemly purpose.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER NINETEEN
+
+    Hang on! Cling on!
+      No matter what they say.
+    Push on! Work on!
+      Things will come your way.
+
+
+"A person dunno till after they've fell intu a muddy ditch how meny
+roads they cud a took an' kept out uf hit. But after ye've fell in the
+mud a time ur tu an' then ye don't no enuf tu keep outen hit, ye ain't
+much; ye're only gettin' muddy an' not larnen eny sense, an' thar ain't
+much hope fur ye." This was Lin's answer to Alfred's declaration that he
+would never go out with another show unless it was first class.
+
+If there ever lived a boy who has not experienced the feelings that must
+come to a rooster that has been in a hard battle and lost the greater
+part of his tail feathers, he is one who has never looked over his
+record and endeavored to rub out the punk spots. There are but few boys
+who have not an exaggerated ego, and it is well that they are so
+constituted, they will better battle with the rebuffs and the
+disappointments that youth always walks into.
+
+If a boy is lacking in confidence--conceit is confidence increased in a
+boy; conceit is ignorance in a man. Conceit renders a man so cock-sure
+that he ignores advice.
+
+The first thing for which a boy should be operated upon is an
+overdeveloped bump of self-conceit. The earlier in life this
+protuberance is punctured the more quickly he will become useful to
+himself and family. It often requires several operations to effect a
+cure.
+
+Over-zealous friends are responsible to an extent for the failure of
+many promising young men. Many persons regard exaggerated praise
+necessary to the advancement of youth. A boy entering almost any
+profession or trade can be unfitted for his labors by fulsome
+flattering.
+
+Alfred's best friends filled him with the false idea that he was a great
+actor, that he was being abused and thwarted. Had his friends been
+sincere, he could have side stepped many stiff punches that he walked
+straight into. Most fortunate is the boy who gets knocked through the
+ropes early in the bout of life; his youth will enable him to come back
+the stronger.
+
+The King Solomon of showmen, P. T. Barnum, the father of fakes,
+originated the "Gift Show"--the giving of presents to all who purchased
+tickets of admission. Everybody received a prize. Several hundred of the
+prizes were of little value. There was one that was valuable: a gold
+watch and chain, a diamond pin or other article of jewelry, was
+generally the capital prize as it was designated.
+
+People flocked to Barnum's museum to win the capital prize; Barnum
+reaped a harvest. Of course the idea of the "Gift Show" was immediately
+taken up by ignorant imitators who are always quick to appropriate the
+ideas of others. Numerous magicians were soon touring the country with
+their alluring advertisements promising presents far exceeding in value
+the receipts of the theaters in which they appeared, even though the
+prices of admission were doubled.
+
+The circus concert adopted the "Gift Show" scheme, and when a circus
+side-show, or concert, adopts an innovation of this character, it is
+safe to wager that the yokel will "get his" good and plenty.
+
+The "Gift Show" idea was worked so successfully that the numerous
+jewelry concerns that had sprung up in Maiden Lane and on the Bowery
+could not fill the orders for the brass ornaments required to supply the
+enterprises distributing them.
+
+Everybody got a prize; there were no blanks. Alfred and another boy,
+George, did the distributing act. Stationed on either side of the stage,
+they received the tickets. Pretending to look at the number, they handed
+the prize out. Alfred had four packages of prizes; he was ordered to
+alternate. First a lady's breast pin, then a gent's collar button, then
+a stud, then a finger ring. The capital prize the boss awarded in
+person.
+
+Since the days of Barnum's "Gift Show," no "sucker" has ever seen the
+capital prize except when the proprietor of the "Gift Show" was not
+looking.
+
+The "Gift Show" man usually placed the capital prize in the show window
+of a prominent store. Everyone who bought a ticket hoped to capture the
+capital prize. The "Gift Show" always fixed the landlord of the hotel or
+some man about town to draw the capital prize, returning it to the "Gift
+Show" manager afterwards. It is amazing the many who were willing to
+play the part of capper in this game.
+
+After a number of tickets were presented and not less than a peck of the
+cheap presents distributed, the capper would pass up his ticket, and the
+boss proclaim in a loud tone: "Four hundred and sixty-two wins the
+capital prize, a solid silver tea set." The plate was set out on a table
+covered with a black velvet cloth to brighten the appearance of the
+ware.
+
+"If the gentleman prefers we will gladly pay him one hundred and
+seventy-five dollars in gold for his ticket." The money counted out to
+him in the presence of the gaping multitude whetted everybody's desire
+to win the capital prize. The following night the hall was crowded
+again.
+
+"Gift Shows" always remained three nights in each place. The
+entertainment offered was a secondary consideration; hence Alfred was
+the star of the show. He had unlimited opportunities. The fact was, the
+only reason the manager gave an entertainment at all was to escape the
+lottery laws.
+
+Alfred was on the stage half a dozen times and would have gone on again
+had he had anything more to offer. Alfred imagined the more often he
+appeared the more he was appreciated, until one night a sailor heaved an
+orange from the gallery, landing it on Alfred's head. The seeds flew
+all over the stage. Alfred did not regain his composure even when
+assured by others of the company that the seeds were not his brains.
+
+A gentleman whom he had met while with Eli during their tour of Greene
+County--he was only an acquaintance of a day--called on Alfred. Alfred
+introduced him as his friend. Agreeable, intelligent and well dressed,
+he made an impression on the show people and without consulting Alfred,
+the "Gift Show" man fixed Alfred's friend to cop the capital prize which
+he did very successfully.
+
+When the boss called: "Ticket three hundred and nine wins the capital
+prize," the rehearsed scene was gone through with, although Alfred's
+friend made the play doubly strong by hesitating in accepting the cash
+in lieu of the tea set. "I would prefer the silverware; I wish to
+preserve it in our family." After a little further parleying, he was
+handed one hundred and seventy-five dollars. He received
+congratulations, answered questions and smiled on everybody.
+
+The night Alfred's friend won the capital prize the audience was larger
+and more intelligent than usual. One gentleman remarked, as he passed
+back to Alfred the present tendered him: "Boy, keep this for me until I
+call for it. Write my name on it; I don't want to lose it, I want to get
+it melted, we need a pair of candle sticks and brass is mighty high."
+
+An old lady opened her envelope containing a pair of ear-rings. Handing
+them to Alfred she remarked: "I hope there's no mistake here, the ticket
+reads ear-rings, these are chandeliers."
+
+The stool pigeon, after receiving the money for the capital prize,
+wandered leisurely out of the hall. He was supposed to be met by the
+fixer of the "Gift Show", to whom he was to return the money the boss
+had given him.
+
+Alfred's friend played his part capitally. He sauntered out leisurely;
+he did not saunter out of the main door, or, if he did, the fixer failed
+to meet him. The hall was empty save for the two or three stragglers and
+the manager.
+
+The fixer entered hurriedly, looking sharply around the almost vacant
+room, he whispered with the boss. They turned their glances toward
+Alfred. It was an illusion of the boss and his staff that others of the
+company were ignorant of the deception practiced in the awarding of the
+capital prize.
+
+The boss called Alfred to his room and questioned him at length as to
+the gentleman he had introduced as his friend. Alfred stated when the
+Eli minstrels were touring Greene County the gentleman accompanied them
+several days. His companionship was so agreeable that Eli remained
+behind in Carmichaelstown a day or two.
+
+The boss had learned the fellow was a short card player, and he swore he
+would not allow a cheap poker player to do him.
+
+"Fix the olly! I gave him broads to the show! He's right as a guinea!
+Fix him! Have this cheap Greene County bilk pinched. I'll land him in
+the quay."
+
+All of this, interpreted, meant that the boss wanted the winner of the
+capital prize arrested and thrown into jail. He did not dare proceed
+against him for holding out the money he had given him. To attempt to
+recover it by law would expose their nefarious practice.
+
+There was hurrying to and fro and in hot haste but nothing as to the
+whereabouts of the gentleman could be learned. The constable searched
+all night, and the fixer remained with him as long as he could keep pace
+with the officer. Weary, blear-eyed, unsteady on his limbs, he finally
+lay down on a bench in the hotel sitting room and was awakened only by
+the breakfast bell.
+
+Next morning he was very surly. He ordered Alfred in a very rude manner
+to remove two large boxes of jewelry from the hotel to the theatre and
+to remove the boxes as soon as he got through his breakfast: "and don't
+eat all day either."
+
+Alfred did not eat all day; in fact he ate but little. He was choking
+with wrath over the insult the man had put upon him. Taking himself from
+the table he awaited the coming of the man. As he emerged from the
+dining room, Alfred halted him with: "I say, you ordered me to move some
+baggage from the hotel to the theatre. I just called upon you to tell
+you that you ain't my boss; you didn't hire me, you don't pay me;
+furthermore, I did not hire out to this troupe to peddle brass jewelry
+or handle baggage. You move the boxes yourself."
+
+"Well, we'll see if you don't move them boxes, and I'll give you a smack
+in the jaw, you jay, you!"
+
+Alfred remembered Titusville, and a greatly subdued manner, said: "If
+you're the boss, just hand me my money and I'll skedaddle double quick."
+
+Later in the day the boss sent for Alfred to come to his room. As he
+entered, the boss said: "Well, you want your money, do you, eh?"
+
+Alfred replied: "I couldn't very well stay here after what's passed
+between your manager and myself."
+
+"That's so," smilingly assented the boss. Turning his back on Alfred and
+pretending to look over his books, he continued: "Where do you expect to
+meet your friend?"
+
+"What friend," inquired Alfred.
+
+"The smart young fellow you rung in on us yesterday. I'd thought you'd
+skipped without waiting for the few bones I hold of yours. You're too
+fly to work for a salary. Talk about sure-thing men, there ain't a
+strong arm game in the country can beat it; garroting is laid in the
+shade by your play."
+
+Alfred could not understand the man at all. He was completely confused:
+"What do you mean? Has that man who tried to boss me this morning been
+telling you anything about me?"
+
+The man wheeled around in his chair, facing Alfred. Pointing his finger
+at Alfred, in a voice choking with anger, he exclaimed: "You're not as
+slick as you imagine you are; you've been under cover ever since you
+came here. You made all my people think you were a straight guy; you
+played the role of a gilly kid to the queen's taste. But I'm on to you
+bigger than a house; after you've worked me for a hundred and
+seventy-five dollars, now you want to wolf me for twenty-five more. I
+won't shake down for one dime more. You think you'll get your bit of the
+touch but I'll bet you dollars to doughnuts that guy will double cross
+you and it will serve you right for doing the man you were working for.
+You can leave; I can't hold you but you won't get a case from me. I'll
+stand pat on this proposition. Do you hear?"
+
+Alfred understood the man, in some way, was endeavoring to connect him
+with the gentleman who won the capital prize.
+
+"All I want is my money, the money you owe me and you'll pay me before I
+leave this town," was Alfred's declaration as he left the room.
+
+A bluff always unsettles a scoundrel. Spaff Hyman, the magician of the
+troupe, was after Alfred in a moment. He explained that the boss and one
+or two others were under the impression that Alfred and the gentleman
+whom Alfred had introduced as his friend were in cahoots, that Alfred
+had brought the stranger there to do the gift showman out of the money
+and that Alfred stood in with the play.
+
+Alfred was indignant. Spaff assured the boy that he had implicit
+confidence in his honesty. "I know that Greene County gang," continued
+Spaff, "Jim Kerr and Lias Flanagan had that old trotting horse sneak.
+This fellow that came on here was the brains of the gang; they skinned
+every sucker on the fair grounds where they entered this horse. He had
+this combination sized up; he came on here to trim the boss and he got
+away with the play. I know you had nothing to do with it, but if you
+leave now, those who suspect you will make others believe you are
+crooked. Hold down the job until you prove yourself right, then skip if
+you want to."
+
+Alfred began an explanation: "I never met this man but once. I heard
+several people say he was a young man with no bad habits: 'He does not
+drink a drop of liquor, he don't smoke, chew tobacco, nor cuss.' That's
+what I heard in Carmichaelstown."
+
+"Huh! Yes, he's a saint," sarcastically mused the old sleight of hand
+man, "he's a saint and that's what makes him successful as a con. Sam
+Weller advised his son to 'bevare of vidders,' I advise you to beware of
+saints. Since the days of the Bible when saints were inspired, there
+have been but few of them roving the earth. Latter day saints are
+material, hence, susceptible to all the temptations and frailties of
+this world. When you get acquainted with a man who boasts that he has no
+bad habits, look out for him, he will spring something on you that will
+outweigh all the minor defects that scar the character of the ordinary
+man. I do not say there are no good men, there are; but the man who
+pretends to go through this world on a record of no bad habits
+accumulates a heap of inward secretiveness. It keeps growing. He gets
+swelled up, and some day he breaks out and the enormity of his break
+surprises all. 'He had no bad habits,' that's what they all said. No, he
+had no bad habits that were apparent; he was a sneak. In order to
+conceal his little sins, he deceived himself and his friends. If he had
+been honest he would have gone through life like the average man. Go
+back in your mind and figure up the fellows that have fallen and see if
+the fellow with no bad habits isn't in the majority. Mind, I'm not
+figuring on the poor devil without education or advantages, the fellow
+who robs hen-roosts or steals dimes. I'm talking about the fellow who
+walks off with one hundred and seventy-five dollars, robs the banks or
+post-offices, the fellow who touches the widow and orphan."
+
+"I can't understand you," ventured Alfred.
+
+"Well, you can't understand the fellow who had no bad habits."
+
+"But the boss is not playing fair with the public," protested Alfred.
+
+"Well, who on earth ever did play fair with the public? I know you, with
+your ideas bounded by Fayette County's limitations, don't understand
+these things. There's men who would not take advantage of any man in a
+personal business transaction, who will get in on almost anything that
+will worst the public. The public is a cruel monster; the public
+condemned and crucified Christ; the public is behind every lynching. The
+public condemns and ostracizes a man, even though he has lived an
+upright life all his days, when some scalawag, for personal or financial
+reasons, assails him in a newspaper. When Commodore Vanderbilt gave
+utterance to the words, 'The public be damned,' he expressed the
+sentiment of four-fifths of those who have rubbed up against the public,
+as had the sturdy old man who acquired his estimate of human nature
+while rowing the public over the river. The public would ride across the
+river without paying him fare. The public will crowd into our show
+tonight without paying. The public will eat all the fruit that ripens,
+all the grain that grows, drink all the liquors malted and take anything
+they can get for nothing. I mean the public rabble, the mob, not the
+individual. The only time you can trust the public is when their
+sympathies are aroused over some great public calamity that brings death
+and desolation. Then the public is of one mind, the public then shows to
+best advantage."
+
+"Well, you are the funniest man I ever heard talk. Now what are you
+going to do to make the public what you consider it should be?"
+
+"Educate it; educate it. Three-fourths of the public are suckers,
+one-fourth skinners. Now, I don't mean to assert that one-fourth are
+dishonest men, but most of them are men a bit too fly for the others.
+You know there's not one man in a thousand that considers it cheating to
+give himself a bit the best of it. Now you argue that the public is
+ignorant and that the only way to get it right is to educate it. Well,
+the fellow who walked off with the boss's one hundred and seventy-five
+dollars is educated."
+
+"How do you account for his dishonesty" inquired Alfred.
+
+"I don't account for it."
+
+It was arranged that Spaff go to the boss, patch up matters between him
+and Alfred. Spaff requested Alfred remain in the hall that he might be
+near. The door closed on Spaff. Alfred remained near it; he wished
+afterwards he had not. The transom was open and every word uttered in
+the room floated through it.
+
+Spaff began: "Say, boss, I've been talking to that fresh young nigger
+singer, and, while he don't know much, it's my opinion he knows nothing
+of the guy who done you for the capital prize. He's purty handy around
+here and I thought you better keep him. I've got him going; I told him
+if he left now everybody would conclude he was in on the capital prize
+trick. So I think he'll stick."
+
+"What the hell do I care whether he sticks or not? He may be straight
+but I doubt it. The only reason I want him to stay is that he will have
+trouble in finding the other guy; I'm certain they were to meet
+somewhere and split up the touch."
+
+Spaff was heard to say: "No, I think you're wrong. I am sure this kid is
+not in on it. I know that fellow; he's slick, he's always been a sure
+thing man and he has been planning this touch for sometime. He simply
+used Alfred to get an introduction."
+
+"Well, he's a good one. He did not want to draw the prize, he argued;
+all the best people in town knew him and it would be difficult to
+deceive them. Why, I thought he was a small town jay. He even cautioned
+me to have someone at the door to receive the money, he did not care to
+carry it about with him." After a pause he continued: "Well, about this
+boy; what shall I say to him? I don't think it's a good play to let him
+go; not now, at any rate. You say he's straight. Do you reckon he's on
+to the capital prize fake?"
+
+"Well, I dunno," answered Spaff. "If he is, and he's dirty, he could
+queer us in all these towns; he's been through here with two or three
+Jim Crow minstrel shows; these rubes imagine he's some pumpkins. Why, I
+have to go out of the house every time he comes on. He's the rankest
+performer I ever saw; he can sing a little and that lets him out. Why
+don't you cut his act down one-half at least? Half of the audience,
+green as they are, wouldn't stay in the house if they were not waiting
+for their presents."
+
+"He comes on ahead of you and hurts your act," the boss assured Spaff.
+
+That gentleman said: "Well, we've got to give them something for their
+money and Alfred does pretty good; if he only had the stuff he would be
+all right."
+
+The boss agreed to this. "Yes, if he had something new. Those gags he
+springs were told before the flood. Lord, if I had the gall of some
+people I'd be rich. When he came here into this room and wanted money
+for that stuff he's telling, I got up and opened the door and planted a
+kick on him and says: 'Now, leave, skip, git out of yere and don't let
+me see you around yere agin.'"
+
+"Why, he never told me one word of this," and Spaff's voice evidenced
+his surprise. "What do you say about keeping him?" questioned Spaff.
+
+"Oh, we've got to have someone, but watch him."
+
+When Spaff came out of the room he found Alfred some distance from the
+door. "Now, I've had a hard time squaring this matter with the boss.
+Someone has got to him and he is sore on you, or was. I just told him
+you were all right and that I would be responsible for you and he said:
+'Well, I'll let him stay on your account.'"
+
+Alfred could not restrain his anger longer. Whirling around, facing
+Spaff, he said in tones neither low or slow: "You go back and tell that
+damn sneak that I don't want to stay with him. You tell him he is a liar
+if he says he ever kicked me. You tell him if he says I had anything to
+do with the disappearance of his capital prize money, he's another liar.
+You tell him I'll meet him outside the hotel and he'll take back
+everything he said to you."
+
+Spaff began to look scared. "Why, how do you know what he said to me,"
+he queried in a voice that showed his fear.
+
+"I heard every word; the transom was open; I couldn't help it. I'm glad
+I did hear. I know where you all stand. I'm only a boy, but I'll clean
+up this capital prize swindle and I'm going after it tonight. 'Watch
+me,' that's what the boss ordered you to do."
+
+Poor old Spaff was thoroughly frightened. He coaxed and pleaded with
+Alfred to drop the matter, take his pay and he would endeavor to have
+his wages raised. At the first opportunity he slipped away from Alfred,
+ran around the back way and up to the boss's room.
+
+Alfred was seated at the supper table. The boss entered and, with a
+pleasant "good evening," seated himself opposite Alfred, and familiarly
+inquired: "What they got for supper? They set a fairly good table here
+but the waiters are slow."
+
+Alfred sulkily ate in silence, never deigning to look at or answer the
+questions of the boss. That gentleman rattled on, first on one subject,
+then another. Finally, he carelessly asked Alfred the title of the new
+song he sang the night before. Never noticing the boy's rude behavior in
+not replying to him, he continued, dipping a half doughnut in his
+coffee: "I want you to tell that gag about Noah being the first man to
+run a boat show; I think it's the funniest thing I ever heard. Where did
+you get it? I always make it a point to be in the house when you tell
+that gag."
+
+Alfred did not understand that all this was flattery; he imagined the
+boss was guying him. His face was hot, his voice trembled. Leaning over
+the table, he sneered: "So you come in every night to hear the jokes
+that came over in Noah's ark, do you? Well, you needn't come in tonight,
+you won't hear them. When you get through with your supper I want a
+settlement with you and if you think you can kick me, come out of this
+house and try it." He left the table and passed out.
+
+Instead, Spaff came to him, handing him twenty-five dollars. "Now, see
+here, young fellow, you're too hot-headed, you'll never get along if you
+keep this up. This man appreciates your work; he told me so. Say, you
+didn't hear right. I was in the room, I didn't hear the things you did.
+Come on, now, I'll get you a raise of five dollars a week."
+
+Alfred walked away from the man. His baggage had been conveyed to the
+hotel from the theatre and his preparations completed. He left the "Gift
+Show."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"I'll never take another chance with a fly-by-night troupe. If I can't
+get with the best I'll stay right here in this town. I'll paint hulls,
+houses or anything; I'll go back to the tan-yard; I'll go to the
+newspaper office; I'll do anything, I don't care what it is or how badly
+I hate to do it. I wouldn't be caught dead with another troupe like the
+last one I was with." So declared Alfred to Lin and Cousin Charley.
+
+After Alfred was out of hearing, Cousin Charley, with a laugh, remarked
+he had "heard that story afore. It won't be a month till he's off agin
+with some kind of a show. He can't git with a good one; they wouldn't
+have him with a good show. (Cousin Charley had assured Alfred that very
+morning that he considered him the best actor he had ever seen). He'll
+be out with a fly-by-night troupe afore the next month. Alfred's a gone
+goslin'. He's got no trade an' he'll hev to scratch to make a livin'. I
+sort of pity Uncle John an' Aunt Mary, kase they think so much of the
+boy, an' it's a great pity for them. Uncle John ought to beat the
+foolishness out of him long ago. He never touches him, no matter what he
+does. Does he?"
+
+Lin looked at Cousin Charley in a sort of pitying way as she asked: "How
+is hit thet all are agin Alfurd? Ye all like him, I no ye do, but durned
+ef ye evur lose a shot at him. No, his pap don't whup him eny more, he
+nevur did beat him tu hurt; hit wus sort of a habit tu take him intu the
+celler to skur him but hit nevur done him a mite uf good, he jus laffed
+an' made fun uf hit. Ye kin do more with reasonin' with Alfurd."
+
+Cousin Charley agreed with Lin and declared that he always took Alfred's
+part. "I told his father Alfred would go off some day and then they'd
+all be dog-goned sorry they hadn't handled him different."
+
+"Well, Alfurd's not goin' off eny more till he goes rite; he's gettin'
+more sot in his ways every day, he's mos' like a man."
+
+Alfred's family were greatly elated that he had settled down. Staid old
+Brownsville was stirred from center to sandy hollow. Peter Hunt,
+philosopher and photographer, leased Krepp's Bottom for the announced
+purpose of converting it into a skating park or rink. Alfred was one of
+Peter's right hand men. The creeks and rivers had furnished ample fields
+for the skaters of Brownsville heretofore, but Peter felt the time had
+come when the society people of the town, who did not care to skate with
+the common herd, should have a more exclusive place in which to enjoy
+this wholesome recreation.
+
+Therefore Krepp's Bottom was selected. The proposed park was the talk of
+the town. Dunlap's Creek flowed in a circle, skirting three sides of the
+bottom land. Levees three feet high were thrown up along the banks of
+the creek, a rope stretched along the west side. An opening in the levee
+admitted the water. Two feet of water covered the bottom. The weather
+turned cold, ice formed, the park was opened, and three-fourths of the
+public walked in free. Alfred felt that Spaff was about right in his
+estimate of the public.
+
+The creek fell, the dry, clay land absorbed the water, the ice sunk and
+cracked in places. The waters of the creek flowed six feet below and the
+glory of the skating park was a memory of the past.
+
+Later on a promoter endeavored to rent Jeffries Hall for a roller
+skating rink. George Washington Frazee, who learned of the man renting
+Jeffries' hall for a skating rink, said: "Huh! Another dam fool 'bout
+skeetin'. Jeffries Hall won't hold water, an' if it did hit wouldn't
+freeze hard enuff to bear."
+
+For the winter the town went back to its time honored sport of sledding,
+"coasting" it is termed nowadays. Sleds of all kinds were seen on the
+hills and streets of the two towns. Even men engaged in the sport. The
+speed attained, especially on Scrabbletown Hill, was terrific. The big
+sleds, loaded with from four to eight persons, flew down the hills at
+the rate of a mile a minute. The sleds bore striking names, Alfred's the
+"West Wind." It was one of the speediest of the numerous fast ones.
+
+Starting at the top of Town Hill, those on the Brownsville side would
+speed to the Iron Bridge, even across it into Bridgeport. Those sliding
+Scrabbletown Hill would often be sent, by the speed attained on this
+steep incline, across the Iron Bridge into Brownsville. Thus the
+coasters of the rival towns would at times, pass each other going in
+opposite directions.
+
+The older men would sit in the stores and watch the sliders. The
+shoe-shops of McKernan and Potts were the scenes of many heated
+arguments as to the fleetness of the different sleds.
+
+An old gentleman who had recently moved to Brownsville from Uniontown,
+endeavored to impress the shoe-shop crowds with the superiority of the
+sleds of the Uniontown boys over those of Brownsville. He related that a
+Uniontown boy slid down Laurel Hill through Uniontown and would have
+slid on down the pike to Searight's only he was afraid he would 'skeer'
+somebody's horses.
+
+[Illustration: Brownsville's Winter Sport]
+
+Shuban Lee, ever loyal to Brownsville and her sleds, related how Alfred
+had loaned his sled to a show fellow he brought home with him from
+somewhere. "The show chap did not know much about sliding. Alfred's sled
+was a whirlwind when it got to goin'. The show feller hauled the sled to
+the top of Town Hill. He started down the hill. The sled run so fast it
+crossed the Iron Bridge up to the top of Scrabbletown Hill. Afore he cud
+git off she started back down the hill, across the Iron Bridge agin, up
+to the top of Town Hill an' back she started. Half the men in town run
+out an' tried to stop thet sled but hit wus so cold they couldn't do
+hit. She just kept on a-goin' down one hill an' up tother."
+
+Here the Uniontown man, with a contemptuous snort, said: "I s'pose he
+just kept on slidin' till he froze to death?"
+
+"No," Shuban answered, "he didn't freeze, he just kept on slidin' till
+they shot him to keep him from starvin' to death. An' I kin prove hit by
+ole man Smith an' if you won't believe him I kin show you the feller's
+grave."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER TWENTY
+
+    This world would be tiresome, we'd all get the blues,
+    If all the folks in it held just the same views;
+    So do your work to the best of your skill,
+    Some people won't like it, but other folks will.
+
+
+Jean Jacques Rousseau, a French-Swiss philosopher, nearing the end of
+his days complained that in all his life he never knew rest or content
+for the reason he had never known a home. His mother died giving him
+birth, his father was a shiftless dancing master. Rousseau claimed his
+misfortunes began with his birth and clung to him all his life. Rousseau
+was one of the few persons who have attained distinction without the aid
+of a home in youth. No matter how humble the home, it is the beginning
+of that education that brings out all the better nature of a human
+being.
+
+The home is the God-appointed educator of the young. We have educational
+institutions, colleges, schools, but the real school where the lessons
+of life are indelibly impressed upon the mind is the home. We write and
+talk of the higher education. There is no higher education than that
+taught in a well regulated home presided over by God-fearing, man-loving
+parents whose lives are a sacrifice to create a future for their
+children. The parents, rather than the children, should be given credit
+for the successes of this life.
+
+Alfred had separated himself from his home several times but never
+decided to leave it for any lengthy period; but now the time had arrived
+when it seemed to him the parting of the ways in his ambitious life was
+at hand.
+
+On the dead walls, fences and old buildings, were pasted highly colored
+show bills announcing the coming of Thayer & Noyes Great American
+Circus. Alfred decided he would go hence as a member of the troupe.
+
+The humdrum life of the old town had begun to wear on his energetic
+feelings. There were social pleasures sufficient to make the days and
+nights joyous, but Alfred was thinking beyond the days thereof.
+
+The circus had come and gone. "I will take your address. If anything
+occurs that I can use you I will write. You can expect a letter from me
+soon." With these words Dr. Thayer crushed Alfred's hopes.
+
+Alfred voted the show the best he had ever witnessed, but the concert,
+the after show that promised so much and gave so little, he condemned.
+
+After writing several letters and destroying them, deciding they did not
+fulfill all requirements, the following letter was mailed:
+
+
+    BROWNSVILLE, FAYETTE CO., PA.
+
+    DR. JAMES L. THAYER:
+
+    RESPECTED SIR: I take my pen in hand to acquaint you with the
+    effect your show had on our people. It is the opinion of all who
+    take interest in actors and should know, that your show was
+    better than George F. Bailey's and it was considered the best we
+    ever had. Brownsville people are hard to please. They see so
+    much it must be choice if it suits them. Your circus suited all.
+    I have heard many actors declare Brownsville was the hardest
+    town to please they ever tackled. An English sleight of hand man
+    played Jeffries Hall three nights. He said they were a "bit
+    thick." Alf Burnett, the humorist, compared Brownsville to slush
+    ice. Bob Stickney was the best one in your show.
+
+    Now comes the news that I hate to tell (and this was the sole
+    reason that prompted the letter). Your after-concert is a bad
+    recommend for your real show. I reckon one thing that made it
+    appear worse is we have a regular minstrel show on hand all the
+    time. I'm at the head of it, and most of the people in town know
+    our jokes and songs by heart and when your concert people told
+    them they did not tell them right and our people noticed the
+    mistakes, and of course you couldn't expect them to laugh at the
+    jokes anyway.
