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| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 01:22:34 -0700 |
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| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 01:22:34 -0700 |
| commit | 38b79be0d9053b21d1c58b46f4d540e1e6eebb5f (patch) | |
| tree | fd08a4c17008b7ccf6249c06e79ee59697f880bb /20334-h | |
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border-bottom-style: none; +} +.figure p { + margin: 0px; text-indent: 1em; +} +.figcenter p { + margin: 0px; text-indent: 1em; +} +.figright p { + margin: 0px; text-indent: 1em; +} +.figleft p { + margin: 0px; text-indent: 1em; +} +.figure p.in { + margin: 0px; text-indent: 8em; +} +.figcenter p.in { + margin: 0px; text-indent: 8em; +} +.figright p.in { + margin: 0px; text-indent: 8em; +} +.figleft p.in { + margin: 0px; text-indent: 8em; +} +.figcenter { + margin: auto; +} +.figright { + float: right; +} +.figleft { + float: left; +} + + a:link { + color: #3300ff; + background: #ffffff; + text-decoration: none; + } + + a:visited { + color: #3300ff; + background: #ffffff; + text-decoration: none; + } + + a:active { + color: #3300ff; + background: #ffffff; + text-decoration: none; + } + + +</style> + +</head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 159, +December 29, 1920, by Various + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 159, December 29, 1920 + +Author: Various + +Editor: Owen Seaman + +Release Date: January 11, 2007 [EBook #20334] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH *** + + + + +Produced by Lesley Halamek, Jonathan Ingram and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + + <h1>PUNCH,<br /> + OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.</h1> + + <h2>Vol. 159.</h2> + <hr class="full" /> + + <h2>29th December, 1920.</h2> + <hr class="full" /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page501" id="page501"></a>[pg 501]</span> + + +<h4>CHARIVARIA.</h4> + +<p>No newspapers were published on +Saturday, Sunday or Monday. We did +not begrudge them their holiday, but +we do think <i>The Daily Mail</i> might have +issued occasional bulletins respecting +the weather at Thanet, as we consider +three days is too long to keep their +readers in suspense.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>The most popular indoor game this +winter seems to be Battledore-and-Juttlecock.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>A woman informed a London magistrate +last Tuesday that her husband +thrashed her at Easter, Whitsuntide +and on August Bank +Holiday. Our thoughts +were constantly with +her during the recent +Yuletide festivities.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>Readers should not +be alarmed if a curious +rustling noise is heard +next Saturday morning. +It will be simply the +sound of new leaves being +turned over.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>In view of the possible +increase of their +salaries it is not the +intention of Members +of Parliament to solicit +Christmas-boxes. +Householders, therefore, +should be on their +guard against men passing +themselves off as +M.P.s.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>Our attention is drawn +to the fact that the latest +photograph of Mr. <span class="sc">Lloyd George</span> +shows him to be smoking a cigar with +the band on. We can only say that +<span class="sc">Cromwell</span> wouldn't have done it.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>Our magistrates appear to be made +of poor stuff these days. A man named +<span class="sc">Snail</span> was last week summoned before +the Feltham magistrates for exceeding +the speed limit, yet no official joke was +made. Incidentally, why is it that +Mr. Justice <span class="sc">Darling</span> never gets a real +chance like this?</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>A New York policeman has been +arrested in the act of removing a safe +from a large drapery store. It is said +that upon being seen by another policeman +he offered to run and fetch a burglar.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>Mme. <span class="sc">Delysia</span> has been bitten by a +dog in New York. The owner's defence, +that the animal had never tasted +famous dancer before, is not likely to be +accepted.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>Like a soothing balm just before the +old year dies comes the intimation from +Mr. <span class="sc">Lovat Fraser</span> that there is a bright +side to things.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>With reference to the opening of the +pantomime season it is reported that +a couple of new jokes have been found +nesting in a Glasgow theatre.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>Psychologists are inclined to attribute +the recent night stampede of sheep in +the Midlands, when thousands of them +jumped their hurdles, to the influence +of a large number of people concentrating +on a well-known remedy for sleeplessness.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>It is stated that rabies does not +exist in Ireland. Our opinion is that +it wouldn't be noticed if it did.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>Very few English Christmas customs, +we hear, are prevalent out in Russia. +We have always felt that the custom of +clients giving Christmas-boxes to their +executioners will never become very +popular.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>It is rumoured that the repeated +assassinations of General <span class="sc">Villa</span> have +made it necessary for him to resign his +position as Permanent Chief Insurgent +to the State of Mexico.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p><i>The Morning Post</i> has remarked that +nowadays the Eton boy is often reduced +to travelling third-class. It is hoped to +persuade Sir <span class="sc">Eric Geddes</span> to disguise +himself as an Eton boy during the holidays +to see how it feels.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>It is now admitted that the plum-pudding +which was badly mauled by a +small boy in the Hoxton district on +Christmas Day began it by inviting his +assailant to "come on."</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p><span class="sc">D'Annunzio</span> is reported to be coming +to a more reasonable frame of mind. +Apparently he is disposed to allow Italy +a certain measure of independence.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>People step out into the road and +never look to right or left, says a London +coroner. This makes things far too +easy for motorists.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>Dr. <span class="sc">A. Graham Bell</span> +recently told a Derby +audience how he invented +the telephone. +We note that he still +refuses to say why.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>We are informed that, +on and after the 1st of +January, Mr. <span class="sc">Churchill</span> +cannot undertake +to refute the opinions +of any writer who has +not been officially recognised +as a best seller.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>A scientist has succeeded +in putting a pea +to sleep with electro-magnetism. +The clumsy +old method of drowning +it in a plate of soup +should now be a thing +of the past.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>General <span class="sc">Townshend</span> +says that with seventy thousand men +he could have conquered half Asia. +But then he might have lost Mr. +<span class="sc">Horatio Bottomley</span>.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>What we want now is something to +make the world safe for those who made +the world safe for democracy.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>There is now on the market a new +patent contrivance which gives warning +when the contents of an oven are on +the point of burning. We have secured +a sample, but unfortunately our cook +still relies on her sense of smell.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>"Leather is now much cheaper," we +read. Yet we have noticed no drop in +the price of restaurant steak.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>On January 1st the Ministry of Munitions +will enter upon its second year +of winding up.</p> + +<hr /> + +<div class="figcenter"> +<a href="images/501.png"><img src="images/501-600.png" width="600" height="460" alt="OUR GOGGLERS." /></a> +<h4>OUR GOGGLERS.</h4> +<p class="center"><i>First Girl in grandmotherly spectacles (to second ditto).</i> "<span class="sc">How +frightfully +out of date that woman is. Fancy—lorgnettes</span>!"</p> +</div><br /><br /> + +<hr /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page502" id="page502"></a>[pg 502]</span> + +<h3>THE HAPPY HOOTS.</h3> + +<p>Yes, it is nearly twelve now. In +ten minutes we shall hear the bells—I +mean the hooters. I wonder if there +were hooters when <span class="sc">Tennyson</span> wrote +those popular lines about ringing in the +New Year. Very likely he didn't hear +them if there were, as there's nothing +to show that he ever really stayed up +late enough to see the New Year in. +It's a pity, because the hooters would +have fitted in to that poem most beautifully. +The hooting idea is just what is +wanted to give a dramatic contrast to +the sugary ringing business.</p> + +<div class="poem"> <div class="stanza"> +<p>"Ring out the false, ring in the true"</p> + </div> </div> + +<p>doesn't <i>convince</i> somehow; it's too +impartial. One doesn't say to the footman, +"Show the Rector up, please, and +show this blackmailer out," even at the +Lyceum. One says, "<i>Kick</i> this black-hearted +hound out," and the footman +realises then that you have something +against the fellow. Just so one doesn't +gather from the above line that the +poet has any strong preference as between +the false and the true, except +that there is no good rhyme to "the +false," unless you can count "waltz"; +but what about—</p> + +<div class="poem"> <div class="stanza"> +<p><i>Hoot</i> out the old, ring in the new;</p> +<p><i>Hoot</i> out the false, ring in the true?</p> + </div> </div> + +<p>Magnificent! There's some sting in +that; it "gets over," and it brings the +whole poem into harmony with modern +practice.</p> + +<p>Come on, we'd better have another +dance before the great moment. I +wonder if <span class="sc">Tennyson</span> ever saw the New +Year in at two guineas a head. I don't +expect so. For that matter it's the +first time we've done it at an expensive +public "Revel" ourselves; but then +this is the first year we've been absolutely +bankrupt. Up till now we've +been rather well off, and have celebrated +cheaply at home. Do you realise +that this is our wedding-day? I believe +you'd forgotten; women never +remember these things. Yes, it's six +years ... Six years. And this is the +first year we've been bankrupt. All +the same, as I say, it's the first year +we've come out and had a jolly good +supper. Reckless? Yes, I'm afraid +we are. But we've caught it from the +Government ... However, to-morrow +we'll start a new cheque-book.</p> + +<p>Have you made your resolutions yet? +I have. Do you remember this time +last year? You said you'd keep accounts, +and I said I wouldn't smoke so +much. And all the year through our +resolution has never wavered. I've got +evidence of that. Look at my diary. +Here we are:—</p> + +<p><i>January 1st.</i>—G. started keeping accounts. +Gave up smoking.</p> + +<p>And here we are again:—</p> + +<p><i>March 20th.</i>—G. started accounts.</p> + +<p style="margin-top: -1em;"><i>March 29th.</i>—Knocked off smoking.</p> + +<p>That shows it was no mere flash-in-the-pan, +doesn't it?</p> + +<p>And we <i>went on</i> like that. Look at +this:—</p> + +<p><i>June 6th.</i>—Gave up smoking.</p> + +<p style="margin-top: -1em;"><i>June 7th.</i>—Only one pipe since yesterday.</p> + +<p style="margin-top: -1em;"><i>June 30th.</i>—Cut myself down to four +pipes a day.</p> + +<p style="margin-top: -1em;"><i>July 1st-9th.</i>—G. keeping accounts; +knocked off smoking.</p> + +<p>But I wonder why I kept writing it +down. Even in September, you see, I +wasn't taking it for granted:—</p> + +<p><i>September 29th.</i>—Quarter-Day. Not +smoking this quarter. G. began new +system of accounts.</p> + +<p>It looks like bragging, doesn't it? +But I don't think I can have meant it +that way. Still, it is rather marvellous, +when you come to think of it—here we +are, after all these months, twelve of +them, and we still stick doggedly to +the same unswerving resolution. Nothing +can alter it. That's what I call +tenacity of purpose.</p> + +<p>You don't think I'm serious? But +I am. I'm just as serious as I was +last year. This year I <i>shall</i> give up +smoking. Only I think you ought to +give up your hot-water bottle in sympathy. +You won't? No, I know you +won't. You're a slave of the bottle, +you see. It doesn't do you any harm? +Oh, yes it does. It makes your backbone +flabby, and it makes you susceptible +to colds, and it gives you chilblains, +and, anyhow, it's morally pernicious, +because it's an <i>indulgence</i> ... If I'd +known you were a hot-water-bottle +woman before we were married ... +However, we needn't go into that. But +if you won't give up your bottle I +shan't give up smoking after all.</p> + +<p>Look, they're opening the windows. +We shall all catch cold. Can you hear +anything? I can hear those people +eating. What a draught! Can you +hear anything? I can hear the eaters +quite plainly now. Here comes Father +Christmas. I believe he is going to +give us all gifts.</p> + +<p>Can you hear anything yet? I have +been given a diary. What have you +got? Another diary? Is yours for +1921? So is mine. How dull! Christmas +will be on a Sunday next year, I +see. So will our wedding-day. I hope +you'll remember it this time. And +they have arranged for the Spring to +begin on March 21st. Think of it! +Spring—in less than three months!</p> + +<p>There they go.</p> + +<div class="poem"> <div class="stanza"> +<p>Hoot out, wild hooters, to the wild sky!</p> + </div> </div> + +<p>What a jolly noise! Much better than +bells, really much more accurate as an expression +of one's feelings. There's a sort +of "faint but pursuing" note about it. +And that's how I feel, rather. It was +a dreadful year, really, wasn't it?—that +last one, I mean. No money, no +clothes—nothing but rates and dentists +and small accounts respectfully submitted +for our esteemed favour. One +long crisis.... But we kept the flag +flying. This year——</p> + +<p>Hallo! somebody 's going to recite. +What do you think it will be? You'll +never guess. Yes, you're quite right.</p> + +<div class="poem"> <div class="stanza"> +<p>Ring out a slowly-dying cause</p> +<p>And ancient forms of party strife.</p> + </div> </div> + +<p>That sounds like a bit of Government +propaganda. Disgraceful, I call it. If +I was a Wee Free——</p> + +<div class="poem"> <div class="stanza"> +<p>Ring in the nobler modes of life,</p> +<p>With sweeter manners——</p> + </div> </div> + +<p>That's a hit at somebody, too, I +shouldn't wonder. Somebody must have +written a topical verse for the occasion. +Those people are still eating. I expect +they are doing Hog-money, or whatever +it is....</p> + +<p>Are you still as obstinate as ever +about that hot-water bottle? Very well, +then, I shall now have the first smoke +of the New Year. Oh, no; we 've got +to do <i>Auld Lang Syne</i> first. I never +<i>can</i> smoke while I'm singing.</p> + +<p>"Should auld acquaintance ..." +Do you know any of the people here? +No? Do you ever want to see any of +them again? No? Never mind, they've +all paid a lot of money to hold our +hands; let them have their money's +worth ... "A right gude willie-waucht +..." Waiter! One large willie-waucht, +please, and a small pint stoup ... Do +you realise that this is the only night +in the year when you can get a willie-waucht +at this hour? What a world!</p> + +<p>Six years. Do you see that nice +couple over there? I bet they haven't +been married as long as we have. And +I bet they're not so bankrupt. This is +going to be a dreadful year. I can see +that at once. But we'll keep the flag +flying.</p> + +<p>Ah, here come the willie-wauchts. +Thank you, waiter.</p> + +<p>Well, my dear—a cup of kindness +with you. Here's luck!</p> +<p class="author">A. P. H.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>Natural History on the Football Field.</h4> + +<blockquote><p> +"St. Columb's Court and North-End met at +The Farm, when St. Columb's Court were the +victors by three goats to one."</p> +<p class="author">—<i>Irish Paper.</i> +</p></blockquote> + +<hr /> + +<blockquote><p> +"Harry —— (19), described as a comedian, +was bound over in £5 for six months under +the rug, the property of Hilda ——."</p> + +<p class="author"><i>Provincial Paper.</i> +</p></blockquote> + +<p>It seems that <span class="sc">Harry</span> was not the only +comedian in court.