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diff --git a/20090-h/20090-h.htm b/20090-h/20090-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c7f0762 --- /dev/null +++ b/20090-h/20090-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,9334 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Uncollected Writings of Thomas De Quincey, Volume II + </title> + <style type="text/css"> +/*<![CDATA[ XML blockout */ +<!-- + p { margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; + } + hr { width: 33%; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; + } + + table {margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;} + + body{margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + } + + div.trans-note {border-style: solid; border-width: 1px; + margin: 3em 15%; padding: 1em; text-align: center;} + + + .pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ + /* visibility: hidden; */ + position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: smaller; + text-align: right; + } /* page numbers */ + + .linenum {position: absolute; top: auto; left: 4%;} /* poetry number */ + .blockquot{margin-left: 5%; margin-right: 10%;} + + .bb {border-bottom: solid 2px;} + .bl {border-left: solid 2px;} + .bt {border-top: solid 2px;} + .br {border-right: solid 2px;} + .bbox {border: solid 2px;} + + .center {text-align: center;} + .smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + .u {text-decoration: underline;} + + .caption {font-weight: bold;} + + .figcenter {margin: auto; text-align: center;} + + .figleft {float: left; clear: left; margin-left: 0; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: + 1em; margin-right: 1em; padding: 0; text-align: center;} + + .figright {float: right; clear: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; + margin-top: 1em; margin-right: 0; padding: 0; text-align: center;} + + .footnotes {border: dashed 1px;} + .footnote {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-size: 0.9em;} + .footnote .label {position: absolute; right: 84%; text-align: right;} + .fnanchor {vertical-align: 40%; font-size: 70%; text-decoration: none;} + + + + // --> + /* XML end ]]>*/ + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Uncollected Writings of Thomas de +Quincey, Vol. 2, by Thomas de Quincey + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Uncollected Writings of Thomas de Quincey, Vol. 2 + With a Preface and Annotations by James Hogg + +Author: Thomas de Quincey + +Editor: James Hogg + +Release Date: December 11, 2006 [EBook #20090] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THOMAS DE QUINCEY *** + + + + +Produced by Robert Connal, Paul Good and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by the Bibliothèque nationale de France (BnF/Gallica) at +http://gallica.bnf.fr) + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<h2>THE UNCOLLECTED WRITINGS</h2> +<h5>OF</h5> +<h1>THOMAS DE QUINCEY.</h1> +<p><br /></p> +<h5>WITH</h5> +<h3>A PREFACE AND ANNOTATIONS</h3> +<h5>BY</h5> +<h4>JAMES HOGG.</h4> +<hr style='width: 20%;' /> +<h5>IN TWO VOLUMES. VOL. II.</h5> + + + <div class="figcenter" style="width: 100px;"> +<img src="images/image02.jpg" width="80" height="107" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + + +<h4>LONDON:</h4> +<h3>SWAN SONNENSCHEIN & CO.,</h3> +<h4>PATERNOSTER SQUARE.</h4> + +<h4>1890.</h4> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</a></span></p> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Richard Clay & Sons, Limited,<br /> +London & Bungay.</span></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<div class="trans-note"> + Transcriber's Note: Variation in the spelling of some +words is maintained from the original. + </div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</a></span> +</p> + +<h2><a name="TOC" id="TOC"></a>CONTENTS.</h2> + +<div class="centered"> +<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="4" summary="Table Of Contents"> + +<tr><td></td><td align="right"><small>PAGE</small></td></tr> + +<tr><td>THE ENGLISH IN CHINA.</td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_7">7</a></td></tr> +<tr><td>SHAKSPERE'S TEXT.—SUETONIUS UNRAVELLED.</td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_37">37</a></td></tr> +<tr><td>HOW TO WRITE ENGLISH.</td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_55">55</a></td></tr> +<tr><td>THE CASUISTRY OF DUELLING.</td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_65">65</a></td></tr> +<tr><td>THE LOVE-CHARM.</td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_113">113</a></td></tr> +<tr><td>LUDWIG TIECK.</td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_153">153</a></td></tr> +<tr><td>LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT.—THE HOUSE OF WEEPING.</td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_160">160</a></td></tr> +<tr><td>THE HOUSEHOLD WRECK.</td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_173">173</a></td></tr> +<tr><td>MR. SCHNACKENBERGER; OR, TWO MASTERS FOR ONE DOG.</td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_279">279</a></td></tr> +<tr><td>ANGLO-GERMAN DICTIONARIE.</td> <td align="right"><a href="#Page_348">348</a></td></tr> + +</table> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span></p> + + + +<h2><a name="THE_ENGLISH_IN_CHINA" id="THE_ENGLISH_IN_CHINA"></a>THE ENGLISH IN CHINA.</h2> + + +<p>This Paper, originally written for me in 1857, and published in <i>Titan</i> for +July of that year, has not appeared in any collective edition of the +author's works, British or American. It was his closing contribution to a +series of three articles concerning Chinese affairs; prepared when our +troubles with that Empire seemed to render war imminent. The first two were +given in <i>Titan</i> for February and April, 1857, and then issued with +additions in the form of a pamphlet which is now very scarce. It consisted +of 152 pages thus arranged:—(1) Preliminary Note, i-iv; (2) Preface, pp. +3-68; (3) China (the two <i>Titan</i> papers), pp. 69-149; (4) Postscript, pp. +149-152.</p> + +<p>In the posthumous supplementary volume (XVI.) of the collected works the +<i>third section</i> was reprinted, but all the other matter was discarded—with +a rather imperfect appreciation of the labour which the author had bestowed +upon it, and his own estimate of the value of what he had condensed in this +Series—as frequently expressed to me during its progress.</p> + +<p>In the twelfth volume of the 'Riverside' Edition of De Quincey's works, +published by Houghton, Mifflin & Co., Boston, U.S.A., the whole of the 152 +pp. of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span>the expanded <i>China</i> reprint are given, but not the final section +here reproduced from <i>Titan</i>.</p> + +<p>The Chinese questions stirred <span class="smcap">De Quincey</span> profoundly, and roused all the +'John Bullism' of his nature. Two passages from the 'Preliminary Note' will +show his object in throwing so much energy into this subject:—</p> + +<p><br /></p> +<h4>NATIONAL MORALITY.</h4> + +<p>'Its purpose<a name="FNanchor_1_1" id="FNanchor_1_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_1_1" class="fnanchor">[1]</a> is to diffuse amongst those of the middle classes, whose +daily occupations leave them small leisure for direct personal inquiries, +some sufficient materials for appreciating the <i>justice</i> of our British +pretensions and attitude in our coming war with China. It is a question +frequently raised amongst public journalists, whether we British are +entitled to that exalted distinction which sometimes we claim for ourselves, +and which sometimes is claimed on our behalf, by neutral observers on the +national practice of morality. There is no call in this place for so large a +discussion; but, most undoubtedly, in one feature of so grand a distinction, +in one reasonable presumption for inferring a profounder national +conscientiousness, as diffused among the British people, stands upon record, +in the pages of history, this memorable fact, that always at the opening +(and at intervals throughout the progress) of any war, there has been much +and angry discussion amongst us British as to the equity of its origin, and +the moral reasonableness of its objects. Whereas, on the Continent, no man +ever heard of a question being raised, or a faction being embattled, upon +any <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span>demur (great or small) as to the moral grounds of a war. To be able to +face the trials of a war—<i>that</i> was its justification; and to win +victories—<i>that</i> was its ratification for the conscience.'</p> + +<p><br /></p> +<h4>CHINESE POLICY.</h4> + +<p>'The dispute at Shanghai, in 1848, equally as regards the origin of that +dispute, and as regards the Chinese mode of conducting it, will give the +reader a key to the Chinese character and the Chinese policy. To begin by +making the most arrogant resistance to the simplest demands of justice, to +end by cringing in the lowliest fashion before the guns of a little +war-brig, there we have, in a representative abstract, the Chinese system of +law and gospel. The equities of the present war are briefly summed up in +this one question: What is it that our brutal enemy wants from us? Is it +some concession in a point of international law, or of commercial rights, or +of local privilege, or of traditional usage, that the Chinese would exact? +Nothing of the kind. It is simply a license, guaranteed by ourselves, to +call us in all proclamations by scurrilous names; and secondly, with our own +consent, to inflict upon us, in the face of universal China, one signal +humiliation.... Us—the freemen of the earth by emphatic precedency—us, the +leaders of civilisation, would this putrescent<a name="FNanchor_2_2" id="FNanchor_2_2"></a><a href="#Footnote_2_2" class="fnanchor">[2]</a> tribe of hole-and-corner +assassins take upon themselves, not to force into entering by an ignoble +gate [the reference here is to a previous passage concerning the low door by +which Spanish <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span>fanaticism ordained that the <i>Cagots</i> (lepers) of the +Pyrenees should enter the churches in a stooping attitude], but to exclude +from it altogether, and for ever. Briefly, then, for this licensed +scurrility, in the first place; and, in the second, for this foul indignity +of a spiteful exclusion from a right four times secured by treaty, it is +that the Chinese are facing the unhappy issues of war.'</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The position and outcome of matters in those critical years may be recalled +by a few lines from the annual summaries of <i>The Times</i> on the New Years' +days of 1858 and 1859. These indicate that <span class="smcap">De Quincey</span> was here a pretty fair +exponent of the growing wrath of the English people.</p> + + +<p class="center">[<i>January 1, 1858.</i>]</p> + +<p>'The presence of the China force on the Indian Seas was especially +fortunate. The demand for reinforcements at Calcutta (caused by the Indian +Mutiny) was obviously more urgent than the necessity for punishing the +insolence at Canton. At a more convenient season the necessary operations in +China will be resumed, and in the meantime the blockading squadron has kept +the offending population from despising the resentment of England. The +interval which has elapsed has served to remove all reasonable doubt of the +necessity of enforcing redress. Public opinion has not during the last +twelvemonth become more tolerant of barbarian outrages. There is no reason +to believe that the punishment of the provincial authorities will involve +the cessation of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span>intercourse with the remainder of the Chinese Empire.'</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p class="center">[<i>January 1, 1859.</i>]</p> + +<p>'The working of our treaties with China and Japan will be watched with +curiosity both in and out of doors, and we can only hope that nothing will +be done to blunt the edge of that masterly decision by which these two +giants of Eastern tale have been felled to the earth, and reduced to the +level and bearing of common humanity.'</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The titles which follow are those which were given by <span class="smcap">De Quincey</span> himself to +the three Sections.—H.</p> + + +<p><br /></p> +<h4>HINTS TOWARDS AN APPRECIATION OF THE COMING WAR IN CHINA.</h4> + +<p>Said before the opening of July, that same warning remark may happen to have +a prophetic rank, and practically, a prophetic value, which two months later +would tell for mere history, and history paid for by a painful experience.</p> + +<p>The war which is now approaching wears in some respects the strangest +features that have yet been heard of in old romance, or in prosaic history, +for we are at war with the southernmost province of China—namely, Quantung, +and pre-eminently with its chief city of Canton, but not with the other four +commercial ports of China, nor; in fact, at present with China in general; +and, again, we are at war with Yeh, the poisoning Governor of Canton, but +(which is strangest <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span>of all) not with Yeh's master—the Tartar +Emperor—locked up in a far-distant Peking.</p> + +<p>Another strange feature in this war is—the footing upon which our alliances +stand. For allies, it seems, we are to have; nominal, as regards the costs +of war, but real and virtual as regards its profits. The French, the +Americans,<a name="FNanchor_3_3" id="FNanchor_3_3"></a><a href="#Footnote_3_3" class="fnanchor">[3]</a> and I believe the Belgians, have pushed forward (absolutely in +post-haste advance of ourselves) their several diplomatic representatives, +who are instructed duly to lodge their claims for equal shares of the +benefits reaped by our British <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span>fighting, but with no power to contribute a +single file towards the bloodshed of this war, nor a single guinea towards +its money costs. Napoleon I., in a craze of childish spite towards this +country, pleased himself with denying the modern heraldic bearings of Great +Britain, and resuscitating the obsolete shield of our Plantagenets; he +insisted that our true armorial ensigns were the leopards. But really the +Third Napoleon is putting life and significance into his uncle's hint, and +using us, as in Hindostan they use the cheeta or hunting-leopard, for +rousing and running down his oriental game. It is true, that in certain +desperate circumstances, when no opening remains for pacific negotiation, +these French and American agents are empowered to send home for military +succours. A worshipful prospect, when we throw back our eyes upon our own +share in these warlike preparations, with all the advantages of an +unparalleled marine. Six months have slipped away since Lord Clarendon, our +Foreign Secretary, received, in Downing Street, Sir J. Bowring's and Admiral +Seymour's reports of Yeh's atrocities. Six calendar months, not less, but +more, by some days, have run past us since then; and though some +considerable part of our large reinforcements must have reached their ground +in April, and even the commander-in-chief (Sir John Ashburnham) by the +middle of May, yet, I believe, that many of the gun-boats, on which mainly +will rest the pursuit of Yeh's junks, if any remain unabsconded northwards, +have actually not yet left our own shores. The war should naturally have run +its course in one campaign. Assuredly it will, if confined within the limits +of Yeh's command, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span>even supposing that command to comprehend the two Quangs. +Practically, then, it is a fantastic impossibility that any reversionary +service to our British expedition, which is held out in prophetic vision as +consecrating our French and American friends from all taint of mercenary +selfishness, ever can be realised. I am not going to pursue this subject. +But a brief application of it to a question at this moment (June 16) +urgently appealing to public favour is natural and fair. Canvassers are now +everywhere moving on behalf of a ship canal across the Isthmus of Suez. This +canal proposes to call upon the subscribers for £9,000,000 sterling; the +general belief is, that first and last it will call for £12,000,000 to +£15,000,000. But at that price, or at any price, it is cheap; and ultimate +failure is impossible. Why do I mention it? Everywhere there is a rumour +that 'a narrow jealousy' in London is the bar which obstructs this canal +speculation. There is, indeed, and already before the canal proposal there +<i>was</i>, a plan in motion for a <i>railway</i> across the isthmus, which seems far +enough from meeting the vast and growing necessities of the case. But be +<i>that</i> as it may, with what right does any man in Europe, or America, impute +narrowness of spirit, local jealousy, or selfishness, to England, when he +calls to mind what sacrifices she is at this moment making for those very +oriental interests which give to the ship canal its sole value—the men, the +ships, the money spent, or to <i>be</i> spent, upon the Canton war, and then in +fairness connects that expense (or the similar expense made by her in +1840-42) with the operative use to which, in those years, she applied all +the diplomatic concessions extorted by <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span>her arms. The first word—a +memorable word—which she uttered on proposing her terms in 1842, was, What +I demand for myself, <i>that</i> let all Christendom enjoy. And since that era +(<i>i. e.</i>, for upwards of fourteen years) all Christendom, that did not fail +in the requisite energy for improving the opportunities then first laid +open, <i>has</i> enjoyed the very same advantages in Chinese ports as Great +Britain; secondly, without having contributed anything whatever to the +winning or the securing of these advantages; thirdly, on the pure volunteer +intercession made by Britain on their behalf. The world has seen enough of +violence and cruelties, the most bloody in the service of commercial +jealousies, and nowhere more than in these oriental regions: witness the +abominable acts of the Dutch at Amboyna, in Japan, and in Java, &c.; witness +the bigoted oppressions, where and when soever they had power, of the +colonising Portuguese and Spaniards. Tyranny and merciless severities for +the ruin of commercial rivals have been no rarities for the last three and a +half centuries in any region of the East. But first of all, from Great +Britain in 1842 was heard the free, spontaneous proclamation—this was a +rarity—unlimited access, with advantages the very same as her own, to a +commerce which it was always imagined that she laboured to hedge round with +repulsions, making it sacred to her own privileged use. A royal gift was +this; but a gift which has not been received by Christendom in a +corresponding spirit of liberal appreciation. One proof of <i>that</i> may be +read in the invidious statement, supported by no facts or names, which I +have just cited. Were this even true, a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span>London merchant is not therefore a +Londoner, or even a Briton. Germans, Swiss, Frenchmen, &c., are settled +there as merchants, in crowds. No nation, however, is compromised by any act +of her citizens acting as separate and uncountenanced individuals. So that, +even if better established as a fact, this idle story would still be a +calumny; and as a calumny it would merit little notice. Nevertheless, I have +felt it prudent to give it a prominent station, as fitted peculiarly, by the +dark shadows of its malice, pointed at our whole nation collectively, to +call into more vivid relief the unexampled lustre of that royal munificence +in England, which, by one article of a treaty, dictated at the point of her +bayonets, threw open in an hour, to all nations, that Chinese commerce, +never previously unsealed through countless generations of man.</p> + +<p>Next, then, having endeavoured to place these preliminary points in their +true light, I will anticipate the course by which the campaign would +naturally be likely to travel, supposing no alien and mischievous +disturbance at work for deranging it. Simply to want fighting allies would +be no very menacing evil. We managed to do without them in our pretty +extensive plan of warfare fifteen years ago; and there is no reason why we +should find our difficulties now more intractable than then. I should +imagine that the American Congress and the French Executive would look on +uneasily, and with a sense of shame, at the prospect of sharing largely in +commercial benefits which they had not earned, whilst the burdens of the day +were falling exclusively upon the troops of our nation; but <i>that</i> is a +consideration for their <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span>own feelings, and may happen to corrode their +hearts and their sense of honour most profoundly at some future time, when +it may have ceased to be remediable. If that were all, for us there would be +no arrears of mortified sensibilities to apprehend. But what is ominous even +in relation to ourselves from these professedly inert associates, these +sleeping partners in our Chinese dealings, is, that their presence with no +active functions argues a faith lurking somewhere in the possibility of +<i>talking</i> the Chinese into reason. Such a chimera, still surviving the +multiform experience we have had, augurs ruin to the total enterprise. It is +not absolutely impossible that even Yeh, or any imbecile governor armed with +the same obstinacy and brutal arrogance, might, under the terrors of an +armament such as he will have to face, simulate a submission that was far +from his thoughts. We ourselves found in the year 1846, when in fidelity to +our engagements we gave back the important island of Chusan, which we had +retained for four years, in fact until all the instalments of the ransom +money had been paid, that a more negligent ear was turned to our complaints +and remonstrances. The vile mob of Canton, long kept and indulged as so many +trained bull-dogs, for the purpose of venting that insolence to Europeans +which the mandarins could no longer utter personally without coming into +collision with the treaty, became gradually unmanageable even by their +masters. In 1847 Lord Palmerston, then Foreign Secretary, was reduced to the +necessity of fulminating this passage against the executive government of +the murdering city—'You' (Lord Palmerston was addressing Sir John Davis, at +that time H. M. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span>Plenipotentiary in China) 'will inform the Chinese +authorities, in plain and distinct terms, that the British Government will +not tolerate that a Chinese mob shall with impunity maltreat British +subjects in China, whenever they get them into their power; and that if the +Chinese authorities will not punish and prevent such outrages, the British +Government will be obliged to take the matter into their own hands; and it +will not be <i>their</i> fault if, in such case, the innocent are involved in the +punishment sought to be inflicted on the guilty.'</p> + +<p>This commanding tone was worthy of Lord Palmerston, and in harmony with his +public acts in all cases where he has understood the ground which he +occupied. Unhappily he did <i>not</i> understand the case of Canton. The British +were admitted by each successive treaty, their right of entry was solemnly +acknowledged by the emperor. Satisfied with this, Lord Palmerston said, +'Enough: the principle is secured; the mere details, locally intelligible no +doubt, I do not pretend to understand. But all this will come in time. In +time you will be admitted into Canton. And for the present rest satisfied +with having your right admitted, if not as yet your persons.' Ay, but +unfortunately nothing short of plenary admission to British flesh and blood +ever will satisfy the organised ruffians of Canton, that they have not +achieved a triumph over the British; which triumph, as a point still open to +doubt amongst mischief-makers, they seek to strengthen by savage renewal as +often as they find a British subject unprotected by armed guardians within +their streets. In those streets murder walks undisguised. And the only +measure for grappling <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span>with it is summarily to introduce the British +resident, to prostrate all resistance, and to punish it by the gallows<a name="FNanchor_4_4" id="FNanchor_4_4"></a><a href="#Footnote_4_4" class="fnanchor">[4]</a> +where it proceeds to acts of murder. It is sad consideration for those, +either in England or China, who were nearly or indirectly connected with +Canton (amongst whom must be counted the British Government), that beyond a +doubt the murders of our countrymen, which occurred in that city, would have +been intercepted by such a mastery over the local ruffians as could not be +effected so long as the Treaty of Nanking was not carried into effect with +respect to free entrance and residence of British subjects. As things stood, +all that Sir J. Davis could do, in obedience to the directions from the Home +Government, was to order a combined naval and military attack upon all the +Chinese forts which belt the approaches to Canton. These were all captured; +and the immense number of eight hundred and twenty-seven heavy guns were in +a few hours made unserviceable, either by knocking off their trunnions, or +by spiking them, or in both ways. The Imperial Commissioner, Keying, +previously known so favourably to the English by his good sense and +discretion, had on this occasion thought it his best policy to ignore Lord +Palmerston's letter: a copy had been communicated to him; but he took not +the least notice of it. If this were intended for insolence, it was signally +punished within a few hours. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span>It happened that on our English list of +grievances there remained a shocking outrage offered to Colonel Chesney, a +distinguished officer of the engineers,<a name="FNanchor_5_5" id="FNanchor_5_5"></a><a href="#Footnote_5_5" class="fnanchor">[5]</a> and which to a certainty would +have terminated in his murder, but for the coming up at the critical moment +of a Chinese in high authority. The villains concerned in this outrage were +known, were arrested, and (according to an agreement with our +plenipotentiary) were to be punished in our presence. But in contempt of all +his engagements, and out of pure sycophantic concession to the Canton mob, +Keying notified that we the injured party were to be excluded. <i>In that case +no punishment at all would have been inflicted.</i> Luckily, our troops and our +shipping had not yet dispersed. Sir J. Davis, therefore, wrote to Keying, +openly taxing him with his breach of honour. 'I <i>was</i> going' [these were Sir +John's words] 'to Hong-Kong to-morrow; but since you behave with evasion and +bad faith, in not punishing the offenders in the presence of deputed +officers, I shall keep the troops at Canton, and proceed to-morrow in the +steamer to Foshan, where, if I meet with insult, I will burn the town.' +Foshan is a town in the neighbourhood of Canton, and happened to be the +scene of Colonel Chesney's ill usage. Now, upon this vigorous step, what +followed? Hear Sir John:—'Towards midnight a satisfactory reply was +received, and at five o'clock next morning three offenders were brought to +the guard-house—a mandarin of high rank being present on the part of the +Chinese, and deputed officers on<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span> the part of the British. The men were +bambooed in succession by the Chinese officers of justice;' and at the close +of the scene, the mandarin (upon a requisition from our side) explained to +the mob who crowded about the barriers <i>why</i> the men were punished, and +warned them that similar chastisement for similar offences awaited +themselves. In one point only the example made was unsatisfactory: the men +punished were not identified as the same who had assaulted Colonel Chesney. +They might be criminals awaiting punishment for some other offence. With so +shuffling a government as the Chinese, always moving through darkness, and +on the principles of a crooked policy, no perfect satisfaction must ever be +looked for. But still, what a bright contrast between this energy of men +acquainted with the Chinese character, and the foolish imbecility of our own +government in Downing Street, who are always attempting the plan of soothing +and propitiating by concession those ignoble Orientals, in whose eyes all +concession, great or small, through the whole scale of graduation, is +interpreted as a distinct confession of weakness. Thus did all our +governments: thus, above all others, did the East India Company for +generations deal with the Chinese; and the first act of ours that ever won +respect from China was Anson's broadsides, and the second was our refusal of +the <i>ko-tou</i>. Thus did our Indian Government, in the early stages of their +intercourse, deal with the Burmese. Thus did our government deal with the +Japanese—an exaggerated copy of the Chinese. What they wanted with Japan +was simply to do her a very kind and courteous service—namely, to return +safe and sound to their native land seven <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span>Japanese who had been driven by +hurricanes in continued succession into the Pacific, and had ultimately been +saved from death by British sailors. Our wise government at home were well +aware of the atrocious inhospitality practised systematically by these cruel +islanders; and what course did they take to propitiate them? Good sense +would have prescribed the course of arming the British vessel in so +conspicuous a fashion as to inspire the wholesome respect of fear. Instead +of which, our government actually drew the teeth of the particular vessel +selected, by carefully withdrawing each individual gun. The Japanese +cautiously sailed round her, ascertained her powerless condition, and +instantly proceeded to force her away by every mode of insult; nor were the +unfortunate Japanese <i>ever</i> restored to their country. Now, contrast with +this endless tissue of imbecilities, practised through many generations by +our blind and obstinate government (for such it really is in its modes of +dealing with Asiatics), the instantaneous success of 'sharp practice' and +resolute appeals to <i>fear</i> on the part of Sir John Davis. By midnight of the +same day on which the British remonstrance had been lodged an answer is +received; and this answer, in a perfect rapture of panic, concedes +everything demanded; and by sunrise the next morning the whole affair has +been finished. Two centuries, on our old East Indian system of negotiating +with China, would not have arrived at the same point. Later in the very same +year occurred another and more atrocious explosion of Canton ruffianism; and +the instantaneous retribution which followed to the leading criminals, +showed at once how great an advance <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span>had been made in winning respect for +ourselves, and in extorting our rights, by this energetic mode of action. On +Sunday, the 5th of December, six British subjects had gone out into the +country on a pleasure excursion, some of whom unhappily carried +pocket-pistols. They were attacked by a mob of the usual Canton character; +one Chinese was killed and one wounded by pistol-shots; but of the six +British, encompassed by a countless crowd, not one escaped: all six were +murdered, and then thrown into the river. Immediately, and before the +British had time to take any steps, the Chinese authorities were all in +motion. The resolute conduct of Sir John Davis had put an end to the Chinese +policy of shuffling, by making it no longer hopeful. It lost much more than +it gained. And accordingly it was agreed, after a few days' debate, that the +emperor's pleasure should not be taken, except upon the more doubtful cases. +Four, about whose guilt no doubts existed, were immediately beheaded; and +the others, after communicating with Peking, were punished in varying +degrees—one or two capitally.</p> + + +<p><br /></p> +<h4>CONDUCT OF THE WAR.</h4> + +<p>Such is the condition of that guilty town, nearest of all Chinese towns to +Hong-Kong, and indissolubly connected with ourselves. From this town it is +that the insults to our flag, and the attempts at poisoning, wholesale and +retail, have collectively emanated; and all under the original impulse of +Yeh. Surely, in speculating on the conduct of the war, either as probable or +as reasonable, the old oracular sentence of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span>Cato the Elder and of the Roman +senate (<i>Delenda est Carthago</i>) begins to murmur in our ears—not in this +stern form, but in some modification, better suited to a merciful religion +and to our western civilization. It is a great neglect on the part of +somebody, that we have no account of the baker's trial at Hong-Kong. He was +acquitted, it seems; but upon what ground? Some journals told us that he +represented Yeh as coercing him into this vile attempt, through his natural +affection for his family, alleged to be in Yeh's power at Canton. Such a +fact, if true, would furnish some doubtful palliation of the baker's crime, +and might have weight allowed in the sentence; but surely it would place a +most dangerous power in the hands of Chinese grandees, if, through the +leverage of families within their grasp, and by official connivance on our +part, they could reach and govern a set of agents in Hong-Kong. No sympathy +with our horror of secret murders by poison, under the shelter of household +opportunities, must be counted on from the emperor, for he has himself +largely encouraged, rewarded, and decorated these claims on his public +bounty. The more necessary that such nests of crime as Canton, and such +suggestors of crime as Yeh, should be thoroughly disarmed. This could be +done, as regards the city, by three changes:—First, by utterly destroying +the walls and gates; secondly, by admitting the British to the freest +access, and placing their residence in a special quarter, upon the securest +footing; thirdly, and as one chief means in that direction, by establishing +a police on an English plan, and to some extent English in its composition. +As to the cost, it is evident enough that the colonial <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span>head-quarters at +Hong-Kong must in future keep up a <i>permanent</i> military establishment; and +since any danger threatening this colony must be kindled and fed chiefly in +Canton, why not make this large city, sole focus as it is of all mischief to +us, and not a hundred miles distant from the little island, the main barrack +of the armed force?</p> + +<p>Upon this world's tariff of international connections, what is China in +relation to Great Britain? Free is she, or not—free to dissolve her +connection with us? Secondly, what is Great Britain, when commercially +appraised, in relation to China? Is she of great value or slight value to +China? First, then, concerning China, viewed in its connection with +ourselves, this vast (but perhaps not proportionably populous) country +offers by accident the same unique advantage for meeting a social <i>hiatus</i> +in our British system that is offered by certain southern regions in the +American United States for meeting another <i>hiatus</i> within the same British +system. Without tea, without cotton, Great Britain, no longer great, would +collapse into a very anomalous sort of second-rate power. Without cotton, +the main bulwark of our export commerce would depart. And without tea, our +daily life would, generally speaking, be as effectually-ruined as bees +without a Flora. In both of these cases it happens that the benefit which we +receive is <i>unique</i>; that is, not merely ranking foremost upon a scale of +similar benefits reaped from other lands—a largest contribution where +others might still be large—but standing alone, and in a solitude that we +have always reason to regard as alarming. So that, if Georgia, &c., withdrew +from Liverpool and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span>Manchester her myriads of cotton bales, palsied would be +our commercial supremacy; and, if childish China should refuse her tea (for +as to her silk, that is of secondary importance), we must all go supperless +to bed: seriously speaking, the social life of England would receive a +deadly wound. It is certainly a phenomenon without a parallel in the history +of social man—that a great nation, numbering twenty-five millions, after +making an allowance on account of those amongst the very poorest of the +Irish who do not use tea, should within one hundred years have found +themselves able so absolutely to revolutionise their diet, as to substitute +for the gross stimulation of ale and wine the most refined, elegant, and +intellectual mode of stimulation that human research has succeeded in +discovering.<a name="FNanchor_6_6" id="FNanchor_6_6"></a><a href="#Footnote_6_6" class="fnanchor">[6]</a> But the material basis of this stimulation unhappily we draw +from the soil of one sole nation—and that nation (are we ever allowed to +forget?) capricious and silly beyond all that human experience could else +have suggested as possible. In these circumstances, it was not to be +supposed that we should neglect any opening that offered for making +ourselves independent of a nation which at all times we had so much reason +to distrust as the Chinese. Might not the tea-plant be made to prosper in +some district of our Indian Empire? Forty years ago we began to put forth +organised botanical efforts for settling that question. Forty years ago, and +even earlier, according to my remembrance, Dr Roxburgh<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span>—in those days the +paramount authority upon oriental botany—threw some energy into this +experiment for creating our own nurseries of the tea-plant. But not until +our Burmese victories, some thirty years since, and our consequent treaties +had put the province of Assam into our power, was, I believe, any serious +progress made in this important effort. Mr Fortune has since applied the +benefits of his scientific knowledge, and the results of his own great +personal exertions in the tea districts of China, to the service of this +most important speculation; with what success, I am not able to report. +Meantime, it is natural to fear that the very possibility of doubts hanging +over the results in an experiment so vitally national, carries with it +desponding auguries as to the ultimate issue. Were the prospects in any +degree cheerful, it would be felt as a patriotic duty to report at short +intervals all solid symptoms of progress made in this enterprise; for it is +an enterprise aiming at a triumph far more than scientific—a triumph over a +secret purpose of the Chinese, full of anti-social malice and insolence +against Great Britain. Of late years, as often as we have accomplished a +victory over any insult to our national honour offered or meditated by the +Chinese, they have recurred to some old historical tradition (perhaps +fabulous, perhaps not), of an emperor, Tartar or Chinese, who, rather than +submit to terms of equitable reciprocity in commercial dealings with a +foreign nation, or to terms implying an original equality of the two +peoples, caused the whole establishments and machinery connected with the +particular traffic to be destroyed, and all its living agents to be banished +or beheaded. It is certain that, in the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span>contemplation of special +contingencies likely to occur between themselves and the British, the high +mandarins dallied at intervals with this ancient precedent, and forbore to +act upon it, partly under the salutary military panic which has for years +been gathering gloomily over their heads, but more imperatively, perhaps, +from absolute inability to dispense with the weekly proceeds from the +customs, so eminently dependent upon the British shipping. Money, mere +weight of dollars, the lovely lunar radiance of silver, this was the spell +that moonstruck their mercenary hearts, and kept them for ever see-sawing—</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">'Willing to wound, and yet afraid to strike.'</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>Now, upon this—a state of things suspected at times, or perhaps known, but +not so established as that it could have been afterwards pleaded in +evidence—a very grave question arose, but a question easily settled: had +the Chinese a right, under the law of nations, to act upon their malicious +caprice? No man, under any way of viewing the case, hesitated in replying, +'<i>No</i>.' China, it was argued, had possessed from the first a clear, +undoubted right to dismiss us with our business unaccomplished, <i>re +infectâ</i>, if that business were the establishment of a reciprocal traffic. +In the initial stage of the relations between the two powers, the field was +open to any possible movement in either party; but, according to the course +which might be severally pursued on either side, it was possible that one or +both should so act as, in the second stage of their dealings, wilfully to +forfeit this original liberty of action. Suppose, for instance, that <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span>China +peremptorily declined all commercial intercourse with Britain, undeniably, +it was said, she had the right to do so. But, if she once renounced this +right, no matter whether <i>ex</i>plicitly in words, or silently and <i>im</i>plicitly +in acts (as if, for example, she looked on tranquilly whilst Great Britain +erected elaborate buildings for the safe housing of goods)—in any such +case, China wilfully divested herself of all that original right to withdraw +from commercial intercourse. She might say <i>Go</i>, or she might say, <i>Come</i>; +but she could not first say, <i>Come</i>; and then, revoking this invitation, +capriciously say, <i>Go</i>.</p> + +<p>To this doctrine, thus limited, no man could reasonably demur. But to some +people it has seemed that the limitations themselves are the only unsound +part of the argument. It is denied that this original right of refusing a +commercial intercourse has any true foundation in the relations of things or +persons. Vainly, if any such natural right existed, would that broad basis +have been laid providentially for insuring intercourse among nations, which, +in fact, we find everywhere dispersed. Such a narrow and selfish +distribution of natural gifts, all to one man, or all to one place, has in a +first stage of human inter-relations been established, only that men might +be hurried forward into a second stage where this false sequestration might +be unlocked and dispersed. Concentrated masses, impropriations gathered into +a few hands, useless alike to the possessor and to the world, why is it +that, by primary arrangements of nature, they have been frozen into vast, +inert insulation? Only that the agencies of commerce may thus the more +loudly be invoked for thawing and setting them <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span>free to the world's use. +Whereas, by a diffusive scattering, all motives to large social intercourse +would have been neutralised.</p> + +<p>It seems clear that the practical liberation and distribution throughout the +world of all good gifts meant for the whole household of man, has been +confided to the secret sense of a <i>right</i> existing in man for claiming such +a distribution as part of his natural inheritance. Many articles of almost +inestimable value to man, in relation to his physical well-being (at any +rate bearing such a value when substitutional remedies were as yet unknown) +such as mercury, Jesuit's bark, through a long period the sole remedy for +intermitting fevers, opium, mineral waters, &c., were at one time <i>locally</i> +concentred. In such cases, it might often happen, that the medicinal relief +to an hospital, to an encampment, to a nation, might depend entirely upon +the right to <i>force</i> a commercial intercourse.</p> + +<p>Now, on the other hand, having thus noticed the question, what commercial +value has China irrevocably for England, next in the reverse +question—namely, what commercial value does England bear to China?—I would +wish to place this in a new light, by bringing it for the first time into +relation to the doctrine of rent. Multitudes in past days, when political +economy was a more favoured study, have spoken and written upon the modern +doctrine of rent, without apparently perceiving how immediately it bears +upon China, and how summarily it shatters an objection constantly made to +the value of our annual dealing with that country. First, let me sketch, in +the very briefest way, an outline of this modern <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span>doctrine. Two men, without +communication, and almost simultaneously, in the year 1815, discovered the +law of rent. Suddenly it struck them that all manufactured products of human +industry must necessarily obey one law; whilst the products of land obey +another and opposite law. Let us for a moment consider arable land as a +natural machine for manufacturing bread. Now, in all manufactures depending +upon machinery of human invention, the natural progress is from the worse +machines to the better. No man lays aside a glove-making machine for a +worse, but only for one that possesses the old powers at a less cost, or +possesses greater powers, let us suppose, at an equal cost. But, in the +natural progress of the bread-making machines, nature herself compels him to +pursue the opposite course: he travels from the best machines to the worse. +The best land is brought into cultivation first. As population expands, it +becomes necessary to take up a second quality of land; then a third quality; +and so on for ever. Left to the action of this one law, bread would be +constantly growing dearer through a long succession of centuries. Its +tendency lies in this direction even now; but this tendency is constantly +met, thwarted, and retarded, by a counter-tendency in the general practice +of agriculture, which is always slowly improving its own powers—that is, +obtaining the same result at a cost slowly decreasing. It follows as a +consequence, when closely pursued, that, whilst the products of pure human +skill and human machines are constantly, by tendency, growing cheaper, on +the other hand, by a counter-tendency, the products of natural machines (as +the land, mines, rivers, &c.) are <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span>constantly on the ascent. Another +consequence is, that the worst of these natural machines gives the price for +the whole; whereas, in a conflict between human machines, all the products +of the worse would be beaten out of the field by those of the better. It is +in dependency upon this law that all those innumerable proposals for +cultivating waste-lands, as in the Scottish Highlands, in the Irish bogs, +&c., are radically vicious; and, instead of creating plenty, would by their +very success impoverish us. For suppose these lands, which inevitably must +have been the lowest in the scale (or else why so long neglected?) to be +brought into tillage—what follows? Inevitably this: that their products +enter the market as the very lowest on the graduated tariff—<i>i. e.</i>, as +lower than any already cultured. And these it is—namely, the very lowest by +the supposition—that must give the price for the whole; so that <i>every</i> +number on the scale will rise at once to the level fixed by these lowest +soils, so ruinously (though benevolently) taken up into active and efficient +life. If you add 20,000 quarters of wheat to the amount already in the +market, you <i>seem</i> to have done a service; but, if these 20,000 have been +gained at an extra cost of half-a-crown on each quarter, and if these it is +that, being from the poorest machines, rule the price, then you have added +half-a-crown to every quarter previously in the market.</p> + +<p>Meantime, returning to China, it is important to draw attention upon this +point. A new demand for any product of land may happen to be not very large, +and thus may seem not much to affect the markets, or the interests of those +who produce it. But, since <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span>the rent doctrine has been developed, it has +become clear that a new demand may affect the producers in two separate +modes: first, in the ordinary known mode; secondly, by happening to call +into activity a lower quality of soil. A very moderate demand, nay, a very +small one, added to that previously existing, if it happens not to fall +within the powers of those numbers already in culture (as, suppose, 1, 2, 3, +4), must necessarily call out No. 5; and so on.</p> + +<p>Now, our case, as regards Chinese land in the tea districts, is far beyond +this. Not only has it been large enough to benefit the landholder +enormously, by calling out lower qualities of land, which process again has +stimulated the counteracting agencies in the more careful and scientific +culture of the plant; but also it has been in a positive sense enormous. It +might have been large relatively to the power of calling out lower qualities +of soil, and yet in itself have been small; but <i>our</i> demand, running up at +present to 100,000,000 pounds weight annually, is in all senses enormous. +The poorer class of Chinese tea-drinkers use the leaves three times +over—<i>i. e.</i>, as the basis of three separate tea-makings. Consequently, +even upon that single deduction, 60,000,000 of Chinese tea-drinkers count +only as 20,000,000 of ours. But I conclude, by repeating that the greatest +of the impressions made by ourselves in the China tea districts, has been +derived from this—that, whilst the native demand has probably been +stationary, ours, moving by continual starts forward, must have stimulated +the tea interest by continual descents upon inferior soils.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span></p> + +<p>There is no doubt that the Emperor and all his arrogant courtiers have +decupled their incomes from the British stimulation applied to inferior +soils, that but for us never would have been called into culture. Not a man +amongst them is aware of the advantages which he owes to England. But he +soon <i>would</i> be aware of them, if for five years this exotic demand were +withdrawn, and the tea-districts resigned to native patronage. Upon +reviewing what I have said, not the ignorant and unteachable Chinese only, +but some even amongst our own well-informed and reflecting people, will see +that they have prodigiously underrated the commercial value of England to +China; since, when an Englishman calls for a hundred tons of tea, he does +not (as is usually supposed) benefit the Chinese merchant only by giving him +the ordinary profit on a ton, repeated for a hundred times, but also +infallibly either calls into profitable activity lands lying altogether +fallow, or else, under the action of the rent laws, gives a new and +secondary value to land already under culture.</p> + +<p>Other and greater topics connected with this coming Chinese campaign +clamorously call for notice: especially these three:—</p> + +<p>First, the pretended literature and meagre civilisation of China—what they +are, and with what real effects such masquerading phantoms operate upon the +generation with which accidents of commerce have brought us connected.</p> + +<p>Secondly, what is the true mode of facing that warfare of kidnapping, +garotting, and poisoning, avowed as legitimate subjects of patronage in the +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span>practice and in the edicts of the Tartar Government? Two things may be said +with painful certainty upon this subject: first, the British Government has +signally neglected its duties in this field through a period of about ninety +years, and apparently is not aware of any responsibility attaching in such a +case to those who wield the functions of supreme power. Hyder Ali, the +tiger, and his more ferocious son Tippoo, practised, in the face of all +India, the atrocities of Virgil's Mezentius upon their British captives. +These men filled the stage of martial history, through nearly forty years of +the eighteenth century, with the tortures of the most gallant soldiers on +earth, and were never questioned or threatened upon the subject. In this +nineteenth century, again, we have seen a Spanish queen and her uncle +sharing between them the infamy of putting to death (unjudged and unaccused) +British soldiers on the idlest of pretences. Was it then in the power of the +British Government to have made a vigorous and effectual intercession? It +was; and in various ways they have the same power over the Chinese sovereign +(still more over his agents) at present. The other thing which occurs to say +is this: that, if we do <i>not</i> interfere, some morning we shall probably all +be convulsed with unavailing wrath at a repetition of Mr Stead's tragic end, +on a larger scale, and exemplified in persons of more distinguished +position.</p> + +<p>Finally, it would have remained to notice the vast approaching revolution +for the total East that will be quickened by this war, and will be ratified +by the broad access to the Orient, soon to be laid open on <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span>one plan or +other. Then will Christendom first begin to <i>act</i> commensurately on the +East: Asia will begin to rise from her ancient prostration, and, without +exaggeration, the beginnings of a new earth and new heavens will dawn.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="SHAKSPERES_TEXT_SUETONIUS_UNRAVELLED" id="SHAKSPERES_TEXT_SUETONIUS_UNRAVELLED"></a>SHAKSPERE'S TEXT.—SUETONIUS UNRAVELLED.</h2> + + +<p class="center"><i>To the Editor of 'Titan'.</i></p> + +<p>Dear Sir,—A year or two ago,<a name="FNanchor_7_7" id="FNanchor_7_7"></a><a href="#Footnote_7_7" class="fnanchor">[7]</a> I received as a present from a +distinguished and literary family in Boston (United States), a small +pamphlet (twin sister of that published by Mr Payne Collier) on the text of +Shakspere. Somewhere in the United States, as here in England, some unknown +critic, at some unknown time, had, from some unknown source, collected and +recorded on the margin of one amongst the Folio reprints of Shakspere by +Heminge & Condell, such new readings as either his own sagacity had +summarily prompted, or calm reflection had recommended, or possibly local +tradition in some instances, and histrionic tradition in others, might have +preserved amongst the <i>habitués</i> of a particular theatre. In Mr P. Collier's +case, if I recollect rightly, it was the <i>First</i> Folio (<i>i. e.</i>, by much the +best); in this American case, I think it is the <i>Third</i> Folio (about the +worst) which had received the corrections. But, however this may be, there +are two literary <i>collaborateurs</i> concerned in each of these parallel +cases—namely, first, the original collector (possibly author) of the +various readings, who lived<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span> and died probably within the seventeenth +century; and, secondly, the modern editor, who stations himself as a +repeating frigate that he may report and pass onwards these marginal +variations to us of the nineteenth century.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Cor.</span> for <i>Corrector</i>, is the shorthand designation by which I have +distinguished the <i>first</i>; <span class="smcap">Rep.</span> for <i>Reporter</i> designates the other. My wish +and purpose is to extract all such variations of the text as seem to have +any claim to preservation, or even, to a momentary consideration. But in +justice to myself, and in apology for the hurried way in which the several +parts of this little memorandum are brought into any mimicry of order and +succession, I think it right to say that my documents are all dispersed into +alien and distant quarters; so that I am reduced into dependence upon my own +unassisted memory.</p> + +<p>[<span class="smcap">The Tempest.</span> <i>Act I. Scene 1.</i></p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 15em;">'Not a soul</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">But felt a fever of the mad, and play'd</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Some tricks of desperation.'</span><br /> +</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Cor.</span> here substitutes, 'But felt a fever of the <i>mind</i>:' which substitution +strikes me as entirely for the worse; 'a fever of the mad' is such a fever +as customarily attacks the delirious, and all who have lost the control of +their reasoning faculties.</p> + +<p>[<i>Ibid.</i></p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 12em;">'O dear father,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Make not too rash a trial of him; for</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">He's gentle, and not fearful.'</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>Upon this the <i>Reporter's</i> remark is, that 'If we take <i>fearful</i> in its +common acceptation of <i>timorous</i>, the proposed change renders the passage +clearer;' but that, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span>if we take the word <i>fearful</i> in its rarer +signification of <i>that which excites terror</i>, 'no alteration is needed.' +Certainly: none <i>is</i> needed; for the mistake (as <i>I</i> regard it) of <span class="smcap">Rep.</span> lies +simply in supposing the passive sense of <i>fearful</i>—namely, that which +<i>suffers</i> fear—to be the ordinary sense; which now, in the nineteenth +century, it is; but was <i>not</i> in the age of Shakspere.</p> + +<p>[<span class="smcap">Macbeth.</span> <i>Scene 7.</i></p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 14em;">'Thus even-handed justice</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;"><i>Commends</i> the ingredients of our poison'd chalice</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">To our own lips.'</span><br /> +</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Cor.</span> proposes, <i>Returns</i> the ingredients of, &c.; and, after the word +<i>returns</i> is placed a comma; which, however, I suppose to be a press +oversight, and no element in the correction. Meantime, I see no call for any +change whatever. The ordinary use of the word <i>commend</i>, in any advantageous +introduction of a stranger by letters, seems here to maintain +itself—namely, placing him in such a train towards winning favour as may +give a favourable bias to his opportunities. The opportunities are not left +to their own casual or neutral action, but are armed and pointed towards a +special result by the influence of the recommender. So, also, it is here +supposed that amongst several chalices, which might else all have an equal +power to conciliate notice, one specially—namely, that which contains the +poison—is armed by Providence with a power to bias the choice, and commend +itself to the poisoner's favour.</p> + +<p>[<i>Ibid.</i></p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 9em;">'His two chamberlains</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Will I with wine and wassail so <i>convince</i>.'</span><br /> +</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Cor.</span> is not happy at this point in his suggestion: <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span>tinkers are accused +(often calumniously, for tinkers have enemies as well as other people) of +insidiously enlarging holes, making simple into compound fractures, and +sometimes of planting two holes where they find one. But I have it on the +best authority—namely, the authority of three tinkers who were +unanimous—that, if sometimes there is a little treachery of this kind +amongst the profession, it is no more than would be pronounced 'in reason' +by all candid men. And certainly, said one of the three, you wouldn't look +for perfection in a tinker? Undoubtedly a seraphic tinker would be an +unreasonable postulate; though, perhaps, the man in all England that came +nearest to the seraphic character in one century <i>was</i> a tinker—namely, +John Bunyan. But, as my triad of tinkers urged, men of all professions <i>do</i> +cheat at uncertain times, <i>are</i> traitors in a small proportion, <i>must be</i> +perfidious, unless they make an odious hypocritical pretension to the +character of angels. That tinkers are not alone in their practice of +multiplying the blemishes on which their healing art is invoked, seems +broadly illustrated by the practice of verbal critics. Those who have +applied themselves to the ancient classics, are notorious for their corrupt +dealings in this way. And Coleridge founded an argument against the whole +body upon the confessedly dreadful failure of Bentley, prince of all the +order, when applied to a case where most of us could appreciate the +result—namely, to the <i>Paradise Lost</i>. If, said Coleridge, this Bentley +could err so extravagantly in a case of mother-English, what must we presume +him often to have done in Greek? Here we may see to this day that practice +carried to a ruinous extent, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span>which, when charged upon tinkers, I have seen +cause to restrict. In the present case from <i>Macbeth</i>, I fear that <span class="smcap">Cor.</span> is +slightly indulging in this tinkering practice. As I view the case, there +really is no hole to mend. The old meaning of the word <i>convince</i> is well +brought out in the celebrated couplet—</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">'He, that's convinc'd against his will,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Is of the same opinion still.</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>How can <i>that</i> be? I have often heard objectors say. Being convinced by his +opponent—<i>i. e.</i>, convinced that his opponent's view is the right one—how +can he retain his own original opinion, which by the supposition is in polar +opposition. But this argument rests on a false notion of the sense attached +originally to the word <i>convinced</i>. That word was used in the sense of +<i>refuted; redargued</i>, the alternative word, was felt to be pedantic. The +case supposed was that of a man who is reduced to an absurdity; he cannot +deny that, from his own view, an absurdity <i>seems</i> to follow; and, until he +has shown that this absurdity is only apparent, he is bound to hold himself +<i>provisionally</i> answered. Yet that does not reconcile him to his adversary's +opinion; he retains his own, and is satisfied that somewhere an answer to it +exists, if only he could discover it.</p> + +<p>Here the meaning is, 'I will convince his chamberlains with wine'—<i>i. e.</i>, +will refute by means of the confusion belonging to the tragedy itself, when +aided by intoxication, all the arguments (otherwise plausible) which they +might urge in self-defence.</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">['<i>Thrice</i> and once the hedge-pig whined:'—</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>This our friend <span class="smcap">Cor.</span> alters to <i>twice</i>; but for the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span>very reason which +should have checked him—namely, on Theobald's suggestion that '<i>odd</i> +numbers are used in enchantments and magical operations;' and here he +fancies himself to obtain an odd number by the arithmetical +summation—<i>twice</i> added to <i>once</i> makes thrice. Meantime the odd number is +already secured by viewing the <i>whines</i> separately, and not as a sum. The +hedge-pig whined thrice—that was an odd number. Again he whined, and this +time only once—this also was an odd number. Otherwise <span class="smcap">Cor.</span> is perfectly +right in his general doctrine, that</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">'Numero Deus <i>impare</i> gaudet.'</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>Nobody ever heard of <i>even</i> numbers in any case of divination. A dog, for +instance, howling under a sick person's window, is traditionally ominous of +evil—but not if he howls twice, or four times.</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">['I <i>pull</i> in resolution.'—<i>Act V. Scene 5.</i></span><br /> +</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Cor.</span> had very probably not seen Dr Johnson's edition of <i>Shakspere</i>, but in +common with the Doctor, under the simple coercion of good sense, he proposes +'I <i>pall</i>;' a restitution which is so self-attested, that it ought +fearlessly to be introduced into the text of all editions whatever, let them +be as superstitiously scrupulous as in all reason they ought to be.</p> + +<p>[<span class="smcap">Hamlet.</span> <i>Act II. Scene in the Speech of Polonius.</i></p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">'Good sir, or so, or friend, or gentleman,'</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>is altered by <span class="smcap">Cor.</span>, and in this case with an effect of solemn humour which +justifies itself, into</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">'Good sir, or sir, or friend, or gentleman;'</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>meaning good sir, or sir simply without the epithet <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span><i>good</i>, which implies +something of familiarity. Polonius, in his superstitious respect for ranks +and degrees, provides four forms of address applying to four separate cases: +such is the ponderous casuistry which the solemn courtier brings to bear +upon the most trivial of cases.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>At this point, all at once, we find our sheaf of arrows exhausted: trivial +as are the new resources offered for deciphering the hidden meanings of +Shakspere, their quality is even less a ground of complaint than their +limitation in quantity. In an able paper published by this journal, during +the autumn of 1855, upon the new readings offered by Mr Collier's work, I +find the writer expressing generally a satisfaction with the condition of +Shakspere's text. I feel sorry that I cannot agree with him. To me the text, +though improved, and gradually moving round to a higher and more hopeful +state of promise, is yet far indeed from the settled state which is +desirable. I wish, therefore, as bearing upon all such hopes and prospects, +to mention a singular and interesting case of sudden conquest over a +difficulty that once had seemed insuperable. For a period of three centuries +there had existed an enigma, dark and insoluble as that of the Sphinx, in +the text of Suetonius. Isaac Casaubon had vainly besieged it; then, in a +mood of revolting arrogance, Joseph Scaliger; Ernesti; Gronovius; many +others; and all without a gleam of success.</p> + +<p>The passage in Suetonius which so excruciatingly (but so unprofitably) has +tormented the wits of such scholars as have sat in judgment upon it through +a period of three hundred and fifty years, arises in the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span>tenth section of +his Domitian. That prince, it seems, had displayed in his outset +considerable promise of moral excellence: in particular, neither rapacity +nor cruelty was apparently any feature in his character. Both qualities, +however, found a pretty early development in his advancing career, but +cruelty the earliest. By way of illustration, Suetonius rehearses a list of +distinguished men, clothed with senatorian or even consular rank, whom he +had put to death upon allegations the most frivolous: amongst them Aelius +Lamia, a nobleman whose wife he had torn from him by open and insulting +violence. It may be as well to cite the exact words of Suetonius: 'Aelium +Lamiam (interemit) ob suspiciosos quidem, verum et veteres et innoxios +jocos; quòd post abductam uxorem laudanti vocem suam—dixerat, <i>Heu taceo</i>; +quòdque Tito hortanti se ad alterum matrimonium, responderat μη και συ γαμησαι θελεις;'—that is, Aelius Lamia he put to death on account of +certain jests; jests liable to some jealousy, but, on the other hand, of old +standing, and that had in fact proved harmless as regarded practical +consequences—namely, that to one who praised his voice as a singer he had +replied, <i>Heu taceo</i>; and that on another occasion, in reply to the Emperor +Titus, when urging him to a second marriage, he had said, 'What now, I +suppose <i>you</i> are looking out for a wife?'</p> + +<p>The latter jest is intelligible enough, stinging, and witty. As if the young +men of the Flavian family could fancy no wives but such as they had won by +violence from other men, he affects in a bitter sarcasm to take for granted +that Titus, as the first step towards marrying, counselled his friends to +marry as the natural means for creating a fund of eligible wives. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span>The +primal qualification of any lady as a consort being, in <i>their</i> eyes, that +she had been torn away violently from a friend, it became evident that the +preliminary step towards a Flavian wedding was, to persuade some incautious +friend into marrying, and thus putting himself into a capacity of being +robbed. How many ladies that it was infamous for this family to appropriate +as wives, so many ladies that in their estimate were eligible in that +character. Such, at least in the stinging jest of Lamia, was the Flavian +rule of conduct. And his friend Titus, therefore, simply as the brother of +Domitian, simply as a Flavian, he affected to regard as indirectly providing +a wife, when he urged his friend by marrying to enrol himself as a +<i>pillagee</i> elect.</p> + +<p>The latter jest, therefore, when once apprehended, speaks broadly and +bitingly for itself. But the other—what can it possibly mean? For centuries +has that question been reiterated; and hitherto without advancing by one +step nearer to solution. Isaac Casaubon, who about 230 years since was the +leading oracle in this field of literature, writing an elaborate and +continuous commentary upon Suetonius, found himself unable to suggest any +real aids for dispersing the thick darkness overhanging the passage. What he +says is this:—'Parum satisfaciunt mihi interpretes in explicatione hujus +Lamiæ dicti. Nam quod putant <i>Heu taceo</i> suspirium esse ejus—indicem +doloris ob abductam uxorem magni sed latentis, nobis non ita videtur; sed +notatam potius fuisse tyrannidem principis, qui omnia in suo genere pulchra +et excellentia possessoribus eriperet, unde necessitas incumbebat sua bona +dissimulandi celandique.' Not at all satisfactory <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span>to me are the +commentators in the explanation of the <i>dictum</i> (which is here equivalent to +<i>dicterium</i>) of Lamia. For, whereas they imagine <i>Heu taceo</i> to be a sigh of +his—the record and indication of a sorrow, great though concealed, on +behalf of the wife that had been violently torn away from him—me, I +confess, that the case does not strike in that light; but rather that a +satiric blow was aimed at the despotism of the sovereign prince, who tore +away from their possessors all objects whatsoever marked by beauty or +distinguished merit in their own peculiar class: whence arose a pressure of +necessity for dissembling and hiding their own advantages. '<i>Sic esse +exponendum</i>,' that such is the true interpretation (continues Casaubon), +'<i>docent illa verba</i> [<span class="smcap">LAUDANTI VOCEM SUAM</span>],' (we are instructed by those +words), [to one who praised his singing voice, &c.].</p> + +<p>This commentary was obscure enough, and did no honour to the native good +sense of Isaac Casaubon, usually so conspicuous. For, whilst proclaiming a +settlement, in reality it settled nothing. Naturally, it made but a feeble +impression upon the scholars of the day; and not long after the publication +of the book, Casaubon received from Joseph Scaliger a friendly but +gasconading letter, in which that great scholar brought forward a new +reading—namely, +ευτακτω, to which he assigned a profound technical +value as a musical term. No person even affected to understand Scaliger. +Casaubon himself, while treating so celebrated a man with kind and +considerate deference, yet frankly owned that, in all his vast reading, he +had never met with this strange Greek word. But, without entering into any +dispute upon that verbal <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span>question, and conceding to Scaliger the word and +his own interpretation of the word, no man could understand in what way this +new resource was meant to affect the ultimate question at issue—namely, the +extrication of the passage from that thick darkness which overshadowed it.</p> + +<p>'<i>As you were</i>' (to speak in the phraseology of military drill), was in +effect the word of command. All things reverted to their original condition. +And two centuries of darkness again enveloped this famous perplexity of +Roman literature. The darkness had for a few moments seemed to be unsettling +itself in preparation for flight: but immediately it rolled back again; and +through seven generations of men this darkness was heavier, because less +hopeful than before.</p> + +<p>Now then, I believe, all things are ready for the explosion of the +catastrophe; 'which catastrophe,' I hear some malicious reader whispering, +'is doubtless destined to glorify himself' (meaning the unworthy writer of +this little paper). I cannot deny it. A truth <i>is</i> a truth. And, since no +medal, nor riband, nor cross, of any known order, is disposable for the most +brilliant successes in dealing with desperate (or what may be called +<i>condemned</i>) passages in Pagan literature, mere sloughs of despond that yawn +across the pages of many a heathen dog, poet and orator, that I could +mention, the more reasonable it is that a large allowance should be served +out of boasting and self-glorification to all those whose merits upon this +field national governments have neglected to proclaim. The Scaligers, both +father and son, I believe, acted upon this doctrine; and drew largely by +anticipation upon that reversionary bank which they conceived to be +answerable <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span>for such drafts. Joseph Scaliger, it strikes me, was drunk when +he wrote his letter on the present occasion, and in that way failed to see +(what Casaubon saw clearly enough) that he had commenced shouting before he +was out of the wood. For my own part, if I go so far as to say that the +result promises, in the Frenchman's phrase, to 'cover me with glory,' I beg +the reader to remember that the idea of 'covering' is of most variable +extent: the glory may envelope one in a voluminous robe—a princely mantle +that may require a long suite of train-bearers, or may pinch and vice one's +arms into that succinct garment (now superannuated) which some eighty years +ago drew its name from the distinguished Whig family in England of Spencer. +Anticipating, therefore, that I <i>shall</i>—nay, insisting, and mutinously, if +needful, that I <i>will</i>—be covered with glory by the approaching result, I +do not contemplate anything beyond that truncated tunic, once known as a +'spencer,' and which is understood to cover only the shoulders and the +chest.</p> + +<p>Now, then, all being ready, and the arena being cleared of competitors (for +I suppose it is fully understood that everybody but myself has retired from +the contest), thrice, in fact, has the trumpet sounded, 'Do you give it up?' +Some preparations there are to be made in all cases of contest. Meantime, +let it be clearly understood what it is that the contest turns upon. +Supposing that one had been called, like Œdipus of old, to a turn-up with +that venerable girl the Sphinx, most essential it would have been that the +clerk of the course (or however you designate the judge, the umpire, &c.) +should have read the riddle propounded to Greece: how else judge of the +solution? <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span>At present the elements of the case to be decided stand thus:—</p> + +<p>A Roman noble, a man, in fact, of senatorial rank, has been robbed, robbed +with violence, and with cruel scorn, of a lovely young wife, to whom he was +most tenderly attached. But by whom? the indignant reader demands. By a +younger son<a name="FNanchor_8_8" id="FNanchor_8_8"></a><a href="#Footnote_8_8" class="fnanchor">[8]</a> of the Roman emperor Vespasian.