+
+    Now you promised to write me. If you can do so, I can go to your
+    show most any time providing you do not get too far away from
+    Brownsville. Please send me where you're going to list. I am
+    sure I can make a heap of improvement in your concert and I know
+    you do not want people anywhere to call you an old fraud as they
+    have done here.
+
+        Your most obedient servant,
+            ALFRED GRIFFITH HATFIELD.
+
+    P. S. Please let me know what you can afford to pay a prime
+    concert actor. Between times I can help out in the circus ring
+    if you have clothes fit to do it in.
+
+In due time this reply was received:
+
+    FAIRMONT, VA.
+
+    MR. HATFIELD:
+
+    Your letter duly received. You will find our advance route for
+    the next ten days enclosed. You can join at any time it suits
+    your convenience. Your salary will be based upon the value and
+    extent of services you can render this company. After a trial,
+    if your ability is not what you represented it to be, your
+    engagement will be ended without prejudice to you or expense to
+    this firm.
+
+        Respectfully yours,
+            THAYER AND NOYES,
+                Per B. L.
+
+    P. S. Send your professional name and billing.
+
+Alfred read and re-read the letter and immediately began making
+preparations to tempt fate once more. The preparations mostly consisted
+in surreptitiously secreting his wearing apparel in the old barn where
+Node had labored so long on his great inventions. It was Alfred's
+intention to leave home clandestinely. As usual with boys in his frame
+of mind he did not dare to trust himself to advise with anyone; like
+boys in general, he did not desire advice. Approval was that which he
+most craved.
+
+Uniontown was decided upon as the place to join the circus. Alfred felt
+the leaving of home and family meant more to him than ever before. At
+times he was buoyed up by hopes of success. He would argue with himself
+thusly: I have promised to join the show. They need me; they will be
+expecting me. This is the opportunity I have been looking for.
+
+Alfred spent all his spare time at home with his mother, sisters and
+brothers. His usual haunts in town were forgotten. Family and friends
+noted the change and wondered thereat. Lin was unstinted in her praise.
+Lin asserted from the wildest, he had become the tamest boy in
+Brownsville. "He'll eat out of your hand now," she assured Mrs. Todd.
+
+Mr. Todd jerked out a "huh" as he advised them to keep their eyes on the
+"devil ketcher." "He's just sittin' the megs for another outbreak. He's
+compilin' some devilment, yer ken bet yer bottom dollar. He kan't fool
+me twice."
+
+It was the day previous to Alfred's intended departure. He had been at
+home all day. He gave his sled to brother Joe. It was summer and the
+steel soles were greased to keep them from rusting. Lin would not permit
+Joe to haul it over the floor claiming it would grease everything it
+touched.
+
+To brother Bill fell shinny clubs and bats, marbles and a kite. Sister
+Lizzie was the recipient of more than a quart of various colored beads
+taken from Aunt Lib's Jenny Lind waist. Ida Belle, the baby was
+remembered with a big Dutch doll that rolled its eyes, the mother with
+an ornamental sugar bowl and Lin with a pair of puff combs. A pair of
+skates and a bow and arrow were given to Cousin Charley.
+
+The greater effort Alfred made to ease his mind, the more conscience
+stricken he became. Try as he would he could not force the gayety he
+feigned. He clung to the baby sister every moment he was in the house.
+Lin, in an adjoining room, heard him ask the child if she would miss her
+big "bruzzer" when he was gone. Entering the room she found Alfred in
+tears, the sympathetic child stroking his face. Alfred endeavored to
+swallow the lump in his throat but he only sobbed the more. It did him
+good as ashamed as he felt.
+
+Lin looked him over suspiciously as she, in a voice as commanding as she
+would pitch it, said:
+
+"Look here, ye can't bamboozle me another minnit. What's on yer mind?
+Spit it out afore it spills. Get it out of yer sistum and yer'll feel a
+hull lot better. Thar hain't a durned dud of yers in this house. Air yu
+fixin' to fly the coop? If ye air, don't go off like a thief afore
+daylight. Go away so you won't be ashamed to kum back. Kum on now, let's
+hear from you! I'll durn soon tell you whar to head in."
+
+Alfred made a full and complete confession.
+
+"So yer fixin' to run off and break the hearts of all at home, an' put a
+dent in your own. For a week ye been jumpin' to make yerself more dear
+to 'em afore ye hurt 'em. Yer hain't learnin' much with all yer
+schoolin'. When do the retreat begin?" banteringly demanded Lin.
+
+"Tomorrow," feebly answered Alfred.
+
+That night, the family were in the big room, mother sewing, the children
+playing about her. Lin, seated behind the mother, repeatedly signaled
+Alfred to begin his talk to the mother as per his promise. The boy
+looked another direction but Lin never took her eyes off his face. Her
+gaze became painful. Finally he began:
+
+"Muz, do you think Pap would be mad if I was to go away while he is in
+Pittsburgh?"
+
+The mother, without taking her eyes off her work, said: "I hope you're
+not going to Uncle Jake's again. You'll wear your welcome out, won't
+you?"
+
+"No, I'm going away on business. I'm tired and sick of the way things
+are going with me. I see nothing ahead for me and I'm going to strike
+out for myself."
+
+The mother put down her sewing and looked very seriously. Lin, from
+behind her, nodded vigorously for him to go on.
+
+"Look at Dan Livingstone," Alfred continued; "he never had anything
+until he went off with Capt. Abrams. Now see where he is and I don't
+know how many boys have gone away and all have done well. All I need is
+to get out of this town and I know I can do something for myself."
+
+"Does Capt. Abrams want to take you with him," anxiously inquired the
+mother.
+
+"Oh, no, he never said a word to me about it, but I know I could go with
+him if I wanted to."
+
+"Well, where do you think of going?" questioned the mother.
+
+Alfred hesitated a second.
+
+"Well, first I'm going to try it with a circus but I don't expect to
+stay long. I'm just going on trial."
+
+Noting the look of worriment on the face of the mother he continued:
+
+"I know I won't do. They almost tell me so in a letter and it's only to
+Uniontown, twelve miles away. I won't be gone long," and he caught the
+baby up, tossed it up, and pretended to be very jolly.
+
+The matter was gone over and over with the mother who insisted that
+Alfred remain at home until the return of the father. If he could obtain
+his father's consent he could go.
+
+Lin endeavored to assist the boy by remarking: "Well, if he's jes goin'
+for a trial, Uniontown is so close to hum, you could walk back if ye
+hain't fit fer the work." The mother protested to the last.
+
+Alfred had been so very liberal in bestowing presents to ease his
+conscience that he had but forty-six cents in his purse when the leaving
+time came. He was acquainted with all the old stage drivers on the line.
+It was his intention to walk up Town Hill, rest under the big locust
+trees at the brow of the hill until the stage coach arrived, the horses
+walking slowly ascending the long hill, he would get up beside the
+driver or crawl in the boot on the rear of the stage coach.
+
+He lolled on the grass as the stage approached. The driver was a
+stranger to him. He looked appealingly at the man but received no
+recognition. The heavy stage lumbered by. Alfred ran for the rear end of
+it. The boot was bulging out with trunks and valises; there was no room
+for Alfred. A broad strap that held the huge leather cover in place
+over the trunks dangled down within reach. Grasping it as the four
+horses struck a trot, Alfred was helped along at a lively gait. Through
+Sandy Hollow by the old Brubaker house, then a slow walk up the hill by
+Mart Claybaugh's blacksmith shop, through the toll gate, then into a
+trot on by the old school-house where his first minstrel show was given,
+on by all the familiar places.
+
+[Illustration: Leaving Home]
+
+Heretofore when traveling the pike Alfred had a word and a smile for all
+as he knew every family along its sides. On this occasion he endeavored
+to conceal his identity. But once did the coach halt--at Searight's half
+way to Uniontown to water the horses and liquor the driver and
+passengers.
+
+Old Logan, the hostler at Searight's crowed in imitation of a rooster,
+the passengers throwing him pennies. Alfred with cast down head walked
+on to the next hill. When the stage rolled by he again grasped the strap
+and kept pace with the coach until the outskirts of Uniontown were
+reached. A small colored boy directed him to the show grounds. Through
+the main street of the town Alfred trudged, carrying the large carpet
+sack formerly used with the Eli troupe as a property receptacle for Mrs.
+Story's china tea set.
+
+Arriving at the circus grounds, the afternoon performance was over.
+Drawing near the tent he anxiously expected to find the show folks
+looking for him. He imagined they would all be expecting him.
+
+The huge form of Dr. Thayer loomed up. Alfred hastened toward him. The
+Doctor was engaged in an earnest argument with a mechanic of the town
+over the charges for repairs on a wagon. Alfred walked up to the circus
+man. The Doctor did not even notice him. He followed the two men around
+the wagon as they argued, Alfred stationing himself directly in the big
+showman's path. Their eyes met several times, still no recognition came
+from the circus manager.
+
+Alfred finally accosted the big man with a "Howdy, Mr. Thayer. I've come
+to work for you."
+
+The showman's surprised look showed plainly he did not recognize Alfred.
+
+"I'm the new boy to work in your concert."
+
+Motioning with his arm he ordered Alfred to go back and Charley would
+attend to him. Without any idea who Charley was or what he was, Alfred
+started in the direction indicated by the jerk of the doctor's hand.
+Approaching the connection between the main tent and the dressing room
+tent, a man lying on the grass warned Alfred back. Even after he
+explained that he was searching for Charley, the man, without heeding
+the appeal, motioned the boy back. Walking around to the other side of
+the tent, he stealthily approached the opening and darted in. He was
+barely inside the tent when a big, burly fellow seized him roughly and
+hustled him through the opening, demanding why he was sneaking into the
+ladies' dressing room.
+
+"Mr. Thayer hired me. He sent me here. He told me Charley would attend
+to me. I'm looking for Charley."
+
+The man asked: "What Charley are you looking for?"
+
+"I don't know. Mr. Thayer told me Charley would put me to work."
+
+The man laughed and led the way into the tent as he cautioned the lad to
+use the name of Mr. Noyes instead of Charley.
+
+Mr. Noyes was too busy to talk to him. Alfred's attention was divided
+between the performance and the novel scenes in the men's dressing
+tents; the latter were as interesting to him as the ring performance.
+The order and decorum pervading the organization was marked.
+
+Charley Noyes, a most competent director of a circus performance, the
+deportment of his employes was nearly perfect. Even the property men
+were respectable and well behaved. The performance over, a heavy set man
+was packing a huge trunk with horse covers and other trappings. He had
+repeatedly requested the others to lend a hand. Alfred assisted the man
+with his work until completed. In the interim Alfred advised him why he
+was there. The man looked the boy over carefully saying: "Where are you
+going to pad?"
+
+Alfred had no idea of the meaning of the word "pad." Afterwards, he
+learned that "pad" was slang for bed and sleep.
+
+He answered correctly by chance, "I don't know."
+
+"Well, you can get in with me. It's a two o'clock call. I'm going to
+spread a couple of blankets under the band chariot. I sleep better there
+than in a hotel."
+
+The blankets spread, Alfred's carpet sack served as a pillow for him.
+They were about to crawl in when the other asked Alfred if he had been
+to "peck." "Not within the last week."
+
+The man looked at him pityingly. There was a lunch stand nearby. The
+man, returning from it, handed Alfred a half of a fried chicken and an
+apple pie. Although Alfred insisted, the man would not eat any of it.
+He ordered Alfred to eat it all, remarking "You need it."
+
+Alfred found himself the object of considerable sympathy the following
+day and not until someone asked him how it was he had been without food
+for a week did he learn that "peck" in show slang signified
+meals--eating.
+
+Boy-like, he had worn his new Sunday shoes. His feet were feverish and
+sore. Even had Alfred not been footsore, the snoring of the other would
+have made sleep impossible to him. How long he lay awake he had no
+reckoning of. It seemed to him he had only closed his eyes when he felt
+a yank at the blankets and a rough voice ordering him to get up. It was
+the lot watchman.
+
+The big band chariot was slowly ascending the foothills of the
+mountains. The east was ahead over the mountain. The curtain of night
+was being lifted by the first streak of gray dawn spreading over the
+sky. All were asleep in the wagon excepting the driver. Halting his team
+he began winding the long reins about the big brakes. He was about to
+climb down when Alfred inquired as to the trouble. The driver advised
+that the off leader's inside trace was loose and the lead bars dragging.
+Alfred advised the driver to sit still.
+
+"I'll hook it up. How many links do you drop?" he asked as he pushed the
+horse into place. He was on the wagon in a jiffy. The driver was greatly
+taken with the boy. Further up the mountain at the big watering trough,
+Alfred assisted in watering and washing the horses' shoulders. It was
+only a day or two until Alfred was permitted to handle the reins over
+the team, a favor this celebrated old horseman had never conferred upon
+anyone previously.
+
+Never will Alfred forget that journey up the mountains. Every turn of
+the wheels of the big chariot, as they ground the limestone under their
+weight until the flinty pebbles shed sparks, made him feel more lonely.
+In the dim gray of the early day the distance seemed greater than when
+softened by the light of the morning sun. He had often from afar viewed
+the mountains over which they were traveling. As they ascended, he gazed
+long and wistfully towards home, a home that lives in his memory today
+as clearly as on that morning in the long ago.
+
+[Illustration: On the Band Wagon]
+
+When the crest of the ridge was reached and the descent on the other
+side began, looking backwards, he imagined the world between him and
+home. Right glad was he of the friendly advances of the old driver--they
+were friends.
+
+Soon the band men began to awaken, taking out their instruments,
+arranging their clothing, and making preparation for the entrance into
+town. The baggage wagons had preceded the band and performer's wagons.
+There was but one animal van, Charley White's trained lions, the feature
+of the show.
+
+The teams halted. The driver placed plumes in the head gear of the
+horses. The band men pulled on red coats and caps. As the horns tooted
+and the cymbals clashed they entered the town.
+
+Alfred assisted the driver to unhitch his team. Mr. Noyes arrived,
+meanwhile. Alfred volunteered to take charge of his team. He drove the
+handsome horses to the barn and saw that they were fed and watered.
+
+Mr. Noyes remarked: "You seem to be fond of horses. Have you handled
+them before?"
+
+"All my life," proudly answered Alfred.
+
+"Well, you ride with me tomorrow. It will be more pleasant than in the
+band wagon. I want you to go in the concert today."
+
+He had no orchestrated music, but Phil Blumenschein, the bandmaster, was
+an old minstrel leader. The orchestra played over Alfred's stuff two or
+three times and played it better than it was ever played before. In
+those days an orchestra furnished the music for the entire circus
+performance.
+
+There came a heavy rain. The attendance at the concert was very light
+insofar as the paid admissions were concerned but all connected with the
+circus were there to witness the debut of the new boy who had joined to
+strengthen the concert.
+
+No opera house or theatre ever erected has the resonance, the perfect
+acoustics of a circus tent when the canvas is wet and the temperature
+within above 70 degrees. There was a chord from the orchestra. Alfred
+ran to the platform in the middle of the ring. (The gentleman who
+announced the concert assured the audience there would be a stage
+erected). This stage was a platform about ten feet square resting flat
+on the uneven earth. As Alfred stepped on it and began his song and
+dance, in which he did some very heavy falls, the platform rocked and
+reeled like a boat in a storm. Every slap of the big shoes on his well
+developed feet made a racket, the sound twofold increased by the
+acoustics of the damp tent. Alfred's voice sounded louder to himself
+than ever before, notwithstanding he worked his whole first number with
+his back to the audience. (In theatres the orchestra is always in a pit
+in front of the performers--in a circus concert the orchestra is behind
+the performer).
+
+Alfred faced the orchestra; his back to the audience, his work made a
+hit, even more with the show folks than with the audience. Dick Durrant,
+the banjoist, taught Alfred the comedy of the familiar duet, "What's the
+matter Pompey?" This was in Alfred's line and the act became the comedy
+feature of the concert.
+
+Salary day came on Sunday. The employes of the circus reported to the
+room of the manager, where their salary was counted out to them by the
+treasurer. When Alfred's turn came he was asked: "How much does your
+contract call for?"
+
+"I have no contract. Here is the letter under which I joined," assured
+Alfred, passing the letter to the treasurer.
+
+Glancing at it: "Yes, I wrote that letter but you'll have to see Mr.
+Thayer." As Alfred opened the door to depart he said, "You had best see
+Mr. Noyes."
+
+"How much are you going to pay me, Mr. Thayer?"
+
+"Well, let me see, ten dollars a week will be about right, won't it
+Charley?"
+
+"Eh, no, pay him fifteen. He's worth it. He's the best boy I ever had
+around me," was Mr. Noyes' answer.
+
+Charley Noyes paid Alfred the first salary he ever earned with a circus
+and it was so ordained that Alfred should pay the then famous circus
+manager the last salary he ever received, years after the day Charley
+Noyes declared Alfred the best boy he ever had around him. The once
+famous manager, broken in health and fortune, was seeking employment and
+it fell to Alfred's lot to secure him an engagement with a company of
+which Alfred was the manager. When the salary of the veteran was being
+discussed, Alfred's intervention secured him remuneration far in excess
+of that hoped for. Soon after this engagement ended, Mr. Noyes died very
+suddenly. The end came in a little city of Texas. It happened that the
+minstrel company, owned by the one time new boy of the circus, was in
+Waco. Letters on Mr. Noyes' person written by Alfred led the hotel
+people to telegraph the minstrel manager, who hastened to the city where
+his friend had died. Ere he arrived, the Masonic fraternity had
+performed the last sad rites. Mr. Noyes was the friend of Alfred when he
+needed friends and it was his intention to send all that was mortal of
+him to his old home. Telegrams were not answered and Charles Noyes
+sleeps in the little cemetery at Lampasas, Texas.
+
+As the Thayer & Noyes Circus was one of the best, Alfred has always
+considered his engagement with that concern as the beginning of his
+professional career. Dr. James L. Thayer and his family were highly
+connected. Mr. Noyes married the sister of his partner's wife. The
+families did not agree and this led to a separation of the partners,
+disastrous to both. Chas. Noyes' Crescent City Circus, and Dr. James
+Thayer's Great American Circus never appealed to the people as did the
+old title, nor was either of the concerns as meritorious as the Thayer &
+Noyes concern. In the prosperous days of the show the proprietors and
+their wives were welcome guests in the homes of the best families in the
+cities visited. The writer remembers that in the city of Baltimore, the
+mayor, the city council and other high dignitaries attended the opening
+performance in a body.
+
+The company was the cream of the circus world: S. P. Stickney, one of
+the most respectable and talented of old time circus men; Sam and Robert
+Stickney, sons; Emma Stickney, his daughter; Tom King and wife, Millie
+Turnour, Jimmy Reynolds, the clown whose salary of one hundred dollars a
+week had so excited the cupidity of Alfred; Woody Cook, who came from
+Cookstown, Fayette County, only a few miles from Brownsville, and who,
+like Alfred had left home to seek his fortune; James Kelly, champion
+leaper of the world; James Cook and wife, of the Cook family, were of
+the company.
+
+All circus people in those days were apprenticed, all learned their
+business. One of the latter day hall room performers would have received
+short shrift in a company of those days, when every performer was an
+all-round athlete; in fact, in individual superiority, the circus actor
+of that day outclassed those of the present. The riders were very much
+superior as they had more competent instructors.
+
+The only particular in which the circus performance has progressed is in
+the introduction of the thrillers--the big aerial acts, the mid-air
+feats. Combination acts are superior in the present circus and in this
+alone has there been improvement. The circus people of old bore the same
+relation to the public as does the legitimate actor today.
+
+There was an aristocracy in the circus world of those days that could
+not be understood by the circus people of today. Some twelve families
+controlled the circus business in this country for years. They were
+people of wealth and affairs.
+
+The Robinson family was one of the oldest and most famous of their
+times. The elder John Robinson left an estate valued in the millions.
+The numerous apprentices of this master of the circus were the most
+famous of all of their times. James Robinson who was the undisputed
+champion bare-back rider of the world, was an apprentice of "Old John"
+Robinson. Assuming the name of Robinson, he held a place in the circus
+field never attained by any other. He toured the world heralded as the
+champion, yet he would never permit himself to be announced as such. He
+earned two fortunes. Today at an age that leaves the greater number of
+men in their dotage, Mr. Robinson is healthy and active. He enjoys life
+as few old persons do. In the office of his friend, Dr. J. J. McClellan,
+he may be found almost any day, the center of a group of good fellows
+and none merrier than the once champion bare-back rider of the world.
+
+The Stickneys were one of the greatest of the old time circus families.
+In the summer the family followed the red wagons and in the winter Mr.
+Stickney managed the American Theatre on Poydras Street, New Orleans.
+America's noted players all appeared in this theatre. Young Bob Stickney
+was born in this theatre. He made his first appearance on the stage as
+the child in Rolla, supporting Edwin Forrest. No more talented or
+graceful performer ever entered a circus ring than this same Robert
+Stickney. Only a few weeks ago the writer attended a performance of that
+improbable play, Polly at the Circus. The grace and dramatic actions of
+Mr. Stickney in the one brief moment in the scene where Polly rushes
+into the ring, were more effectively and dramatically portrayed than any
+climax in the play.
+
+When Thayer & Noyes' Great American Circus exhibited in Baltimore a
+special quarter sheet bill was printed, the program of the performance.
+Al. G. Field was one of the names on the bill, in two colors. The agent
+mailed one of these bills to the show. It was not until the portly
+proprietor, Dr. Thayer, explained to Alfred that his name was entirely
+too long for a quarter sheet, and that if he, Alfred, desired to be
+billed, he must curtail the name. "I've just knocked your hat off,"
+laughed the good natured showman. Alfred thought little of the matter.
+He only regarded the name as a _nom-de-plume_. Other bills were printed
+bearing the name of Al. G. Field; when nearing the end of the circus
+season the management of the Bidwell & McDonough's Black Crook Company
+applied to Thayer & Noyes for two or three lively young men to act as
+sprites, and goblins, Mr. Thayer recommended young Mr. Field as a
+capable person to impersonate the red gnome; this name went on the
+bills. Alfred never signed a letter or used the newly acquired name
+until years afterwards circumstances and conditions had fixed the show
+name upon him and it was absolutely imperative he adopt it. Therefore in
+1881, by act of the legislature of Ohio and the Probate Court of
+Franklin County, Ohio, the name of Alfred Griffith Hatfield Field was
+legalized, abbreviated on all advertising matter to Al. G. Field. It is
+so copyrighted in the title of the Al. G. Field Greater Minstrels with
+the Librarian of Congress.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
+
+    We all fall down at times,
+      Though we have nerve and grit;
+    You're worth a bet, but don't forget--
+      To lay down means to quit.
+
+
+"Columbus, Ohio, is a long ways out west and I don't hope tu ever git tu
+see you all agin but I hope you won't fergit me, kase I'll never fergit
+you. I'd go with you all but I'm 'bliged tu keep my promise. I hope my
+married life will turn out all right but you kan't never guess whar
+you're goin' tu land when yu sail on the sea of matermony.
+
+"They say the reason men don't practis what they preach is bekase they
+need the money. Well, if he practices what he preaches, he'll be a good
+pervider and that's all I'll ask of him.
+
+"I hope John will do better when you git settled in Columbus an' I know
+he will. Alfred's mos' a man grown an' he'll be a big help to his pap if
+ye'll jes' take him right. I jes' told John day afore yisterday--I ses,
+ses I--'Alfurd's no child enny more and you ought not tu treat him like
+a boy.' I want you all to write me and tell me how yu like it. I s'pose
+when yu git out in Ohio you'll all git the ager. Uncle Wilse's folks did
+and they shook thar teeth loose. They moved to Tuscarrarus County.
+Newcomerstown was thar post office. They wrote us they wanted to kum
+back home afore they was there a month.
+
+"It's bad fur ole peepul to change their hums. Hits all right fur young
+folks kase they're not settled an' they soon fergit the old love fur the
+new, but I hope you'll like hit. John says the railroads kum into
+Columbus from both ways an' the cars are comin' an' goin' all the time.
+If you live close tu the depot you won't sleep much kase you hain't used
+tu hit."
+
+Lin's fears were not realized. Alfred's home was far from the depot. It
+was in the South End, in fact, the South End was Columbus in those days.
+
+Those who guided the destinies of railroads were as wise in those days
+as these of the present. The site of Coony Born's father's brewery was
+selected as the most desirable location for a passenger depot. The good
+people of Columbus (the South End) were more jealous of their rights
+than the people of today when a railroad is supposed to be encroaching
+upon them; therefore when it was proposed to locate a depot where the
+noise would disturb their slumbers and their setting hens, the
+opposition of not the few, but many, was aroused. To locate the depot in
+their midst was an invasion of their rights. Not only would it disturb
+the quietude of their homes but it would be a menace to their business
+inasmuch as it would attract undesirable strangers. The business men of
+the South End had their regular customers and did not care to take
+chances with strangers. They admitted a depot was a necessity--a sort of
+nuisance--to be tolerated, but not approved.
+
+Railroad people of those days were as inconsistent as those of today.
+They were spiteful. They built a depot outside the city limits, as near
+the line of demarcation as possible.
+
+North Public Lane, now Naghten Street, was the north city limits. The
+South End had won. They celebrated their victory over the railroads by a
+public demonstration. Hessenauer's Garden was crowded. The principal
+speaker, in eloquent Low Dutch, congratulated the citizens on the
+preservation of their rights--and slumbers. He highly complimented them
+over the fact that they had forced the railroads to locate their depot
+as far from the South End as the law and the city limits would permit.
+
+The new depot was connected with the city by a cinder path, nor could
+the city compel the builders of the new depot to lay a sidewalk. The
+depot people claimed the land thereunder would revert to the city.
+Therefore, in the rainy seasons incoming travelers carried such
+quantities of the cinder walk on their feet that the sidewalks of High
+Street appeared to strangers in mourning for the sad mistake of those
+who platted the town in confining the city forever to one street.
+
+Every incoming locomotive deposited its ashes on the cinder path. The
+city could not remove the ashes as rapidly as they accumulated. The task
+was abandoned and to this day no continuous efforts are made to keep the
+streets of Columbus clean. Like the good fraus of the South End cleaning
+house, the streets are cleaned once a year--near election time.
+
+There was no population north of Naghten Street until after the erection
+of the depot. It is true there were a few North of Ireland folks living
+in the old Todd Barracks, and many of their descendants to this day can
+be found on Neil Avenue; yet they had no political power at that time;
+in fact the South End people, with that supreme indifference which
+characterizes those who have possession by right of inheritance, did not
+even note the invasion of the city by the Yankees and Puritans from
+Worthington and Westerville. It was not until Pat Egan was elected
+coroner that the residents of the South End realized a candidate of
+theirs could be laid out by a foreigner.
+
+It was in those days that Alfred was introduced to Columbus. They were
+the good old days, when all thrifty people made their kraut on All
+Hallowe'en and the celebration of Schiller's birthday was only
+overshadowed by that of Washington's; when the first woods were away out
+in the country and quail shooting good anywhere this side of Alum Creek.
+The State Fair grounds (Franklin Park) were in the city.
+
+The State House, the Court House, Born's Brewery, the City Hall, and
+Hessenauer's Garden, all in the South End, were all the public
+improvements the city could boast of. Others were not desired.
+
+Those days only live in the memory of the good people who enjoyed
+them--the good old days when every lawn in the South End was a social
+center on Sundays; where every tree shaded a happy, contented gathering
+whose songs of the Fatherland were in harmony with the laws of the land,
+touching a responsive chord in the breasts of those who not only enjoyed
+the benefits and blessings of the best and most liberal government on
+earth, but appreciated them.
+
+The statesmen of those days, the men who made laws and upheld them,
+chosen as rulers by a majority of their fellow citizens, were respected
+by all. It was not necessary for an official to stand guard between the
+rabble and the administration. Office holders stood upon the dignity of
+their offices. Demagogues had not instilled in the minds of the ignorant
+that to be governed was to be oppressed. Those unfitted by nature and
+education to administer public affairs did not aspire to do so nor to
+embarrass those who were competent.
+
+In the good old days of Columbus, in the days of "Rise Up" William
+Allen, Allen W. Thurman, Sunset Cox and others, that fact that has been
+recognized in republic, kingdom and empire, namely: That that government
+is least popular that is most open to public access and interference.
+
+The office holders of those days were strong and self-reliant. They
+formulated and promulgated their policies. They had faith in themselves.
+The voters had faith in them and faith is as necessary in politics as in
+religion.
+
+The glories of the South End began to wane. South End people in the
+simplicity of their minds felt they were entitled to their customs,
+liberties and enjoyments.
+
+Sober and law abiding, they only asked to be permitted to live in their
+own way as they had always lived. But the interlopers objected. The
+Yankees interfered in private and public affairs, legislation was
+distorted, and still more aggravating, the descendants of the Puritans
+demanded that at all public celebrations pumpkin pie and sweet cider be
+substituted for lager beer, head and limburger cheese.
+
+A German lends dignity to any business or calling he may engage in.
+Honest and industrious, he succeeds in his undertakings. In the old days
+all that was required to establish a paying business in the South End
+was a keg of beer, a picture of Prince Bismarck and a urinal. Patronized
+by his neighbors, his place was always quiet and orderly. But little
+whiskey was consumed, hence there was but little drunkenness.