</p> + +<hr /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page503" id="page503"></a>[pg 503]</span> + +<div class="figcenter"> +<a href="images/503.png"><img src="images/503-372.png" width="372" height="450" alt="A BOXING NIGHTMARE." /></a> +<h4>A BOXING NIGHTMARE.</h4> +<p class="center"><span class="sc">The Good Fairy Georgina.</span> "I WAVE MY WAND—UTOPIA DOTH APPEAR ...</p> +<p class="center" style="margin-left: 10em;">(<i>extemporising</i>) SOMETHING'S GONE WRONG. O DEAR! O DEAR! O DEAR!"</p> +</div><br /><br /> + +<hr /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page504" id="page504"></a>[pg 504]</span> + +<div class="figcenter"> +<a href="images/504.png"><img src="images/504-600.png" width="600" height="406" alt="'The hounds meet on the lawn to-morrow, my dear.'" /></a> +<p class="center"><i>Post-War Sportsman</i>. "<span class="sc">The hounds meet on the lawn +to-morrow, my dear. We must give them a stirrup-cup.</span>"</p> +<p class="center"><i>Wife.</i> "<span class="sc">I hope the chef knows how to make it. If not I suppose +claret-cup would do</span>?"</p> +</div><br /><br /> + +<hr /> + +<h3>ELIZABETH'S CHRISTMAS.</h3> + +<p>"I've always thort 'ow I'd love to +'ave a reel nice Christmas," remarked +Elizabeth—"a jolly proper kind o' one, +you know, 'm."</p> + +<p>"Don't you find Christmas a pleasant +time, then?" I inquired.</p> + +<p>"Well, you see, 'm, I bin in service +ever since I was turned fifteen, an' you +know wot Christmas in service is. An +extry tip, I will say, but a lot of extry +work to go along with it—and wot +washin' up! Some'ow it orl seems so +different in books an' on the pictures."</p> + +<p>She sighed as she spoke and a look +that was almost human crept into the +arid region of her countenance. A +feeling of compunction swept over me. +Was it possible that this poor simple +girl concealed depths of conviviality in +her nature and a genial disposition +which I, in common with all her former +employers, had carelessly overlooked? +I will admit that this unexpected phase +in Elizabeth's character touched and +interested me.</p> + +<p>"Elizabeth," I cried in a sudden glow +of enthusiasm, "you shall have your +jolly Christmas—I will provide it. You +shall have your turkey, plum-pudding, +mince-pies, crackers, mistletoe and all +the rest of it." <i>Cheeryble</i> in his most +beneficent mood could not have felt +more expansive than I did just then. +"You can invite your friends; we shall +not be at home, so you will have the +place to yourself."</p> + +<p>"Lor!" she ejaculated. "D'ye reerly +mean it, 'm?"</p> + +<p>"I do, Elizabeth. Let me know the +sort of Christmas you've always longed +for and I'll see that you get it."</p> + +<p>She drew up her lank form and her +face shone. "Well, 'm, I don't know +where you get 'em, but for one thing +I've often thort as 'ow I'd like to 'ave +a festlebord."</p> + +<p>"What's that?" I asked, puzzled. +"Is it in the Stores' list?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know, 'm, but there's always +a lot about it in the books. When +the Squire's son comes 'ome repentant +at Christmas-tide they always gathers +round a festlebord and rejoices."</p> + +<p>I began to see light. "You mean a +'festal board'?"</p> + +<p>"That's wot I sed, 'm."</p> + +<p>"Well, you shall have one, Elizabeth, +I'll see to that. I'd let you have a +Squire's son as well, but unfortunately +the only ones I know are not repentant—as +yet. And now tell me which of +your friends you would like to invite."</p> + +<p>"There's my sister-in-lor 'ud like to +come—'er that I 'aven't been on speakin' +terms with for five years—but she +shan't. An' my friend isn't comin'; I'll +see to that arter the things she sed +about me to my young man's cousin—sorcy +baggage! As for my two aunts +they don't set foot under the same roof +as me arter the way——"</p> + +<p>"Never mind about the people you're +not inviting," I broke in; "we don't +need a list of them. Who do you want +to come?"</p> + +<p>"Well, there's Mrs. Spurge, the +char—a real nice lady, as you know, +'m. Then I'd like to arsk Polly, the +sister of the cook wot lives in the 'ouse +at the corner with red 'air; an' there's +Mary Baxter. An' isn't it lucky my +sailor-brother will be 'ome for the first +time in ten years? Can 'e come too, +'m? 'E's been round the world twice."</p> + +<p>"In that case, Elizabeth, he certainly +ought to be invited. He may even have +returned home repentant, so you will +be able to rejoice at the festal board in +proper style."</p> + +<p>"Oh, 'm, isn't it luverly? I won't +'arf have a beano this Christmas. Wot +a time we'll 'ave, <i>wot</i> a time!"</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>For my part I did not pass a very +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page505" id="page505"></a>[pg 505]</span> +blithesome Christmas. Henry's aunt, +who invited us, is rich, but she is also +dull, and several times I found myself +rather envying Elizabeth. While Aunt +Jane nodded in her chair, Henry and +I pictured those boisterous revels of +Elizabeth and her friends, their boundless +mirth, their unrestrained gaiety. +We imagined them too gathered round +the sailor-brother, listening with rapt +delight as he told them stories of the +far-off wonder-lands he had known. +Henry sighed then and said there were +times when he envied the so-called +lower classes their capacity for enjoyment.</p> + +<p>When we returned home Elizabeth +greeted us with beaming countenance. +"I 'ope you 'ad a good time," she said; +"I know <i>I</i> 'ad."</p> + +<p>"Then it really was as nice as you +thought it would be, Elizabeth?"</p> + +<p>"It was first-rate, 'm. Leastways +orl went well until arter dinner, when +we begins chippin' each other and ends +in 'avin' a few words. My sailor-brother +started it by chaffin' Polly +about 'er red 'air an' arskin' why she +didn't cut it orf, an' she told 'im then +that if 'e'd such an objection to red she +wondered 'e didn't cut 'is own nose orf. +Arter that one thing led to another; we +took sides an'——"</p> + +<p>"Oh, Elizabeth, you don't mean to +say you quarrelled?" I interrupted sorrowfully.</p> + +<p>"Oh, no, it wasn't quarrellin', 'm—just +bargin', you know. Any'ow it +ended in Polly an' Mary an' my brother +goin' off early. I was chilly to Mrs. +Spurge owin' to 'er 'avin' said that she +didn't believe my sailor-brother 'd ever +been further than Wapping in a coal-barge. +I shouldn't 'ave spoke to 'er +again that evenin' if the book 'adn't +brought us together again friendly, +like."</p> + +<p>"What book?" I asked, bewildered.</p> + +<p>"One of yours that I got out of the +study, 'm. Oh, <i>wot</i> a book! Sorter +ghost story in a manner o' speakin'. I +laughed an' I cried over it, turn about. +So did Mrs. Spurge. You see we read +bits out to each other—kep it up till +three o'clock in the mornin', we did. +It was luverly!"</p> + +<p>"And what was the book called?" I +inquired.</p> + +<p>"It's called <i>A Christmas Car'l</i>, 'm, +by Mr. <span class="sc">Dickings</span>. Why didn't nobody +tell me about it afore? It's far +better 'n the pictures. 'Just like +'eaven,' Mrs. Spurge said."</p> + +<p>"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, +Elizabeth."</p> + +<p>"It's the 'appiest Christmas I ever +'ad, 'm. That there Mr. Dickings is +a one! 'E do know wot's wot in festlebords."</p> + +<hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<a href="images/505.png"><img src="images/505-300.png" width="300" height="453" alt="I says, 'You've nobbut to lie awake. I've got to lie awake an' corf.'" /></a> +<p class="center"><i>Patient</i>. "<span class="sc">My missis sent me fur a bottle o' medicine +fur me corf. She says it keeps her awake o' nights. I says, 'You've nobbut to lie awake. I've +got to lie awake an' corf</span>.'"</p> + +</div><br /><br /> + + +<hr /> + +<h3>HOW, WHY AND WHAT.</h3> + +<p><i>(Being the Tragedy of the Conscientious +Inquirer who fell among Philistines.)</i></p> + +<div class="poem"> <div class="stanza"> +<p>There was an old man who said, "How</p> +<p>Can I link the To-Be with the Now?"</p> +<p class="i6"> But they said, "Poor old thing!</p> +<p class="i6"> You've been reading Dean <span class="sc">Inge</span>,</p> +<p>And you're <i>not</i> high enough in the brow."</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p>But in spite of this check he said, "Why</p> +<p>Is my Ego the same as my I?"</p> +<p class="i6"> So they put him to bed</p> +<p class="i6"> And placed ice on his head</p> +<p>till the cerebral storm had passed by.</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p>Now I'm told he is asking them, "What</p> +<p>Use has psycho-analysis got?"</p> +<p class="i6"> And they answer, "N.E.</p> +<p class="i6"> If you're not an M.D.,</p> +<p>Or a novelist minus a plot."</p> + </div> </div> + +<hr /> + +<blockquote><p> +"A cargo of 800 German pianos arrived at +the Tyne from Hamburg on Saturday."</p> + + +<p class="author"><i>Daily Paper</i>. +</p></blockquote> + +<p>Another key industry in danger.</p> + +<hr /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page506" id="page506"></a>[pg 506]</span> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<a href="images/506.png"><img src="images/506-600.png" width="600" height="351" alt="UNFINISHED DRAWING FOR 'PUNCH' BY THE LATE F. H. TOWNSEND." border="0" /></a> +<h4>UNFINISHED DRAWING FOR "PUNCH" BY THE LATE F. H. TOWNSEND.</h4> +<p class="center"><span class="sc">The figure of the little girl was sketched on the morning of his death. The +legend which this picture was to +illustrate is not known</span>.</p> +</div><br /><br /> + +<hr /> + + +<h3>MAYBIRDS.</h3> + +<p>I can see some justification for keeping +peacocks, especially if you have +shaven lawns and terraces and sundials, +though sundials, I imagine, are +rather a nuisance now-a-days, because +of the trouble of having them reset for +summer and winter time. Peacocks at +any rate are beautiful, and, if their voices +are apt in England to become a little +hoarse, that is only because they screech +when the weather is going to be bad.</p> + +<p>The pheasant is also a useful and +beautiful fowl. One may put down +bread-crumbs to attract the pheasant +to one's garden when he is alive, or to +one's plate when he is dead.</p> + +<p>But I can see no justification whatever +for keeping maybirds, for they +are neither useful nor beautiful. Perhaps +you do not know what a maybird +is. I have five maybirds. I have them +because people here would keep saying +to me, "Look at the price of fresh eggs, +and how much nicer it is to have your +own." It is a curious thing about the +country that people are always giving +one disinterested advice in the matter +of domestic economy. In London it is +different. In London people let you +take a twopenny bus ticket to Westminster +instead of walking across the +Park, and go to ruin in your own sweet +way. They rather admire your dash. +But in the country they tell you about +these things.</p> + +<p>So I went to a man and confessed to +him my trouble about fresh eggs.</p> + +<p>"I see," he said; "you want maybirds."</p> + +<p>"No, I don't," I said; "I want hens."</p> + +<p>"It's the same thing," he told me. +"How many would you like?"</p> + +<p>"Five," I said. I thought five would +be an unostentatious number and make +it clear that I was not trying to compete +with the wholesale egg-dealers.</p> + +<p>He segregated five maybirds and explained +their points to me.</p> + +<p>It appeared that one of them was a +Buff Orpington and three were white +Wyandottes and one had no particular +politics. I should say now that it was +an Independent. It has speckles and is +the one that keeps getting into the +garden.</p> + +<p>I asked him when the creatures +would begin to enter upon their new +duties, and he said they would do so at +once.</p> + +<p>"What is their maximum egg-laying +velocity?" I inquired.</p> + +<p>"They'll lay about three eggs a day +between them," he said, "these five +birds."</p> + +<p>"Why between them?" I enquired. +But I consented to buy his birds, and +he said if I liked he would run round +to my garden at once and run up a hen-house +and a hen-run for me. "Run" +seemed rather a word with him.</p> + +<p>I said, "Yes, by all means."</p> + +<p>He came round that evening and +hewed down an apple-tree under the +light of the moon to make room for +the maybird-run, and in the morning +he brought a large roll of wire-netting, +and the next day he built a wooden +house, and the day after that he brought +his five maybirds, and the day after +that he came round and asked for some +cinders. He sprinkled these all over +the enclosure, and I watched him while +he worked.</p> + +<p>"What is that for?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"They want something to scratch in +when they run about," he explained. +"Exercise is what they need."</p> + +<p>"They seem to be scratching already, +but they don't seem to be running," I +said. "Wouldn't it have been better +to put a cinder-track all round the +edge and train them to run races round +it?"</p> + +<p>He said that he hadn't thought of +that, but I could try it if I liked. Then +he gave me a bag of food, which he +said was particularly efficacious for +maybirds, and produced his bill.</p> + +<p>All this happened about a month ago, +and for the last four weeks the principal +preoccupation of my household +has been the feeding of these five birds. +I have had to lay a gravel-path from +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page507" id="page507"></a>[pg 507]</span> +the aviary to the back premises in order +to sustain the weight of the traffic. +Huge bowls of hot food are constantly +being mixed and carried to them, without +any apparent consciousness on their +part of their reciprocal responsibilities. +What I mean to say is that there are +no eggs. The food which they eat resembles +Christmas-pudding at the time +when it is stirred, and I have suggested +that a sixpence should be concealed in +it every now and then—sixpence being +apparently the current price of an egg—in +order to indicate the nature of +our hopes.</p> + +<p>I have made other valuable suggestions. +I have suggested putting an +anthracite stove in their sitting-room, +and papering the walls with illustrations +representing various methods of mass +production, ordinary methods having +failed. I notice that cabbages are suspended +by a string across the top of the +parade-ground in order that the birds +may obtain exercise by springing at +them. The cabbages are eaten, but I +do not believe that the birds jump. I +believe that they clamber up the wire +with their claws, walk along the tight-rope +and bite the cabbage off with their +teeth.</p> + +<p>Sometimes, as I think I have mentioned, +the one with speckles escapes +into the garden, and I have several +times been asked to chase it home. +Nothing makes one look more ridiculous +than chasing an independent maybird of +no particular views across an onion bed. +The rest of the animals appear to spend +most of their time in walking about the +run with their hands in their pockets +looking for things on the ground.</p> + +<p>But every now and then one or other +of them makes the loud cry which is +usually associated with successful egg-production; +the whole household troops +beaming with anticipation along the +gravel-path; and it is then discovered +that the Buff has knocked one of the +Whites off her perch, or that one of +the Whites has scratched a cinder on +which the Buff had set her eye, or that +the Independent member has made a +bitter speech which is deeply resented +by the Coalition. But there are no +eggs.</p> + +<p>About a week ago the corn which +apparently forms a part of the necessary +nourishment of maybirds, and is +kept in an outhouse, was attacked by +rats. I was told that I must do something +about this. I buttered some +slices of bread with arsenic and laid +them down on the outhouse floor. The +rats ate the bread and arsenic and went +on with the corn. Unless a great improvement +is manifested in the New +Year I have decided to butter the maybirds +with arsenic and place them in +the outhouse too.</p> +<p class="author"> +<span class="sc">Evoe.</span></p> + +<hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<a href="images/507.png"><img src="images/507-600.png" width="600" height="432" alt="Nurse. 'Little gentlemen, Master Eric, leave the last mince-pie to their sisters.'" /></a> +<p><i>Nurse.</i> "<span class="sc">Little gentlemen, Master Eric, leave the last mince-pie to their sisters</span>."</p> +<p><i>Generous Little Girl.</i> "<span class="sc">O Nurse, do let him be a little cad.</span>"</p> +</div><br /><br /> + +<hr /> + +<h4>Cyclone in the Channel Islands.</h4> + +<blockquote><p class="center"> +"Meteorological Notes.</p> + +<p class="rindent">Harbour Office, Jersey.</p> +<p class="ind"> +Wind - E.W.E. - Strong Breeze."</p> +<p class="author"> +<i>Jersey Paper</i>. +</p></blockquote> + +<hr /> + +<blockquote><p> +"To get away, the man must have jumped +from a height of about ten feet to the ground, +then across a garden, and over a wall about +eight feet high into a laneway."