</p> + +<p>For some years the wrong has been borne in silence: the sufferer knew +himself to be powerless as against such an oppressor; and that to show +symptoms of impotent hatred was but to call down thunderbolts upon his own +head. Generally, therefore, prudence had guided him. <i>Patience</i> had been the +word; <i>silence</i>, and below all the deep, deep word—<i>wait</i>; and if by +accident he were a Christian, not only that same word <i>wait</i> would have been +heard, but this beside, look under the altars for others that also wait. But +poor suffering patience, sense of indignity that is hopeless, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span>must (in +order to endure) have saintly resources. Infinite might be the endurance, if +sustained only by a finite hope. But the black despairing darkness that +revealed a tossing sea self-tormented and fighting with chaos, showing +neither torch that glimmered in the foreground, nor star that kept alive a +promise in the distance, violently refused to be comforted. It is beside an +awful aggravation of such afflictions, that the lady herself might have +co-operated in the later stages of the tragedy with the purposes of the +imperial ruffian. Lamia had been suffered to live, because as a living man +he yielded up into the hands of his tormentor his whole capacity of +suffering; no part of it escaped the hellish range of his enemy's eye. But +this advantage for the torturer had also its weak and doubtful side. Use and +monotony might secretly be wearing away the edge of the organs on and +through which the corrosion of the inner heart proceeded. On the whole, +therefore, putting together the facts of the case, it seems to have been +resolved that he should die. But previously that he should drink off a final +cup of anguish, the bitterest that had yet been offered. The lady herself, +again—that wife so known historically, so notorious, yet so total a +stranger to man and his generations—had she also suffered in sympathy with +her martyred husband? That must have been known to a certainty in the outset +of the case, by him that knew too profoundly on what terms of love they had +lived. But at length, seeking for crowning torments, it may have been that +the dreadful Cæsar might have found the 'raw' in his poor victim, that +offered its fellowship in exalting the furnace of misery. The lady +herself—may we not suppose her at the last to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span>have given way before the +strengthening storm. Possibly to resist indefinitely might have menaced +herself with ruin, whilst offering no benefit to her husband. And, again, +though killing to the natural interests which accompany such a case, might +not the lady herself be worn out, if no otherwise, by the killing nature of +the contest? There is besides this dreadful fact, placed ten thousand times +on record, that the very goodness of the human heart in such a case +ministers fuel to the moral degradation of a female combatant. Any woman, +and exactly in proportion to the moral sensibility of her nature, finds it +painful to live in the same house with a man not odiously repulsive in +manners or in person on terms of eternal hostility. In a community so nobly +released as was Rome from all base Oriental bondage of women, this +followed—that compliances of a nature oftentimes to belie the native +nobility of woman become painfully liable to misinterpretation. Possibly +under the blinding delusion of secret promises, unknown, nay, inaccessible, +to those outside (all contemporaries being as ridiculously impotent to +penetrate within the curtain as all posterity), the wife of Lamia, once so +pure, may have been over-persuaded to make such <i>public</i> manifestations of +affection for Domitian as had hitherto, upon one motive or another, been +loftily withheld. Things, that to a lover carry along with them irreversible +ruin, carry with them final desolation of heart, are to the vast current of +ordinary men, who regard society exclusively from a political centre, less +than nothing. Do they deny the existence of other and nobler agencies in +human affairs? Not at all. Readily they confess these agencies: but, as +movements obeying <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span>laws not known, or imperfectly known to <i>them</i>, these +they ignore. What it was circumstantially that passed, long since has been +overtaken and swallowed up by the vast oblivions of time. This only +survives—namely, that what he said gave signal offence in the highest +quarter, and that his death followed. But what was it that he <i>did</i> say? +That is precisely the question, and the whole question which we have to +answer. At present we know, and we do <i>not</i> know, what it was that he said. +We have bequeathed to us by history two words—involving eight +letters—which in their present form, with submission to certain grandees of +classic literature, mean exactly nothing. These two words must be regarded +as the raw material upon which we have to work: and out of these we are +required to turn out a rational saying for Aelius Lamia, under the following +five conditions:—First, it must allude to his wife, as one that is lost to +him irrecoverably; secondly, it must glance at a gloomy tyrant who bars him +from rejoining her; thirdly, it must reply to the compliment which had been +paid to the sweetness of his own voice; fourthly, it should in strictness +contain some allusion calculated not only to irritate, but even to alarm or +threaten his jealous and vigilant enemy; fifthly, doing all these things, it +ought also to absorb, as its own main elements, the eight letters contained +in the present senseless words—'<i>Heu taceo.</i>'</p> + +<p>Here is a monstrous quantity of work to throw upon any two words in any +possible language. Even Shakspere's clown,<a name="FNanchor_9_9" id="FNanchor_9_9"></a><a href="#Footnote_9_9" class="fnanchor">[9]</a> when challenged to furnish a +catholic answer applicable to all conceivable occasions, cannot <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span>do it in +less than nine letters—namely, <i>Oh lord, sir</i>. I, for my part, satisfied +that the existing form of <i>Heu taceo</i> was mere indictable and punishable +nonsense, but yet that this nonsense must enter as chief element into the +stinging sense of Lamia, gazed for I cannot tell how many weeks at these +impregnable letters, viewing them sometimes as a fortress that I was called +upon to escalade, sometimes as an anagram that I was called upon to +re-organise into the life which it had lost through some dislocation of +arrangement. Finally the result in which I landed, and which fulfilled all +the conditions laid down was this:—Let me premise, however, what <i>at any +rate</i> the existing darkness attests, that some disturbance of the text must +in some way have arisen; whether from the gnawing of a rat, or the spilling +of some obliterating fluid at this point of some critical or unique MS. It +is sufficient for us that the vital word has survived. I suppose, therefore, +that Lamia had replied to the friend who praised the sweetness of his voice, +'Sweet is it? Ah, would to Heaven it might prove Orpheutic.' Ominous in this +case would be the word Orpheutic to the ears of Domitian: for every +school-boy knows that this means a <i>wife-revoking voice</i>. But first let me +remark that there is such a legitimate word as <i>Orpheutaceam</i>: and in that +case the Latin repartee of Lamia would stand thus—<i>Suavem dixisti? Quam +vellem et Orpheutaceam</i>. But, perhaps, reader, you fail to recognise in this +form our old friend <i>Heu taceo</i>. But here he is to a certainty, in spite of +the rat: and in a different form of letters the compositor will show him, up +to you as—<i>vellem et Orp</i>. [HEU TACEAM]. Possibly, being in good humour, +you will be disposed <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span>to wink at the seemingly surreptitious AM, though +believing the real word to be <i>taceo</i>. Let me say, therefore, that one +reading, I believe, gives <i>taceam</i>. Here, then, shines out at once—(1) +Eurydice the lovely wife; (2) detained by the gloomy tyrant Pluto; (3) who, +however, is forced into surrendering her to her husband, whose voice (the +sweetest ever known) drew stocks and stones to follow him, and finally his +wife; (4) the word Orpheutic involves an alarming threat, showing that the +hope of recovering the lady still survived; (5) we have involved in the +restoration all the eight, or perhaps nine, letters of the erroneous form.</p> + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span></p> + +<h2><a name="HOW_TO_WRITE_ENGLISH10" id="HOW_TO_WRITE_ENGLISH10"></a>HOW TO WRITE ENGLISH.<a name="FNanchor_10_10" id="FNanchor_10_10"></a><a href="#Footnote_10_10" class="fnanchor"><small><small>[10]</small></small></a></h2> + + +<p>Among world-wide objects of speculation, objects rising to the dignity of a +mundane or cosmopolitish value, which challenge at this time more than ever +a growing intellectual interest, is the English language. Why particularly +at this time? Simply, because the interest in that language rests upon two +separate foundations: there are two separate principles concerned in its +pretensions; and by accident in part, but in part also through the silent +and inevitable march of human progress, there has been steadily gathering +for many years an interest of something like sceptical and hostile curiosity +about each of these principles, considered as problems open to variable +solutions, as problems already viewed from different national centres, and +as problems also that press forward to some solution or other with more and +more of a clamorous emphasis, in proportion as they tend to consequences no +longer merely speculative and scholastic, but which more and more reveal +features largely practical and political. The two principles upon which the +English language rests the burden of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span>its paramount interest, are +these:—first, its powers, the range of its endowments; secondly, its +apparent destiny. Some subtle judges in this field of criticism are of +opinion, and ever had that opinion, that amongst the modern languages which +originally had compass enough of strength and opulence in their structure, +or had received culture sufficient to qualify them plausibly for entering +the arena of such a competition, the English had certain peculiar and +inappreciable aptitudes for the highest offices of interpretation. +Twenty-five centuries ago, this beautiful little planet on which we live +might be said to have assembled and opened her first parliament for +representing the grandeur of the human intellect. That particular assembly, +I mean, for celebrating the Olympic Games about four centuries and a half +before the era of Christ, when Herodotus opened the gates of morning for the +undying career of history, by reading to the congregated children of Hellas, +to the whole representative family of civilisation, that loveliest of +earthly narratives, which, in nine musical cantos, unfolded the whole luxury +of human romance as at the bar of some austere historic Areopagus, and, +inversely again, which crowded the total abstract of human records, +sealed<a name="FNanchor_11_11" id="FNanchor_11_11"></a><a href="#Footnote_11_11" class="fnanchor">[11]</a> as with the seal of Delphi in the luxurious pavilions of human +romance.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span></p> + +<p>That most memorable of Panhellenic festivals it was, which first made known +to each other the two <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span>houses of Grecian blood that typified its ultimate +and polar capacities, the most and the least of ex<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span>orbitations, the utmost +that were possible from its equatorial centre; viz., on the one side, the +Asiatic Ionian, who spoke the sweet musical dialect of Homer, and, on the +other side, the austere Dorian, whom ten centuries could not teach that +human life brought with it any pleasure, or any business, or any holiness of +duty, other or loftier than that of war. If it were possible that, under the +amenities of a Grecian sky, too fierce a memento could whisper itself of +torrid zones, under the stern discipline of the Doric Spartan it was that +you looked for it; or, on the other hand, if the lute might, at intervals, +be heard or fancied warbling too effeminately for the martial European key +of the Grecian muses, amidst the sweet blandishments it was of Ionian groves +that you arrested the initial elements of such a relaxing modulation. +Twenty-five centuries ago, when Europe and Asia met for brotherly +participation in the noblest, perhaps,<a name="FNanchor_12_12" id="FNanchor_12_12"></a><a href="#Footnote_12_12" class="fnanchor">[12]</a> of all recorded solemnities, viz., +the inauguration of History in its very earliest and prelusive page, the +coronation (as with propriety we may call it) of the earliest (perhaps even +yet the greatest?) historic artist, what was the language employed as the +instrument of so great a federal act? It was that divine Grecian language to +which, on the model of the old differential compromise in favour of +Themistocles, all rival languages would cordially have conceded the second +honour. If now, which is not impossible, any occasion should arise for a +modern congress of the leading nations that represent civilisation, not +probably in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span> the Isthmus of Corinth, but on that of Darien, it would be a +matter of mere necessity, and so far hardly implying any expression of +homage, that the English language should take the station formerly accorded +to the Grecian. But I come back to the thesis which I announced, viz., to +the twofold <i>onus</i> which the English language is called upon to +sustain:—first, to the responsibility attached to its <i>powers</i>; secondly, +to the responsibility and weight of expectation attached to its destiny. To +the questions growing out of the first, I will presently return. But for the +moment, I will address myself to the nature of that <span class="smcap">Destiny</span>, which is often +assigned to the English language: what is it? and how far is it in a fair +way of fulfilling this destiny?</p> + +<p>As early as the middle of the last century, and by people with as little +enthusiasm as David Hume, it had become the subject of plain prudential +speculations, in forecasting the choice of a subject, or of the language in +which it should reasonably be treated, that the area of expectation for an +English writer was prodigiously expanding under the development of our +national grandeur, by whatever names of 'colonial' or 'national' it might be +varied or disguised. The issue of the American War, and the sudden expansion +of the American Union into a mighty nation on a scale corresponding to that +of the four great European potentates—Russia, Austria, England, and +France—was not in those days suspected. But the tendencies could not be +mistaken. And the same issue was fully anticipated, though undoubtedly +through the steps of a very much slower process. Whilst disputing about the +items on the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span>tess apettiele, the disputed facts were overtaking us, and +flying past us, on the most gigantic scale. All things were changing: and +the very terms of the problem were themselves changing, and putting on new +aspects, in the process and at the moment of enunciation. For instance, it +had been sufficiently seen that another Christendom, far more colossal than +the old Christendom of Europe, <i>might</i>, and undoubtedly <i>would</i>, form itself +rapidly in America. Against the tens of millions in Europe would rise up, +like the earth-born children of Deucalion and Pyrrha (or of the Theban +Cadmus and Hermione) American millions counted by hundreds. But from what +<i>radix</i>? Originally, it would have been regarded as madness to take Ireland, +in her Celtic element, as counting for anything. But of late—whether +rationally, however, I will inquire for a brief moment or so—the counters +have all changed in these estimates. The late Mr O'Connell was the parent of +these hyperbolical anticipations. To count his ridiculous 'monster-meetings' +by hundreds of thousands, and then at last by millions, cost nobody so much +as a blush; and considering the open laughter and merriment with which all +O'Connell estimates were accepted and looked at, I must think that the +<i>London Standard</i> was more deeply to blame than any other political party, +in giving currency and acceptation to the nursery exaggerations of Mr +O'Connell. Meantime those follies came to an end. Mr O'Connell died; all was +finished: and a new form of mendacity was transferred to America. There has +always existed in the United States one remarkable phenomenon of Irish +politics applied to the deception of both English, Americans, and Irish. +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span>All people who have given any attention to partisanship and American +politics, are aware of a rancorous malice burning sullenly amongst a small +knot of Irishmen, and applying itself chiefly to the feeding of an +interminable feud against England and all things English. This, as it +chiefly expresses itself in American journals, naturally passes for the +product of American violence; which in reality it is not. And hence it +happens, and for many years it <i>has</i> happened, that both Englishmen and +Americans are perplexed at intervals by a malice and an <i>acharnement</i> of +hatred to England, which reads very much like that atrocious and viperous +malignity imputed to the father of Hannibal against the Romans. It is +noticeable, both as keeping open a peculiar exasperation of Irish patriotism +absurdly directed against England; as doing a very serious injustice to +Americans, who are thus misrepresented as the organs of this violence, so +exclusively Irish; and, finally, as the origin of the monstrous delusion +which I now go on to mention. The pretence of late put forward is, that the +preponderant element in the American population is indeed derived from the +British Islands, but by a vast overbalance from Ireland, and from the Celtic +part of the Irish population. This monstrous delusion has recently received +an extravagant sanction from the London <i>Quarterly Review</i>. Half a dozen +other concurrent papers, in journals political and literary, hold the same +language. And the upshot of the whole is—that, whilst the whole English +element (including the earliest colonisation of the New England states at +the beginning of the seventeenth century, and including the whole stream of +British emigration <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span>since the French Revolution) is accredited for no more +than three and a half millions out of pretty nearly twenty millions of +<i>white</i> American citizens, on the other hand, against this English element, +is set up an Irish (meaning a purely Hiberno-<i>Celtic</i>) element, +amounting—oh, genius of blushing, whither hast thou fled?—to a total of +eight millions. Anglo-Saxon blood, it seems, is in a miserable minority in +the United States; whilst the German blood composes, we are told, a +respectable nation of five millions; and the Irish-Celtic young noblemen, +though somewhat at a loss for shoes, already count as high as eight +millions!</p> + +<p>Now, if there were any semblance of truth in all this, we should have very +good reason indeed to tremble for the future prospects of the English +language throughout the Union. Eight millions struggling with three and a +half should already have produced some effect on the very composition of +Congress. Meantime, against these audacious falsehoods I observe a +reasonable paper in the <i>Times</i> (August 23, 1852), rating the Celtic +contribution from Ireland—that is, exclusively of all the <i>Ulster</i> +contribution—at about two millions; which, however, I view as already an +exaggeration, considering the number that have always by preference resorted +to the Canadas. Two millions, whom poverty, levity, and utter want of all +social or political consideration, have reduced to ciphers the most +absolute—two millions, in the very lowest and most abject point of +political depression, cannot do much to disturb the weight of the English +language: which, accordingly, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span>on another occasion, I will proceed to +consider, with and without the aid of the learned Dr Gordon Latham, and +sometimes (if he will excuse me) in defiance of that gentleman, though far +enough from defiance in any hostile or unfriendly sense.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="THE_CASUISTRY_OF_DUELLING13" id="THE_CASUISTRY_OF_DUELLING13"></a>THE CASUISTRY OF DUELLING.<a name="FNanchor_13_13" id="FNanchor_13_13"></a><a href="#Footnote_13_13" class="fnanchor"><small><small>[13]</small></small></a></h2> + + +<p>This mention of Allan Cunningham recalls to my recollection an affair which +retains one part of its interest to this day, arising out of the very +important casuistical question which it involves. We Protestant nations are +in the habit of treating casuistry as a field of speculation, false and +baseless <i>per se</i>; nay, we regard it not so much in the light of a visionary +and idle speculation, as one positively erroneous in its principles, and +mischievous for its practical results. This is due in part to the +disproportionate importance which the Church of Rome has always attached to +casuistry; making, in fact, this supplementary section of ethics take +precedency of its elementary doctrines in their catholic simplicity: as +though the plain and broad highway of morality were scarcely ever the safe +road, but that every case of human conduct were to be treated as an +exception, and never as lying within the universal rule: and thus forcing +the simple, honest-minded Christian to travel upon a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span> tortuous by-road, in +which he could not advance a step in security without a spiritual guide at +his elbow: and, in fact, whenever the hair-splitting casuistry is brought, +with all its elaborate machinery, to bear upon the simplicities of household +life, and upon the daily intercourse of the world, there it has the effect +(and is expressly cherished by the Romish Church with a view to the effect) +of raising the spiritual pastor into a sort of importance which corresponds +to that of an attorney. The consulting casuist is, in fact, to all intents +and purposes, a moral attorney. For, as the plainest man, with the most +direct purposes, is yet reasonably afraid to trust himself to his own +guidance in any affair connected with questions of law; so also, when taught +to believe that an upright intention and good sense are equally insufficient +in morals, as they are in law, to keep him from stumbling or from missing +his road, he comes to regard a conscience-keeper as being no less +indispensable for his daily life and conversation, than his legal agent, or +his professional 'man of business,' for the safe management of his property, +and for his guidance amongst the innumerable niceties which beset the real +and inevitable intricacies of rights and duties, as they grow out of human +enactments and a complex condition of society. Fortunately for the happiness +of human nature and its dignity, those holier rights and duties which grow +out of laws heavenly and divine, written by the finger of God upon the heart +of every rational creature, are beset by no such intricacies, and require, +therefore, no such vicarious agency for their practical assertion. The +primal duties of life, like the primal charities, are placed high above +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span>us—legible to every eye, and shining like the stars, with a splendour that +is read in every clime, and translates itself into every language at once. +Such is the imagery of Wordsworth. But this is otherwise estimated in the +policy of papal Rome: and casuistry usurps a place in her spiritual economy, +to which our Protestant feelings demur. So far, however, the question +between us and Rome is a question of degrees. They push casuistry into a +general and unlimited application; we, if at all, into a very narrow one. +But another difference there is between us even more important; for it +regards no mere excess in the <i>quantity</i> of range allowed to casuistry, but +in the <i>quality</i> of its speculations: and which it is (more than any other +cause) that has degraded the office of casuistical learning amongst us. +Questions are raised, problems are entertained, by the Romish casuistry, +which too often offend against all purity and manliness of thinking. And +that objection occurs forcibly here, which Southey (either in <i>The Quarterly +Review</i> or in his <i>Life of Wesley</i>) has urged and expanded with regard to +the Romish and also the Methodist practice of <i>auricular confession</i>—viz., +that, as it <i>is</i> practically managed, not leaving the person engaged in this +act to confess according to the light of his own conscience, but at every +moment interfering, on the part of the confessor, to suggest <i>leading +questions</i> (as lawyers call them), and to throw the light of confession upon +parts of the experience which native modesty would leave in darkness,—so +managed, the practice of confession is undoubtedly the most demoralising +practice known to any Christian society. Innocent young persons, whose +thoughts <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span>would never have wandered out upon any impure images or +suggestions, have their ingenuity and their curiosity sent roving upon +unlawful quests: they are instructed to watch what else would pass +undetained in the mind, and would pass unblameably, on the Miltonic +principle: ('Evil into the mind of God or man may come unblamed,' &c.) Nay, +which is worst of all, unconscious or semi-conscious thoughts and feelings +or natural impulses, rising, like a breath of wind under some motion of +nature, and again dying away, because not made the subject of artificial +review and interpretation, are now brought powerfully under the focal light +of the consciousness: and whatsoever is once made the subject of +consciousness, can never again have the privilege of gay, careless +thoughtlessness—the privilege by which the mind, like the lamps of a +mail-coach, moving rapidly through the midnight woods, illuminate, for one +instant, the foliage or sleeping umbrage of the thickets; and, in the next +instant, have quitted them, to carry their radiance forward upon endless +successions of objects. This happy privilege is forfeited for ever, when the +pointed significancy of the confessor's questions, and the direct knowledge +which he plants in the mind, have awakened a guilty familiarity with every +form of impurity and unhallowed sensuality.</p> + +<p>Here, then, are objections sound and deep, to casuistry, as managed in the +Romish church. Every possible objection ever made to auricular confession +applies with equal strength to casuistry; and some objections, besides +these, are peculiar to itself. And yet, after all, these are but objections +to casuistry as treated by a particular church. Casuistry in +itself<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span>—casuistry as a possible, as a most useful, and a most interesting +speculation—remains unaffected by any one of these objections; for none +applies to the essence of the case, but only to its accidents, or separable +adjuncts. Neither is this any curious or subtle observation of little +practical value. The fact is as far otherwise as can be imagined—the defect +to which I am here pointing, is one of the most clamorous importance. Of +what value, let me ask, is Paley's Moral Philosophy? What is its imagined +use? Is it that in substance it reveals any new duties, or banishes as false +any old ones? No; but because the known and admitted duties—duties +recognised in <i>every</i> system of ethics—are here placed (successfully or +not) upon new foundations, or brought into relation with new principles not +previously perceived to be in any relation whatever. This, in fact, is the +very meaning of a theory<a name="FNanchor_14_14" id="FNanchor_14_14"></a><a href="#Footnote_14_14" class="fnanchor">[14]</a> or contemplation, [Θεωρια,] <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span>when A, B, +C, old and undisputed facts have their relations to each other developed. It +is not, therefore, for any practical benefit in action, so much as for the +satisfaction of the understanding, when reflecting on a man's own actions, +the wish to see what his conscience or his heart prompts reconciled to +general laws of thinking—this is the particular service performed by +Paley's Moral Philosophy. It does not so much profess to tell <i>what</i> you are +to do, as the <i>why</i> and the <i>wherefore</i>; and, in particular, to show how one +rule of action may be reconciled to some other rule of equal authority, but +which, apparently, is in hostility to the first. Such, then, is the utmost +and highest aim of the Paleyian or the Ciceronian ethics, as they exist. +Meantime, the grievous defect to which I have adverted above—a defect +equally found in all systems of morality, from the Nichomachéan ethics of +Aristotle downwards—is the want of a casuistry, by way of supplement to the +main system, and governed by the spirit of the very same laws, which the +writer has previously employed in the main body of his work. And the immense +superiority of this supplementary section, to the main body of the systems, +would appear in this, that the latter I have just been saying, aspires only +to guide the reflecting judgment in harmonising the different parts of his +own conduct, so as to bring them under the same law; whereas the casuistical +section, in the supplement, would seriously undertake to guide the conduct, +in many doubtful cases, of action—cases which are so <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span>regarded by all +thinking persons. Take, for example, the case which so often arises between +master and servant, and in so many varieties of form—a case which requires +you to decide between some violation of your conscience, on the one hand, as +to veracity, by saying something that is not strictly true, as well as by +evading (and that is often done) all answer to inquiries which you are +unable to meet satisfactorily—a violation of your conscience to this +extent, and in this way; or, on the other hand, a still more painful +violation of your conscience in consigning deliberately some young +woman—faulty, no doubt, and erring, but yet likely to derive a lesson from +her own errors, and the risk to which they have exposed her—consigning her, +I say, to ruin, by refusing her a character, and thus shutting the door upon +all the paths by which she might retrace her steps. This I state as one +amongst the many cases of conscience daily occurring in the common business +of the world. It would surprise any reader to find how many they are; in +fact, a very large volume might be easily collected of such cases as are of +ordinary occurrence. <i>Casuistry</i>, the very word <i>casuistry</i> expresses the +science which deals with such <i>cases</i>: for as a case, in the declension of a +noun, means a falling away, or a deflection from the upright nominative +(<i>rectus</i>), so a case in ethics implies some falling off, or deflection from +the high road of catholic morality. Now, of all such cases, one, perhaps the +most difficult to manage, the most intractable, whether for consistency of +thinking as to the theory of morals, or for consistency of action as to the +practice of morals, is the case of <span class="smcap">DUELLING</span>.</p> + +<p>As an introduction, I will state my story—the case <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span>for the casuist; and +then say one word on the reason of the case.</p> + +<p>First, let me report the case of a friend—a distinguished lawyer at the +English bar. I had the circumstances from himself, which lie in a very small +compass; and, as my friend is known, to a proverb almost, for his literal +accuracy in all statements of fact, there need be no fear of any mistake as +to the main points of the case. He was one day engaged in pleading before +the Commissioners of Bankruptcy; a court then, newly appointed, and +differently constituted, I believe, in some respects, from its present form. +That particular commissioner, as it happened, who presided at the moment +when the case occurred, had been recently appointed, and did not know the +faces of those who chiefly practised in the court. All things, indeed, +concurred to favour his mistake: for the case itself came on in a shape or +in a stage which was liable to misinterpretation, from the partial view +which it allowed of the facts, under the hurry of the procedure; and my +friend, also, unluckily, had neglected to assume his barrister's costume, so +that he passed, in the commissioner's appreciation, as an attorney. 'What if +he <i>had</i> been an attorney?' it may be said: 'was he, therefore, less +entitled to courtesy or justice?' Certainly not; nor is it my business to +apologise for the commissioner. But it may easily be imagined, and (making +allowances for the confusion of hurry and imperfect knowledge of the case) +it <i>does</i> offer something in palliation of the judge's rashness, that, +amongst a large heap of 'Old Bailey' attorneys, who notoriously attended +this court for the express purpose of whitewashing their <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span>clients, and who +were in bad odour as tricksters, he could hardly have been expected to make +a special exception in favour of one particular man, who had not protected +himself by the insignia of his order. His main error, however, lay in +misapprehending the case: misapprehension lent strength to the assumption +that my friend was an 'Old Bailey' (<i>i. e.</i>, a sharking) attorney; whilst, +on the other hand, that assumption lent strength to his misapprehension of +the case. Angry interruptions began: these, being retorted or resented with +just indignation, produced an irritation and ill temper, which, of +themselves, were quite sufficient to raise a cloud of perplexity over any +law process, and to obscure it for any understanding. The commissioner grew +warmer and warmer; and, at length, he had the presumption to say:—'Sir, you +are a disgrace to your profession.' When such sugar-plums, as Captain M'Turk +the peacemaker observes, were flying between them, there could be no room +for further parley. That same night the commissioner was waited on by a +friend of the barrister's, who cleared up his own misconceptions to the +disconcerted judge; placed him, even to his own judgment, thoroughly in the +wrong; and then most courteously troubled him for a reference to some +gentleman, who would arrange the terms of a meeting for the next day. The +commissioner was too just and grave a man to be satisfied with himself, on a +cool review of his own conduct. Here was a quarrel ripened into a mortal +feud, likely enough to terminate in wounds, or, possibly, in death to one of +the parties, which, on his side, carried with it no palliations from any +provocation <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span>received, or from wrong and insult, in any form, sustained: +these, in an aggravated shape, could be pleaded by my friend, but with no +opening for retaliatory pleas on the part of the magistrate. That name, +again, of magistrate, increased his offence and pointed its moral: he, a +conservator of the laws—he, a dispenser of equity, sitting even at the very +moment on the judgment seat—<i>he</i> to have commenced a brawl, nay to have +fastened a quarrel upon a man even then of some consideration and of high +promise; a quarrel which finally tended to this result—shoot or be shot. +That commissioner's situation and state of mind, for the succeeding night, +were certainly not enviable: like Southey's erring painter, who had yielded +to the temptation of the subtle fiend,</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">With repentance his only companion he lay;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And a dismal companion is she.</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>Meantime, my friend—what was <i>his</i> condition; and how did <i>he</i> pass the +interval? I have heard him feelingly describe the misery, the blank anguish +of this memorable night. Sometimes it happens that a man's conscience is +wounded; but this very wound is the means, perhaps, by which his feelings +are spared for the present: sometimes his feelings are lacerated; but this +very laceration makes the ransom for his conscience. Here, on the contrary, +his feelings and his happiness were dimmed by the very same cause which +offered pain and outrage to his conscience. He was, upon principle, a hater +of duelling. Under any circumstances, he would have condemned the man who +could, for a light cause, or almost for the weightiest, have so much as +<i>accepted</i> a challenge. Yet, here he was positively <i>offering</i> a challenge; +and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span>to whom? To a man whom he scarcely knew by sight; whom he had never +spoken to until this unfortunate afternoon; and towards whom (now that the +momentary excitement of anger had passed away) he felt no atom of passion or +resentment whatsoever. As a free 'unhoused' young man, therefore, had he +been such, without ties or obligations in life, he would have felt the +profoundest compunction at the anticipation of any serious injury inflicted +upon another man's hopes or happiness, or upon his own. But what was his +real situation? He was a married man, married to the woman of his choice +within a very few years: he was also a father, having one most promising +son, somewhere about three years old. His young wife and his son composed +his family; and both were dependent, in the most absolute sense, for all +they possessed or they expected—for all they had or ever could have—upon +his own exertions. Abandoned by him, losing him, they forfeited, in one +hour, every chance of comfort, respectability, or security from scorn and +humiliation. The mother, a woman of strong understanding and most excellent +judgment—good and upright herself—liable, therefore, to no habit of +suspicion, and constitutionally cheerful, went to bed with her young son, +thinking no evil. Midnight came, one, two o'clock; mother and child had long +been asleep; nor did either of them dream of that danger which even now was +yawning under their feet. The barrister had spent the hours from ten to two +in drawing up his will, and in writing such letters as might have the best +chance, in case of fatal issue to himself, for obtaining some aid to the +desolate condition of those two beings whom he would <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span>leave behind, +unprotected and without provision. Oftentimes he stole into the bedroom, and +gazed with anguish upon the innocent objects of his love; and, as his +conscience now told him, of his bitterest perfidy. 'Will you then leave us? +Are you really going to betray us? Will you deliberately consign us to +life-long poverty, and scorn, and grief?' These affecting apostrophes he +seemed, in the silence of the night, to hear almost with bodily ears. Silent +reproaches seemed written upon their sleeping features; and once, when his +wife suddenly awakened under the glare of the lamp which he carried, he felt +the strongest impulse to fly from the room; but he faltered, and stood +rooted to the spot. She looked at him smilingly, and asked why he was so +long in coming to bed. He pleaded an excuse, which she easily admitted, of +some law case to study against the morning, or some law paper to draw. She +was satisfied; and fell asleep again. He, however, fearing, above all +things, that he might miss the time for his appointment, resolutely abided +by his plan of not going to bed; for the meeting was to take place at Chalk +Farm, and by half-past five in the morning: that is, about one hour after +sunrise. One hour and a half before this time, in the gray dawn, just when +the silence of Nature and of mighty London was most absolute, he crept +stealthily, and like a guilty thing, to the bedside of his sleeping wife and +child; took, what he believed might be his final look of them: kissed them +softly; and, according to his own quotation from Coleridge's <i>Remorse</i>,</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">In agony that could not be remembered;</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>and a conflict with himself that defied all rehearsal, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span>he quitted his +peaceful cottage at Chelsea in order to seek for the friend who had +undertaken to act as his second. He had good reason, from what he had heard +on the night before, to believe his antagonist an excellent shot; and, +having no sort of expectation that any interruption could offer to the +regular progress of the duel, he, as the challenger, would have to stand the +first fire; at any rate, conceiving this to be the fair privilege of the +party challenged, he did not mean to avail himself of any proposal for +drawing lots upon the occasion, even if such a proposal should happen to be +made. Thus far the affair had travelled through the regular stages of +expectation and suspense; but the interest of the case as a story was marred +and brought to an abrupt conclusion by the conduct of the commissioner. He +was a man of known courage, but he also, was a man of conscientious +scruples; and, amongst other instances of courage, had the courage to own +himself in the wrong. He felt that his conduct hitherto had not been wise or +temperate, and that he would be sadly aggravating his original error by +persisting in aiming at a man's life, upon which life hung also the +happiness of others, merely because he had offered to that man a most +unwarranted insult. Feeling this, he thought fit, at first coming upon the +ground, to declare that, having learned, since the scene in court, the real +character of his antagonist, and the extent of his own mistake, he was +resolved to brave all appearances and ill-natured judgments, by making an +ample apology; which, accordingly, he did; and so the affair terminated. I +have thought it right, however, to report the circumstances, both because +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span>they were really true in every particular, but, much more, because they +place in strong relief one feature, which is often found in these cases, and +which is allowed far too little weight in distributing the blame between the +parties: to this I wish to solicit the reader's attention. During the hours +of this never-to-be-forgotten night of wretchedness and anxiety, my friend's +reflection was naturally forced upon the causes which had produced it. In +the world's judgment, he was aware that he himself, as the one charged with +the most weighty responsibility, (those who depended upon him being the most +entirely helpless,) would have to sustain by much the heaviest censure: and +yet what was the real proportion of blame between the parties? He, when +provoked and publicly insulted, had retorted angrily: that was almost +irresistible under the constitution of human feelings; the meekest of men +could scarcely do less. But surely the true <i>onus</i> of wrong and moral +responsibility for all which might follow, rested upon that party who, +giving way to mixed impulses of rash judgment and of morose temper, had +allowed himself to make a most unprovoked assault upon the character of one +whom he did not know; well aware that such words, uttered publicly by a +person in authority, must, by some course or other, be washed out and +cancelled; or, if not, that the party submitting to such defamatory insults, +would at once exile himself from the society and countenance of his +professional brethren. Now, then, in all justice, it should be so ordered +that the weight of public indignation might descend upon him, whoever he +might be, (and, of course, the more heavily, according to the authority of +his station and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span>his power of inflicting wrong,) who should thus wantonly +abuse his means of influence, to the dishonour or injury of an unoffending +party. We clothe a public officer with power, we arm him with influential +authority over public opinion; not that he may apply these authentic +sanctions to the backing of his own malice, and giving weight to his private +caprices: and, wherever such abuse takes place, then it should be so +contrived that some reaction in behalf of the injured person might receive a +sanction equally public. And, upon this point, I shall say a word or two +more, after first stating my own case; a case where the outrage was far more +insufferable, more deliberate, and more malicious; but, on the other hand, +in this respect less effectual for injury, that it carried with it no +sanction from any official station or repute in the unknown parties who +offered the wrong. The circumstances were these:—In 1824, I had come up to +London upon an errand in itself sufficiently vexatious—of fighting against +pecuniary embarrassments, by literary labours; but, as had always happened +hitherto, with very imperfect success, from the miserable thwartings I +incurred through the deranged state of the liver. My zeal was great, and my +application was unintermitting; but spirits radically vitiated, chiefly +through the direct mechanical depression caused by one important organ +deranged; and, secondly, by a reflex effect of depression through my own +thoughts, in estimating my prospects; together with the aggravation of my +case, by the inevitable exile from my own mountain home,—all this reduced +the value of my exertions in a deplorable way. It was rare indeed that I +could <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span>satisfy my own judgment, even tolerably, with the quality of any +literary article I produced; and my power to make sustained exertions, +drooped, in a way I could not control, every other hour of the day: +insomuch, that what with parts to be cancelled, and what with whole days of +torpor and pure defect of power to produce anything at all, very often it +turned out that all my labours were barely sufficient (some times not +sufficient) to meet the current expenses of my residence in London. Three +months' literary toil terminated, at times, in a result = 0; the whole +<i>plus</i> being just equal to the <i>minus</i>, created by two separate +establishments, and one of them in the most expensive city of the world. +Gloomy, indeed, was my state of mind at that period: for, though I made +prodigious efforts to recover my health, (sensible that all other efforts +depended for their result upon this elementary effort, which was the +<i>conditio sine qua non</i> for the rest), yet all availed me not; and a curse +seemed to settle upon whatever I then undertook. Such was my frame of mind +on reaching London: in fact it never varied. One canopy of murky clouds (a +copy of that dun atmosphere which settles so often upon London) brooded for +ever upon my spirits, which were in one uniformly low key of cheerless +despondency; and, on this particular morning, my depression had been deeper +than usual, from the effects of a long, continuous journey of 300 miles, and +of exhaustion from want of sleep. I had reached London, about six o'clock in +the morning, by one of the northern mails; and, resigning myself as usual in +such cases, to the chance destination of the coach, after delivering our +bags in Lombard Street, I was <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</a></span>driven down to a great city hotel. Here there +were hot baths; and, somewhat restored by this luxurious refreshment, about +eight o'clock I was seated at a breakfast table; upon which, in a few +minutes, as an appendage not less essential than the tea-service, one of the +waiters laid that morning's <i>Times</i>, just reeking from the press. The +<i>Times</i>, by the way, is notoriously the leading journal of Europe anywhere; +but, in London, and more peculiarly in the city quarter of London, it enjoys +a pre-eminence scarcely understood elsewhere. Here it is not <i>a</i> morning +paper, but <i>the</i> morning paper: no other is known, no other is cited as +authority in matters of fact. Strolling with my eye indolently over the vast +Babylonian confusion of the enormous columns, naturally as one of the <i>corps +littéraire</i>, I found my attention drawn to those regions of the paper which +announced forthcoming publications. Amongst them was a notice of a satirical +journal, very low priced, and already advanced to its third or fourth +number. My heart palpitated a little on seeing myself announced as the +principal theme for the malice of the current number. The reader must not +suppose that I was left in any doubt as to the quality of the notice with +which I had been honoured; and that, by possibility, I was solacing my +vanity with some anticipation of honeyed compliments. That, I can assure +him, was made altogether impossible, by the kind of language which +flourished in the very foreground of the <i>programme</i>, and even of the +running title. The exposure and <i>depluming</i> (to borrow a good word from the +fine old rhetorician, Fuller,) of the leading 'humbugs' of the age—<i>that</i> +was announced as the regular business of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</a></span>the journal: and the only question +which remained to be settled was, the more or less of the degree; and also +one other question, even more interesting still, viz.—whether personal +abuse were intermingled with literary. Happiness, as I have experienced in +other periods of my life, deep domestic happiness, makes a man comparatively +careless of ridicule, of sarcasm, or of abuse. But calamity—the +degradation, in the world's eye, of every man who is fighting with pecuniary +difficulties—exasperates beyond all that can be imagined, a man's +sensibility to insult. He is even apprehensive of insult—tremulously +fantastically apprehensive, where none is intended; and like Wordsworth's +shepherd, with his very understanding consciously abused and depraved by his +misfortunes is ready to say, at all hours—</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And every man I met or faced,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Methought he knew some ill of me.</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>Some notice, perhaps, the newspaper had taken of this new satirical journal, +or some extracts might have been made from it; at all events, I had +ascertained its character so well that, in this respect, I had nothing to +learn. It now remained to get the number which professed to be seasoned with +my particular case; and it may be supposed that I did not loiter over my +breakfast after this discovery. Something which I saw or suspected amongst +the significant hints of a paragraph or advertisement, made me fear that +there might possibly be insinuations or downright assertion in the libel +requiring instant public notice; and, therefore, on a motive of prudence, +had I even otherwise felt that indifference for slander which now I <i>do</i> +feel, but which, in those <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</a></span>years, morbid irritability of temperament forbade +me to affect, I should still have thought it right to look after the work; +which now I did: and, by nine o'clock in the morning—an hour at which few +people had seen me for years—I was on my road to Smithfield. Smithfield? +Yes; even so. All known and respectable publishers having declined any +connexion with the work, the writers had facetiously resorted to this +<i>aceldama</i>, or slaughtering quarter of London—to these vast shambles, as +typical, I suppose, of their own slaughtering spirit. On my road to +Smithfield, I could not but pause for one moment to reflect on the pure +defecated malice which must have prompted an attack upon myself. Retaliation +or retort it could not pretend to be. To most literary men, scattering their +written reviews, or their opinions, by word of mouth, to the right and the +left with all possible carelessness, it never can be matter of surprise, or +altogether of complaint, (unless as a question of degrees,) that angry +notices, or malicious notices, should be taken of themselves. Few, indeed, +of literary men can pretend to any absolute innocence from offence, and from +such even as may have seemed deliberate. But I, for my part, could. Knowing +the rapidity with which all remarks <i>of</i> literary men <i>upon</i> literary men +are apt to circulate, I had studiously and resolutely forborne to say +anything, whether of a writer or a book, unless where it happened that I +could say something that would be felt as complimentary. And as to written +reviews, so much did I dislike the assumption of judicial functions and +authority over the works of my own brother authors and contemporaries, that +I have, in my whole life, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</a></span>written only two; at that time only one; and that +one, though a review of an English novel, was substantially a review of a +German book, taking little notice, or none, of the English translator; for, +although he, a good German scholar now, was a very imperfect one at that +time, and was, therefore, every way open to criticism, I had evaded this +invidious office applied to a novice in literature, and (after pointing out +one or two slight blemishes of trivial importance) all that I said of a +general nature was a compliment to him upon the felicity of his verses. Upon +the German author I was, indeed, severe, but hardly as much as he deserved. +The other review was a tissue of merriment and fun; and though, it is true, +I <i>did</i> hear that the fair authoress was offended at one jest, I may safely +leave it for any reader to judge between us. She, or her brother, amongst +other Latin epigrams had one addressed to a young lady <i>upon the loss of her +keys</i>. This, the substance of the lines showed to have been the intention; +but (by a very venial error in one who was writing Latin from early +remembrance of it, and not in the character of a professing scholar) the +title was written <i>De clavis</i> instead of <i>De clavibus amissis</i>; upon which I +observed that the writer had selected a singular topic for condolence with a +young lady,—viz., '<i>on the loss of her cudgels</i>;' (<i>clavis</i>, as an +ablative, coming clearly from <i>clava</i>). This (but I can hardly believe it) +was said to have offended Miss H.; and, at all events, this was the extent +of my personalities. Many kind things I had said; much honour; much +admiration, I had professed at that period of my life in occasional papers +or private letters, towards many of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</a></span>my contemporaries, but never anything +censorious or harsh; and simply on a principle of courteous forbearance +which I have felt to be due towards those who are brothers of the same +liberal profession with one's self. I could not feel, when reviewing my +whole life, that in any one instance, by act, by word, or by intention, I +had offered any unkindness, far less any wrong or insult, towards a brother +author. I was at a loss, therefore, to decipher the impulse under which the +malignant libeller could have written, in making (as I suspected already) my +private history the subject of his calumnies. Jealousy, I have since +understood, jealousy, was the foundation of the whole. A little book of mine +had made its way into drawing-rooms where some book of his had not been +heard of. On reaching Smithfield, I found the publisher to be a medical +bookseller, and, to my surprise, having every appearance of being a grave, +respectable man; notwithstanding this undeniable fact, that the libellous +journal, to which he thought proper to affix his sanction, trespassed on +decency, not only by its slander, but, in some instances, by downright +obscenity; and, worse than that, by prurient solicitations to the libidinous +imagination, through blanks, seasonably interspersed. I said nothing to him +in the way of inquiry; for I easily guessed that the knot of writers who +were here clubbing their <i>virus</i>, had not so ill combined their plans as to +leave them open to detection by a question from any chance stranger. Having, +therefore, purchased a set of the journal, then amounting to three or four +numbers, I went out; and in the elegant promenades of Smithfield, I read the +lucubrations of my libeller. Fit academy <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</a></span>for such amenities of literature! +Fourteen years have gone by since then; and, possibly, the unknown hound who +yelled, on that occasion, among this kennel of curs, may, long since, have +buried himself and his malice in the grave. Suffice it here to say, that, +calm as I am now, and careless on recalling the remembrance of this brutal +libel, at that time I was convulsed with wrath. As respected myself, there +was a depth of malignity in the article which struck me as perfectly +mysterious. How could any man have made an enemy so profound, and not even +have suspected it? <i>That</i> puzzled me. For, with respect to the other objects +of attack, such as Sir Humphrey Davy, &c., it was clear that the malice was +assumed; that, at most, it was the gay impertinence of some man upon town, +armed with triple Irish brass from original defect of feeling, and willing +to raise an income by running amuck at any person just then occupying enough +of public interest to make the abuse saleable. But, in my case, the man flew +like a bull-dog at the throat, with a pertinacity and <i>acharnement</i> of +malice that would have caused me to laugh immoderately, had it not been for +one intolerable wound to my feelings. These mercenary libellers, whose +stiletto is in the market, and at any man's service for a fixed price, +callous and insensible as they are, yet retain enough of the principles +common to human nature, under every modification, to know where to plant +their wounds. Like savage hackney coachmen, they know where there is a +<i>raw</i>. And the instincts of human nature teach them that every man is +vulnerable through his female connexions. There lies his honour; there his +strength; there his <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</a></span>weakness. In their keeping is the heaven of his +happiness; in them and through them the earthy of its fragility. Many there +are who do not feel the <i>maternal</i> relation to be one in which any excessive +freight of honour or sensibility is embarked. Neither is the name of +<i>sister</i>, though tender in early years, and impressive to the fireside +sensibilities, universally and through life the same magical sound. A sister +is a creature whose very property and tendency (<i>qua</i> sister) is to alienate +herself, not to gather round your centre. But the names of <i>wife</i> and +<i>daughter</i> these are the supreme and starry charities of life: and he who, +under a mask, fighting in darkness, attacks you there, that coward has you +at disadvantage. I stood in those hideous shambles of Smithfield: upwards I +looked to the clouds, downwards to the earth, for vengeance. I trembled with +excessive wrath—such was my infirmity of feeling at that time, and in that +condition of health; and had I possessed forty thousand lives, all, and +every one individually, I would have sacrificed in vindication of her that +was thus cruelly libelled. Shall I give currency to his malice, shall I aid +and promote it by repeating it? No. And yet why not? Why should I scruple, +as if afraid to challenge his falsehoods?—why should I scruple to cite +them? He, this libeller, asserted—But faugh!</p> + +<p>This slander seemed to have been built upon some special knowledge of me; +for I had often spoken with horror of those who could marry persons in a +condition which obliged them to obedience—a case which had happened +repeatedly within my own knowledge; and I had spoken on this ground, that +the authority <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</a></span>of a master might be <i>supposed</i> to have been interposed, +whether it really were so or not in favour of his designs; and thus a +presumption, however false it might be, always remained that his wooing had +been, perhaps, not the wooing of perfect freedom, so essential to the +dignity of woman, and, therefore, essential to his own dignity; but that +perhaps, it had been favoured by circumstances, and by opportunities +created, if it had not even been favoured, by express exertions of +authority. The libeller, therefore, <i>did</i> seem to have some knowledge of my +peculiar opinions: yet, in other points, either from sincere ignorance or +from affectation, and by way of turning aside suspicion, he certainly +manifested a non-acquaintance with facts relating to me that must have been +familiar enough to all within my circle.</p> + +<p>Let me pursue the case to its last stage. The reader will say, perhaps, why +complain of a paltry journal that assuredly never made any noise; for I, the +reader, never heard of it till now. No, that is very possible; for the truth +is, and odd enough it seems, this malicious journal prospered so little, +that, positively, at the seventh No. it stopped. Laugh I did, and laugh I +could not help but do, at this picture of baffled malice: writers willing +and ready to fire with poisoned bullets, and yet perfectly unable to get an +effective aim, from sheer want of co-operation on the part of the public.</p> + +<p>However, the case as it respected me, went farther than it did with respect +to the public. Would it be believed that human malice, with respect to a man +not even known by sight to his assailants, as was clear from one part of +their personalities, finally<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</a></span>—that is to say, months afterwards—adopted +the following course:—The journal had sunk under public scorn and neglect; +neglect at first, but, perhaps, scorn at the last; for, when the writers +found that mere malice availed not to draw public attention, they adopted +the plan of baiting their hooks with obscenity; and they published a paper, +professing to be written by Lord Byron, called, '<i>My Wedding Night</i>;' and +very possible, from internal evidence, to have been really written by him; +and yet the combined forces of Byron and obscenity failed to save +them,—which is rather remarkable. Having sunk, one might suppose the +journal was at an end, for good and evil; and, especially, that all, who had +been molested by it, or held up to ridicule, might now calculate on rest. By +no means: First of all they made inquiries about the localities of my +residence, and the town nearest to my own family. Nothing was effected +unless they carried the insult, addressed to my family, into the knowledge +of that family and its circle. My cottage in Grasmere was just 280 miles +from London, and eighteen miles from any town whatsoever. The nearest was +Kendal; a place of perhaps 16,000 inhabitants; and the nearest therefore, at +which there were any newspapers printed. There were two: one denominated +<i>The Gazette</i>; the other <i>The Chronicle</i>. The first was Tory and +Conservative; had been so from its foundation; and was, besides, generous in +its treatment of private character. My own contributions to it I will +mention hereafter. <i>The Chronicle</i>, on the other hand, was a violent +reforming journal, and conducted in a partisan spirit. To this newspaper the +article was addressed; by this <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</a></span>newspaper it was published; and by this it +was carried into my own '<i>next-door</i>' neighbourhood. Next-door +neighbourhood? But that surely must be the very best direction these +libellers could give to their malice; for there, at least, the falsehood of +their malice must be notorious. Why, yes: and in that which <i>was</i> my +neighbourhood, according to the most literal interpretation of the term, a +greater favour could not have been done me, nor a more laughable humiliation +for my unprovoked enemies. Commentary or refutation there needed none; the +utter falsehood of the main allegations were so obvious to every man, woman, +and child, that, of necessity, it discredited even those parts which might, +for any thing known to my neighbours, have been true. Nay, it was the means +of procuring for me a generous expression of sympathy, that would else have +been wanting; for some gentlemen of the neighbourhood, who were but slightly +known to me, put the malignant journal into the fire at a public +reading-room. So far was well; but, on the other hand, in Kendal, a town +nearly twenty miles distant, of necessity I was but imperfectly known; and +though there was a pretty general expression of disgust at the character of +the publication, and the wanton malignity which it bore upon its front, +since, true or not true, no shadow of a reason was pleaded for thus bringing +forward statements expressly to injure me, or to make me unhappy; yet there +must have been many, in so large a place, who had too little interest in the +question, or too limited means of inquiry, for ever ascertaining the truth. +Consequently, in <i>their</i> minds, to this hour, my name, as one previously +known to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</a></span>them, and repeatedly before the town in connexion with political +or literary articles in their Conservative journal, must have suffered.</p> + +<p>But the main purpose, for which I have reported the circumstances of these +two cases, relates to the casuistry of duelling. Casuistry, as I have +already said, is the moral philosophy of <i>cases</i>—that is, of anomalous +combinations of circumstances—that, for any reason whatsoever, do not fall, +or do not seem to fall, under the general rules of morality. As a general +rule, it must, doubtless, be unlawful to attempt another man's life, or to +hazard your own. Very special circumstances must concur to make out any case +of exception; and even then it is evident, that one of the parties must +always be deeply in the wrong. But it <i>does</i> strike me, that the present +casuistry of society upon the question of duelling, is profoundly wrong, and +wrong by manifest injustice. Very little distinction is ever made, in +practice, by those who apply their judgments to such cases, between the man +who, upon principle, practises the most cautious self-restraint and +moderation in his daily demeanour, never under any circumstance offering an +insult, or any just occasion of quarrel, and resorting to duel only under +the most insufferable provocation, between this man, on the one side, and +the most wanton ruffian, on the other, who makes a common practice of +playing upon other men's feelings, whether in reliance upon superior bodily +strength, or upon the pacific disposition of conscientious men, and fathers +of families. Yet, surely, the difference between them goes the whole extent +of the interval between wrong and right. Even the question, 'Who gave the +challenge?' <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</a></span>which <i>is</i> sometimes put, often merges virtually in the +transcendant question, 'Who gave the provocation?' For it is important to +observe, in both the cases which I have reported, that the <i>onus</i> of +offering the challenge was thrown upon the unoffending party; and thus, in a +legal sense, that party is made to give the provocation who, in a moral +sense, received it. But surely, if even the law makes allowances for human +infirmity, when provoked beyond what it can endure,—we, in our brotherly +judgments upon each other, ought, <i>a fortiori</i>, to take into the equity of +our considerations the amount and quality of the offence. It will be +objected that the law, so far from allowing for, expressly refuses to allow +for, sudden sallies of anger or explosions of vindictive fury, unless in so +far as they are extempore, and before the reflecting judgment has had time +to recover itself. Any indication that the party had leisure for calm +review, or for a cool selection of means and contrivances in executing his +vindictive purposes, will be fatal to a claim of that nature. This is true; +but the nature of a printed libel is, continually to renew itself as an +insult. The subject of it reads this libel, perhaps, in solitude; and, by a +great exertion of self-command, resolves to bear it with fortitude and in +silence. Some days after, in a public room, he sees strangers reading it +also: he hears them scoffing and laughing loudly: in the midst of all this, +he sees himself pointed out to their notice by some one of the party who +happens to be acquainted with his person; and, possibly, if the libel take +that particular shape which excessive malice is most likely to select, he +will hear the name of some female relative, dearer, it may be <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</a></span>to him, and +more sacred in his ears, than all this world beside, bandied about with +scorn and mockery by those who have not the poor excuse of the original +libellers, but are, in fact, adopting the second-hand malignity of others. +Such cases, with respect to libels that are quickened into popularity by +interesting circumstances, or by a personal interest attached to any of the +parties, or by wit, or by extraordinary malice, or by scenical +circumstances, or by circumstances unusually ludicrous, are but too likely +to occur; and, with every fresh repetition, the keenness of the original +provocation is renewed, and in an accelerated ratio. Again, with reference +to my own case, or to any case resembling that, let it be granted that I was +immoderately and unreasonably transported by anger at the moment;—I thought +so myself, after a time, when the journal which published the libel sank +under the public neglect; but this was an after consideration; and, at the +moment, how heavy an aggravation was given to the stings of the malice, by +the deep dejection, from embarrassed circumstances and from disordered +health, which then possessed me; aggravations, perhaps, known to the +libellers as encouragements for proceeding at the time, and often enough +likely to exist in other men's cases. Now, in the case as it actually +occurred, it so happened that the malicious writers had, by the libel, +dishonoured themselves too deeply in the public opinion, to venture upon +coming forward, in their own persons, to avow their own work; but suppose +them to have done so (as, in fact, even in this case, they might have done, +had they not published their intention of driving a regular trade in libel +and in <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</a></span>slander); suppose them insolently to beard you in public haunts; to +cross your path continually when in company with the very female relative +upon whom they had done their best to point the finger of public scorn; and +suppose them further, by the whole artillery of contemptuous looks, words, +gestures, and unrepressed laughter, to republish, as it were, ratify, and +publicly to apply, personally, their own original libel, as often as chance +or as opportunity (eagerly improved) should throw you together in places of +general resort; and suppose, finally, that the central figure—nay, in their +account, the very butt throughout this entire drama of malice—should chance +to be an innocent, gentle-hearted, dejected, suffering woman, utterly +unknown to her persecutors, and selected as their martyr merely for her +relationship to yourself—suppose her, in short, to be your wife—a lovely +young woman sustained by womanly dignity, or else ready to sink into the +earth with shame, under the cruel and unmanly insults heaped upon her, and +having no protector upon earth but yourself: lay all this together, and then +say whether, in such a case, the most philosophic or the most Christian +patience might not excusably give way; whether flesh and blood could do +otherwise than give way, and seek redress for the past, but, at all events, +security for the future, in what, perhaps, might be the sole course open to +you—an appeal to arms. Let it not be said that the case here proposed, by +way of hypothesis, is an extreme one: for the very argument has contemplated +extreme cases: since, whilst conceding that duelling is an unlawful and +useless remedy for cases of ordinary wrong, where there is no malice to +resist <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</a></span>a more conciliatory mode of settlement, and where it is difficult to +imagine any deliberate insult except such as is palliated by +intoxication—conceding this, I have yet supposed it possible that cases may +arise, with circumstances of contumely and outrage, growing out of deep +inexorable malice, which cannot be redressed, <i>as things now are</i>, without +an appeal to the <i>voye de fait</i>. 'But this is so barbarous an expedient in +days of high civilisation.' Why, yes, it labours with the semi-barbarism of +chivalry: yet, on the other hand, this mention of chivalry reminds me to +say, that if this practice of duelling share the blame of chivalry, one +memorable praise there is, which also it may claim as common to them both. +It is a praise which I have often insisted on; and the very sublime of +prejudice I would challenge to deny it. Burke, in his well-known apology for +chivalry, thus expresses his sense of the immeasurable benefits which it +conferred upon society, as a supplementary code of law, reaching those cases +which the weakness of municipal law was then unavailing to meet, and at a +price so trivial in bloodshed or violence—he calls it 'the cheap defence of +nations.' Yes, undoubtedly; and surely the same praise belongs incontestably +to the law of duelling. For one duel <i>in esse</i>, there are ten thousand, +every day of our lives, amid populous cities, <i>in posse</i>: one challenge is +given, a myriad are feared: one life (and usually the most worthless, by any +actual good rendered to society) is sacrificed, suppose triennially, from a +nation; <i>every</i> life is endangered by certain modes of behaviour. Hence, +then, and at a cost inconceivably trifling, the peace of society is +maintained in cases which no law, no severity of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</a></span>police, ever could +effectually reach. Brutal strength would reign paramount in the walks of +public life; brutal intoxication would follow out its lawless impulses, were +it not for the fear which now is always in the rear—the fear of being +summoned to a strict summary account, liable to the most perilous +consequences. This is not open to denial: the actual basis upon which +reposes the security of us all, the peace of our wives and our daughters, +and our own immunity from the vilest degradations under their eyes, is the +necessity, known to every gentleman, of answering for his outrages in a way +which strips him of all unfair advantages, except one (which is not often +possessed), which places the weak upon a level with the strong, and the +quiet citizen upon a level with the military adventurer, or the ruffian of +the gambling-house. The fact, I say, cannot be denied; neither can the low +price be denied at which this vast result is obtained. And it is evident +that, on the principle of expediency, adopted as the basis of morality by +Paley, the justification of duelling is complete: for the greatest sum of +immediate happiness is produced at the least possible sacrifice.