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+
+<!DOCTYPE html
+   PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN"
+   "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" >
+
+<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en">
+  <head>
+    <title>
+      The English Spy by Bernard Blackmantle.
+    </title>
+    <style type="text/css">
+    <!--
+    body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify}
+    P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; }
+    H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; }
+    hr  { width: 50%; text-align: center;}
+    .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; }
+    blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;}
+    .mynote    {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;}
+    .toc       { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;}
+    .toc2      { margin-left: 20%;}
+    .indent5   { margin-left: 5%;}
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+    .pagenum   {display:inline; font-size: 100%; font-style:normal;
+               margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%;
+               text-align: right;}
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+    p.pfirst, p.noindent {text-indent: 0}
+    span.dropcap         { float: left; margin: 0 0.1em 0 0; line-height: 1 }
+    pre        { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;}
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+  </head>
+  <body>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The English Spy, by Bernard Blackmantle
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The English Spy
+       An Original Work Characteristic, Satirical, And Humorous.
+              Comprising Scenes And Sketches In Every Rank Of Society,
+              Being Portraits Drawn From The Life
+
+Author: Bernard Blackmantle
+
+Illustrator: Robert Cruikshank
+
+Release Date: December 3, 2006 [EBook #20001]
+Last Updated: October 12, 2012
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ENGLISH SPY ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+    <h1>
+      <i>THE</i>
+    </h1>
+    <h1>
+      <i>ENGLISH SPY</i>
+    </h1>
+    <blockquote>
+      <p>An Original Work CHARACTERISTIC, SATIRICAL, AND HUMOROUS. COMPRISING
+      SCENES AND SKETCHES IN EVERY RANK OF SOCIETY, BEING PORTRAITS DRAWN FROM
+      THE LIFE</p>
+    </blockquote>
+    <h2>
+      BY BERNARD BLACKMANTLE.
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      THE ILLUSTRATIONS DESIGNED BY
+    </h3>
+    <h2>
+      ROBERT CRUIKSHANK.
+    </h2>
+    <blockquote>
+      <p>By Frolic, Mirth, and Fancy gay, Old Father Time is borne away. <br />LONDON:
+      PUBLISHED BY SHERWOOD, JONES, AND CO. PATERNOSTER-BOW. 1825.</p></blockquote>
+
+			 <p><a name="image-0001" id="image-0001">
+      <!-- IMG --></a></p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/spy_spines.jpg" width="100%" alt="Spines" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /> <a name="image-0002" id="image-0002">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/frontis.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/frontis-th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Frontispiece" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /> <a name="image-0003" id="image-0003">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/titlepage.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/titlepage-th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Titlepage" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /> <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br /> <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+    <blockquote>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <big><b>CONTENTS</b></big>
+      </p>
+      <p>
+        <br />
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> BERNARD BLACKMANTLE{*} TO THE REVIEWERS. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> THE ENGLISH SPY. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#link2H_INTR"> INTRODUCTION. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#link2H_PREF"> PREFACE, IN IMITATION OF SATIRE OF PERSIUS. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#link2H_4_0005"> A SHANDEAN SCENE, </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#link2H_4_0006"> ETONIAN. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#link2H_4_0007"> PORTRAITS IN MY DAME'S DINING-ROOM. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#link2H_4_0008"> FIVE PRINCIPAL ORDERS OF ETON </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#link2H_4_0009"> THE MONTEM ODE. May 20, 1823. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#link2H_4_0010"> THE DOUBTFUL POINT. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#link2H_4_0011"> RECOLLECTIONS OF AN OLD ETONIAN. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#link2H_4_0012"> APOLLO'S VISIT TO ETON.{1} </a>
+      </p>
+      <p>
+        <br />
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#link2H_4_0013"> ETON MONTEM. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#link2H_4_0014"> FAREWELL TO ETON. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#link2H_4_0015"> MY VALE. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#link2H_4_0016"> FIVE CHARACTERISTIC ORDERS OF OXFORD. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#link2H_4_0017"> THE FRESHMAN. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#link2H_4_0018"> THE DINNER PARTY. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#link2H_4_0019"> COLLEGE SERVANTS. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#link2H_4_0020"> TAKING POSSESSION OF YOUR ROOMS. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#link2H_4_0021"> THE EXCURSION TO BAGLEY WOOD. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#link2H_4_0022"> KENSINGTON GARDENS&mdash;SUNDAY EVENING. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#link2H_4_0023"> THE OPERA. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#link2H_4_0024"> THE ROYAL SALOON. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p>
+        <br />
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#spread"> THE SPREAD, OR WINE PARTY AT BRAZEN-NOSE. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Blink2H_4_0002"> THE OXFORD RAKE'S PROGRESS. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Blink2H_4_0003"> TOWN AND GOWN, AN OXFORD ROW. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Blink2H_4_0004"> THE STAGE COACH, </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Blink2H_4_0005"> THE PROPOSITION. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Blink2H_4_0006"> SKETCHES AT BRIGHTON. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Blink2H_4_0007"> CHARACTERS ON THE BEACH AND STEYNE, BRIGHTON.
+        </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Blink2H_4_0008"> METROPOLITAN SKETCHES. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Blink2H_4_0009"> VISIT TO WESTMINSTER HALL. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Blink2H_4_0010"> PROGRAMME. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Blink2H_CONC"> CONCLUSION OF VOLUME ONE. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Clink2H_4_0001"> THE ENGLISH SPY. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Clink2H_INTR"> INTRODUCTION TO THE SECOND VOLUME. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Clink2H_4_0003"> ODE, CONGRATULATORY AND ADVISIORY, </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Clink2H_4_0004"> CYTHEREAN BEAUTIES. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Clink2H_4_0005"> LADIES OF DISTINCTION, </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Clink2H_4_0006"> THE WAKE; </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Clink2H_4_0007"> THE CYPRIAN'S BALL, </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Clink2H_4_0008"> THE PHILOSOPHY OF LAUGHTER; </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Clink2H_4_0009"> THE WESTMINSTER SCHOLAR. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Clink2H_4_0010"> ON FEASTERS AND FEASTING. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Clink2H_4_0011"> A SUNDAY RAMBLE TO HIGHGATE, </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Clink2H_4_0012"> THE STOCK EXCHANGE. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Clink2H_4_0013"> THE LIFE, DEATH, BURIAL, AND RESURRECTION
+        COMPANY. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Clink2H_4_0014"> THE ISLE OF WIGHT. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Clink2H_4_0015"> A CIRCULAR, </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Clink2H_4_0016"> PORTSMOUTH IN TIME OF PEACE. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dlink2H_4_0001"> CHELTONIAN CHARACTERS. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dlink2HCH0001"> CHAPTER I. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dlink2H_4_0003"> A SECOND ODE TO BERNARD BLACKMANTLE, ESQ.
+        </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dlink2H_4_0004"> A TRIP TO THE SPAS. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dlink2HCH0002"> CHAPTER II. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dlink2H_4_0006"> TRAVELLER'S HALL. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dlink2H_4_0007"> AN EPISTLE TO BERNARD BLACKMANTLE, ESQ., </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dlink2H_4_0008"> A VISIT TO GLOUCESTER AND BERKELEY. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dlink2H_4_0009"> A DAY IN BRISTOL. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dlink2H_4_0010"> SKETCHES IN BATH. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dlink2H_4_0011"> SPORTSMAN'S HALL. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dlink2H_4_0012"> THE BATTLE OF THE CHAIRS. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dlink2H_4_0013"> SKETCHES IN BATH&mdash;CHAPTER II. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dlink2H_4_0014"> WAGGERIES AT WORCESTER. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dlink2H_4_0015"> BERNARD BLACKMANTLE TO HIS READERS. </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dlink2H_4_0016"> A SHORT ODE AT PARTING, </a>
+      </p>
+      <p>
+        <br /> <br />
+      </p>
+      <hr />
+      <p>
+        <br /> <br />
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <big><b>Illustrations</b></big>
+      </p>
+      <p>
+        <br />
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <big><b>[Color Plates in Bold Print]</b></big>
+      </p>
+      <p>
+        <br />
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0001"> Cover </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0002"> <b>Frontispiece</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0003"> Titlepage </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0004"> Page004 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0005"> Page007 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0006"> Page013 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0007"> Page018 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0008"> Page019 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0009"> Page021 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0010"> <b>Page025</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0011"> Page032 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0012"> Page 041 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0013"> Page042 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0014"> Page043 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0015"> Page048 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0016"> <b>Page049</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0017"> Page058 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0018"> Page059 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0019"> Page066 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0020"> Page088 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0021"> Page096 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0022"> Page096b </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0023"> <b>Page097</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0024"> Page105 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0025"> Page107 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0026"> Page109 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0027"> Page111 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0028"> <b>Page112</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0029"> Page113 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0030"> Page128 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0031"> Page129 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0032"> <b>Page131</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0033"> Page136 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0034"> Page149 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0035"> <b>Page151</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0036"> <b>Page153</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0037"> Page156 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0038"> Page157 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0039"> Page162 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0040"> Page164 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0041"> <b>Page165</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0042"> Page184 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0043"> Page185 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0044"> Page197 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#page199"> <b>Page199</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0045"> <b>Page205</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#image-0046"> Page220 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0001"> Page233 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0002"> <b>Page 235</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0003"> Page240 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0004"> Pge243 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0005"> <b>Page244</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0006"> Page245 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0007"> <b>Page247</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0008"> Page262 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0009"> <b>Page269</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0010"> <b>Page272</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0011"> Page273b </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0012"> Page274 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0013"> Page286 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0014"> Page291 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0015"> <b>Page296</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0016"> <b>Page298</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0017"> <b>Page303</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0018"> Page304 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0019"> <b>Page308</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0020"> Page313 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0021"> <b>Page323</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0022"> Page325 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0023"> Page326 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0024"> <b>Page329</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0025"> <b>Page331</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0026"> <b>Page335</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0027"> <b>Page 339</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0028"> <b>Page343</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0029"> <b>Page345</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0030"> <b>Page354</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0031"> <b>Page361</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0032"> Page363 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0033"> <b>Page364</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0034"> <b>Page365</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0035"> <b>Page366</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0036"> <b>Page367</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0037"> <b>Page369a</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0038"> <b>Page369b</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0039"> Page370 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Bimage-0040"> Page371 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p>
+        <br /> <br />
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Cimage-0004"> <b>Page015</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Cimage-0005"> Page021 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Cimage-0006"> <b>Page029</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Cimage-0007"> <b>Page030</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Cimage-0008"> Page033 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Cimage-0009"> <b>Page042</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Cimage-0010"> Page055 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Cimage-0011"> <b>Page056</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Cimage-0012"> <b>Page062</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Cimage-0013"> Page066 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Cimage-0014"> <b>Page067</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Cimage-0015"> <b>Page069</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Cimage-0016"> <b>Page73</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Cimage-0017"> <b>Page081</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Cimage-0018"> <b>Page089</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Cimage-0019"> Page89b </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Cimage-0020"> Page109 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Cimage-0021"> <b>Page125</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Cimage-0022"> Page139 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Cimage-0023"> <b>Page163</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Cimage-0024"> Page179 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Cimage-0025"> <b>Page184</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Cimage-0026"> <b>Page189</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Cimage-0027"> Page 191 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0001"> <b>Page193</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#page203"> <b>Page203</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0002"> <b>Page207</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0003"> <b>Page210</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0004"> <b>Page214</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0005"> <b>Page217</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0006"> <b>Page219</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0007"> Page222 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0008"> <b>Page223</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0009"> <b>Page226</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0010"> <b>Page245</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0011"> <b>Page249</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0012"> <b>Page268</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0013"> <b>Page271</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0014"> <b>Page289</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0015"> Page291 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0016"> Page292 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0017"> <b>Page293</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0018"> Page294 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0019"> Page295 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0020"> Page300 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0021"> <b>Page303</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0022"> <b>Page312</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0023"> <b>Page315</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0024"> <b>Page321</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0025"> <b>Page327</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0026"> <b>Page332</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0027"> <b>Page335</b> </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0028"> Page338 </a>
+      </p>
+      <p class="toc">
+        <a href="#Dimage-0029"> Page343 </a>
+      </p>
+    </blockquote>
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img alt="page002 (26K)" src="images/page002.jpg" width="100%" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br /> <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      BERNARD BLACKMANTLE{*} TO THE REVIEWERS.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+    "But now, what Quixote of the age would care
+     To wage a war with dirt, and fight with air?"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Messieurs the Critics,
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      After twelve months of agreeable toil, made easy by unprecedented success,
+      the period has at length arrived when your high mightinesses will be able
+      to indulge your voracious appetites by feeding and fattening on the work
+      of death. Already does my prophetic spirit picture to itself the black
+      cloud of cormorants, swelling and puffing in the fulness of their
+      editorial pride, at the huge eccentric volume which has thus thrust itself
+      into extensive circulation without the usual <i>cringings</i> and <i>cravings</i>
+      to the <i>pick fault tribe</i>. But
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          I dare defy the venal crew that prates,
+          From tailor Place* to fustian Herald Thwaites.{**}
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     * The woolly editor of the Breeches Makers', alias the
+     "Westminster Review."
+
+     ** The thing who writes the leaden (leading) articles for
+     the Morning Herald.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Let me have good proof of your greediness to devour my labours, and I will
+      dish up such a meal for you in my next volume, as shall go nigh to produce
+      extermination by <i>surfeit</i>. One favour, alone, I crave&mdash;give me
+      <i>abuse</i> enough; let no squeamish pretences of respect for my
+      bookseller, or disguised qualms of apprehension for your own sacred
+      persons, deter the <i>natural</i> inclination of your hearts. The
+      slightest deviation from your <i>usual course</i> to independent writers&mdash;or
+      one step towards commendation from your <i>gang</i>, might induce the
+      public to believe I had <i>abandoned my character</i>, and become one of
+      your <i>honourable fraternity</i>-the very <i>suspicion of which</i> would
+      (to me) produce irretrievable ruin. <i>Your masters</i>, the <i>trading
+      brotherhood</i>, will (as usual) direct you in the course you should
+      pursue; whether to approve or condemn, as their <i>'peculiar interests</i>
+      may dictate. Most <i>sapient</i> sirs of the secret <i>bandit'</i> of the
+      screen, inquisitors of literature, raise all your <i>arms</i> and <i>heels</i>,
+      your <i>daggers, masks</i>, and <i>hatchets</i>, to revenge the daring of
+      an <i>open foe</i>, who thus boldly defies your <i>base</i> and <i>selfish
+      views</i>; for, basking at his ease in the sunshine of public patronage,
+      he feels that his heart is rendered invulnerable to your<i> poisoned
+      shafts</i>. Read, and you shall find I have not been parsimonious of the
+      means to grant you <i>food</i> and <i>pleasure</i>: errors there are, no
+      doubt, and plenty of them, grammatical and typographical, all of which I
+      might have corrected by an <i>errata</i> at the end of my volume; but I
+      disdain the wish to rob you of your office, and have therefore left them
+      just where I made them, without a single note to mark them out; for if all
+      the <i>thistles were rooted up</i>, what would become of the <i>asses?</i>
+      or of those
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     "Who pin their easy faith on critic's sleeve,
+     And, knowing nothing, ev'ry thing believe?"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Fully satisfied that swarms of <i>literary blow flies</i> will pounce upon
+      the errors with delight, and, buzzing with the ecstasy of infernal joy,
+      endeavour to hum their readers into a belief of the profundity of their
+      critic erudition;&mdash;I shall nevertheless, with Churchill, laughingly
+      exclaim&mdash;"Perish my muse"
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     "If e'er her labours weaken to refine
+     The generous roughness of a nervous line."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Bernard Blackmantle.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+    <h2>
+      Contents Page Images
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <a href="images/contents-13.jpg"><big><b>[1]</b></big></a> &mdash; <a
+      href="images/contents-14.jpg"><big><b>[2]</b></big></a> &mdash; <a
+      href="images/contents-15.jpg"><big><b>[3]</b></big></a> &mdash; <a
+      href="images/contents-16.jpg"><big><b>[4]</b></big></a> &mdash; <a
+      href="images/contents-17.jpg"><big><b>[5]</b></big></a> &mdash; <a
+      href="images/contents-18.jpg"><big><b>[6]</b></big></a> <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+CONTENTS.                                                         Page
+     INTRODUCTION                                                    3
+
+     PREFACE, IN IMITATION OF THE FIRST SATIRE OF
+     PERSIUS                                                         5
+
+     REFLECTIONS, ADDRESSED TO THOSE WHO CAN
+     THINK.
+
+     Reflections of an Author&mdash;Weighty Reasons for writing&mdash;
+     Magister Artis Ingeniique Largitor Venter&mdash;Choice of Subject
+     considered&mdash;Advice of Index, the Bookseller&mdash;Of the Nature
+     of Prefaces&mdash;How to commence a new Work                         7
+
+     A FEW THOUGHTS ON MYSELF                                       14
+
+     A SHANDEAN SCENE, BETWEEN LADY MARY OLD&mdash;
+     STYLE AND HORATIO HEARTLY                                      17
+
+     SCHOOL&mdash;BOY REMINISCENCES. ON EARLY FRIEND&mdash;
+     SHIP                                                           22
+
+     CHARACTER OF BERNARD BLACKMANTLE. BY
+     HORATIO HEARTLY                                                25
+
+     ETON SKETCHES OF CHARACTER                                     32
+
+     THE FIVE PRINCIPAL ORDERS OF ETON&mdash;DOCTOR,
+     DAME, COLLEGER, OPPIDAN, AND CAD.       A
+     Sketch taken opposite the Long Walk                            42
+
+     ETON DAMES; AN ODE, NEITHER AMATORY, ILL&mdash;
+     NATURED, NOR PATHETIC                                          43
+
+     ELECTION SATURDAY.
+     A Peep at the Long Chambers&mdash;The Banquet&mdash;Reflections
+     on parting&mdash;Arrival of the Provost of King's College, Cam&mdash;
+     bridge, and the Pozers&mdash;The Captain's Oration&mdash;Busy Monday
+     &mdash;The Oppidan's Farewell&mdash;Examination and Election of the
+     Collegers who stand for King's&mdash;The aquatic Gala and Fire&mdash;
+     works&mdash;Oxonian Visitors&mdash;Night&mdash;Rambles in Eton&mdash;Transfor-
+     mations of Signs and Names&mdash;The Feast at the Christopher,
+     with a View of the Oppidan's Museum, and Eton Court of
+     Claims                                                         58
+
+     AN ETON ELECTION SCENE                                         59
+
+     HERBERT STOCKHORE, THE MONTEM POET
+     LAUREATE.
+
+     A Sketch from the Life, as he appeared in the Montem
+     Procession of May, 1823. By Bernard Blackmantle and
+     Robert Transit                                                 67
+
+     LIFE IN ETON;  A College Chaunt in praise of private
+     Tutors                                                         68
+
+     RECOLLECTIONS OF AN OLD ETONIAN                                78
+
+     ETON MONTEM                                                    96
+
+     FAREWELL TO ETON                                              105
+
+     MY VALE                                                       108
+
+     THE FRESHMAN.
+     Reflections on leaving Eton University&mdash;A Whip&mdash;Sketches
+     on the Road&mdash;The Joneses of Jesus&mdash;Picturesque Appearance
+     of Oxford from the Distance&mdash;The Arrival&mdash;Welcome of an
+     Old Etonian&mdash;Visit to Dr. Dingyman&mdash;A University Don&mdash;
+     Presentation to the Big Wig&mdash;Ceremony of Matriculation        113
+
+     CHRIST CHURCH COLLEGE.
+     Architectural Reminiscences&mdash;Descriptive Remarks&mdash;Simi-
+     litude between the Characters of Cardinal Wolsey and
+     Napoleon                                                      129
+
+     THE DINNER PARTY.
+     Bernard Blackmantle's Visit to Tom Echo&mdash;Oxford Phrase-
+     ology&mdash;Smuggled Dinners&mdash;A College Party described&mdash;
+     Topography of a Man's Room&mdash;Portrait of a Bachelor of Arts
+     &mdash;Hints to Freshmen&mdash;Customs of the University                 132
+
+     COLLEGE SERVANTS.
+     Descriptive Sketch of a College Scout&mdash;Biography of Mark
+     Supple&mdash;Singular Invitation to a Spread                       146
+
+     TAKING POSSESSION OF YOUR ROOMS.
+     Topography of a vacant College Larium&mdash;Anecdotes and
+     Propensities of Predecessors&mdash;A Long Shot&mdash;Scout's List of
+     Necessaries&mdash;Condolence of University Friends                 151
+
+     THE EXCURSION TO BAGLEY WOOD                                  157
+
+     WESTERN ENTRANCE INTO THE METROPOLIS.
+     A descriptive Sketch.
+     General Views of the Author relative to Subject and Style
+     &mdash;Time and Place&mdash;Perspective Glimpse of the great City&mdash;
+     The Approach&mdash;Cockney Salutations&mdash;The Toll House&mdash;
+     Western Entrance to Cockney Land&mdash;Hyde Park&mdash;Sunday
+     Noon-Sketches of Character, Costume, and Scenery&mdash;The
+     Ride and Drive&mdash;Kensington Gardens&mdash;Belles and Beaux-
+     Stars and fallen Stars&mdash;Singularities of 1824-Tales of Ton-
+     On Dits and Anecdotes&mdash;Sunday Evening&mdash;High Life and
+     Low Life, the Contrast&mdash;Cockney Goths&mdash;Notes, Biographical,
+     Amorous, and Exquisite                                        164
+
+     THE OPERA.
+     The Man of Fashion&mdash;Fop's Alley&mdash;Modern Roué and
+     Frequenters&mdash;Characteristic Sketches in High Life&mdash;Blue
+     Stocking Illuminati&mdash;Motives and Manners&mdash;Meeting with
+     the Honourable Lillyman Lionise&mdash;Dinner at Long's&mdash;Visit
+     to the Opera&mdash;Joined by Bob Transit&mdash;A Peep into the
+     Green Room&mdash;Secrets behind the Curtain&mdash;Noble Amateurs
+     and Foreign Curiosities&mdash;Notes and Anecdotes by Horatio
+     Heartly                                                       198
+
+     THE ROYAL SALOON.
+     Visit of Heartly, Lionise, and Transit&mdash;Description of the
+     Place&mdash;Sketches of Character&mdash;The Gambling Parsons&mdash;Horse
+     Chaunting, a true Anecdote&mdash;Bang and her Friends&mdash;Moll
+     Raffle and the Marquis W.&mdash;he Play Man&mdash;The Touter&mdash;
+     The Half-pay Officer&mdash;Charles Rattle, Esq.&mdash;Life of a modern
+     Roue&mdash;B&mdash;&mdash;&mdash; the Tailor&mdash;The Subject&mdash;Jarvey and Brooks
+     the Dissector&mdash;"Kill him when you want him"                   205
+
+     THE SPREAD, OR WINE PARTY AT BRAZEN-NOSE.
+     A College Wine Party described&mdash;Singular Whim of
+     Horace Eglantine&mdash;Meeting of the Oxford Crackademonians
+     &mdash;Sketches of Eccentric Characters, drawn from the Life&mdash;
+     The Doctor's Daughter&mdash;an old Song&mdash;A Round of Sculls&mdash;
+     Epitaphs on the Living and the Dead&mdash;Tom Tick, a College
+     Tale&mdash;The Voyagers&mdash;Notes and Anecdotes                       221
+
+     THE OXFORD RAKE'S PROGRESS                                    233
+
+     TOWN AND GOWN, AN OXFORD ROW.
+
+     Battle of the Togati and the Town&mdash;Raff&mdash;A Night&mdash;Scene in
+     the High-Street, Oxford&mdash;Description of the Combatants&mdash;
+     Attack of the Gownsmen upon the Mitre&mdash;Evolutions of the
+     Assailants&mdash;Manoeuvres of the Proctors and Bull&mdash;Dogs&mdash;
+     Perilous Condition of Blackmantle and his Associates, Eglan-
+     tine, Echo, and Transit&mdash;Snug Retreat of Lionise&mdash;The High&mdash;
+     Street after the Battle&mdash;Origin of the Argotiers, and Inven-
+     tion of Cant&mdash;phrases&mdash;History of the Intestine Wars and
+     Civil Broils of Oxford, from the Time of Alfred&mdash;Origin
+     of the late Strife&mdash;Ancient Ballad&mdash;Retreat of the Togati&mdash;
+     Reflections of a Freshman&mdash;Black Matins, or the Effect of
+     late Drinking upon early Risers&mdash;Visit to Golgotha, or the
+     Place of Sculls&mdash;Lecture from the Big&mdash;Wigs&mdash;Tom Echo
+     receives Sentence of Rustication                              246
+
+     TOWNE AND GOWNE                                               263
+
+     THE STAGE COACH, OR THE TRIP TO BRIGHTON.
+     Improvements in Travelling&mdash;Contrast of ancient and
+     modern Conveyances and Coachmen&mdash;Project for a new Land
+     Steam Carriage&mdash;The Inn&mdash;yard at the Golden Cross, Charing
+     Cross&mdash;Mistakes of Passengers&mdash;Variety of Characters&mdash;Ad-
+     vantages of the Box&mdash;seat&mdash;Obstructions on the Road&mdash;A
+     Pull&mdash;up at the Elephant and Castle&mdash;Move on to Kennington
+     Common&mdash;New Churches&mdash;Civic Villas at Brixton&mdash;Modern
+     Taste in Architecture described&mdash;Arrival at Croydon; why
+     not now the King's Road?&mdash;The Joliffe Hounds&mdash;A Hunting
+     Leader&mdash;Anecdotes of the Horse, by Coachee&mdash;The new
+     Tunnel at Reigate&mdash;The Baron's Chamber&mdash;The Golden Ball
+     &mdash;the Silver Ball&mdash;and the Golden Calf&mdash;Entrance into
+     Brighton                                                      274
+
+     THE PROPOSITION.
+     Family Secrets&mdash;Female Tactics&mdash;How to carry the Point        287
+
+     SKETCHES AT BRIGHTON.
+     The Pavilion Party&mdash;Interior described&mdash;Royal and Noble
+     Anecdotes&mdash;The King and Mathews                               292
+
+     CHARACTERS ON THE BEACH AND STEYNE,
+     BRIGHTON.
+     On Bathing and Bathers&mdash;Advantages of Shampooing&mdash;
+     French Decency&mdash;Brighton Politeness&mdash;Sketches of Character
+     &mdash;The Banker's Widow&mdash;Miss J&mdash;&mdash;s&mdash;Mrs. F&mdash;&mdash;1&mdash;Peter
+     Paragraph, he London Correspondent&mdash;J&mdash;k S&mdash;&mdash;h&mdash;The
+     French Consul&mdash;Paphian Divinities&mdash;C&mdash;&mdash; L&mdash;&mdash;,  Esq.
+     Squeeze into the Libraries&mdash;The new Plunging Bath&mdash;
+     Chain Pier&mdash;Cockney Comicalities&mdash;Royal Gardens&mdash;The
+     Club House                                                    305
+
+     METROPOLITAN SKETCHES.
+     Heartly, Echo, and Transit start for a Spree&mdash;Scenes by
+     Daylight, Starlight, and Gaslight&mdash;Black Monday at Tatter&mdash;
+     sail's&mdash;The first Meeting after the Great St. Leger&mdash;Heroes of
+     the Turf paying and receiving&mdash;Dinner at Fishmongers' Hall
+     &mdash;Committee of Greeks&mdash;The Affair of the Cogged Dice&mdash;A
+     Regular Break&mdash;down&mdash;Rules for the New Club&mdash;The Daffy
+     Club, or a Musical Muster of the Fancy: striking Portraits&mdash;
+     Counting the Stars&mdash;Covent Garden, what it was and what it
+     is&mdash;The Finish&mdash;Anecdotes of Characters&mdash;The Hall of Infamy,
+     alias the Covent Garden Hell                                  327
+
+     VISIT TO WESTMINSTER HALL.
+     Worthies thereof&mdash;Legal Sketches of the Long Robe&mdash;An
+     Awkward Recognition&mdash;Visit to Banco Regis&mdash;Surrey Col&mdash;
+     legians giving a Lift to a Limb of the Law&mdash;Out of Rule and in
+     Rule&mdash;"Thus far shalt thou go, and no further"&mdash;Park
+     Rangers personified&mdash;Visit to the Life Academy, Somerset
+     House&mdash;R. A&mdash;ys of Genius reflecting on the true Line of
+     Beauty&mdash;Peep into the Green Rooms of the two Theatres Royal,
+     Drury Lane and Covent Garden&mdash;Bernard Blackmantle
+     reading his new Play and Farce&mdash;The City Ball at the Mansion
+     House&mdash;The Squeeze&mdash;Civic Characters&mdash;Return to Oxford&mdash;
+     Invite to Cambridge&mdash;Jemmy Gordon's Frolic&mdash;Term ends         355
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+    <h2>
+      Illustration Listing Page Images
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <a href="images/Illus-19.jpg"><big><b>[1]</b></big></a> &mdash; <a
+      href="images/Illus-20.jpg"><big><b>[2]</b></big></a> &mdash; <a
+      href="images/Illus-21.jpg"><big><b>[3]</b></big></a> &mdash; <a
+      href="images/Illus-22.jpg"><big><b>[4]</b></big></a> &mdash; <a
+      href="images/Illus-23.jpg"><big><b>[5]</b></big></a> &mdash; <a
+      href="images/Illus-24.jpg"><big><b>[6]</b></big></a> &mdash; <a
+      href="images/Illus-25.jpg"><big><b>[7]</b></big></a> &mdash; <a
+      href="images/Illus-26.jpg"><big><b>[8]</b></big></a> &mdash; <a
+      href="images/Illus-27.jpg"><big><b>[9]</b></big></a> &mdash; <a
+      href="images/Illus-28.jpg"><big><b>[10]</b></big></a> <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+    <h3>
+      ILLUSTRATIONS IN THE ENGLISH SPY.
+    </h3>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     (By R. CRUIKSHANK unless otherwise attributed)
+
+     We hope it will be generally admitted that few volumes have
+     a more decided claim upon the public patronage, in respect
+     to the novelty and variety of design, as well as the number
+     of illustrations, than the one here presented to the reader.
+     To speak of the choice humorous talent engaged in the work
+     would only be to re-echo the applauding sentiments of the
+     reviewers and admirers of rich graphic excellence.
+     Cruikshank and Rowlandson are names not unworthy a space
+     upon the same roll with Hogarth, Gilray, and Bunbury: to
+     exhibit scenes of character in real life, sketched upon the
+     spot, was an undertaking of no mean importance;
+     particularly, when it is remembered how great the difficulty
+     must have been in collecting together accurate portraits.
+     The work, it will be perceived, contains thirty-six Copper-
+     Plates, etched, aquainted, and coloured, by and under the
+     direction of the respective artists whose names appear to
+     the different subjects, the principal part of which are the
+     sole production of Mr. Robert Cruikshank. The Wood
+     Engravings, twenty-eight in number, besides the <i>Vignettes</i>,
+     (which are numerous), are equally full of merit; and will be
+     found, upon examination, to be every way worthy the superior
+     style of typographical excellence which characterises the
+     volume,
+
+     I.
+
+     THE FRONTISPIECE
+
+     Is intended to convey a general idea of the nature of the
+     work; combining, in rich classic taste, a variety of
+     subjects illustrative of the polished as well as the more
+     humble scenes of real life. It represents a Gothic Temple,
+     into which the artist, Mr. Robert Cruikshank, has introduced
+     a greater variety of characteristic subject than was ever
+     before compressed into one design. In the centre
+     compartment, at the top, we have a view of a Terrestrial
+     Heaven, where Music, Love, and gay Delight are all united to
+     lend additional grace to Fashion, and increase the splendour
+     of the revels of Terpsichore. In the niches, on each side,
+     are the twin genii, Poetry and Painting; while the
+     pedestals, right and left, present the protectors of their
+     country, the old Soldier and Sailor, retired upon pensions,
+     enjoying and regaling themselves on the bounty of their
+     King. In the centre of the Plate are three divisions
+     representing the King, Lords, and Commons in the full
+     exercise of their prerogatives. The figures on each side are
+     portraits of Bernard Blackmantle (the English Spy), and his
+     friend, Robert Transit (the artist), standing on projecting
+     pedestals, and playing with the world as a ball; not
+     doubting but for this piece of vanity, the world, or the
+     reviewers for them, will knock them about in return. On the
+     front of the pedestals are the arms of the Universities of
+     Oxford and Cambridge; and in the centre armorial shields of
+     the Cities of London and Westminster. The picture of a
+     modern Hell, in the centre, between the pedestals, has the
+     very appropriate emblems of Misery and Death, in the niches
+     on each side. Crowning the whole, the Genius of Wit is seen
+     astride of an eagle, demonstrative of strength, and wielding
+     in his hand the lash of Satire; an instrument which, in the
+     present work, has been used more as a corrective of we than
+     personal ill-nature.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     II.
+
+     THE FIVE PRINCIPAL ORDERS OF SOCIETY.
+     The King-Corinthian; an elegant Female-Composite; the
+     Nobleman-Doric; a Member of the University-Ionic; and the
+     Buck of Fashion-Tuscan. On the left hand may be seen a
+     specimen of the Exquisite, a new order in high estimation at
+     the west end of the Town; and on the right hand stands an
+     old order of some solidity in the eastern parts of the
+     Metropolis. Fashion, Taste, and Fame, are emblematical of
+     the varied pursuits of life; while the Army and Navy of the
+     country are the capitals that crown the superstructure,
+     combining the ornamental with the useful.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     III.
+
+     FIRST ABSENCE, OR THE SONS OF OLD ETONA
+     ANSWERING MORNING MUSTER-ROLL.                                 25
+     A view of the school-yard, Eton, at the time first Absence
+     is called, and just when the learned Doctor Keat is reviewing
+     the upper school.    (Portraits.)
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     IV.
+
+     THE OPPIDAN'S MUSEUM, OR ETON COURT OF
+     CLAIMS AT THE CHRISTOPHER.                                     49
+     Bernard Blackmantle and Robert Transit sitting in judge-
+     ment after Election Saturday, apportioning the remuneration
+     money to the different claimants of the surrounding trophies.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     V.
+
+     ETON MONTEM, AND THE MOUNT, SALT HILL.                         96
+     An accurate sketch of this ancient customary procession
+     made upon the spot.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     VI.
+
+     THE FIRST BOW TO ALMA MATER.                                  113
+     Bernard Blackmantle's Introduction to the Big Wig on his
+     Arrival at Oxford.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     VII.
+
+     FLOORING OF MERCURY, OR BURNING THE OAKS.                     131
+     A scene in Tom Quadrangle, Oxford.
+
+          "If wits aright their tale of terror tell,
+          A little after great Mercurius fell,
+
+          ***
+
+          Gownsmen and Townsmen throng'd the water's edge
+          To gaze upon the dreadful sacrilege:
+
+          ***
+
+          &mdash;&mdash;&mdash;there with drooping mien a silent band
+          Canons and Bedmaker together stand:&mdash;
+
+          ***
+
+          In equal horror all alike were seen,
+          And shuddering scouts forgot to cap the Dean."
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     VIII.
+
+     COLLEGE COMFORTS.                                             151
+     Taking possession of your rooms. Bernard Blackmantle
+     taking possession of his rooms in Brazennose. Scout's list of
+     wants. Standing the quiz of the Togati Visible propensities
+     of your predecessor. The day of purification.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     IX.
+
+     CAP-ING A PROCTOR, OR OXFORD BULL-DOGS
+     DETECTING BRAZENNOSE SMUGGLERS.                               152
+     Tom Echo and Horace Eglantine lowering the plate-basket,
+     after the College-gates are closed, to obtain a supply of fresh
+     provision, are detected by the Proctor and Town Marshal with
+     their Bull-Dogs: in their alarm the basket and its contents are
+     suddenly let fall upon the Proctor, who is not able to under-
+     stand the joke.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     X.
+
+     THE ARRIVAL, OR WESTERN ENTRANCE INTO
+     COCKNEY LAND.                                                 164
+     Portrait of high and low life Dandies and Dandysettes.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XI.
+     THE GREEN-ROOM OF THE KING'S THEATRE, R
+     NOBLE   AMATEURS VIEWING FOREIGN CURIOSITIES.           198
+     Portraits of ten noble and distinguished patrons of the
+     opera, with those of certain daughters of Terpsichore.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XII.
+     THE ROYAL SALOON IN PICCADILLY, OR AN HOUR
+     AFTER THE OPERA.                                              205
+     Heartly, Lionise, and Transit in search of Character&mdash;The
+     gambling Parsons&mdash;Legs and Leg-ees-Tats men and touters&mdash;
+     Moll Raffle and Bang.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XIII.
+
+     OXFORD TRANSPORTS, OR UNIVERSITY EXILES.                      235
+     Albanians doing penance for past offences. A Scene sketched
+     from the Life. Horace Eglantine is proposing "the Study of
+     the Fathers," a favourite College toast, while Tom Echo is
+     enforcing Obedience to the President's proposition by finishing
+     off a Shirker. Dick Gradus having been declared absent, is
+     taking a cool nap with the Ice-pail in his arms and his head
+     resting upon a Greek Lexicon: in the left hand corner may
+     be seen a Scout bearing off a dead Man, (but not without hope
+     of Resurrection). Bob Transit and Bernard Blackmantle
+     occupy the situation on each side of Dick Gradus; in the
+     right-hand corner, Horace's servant is drawing the last Cork
+     from the parting bottle, which is to welcome in the peep o' day.
+     Injustice to the present authorities it should be stated,
+     that this is a Scene of other limes.&mdash;Vide A.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XIV.
+     SHOW SUNDAY, A VIEW IN THE BROAD WALK,
+     CHRIST CHURCH MEADOWS, OXFORD.                                244
+     Portraits of the Togati and the town, including big wigs,
+     nobs, and dons. Among the more conspicuous are Dr. Kett,
+     Lord G. Grenville, Dr. Grovesnor, Alderman Fletcher, and
+     Mr. Swan.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XV.
+     TOWN AND GOWN.                                                246
+     Battle of the Togati and Town Raff of Oxford, a night scene.
+     &mdash;Bernard and his Friends, Horace and Tom, distributing
+     among the Bargees of St. Clement's.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XVI.
+
+     BLACK MATINS, OR THE EFFECTS OF LATE
+     DRINKING UPON EARLY RISERS.                                   269
+     A Most Imposing Scene.-Time seven o'clock in the Morn-
+     ing, the last bell has just tolled, and the University Men have
+     just turned out, while the hunting-frock, boots, and appear-
+     ance of some of the party, proclaim that they have just turned
+     in; all are eager to save fine and imposition, and not a few are
+     religiously disturbed in their Dreams. The admirable disorder
+     of the party is highly illustrative of the Effect produced by an
+     Evening Wine Party in College Rooms.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XVII.
+     GOLGOTHA, OR THE PLACE OF SCULLS.                             272
+     Tom Echo receiving sentence of Rustication. The Big Wigs
+     in a Bustle. Lecture on disobedience and chorus of the
+     Synod. Reports from the Isle of Bull dogs. Running foul
+     of the Quicksands of Rustication after having passed Point
+     Failure and The Long Hope. Nearly blown up at Point
+     Nonplus, and obliged to lay by to refit.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XVIII.
+     THE EVENING PARTY AT THE PAVILION,
+     BRIGHTON. (BY O. M. BRIOHTY.)                                 296
+     Interior of the Yellow Room&mdash;Portraits of His Majesty,
+     the Duke of York, and Princess Augusta, Marquis and
+     Marchioness of Conyngham, Earl of Arran, Lord Francis
+     Conyngham, Lady Elizabeth and Sir H. Barnard, Sir H.
+     Turner, Sir W. Knighton, Sir E. Nagle, and Sir C. Paget,
+     sketched from the Life.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XIX.
+     THE KING AT HOME, OR MATHEWS AT CARLTON
+     HOUSE.                                                        298
+     A scene founded on fact; including Portraits of the King,
+     Mathews, and other celebrated persons.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XX.
+     A FROLIC IN HIGH LIFE, OR, A VISIT TO BILLINGS-
+     GATE.                                                         303
+     A very extraordinary whim of two very distinguished
+     females, whose Portraits will be easily recognised.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XXI.
+     CHARACTERS ON THE STEYNE, BRIGHTON.                           309
+     Portraits of illustrious, noble, and wealthy Visitors&mdash;The
+     Banker's Widow&mdash;A Bathing Group&mdash;The Chain Pier, &amp;c.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XXII.
+     TOM ECHO LAID UP WITH THE HEDDINGTON
+     FEVER, OR AN OXONIAN VERY NEAR THE
+     WALL.                                                         323
+     Symptoms of having been engaged too deeply in the study
+     of Hie fathers. Portrait of a well-known Esculapian chief.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XXIII.
+
+     MONDAY AFTER THE GREAT ST. LEGER, OR
+     HEROES OF THE TURF PAYING AND RECEIVING
+     AT TATTERSALL'S.                                              329
+     This sketch was made upon the spot by my friend Transit,
+     on the Monday following the result of the last Great St. Leger
+     in 1823, when the Legs were, for the most part, in mourning
+     from the loss of their favourite Sherwood. Some long faces
+     will be easily recognized, and some few round ones, though
+     Barefoots, not easily be forgotten. The Tinkers were many
+     of them Levanters. Here may be seen the Peer and the Prig,
+     the Wise one and the Green one, the Pigeon and the Rook
+     amalgamated together. It is almost unnecessary to say, the
+     greater part of the characters are portraits.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XXIV.
+
+     EXTERIOR OF FISHMONGERS'-HALL, ST. JAMES'S
+     STREET, WITH A VIEW OF A REGULAR BREAKDOWN.                   331
+     Portraits of the Master Fishmonger, and many well-
+     known Greeks and Pigeons.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XXV.
+
+     INTERIOR OF A MODERN HELL.    (Vide the affair of
+     the cogged dice.)                                             334
+     Portraits of upwards of twenty well-known Punters and
+     Frequenters&mdash;Greeks and Pigeons, noble and ignoble&mdash;The
+     Fishmonger in a fright, or the gudgeon turned shark&mdash;Expose
+     of Saint Hugh's Bones&mdash;Secrets worth knowing.    (See work.)
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XXVI.
+     THE DAFFY CLUB,   OR A   MUSICAL MUSTER OF
+     THE FANCY.                                                    339
+     Interior of Tom Belcher's Parlour. Heartly and Bob in
+     search of Character. Striking likenesses of Boxers, Betters,
+     &amp;c.&mdash;with a pen and ink Sketch of a Noted&mdash;one&mdash;a fine
+     School for Practical Experience. (For key to Portraits-
+     see work.)
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XXVII.
+
+     PEEP 0' DAYS AND FAMILY MEN AT THE FINISH.                    342
+     A Night Scene near Covent Garden&mdash;Coffee and comical
+     company.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XXVIII.
+     FAMILY MEN AT FAULT, OR AN UNEXPECTED
+     VISIT FROM THE BISHOP AND HIS CHAPLAINS.                      345
+     A Scene near Covent Garden, in which are introduced
+     certain well-known Characters and Bow-street Officers: in-
+     cluding Messrs. Bishop, Smith, Ruthven, and Townshend.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XXIX.
+
+     THE HALL OF INFAMY, ALIAS OYSTER SALOON,
+     IN BRYDGES-STREET, OR NEW COVENT GARDEN HELL.                 354
+     Portraits of the old Harridan and her Flask man Tom.
+     Sketches of Sharps and Flats, Green ones and Impures.
+     Done from the Life.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XXX.
+
+     WESTMINSTER HALL.                                             361
+     Portraits of well-known Worthies of the Bar.&mdash;The Maiden
+     Brief.&mdash;Dick Gradus examining a Witness.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XXXI.
+
+     SURREY COLLEGIANS GIVING A LIFT TO A LIMB
+     OF THE LAW.                                                   364
+     Interior of the King's Bench Prison&mdash;Rough-drying a Lawyer.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XXXII.
+     R-A-YS OF GENIUS REFLECTING ON THE TRUE
+     LINE OF BEAUTY AT THE LIFE ACADEMY,
+     SOMERSET HOUSE. (BY T.   ROWLANDSON.)                        365
+     Bob Transit's first appearance as a student. Sketching
+     from the Life. Outlines of character. How to grow rich but
+     not great. Secrets worth knowing, and Portraits of all the
+     Well-known.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XXXIII.
+
+     BERNARD BLACKMANTLE READING HIS PLAY IN
+     THE GREEN-ROOM OF COVENT GARDEN THEATRE.                      366
+     Portraits of Messrs. C. Kemble, Fawcett, Farley, Jones,
+     Farren, Grimaldi, Macready, Young, T. P. Cooke, Chapman,
+     Blanchard, Abbott, Cooper, Yates, and the English Spy;
+     Mrs. Davenport, Miss Chester, Miss M. Tree, Miss Love, and
+     Mrs. Davison.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XXXIV.
+
+     BERNARD BLACKMANTLE READING HIS FARCE IN
+     THE GREEN ROOM OF THE THEATRE ROYAL,
+     DRURY LANE.  (by T. Wageman.)                                 367
+     Portraits of Elliston, Dowton, Harley, Munden, Knight,
+     Liston, Oxberry, Sherwin, Gattie, Wallack, Terry, G. Smith,
+     and Barnard, Miss Stephens, Mrs. Orger, Madame Vestris,
+     Mrs. Harlowe, and the English Spy. The Likenesses are all
+     studies from the life.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XXXV.
+     THE CITY BALL AT THE MANSION HOUSE.                           368
+     Portraits of the Duke of Sussex, the Lord Mayor (Waith-
+     man) and Lady Mayoress, the Sheriffs Laurie and Whittaker,
+     Aldermen Wood and Curtis, Sir Richard Phillips, Messrs.
+     Hone, Patten, with other well-known Characters.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     XXXVI.
+     JEMMY GORDON'S FROLIC.                           369
+     A Cambridge tale. Vide Peter House.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     ILLUSTRATIONS ON WOOD
+
+     FROM ORIGINAL DESIGNS BY CRUIKSHANK, ROWLANDSON,
+     GILRAY, AND FINLAY, ENGRAVED BY BONNER AND HUGHES.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     VIGNETTE ON TITLE PAGE.
+     Old Father Time borne away on the shoulders of the Genii,
+     Frolic, Mirth, and Fancy.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1.   The Author's Chamber&mdash;Index, the bookseller, and Ber-
+     nard Blackmantle, projecting a new work
+
+     2.   Horatio Heartly reading the "English Spy" to Lady
+     Mary Oldstyle                                                  17
+
+     3.   A correct view of Eton College from the playing-fields    32
+
+     4.  The five principal orders of Eton&mdash;Doctor, Dame,
+     Colleger, Oppidan, and Cad. A Sketch taken opposite the
+     Long Walk                                                      42
+
+     5.  The Cloisters, Eton College                                58
+
+     6.   Herbert Stockhore, the Montem Poet Laureate, a Sketch
+     from the Life as he appeared in the Montem Procession of
+     May, 1823                                                      59
+
+     7.   Accurate View of the Interior of Eton College Hall        96
+
+     8.   Interior of Eton School Room                             105
+
+     9.   The Oxonian reclining, an emblematical design            111
+
+     10.  Five characteristic orders of Oxford                     113
+
+     11.  Portrait of Mr. B&mdash;the classical Alma Mater Coachman
+     of Oxford                                                     128
+
+     12.  View of Christchurch College                             129
+
+     13.  A Bachelor of Arts drinking of the Pierian Spring        136
+
+     14.  View of Bagley Wood with the Gipsy party. An
+     extraordinary fine specimen of art, by Bonner.                157
+
+     15.   Mother Goose, a portrait                                162
+
+     16.   Kensington Gardons, Sunday Evening. Portraits of
+     well-known fashionable eccentricities                         164
+
+     17.   Vignette.&mdash;he Subject and the Resurrection Jarvey,
+     or "Kill him when you want him"                               220
+
+     18.   Albanians starting for a spree, or Tom Tick on the road
+     to Jericho                                                    233
+
+     19.  Waiting for bail                                         240
+
+     20.  The Don and the fair of St. Clement's. An Oxford
+     scene                                                         243
+
+     21.   The University Rake's Progress                          273
+
+     22.   The newly invented Steam Coach                          274
+
+     23.   View of the Pavilion, Brighton, from the London Road    286
+
+     24.  A Night Scene, or, a rum start near B&mdash;&mdash; H&mdash;&mdash;l         304
+
+     25.   The Widow's ultimatum. A cutting joke, with a most
+     affecting catastrophe                                         313
+
+     26.   College Frolics, or catching Urals at Ch. Ch.           325
+
+     27.   Roues rusticating in Surrey, or, the first glimpse of
+     Banco Regis                                                   363
+
+     28.   Term, ends&mdash;Adieu to fagging&mdash;The High-street, Oxford
+     &mdash;The Togati in a bustle&mdash;The merry good bye                  370
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE ENGLISH SPY.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Nor rank, nor order, nor condition,
+     Imperial, lowly, or patrician,
+     Shall, when they see this volume, cry,
+     "The satirist has pass'd us by:"
+     But, with good humour, view our page
+     Depict the manners of the age.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_INTR" id="link2H_INTR">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      INTRODUCTION.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     "The proper study of mankind is man."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      A RHAPSODY.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Life's busy scene I sing! Its countenance, and form, and varied hue, drawn
+      within the compass of the eye. No tedious voyage, or weary pilgrimage o'er
+      burning deserts, or tempestuous seas, my progress marks, to trace great
+      nature's sources to the fount, and bare her secrets to the common view.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     In search of wonders, let the learn'd embark,
+     From lordly Elgin, to lamented Park,
+     To find out what I perhaps some river's course,
+     Or antique fragments of a marble horse;
+     While I, more humble, local scenes portray,
+     And paint the men and manners of the day.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Life's a theatre, man the chief actor, and the source from which the
+      dramatist must cull his choicest beauties, painting up to nature the
+      varied scenes which mark the changeful courses of her motley groups. Here
+      she opes her volume to the view of contemplative minds, and spreads her
+      treasures forth, decked in all the variegated tints that Flora, goddess of
+      the flowery mead and silvery dell, with many coloured hue, besprinkles the
+      luxuriant land.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Here, reader, will we travel forth, and in our journey make survey of all
+      that's interesting and instructive. Man's but the creature of a little
+      hour, the phantom of a transitory life; prone to every ill, subject to
+      every woe; and oft the more eccentric in his sphere, as rare abilities may
+      gild his brow, setting form, law, and order at defiance. His glass a third
+      decayed 'fore reason shines, and ere perfection crowns maturity, he sinks
+      forgotten in his parent dust. Such then is man, uncertain as the wind, by
+      nature formed the creature of caprice, and as Atropos wills, day by day,
+      we number to our loss some mirth-enlivening soul, whose talents gave a
+      lustre to the scene.-Serious and solemn, thoughts be hence away!
+      imagination wills that playful satire reign:&mdash;by sportive fancy led,
+      we take the field.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0004" id="image-0004">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page004.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page004 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[4]</span> <a name="link2H_PREF" id="link2H_PREF">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      PREFACE, IN IMITATION OF THE FIRST SATIRE OF PERSIUS.
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      DIALOGUE BETWEEN THE AUTHOR AND HIS FRIEND.
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      Author. However dangerous, or however vain, I am resolved.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Friend. You'll not offend again?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Author. I will, by Jove!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Friend. Take my advice, reflect; Who'll buy your sketches?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Author. Many, I expect.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Friend. I fear but few, unless, Munchausen-like, You've something strange,
+      that will the public strike: Men with six heads, or monsters with twelve
+      tails, Who patter flash, for nothing else prevails In this dull age.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Author. Then my success is certain; I think you'll say so when I draw the
+      curtain, And, presto! place before your wond'ring eyes A race of beings
+      that must 'cite surprise; The strangest compound truth and contradiction
+      Owe to dame Nature, or the pen of Action; Where wit and folly, pride and
+      modest worth, Go hand in hand, or jostle at a birth; Where prince, peer,
+      peasant, politician meet, And beard each other in the public street; <span
+      class="pagenum">[6]</span> Where ancient forms, though still admired, Are
+      phantoms that have long expired; Where science droops 'fore sovereign
+      folly, And arts are sick with melancholy; Where knaves gain wealth, and
+      honest fellows, By hunger pinch'd, blow knav'ry's bellows; Where wonder
+      rises upon wonder&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Friend. Hold! Or you may leave no wonders to be told. Your book, to sell,
+      must have a subtle plot&mdash;Mark the Great Unknown, wily ***** ****:
+      Print in America, publish at Milan; There's nothing like this
+      Scotch-Athenian plan, To hoax the cockney lack-brains.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Author. It shall be: Books, like Madeira, much improve at sea; 'Tis said
+      it clears them from the mist and smell Of modern Athens, so says sage
+      Cadell, Whose dismal tales of shipwreck, stress of weather, Sets all
+      divine <i>Nonsensia</i> mad together; And, when they get the dear-bought
+      novel home, "They love it for the dangers it has overcome."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Friend. I like your plan: "art sure there's no offence?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Author. None that's intended to wound common-sense. For your uncommon
+      knaves who rule the town, Your M.P.'s, M.D.'s, R.A.'s and silk gown,
+      Empirics in all arts, every degree, Just Satire whispers are fair game for
+      me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Friend. The critic host beware!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Author. Wherefore, I pray? "The cat will mew, the dog will have his day."
+      Let them bark on! who heeds their currish note Knows not the world&mdash;they
+      howl, for food, by rote.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0005" id="image-0005">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page007.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page007 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[7]</span> REFLECTIONS, ADDRESSED TO THOSE WHO CAN
+      THINK.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Reflections of an Author&mdash;Weighty Reasons for writing&mdash;
+     Magister artis ingeniique largitor Venter&mdash;Choice of Subject
+     considered&mdash;Advice of Index, the Book-seller&mdash;Of the Nature
+     of Prefaces&mdash;How to commence a new Work.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Author (solus). I must write&mdash;my last sovereign has long since been
+      transferred to the safe keeping of mine hostess, to whom I have the honor
+      to be obliged. I just caught a glance of her inflexible countenance this
+      morning in passing the parlour door; and methought I could perceive the
+      demon aspect of suspicion again spreading his corrosive murky hue over her
+      furrowed front. The enlivening appearance of my golden ambassador had for
+      a few days procured me a faint smile of complacency; but the spell is
+      past, and I shall again be doomed to the humiliation <span class="pagenum">[8]</span>
+      of hearing Mrs Martha Bridget's morning lectures on the necessity of
+      punctuality. Well, she must be quieted, (i.e.) promise crammed,
+      (satisfied, under existing circumstances, is impossible): I know it will
+      require no little skill to obtain fresh supplies from her stores, without
+      the master-key which unlocks the flinty heart; but <i>nil desperandum</i>,
+      he who can brave a formidable army of critics, in pursuit of the bubble
+      fame, may at least hope to find wit enough to quiet the interested
+      apprehensions of an old woman. And yet how mortifying is the very
+      suspicion of inattention and disrespect. I have rung six times for my
+      breakfast, and as many more for my boots, before either have made their
+      appearance; the first has indeed just arrived, with a lame apology from
+      mine hostess, that the gentleman on the first floor is a very impetuous
+      fellow, requires prompt attention, gives a great deal of trouble&mdash;but&mdash;then
+      he pays a great deal of money, and above all, is very punctual: here is my
+      <i>quietus</i> at once; the last sentence admits of no reply from a
+      pennyless author. My breakfast table is but the spectre of former times;&mdash;no
+      eggs on each side of my cup, or a plate of fresh Lynn shrimps, with an
+      inviting salt odour, that would create an appetite in the stomach of an
+      invalid; a choice bit of dried salmon, or a fresh cut off the roll of some
+      violet-scented Epping butter;&mdash;all have disappeared; nay, even the
+      usual allowance of cream has degenerated into skimmed milk, and that is
+      supplied in such cautious quantities, that I can scarce eke it out to
+      colour my three cups of inspiring bohea.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      (A knock at the door.) That single rap at the street door is very like the
+      loud determined knock of a dun. The servant is ascending the stairs&mdash;it
+      must be so&mdash;she advances upon the second flight;&mdash;good heavens,
+      how stupid!&mdash;I particularly told her I should not be in town to any
+      of these people for a month. The inattention of servants is unbearable;
+      they can tell fibs <span class="pagenum">[9]</span> enough to suit their
+      own purposes, but a little white one to serve a gentleman lodger, to put
+      off an impertinent tradesman, or save him from the toils of a sheriffs
+      officer, is sure to be marred in the relation, or altogether forgotten.
+      I'll lock my chamber door, however, by way of precaution. (Servant
+      knocking.) "What do you want?" "Mr. Index, sir, the little gentleman in
+      black." "Show him up, Betty, directly." The key is instantly turned; the
+      door set wide open; and I am again seated in comfort at my table: the
+      solicitude, fear, and anxiety, attendant upon the apprehensions of
+      surprise, a bailiff, and a prison, all vanish in a moment.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "My dear Index, you are welcome; the last person I expected, although the
+      first I could have wished to have seen: to what fortunate circumstance am
+      I to attribute the honor of this friendly visit?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Business, sir; I am a man of business: your last publication has sold
+      pretty well, considering how dreadfully it was cut up in the reviews; I
+      have some intention of reprinting a short edition, if you are not too
+      exorbitant in your demands; not that I think the whole number will be
+      sold, but there is a chance of clearing the expenses. A portrait by
+      Wageman, the announcement of a second edition, with additions, may help it
+      off; but then these additional costs will prevent my rewarding your merits
+      to the extent I am sensible you deserve."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Name your own terms, Index, for after all you know it must come to that,
+      and I am satisfied you will be as liberal as you can afford." Put in this
+      way, the most penurious of the speculating tribe in paper and print would
+      have strained a point, to overcome their natural infirmity: with Index it
+      was otherwise; nature had formed him with a truly liberal heart: the
+      practice of the trade, and the necessary caution attendant upon
+      bookselling speculations, only operated as a check to the noble-minded
+      generosity of the <span class="pagenum">[10]</span> man, without
+      implanting in his bosom the avarice and extortion generally pursued by his
+      brethren.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The immediate subject of his visit arranged to our mutual satisfaction, I
+      ventured to inquire what style of work was most likely to interest the
+      taste of the town. 'The town itself&mdash;satire, sir, fashionable satire.
+      If you mean to grow rich by writing in the present day, you must first
+      learn to be satirical; use the lash, sir, as all the great men have done
+      before you, and then, like Canning in the Cabinet, or Gifford and Jeffery
+      as reviewers, or Byron and Southey as poets, you will be followed more
+      from the fear of your pen than from the splendour of your talents, the
+      consistency of your conduct, or the morality of your principles. Sir, if
+      you can but use the tomahawk skilfully, your fortune is certain. '<i>Sic
+      itur ad astra</i>.' Read Blackwood's Noctea Ambrosiance. Take the town by
+      surprise, folly by the ears; 'the glory, jest, and riddle of the world' is
+      man; use your knowledge of this ancient volume rightly, and you may soon
+      mount the car of fortune, and drive at random wherever your fancy
+      dictates. Bear in mind the Greek proverb, '<i>Mega biblion, mega kakon</i>.'
+      In your remarks, select such persons who, from their elevated situations
+      in society, ought to be above reproof, and whose vices are, therefore,
+      more worthy of public condemnation:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     '&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;Ridiculum acri
+     Fortius ac melius magnas plerumque secat res.'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      By this means you will benefit the state, and improve the morals of
+      society. The most wholesome truths may be told with pleasantry. Satire, to
+      be severe, needs not to be scurrilous. The approval of the judicious will
+      always follow the ridicule which is directed against error, ignorance, and
+      folly."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      How long little Index might have continued in this strain I know not, if I
+      had not ventured to suggest <span class="pagenum">[11]</span> that the
+      course he pointed out was one of great difficulty, and considerable
+      personal hazard; that to arrive at fortune by such means, an author must
+      risk the sacrifice of many old connexions, and incur no inconsiderable
+      dangers; that great caution would be necessary to escape the fangs of the
+      forensic tribe, and that in voluntarily thrusting his nose into such a
+      nest of hornets, it would be hardly possible to escape being severely
+      stung in retaliation. "<i>Pulchrum est accusari ah accusandis</i>," said
+      my friend, the bookseller, "who has suffered more by the fashionable world
+      than yourself? Have you not dissipated a splendid patrimony in a series of
+      the most liberal entertainments? Has not your generous board been graced
+      with the presence of royalty? and the banquet enriched by the attendant
+      stars of nobility, from the duke to the right honorable knight commander.
+      And have you not since felt the most cruel neglect from these your early
+      associates, and much obliged friends, with no crime but poverty, with no
+      reproach but the want of prudence? Have you not experienced ingratitude
+      and persecution in every shape that human baseness could find ingenuity to
+      inflict? And can you hesitate to avail yourself of the noble revenge in
+      your power, when it combines the advantages of being morally profitable
+      both to yourself and society?
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     '&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;Velat materna tempora myrto.'
+     Virg.
+
+     'When Vice the shelter of a mask disdain'd,
+     When Folly triumph'd, and a Nero reign'd,
+     Petronius rose satiric, yet polite,
+     And show'd the glaring monster full in sight;
+     To public mirth exposed the imperial beast,
+     And made his wanton court the common jest.'"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      With this quotation, delivered with good emphasis, little Index bade me
+      good morning, and left me impressed with no mean opinion of his
+      friendship, <span class="pagenum">[12]</span> and with an increased
+      admiration of his knowledge of the world.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But how (thought I) am I to profit by his advice? In what shape shall I
+      commence my eccentric course? A good general at the head of a large army,
+      on the eve of a general battle, with the enemy full in view, feels less
+      embarrassment than a young author finds in marshalling his crude ideas,
+      and placing the raw recruits of the brain in any thing like respectable
+      order. For the title, that is quite a matter of business, and depends more
+      upon the bookseller's opinion of what may be thought attractive than any
+      affinity it may possess to the work itself. Dedications are, thanks to the
+      economy of fashion, out of date: great men have long since been laughed
+      into good sense in that particular. A preface (if there be one) should
+      partake something of the spirit of the work; for if it be not brief,
+      lively, and humorous, it is ten to one but your reader falls asleep before
+      he enters upon chapter the first, and when he wakes, fears to renew his
+      application, lest he should be again caught napping. Long introductions
+      are like lengthy prayers before meals to hungry men, they are mumbled over
+      with unintelligible rapidity, or altogether omitted, for the more solid
+      gratifications of the stomach, or the enjoyments of the mind. In what
+      fantastic shape and countenance then shall an author appear to obtain
+      general approbation? or in what costume is he most likely to insure
+      success?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      If he assumes a fierce and haughty front, his readers are perhaps offended
+      with his temerity, and the critics enraged at his assurance. If he affects
+      a modest sneaking posture, and humbly implores their high mightinesses to
+      grant him one poor sprig of laurel, he is treated slightingly, and
+      despised, as a pitiful fellow who wants that essential ingredient in the
+      composition of a man of talent and good breeding, ycleped by the moderns
+      confidence. If he speaks of <span class="pagenum">[13]</span> the
+      excellence of his subject, he creates doubts both with his readers and
+      reviewers, who will use their endeavours to convince him he has not a
+      correct knowledge of his own abilities. But if, like a well bred man at
+      court, he enters the drawing-room of literature in good taste, neither too
+      mean nor too gaudy, too bold or too formal, makes his bow with the air and
+      finish of a scholar and a gentleman, and passes on to his place, unheedful
+      of remark (because unconscious of offence), he is sure to command respect,
+      if he does not excite admiration.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Accept then, reader, this colloquial chapter, as the author's apology for
+      a preface, an imaginary short conference, or letter of introduction, which
+      brings you acquainted with the eccentric writer of this volume; and as in
+      all well regulated society a person is expected to give some account of
+      himself before he is placed upon terms of intimacy with the family, you
+      shall in the next page receive a brief sketch of the characteristics of
+      the author.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0006" id="image-0006">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page013.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page013 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[13]</span> A FEW THOUGHTS ON MYSELF.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The early biography of a man of genius is seldom, if ever, accurately
+      given to the public eye, unless, indeed, he is one of those <i>rara avis</i>
+      who, with the advantages of great qualifications, inherits high ancestral
+      distinctions. But if, as is generally the case, from obscurity of birth
+      and humble life he rises into notice by the force and exertion of his
+      talents, the associates of his brighter fortunes know but little of the
+      difficulties which have obstructed his progress, or the toils and fatigues
+      he has endured, to arrive at that enviable point from which the temple of
+      Fame, and the road to fortune, may be contemplated with some chance of
+      enjoyment and success. Unwilling to speak of himself, lest he should incur
+      the charge of vanity or egotism, he modestly trusts to the partial pen of
+      friendship, or the conjectural pen of the commentator, to do justice to
+      events which no quill could relate so well as his own, and which, if
+      impartially and sensibly written, must advance him in the estimation of
+      society, and convince the world that with the mastery of the great secret
+      in his power, he was not more capable of appreciating the characters of
+      the age than familiar with the lights and shadows of his own.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+    "Honour and shame from no condition rise;
+    Act well your part, there all the honour lies."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      The reader will, no doubt, anticipate that the name of Bernard Blackmantle
+      is an assumed quaint cognomen, and perhaps be not less suspicious of the
+      author's right and title to the honorary distinction annexed: <span
+      class="pagenum">[14]</span> let him beware how he indulges in such
+      chimeras, before he has fully entered into the spirit of the volume before
+      him, lest, on perusal, conviction should compel him to retract the
+      ungracious thought. To be plain, he is not desirous of any higher honorary
+      distinction than the good opinion of his readers. And now, sons and
+      daughters of Fashion! ye cameleon race of giddy elves, who flutter on the
+      margin of the whirlpool, or float upon the surface of the silvery stream,
+      and, hurried forwards by the impetus of the current, leave yourselves but
+      little time for reflection, one glance will convince you that you are
+      addressed by an old acquaintance, and, heretofore, constant attendant upon
+      all the gay varieties of life; of this be assured, that, although retired
+      from the fascinating scene, where gay Delight her portal open throws to
+      Folly's throng, he is no surly misanthrope, or gloomy seceder, whose
+      jaundiced mind, or clouded imagination, is a prey to disappointment, envy,
+      or to care. In retracing the brighter moments of life, the festive scenes
+      of past times, the never to be forgotten pleasures of his halcyon days,
+      when youth, and health, and fortune, blest his lot, he has no tongue for
+      scandal&mdash;no pen for malice&mdash;no revenge to gratify, but is only
+      desirous of attempting a true portraiture of men and manners, in the
+      higher and more polished scenes of life. If, in the journey through these
+      hitherto unexplored regions of fancy, ought should cross his path that
+      might give pain to worthy bosoms, he would sooner turn aside than be
+      compelled to embody the uncandid thought.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     "Unknowing and unknown, the hardy Muse
+     "Boldly defies all mean and partial views;
+     "With honest freedom plays the critic's part,
+     "And praises, as she censures, from the heart."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      And now, having said nearly as much as I think prudent of myself, and
+      considerably more than my <span class="pagenum">[17]</span> bookseller
+      usually allows by way of prefatory matter, I shall conclude this chapter
+      by informing the reader of some facts, with which I ought to have
+      commenced it, namely&mdash;For my parents, it must suffice that my father
+      was a man of talent, my mother accomplished and esteemed, and, what is
+      more to their honour, they were affectionate and kind: peace to their
+      manes! I was very early in life bereft of both; educated at one of the
+      public schools, I was, in due time, sent to matriculate at Oxford, where,
+      reader, I propose to commence my Eccentric Tour.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0007" id="image-0007">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page016.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page016 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0008" id="image-0008">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page017.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page017 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0005" id="link2H_4_0005">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      A SHANDEAN SCENE,
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      BETWEEN LADY MARY OLDSTYLE AND HORATIO HEARTLY.
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      "I know him well," said Horatio, with a half-suppressed sigh, as he
+      finished the introductory chapter to the first volume of the English Spy,
+      or Colloquial Sketches of Men and Manners. "He is no misanthrope," said my
+      aunt, taking off her spectacles to wipe away the pearly drop which
+      meek-eyed pity gave to the recollection of scenes long passed. Horatio
+      paused&mdash;the book dropped instinctively upon his knee, as his raised
+      eye involuntarily caught the benign aspect of virtue and intelligence,
+      softened by the crystal gems of feeling. "I wish I knew where he lived,"
+      said my aunt. "I'll find him out," said Horatio;-"Do," said my aunt, "and
+      tell him an old friend of his father's, on whom fortune has deigned to
+      smile in the winter of her days, would feign extend to him as much of
+      worldly happiness as can be derived from the enjoyment of worldly
+      treasure." <span class="pagenum">[18]</span> By that sort of magical
+      attraction which imperceptibly links together the souls of kindred
+      spirits, Horatio's chair had made an angular movement, of at least six
+      degrees, in a direction nearer to his venerable relation: no lover ever
+      pressed with more fervency of affection the yielding hand of his soul's
+      deity, than did the grateful nephew, at this moment, clasp within his
+      eager grasp the aged palm of bounteous charity. "I wish he may accept your
+      kind offer," said Horatio. "And why should he not?" said my aunt, with a
+      half inclination of extricating her hand, and a penetrating glance of
+      doubt, directed full in the face of the speaker: "I know not," said
+      Horatio, (hesitating, as if fearful of giving offence), "but,"-"But what?"
+      said my aunt;-"But I fear his natural love of independence, and
+      eccentricity of mind, will admit of no constraint, which his high sense of
+      honor will anticipate must be partially the case whenever he submits
+      himself to accept the favors of even such generous hearts as yours." "He
+      would feel no such thing," said my aunt. "He could not resist the
+      impression," said Horatio; "your liberality would, I know, be calculated
+      to dispossess him of the painful sensation; but if the inherent pride of
+      the man could be subdued, or calmed into acquiescence, by breathing the
+      enchanting air of friendship, the weight of gratitude, the secret monitor
+      of fine-wrought minds, would overpower his tongue, and leave him, in his
+      own estimation, a pauper of the poorest class." "Then I'll adopt another
+      mode," said my aunt; "and though I hate the affectation of secret
+      charities, because I think the donor of a generous action is well entitled
+      to his reward, both here and hereafter,&mdash;I'll hand out some way,
+      anonymously or otherwise, to indulge my humour of serving him." "You are
+      an angel!" said Horatio, with his eyes fixed on the ground&mdash;(the
+      spirit of the angel of benevolence,&mdash;quoth Reason, whispering in his
+      ear, would have been <span class="pagenum">[19]</span> a better metaphor,&mdash;certainly
+      inhabits the aged bosom of your father's sister). Horatio's upraised eye
+      rested on the wrinkled front of his antique relative, just as the
+      corrective thought gleamed in visionary brightness o'er his brain; the
+      poetic inspiration of the moment fled like the passing meteor, but the
+      feeling which excited it remained engrafted on his memory for ever. "How
+      shall we find him out, my dear Horatio?" said my aunt, her whole
+      countenance animated with delight at the last flattering ejaculation of
+      her nephew-"where shall we seek him?&mdash;I'll order the carriage
+      directly." The glow of pleasure and anticipatory gratification, which at
+      this moment beamed in the countenance of the old lady, brought back the
+      circling current of health to the cheeks of age, and, with the blush of
+      honest feeling, dispelled the stains of time; the furrowed streaks of care
+      vanished from her front, and left her whole frame proportionably
+      invigorated.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      If the mere contemplation of a generous action can thus inspire the young,
+      and give new life to age, what a load of misery and deformity might not
+      the sons and daughters of nature divest themselves of, by following the
+      inherent dictates of benevolence! Reflection, whenever he deigned to
+      penetrate the pericranium of my cousin Horatio, took entire possession of
+      the citadel, and left him not even the smallest loophole for the
+      observation of any passing event. He was just fixed in one of these
+      abstracted reveries of the mind, traversing over the halcyon scenes of his
+      collegiate days, and re-associating himself with his early friend, the
+      author of the eccentric volume then in his hand, when the above monition
+      sprung from his heart, like the crystal stream that sparkles in the air,
+      when first it bursts through the mineral bondage of the womb of nature.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "You are right," said my aunt. Horatio started with surprise, almost
+      unconscious of her presence, or <span class="pagenum">[20]</span> what he
+      had said to deserve her approbation. "True happiness," she continued, "is
+      the offspring of generosity and virtue, and never inhabits a bosom where
+      worldly interest and selfish principles are allowed to predominate. There
+      are many who possess all the requisites for the enjoyment of true
+      happiness, who, from the prejudices of education, or the mistaken pride of
+      ancestry, have never experienced the celestial rapture: they have never
+      been amalgamated with society, are strangers to poverty themselves, and
+      cannot comprehend its operation upon others; born and moving in a sphere
+      where the chilling blasts of indigence never penetrate, or the clouds of
+      adversity appal, they have no conception of the more delightful
+      gratification which springs from the source of all earthly happiness, the
+      pleasure and ability of administering to the wants and comforts of our
+      fellow creatures."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Yours is the true philosophy of nature, aunt," said Horatio, "where
+      principle and practice may be seen, arm in arm, like the twin sisters,
+      Charity and Virtue,&mdash;a pair of antique curiosities much sought after,
+      but rarely found amid the assemblage of <i>virtu</i> in the collections of
+      your modern people of fashion."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "I'll alter my will to-morrow morning," thought my aunt; "this boy
+      deserves to be as rich in acres as he already is in benevolence: he shall
+      have the Leicestershire estate added to what I have already bequeathed
+      him, by way of codicil."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "You would be delighted with my friend Bernard, aunt," said Horatio, "that
+      is, when he is in good spirits; but you must not judge of him by the
+      common standard of estimation: if, on the first introduction, he should
+      happen to be in one of those lively humours when his whole countenance is
+      lighted up with the brilliancy of genius, you would be enraptured by the
+      sallies of his wit, and the solidity of his reasoning; but if, on the
+      contrary, he should unfortunately <span class="pagenum">[21]</span> be in
+      one of those abstracted moods when all terrestrial objects are equally
+      indifferent, you will, I fear, form no very favourable opinion of his
+      merit. He is an eccentric in every respect, and must not be judged of by
+      the acquaintance of an hour. We were boys together at Eton, and the
+      associations of youth ripened with maturity into the most sincere friendly
+      attachment, which was materially assisted by the similarity of our
+      dispositions and pursuits, during our residence at college. Your kind
+      notice of my poor friend, aunt, has revived the fondest recollections of
+      my life&mdash;the joyous scenes of infancy, when the young heart, free
+      from the trammels of the world, and buoyant as the bird of spring, wings
+      along the flowery path of pleasure, plucking at will the sweets of nature,
+      and decking his infant brow with wreaths of fresh gathered wild flowers."
+      Horatio paused, not for want of subject, but a train of recollections
+      overpowered his memory, producing an unspeakable sensation, which for a
+      moment choked his utterance.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "There is a blank in this work, which you shall fill up," said my aunt;
+      "you must perform the office of an impartial historian for your friend,
+      and before we proceed farther with this volume, give me the history of
+      your school-boy days."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0009" id="image-0009">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page021.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page021 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[22]</span> SCHOOL-BOY REMINISCENCES.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     ON EARLY FRIENDSHIP.
+
+     In many a strain of grief and joy
+     My youthful spirit sung to thee;
+     But I am now no more a boy,
+     And there's a gulf 'twixt thee and me.
+     Time on my brow has set his seal;
+     I start to find myself a man,
+     And know that I no more shall feel
+     As only boyhood's spirit can.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0006" id="link2H_4_0006">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      ETONIAN.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      There is an imperceptible but powerfully connecting link in our early
+      associations and school-boy friendships, which is very difficult to
+      describe, but exceedingly grateful to reflect on; particularly when the
+      retrospective affords a view of early attachments ripened into perfection
+      with maturity, and cementing firmly with increasing years. Youth is the
+      period of frankness and of zeal, when the young heart, buoyant with hope
+      and cheering prospects, fills with joy, and expands in all the brightness
+      of fancy's variety. The ambition, lures, and conflicting interests of the
+      world, have as yet made no inroad upon the mind; the bosom is a stranger
+      to misery, the tongue to deceit, the eye glows with all the luxuriance of
+      pleasure, and the whole countenance presents an animated picture of health
+      and intelligence illumined with delight. The playfulness or incaution of
+      youth may demand correction, or produce momentary pain; but the tears of
+      <span class="pagenum">[23]</span> infancy fall like the summer dew upon
+      the verdant slope, which the first gleam of the returning sun kisses away,
+      and leaves the face of nature tinged with a blush of exquisite brilliancy,
+      but with no trace of the sparkling moisture which lately veiled its
+      beauty. This is the glittering period of life, when the gay perspective of
+      the future seems clothed in every attractive hue, and the objects of this
+      world assume a grace divine: then it is that happiness, borne on the wings
+      of innocence and light-hearted mirth, attends our every step, and seems to
+      wait obedient to our will.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      What a painful reverse may not the retrospective view afford! how unlike
+      is the finished picture to the inspiring sketch. The one breathing the
+      soft air of nature, and sparkling in brilliant tints of variegated hues,
+      serene, clear, and transparent, like the magic pencilling of the heavenly
+      Claude, shedding ambrosial sweets around. The reverse indistinct, and
+      overpowered with gloomy shadows, a mixture of the terrific and the
+      marvellous, like the stormy and convulsive scenes of the mighty genius of
+      Salvator Rosa, with here and there a flash of wildest eccentricity, that
+      only serves to render more visible the murky deformity of the whole.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Horatio had just finished his introductory rhapsody, when the door opened,
+      and my aunt's servant entered with tea and toast: the simmering of the
+      water round the heated tube of the urn, tingling in the ears of Heartly,
+      broke the thread of his narration. There was a pause of nearly a minute,
+      while John was busy in arranging the equipage. "You should have waited
+      till I had rung, John," said my aunt. "Please your ladyship," said John,
+      "you directed me always to bring tea in at six precisely, without waiting
+      for orders." My aunt looked puzzled: "You are right, John, I did; and
+      (addressing Horatio) the fault of the interruption must therefore rest
+      with me." Horatio bowed; the compliment was too flattering to be <span
+      class="pagenum">[24]</span> misunderstood. "Draw the curtains, John," said
+      my aunt, "and make up the fire: we can help ourselves to what we want&mdash;you
+      need not wait; and do not interrupt us again until you are rung for."
+      "This is very mysterious," thought John, as he closed to the drawing-room
+      door; and he related what he thought to my lady's maid, when he returned
+      to the servants' hall. "You are, no conjurer, John," said Mrs. Margaret,
+      with an oblique inclination of the head, half amorous and half conceited&mdash;"the
+      old lady's will has been signed and sealed these three years; I was
+      present when it was made&mdash;ay, and I signed it too, and what's more, I
+      knows all its contents; there are some people in the world (viewing
+      herself in an opposite looking-glass) who may be very differently
+      circumstanced some day or other." John's heart had long felt a sort of
+      fluttering inclination to unburthen itself, by linking destinies with the
+      merry Mrs. Margaret; the prospect of a handsome legacy, or perhaps an
+      annuity, gave an additional spur to John's affectionate feelings, and that
+      night he resolved to put the question. All this Mrs. Margaret had
+      anticipated, and as she was now on the verge of forty, she very prudently
+      thought there was no time to lose. "They are a pair of oddities,"
+      continued the waiting-maid; "I have sometimes surprised them both crying,
+      as if their hearts would break, over a new book: I suppose they have got
+      something very interesting, as my lady calls it and Mr. Horatio is
+      sermonizing as usual."&mdash;Mrs Margaret was not far wrong in her
+      conjecture, for when my aunt and Horatio were again alone, she rallied him
+      on the serious complexion of his style.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0010" id="image-0010">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page025.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page025-th.jpg" alt="Page025" width="100%" /><br />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[25]</span> CHARACTER OF BERNARD BLACKMANTLE. BY
+      HORATIO HEARTLY.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      You shall have it from his own pen, said Horatio. In my portfolio, I have
+      preserved certain scraps of Bernard's that will best speak his character;
+      prose and poetry, descriptive and colloquial, Hudibrastic and pastoral,
+      trifles in every costume of literary fancy, according with the peculiar
+      humour of the author at the time of their inditing, from these you shall
+      judge my eccentric friend better than by any commendation of mine. I shall
+      merely preface these early offerings of his genius with a simple narrative
+      of our school-boy intimacy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      I had been about three months at Eton, and had grown somewhat familiar
+      with the characters of my associates, and the peculiarities of their
+      phraseology and pursuits, when our dame's party was increased by the
+      arrival of Bernard Blackmantle. It is usual with the sons of old Etona, on
+      the arrival of a fresh subject, to play off a number of school-boy
+      witticisms and practical jokes, which though they may produce a little
+      mortification in the first instance, tend in no small degree to display
+      the qualifications of mind possessed by their new associate, and give him
+      a familiarity with his companions and their customs, which otherwise would
+      take more time, and subject the stranger to much greater inconvenience.