</p> +<p class="author">—<i>Irish Paper</i>. +</p></blockquote> + +<p>Some "lep," as they say in Ireland.</p> + +<hr /> + +<blockquote><p> +"In the House of Lords on Saturday, the +expiring Lords Continuance Bill [was] read +a third time and passed."</p> +<p class="author">—<i>Provincial Paper</i>. +</p></blockquote> + +<p>Trust the Peers for looking after themselves.</p> + +<hr /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page508" id="page508"></a>[pg 508]</span> + + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<a href="images/508.png"><img src="images/508-600.png" width="600" height="388" alt="Child (saying prayers). 'Give us this day our daily bread-and-butter.'" /></a> +<p><i>Child (saying prayers).</i> "<span class="sc">Give us this day our daily bread-and-butter</span>."</p> +<p><span style="float: left;"><i>Governess</i>. "<span class="sc">No, dear—not butter</span>."</span> <span style="float: right;"><i>Child</i>. "<span class="sc">Marge, then</span>."</span></p> +</div><br /><br /> + + + +<hr /> + + +<h3>LETTERS I NEVER POSTED.</h3> + +<h3>CONCERNING GOOD RESOLUTIONS.</h3> + +<h4><span class="sc1">To the girl at the Exchange</span>.</h4> + +<p>The New Year is upon us and with +it comes the determination to mend +our bad habits and make serious efforts +to turn over a new leaf. Perhaps you +have already thought of this and have +made some good resolutions; perhaps, +on the other hand, you cannot think of +anything amiss that needs correcting. +In this case will you let me help you<i>?</i> +In every other respect you may be perfection, +but as an exchange operator, +which is the only capacity in which +(alas!) I know you, you are often lacking. +I have no doubt that you are +charming in private life and that we +should get on famously if we met at +dinner; but you have an irritating way +of giving me the wrong number, which +I do most cordially hope you will lose +during 1921. When I protest, you +merely say you are sorry, but what I +suggest is that an ounce of careful listening +at first is worth tons of sorrow +later. Kingston doesn't really sound +a bit like Brixton, and yet yesterday, +when I asked for a Kingston number, +you put me at once on to the same +number in the other suburb. Constantly +when I say I want 2365 you +give me 2356. To give you your due +you are always, I will admit, sorry; +but ...</p> + +<p>Another thing. Sometimes, when you +ring me up and I answer, all you do is +to ask, "Number, please," as though I +had rung you. (It is then that I feel +most that I should like to wring you.) +When I reply, "But you rang me," +you revert to your prevailing regretful +melancholy and say, "Sorry you were +troubled," and before I can go deeply +into the question and discover how +these things occur you ring off. Can't +you make an effort during 1921 not to +do this? Let it be a year of gladness.</p> + +<p>Sometimes I am perfectly certain you +don't ring up the number I want until +after you have asked me once or twice +if they have answered. Isn't that so? +"I'll ring them again," you say with +a kind of resigned adventurousness; but, +knowing as I do that they have been +waiting for my call, I am not taken in. +But what I want to know is—what +were you doing instead of ringing up +at first? I suppose that these secrets +will never be penetrated by the ordinary +subscriber outside the sacred precincts; +but I wish you would give me +fewer of such problems to ponder during +the year that is coming.</p> + +<p>P.S.—Have you ever considered, with +proper alarm, what would happen to a +cinema story if a wrong number were +provided by the operator, or if any +delay whatever occurred? This should +make you think.</p> + +<h4><span class="sc1">To a Racing Journalist</span>.</h4> + +<p>I suggest that you should include +among your good resolutions for the +New Year the decision not to allow +your readers to participate in your +special information as to which horse +will come in first. Tell them all you +like about yesterday's sport, but dangle +no more "security tips" before their +diminishing purses. If they must bet—which +of course they must, as betting +is now the principal national industry—let +them at least have the fun of +selecting the "also-ran" themselves.</p> + +<h4><span class="sc1">To Many an Editor</span>.</h4> + +<p>In contemplating your 1921 programme +of regeneration could you not +make a vow to dispense with all headlines +that ask questions? Probably you +never see the paper yourself and therefore +have no feeling in the matter, but +I can assure you that the habit can become +very wearisome. "Will it freeze +to-day?" "Can Beckett win?" "Will +Hobbs reach his 3,000 runs?" "Are +the Lords going to pass the Bill?" +Won't you make an effort to do without +this formula? It is futile in itself +and has the unfortunate effect of raising +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page509" id="page509"></a>[pg 509]</span> +what surely are undesirable doubts as +to whether journalists are any more +sensible than their readers.</p> + +<h4><span class="sc1">To One Editor in Particular</span>.</h4> + +<p>No comic hats in 1921, please.</p> + +<h4><span class="sc1">To the P.M.G.</span></h4> + +<p>There is, as everyone (except possibly +Mr. <span class="sc">Austen Chamberlain</span> and the cynic +who professes to hate letters so much +that he wishes that they cost a shilling +a-piece to send) will agree, one good +resolution which above all others you +should concentrate upon for 1921, and +that is to get back our penny postage. +With so many comparatively unnecessary +things still untaxed, it never should +have been sacrificed.</p> + +<h4><span class="sc1">To A Pork Butcher</span>.</h4> + +<p>Among the problems of this latter +day of discontents few are more pressing +than speculating as to why sausages +and pork-pies have so degenerated. +Under the malign influence of Peace, +sausages have become tasteless and +pork-pies nothing but pies with pork +in them; the crust chiefly plaster-of-Paris, +and the meat not an essential +element, soft and seductive and fused +with the pastry, but an alien assortment +of half-cooked cubes. I can understand +that after a great war a certain +deterioration must set in, but I fail to +see why sausages and pork-pies, if made +at all, should not be made as well as +ever, especially as you get such a long +price for them. Couldn't you—wouldn't +you—try in 1921 to make them with +some at least of the old care?</p> + +<h4><span class="sc1">To a Cabinet Minister</span>.</h4> + +<p>Might not a vow against writing for +the papers be rather a nice one to observe +during 1921? It is quite on the +cards that one's duties to the State +(not too inadequately paid for) ought +to be sufficiently exacting to preclude +journalism at all. There's a question +of dignity too, although I hesitate to +drag that in.</p> + +<h4><span class="sc1">To the Chief of the Police</span>.</h4> + +<p>Couldn't you (I hope I am addressing +the right gentleman) arrange that +before 1921 becomes 1922—twelve whole +months—a simple device is made for +taxis by which a square of red glass +can be slipped over one of the lamps at +night to indicate that the cab is free? +I'm sure it wouldn't really be difficult, +and the comfort of London would be +enormously increased.</p> + +<h4><span class="sc1">To A Taxi-Driver</span>.</h4> + +<p>You will perhaps note what I have +just said to the Chief of the Police. If +you had any interest in your work you +would, of course, long since have fixed +up something of the kind for yourself. +But let that pass. All I am suggesting +to you as a 1921 amendment is that +you should bank in a more accessible +part of your clothing. Waiting for +change in this weather (especially with +the flag still down) can be an exasperating +experience. Won't you make +a resolution during the coming year to +keep your money nearer the surface?</p> + +<p class="author">E. V. L.</p> + +<hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<a href="images/509.png"><img src="images/509-600.png" width="600" height="430" alt="You're wanted at 'ome, Charlie. Yer wife's just presented yer with another rebate off yer income-tax." /></a> +<p><i>Neighbour (bearer of message, to billiard enthusiast).</i> "<span class="sc">You're wanted at 'ome, Charlie. Yer wife's just presented yer +with another rebate off yer income-tax</span>."</p> +</div><br /><br /> + +<hr /> + +<h4>How to deal with Windbags.</h4> + +<blockquote><p> +"The address was punctured throughout +with cheers."</p> +<p class="author">—<i>West Indian Paper</i>. +</p></blockquote> + +<hr /> + +<blockquote><p> +"There would be a grand dinner and music, +and splendidly-dressed ladies to look at, and +things to eat that strangely twisted the girls' +paws when they tried to tell about them,"</p> +<p class="author"> +<i>Weekly Paper</i>. +</p></blockquote> + +<p>Mem.—Never try to talk the deaf-and-dumb +language after dinner.</p> + +<hr /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page510" id="page510"></a>[pg 510]</span> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 650px;"> +<a href="images/510.png"><img src="images/510-600.png" width="600" height="422" alt="Pretty mixed lot at this hotel." /></a> +<p><i>Profiteer (to his wife).</i> "<span class="sc">Pretty mixed lot at this hotel. 'Ere come some more o' them pre-war blighters</span>."</p> +</div><br /><br /> + + +<hr /> + + +<h3>THE BARKER THAT MISSED FIRE.</h3> + +<p>On hearing a shuffle of feet in the +porch and the clearing of little throats, +I exclaimed, "Those carols again!" If +between "those" and "carols" I inserted +another word, I withdraw it.</p> + +<p>I went into the hall and barked like +a dog.</p> + +<p>I have often said that, if anyone +could earn a hundred pounds a week +on the stage by barking like a dog, I +could. Children like to come to my +house to tea merely for the thrill of +listening to my imitation. I used to +flatter myself that I could bark like a +dog even better than <span class="sc">Nelson Keys</span> can +imitate <span class="sc">Gerald du Maurier</span>.</p> + +<p>I hardly gave the carol-singers time +even to mention Royal David's city +before I barked. Instantly one pair of +little feet scuttled away towards the +gate; then a voice called, "Don't be +silly, Alfy; come on back."</p> + +<p>Two small girls stood at the front-door +as I opened it. One of them +smiled up at me and said, "He thinks +he's going to be bit." She appeared +to be amused by the idea. Down by +the gate was a small muffled figure +carrying a Chinese lantern. "Come on +back, Alfy," she called again, "and let's +sing to the gentleman. You see," she +explained to me in confidence, "he's +got addleoids and can't sing loud, so we +let him hold the lantern."</p> + +<p>I was beginning to feel sorry that I +had played a trick on such inoffensive +children and was about to assure them +that my savage bull-terrier was safely +locked up in the kitchen when the brave +little lass began chattering again.</p> + +<p>"My dad keeps dogs—all sorts," she +told me, "and sells them to gentlemen. +So I'm used to dogs." Then she turned +once more to the lantern-bearer and +commanded, "Now come on and sing, +Alfy. It ain't a dog at all; it's only +the gentleman trying to make a noise +like one."</p> + +<hr /> + +<blockquote><p> +"Rod Iron Red Mail Bird, year old; good +breed; 16s."</p> +<p class="author"> +—<i>Provincial Paper.</i> +</p></blockquote> + +<p>We fancy it must be an armour-clad +rooster of this species that, crossed +with a Plymouth Rock, was responsible +for the reinforced-concrete chicken +that we met at dinner the other night.</p> + +<hr /> + +<blockquote><p> +"When once the exchanges of the world +have righted themselves—and that is bound +to come about sooner or later—then will +follow such a reaction in the trade of the +country that will exceed the expectations of +the most sanguinary optimist."</p> +<p class="author"> +—<i>Trade Paper</i>. +</p></blockquote> + +<p>We think this must be intended as a +hit at <span class="sc">Trotsky</span>.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h3>NEW RHYMES FOR OLD CHILDREN.</h3> + +<h4><span class="sc1">The Oyster.</span></h4> + +<div class="poem"> <div class="stanza"> +<p>The oyster takes no exercise;</p> +<p>I don't believe she really tries;</p> +<p class="i4">And since she has no legs</p> +<p>I don't see why she should, do you?</p> +<p>Besides, she has a lot to do—</p> +<p class="i4">She lays a million eggs.</p> +<p>At any rate she doesn't stir;</p> +<p>Her food is always brought to her.</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p>But sometimes through her open lips</p> +<p>A horrid little creature slips</p> +<p class="i4">Which simply will not go;</p> +<p>And that annoys the poor old girl;</p> +<p>It means she has to make a pearl—</p> +<p class="i4">It <i>irritates</i>, you know;</p> +<p>So, crooning some small requiem,</p> +<p>She turns the thing into a gem.</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p>And when I meet the wives of Earls</p> +<p>With lovely necklaces of pearls</p> +<p class="i4">It makes me see quite red;</p> +<p>For every jewel on the chain</p> +<p>Some patient oyster had a pain</p> +<p class="i4">And had to stay in bed.</p> +<p>To think what millions men can make</p> +<p>Out of an oyster's tummy-ache!</p> +</div> <div class="stanza"> +<p class="i24">A. P. H.</p> + </div> </div> + +<hr /> + +<blockquote><p> +"At —— Hall, St. John's Wood, Tues., by +auction, stock of a Furrier.—Cats. free."</p> +<p class="author"> +<i>Advt. in Daily Paper</i>. +</p></blockquote> + +<p>A case of adding insult to injury.</p> + +<hr /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page511" id="page511"></a>[pg 511]</span> + + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<a href="images/511.png"><img src="images/511-374.png" width="374" height="450" alt="MICAWBER AND SON." /></a> +<h4>MICAWBER AND SON.</h4> +<p><span class="sc">Senile Optimist</span>. "AND TO YOU, MY BOY, I BEQUEATH—MY LIABILITIES. MAY +YOU BE WORTHY OF THEM!"</p> + +<p><span class="sc">Juvenile Ditto</span>. "THAT'S ALL RIGHT, SIR. SOMETHING'S SURE TO TURN UP!"</p> +</div><br /><br /> + + + +<hr /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page512" id="page512"></a>[pg 512]</span> + +<h3>ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT</h3>. + + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 720px;"> +<a href="images/512.png"><img src="images/512-600.png" width="600" height="371" alt="AT THE MILLENNIUM STORES." /></a> +<h4>AT THE MILLENNIUM STORES.</h4> +<p><i>Mr. <span class="sc">Lloyd George</span> (Chairman).</i> "<span class="sc">You've worked splendidly up to +Christmas, and if you'll put your backs into it for +the New Year trade I'll see if I can't give you a good long holiday in the +autumn</span>."</p> + +<p><i>Mr. <span class="sc">Bonar Law</span> (Manager).</i> "<span class="sc">Or some other time</span>."</p> + +<p><span class="sc">Mr. Bonar Law, Mr. Lloyd George, Mr. Shortt, Mr. Chamberlain, Mr. Neal, Sir +Eric Geddes, Sir Robert Horne, +Mr. Churchill.</span></p> +</div><br /><br /> + + + +<p><i>Monday, December 20th</i>.—As the result +of being tossed backwards and +forwards between the two Houses the +Government of Ireland Bill had already +lost most of its awkward corners. The +last two were rounded off to-day, when +the Government secured that Southern +Ireland should have three years, instead +of two, in which to make up her mind +whether to accept or refuse the proffered +Parliament, and that in the meantime +only a joint resolution of both +Houses should prevent the Act from +coming into operation. Lord <span class="sc">Midleton</span> +pressed hard for a retention of the +Lords' veto, but was thrown overboard +by Lord <span class="sc">Crewe</span>, who was greatly impressed +by the <span class="sc">Lord Chancellor's</span> +reminder that within three years there +must be a General Election.</p> + +<p>In the Commons Sir <span class="sc">Robert Horne</span> +performed his customary Monday dance +among the fiscal egg-shells. He declined +to give an estimate as to the +number of British workmen unemployed +owing to the importation of +German goods—"no man who breathes +could do it"—and judiciously evaded +acceptance of Sir <span class="sc">Frederick Hall's</span> +suggestion that one reason why Teuton +manufacturers were snapping up Dominion +contracts was that their employés +worked eleven hours a day.</p> + +<p>The close of one of the longest and +weariest sessions on record finds the +Government in a penitent mood. How +long will it last? The <span class="sc">Prime Minister</span> +told one of his supporters that he hoped +next year's programme would be less +exacting, and immediately promised +another measure dealing with dumping +and exchange; and when Sir <span class="sc">F. Banbury</span> +helpfully suggested that the surest +way to avoid an Autumn Session would +be to introduce fewer Bills Mr. <span class="sc">Bonar +Law</span> turned on him with the retort +that "a surer way would be to introduce +none."