<a name="FNanchor_15_15" id="FNanchor_15_15"></a><a href="#Footnote_15_15" class="fnanchor">[15]</a> But<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[Pg 97]</a></span> +there are many men of high moral principle, and yet not professing to rest +upon Christianity, who reject this prudential basis of ethics as the death +of all morality. And these men hold, that the social recognition of any one +out of the three following dangerous and immoral principles, viz.—<i>1st</i>, +That a man may lawfully sport with his own life; <i>2dly</i>, That he may +lawfully sport with the life of another; <i>3dly</i>, That he may lawfully seek +his redress for a social wrong, by any other channel than the law tribunals +of the land: that the recognition of these, or any of them, by the +jurisprudence of a nation, is a mortal wound to the very key-stone upon +which the whole vast arch of morality reposes. Well, in candour, I must +admit that, by justifying, in courts of judicature, through the verdicts of +juries, that mode of personal redress and self-vindication, to heal and +prevent which was one of the original motives for gathering into social +communities, and setting up an empire of public law as paramount to all +private exercise of power, a fatal wound is given to the sanctity of moral +right, of the public conscience, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[Pg 98]</a></span> of law in its elementary field. So +much I admit; but I say also, that the case arises out of a great dilemma, +with difficulties on both sides; and that, in all <i>practical</i> applications +of philosophy, amongst materials so imperfect as men, just as in all +attempts to realize the rigour of mathematical laws amongst earthly +mechanics, inevitably there will arise such dilemmas and cases of opprobrium +to the reflecting intellect. However, in conclusion, I shall say four +things, which I request my opponent, whoever he may be, to consider; for +they are things which certainly ought to have weight; and some important +errors have arisen by neglecting them.</p> + +<p><i>First</i>, then, let him remember that it is the principle at stake—viz., the +recognition by a legal tribunal, as lawful or innocent of any attempt to +violate the laws, or to take the law into our own hands: this it is and the +mortal taint which is thus introduced into the public morality of a +Christian land, thus authentically introduced; thus sealed and countersigned +by judicial authority; the majesty of law actually interfering to justify, +with the solemnities of trial, a flagrant violation of law; this it is, this +only, and not the amount of injury sustained by society, which gives value +to the question. For, as to the injury, I have already remarked, that a very +trivial annual loss—one life, perhaps, upon ten millions, and that life +often as little practically valuable as any amongst us—that pays our fine +or ransom in that account. And, in reality, there is one popular error made +upon this subject, when the question is raised about the institution of some +<i>Court of Honour</i>, or <i>Court of Appeal in cases of injury to the feelings</i>, +under the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[Pg 99]</a></span>sanction of parliament, which satisfactorily demonstrates the +trivial amount of injury sustained: it is said on such occasions that <i>de +minimis non curat lex</i>—that the mischief, in fact, is too narrow and +limited for the regard of the legislature. And we may be assured that, if +the evil were ever to become an extensive one, the notice of Parliament soon +<i>would</i> be attracted to the subject; and hence we may derive a hint for an +amended view of the policy adopted in past ages. Princes not distinguished +for their religious scruples, made it, in different ages and places, a +capital offence to engage in a duel: whence it is inferred, falsely, that, +in former times, a more public homage was paid to Christian principle. But +the fact is, that not the anti-Christian character of the offence so much as +its greater frequency, and the consequent extension of a civil mischief was +the ruling consideration with the lawgiver. Among other causes for this +greater prevalence of duels, was the composition of armies, more often +brought together upon mercenary principles from a large variety of different +nations, whose peculiar usages, points of traditional honour, and even the +oddness of their several languages to the ear, formed a perpetual occasion +of insult and quarrel. Fluellen's affair with Pistol, we may be sure, was no +rare but a representative case.</p> + +<p><i>Secondly</i>, In confirmation of what I have said about duelling, as the great +conductor for carrying off the excess of angry irritation in society, I will +repeat what was said to me by a man of great ability and distinguished +powers, as well as opportunities for observation, in reference to a +provincial English <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[Pg 100]</a></span>town, and the cabals which prevailed there. These +cabals—some political, arising out of past electioneering contests; some +municipal, arising out of the corporation disputes; some personal, arising +out of family rivalships, or old traditionary disputes—had led to various +feuds that vexed the peace of the town in a degree very considerably beyond +the common experience of towns reaching the same magnitude. How was this +accounted for? The word <i>tradesman</i> is, more than even the term <i>middle +class</i>, liable to great ambiguity of meaning; for it includes a range so +large as to take in some who tread on the heels even of the highest +aristocracy, and some at the other end, who rank not at all higher than +day-labourers or handicraftsmen. Now, those who ranked with gentlemen, took +the ordinary course of gentlemen in righting themselves under personal +insults; and the result was, that, amongst <i>them</i> or <i>their</i> families, no +feuds were subsisting of ancient standing. No ill blood was nursed; no +calumnies or conspicuous want of charity prevailed. Not that they often +fought duels: on the contrary, a duel was a very rare event amongst the +indigenous gentry of the place; but it was sufficient to secure all the +effects of duelling, that it was known, with respect to this class, that, in +the last resort, they were ready to fight. Now, on the other hand, the +lowest order of tradesmen had <i>their</i> method of terminating quarrels—the +old English method of their fathers—viz., by pugilistic contests. And +<i>they</i> also cherished no malice against each other or amongst their +families. 'But,' said my informant, 'some of those who occupied the +intermediate stations in this hierarchy of trade, found themselves most +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[Pg 101]</a></span>awkwardly situated. So far they shared in the refinements of modern +society, that they disdained the coarse mode of settling quarrels by their +fists. On the other hand, there was a special and peculiar reason pressing +upon this class, which restrained them from aspiring to the more +aristocratic modes of fighting. They were sensible of a ridicule, which +everywhere attaches to many of the less elevated or liberal modes of +exercising trade in going out to fight with sword and pistol. This ridicule +was sharpened and made more effectual, in <i>their</i> case, from the +circumstance of the Royal Family and the court making this particular town a +frequent place of residence. Besides that apart from the ridicule, many of +them depended for a livelihood upon the patronage of royalty or of the +nobility, attached to their suite; and most of these patrons would have +resented their intrusion upon the privileged ground of the aristocracy in +conducting disputes of honour. What was the consequence? These persons, +having no natural outlet for their wounded sensibilities, being absolutely +debarred from <i>any</i> mode of settling their disputes, cherished +inextinguishable feuds: their quarrels in fact had no natural terminations; +and the result was, a spirit of malice and most unchristian want of charity, +which could not hope for any final repose, except in death.' Such was the +report of my observing friend: the particular town may be easily guessed at; +and I have little doubt that its condition continues as of old.</p> + +<p><i>Thirdly</i>, It is a very common allegation against duelling, that the ancient +Romans and Grecians never practised this mode of settling disputes; and the +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[Pg 102]</a></span>inference is, of course, unfavourable, not to Christianity, but to us as +inconsistent disciples of our own religion; and a second inference is, that +the principle of personal honour, well understood, cannot require this +satisfaction for its wounds. For the present I shall say nothing on the +former head, but not for want of something to say. With respect to the +latter, it is a profound mistake, founded on inacquaintance with the manners +and the spirit of manners prevalent amongst these imperfectly civilised +nations. Honour was a sense not developed in many of its modifications +amongst either Greeks or Romans. Cudgelling was at one time used as the +remedy in cases of outrageous libel and pasquinade. But it is a point very +little to the praise of either people, that no vindictive notice was taken +of any possible personalities, simply because the most hideous license had +been established for centuries in tongue license and unmanly Billingsgate. +This had been promoted by the example hourly ringing in their ears of +vernile scurrility. <i>Verna</i>—that is, the slave born in the family—had each +from the other one universal and proverbial character of foul-mouthed +eloquence, which heard from infancy, could not but furnish a model almost +unconsciously to those who had occasion publicly to practise vituperative +rhetoric. What they remembered of this vernile licentiousness, constituted +the staple of their talk in such situations. And the horrible illustrations +left even by the most accomplished and literary of the Roman orators, of +their shameless and womanly fluency in this dialect of unlicensed abuse, are +evidences, not to be resisted, of such obtuseness, such coarseness of +feeling, so utter a defect of all the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[Pg 103]</a></span>gentlemanly sensibilities, that no +man, alive to the real state of things amongst them, would ever think of +pleading their example in any other view than as an object of unmitigated +disgust. At all events, the long-established custom of deluging each other +in the Forum, or even in the Senate, with the foulest abuse, the precedent +traditionally delivered through centuries before the time of Cæsar and +Cicero, had so robbed it of its sting, that, as a subject for patient +endurance, or an occasion for self conquest in mastering the feelings, it +had no merit at all. Anger, prompting an appeal to the cudgel, there might +be, but sense of wounded honour, requiring a reparation by appeal to arms, +or a washing away by blood, no such feeling could have been subdued or +overcome by a Roman, for none such existed. The feelings of wounded honour +on such occasions, it will be allowed, are mere reflections (through +sympathetic agencies) of feelings and opinions already existing, and +generally dispersed through society. Now, in Roman society, the case was a +mere subject for laughter; for there were no feelings or opinions pointing +to honour, personal honour as a principle of action, nor, consequently, to +wounded honour as a subject of complaint. The Romans were not above +duelling, but simply not up to that level of civilisation.</p> + +<p><i>Finally</i>, with respect to the suggestion of a <i>Court of Honour</i>, much might +be said that my limits will not allow; but two suggestions I will make. +<i>First</i>, Recurring to a thing I have already said, I must repeat that no +justice would be shown unless (in a spirit very different from that which +usually prevails in society) the weight of public indignation and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[Pg 104]</a></span>the +displeasure of the court were made to settle conspicuously upon the +<span class="smcap">AGGRESSOR</span>; not upon the challenger, who is often the party suffering under +insufferable provocation (provocation which even the sternness of penal law +and the holiness of Christian faith allow for), but upon the author of the +original offence. <i>Secondly</i>, A much more searching investigation must be +made into the conduct of the <span class="smcap">SECONDS</span> than is usual in the unprofessional and +careless inquisitions of the public into such affairs. Often enough, the +seconds hold the fate of their principals entirely in their hands; and +instances are not a few, within even my limited knowledge, of cases where +murder has been really committed, not by the party who fired the fatal +bullet, but by him who (having it in his power to interfere without loss of +honour to any party) has cruelly thought fit—[and, in some instances, +apparently for no purpose but that of decorating himself with the name of an +energetic man, and of producing a public '<i>sensation</i>,' as it is called—a +sanguinary affair]—to goad on the tremulous sensibility of a mind +distracted between the sense of honour on the one hand, and the agonising +claims of a family on the other, into fatal extremities that might, by a +slight concession, have been avoided. I could mention several instances; +but, in some of these, I know the circumstances only by report. In one, +however, I had my information from parties who were personally connected +with the unhappy subject of the affair. The case was this:—A man of +distinguished merit, whom I shall not describe more particularly, because it +is no part of my purpose to recall old buried feuds, or to insinuate any +<i>personal</i> <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[Pg 105]</a></span>blame whatsoever (my business being not with this or that man, +but with a system and its principles); this man, by a step well-meant but +injudicious, and liable to a very obvious misinterpretation, as though taken +in a view of self-interest, had entangled himself in a quarrel. That quarrel +would have been settled amicably, or, if not amicably, at least without +bloodshed, had it not been for an unlucky accident combined with a very +unwise advice. One morning, after the main dispute had been pretty well +adjusted, he was standing at the fireside after breakfast, talking over the +affair so far as it had already travelled, when it suddenly and most +unhappily came into his head to put this general question—'Pray, does it +strike you that people will be apt, on a review of this whole dispute, to +think that there has been too much talking and too little doing?' His evil +genius so ordered it, that the man to whom he put this question, was one +who, having no military character to rest on, could not (or thought he could +not) recommend those pacific counsels which a truly brave man is ever ready +to suggest—I put the most friendly construction upon his conduct—and his +answer was this—'Why, if you insist upon my giving a faithful reply, if you +<i>will</i> require me to be sincere (though I really wish you would not), in +that case my duty is to tell you, that the world <i>has</i> been too free in its +remarks—that it has, with its usual injustice, been sneering at literary +men and <i>paper pellets</i>, as the ammunition in which they trade; in short, my +dear friend, the world has presumed to say that not you only, but that both +parties, have shown a little of'——'Yes; I know what you are going to say,' +interrupted the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[Pg 106]</a></span>other, 'of the <i>white feather</i>. Is it not so?'—'Exactly; +you have hit the mark—that is what they say. But how unjust it is; for, +says I, but yesterday, to Mr. L. M., who was going on making himself merry +with the affair in a way that was perfectly scandalous—"Sir," says +I,'——but this <i>says I</i> never reached the ears of the unhappy man: he had +heard enough; and, as a secondary dispute was still going on that had grown +out of the first, he seized the very first opening which offered itself for +provoking the issue of a quarrel. The other party was not backward or slack +in answering the appeal; and thus, in one morning, the prospect was +overcast—peace was no longer possible; and a hostile meeting was arranged. +Even at this meeting much still remained in the power of the seconds: there +was an absolute certainty that all fatal consequences might have been +evaded, with perfect consideration for the honour of both parties. The +principals must unquestionably have felt <i>that</i>; but if the seconds would +not move in that direction, of course <i>their</i> lips were sealed. A more cruel +situation could not be imagined: two persons, who never, perhaps, felt more +than that fiction of enmity which belonged to the situation, that is to say, +assumed the enmity which society presumes rationally incident to a certain +position—assumed it as a point of honour, but did not heartily feel it; and +even for the slight shade of animosity which, for half an hour, they might +have really felt, had thoroughly quelled it before the meeting, these two +persons—under no impulses whatever, good or bad, from within, but purely in +a hateful necessity of servile obedience to a command from without—prepared +to perpetrate what <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[Pg 107]</a></span>must, in that frame of dispassionate temper have +appeared to each, a purpose of murder, as regarded his antagonist—a purpose +of suicide, as regarded himself. Simply a word, barely a syllable, was +needed from the 'Friends' (such Friends!) of the parties, to have delivered +them, with honour, from this dreadful necessity: that word was not spoken; +and because a breath, a motion of the lips, was wanting—because, in fact, +the seconds were thoughtless and without feeling, one of the parties has +long slept in a premature grave—his early blossoms scattered to the +wind—his golden promise of fruit blasted; and the other has since lived +that kind of life, that, in my mind, <i>he</i> was happier who died. Something of +the same kind happened in the duel between Lord Camelford and his friend, +Mr. Best; something of the same kind in that between Colonel Montgomery and +Captain Macnamara. In the former case, the quarrel was, at least, for a +noble subject; it concerned a woman. But in the latter, a dog, and a +thoughtless lash applied to his troublesome gambols, was the sole subject of +dispute. The colonel, as is well known, a very elegant and generous young +man, fell; and Captain Macnamara had thenceforwards a worm at his heart +whose gnawings never died. He was a post-captain; and my brother afterwards +sailed with him in quality of midshipman. From him I have often heard +affecting instances of the degree in which the pangs of remorse had availed, +to make one of the bravest men in the service a mere panic-haunted, and, in +a moral sense, almost a paralytic wreck. He that, whilst his hand was +unstained with blood, would have faced an army of fiends in discharge of his +duty, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[Pg 108]</a></span>now fancied danger in every common rocking of a boat: he made himself +at times, the subject of laughter at the messes of the junior and more +thoughtless officers: and his hand, whenever he had occasion to handle a +spy-glass, shook, (to use the common image,) or, rather, shivered, like an +aspen tree. Now, if a regular tribunal, authenticated, by Parliament, as the +fountain of law, and, by the Sovereign, as the fountain of honour, were, +under the very narrowest constitution, to apply itself merely to a review of +the whole conduct pursued by the seconds, even under this restriction such a +tribunal would operate with great advantage. It is needless to direct any +severity to the conduct of the principals, unless when that conduct has been +outrageous or wanton in provocation: supposing anything tolerably reasonable +and natural in the growth of the quarrel, after the quarrel is once +'constituted,' (to borrow a term of Scotch law,) the principals, as they are +called with relation to the subject of dispute, are neither principals nor +even secondaries for the subsequent management of the dispute: they are +delivered up, bound hand and foot, into the hands of their technical +'friends'; passive to the law of social usage as regards the general +necessity of pursuing the dispute; passive to the directions of their +seconds as regards the particular mode of pursuing it. It is, therefore, the +seconds who are the proper objects of notice for courts of honour; and the +error has been, in framing the project of such a court, to imagine the +inquiry too much directed upon the behaviour of those who cease to be free +agents from the very moment that they become liable to any legal +investigation what<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[Pg 109]</a></span>ever: simply as quarrellers, the parties are no objects +of question; they are not within the field of any police review; and the +very first act which brings them within that field, translates the +responsibility (because the free agency) from themselves to their seconds. +The whole <i>questio vexata</i>, therefore, reduces itself to these logical +moments, (to speak the language of mathematics:) the two parties mainly +concerned in the case of duelling, are Society and the Seconds. The first, +by authorising such a mode of redress; the latter, by conducting it. Now, I +presume, it will be thought hopeless to arraign Society at the bar of any +earthly court, or apply any censure or any investigation to its mode of +thinking.<a name="FNanchor_16_16" id="FNanchor_16_16"></a><a href="#Footnote_16_16" class="fnanchor">[16]</a> To the <i>principals</i>, for<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[Pg 110]</a></span> the reasons given, it would be unjust +to apply them; and the inference is, that the <i>seconds</i> are the parties to +whom their main agency should be directed—as the parties in whose hands +lies the practical control of the whole affair, and the whole machinery of +opportunities, (so easily improved by a wise humanity)—for sparing +bloodshed, for promoting reconciliation, for making those overtures of +accommodation and generous apology which the brave are so ready to agree to, +in atonement for hasty words, or rash movements of passion, but which it is +impossible for <i>them</i> to originate. In short, for impressing the utmost +possible spirit of humanising charity and forbearance upon a practice which, +after all, must for ever remain somewhat of an opprobrium to a Christian +people; but which, tried by the law of worldly wisdom, is the finest bequest +of chivalry; the most economic safety-valve for man's malice that man's wit +could devise; the most absolute safe-guard of the weak against the brutal; +and, finally, (once more to borrow the words of Burke,) in a sense the +fullest and most practical, 'the cheap defence of nations;' not indeed +against the hostility which besieges from <i>without</i>, but against the far +more operative nuisance of bad passions that vex and molest the social +intercourse of men by ineradicable impulses from within.</p> + +<p>I may illustrate the value of one amongst the suggestions I have made, by +looking back and applying it to part of my last anecdote: the case of that +promising person who was cut off so prematurely for himself, and so +ruinously for the happiness of the surviving antagonist. I may mention, (as +a fact known to me on the very best authority,) that the Duke of Wellington +was consulted by a person of distinction, who had been interested in the +original dispute, with a view to his opinion upon the total merits of the +affair, on its validity, as a 'fighting' quarrel, and on the behaviour of +the parties to it. Upon the last question, the opinion of his Grace was +satisfactory. His bias, undoubtedly, if he has any, is likely to lie towards +the wisdom of the peacemaker; and possibly, like many an old soldier, he may +be apt to regard the right of pursuing quarrels by arms as a privilege not +hastily to be extended beyond the military body. But, on the other question, +as to the nature of the quarrel, the duke denied that it required a duel; or +that a duel was its natural solution. And had the duke been the mediator, it +is highly probable that the unfortunate gentleman would now have been +living. Certainly, the second quarrel involved far less of irritating +materials than the first. It grew out of a hasty word, and nothing more; +such as drops from parliamentary debaters every night of any interesting +discussion—drops hastily, is as hastily recalled, or excused, perhaps, as a +venial sally of passion, either by the good sense or the magnanimity of the +party interested in the wrong. Indeed, by the unanimous consent of all who +took notice of the affair, the seconds, or one of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[Pg 112]</a></span>them at least, in this +case, must be regarded as deeply responsible for the tragical issue; nor did +I hear of one person who held them blameless, except that one who, of all +others, might the most excusably have held them wrong in any result. But +now, from such a case brought under the review of a court, such as I have +supposed, and improved in the way I have suggested, a lesson so memorable +might have been given to the seconds, by a two-years' +imprisonment—punishment light enough for the wreck of happiness which they +caused—that soon, from this single case, raised into a memorable precedent, +there would have radiated an effect upon future duels for half a century to +come. And no man can easily persuade me that he is in earnest about the +extinction of duelling, who does not lend his countenance to a suggestion +which would, at least, mitigate the worst evils of the practice, and would, +by placing the main agents in responsibility to the court, bring the duel +itself immediately under the direct control of that court; would make a +legal tribunal not reviewers subsequently, but, in a manner, spectators of +the scene; and would carry judicial moderation and skill into the very +centre of angry passions; not, as now they act, inefficiently to review, +and, by implication, sometimes to approve their most angry ebullitions, but +practically to control and repress them.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[Pg 113]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="THE_LOVE-CHARM" id="THE_LOVE-CHARM"></a>THE LOVE-CHARM.</h2> + +<h4>A TALE FROM THE GERMAN OF TIECK.<a name="FNanchor_17_17" id="FNanchor_17_17"></a><a href="#Footnote_17_17" class="fnanchor">[17]</a></h4> + + +<p>Emilius was sitting in deep thought at his table, awaiting his friend +Roderick. The light was burning before him; the winter evening was cold; and +to-day he wished for the presence of his fellow-traveller, though at other +times wont rather to avoid his society: for on this evening he was about to +disclose a secret to him, and beg for his advice. The timid, shy Emilius +found in every business and accident of life so many difficulties, such +insurmountable hindrances, that it might seem to have been an ironical whim +of his destiny which brought him and Roderick together, Roderick being in +everything the reverse of his friend. Inconstant, flighty, always determined +by the first impression, and kindling in an instant, he engaged in +everything, had a plan for every occasion; no undertaking was too arduous +for him, no obstacle could deter him. But in the midst of the pursuit he +slackened and wearied just as suddenly as at first he had caught fire and +sprung forward. Whatever then opposed him, was for him not a spur to urge +him onward, but only led him to abandon<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[Pg 114]</a></span> what he had so hotly rushed into; +so that Roderick was every day thoughtlessly beginning something new, and +with no better cause relinquishing and idly forgetting what he had begun the +day before. Hence, never a day passed but the friends got into a quarrel, +which seemed to threaten the death of their friendship; and yet what to all +appearance thus severed them, was perhaps the very thing that most closely +bound them together; each loved the other heartily; but each found passing +satisfaction in being able to discharge the most justly deserved reproaches +upon his friend.</p> + +<p>Emilius, a rich young man, of a susceptible and melancholy temperament, on +the death of his parents had become master of his fortune. He had set out on +a journey in order thereby to complete his education, but had now already +spent several months in a large town, for the sake of enjoying the pleasures +of the carnival, about which he never gave himself the least trouble, and of +making certain arrangements of importance about his fortune with some +relations, to whom as yet he had scarcely paid a visit. On the road he had +fallen in with the restless, ever-shifting and veering Roderick, who was +living at variance with his guardians, and who, to free himself wholly from +them and their burdensome admonitions, eagerly grasped at the opportunity +held out to him by his new friend of becoming his companion on his travels. +During their journey they had often been on the point of separating; but +each after every dispute had only felt the more clearly that he could not +live without the other. Scarce had they left their carriage in any town, +when Roderick had already seen every<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[Pg 115]</a></span>thing remarkable in it, to forget it +all again on the morrow; while Emilius took a week to acquire a thorough +knowledge of the place from his books, lest he should omit seeing anything +that was to be seen; and after all, from indolence and indifference thought +there was hardly anything worth his while to go and look at. Roderick had +immediately made a thousand acquaintances, and visited every public place of +entertainment; often too he brought his new-made friends to the lonely +chamber of Emilius, and would then leave him alone with them, as soon as +they began to tire him. At other times he would confound the modest Emilius +by extravagantly praising his merits and his acquirements before intelligent +and learned men, and by giving them to understand how much they might learn +from his friend about languages, or antiquities, or the fine arts, although +he himself could never find time for listening to him on such subjects, when +the conversation happened to turn on them. But if Emilius ever chanced to be +in a more active mood, he might almost make sure of his truant friend having +caught cold the night before at a ball or a sledge-party, and being forced +to keep his bed; so that, with the liveliest, most restless, and most +communicative of men for his companion, Emilius lived in the greatest +solitude.</p> + +<p>To-day he confidently expected him; for Roderick had been forced to give him +a solemn promise of spending the evening with him, in order to learn what it +was that for weeks had been depressing and agitating his thoughtful friend. +Meanwhile Emilius wrote down the following lines:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[Pg 116]</a></span></p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">'Tis sweet when spring its choir assembles,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">And every nightingale is steeping</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">The trees in his melodious weeping,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Till leaf and bloom with rapture trembles.</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Fair is the net which moonlight weaves;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Fair are the breezes' gambolings,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">As with lime-odours on their wings</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">They chase each other through the leaves.</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Bright is the glory of the rose,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">When Love's rich magic decks the earth,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">From countless roses Love looks forth,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Those stars wherewith Love's heaven glows.</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">But sweeter, fairer, brighter far</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">To me that little lamp's pale gleaming,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">When through the narrow casement streaming,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">It bids me hail my evening star;</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">As from their braids her locks she flings,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Then twines them in a flowery band,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">While at each motion of her hand</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">The white robe to her fair form clings;</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Or when she breaks her lute's deep slumbers,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">And as at morning's touch up-darting,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">The notes, beneath her fingers starting,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Dance o'er the strings in playful numbers.</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">To stop their flight her voice she pours</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Full after them; they laugh and fly,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">And to my heart for refuge hie;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Her voice pursues them through its doors.</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Leave me, ye fierce ones! hence remove!</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">They bar themselves within, and say,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">'Till this be broken, here we stay,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">That thou mayst know what 'tis to love.'</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>Emilius arose fretfully. It grew darker, and Roderick came not, and he was +wishing to tell him of his love for an unknown fair one, who dwelt in the +opposite house, and who kept him all day long at <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[Pg 117]</a></span>home, and waking through +many a night. At length footsteps sounded up the stairs; the door opened +without anybody knocking at it, and in walked two gay masks with ugly +visages, one a Turk, dressed in red and blue silk, the other a Spaniard in +pale yellow and pink with many waving feathers on his hat. As Emilius was +becoming impatient, Roderick took off his mask, showed his well-known +laughing countenance, and said: 'Heyday, my good friend, what a drowned +puppy of a face! Is this the way to look in carnival time? I and our dear +young officer are come to fetch you away. There is a grand ball to-night at +the masquerade rooms; and as I know you have forsworn ever going out in any +other suit than that which you always wear, of the devil's own colour, come +with us as black as you are, for it is already somewhat late.'</p> + +<p>Emilius felt angry, and said: 'You have, it seems, according to custom, +altogether forgotten our agreement. I am extremely sorry,' he continued, +turning to the stranger, 'that I cannot possibly accompany you; my friend +has been over-hasty in promising for me; indeed I cannot go out at all, +having something of importance to talk to him about.'</p> + +<p>The stranger, who was well-bred, and saw what Emilius meant, withdrew; but +Roderick, with the utmost indifference, put on his mask again, placed +himself before the glass, and said: 'Verily I am a hideous figure, am I not? +To say the truth, it is a tasteless, worthless, disgusting device.'</p> + +<p>'That there can be no question about,' answered Emilius, in high +indignation. 'Making a caricature of yourself, and making a fool of +yourself, are among <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[Pg 118]</a></span>the pleasures you are always driving after at full +gallop.'</p> + +<p>'Because you do not like dancing yourself,' said the other, 'and look upon +dancing as a mischievous invention, not a soul in the world must wear a +merry face. How tiresome it is, when a person is made up of nothing but +whims!'</p> + +<p>'Doubtless!' replied his angry friend, 'and you give me ample opportunity +for finding that it is so. I thought after our agreement you would have +given me this evening; but——'</p> + +<p>'But it is the carnival, you know,' pursued the other, 'and all my +acquaintances and certain fair ladies are expecting me at the grand ball +to-night. Assure yourself, my good friend, it is mere disease in you that +makes you so unreasonable against all such matters.'</p> + +<p>'Which of us has the fairest claim to disease,' said Emilius, 'I will not +examine. At least your inconceivable frivolousness, your hunger and thirst +after stop-gaps for every hour you are awake, your wild-goose chase after +pleasures that leave the heart empty, seem not to me altogether the +healthiest state of the soul. In certain things, at all events, you might +make a little allowance for my weakness, if it must once for all pass for +such: and there is nothing in the world that so jars through and through me +as a ball with its frightful music. Somebody once said, that to a deaf +person who cannot hear the music, a set of dancers must look like so many +patients for a mad-house; but, in my opinion, this dreadful music itself, +this twirling and whirling and pirouetting of half a dozen notes, each +treading on its own heels, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[Pg 119]</a></span>in those accursed tunes which ram themselves +into our memories, yea, I might say, mix themselves up with our very blood, +so that one cannot get rid of their taint for many a miserable day +after—this to me is the very trance of madness; and if I could ever bring +myself to think dancing endurable, it must be dancing to the tune of +silence.'</p> + +<p>'Well done, signor Paradox-monger!' exclaimed the mask. 'Why, you are so far +gone, that you think the most natural, most innocent, and merriest thing in +the world unnatural, ay, and shocking.'</p> + +<p>'I cannot change my feelings,' said his grave friend. 'From my very +childhood these tunes have made me wretched, and have often well-nigh driven +me out of my senses. They are to me the ghosts and spectres and furies in +the world of sound, and come thus and buzz round my head, and grin at me +with horrid laughter.'</p> + +<p>'All nervous irritability!' returned the other; 'just like your extravagant +abhorrence of spiders and many other harmless insects.'</p> + +<p>'Harmless you call them,' cried Emilius, now quite untuned, 'because you +have no repugnance toward them. To one, however, who feels the same disgust +and loathing, the same nameless horror, that I feel, rise up in his soul and +shoot through his whole being at the sight of them, these miscreate +deformities, such as toads, spiders, or that most loathsome of nature's +excrements, the bat, are not indifferent or insignificant: their very +existence is directly at enmity and wages war with his. In truth, one might +smile at the unbelievers whose imagination is too barren for ghosts and +fearful spectres, and those <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[Pg 120]</a></span>births of night which we see in sickness, to +take root therein, or who stare and marvel at Dante's descriptions, when the +commonest every-day life brings before our eyes such frightful distorted +master-pieces among the works of horror. Yet, can we really and faithfully +love the beautiful, without being stricken with pain at the sight of such +monstrosities?'</p> + +<p>'Wherefore stricken with pain?' asked Roderick. 'Why should the great realm +of the waters and the seas present us with nothing but those terrors which +you have accustomed yourself to find there? Why not rather look on such +creatures as strange, entertaining, and ludicrous mummers, and on the whole +region in the light of a great masked ball-room? But your whims go still +further; for as you love roses with a kind of idolatry, there are many +flowers for which you have a no less vehement hatred: yet what harm has the +dear good tulip ever done you, or all the other dutiful children of summer +that you persecute? So again you have an aversion to many colours, to many +scents, and to many thoughts; and you take no pains to harden yourself +against these weaknesses, but yield to them and sink down into them as into +a luxurious feather-bed; and I often fear I shall lose you altogether some +day, and find nothing but a patchwork of whims and prejudices sitting at +that table instead of my Emilius.'</p> + +<p>Emilius was wrath to the bottom of his heart, and answered not a word. He +had long given up all design of making his intended confession; nor did the +thoughtless Roderick show the least wish to hear the secret which his +melancholy friend had announced to him with such an air of solemnity. He sat +care<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 121]</a></span>lessly in the arm-chair, playing with his mask, when he suddenly cried: +'Be so kind, Emilius, as to lend me your large cloak.'</p> + +<p>'What for?' asked the other.</p> + +<p>'I hear music in the church on the opposite side of the street,' answered +Roderick, 'and this hour has hitherto escaped me every evening since we have +been here. To-day it comes just as if called for. I can hide my dress under +your cloak, which will also cover my mask and turban, and when it is over I +can go straight to the ball.'</p> + +<p>Emilius muttered between his teeth as he looked in the wardrobe for his +cloak, then constraining himself to an ironical smile, gave it to Roderick, +who was already on his legs. 'There is my Turkish dagger which I bought +yesterday,' said the mask, as he wrapped himself up; 'put it by for me; it +is a bad habit carrying about toys of cold steel: one can never tell what +ill use may be made of them, should a quarrel arise, or any other knot which +it is easier to cut than to untie. We meet again to-morrow; farewell; a +pleasant evening to you.' He waited for no reply, but hastened down-stairs.</p> + +<p>When Emilius was alone, he tried to forget his anger, and to fix his +attention on the laughable side of his friend's behaviour. After a while his +eyes rested upon the shining, finely-wrought dagger, and he said: 'What must +be the feelings of a man who could thrust this sharp iron into the breast of +an enemy! but oh, what must be those of one who could hurt a beloved object +with it! He locked it up, then gently folded back the shutters of his +window, and looked across the narrow street. But no light was <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[Pg 122]</a></span>there; all +was dark in the opposite house; the dear form that dwelt in it, and that +used about this time to show herself at her household occupations, seemed to +be absent. 'Perhaps she is at the ball,' thought Emilius, little as it +suited her retired way of life.</p> + +<p>Suddenly, however, a light entered; the little girl whom his beloved unknown +had about her, and with whom, during the day and evening, she busied herself +in various ways, carried a candle through the room, and closed the +window-shutters. An opening remained light, large enough for over-looking a +part of the little chamber from the spot where Emilius stood; and there the +happy youth would often bide till after midnight, fixed as though he had +been charmed there. He was full of gladness when he saw her teaching the +child to read, or instructing her in sewing and knitting. Upon inquiry he +had learnt that the little girl was a poor orphan whom his fair maiden had +charitably taken into the house to educate her. Emilius's friends could not +conceive why he lived in this narrow street, in this comfortless lodging, +why he was so little to be seen in society, or how he employed himself. +Without employment, in solitude he was happy: only he felt angry with +himself and his own timidity and shyness, which kept him from venturing to +seek a nearer acquaintance with this fair being, notwithstanding the +friendliness with which on many occasions she had greeted and thanked him. +He knew not that she would often bend over him eyes no less love-sick than +his own; nor boded what wishes were forming in her heart, of what an effort, +of what <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[Pg 123]</a></span>a sacrifice she felt herself capable, so she might but attain to +the possession of his love.</p> + +<p>After walking a few times up and down the room, when the light had departed +with the child, he suddenly resolved upon going to the ball, though it was +so against his inclination and his nature; for it struck him that his +Unknown might have made an exception to her quiet mode of life, in order for +once to enjoy the world, and its gaieties. The streets were brilliantly +lighted up, the snow crackled under his feet, carriages rolled by, and masks +in every variety of dress whistled and chirped as they passed him. From many +a house there sounded the dancing-music he so abhorred, and he could not +bring himself to go the nearest way towards the ball-room, whither people +from every direction were streaming and thronging. He walked round the old +church, gazed at its lofty tower rising solemnly into the dark sky, and felt +gladdened by the stillness and loneliness of the remote square. Within the +recess of a large door-way, the varied sculptures of which he had always +contemplated with pleasure, recollecting, while so engaged, the olden times +and the arts which adorned them, he now again paused, to give himself up for +a few moments to his thoughts. He had not stood long, before a figure drew +his attention, which kept restlessly walking to and fro, and seemed to be +waiting for somebody. By the light of a lamp that was burning before an +image of the Virgin, he clearly distinguished its features as well as its +strange garb. It was an old woman of the uttermost hideousness, which struck +the eye the more from being brought out by its extravagant contrast with a +scarlet bodice <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[Pg 124]</a></span>embroidered with gold; the gown she wore was dark, and the +cap on her head shone likewise with gold. Emilius fancied at first it must +be some tasteless mask that had strayed there by mistake; but he was soon +convinced by the clear light that the old, brown, wrinkled face was one of +Nature's ploughing, and no mimic exaggeration. Many minutes had not passed +when there appeared two men, wrapped up in cloaks, who seemed to approach +the spot with cautions footsteps, often looking about them, as if to observe +whether anybody was following. The old woman walked up to them. 'Have you +got the candles?' asked she hastily, and with a gruff voice. 'Here they +are,' said one of the men; 'you know the price; let the matter be settled +forthwith.' The old woman seemed to be giving him money, which he counted +over beneath his cloak. 'I rely upon you,' she again began, 'that they are +made exactly according to the prescription, at the right time and place, so +that the work cannot fail.' 'Feel safe as to that,' returned the man, and +walked rapidly away. The other, who remained behind, was a youth: he took +the old woman by the hand, and said: 'Can it then be, Alexia, that such +rites and forms of words, as those old stories, in which I never could put +faith, tell us, can fetter the free will of man, and make love and hatred +grow in the heart?' 'So it is,' answered the scarlet woman; 'but one and one +must make two, and many a one must be added thereto, before such things come +to pass. It is not these candles alone, moulded beneath the midnight +darkness of the new moon, and drenched with human blood, it is not the +muttering magical words and invocations alone, that <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[Pg 125]</a></span>can give you the +mastery over the soul of another; much more than this belongs to such works; +but it is all known to the initiated.' 'I rely on you then,' said the +stranger. 'To-morrow after midnight I am at your service,' returned the old +woman. 'You shall not be the first person that ever was dissatisfied with +the tidings I brought him. To-night, as you have heard, I have some one else +in hand, one whose senses and understanding our art shall twist about +whichever way we choose, as easily as I twist this hair out of my head.' +These last words she uttered with a half grin: they now separated, and +withdrew in different directions.</p> + +<p>Emilius came from the dark niche shuddering, and raised his looks upon the +image of the Virgin with the Child. 'Before thine eyes, thou mild and +blessed one,' said he, half aloud, 'are these miscreants daring to hold +their market, and trafficking in their hellish drugs. But as thou embracest +thy Child with thy love, even so doth the unseen Love hold us all in its +protecting arms, and we feel their touch, and our poor hearts beat in joy +and in trembling toward a greater heart that will never forsake us.'</p> + +<p>Clouds were wandering along over the pinnacles of the tower and the steep +roof of the church; the everlasting stars looked down from amongst them, +sparkling with mild serenity; and Emilius turned his thoughts resolutely +away from these nightly horrors, and thought upon the beauty of his Unknown. +He again entered the living streets, and bent his steps toward the brightly +illuminated ball-room, whence voices, and the rattling of carriages, and now +and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[Pg 126]</a></span>then, between the pauses, the clamorous music came sounding to his +ears.</p> + +<p>In the hall he was instantly lost amid the streaming throng; dancers sprang +round him, masks shot by him to and fro, kettle-drums and trumpets deafened +his ears, and it was unto him as though human life were nothing but a dream. +He walked along the lines; his eye alone was watchful, seeking for those +beloved eyes and that fair head with its brown locks, for the sight of which +he yearned to-day even more intensely than at other times; and yet he +inwardly reproached the adored being for enduring to plunge into and lose +itself in such a stormy sea of confusion and folly. 'No,' said he to +himself, 'no heart that loves can lay itself open to this waste hubbub of +noise, in which every longing and every tear of love is scoffed and mocked +at by the pealing laughter of wild trumpets. The whispering of trees, the +murmuring of fountains, harp-tones, and gentle song gushing forth from an +overflowing bosom, are the sounds in which love abides. But this is the very +thundering and shouting of hell in the trance of its despair.'</p> + +<p>He found not what he was seeking; for the belief that her beloved face might +perchance be lying hid behind some odious mask was what he could not +possibly bring himself to. Thrice already had he ranged up and down the +hall, and had vainly passed in array every sitting and unmasked female, when +the Spaniard joined him and said: 'I am glad that after all you are come. +You seem to be looking for your friend.'</p> + +<p>Emilius had quite forgotten him: he said, however, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[Pg 127]</a></span>in some confusion: +'Indeed I wonder at not having met him here; his mask is easily known.'</p> + +<p>'Can you guess what the strange fellow is about?' answered the young +officer. 'He did not dance, or even remain half an hour in the ball-room; +for he soon met with his friend Anderson, who is just come from the country. +Their conversation fell upon literature. As Anderson had not yet seen the +new poem, Roderick would not rest till they had opened one of the back rooms +for him; and there he now is, sitting with his companion beside a solitary +taper, and declaiming the whole poem to him, beginning with the invocation +to the Muse.'</p> + +<p>'It is just like him,' said Emilius; 'he is always the child of the moment. +I have done all in my power, not even shunning some amicable quarrels, to +break him of this habit of always living extempore, and playing away his +whole being in impromptus, card after card, as it happens to turn up, +without once looking through his hand. But these follies have taken such +deep root in his heart, he would sooner part with his best friend than with +them. That very same poem, of which he is so fond that he always carries a +copy of it in his pocket, he was desirous of reading to me, and I had even +urgently entreated him to do so; but we were scarcely over the first +description of the moon, when, just as I was resigning myself to an +enjoyment of its beauties, he suddenly jumped up, ran off, came back with +the cook's apron round his waist, tore down the bell-rope in ringing to have +the fire lighted, and insisted on dressing me some beef-steaks, for which I +had not the least appetite, and of which he fancies himself the best cook +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[Pg 128]</a></span>in Europe, though, if he is lucky, he spoils them only nine times out of +ten.'</p> + +<p>The Spaniard laughed, and asked: 'Has he never been in love?'</p> + +<p>'In his way,' replied Emilius very gravely; 'as if he were making game both +of love and of himself, with a dozen women at a time, and, if you would +believe his words, raving after every one of them; but ere a week passes +over his head they are all sponged out of it together, and not even a blot +of them remains.'</p> + +<p>They parted in the crowd, and Emilius walked toward the remote apartment, +whence already from afar he heard his friend's loud recitative. 'Ah, so you +are here too,' cried Roderick, as he entered; 'that is just what it should +be. I have got to the very passage at which we broke down the other day; +seat yourself, and you may listen to the rest.'</p> + +<p>'I am not in a humour for it now,' said Emilius; 'besides, the room and the +hour do not seem to me altogether fitted for such an employment.'</p> + +<p>'And why not?' answered Roderick. 'Time and place are made for us, and not +we for time and place. Is not good poetry as good at one place as at +another? Or would you prefer dancing? there is scarcity of men; and with the +help of nothing more than a few hours' jumping and a pair of tired legs, you +may lay strong siege to the hearts of as many grateful beauties as you +please.'</p> + +<p>'Good-bye!' cried the other, already in the door-way; 'I am going home.'</p> + +<p>Roderick called after him: 'Only one word! I set off with this gentleman at +daybreak to-morrow, to spend a few days in the country, but will look in +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[Pg 129]</a></span>upon you to take leave before we start. Should you be asleep, as is most +likely, do not take the trouble of waking; for in a couple of days I shall +be with you again.—The strangest being on earth!' he continued, turning to +his new friend, 'so moping and fretful and gloomy, that he turns all his +pleasures sour; or rather there is no such thing as pleasure for him. +Instead of walking about with his fellow-creatures in broad daylight and +enjoying himself, he gets down to the bottom of the well of his thoughts, +for the sake of now and then having a glimpse of a star. Everything must be +in the superlative for him; everything must be pure and noble and celestial; +his heart must be always heaving and throbbing, even when he is standing +before a puppet-show. He never laughs or cries, but can only smile and weep; +and there is mighty little difference between his weeping and his smiling. +When anything, be it what you will, falls short of his anticipations and +preconceptions, which are always flying up out of reach and sight, he puts +on a tragical face, and complains that it is a base and soulless world. At +this moment, I doubt not, he is exacting, that under the masks of a +Pantaloon and a Pulcinello there should be a heart glowing with unearthly +desires and ideal aspirations, and that Harlequin should out moralise Hamlet +upon the nothingness of sublunary things; and should it not be so, the dew +will rise into his eyes, and he will turn his back on the whole scene with +desponding contempt.'</p> + +<p>'He must be melancholic then?' asked his hearer.</p> + +<p>'Not that exactly,' answered Roderick. 'He has only been spoilt by his +over-fond parents, and by himself. He has accustomed himself to let his +heart <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[Pg 130]</a></span>ebb and flow as regularly as the sea, and if this motion ever chances +to intermit, he cries out <i>miracle!</i> and would offer a prize to the genius +that can satisfactorily explain so marvellous a phenomenon. He is the best +fellow under the sun; but all my painstaking to break him of this +perverseness is utterly vain and thrown away; and if I would not earn sorry +thanks for my good intentions, I must even let him follow his own course.'</p> + +<p>'He seems to need a physician,' remarked Anderson.</p> + +<p>'It is one of his whims,' said Roderick, 'to entertain a supreme contempt +for the whole medical art. He will have it that every disease is something +different and distinct in every patient, that it can be brought under no +class, and that it is absurd to think of healing it, either by attention to +ancient practice or by what is called theory. Indeed he would much rather +apply to an old woman, and make use of sympathetic cures. On the same +principle, he despises all foresight, on whatever occasion, as well as +everything like regularity, moderation, and common sense. The last above all +he holds in especial abhorrence, as the antipodes and arch-enemy of all +enthusiasm. From his very childhood he framed for himself an ideal of a +noble character; and his highest aim is to render himself what he considers +such, that is, a being who shows his superiority to all things earthy by his +contempt for gold. Merely in order that he may not be suspected of being +parsimonious, or giving unwillingly, or ever talking about money, he tosses +it about him right and left by handfuls; with all his large income is for +ever poor and distressed, and becomes the fool of everybody not endowed with +pre<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[Pg 131]</a></span>cisely the same kind of magnanimity, which for himself he is determined +that he will have. To be his friend is the undertaking of all undertakings; +for he is so irritable, one need only cough or eat with one's knife, or even +pick one's teeth, to offend him mortally.'</p> + +<p>'Was he never in love?' asked his country friend.</p> + +<p>'Whom should he love? whom could he love?' answered Roderick. 'He scorns all +the daughters of earth; and were he ever to suspect that his beloved had not +an angelical contempt for dress, or liked dancing as well as star-gazing, it +would break his heart; still more appalling would it be, if she were ever so +unfortunate as to sneeze.'</p> + +<p>Meanwhile Emilius was again standing amid the throng; but suddenly there +came over him that uneasiness, that shivering, which had already so often +seized his heart when among a crowd in a state of similar excitement; it +chased him out of the ball-room and house, down along the deserted streets; +nor, till he reached his lonely chamber, did he recover himself and the +quiet possession of his senses. The night-light was already kindled; he sent +his servant to bed; everything in the opposite house was silent and dark; +and he sat down to pour forth in verse the feelings which had been aroused +by the ball.</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Within the heart 'tis still;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Sleep each wild thought encages;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Now stirs a wicked will,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Would see how madness rages.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">And cries, Wild Spirit, awake!</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Loud cymbals catch the cry</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">And back its echoes shake;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And shouting peals of laughter,</span><br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[Pg 132]</a></span><span style="margin-left: 2em;">The trumpet rushes after,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">And cries, Wild Spirit, awake!</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Amidst them flute tones fly,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Like arrows keen and numberless;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">And with bloodhound yell</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Pipes the onset swell;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And violins and violoncellos,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Creeking, clattering,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Shrieking and shattering;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And horns whence thunder bellows;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">To leave the victim slumberless,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And drag forth prisoned madness,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And cruelly murder all quiet and innocent gladness.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">What will be the end of this commotion?</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Where the shore to this turmoiling ocean?</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">What seeks the tossing throng,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">As it wheels and whirls along?</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">On! on! the lustres</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Like hell-stars bicker:</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Let us twine in closer clusters.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">On! on! ever thicker and quicker!</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">How the silly things throb, throb amain!</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Hence, all quiet!</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Hither, riot!</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Peal more proudly,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Squeal more loudly,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Ye cymbals, ye trumpets! Be-dull all pain,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Till it laugh again.</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Thou becomest to me, beauty's daughter;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 4em;">Smiles ripple over thy lips,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And o'er thine eyes blue water;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">O let me breathe on thee,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Ere parted hence we flee.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 4em;">Ere aught that light eclipse.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">I know that beauty's flowers soon wither;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Those lips within whose rosy cells</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Thy spirit warbles its sweet spells,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Death's clammy kiss ere long will press together.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">I know, that face so fair and full</span><br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[Pg 133]</a></span><span style="margin-left: 3em;">Is but a masquerading skull;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">But hail to thee, skull so fair and so fresh!</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Why should I weep and whine and wail,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">That what blooms now must soon grow pale,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">That worms must feed on that sweet flesh?</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Let me laugh but to-day and to-morrow,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">And I care not for sorrow,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">While thus on the waves of the dance by each other we sail!</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Now thou art mine</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">And I am thine:</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And what though pain and sorrow wait</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">To seize thee at the gate,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And sob and tear and groan and sigh</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Stand ranged in state</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">On thee to fly;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Blithely let us look and cheerily</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">On death, that grins so drearily.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">What would grief with us, or anguish?</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">They are foes that we know how to vanquish.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">I press thine answering fingers,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Thy look upon me lingers,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Or the fringe of thy garment will waft me a kiss:</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Thou rollest on in light;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">I fall back into night;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Even despair is bliss.</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">From this delight,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">From this wild laughter's surge,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Perchance there may emerge</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Foul jealousy and scorn and spite.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">But this our glory! and pride!</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">When thee I despise,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 4em;">I turn but mine eyes,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">And the fair one beside thee will welcome my gaze;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And she is my bride;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Oh, happy, happy days!</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Or shall it be her neighbour,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Whose eyes like a sabre</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Flash and pierce,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Their glance is so fierce?</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Thus capering and prancing,</span><br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[Pg 134]</a></span><span style="margin-left: 2em;">All together go dancing</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Adown life's giddy cave;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Nor living nor loving,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">But dizzily roving</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Through dreams to a grave.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">There below 'tis yet worse;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Its flowers and its clay</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Roof a gloomier day,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Hide a still deeper curse.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Ring then, ye cymbals, enliven this dream!</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Ye horns, shout a fiercer, more vulture-like scream!</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">And jump, caper, leap, prance, dance yourselves out of breath!</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">For your life is all art;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Love has given you no heart:</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Therefore shout till ye plunge into bottomless death.</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>He had ended and was standing at the window. Then came she into the opposite +chamber, lovely, as he had never yet seen her; her brown hair floated freely +and played in wanton ringlets about the whitest of necks; she was but +lightly clad, and it seemed as though she was about to finish some household +task at this late hour of the night before going to bed; for she placed two +lights in two corners of the room, set to rights the green baize on the +table, and again retired. Emilius was still sunk in his sweet dreams, and +gazing on the image which his beloved had left on his mind, when to his +horror the fearful, the scarlet old woman walked through the chamber; the +gold on her head and breast glared ghastlily as it threw back the light. She +had vanished again. Was he to believe his eyes? Was it not some blinding +deception of the night, some spectre that his own feverish imagination had +conjured up before him? But no! she returned still more hideous than before, +with a long gray-and-black mane flying wildly and ruggedly about her breast +and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[Pg 135]</a></span>back. The fair maiden followed her, pale, frozen up; her lovely bosom +was without a covering; but the whole form was like a marble statue. Betwixt +them they led the little sweet child, weeping and clinging entreatingly to +the fair maiden, who looked not down upon it. The child clasped and lifted +up its little beseeching hands, and stroked the pale neck and cheeks of the +marble beauty. But she held it fast by the hair, and in the other hand a +silver basin. Then the old woman gave a growl, and pulled out a long knife, +and drew it across the white neck of the child. Here something wound forth +from behind them, which they seemed not to perceive; or it must have +produced in them the same deep horror as in Emilius. The ghastly neck of a +serpent curled forth, scale after scale, lengthening and ever lengthening +out of the darkness, and stooped down between them over the child, whose +lifeless limbs hung from the old woman's arms; its black tongue licked up +the spirting red blood, and a green sparkling eye shot over into Emilius's +eye, and brain, and heart, so that he fell at the same instant to the +ground.</p> + +<p>He was senseless when found by Roderick some hours after.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>A party of friends was sitting, on the brightest summer morning, in a green +arbour, assembled round an excellent breakfast. Laughter and jests passed +round, and many a time did the glasses kiss with a merry health to the +youthful couple, and a wish that they might be the happiest of the happy. +The bride and bridegroom were not present; the fair one being still busied +about her dress, while the young husband <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[Pg 136]</a></span>was sauntering alone in a distant +avenue, musing upon his happiness.</p> + +<p>'What a pity,' said Anderson, 'that we are to have no music. All our ladies +are beclouded at the thought, and never in their whole lives longed for a +dance so much as to-day, when to have one is quite out of the question. It +is far too painful to his feelings.'</p> + +<p>'I can tell you a secret though,' said a young officer; 'which is, that we +are to have a dance after all, and a rare madcap and riotous one it will he. +Everything is already arranged; the musicians are come secretly, and +quartered out of sight. Roderick has managed it all; for he says, one ought +not to let him have his own way, or to humour his strange prejudices +over-much, especially on such a day as this. Besides, he is already grown +far more like a human being, and is much more sociable than he used to be; +so that I think even he will not dislike this alteration. Indeed, the whole +wedding has been brought about all of a sudden, in a way that nobody could +have expected.'</p> + +<p>'His whole life,' said Anderson, 'is no less singular than his character. +You must all remember how, being engaged on his travels, he arrived last +autumn in our city, fixed himself there for the winter, lived like a +melancholy man, scarcely ever leaving his room, and never gave himself the +least trouble about our theatre or any other amusement. He almost quarrelled +with Roderick, his most intimate friend, for trying to divert him, and not +pampering him in all his moping humours. In fact, this exaggerated +irritability and moodiness must have been a disease that was gather<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[Pg 137]</a></span>ing in +his body; for, as you know, he was seized four months since with a most +violent nervous fever, so that we were all forced to give him up for lost. +After his fancies had raved themselves out, on returning to his senses, he +had almost entirely lost his memory; his childhood, indeed, and his early +youth were still present to his mind, but he could not recollect anything +that had occurred during his travels, or immediately before his illness. He +was forced to begin anew his acquaintance with all his friends, even with +Roderick; and only by little and little has it grown lighter with him; but +slowly has the past with all that had befallen him come again, though still +in dim colours, over his memory. He had been removed into his uncle's house, +that the better care might be taken of him, and he was like a child, letting +them do with him whatever they chose. The first time he went out to enjoy +the warmth of spring in the park, he saw a girl sitting thoughtfully by the +road-side. She looked up; her eye met his; and, as it were seized with an +unaccountable yearning, he bade the carriage stop, got out, sat down by her, +took hold of her hands, and poured himself forth in a full stream of tears. +His friends were again alarmed for his understanding; but he grew tranquil, +lively and conversable, got introduced to the girl's parents, and at the +very first besought her hand; which, as her parents did not refuse their +consent, she granted him. Thenceforward he was happy, and a new life sprang +up within him; every day he became healthier and more cheerful. A week ago +he visited me at this country-seat of mine, and was above measure delighted +with it; indeed so much so that he would not rest till he had made me <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[Pg 138]</a></span>sell +it to him. I might easily have turned his passionate wish to my own good +account, and to his injury; for, whenever he sets his heart on a thing, he +will have it, and that forthwith. He immediately made his arrangements, and +had furniture brought hither that he may spend the summer months here; and +in this way it has come to pass that we are all now assembled together to +celebrate our friend's marriage at this villa, which a few days since +belonged to me.'</p> + +<p>The house was large, and situated in a very lovely country. One side looked +down upon a river, and beyond it upon pleasant hills, clad and girt round +with shrubs and trees of various kinds; immediately before it lay a +beautiful flower-garden. Here the orange and lemon trees were ranged in a +large open hall, from which small doors led to the store-rooms and cellars, +and pantries. On the other side spread the green plain of a meadow, which +was immediately bordered by a large park; here the two long wings of the +house formed a spacious court; and three broad, open galleries, supported by +rows of pillars standing above each other, connected all the apartments in +the building, which gave it on this side an interesting and singular +character; for figures were continually moving along these arcades in the +discharge of their various household tasks; new forms kept stepping forth +between the pillars and out of every room, which reappeared soon after above +or below, to be lost behind some other doors; the company too would often +assemble there for tea or for play; and thus, when seen from below, the +whole had the look of a theatre, before which everybody would gladly pause +awhile, expecting, as his fancies wandered, that some<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[Pg 139]</a></span>thing strange or +pleasing would soon be taking place above.