+      Bernard underwent all the initiatory school ceremonies and <span
+      class="pagenum">[26]</span> humiliations with great coolness, but not
+      without some display of that personal courage and true nobleness of mind,
+      which advances the new comer in the estimation of his school-fellows.
+      First impressions are almost always indelible: there was a frankness and
+      sincerity in his manner, and an archness and vivacity in his countenance
+      and conversation, that imperceptibly attached me to the young stranger. We
+      were soon the most inseparable cons,{1} the depositors of each other's
+      youthful secrets, and the mutual participators in every passing sport and
+      pleasure.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Naturally cheerful, Bernard became highly popular with our miniature
+      world; there was however one subject which, whenever it was incautiously
+      started by his companions, always excited a flood of tears, and for a time
+      spread a gloomy abstraction over his mind. Bernard had from his very
+      infancy been launched into the ocean of life without a knowledge of his
+      admiral{2} but not without experiencing all that a mother's fondness could
+      supply: when others recapitulated the enjoyments of their paternal home,
+      and painted with all the glow of youthful ardour the anticipated pleasures
+      of the holidays, the tear would trickle down his crimsoned cheek; and
+      quickly stealing away to some sequestered spot, his throbbing bosom was
+      relieved by many a flood of woe. That some protecting spirit watched over
+      his actions, and directed his course, he was well assured, but as yet he
+      had never been able to comprehend the mystery with which he was
+      surrounded. His questions on this point to his mother it was evident gave
+      her pain, and were always met by some evasive answer. He had been early
+      taught to keep his own secret, but the prying curiosity of an Eton
+      school-boy was not easily satisfied, and too often rendered the task one
+      of great pain and difficulty. On these occasions I would seek
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 Friends.
+
+     2 The Eton phrase for father.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[27]</span> him out, and as the subject was one of
+      too tender a nature for the tongue of friendship to dwell upon, endeavour
+      to divert his thoughts by engaging him in some enlivening sport. His
+      amiable manners and generous heart had endeared him to all, and in a short
+      time his delicate feelings were respected, and the slightest allusion to
+      ambiguity of birth cautiously avoided by all his associates, who, whatever
+      might be their suspicions, thought his brilliant qualifications more than
+      compensated for any want of ancestral distinction.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The following portrait of my friend is from the pen of our elegant con,
+      Horace Eglantine.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     A PORTRAIT.
+
+     A heart fill'd with friendship and love,
+     A brain free from passion's excess,
+     A mind a mean action above,
+     A hand to relieve keen distress.
+     Poverty smiled on his birth,
+     And gave what all riches exceeds,
+     Wit, honesty, wisdom, and worth;
+     A soul to effect noble needs.
+     Legitimates bow at his shrine;
+     Unfetter'd he sprung into life;
+     When vigour with love doth combine
+     To free nature from priestcraft and strife.
+     No ancient escutcheon he claim'd,
+     Crimson'd with rapine and blood;
+     He titles and baubles disdain'd,
+     Yet his pedigree traced from the flood.
+     Ennobled by all that is bright
+     In the wreath of terrestrial fame,
+     Genius her pure ray of light
+     Spreads a halo to circle his name.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      The main-spring of all his actions was a social disposition, which
+      embraced a most comprehensive view <span class="pagenum">[28]</span> of
+      the duties of good fellowship. He was equally popular with all parties, by
+      never declaring for any particular one: with the cricketers he was
+      accounted a hard swipe{3} an active field{4} and a stout bowler;{5} in a
+      water party he was a stroke{6} of the ten oar; at foot-ball, in the
+      playing fields, or a leap across Chalvey ditch, he was not thought small
+      beer{7} of; and he has been known to have bagged three sparrows after a
+      toodle{8} of three miles. His equals loved him for his social qualities,
+      and courted his acquaintance as the <i>sine qua non</i> of society; and
+      the younger members of the school looked up to him for protection and
+      assistance. If power was abused by the upper boys, Bernard was appealed to
+      as the mediator between the fag{9} and his master. His grants of
+      liberties{10} to the commonalty were indiscriminate and profuse, while his
+      influence was always exerted to obtain the same privileges for his
+      numerous proteges from the more close aristocrats.{11} He was always to be
+      seen attended by a shoal of dependents of every form in the school, some
+      to get their lessons construed, and others to further claims to their
+      respective stations in
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     3 A good bat-man.
+
+     4 To run well, or keep a good look out.
+
+     5 Strong and expert.
+
+     6 A first rate waterman.
+
+     7  Not thought meanly of. Sometimes this phrase is used in
+     derision, as, he does not think small beer of himself.
+
+     8  A walk.
+
+     9 Any sixth or fifth form boy can fag an Oppidan underling:
+     the collegers are exempted from this custom.
+
+     10 The liberties, or college bounds, are marked by stones
+     placed in different situations; grants of liberties are
+     licences given by the head boys to the juniors to break
+     bounds, or rather to except them from the disagreeable
+     necessity of shirking, (i. e.) hiding from fear of being
+     reported to the masters.
+
+     11 To that interesting original miscellany, the 'Etonian,' I
+     am indebted for several valuable hints relative to early
+     scenes. The characters are all drawn from observation, with
+     here and there a slight deviation, or heightening touch, the
+     rather to disguise and free them from aught of personal
+     offence, than any intentional departure from truth and
+     nature.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[29]</span> the next cricket match or water
+      expedition. The duck and green pea suppers at Surley Hall would have lost
+      half their relish without the enlivening smiles and smart repartees of
+      Bernard Blackmantle. The preparations for the glorious fourth of June were
+      always submitted to his superior skill and direction. His fiat could
+      decide the claims of the rival boats, in their choice of jackets, hats,
+      and favors; and the judicious arrangement of the fire-works was another
+      proof of his taste. Let it not, however, be thought that his other
+      avocations so entirely monopolized him as to preclude a due attention to
+      study. Had it been so, his success with the [Greek phrase] would never
+      have been so complete: his desire to be able to confer obligations on his
+      schoolfellows induced Bernard to husband carefully every hour which he
+      spent at home; a decent scholarship, and much general knowledge, was the
+      reward of this plan. The treasure-house of his memory was well stored, and
+      his reputation as an orator gave promise of future excellence. His
+      classical attainments, if not florid, were liberal, and free from
+      pedantry. His proficiency in English literature was universally
+      acknowledged, and his love of the poets amounted to enthusiasm. He was
+      formed for all the bustle of variegated life, and his conversation was
+      crystallized with the sparkling attractions of wit and humour. Subject to
+      the weakness to which genius is ever liable, he was both eccentric and
+      wayward, but he had the good sense to guard his failing from general
+      observation; and although he often shot his arrows anonymously, he never
+      dipt them in the gall of prejudice or ill-nature. I have dwelt upon his
+      character with pleasure, because there are very few who know him
+      intimately. With a happy versatility of talents, he is neither lonesome in
+      his solitude, nor over joyous in a crowd. For his literary attainments,
+      they must be judged of by their fruits. I cannot better conclude my
+      attempt <span class="pagenum">[30]</span> to describe his qualifications
+      than by offering his first essay to your notice, a school-boy tribute to
+      friendship.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     TRUE FRIENDSHIP.
+
+     'Infido scurræ distabit amicus.'
+     Horace.
+
+     How very seldom do we find
+     A relish in the human mind
+     For friendship pure and real;
+     How few its approbation seek,
+     How oft we count its censures weak,
+     Disguising what we feel.
+     Adulation lives to please,
+     Truth dies the victim of disease,
+     Forgotten by the world:
+     The flattery of the fool delights
+     The wise, rebuke our pride affrights,
+     And virtue's banner's furl'd.
+     Wherefore do we censure fate,
+     When she withholds the perfect state
+     Of friendship from our grasp,
+     If we ourselves have not the power,
+     The mind to enjoy the blessed hour,
+     The fleeting treasure clasp?
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      This (I have reason to believe his first poetical essay) was presented me
+      on my birthday, when we had been about two years together at Eton: a short
+      time afterwards I surprised him one morning writing in his bedroom; my
+      curiosity was not a little excited by the celerity with which I observed
+      he endeavoured to conceal his papers. "I must see what you are about,
+      Bernard," said I. "Treason, Horatio," replied the young author. "Would you
+      wish to be implicated, or become a confederate? If so, take the oath of
+      secrecy, and read." Judge of my surprise, when, on casting my eye over his
+      lucubrations, I perceived he had been sketching the portraits of the
+      group, with <span class="pagenum">[31]</span> whom we were in daily
+      association at our dame's. As I perceive by a glance at his work that most
+      of his early friends have parts assigned them in his colloquial scenes, I
+      consider the preservation of this trifle important, as it will furnish a
+      key to the characters.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img alt="page031 (23K)" src="images/page031.jpg" width="100%" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br /> <a name="image-0011" id="image-0011">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page032.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page032 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[32]</span> ETON SKETCHES OF CHARACTER.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     '&mdash;&mdash;I'll paint for grown up people's knowledge,
+     The manners, customs, and affairs of college.'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0007" id="link2H_4_0007">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      PORTRAITS IN MY DAME'S DINING-ROOM.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      At the head of the large table on the right hand you will perceive the
+      Honourable Lilyman Lionise, the second son of a nobleman, whose ancient
+      patrimony has been nearly dissipated between his evening parties at the
+      club-houses, in French hazard, or Rouge et noir, and his morning
+      speculations with his betting book at Tattersall's, Newmarket, or the
+      Fives-court; whose industry in getting into debt is only exceeded by his
+      indifference about getting out; whose acquired property (during his
+      minority) and personals have long since been knocked down by the hammer of
+      the auctioneer, under direction of the sheriff, to pay off some gambling
+      bond in preference to his honest creditor; yet who still flourishes a
+      fashionable gem of the first water, and condescends to lend the lustre of
+      <span class="pagenum">[33]</span> his name, when he has nothing else to
+      lend, that he may secure the advantage of a real loan in return. His
+      patrimonial acres and heirlooms remain indeed untouched, because the court
+      of chancery have deemed it necessary to appoint a receiver to secure their
+      faithful transmission to the next heir.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The son has imbibed a smattering of all the bad qualities of his sire,
+      without possessing one ray of the brilliant qualifications for which he is
+      distinguished. Proud without property, and sarcastic without being witty,
+      ill temper he mistakes for superior carriage, and haughtiness for dignity:
+      his study is his toilet, and his mind, like his face, is a vacuity neither
+      sensible, intelligent, nor agreeable. He has few associates, for few will
+      accept him for a companion. With his superiors in rank, his precedent
+      honorary distinction yields him no consideration; with his equals, it
+      places him upon too familiar a footing; while with his inferiors, it
+      renders him tyrannical and unbearable. His mornings, between school hours,
+      are spent in frequent change of dress, and his afternoons in a lounge à la
+      Bond-street, annoying the modest females and tradesmen's daughters of
+      Eton; his evenings (after absence{1} is called) at home, in solitary
+      dissipation over his box of liqueurs, or in making others uncomfortable by
+      his rudeness and overbearing dictation. He is disliked by the dame,
+      detested by the servants, and shunned by his schoolfellows, and yet he is
+      our captain, a <i>Sextile, a Roue</i>, and above all, an honourable.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Tom Echo. A little to the left of the Exquisite, you may perceive Tom's
+      merry countenance shedding good-humour around him. He is the only one who
+      can
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 <i>Absence</i> is called several times in the course of the
+     day, to prevent the boys straying away to any great distance
+     from the college, and at night to secure them in quarters at
+     the dames' houses: if a boy neglects to answer to his name,
+     or is too late for the call, inquiry is immediately made at
+     his dame's, and a very satisfactory apology must be offered
+     to prevent punishment.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      manage the <i>Sextile</i> with effect: Tom is always ready with a tart
+      reply to his sarcasm, or a <i>cut</i> at his consequence. Tom is the
+      eldest son of one of the most respectable whig families in the kingdom,
+      whose ancestors have frequently refused a peerage, from an inherent
+      democratical but constitutional jealousy of the crown. Independence and
+      Tom were nursery friends, and his generous, noble-hearted conduct renders
+      him an universal favorite with the school. Then, after holidays, Tom
+      always returns with such a rich collection of fox-hunting stories and
+      sporting anecdotes, and gives sock{2} so graciously, that he is the very
+      life of dame &mdash;&mdash;&mdash;'s party. There is to be sure one
+      drawback to Tom's good qualities, but it is the natural attendant upon a
+      high flow of animal spirits: if any mischief is on foot, Tom is certain to
+      be concerned, and ten to one but he is the chief contriver: to be seen in
+      his company, either a short time previous to, or quickly afterwards,
+      although perfectly innocent, is sure to create a suspicion of guilt with
+      the masters, which not unusually involves his companions in trouble, and
+      sometimes in unmerited punishment. Tom's philosophy is to live well, study
+      little, drink hard, and laugh immoderately. He is not deficient in sense,
+      but he wants application and excitement: he has been taught from infancy
+      to feel himself perfectly independent of the world, and at home every
+      where: nature has implanted in his bosom the characteristic benevolence of
+      his ancestry, and he stands among us a being whom every one loves and
+      admires, without any very distinguishing trait of learning, wit, or
+      superior qualification, to command the respect he excites. If any one
+      tells a good story or makes a laughable pun, Tom retails it for a week,
+      and all the school have the advantage of hearing and enjoying it. Any
+      proposition for a boat party, cricketing, or a toodle into Windsor, or
+      along the banks of the Thames
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     2 Good cheer; any nicety, as pastry, &amp;c.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[35]</span> on a sporting excursion, is sure to meet
+      a willing response from him. He is second to none in a charitable
+      subscription for a poor <i>Cad</i>, or the widow of a drowned <i>Bargee</i>;
+      his heart ever reverberates the echo of pleasure, and his tongue only
+      falters to the echo of deceit.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Horace Eglantine is placed just opposite to Lily man Lionise, a
+      calm-looking head, with blue eyes and brown hair, which flows in ringlets
+      of curls over his shoulders. Horace is the son of a city banker, by the
+      second daughter of an English earl, a young gentleman of considerable
+      expectations, and very amusing qualifications. Horace is a strange
+      composition of all the good-natured whimsicalities of human nature,
+      happily blended together without any very conspicuous counteracting
+      foible. Facetious, lively, and poetical, the cream of every thing that is
+      agreeable, society cannot be dull if Horace lends his presence. His
+      imitations of Anacreon, and the soft bard of Erin, have on many occasions
+      puzzled the cognoscenti of Eton. Like Moore too, he both composes and
+      performs his own songs. The following little specimen of his powers will
+      record one of those pleasant impositions with which he sometimes enlivens
+      a winter's evening:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     TO ELIZA.
+
+     Oh think not the smile and the glow of delight,
+     With youth's rosy hue, shall for ever be seen:
+
+     Frosty age will o'ercloud, with his mantle of night,
+     The brightest and fairest of nature's gay scene.
+
+     Or think while you trip, like some aerial sprite,
+     To pleasure's soft notes on the dew-spangled mead,
+
+     That the rose of thy cheek, or thine eyes' starry light,
+     Shall sink into earth, and thy spirit be freed.
+
+     Then round the gay circle we'll frolic awhile,
+     And the light of young love shall the fleet hour bless
+
+     While the pure rays of friendship our eve-tide beguile,
+     Above fortune's frowns and the chills of distress
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[36]</span> The most provoking punster and poet that
+      ever turned the serious and sentimental into broad humour. Every quaint
+      remark affords a pun or an epigram, and every serious sentence gives birth
+      to some merry couplet. Such is the facility with which he strings together
+      puns and rhyme, that in the course of half an hour he has been known to
+      wager, and win it&mdash;that he made a couplet and a pun on every one
+      present, to the number of fifty. Nothing annoys the exquisite <i>Sextile</i>
+      so much as this tormenting talent of Horace; he is always shirking him,
+      and yet continually falling in his way. For some time, while Horace was in
+      the fourth form, these little <i>jeu-d'esprits</i> were circulated
+      privately, and smuggled up in half suppressed laughs; but being now high
+      on the fifth, Horace is no longer in fear of <i>fagging</i>, and therefore
+      gives free license to his tongue in many a witty jest, which "sets the
+      table in a roar."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Dick Gradus. In a snug corner, at a side table, observe that
+      shrewd-looking little fellow poring over his book; his features seem
+      represented by acute angles, and his head, which appears too heavy for his
+      body, represents all the thoughtfulness of age, like an ancient fragment
+      of Phidias or Praxiteles placed upon new shoulders by some modern bust
+      carver. Dick is the son of an eminent solicitor in a borough town, who has
+      raised himself into wealth and consequence by a strict attention to the
+      principles of interest: sharp practice, heavy mortgages, loans on annuity,
+      and post obits, have strengthened his list of possessions till his
+      influence is extended over half the county. The proprietor of the borough,
+      a good humoured sporting extravagant, has been compelled to yield his
+      influence in St. Stephen's to old Gradus, that he may preserve his
+      character at Newmarket, and continue his pack and fox-hunting festivities
+      at home. The representation of the place is now disposed of to the best
+      bidder, but the ambition of the father has long since determined upon
+      sending his son (when of age) <span class="pagenum">[37]</span> into
+      parliament&mdash;a promising candidate for the "loaves and fishes."
+      Richard Gradus, M.P.&mdash;you may almost perceive the senatorial honor
+      stamped upon the brow of the young aspirant; he has been early initiated
+      into the value of time and money; his lessons of thrift have been
+      practically illustrated by watching the operations of the law in his
+      father's office; his application to learning is not the result of an
+      innate love of literature, or the ambition of excelling his compeers, but
+      a cold, stiff, and formal desire to collect together materials for the
+      storehouse of his memory, that will enable him to pursue his interested
+      views and future operations on society with every prospect of success.
+      Genius has no participation in his studies: his knowledge of Greek and
+      Latin is grammatical and pedantic; he reads Livy, Tacitus, Sallust, Cæsar,
+      Xenophon, Thucydides, in their original language; boasts of his learning
+      with a haughty mien and scornful look of self-importance, and thinks this
+      school-boy exercise of memory, this mechanism of the mind, is to determine
+      the line between genius and stupidity; and has never taken into
+      consideration that the mere linguist, destitute of native powers, with his
+      absurd parade of scholastic knowledge, is a solitary barren plant, when
+      opposed to the higher occupations of the mind, to the flights of fancy,
+      the daring combinations of genius, and the sublime pictures of
+      imagination. Dick is an isolated being, a book-worm, who never embarks in
+      any party of pleasure, from the fear of expense; he has no talents for
+      general conversation, while his ridiculous affectation of learning
+      subjects him to a constant and annoying fire from the batteries of Etonian
+      wit. Still, however, Dick perseveres in his course, till his blanched
+      cheeks and cadaverous aspect, from close study and want of proper
+      exercise, proclaim the loss of health, and the probable establishment of
+      some pulmonary affection that may, before he scarcely reaches maturity,
+      blight the ambitious hopes of his father, and consign <span class="pagenum">[38]</span>
+      the son "to that bourne from whence no traveller returns."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Horatio Heartly. At the lower end of the room, observe a serene-looking
+      head displaying all the quiet character of a youthful portrait by the
+      divine Raphael, joined to the inspiring sensibility which flashes from the
+      almost breathing countenance and penetrating brilliancy of eye, that
+      distinguishes a Guido. That is my bosom friend, my more than brother, my
+      mentor and my guide. Horatio is an orphan, the son of a general officer,
+      whose crimsoned stream of life was dried up by an eastern sun, while he
+      was yet a lisping infant. His mother, lovely, young, and rich in conjugal
+      attachment, fell a blighted corse in early widowhood, and left Horatio, an
+      unprotected bud of virtuous love, to the fostering care of Lady Mary
+      Oldstyle, a widowed sister of the general's, not less rich in worldly
+      wealth than in true benevolence of heart, and the celestial glow of pure
+      affection. Heartly is a happy combination of all the good-humoured
+      particles of human nature blended together, with sense, feeling, and
+      judgment. Learned without affectation, and liberal without being profuse,
+      he has found out the secret of attaching all the school to himself,
+      without exciting any sensation of envy, or supplanting prior friendships.
+      Horatio is among the alumni of Eton the king of good fellows: there is not
+      a boy in the school, colleger, or oppidan, but what would fight a long
+      hour to defend him from insult; no&mdash;nor a sparkling eye among the
+      enchanting daughters of old <i>Etona</i> that does not twinkle with
+      pleasure at the elegant congée, and amiable attentions, which he always
+      pays at the shrine of female accomplishment. Generous to a fault, his
+      purse&mdash;which the bounty of his aunt keeps well supplied&mdash;is a
+      public bank, <i>pro bono publico</i>. His parties to <i>sock</i> are
+      always distinguished by an excellent selection, good taste, and superior
+      style. In all the varied school sports and pastimes, his manly form and
+      vigorous constitution gain him a superior <span class="pagenum">[39]</span>
+      station among his compeers, which his cheerful disposition enables him to
+      turn to general advantage. Nor is he in less estimation with the masters,
+      who are loud in their praises of his assiduity and proficiency in school
+      pursuits. Horatio is not exactly a genius: there is nothing of that wild
+      eccentricity of thought and action which betokens the vivid flights of
+      imagination, or the meteoric brightness of inspiration; his actions are
+      distinguished by coolness, intrepidity, and good sense. He does not
+      pretend to second sight, or a knowledge of futurity; but on the present
+      and the past there are few who can reason with more cogency of remark, or
+      with more classic elegance of diction: with such a concentration of
+      qualities, it is not wonderful that his influence extends through every
+      gradation of the juvenile band. His particular attachments are not
+      numerous; but those who have experienced the sincerity of his private
+      friendship must always remain his debtor&mdash;from deficiency of
+      expression; among the most obliged of whom is&mdash;the author.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Bob Transit. Bob has no fixed situation; therefore it would be in vain to
+      attempt to say where he may be found: sometimes he is placed next to
+      Bernard, and between him and Heartly, with whom he generally associates;
+      at other times he takes his situation at the side table, or fills up a
+      spare corner opposite to Dick Gradus, or the exquisite, either of whom he
+      annoys, during dinner, by sketching their portraits in caricature upon the
+      cover of his Latin Grammar, with their mouths crammed full of victuals, or
+      in the act of swallowing hot pudding: nor does the dame sometimes escape
+      him; the whole table have frequently been convulsed with laughter at Bob's
+      comic representation of Miss &mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;'s devout phiz,
+      as exhibited during the preparatory ceremony of a dinner grace: the soul
+      of whim, and source of fun and frolic, Bob is no mean auxiliary to a merry
+      party, or the exhilarating pleasure of a broad grin. <span class="pagenum">[40]</span>
+      Bob's <i>admiral</i> is an R.A. of very high repute; who, having
+      surmounted all the difficulties of obscure origin and limited education,
+      by the brilliancy of his talents, has determined to give his son the
+      advantage of early instruction and liberal information, as a prelude to
+      his advancement in the arts. Talent is not often hereditary (or at least
+      in succession); but the facility of Transit's pencil is astonishing: with
+      the rapidity of a Fuseli he sketches the human figure in all its various
+      attitudes, and produces in his hasty drawings so much force of effect and
+      truth of character, that the subject can never be mistaken. His humour is
+      irresistible, and is strongly characterized by all the eccentricity and
+      wit of a Gilhay, turning the most trifling incidents into laughable
+      burlesque. Between him and Horace Eglantine there exists a sort of
+      copartnership in the sister arts of poetry and painting: Horace rhymes,
+      and Bob illustrates; and very few in the school of any note have at one
+      time or other escaped this combination of epigram and caricature. Bob has
+      an eye to real life, and is formed for all the bustle of the varied scene.
+      Facetious, witty, and quaint, with all the singularity of genius in his
+      composition, these juvenile <i>jeux d'esprits</i> of his pencil may be
+      regarded as the rays of promise, which streak with golden tints the
+      blushing horizon of the morn of youth.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      As Bob is not over studious, or attached to the Latin and Greek languages,
+      he generally manages to get any difficult lesson construed by an agreement
+      with some more learned and assiduous associate; the <i>quid pro quo</i> on
+      these occasions being always punctually paid on his part by a humorous
+      sketch of the head master calling first absence, taken from a snug,
+      oblique view in the school-yard, or a burlesque on some of the fellows or
+      inhabitants of Eton. In this way Bob contrives to pass school muster,
+      although these specimens of talent have, on more than one occasion,
+      brought him to the block. It must however <span class="pagenum">[41]</span>
+      be admitted, that in all these flights of fancy his pencil is never
+      disgraced by any malignancy of motive, or the slightest exhibition of
+      personal spleen. Good humour is his motto; pleasure his pursuit: and if he
+      should not prove a Porson or an Elmsley, he gives every promise of being
+      equally eminent with a Bunbury, Gillray, or a Rowlandson.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Varied groups are disposed around the room, and make up the back ground of
+      my picture. Many of these are yet too young to particularize, and others
+      have nothing sufficiently characteristic to deserve it; some who have not
+      yet committed their first fault, and many who are continually in error;
+      others who pursue the straight beaten track to scholastic knowledge, and
+      trudge on like learned dromedaries. Two or three there are who follow in
+      no sphere-eccentric stars, shooting from space to space; some few
+      mischievous wags, who delight in a good joke, and will run the risk of
+      punishment at any time to enjoy it; with here and there a little twinkling
+      gem, like twilight planets, just emerging from the misty veil of nature.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      These form my dame's dinner party. Reader, do not judge them harshly from
+      this hasty sketch: take into your consideration their youth and
+      inexperience; and if they do not improve upon acquaintance, and increase
+      in estimation with their years, the fault must in justice rather be
+      attributed to the author than to any deficiency in their respective
+      merits.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0012" id="image-0012">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page041.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page 041 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[42]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      THE FIVE PRINCIPAL ORDERS OF ETON, DOCTOR, DAME, COLLEGER, OPPIDAN, AND
+      CAD. A SKETCH TAKEN OPPOSITE THE LONG WALK.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0013" id="image-0013">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page042.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page042 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0014" id="image-0014">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page043.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page043 " />
+    </div>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          ETON DAMES*; AN ODE, NEITHER AMATORY,
+          ILL-NATURED, NOR PATHETIC.
+
+          Let Oxford beaux, to am'rous belles,
+          Love's warm epistles write;
+          Or Cambridge youths, in classic dells,
+          Invoke the shadowy night.
+
+     * The above <i>jeu-d'esprit</i> made its appearance on one of
+     those joyous occasions, when the sons of old Etona return
+     from Oxford and Cambridge, filled with filial regard for
+     early scenes and school-boy friendships, to commemorate a
+     college election. It was, at the time, purposely attributed
+     to some of these waggish visitors, a sort of privileged
+     race, who never fail of indulging in numerous good-humoured
+     freaks with the inhabitants of Eton, to show off to the
+     rising generation the pleasantries, whims, and improvements
+     of a college life. The subject is one of great delicacy, but
+     it will, I hope, be admitted by the merry dames themselves,
+     that my friend Bernard has in this, as in every other
+     instance, endeavoured to preserve the strongest traits of
+     truth and character, without indulging in offensive satire,
+     or departing from propriety and decorum.&mdash;Horatio Heartly.
+<span class="pagenum">[44]</span>
+
+          Let Cockney poets boast their flames,
+          Of ' Vicked Cupit' patter:
+          Be mine a verse on Eton Dames&mdash;
+          A more substantial matter.
+          I care not if the Graces three
+          Have here withheld perfection:
+          Brown, black, or fair, the same to me,&mdash;
+          E'en age is no objection.
+          A pleasing squint, or but one eye,
+          Will do as well as any;
+          A mouth between a laugh and cry,
+          Or wrinkled, as my granny.
+          A hobbling gait, or a wooden leg,
+          Or locks of silvery gray;
+          Or name her Madge, or Poll, or Peg,
+          She still shall have my lay.
+          Perfection centres in the mind,
+          The gen'rous must acknowledge:
+          Then, Muse, be candid, just, and kind,
+          To Dames of Eton College.*
+
+     * The independent students, commonly called <i>Oppidans</i>, are
+     very numerous: they are boarded at private houses in the
+     environs of the college; the presiding masters and
+     mistresses of which have from time immemorial enjoyed the
+     title of <i>Domine</i> and <i>Dame</i>: the average number of
+     <i>Oppidans</i> is from three hundred to three hundred and fifty.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0008" id="link2H_4_0008">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      FIVE PRINCIPAL ORDERS OF ETON
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      <span class="pagenum">[45]</span>
+    </h3>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     PROEM.
+
+     Said Truth to the Muse, as they wander'd along,
+     "Prithee, Muse, spur your Pegasus into a song;
+     Let the subject be lively,&mdash;how like you the Belles?"
+     Said the Muse, "he's no sportsman that kisses and tells.
+
+     But in females delighting, suppose we stop here,
+     And do you bid the Dames of old Eton appear;
+     In your mirror their merits, with candour, survey,
+     And I'll sing their worth in my very best Lay."
+     No sooner 'twas said, than agreed:&mdash;it was done,
+     Wing'd Mercury summon'd them every one.
+
+     MISS A***LO.
+
+     First, deck'd in the height of the fashion, a belle,
+     An angel, ere Chronos had tipt her with snow,
+     Advanced to the goddess, and said, "you may tell,
+     That in Eton, there's no better table, you know;"
+     And by Truth 'twas admitted, "her generous board
+     Is rich, in whatever the seasons afford."
+
+</pre>
+    <hr />
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Of ancients, a pair next presented themselves,
+     When in popp'd some waggish Oxonian elves,
+     Who spoke of times past, of short commons, and cheese,
+     And told tales, which did much the old ladies displease.
+     "Good morning,"  said Truth, as the dames pass'd him by:
+     Young stomachs, if stinted, are sure to outcry.
+
+     MRS. R******U.
+
+     On her <i>Domine</i> leaning came dame B******u,
+     The oldest in college, deck'd in rich furbelow.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[46]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     She curtsied around to the <i>Oppidan</i> band,
+     But not one said a word, and but few gave a hand.
+     Truth whisper'd the Muse,, who, as sly, shook her head,
+     Saying,  "where little's told,  'tis soon mended, it's
+     said."
+
+     MRS. G******E.
+
+     When S******e appear'd, what a shout rent the air!
+     The spruce widow affords the most excellent cheer;
+     For comfort in quarters there's nothing can beat her,
+     So up rose the lads with a welcome to greet her:
+     The muse with true gallantry led her to place,
+     And Truth said good humour was writ in her face.
+
+     MRS. D****N.
+     With a face (once divine), and a figure still smart,
+     And a grace that defies even Time's fatal dart,
+     Dame D****n advanced, made her curtsy, and smiled:
+     Truth welcomed the fair, the grave, witty, and wild;
+     All, all gave their votes, and some said they knew
+     That her numbers by no measure equall'd her due.
+
+     MISS S******S.
+
+     "By my hopes," said the Muse, "here's a rare jolly pair,
+     A right merry frontispiece, comely and fair,
+     To good living and quarters."   "You're right," nodded Truth.
+     A welcome approval was mark'd in each youth.
+     And 'twas no little praise among numbers like theirs,
+     To meet a unanimous welcome up stairs.
+
+     Miss L******d.
+     Lavater, though sometimes in error, you'll find
+     May be here quoted safely; the face tells the mind.
+     Good humour and happiness live in her eye.
+     Her motto's contentment you'll easily spy.
+     five principal orders of eton
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[47]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     A chair for Miss L******d Truth placed near the Muse;
+     For beauty to rhyme can fresh spirit infuse.
+
+     MRS. V******Y.
+
+     V******y, in weeds led and angel along,
+     Accomplish'd and pretty, who blush'd at the throng.
+     The old dame seem'd to say, and i'faith she might well,
+     "Sons of Eton, when saw you a handsomer belle?"
+     If any intended the widow to sneer,
+     Miss A&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;won their favor, and banish'd the jeer.
+
+     Three sisters, famed for various parts,
+     One clerks, and one makes savoury tarts;
+     While t'other, bless her dinner face,
+     Cuts up the viands with a grace,
+     Advanced, and met a cheerful greeting
+     From all who glorify good eating.
+
+     MRS. W. H****R.
+
+     With a smile, <i>à la confident</i>, came Mrs. H,
+     Whose Domine writing to Eton's sons teach:
+     In college, the handiest man you can find
+     For improvements of all sorts, both building and mind:
+     He seem'd on good terms with himself, but the Muse
+     Said, "the Dame claim'd a welcome which none could refuse."
+
+     DAME A****S.
+
+     Dame A****s, respected by all, made her way
+     Through the throng that assembled at Eton that day.
+     Old Chronos had wrinkled her forehead, 'tis true;
+     Yet her countenance beam'd in a rich, mellow hue
+     Of good humour and worth; 'twas a pleasure to mark
+     How the dame was applauded by each Eton spark.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[48]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     MISS b*******K.
+
+     Long and loud were the plaudits the lady to cheer,
+     Whom the doctor had treated somewhat cavalier:
+     "Too young," said the ancient, "the proverb is trite;
+     Age and wisdom, good doctor, not always unite."
+     "For prudence and worth," said Truth, "I'll be bound
+     She may challenge the Dames of old Eton around."
+
+     A crowd pressing forward, the day growing late,
+     Truth whisper'd the Muse, "we had better retreat;
+     For though 'mong the dames we are free from disasters,
+     I know not how well we may fare with the masters.
+     There's Carter, and Yonge, Knapp, Green, and Dupuis,*
+     All coming this way with their ladies, I see.
+     Our visit, you know, was alone to the belles;
+     The masters may sing, if they please, of themselves.
+     Truth mounted a cloud, and the Poet his nag,
+     And these whims sent next day by the post-office bag.
+
+     * Lower, and assistant masters, who keep boarding-houses.
+     Until lately this practice was not permitted; but it must be
+     confessed that it is a salutary arrangement, as it not only
+     tends to keep the youth in a better state of subjection, but
+     in many instances is calculated to increase their progress
+     in study, by enabling them to receive private instruction.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0015" id="image-0015">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page048.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page048 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0016" id="image-0016">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page049.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page049-th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page049" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /> <span class="pagenum">[50]</span> ELECTION SATURDAY.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     A Peep at the Long Chambers&mdash;The Banquet&mdash;Reflections on
+     parting&mdash;Arrival of the Provost of King's College,
+     Cambridge, and the Pozers&mdash;The Captain's Oration&mdash;Busy
+     Monday&mdash;The Oppidan's Farewell&mdash;Examination and Election of
+     the Collegers who stand for King's&mdash;The aquatic Gala and
+     Fireworks&mdash;Oxonian Visitors&mdash;Night&mdash;Rambles in Eton&mdash;
+     Transformations of Signs and Names&mdash;The Feast at the
+     Christopher, with a View of THE OPPIDAN'S MUSEUM, AND ETON
+     COURT OF CLAIMS.
+
+          Now from the schools pour forth a num'rous train,
+          Light-hearted, buoyant as the summer breeze,
+          To deck thy bosom, Eton: now each face
+          Anticipation brightens with delight,
+          While many a fancied bliss floats gaily
+          O'er the ardent mind, chaste as the Nautilus,
+          Spreading her pearly spangles to the sun:
+          The joyous welcome of parental love,
+          The heart-inspiring kiss a sister yields,
+          A brother's greeting, and the cheering smiles
+          Of relatives and friends, and aged domestics,
+          Time-honor'd for their probity and zeal,
+          Whose silvery locks recall to mem'ry's view
+          Some playful scene of earliest childhood,
+          When frolic, mirth, and gambol led the way,
+          Ere reason gave sobriety of thought.-
+          Now bear the busy <i>Cads</i> the new-lopt bough
+          Of beech-tree to the dormitories,
+          While active Collegers the foliage raise
+          Against the chamber walls. A classic grove
+          Springs as by magic art, cool and refreshing,
+          A luxury by nature's self supply'd,
+          Delicious shelter from the dog-star's ray.
+          In thought profound the studious <i>Sextile</i> mark
+          In learned converse with some ancient sage,
+          Whose aid he seeks to meet the dread Provost.
+          The captain fearless seeks the ancient stand,
+          Where old Etona's sons, beneath time's altar-piece,*
+          Have immemorial welcomed <i>Granta's</i> chief.
+          In College-hall the merry cook prepares
+          The choicest viands for the master's banquet:
+          A graceful, healthy throng surround the board,
+          And temp'rance, love, and harmony, prevail.
+          Now busy dames are in high bustle caught,
+          Preparing for each oppidan's departure;
+          And servants, like wing'd Mercury, must fly
+          O'er Windsor bridge to hail the London coach.
+          Adieus on ev'ry side, farewell, farewell,
+          Rings in each passing ear; yet, nor regret
+          Nor sorrow marks the face, but all elate
+          With cheerful tongue and brighten'd eye, unite
+          To hail with joy Etona's holiday.
+          Now comes the trial of who stands for King's,
+          Examinations difficult and deep
+          The Provost and his pozers to o'ercome.
+          To this succeeds the grand aquatic gala,
+          A spectacle of most imposing import,
+          Where, robed in every costume of the world,
+          The gay youth direct the glittering prow;
+          A fleet of well-trimm'd barks upon the bosom
+          Of old father Thames, glide on to pleasure's note:
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[51]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          The expert victors are received with cheers,
+          And the dark canopy of night's illumin'd
+          With a grand display of brilliant fires.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     * Shortly after the arrival of the Provost, he proceeds
+     through the cloisters, where he is met by the captain, or
+     head boy of the school, who speaks a long Latin oration
+     before him, standing under the clock.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      To an old Etonian the last week in July brings with it recollections of
+      delight that time and circumstances can never wholly efface. If, beneath
+      the broad umbrage of the refreshing grove, he seeks relief from care and
+      sultry heat, memory recalls to his imagination the scenes of his boyhood,
+      the ever pleasing recollections of infancy, when he reclined upon the
+      flowery bosom of old father Thames, or sought amusement in the healthful
+      exercise of bathing, or calmly listened to the murmuring ripple of the
+      waters, or joined the merry group in gently plying of the splashing oar.
+      With what eager delight are these reminiscences of youth dwelt on! With
+      what mingled sensations of hope, fear, and regret, do we revert to the
+      happy period of life when, like the favorite flower of the month, our
+      minds and actions rivalled the lily in her purity! Who, that has ever
+      tasted of the inspiring delight which springs from associations of
+      scholastic friendships and amusements, but would eagerly quit the bustle
+      of the great world to indulge in the enjoyment of the pure and unalloyed
+      felicity which is yet to be found among the alumni of Eton?&mdash;Election
+      Saturday&mdash;the very sound reverberates the echo of pleasure, and in a
+      moment places me (in imagination) in the centre of the long chambers of
+      Eton, walking beneath the grateful foliage of the beech-tree, with which
+      those dormitories are always decorated previous to election Saturday. I
+      can almost fancy that I hear the rattle of the carriage wheels, and see
+      the four horses smoking beneath the lodge-window of Eton college, that
+      conveys the provost of King's to attend examination and election. Then too
+      I can figure the classic band who wait to <span class="pagenum">[52]</span>
+      receive him; the dignified little doctor leading the way, followed by the
+      steady, calm-visaged lower master, Carter; then comes benedict Yonge, and
+      after him a space intervenes, where one should have been of rare
+      qualities, but he is absent; then follows good-humoured Heath, and Knapp,
+      who loves the rattle of a coach, and pleasant, clever Hawtry, and careful
+      Okes, and that shrewd sapper, Green, followed by medium Dupuis, and the
+      intelligent Chapman: these form his classic escort to the cloisters. But
+      who shall paint the captain's envied feelings, the proud triumph of his
+      assiduity and skill? To him the honourable office of public orator is
+      assigned; with modest reverence he speaks the Latin oration, standing, as
+      is the custom from time immemorial, under the clock. There too he receives
+      the bright reward, the approbation of the Provost of King's college, and
+      the procession moves forward to the College-hall to partake of the
+      generous banquet. On Sunday the Provost of King's remains a guest with his
+      compeer of Eton. But busy Monday arrives, and hundreds of Oxonians and
+      Cantabs pour in to witness the speeches of the boys, and pay a tribute of
+      respect to their former masters. The exhibition this day takes place in
+      the upper school, and consists of sixth form oppidans and collegers. How
+      well can I remember the animated picture Eton presents on such occasions:
+      shoals of juvenile oppidans, who are not yet of an age to have been
+      elected of any particular school-party, marching forth from their dames'
+      houses, linked arm in arm, parading down the street with an air and gaiety
+      that implies some newly acquired consequence, or liberty of conduct. Every
+      where a holiday face presents itself, and good humour lisps upon every
+      tongue. Here may be seen a youthful group, all anxiety and bustle,
+      trudging after some well-known <i>Cad</i>, who creeps along towards the
+      Windsor coach-office, loaded with portmanteaus, carpet bags, and <span
+      class="pagenum">[53]</span> boxes, like a Norfolk caravan at Christmas
+      time; while the youthful proprietors of the bulky stock, all anxiety and
+      desire to reach their relatives and friends, are hurrying him on, and do
+      not fail to spur the <i>elephant</i> with many a cutting gibe, at his slow
+      progression. Within doors the dames are all bustle, collecting, arranging,
+      and packing up the wardrobes of their respective boarders; servants flying
+      from the hall to the attic, and endangering their necks in their passage
+      down again, from anxiety to meet the breathless impetuosity of their
+      parting guests. Books of all classes, huddled into a heap, may be seen in
+      the corner of each bedroom, making <i>sock</i> for the mice till the
+      return of their purveyors with lots of plum-cake and savoury tarts. The
+      more mature are now busily engaged in settling the fashion of their
+      costume for the approaching gala; in receiving a visit from an elder
+      brother, or a young Oxonian, formerly of Eton, who has arrived post to
+      take <i>sock</i> with him, and enjoy the approaching festivities. Here a
+      venerable domestic, whose silver locks are the truest emblem of his trusty
+      services, arrives with the favorite pony to convey home the infant heir
+      and hope of some noble house.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Now is Garraway as lively as my lord mayor's steward at a Guildhall
+      feast-day; and the active note of preparation for the good things of this
+      world rings through the oaken chambers of the Christopher. Not even the <i>sanctum
+      sanctorum</i> is forgotten, where, in times long past, I have quaffed my
+      jug of Bulstrode, "in cool grot," removed from the scorching heat of a
+      July day, and enjoyed many a good joke, secure from the prying
+      observations of the <i>domine</i>. One, and one only, class of persons
+      wear a sorrowful face upon these joyous occasions, and these are the
+      confectioners and fruitresses of Eton; with them, election Saturday and
+      busy Monday are like the herald to a Jewish black fast, or a stock
+      exchange holiday: they may as well <i>sport their oaks</i> (to use an
+      Oxford phrase) till the <span class="pagenum">[54]</span> return of the
+      oppidans to school, for they seldom see the colour of a customer's cash
+      till the, to them, happy period arrives.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      On the succeeding days the examinations of the collegers proceed
+      regularly; then follows the election of new candidates, and the severe
+      trial of those who stand for King's. These scholastic arrangements
+      generally conclude on the Wednesday night, or Thursday morning, and then
+      Pleasure mounts her variegated car, and drives wherever Fancy may direct.
+      Formerly I find seven or eight scholars went to King's;{*} but in
+      consequence of the fellows of Eton holding pluralities, the means are
+      impoverished, and the number consequently reduced to two or three: this is
+      the more to be regretted, on account of the very severe and irrecoverable
+      disappointment the scholars experience in losing their election, merely on
+      account of age; as at nineteen they are superannuated, and cannot
+      afterwards receive any essential benefit from the college.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Not the blue waves of the Engia, covered with the gay feluccas of the
+      Greeks, and spreading their glittering streamers in the sun; nor the more
+      lovely
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     * This noble seminary of learning was founded by Hen. VI. in
+     1440. Its establishment was then on a limited scale; it has
+     long since been enlarged, and now consists of a provost,
+     vice-provost, six fellows, two schoolmasters, with their
+     assistants, seventy scholars, seven clerks, and ten
+     choristers, besides various inferior officers and servants.
+     The annual election of scholars to King's College,
+     Cambridge, takes place about the end of July, or the
+     beginning of August, when the twelve senior scholars are put
+     on the roll to succeed, but they are not removed till
+     vacancies occur; the average number of which is about nine
+     in two years. At nineteen years of age the scholars are
+     superannuated. Eton sends, also, two scholars to Merton
+     College, Oxford, where they are denominated post-masters,
+     and has likewise a few exhibitions of twenty-one guineas
+     each for its superannuated scholars. The scholars elected to
+     King's succeed to fellowships at three years' standing.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[55]</span> Adriatic, swelling her translucent bosom
+      to the gentle motion of the gondolier, and bearing on her surface the
+      splendid cars and magnificent pageant of the Doge of Venice, marrying her
+      waters to the sea, can to an English bosom yield half the delight the
+      grand aquatic Eton gala affords; where, decked in every costume fancy can
+      devise, may be seen the noble youth of Britain, her rising statesmen,
+      warriors, and judges, the future guardians of her liberties, wealth, and
+      commerce, all vying with each other in loyal devotion to celebrate the
+      sovereign's natal day.{*} Then doth thy silvery bosom, father Thames,
+      present a spectacle truly delightful; a transparent mirror, studded with
+      gems and stars and splendid pageantry, reflecting a thousand brilliant
+      variegated hues; while, upon thy flowery margin, the loveliest daughters
+      of the land press the green velvet of luxuriant nature, outrivalling in
+      charms of colour, form, and beauty, the rose, the lily, and the graceful
+      pine. There too may be seen the accomplished and the gay youth labouring
+      for pleasure at the healthful oar, while with experienced skill the expert
+      helmsman directs through all thy fragrant windings the trim bark to
+      victory. The race determined, the bright star of eve, outrivalled by the
+      pyrotechnic <i>artiste</i>, hides his diminished head. Now sallies forth
+      the gay Oxonian from the Christopher, ripe with the rare Falernian of mine
+      host, to have his frolic gambol with old friends. Pale Luna, through her
+      misty veil, smiles at these harmless pleasantries, and lends the merry
+      group her aid to smuggle signs, alter names, and play off a thousand
+      fantastic vagaries; while the Eton Townsman, robed in
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     * The grand aquatic gala, which terminates the week's festi-
+     vities at Eton, and concludes the water excursions for the
+     season, was originally fixed in honour of his late majesty's
+     birthday, and would have been altered to the period of his
+     successor's, but the time would not accord, the twelfth day
+     of August being vacation.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[50]</span> peaceful slumber, dreams not of the
+      change his house has undergone, and wakes to find a double transformation;
+      his <i>Angel</i> vanished, or exchanged for the rude semblance of an
+      Oxford <i>Bear</i>, with a cognomen thereto appended, as foreign to his
+      family nomenclature "as he to Hercules." In the morning the dames are
+      wailing the loss of their polished knockers; and the barber-surgeon mourns
+      the absence of his obtrusive pole. The optician's glasses have been
+      removed to the door of some prying <i>domine</i>; and the large tin cocked
+      hat has been seized by some midnight giant, who has also claimed old
+      Crispin's three-leagued boot. The golden fish has leaped into the Thames.
+      The landlord of the Lamb bleats loudly for his fleece. The grocer cares
+      not a fig for the loss of his sugar-loaves, but laughs, and takes it as a
+      currant joke. Old Duplicate is resolved to have his balls restored with
+      interest; and the lady mother of the black doll is quite pale in the face
+      with sorrow for the loss of her child. Mine host of the vine looks as sour
+      as his own grapes, before they were fresh gilded; and spruce master
+      Pigtail, the tobacconist, complains that his large roll of real Virginia
+      has been chopped into short cut. But these are by far the least tormenting
+      jokes. That good-humoured Cad, Jem Miller, finds the honorary distinction
+      of private tutor added to his name. Dame &mdash;&mdash;s, an
+      irreproachable spinster of forty, discovers that of Mr. Probe,
+      man-midwife, appended to her own. Mr. Primefit, the Eton Stultz, is
+      changed into Botch, the cobbler. Diodorus Drowsy, D.D., of Windsor, is
+      re-christened Diggory Drenchall, common brewer; and the amiable Mrs.
+      Margaret Sweet, the Eton pastry-cook and confectioner, finds her name
+      united in bands of brass with Mr. Benjamin Bittertart, the baker. The
+      celebrated Christopher Caustic, Esq., surgeon, has the mortification to
+      find his Esculapian dormitory decorated with the sign-board of Mr.
+      Slaughtercalf, a German butcher; while his handsome brass pestle <span
+      class="pagenum">[57]</span> and mortar, with the gilt Galen's head
+      annexed, have been waggishly transferred to the house of some Eton Dickey
+      Gossip, barber and dentist. Mr. Index, the bookseller, changes names with
+      old Frank Finis, the sexton. The elegant door plate of Miss Caroline
+      Cypher, spinster, is placed on the right side of Nicodemus
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Number, B.A., and fellow of Eton, with this note annexed: "New rule of
+      Addition, according to Cocker." Old Amen, the parish clerk, is united to
+      Miss Bridget Silence, the pew opener; and Theophilus White, M.D. changes
+      place with Mr. Sable, the undertaker. But we shall become too grave if we
+      proceed deeper with this subject. There is no end to the whimsical
+      alterations and ludicrous changes that take place upon these occasions,
+      when scarce a sign or door plate in Eton escapes some pantomimic
+      transformation.*
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     * Representations to the masters or authorities are scarcely
+     ever necessary to redress these whimsical grievances, as the
+     injured parties are always remunerated. The next day the
+     spoils and trophies are arranged in due form in a certain
+     snug sanctum sanctorum, the cellar of a favorite inn, well
+     known by the name of the <i>Oppidan's</i> Museum; for a view of
+     which see the sketch made on the spot by my friend Bob
+     Transit. Here the merry wags are to be found in council,
+     holding a court of claims, to which all the tradesmen who
+     have suffered any loss are successively summoned; and after
+     pointing out from among the motley collection the article
+     they claim, and the price it originally cost, they are
+     handsomely remunerated, or the sign replaced. The good
+     people of Eton generally choose the former, as it not only
+     enable them to sport a new sign, but to put a little profit
+     upon the cost price of the old one. The trophies thus
+     acquired are then packed up in hampers, and despatched to
+     Oxford, where they are on similar occasions not unfrequently
+     displayed, or hung up, in lieu of some well-known sign, such
+     as the Mitre, &amp;c. which has been removed during the night.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[58]</span> <a name="image-0017" id="image-0017">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page058.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page058 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      The following jeu-d'esprits issued upon the interference of the
+      authorities at the conclusion of the last Election. The "dance of thirty
+      sovereigns" is an allusion to the fine imposed, which was given to the
+      poor.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          A Ladder Dance.
+          A moving golden Fish.
+          The Fall of Grapes, during a heavy storm.
+          The Cock'd Hat Combat.
+          A March to the Workhouse.
+          Bird-cage Duett, by Messrs. C***** and B****.
+          A public Breakfast, with a dance by thirty sovereigns.
+          Glee&mdash;"When shall we three meet again."
+          The Barber's Hornpipe, by the learned D****.
+          The Turk's Head Revel.
+          Saint Christopher's March.
+          The Committee in Danger.
+          The Cloisters, Eton
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0018" id="image-0018">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page059.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page059 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[59]</span> HERBERT STOCKHORE, THE MONTEM POET
+      LAUREATE. A SKETCH FROM THE LIFE,
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      As he appeared in the Montent Procession of May, 1823.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      BY BERNARD BLACKMANTLE, AND ROBERT TRANSIT
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Bending beneath a weight of time,
+          And crippled as his Montem ode,
+          We found the humble son of rhyme
+
+          Busy beside the public road.
+          Nor laurel'd wreath or harp had he,
+
+          To deck his brow or touch the note
+          That wakes the soul to sympathy.
+
+          His face was piteous as his coat,
+          'Twas motley strange; e'en nature's self,
+
+          In wild, eccentric, playful mood,
+          Had, for her pastime, form'd the elf,
+
+          A being scarcely understood&mdash;
+          Half idiot, harmless; yet a gleam
+
+          Of sense, and whim, and shrewdness, broke
+          The current of his wildest stream;
+
+          And pity sigh'd as madness spoke.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[60]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Lavater, Lawrence, Camper, here
+
+          Philosophy new light had caught:
+          Judged by your doctrines 'twould appear
+
+          The facial line denoted thought.{1}
+          But say, what system e'er shall trace
+
+          By scalp or visage mental worth?
+          The ideot's form, the maniac's face,
+
+          Are shared alike by all on earth.
+          "Comparative Anatomy&mdash;"
+
+          If, Stockhore, 'twas to thee apply'd,
+          'Twould set the doubting Gallist free,
+
+          And Spurzheim's idle tales deride.
+          But hence with visionary scheme,
+
+          Though Bell, or Abernethy, write;
+          Be Herbert Stockhore all my theme,
+
+          The laureate's praises I indite;
+          He erst who sung in Montem's praise,
+
+          And, Thespis like, from out his cart
+          Recited his extempore lays,
+
+          On Eton's sons, in costume smart,
+          Who told of captains bold and grand,
+
+          Lieutenants, marshals, seeking <i>salt</i>;
+          Of colonels, majors, cap in hand,
+
+          Who bade e'en majesty to halt;
+
+     1 It is hardly possible to conceive a more intelligent,
+     venerable looking head, than poor Herbert Stockhore
+     presents; a fine capacious forehead, rising like a
+     promontory of knowledge, from a bold outline of countenance,
+     every feature decisive, breathing serenity and
+     thoughtfulness, with here and there a few straggling locks
+     of silvery gray, which, like the time-discoloured moss upon
+     some ancient battlements, are the true emblems of antiquity:
+     the eye alone is generally dull and sunken in the visage,
+     but during his temporary gleams of sanity, or fancied
+     flights of poetical inspiration, it is unusually bright and
+     animated. According to professor Camper, I should think the
+     facial line would make an angle of eighty or ninety degrees;
+     and, judging upon the principles laid down by Lavater, poor
+     Herbert might pass for a Solon. Of his bumps, or
+     phrenological protuberances, I did not take particular
+     notice, but I have no doubt they would be found, upon
+     examination, equally illustrative of such visionary systems.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[61]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Told how the ensign nobly waved
+
+          The colours on the famous hill;
+          And names from dull oblivion saved,
+
+          Who ne'er the niche of fame can fill:
+          Who, like to Campbell, lends his name.{2}
+
+          To many a whim he ne'er did write;
+          When witty scholars, to their shame,
+
+          'Gainst masters hurl a satire trite.{3}
+          But fare thee well, Ad Montem's bard,{4}
+
+          Farewell, my mem'ry's early friend
+
+     2 The author of "the Pleasures of Hope," and the editor of
+     the New Monthly; but-"<i>Tardè, quo credita lodunt,
+     credimus</i>."
+
+     3  It has long been the custom at Eton, particularly during
+     Montem, to give Herbert Stockhore the credit of many a
+     satirical whim, which he, poor fellow, could as easily have
+     penned as to have written a Greek ode. These squibs are
+     sometimes very humorous, and are purposely written in
+     doggrel verse to escape detection by the masters, who are
+     not unfrequently the principal porsons alluded to.
+
+     4 The following laughable production was sold by poor
+     Herbert Stockhore during the last Montem: we hardly think we
+     need apologise for introducing this specimen of his muse:
+     any account of Eton characteristics must have been held
+     deficient without it.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0009" id="link2H_4_0009">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE MONTEM ODE. May 20, 1823.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Muses attend! the British channel flock o'er,
+          Call'd by your most obedient servant, Stockhore.
+          Aid me, O, aid me, while I touch the string;
+          Montem and Captain Barnard's praise I sing;
+          Captain Barnard, the youth so noble and bright,
+          That none dare dispute his worthy right
+          To that gay laurel which his brother wore,
+          In times that 1 remember long before.
+          What are Olympic honours compared to thine,
+          0 Captain, when Majesty does combine
+          With heroes, their wives, sons and daughters great,
+          To visit this extremely splendid fête.
+          Enough! I feel a sudden inspiration fill
+          My bowels; just as if the tolling bell
+          Had sent forth sounds a floating all along the air
+          Just such Parnassian sounds, though deaf, I'm sure I hear.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[62]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          May misery never press thee hard,
+          Ne'er may disease thy steps attend:
+          Listen, ye gents; rude Boreas hold your tongue!
+          The pomp advances, and my lyre is strung.
+          First comes Marshal Thackeray,
+          Dress'd out in crack array;
+          Ar'nt he a whacker, eh?
+          His way he picks,
+          Follow'd by six,
+          Like a hen by her chicks:
+
+          Enough! he's gone.
+          As this martial Marshall
+          Is to music partial,
+          The bandsmen march all
+
+          His heels upon.
+          He who hits the balls such thumps,
+          King of cricket-bats and stumps,&mdash;
+          Barnard comes;
+          Sound the drums&mdash;
+
+          Silence! he's past.
+          Eight fair pages,
+          Of different ages,
+
+          Follow fast.
+          Next comes the Serjeant-Major,
+          Who, like an old stager,
+
+          Without need of bridle
+          Walks steadily; the same
+          Dolphin Major by name,
+
+          Major Dolphin by title.
+          Next struts Serjeant Brown,
+          Very gay you must own;
+          With gallant Mr. Hughes,
+          In well-polish'd shoes;
+          Then Sampson, who tramps on,
+          Strong as his namesake.
+          Then comes Webb, who don't dread
+          To die for his fame's sake.
+          Next shall I sing
+          Of Serjeant King,
+          And Horace Walpole,
+          Holding a tall pole,
+          Who follows King and Antrobus,
+          Though he's "pulchrior ambobus."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[63]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Be all thy wants by those supply'd,
+          Whom charity ne'er fail'd to move{5}:
+
+     5 This eccentric creature has for many years subsisted
+     entirely upon the bounty of the Etonians, and the
+     inhabitants of Windsor and Eton, who never fail to
+     administer to his wants, and liberally supply him with many
+     little comforts in return for his harmless pleasantries.
+
+          Then to Salthill speed on,
+          While the troops they lead on;
+          Both Mr. Beadon,
+          And Serjeant Mitford,
+          Who's ready to fi't for't.
+          Then Mr. Carter follows a'ter;
+          And Denman,
+          Worth ten men,
+          Like a Knight of the Garter;
+          And Cumberbatch,
+          Without a match,
+          Tell me, who can be smarter?
+          Then Colonel Hand,
+          Monstrous grand,
+          Closes the band.
+          Pass on, you nameless crowd,
+          Pass on. The Ensign proud
+          Comes near. Let all that can see
+          Behold the Ensign Dansey;
+          See with what elegance he
+          Waves the flag&mdash;to please the fancy.
+          Pass on, gay crowd; Le Mann, the big,
+          Bright with gold as a guinea-pig,
+          The big, the stout, the fierce Le Mann,
+          Walks like a valiant gentleman.
+          But take care of your pockets,
+          Here's Salt-bearer Platt,
+          With a bag in his hand,
+          And a plume in his hat;
+          A handsomer youth, sure small-clothes ne'er put on,
+          Though very near rival'd by elegant Sutton.
+
+          Thus then has pass'd this grand procession,
+          In most magnificent progression.
+          Farewell you gay and happy throng!
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[64]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Etona's motto, crest, and pride,
+          Is feeling, courage, friendship, love.
+
+          Farewell my Muse! farewell my song'
+          Farewell Salthill! farewell brave Captain;
+          As ever uniform was clapt in;
+          Since Fortune's kind, pray do not mock her;
+          Your humble poet,
+
+          HERBERT STOCKHORE.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Herbert Stockhore was originally a bricklayer, and now resides at a little
+      house which he has built for himself, and called Mount Pleasant, in a lane
+      leading from Windsor to the Meadows. He has a wife and daughter, honest,
+      industrious people, who reside with him, and are by no means displeased at
+      the visit of a stranger to their eccentric relative. Some idea of the old
+      man's amusing qualifications may be conceived from the following
+      description, to which I have added the account he gives of his heraldic
+      bearings. It must be recollected that the Etonians encourage these whims
+      in the poor old man, and never lose an opportunity of impressing Stockhore
+      with a belief in the magnificent powers of his genius.&mdash;After we had
+      heard him recite several of his unconnected extempore rhapsodies, we were
+      to be indulged with the Montem ode; this the old man insisted should be
+      spoken in his gala dress; nor could all the entreaties of his wife and
+      daughter, joined to those of myself and friend (fearful of appearing
+      obtrusive), dissuade old Herbert from his design. He appeared quite
+      frantic with joy when the dame brought forth from an upper apartment these
+      insignia of his laureateship; the careful manner in which they were folded
+      up and kept clean gave us to understand that the good woman herself set
+      some store by them. The wife and daughter now proceeded to robe the
+      laureate bard: the first garment which was placed over his shoulders, and
+      came below his waist, was a species of tunic made out of patches of
+      bed-furniture, trimmed in the most fantastic manner with fragments of
+      worsted fringe of all colors. Over this he wore an old military jacket, of
+      a very ancient date in respect to costume, and trimmed like the robe with
+      fringe of every variety. A pair of loose trowsers of the same materials as
+      the tunic were also displayed; but the fashion of the poet's head-dress
+      exceeded all the rest for whimsicality: round an old soldier's cap a sheet
+      of pasteboard was bent to a spiral form, rising about fourteen inches, and
+      covered with some pieces of chintz bed-furniture of a very rich pattern;
+      in five separate circles, was disposed as many different colors of
+      fringes; some worsted twisted, to resemble feathers, was suspended from
+      the side; and the whole had the most grotesque appearance, more nearly
+      resembling the papal crown in similitude than any thing else I can
+      conceive. <span class="pagenum">[65]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Poor harmless soul, thy merry stave
+     Shall live when nobler poets bend;
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      The poor old fellow seemed elated to a degree. We had sent for a little
+      ale for him, but were informed he was not accustomed to drink much of any
+      strong liquor. After a glass, Herbert recited with great gesture and
+      action, but in a very imperfect manner, the Montem ode; and then for a few
+      minutes seemed quite exhausted. During this exhibition my friend Transit
+      was engaged in sketching his portrait, a circumstance that appeared to
+      give great pleasure to the wife and daughter, who earnestly requested, if
+      it was published, to be favored with a copy. We had now become quite
+      familiar with the old man, and went with him to view his Montem car and
+      Arabian pony, as he called them, in a stable adjoining the house. On our
+      return, my friend Transit observed that his cart required painting, and
+      should be decorated with some appropriate emblem. Herbert appeared to
+      understand the idea, and immediately proceeded to give us a history of his
+      heraldic bearings, or, as he said, what his coat of arms should be, which,
+      he assured us, the gentlemen of Eton had subscribed for, and were having
+      prepared at the Heralds' College in London, on purpose for him to display
+      next Montem. "My grand-father," said Stockhore, "was a hatter, therefore I
+      am entitled to the beaver in the first quarter of my shield. My
+      grandfather by my mother's side was a farmer, therefore I should have the
+      wheat-sheaf on the other part. My own father was a pipe-maker, and that
+      gives me a noble ornament, the cross pipes and glasses, the emblems of
+      good fellowship. Now my wife's father was a tailor, and that yields me a
+      goose: those are the bearings of the four quarters of my shield. Now, sir,
+      I am a poet&mdash;ay, the poet laureate of Montem; and that gives me a
+      right to the winged horse for my crest. There's a coat of arms for you,"
+      said poor Herbert; "why, it would beat every thing but the king's; ay, and
+      his too, if it wasn't for the lion and crown." The attention we paid to
+      this whim pleased the poor creature mightily; he was all animation and
+      delight. But the day was fast declining: so, after making the poor people
+      a trifling present for the trouble we had given them, my friend Transit
+      and myself took our farewell of poor Herbert, not, I confess, without
+      regret; for I think the reader will perceive by this brief sketch thero is
+      great character and amusement in his harmless whims. I have been thus
+      particular in my description of him, because he is always at Montem time
+      an object of much curiosity; and to every Etonian of the last thirty
+      years, his peculiarities must have frequently afforded amusement. <span
+      class="pagenum">[66]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          And when Atropos to the grave
+          Thy silvery locks of gray shall send,
+
+          Etona's sons shall sing thy fame,
+          <i>Ad Montem</i> still thy verse resound,
+
+          Still live an ever cherish'd name,
+          As long as <i>salt</i>{2} and sock abound.
+
+     2 Salt is the name given to the money collected at Montem.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0019" id="image-0019">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page066.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page066 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0010" id="link2H_4_0010">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE DOUBTFUL POINT.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      "Why should I not read it," thought Horatio, hesitating, with the MSS. of
+      Life in Eton half opened in his hand. A little Chesterfield deity, called
+      Prudence, whispered&mdash;"Caution." "Well, Miss Hypocrisy," quoth the
+      Student, "what serious offence shall I commit against propriety or
+      morality by reading a whimsical jeu-d'esprit, penned to explain the
+      peculiar lingual localisms of Eton, and display her chief characteristic
+      follies." "It is slang," said Prudence. "Granted," said Horatio: "but he
+      who undertakes to depict real life must not expect to make a pleasing or a
+      correct picture, without the due proportions of light and shade. 'Vice to
+      be hated needs but to be seen.' Playful satire may do more towards
+      correcting the evil than all the dull lessons of sober-tongued morality
+      can ever hope to effect." Candour, who just then happened to make a
+      passing call, was appointed referee; and, without hesitation, agreed
+      decidedly with Horatio.{1}
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 Life at Eton will not, I hope, be construed into any
+     intention of the author's to follow in the track of any
+     previous publication: his object is faithfully to delineate
+     character, not to encourage vulgar phraseology, or
+     promulgate immoral sentiment.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[67]</span> LIFE IN ETON;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          A COLLEGE CHAUNT IN PRAISE OF PRIVATE
+          TUTORS.{1}
+
+          Time hallowed shades, and noble names,
+          Etonian classic bowers;
+          Pros,{2} masters, fellows, and good dames,{3}
+          Where pass'd my school-boy hours;
+
+     1 Private tutor, in the Eton school phrase, is another term
+     for a <i>Cad</i>, a fellow who lurks about college, and assists
+     in all <i>sprees</i> and sports by providing dogs, fishing
+     tackle, guns, horses, bulls for baiting, a badger, or in
+     promoting any other interdicted, or un-lawful pastime. A
+     dozen or more of these well known characters may be seen
+     loitering in front of the college every morning, making
+     their arrangement with their pupils, the <i>Oppidans</i>, for a
+     day's sport, to commence the moment school is over. They
+     formerly used to occupy a seat on the low wall, in front of
+     the college, but the present headmaster has recently
+     interfered to expel this assemblage; they still, however,
+     carry on their destructive intercourse with youth, by
+     walking about, and watching their opportunity for
+     communication. The merits of these worthies are here
+     faithfully related, and will be instantly recognised by any
+     Etonian of the last thirty years.
+
+     2 <i>PROS</i>. Eton college is governed by a provost, vice-
+     provost, six fellows, a steward of the courts, head-master,
+     and a lower, or second master; to which is added, nine
+     assistant masters, and five extra ones, appointed to teach
+     French, writing, drawing, fencing, and dancing. The school
+     has materially increased in numbers within the last few
+     years, and now contains nearly five hundred scholars, sons
+     of noblemen and gentlemen, and may be truly said to be the
+     chief nursery for the culture of the flower of the British
+     nation.&mdash;See note to page 54.
+
+     3 <i>DAMES</i>. The appellation given to the females who keep
+     boarding-houses in Eton. These houses, although out of the
+     college walls, are subject to the surveillance of the head
+     master and fellows, to whom all references and complaints
+     are made.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+<span class="pagenum">[69]</span>
+          Come list', while I with con,{4} and sock{5}
+          And chaunt,{6} both ripe and mellow,
+          Tell how you knowledge stores unlock,
+
+          To make a clever fellow.{7}
+          For Greek and Latin, classic stuff,
+
+          Let tug muttons{8}compose it;
+          Give oppidans{9} but blunt{10 }enough,
+
+          What odds to them who knows it.
+          A dapper dog,{11} a right coolfish,{12}
+
+          Who snugly dines on pewter;
+          Quaffs Bulstrode ale,{13} and takes his dish.
+
+     4  CON. A con is a companion, or friend; as, "you are
+     cons of late."
+
+     5  SOCK signifies eating or drinking niceties; as, pastry,
+     jellies, Bishop, &amp;c.
+
+     6  CHAUNT, a good song; to versify.
+
+     7  This is not intended as an imputation on the learned
+     fellows of Eton college, but must be taken in the vulgar
+     acceptation&mdash;you're a clever fellow, &amp;c.
+
+     8  TUG MUTTONS, or Tugs, collegers, foundation scholars; an
+     appellation given to them by the oppidans, in derision of
+     the custom which has prevailed from the earliest period, and
+     is still continued, of living entirely on roast mutton; from
+     January to December no other description of meat is ever
+     served up at College table in the hall. There are seventy of
+     these young gentlemen on the foundation who, if they miss
+     their election when they are nineteen, lose all the benefits
+     of a fellowship.
+
+     9  OPPIDANS, independent scholars not on the foundation.
+
+     10 BLUNT, London slang (for money), in use here.
+
+     11 A DAPPER DOC, any thing smart, or pleasing, as, "Ay,
+     that's dapper," or, "you are a dapper dog."
+
+     12 A RIGHT COOL FISH, one who is not particular what he says
+     or does.
+
+     13 BULSTRODE ALE, a beverage in great request at the
+     Christopher. When the effects were sold at Bulstrode,
+     Garraway purchased a small stock of this famous old ale,
+     which by some miraculous process he has continued to serve
+     out in plentiful quantities ever since. The joke has of late
+     been rather against mine host of the Christopher, who,
+     however, to do him justice, has an excellent tap, which is
+     now called the queen's, from some since purchased at
+     Windsor: this is sold in small quarts, at one shilling per
+     jug.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+<span class="pagenum">[70]</span>
+          In private with his tutor.{14}
+          In lieu of ancient learned lore,
+
+          Which might his brain bewilder,
+          Rum college slang he patters o'er,
+
+          With cads{15 }who chouse{16} the guilder.
+          Who's truly learn'd must read mankind,
+
+          Truth's axiom inculcates:
+          The world's a volume to the mind,
+
+          Instructive more than pulpits.{17}
+          Come fill the bowl with <i>Bishop</i> up,
+
+          <i>Clods,{18} Fags,{19} and Skugs{20} and Muttons{21}</i>;
+          When <i>absence</i>{22} calls ye into sup,
+
+          Drink, drink to me, ye gluttons.
+          I'll teach ye how to kill dull care,
+
+          Improve your box of knowledge,{23}
+
+     14 Many of the young noblemen and gentlemen at Eton are
+     accompanied by private tutors, who live with them to
+     expedite their studies; they are generally of the College,
+     and recommended by the head master for their superior
+     endowments.
+
+     15  CAD, a man of all work, for dirty purposes, yclept
+     private tutor. See note 1, page 68.
+
+     16  CHOUSE the GUILDER. Chouse or chousing is generally
+     applied to any transaction in which they think they may have
+     been cheated or overcharged.
+
+     Guilder is a cant term for gold.
+
+     17  Nothing in the slightest degree unorthodox is meant to
+     be inferred from this reasoning, but simply the sentiment
+     of this quotation-'The proper study of mankind is man.'
+
+     18  CLODS, as, "you clod," a town boy, or any one not an
+     Etonian, no matter how respectable.
+
+     19 FAGS, boys in the lower classes. Every fifth form boy has
+     his fag.
+
+     20 SCUG or SKUG, a lower boy in the school, relating to
+
+     sluggish. 21 MUTTONS. See note 8.
+
+     22 ABSENCE. At three-quarters past eight in summer, and
+     earlier in winter, several of the masters proceed to the
+     different dames' houses, and call absence, when every boy is
+     compelled to be instantly in quarters for the night, on pain
+     of the most severe punishment.
+
+     23 BOX of KNOWLEDGE, the pericranium.
+
+          With all that's witty, choice, and rare,
+
+          'Fore all the <i>Slugs</i>{24} of college.
+          Of private tutors, vulgo Cads,
+
+          A list I mean to tender;
+          The qualities of all the lads,
+
+          Their prices to a <i>bender</i>.{25}
+          First, Shampo Carter{26} doffs his <i>tile</i>,
+
+          To dive, to fish, or fire;
+          There's few can better time beguile,
+
+          And none in sporting higher.
+
+     24 SLUGS of College, an offensive appellation applied to the
+     fellows of Eton by the townsmen.
+
+     25 BENDER, a sixpence.
+
+     26 Note from Bernard Blackmantle, M.A. to Shampo Carter and
+     Co. P.T.'s:&mdash;
+
+     MESSIEURS THE CADS OF ETON, In handing down to posterity
+     your multifarious merits and brilliant qualifications, you
+     will perceive I have not forgotten the signal services and
+     delightful gratifications so often afforded me in the days
+     of my youth. Be assured, most assiduous worthies, that I am
+     fully sensible of all your merits, and can appreciate justly
+     your great usefulness to the rising generation. You are the
+     sappers and miners of knowledge, who attack and destroy the
+     citadel of sense before it is scarcely defensible. It is no
+     fault of yours if the stripling of Eton is not, at eighteen,
+     well initiated into all the mysteries of life, excepting
+     only the, to him, mysterious volumes of the classics. To do
+     justice to all was not within the limits of my work; I have
+     therefore selected from among you the most distinguished
+     names, and I flatter myself, in so doing, I have omitted
+     very few of any note; if, however, any efficient member of
+     your brotherhood should have been unintentionally passed by,
+     he has only to forward an authenticated copy of his
+     biography and peculiar merits to the publisher, to meet with
+     insertion in a second edition.
+
+     Bernard Blackmantle.
+
+     Bill Carter is, after all, a very useful fellow, if it was
+     only in teaching the young Etonians to swim, which he does,
+     by permission of the head master.
+
+     Tile, a hat.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+<span class="pagenum">[72]</span>
+          Joe Cannon, or my lord's a gun,{27}
+          A regular nine pounder;
+          To man a boat, stands number one,
+
+          And ne'er was known to flounder.
+          There's Foxey Hall{28} can throw the line
+          With any Walton angler;
+          To tell his worth would task the Nine,
+
+          Or pose a Cambridge wrangler.
+          Next, Pickey Powell{29} at a ball
+
+          Is master of the wicket;
+          Can well deliver at a call
+
+          A trite essay on cricket.
+          Jem Flowers {30} baits a badger well,
+
+          For a bull <i>hank, or tyke</i>, sir;
+          And as an out and out bred <i>swell</i>,{31}
+
+          Was never seen his like.
+
+     27 A GUN&mdash;"He's a great gun," a good fellow, a knowing one.
+     Joe is a first rate waterman, and by the Etonians styled
+     "Admiral of the fleet."
+
+     28 "Not a better fellow than Jack Hall among the Cads," said
+     an old Etonian, "or a more expert angler." Barb, Gudgeon,
+     Dace, and Chub, seem to bite at his bidding; and if they
+     should be a little shy, why Jack knows how to "go to work
+     with the net."
+
+     29 Who, that has been at Eton, and enjoyed the manly and
+     invigorating exercise of cricket, has not repeatedly heard
+     Jem Powell in tones of exultation say, "Only see me '<i>liver
+     thin here</i> ball, my young master?" And, in good truth, Jem
+     is right, for very few can excel him in that particular: and
+     then (when Jem is <i>Bacchi plenis</i>,) who can withstand his
+     <i>quart of sovereigns</i>. On such occasions Jem is seen
+     marching up and down before the door of his house, with a
+     silver quart tankard filled with gold&mdash;the savings of many
+     years of industry.
+
+     30 Jem Flowers is an old soldier; and, in marshalling the
+     forces for a bull or a badger-bait, displays all the tactics
+     of an experienced general officer. Caleb Baldwin would no
+     more bear comparison with Jem than a flea does to an
+     elephant.
+
+     31 When it is remembered how near Eton is to London, and how
+     frequent the communication, it will appear astonishing, but
+     highly creditable to the authorities, that so little of the
+     current slang of the day is to be met with here.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[73]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          There's Jolly Jem,{32} who keeps his punt,
+
+          And dogs to raise the siller;
+          Of <i>cads</i>, the captain of the hunt,
+
+          A right and tight good miller.
+          Next Barney Groves,{33} a learned wight,
+
+          The impounder of cattle,
+          Dilates on birth and common right,
+
+          And threats <i>black slugs</i> with battle.
+          Big George {34} can teach the use of fives,
+
+          Or pick up a prime terrier;
+          Or <i>spar</i>, or keep the game alive,
+
+          With beagle, bull, or harrier.
+          Savager{35} keeps a decent nag,
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     32 Jem Miller was originally a tailor; but having dropt a
+     stitch or two in early life, <i>listed</i> into a sporting
+     regiment of Cads some years since; and being a better shot
+     at hares and partridges than he was considered at the <i>heavy
+     goose</i>, has been promoted to the rank of captain of the
+     private tutors. Jem is a true jolly fellow; his house
+     exhibits a fine picture of what a sportsman's hall should
+     be, decorated with all the emblems of fishing, fowling, and
+     hunting, disposed around in great taste.
+
+     33  Barney Groves, the haughward, or impounder of stray
+     cattle at Eton, is one of the most singular characters I
+     have ever met with. Among the ignorant Barney is looked up
+     to as the fountain of local and legal information; and it is
+     highly ludicrous to hear him expatiate on his favourite
+     theme of "our birthrights and common rights;" tracing the
+     first from the creation, and deducing argument in favor of
+     his opinions on the second from doomsday book, through all
+     the intricate windings of the modern inclosure acts. Barney
+     is a great stickler for reform in College, and does not
+     hesitate to attack the fellows of Eton (whom he denominates
+     black slugs), on holding pluralities, and keeping the good
+     things to themselves. As Barney's avocation compels him to
+     travel wide, he is never interrupted by water; for in summer
+     or winter he readily wades through the deepest places; he is
+     consequently a very efficient person in a sporting party.
+
+     34 George Williams, a well-known dog fancier, who also
+     teaches the art and science of pugilism.
+
+     35 Savager, a livery-stable keeper, who formerly used to
+     keep a good tandem or two for hire, but on the interference
+     of the head master, who interdicted such amusements as
+     dangerous, they have been put down in Eton.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[74]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          But's very shy of lending,
+          Since she put down her tandem <i>drag</i>,{36}
+
+          For fear of Keates offending.
+          But if you want to splash along
+
+          In glory with a <i>ginger</i>,{37}
+          Or in a Stanhope come it strong,
+
+          Try Isaac Clegg,{38} of Windsor.
+          If o'er old father Thames you'd glide,
+
+          And cut the silvery stream;
+          With Hester's{39} eight oars mock the tide,
+
+          He well deserves a <i>theme</i>.
+          There's Charley Miller, and George Hall,{40}
+
+          Can beasts and birds restore, sir;
+          And though they cannot bark or squall,
+
+          Look livelier than before, sir.
+          Handy Jack's {41} a general blade,
+
+          There's none like Garraway, sir;
+          Boats, ducks, or dogs, are all his trade,
+
+          He'll fit you to a say, sir.
+
+     36  DR A G, London slang for tilbury, dennet, Stanhope, &amp;c.
+
+     37  A GINGER, a showy, fast horse.
+
+     38  Isaac Clegg is in great repute for his excellent turn
+     outs, and prime nags; and, living in Windsor, he is out of
+     the jurisdiction of the head master.
+
+     39  Hester's boats are always kept in excellent trim. At
+     Eton exercise on the water is much practised, and many of
+     the scholars are very expert watermen: they have recently
+     taken to boats of an amazing length, forty feet and upwards,
+     which, manned with eight oars, move with great celerity.
+     Every Saturday evening the scholars are permitted to assume
+     fancy dresses; but the practice is now principally confined
+     to the steersman; the rest simply adopting sailors' costume,
+     except on the fourth of June, or election Saturday, when
+     there is always a grand gala, a band of music, and
+     fireworks, on the island in the Thames.
+
+     40  Miller and Hall, two famous preservers of birds and
+     animals; an art in high repute among the Etonians.
+
+     41  A famous boatman, duck-hunter, dog-fighter; or,
+     according to the London phrase&mdash;good at everything.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[75]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Tom New {42} in manly sports is old,
+
+          A tailor, and a trump, sir;
+          And <i>odd Fish Bill</i>,{43} at sight of gold,
+
+          Will steer clear of the bump,"{44} sir.
+          A list of <i>worthies</i>, learn'd and great
+
+          In every art and science,
+          That noble youths should emulate,
+
+          To set laws at defiance:
+          The church, the senate, and the bar,
+
+          By these in ethics grounded,
+          Must prove a meteoric star,
+
+          Of brilliancy compounded.