+
+When William Wall invited George Schoedinger into John Corrodi's, George
+called for beer. Wall, with a shrug of his shoulders to evidence his
+disgust, said: "Oh, shucks! Beer! Beer! Take whiskey, mon, beer's too
+damn bulky." As there was no prohibition territory in those days there
+was no bottled beer. Whether keg beer was too bulky or not relished,
+brewery wagons seldom invaded the sections wherein the interlopers
+dwelt. The grocery wagons of George Wheeler and Wm. Taylor were often in
+evidence. Both of these groceries in the North End did a thriving jug
+and bottle trade. The Germans bought and imbibed their beer openly. The
+grocery wagons were a cloak to the secretiveness of those whom they
+served, therefore those who patronized the grocery wagons were greatly
+grieved and rudely shocked at the sight of the beer wagons and the
+knowledge that their fellow citizens drank beer in their homes or on
+their lawns.
+
+This became an issue in politics and religion. Many went to church
+seeking consolation and were forced to listen to political speeches.
+Preachers forgot their calling; instead of preaching love, they
+advocated hatred. The German saloon, being lowly and harmless, must go.
+In their stead came the mirrored bar with its greater influence for the
+spread of intemperance but clothed with more respectability outwardly.
+Public officials were embarrassed, cajoled and threatened. The
+malcontent, the meddler, the demagogue, had injected their baneful
+innovations into the political life of Columbus.
+
+It is related the Indians would not live as the Puritan fathers desired
+they should. They would not accept the dogmas and beliefs of the whites.
+At Thanksgiving time, a period of fasting and prayer, the Puritan
+fathers held a business meeting and these resolutions were adopted:
+
+First, resolved, that the earth and the fullness thereof belong to God.
+
+Second, that God gave the earth to his chosen people.
+
+Third, that we are those.
+
+They then adjourned, went out and slew every redskin in sight.
+Politically, the same fate was meted out to the peaceful citizens of the
+South End. The sceptre had passed from the hands of the sturdy old
+burghers of the South End. In their stead came a crop of office holders
+who, striving for personal popularity, catering to the meddler and
+busybody--a class who had no business of their own, but ever ready to
+attend to that of others. From a willing-to-be governed and peaceful
+city, discontent and confusion came. Every tinker, tailor or candle
+stick maker, every busybody in the city took it upon themselves,
+although without training, ability or experience, to advise how the city
+should be governed.
+
+In the new order of things, representatives were elected noted only for
+their talking talents, the consequence of which was that every official
+considered that he was entitled to talk and talk on every subject
+whether he understood it or not.
+
+There was a custom among the warriors of Rome that when one fell in
+battle, each soldier in his command cast a shovelful of earth on the
+corpse. Thus a mighty mound was formed.
+
+And so it was in the new order of things in Columbus. When a question of
+moment came, every official endeavored to shower his eloquence upon it
+until it was buried under a mass of words. The busybodies who so greatly
+interfered with public matters were from the grocery wagon sections and
+were addicted to chewing cloves. Those from the West Side chewed
+tobacco. All ate peanuts. Special appropriations were requested by John
+Ward, city hall janitor, to remove the peanut hulls after each talk
+fest. And thus it was that peanut politics and peanut politicians came
+to be known in Columbus. Peanut politics like all infections, spread
+until the whole political system became affected. If the depot had been
+located in the South End there would be no North End today.
+
+Do you remember the North End before the depot was located there? Do you
+remember Wesley Chapel on the site of the present Wesley and Nicholas
+block. Worship was never disturbed by the hum of business. In the North
+End in those days there was Tom Marshall's Red Bird Saloon, Jack Moore's
+barber shop, and that old frame building, Hickory Alley and High Street,
+No. 180, a floor space of twenty-five by forty feet. They turned out one
+hundred and fifty buggies a year. Later, as the Columbus Buggy Company,
+a buggy every eight minutes was the output. That was the beginning of
+the largest concern of its kind in the world.
+
+The Columbus Buggy Company and Doctor Hartman, the foremost citizen of
+Columbus, have done more to bring fame and business to Columbus than all
+other concerns combined. Their advertising matter, the most expensive
+ever used, is distributed to all parts of the world; hence, the man
+abroad hailing from Columbus is not compelled to carry a map to verify
+his statement that Columbus is on it.
+
+The Columbus of that day had more street railways than the Columbus of
+today. In fact, every man that had a pull had a street of his own.
+Columbus has more streets than any city in the world, comparatively. It
+is true some of them are not as long as the names they bear, yet they
+are on the town plat. Probably it was this ambition to own a street that
+influenced others to own street railways. We always spoke of "Old Man"
+Miller owning the two-horse High Street line. Luther Donaldson owned the
+one-horse line on State Street. Doctor Hawkes owned the one-horse line
+on West Broad Street. Doctor Hawkes owned several stage lines diverging
+from Columbus. He was the most serious of men. Alfred was in his employ.
+His duties called him to towns on the various stage routes. Hunting was
+good anywhere in those days. Alfred was provided with a rickety buggy
+and a spavined horse. He provided himself with a shot gun and a dog.
+
+[Illustration: The First Home of The Columbus Buggy Co.]
+
+Returning from Mt. Sterling one raw autumn day, the game had been
+plentiful. The old Doctor met Alfred near where the Hawkes Hospital (now
+Mt. Carmel) stands. The Doctor driving a nettled horse, hurriedly
+advised Alfred that business of importance demanded he return to
+Washington C. H. There was a fine bag of game under the seat in the
+buggy, also a double barreled shot gun and a hunting suit. How to
+explain their presence to the Doctor was perplexing, although he had not
+neglected the business entrusted to him; in fact, he was an hour ahead
+of the time. Alfred feared the Doctor would be displeased.
+
+The Doctor, quickly alighting, ordered Alfred into his rig.
+
+"Doctor, I have a bunch of quail under the seat. Just let me get my gun
+out and you can have the quail if you want them; if not, send them out
+to father's." The old Doctor knitted his brow but said nothing. However,
+the quail were sent to the father's house.
+
+Another day, starting on a trip to the country, the Doctor standing on
+the steps of the office, looked at Alfred and asked if he had forgotten
+anything.
+
+"No, sir, nothing. I have everything I usually take with me."
+
+"Where's your gun?" asked the Doctor.
+
+"Out home," replied Alfred. "Now Doctor, I have done a little hunting
+but I always start early and I never neglect your business."
+
+The Doctor muttered something about hunting being a frivolous sport and
+it should not be engaged in on your employer's time.
+
+He never permitted anyone to waste time. The Hawkes' farm, embracing all
+the land on the West Side near where the Mt. Carmel Hospital is now
+located, was covered with stones. It was a fad of the Doctor's to pass
+an afternoon on the farm, gathering stones.
+
+Preparing to leave for Aetna one morning, Alfred called at the office to
+receive instructions. It was late when the old gentleman put in an
+appearance. He had had a bad night and desired Alfred to accompany him
+to the farm.
+
+Arriving at the farm, it was not long until he had Alfred picking up
+stones. The greater part of the day was thus spent. Alfred's back ached.
+He thought it the most peculiar fad a sane man ever indulged in. The
+Doctor was as deeply interested as though engaged in some great
+undertaking. A dozen boulders were placed in the buggy, as heavy a load
+as the old vehicle would stand up under. Driving to a point where the
+Doctor had quite a pile, the stones were unloaded and another load
+collected.
+
+Rabbits were numerous. The next visit to the farm Alfred carried his
+gun. It was but a few moments until a cotton-tail jumped up in the path
+of the buggy. Alfred killed the rabbit. It was not long until four of
+the big-eared bunnies were dead on the buggy floor. The old Doctor began
+to show interest in the sport. When Alfred made a move to lay away his
+gun, the Doctor requested that he continue the hunt. Nor was it long
+until he advised Alfred that he would accompany him to Mt. Sterling and
+requested that the gun and dog be taken along. The Doctor without
+expressing himself as being at all interested, followed Alfred in the
+field. The only interest he seemed to take in the sport was when the
+hunter missed; then, knitting his brows, he would follow the birds with
+his eyes as they flew away.
+
+Dr. Hawkes was the most unimpressionable of men. He had no conception of
+humor. He rarely smiled and never laughed outright. He assured Alfred
+that he would employ a man who had been in the penitentiary in
+preference to one who had traveled with a circus. The prejudiced old
+doctor was not aware that Alfred formerly followed the "red wagons."
+
+A contract had been entered into to convey a number of young school
+girls to their homes in the country. The driver failed to report. An
+hour passed. The old doctor was greatly worried. The team was the best
+in the barn and more than anxious to answer to the driver's command.
+Alfred climbed to the seat. Old Miles, the barn boss, was in doubt as to
+entrusting the horses to a driver who was not familiar with them.
+
+"Hol' on, boy. Everybody kan't handle dis team."
+
+"Turn them loose, Miles, I'm on my way," Alfred shouting "All-aboard."
+
+The Doctor looked on in doubt. Gazing up at Alfred he began questioning
+him as to where he had learned to drive four horses.
+
+"Oh, when I was with a circus," replied Alfred. "I reined six better
+ones than these."
+
+"You have a precious load. I'm really afraid to trust them to you. It
+would be an awful thing if you should not be able to handle the team.
+I'll send old Joe with you."
+
+"It's not necessary," Alfred replied.
+
+The young ladies aboard, the whip cracked, they were off; around the
+State House square, up High Street on a lively trot. The old Doctor
+stood on the corner with as near a smile on his face as Alfred ever
+noticed.
+
+In the evening he complimented Alfred meagerly on his proficiency as a
+whip. Alfred laughingly reminded him that they did not teach you stage
+driving over at the "pen". Uncle Henry, a blacksmith who shod the
+Doctor's stage horses, asserted the reason the Doctor preferred those
+from the "pen" was that he could hire them cheaper.
+
+James Clahane was facetiously dubbed "The Duke of Middletown" by his
+friends, and that meant everybody who was intimate with the good-natured
+Irishman.
+
+There must be something ennobling in the blacksmith calling. It not only
+strengthens the muscles but the nature of a man.
+
+When Doctor Hawkes projected the horse car line on West Broad Street, he
+solicited Clahane to buy stock. The old blacksmith had his hard-earned
+savings invested in West Broad Street building lots. The Doctor argued
+the street car line would not only pay handsome dividends but greatly
+enhance the value of abutting property. Clahane, very much against his
+judgment, invested considerable money in the street car line. The cars
+were not operated a month until Clahane questioned the Doctor as to when
+the road would strike a dividend. It was considered a good joke by all,
+save the Doctor.
+
+Burglars cracked the street car safe, securing over four hundred dollars
+of the company's money. The news spread quickly. Clahane, minus coat,
+with plug hat in hand, (it was a hot morning), approached the office.
+Several gentlemen, including the Doctor, stood on the steps viewing the
+wreck within. Clahane, while yet the width of Broad Street away, shouted
+at the top of his voice: "Egad, Dhoctur, yese hev got yere divident." If
+the old Doctor realized the humor of this dig he never evidenced it.
+
+The world declared the Doctor cold and uncharitable, but Alfred never
+enters Mt. Carmel Hospital that he does not lift his hat in reverence as
+he halts in front of the marble bust that so faithfully portrays the
+serious face of Doctor Hawkes.
+
+In those days Heitman was Mayor, Sam Thompson Chief of Police, Lott
+Smith was the 'Squire of the town, and 'Squire Doney in the township.
+Chief Heinmiller ran the Fire Department and ran it right. Oliver Evans
+had the exclusive oyster trade of the city, handling it personally with
+a one horse wagon. The postoffice was near the Neil House. The canal
+boats unloaded at Broad Street, and Columbus had a Fourth of July
+celebration every year.
+
+Alfred was one of a committee of young men laboring, to demonstrate to
+the world that the birth of this nation was an event, and incidently, to
+attract attention to a section of the city that had been overlooked in
+the way of street improvements. The large vacant field opposite the
+Blind Asylum was selected as the proper location for the Fourth of July
+celebration. The fact that the brass band, lately organized by the
+officers of the Blind Asylum, would be available for the exercises, had
+great weight with the committee, in selecting the location. Parsons
+Avenue, then East Public Lane, was the muddiest street in the city.
+Those who drove their cows home via East Public Lane will verify this
+statement.
+
+The city council had been appealed to personally and by petition.
+Finally, to partially appease public outcry, a very narrow sidewalk was
+constructed from Friend, now Main Street, to Mound, one short square.
+This very narrow sidewalk aroused those of the neighborhood as never
+before, excepting when the pound was established and citizens prevented
+pasturing their live stock on the public streets.
+
+Among the attractions of the Fourth of July celebration were Lon
+Worthington, tight-rope walker; Billy Wyatt, in fire-eating exercises; a
+greased pig; Ed DeLany, who was to read the Declaration of Independence
+and Alfred a burlesque oration.
+
+There was universal dissatisfaction over the narrow sidewalk and many
+independent citizens refused to walk upon it. They waded in mud to their
+knees, and proudly boasted of their independence as citizens. Even
+ladies refused to use the sidewalk, asserting it was so narrow two
+persons could not pass without embracing.
+
+There was an old soldier who bore the scars of numerous battles and was
+looking for more. On the glorious Fourth, to more strongly emphasize his
+disdain for the narrow sidewalk, he rigged himself out in the uniform he
+had worn throughout the war. Although it was excessively hot he wore not
+only his fatigue uniform but his heavy blue double-caped overcoat. He
+paraded up and down along the side of the detested sidewalk, never
+stepping foot upon it. When his feet became too heavy with mud he
+scraped it off on the edge of the walk as he cursed the city council. He
+consigned them to----, where there are no Fourth of Julys or sidewalks.
+
+Strains of music foretold the coming of the grand parade, headed by the
+Blind Band, marching in the middle of the street, their movement guided
+by a Drum Major blessed with the sight of one eye. On they came, four
+abreast, taking up the narrow street from field fence line to narrow
+sidewalk line. From the opposite direction came the Son of Mars. He was
+large enough to be the father of that mythical warrior. The four slide
+trombone players leading the van were rapidly nearing the violent
+soldier who was taking up as much street as the four musicians; in fact,
+after his last visit to Ed Turner's saloon, the old soldier actually
+required the full width of the street. As the band and soldiers neared
+each other, it was evident there would be a collision. On the old "vet"
+marched, oblivious of everything on earth excepting the sidewalk. People
+yelled at him. One man who knew something of military tactics shouted
+"Halt!" The old veteran shouting back, to go to where he had consigned
+the city council and their sidewalk. "Get out of the way; let the band
+by!" Waving his mace as an emblem of authority, Jack Nagle, the
+policeman, ran towards the old soldier. "Get out of the way! Get out of
+the street! Get on the sidewalk! Can't you walk on the sidewalk?" "Walk
+on the sidewalk," shouted the old soldier, "Walk on the sidewalk? Huh,
+what in hell do you take me for, the tight-rope walker?"
+
+The Fourth of July celebration was successful. In obtaining street
+improvements, East Public Lane was paved with brick twenty years
+afterwards, thus Alfred gained a reputation as a politician.
+
+Years later, George J. Karb, a candidate for sheriff, requested Alfred
+and several of his friends to make a tour of the northern part of the
+county in his interest--a section noted for its piety and
+respectability. There were Mayor George Pagels and Bill Parks and Jewett
+of Worthington, Fred Butler of Dublin, Tom Hanson of Linworth, and
+numerous other deacons and elders to be seen. Karb requested that Alfred
+select the right people to accompany him. W. E. Joseph, Charley Wheeler
+and Gig Osborn, made up the committee that was to present the merits of
+the candidate for sheriff to the voters of the Linwood and Plain City
+section. Karb was furious when he learned that Fred Atcherson had
+volunteered to carry the party in his big Packard machine. He swore they
+would lose him more votes than he could ever hope to regain; an
+automobile was the detestation of every farmer. To complete the campaign
+organization the committee decided to wear the largest goggles, caps and
+automobile coats procurable. The first farmer's team they met shied off
+the road, upsetting the wagon, breaking the tongue and crushing one
+wheel. The committee gave the farmer an order on Fred Immel to repair
+the wagon if possible, otherwise deliver a new wagon to the bearer,
+charging same to George J. Karb.
+
+This experience cautioned the party to be more careful. Another farmer's
+team approaching, they halted by the roadside a hundred yards from the
+passing point. Do what he would the farmer could not urge his team by
+the automobile. Charley Wheeler became impatient and sarcastic. "What's
+the matter? You going to hold us here all day? Didn't your crow-baits
+ever see a gas wagon before?"
+
+"Yes, my team has seed gas wagons and gas houses afore," sneered the
+farmer, "but they hain't used to a hull pack of skeer crows in one
+crowd. When we put a skeer crow in a corn field, one's all we make. Some
+damned fools make a dozen and put 'em all in one automobile. If you'll
+all get out and hide, my team will go by your ole benzine tank."
+
+Hot and dusty, the party halted in front of a hotel. The village was
+larger and more prosperous than any yet visited.
+
+A number of men were threshing grain a few hundred yards away, the steam
+threshing machine attracting farmers from all the country about. One a
+peculiar man, more refined appearing than the others, had once been a
+college professor; overstudy had partially unbalanced his reason. He was
+versed in the classics. He took an especial interest in Alfred.
+
+Bill Joseph is the luckiest man that ever tapped a slot machine. When
+traveling he often steps off the train while it halts at a depot and
+pulls his expenses out of a slot machine. On this day he was unusually
+lucky. The hotel had a varied assortment of drop-a-nickle-in-the-slot
+devices. Joe tapped them in a row. The hotel people looked upon him with
+suspicion. But when he carried the winnings into the bar, ordering the
+hotel man to slake the thirsts of the threshers, they were sort of
+reconciled. The old college professor, unlike the others, demanded
+something stronger than beer. His neighbors, who evidently had him in
+charge, endeavored to persuade him to go home.
+
+[Illustration: On the Crowd Cheered]
+
+"Wait! Hold a minute. I want to talk to this man Field. He is a
+scientific man. His father laid the Atlantic cable. His family is noted
+the world over. I want to talk to him. The Field family are noted
+scientists."
+
+One of those who seemed most intimate with the professor was an old
+soldier, very deaf.
+
+"What did you say his name was?" he inquired.
+
+"Field," replied the professor. "F-i-e-l-d."
+
+"Field," repeated the old soldier. "Field. Well, I want nuthin' to do
+with _him_. Field was my captain's name in the army, an' he was the
+damnedest beat I ever knowed."
+
+The old professor stuck to Alfred quoting Latin. He quoted a striking
+climax from one of Bryan's speeches, a quotation Bryan has been using in
+his Chautauqua lectures and political speeches for years. The old
+professor observed Claudius evolved this idea years ago. Alfred had no
+idea of who Claudius was, or how long ago he lived. However, when he
+located him four hundred years back, the old professor said "Huh, four
+hundred years ago? H-ll! Four thousand years." Alfred did not delve into
+the classics further.
+
+Alfred presented the claims of Geo. Karb for the office of Sheriff and
+concluded his talk by inviting all to call on Karb when they happened in
+Columbus. "And when election day comes around, I hope you will all see
+your way clear to cast your votes for him, even though you are opposed
+to him politically. We must not adhere too strictly to our political
+prejudices in selecting officers to look after our personal affairs. And
+that's what a sheriff should do, and that's what Geo. Karb will do.
+Therefore, I ask you to cast your votes for Geo. J. Karb for sheriff of
+Franklin County."
+
+The crowd cheered.
+
+The old professor took it upon himself to reply. First, he thanked all
+for the honor they did his community by visiting them. "We have too few
+scientists visit us and I hope Mr. Field will come again when he can
+enlighten us on many scientific matters of which we are in doubt. As to
+his candidate for Sheriff of Franklin County, we know he is deserving or
+Mr. Field and the eminent gentlemen would not commend him. And I know
+that every voter here would be glad to vote for Mr. Karb if we lived in
+Franklin County."
+
+The facts are, the committee in their zeal, were electioneering in
+Milford Center, Union County.
+
+Joe was pryed off the slot machines and a solemn compact entered into
+that the part of the electioneering tour over the Franklin County line
+be forever held and guarded as a sealed book.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
+
+    And far away--up yonder, in the window o' the blue,
+    The dreamed-of angels listen to an echo glad and new--
+    Thrilled to the Gates of Glory, and they say:
+        "Heaven's love to you,
+      Brother of the Light that makes the Morning!"
+
+
+"If John kin do better in Columbus, hit's yo're duty to go." Thus Linn
+advised the mother.
+
+Columbus was a big city but it was not home. The mother was discontented
+and longed for the old town back yonder. Alfred had promised to abandon
+his circus ambitions. He had just concluded a season in the south with
+the Simmons & Slocum Minstrels, a famous troupe of those days. E. N.
+Slocum was a Columbus man. Alfred had received an offer to cross the
+ocean with Haverly's Minstrels, a very large company. Haverly had
+invaded London previously and the success of that venture aroused great
+hopes for the success of the second company. The mother's strenuous
+opposition to Alfred's acceptance of the engagement was backed up by
+Uncle Henry Hunt, who was on a visit from Burlington, Iowa.
+
+Uncle Henry was born in Elk County, Ky. His mother died when he was very
+young. His father married soon after the death of the first wife. The
+younger sister and himself did not appeal strongly to the step-mother.
+She was deeply interested in church work, and had little time to devote
+to the half orphaned children or her home. A plantation and a hundred
+and fifty slaves engaged all the father's time. The boy and girl ran
+wild on the place and it was little wonder they often came in for
+censure and even more severe punishment. The sister seemed more
+aggravating to the new mother than the boy. Reprimands became more
+frequent, followed by bodily punishment. During the father's absence in
+Louisville, the step-mother's abuse of the sister became so aggravating
+to the brother that he assaulted the step-mother. The boy, fearing the
+wrath of the father, determined to run away. He had relatives, a brother
+in Newark, Ohio. Walking and working, he reached Newark, footsore,
+weary, lonesome and homesick. He felt he had reached a haven of rest.
+
+The wife of the brother was the best man. She ran the husband, she ran
+the home. Ragged and miserable looking, his reception was anything but
+cordial. The recital of his wrongs, the abuse of his sister by the
+step-mother, instead of creating sympathy, brought censure. The
+brother's wife was a most devout church member and that a boy of
+fourteen had descended to the depths of degradation his condition
+denoted, was most abhorrent to her.
+
+The boy realized that he was an unwelcome guest. It was not long ere the
+brother, influenced by the wife, informed him that he must go back to
+his home, to the old plantation in Kentucky, that he must submit to the
+authority of the step-mother, become a better boy, that his behavior,
+had disgraced the family, and that he, the brother, could not harbor him
+longer. The brother's wife assured him the prayers of herself and family
+would go up for him nightly. They gave him no food, they gave him no
+money. When the door of his brother's house closed upon him, all there
+was of love in his being for kith or kin went out of him, save for the
+memory of the dead mother and the living sister. He worked on a farm
+barefooted; he slept in an out-house without sufficient covering to keep
+him warm; he carried a clap-board to the field that he might protect his
+feet from the frost while he husked corn. He apprenticed himself to a
+blacksmith, learned the trade and came to Columbus. He established a
+shop at a crossroads in the country. It became known as Hunt's Corners.
+It is now the corner of Cleveland and Mt. Vernon Avenues.
+
+Uncle Henry, through influence, secured a contract from the
+penitentiary. He accumulated money, moved to Burlington, Iowa, became
+one of the prosperous, progressive business men of that beautiful city.
+That Uncle Henry's heart was hardened towards relatives did not change
+his generous disposition towards friends.
+
+Alfred liked the rugged old blacksmith whose good nature and wholesome
+hospitality were the admiration of all who were fortunate enough to be
+his guests. He entertained as few men can entertain. The host of a home
+is a difficult social role to fill. There are no rules, no book-lessons
+that teach it. It is an inborn trait and comes only to a man who loves
+the companionship, the good-fellowship of human beings. Uncle Henry was
+noted for the good things to eat he so abundantly provided. However, had
+he served the plainest food to those whom he welcomed, his hearty
+hospitality would have made it a feast.
+
+[Illustration: Uncle Henry]
+
+Uncle Henry soothingly addressed the mother: "Sis," (he always addressed
+her as "Sis,"), "Alfred's not going to England. He has walked many dusty
+roads, like myself, and he's all the better for it, but you can't walk
+back from England. I've told him so. Alfred's going to stay right here
+in this country. He's all right. He's going with a circus. He's a better
+circus manager than plenty of them that's making money. When he gets a
+little older, hard behind the ears, we're going to get up a company and
+start him out right. I've talked it all over with Grimes and two or
+three other friends. Now you and John just let that boy alone. He'll
+come out all right."
+
+The mother said: "Alfred has promised me he will not go with another
+circus. It keeps us worried all the time. I'm afraid something will
+happen him."
+
+"Yes, something will happen him, and you take it from me, it will happen
+here or there, and it's more liable to happen here than there. Say, Sis,
+come on, be a sensible woman. Never drive your boys away. Never coax
+them to lie."
+
+"Why, I haven't coaxed Alfred to lie," quickly answered the mother.
+
+"Say, Sis, you've been coaxing that boy to lie since he was able to
+paddle his own canoe. Your coaxing him to do that, he will never do.
+That is, stay at home and paint wagons, houses or boats. Give him his
+way. He'll have it anyhow, you see if he don't. If he wants to start a
+grocery, I'll loan him the money. But, he'll never make a groceryman.
+Suppose they'd tried to make a preacher out me," (and all laughed),
+Uncle Henry said, "Yes, you laugh at the very idea of it. Let me tell
+you something, and I hope Alfred's high-falutin' preacher uncles and
+others won't get red in the face when they hear of it. If you all keep
+caterwauling Alfred around, he wouldn't amount to three hurrahs in
+Halifax."
+
+"He may work for Doctor Hawkes forty years longer and he will be no
+better off than a living. There's no hope for a boy in working for a man
+like Doctor Hawkes. The Doctor's all right but he never assisted a human
+being to better himself. He's like all other rich men. He just uses men
+to pile it up for himself, and any man that can't pile it up for
+himself, or don't make a big try to do so, needs shingling. I never had
+any relatives to pull me back, and I never had any to put me forward."
+
+"Where is your brother and his wife?" someone asked Uncle Henry.
+
+"Wheeling cinders," came quick as a flash.
+
+"Oh, Uncle Henry, I am surprised."
+
+"Well, the reason I say that, is, they told me that people that did
+certain things would sure go there"--and he pointed downwards--"and they
+did those very things so what can I say when you ask me where they are?"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Peter Sells and Alfred were close friends. The Sells Bros. Show had
+opened early--April 16, 17, 18. It rained or snowed every day during
+their engagement in Columbus. The show was to appear in Chillicothe a
+few days after leaving Columbus. Peter Sells came into the stage office
+and arranged to go to Chillicothe. He had returned from Kentucky to
+confer with his brothers. Alfred accepted his invitation to accompany
+him to Chillicothe. The after concert, with no performers to present it,
+had been omitted for three days. Alfred advised Ephraim Sells that could
+he find wardrobe a concert could be given that afternoon and night. The
+wardrobe was secured. The announcer made much of the "great minstrel
+comedian" who would positively appear in the concert for this day only.
+Nat Goodwin and his company, who were to appear in the opera house that
+night, were in the audience.
+
+Ephraim, Allen and Peter Sells, and Alfred were seated on a bench in
+front of the hotel. Allen Sells was endeavoring to persuade Alfred to
+remain with the show.
+
+While the dicker was pending, a young clerk from a store door, yelled to
+a passer-by on the opposite side of the street: "Were you at the
+circus?" The other yelled: "Yes." "How was it?" "Bum, but the concert's
+good. That Al. G. Field that was here last winter in the opera house, is
+with them. The concert's the best part of the whole thing. I guess the
+minstrels are busted, or Field wouldn't be with such a bum circus."
+
+The Sells Brothers appreciated the joke.
+
+The argument ended abruptly by the engagement of Alfred.
+
+Ephraim Sells was exacting in all his dealings. Severe with the
+drunkard, he endeavored to assist all temperate and deserving employes,
+advising men to secure their own homes. "Own your home. You will never
+accumulate anything without a home. Establish a home, raise a family, be
+somebody." There are many men living in Columbus today who owe all
+their possessions to Ephraim Sells' advice.
+
+The Sells Brothers Shows were larger than the Thayer & Noyes. In fact,
+the Sells Shows had the advantage of a menagerie. The circus performance
+was not so meritorious as the first circus Alfred was connected with.
+The Sells brothers, with the exception of Peter, were not good showmen;
+that is, they were not producers, although good business men. Had the
+Sells brothers possessed the talent for originating and producing
+displayed by James A. Bailey, or Alfred T. Ringling, their organization
+would have been second to none, as they had the opportunities but did
+not take advantage of them.
+
+They were undoubtedly exhibiting the finest menagerie in the country,
+the collection of animals, with the exception of a giraffe, was most
+complete. Peter, the advance agent, returned to the show. He severely
+criticized the appearance of the show, particularly the lack of
+decorations. Nashville was a two days' stand. Ephraim gave Alfred orders
+to buy all the decorations, banners, flags, etc., necessary to convert
+the interior of the tents into a bower of beauty. Nashville stores were
+ransacked. Printed calico or other goods with the national colors
+emblazoned on them were the only decorations available. Wagon loads of
+these goods were purchased. Side poles were festooned with the gaudy
+colored calico, and lengths of it hung in front of the reserved seats,
+on the band stand, the entrance to the dressing tents. The decorations
+were the wonder and admiration of the circus folks. Drivers,
+razor-backs, car porters, cook tent, side show people came again to gaze
+upon the riot of color presented by the decorations. It rained as it
+only rains in Nashville. The surrounding country is fame's eternal
+camping ground. Here sleep men from all the States of the North and
+South. It is the bivouac of the dead. The hills have trembled with the
+tramp of armies. Blood has flowed as freely as the rushing waters of
+the murky Cumberland. Hills now green with nature's garb were once
+stained with the blood of those who struggled for the mastery. But no
+battlefield near Nashville ever presented the sight that did the hill on
+which stood Sells Brothers tents in the soft haze of that October
+morning. Running rivulets of red percolated in a hundred gulleys from
+under the circus tents. The gaudy red calico was now white, but all the
+plains below were red. Thousands came to view the sight. One negro
+spread the news that "the varmints wus all loose and had et up all de
+circus folks case de blood was leakin' out de tents in buckets-full."