</p> + +<p>The party of young people were just rising, when the full-dressed bride came +through the garden and walked up to them. She was clad in violet-coloured +velvet; a sparkling necklace lay cradled on her white neck; the costly lace +just allowed her swelling bosom to glimmer through; her brown hair was +tinged yet more beautifully by its wreath of myrtles and white roses. She +addressed each in turn with a kind greeting, and the young men were +astonished at her surpassing beauty. She had been gathering flowers in the +garden, and was now returning into the house, to see after the preparations +for the dinner. The tables had been placed in the lower open gallery, and +shone dazzlingly with their white coverings and their load of sparkling +crystal; rich clusters of many-coloured flowers rose from the graceful necks +of alabaster vases; green garlands, starred with white blossoms, twined +round the columns; and it was a lovely sight to behold the bride gliding +along with gentle motion between the tables and the pillars, amid the light +of the flowers, overlooking the whole with a searching glance, then +vanishing, and re-appearing a moment afterwards higher up to pass into her +chamber.</p> + +<p>'She is the loveliest and most enchanting creature I ever saw,' cried +Anderson; 'our friend is indeed the happiest of men.'</p> + +<p>'Even her paleness,' said the officer, taking up the word, 'heightens her +beauty. Her brown eyes sparkle only more intensely above those white cheeks, +and beneath those dark locks; and the singular, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[Pg 140]</a></span>almost burning, redness of +her lips gives a truly magical appearance to her face.'</p> + +<p>'The air of silent melancholy that surrounds her,' said Anderson, 'sheds a +lofty majesty over her whole form.'</p> + +<p>The bridegroom joined them, and inquired after Roderick. They had all missed +him some time since, and could not conceive where he could be tarrying; and +they all set out in search of him. 'He is below in the hall,' said at length +a young man whom they happened to ask, 'in the midst of the coachmen, +footmen, and grooms, showing off tricks at cards, which they cannot grow +tired of staring at.' They went in, and interrupted the noisy admiration of +the servants, without, however, disturbing Roderick, who quietly pursued his +conjuring exhibition. When he had finished, he walked with the others into +the garden, and said, 'I do it only to strengthen the fellows in their +faith: for these puzzles give a hard blow to their groomships' free-thinking +inclinations, and help to make them true believers.'</p> + +<p>'I see,' said the bridegroom, 'my all-sufficing friend, among his other +talents, does not think that of a mountebank beneath his cultivation.'</p> + +<p>'We live in a strange time,' replied the other. 'Who knows whether +mountebanks may not come to rule the roost in their turn. One ought to +despise nothing nowadays: the veriest straw of talent may be that which is +to break the camel's back.'</p> + +<p>When the two friends found themselves alone, Emilius again turned down the +dark avenue, and said, 'Why am I in such a gloomy mood on this the happiest +day of my life? But I assure you, Roderick, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[Pg 141]</a></span>little as you will believe it, +I am not made for this moving about among such a mob of human beings; for +this keeping my attention on the <i>qui vive</i> for every letter of the +alphabet, so that neither A nor Z may go without all fitting respect; for +this making a bow to her tenth, and shaking hands with my twentieth; for +this rendering of formal homage to her parents; for this handing a flower +from my nosegay of compliments to every lady that crosses my eye; for this +waiting to receive the tide of newcomers as wave after wave rushes over me, +and then turning to give orders that their servants and horses may have each +a full trough and pail set before them.'</p> + +<p>'That is a watch that goes of its own accord,' answered Roderick. 'Only look +at your house, it was just built for such an occasion; and your head-butler, +with his right hand taking up at the same time that his left is setting +down, and one leg running north while the other seems to be making for +south, was begotten and born for no other end than to put confusion in +order. He would even set my brains to rights if he could get at them; were +the whole city here he would find room for all; and he will make your +hospitality the proverb of fifty miles round. Leave all such things to him +and to your lovely bride; and where will you find so sweet a lightener of +this world's cares?'</p> + +<p>'This morning before sunrise,' said Emilius, 'I was walking through the +wood; my thoughts were solemnly tuned, and I felt to the bottom of my soul +that my life was now receiving its determinate character, that it was become +a serious thing, and that this passion had created for me a home and a +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[Pg 142]</a></span>calling. I passed along by that arbour there, and heard sounds: it was my +beloved in close conversation. "Has it not turned out now as I told you?" +said a strange voice; "just as I knew it must turn out. You have got your +wish, so cheer up and be merry." I would not go near them; afterwards I +walked toward the arbour, but they had both already left it. Since then I +keep thinking and thinking, what can these words mean?'</p> + +<p>Roderick answered: 'Perhaps she may have been in love with you for some time +without your knowing it; you are only so much the happier.'</p> + +<p>A late nightingale here upraised her song, and seemed to be wishing the +lover health and bliss. Emilius became more thoughtful. 'Come down with me, +to cheer up your spirits,' said Roderick, 'down to the village, where you +will find another couple; for you must not fancy that yours is the only +wedding on which to-day's sun is to shine. A young clown, finding his time +wear heavily in the house with an ugly old maid, for want of something +better to do, did what makes the booby now think himself bound in honour to +transform her into his wife. By this time they must both be already dressed, +so let us not miss the sight; for doubtless, it will be a most interesting +wedding.'</p> + +<p>The melancholy man let himself be dragged along by his lively chattering +friend, and they soon came to the cottage. The procession was just sallying +forth, to go to the church. The young countryman was in his usual linen +frock; all his finery consisted in a pair of leather breeches, which he had +polished till they shone like a field of dandelions; he was of simple <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[Pg 143]</a></span>mien, +and appeared somewhat confused. The bride was sun-burnt, with but a few +farewell leaves of youth still hanging about her; she was coarsely and +poorly, but cleanly dressed; some red and blue silk ribbons, already a good +deal faded; but what chiefly disfigured her was, that her hair, stiffened +with lard, flour, and pins, had been swept back from her forehead, and piled +up at the top of her head in a mound, on the summit of which lay the bridal +chaplet. She smiled and seemed glad at heart, but was shamefaced and +downcast. Next came the aged parents; the father too was only a servant +about the farm, and the hovel, the furniture, and the clothing, all bore +witness that their poverty was extreme. A dirty, squinting musician followed +the train, who kept grinning and screaming, and scratching his fiddle, which +was patched together of wood and pasteboard, and instead of strings had +three bits of pack-thread. The procession halted when his honour, their new +master, came up to them. Some mischief-loving servants, young lads and +girls, tittered and laughed, and jeered the bridal couple, especially the +ladies' maids, who thought themselves far handsomer, and saw themselves +infinitely better clad, and wondered how people could be so vulgar. A +shuddering came over Emilius; he looked round for Roderick, but the latter +had already run away from him again. An impertinent coxcomb, with a head +pilloried in his high starched neck-cloth, a servant to one of the visitors, +eager to show his wit, pressed up to Emilius, giggling, and cried: 'Now, +your honour, what says your honour to this grand couple? They can neither of +them guess where they are to find bread for to-morrow, and yet <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[Pg 144]</a></span>they mean to +give a ball this afternoon, and that famous performer there is already +engaged.' 'No bread!' said Emilius; 'can such things be?' 'Their +wretchedness,' continued the chatterbox, 'is known to the whole +neighbourhood; but the fellow says he bears the creature the same good-will, +although she is such a sorry bit of clay. Ay, verily, as the song says, love +can make black white! The couple of baggages have not even a bed, and must +pass their wedding night on the straw. They have just been round to every +house begging a pint of small beer, with which they mean to get drunk; a +royal treat for a wedding day, your honour!' Everybody round about laughed +loudly, and the unhappy, despised pair cast down their eyes. Emilius +indignantly pushed the chatterer away. 'Here, take this!' he cried, and +threw a hundred ducats, which he had received that morning, into the hands +of the amazed bridegroom. The betrothed couple and their parents wept aloud, +threw themselves clumsily on their knees, and kissed his hands and the +skirts of his coat. He tried to make his escape. 'Let that keep hunger out +of your doors as long as it lasts!' he exclaimed, quite stunned by his +feelings. 'Oh!' they all screamed, 'oh, your honour! we shall be rich and +happy till the day of our deaths, and longer too, if we live longer.'</p> + +<p>He knew not how he got away from them; but he found himself alone, and +hastened with unsteady steps into the wood. Here he sought out the thickest, +loneliest spot, and threw himself down on a grassy knoll, no longer keeping +back the bursting stream of his tears. 'I am sick of life,' he sobbed; 'I +cannot be glad and happy, I will not. Make haste <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[Pg 145]</a></span>and receive me, thou dear +kind earth, and hide me in thy cool, refreshing arms from the wild beasts +that tread over thee and call themselves men. Oh, God in heaven! how have I +deserved that I should rest upon down and wear silk, that the grape should +pour forth her most precious blood for me, and that all should throng around +me and offer me their homage and love? This poor wretch is better and +worthier than I, and misery is his nurse, and mockery and venomous scorn are +the only sounds that hail his wedding. Every delicacy that is placed before +me, every draught out of my costly goblets, my lying on soft beds, my +wearing gold and rich garments, will be unto me like so many sins, now that +I have beheld how the world hunts down many thousand thousand wretches, who +are hungering after the dry bread that I throw away, and who never know what +a good meal is. Oh, now I can fully understand your feelings, ye holy pious, +whom the world despises and scorns and scoffs at, who scatter abroad your +all, even unto the raiment of your poverty, and did gird sack-cloth about +your loins, and did resolve as beggars to endure the gibes and the kicks +wherewith brutal insolence and swilling voluptuousness drive away misery +from their tables, that by so doing ye might thoroughly purge yourselves +from the foul sin of wealth.'</p> + +<p>The world, with all its forms of being, hung in a mist before his eyes; he +determined to look upon the destitute as his brethren, and to depart far +away from the communion of the happy. They had already been waiting for him +a long time in the hall, to perform the ceremony; the bride had become +uneasy; her parents had gone in search of him through the garden <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[Pg 146]</a></span>and park; +at length he returned, lighter for having wept away his cares, and the +solemn knot was tied.</p> + +<p>The company then walked from the lower hall toward the open gallery, to seat +themselves at table. The bride and bridegroom led the way, and the rest +followed in their train. Roderick offered his arm to a young girl who was +gay and talkative. 'Why does a bride always cry, and look so sad and serious +during the ceremony,' said she, as they mounted the steps.</p> + +<p>'Because it is the first moment in which she feels intensely all the weight +and meaning and mystery of life,' answered Roderick.</p> + +<p>'But our bride,' continued the girl, 'far surpasses in gravity all I have +ever yet seen. Indeed, she almost always looks melancholy, and one can never +catch her in a downright hearty laugh.'</p> + +<p>'This does more honour to her heart,' answered Roderick, himself, contrary +to custom, feeling somewhat seriously disposed. 'You know not, perhaps, that +the bride a few years ago took a lovely little orphan girl into the house, +to educate her. All her time was devoted to the child, and the love of this +gentle being was her sweetest reward. The girl was become seven years old, +when she was lost during a walk through the town, and in spite of all the +means that have been employed, nobody could ever find out what became of +her. Our noble-minded hostess has taken this misfortune so much to heart +that she has been preyed upon ever since by a silent melancholy, nor can +anything win her away from her longing after her little play-fellow.'</p> + +<p>'A most interesting adventure, indeed,' said the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[Pg 147]</a></span>lady. 'One might see a +whole romance in three volumes grow out of this seed. It will be a strange +sight, and it will not be for nothing, when this lost star reappears. What a +pretty poem it would make! Don't you think so, sir?'</p> + +<p>The party arranged themselves at table. The bride and bridegroom sat in the +centre, and looked out upon the gay landscape. They talked and drank +healths, and the most cheerful humour reigned; the bride's parents were +quite happy; the bridegroom alone was reserved and thoughtful, eat but +little, and took no part in the conversation. He started when some musical +sounds rolled down from above, but grew calm again on finding it was nothing +but the soft notes of a bugle, which wandered along with a pleasant murmur +over the shrubs and through the park, till they died away on the distant +hills. Roderick had stationed the musicians in the gallery overhead, and +Emilius was satisfied with this arrangement. Toward the end of the dinner he +called his butler, and turning to his bride, said, 'My love, let poverty +also have a share of our superfluities.' He then ordered him to send several +bottles of wine, some pastry, and other dishes in abundant portions, to the +poor couple, so that with them also this day might be a day of rejoicing, +unto which in after-times they might look back with delight. 'See, my +friend,' cried Roderick, 'how beautifully all things in this world hang +together. My idle trick of busying myself about other people's concerns, and +my chattering, though you are for ever finding fault with them, have after +all been the occasion of this good deed.' Several persons began making +pretty speeches to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[Pg 148]</a></span>their host on his compassion and kind heart, and the +young lady next to Roderick lisped about romantic feelings and sentimental +magnanimity. 'O, hold your tongues,' cried Emilius indignantly. 'This is no +good action; it is no action at all; it is nothing. When swallows and +linnets feed themselves with the crumbs that are thrown away from the waste +of this meal, and carry them to their young ones in their nests, shall not I +remember a poor brother who needs my help? If I durst follow my heart, ye +would laugh and jeer at me, just as ye have laughed and jeered at many +others who have gone forth into the wilderness, that they might hear no more +of this world and its generosity.'</p> + +<p>Everybody was silent, and Roderick, perceiving the most vehement displeasure +in his friend's glowing eyes, feared he might forget himself still more in +his present ungracious mood, and tried to give the conversation a sudden +turn upon other subjects. But Emilius was becoming restless and absent; his +eyes were continually wandering toward the upper gallery, where the servants +who lived in the top story had many things to do.</p> + +<p>'Who is that ugly old woman,' he at length asked, 'that is so busy there, +going backwards and forwards, in her gray cloak?' 'She is one of my +attendants,' said his bride; 'she is to overlook and manage my waiting-maids +and the other girls.' 'How can you bear to have anything so hideous always +at your elbow?' replied Emilius. 'Let her alone,' answered the young lady; +'God meant the ugly to live as well as the handsome: and she is such a good, +honest creature, she may be of great use to us.'<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[Pg 149]</a></span></p> + +<p>On rising from table, everybody pressed round the new husband, again wished +him joy, and urgently begged that he would consent to their having a ball. +The bride too said, breathing a gentle kiss on his forehead: 'You will not +deny your wife's first request, my beloved; we have all been looking forward +with delight to this moment. It is so long since I danced last, and you have +never yet seen me dance. Have you no curiosity how I shall acquit myself in +this new character? My mother tells me I look better than at any other +time.'</p> + +<p>'I never saw you thus cheerful,' said Emilius; 'I will be no disturber of +your joys: do just what you please; only let me bargain for nobody asking me +to make myself ridiculous by any clumsy capers.'</p> + +<p>'Oh, if you are a bad dancer,' she answered, laughing, 'you may feel quite +safe; everybody will readily consent to your sitting still.' The bride then +retired to put on her ball-dress.</p> + +<p>'She does not know,' said Emilius to Roderick, with whom he withdrew, 'that +I can pass from the next room into hers through a secret door; I will +surprise her while she is dressing.'</p> + +<p>When Emilius had left them, and many of the ladies were also gone to make +such changes in their attire as were necessary for the ball, Roderick took +the young men aside, and led the way to his own room. 'It is wearing toward +evening,' said he, 'and will soon be dark; so make haste, every one of you, +and mask yourselves, that we may render this night glorious in the annals of +merriment and madness. Give your fancies free range in choosing your +characters: the wilder and uglier the better. Try every <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[Pg 150]</a></span>combination of +shaggy mane, and squinting eye, and mouth like a gaping volcano; build +mountains upon your shoulders, or fatten yourselves into Falstaffs; and as a +whet to your inventions, I hereby promise a kiss from the bride to the +figure that would be the likeliest to make her miscarry. A wedding is such a +strange event in one's life; the bride and bridegroom are so suddenly +plunged, as it were by magic, head over heels into a new, unaccustomed +element, that it is impossible to infuse too much of madness and folly into +this feast, in order to keep pace with the whirlpool that is bearing a brace +of human beings from the state in which they were two, into the state in +which they become one, and to let all things round about them be fit +accompaniments for the dizzy dream on the wings of which they are floating +toward a new life. So let us rave away the night, making all sail before the +breeze; and a fig for such as look twice on the grave sour faces that would +have you behave rationally.'</p> + +<p>'Don't be afraid,' said the young officer; 'we have brought from town with +us a large chest full of masks and mad carnival dresses, such as would make +even you stare.'</p> + +<p>'But see here,' returned Roderick, 'what a gem I have got from my tailor, +who was just going to cut up this peerless robe into strips. He bought it of +an old crone, who must doubtless have worn it on gala days when she went to +Lucifer's drawing-room on the Blocksberg. Look at this scarlet bodice, with +its gold tassels and fringe, at this cap besmeared with the last fee the hag +got from Beelzebub or his imps: it will give me a right worshipful air. To +match such <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[Pg 151]</a></span>jewels, there is this green velvet petticoat with its +saffron-coloured trimming, and this mask would melt even Medusa to a grin. +Thus accoutred I mean to lead the chorus of Graces, myself their +mother-queen, toward the bed-chamber. Make all the haste you can; and we +will then go in procession to fetch the bride.'</p> + +<p>The bugles were still playing; the company were walking about the garden, or +sitting before the house. The sun had gone down behind thick, murky clouds, +and the country was lying in the gray dusk, when a parting gleam suddenly +burst forth athwart the cloudy veil, and flooded every spot around, but +especially the building, and its galleries, and pillars, and wreaths of +flowers, as it were with red blood. At this moment the parents of the bride +and the other spectators beheld a train of the wildest appearances move +toward the upper corridor. Roderick led the way as the scarlet old woman, +and was followed by hump-backs, mountain-paunches, massy wigs, clowns, +punches, skeleton-like pantaloons, female figures embanked by enormous hoops +and over-canopied with three feet of horsehair, powder and pomatum, and by +every disgusting shape that can be conceived, as though a nightmare were +unrolling her stores. They jumped, and twirled, and tottered, and stumbled, +and straddled, and strutted, and swaggered along the gallery, and then +vanished behind one of the doors. But few of the beholders had been able to +laugh: so utterly were they amazed by the strange sight. Suddenly a piercing +shriek burst from one of the rooms, and there rushed forth into the +blood-red glow of the sunset the pale bride, in a short white frock, round +which wreaths <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[Pg 152]</a></span>of flowers were waving, with her lovely bosom all uncovered, +and her rich locks streaming through the air. As though mad, with rolling +eyes and distorted face, she darted along the gallery, and, blinded by +terror, could find neither door nor staircase; and immediately after rushed +Emilius in chase of her, with the sparkling Turkish dagger in his high, +upraised hand. Now she was at the end of the passage; she could go no +further; he reached her. His masked friends and the gray old woman were +running after him. But he had already furiously pierced her bosom, and cut +through her white neck; her blood spouted forth into the radiance of the +setting sun. The old woman had clasped round him to tear him back; he +struggled with her, and hurled himself together with her over the railing, +and they both fell, almost lifeless, down at the feet of the relations who +had been staring in dumb horror at the bloody scene. Above and below, or +hastening down the stairs and along the galleries, were seen the hideous +masks, standing or running about in various clusters, like fiends of hell.</p> + +<p>Roderick took his dying friend in his arms. He had found him in his wife's +room playing with the dagger. She was almost dressed when he entered. At the +sight of the hated red bodice his memory had rekindled; the horrible vision +of the night had risen upon his mind; and gnashing his teeth he had sprung +after his trembling flying bride, to avenge that murder and all those +devilish doings. The old woman, ere she expired, confessed the crime that +had been wrought; and the gladness and mirth of the whole house were +suddenly changed into sorrow and lamentation and dismay.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[Pg 153]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="LUDWIG_TIECK" id="LUDWIG_TIECK"></a>LUDWIG TIECK.</h2> + + +<p>The author of the foregoing tale, Ludwig Tieck, has lately been introduced +to the English reader by an admirable translation of his two exquisite +little novels, <i>The Pictures</i> and <i>The Betrothing</i>. He is one among the +great German writers who made their appearance during the last ten years of +the eighteenth century; a period—whether from any extraordinary +productiveness in the power that regulates the seed-time and the harvests of +the human race, or from the mighty excitements and stimulants wherewith the +world was then teeming—among the richest in the blossoming of genius. For +not to mention the great military talents first developed in those days, +among the holders of which were he who conquered all the continent of +Europe, and he before whom that conqueror fell; turning away from the many +rank but luxuriant weeds that sprang up in France, after all its plains had +been manured with blood; and fixing the eye solely upon literary excellence, +we find in our own country, that the chief part of those men by whom we may +hope that the memory of our days will be transmitted to posterity as a thing +precious and to be held in honour, that Wordsworth, and Coleridge, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[Pg 154]</a></span>and +Southey, and Lamb, and Landor, and Scott, put forth during those ten years +the first-fruits of their minds; while in Germany, the same period was +rendered illustrious by Fichte and John Paul Richter at its commencement, +and subsequently by Schelling, and Hegel, and Steffens, Schleiermacher, and +the Schlegels, and Novalis, and Tieck. Of this noble brotherhood, who all, I +believe, studied at the same university, that of Jena, and who were all +bound together by friendship, by affinity of genius, and by unity of aim, +the two latter, Novalis and Tieck, were the poets: for though there are +several things of great poetical beauty in the works of the Schlegels, their +fame, upon the whole, rests on a different basis. The lovely dreamy mind of +Novalis was cut off in the full promise of its spring; it only just awoke +from the blissful visions of its childhood, to breathe forth a few lyrical +murmurs about the mysteries it had been brooding over, and then fell asleep +again. Upon Tieck, therefore, the character of German poetry in the age +following those of Goethe and Schiller will mainly depend: and never did +Norwegian or Icelandic spring burst forth more suddenly than the youth of +Ludwig Tieck. I know not in the whole history of literature, any poet who +can count up so many and so great exploits achieved on his first descent +into the arena: in number and variety even Goethe must yield the precedence, +though his youthful triumphs were <i>Goetz of Berlichingen</i> and <i>Werther</i>. +There was in Tieck's early works the promise, and far more than the promise, +of the greatest dramatic poet whom Europe had seen since the days of +Calderon; there was a rich, elastic, buoyant, comic <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[Pg 155]</a></span>spirit, not like the +analytical reflection, keen biting wit of Molière and Congreve, and other +comic writers of the satirical school, but like the living merriment, the +uncontrollable, exuberant joyousness, the humour arising from <i>good</i> humour, +not, as it often does, from <i>ill</i> humour, the incarnation, so to say, of the +principle of mirth, in Shakespeare, and Cervantes, and Aristophanes; and as +a wreath of flowers to crown the whole, there was the heavenly purity and +starlike loveliness of his <i>Genoveva</i>. Had the rest of Tieck's life kept +pace with the fertility of the six years from 1798 to 1804, he must have +been beyond all rivalry the second of German poets; and as Eschylus in the +<i>Frogs</i> shares his supremacy with Sophocles, so would Goethe have invited +Tieck to sit beside him on his throne. Unfortunately for those who would +have feasted upon his fruits, the poet, during the last twenty years, has +been so weighed down by almost unintermitting ill health, that he has +published but little. There was a short interval indeed that seemed to bid +fairer, about the year 1812, when he began to collect his tales and lesser +dramas, on a plan something like that of the <i>Decameron</i>, in the <i>Phantasm</i>, +but it has not yet been carried beyond the second reign, out of seven +through which it was designed to extend. Of that collection the chief part +had been known to the world ten or twelve years before: some things, +however, appeared then for the first time, and among them, I believe, was +the tale of <i>The Love-Charm</i>. Latterly, Tieck's genius has taken a new +spring, in a somewhat different direction from that of his youth. He has +written half a dozen novels, in the manner of the couple recently +translated; nor <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[Pg 156]</a></span>are the others of less excellence than those two; a +beautiful tale of magic has also been just published; and the speedy +appearance of several other things that have employed him during the long +period of seeming inactivity, is promised; wherein he has been engaged more +or less for above a quarter of a century, and to gather materials for which +he some years since visited England. Of this work the highest expectations +may justly be formed: not many people, even, in this country, possess a more +extensive and accurate acquaintance with our ancient drama than Tieck; no +one has entered more fully into the spirit of its great poets, than Tieck +has shown himself to have done in the prefaces to his <i>Old English Theatre</i> +and his <i>Shakespeare's Vorschule</i>; few have ever bestowed such attention on +the history of the stage in all countries, or have so studied the principles +of dramatic composition and the nature of dramatic effect; hardly any one, I +may say no one, ever learnt so much from Shakespeare: no one, therefore, can +have more to teach us about him; and to judge from the remarks on some of +the plays which have already been printed in the <i>Abendzeitung</i>, no one was +ever so able to trace out the most secret workings of the great master's +mind, or to retain his full, calm self-possession when following him on his +highest flights; no one ever united in such perfection the great critic with +the great poet. One may look forward, therefore, with confidence to the +greatest work in æsthetical criticism that even Germany will ever have +produced.</p> + +<p>Of the foregoing tale itself little need be said. If the translator has +failed so grievously that an English reader cannot see its merits, he would +hardly help <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[Pg 157]</a></span>himself out of the scrape by talking about the effect he ought +to have produced. And grievously he must have failed, if any reader with a +feeling for poetry does not perceive and enjoy the beauty of the +descriptions, especially of the two eventful scenes, the power and passion +of the wild dithyramb, the admirable delineation of the characters in +proportion to their relative importance, and the poetical harmony and +perfect <i>keeping</i> of the whole. Nothing can be more delicate than the way of +softening the horror that might be felt for the bride: she has not even a +name, that there may be no distinct object for our disgust to fasten on; she +is only spoken of under titles of a pleasurable meaning; her beauty, like +Helen's on the walls of Troy, is manifested by its effect: the young men are +astonished at it; her air of deep melancholy impresses even the gayest and +most thoughtless, and is thus more powerful than if pages had been employed +in giving utterance to her remorse; besides which, had the latter course +been adopted, the main object would have been the wicked heart, not the +wicked deed, the sin, not the crime; and sin is always loathsome, whereas a +crime may often be looked upon with pity. The poet has therefore wisely kept +all his power of characteristic delineation for the two chief persons in the +tale; and rarely have any characters been brought out so distinctly within a +work of such dimensions; the contrast between them runs through every +feature, yet each is the necessary complement to the other; the abuse which +they vent in the ball-room each against his dearest friend, and in the ears +of almost a stranger, is in the true style of our frail affections, veering +before the slightest puff of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[Pg 158]</a></span>self-will; nor is there a circumstance +mentioned about either, which tends not to complete the picture, and is not +all but indispensable. On some occasions a whole life and character are +revealed by a single touch; as for instance when Emilius exclaims, <i>No +bread! Can such things be?</i> No other man could have been so ignorant of what +goes on in the world, as to marvel at such a common occurrence; yet Emilius, +it is quite certain, would be surprised, when awaked from his dreams, to +behold the face of real life; so that this exclamation is, as it were, a +great toe from which to construct one who is anything rather than a +Hercules. Indeed the whole scene of the peasant's marriage, which at first +sight may appear like a somewhat idle digression, brought in for no better +reason than amusement, is absolutely necessary to the tale as a work of art: +it not only shows the character of Emilius in a fresh and important point of +view, not only supplies him with fuel, so that he is ready to burn at the +approach of the first spark, as for the former scene he had been prepared by +the arousal of his feelings in the ball-room; which, besides, cast a +mysterious haze over the scene, and leave it half doubtful how much of the +crime was actually perpetrated: the peasant's wedding is necessary as a +contrast, as a complement, and as a relief to the other marriage; nor can +that calm and masterly irony, which is among the first elements in the mind +of a great poet, be more clearly manifested, than it is here, where the pomp +and rejoicing of the great and wealthy are suddenly turned 'into sorrow and +lamentation and dismay;' while the poor and the abashed and the despised are +enabled to pass their days in what to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[Pg 159]</a></span>them is comfort, and to obtain the +enjoyment of a day 'unto which in after-times they may look back with +delight.'</p> + +<p>Everything about the one marriage seems happy; everything about the other +seems wretched; but neither is what it seems: they who seem happy are a prey +to extravagant and sinful desires; those who seem wretched have moderate +wishes, and, though they have offended, have not done it wantonly or in +malice; they are making what seems to them the only atonement in their +power, and 'the fellow bears the creature the same good-will, though she is +such a sorry bit of clay'; therefore the end of each marriage is according, +not unto the outward show and promise, but unto that which lies within the +heart. It is thus that poetical justice endeavours, so far as it may, to +anticipate the sentence of Omniscient justice.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[Pg 160]</a></span></p> + +<h2><a name="LAST_WILL_AND_TESTAMENT_THE_HOUSE_OF_WEEPING" id="LAST_WILL_AND_TESTAMENT_THE_HOUSE_OF_WEEPING"></a>LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT.—THE HOUSE OF WEEPING.</h2> + +<h4><i>From Jean Paul Frederick Richter.</i></h4> + + +<p>Since the day when the town of Haslau first became the seat of a Court, no +man could remember that any one event in its annals (always excepting the +birth of the hereditary prince) had been looked for with so anxious a +curiosity as the opening of the last will and testament left by Van der +Kabel. This Van der Kabel may be styled the Haslau Crœsus; and his whole +life might be termed, according to the pleasure of the wits, one long +festival of god-sends, or a daily washing of golden sands nightly +impregnated by golden showers of Danæ. Seven distant surviving relatives of +seven distant relatives deceased of the said Van der Kabel, entertained some +little hopes of a place amongst his legatees, grounded upon an assurance +which he had made, 'that upon his oath he would not fail to <i>remember them</i> +in his will.' These hopes, however, were but faint and weakly; for they +could not repose any extraordinary confidence in his good faith—not only +because in all cases he conducted his affairs in a disinterested spirit, and +with a perverse obstinacy of moral principle, whereas his <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[Pg 161]</a></span>seven relatives +were mere novices, and young beginners in the trade of morality,—but also +because, in all these moral extravagances of his (so distressing to the +feelings of the sincere rascal), he thought proper to be very satirical, and +had his heart so full of odd caprices, tricks, and snares for unsuspicious +scoundrels, that (as they all said) no man who was but raw in the art of +virtue could deal with him, or place any reliance upon his intentions. +Indeed the covert laughter which played about his temples, and the falsetto +tones of his sneering voice, somewhat weakened the advantageous impression +which was made by the noble composition of his face, and by a pair of large +hands, from which were daily dropping favours little and great—benefit +nights, Christmas-boxes and New-Year's gifts; for this reason it was that, +by the whole flock of birds who sought shelter in his boughs, and who fed +and built their nests on him, as on any wild service-tree, he was, +notwithstanding, reputed a secret magazine of springes; and they were scarce +able to find eyes for the visible berries which fed them, in their scrutiny +after the supposed gossamer snares.</p> + +<p>In the interval between two apoplectic fits he had drawn up his will, and +had deposited it with the magistrate. When he was just at the point of death +he transferred to the seven presumptive heirs the certificate of this +deposit; and even then said, in his old tone—how far it was from his +expectation, that by any such anticipation of his approaching decease, he +could at all depress the spirits of men so steady and sedate, whom, for his +own part, he would much rather regard in the light of laughing than of +weeping heirs; to which remark one only of the whole number, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[Pg 162]</a></span>namely, Mr. +Harprecht, inspector of police, replied as a cool ironist to a bitter +one—'that the total amount of concern and of <i>interest</i>, which might +severally belong to them in such a loss, was not (they were sincerely sorry +it was not) in their power to determine.'</p> + +<p>At length the time is come when the seven heirs have made their appearance +at the town-hall, with their certificate—of deposit; <i>videlicet</i>, the +ecclesiastical councillor Glantz; Harprecht, the inspector of police; +Neupeter, the court-agent; the court-fiscal, Knoll; Pasvogel, the +bookseller; the reader of the morning lecture, Flacks; and Monsieur Flitte, +from Alsace. Solemnly, and in due form, they demanded of the magistrate the +schedule of effects consigned to him by the late Kabel, and the opening of +his will. The principal executor of this will was Mr Mayor himself; the +sub-executors were the rest of the town-council. Thereupon, without delay, +the schedule and the will were fetched from the register office of the +council to the council chamber: both were exhibited in rotation to the +members of the council and the heirs, in order that they might see the privy +seal of the town impressed upon them: the registry of consignment, indorsed +upon the schedule, was read aloud to the seven heirs by the town-clerk: and +by that registry it was notified to them, that the deceased had actually +consigned the schedule to the magistrate, and entrusted it to the +corporation-chest; and that on the day of consignment he was still of sound +mind: finally, the seven seals, which he had himself affixed to the +instrument, were found unbroken. These preliminaries gone through, it was +now (but not <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[Pg 163]</a></span>until a brief registry of all these forms had been drawn up by +the town-clerk) lawful, in God's name, that the will should be opened and +read aloud by Mr Mayor, word for word as follows:—</p> + +<p>'I, Van der Kabel, on this 7th day of May, 179-, being in my house at +Haslau, situate in Dog-street, deliver and make known this for my last will; +and without many millions of words, notwithstanding I have been both a +German notary and a Dutch schoolmaster. Howsoever I may disgrace my old +professions by this parsimony of words, I believe myself to be so far at +home in the art and calling of a notary, that I am competent to act for +myself as a testator in due form, and as a regular devisor of property.</p> + +<p>'It is a custom of testators to premise the moving causes of their wills. +These, in my case, as in most others, are regard for my happy departure, and +for the disposal of the succession to my property—which, by the way, is the +object of a tender passion in various quarters. To say anything about my +funeral, and all that, would be absurd and stupid. This, and what shape my +remains shall take, let the eternal sun settle above, not in any gloomy +winter, but in some of his most verdant springs.</p> + +<p>'As to those charitable foundations and memorial institutions of +benevolence, about which notaries are so much occupied, in my case I appoint +as follows: to three thousand of my poor townsmen of every class, I assign +just the same number of florins, which sum I will that, on the anniversary +of my death, they shall spend in feasting upon the town common, where they +are previously to pitch their camp, unless the military camp of his Serene +Highness shall be already <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[Pg 164]</a></span>pitched there, in preparation for the reviews; +and when the gala is ended, I would have them cut up the tents into clothes. +Item, to all the school-masters in our locality I bequeath one golden +augustus. Item, to the Jews of this place I bequeath my pew in the high +church.—As I would wish that my will should be divided into clauses, this +is considered to be the first.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<h4>CLAUSE II.</h4> + +<p>'Amongst the important offices of a will, it is universally agreed to be +one, that from amongst the presumptive and presumptuous expectants, it +should name those who are, and those who are not, to succeed to the +inheritance; that it should create heirs and destroy them. In conformity to +this notion, I give and bequeath to Mr Glantz, the councillor for +ecclesiastical affairs, as also to Mr Knoll, the exchequer officer; likewise +to Mr Peter Neupeter, the court-agent; item to Mr Harprecht, director of +police; furthermore to Mr Flacks, the morning lecturer; in like manner to +the court-bookseller, Mr Pasvogel; and finally to Monsieur Flitte,—nothing; +not so much because they have no just claims upon me—standing, as they do, +in the remotest possible degree of consanguinity; nor again, because they +are for the most part themselves rich enough to leave handsome inheritances; +as because I am assured, indeed I have it from their own lips, that they +entertain a far stronger regard for my insignificant person than for my +splendid property; my body, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[Pg 165]</a></span>therefore, or as large a portion of it as they +can get, I bequeath to them.'</p> + +<p>At this point seven faces, like those of the Seven Sleepers, gradually +elongated into preternatural extent. The ecclesiastical councillor, a young +man, but already famous throughout Germany for his sermons printed or +preached, was especially aggrieved by such offensive personality; Monsieur +Flitte rapped out a curse that rattled even in the ears of magistracy; the +chin of Flacks the morning lecturer gravitated downwards into the dimensions +of a patriarchal beard; and the town-council could distinguish an assortment +of audible reproaches to the memory of Mr Kabel, such as prig, rascal, +profane wretch, &c. But the Mayor motioned with his hand, and immediately +the fiscal and the bookseller recomposed their features and set their faces +like so many traps with springs, and triggers, at full cock, that they might +catch every syllable; and then with a gravity that cost him some efforts:—</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + + +<h4>CLAUSE III.</h4> + +<p>'Excepting always, and be it excepted, my present house in Dog-street: which +house by virtue of this third clause is to descend and to pass in full +property just as it now stands, to that one of my seven relatives +above-mentioned, who shall, within the space of one half-hour (to be +computed from the reciting of this clause), shed, to the memory of me his +departed kinsman, sooner than the other six competitors, one, or, if +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[Pg 166]</a></span>possible, a couple of tears, in the presence of a respectable magistrate, +who is to make a protocol thereof. Should, however, <i>all remain dry</i>, in +that case, the house must lapse to the heir-general—whom I shall proceed to +name.'</p> + +<p>Here Mr Mayor closed the will: doubtless, he observed, the condition annexed +to the bequest was an unusual one, but yet, in no respect contrary to law: +to him that wept the first the court was bound to adjudge the house: and +then placing his watch on the session table, the pointers of which indicated +that it was now just half-past eleven, he calmly sat down—that he might +duly witness in his official character of executor, assisted by the whole +court of aldermen, who should be the first to produce the requisite tear or +tears on behalf of the testator.</p> + +<p>That since the terraqueous globe has moved or existed, there can ever have +met a more lugubrious congress, or one more out of temper and enraged than +this of Seven United Provinces, as it were, all dry and all confederated for +the purpose of weeping,—I suppose no impartial judge will believe. At first +some invaluable minutes were lost in pure confusion of mind, in +astonishment, in peals of laughter: the congress found itself too suddenly +translated into the condition of the dog to which, in the very moment of his +keenest assault upon some object of his appetite, the fiend cried out—Halt! +Whereupon, standing up as he was, on his hind legs, his teeth grinning, and +snarling with the fury of desire, he halted and remained petrified:—from +the graspings of hope, however distant, to the necessity of weeping for a +wager, the congress found the transition too abrupt and harsh.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[Pg 167]</a></span></p> + +<p>One thing was evident to all—that for a shower that was to come down at +such a full gallop, for a baptism of the eyes to be performed at such a +hunting pace, it was vain to think of any pure water of grief: no hydraulics +could effect this: yet in twenty-six minutes (four unfortunately were +already gone), in one way or other, perhaps, some business might be done.</p> + +<p>'Was there ever such a cursed act,' said the merchant Neupeter, 'such a +price of buffoonery enjoined by any man of sense and discretion? For my +part, I can't understand what the d——l it means.' However, he understood +this much, that a house was by possibility floating in his purse upon a +tear: and <i>that</i> was enough to cause a violent irritation in his lachrymal +glands.</p> + +<p>Knoll, the fiscal, was screwing up, twisting, and distorting his features +pretty much in the style of a poor artisan on Saturday night, whom some +fellow-workman is bar<i>ber</i>ously razoring and scraping by the light of a +cobbler's candle: furious was his wrath at this abuse and profanation of the +title <i>Last Will and Testament</i>: and at one time, poor soul! he was near +enough to tears—of vexation.</p> + +<p>The wily bookseller, Pasvogel, without loss of time, sate down quietly to +business: he ran through a cursory retrospect of all the works any ways +moving or affecting that he had himself either published or sold on +commission;—took a flying survey of the pathetic in general: and in this +way of going to work, he had fair expectations that in the end he should +brew something or other: as yet, however, he looked very much like a dog who +is slowly licking off an emetic which the Parisian surgeon Demet has +administered <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[Pg 168]</a></span>by smearing it on his nose: time—gentlemen, time was required +for the operation.</p> + +<p>Monsieur Flitte, from Alsace, fairly danced up and down the sessions +chamber; with bursts of laughter he surveyed the rueful faces around him: he +confessed that he was not the richest among them, but for the whole city of +Strasburg, and Alsace to boot, he was not the man that could or would weep +on such a merry occasion. He went on with his unseasonable laughter and +indecent mirth, until Harprecht, the police inspector, looked at him very +significantly, and said—that perhaps Monsieur flattered himself that he +might by means of laughter squeeze or express the tears required from the +well-known meibomian glands, the caruncula, &c., and might thus piratically +provide himself with surreptitious rain;<a name="FNanchor_18_18" id="FNanchor_18_18"></a><a href="#Footnote_18_18" class="fnanchor">[18]</a> but in that case, he must remind +him that he would no more win the day with any such secretions than he could +carry to account a course of sneezes or wilfully blowing his nose; a channel +into which it was well known that very many tears, far more than were now +wanted, flowed out of the eyes through the nasal duct; more indeed by a good +deal than were ever known to flow downwards to the bottom of most pews at a +funeral sermon. Monsieur Flitte of Alsace, however, protested that he was +laughing out of pure fun, for his own amusement; and, upon his honour, with +no <i>ulterior views</i>.</p> + +<p>The inspector on his side, being pretty well acquainted with the hopeless +condition of his own dephlegmatised heart, endeavoured to force into his +eyes something that might meet the occasion by staring with them wide open +and in a state of rigid expansion.</p> + +<p>The morning-lecturer, Flacks, looked like a Jew beggar mounted on a stallion +which is running away with him: meantime, what by domestic tribulations, +what by those he witnessed at his own lecture, his heart was furnished with +such a promising bank of heavy-laden clouds, that he could easily have +delivered upon the spot the main quantity of water required had it not been +for the house which floated on the top of the storm; and which, just as all +was ready, came driving in with the tide, too gay and gladsome a spectacle +not to banish his gloom, and thus fairly dammed up the waters.</p> + +<p>The ecclesiastical councillor—who had become acquainted with his own nature +by long experience in preaching funeral sermons, and sermons on the New +Year, and knew full well that he was himself always the first person and +frequently the last, to be affected by the pathos of his own eloquence—now +rose with dignified solemnity, on seeing himself and the others hanging so +long by the dry rope, and addressed the chamber:—No man, he said, who had +read his printed works, could fail to know that he carried a heart about him +as well as other people; and a heart, he would add, that had occasion to +repress such holy testimonies of its tenderness as tears, lest he should +thereby draw too heavily on the sympathies and the purses of his fellow-men, +rather than elaborately to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[Pg 170]</a></span>provoke them by stimulants for any secondary +views, or to serve an indirect purpose of his own: 'This heart,' said he, +'has already shed tears (but they were already shed secretly), for Kabel was +my friend;' and, so saying, he paused for a moment and looked about him.</p> + +<p>With pleasure he observed that all were sitting as dry as corks: indeed, at +this particular moment, when he himself, by interrupting their several +water-works, had made them furiously angry, it might as well have been +expected that crocodiles, fallow-deer, elephants, witches, or ravens should +weep for Van der Kabel, as his presumptive heirs. Among them all, Flacks was +the only one who continued to make way: he kept steadily before his mind the +following little extempore assortment of objects:—Van der Kabel's good and +beneficent acts; the old petticoats so worn and tattered, and the gray hair +of his female congregation at morning service; Lazarus with his dogs; his +own long coffin; innumerable decapitations; the Sorrows of Werther; a +miniature field of battle; and finally, himself and his own melancholy +condition at this moment, itself enough to melt any heart, condemned as he +was in the bloom of youth by the second clause of Van der Kabel's will to +tribulation, and tears, and struggles:—Well done, Flacks! Three strokes +more with the pump-handle, and the water is pumped up and the house along +with it.</p> + +<p>Meantime Glantz, the ecclesiastical councillor, proceeded in his pathetic +harangue—'Oh, Kabel, my Kabel!' he ejaculated, and almost wept with joy at +the near approach of his tears, 'the time shall come that by the side of thy +loving breast, covered with earth, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[Pg 171]</a></span>mine also shall lie mouldering and in +cor——' <i>ruption</i> he would have said; but Flacks, starting up in trouble, +and with eyes overflowing, threw a hasty glance around him, and said, 'With +submission, gentlemen, to the best of my belief I am weeping.' Then sitting +down, with great satisfaction he allowed the tears to stream down his face; +that done, he soon recovered his cheerfulness and his <i>aridity</i>. Glantz the +councillor thus saw the prize fished away before his eyes—those very eyes +which he had already brought into an <i>Accessit</i>,<a name="FNanchor_19_19" id="FNanchor_19_19"></a><a href="#Footnote_19_19" class="fnanchor">[19]</a> or inchoate state of +humidity; this vexed him: and his mortification was the greater on thinking +of his own pathetic exertions, and the abortive appetite for the prize which +he had thus uttered in words as ineffectual as his own sermons; and at this +moment he was ready to weep for spite—and 'to weep the more because he wept +in vain.' As to Flacks, a protocol was immediately drawn up of his watery +compliance with the will of Van der Kabel: and the messuage in Dog-street +was knocked down to him for ever. The Mayor adjudged it to the poor devil +with all his heart: indeed, this was the first occasion ever known in +Haslau, on which the tears of a schoolmaster and a curate had converted +themselves—not into mere amber that incloses only a worthless insect, like +the tears of Heliodes, but like those of the goddess Freia, into heavy gold. +Glantz congratulated Flacks very warmly; and observed with a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[Pg 172]</a></span> smiling air, +that possibly he had himself lent him a helping hand by his pathetic +address. As to the others, the separation between them and Flacks was too +palpable, in the mortifying distinction of <i>wet</i> and <i>dry</i>, to allow of any +cordiality between them; and they stood aloof therefore: but they stayed to +hear the rest of the will, which they now awaited in a state of anxious +agitation.</p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[Pg 173]</a></span></p> + +<h2><a name="THE_HOUSEHOLD_WRECK" id="THE_HOUSEHOLD_WRECK"></a>THE HOUSEHOLD WRECK.</h2> + + +<p>'<i>To be weak</i>,' we need not the great archangel's voice to tell us, '<i>is to +be miserable</i>.' All weakness is suffering and humiliation, no matter for its +mode or its subject. Beyond all other weakness, therefore, and by a sad +prerogative, as more miserable than what is most miserable in all, that +capital weakness of man which regards the <i>tenure</i> of his enjoyments and his +power to protect, even for a moment, the crown of flowers—flowers, at the +best, how frail and few!—which sometimes settles upon his haughty brow. +There is no end, there never will be an end, of the lamentations which +ascend from earth and the rebellious heart of her children, upon this huge +opprobrium of human pride—the everlasting mutabilities of all which man can +grasp by his power or by his aspirations, the fragility of all which he +inherits, and the hollowness visible amid the very raptures of enjoyment to +every eye which looks for a moment underneath the draperies of the shadowy +<i>present</i>—the hollowness—the blank treachery of hollowness, upon which all +the pomps and vanities of life ultimately repose. This trite but unwearying +theme, this impassioned commonplace of humanity, is the subject <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[Pg 174]</a></span>in every +age of variation without end, from the Poet, the Rhetorician, the Fabulist, +the Moralist, the Divine, and the Philosopher. All, amidst the sad vanity of +their sighs and groans, labour to put on record and to establish this +monotonous complaint, which needs not other record or evidence than those +very sighs and groans. What is life? Darkness and formless vacancy for a +beginning, or something beyond all beginning—then next a dim lotos of human +consciousness, finding itself afloat upon the bosom of waters without a +shore—then a few sunny smiles and many tears—a little love and infinite +strife—whisperings from paradise and fierce mockeries from the anarchy of +chaos—dust and ashes—and once more darkness circling round, as if from the +beginning, and in this way rounding or making an island of our fantastic +existence,—<i>that</i> is human life; <i>that</i> the inevitable amount of man's +laughter and his tears—of what he suffers and he does—of his motions this +way and that way—to the right or to the left—backwards or forwards—of all +his seeming realities and all his absolute negations—his shadowy pomps and +his pompous shadows—of whatsoever he thinks, finds, makes or mars, creates +or animates, loves, hates, or in dread hope anticipates;—so it is, so it +has been, so it will be, for ever and ever.</p> + +<p>Yet in the lowest deep there still yawns a lower deep; and in the vast halls +of man's frailty there are separate and more gloomy chambers of a frailty +more exquisite and consummate. We account it frailty that threescore years +and ten make the upshot of man's pleasurable existence, and that, far before +that time is reached, his beauty and his power have fallen <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[Pg 175]</a></span>among weeds and +forgetfulness. But there is a frailty, by comparison with which this +ordinary flux of the human race seems to have a vast duration. Cases there +are, and those not rare, in which a single week—a day—an hour sweeps away +all vestiges and landmarks of a memorable felicity; in which the ruin +travels faster than the flying showers upon the mountain-side, faster 'than +a musician scatters sounds;' in which 'it was' and 'it is not' are words of +the self-same tongue, in the self-same minute; in which the sun that at noon +beheld all sound and prosperous, long before its setting hour looks out upon +a total wreck, and sometimes upon the total abolition of any fugitive +memorial that there ever had been a vessel to be wrecked, or a wreck to be +obliterated.</p> + +<p>These cases, though here spoken of rhetorically, are of daily occurrence; +and, though they may seem few by comparison with the infinite millions of +the species, they are many indeed, if they be reckoned absolutely for +themselves; and throughout the limits of a whole nation, not a day passes +over us but many families are robbed of their heads, or even swallowed up in +ruin themselves, or their course turned out of the sunny beams into a dark +wilderness. Shipwrecks and nightly conflagrations are sometimes, and +especially among some nations, wholesale calamities; battles yet more so; +earthquakes, the famine, the pestilence, though rarer, are visitations yet +wider in their desolation. Sickness and commercial ill-luck, if narrower, +are more frequent scourges. And most of all, or with most darkness in its +train, comes the sickness of the brain—lunacy—which, visiting nearly one +thousand <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[Pg 176]</a></span>in every million, must, in every populous nation, make many ruins +in each particular day. 'Babylon in ruins,' says a great author, 'is not so +sad a sight as a human soul overthrown by lunacy.' But there is a sadder +even than <i>that</i>,—the sight of a family-ruin wrought by crime is even more +appalling. Forgery, breaches of trust, embezzlement, of private or public +funds—(a crime sadly on the increase since the example of Fauntleroy, and +the suggestion of its great feasibility first made by him)—these +enormities, followed too often, and countersigned for their final result to +the future happiness of families, by the appalling catastrophe of suicide, +must naturally, in every wealthy nation, or wherever property and the modes +of property are much developed, constitute the vast majority of all that +come under the review of public justice. Any of these is sufficient to make +shipwreck of all peace and comfort for a family; and often, indeed, it +happens that the desolation is accomplished within the course of one +revolving sun; often the whole dire catastrophe, together with its total +consequences, is both accomplished and made known to those whom it chiefly +concerns within one and the same hour. The mighty Juggernaut of social life, +moving onwards with its everlasting thunders, pauses not for a moment to +spare—to pity—to look aside, but rushes forward for ever, impassive as the +marble in the quarry—caring not for whom it destroys, for the how many, or +for the results, direct and indirect, whether many or few. The increasing +grandeur and magnitude of the social system, the more it multiplies and +extends its victims, the more it conceals them; and for the very same +reason: just as in the Roman <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[Pg 177]</a></span>amphitheatres, when they grew to the magnitude +of mighty cities (in some instances accommodating 400,000 spectators, in +many a fifth part of that amount), births and deaths became ordinary events, +which, in a small modern theatre, are rare and memorable; and exactly as +these prodigious accidents multiplied, <i>pari passu</i>, they were disregarded +and easily concealed: for curiosity was no longer excited; the sensation +attached to them was little or none.</p> + +<p>From these terrific tragedies, which, like monsoons or tornadoes, accomplish +the work of years in an hour, not merely an impressive lesson is derived, +sometimes, perhaps, a warning, but also (and this is of universal +application) some consolation. Whatever may have been the misfortunes or the +sorrows of a man's life, he is still privileged to regard himself and his +friends as amongst the fortunate by comparison, in so far as he has escaped +these wholesale storms, either as an actor in producing them, or a +contributor to their violence—or even more innocently (though oftentimes +not less miserably)—as a participator in the instant ruin, or in the long +arrears of suffering which they entail.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The following story falls within the class of hasty tragedies, and sudden +desolations here described. The reader is assured that every incident is +strictly true: nothing, in that respect, has been altered; nor, indeed, +anywhere except in the conversations, of which, though the results and +general outline are known, the separate details have necessarily been lost +under the agitating circumstances which produced them. It has been judged +right and delicate to conceal the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[Pg 178]</a></span>name of the great city, and therefore of +the nation in which these events occurred, chiefly out of consideration for +the descendants of one person concerned in the narrative: otherwise, it +might not have been requisite: for it is proper to mention, that every +person directly a party to the case has been long laid in the grave: all of +them, with one solitary exception, upwards of fifty years.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>It was early spring in the year 17—; the day was the 6th of April; and the +weather, which had been of a wintry fierceness for the preceding six or +seven weeks—cold indeed beyond anything known for many years, gloomy for +ever, and broken by continual storms—was now by a Swedish transformation +all at once bright—genial—heavenly. So sudden and so early a prelusion of +summer, it was generally feared, could not last. But that only made +everybody the more eager to lose no hour of an enjoyment that might prove so +fleeting. It seemed as if the whole population of the place, a population +among the most numerous in Christendom, had been composed of hybernating +animals suddenly awakened by the balmy sunshine from their long winter's +torpor. Through every hour of the golden morning the streets were resonant +with female parties of young and old, the timid and the bold, nay even of +the most delicate valetudinarians, now first tempted to lay aside their +wintry clothing together with their fireside habits, whilst the whole rural +environs of our vast city, the woodlands, and the interminable meadows began +daily to re-echo the glad voices of the young and jovial awaking once again, +like the birds and the flowers, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[Pg 179]</a></span>and universal nature, to the luxurious +happiness of this most delightful season.</p> + +<p>Happiness do I say? Yes, happiness; happiness to me above all others. For I +also in those days was among the young and the gay; I was healthy; I was +strong; I was prosperous in a worldly sense! I owed no man a shilling; +feared no man's face; shunned no man's presence. I held a respectable +station in society; I was myself, let me venture to say it, respected +generally for my personal qualities, apart from any advantages I might draw +from fortune or inheritance; I had reason to think myself popular amongst +the very slender circle of my acquaintance; and finally, which perhaps was +the crowning grace to all these elements of happiness, I suffered not from +the presence of <i>ennui</i>; nor ever feared to suffer: for my temperament was +constitutionally ardent; I had a powerful animal sensibility; and I knew the +one great secret for maintaining its equipoise, viz. by powerful daily +exercise; and thus I lived in the light and presence, or (if I should not be +suspected of seeking rhetorical expressions, I would say)—in one eternal +solstice, of unclouded hope.</p> + +<p>These, you will say, were blessings; these were golden elements of felicity. +They were so; and yet, with the single exception of my healthy frame and +firm animal organisation, I feel that I have mentioned hitherto nothing but +what by comparison might be thought of a vulgar quality. All the other +advantages that I have enumerated, had they been yet wanting, might have +been acquired; had they been forfeited, might have been reconquered; had +they been even irretrievably lost, might, by a philosophic <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[Pg 180]</a></span>effort, have +been dispensed with; compensations might have been found for any of them, +many equivalents, or if not, consolations at least, for their absence. But +now it remains to speak of other blessings too mighty to be valued, not +merely as transcending in rank and dignity all other constituents of +happiness, but for a reason far sadder than that—because, once lost, they +were incapable of restoration, and because not to be dispensed with; +blessings in which 'either we must live or have no life:' lights to the +darkness of our paths and to the infirmity of our steps—which, once +extinguished, never more on this side the gates of Paradise can any man hope +to see re-illumined for himself. Amongst these I may mention an intellect, +whether powerful or not in itself, at any rate most elaborately cultivated; +and, to say the truth, I had little other business before me in this life +than to pursue this lofty and delightful task. I may add, as a blessing, not +in the same <i>positive</i> sense as that which I have just mentioned, because +not of a nature to contribute so hourly to the employment of the thoughts, +but yet in this sense equal, that the absence of either would have been an +equal affliction,—namely, a conscience void of all offence. It was little +indeed that I, drawn by no necessities of situation into temptations of that +nature, had done no injury to any man. That was fortunate; but I could not +much value myself upon what was so much an accident of my situation. +Something, however, I might pretend to beyond this <i>negative</i> merit; for I +had originally a benign nature; and, as I advanced in years and +thoughtfulness, the gratitude which possessed me for my own exceeding +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[Pg 181]</a></span>happiness led me to do that by principle and system which I had already +done upon blind impulse; and thus upon a double argument I was incapable of +turning away from the prayer of the afflicted, whatever had been the +sacrifice to myself. Hardly, perhaps, could it have been said in a +sufficient sense at that time that I was a religious man: yet undoubtedly I +had all the foundations within me upon which religion might hereafter have +grown. My heart overflowed with thankfulness to Providence: I had a natural +tone of unaffected piety; and thus far at least I might have been called a +religious man, that in the simplicity of truth I could have exclaimed,</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>'O, Abner, I fear God, and I fear none beside.'</p></div> + +<p>But wherefore seek to delay ascending by a natural climax to that final +consummation and perfect crown of my felicity—that almighty blessing which +ratified their value to all the rest? Wherefore, oh! wherefore do I shrink +in miserable weakness from——what? Is it from reviving, from calling up +again into fierce and insufferable light the images and features of a +long-buried happiness? That would be a natural shrinking and a reasonable +weakness. But how escape from reviving, whether I give it utterance or not, +that which is for ever vividly before me? What need to call into artificial +light that which, whether sleeping or waking—by night or by day—for +eight-and-thirty years has seemed by its miserable splendour to scorch my +brain? Wherefore shrink from giving language, simple vocal utterance, to +that burden of anguish which by so long an endurance has lost no atom of its +weight, nor can gain any most <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[Pg 182]</a></span>surely by the loudest publication? Need there +can be none, after this, to say that the priceless blessing, which I have +left to the final place in this ascending review, was the companion of my +life—my darling and youthful wife. Oh! dovelike woman! fated in an hour the +most defenceless to meet with the ravening vulture,—lamb fallen amongst +wolves,—trembling—fluttering fawn, whose path was inevitably to be crossed +by the bloody tiger;—angel, whose most innocent heart fitted thee for too +early a flight from this impure planet; if indeed it were a necessity that +thou shouldst find no rest for thy footing except amidst thy native heavens, +if indeed to leave what was not worthy of thee were a destiny not to be +evaded—a summons not to be put by,—yet why, why, again and again I +demand—why was it also necessary that this thy departure, so full of wo to +me, should also to thyself be heralded by the pangs of martyrdom? Sainted +love, if, like the ancient children of the Hebrews, like Meshech and +Abednego, thou wert called by divine command, whilst yet almost a child, to +walk, and to walk alone, through the fiery furnace,—wherefore then couldst +not thou, like that Meshech and that Abednego, walk unsinged by the dreadful +torment, and come forth unharmed? Why, if the sacrifice were to be total, +was it necessary to reach it by so dire a struggle? and if the cup, the +bitter cup, of final separation from those that were the light of thy eyes +and the pulse of thy heart might not be put aside,—yet wherefore was it +that thou mightst not drink it up in the natural peace which belongs to a +sinless heart?</p> + +<p>But these are murmurings, you will say, rebellious <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[Pg 183]</a></span>murmurings against the +proclamations of God. Not so: I have long since submitted myself, resigned +myself, nay even reconciled myself, perhaps, to the great wreck of my life, +in so far as it was the will of God, and according to the weakness of my +imperfect nature. But my wrath still rises, like a towering flame, against +all the earthly instruments of this ruin; I am still at times as unresigned +as ever to this tragedy, in so far as it was the work of human malice. +Vengeance, as a mission for <i>me</i>, as a task for <i>my</i> hands in particular, is +no longer possible; the thunder-bolts of retribution have been long since +launched by other hands; and yet still it happens that at times I do—I +must—I shall perhaps to the hour of death, rise in maniac fury, and seek, +in the very impotence of vindictive madness, groping as it were in blindness +of heart, for that tiger from hell-gates that tore away my darling from my +heart. Let me pause, and interrupt this painful strain, to say a word or two +upon what she was—and how far worthy of a love more honourable to her (that +was possible) and deeper (but that was not possible) than mine. When first I +saw her, she—my Agnes—was merely a child, not much (if anything) above +sixteen. But, as in perfect womanhood she retained a most childlike +expression of countenance, so even then in absolute childhood she put +forward the blossoms and the dignity of a woman. Never yet did my eye light +upon creature that was born of woman, nor could it enter my heart to +conceive one, possessing a figure more matchless in its proportions, more +statuesque, and more deliberately and advisedly to be characterised by no +adequate word but the word <i>magnificent</i> (a word too often and lightly +abused). In <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[Pg 184]</a></span>reality, speaking of women, I have seen many beautiful figures, +but hardly one except Agnes that could without hyperbole be styled truly and +memorably magnificent. Though in the first order of tall women, yet, being +full in person, and with a symmetry that was absolutely faultless, she +seemed to the random sight as little above the ordinary height. Possibly +from the dignity of her person, assisted by the dignity of her movements, a +stranger would have been disposed to call her at a distance a woman of +<i>commanding</i> presence; but never after he had approached near enough to +behold her face. Every thought of artifice—of practised effect—or of +haughty pretension, fled before the childlike innocence—the sweet feminine +timidity—and the more than cherub loveliness of that countenance, which yet +in its lineaments was noble, whilst its expression was purely gentle and +confiding. A shade of pensiveness there was about her; but <i>that</i> was in her +manners, scarcely ever in her features; and the exquisite fairness of her +complexion, enriched by the very sweetest and most delicate bloom that ever +I have beheld, should rather have allied it to a tone of cheerfulness. +Looking at this noble creature, as I first looked at her, when yet upon the +early threshold of womanhood—</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">'With household motions light and free,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">And steps of virgin liberty'—</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>you might have supposed her some Hebe or young Aurora of the dawn. When you +saw only her superb figure, and its promise of womanly development, with the +measured dignity of her step, you might for a moment have fancied her some +imperial <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[Pg 185]</a></span>Medea of the Athenian stage—some Volumnia from Rome,</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">'Or ruling bandit's wife amidst the Grecian isles.'