+          Ye lights of Eton, rising suns,
+
+          Of all that's great and godly;
+          The nation's hope, and dread of <i>duns</i>,
+
+          Let all your acts be <i>motley</i>.
+          Learn arts like these, ye oppidan,
+
+          If you'd astonish greatly
+          The senate, or the great divan,
+
+          With classics pure, and stately.
+          Give Greek and Latin to the wind,
+
+          Bid pedagogues defiance:
+          These are the rules to grace the mind
+
+          With the true gems of science.
+
+     42  Tom New, a great cricketer.
+
+     43  Bill Fish, a waterman who attends the youngest boys in
+     their excursions.
+
+     44  The BUMP, to run against each other in the race.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      APOLLO'S VISIT TO ETON.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[76]</span> This whimsical production appeared
+      originally in 1819, in an Eton miscellany entitled the College Magazine;
+      the poetry of which was afterwards selected, and only fifty copies struck
+      off: these have been carefully suppressed, principally we believe on
+      account of this article, as it contains nothing that we conceive can be
+      deemed offensive, and has allusions to almost all the distinguished
+      scholars of that period, besides including the principal contributors to
+      the Etonian, a recent popular work: we have with some difficulty filled up
+      the blanks with real names; and, at the suggestion of several old
+      Etonians, incorporated it with the present work, as a fair criterion of
+      the promising character of the school at this particular period.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The practice of thus distinguishing the rising talents of Eton is somewhat
+      ancient. We have before us a copy of verses dated 1620, in which Waller,
+      the poet, and other celebrated characters of his time, are particularised.
+      At a still more recent period, during the mastership of the celebrated
+      Doctor Barnard, the present earl of Carlisle, whose classical taste is
+      universally admitted, distinguished himself not less than his compeers, by
+      some very elegant lines: those on the late Right Hon. C. J. Fox we are
+      induced to extract as a strong proof of the noble earl's early penetration
+      and foresight.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     "How will my Fox, alone, by strength of parts.
+     Shake the loud senate, animate the hearts
+     Of fearful statesmen? while around you stand
+     Both Peers and Commons listening your command.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[77]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     While <i>Tully's</i> sense its weight to you affords,
+     His nervous sweetness shall adorn your words.
+     What praise to Pitt,{1} to Townshend, e'er was due,
+     In future times, my Pox, shall wait on you."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      At a subsequent period, the leading characters of the school were
+      spiritedly drawn in a periodical newspaper, called the World, then edited
+      by Major Topham, and the Rev. Mr. East, who is still, I believe, living,
+      and preaches occasionally at Whitehall. From that publication, now very
+      scarce, I have selected the following as the most amusing, and relating to
+      distinguished persons.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 The great Earl of Chatham.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0011" id="link2H_4_0011">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      RECOLLECTIONS OF AN OLD ETONIAN.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      The Lords Littleton&mdash;father and son, formed two opposite characters
+      in their times. The former had a distinguished turn for pastoral poetry,
+      and wrote some things at Eton with all the enthusiasm of early years, and
+      yet with all the judgment of advanced life. The latter showed there, in
+      some traits of disposition, what was to be expected from him; but he too
+      loved the Muses, and cultivated them.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He there too displayed the strange contraries of being an ardent admirer
+      of the virtues of classic times, while he was cheating at chuck and
+      all-fours; and though he affected every species of irreligion, was, in
+      fact, afraid of his own shadow.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The whole North Family have, in succession, adorned this school with their
+      talents&mdash;which in the different branches were various, but all of
+      mark and vivacity. To the younger part, Dampier was the tutor; who, having
+      a little disagreement with Frank North on the hundred steps coming down
+      from the terrace, at Windsor, they adjusted it, by Frank North's rolling
+      his tutor very quickly down the whole of them. The tutor has since risen
+      to some eminence in the church.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Lord Cholmondeley was early in life a boy of great parts, and they have
+      continued so ever since, though not lively ones. Earl of Buckingham was a
+      plain good scholar, but <span class="pagenum">[79]</span> would have been
+      better at any other school, for he was no poet, and verse is here one of
+      the first requisites; besides, he had an impediment in his speech, which,
+      in the hurry of repeating a lesson before a number of boys, was always
+      increased. It was inculcated to him by his dame&mdash;that he must look
+      upon himself as the reverse of a woman in every thing, and not hold&mdash;that
+      whoever "<i>deliberates is lost</i>."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Lord Harrington was a boy of much natural spirit. In the great rebellion,
+      under <i>Forster</i>, when all the boys threw their books into the Thames,
+      and marched to Salt Hill, he was amongst the foremost. At that place each
+      took an oath, or rather swore, he would be d&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;d if ever
+      he returned to school again.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When, therefore, he came to London to the old Lord Harrington's, and sent
+      up his name, his father would only speak to him at the door, insisting, at
+      the same time, on his immediate return. "Sir," said the son, "consider I
+      shall be d&mdash;d if I do!" "And I" answered the father, "will be d&mdash;d
+      if you don't!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Yes, my lord," replied the son, "but you will be d&mdash;d together I do
+      or no!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The Storers. Anthony and Tom, for West Indians, were better scholars than
+      usually fell to the share of those <i>children of the sun</i>, who were,
+      in general, too gay to be great. The name of the elder stands to this day
+      at the head of many good exercises; from which succeeding genius has
+      stolen, and been praised for it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Tom had an odd capability of running round a room on the edge of the
+      wainscot, a strange power of holding by the foot: an art which, in lower
+      life, might have been serviceable to him in the showing it. And Anthony,
+      likewise, amongst better and more brilliant qualifications, had the
+      reputation of being amongst the best dancers of the age. In a political
+      line, perhaps, he did not <i>dance attendance</i> to much purpose.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Harry Conway, brother to the present Marquis of <span class="pagenum">[80]</span>
+      Hertford, though younger in point of learning, was older than his brother,
+      Lord Beauchamp; but he was not so forward as to show this preeminence: a
+      somewhat of modesty, a consciousness of being younger, always kept him
+      back from displaying it. In fact, they were perfectly unlike two Irish
+      boys&mdash;the Wades, who followed them, and who, because the younger was
+      taller, used to fight about which was the eldest.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Pepys. A name well known for Barnard's commendation of it, and for his
+      exercises in the <i>Musæ Etonenses</i>. He was amongst the best poets that
+      Eton ever produced.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Kirkshaw, son to the late doctor, of Leeds, and since fellow of Trinity
+      College. When his father would have taken him away, he made a singular
+      request that he might stay a year longer, not wishing to be made a man so
+      early.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Many satiric Latin poems bear his name at Eton, and he continued that turn
+      afterwards at Cambridge. He was remarkable for a very large head; but it
+      should likewise be added, there was a good deal in it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      On this head, his father used to hold forth in the country. He was,
+      without a figure, the head of the school, and was afterwards in the caput
+      at the university.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Wyndham, under Barnard, distinguished himself very early as a scholar, and
+      for a logical acuteness, which does not often fall to the share of a boy.
+      He was distinguished too both by land and by water; for while he was
+      amongst the most informed of his time, in school hours, in the playing
+      fields, on the water, with the celebrated boatman, my guinea piper at
+      cricket, or in rowing, he was always the foremost. He used to boast, that
+      he should in time be as good a boxer as his father was, though he used to
+      add, that never could be exactly known, as he could not decently have a <i>set-to</i>
+      with him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[81]</span> Fawkener, the major, was captain of the
+      school; and in those days was famed for the "<i>suaviter in modo</i>," and
+      for a turn for gallantry with the Windsor milliners, which he pursued up
+      the hundred steps, and over the terrace there. As this turn frequently
+      made him overrun the hours of absence, on his return he was found out, and
+      flogged the next morning; but this abated not his zeal in the cause of
+      gallantry, as he held it to be, like <i>Ovid</i>, whom he was always
+      reading, suffering in a fair cause.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Fawkener, Everard, minor, with the same turn for pleasure as his brother,
+      but more open and ingenuous in his manner, more unreserved in his
+      behaviour, then manifested, what he has since been, the bon vivant of
+      every society, and was then as since, the admired companion in every
+      party.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Prideaux was remarkable for being the gravest boy of his time, and for
+      having the longest chin. Had he followed the ancient "<i>Sapientem pascere
+      Barbam</i>," there would in fact have been no end of it. With this turn,
+      however, his time was not quite thrown away, nor his gravity. In
+      conjunction with Dampier, Langley, and Serjeant, who were styled the
+      learned Cons, he composed a very long English poem, in the same metre as
+      the Bath Guide, and of which it was then held a favour to get a copy. He
+      had so much of advanced life about him, that the masters always looked
+      upon him as a man; and this serious manner followed him through his
+      pastimes. He was fond of billiards; but he was so long in making his
+      stroke, that no boy could bear to play with him: when the game, therefore,
+      went against him, like Fabius-<i>Cunctando restituit rem</i>; and they
+      gave it up rather than beat him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Hulse. Amongst the best tennis-players that Eton ever sent up to Windsor,
+      where he always was. As a poet he distinguished himself greatly, by
+      winning one of the medals given by Sir John Dalrymple. His <span
+      class="pagenum">[82]</span> exercise on this occasion was the subject of
+      much praise to Doctor Forster, then master, and of much envy to his
+      contemporaries in the sixth form, who said it was given to him because he
+      was head boy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      These were his arts; besides which he had as many tricks as any boy ever
+      had. He had nothing when præpositer, and of course ruling under boys, of
+      dignity about him, or of what might enforce his authority. When he ought
+      to have been angry, some monkey trick always came across him, and he would
+      make a serious complaint against a little boy, in a hop, step, and a jump.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Montague. Having a great predecessor before him under the appellation of "<i>Mad
+      Montague</i>" had always a consolatory comparison in this way in his
+      favor. In truth, at times he wanted it, for he was what has been termed a
+      genius: but he was likewise so in talent. He was an admirable poet, and
+      had a neatness of expression seldom discoverable at such early years. In
+      proof, may be brought a line from a Latin poem on Cricket:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     "<i>Clavigeri fallit verbera&mdash;virga cadit</i>."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      And another on scraping a man down at the <i>Robin Hood</i>:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     "<i>Radit arenosam pes inimicus humum</i>."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      The scratching of the foot on the sandy floor is admirable.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      During a vacation, Lord Sandwich took him to Holland; and he sported on
+      his return a Dutch-built coat for many weeks. The boys used to call him <i>Mynheer
+      Montague</i>; but his common habit of oddity soon got the better of his
+      coat.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He rose to be a young man of great promise, as to abilities; and died too
+      immaturely for his fame.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Tickell, the elder. <i>Manu magis quam capite</i> should have been his
+      motto. By natural instinct he loved <span class="pagenum">[83]</span>
+      fighting, and knew not what fear was. He went amongst his school-fellows
+      by the name of Hannibal, and Old Tough. A brother school-fellow of his, no
+      less a man than the Marquis of Buckingham, met, and recognised him again
+      in Ireland, and with the most marked solicitude of friendship, did every
+      thing but assist him, in obtaining a troop of dragoons, which he had much
+      at heart.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Tickell, minor, should then have had the eulogy of how much elder art thou
+      than thy years! In those early days his exercises, read publicly in
+      school, gave the anticipation of what time and advancing years have
+      brought forth. He was an admirable scholar, and a poet from nature;
+      forcible, neat, and discriminating. The fame of his grandsire, the Tickell
+      of Addison, was not hurt by the descent to him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      His sister, who was the beauty of Windsor castle, and the admiration of
+      all, early excited a passion in a boy then at school, who afterwards
+      married her. Of this sister he was very fond; but he was not less so of
+      another female at Windsor, a regard since terminated in a better way with
+      his present wife.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      His pamphlet of <i>Anticipation</i>, it is said, placed him where he since
+      was, under the auspices of Lord North; but his abilities were of better
+      quality, and deserved a better situation for their employment.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Lord Plymouth, then Lord Windsor, had to boast some distinctions, which
+      kept him aloof from the boys of his time. He was of that inordinate size
+      that, like Falstaff, four square yards on even ground were so many miles
+      to him; and the struggles which he underwent to raise himself when down
+      might have been matter of instruction to a minority member. In the
+      entrance to his Dame's gate much circumspection was necessary; for, like
+      some good men out of power, he found it difficult to get in.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When in school, or otherwise, he was not undeserving of praise, either as
+      to temper or <span class="pagenum">[84]</span> scholarship; and whether
+      out of the excellence of his Christianity, or that of good humour, he was
+      not very adverse to good living; and he continued so ever after.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Lord Leicester had the reputation of good scholarship, and not
+      undeservedly. In regard to poetry, however, he was sometimes apt to break
+      the eighth commandment, and prove lie read more the Musee Etonenses than
+      his prayer-book. Inheriting it from Lord Townshend, the father of
+      caricaturists, he there pursued, with nearly equal ability, that turn for
+      satiric drawing. The master, the tutors, slender Prior, and fat Roberts,&mdash;all
+      felt in rotation the effects of his pencil.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      There too, as well as since, he had a most venerable affection for
+      heraldry, and the same love of collecting together old titles, and
+      obsolete mottos. Once in the military, he had, it may be said, a turn for
+      arms. In a zeal of this kind he once got over the natural mildness of his
+      temper, and was heard to exclaim&mdash;"There are two griffins in my
+      family that have been missing these three centuries, and by G-, I'll have
+      iliem back again!"-This passion was afterwards improved into so perfect a
+      knowledge, that in the creation of peers he was applied to, that every due
+      ceremonial might be observed; and he never failed in his recollection on
+      these antiquated subjects.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Tom Plummer gave then a specimen of that quickness and vivacity of parts
+      for which he was afterwards famed. But not as a scholar, not as a poet,
+      was he quick alone; he was quick too in the wrong ends of things, as well
+      as the right, with a plausible account to follow it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In fact, he was born for the law; clear, discriminating, judicious, alive,
+      and with a noble impartiality to all sides of questions, and which none
+      could defend better. This goes, however, only to the powers of his head;
+      in those of the heart no one, and in the best <span class="pagenum">[85]</span>
+      and tenderest qualities of it, ever stood better. He was liked
+      universally, and should be so; for no man was ever more meritorious for
+      being good, as he who had all the abilities which sometimes make a man
+      otherwise.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In the progress of life mind changes often, and body almost always. Both
+      these rules, however, he lived to contradict; for his talents and his
+      qualities retained their virtue; and when a boy he was as tall as when a
+      man, and apparently the same.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Capel Loft. In the language of Eton the word gig comprehended all that was
+      ridiculous, all that was to be laughed at, and plagued to death; and of
+      all gigs that was, or ever will be, this gentleman, while a boy, was the
+      greatest.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He was like nothing, "in the heavens above, or the waters under the
+      earth;" and therefore he was surrounded by a mob of boys whenever he
+      appeared. These days of popularity were not pleasant. Luckily, however,
+      for himself, he found some refuge from persecution in his scholarship.
+      This scholarship was much above the rate, and out of the manner of common
+      boys.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      As a poet, he possessed fluency and facility, but not the strongest
+      imagination. As a classic, he was admirable; and his prose themes upon
+      different subjects displayed an acquaintance with the Latin idiom and
+      phraseology seldom acquired even by scholastic life, and the practice of
+      later years. Beyond this, he read much of everything that appeared, knew
+      every thing, and was acquainted with every better publication of the
+      times.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Even then he studied law, politics, divinity; and could have written well
+      upon those subjects.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      These talents have served him since more effectually than they did then;
+      more as man than boy:
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      For at school he was a kind of Gray Beard: he neither ran, played, jumped,
+      swam, or fought, as <span class="pagenum">[86]</span> other boys do. The
+      descriptions of puerile years, so beautifully given by <i>Gray</i>, in his
+      ode:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     "Who, foremost, now delight to cleave,
+     With pliant arm, thy glassy wave?
+     The captive linnet which enthrall?
+     What idle progeny succeed,
+     To chase the rolling circle's speed,
+     Or urge the flying ball?"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      All these would have been, and were, as non-descriptive of him as they
+      would have been of the lord chancellor of England, with a dark brow and
+      commanding mien, determining a cause of the first interest to this
+      country. Added to this, in personal appearance he was most unfavored; and
+      exemplified the Irish definition of an open countenance&mdash;a mouth from
+      ear to ear.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Lord Hinchinbroke, from the earliest period of infancy, had all the marks
+      of the Montagu family. He had a good head, and a red head, and a Roman
+      nose, and a turn to the <i>ars amatoria</i> of Ovid, and all the writers
+      who may have written on love. As it was in the beginning&mdash;may be said
+      now.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Though in point of scholarship he was not in the very first line, the
+      descendant of Lord Sandwich could not but have ability, and he had it; but
+      this was so mixed with the wanderings of the heart, the vivacity of
+      youthful imagination, and a turn to pleasure, that a steady pursuit of any
+      one object of a literary turn could not be expected.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But it was his praise that he went far in a short time; sometimes too far;
+      for Barnard had to exercise himself, and his red right arm, as the
+      vengeful poet expresses it, very frequently on the latter end of his
+      lordship's excursions.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In one of these excursions to Windsor, he had the good or ill fortune to
+      engage in a little amorous amement with a young lady, the consequence of
+      <span class="pagenum">[87]</span> which was an application to Lucina for
+      assistance. Of this doctor Barnard was informed, and though the remedy did
+      not seem tending towards a cure, he was brought up immediately to be
+      flogged.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He bore this better than his master, who cried out, after some few lashes&mdash;"Psha!
+      what signifies my flogging him for being like his father? What's bred in
+      the bone will never get out of the flesh."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Gibbs. Some men are overtaken by the law, and some few overtake it
+      themselves. In this small, but happy number, may be placed the name in
+      question; and a name of better promise, whether of man or boy, can
+      scarcely be found any where.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      At school he was on the foundation; and though amongst the Collegers,
+      where the views of future life, and hope of better days, arising from
+      their own industry, make learning a necessity, yet to that he added the
+      better qualities of genius and talent.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      As a classical scholar, he was admirable in both languages. As a poet, he
+      was natural, ready, and yet distinguished. Amongst the best exercises of
+      the time, his were to be reckoned, and are yet remembered with praise. For
+      the medals given by Sir John Dalrymple for the best Latin poem, he was a
+      candidate; but though his production was publicly read by doctor Forster,
+      and well spoken of, he was obliged to give way to the superiority of
+      another on that occasion.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Describing the winding of the Thames through its banks, it had this
+      beautiful line:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     "<i>Rodit arundineas facili sinuamine ripas&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;</i>"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Perfect as to the picture, and beautiful as to the flowing of the poetry.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He had the good fortune and the good temper to be liked by every body of
+      his own age; and he was not enough found out of bounds, or trespassing
+      against "sacred order," to be disliked by those of greater age who were
+      set over him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[88]</span> After passing through all the different
+      forms at Eton, he was removed to Cambridge; where he distinguished himself
+      not less than at school in trials for different literary honors.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      There he became assistant tutor to Sir Peter Burrell, who then listened to
+      his instructions, and has not since forgotten them.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      As a tutor, he was somewhat young; but the suavity of his manners took
+      away the comparison of equality; and his real knowledge rendered him
+      capable of instructing those who might be even older than himself.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0020" id="image-0020">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page088.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page088 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0012" id="link2H_4_0012">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      APOLLO'S VISIT TO ETON.{1}
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          T'other night, as Apollo was quaffing a gill
+          With his pupils, the Muses, from Helicon's rill,
+          (For all circles of rank in Parnassus agree
+          In preferring cold water to coffee or tea)
+          The discourse turned as usual on critical matters,
+          And the last stirring news from the kingdom of letters.
+          But when poets, and critics, and wits, and what not,
+          From Jeffery and Byron, to Stoddart and Stott,{2}
+          Had received their due portion of consideration,
+          Cried Apollo, "Pray, ladies, how goes education?
+          For I own my poor brain's been so muddled of late,
+          In transacting the greater affairs of the state;
+          And so long every day in the courts I've been stewing,
+          I've had no time to think what the children were doing.
+          There's my favorite Byron my presence inviting,
+          And Milman, and Coleridge, and Moore, have been writing;
+          And my ears at this moment confoundedly tingle,
+          From the squabbling of Blackwood with Cleghorn and Pringle:
+          But as all their disputes seem at length at an end,
+          And the poets my levee have ceased to attend;
+          Since the weather's improving, and lengthen'd the days,
+          For a visit to Eton I'll order my chaise:
+
+     1  This poem, the reader will perceive, is an humble
+     imitation of Leigh Hunt's "Feast of the Poets;" and the
+     lines distinguished by asterisks are borrowed or altered
+     from the original.
+
+     2  A writer in "The Morning Post," mentioned by Lord Byron,
+     in his "English Bards and Scotch Reviewers."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[90]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          There's my sister Diana my day coach to drive,
+          And I'll send the new Canto to keep you alive.
+          So my business all settled, and absence supply'd,
+          For an earthly excursion to-morrow I'll ride."
+          Thus spoke king Apollo; the Muses assented;
+          And the god went to bed most bepraised and contented.
+          'Twas on Saturday morning, near half past eleven,
+          When a god, like a devil,4 came driving from heaven,
+          And with postboys, and footmen, and liveries blazing,
+          Soon set half the country a gaping and gazing.
+          When the carriage drove into the Christopher yard,
+          How the waiters all bustled, and Garraway stared;
+          And the hostlers and boot-catchers wonder'd, and swore
+          "They'd ne'er seen such a start in their lifetime before!"
+          I could tell how, as soon as his chariot drew nigh,
+          Every cloud disappear'd from the face of the sky;
+          And the birds in the hedges more tunefully sung,
+          And the bells in St. George's spontaneously rung;
+          And the people, all seized with divine inspiration,
+          Couldn't talk without rhyming and versification.
+          But such matters, though vastly important, I ween,
+          Are too long for the limits of your magazine.
+
+          Now it soon got abroad that Apollo was come,
+          And intended to be, for that evening, "at home;"
+          And that cards would be issued, and tickets be given,
+          To all scholars and wits, for a dinner at seven.
+          So he'd scarcely sat clown, when a legion came pouring
+          Of would-be-thought scholars, his favor imploring.
+          First, Buller stept in, with a lengthy oration
+          About "scandalous usage," and "hard situation:"
+          And such treatment as never, since Eton was started,
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[91]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Had been shown to a genius, like him, "broken-hearted."
+          He'd " no doubt but his friends in Parnassus must know
+          How his fine declamation was laugh'd at below;
+          And how Keate, like a blockhead ungifted with brains,
+          Had neglected to grant him a prize for his pains.
+          He was sure, if such conduct continued much longer,
+          The school must grow weaker, and indolence stronger;
+          That the rights of sixth form would be laid in the dust,
+          And the school after that, he thought, tumble it must.
+          But he knew that Apollo was learned and wise,
+          And he hoped that his godship would give him a prize;
+          Or, at least, to make up for his mortification,
+          Would invite him to dinner without hesitation."
+          Now Apollo, it seems, had some little pretence
+          To a trifling proportion of wisdom and sense:
+          So without ever asking the spark to be seated,
+          He thus cut short his hopes, and his projects defeated.
+          "After all, Mr. Buller, you've deign'd to repeat,
+          I'm afraid that you'll think me as stupid as Keate:
+          But to wave all disputes on your talents and knowledge,
+          Pray what have you done as the captain of college?
+          Have you patronized learning, or sapping commended?
+          Have you e'er to your fags, or their studies, attended?
+          To the school have you given of merit a sample,
+          And directed by precept, or led by example?"
+
+</pre>
+    <hr />
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          What Apollo said more I'm forbidden to say,
+          But Buller dined not at his table that day.
+          Next, a smart little gentleman march'd with a stare up,
+          A smoothing his neckcloth, and patting his hair up;
+          And with bows and grimaces quadrillers might follow,
+          Said, " he own'd that his face was unknown to Apollo;
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[92]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          But he held in hand what must be his apology,
+          A short treatise he'd written on <i>British Geology</i>;
+          And this journal, he hoped, of his studies last week,
+          In philosophy, chemistry, logic, and Greek,
+          Might appear on perusal: but not to go far
+          In proclaiming his merits&mdash;his name was Tom Carr:
+          And for proofs of his talents, deserts, and what not,
+          He appeal'd to Miss Baillie, Lord Byron, and Scott."
+          Here his speech was cut short by a hubbub below,
+          And in walk'd Messrs. Maturin, Cookesly, and Co.,
+          And begg'd leave to present to his majesty's finger&mdash;
+          If he'd please to accept&mdash;No. 5 of the Linger.{5}
+          Mr. Maturin "hoped he the columns would view
+          With unprejudiced judgment, and give them their due,
+          Nor believe all the lies, which perhaps he had seen,
+          In that vile publication, that base magazine,{6}
+          Which had dared to impeach his most chaste lucubrations,
+          Of obscenity, nonsense, and such accusations.
+          Nay, that impudent work had asserted downright,
+          That chalk differ'd from cheese, and that black wasn't white;
+          But he hoped he might meet with his majesty's favor;"
+          And thus, hemming and hawing, he closed his palaver.
+
+          Now the god condescended to look at the papers,
+          But the first word he found in them gave him the vapours:
+          For the eyes of Apollo, ye gods! 'twas a word
+          Quite unfit to be written, and more to be heard;
+          'Twas a word which a bargeman would tremble to utter,
+          And it put his poor majesty all in a flutter;
+          But collecting his courage, his laurels he shook,
+          And around on the company cast such a look,
+          That e'en Turin and Dumpling slank off to the door,
+          And the Lion was far too much frighten'd to roar;
+
+     5 An Eton periodical of the time.
+
+     6 The College Magazine.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[93]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          While poor Carr was attack'd with such qualms at the breast,
+          That he took up his journal, and fled with the rest.
+
+          When the tumult subsided, and peace 'gan to follow,
+          Goddard enter'd the room, with three cards for Apollo,
+          And some papers which, hardly five minutes before,
+          Three respectable gownsmen had left at the door.
+          With a smile of good humour the god look'd at each,
+          For he found that they came from Blunt, Chapman, and Neech.{7}
+          Blunt sent him a treatise of science profound,
+          Showing how rotten eggs were distinguish'd from sound;
+          Some "Remarks on Debates," and some long-winded stories,
+          Of society Whigs, and society Tories;
+          And six sheets and a half of a sage dissertation,
+          On the present most wicked and dull generation.
+          From Chapman came lectures on Monk, and on piety;
+          On Simeon, and learning, and plays, and sobriety;
+          With most clear illustrations, and critical notes,
+          On his own right exclusive of canvassing votes.
+          From Neech came a medley of prose and of rhyme,
+          Satires, epigrams, sonnets, and sermons sublime;
+          But he'd chosen all customs and rules to reverse,
+          For his satires were prose, and las sermons were verse.
+          Phoebus look'd at the papers, commended all three,
+          And sent word he'd be happy to see them to tea.
+
+          The affairs of the morning thus happily o'er,
+          Phoebus pull'd from his pocket twelve tickets or more,
+          Which the waiters were ordered forthwith to disperse
+          'Mongst the most approved scribblers in prose and in verse:
+          'Mongst the gentlemen honor'd with cards, let me see,
+          There was Howard, and Coleridge, and Wood, and Lavie,
+          The society's props; Curzon, major and minor,
+
+     7 Principal contributors to the Etonian.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[94]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Bowen, Hennicker, Webbe, were invited to dinner:
+          The theologist Buxton, and Petit, were seen,
+          And philosopher Jenyns, and Donald Maclean;
+          Bulteel too, and Dykes; but it happen'd (oh shame!)
+          That, though many were ask'd, very few of them came.
+          As for Coleridge, he "knew not what right Phobus had,
+          d&mdash;n me, To set up for a judge in a christian academy;
+          And he'd not condescend to submit his Latinity,
+          Nor his verses, nor Greek, to a heathen divinity.
+          For his part, he should think his advice an affront,
+          Full as bad as the libels of Chapman and Blunt.
+          He'd no doubt but his dinner might be very good,
+          But he'd not go and taste it&mdash;be d&mdash;d if he would."
+
+          Dean fear'd that his pupils their minds should defile,
+          And Maclean was engaged to the duke of Argyll;
+          In a deep fit of lethargy Petit had sunk,
+          And theologist Buxton with <i>Bishop</i> was drunk;
+          Bulteel too, and Dykes, much against their own will,
+          Had been both pre-engaged to a party to mill;
+          And philosopher Jenyns was bent on his knees,
+          To electrify spiders, and galvanize fleas.
+          But the rest all accepted the god's invitation,
+          And made haste to prepare for this jollification.
+
+          Now the dinner was handsome as dinner could be,
+          But to tell every dish is too tedious for me;
+          Such a task, at the best, would be irksome and long,
+          And, besides, I must haste to the end of my song.
+          'Tis enough to relate that, the better to dine,
+          Jove sent them some nectar, and Bacchus some wine.
+          From Minerva came olives to crown the dessert,
+          And from Helicon water was sent most alert,
+          Of which Howard, 'tis said, drank so long and so deep,
+          That he almost fell into poetical sleep.{8}
+
+          When the cloth was removed, and the bottle went round,
+
+          "Nec fonte labra prolui C'aballino,
+          Nec in bicipiti sommasse Parnasso."
+          Persius.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[95]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Wit, glee, and good humour, began to abound,
+          Though Lord Chesterfield would not have call'd them polite,
+          For they all often burst into laughter outright.
+
+</pre>
+    <hr />
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          But swift flew the moments of rapture and glee,
+          And too early, alas! they were summon'd to tea.
+          With looks most demure, each prepared with a speech,
+          At the table were seated Blunt, Chapman, and Neech.
+          Phobus stopt their orations, with dignity free,
+          And with easy politeness shook hands with all three;
+          And the party proceeded, increased to a host,
+          To discuss bread and butter, tea, coffee, and toast.
+          As their numbers grew larger, more loud grew their mirth,
+          And Apollo from heav'n drew its raptures to earth:
+          With divine inspiration he kindled each mind,
+          Till their wit, like their sugar, grew double refined;
+          And an evening, enliven'd by conviviality,
+          Proved how much they were pleased by the god's hospitality.
+
+          Thalia.{9}
+
+     9 This poem is attributed to J. Moultrie, Esq. of Trinity
+     college, Cambridge.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0021" id="image-0021">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page095.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page095 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0022" id="image-0022">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page096.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page096 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0013" id="link2H_4_0013">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      ETON MONTEM.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Stand by, old Cant, while I admire
+          The young and gay, with souls of fire,
+          Unloose the cheerful heart.
+          Hence with thy puritanic zeal;
+          True virtue is to grant and feel&mdash;
+          A bliss thou'lt ne'er impart.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      I love thee, Montem,&mdash;love thee, by all the brightest recollections
+      of my youth, for the inspiring pleasures which thy triennial pageant
+      revives in my heart: joined with thy merry throng, I can forget the cares
+      and disappointments of the world; and, tripping gaily with the
+      light-hearted, youthful band, cast off the gloom of envy and of worldly
+      pursuit, reassociating myself with the joyous scenes of my boyhood. Nay,
+      more, I hold thee in higher veneration than ever did antiquarian worship
+      the relics of <i>virtu</i>.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0023" id="image-0023">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page097.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page097-th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page097" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /> <span class="pagenum">[97]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Destruction light upon the impious hand that would abridge thy ancient
+      charter;&mdash;be all thy children, father Etona, doubly-armed to defend
+      thy ancient honors;&mdash;let no modern Goth presume to violate thy sacred
+      rights; but to the end of time may future generations retain the spirit of
+      thy present race; and often as the happy period comes, new pleasures wait
+      upon the Eton Montem.{1}
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 The ancient custom, celebrated at Eton every third year,
+     on Whit-Tuesday, and which bears the title of The Montem,
+     appears to have defied antiquarian research, as far as
+     relates to its original institution. It consiste of a
+     procession to a small tumulus on the southern side of the
+     Bath road, which has given the name of Salt-Hill to the
+     spot, now better known by the splendid inns that are
+     established there. The chief object of this celebration,
+     however, is to collect money for salt, according to the
+     language of the day, from all persons who assemble to see
+     the show, nor does it fail to be exacted from travellers on
+     the road, and even at the private residences within a
+     certain, but no inconsiderable, range of the spot. The
+     scholars appointed to collect the money are called <i>salt-
+     bearers</i>; they are arrayed in fancy dresses, and are
+     attended by others called scouts, of a similar, but less
+     showy appearance. Tickets are given to such persons as have
+     paid their contributions, to secure them from any further
+     demand. This ceremony is always very numerously attended by
+     Etonians, and has frequently been honored with the presence
+     of his late Majesty, and the different branches of the Royal
+     Family. The sum collected on the occasion has sometimes
+     exceeded 800L., and is given to the senior scholar, who is
+     called Captain of the School. This procession appears to be
+     coeval with the foundation; and it is the opinion of Mr.
+     Lysons, that it was a ceremonial of the Bairn, or Boy-
+     Bishop. He states, that it originally took place on the 6th
+     of December, the festival of St. Nicholas, the patron of
+     children; being the day on which it was customary at
+     Salisbury, and in other places where the ceremony was
+     observed, to elect the Boy-Bishop from among the children
+     belonging to the cathedral. This mock dignity lasted till
+     Innocents' day; and, during the intermediate time, the boy
+     performed various episcopal functions. If it happened that
+     he died before the allotted period of this extraordinary
+     mummery had expired, he was buried with all the ceremonials
+     which were used at the funerals of prelates. In the
+     voluminous collections relating to antiquities, bequeathed
+     by Mr. Cole, who was himself of Eton and King's colleges, to
+     the British Museum, is a note which
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[98]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     mentions that the ceremony of the Bairn or Boy-Bishop was to
+     be observed by charter, and that Geoffry Blythe, Bishop of
+     Lichfield, who died in 1530, bequeathed several ornaments
+     to those colleges, for the dress of the bairn-bishop. But on
+     what authority this industrious antiquary gives the
+     information, which, if correct, would put an end to all
+     doubt on the subject, does not appear. But, after all, why
+     may not this custom be supposed to have originated in a
+     procession to perform an annual mass at the altar of some
+     saint, to whom a small chapel might have been dedicated on
+     the mount called Salt-Hill; a ceremony very common in
+     Catholic countries, as such an altar is a frequent appendage
+     to their towns and populous villages? As for the selling of
+     salt, it may be considered as a natural accompaniment, when
+     its emblematical character, as to its use in the ceremonies
+     of the Roman Church, is contemplated. Till the time of
+     Doctor Barnard, the procession of the Montem was every two
+     years, and on the first or second Tuesday in February. It
+     consisted of something of a military array. The boys in the
+     remove, fourth, and inferior forms, marched in a long file
+     of two and two, with white poles in their hands, while the
+     sixth and fifth form boys walked on their flanks as
+     officers, and habited in all the variety of dress, each of
+     them having a boy of the inferior forms, smartly equipped,
+     attending on him as a footman. The second boy in the school
+     led the procession in a military dress, with a truncheon in
+     his hand, and bore for the day the title of Marshal: then
+     followed the Captain, supported by his Chaplain, the head
+     scholar of the fifth form, dressed in a suit of black, with
+     a large bushy wig, and a broad beaver decorated with a
+     twisted silk hatband and rose, the fashionable distinction
+     of the dignified clergy of that day. It was his office to
+     read certain Latin prayers on the mount at Salt-Hill The
+     third boy of the school brought up the rear as Lieutenant.
+     One of the higher classes, whose qualification was his
+     activity, was chosen Ensign, and carried the colours, which
+     were emblazoned with the college arms, and the motto, <i>Pro
+     mort el monte</i>. This flag, before the procession left the
+     college, he flourished in the school-yard with all the
+     dexterity displayed at Astley's and places of similar
+     exhibition. The same ceremony was repeated after prayers, on
+     the mount. The regiment dined in the inns at Salt-Hill, and
+     then returned to the college; and its dismission in the
+     school-yard was announced by the universal drawing of all
+     the swords. Those who bore the title of commissioned
+     officers were exclusively on the foundation, and carried
+     spontoons; the rest were considered as Serjeants and
+     corporals, and a most curious assemblage of figures they
+     exhibited. The two principal salt-bearers consisted of an
+     oppidan and a colleger: the former was generally some
+     nobleman, whose figure and personal connexions might advance
+     the interests of the collections. They were dressed like
+     running footmen, and carried, each of them, a silk bag to
+     receive the contributions, in which was a small quantity of
+     salt. During Doctor Barnard's mastership, the ceremony was
+     made triennial, the time changed from February to Whit-
+     Tuesday, and several of its absurdities retrenched. An
+     ancient and savage custom of hunting a ram by the foundation
+     scholars, on Saturday in the election week, was abolished in
+     the earlier part of the last century. The curious twisted
+     clubs with which these collegiate hunters were armed on the
+     occasion are still to be seen in antiquarian collections.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[99]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      What coronation, tournament, or courtly pageant, can outshine thy splendid
+      innocence and delightful gaiety? what regal banquet yields half the pure
+      enjoyment the sons of old Etona experience, when, after months of busy
+      preparation, the happy morn arrives ushered in with the inspiring notes of
+      "<i>Auld lang syne</i>" from the well-chosen band in the college
+      breakfast-room? Then, too, the crowds of admiring spectators, the angel
+      host of captivating beauties with their starry orbs of light, and
+      luxuriant tresses, curling in playful elegance around a face beaming with
+      divinity, or falling in admired negligence over bosoms of alabastrine
+      whiteness and unspotted purity within! Grey-bearded wisdom and the
+      peerless great, the stars of honor in the field and state, the pulpit and
+      the bar, send forth their brightest ornaments to grace Etona's holiday.
+      Oxford and Cambridge, too, lend their classic aid, and many a grateful son
+      of <i>Alma Mater</i> returns to acknowledge his obligations to his early
+      tutors and swell the number of the mirthful host. Here may be seen,
+      concentrated in the quadrangle, the costume of every nation, in all the
+      gay variety that fancy can devise: the Persian spangled robe, and the
+      embroidered Greek vest; the graceful Spanish, and the picturesque Italian,
+      the Roman toga and the tunic, and the rich old English suit. Pages in red
+      frocks, and marshals in their satin <span class="pagenum">[100]</span>
+      doublets; white wands and splendid turbans, plumes, and velvet hats, all
+      hastening with a ready zeal to obey the call of the muster-roll. The
+      captain with his retinue retires to pay his court to the provost; while,
+      in the doctor's study, may be seen, gathered around the dignitary, a few
+      of those great names who honor Eton and owe their honor to her classic
+      tutors. Twelve o'clock strikes, and the procession is now marshalled in
+      the quadrangle in sight of the privileged circle, princes, dukes, peers,
+      and doctors with their ladies. Here does the ensign first display his
+      skill in public, and the Montem banner is flourished in horizontal
+      revolutions about the head and waist with every grace of elegance and ease
+      which the result of three months' practice and no little strength can
+      accomplish.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Twelve o'clock strikes, and the procession moves forward to the playing
+      fields on its route to Salt-Hill. Now look the venerable spires and
+      antique towers of Eton like to some chieftain's baronial castle in the
+      feudal times, and the proud captain represents the hero marching forth at
+      the head of his parti-coloured vassals!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The gallant display of rank and fashion and beauty follow in their
+      splendid equipages by slow progressive movement, like the delightful
+      lingering, inch by inch approach to St. James's palace on a full
+      court-day. The place itself is calculated to impress the mind with
+      sentiments of veneration and of heart-moving reminiscences; seated in the
+      bosom of one of the richest landscapes in the kingdom, where on the height
+      majestic Windsor lifts its royal brow; calmly magnificent, over-looking,
+      from his round tower, the surrounding country, and waving his kingly
+      banner in the air: 'tis the high court of English chivalry, the
+      birth-place, the residence, and the mausoleum of her kings, and "i' the
+      olden time," the prison of her captured monarchs. "At once, the
+      sovereign's and <span class="pagenum">[101]</span> the muses' seat," rich
+      beyond almost any other district in palaces, and fanes, and villas, in all
+      the "pomp of patriarchal forests," and gently-swelling hills, and noble
+      streams, and waving harvests; there Denham wrote, and Pope breathed the
+      soft note of pastoral inspiration; and there too the immortal bard of Avon
+      chose the scene in which to wind the snares of love around his
+      fat-encumbered knight. Who can visit the spot without thinking of Datchet
+      mead and the buck-basket of sweet Anne Page and Master Slender, and mine
+      host of the Garter, and all the rest of that merry, intriguing crew? And
+      now having reached the foot of the mount and old druidical barrow, the
+      flag is again waved amid the cheers of the surrounding thousands who line
+      its sides, and in their carriages environ its ancient base.{2} Now the
+      salt-bearers and the pages bank their collections in one common stock, and
+      the juvenile band partake of the captain's banquet, and drink success to
+      his future prospects in Botham's port. Then, too, old Herbertus Stockhore&mdash;he
+      must not be forgotten; I have already introduced him to your notice in p.
+      59, and my friend Bob Transit has illustrated the sketch with his
+      portrait; yet here he demands notice in his official character, and
+      perhaps I cannot do better than quote the humorous account given of him by
+      the elegant pen of an old Etonian {3}
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Who is that buffoon that travesties the travesty? Who is that old cripple
+      alighted from his donkey-cart, who dispenses doggrel and grimaces in all
+      the glory of plush and printed calico?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "That, my most noble cynic, is a prodigious personage. Shall birth-days
+      and coronations be recorded in immortal odes, and Montem not have its
+      minstrel 1 He, sir, is Herbertus Stockhore; who first called upon his muse
+      in the good old days of Paul Whitehead,&mdash;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     2 See plate of the Montem, sketched on the spot.
+
+     3 See Knight's Quarterly Magazine, No. II.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[102]</span> run a race with Pye through all the
+      sublimities of lyres and fires,&mdash;and is now hobbling to his grave,
+      after having sung fourteen Montems, the only existing example of a
+      legitimate laureate.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "He ascended his heaven of invention, before the vulgar arts of reading
+      and writing, which are banishing all poetry from the world, could clip his
+      wings. He was an adventurous soldier in his boyhood; but, having addicted
+      himself to matrimony and the muses, settled as a bricklayer's labourer at
+      Windsor. His meditations on the house-tops soon grew into form and
+      substance; and, about the year 1780, he aspired, with all the impudence of
+      Shad well, and a little of the pride of Petrarch, to the laurel-crown of
+      Eton. From that day he has worn his honors on his 'Cibberian forehead'
+      without a rival."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "And what is his style of composition?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Vastly naïve and original;&mdash;though the character of the age is
+      sometimes impressed upon his productions. For the first three odes, ere
+      the school of Pope was extinct, he was a compiler of regular couplets such
+      as&mdash;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'Ye dames of honor and lords of high renown,
+          Who come to visit us at Eton town.'"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      During the next nine years, when the remembrance of Collins and Gray was
+      working a glorious change in the popular mind, he ascended to Pindarics,
+      and closed his lyrics with some such pious invocation as this:&mdash;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'And now we'll sing
+          God save the king,
+
+          And send him long to reign,
+          That he may come
+          To have some fun
+          At Montem once again. '
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      During the first twelve years of the present century, the influence of the
+      Lake school was visible in his <span class="pagenum">[103]</span>
+      productions. In my great work I shall give an elaborate dissertation on
+      his imitations of the high-priests of that worship; but I must now content
+      myself with a single illustration:&mdash;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'There's ensign Ronnell, tall and proud,
+          Doth stand upon the hill,
+          And waves the flag to all the crowd,
+          Who much admire his skill.
+          And here I sit upon my ass,
+          Who lops his shaggy ears;
+          Mild thing! he lets the gentry pass,
+          Nor heeds the carriages and peel's.'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      He was once infected (but it was a venial sin) by the heresies of the
+      cockney school; and was betrayed, by the contagion of evil example, into
+      the following conceits:
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      'Behold admiral Keato of the terrestrial crew, Who teaches Greek, Latin,
+      and likewise Hebrew; He has taught Captain Dampier, the first in the race,
+      Swirling his hat with a feathery grace, Cookson the marshal, and
+      Willoughby, of size, Making minor serjeant-majors in looking-glass eyes.'
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But he at length returned to his own pure and original style; and, like
+      the dying swan, he sings the sweeter as he is approaching the land where
+      the voice of his minstrelsy shall no more be heard. There is a calm
+      melancholy in the close of his present ode which is very pathetic, and
+      almost Shakspearian:&mdash;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+         'Farewell you gay and happy throng!
+          Farewell my muse! farewell my song!
+          Farewell Salt-hill! farewell brave captain.'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Yet, may it be long before he goes hence and is no more seen! May he limp,
+      like his rhymes, for at least a dozen years; for National schools have
+      utterly annihilated our hopes of a successor!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "I will not attempt to reason with you," said the inquirer, "about the
+      pleasures of Montem;&mdash;but to an <span class="pagenum">[104]</span>
+      Etonian it is enough that it brings pure and ennobling recollections&mdash;calls
+      up associations of hope and happiness&mdash;and makes even the wise feel
+      that there is something better than wisdom, and the great that there is
+      something nobler than greatness. And then the faces that come about us at
+      such a time, with their tales of old friendships or generous rivalries. I
+      have seen to-day fifty fellows of whom I remember only the nick-names;&mdash;they
+      are now degenerated into scheming M.P.'s, or clever lawyers, or portly
+      doctors; -but at Montera they leave the plodding world of reality for one
+      day, and regain the dignities of sixth-form Etonians." {4}
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     4 To enumerate all the distinguished persons educated at
+     Eton would be no easy task; many of the greatest ornaments
+     of our country have laid the foundation of all their
+     literary and scientific wealth within the towers of this
+     venerable edifice. Bishops Fleetwood and Pearson, the
+     learned John Hales, Dr. Stanhope, Sir Robert Walpole, the
+     great Earl Camden, Outred the mathematician, Boyle the
+     philosopher, Waller the poet, the illustrious Earl of
+     Chatham, Lord Lyttelton, Gray the poet, and an endless list
+     of shining characters have owned Eton for their scholastic
+     nursery: not to mention the various existing literati who
+     have received their education at this celebrated college.
+     The local situation of Eton is romantic and pleasing; there
+     is a monastic gloom about the building, finely contrasting
+     with the beauty of the surrounding scenery, which
+     irresistibly enchains the eye and heart.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0024" id="image-0024">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page105.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page105 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[105]</span> <a name="link2H_4_0014"
+      id="link2H_4_0014">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      FAREWELL TO ETON.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      Horatio had just concluded the last sentence of the description of the
+      Eton Montem, when my aunt, who had now exceeded her usual retiring time by
+      at least half an hour, made a sudden start, upon hearing the chimes of the
+      old castle clock proclaim a notice of the midnight hour. "Heavens! boy,"
+      said Lady Mary Oldstyle, "what rakes we are! I believe we must abandon all
+      intention of inviting your friend Bernard here; for should his
+      conversation prove half as entertaining as these miscellaneous whims and
+      scraps of his early years, we should, I fear, often encroach upon the
+      midnight lamp." "You forget, aunt," replied Horatio, "that the swallow has
+      already commenced his spring habitation beneath the housings of our
+      bed-room window, that the long summer evenings will soon be here, and then
+      how delightful would be the society of an intelligent friend to accompany
+      us in our evening perambulations through the park, to chat away half an
+      hour with in the hermitage, or to hold converse on your favourite subject
+      botany, and run through all the varieties of the <i>camelia japonica</i>,
+      or the <i>magnolia fuscata</i>; then too, I will confess, my own
+      selfishness in the proposition, the pleasure of my friend's company in my
+      fishing excursions, would divest my favourite amusement of its solitary
+      character." <span class="pagenum">[106]</span> My aunt nodded assent, drew
+      the cowl of her ancient silk cloak over the back part of her head, and,
+      with a half-closed eye, muttered out, in tones of sympathy, her fullest
+      accordance in the proposed arrangement. "I have only one more trifle to
+      read," said Horatio, "before I conclude the history of our school-boy
+      days." "We had better have the bed-candles," said my aunt. "You had better
+      hear the conclusion, aunt," said Horatio, "and then we can commence the
+      English Spy with the evening of to-morrow." My aunt wanted but little
+      excitement to accede to the request, and that little was much exceeded in
+      the promise of Horatio's reading Bernard's new work on the succeeding
+      evening, when she had calculated on being left in solitary singleness by
+      her nephew's visit to the county ball. "You must know, aunt," said
+      Horatio, "that it has been a custom, from time immemorial at Eton, for
+      every scholar to write a farewell ode on his leaving, which is presented
+      to the head master, and is called a Vale; in addition, some of the most
+      distinguished characters employ first-rate artists to paint their
+      portraits, which, as a tribute of respect, they present to the principal.
+      Dr. Barnard had nearly a hundred of these grateful faces hanging in his
+      sanctum sanctorum, and the present master bids fair to rival his learned
+      and respected predecessor. <span class="pagenum">[107]</span> My friend's
+      Vale, like every other production of his pen, is marked by the
+      distinguishing characteristic eccentricity of his mind. The idea, I
+      suspect, was suggested by the Earl of Carlisle's elegant verses, to which
+      he has previously alluded; you will perceive he has again touched upon the
+      peculiarities of his associates, the <i>dramatis persono</i> of 'the
+      English Spy,' and endeavoured, in prophetic verse, to unfold the secrets
+      of futurity, as it relates to their dispositions, prospects, and pursuits
+      in life."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0025" id="image-0025">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page107.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page107 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0015" id="link2H_4_0015">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      MY VALE.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          In infancy oft' by observance we trace
+          What life's future page may unfold;
+          Who the senate, the bar, or the pulpit may grace,
+
+          Who'll obtain wreathe of fame or of gold.
+          My Vale, should my muse prove but willing and free,
+
+          Parting sorrows to chase from my brain,
+          Shall in metre prophetic, on some two or three,
+
+          Indulge in her whimsical vein.
+          First Keate let me give to thy talents and worth,
+
+          A tribute that all will approve;
+          When Atropos shall sever thy life's thread on earth
+
+          Thou shalt fall rich in honor and love.
+          Revered as respected thy memory last,
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[108]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Long, long, as Etona is known,
+          Engraved on the hearts of thy scholars, the blast
+
+          Of detraction ne'er sully thy stone.
+          Others too I could name and as worthy of note,
+
+          But my Vale 'twould too lengthy extend:
+          Sage <i>Domine</i> all,&mdash;all deserving my vote,
+          Who the tutor combine with the friend.
+          But a truce with these ancients, the young I must seek,
+
+          The juvenile friends of my heart,
+          Of secrets hid in futurity speak,
+
+          And tell how they'll each play their part.
+          First Heartly, the warmth of thy generous heart
+
+          Shall expand with maturity's years;
+          New joys to the ag'd and the poor thou'lt impart,
+
+          And dry up pale Misery's tears.
+          Next honest Tom Echo, the giddy and gay,
+
+          In sports shall all others excel;
+          And the sound of his horn, with "Ho! boys, hark&mdash;away!"
+          Re-echo his worth through life's dell.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[109]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Horace Eglantine deep at Pierian spring
+          Inspiration poetic shall quaff,
+          In numbers majestic with Shakespeare to sing,
+
+          Or in Lyrics with Pindar to laugh.
+          Little Gradus, sage Dick, you'll a senator see,
+
+          But a lawyer in every sense,
+          Whose personal interest must paramount be,
+
+          No matter whate'er his pretence.
+          The exquisite Lilyman Lionise mark,
+
+          Of fashion the fool and the sport;
+          With the gamesters a dupe, he shall drop like a spark,
+
+          Forgot by the blaze of the court.
+          Bob Transit,&mdash;if prudent, respected and rich
+
+          By his talent shall rise into note;
+          And in Fame's honor'd temple be sure of a niche,
+
+          By each R.A.'s unanimous vote.
+          Bernard Blackmantle's fortune alone is in doubt,
+
+          For prophets ne'er tell of themselves;
+          But one thing his heart has a long time found out,
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[110]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'Tis his love for Etonian elves.
+          For the college, and dames, and the dear playing fields
+
+          Where science and friendship preside,
+          For the spot which the balm of true happiness yields,
+
+          As each day by its fellow doth glide.
+          Adieu, honor'd masters! kind dames, fare thee well!
+
+          Ye light-hearted spirits adieu!
+          How feeble my Vale&mdash;my griev'd feelings to tell
+          As Etona declines from my view.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <br /> <a name="image-0026" id="image-0026"></a> <br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img alt="page109 (28K)" src="images/page109.jpg" width="100%" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /> <a name="image-0027" id="image-0027">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page110.jpg" alt="Page110" width="100%" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[112]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "Men are my subject, and not fictions vain;
+          Oxford my chaunt, and satire is my strain."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0028" id="image-0028">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page112.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page112-th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page112" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /> <a name="link2H_4_0016" id="link2H_4_0016">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      FIVE CHARACTERISTIC ORDERS OF OXFORD.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0029" id="image-0029">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page113.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page113 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[113]</span> <a name="link2H_4_0017"
+      id="link2H_4_0017">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE FRESHMAN.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Reflections on leaving Eton&mdash;A University Whip&mdash;Sketches on
+     the Road&mdash;The Joneses of Jesus&mdash;Picturesque Appearance of
+     Oxford from the Distance&mdash;The Arrival&mdash;Welcome of an Old
+     Etonian&mdash;Visit to Dr. Dingyman&mdash;A University Don&mdash;
+     Presentation to the Big Wig&mdash;Ceremony of Matriculation.
+
+          "Yes; if there be one sacred scene of ease,
+          Where reason yet may dawn, and virtue please;
+          Where ancient science bursts again to view
+          With mightier truths, which Athens never knew,
+          One spot to order, peace, religion dear;
+          Rise, honest pride, nor blush to claim it here."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Who shall attempt to describe the sensations of a young and ardent mind
+      just bursting from the trammels of scholastic discipline to breathe the
+      purer air of classic freedom&mdash;to leap at once from <span
+      class="pagenum">[114]</span> boyhood and subjection into maturity and
+      unrestricted liberty of conduct; or who can paint the heart's agitation,
+      the conflicting passions which prevail when the important moment arrives
+      that is to separate him from the associates of his infancy; from the
+      endearing friendships of his earliest years; from his schoolboy sports and
+      pastimes (often the most grateful recollections of a riper period); or
+      from those ancient spires and familiar scenes to which his heart is wedded
+      in its purest and earliest love.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Reader, if you have ever tasted of the delightful cup of youthful
+      friendship, and pressed with all the glow of early and sincere attachment
+      the venerable hand of a kind instructor, or met the wistful eye and hearty
+      grasp of parting schoolfellows, and ancient dames, and obliging servants,
+      you will easily discover how embarrassing a task it must be to depict in
+      words the agitating sensations which at such a moment spread their varied
+      influence over the mind. I had taken care to secure the box seat of the
+      old Oxford, that on my approach I might enjoy an uninterrupted view of the
+      classic turrets and lofty spires of sacred {Academus}. Contemplation had
+      fixed his seal upon my young lips for the first ten miles of my journey.
+      Abstracted and thoughtful, I had scarce turned my eye to admire the
+      beauties of the surrounding scenery, or lent my ear to the busy hum of my
+      fellow passengers' conversation, when a sudden action of the coach, which
+      produced a sensation of alarm, first broke the gloomy mist that had
+      encompassed me. After my fears had subsided, I inquired of the coachman
+      what was the name of the place we had arrived at, and was answered
+      Henley.-"Stony Henley, sir," said our driver: "you might have discovered
+      that by the <i>bit of a shake</i> we just now experienced. I'll bet a <i>bullfinch</i>{1}
+      that you know the place well enough, my young master, before you've been
+      two terms at Oxford."
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 A sovereign.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[115]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This familiarity of style struck me as deserving reprehension; but I
+      reflected this classic Jehu was perhaps licensed by the light-hearted sons
+      of <i>Alma Mater</i> in these liberties of speech. Suspending therefore my
+      indignation, I proceeded,&mdash;"And why so?" said I inquisitively:&mdash;"Why
+      I know when I was an under graduate{2} of &mdash;&mdash;, where my father
+      was principal, I used to keep a good <i>prad</i> here for a bolt to the
+      village,{3} and then I had a fresh hack always on the road to help me back
+      to chapel prayers."{4} The nonchalance of the speaker, and the easy
+      indifference with which he alluded to his former situation in life, struck
+      me with astonishment, and created a curiosity to know more of his
+      adventures; he had, I found, brought himself to his present degradation by
+      a passion for gaming and driving, which had usurped every just and moral
+      feeling. His father, I have since learned, felt his conduct deeply, and
+      had been dead some time. His venerable mother having advanced him all her
+      remaining property, was now reduced to a dependence upon the benevolence
+      of a few liberal-minded Oxford friends, and this son of the once
+      celebrated head of&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;college was now so lost to
+      every sense of shame that he preferred the Oxford road to exhibit himself
+      on in his new character of a {university whip}.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     2  The circumstances here narrated are unfortunately too
+     notorious to require further explanation: the character,
+     drawn from the life, forms the vignette to this chapter.
+
+     3  A cant phrase for a stolen run to the metropolis. No
+     unusual circumstance with a gay Oxonian, some of whom have
+     been known to ride the same horse the whole distance and
+     back again after prayers, and before daylight the next
+     morning.
+
+     4  When (to use the Oxford phrase) a man is confined to
+     chapel, or compelled to attend chapel prayers, it is a
+     dangerous risk to be missing,&mdash;a severe imposition and
+     sometimes rustication is sure to be the penalty.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[116]</span> Immediately behind me on the roof of
+      the vehicle sat a rosy-looking little gentleman, the rotundity of whose
+      figure proclaimed him a man of some substance; he was habited in a suit of
+      clerical mixture, with the true orthodox hat and rosette in front, the
+      broadness of its brim serving to throw a fine mellow shadow over the upper
+      part of a countenance, which would have formed a choice study for the
+      luxuriant pencil of some modern Rubens; the eyes were partially obscured
+      in the deep recesses of an overhanging brow, and a high fat cheek, and the
+      whole figure brought to my recollection a representation I had somewhere
+      seen of Silenus reproving his Bacchanals: the picture was the more
+      striking by the contrasted subjects it was opposed to: on one side was a
+      spare-looking stripling, of about the age of eighteen, with lank hair
+      brushed smoothly over his forehead, and a demure, half-idiot-looking
+      countenance, that seemed to catch what little expression it had from the
+      reflection of its sire, for such I discovered was the ancient's affinity
+      to this cadaverous importation from North Wales. The father, a Welsh
+      rector of at least one hundred and fifty pounds per annum, was conveying
+      his eldest born to the care of the principal of Jesus, of which college
+      the family of the Joneses{5} had been a leading name since the time of
+      their great ancestor Hugh ap Price, son of Rees ap Rees, a wealthy burgess
+      of Brecknock, who founded this college for the sole use of the sons of
+      Cambria, in 1571.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     5 DAVID JONES OR, WINE AND WORSTED.
+
+          Hugh Morgan, cousin of that Hugh
+          Whose cousin was, the Lord knows who,
+          Was likewise, as the story runs,
+          Tenth cousin of one David Jones.
+          David, well stored with classic knowledge,
+          Was sent betimes to Jesus College;
+          Paternal bounty left him clear
+          For life one hundred pounds a year;
+          And Jones was deem'd another Croesus
+          Among the Commoners of Jesus.
+          It boots not here to quote tradition,
+          In proof of David's erudition;&mdash;
+          He could unfold the mystery high,
+          Of Paulo-posts, and verbs in u;
+          Scan Virgil, and, in mathematics,
+          Prove that straight lines were not quadratics.
+          All Oxford hail'd the youth's <i>ingressus</i>,
+          And wond'ring Welshmen cried "Cot pless us!"
+          It happen'd that his cousin Hugh
+          Through Oxford pass'd, to Cambria due,
+          And from his erudite relation
+          Receiv'd a written invitation.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[117]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Hugh to the college gate repair'd,
+          And ask'd for Jones;&mdash;the porter stared!
+          "Jones! Sir," quoth he, "discriminate:
+          Of Mr. Joneses there be eight."
+          "Ay, but 'tis David Jones," quoth Hugh;
+          Quoth porter, "We've six Davids too."
+          "Cot's flesh!" cries Morgan, "cease your mockings,
+          My David Jones wears worsted stockings!"
+          Quoth porter, "Which it is, Heaven knows,
+          For all the eight wear worsted hose."
+          "My Cot!" says Hugh, "I'm ask'd to dine
+          With cousin Jones, and quaff his wine."
+          "That one word 'wine' is worth a dozen,"
+          Quoth porter, "now I know your cousin;
+          The wine has stood you, sir, in more stead
+          Than David, or the hose of worsted;
+          You'll find your friend at number nine&mdash;
+          We've but one Jones that quaffs his wine."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      All these particulars I gleaned from the rapid delivery of the Welsh
+      rector, who betrayed no little anxiety to discover if I was of the
+      university; how long I had been matriculated; what was my opinion of the
+      schools, and above all, if the same system of extravagance was pursued by
+      the students, and under-graduates. Too cautious to confess myself a
+      freshman, I was therefore compelled to close the inquiry with a simple
+      negative to his early questions, and an avowal of my ignorance in the last
+      particular. The deficiency was, however, readily supplied by an old
+      gentleman, who sat on the other side of the reverend Mr. Jones. I had
+      taken <span class="pagenum">[118]</span> him, in the first instance, for a
+      doctor of laws, physic, or divinity, by the studied neatness of his dress,
+      the powdered head, and ancient appendage of a <i>queue</i>; with a
+      measured manner of delivery, joined to an affected solemnity of carriage,
+      and authoritative style. He knew every body, from the Vice-Chancellor to
+      the scout; ran through a long tirade against driving and drinking, which
+      he described as the capital sins of the sons of <i>Alma Mater</i>,
+      complimented the old rector on his choice of a college for his son, and
+      concluded with lamenting the great extravagance of the young men of the
+      present day, whose affection for long credit compelled honest tradesmen to
+      make out long bills to meet the loss of interest they sustain by dunning
+      and delay. "Observe, sir," said he,
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "The youth of England in our happy age!
+          See, to their view what varied pleasure springs,
+          Cards, tennis, hilliards, and ten thousand things;
+          'Tis theirs the coat with neater grace to wear,
+          Or tie the neckcloth with a royal air:
+          The rapid race of wild expense to run;
+          To drive the tandem or the chaise and one;
+          To float along the Isis, or to fly
+          In haste to Abingdon,&mdash;who knows not why?
+          To gaze in shops, and saunter hours away
+          In raising bills, they never think to pay:
+          Then deep carouse, and raise their glee the more,
+          While angry duns assault th' unheeding door,
+          And feed the best old man that ever trod,
+          The merry poacher who defies his God."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      "You forget the long purses, Sir E&mdash;," said our classical Jehu,
+      "which some of the Oxford tradesmen have acquired by these long practices
+      of the university, Sir E&mdash;." The little Welsh rector bowed with
+      astonishment, while his rustic scion stared with wild alarm to find
+      himself for the first time in his life in company with a man of title. A
+      wink from coachee accompanied with an action of his <i>rein angle</i>
+      against my side, followed by a suppressed laugh, prepared me <span
+      class="pagenum">[119]</span> for some important communications relative to
+      my fellow traveller. "An old <i>snyder</i>,"{6} whispered Jehu, "who was
+      once mayor of Oxford, and they do say was knighted by mistake,&mdash;' a
+      thing of shreds and patches,'
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'Who, by short skirts and little capes,
+          Items for buckram, twist, and tapes, '
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      has, in his time, fine drawn half the university; but having retired from
+      the seat of trade, now seeks the seat of the Muses, and writes fustian
+      rhymes and bell-men's odes at Christmas time: a mere clod, but a great man
+      with the corporation."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We had now arrived on the heights within a short distance of the city of
+      Oxford, and I had the gratification for the first time to obtain a glance
+      of sacred <i>Academus</i> peeping from between the elm groves in which she
+      is embowered, to view those turrets which were to be the future scene of
+      all my hopes and fears. Never shall I forget the sensations,
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "&mdash;&mdash;When first these glistening eyes survey'd
+          Majestic Oxford's hundred towers display'd;
+          And silver Isis rolling at her feet
+          Adorn the sage's and the poet's seat:
+          Saw Radcliffe's dome in classic beauty rear'd,
+          And learning's stores in Bodley's pile revered;
+          First view'd, with humble awe, the steps that stray'd
+          Slow in the gloom of academic shade,
+          Or framed in thought, with fancy's magic wand,
+          Wise Bacon's arch; thy bower, fair Rosamond."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      In the bosom of a delightful valley, surrounded by the most luxuriant
+      meadows, and environed by gently swelling hills, smiling in all the pride
+      of cultivated beauty, on every side diversified by hanging wood, stands
+      the fair city of learning and the arts. The two great roads from the
+      capital converge upon the small church of St. Clement, in the eastern
+      suburb, from whence, advancing in a westerly direction, you <span
+      class="pagenum">[120]</span> arrive at Magdalen bridge, so named from the
+      college adjoining, whose lofty graceful tower is considered a fine
+      specimen of architecture. The prospect of the city from this point is
+      singularly grand and captivating; on the left, the botanical garden, with
+      its handsome portal; beyond, steeples and towers of every varied form
+      shooting up in different degrees of elevation. The view of the High-street
+      is magnificent, and must impress the youthful mind with sentiments of awe
+      and veneration. Its picturesque curve and expansive width, the noble
+      assemblage of public and private edifices in all the pride of varied art,
+      not rising in splendid uniformity, but producing an enchantingly varied
+      whole, the entire perspective of which admits of no European rival&mdash;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "The awful tow'rs which seem for science made;
+          The solemn chapels, which to prayer invite,
+          Whose storied windows shed a holy light&mdash;"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      the colleges of Queen's and All Souls', with the churches of St. Mary and
+      All Saints' on the northern side of the street, and the venerable front of
+      University College on the south, present at every step objects for
+      contemplation and delight. Whirling up this graceful curvature, we
+      alighted at the Mitre, an inn in the front of the High-street, inclining
+      towards Carfax. A number of under graduates in their academicals were
+      posted round the door, or lounging on the opposite side, to watch the
+      arrival of the coach, and amuse themselves with quizzing the passengers.
+      Among the foremost of the group, and not the least active, was my old
+      schoolfellow and con, Tom Echo, now of Christ Church. The recognition was
+      instantaneous; the welcome a hearty one, in the true Etonian style; and
+      the first connected sentence an invitation to dinner. "I shall make a
+      party on purpose to introduce you, old chap," said Tom, "that is, <span
+      class="pagenum">[121]</span> as soon as you have made your bow to the <i>big
+      wig</i>:{7} but I say, old fellow, where are you entered 1 we are most of
+      us overflowingly full here." I quickly satisfied his curiosity upon that
+      point, by informing him I had been for some time enrolled upon the list of
+      the foundation of Brazennose, and had received orders to come up and enter
+      myself. Our conversation now turned upon the necessary ceremonies of
+      matriculation.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Tom's face was enlivened to a degree when I showed him my letter of
+      introduction to Dr. Dingyman, of L-n college. "What, the opposition
+      member, the Oxford Palladio? Why, you might just as well expect to move
+      the Temple of the Winds from Athens to Oxford, without displacing a
+      fragment, as to hope the doctor will present you to the vice-chancellor.&mdash;It
+      won't do. We must find you some more tractable personage; some
+      good-humoured nob that stands well with the principals, tells funny
+      stories to their ladies, and drinks his three bottles like a true son of
+      orthodoxy." "For Heaven's sake! my dear fellow, if you do not wish to be
+      pointed at, booked for an eccentric, or suspected of being profound,
+      abandon all intention of being introduced through that medium. A first
+      interview with that singular man will produce an examination that would
+      far exceed the perils of the <i>great go</i>{8}-he will try your
+      proficiency by the chart and scale of truth." "Be that as it may, Tom,"
+      said I, not a little alarmed by the account I had heard of the person to
+      whom I was to owe my first introduction to alma mater, "I shall make the
+      attempt; and should I fail, I shall yet hope to avail myself of your
+      proffered kindness."
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     7  A BIG WIG. Head of a college.
+        A DON. A learned man.
+        A NOB. A fellow of a college.
+
+     8  The principal examining school.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[122]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      After partaking of some refreshment, and adjusting my dress, we sallied
+      forth to lionise, as Tom called it, which is the Oxford term for gazing
+      about, usually applied to strangers. Proceeding a little way along the
+      high street from the Mitre, and turning up the first opening on our left
+      hand, we stood before the gateway of Lincoln college. Here Tom shook
+      hands, wished me a safe passport through what he was pleased to term the "<i>Oxonia
+      purgata</i>" and left me, after receiving my promise to join the dinner
+      party at Christ Church.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      I had never felt so awkwardly in my life before: the apprehensions I was
+      under of a severe examination; the difficulty of encountering a man whose
+      superior learning and endowments of mind had rendered him the envy of the
+      University, and above all, his reputed eccentricity of manners, created
+      fears that almost palsied my tongue when I approached the hall to announce
+      my arrival. If my ideas of the person had thus confounded me, my terrors
+      were doubly increased upon entering his chamber: shelves groaning with
+      ponderous folios and quartos of the most esteemed Latin and Greek authors,
+      fragments of Grecian and Roman architecture, were disposed around the
+      room; on the table lay a copy of Stuart's Athens, with a portfolio of
+      drawings from Palladio and Vitruvius, and Pozzo's perspective. In a moment
+      the doctor entered, and, advancing towards me, seized my hand before I
+      could scarcely articulate my respects. "I am glad to see you&mdash;be
+      seated&mdash;you are of Eton, I read, an ancient name and highly respected
+      here&mdash;what works have you been lately reading?" I immediately ran
+      through the list of our best school classics, at which I perceived the
+      doctor smiled. "You have been treated, I perceive, like all who have
+      preceded you: the bigotry of scholastic prejudices is intolerable. I have
+      been for fifty years labouring to remove the veil, and have yet contrived
+      <span class="pagenum">[123]</span> to raise only one corner of it.
+      Nothing," continued the doctor, "has stinted the growth and hindered the
+      improvement of sound learning more than a superstitious reverence for the
+      ancients; by which it is presumed that their works form the summit of all
+      learning, and that nothing can be added to their discoveries. Under this
+      absurd and ridiculous prejudice, all the universities of Europe have
+      laboured for many years, and are only just beginning to see their error,
+      by the encouragement of natural philosophy. Experimental learning is the
+      only mode by which the juvenile mind should be trained and exercised, in
+      order to bring all its faculties to their proper action: instead of being
+      involved in the mists of antiquity." Can it be possible, thought I, this
+      is the person of whom my friend Tom gave such a curious account? Can this
+      be the man who is described as a being always buried in abstracted
+      thoughtfulness on the architer cural remains of antiquity, whose opinions
+      are said never to harmonize with those of other heads of colleges; who is
+      described as eccentric, because he has a singular veneration for truth,
+      and an utter abhorrence of the dogmas of scholastic prejudice 1 There are
+      some few characters in the most elevated situations of life, who possess
+      the amiable secret of attaching every one to them who have the honour of
+      being admitted into their presence, without losing one particle of
+      dignity, by their courteous manner. This agreeable qualification the
+      doctor appeared to possess in an eminent degree. I had not been five
+      minutes in his company before I felt as perfectly unembarrassed as if I
+      had known him intimately for twelve months. It could not be the result of
+      confidence on my part, for no poor fellow ever felt more abashed upon a
+      first entrance; and must therefore only be attributable to that
+      indescribable condescension of easy intercourse which is the sure
+      characteristic of a superior mind.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[124]</span> After inquiring who was to be my tutor,
+      and finding I was not yet fixed in that particular, I was requested to
+      construe one of the easiest passages in the Æneid; my next task was to
+      read a few paragraphs of monkish Latin from a little white book, which I
+      found contained the university statutes: having acquitted myself in this
+      to the apparent satisfaction of the doctor, he next proceeded to give me
+      his advice upon my future conduct and pursuits in the university; remarked
+      that his old friend, my father, could not have selected a more unfortunate
+      person to usher me into notice: that his habits were those of a recluse,
+      and his associations confined almost within the walls of his own college;
+      but that his good wishes for the son of an old friend and schoolfellow
+      would, on this occasion, induce him to present me, in person, to the
+      principal of Brazennose, of whom he took occasion to speak in the highest
+      possible terms. Having ordered me a sandwich and a glass of wine for my
+      refreshment, he left me to adjust his dress, preparatory to our visit to
+      the dignitary. During his absence I employed the interval in amusing
+      myself with a small octavo volume, entitled the "Oxford Spy:" the singular
+      coincidence of the following extract according so completely with the
+      previous remarks of the doctor, induced me to believe it was his
+      production; but in this suspicion, I have since been informed, I was in
+      error, the work being written by Shergold Boone, Esq. a young member of
+      the university.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "Thus I remember, ere these scenes I saw,
+          But hope had drawn them, such as hope will draw,
+          A shrewd old man, on Isis' margin bred,
+          Smiled at my warmth, and shook his wig, and said:
+          'Youth will be sanguine, but before you go,
+          Learn these plain rules, and treasure, when you know.
+          Wisdom is innate in the gown and band;
+          Their wearers are the wisest of the land.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[125]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Science, except in Oxford, is a dream;
+          In all things heads of houses are supreme {9}
+          Proctors are perfect whosoe'er they be;
+          Logic is reason in epitome:
+          Examiners, like kings, can do no wrong;
+          All modern learning is not worth a song:
+          Passive obedience is the rule of right;
+          To argue or oppose is treason quite:{10}
+          Mere common sense would make the system fall:
+          Things are worth nothing; words are all in all."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      On his return, the ancient glanced at the work I had been reading, and
+      observing the passage I have just quoted, continued his remarks upon the
+      discipline of the schools.&mdash;"In the new formed system of which we
+      boast," said the master, "the philosophy which has enlightened the world
+      is omitted or passed over in a superficial way, and the student is
+      exercised in narrow and contracted rounds of education, in which his whole
+      labour is consumed, and his whole time employed, with little improvement
+      or useful knowledge. He has neither time nor inclination to attend the
+      public lectures in the several departments of philosophy; nor is he
+      qualified for that attendance. All that he does, or is required to do, is
+      to prepare himself to pass through these contracted rounds; to write a
+      theme, or point an epigram; but when he enters upon life, action, or
+      profession, both the little go, and the great go, he will find to be a by
+      go; for he will find that he has gone by the best part of useful and
+      substantial learning;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     9 Know all men by these presents, that children in the uni-
+     versities eat pap and go in leading strings till they are
+     fourscore. &mdash;Terro Filius.
+
+     10  In a work quaintly entitled "Phantasm of an University,"
+     there occurs this sweeping paragraph, written in the true
+     spirit of radical reform: "Great advantages might be
+     obtained by gradually transforming Christ Church into a
+     college of civil polity and languages; Magdalen, Queen's,
+     University, into colleges of moral philosophy; New and
+     Trinity into colleges of fine arts; and the five halls into
+     colleges of agriculture and manufactures."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[126]</span> or that it has gone by him: to recover
+      which he must repair from this famous seat of learning to the institutions
+      of the metropolis, or in the provincial towns. I have just given you these
+      hints, that you may escape the errors of our system, and be enabled to
+      avoid the pomp of learning which is without the power, and acquire the
+      power of knowledge without the pomp." Here ended the lecture, and my
+      venerable conductor and myself made the best of our way to pay our
+      respects to the principal of my future residence.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Arrived here&mdash;the principal, a man of great dignity, received us with
+      all due form, and appeared exceedingly pleased with the visit of my
+      conductor; my introduction was much improved by a letter from the head
+      master of Eton, who, I have no doubt, said more in my favour than I
+      deserved. The appointment of a tutor was the next step, and for this
+      purpose I was introduced to Mr. Jay, a smart-looking little man, very
+      polite and very portly, with whom I retired to display my proficiency in
+      classical knowledge, by a repetition of nearly the same passages in Homer
+      and Virgil I had construed previously with the learned doctor; the next
+      arrangement was the sending for a tailor, who quickly produced my
+      academical robes and cap, in the which, I must confess, I at first felt
+      rather awkward. I was now hurried to the vice-chancellor's house adjoining
+      Pembroke college, where I had the honour of a presentation to that
+      dignitary; a mild-looking man of small stature, with the most affable and
+      graceful manners, dignified, and yet free from the slightest tinge of <i>hauteur</i>.
+      His reception of my tutor was friendly and unembarrassing; his inquiries
+      relative to myself directed solely to my proficiency in the classics, of
+      which I had again to give some specimens; I was then directed to subscribe
+      my name in a large folio album, which proved to contain the thirty-nine
+      articles, not one <span class="pagenum">[127]</span> sentence of which I
+      had ever read; but it was too late for hesitation, and I remembered Tom
+      Echo had informed me I should have to attest to a great deal of nonsense,
+      which no one ever took the pains to understand. The remainder of this
+      formal initiation was soon despatched: I separately abjured the damnable
+      doctrines of the pope, swore allegiance to the king, and vowed to preserve
+      the statutes and privileges of the society I was then admitted into; paid
+      my appointed fees, made my bow to the vice-chancellor, and now concluded
+      that the ceremony of the <i>togati</i> was all over: in this, however, I
+      was mistaken; my tutor requesting some conference with me at his rooms,
+      thither we proceeded, and arranged the plan of my future studies; then
+      followed a few general hints relative to conduct, the most important of
+      which was my obeisance to the dignitaries, by capping{11} whenever I met
+      them; the importance of a strict attendance to the lectures of logic,
+      mathematics, and divinity, to the certain number of twenty in each term; a
+      regular list of the tradesmen whom I was requested to patronize; and,
+      lastly, the entry of my name upon the college books and payment of the
+      necessary <i>caution money</i>.{12} <i>Entering</i> keeps one term; but as
+      rooms were vacant, I was fortunate in obtaining an immediate appointment.
+      As the day was now far advanced, I deemed it better to return to my inn
+      and dress for the dinner party at Christ Church.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     11   Capping&mdash;by the students and under graduates is touching
+     the cap to the vice-chancollor, proctors, fellows, &amp;c. when
+     passing. At Christ Church tradesmen and servants must walk
+     bareheaded through the quadrangle when the dean, canons,
+     censors, or tutors are present. At Pembroke this order is
+     rigidly enforced, even in wet weather. At Brazennose neither
+     servants nor tradesmen connected with the college are
+     allowed to enter it otherwise. It is not long since a
+     certain bookseller was discommoned for wearing his hat in B-
+     n-e quadrangle, and literally ruined in consequence.
+
+     12  Caution money&mdash;a sum of money deposited in the hands of
+     the treasurer or bursar by every member on his name being
+     entered upon the college books, as a security for the
+     payment of all bills and expenses contracted by him within
+     the walls of the college. This money is returned when the
+     party takes his degree or name off the books; and no man can
+     do either of these without receipts in full from the butler,
+     manciple, and cook of their respective colleges.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[128]</span> <a name="image-0030" id="image-0030">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page128.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page128 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0031" id="image-0031">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page129.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page129 " />
+    </div>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+<span class="pagenum">[129]</span>     Architectural Reminiscences&mdash;Descriptive Remarks&mdash;Similitude
+     between the Characters of Cardinal Wolsey and Napoleon.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      It was past five o'clock when I arrived before the majestic towers of
+      Christ Church.&mdash;The retiring sun brightening the horizon with streaks
+      of gold at parting, shed a rich glow over the scene that could not fail to
+      rivet my attention to the spot. Not all the fatigues of the day, nor the
+      peculiarities of my new situation, had, in the least, abated my admiration
+      of architectural beauties. The noble octagonal tower in the enriched
+      Gothic style, rising like a colossal <span class="pagenum">[130]</span>
+      monument of art among the varied groups of spires, domes, and turrets,
+      which from a distance impress the traveller with favourable ideas of the
+      magnificence of Oxford, first attracted my notice, and recalled to my
+      memory two names that to me appear to be nearly associated (by comparison)
+      with each other, Wolsey and Napoleon; both gifted by nature with almost
+      all the brightest qualifications of great minds; both arriving at the
+      highest point of human grandeur from the most humble situations; equally
+      the patrons of learning, science, and the arts; and both equally
+      unfortunate, the victims of ambition: both persecuted exiles; yet, further
+      I may add, that both have left behind them a fame which brightens with
+      increasing years, and must continue to do as every passing day removes the
+      mist of prejudice from the eyes of man. Such were the thoughts that rushed
+      upon my mind as I stood gazing on the splendid fabric before me, from the
+      western side of St. Aidates, unheedful of the merry laughter-loving group
+      of students and under-graduates, who, lounging under the vaulted gateway,
+      were amusing themselves at my expense in quizzing a freshman in the act of
+      lionising. The tower contains the celebrated <i>Magnus Thomas</i>, recast
+      from the great bell of Osney abbey, by whose deep note at the hour of nine
+      in the evening the students are summoned to their respective colleges. The
+      upper part of the tower displays in the bracketed canopies and carved
+      enrichments the skilful hand of Sir Christopher Wren, whose fame was much
+      enhanced by the erection of the gorgeous turrets which project on each
+      side of the gateway.{1} Not caring to endure a closer attack of the <i>togati</i>,
+      who had now approached me, I crossed and entered the great quadrangle, or,
+      according to Oxford phraseology, <i>Tom Quad</i>. The irregular nature of
+      the buildings here by no means assimilate with the elegance of the
+      exterior entrance.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 It was here, in Lord Orford's opinion, that he "caught the
+     graces of the true Gothic taste."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0032" id="image-0032">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page131.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page131-th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page131" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[131]</span> The eastern, northern, and part of the
+      southern sides of the quadrangle are, I have been since informed,
+      inhabited by the dean and canons; the western by students. The broad
+      terrace in front of the buildings, the extent of the arena, and the
+      circular basin of water in the centre, render this an agreeable promenade.&mdash;I
+      had almost forgotten the deity of the place (I hope not symbolical), a
+      leaden Mercury{2}; the gift of Dr. John Radcliffe, which rises from the
+      centre of the basin, on the spot where once stood the sacred cross of St.