</p> + +<p>An amusing duel between well-matched +opponents took place over +liquor control. Mr. <span class="sc">Macquisten</span>, whose +voice, at once insinuating and penetrative, +has been likened to a corkscrew, +urged that the <i>bonâ-fide</i> frequenters of +public-houses should be consulted in the +settlement of the drink regulations. The +present arrangement, in his view, was +like entrusting the regulation of the +Churches to avowed atheists. Lady +<span class="sc">Astor</span> made full use of her shrill treble +in retorting that it was the "victims"—by +which apparently she meant the +wives of Mr. <span class="sc">Macquisten's</span> <i>protégés</i>—who +ought to have the last word. She +herself had it in the series of incredulous +"Oh's!"—uttered <i>crescendo</i> on a rising +scale and accompanied by appropriate +gesture—with which she received Mr. +<span class="sc">Macquisten's</span> confident assertion that +the working-men's clubs are the enemies +of "the Trade."</p> + +<p>Supplementary Estimates produced +a good deal of miscellaneous information. +On the Vote for Road Transport +Colonel <span class="sc">Mildmay</span> attacked the system +of tar-spraying and told a melancholy +story of a cow that skidded with fatal +results. He was backed up by Sir <span class="sc">F. +Banbury</span>, who said that he had found +the ideal pavement in soft wood and +awakened memories of an ancient jest +by suggesting that something might +be done if he and the <span class="sc">Minister of +Transport</span> were to put their heads +together.</p> + +<p><i>Tuesday, December 21st.</i>—Sir <span class="sc">William +Davison</span> thundered against the Home +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page513" id="page513"></a>[pg 513]</span> +Office for not taking steps to prevent +the desecration of the Nelson Column +by the delivery of seditious speeches. +Sir <span class="sc">John Baird</span> explained that it was +impossible to know beforehand what sort +of speech was going to be delivered. But +his critic would have none of this paltry +excuse. "Did not the regulations provide," +he boomed, "that the objects of +the meetings must be specified?" Fortunately +for the Minister, who had nearly +been blown off the Treasury Bench, Mr. +<span class="sc">Hogge</span> came to the rescue. "Is it not +a fact," he inquired, "that the monument +was erected to a man who turned +a blind eye to orders?"</p> + +<p>The strange case of Lord <span class="sc">Rothermere</span> +and the Committee on Public +Accounts was further investigated. The +Committee had reported that a certain +stationery contract for the Air Ministry +had been extravagant and improper. +The <span class="sc">Air Minister</span> at the time was the +noble Lord who has lately been so eloquent +about "squander-mania," but he +has since, in a letter to the Press, declared +that he never signed or initialled +the order. Lieut.-Colonel <span class="sc">Archer-Shee</span> +and Mr. <span class="sc">Ormsby-Gore</span> sought the +opinion of the Treasury on the transaction, +and Mr. <span class="sc">Baldwin</span> replied that +it was certainly usual for a Minister to +be held responsible for his expenditure, +and that if subordinate officials were +thrown over by their chiefs it would be +bad for the Service.</p> + +<p>The Lords' amendments to the Commons' +amendments to the Lords' amendments +to the Government of Ireland +Bill were agreed to. Sir <span class="sc">L. Worthington-Evans</span> +thought to improve the occasion +by a neat little speech expressing +goodwill to Ireland, and, much to his +surprise, found himself in collision with +the <span class="sc">Speaker</span>, who observed that this +was not the time for First Reading +speeches.</p> + +<p>It was rather hard on Lord <span class="sc">Peel</span>, as +the grandson of the great Sir <span class="sc">Robert</span>, +to have to sponsor the Dyestuffs Bill. +He frankly described it as "a disagreeable +pill." Lord <span class="sc">Emmott</span> and other Peers +showed a strong disinclination to take +their medicine, but Lord <span class="sc">Moulton</span> said +that the chemists—naturally enough—were +all in favour of it, and persuaded +the House to swallow the bolus.</p> + +<p>In the course of an eleventh-hour +effort to destroy the Agriculture Bill +Lord <span class="sc">Lincolnshire</span> described the <span class="sc">Prime +Minister's</span> Christmas motto as <i>Tax +Vobiscum</i>; and the success of his jape +served as a partial solace for the defeat +of his motion.</p> + +<hr /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 700px;"> +<a href="images/513.png"><img src="images/513-600.png" width="600" height="415" alt="D'ye see them marks on the wall? That's our feet." /></a> +<p><i>Old Sea-dog (to nervous passenger).</i> "<span class="sc">Roll? She +<i>can</i> roll! D'ye see them marks on the wall? That's our feet</span>."</p> +</div><br /><br /> + +<hr /> + +<h3>A WARNING FROM THE SKY.</h3> + +<blockquote><p> +[The latest form of mascot is a trinket-model +of the sign of the zodiac under which +one was born.] +</p></blockquote> + +<div class="poem"> <div class="stanza"> +<p>'Twas Caution bade me: "Think a while;</p> +<p class="i2">Calm thought may prove your saviour;</p> +<p>You've only seen her gala style</p> +<p class="i2">And very best behaviour;</p> +<p>What though her form's divinely planned</p> +<p class="i2">And rightly you adore it,</p> +<p>Her character's an unknown land,</p> +<p class="i2">You'd better first explore it."</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p>But such exploring baffled me—</p> +<p class="i2">She had, to my vexation,</p> +<p>No younger brother I could fee</p> +<p class="i2">For stable information—</p> +<p>Until at last I noted (worn</p> +<p class="i2">Mid baubles weird and various)</p> +<p>A mascot which announced her born</p> +<p class="i2">Beneath the sign Aquarius.</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p>An ancient tome declared how this</p> +<p class="i2">Implied that, though a beauty,</p> +<p>The girl was careless, slack, remiss</p> +<p class="i2">And negligent of duty;</p> +<p>I stilled in time my cardiac stir</p> +<p class="i2">And ceased my adoration,</p> +<p>Thanking my lucky stars and her</p> +<p class="i2">Explicit constellation.</p> + </div> </div> + +<hr /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page514" id="page514"></a>[pg 514]</span> + +<h3>AT THE PLAY</h3>. + +<h4>"<span class="sc">Peter Pan</span>."</h4> + +<p><i>Peter Pan</i>, the play, must by now +have long overtaken the age of <i>Peter +Pan</i>, the boy; but, like him, it never +grows any older. The cast may change, +but that seems to make hardly any +difference. The new <i>Peter</i> (Miss <span class="sc">Edna +Best</span>) is as good as any of them. +Graceful of shape and lithe of limb, he +is still essentially a boy, the realised +figure of <span class="sc">Barrie's</span> fancy; a little aloof +and inscrutable; romantic, too, in his +very detachment from the sentiment of +romance that he provokes. Miss <span class="sc">Freda +Godfrey</span>, the new <i>Wendy</i>, would have +seemed good if we had not known better +ones. To be frank, she looked rather +too mature for the part; she needed a +more childlike air to give piquancy to +her assumption of maternal responsibilities. +It was pleasant to see Mr. <span class="sc">Henry +Ainley</span> unbend to the task, simple for +him, of playing <i>Captain Hook</i> and <i>Mr. +Darling</i>. One admired his self-control +in refusing to impose new subtleties +upon established and sacred tradition.</p> + +<p>Of familiar friends, age has not withered +the compelling charms of Mr. <span class="sc">Shelton's</span> +<i>Smee</i>, nor, in the person of Mr. +<span class="sc">Cleave</span>, has custom staled the infinite +futility of <i>Slightly</i>. I was glad, too, to +find Miss <span class="sc">Sybil Carlisle</span> back in the +part of <i>Mrs. Darling</i>, which she played +most appealingly.</p> + +<p>The lagoon scene was cut out this +year; perhaps it was thought that there +is enough lagoon in London just now. +I could more willingly have spared the +business of <i>Mr. Darling</i> and the kennel, +the one blot in the play. My impression +of this grotesquerie has not changed +since I first saw <i>Peter Pan</i>.</p> + +<p>Among new impressions was a feeling +that the domestic details of the +First Act are a little too leisurely, so +that I appreciated the impatience of +my little neighbour for the arrival of +<i>Peter Pan</i>, whose acquaintance she had +still to make. Also from the presence +of children in my party I became conscious +how much of the humour of the +play—its burlesque, for example, of +the stage villain—is only seizable by +children who have grown up. <span class="sc">Barrie</span> +wrote it, of course, to please the eternal +child in himself, but forgot now and +then what an unusual child it was.</p> + +<p class="author">O. S.</p> + +<hr class="short" /> + +<p>On Wednesday, January 5th, 1921, +at 3.30 and 8 P.M., in the Hall of the +Inner Temple, the "Time and Talents" +Guild will give a series of "Action Tableaux," +dramatised by Miss <span class="sc">Wilson-Fox</span>, +in illustration of the history of Southwark +and Old Bermondsey from Saxon +times to the present day. There will +be singing, in character, by the Stock +Exchange Choir. The profits will go +in aid of the Settlement in Bermondsey, +which has been carried on for twenty-one +years among the factory girls by +members of "Time and Talents," and +to-day includes a Hostel, Clubs, a Country +Holiday Fund and a cottage in +the country. Applications for tickets +may be made to Miss <span class="sc">Wilson-Fox</span>, 17, +De Vere Gardens, Kensington, W. 8.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h3>THE GREAT RESOLVE</h3>. + +<blockquote><p> +["When <i>Chu Chin Chow</i> reaches its 2,000th +representation on the 29th, it will have run +for 1,582 days, 26 days longer than the War."</p> +<p class="author"> +<i>Sunday Times</i>.] +</p></blockquote> + +<div class="poem"> <div class="stanza"> +<p>Behind its pendent curtain folds</p> +<p>We know not what the future holds;</p> +<p>We only know that worlds have gone</p> +<p>Since <i>Chu Chin Chow</i> was first put on.</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p>Mid all our stress and strife and change</p> +<p>This strikes me as extremely strange;</p> +<p>I think when plays go on like this</p> +<p>There ought to be an artistice.</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p>But, when we have another war</p> +<p>After the peace we've toiled so for,</p> +<p>And empires break and thrones are bust</p> +<p>And nations tumble in the dust,</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p>And culture, rising from the East,</p> +<p>On tottering Europe is released,</p> +<p>And Chinamen at last shall rule</p> +<p>In Dublin, Warsaw and Stamboul,</p> + </div><div class="stanza"> +<p>Soon as the roar of cannon ends</p> +<p>And all men once again are friends,</p> +<p>I must fulfil my ancient vow</p> +<p>And go and visit <i>Chu Chin Chow</i>.</p> + </div> </div> + +<hr /> + +<h3>ST. CECILIA OF CREMONA.</h3> + +<p><i>Punch</i> has no desire to plunge into +the controversy which has arisen over +the employment of women in professional +orchestras, especially as the cause +has already been practically won, and +here, at any rate, the saying, "What +Lancashire thinks to-day England will +think to-morrow," has failed to justify +itself. The example of Manchester is +not being followed in London, and what +is deemed advisable for the Free Trade +Hall in one city is not to dominate the +policy of the Queen's Hall in the other.</p> + +<p>But without going into the arguable +points of this latest duel of the +sexes, Mr. Punch, already in the last +year which completes his fourth score, +may be allowed to indulge in an old +man's privilege of retrospect and incidentally +to congratulate the ladies on +the wonderful and triumphant progress +they have made in instrumental art +since the roaring 'forties. For in the +'forties women, though still supreme +on the lyric stage, had hardly begun +to assert themselves as executants, +save on the pianoforte. <i>Punch</i> well +remembers <span class="sc">Liszt</span>—with the spelling +of whose name he had considerable +difficulty—in his meteoric pianofortitude. +But the young <span class="sc">Wilma Neruda</span>, +who visited London in 1849, escaped +his benevolent notice. She was then +only ten. It was not until twenty +years later that, as Madame <span class="sc">Norman-Neruda</span>, +she revisited London, proved +that consummate skill could be combined +with admirable grace in a woman-violinist, +took her place as a leader of +the quartet at the Monday "Pops," upset +the tyranny of the pianoforte and harp +as the only instruments suitable for the +young person, and virtually created the +professional woman-violinist. Indeed, +she may be said to have at once made +the fiddle fashionable and profitable for +girls.</p> + +<p>On its invasion of Mayfair the +pencil of <span class="sc">Du Maurier</span> furnishes the +best comment. Before 1869, woman-violinists +were only single spies; now +they are to be reckoned in battalions. +And they no longer "play the easiest +passages with the greatest difficulty," +as was once said of an incompetent +male pianist, but in all departments of +technique and interpretation have fully +earned Sir <span class="sc">Henry Wood's</span> tribute to +their skill, sincerity and delicacy. +When the eminent conductor goes on, +in his catalogue of their excellences, to +say, "They do not drink, and they +do not smoke as much as men," he +reminds Mr. Punch of two historic +sayings of a famous foreign conductor. +The first was uttered at a rehearsal +of the Venusberg music from <i>Tannhäuser:</i> +"Gentlemen, you play it as if +you were teetotalers—<i>which you are +not</i>." The other was his lament over +a fine but uncertain wind-instrument +player: "With —— it is always Quench, +Quench, Quench."</p> + +<p>Mr. Punch is old-fashioned enough +to hope that, whether teetotalers or +not, the ladies will leave trombones and +tubas severely alone, and confine their +instrumental energies mainly to the +nice conduct of the leading strings—the +aristocrats of the orchestra, the +sovereigns of the chamber concert.</p> + +<hr /> + +<h4>From a butcher's advertisement:—</h4> + +<blockquote><p> +"<span class="sc">Special Pre-War Pork, and Beef, +Sausages</span>."</p> +<p class="author"> +—<i>Local Paper</i>. +</p></blockquote> + +<p>While all in favour of old-fashioned +Christmas fare, here we draw the line.</p> + +<hr /> + +<blockquote><p> +"Enough butter to cover 265,000,000 slices +of bread was produced in Manitoba this year. +Of 8,250,000,000 pounds produced, 4,100,000 +has been exported."</p> +<p class="author"> +—<i>Canadian Paper</i>. +</p></blockquote> + +<p>Thirty-one pounds of butter to the slice +is certainly the most tempting inducement +to Canadian immigration we have +yet noticed.</p> + +<hr /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page515" id="page515"></a>[pg 515]</span> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 346px;"> +<a href="images/515.png"><img src="images/515-346.png" width="346" height="450" alt="THE INSPIRED MUSICIAN AND THE CHRISTMAS HAM." /></a> +<h4>THE INSPIRED MUSICIAN AND THE CHRISTMAS HAM.</h4> +</div><br /><br /> +<hr /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page516" id="page516"></a>[pg 516]</span> + + +<h3>OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.</h3> + +<h4><i>(By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks.)</i></h4> + +<p>I can't help thinking that Mr. <span class="sc">H. G. Hibbert</span> has not +chosen altogether the right name for his second volume of +theatrical and Bohemian gossip, <i>A Playgoer's Memories</i> +(<span class="sc">Grant Richards</span>). It is not so unsophisticated as the +title had somehow led me to expect. Indeed "unsophisticated" +is perhaps the last epithet that could justly be applied +to Mr. <span class="sc">Hibbert's</span> memories. I fancy I had unconsciously +been looking for something more in the style of my own +ignorant playgoing. "How wonderful she was in that +scene with the broker's man," or "Do you remember the +opening of the Third Act?" Not thus Mr. <span class="sc">Hibbert</span>. For +him the play itself is far less the thing than a peg upon +which to hang all sorts of tags and bobtails of recollection, +financial, technical and just not scandalous because of the +discretion of the telling. His book is a repository of +theatrical information, but the great part of it of more +absorbing concern for the manager's-room or the stage-door +than, say, the dress +circle. But I must not be +wanting in gratitude for +the entertainment which, +for all this carping, I certainly +derived from it. As +an expert on stage finance, +for example, to-day and +forty years back, Mr. +<span class="sc">Hibbert</span> has revelations +that may well cause the +least concerned to marvel. +And there is an appendix, +which gives a list of Drury +Lane pantomimes, with +casts, for half a century, +including, of course, the +incomparable first one; +but that is not a memory +of this world. A book to +be kept for odd references +in two senses.