</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>But catch one glance from her angelic countenance—and then combining the +face and the person, you would have dismissed all such fancies, and have +pronounced her a Pandora or an Eve, expressly accomplished and held forth by +nature as an exemplary model or ideal pattern for the future female sex:</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">'A perfect woman, nobly plann'd,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.2em;">To warn, to comfort, to command:</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.2em;">And yet a spirit too, and bright</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.2em;">With something of an angel light.'</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>To this superb young woman, such as I have here sketched her, I surrendered +my heart for ever, almost from my first opportunity of seeing her: for so +natural and without disguise was her character, and so winning the +simplicity of her manners, due in part to her own native dignity of mind, +and in part to the deep solitude in which she had been reared, that little +penetration was required to put me in possession of all her thoughts; and to +win her love, not very much more than to let her see, as see she could not +avoid, in connection with that chivalrous homage which at any rate was due +to her sex and her sexual perfections, a love for herself on my part, which +was in its nature as exalted a passion and as profoundly rooted as any +merely human affection can ever yet have been.</p> + +<p>On the seventeenth birthday of Agnes we were married. Oh! calendar of +everlasting months—months that, like the mighty rivers, shall flow on for +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[Pg 186]</a></span>ever, immortal as thou, Nile, or Danube, Euphrates, or St. Lawrence! and +ye, summer and winter, day and night, wherefore do you bring round +continually your signs, and seasons, and revolving hours, that still point +and barb the anguish of local recollections, telling me of this and that +celestial morning that never shall return, and of too blessed expectations, +travelling like yourselves through a heavenly zodiac of changes, till at +once and for ever they sank into the grave! Often do I think of seeking for +some quiet cell either in the Tropics or in Arctic latitudes, where the +changes of the year, and the external signs corresponding to them, express +themselves by no features like those in which the same seasons are invested +under our temperate climes: so that, if knowing, we cannot at least feel the +identity of their revolutions. We were married, I have said, on the +birthday—the seventeenth birthday—of Agnes; and pretty nearly on her +eighteenth it was that she placed me at the summit of my happiness, whilst +for herself she thus completed the circle of her relations to this life's +duties, by presenting me with a son. Of this child, knowing how wearisome to +strangers is the fond exultation of parents, I shall simply say, that he +inherited his mother's beauty; the same touching loveliness and innocence of +expression, the same chiselled nose—mouth—and chin, the same exquisite +auburn hair. In many other features, not of person merely, but also of mind +and manners, as they gradually began to open before me, this child deepened +my love to him by recalling the image of his mother; and what other image +was there that I so much wished to keep before me, whether waking or asleep? +At the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[Pg 187]</a></span>time to which I am now coming but too rapidly, this child, still our +only one, and unusually premature, was within four months of completing his +third year; consequently Agnes was at that time in her twenty-first year; +and I may here add, with respect to myself, that I was in my twenty-sixth.</p> + +<p>But before I come to that period of wo, let me say one word on the temper of +mind which so fluent and serene a current of prosperity may be thought to +have generated. Too common a course I know it is, when the stream of life +flows with absolute tranquillity, and ruffled by no menace of a breeze—the +azure overhead never dimmed by a passing cloud, that in such circumstances +the blood stagnates: life, from excess and plethora of sweets, becomes +insipid: the spirit of action droops: and it is oftentimes found at such +seasons that slight annoyances and molestations, or even misfortunes in a +lower key, are not wholly undesirable, as means of stimulating the lazy +energies, and disturbing a slumber which is, or soon will be, morbid in its +character. I have known myself cases not a few, where, by the very nicest +gradations, and by steps too silent and insensible for daily notice, the +utmost harmony and reciprocal love had shaded down into fretfulness and +petulance, purely from too easy a life, and because all nobler agitations +that might have ruffled the sensations occasionally, and all distresses even +on the narrowest scale that might have reawakened the solicitudes of love, +by opening necessities for sympathy—for counsel—or for mutual aid, had +been shut out by foresight too elaborate, or by prosperity too cloying. But +all this, had it otherwise been possible with my particular mind, and at my +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[Pg 188]</a></span>early age, was utterly precluded by one remarkable peculiarity in my +temper. Whether it were that I derived from nature some jealousy and +suspicion of all happiness which seems too perfect and unalloyed—[a spirit +of restless distrust which in ancient times often led men to throw valuable +gems into the sea, in the hope of thus propitiating the dire deity of +misfortune, by voluntarily breaking the fearful chain of prosperity, and led +some of them to weep and groan when the gems thus sacrificed were afterwards +brought back to their hands by simple fishermen, who had recovered them in +the intestines of fishes—a portentous omen, which was interpreted into a +sorrowful indication that the Deity thus answered the propitiatory appeal, +and made solemn proclamation that he had rejected it]—whether, I say, it +were this spirit of jealousy awaked in me by too steady and too profound a +felicity—or whether it were that great overthrows and calamities have some +mysterious power to send forward a dim misgiving of their advancing +footsteps, and really and indeed</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>'That in to-day already walks to-morrow;'—</p></div> + +<p>or whether it were partly, as I have already put the case in my first +supposition, a natural instinct of distrust, but irritated and enlivened by +a particular shock of superstitious alarm; which, or whether any of these +causes it were that kept me apprehensive, and on the watch for disastrous +change, I will not here undertake to determine. Too certain it is that I was +so. I never ridded myself of an over-mastering and brooding sense, shadowy +and vague, a dim abiding feeling (that sometimes was and sometimes was not +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[Pg 189]</a></span>exalted into a conscious presentiment) of some great calamity travelling +towards me; not perhaps immediately impending—perhaps even at a great +distance; but already—dating from some secret hour—already in motion upon +some remote line of approach. This feeling I could not assuage by sharing it +with Agnes. No motive could be strong enough for persuading me to +communicate so gloomy a thought with one who, considering her extreme +healthiness, was but too remarkably prone to pensive, if not to sorrowful +contemplations. And thus the obligation which I felt to silence and reserve, +strengthened the morbid impression I had received; whilst the remarkable +incident I have adverted to served powerfully to rivet the superstitious +chain which was continually gathering round me. The incident was this—and +before I repeat it, let me pledge my word of honour, that I report to you +the bare facts of the case, without exaggeration, and in the simplicity of +truth:—There was at that time resident in the great city which is the scene +of my narrative a woman, from some part of Hungary, who pretended to the +gift of looking into futurity. She had made herself known advantageously in +several of the greatest cities of Europe under the designation of the +Hungarian Prophetess; and very extraordinary instances were cited amongst +the highest circles of her success in the art which she professed. So ample +were the pecuniary tributes which she levied upon the hopes and the fears, +or the simple curiosity of the aristocracy, that she was thus able to +display not unfrequently a disinterestedness and a generosity, which seemed +native to her disposition, amongst the humbler classes of her appli<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[Pg 190]</a></span>cants; +for she rejected no addresses that were made to her, provided only they were +not expressed in levity or scorn, but with sincerity, and in a spirit of +confiding respect. It happened, on one occasion, when a nursery-servant of +ours was waiting in her anteroom for the purpose of taking her turn in +consulting the prophetess professionally, that she had witnessed a scene of +consternation and unaffected maternal grief in this Hungarian lady upon the +sudden seizure of her son, a child of four or five years old, by a spasmodic +inflammation of the throat (since called croup), peculiar to children, and +in those days not very well understood by medical men. The poor Hungarian, +who had lived chiefly in warm, or at least not damp climates, and had never +so much as heard of this complaint, was almost wild with alarm at the rapid +increase of the symptoms which attend the paroxysms, and especially of that +loud and distressing sound which marks the impeded respiration. Great, +therefore, was her joy and gratitude on finding from our servant that she +had herself been in attendance more than once upon cases of the same nature, +but very much more violent,—and that, consequently, she was well qualified +to suggest and to superintend all the measures of instant necessity, such as +the hot-bath, the peculiar medicines, &c., which are almost sure of success +when applied in an early stage. Staying to give her assistance until a +considerable improvement had taken place in the child, our servant then +hurried home to her mistress. Agnes, it may be imagined, despatched her back +with such further and more precise directions as in a very short time +availed to re-establish the child in convalescence. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[Pg 191]</a></span>These practical +services, and the messages of maternal sympathy repeatedly conveyed from +Agnes, had completely won the heart of the grateful Hungarian, and she +announced her intention of calling with her little boy, to make her personal +acknowledgments for the kindness which had been shown to her. She did so, +and we were as much impressed by the sultana-like style of her Oriental +beauty, as she, on her part, was touched and captivated by the youthful +loveliness of my angelic wife. After sitting for above an hour, during which +time she talked with a simplicity and good feeling that struck us as +remarkable in a person professing an art usually connected with so much of +conscious fraud, she rose to take her leave. I must mention that she had +previously had our little boy sitting on her knee, and had at intervals +thrown a hasty glance upon the palms of his hands. On parting, Agnes, with +her usual frankness, held out her hand. The Hungarian took it with an air of +sad solemnity, pressed it fervently, and said,—'Lady, it is my part in this +life to look behind the curtain of fate; and oftentimes I see such sights in +futurity—some near, some far off—as willingly I would <i>not</i> see. For you, +young and charming lady, looking like that angel which you are, no destiny +can be equal to your deserts. Yet sometimes, true it is, God sees not as man +sees; and He ordains, after His unfathomable counsels, to the +heavenly-minded a portion in heaven, and to the children whom He loves a +rest and a haven not built with hands. Something that I have seen dimly +warns me to look no farther. Yet, if you desire it, I will do my office, and +I will read for you with truth the lines of fate as they are written upon +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[Pg 192]</a></span>your hands.' Agnes was a little startled, or even shocked, by this solemn +address; but, in a minute or so, a mixed feeling—one half of which was +curiosity, and the other half a light-hearted mockery of her own mysterious +awe in the presence of what she had been taught to view as either fraud or +insanity—prompted her playfully to insist upon the fullest application of +the Hungarian's art to her own case; nay, she would have the hands of our +little Francis read and interpreted as well as her own, and she desired to +hear the full professional judgment delivered without suppression or +softening of its harshest awards. She laughed whilst she said all this; but +she also trembled a little. The Hungarian first took the hand of our young +child, and perused it with a long and steady scrutiny. She said nothing, but +sighed heavily as she resigned it. She then took the hand of Agnes—looked +bewildered and aghast—then gazed piteously from Agnes to her child—and at +last, bursting into tears, began to move steadily out of the room. I +followed her hastily, and remonstrated upon this conduct, by pointing her +attention to the obvious truth—that these mysterious suppressions and +insinuations, which left all shadowy and indistinct, were far more alarming +than the most definite denunciations. Her answer yet rings in my ear:—'Why +should I make myself odious to you and to your innocent wife? Messenger of +evil I am, and have been to many; but evil I will not prophesy to her. Watch +and pray! Much may be done by effectual prayer. Human means, fleshly arms, +are vain. There is an enemy in the house of life' [here she quitted her +palmistry for the language of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[Pg 193]</a></span>astrology]; 'there is a frightful danger at +hand, both for your wife and your child. Already on that dark ocean, over +which we are all sailing, I can see dimly the point at which the enemy's +course shall cross your wife's. There is but little interval remaining—not +many hours. All is finished; all is accomplished; and already he is almost +up with the darlings of your heart. Be vigilant, be vigilant, and yet look +not to yourself, but to heaven, for deliverance.'</p> + +<p>This woman was not an impostor: she spoke and uttered her oracles under a +wild sense of possession by some superior being, and of mystic compulsion to +say what she would have willingly left unsaid; and never yet, before or +since, have I seen the light of sadness settle with so solemn an expression +into human eyes as when she dropped my wife's hand, and refused to deliver +that burden of prophetic wo with which she believed herself to be inspired.</p> + +<p>The prophetess departed; and what mood of mind did she leave behind her in +Agnes and myself? Naturally there was a little drooping of spirits at first; +the solemnity and the heart-felt sincerity of fear and grief which marked +her demeanour, made it impossible, at the moment when we were just fresh +from their natural influences, that we should recoil into our ordinary +spirits. But with the inevitable elasticity of youth and youthful gaiety we +soon did so; we could not attempt to persuade ourselves that there had been +any conscious fraud or any attempt at scenical effect in the Hungarian's +conduct. She had no motive for deceiving us; she had refused all offerings +of money, and her whole visit had evidently been made under an overflow of +the most grateful feelings <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[Pg 194]</a></span>for the attentions shown to her child. We +acquitted her, therefore, of sinister intentions; and with our feelings of +jealousy, feelings in which we had been educated, towards everything that +tended to superstition, we soon agreed to think her some gentle maniac or +sad enthusiast, suffering under some form of morbid melancholy. Forty-eight +hours, with two nights' sleep, sufficed to restore the wonted equilibrium of +our spirits; and that interval brought us onwards to the 6th of April—the +day on which, as I have already said, my story properly commences.</p> + +<p>On that day, on that lovely 6th of April, such as I have described it, that +6th of April, about nine o'clock in the morning, we were seated at breakfast +near the open window—we, that is Agnes, myself, and little Francis; the +freshness of morning spirits rested upon us; the golden light of the morning +sun illuminated the room; incense was floating through the air from the +gorgeous flowers within and without the house; there in youthful happiness +we sat gathered together, a family of love, and there we never sat again. +Never again were we three gathered together, nor ever shall be, so long as +the sun and its golden light—the morning and the evening—the earth and its +flowers endure.</p> + +<p>Often have I occupied myself in recalling every circumstance the most +trivial of this the final morning of what merits to be called my life. +Eleven o'clock, I remember, was striking when Agnes came into my study, and +said that she would go into the city (for we lived in a quite rural suburb), +that she would execute some trifling commissions which she had received from +a friend in the country, and would <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[Pg 195]</a></span>be at home again between one and two for +a stroll which we had agreed to take in the neighbouring meadows. About +twenty minutes after this she again came into my study dressed for going +abroad; for such was my admiration of her, that I had a fancy—fancy it must +have been, and yet still I felt it to be real—that under every change she +looked best; if she put on a shawl, then a shawl became the most feminine of +ornaments; if she laid aside her shawl and her bonnet, then how nymph-like +she seemed in her undisguised and unadorned beauty! Full-dress seemed for +the time to be best, as bringing forward into relief the splendour of her +person, and allowing the exposure of her arms; a simple morning-dress, +again, seemed better still, as fitted to call out the childlike innocence of +her face, by confining the attention to that. But all these are feelings of +fond and blind affection, hanging with rapture over the object of something +too like idolatry. God knows, if that be a sin, I was but too profound a +sinner; yet sin it never was, sin it could not be, to adore a beauty such as +thine, my Agnes. Neither was it her beauty by itself, and that only, which I +sought at such times to admire; there was a peculiar sort of double relation +in which she stood at moments of pleasurable expectation and excitement, +since our little Francis had become of an age to join our party, which made +some aspects of her character trebly interesting. She was a wife—and wife +to one whom she looked up to as her superior in understanding and in +knowledge of the world, whom, therefore, she leaned to for protection. On +the other hand, she was also a mother. Whilst, therefore, to her child she +supported the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[Pg 196]</a></span>matronly part of guide, and the air of an experienced person; +to me she wore, ingenuously and without disguise, the part of a child +herself, with all the giddy hopes and unchastised imaginings of that buoyant +age. This double character, one aspect of which looks towards her husband +and one to her children, sits most gracefully upon many a young wife whose +heart is pure and innocent; and the collision between the two separate parts +imposed by duty on the one hand, by extreme youth on the other, the one +telling her that she is a responsible head of a family and the depository of +her husband's honour in its tenderest and most vital interests, the other +telling her, through the liveliest language of animal sensibility, and +through the very pulses of her blood, that she is herself a child; this +collision gives an inexpressible charm to the whole demeanour of many a +young married woman, making her other fascinations more touching to her +husband, and deepening the admiration she excites; and the more so, as it is +a collision which cannot exist except among the very innocent. Years, at any +rate, will irresistibly remove this peculiar charm, and gradually replace it +by the graces of the matronly character. But in Agnes this change had not +yet been effected, partly from nature, and partly from the extreme seclusion +of her life. Hitherto she still retained the unaffected expression of her +childlike nature; and so lovely in my eyes was this perfect exhibition of +natural feminine character, that she rarely or never went out alone upon any +little errand to town which might require her to rely upon her own good +sense and courage, that she did not previously come to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[Pg 197]</a></span>exhibit herself +before me. Partly this was desired by me in that lover-like feeling of +admiration already explained, which leads one to court the sight of a +beloved object under every change of dress, and under all effects of +novelty. Partly it was the interest I took in that exhibition of sweet +timidity, and almost childish apprehensiveness, half disguised or +imperfectly acknowledged by herself, which (in the way I have just +explained) so touchingly contrasted with (and for that very reason so +touchingly drew forth) her matronly character. But I hear some objector say +at this point, ought not this very timidity, founded (as in part at least it +was) upon inexperience and conscious inability to face the dangers of the +world, to have suggested reasons for not leaving her to her own protection? +And does it not argue on my part, an arrogant or too blind a confidence in +the durability of my happiness, as though charmed against assaults, and +liable to no shocks of sudden revolution? I reply that, from the very +constitution of society, and the tone of manners in the city which we +inhabited, there seemed to be a moral impossibility that any dangers of +consequence should meet her in the course of those brief absences from my +protection, which only were possible; that even to herself any dangers, of a +nature to be anticipated under the known circumstances of the case, seemed +almost imaginary; that even <i>she</i> acknowledged a propriety in being trained, +by slight and brief separations from my guardianship, to face more boldly +those cases of longer separation and of more absolute consignment to her own +resources which circumstances might arise to create necessarily, and perhaps +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[Pg 198]</a></span>abruptly. And it is evident that, had she been the wife of any man engaged +in the duties of a profession, she might have been summoned from the very +first, and without the possibility of any such gradual training, to the +necessity of relying almost singly upon her own courage and discretion. For +the other question, whether I did not depend too blindly and presumptuously +upon my good luck in not at least affording her my protection so long as +nothing occurred to make it impossible? I may reply most truly that all my +feelings ran naturally in the very opposite channel. So far from confiding +too much in my luck, in the present instance I was engaged in the task of +writing upon some points of business which could not admit of further delay; +but now, and at all times, I had a secret aversion to seeing so gentle a +creature thrown even for an hour upon her own resources, though in +situations which scarcely seemed to admit of any occasion for taxing those +resources; and often I have felt anger towards myself for what appeared to +be an irrational or effeminate timidity, and have struggled with my own mind +upon occasions like the present, when I knew that I could not have +acknowledged my tremors to a friend without something like shame, and a fear +to excite his ridicule. No; if in anything I ran into excess, it was in this +very point of anxiety as to all that regarded my wife's security. Her good +sense, her prudence, her courage (for courage she had in the midst of her +timidity), her dignity of manner, the more impressive from the childlike +character of her countenance, all should have combined to reassure me, and +yet they did not. I was still anxious for her safety to an irrational +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[Pg 199]</a></span>extent; and to sum up the whole in a most weighty line of Shakspeare, I +lived under the constant presence of a feeling which only that great +observer of human nature (so far as I am aware) has ever noticed, viz., that +merely the excess of my happiness made me jealous of its ability to last, +and in that extent less capable of enjoying it; that in fact the prelibation +of my tears, as a homage to its fragility, was drawn forth by my very sense +that my felicity was too exquisite; or, in the words of the great master—</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>'I wept to have' [absolutely, by anticipation, shed tears in +possessing] 'what I so feared to lose.'</p></div> + +<p>Thus end my explanations, and I now pursue my narrative: Agnes, as I have +said, came into my room again before leaving the house—we conversed for +five minutes—we parted—she went out—her last words being that she would +return at half-past one o'clock; and not long after that time, if ever mimic +bells—bells of rejoicing, or bells of mourning, are heard in desert spaces +of the air, and (as some have said), in unreal worlds, that mock our own, +and repeat, for ridicule, the vain and unprofitable motions of man, then too +surely, about this hour, began to toll the funeral knell of my earthly +happiness—its final hour had sounded.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>One o'clock had arrived; fifteen minutes after, I strolled into the garden, +and began to look over the little garden-gate in expectation of every moment +descrying Agnes in the distance. Half an hour passed, and for ten minutes +more I was tolerably quiet. From this time till half-past two I became +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[Pg 200]</a></span>constantly more agitated—<i>agitated</i>, perhaps, is too strong a word—but I +was restless and anxious beyond what I should have chosen to acknowledge. +Still I kept arguing, What is half an hour?—what is an hour? A thousand +things might have occurred to cause that delay, without needing to suppose +any accident; or, if an accident, why not a very trifling one? She may have +slightly hurt her foot—she may have slightly sprained her ankle. 'Oh, +doubtless,' I exclaimed to myself, 'it will be a mere trifle, or perhaps +nothing at all.' But I remember that, even whilst I was saying this, I took +my hat and walked with nervous haste into the little quiet lane upon which +our garden-gate opened. The lane led by a few turnings, and after a course +of about five hundred yards, into a broad high-road, which even at that day +had begun to assume the character of a street, and allowed an unobstructed +range of view in the direction of the city for at least a mile. Here I +stationed myself, for the air was so clear that I could distinguish dress +and figure to a much greater distance than usual. Even on such a day, +however, the remote distance was hazy and indistinct, and at any other +season I should have been diverted with the various mistakes I made. From +occasional combinations of colour, modified by light and shade, and of +course powerfully assisted by the creative state of the eye under this +nervous apprehensiveness, I continued to shape into images of Agnes forms +without end, that upon nearer approach presented the most grotesque +contrasts to her impressive appearance. But I had ceased even to comprehend +the ludicrous; my agitation was now so overruling and engrossing <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[Pg 201]</a></span>that I +lost even my intellectual sense of it; and now first I understood +practically and feelingly the anguish of hope alternating with +disappointment, as it may be supposed to act upon the poor shipwrecked +seaman, alone and upon a desolate coast, straining his sight for ever to the +fickle element which has betrayed him, but which only can deliver him, and +with his eyes still tracing in the far distance</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">'Ships, dim-discover'd, dropping from the clouds,'—</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>which a brief interval of suspense still for ever disperses into hollow +pageants of air or vapour. One deception melted away only to be succeeded by +another; still I fancied that at last to a certainty I could descry the tall +figure of Agnes, her gipsy hat, and even the peculiar elegance of her walk. +Often I went so far as to laugh at myself, and even to tax my recent fears +with unmanliness and effeminacy, on recollecting the audible throbbings of +my heart, and the nervous palpitations which had besieged me; but these +symptoms, whether effeminate or not, began to come back tumultuously under +the gloomy doubts that succeeded almost before I had uttered this +self-reproach. Still I found myself mocked and deluded with false hopes; yet +still I renewed my quick walk, and the intensity of my watch for that +radiant form that was fated never more to be seen returning from the cruel +city.</p> + +<p>It was nearly half-past three, and therefore close upon two hours beyond the +time fixed by Agnes for her return, when I became absolutely incapable of +supporting the further torture of suspense, and I suddenly took the +resolution of returning home and concerting with my female servants some +energetic <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[Pg 202]</a></span>measures, though <i>what</i> I could hardly say, on behalf of their +mistress. On entering the garden-gate I met our little child Francis, who +unconsciously inflicted a pang upon me which he neither could have meditated +nor have understood. I passed him at his play, perhaps even unaware of his +presence, but he recalled me to that perception by crying aloud that he had +just seen his mamma.</p> + +<p>'When—where?' I asked convulsively.</p> + +<p>'Up-stairs in her bedroom,' was his instantaneous answer.</p> + +<p>His manner was such as forbade me to suppose that he could be joking; and, +as it was barely possible (though, for reasons well-known to me, in the +highest degree improbable), that Agnes might have returned by a by-path, +which, leading through a dangerous and disreputable suburb, would not have +coincided at any one point with the public road where I had been keeping my +station. I sprang forward into the house, up-stairs, and in rapid succession +into every room where it was likely that she might be found; but everywhere +there was a dead silence, disturbed only by myself, for, in my growing +confusion of thought, I believe that I rang the bell violently in every room +I entered. No such summons, however, was needed, for the servants, two of +whom at the least were most faithful creatures, and devotedly attached to +their young mistress, stood ready of themselves to come and make inquiries +of me as soon as they became aware of the alarming fact that I had returned +without her.</p> + +<p>Until this moment, though having some private reasons for surprise that she +should have failed to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[Pg 203]</a></span>come into the house for a minute or two at the hour +prefixed, in order to make some promised domestic arrangements for the day, +they had taken it for granted that she must have met with me at some +distance from home—and that either the extreme beauty of the day had +beguiled her of all petty household recollections, or (as a conjecture more +in harmony with past experiences) that my impatience and solicitations had +persuaded her to lay aside her own plans for the moment at the risk of some +little domestic inconvenience. Now, however, in a single instant vanished +<i>every</i> mode of accounting for their mistress's absence; and the +consternation of our looks communicated contagiously, by the most unerring +of all languages, from each to the other what thoughts were uppermost in our +panic-stricken hearts. If to any person it should seem that our alarm was +disproportioned to the occasion, and not justified at least by anything as +yet made known to us, let that person consider the weight due to the two +following facts—first, that from the recency of our settlement in this +neighbourhood, and from the extreme seclusion of my wife's previous life at +a vast distance from the metropolis, she had positively no friends on her +list of visitors who resided in this great capital; secondly, and far above +all beside, let him remember the awful denunciations, so unexpectedly +tallying with this alarming and mysterious absence, of the Hungarian +prophetess; these had been slighted—almost dismissed from our thoughts; but +now in sudden reaction they came back upon us with a frightful power to +lacerate and to sting—the shadowy outline of a spiritual agency, such as +that which could at all predict the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[Pg 204]</a></span>events, combining in one mysterious +effect, with the shadowy outline of those very predictions. The power, that +could have predicted, was as dim and as hard to grasp as was the precise +nature of the evil that had been predicted.</p> + +<p>An icy terror froze my blood at this moment when I looked at the significant +glances, too easily understood by me, that were exchanged between the +servants. My mouth had been for the last two hours growing more and more +parched, so that at present, from mere want of moisture, I could not +separate my lips to speak. One of the women saw the vain efforts I was +making, and hastily brought me a glass of water. With the first recovery of +speech, I asked them what little Francis had meant by saying that he had +seen his mother in her bedroom. Their reply was—that they were as much at a +loss to discover his meaning as I was; that he had made the same assertion +to them, and with so much earnestness, that they had, all in succession, +gone up-stairs to look for her, and with the fullest expectation of finding +her. This was a mystery which remained such to the very last; there was no +doubt whatsoever that the child believed himself to have seen his mother; +that he could not have seen her in her human bodily presence, there is as +little doubt as there is, alas! that in this world he never <i>did</i> see her +again. The poor child constantly adhered to his story, and with a +circumstantiality far beyond all power of invention that could be presumed +in an artless infant. Every attempt at puzzling him or entangling him in +contradictions by means of cross-examination was but labour thrown away; +though, indeed, it is true <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[Pg 205]</a></span>enough that for those attempts, as will soon be +seen, there was but a brief interval allowed.</p> + +<p>Not dwelling upon this subject at present, I turned to Hannah—a woman who +held the nominal office of cook in our little establishment, but whose real +duties had been much more about her mistress's person—and with a searching +look of appeal I asked her whether, in this moment of trial, when (as she +might see) I was not so perfectly master of myself as perhaps always to +depend upon seeing what was best to be done, she would consent to accompany +me into the city, and take upon herself those obvious considerations of +policy or prudence which might but too easily escape my mind, darkened, and +likely to be darkened, as to its power of discernment by the hurricane of +affliction now too probably at hand. She answered my appeal with the fervour +I expected from what I had already known of her character. She was a woman +of a strong, fiery, perhaps I might say of heroic mind, supported by a +courage that was absolutely indomitable, and by a strength of bodily frame +very unusual in a woman, and beyond the promise even of her person. She had +suffered as deep a wrench in her own affections as a human being can suffer; +she had lost her one sole child, a fair-haired boy of most striking beauty +and interesting disposition, at the age of seventeen, and by the worst of +all possible fates; he lived (as we did at that time) in a large commercial +city overflowing with profligacy, and with temptations of every order; he +had been led astray; culpable he had been, but by very much the least +culpable of the set into which accident had thrown him, as regarded acts and +probable intentions; <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[Pg 206]</a></span>and as regarded palliations from childish years, from +total inexperience, or any other alleviating circumstances that could be +urged, having everything to plead—and of all his accomplices the only one +who had anything to plead. Interest, however, he had little or none; and +whilst some hoary villains of the party, who happened to be more powerfully +befriended, were finally allowed to escape with a punishment little more +than nominal, he and two others were selected as sacrifices to the offended +laws. They suffered capitally. All three behaved well; but the poor boy in +particular, with a courage, a resignation, and a meekness, so distinguished +and beyond his years as to attract the admiration and the liveliest sympathy +of the public universally. If strangers could feel in that way, if the mere +hardened executioner could be melted at the final scene,—it may be judged +to what a fierce and terrific height would ascend the affliction of a +doating mother, constitutionally too fervid in her affections. I have heard +an official person declare, that the spectacle of her desolation and frantic +anguish was the most frightful thing he had ever witnessed, and so harrowing +to the feelings, that all who could by their rank venture upon such an +irregularity, absented themselves during the critical period from the office +which corresponded with the government; for, as I have said, the affair took +place in a large provincial city, at a great distance from the capital. All +who knew this woman, or who were witnesses to the alteration which one +fortnight had wrought in her person as well as her demeanour, fancied it +impossible that she could continue to live; or that, if she did, it must be +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[Pg 207]</a></span>through the giving way of her reason. They proved, however, to be mistaken; +or, at least, if (as some thought) her reason did suffer in some degree, +this result showed itself in the inequality of her temper, in moody fits of +abstraction, and the morbid energy of her manner at times under the absence +of all adequate external excitement, rather than in any positive and +apparent hallucinations of thought. The charm which had mainly carried off +the instant danger to her faculties, was doubtless the intense sympathy +which she met with. And in these offices of consolation my wife stood +foremost. For, and that was fortunate, she had found herself able, without +violence to her own sincerest opinions in the case, to offer precisely that +form of sympathy which was most soothing to the angry irritation of the poor +mother; not only had she shown a <i>direct</i> interest in the boy, and not a +mere interest of <i>reflection</i> from that which she took in the mother, and +had expressed it by visits to his dungeon, and by every sort of attention to +his comforts which his case called for, or the prison regulations allowed; +not only had she wept with the distracted woman as if for a brother of her +own; but, which went farther than all the rest in softening the mother's +heart, she had loudly and indignantly proclaimed her belief in the boy's +innocence, and in the same tone her sense of the crying injustice committed +as to the selection of the victims, and the proportion of the punishment +awarded. Others, in the language of a great poet,</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">'Had pitied <i>her</i> and not her grief;'</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>they had either not been able to see, or, from carelessness, had neglected +to see, any peculiar wrong done <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[Pg 208]</a></span>to her in the matter which occasioned her +grief,—but had simply felt compassion for her as for one summoned, in a +regular course of providential and human dispensation, to face an +affliction, heavy in itself, but not heavy from any special defect of +equity. Consequently their very sympathy, being so much built upon the +assumption that an only child had offended to the extent implied in his +sentence, oftentimes clothed itself in expressions which she felt to be not +consolations but insults, and, in fact, so many justifications of those whom +it relieved her overcharged heart to regard as the very worst of enemies. +Agnes, on the other hand, took the very same view of the case as herself; +and, though otherwise the gentlest of all gentle creatures, yet here, from +the generous fervour of her reverence for justice, and her abhorrence of +oppression, she gave herself no trouble to moderate the energy of her +language: nor did I, on my part, feeling that substantially she was in the +right, think it of importance to dispute about the exact degrees of the +wrong done or the indignation due to it. In this way it happened naturally +enough that at one and the same time, though little contemplating either of +these results, Agnes had done a prodigious service to the poor desolate +mother by breaking the force of her misery, as well as by arming the active +agencies of indignation against the depressing ones of solitary grief, and +for herself had won a most grateful and devoted friend, who would have gone +through fire and water to serve her, and was thenceforwards most anxious for +some opportunity to testify how deep had been her sense of the goodness +shown to her by her benign young mistress, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[Pg 209]</a></span>and how incapable of suffering +abatement by time. It remains to add, which I have slightly noticed before, +that this woman was of unusual personal strength: her bodily frame matched +with her intellectual: and I notice this <i>now</i> with the more emphasis, +because I am coming rapidly upon ground where it will be seen that this one +qualification was of more summary importance to us—did us more 'yeoman's +service' at a crisis the most awful—than other qualities of greater name +and pretension. <i>Hannah</i> was this woman's Christian name; and her name and +her memory are to me amongst the most hallowed of my earthly recollections.</p> + +<p>One of her two fellow-servants, known technically amongst us as the +'parlour-maid,' was also, but not equally, attached to her mistress; and +merely because her nature, less powerfully formed and endowed, did not allow +her to entertain or to comprehend any service equally fervid of passion or +of impassioned action. She, however, was good, affectionate, and worthy to +be trusted. But a third there was, a nursery-maid, and therefore more +naturally and more immediately standing within the confidence of her +mistress—her I could not trust: her I suspected. But of that hereafter. +Meantime, Hannah—she upon whom I leaned as upon a staff in all which +respected her mistress, ran up-stairs, after I had spoken and received her +answer, in order hastily to dress and prepare herself for going out along +with me to the city. I did not ask her to be quick in her movements: I knew +there was no need: and, whilst she was absent, I took up, in one of my +fretful movements of nervousness, a book which was lying upon a side <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[Pg 210]</a></span>table: +the book fell open of itself at a particular page; and in that, perhaps, +there was nothing extraordinary; for it was a little portable edition of +<i>Paradise Lost</i>; and the page was one which I must naturally have turned to +many a time: for to Agnes I had read all the great masters of literature, +especially those of modern times; so that few people knew the high classics +more familiarly: and as to the passage in question, from its divine beauty I +had read it aloud to her, perhaps, on fifty separate occasions. All this I +mention to take away any appearance of a vulgar attempt to create omens; but +still, in the very act of confessing the simple truth, and thus weakening +the marvellous character of the anecdote, I must notice it as a strange +instance of the '<i>Sortes Miltonianæ</i>'—that precisely at such a moment as +this I should find thrown in my way, should feel tempted to take up, and +should open, a volume containing such a passage as the following: and +observe, moreover, that although the volume, <i>once being taken up</i>, would +naturally open where it had been most frequently read, there were, however, +many passages which had been read <i>as</i> frequently—or more so. The +particular passage upon which I opened at this moment was that most +beautiful one in which the fatal morning separation is described between +Adam and his bride—that separation so pregnant with wo, which eventually +proved the occasion of the mortal transgression—the last scene between our +first parents at which both were innocent and both were happy—although the +superior intellect already felt, and, in the slight altercation preceding +this separation, had already expressed a dim misgiving <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[Pg 211]</a></span>of some coming +change: these are the words, and in depth of pathos they have rarely been +approached:—</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">'Oft he to her his charge of quick return</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.2em;">Repeated; she to him as oft engag'd</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.2em;">To be returned by noon amid the bow'r,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.2em;">And all things in best order to invite</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.2em;">Noon-tide repast, or afternoon's repose.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.2em;">Oh much deceived, much failing, hapless Eve!</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.2em;">Of thy presumed return, event perverse!</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.2em;">Thou never from that hour in Paradise</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.2em;">Found'st either sweet repast, or sound repose.'</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>'<i>My</i> Eve!' I exclaimed, 'partner in <i>my</i> paradise, where art thou? <i>Much +failing</i> thou wilt not be found, nor <i>much deceived</i>; innocent in any case +thou art; but, alas! too surely by this time <i>hapless</i>, and the victim of +some diabolic wickedness.' Thus I murmured to myself; thus I ejaculated; +thus I apostrophised my Agnes; then again came a stormier mood. I could not +sit still; I could not stand in quiet; I threw the book from me with +violence against the wall; I began to hurry backwards and forwards in a +short uneasy walk, when suddenly a sound, a step; it was the sound of the +garden-gate opening, followed by a hasty tread. Whose tread! Not for a +moment could it be fancied the oread step which belonged to that daughter of +the hills—my wife, my Agnes; no, it was the dull massy tread of a man: and +immediately there came a loud blow upon the door, and in the next moment, +the bell having been found, a furious peal of ringing. Oh coward heart! not +for a lease of immortality could I have gone forwards myself. My breath +failed me; an interval came in which respiration seemed to be stifled—the +blood to halt in its current; and then and there I recognised in myself <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[Pg 212]</a></span>the +force and living truth of that Scriptural description of a heart consciously +beset by evil without escape: 'Susannah <i>sighed</i>.' Yes, a long long sigh—a +deep deep sigh—that is the natural language by which the overcharged heart +utters forth the wo that else would break it. I sighed—oh how profoundly! +But that did not give me power to move. Who will go to the door? I whispered +audibly. Who is at the door? was the inaudible whisper of my heart. Then +might be seen the characteristic differences of the three women. That one, +whom I suspected, I heard raising an upper window to look out and +reconnoitre. The affectionate Rachael, on the other hand, ran eagerly +down-stairs; but Hannah, half dressed, even her bosom exposed, passed her +like a storm; and before I heard any sound of opening a door, I saw from the +spot where I stood the door already wide open, and a man in the costume of a +policeman. All that he said I could not hear; but this I heard—that I was +wanted at the police office, and had better come off without delay. He +seemed then to get a glimpse of me, and to make an effort towards coming +nearer; but I slunk away, and left to Hannah the task of drawing from him +any circumstances which he might know. But apparently there was not much to +tell, or rather, said I, there is too much, the <i>much</i> absorbs the <i>many</i>; +some one mighty evil transcends and quells all particulars. At length the +door was closed, and the man was gone. Hannah crept slowly along the +passage, and looked in hesitatingly. Her very movements and stealthy pace +testified that she had heard nothing which, even by comparison, she could +think good news. 'Tell me <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[Pg 213]</a></span>not now, Hannah,' I said; 'wait till we are in +the open air.' She went up-stairs again. How short seemed the time till she +descended!—how I longed for further respite! 'Hannah!' I said at length +when we were fairly moving upon the road, 'Hannah! I am too sure you have +nothing good to tell. But now tell me the worst, and let that be in the +fewest words possible.'</p> + +<p>'Sir,' she said, 'we had better wait until we reach the office; for really I +could not understand the man. He says that my mistress is detained upon some +charge; but <i>what</i>, I could not at all make out. He was a man that knew +something of you, sir, I believe, and he wished to be civil, and kept +saying, "Oh! I dare say it will turn out nothing at all, many such charges +are made idly and carelessly, and some maliciously." "But what charges?" I +cried, and then he wanted to speak privately to you. But I told him that of +all persons he must not speak to you, if he had anything painful to tell; +for that you were too much disturbed already, and had been for some hours, +out of anxiety and terror about my mistress, to bear much more. So, when he +heard that, he was less willing to speak freely than before. He might prove +wrong, he said; he might give offence; things might turn out far otherwise +than according to first appearances; for his part, he could not believe +anything amiss of so sweet a lady. And alter all it would be better to wait +till we reached the office.'</p> + +<p>Thus much then was clear—Agnes was under some accusation. This was already +worse than the worst I had anticipated. 'And then,' said I, thinking <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[Pg 214]</a></span>aloud +to Hannah, 'one of two things is apparent to me; either the accusation is +one of pure hellish malice, without a colour of probability or the shadow of +a foundation, and that way, alas! I am driven in my fears by that Hungarian +woman's prophecy; or, which but for my desponding heart I should be more +inclined to think, the charge has grown out of my poor wife's rustic +ignorance as to the usages then recently established by law with regard to +the kind of money that could be legally tendered. This, however, was a +suggestion that did not tend to alleviate my anxiety; and my nervousness had +mounted to a painful, almost to a disabling degree, by the time we reached +the office. Already on our road thither some parties had passed us who were +conversing with eagerness upon the case: so much we collected from the many +and ardent expressions about 'the lady's beauty,' though the rest of such +words as we could catch were ill calculated to relieve my suspense. This, +then, at least, was certain—that my poor timid Agnes had already been +exhibited before a tumultuous crowd; that her name and reputation had gone +forth as a subject of discussion for the public; and that the domestic +seclusion and privacy within which it was her matronly privilege to move had +already undergone a rude violation.</p> + +<p>The office, and all the purlieus of the office, were occupied by a dense +crowd. That, perhaps, was always the case, more or less, at this time of +day; but at present the crowd was manifestly possessed by a more than +ordinary interest; and there was a unity in this possessing interest; all +were talking on the same subject, the case in which Agnes had so re<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[Pg 215]</a></span>cently +appeared in some character or other; and by this time it became but too +certain in the character of an accused person. Pity was the prevailing +sentiment amongst the mob; but the opinions varied much as to the probable +criminality of the prisoner. I made my way into the office. The presiding +magistrates had all retired for the afternoon, and would not reassemble +until eight o'clock in the evening. Some clerks only or officers of the +court remained, who were too much harassed by applications for various forms +and papers connected with the routine of public business, and by other +official duties which required signatures or attestations, to find much +leisure for answering individual questions. Some, however, listened with a +marked air of attention to my earnest request for the circumstantial details +of the case, but finally referred me to a vast folio volume, in which were +entered all the charges, of whatever nature, involving any serious +tendency—in fact, all that exceeded a misdemeanour—in the regular +chronological succession according to which they came before the magistrate. +Here, in this vast calendar of guilt and misery, amidst the <i>aliases</i> or +cant designations of ruffians—prostitutes—felons, stood the description, +at full length, Christian and surnames all properly registered, of my +Agnes—of her whose very name had always sounded to my ears like the very +echo of mountain innocence, purity, and pastoral simplicity. Here in another +column stood the name and residence of her accuser. I shall call him +<i>Barratt</i>, for that was amongst his names, and a name by which he had at one +period of his infamous life been known to the public, though not his +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[Pg 216]</a></span>principal name, or the one which he had thought fit to assume at this era. +James Barratt, then, as I shall here call him, was a haberdasher—keeping a +large and conspicuous shop in a very crowded and what was then considered a +fashionable part of the city. The charge was plain and short. Did I live to +read it? It accused Agnes M—— of having on that morning secreted in her +muff, and feloniously carried away, a valuable piece of Mechlin lace, the +property of James Barratt. And the result of the first examination was thus +communicated in a separate column, written in red ink—'Remanded to the +second day after to-morrow for final examination.' Everything in this +sin-polluted register was in manuscript; but at night the records of each +day were regularly transferred to a printed journal, enlarged by comments +and explanatory descriptions from some one of the clerks, whose province it +was to furnish this intelligence to the public journals. On that same night, +therefore, would go forth to the world such an account of the case, and such +a description of my wife's person, as would inevitably summon to the next +exhibition of her misery, as by special invitation and advertisement, the +whole world of this vast metropolis—the idle, the curious, the brutal, the +hardened amateur in spectacles of wo, and the benign philanthropist who +frequents such scenes with the purpose of carrying alleviation to their +afflictions. All alike, whatever might be their motives or the spirit of +their actions, would rush (as to some grand festival of curiosity and +sentimental luxury) to this public martyrdom of my innocent wife.</p> + +<p>Meantime, what was the first thing to be done? <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[Pg 217]</a></span>Manifestly, to see Agnes: +her account of the affair might suggest the steps to be taken. Prudence, +therefore, at any rate, prescribed this course; and my heart would not have +tolerated any other. I applied, therefore, at once, for information as to +the proper mode of effecting this purpose without delay. What was my horror +at learning that, by a recent regulation of all the police offices, under +the direction of the public minister who presided over that department of +the national administration, no person could be admitted to an interview +with any accused party during the progress of the official examinations—or, +in fact, until the final committal of the prisoner for trial. This rule was +supposed to be attended by great public advantages, and had rarely been +relaxed—never, indeed, without a special interposition of the police +minister authorising its suspension. But was the exclusion absolute and +universal? Might not, at least, a female servant, simply as the bearer of +such articles as were indispensable to female delicacy and comfort, have +access to her mistress? No; the exclusion was total and unconditional. To +argue the point was manifestly idle; the subordinate officers had no +discretion in the matter; nor, in fact, had any other official person, +whatever were his rank, except the supreme one; and to him I neither had any +obvious means of introduction, nor (in case of obtaining such an +introduction) any chance of success; for the spirit of the rule, I foresaw +it would be answered, applied with especial force to cases like the present.</p> + +<p>Mere human feelings of pity, sympathy with my too visible agitation, +superadded to something of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[Pg 218]</a></span>perhaps reverence for the blighting misery that +was now opening its artillery upon me—for misery has a privilege, and +everywhere is felt to be a holy thing—had combined to procure for me some +attention and some indulgence hitherto. Answers had been given with +precision, explanations made at length, and anxiety shown to satisfy my +inquiries. But this could not last; the inexorable necessities of public +business coming back in a torrent upon the official people after this +momentary interruption, forbade them to indulge any further consideration +for an individual case, and I saw that I must not stay any longer. I was +rapidly coming to be regarded as a hindrance to the movement of public +affairs; and the recollection that I might again have occasion for some +appeal to these men in their official characters, admonished me not to abuse +my privilege of the moment. After returning thanks, therefore, for the +disposition shown to oblige me, I retired.</p> + +<p>Slowly did I and Hannah retrace our steps. Hannah sustained, in the tone of +her spirits, by the extremity of her anger, a mood of feeling which I did +not share. Indignation was to her in the stead of consolation and hope. I, +for my part, could not seek even a momentary shelter from my tempestuous +affliction in that temper of mind. The man who could accuse my Agnes, and +accuse her of such a crime, I felt to be a monster; and in my thoughts he +was already doomed to a bloody atonement (atonement! alas! what atonement!) +whenever the time arrived that <i>her</i> cause would not be prejudiced, or the +current of public feeling made to turn in his favour by investing him with +the semblance of an <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[Pg 219]</a></span>injured or suffering person. So much was settled in my +thoughts with the stern serenity of a decree issuing from a judgment-seat. +But that gave no relief, no shadow of relief, to the misery which was now +consuming me. Here was an end, in one hour, to the happiness of a life. In +one hour it had given way, root and branch—had melted like so much +frost-work, or a pageant of vapoury exhalations. In a moment, in the +twinkling of an eye, and yet for ever and ever, I comprehended the total +ruin of my situation. The case, as others might think, was yet in suspense; +and there was room enough for very rational hopes, especially where there +was an absolute certainty of innocence. Total freedom from all doubt on that +point seemed to justify almost more than hopes. This might be said, and most +people would have been more or less consoled by it. I was not. I felt as +certain, as irredeemably, as hopelessly certain of the final results as +though I had seen the record in the books of heaven. 'Hope nothing,' I said +to myself; 'think not of hope in this world, but think only how best to walk +steadily, and not to reel like a creature wanting discourse of reason, or +incapable of religious hopes under the burden which it has pleased God to +impose, and which in this life cannot be shaken off. The countenance of man +is made to look upward and to the skies. Thither also point henceforwards +your heart and your thoughts. Never again let your thoughts travel +earthwards. Settle them on the heavens, to which your Agnes is already +summoned. The call is clear, and not to be mistaken. Little in <i>her</i> fate +now depends upon you, or upon anything that man can do. Look, therefore, to +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[Pg 220]</a></span>yourself; see that you make not shipwreck of your heavenly freight because +your earthly freight is lost; and miss not, by any acts of wild and +presumptuous despair, that final reunion with your Agnes, which can only be +descried through vistas that open through the heavens.'</p> + +<p>Such were the thoughts, thoughts often made audible, which came +spontaneously like oracles from afar, as I strode homewards with Hannah by +my side. Her, meantime, I seemed to hear; for at times I seemed and I +intended to answer her. But answer her I did not; for not ten words of all +that she said did I really and consciously hear. How I went through that +night is more entirely a blank in my memory, more entirely a chapter of +chaos and the confusion of chaos, than any other passage the most impressive +in my life. If I even slumbered for a moment, as at intervals I did +sometimes, though never sitting down, but standing or pacing about +throughout the night, and if in this way I attained a momentary respite from +self-consciousness, no sooner had I reached this enviable state of oblivion, +than some internal sting of irritation as rapidly dispersed the whole fickle +fabric of sleep; and as if the momentary trance—this fugitive beguilement +of my wo—had been conceded by a demon's subtle malice only with the purpose +of barbing the pang, by thus forcing it into a stronger relief through the +insidious peace preceding it. It is a well-known and most familiar +experience to all the sons and daughters of affliction, that under no +circumstances is the piercing, lancinating torment of a recent calamity felt +so keenly as in the first moments of awaking in the morning from <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[Pg 221]</a></span>the +night's slumbers. Just at the very instant when the clouds of sleep, and the +whole fantastic illusions of dreaminess are dispersing, just as the +realities of life are re-assuming their steadfast forms—re-shaping +themselves—and settling anew into those fixed relations which they are to +preserve throughout the waking hours; in that particular crisis of +transition from the unreal to the real, the wo which besieges the brain and +the life-springs at the heart rushes in afresh amongst the other crowd of +realities, and has at the moment of restoration literally the force and +liveliness of a new birth—the very same pang, and no whit feebler, as that +which belonged to it when it was first made known. From the total hush of +oblivion which had buried it and sealed it up, as it were, during the +sleeping hours, it starts into sudden life on our first awaking, and is to +all intents and purposes a new and not an old affliction—one which brings +with it the old original shock which attended its first annunciation.</p> + +<p>That night—that first night of separation from my wife—<i>how</i> it passed, I +know not; I know only <i>that</i> it passed, I being in our common bedchamber, +that holiest of all temples that are consecrated to human attachments +whenever the heart is pure of man and woman and the love is strong—I being +in that bedchamber, once the temple now the sepulchre of our happiness,—I +there, and my wife—my innocent wife—in a dungeon. As the morning light +began to break, somebody knocked at the door; it was Hannah; she took my +hand—misery levels all feeble distinctions of station, sex, age—she +noticed my excessive feverishness, and gravely remonstrated with <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[Pg 222]</a></span>me upon +the necessity there was that I should maintain as much health as possible +for the sake of 'others,' if not for myself. She then brought me some tea, +which refreshed me greatly; for I had tasted nothing at all beyond a little +water since the preceding morning's breakfast. This refreshment seemed to +relax and thaw the stiff frozen state of cheerless, rayless despair in which +I had passed the night; I became susceptible of consolation—that +consolation which lies involved in kindness and gentleness of manner—if not +susceptible more than before of any positive hope. I sat down; and, having +no witnesses to my weakness but this kind and faithful woman, I wept, and I +found a relief in tears; and she, with the ready sympathy of woman, wept +along with me. All at once she ventured upon the circumstances (so far as +she had been able to collect them from the reports of those who had been +present at the examination) of our calamity. There was little indeed either +to excite or to gratify any interest or curiosity separate from the +<i>personal</i> interest inevitably connected with a case to which there were two +such parties as a brutal, sensual, degraded ruffian, on one side in +character of accuser, and on the other as defendant, a meek angel of a +woman, timid and fainting from the horrors of her situation, and under the +licentious gaze of the crowd—yet, at the same time, bold in conscious +innocence, and in the very teeth of the suspicions which beset her, winning +the good opinion, as well as the good wishes of all who saw her. There had +been at this first examination little for her to say beyond the assigning +her name, age, and place of abode; and here it was fortunate that <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[Pg 223]</a></span>her own +excellent good sense concurred with her perfect integrity and intuitive +hatred of all indirect or crooked courses in prompting her to an undisguised +statement of the simple truth, without a momentary hesitation or attempt +either at evasion or suppression. With equally good intentions in similar +situations many a woman has seriously injured her cause by slight evasions +of the entire truth, where nevertheless her only purpose has been the +natural and ingenuous one of seeking to save the reputation untainted of a +name which she felt to have been confided to her keeping. The purpose was an +honourable one, but erroneously pursued. Agnes fell into no such error. She +answered calmly, simply, and truly, to every question put by the +magistrates; and beyond <i>that</i> there was little opportunity for her to +speak; the whole business of this preliminary examination being confined to +the deposition of the accuser as to the circumstances under which he alleged +the act of felonious appropriation to have taken place. These circumstances +were perfectly uninteresting, considered in themselves; but amongst them was +one which to us had the most shocking interest, from the absolute proof thus +furnished of a deep-laid plot against Agnes. But for this one circumstance +there would have been a possibility that the whole had originated in +error—error growing out of and acting upon a nature originally suspicious, +and confirmed perhaps by an unfortunate experience. And in proportion as +that was possible, the chances increased that the accuser might, as the +examinations advanced, and the winning character of the accused party began +to develop itself, begin to see his error, and to retract his own +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[Pg 224]</a></span>over-hasty suspicions. But now we saw at a glance that for this hope there +was no countenance whatever, since one solitary circumstance sufficed to +establish a conspiracy. The deposition bore—that the lace had been secreted +and afterwards detected in a muff; now it was a fact as well-known to both +of us as the fact of Agnes having gone out at all—that she had laid aside +her winter's dress for the first time on this genial sunny day. Muff she had +not at the time, nor could have had appropriately from the style of her +costume in other respects. What was the effect upon us of this remarkable +discovery! Of course there died at once the hope of any abandonment by the +prosecutor of his purpose; because here was proof of a predetermined plot. +This hope died at once; but then, as it was one which never had presented +itself to my mind, I lost nothing by which I had ever been solaced. On the +other hand, it will be obvious that a new hope at the same time arose to +take its place, viz., the reasonable one that by this single detection, if +once established, we might raise a strong presumption of conspiracy, and +moreover that, as a leading fact or clue, it might serve to guide us in +detecting others. Hannah was sanguine in this expectation; and for a moment +her hopes were contagiously exciting to mine. But the hideous despondency +which in my mind had settled upon the whole affair from the very first, the +superstitious presentiment I had of a total blight brooding over the entire +harvest of my life and its promises (tracing itself originally, I am almost +ashamed to own, up to that prediction of the Hungarian woman)—denied me +steady light, anything—all in short but a wandering <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[Pg 225]</a></span>ray of hope. It was +right, of course, nay, indispensable, that the circumstance of the muff +should be strongly insisted upon at the next examination, pressed against +the prosecutor, and sifted to the uttermost. An able lawyer would turn this +to a triumphant account; and it would be admirable as a means of +pre-engaging the good opinion as well as the sympathies of the public in +behalf of the prisoner. But, for its final effect—my conviction remained, +not to be shaken, that all would be useless; that our doom had gone forth, +and was irrevocable.</p> + +<p>Let me not linger too much over those sad times. Morning came on as usual; +for it is strange, but true, that to the very wretched it seems wonderful +that times and seasons should keep their appointed courses in the midst of +such mighty overthrows and such interruption to the courses of their own +wonted happiness and their habitual expectations. Why should morning and +night, why should all movements in the natural world be so regular, whilst +in the moral world all is so irregular and anomalous? Yet the sun and the +moon rise and set as usual upon the mightiest revolutions of empire and of +worldly fortune that this planet ever beholds; and it is sometimes even a +comfort to know that this will be the case. A great criminal, sentenced to +an agonising punishment, has derived a fortitude and a consolation from +recollecting that the day would run its inevitable course—that a day after +all was <i>but</i> a day—that the mighty wheel of alternate light and darkness +must and would revolve—and that the evening star would rise as usual, and +shine with its untroubled lustre upon the dust and ashes of what <i>had</i> +indeed <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[Pg 226]</a></span>suffered, and so recently, the most bitter pangs, but would then +have ceased to suffer. 'La Journée,' said Damien,</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>'La journée sera dure, mais elle se passera.'</p></div> + +<p>'——<i>Se passera</i>:' yes, that is true, I whispered to myself; my day also, +my season of trial will be hard to bear; but that also will have an end; +that also '<i>se passera</i>.' Thus I talked or thought so long as I thought at +all; for the hour was now rapidly approaching when thinking in any shape +would for some time be at an end for me.</p> + +<p>That day, as the morning advanced, I went again, accompanied by Hannah, to +the police court and to the prison—a vast, ancient, in parts ruinous, and +most gloomy pile of building. In those days the administration of justice +was, if not more corrupt, certainly in its inferior departments by far more +careless than it is at present, and liable to thousands of interruptions and +mal-practices, supporting themselves upon old traditionary usages which +required at least half a century, and the shattering everywhere given to old +systems by the French Revolution, together with the universal energy of mind +applied to those subjects over the whole length and breadth of Christendom, +to approach with any effectual reforms. Knowing this, and having myself had +direct personal cognizance of various cases in which bribery had been +applied with success, I was not without considerable hope that perhaps +Hannah and myself might avail ourselves of this irregular passport through +the gates of the prison. And, had the new regulation been of somewhat longer +standing, there is little doubt that <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[Pg 227]</a></span>I should have been found right; +unfortunately, as yet it had all the freshness of new-born vigour, and kept +itself in remembrance by the singular irritation it excited. Besides this, +it was a pet novelty of one particular minister new to the possession of +power, anxious to distinguish himself, proud of his creative functions +within the range of his office, and very sensitively jealous on the point of +opposition to his mandates. Vain, therefore, on this day were all my efforts +to corrupt the jailers; and, in fact, anticipating a time when I might have +occasion to corrupt some of them for a more important purpose and on a +larger scale, I did not think it prudent to proclaim my character beforehand +as one who tampered with such means, and thus to arm against myself those +jealousies in official people which it was so peculiarly important that I +should keep asleep.</p> + +<p>All that day, however, I lingered about the avenues and vast courts in the +precincts of the prison, and near one particular wing of the building, which +had been pointed out to me by a jailer as the section allotted to those who +were in the situation of Agnes; that is, waiting their final commitment for +trial. The building generally he could indicate with certainty, but he +professed himself unable to indicate the particular part of it which 'the +young woman brought in on the day previous' would be likely to occupy; +consequently he could not point out the window from which her cell (her +'<i>cell!