+      Frideswide, and the pulpit of the reformer, Wickliffe.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     2 Since pulled down and destroyed.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0018" id="link2H_4_0018">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE DINNER PARTY.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Bernard Blackmantles Visit to Tom Echo&mdash;-Oxford Phraseology-
+     Smuggled Dinners&mdash;A College Party described&mdash;Topography of a
+     Man's Boom&mdash;Portrait of a Bachelor of Arts&mdash;Hints to
+     Freshmen&mdash;Customs of the University.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[132]</span> "When first the freshman, bashful,
+      blooming, young, Blessings which here attend not handmaids long, Assumes
+      that cap, which franchises the man, And feels beneath the gown dilate his
+      span; When he has stood with modest glance, shy fear, And stiff-starch'd
+      band before our prime vizier, And sworn to articles he scarcely knew, And
+      forsworn doctrines to his creed all new: Through fancy's painted glass he
+      fondly sees Monastic turrets, patriarchal trees, The cloist'ral arches'
+      awe-inspiring shade, The High-street sonnetized by Wordsworth's jade, His
+      raptured view a paradise regards, Nurseling of hope! he builds on paper
+      cards."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      On the western side of Tom Quad, up one flight of stairs, by the porter's
+      aid I discovered the battered oaken door which led to the <i>larium</i> of
+      my friend Echo: that this venerable bulwark had sustained many a brave
+      attack from besiegers was visible in the numerous bruises and imprints of
+      hammers, crowbars, and other weapons, which had covered its surface with
+      many an indented scar. The utmost caution was apparent in the wary
+      scout,{1}
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 A Scout, at Christ Church, performs the same duties for
+     ten or twelve students as a butler and valet in a
+     gentleman's family. There are no women bedmakers at any
+     college except Christ Church, that duty being performed by
+     the scout.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[133]</span> who admitted me; a necessary
+      precaution, as I afterwards found, to prevent the prying eye of some
+      inquisitive domine, whose nose has a sort of instinctive attraction in the
+      discovery of smuggled dinners.{2}
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Within I found assembled half a dozen good-humoured faces, all young, and
+      all evidently partaking of the high flow of spirits and animated vivacity
+      of the generous hearted Tom Echo. A college introduction is one of little
+      ceremony, the surname alone being used,&mdash;a practice, which, to escape
+      quizzing, must also be followed on your card. "Here, old fellows," said
+      Tom, taking me by the hand, and leading me forwards to his companions,
+      "allow me to introduce an ex{3}-college man,&mdash;Blackmantle of
+      Brazennose, a freshman{4} and an Etonian: so, lay to him, boys; he's just
+      broke loose from the Land of Sheepishness,{5} passed Pupils Straits{6} and
+      the Isle of Matriculation{7} to follow Dads Will,{8} in the Port of
+      Stuffs{9}; from which, if he can steer clear of the Fields of
+      Temptation{10}
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     2  Smuggled dinners are private parties in a student's room,
+     when the dinner is brought into college from a tavern:
+     various are the ingenious stratagems of the togati to elude
+     the vigilance of the authorities: trunks, packing-boxes,
+     violoncello-cases, and hampers are not unfrequently directed
+     as if from a waggon or coach-office, and brought into
+     college on the shoulders of some porter. Tin cans of soup
+     are drawn up by means of a string from the back windows in
+     the adjoining street. It is not long since Mr. C- of Christ
+     Church was expelled for having a dinner smuggled into
+     college precisely in the manner adopted by Tom Echo.
+
+     3  A University man who is visiting in a college of which he
+     is
+
+     not a member.
+
+     4  The usual phrase for initiating a freshman on his first
+     appearance in a party or frisk.
+
+     5  Land of Sheepishness&mdash;School-boy's bondage.
+
+     6 Pupil's Straits&mdash;Interval between restraint and liberty.
+
+     7  Isle of Matriculation&mdash;First entrance into the University.
+
+     8  Dad's Will&mdash;Parental authority.
+
+     9  Port for Stay's&mdash;Assumption of commoner's gown.
+
+     10  Fields of Temptation&mdash;The attractions held out to him.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[134]</span> he hopes to make the <i>Land of Promise</i>,{11}
+      anchor his bark in the <i>Isthmus of Grace</i>,{12} and lay up snugly for
+      life on the <i>Land of Incumbents</i>."{13} "For heaven's sake, Tom," said
+      I," speak in some intelligible language; it's hardly fair to fire off your
+      battery of Oxonian wit upon a poor freshman at first sight." At this
+      moment a rap at the <i>oak</i> announced an addition to our party, and in
+      bounded that light-hearted child of whim, Horace Eglantine:&mdash;"What,
+      Blackmantle here? Why then, Tom, we can form as complete a trio as ever
+      got <i>bosky</i>{14} with <i>bishop</i>{15} in <i>the province of Bacchus</i>,{16}!
+      Why, what a plague, my old fellow, has given you that rueful-looking
+      countenance? I am sure you was not plucked upon <i>Maro Common</i> or <i>Homer
+      Downs</i>{17} in passing examination with the big wig this morning; or has
+      Tom been frisking{18} you already with some of his jokes about the <i>straits
+      of independency</i>{19}; the <i>waste of ready</i>{20}; the dynasty of
+      Venus,{21} or the quicksands of rustication{22}.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     11  Land of Promise&mdash;The fair expectations of a steady novice
+     in Oxford.
+
+     12  Isthmus of Grace&mdash;Obtainment of the grace of one's
+     college.
+
+     13  Land of Incumbents&mdash;Good livings.
+
+     14  Bosky is the term used in Oxford to express the style of
+     being "half seas over."
+
+     15  Bishop&mdash;A good orthodox mead composed of port wine and
+     roasted oranges or lemons.
+
+     16  Province of Bacchus&mdash;Inebriety.
+
+     17  Maro Common and Homer Downs allude to the Æneid of
+     Virgil and the Iliad of Homer&mdash;two books chiefly studied for
+     the little-go or responsions.
+
+     18 Frisking&mdash;Hoaxing.
+
+     19  Straits of Independency&mdash;Frontiers of extravagance.
+
+     20   Waste of Ready, including in it Hoyle's Dominions&mdash;
+     Course of gambling, including Loo tables.
+
+     21  Dynasty of Venus&mdash;Indiscriminate love and misguided
+     affections.
+
+     22  Quicksands of Rustication&mdash;On which our hero may at any
+     time run foul when inclined to visit a new county.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[135]</span> Cheer up, old fellow! you are not half
+      way through the ceremony of initiation yet. We must brighten up that
+      solemn phiz of yours, and give you a lesson or two on college principles?
+      If I had been thrown upon some newly-discovered country, among a race of
+      wild Indians, I could not have been more perplexed and confounded than I
+      now felt in endeavouring to rally, and appear to comprehend this peculiar
+      phraseology.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A conversation now ensuing between a gentleman commoner, whom the party
+      designated Pontius Pilate{23} and Tom Echo, relative to the comparative
+      merits of their hunters, afforded me an opportunity of surveying the <i>larium</i>
+      of my friend; the entrance to which was through a short passage, that
+      served the varied purposes of an ante-room or vestibule, and a scout's
+      pantry and boot-closet. On the right was the sleeping-room, and at the
+      foot of a neat French bed I could perceive the wine bin, surrounded by a
+      regiment of <i>dead men</i>{24} who had, no doubt, departed this life like
+      heroes in some battle of Bacchanalian sculls. The principal chamber, the
+      very <i>penetrale</i> of the Muses, was about six yards square, and low,
+      with a rich carved oaken wainscoting, reaching to the ceiling; the
+      monastic gloom being materially increased by two narrow loopholes,
+      intended for windows, but scarcely yielding sufficient light to enable the
+      student to read his <i>Scapula or Lexicon</i>{25} with the advantage of a
+      meridian sun: the fire-place was immensely wide, emblematical, no doubt,
+      of the capacious stomachs of the good fathers and fellows, the ancient
+      inhabitants of this <i>sanctum</i>; but the most singularly-striking
+      characteristic was the modern decorations, introduced by the present
+      occupant.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     23  A quaint cognomen applied to him from the rapidity with
+     which he boasted of repeating the Nicene Creed,&mdash;i.e.
+     offering a bet that no would give any man as far as "Pontius
+     Pilate," and beat him before he got to the "resurrection of
+     the dead."
+
+     24  Dead Men&mdash;Empty bottles.
+
+     25  Scapula, Hederic, and Lexicon, the principal
+     Dictionaries in use for studying Greek.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[136]</span> Over the fire-place hung a caricature
+      portrait of a well-known Bachelor of Arts, drinking at the <i>Pierian
+      spring, versus</i> gulping down the contents of a Pembroke <i>overman</i>,{26}
+      sketched by the facetious pencil of the humorist, Rowlandson.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0033" id="image-0033">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page136.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page136 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      ECCÈ SIGNUM.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      I could not help laughing to observe on the one side of this jolly
+      personage a portrait of the little female Giovanni Vestris, under which
+      some wag had inscribed, "<i>A Mistress of Hearts</i>," and on the other a
+      full-length of Jackson the pugilist, with this motto&mdash;"A striking
+      likeness of a fancy lecturer."
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     26 An Herman&mdash;At Pembroke, a large silver tankard, holding
+     two quarts and half a pint, so called from the donor, Mr.
+     George Overman. The late John Hudson, the college tonsor
+     and <i>common room man</i>,{*} was famous for having several
+     times, for trifling wagers, drank a full overman of strong
+     beer off at a draught. A Tun, another vessel in use at
+     Pembroke, is a half pint silver cup. A Whistler, a silver
+     pint tankard also in use there, was the gift of Mr. Anthony
+     Whistler, a cotemporary with Shenstone.
+
+     * Common room man, a servant who is entirely employed in
+     attending upon the members of the common room.
+
+     Junior common room, a room in every college, except Christ
+     Church, set apart for the junior members to drink wine in
+     and read the newspapers.
+
+     N.B. There is but one common room at Christ Church; none but
+     masters of arts and noblemen can be members of it,&mdash;the
+     latter but seldom attend. The last who attended was the late
+     Duke of Dorset. All common rooms are regularly furnished
+     with newspapers and magazines.
+
+     <i>Curator of the common rooms</i>.-A senior master of arts, who
+     buys the wine and inspects the accounts.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[137]</span> In the centre of the opposite side hung
+      the portrait of an old <i>scout</i>, formerly of Brazennose, whose head
+      now forms the admission ticket to the college club. Right and left were
+      disposed the plaster busts of Aristotle and Cicero; the former noseless,
+      and the latter with his eyes painted black, and a huge pair of mustachios
+      annexed. A few volumes of the Latin and Greek classics were thrown into a
+      heap in one corner of the room, while numerous modern sporting
+      publications usurped their places on the book shelves, richly gilt and
+      bound in calf, but not lettered. The hunting cap, whip, and red coat were
+      hung up like a trophy between two foxes' tails, which served the purpose
+      of bell pulls. At this moment, my topographical observations were
+      disturbed by the arrival of the scout with candles, and two
+      strange-looking fellows in smock frocks, bringing in, as I supposed, a
+      piano forte, but which, upon being placed on the table, proved to be a
+      mere case: the top being taken off, the sides and ends let down in
+      opposite directions, and the cloth pulled out straight, displayed an
+      elegant dinner, smoking hot, and arranged in as much form as if the
+      college butler had superintended the feast. "Come, old fellow," said Tom,
+      "turn to&mdash;no ceremony. I hope, Jem," addressing his scout, "you took
+      care that no <span class="pagenum">[138]</span> college telegraph{27} was
+      at work while you were smuggling the dinner in." "I made certain sure of
+      that, sir," said Jem; "for I placed Captain Cook{28} sentinel at one
+      corner of the quadrangle, and old Brady at the other, with directions to
+      whistle, as a signal, if they saw any of the <i>dons</i> upon the look
+      out."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Finding we were not likely to be interrupted by the <i>domine</i>, Tom
+      took the chair. The fellows in the smock frocks threw off their disguises,
+      and proved to be two genteelly dressed waiters from one of the inns.
+      "Close the oak, Jem," said Horace Eglantine, "and take care no one knocks
+      in{29} before we have knocked down the contents of your master's musical
+      melange." "<i>Punning</i> as usual, Eglantine," said the Honourable Mr.
+      Sparkle, a gentleman commoner. "Yes; and <i>pun</i>-ishing too, old
+      fellow!" said Horace. "Where's the <i>cold tankard</i>,{30} Echo?
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     27  A college telegraph&mdash;A servant of a college, who carries
+     an account of every trifling offence committed, either by
+     gentlemen or servants, to the college officers.
+
+     28 Well-known characters in Christ Church.
+
+     29 Knocking in&mdash;Going into college after half-past ten at
+     night. The names of the gentlemen who knock in are entered
+     by the porter in a book kept for that purpose, and the next
+     morning it is carried to the dean and censors, who generally
+     call upon the parties so offending to account for being out
+     of college at so late an hour. A frequent recurrence of this
+     practice will sometimes draw from the dean a very severe
+     reprimand.
+
+     Knocking in money&mdash;Fines levied for knocking into college at
+     improper hours: the first fine is fixed at half-past ten,
+     and increased every half hour afterwards. These fines are
+     entered on the batter book, and charged among the battels
+     and decrements,* a portion of which is paid to the porter
+     quarterly, for being knocked up.
+
+     30  Cold tankard&mdash;A summer beverage, used at dinner, made of
+     brandy, cider, or perry, lemons cut in slices, cold water,
+     sugar, nutmeg, cinnamon, and the herbs balm and burridge.
+     Sometimes sherry or port wine is substituted for cider. The
+     tankard is put into a pitcher, which is iced in a tub,
+     procured from the confectioners.
+
+     * Decrements.&mdash;The use of knives, folks, spoons, and other
+     necessaries, with the firing, &amp;c. for the hall and chapel.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[139]</span> We must give our old <i>con</i>,
+      Blackmantle, a warm reception." "Sure, that's a Paddyism"{31} said a young
+      Irish student. "Nothing of the sort," replied Horace: "are we not all here
+      the sons of Isis (Ices)? and tell me where will you find a group of warmer
+      hearted souls?" "Bravo! bravo!" shouted the party. "That fellow Eglantine
+      will create another <i>Pun</i>-ic war," said Sparkle. "I move that we have
+      him crossed in the buttery{32} for making us laugh during dinner, to the
+      great injury of our digestive organs, and the danger of suffocation."
+      "What! deprive an Englishman of his right to battel{33}" said Echo: "No; I
+      would sooner inflict the orthodox fine of a double bumper of <i>bishop</i>."
+      "Bravo!" said Horace: "then I plead guilty, and swallow the imposition."
+      "I'll thank you for a cut out of the back of that <i>lion</i>,"{34}
+      tittered a man opposite. With all the natural timidity of the hare whom he
+      thus particularised, I was proceeding to help him, when Echo inquired if
+      he should send me the breast of a swiss {35} and the facetious Eglantine,
+      to increase my confusion, requested to be allowed to cut me a slice off
+      the wing of a wool bird.{36}
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     31 A Paddyism is called in this university a "Thorpism" from
+     Mr. Thorp, formerly a hosier of some note in the city. He
+     was famous for making blunders and coining new words, was
+     very fond of making long speeches, and when upon <i>the toe</i>,
+     never failed to convulse his hearers with laughter.
+
+     32 Crossed in the buttery&mdash;not allowed to battel, a
+     punishment for missing lecture. By being frequently crossed,
+     a man will lose his term.
+
+     33 Battels&mdash;Bread, butter, cheese, salt, eggs, &amp;c.
+
+     34 A lion&mdash;a hare.
+
+     35 Siciss&mdash;a pheasant.
+
+     36 Wing of a wool bird&mdash;Shoulder of lamb.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[140]</span> To have remonstrated against this
+      species of persecution would, I knew, only increase my difficulties;
+      summoning, therefore, all the gaiety I was master of to my aid, I appeared
+      to participate in the joke, like many a modern <i>roué</i>, laughing in
+      unison without comprehending the essence of the whim, merely because it
+      was the fashion. What a helpless race, old father Etona, are thine
+      (thought I), when first they assume the Oxford man; spite of thy fostering
+      care and classic skill, thy offspring are here little better than
+      cawkers{37} or wild Indians. "Is there no glossary of university wit,"
+      said I, "to be purchased here, by which the fresh may be instructed in the
+      art of conversation; no <i>Lexicon Balatronicum</i> of college eloquence,
+      by which the ignorant may be enlightened?" "Plenty, old fellow," said
+      Echo: "old Grose is exploded; but, never fear, I will introduce you to the
+      <i>Dictionnaire Universel</i>,{38} which may always be consulted, at our
+      <i>old grandmammas</i>' in St. Clement's, or Eglantine can introduce you
+      at Vincent's,{39} where better known as the poor curate of H&mdash;&mdash;,
+      crossed the channel.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     37  Cawker&mdash;an Eton phrase for a stranger or novice.
+
+     38  Dictionnaire Universel&mdash;a standing toast in the common
+     room at&mdash;&mdash;-College.
+
+     The origin of the toast is as follows: When Buonaparte was
+     at Elba, Dr. E-, one of the wealthy senior Fellows of &mdash;&mdash;
+     College.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Soon after his arrival at Paris, as he was walking through the streets of
+      that city, he was accosted by an elegantly dressed Cyprian, to whom he
+      made a profound bow, and told her (in English), that he was not
+      sufficiently acquainted with the French language to comprehend what she
+      had said to him, expressing his regret that he had not his French and
+      English dictionary with him. Scarcely had he pronounced the word
+      dictionary, when the lady, by a most astonishing display, which in England
+      would have disgraced the lowest of the frail sisterhood, exclaimed,
+      "Behold the Dictionnaire Universel, which has been opened by the learned
+      of all nations."{39} Dr. E&mdash;, on his return from France, related this
+      anecdote in the common room at &mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-, and the
+      Dictionnaire universel has ever since been a standing toast there.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     39  A well known respectable bookseller near Brazennose, who
+     has published a whimsical trifle under the title of "Oxford
+     in Epitome" very serviceable to freshmen. You may purchase
+     "Oxford in Epitome," with a Key accompaniment explaining the
+     whole art and mystery of the <i>finished style</i>.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[141]</span> After a dissertation upon <i>new
+      college puddings</i>,{40} rather a choice dish, an elegant dessert and
+      ices was introduced from Jubbers.{41} The glass now circulated freely, and
+      the open-hearted mirth of my companions gave me a tolerable idea of many
+      of the leading eccentricities of a collegian's life. The Oxford toast, the
+      college divinity, was, I found, a Miss W-, whose father is a wealthy
+      horse-dealer, and whom all agreed was a very amiable and beautiful girl. I
+      discovered that Sadler, Randal, and Crabbe were rum ones for prime hacks&mdash;that
+      the <i>Esculapii dii</i> of the university, the demi-gods of medicine and
+      surgery, were Messrs. Wall and Tuckwell&mdash;that all proctors were
+      tyrants, and their men savage bull dogs&mdash;that good wine was seldom to
+      be bought in Oxford by students&mdash;and pretty girls were always to be
+      met at Bagley Wood&mdash;that rowing a fellow{42} was considered good
+      sport, and an idle master{43} a jolly dog&mdash;that all tradesmen were
+      duns, and all gownsmen suffering innocents&mdash;and lastly.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     40  New College puddings&mdash;a favourite dish with freshmen,
+     made of grated biscuit, eggs, suet, moist sugar, currants
+     and lemon-peel, rolled into balls of an oblong shape, fried
+     in boiling fat, and moistened with brandy.
+
+     41  A celebrated Oxford pastry-cook.
+
+     42  Rowing a fellow&mdash;going with a party in the dead of the
+     night to a man's room, nailing or screwing his oak up, so as
+     it cannot be opened on the inside, knocking at his door,
+     calling out fire, and when he comes to the door, burning a
+     quantity of shavings, taken from halfpenny faggots dipped in
+     oil from the staircase lamps, so as to impress him with an
+     idea that the staircase, in which his rooms are, is on fire.
+     And when he is frightened almost out of his senses, setting
+     up a most hideous horse-laugh and running away. This joke
+     is practised chiefly upon quiet timid men.
+
+     43 An idle master&mdash;a Master of Arts on the foundation, who
+     does not take pupils.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[142]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      I was informed that a freshman was a scamp without seasoning&mdash;and a
+      fellow of no spirit till he had been pulled up before the big wig and
+      suffered imposition{44} fine, and rustication.{45}
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It was now half an hour since old <i>Magnus Thomas</i> had tolled his
+      heavy note, most of the party were a little cut,{46} and the salt pits of
+      attic wit had long since been drained to the very bottom&mdash;Sparkle
+      proposed an adjournment to the Temple of Bacchus,{47} while Echo and a man
+      of Trinity set forth for the plains of Betteris.{48} Pleading the fatigues
+      of the day, and promising to attend a spread{49} on the morrow to be given
+      by Horace Eglantine, I was permitted to depart to my inn, having first
+      received a caution from Echo to steer clear of the Don Peninsula{50} and
+      the seat of magistracy.{51}
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      On regaining my inn, I was not a little surprised to hear the smirking
+      barmaid announce me by my christian and surname, directing the waiter to
+      place candles for Mr. Bernard Blackmantle in the <i>sanctum</i>. How the
+      deuce, thought I, have these people discovered my family nomenclature, or
+      are we here under the same system of <i>espionage</i> as the puerile
+      inhabitants of France, where every hotel-keeper, waiter, and servant, down
+      to the very shoe-black, is a spy upon your actions, and a creature in the
+      pay of the police{52} "Pray, waiter," said I, "why is this snug little
+      _larium__ designated the sanctum_?"
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     44 Imposition&mdash;translations set by the Principal for absence
+     and other errors.
+
+     45 Rustication is the term applied to temporary dismissal
+     for non-observance of college discipline.
+
+     46 A little cut&mdash;half seas over.
+
+     47  Temple of Bacchus&mdash;some favourite inn.
+
+     48  Plains of Betteris&mdash;the diversion of billiards.
+
+     49  A spread&mdash;a wine party.
+
+     50  The Don Peninsula&mdash;the range of all who wear long black
+     hanging sleeves, and bear the name of Domini.
+
+     51  Seat of magistracy&mdash;proctor's authority.
+
+     52  The tact of the Oxford tradesmen in this particular is
+     very ingenious.&mdash;The strength of a man's account is always
+     regulated by the report they receive on his entering, from
+     some college friend, respecting the wealth of his relations,
+     or the weight of his expectancies.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[143]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Because it's extra-proctorial, sir: none of the town <i>raff</i> are ever
+      admitted into it, and the marshal and his bull dogs never think of
+      intruding here. With your leave, sir, I'll send in master&mdash;he will
+      explain things better; and mayhap, sir, as you are fresh, he may give you
+      a little useful information." "Do so,&mdash;send me in a bottle of old
+      Madeira and two glasses, and tell your master I shall be happy to see
+      him." In a few moments I was honoured with the company of mine host of the
+      Mitre, who, to do him justice, was a more humorous fellow than I had
+      anticipated. Not quite so ceremonious as he of the Christopher at Eton, or
+      the superlative of a Bond-street <i>restaurateur</i>; but with an
+      unembarrassed roughness, yet respectful demeanour, that partook more of
+      the sturdy English farmer, or an old weather-beaten sportsman, than the
+      picture I had figured to myself of the polished landlord of the principal
+      inn in the sacred city of learning. We are too much the creatures of
+      prejudice in this life, and first impressions are not unfrequently the
+      first faults which we unthinkingly commit against the reputation of a new
+      acquaintance. Master Peake was, I discovered, a fellow of infinite jest,
+      an old fox-hunter, and a true sportsman; and supposing me, from my
+      introduction by Tom Echo to his house, to be as fond of a good horse, a
+      hard run, and a black bottle, as my friend, he had eagerly sought an
+      opportunity for this early introduction. "No man in the country, sir,"
+      said Peake, "can boast of a better horse or a better wife: I always leave
+      the management of the bishop's cap to the petticoat; for look ye, sir,
+      gown against gown is the true orthodox system, I believe.&mdash;When I
+      kept the Blue Pig{53} by the Town Hall, the big wigs used to grunt a
+      little now and then about the gemmen of the university getting <i>bosky</i>
+      in a <i>pig-sty</i>; so, egad, I thought I would fix them at last, and
+      removed here; for I knew it would be deemed sacrilegious to attack the
+      mitre, or hazard a pun upon the head of the church.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+      53 The Blue Boar, since shut up.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[144]</span> If ever you should be <i>tiled</i> up
+      in <i>Eager heaven</i>,{54} there's not a kinder hearted soul in
+      Christendom than Mrs. Peake: Dr. Wall says that he thinks she has saved
+      more gentlemen's lives in this university by good nursing and sending them
+      niceties, than all the material medicals put together. You'll excuse me,
+      sir, but as you are fresh, take care to avoid the <i>gulls</i>{55}; they
+      fly about here in large flocks, I assure you, and do no little mischief at
+      times." "I never understood that gulls were birds of prey," said I.&mdash;"Only
+      in Oxford, sir; and here, I assure you, they bite like hawks, and pick
+      many a poor young gentleman as bare before his three years are expired, as
+      the crows would a dead sheep upon a common. Every thing depends upon your
+      obtaining an honest scout, and that's a sort of <i>haro ravis</i> (I think
+      they call the bird) here." Suppressing my laughter at my host's Latinity,
+      I thought this a fair opportunity to make some inquiries relative to this
+      important officer in a college establishment.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "I suppose you know most of these ambassadors of the togati belonging to
+      the different colleges'?" "I think I do, sir," said Peake, "if you mean
+      the scouts; but I never heard them called by that name before. If you are
+      of Christ Church, I should recommend Dick Cook, or, as he is generally
+      called, Gentleman Cook, as the most finished, spritely, honest fellow of
+      the whole. Dick's a trump, and no telegraph,&mdash;up to every frisk, and
+      down to every move of the domini, thorough bred, and no want of courage?"
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     54  Æager haven&mdash;laid up in the depot of invalids.
+
+     55  Gulls&mdash;knowing ones who are always on the look out for
+     freshmen.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[145]</span> "But not having the honour of being
+      entered there, I cannot avail myself of Dick's services: pray tell me, who
+      is there at Brazennose that a young fellow can make a confidant of?" "Why,
+      the very best old fellow in the world,&mdash;nothing like him in Oxford,&mdash;rather
+      aged, to be sure, but a good one to go, and a rum one to look at;&mdash;I
+      have known Mark Supple these fifty years, and never heard a gentleman give
+      him a bad word: shall I send for him, sir? he's the very man to put you <i>up
+      to a thing or two</i>, and finish you off in prime style." "In the
+      morning, I'll see him, and if he answers your recommendation, engage with
+      him: "for, thought I, such a man will be very essential, if it is only to
+      act as interpreter to a young novice like myself.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The conversation now turned to sporting varieties, by which I discovered
+      mine host was a leading character in the neighbouring hunts; knew every
+      sportsman in the field, and in the course of half an hour, carried me over
+      Godrington's manors, Moystoris district, and Somerset range,{56} taking
+      many a bold leap in his progress, and never losing <i>sight of the dogs</i>.
+      "We shall try your mettle, sir," said he, "if we catch you out for a day's
+      sport; and if you are not quite mounted at present to your mind, I have
+      always a spare nag in the stable for the use of a freshman."
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     56 The three packs of hounds contiguous to Oxford.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Though I did not relish the concluding appellation, coming from a
+      tavern-keeper, I could not help thanking Peake for his liberal offer; yet
+      without any intention of risking my neck in a steeple chase. The interview
+      had, however, been productive of some amusement and considerable
+      information. The bottle was now nearly finished; filling my last glass, I
+      drank success to the Mitre, promised to patronise the landlord, praise the
+      hostess, coquet with the little cherry-cheek, chirping lass in the bar,
+      and kiss as many of the chamber-maids as I could persuade to let me.
+      Wishing mine host a good night, and ringing for my bed-candle, I proceeded
+      to put the last part of my promise into immediate execution.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0019" id="link2H_4_0019">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      COLLEGE SERVANTS.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Descriptive Sketch of a College Scout&mdash;Biography of Mark
+     Supple&mdash;Singular Invitation to a Spread.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      The next morning, early, while at breakfast, I received a visit from Mr.
+      Mark Supple, the <i>scout</i>, of whom mine host of the Mitre had on the
+      preceding night spoken so highly. There was nothing certainly very
+      prepossessing in his exterior appearance; and if he had not previously
+      been eulogised as the most estimable of college servants, I should not
+      have caught the impression from a first glance. He was somewhere about
+      sixty years of age, of diminutive stature and spare habit, a lean brother
+      with a scarlet countenance, impregnated with tints of many a varied hue,
+      in which however the richness of the ruby and the soft purple of the
+      ultramarine evidently predominated. His forehead was nearly flat; upon his
+      eyebrows and over his <i>os frontis</i> and scalp, a few straggling
+      straight hairs were extended as an apology for a wig, but which was much
+      more like a discarded crow's nest turned upside down. Immense black bushy
+      eyebrows overhung a pair of the queerest looking oculars I had ever seen;
+      below which sprung forth what had once been, no doubt, a nose, and perhaps
+      in youth an elegant feature; but, Heaven help the wearer! it was now grown
+      into such a strange form, and presented so many choice exuberances, that
+      one might have supposed it was the original Bardolph's, and charged with
+      the additional sins of every succeeding generation. The loss of his <span
+      class="pagenum">[146]</span> teeth had caused the other lip to retire
+      inwards, and consequently the lower one projected forth, supported by a
+      huge chin, like the basin or receiver round the crater of a volcano.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      His costume was of a fashion admirably corresponding with his person. It
+      might once have graced a dean, or, perhaps, a bishop, but it was evident
+      the present wearer was not by when the <i>artiste</i> of the needle took
+      his measure or instructions. Three men of Mark's bulk might very well have
+      been buttoned up in the upper habiliment; and as for the <i>inexpressibles</i>,
+      they hung round his <i>ultimatum</i> like the petticoat trowsers of a
+      Dutch smuggler: then for the colour, it might once have been sable or a
+      clerical mixture; but what with the powder which the collar bore evidence
+      it had once been accustomed to, and the weather-beaten trials it had since
+      undergone, it was quite impossible to specify. The <i>beaver</i> was in
+      excellent keeping, <i>en suite</i>, except, perhaps, from the constant
+      application of the hand to pay due respect to the dignitaries, it was here
+      and there enriched with some more shining qualities. I at first suspected
+      this ancient visitor was a hoax of my friend Tom Echo's, who had concerted
+      the scheme with the landlord; but a little conversation with the object of
+      my surprise soon convinced me it was the genuine Mark Supple, the true
+      college <i>scout</i>, and no counterfeit.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "The welcome of Isis to you, sir," said the old man. "The domini of the
+      bishops cap here gave me a hint you wished to see me.&mdash;I have the
+      honour to be Mark Supple, sir, senior scout of Brazennose, and as well
+      known to all the members of the university for the last fifty years, as
+      Magdalen bridge, or old Magnus Thomas. The first of your name, sir, I
+      think, who have been of Oxford&mdash;don't trace any of the Blackmantles
+      here antecedent&mdash;turned over my list this morning before I came&mdash;got
+      them all arranged, sir, take notice, in chronological order, from the
+      friars of <span class="pagenum">[148]</span> Oseny abbey down to the
+      university of bucks of 1824&mdash;very entertaining, sir, take notice&mdash;many
+      a glorious name peeping out here and there&mdash;very happy to enrol the
+      first of the Blackmantles in my remembrancer, and hope to add M. A. and M.
+      S. S. which signifies honour to you, as master of arts, and glory to your
+      humble servant, Mark Supple Scout&mdash;always put my own initials against
+      the gentleman's names whom I have attended, take notice." The singularity
+      of the ancient's climax amused me exceedingly&mdash;there was something
+      truly original in the phrase: the person and manners of the man were in
+      perfect keeping. "You must have seen great changes here, Mark," said I;
+      "were you always of Brazennose?" "I was born of Christ Church, sir, take
+      notice, where my father was college barber, and my mother a bed-maker; but
+      the students of that period insisted upon it that I was so like to a
+      certain old big wig, whose Christian name was Mark, that I most
+      censoriously obtained the appellation from at least a hundred godfathers,
+      to the no small annoyance of the dignitary, take notice. My first
+      occupation, when a child, was carrying billet doux from the students of
+      Christ Church to the tradesmen's daughters of Oxford, or the nuns of St.
+      Clement's, where a less important personage might have excited suspicion
+      and lost his situation. From a college Mercury, I became a college devil,
+      and was promoted to the chief situation in <i>glorio</i>,{1} alias <i>hell</i>,
+      where I continued for some time a shining character, and sharpened the
+      edge of many a cutting thing, take notice. Here, some wag having a design
+      upon my reputation, put a large piece of cobbler's wax into the dean's
+      boots one morning, which so irritated the <i>big wig</i> that I was
+      instantly expelled college, discommoned, and blown up at point non plus,
+      take notice.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 Glorio.&mdash;A place in Christ Church called the scout's
+     pantry, where the boots and shoes and knives are cleaned,
+     and a small quantity of Geneva, or Bill Holland's double, is
+     daily consumed during term time.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[149]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Having saved a trifle, I now commenced stable-keeper, bought a few prime
+      hacks, and mounted some of the best tandem turn outs in Oxford, take
+      notice: but not having wherewithal to stand tick, and being much averse to
+      dunning, I was soon sold up, and got a birth in Brazennose as college
+      scout, where I have now been upwards of forty years, take notice. No
+      gentleman could ever say old Mark Supple deceived him. I have run many
+      risks for the gown; never cared for the town; always stuck up for my
+      college, and never telegraphed the big wigs in my life, take notice."&mdash;"Is
+      your name Blackmantle?" said a sharp-looking little fellow, in a grey
+      frock livery, advancing up to me with as much <i>sang froid</i> as if I
+      had been one of the honest fraternity of college servants. Being answered
+      in the affirmative, and receiving at the same time a look that convinced
+      him I was not pleased with his boldness, he placed the following note in
+      my hand and retired.{2}
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     2 The usual style of invitation to a college wine party or
+     spread.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0034" id="image-0034">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page149.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page149 " />
+    </div>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     The above is an exact copy of a note received from a man of
+     Brazennose.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[159]</span> Handing the note to old Mark&mdash;"Pray,"
+      said I, not a little confused by the elegance of the composition, "is this
+      the usual style of college invitations?" Mark mounted his spectacles, and
+      having deciphered the contents, assured me with great gravity that it was
+      very polite indeed, and considering where it came from, unusually civil.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Another specimen of college ceremony, thought I;&mdash;"But come, Mark,
+      let us forth and survey my rooms." We were soon within-side the gates of
+      Brazennose; and Mark having obtained the key, we proceeded to explore the
+      forsaken chamber of the Muses.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0035" id="image-0035">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page151.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img alt="page151-th (83K)" src="images/page151-th.jpg" width="100%" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0020" id="link2H_4_0020">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      TAKING POSSESSION OF YOUR ROOMS.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Topography of a vacant College Larium&mdash;Anecdotes and
+     Propensities of Predecessors&mdash;A long Shot&mdash;Scout's List of
+     Necessaries&mdash;Condolence of University Friends.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Ascending a dark stone staircase till the oaken beams of the roof
+      proclaimed we had reached the domiciliary abode of genius, I found myself
+      in the centre of my future habitation, an attic on the third floor: I much
+      doubt if poor Belzoni, when he discovered the Egyptian sepulchre, could
+      have exhibited more astonishment. The old bed-maker, and the scout of my
+      predecessor, had prepared the apartment for my reception by gutting it of
+      every thing useful to the value of a cloak pin: the former was engaged in
+      sweeping up the dust, which, from the clouds that surrounded us, would not
+      appear to have been disturbed for six months before at least. I had nearly
+      broken my shins, on my first entrance, over the fire-shovel and bucket,
+      and I was now in more danger of being choked with filth. "Who inhabited
+      this delightful place before, Mark?" "A mad wag, but a generous gentleman,
+      Sir, take notice, one Charles Rattle, Esq., who was expelled college for
+      smuggling, take notice: the proctor, with the town marshal and his bull
+      dogs, detected him and two others one night drawing up some fresh
+      provision in the college plate-basket. Mr. Rattle, in his fright, dropped
+      the fair nun of St. Clement's plump upon the proctor, who could not
+      understand the joke; but, having recovered <span class="pagenum">[152]</span>
+      his legs, entered the college, and found one of the fair sisters concealed
+      in Mr. Rattle's room, take notice. In consequence he was next day pulled
+      up before the big wigs, when, refusing to make a suitable apology, he
+      received sentence of expulsion, take notice." "He must have been a
+      genius," quoth I, "and a very eccentric one too, from the relics he has
+      left behind of his favourite propensities." In one corner of the room lay
+      deposited a heap of lumber, thrown together, as a printer would say, in <i>pie</i>,
+      composed of broken tables, broken bottles, trunks, noseless bellows, books
+      of all descriptions, a pair of <i>muffles</i>, and the cap of sacred
+      academus with a hole through the crown (emblematical, I should think, of
+      the pericranium it had once covered), and stuck upon the leg of a broken
+      chair. The rats, those very agreeable visitors of ancient habitations,
+      were seen scampering away upon our entrance, and the ceiling was elegantly
+      decorated with the smoke of a candle in a great variety of ornamented
+      designs, consisting of caricatures of dignitaries and the Christian names
+      of favourite damsels. There was poor Cicero, with a smashed crown, turned
+      upside down in the fire-place, and a map of Oxford hanging in tatters
+      above it; a portrait of Tom Crib was in the space adjoining the window,
+      not one whole pane of which had survived the general wreck; but what most
+      puzzled me was the appearance of the cupboard door: the bottom hinge had
+      given way, and it hung suspended by one joint in an oblique direction,
+      exhibiting, on an inside face, a circle chalked for a target and
+      perforated with numerous holes This door was in a right line with the
+      bedroom, and, when thrown open, covered a loop-hole of a window that
+      looked across the quadrangle directly into the principal's apartments.{1}
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0036" id="image-0036">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page153.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page153-th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page153" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[153]</span> It was in this way (as Mark informed
+      me) my predecessor amused himself in a morning by lying in bed and firing
+      at the target, till, unhappily, on one occasion the ball passed through a
+      hole in the door, the loop-hole window, and, crossing the quadrangle,
+      entered whizzing past the dignitary's ear and that of his family who were
+      at breakfast with him into the back of the chair he had but a moment
+      before providentially quitted to take a book from his library shelves.1
+      The affair occasioned a strict search, and the door in question bore too
+      strong an evidence to escape detection; Rattle was rusticated for a term,
+      but, returning the same singular character, was always in some scrape or
+      other till his final expulsion. Having given the necessary orders for
+      repairs, Mark made one of his best bows, and produced a long scroll of
+      paper, on which was written a list of necessaries?{2} "which," said the
+      ancient, "take notice, every gentleman provides on his taking possession
+      of his rooms." "And every gentleman's scout claims upon his leaving, take
+      notice" said I. Mark bowed assent.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      I had now both seen and heard enough of college comforts to wish myself
+      safe back again at Eton in the snug, clean, sanded dormitory of my old
+      dame. Looking first at my purse and then at the list of necessaries, I
+      could not resist a sigh on perceiving my <i>new guinea</i>{3} to be
+      already in danger, that it would require some caution to steer clear of
+      the forest of debt,{4} and keep out of <i>south jeopardy</i>,{5} and some
+      talent to gain the <i>new settlements</i>{6} or prevent my being
+      ultimately laid up in the <i>river tick</i>{7} condemned in the <i>Vice-Chancellor's
+      court</i>,{8} and consigned, for the benefit of the captors, to <i>fort
+      marshal</i>.{9}
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1  The circumstance here alluded to actually occurred some
+     time since, when G- C-n and Lord C-e nearly shot Dr.
+     Capplestone of Oriel and his predecessor, Dr. Eveleigh: the
+     former was expelled in consequence.
+
+     2  A list of necessaries consists of all the necessary
+     culinary articles, tea equipage, brooms, brushes, pails, &amp;c.
+     &amp;c. &amp;c.
+
+     3  New guinea&mdash;First possession of income.
+
+     4  Forest of debt&mdash;payment of debts.
+
+     5 South jeopardy&mdash;terrors of insolvency.
+
+     6  Next settlements&mdash;final reckoning.
+
+     7  River tick&mdash;springing out of standing debts, which only==>
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     8  Vice-Chancellor's court&mdash;creditor's last shift.
+
+     9  Fort marshal&mdash;university marshal's post, charge themselves
+     at the expiration of three years by leaving the lake of
+     credit, and meandering through the haunts of a hundred
+     creditors.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[154]</span> "Rather romantic, but not elegant,"
+      said some voices at the door, which, on turning my head, I discovered to
+      be my two friends, Echo and Eglantine, who, suspecting the state of the
+      rooms, from the known character of the previous occupier, had followed me
+      up stairs to enjoy the pleasure of quizzing a novice. "A snug appointment
+      this, old fellow," said Echo. "Very airy and contemplative" rejoined
+      Eglantine, pointing first to the broken window, and after to the mutilated
+      remains of books and furniture. "Quite the larium of a man of genius,"
+      continued the former, "and very fine scope for the exhibition of improved
+      taste." "And an excellent opportunity for raillery," quoth I. "Well, old
+      fellow," said Tom, "I wish you safe through <i>dun territory</i>{10} and
+      the <i>preserve of long bills</i>{11}: if you are not pretty well <i>blunted</i>,{12}
+      the first start will try <i>your wind.</i>" "Courage, Blackmantle," said
+      Eglantine, "we must not have you laid up here in the <i>marshes of
+      impediment</i>{13} with all the horrors of <i>east jeopardy</i>,{14} as if
+      you was lost in the <i>cave of antiquity</i>{15}: rally, my old fellow,
+      for <i>the long hope</i>,{16}shoot past <i>mounts</i>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     10  Dun territory&mdash;circle of creditors to be paid.
+
+     11 Preserve of long bills&mdash;stock of debts to be discharged.
+
+     12 Blunted&mdash;London slang for plenty of money.
+
+     13 Marshes of impediment&mdash;troublesome preparation for the
+     schools.
+
+     14  East jeopardy&mdash;terrors of anticipation.
+
+     15  Cave of antiquity&mdash;depot of old authors.
+
+     16  The long hope&mdash;Johnson defines "a Hope" to be any sloping
+     plain between two ridges of mountains. Here it is the symbol
+     of long expectations in studying for a degree.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[155]</span> <i>Aldrich and Euclid</i>,{17} the <i>Roman
+      tumuli</i>{18} and <i>Point Failure</i>{19} and then, having gained <i>Fount
+      Stagira</i>{20} pass easily through <i>Littlego Vale</i>,{21} reach the
+      summit of the <i>Pindaric heights</i>{22} and set yourself down easy in
+      the <i>temple of Bacchus</i>{23} and the <i>region of rejoicing"{24} "Or
+      if you should fall a sacrifice in the district of {sappers</i>,{25} old
+      fellow!" said Echo, "or founder in <i>Dodd's sound</i>,{26} why, you can
+      retreat to <i>Cam Roads</i>,{27} or lay up for life in the <i>Bay of
+      Condolence</i>."{28} "For heaven's sake, let us leave the <i>Gulf of
+      Misery</i>," said I, alluding to the state of my rooms, "and bend our
+      course where some more amusing novelty presents itself." "To Bagley wood,"
+      said Echo, "to break cover and introduce you to the Egyptians; only I must
+      give my scout directions first to see the old bookseller{29} and have my
+      <i>imposition</i>{30} ready for being absent from chapel this morning, or
+      else I shall be favoured with another
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     17  Mount Aldrich, mount Euclid&mdash;logic and mathematics.
+
+     18  Tumuli raised by the Romans&mdash;difficulties offered by Livy
+     and Tacitus in the studies for first class honours.
+
+     19 Point Failure&mdash;catastrophe of plucking.
+
+     20 Fount Stagira&mdash;fount named after the birth-place of Aris-
+     totle.
+
+     21  Littlego Vale&mdash;orderly step to the first examination.
+
+     22 Pindaric heights&mdash;study of Pindar's odes.
+
+     23  Temple of Bacchus&mdash;merry-making after getting a liceat.
+
+     24 Region of rejoicing&mdash;joy attendant on success in the
+     schools.
+
+     25 District of sabers&mdash;track of those who sap at their quarto
+     and folio volumes.
+
+     26  Dodd's sound&mdash;where the candidate will have to
+     acknowledge the receipt of a certificate empowering him to
+     float down Bachelor Creek.
+
+     27  Cam Roads&mdash;retreat to Cambridge by way of a change.
+
+     28 Bay of Condolence&mdash;where we console our friends, if
+     plucked, and left at a nonplus.
+
+     29 A well-known bookseller in Oxford generally called
+     imposition G-, from his preparing translations for the
+     members of the university.
+
+     30 Imposition&mdash;see prick bill.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[156]</span> visit from the <i>prick bill</i>."{31}
+      "Agreed," said Eglantine, "and Blackmantle and myself will, in the
+      meantime, visit Sadler, and engage a couple of his prime hacks to
+      accompany you."
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     31 Prick bills&mdash;at Christ Church, junior students who prick
+     with a pin the names of those gentlemen who are at chapel.
+     Immediately after the service, the bills, with the noblemen
+     and gentlemen commoners' names, are taken to the dean; those
+     with the students and commoners' names, to the acting censor
+     for the week; and the bachelors' bills to the sub-dean, who
+     generally inform the prick bills what impositions shall be
+     set those gentlemen who absented themselves from chapel:
+     these are written upon strips of paper and carried to the
+     gentlemen by the prick bill's scouts.
+
+     Copy of an original imposition.
+
+     "Sp 259 particular M M C. P. B."&mdash;Signifies translate No. 259
+     Spectator to the word "particular" by Monday morning at
+     chapel time.&mdash;Prick bill.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0037" id="image-0037">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page156.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page156 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0038" id="image-0038">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page157.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page157 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0021" id="link2H_4_0021">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE EXCURSION TO BAGLEY WOOD.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Oxford Scholars and Oxford Livery Men&mdash;How to insure a good
+     Horse and prevent Accidents&mdash;Description of Bagley Wood&mdash;A
+     Freshman breaking cover&mdash;Interview with the Egyptian&mdash;
+     Secrets of Futurity unveiled&mdash;Abingdon Beauties&mdash;Singular
+     Anecdote and History of Mother Goose.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[157]</span> The ride to Bagley Wood introduced me
+      to some new features of a college life, not the least entertaining of
+      which was the dialogue before starting between my friend Eglantine, the
+      livery-stable keeper, and his man, where we went to engage the horses.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Eglan. (to the ostler) Well, Dick, what sort of a stud, hey? any thing
+      rum, a ginger or a miller, three legs or five, got by Whirlwind out of
+      Skyscraper? Come, fig out two lively ones.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Dick. I mun see measter first, zur, before I lets any gentleman take a nag
+      out o' yard. It's more as my place is worth to act otherwise.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Eglan. What coming Tip-street over us, hey, Dick? <span class="pagenum">[158]</span>
+      <i>frisking the freshman</i> here, old fellow? (pointing to me). It won't
+      do&mdash;no go, Dick&mdash;he's my friend, a <i>cawker</i> to be sure, but
+      must not <i>stand Sam</i> to an <i>Oxford raff</i>, or a Yorkshire <i>Johnny
+      Raw</i>.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Dick. I axes pardon, zur. I didna mean any such thing, but ever since you
+      rode the grey tit last, she's never been out o' stall.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Eglan. Not surprised at that, Dick. Never crossed a greater slug in my
+      life&mdash;She's only fit to carry a dean or a bishop&mdash;No go in her.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Dick. No, zur, measter zays as how you took it all out on her.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Eglan. Why, I did give her a winder, Dick, to be sure, only one day's
+      hunting, though, a good hard run over Somerset range, not above sixty
+      miles out and home.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Dick. Ay, I thought as how you'd been in some break-neck tumble-down
+      country, zur, for Tit's knuckels showed she'd had a somerset or two.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Eglan. Well, blister the mare, Dick! there's <i>half a bull</i> for your
+      trouble: now put us on the right scent for a good one: any thing young and
+      fresh, sprightly and shewy?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Dick. Why, there be such a one to be zure, zur, but you munna split on me,
+      or I shall get the zack for telling on ye. If you'll sken yon stable at
+      end o' the yard, there be two prime tits just com'd in from Abingdon fair,
+      thorough-bred and devils to go, but measter won't let 'em out.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Eglan. Won't he? here he comes, and we'll try what a little persuasion
+      will do. (Enter Livery Man.) Well, old fellow, I've brought you a new
+      friend, Blackmantle of Brazennose: what sort of <i>praxis</i> can you give
+      us for a trot to Bagley Wood, a short ride for something shewy to <i>lionise</i>
+      a bit?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Livery M. Nothing new, sir, and you know all the stud pretty well
+      (knowingly). Suppose you try the grey mare you rode t'other day, and I'll
+      find a quiet one for your friend.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[159]</span> Eglan. If I do, I am a <i>black horse</i>.
+      She's no paces, nothing <i>but a shuffle</i>, not a <i>leg to stand on</i>.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Livery M. Every one as good as the principal of All-Souls. Not a better
+      bred thing in Oxford, and all horses here gallop by instinct, as every
+      body knows, but they can't go for ever, and when gentlemen ride steeple
+      chases of sixty miles or more right a-head, they ought to find their own
+      horse-flesh.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Eglan. What coming <i>crabb</i> over us, old fellow, hey 1 Very well, I
+      shall bolt and try Randall, and that's all about it. Come along,
+      Blackmantle.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      My friend's threat of withdrawing his patronage had immediately the
+      desired effect. Horace's judgment in horse-flesh was universally admitted,
+      and the knowing dealer, although he had suffered in one instance by hard
+      riding, yet deeply calculated on retrieving his loss by some unsuspecting
+      Freshman, or other university Nimrod in the circle of Eglantine's
+      acquaintance. By this time Echo had arrived, and we were soon mounted on
+      the two fresh purchases which the honest Yorkshireman had so
+      disinterestedly pointed out; and which, to do him justice, deserved the
+      eulogium he had given us on their merits. One circumstance must not
+      however be forgotten, which was the following notice posted at the end of
+      the yard. "To prevent accidents, gentlemen pay <i>before mounting</i>."
+      "How the deuce can this practice of paying beforehand prevent accidents?"
+      said I. "You're fresh, old fellow," said Echo, "or you'd understand after
+      a man breaks his neck he fears no duns. Now you know by accident what old
+      Humanity there means."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Bagley is about two miles and a half from Oxford on the Abingdon road, an
+      exceedingly pleasant ride, leaving the sacred city and passing over the
+      old bridge where formerly was situated the study or observatory of the
+      celebrated Friar Bacon. Not an object in the shape of a petticoat escaped
+      some raillery, and scarcely <span class="pagenum">[160]</span> a town <i>raff</i>
+      but what met with a corresponding display of university wit, and called
+      forth many a cutting joke: the place itself is an extensive wood on the
+      summit of a hill, which commands a glorious panoramic view of Oxford and
+      the surrounding country richly diversified in hill and dale, and sacred
+      spires shooting their varied forms on high above the domes, and minarets,
+      and towers of Rhedycina. This spot, the favourite haunt of the Oxonians,
+      is covered for many miles with the most luxuriant foliage, affording the
+      cool retreat, the love embowered shades, over which Prudence spreads the
+      friendly veil. Here many an amorous couple have in softest dalliance met,
+      and sighed, and frolicked, free from suspicion's eye beneath the broad
+      umbrageous canopy of Nature; here too is the favourite retreat of the
+      devotees of Cypriani, the spicy grove of assignations where the velvet
+      sleeves of the Proctor never shake with terror in the wind, and the savage
+      form of the university <i>bull dog</i> is unknown.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A party of wandering English Arabs had pitched their tents on the brow of
+      the hill just under the first cluster of trees, and materially increased
+      the romantic appearance of the scene. The group consisted of men, women,
+      and children, a tilted cart with two or three asses, and a lurcher who
+      announced our approach. My companions were, I soon found, well known to
+      the females, who familiarly approached our party, while the male animals
+      as condescendingly betook themselves into the recesses of the wood. "Black
+      Nan," said Echo, "and her daughter, the gypsy beauty, the Bagley
+      brunette."&mdash;"Shall I tell your honour's fortune?" said the elder of
+      the two, approaching me; while Eglantine, who had already dismounted and
+      given his horse to one of the brown urchins of the party, had encircled
+      the waist of the younger sibyl, and was tickling her into a trot in an
+      opposite direction. "Ay do, Nan," <span class="pagenum">[161]</span> said
+      Echo, "cast his nativity, open the book of fate, and tell the boy his
+      future destiny." It would be the height of absurdity to repeat half the
+      nonsense this oracle of Bagley uttered relative to my future fortunes; but
+      with the cunning peculiar to her cast, she discovered I was fresh, and
+      what tormented me more, (although on her part it was no doubt accidental)
+      alluded to an amour in which my heart was much interested with a little
+      divinity in the neighbourhood of Eton. This hint was sufficient to give
+      Tom his cue, and I was doomed to be pestered for the remainder of the day
+      with questions and raillery on my progress in the court of Love. On our
+      quitting the old gypsy woman, a pair of buxom damsels came in sight,
+      advancing from the Abingdon road; they were no doubt like ourselves, I
+      thought, come to consult the oracle of Bagley, or, perhaps, were the
+      daughters of some respectable farmer who owned the adjoining land. All
+      these doubts were, however, of short duration; for Tom Echo no sooner
+      caught sight of their faces, than away he bounded towards them like a
+      young colt in all the frolic of untamed playfulness, and before I could
+      reach him, one of the ladies was rolling on the green carpet of luxuriant
+      Nature. In the deep bosom of Bagley Wood, impervious to the eye of
+      authority, many a sportive scene occurs which would alarm the ethics of
+      the solemn sages of the cloistered college. They were, I discovered,
+      sisters, too early abandoned by an unfeeling parent to poverty, and thus
+      became an easy prey to the licentious and the giddy, who, in the pursuit
+      of pleasure, never contemplate the attendant misery which is sure to
+      follow the victim of seduction. There was something romantic in their
+      story: they were daughters of the celebrated Mother Goose, whose person
+      must have been familiar to every Oxonian for the last sixty years prior to
+      her decease, which occurred but a short time since Of <span class="pagenum">[162]</span>
+      this woman's history I have since gleaned some curious particulars, the
+      most remarkable of which (contained in the annexed note) have been
+      authenticated by living witnesses.{1} Her portrait, by a member of All
+      Souls, is admirable, and is here faithfully copied.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0039" id="image-0039">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page162.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page162 " />
+    </div>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 "<i>Mother Goose</i>," formerly a procuress, and one of the
+     most abandoned of her profession. When from her advanced
+     age, and the loss of her eye-sight, she could no longer
+     obtain money by seducing females from the path of virtue,
+     she married a man of the name of H., (commonly called
+     Gentleman H.) and for years was led by him to the students'
+     apartments in the different colleges with baskets of the
+     choicest flowers. Her ancient, clean, and neat appearance,
+     her singular address, and, above all, the circumstance of
+     her being blind, never failed of procuring her at least ten
+     times the price of her posy, and which was frequently
+     doubled when she informed the young gentlemen of the
+     generosity, benevolence, and charity of their grandfathers,
+     fathers, or uncles whom she knew when they were at college.
+     She had several illegitimate children, all females, and all
+     were sacrificed by their unnatural mother, except one, who
+     was taken away from her at a very tender age by the child's
+     father's parents. When of age, this child inherited her
+     father's property, and is now (I believe) the wife of an
+     Irish nobleman, and to this time is unconscious that Mother
+     Goose, of Oxford, gave her birth. The person who was
+     instrumental in removing the child is still living in
+     Oxford, and will testify to the authenticity of the fact
+     here related. His present majesty never passed through
+     Oxford without presenting Mother Goose with a donation, but
+     of course without knowing her early history.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[163]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Having, as Echo expressed it, now broke cover, and being advanced one step
+      in the study of the fathers, we prepared to quit the Abingdon fair and
+      rural shades of Bagley on our return to Oxford, something lighter in
+      pocket, and a little too in morality. We raced the whole of the distance
+      home, to the great peril of several groups of town raff whom we passed in
+      our way. On our arrival my friends had each certain lectures to attend, or
+      college duties to perform. An idle Freshman, there was yet three hours
+      good before the invitation to the spread, and as kind fortune willed it to
+      amuse the time, a packet arrived from Horatio Heartley. He had been
+      spending the winter in town with his aunt, Lady Mary Oldstyle, and had,
+      with his usual tact, been sketching the varied groups which form the
+      circle of fashionable life. It was part of the agreement between us, when
+      leaving each other at Eton, that we should thus communicate the
+      characteristic traits of the society we were about to amalgamate with. He
+      has, in the phraseology of the day, just come out, and certainly appears
+      to have made the best use of his time.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      === <a name="link2H_4_0022" id="link2H_4_0022">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      KENSINGTON GARDENS&mdash;SUNDAY EVENING.
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      Singularities of 1824.
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0040" id="image-0040">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page164.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page164 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[164]</span> WESTERN ENTRANCE INTO THE METROPOLIS; A
+      DESCRIPTIVE SKETCH.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     General Views of the Author relative to Subject and Style&mdash;
+     Time and Place&mdash;Perspective Glimpse of the great City&mdash;The
+     Approach&mdash;Cockney Salutations&mdash;The Toll House&mdash;Western
+     Entrance to Cockney Land&mdash;Hyde Park&mdash;Sunday Noon&mdash;
+     Sketches of Character, Costume, and Scenery&mdash;The Ride and
+     Drive&mdash;Kensington Gardens&mdash;Belles and Beaux&mdash;Stars and
+     Fallen Stars&mdash;Singularities of 1824&mdash;Tales of Ton&mdash;On Dits
+     and Anecdotes&mdash;Sunday Evening&mdash;High Life and Low Life, the
+     Contrast&mdash;Cockney Goths&mdash;Notes, Biographical, Amorous, and
+     Exquisite.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0041" id="image-0041">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page165.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page165-th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page165" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Its wealth and fashion, wit and folly,
+          Pleasures, whims, and melancholy:
+          Of all the charming belles and beaux
+          Who line the parks, in double rows;
+          Of princes, peers, their equipage,
+          The splendour of the present age;
+          Of west-end fops, and crusty cits,
+          Who drive their gigs, or sport their tits;
+          With all the groups we mean to dash on
+          Who form the busy world of fashion:
+          Proceeding onwards to the city,
+          With sketches, humorous and witty.
+          The man of business, and the Change,
+          Will come within our satire's range:
+          Nor rank, nor order, nor condition,
+          Imperial, lowly, or patrician,
+          Shall, when they see this volume, cry&mdash;
+          "The satirist has pass'd us by,"
+          But with good humour view our page
+          Depict the manners of the age.
+          Our style shall, like our subject, be
+          Distinguished by variety;
+          Familiar, brief we could say too&mdash;
+          (It shall be whimsical and new),
+          But reader that we leave to you.
+
+          'Twas morn, the genial sun of May
+          O'er nature spread a cheerful ray,
+          When Cockney Land, clothed in her best,
+          We saw, approaching from the west,
+          And 'mid her steeples straight and tall
+          Espied the dome of famed St. Paul,
+          Surrounded with a cloud of smoke
+          From many a kitchen chimney broke;
+          A nuisance since consumed below
+          By bill of Michael Angelo.{1}
+          The coach o'er stones was heard to rattle,
+
+     1 M. A. Taylor's act for compelling all large factories,
+     which have steam and other apparatus, to consume their own
+     smoke.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[166]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          The guard his bugle tuned for battle,
+          The horses snorted with delight,
+          As Piccadilly came in sight.
+          On either side the road was lined
+          With vehicles of ev'ry kind,
+          And as the rapid wheel went round,
+          There seem'd scarce room to clear the ground.
+          "Gate-gate-push on&mdash;how do&mdash;well met&mdash;
+          Pull up&mdash;my tits are on the fret&mdash;
+          The number&mdash;lost it&mdash;tip then straight,
+          That covey vants to bilk the gate."
+          The toll-house welcome this to town.
+          Your prime, flash, bang up, fly, or down,
+          A tidy team of prads,&mdash;your castor's
+          Quite a Joliffe tile,&mdash;my master.
+          Thus buck and coachee greet each other,
+          And seem familiar as a brother.
+          No Chinese wall, or rude barrier,
+          Obstructs the view, or entrance here;
+          Nor fee or passport,&mdash;save the warder,
+          Who draws to keep the roads in order;
+          No questions ask'd, but all that please
+          May pass and repass at their ease.
+
+          In cockney land, the seventh day
+          Is famous for a grand display
+          Of modes, of finery, and dress,
+          Of cit, west-ender, and noblesse,
+          Who in Hyde Park crowd like a fair
+          To stare, and lounge, and take the air,
+          Or ride or drive, or walk, and chat
+          On fashions, scandal, and all that.&mdash;
+          Here, reader, with your leave, will we
+          Commence our London history.
+          'Twas Sunday, and the park was full
+          With Mistress, John, and Master Bull,
+          And all their little fry.
+          The crowd pour in from all approaches,
+          Tilb'ries, dennets, gigs, and coaches;
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[167]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          The bells rung merrily.
+          Old dowagers, their fubsy faces{2}
+          Painted to eclipse the Graces,
+          Pop their noddles out
+          Of some old family affair
+          That's neither chariot, coach, or chair,
+          Well known at ev'ry rout.
+          But bless me, who's that coach and six?
+          "That, sir, is Mister Billy Wicks,
+          A great light o' the city,
+          Tallow-chandler, and lord mayor{3};
+          Miss Flambeau Wicks's are the fair,
+          Who're drest so very pretty.
+          It's only for a year you know
+          He keeps up such a flashy show;
+          And then he's melted down.
+          The man upon that half-starved nag{4}
+          Is an Ex-S&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;ff, a strange wag,
+          Half flash, and half a clown.
+          But see with artful lures and wiles
+          The Paphian goddess, Mrs. G***s,{5}
+
+     2 There are from twenty to thirty of these well known relics
+     of antiquity who regularly frequent the park, and attend all
+     the fashionable routs,&mdash;perfumed and painted with the
+     utmost extravagance: if the wind sets in your face, they may
+     be scented at least a dozen carriages off.
+
+     3 It is really ludicrous to observe the ridiculous pride of
+     some of these ephemeral things;&mdash;during their mayoralty, the
+     gaudy city vehicle with four richly caparisoned horses is
+     constantly in the drive, with six or eight persons crammed
+     into it like a family waggon, and bedizened out in all the
+     colours of the rainbow;&mdash;ask for them six months after, and
+     you shall find them more suitably employed, packing rags,
+     oranges, or red herrings.
+
+     4 This man is such a strange compound of folly and
+     eccentricity, that he is eternally in hot water with some
+     one or other.
+
+     5  Mrs. Fanny G-1-s, the ci-devant wife of a corn merchant,
+     a celebrated courtezan, who sports a splendid equipage, and
+     has long figured upon town as a star of the first order in
+     the Cyprian hemisphere. She has some excellent qualities,
+     as poor M&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-n can vouch; for when the fickle goddess
+     Fortune left him in the lurch, she has a handsome annuity
+     from a sporting peer, who was once the favoured swain.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[168]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          From out her carriage peeps;
+          She nods to am'rous Mrs. D&mdash;&mdash;-,{6}
+          Who bends with most sublime congee,
+          While ruin'd&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-sleeps.
+          Who follows 1 'tis the hopeful son
+          Of the proud Earl of H&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-n,
+          Who stole the parson's wife.{7}
+          The Earl of H&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-and flame,
+          For cabriolets she's the dame,{8}
+          A dasher, on my life.
+          Jack T&mdash;&mdash;-1 shows his pleasant face{9};
+          A royal likeness here you'll trace,
+          You'd swear he was a Guelph.
+          See Lady Mary's U&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;walk,{10}
+          And though but aide-de-camp to York,
+          An Adonis with himself,
+
+     6  Mrs. D&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-, alias Mrs. B-k-y, alias Miss Montague,
+     the wife of poor Jem B-k-y, the greater his misfortune,&mdash;a
+     well known Paphian queen, one of five sisters, who are all
+     equally notorious, and whose history is well known. She is
+     now the favoured sultana of a ci-devant banker, whose name
+     she assumes, to the disgrace of himself and family.
+
+     7  The clerical cornuto recovered, in a crim. con. action,
+     four thousand pounds for the loss of his frail rib, from
+     this hopeful sprig of nobility.
+
+     8  Mrs. S&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;, a most voluptuous lady, the discarded chère
+     amie of the late Lord F-1-d, said to be the best carriage
+     woman in the park: she lies in the Earl of H&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-
+     &mdash;'s cabriolet most delightfully stretched out at full
+     length, and in this elegant posture is driven through the
+     park.
+
+     9  Captain T&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;l of the guards, whose powerful similitude
+     to the reigning family of England is not more generally
+     admitted than his good-humoured qualities are universally
+     admired.
+
+     10 The Hon. General U&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-, aide-de-camp to the Duke of
+     York, whose intrigue with Lady Mary&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;was, we have
+     heard, a planned affair to entrap a very different person.
+     Be that as it may, it answered the purpose, and did not
+     disturb the friendship of the parties. The honourable
+     general has obtained the appellation of the Park Adonis,
+     from his attractive figure and known gallantries.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[169]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          A&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-y mark, a batter'd beau,{11}
+          Who'll still the fatal dice-box throw
+          Till not a guinea's left.
+          Beyond's the brothers B&mdash;&mdash;-e,{12}
+          Of gold and acres quite as free,
+          By gaming too bereft.
+          Here trips commercial dandy Ra-k-s,{13}
+
+     11   Lord A&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;y, the babe of honour&mdash;once the gayest of
+     the gay, where fashion holds her bright enchanting court;
+     now wrinkled and depressed, and plucked of every feather, by
+     merciless Greek banditti. Such is the infatuation of play,
+     that he still continues to linger round the fatal table, and
+     finds a pleasure in recounting his enormous losses. A&mdash;-y,
+     who is certainly one of the most polished men in the
+     world, was the leader of the dandy club, or the unique four,
+     composed of Beau Brummell, Sir Henry Mildmay, and Henry
+     Pierrepoint, the Ambassador, as he is generally termed. When
+     the celebrated dandy ball was given to his Majesty (then
+     Prince of Wales), on that occasion the prince seemed
+     disposed to cut Brummell, who, in revenge, coolly
+     observed to A&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;y, when he was gone,&mdash;"Big Ben was vulgar
+     as usual." This was reported at Carlton House, and led to
+     the disgrace of the exquisite.&mdash;Shortly afterwards he met the
+     Prince and A&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;y in public, arm in arm, when the former,
+     desirous of avoiding him, quitted the baron: Brummell, who
+     observed his motive, said loud enough to be heard by the
+     prince,&mdash;"Who is that fat friend of yours?" This expression
+     sealed his doom; he was never afterwards permitted the
+     honour of meeting the parties at the palace. The story of
+     "George, ring the bell," and the reported conduct of the
+     prince, who is said to have obeyed the request and ordered
+     Mr. Brummell's carriage, is, we have strong reasons for
+     thinking, altogether a fiction: Brummell knew the dignity of
+     his host too well to have dared such an insult. The king
+     since generously sent him 300L. when he heard of his
+     distress at Calais. Brummell was the son of a tavern-keeper
+     in St. James's, and is still living at Calais.
+
+     12 The brothers are part of a flock of R&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;r geese, who
+     have afforded fine plucking for the Greeks. Parson Ambrose,
+     the high priest of Pandemonium, had a leg of one and a wing
+     of the other devilled for supper one night at the Gothic
+     Hall. They have cut but a lame figure ever since.
+
+     13 A quaint cognomen given to the city banker by the west-
+     end beaux;&mdash;he is a very amiable man.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[170]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Who never plays for heavy stakes,
+          But looks to the main chance.
+          There's Georgy W-b-ll, all the go,{14}
+          The mould of fashion,&mdash;the court beau,
+          Since Brummell fled to France:
+          His bright brass harness, and the gray,
+          The well known black cabriolet,
+          Is always latest there;
+          The reason,&mdash;George, with Captain P&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;
+          The lady-killing coterie,
+          Come late&mdash;to catch the fair.
+          See W-s-r, who with pious love,{15}
+          For her, who's sainted now above,
+          A sister kindly takes;
+          So, as the ancient proverb tells,
+          "The best of husbands, modern belles,
+          Are your reformed rakes."
+          In splendid mis'ry down the ride
+          Alone,&mdash;see ****** lady glide,{16}
+          Neglected for a&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;.
+          What's fame, or titles, wealth's increase,
+          Compared unto the bosom's peace?
+          They're bubbles,&mdash;nothing more.
+
+     14 George, although a <i>roué</i> of the most superlative order,
+     is not deficient in good sense and agreeable qualifications.
+     Since poor Beau Brummell's removal from the hemisphere of
+     fashion, George has certainly shone a planet of the first
+     magnitude: among the fair he is also considered like his
+     friend, Captain P-r-y, a perfect lady-killer:&mdash;many a little
+     milliner's girl has had cause to regret the seductive notes
+     of A.Z.B. Limmer's Hotel.
+
+     15 The Marquis of W-c-t-r has, since his first wife's death,
+     married her sister.&mdash;Reformation, we are happy to perceive,
+     is the order of the day. The failure of Howard and Gibbs
+     involved more than one noble family in embarrassments.
+
+     16 The amours of this child of fortune are notorious both on
+     the continent and in this country. It is very often the
+     misfortune of great men to be degraded by great profligacy
+     of conduct: the poor lady is a suffering angel.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[171]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Observe yon graceful modest group{17}
+          Who look like chaste Diana's troop,
+          The Ladies Molineaux;
+          With Sefton, the Nimrod of peers,
+          As old in honesty,&mdash;as years,
+          A stanch true buff' and blue.
+          "What portly looking man is that
+          In plain blue coat,&mdash;to whom each hat
+          Is moved in ride and walk!"
+          That pleasant fellow, be it known,
+          Is heir presumptive to the throne,
+          'Tis Frederick of York.{18}
+          A better, kinder hearted soul
+          You will not And, upon the whole,
+          Within the British isle.
+          But see where P-t's wife appears,{19}
+          Who changed, though rather late in years,
+          For honest George Ar-le.
+          Now by my faith it gives me pain
+
+     17  The female branches of the Sefton family are superior to
+     the slightest breath of calumny, and present an example to
+     the peerage worthy of more general imitation.
+
+     18  No member of the present royal family displays more
+     agreeable qualifications in society than the heir
+     presumptive.&mdash;Un-affected, affable, and free, the duke may be
+     seen daily pacing St. James's-street, Pall-mall, or the
+     Park, very often wholly un-attended: as his person is
+     familiar to the public, he never experiences the slightest
+     inconvenience from curiosity, and he is so generally
+     beloved, that none pass him who know him without paying
+     their tribute of respect. In all the private relations of
+     life he is a most estimable man,&mdash;in his public situation
+     indefatigable, prompt, and attentive to the meanest applica-
+     tion.
+
+     19  A more lamentable instance of the profligacy of the age
+     cannot be found than in the history of the transaction which
+     produced this exchange of wives and persons. A wag of the
+     day published a new list of promotions headed as follows,&mdash;
+     Lady B&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;n to be Lady A&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;r P-t,&mdash;by exchange&mdash;Lady P-t
+     to be Duchess of A&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;e,&mdash;by promotion&mdash;Lady Charlotte W&mdash;y
+     to be Lady P-t, vice Lady P-t, promoted.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[172]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          To see thee, cruel Lady J-,{20}
+          Regret the golden Ball.
+          Tis useless now:&mdash;"the fox and grapes"
+          Remember, and avoid the apes
+          Which wait an old maid's fall.
+          Gay lady H&mdash;&mdash;-e's twinkling star{21}
+
+     20  It is not long since that, inspired by love or ambition,
+     a wealthy commoner sought the promise of the fair hand of
+     Lady J-, nor was the consent of her noble father (influenced
+     by certain weighty reasons*) wanting to complete the
+     anticipated happiness of the suitor.&mdash;All the preliminary
+     forms were arranged,&mdash;jointure and pin money liberally
+     fixed,&mdash;some legal objections as to a covenant of forfeiture
+     overcame, a suitable establishment provided. The happy day
+     was fixed, when&mdash;"mark inconstant fickle woman"&mdash;the evening
+     previous to completion (to the surprise of all the town),
+     she changed her mind; she had reconsidered the subject!&mdash;The
+     man was wealthy, and attractive in person; but then&mdash;
+     insupportable objection&mdash;he was a mere plebeian, a common
+     esquire, and his name was odious,&mdash;Lady J- B-1,&mdash;she could
+     never endure it: the degrading thought produced a fainting
+     fit,&mdash;the recovery a positive refusal,&mdash;the circumstance a
+     week's amusement to the fashionable world. Reflection and
+     disappointment succeeded, and a revival was more than once
+     spoken of; but the recent marriage of the bachelor put an
+     end to all conjecture, and the poor lady was for some time
+     left to bewail in secret her single destiny. Who can say,
+     when a lady has the golden ball at her foot, where she may
+     kick it? Circumstances which have occurred since the above
+     was written prove that the lady has anticipated our advice.
+
+     21  Her ladyship's crimson vis-à-vis and her tall footman
+     are both highly attractive&mdash;there are no seats in the
+     vehicle&mdash;the fair owner reclines on a splendid crimson velvet
+     divan or cushion. She must now be considered a beauty of the
+     last century, being already turned of fifty: still she
+     continued to flourish in the annals of&mdash;fashion, until
+     within the last few years; when she ceased to go abroad for
+     amusement, finding it more convenient to purchase it at
+     home. As her parties in Grosvenor-square are of the most
+     splendid description, and her dinners (where she is the
+     presiding deity, and the only one) are frequent, and
+     unrivalled for a display of the "savoir vivre," her ladyship
+     can always draw on the gratitude of her guests for that
+     homage to hospitality which she must cease to expect to her
+     charms, "now in the sear and yellow leaf:"&mdash;she is a M-nn-
+     rs-"verbum sal." Speaking of M-nn-ra, where is the portly
+     John (the Regent's double, as he was called some few years
+     since), and the amiable duchess, who bestowed her hand and
+     fortune upon him?&mdash;but, n'importe.
+
+     * The marquis is said to have shown some aversion in the
+     first instance, till H-s B-1 sent his rent roll for his
+     inspection: this was immediately returned with a very
+     satisfactory reply, but accompanied with a more embarrassing
+     request, namely, a sight of his pedigree.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[173]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Glimmers in eclipse,&mdash;afar's
+          The light of former time.
+          In gorgeous pride and vis-à-vis,{22}
+          A-b-y's orange livry see,
+          The gayest in the clime.
+          Camac and wife, in chariot green,
+          Constant as turtle-doves are seen,
+          With two bronze slaves behind;
+          Next H-tf-d's comely, widow'd dame,{23}
+          With am'rous G&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;, a favourite name,
+          When G&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;was true and kind.
+
+     22   "The gorgeous A-b-y in the sun-flower's pride." This
+     lady's vis-à-vis by far the most splendidly rich on town.
+     Her footmen (of which there are four on drawing-room days)
+     are a proper emblem of that gaudy flower&mdash;bright yellow
+     liveries, black lower garments, spangled and studded. There
+     is a general keeping in this gorgeous equipage, which is
+     highly creditable to the taste of the marchioness, for the
+     marquis, "good easy man," (though a Bruce), he is too much
+     engaged preserving his game at Ro-er-n park, and keeping up
+     the game in St. Stephen's (where his influence is
+     represented by no less than eight "sound men and true"), to
+     attend to these trifling circumstances. This, with a well
+     paid rental of upwards of £100,000 per annum, makes the life
+     of this happy pair pass in an uninterrupted stream of
+     fashionable felicity.
+
+     23  The marchioness is said to bear the neglect of a certain
+     capricious friend with much cool philosophy. Soon after the
+     intimacy had ceased, they met by accident. On the sofa, by
+     the side of the inconstant, sat the reigning favourite; the
+     marchioness placed herself (uninvited) on the opposite side:
+     astonishment seized the ****; he rose, made a very graceful
+     bow to one of the ladies, and coolly observed to the
+     marchesa&mdash;"If this conduct is repeated, I must decline
+     meeting you in public."   This was the cut royal.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[174]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          See S-b-y's peeress, whom each fool
+          Of fashion meets in Sunday school,{24}
+          To chat in learned lore;
+          Where rhyming peers, and letter'd beaus,
+          Blue stocking belles to love dispose,
+          And wit is deem'd a bore.
+          With brave Sir Ronald, toe to toe,
+          See Mrs. M-h-l A-g-lo,{25}
+          Superb equestriana.
+          Next&mdash;that voluptuous little dame,{26}
+          Who sets the dandy world in flame,
+          The female Giovanni.
+          Erin's sprightly beauteous belle,
+          Gay Lady G-t-m, and her swell
+          The Yorkshire Whiskerandoes.{27}
+
+     24 The dulness of the marchioness's Sunday evening conver-
+     saziones have obtained them the fashionable appellation of
+     the Sunday-school. Lord Byron thought it highly dangerous
+     for any wit to accept a second invitation, lest he should be
+     inoculated with ennui.
+
+     23 Mrs. M- A-g-e, a very amiable and accomplished woman,
+     sister to Sir H-y V-ne T-p-t. She is considered the best
+     female equestrian in the ride.
+
+     26  A consideration for the delicacy of our fair readers
+     will not allow us to enter upon the numerous amours of this
+     favourite of Apollo and the Muses, and not less celebrated
+     intriguant. She may, however, have ample justice entailed
+     upon her under another head. Latterly, since the police have
+     been so active in suppressing the gaming houses, a small
+     party have met with security and profit for a little chicken
+     hazard in Curzon-street, at which Mr. C-t has occasionally
+     acted as croupier and banker. Elliston used to say, when
+     informed of the sudden indisposition or absence of a certain
+     little actress and singer-"Ay, I understand; she has a more
+     profitable engagement than mine this evening." The amorous
+     trio, Cl-g-t, Charles H-r-s, and the exquisite Master G-e,
+     may not have cause to complain of neglect. The first of
+     these gentlemen has lately, we understand, been very
+     successful at play; we trust experience will teach him
+     prudence.
+
+     27  His lordship commands the York hussars, in defence of
+     whose whiskers he sometime since made a Quixotic attack upon
+     a public writer. As he is full six feet high, and we are not
+     quite five, prudence bids us place our finger on our lip.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[175]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Pale Lambton, he who loves and hates
+          By turns, what Pitts, or Pit, creates,
+          Led by the Whig fandangoes.
+          Sound folly's trumpet, fashion's drums,&mdash;
+          Here great A&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;y W&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;ce comes,{28}
+          'Mong tailors, a red button.
+          With luminarious nose and cheeks,
+          Which love of much good living speaks,
+          Observe the city glutton:
+          Sir W-m, admiral of yachts,
+          Of turtles, capons, port, and pots,
+          In curricle so big.
