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diff --git a/20336.txt b/20336.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..711eb9d --- /dev/null +++ b/20336.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1354 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Miraculous Revenge, by Bernard Shaw + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Miraculous Revenge + Little Blue Book #215 + +Author: Bernard Shaw + +Editor: E. Haldeman-Julius + +Release Date: January 11, 2007 [EBook #20336] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MIRACULOUS REVENGE *** + + + + +Produced by Ted Garvin, Diane Monico, and the Project +Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team at +http://www.pgdp.net. + + + + + + + + + + + +LITTLE BLUE BOOK NO. 215 + +Edited by E. Haldeman-Julius + + +The Miraculous Revenge + +Bernard Shaw + +HALDEMAN-JULIUS COMPANY GIRARD, KANSAS + + + + +PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA + + + + +THE MIRACULOUS REVENGE + +[Illustration: BERNARD SHAW] + + + + +THE MIRACULOUS REVENGE + + +I arrived in Dublin on the evening of the fifth of August, and drove +to the residence of my uncle, the Cardinal Archbishop. He is like most +of my family, deficient in feeling, and consequently averse to me +personally. He lives in a dingy house, with a side-long view of the +portico of his cathedral from the front windows, and of a monster +national school from the back. My uncle maintains no retinue. The +people believe that he is waited upon by angels. When I knocked at the +door, an old woman, his only servant, opened it, and informed me that +her master was then officiating at the cathedral, and that he had +directed her to prepare dinner for me in his absence. An unpleasant +smell of salt fish made me ask her what the dinner consisted of. She +assured me that she had cooked all that could be permitted in his +Holiness's house on Friday. On my asking her further why on Friday, +she replied that Friday was a fast day. I bade her tell His Holiness +that I had hoped to have the pleasure of calling on him shortly, and +drove to the hotel in Sackville-street, where I engaged apartments and +dined. + +After dinner I resumed my eternal search--I know not for what: it +drives me to and fro like another Cain. I sought in the streets +without success. I went to the theatre. The music was execrable, the +scenery poor. I had seen the play a month before in London with the +same beautiful artist in the chief part. Two years had passed since, +seeing her for the first time, I had hoped that she, perhaps, might +be the long-sought mystery. It had proved otherwise. On this night I +looked at her and listened to her for the sake of that bygone hope, +and applauded her generously when the curtain fell. But I went out +lonely still. When I had supped at a restaurant, I returned to my +hotel, and tried to read. In vain. The sound of feet in the corridors +as the other occupants of the hotel went to bed distracted my +attention from my book. Suddenly it occurred to to me that I had never +quite understood my uncle's character. He, father to a great flock of +poor and ignorant Irish; an austere and saintly man, to whom livers of +hopeless lives daily appealed for help heavenward; who was reputed +never to have sent away a troubled peasant without relieving him of +his burden by sharing it; whose knees were worn less by the altar +steps than by the tears and embraces of the guilty and wretched: he +refused to humor my light extravagances, or to find time to talk with +me of books, flowers, and music. Had I not been mad to expect it? Now +that I needed sympathy myself, I did him justice. I desired to be with +a true-hearted man, and mingle my tears with his. + +I looked at my watch. It was nearly an hour past midnight. In the +corridor the lights were out, except one jet at the end. I threw a +cloak upon my shoulders, put on a Spanish hat and left my apartment, +listening to the echoes of my measured steps retreating through the +deserted passages. A strange sight arrested me on the landing of the +grand staircase. Through an open door I saw the moonlight shining +through the windows of a saloon in which some entertainment had +recently taken place. I looked at my watch again: it was but one +o'clock; and yet the guests had departed. I entered the room, my +boots ringing loudly on the waxed boards. On a chair lay a child's +cloak and a broken toy. The entertainment had been a children's party. +I stood for a time looking at the shadow of my cloaked figure on the +floor, and at the disordered decorations, ghostly in the white light. +Then I saw there was a grand piano still open in the middle of the +room. My fingers throbbed as I sat down before it and expressed all I +felt in a grand hymn which seemed to thrill the cold stillness of the +shadows into a deep hum of approbation, and to people the radiance of +the moon with angels. Soon there was a stir without too, as if the +rapture were spreading abroad. I took up the chant triumphantly with +my voice, and the empty saloon resounded as though to the thunder of +an orchestra. + +"Hallo sir!" "Confound you, sir--" "Do you suppose that this--" "What +the deuce--?" + +I turned; and silence followed. Six men, partially dressed, with +disheveled hair, stood regarding me angrily. They all carried candles. +One of them had a bootjack, which he held like a truncheon. Another, +the foremost, had a pistol. The night porter was behind trembling. + +"Sir," said the man with the revolver, coarsely, "may I ask whether +you are mad, that you disturb people at this hour with such unearthly +noise?" + +"Is it possible that you dislike it?" I replied courteously. + +"Dislike it!" said he, stamping with rage. "Why--damn everything--do +you suppose we were enjoying it?" + +"Take care: he's mad," whispered