+Another surmised "De elephans had upset the lemonade tubs."
+
+The decorations had faded white, the hills were red, Ephraim and Lewis
+made the air blue.
+
+Lewis sarcastically suggested Alfred communicate with Peter advising we
+had decorations, but they ran away, and we didn't have time to go down
+in the hollow and dip them up.
+
+One morning the startling news went around that the old man had fired
+the principal clown. In those days the old clown was best man with a
+circus. He was the entertainer--the leading man. He must be eloquent,
+nimble and a comedian. Every circus had it's popular clown. It was the
+days of Dan Rice, Ben McGinley, Pete Conklin, Johnny Patterson, Walcutt,
+Den Stone, John Lowlow, and others. Therefore, when Alfred was
+ordered--not requested--to prepare himself for the important role of
+principal clown, he was no little taken aback.
+
+"I have no costumes, I have no gags, I have no make-up," were Alfred's
+excuses.
+
+After all the boyhood day dreams, after all the preparations in his
+mind, after all the yearnings, all the ambitious hopes of a boy's
+lifetime, here was the coveted opportunity to become a clown in the
+circus. And, now when the opportunity to immortalize himself, to earn a
+salary as great as Jimmy Reynolds, and eventually buy a farm, he shied.
+
+A performer from Chiranni's Circus in South America dug from the bottom
+of his trunk as funny a clown costume as ever Joy donned. When made up,
+all pronounced Alfred as funny appearing as any clown. "He has a beak
+like Dan Rice and feet like Dr. Thayer," were a few of the side remarks.
+
+Alfred determined he would not use the jokes of the clown who had just
+left. The clown in those days was given unlimited opportunities. The
+tents were smaller--his voice reached every auditor. Sam Rinehart, good
+old Sam, was the ringmaster. Those of Jimmy Reynold's jokes Alfred could
+not bring to memory, Sam remembered. Therefore, the new clown was a
+success, with the circus people at least. Jimmy Reynolds' gags were new
+around the show, and if Alfred was not receiving Jimmy's salary he was
+telling his jokes. Alfred introduced local talks, which pleased the
+audiences greatly.
+
+[Illustration: Alfred as the Old Clown]
+
+All efforts to engage a clown were terminated by the manager making an
+agreement with Alfred, installing him as principal clown, a vocation he
+followed many summers. Lin's prophesy was literally fulfilled: "You kin
+clown h-it in summer and nigger it in winter."
+
+On that first day Alfred, nervously awaiting his cue to enter the ring
+as a clown, cautiously peered through the red damask curtains at the
+dressing room entrance. A boy on a top seat nearby caught sight of the
+white-painted face. In an ecstacy of joy he clapped his hands, shouting:
+"Oh, there's the old clown, there's the old clown." Sam Rinehart, sotto
+voice, standing near the band stand, remarked: "If that kid only knowed
+how dam new he is he wouldn't call him the _old_ clown." Of all the
+roles enacted by Alfred, that of the circus clown was most enjoyed. With
+thousands around him, in sympathy with every mishap or quip, at liberty
+to introduce any business that would amuse, with constantly changing
+audiences, Alfred enjoyed his work as greatly as did his auditors.
+
+"Alfred will come to town sum day a real clown in a circus, and the
+whole country will turn out to see him. Litt Dawson, the Congressman,
+won't be so much when Alfred gits to goin'." This was another of Lin's
+prophesies.
+
+Alfred came back home a real clown in a circus. The whole country turned
+out. No circus ever attracted the multitudes in such numbers. Hundreds
+turned away at both performances. Alfred's only regret was that Lin was
+not present. Two children had come to her. One was named John, the girl
+Mary, in honor of Alfred's father and mother. Lin had trouble with the
+school-marm. The children, as children often did in those days, brought
+home a few insects in their hair. Lin pursued them vigorously with a
+fine-toothed comb. To more quickly exterminate them, Lin gave the head
+of each child an application of lard and sulphur. The teacher sent the
+children home with a note advising Lin the preparation on their heads
+was offensive to her, the smell could not be tolerated. Lin led the
+children back to the school, tartly informing the school-marm that her
+children were "sent to school to be larnt, not smellt."
+
+When Alfred visited old Loudon County he fully expected to meet Lin and
+her family. When informed the big, hearty, wholesome woman had paid
+nature's debt and that nearly her last words were a message to his
+father and mother, the pleasure of his visit was greatly marred.
+
+The Sells Brothers and the Barnum Show were having opposition in
+Indiana. The late James Anderson, of Columbus, who for years was the
+superintendent of Doctor Hawkes Stage, Carriage & Transfer Company, was
+the manager of Sells Brothers Show. Ben Wallace was the liveryman who
+furnished the hay and oats for the circus. Anderson and Wallace became
+acquainted. A few days later Anderson informed Alfred that he and the
+tall young liveryman in Peru had formed a partnership to organize a
+circus. They offered Alfred a much greater salary than Sells Brothers
+were paying him, and also a winter's work organizing the show. A
+contract already signed with the Duprez and Benedict Minstrels was
+cancelled, an office opened in Comstock's Opera House, Columbus, Ohio.
+Every performer, every musician, etc., with the Wallace Show that first
+season was engaged by Alfred. Neither Wallace or Anderson knew what
+their show was to be until rehearsals began in Peru. Both were pleased.
+
+A bit of heretofore unwritten history: After Alfred had refused several
+offers, after all the best shows had their people engaged, Mr. Anderson,
+returning from Cincinnati, called on Alfred. The first word he uttered
+chilled Alfred's blood. "Call everything off, cancel all contracts, the
+show don't go out."
+
+Alfred had antagonized Sells Brothers and others by engaging people who
+had been with them for years. He had burned the bridges behind him, as
+it were. Mr. Anderson, in explanation, advised that he had been
+disappointed in money matters. Men that were to assist him had gone back
+on their promises, the printing firm demanded a deposit, he saw ruin
+staring him in the face. It was useless to argue the matter with
+Anderson. It was nearly morning when the men separated. At eight o'clock
+Alfred was at the office awaiting Mr. Anderson's arrival. Anderson was
+still more dejected than the night before.
+
+"What amount of money do you require?" asked Alfred.
+
+"Three thousand dollars."
+
+"Will that see you through and put the show out?" was Alfred's next
+question.
+
+"With what I've got I can get through on that."
+
+"Well, I'll let you have it."
+
+Ben Wallace is a money-getter and would win success in any business.
+However, the President of the Wabash Valley Trust Company, the owner of
+the Hagenback-Wallace Shows, with the finest winter quarters of any show
+in the country, with hundreds of acres of the most productive farming
+land in Miami County, Ind., will never know until he reads these pages
+the narrow margin by which the show was saved, insofar as Anderson was
+concerned.
+
+Lewis Sells was a peculiar man in many respects and one must thoroughly
+understand his composition to appreciate him. His educational advantages
+were limited. From a street car conductor to an auctioneer, showman and
+capitalist, were the gradations of his career. He was conservative and
+sagacious, a faithful friend, and, like Uncle Henry, and most men who
+have tasted of the bitter and prospered by their own exertions, a candid
+hater. The after years of his life were made unpleasant by a heartless
+robbery perpetrated by those near him. The loss of the money, some
+thirty thousand dollars, was as nothing compared to the chagrin over the
+fact that those who committed the theft were enabled to cover their work
+so completely the law could not reach them. He fretted that they robbed
+him at the end of his long and successful career.
+
+For several months Alfred filled the position of General Agent for the
+Sells Brothers Combined Shows, to the complete satisfaction of all the
+Brothers and the disappointment of many subordinates.
+
+It is not wealth nor ancestry, but honorable conduct and a noble
+disposition that makes men great. Peter Sells was a great man. He would
+have graced any profession or calling. In all his life he was affable
+and congenial. When he was prosperous he was not imperious or haughty.
+When he was oppressed he was not meek. Suffering as few men have
+suffered he refused to wreak that vengeance upon the destroyers of his
+home, man is justified in--take a doubled-barreled shot gun and inform
+those who have wronged you that the world is not large enough for both.
+This was the advice of one who stood by Peter Sells in all his troubles.
+Another took him to the country, engaged in shooting at a mark with a
+forty-four Smith & Wesson, intimating that he could settle all his
+troubles by dealing out the punishment those who had broken up his home
+deserved.
+
+Peter, with a calmness that was most impressive replied: "I'll commit no
+crime. There comes a time in the life of every human being that their
+life is lived over. It is in that hour when the coffin lid is shut down.
+Just before the funeral when earth has seen the last of you, your life
+is lived over in the conversation which recounts your deeds upon earth.
+I will do no forgiving, but I will do no killing."
+
+In comparison with the loss of a wife, all other bereavements pale. She
+has filled so large a sphere in your life you think of the past when
+your lives were entwined, of the days when life was a beautiful pathway
+of flowers. The sun shone on the flowers, the stars hung overhead. You
+think of her now as you thought of her then in all the gentleness of her
+beauty. You think of her now as the mother of your child. No thorns are
+remembered. The heart whose beat measured an eternity of love to you
+lies under your feet but the love of her still lives in your being. You
+forget the injury, you forget the disgrace, you forget all of the
+present, only remembering the happiness of the past. You know she lives
+in a world where sunshine has been overshadowed by clouds, yet you love
+her all the more, although to you she is even further removed than by
+death.
+
+Such were the last days of Peter Sells. It is well the old way of
+satisfying honor is giving way. Yet with all its brutality it had the
+merit of protecting the home. Only those who were close to Peter Sells
+knew of the burden he bore, the weight of sorrow that cut short a life
+that has left its impress of nobleness upon all who were privileged to
+share his confidence and friendship.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
+
+    In the land of the sage and the cottonwood,
+      The cactus plant and the sand,
+    When you've just dropped in from the effete East
+      There's a greeting that's simply grand;
+    It's when some giant comes up to you,
+      With a hand that weighs a ton,
+    And cries as he smites you on the back;
+      "Why, you derned old son of a gun!"
+
+
+Texas, quoting Col. Bailey of the _Houston Post_, "is a symphony, a vast
+hunk of mellifluence, an eternal melody of loveliness, a grand anthem of
+agglomerated and majestic beneficence. Texas is heaven on earth and sea
+and sky set to music."
+
+With ample room to spare, Texas would accommodate either
+Austria-Hungary, Germany and France; and if it were populated as thickly
+as is Belgium it would have a population of over 265,000,000.
+
+The State of Texas could accommodate comfortably the people of all the
+European nations.
+
+Texas was wild and woolly when Alfred first toured it with a wagon show.
+Weatherford was away out west; Dallas was in its swaddling clothes and
+Houston was a village. Hunting was good just over the corporation line
+and there was no closed season on anything. Charley Gibbs and Henry
+Greenwall owned the State. Charley Highsmith was a schoolboy; he had
+never owned a dog or looked along the barrels of a double-barreled gun.
+Mike Conley was setting type in a printing office run by hand, and Bill
+Sterritt was the printer's devil, excepting when ducks were coming in.
+Ben McCullough was the only railroad man in north Texas, and George
+Green the only Republican in the State. Jake Zurn had not left Germany
+and Jim Hogg was a cowboy.
+
+A pair of Texas ponies, an open buggy, a doubled-barreled shotgun, two
+dogs and an invalid, were Alfred's constant companions on that tour of
+Texas. The invalid who was touring Texas for his health, was a relative
+of the managers, a German, refined and scholarly, a high class
+gentleman.
+
+This was the introduction:
+
+"Alfred, Mr. Smith is not well. The doctor advised that he live in the
+open. He is my guest and I want him to ride with you. I am sure you will
+like him. I want this trip to benefit his health. You have the best team
+with the company. You can make the route in half the time it requires
+the show to drive it. Sleep late in the morning."
+
+Despite this advice, the invalid and Alfred were well on their way by
+daylight almost every morning, nor did they make the routes in half the
+time the show did. It was more frequently the reverse, particularly if
+the shooting was good. The invalid was the wellest sick-man companion
+ever toured with. His cheeks were sallow, low in flesh, but the spirit
+was there. It was a case of the invalid looking after the nurse. The
+vast plains were covered with cattle--Texas steers. The invalid
+marvelled at their numbers. While Alfred was scouring the prairie with
+dog and gun the invalid would stand erect in the buggy, on the road
+side, computing the number of Texas steers within sight. How the cattle
+men separated their droves, claiming their cattle, was a wonderment.
+Cowboys and Texas steers was a theme on which the invalid never tired
+talking. Texas steers were a hobby with him. He would talk with cowboys
+for hours, collecting information.
+
+Many nights the circus people in making long drives between exhibiting
+points were compelled to sleep in their wagons, tents, or anywhere they
+could find shelter. This sort of life soon brought bronze to the
+invalid's cheeks and strength to his body.
+
+Pidcock's Ranch, embraced several thousand acres of land, a house with
+four rooms and porch or veranda. All the house was given over to the
+ladies. Alfred explained to the manager of the ranch that he had in
+charge an invalid and requested the ranchman to do the best he could for
+them in the way of sleeping quarters. The ranchman arranged a
+comfortable bed on the porch for the invalid and Alfred, advising they
+would be compelled to sit up until the ladies retired. All had long
+retired ere the invalid put in an appearance. The invalid invariably
+found congenial company--cowboys, cattlemen or rangers. Each night
+finding his way to bed he would awaken Alfred to explain something new
+as to Texas steers. The invalid had dispatched two cowboys thirty miles
+for refreshments. The invalid did not part from his guests until late.
+Alfred's wife had sent him a birthday present, a pair of night-shirts
+worked with red braid, and he was very proud of them. The invalid on
+retiring commented again on the beauty of Alfred's hand-painted
+night-shirts and the immensity of the droves of Texas steers.
+
+Sleeping in the open on the porch, their slumbers were deep. Awaking
+late, Alfred's face felt drawn up. It was as though it was puckered out
+of all shape. Placing his hand on a substance as large as a hulled
+hickory nut, it was with some little difficulty peeled from his face. A
+dozen other lumps of similar size were scattered over his ample
+countenance. Glancing at the invalid whose face was adorned with a full
+set of whiskers, Alfred discovered they were liberally sprinkled with
+the whitish-grayish substance that adorned his own face and the front of
+his decorated night garments. Prying loose another lump, Alfred, holding
+the substance at arm's length, scrutinizing it closely, endeavoring to
+analyze it. A "cluck-cluck" caused him to look aloft and there, on a
+beam, sat ten or twelve contented "dominicker" hens. He could discern
+but half of their bodies--that part that goes over the fence last.
+Rudely awaking the invalid, Alfred brushing, picking and pinching the
+white and greenish bumps from face and night-shirt, indulging in
+language not proper even on a Texas ranch, he slowly worked his way to
+the watering trough (the only bathing facility), followed by the
+invalid, who was parting his whiskers to free them from the hidden
+lumps, meanwhile endeavoring to console Alfred: "Never mindt, Alfred.
+Never mindt. Your shirt vill vash all right, und my viskers, too,"
+parting his whiskers and dumping a few more deposits, he remarked: "It's
+purty badt I know, but, Alfred, it might a bin wusser. 'Ust s'posin' dem
+schickens roostin' over us hadt been Texas steers."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"The sooner a man goes into business, the sooner he will be able to
+retire; that is, if he is baked done. If he ain't, he better let
+somebody do business for him. My boy, it's better to go into business
+too young than too old. If you happen to spill the beans, you've got the
+vim to pick them up again."
+
+"Well, Uncle Henry, if I have good luck this season, I'm going to make a
+break for myself."
+
+"Good luck, huh? If you're lookin' for luck to help you, you'll be so
+near-sighted you can't see a business chance across a narrow alley. If
+luck got you anything you might. There ain't no luck coming to any man
+that waits on it. Every man that's got any get-up in him always has bad
+luck. He brings it on himself, then he just beats luck out. There ain't
+no good luck. It's grit and judgment agin dam-fool notions. And grit and
+judgment wins out nearly every time. I'd rather drive a bad bargain than
+drive a dray. You can drive a dozen bargains a day. You can drive only
+one dray. One of your bargains may buck, the other eleven win out. A
+minstrel show is alright, but, mind, it's a lifetime job, going into
+business. You ought to know what you're doing. But, I'd thought you'd go
+into the circus business."
+
+"Well, I would, Uncle Henry, but I haven't got the capital. It takes
+more money than I ever hope to possess. Besides, I want a business
+wherein I can make a reputation for myself."
+
+"You better go into a business where you can make money. The reputation
+will make itself. If you can't make money, you can't make reputation."
+
+"But it's my ambition to have the biggest minstrel show in the country."
+
+"Well, you do that which you feel would be the most agreeable to you.
+When I went into the grocery business in Burlington, everybody behind my
+back predicted I would lose out. Everybody told me to my face I'd win
+out. Make up your mind to stand on your own judgment."
+
+Sam Flickinger, editor of the _Ohio State Journal_, wrote the first
+mention of the Al. G. Field Minstrels. He gave Alfred desk room in the
+job office of the _Journal_, of which he was manager and editor. The
+first advertising for the Al. G. Field Minstrels was printed in the job
+office of the _Ohio State Journal_. The dates and small bills have been
+printed in that office, or the successors of it, ever since.
+
+Almost every one of Alfred's friends advised him to abandon the idea of
+entering the minstrel business. His family were all opposed to it.
+
+This was the manner in which Alfred's declaration as to going into
+business seemed to be received by his friends.
+
+Col. Reppert of the B. & O. assured Alfred he would send him a ticket to
+any point he might require it from. Billy McDermott, probably fearing
+the Colonel might not get the ticket to him, presented Alfred with a
+pair of broad-soled low-heeled walking shoes.
+
+There was one staunch friend whose words were always encouraging.
+"You're right, old boy. I wish you all the success you so richly
+deserve. Never mind the knockers. You're in right. You'll make it go."
+Thus did Bill Hunter of the Penna. R. R. encourage Alfred. Alfred often
+declared Bill a level-headed man, one who would be heard from later.
+
+Frank Field was the city passenger agent of the Penna. R. R. Frank and
+Bill were very kindly disposed towards show folks. They carried a troupe
+on their own account over the Penna. Lines. They were security for the
+fares to the amount of a couple of hundred dollars. The troupe stranded
+Bill held the musical instruments. The instruments were taken to the
+city ticket office, concealed under the counter. Bill and Frank were
+"stuck." They endeavored to dispose of the horns to Alfred. Alfred joked
+Bill frequently, advising him to organize a band, and learn to play one
+of the horns. This "guying" did not alter Bill's attitude towards
+Alfred's enterprise. He was even more optimistic as to its success. Bill
+would slap Alfred on the back, saying: "Never mind the salary you are
+leaving. You'll make more money with this minstrel show in a year than
+you would on salary in two."
+
+Alfred from the first day he began his minstrel career sought to
+introduce new ideas; not to do things as they had been done. He was the
+first to uniform the parade. The costumes were long, light-colored,
+newmarket overcoats, black velvet collar, stylishly patterned. They were
+very attractive overcoats, contrasting effectively with the red
+broadcloth, gold-trimmed band uniforms.
+
+The company rehearsed in Columbus and opened at Marion, Ohio, October 6,
+1886. The opening day was a dismal, rainy, fall day, just verging on
+winter. Alfred's good friends gathered in the union depot at Columbus to
+bid the minstrels Godspeed, although they traveled on another line. Bill
+Hunter was at the depot to see them off. The genteel appearance of the
+troupe, especially the overcoats, were favorably commented upon. Bill
+shook hands with each member of the company as they entered the car.
+When the last man was aboard, when the last good-bye had been spoken,
+Barney McCabe remarked to those assembled: "I don't know what kind of a
+show Alfred's got, but they have the finest overcoats that ever went out
+of this depot." Bill, winking at Barney, said: "I'll have 'em all before
+two weeks. If he makes money with this troupe, he can ketch bass with
+biscuits."
+
+Another of Alfred's innovations was a large amount of scenery and
+properties. Each piece of baggage was marked with bright letters, "The
+Al. G. Field Minstrels."
+
+The afterpiece, "The Lime Kiln Club," was quite a pretentious affair for
+a minstrel company in those days. The stage setting, representing the
+interior of a Lodge, required antiquated furniture such as could not be
+hired in the one night stands. Therefore, the minstrels carried all this
+furniture, a large sheet-iron wood stove with lengths of stovepipe. Not
+until the last trunk was loaded onto the baggage wagon, did Alfred leave
+the depot that first morning. Walking slowly along the street, keeping
+pace with the heavy wagon, proud of the new trunks with the plainly
+painted names on each, the furniture for "The Lime Kiln Club," with the
+stove and stovepipe atop of all, the wagon passed up the street.
+
+While passing a building in course of erection, the workmen ceased their
+labors to gaze at the wagon. A plasterer with limey overalls gazed at
+the wagon intently until it passed by. Turning to his fellow workmen,
+pushing his hands in his pockets deeper, and shrugging his shoulders, he
+sympathetically remarked: "Hit's mighty cole weather fur flittin'. I
+allus feel sorry for pore folks as has tu move in cole weather." Looking
+down the street from where the wagon came he continued: "I wonder whar
+the folks is. Walkin' to keep warm, I reckon. I hope they hain't any
+children." Thereafter, Alfred ordered the odd furniture, stovepipe and
+stove loaded in the bottom of the wagon.
+
+A heavy rain interfered with the attendance the opening night. In the
+excitement, Alfred did not realize that he had lost money. It was only
+after the second night--Upper Sandusky--that he figured the first two
+nights were unprofitable. Chas. Alvin Davis, of Alvin Joslin fame, and
+his manager, were visitors the second night. The receipts at Bucyrus
+were very light, and to pile up troubles for the new minstrel manager, a
+boy connected with the theatre stole from Alfred's clothes in the
+dressing room all his private funds. The empty pocket-book was found in
+an ash-barrel at the rear of the boy's residence, yet the police did not
+feel it was sufficient evidence to warrant the arrest of the young
+scamp.
+
+The fourth night, at Mansfield, rain, hail, sleet and snow, such as Ohio
+had never experienced at that season of the year, (October 10), made the
+streets impassable. The minstrels played to a very meager audience.
+After all bills were paid the company had thirty-seven dollars in the
+treasury.
+
+Several friends in Columbus assured Alfred that if he ran short he could
+draw on them. Alfred had learned six weeks was the most lengthened
+period any of his friends gave him to keep the company afloat.
+
+"He's ruined. All his savings gone, he will be worse off than when he
+began life." This was the comment of one of his dearest friends.
+
+Leaving Mansfield at midnight, arriving at Ashland, Alfred, that he
+might not have the night lodging to pay, sat in the depot until
+daylight, then sauntered to the hotel. Thirty-seven dollars in the
+treasury, cold and snowing. Alfred debated in his mind as to whether he
+should telegraph his friends in Columbus for assistance. His decision
+was: "No, I will not humble myself. I'll pull through some way. Besides,
+I have invested my own money in this concern. If I lose it, it's gone. I
+can earn more. If I borrow money and lose, I'm in debt."
+
+He didn't know he could do it. He wasn't sure he could pull the show
+through. He had heard and seen the sneers and smiles of incredulity. He
+remembered Uncle Henry's advice:
+
+"If you haven't got the stuff in you to stand alone and fight for
+yourself, you're wasting time trying to do business. Being smart is only
+half of it. Being game is the other half. The biggest persimmons are
+atop of the tree. You've got to climb to get them. There are times when
+you'll have to hold on by your finger tips. But if you're not game
+enough to take the risk, you don't deserve what's up at the top. The
+cowards are standing under the tree waiting for the persimmons to fall.
+There's so many of them they have to fight harder to get those that fall
+to the ground than the game fellow that climbs the tree. Men will pull
+you down, tramp on you, in their endeavors to climb over you. It's the
+selfish idea of many men they can build up more rapidly if they tear
+down. They'll block your game, they'll lie about you, they'll not only
+throw you down but they'll sit on you, and hold you down, until you
+gather force to squirm from under. You'll never suffer as much when you
+have the least as you do when the grit has leaked out of you. The man
+who climbs the tree from the bottom to the top is never licked. If they
+pull him down he will start from the bottom again. Poverty cannot ruin
+him. It's only a check. He has less fear than those who have had a
+ladder placed against the tree for them to climb up. Believe in
+yourself. Take everything that belongs to you. Take your licking but
+don't sell out to cowardice. When your grit's gone you're done for."
+
+A thin, a very thin partition between the room he occupied and that of
+two of his principal people, Alfred was compelled to play the role of
+eavesdropper again.
+
+"He won't pull through. I am sorry I joined the show, I throwed away a
+good engagement to accept this one. I'm stuck again. This thing won't
+last a week. I'm going to get away at the first opportunity." It was one
+of a talented team of musicians. They not only did a fine specialty but
+doubled in the band. The one talking was the manager of the act. Alfred
+held a contract with the trio. He had fulfilled all the requirements of
+it and they owed him considerable money, advanced for hotel bills during
+rehearsals, railroad fares, etc. He lay on the bed debating with himself
+what to do, enter the room and throw the talker out of the window, or
+have him arrested.
+
+"I heard Field tell his treasurer he had no money. I'm going to skip.
+Take my word for it, we're all up against it."
+
+The other replied: "Well, I owe the company a lot of money. I'll stick
+until I see how it goes."
+
+Alfred was on fire. He would die rather than fail. The following day was
+Sunday. This would entail extra expense. Basing his calculations upon
+receipts in other cities, he feared he would not have funds to carry the
+company to Akron, the next exhibition point.
+
+He accidently met a Columbus man, a minister, Reverend Messie, the
+pastor of the church where Alfred's family worshipped. He had recently
+officiated at the wedding of Alfred's sister; he felt he had met a
+friend from home. He decided to lay his troubles before the good man but
+weakened at the beginning. Instead he inquired as to whether the
+minister was acquainted with a banker in the city. The minister
+accompanied Alfred to a bank and had Alfred requested him, to make a
+favorable talk for him, the good man could not have said more.
+
+"This is Mr. Field, a friend and neighbor of mine. He has not acquainted
+me with the nature of his business with you, but he is responsible, owns
+property in Columbus and bears an excellent reputation."
+
+The banker invited the minstrel into his private office. Alfred made a
+statement of his affairs, dwelling strongly on the robbery at Bucyrus,
+exhibiting newspaper clippings to substantiate his statements.
+
+"Let us see what your liabilities are. Going over them, there were none.
+Nearly all of the company were indebted for money advanced. I can't see
+where you are in any financial trouble. You have no debts following you,
+have you?"
+
+"None," answered Alfred.
+
+"Well, what is the trouble?"
+
+"It's like this," the minstrel explained. "We've done no business since
+we opened. I have lost money at every stand. I have but thirty-seven
+dollars on hand. It's a big jump to Akron. I am sure, I'll require a
+little money, not much. If it hadn't been for that touch at Bucyrus I'd
+be all right."
+
+"You'll do business here. It's the best minstrel town in Ohio. Primrose
+& West did fairly well, although our people didn't know them. Hi Henry
+packed the house."
+
+"I fear people do not know us," sighed Alfred.
+
+"Well, I'll introduce you--they will know you."
+
+Alfred had ended every statement with the wail that if he had not been
+robbed in Bucyrus he would be all right.
+
+"The bank closes at noon. Come around, take lunch with me, I'll see you
+to Akron. Don't worry. I fear you're a bit shaky. You are just starting
+in business, you require confidence."
+
+"If it hadn't been for the touch at Bucyrus, I'd have been all right,"
+ruefully remarked Alfred.
+
+The President and Alfred made a round of the business houses of the
+town.
+
+"This is Mr. Field, the minstrel man, one of our people. His home is in
+Columbus. I just bought four seats. The seats are going pretty fast. I
+want you to be there tonight. Have you got your tickets?"
+
+No one seemed to have taken the precaution to buy seats in advance
+although all declared they were going. Rarely did the callers leave a
+place until those called upon had reserved their seats. It was not long
+until the seat sale assured Alfred it would not be necessary to
+negotiate a loan.
+
+"I would have helped you out if you had needed the money," declared the
+banker, "but I knew we could hustle a bit and fill the house."
+
+The gentleman was a good story-teller. Alfred was in a rare good humor.
+He had a fund of stories new to the banker. The fact of the robbery in
+Bucyrus was detailed to every business man they called upon. All
+sympathized with Alfred. "Bucyrus is a tough town," several remarked.
+"You'll never get your money," another declared. "Be more careful if you
+ever go there again."
+
+When about to separate, the banker in a kindly manner assured Alfred
+that he was only too glad to have been of service to him. He spoke
+encouragingly of the future. "If you have a good show, you are sure to
+pull through. I wouldn't carry a great amount of money on my person
+hereafter if I were you. Be careful. Do not have a repetition of the
+Bucyrus affair. How much did they get from you over there?"