+          Jack F-r follows;&mdash;Jack's a wag,{29}
+
+     28  A&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;y W&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;o, Esq. otherwise the renowned Billy
+     Button, the son and heir to the honours, fortune, and
+     shopboard of the late Billy Button of Bedford-street, Covent
+     Garden. The latter property he appears to have transferred
+     to the front of the old brown landau, where the aged
+     coachman, with nose as flat as the ace of clubs, sits,
+     transfixed and rigid as the curls of his caxon, from three
+     till six every Sunday evening, urging on a cabbage-fed pair
+     of ancient prods, which no exertion of the venerable Jehu
+     has been able for the last seven years to provoke into a
+     trot from Hyde park gate to that of Cumberland and back
+     again. The contents of the vehicle are equally an
+     exhibition. Billy, with two watches hung by one chain,
+     undergoing the revolutionary movements of buckets in a
+     well, and his eye-glass set round with false pearls, are
+     admirably "en suite" with his bugle optics. The frowsy
+     madam in faded finery, with all the little Buttons, attended
+     by a red-haired poor relation from Inverness (who is at once
+     their governess and their victim), form the happy tenantry
+     of this moving closet. No less than three, crests surmount
+     the arms of this descendant of Wallace the Great. A waggish
+     Hibernian, some few months since, added a fourth, by
+     chalking a goose proper, crested with a cabbage, which was
+     observed and laughed at by every one in the park except the
+     purblind possessor of the vehicle, who was too busy in
+     looking at himself.
+
+     29  Honest Jack is no longer an M.P., to the great regret of
+     the admirers of senatorial humours. Some few years since,
+     being Btuehi plenus, he reeled into St. Stephen's chapel a
+     little out of a perpendicular; when the then dignified Abbot
+     having called him to order, he boldly and vociferously
+     asserted that "Jack F-r of Rose-Hill was not to be set down
+     by any little fellow in a wig. "This offence against the
+     person and high office of the Abbot of St. Stephen's brought
+     honest Jack upon his knees, to get relieved from a
+     troublesome serjeant attendant of the chapel. Knowing his
+     own infirmities, and fearing perhaps that he might be com-
+     pelled to make another compulsory prayer, Jack resigned his
+     pretensions to senatorial honors at the last general
+     election. His chief amusement, when in town, is the watching
+     and tormenting the little marchandes des modes who cross
+     over or pass in the neighbourhood of Regent-street&mdash;he is,
+     however, perfectly harmless. 30 An unlucky accident,
+     occasioned by little Th-d the wine merchant overturning F-z-y
+     in his tandem, compelled the latter to sell out of the
+     army, but not without having lost a leg in the service. A
+     determined patriot, he was still resolved to serve his
+     country. A barrister on one leg might be thought ominous of
+     his client's cause, or afford food for the raillery of his
+     opponent. The bar was therefore rejected. But the church
+     opened her arms to receive the dismembered son of Mars (a
+     parson with a cork leg, or two wooden ones, or indeed
+     without a leg to stand on, was not un-orthodox), and F-z-y
+     was soon inducted to a valuable benefice. He is now, we
+     believe, a pluralist, and, if report be true, has shown
+     something of the old soldier in his method of retaining
+     them. F-y married Miss Wy-d-m, the daughter of Mrs. H-s, who
+     was the admired of his brother, L-d P-. He is generally
+     termed the fighting parson, and considered one of the best
+     judges of a horse in town: he sometimes does a little
+     business in that way among the young ones.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[176]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          A jolly dog, who sports his nag,
+          Or queers the Speaker's wig:
+          To Venus, Jack is stanch and true;
+          To Bacchus pays devotion too,
+          But likes not bully Mars.
+          Next him, some guardsmen, exquisite,-
+          A well-dress'd troop;&mdash;but as to fight,
+          It may leave ugly scars.
+          Here a church militant is seen,{30}
+          Who'd rather fight than preach I ween,
+          Once major, now a parson;
+          With one leg in the grave, he'll laugh,
+          Chant up a pard, or quaintly chaff,
+          To keep life's pleasant farce on.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[177]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Lord Arthur Hill his Arab sports,
+          And gentle-usher to the courts:
+          See Horace and Kang C-k,{31}
+          Who, with the modern Mokamna
+          C-m-e, must ever bear the sway
+          For ugliness of look.
+          A pair of ancients you may spy,{32}
+          Sir Edward and Sir Carnaby,
+          From Brighton just set free;
+          The jesters of our lord the king,
+          Who loves a joke, and aids the thing
+          In many a sportive way.
+          A motley group come rattling on,{33}
+
+     31 Horace S-y-r, gentleman usher to the king, and K-g C-k,
+     said to be the ugliest man in the British army: in the park
+     he is rivalled only by C-c. For the benefit of all the
+     married ladies, we would recommend both of these
+     singularities to wear the veil in public.
+
+     32 Sir Ed-d N-g-e. His present majesty is not less fond of a
+     pleasant joke than his laughter-loving predecessor, Charles
+     II. The Puke of Clarence, while at the Pavilion (a short
+     time since), admired a favourite grey pony of Sir E-d N-e's;
+     in praise of whose qualities the baronet was justly liberal.
+     After the party had returned to the palace, the duke, in
+     concert with the k-g, slily gave directions to have the pony
+     painted and disfigured (by spotting him with water colour
+     and attaching a long tail), and then brought on the lawn. In
+     this state he was shown to Sir E&mdash;, as one every way
+     superior to his own. After examining him minutely, the old
+     baronet found great fault with the pony; and being, at the
+     duke's request, induced to mount him, objected to all his
+     paces, observing that he was not half equal to his grey. The
+     king was amazingly amused with the sagacity of the good-
+     humoured baronet, and laughed heartily at the astonishment
+     he expressed when convinced of the deception practised upon
+     him. Sir C-n-y H-s-ne, although a constant visitor at the
+     Pavilion, is not particularly celebrated for any attractive
+     qualification, unless it be his unlimited love of little
+     ladies. He is known to all the horse dealers round London,
+     from his constant inquiries for a "nice quiet little horse
+     to carry a lady;" but we never heard of his making a
+     purchase.
+
+     33 The middle order of society was formerly in England the
+     most virtuous of the three&mdash;folly and vice reared their
+     standard and recruited their ranks in the highest and the
+     lowest; but the medium being now lost, all is in the
+     extreme. The superlative dandy inhabitant of a first floor
+     from the ground in Bond-street, and the finished inhabitant
+     of a first floor from heaven (who lives by diving) in Fleet-
+     street, are in kindness and habits precisely the same.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[178]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Who ape the style and dress of ton,
+          And Scarce are worth review;
+          Yet forced to note the silly elves,
+          Who take such pains to note themselves,
+          We'll take a name or two.
+          H-s-ly, a thing of shreds and patches,{34}
+          Whose manners with his calling matches,
+          That is, he's a mere goose.
+          Old St-z of France, a worthy peer,
+          From shopboard rais'd him to a sphere
+          Of ornament and use.
+          The double dandy, fashion's fool,
+          The lubin log of Liverpool,
+          Fat Mister A-p-ll,
+          Upon his cob, just twelve hands high,
+          A mountain on a mouse you'll spy
+          Trotting towards the Mall.
+          Sir *&mdash;&mdash;-*-, the chicken man,{35}
+
+     34 Young Priment, as he is generally termed, the once
+     dashing foreman and cutter out, now co-partner of the
+     renowned Baron St-z, recently made a peer of France. Who
+     would not be a tailor (St-z has retired with a fortune of
+     £100,000. )! Lord de C-ff-d, some time since objecting to
+     certain items in his son's bill from St-z, as being too
+     highly charged, said, "Tell Mr. S- I will not pay him, if it
+     costs me a thousand pounds to resist it. " St-z, on hearing
+     this, said, "Tell his lordship that he shall pay the
+     charge, if it costs me ten thousand to make him." H-s-ly
+     with some little satisfaction was displaying to a customer
+     the Prince of C-b-g's bill for three months (on the occasion
+     of his Highness's new field-marshal's suit, we suppose):
+     "Here," said he, "see what we have done for him: his
+     quarter's tailor's bill now comes to more than his annual
+     income formerly amounted to." Mr. H-s-ly sports a bit of
+     blood, a dennet, and a filly; and, for a tailor, is a
+     superfine sort of dandy, but with a strong scent of the shop
+     about him.
+
+     35 The redoubtable general's penchant for little girls has
+     obtained him the tender appellation of the chicken man.
+     Many of these <i>petits amours</i> are carried on in the assumed
+     name of Sir Lewis N-t-n, aided by the skill and ingenuity
+     of Captain *-.    Youth may plead whim and novelty for low
+     intrigue; but the aged beau can only resort to it from
+     vitiated habit.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[179]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          With pimp *-a-t in the van,
+          The Spy of an old Spy;
+          Who beat up for recruits in town,
+          Mong little girls, in chequer'd gown,
+          Of ages rather shy.
+          That mild, complacent-looking face,{36}
+          Who sits his bit of blood with grace,
+          Is tragic Charley Young:
+          With dowager savant a beau,
+          Who'll spout, or tales relate, you know,
+          Nobility among.
+          "Sure such a pair was never seen"
+          By nature form'd so sharp and keen
+          As H-ds-n and Jack L-g;
+          Or two who've play'd their cards so well,
+          As many a pluck'd roué can tell,
+          Whose purses once were strong:
+          Both deal in pipes&mdash;and by the nose
+          Have led to many a green horn's woes
+          A few gay bucks to Surrey,
+          Where Marshal Jones commands in chief
+          A squadron, who to find relief
+          Are always in a hurry.
+          They're folloiv'd by a merry set&mdash;
+          Cl-m-ris, L-n-x, young B-d-t,
+          Whom they may shortly follow.
+          That tall dismember'd dandy mark,
+          Who strolls dejected through the park,
+          With cheeks so lank and hollow;
+          That's Badger B-t-e, poet A&mdash;
+          The mighty author of "To-day,"
+
+     36 This truly respectable actor is highly estimated among a
+     large circle of polished society; where his amusing talents
+     and gentlemanly demeanour render him a most entertaining
+     and agreeable companion.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[180]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Forgotten of "To-morrow;"
+          A superficial wit, who 'll write
+          For Shandy little books of spite,
+          When cash he wants to borrow.
+          The pious soul who 's driving by,
+          And at the poet looks so shy,
+          Is parson A- the gambler;{37}
+          His deaf-lugg'd daddy a known blade
+          In Pandemonium's fruitful trade,
+          'Mong Paphians a rambler.
+          Augusta H-ke (or C-i) moves
+          Along the path&mdash;her little doves&mdash;
+          Decoys, upon each arm.
+          Where 's Jehu Martin, four-in-hand,
+          An exile in a foreign land
+          From fear of legal charm.
+          A pensioner of Cyprian queen,
+          The Bond-street tailor here is seen,
+          The tally-ho so gay.
+          Next P&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;s,{38} who by little goes,
+
+     37 The parson is so well known, and has been so plentifully
+     be-spattered on all sides, that we shall, with true orthodox
+     charity, leave him with a strong recommendation to the
+     notice of the society for the suppression of vice, with this
+     trite remark, "<i>Vide hic et ubique</i>."
+
+     38 This man, who is now reported to be worth three hundred
+     thousand pounds, was originally a piece-broker in Bedford-
+     bury, and afterwards kept a low public house in Vinegar-
+     yard, Drury-lane; from whence he merged into an illegal
+     lottery speculation in Northumberland-street, Strand, where
+     he realized a considerable sum by insurances and little
+     goes; from this spot he was transplanted to Norris-street,
+     in the Haymarket, managing partner in a gaming-house, when,
+     after a run of ill luck, an affair occurred that would have
+     occasioned some legal difficulty but for the oath of a
+     pastry-cook's wife, who proved an alibi, in return for which
+     act of kindness he afterwards made her his wife. Obtaining
+     possession of the rooms in Pall-Mall (then the celebrated
+     E. O. tables, and the property of W-, the husband, by a sham
+     warrant), the latter became extremely jealous; and, to make
+     all comfortable, our hero, to use his own phrase, generously
+     bought the mure and coll.&mdash;Mrs. W&mdash;and her son&mdash;both since
+     dead: the latter rose to very high rank in an honourable
+     profession. The old campaigner has now turned pious, and
+     recently erected and endowed a chapel. He used to boast he
+     had more promissory notes of gambling dupes than would be
+     sufficient to cover the whole of Pall-Mall; he may with
+     justice add, that he can command bank notes enough to cover
+     Cavendish-square.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[181]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          And west-end hells, to fortune rose
+          By many a subtle way.
+          Patron of bull-baits, racings, fights,
+          A chief of black-legg'd low delights&mdash;
+          'Tis the new m&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;s, F-k;
+          Time was, his heavy vulgar gait,
+          With one of highest regal state
+          Took precedence of rank:
+          But now, a little in disgrace
+          Since J-e usurp'd his m&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;'s place,
+          A stranger he's at court;
+          Unlike the greatest and the best
+          Who went before, his feather'd nest
+          Is well enrich'd by sport.
+          F-1-y disastrous, honour's child;
+          L-t-he the giddy, gay, and wild,
+          And sportive little Jack;
+          The prince of dandies join the throng,
+          Where Gwydir spanks his fours along,
+          The silvery grays or black.
+          The charming F-te, and Colonel B-,{39}
+          Snugly in close carriage see
+          With crimson coats behind:
+          And Mrs. C&mdash;, the Christmas belle,
+
+     39 We shall not follow the colonel's example, or we could
+     give some extracts from the letters of a. female
+     corespondent of his that would be both curious and
+     interesting; but <i>n'importe</i>, consideration for the lady
+     alone prevents the publication. In town he is always
+     discovered by a group of would-be exquisites, the satellites
+     of the Jupiter of B-k-y C-t-e at Gl-r; or at Ch&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-m
+     they have some name; but here they are more fortunate, for
+     o'er them oblivion throws the friendly veil.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[182]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          With banker's clerk, a tale must tell
+          To all who are not blind.
+          Ah! Poodle Byng appears in view,{40}
+          Who gives at whist a point or two
+          To dowagers in years.
+          And see where ev'ry body notes
+          The star of fashion, Romeo Coates{41}
+          The amateur appears:
+          But where! ah! where, say, shall I tell
+          Are the brass cocks and cockle shell?
+          Ill hazard, rouge et noir
+          If it but speak, can tales relate
+          Of many an equipage's fate,
+          And may of many more.
+          Ye rude canaille, make way, make way,
+          The Countess and the Count&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;,{42}
+
+     40 This gentleman is generally designated by the name of
+     "the whist man:" he holds a situation in the secretary of
+     state's office, and is in particular favour with all the old
+     dowagers, at whose card parties it is said he is generally
+     fortunate. He has recently been honoured with the situation
+     of grand chamberlain to their black majesties of the
+     Sandwich isles.
+
+     41  Poor Borneo's brilliancy is somewhat in eclipse, and
+     though not quite a fallen star, he must not run on black too
+     long,&mdash;lest his diamond-hilted sword should be the price of
+     his folly.
+
+     42 The Countess of &mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-is the daughter of
+     Governor J&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-; her mother's name was Patty F-d, the
+     daughter of an auctioneer who was the predecessor of the
+     present Mr. Christie's father. Patty, then a very beautiful
+     woman, went with him to India, and was a most faithfull and
+     attentive companion.&mdash;On the voyage home with J&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-
+     &mdash;&mdash;-and her three children, by him, the present countess,
+     and her brothers James and George, they touched at the Cape,
+     where the old governor most ungratefully fell in love with a
+     young Portuguese lady, whom he married and brought to
+     England in the same ship with his former associate, whom he
+     soon after completely abandoned, settling 500L. a year upon
+     her for the support of herself and daughter; his two sons,
+     James and George, he provided with writerships in the
+     company's service, and sent to India. James died young, and
+     George returned to England in a few years, worth 180,000
+     pounds.&mdash;He lingered in a very infirm state of health, the
+     effects of the climate and Mrs. M-, alias Madame Haut Gout;
+     and at his death, being a bachelor, he left the present
+     countess, his sister who lived with him, the whole of his
+     property. There are various tales circulated in the
+     fashionable world relative to the origin and family of the
+     count, who has certainly been a most fortunate man: he is
+     chiefly indebted for success with the countess to his skill
+     as an amateur on the flute, rather than to his paternal
+     estates. The patron of foreigners, he takes an active part
+     in the affairs of the Opera-house.&mdash;Poor Tori having given
+     some offence in this quarter, was by his influence kept out
+     of an engagement; but it would appear he received some
+     amends, by the following extract from a fashionable paper of
+     the day.
+
+     A certain fashionable&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;l, who was thought to be <i>au
+     comble de bonheur</i>, has lately been much tormented with that
+     green-eyed monster, Jealousy, in the shape of an opera
+     singer. <i>Plutôt mourir que changer</i>, was thought to be the
+     motto of the pretty round-faced English&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;s;  but,
+     alas! like the original, it was written on the sands of
+     disappointment, and was scarcely read by the admiring
+     husband, before his joy was dashed by the prophetic wave,
+     and the inscription erased by a favoured son of Apollo.
+     <i>L'oreille est le chemin du cour</i>: so thought the &mdash;&mdash;&mdash;l,
+     and forbade the &mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;s to hold converse with Monsieur
+     T.; but <i>les femmes peuvent tout, parce-qu'elles gouvernent
+     ceux qui gouvernent tous</i>.    A meeting took place in
+     Grosvenor-square, and, amid the interchange of doux yeux,
+     the &mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-l arrived: a desperate scuffle ensued; the
+     intruder was banished the house, and, as he left the door,
+     is said to have whistled the old French proverb of <i>Le bon
+     temps viendra</i>. This affair has created no little amusement
+     among the <i>beau monde</i>. All the dowagers are fully agreed on
+     one point, that <i>l'amour est une passion qui vient souvent
+     sans qu'on s'en apperçoîve, et, qui s'en va aussi de même</i>.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[183]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Who play <i>de prettee</i> flute,
+          Who charm <i>une petit</i> English ninnie,
+          Till all the Joueur J&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;'s guinea
+          Him <i>pochée en culotte</i>.
+          Who follows? 'tis the Signor Tori,
+          'Bout whom the gossips tell a story,
+          With some who've gone before:
+          "The bird in yonder cage confined
+          Can sing of lovers young and kind,"
+          But there, he'll sing no more.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[184]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Lord L&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;looks disconsolate,{}43
+          No news from Spain I think of late,
+          Per favour M&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;i.
+          Ne'er heed, my lord, you still may find
+          Some opera damsel true and kind,
+          Who'll prove less coy and naughty.
+          "Now by the pricking of my thumbs,
+          There's something wicked this way comes,"
+          'Tis A-'s false dame,{44}
+          Who at Almack's, or in the park,
+          With whispers charms a clucal spark,
+          To blight his wreath of fame.
+          Observe, where princely Devonshire,{45}
+
+     43 His lordship, though not quite so deeply smitten as the
+     now happy swain, had, we believe, a little __penchant for
+     the charming little daughter of Terpsichore.     "What news
+     from Spain, my lord, this morning?" said Sir C. A. to Lord
+     L&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;"I have no connexion with the foreign office,"
+     replied his lordship.&mdash;"I beg pardon, my lord, but I am sure
+     I met a Spanish messenger quitting your house as I entered
+     it." On the turf, his lordship's four year old (versus five)
+     speculations with Cove B-n have given him a notoriety that
+     will, we think, prevent his ruining himself at Newmarket.
+     Like the immortal F-e, he is one of the opera directors, and
+     has a great inclination for foreign curiosities. Vide the
+     following extract.&mdash;
+
+     "The New Corps de Ballot at the Opera this season, 1823, is
+     entirely composed of Parisian elegantes, selected with great
+     taste by Lord L&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-, whose judgment in these matters is
+     perfectly con amore. In a letter to a noble friend on
+     this subject, Lord L&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;says that he has seen, felt, and
+     (ap-) proved them all&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;to be excellent artistes with
+     very finished movements."
+		 </pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[185]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Certain ridiculous reports have long been current in the
+     fashionable world, relative to a mysterious family affair,
+     which would preclude the noble duke's entering into the
+     state of matrimony: it is hardly necessary to say they have
+     no foundation in truth. The duke was certainly born in the
+     same house and at nearly the same time (in Florence) when
+     Lady E. F-st-r, since Duchess of D-, was delivered of a
+     child&mdash;but that offspring is living, and, much to the present
+     duke's honour, affectionately regarded by him. The duke was
+     for some years abroad after coming to his title, owing, it
+     is said, to an unpleasant affair arising out of a whist
+     party at a great house, which was composed of a Prince,
+     Lords L&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;and Y&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;th, another foreign Prince, and a
+     Colonel B-, of whom no one has heard much since.&mdash;A noble
+     mansion in Piccadilly was there and then assigned to the
+     colonel, who at the request of the -e, who had long wished
+     to possess it as a temporary residence, during some
+     intended repairs at the great house, re-conveyed it to
+     the&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;. On the receipt of a note from Y- the next
+     morning, claiming the amount of the duke's losses, he
+     started with surprise at the immense sums, and being now
+     perfectly recovered from the overpowering effects of the
+     bottle, hastened with all speed to take the opinions of two
+     well-known sporting peers, whose honour has never been
+     questioned, Lords F-y and S-n; they, upon a review of the
+     circumstances, advised that the money should not be paid,
+     but that all matters in dispute should be referred to a
+     third peer, Earl G-y, who was not a sporting man: to this
+     effect a note was written to the applicant, but not before
+     some communication had taken place with a very high
+     personage; the consequence was that no demand was ever
+     afterwards made to the referee. Lord G- C- afterwards re-
+     purchased the great house with the consent of the duke from
+     the fortunate holder, as he did not like it to be
+     dismembered from the family. We believe this circumstance
+     had a most salutary effect in preventing any return of a
+     propensity for play.
+
+     44 Charley loves good place and wine,
+        And Charley loves good brandy,
+        And Charley's wife is thought divine,
+        By many a Jack a dandy.
+        PARODY ON AN OLD NURSERY RHYME.
+
+     {45} A CHARACTER OF DEVONSHIRE.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0042" id="image-0042">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a name="image-0043" id="image-0043">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page184.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page184 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page185.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page185 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[186]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          In action, heart, and mind, a peer,
+          Avoids the public gaze;
+          Graceful, yet simple in attire,
+          You'd take him for a plain esquire;
+          "His acts best speak his praise."
+          That queer, plain, yellow chariot, mark,
+          Which drives so rapid through the park,
+          The servants clothed in gray&mdash;
+          That's George, incog.&mdash;George who? George-king,{46}
+          Of whom near treason 'tis to sing,
+          In this our sportive lay.
+          Kings like their subjects should have air
+          And exercise, without the stare
+          Which the state show attends;
+          I love to see in public place
+          The monarch, who'll his people face,
+          And meet like private friends.
+          So may the crown of this our isle
+          Re ever welcomed with a smile,
+          And, George, that smile be thine!
+          Then when the time,&mdash;and come it must,
+          That crowns and sceptres shall be dust,
+          Thou shalt thy race outshine,
+          Shalt live in good men's hearts, and tears,
+          From age to age, while mem'ry rears
+          The proud historic shrine.
+
+     46   FROM THE DIARY OF A POLITICIAN.
+     "Through Manchester-square took a canter just now,
+     Met the old yellow chariot, and made a low bow;
+     This did of course, thinking 'twas loyal and civil,
+     But got such a look,&mdash;oh! 'twas black as the devil.
+     How unlucky!&mdash;incog, he was traveling about,
+     And I like a noodle must go find him out!
+     Mem. When next by the old yellow chariot I ride,
+     To remember there is nothing princely inside."
+     Tom Moore,
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[187]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          What rueful-looking knight is that,{47}
+          With sunken eye and silken hat,
+
+     47 Lord P-r-m, the delicate dandy.
+
+          Laced up in stays to show his waist,
+          And highly rouged to show his taste,
+          His whiskers meeting 'neath his chin,
+          With gooseberry eye and ghastly grin,
+          With mincing steps, conceited phrase,
+          Such as insipid P- displays:
+          These are the requisites to shine
+          A dandy, exquisite, divine.
+
+          Ancient Dandies.&mdash;A Confession.
+          The Doctor{*}, as we learn, once said,
+          To Mistress Thrale&mdash;
+          Howe'er a man be stoutly made,
+          And free from ail,
+          In flesh and bone, and colour thrive,
+          "He's going down at 35."
+          Yet Horace could his vigour muster
+          And would not till a later lustre f
+          One single inch of ground surrender
+          To any swain in Cupid's calendar.
+          But one I think a jot too low,
+          And t'other is too high, I know.
+          Yet, what I've found, I'll freely state&mdash;
+          The thing may do till.&mdash;
+          But that's a job&mdash;for then, in truth,
+          One's but a clumsy sort of youth:
+          And maugre looks, some evil tongue
+          Will say the Dandy is not young:&mdash;
+          For 'mid the yellow and the sear, {**}
+          Though here and there a leaf be green
+          No more the summer of the year
+          It is, than when one swallow's seen.
+
+     * Johnson.
+     t&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-fuge suspicari
+     Cujus octavum trepidavit otas
+     Claudere lustrum.&mdash;Od. 4.1. ii.
+     Now tottering on to forty years,
+     My age forbids all jealous fears.
+
+     **  "My May of life is fallen into
+     the sear and yellow leaf."&mdash;Macbeth.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[188]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Pinch'd in behind and 'fore?
+          Whose visage, like La Mancha's chief,
+          Seems the pale frontispiece to grief,
+          As if 'twould ne'er laugh more:
+          Whose dress and person both defy
+          The poet's pen, the painter's eye,
+          'Tis <i>outre tout nature</i>.
+          His Arab charger swings his tail,
+          Curvets and prances to the gale
+          Like Death's pale horse,&mdash;
+          And neighing proudly seems to say,
+          Here Fashion's vot'ries must pay
+          Homage of course:
+          Tis P-h-m, whom Mrs. H-g-s
+          At opera and play-house dodges
+          Since he gain'd Josephine;
+          Tailors adorn a thousand ways,
+          And (though Time won't) men may make Slays;
+          The dentist, barber, make repairs,
+          New teeth supply, and colour hairs;
+          But art can ne'er return the Spring&mdash;
+          And spite of all that she can do,
+          <i>A Beau's</i> a very wretched thing
+          At 42!
+
+     The late Princess Charlotte issued an order, interdicting
+     any one of her household appearing before her with frightful
+     fringes to their leaden heads. In consequence of this cruel
+     command, P-r-m, being one of the lords of the bed-chamber,
+     was compelled to curtail his immense whiskers. A very
+     feeling ode appeared upon the occasion, entitled My
+     Whiskers, dedicated to the princess; it was never printed,
+     but attributed to Thomas Moore. The Kiss, or Lady Francis W-
+     W-'s Frolic, had nearly produced a fatal catastrophe. How
+     would poor Lady Anne W-m have borne such a misfortune? or
+     what purling stream would have received the divine form of
+     the charming Mrs. H-d-s? But alas! he escaped little W-'s
+     ball, only to prove man's base ingratitude, for he has
+     since cut with both these beauties for the interesting
+     little Josephine, the protégée of T&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;y B-t, and the
+     sister of the female Giovanni.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[189]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Ye madly vicious, can it be!
+          A mother sunk in infamy,
+          To sell her child is seen.
+          Let Bow-street annals, and Tom B-t,{48}
+          Who paid the mill'ner, tell the rest,
+          It suits not with our page;
+          Just satire while she censures,&mdash;feels,&mdash;
+          Verse spreads the vice when it reveals
+          The foulness of the age.
+          'Tis half-past five, and fashion's train
+          No longer in Hyde Park remain,
+          Bon ton cries hence, away;
+          The low-bred, vulgar, Sunday throng,
+          Who dine at two, are ranged along
+          On both sides of the way;
+          With various views, these honest folk
+          Descant on fashions, quiz and joke,
+          Or mark a shy cock down{49};
+          For many a star in fashion's sphere
+          Can only once a week appear
+          In public haunts of town,
+          Lest those two ever watchful friends,
+          The step-brothers, whom sheriff sends,
+          John Doe and Richard Roe,
+          A taking pair should deign to borrow,
+          To wit, until All Souls, the morrow,
+          The body of a beau;
+
+     48  Poor Tom B-t has paid dear for his protection of
+     the Josephine: fifteen hundred pounds for millinery in
+     twelve months is a very moderate expenditure for so young a
+     lady of fashion. It is, to be sure, rather provoking that
+     such an ape as Lord &mdash;&mdash;&mdash;should take command of the
+     frigate, and sail away in defiance of the chartered party,
+     the moment she was well found and rigged for a cruize. See
+     Common Plea Reports, 1823
+
+     49  The Sunday men, as they are facetiously called in the
+     fashionable world, are not now so numerous as formerly: the
+     facility of a trip across the Channel enables many a shy
+     cock to evade the scrutinizing eye and affectionate
+     attachment of the law.
+
+          But Sunday sets the pris'ner free,
+          He shows in Park, and laughs with glee
+          At creditors and Bum.
+          Then who of any taste can bear
+          The coarse, low jest and vulgar stare
+          Of all the city scum,
+          Of fat Sir Gobble, Mistress Fig,
+          In buggy, sulky, coach, or gig,
+          With Dobbin in the shay?
+          At ev'ry step some odious face,
+          Of true mechanic cut, will place
+          Themselves plump in your way.
+          Now onward to the Serpentine,
+          A river straight as any line,
+          Near Kensington, let's walk;
+          Or through her palace gardens stray,
+          Where elegantes of the day
+          Ogle, congee, and talk.
+          Here imperial fashion reigns,
+          Here high bred belles meet courtly swains
+          By assignation.
+          Made at Almack's, Argyle, or rout,
+          While Lady Mother walks about
+          In perturbation,
+          Watching her false peer, or to make
+          A Benedict of some high rake,
+          To miss a titled prize.
+          Here, cameleon-colour'd, see
+          Beauty in bright variety,
+          Such as a god might prize.
+          Here, too, like the bird of Juno,
+          Fancy's a gaudy group, that you know,
+          Of gay <i>marchands des modes</i>.
+          Haberdashers, milliners, fops
+          From city desks, or Bond-street shops,
+          And belles from Oxford-road,
+          Crowds here, commingled, pass and gaze,
+          And please themselves a thousand ways;
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[191]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+           Some read the naughty rhymes
+           Which are on ev'ry alcove writ,
+           Immodest, lewd attempt at wit,
+           Disgraceful to the times.
+           Here Scotland's dandy Irish Earl,{50}
+           With Noblet on his arm would whirl,
+           And frolic in this sphere;
+           With mulberry coat, and pink cossacks,
+           The red-hair'd Thane the fair attacks,
+           F-'s ever on the leer;
+           And when alone, to every belle
+           The am'rous beau love's tale will tell,
+           Intent upon their ruin.
+           Beware, Macduff, the fallen stars!
+           Venus aggrieved will fly to Mars;
+           There's mischief brewing.
+           What mountain of a fair is that,
+           Whose jewels, lace, and Spanish hat,
+           Proclaim her high degree,
+           With a tall, meagre-looking man,
+           Who bears her reticule and fan?
+           That was Maria D-,
+           Now the first favourite at court,
+
+     50 His lordship is equally celebrated in the wars of Mars
+     and Venus, as a general in the service of Spain. When Lord
+     M-d-ff, in the desperate bombardment of Matagorda (an old
+     fort in the Bay of Cadiz), the falling of a fragment of the
+     rock, struck by a shell, broke, his great toe; in this
+     wounded state he was carried about the alameda in a cherubim
+     chair by two bare-legged gallegos, to receive the
+     condolations of the grandees, and, we regret to add, the
+     unfeeling jeers of the British, who made no scruple to
+     assert that his lordship had, as usual, "put his foot in
+     it." The noble general would no doubt have added another
+     leaf to bis laurel under the auspices of the ex-smuggler,
+     late illustrissimo general Ballasteros, had not he suddenly
+     become a willing captive to the soul-subduing charms of the
+     beauteous Antonia of Terrifa, of whose history and
+     melancholy death we may speak hereafter. On a late occasion,
+     he has been honoured with the star of the Guelphic order
+     (when, for the first time in his life, he went on his
+     knees), as some amends for his sudden dismissal from the
+     bed-chamber. Noblet, who has long since been placed upon the
+     pension list, has recently retired, and is succeeded by a
+     charming little Parisian actress who lives in the New Road,
+     and plays with the French company now at Tottenham-street
+     theatre. Lord L&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-has also a little interest in the
+     same concern. His lordship's  <i>affaires des cour</i> with
+     Antonia, Noblet, and M&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-,  though perfectly
+     platonic, have proved more expensive than the most
+     determined votary to female attractions ever endured: for
+     the gratification of this innocent passion, Marr's{*} mighty
+     pines have bit the dust, and friendly purses bled.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[192]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          And, if we may believe report,
+          She holds the golden key
+          Of the backstairs, and can command
+          A potent influence in the land,
+          But K&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;N best can tell;
+          Tis most clear, no ill betide us,
+          Near the Georgium sidus
+          This planet likes to dwell.
+          Lovely as light, when morning breaks{51}
+          Above the hills in golden streaks,
+          Observe yon blushing rose,
+          Uxbridge, the theme of ev'ry tongue,
+          The sylph that charms the ag'd and young,
+          Where grace and virtue glows.
+          Gay Lady H-e her lounge may take,{52}
+          Reclining near the Indian lake.,
+          And think she's quite secure;
+
+     51  The beautiful little countess, the charming goddess of
+     the golden locks, was a Miss Campbell, a near relation of
+     the Duke of Argyll. She is a most amiable and interesting
+     elegante.
+
+     52 Although Lord L-e is the constant attendant of Lady H-,
+     report says the attachment is merely platonic. His lordship
+     was once smitten with her sister; and having thero suffered
+     the most cruel disappointment, consoles himself for his loss
+     in the sympathizing society of Lady H&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;.
+
+     * Marr Forest, belonging to his lordship, producing the
+     finest mast pines in the empire; the noble earl has lately
+     cut many scores of them ami some old friends, rather than
+     balk his fancy.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[193]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          As well might C-1-ft hope to pass
+          Upon the town his C&mdash;&mdash;-r lass
+          For genuine and pure.
+          See Warwick's charming countess glide,{53}
+          With constant Harry by her side,
+          Along the gay <i>parterre</i>;
+          And look where the loud laugh proclaims
+          The cits and their cameleon dames,
+          The gaudy Cheapside fair,
+          Drest in all colours o' the shop,
+          Fashion'd for the Easter hop,
+          To grace the civic feast,
+          Where the great Lord Mayor presides
+          O'er tallow, ribands, rags, and hides,
+          The sultan o' the east.
+          The would-be poet, Ch-s L-h,{54}
+          Comes saunt'ring with his graces three,
+          The little gay coquettes.
+          After, view the Cyprian corps
+          Of well-known traders, many score,
+          From Bang to Angel M-tz,
+          A heedless, giddy, laughing crew,
+          Who'd seem as if they never knew
+          Of want or fell despair;
+          Yet if unveil'd the heart might be,
+          You'd find the demon, Misery,
+          Had ta'en possession there.
+          Think not that satire will excuse,
+          Ye frail, though fair; or that the muse
+          Will silent pass ye by:
+          To you a chapter she'll devote,
+          Where all of fashionable note
+
+     53 Lady Sarah Saville, afterwards Lady Monson, now Countess
+     of Warwick, a most beautiful, amiable, and accomplished
+     woman. By constant "Harry" is meant her present earl.
+
+     54 See Amatory Poems by Ch-os L-h. We could indulge our
+     readers with a curious account of the demolition of the
+     Paphian car at Covent Garden theatre, but the story is
+     somewhat musty.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[194]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Shall find their history.
+          "Vice to be hated, needs but be seen;"
+          And thus shall ev'ry Paphian queen
+          Be held to public view;
+          And though protected by a throne,
+          The gallant and his Miss be shown
+          In colours just and true.
+          The countess of ten thousand see,{55}
+          The dear delightful Savante B-,
+          Who once was sold and bought:
+          The magic-lantern well displays
+          The scenes of long forgotten days,
+          And gives new birth to thought.
+          Nay, start not, here we'll not relate
+          The break-neck story gossips prate
+          Within the Em'rald Isle:
+          No spirit gray, or black, or brown,
+          We'll conjure up, with hideous frown,
+          To chase the dimpled smile.
+          In fleeting numbers, as we pass,
+          We find these shadows in our glass,
+          We move, and they're no more.
+          But see where chief of folly's train,
+
+     55 The beautiful and accomplished countess is a lovely
+     daughter of Hibernia; her maiden name was P-r, and her
+     father an Irish magistrate of high respectability. Her first
+     matrimonial alliance with Captain F-r proved unfortunate; an
+     early separation was the consequence, which was effected
+     through the intervention of a kind friend, Captain J-s of
+     the 11th. Shortly afterwards her fine person and superior
+     endowments of mind made an impression upon the earl that
+     nothing but the entire possession of the lady could allay.
+     The affair of Lord A- and Mrs. B- is too well known to need
+     repetition&mdash;it could not succeed a second time. Abelard F-
+     having paid the debt of nature, there was no impediment but
+     a visit to the temple of Hymen, on which point the lady was
+     determined; and the yielding suitor, wounded to the vital
+     part, most readily complied. It is due to the countess to
+     admit, that since her present elevation, her conduct has
+     been exemplary and highly praiseworthy.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[195]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Conceited, simple, rash, and vain,
+          Comes lib'ral master G-e,{56}
+          A dandy, half-fledged exquisite,
+          Who paid nine thousand pounds a night
+          To female Giovanni.
+          Reader, I think I hear you say,
+          "What pleasure had he for his pay?"
+          Upon my word, not any;
+          For soon as V-t-s got the cash,
+          She set off with a splendid dash
+          From Op'ra to Paris;
+          Left Cl-t and this simple fool,{67}
+          Who no doubt's been an easy tool,
+          To spend it with Charles H-s.
+          See, Carolina comes in view,
+          A Lamb, from merry Melbourne's ewe,
+          Who scaped the fatal knife.
+          H-ll-d's blue stocking rib appears,
+          Who makes amends in latter years
+          For early cause of strife.
+          Catullus George, the red-hair'd bard,
+          Whose rhymes, pedantic, crude, and hard,
+          He calls translations,
+          Follows the fair; a nibbling mouse
+          From Westminster, by Cam Hobhouse
+          Expell'd his station.
+          Now twilight, with his veil of gray,
+          The stars of fashion frights away
+          The carriage homeward rolls along
+          To music-party, cards and song,
+
+     56  A very singular adventure, which occurred in 1823. The
+     enamoured swain, after settling an annuity of seven hundred
+     pounds per annum upon the fair inconstant, had the
+     mortification to find himself abandoned on the very night
+     the deeds were completed, the lady having made a precipitate
+     retreat, with a more favoured lover, to Paris. The affair
+     soon became known, and some friends interfered, when the
+     deeds were cancelled.
+
+     57  Captain citizen Cl-t, an exquisite of the first order,
+     for a long time the favourite of the reigning sultana.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[196]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          And many a gay delight.
+          The Goths of Essex-street may groan,{58}
+          Turn up their eyes, and inward moan,
+          They dare not here intrude;
+          Dare not attack the rich and great,
+          The titled vicious of the state,
+          The dissolute and lewd.
+          Vice only is, in some folks' eyes,
+          Immoral, when in rags she lies,
+          By poverty subdued;
+          But deck her forth in gaudy vest,
+          With courtly state and titled crest,
+          She's every thing that's good.
+          "Doth Kalpho break the Sabbath-day?
+          Why, Kalpho hath no funds to pay;
+          How dare he trespass then?
+          How dare he eat, or drink, or sleep,
+          Or shave, or wash, or laugh, or weep,
+          Or look like other men?"
+          My lord his concerts gives, 'tis true,
+          The Speaker holds his levee too,
+          And Fashion cards and dices;
+          But these are trifles to the sin
+          Of selling apples, joints, or gin&mdash;
+
+     58 The present times have very properly been stigmatized as
+     the age of cant. The increase of the puritans, the
+     smooth-faced evangelical, and the lank-haired sectarian,
+     with their pious love-meetings and bible associations, have
+     at last roused the slumbering spirit of the constituted
+     authorities, who are now making the most vigorous efforts to
+     impede the progress of these anti-national and hypocritical
+     fanatics, who, mistaking the true dictates of religion and
+     benevolence, have, in their inflamed zeal, endeavoured to
+     extirpate every species of innocent recreation, and have
+     laid formidable siege to honest-hearted mirth and rustic
+     revelry. "I am no prophet, nor the son of one; "but if
+     ever the noble institutions of my country suffer any
+     revolutionary change, it is my humble opinion it will result
+     from these sainted associations, from these pious opposers
+     of our national characteristics, and the noblest institution
+     of our country, the foundation stone of our honour and
+     glory, the established church of England. There is (in my
+     opinion) more mischief to be apprehended to the state from
+     the humbug of piety than from all the violence of froth,
+     political demagogues, or the open-mouthed howl of the most
+     hungry radicals. Let it be understood I speak not against
+     toleration in its most extended sense, but war only with
+     hypocrisy and fanaticism, with those of whom Juvenal has
+     written&mdash;"<i>Qui aurios simulant el baechemalia vivinit</i>."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[197]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Low, execrable vices.
+          Cease, persecutors, mock reclaimers,
+          Ye jaundiced few, ye legal maimers
+          Of the lone, poor, and meek;
+          Ye moral fishers for stray gudgeons,
+          Ye sainted host of old curmudgeons,
+          Who ne'er the wealthy seek!
+          If moralists ye would appear,
+          Attack vice in its highest sphere,
+          The cause of all the strife;
+          The spring and source from whence does flow
+          Pollution o'er the plains below,
+          Through all degrees of life.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0044" id="image-0044">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page197.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page197 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0023" id="link2H_4_0023">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE OPERA.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     The Man of Fashion&mdash;Fop's Alley&mdash;Modern roué and
+     Frequenters&mdash;Characteristic Sketches in High Life&mdash;Blue
+     Stocking Illuminati&mdash;Motives and Mariners&mdash;Meeting with the
+     Honourable Lillyman Lionise&mdash;Dinner at Long's&mdash;Visit to the
+     Opera&mdash;Joined by Bob Transit&mdash;A Peep into the Green Room&mdash;
+     Secrets behind the Curtain&mdash;Noble Amateurs and Foreign
+     Curiosities&mdash;Notes and Anecdotes by Horatio Heartly.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[198]</span> The Opera, to the man of fashion, is
+      the only tolerable place of public amusement in which the varied orders of
+      society are permitted to participate. Here, lolling at his ease, in a snug
+      box on the first circle, in dignified security from the vulgar gaze, he
+      surveys the congregated mass who fill the arena of the house, deigns
+      occasionally a condescending nod of recognition to some less fortunate <i>roué</i>,
+      or younger brother of a titled family, who is forcing his way through the
+      well-united phalanx of vulgar faces that guard the entrance to <i>Fop's
+      Alley</i>; or, if he should be in a state of single blessedness, inclines
+      his head a little forward to cast round an inquiring glance, a sort of
+      preliminary overture, to some fascinating daughter of fashion, whose
+      attention he wishes to engage for an amorous interchange of significant
+      looks and melting expressions during the last act of the opera. For the
+      first, he would not be thought so <i>outré</i> as to witness it&mdash;the
+      attempt would require a sacrifice of the dessert and Madeira, and
+      completely revolutionize <span class="pagenum">[199]</span> the regularity
+      of his dinner arrangement. The divertissement he surveys from the side
+      wings of the stage, to which privilege he is entitled as an annual
+      subscriber; trifles a little badinage with some well-known operatic
+      intriguant, or favourite danseusej approves the finished movements of the
+      male artistes, inquires of the manager or committee the forthcoming
+      novelties, strolls into the green room to make his selection of a
+      well-turned ankle or a graceful shape, and, having made an appointment for
+      some non play night, makes one of the distinguished group of operatic
+      cognoscenti who form the circle of taste in the centre of the stage on the
+      fall of the curtain.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="page199" id="page199"></a> <br /> <a href="images/page199.jpg">ENLARGE
+      TO FULL SIZE</a><br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img alt="page199-th (73K)" src="images/page199-th.jpg" width="100%" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This is one, and, perhaps, the most conspicuous portrait of an opera
+      frequenter; but there are a variety of characters in the same school all
+      equally worthy of a descriptive notice, and each differing in contour and
+      force of chiaroscuro as much as the one thousand and one family maps which
+      annually cover the walls of the Royal Academy, to the exclusion of
+      meritorious performances in a more elevated branch of art. The Dowager
+      Duchess of A&mdash;&mdash;&mdash; retains her box to dispose of her
+      unmarried daughters, and enjoy the gratification of meeting in public the
+      once flattering groups of noble expectants who formerly paid their ready
+      homage to her charms and courted her approving smile; but then her ducal
+      spouse was high in favour, and in office, and now these "summer flies o'
+      the court" are equally steady in their devotion to his successor, and can
+      scarcely find memory or opportunity to recognise the relict of their late
+      ministerial patron. Lord E&mdash;&mdash;&mdash; and the Marchioness of R.&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;
+      subscribe for a box between them, enjoying the proprietorship in alternate
+      weeks. During the Marchesa's periods of occupation you will perceive Lady
+      H., and the whole of the blue stocking illuminati, irradiating from this
+      point, like the tributary stars round some major planet, forming <span
+      class="pagenum">[200]</span> a grand constellation of attraction. Here new
+      novels, juvenile poets, and romantic tourists receive their fiat, and here
+      too the characters of one half the fashionable world undergo the fiery
+      ordeal of scrutinization, and are censured or applauded more in accordance
+      with the prevailing on dits of the day, or the fabrications of the club,
+      than with any regard to feeling, truth, or decorum. The following week-,
+      how changed the scene!&mdash;the venerable head of the highly-respected
+      Lord E&mdash;&mdash;&mdash; graces the corner, like a Corinthian capital
+      finely chiseled by the divine hand of Praxiteles; the busy tongue of
+      scandal is dormant for a term, and in her place the Solons of the land, in
+      solemn thoughtfulness, attend the sage injunctions of their learned chief.
+      Too enfeebled by age and previous exertion to undergo the fatigues of
+      parliamentary duty, the baron here receives the visits of his former
+      colleagues, and snatching half an hour from his favourite recreation,
+      gives a decided turn to the politics of a party by the cogency of his
+      reasoning and the brilliancy of his arguments. The Earl of F&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;has
+      a grand box on the ground tier, for the double purpose of admiring the
+      chaste evolutions of the sylphic daughters of Terpsichore, and of being
+      observed himself by all the followers of the cameleon-like, capricious
+      goddess, Fashion.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The G&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;B&mdash;&mdash;-, the wealthy commoner,
+      Fortune's favoured child, retains a box in the best situation, if not on
+      purpose, yet in fact, to annoy all those within hearing, by the noisy
+      humour of his Bacchanalian friends, who reel in at the end of the first
+      act of the opera, full primed with the choicest treasures of his well
+      stocked bins, to quiz the young and modest, insult the aged and
+      respectable, and annihilate the anticipated pleasures of the scientific
+      and devotees of harmony, by the coarseness of their attempts at wit, the
+      overpowering clamour of their conversation, and <span class="pagenum">[201]</span>
+      the loud laugh and vain pretence to taste and critic skill.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The ministerialists may be easily traced by their affectation of
+      consequence, and a certain air of authority joined to a demi-official
+      royal livery, which always distinguishes the corps politique, and is
+      equally shared by their highly plumed female partners. The opposition are
+      equally discernible by outward and visible signs, such as an assumed
+      nonchalance, or apparent independence of carriage, that but ill suits the
+      ambitious views of the wearer, and sits as uneasily upon them as their
+      measures would do upon the shoulders of the nation. Added to which, you
+      will never see them alone; never view them enjoying the passing scene,
+      happy in the society of their accomplished wives and daughters, but
+      always, like restless and perturbed spirits, congregating together in
+      conclave, upon some new measure wherewith to sow division in the nation,
+      and shake the council of the state. And yet to both these parties a box at
+      the opera is as indispensable as to the finished courtezan, who here
+      spreads her seductive lures to catch the eye, and inveigle the heart of
+      the inexperienced and unwary.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But what has all this to do with the opera? or where will this romantic
+      correspondent of mine terminate his satirical sketch? I think I hear you
+      exclaim. A great deal more, Mr. Collegian, than your philosophy can
+      imagine: you know, I am nothing if not characteristic; and this, I assure
+      you, is a true portrait of the place and its frequenters. I dare say, you
+      would have expected my young imagination to have been encompassed with
+      delight, amid the mirth-inspiring compositions of Corelli, Mozart, or
+      Rossini, warbled forth by that enchanting siren, De Begnis, the scientific
+      Pasta, the modest Caradori, or the astonishing Catalani:&mdash;Heaven
+      enlighten your unsuspicious mind! Attention to the merits of the <span
+      class="pagenum">[202]</span> performance is the last thing any fashionable
+      of the present day would think of devoting his time to. No, no, my dear
+      Bernard, the opera is a sort of high 'Change, where the court circle and
+      people of ton meet to speculate in various ways, and often drive as hard a
+      bargain for some purpose of interest or aggrandisement, as the plebeian
+      host of all nations, who form the busy group in the grand civic temple of
+      commerce on Cornbill. You know, I have (as the phrase is), just come out,
+      and of course am led about like a university lion, by the more experienced
+      votaries of ton. An accident threw the honourable Lillyman Lionise into my
+      way the other morning; it was the first time we had met since we were at
+      Eton: he was sauntering away the tedious hour in the Arcade, in search of
+      a specific for ennui, was pleased to compliment me on possessing the
+      universal panacea, linked arms immediately, complained of being devilishly
+      cut over night, proposed an adjournment to Long's&mdash;a light dinner&mdash;maintenon
+      cutlets&mdash;some of the Queensberry hock{1} (a century and a half old)&mdash;ice-punch-six
+      whin's from an odoriferous hookah&mdash;one cup of renovating fluid
+      (impregnated with the Parisian aromatic {2}); and then, having
+      reembellished our persons, sported{3} a figure at the opera. In the grand
+      entrance, we enlisted Bob Transit, between whom and the honourable, I
+      congratulated myself on being in a fair way to be enlightened. Bob knows
+      every body&mdash;the exquisite was not so general in his information; but
+      then he occasionally furnished some little anecdote of the surrounding
+      elegantes, relative to affairs de l'amour, or pointed out the superlative
+      of the haut class, without which much of the interesting would have
+      escaped my notice.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 The late Duke of Queensberry's famous old hock, which
+     since his decease was sold by auction.
+
+     2 A Parisian preparation, which gives a peculiar high
+     flavour and sparkling effect to coffee.
+
+     3 An Oxford phrase.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[203]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In this society, I made my first appearance in the green room; a little,
+      narrow, pink saloon at the back of the stage, where the dancers congregate
+      and practise before an immense looking-glass previous to their appearance
+      in public.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      To a fellow of warm imagination and vigorous constitution, such a scene is
+      calculated to create sensations that must send the circling current into
+      rapid motion, and animate the heart with thrilling raptures of delight.
+      Before the mirror, in all the grace of youthful loveliness and perfect
+      symmetry of form, the divine little fairy sprite, the all-conquering
+      Andalusian Venus, Mercandotti, was exhibiting her soft, plump,
+      love-inspiring person in pirouétte: before her stood the now happy swain,
+      the elegant H&mdash;&mdash;&mdash; B-, on whose shoulder rested the Earl
+      of Fe-, admiring with equal ecstasy the finished movements of his
+      accomplished protégée{4}; on the right hand of the earl stood the single
+      duke of D&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;e, quizzing the
+      little daughter of Terpsichore through his eye-glass; on the opposite of
+      the circle was seen the noble
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     4 It was very generally circulated, and for some time
+     believed, that the charming little Andalusian Venus was the
+     natural daughter of the Earl of F-e: a report which had not
+     a shadow of truth in its foundation, but arose entirely out
+     of the continued interest the earl took in the welfare of
+     the lady from the time of her infancy, at which early period
+     she was exhibited on the stage of the principal theatre in
+     Cadiz as an infant prodigy; and being afterwards carried
+     round (as is the custom in Spain) to receive the personal
+     approval and trifling presents of the grandees, excited such
+     general admiration as a beautiful child, that the Earl of F-
+     e, then Lord M- and a general officer in the service of
+     Spain, adopted the child, and liberally advanced funds for
+     her future maintenance and instruction, extending his bounty
+     and protection up to the moment of her fortunate marriage
+     with her present husband. It is due to the lady to add, that
+     in every instance her conduct has been marked by the
+     strictest sense of propriety, and that too in situations
+     where, it is said, every attraction was offered to have
+     induced a very opposite course.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[204]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      musical amateur B&mdash;&mdash;-h, supported by the director De R-s on one
+      hand, and the communicative manager, John Ebers, of Bond-street, on the
+      other; in a snug corner on the right hand of the mirror was seated one of
+      his majesty's most honourable privy council, the Earl of W&mdash;&mdash;-d,
+      with a double Dollond's operatic magnifier in his hand, studying nature
+      from this most delightful of all miniature models. "A most perfect
+      divinity," whispered the exquisite. "A glorious fine study," said Transit,&mdash;and,
+      pulling out his card-case and pencil, retired to one corner of the room,
+      to make a mem., as he called it, of the scene. (See Plate.) "Who the deuce
+      is that eccentric-looking creature with the Marquis of Hertford?" said I.
+      "Hush," replied the exquisite, "for heaven's sake, don't expose yourself!
+      Not to know the superlative roué of the age, the all-accomplished
+      Petersham, would set you down for a barbarian at once." "And who," said I,
+      "is the amiable fair bending before the admiring Worter?" "An old and very
+      dear acquaintance of the Earl of F-e, Mademoiselle Noblet, who, it is
+      said, displays much cool philosophy at the inconstancy of her once
+      enamoured swain, consoling herself for his loss, in the enjoyment of a
+      splendid annuity." A host of other bewitching forms led my young fancy
+      captive by turns, as my eye travelled round the magic circle of delight:
+      some were, I found, of that yielding spirit, which can pity the young
+      heart's fond desire; with others had secured honourable protection: and if
+      his companion's report was to be credited, there were very few among the
+      enchanting spirits before yet with whom that happiness which springs from
+      virtuous pure affection was to be anticipated. If was no place to
+      moralize, but, to you who know my buoyancy of spirit, and susceptibility
+      of mind, I must confess, the reflection produced a momentary pang of the
+      keenest misery.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0045" id="image-0045">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page205.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page205-th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page205" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /> <a name="link2H_4_0024" id="link2H_4_0024">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE ROYAL SALOON.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Visit of Heartly, Lionise, and Transit&mdash;Description of the
+     Place&mdash;Sketches of Character&mdash;The Gambling Parsons&mdash;Horse
+     Chaunting, a true Anecdote&mdash;Bang and her Friends&mdash;Moll Raffle
+     and the Marquis W.&mdash;The Play Man&mdash;The Touter&mdash;The Half-pay
+     Officer&mdash;Charles Rattle, Esq.&mdash;Life of a modern Roué-B&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;
+     the Tailor&mdash;The Subject&mdash;Jarvey and Brooks the Dissector&mdash;
+     "Kill him when you want him"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[205]</span> After the opera, Bob Transit proposed
+      an adjournment to the Royal Saloon, in Piccadilly, a place of fashionable
+      resort (said Bob) for shell-fish and sharks, Greeks and pigeons, Cyprians
+      and citizens, noble and ignoble&mdash;in short, a mighty rendezvous, where
+      every variety of character is to be found, from the finished sharper to
+      the finished gentleman; a scene pregnant with subject for the pencil of
+      the humorist, and full of the richest materials for the close observer of
+      men and manners. Hither we retired to make a night of it, or rather to
+      consume the hours between midnight and morning's dawn. The place itself is
+      fitted up in a very novel and attractive style of decoration, admirably
+      calculated for a saloon of pleasure and refreshment; but more resembling a
+      Turkish kiosk than an English tavern. On the ground floor, which is of an
+      oblong form and very spacious, are a number of divisions enclosed on each
+      side with rich damask curtains, having each a table and seats for the
+      reception of supper or drinking parties; at the extreme end, and <span
+      class="pagenum">[206]</span> on each side, mirrors of unusual large
+      dimensions give an infinity of perspective, which greatly increases the
+      magnificence of the place. In the centre of the room are pedestals
+      supporting elegant vases filled with choice exotics. A light and tasteful
+      trellis-work surrounds a gallery above, which forms a promenade round the
+      room, the walls being painted to resemble a conservatory, in which the
+      most luxuriant shrubs are seen spreading their delightful foliage over a
+      spacious dome, from the centre of which is suspended a magnificent
+      chandelier. Here are placed, at stated distances, rustic tables, for the
+      accommodation of those who choose coffee and tea; and leading from this,
+      on each side, are several little snug private boudoirs for select parties,
+      perfectly secure from the prying eye of vulgar curiosity, and where only
+      the privileged few are ever permitted to enter. It was in this place,
+      surrounded by well-known Greeks, with whom he appeared to be on the most
+      intimate terms, that Transit pointed out to my notice the eccentric Vicar
+      of K**, the now invisible author of L****, whose aphorisms and conduct
+      bear not the slightest affinity to each other&mdash;nor was he the only
+      clerical present; at the head of a jolly party, at an adjoining table, sat
+      the ruby-faced Parson John A&mdash;&mdash;-e, late proprietor of the
+      notorious Gothic Hall, in Pall Mall, a man of first rate wit and talent,
+      but of the lowest and most depraved habits. "The Divine is a character"
+      said Bob, "who, according to the phraseology of the ring, is 'good at
+      every thing:' as he came into the world without being duly licensed, so he
+      thinks himself privileged to pursue the most unlicensed conduct in his
+      passage through it. As a specimen of his ingenuity in horse-dealing, I'll
+      give you an anecdote.&mdash;It is not long since that the parson invited a
+      party of bucks to dinner, at his snug little villa on the banks of the
+      Thames, near Richmond, in Surrey. Previous to the repast, the reverend
+      <span class="pagenum">[207]</span> led his visitors forth to admire the
+      gardens and surrounding scenery, when just at the moment they had reached
+      the outer gate, a fine noble-looking horse was driven past in a tilbury by
+      a servant in a smart livery.&mdash;'What a magnificent animal!' said the
+      parson; 'the finest action I ever beheld in my life: there's a horse to
+      make a man's fortune in the park, and excite the envy and notice of all
+      the town.' 'Who does he belong to?' said a young baronet of the party, who
+      had just come out. 'I'll inquire,' said the parson: 'the very thing for
+      you, Sir John.' Away posts the reverend, bawling after the servant, 'Will
+      your master sell that horse, my man?' 'I can't say, sir,' said the fellow,
+      'but I can inquire, and let you know.' 'Do, my lad, and tell him a
+      gentleman here will give a handsome price for him.' Away trots the
+      servant, and the party proceed to dinner. As soon as the dessert is
+      brought in, and the third glass circulated, the conversation is renewed
+      relative to the horse&mdash;the whole party agree in extolling his
+      qualities; when, just in the nick of time, the servant arrives to say his
+      master being aged and infirm, the animal is somewhat too spirited for him,
+      and if the gentleman likes, he may have him for one hundred guineas. 'A
+      mere trifle,' vociferates the company. 'Cheap as Rivington's second-hand
+      sermons,' said the parson. The baronet writes a check for the money, and
+      generously gives the groom a guinea for his trouble&mdash;drives home in
+      high glee&mdash;and sends his servant down next morning to the parson's
+      for his new purchase&mdash;orders the horse to be put into his splendid
+      new tilbury, built under the direction of Sir John Lade&mdash;just reaches
+      Grosvenor-gate from Hamilton-place in safety, when the horse shows
+      symptoms of being a miller. Baronet, nothing daunted, touches him smartly
+      under the flank, when up he goes on his fore-quarters, smashes the tilbury
+      into ten thousand pieces, bolts away with the traces and shafts, and
+      leaves the baronet with a broken head <span class="pagenum">[208]</span>
+      on one side of the road, and his servant with a broken arm on the other.
+      'Where the devil did you get that quiet one from, Sir John!' said the
+      Honourable Fitzroy St&mdash;&mdash;-e, whom the accident had brought to
+      the spot.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      'The parson bought him of an old gentleman at Richmond yesterday for me.'
+      'Done, brown as a berry,' said Fitzroy: 'I sold him only on Saturday last
+      to the reverend myself for twenty pounds as an incurable miller. Why the
+      old clerical's turned coper{1}&mdash;;a new way of raising the wind&mdash;letting
+      his friends down easy&mdash;gave you a good dinner, I suppose, Sir John,
+      and took this method of drawing the bustle{2} for it: an old trick of the
+      reverend's.' After this it is hardly necessary to say, the servant was a
+      confederate, and the whole affair nothing more or less than a true
+      orthodox farce of horse chaunting,{3} got up for the express purpose of
+      raising a temporary supply."{4}
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1  A horse-dealer.
+
+     2  Money.
+
+     3 Tricking persons into the purchase of unsound or vicious
+     horses.
+
+     4 A practice by no means uncommon among a certain
+     description of dashing characters, who find chaunting a
+     horse to a green one, a snug accidental party at chicken
+     hazard, or a confederacy to entrap some inexperienced bird
+     of fashion, where he may be plucked by Greek banditti, pay
+     exceedingly well for these occasional dinner parties.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      At this moment our attention was engaged by the entrance of a party of
+      exquisites and elegantes, dressed in the very extreme of opera costume,
+      who directed their steps to the regions above us. "I'll bet a hundred,"
+      said the honourable, "I know that leg," eyeing a divine little foot and a
+      finely turned ankle that was just then discernible from beneath a rich
+      pink drapery, as the possessor ascended the gallery of the conservatory,
+      lounging on the arm of the Irish Earl of C&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;; " the
+      best leg in England, and not a bad figure for an ancient," continued
+      Lionise: "that is the celebrated Mrs. Bertram, alias Bang&mdash;everybody
+      <span class="pagenum">[209]</span> knows Bang; that is, every body in the
+      fashionable world. She must have been a most delightful creature when she
+      first came out, and has continued longer in bloom than any of the present
+      houris of the west; but I forgot you were fresh, and only in training,
+      Heartly&mdash;I must introduce you to Bang: you will never arrive at any
+      eminence among the haut classe unless you can call these beauties by
+      name." "And who the deuce is Bang?" said I: "not that elegantly-dressed
+      female whom I see tripping up the gallery stairs yonder, preceded by
+      several other delightful faces." "The same, my dear fellow: a fallen star,
+      to be sure, but yet a planet round whose orbit move certain other little
+      twinkling luminaries whose attractive glimmerings are very likely to
+      enlighten your obscure sentimentality. Bang was the daughter of a
+      bathing-woman at Brighton, from whence she eloped early in life with a
+      navy lieutenant-has since been well known as a dasher of the first water
+      upon the pave&mdash;regularly sports her carriage in the drive&mdash;and
+      has numbered among her protectors, at various times, the Marquis W&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;,
+      Lord A&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;, Colonel C&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;, and, lastly,
+      a descendant of the mighty Wallace, who, in an auto-biographical sketch,
+      boasts of his intimacy with this fascinating cyprian. She has, however,
+      one qualification, which is not usually found among those of her class&mdash;she
+      has had the prudence to preserve a great portion of her liberal
+      allowances, and is now perfectly independent of the world. We must visit
+      one of her evening parties in the neighbourhood of Euston-square, when she
+      invites a select circle of her professional sisters to a ball and supper,
+      to which entertainment her male visitors are expected to contribute
+      liberally. She has fixed upon the earl, I should think, more for the
+      honour of the title than with any pecuniary hopes, his dissipation having
+      left him scarce enough to keep up appearances." "The amiable who precedes
+      her," said I, "is of the same class, I <span class="pagenum">[210]</span>
+      presume&mdash;precisely, and equally notorious." "That is the celebrated
+      Mrs. L&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;, better known as Moll Raffle, from the
+      circumstance of her being actually raffled for, some years since, by the
+      officers of the seventh dragoons, when they were quartered at Rochester:
+      like her female friend, she is a woman of fortune, said to be worth
+      eighteen hundred per annum, with which she has recently purchased herself
+      a Spanish cavalier for a husband. A curious anecdote is related of Moll
+      and her once kind friend, the Marquis of W&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;,
+      who is said to have given her a bond for seven thousand pounds, on a
+      certain great house, not a mile from Hyde-park corner, which he has since
+      assigned to a fortunate general, the present possessor; who, thinking his
+      title complete, proceeded to take possession, but found his entry disputed
+      by the lady, to whom he was eventually compelled to pay the forfeiture of
+      the bond. Come along, my boy," said Lionise; "I'll introduce you at once
+      to the whole party, and then you can make your own selection." "Not at
+      present: I came here for general observation, not private intrigue, and
+      must confess I have seldom found a more diversified scene."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "I beg pardon, gentlemen," said an easy good-looking fellow, with
+      something rather imposing in his manner&mdash;"Shall I intrude here?&mdash;will
+      'you permit me to take a seat in your box?" "By all means," replied I;
+      Bob, at the same moment, pressing his elbow into my side, and the
+      exquisite raising his glass very significantly to his eye, the stranger
+      continued&mdash;"A very charming saloon this, gentlemen, and the company
+      very superior to the general assemblage at such places: my friend, the
+      Earl of C&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;, yonder, I perceive, amorously engaged;
+      Lord P&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;, too, graces the upper regions with the
+      delightful Josephine: really this is quite the café royal of London; the
+      accommodation, too, admirable&mdash;not merely confined to refreshments; I
+      am told there are excellent billiard <span class="pagenum">[211]</span>
+      tables, and snug little private rooms for a quiet rubber, or a little
+      chicken hazard. Do you play, gentlemen? very happy to set you for a main
+      or two, by way of killing time." That one word, play, let me at once into
+      the secret of our new acquaintance's character, and fully explained the
+      distant reception and cautious bearing of my associates. My positive
+      refusal to accommodate produced a very polite bow, and the party
+      immediately retired to reconnoitre among some less suspicious visitants.
+      "A nibble," said Transit, "from an ivory turner."{5} "By the honour of my
+      ancestry," said Lionise, "a very finished sharper; I remember Lord F&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;
+      pointing him out to me at the last Newmarket spring meeting, when we met
+      him, arm in arm, with a sporting baronet. What the fellow was, nobody
+      knows; but he claims a military title&mdash;captain, of course&mdash;perhaps
+      has formerly held a lieutenancy in a militia regiment: he now commands a
+      corps of sappers on the Greek staff, and when he honoured us with a call
+      just now was on the recruiting service, I should think; but our friend,
+      Heartly, here, would not stand drill, so he has marched off on the forlorn
+      hope, and is now, you may perceive, concerting some new scheme with a
+      worthy brother touter,{6} who is on the half pay of the British army, and
+      receives full pay in the service of the Greeks. We must make a descent
+      into hell some night," said Transit, "and sport a few crowns at roulette
+      or rouge et noir, to give Heartly his degree. We shall proceed regularly
+      upon college principles, old fellow: first, we will visit the Little Go in
+      King-street, and then drop into the Great Go, alias Watiers, in
+      Piccadilly; after which we can sup in Crockford's pandemonium among
+      parliamentary pigeons, unfledged
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     5 A tats man, a proficient with the bones, one who knows
+     every chance upon the dice.
+
+     6 A decoy, who seduces the young or inexperienced to the
+     gaming table, and receives a per centage upon their losses.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[212]</span> ensigns of the guards, broken down
+      titled legs, and ci-devant bankers, fishmongers, and lightermen; and here
+      comes the very fellow to introduce us&mdash;an old college chum, Charles
+      Rattle, who was expelled Brazennose for smuggling, and who has since been
+      pretty well plucked by merciless Greek banditti and Newmarket jockeys, but
+      who bears his losses with the temper of a philosopher, and still pursues
+      the destructive vice with all the infatuation of the most ardent devotee."
+      "How d'ye do, old fellows?&mdash;how d'ye do? Who would have thought to
+      have met the philosopher (pointing to me) at such a place as this, among
+      the impures of both sexes, legs and leg-ees? Come to sport a little blunt
+      with the table or the traders, hey! Heartly? Always suspected you was no
+      puritan, although you wear such a sentimental visage. Well, old fellows, I
+      am glad to see you, however,&mdash;come, a bottle of Champagne, for I have
+      just cast off all my real troubles&mdash;had a fine run of luck to-night&mdash;broke
+      the bank, and bolted with all the cash. Just in the nick of time-off for
+      Epsom to-morrow&mdash;double my bets upon the Derby, and if the thing
+      comes off right, I'll give somebody a thousand or two to tie me up from
+      playing again above five pounds stakes as long as I live. The best thing
+      you ever heard in your life&mdash;a double to do. Ned C&mdash;&mdash;-d
+      having heard I had just received a few thousands, by the sale of the
+      Yorkshire acres, planned it with Colonel T&mdash;&mdash;- to introduce me
+      to the new club, where a regular plant was to be made, by some of his
+      myrmidons, to clear me out, by first letting me win a few thousands, when
+      they were to pounce upon me, double the stakes, and finish me off in prime
+      style, fleecing me out of every guinea&mdash;very good-trick and tie, you
+      know, is fair play&mdash;and for this very honest service, my friend, the
+      colonel, was to receive a commission, or per centage, in proportion to my
+      losses: the very last man in the world that the old pike could <span
+      class="pagenum">[213]</span> have baited for in that way&mdash;the
+      colonel's down a little, to be sure, but not so low as to turn confederate
+      to a leg&mdash;so suppressed his indignation at the proposition, and lent
+      himself to the scheme, informing me of the whole circumstances&mdash;well,
+      all right&mdash;we determined to give the old one a benefit&mdash;dined
+      with him to-day&mdash;a very snug party&mdash;devilish good dinner&mdash;superb
+      wines&mdash;drank freely&mdash;punished his claret&mdash;and having
+      knocked about Saint Hugh's bones{7} until I was five thousand in pocket,
+      politely took my leave, without giving the parties their revenge. Never
+      saw a finer scene in the course of my life-such queer looks, and long
+      faces, and smothered wailings when they found themselves done by a brace
+      of gudgeons, whom they had calculated upon picking to the very bones!
+      Come, old fellows, a toast: Here's Fishmonger's Hall, and may every
+      suspected gudgeon prove a shark."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The bottle now circulated freely, and the open-hearted Rattle delighted us
+      with the relation of some college anecdotes, which I shall reserve for a
+      hearty laugh when we meet. The company continued to increase with the
+      appearance of morning; and here might be seen the abandoned profligate,
+      with his licentious female companion, completing the night's debauch by
+      the free use of intoxicating liquors&mdash;the ruined spendthrift, fresh
+      from the gaming-table, loudly calling for wine, to drown the remembrance
+      of his folly, and abusing the drowsy waiter only to give utterance to his
+      irritated feelings. In a snug corner might be seen a party of sober,
+      quiet-looking gentlemen, taking their lobster and bucellas, whose first
+      appearance would impress you with the belief of their respectability, but
+      whom, upon inquiry, you would discover to be Greek banditti, retired
+      hither to divide their ill gotten spoils. It was among a party of this
+      description that Rattle pointed out a celebrated writer, whose lively
+      style and accurate description of
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     7 Saint Hugh's bones, a cant phrase for dice.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[214]</span> men and manners display no common mind.
+      Yet here he was seen associated with the most depraved of the human
+      species&mdash;the gambler by profession, the common cheat! What wonder
+      that such connexions should have compelled him for a time to become an
+      exile to his country, and on his return involved him in a transaction that
+      has ended in irretrievable ruin and disgrace? "By the honour of my
+      ancestry," said Lionise, "yonder is that delectable creature, old Crony,
+      the dinner many that is the most surprising animal we have yet found among
+      the modern discoveries&mdash;polite to and point&mdash;always well dressed&mdash;keeps
+      the best society&mdash;or, I should say, the best society keeps him: to an
+      amazing fund of the newest on dits and anecdotes of ton, always ready cut
+      and dried, he joins a smattering of the classics, and chops logic with the
+      learned that he may carve their more substantial fare gratis; has a memory
+      tenacious as a chief judge on matter of invitation, and a stomach
+      capacious as a city alderman in doing honour to the feast; pretends to be
+      a connoisseur in wines, although he never possessed above one bottle at a
+      time in his cellaret, I should think, in the whole course of his life;
+      talks about works of art and virtu as if Sir Joshua Reynolds had been his
+      nurse&mdash;Claude his intimate acquaintance&mdash;or Praxiteles his great
+      great grandfather. The fellow affects a most dignified contempt for the
+      canaille, because, in truth, they never invite him to dinner&mdash;is on
+      the free list of all the theatres, from having formerly been freely hiss'd
+      upon their boards&mdash;a retired tragedy king on a small pension, with a
+      republican stomach, who still enacts the starved apothecary at home, from
+      penury, and liberally crams his voracious paunch, stuffing like Father
+      Paul, when at the table of others. With these habits, he has just managed
+      to scrape together some sixty pounds per annum, upon which, by good
+      management, he contrives to live like an emperor; for instance, he keeps a
+      regular book of <span class="pagenum">[215]</span> invitations, numbers
+      his friends according to the days of the year, and divides and subdivides
+      them in accordance with their habits and pursuits, so that an unexpected
+      invitation requires a reference to his journal: if you invite him for
+      Saturday next, he will turn to his tablets, apologise for a previous
+      engagement, run his eye eagerly down the column for an occasional
+      absentee, and then invite himself for some day in the ensuing week, to
+      which your politeness cannot fail to accede. You will meet him in London,
+      Brighton, Bath, Cheltenham, and Margate during the fashionable periods; at
+      all of which places he has his stated number of dinner friends, where his
+      presence is as regularly looked for as the appearance of the swallow.
+      Among the play men he is useful as a looker on, to make one at the table
+      when they are thin of customers, or to drink a young one into a proper
+      state for plucking: in other society he coins compliments for the fair
+      lady of the mansion, extols his host's taste and good fellowship at table,
+      tells a smutty story to amuse the <i>bon vivants</i> in their cups, or
+      recites a nursery rhyme to send the children quietly to bed; and in this
+      manner Crony manages to come in for a good dinner every day of his life.
+      Call on him for a song, and he'll give you, what he calls, a free
+      translation of a Latin ode, by old Walter de Mapes, Archdeacon of Oxford
+      in the eleventh century, a true <i>gourmands</i> prayer&mdash;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 Mihi est propositum in tabernâ mon.'
+     I'll try and hum you Crony's English version of the
+     CANTILENA.
+
+     'I'll in a tavern end my days, midst boon companions merry,
+     Place at my lips a lusty flask replete with sparkling sherry,
+     That angels, hov'ring round, may cry, when I lie dead as door-nail,
+     'Rise, genial deacon, rise, and drink of the well of life eternal.'
+
+</pre>
+    <hr />
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     <span class="pagenum">[216]</span>
+     'Various implements belong to ev'ry occupation;
+     Give me an haunch of venison&mdash;and a fig for inspiration!
+     Verses and odes without good cheer, I never could indite 'em;
+     Sure he who meagre, days devised is d&mdash;&mdash;-d ad infinitum!
+
+</pre>
+    <hr />
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     'Mysteries and prophetic truths, I never could unfold 'em
+     Without a flagon of good wine and a slice of cold ham;
+     But when I've drained my liquor out, and eat what's in the dish up,
+     Though I am but an arch-deacon, I can preach like an arch-
+     bishop.'"
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+"A good orthodox ode," said Transit, "and admirably suited to the
+performer, who, after all, it must be allowed, is a very entertaining
+fellow, and well worthy of his dinner, from the additional amusement he
+affords. I remember meeting him in company with the late Lord Coleraine,
+the once celebrated Colonel George Hanger, when he related an anecdote
+of the humorist, which his lordship freely admitted to be founded on
+fact. As I have never seen it in print, or heard it related by any one
+since, you shall have it instanter: It is well known that our present
+laughter-loving monarch was, in earlier years, often surrounded, when in
+private, by a coruscation of wit and talent, which included not only the
+most distinguished persons in the state, but also some celebrated bon
+vivants and amateur vocalists, among whom the names of the Duke of
+Orleans, Earl of Derby, Charles James Fox, Richard Brinsley Sheridan,
+the facetious poet lauréat to the celebrated Beefsteak club, Tom
+Hewardine, Sir John Moore, Mr Brownlow, Captain Thompson, Bate Dudley,
+Captain Morris, and Colonel George Hanger, formed the most conspicuous
+characters at the princely anacreontic board. But
+
+    'Who would be grave&mdash;when wine can save
+     The heaviest soul from thinking,
+     And magic grapes give angel's shapes
+     To every girl we're drinking!'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[217]</span> It was on one of these festive
+      occasions, when whim, and wit, and sparkling wine combined to render the
+      festive scene the 'Feast of reason and the flow of soul,' that the Prince
+      of Wales invited himself and his brother, the Duke of York, to dine with
+      George Hanger. An honour so unlooked for, and one for which George was so
+      little prepared (as he then resided in obscure lodgings near Soho-square),
+      quite overpowered the Colonel, who, however, quickly recovering his
+      surprise, assured his royal highness of the very high sense he entertained
+      of the honour intended him, but lamented it was not in his power to
+      receive him, and his illustrious brother, in a manner suitable to their
+      royal dignity. 'You only wish to save your viands, George,' said the
+      prince: 'we shall certainly dine with you on the day appointed; and
+      whether you reside on the first floor or the third, never mind&mdash;the
+      feast will not be the less agreeable from the altitude of the apartment,
+      or the plainness of the repast.' Thus encouraged, George was determined to
+      indulge in a joke with his royal visitors. On the appointed day, the
+      prince and duke arrived, and were shown up stairs to George's apartments,
+      on the second floor, where a very tasteful banquet was set out, but more
+      distinguished by neatness than splendour: after keeping his illustrious
+      guests waiting a considerable period beyond the time agreed on, by way of
+      sharpening their appetites, the prince good-humouredly inquired what he
+      meant to give them for dinner?' Only one dish,' said George; 'but that one
+      will, I flatter myself, be a novelty to my royal guests, and prove highly
+      palatable.' 'And what may that be?' said the prince. 'The wing of a
+      wool-bird,' replied the facetious colonel. It was in vain the prince and
+      duke conjectured what this strange title could import, when George
+      appeared before them with a tremendous large red baking dish, <span
+      class="pagenum">[218]</span> smoking hot, in which was supported a fine
+      well-browned shoulder of mutton, dropping its rich gravy over some crisp
+      potatoes. The prince and his brother enjoyed the joke amazingly, and they
+      have since been heard to declare, they never ate a heartier meal in their
+      life, or one (from its novelty to them in the state in which it was served
+      up), which they have relished more. George had, however, reserved a <i>bonne
+      bouche</i>, in a superb dessert and most exquisite wines, for which the
+      prince had heard he was famous, and which was, perhaps, the principal
+      incitement to the honour conferred."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      After a night spent in the utmost hilarity, heightened by the vivacity and
+      good-humour of my associates, to which might be added, the full
+      gratification of my prevailing <i>penchant</i> for the observance of
+      character, we were on the point of departing, when Transit, ever on the
+      alert in search of variety, observed a figure whom (in his phrase) he had
+      long wished to book; in a few moments a sketch of this eccentric personage
+      was before us. "That is the greatest original we have yet seen," said our
+      friend Bob: "he is now in the honourable situation of croupier to one of
+      the most notorious hells in the metropolis. This poor devil was once a
+      master tailor of some respectability, until getting connected with a gang
+      of sharpers, he was eventually fleeced of all his little property: his
+      good-natured qualifications, and the harmless pleasantries with which he
+      abounds, pointed him out as a very proper person to act as a confederate
+      to the more wealthy legs; from a pigeon he became a bird of prey, was
+      enlisted into the corps, and regularly initiated into all the diabolical
+      mysteries of the black art. For some time he figured as a decoy upon the
+      town, dressed in the first style of fashion, and driving an unusually fine
+      horse and elegant Stanhope, until a circumstance, arising out of a <span
+      class="pagenum">[219]</span> joke played off upon him by his companions,
+      when in a state of intoxication, made him so notorious, that his
+      usefulness in that situation was entirely frustrated, and, consequently,
+      he has since been employed within doors, in the more sacred mysteries of
+      the Greek temple. The gentleman I mean is yonder, with the Joliffe tile
+      and sharp indented countenance: his real name is B&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;;
+      but he has now obtained the humorous cognomen of 'The subject' from having
+      been, while in a state of inebriety, half stripped, put into a sack, and
+      in this manner conveyed to the door of Mr. Brooks, the celebrated
+      anatomist in Blenheim-street, by a hackney night-coachman, who was known
+      to the party as the resurrection Jarvey. On his being deposited in this
+      state at the lecturer's door, by honest Jehu, who offered him for sale,
+      the surgeon proceeded to examine his subject, when, untying the sack, he
+      discovered the man was breathing: 'Why, you scoundrel,' said the irritable
+      anatomist, 'the man's not dead.' 'Not dead!' re-echoed coachee, laughing
+      at the joke, 'Why, then, kill him when you want him!' The consequence of
+      this frolic had, however, nearly proved more serious than the projectors
+      anticipated: the anatomist, suspecting it was some trick to enter his
+      house for burglarious purposes, gave the alarm, when Jarvey made his
+      escape; but poor B&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;was secured, and conveyed the next
+      morning to Marlborough-street, where it required all the ingenuity of a
+      celebrated Old Bailey solicitor to prevent his being committed for the
+      attempt to rob a bonehouse."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      After this anecdote, we all agreed to separate. Transit would fain have
+      led us to the Covent-garden finish, which he describes as being unusually
+      rich in character; but this was deferred until another night, when I shall
+      introduce you to some new acquaintances.&mdash;Adieu. Lady Mary Oldstyle
+      and the D'Almaine family are off to-morrow for Brighton, from which place
+      expect some few descriptive sketches.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Horatio Heartly.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="image-0046" id="image-0046">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page220.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page220 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br /> <a name="spread" id="spread"></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img alt="page221 (157K)" src="images/page221.jpg" width="100%" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br />
+    </p>
+    <h2>
+      THE SPREAD,{1} OR WINE PARTY AT BRAZEN-NOSE.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+         "Hear, Momus, hoar! blithe sprite, whose dimpling cheek
+          Of quips, and cranks ironic, seems to speak,
+          Who lovest learned victims, and whose shrine
+          Groans with the weight of victims asinine.