</i>' what a word!) would be lighted. 'But, master,' he went on to say, +'I would advise nobody to try that game.' He looked with an air so +significant, and at the same time used a gesture so indicative of private +understanding, that <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[Pg 228]</a></span>I at once apprehended his meaning, and assured him that +he had altogether misconstrued my drift; that, as to attempts at escape, or +at any mode of communicating with the prisoner from the outside, I trusted +all <i>that</i> was perfectly needless; and that at any rate in my eyes it was +perfectly hopeless. 'Well, master,' he replied, 'that's neither here nor +there. You've come down handsomely, that I <i>will</i> say; and where a gentleman +acts like a gentleman, and behaves himself as such, I'm not the man to go +and split upon him for a word. To be sure it's quite nat'ral that a +gentleman—put case that a young woman is his fancy woman—it's nothing but +nat'ral that he should want to get her out of such an old rat-hole as this, +where many's the fine-timbered creature, both he and she, that has lain to +rot, and has never got out of the old trap at all, first or last'——'How +so?' I interrupted him; 'surely they don't detain the corpses of prisoners?' +'Ay, but mind you—put case that he or that she should die in this rat-trap +before sentence is past, why then the prison counts them as its own +children, and buries them in its own chapel—that old stack of pigeon-holes +that you see up yonder to the right hand.' So, then, after all, thought I, +if my poor Agnes should, in her desolation and solitary confinement to these +wretched walls, find her frail strength give way—should the moral horrors +of her situation work their natural effect upon her health, and she should +chance to die within this dungeon, here within this same dungeon will she +lie to the resurrection, and in that case her prison-doors have already +closed upon her for ever. The man, who perhaps had some rough kindness in +his nature, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">[Pg 229]</a></span>though tainted by the mercenary feelings too inevitably +belonging to his situation, seemed to guess at the character of my +ruminations by the change in my countenance, for he expressed some pity for +my being 'in so much trouble'; and it seemed to increase his respect for me +that this trouble should be directed to the case of a woman, for he appeared +to have a manly sense of the peculiar appeal made to the honour and +gallantry of man, by the mere general fact of the feebleness and the +dependence of woman. I looked at him more attentively in consequence of the +feeling tone in which he now spoke, and was surprised that I had not more +particularly noticed him before; he was a fine-looking, youngish man, with a +bold Robin-hood style of figure and appearance; and, morally speaking, he +was absolutely transfigured to my eyes by the effect worked upon him for the +moment, through the simple calling up of his better nature. However, he +recurred to his cautions about the peril in a legal sense of tampering with +the windows, bolts, and bars of the old decaying prison; which, in fact, +precisely according to the degree in which its absolute power over its +prisoners was annually growing less and less, grew more and more jealous of +its own reputation, and punished the attempts to break loose with the more +severity, in exact proportion as they were the more tempting by the chances +of success. I persisted in disowning any schemes of the sort, and especially +upon the ground of their hopelessness. But this, on the other hand, was a +ground that in his inner thoughts he treated with scorn; and I could easily +see that, with a little skilful management of opportunity, I might, upon +occasion, draw from him <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">[Pg 230]</a></span>all the secrets he knew as to the special points of +infirmity in this old ruinous building. For the present, and until it should +certainly appear that there was some use to be derived from this species of +knowledge, I forbore to raise superfluous suspicions by availing myself +further of his communicative disposition. Taking, however, the precaution of +securing his name, together with his particular office and designation in +the prison, I parted from him as if to go home, but in fact to resume my sad +roamings up and down the precincts of the jail.</p> + +<p>What made these precincts much larger than otherwise they would have been, +was the circumstance that, by a usage derived from older days, both criminal +prisoners and those who were prisoners for debt, equally fell under the +custody of this huge caravanserai for the indifferent reception of crime, of +misdemeanour, and of misfortune. And those who came under the two first +titles were lodged here through all stages of their connection with public +justice; alike when mere objects of vague suspicion to the police, when +under examination upon a specific charge, when fully committed for trial, +when convicted and under sentence, awaiting the execution of that sentence, +and, in a large proportion of cases, even through their final stage of +punishment, when it happened to be of any nature compatible with indoor +confinement. Hence it arose that the number of those who haunted the prison +gates with or without a title to admission was enormous; all the relatives, +or more properly the acquaintances and connections of the criminal +population within the prison, being swelled by all the families of needy +debtors who came <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">[Pg 231]</a></span>daily either to offer the consolation of their society, or +to diminish their common expenditure by uniting their slender +establishments. One of the rules applied to the management of this vast +multitude that were every day candidates for admission was, that to save the +endless trouble as well as risk, perhaps, of opening and shutting the main +gates to every successive arrival, periodic intervals were fixed for the +admission by wholesale: and as these periods came round every two hours, it +would happen at many parts of the day that vast crowds accumulated waiting +for the next opening of the gate. These crowds were assembled in two or +three large outer courts, in which also were many stalls and booths, kept +there upon some local privilege of ancient inheritance, or upon some other +plea made good by gifts or bribes—some by Jews and others by Christians, +perhaps equally Jewish. Superadded to these stationary elements of this +miscellaneous population, were others, drawn thither by pure motives of +curiosity, so that altogether an almost permanent mob was gathered together +in these courts; and amid this mob it was,—from I know not what definite +motive, partly because I thought it probable that amongst these people I +should hear the case of Agnes peculiarly the subject of conversation; and +so, in fact, it did really happen,—but partly, and even more, I believe, +because I now awfully began to shrink from solitude. Tumult I must have, and +distraction of thought. Amid this mob, I say, it was that I passed two days. +Feverish I had been from the first,—and from bad to worse, in such a case, +was, at any rate, a natural progress; but, perhaps, also amongst this <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">[Pg 232]</a></span>crowd +of the poor, the abjectly wretched, the ill-fed, the desponding, and the +dissolute, there might be very naturally a larger body of contagion lurking +than accorded to their mere numerical expectations. There was at that season +a very extensive depopulation going on in some quarters of this great +metropolis, and in other cities of the same empire, by means of a very +malignant typhus. This fever is supposed to be the peculiar product of +jails; and though it had not as yet been felt as a scourge and devastator of +this particular jail, or at least the consequent mortality had been hitherto +kept down to a moderate amount, yet it was highly probable that a certain +quantity of contagion, much beyond the proportion of other popular +assemblages less uniformly wretched in their composition, was here to be +found all day long; and doubtless my excited state, and irritable habit of +body, had offered a peculiar predisposition that favoured the rapid +development of this contagion. However this might be, the result was, that +on the evening of the second day which I spent in haunting the purlieus of +the prison (consequently the night preceding the second public examination +of Agnes), I was attacked by ardent fever in such unmitigated fury, that +before morning I had lost all command of my intellectual faculties. For some +weeks I became a pitiable maniac, and in every sense the wreck of my former +self; and seven entire weeks, together with the better half of an eighth +week, had passed over my head whilst I lay unconscious of time and its +dreadful freight of events, excepting in so far as my disordered brain, by +its fantastic coinages, created endless mimicries and mockeries of these +events—less <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">[Pg 233]</a></span>substantial, but oftentimes less afflicting, or less +agitating. It would have been well for me had my destiny decided that I was +not to be recalled to this world of wo. But I had no such happiness in +store. I recovered, and through twenty and eight years my groans have +recorded the sorrow I feel that I did.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>I shall not rehearse circumstantially, and point by point, the sad +unfolding, as it proceeded through successive revelations to me, of all +which had happened during my state of physical incapacity. When I first +became aware that my wandering senses had returned to me, and knew, by the +cessation of all throbbings, and the unutterable pains that had so long +possessed my brain, that I was now returning from the gates of death, a sad +confusion assailed me as to some indefinite cloud of evil that had been +hovering over me at the time when I first fell into a state of +insensibility. For a time I struggled vainly to recover the lost connection +of my thoughts, and I endeavoured ineffectually to address myself to sleep. +I opened my eyes, but found the glare of light painful beyond measure. +Strength, however, it seemed to me that I had, and more than enough, to +raise myself out of bed. I made the attempt, but fell back, almost giddy +with the effort. At the sound of the disturbance which I had thus made, a +woman whom I did not know came from behind a curtain, and spoke to me. +Shrinking from any communication with a stranger, especially one whose +discretion I could not estimate in making discoveries to me with the +requisite caution, I asked her simply what o'clock it was.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_234" id="Page_234">[Pg 234]</a></span></p> + +<p>'Eleven in the forenoon,' she replied.</p> + +<p>'And what day of the month?'</p> + +<p>'The second,' was her brief answer.</p> + +<p>I felt almost a sense of shame in adding—'The second! but of what month?'</p> + +<p>'Of June,' was the startling rejoinder.</p> + +<p>On the 8th of April I had fallen ill, and it was now actually the 2nd of +June. Oh! sickening calculation! revolting register of hours! for in that +same moment which brought back this one recollection, perhaps by steadying +my brain, rushed back in a torrent all the other dreadful remembrances of +the period, and now the more so, because, though the event was still +uncertain as regarded my knowledge, it must have become dreadfully certain +as regarded the facts of the case, and the happiness of all who were +concerned. Alas! one little circumstance too painfully assured me that this +event had not been a happy one. Had Agnes been restored to her liberty and +her home, where would she have been found but watching at my bedside? That +too certainly I knew, and the inference was too bitter to support.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>On this same day, some hours afterwards, upon Hannah's return from the city, +I received from her, and heard with perfect calmness, the whole sum of evil +which awaited me. Little Francis—she took up her tale at that point—'was +with God:' so she expressed herself. He had died of the same fever which had +attacked me—had died and been buried nearly five weeks before. Too probably +he had caught the infection from me. Almost—such are the caprices of human +feeling—almost I could have <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">[Pg 235]</a></span>rejoiced that this young memorial of my +vanished happiness had vanished also. It gave me a pang, nevertheless, that +the grave should thus have closed upon him before I had seen his fair little +face again. But I steeled my heart to hear worse things than this. Next she +went on to inform me that already, on the first or second day of our +calamity, she had taken upon herself, without waiting for authority, on +observing the rapid approaches of illness in me, and arguing the state of +helplessness which would follow, to write off at once a summons in the most +urgent terms to the brother of my wife. This gentleman, whom I shall call +Pierpoint, was a high-spirited, generous young man as I have ever known. +When I say that he was a sportsman, that at one season of the year he did +little else than pursue his darling amusement of fox-hunting, for which +indeed he had almost a maniacal passion—saying this, I shall already have +prejudged him in the opinions of many, who fancy all such persons the slaves +of corporal enjoyments. But, with submission, the truth lies the other way. +According to my experience, people of these habits have their bodies more +than usually under their command, as being subdued by severe exercise; and +their minds, neither better nor worse on an average than those of their +neighbours, are more available from being so much more rarely clogged by +morbid habits in that uneasy yoke-fellow of the intellectual part—the body. +He at all events was a man to justify in his own person this way of +thinking; for he was a man not only of sound, but even of bold and energetic +intellect, and in all moral respects one whom any man might feel proud to +call <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">[Pg 236]</a></span>his friend. This young man, Pierpoint, without delay obeyed the +summons; and on being made acquainted with what had already passed, the +first step he took was to call upon Barratt, and without further question +than what might ascertain his identity, he proceeded to inflict upon him a +severe horsewhipping. A worse step on his sister's account he could not have +taken. Previously to this the popular feeling had run strongly against +Barratt, but now its unity was broken. A new element was introduced into the +question: Democratic feelings were armed against this outrage; gentlemen and +nobles, it was said, thought themselves not amenable to justice; and again, +the majesty of the law was offended at this intrusion upon an affair already +under solemn course of adjudication. Everything, however, passes away under +the healing hand of time, and this also faded from the public mind. People +remembered also that he was a brother, and in that character, at any rate, +had a right to some allowances for his intemperance; and what quickened the +oblivion of the affair was, which in itself was sufficiently strange, that +Barratt did not revive the case in the public mind by seeking legal +reparation for his injuries. It was, however, still matter of regret that +Pierpoint should have indulged himself in this movement of passion, since +undoubtedly it broke and disturbed the else uniform stream of public +indignation by investing the original aggressor with something like the +character of an injured person; and therefore with some set-off to plead +against his own wantonness of malice: his malice might now assume the nobler +aspect of revenge.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_237" id="Page_237">[Pg 237]</a></span></p> + +<p>Thus far, in reporting the circumstances, Hannah had dallied—thus far I had +rejoiced that she dallied, with the main burden of the wo; but now there +remained nothing to dally with any longer—and she rushed along in her +narrative, hurrying to tell—I hurrying to hear. A second, a third +examination had ensued, then a final committal—all this within a week. By +that time all the world was agitated with the case; literally not the city +only, vast as that city was, but the nation was convulsed and divided into +parties upon the question, Whether the prosecution were one of mere malice +or not? The very government of the land was reported to be equally +interested, and almost equally divided in opinion. In this state of public +feeling came the trial. Image to yourself, oh reader, whosoever you are, the +intensity of the excitement which by that time had arisen in all people to +be spectators of the scene—then image to yourself the effect of all this, a +perfect consciousness that in herself as a centre was settled the whole +mighty interest of the exhibition—that interest again of so dubious and +mixed a character—sympathy in some with mere misfortune—sympathy in others +with female frailty and guilt, not perhaps founded upon an absolute +unwavering belief in her innocence even amongst those who were most loud and +positive as partisans in affirming it,—and then remember that all this +hideous scenical display and notoriety settled upon one whose very nature, +constitutionally timid, recoiled with the triple agony of womanly shame—of +matronly dignity—of insulted innocence, from every mode and shape of public +display. Combine all these circumstances and elements of the case, and you +may faintly enter <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_238" id="Page_238">[Pg 238]</a></span>into the situation of my poor Agnes. Perhaps the best way +to express it at once is by recurring to the case of a young female +Christian martyr, in the early ages of Christianity, exposed in the bloody +amphitheatre of Rome or Verona to 'fight with wild beasts,' as it was +expressed in mockery—she to fight! the lamb to fight with lions! But in +reality the young martyr <i>had</i> a fight to maintain, and a fight (in contempt +of that cruel mockery) fiercer than the fiercest of her persecutors could +have faced perhaps—the combat with the instincts of her own shrinking, +trembling, fainting nature. Such a fight had my Agnes to maintain; and at +that time there was a large party of gentlemen in whom the gentlemanly +instinct was predominant, and who felt so powerfully the cruel indignities +of her situation, that they made a public appeal in her behalf. One thing, +and a strong one, which they said, was this:—'We all talk and move in this +case as if, because the question appears doubtful to some people, and the +accused party to some people wears a doubtful character, it would follow +that she therefore had in reality a mixed character composed in joint +proportions of the best and the worst that is imputed to her. But let us not +forget that this mixed character belongs not to her, but to the infirmity of +our human judgments—<i>they</i> are mixed—<i>they</i> are dubious—but she is +not—she is, or she is not, guilty—there is no middle case—and let us +consider for a single moment, that if this young lady (as many among us +heartily believe) <i>is</i> innocent, then and upon that supposition let us +consider how cruel we should all think the public exposure which aggravates +the other injuries (as in that <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_239" id="Page_239">[Pg 239]</a></span>case they must be thought) to which her +situation exposes her.' They went on to make some suggestions for the +officers of the court in preparing the arrangements for the trial, and some +also for the guidance of the audience, which showed the same generous +anxiety for sparing the feelings of the prisoner. If these did not wholly +succeed in repressing the open avowal of coarse and brutal curiosity amongst +the intensely vulgar, at least they availed to diffuse amongst the neutral +and indifferent part of the public a sentiment of respect and forbearance +which, emanating from high quarters, had a very extensive influence upon +most of what met the eye or the ear of my poor wife. She, on the day of +trial, was supported by her brother; and by that time she needed support +indeed. I was reported to be dying; her little son was dead; neither had she +been allowed to see him. Perhaps these things, by weaning her from all +further care about life, might have found their natural effect in making her +indifferent to the course of the trial, or even to its issue. And so, +perhaps, in the main, they did. But at times some lingering sense of +outraged dignity, some fitful gleams of old sympathies, 'the hectic of a +moment,' came back upon her, and prevailed over the deadening stupor of her +grief. Then she shone for a moment into a starry light—sweet and woful to +remember. Then——but why linger? I hurry to the close: she was pronounced +guilty; whether by a jury or a bench of judges, I do not say—having +determined, from the beginning, to give no hint of the land in which all +these events happened; neither is that of the slightest consequence. Guilty +she was <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_240" id="Page_240">[Pg 240]</a></span>pronounced: but sentence at that time was deferred. Ask me not, I +beseech you, about the muff or other circumstances inconsistent with the +hostile evidence. These circumstances had the testimony, you will observe, +of my own servants only; nay, as it turned out, of one servant exclusively: +<i>that</i> naturally diminished their value. And, on the other side, evidence +was arrayed, perjury was suborned, that would have wrecked a wilderness of +simple truth trusting to its own unaided forces. What followed? Did this +judgment of the court settle the opinion of the public? Opinion of the +public! Did it settle the winds? Did it settle the motion of the Atlantic? +Wilder, fiercer, and louder grew the cry against the wretched accuser: +mighty had been the power over the vast audience of the dignity, the +affliction, the perfect simplicity, and the Madonna beauty of the prisoner. +That beauty so childlike, and at the same time so saintly, made, besides, so +touching in its pathos by means of the abandonment—the careless abandonment +and the infinite desolation of her air and manner—would of itself, and +without further aid, have made many converts. Much more was done by the +simplicity of her statements, and the indifference with which she neglected +to improve any strong points in her own favour—the indifference, as every +heart perceived, of despairing grief. Then came the manners on the hostile +side—the haggard consciousness of guilt, the drooping tone, the bravado and +fierce strut which sought to dissemble all this. Not one amongst all the +witnesses, assembled on that side, had (by all agreement) the bold natural +tone of conscious uprightness. Hence it could not be sur<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_241" id="Page_241">[Pg 241]</a></span>prising that the +storm of popular opinion made itself heard with a louder and a louder sound. +The government itself began to be disturbed; the ministers of the sovereign +were agitated; and, had no menaces been thrown out, it was generally +understood that they would have given way to the popular voice, now +continually more distinct and clamorous. In the midst of all this tumult +obscure murmurs began to arise that Barratt had practised the same or +similar villainies in former instances. One case in particular was beginning +to be whispered about, which at once threw a light upon the whole affair: it +was the case of a young and very beautiful married woman, who had been on +the very brink of a catastrophe such as had befallen my own wife, when some +seasonable interference, of what nature was not known, had critically +delivered her. This case arose 'like a little cloud no bigger than a man's +hand,' then spread and threatened to burst in tempest upon the public mind, +when all at once, more suddenly even than it had arisen, it was hushed up, +or in some way disappeared. But a trifling circumstance made it possible to +trace this case:—in after times, when means offered, but unfortunately no +particular purpose of good, nor any purpose, in fact, beyond that of +curiosity, it <i>was</i> traced: and enough was soon ascertained to have blown to +fragments any possible conspiracy emanating from this Barratt, had that been +of any further importance. However, in spite of all that money or art could +effect, a sullen growl continued to be heard amongst the populace of +villainies many and profound that had been effected or attempted by this +Barratt; and accordingly, much in the same way as was many <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_242" id="Page_242">[Pg 242]</a></span>years afterwards +practised in London, when a hosier had caused several young people to be +prosecuted to death for passing forged bank-notes, the wrath of the people +showed itself in marking the shop for vengeance upon any favourable occasion +offering through fire or riots, and in the meantime in deserting it. These +things had been going on for some time when I awoke from my long delirium; +but the effect they had produced upon a weak and obstinate and haughty +government, or at least upon the weak and obstinate and haughty member of +the government who presided in the police administration, was, to confirm +and rivet the line of conduct which had been made the object of popular +denunciation. More energetically, more scornfully, to express that +determination of flying in the face of public opinion and censure, four days +before my awakening, Agnes had been brought up to receive her sentence. On +that same day (nay, it was said in that same hour), petitions, very +numerously signed, and various petitions from different ranks, different +ages, different sexes, were carried up to the throne, praying, upon manifold +grounds, but all noticing the extreme doubtfulness of the case, for an +unconditional pardon. By whose advice or influence, it was guessed easily, +though never exactly ascertained, these petitions were unanimously, almost +contemptuously, rejected. And to express the contempt of public opinion as +powerfully as possible, Agnes was sentenced by the court, reassembled in +full pomp, order, and ceremonial costume, to a punishment the severest that +the laws allowed—viz. hard labour for ten years. The people raged more than +ever; threats public and private were conveyed to the ears of the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_243" id="Page_243">[Pg 243]</a></span>minister +chiefly concerned in the responsibility, and who had indeed, by empty and +ostentatious talking, assumed that responsibility to himself in a way that +was perfectly needless.</p> + +<p>Thus stood matters when I awoke to consciousness: and this was the fatal +journal of the interval—interval so long as measured by my fierce calendar +of delirium—so brief measured by the huge circuit of events which it +embraced, and their mightiness for evil. Wrath, wrath immeasurable, +unimaginable, unmitigable, burned at my heart like a cancer. The worst had +come. And the thing which kills a man for action—the living in two climates +at once—a torrid and a frigid zone—of hope and fear—that was past. +Weak—suppose I were for the moment: I felt that a day or two might bring +back my strength. No miserable tremors of hope <i>now</i> shook my nerves: if +they shook from that inevitable rocking of the waters that follows a storm, +so much might be pardoned to the infirmity of a nature that could not lay +aside its fleshly necessities, nor altogether forego its homage to 'these +frail elements,' but which by inspiration already lived within a region +where no voices were heard but the spiritual voices of transcendant +passions—of</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">'Wrongs unrevenged, and insults unredress'd.'</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>Six days from that time I was well—well and strong. I rose from bed; I +bathed; I dressed: dressed as if I were a bridegroom. And that <i>was</i> in fact +a great day in my life. I was to see Agnes. Oh! yes: permission had been +obtained from the lordly minister that I should see my wife. Is it +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_244" id="Page_244">[Pg 244]</a></span>possible? Can such condescensions exist? Yes: solicitations from ladies, +eloquent notes wet with ducal tears, these had won from the thrice radiant +secretary, redolent of roseate attar, a countersign to some order or other, +by which I—yes I—under license of a fop, and supervision of a jailer—was +to see and for a time to converse with my own wife.</p> + +<p>The hour appointed for the first day's interview was eight o'clock in the +evening. On the outside of the jail all was summer light and animation. The +sports of children in the streets of mighty cities are but sad, and too +painfully recall the circumstances of freedom and breezy nature that are not +there. But still the pomp of glorious summer, and the presence, 'not to be +put by,' of the everlasting light, that is either always present, or always +dawning—these potent elements impregnate the very city life, and the dim +reflex of nature which is found at the bottom of well-like streets, with +more solemn powers to move and to soothe in summer. I struck upon the prison +gates, the first among multitudes waiting to strike. Not because we struck, +but because the hour had sounded, suddenly the gate opened; and in we +streamed. I, as a visitor for the first time, was immediately distinguished +by the jailers, whose glance of eye is fatally unerring. 'Who was it that I +wanted?' At the name a stir of emotion was manifest, even there: the dry +bones stirred and moved: the passions outside had long ago passed to the +interior of this gloomy prison: and not a man but had his hypothesis on the +case; not a man but had almost fought with some comrade (many had <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_245" id="Page_245">[Pg 245]</a></span>literally +fought) about the merits of their several opinions.</p> + +<p>If any man had expected a scene at this reunion, he would have been +disappointed. Exhaustion, and the ravages of sorrow, had left to dear Agnes +so little power of animation or of action, that her emotions were rather to +be guessed at, both for kind and for degree, than directly to have been +perceived. She was in fact a sick patient, far gone in an illness that +should properly have confined her to bed; and was as much past the power of +replying to my frenzied exclamations, as a dying victim of fever of entering +upon a strife of argument. In bed, however, she was not. When the door +opened she was discovered sitting at a table placed against the opposite +wall, her head pillowed upon her arms, and these resting upon the table. Her +beautiful long auburn hair had escaped from its confinement, and was +floating over the table and her own person. She took no notice of the +disturbance made by our entrance, did not turn, did not raise her head, nor +make an effort to do so, nor by any sign whatever intimate that she was +conscious of our presence, until the turnkey in a respectful tone announced +me. Upon that a low groan, or rather a feeble moan, showed that she had +become aware of my presence, and relieved me from all apprehension of +causing too sudden a shock by taking her in my arms. The turnkey had now +retired; we were alone. I knelt by her side, threw my arms about her, and +pressed her to my heart. She drooped her head upon my shoulder, and lay for +some time like one who slumbered; but, alas! not as she had used to slumber. +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_246" id="Page_246">[Pg 246]</a></span>Her breathing, which had been like that of sinless infancy, was now +frightfully short and quick; she seemed not properly to breathe, but to +gasp. This, thought I, may be sudden agitation, and in that case she will +gradually recover; half an hour will restore her. Wo is me! she did <i>not</i> +recover; and internally I said—she never <i>will</i> recover. The arrows have +gone too deep for a frame so exquisite in its sensibility, and already her +hours are numbered.</p> + +<p>At this first visit I said nothing to her about the past; <i>that</i>, and the +whole extent to which our communications should go, I left rather to her own +choice. At the second visit, however, upon some word or other arising which +furnished an occasion for touching on this hateful topic, I pressed her, +contrary to my own previous intention, for as full an account of the fatal +event as she could without a distressing effort communicate. To my surprise +she was silent—gloomily—almost it might have seemed obstinately silent. A +horrid thought came into my mind; could it, might it have been possible that +my noble-minded wife, such she had ever seemed to me, was open to +temptations of this nature? Could it have been that in some moment of +infirmity, when her better angel was away from her side, she had yielded to +a sudden impulse of frailty, such as a second moment for consideration would +have resisted, but which unhappily had been followed by no such opportunity +of retrieval? I had heard of such things. Cases there were in our own times +(and not confined to one nation), when irregular impulses of this sort were +known to have haunted and besieged <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_247" id="Page_247">[Pg 247]</a></span>natures not otherwise ignoble or base. I +ran over some of the names amongst those which were taxed with this +propensity. More than one were the names of people in a technical sense held +noble. That, nor any other consideration, abated my horror. Better, I said, +better (because more compatible with elevation of mind) better to have +committed some bloody act—some murderous act. Dreadful was the panic I +underwent. God pardon the wrong I did; and even now I pray to him—as though +the past thing were a future thing and capable of change—that he would +forbid her for ever to know what was the derogatory thought I had admitted. +I sometimes think, by recollecting a momentary blush that suffused her +marble countenance,—I think—I fear that she might have read what was +fighting in my mind. Yet that would admit of another explanation. If she did +read the very worst, meek saint! she suffered no complaint or sense of that +injury to escape her. It might, however, be that perception, or it might be +that fear which roused her to an effort that otherwise had seemed too +revolting to undertake. She now rehearsed the whole steps of the affair from +first to last; but the only material addition, which her narrative made to +that which the trial itself had involved, was the following:—On two +separate occasions previous to the last and fatal one, when she had happened +to walk unaccompanied by me in the city, the monster Barratt had met her in +the street. He had probably,—and this was, indeed, subsequently +ascertained,—at first, and for some time afterwards, mistaken her rank, and +had addressed some proposals to her, which, from the suppressed tone of his +speaking, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_248" id="Page_248">[Pg 248]</a></span>or from her own terror and surprise, she had not clearly +understood; but enough had reached her alarmed ear to satisfy her that they +were of a nature in the last degree licentious and insulting. Terrified and +shocked rather than indignant, for she too easily presumed the man to be a +maniac, she hurried homewards; and was rejoiced, on first venturing to look +round when close to her own gate, to perceive that the man was not +following. There, however, she was mistaken; for either on this occasion, or +on some other, he had traced her homewards. The last of these rencontres had +occurred just three months before the fatal 6th of April; and if, in any one +instance, Agnes had departed from the strict line of her duty as a wife, or +had shown a defect of judgment, it was at this point—in not having frankly +and fully reported the circumstances to me. On the last of these occasions I +had met her at the garden-gate, and had particularly remarked that she +seemed agitated; and now, at recalling these incidents, Agnes reminded me +that I had noticed that circumstance to herself, and that she had answered +me faithfully as to the main fact. It was true she had done so; for she had +said that she had just met a lunatic who had alarmed her by fixing his +attention upon herself, and speaking to her in a ruffian manner; and it was +also true that she did sincerely regard him in that light. This led me at +the time to construe the whole affair into a casual collision with some poor +maniac escaping from his keepers, and of no future moment, having passed by +without present consequences. But had she, instead of thus reporting her own +erroneous impression, reported the entire circumstances of the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_249" id="Page_249">[Pg 249]</a></span>case, I +should have given them a very different interpretation. Affection for me, +and fear to throw me needlessly into a quarrel with a man of apparently +brutal and violent nature—these considerations, as too often they do with +the most upright wives, had operated to check Agnes in the perfect sincerity +of her communications. She had told nothing <i>but</i> the truth—only, and +fatally it turned out for us both, she had not told the <i>whole</i> truth. The +very suppression, to which she had reconciled herself under the belief that +thus she was providing for my safety and her own consequent happiness, had +been the indirect occasion of ruin to both. It was impossible to show +displeasure under such circumstances, or under any circumstances, to one +whose self-reproaches were at any rate too bitter; but certainly, as a +general rule, every conscientious woman should resolve to consider her +husband's honour in the first case, and far before all other regards +whatsoever; to make this the first, the second, the third law of her +conduct, and his personal safety but the fourth or fifth. Yet women, and +especially when the interests of children are at stake upon their husband's +safety, rarely indeed are able to take this Roman view of their duties.</p> + +<p>To return to the narrative.—Agnes had not, nor could have, the most remote +suspicion of this Barratt's connection with the shop which she had not +accidentally entered; and the sudden appearance of this wretch it was, at +the very moment of finding herself charged with so vile and degrading an +offence, that contributed most of all to rob her of her natural firmness, by +suddenly revealing to her terrified heart <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_250" id="Page_250">[Pg 250]</a></span>the depth of the conspiracy which +thus yawned like a gulf below her. And not only had this sudden horror, upon +discovering a guilty design in what before had seemed accident, and links +uniting remote incidents which else seemed casual and disconnected, greatly +disturbed and confused her manner, which confusion again had become more +intense upon her own consciousness that she <i>was</i> confused, and that her +manner was greatly to her disadvantage; but—which was the worst effect of +all, because the rest could not operate against her, except upon those who +were present to witness it, whereas this was noted down and recorded—so +utterly did her confusion strip her of all presence of mind, that she did +not consciously notice (and consequently could not protest against at the +moment when it was most important to do so, and most natural) the important +circumstance of the muff. This capital objection, therefore, though dwelt +upon and improved to the utmost at the trial, was looked upon by the judges +as an after-thought; and merely because it had not been seized upon by +herself, and urged in the first moments of her almost incapacitating terror +on finding this amongst the circumstances of the charge against her—as if +an ingenuous nature, in the very act of recoiling with horror from a +criminal charge the most degrading, and in the very instant of discovering, +with a perfect rapture of alarm, the too plausible appearance of probability +amongst the circumstances, would be likely to pause, and with attorney-like +dexterity, to pick out the particular circumstance that might admit of being +<i>proved</i> to be false, when the conscience proclaimed, though in despondence +for the result, that all <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_251" id="Page_251">[Pg 251]</a></span>the circumstances were, as to the use made of +them, one tissue of falsehoods. Agnes, who had made a powerful effort in +speaking of the case at all, found her calmness increase as she advanced; +and she now told me, that in reality there were two discoveries which she +made in the same instant, and not one only, which had disarmed her firmness +and ordinary presence of mind. One I have mentioned—the fact of Barratt, +the proprietor of the shop, being the same person who had in former +instances persecuted her in the street; but the other was even more +alarming—it has been said already that it was <i>not</i> a pure matter of +accident that she had visited this particular shop. In reality, that +nursery-maid, of whom some mention has been made above, and in terms +expressing the suspicion with which even then I regarded her, had persuaded +her into going thither by some representations which Agnes had already +ascertained to be altogether unwarranted. Other presumptions against this +girl's fidelity crowded dimly upon my wife's mind at the very moment of +finding her eyes thus suddenly opened. And it was not five minutes after her +first examination, and in fact five minutes after it had ceased to be of use +to her, that she remembered another circumstance which now, when combined +with the sequel, told its own tale;—the muff had been missed some little +time before the 6th of April. Search had been made for it; but, the +particular occasion which required it having passed off, this search was +laid aside for the present, in the expectation that it would soon reappear +in some corner of the house before it was wanted: then came the sunny day, +which made it no longer useful, and would <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_252" id="Page_252">[Pg 252]</a></span>perhaps have dismissed it +entirely from the recollection of all parties, until it was now brought back +in this memorable way. The name of my wife was embroidered within, upon the +lining, and it thus became a serviceable link to the hellish cabal against +her. Upon reviewing the circumstances from first to last, upon recalling the +manner of the girl at the time when the muff was missed, and upon combining +the whole with her recent deception, by which she had misled her poor +mistress into visiting this shop, Agnes began to see the entire truth as to +this servant's wicked collusion with Barratt, though, perhaps, it might be +too much to suppose her aware of the unhappy result to which her collusion +tended. All this she saw at a glance when it was too late, for her first +examination was over. This girl, I must add, had left our house during my +illness, and she had afterwards a melancholy end.</p> + +<p>One thing surprised me in all this, Barratt's purpose must manifestly have +been to create merely a terror in my poor wife's mind, and to stop short of +any legal consequences, in order to profit of that panic and confusion for +extorting compliances with his hideous pretensions. It perplexed me, +therefore, that he did not appear to have pursued this manifestly his +primary purpose, the other being merely a mask to conceal his true ends, and +also (as he fancied) a means for effecting them. In this, however, I had +soon occasion to find that I was deceived. He had, but without the knowledge +of Agnes, taken such steps as were then open to him, for making overtures to +her with regard to the terms upon which he would agree to defeat the charge +against her by failing to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_253" id="Page_253">[Pg 253]</a></span>appear. But the law had travelled too fast for +him and too determinately; so that, by the time he supposed terror to have +operated sufficiently in favour of his views, it had already become unsafe +to venture upon such explicit proposals as he would otherwise have tried. +His own safety was now at stake, and would have been compromised by any open +or written avowal of the motives on which he had been all along acting. In +fact, at this time he was foiled by the agent in whom he confided; but much +more he had been confounded upon another point—the prodigious interest +manifested by the public. Thus it seems—that, whilst he meditated only a +snare for my poor Agnes, he had prepared one for himself; and finally, to +evade the suspicions which began to arise powerfully as to his true motives, +and thus to stave off his own ruin, had found himself in a manner obliged to +go forward and consummate the ruin of another.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The state of Agnes, as to health and bodily strength, was now becoming such +that I was forcibly warned—whatsoever I meditated doing, to do quickly. +There was this urgent reason for alarm: once conveyed into that region of +the prison in which sentences like hers were executed, it became hopeless +that I could communicate with her again. All intercourse whatsoever, and +with whomsoever, was then placed under the most rigorous interdict; and the +alarming circumstance was, that this transfer was governed by no settled +rules, but might take place at any hour, and would certainly be precipitated +by the slightest violence on my part, the slightest <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_254" id="Page_254">[Pg 254]</a></span>indiscretion, or the +slightest argument for suspicion. Hard indeed was the part I had to play, +for it was indispensable that I should appear calm and tranquil, in order to +disarm suspicions around me, whilst continually contemplating the +possibility that I myself might be summoned to extremities which I could not +so much as trust myself to name or distinctly to conceive. But thus stood +the case; the Government, it was understood, angered by the public +opposition, resolute for the triumph of what they called 'principle,' had +settled finally that the sentence should be carried into execution. Now that +she, that my Agnes, being the frail wreck that she had become, could have +stood one week of this sentence practically and literally enforced—was a +mere chimera. A few hours probably of the experiment would have settled that +question by dismissing her to the death she longed for; but because the +suffering would be short, was I to stand by and to witness the +degradation—the pollution—attempted to be fastened upon her. What! to know +that her beautiful tresses would be shorn ignominiously—a felon's dress +forced upon her—a vile taskmaster with authority to——; blistered be the +tongue that could go on to utter, in connection with her innocent name, the +vile dishonours which were to settle upon her person! I, however, and her +brother had taken such resolutions that this result was one barely possible; +and yet I sickened (yes, literally I many times experienced the effect of +physical sickness) at contemplating our own utter childish helplessness, and +recollecting that every night during our seclusion from the prison the last +irreversible step might be taken—and in the morning <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_255" id="Page_255">[Pg 255]</a></span>we might find a +solitary cell, and the angel form that had illuminated it gone where we +could not follow, and leaving behind her the certainty that we should see +her no more. Every night, at the hour of locking up, <i>she</i>, at least, +manifestly had a fear that she saw us for the last time; she put her arms +feebly about my neck, sobbed convulsively, and, I believe, guessed—but, if +really so, did not much reprove or quarrel with the desperate purposes which +I struggled with in regard t o her own life. One thing was quite +evident—that to the peace of her latter days, now hurrying to their close, +it was indispensable that she should pass them undivided from me; and +possibly, as was afterwards alleged, when it became easy to allege anything, +some relenting did take place in high quarters at this time; for upon some +medical reports made just now, a most seasonable indulgence was granted, +viz. that Hannah was permitted to attend her mistress constantly; and it was +also felt as a great alleviation of the horrors belonging to this prison, +that candles were now allowed throughout the nights. But I was warned +privately that these indulgences were with no consent from the police +minister; and that circumstances might soon withdraw the momentary +intercession by which we profited. With this knowledge we could not linger +in our preparations; we had resolved upon accomplishing an escape for Agnes, +at whatever risk or price; the main difficulty was her own extreme +feebleness, which might forbid her to co-operate with us in any degree at +the critical moment; and the main danger was—delay. We pushed forward, +therefore, in our attempts with prodigious energy, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_256" id="Page_256">[Pg 256]</a></span>and I for my part with +an energy like that of insanity.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The first attempt we made was upon the fidelity to his trust of the chief +jailer. He was a coarse vulgar man, brutal in his manners, but with vestiges +of generosity in his character—though damaged a good deal by his daily +associates. Him we invited to a meeting at a tavern in the neighbourhood of +the prison, disguising our names as too certain to betray our objects, and +baiting our invitation with some hints which we had ascertained were likely +to prove temptations under his immediate circumstances. He had a graceless +young son whom he was most anxious to wean from his dissolute connections, +and to steady, by placing him in some office of no great responsibility. +Upon this knowledge we framed the terms of our invitation.</p> + +<p>These proved to be effectual, as regarded our immediate object of obtaining +an interview of persuasion. The night was wet; and at seven o'clock, the +hour fixed for the interview, we were seated in readiness, much perplexed to +know whether he would take any notice of our invitation. We had waited three +quarters of an hour, when we heard a heavy lumbering step ascending the +stair. The door was thrown open to its widest extent, and in the centre of +the door-way stood a short, stout-built man, and the very broadest I ever +beheld—staring at us with bold enquiring eyes. His salutation was something +to this effect.</p> + +<p>'What the hell do you gay fellows want with me? What the blazes is this +humbugging letter about? <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_257" id="Page_257">[Pg 257]</a></span>My son, and be hanged! what do you know of my +son?'</p> + +<p>Upon this overture we ventured to request that he would come in and suffer +us to shut the door, which we also locked. Next we produced the official +paper nominating his son to a small place in the customs,—not yielding +much, it was true, in the way of salary, but fortunately, and in accordance +with the known wishes of the father, unburdened with any dangerous trust.</p> + +<p>'Well, I suppose I must say thank ye: but what comes next? What am I to do +to pay the damages?' We informed him that for this particular little service +we asked no return.</p> + +<p>'No, no,' said he, 'that'll not go down: that cat'll not jump. I'm not green +enough for that. So, say away—what's the damage?' We then explained that we +had certainly a favour and a great one to ask: ['Ay, I'll be bound you +have,' was his parenthesis:] but that for this we were prepared to offer a +separate remuneration; repeating that with respect to the little place +procured for his son, it had not cost us anything, and therefore we did +really and sincerely decline to receive anything in return; satisfied that, +by this little offering, we had procured the opportunity of this present +interview. At this point we withdrew a covering from a table upon which we +had previously arranged a heap of gold coins, amounting in value to twelve +hundred English guineas: this being the entire sum which circumstances +allowed us to raise on so sudden a warning: for some landed property that we +both had was so settled and limited, that we could not convert it into money +either by <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_258" id="Page_258">[Pg 258]</a></span>way of sale, loan, or mortgage. This sum, stating to him its +exact amount, we offered to his acceptance, upon the single condition that +he would look aside, or wink hard, or (in whatever way he chose to express +it) would make, or suffer to be made, such facilities for our liberating a +female prisoner as we would point out. He mused: full five minutes he sat +deliberating without opening his lips; At length he shocked us by saying, in +a firm decisive tone that left us little hope of altering his +resolution,—'No: gentlemen, it's a very fair offer, and a good deal of +money for a single prisoner. I think I can guess at the person. It's a fair +offer—fair enough. But, bless your heart! if I were to do the thing you +want——why perhaps another case might be overlooked: but this prisoner, no: +there's too much depending. No, they would turn me out of my place. Now the +place is worth more to me in the long run than what you offer; though you +bid fair enough, if it were only for my time in it. But look here: in case I +can get my son to come into harness, I'm expecting to get the office for him +after I've retired. So I can't do it. But I'll tell you what: you've been +kind to my son: and therefore I'll not say a word about it. You're safe for +me. And so good-night to you.' Saying which, and standing no further +question, he walked resolutely out of the room and down-stairs.</p> + +<p>Two days we mourned over this failure, and scarcely knew which way to turn +for another ray of hope;—on the third morning we received intelligence that +this very jailer had been attacked by the fever, which, after long +desolating the city, had at <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_259" id="Page_259">[Pg 259]</a></span>length made its way into the prison. In a very +few days the jailer was lying without hope of recovery: and of necessity +another person was appointed to fill his station for the present. This +person I had seen, and I liked him less by much than the one he succeeded: +he had an Italian appearance, and he wore an air of Italian subtlety and +dissimulation. I was surprised to find, on proposing the same service to +him, and on the same terms, that he made no objection whatever, but closed +instantly with my offers. In prudence, however, I had made this change in +the articles: a sum equal to two hundred English guineas, or one-sixth part +of the whole money, he was to receive beforehand as a retaining fee; but the +remainder was to be paid only to himself, or to anybody of his appointing, +at the very moment of our finding the prison gates thrown open to us. He +spoke fairly enough, and seemed to meditate no treachery; nor was there any +obvious or known interest to serve by treachery; and yet I doubted him +grievously.</p> + +<p>The night came: it was chosen as a gala night, one of two nights throughout +the year in which the prisoners were allowed to celebrate a great national +event: and in those days of relaxed prison management the utmost license was +allowed to the rejoicing. This indulgence was extended to prisoners of all +classes, though, of course, under more restrictions with regard to the +criminal class. Ten o'clock came—the hour at which we had been instructed +to hold ourselves in readiness. We had been long prepared. Agnes had been +dressed by Hannah in such a costume externally (a man's hat and cloak, &c.) +that, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_260" id="Page_260">[Pg 260]</a></span>from her height, she might easily have passed amongst a mob of +masquerading figures in the debtors' halls and galleries for a young +stripling. Pierpoint and myself were also to a certain degree disguised; so +far at least, that we should not have been recognised at any hurried glance +by those of the prison officers who had become acquainted with our persons. +We were all more or less disguised about the face; and in that age when +masks were commonly used at all hours by people of a certain rank, there +would have been nothing suspicious in any possible costume of the kind in a +night like this, if we could succeed in passing for friends of debtors.</p> + +<p>I am impatient of these details, and I hasten over the ground. One entire +hour passed away, and no jailer appeared. We began to despond heavily; and +Agnes, poor thing! was now the most agitated of us all. At length eleven +struck in the harsh tones of the prison-clock. A few minutes after, we heard +the sound of bolts drawing, and bars unfastening. The jailer entered—drunk, +and much disposed to be insolent. I thought it advisable to give him another +bribe, and he resumed the fawning insinuation of his manner. He now directed +us, by passages which he pointed out, to gain the other side of the prison. +There we were to mix with the debtors and their mob of friends, and to await +his joining us, which in that crowd he could do without much suspicion. He +wished us to traverse the passages separately; but this was impossible, for +it was necessary that one of us should support Agnes on each side. I +previously persuaded her to take a small quantity of brandy, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_261" id="Page_261">[Pg 261]</a></span>which we +rejoiced to see had given her, at this moment of starting, a most seasonable +strength and animation. The gloomy passages were more than usually empty, +for all the turnkeys were employed in a vigilant custody of the gates, and +examination of the parties going out. So the jailer had told us, and the +news alarmed us. We came at length to a turning which brought us in sight of +a strong iron gate, that divided the two main quarters of the prison. For +this we had not been prepared. The man, however, opened the gate without a +word spoken, only putting out his hand for a fee; and in my joy, perhaps, I +gave him one imprudently large. After passing this gate, the distant uproar +of the debtors guided us to the scene of their merriment; and when there, +such was the tumult and the vast multitude assembled, that we now hoped in +good earnest to accomplish our purpose without accident. Just at this moment +the jailer appeared in the distance; he seemed looking towards us, and at +length one of our party could distinguish that he was beckoning to us. We +went forward, and found him in some agitation, real or counterfeit. He +muttered a word or two quite unintelligible about the man at the wicket, +told us we must wait a while, and he would then see what could be done for +us. We were beginning to demur, and to express the suspicions which now too +seriously arose, when he, seeing, or affecting to see some object of alarm, +pushed us with a hurried movement into a cell opening upon the part of the +gallery at which we were now standing. Not knowing whether we really might +not be retreating from some danger, we could do no otherwise than comply +with <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_262" id="Page_262">[Pg 262]</a></span>his signals; but we were troubled at finding ourselves immediately +locked in from the outside, and thus apparently all our motions had only +sufficed to exchange one prison for another.</p> + +<p>We were now completely in the dark, and found, by a hard breathing from one +corner of the little dormitory, that it was not unoccupied. Having taken +care to provide ourselves separately with means for striking a light, we +soon had more than one torch burning. The brilliant light falling upon the +eyes of a man who lay stretched on the iron bedstead, woke him. It proved to +be my friend the under-jailer, Ratcliffe, but no longer holding any office +in the prison. He sprang up, and a rapid explanation took place. He had +become a prisoner for debt; and on this evening, after having caroused +through the day with some friends from the country, had retired at an early +hour to sleep away his intoxication. I on my part thought it prudent to +entrust him unreservedly with our situation and purposes, not omitting our +gloomy suspicions. Ratcliffe looked, with a pity that won my love, upon the +poor wasted Agnes. He had seen her on her first entrance into the prison, +had spoken to her, and therefore knew <i>from</i> what she had fallen, <i>to</i> what. +Even then he had felt for her; how much more at this time, when he beheld, +by the fierce light of the torches, her wo-worn features!</p> + +<p>'Who was it,' he asked eagerly, 'you made the bargain with? Manasseh?'</p> + +<p>'The same.'</p> + +<p>'Then I can tell you this—not a greater villain walks the earth. He is a +Jew from Portugal; he <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_263" id="Page_263">[Pg 263]</a></span>has betrayed many a man, and will many another, +unless he gets his own neck stretched, which might happen, if I told all I +know.'</p> + +<p>'But what was it probable that this man meditated? Or how could it profit +him to betray us?'</p> + +<p>'That's more than I can tell. He wants to get your money, and that he +doesn't know how to bring about without doing his part. But that's what he +never <i>will</i> do, take my word for it. That would cut him out of all chance +for the head-jailer's place.' He mused a little, and then told us that he +could himself put us outside the prison-walls, and <i>would</i> do it without fee +or reward. 'But we must be quiet, or that devil will bethink him of me. I'll +wager something he thought that I was out merry-making like the rest; and if +he should chance to light upon the truth, he'll be back in no time.' +Ratcliffe then removed an old fire-grate, at the back of which was an iron +plate, that swung round into a similar fireplace in the contiguous cell. +From that, by a removal of a few slight obstacles, we passed, by a long +avenue, into the chapel. Then he left us, whilst he went out alone to +reconnoitre his ground. Agnes was now in so pitiable a condition of +weakness, as we stood on the very brink of our final effort, that we placed +her in a pew, where she could rest as upon a sofa. Previously we had stood +upon graves, and with monuments more or less conspicuous all around us: some +raised by friends to the memory of friends—some by subscriptions in the +prison—some by children, who had risen into prosperity, to the memory of a +father, brother, or other relative, who had died in captivity. I was grieved +that these sad <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_264" id="Page_264">[Pg 264]</a></span>memorials should meet the eye of my wife at this moment of +awe and terrific anxiety. Pierpoint and I were well armed, and all of us +determined not to suffer a recapture, now that we were free of the crowds +that made resistance hopeless. This Agnes easily perceived; and <i>that</i>, by +suggesting a bloody arbitration, did not lessen her agitation. I hoped +therefore that, by placing her in the pew, I might at least liberate her for +the moment from the besetting memorials of sorrow and calamity. But, as if +in the very teeth of my purpose, one of the large columns which supported +the roof of the chapel had its basis and lower part of the shaft in this +very pew. On the side of it, and just facing her as she lay reclining on the +cushions, appeared a mural tablet, with a bas-relief in white marble, to the +memory of two children, twins, who had lived and died at the same time, and +in this prison—children who had never breathed another air than that of +captivity, their parents having passed many years within these walls, under +confinement for debt. The sculptures were not remarkable, being a trite, but +not the less affecting, representation of angels descending to receive the +infants; but the hallowed words of the inscription, distinct and +legible—'Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not, for +of such is the kingdom of God'—met her eye, and, by the thoughts they +awakened, made me fear that she would become unequal to the exertions which +yet awaited her. At this moment Ratcliffe returned, and informed us that all +was right; and that, from the ruinous state of all the buildings which +surrounded the chapel, no difficulty remained for us, who were, in fact, +beyond <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_265" id="Page_265">[Pg 265]</a></span>the strong part of the prison, excepting at a single door, which we +should be obliged to break down. But had we any means arranged for pursuing +our flight, and turning this escape to account when out of confinement? All +that, I assured him, was provided for long ago. We proceeded, and soon +reached the door. We had one crow-bar amongst us, but beyond that had no +better weapons than the loose stones found about some new-made graves in the +chapel. Ratcliffe and Pierpoint, both powerful men, applied themselves by +turns to the door, whilst Hannah and I supported Agnes. The door did not +yield, being of enormous strength; but the wall did, and a large mass of +stone-work fell outwards, twisting the door aside; so that, by afterwards +working with our hands, we removed stones many enough to admit of our +egress. Unfortunately this aperture was high above the ground, and it was +necessary to climb over a huge heap of loose rubbish in order to profit by +it. My brother-in-law passed first in order to receive my wife, quite +helpless at surmounting the obstacle by her own efforts, out of my arms. He +had gone through the opening, and, turning, round so as to face me, he +naturally could see something that I did <i>not</i> see. 'Look behind!' he called +out rapidly. I did so, and saw the murderous villain Manasseh with his arm +uplifted and in the act of cutting at my wife, nearly insensible as she was, +with a cutlass. The blow was not for me, but for her, as the fugitive +prisoner; and the law would have borne him out in the act. I saw, I +comprehended the whole. I groped, as far as I could without letting my wife +drop, for my pistols; but all that I could do would <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_266" id="Page_266">[Pg 266]</a></span>have been unavailing, +and too late—she would have been murdered in my arms. But—and that was +what none of us saw—neither I, nor Pierpoint, nor the hound Manasseh—one +person stood back in the shade; one person had seen, but had not uttered a +word on seeing Manasseh advancing through the shades; one person only had +forecast the exact succession of all that was coming; me she saw embarrassed +and my hands preoccupied—Pierpoint and Ratcliffe useless by position—and +the gleam of the dog's eye directed her to his aim. The crow-bar was leaning +against the shattered wall. This she had silently seized. One blow knocked +up the sword; a second laid the villain prostrate. At this moment appeared +another of the turnkeys advancing from the rear, for the noise of our +assault upon the door had drawn attention in the interior of the prison, +from which, however, no great number of assistants could on this dangerous +night venture to absent themselves. What followed for the next few minutes +hurried onwards, incident crowding upon incident, like the motions of a +dream:—Manasseh, lying on the ground, yelled out 'The bell! the bell!' to +him who followed. The man understood, and made for the belfry-door attached +to the chapel; upon which Pierpoint drew a pistol, and sent the bullet +whizzing past his ear so truly, that fear made the man obedient to the +counter-orders of Pierpoint for the moment. He paused and awaited the +issue.—In a moment had all cleared the wall, traversed the waste ground +beyond it, lifted Agnes over the low railing, shaken hands with our +benefactor Ratcliffe and pushed onwards as rapidly as we were able to the +little dark lane, a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_267" id="Page_267">[Pg 267]</a></span>quarter of a mile distant, where had stood waiting for +the last two hours a chaise-and-four.</p> + +<p>[Ratcliffe, before my story closes, I will pursue to the last of my +acquaintance with him, according to the just claims of his services. He had +privately whispered to me, as we went along, that he could speak to the +innocence of that lady, pointing to my wife, better than anybody. He was the +person whom (as then holding an office in the prison) Barratt had attempted +to employ as agent in conveying any messages that he found it safe to +send—obscurely hinting the terms on which he would desist from prosecution. +Ratcliffe had at first undertaken the negotiation from mere levity of +character. But when the story and the public interest spread, and after +himself becoming deeply struck by the prisoner's affliction, beauty, and +reputed innocence, he had pursued it only as a means of entrapping Barratt +into such written communications and such private confessions of the truth +as might have served Agnes effectually. He wanted the art, however, to +disguise his purposes: Barratt came to suspect him violently, and feared his +evidence so far, even for those imperfect and merely oral overtures which he +had really sent through Ratcliffe—that on the very day of the trial he, as +was believed, though by another nominally, contrived that Ratcliffe should +be arrested for debt; and, after harassing him with intricate forms of +business, had finally caused him to be conveyed to prison. Ratcliffe was +thus involved in his own troubles at the time; and afterwards supposed that, +without written documents to support his evidence, he could not be of much +service to the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_268" id="Page_268">[Pg 268]</a></span>re-establishment of my wife's reputation. Six months after +his services in the night-escape from the prison, I saw him, and pressed him +to take the money so justly forfeited to him by Manasseh's perfidy. He +would, however, be persuaded to take no more than paid his debts. A second +and a third time his debts were paid by myself and Pierpoint. But the same +habits of intemperance and dissolute pleasure which led him into these +debts, finally ruined his constitution; and he died, though otherwise of a +fine generous manly nature, a martyr to dissipation at the early age of +twenty-nine. With respect to his prison confinement, it was so frequently +recurring in his life, and was alleviated by so many indulgences, that he +scarcely viewed it as a hardship: having once been an officer of the prison, +and having thus formed connections with the whole official establishment, +and done services to many of them, and being of so convivial a turn, he was, +even as a prisoner, treated with distinction, and considered as a privileged +son of the house.]</p> + +<p>It was just striking twelve o'clock as we entered the lane where the +carriage was drawn up. Rain, about the profoundest I had ever witnessed, was +falling. Though near to midsummer, the night had been unusually dark to +begin with, and from the increasing rain had become much more so. We could +see nothing; and at first we feared that some mistake had occurred as to the +station of the carriage—in which case we might have sought for it vainly +through the intricate labyrinth of the streets in that quarter. I first +descried it by the light of a torch, reflected powerfully from the large +eyes of the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_269" id="Page_269">[Pg 269]</a></span>leaders. All was ready. Horse-keepers were at the horses' +heads. The postilions were mounted; each door had the steps let down: Agnes +was lifted in: Hannah and I followed: Pierpoint mounted his horse; and at +the word—Oh! how strange a word!—'<i>All's right</i>,' the horses sprang off +like leopards, a manner ill suited to the slippery pavement of a narrow +street. At that moment, but we valued it little indeed, we heard the +prison-bell ringing out loud and clear. Thrice within the first three +minutes we had to pull up suddenly, on the brink of formidable accidents, +from the dangerous speed we maintained, and which, nevertheless, the driver +had orders to maintain, as essential to our plan. All the stoppages and +hinderances of every kind along the road had been anticipated previously, +and met by contrivance, of one kind or other; and Pierpoint was constantly a +little ahead of us to attend to anything that had been neglected. The +consequence of these arrangements was—- that no person along the road could +possibly have assisted to trace us by anything in our appearance: for we +passed all objects at too flying a pace, and through darkness too profound, +to allow of any one feature in our equipage being distinctly noticed. Ten +miles out of town, a space which we traversed in forty-four minutes, a +second relay of horses was ready; but we carried on the same postilions +throughout. Six miles a-head of this distance we had a second relay; and +with this set of horses, after pushing two miles further along the road, we +crossed by a miserable lane five miles long, scarcely even a bridge road, +into another of the great roads from the capital; and by thus crossing the +country, we came back upon the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_270" id="Page_270">[Pg 270]</a></span>city at a point far distant from that at +which we left it. We had performed a distance of forty-two miles in three +hours, and lost a fourth hour upon the wretched five miles of cross-road. It +was therefore four o'clock, and broad daylight, when we drew near the +suburbs of the city; but a most happy accident now favoured us; a fog the +most intense now prevailed; nobody could see an object six feet distant; we +alighted in an uninhabited new-built street, plunged into the fog, thus +confounding our traces to any observer. We then stepped into a hackney-coach +which had been stationed at a little distance. Thence, according to our +plan, we drove to a miserable quarter of the town, whither the poor only and +the wretched resorted; mounted a gloomy dirty staircase, and, befriended by +the fog, still growing thicker and thicker, and by the early hour of the +morning, reached a house previously hired, which, if shocking to the eye and +the imagination from its squalid appearance and its gloom, still was a +home—a sanctuary—an asylum from treachery, from captivity, from +persecution. Here Pierpoint for the present quitted us: and once more Agnes, +Hannah, and I, the shattered members of a shattered family, were thus +gathered together in a house of our own.</p> + +<p>Yes: once again, daughter of the hills, thou sleptst as heretofore in my +encircling arms; but not again in that peace which crowned thy innocence in +those days, and should have crowned it now. Through the whole of our flying +journey, in some circumstances at its outset strikingly recalling to me that +blessed one which followed our marriage, Agnes slept away unconscious of our +movements. She slept through all <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_271" id="Page_271">[Pg 271]</a></span>that day and the following night; and I +watched over her with as much jealousy of all that might disturb her, as a +mother watches over her new-born baby; for I hoped, I fancied, that a +long—long rest, a rest, a halcyon calm, a deep, deep Sabbath of security, +might prove healing and medicinal. I thought wrong; her breathing became +more disturbed, and sleep was now haunted by dreams; all of us, indeed, were +agitated by dreams; the past pursued me, and the present, for high rewards +had been advertised by Government to those who traced us; and though for the +moment we were secure, because we never went abroad, and could not have been +naturally sought in such a neighbourhood, still that very circumstance would +eventually operate against us. At length, every night I dreamed of our +insecurity under a thousand forms; but more often by far my dreams turned +upon our wrongs; wrath moved me rather than fear. Every night, for the +greater part, I lay painfully and elaborately involved, by deep sense of +wrong,</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">'——in long orations, which I pleaded</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Before unjust tribunals.'