+
+"Sixty dollars." The words were scarcely uttered until the banker
+bursted into a fit of laughter. Alfred had never been accused of
+destiny, but he could not realize what there was in the admission to so
+excite the man's mirth. Had the gentleman known what sixty dollars meant
+to him at that time, it would not have seemed so funny. From the fact
+that Alfred had dwelt so strongly on the theft of his money, with the
+constantly repeated statement that "if it had not been for the robbery,
+he would have been all right," the moneyed man had gained the idea he
+had lost several hundred dollars; hence his mirth.
+
+At Akron the minstrels did capacity business. Warren and Youngstown were
+equally satisfactory as were New Castle and Steubenville. Wheeling was
+the first city wherein opposition was encountered. Wilson & Rankin's
+Minstrels were billed at the Opera House, the Field Company at the Grand
+Opera House. When the Wilson & Rankin party started on their parade, the
+other company followed in their wake. Wilson shouted to the bystanders
+in front of the McClure House, "War! War!"
+
+This opposition embittered George Wilson and for years the two companies
+waged a relentless war, which never ceased until Mr. Wilson disbanded
+his company. Carl Rankin, who was a Columbus boy and an old friend of
+Alfred's called on Alfred. He advised that he was dissatisfied with his
+surroundings and a tentative partnership agreement was entered into for
+the next season. However, the arrangements went no further as Mr.
+Rankin's health failed him rapidly and it was not long until minstrelsy
+lost one of the most versatile performers that ever adorned it.
+
+Since the conversation overheard in Ashland, Alfred had not spoken to
+the manager of the musical act. The telegraph wires were carrying
+messages daily seeking an act to take the place of the dissatisfied one.
+At Zanesville, just before the matinee, (Zanesville was the first city
+wherein the Al. G. Field Minstrels appeared in a matinee), Alfred called
+the manager of the musical act to his dressing room.
+
+"Mr. Turner, it has come to me that you intended leaving this company.
+Therefore, I have engaged an act to take your place; you can leave after
+tonight's performance, or as soon thereafter as it suits your
+convenience."
+
+"Why, Mr. Field, I did not intend to leave your company. Who so advised
+you? I never told anyone I intended leaving."
+
+"Now Bob, don't deny it. I heard you say you were going to leave the
+company, that you had no confidence in the stability of the enterprise.
+Your talk came at a time when I was feeling pretty blue and it hurt.
+Judging from your talk you are an undesirable man to have around and I
+certainly am glad to dispense with your services."
+
+The man threatened legal proceedings. Alfred was obdurate. The man was
+tendered his salary. He refused to sign a receipt. Alfred ordered the
+treasurer to give him his money without his signature to a receipt. The
+other two members of the act protested vigorously. They presented their
+case in this manner: "We were working for Bob. He owned the act. We
+like the show; we like you. It's the middle of the season. We are liable
+to be idle for months. We don't think we should be discharged for the
+threats of Bob. We can't control his mouth. Mr. Field, if you discharge
+every performer who indulges in idle talk, you won't have anybody around
+you."
+
+"Boys, I do not propose to discharge anyone for idle talk but I won't
+keep a traitor in this camp. You remain with the company. I will pay you
+the same salary you have been receiving just to play in the band and sit
+in the first part."
+
+With varying success the first season progressed. But never a salary day
+that the "white specter" did not perambulate. Every obligation met
+promptly, a few folks began to take notice of the new show, persons who
+had held their faces the other way. The manager was forced to practice
+the greatest economy. There was a few weeks around Christmas time when
+his shoes leaked. After Christmas he purchased two pair of shoes,
+preparing for future contingencies. Smallpox was raging through
+Minnesota and Wisconsin, many cities were quarantined. At LaCrosse,
+Winona, Rochester and Eau Claire, the people would not go to the
+theatre; hence, the show was a big loser. At Hudson, Wis., a big lumber
+camp in those days, the gross receipts were the least the company ever
+played to--just sixteen dollars--a few cents less than the receipts of
+Alfred's first show in Redstone School-house. Alfred requested the
+manager of the Opera House to dismiss the audience. The manager refused
+to listen to the proposition. He contended it was Saturday night, and
+that many would drop in. They failed to drop in or to be pushed in.
+However, Alfred has always felt grateful to that manager. No audience
+was ever dismissed by the Al. G. Field Greater Minstrels in all the
+years of their existence, although an engagement in Atlanta, Ga., was
+curtailed.
+
+The company opened to an over-flowing house. The advance sale for the
+remainder of the engagement was gratifying. Henry Grady, the famous
+journalist and orator, after delivering a speech that electrified not
+only the Boston audience that listened to it, but the nation, had died.
+Atlanta and the entire south was stricken with sorrow. The minstrel
+manager was intimately acquainted with Mr. Grady. Mr. Grady was one of
+the promoters of the Piedmont Exposition. Peter Sells was one of Mr.
+Grady's admirers, and as a courtesy to him had loaned the exposition a
+flock of ostriches; which was one of the attractive features of that
+most memorable exposition. Alfred was entrusted with the details
+pertaining to the transaction. Mr. Grady had been very courteous to
+Alfred. There never was a man who knew Henry Grady that did not admire
+his charming personality. Therefore, when Mr. De Give suggested the
+engagement of the minstrels end and the theatre be closed out of respect
+to the memory of Mr. Grady, Alfred promptly acquiesced.
+
+The closing of this engagement was a sacrifice that Alfred felt greatly
+at the time. It meant pecuniary loss that was embarrassing to him, yet
+there never was a moment he regretted his action.
+
+It was the beginning of friendships that have endured all the years
+since. Not only the success attending his annual visits to Atlanta, but
+the associations are of that pleasant character that make a stranger
+feel he is in the home of his friends.
+
+Capt. Forrest Adair, one of Atlanta's foremost citizens, journeys each
+year to the annual banquets celebrating the birthday of the Al. G. Field
+Greater Minstrels. He is as well known and as greatly respected by every
+member of the organization as by Alfred.
+
+The first season the profits were not great, although on the right side
+of the ledger. The opposition of family and friends continued. "Abandon
+the minstrels, go back to a salary." Alfred was considered bull headed,
+contrary, without judgment, etc. However, nothing swerved him. He
+announced to all he would continue in the minstrel business.
+
+George Knott, (Doc.) and Gov. Campbell were the agents of the Al. G.
+Field Minstrels the first season. Gov. Campbell's folks once resided in
+Woodville. The citizens united in their endeavors to have him bring his
+minstrels to the town. There had never been a minstrel entertainment
+presented in the town previously and none since. The hotel man had
+undertaken the building of a hall. All sorts of inducements were held
+out in the letter received by Alfred. Terms were satisfactorily
+arranged, a date scheduled and the minstrels billed to appear in
+Woodville.
+
+A narrow-gauge railroad, a train with a disabled engine and a disgusted
+minstrel troupe arrived at 3 p. m., six hours late. Charles Sweeny, the
+stage manager, came swiftly into the dining room, leaning over Alfred,
+he whispered: "There's no stage, no scenery, no seats. Just a bare hall.
+No reserved sale. There's--" only thus far did Sweeny get in his
+enumeration of his troubles until Alfred was searching for the manager.
+He hurriedly inquired of the hotel man as he left the dining room,
+without his dinner, as to the place of business of the manager of the
+theater. The hotel man gazed at him in blank surprise. Alfred, in his
+impatience, did not await an answer. Rushing up the principal street of
+the village, he inquired of several persons as to where he could locate
+the manager of the theater. Finally the postmaster, in answer to his
+impatient questions, said: "You will not find any particular manager as
+he ain't got to that yet. He's just built a room and thar's nuthin' in
+it. He's at the hotel down yonder." It began to dawn upon Alfred that
+the landlord of the hotel was the man he was looking for.
+
+"Lord, young man. If I'd known you was lookin' for me, I'd told you
+quicker, who I was. I'm no theater manager."
+
+"But you wrote me you had a theater. I am here with my company ready to
+give a performance and you have neither stage nor scenery in your hall.
+How do you expect me to put the show on?"
+
+"Why! don't you carry your stage and scenery?" the man asked, in candid
+surprise.
+
+"Certainly not. And you should know it. You haven't even got a seat sale
+on."
+
+The hotel man began to get excited. "What the hell have I got to do with
+selling tickets? If you don't carry your own tickets you're a purty
+cheap concern. I don't propose to be brow-beaten by you. If you don't
+like the place the road runs both ways out of it." And he walked away
+from the minstrel man in high dudgeon.
+
+Seats were borrowed from the Court House, the Methodist Church, the
+hotel, anywhere they could be secured. A half dozen carpenters were
+working on the improvised stage until the minute the curtain went up.
+The dining room of the hotel was converted into a dressing room. After
+supper was served the minstrel trunks were placed in the dining room.
+Pickles, crackers, ginger snaps, etc., were all in place on the table
+for an early morning breakfast. The minstrels ate the tables bare,
+ransacked cupboards and sideboards in kitchen and dining room, feasting
+and frolicking during the performance.
+
+The bar adjoined the dining room. The minstrels blackened and in their
+stage attire, they said to the peg-legged barkeeper: "These are on me;
+I've got on my other clothes; I'll settle after the show."
+
+The dressing, or dining room, was about twenty yards from the stage of
+the hall. As there was no stage door, (only a front door in the hall),
+the minstrel men were obliged to enter by a window. The sash taken out,
+leaned against the wall. In the piano chorus of a most pathetic ballad,
+both window sashes fell over. The crashing glass brought the entire
+audience to their feet. The hall owner stepped over the low footlights
+onto the stage, brushing the semi-circle of surprised minstrels to one
+side. Disappearing behind the curtain, he reappeared in an instant,
+bearing in either hand a window sash with shattered bits of glass
+sticking here and there. Crossing the stage, at the instant the
+interlocutor announced the singing of the reigning song success,
+"There's a Light in the Window for You," placing the sash in front of
+the stage, he seated himself.
+
+The stage, or platform, was very low. The sash stuck up several inches
+above the footlights. Harry Bulger, in one of his dances purposely
+kicked them over again. Down they fell among the musicians. Mr.
+Hall-owner was again to the rescue, this time triumphantly bearing the
+sash to the rear of the hall.
+
+Alfred looked after the front of the house as well as his stage work.
+Remaining at the door until he had barely time to make up, he requested
+the hall owner to take tickets until he returned, and not to permit any
+to enter without tickets.
+
+The hall man promised not to permit any to enter without tickets. Alfred
+sang a song, "Hello, Baby, Here's Your Daddy," the title of it. The
+dozen end men, during the chorus, drew from under their chairs large
+dolls with blackened faces. Each burlesqued a person handling a baby
+awkwardly. As Alfred took his seat his eyes went anxiously to the door.
+It was closed. No one entered all the while he was on the stage. At the
+end of the baby song, it was customary for Alfred to cast a big ugly
+doll, with the words "Here's Your Daddy," into the audience. One of the
+company dudishly attired was seated in the audience to catch the doll,
+leave the house, pretending to be greatly embarrassed. The audience
+usually howled. The baby was flung in the direction of the member of the
+company. Unfortunately, it had to pass over the head of the manager of
+the hall. Jumping up, reaching into the air much as an expert baseball
+player does in pulling down a hot one, he pulled the baby down. Holding
+it upside down, he flung it towards Alfred. Anxious to save the scene,
+with all his force Alfred flung it towards the young man of the company,
+who stood waiting to play his part. But again the hall man jumped
+between and caught the baby. By one foot he swung it about his head a
+couple of times; the head and arms of the rag doll flew towards Alfred,
+striking the stage at his feet. The man holding the legs and all that
+part of the baby below the belt, waved it aloft. Meanwhile the audience
+was encouraging him with shouts of approval.
+
+Concluding his stage work, hastening towards the door, not even delaying
+to change his costume or remove the black from his face, he vigorously
+beckoned the hall man to him. Walking towards the door, Alfred poured
+forth a torrent of peevish abuse:
+
+"Why, you wrote me all sorts of letters that people were crazy mad for a
+minstrel show and there's not fifty dollars in the house."
+
+The landlord doubted this statement. "Not fifty dollars in the house,
+huh? Why, there's men in thar," and he jerked his head towards the
+audience, "there's men in thar with three hundred dollars in thar
+pockets right now. Don't you think you're in a poverty-struck place. Our
+people have all got money." Thrusting his hands deep into his pockets,
+jingling keys and coins.
+
+"I mean the tickets do not represent fifty dollars so far. I'm in good
+and deep and you are the cause of it."
+
+"I find nothing to do business with. I ask you as a last request to
+watch the door for me. You leave the door and every jay will walk in."
+
+"Oh no, they won't," interrupted Mr. Hall-man. "They won't get in this
+hall without paying."
+
+"Why, what in thunder is to hinder them? The whole town could walk in
+without paying one cent."
+
+[Illustration: He Waved the Key]
+
+"I'll be durned if they could," ejaculated Mr. Hall-man, and he waved
+the key of the door triumphantly at Alfred. The man had actually locked
+the door. When opened, there were some dozen seeking admission. Many
+left in disgust.
+
+There was a bill for lights of glass, and numerous drinks at the bar
+presented to Alfred. The glass he settled for, informing the hotel man
+he did not pay bar-bills. The barkeeper could not recognize any one of
+the performers in their street attire.
+
+He assured Alfred "the hull pack of niggers with you jus' drank and
+drank and only a few paid. The bill don't amount to much, so far as enny
+one of the men is concerned; but one gal, one nigger gal, jus' treated
+right and left. If we could get what she owes, I'd let the rest go." The
+barkeeper referred to Harry Bulger.
+
+Alfred's great desire was to present his minstrel show in his old home
+town, Brownsville. The stage in Jeffries' Hall was too small to
+accommodate the minstrels. Therefore, one of Alfred's boyhood friends,
+Levi Waggoner, arranged to play the minstrels in the skating rink. Levi
+was one of the boys who had stood by the old town through all its
+changes and become one of its substantial citizens. Awake to every
+business opportunity, he had not only seated the floor space of the rink
+but builded circus seats against the rear wall.
+
+Alfred was not in the old town an hour until it became imperative that
+he should seek protection from his friends. He delegated one of the
+company, one who was noted for his staying qualities, to represent him.
+Every man met, no matter how old, claimed to be a schoolboy friend of
+Alfred's. "There goes another old friend of Alf's" became a by-word long
+before night.
+
+"Spider" Pomeroy, six feet six then, when a boy, (he has grown some
+since), celebrated Alfred's return more uproariously than any one person
+in the town. Alfred supplied him with a ticket early in the morning. By
+noon "Spider" had obtained six tickets, always claiming he had lost the
+other one. When the doors opened, "Spider" ran over the small boys in
+his way, brushed the ticket taker aside, entering without a ticket he
+perched himself on the top of Lee Wagoner's improvised circus seats, his
+legs doubled up until his knees stuck up on either side above his head
+like a grasshopper.
+
+He sat through the first part. The minstrel with the staying qualities
+was laboring with a monologue. "Spider", after his strenuous day, was
+sleeping off his exuberance. At the dullest part in the monologist's
+offering, "Spider" let go all holds. The skating rink was built on
+piles, over the river's bank. One walking on the floor, their footsteps
+awakened echoes. When "Spider" hit that floor--and he hit it with all
+his frame--legs, arms, feet and head, all at one time, it sounded as if
+the building had collapsed. All were on their feet looking towards the
+back of the rink. As "Spider" lit, the monologist shouted: "There goes
+another old friend of Alf's." It came in pat. The audience grasped it
+and the monologist established a reputation for originality. "There goes
+another old friend of Alf's" is a common saying in Brownsville until
+this day.
+
+The property man that first season was a German, new in the minstrel
+game. He is now a capitalist and probably would not relish the
+disclosing of his name.
+
+Chas. Sweeny, the stage manager, was a stickler for realism. In the
+burlesque of "The Lime Kiln Club," one climax was the sound of a cat
+fight on the roof. The cats were supposed to fall through the skylight.
+Every member of the lodge was supposed to have his dog with him--colored
+people are fond of dogs. When the cats fall into the lodge room, every
+dog goes after them. Fake, or dummy cats were prepared for the scene
+and used during rehearsals. The first night Sweeny ordered Gus, the
+property man, to procure two live cats. Gus, stationed on a very high
+step-ladder in the wings, at the cue was to throw the cats on the stage.
+Gus was heard to remark: "You all better hurry or send some von to
+manage one of dese cats." The cat fight was heard on the roof. The glass
+in the skylight was heard to break. The cats were, with great
+difficulty, flung by Gus. They clawed and held onto him. The long
+step-ladder was rocking like a slender tree in a gale. One cat left the
+hands of Gus, alighting with all four feet on Sweeny's neck, with a
+spring that sent it out over the heads of the orchestra to the fourth or
+fifth row in the parquet. The cat left its marks on Sweeny's neck and
+the scars are there today as plain as twenty-seven years ago. As Gus
+flung the second cat the exertion was too much for him. He followed on
+the step-ladder, overturning Brother Gardner and the stove. Three dogs
+pounced upon Gus as he rolled over and over on the floor. Three of the
+largest dogs had followed the first cat over the heads of the orchestra,
+and a stampede of the audience was in progress, the dogs and cats under
+the feet of men and women, who were jumping on chairs or rushing towards
+the exits. The curtain went down without the humorous dialogue that
+usually terminated the scene.
+
+"Mr. President: I moves you, sir, dat no member ob dis club hyaraftuh be
+admitted wid more'n three dogs."
+
+Alfred put his shoulder to the wheel wherever and whenever a push or a
+pull was required. Night after night, he assisted the stage hands in
+hustling effects from the theatre to the train. On one occasion the
+train was scheduled to leave in a very short time after the curtain
+fell. Alfred, without changing his stage clothes, busied himself
+assisting the stage hands. Gus, the property man, flung Alfred's
+clothing into his trunk, not observing they were his street apparel
+instead of stage costumes. The trunk was sent to the depot. When Alfred
+prepared to follow he was minus everything except a large pair of
+shoes, thin pants, long stockings and undershirt. There was no time to
+be lost; grabbing up a large piece of carpet, Alfred wound it around
+himself and started for the depot on a run.
+
+Doc Quigley, Arthur Rigby and several of the company stationed
+themselves along his route to the depot, hiding in the shadows of
+doorways. One after another shouted: "Good-bye, Al, good-bye old boy.
+You've got the best show ever. Come back again. Your show's great."
+
+[Illustration: "Good-bye Al, Old Boy"]
+
+"All right boys, good-bye. I'll be with you next season," shouted the
+hustling minstrel as he sped for the train. Alfred was completely
+deceived. He imagined the compliments were coming from the towns-people.
+
+The German property man, whose mistake was responsible for Alfred's
+grotesque appearance, was stationed by the jokers behind a fence near
+the depot. As Alfred hove in sight with the old rag carpet flapping
+around his form, Gus shouted: "Goot bye, Mr. Fieldt. Goot luck. Your
+show iz great. Kum unt see us agen. I hope your show will be here nexdt
+season."
+
+"It will be, but you won't be with it, you dutch son of a gun." Alfred
+had recognized the voice.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
+
+    Into the city during the day,
+      Back to the country at eventide,
+    Courting the charm of the simple way,
+      Casting the tumult of greed aside.
+
+
+"He is the happiest man who best appreciates his happiness. Happiness
+comes to him who does not seek it."
+
+"Well, you've got there. I was opposed to your goin' into the minstrel
+business. It's not good to argue agin anything a young man sets his mind
+on. I figured if you got knocked out, you'd be able to come back agin.
+I'd rather seed you in the circus business, but say, boy, if this show
+of yours ain't a Jim Dandy. Are you making any money?"
+
+"Well, I have made money, Uncle Henry, but I'm investing it in my
+business as fast as I earn it. You see the minstrel business is
+changing. The basis of minstrelsy will always be that which it is and
+has been, but you can't hand them the same things they've been accepting
+the past forty years and expect them to enjoy and buy it. The farce
+comedy, the musical show are virtually minstrel shows. Based upon music
+and dancing, they produce about the same stuff the minstrels do."
+
+"Well Alfred, we hear a great deal about the old black-face minstrels.
+Some people say they like them best."
+
+"That's true, Uncle Henry. You can't gainsay it. Some people like the
+old-fashioned cooking the best. But the public, the majority demand
+something different. Even if they eat the same sort of food they ate
+when younger, they demand it be served differently. Let me call your
+attention to this fact: Every manager that has endeavored to present an
+old-time, black-face minstrel show in late years has failed. The
+old-time minstrel show, like the one-ring circus, is pleasant to dream
+of, pleasant to talk of, but not profitable to present. Two friends were
+responsible for my decision to put on a simon-pure, old-time minstrel
+show. I engaged the best talent procurable, costumed the show in
+conformity with the ideas of my friends. It was the least profitable of
+any season since my first year; or it would have been had I continued. I
+changed my entire show in the middle of the season, going back to the
+black-face comedians, white-face singers.
+
+"The minstrels in all climes have sung their songs of love and war. Even
+in the days of the ancients there were minstrels who sang the news of
+the times to the gaping multitudes in the streets and market places. In
+fact, David, with his harp of a thousand strings, whose voice charmed
+King Saul and his court, was the first minstrel. I can fully understand
+why a minstrel, an American minstrel, singing a plantation melody to his
+dusky dulcinea, should have a blackened face, but why a man blackened as
+a negro should sing of 'My Sister's Golden Hair,' or 'Mother's Eyes of
+Blue,' is too incongruous for even argument's sake."
+
+[Illustration: David, the First Minstrel]
+
+"Well, Alfred, how is it the other managers do not adopt the style of
+your entertainment."
+
+"Uncle Henry, I am not my brother's keeper. I had opposition with one of
+those so-called old time minstrel shows a short time ago. Our company
+was making money every night. They were barely paying expenses. And yet
+the greater part of their press work was devoted to informing the public
+that we were not genuine minstrels, our singers wore white wigs, flesh
+colored stockings and satin suits. They were really advertising one of
+the attractions of our exhibition. We copied that notice and had it sent
+broadcast over the sections where the companies conflicted. I watched
+the press closely and but one paper that came under my observation
+endorsed their idea."
+
+"Now, Alfred, let me tell you something. I've had all I wanted to eat
+and drink; I've worn good clothes; I've helped the poor; I've kept my
+family right; and I've seen enough of this world to convince me the only
+way to have money to burn is not to burn it. To have money to spend when
+you are old, is to save it while you're young. I was so poor when I was
+young, I had my lesson. Say, son, it's a sad thing to be poor when
+you're young, not wanted in your brother's home. But it's dreadful to be
+poor when you are old and not wanted anywhere. You can't make a living.
+You are dependent upon charity. Now don't fool yourself and say with
+your income you can't save. If you can live you can save. George M.
+Pullman, Marshall Field, John D. Rockefeller, and a thousand others
+began saving on less than your income. Now, Alfred, don't think because
+the fool in your business has spent money recklessly, don't think that's
+an excuse for you to spend. I know minstrel people. I know them
+backwards. Don't be like them. The only things to do in this world, day
+after day, are the things you ought to do. You can't do too much for
+others, but don't depend upon them to do for you. A poor, old man is the
+saddest sight on earth."
+
+"It's true I felt mighty sore that my folks threw me on the world so
+young. But you bet I am proud of the fact that I can buy and sell the
+whole kit of them. I help them, I give them, I don't begrudge it to
+them; but, while I can't entirely forget the bitterness of those boyhood
+days, I can't help but feel a bit proud that I am independent of them in
+my old days. And to hear some of them talk, you'd think they made me.
+Well, they did, but they didn't intend to. While they were sitting
+around praying for prosperity, I was sweating. Sweating, it's a good
+thing. It takes all the bad diseases out of you and a good deal of the
+cussedness. Say, Alfred, you never knowed a skin-flint that sweat.
+Stingy men never sweat. I admire all good people but I would rather see
+a man give another a meal, than talk over his victuals and eat them
+alone when he knows there's someone next door hungry. Did you ever
+notice when a man thinks he's a genius he lets his hair grow long and
+when a woman gets out of her place, to be something she oughtn't to be,
+she cuts her hair short. Every crank puts some kind of a brand on
+themselves. You don't have to talk to them to find out what they are.
+
+"I sold whiskey when I was in the wholesale grocery business. Everybody
+in my line sold it. You remember the best stores in Columbus sold it.
+You couldn't hold a first-class trade if you didn't sell it. I never
+sold it to people who had no shoes. I never sold it to young men nor to
+old men in their dotage. There was never preacher came to me to talk
+religion or anything else while I was selling whiskey. But as soon as I
+sold out the whiskey business, they began runnin' after me. One of them
+kept a-comin' and a-comin'. He kept tellin' me how to live, how to spend
+the rest of my days. Get a library. A library was the greatest thing a
+man could have. It kept your mind at rest; you could seek refuge in your
+library at any time when in trouble. I promised him to get a library. I
+had one built expressly. I had two barrels of Old Crow whiskey that I
+kept when I sold the store. I filled a sufficient number of quart
+bottles to fill the shelves of the library, labeled the bottles, and
+waited for the next visit of the gentleman who induced me to invest in a
+library. He congratulated me on taking his advice. I told him I never
+had any learning to speak of; when I should have been at school I had to
+be at work; perhaps I should have consulted him about stocking the
+library. He expressed a desire to examine it. When I threw the doors
+open and the rows of bottles of Old Crow came into his view, he never
+flinched. I told Jim if he fainted to be handy with a pail of water. But
+he never backed off. He put his glasses on his nose, read the labels and
+'lowed while my library was large it was not greatly diversified.
+Thereafter the good man was more deeply interested in me than ever
+before. At first he called once a day. It was not long until he called
+three times a day regularly."
+
+[Illustration: Uncle Henry's Library]
+
+Jim describes the scene thusly: "Uncle Henry, lolling in the big, easy
+chair, sleepily. Enter the gentleman who recommended the library. 'Good
+morning, Brother Hunt, I hope you are feeling well'; Uncle Henry, with
+eyes half-closed, never waited to hear more. He languidly motioned
+towards the sideboard, closed his eyes, looked the other way. Uncle
+Henry's idea of a gentleman was one who turned his back while you were
+pouring out your liquor."
+
+Uncle Henry was known to every showman in America. He maintained a field
+whereon the circuses pitched their tents. He owned the billboards. No
+circus visited Burlington that did not find him an interested friend.
+
+I have heard that Uncle Henry could drive a good bargain in a trade. I
+never knew him as a buyer or a seller. I only knew him as one who knew
+how to give. I only knew him as one who found it more blessed to give
+than receive.
+
+His qualities of good more than overbalanced his imperfections. His was
+a character that left its impress on the community in which he was
+known. He was loved by those who were welcomed in his hospitable home.
+There have been men of more renown than the hardy old blacksmith, who,
+from a barefooted boy made his way without education or friends, and
+that he was influenced in his feelings by his early hardships was only
+the man that was in him, over-balancing the better nature of one who,
+when a friend was a friend, who, when against you, was always in the
+open. He was as honest in his dislikes as he was in his admirations.
+
+When the sands of his life were ebbing fast on that Sunday afternoon in
+midsummer, the last of earth, the last sounds that fell upon the ears of
+Uncle Henry were the rumbling of the wheels of a circus moving over the
+paved streets from the train to the show grounds.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    They have got a newspaper fixed and the worst roast ever read
+    published today. Mailed copy. If you want a good lawyer, advise.
+
+        JOE KAINE.
+
+Alfred read and re-read this telegram. He was having the most strenuous
+opposition of his business career, fighting one of the most unprincipled
+of men, the head of a company that had attained great popularity
+although on the decline at the time, and soon thereafter went the way of
+all such concerns--those of the minstrel kind at least. It was known to
+Alfred that the opposition had engaged a noted press agent and that this
+agent had been on the route of Alfred's company. Alfred answered the
+telegram, requesting a synopsis of the article. It was at the time the
+notorious Hatfield gang of West Virginia, were the subjects of unusual
+newspaper exaggeration. The write-up that had stirred Kaine was in
+substance:
+
+    "PROMINENT MINSTREL MAN'S REAL NAME LEADS TO CONJECTURE HE WAS
+    ONCE ONE OF THE NOTORIOUS HATFIELD GANG. DOUBTS AS TO
+    HIS BRAVING THE LAWS OF WEST VIRGINIA.
+
+    "It is reported though his company is advertised, it will not
+    appear in any of the cities in this state. The depredations of
+    the notorious Hatfield family has made the name feared wherever
+    it is known. Officers have been on their track for years. The
+    majority of the desperate family seem to be secure in the
+    fastnesses of their mountain hiding places. So completely
+    terrorized are the mountaineers by this family that no arrests
+    have been made of any of the gang lately. However, should the
+    member of the family now masquerading under an assumed name
+    enter the state he will be arrested on sight and made to stand
+    trial for past deeds of the family. However, it is not believed
+    that the man will run the risk of entering the state. It is
+    rumored he is on his way to Canada."
+
+Kaine supplemented his first telegram with a second one advising Alfred
+that the evening paper would publish any statement he telegraphed, and
+to make the denial strong.
+
+Alfred wired him:
+
+    Engage counsel who will answer for me. I am prepared to give
+    bond in any amount.
+
+        AL. G. FIELD.
+
+He further telegraphed "Devil Anse" Hatfield and several others of the
+family:
+
+    Will be there. Meet me on arrival.
+
+Another telegram read:
+
+    Get this in newspapers, but not as coming from me.
+
+Another telegram went forward later as a news item:
+
+    "It is reported here that a dozen armed men from Kentucky and
+    West Virginia are secreted on the cars of the Al. G. Field
+    Minstrels, to resist arrest of one of their number who is
+    reported with the minstrels."