+          Nod with assent! thy lemon juice infuse!
+          Though of male sex, I woo thee for a Muse."
+
+     <i>A College Wine Party described&mdash;Singular Whim of Horace
+     Eglantine&mdash;Meeting of the Oxford Crackademonians&mdash;Sketches
+     of eccentric Characters, drawn from the Life&mdash;The Doctor's
+     Daughter&mdash;An old Song&mdash;A Round of Sculls&mdash;Epitaphs on the
+     Living and the Dead&mdash;Tom Tick, a College Tale&mdash;The Voyagers
+     &mdash;Notes and Anecdotes.</i>
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      A college wine party I could very well conceive from the specimen I had
+      already of my companion's frolicsome humours, was not unlikely to produce
+      some departure from college rules which might eventually involve me in <i>rustication,
+      fine</i>, or <i>imposition</i>. To avoid it was impossible; it was the
+      first invitation of an early friend, and must be obeyed. The anticipation
+      of a bilious head-ache on the morrow, or perhaps a first appearance
+      before, or lecture from, the vice-chancellor, principal, or proctor, made
+      me somewhat tardy in my appearance at the <i>spread</i>. The butler was
+      just marching a second
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 A spread. A wine party of from thirty to one hundred and
+     twenty persons. The party who gives the spread generally
+     invites all the under-graduates he is acquainted with; a
+     dessert is ordered either from Jubber's, or Sadler's, for
+     the number invited, for which he is charged at per head.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[221]</span> reinforcement of <i>black men, or heavy
+      artillery</i> from the college magazine, across the quadrangle, for the
+      use of the dignitaries' table; when I, a poor solitary <i>freshman</i>,
+      advanced with sentimental awe and fearful stride beneath the arched
+      entrance of Brazen-nose. Where Eglantine's rooms were situated I had no
+      means of knowing, his card supplying only the name of his college; to make
+      some inquiry would be necessary, but of whom, not a creature but what
+      appeared much too busily employed, as they ran to and fro laden with wine
+      and viands, to answer the interrogatories of a stranger. I was on the
+      point of retreating to obtain the requisite information from the waiter at
+      the Mitre, when old Mark Supple made his appearance, with "Your servant,
+      sir: I have been in search of you at your inn, by command of Mr.
+      Eglantine, <i>take notice</i>&mdash;who with a large party of friends are
+      waiting your company to a <i>spread</i>." "A large party, Mark?" said I,
+      suspecting there was some secret drama in rehearsal, in which I was to
+      play a principal part. "A very large party, sir, and a very extraordinary
+      one too, <i>take notice</i>&mdash;such a collection as I never saw before
+      within the walls of a college&mdash;living curiosities, <i>take notice</i>&mdash;all
+      the <i>comicals</i> of Oxford brought together,{2} and this 2 This
+      adventure, strange as it may appear, actually occurred a short time since,
+      when Mr. J*****n of Brazen-nose invited the characters here named to an
+      entertainment in the College. Sir Richard Steele, when on a visit to
+      Edinburgh, indulged in a similar freak: he made a splendid feast, and
+      whilst the servants were wondering for what great personages it was
+      intended, he sent them into the streets, to collect all the eccentrics,
+      beggars, and poor people, that chance might throw in their way, and invite
+      them to his house. A pretty large party being mustered, they were well
+      plied with whiskey-punch and wine; when, forgetting their cares, and free
+      from all restraint, they gave loose to every peculiarity of their
+      respective characters. When the entertainment was over, Sir Richard
+      declared, that besides the pleasure of filling so many hungry bellies, and
+      enjoying an hour of rich amusement, he had gleaned from them humour enough
+      to form a good comedy, or at least a farce.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      THE SPREAD, OR WINE PARTY AT BRAZEN-NOSE 223
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      is what Mr. Eglantine calls his <i>museum of character</i>, but which I
+      should call a <i>regiment of caricatures, take notice</i>&mdash;but I
+      heard him say, that he had invited them on purpose to surprise you; that
+      he knew you was fond of eccentricity, and that he thought he had prepared
+      a great treat. I only wish he may get rid of them as easily as he brought
+      them there, for if the bull-dogs should gain scent of them there would be
+      a pretty row, <i>take notice</i>." Mark's information, instead of
+      producing the alarm he evidently anticipated, had completely dispelled all
+      previous fears, and operated like the prologue to a rich comedy, from
+      which I expected to derive considerable merriment: following, therefore,
+      my conductor up one flight of stairs on the opposite side of the space
+      from which I had entered, I found myself at the closed <i>oak</i> of my
+      friend. "Mr. Eglantine is giving them a <i>chaunt</i>" said Mark, who had
+      applied his ear to the key-hole of the door: "we must wait till the song
+      is over, or you will be fined in a double bumper of <i>bishop</i>, for
+      interrupting the <i>stave, take notice</i>." Curiosity prompted me to
+      follow Mark's example, when I overheard Horace chanting part of an old
+      satirical ballad on John Wilkes, to the tune of the Dragon of Wantley;
+      commencing with&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And ballads I have heard rehearsed By harmonists itinerant, Who modern
+      worthies celebrate, Yet scarcely make a dinner on't. Some of whom sprang
+      from noble race, And some were in a pig-sty born, Dependent upon royal
+      grace Or triple tree of Tyburn.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      CHORUS. John Wilkes he was for Middlesex, They chose him knight of the
+      shire: He made a fool of alderman Bull, And call'd parson Home a liar.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[224]</span> The moment silence was obtained, old
+      Mark gave three distinct knocks at the door, when Horace himself appeared,
+      and we were immediately admitted to the temple of the Muses; where, seated
+      round a long table, appeared a variety of characters that would have
+      rivalled (from description) the Beggars' Club in St. Giles's&mdash;the
+      Covent-Garden Finish&mdash;or the once celebrated Peep o' day boys in
+      Fleet-lane. At the upper end of the table were Tom Echo and Bob Transit,
+      the first smoking his cigar, the second sketching the portraits of the
+      motley group around him on the back of his address cards; at the lower end
+      of the room, on each side of the chair from which Eglantine had just risen
+      to welcome me, sat little Dick Gradus, looking as knowing as an Old Bailey
+      counsel dissecting a burglary case, and the honourable Lillyman Lionise,
+      the Eton <i>exquisite</i>, looking as delicate and frightened as if his
+      whole system of ethics was likely to be revolutionized by this night's
+      entertainment. To such a society a formal introduction was of course
+      deemed essential; and this favour Horace undertook by recommending me to
+      the particular notice of the <i>crackademonians</i> (as he was pleased to
+      designate the elegant assemblage by whom we were then surrounded), in the
+      following oration: "Most noble <i>cracks</i>, and worthy cousin <i>trumps</i>&mdash;permit
+      me to introduce a brother of the <i>togati, fresh</i> as a new-blown rose,
+      and innocent as the lilies of St. Clement's. Be unto him, as ye have been
+      to all gownsmen from the beginning, ever ready to promote his wishes,
+      whether for spree or sport, in term or out of term&mdash;against the <i>Inquisition</i>
+      and their <i>bull-dogs</i>&mdash;the town <i>raff</i> and the <i>bargees</i>&mdash;well
+      <i>blunted or stiver cramped</i>&mdash;against <i>dun or don&mdash;nob or
+      big wig</i>&mdash;so may you never want a bumper of <i>bishop</i>: and
+      thus do I commend him to your merry keeping." "Full charges, boys," said
+      Echo, "fill up their glasses, Count Dennett{3}; 3 Count Dennett,
+      hair-dresser at Corpus and Oriel Colleges, a very eccentric man, who has
+      saved considerable property; celebrated for making bishops' wigs, playing
+      at cribbage, and psalm-singing.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[225]</span>Here's Brother Blackmantle of
+      Brazen-nose." "A speech, a speech!" vociferated all the party. "Yes,
+      worthy brother <i>cracks</i>," replied I, "you shall have a speech, the
+      very acme of oratory; a brief speech, composed by no less a personage than
+      the great Lexicographer himself, and always used by him on such occasions
+      at the club in Ivy-lane. Here's all your healths, and <i>Esto perpétua</i>."
+      "Bravo!" said Eglantine;" the boy improves. Now a toast, a university lass&mdash;come,
+      boys, The Doctor's Daughter; and then a song from Crotchet C&mdash;ss."{4}
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          BURTON ALE.
+          AN ANCIENT OXFORD DITTY.
+
+          Of all the belles who Christ Church bless,
+          None's like the doctor's daughter{5};
+          Who hates affected squeamishness
+          Almost as much as water.
+          Unlike your modern dames, afraid
+          Of Bacchus's caresses;
+          She far exceeds the stoutest maid
+          Of excellent queen Bess's.
+
+          Hers were the days, says she, good lack,
+          The days to drink and munch in;
+          When butts of Burton, tuns of sack,
+          Wash'd down an ox for luncheon.
+          Confound your <i>nimpy-pimpy</i> lass,
+          Who faints and fumes at liquor;
+          Give me the girl that takes her glass
+          Like Moses and the vicar.
+
+     4 Mr. C&mdash;ss, otherwise Crotchet C&mdash;ss, bachelor of music,
+     and organist of Christ Church College, St. John's College,
+     and St. Mary's Church. An excellent musician, and a jolly
+     companion: he published, some time since, a volume of
+     chants.
+
+     5 A once celebrated university toast, with whose
+     eccentricities we could fill a volume; but having received
+     an intimation that it would be unpleasant to the lady's
+     feelings, we gallantly forbear.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[226]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          True emblem of immortal ale,
+          So famed in British lingo;
+          Stout, beady, and a little <i>stale</i>&mdash;
+          Long live the Burton stingo!
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      "A vulgar ditty, by my faith," said the exquisite, "in the true English
+      style, all <i>fol de rol</i>, and a vile chorus to split the tympanum of
+      one's auricular organs: do, for heaven's sake, Echo, let us have some <i>divertissement</i>
+      of a less boisterous character." "Agreed," said Eglantine, winking at
+      Echo; "we'll have a <i>round of sculls</i>. Every man shall sing a song,
+      write a poetical epitaph on his right hand companion, or drink off a
+      double dose of rum booze."{6} "Then I shall be confoundedly <i>cut</i>,"
+      said Dick Gradus, "for I never yet could chant a stave or make a couplet
+      in my life." "And I protest against a practice," said Lionise, "that has a
+      tendency to trifle with one's <i>transitory tortures</i>." "No appeal from
+      the chair," said Eglantine: "another bumper, boys; here's The Fair <i>Nuns
+      of St. Clement's</i>." "To which I beg leave to add," said Echo, "by way
+      of rider, their favourite pursuit, <i>The Study of the Fathers</i>." By
+      the time these toasts had been duly honoured, some of the party displayed
+      symptoms of being <i>moderately cut</i>, when Echo commenced by reciting
+      his epitaph on his next friend, Bob Transit:&mdash;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Here rests a wag, whose pencil drew
+          Life's characters of varied hue,
+          Bob Transit&mdash;famed in humour's sphere
+          For many a transitory year.
+          Though dead, still in the "English Spy"
+          He'll live for ever to the eye.
+          Here uncle White{7} reclines in peace,
+          Secure from nephew and from niece.
+
+     6 Rum booze&mdash;Flip made of white or port wine, the yolks of
+     eggs, sugar and nutmeg.
+
+     7  Uncle White, a venerable bed-maker of All Souls' College,
+     eighty-three years of age; has been in the service of the
+     college nearly seventy years: is always dressed in black,
+     and wears very largo silver knee and shoe-buckles; his hair,
+     which is milk-white, is in general tastefully curled: he is
+     known "to, and called uncle by, every inhabitant of the
+     university, and obtained the cog-nomen from his having an
+     incredible number of nephews and nieces in Oxford. In
+     appearance he somewhat resembles a clergyman of the old
+     school.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[227]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Of All-Souls' he, alive or dead;
+          Of milk-white name, the milk-white head.
+          By Uncle White.
+          Here lies Billy Chadwell,{8}
+          Who perform'd the duties of a dad well.
+
+               BY BILLY CHADWELL.
+          Ye maggots, now's your time to crow:
+          Old Boggy Hastings{9} rests below.
+
+               BY BOGGY HASTINGS.
+          A grosser man ne'er mix'd with stones
+          Than lies beneath&mdash;'Tis Figgy Jones.{10}
+
+               BY FIGGY JONES.
+          Here Marquis Wickens{11} lies incrust,
+          In clay-cold consecrated dust:
+          No more he'll brew, or pastry bake;
+          His sun is set&mdash;himself a cake.
+
+     8 Billy Chadwell, of psalm-singing notoriety, since dead;
+     would imitate syncope so admirably, as to deceive a whole
+     room full of company&mdash;in an instant he would become pale,
+     motionless, and ghastly as death; the action of his heart
+     has even appeared to be diminished: his sham fits, if
+     possible, exceeded his fainting. He was very quarrelsome
+     when in his cups; and when he had aggravated any one to the
+     utmost, to save himself from a severe beating would
+     apparently fall into a most dreadful fit, which never failed
+     to disarm his adversary of his rage, and to excite the
+     compassion of every by-stander.
+
+     9  Old Boggy Hastings supplies members of the university and
+     college servants who are anglers with worms and maggots.
+
+     10  Tommy J***s, alias Figgy Jones, an opulent grocer in the
+     High-street, and a common-councilman in high favour with the
+     lower orders of the freemen; a sporting character.
+
+     11  Marquis Wickens  formerly a confectioner, and now a
+     common brewer. He accumulated considerable property as a
+     confectioner, from placing his daughters, who were pretty
+     genteel girls, behind his counter, where they attracted a
+     great many gownsmen to the shop. No tradesman ever gained a
+     fortune more rapidly than this man: as soon as he found
+     himself inde-pendent of the university, he gave up his shop,
+     bought the Sun Inn, built a brewhouse, and is now gaining as
+     much money by selling beer as he formerly did by
+     confectionery.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[228]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+               BY MARQUIS WICKENS.
+          Ye <i>roués</i> all, be sad and mute;
+          Who now shall cut the stylish suit?
+          <i>Buck</i> Sheffield's{12 }gone&mdash;Ye Oxford men,
+          Where shall ye meet his like again?
+
+               BY BUCK SHEFFIELD.
+          MacLean{13} or <i>Tackle</i>, which you will,
+          In quiet sleeps beneath this hill.
+          Ye anglers, bend with one accord;
+          The stranger is no more abroad.
+
+               BY MACLEAN.
+          Here rests a punster, Jemmy Wheeler{14}
+          In wit and whim a wholesale dealer;
+          Unbound by care, he others bound,
+          And now lies gathered underground.
+
+     12  Sheffield, better known by the name of Buck Sheffield, a
+     master tailor and a member of the common council.
+
+     13  MacLean, an old bacchanalian Scotchman, better known by
+     the name of Tackle: a tall thin man, who speaks the broad
+     Scotch dialect; makes and mends fishing-tackle for members
+     of the university; makes bows and arrows for those who
+     belong to the Archery Society; is an indifferent musician,
+     occasionally amuses under-graduates in their apartments by
+     playing to them country dances and marches on the flute or
+     violin. He published his Life a short time since, in a thin
+     octavo pamphlet, entitled "The Stranger Abroad, or The
+     History of Myself," by MacLean.
+
+     14 Jemmy Wheeler of Magpie-lane, a bookbinder, of punning
+     celebrity; has published two or three excellent versified
+     puns in the Oxford Herald. He is a young man of good natural
+     abilities,
+but unfortunately applies them occasionally to a loose purpose.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[229]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+               BY JEMMY WHEELER.
+          A speedy-man, by nimble foe,
+          Lies buried in the earth below:
+          The Baron Perkins,{15} Mercury
+          To all the university.
+          Men of New College, mourn his fate,
+          Who <i>early</i> died by drinking <i>late</i>.
+
+               BY BARON PERKINS.
+          Ye Oxford <i>duns</i>, you're done at last;
+          Here Smiler W&mdash;&mdash;d{16} is laid fast.
+          No more his <i>oak</i> ye need assail;
+          He's book'd inside a wooden jail.
+
+               BY SMILER W&mdash;&mdash; OF C&mdash;&mdash; COLLEGE.
+          A thing called exquisite rests here:
+          For human nature's sake I hope,
+          Without uncharitable trope,
+          'Twill ne'er among us more appear.
+
+     15  William Perkins, alias Baron Perkins, alias the Baron, a
+     very jovial watchman of Holywell, the New College speedy-
+     man,{*} and factotum to New College.
+
+     16  Mr. W&mdash;&mdash;d, alias   Smiler  W&mdash;&mdash;d, a commoner   of
+     &mdash;&mdash;.   This gentleman is always laughing or smiling; is
+     long-winded, and consequently pestered with <i>duns</i>, who are
+     sometimes much chagrined by repeated disappointments; but
+     let them be ever so crusty, he never fails in laughing them
+     into a good humour before they leave his room.
+
+     It was over Smiler's oak in&mdash;&mdash;, that some wag had printed
+     and stuck up the following notice:
+
+          Men traps and spring guns
+          Set here to catch <i>duns</i>.
+
+     * A <i>speedy-man</i> at New College is a person employed to take
+     a letter to the master of Winchester school from the warden
+     of New College, acquaint-ing him that a fellowship or
+     scholarship is become vacant in the college, and requiring
+     him to send forthwith the next senior boy. The speedy-man
+     always performs his journey on foot, and within a given
+     time.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[230]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+               BY LILLYMAN LIONISE.
+          Here rests a poet&mdash;heaven keep him quiet,
+          For when above he lived a life of riot;
+          Enjoy'd his joke, and drank his share of wine&mdash;
+          A mad wag he, one Horace Eglantine.{17}
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      The good old orthodox beverage now began to display its potent effects
+      upon the heads and understandings of the party. All restraint being
+      completely banished by the effect of the liquor, every one indulged in
+      their characteristic eccentricities. Dick Gradus pleaded his utter
+      incapability to sing or produce an impromptu rhyme, but was allowed to
+      substitute a prose epitaph on the renowned school-master of Magdalen
+      parish, Fatty T&mdash;b,{18} who lay snoring under the table. "It shall be
+      read over him in lieu of burial service," said Echo. "Agreed, agreed,"
+      vociferated all the party; and Jemmy
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     17 This whim of tagging rhymes and epitaphs, adopted by
+     Horace Eglantine, is of no mean authority. During the
+     convivial administration of Lord North, when the ministerial
+     dinners were composed of such men as the Lords Sandwich,
+     Weymouth, Thurlow, Richard Rigby, &amp;c, various pleasantries
+     passed current for which the present time would be deemed
+     too refined. Among others, it was the whim of the day to
+     call upon each member, after the cloth was drawn, to tag a
+     rhyme to the name of his left hand neighbour. It was first
+     proposed by Lord Sandwich, to raise a laugh against the
+     facetious Lord North, who happened to sit next to a Mr.
+     Mellagen, a name deemed incapable of a rhyme. Luckily,
+     however, for Lord North, that gentleman had just informed
+     him of an accident that had befallen him near the pump in
+     Pall Mall; when, therefore, it came to his turn, he wrote
+     the following distich:&mdash;
+
+          Oh! pity poor Mr. Mellagen,
+          Who walking along Pall Mall,
+          Hurt his foot when down he fell,
+          And fears he won't get well again.
+
+     18 Fatty T&mdash;&mdash;, better known as the sixpenny schoolmaster:
+     a little fat man, remarkable for his love of good living.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[231]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Jumps,{19} the parish clerk of Saint Peter's, was instantly mounted on a
+      chair, at the head of the defunct schoolmaster, to recite the following
+      whim:&mdash;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+               Epitaph on a Glutton.
+
+          Beneath this table lie the remains of Fatty T***;
+          Who more than performed the duties of
+          An excellent eater, an unparalleled drinker, and
+          A truly admirable sleeper.
+          His stomach was as disinterested
+          As his appetite was good; so that
+          His impartial tooth alike chewed
+          The mutton of the poor,and
+          The turtle of the rich.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     19 James James, alias Jemmy Jumps, alias the Oxford Caleb
+     Quotum, a stay-maker, and parish-clerk of Saint Peter le
+     Bailey&mdash;plays the violin to parties on water excursions,
+     attends public-house balls&mdash;is bellows-blower and factotum
+     at the music-room&mdash;attends as porter to the Philharmonic and
+     Oxford Choral Societies&mdash;is constable of the race-course
+     and race balls&mdash;a bill distributor and a deputy collector of
+     poor rates&mdash;calls his wife his <i>solio</i>. He often amuses his
+     companions at public-houses by reciting comic tales in
+     verse. A woman who had lost a relative desired Jemmy
+     Jumps to get a brick grave built. On digging up a piece
+     of ground which had not been opened for many years, he
+     discovered a very good brick grave, and, to his great joy,
+     also discovered that its occupant had long since mouldered
+     into dust. He cleaned the grave out, procured some reddle
+     and water, brushed the bricks over with it, and informed
+     the person that he had a most excellent <i>second-hand grave
+     to sell as good as  new</i>, and if she thought it would suit
+     her poor departed friend, would let her have it at half the
+     price of a new one: this was too good an offer to be
+     rejected; but Jemmy found, on measuring the coffin, that his
+     second-hand grave was too short, and consequently was
+     obliged to dig the earth away from the end of the grave and
+     beat the bricks in with a beetle, before it would admit its
+     new tenant.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[232]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          He was a zealous opposer of the Aqua-<i>arian</i> heresy,
+          A steady devourer of beef-steaks,
+          A stanch and devout advocate for <i>spiced bishop</i>,
+          A firm friend to Bill Holland's <i>double X</i>, and
+          An active disseminator of the bottle,
+          He was ever uneasy unless employed upon
+          The good things of this world; and
+          The interment of a <i>swiss</i> or lion,
+          Or the dissolution of a pasty,
+          Was his great delight.
+          He died
+          Full of drink and victuals,
+          In the undiminished enjoyment of his digestive faculties,
+          In the forty-fifth year of his appetite.
+          The collegians inscribed this memento,
+          In perpetual remembrance of
+          His <i>pieous</i> knife and fork.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      "Very well for a <i>trencher</i> man," said Horace; "now we must have a
+      recitation from Strasburg.{20} Come, you jolly old teacher of Hebrew,
+      mount the rostrum, and "give us a taste of your quality." "Ay, or by
+      heavens we'll baptize him with a bumper of bishop," said Echo. "For
+      conscience sake, mishter Echo, conshider vat it is you're about; I can no
+      more shpeek in English than I can turn Christian&mdash;I've drank so much
+      of your red port to-day as voud make anoder Red Sea." "Ay, and you shall
+      be drowned in it, you old <i>Sheenie</i>," said Tom, "if you don't give us
+      a speech." "A speech, a speech!" resounded from all
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     {20} Strasburg, an eccentric Jew, who gave lessons in Hebrew
+     to members of the university.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[233]</span>the yet living subjects of the party.
+      "Veil, if I musht, I musht; but I musht do it by shubstitute then; my old
+      friend, Mark Supple here, vill give you the history of Tom Tick." To this
+      Echo assented, on account of the allusions it bore to the Albanians, some
+      of whom were of the party. Old Mark, mounted on the chair at the upper end
+      of the table, proceeded with the tale.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0001" id="Bimage-0001">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page233.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page233 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Blink2H_4_0002" id="Blink2H_4_0002">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE OXFORD RAKE'S PROGRESS.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Tom was a tailor's heir,
+          A dashing blade,
+          Whose sire in trade
+          Enough had made,
+          By cribbage, short skirts, and little capes,
+          Long bills, and items for buckram, tapes,
+          Buttons, twist, and small ware;
+          Which swell a bill out so delightfully,
+          Or perhaps I should say frightfully,
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[234]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          That is, if it related to myself.
+          Suffice it to be told
+          In wealth he roll'd,
+          And being a fellow of some spirit,
+          Set up his coach;
+          To 'scape reproach,
+          He put the tailor on the shelf,
+          And thought to make his boy a man of merit.
+          On old Etona's classic ground,
+          Tom's infant years in circling round
+          Were spent 'mid Greek and Latin;
+          The boy had parts both gay and bright,
+          A merry, mad, facetious sprite,
+          With heart as soft as satin.
+          For sport or spree Tom never lack'd;
+          A <i>con</i>{21} with all, his sock he crack'd
+          With <i>oppidan</i> or gownsman:
+          Could <i>smug</i> a sign, or quiz the <i>dame</i>,
+          Or row, or ride, or poach for game,
+          With <i>cads</i>, or Eton townsmen.
+          Tom's <i>admiral</i> design'd,
+          Most dads are blind
+          To youthful folly,
+          That Tom should be a man of learning,
+          To show his parent's great discerning,
+          A parson rich and jolly.
+          To Oxford Tom in due time went,
+          Upon degree D.D. intent,
+          But more intent on ruin:
+          <i>A Freshman</i>, steering for the <i>Port of Stuff's</i>,{22}
+          Round <i>Isle Matricula</i>, and <i>Isthmus of Grace</i>,
+          Intent on living well and little doing.
+          Here Tom came out a dashing blood,
+          Kept Doll at Woodstock, and a stud
+          For hunting, race, or tandem;
+          Could <i>bag</i> a proctor, <i>floor a raff</i>,
+          Or stifle e'en a <i>hull-dog's gaff</i>,
+          Get <i>bosky</i>, drive at random.
+
+     21 Eton phraseology&mdash;A friend.
+
+     22  Oxford phraseology&mdash;All these terms have been explained
+     in an earlier part of the work.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[235]</span> <a name="Bimage-0002" id="Bimage-0002">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page235.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page235th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page 235" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          But long before the first term ended,
+          Tom was inform'd, unless he mended,
+          He'd better change his college.
+          Which said, the <i>Don</i> was hobbling to the shelf
+          Where college butler keeps his book of <i>Battell</i>;
+          Tom nimbly ran, erased his name himself,
+          To save the scandal of the students' prattle.
+          In Oxford, be it known, there is a place
+          Where all the mad wags in disgrace
+          Retire to improve their knowledge;
+          The town <i>raff</i> call it <i>Botany Bay</i>,
+          Its inmates <i>exiles, convicts</i>, and they say
+          Saint Alban takes the student refugees:
+          Here Tom, to 'scape <i>Point Non plus</i>, took his seat
+          After a <i>waste of ready</i>&mdash;found his feet
+          Safe on the shores of indolence and ease;
+          Here, 'mid choice spirits, in the <i>Isle of Flip</i>,
+          Dad's will, and <i>sapping</i>, valued not young <i>snip</i>;
+          Scapula, Homer, Lexicon, laid by,
+          Join'd the peep-of-day boys in full cry.{23}
+          A saving sire a sad son makes
+          This adage suits most modern rakes,
+
+     23 It was in the actual participation of these bacchanalian
+     orgies, during the latter days of Dr. W&mdash;&mdash;y, the former
+     head of the Hall, when infirmities prevented his exercising
+     the necessary watchful-ness over the buoyant spirits
+     committed to his charge, that my friend Bob Transit and
+     myself were initiated into the mysteries of the Albanians.
+     The accompanying scene, so faithfully delineated by his
+     humorous pencil, will be fresh in the recollection of the
+     <i>choice spirits</i> who mingled in the joyous revelry. To
+     particularise character would be to "betray the secrets of
+     the prison-house," and is besides wholly unnecessary, every
+     figure round the board being a portrait; kindred souls,
+     whose merrie laughter-loving countenances and jovial
+     propensities, will be readily recognised by every son of
+     <i>Alma Mater</i> who was at Oxford during the last days of the
+     <i>beaux esprits</i> of Alban Hall. (<i>See Plate</i>.) In justice to
+     the learned Grecian who now presides, it should be told,
+     that these scenes are altogether suppressed.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[236]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          And Tom above all others.
+          I should have told before, he was an only child,
+          And therefore privileged to be gay and wild,
+          Having no brothers,
+          Whom his example might mislead
+          Into extravagance, or deed
+          Ridiculous and foolish.
+          Three tedious years in Oxford spent,
+          In midnight brawl and merriment,
+          Tom bid adieu to college,
+          To cassock-robe of orthodox,
+          To construe and decline&mdash;the box,
+          Supreme in stable knowledge;
+          To dash on all within the ring,
+          Bet high, play deep, or rioting,
+          At Long's to sport his figure
+          In honour's cause, some small affair
+          Give modern bucks a finish'd air,
+          Tom pull'd the fatal trigger.
+          He kill'd his friend&mdash;but then remark,
+          His friend had kill'd another spark,
+          So 'twas but trick and tie.
+          The cause of quarrel no one knew,
+          Not even Tom,&mdash;away he flew,
+          Till time and forms of law,
+          To fashionable vices blind,
+          Excuses for the guilty find,
+          Call murder a <i>faux pas</i>.
+          The tinsell'd coat next struck his pride,
+          How dashing in the Park to ride
+          A cornet of dragoons;
+          Upon a charger, thorough bred,
+          To show off with a high plumed head,
+          The gaze of Legs and Spoons;
+          To rein him up in all his paces,
+          Then splash the passing trav'lers' faces,
+          And spur and caper by;
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[237]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Get drunk at mess, then sally out
+          To Lisle-street fair, or beat a scout,
+          Or black a waiter's eye.
+          Of all the clubs,&mdash;the Clippers, Screws,
+          The Fly-by-nights, Four Horse, and Blues,
+          The Daffy, Snugs, and Peep-o-day,
+          Tom's an elect; at all the Hells,
+          At Bolton-Row, with tip-top swells,
+          And Tat's men, deep he'd play.
+          His debts oft paid by Snyder's{24} pelf,
+          Who paid at last a debt himself,
+          Which all that live must pay.
+          Tom book'd{25} the old one snug inside,
+          Wore sables, look'd demure and sigh'd
+          Some few short hours away;
+          Till from the funeral return'd,
+          Then Tom with expectation burn'd
+          To hear his father's will:&mdash;
+          "Twice twenty thousand pounds in cash,"&mdash;
+          "That's prime," quoth Tom, "to cut a dash
+          "At races or a mill,"&mdash;
+          "All my leaseholds, house and plate,
+          My pictures and freehold estate,
+          I give my darling heir;
+          Not doubting but, as I in trade
+          By careful means this sum have made,
+          He'll double it with care."&mdash;
+          "Ay, that I will, I'll hit the nick,
+          Seven's the main,&mdash;here Ned and Dick
+          Bring down my blue and buff;
+          Take off the hatband, banish grief,
+          'Tis time to turn o'er a new leaf,
+          Sorrow's but idle stuff."
+          Fame, trumpet-tongued, Tom's wealth reports,
+          His name is blazon'd at the courts
+          Of Carlton and the Fives.
+          His equipage, his greys, his dress,
+          His polish'd self, so like <i>noblesse</i>,
+          "Is ruin's sure perquise."
+
+     24 Flash for tailor.
+
+     25 Screwed up in his coffin.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[238]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Beau Brummell's bow had not the grace,
+          Alvanly stood eclipsed in face,
+          The <i>Roués</i> all were mute,
+          So exquisite, so chaste, unique,
+          The mark for every Leg and Greek,
+          Who play the concave suit.{26}
+          At Almack's, paradise o' the West,
+          Tom's hand by prince and peer is press'd,
+          And fashion cries supreme.
+          His Op'ra box, and little quean,
+          To lounge, to see, and to be seen,
+          Makes life a pleasant dream.
+          Such dreams, alas! are transient light,
+          A glow of brightness and delight,
+          That wakes to years of pain.
+          Tom's round of pleasure soon was o'er,
+          And clam'rous <i>duns</i> assail the door
+          When credit's on the wane.
+          His riches pay his folly's price,
+          And vanish soon a sacrifice,
+          Then friendly comrades fly;
+          His ev'ry foible dragg'd to light,
+          And faults (unheeded) crowd in sight,
+          Asham'd to show his face.
+          Beset by tradesmen, lawyers, <i>bums</i>,{21}
+          He sinks where fashion never comes,
+          A wealthier takes his place.
+          <i>Beat at all points, floor'd, and clean'd out</i>,
+          Tom yet resolv'd to brave it out,
+
+     36 Cards cut in a peculiar manner, to enable the Leg to
+     fleece his Pigeon securely.
+
+     27 "Persons employed by the sheriff to hunt and seize human
+     prey: they are always bound in sureties for the due
+     execution of their office, and thence are called <i>Bound
+     Bailiff's</i>, which the common people have corrupted into a
+     much more homely ex-pression&mdash;<i>to wit, Bum-Bailiffs or
+     Bums</i>."&mdash;l <i>Black Com</i>. 346.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[239]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          If die he must, die game.
+          Some few months o'er, again he strays
+          'Midst scenes of former halcyon days,
+          On other projects bent;
+          No more ambitious of a name,
+          Or mere unprofitable fame,
+          On gain he's now intent,
+          To deal a flush, or cog a die,
+          Or plan a deep confed'racy
+          To pluck a pigeon bare.
+          Elected by the Legs a brother,
+          His plan is to entrap some other
+          In Greeting's fatal snare.
+          Here for a time his arts succeed,
+          But vice like his, it is decreed,
+          Can never triumph long:
+          A noble, who had been his prey,
+          Convey'd the well cogg'd bones away,
+          Exposed them to the throng.
+          Now blown, "his occupation's" o'er,
+          Indictments, actions, on him pour,
+          His ill got wealth must fly;
+          And faster than it came, the law
+          Can fraud's last ill got shilling draw,
+          Tom's pocket soon drain'd dry.
+          Again at sea, a wreck, struck down,
+          By fickle fortune and the town,
+          Without the means to bolt.
+          His days in bed, for fear of Bums,
+          At night among the Legs he comes,
+          Who gibe him for a dolt.
+          He's cut, and comrades, one by one,
+          Avoid him as they would a dun.
+          Here finishes our tale&mdash;
+          Tom Tick, the life, the soul, the whim
+          Of courts and fashion when in trim,
+          Is left&mdash;
+          WAITING FOR BAIL.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[240]</span> <a name="Bimage-0003" id="Bimage-0003">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page240.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page240 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      By the time old Mark Supple had finished his somewhat lengthy tale, the
+      major part of the motley group of eccentrics who surrounded us were
+      terribly cut: the garrulous organ of Jack Milburn was unable to articulate
+      a word; <i>Goose</i> B&mdash;&mdash;l, the gourmand, was crammed full, and
+      looked, as he lay in the arms of Morpheus, like a fat citizen on the night
+      of a lord mayor's dinner&mdash;a lump of inanimate mortality. In one
+      corner lay a poor little Grecian, papa Chrysanthus Demetriades, whom Tom
+      Echo had plied with bishop till he fell off his chair; Count Dennet was
+      safely deposited beside him; and old Will Stewart,{28} the poacher, was
+      just humming himself to sleep with the fag end of an old ballad as he sat
+      upon the ground
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     28 Portraits of the three last-mentioned eccentrics will be
+     found in page 245, sketched from the life.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[241]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      resting his back against the defunct Grecian. A diminutive little cripple,
+      Johnny Holloway, was sleeping between his legs, upon whose head Tom had
+      fixed a wig of immense size, crowned with an opera hat and a fox's tail
+      for a feather. "Now to bury the dead," said Eglantine; "let in the lads,
+      Mark." "Now we shall have a little sport, old fellows," said Echo: "come,
+      Transit, where are your paints and brushes?" In a minute the whole party
+      were most industriously engaged in disfiguring the objects around us by
+      painting their faces, some to resemble tattooing, while others were
+      decorated with black eyes, huge mustachios, and different embellishments,
+      until it would have been impossible for friend or relation to have
+      recognised any one of their visages. This ceremony being completed, old
+      Mark introduced a new collection of worthies, who had been previously
+      instructed for the sport; these were, I found, no other than the
+      well-known Oxford <i>cads</i>, Marston Will, Tom Webb, Harry Bell, and
+      Dick Rymal,{29} all out and outers, as Echo reported, for a spree with the
+      gown, who had been regaled at some neighbouring public house by Eglantine,
+      to be in readiness for the wind-up of his eccentric entertainment; to the
+      pious care of these worthies were consigned the strange-looking mortals
+      who surrounded us. The plan was, I found, to carry them out quietly
+      between two men, deposit them in a cart which they had in waiting, and
+      having taken them to the water-side, place them in a barge and send them
+      drifting down the water in the night to Iffley, where their consternation
+      on recovering the next morning and strange appearance would be sure to
+      create a source of merriment both for the city and university. The
+      instructions were most punctually obeyed, and the amusement the freak
+      afterwards afforded the good people of Oxford will not very
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     29 Well-known sporting cads, who are always ready to do a
+     good turn for the <i>togati</i>, either for sport or spree.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[242]</span>quickly be forgotten. Thus ended the
+      spread&mdash;and now having taken more than my usual quantity of wine, and
+      being withal fatigued by the varied amusements of the evening, I would
+      fain have retired to rest: but this, I found, would be contrary to good
+      fellowship, and not at all in accordance with <i>college principles</i>.
+      "We must have a spree" said Echo, "by way of finish, the rum ones are all
+      shipped off safely by this time&mdash;suppose we introduce Blackmantle to
+      our <i>grandmamma</i>, and the pretty <i>Nuns</i> of St. Clement's."
+      "Soho, my good fellows," said Transit; "we had better defer our visit in
+      that direction until the night is more advanced. The old don{30} of&mdash;&mdash;,
+      remember, celebrates the Paphian mysteries in that quarter occasionally,
+      and we may not always be able to <i>shirk</i> him as effectually as on the
+      other evening, when Echo and myself were snugly enjoying a <i>tête-a-tête</i>
+      with Maria B&mdash;&mdash;and little Agnes S&mdash;&mdash;{31}; we
+      accidentally caught a glimpse of <i>old Morality</i> cautiously toddling
+      after the pious Mrs. A&mdash;ms, <i>vide-licet</i> of arts,{32} a lady who
+      has been regularly matriculated at this university, and taken up her
+      degrees some years since. It was too rich a bit to lose, and although at
+      the risk of discovery, I booked it immediately <i>eo instunti. 'Exegi
+      monumentum aere perennius</i>'&mdash;and here it is."
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     30 We all must reverence dons; and I'm about
+     To talk of dons&mdash;irreverently I doubt.
+     For many a priest, when sombre evening gray
+     Mantles the sky, o'er maudlin bridge will stray&mdash;
+     Forget his oaths, his office, and his fame,
+     And mix in company I will not name.
+
+     <i>Aphrodisiacal Licenses</i>.
+     31 Paphian divinities in high repute at Oxford.
+
+     32 Pretty much in the same sense, probably, in which Moore's
+     gifted leman Fanny is by him designated Mistress of Arts.
+
+     And oh!&mdash;if a fellow like me
+     May confer a diploma of hearts,
+     With my lip thus I seal your degree,
+     My divine little Mistress of Arts.
+
+     For an account of Fan's proficiency in astronomy, ethics,
+     (not the Nicomachean), and eloquence, see Moore's Epistles,
+     vol. ii. p. 155.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[243]</span> <a name="Bimage-0004" id="Bimage-0004">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page243.jpg" width="100%" alt="Pge243 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      "An excellent likeness, i'faith, is it," said Eglantine; whose eyes
+      twinkled like stars amid the wind-driven clouds, and whose half clipped
+      words and unsteady motion sufficiently evinced that he had paid due
+      attention to the old laws of potation. "There's nothing like the <i>cloth</i>
+      for comfort, old fellows; remember what a man of Christ Church wrote to
+      George Colman when he was studying for the law.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'Turn parson, Colman, that's the way to thrive;
+          Your parsons are the happiest men alive.
+          Judges, there are but twelve; and never more,
+          But stalls untold, and Bishops twenty-four.
+          Of pride and claret, sloth and venison full,
+          Yon prelate mark, right reverend and dull!
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[244]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          He ne'er, good man, need pensive vigils keep
+          To preach his audience once a week to sleep;
+          On rich preferment battens at his ease,
+          Nor sweats for tithes, as lawyers toil for fees.'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      If Colman had turned parson he would have had a bishoprick long since, and
+      rivalled that jolly old ancient Walter de Mapes. Then what an honour he
+      would have been to the church; no drowsy epistles spun out in lengthened
+      phrase,
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'Like to the quondam student, named of yore,
+          Who with Aristotle calmly choked a boar;'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      but true orthodox wit: the real light of grace would have fallen from his
+      lips and charmed the crowded aisle; the rich epigrammatic style, the true
+      creed of the churchman; no fear of canting innovations or evangelical
+      sceptics; but all would have proceeded harmoniously, ay, and piously too&mdash;for
+      true piety consists not in purgation of the body, but in purity of mind.
+      Then if we could but have witnessed Colman filling the chair in one of our
+      common rooms, enlivening with his genius, wit, and social conversation the
+      learned <i>dromedaries</i> of the Sanctum, and dispelling the habitual
+      gloom of a College Hospitium, what chance would the sectarians of Wesley,
+      or the infatuated followers even of that arch rhapsodist, Irving, have
+      with the attractive eloquence and sound reasoning of true wit?" "Bravo!
+      bravo!"vociferated the party. "An excellent defence of the church," said
+      Echo, "for which Eglantine deserves to be inducted to a valuable benefice;
+      suppose we adjourn before the college gates are closed, and install him
+      under the Mitre." A proposition that met with a ready acquiescence from
+      all present.{33}
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     33 The genius of wit, mirth, and social enjoyment, can never
+     find more sincere worshippers than an Oxford wine-party
+     seated round the festive board; here the sallies of youth,
+     unchecked by care, the gaiety of hearts made glad with wine
+     and revelry, the brilliant flashes of genius, and the eye
+     beaming with delight, are found in the highest perfection.
+     The merits of the society to which the youthful aspirant for
+     fame and glory happens to belong often afford the embryo
+     poet the theme of his song. Impromptu parodies on old and
+     popular songs often add greatly to the enjoy-ment of the
+     convivial party. The discipline of the university prohibits
+     late hours; and the evenings devoted to enjoyment are not
+     often disgraced by excess.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0005" id="Bimage-0005">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page244.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page244th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page244" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /> <span class="pagenum">[245]</span> <a name="Bimage-0006"
+      id="Bimage-0006">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page245.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page245 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Blink2H_4_0003" id="Blink2H_4_0003">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      TOWN AND GOWN, AN OXFORD ROW.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Battle of the Togati and the Town-Raff&mdash;A Night-Scene in the
+     High-Street, Oxford&mdash;Description of the Combatants&mdash;Attack
+     of the Gunsmen upon the Mitre&mdash;Evolutions of the
+     Assailants&mdash;Manoeuvres of the Proctors and Bull Dogs&mdash;
+     Perilous Condition of Blackmantle and his associates,
+     Eglantine, Echo, and Transit&mdash;Snug Retreat of Lionise&mdash;The
+     High-Street after the Battle&mdash;Origin of the Argotiers, and
+     Invention of Cant-phrases&mdash;History of the Intestine Wars and
+     Civil Broils of Oxford, from the Time of Alfred&mdash;Origin of
+     the late Strife&mdash;Ancient Ballad&mdash;Retreat of the Togati&mdash;
+     Reflections of a Freshman&mdash;Black Matins, or the Effect of
+     late Drinking upon early Risers&mdash;Visit to Golgotha, or the
+     Place of Sculls&mdash;Lecture from the Big-Wigs&mdash;Tom Echo
+     receives Sentence of Rustication.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0007" id="Bimage-0007">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page247.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page247th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page247" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The clocks of Oxford were echoing each other in proclaiming the hour of
+      midnight, when Eglantine led the way by opening the door of his <i>hospitium</i>
+      to descend into the quadrangle of Brazen-nose. "Steady, steady, old
+      fellows," said Horace; "remember the don on the first-floor&mdash;hush,
+      all be silent as the grave till you pass his oak." "Let us <i>row</i> him&mdash;let
+      us fumigate the old fellow," said Echo; "this is the night of
+      purification, lads&mdash;bring some pipes, and a little frankincense,
+      Mark." And in this laudable <span class="pagenum">[247]</span>enterprise
+      of blowing asafoetida smoke through the don's key-hole the whole party
+      were about to be instantly engaged, when an accidental slip of Eglantine's
+      spoiled the joke. While in the act of remonstrating with his jovial
+      companions on the dangerous consequences attending detection, the scholar
+      sustained a fall which left him suddenly deposited against the oak of the
+      crabbed old Master of Arts, who inhabited rooms on the top of the lower
+      staircase; fortunately, the dignitary had on that evening carried home
+      more <i>liquor</i> than <i>learning</i> from the common room, and was at
+      the time of the accident almost as sound asleep as the original founder.
+      "There lies the domini of the feast," said Echo, "knocked down in true
+      orthodox style by the bishop&mdash;follow your leader, boys; and take care
+      of your craniums, or you may chance to get a few phreno-lo-lo-logi-cal
+      bu-lps&mdash;I begin to feel that hard study has somewhat impaired my
+      artic-tic-u-u-la-tion, but then I can always raise a
+      per-pendic-dic-u-u-lar, you see&mdash;always good at mathemat-tics. D&mdash;n
+      Aristotle, and the rest of the saints! say I: you see what comes of being
+      logical." All of which exultation over poor Eglantine's disaster, Echo had
+      the caution to make while steadying himself by keeping fast hold of one of
+      the balustrades on the landing; which that arch wag Transit perceiving,
+      managed to cut nearly through with a knife, and then putting his foot
+      against it sent Tom suddenly oft in a flying leap after his companion, to
+      the uproarious mirth of the whole party. By the time our two friends had
+      recovered their legs, we were all in marching order for the Mitre; working
+      in sinuosities along, for not one of the party could have moved at right
+      angles to any given point, or have counted six street lamps without at
+      least multiplying them to a dozen. In a word, they were ripe for any
+      spree, full of frolic, and bent on mischief; witness the piling a huge
+      load of coals <span class="pagenum">[248]</span>against one man's door,
+      screwing up the oak of another, and <i>milling the glaze</i> of a third,
+      before we quitted the precincts of Brazen-nose, which we did separately,
+      to escape observation from the Cerberus who guarded the portal.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It is in a college wine-party that the true character of your early
+      associates are easily discoverable: out of the excesses of the table very
+      often spring the truest impressions, the first, but indelible affection
+      which links kindred spirits together in after-time, and cements with
+      increasing years into the most inviolable friendship. Here the sallies of
+      youth, unchecked by care, or fettered by restraint, give loose to mirth
+      and revelry; and the brilliancy of genius and the warm-hearted gaiety of
+      pure delight are found in the highest perfection.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The blue light of heaven illumined the magnificent square of Radcliffe,
+      when we passed from beneath the porch of Brazen-nose, and tipping with her
+      silvery light the surrounding architecture, lent additional beauty to the
+      solemn splendour of the scene. Sophisticated as my faculties certainly
+      were by the copious libations and occurrences of the day, I could yet
+      admire with reverential awe the imposing grandeur by which I was
+      surrounded.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A wayward being from my infancy, not the least mark of my eccentricity is
+      the peculiar humour in which I find myself when I have sacrificed too
+      freely to the jolly god: unlike the major part of mankind, my temperament,
+      instead of being invigorated and enlivened by the sparkling juice of the
+      grape, loses its wonted nerve and elasticity; a sombre gloominess pervades
+      the system, the pulse becomes nervous and languid, the spirits flagging
+      and depressed, and the mind full of chimerical apprehensions and <i>ennui</i>.
+      It was in this mood that Eglantine found me ruminating on the noble works
+      before me, while resting against a part of the pile of Radcliffe library,
+      contemplating <span class="pagenum">[249]</span>the elegant crocketed
+      pinnacles of All Souls, the delicately taper spire of St. Mary's, and the
+      clustered enrichments and imperial canopies of masonry, and splendid
+      traceries which every where strike the eye: all of which objects were
+      rendered trebly impressive from the stillness of the night, and the
+      flittering light by which they were illumined. I had enough of wine and
+      frolic, and had hoped to have <i>shirked</i> the party and stolen quietly
+      to my lodgings, there to indulge in my lucubrations on the scene I had
+      witnessed, and note in my journal, according to my usual practice, the
+      more prominent events of the day, when Horace commenced with&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Where the devil, old fellow, have you been hiding yourself? I've been
+      hunting you some time. A little <i>cut</i>, I suppose: never mind, my boy,
+      you'll be better presently. Here's glorious sport on foot; don't you hear
+      the war-cry?" At this moment a buzz of distant voices broke upon the ear
+      like the mingled shouts of an election tumult. "There they are, old
+      fellow: come, buckle on your armour&mdash;we must try your mettle
+      to-night. All the university are out&mdash;a glorious row&mdash;come
+      along, no shirking&mdash;-the <i>togati</i> against the town raff&mdash;remember
+      the sacred cause, my boy." And in this way, spite of all remonstrance, was
+      I dragged through the lane and enlisted with the rest of my companions
+      into a corps of university men who were just forming themselves in the
+      High-street to repel the daring attack of the very scum of the city, who
+      had ill-treated and beaten some gownsmen in the neighbourhood of St.
+      Thomas's, and had the temerity to follow and assail them in their retreat
+      to the High-street with every description of villanous epithet, and still
+      more offensive and destructive missiles. "Stand fast there, old fellows,"
+      said Echo; who, although <i>devilishly cut</i>, seemed to be the leader of
+      the division. "Where's old Mark Supple?" "Here I am sir, <i>take notice</i>"
+      said the old scout, who appeared as active as <span class="pagenum">[250]</span>an
+      American rifleman. "Will Peake send us the bludgeons?" "He won't open his
+      doors, sir, for anybody, <i>take notice</i>." "Then down with the Mitre,
+      my hearties;" and instantly a rope was thrown across the <i>bishop's cap</i>
+      by old Mark, and the tin sign, lamp, and all came tumbling into the
+      street, smashed into a thousand pieces.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      PEAKE (looking out of an upper window in his night-cap). Doey be quiet,
+      and go along, for God's zake, gentlemen! I shall be <i>ruinated and
+      discommoned</i> if I open my door to any body.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      TOM ECHO. You infernal old fox-hunter! if you don't doff your knowledge
+      bag and come to the door, we'll mill all your glaze, burst open your
+      gates, and hamstring all your horses.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MRS. PEAKE (in her night-gown). Stand out of the way, Peake; let me speak
+      to the gentlemen. Gentlemen, doey, gentlemen, consider my reputation, and
+      the reputation of ray house. O dear, gentlemen, doey go somewhere else&mdash;we've
+      no sticks here, I azzure ye, and we're all in bed. Doey go, gentlemen,
+      pray do.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      TRANSIT. Dame Peake, if you don't open your doors directly, we'll break
+      them open, and unkennel that old bagg'd fox, your husband, and drink all
+      the black strap in your cellar, and&mdash;and play the devil with the
+      maids.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MRS. PEAKE. Don'te say so, don'te say so, Mr. Transit; I know you to be a
+      quiet, peaceable gentleman, and I am zure you will befriend me: doey
+      persuade 'em to go away, pray do,
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[251]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MARK SUPPLE. Dame Peake
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MRS. PEAKE. Oh, Mr. Mark Supple, are you there I talk to the gentlemen,
+      Mr. Mark, pray do.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MARK SUPPLE. It's no use, dame Peake; they won't be gammon'd, take notice.
+      If you have any old broom-handles, throw 'em out directly, and if not,
+      throw all the brooms you have in the house out of window&mdash;throw out
+      all your sticks&mdash;throw Peake out. I'm for the gown, <i>take notice</i>.
+      Down with the town! down with the town!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      BILL MAGS. (The waiter, at a lower window.) Hist, hist, Mr. Echo; Mr.
+      Eglantine, hist, hist; master's gone to the back of the house with all the
+      sticks he can muster; and here's an old kitchen-chair you can break up and
+      make bludgeons of (throwing the chair out of window), and here's the
+      cook's rolling-pin, and I'll go and forage for more ammunition.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      HORACE EGLANTINE. You're a right good fellow, Bill; and I'll pay you
+      before I do your master; and the Brazen-nose men shall make your fortune.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      TOM ECHO. But where's the academicals I sent old Captain Cook for 1 We
+      shall be beating one another in the dark without caps and gowns.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      CAPTAIN COOK. (A scout of Christ Church.) Here I be, zur. That old rogue,
+      Dick Shirley, refuses to send any gowns; he says he has nothing but
+      noblemen's gowns and gold tufts in his house.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[252]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      THE HON. LILLYMAN LIONISE. By the honour of my ancestry, that fellow shall
+      never draw another stitch for Christ Church as long as he lives. Come
+      along, captain: by the honour of my ancestry, we'll uncase the old <i>snyder</i>;
+      we'll have gowns, I warrant me, noble or not noble, gold tufts or no
+      tufts. Come along, Cook.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In a few moments old Captain Cook and the exquisite returned loaded with
+      gowns and caps, having got in at the window and completely cleared the
+      tailor's shop of all his academicals, in spite of his threats or
+      remonstrances. In the interim, old Mark Supple and Echo had succeeded in
+      obtaining a supply of broom-handles and other weapons of defence; when the
+      insignia of the university, the toga and cap, were soon distributed
+      indiscriminately: the numbers of the university men increased every
+      moment; and the yell of the town raff seemed to gain strength with every
+      step as they approached the scene of action. Gown! gown! Town! town! were
+      the only sounds heard in every direction; and the clamour and the tumult
+      of voices were enough to shake the city with dismay. The authorities were
+      by no means idle; but neither proctors or pro's, or marshal, or bull-dogs,
+      or even deans, dons, and dignitaries, for such there were, who strained
+      their every effort to quell the disturbance, were at all attended to, and
+      many who came as peace-makers were compelled in their own defence to take
+      an active part in the fray.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      From the bottom of the High-street to the end of the corn-market, and
+      across again through St. Aldate's to the old bridge, every where the more
+      peaceable and respectable citizens might be seen popping their noddles out
+      of window, and rubbing their half-closed eyes with affright, to learn the
+      cause of the alarming strife.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[253]</span>Of the strong band of university men who
+      rushed on eager for the coming fray, a number of them were fresh
+      light-hearted Etonians and old Westminsters, who having just arrived to
+      place themselves under the sacred banners of Academus, thought their
+      honour and their courage both concerned in defending the <i>togati</i>:
+      most of these youthful zealots had as usual, at the beginning of a term,
+      been lodged in the different inns and houses of the city, and from having
+      drank somewhat freely of the welcome cup with old schoolfellows and new
+      friends, were just ripe for mischief, unheedful of the consequences or the
+      cause.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      On the other hand, the original fomenters of the strife had recruited
+      their forces with herds of the lowest rabble gathered from the purlieus of
+      their patron saints, St. Clement and St. Thomas, and the shores of the
+      Charwell,&mdash;the bargees, and butchers, and labourers, and scum of the
+      suburbians: a huge conglomerated mass of thick sculls, and broad backs,
+      and strengthy arms, and sturdy legs, and throats bawling for revenge, and
+      hearts bursting with wrathful ire, rendered still more frantic and
+      desperate by the magic influence of their accustomed war-whoop. These
+      formed the base barbarian race of Oxford truands,{1} including every vile
+      thing that passes under the generic name of raff. From college to college
+      the mania spread with the rapidity of an epidemic wind; and scholars,
+      students, and fellows were every where in motion: here a stout bachelor of
+      arts might be seen knocking down the ancient Cerberus who opposed his
+      passage; there the iron-bound college gates were forced open by the united
+      power of the youthful inmates. In another quarter might be seen the heir
+      of some noble family risking his neck in the headlong leap {2}; and near
+      him, a party of the <i>togati</i> scaling the sacred battlements with as
+      much energetic zeal as the ancient crusaders would have displayed against
+      the ferocious Saracens.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 The French <i>truands</i> were beggars, who under the pretence
+     of asking alms committed the most atrocious crimes and
+     excesses.
+
+     2 It was on one of these occasions that the celebrated
+     Charles James Fox made that illustrious leap from the window
+     of Hertford College.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[254]</span>Scouts flying in every direction to
+      procure caps and gowns, and scholars dropping from towers and windows by
+      bell-ropes and <i>sheet-ladders</i>; every countenance exhibiting as much
+      ardour and frenzied zeal, as if the consuming elements of earth and fire
+      threatened the demolition of the sacred city of Rhedycina.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It was on the spot where once stood the ancient conduit of Carfax, flanked
+      on the one side by the venerable church of St. Martin and the colonnade of
+      the old butter-market, and on the other by the town-hall, from the central
+      point of which terminate, south, west, and north, St. Aldate's, the
+      butcher-row, and the corn-market, that the scene exhibited its more
+      substantial character. It was here the assailants first caught sight of
+      each other; and the yell, and noise, and deafening shouts became terrific.
+      In a moment all was fury and confusion: in the onset the gown, confident
+      and daring, had evidently the advantage, and the retiring raff fell back
+      in dismay; while the advancing and victorious party laid about them with
+      their quarter-staves, and knuckles drawing blood, or teeth, or cracking
+      crowns at every blow, until they had driven them back to the end of the
+      corn-market. It was now that the strong arm and still stronger science of
+      the sturdy bachelors of Brazen-nose, and the square-built, athletic sons
+      of Cambria, the Jones's of Jesus, proved themselves of sterling mettle,
+      and bore the brunt of the battle with unexampled courage: at this instant
+      a second reinforcement arriving from the canals and wharfs on the banks of
+      the Isis, having forced their way by George-lane, brought timely
+      assistance to the town raff, and enabled them again to rally and present
+      so formidable an appearance, <span class="pagenum">[255]</span>that the <i>togati</i>
+      deemed it prudent to retreat upon their reserve, who were every moment
+      accumulating in immense numbers in the High-street: to this spot the
+      townsmen, exulting in their trifling advantage, had the temerity to follow
+      and renew the conflict, and here they sustained the most signal defeat:
+      for the men of Christ Church, and Pembroke, and St. Mary's Hall, and
+      Oriel, and Corpus Christi, had united their forces in the rear; while the
+      front of the gown had fallen back upon the effective Trinitarians, and
+      Albanians, and Wadhamites, and men of Magdalen, who had by this time
+      roused them from their monastic towers and cells to fight the holy war,
+      and defend their classic brotherhood: nor was this all the advantages the
+      gown had to boast of, for the <i>scouts</i>, ever true to their masters,
+      had summoned the lads of the fancy, and Marston Will, and Harry Bell, and
+      a host of out and outers, came up to the scratch, and floored many a <i>youkel</i>
+      with their <i>bunch of fives</i>. It was at this period that the conflict
+      assumed its most appalling feature, for the townsmen were completely
+      hemmed into the centre, and fought with determined courage, presenting a
+      hollow square, two fronts of which were fully engaged with the infuriated
+      gown. Long and fearful was the struggle for mastery, and many and vain the
+      attempts of the townsmen to retreat, until the old Oxford night coach, in
+      its way up the High-street to the Star Inn in the corn-market, was
+      compelled to force its passage through the conflicting parties; when the
+      bull-dogs and the constables, headed by marshal Holliday and old Jack
+      Smith, united their forces, and following the vehicle, opened a passage
+      into the very centre of the battle, where they had for some time to
+      sustain the perilous attacks of oaths, and blows, and kicks from both
+      parties, until having fairly wedged themselves between the combatants,
+      they succeeded by threats and entreaties, and seizing a few of the
+      ringleaders on <span class="pagenum">[256]</span>both sides, to cause a
+      dispersion, and restore by degrees the peace of the city.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It was, however, some hours before the struggle had completely subsided, a
+      running fight being kept up by the various straggling parties in their
+      retreat; and at intervals the fearful cry of Town and Gown would resound
+      from some plebeian alley or murky lane as an unfortunate wight of the
+      adverse faction was discovered stealing homewards, covered with mud and
+      scars. Of my college friends and merry companions in the fray, Tom Echo
+      alone remained visible, and he had (in his own phraseology) <i>dropped his
+      sash</i>: according to Hudibras, he looked
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "As men of inward light are wont
+          To turn their opticks in upon't;"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      or, in plain English, had an <i>invisible</i> eye. The "<i>disjecta
+      fragmenta</i>" of his academical robe presented a most pitiful appearance;
+      it was of the ragged sort, like the <i>mendicula impluviata</i> of
+      Plautus, and his under habiliments bore evident marks of his having bitten
+      the dust (i.e. mud) beneath the ponderous arm of some heroic blacksmith or
+      bargee; but yet he was lively, and what with blows and exertion, perfectly
+      sobered. "What, Blackmantle? and alive, old fellow? Well clone, my hearty;
+      I saw you set to with that fresh water devil from Charwell, the old
+      Bargee, and a pretty milling you gave him. I had intended to have seconded
+      you, but just as I was making up, a son of Vulcan let fly his
+      sledge-hammer slap at my <i>smeller</i>, and stopped up one of my <i>oculars</i>,
+      so I was obliged to turn to and finish him off; and when I had completed
+      the job, you had bolted; not, however, without leaving your marks behind
+      you. But where's Eglantine? where's Transit? where's the Honourable? By my
+      soul the <i>roué</i> can handle his <i>mauleys</i> well; I saw him floor
+      one of the raff in very prime style. But come along, my hearty; we must
+      walk over the <span class="pagenum">[257]</span>field of battle and look
+      after the wounded: I am desperately afraid that Eglantine is <i>booked
+      inside</i>&mdash;saw him surrounded by the <i>bull-dogs</i>&mdash;made a
+      desperate effort to rescue him&mdash;and had some difficulty to clear
+      myself; but never mind, ''tis the fortune of war,' and there's very good
+      lodging in the castle. Surely there's Mark Supple with some one on his
+      back. What, Mark, is that you?" "No, sir&mdash;yes, sir&mdash;I mean, sir,
+      it's a gentleman of our college&mdash;O dearey me, I thought it had been a
+      proctor or a bull-dog&mdash;for Heaven's sake, help, sir! here's Mr.
+      Transit quite senseless, <i>take notice</i>&mdash;picked him up in a
+      doorway in Lincoln-lane, bleeding like a pig, <i>take notice</i>.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      O dear, O dear, what a night this has been! We shall all be sent to the
+      castle, and perhaps transported for manslaughter. For Heaven's sake, Mr.
+      Echo, help! bear his head up&mdash;take hold of his feet, Mr. Blackmantle,
+      and I'll go before, and ring at Dr. Tuckwell's bell, <i>take notice</i>."
+      In this way poor Transit was conveyed to the surgery, where, after
+      cleansing him from the blood and dirt, and the application of some
+      aromatics, he soon recovered, and happily had not sustained any very
+      serious injury. From old Mark we learned that Eglantine was a captive to
+      the bull-dogs, and safely deposited in the castle along with Marston Will,
+      who had fought nobly in his defence: of Lionise we could gain no other
+      tidings than that Mark had seen him at the end of the fray climbing up to
+      the first floor window of a tradesman's house in the High-street, whose
+      daughter it was well known he had a little intrigue with, and where, as we
+      concluded, he had found a balsam for his wounds, and shelter for the
+      night. It was nearly three o'clock when I regained my lodging and found
+      Mags, the waiter of the Mitre, on the look-out for me: Echo had
+      accompanied me home, and in our way we had picked up a wounded man of
+      University College, who had suffered severely in the contest. It was
+      worthy <span class="pagenum">[258]</span>the pencil of a Hogarth to have
+      depicted the appearance of the High-street after the contest, when we were
+      cautiously perambulating from end to end in search of absent friends, and
+      fearing at every step the approach of the proctors or their bull-dogs: the
+      lamps were almost all smashed, and the burners dangling to and fro with
+      the wind, the greater part extinguished, or just emitting sufficient light
+      to make night horrible. On the lamp-irons might be seen what at first
+      sight was most appalling, the figure of some hero of the <i>togati</i>
+      dangling by the neck, but which, on nearer approach, proved to be only the
+      dismembered academical of some gentleman-commoner hung up as a trophy by
+      the town raff. Broken windows and shutters torn from their hinges, and
+      missiles of every description covering the ground, from the terrific
+      Scotch paving-pebble torn up from the roads, to the spokes of
+      coach-wheels, and the oaken batons, and fragments of lanterns belonging to
+      the town watch, skirts of coats, and caps, and remnants of <i>togas</i>
+      both silken and worsted, bespoke the quality of the heroes of the fray;
+      while here and there a poor terrified wretch was exposing his addle head
+      to the mildews of the night-damp, fearing a revival of the contest, or
+      anxiously watching the return of husband, brother, father, or son.{3}
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     3 This picture of an Oxford row is not, as the general
+     reader might imagine, the mere fiction of the novelist, but
+     the true description of a contest which occurred some few
+     years since; the leading features of which will be (although
+     the names have been, except in one or two instances,
+     studiously suppressed) easily recognised by many of the
+     present sons of Alma Mater who shared in the perils and
+     glory of the battle. To those who are strangers to the
+     sacred city, and these casual effervescences of juvenile
+     spirit, the admirable graphic view of the scene by my friend
+     Bob Transit (see plate) will convey a very correct idea.
+
+     To the credit of the more respectable and wealthy class of
+     Oxford citizens it should be told, they are now too sensible
+     of their own interest, and, besides, too well-informed to
+     mix with these civil disturbances; the lower orders,
+     therefore, finding themselves unequal to the contest without
+     their support, submit to the <i>togati</i>; and thus the civil
+     wars that have raged in Oxford with very little interruption
+     from the days of Alfred seem for the present extinguished.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[259]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      On our arrival at the Mitre, poor Mrs. Peake, half frightened to death,
+      was up and busy in administering to the sufferers various consolatory
+      draughts composed of bishop, and flesh and blood{4} and <i>rumbooze</i>;
+      while the chambermaids, and Peake, and the waiters were flying about the
+      house with warm water, and basins, and towels, to the relief of the
+      numerous applicants, who all seemed anxious to wash away the dirty
+      remembrances of the disgusting scene.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Hitherto I had been so busily engaged in defending myself and preserving
+      my friends, that I had not a moment for reflection. It has been well
+      observed, that "place an Englishman in the field of battle, no matter what
+      his political feelings, he will fight like a lion, by instinct, or the
+      mere force of example;" so with the narrator of this contest. I had not,
+      up to this time, the least knowledge of the original cause of the row. I
+      have naturally an aversion to pugilistic contests and tumultuous sports,
+      and yet I found by certain bruises, and bumps, and stains of blood, and
+      stiffness of joints, and exhaustion, and the loss of my upper garment,
+      which I had then only just discovered, that I must have borne a <i>pretty
+      considerable</i>{5} part in the contest, and carried away no small share
+      of victorious laurels, since I had escaped without any very visible
+      demonstration of my adversaries' prowess; but for this I must acknowledge
+      myself indebted to my late private tutor the Eton cad, Joe Cannon, whose
+      fancy lectures on noseology, and the science of the milling system, had
+      enabled me to
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     4 Brandy and port wine, half and half.
+
+     5  An Oxford phrase.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[260]</span>defend my bread-basket, cover up my
+      peepers, and keep my nob out of chancery{6}: a merit that all
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     6 The use of a peculiar cant phraseology for different
+     classes, it would appear, originated with the Argoliers, a
+     species of French beggars or monkish impostors, who were
+     notorious for every thing that was bad and infamous: these
+     people assumed the form of a regular government, elected a
+     king, established a fixed code of laws, and invented a
+     language peculiar to themselves, constructed probably by
+     some of the debauched and licentious youths, who, abandoning
+     their scholastic studies, associated with these vagabonds.
+     In the poetical life of the French robber Cartouche, a
+     humorous account is given of the origin of the word <i>Argot</i>;
+     and the same author has also compiled a dictionary of the
+     language then in use by these people, which is annexed to
+     the work. Hannan, in his very singular work, published in
+     1566, entitled "A Caveat, or Warning for Common Cursitors
+     (runners), vulgarly called Vagabones," has described a
+     number of the words then in use, among what he humorously
+     calls the "lued lousey language of these lewtering beskes
+     and lasy lovrels." And it will be remembered that at that
+     time many of the students of our universities were among
+     these cursitors, as we find by an old statute of the xxii of
+     Hen. VIII.; "that scholars at the universities begging
+     without licence, were to be punished like common cursi-
+     tors." The vagabonds of Spain are equally celebrated for
+     their use of a peculiar slang or cant, as will be seen on
+     reference to a very curious work of Rafael Frianoro,
+     entitled" <i>Il Vagabondo, overo sferzo de bianti e
+     Vagabondi</i>." <i>Viterbo</i>, 1620, 12mo. As also in those
+     excellent novels, "Lazarillo do Tormes," and "Guzman de
+     Alfarache." The <i>Romany</i> or gipsies' dialect is given with
+     the history of that singular people by Mr. Grellman; an
+     English translation of which was published in 1787, by
+     Roper, in quarto: from those works, Grose principally
+     compiled his "Lexicon Ballatronicum." In the present day we
+     have many professors of slang, and in more ways than one,
+     too many of cant; the greater part of whom are dull
+     impostors, who rather invent strange terms to astonish the
+     vulgar than adhere to the peculiar phrases of the persons
+     they attempt to describe. It has long been matter of regret
+     with the better order of English sporting men, that the
+     pugilistic contests and turf events of the day are not
+     written in plain English, "which all those who run might
+     read," instead of being rendered almost unintelligible by
+     being narrated in the language of beggars, thieves, and
+     pickpockets&mdash;a jargon as free from true wit as it is full of
+     obscenity.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[261]</span>Keate's{7} learning would not have
+      compensated for under the peculiar circumstances in which I was placed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It was now that the mischief was done, and many a sound head was cracked,
+      and many a courageous heart was smarting 'neath their wounds in the gloomy
+      dungeons of the castle, or waiting in their rooms the probing instrument
+      and plasters of Messrs. Wall, or Kidd, or Bourne, that a few of us, who
+      had escaped tolerably well, and were seated round a bowl of bishop in the
+      snug <i>sanctum sanctorum</i> of the Mitre, began to inquire of each other
+      the origin of the fray. After a variety of conjectures and vague reports,
+      each at variance with the other, and evidently deficient in the most
+      remote connexion with the true cause of the strife, it was agreed to
+      submit the question to the waiter, as a neutral observer, who assured us
+      that the whole affair arose out of a trifling circumstance, originating
+      with some mischievous boys, who, having watched two gownsmen into a
+      cyprian temple in the neighbourhood of Saint Thomas, circulated a false
+      report that they had carried thither the wives of two respectable
+      mechanics. Without taking the trouble to inquire into the truth or
+      falsehood of the accusation, the door was immediately beset; the old cry
+      of Town and Gown vociferated in every direction; and the unfortunate
+      wights compelled to seek their safety by an ignominious flight through a
+      back door and over the meadows. The tumult once raised, it was not to be
+      appeased without some victim, and for this purpose they thought proper to
+      attack a party of the <i>togati</i>, who were returning home from a little
+      private sport with a well-known fancy lecturer: the opportunity was a good
+      one to show-off, a regular fight commenced, and the raff were floored in
+      every direction, until their numbers increasing beyond all
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     7 The highly respected and learned head-master of Eton
+     College.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[262]</span> comparison, the university men were
+      compelled to raise the cry of Gown, and fly for succour and defence to the
+      High-street: in this way had a few mischievous boys contrived to embroil
+      the town and university in one of the most severe intestine struggles ever
+      remembered.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0008" id="Bimage-0008">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page262.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page262 " />
+    </div>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     <i>A true chronicle of ye bloodie fighte betweene the Clerkes
+     of and Scholairs of Oxenforde, and the Townsmen of the
+     Citie, who were crowdinge rounde the Easterne Gaite to see
+     the Kinge enter in his progresse wostwarde.</i>
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[263]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Sir Gierke of Oxenforde, prepare Your robis riche, and noble cheere. Ye
+      kinge with alle his courtlie trane Is spurring on your plaice to gane. And
+      heere ye trumpet's merrie note, His neare approache proclaims, I wote; Ye
+      doctors, proctors, scholairs, go, And fore youre sovereigne bend ye lowe.
+      Now comes the kinge in grande arraie; And the scholairs presse alonge the
+      waye, Till ye Easterne gaite was thronged so rounde, That passage coulde
+      no where be founde. Then the sheriffe's men their upraised speares Did
+      plye about the people's eares. And woe the day; the rabble route Their
+      speares did breake like glasse aboute. Then the doctors, proctors, for the
+      kinge, Most lustilie for roome did singe; But thoughe theye bawled out
+      amaine, No passage throughe the crowde coulde gane. Ye Northern gownsmen,
+      a bold race, Now swore they'd quicklie free the plaice; With stalwart
+      gripe, and beadle's staffe Theye clefte the townsmen's sculls in half.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[264]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And now the wrathful rabble rave, And quick returne withe club and stave;
+      And heades righte learn'd in classic lore Felt as they'd never felt
+      before. Now fierce and bloody growes the fraye: In vaine the mayore and
+      sheriffe praye For peace&mdash;to cool the townsmens' ire, Intreatie but
+      impelles the fire. Downe with the Towne! the scholairs cry; Downe with the
+      Gowne! the towne reply. Loud rattle the caps of the clerkes in aire, And
+      the citizens many a sortie beare; And many a churchman fought his waye,
+      Like a heroe in the bloodie fraye. And one right portlie father slewe Of
+      rabble townsmen not a fewe. And now 'mid the battle's strife and din There
+      came to the Easterne gate, The heralde of our lorde the kinge, With his
+      merrie men all in state. "God help us!" quoth the courtlie childe, "What
+      means this noise within? With joye the people have run wilde." And so he
+      peeped him in, And throughe the wicker-gate he spied, And marvelled much
+      thereat, The streets withe crimson current dyed, And Towne and Gowne laide
+      flat. Then he called his merrie men aloud, To bringe him a ladder
+      straighte; The trumpet sounds&mdash;the warlike crowde In a moment forget
+      theire hate. Up rise the wounded, down theire arms Both Towne and Gowne do
+      lie; The kinge's approache ye people charmes, And alle looke merrilie. For
+      howe'er Towne and Gowne may fighte, Yet bothe are true to ye kinge. So on
+      bothe may learning and honour lighte, Let all men gailie singe.{1}
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[265]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 The above imitation of the style of the ancient ballad is
+     founded on traditional circumstances said to have occurred
+     when the pacific king James visited Oxford.&mdash;<i>Bernard
+     Blackmantle</i>.
+
+     <i>Intestine broils and civil wars of Oxford</i>.&mdash;Anthony Wood,
+     the faithful historian of Oxford, gives an account of a
+     quarrel between the partisans of St. Guinbald and the
+     residents of Oxford, in the days of Alfred, on his
+     refounding the university, A.D. 886. After his death the
+     continual inroads of the Danes kept the Oxonians in
+     perpetual alarm, and in the year 979 they destroyed the town
+     by fire, and repeated their outrage upon the new built town
+     in 1002. Seven years after, Swein, the Danish leader, was
+     repulsed by the inhabitants in a similar attempt, who took
+     vengeance on their im-placable enemy by a general massacre
+     on the feast of St. Brice. In the civil commotions under the
+     Saxon prince, Oxford had again its full share of the evils
+     of war. After the death of Harold, William the Conqueror was
+     bravely opposed by the citizens in his attempt to enter
+     Oxford, which effecting by force, he was so much exas-
+     perated at their attachment to Harold, that he bestowed the
+     government of the town on Robert de Oilgo, a Norman, with
+     permission to build a castle to keep his Oxford subjects in
+     awe. The disturbances during the reign of Stephen and his
+     successor were frequent, and in the reign of John, A. D.
+     1209, an unfortunate occurrence threatened the entire
+     destruction of Oxford as a seat of learning. A student,
+     engaged in thoughtless diversion, killed a woman, and fled
+     from justice. A band of citizens, with the mayor at their
+     head, surrounded the hall to which he belonged, and demanded
+     the offender; on being informed of his absence, the lawless
+     multitude seized three of the students, who were entirely
+     unconnected with the transaction, and ob-tained an order
+     from the weak king (whose dislike to the clergy is known),
+     to put the innocent persons to death&mdash;an order which was but
+     too promptly obeyed. The scholars, justly en-raged by this
+     treatment, quitted Oxford, some to Cambridge and Reading,
+     and others to Maidstone, in Kent. The offended students also
+     applied to the Pope, who laid the city under an interdict
+     and discharged all professors from teaching in it. This step
+     completely humbled the citizens, who sent a deputation of
+     the most respectable to wait on the Pope's legate (then at
+     Westminster) to acknowledge their rashness and request
+     mercy; the legate (Nicholas, Bishop of Tusculum, ) granted
+     their petition only on the most humiliating terms. The mayor
+     and corporation were en-joined, by way of penance, to
+     proceed annually, on the day dedicated to St. Nicholas, to
+     all the parish churches bare-headed, with hempen halters
+     round their necks, and whips in their hands, on their bare
+     feet, and in their' shirts, and there pray the benefit of
+     absolution from the priests, repeating the penitential
+     psalms, and to pay a mark of silver per annum to the
+     students of the hall peculiarly injured; in addition to
+     which they were, on the recurrence of the same day, to
+     entertain one hundred poor scholars "<i>honestis
+     refectionibus</i>," the abbot of Evesham yearly paying sixteen
+     shillings towards the festival expense A part of this
+     ceremony, but without the degrading marks of it, is
+     continued to this day. Henry III. occasionally resided at
+     Oxford, and held there many parliaments and councils: in the
+     reign of this king the university flourished to an
+     unexampled degree, the number of students being estimated at
+     fifteen thousand. Its popularity was about this time also
+     greatly increased from the circumstance of not less than one
+     thousand students quitting the learned institutions of
+     Paris, and repairing to Oxford for instruction; but these
+     foreigners introduced so dangerous a levity of manners, that
+     the Pope deemed it necessary to send his legate for the
+     purpose of reforming " certain flagrant corruptions of the
+     place." The legate was at first treated with much affected
+     civility, but an occasion for quarrel being soon found, he
+     would, in all probability, have been sacrificed upon the
+     spot, had he not hidden himself in a belfry from the fury of
+     the assailants. This tumult was, by the exercise of some
+     strong measures, speedily appeased; but the number of
+     students was at this period infinitely too great to preserve
+     due subordination. They divided themselves into parties,
+     among which the north and south countrymen were the most
+     violent, and their quarrels harassing and perpetual.
+     According to the rude temper of the age, these disputes were
+     not settled by argument, but by dint of blows; and the peace
+     of the city was in this way so often endangered, that the
+     king thought it expedient to add to the civil power two
+     aldermen and eight burgesses assistant, together with two
+     bailiffs. From petty and intestine broils, the students
+     appear to have acquired a disposition for political inter-
+     ference. When Prince Edward, returning from Paris, marched
+     with an army towards Wales, coming to Oxford he was by the
+     burghers refused admittance, "on occasion of the tumults now
+     prevailing among the barons:" he quartered his soldiers in
+     the adjacent villages, and "lodged himself that night in the
+     royal palace of Magdalen," the next morning proceeding on
+     his intended journey; but the scholars, who were shut in the
+     town, being desirous to salute a prince whom they loved so
+     much, first assembled round <i>Smith-gate</i>, and demanded to be
+     let into the fields, which being refused by one of the
+     bailiffs, they returned to their hostels for arms and broke
+     open the gate, whereupon the mayor arrested many of them,
+     and, on the chancellor's request, was so far from releasing
+     them that he ordered the citizens to bring out their banners
+     and display them in the midst of the street; and then
+     embattling them, commanded a sudden onset on the rest of the
+     scholars remaining in the town; and much blood-shed had been
+     committed had not a scholar, by the sound of the school-bell
+     in Saint Mary's church, given notice of the danger that
+     threatened the students, then at dinner. On this alarm they
+     straightways armed and went out, and in a tremendous
+     conflict subdued and put the townsmen to flight. In
+     consequence of this tumult, the king required the scholars
+     to retire from the city during the time of holding his
+     parliament; the chief part of the students accordingly
+     repaired to Northampton, where, shortly after the insurgent
+     barons had fortified themselves, on the king's laying siege
+     to the place, the scholars, offended by their late removal,
+     joined with the nobility, and repaired to arms under their
+     own standard, behaving in the fight with conspicuous
+     gallantry, and greatly increasing the wrath of the king;
+     who, however, on the place being subdued, was restrained
+     from pur-suing them to extremities, from prudential motives.