<a name="FNanchor_20_20" id="FNanchor_20_20"></a><a href="#Footnote_20_20" class="fnanchor">[20]</a></span><br /> +</p> + +<p>And for poor Agnes, her also did the remembrance of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_272" id="Page_272">[Pg 272]</a></span> mighty wrongs occupy +through vast worlds of sleep in the same way—though coloured by that +tenderness which belonged to her gentler nature. One dream in particular—a +dream of sublime circumstances—she repeated to me so movingly, with a +pathos so thrilling, that by some profound sympathy it transplanted itself +to my own sleep, settled itself there, and is to this hour a part of the +fixed dream-scenery which revolves at intervals through my sleeping life. +This it was:—She would hear a trumpet sound—though perhaps as having been +the prelude to the solemn entry of the judges at a town which she had once +visited in her childhood; other preparations would follow, and at last all +the solemnities of a great trial would shape themselves and fall into +settled images. The audience was assembled, the judges were arrayed, the +court was set. The prisoner was cited. Inquest was made, witnesses were +called; and false witnesses came tumultuously to the bar. Then again a +trumpet was heard, but the trumpet of a mighty archangel; and then would +roll away thick clouds and vapours. Again the audience, but another +audience, was assembled; again the tribunal was established; again the court +was set; but a tribunal and a court—how different to her! <i>That</i> had been +composed of men seeking indeed for truth, but themselves erring and fallible +creatures; the witnesses had been full of lies, the judges of darkness. But +here was a court composed of heavenly witnesses—here was a righteous +tribunal—and then at last a judge that could not be deceived. The judge +smote with his eye a person who sought to hide himself in the crowd; the +guilty man stepped forward; the poor prisoner was called <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_273" id="Page_273">[Pg 273]</a></span>up to the presence +of the mighty judge; suddenly the voice of a little child was heard +ascending before her. Then the trumpet sounded once again; and then there +were new heavens and a new earth; and her tears and her agitation (for she +had seen her little Francis) awoke the poor palpitating dreamer.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Two months passed on: nothing could possibly be done materially to raise the +standard of those wretched accommodations which the house offered. The +dilapidated walls, the mouldering plaster, the blackened mantel-pieces, the +stained and polluted wainscots—what could be attempted to hide or to repair +all this by those who durst not venture abroad? Yet whatever could be done, +Hannah did, and, in the meantime, very soon indeed my Agnes ceased to see or +to be offended by these objects. First of all her sight went from her; and +nothing which appealed to that sense could ever more offend her. It is to me +the one only consolation I have, that my presence and that of Hannah, with +such innocent frauds as we concerted together, made her latter days pass in +a heavenly calm, by persuading her that our security was absolute, and that +all search after us had ceased, under a belief on the part of Government +that we had gained the shelter of a foreign land. All this was a delusion; +but it was a delusion—blessed be Heaven!—which lasted exactly as long as +her life, and was just commensurate with its necessity. I hurry over the +final circumstances.</p> + +<p>There was fortunately now, even for me, no fear that the hand of any +policeman or emissary of justice could effectually disturb the latter days +of my wife; <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_274" id="Page_274">[Pg 274]</a></span>for, besides pistols always lying loaded in an inner room, +there happened to be a long narrow passage on entering the house, which, by +means of a blunderbuss, I could have swept effectually, and cleared many +times over; and I know what to do in a last extremity. Just two months it +was, to a day, since we had entered the house; and it happened that the +medical attendant upon Agnes, who awakened no suspicion by his visits, had +prescribed some opiate or anodyne which had not come; being dark early, for +it was now September, I had ventured out to fetch it. In this I conceived +there could be no danger. On my return I saw a man examining the fastenings +of the door. He made no opposition to my entrance, nor seemed much to +observe it—but I was disturbed. Two hours after, both Hannah and I heard a +noise about the door, and voices in low conversation. It is remarkable that +Agnes heard this also—so quick had grown her hearing. She was agitated, but +was easily calmed; and at ten o'clock we were all in bed. The hand of Agnes +was in mine; so only she felt herself in security. She had been restless for +an hour, and talking at intervals in sleep. Once she certainly wakened, for +she pressed her lips to mine. Two minutes after, I heard something in her +breathing which did not please me. I rose hastily—brought a light—raised +her head—two long, long gentle sighs, that scarcely moved the lips, were +all that could be perceived. At that moment, at that very moment, Hannah +called out to me that the door was surrounded. 'Open it!' I said; six men +entered; Agnes it was they sought; I pointed to the bed; they advanced, +gazed, and walked away in silence.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_275" id="Page_275">[Pg 275]</a></span></p> + +<p>After this I wandered about, caring little for life or its affairs, and +roused only at times to think of vengeance upon all who had contributed to +lay waste my happiness. In this pursuit, however, I was confounded as much +by my own thoughts as by the difficulties of accomplishing my purpose. To +assault and murder either of the two principal agents in this tragedy, what +would it be, what other effect could it have, than to invest them with the +character of injured and suffering people, and thus to attract a pity or a +forgiveness at least to their persons which never otherwise could have +illustrated their deaths? I remembered, indeed, the words of a sea-captain +who had taken such vengeance as had offered at the moment upon his bitter +enemy and persecutor (a young passenger on board his ship), who had informed +against him at the Custom-house on his arrival in port, and had thus +effected the confiscation of his ship, and the ruin of the captain's family. +The vengeance, and it was all that circumstances allowed, consisted in +coming behind the young man clandestinely and pushing him into the deep +waters of the dock, when, being unable to swim, he perished by drowning. +'And the like,' said the captain, when musing on his trivial vengeance, 'and +the like happens to many an honest sailor.' Yes, thought I, the captain was +right. The momentary shock of a pistol-bullet—what is it? Perhaps it may +save the wretch after all from the pangs of some lingering disease; and then +again I shall have the character of a murderer, if known to have shot him; +he will with many people have no such character, but at worst the character +of a man too harsh (they will say), and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_276" id="Page_276">[Pg 276]</a></span>possibly mistaken in protecting his +property. And then, if not known as the man who shot him, where is the +shadow even of vengeance? Strange, it seemed to me, and passing strange, +that I should be the person to urge arguments in behalf of letting this man +escape. For at one time I had as certainly, as inexorably, doomed him as +ever I took any resolution in my life. But the fact is, and I began to see +it upon closer view, it is not easy by any means to take an adequate +vengeance for any injury beyond a very trivial standard; and that with +common magnanimity one does not care to avenge. Whilst I was in this mood of +mind, still debating with myself whether I should or should not contaminate +my hands with the blood of this monster, and still unable to shut my eyes +upon one fact, viz. that my buried Agnes could above all things have urged +me to abstain from such acts of violence, too evidently useless, listlessly +and scarcely knowing what I was in quest of, I strayed by accident into a +church where a venerable old man was preaching at the very moment I entered; +he was either delivering as a text, or repeating in the course of his +sermon, these words—'Vengeance is mine, I will repay, saith the Lord.' By +some accident also he fixed his eyes upon me at the moment; and this +concurrence with the subject then occupying my thoughts so much impressed +me, that I determined very seriously to review my half-formed purposes of +revenge; and well it was that I did so: for in that same week an explosion +of popular fury brought the life of this wretched Barratt to a shocking +termination, pretty much resembling the fate of the De Witts in Holland. And +the consequences to me were <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_277" id="Page_277">[Pg 277]</a></span>such, and so full of all the consolation and +indemnification which this world could give me, that I have often shuddered +since then at the narrow escape I had had from myself intercepting this +remarkable retribution. The villain had again been attempting to play off +the same hellish scheme with a beautiful young rustic which had succeeded in +the case of my ill-fated Agnes. But the young woman in this instance had a +high, and, in fact, termagant spirit. Rustic as she was, she had been warned +of the character of the man; everybody, in fact, was familiar with the +recent tragedy. Either her lover or her brother happened to be waiting for +her outside the window. He saw in part the very tricks in the act of +perpetration by which some article or other, meant to be claimed as stolen +property, was conveyed into a parcel she had incautiously laid down. He +heard the charge against her made by Barratt, and seconded by his +creatures—heard her appeal—sprang to her aid—dragged the ruffian into the +street, when in less time than the tale could be told, and before the police +(though tolerably alert) could effectually interpose for his rescue, the mob +had so used or so abused the opportunity they had long wished for, that he +remained the mere disfigured wreck of what had once been a man, rather than +a creature with any resemblance to humanity. I myself heard the uproar at a +distance, and the shouts and yells of savage exultation; they were sounds I +shall never forget, though I did not at that time know them for what they +were, or understood their meaning. The result, however, to me was something +beyond this, and worthy to have been purchased with my heart's <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_278" id="Page_278">[Pg 278]</a></span>blood. +Barratt still breathed; spite of his mutilations he could speak; he was +rational. One only thing he demanded—it was that his dying confession might +be taken. Two magistrates and a clergyman attended. He gave a list of those +whom he had trepanned, and had failed to trepan, by his artifices and +threats, into the sacrifice of their honour. He expired before the record +was closed, but not before he had placed my wife's name in the latter list +as the one whose injuries in his dying moments most appalled him. This +confession on the following day went into the hands of the hostile minister, +and my revenge was perfect.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_279" id="Page_279">[Pg 279]</a></span></p> + +<h2><a name="MR_SCHNACKENBERGER" id="MR_SCHNACKENBERGER"></a>MR. SCHNACKENBERGER;</h2> + +<h5>OR,</h5> + +<h3>TWO MASTERS FOR ONE DOG.</h3> + +<h5>FROM THE GERMAN.</h5> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_I" id="CHAPTER_I"></a>CHAPTER I.</h3> + +<h4>IN WHAT MANNER MR. SCHNACKENBERGER MADE HIS ENTRY INTO B——.</h4> + + +<p>The sun had just set, and all the invalids at the baths of B—— had retired +to their lodgings, when the harsh tones of welcome from the steeple +announced the arrival of a new guest. Forthwith all the windows were +garrisoned with young faces and old faces, pretty faces and ugly faces; and +scarce one but was overspread with instantaneous merriment—a <i>feu-de-joie</i> +of laughter, that travelled up the street in company with the very +extraordinary object that now advanced from the city gates. Upon a little, +meagre, scare-crow of a horse, sate a tall, broad-shouldered young fellow, +in a great-coat of bright pea-green, whose variegated lights and shades, +from soaking rains and partial dryings, bore sullen testimony to the +changeable state of the weather for the last week. Out of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_280" id="Page_280">[Pg 280]</a></span>this great-coat +shot up, to a monstrous height, a head surmounted by a huge cocked hat, one +end of which hung over the stem, the other over the stern of the horse: the +legs belonging to this head were sheathed in a pair of monstrous boots, +technically called 'field-pieces,' which, descending rather too low, were +well plaistered with flesh-coloured mud. More, perhaps, in compliance with +the established rule, than for any visible use, a switch was in the rider's +hand; for to attribute to such a horse, under such a load, any power to have +quitted a pace that must have satisfied the most rigorous police in Poland, +was obviously too romantic. Depending from his side, and almost touching the +ground, rattled an enormous back-sword, which suggested to the thinking mind +a salutary hint to allow free passage, without let or unseasonable jesting, +to Mr. Jeremiah Schnackenberger, student at the University of X——. He, +that might be disposed to overlook this hint, would certainly pay attention +to a second, which crept close behind the other in the shape of a monstrous +dog, somewhat bigger than the horse, and presenting on every side a double +tier of most respectable teeth. Observing the general muster of the natives, +which his appearance had called to the windows, the rider had unslung and +mounted a pipe, under whose moving canopy of clouds and vapours he might +advance in greater tranquillity: and during this operation, his very +thoughtful and serious horse had struck up a by-street—and made a dead +stop, before his rider was aware, at the sign of the Golden Sow.</p> + +<p>Although the gold had long since vanished from the stone beast, and, to say +the truth, every part of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_281" id="Page_281">[Pg 281]</a></span>the house seemed to sympathise admirably with the +unclean habits of its patron image, nevertheless, Mr. Jeremiah thought +proper to comply with the instincts of his horse; and, as nobody in the +street, or in the yard, came forward to answer his call, he gave himself no +further trouble, but rode on through the open door right forwards into the +bar.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_II" id="CHAPTER_II"></a>CHAPTER II.</h3> + +<h4>HOW MR. JEREMIAH CAME TO TAKE UP HIS QUARTERS AT THE GOLDEN SOW.</h4> + + +<p>'The Lord, and his angels, protect us!—As I live, here comes the late +governor!' ejaculated the hostess, Mrs. Bridget Sweetbread; suddenly +startled out of her afternoon's nap by the horse's hoofs—and seeing right +before her what she took for the apparition of Don Juan; whom, as it +afterwards appeared, she had seen in a pantomime the night before.</p> + +<p>'Thunder and lightning! my good woman,' said the student laughing, 'would +you dispute the reality of my flesh and blood?'</p> + +<p>Mrs. Bridget, however, on perceiving her mistake, cared neither for the +sword nor for the dog, but exclaimed, 'Why then, let me tell you, Sir, it's +not the custom in this country to ride into parlours, and disturb honest +folks when they're taking their rest. Innkeeping's not the trade it has been +to me, God he knows: but, for all that, I'll not put up with such work from +nobody.'</p> + +<p>'Good, my dear creature; what you say is good—very good: but let me tell +you, it's <i>not</i> good that I <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_282" id="Page_282">[Pg 282]</a></span>must be kept waiting in the street, and no soul +in attendance to take my horse and feed him.'</p> + +<p>'Oh, that base villain of a hostler!' said the landlady, immediately begging +pardon, and taking hold of the bridle, whilst Mr. Schnackenberger +dismounted.</p> + +<p>'That's a good creature,' said he; 'I love you for this: and I don't care if +I take up my quarters here, which at first was not my intention. Have you +room for me?'</p> + +<p>'Room!' answered Mrs. Sweetbread; 'ah! now there's just the whole Golden Sow +at your service; the more's the pity.'</p> + +<p>On Mr. Jeremiah's asking the reason for this superfluity of room, she poured +out a torrent of abuse against the landlord of <i>The Double-barrelled Gun</i>, +who—not content with having at all times done justice to his sign—had +latterly succeeded, with the help of vicious coachmen and unprincipled +postilions, in drawing away her whole business, and had at length utterly +ruined the once famous inn of <i>The Golden Sow</i>. And true it was that the +apartment, into which she now introduced her guest, showed some vestiges of +ancient splendour, in the pictures of six gigantic sows. The late landlord +had been a butcher, and had christened his inn from his practice of +slaughtering a pig every week; and the six swine, as large as life, and each +bearing a separate name, were designed to record his eminent skill in the +art of fattening.</p> + +<p>His widow, who was still in mourning for him, must certainly have understood +Mr. Schnackenberger's words, '<i>I love you for this</i>,' in a sense very little +intended by the student. For she brought up supper herself; and, with her +own hand, unarmed with spoon <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_283" id="Page_283">[Pg 283]</a></span>or other implement, dived after and secured a +little insect which was floundering about in the soup. So much the greater +was her surprise on observing, that, after such flattering proofs of +attention, her guest left the soup untouched; and made no particular +application to the other dishes—so well harmonising with the general +character of the Golden Sow. At last, however, she explained his want of +appetite into the excess of his passion for herself; and, on that +consideration, failed not to lay before him a statement of her flourishing +circumstances, and placed in a proper light the benefits of a marriage with +a woman somewhat older than himself.</p> + +<p>Mr. Schnackenberger, whose good-nature was infinite, occasionally +interrupted his own conversation with Juno, the great dog, who meantime was +dispatching the supper without any of her master's scruples, to throw in a +'Yes,' or a 'No,'—a, 'Well,' or a 'So, so.' But at length his patience gave +way, and he started up—saying, 'Well: <i>Sufficit</i>: Now—march, old witch!' +This harmless expression she took in such ill part, that, for mere peace' +sake, he was obliged to lead her to the door and shut her out: and then, +undressing himself, he stepped into bed; and, in defiance of the straw which +everywhere stuck out, and a quilt of a hundred-weight,<a name="FNanchor_21_21" id="FNanchor_21_21"></a><a href="#Footnote_21_21" class="fnanchor">[21]</a> he sunk into a +deep slumber under the agreeable serenade of those clamorous outcries which +Mrs. Sweetbread still kept up on the outside of the door.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_III" id="CHAPTER_III"></a>CHAPTER III.</h3> + +<h4>IN WHICH OUR HERO POLISHES A ROUGH-RIDER.</h4> + + +<p>'Fire and furies!' exclaimed Mr. Schnackenberger, as Juno broke out into +uproarious barking about midnight: the door was opened from the outside; and +in stepped the landlady, arrayed in a night-dress that improved her charms +into a rivalry with those of her sign at the street-door; accompanied by a +fellow, who, by way of salutation, cracked an immense hunting-whip.</p> + +<p>'So it's here that I'm to get my own again?' cried the fellow: and forthwith +Mr. Jeremiah stepped out of bed, and hauled him up to the light of the lamp +which the landlady carried.</p> + +<p>'Yes, Sir,' said, the rough-rider, 'it's I, sure enough;' and, to judge by +the countenance of his female conductor, every accent of his anger was music +of the spheres to her unquenchable wrath: 'I'm the man, sure enough, whose +horse you rode away with; and <i>that</i> you'll find to be a true bill.'</p> + +<p>'Rode away with!' cried Mr. Jeremiah: 'Now, may the sweetest of all +thunderbolts——But, rascal, this instant what's to pay? then take thy +carrion out of the stable, and be off.' So saying, Mr. Schnackenberger +strode to the bed for his well-filled purse.</p> + +<p>On these signs of solvency, however, the horse-dealer turned up the gentle +phasis of his character, and said, 'Nay, nay; since things are so, why it's +all right; and, in the Lord's name, keep the horse as long as you want him.'</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_285" id="Page_285">[Pg 285]</a></span></p> + +<p>'Dog! in the first place, and firstly, tell me what's your demand? in the +second place, and secondly, go to the d——l.'</p> + +<p>But whilst the rough-rider continued with low bows to decline the first +offer, being satisfied, as it seemed, with the second, the choleric Mr. +Schnackenberger cried out, 'Seize him, Juno!' And straightway Juno leaped +upon him, and executed the arrest so punctually—that the trembling +equestrian, without further regard to ceremony, made out his charge.</p> + +<p>Forthwith Mr. Jeremiah paid down the demand upon the table, throwing in +something extra, with the words, '<i>That</i> for the fright.' The dealer in +horse-flesh returned him a thousand thanks; hoped for his honour's further +patronage; and then, upon being civilly assured by Mr. Jeremiah, that if he +did not in one instant <i>walk</i> down the stairs, he would, to his certain +knowledge, have to <i>fly</i> down them; the rough-rider, in company with the +landlady, took a rapid and polite leave of Mr. Schnackenberger; who was too +much irritated by the affront to compose himself again to sleep.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_IV" id="CHAPTER_IV"></a>CHAPTER IV.</h3> + +<h4>HOW MR. SCHNACKENBERGER AND JUNO CONDUCT THEMSELVES WHEN THE HOUSE BECOMES +TOO HOT TO HOLD THEM.</h4> + + +<p>Day was beginning to dawn, when a smoke, which forced its way through the +door, and which grew every instant thicker and more oppressive, a second +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_286" id="Page_286">[Pg 286]</a></span>time summoned Mr. Schnackenberger from his bed. As he threw open the door, +such a volume of flames rolled in from the staircase—which was already on +fire from top to bottom—that he saw there was no time to be lost: so he +took his pipe, loaded it as quickly as possible, lighted it from the flames +of the staircase, began smoking, and then, drawing on his pea-green coat and +buckling on his sword, he put his head out of the window to see if there +were any means of escape. To leap right down upon the pavement seemed too +hazardous; and the most judicious course, it struck him, would be to let +himself down upon the Golden Sow, which was at no great depth below his +window, and from this station to give the alarm. Even this, however, could +not be reached without a leap: Mr. Schnackenberger attempted it; and, by +means of his great talents for equilibristic exercises, he hit the mark so +well, that he planted himself in the very saddle, as it were, upon the back +of this respectable brute. Unluckily, however, there was no house opposite; +and Mrs. Sweetbread with her people slept at the back. Hence it was, that +for a very considerable space of time he was obliged to continue riding the +sign of the Golden Sow; whilst Juno, for whom he could not possibly make +room behind him, looked out of the window, and accompanied her master's text +of occasional clamours for assistance, with a very appropriate commentary of +howls.</p> + +<p>Some Poles at length passed by: but, not understanding one word of +German—and seeing a man thus betimes in the morning mounted on the golden +sow, smoking very leisurely, and occasionally hallooing, as if for his +private amusement, they naturally took Mr. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_287" id="Page_287">[Pg 287]</a></span>Schnackenberger for a maniac: +until, at length, the universal language of fire, which now began to burst +out of the window, threw some light upon the darkness of their Polish +understandings. Immediately they ran for assistance, which about the same +moment the alarm-bells began to summon.</p> + +<p>However, the fire-engines arrived on the ground before the ladders: these +last were the particular objects of Mr. Jeremiah's wishes: meantime, in +default of those, and as the second best thing that could happen, the +engines played with such a well-directed stream of water upon the +window—upon the Golden Sow—and upon Mr. Jeremiah Schnackenberger, that for +one while they were severally rendered tolerably fire-proof. When at length +the ladders arrived, and the people were on the point of applying them to +the Golden Sow, he earnestly begged that they would, first of all, attend to +a case of more urgent necessity: for himself, he was well mounted—as they +saw; could assure them that he was by no means in a combustible state; and, +if they would be so good as to be a little more parsimonious with their +water, he didn't care if he continued to pursue his morning's ride a little +longer. On the other hand, Juno at the window to the right was reduced every +moment to greater extremities, as was pretty plainly indicated by the +increasing violence of her howling.</p> + +<p>But the people took it ill that they should be desired to rescue a +four-legged animal; and peremptorily refused.</p> + +<p>'My good lads,' said the man upon the sow, 'for heaven's sake don't delay +any longer: one heaven, as Pfeffel observes, is over all good creatures that +are <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_288" id="Page_288">[Pg 288]</a></span>pilgrims on this earth—let their travelling coat (which by the way is +none of their own choosing) be what it may;—smooth like yours and mine, or +shaggy like Juno's.'</p> + +<p>But all to no purpose: not Pfeffel himself <i>in propriâ personâ</i> could have +converted them from the belief that to take any trouble about such a brute +was derogatory to the honour of the very respectable citizens of B——.</p> + +<p>However, when Mr. Jeremiah drew his purse-strings, and offered a golden +ducat to him that would render this service to his dog, instantly so many +were the competitors for the honour of delivering the excellent pilgrim in +the shaggy coat, that none of them would resign a ladder to any of the rest: +and thus, in this too violent zeal for her safety, possibly Juno would have +perished—but for a huge Brunswick sausage, which, happening to go past in +the mouth of a spaniel, violently irritated the appetite of Juno, and gave +her courage for the <i>salto mortale</i> down to the pavement.</p> + +<p>'God bless my soul,' said Mr. Schnackenberger, to the men who stood mourning +over the golden soap-bubble that had just burst before their eyes, 'what's +to be done now?' and, without delay, he offered the ducat to him that would +instantly give chase to Juno, who had already given chase to the sausage +round the street corner, and would restore her to him upon the spot. And +such was the agitation of Mr. Schnackenberger's mind, that for a few moments +he seemed as if rising in his stirrups—and on the point of clapping spurs +to the Golden Sow for the purpose of joining in the chase.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_289" id="Page_289">[Pg 289]</a></span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_V" id="CHAPTER_V"></a>CHAPTER V.</h3> + +<h4>FROM WHICH MAY BE DESCRIED THE OBJECT OF MR. SCHNACKENBERGER'S JOURNEY TO +B——, AND A PROSPECT OF AN INTRODUCTION TO HIGH LIFE.</h4> + + +<p>Mr. Schnackenberger's consternation was, in fact, not without very rational +grounds. The case was this. Juno was an English bitch—infamous for her +voracious appetite in all the villages, far and wide, about the +university—and, indeed, in all respects, without a peer throughout the +whole country. Of course, Mr. Schnackenberger was much envied on her account +by a multitude of fellow students; and very large offers were made him for +the dog. To all such overtures, however, the young man had turned a deaf ear +for a long time, and even under the heaviest pecuniary distresses; though he +could not but acknowledge to himself that Juno brought him nothing but +trouble and vexation. For not only did this brute (generally called the +monster) make a practice of visiting other people's kitchens, and +appropriating all unguarded dainties—but she went even to the length of +disputing the title to their own property with he-cooks and she-cooks, +butchers, and butchers' wives, &c.; and whosoever had once made acquaintance +with the fore-paws of this ravenous lady, allowed her thenceforwards, +without resistance, to carry off all sausages or hams which she might choose +to sequestrate, and directly presented a bill to her master; in which bill +it commonly happened that indemnification for the fright, if not expressly +charged as one of the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_290" id="Page_290">[Pg 290]</a></span>items, had a blank space, however, left for its +consideration beneath the sum total. At length, matters came to that pass, +that the reimbursement of Juno's annual outrages amounted to a far larger +sum than Mr. Schnackenberger's own—not very frugal expenditure. On a day, +therefore, when Juno had made an entire clearance of the larder appropriated +to a whole establishment of day-labourers—and Mr. Schnackenberger had, in +consequence, been brought into great trouble in the university courts, in +his first moments of irritation he asked his friend Mr. Fabian Sebastian, +who had previously made him a large offer for the dog, whether he were still +disposed to take her on those terms. 'Undoubtedly,' said Mr. +Sebastian—promising, at the same time, to lay down the purchase money on +that day se'nnight, upon delivery of the article.</p> + +<p>Delivery of the article would, no question, have been made upon the spot, +had not the vendor repented of his bargain the next moment after it was +concluded: on that account he still kept the dog in his own possession, and +endeavoured, during the week's respite, to dispose his friend's mind to the +cancelling of the contract. He, however, insisted on the punctual fulfilment +of the treaty—letter and spirit. Never had Mr. Schnackenberger been so much +disturbed in mind as at this period. Simply with the view of chasing away +the nervous horrors which possessed his spirits, he had mounted his +scare-crow and ridden abroad into the country. A remittance, which he had +lately received from home, was still in his purse; and, said he to himself, +suppose I were just to ride <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_291" id="Page_291">[Pg 291]</a></span>off to the baths at B—— about fifteen miles +distant! Nobody would know me there; and I might at any rate keep Juno a +fortnight longer! And exactly in this way it had happened that Mr. +Schnackenberger had come to B——.</p> + +<p>At this instant, he was indebted to a lucky accident for a momentary +diversion of his thoughts from the danger which threatened him in regard to +Juno. Amongst other visitors to the baths, who were passing by at this early +hour, happened to be the Princess of * *. Her carriage drew up at the very +moment when Mr. Jeremiah, having dismounted from the sow, was descending the +ladder: with her usual gracious manner, she congratulated the student upon +his happy deliverance; and, finding that he was a countryman of her own, she +invited him to a ball which she gave on the evening of that day, in honour +of the King's birthday.</p> + +<p>Now it must be acknowledged that a ball-room was not exactly the stage on +which Mr. Schnackenberger's habits of life had qualified him for shining: +however, the pleasure of a nearer acquaintance with the interesting +princess—held out too flattering a prospect to allow of his declining her +invitation. Just at this moment Juno returned.</p> + +<p>Meantime the fire (occasioned probably by a spark falling from the +landlady's lamp amongst the straw under the staircase) had been +extinguished: and Mrs. Sweetbread, who had at length been roused at the +back, now made her appearance; and with many expressions of regret for what +had happened to Mr. Schnackenberger, who had entirely re-established himself +in her esteem by his gold-laden purse, and also by what she called his 'very +handsome behaviour' <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_292" id="Page_292">[Pg 292]</a></span>to the horse-dealer, she requested that he would be +pleased to step into one of her back rooms; at the same time, offering to +reinstate his clothes in wearable condition by drying them as rapidly as +possible: a necessity which was too clamorously urgent for immediate +attention—to allow of the dripping student's rejecting her offer.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_VI" id="CHAPTER_VI"></a>CHAPTER VI.</h3> + +<h4>IN WHAT MANNER MR. JEREMIAH PREPARED HIMSELF FOR THE BALL.</h4> + + +<p>As Mr. Jeremiah stood looking out of the window for the purpose of whiling +away a tedious forenoon, it first struck his mind—upon the sight of a +number of men dressed very differently from himself—that his wardrobe would +scarcely match with the festal splendour of the <i>fête</i> at which he was to be +present in the evening. Even if it had been possible to overlook the +tarnished lustre of his coat, not much embellished by its late watery trials +upon the golden sow, yet he could not possibly make his appearance in a +surtout. He sent therefore to one tailor after another: but all assured him +that they had their hands much too full of business to undertake the +conversion of his surtout into a dress coat against the evening; still less +could they undertake to make a new one. Just as vainly did he look about for +shoes: many were on sale; but none of them with premises spacious enough to +accommodate his very respectable feet.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_293" id="Page_293">[Pg 293]</a></span></p> + +<p>All this put him into no little perplexity. True it was, that Mrs. +Sweetbread had spontaneously thrown open to his inspection the wardrobe of +her deceased husband. But even <i>he</i> had contrived to go through this world +in shoes of considerably smaller dimensions than Mr. Jeremiah demanded. And +from a pretty large choice of coats there was not one which he could turn to +account. For, to say nothing of their being one and all too short by a good +half ell, even in the very best of them he looked precisely as that man +looks who has lately slaughtered a hog, or as that man looks who designs to +slaughter a hog.</p> + +<p>Now, then, when all his plans for meeting the exigencies of his case had +turned out abortive, suddenly a bold idea struck him. In a sort of +inspiration he seized a pair of scissors, for the purpose of converting with +his own untutored hand of genius his pea-green surtout into a pea-green +frock. This operation having, in his own judgment, succeeded to a marvel, he +no longer hesitated to cut out a pair of ball shoes from his neat's-leather +'field-pieces.' Whatever equipments were still wanting could be had for +money, with the exception of a shirt; and, as to <i>that</i>, the wedding shirt +of the late Mr. Sweetbread would answer the purpose very passably.</p> + +<p>What provoked our hero most of all were the new patent shoe-buckles, the +fine points of which would not take firm hold of the coarse leather shoes, +but on every bold step burst asunder—so that he was obliged to keep his eye +warily upon them, and in consideration of their tender condition, to set his +feet down to the ground very gently.</p> + +<p>The hostess had just sunk pretty deep into her <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_294" id="Page_294">[Pg 294]</a></span>customary failing of +intoxication, when he went to her and asked how he looked in his gala dress.</p> + +<p>'Look!' said she; 'why, like a king baked in gingerbread. Ah! now, such a +man as you is the man for my money:—stout, and resolute, and active, and a +man that——'</p> + +<p>'Basta! sufficit, my dear.'</p> + +<p>'To be sure, for his professional merit, I mustn't say anything against the +late Mr. Sweetbread: No, nobody must say anything against <i>that</i>: he was the +man for slaughtering of swine; Oh! he slaughtered them, that it was +beautiful to see! pigs in particular, and pigs in general, were what he +understood. Ah! lord! to my dying day I shall never forget the great sow +that he presented to our gracious princess when she was at the baths, two +years come Michaelmas. Says her Highness to him, says she,—"Master," says +she, "one may see by your look that you understand how to fatten: anybody," +says she, "may see it in his face: a child may see it by the very look on +him. Ah!" says her Highness, "he's the man for swine: he was born to +converse with hogs: he's a heaven-born curer of bacon."—Lord! Mr. +Schnackenberger, you'll not believe how these gracious words revived my very +heart! The tears came into my eyes, and I couldn't speak for joy. But, when +all's said and done, what's fame? what's glory? say I. A man like you is the +man for me: but for such another lazy old night-cap as the late Mr. +Sweetbread——'</p> + +<p>'Bah! sufficit, sweetheart;' at the same time squeezing her hand, which she +took as an intimation that she ought not to trouble herself with the past, +but rather look forward to a joyous futurity.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_295" id="Page_295">[Pg 295]</a></span></p> + +<p>As the hour drew near for presenting himself in the circle of the princess, +Mr. Jeremiah recommended to her the most vigilant care of Juno, from whom he +very unwillingly separated himself in these last days of their +connection—and not until he had satisfied himself that it was absolutely +impossible to take her with him to the ball. Another favourite, namely, his +pipe, ought also, he feared, in strict propriety to be left behind. But in +the first place, 'who knows,' thought he, 'but there may be one room +reserved for such ladies and gentlemen as choose to smoke?' And, secondly, +let <i>that</i> be as it might, he considered that the great <i>meerschaum</i><a name="FNanchor_22_22" id="FNanchor_22_22"></a><a href="#Footnote_22_22" class="fnanchor">[22]</a> head +of his pipe—over which he watched as over the apple of his eye—could +nowhere be so safely preserved as in his own pocket: as to any protuberance +that it might occasion, <i>that</i> he valued not at a rush. Just as little did +he care for the grotesque appearance of the mouth-piece, which in true +journeyman's fashion stuck out from the opening of his capacious pocket to a +considerable distance.</p> + +<p>'And now don't you go and forget some people in the midst of all this show +of powdered puppies,' cried the landlady after him.</p> + +<p>'Ah! my darling!' said he, laughing, 'just mind Juno: have an eye to Juno, +my darling;' and for Juno's sake he suppressed the '<i>old witch</i>,' that his +lips were itching a second time to be delivered of.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_296" id="Page_296">[Pg 296]</a></span></p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_VII" id="CHAPTER_VII"></a>CHAPTER VII.</h3> + +<h4>MR. SCHNACKENBERGER IS ENAMOURED, AND OF WHOM; AND WHAT PROSPECTS OPEN UPON +HIM IN HIS PURSUIT OF 'LA BELLE PASSION.'</h4> + + +<p>At the hotel of the princess, all the resources of good taste and +hospitality were called forth to give <i>éclat</i> to the <i>fête</i>, and do honour +to the day; and by ten o'clock, a very numerous and brilliant company had +already assembled.</p> + +<p>So much the more astounding must have been the entry of Mr. Jeremiah +Schnackenberger; who, by the way, was already familiar to the eyes of many, +from his very public entrance into the city on the preceding evening, and to +others from his morning's exhibition on the golden sow. His eyes and his +thoughts being occupied by the single image of the fascinating hostess, of +course it no more occurred to him to remark that his self-constructed coat +was detaching itself at every step from its linings, whilst the pockets of +the ci-devant surtout still displayed their original enormity of +outline—than in general it would ever have occurred to him that the <i>tout +ensemble</i> of his costume was likely to make, and <i>had</i>, in fact, made a very +great sensation.</p> + +<p>This very general attention to Mr. Schnackenberger, and the total +unconsciousness of this honour on the part of Mr. Schnackenberger himself, +did not escape the notice of the princess; and, at the first opportunity, +she dispatched a gentleman to draw his attention to the indecorum of his +dress—and to put <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_297" id="Page_297">[Pg 297]</a></span>him in the way of making the proper alterations. Laughter +and vexation struggled in Mr. Schnackenberger's mind, when he became aware +of the condition of his equipments: and he very gladly accompanied the +ambassador of his hostess into a private room, where clothes and shoes were +furnished him, in which he looked like any other reasonable man. On his +return to the ball-room, he lost no time in making his acknowledgments to +the princess, and explaining the cause of his unbecoming attire. The +princess, with a natural goodness of heart and true hospitality, was anxious +to do what she could to restore her strange guest to satisfaction with +himself, and to establish him in some credit with the company: she had +besides discovered with pleasure that amidst all his absurdities, Mr. +Schnackenberger was really a man of some ability: on these several +considerations, therefore, she exerted herself to maintain a pretty long +conversation with him; which honour Mr. Jeremiah so far misinterpreted, as +to ascribe it to an interest of a very tender character. To Mr. +Schnackenberger, who had taken up the very extraordinary conceit that his +large person had some attractions about it, there could naturally be nothing +very surprising in all this: and he felt himself called upon not to be +wanting to himself, but to push his good fortune. Accordingly, he kept +constantly about the person of the princess: let her move in what direction +she would, there was Mr. Jeremiah Schnackenberger at hand ready to bewitch +her with his conversation; and, having discovered that she was an amateur of +botany, and purposed visiting a botanical garden on the following day, he +besieged <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_298" id="Page_298">[Pg 298]</a></span>her with offers of his services in the capacity of guide.</p> + +<p>'Possibly, when the time comes,' said the princess, aloud, 'I shall avail +myself of your goodness;' and the visible displeasure, with which she +withdrew herself from his worrying importunities, so obviously disposed all +the bystanders to smile—that Mr. Schnackenberger himself became alive to +his own <i>bétise</i>, and a blush of shame and vexation suffused his +countenance. What served at the moment greatly to exasperate these feelings, +was the behaviour of a certain Mr. Von Pilsen—who had from the first paid +uncommon attention to the very extraordinary phenomenon presented by Mr. +Schnackenberger's person—had watched the whole course of the persecutions +with which he had distressed the princess—and at this moment seemed quite +unable to set any bounds to his laughter. In extreme dudgeon, Mr. +Schnackenberger hastened into one of the most remote apartments, and flung +himself back upon a sofa. Covering his, eyes with his hands, he saw none of +the numbers who passed by him. But the first time that he looked up, behold! +a paper was lying upon his breast. He examined it attentively; and found the +following, words written in pencil, to all appearance by a female hand: 'We +are too narrowly watched in this place. To-morrow morning about nine +o'clock! The beautiful botanic gardens will secure us a fortunate +rendezvous.'</p> + +<p>'Aye,' said Mr. Jeremiah, 'sure enough it's from her!' He read the note +again and again: and the more unhappy he had just now been, so much the more +was he now intoxicated with his dawning felicities.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_299" id="Page_299">[Pg 299]</a></span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_VIII" id="CHAPTER_VIII"></a>CHAPTER VIII.</h3> + +<h4>IN WHICH JUNO PLAYS A PRINCIPAL PART.</h4> + + +<p>The rattling of a chain through crashing glass and porcelain, which spread +alarm through the ball-room, would hardly have drawn Mr. Schnackenberger's +attention in his present condition of rapturous elevation, had not the +well-known voice of Juno reached his ears at the same moment. He hurried +after the sound—shocked, and to be shocked. The fact was simply this: Juno +had very early in the evening withdrawn herself from the <i>surveillance</i> of +the Golden Sow, and had followed her master's steps. Often ejected from the +mansion of the princess, she had as often returned; so that at last it was +thought best to chain her up in the garden. Unfortunately, a kitten +belonging to a young female attendant of the princess had suddenly run past; +Juno made a rush after it; the chain broke away from the woodwork of the +kennel; the panic-struck kitten retreated into the house—taking the first +road which presented: close upon the rear of the kitten pressed Juno and her +chain; close upon the rear of Juno pressed the young woman in anguish for +her kitten's life, and armed with a fly-flapper; and, the road happening to +lead into the ball-room, the whole train—pursuers and +pursued—helter-skelter fell into the quarters of the waltzers. The kitten +attempted to take up a position behind a plateau on one of the side-boards: +but from this she was immediately dislodged by Juno; and the retreat +commencing afresh right across the side-boards <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_300" id="Page_300">[Pg 300]</a></span>which were loaded with +refreshments, all went to wreck—glasses and china, all was afloat—sherbet +and lemonade, raspberry-vinegar and orgeat: and at the very moment when Mr. +Jeremiah returned, the belligerent powers dripping with celestial +nectar—having just charged up a column of dancers—were wheeling through +the door by which he had entered: and the first check to the wrath of Juno +was the seasonable arrest of her master's voice.</p> + +<p>That the displeasure of the dancers, who had been discomposed and +besprinkled by Juno, fell entirely upon her master, was pretty evident from +their faces. Of all the parties concerned, however, none was more irritated +than the young woman; she was standing upon the stairs, caressing and +fondling her kitten, as Mr. Schnackenberger went down, leading Juno in his +pocket-handkerchief; and she let drop some such very audible hints upon the +ill-breeding and boorishness of certain pretended gentlemen, that Mr. +Schnackenberger would, without doubt, have given her a very severe +reprimand—if he had not thought it more dignified to affect to overlook +her.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_IX" id="CHAPTER_IX"></a>CHAPTER IX.</h3> + +<h4>WHICH TREATS OF EXPERIMENTS NOT VERY COMMON AT BIRTHDAY <i>FÊTES</i>.</h4> + + +<p>'Now, my dears,' said Mr. Von Pilsen to a party who were helping him to +laugh at the departed Mr. Schnackenberger, 'as soon as the fellow returns, +we must get him into our party at supper.'<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_301" id="Page_301">[Pg 301]</a></span></p> + +<p>'Returns?' exclaimed another; 'why I should fancy he had had enough of +birthday <i>fêtes</i> for one life.'</p> + +<p>'You think so?' said Von Pilsen: 'so do not I. No, no, my good creature; I +flatter myself that I go upon pretty sure grounds: I saw those eyes which he +turned upon the princess on making his exit: and mind what I say, he takes +his beast home, and——comes back again. Therefore, be sure, and get him +amongst us at supper, and set the barrel abroach. I wouldn't for all the +world the monster should go away untapped.'</p> + +<p>The words were scarce uttered, when, sure enough, the body, or 'barrel,' of +Mr. Schnackenberger did roll into the room for a second time. Forthwith Von +Pilsen and his party made up to him; and Pilsen having first with much art +laboured to efface any suspicions which might have possessed the student's +mind in consequence of his former laughter, proceeded to thank him for the +very extraordinary sport which his dog had furnished; and protested that he +must be better acquainted with him.</p> + +<p>'Why, as to <i>that</i>,' said Mr. Schnackenberger, 'a better acquaintance must +naturally be very agreeable to me. But, in respect to the dog, and what you +call the sport, I'm quite of another opinion; and would give all I'm worth +that it had not happened.'</p> + +<p>'Oh! no,' they all declared; 'the <i>fête</i> would have wanted its most +brilliant features if Mr. Schnackenberger or his dog had been absent. No, +no: without flattery he must allow them to call him the richest fund of +amusement—the brightest attraction of the evening.' But Schnackenberger +shook his head <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_302" id="Page_302">[Pg 302]</a></span>incredulously; said he wished he could think so: but with a +deep sigh he persisted in his own opinion; in which he was the more +confirmed, when he perceived that the princess, who was now passing him to +the supper-room, turned away her eyes the moment she perceived him.</p> + +<p>In this state of mind Mr. Jeremiah naturally, but unconsciously, lent +himself to the designs of his new acquaintances. Every glass that the devil +of mischief and of merry malice poured out, did the devil of +Schnackenberger's despair drink off; until at last the latter devil was +tolerably well drowned in wine.</p> + +<p>About this time enter Juno again—being her second (and positively last) +appearance upon these boards. Mr. Jeremiah's new friends paid so much homage +to the promising appearance of her jaws, that they made room for her very +respectfully as she pressed up to her master. He, whose recent excesses in +wine had re-established Juno in the plenitude of her favour, saw with +approving calmness his female friend lay both her fore-paws on the +table—and appropriate all that remained on his plate, to the extreme +astonishment of all present.</p> + +<p>'My friend,' said Mr. Jeremiah, to a footman who was on the point of pulling +away the unbidden guest, 'don't you, for God's sake, get into any trouble. +My Juno understands no jesting on these occasions: and it might so happen +that she would leave a mark of her remembrance with you, that you would not +forget so long as you lived.'</p> + +<p>'But I suppose, Sir, you won't expect that a dog can be allowed to sup with +her Highness's company!'</p> + +<p>'Oh! faith, Sir, credit me—the dog is a more <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_303" id="Page_303">[Pg 303]</a></span>respectable member of society +than yourself, and many a one here present: so just leave me and my Juno +unmolested. Else I may, perhaps, take the trouble to make an example of +you.'</p> + +<p>The princess, whose attention was now drawn, made a sign to the servant to +retire; and Von Pilsen and his friends could scarcely keep down their +laughter to a well-bred key, when Mr. Schnackenberger drew his pipe from his +pocket—loaded it—lit it at one of the chandeliers over the +supper-table—and, in one minute, wrapped the whole neighbourhood in a +voluminous cloud of smoke.</p> + +<p>As some little damper to their merriment, however, Mr. Schnackenberger +addressed a few words to them from time to time:—'You laugh, gentlemen,' +said he; 'and, doubtless, there's something or other very amusing,—no +doubt, infinitely amusing, if one could but find it out. However, I could +make your appetites for laughing vanish—aye, vanish in one moment. For, +understand me now, one word—one little word from me to Juno, and, in two +minutes, the whole room shall be as empty as if it had been swept out with a +broom. Just the first that I look at, no matter whom, she catches by the +breast—aye, just you, Sir, or you, Sir, or you, Mr. Von Pilsen,' (fixing +his eye upon him) 'if I do but say—seize him, Juno!' The word had fled: and +in the twinkling of an eye, Juno's fore-paws, not over clean, were fixed in +the elegant white silk waistcoat of Mr. Von Pilsen.</p> + +<p>This scene was the signal for universal uproar and alarm. Even Mr. Jeremiah, +on remarking the general rising of the company, though totally unaware that +his harmless sport had occasioned it, rose <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_304" id="Page_304">[Pg 304]</a></span>also; called the dog off: and +comforted Von Pilsen, who was half dead with fright, by assuring him that +had he but said—'Bite him, Juno!'—matters would have ended far worse.</p> + +<p>On Mr. Schnackenberger's standing up, his bodily equilibrium was manifestly +so much endangered, that one of the company, out of mere humanity, offered +his servant to see him safe home. A slight consciousness of his own +condition induced our hero to accept of this offer: through some +misunderstanding, however, the servant led him, not to the Golden Sow, but +to the Double-barrelled Gun.</p> + +<p>Mr. Schnackenberger, on being asked for his number, said 'No. 5;' that being +the number of his room at the Golden Sow. He was accordingly shown up to No. +5: and, finding a bed under an alcove, he got into it dressed as he was; +and, in one moment, had sunk into a profound slumber.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_X" id="CHAPTER_X"></a>CHAPTER X.</h3> + +<h4>WHICH NARRATES AN ENGAGEMENT ON UNEQUAL TERMS—FIRST FOR ONE SIDE, THEN FOR +THE OTHER.</h4> + + +<p>Half an hour after came the true claimant; who, being also drunk, went right +up-stairs without troubling the waiter; and forthwith getting into bed, laid +himself right upon Mr. Jeremiah Schnackenberger.</p> + +<p>'D——n this heavy quilt,' said the student, waking up and recollecting the +hundred-pounder of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_305" id="Page_305">[Pg 305]</a></span>the preceding night; and, without further ceremony, he +kicked the supposed quilt into the middle of the room.</p> + +<p>Now began war: for the 'quilt' rose up without delay; and Mr. +Schnackenberger, who had been somewhat worse handled than his opponent by +the devil of drunkenness, would doubtless have come by the worst, had he not +in his extremity ejaculated 'Juno!' whereupon she, putting aside all selfish +considerations, which at the moment had fastened her to a leg of mutton in +the kitchen, rushed up on the summons of duty, and carried a reinforcement +that speedily turned the scale of victory. The alarm, which this hubbub +created, soon brought to the field of battle the whole population of the +inn, in a very picturesque variety of night-dresses; and the intruding guest +would in all likelihood have been kicked back to the Golden Sow; but that +the word of command to the irritated Juno, which obviously trembled on his +lips, was deemed worthy of very particular attention and respect.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XI" id="CHAPTER_XI"></a>CHAPTER XI.</h3> + +<h4>IN WHICH UNFORTUNATE LOVE MEDITATES REVENGE.</h4> + + +<p>At half-past ten on the following morning, at which time Mr. Schnackenberger +first unclosed his eyes, behold! at the foot of his bed was sitting my +hostess of the Golden Sow. 'Aye,' said she, 'I think it's time, Sir: and +it's time, I think, to let you <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_306" id="Page_306">[Pg 306]</a></span>know what it is to affront a creditable body +before all the world.'</p> + +<p>'Nay, for God's sake, old one, what's the matter?' said Mr. Schnackenberger, +laughing and sitting bolt upright in bed.</p> + +<p>'Old? Well, if I have a few more years on my head, I've a little more +thought <i>in</i> it: but, perhaps, you're not altogether so thoughtless as I've +been fancying in your actings towards me poor unfortunate widow: if that's +the case, you are a base wicked man; and you deserve—'</p> + +<p>'Why, woman, how now? Has a tarantula bit you; or what is it? Speak.'</p> + +<p>'Speak! Aye, I'll speak; and all the world shall hear me. First of all come +you riding into my bar like a crazy man: and I, good easy creature, let +myself be wheedled, carry you meat—drink—everything—with my own hands; +sit by your side; keep you in talk the whole evening, for fear you should be +tired; and, what was my reward? "March," says you, "old witch." Well, that +passed on. At midnight I am called out of my bed—for your sake: and the end +of that job is, that along of you the Sow is half burned down. But for all +that, I say never an ill word to you. I open the late Mr. Sweetbread's +clothes-presses to you: his poor innocent wedding-shirt you don over your +great shameless body; go off; leave me behind with a masterful dog, that +takes a roast leg of mutton from off the spit; and, when he should have been +beat for it, runs off with it into the street. You come back with the beast. +Not to offend you, I say never a word of what he has done. Off you go again: +well: scarce is your <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_307" id="Page_307">[Pg 307]</a></span>back turned, when the filthy carrion begins running my +rabbits up and down the yard; eats up all that he can catch; and never a one +would have been left to tell the tale, if the great giantical hostler (him +as blacked your shoes) hadn't ha' cudgelled him off. And after all this, +there are you hopping away at the ball wi' some painted doll—looking babies +in her eyes—quite forgetting me that has to sit up for you at home pining +and grieving: and all isn't enough, but at last you must trot off to another +inn.'</p> + +<p>'What then,' said Mr. Schnackenberger, 'is it fact that I'm not at the +Golden Sow?'</p> + +<p>'Charming!' said Mrs. Sweetbread; 'and so you would make believe you don't +know it; but I shall match you, or find them as will: rest you sure of +<i>that</i>.'</p> + +<p>'Children!' said Mr. Schnackenberger to the waiter and boots, who were +listening in astonishment with the door half-open; 'of all loves, rid me of +this monster.'</p> + +<p>'Aye, what!' said she in a voice of wrath; and put herself on the defensive. +But a word or two of abuse against the landlord of the Double-barrelled Gun, +which escaped her in her heat, irritated the men to that degree, that in a +few moments afterwards Mrs. Sweetbread was venting her wrath in the +street—to the wonder of all passers-by, who looked after her until she +vanished into the house of a well-known attorney.</p> + +<p>Meantime, Mr. Schnackenberger, having on inquiry learned from the waiter in +what manner he had come to the inn—and the night-scene which had followed, +was apologizing to the owner of No. 5,—when, to his <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_308" id="Page_308">[Pg 308]</a></span>great alarm the church +clock struck eleven. 'Nine,' he remembered, was the hour fixed by the +billet: and the more offence he might have given to the princess by his +absurdities over-night, of which he had some obscure recollection, so much +the more necessary was it that he should keep the appointment. The botanic +garden was two miles off: so, shutting up Juno, he ordered a horse: and in +default of boots, which, alas! existed no longer in that shape, he mounted +in silk stockings and pumps; and rode off at a hand gallop.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XII" id="CHAPTER_XII"></a>CHAPTER XII.</h3> + +<h4>MR. SCHNACKENBERGER'S ENGAGEMENT WITH AN OLD BUTTERWOMAN.</h4> + + +<p>The student was a good way advanced on his road, when he descried the +princess, attended by another lady and a gentleman approaching in an open +carriage. As soon, however, as he was near enough to be recognised by the +party in the carriage, the princess turned away her head with manifest signs +of displeasure—purely, as it appeared, to avoid noticing Mr. Jeremiah. +Scarcely, however, was the carriage past him, together with Mr. Von Pilsen, +who galloped by him in a tumult of laughter, when the ill-fate of our hero +so ordered it, that all eyes which would not notice him for his honour +should be reverted upon his disgrace. The white turnpike gate so frightened +our rider's horse, that he positively refused to pass it: neither whip nor +spur would bring him to reason. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_309" id="Page_309">[Pg 309]</a></span>Meantime, up comes an old butterwoman.<a name="FNanchor_23_23" id="FNanchor_23_23"></a><a href="#Footnote_23_23" class="fnanchor">[23]</a> +At the very moment when she was passing, the horse in his panic steps back +and deposits one of his hind legs in the basket of the butterwoman: down +comes the basket with all its eggs, rotten and sound; and down comes the old +woman, squash, into the midst of them. "Murder! Murder!" shouted the +butterwoman; and forthwith every individual thing that could command a pair +or two pair of legs ran out of the turnpike-house; the carriage of the +princess drew up, to give the ladies a distant view of Mr. Schnackenberger +engaged with the butterwoman; and Mr. Von Pilsen wheeled his horse round +into a favourable station for seeing anything the ladies might overlook. +Rage gave the old butterwoman strength; she jumped up nimbly, and seized Mr. +Schnackenberger so stoutly by the laps of his coat, that he vainly +endeavoured to extricate himself from her grasp. At this crisis, up came +Juno, and took her usual side in such disputes. But to do this with effect, +Juno found it necessary first of all to tear off the coat lap; for, the old +woman keeping such firm hold of it, how else could Juno lay her down on her +back—set her paws upon her breast—and then look up to her master, as if +asking for a certificate of having acquitted herself to his satisfaction?</p> + +<p>To rid himself of spectators, Mr. Jeremiah willingly paid the old woman the +full amount of her demand, and then returned to the city. It disturbed him +greatly, however, that the princess should thus again<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_310" id="Page_310">[Pg 310]</a></span> have seen him under +circumstances of disgrace. Anxious desire to lay open his heart before +her—and to place himself in a more advantageous light, if not as to his +body, yet at all events as to his intellect—determined him to use his +utmost interest with her to obtain a private audience; 'at which,' thought +he, 'I can easily beg her pardon for having overslept the appointed hour.'</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XIII" id="CHAPTER_XIII"></a>CHAPTER XIII.</h3> + +<h4>IN WHICH GOOD LUCK AND BAD LUCK ARE DISTRIBUTED IN EQUAL PROPORTIONS.</h4> + + +<p>The good luck seemed to have anticipated Mr. Schnackenberger's nearest +wishes. For on reaching the Double-barrelled Gun, whither he arrived without +further disturbance than that of the general gazing to which he was exposed +by the fragment of a coat which survived from the late engagement, a billet +was put into his hands of the following tenor: 'Come and explain this +evening, if you can explain, your astonishing neglect of this morning's +appointment. I shall be at the theatre; and shall do what I can to dismiss +my attendants.'</p> + +<p>But bad luck came also—in the person of a lawyer. The lawyer stated that he +called on the part of the landlady of the Golden Sow, to put the question +for the last time in civil terms, 'whether Mr. Schnackenberger were prepared +to fulfil those just expectations which he had raised in her heart; or +whether she <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_311" id="Page_311">[Pg 311]</a></span>must be compelled to pursue her claims by due course of law.'</p> + +<p>Mr. Schnackenberger was beginning to launch out with great fury upon the +shameless and barefaced impudence of such expectations: but the attorney +interrupted him; and observed with provoking coolness, 'that there was no +occasion for any warmth—no occasion in the world; that certainly Mrs. +Sweetbread could not have framed these expectations wholly out of the air: +something (and he grinned sarcastically), something, it must be supposed, +had passed: now, for instance, this wedding-shirt of the late Mr. +Sweetbread—she would hardly, I think, have resigned this to your use, Mr. +Schnackenberger, unless some engagements had preceded either in the shape of +words or of actions. However, said he, this is no part of my business: what +remains for me to do on this occasion is to present her account; and let me +add, that I am instructed to say that, if you come to a proper understanding +with her on the first point, no further notice will be taken of this last +part of my client's demand.</p> + +<p>The unfortunate Mr. Schnackenberger considered the case most ruefully and in +awful perturbation. He perspired exceedingly. However, at length—'Come, I +don't care,' said he, 'I know what I'll do:' and then sitting down, he drew +up a paper, which he presented to Mr. Attorney; at the same time, explaining +to him that, rather than be exposed in a court of justice as a supposed +lover of Mrs. Sweetbread's, he was content to pay the monstrous charges of +her bill without applying to a magistrate for his revision: but upon this +condition only, that Mrs. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_312" id="Page_312">[Pg 312]</a></span>Sweetbread should for herself, heirs, and +assigns, execute a general release with regard to Mr. Jeremiah +Schnackenberger's body, according to the form here drawn up by himself, and +should engage on no pretence whatever to set up any claim to him in times to +come.</p> + +<p>The attorney took his leave for the purpose of laying this <i>release</i> before +his client: but the landlord of the Double-barrelled Gun, to whom in +confidence Mr. Jeremiah disclosed his perilous situation, shook his head, +and said, that if the other party signed the release on the conditions +offered, it would be fortunate: as in that case, Mr. Schnackenberger would +come off on much easier terms than twenty-three other gentlemen had done, +who had all turned into the Golden Sow on different occasions, but not one +of whom had ever got clear of the Golden Sow without an expensive contest at +law. 'God bless my soul!' said Mr. Schnackenberger, who now 'funked'<a name="FNanchor_24_24" id="FNanchor_24_24"></a><a href="#Footnote_24_24" class="fnanchor">[24]</a> +enormously; 'if that's the case, she might well have so much spare room to +offer me: twenty-three gentlemen! God bless my soul!'</p> + +<p>At this instant, a servant brought back the shoes and clothes of Mr. +Schnackenberger's own manufacture, which had been pulled off and left at the +hotel of the princess. The student gave up the pumps and the borrowed coat +to the astonished servant, with an assurance that he would wait on her +Highness and make his personal excuses to her, on account of 'a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_313" id="Page_313">[Pg 313]</a></span>little +accident' which had that morning befallen the coat. He then dispatched his +own coat to a quarter where something or other might be done to fit it for +this sublunary world.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XIV" id="CHAPTER_XIV"></a>CHAPTER XIV.</h3> + +<h4>IN WHAT WAY MR. JEREMIAH SUPPLIES THE WANT OF HIS COAT.</h4> + + +<p>The play-hour was arrived; and yet no coat was forthcoming from the tailor: +on the contrary, the tailor himself was gone to the play. The landlord of +the Double-barrelled Gun, who would readily have lent one, was off upon a +rural excursion, and not expected at home before the next morning; and the +waiter, whose assistance would not have been disdained in such a pressing +emergency, was of so spare and meagre a habit, that, in spite of furious +exertions on the part of Mr. Schnackenberger, John's coat would not let +itself be entered upon by this new tenant. In this exigency, John bethought +him of an old clothesman in the neighbourhood. There he made inquiries. But +he, alas! was out on his summer rounds with his whole magazine of clothes; +no one article being left with his wife, except a great box-coat, such as is +technically called a 'dreadnought,' for which it was presumed that no demand +could possibly arise at this season of the year.</p> + +<p>On this report being made, to the great astonishment of the waiter, Mr. +Jeremiah said, 'Well, then, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_314" id="Page_314">[Pg 314]</a></span>let us have the dreadnought. If the Fates +ordain that I should go to the play in the dog-days apparelled in a +dreadnought, let not me vainly think of resisting their decrees.'</p> + +<p>'But,' said the waiter, shrugging his shoulders, 'the people——'</p> + +<p>'The what?' said Mr. Schnackenberger: 'the <i>people</i>—was it you said; the +<i>people</i>? Pray how many people do you reckon to a man? No, Sir, do as I bid +you; just bring me the dreadnought and a round hat.'</p> + +<p>The waiter obeyed: and, although the dreadnought was by one good ell too +short, yet Mr. Jeremiah exulted in his strange apparel, because he flattered +himself that in such a disguise he could preserve a strict incognito; with a +view to which he also left Juno behind, recommending her to the vigilant +attentions of the waiter.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XV" id="CHAPTER_XV"></a>CHAPTER XV.</h3> + +<h4>WHICH CONTAINS A PLAY WITHIN A PLAY.</h4> + + +<p>All the world was astonished, when from the door of the Double-barrelled Gun +a man stepped forth on the hottest day in August, arrayed as for a Siberian +winter in a dreadnought, guarded with furs, and a hat pressed down, so as +almost to cover his face. The train of curious persons who attended his +motions naturally grew larger at every step.</p> + +<p>Whosoever had hitherto doubted whether this man <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_315" id="Page_315">[Pg 315]</a></span>were mad—doubted no longer +when he was seen to enter the theatre; where in the lightest summer-clothing +the heat was scarcely supportable.</p> + +<p>Within the theatre, the attention of all people was directed so undividedly +upon himself, that even Mr. Schnackenberger began to opine that he had +undertaken something extraordinary: so much the more, thought he, will it be +prudent to hide my face, that I may not again compromise my dignity in the +presence of her Highness. But this concealment of his face raised the +strongest suspicions against him. Throughout the whole +house—pit—boxes—and galleries—there was but one subject of conversation, +viz. the man in the dreadnought; and, whilst in all other parts the house +was crowded to excess, upon his bench no soul would sit: and he <i>created</i> as +much superfluity of room as he had <i>found</i> at the Golden Sow. At length the +manager waited upon him, and requested that he would either retire from the +theatre, or that he would explain what could have induced him to make his +appearance in a costume which had spread alarm and anxiety through the +public mind; and which was likely to do a serious injury to the receipts of +the night.</p> + +<p>At this moment several children began to cry—taking him for black<a name="FNanchor_25_25" id="FNanchor_25_25"></a><a href="#Footnote_25_25" class="fnanchor">[25]</a> +Robert. The consequence was, that, as they could not be pacified, the first +scene was mere dumb show to the audience; and some giddy<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_316" id="Page_316">[Pg 316]</a></span> young people set +up a loud 'off, off, Dreadnought!' which cry was instantly seconded by the +public. Nevertheless, as the princess at that instant entered her box, Mr. +Schnackenberger, however hard pressed, thought it became him to maintain his +post to the last extremity. This extremity forthwith appeared in the shape +of three armed soldiers, who, on behalf of the police, took him into +custody. Possibly Mr. Jeremiah might have shown himself less tractable to +the requests of these superannuated antiquities—but for two considerations; +first, that an opportunity might thus offer of exchanging his dreadnought +for a less impressive costume; and, secondly, that in case of his declining +to accompany them, he saw signs abroad that a generous and enlightened +public did very probably purpose to kick him out; a conjecture which was +considerably strengthened by the universal applause which attended his exit +at quick time.</p> + +<p>Mr. Schnackenberger was escorted by an immense retinue of old street-padders +and youthful mud-larks to the city gaol. His own view of the case was, that +the public had been guilty of a row, and ought to be arrested. But the old +Mayor, who was half-deaf, comprehended not a syllable of what he said: all +his remonstrances about 'pressing business' went for nothing: and, when he +made a show of escaping upon seeing the gloomy hole into which he was now +handed, his worship threatened him with drawing out the city guard.</p> + +<p>From one of this respectable body, who brought him straw to lie upon, and +the wretched prison allowance of food, he learned that his examination could +not take place that day nor even the next; for <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_317" id="Page_317">[Pg 317]</a></span>the next was a holiday, on +which Mr. Mayor never did any business. On receiving this dolorous +information, Mr. Schnackenberger's first impulse was to knock down his +informant and run away: but a moment's consideration satisfied him—that, +though he might by this means escape from his cell, he could have no chance +of forcing the prison gates.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XVI" id="CHAPTER_XVI"></a>CHAPTER XVI.</h3> + +<h4>IN WHAT WAY MR. JEREMIAH ESCAPES; AND WHAT HE FINDS IN THE STREET.</h4> + + +<p>A most beautiful moonlight began at this juncture to throw its beams in the +prison, when Mr. Schnackenberger, starting up from his sleepless couch, for +pure rage, seized upon the iron bars of his window, and shook them with a +fervent prayer, that instead of bars it had pleased God to put Mr. Mayor +within his grasp. To his infinite astonishment, the bars were more obedient +to his wrath than could have been expected. One shake more, and like a row +of carious teeth they were all in Mr. Schnackenberger's hand.</p> + +<p>It may be supposed that Mr. Schnackenberger lost no time in using his good +fortune; indeed, a very slight jump would suffice to place him at liberty. +Accordingly, when the sentinel had retired to a little distance, he flung +his dreadnought out of the window—leaped upon it—and stood without injury +on the outside of the prison.</p> + +<p>'Who goes there?' cried the alarmed sentinel, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_318" id="Page_318">[Pg 318]</a></span>coyly approaching the spot +from which the noise issued.</p> + +<p>'Nobody,' said the fugitive: and by way of answer to the challenge—'Speak, +or I must fire'—which tremulously issued from the lips of the city hero, +Mr. Schnackenberger, gathering up his dreadnought to his breast, said in a +hollow voice, 'Fellow, thou art a dead man.'</p> + +<p>Straightway the armed man fell upon his knees before him, and cried +out—'ah! gracious Sir! have mercy upon me. I am a poor wig-maker; and a bad +trade it is; and I petitioned his worship, and have done for this many a +year, to be taken into the city guard; and yesterday I passed—'</p> + +<p>'Passed what?'