the man with the bootjack. + +I began to laugh. Evidently they did think me mad. Unaccustomed to my +habits, and ignorant of the music as they probably were, the mistake, +however absurd, was not unnatural. I rose. They came closer to one +another; and the night porter ran away. + +"Gentlemen," I said, "I am sorry for you. Had you lain still and +listened, we should all have been the better and happier. But what you +have done, you cannot undo. Kindly inform the night porter that I am +gone to visit my uncle, the Cardinal Archbishop. Adieu!" + +I strode past them, and left them whispering among themselves. Some +minutes later I knocked at the door of the Cardinal's house. Presently +a window opened and the moonbeams fell on a grey head, with a black +cap that seemed ashy pale against the unfathomable gloom of the shadow +beneath the stone sill. + +"Who are you?" + +"I am Zeno Legge." + +"What do you want at this hour?" + +The question wounded me. "My dear uncle," I exclaimed, "I know you do +not intend it, but you make me feel unwelcome. Come down and let me +in, I beg." + +"Go to your hotel," he said sternly. "I will see you in the morning. +Goodnight." He disappeared and closed the window. + +I felt that if I let this rebuff pass, I should not feel kindly +towards my uncle in the morning, nor indeed at any future time. I +therefore plied the knocker with my right hand, and kept the bell +ringing with my left until I heard the door chain rattle within. The +Cardinal's expression was grave nearly to moroseness as he confronted +me on the threshold. + +"Uncle," I cried, grasping his hand, "do not reproach me. Your door is +never shut against the wretched. Let us sit up all night and talk." + +"You may thank my position and my charity for your admission, Zeno," +he said. "For the sake of the neighbors, I had rather you played the +fool in my study than upon my doorstep at this hour. Walk upstairs +quietly if you please. My housekeeper is a hard-working woman: the +little sleep she allows herself must not be disturbed." + +"You have a noble heart, uncle. I shall creep like a mouse." + +"This is my study," he said as we entered an ill-furnished den on the +second floor. "The only refreshment I can offer you, if you desire +any, is a bunch of raisins. The doctors have forbidden you to touch +stimulants, I believe." + +"By heaven----!" He raised his finger. "Pardon me: I was wrong to +swear. But I had totally forgotten the doctors. At dinner I had a +bottle of Grave." + +"Humph! You have no business to be traveling alone. Your mother +promised that Bushy should come over here with you." + +"Pshaw! Bushy is not a man of feeling. Besides, he is a coward. He +refused to come with me because I purchased a revolver." + +"He should have taken the revolver from you, and kept to his post." + +"Why will you persist in treating me like a child, uncle? I am very +impressionable, I grant you; but I have gone around the world alone, +and do not need to be dry-nursed through a tour in Ireland." + +"What do you intend to do during your stay here?" + +I had no plans and instead of answering I shrugged my shoulders and +looked round the apartment. There was a statue of the Virgin upon my +uncle's desk. I looked at its face, as he was wont to look in the +midst of his labor. I saw there eternal peace. The air became luminous +with an infinite net-work of the jeweled rings of Paradise descending +in roseate clouds upon us. + +"Uncle," I said, bursting into the sweetest tears I had ever shed, "my +wanderings are over. I will enter the Church, if you will help me. Let +us read together the third part of Faust; for I understand it at +last." + +"Hush, man," he said, half rising with an expression of alarm. +"Control yourself." + +"Do not let tears mislead you. I am calm and strong. Quick, let us +have Goethe: + + Das Unbeschreibliche, + Hier ist gethan; + Das Ewig-Weibliche, + Zieht uns hinan." + +"Come, come. Dry your eyes and be quiet. I have no library here." + +"But I have--in my portmanteau at the hotel," I said, rising. "Let me +go for it. I will return in fifteen minutes." + +"The devil is in you, I believe. Cannot----" + +I interrupted him with a shout of laughter. + +"Cardinal," I said noisily, "you have become profane; and a profane +priest is always the best of good fellows. Let us have some wine; and +I will sing you a German beer song." + +"Heaven forgive me if I do you wrong," he said; "but I believe God has +laid the expiation of some sin on your unhappy head. Will you favor me +with your attention for awhile? I have something to say to you, and I +have also to get some sleep before my hour of rising, which is +half-past five." + +"My usual hour for retiring--when I retire at all. But proceed. My +fault is not inattention, but over-susceptibility." + +"Well, then, I want you to go to Wicklow. My reasons----" + +"No matter what they may be," said I, rising again. "It is enough that +you desire me to go. I shall start forthwith." + +"Zeno! will you sit down and listen to me?" + +I sank upon my chair reluctantly. "Ardor is a crime in your eyes, even +when it is shewn in your service," I said. "May I turn down the +light?" + +"Why?" + +"To bring on my sombre mood, in which I am able to listen with +tireless patience." + +"I will turn it down myself. Will that do?" + +I thanked him and composed myself to listen in the shadow. My eyes, I +felt, glittered. I was like Poe's raven. + +"Now for my reasons for sending you to Wicklow. First, for your own +sake. If you stay in town, or in any place where excitement can be +obtained by any means, you will be in Swift's Hospital in a week. You +must live in the country, under the eye of one upon whom I can depend. +And you must have something to do to keep you out of mischief and away +from your music and painting and poetry, which, Sir John