+     As the kingdom became more settled, the disturbances were
+     less frequent, and within the last century assumed the
+     character of sportive rows rather than malicious feuds. On a
+     recent lamentable occasion (now happily forgotten) the
+     political feelings of the Gown and Town in some measure
+     revived the spirit of the "olden time;" but since then Peace
+     has waved her olive-branch over the city of Oxford, and
+     perfect harmony, let us hope, will exist between Town and
+     Gown for evermore.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[266]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The veil of night was more than half drawn, ere the youthful inmates of
+      the Mitre retired to rest; and many of the party were compelled to put up
+      with sorry accommodation, such was the influx of <span class="pagenum">[267]</span>gownsmen
+      who, shut out of lodging and college, had sought this refuge to wait the
+      approaching morn;&mdash;a morn big with the fate of many a scholastic woe&mdash;of
+      lectures and reprovals from tutors, and fines and impositions and
+      denunciations from principals, of proctorial reports to the
+      vice-chancellor, and examinations before the <i>big wigs</i>, and
+      sentences of expulsion <span class="pagenum">[268]</span>and rustication:
+      coming evils which, by anticipation, kept many a man awake upon his
+      pillow, spite of the perilous fatigue which weighed so heavy upon the
+      exhausted frame. The freshman had little to fear: he could plead his
+      ignorance of college rules, or escape notice altogether, from not having
+      yet domiciled within the walls of a college. Although I had little to
+      expect from the apprehension of any of these troubles, as my person was,
+      from my short residence, most likely unknown to any of the authorities&mdash;yet
+      did Morpheus refuse his soporific balsam to the mind&mdash;I could not
+      help thinking of my young and giddy companions, of the kind-hearted
+      Eglantine, immured within the walls of a dungeon; of the noble-spirited
+      Echo, maltreated and disfigured by the temporary loss of an eye; of the
+      facetious Bob Transit, so bruised and exhausted, that a long illness might
+      be expected; and, lastly, of our Eton sextile, the incomparable exquisite
+      Lionise, who, if discovered in his dangerous frolic, would, perhaps, have
+      to leap out of a first floor window at the risk of his neck, sustain an
+      action for damages, and his expulsion from college at the same time.
+      Little Dick Gradus, with his usual cunning, had shirked us at the
+      commencement of hostilities; and the Honourable Mr. Sparkle had been
+      carried home to his lodging, early in the fray, more overcome by hard
+      drinking than hard fighting, and there safely put to bed by the
+      indefatigable Mark Supple, to whose friendly zeal and more effective arm
+      we were all much indebted. In this reflective mood, I had watched the
+      retiring shadows of the night gradually disperse before the gray-eyed
+      morn, and had just caught a glimpse of the golden streaks which illumine
+      the face of day, when my o'er-wearied spirit sank to rest.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0009" id="Bimage-0009">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page269.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page269th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page269" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A little before seven o'clock I was awoke by Echo, who came into my room
+      to borrow some clean linen, to enable him to attend chapel prayers at
+      Christ Church. Judge my surprise when I perceived my one-eyed <span
+      class="pagenum">[269]</span>warrior completely restored to his full sight,
+      and not the least appearance of any participation in the affair of the
+      previous night. "What? you can't comprehend how I managed my black optic?
+      hey, old fellow," said Echo; "you shall hear: knocked up Transit, and made
+      him send for his colours, and paint it over&mdash;looks quite natural,
+      don't it?&mdash;defy the big wigs to find it out&mdash;and if I can but
+      make all right by a sop to the old Cerberus at the gate, and <i>queer</i>
+      the <i>prick bills</i> at chapel prayers, I hope to escape the <i>quick-sands
+      of rustication</i>, and pass safely through the <i>creek of proctorial
+      jeopardy</i>. If you're fond of fun, old fellow, jump up and view the
+      Christ Church men proceeding to <i>black matins</i> this morning. After
+      the Roysten hunt yesterday&mdash;the dinner at the Black Bear at Woodstock&mdash;and
+      the <i>Town and Gown row</i> of last night, there will be a motley
+      procession this morning, I'll bet a hundred." The opportunity was a rare
+      one to view the effect of late drinking upon early risers (see Plate);
+      slipping on my academicals, therefore, I accompanied my friend Tom to
+      morning prayers,&mdash;a circumstance, as I have since been informed,
+      which would have involved me in very serious disgrace, had the appearance
+      of an <i>ex college</i> man at vespers attracted the notice of any of the
+      big wigs. Fortunately, however, I escaped the prying eyes of authority,
+      which, on these occasions, are sometimes as much under the dominion of
+      Morpheus&mdash;and literally walk in their sleep from custom&mdash;as the
+      young and inexperienced betray the influence of some more seductive charm.
+      The very bell that called the drowsy student from his bed seemed to rise
+      and fall in accordant sympathy with the lethargic humour that prevailed,
+      tolling in slow and half-sounding notes scarcely audible beyond the
+      college gates. The broken light, that shed its misty hue through the
+      monastic aisle of painted windows and clustered columns, gave an increased
+      appearance of drowsiness to the scene; while the chilling air of the <span
+      class="pagenum">[270]</span>morning nipped the young and dissolute, as it
+      fell in hazy dews upon the bare-headed sons of <i>alma mater</i>, within
+      many of whose bosoms the fires of the previous night's debauch were but
+      scarce extinguished. Then came the lazy unwashed <i>scout</i>, crawling
+      along the quadrangle, rubbing his heavy eyes, and cursing his hard fate to
+      be thus compelled to give early notice to some slumbering student of the
+      hour of seven, waking him from dreams of bliss, by thundering at his <i>oak</i>
+      the summons to <i>black matins</i>. Now crept the youthful band along the
+      avenue, and one by one the drowsy congregation stole through the Gothic
+      ante-chamber that leads to Christ Church chapel, like unwilling victims to
+      some pious sacrifice. Here a lengthened yawn proclaimed the want of rest,
+      and near a tremulous step and heavy half-closed eye was observed, pacing
+      across the marble floor, with hand pressed to his <i>os frontis</i>, as if
+      a thousand odd and sickly fantasies inhabited that chamber of the muses.
+      Now two friends might be seen, supporting a third, whose ghastly aspect
+      bespoke him fresh in the sacred mysteries of college parties and of
+      Bacchus; but who had, nevertheless, undergone a tolerable seasoning on the
+      previous night. There a jolly Nimrod, who had just cleared the college
+      walls, and reached his rooms time enough to cover his hunting frock and
+      boots with his academicals, was seen racing along, to 'scape the <i>prick
+      bill's</i> report, with his round hunting cap in his hand, in lieu of the
+      square tufted trencher of the schools. Night-caps thrown off in the entry&mdash;shoes
+      and stockings tied in the aisle&mdash;a red slipper and the black jockey
+      boot decorating one pair of legs was no uncommon sight; while on every
+      side rushed forward the anxious group with gowns on one arm, or trailing
+      after them, or loosely thrown around the shoulders to escape tribulation,
+      with here and there a sentimental-looking personage of portly habit and
+      solemn gait moving slowly on, filled up the motley picture. The prayers
+      were, indeed, brief, and <span class="pagenum">[271]</span>hurried through
+      with a rapidity that, I dare say, is never complained of by the <i>togati</i>;
+      but is certainly little calculated to impress the youthful mind with any
+      serious respect for these relics of monkish custom, which, after all, must
+      be considered more in the light of a punishment for those who are
+      compelled to attend than any necessary or instructive service connected
+      with the true interests of orthodoxy. In a quarter of an hour the whole
+      group had dispersed to their respective rooms, and within the five minutes
+      next ensuing, I should suppose, the greater part were again comfortably
+      deposited beneath their bedclothes, snoozing away the time till ten or
+      twelve, to make up for these inroads on the slumbers of the previous
+      night. A few hours spent in my friend's rooms, lolling on the sofa, while
+      the scout prepared breakfast, and Tom decorated his person, brought the
+      awful hour of the morning, when all who had taken any very conspicuous
+      share in the events of the previous night were likely to hear of their
+      misdoings, and receive a summons to appear before the vice-chancellor in
+      the Divinity school, better known by the name of <i>Golgotha</i>, or the
+      place of skulls, (see Plate); where, on this occasion, he was expected to
+      meet the big wigs, to confer on some important measures necessary for the
+      future peace and welfare of the university. The usual time had elapsed for
+      these unpleasant visitations, and Echo was chuckling finely at his
+      dexterity in evading the eye of authority, nor was I a little pleased to
+      have escaped myself, when a single rap at the oak, not unlike the hard
+      determined thump of an inflexible dun, in one moment revived all our worst
+      apprehensions, and, unfortunately, with too much reason for the alarm. The
+      proctors had marked poor Tom, and traced him out, and this visit was from
+      one of their bull-dogs, bringing a summons for Echo to attend before the
+      vice-chancellor and dignitaries. "What's to be done, old fellow?" said
+      Echo; "I shall be <span class="pagenum">[272]</span>expelled to a
+      certainty&mdash;and, if I don't strike my own name off the books at the
+      buttery hatch, shall be prevented making a retreat to Cam roads.&mdash;You're
+      out of the scrape, that's clear, and that affords me some hope; for as you
+      are fresh, your word will pass for something in extenuation, or arrest of
+      judgment." After some little time spent in anticipating the charges likely
+      to be brought against him, and arranging the best mode of defence, it was
+      agreed that Echo should proceed forthwith to <i>Golgotha</i>, and there,
+      with undaunted front, meet his accusers; while I was to proceed to Transit
+      and Lionise, and having instructed them in the story we had planned, meet
+      him at the <i>place of skulls</i>, fully prepared to establish, by the
+      most incontrovertible and consistent evidence, that we were not the
+      aggressors in the row. A little persuasion was necessary to convince both
+      our friends that their presence would be essential to Echo's acquittal;
+      they had too many just qualms, and fears, and prejudices of this
+      inquisitorial court not to dread perhaps detection, and a severe reprimand
+      themselves: having, however, succeeded in this point, we all three
+      compared notes, and proceeded to where the vice-chancellor and certain
+      heads of houses sat in solemn judgment on the trembling <i>togati</i>.
+      Echo was already under examination; one of the <i>bull-dogs</i> had sworn
+      particularly to Tom's being a most active leader in the fray of the
+      previous night; and having, in the contest, suffered a complete
+      disorganization of his lower jaw, with the total loss of sundry of his <i>front
+      rails</i>, he took this opportunity of affixing the honour of the deed to
+      my unlucky friend, expecting, no doubt, a very handsome recompense would
+      be awarded him by the court. Expostulation was in vain: Transit, Lionise,
+      and myself were successively called in and examined very minutely, and
+      although we all agreed to a letter in our story, and made a very clever
+      <span class="pagenum">[273]</span>defence of the culprit, we yet had the
+      mortification to hear from little Dodd, who kept the door, and who is
+      always best pleased when he can convey unpleasant tidings to the Gown,
+      that Echo had received sentence of rustication for the remainder of the
+      term; and that Eglantine, in consideration of the imprisonment he had
+      already undergone, and some favourable circumstances in his case, was let
+      off with a fine and imposition.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0010" id="Bimage-0010">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page272.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page272.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page273 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      Thus ended the row of the <i>Town and Gown</i>, as far as our party was
+      personally concerned; but many of the members of the different colleges
+      were equally unfortunate in meeting the heavy censures and judgments of
+      authority. I have just taken possession of my <i>hospitium</i>, and set
+      down with a determination <i>to fagg</i>; do, therefore, keep your
+      promise, and enliven the dull routine of college studies with some account
+      of the world at Brighton.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Bernard Blackmantle.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          On what dread perils doth the youth adventure,
+          Who dares within the Fellows' Bog to enter.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0011" id="Bimage-0011">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page273.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page273 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0012" id="Bimage-0012">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page274.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page274 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Blink2H_4_0004" id="Blink2H_4_0004">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE STAGE COACH,
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      OR THE TRIP TO BRIGHTON.
+    </h3>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     <i>Improvements in Travelling&mdash;Contrast of ancient and modern
+     Conveyances and Coachmen&mdash;Project for a new Land Steam
+     Carriage&mdash;The Inn-yard at the Golden Cross, Charing Cross&mdash;
+     Mistakes of Pas-sengers&mdash;Variety of Characters&mdash;Advantages
+     of the Box-seat&mdash;Obstructions on the Road&mdash;A Pull-up at the
+     Elephant and Castle&mdash;Move on to Kensington Common&mdash;Hew
+     Churches&mdash;Civic Villas at Brixton&mdash;Modern Taste in
+     Architecture described-Arrival at Croydon; why not now the
+     King's Road?&mdash;The Joliffe Hounds&mdash;A Hunting Leader&mdash;
+     Anecdotes of the Horse, by Coachee&mdash;The new Tunnel at
+     Reigate&mdash;The Baron's Chamber&mdash;The Golden Ball&mdash;the Silver
+     Ball&mdash;and the Golden Calf&mdash;Entrance into Brighton.</i>
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[275]</span> That every age is an improved edition
+      of the former I am not (recollecting the splendid relics of antiquity)
+      prepared to admit; but that the present is particularly distinguished for
+      discoveries in science, and vast improvements in mechanical arts, every
+      accurate observer must allow: the <i>prodigious</i> inventions of late
+      years cannot fail in due time of producing that perfectibility, the great
+      consummation denominated the Millennium. Of all other improvements,
+      perhaps the most conspicuous are in the powers of motion as connected with
+      the mode and means of travelling. With what astonishment, were it possible
+      to reanimate the clay-cold relics, would our ancestors survey the
+      accelerated perfection to which coaching is brought in the present day!
+      The journey from London to Brighton, for instance, was, half-a-century
+      since, completed at great risk in twenty-four hours, over a rough road
+      that threatened destruction at every turn; and required the most laborious
+      exertion to reach the summit of precipices that are now, like a ruined
+      spendthrift, cut through and through: the declivities too have
+      disappeared, and from its level face, the whole country would appear to
+      have undergone another revolutionary change, even to the horses, harness,
+      and the driver of the vehicle. In such a country as this, where a
+      disposition to activity and a rambling propensity to seek their fortunes
+      forms one of the most distinguishing characteristics, it was to be
+      expected that travelling would be brought to great perfection; but the
+      most sanguine in this particular could never have anticipated the rapidity
+      with which we are now whirled from one end of the kingdom to the other;
+      fifty-two miles in five hours and a quarter, five changes of horses, and
+      the same coachman to whisk you back again to supper over the same ground,
+      and within the limits of the same day. No <i>ruts or quarterings</i> now&mdash;all
+      level as a bowling-green&mdash;half-bred blood cattle&mdash;bright brass
+      harness&mdash;<i>minute and a half time</i> to change&mdash;and a
+      well-bred gentlemanly fellow for a coachman, who amuses you <span
+      class="pagenum">[276]</span>with a volume of anecdotes, if you are
+      fortunate enough to secure the box-seat, or touches his hat with the <i>congee</i>
+      of a courtier, as he pockets your tributary shilling at parting. No
+      necessity either for settling your worldly affairs, or taking an
+      affectionate farewell of a long string of relations before starting;
+      travelling being now brought to a security unparalleled, and letters
+      patent having passed the great seal of England to ensure, by means of <i>safety
+      coaches</i>, the lives of her rambling subjects. There requires but one
+      other invention to render the whole perfect, and that, if we may believe
+      the newspapers, is very near completion&mdash;a coach to go without
+      horses: to this I beg leave to propose, the steam apparatus might be made
+      applicable to all the purposes of a portable kitchen. The coachman,
+      instead of being a good judge of horse-flesh, to be selected from a first
+      rate London tavern for his proficiency in cooking, a known prime hand at
+      decomposing a turtle; instead of a book of roads, in the inside pocket
+      should be placed a copy of Mrs. Glasse on Cookery, or Dr. Kitchener on
+      Culinaries; where the fore-boot now is might be constructed a glazed
+      larder, filled with all the good things in season: then too the
+      accommodation to invalids, the back seat of the coach, might be made
+      applicable to all the purposes of a shampooing or vapour bath&mdash;no
+      occasion for Molineux or his black rival Mahomed; book your patients
+      inside back seat in London, wrap them up in blankets, and give directions
+      to the cook to keep up a good steam thermometer during the journey, 120°,
+      and you may deliver them safe at Brighton, properly hashed and reduced for
+      any further medical experiments. (See Engraving, p. 274.) The
+      accommodation to fat citizens, and western <i>gourmands</i>, would be
+      excellent, the very height of luxury and refinement&mdash;inhaling the
+      salubrious breeze one moment, and gurgling down the glutinous calipash the
+      next; no <span class="pagenum">[277]</span>exactions of impudent waiters,
+      or imposing landlords, or complaints of dying from hunger, or choking from
+      the want of time to masticate; but every wish gratified and every sense
+      employed. Then how jovial and pleasant it would appear to see perched up
+      in front a John Bull-looking fellow in a snow-white jacket, with a
+      night-cap and apron of the same, a carving-knife in a case by his side,
+      and a poker in his hand to stir up the steam-furnace, or singe a
+      highwayman's wig, should any one attack the coach; this indeed would be an
+      improvement worthy of the age, and call forth the warmest and most
+      grateful tributes of applause from all ranks in society. For myself, I
+      have always endeavoured to read "men more than books," and have ever found
+      an endless diversity of character, a never-failing source of study and
+      amusement in a trip to a watering-place: perched on the top in summer, or
+      pinched inside in winter of a stage-coach, here, at leisure and unknown, I
+      can watch the varied groups of all nations as they roam about for profit
+      or for pleasure, and note their varieties as they pass away like the
+      retiring landscape, never perhaps to meet the eye again.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The excursion to Brighton was no sooner finally arranged, than declining
+      the proffered seat in D'Almaine's travelling carriage, I packed up my
+      portmanteau, and gave directions to my servant to book me outside at the
+      Golden Cross, by the seven o'clock morning coach, for Brighton; taking
+      care to secure the box-seat, by the payment of an extra shilling to the
+      porter.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      An inn-yard, particularly such a well-frequented one as the Golden Cross,
+      Charing Cross, affords the greatest variety of character and entertainment
+      to a humorist. Vehicles to all parts of the kingdom, and from the
+      inscription on the Dover coaches, I might add to all parts of the world,
+      <i>via Paris</i>. "Does that coach go the whole way to France?" said an
+      <span class="pagenum">[278]</span>unsuspecting little piece of female
+      simplicity to me, as I stood lolling on the steps at the coach-office
+      door. "Certainly," replied I, unthinkingly. "O, then I suppose," said the
+      speaker, "they have finished the projected chain-pier from Dover to
+      Calais." "France and England united? nothing more impossible," quoth I,
+      correcting the impression I had unintentionally created. "Are you going by
+      the Brighton, mam?" "Yes, I be." "Can't <i>take</i> all that luggage."
+      "Then you sha'n't _take_ me." "Don't wish to be __taken for a waggon-man."
+      "No, but by Jasus, friend, you are a wag-on-her," said a merry-faced
+      Hibernian, standing by. "Have you paid down the <i>dust</i>, mam?"
+      inquired the last speaker. "I have paid for my place, sir," said the lady;
+      "and I shall lose two, if I don't go." "Then by the powers, cookey, you
+      had better pay for one and a half, and that will include luggage, and then
+      you'll be a half gainer by the bargain." "What a cursed narrow hole this
+      is for a decent-sized man to cram himself in at?" muttered an enormous
+      bulky citizen, sticking half-way in the coach-door, and panting for breath
+      from the violence of his exertions to drag his hind-quarters after him.
+      "Take these hampers on the top, Jack," said the porter below to the man
+      loading the coach, and quietly rested the baskets across the projecting <i>ultimatum</i>
+      of the fat citizen (to the no little amusement of the bystanders), who
+      through his legs vociferated, "I'll indict you, fellows; I'll be&mdash;&mdash;if
+      I don't, under Dick Martin's act." "It must be then, my jewel," said the
+      waggish Hibernian, "for overloading a mule." "Do we take <i>the whole</i>
+      of you to-day, sir?" said coachee, assisting to push him in. "What do you
+      mean by <i>the whole</i>? I am only one man." "A master tailor," said
+      coachee, aside, "he must be then, with the <i>pickings</i> of nine poor
+      journeymen in his paunch." "Ish tere any room outshide te coach?" bawled
+      out a black-headed little Israelite; "ve shall be all shmotered vithin,
+      <span class="pagenum">[279]</span>tish hot day; here are too peepels
+      inshite, vat each might fill a coach by temselves." "All right&mdash;all
+      right; take care of your heads, gemmen, going under the gateway; give the
+      bearing rein of the near leader one twist more, and pole up the off
+      wheeler a link or two. All right, Tom&mdash;all right&mdash;stand away
+      from the horses' heads, there&mdash;ehewt, fee'e't!"&mdash;smack goes the
+      whip, and away goes the Brighton Times like a Congreve rocket, filled with
+      all manner of combustibles.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The box-seat has one considerable advantage&mdash;it exempts you from the
+      inquisitive and oftentimes impertinent conversation of a mixed group of
+      stage-coach passengers; in addition to which, if you are fond of driving,
+      a foible of mine, I confess, it affords an opportunity for an extra lesson
+      on the noble art of <i>handling the ribbons</i>, and at the same time puts
+      you in possession of all the topographical, descriptive, and anecdotal
+      matter relative to the resident gentry and the road.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The first two miles from the place of starting is generally occupied in
+      clearing obstructions on the road, taking up old maids at their own
+      houses, with pug-dogs, pattens, and parrots, or pert young misses at their
+      papas' shop-doors; whose mammas take this opportunity of delaying a
+      coach-load of people to display their maternal tenderness at parting,
+      while the junior branches of the family hover round the vehicle, and
+      assail your ears with lisping out their eternal "good b'yes," and the old
+      hairless head of the family is seen slyly <i>tipping</i> coachee an extra
+      shilling to take care of his darling girl. The Elephant and Castle
+      produces another <i>pull-up</i>, and here a branch-coach brings a load of
+      lumber from the city, which, while the porter is stowing away, gives time
+      to exhibit the <i>lions</i> who are leaving London in every direction.
+      King's Bench rulers with needy habiliments, and lingering looks, sighing
+      for term-time and <span class="pagenum">[280]</span>a <i>horse</i>,{1} on
+      one side the road, and Jews, newsmen, and <i>touters</i>, on the other;
+      who nearly <i>give away</i> their goods, if you believe them, for the good
+      of the nation, or force you into a coach travelling in direct opposition
+      to the road for which you have been booked, and in which your luggage may
+      by such mischance happily precede you at least half a day. At length all
+      again is declared right, the supervisor delivers his <i>way-bill</i>, and
+      forward moves the coach, at a somewhat brisker pace, to Kennington Common.
+      I shall not detain my readers here with a long dull account of the
+      unfortunate rebels who suffered on this spot in 1745; but rather direct
+      their attention to a neat Protestant church, which has recently been
+      erected on the space between the two roads leading to Croydon and Sutton,
+      the portico of which is in fine architectural taste, and the whole
+      building a very great accommodation and distinguished ornament to the
+      neighbourhood. About half a mile farther, on the rise of Brixton hill, is
+      another newly erected church, the portico in the style of a Greek temple,
+      and in an equally commanding situation: from this to Croydon, ten miles,
+      you have a tolerable specimen of civic taste in rural architecture.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      On both sides of the road may be seen a variety of incongruous edifices,
+      called villas and cottage <i>ornées</i>, peeping up in all the pride of a
+      retired linen-draper, or the consequential authority of a man in office,
+      in as many varied styles of architecture as of dispositions in the
+      different proprietors, and all exhibiting (in their possessors' opinion)
+      claims to the purest and most refined taste.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      For example, the basement story is in the Chinese or Venetian style, the
+      first floor in that of the florid Gothic, with tiles and a pediment <i>à-la-Nash</i>,
+      at the Bank; a doorway with inclined jambs, and a hieroglyphic <i>à-la-Greek</i>:
+      a gable-ended glass <i>lean to</i> on
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 A day-rule, so called.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[281]</span>one side, about big enough for a
+      dog-kennel, is called a green-house, while a similar erection on the other
+      affords retirement for the <i>tit</i> and tilbury; the door of which is
+      always set wide open in fine weather, to display to passers-by the
+      splendid equipage of the occupier. The parterre in front (green as the
+      jaundiced eye of their less fortunate brother tradesmen) is enriched with
+      some dozens of vermilion-coloured flower-pots mounted on a japanned
+      verdigris frame, sending forth odoriferous, balmy, and enchanting gales to
+      the grateful olfactory organs, from the half-withered stems of pining and
+      consumptive geraniums; to complete the picture, two unique plaster casts
+      of naked figures, the Apollo Belvidere and the Venus de Medici, at most a
+      foot in altitude, are placed on clumsy wooden pedestals of three times
+      that height before the parlour-windows, painted in a chaste flesh-colour,
+      and guarded by a Whitechapel bull-cdog, who, like another Cerberus, sits
+      growling at the gate to fright away the child of poverty, and insult the
+      less wealthy pedestrian.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Happy country! where every man can consult his own taste, and build
+      according to his own fancy, amalgamating in one structure all the known
+      orders and varieties, Persian, Egyptian, Athenian, and European.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Croydon in 1573 contained the <i>archiepiscopal palace</i> of the
+      celebrated Archbishop Parker, who, as well as his successor Whitgift, here
+      had frequently the honour to entertain Queen Elizabeth and her court: the
+      manor since the reign of William the Conqueror has belonged to the
+      Archbishops of Canterbury. The church is a venerable structure, and the
+      stately tower, embowered with woods and flanked by the Surrey hills, a
+      most picturesque and commanding object; the interior contains some
+      monuments of antiquity well worthy the attention of the curious. The town
+      itself has little worthy of note except the hospital, <span class="pagenum">[282]</span>founded
+      by Archbishop Whitgift for a warder and twenty poor men and women, decayed
+      housekeepers of Croyden and Lambeth: a very comfortable and well-endowed
+      retirement.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "This was formerly the King's road," said coachee, "but the radicals
+      having thought proper to insult his majesty on his passing through to
+      Brighton during the affair of the late Queen, he has ever since gone by
+      the way of Sutton: a circumstance that has at least operated to produce
+      one christian virtue among the inhabitants, namely, that of humility;
+      before this there was no <i>getting change</i> for a civil sentence from
+      them."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      To Merstham seven miles, the road winds through a bleak valley called
+      Smithem Bottom, till recently the favourite resort of the cockney gunners
+      for rabbit-shooting; but whether from the noise of their harmless
+      double-barrel <i>Nocks</i>, or the more dreadful carnage of the Croydon
+      poachers, these animals are now exceedingly scarce in this neighbourhood.
+      Just as we came in sight of Merstham, the distant view halloo of the
+      huntsman broke upon our ears, when the near-leader rising upon his
+      haunches and neighing with delight at the inspiring sound, gave us to
+      understand that he had not always been used to a life of drudgery, but in
+      earlier times had most likely carried some daring Nimrod to the field, and
+      bounded with fiery courage o'er hedge and gate, through dell and brake,
+      outstripping the fleeting wind to gain the honour of <i>the brush</i>. Ere
+      we had gained the village, reynard and the whole field broke over the road
+      in their scarlet frocks, and dogs and horses made a dash away for a
+      steeple chase across the country, led by the worthy-hearted owner of the
+      pack, the jolly fox-hunting Colonel, Hilton Jolliffe, whose residence caps
+      the summit of the hill. From hence to Reigate, four miles farther, there
+      was no circumstance or object of interest, if I except a very romantic
+      tale coachee <span class="pagenum">[283]</span>narrated of his hunting
+      leader, who had of course been bred in the stud of royalty itself, and had
+      since been the property of two or three sporting peers, when, having put
+      out a _spavin_, during the last hunting season, he was sold for a
+      __machiner; but being since fired and turned out, he had come up all
+      right, and was now, according to coachee's disinterested opinion, one of
+      the best hunters in the kingdom. As I was not exactly the customer coachee
+      was looking for, being at the time pretty well mounted, I thought it
+      better to indulge him in the joke, particularly as any doubt on my part
+      might have soured the whip, and made him sullen for the rest of the
+      journey.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      At Reigate a trifling accident happened to one of the springs of the
+      coach, which detained us half an hour, and enabled me to pay a visit to
+      the celebrated sand cavern, where, it is reported, the Barons met, during
+      the reign of King John, to hold their councils and draw up that great <i>palladium</i>
+      of English liberty, <i>Magna Charta</i>, which was afterwards signed at
+      Runnymede.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      There was something awful about this stupendous excavation that impressed
+      me with solemn thoughtfulness; it lies about sixty feet from the surface
+      of the earth, and is divided into three apartments with arched roofs, the
+      farthest of which is designated the Barons' Chamber. Time flowed back upon
+      my memory as I sat in the niches hewn out in the sides of the cavern, and
+      meditation deep usurped my mind as I dwelt on the recollections of
+      history; on the
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "Majestic forms, and men of other times,
+          Retired to fan the patriotic fire,
+          Which, bursting forth at Runnymede,
+          With rays of glory lightened all the land!"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Near to the mouth of this cavern stands the remains of Holms Castle,
+      celebrated in the history of the civil wars between Charles the First and
+      his parliament; and on the site of an ancient monastic establishment,
+      <span class="pagenum">[284]</span>near to the spot, has been erected a
+      handsome modern mansion called the Priory of Holmsdale, the name of the
+      valley in which the town is situate. Returning to the inn I observed the
+      new tunnel, which we had previously passed under, a recent work of great
+      labour and expense, which saves a considerable distance in the approach to
+      the town; it has been principally effected by a wealthy innkeeper, and
+      certainly adds much to the advantage and beauty of the place. Coachee had
+      now made all right, and his anxious passengers were again replaced in
+      their former situations to proceed on our journey. The next stage, ten
+      miles, to Crawley, a picturesque place, afforded little variety, if I
+      except an immense elm which stands by the side of the road as you enter,
+      and has a door in front to admit the curious into its hollow trunk. Our
+      next post was Cuckfield, nine miles, where I did not discover any thing
+      worthy of narration; from this to Brighton, twelve miles, coachee amused
+      me with some anecdotes of persons whom we passed upon the road. A handsome
+      chariot, with a most divine little creature in the inside, and a
+      good-looking <i>roué</i>, with huge mustachios, first attracted my notice:
+      "that is the golden Ball," said coachee, "and his new wife; he often <i>rolls
+      down</i> this road for a day or two&mdash;spends his cash like an emperor&mdash;and
+      before he was <i>tied up</i> used to tip pretty freely for <i>handling the
+      ribbons</i>, but that's all up now, for <i>Mamsell</i> Mercandotti finds
+      him better amusement. A gem-man who often comes down with me says his
+      father was a slopseller in Ratcliffe Highway, and afterwards marrying the
+      widow of Admiral Hughes, a rich old West India nabob, he left this young
+      gemman the bulk of his property, and a very worthy fellow he is: but we've
+      another rich fellow that's rather notorious at Brighton, which we
+      distinguish by the name of the <i>silver Ball</i>, only he's a bit of a <i>screw</i>,
+      and has lately <span class="pagenum">[285]</span>got himself into a scrape
+      about a pretty actress, from which circumstance they have changed his name
+      to the <i>Foote Ball</i>. I suppose you guess where I am now," said
+      coachee, tipping me one of his knowing winks. "Do you see that machine
+      before us, a sort of cabriolet, with two horses drove in a curricle bar?
+      that is another <i>swell</i> who is very fond of Brighton, a Jew gentleman
+      of the name of Solomon, whom the wags have made a Christian of by the new
+      appellation of the <i>golden calf</i>; but his godfathers were never more
+      out in their lives, for in <i>splitting a bob</i>, it's my opinion, he'd
+      bother all Bevis Marks and the Stock Exchange into the bargain." In this
+      way we trotted along, gathering good air and information at every step,
+      until we were in sight of Brighton Downs, a long chain of hills, which
+      appear on either side; with their undulating surfaces covered with the
+      sweet herb wild thyme, and diversified by the numerous flocks of
+      South-down sheep grazing on their loftiest summits. After winding through
+      the romantic valley of Preston, the white-fronted houses and glazed bricks
+      of Brighton break upon the sight, sparkling in the sun-beams, with a
+      distant glimpse of the sea, appearing, at first sight, to rise above the
+      town like a blue mountain in the distance: we entered the place along what
+      is called the London Road, with a view of the Pavilion before us, the
+      favourite abode of royalty, shooting its minaret towers and glass dome
+      upwards in the most grotesque character, not unlike the representations of
+      the Kremlin at Moscow; exciting, at the first glance, among the
+      passengers, the most varied and amusing sallies of witticisms and
+      conjectures.&mdash;Having procured a sketch of it from this view, I shall
+      leave you to contemplate, while I retire to my inn and make the necessary
+      arrangements for refreshment and future habitation.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      By way of postscript, I enclose you a very entertaining scene I witnessed
+      between D'Almaine and <span class="pagenum">[286]</span>his wife the night
+      previous to my journey: they are strange creatures; but you love
+      eccentrics, and may be amused with this little drama, which formed the
+      motive for my visit.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Horatio Heartly.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0013" id="Bimage-0013">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page286.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page286 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Blink2H_4_0005" id="Blink2H_4_0005">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE PROPOSITION.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     <i>Family Secrets&mdash;Female Tactics&mdash;How to carry the Point.</i>
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[287]</span>"It was ever thus, D'Almaine," said Lady
+      Mary; "always hesitating between a natural liberality of disposition, and
+      a cold, calculating, acquired parsimony, that has never increased our
+      fortune in the sum of sixpence, or added in the slightest degree to our
+      domestic comforts." "All the <i>prejudice of education</i>" said
+      D'Almaine, good-humouredly; "my old uncle, the banker, to whose bounty we
+      are both much indebted, my dear, early inculcated these notions of thrift
+      into the brain of a certain lighthearted young gentleman, whose buoyant
+      spirits sometimes led him a little beyond the <i>barrier of prudence</i>,
+      and too often left him environed with difficulties in the <i>marshes of
+      impediment</i>. 'Look before you leap,' was a wise saw of the old
+      gentleman's; and 'be just before you're generous,' a proverb that never
+      failed to accompany a temporary supply, or an additional demand upon his
+      generosity."&mdash;"Hang your old uncle!" replied Lady Mary, pouting and
+      trying to look ill-tempered in the face of Lord Henry's good-natured
+      remonstrance,&mdash;"I never ask a favour for myself, or solicit you to
+      take the recreation necessary to your own health and that of your family,
+      but I am pestered with the revised musty maxims of your dead old uncle. He
+      has been consigned to the earth these ten years, and <span class="pagenum">[288]</span>if
+      it were not for the ten thousand per annum he left us, ought long since to
+      have shared the fate of his ancestry, whose names were never heard more of
+      than the tributary tablet imparts to the eye of curiosity in a country
+      church, and within whose limits all inquiry ends." "Gratitude, Lady Mary,
+      if not respect for my feelings, should preserve that good man's name from
+      reproach." Lord Henry's eye was unusually expressive&mdash;he continued:&mdash;"The
+      coronet that graces your own soul-inspiring face would lack the lustre of
+      its present brilliancy, but for the generous bequest of the old city
+      banker, whose <i>plum</i> was the <i>sweetest windfall</i> that ever dropt
+      into the empty purse of the poor possessor of an ancient baronial title.
+      The old battlements of Crackenbury have stood many a siege, 'tis true; but
+      that formidable engine of modern warfare, the <i>catapulta</i> of the
+      auctioneer, had, but for him, proved more destructive to its walls than
+      the battering-ram and hoarse cannonades of ancient rebels."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[288]</span>When a woman is foiled at argument, she
+      generally has recourse to finesse. Lady Mary had made up her mind to carry
+      her point; finding therefore the right column of her vengeance turned by
+      the smart attack of D'Almaine's raillery, she was determined to out-flank
+      him with her whole park of well-appointed artillery, consisting of all
+      those endearing, solicitous looks and expressions, that can melt the most
+      obdurate heart, and command a victory over the most experienced general.
+      It was in vain that Lord Henry urged the unusual heavy expenses of the
+      season in town,&mdash;the four hundred paid for the box at the opera,&mdash;or
+      the seven hundred for the greys and the new barouche,&mdash;the pending
+      demand from Messrs. Rundell's for the new service of plate,&mdash;and the
+      splendid alterations and additions just made to the old family hall,&mdash;with
+      <span class="pagenum">[289]</span>numerous other most provoking items
+      which the old steward had conjured up, as if on purpose, to abridge the
+      pleasures of Lady Mary's intended tour. "It was very <i>distressing</i>&mdash;she
+      heartily wished there was no such thing as money in the world&mdash;it
+      made people very miserable&mdash;they were a much happier couple, she
+      contended, when they were merely Honourables, and lived upon a paltry two
+      thousand and the expectancy&mdash;there never was any difficulty then
+      about money transactions, and a proposition for a trip to a watering-place
+      was always hailed with pleasure."&mdash;"True, Lady Mary; but then you
+      forget we travelled in a stage coach, with your maid on the outside, while
+      my man servant, with a led-horse, followed or preceded us. Then, we were
+      content with lodgings on the West-cliff, and the use of a kitchen: now, we
+      require a splendid establishment, must travel in our own chariot, occupy
+      half a mews with our horses, and fill half a good-sized barrack with our
+      servants. Then, we could live snug, accept an invitation to dinner with a
+      commoner, and walk or ride about as we pleased, without being pointed at
+      as <i>lions</i> or <i>raro aves</i> just broke loose from the great state
+      aviary at St. James's." "We shall scarcely be discovered," said Lady Mary,
+      "among the stars that surround the regal planet."&mdash;"We shall be much
+      mortified then," said Lord Henry, facetiously.&mdash;"You are very
+      provoking, D'Almaine. I know your turf speculations have proved fortunate
+      of late: I witnessed Sir Charles paying you a large sum the other morning;
+      and I have good reason for thinking you have been successful at the club,
+      for I have not heard your usual morning salutation to your valet, who
+      generally on the occasion of your losses receives more checks than are
+      payable at your bankers. You shall advance me a portion of your winnings,
+      in return for which I promise you good health, good society, and, perhaps,
+      if the stars <i>shoot <span class="pagenum">[290]</span>rightly</i>, a
+      good place for our second son. In these days of peace, the distaff can
+      effect more than the field-marshal's baton."&mdash;"Always provided," said
+      my sire (clapping his hand upon his <i>os frontis</i>), "that nothing else
+      <i>shoots out</i> of such condescensions."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "But why has Brighton the preference as a watering place?" said Lord
+      Henry: "the Isle of Wight is, in my opinion, more retired; Southampton
+      more select; Tunbridge Wells more rural; and Worthing more social."&mdash;"True,
+      D'Almaine; but I am not yet so old and woe-begone, so out of conceit with
+      myself, or misanthropic with the world, to choose either the retired, the
+      select, the rural, or the social. I love the bustle of society, enjoy the
+      promenade on the Steyne, and the varied character that nightly fills the
+      libraries; I read men, not books, and above all I enjoy the world of
+      fashion. Where the King is, there is concentrated all that is delightful
+      in society. Your retired dowagers and Opposition peers may congregate in
+      rural retirement, and sigh with envy at the enchanting splendour of the
+      court circle; those only who have felt its cheering influence can speak of
+      its inspiring pleasures; and all who have participated in the elegant
+      scene will laugh at the whispers of malignity and the innuendoes of
+      disappointment, which are ever pregnant with some newly invented <i>on dit</i>
+      of scandalous tendency, to libel a circle of whom they know nothing but by
+      report; and that report, in nine instances out of ten, 'the weak invention
+      of the enemy.'" "Bravo, Lady Mary; your spirited defence of the Pavilion
+      party does honour to your heart, and displays as much good sense as honest
+      feeling; but a little interest, methinks, lurks about it for all that: I
+      have not forgotten the honour we received on our last visit; and you, I
+      can perceive, anticipate a renewal of the same gratifying condescension;
+      so give James his instructions, and let him proceed to Brighton to-morrow
+      to make the necessary arrangements for our arrival."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[291]</span>Thus ended the colloquy in the usual
+      family manner, when well-bred men entertain something more than mere
+      respect for their elegant and accomplished partners.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0014" id="Bimage-0014">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page291.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page291 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Blink2H_4_0006" id="Blink2H_4_0006">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      SKETCHES AT BRIGHTON.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     <i>The  Pavilion Party&mdash;Interior described&mdash;Royal and Noble
+     Anecdotes&mdash;King and Mathews</i>.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[292]</span>I had preceded D'Almaine and the
+      Countess only a few hours in my arrival at Brighton; you know the vivacity
+      and enchanting humour which ever animates that little divinity, and will
+      not therefore be surprised to hear, on her name being announced at the
+      Pavilion, we were honoured with a royal invitation to an evening party. I
+      had long sighed for an opportunity to view the interior of that eccentric
+      building; but to have enjoyed such a treat, made doubly attractive by the
+      presence of the King, reposing from the toils of state in his favourite
+      retreat, and surrounded by the select circle of his private friends, was
+      more than my most sanguine expectations could have led me to conjecture.
+      Suspending, therefore, my curiosity until the morrow, relative to the
+      Steyne, the beach, the libraries, and the characters, I made a desperate
+      effort in embellishing, to look unusually stylish, and as usual, never
+      succeeded so ill in my life. Our residence on the Grand Parade is scarcely
+      a hundred yards from, and overlooks the Pavilion&mdash;a circumstance
+      which had quite escaped my recollection; for with all the natural anxiety
+      of a young and ardent mind, I had fully equipped myself before the Count
+      had even thought of entering his dressing-room. Half-an-hour's lounge at
+      the projecting window of our new habitation, on a tine summer's evening,
+      gave me an opportunity of remarking the <span class="pagenum">[293]</span>singular
+      appearance the front of this building presents:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "If minarets, rising together, provoke
+          From the lips of the vulgar the old-fashioned joke&mdash;
+
+          '<i>De gustibus non est</i> (I think) <i>disputandum</i>'
+          The taste is plebeian that quizzes at random."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      There is really something very romantic in the style of its architecture,
+      and by no means inelegant; perhaps it is better suited for the peculiar
+      situation of this marine palace than a more classical or accredited order
+      would be. It has been likened, on its first appearance, to a chess-board;
+      but, in my thinking, it more nearly resembles that soul-inspiring scene,
+      the splendid banquet table, decorated in the best style of modern
+      grandeur, and covered with the usual plate and glass enrichments: for
+      instance, the central dome represents the water magnum, the towers right
+      and left, with their pointed spires, champagne bottles, the square
+      compartments on each side are exactly like the form of our fashionable
+      liqueur stands, the clock tower resembles the centre ornament of a
+      plateau, the various small spires so many enriched <i>candelabra</i>, the
+      glass dome a superb dessert dish; but
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+         "Don't expect, my dear boy, I can similies find
+          For a heap of similitudes so undefined.
+          And why should I censure tastes not my concern?
+         'Tis as well for the arts that all tastes have their turn."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      If I had written for three hours on the subject, I could not have been
+      more explicit; you have only to arrange the articles in the order
+      enumerated, and you have a model of the upper part of the building before
+      you. At nine o'clock we made our <i>entré</i> into the Pavilion, westward,
+      passing through the vestibule and hall, when we entered one of the most
+      superb apartments that art or fancy can devise, whether for richness of
+      effect, decoration, and design: this is <span class="pagenum">[294]</span>called
+      the <i>Chinese Gallery</i>, one hundred and sixty-two feet in length by
+      seventeen feet in breadth, and is divided into five compartments, the
+      centre being illumined with a light of stained glass, on which is
+      represented the God of Thunder, as described in the Chinese mythology,
+      surrounded by the imperial five-clawed dragons, supporting pendent
+      lanterns, ornamented with corresponding devices. The ceiling or cove is
+      the colour of peach blossom; and a Chinese canopy is suspended round from
+      the lower compartment with tassels, bells, &amp;c.: the furniture and
+      other decorations, such as cabinets, chimney-piece, trophies, and banners,
+      which are in the gallery, are all in strict accordance with the Chinese
+      taste; while on every side the embellishments present twisted dragons,
+      pagodas, and mythological devices of birds, flowers, insects, statues,
+      formed from a yellow marble; and a rich collection of Oriental china. The
+      extreme compartments north and south are occupied by chased brass
+      staircases, the lateral ornaments of which are serpents, and the balusters
+      resemble bamboo. In the north division is the <i>fum</i>{1} or Chinese
+      bird of royalty: this gallery opens into the music room, an apartment
+      forty-two feet square, with two recesses of ten feet each, and rising in
+      height forty-one feet, to a dome thirty feet in diameter. The magnificence
+      and imposing grandeur of effect surpasses all effort at detail. It
+      presented a scene of enchantment which brought to recollection the florid
+      descriptions, in the Persian Tales, of the palaces of the genii: the
+      prevailing decoration is executed in green gold, and produces a most
+      singularly splendid effect. On the walls are twelve highly finished
+      paintings, views in China, principally near Pekin, imitative of the
+      crimson japan.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 The fum is said to be found in no part of the world but
+     China. It is described as of most admirable beauty; and
+     their absence for any time from the imperial city regarded
+     as an omen of misfortune to the royal family. The emperor
+     and mandarins have the semblance of these birds embroidered
+     on their vestments.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[295]</span>The dome appears to be excavated out of
+      a rock of solid gold, and is supported by an octagonal base, ornamented
+      with the richest Chinese devices; at each angle of the room is a
+      pagoda-tower, formed of the most costly materials in glass and china, with
+      lamps attached; beneath the dome and base is a splendid canopy, supported
+      by columns of crimson and gold, with twisted serpents of enormous size,
+      and terrific expression surrounding them. A magnificent organ, by
+      Sinclair, the largest and best in the kingdom, occupies the north recess,
+      twenty feet in width, length, and height: there are two entrances to this
+      room, one from the <i>Egyptian gallery</i>, and another from the yellow
+      drawing-room, each under a rich canopy, supported by gold columns. A
+      beautiful chimney-piece of white statuary marble, and an immense mirror,
+      with splendid draperies of blue, red, and yellow satin, rare china jars,
+      and ornaments in ormolu, increase the dazzling brilliancy of the
+      apartment. As this was my first appearance in the palace, the Countess,
+      very considerately, proposed to Sir H&mdash;&mdash;T&mdash;&mdash;, who
+      conducted us, that we should walk through the other public apartments,
+      before we were ushered into the presence chamber&mdash;a proposition the
+      good-natured equerry very readily complied with. Repassing, therefore, the
+      whole length of the Chinese gallery, the southern extremity communicates
+      with the <i>Royal Banqueting Room</i>, sixty feet in length, by forty-two
+      in breadth: the walls are bounded at the height of twenty-three feet by a
+      cornice, apparently inlaid with pearls and gold, from which spring four
+      ecliptic arches, supported by golden columns, surmounted with a dome,
+      rising to a height of forty-five feet, and constructed to represent an
+      eastern sky; beneath which is seen spreading the broad umbrageous foliage
+      of the luxuriant plantain, bearing its fruit and displaying, in all the
+      progressive stages, <span class="pagenum">[296]</span>the different
+      varieties, from the early blossom to maturity: curious Chinese symbols are
+      suspended from the trunk, and connect themselves with a grand lustre,
+      rising to a height of thirty feet, and reflecting the most varied and
+      magical effect, being multiplied by other lustres, in the several angles
+      adjoining. The walls are decorated with groups of figures, nearly the size
+      of life, portraying the costume of the higher classes of the Chinese;
+      domestic episodes, painted on a ground of imitative pearl, richly wrought,
+      in all the varied designs of Chinese mythology. The furniture is of the
+      most costly description&mdash;rose-wood inlaid with mother-of-pearl, and
+      enriched with <i>or molu</i> chasings of the most elegant design; the
+      effect of which is admirably contrasted with the rich glossy jars of blue
+      porcelain, of English manufacture, and magnificent brilliancy. Centrally,
+      between these magnificent apartments, is the Rotunda or Saloon; an oblong
+      interior of fifty-five feet in length, the decoration chaste and classical
+      in the extreme, being simply white and gold, the enriched cornice being
+      supported by columns and pilasters, and the whole decoration uniting
+      coolness with simplicity. The passages to some of the minor apartments are
+      unique in their style of embellishment, which appears to be of polished
+      white marble, but is, in fact, nothing but a superior Dutch tile, cemented
+      smoothly, in plaster of Paris, and highly varnished. There are many other
+      private and anterooms to the west of the Chinese gallery, the decorations
+      of which are more simple, but in a corresponding style. We had now arrived
+      at the <i>Yellow Room (see Plate</i>), where we understood his Majesty
+      would receive his evening party.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0015" id="Bimage-0015">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page296.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page296th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page296" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The apartment is fifty-six feet in length, by twenty in breadth, and is
+      hung round with a rich fluted drapery of yellow satin, suspended from the
+      ceiling, and representing a magnificent Chinese tent, from the centre of
+      which hangs a chandelier of <span class="pagenum">[237]</span>the most
+      splendid design, the light of which is diffused through painted glasses,
+      resembling in shape and colour every variety of the tulip, exciting the
+      greatest admiration. The chimney-piece is Chinese, the stove formed by <i>chimera</i>
+      chased in <i>or molu</i>, the figures above being models or automatons, of
+      nearly the size of life, dressed in splendid costume, occasionally moving
+      their heads and arms. The furniture of the room is of a similar character
+      to those already described, except the seats, which are ottomans of yellow
+      velvet, the window draperies being of the same splendid material. It was
+      in this truly royal apartment we had the honour of waiting the approach of
+      his Majesty, who entered, at about a quarter before ten, apparently in the
+      enjoyment of the most excellent health and highest spirits. He was
+      preceded by Sir A. F. Barnard and Lord Francis Conyngham, the grooms in
+      waiting, and entered with the Princess Augusta leaning on his arm, the
+      left of her royal highness being supported by the Duke of York; the
+      Marquis of Conyngham followed, leading in his Marchioness; and the
+      beautiful and accomplished Lady Elizabeth honoured Sir William Knighton as
+      her conductor. The old Earl of Arran came hobbling on his crutches,
+      dreadfully afflicted with the gout. Sir C. Paget, that merry son of
+      Neptune, with Sir E. Nagle, followed; the rear being brought up by the
+      fascinating Countess of Warwick and her ever constant earl. <i>(See
+      Plate.)</i> Do not imagine, my dear Bernard, that I shall so far outrage
+      the honourable feelings of a gentleman as to relate every word, look, or
+      action, of this illustrious party, for the rude ear of eager curiosity.
+      Those only who have witnessed the Monarch in private life, freed from the
+      weight of state affairs, and necessary regal accompaniments, can form a
+      correct judgment of the unaffected goodness of his heart; the easy
+      affability, and pliant condescension, with which he can divest <span
+      class="pagenum">[298]</span>every one around him of any feeling of
+      restraint&mdash;the uncommon sprightliness and vivacity he displays in
+      conversation&mdash;the life and soul of all that is elegant and classical,
+      and the willing participator and promoter of a good joke. Suffice it to
+      say, the reception was flattering in the extreme, the entertainment
+      conversational and highly intellectual. The moments flew so quickly, that
+      I could have wished the hour of eleven, the period of the King's retiring,
+      had been extended to the noontide of the morrow. But is this all, I think
+      I can hear you say, this friend of my heart dares to repose with me on a
+      subject so agreeable? No&mdash;you shall have a few <i>on dits</i>, but
+      nothing touching on the scandalous; gleanings, from Sir E&mdash;&mdash;
+      and Sir C&mdash;&mdash;, the jesters of our sovereign lord the King; but
+      nothing that might excite a blush in the cheek of the lovely Countess, to
+      whom I was indebted for the honour and delight I on that occasion
+      experienced. Imprimis:&mdash;I know you are intimate with that inimitable
+      child of whim, Charles Mathews. He is in high estimation with royalty, I
+      assure you; and annually receives the King's command to deliver a
+      selection from his popular entertainments before him&mdash;an amusement of
+      which his Majesty speaks in terms of the warmest admiration. On the last
+      occasion, a little <i>scena</i> occurred that must have been highly
+      amusing; as it displays at once the kind recollections of the King, and
+      his amiable disposition. As I had it from Sir C&mdash;&mdash;, you may
+      depend upon its authenticity. I shall denominate it the King at Home, or
+      Mathews in Carlton Palace. <i>(See Plate.)</i>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0016" id="Bimage-0016">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page298.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page298th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page298" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Previous to Mathews leaving this country for America, he exhibited a
+      selection from his popular entertainments, by command of his Majesty, at
+      Carlton Palace.&mdash;A party of not more than six or eight persons were
+      present, including the Princess Augusta and the Marchioness of Conyngham.
+      During <span class="pagenum">[299]</span>the entertainment (with which the
+      King appeared much delighted), Mathews introduced his imitations of
+      various performers on the British stage, and was proceeding with John
+      Kemble in the Stranger, when he was interrupted by the King, who, in the
+      most affable manner, observed that his general imitations were excellent,
+      and such as no one who had ever seen the characters could fail to
+      recognise; but he thought the comedian's portrait of John Kemble somewhat
+      too boisterous.&mdash;"He is an old friend, and I might add, tutor of
+      mine," observed his Majesty: "when I was Prince of Wales he often favoured
+      me with his company. I will give you an imitation of John Kemble," said
+      the good-humoured monarch. Mathews was electrified. The lords of the
+      bed-chamber eyed each other with surprise. The King rose and prefaced his
+      imitations by observing, "I once requested John Kemble to take a pinch of
+      snuff with me, and for this purpose placed my box on the table before him,
+      saying 'Kemble, oblige (obleege) me by taking a pinch of snuff' He took a
+      pinch, and then addressed me thus:&mdash;(Here his Majesty assumed the
+      peculiar carriage of Mr. Kemble.) 'I thank your Royal Highness for your
+      snuff, but, in future, do extend your royal jaws a little wider, and say
+      Oblige.'" The anecdote was given with the most powerful similitude to the
+      actor's voice and manners, and had an astonishing effect on the party
+      present. It is a circumstance equally worthy of the King and the scholar.
+      Mathews, at the conclusion, requested permission to offer an original
+      anecdote of Kemble, which had some affinity to the foregoing. Kemble had
+      been for many years the intimate friend of the Earl of Aberdeen. On one
+      occasion he had called on that nobleman during his morning's ride, and
+      left Mrs. Kemble in the carriage at the door. John and the noble earl were
+      closely engaged on some literary subject a very long time, while Mrs.
+      Kemble was <span class="pagenum">[300]</span>shivering in the carriage (it
+      being very cold weather). At length her patience being exhausted, she
+      directed her servant to inform his master that she was waiting, and feared
+      the cold weather would bring on an attack of the rheumatism. The fellow
+      proceeded to the door of the earl's study, and delivered his message,
+      leaving out the final letter in rheumatism.&mdash;This he had repeated
+      three several times, by direction of his mistress, before he could obtain
+      an answer. At length, Kemble, roused from his subject by the importunities
+      of the servant, replied, somewhat petulantly, "Tell your mistress I shall
+      not come, and, fellow, do you in future say '<i>tism</i>."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Among the party assembled on this occasion was the favoured son of
+      Esculapius, Sir W&mdash;&mdash; K&mdash;&mdash;, the secret of whose
+      elevation to the highest confidence of royalty is one of those mysteries
+      of the age which it is in vain to attempt to unravel, and which, perhaps,
+      cannot be known to more than two persons in existence: great and
+      irresistible, however, must that influence be, whether moral or physical,
+      which could obtain such dominion over the mind as to throw into the shade
+      the claims of rank and courtly <i>lions</i>, and place an humble disciple
+      of Esculapius on the very summit of royal favour. Of his gentlemanly and
+      amusing talents in society every one must speak in terms of the highest
+      praise, and equally flattering are the reports of his medical skill; but
+      many are the fleeting causes and conjectures assigned for his supremacy&mdash;reports
+      which may not be written here, lest I assist in the courtly prattle of
+      misrepresentation. Sir W&mdash;&mdash; was, I believe, the executor of an
+      old and highly-favoured confidential secretary; might not <i>certain
+      circumstances</i> arising out of that trust have paved the way to his
+      elevation? If the intense merits of the individual have raised him to the
+      dazzling <span class="pagenum">[301]</span>height, the world cannot value
+      them too highly, and sufficiently extol the discrimination of the first
+      sovereign and first gentleman of the age who could discover and reward
+      desert with such distinguished honour. But if his elevation is the result
+      of any sacrifice of principle, or of any courtly intrigue to remove a once
+      equally fortunate rival, and pave his path with gold, there are few who
+      would envy the favoured minion: against such suspicion, however, we have
+      the evidence of a life of honour, and the general estimation of society.
+      Of his predecessor, and the causes for his removal, I have heard some
+      curious anecdotes, but these you shall have when we meet. A very good
+      story is in circulation here among the court circle relative to the
+      eccentric Lady C&mdash;&mdash; L&mdash;&mdash;, and a young marchioness,
+      who, spite of the remonstrances of her friends and the general good taste
+      of the ladies in that particular, recently selected an old man for a
+      husband, in preference to a choice of at least twenty young and titled,
+      dashing <i>roués</i>: the whim and caprice of the former is notorious,
+      while the life and animation of the little marchioness renders her the
+      brightest star of attraction in the hemisphere of fashion. "I should like
+      to see Billingsgate, amazingly," said the marchioness to her eccentric
+      friend, while reading a humorous article on the subject in the Morning
+      Chronicle. "It must be entertaining to hear the peculiar phraseology and
+      observe the humorous vulgarities of these <i>naiades</i>, if one could do
+      so <i>incog</i>." "And why not, my dear?" said Lady C&mdash;&mdash;; "you
+      know there never was a female Quixote in existence among the petticoat
+      blue-stockings, from Lady Wortley Montague to Lady Morgan, who was more
+      deeply affected with the Tom and Jerry <i>mania</i> than I am: leave all
+      to me, and I'll answer for taking you there safely, enjoying the scene
+      securely, and escaping without chance of detection." With Lady <span
+      class="pagenum">[302]</span>C&mdash;&mdash; a whim of this description is
+      by no means unusual, and the necessary attendance of a confidential
+      servant to protect, in case of danger, a very essential personage. To this
+      Mercury, Lady C&mdash;&mdash; confided her plan; giving directions for the
+      completion of it on the morning of the morrow, and instructing him to
+      obtain disguises from his wife, who is an upper servant in the family, for
+      the use of the ladies. John, although perfectly free from any alarm on
+      account of Lady C&mdash;&mdash;, should the whim become known, was not so
+      easy in respect to the young and attractive marchioness, whose consort,
+      should any thing unpleasant occur, John wisely calculated, might interfere
+      to remove him from his situation. With this resolve he prudently
+      communicated the ladies' intention to a confidential friend of the
+      marquis, who, on receiving an intimation of their intentions, laughed at
+      the whim, and determined to humour the joke, by attending the place,
+      properly disguised, to watch at a distance the frolic of the ladies. The
+      next morning, at the appointed hour, the footman brought a hackney-coach
+      to the door, and the ladies were quickly conveyed to the scene of action,
+      followed (unknowingly) by the marquis and his friend. Here they amused
+      themselves for some time in walking about and observing the bustle and
+      variety of the, to them, very novel scene; soon, however, fatigued with
+      the mobbing, thrusting, and filthiness, which is characteristic of the
+      place, the marchioness was for returning, remarking to her friend that she
+      had as yet heard none of that singular broad humour for which these nymphs
+      of the fish-market were so celebrated. "Then you shall have a specimen
+      directly," said Lady C&mdash;&mdash;, "if I can provoke it; only prepare
+      your ethics and your ears for a slight shock; "and immediately approaching
+      an old fresh-water dragon, who sat behind an adjoining stall, with a
+      countenance spirited in the <span class="pagenum">[303]</span>extreme, and
+      glowing with all the beautiful varieties of the ultra-marine and
+      vermilion, produced by the all-potent properties of Hodge's full-proof,
+      she proceeded to cheapen the head and shoulders of a fine fish that lay in
+      front of her, forcing her fingers under the gills, according to the
+      approved custom of good housewives, to ascertain if it was fresh.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0017" id="Bimage-0017">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page303.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page303th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page303" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      After a parley as to price, Lady C&mdash;&mdash; hinted that she doubted
+      its being perfectly sweet: the very suspicion of vending an unsavoury
+      article roused the old she-dragon at once into one of the most terrific
+      passions imaginable, and directing all her ire against the ladies, she
+      poured forth a volley of abuse fiery and appalling as the lava of a
+      volcano, which concluded as follows.&mdash;"Not sweet, you &mdash;&mdash;,"
+      said the offended deity; "how can I answer for its sweetness, when you
+      have been tickling his gills with your stinking paws 1 " <i>(See Plate.)</i>
+      The marchioness retreated at the first burst of the storm, but Lady C&mdash;&mdash;continued
+      to provoke the old naiad of the shambles, till she had fully satisfied her
+      humour. Again safely escorted home by the liveried Mercury, the ladies
+      thought to have enjoyed their joke in perfect security; but what was their
+      astonishment, when on meeting the marquis and a select party at dinner, to
+      find the identical fish served up at their own table, and the marquis
+      amusing his friends by relating the whole circumstances of the frolic, as
+      having occurred to two ladies of distinction during the laughter-loving
+      days of Charles the Second. I need not animadvert upon the peculiar
+      situation of the ladies, who, blushing through a crimson veil of the
+      deepest hue, bore the raillery of the party assembled with as much good
+      sense as good nature; acknowledging the frolic, and joining in the laugh
+      the joke produced. Beneath, you have one of our facetious friend Bob
+      Transit's humorous sketches of an incident said to have occurred near B&mdash;&mdash;
+      H&mdash;&mdash;: in which an eccentric <span class="pagenum">[304]</span>lady
+      chose to call up the servants in the dead of the night, order out the
+      carriage, and mounting the box herself, insisted upon giving the footman,
+      who had been somewhat tardy in leaving his bed, a gentle airing in his
+      shirt.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0018" id="Bimage-0018">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page304.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page304 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Blink2H_4_0007" id="Blink2H_4_0007">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CHARACTERS ON THE BEACH AND STEYNE, BRIGHTON.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     <i>On Bathing and Bathers&mdash;Advantages of Shampooing&mdash;French
+     Decency&mdash;Brighton Politeness&mdash;Sketches of Character&mdash;The
+     Banker's Widow&mdash;Miss Jefferies&mdash;Mrs. F&mdash;&mdash;l&mdash;Peter
+     Paragraph, the London Correspondent&mdash;Jack Smith&mdash;The
+     French Consul&mdash;Paphian Divinities&mdash;C&mdash;&mdash; L&mdash;&mdash;, Esq.&mdash;
+     Squeeze into the Libraries&mdash;The new Plunging Bath&mdash;Chain
+     Pier&mdash;Cockney Comicalities&mdash;Royal Gardens&mdash;The Club House.</i>
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[305]</span>The next morning early I proceeded to
+      the beach to enjoy the delightful and invigorating pleasure of
+      sea-bathing. The clean pebble shore extending, as it does here, for a long
+      distance beneath the east cliff, is a great advantage to those who, from
+      indisposition or luxury, seek a dip in the ocean. One practice struck me
+      as being a little objectionable, namely, the machines of the males and
+      females being placed not only within sight of each other, but actually
+      close alongside; by which circumstance, the sportive nymphs sometimes
+      display more of nature's charms to the eager gaze of her wanton sons than
+      befits me to tell, or decency to dwell on. I could not, however, with all
+      the purity of my ethics, help envying a robust fellow who was assisting in
+      clucking the dear unencumbered creatures under the rising wave.{1}
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 Some of the female bathers are very adventurous, and from
+     the great drawback of water many accidents have occurred.
+     I was much amused one morning with three sisters, in the
+     machine adjoining mine, continually crying out to a male
+     attendant "to push on, and not be afraid of the
+     consequences; we can all swim well," said one of the Miss
+     B&mdash;&mdash;'s (well known as the <i>marine graces</i>). "But my machine
+     a'n't water-tight," replied the bathing-man, "and if I
+     trust it any farther in, I shall never be able to get it out
+     again." A Frenchman who came down to bathe with his wife and
+     sister insisted upon using the same machine with the ladies;
+     the bathing-women remonstrated, but <i>monsieur</i> retorted very
+     fairly thus&mdash;"<i>Mon dieu I vat is dat vat you tell me about
+     décence. Tromperie</i>&mdash;shall I no dip <i>mon femme a sour</i>
+     myself vith quite as much <i>bienséance</i> as dat vulgar brute
+     vat I see ducking de ladies yondere?"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[306]</span>The naiads of the deep are a strange
+      race of mortals, half fish and half human, with a masculine coarseness of
+      manner that, I am told, has been faithfully copied from their great
+      original, the once celebrated Martha Gun. It is not unusual for these
+      women to continue in the water up to their waists for four hours at a
+      time, without suffering the least affection of cold or rheumatism, and
+      living to a great age. A dingy empiric has invented a new system of <i>humbug</i>
+      which is in great repute here, and is called <i>shampooing</i>; a sort of
+      stewing alive by steam, sweetened by being forced through odoriferous
+      herbs, and undergoing the pleasant sensation of being dabbed all the while
+      with pads of flannels through holes in the wet blankets that surround you,
+      until the cartilaginous substances of your joints are made as pliable as
+      the ligaments of boiled calves' feet, your whole system relaxed and
+      unnerved, and your trembling legs as useless in supporting your body as a
+      pair of boots would be without the usual quantity of flesh and bone within
+      them. The Steyne affords excellent subject for the study of character, and
+      the pencil of the humorist; the walks round are paved with brick, which,
+      when the thermometer is something above eighty-six in the shade (the case
+      just now), is very like pacing your parched feet over the pantiles of a
+      Turkish stove. There is, indeed, a <span class="pagenum">[307]</span>grass-plot
+      within the rails, but the luxury of walking upon it is reserved for the
+      fishermen of the place exclusively, except on some extraordinary occasion,
+      when the whole rabble of the town are let loose to annoy the visitants by
+      puffing tobacco smoke in their faces, or jostling and insulting them with
+      coarse ribaldry, until the genteel and decent are compelled to quit the
+      promenade. I have had two or three such specimens of Brighton manners
+      while staying here, and could only wish I had the assistance of about
+      twenty of the <i>Oxford</i>togati<i>, Trinitarians, or Bachelors of
+      Brazennose. I think we should hit upon some expedient to tame these
+      brutes, and teach them civilized conduct&mdash;an Herculean labour which
+      the town authorities seem afraid to attempt. The easy distance between
+      this and the metropolis, with the great advantages of expeditious
+      travelling, enable the multitudinous population of London to pour forth
+      its motley groups, in greater variety than at any other watering place,
+      Margate excepted, with, however, this difference in favour of the former,
+      that the mixture had more of the sprinkling of fashion about them, here
+      and there a name of note, a splendid equipage, or a dazzling star, to
+      illumine the dull nomenclatures in the library books of the Johnson's, the
+      Thomson's, the Brown's, and the Levi's. The last-mentioned fraternity
+      congregate here in shoals, usurp all the best lodgings, at the windows of
+      which they are to be seen soliciting notice, with their hooked noses,
+      copper countenances, and inquisitive eyes, decked out in all the faded
+      finery of Petticoat-lane, or Bevis Marks; while the heads of the houses of
+      Israel run down on a Saturday, after the Stock Exchange closes, and often
+      do as much business here on the Sabbath, in gambling speculations for the
+      </i>account day<i>, as they have done all the week before in London. Here,
+      too, you have the felicity to meet your tailor in his tandem, your <span
+      class="pagenum">[308]</span>butcher on his </i>trotter<i>, your shoemaker
+      in a </i>fly<i>, and your wine-merchant with his bit of blood, his girl,
+      and tilbury, making a greater splash than yourself, and pleasantly
+      pointing you out to observation as a long-winded one, a great gambler, or
+      some other such gratuitous return for your ill-bestowed patronage. To
+      amalgamate with such </i>canaille<i> is impossible&mdash;you are therefore
+      driven into seclusion, or compelled to confine your visits and amusements
+      to nearly the same circle you have just left London to be relieved from.
+      Among the "observed" of the present time, the great star of attraction is
+      the rich Banker's widow, who occupies the corner house of the Grand
+      Parade, eclipsing in splendid equipages and attendants an Eastern nabob,
+      or royalty itself. Good fortune threw old Crony in my way, just as I had
+      caught a glimpse of the widow's cap: you know his dry sarcastic humour and
+      tenacious memory, and perhaps I ought to add, my inquisitive disposition.
+      From him I gleaned a sketch of the widow's history, adorned with a few
+      comments, which gallantry to the fair sex will not allow me to repeat. She
+      had just joined conversation with the Marquis of H&mdash;&mdash;, who was
+      attended by Jackson, the pugilist; an illustrious personage and a noble
+      earl were on her left; while behind the </i>jolie<i> dame, at a respectful
+      distance, paced two liveried emblems of her deceased husband's bounty,
+      clad in the sad habiliments of woe, and looking as merry as mutes at a
+      rich man's funeral. </i>(See Plate.)
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0019" id="Bimage-0019">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page308.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page308th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page308" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "She has the reputation of being very charitable," said I. "She has,"
+      responded Crony; "but the total neglect of poor Wewitzer, in the hour of
+      penury and sickness, is no proof of her feeling, much less of her
+      generosity. I have known her long," continued Crony, "from her earliest
+      days of obscurity and indigence to these of unexampled prosperity, and I
+      never could agree with common report in that particular." I dare say I
+      looked at this moment very <span class="pagenum">[309]</span>significantly;
+      for Crony, without waiting my request, continued his history. "Her father
+      was the gay and dissolute Jack Kinnear, well known in Dublin for his
+      eccentricities about the time of the Rebellion, in which affair he made
+      himself so conspicuous that he was compelled to expatriate, and fled to
+      England by way of Liverpool; where his means soon failing, Jack, never at
+      a loss, took up the profession of an actor, and succeeded admirably. His
+      animated style and attractive person are still spoken of with delight by
+      many of the old inhabitants of Carlisle, Rochdale, Kendal, and the
+      neighbouring towns of Lancashire, where he first made his appearance in an
+      itinerant company, then under the management of a man of the name of
+      Bibby, and in whose house, under very peculiar circumstances, our heroine
+      was born; but
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'Merit and worth from no condition rise;
+          Act well your part&mdash;there all the honour lies.'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[309]</span>That little Harriet was a child of much
+      promise there is no doubt, playing, in her mother's name, at a very early
+      period, all the juvenile parts in Bibby's company with great <i>éclat</i>
+      until she attained the age of eighteen, when her abilities procured her a
+      situation to fill the first parts in genteel comedy in the theatres-royal
+      Manchester and Liverpool. From this time her fame increased rapidly, which
+      was not a little enhanced by her attractive person, and consequent number
+      of admirers; for even among the cotton lords of Manchester a fine-grown,
+      raven-locked, black-eyed brunette, arch, playful, and clever, could not
+      fail to create sensations of desire: but at this time the affections of
+      the lady were fixed on a son of Thespis, then a member of the same
+      company, and to whom she was shortly afterwards betrothed; but the
+      marriage, from some capricious cause or other, was never consummated: the
+      actor, well-known as Scotch Grant, is now much reduced in life, and a
+      member of <span class="pagenum">[310]</span>one of the minor companies of
+      the metropolis. On her quitting Liverpool, in 1794, she played at the
+      Stafford theatre during the election contest, where, having the
+      good-fortune to form an intimacy with the Hortons, a highly-respectable
+      family then resident there, and great friends of Sheridan, they succeeded,
+      on the return of that gentleman to parliament for the borough of Stafford,
+      to obtain from him an engagement for our heroine at the theatre-royal
+      Drury Lane, of which he was at that time proprietor. 'Brevity is the soul
+      of wit,'" said Crony: "I shall not attempt to enumerate all the parts she
+      played there; suffice it to say, she was successful, and became a great
+      favourite with the public. It was here she first attracted the notice of
+      the rich old banker, who having just discarded another actress, Mrs. M&mdash;&mdash;r,
+      whom he had kept some time, on account of an intimacy he discovered with
+      the lady and P&mdash;&mdash;e, the oboe player, he made certain
+      propositions, accompanied with such liberal presents, that the fair
+      yielded to the all-powerful influence, not of love, but gold; and having,
+      through the interference of poor W&mdash;&mdash;, secured to herself a
+      settlement which made her independent for life, threw out the well-planned
+      story of the lottery ticket, as a 'tub to the whale': a stratagem that,
+      for some time, succeeded admirably, until a malicious wag belonging to the
+      company undertook to solve the riddle of her prosperity, by pretending to
+      bet a wager of one hundred, that the lady had actually gained twenty
+      thousand pounds by the lottery, and he would name the ticket: with this
+      excuse, for what otherwise might have been deemed impertinent, he put the
+      question, and out of the reply developed the whole affair. All London now
+      rung with the splendour of her equipage, the extent of her charities, and
+      the liberality of her conduct to an old actor and a young female friend,
+      Miss S&mdash;&mdash;n, who was invariably seen with <span class="pagenum">[311]</span>her
+      in public. Such was the notoriety of the intimacy, that the three married
+      daughters of the banker, all persons of title and the highest
+      respectability, thought it right to question their father, relative to the
+      truth of the reports in circulation. Whatever might have been their
+      apprehensions, their fears were quieted by the information, that the lady
+      in question was a natural daughter, born previous to the alliance to which
+      they owed their birth: this assurance not only induced the parties to
+      admit her to their presence, but she was also introduced to, and became
+      intimate with, the wife of the man to whom she owes her present good
+      fortune. It was now, that, feeling herself secure, she displayed that
+      capricious feeling which has since marked her character: poor W&mdash;&mdash;r,
+      her mentor and defender, was on some mere pretence abandoned, and a sturdy
+      blustering fellow, in the same profession, substituted for the sincere
+      adviser, the witty and agreeable companion: it was to R&mdash;&mdash;d she
+      sent a present of one thousand pounds, for a single ticket, on his benefit
+      night. But her ambition had not yet attained its highest point: the
+      banker's wife died, and our fortunate heroine was elected to her place
+      while yet the clay-cold corse of her predecessor remained above ground; a
+      circumstance, which brought down a heavy calamity on the clerical who
+      performed the marriage rites,{2} but which was remedied by an annuity from
+      the banker. From this period, the haughty bearing of the lady exceeded all
+      bounds; the splendour of her establishment, the extravagance of her
+      parties, and the munificence of her charities, trumpeted forth by that
+      many-tongued oracle, the public press, eclipsed the brilliancy of the
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     2 Saturnine B&mdash;&mdash;n, the author of 'the stage,' a Poem, on
+     hearing the day after her marriage with the banker, a
+     conversation relative to her age, said he was sure the
+     party were all in error, as there could be no doubt the lady
+     was on the previous night <i>under age</i>.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[312]</span>royal banquets, and outshone the
+      greatest and wealthiest of the stars of fashion. About this time, her
+      hitherto inseparable companion made a slip with a certain amorous manager;
+      and such was the indignation of our moral heroine on the discovery, that
+      she spurned the unfortunate from her for ever, and actually turned the
+      offending spark out of doors herself, accompanying the act with a very
+      unladylike demonstration of her vengeance. B&mdash;&mdash;d, her most
+      obsequious servant, died suddenly. Poor Dr. J&mdash;&mdash; A&mdash;&mdash;s,
+      who gave up a highly respectable and increasing practice, in Greek-street,
+      Soho, as a physician, to attend, exclusively, on the 'geud auld mon' and
+      his rib, met such a return for his kindness and attention, that he
+      committed suicide. Her next friend, a Mr. G&mdash;&mdash;n, a very
+      handsome young man, who was induced to quit his situation in the bank for
+      the office of private secretary, made a mistake one night, and eloped with
+      the female confidante of the banker's wife, a crime for which the
+      perpetrator could never hope to meet with forgiveness. It is not a little
+      singular," said Crony, "that almost all her intimate acquaintances have,
+      sooner or later, fallen into disrepute with their patroness, and felt how
+      weak is the reliance upon the capricious and the wayward." On the death of
+      the old banker, our heroine had so wheedled the dotard, that he left her,
+      to the surprise of the world, the whole of his immense property,
+      recommending only certain legacies, and leaving an honourable and
+      high-minded family dependent upon her bountiful consideration. "I could
+      relate some very extraordinary anecdotes arising out of that
+      circumstance," said Crony; "but you must be content with one, farcical in
+      the extreme, which fully displays the lady's affection for her former
+      profession, and shows she is a perfect mistress of stage effect. On the
+      removal of the shrivelled remains of the old dotard for interment, his
+      affectionate rib accompanied the <span class="pagenum">[313]</span>procession,
+      and when they rested for the night at an inn on the road, guarded them in
+      death as she had done in the close of life, by sleeping on a sofa in the
+      same room. Cruel, cruel separation! what a scene for the revival of 'grief
+      à la mode!' "But she is unhappy with all her wealth," said the cynic.
+      "Careless as some portion of our nobility are in their choice of
+      companions for their sports or pleasures, they have yet too much
+      consideration left of what is due to their rank, their wives, and
+      daughters, not to hesitate before they receive&mdash;&mdash;. But never
+      mind," said Crony; "you know the rest. You must have heard of a recent
+      calamity which threatened the lady; and on which that mad wag, John Bull,
+      let fly some cutting jokes. A very sagacious police magistrate,
+      accompanied by one of his <i>indefatigables</i>, went to <i>inspect the
+      premises</i>, accompanied by a gentleman of the faculty; but, after all
+      their united efforts to unravel the mystery, it turned out a mere <i>scratch</i>,
+      a very flat affair.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0020" id="Bimage-0020">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page313.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page313 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[314]</span>"I think," said Crony, "we have now
+      arrived at the ultimatum of the widow's history, and may as well take a
+      turn or two up the Steyne, to look out for other character. The ancient
+      female you perceive yonder, leaning on her tall gold-headed cane, is Miss
+      J&mdash;&mdash;s, a maid of honour to the late Queen Charlotte, and the
+      particular friend of Mrs. F&mdash;&mdash;l: said to be the only one left
+      out of eight persons, who accompanied two celebrated personages, many
+      years since, in a stolen matrimonial speculation to Calais.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      She is as highly respected as her friend Mrs. F&mdash;&mdash;l is beloved
+      here." "Who the deuce is that strange looking character yonder, enveloped
+      in a boat-cloak, and muffled up to the eyes with a black handkerchief?"
+      "That is a very important personage in a watering place, I assure you,"
+      replied Crony; "being no other than the celebrated Peter Paragraph, the
+      London correspondent to the Morning Post, who involves, to use his own
+      phrase, the whole hemisphere of fashion in his mystifications and reports:
+      informs the readers of that paper how many rays of sunshine have
+      exhilarated the Brightonians during the week, furnishes a correct journal
+      of fogs, rains, storms, shipwrecks, and hazy mists; and, above all,
+      announces the arrivals and departures, mixing up royal and noble
+      fashionables and <i>kitchen stuff'</i> in the same beautiful obscurity of
+      diction. Peter was formerly a <i>friseur</i>; but has long since quitted
+      the shaving and cutting profession for the more profitable calling of
+      collector of <i>on dits</i> and <i>puffs extraordinaire</i>. The
+      swaggering broad-shouldered blade who follows near him, with a
+      frontispiece like the red lion, is the well-known radical, Jack S&mdash;&mdash;h,
+      now agent to the French consul for this place, and the unsuccessful
+      candidate for the <i>independent</i> borough of Shoreham." "A complete
+      eccentric, by all my hopes of pleasure! Crony, who are those two dashing
+      divinities, who come tripping along so lively yonder?" "Daughters of <span
+      class="pagenum">[315]</span>pleasure," replied the cynic; "a pair of
+      justly celebrated paphians, west-end comets, who have come here, no doubt,
+      with the double view of profit and amusement. The plump looking dame on
+      the right, is Aug&mdash;ta C&mdash;ri, (otherwise lady H&mdash;&mdash;e);
+      so called after the P&mdash;n&mdash;ss A&mdash;&mdash;a, her godmamma. Her
+      father, old Ab&mdash;t, one of Q&mdash;&mdash;n C&mdash;&mdash;te's <i>original</i>
+      German pages, brought up a large family in respectability, under the
+      fostering protection of his royal mistress. Aug&mdash;&mdash;ta, at the
+      early age of fifteen, eloped from St. James's, on a matrimonial
+      speculation with a young musician, Mr. An&mdash;&mdash;y C&mdash;&mdash;,
+      (himself a boy of 18)! From such a union what could be expected? a mother
+      at 16, and a neglected dishonoured wife, before she had counted many years
+      of womanhood. If she fell an unresisting victim to the seduction which her
+      youth, beauty, and musical talents attracted, '<i>her stars were more to
+      blame than she.</i>' Let it be recorded, however, that her conduct as wife
+      and mother was free from reproach, until a <i>depraved, unnatural</i> man
+      (who by the way has since fled the country) set her the example of
+      licentiousness.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Amongst her earliest admirers, was the wealthy citizen, Mr. S&mdash;&mdash;
+      M&mdash;&mdash;, a bon vivant, a <i>five-bottle</i> man (who has, not
+      unaptly, been since nominated a representative in p&mdash;&mdash;l for one
+      of the <i>cinque ports</i>).