</p> + +<hr /> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<a href="images/516.png"><img src="images/516-500.png" width="500" height="352" alt="CULPABLE NEGLIGENCE ON THE PART OF AN EDITOR OF AN ILLUSTRATED PAPER. IMPENDING LIBEL ACTIONS." /></a> +<h4>CULPABLE NEGLIGENCE ON THE PART OF AN EDITOR OF AN ILLUSTRATED PAPER. IMPENDING LIBEL ACTIONS.</h4> +</div> +<table align="center" summary="" style="margin-bottom: 1em; width: 500px;"> +<tr> + <td><span class="sc">Captain Eric Blightman, whose +engagement to Lady Sarah Hubb +has just been announced</span>.</td> + <td><span class="sc">Basher Smith, ex-heavyweight +champion of Stepney, who is to +act as referee at the Corkery-Hackett +fight on Friday</span>.</td> +</tr> +</table> + + +<hr /> + +<p>What most interfered +with my peace of mind +over <i>The Happy Highways</i> +(<span class="sc">Heinemann</span>) was, I think, its almost entire absence +of highway, and the exceedingly unhappy nature of its +confused and uncharted lanes. Indeed, I am wondering +now if the title may not have been an instance of bitter +irony on the part of Miss <span class="sc">Storm Jameson</span>. Certainly a +more formless mass of writing never within my experience +masqueraded as a novel. There are ideas and reflections—these +last mostly angry and vaguely socialistic—and here +and there glimpses of illusory narrative about a group of +young persons, brothers and a girl-friend, who live at Herne +Hill, attend King's College and talk (oh, but interminably) +the worst pamphlet-talk of the pre-war age. It is, I take +it, a reviewer's job to stifle his boredom and push on +resolutely through the dust to find what good, if any, may +be hidden by it. I will admit therefore some vague interest +in the record of how the War hit such persons as these. +Also (to the credit of the author as tale-teller) she does +allow one of the young men to earn a scholarship, and for +no sane reason to depart instantly thereupon before the mast +of a sailing-ship; also another, the central figure, to fall in +love with the girl. The book is in three parts, of which the +third is superfluously specialized as "chaos." Whether +Miss <span class="sc">Jameson</span> will yet write a story I am unable to say; +I rather wonder, however, that Messrs. <span class="sc">Heinemann</span> did not +suggest to her that these heterogeneous pages would furnish +excellent material for the experiment.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>I have discovered that Miss <span class="sc">Peggy Webling</span> has quite +a remarkable talent for making ordinary places and people +seem improbable. She achieves this in <i>Comedy Corner</i> +(<span class="sc">Hutchinson</span>) by sketching in her scenery quite competently +and then allowing her characters to live lives, amongst it, so +fraught with coincidence, so swayed by the most unlikely +impulses, that a small draper's shop, a West End "Hattery" +and an almshouse for old actresses become the most extraordinary +places on earth, where anything might happen +and nobody would be surprised. <i>Winnie</i>, her heroine, behaves +more improbably than anyone else, but she is such a +dear little goose that most amiable readers will be quite +glad that she doesn't have to suffer as much as such geese +would if they existed in real life. You can see from this +that it is one of those books that are full of real niceness +and goodwill, and it has besides plenty of plot and lots of +interesting characters, and +yet somehow it gives you +the feeling of being out of +focus. You read on, expecting +every moment that +clever Miss <span class="sc">Webling</span> will +give things a little push +in the right direction and +make them seem true, +and, while you are reading +and hoping, you come +to the happy ending.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>Should you enter <i>The +Gates of Tien T'ze</i> (<span class="sc">Hodder +and Stoughton</span>) you +will not regret it, but it is +possible that you may be—as +I was—a little breathless +before the end of this +vehement story is reached. +The average tale of criminals +and detectives is not +apt to move slowly, but +here Mr. <span class="sc">Leslie Howard +Gordon</span> maintains the +speed of a half-mile relay race. I am not going to reveal his +mystery except to say that <i>Tien T'ze</i> was a Chinese organisation +which perpetrated crimes, and that <i>Donald Craig</i>, +<i>Kyrle Durand</i>—his secretary (female) and cousin—and <i>Bruce +MacIvor</i>, superintendent of the Criminal Investigation Department, +were employed in tracking it down and smashing +it to pieces. Never have I met anyone in fiction (let fact +alone) so clever as <i>Kyrle</i> in getting herself and her friends +out of tight places. When <i>Craig</i> and <i>MacIvor</i> were so +beset by <i>Tien T'ze</i> that their last hour seemed to have +come I found myself saying, "It is time for <i>Kyrle</i> to +emerge from her machine," and she emerged. In a novel +of this <i>genre</i> it is essential that the excitement should +never fall below fever-heat, but Mr. <span class="sc">Gordon's</span> book does +better than that; its temperature would, I think, burst +any ordinary thermometer.</p> + +<hr /> + +<blockquote><p> +"The Vicar's Study Circle is now engaged in considering the +teaching of what is known as the 'Higher Criticism.' All interested +are invited to attend, whatever sex they may claim to possess."</p> + +<p class="author">—<i>Parish Magazine</i>. +</p></blockquote> + +<p>The Vicar evidently possesses the open mind so necessary +for discussions of this sort.</p> + +<hr /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page517" id="page517"></a>[pg 517]</span> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<a href="images/517.png"><img src="images/517-600.png" width="600" height="458" alt="EPILOGUE" /></a> + +</div><br /><br /> + +<h3>AS WE SEE OTHERS: A CANDID APPRECIATION OF U.S.A.</h3> + +<p>The liner <i>de luxe</i> had swung in past Sandy Hook, and the tender had +already come alongside with its mail +and Press-gang. There ensued a furious race to interview the most distinguished +passenger, and it was by the representative +of <i>The Democratic Elevator</i>, who got there first, that the Sage, in the +very act of recording the emotions +provoked by his first sky-scraper, was <i>abordé</i>.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Punch, I guess?" said he. "Pleased to meet you, Sir. And what do you think +of the American nation?"</p> + +<p>"Shall I tell you now," asked Mr. Punch, "or wait till I've actually seen it?"</p> + +<p>"Right here," said the interviewer, and drew his note-book.</p> + +<p>"Well," began Mr. Punch, "I think a good deal of it—I mean, I think a good deal +about it. And it +nearly always makes me smile. Of course you won't understand why it nearly +always makes me smile, because +we don't see fun in the same things. You don't appreciate our humour, and +therefore you say that we haven't +any. And if we don't appreciate your humour that proves again that we haven't +any. So you'll never understand +why it makes me smile, sometimes gently and sometimes rather bitterly, to think +about your nation; but +I'll tell you just the same.</p> + +<p>"In the first place, what you call 'America' is only a small fraction of the +American continent, not +even as large as British North America. And in the second place what you call +your 'nation'—well, some rude +person once said of it that it isn't really a nation at all, but just a picnic. +I won't go so far as that, but +I hardly suppose you will be much better pleased if I call it a League of +Nations. That is a phrase that you +hate, because your President <span class="sc">Wilson</span> loves it.</p> + +<p>"By the way, I must be very careful how I speak of your President, because +you're so sensitive on that +subject. You allow yourselves to abuse him as the head of a political party, but +if other nations so much as +question his omniscience he suddenly becomes the Head of a Sovereign State. An +English Cabinet Minister once +told me how an American gave vent in conversation to the most violent language +in regard to the policy of the +President of the day, and when at the end the Englishman very quietly said, 'I +am inclined to agree with you,' +the American turned on him in a fury, saying: 'Sir, I didn't come here to have +my country insulted!'</p> + +<p>"However, to return to your League of Nations. In England (where I come from) +they are just now reviving +a play by Mr. <span class="sc">Israel Zangwill</span>, in which, if I recall it rightly, he +makes out your country to be the +Melting Pot into which every sort of fancy alien type is thrown, and turned out +a pattern American citizen, a +member of a United Family. I wish I could believe it. It seems to us that your +German, even after passing +through the Melting Pot, remains a German; that your Irishman, however much he +Americanises himself for +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page518" id="page518"></a>[pg 518]</span> +purposes of political power and graft, remains an Irishman. You never seem to +get together as a nation, except +when you go to war, and even then you don't keep it up, for you're not together +now, although you're still at +war with Germany. The rest of the time you seem to spend in having Elections and +'placating' (I think that's +what you call it) the German interest, or the negro interest, or the Sinn Fein +interest.</p> + +<p>"And this brings me to the point that makes me smile most of all—when it +doesn't make me weep. +Isn't it a pathetic thing that a really great and strong people like you should +be so weak and little as to let +your Press sympathise blatantly with the campaign of murder in Ireland; to +suffer that campaign to be actively +assisted by American gunmen; to look on while it is being financed by American +money, here employed in conjunction +with the resources of that very Bolshevism which you take care to treat as +criminal in your own country?</p> + +<p>"Isn't it pitiful that you should regard reprisals (hateful though they may be) +as worse than the hideous +murders which provoked them; forgetting your own addiction to lynch law; +forgetting too (as some of our own +people forget) that the sanctity of the law depends as much upon the goodwill +and assistance of the populace as +it does upon the police, and cannot else be maintained?</p> + +<p>"Indeed your memory is not very good. Your Monroe Doctrine, which insists that +nobody from outside +shall interfere with your affairs, escapes you whenever you want to interfere +with other people's. You even forget, +at convenient times, your own Civil War. Just as there was not a protest made by +you against the methods of +our blockade of Germany for which an answer could not be found in some precedent +set by you in that War +of North and South, so now the best answer to your sympathy with the +preposterous claims of an Irish Republic +is to be found in those four years in which you fought so bloodily to preserve +the integrity of your own Union.</p> + +<p>"Yet you let men like <span class="sc">De Valera</span> go at large proclaiming the brutal +tyranny of the alien Saxon and +advertising his country as a Sovereign State—all because you have to 'placate' +the Irish interest. I should very +much like to hear what you would think of us if at our Elections we ran an +Anti-You campaign and even made +Intervention a plank in our platform (as one of your Parties did) for the sake +of 'placating' the niggers or the +Cubans or the Filipinos or any other sort of Dago in our midst.</p> + +<p>"Of course we are told—and of course I believe it—that the 'best' American +sentiment is all right. But, if so, +it must be cherished by a very select few, or they would never tolerate a +condition of things so rotten that, unless +your coming President finds some cure for it, you are like to become the +laughing-stock of Europe. I am almost +tempted to go into the Melting Pot myself and show you, as none but an American +citizen would ever be allowed +to show you, how it is to be done. Unfortunately I am too busy elsewhere, +putting my own country right.</p> + +<p>"But to conclude—for I see that we are drawing close to the landing-stage—I do +hope that in my +desire to be genial I have not been too flattering. No true friend ever +flatters. And in my heart, which has +some of our common blood in it (notoriously thicker than water), I cannot help +loving your country, and would +love it better still if only it gave me a better chance. Indeed, I belong at +home to a Society for the Promotion +of Anglo-American Friendship. More than that"—and here the Sage was seen to +probe into a voluminous and +bulging breast-pocket—"I have brought with me a token of affection designed to +stimulate a mutual cordiality."</p> + +<p>"<i>Not</i> a flask of whisky?" exclaimed the representative of <i>The +Democratic Elevator</i>, suddenly moved to animation.</p> + +<p>"No, not that, not that, my child," said Mr. Punch, "but something far, far +better for you; something that +gives you, among other less serious matter, a record of the way in which we in +England, with private troubles +of our own no easier than yours to bear, and exhausted with twice as many years +of sacrifice in the War of +Liberty (whose colossal effigy I have just had the pleasure to remark), still +try to play an honourable part in +that society of nations from which you have apparently resolved, for your better +ease and comfort, to cut yourselves +off. Be good enough to accept, in the spirit of benevolence in which I offer it, +this copy of my</p> + +<div class="figcenter"><img src="images/518a-600.png" width="600" height="44" alt="One Hundred and Fifty-Ninth Volume." border="0"></img></div> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:100%;"><a href="images/518.png"><img src="images/518-600.png" width="600" height="353" alt="One Hundred and Fifty-Ninth Volume." /></a></div> + +<hr /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="page519" id="page519"></a>[pg 519]</span> + + + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:100%;"><a href="images/519.png"><img src="images/519-600.png" width="600" height="296" alt="Index" /></a></div> + + +<h3>Cartoons.</h3> + +<table align="center" width="70%" summary="cartoons" border="0"> +<tr><td><br /> +<table align="center" summary="" border="0"> +<tr><td class="left1"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Partridge, Bernard</span></span></td><td class="right1"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Aladdin and the Miner's Lamp</td><td class="right1">311</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Bad for the Bull</td><td class="right1"> 51</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Cap of Liberty: Le Dernier Cri</td><td class="right1"> 191</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Close Corporation (A)</td><td class="right1"> 351</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Economists (The)</td><td class="right1"> 471</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Experts (The)</td><td class="right1"> 291</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Folly of Athens (The)</td><td class="right1"> 411</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">German Invasion (A)</td><td class="right1"> 431</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Great Repudiation (The)</td><td class="right1"> 231</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">"House"-Breaker (The)</td><td class="right1"> 151</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">If Winston Set the Fashion— </td><td class="right1"> 111</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">League of Youth (The)</td><td class="right1"> 91</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Micawber and Son </td><td class="right1"> 511</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Moral Suasion </td><td class="right1"> 71</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Prince Comes Home (The)</td><td class="right1"> 271</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Problem (The)</td><td class="right1"> 131</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Road to Economy (The) </td><td class="right1"> 451</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Salvage</td><td class="right1"> 251</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Scales of Justice (The)</td><td class="right1"> 331</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Session of Common Sense (A)</td><td class="right1"> 171</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Shrine of Honour (The)</td><td class="right1"> 371</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Snowed Under</td><td class="right1"> 211</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Verdun </td><td class="right1"> 491</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Worth a Trial <br /><br /></td><td class="right1"> 391<br /><br /></td></tr> + + <tr><td class="left1"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Raven-Hill, L.