Richard +writes to me, are dangerous for you in your present morbid state. +Second, because I can entrust you with a task which, in the hands of a +sensible man might bring discredit on the Church. In short, I want you +to investigate a miracle." + +He looked attentively at me. I sat like a statue. + +"You understand me?" he said. + +"Nevermore," I replied, hoarsely. "Pardon me," I added, amused at the +trick my imagination had played me, "I understand you perfectly. +Proceed." + +"I hope you do. Well, four miles distant from the town of Wicklow is a +village called Four Mile Water. The resident priest is Father Hickey. +You have heard of the miracles at Knock?" + +I winked. + +"I did not ask you what you think of them but whether you have heard +of them. I see you have. I need not tell you that even a miracle may +do more harm than good to the Church in this country, unless it can be +proved so thoroughly that her powerful and jealous enemies are +silenced by the testimony of followers of their heresy. Therefore, +when I saw in a Wexford newspaper last week a description of a strange +manifestation of the Divine Power which was said to have taken place +at Four Mile Water, I was troubled in my mind about it. So I wrote to +Father Hickey, bidding him give me an account of the matter if it were +true, and, if it were not, to denounce from the altar the author of +the report, and contradict it in the paper at once. This is his reply. +He says, well, the first part is about Church matters: I need not +trouble you with it. He goes on to say----" + +"One moment. Is this his own hand-writing? It does not look like a +man's." + +"He suffers from rheumatism in the fingers of his right hand; and his +niece, who is an orphan, and lives with him, acts as his amanuensis. +Well----" + +"Stay. What is her name?" + +"Her name? Kate Hickey." + +"How old is she?" + +"Tush, man, she is only a little girl. If she were old enough to +concern you, I should not send you into her way. Have you any more +questions to ask about her?" + +"I fancy her in a white veil at the rite of confirmation, a type of +innocence. Enough of her. What says Reverend Hickey of the +apparitions?" + +"They are not apparitions. I will read you what he says. Ahem! 'In +reply to your inquiries concerning the late miraculous event in this +parish, I have to inform you that I can vouch for its truth, and that +I can be confirmed not only by the inhabitants of the place, who are +all Catholics, but by every persons acquainted with the former +situation of the graveyard referred to, including the Protestant +Archdeacon of Baltinglas, who spends six weeks annually in the +neighborhood. The newspaper account is incomplete and inaccurate. The +following are the facts: About four years ago, a man named Wolfe Tone +Fitzgerald settled in this village as a farrier. His antecedents did +not transpire, and he had no family. He lived by himself; was very +careless of his person; and when in his cups as he often was, regarded +the honor neither of God nor man in his conversation. Indeed if it +were not speaking ill of the dead, one might say that he was a dirty, +drunken, blasphemous blackguard. Worse again, he was, I fear, an +atheist; for he never attended Mass, and gave His Holiness worse +language even than he gave the Queen. I should have mentioned that he +was a bitter rebel, and boasted that his grandfather had been out in +'98, and his father with Smith O'Brien. At last he went by the name of +Brimstone Billy, and was held up in the village as the type of all +wickedness. + +"'You are aware that our graveyard, situate on the north side of the +water, is famous throughout the country as the burial-place of the +nuns of St. Ursula, the hermit of Four Mile Water, and many other holy +people. No Protestant has ever ventured to enforce his legal right of +interment there, though two have died in the parish within my own +recollection. Three weeks ago, this Fitzgerald died in a fit brought +on by drink; and a great hullabaloo was raised in the village when it +became known that he would be buried in the graveyard. The body had to +be watched to prevent its being stolen and buried at the crossroads. +My people were greatly disappointed when they were told I could do +nothing to stop the burial, particularly as I of course refused to +read any service on the occasion. However, I bade them not interfere; +and the interment was effected on the 14th of July, late in the +evening, and long after the legal hour. There was no disturbance. Next +morning, the graveyard was found moved to the south side of the water, +with the one newly-filled grave left behind on the north side; and +thus they both remain. The departed saints would not lie with the +reprobate. I can testify to it on the oath of a Christian priest; and +if this will not satisfy those outside the Church, everyone, as I said +before, who remembers where the graveyard was two months ago, can +confirm me. + +"'I respectfully suggest that a thorough investigation into the truth +of this miracle be proposed to a committee of Protestant gentlemen. +They shall not be asked to accept a single fact on hearsay from my +people. The ordnance maps shew where the graveyard was; and anyone can +see for himself where it is. I need not tell your Eminence what a +rebuke this would be to those enemies of the holy Church that have +sought to put a stain on her by discrediting the late wonderful +manifestations at Knock Chapel. If they come to Four Mile Water, they +need cross-examine no one. They will be asked to believe nothing but +their own senses. + +"'Awaiting your Eminence's counsel to guide me further in the matter, + + "'I am, etc.' + +"Well, Zeno," said my uncle: "what do you think of Father Hickey now?" + +"Uncle: do not ask me. Beneath this roof I desire to believe +everything. The Reverend