+
+Of course all this was false. When the minstrel troupe arrived, hundreds
+were at the depot. Alfred was one of the first to leave the train. The
+officers and many others were aware of the falsity of the published
+statement, but hundreds were deceived by the sensational reports.
+
+The owner of the paper wherein the reports originated assured Alfred
+they had been imposed upon and the columns of the paper were open to
+anything he might dictate for publication. Introducing Alfred to his
+city editor, the owner of the paper remarked: "I have requested Mr.
+Field to prepare a statement for publication. We want to do what is
+right by him."
+
+The matter was submitted to the editor. He reminded Alfred that it did
+not answer the article published by them but was a boost for his
+minstrels.
+
+Alfred replied: "I realize the matter published was false, but the dear
+public has gained the idea that I am a desperado. They will only
+remember this a day or two. If I endeavor to contradict the published
+reports, it will keep it in their minds. This matter I submit will
+benefit me. A denial such as you have in mind will not do me any good."
+
+While this advertising was not the sort Alfred desired, he was bound to
+make the most of it. The theatres were packed to their capacity during
+the three or four weeks the opposition worked the press with the silly
+matter; although many newspapers treated it as a joke. For a few weeks
+Alfred was a living curiosity, pointed out by some as a desperado to be
+shunned, sought by others to be idolized. Surely, human nature is past
+understanding.
+
+It is dangerous to try to blacken the character of your opponent as it
+invariably places one's own under the spotlight and they'll find spots
+you were sure were never visible.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Ed Boggs, now Secretary to the Governor of the State, was at the time
+engaged in the drug business and managed the Opera House in Charleston,
+W. Va. The gross receipts were the largest in the history of the opera
+house. Alfred carried his share of the money in a satchel after the
+show. Boggs accompanied him to the ferry. There was no bridge spanning
+the river in those days. Boggs' store was on the corner of Water Street
+near the ferry landing. The ferry boat was on the opposite side. Boggs
+suggested they step into the drug store and smoke a cigar until the boat
+returned. Alfred, arriving at his private car--the wife was a
+visitor--the first question propounded was: "Where have you been to this
+hour of the night? Where's your satchel?" Alfred nearly fainted. He
+rushed out on the platform of the car. The ferry boat had left on the
+last trip of the night. Alfred was not clear in his mind as to where he
+had left the satchel, whether in the drug store or on the boat. He
+floundered along the banks of the river, endeavoring to locate a skiff
+that he might recross the river. His fears were that he had left the
+satchel on the forecastle of the ferry boat where he stood smoking while
+crossing the river.
+
+The Kanawha is a narrow stream as it flows by Charleston, yet it seemed
+an ocean that night. Alfred's slumbers were neither lengthy nor
+soothing. One hour previous to the scheduled time of the ferry boat's
+arrival on her first trip of the morning, he stood on the shore gazing
+across the river. When the boat was within four feet of her dock, Alfred
+leaped aboard, and began inquiries. The captain said: "I was at the
+wheel. If you left your money on the boat you might as well stay on this
+side. There was a rough crowd aboard after the show. That money's split
+up and partly drunk up by this time." Mr. Boggs had not arrived. The
+clerk searched the drug store. He urged the minstrel man to assist in
+exploring the mysterious recesses behind the counters. No satchel was
+found. Mr. Boggs was late coming to the store. "He always gets here
+before this," the clerk asserted. Alfred could not restrain himself
+longer. He fairly ran to the residence of Mr. Boggs. The servant
+brought the message: "Mr. Boggs was not well this morning. He would
+probably not go to the store until afternoon."
+
+"Jumping Jupiter, Holy Moses," and other expressions were suppressed by
+the highly wrought-up minstrel, as he stood on the doorstep. Say to Mr.
+Boggs: "Mr. Field must see him, if only for a moment. Must see him at
+once."
+
+"Howdy, Al, I thought you were on your way to Huntington."
+
+"No, our train does not leave until eight-thirty. I only have
+twenty-five minutes. Are you going to the store?" Alfred tried to look
+unconcerned as he asked the question: "Did I leave my satchel in your
+drug store last night? I feel sure I did."
+
+Boggs gazed at him in blank amazement. "Your satchel with all that money
+in it? You don't mean to tell me you left that satchel somewhere and are
+not certain where?"
+
+"Oh, I am pretty certain I left it in your store."
+
+"Well, if you left the satchel in my drug store it is there yet."
+
+"I am pretty sure I did."
+
+"But you're not certain," persisted Boggs.
+
+After every corner and nook of the store had been searched, Alfred went
+behind the counters. Again he looked under them. Boggs did not seem to
+be greatly interested in the search. He seated himself at a desk as
+Alfred rose from his knees, from exploring a dark corner, and inquired
+in an unconcerned tone, "Find it?" Alfred was irritated. He did not
+reply. The ferry boat whistle sounded. The bell was tapping. Alfred
+looked at Boggs. He was still at the desk.
+
+"Good-bye, I'm going. I guess the Hatfields haven't exclusive privileges
+in West Virginia. I think I'll join them to get even. I either left that
+satchel in this drug store or on that boat. That's a cinch."
+
+Boggs raised his eyes. "Well, if you only knew where you left your
+satchel you'd have a better chance to recover it."
+
+"Well, I'm going," replied Alfred, moving towards the door.
+
+"Good-bye," Boggs shouted. Alfred was on the front steps. "Hold on,"
+Boggs yelled, "I'll go over the river with you." Alfred was looking
+across the river. Boggs was by his side. They had walked several yards
+towards the ferry boat. Boggs inquired as to what excuse he would make
+to his wife. Alfred turned his head. Boggs was carrying the satchel in
+his hand farthest from Alfred. As the latter reached for the grip, Boggs
+laughed as he pulled away, saying, "I won't trust you with it."
+
+Boggs discovered the satchel after Alfred left the drug store. He
+awaited the return of the ferry boat and endeavored to have the Captain
+make an extra trip to relieve Alfred's suspense. The Captain refused,
+saying: "If a man is that careless with money, he ought to worry."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+In the early days of Alfred's minstrel career he became acquainted with
+Dan D. Emmett, the originator of American Minstrelsy (the First Part).
+Emmett was living in Chicago at that time.
+
+[Illustration: Dan Emmett]
+
+Years afterward Alfred learned that Mr. Emmett was living in retirement
+in his old home, Mount Vernon, Ohio. He called on the aged minstrel. Mr.
+Emmett pleaded that he be permitted to accompany the minstrels on a
+farewell tour. His request was granted. At the time there was no
+intention of advertising Emmett. He was simply to accompany the troupe
+as a guest of Mr. Field.
+
+About this time several persons were claiming the song "Dixie." Alfred
+furnished the _New York Herald_ with irrefutable proof that to Emmett
+belonged the honor. That paper sent a man from New York City. He spent
+several days at the home of Emmett. The feature story and the
+subsequent proofs published by Col. Cunningham, editor of the
+_Confederate Veteran_, forever settled the controversy as to the
+authorship of Dixie.
+
+Emmett's memory, in his last years, as to dates was defective. The story
+of Dixie was often related to Alfred by Emmett and, from other
+information, Alfred is of the opinion that Dixie was sung in the south
+long before its New York production. Emmett was the musical director of
+Bryants' Minstrels. Dan Bryant desired a walk-around song and dance.
+Emmett, on Saturday night was commissioned to have this number ready for
+Monday night's performance. He labored all day Sunday. Dixie was
+produced on Monday night and made an instantaneous hit. This is the
+accepted story as to the production of "Dixie."
+
+It is well known to all of Emmett's intimates that he was a slow study
+and a very indifferent reader but once he memorized music, he required
+no notes thereafter. It is not probable Emmett turned out Dixie in one
+day or the company learned and produced the song with only one
+rehearsal. All minstrel people admit this.
+
+Dixie was produced in New York in 1859. Prof. Arnold, of Memphis, (of
+Montgomery, Ala., then), claims that Emmett visited Montgomery in
+January, 1859, and sang Dixie, the words, however, a little different
+from those used in New York later. In presence of Mr. Field, Prof.
+Arnold called Emmett's attention to this. Emmett's reply was that the
+air of Dixie--the melody--had been played by him for a year prior to his
+writing the words of the song.
+
+It is Alfred's opinion that Emmett first sang the song in the south else
+how could it in those days become so suddenly popular. It is an
+authenticated fact that the troops from Alabama first sang Dixie as a
+war song of the South. There are gentlemen living in both Eufala and
+Montgomery who assert that Dixie was sung in those cities early in 1859
+and that it attained great popularity.
+
+However, the memory of Emmett will be preserved to future generations as
+the author of a song the common people love to sing.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"I have bought a farm."
+
+The wife looked incredulous. The past four years Alfred had optioned as
+many different farms, always dissuaded by the wife to give them up. In
+fact, the wife did not show the husband's enthusiasm as to the bucolic
+life.
+
+"I've bought a farm: Bienville, a part of the old Goodrich tract ceded
+to that family by the government for services in the Revolutionary War,
+opposite 'high banks' on the Olentangy River, where the ruins of the old
+fort are. It is a place of historic interest. The river, the best bass
+stream in Ohio, skirts the east side of the farm. There's a lovely brook
+running through the farm, and the largest virgin forest in the county.
+Why, the timber in that woods will sell for more than I paid for the
+whole farm. But I will not cut a single tree down, only an occasional
+shell-bark hickory tree to smoke our meat. Uncle Jake always smoked his
+meat with hickory wood and he cured the finest meat in Fayette County,
+generally a little too salty; we must look out for that."
+
+"The bottom land is a farm in itself. There are two orchards, an old one
+and a young one. The old one is about run out and I'll cut it down when
+the young one comes in. The wood will be fine to burn. Dry apple wood
+makes the hottest fire."
+
+"Dried apples? What are you talking about--burning dried apples?"
+
+But Alfred was not to be interrupted. "The hill land is not so good but
+I'll bring that up. I've bought a book on Liming Land. I won't have a
+great deal of stock to begin with. It's my intention to begin with a
+few of each species and breed up, that's the way Doctor Hartman does.
+
+"The hill land is not productive now and the bottom land will have to
+supply the farm until we get the hills tillable. There's only one thing
+that troubles me. The bottoms overflow every time the river rises. As
+you know, the Olentangy rises every time it rains."
+
+"Well, for Heaven's sake, you haven't bought a farm like that, have you?
+Now, Al, you are just like your father. Your mother often told me he
+could make money but always had a plan to spend it and his investments
+always proved failures. Why don't you let this farm business go? You've
+got enough on your hands without a farm."
+
+Alfred never noticed the interruption.
+
+"Chickens are very profitable. Poultry raising is one of the most
+profitable things about a farm, and the average farmer does not give his
+chickens any attention. I expect you to look after the chicken end of
+the farm. All the profits will be yours."
+
+Even this liberal offer did not interest the wife greatly.
+
+"The first thing I am going to do is to build a dyke or levee along the
+river bank to protect the bottoms from overflows. This must be done this
+winter. Mr. Monsarrat is at work on one on his place. He went to the
+expense of hiring regular dyke-builders, civil engineers and all that
+sort of thing. I'll just hire farmers and their teams. I've got onto a
+man that built all the dykes down toward Chillicothe. He knows just how
+to construct them. I'll hire him to superintend the work. Of course,
+I'll be on the ground all the time to look after the details."
+
+"When will you have time to attend to matters of that kind? Now, Al,
+you're just hatching up a lot of trouble for us. Why don't you rest? You
+have been working all these years to lay by a few dollars and now you
+are contriving to spend them. We know nothing of farming. We will be
+worried to death."
+
+"Now don't get excited, Tillie. Hold your horses. I've thought the whole
+matter out. Now listen to me. You can't farm in winter, can you?" and
+Alfred waited for his wife to answer. The wife deigned no reply; she
+either considered the question too deep or too silly. Alfred answered
+his own question: "No, you can't farm in winter. This is November. I've
+fixed it that by the time we are ready to farm we will be all prepared.
+I've subscribed for three farm journals, a poultry paper and a dairying
+book. The farm journals are published in New York, Los Angeles and
+Denver. This will educate us up to farming methods in all sections. What
+they don't know in one section, we will learn from another. You leave it
+all to me. Country life will make another woman out of you and Pearl
+will like it. It will be good for you all. It's the dream of my life
+realized and I do hope you will enter into my plans and be the help you
+have always been. I'm going to have a horse and phaeton for your
+exclusive use. I don't want you to do anything. Just sort of look over
+things. You need not read the farm journals unless you are interested.
+You read up on poultry and the dairy. They go together. All I'll ask you
+to do is to look after those two things, the poultry and the dairy. I'll
+take care of the farming."
+
+Bob Brown, (no relation to Bill Brown), editor of the _Louisville
+Times_, one of Alfred's warmest friends, published a feature article, a
+brief history of Alfred's career, touching on his newspaper experiences,
+however, omitting the cow-doctor experience. The article concluded with
+a lengthy write-up of Alfred as a farmer. The paper was carried in
+triumph and read to Mrs. Field and Pearl. Bob predicted the success for
+Alfred in farming that he had attained in minstrelsy. Several
+illustrations in Bob's write-up exhibited Alfred in farmer's garb,
+feeding cattle, sheep and hogs out of his hand.
+
+The wife observed: "Why, you haven't got sheep, hogs or cows as yet;
+have you imposed upon Mr. Brown?"
+
+"No, certainly not. Bob is an up-to-date newspaper man. Newspapers that
+wait to print things as they are, get left. Newspapers that print things
+as they are to be, are the live, up-to-date, always read journals. Bob
+knows I'll have things just as he represents them."
+
+Bob Brown's write-up was greatly appreciated by Alfred even after Emmett
+Logan informed him that Bob had written him confidentially that he,
+Alfred, had turned farmer, but he did not know what for, as he felt
+certain Alfred could not plant his feet in the road and raise dust; in
+fact, he did not think Alfred could raise a parasol.
+
+Alfred was advised that a club, of which he was an honorary member,
+would entertain him--that it would be a farmer's night. Alfred well knew
+there would be great fun at the expense of the farmer. He would be the
+butt of all the jokes the busy brains of a dozen or more keen wits could
+devise. Therefore, he studied for days that he might in a humorous way
+parry the jibes. Nothing humorous in connection with the farm could be
+evolved from his brain. He was too ambitious, too enthusiastic a farmer
+to ridicule any phase of his newly adopted calling.
+
+Therefore, when the chairman concluded his introduction in these words:
+"And now, gentlemen, we have a farmer as our guest here tonight. It has
+been the plaint of the farmer from time out of mind that he had not
+representation; that he had not voice in affairs that had to do with his
+vocation. The newly made clod-hopper is respectfully informed that he
+can air his grievances to the fullest extent and that, unlike others, we
+will not pass resolutions of acquiescence in his views and then
+repudiate them. We will file them in our archives as a memento of the
+fact that another good man has gone wrong. Alfred, it is the fear of all
+your friends in this club that the minstrel show will not make enough
+money to run the farm."
+
+[Illustration: Alfred as a Farmer]
+
+Alfred replied to the introduction:
+
+"Gentlemen, the introduction honors me; to be a farmer has been the
+dream of my life. Beginning life on a farm, I ask no more pleasant
+ending than to live the last days of my earthly time on a farm.
+
+"The facetious remarks of the toastmaster do not explain my reasons for
+engaging in farming. It is true, financial consideration did not govern
+me in this matter, although I do hope to make the farm self-supporting.
+If I do not, I shall not feel that I have made a bad investment.
+
+"In seeking the quietude of the farm, I was actuated by that yearning
+that comes to all men who have led a busy life--to turn back the years
+and try to live the days of patches, freckles, stone bruises and
+laughter; to live those days again when there was only one care in the
+world, not to be late for meals.
+
+"I want to go way back yonder in my life to a house half hidden from
+view by the locusts and maples, where the bees hummed and swarmed. I
+want a scent of the honeysuckle as the maples and locusts budded forth
+in what seemed to me the morning of the world--springtime. I want to
+follow the path down by the big spring, through the hazel bushes, where
+the cotton tail jumped up just ahead of you and the redbird sang his
+sweetest song. I can follow the path in my mind as the hunting dog
+follows the scent, down to the old rock hole where the clear, cool
+waters of the creek formed an eddy, in which the chub and yellow perch
+lurked and jumped at the bait as they never did anywhere else.
+
+"I want to feel that ecstacy that only comes to a boy when the bottle
+cork you used for a bobber goes under water, when something is pulling
+on the line like a scared mule, bending double the pole cut in the
+thicket on your way to the creek. I want to throw the pole away, roll up
+the tangled line, hide it away in the corn crib, and sneak back to the
+house the opposite direction from the creek, that the folks wouldn't
+suspect I had been fishing on Sunday.
+
+"I want to go back yonder in my life where the hills meet the sky in a
+purple haze, where you feel yourself growing with the trees, where the
+smell of new earth calls you to the woods, where the dogwood is budding
+and the may-apple peeps up through last year's leaves at the new leaves
+budding out on the grand old maples above.
+
+"I want to go so far back from the worries of city life that the crowing
+of the cock and the cackle of the hen will tell me it is morning,
+instead of the clanging of bells and blowing of whistles. I want to go
+back yonder where the setting sun, instead of the city lights, will tell
+me it is night. I want to hear the cricket and whip-poor-will as we
+heard them in the evenings long ago, as we listened with bated breath to
+the jack o'-lantern legends that stirred our childish fancy until the
+croaking of the frogs sent us to bed to dream of uncanny things.
+
+"I want to live in the happiness of an autumn when the frost was on the
+pumpkin and the fodder in the shock; when the hickory nuts falling on
+the ground called the squirrels; when the stars gleamed bright enough to
+afford you light to bring a 'possum out of a tree with the old flintlock
+musket--how you cherished that gun. And when the snow hid the roads and
+paths like the white coverlet on the big bed in the spare room and the
+big backlog crackled and burned on the hearth, and the red apples
+glistened in the firelight, and the popcorn imitation of a snowstorm was
+more realistic than any artificial one that you have since witnessed.
+
+"How you shivered as you undressed in the room above going to bed, but
+how soundly you slept after you got warm. I want to go back to one of
+those hallowed Sunday mornings in summer when the hush of heaven seemed
+to fall on earth; when the quiet that spread over hill and vale seemed
+to announce the Spirit of God in some unusual sense; when the peace of
+heaven seemed so near you felt its happiness.
+
+"While living the old days over--the days way back yonder--I want to
+live in the love of my friends of today. Whilst I cherish only a memory
+of the friends of the old days, I hold, after my family, the love and
+esteem of my friends of today above all things in this life.
+
+"Gentlemen, come down to the farm. Visit with me and endeavor to live
+the life of a boy again, if only for a day."
+
+[Illustration: Bill Brown as a Farmer]
+
+Alfred's response was not what the assemblage expected. Congratulations
+were showered upon him. The speech was reproduced in newspapers all over
+the country. Printed copies of it were circulated. The sentiment
+expressed therein seemed to have struck a responsive chord in the hearts
+of all men who love to live close to Nature. It does not seem possible
+that any one would have the hardihood to endeavor to controvert the
+sentiments set forth in Alfred's tribute to the "Back to the Farm" life,
+yet there appeared in all the papers that had given publicity to
+Alfred's speech, a diatribe from Bill Brown, headed "The Truth," as
+follows:
+
+    PITTSBURGH, PA.
+
+    I have read with much interest Al. G. Field's address on "The
+    Farm." If you will pardon my profanity for a minute, I will say
+    "Damn the Farm."
+
+    Our paths through the woods on the farm must have been
+    different. Al. pursued the cotton tail through the level and
+    green grassy meadows, getting pleasure in pursuit, and which
+    left no traces of his going; I pursued the ever ready pole cat
+    through hollows, over logs and stone piles, which left nothing
+    but bruises, but I found more pleasure in pursuit than
+    possession.
+
+    Al. had patches, freckles and laughter; I had rags, bruises and
+    tears. Al. took the path down to the spring through the hazel
+    bushes; I took the stony road to a mudhole through thorns and
+    blackberry bushes.
+
+    Al. caught nice yellow perch with a cork bobber; I caught
+    suckers with a paper bobber, for there were no corks used on our
+    farm. Al. fished on Sunday; I went to church at 10 o'clock,
+    Sunday School at 11, church again at 1:30, and perchance prayer
+    meeting in the evening.
+
+    Al. smelled the new earth from a two seated surrey or horseback;
+    I smelled the new earth from the back of the harrow or plow.
+
+    Al. watched the dogwoods bud, and breathed their fragrance as
+    they budded; I felt the dogwood switches drop on my poor back
+    and bare limbs.
+
+    Al. had to be told when it was dark and when it was morning. I
+    knew when I was told to quit work that it was dark and bed-time,
+    and knew that it was daylight when I was yanked out of bed to
+    walk two miles before breakfast to bring in a lot of cows.
+
+    Al. had a nice "coverlit" over his bed, and turned into a nice
+    feather bed and rested in peace. I rolled myself up in a
+    worn-out horse blanket, and turned into a tick filled with
+    straw, shivering until I got to sleep and kept on shivering. Oh
+    yes, I cherish the days on the farm and will never forget them.
+
+    But a more pleasant recollection to me is the day that I left
+    the cackling of the hens, the braying of the donkey, the
+    bellowing of the cows, and the old plow standing in the furrow,
+    where I hope it still stands.
+
+    The new stack of hay might have brought fragrance to Al's
+    sensitive nostrils, but to me it seemed as well suited as a
+    reservoir for perfume as for a monument in a cemetery.
+
+    I want to live in the love and esteem of my friends of today; I
+    cherish the memory of the old friends, and I value their love
+    and esteem, but the memory of the old straw pile back of the
+    barn still clings to me closer than all these, and e'er I get
+    ready to go back to the darned old farm, I will make myself a
+    pair of wooden bills and perch myself on the stake and rider
+    fence, prepared to take my turn with the hennery.
+
+    "Visit me," he says, "and endeavor to live the life of a boy
+    over again on the farm." Not for Bill, and I can but repeat what
+    I said in my profane way, again and again.
+
+    Al. can have the farm, but as for me it's first "back to the
+    mines, Bill." With sad memories of the milk pail, the fork and
+    curry comb, I am,
+
+        Sadly and sorrowfully yours,
+            BILL BROWN.
+
+Insofar as Alfred's knowledge goes, Bill Brown's pessimistic views of
+farm life were not accepted by any save Alfred's immediate family.
+Alfred carried a copy of his address, "A Glimpse of Nature, or Back to
+the Farm" in his pocket. Mrs. Field preserved Bill Brown's screed. As
+one prediction of Bill's after another came to pass, she would say to
+Alfred: "There, see there? Even Mr. Brown knew what would come of this
+farming business."
+
+The dyke was constructed and would no doubt have answered the purpose
+intended had it not been constructed of clayey soil that disintegrated
+and floated away with the muddy current the first freshet.
+
+Chickens were the first purchases. Rhode Island Reds, Alfred asserted,
+were superior as farm chickens. They were good layers, good setters and
+good mothers. One hundred hens and two roosters were the basis of the
+poultry plant. Alfred had read that one hundred hens properly catered to
+would produce on an average five dozens of eggs a day. Eggs were fifty
+cents a dozen. He figured that fifteen dollars a week would be pretty
+good. Of course, he had forgotten that farm hands eat eggs. Two dozen
+eggs were brought to the city and delivered to the home of Alfred, where
+the family rests up in the winter from the farm labors of the summer.
+"Of course, it's not what I expected," he consolingly admitted to his
+wife, "but you can't move chickens from one place to another and have
+them do well. Howard Park says so and he has had a heap of chicken
+experience. They will do better when you get out there. You will feed
+them properly and regularly. Their laying streak has been broken up. We
+must train them to lay while eggs are expensive and lay off when they
+are cheap."
+
+Alfred insisted Pearl keep a "farm book," entering on one page the
+expenditures opposite the receipts. After two months Alfred declared the
+book a trouble and worry. "Just spend what you have to and let it go at
+that. Howard Park says everybody has the same experience when they first
+go into farming." There were two entries on the two pages of receipts,
+nineteen pages of expenditures:
+
+    February 14th--Credit by 2 dozen eggs     $  .98
+    March 11th--One bull                       35.00
+
+Alfred bought the bull from a neighboring farmer. "Registered Jersey,
+worth at least $100; I got him for $75," boasted Alfred. "The man needed
+the money." It was learned later that the bull had been accidently shot
+by trespassing hunters and permanently disabled. When Alfred was put
+wise to this, he sold the bull for beef.
+
+[Illustration: "I Want a Rooster for Every Hen"]
+
+In the grocery bill, (Alfred furnished everything), there was a charge
+of four dollars and thirty cents for eggs. Alfred argued to his wife it
+was for hatching eggs for the incubator; that he had instructed Mrs.
+Roost she must raise four hundred chickens at least. But Mrs. Roost,
+over the telephone, advised that farmers must have eggs to eat and she
+always cleared her coffee with eggs, and our hens were not laying and
+that most of them had the roup, and you can't expect eggs when you only
+got two roosters for a hundred hens. Alfred called up Mrs. Reed and
+advised that he must have more roosters. "How many do you wish?" she
+inquired.
+
+[Illustration: AL. G. FIELD, 1886]
+
+"Well, we are not getting any eggs. I want a rooster for every hen. I'm
+bound to have eggs."
+
+The wife changed her mind as to Rhode Island Reds. She declared the only
+person she knew that had good luck with Rhode Island Reds was Mrs. Mott
+and she just lived with her chickens. "Now, Mrs. Goodrich has Barred
+Plymouth Rocks and they are the chickens." Alfred ordered a flock of
+Barred Plymouth Rocks. Someone recommended to Alfred Black Minorcas.
+Charley Schenck had a pen he wished to dispose of. Alfred figured that
+since they had experienced so much bad luck with one breed they would
+soon strike a winner by having several kinds. Therefore, when S. S.
+Jackson presented Alfred with a pen of India Games, you could look out
+upon the chicken lot at any time of day and see three or four
+cock-fights in progress at the same time. The hands were kept from their
+work, attracted by the gameness of the cocks.
+
+A beautiful litter, (as Alfred termed them), of top-knots, Van Houden
+chickens, were the next addition to the poultry yard. When cautioned
+that he would soon have a polyglot lot of poultry, Alfred, for the first
+time, weakened on the chicken proposition; more for the reason that he
+was disgusted with their polygamous propensities. Although living in one
+herd, he imagined that each breed would live to itself. Alfred dubbed
+them "Mormons."
+
+Pearl and Mrs. Field had become interested in the little chicks. As hen
+after hen came off, her brood was carried to the house and endeavors
+made to raise the chicks by hand. They had some forty or fifty, when
+rats, or a "varmint" penetrated the coop and twenty-four were killed in
+one night. The sorrow caused by this loss of their pets was partly
+compensated for by the closer ties formed with those spared. Each one
+was named. When either Pearl or Aunt Tillie passed out of the kitchen
+door, the chicks would fly to meet them. Stooping down to feed them,
+they would fly on the shoulders of the two women.
+
+One of the grocery bills rendered contained an item, "Four dollars for
+chickens." Mrs. Mott had also sold Mrs. Field quite a number of
+chickens. Alfred supposed these chickens were for breeding purposes. One
+Sunday the table was without chicken. Mrs. Field explained she had no
+one to go after them. "I'd have shot them for you if you had advised me
+you wanted chickens killed." "Chickens killed?" repeated both Pearl and
+Aunt Tillie, "Well, I'd like to see you or anyone else kill _our_
+chickens. Why, there's Betty, Biddy, Snooks, Dick and Kelly; they're
+just like humans. You don't imagine for a moment we will kill any of
+_our_ chickens, do you?" And Alfred bought chickens for the table all
+summer.
+
+Alfred promised his wife that he would look after the farming part. The
+chickens and dairy came under her charge. He therefore, sat down to his
+desk and wrote out minute instructions as to fields to be planted and
+designated the crops to sow in each field. He ordered a hill field, near
+the barn, sowed in buckwheat. The farmer meekly intimated that ten acres
+of buckwheat and five acres of oats seemed rather disproportional.
+"Never mind, follow my order," haughtily commanded Alfred. "None of us
+care for rolled oats and we all like buckwheat cakes." Alfred discharged
+his regular farmer; he claimed the man got up too early; he got up at
+four o'clock and threshed around making so much noise nobody could
+sleep.
+
+The hills had not been plowed in years. The land was shaly, easily
+washed. It rained from the day the family moved onto the farm until late
+in June. Seeds of all kinds from the fields above washed down into the
+bottoms below. Beans, potatoes, egg plant, rye, peas, beets and cow peas
+grew in the bottom as only noxious weeds and wild crops grow. From this
+conglomeration sprang the noted bean that Bill Brown and Alfred are
+forming a company to distribute.
+
+The rain continued. The weather being cool, fires were necessary.
+Nothing but wood was used as fuel. The wife protested the heat for
+cooking was not sufficient. It just dried the juices in the meats. A
+heating plant was put in. Kerosene lamps did not produce sufficient
+light, so a lighting plant was installed. Springs and well were unhandy.
+Alfred installed a water plant. Alfred swore you might just as well live
+in the city if you had all city fixin's. The walks in the yard and
+across the lawn were inches thick with mud. Pearl and Mrs. Field, by the
+light of the wood fire, would read Bill Brown's life on the farm, while
+Alfred watched the barometer. The women began to talk about moving back
+to town. Alfred was as miserable as life could make him. Day after day
+the rain fell in torrents. The dam that formed the lake wherein Alfred
+intended raising fish in summer, and a skating pond in winter, and also
+to furnish ice, broke, flooding the cow stables, washing out the sweet
+corn patch and the garden floated.