</span></span></td><td class="right1"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1"> Abysmalists (The)</td><td class="right1"> 383</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1"> Balm for the Sick Man </td><td class="right1"> 423</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1"> Blue Ribbon of the Sea (The)</td><td class="right1"> 83</td></tr> + </table> + </td><td> +<table align="center" summary="" border="0" style="vertical-align: top;"> + + + <tr><td class="left1">Boblet (The) </td><td class="right1"> 463</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Encourage Home Industries</td><td class="right1"> 363</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Evil Communications </td><td class="right1"> 43</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Good Fairy Georgina (The)</td><td class="right1"> 503</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Iconoclast (The) </td><td class="right1"> 123</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">I. O. U.</td><td class="right1"> 11</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Labor Omnia Vincit </td><td class="right1"> 443</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Last Straw (The)</td><td class="right1"> 403</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">"Lion of Lucerne (The)" </td><td class="right1"> 143</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Our Parish Church </td><td class="right1"> 31</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Our Village Sign </td><td class="right1"> 343</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Out of the Frying-Pan </td><td class="right1"> 183</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Polish Hug (The) </td><td class="right1"> 283</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Prospective Jonah? (A) </td><td class="right1"> 263</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Public Benefactor (The) </td><td class="right1"> 203</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Real Music (The) </td><td class="right1"> 103</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Resources of Civilisation (The)</td><td class="right1"> 303</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Road to Ruin (The) </td><td class="right1"> 163</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Sing a Song of Drachmas </td><td class="right1"> 483</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Tartarin dans les Indes</td><td class="right1"> 243</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Too-Free Country (A) <br /><br /></td><td class="right1"> 323<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left1"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Reynolds, Frank</span></span></td><td class="right1"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Under a Cloud (with a Golden Lining)<br /><br /></td><td class="right1"> 223<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left1"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Townsend, F. H.</span></span></td><td class="right1"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">L'Enfant Terrible </td><td class="right1"> 3</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Sea-view of the Situation (A)</td><td class="right1"> 63</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left1">Subject to Revision </td><td class="right1"> 23</td></tr> +</table> +</td></tr> +</table> +<br clear="all" /> + +<hr /> + +<h3>Articles.</h3> + +<table align="center" summary="Articles" border="0"> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Allen, Inglis</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Difference of Class (A)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 208<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Anderson, Miss E. V. M.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Mudford Blight (The)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 188<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Armstrong, H.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Working for Peace<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 330<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Bell, Neil</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Cage (The)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 349<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Biddulph, Miss Violet</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">In Defence of Dorothy<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 102<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Bird, A. W.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Cricket Mannerism (A)</td><td class="right"> 22</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Edward and the B.O.F.</td><td class="right"> 98</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Fine Old Fruity (The)</td><td class="right"> 490</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Stuttfield and the Reds</td><td class="right"> 374</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Twenty Years On <br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 55<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Blaikley, Miss E. L.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Pamela's Alphabet<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 270<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Bretherton, Cyril</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Charivaria</td><td class="right"> weekly</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">To Isis </td><td class="right"> 76</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Vignettes of Scottish Sport <br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 458<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Brown, C. L. M.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Our Invincible Navy<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 362<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Brown, Hilton</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Blue Mountains (The)</td><td class="right"> 136</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Nimrod </td><td class="right"> 195</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Santamingoes<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 24<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Bryant, A. W. M.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Kings and Queens<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 224<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Budgen, C. G.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Language for Logic (The)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 422<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Cameron, C. F.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Taxation of Virtue (The)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 214<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Casson, C. R.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Eve Victorious </td><td class="right"> 466</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Humourist (The)</td><td class="right"> 488</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Light Fantastic (The)</td><td class="right"> 366</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Word Chains <br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 28<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Chalmers, P. R.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Kelpie (The)</td><td class="right"> 149</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Visionary (The)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 124<br /><br /></td></tr> + + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Darmady, E. S.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Peculiar Case of Toller (The)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 75<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Darmady, E. S. & J.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Human City and Suburban (The)</td><td class="right"> 184</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Superfection Laundry (The)<br /><br /> </td><td class="right"> 342<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Davies, Miss S. M.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Prodigies (The)</td><td class="right"> 202</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Sources of Laughter<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 385<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Dyer, A. E. R.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Knell of the Navy (The) </td><td class="right"> 246</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Passing of Alfred (The)<br /><br /> </td><td class="right"> 298<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Eastwood, Captain</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Rabbits' Game (The)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 144<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Eckersley, Arthur</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Squatters<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 105<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Farrow, R. S.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left"> New Journalism (The)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 370<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Fay, S. J.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Authorship for All</td><td class="right"> 46, 66</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Dissimulation of Suzanne </td><td class="right"> 176</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">My Right-Hand Man</td><td class="right"> 234</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Sayings of Barbara (The)<br /><br /> </td><td class="right"> 388<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Fox-Smith, Miss C.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">All Sorts </td><td class="right"> 46</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Nitrates</td><td class="right"> 86</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Ship in a Bottle (A)</td><td class="right"> 230</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Yarns <br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 390<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Franklin, Bernard</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Ballad of the Early Worm (A)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 265<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Fyleman, Miss Rose</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Check by the Queen </td><td class="right"> 306</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Consolation </td><td class="right"> 264</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Fairy Tailor (The) </td><td class="right"> 482</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Queen's Counsel</td><td class="right"> 88</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Rainy Morning</td><td class="right"> 253</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Wedding Presents<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 186<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Garland, A. P.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Patient's Library (The)</td><td class="right"> 118</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Place of the Trombone in the Band (The)</td><td class="right"> 428</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Romance of Book-making (The)</td><td class="right"> 2</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Timon<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 1<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Garstin, Crosbie</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Barrel of Beef (The)</td><td class="right"> 456</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Down Channel</td><td class="right"> 77</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Fair (The)</td><td class="right"> 110</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Letter to the Back-Blocks</td><td class="right"> 324</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Old Woman's House Rock, Scilly </td><td class="right"> 213</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Our Heavy-Waits</td><td class="right"> 464</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Reefs (The)</td><td class="right"> 30</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Spanish Ledges<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 237<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Gillman, W. H.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Counter-Irritant (The)</td><td class="right"> 108</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Headlining</td><td class="right"> 318</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Very Personal<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 255<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Goodhart, Mrs. H.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Logs to Burn <br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 337<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Graves, C. L.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Between Two Stools</td><td class="right"> 226</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">British Tarpon (The)</td><td class="right"> 198</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Changes in Club-Land</td><td class="right"> 130</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Cry of the Adult Author (The)</td><td class="right"> 345</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Cures Worth Making </td><td class="right"> 38</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Fashion and Physique</td><td class="right"> 210</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Footnote to the "Bab Ballads"</td><td class="right"> 408</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">From Spa and Shore</td><td class="right"> 122</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Happy Gardener (The)</td><td class="right"> 398</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Mixed Meteorological Maxims </td><td class="right"> 269</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">New Utopia (The)</td><td class="right"> 366</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Our Lucky Dippers </td><td class="right"> 442</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Our Natural History Column</td><td class="right"> 69</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Prawling's Theory </td><td class="right"> 316</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Puss at the Palace </td><td class="right"> 490</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Revival of the Fittest (The)</td><td class="right"> 116</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Revival of Ollendorff </td><td class="right"> 335</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Revolt of Youth (The)</td><td class="right"> 168</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">St. Cecilia of Cremona </td><td class="right"> 514</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">State and the Screen (The)</td><td class="right"> 50</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">To Certain Cautious Prophets</td><td class="right"> 256</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">To General Oi</td><td class="right"> 198</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Tragedy of Reaction (A)</td><td class="right"> 19</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Two Studies in Musical Criticism </td><td class="right"> 276</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">When and If <br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 289<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Greenland, George</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Miriam's Two Babies<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 254<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Harwood, A. C.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">How to Build a House <br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 176<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Haselden, Percy</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Old Beer Flagon (The)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 358<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Herbert, A. P.