Hickey has appealed strongly to my love of +legend. Let us admire the poetry of his narrative and ignore the +balance of probability between a Christian priest telling a lie on his +own oath and a graveyard swimming across a river in the middle of the +night and forgetting to return." + +"Tom Hickey is not telling a lie, you may take my word on that. But he +may be mistaken." + +"Such a mistake amounts to insanity. It is true that I myself, +awakening suddenly in the depth of night have found myself convinced +that the position of my bed had been reversed. But on opening my eyes +the illusion ceased. I fear Mr. Hickey is mad. Your best course is +this. Send down to Four Mile Water a perfectly sane investigator; an +acute observer; one whose perceptive faculties, at once healthy and +subtle, are absolutely unclouded by religious prejudice. In a word, +send me. I will report to you the true state of affairs in a few days; +and you can then make arrangements for transferring Hickey from the +altar to the asylum." + +"Yes I had intended to send you. You are wonderfully sharp; and you +would make a capital detective if you could only keep your mind to one +point. But your chief qualifications for this business is that you are +too crazy to excite the suspicion of those whom you have to watch. For +the affair may be a trick. If so, I hope and believe that Hickey has +no hand in it. Still, it is my duty to take every precaution." + +"Cardinal: may I ask whether traces of insanity have ever appeared in +our family?" + +"Except in you and in my grandmother, no. She was a Pole; and you +resemble her personally. Why do you ask?" + +"Because it has often occurred to me that you are perhaps a little +cracked. Excuse my candor; but a man who has devoted his life to the +pursuit of a red hat; who accuses everyone else beside himself of +being mad; and is disposed to listen seriously to a tale of a +peripatetic graveyard, can hardly be quite sane. Depend upon it, +uncle, you want rest and change. The blood of your Polish grandmother +is in your veins." + +"I hope I may not be committing a sin in sending a ribald on the +church's affairs," he replied, fervently. "However, we must use the +instruments put into our hands. Is it agreed that you go?" + +"Had you not delayed me with the story, which I might as well have +learned on the spot, I should have been there already." + +"There is no occasion for impatience, Zeno. I must send to Hickey and +find a place for you. I shall tell him you are going to recover your +health, as, in fact, you are. And, Zeno, in Heaven's name be discreet. +Try to act like a man of sense. Do not dispute with Hickey on matters +of religion. Since you are my nephew, you had better not disgrace me." + +"I shall become an ardent Catholic, and do you infinite credit, +uncle." + +"I wish you would, although you would hardly be an acquisition to the +Church. And now I must turn you out. It is nearly three o'clock; and I +need some sleep. Do you know your way back to your hotel?" + +"I need not stir. I can sleep in this chair. Go to bed, and never mind +me." + +"I shall not close my eyes until you are safely out of the house. +Come, rouse yourself and say good-night." + + * * * * * + +The following is a copy of my first report to the Cardinal:-- + + "Four Mile Water, County Wicklow, + 10th August. + +"My Dear Uncle, + +"The miracle is genuine. I have affected perfect credulity in order to +throw the Hickeys and countryfolk off their guard with me. I have +listened to their method of convincing the sceptical strangers. I have +examined the ordnance maps, and cross-examined the neighboring +Protestant gentlefolk. I have spent a day upon the ground on each side +of the water, and have visited it at midnight. I have considered the +upheaval theories, subsidence theories, volcanic theories, and tidal +wave theories which the provincial savants have suggested. They are +all untenable. There is only one scoffer in the district, an +Orangeman; and he admits the removal of the cemetery, but says it was +dug up and transplanted in the night by a body of men under the +command of Father Tom. This is also out of the question. The interment +of Brimstone Billy was the first which had taken place for four +years; and his is the only grave which bears the trace of recent +digging. It is alone on the north bank; and the inhabitants shun it +after night fall. As each passer-by during the day throws a stone upon +it, it will soon be marked by a large cairn. The graveyard, with a +ruined stone chapel still standing in its midst, is on the south side. +You may send down a committee to investigate the matter as soon as you +please. There can be no doubt as to the miracle having actually taken +place, as recorded by Hickey. As for me, I have grown so accustomed to +it that if the county Wicklow were to waltz off with me to Middlesex, +I should be quite impatient of any expression of surprise from my +friends in London. + +"Is not the above a businesslike statement? Away, then, with this +stale miracle. If you would see for yourself a miracle which can never +pall, a vision of youth and health to be crowned with garlands for +ever, come down and see Kate Hickey, whom you suppose to be a little +girl. Illusion, my lord cardinal, illusion! She is seventeen, with a +bloom and a brogue that would lay your asceticism in ashes at a flash. +To her I am an object of wonder, a strange man bred in wicked cities. +She is courted by six feet of farming material, chopped off a spare +length of coarse humanity by the Almighty, and flung into Wicklow to +plough the fields. His name is Phil Langan; and he hates me. I have to +consort with him for the sake of Father Tom, whom I entertain vastly +by stories of your wild oats sown at Salamanca. I exhausted my +authentic anecdotes the first day; and now I