</p> + +<p>'Passed my examination, your honour:—his worship put me through the manual +exercise: and I was 'triculated into the corps. It would be a sad thing, +your honour, to lose my life the very next day after I was 'triculated.'</p> + +<p>'Well,' said Mr. Jeremiah, who with much ado forbore laughing immoderately, +'for this once I shall spare your life: but then remember—not a word, no +sound or syllable.'</p> + +<p>'Not one, your honour, I vow to heaven.'</p> + +<p>'And down upon the spot deliver me your coat, side arms, and hat.'</p> + +<p>But the martial wig-maker protested that, being already ill of a cold, he +should, without all doubt, perish if he were to keep guard in his +shirt-sleeves.</p> + +<p>'Well, in that case, this dreadnought will be a capital article: allow me to +prescribe it—it's an excellent sudorific.'<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_319" id="Page_319">[Pg 319]</a></span></p> + +<p>Necessity has no law: and so, to save his life, the city hero, after some +little struggle, submitted to this unusual exchange.</p> + +<p>'Very good!' said Mr. Schnackenberger, as the warrior in the dreadnought, +after mounting his round hat, again shouldered his musket:—'Now, +good-night;' and so saying, he hastened off to the residence of the Mayor.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XVII" id="CHAPTER_XVII"></a>CHAPTER XVII.</h3> + +<h4>MR. JEREMIAH'S NIGHT INTERVIEW WITH THE MAYOR UPON STATE AFFAIRS.</h4> + + +<p>'Saints in heaven! is this the messenger of the last day?' screamed out a +female voice, as the doorbell rang out a furious alarum—peal upon +peal—under that able performer, Mr. Jeremiah Schnackenberger. She hastened +to open the door; but, when she beheld a soldier in the state uniform, she +assured him it was all over with him; for his worship was gone to bed; and, +when <i>that</i> was the case, he never allowed of any disturbance without making +an example.</p> + +<p>'Aye, but I come upon state business.'</p> + +<p>'No matter,' said the old woman, 'it's all one: when his worship sleeps, +business must sleep: that's the law, I'll assure you, and <i>has</i> been any +time since I can think on. He always commits, at the least.'</p> + +<p>'Very likely; but I <i>must</i> speak to him.'</p> + +<p>'Well, then, take the consequences on yourself,' said she: 'recollect, +you're a state soldier; you'll be brought to a court-martial; you'll be +shot.'<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_320" id="Page_320">[Pg 320]</a></span></p> + +<p>'Ah! well: that's <i>my</i> concern.'</p> + +<p>'Mighty well,' said the old woman: 'one may as well speak to the wind. +However, <i>I</i>'ll get out the way: <i>I</i>'ll not come near the hurricane. And +don't you say, I didn't warn you.'</p> + +<p>So saying, she let him up to her master's bed-room door, and then trotted +off as fast and as far as she could.</p> + +<p>At this moment Mr. Mayor, already wakened and discomposed by the violent +tintinnabulation, rushed out: 'What!' said he, 'am I awake? Is it a +guardsman that has this audacity?'</p> + +<p>'No guardsman, Mr. Mayor,' said our hero; in whose face his worship was +vainly poring with the lamp to spell out the features of some one amongst +the twelve members of the state-guard; 'no guardsman, but a gentleman that +was apprehended last night at the theatre.'</p> + +<p>'Ah!' said the Mayor, trembling in every limb, 'a prisoner, and escaped? And +perhaps has murdered the guard?—What would you have of me—me, a poor, +helpless, unfortunate man?'</p> + +<p>And, at every word he spoke, he continued to step back towards a bell that +lay upon the table.</p> + +<p>'<i>Basta</i>,' said Mr. Schnackenberger, taking the bell out of his hands. 'Mr. +Mayor, I'm just the man in the dreadnought. And I've a question to ask you, +Mr. Mayor; and I thought it was rather long to wait until morning; so I took +the liberty of coming for an answer to-night; and I'd think myself +particularly obliged to you for it now:—Upon what authority do you conceive +yourself entitled to commit me, an innocent man, and without a hearing, to +an abomin<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_321" id="Page_321">[Pg 321]</a></span>able hole of a dungeon? I have not murdered the guard, Mr. Mayor: +but I troubled him for his regimental coat, that I might gain admittance to +your worship: and I left him the dreadnought in exchange.'</p> + +<p>'The dreadnought?' said the Mayor. 'Aye: now this very dreadnought it was, +Sir, that compelled me (making a low bow) to issue my warrant for your +apprehension.' And it then came out, that in a list of stolen goods recently +lodged with the magistrates, a dreadnought was particularly noticed: and Mr. +Mayor having seen a man enter the theatre in an article answering to the +description, and easily identified by a black cross embroidered upon the +back, was obliged by his duty to have him arrested; more especially as the +wearer had increased the suspicion against himself by concealing his face.</p> + +<p>This explanation naturally reconciled Mr. Schnackenberger to the arrest: and +as to the filthy dungeon, <i>that</i> admitted of a still simpler apology, as it +seemed that the town afforded no better.</p> + +<p>'Why then, Mr. Mayor,—as things stand, it seems to me that in the point of +honour I ought to be satisfied: and in that case I still consider myself +your prisoner, and shall take up my quarters for this night in your +respectable mansion.'</p> + +<p>'But no!' thought Mr. Mayor: 'better let a rogue escape, than keep a man +within my doors that may commit a murder on my body.' So he assured Mr. +Schnackenberger—that he had accounted in the most satisfactory manner for +being found in possession of the dreadnought; took down the name of the old +clothesman from whom it was hired; and lighting <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_322" id="Page_322">[Pg 322]</a></span>down his now discharged +prisoner, he declared, with a rueful attempt at smiling, that it gave him +the liveliest gratification on so disagreeable an occasion to have made so +very agreeable an acquaintance.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XVIII" id="CHAPTER_XVIII"></a>CHAPTER XVIII.</h3> + +<h4>MISERY ACQUAINTS MR. SCHNACKENBERGER WITH STRANGE BEDFELLOWS.</h4> + + +<p>When Mr. Schnackenberger returned home from his persecutions, he found the +door of the Double-barrelled Gun standing wide open: and, as he had observed +a light in his own room, he walked right up-stairs without disturbing the +sleeping waiter. But to his great astonishment, two gigantic fellows were +posted outside the door; who, upon his affirming that he must be allowed to +enter his own room, seemed in some foreign and unintelligible language to +support the negative of that proposition. Without further scruple or regard +to their menacing gestures, he pressed forwards to the chamber door; but +immediately after felt himself laid hold of by the two fellows—one at his +legs, the other at his head—and, spite of his most indignant protests, +carried down-stairs into the yard. There he was tumbled into a little +<i>dépôt</i> for certain four-footed animals—with whose golden representative he +had so recently formed an acquaintance no less intimate;—and, the height of +the building not allowing of his standing upright, he was disposed to look +back with sorrow to the paradise <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_323" id="Page_323">[Pg 323]</a></span>lost of his station upon the back of the +quiet animal whom he had ridden on the preceding day. Even the dungeon +appeared an elysium in comparison with his present lodgings, where he felt +the truth of the proverb brought home to him—that it is better to be alone +than in bad company.</p> + +<p>Unfortunately, the door being fastened on the outside, there remained +nothing else for him to do than to draw people to the spot by a vehement +howling. But the swine being disturbed by this unusual outcry, and a general +uproar taking place among the inhabitants of the stye, Mr. Schnackenberger's +single voice, suffocated by rage, was over-powered by the swinish +accompaniment. Some little attention was, however, drawn to the noise +amongst those who slept near to the yard: but on the waiter's assuring them +that it was 'only a great pig who would soon be quiet,' that the key could +not be found, and no locksmith was in the way at that time of night, the +remonstrants were obliged to betake themselves to the same remedy of +patience, which by this time seemed to Mr. Jeremiah also the sole remedy +left to himself.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XIX" id="CHAPTER_XIX"></a>CHAPTER XIX.</h3> + +<h4>WHOSE END RECONCILES OUR HERO WITH ITS BEGINNING.</h4> + + +<p>Mr. Schnackenberger's howling had (as the waiter predicted) gradually died +away, and he was grimly meditating on his own miseries, to which he had now +lost all hope of seeing an end before daylight, when <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_324" id="Page_324">[Pg 324]</a></span>the sudden rattling of +a key at the yard door awakened flattering hopes in his breast. It proved to +be the waiter, who came to make a gaol delivery—and on letting him out +said, 'I am commissioned by the gentlemen to secure your silence;' at the +same time putting into his hand a piece of gold.</p> + +<p>'The d——l take your gold!' said Mr. Schnackenberger: 'is this the practice +at your house—first to abuse your guests, and then have the audacity to +offer them money?'</p> + +<p>'Lord, protect us!' said the waiter, now examining his face, 'is it you? but +who would ever have looked for you in such a dress as this? The gentlemen +took you for one of the police. Lord! to think what a trouble you'll have +had!'</p> + +<p>And it now came out, that a party of foreigners had pitched upon Mr. +Jeremiah's room as a convenient one for playing at hazard and some other +forbidden games; and to prevent all disturbance from the police, had posted +their servants, who spoke not a word of German, as sentinels at the door.</p> + +<p>'But how came you to let my room for such a purpose?'</p> + +<p>'Because we never expected to see you to-night; we had heard that the +gentleman in the dreadnought had been taken up at the theatre, and +committed. But the gentlemen are all gone now; and the room's quite at your +service.'</p> + +<p>Mr. Schnackenberger, however, who had lost the first part of the night's +sleep from suffering, was destined to lose the second from pleasure: for the +waiter now put into his hands the following billet: 'No doubt you must have +waited for me to no <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_325" id="Page_325">[Pg 325]</a></span>purpose in the passages of the theatre: but alas! our +firmest resolutions we have it not always in our power to execute; and on +this occasion, I found it quite impossible consistently with decorum to +separate myself from my attendants. Will you therefore attend the hunt +to-morrow morning? there I hope a better opportunity will offer.'</p> + +<p>It added to his happiness on this occasion that the princess had manifestly +not detected him as the man in the dreadnought.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XX" id="CHAPTER_XX"></a>CHAPTER XX.</h3> + +<h4>IN WHICH MR. SCHNACKENBERGER ACTS UPON THE AMBITIOUS FEELINGS OF A MAN IN +OFFICE FOR AN AMIABLE PURPOSE.</h4> + + +<p>Next morning, when the Provost-marshal came to fetch back the appointments +of the military wig-maker, it struck our good-natured student that he had +very probably brought the poor fellow into an unpleasant scrape. He felt, +therefore, called upon as a gentleman, to wait upon the Mayor, and do his +best to beg him off. In fact, he arrived just in time: for all the +arrangements were complete for demonstrating to the poor wig-maker, by an <i>à +posteriori</i> line of argument, the importance of valour in his new +employment.</p> + +<p>Mr. Schnackenberger entreated the Mayor to be lenient: courage, he said, was +not every man's business: as a wig-maker, the prisoner could have had little +practice in that virtue: the best of wigs were <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_326" id="Page_326">[Pg 326]</a></span>often made by cowards: 'and +even as a soldier,' said he, 'it's odds if there should be such another +alarm for the next hundred years.' But all in vain: his judge was too much +incensed: 'Such a scandalous dereliction of duty!' said he; 'No, no: I must +make an example of him.'</p> + +<p>Hereupon, Mr. Jeremiah observed, that wig-makers were not the only people +who sometimes failed in the point of courage: 'Nay,' said he, 'I have known +even mayors who by no means shone in that department of duty: and in +particular, I am acquainted with some who would look exceedingly blue, aye +d——lish blue indeed, if a student whom I have the honour to know should +take it into his head to bring before the public a little incident in which +they figured, embellished with wood-cuts, representing a retreat by forced +marches towards a bell in the background.'</p> + +<p>Mr. Mayor changed colour; and pausing a little to think, at length he +said—'Sir, you are in the right; every man has his weak moments. But it +would be unhandsome to expose them to the scoffs of the public.'</p> + +<p>'Why, yes, upon certain conditions.'</p> + +<p>'Which conditions I comply with,' said his worship; and forthwith he +commuted the punishment for a reprimand and a short confinement.</p> + +<p>On these terms Mr. Schnackenberger assured him of his entire silence with +respect to all that had passed.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_327" id="Page_327">[Pg 327]</a></span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XXI" id="CHAPTER_XXI"></a>CHAPTER XXI.</h3> + +<h4>IN WHICH THE HOPES OF TWO LOVERS ARE WRECKED AT ONCE.</h4> + + +<p>'Beg your pardon, Sir, are you Mr. Schnackenberger?' said a young man to our +hero, as he was riding out of the city gate.</p> + +<p>'Yes, Sir, I'm the man; what would you have with me?' and, at the same time +looking earnestly at him, he remembered his face amongst the footmen on the +birth-night.</p> + +<p>'At the Forester's house—about eleven o'clock,' whispered the man +mysteriously.</p> + +<p>'Very good,' said Mr. Schnackenberger, nodding significantly; and forthwith, +upon the wings of rapturous anticipation, he flew to the place of +rendezvous.</p> + +<p>On riding into the Forester's court-yard, among several other open +carriages, he observed one lined with celestial blue, which, with a strange +grossness of taste, exhibited upon the cushions a medley of hams, sausages, +&c. On entering the house, he was at no loss to discover the owner of the +carriage; for in a window-seat of the bar sate the landlady of the Golden +Sow, no longer in widow's weeds, but arrayed in colours brighter than a bed +of tulips.</p> + +<p>Mr. Schnackenberger was congratulating himself on his quarrel with her, +which he flattered himself must preclude all amicable intercourse, when she +saw him, and to his horror approached with a smiling countenance. Some +overtures towards reconciliation he saw were in the wind: but, as these +could not be <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_328" id="Page_328">[Pg 328]</a></span>listened to except on one condition, he determined to meet her +with a test question: accordingly, as she drew near, simpering and +languishing,</p> + +<p>'Have you executed?' said he abruptly, 'Have you executed?'</p> + +<p>'Have I what?' said Mrs. Sweetbread.</p> + +<p>'Executed? Have you executed the release?'</p> + +<p>'Oh! you bad man! But come now: I know——'</p> + +<p>At this moment, however, up came some acquaintances of Mrs. Sweetbread's, +who had ridden out to see the hunt; and, whilst her attention was for one +moment drawn off to them, Mr. Schnackenberger slipped unobserved into a +parlour: it was now half-past ten by the Forester's clock; and he resolved +to wait here until the time fixed by the princess. Whilst sitting in this +situation, he heard in an adjoining room (separated only by a slight +partition) his own name often repeated: the voice was that of Mr. Von +Pilsen; loud laughter followed every sentence; and on attending more +closely, Mr. Schnackenberger perceived that he was just terminating an +account of his own adventures at the Golden Sow, and of his consequent +embroilment with the amorous landlady. All this, however, our student would +have borne with equanimity. But next followed a disclosure which mortified +his vanity in the uttermost degree. A few words sufficed to unfold to him +that Mr. Von Pilsen, in concert with the waiter of the Double-barrelled Gun +and that young female attendant of the princess, whose kitten had been +persecuted by Juno, had framed the whole plot, and had written the letters +which Mr. Schnackenberger had ascribed to her Highness. He had scarce +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_329" id="Page_329">[Pg 329]</a></span>patience to hear out the remainder. In some way or other, Von Pilsen had so +far mistaken our hero, as to pronounce him 'chicken-hearted:' and upon this +ground, he invited his whole audience to an evening party at the public +rooms of the Double-barrelled Gun—where he promised to play off Mr. +Schnackenberger as a glorious exhibition for this night only.</p> + +<p>Furious with wrath, and moreover anxious to escape before Von Pilsen and his +party should see him, and know that this last forgery no less than the +others had succeeded in duping him into a punctual observance of the +appointment, Mr. Schnackenberger rushed out of the room, seized his horse's +bridle—and was just on the point of mounting, when up came his female +tormentor, Mrs. Sweetbread.</p> + +<p>'Come, come, now,' said she, smiling in her most amiable manner; 'we were +both under a mistake yesterday morning: and both of us were too hasty. The +booby of a lad took you to the Gun, when you wanted nothing but the Sow: you +were a little "fresh," and didn't know it; and I thought you did it on +purpose. But I know better now. And here I am to fetch you back to the Sow: +so come along: and we'll forget and forgive on both sides.'</p> + +<p>So saying, she would have taken his arm most lovingly: but Mr. +Schnackenberger stoutly refused. He had nothing to do with her but to pay +his bill; he wanted nothing of her but his back-sword, which he had left at +the Sow; and he made a motion towards his stirrup. But Mrs. Sweetbread laid +her hand upon his arm, and asked him tenderly—if her person were then so +utterly disgusting to him that, upon thus <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_330" id="Page_330">[Pg 330]</a></span>meeting him again by his own +appointment, he had at once forgotten all his proposals?</p> + +<p>'Proposals! what proposals?' shrieked the persecuted student; 'Appointment! +what appointment?'</p> + +<p>'Oh, you base, low-lived villain! don't you go for to deny it, now: didn't +you offer to be reconciled? didn't you bid me to come here, that we might +settle all quietly in the forest? Aye, and we <i>will</i> settle it: and nothing +shall ever part us more; nothing in the world; for what God has joined——'</p> + +<p>'Drunken old witch!' interrupted Mr. Jeremiah, now sufficiently admonished +by the brandy fumes which assailed him as to the proximate cause of Mrs. +Sweetbread's boldness; 'seek lovers elsewhere.' And hastily turning round to +shake her off, he perceived to his horror that an immense crowd had by this +time assembled behind them. In the rear, and standing upon the steps of the +Forester's house, stood Von Pilsen and his party, convulsed with laughter; +immediately below them was the whole body of the hunters, who had called +here for refreshment—upon whose faces struggled a mixed expression of +merriment and wonder: and at the head of the whole company stood a party of +butchers and butchers' boys returning from the hunt, whose fierce looks and +gestures made it evident that they sympathized with the wrongs of Mrs. +Sweetbread, the relict of a man who had done honour to their body—and were +prepared to avenge them in any way she might choose. She, meantime, whose +whole mighty love was converted into mighty hatred by the opprobrious words +and fierce repulse of Mr. Schnackenberger, called heaven and earth, and all +present, to witness her wrongs; protested that he <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_331" id="Page_331">[Pg 331]</a></span>had himself appointed the +meeting at the Forest-house; and in confirmation drew forth a letter.</p> + +<p>At sight of the letter, a rattling peal of laughter from Mr. Von Pilsen left +no room to doubt, in our student's mind, from whose witty manufactory it +issued; and a rattling peal of wrath from the butchers' boys left no room to +doubt in anybody's mind what would be its consequences. The letter was, in +fact, pretty much what Mrs. Sweetbread alleged: it contained a large and +unlimited offer of Mr. Schnackenberger's large and unlimited person; +professed an ardour of passion which could brook no delay; and entreated her +to grant him an interview for the final arrangement of all preliminaries at +the Forest-house.</p> + +<p>Whilst this letter was reading, Mr. Schnackenberger perceived that there was +no time to be lost: no Juno, unfortunately, was present, no 'deus ex +machinâ' to turn the scale of battle, which would obviously be too unequal, +and in any result (considering the quality of the assailants) not very +glorious. So, watching his opportunity, he vaulted into his saddle, and shot +off like an arrow. Up went the roar of laughter from Von Pilsen and the +hunters: up went the roar of fury from the butchers and their boys: in the +twinkling of an eye all were giving chase; showers of stones sang through +the trees; threats of vengeance were in his ears; butchers' dogs were at his +horse's heels; butchers' curses were on the wind; a widow's cries hung upon +his flight. The hunters joined in the pursuit; a second chase was before +them; Mr. Pilsen had furnished them a second game. Again did Mr. +Schnackenberger perspire <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_332" id="Page_332">[Pg 332]</a></span>exceedingly; once again did Mr. Schnackenberger +'funk' enormously; yet, once again did Mr. Schnackenberger shiver at the +remembrance of the Golden Sow, and groan at the name of Sweetbread. He +retained, however, presence of mind enough to work away at his spurs +incessantly; nor ever once turned his head until he reached the city gates, +which he entered at the <i>pas de charge</i>, thanking heaven that he was better +mounted than on his first arrival at B——.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XXII" id="CHAPTER_XXII"></a>CHAPTER XXII.</h3> + +<h4>IT NEVER RAINS BUT IT POURS.</h4> + + +<p>Rapidly as Mr. Schnackenberger drove through the gates, he was arrested by +the voice of the warder, who cited him to instant attendance at the +town-hall. Within the memory of man, this was the first time that any +business had been transacted on a holiday; an extraordinary sitting was now +being held; and the prisoner under examination was——Juno. 'Oh! heaven and +its mercies! when will my afflictions cease?' said the exhausted student; +'when shall I have a respite?' Respite there could be none at present; for +the case was urgent; and, unless Juno could find good bail, she was certain +of being committed on three very serious charges of 1. trespass; 2. assault +and battery; 3. stealing in a dwelling-house. The case was briefly this: +Juno had opened so detestable an overture of howling on her master's +departure for the forest, that the people at the Double-barrelled Gun, out +of mere consideration for <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_333" id="Page_333">[Pg 333]</a></span>the city of B——, had found it necessary to set +her at liberty; whereupon, as if the devil drove her, forthwith the brute +had gone off in search of her old young enemy the kitten, at the hotel of +the princess. She beat up the kitten's quarters again; and again she drove +in the enemy pell-mell into her camp in the kitchen. The young mistress of +the kitten, out of her wits at seeing her darling's danger, had set down a +pail of milk, in which she was washing a Brussels' veil and a quantity of +Mechlin lace belonging to the princess—and hurried her kitten into a +closet. In a moment she returned, and found—milk, Brussels' veil, Mechlin +lace, vanished—evaporated into Juno's throat, +'abiit—evasit—excessit—erupit!' only the milk-pail, upon some punctilio +of delicacy in Juno, was still there; and Juno herself stood by, +complacently licking her milky lips, and expressing a lively satisfaction +with the texture of Flanders' manufactures. The princess, vexed at these +outrages on her establishment, sent a message to the town-council, desiring +that banishment for life might be inflicted on a dog of such revolutionary +principles, whose presence (as she understood) had raised a general +consternation throughout the city of B——.</p> + +<p>Mr. Mayor, however, had not forgotten the threatened report of a certain +retreat to a bell, illustrated by wood-cuts; and therefore, after assuring +her Highness of his readiness to serve her, he added, that measures would be +adopted to prevent similar aggressions—but that unhappily, from peculiar +circumstances connected with this case, no further severities could be +inflicted. Meantime, while this note was writing, Juno had contrived to +liberate herself from arrest.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_334" id="Page_334">[Pg 334]</a></span></p> + +<p>Scarce had she been absent three minutes, when in rushed to the town-council +the eternal enemy of the Mayor—Mr. Deputy Recorder. The large goose's +liver, the largest, perhaps, that for some centuries had been bred and born +in B——, and which was destined this very night to have solemnised the +anniversary of Mrs. Deputy Recorder's birth; this liver, and no other, had +been piratically attacked, boarded, and captured, in the very sanctuary of +the kitchen, 'by that flibustier (said he) that buccaneer—that Paul Jones +of a Juno.' Dashing the tears from his eyes, Mr. Deputy Recorder went on to +perorate; 'I ask,' said he, 'whether such a Kentucky marauder ought not to +be outlawed by all nations, and put to the ban of civilised Europe? If +not'—and then Mr. Deputy paused for effect, and struck the table with his +fist—'if not, and such principles of Jacobinism and French philosophy are +to be tolerated; then, I say, there is an end to social order and religion: +Sansculotterie, Septemberising, and red night-caps, will flourish over once +happy Europe; and the last and best of kings, and our most shining lights, +will follow into the same bottomless abyss, which has already swallowed up +(and his voice faltered)—my liver.'</p> + +<p>'Lights and liver!' said Mr. Schnackenberger; 'I suppose you mean liver and +lights; but, lord! Mr. Recorder, what a bilious view you take of the case! +Your liver weighs too much in this matter; and where that happens, a man's +judgment is sure to be jaundiced.'</p> + +<p>However, the council thought otherwise: Mr. Deputy's speech had produced a +deep impression; and, upon his motion, they adjudged that, in twelve <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_335" id="Page_335">[Pg 335]</a></span>hours, +Juno should be conducted to the frontiers of the city lands, and there +solemnly outlawed: after which it should be free to all citizens of B—— to +pursue her with fire and sword; and even before that period, if she were met +without a responsible guide. Mr. Schnackenberger pleaded earnestly for an +extension of the armistice; but then arose, for the second time, with +Catonic severity of aspect, Mr. Deputy Recorder; he urged so powerfully the +necessity of uncompromising principle in these dangerous times, insisted so +cogently on the false humanity of misplaced lenity, and wound up the whole +by such a pathetic array of the crimes committed by Juno—of the sausages +she had robbed, the rabbits she had strangled, the porcelain she had +fractured, the raspberry-vinegar she had spilt, the mutton she had devoted +to chops ('her own "chops," remember,' said Mr. Schnackenberger), the +Brussels' veil, and the Mechlin lace, which she had swallowed, the domestic +harmony which she had disturbed, the laws of the land which she had insulted +and outraged, the peace of mind which she had invaded, and, finally, (said +he) 'as if all this were not enough, the liver—the goose's liver—<i>my</i> +liver—my unoffending liver'—('and lights,' said Mr. Schnackenberger) +'which she has burglariously and inhumanly immolated to her brutal +propensities:' on all this Mr. Deputy executed such a bravura, and the sins +of Juno chased each other so rapidly, and assumed so scarlet a hue, that the +council instantly negatived her master's proposition; the single dissentient +voice being that of Mr. Mayor, who, with tears in his eyes, conjured Mr. +Schnackenberger not to confound the innocent with the guilty.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_336" id="Page_336">[Pg 336]</a></span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XXIII" id="CHAPTER_XXIII"></a>CHAPTER XXIII.</h3> + +<h4>IN WHICH MISFORTUNE EMPTIES HER LAST VIAL UPON THE HEAD OF MR. +SCHNACKENBERGER.</h4> + + +<p>Exhausted by the misfortunes of the day, towards evening Mr. Jeremiah was +reposing at his length, and smoking in the window-seat of his room. Solemn +clouds of smoke expressed the gloomy vapours which rested on his brain. The +hours of Juno's life, it seemed to him, were numbered; every soul in B—— +was her sworn foe—bipeds and quadrupeds, men, women, dogs, cats, children, +kittens, deputy-recorders, rabbits, cooks, legs-of-mutton, to say nothing of +goose-livers, sausages, haunches of venison, and 'quilts.'—If he were to +take country-lodgings for her, and to send her out of B——, what awaited +her there? Whither could she go, but some butcher—some butterwoman—some +rough-rider or other had a private account to settle with her?—'Unhappy +creature!' ejaculated the student, 'torment of my life!'</p> + +<p>At this moment Mr. Schnackenberger's anxious ruminations were further +enforced by the appearance of the town-crier under his window: inert as the +town-council were in giving effect to their own resolutions, on this +occasion it was clear that they viewed the matter as no joke; and were bent +on rigorously following up their sentence. For the crier proclaimed the +decree by beat of drum; explained the provisos of the twelve hours' truce, +and enjoined all good citizens, and worthy patriots, at the expiration of +that period, to put the public enemy to the sword, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_337" id="Page_337">[Pg 337]</a></span>wherever she should be +found, and even to rise <i>en masse</i>, if that should be necessary, for the +extermination of the national robber—as they valued their own private +welfare, or the honour and dignity of the state.</p> + +<p>'English fiend!' said Mr. Schnackenberger, 'will nothing reclaim thee? Now +that I am rid of my German plague, must I be martyred by my English plague?' +For be it mentioned that, on our hero's return from the council, he had +received some little comfort in his afflictions from hearing that Mrs. +Sweetbread had, upon her return to B——, testified her satisfaction with +the zealous leader of the butchers' boys, by forthwith bestowing upon him +her widowed hand and heart, together with the Sow and its appurtenances. +'English fiend!' resumed Mr. Schnackenberger, 'most <i>e</i>dacious and +<i>au</i>dacious of quadrupeds! can nothing be done for thee? Is it impossible to +save thy life?' And again he stopped to ruminate. For her <i>meta</i>physics it +was hopeless to cure; but could nothing be done for her <i>physics</i>? At the +university of X—— she had lived two years next door neighbour to the +Professor of Moral Philosophy, and had besides attended many of his lectures +without any sort of benefit to her morals, which still continued of the very +worst description. 'But could no course of medical treatment,' thought her +master, 'correct her inextinguishable voracity? Could not her pulse be +lowered? Might not her appetite, or her courage, be tamed? Would a course of +tonics be of service to her? Suppose I were to take her to England to try +the effect of her native air; would any of the great English surgeons or +physicians be able to prescribe <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_338" id="Page_338">[Pg 338]</a></span>for her effectually? Would opium cure her? +Yet there was a case of bulimy at Toulouse, where the French surgeons caught +the patient and saturated him with opium; but it was of no use; for he +ate<a name="FNanchor_26_26" id="FNanchor_26_26"></a><a href="#Footnote_26_26" class="fnanchor">[26]</a> as many children after it as before. Would Mr. Abernethy, with his +blue pill and his Rufus pill, be of any service to her? Or the acid bath—or +the sulphate of zinc—or the white oxide of bismuth?—or soda-water? For, +perhaps, her liver may be affected. But, lord! what talk I of her liver? Her +liver's as sound as mine. It's her disposition that's in fault; it's her +moral principles that are relaxed; and something must be done to brace them. +Let me consider.'</p> + +<p>At this moment a cry of 'murder, murder!' drew the student's eyes to the +street below him; and there, to afflict his heart, stood his graceless Juno, +having just upset the servant of a cook's shop, in the very act of rifling +her basket; the sound of the drum was yet ringing through the streets; the +crowd collected to hear it had not yet withdrawn from the spot; and in this +way was Juno expressing her reverence for the proclamation of the +town-council of B——.</p> + +<p>'Fiend of perdition!' said Mr. Schnackenberger, flinging his darling pipe at +her head, in the anguish <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_339" id="Page_339">[Pg 339]</a></span>of his wrath, and hastening down to seize her. On +arriving below, however, there lay his beautiful sea-foam pipe in fragments +upon the stones; but Juno had vanished—to reappear no more in B——.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XXIV" id="CHAPTER_XXIV"></a>CHAPTER XXIV.</h3> + +<h4>AND SET YOU DOWN THAT IN ALEPPO ONCE—OTHELLO.</h4> + + +<p>The first thing Mr. Schnackenberger did was to draw his purse-strings, and +indemnify the cook-maid. The next thing Mr. Schnackenberger did was to go +into the public-room of the Gun, call for a common pipe, and seat himself +growling in a corner.—Of all possible privileges conferred by the laws, the +very least desirable is that of being created game: Juno was now invested +with that 'painful pre-eminence;' she was solemnly proclaimed game: and all +qualified persons, <i>i. e.</i> every man, woman, and child, were legally +authorised to sink—burn—or destroy her. 'Now then,' said Mr. +Schnackenberger to himself, 'if such an event should happen—if any kind +soul should blow out the frail light of Juno's life, in what way am I to +answer the matter to her purchaser, Mr. Fabian Sebastian?' Such were the +thoughts which fumed away from the anxious mind of Mr. Schnackenberger in +surging volumes of smoke.</p> + +<p>Together with the usual evening visitors of the public-rooms at the Gun, +were present also Mr. Von Pilsen, and his party. Inflamed with wine and +insolence, Mr. Von Pilsen began by advancing the following proposition: That +in this sublunary world <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_340" id="Page_340">[Pg 340]</a></span>there are marvellous fools. 'Upon this hint' he +spake: and 'improving' his text into a large commentary, he passed in review +various sketches from the life of Mr. Schnackenberger in B——, not +forgetting the hunting scene; and everywhere threw in such rich +embellishments and artist-like touches, that at last the room rang with +laughter.</p> + +<p>Mr. Jeremiah alone sat moodily in his corner, and moved no muscle of his +face; so that even those, who were previously unacquainted with the +circumstances, easily divined at whose expense Mr. Von Pilsen's witty +performance proceeded.</p> + +<p>At length Von Pilsen rose and said, 'Gentlemen, you think, perhaps, that I +am this day in the best of all possible humours. Quite the contrary, I +assure you: pure fiction—mere counterfeit mirth—put on to disguise my +private vexation; for vexed I am, and will be, that I can find nobody on +whom to exercise my right arm. Ah! what a heavenly fate were mine, if any +man would take it into his head to affront me; or if any other man would +take it into his head to think that I had affronted him, and would come +hither to demand satisfaction!' So saying, he planted himself in a chair in +the very middle of the saloon; and ever and anon leered at Mr. +Schnackenberger in so singular a manner, that no one could fail to see at +whom his shafts were pointed.</p> + +<p>Still it seemed as if our hero had neither ears nor eyes. For he continued +doggedly to work away at his 'cloud-compelling' pipe (νεφεληγερετα Σχνακενβεργερ), without ever looking at his challenger.</p> + +<p>When at length he rose, everybody supposed that probably he had had +badgering enough by this time, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_341" id="Page_341">[Pg 341]</a></span>and meant to decamp quietly. All present +were making wry faces, in order to check their bursting laughter, until Mr. +Schnackenberger were clear of the room; that done, each prepared to give +free vent to his mirth and high compliments to Mr. Von Pilsen, upon the fine +style in which he had 'done execution upon Cawdor.' <i>De</i>camping, however, +entered not into Mr. Schnackenberger's military plans; he rather meant to +<i>en</i>camp over against Von Pilsen's position: calmly, therefore, with a +leisurely motion, and <i>gradu militari</i>, did he advance towards his witty +antagonist. The latter looked somewhat paler than usual: but, as this was no +time for retreating, and he saw the necessity of conducting the play with +spirit to its <i>dénouement</i>,—he started up, and exclaimed: 'Ah! here is the +very man I was wishing for! framed after my very heart's longing. Come, dear +friend, embrace me: let us have a fraternal hug.'</p> + +<p>'Basta!' cried Mr. Jeremiah, attaching his shoulder, and squeezing him, with +a right hand of 'high pressure,' down into his chair—'This is a very good +story, Mr. Von Pilsen, that you have told us: and pity it were that so good +a story should want a proper termination. In future, therefore, my Pilsen,</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>When you shall these unhappy deeds relate,</p></div> + +<p>be sure you do not forget the little sequel which I shall furnish: tell it +to the end, my Pilsen:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>And set you down that in Aleppo once—'</p></div> + +<p>Here the whole company began to quake with the laughter of anticipation—</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>'And set you down that in Aleppo once—</p></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_342" id="Page_342">[Pg 342]</a></span></p><p>when a fribble—a coxcomb—a puppy dared to traduce a student from the +university of X——</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>I took the circumcised dog by the nose, And smote him thus——'</p></div> + +<p>at the same time breaking his pipe calmly on the very prominent nose of Mr. +Von Pilsen.</p> + +<p>Inextinguishable laughter followed from all present: Mr. Von Pilsen quitted +the room forthwith: and next morning was sought for in vain in B——.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XXV" id="CHAPTER_XXV"></a>CHAPTER XXV.</h3> + +<h4>WHICH CONTAINS A DUEL—AND A DEATH.</h4> + + +<p>Scarcely had Mr. Schnackenberger withdrawn to his apartment, when a pair of +'field-pieces' were heard clattering up-stairs—such and so mighty as, among +all people that on earth do dwell, no mortal wore, himself only except, and +the student, Mr. Fabian Sebastian. Little had he thought under his evening +canopy of smoke, that Nemesis was treading so closely upon his heels.</p> + +<p>'Sir, my brother,' began Mr. Student Fabian, 'the time is up: and here am I, +to claim my rights. Where is the dog? The money is ready: deliver the +article: and payment shall be made.'</p> + +<p>Mr. Schnackenberger shrugged his shoulders.</p> + +<p>'Nay, my brother, no jesting (if you please) on such serious occasions: I +demand my article.'</p> + +<p>'What, if the article have vanished?'</p> + +<p>'Vanished!' said Mr. Fabian; 'why then we <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_343" id="Page_343">[Pg 343]</a></span>must fight, until it comes back +again.—Sir, my brother, you have acted nefariously enough in absconding +with goods that you had sold: would you proceed to yet greater depths in +nefariousness, by now withholding from me my own article?'</p> + +<p>So saying, Mr. Fabian paid down the purchase money in hard gold upon the +table. 'Come, now, be easy,' said Mr. Schnackenberger, 'and hear me.'</p> + +<p>'Be easy, do you say? <i>That</i> will I not: but hear I will, and with all my +heart, provided it be nothing unhearable—nor anything in question of my +right to the article: else, you know, come knocks.' 'Knocks!' said Jeremiah: +'and since when, I should be glad to know, has the Schnackenberger been in +the habit of taking knocks without knocking again, and paying a pretty large +per centage?'</p> + +<p>'Ah! very likely. That's your concern. As to me, I speak only for myself and +for my article.' Hereupon Mr. Schnackenberger made him acquainted with the +circumstances, which were so unpalatable to the purchaser of 'the article,' +that he challenged Mr. Schnackenberger to single combat there and then.</p> + +<p>'Come,' said Mr. Fabian; 'but first put up the purchase money: for I, at +least, will practise nothing that is nefarious.'</p> + +<p>Mr. Schnackenberger did so; redeemed his sword from Mrs. Sweetbread by +settling her bill; buckled it on; and attended Mr. Fabian to the +neighbouring forest.</p> + +<p>Being arrived at a spot suitable to their purpose, and their swords drawn, +Mr. Schnackenberger said—'Upon my word it's a shocking thing that we must +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_344" id="Page_344">[Pg 344]</a></span>fight upon this argument: not but it's just what I have long expected. +Junonian quarrels I have had, in my time, 747; and a Junonian duel is +nothing more than I have foreseen for this last week. Yet, after all, +brother, I give you my honour that the brute is not worth a duel: for, fools +as we have been in our rivalship about her, between ourselves she is a mere +agent of the fiend, and minister of perdition, to him who is so unhappy as +to call her his.'</p> + +<p>'Like enough, my brother; haven't a doubt you're in the right, for you know +her best: still it would be nefarious in a high degree if our blades were to +part without crossing each other. We must tilt a bit: Sir, my brother, we +must tilt. So lunge away at me; and never fear but I'll lunge as fast as +you.'</p> + +<p>So said—so done: but scarce had Mr. Sebastian pushed his first 'carte over +the arm,' which was well parried by his antagonist, when, with a loud +outcry, in rushed Juno; and, without troubling herself about the drawn +swords, she drove right at the pit of Mr. Sebastian's stomach, knocked the +breath out of his body, the sword out of his hand, and himself upon his +back.</p> + +<p>'Ah! my goddess, my Juno!' cried Mr. Schnackenberger; 'Nec vox hominem +sonat, oh Dea certe!'</p> + +<p>'Nec vox hominem sonat?' said Mr. Fabian, rising: 'Faith, you're right +there; for I never heard a voice more like a brute's in my life.'</p> + +<p>'Down then, down, Juno,' said Mr. Schnackenberger, as Juno was preparing for +a second campaign against Mr. Fabian's stomach: Mr. Fabian, on his part, +held out his hand to his brother student—saying, 'all quarrels are now +ended.' Mr. Jeremiah accepted <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_345" id="Page_345">[Pg 345]</a></span>his hand cordially. Mr. Fabian offered to +resign 'the article,' however agitating to his feelings. Mr. Jeremiah, +though no less agitated, protested he should not. 'I will, by all that's +magnanimous,' said Mr. Fabian. 'By the memory of Curtius, or whatever else +is most sacred in self-sacrifice, you shall not,' said Mr. Jeremiah. 'Hear +me, thou light of day,' said Mr. Fabian kneeling. 'Hear <i>me</i>,' interrupted +Mr. Jeremiah, kneeling also: yes, the Schnackenberger knelt, but carefully +and by circumstantial degree; for he was big and heavy as a rhinoceros, and +afraid of capsizing, and perspired freely. Mr. Fabian kneeled like a +dactyle: Mr. Jeremiah kneeled like a spondee, or rather like a molossus. +Juno, meantime, whose feelings were less affected, did not kneel at all; +but, like a tribrach, amused herself with chasing a hare which just then +crossed one of the forest ridings. A moment after was heard the report of a +fowling-piece. Bitter presentiment of the truth caused the kneeling duelists +to turn their heads at the same instant. Alas! the subject of their +high-wrought contest was no more: English Juno lay stretched in her blood! +Up started the 'dactyle;' up started the 'spondee;' out flew their swords; +curses, dactylic and spondaic, began to roll; and the gemini of the +university of X, side by side, strode after the Junonicide, who proved to be +a forester. The forester wisely retreated, before the storm, into his +cottage; from an upper window of which he read to the two coroners, in this +inquest after blood, a section of the forest-laws, which so fully justified +what he had done—that, like the reading of the English riot act, it +dispersed the gemini, both dactylic <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_346" id="Page_346">[Pg 346]</a></span>and spondaic, who now held it advisable +to pursue the matter no further.</p> + +<p>'Sir, my brother,' said Mr. Fabian, embracing his friend over the corpse of +Juno, 'see what comes of our imitating Kotzebue's plays! Nothing but our +nefarious magnanimity was the cause of Juno's untimely end. For had we, +instead of kneeling (which by the way seemed to "punish" you a good deal), +had we, I say, vested the property in one or other of us, she, instead of +diverting her ennui by hunting, would have been trotting home by the side of +her master—and the article would have been still living.'</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XXVI" id="CHAPTER_XXVI"></a>CHAPTER XXVI.</h3> + +<h4>THE FUNERAL GAMES.</h4> + + +<p>'Now then,' said Mr. Schnackenberger, entering the Double-barrelled Gun with +his friend,—'Now, waiter, let us have Rhenish and Champagne, and all other +good things with which your Gun is charged: fire off both barrels upon us: +Come, you dog, make ready—present; for we solemnise a funeral to-day:' and, +at the same time, he flung down the purchase-money of Juno upon the table. +The waiter hastened to obey his orders.</p> + +<p>The longer the two masters of Juno drank together, the more did they +convince themselves that her death was a real blessing to herself, who had +thus obviously escaped a life of severe cudgelling, which her voracity would +have entailed upon her: 'yes,' they both ex<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_347" id="Page_347">[Pg 347]</a></span>claimed; 'a blessing to +herself—to her friends in particular—and to the public in general.'</p> + +<p>To conclude, the price of Juno was honourably drunk up to the last farthing, +in celebration of her obsequies at this one sitting.</p> + +<p>Ὡς ὁι γ' αμφιεπον ταφον Ἑκτορος ἱπποδαμοιο.</p> + + +<h4>END OF 'MR. SCHNACKENBERGER.'</h4> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_348" id="Page_348">[Pg 348]</a></span></p> + +<h2><a name="ANGLO-GERMAN_DICTIONARIES" id="ANGLO-GERMAN_DICTIONARIES"></a>ANGLO-GERMAN DICTIONARIES.</h2> + + +<p>The German dictionaries, compiled for the use of Englishmen studying that +language, are all bad enough, I doubt not, even in this year 1823; but those +of a century back are the most ludicrous books that ever mortal read: +<i>read</i>, I say, for they are well worth reading, being often as good as a +jest book. In some instances, I am convinced that the compilers (Germans +living in Germany) had a downright hoax put upon them by some facetious +Briton whom they had consulted; what is given as the English equivalent for +the German word being not seldom a pure coinage that never had any existence +out of Germany. Other instances there are, in which the words, though not of +foreign manufacture, are almost as useless to the English student as if they +were; slang-words, I mean, from the slang vocabulary, current about the +latter end of the seventeenth century. These must have been laboriously +culled from the works of Tom Brown, Sir Roger L'Estrange, Echard, Jeremy +Collier, and others, from 1660 to 1700, who were the great masters of this +<i>vernacular</i> English (as it might emphatically be called, with a reference +to the primary<a name="FNanchor_27_27" id="FNanchor_27_27"></a><a href="#Footnote_27_27" class="fnanchor">[27]</a> meaning<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_349" id="Page_349">[Pg 349]</a></span> of the word <i>vernacular</i>): and I verily believe, +that, if any part of this slang has become, or ever should become a dead +language to the English critic, his best guide to the recovery of its true +meaning will be the German dictionaries of Bailey, Arnold, &c. in their +earliest editions. By one of these, the word <i>Potztausend</i> (a common German +oath) is translated, to the best of my remembrance, thus:—'Udzooks, +Udswiggers, Udswoggers, Bublikins, Boblikins, Splitterkins,' &c. and so on, +with a large choice of other elegant varieties. Here, I take it, our friend +the hoaxer had been at work: but the drollest example I have met with of +their slang is in the following story told to me by Mr. Coleridge. About the +year 1794, a German, recently imported into Bristol, had happened to hear of +Mrs. X., a wealthy widow. He thought it would be a good speculation to offer +himself to the lady's notice as well qualified to 'succeed' to the late Mr. +X.; and accordingly waited on the lady with that intention. Having no great +familiarity with English, he provided himself with a copy of one of the +dictionaries I have mentioned; and, on being announced to the lady, he +determined to open his proposal with this introductory sentence—Madam, +having heard that Mr. X., late your husband, is dead: but coming to the last +word 'gestorben' (dead), he was at a loss for the English equivalent; so, +hastily pulling out his<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_350" id="Page_350">[Pg 350]</a></span> dictionary (a huge 8vo.), he turned to the word +'sterben,' (to die),—and there found——; but what he found will be best +collected from the dialogue which followed, as reported by the lady:—</p> + +<p><i>German.</i> Madam, hahfing heard that Mein Herr X., late your man, +is——(these words he kept chiming over as if to himself, until he arrived +at No. 1 of the interpretations of 'sterben,'—when he roared out, in high +glee at his discovery)——is, dat is—has, <i>kicked de bucket</i>.</p> + +<p><i>Widow.</i> (With astonishment.)—'Kicked the bucket,' Sir!—what—</p> + +<p><i>German.</i> Ah! mein Gott!—Alway Ich make mistake: I vou'd have +said—(beginning again with the same solemnity of tone)—since dat Mein Herr +X., late your man, hav—<i>hopped de twig</i>—(which words he screamed out with +delight, certain that he had now hit the nail upon the head).</p> + +<p><i>Widow.</i> Upon my word, Sir, I am at a loss to understand you: 'Kicked the +bucket,' and 'hopped the twig——!'</p> + +<p><i>German.</i> (Perspiring with panic.) Ah, Madam! von—two—tree—ten tousand +pardon: vat sad, wicket dictionary I haaf, dat alway bring me in trouble: +but now you shall hear—(and then, recomposing himself solemnly for a third +effort, he began as before)—Madam, since I did hear, or wash hearing, dat +Mein Herr X., late your man, haaf—(with a triumphant shout) haaf, I say, +<i>gone to Davy's locker</i>——</p> + +<p>Further he would have gone; but the widow could stand no more: this nautical +phrase, familiar to the streets of Bristol, allowed her no longer to +misunderstand his meaning; and she quitted the room in a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_351" id="Page_351">[Pg 351]</a></span>tumult of +laughter, sending a servant to show her unfortunate suitor out of the house, +with his false friend the dictionary; whose help he might, perhaps, invoke +for the last time, on making his exit, in the curses—'Udswoggers, +Boblikins, Bublikins, Splitterkins!'</p> + +<p>N.B. As test words for trying a <i>modern</i> German dictionary, I will advise +the student to look for the words—<i>Beschwichtigen Kulisse</i>, and <i>Mansarde</i>. +The last is originally French, but the first is a true German word; and, on +a question arising about its etymology, at the house of a gentleman in +Edinburgh, could not be found in any one, out of five or six modern +Anglo-German dictionaries.</p> + +<p><br /></p> +<p><br /></p> +<p><br /></p> +<p style="text-align:center;text-indent:0;">THE END.</p> +<p><br /></p> +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_352" id="Page_352">[Pg 352]</a></span></p> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Richard Clay & Sons, Limited,<br /> +London & Bungay.</span></p> + +<p><br /></p> +<p><br /></p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_1_1" id="Footnote_1_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_1_1"><span class="label">[1]</span></a> That is—the publication of the pamphlet.—H.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_2_2" id="Footnote_2_2"></a><a href="#FNanchor_2_2"><span class="label">[2]</span></a> <i>Putrescent.</i> See the recorded opinions of Lord Amherst's suite +upon the personal cleanliness of the Chinese.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_3_3" id="Footnote_3_3"></a><a href="#FNanchor_3_3"><span class="label">[3]</span></a> '<i>America</i>:'—For America in particular there is an American +defence offered in a Washington paper (the <i>Weekly Union</i>, for May 28, +1857), which, for cool ignoring of facts, exceeds anything that I remember. +It begins thus:—'Since our treaty with China in 1844' (and <i>that</i>, be it +remembered, was possible only in consequence of our war and its close in +1842), 'the most amicable relations have existed between the United States +and China—China is our friend, and we are hers.' Indeed! as a brief +commentary upon that statement, I recommend to the reader's attention our +Blue-books on China of last winter. The American commander certainly wound +up his quarrel with Yeh in a mysterious way, that drew some sneers from the +various nationalities then moving in that neighbourhood, but no less +certainly he had, during the October of 1856, a smart exchange of +cannon-shots with Yeh, which lasted for some days (three, at least, +according to my remembrance), and ended in the capture of numerous Chinese +forts. The American apologist says in effect, that the United States will +not fight, because they have no quarrel. But that is not the sole question. +Does the United States mean to take none of the benefits that may be won by +our arms? He speaks of the French as more belligerently inclined than the +United States. Would that this were really so. No good will come of schisms +between the nations of Christendom. There is a posthumous work of +Commissioner Lin, in twelve quartos, printed at Peking, urgently pressing +the necessity for China of building upon such schisms the one sole policy +that can save her from ruin.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_4_4" id="Footnote_4_4"></a><a href="#FNanchor_4_4"><span class="label">[4]</span></a> '<i>By the gallows:</i>'—Or much rather by decapitation. +Accordingly, we read of a Ming (<i>i. e.</i>, native Chinese) emperor, who (upon +finding himself in a dreadfully small minority) retired into his garden with +his daughter, and there hanged both himself and the lady. On no account +would he have decapitated either; since in that case the corpses, being +headless, would in Chinese estimation have been imperfect.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_5_5" id="Footnote_5_5"></a><a href="#FNanchor_5_5"><span class="label">[5]</span></a> '<i>Colonel Chesney:</i>'—The same, I believe, whose name was at +one time so honourably known in connection with the Euphrates and its steam +navigation.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_6_6" id="Footnote_6_6"></a><a href="#FNanchor_6_6"><span class="label">[6]</span></a> Down to George I. there <i>could</i> have been no breakfast in +England for a gentleman or lady—there is none even yet in most parts of the +Continent—without wine of some class or other.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_7_7" id="Footnote_7_7"></a><a href="#FNanchor_7_7"><span class="label">[7]</span></a> Written in 1856. H.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_8_8" id="Footnote_8_8"></a><a href="#FNanchor_8_8"><span class="label">[8]</span></a> But holding what rank, and what precise station, at the time of +the outrage? At this point I acknowledge a difficulty. The criminal was in +this case Domitian, the younger son of Vespasian, the tenth Cæsar, younger +Brother of Titus, the eleventh Cæsar, and himself, under the name of +Domitian, the twelfth of the Cæsars, consequently the closing prince in that +series of the initial twelve Cæsars whom Suetonius had undertaken to record. +Now the difficulty lies here, which yet I have never seen noticed in any +book: was this violence perpetrated before or after Domitian's assumption of +the purple? If <i>after</i>, how, then, could the injured husband have received +that advice from Titus (as to repairing his loss by a second marriage), +which forms part of an anecdote and a <i>bon-mot</i> between Titus and Lamia? Yet +again, if not after but before, how was it Lamia had not invoked the +protection of Vespasian, or of Titus—the latter of whom enjoyed a +theatrically fine reputation for equity and moderation?</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_9_9" id="Footnote_9_9"></a><a href="#FNanchor_9_9"><span class="label">[9]</span></a> In <i>All's Well that Ends Well</i>.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_10_10" id="Footnote_10_10"></a><a href="#FNanchor_10_10"><span class="label">[10]</span></a> This fragment appeared in <i>The Instructor</i> for July, 1853. The +subject was not continued in any form.—H.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_11_11" id="Footnote_11_11"></a><a href="#FNanchor_11_11"><span class="label">[11]</span></a> '<i>Sealed</i>,' &c.:—I do not believe that, in the sense of holy +conscientious loyalty to his own innermost convictions, any writer of +history in any period of time can have surpassed Herodotus. And the reader +must remember (or, if unlearned, he must be informed) that this judgment has +<i>now</i> become the unanimous judgment of all the most competent +authorities—that is, of all those who, having first of all the requisite +erudition as to Greek, as to classical archæology, &c., then subsequently +applied this appropriate learning to the searching investigation of the +several narratives authorised by Herodotus. In the middle of the last +century, nothing could rank lower than the historic credibility of this +writer. And to parody his title to be regarded as the 'Father of History,' +by calling him the 'Father of Lies,' was an unworthy insult offered to his +admirable simplicity and candour by more critics than one. But two points +startle the honourable reader, who is loathe to believe of any laborious +provider for a great intellectual interest that he <i>can</i> deliberately have +meant to deceive: the first point, and, separately by itself, an +all-sufficient demur, is this—that, not in proportion to the learning and +profundity brought to bear upon Herodotus, did the doubts and scruples upon +his fidelity strengthen or multiply. Precisely in the opposite current was +the movement of human opinion, as it applied itself to this patriarch of +history. Exactly as critics and investigators arose like Larcher—just, +reasonable, thoughtful, patient, and combining—or geographers as +comprehensive and as accurate as Major Rennel, regularly in that ratio did +the reports and the judgments of Herodotus command more and more respect. +The other point is this; and, when it is closely considered, it furnishes a +most reasonable ground of demur to the ordinary criticisms upon Herodotus. +These criticisms build the principle of their objection generally upon the +marvellous or romantic element which intermingles with the current of the +narrative. But when a writer treats (as to Herodotus it happened that +repeatedly he treated) tracts of history far removed in space and in time +from the domestic interests of his native land, naturally he misses as any +available guide the ordinary utilitarian relations which would else connect +persons and events with great outstanding interests of his own contemporary +system. The very abstraction which has silently been performed by the mere +effect of vast distances, wildernesses that swallow up armies, and mighty +rivers that are unbridged, together with the indefinite chronological +remoteness, do already of themselves translate such sequestered and +insulated chambers of history into the character of moral apologues, where +the sole surviving interest lies in the quality of the particular moral +illustrated, or in the sudden and tragic change of fortune recorded. Such +changes, it is urged, are of rare occurrence; and, recurring too often, they +impress a character of suspicious accuracy upon the narrative. Doubtless +they do so, and reasonably, where the writer is pursuing the torpid current +of circumstantial domestic annals. But, in the rapid abstract of Herodotus, +where a century yields but a page or two, and considering that two slender +octavos, on the particular scale adopted by Herodotus, embody the total +records of the human race down to his own epoch, really it would furnish no +legitimate ground of scruple or jealousy, though every paragraph should +present us with a character that seems exaggerated, or with an incident +approaching to the marvellous, or a catastrophe that is revolting. A writer +is bound—he has created it into a duty, having once assumed the office of a +national historiographer—to select from the rolls of a nation such events +as are the most striking. And a selection conducted on this principle +through several centuries, or pursuing the fortunes of a dynasty reigning +over vast populations, <i>must</i> end in accumulating a harvest of results such +as would startle the sobriety of ordinary historic faith. If a medical +writer should elect for himself, of his own free choice, to record such +cases only in his hospital experience as terminated fatally, it would be +absurd to object the gloomy tenor of his reports as an argument for +suspecting their accuracy, since he himself, by introducing this as a +condition into the very terms of his original undertaking with the public, +has created against himself the painful necessity of continually distressing +the sensibilities of his reader. To complain of Herodotus, or any public +historian, as drawing too continually upon his reader's profounder +sensibilities, is, in reality, to forget that this belongs as an original +element to the very task which he has undertaken. To undertake the +exhibition of human life under those aspects which confessedly bring it into +unusual conflict with chance and change, is, by a mere self-created +necessity, to prepare beforehand the summons to a continued series of +agitations: it is to seek the tragic and the wondrous wilfully, and then to +complain of it as violating the laws of probability founded on life within +the ordinary conditions of experience.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_12_12" id="Footnote_12_12"></a><a href="#FNanchor_12_12"><span class="label">[12]</span></a> Perhaps, seriously, the most of a <i>cosmopolitical</i> act that has +ever been attempted. Next to it, in point of dignity, I should feel disposed +to class the inauguration of the Crusades.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_13_13" id="Footnote_13_13"></a><a href="#FNanchor_13_13"><span class="label">[13]</span></a> This appeared in <i>Tait's Magazine</i> for February, 1841. Although +practically an independent paper, it was included in the series entitled +'Sketches of Life and Manners; from the Autobiography of an English +Opium-Eater.' The reference to Allan Cunningham occurs in the previous +chapter of these 'Sketches.'—H.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_14_14" id="Footnote_14_14"></a><a href="#FNanchor_14_14"><span class="label">[14]</span></a> No terms of art are used so arbitrarily, and with such perfect +levity, as the terms <i>hypothesis</i>, <i>theory</i>, <i>system</i>. Most writers use one +or other with the same indifference that they use in constructing the title +of a novel, or, suppose, of a pamphlet, where the phrase <i>thoughts</i>, or +<i>strictures</i>, or <i>considerations</i>, upon so and so, are used <i>ad libitum</i>. +Meantime, the distinctions are essential. That is properly an <i>hypothesis</i> +where the question is about a cause: certain phenomena are known and given: +the object is to place below these phenomena a basis [α ὑποθοσις] +capable of supporting them, and accounting for them. Thus, if you were to +assign a cause sufficient to account for the <i>aurora borealis</i>, that would +be an hypothesis. But a theory, on the other hand, takes a multitude of +facts all disjointed, or, at most, suspected, of some inter-dependency: +these it takes and places under strict laws of relation to each other. But +here there is no question of a cause. Finally, a system is the synthesis of +a theory and an hypothesis: it states the relations as amongst an undigested +mass, <i>rudis indigestaque moles</i>, of known phenomena; and it assigns a basis +for the whole, as in an hypothesis. These distinctions would become vivid +and convincing by the help of proper illustrations.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_15_15" id="Footnote_15_15"></a><a href="#FNanchor_15_15"><span class="label">[15]</span></a> Neither would it be open to Paley to plead that the final or +remotest consequences must be taken into the calculation; and that one of +these would be the weakening of all moral sanctions, and thus, indirectly, +an injury to morality, which might more than compensate the immediate +benefit to social peace and security; for this mode of arguing the case +would bring us back to the very principle which his own implicitly, or by +involution, rejects: since it would tell us to obey the principle itself +without reference to the apparent consequences. By the bye, Paley has an +express section of his work against the law of honour as a valid rule of +action; but, as Cicero says of Epicurus, it matters little what he says; the +question for us is <i>quam sibi convenienter</i>, how far consistently with +himself. Now, as Sir James Mackintosh justly remarks, all that Paley says in +refutation of the principle of worldly honour is hollow and unmeaning. In +fact, it is merely one of the commonplaces adopted by satire, and no +philosophy at all. Honour, for instance, allows you, upon paying gambling +debts, to neglect or evade all others: honour, again, allows you to seduce a +married woman: and he would secretly insinuate that honour <i>enjoins</i> all +this; but it is evident that honour simply forbears to forbid all this: in +other words, it is a very limited rule of action, not applying to one case +of conduct in fifty. It might as well be said, that Ecclesiastical Courts +sanction murder, because that crime lies out of their jurisdiction.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_16_16" id="Footnote_16_16"></a><a href="#FNanchor_16_16"><span class="label">[16]</span></a> If it be asked by what title I represent Society as authorising +(nay, as necessitating) duels, I answer, that I do not allude to any +floating opinions of influential circles in society; for these are in +continual conflict, and it may be difficult even to guess in which direction +the preponderance would lie. I build upon two undeniable results, to be +anticipated in any regular case of duel, and supported by one uniform course +of precedent:—<i>First</i>, That, in a civil adjudication of any such case, +assuming only that it has been fairly conducted, and agreeably to the old +received usages of England, no other verdict is ever given by a jury than +one of acquittal. <i>Secondly</i>, That, before military tribunals, the result is +still stronger; for the party liable to a challenge is not merely acquitted, +as a matter of course, if he accepts it with any issue whatsoever, but is +positively dishonoured and degraded (nay, even dismissed the service, +virtually under colour of a request that he will sell out) if he does not. +These precedents form the current law for English society, as existing +amongst gentlemen. Duels, pushed <i>à l'outrance</i>, and on the savage +principles adopted by a few gambling ruffians on the Continent, (of which a +good description is given in the novel of <i>The most unfortunate Man in the +World</i>,) or by old buccaneering soldiers of Napoleon, at war with all the +world, and in the desperation of cowardice, demanding to fight in a saw-pit +or across a table,—this sort of duels is as little recognised by the +indulgence of English law, as, in the other extreme, the mock duels of +German Burschen are recognised by the gallantry of English society. Duels of +the latter sort would be deemed beneath the dignity of judicial inquiry: +duels of the other sort, beyond its indulgence. But all other duels, fairly +managed in the circumstances, are undeniably privileged amongst non-military +persons, and commanded to those who are military.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[Pg 111]</a></span></p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_17_17" id="Footnote_17_17"></a><a href="#FNanchor_17_17"><span class="label">[17]</span></a> See the remarks in Prefatory Note, vol. i.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_18_18" id="Footnote_18_18"></a><a href="#FNanchor_18_18"><span class="label">[18]</span></a> In the original, the word is Fenster schweiss, window-sweat, +<i>i. e.</i> (as the translator understands the passage) Monsieur Flitte was +suspected of a design to swindle the company by exhibiting his two windows +streaming with spurious moisture, such as hoar frost produces on the windows +when melted by the heat of the room, rather than with the genuine and +unadulterated rain which Mr Kabel demanded.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[Pg 169]</a></span></p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_19_19" id="Footnote_19_19"></a><a href="#FNanchor_19_19"><span class="label">[19]</span></a> To the English reader it may be necessary to explain, that in +the continental universities, etc., when a succession of prizes is offered, +graduated according to the degrees of merit, the illiptical formula of +'<i>Accessit</i>' denotes the second prize; and hence, where only a single prize +is offered, the second degree of merit may properly be expressed by the term +here used.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_20_20" id="Footnote_20_20"></a><a href="#FNanchor_20_20"><span class="label">[20]</span></a> From a MS. poem of a great living Poet. [Written in January +1838. The lines occur in Wordsworth's <i>Prelude</i>, Book Tenth, line 410. The +passage stands thus:—<br /><br /> + +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">—————'the unbroken dream entangled me</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">In long orations, which I strove to plead</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Before unjust tribunals,—with a voice</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Labouring, a brain confounded, and a sense,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Death-like, of treacherous desertion, felt</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">In the last place of refuge—my own soul.'—H.]</span><br /> +</p> +</div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_21_21" id="Footnote_21_21"></a><a href="#FNanchor_21_21"><span class="label">[21]</span></a> The custom in North Germany is to sleep <i>under</i> a bed as well +as <i>upon</i> one; consequently, when this happens to be a cheap one, it cannot +be stuffed with feathers, down, &c., but with some heavier material.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_284" id="Page_284">[Pg 284]</a></span></p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_22_22" id="Footnote_22_22"></a><a href="#FNanchor_22_22"><span class="label">[22]</span></a> '<i>Meerschaum</i>:' I believe a particular kind of clay, called +'sea-spray,' from its fineness and lightness, from which the boles of pipes +are made in Turkey—often at enormous prices, and much imported into +Germany, where they are in great request. Such is the extent of <i>my</i> +knowledge on the subject; or perhaps of my ignorance. But, in fact, I know +nothing about it.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_23_23" id="Footnote_23_23"></a><a href="#FNanchor_23_23"><span class="label">[23]</span></a> In the original—'eine marketenderin,' a female sutler: but I +have altered it, to save an explanation of what the old sutler was after.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_24_24" id="Footnote_24_24"></a><a href="#FNanchor_24_24"><span class="label">[24]</span></a> If any reader should happen not to be acquainted with this +word, which, however, is fine old English, and classical at Eton, &c.—the +nearest synonym which I remember at this moment is <i>Expavesco</i>.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_25_25" id="Footnote_25_25"></a><a href="#FNanchor_25_25"><span class="label">[25]</span></a> In the original <i>Knecht Rupert</i>. The allusion is to an old +Christmas usage of North Germany: a person comes in disguise, in the +character of an ambassador from heaven, with presents for all the young +children who are reported to him as good and obedient: but those who are +naughty he threatens and admonishes. See Coleridge's <i>Friend</i>, vol. ii. p. +322.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_26_26" id="Footnote_26_26"></a><a href="#FNanchor_26_26"><span class="label">[26]</span></a> This man, whose case I have read in some French Medical +Memoirs, was a desperate fellow: he cared no more for an ounce of opium, +than for a stone of beef, or half a bushel of potatoes: all three would not +have made him a breakfast. As to children, he denied in the most tranquil +manner that he ate them. ''Pon my honour,' he sometimes said, 'between +ourselves, I never <i>do</i> eat children.' However, it was generally agreed, +that he was pædophagous, or infantivorous. Some said that he first drowned +them; whence I sometimes called him the pædobaptist. Certain it is, that +wherever he appeared, a sudden scarcity of children prevailed.—<i>Note of the +Translator.</i></p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_27_27" id="Footnote_27_27"></a><a href="#FNanchor_27_27"><span class="label">[27]</span></a> What I mean is this. Vernacular (from <i>verna</i>, a slave born in +his master's house). 1. The homely idiomatic language in opposition to any +mixed jargon, or lingua franca, spoken by an imported slave:—2. Hence, +generally, the pure mother-tongue as opposed to the same tongue corrupted by +false refinement. By vernacular English, therefore, in the primary sense, +and I mean, such homely English as is banished from books and polite +conversation to Billingsgate and Wapping.</p></div> + +</div> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Uncollected Writings of Thomas de +Quincey, Vol. 2, by Thomas de Quincey + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THOMAS DE QUINCEY *** + +***** This file should be named 20090-h.htm or 20090-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/0/0/9/20090/ + +Produced by Robert Connal, Paul Good and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by the Bibliothèque nationale de France (BnF/Gallica) at +http://gallica.bnf.fr) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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