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Art of Poetry (The)</td><td class="right"> 164</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Autobiography Shocker (The)</td><td class="right"> 313</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Contemporary Folksongs </td><td class="right"> 384</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Criminal Type (A) </td><td class="right"> 62</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Euclid in Real Life </td><td class="right"> 346</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Foul Game (A) </td><td class="right"> 495</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Grasshopper (The)</td><td class="right"> 42</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Happy Hoots (The)</td><td class="right"> 502</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Heart of Mine</td><td class="right"> 88</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">If They were at School </td><td class="right"> 408</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Korban Bath (The)</td><td class="right"> 288</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Little Bits of London </td><td class="right"> 468</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Little Horse (The)</td><td class="right"> 26</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Mystery (The)</td><td class="right"> 126</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Mystery of the Apple-pie Beds </td><td class="right"> 268</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left" valign="top">New Rhymes for Old Children</td><td class="right"> 186, 215, 234, 244, 295, 306, 329, 350,<br /> 365, 416, 426, 455, 475, 485, 510</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">On with the Dance</td><td class="right"> 6</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Private Film (The)</td><td class="right"> 338</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Seven Whitebait </td><td class="right"> 206</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Spider (The)</td><td class="right"> 116</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Thoughts on <i>The Times</i> </td><td class="right"> 148</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">White Spat (The)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 448<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Heyer, George</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Rhymes of the Underground<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 95, 115, 176, 193<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Hodgkinson, T.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Best Laid Schemes (The)</td><td class="right"> 66</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Devoted Lover (The)</td><td class="right"> 270</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">First Love and Last </td><td class="right"> 146</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Home from Home (A)</td><td class="right"> 225</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Love's Handicap </td><td class="right"> 318</td></tr> +<tr><td class="left"><span class="pagenum"><a name="page520" id="page520"></a>[pg 520]</span> + <i>Mens Conscia Mali</i></td><td class="right"> 106</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Ministering Angel (The)</td><td class="right"> 85</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Note on the Drama (A)</td><td class="right"> 450</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Sartorial Tragedy (A)</td><td class="right"> 398</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Vanished Glory </td><td class="right"> 7</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Warning from the Sky (A)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 513<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Holmes, Capt. W. K.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Ben and the Boot (The)</td><td class="right"> 233</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Territorial (The)</td><td class="right"> 137</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">To James in the Bath</td><td class="right"> 250</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Victim of Fashion (A)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 96<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Holt, E. C.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left" valign="top">Songs of an Ovalite </td><td class="right"> 45<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Jackson, Lieut. Gerald, R.N.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Difficult Case (A)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 410<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Jagger, Arthur</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Elfin Tennis</td><td class="right"> 405</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left"><i>Rara Avis</i></td><td class="right"> 182</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Westward Ho!<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 169<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Jay, Thomas</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Charivaria</td><td class="right"> weekly</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Questions<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 449<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Jenkins, Ernest</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Barker that Missed Fire (The)</td><td class="right"> 510</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Downing of the Pen (The</td><td class="right"> 354</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Improving "Hansard"</td><td class="right"> 434</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">My Dromedary</td><td class="right"> 78</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Premier's Metaphors (The)</td><td class="right"> 386</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Should Millionaires read Homer? </td><td class="right"> 58</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Shrimp Test (The) </td><td class="right"> 253</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Solving the Holiday Fare Problem </td><td class="right"> 81</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">When Charl. comes over<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 18<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Kidd, Arthur</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Another War to End War</td><td class="right"> 175</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">More Secret History</td><td class="right"> 326</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Our "Promised" Land </td><td class="right"> 429</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Passing of the Cradle (The)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 205<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Kilpatrick, Mrs.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Elizabeth Goes on Holiday</td><td class="right"> 64</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Elizabeth Goes to the Sales</td><td class="right"> 4</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Elizabeth Outwitted</td><td class="right"> 284</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Elizabeth's Christmas</td><td class="right"> 504</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Ernest Experiments</td><td class="right"> 315</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Hard Times for Heroines<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 146<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">King, P. J.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Ministry for Heroes (The)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 294<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Kitchin, Harcourt</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">My Rat <br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 25<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Knox, E. V.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">About Conferences</td><td class="right"> 326</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">About Golf </td><td class="right"> 462</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Coal Cup (The)</td><td class="right"> 204</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Converted Castles</td><td class="right"> 48</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">D'Annunzio Dialogue (A) </td><td class="right"> 406</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">George, Jane and Lenin</td><td class="right"> 153</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Gone Away!</td><td class="right"> 302</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Handy Man (The)</td><td class="right"> 228</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Harding and Cox </td><td class="right"> 37</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">I remember—I remember</td><td class="right"> 70</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Maybirds</td><td class="right"> 506</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Miners' Opera (The) </td><td class="right"> 262</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">More Pay for M.P.s</td><td class="right"> 438</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">My Apologia </td><td class="right"> 377</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">On Running Down to Brighton</td><td class="right"> 190</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Priscilla Paints </td><td class="right"> 18</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Priscilla Plays Fairies</td><td class="right"> 446</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Proof Positive </td><td class="right"> 344</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Sand Sports </td><td class="right"> 170</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">September in My Garden</td><td class="right"> 244</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Squish</td><td class="right"> 106</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Taffy the Fox </td><td class="right"> 486</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Thoughts in a Cold Snap</td><td class="right"> 484</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Unauthentic Impressions</td><td class="right"> 364, 382, 404, 424, 444</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Ways and Means </td><td class="right"> 68</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Yet One More Plan for Ireland <br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 282<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Lamburn, Miss R. C.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Anniversary (The)</td><td class="right"> 118</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Birthday Present (The)</td><td class="right"> 94</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Strike in Fairyland (A)</td><td class="right"> 356</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Way Out of the Present Unrest<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 238<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Langley, F. O.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Boot Mystery (The)</td><td class="right"> 414</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Conspirators (The)</td><td class="right"> 248, 266, 286, 308, 328, 348</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Genf and the League of Nations</td><td class="right"> 368</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">King's Messenger (The)</td><td class="right"> 8</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Lucerne</td><td class="right"> 154</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Mountain and the Prophets (The)</td><td class="right"> 476</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Movement in the Money Market </td><td class="right"> 189</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Story about a Clock (A)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 38<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Lewis, M. A.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Tragedy in Birdland (A)</td><td class="right"> 395</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Transmigration of Bowles (The)</td><td class="right"> 128</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left"><i>Vade Mecums</i> <br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 96<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Leys, Miss H. M.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left" valign="top">Flowers' Names<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 57, 78, 90, 104, 122, 145, 198, 206,<br /> 229, 273, 298<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Locker, W. A.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Essence of Parliament </td><td class="right"> weekly during Session</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Among the Pedestals </td><td class="right"> 122</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Brown Lady (The)</td><td class="right"> 430</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Buckler's</td><td class="right"> 76</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Cabman and the Coin (The)</td><td class="right"> 246</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Cynosure (The)</td><td class="right"> 397</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Dining Gladiator (The)</td><td class="right"> 304, 322</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Down-our-Court Circular </td><td class="right"> 117</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">End of the Season (The)</td><td class="right"> 194</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">For Ourselves Alone </td><td class="right"> 296</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Honours Easy </td><td class="right"> 274</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">If We All Took to Margotry </td><td class="right"> 142</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Letters I never Post (The)</td><td class="right"> 416</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Letters I never Posted </td><td class="right"> 508</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">More Margobiography </td><td class="right"> 102</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Mother-in-law Mystery (The)</td><td class="right"> 376</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Other Half (The) </td><td class="right"> 476</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Philosophers </td><td class="right"> 22</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Points of View </td><td class="right"> 56</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Privileges of Margotism (The)</td><td class="right"> 166</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Ring in the Old</td><td class="right"> 358</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Succulent Comedians (The)</td><td class="right"> 84</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">"Suggestions"</td><td class="right"> 496</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">That Tea Interval </td><td class="right"> 216</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Three Exceptional Men </td><td class="right"> 15</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Wire and Barbed Wire<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 226<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Martin, N. R.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Sniper (The)</td><td class="right"> 406</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Tips for Uncles <br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 49<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">May, H. R. D.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Whiff of the Briny (A)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 162<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Morrison, A. C. L.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Language Difficulty (The)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 218<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Norriss, Cecil</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Charivaria <br /><br /></td><td class="right"> weekly<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Nott-Bower, W. G.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">"G.B.R.L."<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 435<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Ogilvie, W. H.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Opening Run (The)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 357<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Penney, F. G.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">To a Clerical Golfing Friend<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 455<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Phelps, S. K.