invent gallant escapades +with Spanish donnas, in which you figure as a youth of unstable +morals. This delights Father Tom infinitely. I feel that I have done +you a service by thus casting on the cold sacerdotal abstraction which +formerly represented you in Kate's imagination a ray of vivifying +passion. + +"What a country this is! A Hesperidean garden: such skies! Adieu, +uncle. + + "Zeno Legge." + + * * * * * + +Behold me, at Four Mile Water, in love. I had been in love frequently; +but not oftener than once a year had I encountered a woman who +affected me so seriously as Kate Hickey. She was so shrewd, and yet so +flippant! When I spoke of art she yawned. When I deplored the +sordidness of the world she laughed, and called me "poor fellow!" When +I told her what a treasure of beauty and freshness she had she +ridiculed me. When I reproached her with her brutality she became +angry, and sneered at me for being what she called a fine gentleman. +One sunny afternoon we were standing at the gate of her uncle's house, +she looking down the dusty road for the detestable Langan, I watching +the spotless azure sky, when she said: + +"How soon are you going back to London?" + +"I am not going back to London. Miss Hickey. I am not yet tired of +Four Mile Water." + +"I am sure that Four Mile Water ought to be proud of your +approbation." + +"You disapprove of my liking it, then? Or is it that you grudge me the +happiness I have found here? I think Irish ladies grudge a man a +moment's peace." + +"I wonder you have ever prevailed on yourself to associate with Irish +ladies, since they are so far beneath you." + +"Did I say they were beneath me, Miss Hickey? I feel that I have made +a deep impression on you." + +"Indeed! Yes, you're quite right. I assure you I can't sleep at night +for thinking of you, Mr. Legge. It's the best a Christian can do, +seeing you think so mightly little of yourself." + +"You are triply wrong, Miss Hickey: wrong to be sarcastic with me, +wrong to discourage the candor with which you think of me sometimes, +and wrong to discourage the candor with which I always avow that I +think constantly of myself." + +"Then you had better not speak to me, since I have no manners." + +"Again! Did I say you had no manners? The warmest expressions of +regard from my mouth seem to reach your ears transformed into insults. +Were I to repeat the Litany of the Blessed Virgin, you would retort as +though I had been reproaching you. This is because you hate me. You +never misunderstand Langan, whom you love." + +"I don't know what London manners are, Mr. Legge; but in Ireland +gentlemen are expected to mind their own business. How dare you say I +love Mr. Langan?" + +"Then you do not love him?" + +"It is nothing to you whether I love him or not." + +"Nothing to me that you hate me and love another?" + +"I didn't say I hated you. You're not so very clever yourself at +understanding what people say, though you make such a fuss because +they don't understand you." Here, as she glanced down the road she +suddenly looked glad. + +"Aha!" I said. + +"What do you mean by 'Aha!'" + +"No matter. I will now show you what a man's sympathy is. As you +perceived just then, Langan--who is too tall for his age, +by-the-by--is coming to pay you a visit. Well, instead of staying +with you, as a jealous woman would, I will withdraw." + +"I don't care whether you go or stay, I'm sure. I wonder what you +would give to be as fine a man as Mr. Langan?" + +"All I possess: I swear it! But solely because you admire tall men +more than broad views. Mr. Langan may be defined geometrically as +length without breadth; altitude without position; a line on the +landscape, not a point in it." + +"How very clever you are!" + +"You don't understand me, I see. Here comes your lover, stepping over +the wall like a camel. And here go I out through the gate like a +Christian. Good afternoon, Mr. Langan. I am going because Miss Hickey +has something to say to you about me which she would rather not say in +my presence. You will excuse me?" + +"Oh, I'll excuse you," he said boorishly. I smiled, and went out. +Before I was out of hearing, Kate whispered vehemently to him, "I hate +that fellow." + +I smiled again; but I had scarcely done so when my spirits fell. I +walked hastily away with a coarse threatening sound in my ears like +that of the clarionets whose sustained low notes darken the woodland +in "Der Frieschutz." I found myself presently at the graveyard. It was +a barren place, enclosed by a mud wall with a gate to admit funerals, +and numerous gaps to admit peasantry, who made short cuts across it as +they went to and fro between Four Mile Water and the market town. The +graves were mounds overgrown with grass: there was no keeper; nor were +there flowers, railings, or any other conventionalities that make an +English graveyard repulsive. A great thornbush, near what was called +the grave of the holy sisters, was covered with scraps of cloth and +flannel, attached by peasant women who had prayed before it. There +were three kneeling there as I enterd; for the reputation of the place +had been revived of late by the miracle; and a ferry had been +established close by, to conduct visitors over the route taken by the +graveyard. From where I stood I could see on the opposite bank the +heap of stones, perceptibly increased since my last visit, marking the +deserted grave of Brimstone Billy. I strained my eyes broodingly at it +for some minutes, and then descended the river bank and entered the +boat. + +"Good evenin t'your honor," said the ferryman, and set to work to draw +the boat over hand by a rope stretched across the water. + +"Good evening. Is your business beginning to fall off yet?" + +"Faith, it never was as good as it might a been. The people that comes +from the south side can see Billy's grave--Lord have mercy on +him!