+
+Alfred was unmercifully berated that he had dragged his family to the
+country, destroying their happiness and spending all his money
+for--what, for what? Just to gratify a whim, a boyish illusion.
+
+Alfred felt he must do something to turn the tide. The rain kept
+falling. He started to the city on his mysterious errand. Returning he
+proudly hung above the mantle piece this motto:
+
+    "It hain't no use to grumble and complain,
+      It's jest as cheap and easy to rejoice;
+    When God sorts out the weather and sends rain,
+      Why, rain's my choice."
+
+The rain ceased. The sun shone, the grasses grew. Happiness came into
+the family. Ere the summer was over, farm life had so ingratiated
+itself that they did not relish the idea of moving back to the city.
+
+Bill Brown is ever kind. He sent a half dozen guineas, advising they
+were "chicken-house sentinels." They multiplied more rapidly than any
+fowls known; that the hen laid forty and fifty eggs in one nest. Mr.
+Field and all the hands followed those guineas all summer, nor did
+anyone find a guinea egg. After months of seeking guinea eggs, an old
+lady familiar with guineas advised Alfred that all of Bill's guineas
+were cocks. It was true; they were all Shriner guineas. Alfred procured
+a few Suffragettes and guineas are now the most prolific fowl production
+of the farm.
+
+[Illustration: Home, Sweet Home]
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
+
+    It's curious what fuss folks makes 'bout boys that went away
+    Years ago from home.
+    There's young Bill Piper that used to keep recitin',
+    Do you know what he's done?
+    He's gone to actin', there's some that actually pay
+    To go an' hear Bill talkin', public in a play.
+    Why, he couldn't chop a cord o' hickory wood in a year;
+    He may fool the folks out yonder, but he ain't no hero here.
+
+
+I am glad to have Uncle Tom visit us. He is a good man. It is true his
+calling made him very narrow when a younger man, but he was always kind
+hearted, and under his austerity there's a lot of man. I am doubly glad
+he is to visit us. I want him to carry back to my old home, to those who
+predicted a much different career for me, a few things I would like them
+to know.
+
+[Illustration: Uncle Tom]
+
+"What are you going to do with Polly?" inquired the wife. Polly was a
+bird purchased in New Orleans; warranted to be one of the best talkers
+ever imported; talks French, English and Spanish. The bird came up to
+the guarantee and even surpassed it. She can cuss in two or three
+languages not specified in the guarantee. The wife suggested we carry
+Polly to sister's. "But Uncle Tom will visit there and it would come out
+that the parrot belonged to us. Besides, it would be disreputable to
+have Polly's profanity charged to sister's family."
+
+Janet Wolfe, a teacher of languages, was also a guest of the family. She
+and the uncle spent a great deal of their leisure talking to Polly.
+Janet was particularly interested in Polly's Spanish and French. One
+morning the two were standing near Polly's perch. Polly was unusually
+talkative. In answer to a sentence of Janet's purest South End French,
+Polly rolled off sentence after sentence of New Orleans French Market
+French. Janet turned red, then pale. She hurriedly inquired as to
+whether Uncle Tom understood French. When assured he did not, she
+elevated her hands in thankfulness.
+
+Uncle Tom adhered to the custom of family worship. One morning Uncle
+Tom's prayer was very long. Polly, evidently--like others of the
+family--was hungry, but, unlike them, did not have the politeness to
+conceal it. Stretching her wings to the fullest width, craning her neck,
+in a bored tone she squeaked: "O-h h-e-l-l. Give us a rest." There was
+no suppressing the laughter. Polly laughed too. Uncle Tom smiled
+faintly. Alfred pretended to chastise the bird, raising the feather
+duster over her. Polly began a tirade that all the family understood. It
+must have sounded to Uncle Tom something like this: "Go to
+hell-go-to-hell-all-of-you. Get-to-hell-out-of-yere-dam-you,
+dam-you-all. Polly's-sick-poor-Polly. Chippy-get-your-hair-cut-hair-cut.
+Oh-hell."
+
+Many were the arguments and interchanges of opinions as between Alfred
+and Uncle Tom. The younger man never mentioned the old days at home, he
+was more anxious to have the uncle refer to them. Many years had elapsed
+and Alfred surmised the uncle had forgotten events that were
+ineffaceably impressed upon his own memory. The uncle and nephew, held
+many long conversations. One night while alone the uncle took Alfred
+aback a bit, when he very abruptly inquired as to whether he was
+satisfied with his profession--his life. "I can see you are well fixed
+and financial success has come to you. But, are you satisfied with your
+life? Would you live the same life over again?"
+
+"Uncle in the main, I am satisfied with my life. There are many things
+that I would prefer to forget and there are many things I hope to
+remember. As a boy, I was ambitious to become a circus clown." The uncle
+smiled. "This at first, was a boy's whim, an illusion. That ambition was
+based entirely upon a desire to acquire sufficient money to make me
+comfortable. It was a boyish fancy at the beginning but some of the
+happiest days of my life were when I wore the motley and endeavored to
+spread gladness as a circus clown.
+
+"To see others enjoying themselves, to hear and see folks laugh, is one
+of the greatest pleasures to me in this life. But I am sorry I did not
+become something other than a showman." The old minister looked at
+Alfred in amazement. "I will always retain most pleasant recollections
+of the many friends that I have made in the show world, but, Uncle
+Thomas, I feel that I could have done something better for myself if I
+had only been as bent upon it as I was upon show life."
+
+"Why, Alfred! You surprise me. What do you think you should have gone
+into? A mercantile business?"
+
+"No, I never had any taste for that. Of late years I have often wished I
+had been enabled to enter the legal profession. I believe I would have
+made a success as a lawyer."
+
+"Oh, as a politician?"
+
+"No, no, Uncle, I abhor politics as I know them. I mean a lawyer. One
+who was respected by all the people in the community where he practiced.
+I have often thought I would like to be a sort of lawyer and farmer. I
+never was satisfied with myself until I became the owner of a farm."
+
+"Well, if you are dissatisfied with your business, I cannot understand
+why you have been so successful."
+
+"Now, Uncle Tom, you misunderstand me. I am not dissatisfied with my
+business. I had ambitions as a boy, I have ambitions as a man."
+
+"Are you ashamed of your calling?" This was a leading question. Alfred
+felt the inquisitor was digging pretty deep.
+
+"No, Uncle, I am not. I shall always respect the calling of a public
+entertainer. I thank God, and pat myself on the back often, that not one
+dollar I possess was wrung from a human being that they were unwilling
+to part with. I respect myself all the more that not one penny of the
+little that I have saved is tainted, that is in the latter day
+application of the term. In my professional work I have carried
+gladness. I have endeavored to make two blades of grass grow where one
+grew before. I have injured no man by my profession, but have made many
+happy. Why should I be ashamed of it? Of course, I often wish that I had
+entered a field where I could have enjoyed more opportunities; where I
+could have extended myself as it were. I would like to live in a larger
+world."
+
+"Why, Alfred, I am again surprised. You travel the world over."
+
+"Yes, but Uncle, it's the narrowest world you ever dreamed of. A crowd's
+no company. The loneliest moments I pass are when in the largest
+gatherings. I was cut out for a showman, but I ought to be a stationary
+one. If you and father and all my other relatives had only headed me for
+the law, perhaps I'd be a different man."
+
+"Alfred, what was to be could not be changed. You have everything to be
+thankful for and little to regret. You have a faithful helpmate in your
+wife. Your father is a great consolation to you. He tells me of the
+lovely traits of your character. If I had my children around me as he
+has, if I could live in their love as he does, I would sacrifice all
+else in this world."
+
+"Why, Uncle Tom, aren't you satisfied with your calling?"
+
+"If you refer to the ministry, I answer 'No.' The salaries of the
+ministers of this country do not average five hundred dollars a year.
+And yet, as a class, they are the best educated the hardest working,
+poorest paid, underfed profession I know of. With less culture, less
+mental power, there are men in all walks of life that are paid three
+times the salary even our most eloquent and useful ministers receive.
+And yet, no matter how great the good a minister may have accomplished,
+if he makes the slightest allusion to the matter of money, it discredits
+him. That I have worn the livery of Christ all my days will buoy me up,
+and that I am proud of my service in the army of the Lord lends
+happiness. I have endeavored to maintain the character I have assumed in
+meekness and sincerity. But the character of a minister is the most
+assailable of that of any of the professions. The slightest slip, the
+one misstep, and he is lost. Like Samson, shorn of his hair, he is a
+poor, feeble, faltering creature, the pity of his friends, the derision
+of the public."
+
+"Well, Uncle Tom, yours is not the only profession that's held back by
+popular prejudices. It's one of the peculiarities of the littleness of
+human nature. It's a sure sign of a dwarfed mind to have your actions
+criticized and misconstrued. There's not a great calamity, a pestilence,
+a plague, a drought or a famine, a Galveston disaster, a Johnstown
+flood, a poor family's poverty, that the theatrical profession are not
+appealed to first and are first to respond. But if a theatrical man
+interests himself in public affairs his motives are impugned."
+
+"I am surprised at this, Alfred. It sounds so very much like the
+restrictions placed upon ministers. Does it hamper you in your affairs?"
+
+"Not in the least. That is, not now. There was a time when I was younger
+that I felt the sting pretty keenly. Now it has a different effect. You
+remember Bill Jones in Brownsville? He had a boy named Bill. Young Bill
+was under discussion by the cracker barrel committee in Oliver Baldwin's
+grocery. Andy Smith had just remarked that 'Bill Jones's boy is a durned
+fool; he don't know nuthin'; he don't know enough to gether greens; he
+don't know enough to slop hogs.' Just then he noticed the boy's father
+sitting behind the stove. Old Bill had overheard Andy's talk. Andy
+endeavored to square himself. In an apologetic tone he said: 'But,
+taint' your fault, Bill; tain't your fault; ye ain't to blame. You
+learnt him all you know.' You can't tell anything about human nature and
+the better plan is to make yourself as agreeable to those you respect
+and love and to keep others at arm's length. When you feel that folks
+have any objections to you, beat them to it. They soon come over."
+
+"Do you remember a boy that was raised in Brownsville, worked in
+Snowden's Machine Shop? Do you remember he worked his way up? He entered
+the ministry. He became a very good preacher, quite eloquent. There was
+a movement inaugurated by some of his boyhood friends to have him
+brought to Brownsville to fill the pulpit of a church. The women of
+taste were sort of running things. The Brownsville boy who had become a
+preacher was turned down. Do you remember why? Well, his parents were
+very humble people. The taste of many of the members revolted at the
+idea of the pulpit of the church being filled by one whose father worked
+around the town in his shirt sleeves. Do you remember the trade of his
+father?"
+
+"No, I have forgotten."
+
+"Well, he was a carpenter." The uncle did not perceive the application
+at once. After a moment he nodded his head a half dozen times, very
+slowly as he framed the question: "What became of--?"
+
+"He is living in retirement with his children in Houston, Texas. He
+became a noted man in the ministry of that state. He never visited his
+old home after the slight put upon him by the taste of a part of the
+congregation."
+
+"Well, Alfred, your experience has been of great value to you. You have
+met all manner of people."
+
+"Yes, and in all walks of life. And my estimate of them is, that human
+nature is about the same in all men, although some of them possess the
+faculty to a greater degree than others of concealing it. The first
+President I ever met to talk to was General Grant. I had always read of
+him as the Silent Man of Destiny; but he did about all the talking for
+all those about him the few moments I was in his presence."
+
+"I met Ben Harrison, but that was before he was President. It was during
+a political campaign in Indiana. He seemed to me to be about as cool and
+level-headed a man as I ever met. I stood beside him on a car platform.
+In Petersburg, Va., after he was elected President, he came out of his
+private car in response to the cheers of the crowd. I feel sure he
+intended to make a short speech, as the multitude seemed to demand it.
+The President was bowing his acknowledgments to the large gathering,
+when someone, with that bad taste that always crops out at the most
+inopportune moment, yelled 'Hurrah for Cleveland.' A great many others,
+with bad taste, laughed. Harrison flushed to his temples, bowed and
+backed into the car.
+
+"I met Cleveland twice. Once in that old club in Buffalo, N. Y.
+Cleveland was sheriff at that time. He was in the prime of manhood,
+sociable and full of animation. He did not talk much but was a good
+listener and a hearty laugher at the stories George Bleinstein related.
+I met him again after he was out of the Presidential chair. His health
+was shattered. He was endeavoring to recuperate in that most sensible
+way, hunting and fishing. His limbs were in such condition he could not
+endure the exercise and did not get the benefit he anticipated from the
+outdoor life.
+
+"I met Rutherford B. Hayes many times while he was Governor of the State
+of Ohio, and once after he became President. He was the most democratic
+of men, plain and approachable.
+
+"Of all the Presidents I have had the good fortune to meet McKinley was
+the most lovable to me, probably because I was better acquainted with
+him than the others. Mrs. McKinley and her sister owned the Opera House
+in Canton, Ohio. Mrs. McKinley's brother, Mr. Barber, was the manager
+for them. I met McKinley in Columbus, Canton and Washington. He was
+always the same. He never mentioned politics at any time I was in his
+presence; always talked upon commonplace subjects, inquiring after
+friends or conditions of business over the country. McKinley had the
+good taste to remember his friends.
+
+"It was the custom of the President and his wife, while in Washington,
+to call up the home of Mr. Barber in Canton, on the long distance
+telephone daily. Alfred happened in Canton on New Year's day. He wished
+the President a Happy New Year over the phone. The President, in turn,
+invited him to call at the White House when visiting Washington. Alfred,
+after the phone was hung up, remarked to Barber: 'The President is too
+busy with politicians to bother with minstrels.' Barber afterwards
+repeated Alfred's remark to the President. Later, Alfred visited
+Washington. The President sent a messenger inviting him to call at the
+White House, nor did Alfred have long to wait when his card was sent in.
+After a hearty handshake the President invited him to have a cigar. The
+first question he asked was as to the health of an old Columbus
+liveryman--Brice Custer--a Democrat at that.
+
+"The most interesting near-President I ever met was your old
+fellow-townsman, James G. Blaine."
+
+"Oh, I knew Blaine well as a boy," Uncle Tom said. "I never met him
+after he left Brownsville. Where did you meet him?"
+
+"I visited Augusta, Me., with my minstrels. I sent a messenger inviting
+him to attend the entertainment. In reply he invited me to call at his
+residence. To my surprise he seemed to be familiar with my career. He
+inquired after many of the older men of Brownsville, particularly John
+Snowden, Bobby Rodgers and others. He could not remember my father but
+he remembered grandfather, Uncle William and Uncle Joe's father. His
+memory as to the older inhabitants of the town was most remarkable. He
+gave me much information as to the early history of Brownsville. He
+advised when he regained his health he intended visiting the valley
+again, renewing old friendships. The cheeks of the famous American were
+sallow and flabby. His general appearance was that of one who was
+desperately struggling to fight off the finish. Although he talked
+hopefully of the future and outlined his precautions for guarding his
+health, it was not long afterwards until he 'crossed the bar.'
+
+"Blaine was a wonderful man. Do you remember the last speech he made at
+his old home? It was in the midst of a heated political campaign.
+Several noted orators accompanied him. The issues of the campaign were
+discussed by the speakers who preceded him. Blaine was introduced; the
+applause was long-continued. Speaking slowly at first, with distinct
+enunciation, he said:
+
+"'Ladies and Gentlemen, Neighbors, Friends, All: I am here tonight in
+the interests of that great political party of which I have the honor to
+be a member. I came here to make a political speech. I came here to
+discuss the questions in which this section is so vitally interested. I
+see many familiar faces. I see many in front of me tonight who have
+always held views opposed to mine, politically; but our opinions on
+public questions have never marred our friendships and never will
+insofar as I am concerned. I always hope to retain the respect and
+good-will you bear me, evidenced by your presence here tonight.'
+
+"'When I gaze around me, I note the silver tops of many men whose hair
+was as black as the raven's wing when we trod these old hills together.
+I note cheeks even whiter now than the hair that shades them--cheeks
+then flushed with the bloom that only comes to youth. I know many of you
+here tonight expect me to discuss the issues of the day. I hope you will
+excuse me when I inform you I cannot bring myself to do it, that word of
+mine might cause pain to one friend--that would destroy all the pleasure
+that has come to me from this meeting of old friends here tonight--it is
+a pleasant feeling to the wanderer that he is again in the home of his
+fathers, in the home of his friends.'
+
+"He continued relating incidents of his boyhood. I venture to say it was
+the most effective political speech ever delivered and not a word of
+politics in it."
+
+"Alfred, your experiences are valuable, and I believe you are filling
+the mission God intended you for. I feel when I talk to you my little
+world growing smaller. I have lived in a little world all my life. The
+only information I get of the big world comes through well-meaning, but
+often prejudiced, persons. I do not know man as I should. I believe to
+know God you must know man. Alfred, I am told intemperance is the curse
+of the theatrical profession. Are many of your people drunkards?"
+
+"Very few of them. We do not tolerate a drunkard one day. It would be an
+insult to permit a drunkard to go before an audience. Theatrical people
+with their peculiar temperaments and manner of life, are easily led
+astray but I do not believe, comparatively speaking, there is nearly so
+much intemperance among theatrical people as some other professions."
+
+"How do you manage the members of your company?"
+
+"We endeavor to dissuade them from all practices that will interfere
+with their duties. We take a great deal of pains with the younger ones;
+particularly as to the drink habit; do all we can with advice, and
+endeavor in every way to have them lead sober, moral lives. The general
+manager of one of the largest railway systems in this country, after
+twenty-five years' experience, has arrived at this conclusion. 'Do all
+possible to rescue the man starting in on a drinking life. Bump the old
+soak and bump him hard; bump him quick. Never temporize with a man who
+has broken his promise as to the liquor habit. If he gets bumped hard,
+it will either cure him or cause him to drink himself to death. In
+either way society is the better off.'"
+
+"What a load of sin the saloonkeeper carries, the man that sells the
+drunkard rum. If all the saloons could be closed--Uncle Tom, have you
+given the subject, or this sin, or whatever you may term it, serious
+study? The saloonkeeper may have it within his power to curtail, to
+lessen the evil effects of drunkenness, but it's high time the fellow on
+the other side of the bar came in for his share of the censure. Don't
+you know that if every saloon in the land was closed, under existing
+conditions, drunkenness and the increased consumption of whisky would go
+on. Statistics bear this out."
+
+"Well, what is your remedy for the evil, Alfred?"
+
+"I have no remedy. I have a safeguard--high license, the sale of whisky
+placed in the hands of reputable men."
+
+"But, Alfred, there are no reputable men in the whisky business."
+
+"Uncle Tom, you admitted a few moments ago you lived in a little world,
+you did not know men. I am not entering upon a defense of the
+saloonkeeper, but human nature, is human nature. Bad taste is bad taste.
+It's bad taste for a minister of the gospel to make statements that can
+be controverted so readily that his veracity is made questionable. If I
+were a minister, I would inform myself, visit the saloons. I would go
+into the Neil House, the Chittenden, the lowest dives in the city; not
+as a sneak or a spy, but in my duty, my profession, my calling as a
+preacher, as a man with the determination to do good unto my fellow
+men. I would go as He, in whose footsteps preachers profess to follow,
+did. I would shake hands with the business man, the bum. I'd pass them
+my card or have someone introduce me. I'd invite them to visit my
+church. I'd make them feel I was a friend, not an enemy. I would
+endeavor to instill into their lives the truth. I'd preach that God is
+love. I would make myself a welcome visitor everywhere I went. The
+presence of a good man with a desire to do good has a beneficial effect
+upon men in every walk of life, in church or saloon.
+
+"Uncle Thomas, if the clergy do not realize it, they should. They are
+widening a breach, a chasm between the people and the church, that will
+be difficult to bridge over. They are positively bringing their calling
+into disrepute. Let nothing be done through strife or vain glory but in
+lowliness of mind, is a divine injunction they seem to have forgotten."
+
+"Alfred, I am surprised at your arguments. I want to ask you: Did you
+ever know an honest saloonkeeper, an honest man who made or sold
+whisky?"
+
+"There are thousands of them. Thomas Daly, one of the largest distillers
+in this country, Belle Vernon, Fayette County, Penn., is a man who
+stands as high morally as any in his section.
+
+"Martin Casey, who lately passed away in Ft. Worth, Texas, a wholesale
+dealer in liquors, was a friend of mine for thirty years. He was a
+friend of your nephews, Jim and Clarke. He was beloved in the community
+where he lived and died. No charity, no public or private work for the
+betterment of mankind, was without his support. The widow and orphan did
+not appeal to him without receiving. In fact, it was not necessary for
+the poor to appeal to Martin Casey. His friendship would have honored
+any man.
+
+"You will say these men were too far away. Tom Swift, a saloonkeeper,
+stood as high among those who were intimate with him as any man in this
+city. Joe Hirsch is another, and there are hundreds of others."
+
+"Then, Alfred, you are against temperance?"
+
+"No, sir. I'm for temperance. If there is anything I can do to
+ameliorate or decrease the evil effects of intemperance, I will
+willingly take my place in the ranks and add my strength to the fight.
+Ninety men of a hundred are in sympathy with those who are battling for
+the alleviation of the evils of intemperance. But there are not ten men
+in a hundred that have faith in the means employed. The only practical
+temperance work that has come under my observation was that of Father
+Matthews and Francis Murphy."
+
+"Well, Alfred, what do you think of Sam Jones, and Billy Sunday?"
+
+"Sam Jones is dead and nearly forgotten. As to Billy Sunday, I have made
+it a rule not to talk about a business competitor. Talk is advertising.
+Billy Sunday is running a show. It's bigger than mine, but it's not as
+good because it's not an honest show. It's run under the guise of
+religion. Religion, as I understand it, is your life work from day to
+day and not the inspiration or the evolution of a week, a month or a
+year. Billy Sunday has four or five advance agents, or promoters. I
+employ only two. Billy Sunday has promoters the slickest in the
+business: men who have had the experience of years in all sorts of
+schemes. His show is a sad reflection upon the ministers and church
+members of any city that falls for his methods. The preachers simply
+admit that they are not equal to the labor they are engaged in. They
+must have a buffoon, a mountebank, whose methods are repugnant to those
+who believe in the religion that is taught by the Bible. Billy Sunday
+creates excitement that carries some folks off their feet for the time
+being: no lasting results obtain. Those that will remember Billy Sunday
+longest are those people who give up their money to him. Billy Sunday's
+show has the Gift Show scheme distanced before the start."
+
+Uncle Tom enjoyed his visit to Columbus greatly. On his last Sunday he
+occupied the pulpit of the Evangelical Church on East Main Street. He
+advised Alfred the day previous that he would preach a special
+sermon--text, I Cor., Chapter 1, Verse 19: "I had rather speak five
+words with my understanding that by my voice I might teach others also,
+than ten thousand words in an unknown tongue."
+
+After elaborating upon the text, he reached the pith of his sermon: "A
+man out of place is only half a man. His nature is perverted. He becomes
+restless and discontented and his life is made a failure, while the same
+person might have made a success of all his undertakings if he had been
+properly placed. As a rule, that which one likes best to do is his
+forte. No man can be wholly successful in this life until he finds his
+place. Some men glide into their proper sphere as naturally as the birds
+of the air fly, or fish in the deep swim. Others never ask the question
+of themselves: 'What is my place? What shall I do that I may be content
+to labor and succeed in the world?' Every man should ask himself: 'What
+is my place? How shall I decide it? How shall I fill it that my life
+shall not be a failure?' It may be difficult to answer this question.
+The answer may not always be from the heart, that is, influenced by
+sincerity. Ignorance or lack of ambition may prompt an answer and
+failure follow. Though difficult to answer, the question must be
+answered by all. 'What is my right place in the labor of this world? How
+shall I find it? How shall I succeed in it?' But few men can be really
+successful and discontented--contentment is success.
+
+"Education and civilization will have found their highest value in this
+world when every man has chosen his proper work; work for which he is
+fitted by nature and inclination. How many boys have had their
+aspirations checked, their longings silenced, by loving but misguided
+parents and friends? How many boys, who might have attained eminence in
+a calling they were fitted for, have been forced to fill a place that
+was repugnant to their natures? There is not a day we do not see natural
+ability checked by occupations that are not congenial to those engaged
+in them. We can hardly conceive of a man or boy forced to do work they
+loathe. Parents may feel they are fulfilling a highest duty when they
+choose a profession or a calling they believe the best for their
+children, but against which the whole nature of the boy revolts, and for
+which they have no natural ability. If instinct and heart ask for a
+blacksmithing trade, be a blacksmith; if for carpentry, be a carpenter;
+if for the medical profession, be a doctor; if for music, be a musician.
+There is nothing like filling your place in the labor of this world
+successfully. If you cannot fill a higher position acceptably and
+successfully, be content to choose a lower one. There's nothing more
+creditable in this world than filling a small place in a large way. It
+is better to be a first rate brick mason than a second rate lawyer.
+Choose your calling in this world. Prosecute it with all the vigor in
+your being. With a firm reliance in God and confidence in yourself
+failure is impossible."
+
+Neither Uncle Tom nor Alfred, in their conversation referred to the
+sermon at dinner. Several complimented Uncle Tom on his sermon. As
+Alfred looked across the table at the Uncle, they both smiled. Alfred
+thought of another sermon he had sat under years previously, and it's
+his opinion the Uncle had the same thought.
+
+Uncle Tom sleeps in a little church yard in Virginia near the people he
+loved so well, and that his views broadened in his last years only made
+him more beloved by those for whom he always faithfully labored,
+believing in the right as he saw it. He was an honest man, a consistent
+Christian.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
+
+    Not hurrying to, not turning from the goal.
+    Not mourning for the things that disappear
+    In the dim past, nor holding back in fear
+    From what the future veils; but with a whole
+    And happy heart, that pays the toll
+    To you and age, and travels on with cheer.
+
+
+Uncle Madison, stage driver, soldier, planter, historian, a gentleman of
+the old school; versed in the classics and current events, most positive
+in his deductions. He fought every day and year of the Civil War for the
+cause of the South. He had labored every day since Appomattox to better
+the conditions he had been active in unsettling. The soul of honor, as
+courtly as a king, as keen as a flint, as blunt as a sledge, as tender
+as a child.
+
+[Illustration: Uncle Madison]
+
+It was telegraphed all over the country that A. P. Clayton, Mayor of St.
+Joe, Mo., and Alfred, were behind the bars in Pittsburgh, Pa. Bill Brown
+telegraphed W. E. Joseph, Masonic Temple, Columbus: "Clayton and Field
+in jail here, will you help to get them out?" The answer was: "If
+Clayton and Alfred are in jail, it's where they belong. W. E. Joseph."
+
+Uncle Madison read of it in the newspapers. He reared and charged. "Bill
+Brown nor no other man could put him in jail without suffering for it."
+Alfred's explanation did not satisfy Uncle Madison. "It's only Bill's
+way of having fun with his friends. No one that goes to Pittsburgh but
+Bill plays some sort of a joke on him. We are glad to get off so easy.
+We expected him to steal our clothes or have us indicted for
+bootlegging. Why, there are a number of people in the west--good
+people--who will not go east via Pittsburgh, fearing Bill's practical
+jokes."
+
+Pet Clayton, Imperial Potentate of the Shrine, was _compelled_ to visit
+Pittsburgh in connection with his official duties. Clayton carried
+Alfred with him as protection. Alfred, in his haste, forgot his dress
+suit. Arriving in Pittsburgh only a few moments before the ceremonial
+session, Bill insisted Alfred wear one of his (Bill's) dress suits; that
+it was the rule of the Temple that all must wear dress suits to gain
+admission. Bill is wider than Alfred, "thicker through," but not quite
+as tall. There was too much space everywhere excepting in the length of
+legs and arms of Bill's dress suit, as it encompassed Alfred. No coaxing
+or lengthening of the suspenders or pulling at the sleeves could make
+Alfred look other than ridiculous. After walking from the Ft. Pitt Hotel
+to the Temple, the suit began to "set" to its new conditions. The legs,
+seat and sleeves, were drawing up at every breath.
+
+Bill, in introducing the visitors, kindly made apologies for the
+condition of Clayton, and the appearance of Alfred, explaining that
+Clayton had just come from Louisville, where he was booked for one night
+only, but there was more to inspect than he had ever tackled before. He
+also assured the Nobility that Alfred owned a dress suit but they would
+not permit him to take it out of Columbus; that the suit Alfred wore was
+one he had kindly loaned him and he hoped that if anything happened
+Alfred those assembled would respect the clothes. When Alfred arose the
+next morning to prepare for the automobile ride the local people had
+tendered the visitors, his clothes were missing from the room. Bill
+Brown and the committee were waiting. "Slip on your overcoat; that will
+hide Bill's old suit. You won't be out of the automobile until you
+return. This hotel will make that suit good. How much did it cost you?"
+"Sixty dollars; well, we'll make them buy you a hundred dollar suit."
+
+Every out of town guest, (Shriners) had lost something from their rooms.
+Harrison Dingman was tugging at an odd pair of shoes, a number eight
+and a ten, to get ready for the automobile tour. Bill Brown was
+everywhere consoling the losers, making notes of the losses pretending
+he wanted to bring suit against the hotel.
+
+Alfred and Clayton were hustled into an automobile under Brown's tender
+care. As the auto sped on, Clayton remonstrated as to the high speed at
+which the machine was traveling. Brown was describing the Carnegie
+Technical School. Clayton, seemingly not interested, bluntly informed
+Bill he would not ride further at the speed we're going. "I'm too damn
+good a man to get killed by one of these machines," declared Clayton.