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Ministry of Ancestry (The)</td><td class="right"> 222</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Pigs<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 258<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Platt, F. W.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Wail of the Wasp (The)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 238<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Plumbe, C. C.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Roses all the Way<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 86<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Preston-Tewart, A.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Bridge Conventions<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 242<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Richardson, R. J.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Cubbin' thro' the Rye</td><td class="right"> 266</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Headgear for Heroes </td><td class="right"> 229</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Room at the Back (The)</td><td class="right"> 174</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Scene at the Club (A)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 74<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Rigby, Reginald</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Great Idea (The)</td><td class="right"> 394</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Little Moa (The)</td><td class="right"> 265</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Piglets </td><td class="right"> 56</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Prone </td><td class="right"> 149</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">What to do with our Boys <br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 136<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Salvidge, Stanley</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Belles of the Ball<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 402<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Seaman, Owen</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Apology to the Bench (An</td><td class="right"> 142</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Ashes (The)</td><td class="right"> 222</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">As We See Others </td><td class="right"> 517</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">At the Play </td><td class="right"> 158, 196, 236, 256, 275, 336, 378, 418, 514</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">"Christmas Spirit (The)" </td><td class="right"> 482</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Dark Ages (The)</td><td class="right"> 442</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Doggerel</td><td class="right"> 202</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Falling Prices</td><td class="right"> 302</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">How to Vitalise the Drama</td><td class="right"> 382</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Lessons from Nature </td><td class="right"> 262</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Michaelmas and the Goose </td><td class="right"> 242</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Mr. Smillie's Little Armageddon </td><td class="right"> 162</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Poet-Laureate and his German Friends (The)</td><td class="right"> 342</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Standard Golf-Ball (The)</td><td class="right"> 422</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">To the Lion of Lucerne</td><td class="right"> 462</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">To our Play-Makers </td><td class="right"> 282</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Unknown Warrior (The)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 370<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Silsby, Miss E.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Late Worm (The)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 322<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Smith, E. A.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">One Touch of Dickens<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 436<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Spender, Miss B. E.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Unlikely Story (An)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 438<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Stuart, Miss D. M.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Before the Cenotaph</td><td class="right"> 362</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Chantry (The)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 298<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Taylor, S. J.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">To a Maker of Pills<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 150<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Thornhill, J. F. P.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Beau Brimacombe<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 396<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Thorp, Joseph</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">At the Play<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 44, 125, 276, 456<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Trotter, Mrs. A. F.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Moon-Seller (The)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 216<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Westbrook, H. W.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Beginner (The)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 109<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Whitaker, V.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Nocturne<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 58<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">White, E. P.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Another Garden of Allah </td><td class="right"> 108</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Goldwire and Poppyseed</td><td class="right"> 9</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Racing as a Business </td><td class="right"> 426</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left"><i>Si Jeunesse Savait</i></td><td class="right"> 310</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Taste of Authority (A)</td><td class="right"> 138</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">"To Him that hath ..."</td><td class="right"> 156</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Vacillating Policy (A)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 398<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">White, R. F.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Increased Output</td><td class="right"> 402</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Type-Slinger (The)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 334<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Whitmarsh, F. J.</span></span></td><td class="right"> </td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Guide to Greatness (A)</td><td class="right"> 330</td></tr> + <tr><td class="left">Peerless Provincial (The)<br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 297<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td colspan="2"> + +<hr /> + +</td></tr> +<tr><td colspan="2"> +<br /> +<h3>Pictures and Sketches.</h3> + +</td> +</tr> +<tr><td class="left" valign="top"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Armour, G. D.</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 159, 215, 233, 248, 279, 295, 339, 379, 419, 439,<br /> 459, 479, 513<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Bateman, H. M.</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 16, 17, 35, 187, 257, 267<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left" valign="top"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Baumer, Lewis</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right">119, 190, 207, 224, 250, 270, 330, 390, 430, 450,<br /> 490, 510<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Belcher, George</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 75, 97<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Bird, W.</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 40, 61, 161, 177, 308, 417, 435, 461<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Brock, H. M.</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 9, 57, 89, 109, 297, 364, 415<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Brook, Ricardo</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 300<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Cottrell, Tom</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 169, 474<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Curry, J. R.</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 280<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left" valign="top"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Dowd, J. H.</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right">28, 100, 148, 160, 168, 178, 181, 188, 241, 261,<br /> 361, 428, 501<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Earnshaw, Harold</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 341, 345<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left" valign="top"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">"Fougasse"</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 27, 47, 87, 101, 121, 154, 227, 277, 287, 317, 369,<br /> 407, 447, 477, 487, 500<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Fraser, Peter</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 105, 221, 268, 288, 328, 399, 420<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Gammon, Reginald</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 139, 209<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Garstin, Crosbie</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 21<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Ghilchik, D. L.</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 41, 218<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left" valign="top"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Grave, Charles</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 19, 25, 99, 125, 204, 249, 293, 395, 465<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Harrison, Charles</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 356, 376, 499<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Haselden, W. K.</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 276, 336, 418, 456<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Henry, Thomas</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right">48, 488<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Jennis, G.</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 77, 144, 259, 316, 337, 359<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Llewellyn, Major W.</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 498<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left" valign="top"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Lloyd, A. W.</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 13, 33, 34, 53, 54, 73, 74, 93, 94, 113, 133, 134, 333,<br /> 353, 354, 373, 374, +393, 413, 414, 433, 434, 453, <br />473, 493, 512<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Martin, L. B.</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 114<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left" valign="top"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Mills, A. Wallis</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 30, 45, 70, 127, 153, 164, 210, +278, 289, 315, 335,<br /> 355, 377, 409, 424, 457, 475, 485, 504<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Moreland, Arthur</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 141, 174, 201, 319, 394<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Morrison, J.</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 138<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Morrow, Edwin</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 388<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left" valign="top"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Morrow, George</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 60, 80, 120, 140, 180, 195, 220, +237, 260, 273, 320,<br /> 340, 360, 380, 400, 410, 440, 460, 480, 495, 516<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Norris, Arthur</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 68, 348, 397<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Owen, Will</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 385<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Partridge, Bernard</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 1<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Pett, Norman</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 20, 36, 98, 228, 258, 301, 421, 446<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Prance, Bertram</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 79, 117, 137, 299, 436, 468<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Raven-Hill, L.</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 37, 55, 95, 189, 253, 269, 334, 396, 478, 497, 518<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left" valign="top"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Reynolds, Frank</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 4, 24, 44, 64, 84, 104, 124, 157, 158, 170, 184, 194, <br />196, 213, +236, 239, 244, 275, 284, 304, 327, 344,<br /> 367, 389, 404, 427, 444, 464, 484, 509<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Ridgewell, W. L.</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 14, 128<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Rowntree, Harry</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 149<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left" valign="top"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Shepard, E. H.</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 10, 107, 130, 167, 197, 234, 254, 264, 455, 515<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Shepherd, J. A.</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 217<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Shepperson, C. A.</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 67, 147, 247, 347, 469, 507<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Simmons, Graham</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 173<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left" valign="top"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Smith, A. T.</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 50, 135, 145, 179, 240, 294, 313, 357, 368, 375<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Speed, Lancelot</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 78, 235, 305<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left" valign="top"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Stampa, G. L.</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 15, 29, 59, 85, 155, 175, 199, 219, 229, 274, 307,<br /> +329, 350, 365, 387, 425, 454, 467, 489<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Terry, Stan</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 81, 200, 208, 281, 321, 381, 401, 441<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left" valign="top"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Thomas, Bert</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 7, 69, 115, 185, 214, 225, 255, 285, 309, 324, 405, <br />494, 505<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Thorp, J. H.</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 296, 314, 42<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left" valign="top"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Townsend, F. H.</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 5, 39, 49, 65, 90, 110, 129, 150, 165, 193, +205, 230, <br />245, 265, 290, 310, 325, 349, 370, 384, 408, 437, <br />449, 470, 506<br /><br /></td></tr> + +<tr><td class="left"><span class="outdent"><span class="sc">Wood, Starr</span>,</span><br /><br /></td><td class="right"> 445<br /><br /></td></tr> +</table> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width:100%;"><a href="images/520.png"><img src="images/520-324.png" width="324" height="450" alt="FINIS" /></a></div> +<hr class="full" /> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume +159, December 29, 1920, by Various + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH *** + +***** This file should be named 20334-h.htm or 20334-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/0/3/3/20334/ + +Produced by Lesley Halamek, Jonathan Ingram and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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