--across the wather; and they think bad of payin a penny to put a +stone over him. It's them that lives towrst Dublin that makes the +journey. Your honor is the third I've brought from the south to north +this blessed day." + +"When do most people come? In the afternoon, I suppose?" + +"All hours, sur, except afther dusk. There isn't a sowl in the +counthry ud come within sight of the grave wanst the sun goes down." + +"And you! do you stay here all night by yourself?" + +"The holy heavens forbid! Is it me stay here all night? No, your +honor: I tether the boat at siven o'hlyock, and lave Brimstone +Billy--God forgimme!--to take care of it t'll mornin." + +"It will be stolen some night, I'm afraid." + +"Arra, who'd dar come next or near it, let alone stale it? Faith, I'd +think twice before lookin at it meself in the dark. God bless your +honor, an gran'che long life." + +I had given him sixpence. I went on to the reprobate's grave and stood +at the foot of it, looking at the sky, gorgeous with the descent of +the sun. To my English eyes, accustomed to giant trees, broad lawns, +and stately mansions, the landscape was wild and inhospitable. The +ferryman was already tugging at the rope on his way back (I had told +him that I did not intend to return that way), and presently I saw him +make the painter fast to the south bank; put on his coat; and trudge +homeward. I turned to the grave at my feet. Those who had interred +Brimstone Billy, working hastily at an unlawful hour and in fear of +molestation by the people, had hardly dug a grave. They had scooped +out earth enough to hide their burden, and no more. A stray goat had +kicked away the corner of the mound and exposed the coffin. It +occurred to me, as I took some of the stones from the cairn, and +heaped them to repair the breach, that had the miracle been the work +of a body of men, they would have moved the one grave instead of the +many. Even from a supernatural point of view, it seemed strange that +the sinner should have banished the elect, when, by their superior +numbers, they might so much more easily have banished him. + +It was almost dark when I left the spot. After a walk of half a mile I +recrossed the water by a bridge and returned to the farm house in +which I lodged. Here, finding that I had enough of solitude, I only +stayed to take a cup of tea. Then I went to Father Hickey's cottage. + +Kate was alone when I entered. She looked up quickly as I opened the +door, and turned away disappointed when she recognized me. + +"Be generous for once," I said. "I have walked about aimlessly for +hours in order to avoid spoiling the beautiful afternoon for you by my +presence. When the sun was up I withdrew my shadow from your path. Now +that darkness has fallen, shed some light on mine. May I stay half an +hour?" + +"You may stay as long as you like, of course. My uncle will soon be +home. He is clever enough to talk to you." + +"What! More sarcasm! Come, Miss Hickey, help me to spend a pleasant +evening. It will only cost you a smile. I am somewhat cast down. Four +Mile Water is a paradise; but without you it would be lonely." + +"It must be very lonely for you. I wonder why you came here." + +"Because I heard that the women here were all Zerlinas, like you, and +the men Masettos, like Mr. Phil--where are you going to?" + +"Let me pass, Mr. Legge, I had intended never speaking to you again +after the way you went on about Mr. Langan today; and I wouldn't +either, only my uncle made me promise not to take any notice of you, +because you were--no matter; but I won't listen to you any more on the +subject." + +"Don't go. I swear never to mention his name again. I beg your pardon +for what I said: you shall have no further cause for complaint. Will +you forgive me?" + +She sat down evidently disappointed by my submission. I took a chair, +and placed myself near her. She tapped the floor impatiently with her +foot. I saw that there was not a movement that I could make, not a +look, not a tone of voice, which did not irritate her. + +"You were remarking," I said, "that your uncle desired you take no +notice of me because----" + +She closed her lips and did not answer. + +"I fear that I have offended you again by my curiosity. But indeed, I +had no idea that he had forbidden you to tell me the reason." + +"He did not forbid me. Since you are so determined to find out----" + +"No; excuse me. I do not wish to know, I am sorry I asked." + +"Indeed! Perhaps you would be sorrier if you were told I only made a +secret of it out of consideration for you." + +"Then your uncle has spoken ill of me behind my back. If that be so +there is no such thing as a true man in Ireland, I would not have +believed it on the word of any woman alive save yourself." + +"I never said my uncle was a backbiter. Just to shew you what he +thinks of you, I will tell you, whether you want to know or not, that +he bid me not mind you because you were only a poor mad creature, sent +down here by your family to be out of harm's way." + +"Oh, Miss Hickey!" + +"There now! you have got it out of me; and I wish I had bit my tongue +out first. I sometimes think--that I mayn't sin!