+
+Brown pretended his feelings were injured. Halting the auto as he
+climbed out backwards, he remarked: "I don't want to annoy you,
+gentlemen. The educational institution we are now passing is one of the
+most noted in the world. I supposed you'd be interested in it. It is one
+of which Pittsburghers are justly proud. We take a young man from the
+home, pass him through this school and turn him out versed in any
+profession or trade."
+
+Clayton said something about an institution in St. Joe that took a hog
+from the pen every minute, passed him through and turned him out every
+minute, ready for the table. Clayton referred to St. Joe's slaughter
+houses.
+
+After Brown left the auto there was no slacking of its speed. Both
+Alfred and Clayton remonstrated with the chauffer. He claimed they were
+not traveling nearly so rapidly as the machines containing the other
+guests; that he did not know their destination and must keep in sight of
+them. As Clayton was insisting that the auto be halted, a policeman
+threw up his hands, commanding the chauffer to halt, advising all they
+were arrested for exceeding the speed limit. Clayton quickly informed
+the officers that we were guests, not the owners of the machine; that we
+had protested since we entered the park at the high speed; that we were
+not to blame and should not be arrested. "I'm not here in Pittsburgh to
+break laws that I instruct my officers to enforce. I am the Mayor of St.
+Joe and I won't stand for this arrest."
+
+"St. Joe, St. Joe," mused the Irish policeman, "well, uv course, I have
+no authority to turn yez loose. There may be a St. Joe but I haven't
+heered uf it. There's so meny new korporations springing up around yere,
+I exshpect Coryopolis will be havin' a Mayor next an' he'll come in the
+city an' want to have immunity fur any crime he may commit. No, you
+nabobs wid dese automobiles must be held in check. Ye kilt two
+shill-dren and a hog out uv wan family last week."
+
+[Illustration: "It's Done Every Day in St. Joe"]
+
+Clayton led the officer behind the machine. Alfred overheard him offer
+the cop two dollars and to set them up to turn the pair loose. "It's
+done every day in St. Joe," Clayton confided. The officer shook his head
+and remarked:
+
+"I'll have tu take yez down. Get in!" and he pointed with his club to
+the open door of the machine. "Climb in! I'll let yez talk to the
+sargent." The Mayor of St. Joe and the meek minstrel re-embarked. The
+officer sat up beside the chauffer, Clayton slinging it into him every
+foot of the way to the station.
+
+There was a crowd outside the door. "Phwat are they pinched fur?"
+inquired a ward politician who had a pull, and consequently got a reply
+from the cops. "Exceedin' the spheed law in the park," replied the
+officer. "They're from out of town, are they?" "Yis," answered the cop.
+"The big one claims he's the Mayor of St. Joseph's Academy, er some
+other place. The other one has thryed to hide hisself in his overcoat."
+
+They were in front of the Sergeant's desk. Alfred whispered to Clayton:
+"Give a fictitious name." Clayton was arguing the case with the
+Sergeant. "My name's Clayton. This is Mr. Field, Al. G. Field, of
+minstrel fame. He lives in Columbus, Ohio, right near you. He is the
+Potentate of Aladdin Temple, Columbus."
+
+[Illustration: "It Will Cost Us Fifty Dollars and Costs"]
+
+"Hold on, Pet, hold on," pleaded Alfred, "I--I--"
+
+"Never mind, Alfred, never mind. Now, I'm the Mayor of a city. I know
+just how to handle these matters."
+
+"Well, don't give them my name and pedigree. Handle it without that,"
+requested Alfred.
+
+"Put them both together in cell twenty-three and send for the Bertillon
+officers. I think you'll find their mugs in the Hall of Fame." Clayton
+advised Alfred the Hall of Fame had reference to the Rogue's Gallery.
+
+Clayton clamored for an opportunity to telephone the Chief of Police,
+the Director of Public Safety, or some other high mogul. "If I was in
+St. Joe, I'd be out of here in two minutes," he excitedly declared.
+
+"Of course you would," assented Alfred, "but you're not in St. Joe.
+You're in jail in Pittsburgh, a shake-down town, and it will cost us
+fifty and costs, you see if it don't."
+
+"Not on your life it won't. Let me get this fellow on the phone. What's
+his name? I met him last night. I'll tell him something," said Clayton.
+
+"Do you know him?" meekly inquired Alfred.
+
+"Know him? Hell? Why, I'm well acquainted with him. I had fifty drinks
+with him last night."
+
+"Well, telephone him quick," urged Alfred.
+
+"Hello, hello! This is Clayton, Clayton, C-l-a-y-t-o-n, Clayton. I met
+you last night. (Ha-ha-ha). How do you feel? (Oh, all right). Where am I
+at? No, no! Pet Clayton, Mayor of St. Joe, Imperial Potentate of
+the--hello--gurgle--gurgle," and Pet hung up the phone. "Well, don't
+that beat the bugs! Now this fellow knows me but he says he must see me.
+He only met me last night, he isn't familiar with my voice. I told him
+who I was but he said I might be all right, but he would come out and
+investigate."
+
+"It seems to me Bill Brown would come back looking for us. You're the
+guest of honor."
+
+This reminder riled Clayton up. "I'll attend to Mr. Brown's case. I put
+him where he is. I'll show him something next session of the Imperial
+Council."
+
+Just then the jailer thrust a thin loaf of bread part ways between the
+bars. Alfred and Pet gazed at the bread as it stuck there. In a moment
+the man sat a thin can of water beside the bread. Clayton endeavored to
+bribe him to go to a restaurant and bring some real refreshments.
+
+"Phwat wud yez like to eat?"
+
+"Oh, Old Crow or Joe Finch's 'Golden Wedding.'"
+
+"Oh, yez'll git none of those things out here. They wudn't know how to
+cook them if they had 'em. Yez'd better have some corned beef and
+cabbage. No, this is Friday, yez can't get that. Salt mackerel is the
+bhest I can do for yez the day."
+
+Clayton pinched off a crust, with the remark: "I'll eat your bread but
+damned if I drink your water."
+
+Clayton swore he could buy the police, the police station, the police
+department or anything else in Pittsburgh, but he wouldn't be shook
+down. He had endeavored to bribe everyone he came in contact with, but
+all refused to accept, even the policeman. Pet confidentially informed
+Alfred, as they sat in the dark, dismal cell, that he knew there wasn't
+a straight man in Pittsburgh; that being Mayor of St. Joe he had got
+next to all the grafting cities in the country. "I will admit to you,
+and you are the first man I ever breathed it to, there is a little, very
+little, grafting going on in St. Joe." Pet had Pittsburgh people sized
+up right, but he applied St. Joe prices and they were rejected.
+
+The old janitor seemed to be taken up greatly with the two prisoners.
+"Yez belongs to some kind of a sacret society, don't yez?" he inquired.
+
+Clayton straightened up to his full height. "Yes, we belong to the
+Ancient Arabic Order Nobles of the Mystic Shrine of North America." Pet
+rolled off the lengthy title so rapidly the old fellow was astounded.
+Resting his hands on the cell bars, he gazed admiringly at Clayton fully
+a half minute, ere he asked: "Are yez Pope of it?" Later it developed
+the janitor was a captain of police, also a Shriner. He played his part
+well.
+
+When Bill Brown and McCandless arrived they almost came to blows. Bill
+swore they were disgraced. Bill endeavored to borrow the fifty dollar
+fine from both Clayton and Alfred. Failing, he borrowed, or pretended to
+borrow the amount from McCandless. Clayton and Alfred were liberated,
+loaded into an auto, the chauffer ordered to drive slowly to the Work
+House. When Clayton and Alfred stepped on to the veranda, the doors were
+flung open. On each side of the long tables there was a row of red
+fezzes. Under each a Shriner. There was a welcome, and such a welcome as
+could only be extended by those who at one time or another have been the
+victims of Bill Brown's practical jokes.
+
+To those who are not intimate with Bill Brown, his sense of humor may
+appear forced. But his pranks are only the over-flowing exuberance of a
+great, big, fun-loving man--a big body--but scarcely big enough to
+contain a heart so filled with love for his fellow man. Alvah P. Clayton
+thanked the committee, thanked Bill Brown, thanked the police for their
+kindly consideration in placing him in jail. He stated that visiting the
+city in his official capacity, he had concluded the duties that called
+him to Pittsburgh, that he carried on his person money and valuables
+representing thousands of dollars. He was compelled to remain in the
+city all day and he felt much safer in jail than loose on the streets of
+Pittsburgh.
+
+We love men like Bill Brown and Pet Clayton because they are lovable
+men. Happy is the man who has that in his soul that acts upon the
+dejected mortal as April showers upon violet roots.
+
+Bill Brown has a motto worked on brass, with steel fish-hooks. It hangs
+over the mantelpiece in his home, and reads:
+
+"I am an old man; my troubles are many, but most of them never
+happened."
+
+Alfred has added to this motto: "They mostly happened to others."
+
+Uncle Madison never could understand why Alfred was indifferent as to
+his arrest. He never could appreciate the sense of humor that influenced
+Alfred to go to jail for a joke.
+
+Uncle Madison, while on a visit to Alfred, read in the Columbus papers
+of the different classes of people composing its citizenship. "You have
+the upper class, the middle class, the lower class." When Uncle Madison
+was asked if the people of Virginia were not designated by classes, he
+replied: "No sir! No sir! We only have one class of people in
+Virginia--the high class. All the others are Republicans."
+
+Uncle Madison declares this is the age of shriek and frenzy, the
+over-zealous, ambitious politician who gets his ideas from history,
+going back a little further than most people read, puts them forward as
+his own.
+
+"The majority of folks, in this the best of countries, believe that the
+founders of it, knew just about what they were doing when they made out
+the plans and specifications. If you will read the writings of
+Jefferson, you will find them as applicable to present conditions as
+they were the day they were written.
+
+"Alfred I hope you won't be bamboozled by the ravings of demagogues, who
+constantly preach about the wrongs of the people. You'll find the wrongs
+that influence them are their own imaginary wrongs. The founders of this
+country provided for the righting of all wrongs. We can right any wrong
+at the ballot box. We do not require any new-fangled, or rather
+old-fangled, ideas warmed over. The man who advocates the so-called
+Referendum, the Initiative, and particularly, the Recall, is a traitor
+to the true principles of government as established by our forefathers.
+We have lived and thrived for more than a hundred years under the best
+form of government ever devised. If we want to preserve it, if we desire
+to perpetuate our institutions, the demagogue, the mountebanking
+politician must be squelched. They ruined every republic of the ancient
+world and if we don't throttle them they'll ruin ours.
+
+"The self-seeking demagogue starts out with the captivating doctrine,
+the rule of the people, but his end will be the dangerous despotism of
+one man rule--the rule of himself. Could you or any reasoning man who
+has followed the demagogues of this country, for a moment doubt that any
+one of them, on the slightest pretext or opportunity would make a despot
+that would shade those of the old world?
+
+"The initiative, the referendum and the recall lend themselves to the
+demagogues' schemes, and they call it progressiveness. Nothing in
+government could be more reactionary. It was tried in Greece and it
+failed. It was tried in ancient Rome and it failed. The political party
+that's 'agin' the recall, the referendum and the initiative, will win
+and it deserves to win.
+
+"Socialism, in theory, is a most beautiful dream, an illusion.
+Socialism, as it is practiced by the discontented and turbulent, is
+about as near anarchy as we can get. See what they have done wherever
+they have obtained a foothold. It's un-American; it's unpatriotic; it is
+against all that a patriotic American citizen holds most sacred. Despite
+the demagogues who have brought about these conditions, those who love
+this country, respect its laws and appreciate the advantages it offers
+to every man willing to work, will triumph. The evolution will never
+come to revolution.
+
+"The Romans, two thousand years ago, experienced the same troubles we
+are having. There is a fable comparing the corporeal body to the body
+politic. Once upon a time the feet became discontented and struck. They
+refused to be walked upon longer. The legs noted the dissatisfaction of
+the feet. Although they never had cause for complaint before, they said:
+'Well, we will quit also. We will refuse to carry the body around
+longer.' The stomach said: 'Well, I can't digest food if you refuse to
+work, so I'll just quit also; besides, I've been working all these years
+for that aristocrat, the brain. I am down under the table doing the work
+while the brain is enjoying the wit and gaiety. I want to be up where he
+is. The brain has been the master long enough.' The brain became
+stubborn: 'All well and good for you. If that is the manner in which you
+look upon your duties; if you feel that you have been imposed upon, go
+your way. I refuse to think for you further.'
+
+"The feet stubbed their toes; their course was irregular; they stepped
+on broken glass; they swelled up as large as watermelons. The legs, illy
+nourished, not clothed, became weak and rheumatic, gave way altogether.
+The stomach, not receiving food, began to ache and cramp. The brain was
+suffering from the ills that had befallen the stomach, the limbs and the
+feet. The misery became general. The entire body was suffering, and its
+sufferings had weakened it greatly.
+
+"After a while they all concluded their only hope to live happily was
+that one should depend upon the other. It was decided the brain should
+run things; but the ills brought upon the body had caused so much
+suffering that it required a length of time until all recovered the
+condition they were in before the strike--as we will call it. All agreed
+the brain should have all the powers as before but must consider the
+other parts of the body as of greater importance than heretofore. This
+the brain had learned, and further that they were all necessary parts of
+one great body. And thus they all concluded to go to work together.
+After the brain put food into the stomach, clothes on the legs, healed
+the wounds of the feet, it found its sufferings had ceased. The brain
+learned it must take good care of all parts of the body or it would
+suffer. Neither one could long exist without the aid of the other.
+
+"God needs all kinds of people in this world. Some represent the brain,
+others the stomach, more the feet and legs. As Abraham Lincoln said:
+'God must love the common people: He made so many of them.'
+
+"Along comes the demagogue. In his zeal to gratify vainglorious
+ambitions, he endeavors to convince the common people that confusion
+and agitation will right their wrongs.
+
+"They quote from Abraham Lincoln. Let me ask you to compare their
+speeches and appeals with those of Abraham Lincoln. Do you remember any
+speech of these modern demagogues in which they have told the common
+people that they were living in the best country in the world? That
+they, the common people, had it in their power to relieve themselves of
+their few wrongs? Do you ever remember one of them telling the dear
+common people that good government was essential to prosperity? That it
+was a higher honor to be governed in a republic like ours, than to live
+in any other country?
+
+"Every human being begins life under control and there is not one in a
+thousand that ever should live, only under control. Three-fourths of the
+people in this world never knew they were counted until they get into a
+mob.
+
+"The demagogues array their hearers against wealth. They leave the
+impression that all who are so fortunate as to possess a little more of
+this world's goods than the poorest, are dishonest; that it is
+dishonorable to be of the moneyed class. They never tell the people it
+is but natural and necessary that some should be richer than others.
+These conditions have always prevailed and could only be changed by a
+gross violation of rights, held inviolate since the beginning of
+civilization. Since the world began, industry and frugality have been
+rewarded by wealth.
+
+"These demagogues never tell the people that the opportunities are ever
+open that have made others rich. They never tell the boys growing up
+that ten or twenty years hence, they the boys of today, will be the
+business men, the moneyed class of this country.
+
+"To be prosperous is not to be superior. Wealth should form no barrier
+between men. The only distinction that should be recognized is as
+between integrity and corruption.
+
+"The present day fads are only the revival of the brain throbs of
+demagogues gone before. Read Jewett's translation of politics.
+Aristotle, who dealt wisely with many momentous questions, designated
+the initiative, referendum and recall, as the fifth form of democracy,
+in which not the law but the multitude, have the superior power and
+supersede the law by their decrees. Homer says that 'it is not good to
+have a rule of many.'
+
+"As I said before, there will be no revolution. The patriotic people of
+this country will attend to this. But we will be compelled to do a
+little deporting and perhaps a little disciplining. The American people
+will attend to this sooner or later. The red flag has no place in this
+country. Curb the trusts, curtail combinations in restraint of trade,
+let all men get an even start in the race and the deserving will win. I
+am not a rich man; I'm a poor man. I've worked all my life. I am happy
+and contented. Insofar as riches are concerned, I would like to possess
+them, but damned if I want them if I've got to rob others who have
+labored more diligently and with more intelligence than I have."
+
+"Now, Uncle Madison, what's your cure for the political and social
+upheavals?"
+
+"Patriotism, loyalty to our country, to our flag, to our institutions,
+to the principles that have made us what we are."
+
+"Uncle Madison, you were a Confederate soldier."
+
+"Yes, and I'm proud of it. I fought for what I believed to be right. We
+of the south lived under conditions that had grown upon us, been forced
+upon us; I refer to slavery. I'm not defending slavery, I'm glad it's
+done, but we had lived under a government that guaranteed to protect our
+rights and property. No matter if slavery was wrong--was it right for
+one-half of the people of a country to insist the other half impoverish
+themselves--give up all their possessions?
+
+"Slavery was handed down to us and--well, there's nothing in threshing
+this matter over; slavery was the cause of the war, the negro was the
+issue. If the negro had been a commercial product in the north there
+would have been no war. The south lost because it was ordained they
+should lose. That does not lessen my pride in the fact that I fought for
+the cause I thought was right; we were right in the fact that we fought
+for the property this government promised to protect us in, and that's
+just what the north would have done if conditions had been reversed."
+
+"Uncle Madison, do you believe in the majority rule?"
+
+"The majority, if you mean the greater number of people, never did rule
+and never will. It's the few that does the thinking, does the ruling.
+Why, my boy, there are times in our lives when God and one are a
+majority."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
+
+    Mornin' little dreamer
+    With sunshine in your eyes,
+    The stars were talking to you
+    Ere they left the brightening skies.
+
+
+"The Care of Children, by Dr. Holt," is the title of the book by which
+the baby is being reared. On the care of feeding bottles it recommends:
+"When the baby is done it must be unscrewed and put in a cool place
+under a tap. If the baby does not thrive, it must be boiled."
+
+[Illustration: An Evening at Maple Villa]
+
+Hattie remarked afterwards she "never reckoned the poor, measley little
+thing would stay with us." _It was_ little, _it was_ puny, but it
+brought a happiness into the household never before experienced--brought
+a happiness into the lives of Uncle Al and Aunt Tillie--that only those
+who love children and have never been blessed with them can appreciate.
+
+Alfred with his usual assurance undertook to instruct the family,
+including the doctor and the nurse as to how the baby should be
+handled--yes, that's the term he used, "handled." Aunt Tillie reminded
+him the baby was not a colt. He was advised that the old fashioned way
+of nursing babies was obsolete. He was not permitted to up-de-doo baby,
+that is, throw him up and catch him coming down, notwithstanding he
+asserted this was the only way to prevent a baby from becoming
+liver-grown; nor would Miss Liston or Pearl the mother, permit Alfred to
+kiss the baby on the mouth. Miss Liston asserted that kissing was most
+dangerous in spreading microbes and germs; therefore, the baby must not
+be kissed on the mouth.
+
+"All right, little baby," Alfred would say, "I can kiss his little
+tootsie ootsies."
+
+"Please don't kiss his foot," appealingly pleaded Pearl. "Please don't
+kiss his foot, he might put it in his mouth."
+
+"I kissed you on the mouth a thousand times when you was a baby, and I'm
+living yet," snapped Alfred.
+
+[Illustration: Field]
+
+Baby cried at night. Alfred declared it was unnecessary to lose sleep on
+account of a baby crying. All required was a cradle. Every person that
+expected to rear a baby should have a cradle.
+
+Alfred visited every furniture store in the city. Not one had a cradle.
+Few understood what they were. One young clerk advised that his
+grandfather in the country, near Alfred's farm had one and he had heard
+the grandfather say his father before him had used it.
+
+Alfred sent his colored man, Doc Blair, to borrow or buy the cradle.
+
+The cradle was borrowed. The man did not care to sell it. He sent the
+wagon to get the cradle.
+
+"Hide it in the barn until I return; I want to introduce baby to it.
+This will prevent his crying at night, that is so wearing on his mother
+and so irritating to Aunt Tillie, and leg-breaking to his daddy."
+
+He explained to Hattie, who knew all about babies. Hattie just smiled:
+"You just rock him to and fro and he will go to sleep any time. You
+can't raise a baby without a cradle, it is impossible."
+
+"Bring in the cradle," was Alfred's command to Doc Blair.
+
+"Mister Field, you can't bring that thing in hyar. Some of you all will
+get your legs cut off. You can't get it through the door nohow. We
+couldn't get it in the top wagon. We had to take the farm wagon."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+On the lawn near the front door reposed an old fashioned cradle for
+reaping grain, such as farmers used before the horsepower reapers came
+into use--a hand cradle with rusty scythe and hickory fingers.
+
+Alfred called at a cabinet maker's and ordered a cradle made to order.
+The rockers must be pointed and have plenty of circle so it would not
+overset easily. The German agreed to have the cradle completed by
+Saturday.
+
+Sunday was selected as the day to introduce baby Field to the soothing
+influence of a cradle. Alfred advised "All you have to do is sit near
+it. You can read or sew. Just gently push the cradle with your foot. You
+can have a rope reaching to your bed. If the baby gets restless at night
+all you have to do is hold on to the rope."
+
+Alfred insisted that Eddie, the father, learn to sing the old nursery
+song, the inspiration of which was the sugar trough cradle Alfred was
+rocked in:
+
+    Rock-a-bye baby on the tree top,
+    When the wind blows the cradle will rock;
+    When the bow bends cradle will fall,
+    Down comes baby, cradle and all.
+
+Pearl claims it was the singing of this lullaby or the attempts of Eddie
+to sing it, that spoiled Field's disposition.
+
+The cabinet maker certainly misunderstood Alfred's specifications as to
+the construction of the cradle. Aunt Tillie declared she would not have
+it in the house. Pearl named it "Noah's Ark." When baby was laid in the
+cradle he appeared as but a speck. When Alfred essayed to rock it to
+show the others how, baby howled with fear. Alfred swore if they had
+known anything or consulted him they would have ordered the cradle
+before the baby came, put him into it on arrival, then he would have
+gotten used to it by this time. "Now you'll have trouble breaking him to
+the cradle. Every baby should be cradle-broke as soon as they are born."
+Aunt Tillie again reminded Alfred the baby was not a colt.
+
+"The cabinet maker was ordered to make a cradle, not a life raft. I
+didn't order but two rockers. I never ordered it that big. Do you think
+I'm a fool. I know what a cradle is."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"Well, you don't call that thing a cradle, do you?" inquired Aunt
+Tillie.
+
+"Well, it's as near as you will get to one, people don't know nothing
+about babies or cradles in these days."
+
+The cradle, with its three rockers and six sharp points and a big old
+fashioned rocking chair with four more pointed rockers, made the baby's
+room a storage place for ancient instruments of torture.
+
+The night was a wild one, winds without, colic within. Eddie knew the
+route to the paregoric.
+
+After the first combat with the rocker Eddie swore it would have to go
+or he would. He felt he had a chance with the rocking chair, but with
+six points more against him he balked. "Besides nearly breaking my neck,
+I broke the paregoric bottle and got glass in my feet."
+
+[Illustration: The Wreck]
+
+Doc and Alfred sorrowfully bore the cradle to the chicken house and it
+has become a receptacle for old carpets and other rubbish.
+
+Aunt Tillie said: "Well, you boasted Field would have something no other
+baby in this section had and you made good--nothing like that cradle was
+ever seen in this section. I wonder what you will think of next to
+squander your money on?"
+
+When the cradle is referred to Alfred flares up. "I've had three or four
+offers for it lately. I expect a man here to look at it tomorrow. Don't
+you dare to break it up to make chicken coops with. I'll get three times
+as much as I paid for it just as soon as sensible people who are raising
+a baby learn I have a cradle. Some smart man will start a cradle
+factory, and he'll get the money, too."
+
+All the common sense suggestions offered by Alfred were rejected. He
+volunteered to walk the floor with baby while he was cutting teeth.
+
+"No, sir, no, sir, I will not permit you to walk the floor with him
+while he is cutting his teeth. You walk the floor with him when he is
+teething, when he grows up the dentist will have to carry him around the
+office before working on his teeth."
+
+"Don't ride him backwards. He will be bald. Riding backwards is the
+cause of half the baldness in the world."
+
+Nurse had a schedule by which baby's cries were timed. Lung expansion
+was necessary. Crying was essential to lung expansion, exercising his
+voice Field made a new schedule. He was on time; in fact, he worked
+overtime. He cried by sun time, that is, he began by sun time and quit
+by any time. He cried until George Washington's portrait turned its face
+to the wall, the dogs howled, and the cream soured.
+
+Notwithstanding, the baby of these days is raised after the automatic
+drop-a-nickle-in-the-slot manner, it is surprising how they thrive. He
+was a tiny, human toy a little while back; now he is the autocrat of the
+house, the absolute boss. Riding or driving, walking or autoing--he is
+first. He sits at the head of the table. If he desires aught, his
+desires are gratified. It is only those who have crossed the apex and
+begun the descent on the other side, that can realize how quickly
+children--the baby of yesterday, becomes the head of the house, ruling
+all with love. Field will be a year old the first of the month. He will
+have a birthday party; there will be a cake and one candle. Aunt Tillie
+will have a birthday party for Uncle Al soon. When she asked his age
+that she might order the candles to decorate the cake, he answered,
+"Just make it a birthday party, not a torch light procession like Ollie
+Evans had on his birthday."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The inner man, like the negro, is born white, but is colored by the life
+he lives; but not one is so black they have not felt humbled and rebuked
+under the clear and open countenance of a child. Who has not felt his
+impurities the more that he was in the presence of a sinless child?
+
+You have probably seen one whom some low vice has corrupted, one who is
+the aversion of man and woman, make of himself a plaything for a
+rollicking crowd of children, enter into their sports in a spirit that
+made his countenance glow with a delight, as though only goodness had
+ever been expressed upon it.
+
+You have seen another--a genteel person, cold and supercilious--endeavor
+to make himself agreeable to children, court their favor, win their
+fancy. You have seen the child draw back and shrink in undisguised
+aversion. I have always felt there was a curse upon such a person.
+
+Better be driven from among men than disliked by children and dogs. One
+is as instinctive as the other.
+
+It is a delicate thing to write of one's self. It grates on one's
+feelings to write anything derogatory and may be redundant to write
+praise. I have endeavored to watch myself go by. To those who have
+followed me thus far, to those who have been my friends, to those who
+are my friends, to all mankind who despise hypocrisy and love human
+beings and dogs, I commend myself in
+
+A GOOD INDIAN'S PRAYER.
+
+    O Powers that be, make me sufficient to my own occasions.
+    Teach me to know and to observe the Rules of the Game.
+    Give to me to mind my own business at all times, and to lose no good
+        opportunity of holding my tongue.
+    Help me not to cry for the moon or over spilled milk.
+    Grant me neither to proffer nor to welcome cheap praise; to distinguish
+        sharply between sentiment and sentimentality, cleaving
+        to the one and despising the other.
+    When it is appointed for me to suffer, let me, so far as may humanly
+        be possible, take example from the dear well-bred beasts,
+        and go quietly, to bear my suffering by myself.
+    Give me to be always a good comrade, and to view the passing show
+        with an eye constantly growing keener, a charity broadening
+        and deepening day by day.
+    Help me to win, if win I may; but--and this, O Powers! especially--if
+        I may not win, make me a good loser. AMEN.
+
+            AL. G. FIELD.
+
+
++-----------------------------------------------------+
+|Transcriber's Notes                                  |
+|                                                     |
+|While unusual spellings have been retained as in the |
+|original, unexpected inconsistencies in spellings and|
+|punctuation have been standardised.                  |
++-----------------------------------------------------+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Watch Yourself Go By, by Al. G. Field
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WATCH YOURSELF GO BY ***
+
+***** This file should be named 20375.txt or 20375.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+        http://www.gutenberg.org/2/0/3/7/20375/
+
+Produced by Jacqueline Jeremy, Suzanne Shell and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark.  Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission.  If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy.  You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research.  They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
+http://gutenberg.org/license).
+
+
+Section 1.  General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A.  By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement.  If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B.  "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark.  It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement.  There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement.  See
+paragraph 1.C below.  There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.  See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C.  The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works.  Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States.  If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed.  Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work.  You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D.  The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work.  Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change.  If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work.  The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E.  Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1.  The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges.  If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder.  Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4.  Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5.  Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6.  You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form.  However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form.  Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7.  Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8.  You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+     the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+     you already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  The fee is
+     owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+     has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+     Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.  Royalty payments
+     must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+     prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+     returns.  Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+     sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+     address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+     the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+     you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+     does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+     License.  You must require such a user to return or
+     destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+     and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+     Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+     money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+     electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+     of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+     distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9.  If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark.  Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1.  Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection.  Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2.  LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3.  YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3.  LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from.  If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation.  The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund.  If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund.  If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4.  Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5.  Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law.  The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6.  INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section  2.  Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers.  It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come.  In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org.
+
+
+Section 3.  Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service.  The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541.  Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
+http://pglaf.org/fundraising.  Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations.  Its business office is located at
+809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
+business@pglaf.org.  Email contact links and up to date contact
+information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
+page at http://pglaf.org
+
+For additional contact information:
+     Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+     Chief Executive and Director
+     gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+
+Section 4.  Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment.  Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States.  Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements.  We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance.  To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit http://pglaf.org
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States.  U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses.  Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations.
+To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5.  General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone.  For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included.  Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+     http://www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
diff --git a/old/20375.zip b/old/20375.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..0710c82
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/20375.zip