--that you have a bad +angel in you." + +"I am glad you told me this," I said gently. "Do not reproach yourself +for having done so, I beg. Your uncle has been misled by what he has +heard of my family, who are all more or less insane. Far from being +mad, I am actually the only rational man named Legge in the three +kingdoms. I will prove this to you, and at the same time keep your +indiscretion in countenance, by telling you something I ought not to +tell you. It is this. I am not here as an invalid or a chance tourist. +I am here to investigate the miracle. The Cardinal, a shrewd and +somewhat erratic man, selected mine from all the long heads at his +disposal to come down here, and find out the truth of Father Hickey's +story. Would he have entrusted such a task to a madman, think you?" + +"The truth of--who dared to doubt my uncle's word? And so you are a +spy, a dirty informer." + +I started. The adjective she had used, though probably the commonest +expression of contempt in Ireland, is revolting to an Englishman. + +"Miss Hickey," I said: "there is in me, as you have said, a bad angel. +Do not shock my good angel--who is a person of taste--quite away from +my heart, lest the other be left undisputed monarch of it. Hark! The +chapel bell is ringing the angelus. Can you, with that sound softening +the darkness of the village night, cherish a feeling of spite against +one who admires you?" + +"You come between me and my prayers" she said hysterically, and began +to sob. She had scarcely done so when I heard voices without. Then +Langan and the priest entered. + +"Oh, Phil," she cried, running to him, "take me away from him: I cant +bear----" I turned towards him, and shewed him my dog-tooth in a false +smile. He felled me at one stroke, as he might have felled a +poplar-tree. + +"Murdher!" exclaimed the priest. "What are you doin, Phil?" + +"He's an informer," sobbed Kate. "He came down here to spy on you, +uncle, and to try and show that the blessed miracle was a makeshift. I +knew it long before he told me, by his insulting ways. He wanted to +make love to me." + +I rose with difficulty from beneath the table where I had lain +motionless for a moment. + +"Sir," I said, "I am somewhat dazed by the recent action of Mr. +Langan, whom I beg, the next time he converts himself into a +fulling-mill, to do so at the expense of a man more nearly his equal +in strength than I. What your niece has told you is partly true. I am +indeed the Cardinal's spy; and I have already reported to him that the +miracle is a genuine one. A committee of gentlemen will wait on you +tomorrow to verify it, at my suggestion. I have thought that the proof +might be regarded by them as more complete if you were taken by +surprise. Miss Hickey: that I admire all that is admirable in you is +but to say that I have a sense of the beautiful. To say that I love +you would be mere profanity. Mr. Langan: I have in my pocket a loaded +pistol which I carry from a silly English prejudice against your +countrymen. Had I been the Hercules of the ploughtail, and you in my +place, I should have been a dead man now. Do not redden: you are safe +as far as I am concerned." + +"Let me tell you before you leave my house for good," said Father +Hickey, who seemed to have become unreasonably angry, "that you should +never have crossed my threshold if I had known you were a spy: no, not +if your uncle were his Holiness the Pope himself." + +Here a frightful thing happened to me. I felt giddy, and put my hand +on my head. Three warm drops trickled over it. I instantly became +murderous. My mouth filled with blood; my eyes were blinded with it. +My hand went involuntarily to the pistol. It is my habit to obey my +impulses instantaneously. Fortunately the impulse to kill vanished +before a sudden perception of how I might miraculously humble the mad +vanity in which these foolish people had turned upon me. The blood +receded from my ears; and I again heard and saw distinctly. + +"And let me tell you," Langan was saying, "that if you think yourself +handier with cold lead than you are with your fists, I'll exchange +shots with you, and welcome, whenever you please. Father Tom's credit +is the same to me as my own; and if you say a word against it, you +lie." + +"His credit is in my hands," I said, "I am the Cardinal's witness. Do +you defy me?" + +"There is the door," said the priest, holding it open before me. +"Until you can undo the visible work of God's hand your testimony can +do no harm to me." + +"Father Hickey," I replied, "before the sun rises again upon Four Mile +Water, I will undo the visible work of God's hand, and bring the +pointing finger of the scoffer upon your altar." + +I bowed to Kate, and walked out. It was so dark that I could not at +first see the garden gate. Before I found it, I heard through the +window Father Hickey's voice, saying, "I wouldn't for ten pounds that +this had happened, Phil. He's as mad as a march hare. The Cardinal +told me so." + +I returned to my lodging, and took a cold bath to cleanse the blood +from my neck and shoulder. The effect of the blow I had received was +so severe, that even after the bath and a light meal I felt giddy and +languid. There was an alarum-clock on the mantle piece: I wound it; +set the alarum for half-past twelve; muffled it so that it should not +disturb the people in the adjoining room; and went to bed, where I +slept soundly for an hour and a quarter. Then the alarum roused me, +and I sprang up before I was thoroughly awake. Had I hesitated, the +desire to relapse into perfect sleep would have overpowered me. +Although the muscles of my neck were painfully stiff, and my hands +unsteady from my nervous disturbance, produced by the interruption of +my first slumber, I dressed myself resolutely, and, after taking a +draught of cold water, stole out of the house. It was exceedingly +dark; and I had some difficulty in finding the cow-house, whence I +borrowed a spade, and a truck with wheels, ordinarily used for moving +sacks of potatoes. These I carried in my hands until I was beyond +earshot of the house, when I put the spade on the truck, and wheeled +it along the road to the cemetery. When I approached the water, +knowing that no one would dare come thereabout at such an hour I made +greater haste, no longer concerning myself about the rattling of the +wheels. Looking across to the opposite bank, I could see a +phosophorescent glow, marking the lonely grave of Brimstone Billy. +This helped me to find the ferry station, where, after wandering a +little and stumbling often, I found the boat, and embarked with my +implements. Guided by the rope, I crossed the water without +difficulty; landed; made fast the boat; dragged the truck up the bank; +and sat down to rest on the cairn at the grave. For nearly a quarter +of an hour I sat watching the patches of jack-o-lantern fire, and +collecting my strength for the work before me. Then the distant bell +of the chapel clock tolled one. I arose; took the spade; and in about +ten minutes uncovered the coffin, which smelt horribly. Keeping to +windward of it, and using the spade as a lever, I contrived with great +labor to place it on the truck. I wheeled it without accident to the +landing place, where, by placing the shafts of the truck upon the +stern of the boat and lifting the foot by main strength, I succeeded +in embarking my load after twenty minutes' toil, during which I got +covered with clay and perspiration, and several times all but upset +the boat. At the southern bank I had less difficulty in getting the +coffin ashore, dragging it up to the graveyard. + +It was now past two o'clock, and the dawn had begun; so that I had no +further trouble for want of light. I wheeled the coffin to a patch of +loamy soil which I had noticed in the afternoon near the grave of the +holy sisters. I had warmed to my work; my neck no longer pained me; +and I began to dig vigorously, soon making a shallow trench, deep +enough to hide the coffin with the addition of a mound. The chill +pearl-coloured morning had by this time quite dissipated the darkness. +I could see, and was myself visible, for miles around. This alarmed, +and made me impatient to finish my task. Nevertheless, I was forced to +rest for a moment before placing the coffin in the trench. I wiped my +brow and wrists, and again looked about me. The tomb of the holy +women, a massive slab supported on four stone spheres, was grey and +wet with dew. Near it was the thornbush covered with rags, the newest +of which were growing gaudy in the radiance which was stretching up +from the coast on the east. It was time to finish my work. I seized +the truck; laid it alongside the grave; and gradually pried the coffin +off with the spade until it rolled over into the trench with a hollow +sound like a drunken remonstrance from the sleeper within. I shovelled +the earth round and over it, working as fast as possible. In less than +a quarter of an hour it was buried. Ten minutes more sufficed to make +the mound symmetrical, and to clear the adjacent ward. Then I flung +down the spade; threw up my arms; and vented a sigh of relief and +triumph. But I recoiled as I saw that I was standing on a barren +common, covered with furze. No product of man's handiwork was near me +except my truck and spade and the grave of Brimstone Billy, now as +lonely as before. I turned towards the water. On the opposite bank was +the cemetery, with the tomb of the holy women, the thornbush with its +rags stirring in the morning breeze, and the broken mud wall. The +ruined chapel was there, too, not a stone shaken from its crumbling +walls, not a sign to shew that it and its precinct were less rooted in +their place than the eternal hills around. + +I looked down at the grave with a pang of compassion for the +unfortunate Wolf Tone Fitzgerald, with whom the blessed would not +rest. I was even astonished, though I had worked expressly to this +end. But the birds were astir, and the cocks crowing. My landlord was +an early riser. I put the spade on the truck again, and hastened back +to the farm, where I replaced them in the cow-house. Then I stole into +the house, and took a clean pair of boots, an overcoat, and a silk +hat. These with a change of linen, were sufficient to make my +appearance respectable. I went out again, bathed in Four Mile Water, +took a last look at the cemetery, and walked to Wicklow, whence I +traveled by the first train to Dublin. + + * * * * * + +Some months later, at Cairo, I received a packet of Irish newspapers, +and a leading article, cut from The Times, on the subject of the +miracle. Father Hickey had suffered the meed of his inhospitable +conduct. The committee, arriving at Four Mile Water the day after I +left, had found the graveyard exactly where it formerly stood. Father +Hickey, taken by surprise, had attempted to defend himself by a +confused statement, which led the committee to declare finally that +the miracle was a gross imposture. The Times, commenting on this after +adducing a number of examples of priestly craft, remarked, "We are +glad to learn that the Rev. Mr. Hickey has been permanently relieved +of his duties as the parish priest of Four Mile Water by his +ecclesiastical superior. It is less gratifying to have to record that +it has been found possible to obtain two hundred signatures to a +memorial embodying the absurd defence offered to the committee, and +expressing unabated confidence in the integrity of Mr. Hickey." + +London, 1885. + + + + * * * * * + +Transcriber's Notes: + +Pg. 8: statute changed to statue (There was a statue of the Virgin) + +Pg. 10: dangenerous changed to dangerous (are dangerous for you in +your present morbid state.) + +All other questionable or quaint spellings have been kept as in the +original book. + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Miraculous Revenge, by Bernard Shaw + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MIRACULOUS REVENGE *** + +***** This file should be named 20336.txt or 20336.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/0/3/3/20336/ + +Produced by Ted Garvin, Diane Monico, and the Project +Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team at +http://www.pgdp.net. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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