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      To this witty man's generous care she is indebted for an annuity, which,
+      with common prudence, ought to secure her from want during her own life.
+      On her departure from this lover, which proceeded entirely from her own
+      caprice and restless extravagance, the vain Aug&mdash;ta launched at once
+      into all the dangerous pleasures of a cyprian life. The court, the city,
+      and the <i>'change</i>, paid homage to her charms. One high in the r&mdash;&mdash;l
+      h&mdash;&mdash;h&mdash;&mdash;id wore her chains for many months; and it
+      was probably more in the spirit of revenge for open neglect, than
+      admiration of such a <span class="pagenum">[316]</span>faded beau, that
+      lady G&mdash;&mdash; B&mdash;&mdash; admitted the E&mdash;&mdash; of B&mdash;&mdash;e
+      to usurp the husband's place and privilege.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It is extraordinary that the circumstance just mentioned, which was
+      notorious, was not brought forward in mitigation of the damages for the
+      loss of conjugal joys; and which a jury of citizens, with a tender feeling
+      for their own honour, valued at ten thousand pounds. My lord G&mdash;&mdash;
+      B&mdash;&mdash; pocketed the injury and the ten thousand,; and his noble
+      substitute has since made the 'amende honorable' to public morals, by
+      uniting his destinies with an amiable woman, the daughter of a doctor of
+      music, and a beauty of the sister country, who does honour to the rank to
+      which she has been so unexpectedly elevated.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Mrs. C&mdash;&mdash;i had no acquaintance of her own sex in the world of
+      gaiety but one; the beautiful, interesting, Mademoiselle St. M&mdash;g&mdash;te,
+      then (1812 and 1813) in the zenith of her charms. The gentle Ad&mdash;l&mdash;de,
+      whose sylph-like form, graceful movements, and highly polished manner,
+      delighted all who knew her, formed a strange and striking contrast to the
+      short, fat, bustling, salacious Aug&mdash;ta, whose boisterous bon-mots,
+      and horse-laughical bursts, astonished rather than charmed. Both, however,
+      found abundance of admirers to their several tastes. It was early in the
+      spring of 1814 that the subject of this article had the good or evil
+      fortune to attract the eye of a noble lord of some notoriety, who pounced
+      on his plump prey with more of the amorous assurance of the bird of Jove
+      than the cautious hoverings of the wary H&mdash;ke. Love like his admitted
+      of no delay. Preliminaries were soon arranged, under the auspices of that
+      experienced matron, Madame D'E&mdash;v&mdash;e, whose address, in this
+      delicate negotiation, extorted from his lordship's generosity, besides a
+      cheque on H&mdash;&mdash;d and
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      G&mdash;bbs for a cool hundred, the payment of 'brother Martin's' old
+      score, of long standing, for bed and board at Madame's house of business,
+      little St. Martin's-<span class="pagenum">[317]</span>street. The public
+      have been amused with the ridiculous story of the mock marriage; but
+      whatever were his faults or follies, and he is since called to his
+      account, his l&mdash;ds&mdash;p stands guiltless of this. 'Tis true, her
+      'ladyship' asserted, nay, we believe, swore as much; but she is known to
+      possess such boundless imaginative faculties, that her nearest and dearest
+      friends have never yet been able to detect her in the weakness of uttering
+      a palpable truth. The assumption of the name and title arose out of a
+      circumstance so strange, so ridiculous, and so unsavoury, that, with all
+      our 'gusto' for fun, we must omit it: suffice it to say, that it
+      originated in&mdash;what?&mdash;gentle reader&mdash;in a dose of physic!!!
+      For further particulars, apply to Mrs. C&mdash;&mdash;l, of the C&mdash;s&mdash;le
+      S&mdash;t&mdash;h&mdash;ll. After this strange event, which imparted to
+      her ladyship all the honours of the coronet, Mrs. C&mdash;&mdash;i was to
+      be seen in the park, from day to day; the envy of every less fortunate
+      Dolly, and the horror of the few friends which folly left her lordly dupe.
+      In this state of doubtful felicity her ladyship rolled on (for she almost
+      lived in her carriage) for three years; when, alas! by some cruel caprice
+      of love, or some detected intrigue, or from the holy scruples of his
+      lordship's Reverend adviser, Padre Ambrosio, this connexion was suddenly
+      dissolved at Paris; when Mrs. C&mdash;&mdash;, no longer acknowledged as
+      my lady, was at an hour's notice packed off in the Dilly for Dover, and
+      her jewels, in half the time, packed up in their casket and despatched to
+      Lafitte's, in order to raise the ways and means for the peer and his
+      ghostly confessor!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Her ladyship's next attempt at notoriety was her grand masked ball at the
+      Argyll rooms in 1818; an entertainment which, for elegant display and
+      superior arrangement, did great credit to her taste, or to that of her
+      broad-shouldered Milesian friend, to whom it is said the management of the
+      whole was committed. The expense of this act of folly has been variously
+      <span class="pagenum">[318]</span>estimated; and the honour of defraying
+      it gratuitously allotted to an illustrious commander, whose former
+      weakness and culpability has been amply redeemed by years of truly r&mdash;&mdash;l
+      benevolence and public service. We can state, however, that neither the
+      purse or person of the royal D&mdash;&mdash;contributed to the <i>éclat</i>
+      of the <i>fête</i>. An amorous Hebrew city clerk, who had long '<i>looked
+      and loved</i>' at humble distance, taking advantage of his uncle's absence
+      on the continent in a <i>diamond hunting</i> speculation, having left the
+      immediate jewel of His soul, his cash, at home, the enamoured youth seized
+      the very 'nick o' time,' furnished half the funds for the night, for half
+      a morning's conversation in Upper Y&mdash;street: her ladyship's
+      indefatigable industry furnished the other moiety in a couple of days. A
+      Mr. Z&mdash;ch&mdash;y contributed fifty, which coming to the ears of his
+      sandy-haired lassie, his own paid forfeit of his folly, to their almost
+      total abstraction from the thick head to which they project with asinine
+      pride. Since this splash in the whirlpool of fashionable folly, her
+      'ladyship,' for she clings to the rank with all the tenacity of a fencible
+      field officer, has lived in comparative retirement near E&mdash;dg&mdash;e
+      R&mdash;d, nursing a bantling of the new era, and singing '<i>John
+      Anderson my Joe</i>' to her now 'gude man;' only occasionally relapsing
+      into former gaieties by a sly trip to Box Hill or Virginia Water with the
+      grandson of a barber, a flush but gawky boy, who, forgetting that it is to
+      the talents and judicial virtues of his honoured sire he owes his
+      elevation, rejects that proud and wholesome example; and, by his arrogance
+      and vanity, excites pity for the father and contempt for the son. Her
+      ladyship, who by her own confession has been 'just nine and twenty' for
+      the last ten years, may still boast of her conquests. Her amour with the
+      <i>yellow dwarf</i> of G&mdash;vs&mdash;r P&mdash;e is too good to be
+      lost. They are followed by one, who, time was, would have chased them
+      round the Steyne <span class="pagenum">[319]</span>and into cover with all
+      the spirit of a true sportsman; but his days of revelry are past,&mdash;that
+      is the celebrated <i>roué</i>, C&mdash;&mdash; L&mdash;&mdash;, a '<i>trifle
+      light as air,</i>' yet in nature's spite a very ultra in the pursuit of
+      gallantry. To record the number of frail fair ones to whose charms he
+      owned ephemeral homage would fill a volume. The wantons wife whose vices
+      sunk her from the drawing-room to the lobby; the{4} kitchen wench, whose
+      pretty face and lewd ambition raised her to it; the romance bewildered{5}
+      Miss, and the rude unlettered {6} villager, the hardened drunken
+      profligate, and the timid half-ruined victim (the almost infant Jenny!)
+      have all in turn tasted his bounty and his wine, have each been honoured
+      with a page in his trifles: of his caresses he wisely was more chary.
+      Which of the frail sisterhood has not had a ride in G&mdash;&mdash; L&mdash;&mdash;'s
+      worn out in the service 1 and which in its day might be said to roll
+      mechanically from C&mdash;&mdash;L&mdash;&mdash;to C&mdash;&mdash;s-s&mdash;t,
+      with almost instinctive precision. But his days of poesy and nights of
+      folly are now past!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Honest C&mdash;&mdash;has taken the hint from nature, and retired, at
+      once, from the republics of Venus and of letters. A kind, a generous, and
+      a susceptible heart like his must long ere this have found, in the arms of
+      an amiable wife, those unfading and honourable joys which, reflection must
+      convince him, were not to be extracted from those foul and polluted
+      sources from whence he sought and drew a short-lived pleasure."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      You know Crony's affection for a good dinner, and will not therefore be
+      surprised that I had the honour of his company this day; but i'faith he
+      deserved his reward for the cheerfulness and amusement with which he
+      contrived to kill time.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     3 Lady B&mdash;&mdash;e.
+
+     4 Mrs. H&mdash;&mdash;y.
+
+     5 Louisa V&mdash;&mdash;e.
+
+     6 Mrs. S&mdash;d&mdash;s.
+
+     7 Mrs. S&mdash;mm&mdash;ns.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[320]</span>In the evening it was proposed to visit
+      the libraries; but as these places of public resort are not always
+      eligible for the appearance of a star, Crony and myself were despatched
+      first to reconnoitre and report to the Countess our opinions of the
+      assembled group. The association of society has perhaps undergone a
+      greater change in England within the last thirty years than any other of
+      our peculiar characteristics; at least, I should guess so from Crony's
+      descriptions of the persons who formerly honoured the libraries with their
+      presence; but whose names (if they now condescend to subscribe) are
+      entered in a separate book, that they may not be defiled by appearing in
+      the same column with the plebeian host of the three nations who form the
+      united family of Great Britain. "Ay, sir," said Crony, with a sigh that
+      bespoke the bitterness of reflection, "I remember when this spot
+      (Luccombe's library) was the resort of all the beauty and brilliancy that
+      once illumined the hemisphere of Calton palace,&mdash;the satellites of
+      the heir apparent, the brave, the witty, and the gay,&mdash;the
+      soul-inspiring, mirthful band, whose talents gave a splendid lustre to the
+      orb of royalty, far surpassing the most costly jewel in his princely
+      coronet. But they are gone, struck to the earth by the desolating hand of
+      the avenger Death, and have left no traces of their genius upon the minds
+      of their successors."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Of the motley assemblage which now surrounds us it would be difficult to
+      attempt a picture. The pencil of a Cruikshank or a Rowlandson might indeed
+      convey some idea; but all weaker hands would find the subject
+      overpowering. A mob of manufacturers, melting hot, elbowing one another
+      into ill-humour, by their anxiety to teach their offspring the fashionable
+      vice of gaming; giving the pretty innocents a taste for <i>loo</i>, which
+      generally ends in <i>loo</i>-sening what little purity of principle the
+      prejudice of education has left upon their intellect. In our more
+      fashionable <i>hells</i>, wine and choice <i>liqueurs</i> are the
+      stimulants <span class="pagenum">[321]</span>to vice; here, the seduction
+      consists in the strumming of an ill-toned piano, to the squeaking of some
+      poor discordant whom poverty compels to public exposure; and who,
+      generally being of the softer sex, pity protects from the severity of
+      critical remark. I need not say our report to the Dalmaines was
+      unfavourable; and the divine little countess, frustrated in her intentions
+      of honouring the libraries with her presence, determined upon promenading
+      up the West Cliff, attended by old Crony and myself. The bright-eyed
+      goddess of the night emitted a ray of more than usual brilliancy, and o'er
+      the blue waters of the deep spread forth a silvery and refulgent lustre,
+      that lent a charm of magical inspiration to the rippling waves. For what
+      of nature's mighty works can more delight, than
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          '&mdash;&mdash;Circling ocean, when the swell
+          By zephyrs borne from off the main,
+          Heaves to the breeze, and sinks again?'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      The deep murmuring of the hollow surge as it rolls over the pebble beach,
+      the fresh current of saline air that braces and invigorates, and the
+      uninterrupted view of the watery expanse, are attractions of delight and
+      contemplation which are nowhere to be enjoyed in greater perfection than
+      at Brighton. The serenity of the evening induced us to pass the barrier of
+      the chain-pier, and bend our steps towards the projecting extremity of
+      that ingenious structure. An old Welsh harper was touching his instrument
+      with more than usual skill for an itinerant professor, while the plaintive
+      notes of the air he tuned accorded with the solemnity of the surrounding
+      scene. "I could pass an evening here," said the countess, in a somewhat
+      contemplative mood, "in the society of kindred spirits, with more
+      delightful gratification than among the giddy throng who meet at
+      Almack's." Crony bowed to the ground, overpowered by the <span
+      class="pagenum">[322]</span>compliment; while your humble servant, less
+      obsequious, but equally conscious of the flattering honour, advanced my
+      left foot sideways, drew up my right longitudinally, and touched my beaver
+      with a <i>congée</i>, that convinced me I had not forgotten the early
+      instructions of our old Eton posture-master, the all-accomplished Signor
+      Angelo. "A __wery hextonishing vurk, this here pier," said a fat, little
+      squab of a citizen, sideling up to Crony like a full-grown porpoise; "<i>wery
+      hexpensive</i>, and <i>wery huseless, I thinks</i>" continued the
+      intruder. Crony reared his crest in silent indignation, while his visage
+      betokened an approaching storm; but a significant look from the countess
+      gave him the hint that some amusement might be derived from the <i>animal</i>;
+      who, without understanding the contempt he excited, proceeded&mdash;"<i>Vun</i>
+      of the new <i>bubble</i> companies' <i>specks, I supposes, vat old daddy
+      Boreas vill blow avay sum night in a hurrikin</i>. It puts me <i>wery</i>
+      much in mind of a two bottle man." "Why so?" said Crony. "Bekause it's
+      only half seas <i>hover</i>." This little civic <i>jeu d'esprit</i> made
+      his peace with us by producing a hearty laugh, in which he did not fail to
+      join in unison. "But are you aware of the usefulness and national
+      importance of the projector's plans? said Crony. "Not I," responded the
+      citizen: "I hates all projections of breweries, bridges, buildings, and
+      boring companies, from the Golden-lane speck to the Vaterloo; from thence
+      up to the new street, and down to the tunnel under the Thames, vich my
+      banker, Sir William Curtis, says, is the greatest bore in London." "But
+      humanity, sir," said Crony, "has, I hope, some influence with you; and
+      this undertaking is intended not only for the healthful pleasure of the
+      Brighton visitors, but for the convenience of vessels in distress, and the
+      landing of passengers in bad weather." "Ay, there it is,&mdash;that's
+      hexactly vat I thought; to help our rich people more easily out of <span
+      class="pagenum">[323]</span>the country, and bring a set of poor
+      half-starved foreigners in: vy, I'm told it's to be carried right across
+      the channel in time, and then the few good ones ve have left vill be
+      marching off to the enemy." This conceit amused the countess exceedingly,
+      and was followed by many other equally strange expressions and
+      conjectures; among which, Crony contrived to persuade him that great
+      amusement was to be derived in bobbing for mackerel and turbot with the
+      line: a pleasure combining so much of profit in expectancy that the old
+      citizen was, at last, induced to admit the utility of the chain-pier.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Retracing our steps towards the Steyne, we had one more good laugh at our
+      companion's credulity, who expressed great anxiety to know what the huge
+      wheel was intended for, which is at the corner by the barrier, and throws
+      up water for the use of the town; but which, Crony very promptly assured
+      him, was the grand action of the improved roasting apparatus at the York
+      hotel. We now bade farewell to our amusing companion, and proceeded to
+      view the new plunging bath at the bottom of East-street, built in the form
+      of an amphitheatre, and surrounded by dressing-rooms, with a fountain in
+      the centre, from which a continued supply of salt-water is obtained. The
+      advantages may be great in bad weather; but to my mind there is nothing
+      like the open sea, particularly as confined water is always additionally
+      cold. On our arrival at home, a parcel from London brought the enclosed
+      from Tom Echo, upon whom the sentence of rustication has, I fear, been
+      productive of fresh follies.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0021" id="Bimage-0021">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page323.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page323th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page323" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Dear Heartily,
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Having cut college for a <i>bolt</i> to the <i>village</i>,{8} I expected
+      to have found you in the <i>bay of condolence</i>,{9} but hear you left
+      your <i>moorings</i> lately
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     8 London, so called at Oxford.
+
+     9 The consolation afforded by friends when <i>plucked</i> or
+     rusticated.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[324]</span>to <i>waste the ready</i> among the <i>sharks</i>
+      at Brighton. Though not quite at <i>point nonplus</i>, I am very near the
+      <i>united kingdoms</i> of <i>Sans Souci and Sans Sixsous</i>,{10} and
+      shall bring to, and wait for company, in the province of Bacchus. I have
+      only just quitted <i>Æager Haven</i>, and been very near the <i>Wall</i>{11};
+      have sustained another dreadful fire from <i>Convocation Castle,</i>{12}
+      which had nigh shattered my <i>fore-lights</i>, and was very near being <i>blown
+      up</i> in attempting to pass the <i>Long Hope</i>.{13} If you wish to save
+      an old Etonian from <i>east jeopardy</i>,{14} set sail directly, and tow
+      me out of the <i>river Tick</i> into the <i>region of rejoicing</i>; then
+      will we get <i>bosky</i> together, sing old songs, tell merry tales, and
+      <i>spree</i> and <i>sport</i> on the <i>states of Independency</i>.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Yours truly,
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The <i>Oxford rustic</i>,
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      London.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      TOM ECHO.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      P. S. I should not have cut so suddenly, but joined Bob Transit and
+      Eglantine in giving two of the old big wigs a flying leap t'other evening,
+      as they left Christ Church Hall, in return for rusticating me:&mdash;to
+      escape suspicion, broke away by the mail. I know your affection for a good
+      joke, so induced Bob to book it, and let me have the sketch, which I here
+      enclose.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     10  Riddance of cares, and, ultimately, of sixpences.
+
+     11  The depot of invalids; Dr. Wall being a celebrated
+     surgeon, whose skill is proverbial in the cure of the
+     Headington or Bagley fever. For a view of poor Tom during
+     his suffering&mdash;<i>(see plate by Bob Transit.)</i>
+
+     12  The House of Convocation in Oxford, when the twenty-five
+     heads of Colleges and the masters meet to transact and
+     investigate university affairs.
+
+     13  The symbol of long expectation in studying for a degree.
+
+     14  Terrors of anticipation. The remaining phrases have all
+     been explained in an earlier part of the Work.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[325]</span> <a name="Bimage-0022" id="Bimage-0022">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page325.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page325 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      Mad as the D'Almaine's must think me for obeying such a summons, I have
+      just bade them adieu, and am off to-morrow, by the earliest coach, for
+      London. The only place I have omitted to notice, in my sketches of
+      Brighton, is the Club House on the Steyne Parade, where a few <i>old rooks</i>
+      congregate, to keep a sharp look-out for an unsuspecting <i>green one</i>,
+      or a wealthy <i>pigeon</i>, who, if once <i>netted</i>, seldom succeeds in
+      quitting the trap without being plucked of a few of his feathers. The
+      greatest improvement to a place barren of foliage and the agreeable
+      retirement of overshadowed walks, is the Royal Gardens, on the level at
+      the extremity of the town, in a line with the Steyne enclosures as you
+      enter from the London road. The taste, variety, and accommodation
+      displayed in this elegant place of amusement, renders it certainly the
+      most attractive of public gardens, while the arrangements are calculated
+      to gratify all <span class="pagenum">[326]</span>classes of society
+      without the danger of too crowded an assemblage. Let us see you when term
+      ends; and in the interim expect a long account of sprees and sports in the
+      village.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Horatio Heartly.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0023" id="Bimage-0023">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page326.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page326 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Blink2H_4_0008" id="Blink2H_4_0008">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      METROPOLITAN SKETCHES.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     <i>Heartly, Echo, and Transit start for a Spree&mdash;Scenes by
+     Daylight, Starlight, and Gaslight&mdash;Black Mon-day at
+     Tattersall's&mdash;The first Meeting after the Great St. Leger&mdash;
+     Heroes of the Turf paying and receiving&mdash;Dinner at
+     Fishmongers' Hall&mdash;Com-mittee of Greeks&mdash;The Affair of the
+     Cogged Dice&mdash;A regular Break-down&mdash;Rules for the New Club&mdash;
+     The Daffy Club, or a musical Muster of the Fancy: striking
+     Portraits&mdash;Counting the Stars&mdash;Covent Garden, what it was,
+     and what it is&mdash;The Finish&mdash;Anecdotes of Characters&mdash;The
+     Hall of Infamy, alias the Covent Garden Hell.</i>
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Of all the scenes where rich and varied character is to be found in the
+      metropolis and its environs, none can exceed that emporium for sharps and
+      flats, famed Tattersall's, whether for buying a good horse, betting a
+      round sum, or, in the sporting phrase, learning how to make the best of
+      every thing. "Shall we take a <i>tooddle</i> up to Hyde-park corner?" said
+      Echo; "this is the settling day for all bets made upon the great Doncaster
+      St. Léger, when the <i>swells book up</i>, and the knowing ones <i>draw</i>
+      their <i>bussel</i>:&mdash;<i>Black</i> Monday, as Sir John Lade terms it,
+      when the event has not come off right." "A noble opportunity," replied
+      Transit, "for a picture of turf curiosities. Come, Heartly, throw
+      philosophy aside, and let us set forth for a day's enjoyment, and then to
+      finish with a night of frolic. An occasional spree is as necessary to the
+      relaxation of the mind, as exercise is to <span class="pagenum">[328]</span>ensure
+      health. The true secret to make life pleasant, and study profitable, is to
+      be able to throw off our cares as we do our morning gowns, and, when we
+      sally forth to the world, derive fresh spirit, vigour, and information
+      from cheerful companions, good air, and new objects. High 'Change among
+      the heroes of the turf presents ample food for the humorist; while the
+      strange contrast of character and countenance affords the man of, feeling
+      and discernment subject for amusement and future contemplation." It was in
+      the midst of one of the most numerous meetings ever remembered at
+      Tattersall's, when Barefoot won the race, contrary to the general
+      expectation of the knowing ones, that we made our <i>entré</i>. With Echo
+      every sporting character was better known than his college tutor, and not
+      a few kept an eye upon the boy, with hopes, no doubt, of hereafter
+      benefiting by his inexperience, when, having got the whip-hand of his
+      juvenile restrictions, he starts forth to the world a man of fashion and
+      consequence, with an unencumbered property of fifteen thousand per annum,
+      besides expectancies. "Here's a game of chess for you, Transit," said
+      Echo; "why, every move upon the board is a character, and not one but what
+      is worth booking. Observe the arch slyness of the jockey yonder,
+      ear-wigging his patron, a young blood of the fancy, into a <i>good thing</i>;
+      particularising all the capabilities and qualities of the different horses
+      named, and making the event (in his own estimation) as <i>sure as the Bank
+      of England</i>:&mdash;how finely contrasted with the easy indifference of
+      the dignified sportsman near him, who leaves all to chance, spite of the
+      significant nods and winks from a regular <i>artiste</i> near him, who
+      never suffers him to make a bet out of the ring, if it is possible to
+      prevent him, by throwing in a little suspicion, in order that he and his
+      friends may have the plucking of their victim exclusively. The
+      portly-looking man in the left-hand corner <i>(see <span class="pagenum">[329]</span>plate)</i>
+      is Mr. Tanfield, one of the greatest betting men on the turf; who can lose
+      and pay twenty thousand without moving a muscle, and pocket the like sum
+      without indulging in a smile; always steady as old Time, and never giving
+      away a chance, but carefully keeping his eye upon Cocker (i. e. his book),
+      to see how the odds stand, and working away by that system which is well
+      understood under the term management. In front of him is the sporting Earl
+      of Sefton, and that highly-esteemed son of Nimrod, Colonel Hilton Joliffe,&mdash;men
+      of the strictest probity, and hence often appointed referees on matters in
+      dispute.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0024" id="Bimage-0024">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page329.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page329th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page329" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Lawyer L&mdash;&mdash;, and little Wise-man, are settling their
+      differences with <i>bluff</i> Bland, who carries all his bets in his
+      memory till he reaches home, because a book upon the spot would be
+      useless. In the right-hand corner, just in front of old General B&mdash;&mdash;n,
+      is John Gully, once the pugilist, but now a man of considerable property,
+      which has been principally acquired by his knowledge of calculation, and
+      strict attention to honourable conduct: there are few men on the turf more
+      respected, and very few among those who keep <i>betting</i> books whose
+      conduct will command the same approbation. The old beau in the corner is
+      Sir Lumley S&mdash;&mdash;n, who, without the means to bet much, still
+      loves to linger near the scene of former extravagance." "A good disciple
+      of Lavater," said Transit, "might tell the good or ill fortunes of those
+      around him, by a slight observance of their countenances. See that
+      merry-looking, ruby-faced fellow just leaving the door of the
+      subscription-room: can any body doubt that he has <i>come off all right</i>?&mdash;or
+      who would dispute that yon pallid-cheeked gentleman, with a long face and
+      quivering lip, betrays, by the agitation of his nerves, the extent of his
+      sufferings? The peer with a solemn visage tears out his last check, turns
+      upon his heel, whistles a tune, and sets against the gross amount of his
+      losses another mortgage of <span class="pagenum">[330]</span>the family
+      acres, or a <i>post obit</i> upon some expectancy: the regular sporting
+      man, the out and outer, turns to his book&mdash;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'For there he finds, <i>no matter who has won</i>,{1}
+          Whichever animal, or mare, or colt;
+          Nay, though each horse that started for't should bolt,
+          Or all at once fall lame, or die, or stray,
+          He yet must pocket hundreds by the day.'"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Two or three amusing scenes took place among those who wanted, and those
+      who had nothing to give, but yet were too honourable to <i>levant</i>:
+      many exhibited outward and visible signs of inward grief. A man of metal
+      dropped his last sovereign with a sigh, but chafed a little about false
+      reports of chaunting up a losing horse, doing the <i>thing neatly</i>,
+      keeping the secret, and other such like delicate innuendoes, which among
+      sporting men pass current, provided the losers pay promptly. Several, who
+      had gone beyond their depth, were recommended to the consideration of the
+      humane, in hopes that time might yet bring them about. We had now passed
+      more than two hours among the motley group, when Tom, having exchanged the
+      time o'day with most of his sporting friends, proposed an adjournment to
+      <i>Fishmongers' Hall</i>, or, as he prefaced it, with a visit to the New
+      Club in St. James's-street; to which resort of Greeks and gudgeons we
+      immediately proceeded.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0025" id="Bimage-0025">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page331.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page331th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page331" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We had just turned the corner of St. James's-street, and were preparing to
+      ascend the steps which lead to the New Club, as Crockford's establishment
+      is termed, when old Crony accosted me.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 To all but betting men, this must appear impossible; but
+     management is every thing; and with a knowledge of the
+     secret, according to turf logic, it is one hundred to one
+     against calculation, and, by turf mathematics, five hundred
+     to one against any event coming right upon the square. In
+     the sporting phrase, 'turf men never back any thing to win;'
+     they have no favourites, unless there is a X; and their
+     common practice is to accommodate all, by taking the odds,
+     till betting is reduced to a <i>certainty</i>.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[331]</span>He had it seems come off by the Brighton
+      ten o'clock coach, and was now, "according to his usual custom i' the
+      afternoon," on the look-out for an <i>invite</i> to a good dinner and a
+      bottle. As I knew he would prove an agreeable, if not a very useful
+      companion in our present enterprise, I did not hesitate to present him to
+      Echo and Transit, who, upon my very flattering introduction, received him
+      graciously; although Bob hinted he was rather <i>too old</i> for a <i>play-fellow</i>,
+      and Echo whispered me to keep a <i>sharp lookout</i>, as he strongly
+      suspected he was a <i>staff officer</i> of the <i>new Greek corps of
+      Sappers and Miners</i>. In London you can neither rob nor be robbed
+      genteelly without a formal introduction: how Echo had contrived it I know
+      not, but we were very politely ushered into the grand club-room, a
+      splendid apartment of considerable extent, with a bow-window in front,
+      exactly facing White's.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      To speak correctly of the elegance and taste displayed in the decorations
+      and furniture, not omitting the costly sideboard of richly-chased plate, I
+      can only say it rivalled any thing I had ever before witnessed, and was
+      calculated to impress the young mind with the most extravagant ideas of
+      the wealth and magnificence of the members or <i>committee</i>. The
+      Honourable Mr. B&mdash;&mdash;, one of the brothers of the Earl of R&mdash;&mdash;,
+      was the <i>procureur</i> to whom, I found, we were indebted, for the
+      present <i>honour</i>&mdash;a gay man, of some fashionable notoriety,
+      whose fortune is said to have suffered severely by his attachment to the
+      <i>orthodox orgies</i> at the once celebrated Gothic Hall, when Parson
+      John Ambrose used to officiate as the presiding minister. "Here he is a
+      member of the committee," said Crony, "and, with his brother and the old
+      Lord F&mdash;&mdash;, the Marquis H&mdash;&mdash;, Colonel C&mdash;&mdash;,
+      and the Earl of G&mdash;&mdash;, forms the <i>secret directory</i> of the
+      New Club, which is considered almost as good a thing as a Mexican mine;
+      for, if report speaks truly, the amount <span class="pagenum">[332]</span>of
+      the profits in the last season exceeded one hundred thousand pounds, after
+      payment of expenses." A sudden crash in the street at this moment drew the
+      attention of all to the window, where an accident presented a very ominous
+      warning to those within <i>(see plate)</i>. "A regular break down," said
+      Echo. "<i>Floored</i>" said Transit, "<i>but not much the matter</i>." "I
+      beg your pardon, sir," said a wry-mouthed portly-looking gentleman, who
+      stood next to Bob; "it is a very <i>awkward</i> circumstance to have
+      occurred just here: I'll bet ten to one it spoils all the <i>play</i>
+      to-night; and if any of those newspaper fellows get to hear of it, <i>Fishmongers'
+      Hall</i> and its members will figure in print again to-morrow;" and with
+      that he bustled off to the street to assist in re-producing a <i>move</i>
+      with all possible celerity. "Who the deuce was the queer-looking <i>cawker</i>?"
+      we all at once inquired of Crony. "What, gentlemen! not know the
+      director-general, the accomplished commander-in-chief, the thrice-renowned
+      Cocker Crockford? (so named from his admirable tact at calculation): why,
+      I thought every one who had witnessed a horse-race, or a boxing-match, or
+      betted a guinea at Tattersall's, must have known the <i>director</i>, who
+      has been a notorious character among the sporting circles for the last
+      thirty years: and, if truth be told, is not the worst of a bad lot. About
+      five-and-twenty years since I remember him," said Crony, "keeping a snug
+      little fishmonger's shop, at the corner of Essex-street, in the Strand,
+      where I have often betted a guinea with him on a trotting match, for he
+      was then fond of <i>the thing</i>, and attended the races and fights in
+      company with old Jerry Cloves, the lighterman, who is now as well <i>breeched</i>
+      as himself. It is a very extraordinary fact," continued Crony, "and one
+      which certainly excites suspicion, that almost all those who have made
+      large fortunes by the turf or play are men of obscure origin, who, but a
+      few years since, were not worth a guinea, <span class="pagenum">[333]</span>while
+      those by whom they have risen are now reduced to beggary." How many
+      representatives of noble houses, and splendid patrimonies, handed down
+      with increasing care from generation, to generation, have been ruined and
+      dissipated by this pernicious vice! &mdash;the gay and inexperienced
+      nipped in the very bud of life, and plunged into irretrievable misery&mdash;while
+      the high-spirited and the noble-minded victims to false honour, too often
+      seek a refuge from despair in the grave of the suicide! Such were the
+      reflections that oppressed my mind while contemplating the scene before
+      me: I was, however, roused from my reverie by Crony's continuation of the
+      <i>director's</i> history. "He bears the character of an honourable man,"
+      said our Mentor, "among the play world, and has the credit of being
+      scrupulously particular in all matters of play and pay. For the fashion of
+      his manners, they might be much improved, certainly; but for generosity
+      and a kind action, there are very few among the <i>Greeks</i> who excel
+      the old fishmonger. He was formerly associated with T&mdash;l-r and others
+      in the French Hazard Bank, at Watier's Club House, corner of Bolton-row;
+      but T&mdash;l-r, having purchased the house without the knowledge of his
+      partners, wanted so many exclusive advantages for himself, that the
+      director withdrew, just in time to save himself from the obloquy of an
+      affair which occurred shortly afterwards, in which certain persons were
+      charged with using false dice. The complainant, a young sprig of fashion,
+      seized the <i>unhallowed bones</i>, and bore them off in triumph to a
+      stick shop in the neighbourhood; where, for some time afterwards, they
+      were exhibited to the gaze of many a fashionable dupe. The circumstance
+      produced more than one good effect&mdash;it prevented a return of any
+      disposition to play on the part of the detector, and closed the house for
+      ever since." After the dinner, which was served up in a princely style, we
+      were invited by the Honourable to <span class="pagenum">[334]</span>view
+      the upper apartment, called the Grand Saloon, a true picture of which
+      accompanies this, from the pencil of my friend, Bob Transit, and into
+      which he has contrived to introduce the affair of the cogged dice <i>(see
+      plate)</i>, a licence always allowable to poets and painters in the union
+      of time and place. The characters here will speak for themselves.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0026" id="Bimage-0026">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page335.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page335th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page335" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      They are all sketches from the life, and as like the originals as the
+      reflection of their persons would be in a looking-glass. By the
+      frequenters of such places they will be immediately recognised; while to
+      the uninitiated the family cognomen is of little consequence, and is
+      omitted, as it might give pain to worthy bosoms who are not yet
+      irrecoverably lost. By the strict rules of <i>Fishmongers' Hall</i>, the
+      members of Brookes', White's, Boodle's, the Cocoa Tree, Alfred and
+      Travellers' clubs only are admissible; but this restriction is not always
+      enforced, particularly where there is a chance of a <i>good bite</i>. The
+      principal game played here is French Hazard, the director and friends
+      supplying the bank, the premium for which, with what the box-money
+      produces, forms no inconsiderable source of profit. It is ridiculous to
+      suppose any unfair practices are ever resorted to in the general game; in
+      a mixed company they would be easily detected, and must end in the ruin of
+      the house: but the chances of the game, calculation, and superior play,
+      give proficients every advantage, and should teach the inexperienced
+      caution. "It is heart-rending," said Crony, whom I had smuggled into one
+      corner of the room, for the purpose of enjoying his remarks free from
+      observation, "to observe the progress of the unfortunate votaries to this
+      destructive vice, as they gradually proceed through the various stages of
+      its seductive influence. The young and thoughtless are delighted with the
+      fascination of the scene: to the more profligate sensualist it affords an
+      opportunity of enjoying the choicest <i>liqueurs</i>, coffee, and wines,
+      <span class="pagenum">[335]</span>free of expense; and, although he may
+      have no money to lose himself, he can do the house a <i>good turn</i>, by
+      introducing some <i>pigeon</i> who has <i>just come out</i>; and he is
+      therefore always a welcome visitor. At Crockford's, all games where the
+      aid of mechanism would be necessary are cautiously avoided, not from any
+      moral dislike to <i>Rouge et Noir or Roulette</i>, but from the
+      apprehension of an occasional visit from the police, and the danger
+      attending the discovery of such apparatus, which, from its bulk, cannot
+      easily be concealed. In the space of an hour Echo had lost all the money
+      he possessed, and had given his I O U for a very considerable sum;
+      although frequently urged to desist by Transit, who, with all his love of
+      life and frolic, is yet a decided enemy to gaming. One excess generally
+      leads to another. From Tattersall's we had passed to Crockford's; and on
+      quitting the latter it was proposed we should visit Tom Belcher's, the
+      Castle Tavern, Holborn, particularly as on this night there was a weekly
+      musical muster of the <i>fancy</i>, yclept the <i>Daffy Club</i>; a scene
+      rich in promise for the pencil of our friend Bob, of sporting information
+      to Echo, and full of characteristic subject for the observation of the
+      English Spy&mdash;of that eccentric being, of whom, I hope, I may continue
+      to sing '<i>esto perpétua</i>!'
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Life is, with him, a golden dream,
+          A milky way, where all's serene.
+          Wit's treasured stores his humour wait,&mdash;
+          His volume, man in every state,&mdash;
+          From grave to gay, from rich to poor,
+          From gilded dome to rustic door.
+          Through all degrees life's varied page,
+          He shows the manners of the age.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      The Daffy Club presents to the eye of a calm observer a fund of
+      entertainment; to the merry mad-wag who is fond of <i>life</i>, blowing
+      his <i>steamer</i>, and drinking <i>blue ruin</i>, until all is blue
+      before him, a <span class="pagenum">[336]</span>source of infinite
+      amusement; the convivial finds his antidote to the rubs and jeers of this
+      world in a rum chaunt; while the out and outer may here open his mag-azine
+      of tooth-powder, cause a grand explosion, and never fear to meet a
+      broadside in return. The knowing cove finds his account in looking out for
+      the green ones, and the greens find their head sometimes a little heavier,
+      and their pockets lighter, by an accidental rencontre with the fancy. To
+      see the place in perfection, a stranger should choose the night previous
+      to some important mill, when our host of the Castle plays second, and all
+      the lads are mustered to <i>stump up</i> their blunt, or to catch the
+      important <i>whisper</i> where the <i>scene of action</i> is likely to be
+      (for there is always due caution used in the disclosure), to take a peep
+      at the pugilists present, and trot off as well satisfied as if he had
+      partaken of a splendid banquet with the Great Mogul.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The long room is neatly fitted up, and lighted with gas; and the numerous
+      sporting subjects, elegantly framed and glazed, have rather an imposing
+      effect upon the entrance of the visitor, and among which may be recognised
+      animated likenesses of the late renowned Jem Belcher, and his daring
+      competitor (that inordinate glutton) Burke. The fine whole-length portrait
+      of Mr. Jackson stands between those of the Champion and Tom Belcher; the
+      father of the present race of boxers, old Joe Ward; the Jew phenomenon,
+      Dutch Sam; Bob Gregson, in water colours, by the late John Emery, of
+      Covent Garden theatre; the scientific contest between Humphreys and
+      Mendoza; also the battle between Crib and Jem Belcher; a finely executed
+      portrait of the late tremendous Molineux; portraits of Gulley, Randall,
+      Harmer, Turner, Painter, Tom Owen, and Scroggins, with a variety of other
+      subjects connected with the turf, chase, &amp;c, including a good likeness
+      of the dog Trusty, the champion of the canine race in fifty battles, and
+      the favourite <span class="pagenum">[337]</span>animal of Jem Belcher, the
+      gift of Lord Camelford&mdash;the whole forming a characteristic trait of
+      the sporting world. The long table, or the ring, as it is facetiously
+      termed, is where the <i>old slanders</i> generally perch themselves to
+      receive the visits of the swells, and give each other the office relative
+      to passing events: and what set of men are better able to speak of society
+      in all its various ramifications, from the cabinet-counsellor to the <i>cosey
+      costermonger</i>? Jemmy Soares, the president, must be considered a <i>downy
+      one</i>; having served five apprenticeships to the office of sheriffs
+      representative, and is as good a fellow in his way as ever <i>tapped a shy
+      one</i> upon the shoulder-joint, or let fly a <i>ca sa</i> at your goods
+      and chattels. Lucky Bob is a fellow of another stamp, "a <i>nation good
+      vice</i>" as ever was attached to the house of <i>Brunswick</i>. Then
+      comes our host, a civil, well-behaved man, without any of the exterior
+      appearance of the ruffian, or perhaps I should say of his profession, and
+      with all the good-natured qualifications for a peaceable citizen, and an
+      obliging, merry landlord: next to him you will perceive the <i>immortal
+      typo</i>, the all-accomplished Pierce Egan; an eccentric in his way, both
+      in manner and person, but not deficient in that peculiar species of wit
+      which fits him for the high office of historian of the ring. The ironical
+      praise of Blackwood he has the good sense to turn to a right account,
+      laughs at their satire, and pretends to believe it is all meant in <i>right-down
+      earnest</i> approbation of his extraordinary merits. For a long while
+      after his great instructor's neglect of his friends, Pierce kept
+      undisturbed possession of the throne; but recently competitors have shown
+      themselves in the field <i>well found</i> in all particulars, and carrying
+      such witty and weighty ammunition wherewithal, that they more than
+      threaten "to push the hero from his stool."{1} Tom 1 The editors of the
+      Annals of Sporting, and Bell's Life in London, are both fellows of
+      infinite wit.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[338]</span>Spring, who is fond of <i>cocking</i> as
+      well as fighting, is seen with his bag in the right-hand corner, chaffing
+      with the Duck-lane doss man; while Lawyer L&mdash;&mdash;e, a true
+      sportsman, whether for the turf or chase, is betting the odds with brother
+      Adey, Greek against Greek. Behind them are seen the heroes Scroggins and
+      Turner; and at the opposite end of the table, a Wake-ful one, but a
+      grosser man than either, and something of the <i>levanter</i>: the
+      bald-headed stag on his right goes by the quaint cognomen of the <i>Japan
+      oracle</i>, from the retentive memory he possesses on all sporting and
+      pugilistic events. The old waiter is a picture every frequenter will
+      recognise, and the smoking a dozer no unusual bit of a spree. Here, my
+      dear Bernard, you have before you a true portrait of the celebrated
+      Daffy{2} Club, done from the life by our
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     2 The great lexicographer of the fancy gives the following
+     definition of the word Daffy. The phrase was coined at
+     the mint of the Fancy, and has since passed current without
+     ever being overhauled as queer. The Colossus of
+     Literature, after all his nous and acute researches to
+     explain the synonyms of the English language, does not
+     appear to have been down to the interpretation of Daffy; nor
+     indeed does Bailey or Sheridan seem at all fly to it; and
+     even slang Grose has no touch of its extensive
+     signification. The squeamish Fair One who takes it on the
+     sly, merely to cure the vapours, politely names it to her
+     friends as White Wine. The Swell chaffs it as Blue Ruin,
+     to elevate his notions. The Laundress loves dearly a drain
+     of Ould Tom, from its strength to comfort her inside. The
+     drag Fiddler can toss off a quartern of Max without making a
+     wry mug. The Costermonger illumines his ideas with a
+     flash of lightning.' The hoarse Cyprian owes her existence
+     to copious draughts of Jacky. The Link-boy and Mud Larks,
+     in joining their browns together, are for some Stark Naked.
+     And the Out and Outers, from the addition of bitters to it,
+     in order to sharpen up a dissipated and damaged Victualling
+     Office, cannot take any thing but Fuller's Earth. Much it
+     should seem, therefore, depends upon a name; and as a soft
+     sound is at all times pleasing to the listener&mdash;to have
+     denominated this Sporting Society the Gin Club would not
+     only have proved barbarous to the ear, but the vulgarity of
+     the chant might have deprived it of many of its elegant
+     friends. It is a subject, however, which it must be
+     admitted has a good deal of Taste belonging to it&mdash;and as a
+     Sporting Man would be nothing if he was not flash, the Daffy
+     Club meet under the above title.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[339]</span>mutual friend, Bob Transit (see plate),
+      in closing my account of which I have only to say, we were not
+      disappointed in our search after variety, and came away high in spirits,
+      and perfectly satisfied with the good-humour and social intercourse of our
+      eccentric associates.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0027" id="Bimage-0027">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page339.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page339th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page339" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The sad, the sober, and the sentimental were all gone to roost, before our
+      merry trio sallied forth from the Castle Tavern, ripe for any sport or
+      spree. Of all the bucks in this buckish age, your London buck is the only
+      true fellow of spirit; with him life never begins too early, or finishes
+      too late; how many of the west-end <i>roués</i> ride twenty miles out, in
+      a cold morning, to meet the hounds, and after a hard day's run mount their
+      hack and ride twenty miles home to have the pleasure of enjoying their own
+      fire-side, or of relating the hair-breadth perils and escapes they have
+      encountered, to their less active associates at Long's or Stevens's, the
+      Cider Cellar, or the Coal-hole! The general introduction of gas throws too
+      clear a light upon many dark transactions and midnight frolics to allow
+      the repetition of the scenes of former times: here and there to be sure an
+      odd nook, or a dark cranny, is yet left unenlightened; but the leading
+      streets of the metropolis are, for the most part, too well illuminated to
+      allow the <i>spreeish</i> or the <i>sprightly</i> to carry on their jokes
+      in security, or bolt away with safety when a charley thinks proper to set
+      his <i>child a crying</i>.{3} We had crossed the road, in the direction of
+      Chancery-lane, expecting to have met with a hackney <i>rattler</i>, but
+      not one was to be found upon the stand, when Bob espied the broad <i>tilt</i>
+      of a <i>jarvey perched</i> upon his <i>shop-board</i>, and impelling
+      along, with no little labour of the whip, a pair of <i>anatomies</i>,
+      whose external appearance showed they
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     3 Springing his rattle.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[340]</span>had benefited very little by the opening
+      of the ports for oats, or the digestive operation of the new corn-bill.
+      "Hired, old Jarvey?" said Echo, fixing himself in the road before the
+      fiery charioteer. "No, but tired, young Davey," replied the dragsman.
+      "Take a fare to Covent Garden?" "Not if I knows it," was the knowing
+      reply; "so stir your stumps, my tight one, or I shall drive over you."
+      "You had better take us," said Transit. "I tell you I won't; I am a day
+      man, going home, and I don't take night jobs." "But I tell you, you must,"
+      said Echo; "so round with your drag, and we'll make your last day a long
+      day, and give you the benefit of resurrection into the bargain." "Why,
+      look ye, my jolly masters, if you're up to a lark of that 'ere sort, take
+      care you don't get a floorer; I've got a rum customer inside what I'm
+      giving a lift to for love&mdash;only Josh Hudson, the miller; and if he
+      should chance to wake, I think he'll be for dusting some of your jackets."
+      "What, my friend Josh inside?" vociferated Echo, "then it's all right: go
+      it, my hearties; mount the box one on each hand, and make him drive us to
+      the Finish&mdash;while I settle the matter with the inside passenger."
+      Josh, who had all this time been taking <i>forty winks</i>, while on his
+      road to his crony Belcher's, soon recognised his patron, Echo; and jarvey,
+      finding that all remonstrance was useless, thought it better to make a
+      "virtue of necessity;" so turning his machine to the right about, he, in
+      due time, deposited us in the purlieus of Covent Garden. The hoarse note
+      of the drowsy night-guard reverberated through the long aisle of the
+      now-forsaken piazzas, as the trembling flame of the parish lamp,
+      flittering in its half-exhausted jet, proclaimed the approach of day; the
+      heavy rumbling of the gardeners' carts, laden with vegetables for the
+      ensuing market, alone disturbed the quiet of the adjoining streets. In a
+      dark angle might be seen the houseless wanderer, or the abandoned
+      profligate, <span class="pagenum">[341]</span>gathered up like a lump of
+      rags in a corner, and shivering with the nipping air. The gloom which
+      surrounded us had, for a moment, chilled the wild exuberance of my
+      companions' mirth; and it is more than probable we should have suspended
+      our visit to the <i>Finish</i>, at least for that night, had not the
+      jocund note of some uproarious Bacchanalian assailed our ears with the
+      well-known college chant of old Walter de Mapes, "<i>Mihi est propositum
+      in tabernâ mori</i>," which being given in G major, was re-echoed from one
+      end to the other of the arched piazza: at a little distance we perceived
+      the jovial singer reeling forwards, or rather working his way, from right
+      to left, in sinuosities, along, or according to nautical phrase, upon
+      __tack and half tack, bearing up to windward, in habiliments black as a
+      crow, with the exception of his neckcloth and under vest; but judge our
+      surprise and delight, when, upon nearer approach, we discovered the <i>bon
+      vivant</i> to be no other than our old friend Crony, who had been
+      sacrificing to the jolly god with those choice spirits the members of the
+      Beefsteak Club,{4} who meet in a room built expressly
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     4 This Club, which may boast among its members some of the
+     most distinguished names of the age, including royalty
+     itself, owed its origin to the talents of those celebrated
+     artists Richards and Loutherbourg, whose scenic performances
+     were in those days often exhibited to a select number of the
+     nobility and gentry, patrons of the drama and the arts, in
+     the painting-room of the theatre, previous to their being
+     displayed to the public. It was on one of those occasions
+     that some noblemen surprised the artist cooking his beef-
+     steak for luncheon in his painting-room, and kindly
+     partaking of the <i>déjeuné à la fourchette</i>, with him,
+     suggested and established the Beef-steak Club, which was
+     originally, and up to the time of the fire, held in an
+     apart-ment over the old Theatre Royal, Covent Garden; but
+     since that period the members have been accommodated by Mr.
+     Arnold, who built the present room expressly for their use.
+     In page 216 of this work, allusion will be found by name to
+     some of the brilliant wits who graced this festive board,
+     and gave a lustre to the feast. In the old place of
+     meeting the identical gridiron on which Richards and
+     Loutherbourg operated was to be seen attached to the
+     ceiling, emblematical of the origin of the society, which
+     may now be considered as the only relic left of that social
+     intercourse which formerly existed in so many shapes between
+     those who were distinguished for their noble birth and
+     wealth, and the poorer, but equally illustrious, of the
+     children of Genius. It would be an act of injustice to the
+     present race of scenic artists to close this note without
+     acknowledging their more than equal merits to their
+     predecessors: the Grieves (father and sons), Phillips,
+     Marinari, Wilson, Tomkins, and Stanfield, are all names of
+     high talent; but the novelty of their art has, from its
+     general cultivation, lost much of this peculiar attraction.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[342]</span>for them over the audience part of the
+      English Opera House. The ruby glow of the old boy's countenance shone like
+      an omen of the merry humour of his mind. "What, out for a spree, boys, or
+      just bailed from the watch-house, which is it? the alpha or omega, for
+      they generally follow one another?" "Then you are in time for the <i>equivoque</i>,
+      Crony," said Echo; "so enlist him, Transit;" and without more ceremony,
+      Crony was marched off, __vi et armis, to the _Finish_, a coffee-house in
+      James-street, Covent Garden, where the <i>peep-o'-day boys</i> and <i>family
+      men</i> meet to conclude the night's debauch <i>(see plate)</i>; "<i>Video
+      meliora proboque, Détériora sequoi</i>;" you will exclaim, and 'tis
+      granted; but
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "<i>Lusus animo debent aliquando dari,
+          Ad cogitandum melior ut red eat sibi</i>,"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      says Phodrus, and be the poet's apology mine, for I am neither afraid or
+      ashamed to confess myself an admirer of life in all its variegated lights
+      and shadows, deriving my amusement from the great source of knowledge, the
+      study of that eccentric volume&mdash;man. The new police act has, in some
+      measure, abated the extent of these nuisances, the low coffee-shops of the
+      metropolis, which were, for the greater part, little better than a
+      rendezvous for thieves of every description, depots both for the <span
+      class="pagenum">[343]</span>plunder and the plunderer; where, if an
+      unthinking or profligate victim once entered, he seldom came out without
+      experiencing treatment which operated like a severe lesson, that would
+      leave its moral upon his mind as long as he continued an inhabitant of the
+      terrestrial world.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0028" id="Bimage-0028">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page343.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page343th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page343" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The attempt to describe the party around us baffled even the descriptive
+      powers of old Crony; some few, indeed, were known to the man of the world
+      as reputed sharpers,&mdash;fellows who are always to be found lingering
+      about houses of such resort, to catch the inexperienced; when, having
+      sacrificed their victim either by gambling, cheating, or swindling, they
+      divide the profits with the keeper of the house, without whose assistance
+      they could not hope to arrive at the necessary information, or be enabled
+      to continue their frauds with impunity; but, thus protected, they have a
+      ready witness at hand to speak to their character, without the suspicion
+      of his being a confederate in their villany. Here might be seen the woman
+      of pleasure, lost to every sense of her sex's shame, consuming the
+      remaining portion of the night by a wasteful expenditure of her
+      ill-acquired gains upon some abandoned profligate, bearing, indeed, the
+      outward form of man, but presenting a most degrading spectacle&mdash;a
+      wretch so lost to all sense of honour and manhood as meanly to subsist on
+      the wages of prostitution. One or two characters I must not omit: observe
+      the fair Cyprian with the ermine tippet, seated on the right of a
+      well-known <i>billiard sharp</i>, who made his escape from Dublin for
+      having dived a little too deep into the pockets of his brother emeralders;
+      here he passes for a swell, and has abandoned his former profession for
+      the more honest union of callings, a pimp and playman, in other words, a
+      finished <i>Greek</i>. The lady was the <i>chère amie</i> of the
+      unfortunate youth Hayward (designated as the modern Macheath), who
+      suffered an ignominious death. He was betrayed and sold to the <span
+      class="pagenum">[344]</span>officers by this very woman, upon whom he had
+      lavished the earnings of his infamy, when endeavouring to secrete himself
+      from the searching eye of justice. The unhappy female on the other side
+      was early in life seduced by the once celebrated Lord B&mdash;&mdash;, by
+      whose title, to his lasting infamy, she is still known: what she might
+      have been, but for his arts, reflection too often compels her to
+      acknowledge, when sober and sinking under her load of misery; at other
+      times she has recourse to liquor to drown her complicated misfortunes;
+      when wild and infuriated, she more nearly resembles a demon than a woman,
+      spreading forth terror and destruction upon all around; in this state she
+      is often brought to the police-office, where the humanity of the
+      magistrates, softened perhaps by a recollection of her wrongs, generally
+      operates to procure for her some very trifling and lenient sentence.{5}
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          5 THE LIFE OF A WOMAN OF THE TOWN.
+
+          Ah! what avails how once appear'd the fair,
+          When from gay equipage she falls obscure?
+
+          In vain she moves her livid lips in prayer;
+          What man so mean to recollect the poor?
+
+          From place to place, by unfee'd bailiffs drove,
+          As fainting fawns from thirsty bloodhounds fly;
+
+          See the sad remnants of unhallow'd love
+          In prisons perish, or on dunghills die.
+
+          Pimps and dependents once her beauties praised,
+          And on those beauties, vermin-like, they fed;
+
+          From wretchedness the crew her bounty raised,
+          When by her spoils enrich'd&mdash;deny her bread.
+
+          Through street to street she wends, as want betides,
+          Like Shore's sad wife, in winter's dismal hours;
+
+          The bleak winds piercing her unnourish'd sides,
+          Her houseless head dripping with drizzy showers.
+
+          Sickly she strolls amidst the miry lane,
+          While streaming spouts dash on her unclothed neck;
+
+          By famine pinch'd, pinch'd by disease-bred pain,
+          Contrition's portrait, and rash beauty's wreck.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[345]</span>We had now passed from the first
+      receptacle to an inner and more elegant apartment, where we could be
+      accommodated with suitable refreshments, wine, spirits, or, in fact, any
+      thing we pleased to order and were disposed to pay for; a practice at most
+      of these early coffee-houses, as they are denominated. The company in this
+      room were, as far as appearances went, of rather a better order; but an
+      event soon occurred which convinced us that their morality was perhaps
+      more exceptionable than the motley group which filled the outer chamber. A
+      bevy of damsels were singing, flirting, and drinking, to amuse their
+      companions,&mdash;when all at once the doors were forced open, and in
+      rushed three of the principal officers of Bow-street, the indefatigable
+      Bishop, the determined Smith, and the resolute Ruthven (see plate), all
+      armed and prepared for some dreadful encounter: in an instant their
+      followers had possessed themselves of the doors&mdash;flight, therefore,
+      was in vain; and Bob Transit, in attempting it, narrowly escaped an
+      awkward crack on the crania from old Jack Townshend, who being past active
+      service, was posted at the entrance with the beak himself, to do garrison
+      duty.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0029" id="Bimage-0029">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page345.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page345th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page345" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "<i>The traps! the traps!</i>" vociferated some one in the adjoining room;
+      "<i>Douse the glims! stash it&mdash;stash it!</i>" was the general
+      exclamation in ours: but before the party could effect their purpose, the
+      principals were in safe custody: and the reader (i.e. pocket-book)
+      containing all the stolen property, preserved from the flames by the wary
+      eye and prompt arm of the <i>indefatigable</i> Bishop. Before any one was
+      allowed to depart the room, a general muster and search took place, in
+      which poor Bob Transit felt most awkward, as some voluptuous sketches
+      found in his pocket called forth
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          She dies; sad outcast! heart-broke by remorse;
+          Pale, stretch'd against th' inhospitable doors;
+          While gathering gossips taunt the flesh less corse,
+          And thank their gods <i>that they were never w&mdash;res!</i>
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[346]</span>the severe animadversion of his worship,
+      the beak, who lamented that such fine talent should be thus immorally
+      applied: with this brief lecture, and a caution for the future, we were
+      allowed to escape; while almost all the rest, male and female, were
+      marched off to an adjoining watch-house, to abide the public examination
+      and fiat of the morrow. Of all the party, old Crony was the most sensibly
+      affected by the late rencontre; twenty bottles of soda-water could not
+      have produced a more important change. His conversation and appearance
+      had, in an instant, recovered their wonted steadiness; and before we were
+      half across the market, Crony was moralizing upon the dangers of the scene
+      from which we had so recently and fortunately escaped. But hearts young
+      and buoyant as ours, when lighted up by the fire of enterprise, and
+      provoked to action by potent charges of the grape, were not to be dashed
+      by one repulse, or compelled to beat a retreat at the first brush with a
+      reconnoitring party; we had sallied forth in pursuit of a spree, and
+      frolic we were determined upon,
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "While misty night, with silent pace,
+          Steals gradual o'er the wanton chase."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      There is something very romantic in prowling the streets of the metropolis
+      at midnight, in quest of adventure; at least, so my companions insisted,
+      and I had embarked too deeply in the night's debauch to moralize upon its
+      consequences. How many a sober-looking face demure when morning dawns
+      would blush to meet the accusing spirit of the night, dressed out in all
+      the fantasies of whim and eccentricity with which the rosy god of midnight
+      revelry clothes his laughter-loving bacchanals&mdash;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "While sleep attendant at her drowsy fane,
+          Parent of ease, envelopes all your train!"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      The lamentations of old Crony brought to mind the <span class="pagenum">[347]</span>complaints
+      of honest Jack Falstaff against his associates. "There is no truth in
+      villanous man!" said our monitor. "I remember when a gentleman might have
+      reeled round the environs of Covent Garden, in and out of every
+      establishment, from the Bedford to Mother Butlers, without having his
+      pleasures broken in upon by the irruptions of Bow-street mohawks, or his
+      person endangered by any association he chose to mix with; but we are
+      returning to the times of the <i>Roundheads</i> and the <i>Puritans; cant,</i>
+      vile hypocritical <i>cant</i>, has bitten the ear of authority, and the
+      great officers of the state are infected with the Jesuitical mania.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'Man is a ship that sails with adverse winds,
+          And has no haven till he land at death.
+          Then, when he thinks his hands fast grasp the bank,
+          Conies a rude billow betwixt him and safety,
+          And beats him back into the deep again.'"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      "I subscribe to none of their fooleries," said I; "for I am of the true
+      orthodox&mdash;love my king, my girl, my friend, and my bottle: a truce
+      with all their raven croakings; they would overload mortality, and press
+      our shoulders with too great a weight of dismal miseries. But come, my
+      boys, we who have free souls, let us to the banquet, while yet Sol's fiery
+      charioteer lies sleeping at his eastern palace in the lap of Thetis&mdash;let
+      us chant carols of mirth to old Jove or bully Mars; and, like chaste
+      votaries, perform our orgies at the shrine of Venus, ere yet Aurora tears
+      aside the curtain that conceals our revels." In this way we rallied our
+      cameleon-selves, until we again found shelter from the dews of night in
+      Carpenter's coffee-house; a small, but well-conducted place, standing at
+      the east end of the market, which opens between two and three o'clock in
+      the morning, for the accommodation of those who are hourly arriving with
+      waggon loads of vegetable commodities. Here, over a bottle of mulled port,
+      Crony gave us the history of <span class="pagenum">[348]</span>what Covent
+      Garden used to be, when the eminent, the eccentric, and the notorious in
+      every walk of life, were to be found nightly indulging their festivities
+      within its famous precincts. "Covent Garden," said Crony, once so
+      celebrated for its clubs of wits and convents of fine women, is grown as
+      dull as <i>modern Athens</i>, and its ladies of pleasure almost as vulgar
+      as Scotch landladies; formerly, the first beauties of the time assembled
+      every evening under the Piazzas, and promenaded for hours to the soft
+      notes of the dulcet lute, and the silver tongues of amorous and persuasive
+      beaus; then the gay scene partook of the splendour of a Venetian carnival,
+      and such beauties as the Kitten, Peggy Yates, Sally Hall the brunette,
+      Betsy Careless, and the lively Mrs. Stewart, graced the merry throng, with
+      a hundred more, equally famed, whose names are enrolled in the cabinet of
+      Love's votaries. Then there was a celebrated house in Charles-street,
+      called the <i>field of blood</i>, where the droll fellows of the time used
+      nightly to resort, and throw down whole regiments of <i>black</i>
+      artillery; and then at Tom or Moll King's, a coffee-house so called, which
+      stood in the centre of Covent Garden market, at midnight might be found
+      the bucks, bloods, demireps, and choice spirits of London, associated with
+      the most elegant and fascinating Cyprians, congregated with every species
+      of human kind that intemperance, idleness, necessity, or curiosity could
+      assemble together. There you might see Tom King enter as rough as a
+      Bridewell whipper, roaring down the long room and rousing all the
+      sleepers, thrusting them and all who had empty glasses out of his house,
+      setting everything to rights,&mdash;when in would roll three or four jolly
+      fellows, claret-cosey, and in three minutes put it all into uproar again;
+      playing all sorts of mad pranks, until the guests in the long room were at
+      battle-royal together; for in those days pugilistic encounters were
+      equally common as with the present <span class="pagenum">[349]</span>times,
+      owing to the celebrity of Broughton and his amphitheatre, where the
+      science of boxing was publicly taught. Then was the Spiller's Head in
+      Clare-market, in great vogue for the nightly assemblage of the wits; there
+      might be seen Hogarth, and Betterton the actor, and Dr. Garth, and Charles
+      Churchill, the first of English satirists, and the arch politician,
+      Wilkes, and the gay Duke of Wharton, and witty Morley, the author of Joe
+      Miller, and Walker, the celebrated Macheath, and the well-known Bab Selby,
+      the oyster-woman, and Fig, the boxer, and old Corins, the clerical
+      attorney.&mdash;All "hail, fellow, well met."{6} And a friend of mine has
+      in his possession a most extraordinary picture of Hogarth's, on this
+      subject, which has never yet been engraved from. It is called St. James's
+      Day, or the first day of oysters, and represents the interior of the
+      Spiller's Head in Clare-market, as it then appeared. The principal figures
+      are the gay and dissolute Duke of Wharton, for whom the well-known Bab
+      Selby, the oyster-wench, is opening oysters; Spiller is standing at her
+      back, patting her shoulder; the figure sitting smoking by the side of the
+      duke is a portrait of Morley, the author of Joe Miller; and the man
+      standing behind is a portrait of the well-known attendant on the duke's
+      drunken frolics, Fig, the brother of Fig, the boxer: the person drinking
+      at the bar is Corins, called the parson-attorney, from his habit of
+      dressing in clerical attire; the two persons sitting at the table
+      represent portraits of the celebrated Dr. Garth, and Betterton, the actor;
+      the figures, also, of Walker, the celebrated Macheath, and Lavinia Fenton,
+      the highly-reputed Polly, afterwards Duchess of Bolton, may be recognised
+      in the back-ground.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The circumstances of this picture having escaped the notice of the
+      biographer of Hogarth is by no means singular. Mr. Halls, one of the
+      magistrates at Bow-street, has, among other choice specimens by Hogarth,
+      the lost picture of the Harlot's Progress; the subject telling her fortune
+      by the tea-grounds in her cup, admirably characteristic of the artist and
+      his story. In my own collection I have the original picture of the
+      Fish-Women of Calais, with a view of the market-place, painted on the
+      spot, and as little known as the others to which I have alluded. There
+      are, no doubt, many other equally clever performances of Hogarth's
+      prolific pencil which are not generally known to the public, or have not
+      yet been engraved. <span class="pagenum">[350]</span>in the same
+      neighbourhood, in Russel-court, at the old Cheshire Cheese, the inimitable
+      but dissolute Tom Brown wrote many of his cleverest essays. Then too
+      commenced the midnight revelries and notoriety of the Cider Cellar, in
+      Maiden-lane, when Sim Sloper, Bob Washington, Jemmy Tas well, Totty
+      Wright, and Harry Hatzell, led the way for a whole regiment more of
+      frolic-making beings who, like Falstaff, were not only, witty themselves,
+      but the cause of keeping it alive in others: to these succeeded Porson the
+      Grecian, Captain Thompson, Tom Hewerdine, Sir John Moore, Mr. Edwin, Mr.
+      Woodfall, Mr. Brownlow, Captain Morris, and a host of other highly-gifted
+      men, the first lyrical and political writers of the day,&mdash;who
+      frequented the Cider Cellar after the meetings of the <i>Anacreontic,
+      beefsteak</i>, and <i>humbug</i> clubs then held in the neighbourhood, to
+      taste the parting bowl and swear eternal friendship. In later times, Her
+      Majesty the Queen of Bohemia{7} raised her standard in Tavistock-row,
+      Covent Garden, where she held a midnight court for the wits; superintended
+      by the renowned daughter of Hibernia, and maid of honour to her majesty,
+      the facetious Mother Butler&mdash;the ever-constant supporter of Richard
+      Brinsley Sheridan, esquire, and a leading feature in all the memorable
+      Westminster elections of the last fifty years. How many jovial nights have
+      I passed and jolly fellows have I met in the snug <i>sanctum sanctorum!</i>
+      a little <i>crib</i>, as the <i>fishmongers</i> would call it, with an
+      entrance through the bar, and into which none were ever permitted to enter
+      without a formal introduction and the gracious permission of the hostess.
+      Among those who were thus specially privileged, and had the honour of the
+      <i>entré</i>, were the reporters for the morning papers, the leading
+      members of the <i>eccentrics</i>, the actors and musicians of the two
+      Theatres Royal, merry members of both Houses of
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     7 The sign of the house.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[351]</span>Parliament, and mad wags of every
+      country who had any established claim to the kindred feelings of genius.
+      Such were the frequenters of the Finish. Here, poor Tom Sheridan, with a
+      comic gravity that set discretion at defiance, would let fly some of his
+      brilliant drolleries at the <i>improvisatore</i>, Theodore Hook; who,
+      lacking nothing of his opponent's wit, would quickly return his tire with
+      the sharp encounter of a satiric epigram or a brace of puns, planted with
+      the most happy effect upon the weak side of his adversary's merriment.
+      There too might be seen the wayward and the talented George Cook,
+      gentlemanly in conduct, and full of anecdote when sober, but ever captious
+      and uproarious in his cups. Then might be heard a strange encounter of
+      expressions between the queen of Covent Garden and the voluptuary, Lord
+      Barrymore,{8} seconded by his brother, the pious Augustus. In one corner
+      might be seen poor Dermody, the poet, shivering with wretchedness, and
+      Mother Butler pleading his cause with a generous feeling that does honour
+      to her heart, collecting for him a temporary supply which, alas! his
+      imprudence generally dissipated with the morrow. Here, George Sutton
+      Manners,{9} and Peter Finnerty,{10} and James Brownly,{11} inspired by
+      frequent potations of the real
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     8  Designated Cripplegate and Newgate.
+
+     9  The relative of the present Archbishop of Canterbury, and
+     then editor of the Satirist magazine.
+
+     10  Peter Finnerty was a reporter on the Chronicle. The his-
+     tory of Finnerty's political persecutions in his own country
+     (Ireland), and afterwards in this, are interwoven with our
+     history. The firmness and honesty of his mind had endeared
+     him to a very large circle of patriot friends. He was
+     eloquent, but impetuous, his ideas appearing to flow too
+     fast for delivery. With all the natural warmth of his
+     country, he had a heart of sterling gold. Finnerty died
+     in 1822, very shortly after his friend Perry.
+
+     11   James Brownly, formerly a reporter on the Times; of
+     whom Sheridan said, hearing him speak, that his situation
+     ought to have been in the body of the House of Commons,
+     instead of the gallery. Brownly possessed very rare
+     natural talents, was originally an upholsterer in Catherine-
+     street, Strand, and by dint of application acquired a very
+     correct knowledge of the tine arts: he was particularly
+     skilled  in architecture  and heraldry. In addition to
+     his extraordinary powers as an orator, he was a most elegant
+     critic, and a very amiable man. He died in 1822, much
+     regretted by all who knew him.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[352]</span>Rocrea whiskey, would hold forth in
+      powerful contention, until mine hostess of the <i>Finish</i>{12} would put
+      an end to the debate; and the irritation it would sometimes engender, by
+      disencumbering herself of a few of her Milesian monosyllables. Then would
+      bounce into the room, Felix M'Carthy, the very cream of comicalities, and
+      the warm-hearted James Hay ne, and Frank Phippen, and Michael Nugent, and
+      the eloquent David Power, and memory Middleton, and father Proby, just to
+      sip an emulsion after the close of their labours in reporting a long
+      debate in the House of Commons. Here, too, I remember to have seen for the
+      first time in my life, the wayward Byron, with the light of genius beaming
+      in his noble countenance, and an eye brilliant and expressive as the
+      evening star; the rich juice of the Tuscan grape had diffused an unusual
+      glow over his features, and inspired him with a playful animation, that
+      but rarely illumined the misanthropic gloominess of his too sensitive
+      mind. An histrionic star alike distinguished for talent and eccentricity
+      accompanied him&mdash;the gallant, gay Lothario, Kean. But I should
+      consume the remnant of the night to retrace more of the fading
+      recollections of the <i>Finish</i>. That it was a scene where prudence did
+      not always preside, is true; but there was a rich union of talent and
+      character always to be found within its circle, that
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     12 Mother Butler, the queen of Covent-garden, for many years
+     kept the celebrated Finish, where, if shut out of your
+     lodging, you might take shelter till morning, very often in
+     the very best of company. The house has, since she left it,
+     been shut up through the suspension of its licence. Mother
+     Butler was a witty, generous-hearted, and very extraordinary
+     woman. She is, I believe, still living, and in good
+     circumstances.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[353]</span>prevented any very violent outrage upon
+      propriety or decorum. In the present day, there is nothing like it&mdash;the
+      Phoenix,{13} Offley's,{14} the Coal-hole,{15} and what yet remains of the
+      dismembered Eccentrics,{16} bears no comparison to the ripe drolleries and
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     13 A society established at the Wrekin tavern in Broad-
+     court, in imitation of the celebrated club at Brazennose
+     College, Oxford, and of whom I purpose to take some notice
+     hereafter.
+
+     14 The Burton ale rooms; frequented by baby bucks, black-
+     legs and half-pay officers.
+
+     15 A tavern in Fountain-court, Strand, kept by the poet
+     Rhodes; celebrated for the Saturday ordinary.
+
+     16 In the room, where of old the Eccentrics {*} met; When
+     mortals were Brilliants, and fond of a whet, And <i>Hecate</i>
+     environ'd all London in jet. Where Adolphus, and
+     Shorri',{**} and famed Charley Fox, With a hundred good
+     whigs led by Alderman Cox, Put their names in the books, and
+     their cash in the box; Where perpetual Whittle,{***}
+     facetiously grand, On the president's throne each night took
+     his stand, With his three-curly wig, and his hammer in hand:
+     Then Brownly, with eloquence florid and clear, Pour'd a
+     torrent of metaphor into the ear, With well-rounded periods,
+     and satire severe. Here too Peter Finnerty, Erin's own
+     child, Impetuous, frolicsome, witty, and wild, With many a
+     tale has our reason beguiled: Then wit was triumphant, and
+     night after night Was the morn usher'd in with a flood of
+     delight.
+
+     * The Eccentrics, a club principally composed of persons
+     connected with the press or the drama, originally
+     established at the Swan, in Chandos-street, Covent-garden,
+     under the name of the Brilliants, and afterwards removed to
+     the Sutherland Arms, in May's-buildings, St. Martin's-lane;
+     &mdash;here, for many years, it continued the resort of some of
+     the first wits of the time; the chair was seldom taken till
+     the theatres were over, and rarely vacated till between four
+     and five in the morning.
+
+     ** Sheridan, Charles Fox, Adolphus, and many of the most
+     eminent men now at the bar, were members or occasional
+     frequenters.
+
+     *** James Whittle, Esq., of Fleet-street, (or, as he was
+     more generally denominated, the facetious Jemmy Whittle, of
+     the respectable firm of Laurie and Whittle, booksellers and
+     publishers) was for some years perpetual president of the
+     society, and by his quaint manners, and good-humoured
+     sociality, added much to the felicity of the scene&mdash;he is
+     but recently dead.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[354]</span>pleasant witticisms which sparkled forth
+      in endless variety among the choice spirits who frequented the <i>sanctum
+      sanctorum</i> of the <i>old Finish</i>. "There is yet, however, one more
+      place worthy of notice," said Crony; "not for any amusement we shall
+      derive from its frequenters, but, simply, that it is the most notorious
+      place in London." Thither it was agreed we should adjourn; for Crony's
+      description of <i>Madame and Messieurs</i> the <i>Conducteurs</i> was
+      quite sufficient to produce excitement in the young and ardent minds by
+      which he was then surrounded. I shall not pollute this work by a
+      repetition of the circumstances connected with this place, as detailed by
+      old Crony, lest humanity should start back with horror and disgust at the
+      bare mention, and charity endeavour to throw discredit on the true, but
+      black recital. The specious pretence of selling shell-fish and oysters is
+      a mere trap for the inexperienced, as every description of expensive
+      wines, liqueurs, coffee, and costly suppers are in more general request,
+      and the wanton extravagance exhibited within its vortex is enough to
+      strike the uninitiated and the moralist with the most appalling sentiments
+      of horror and dismay. Yet within this <i>saloon (see plate)</i> did we
+      enter, at four o'clock in the morning, to view the depravity of human
+      nature, and watch the operation of licentiousness upon the young and
+      thoughtless.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0030" id="Bimage-0030">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page354.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page354th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page354" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A Newgate turnkey would, no doubt, recognize many old acquaintances; in
+      the special hope of which, Bob Transit has faithfully delineated some of
+      the most conspicuous characters, as they appeared on that occasion,
+      lending their hearty assistance in the general scene of maddening uproar.
+      It was past five o'clock in the morning ere we quitted this den of
+      dreadful depravity, heartily tired out by the night's adventures, yet
+      solacing ourselves with the reflection that we had seen much and suffered
+      little either in respect to our purses or our persons.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Blink2H_4_0009" id="Blink2H_4_0009">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      VISIT TO WESTMINSTER HALL.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     <i>Worthies thereof&mdash;Legal Sketches of the Long Robe&mdash;The
+     Maiden Brief&mdash;An awkward Recognition&mdash;Visit to Banco Regis&mdash;
+     Surrey Collegians giving a Lift to a Limb of the Late,
+     "Thus far shalt thou go and no farther"&mdash;Park Rangers&mdash;Visit
+     to the Life Academy&mdash;R&mdash;A&mdash;ys of Genius reflecting on the
+     true line of Beauty&mdash;Arrival of Bernard Black-mantle in
+     London&mdash;Reads his Play and Farce in the Green Rooms of the
+     two Theatres Royal, Drury Lane and Covent Garden&mdash;Sketches
+     of Theatrical Character&mdash;The City Ball at the Mansion House&mdash;
+     The Squeeze&mdash;Civic Characters&mdash;Return to Alma Mater&mdash;The
+     Wind-up&mdash;Term ends</i>.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[355]</span>A note from Dick Gradus invited Echo and
+      myself to hear his opening speech in Westminster Hall. "I have received my
+      <i>maiden brief</i>" writes the young counsel, "and shall be happy if you
+      will be present at my first attempt, when, like a true <i>amicus curio</i>,
+      the presence of an old school-fellow will inspire confidence, and point
+      out what may strike him as defective in my style." "We will all go," said
+      Transit; "Echo will be amused by the oratory of the bar, and I shall
+      employ my pencil to advantage in taking notes, not of <i>short hand</i>,
+      but of <i>long heads</i>, and still <i>longer faces</i>." The confusion
+      created by the building of the new courts at Westminster has literally
+      choked up, for a time, that noble specimen of Gothic architecture&mdash;the
+      ancient hall; the King's Bench sittings are therefore temporarily held in
+      the Sessions House, a small, but <span class="pagenum">[356]</span>rather
+      compact octangular building, on the right of Parliament-street. Hither we
+      hasted, at nine o'clock in the morning, to take a view of the court,
+      judges, and counsel, and congratulate our friend Gradus on his <i>entrée</i>.
+      It has been said, that the only profession in this country where talents
+      can insure success, is the law. If by this is meant talents of a popular
+      kind, the power of giving effect to comprehensive views of justice and the
+      bonds of society, a command of language, and a faculty of bringing to bear
+      upon one point all the resources of intellect and knowledge, they are
+      mistaken; they speak from former experience, and not from present
+      observation: they are thinking of the days of a Mingay or an Erskine, not
+      of those of a Marryat or a Scarlett; of the time when juries were wrought
+      upon by the united influence of zeal and talent, not when they are
+      governed by <i>precedents and practice</i>; when men were allowed to feel
+      a little, as well as think a great deal; when the now common phrase of
+      possessing the <i>ear of the court</i> was not understood, and the
+      tactician and the bully were unknown to the bar. It is asserted, that
+      one-fifth of the causes that come before our courts are decided upon mere
+      matters of form, without the slightest reference to their merits. Every
+      student for the bar must now place himself under some special pleader, and
+      go through all the complicated drudgery of the office of one of these
+      underlings, before he can hope to fill a higher walk; general principles,
+      and enlarged notions of law and justice, are smothered in laborious and
+      absurd technicalities; the enervated mind becomes shackled, until the
+      natural vigour of the intellect is so reduced, as to make its bondage
+      cease to seem burdensome. Dick, with a confidence in his own powers, has
+      avoided this degrading preparation; it is only two months since he was
+      first called to the bar, and with a knowledge of his father's influence
+      and property added to his own talents, he hopes to make a <span
+      class="pagenum">[357]</span>stand in court, previous to his being
+      transplanted to the Commons House of Parliament.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A tolerable correct estimate may be formed of the popularity of the
+      judges, by observing the varied bearings of respect evinced towards them
+      upon their entrance into court. Mr. Justice Best came first, bending
+      nearly double under a painful infirmity, and was received by a cold and
+      ceremonious rising of the bar. To him succeeded his brother Holroyd, a
+      learned but not a very brilliant lawyer, and another partial
+      acknowledgment of the counsel was observable. Then entered the Chief
+      Justice, Sir Charles Abbot, with more of dignity in his carriage than
+      either of the preceding, and a countenance finely expressive of serenity
+      and comprehensive faculties: his welcome was of a more general, and, I may
+      add, genial nature; for his judicial virtues have much endeared him to the
+      profession and the public. But the universal acknowledgment of the bar,
+      the jury, and the reporters for the public press, who generally occupy the
+      students' box, was reserved for Mr. Justice Bayley; upon whose entrance,
+      all in court appeared to rise with one accord to pay a tribute of respect
+      to this very distinguished, just, and learned man. All this might have
+      been accidental, you will say; but it was in such strict accordance with
+      my own feelings and popular opinion besides, that, however invidious it
+      may appear, I cannot resist the placing it upon record. To return to the
+      Chief Justice: he is considered a man of strong and piercing intellect,
+      penetrating at once to the bottom of a cause, when others, even the
+      counsel, are very often only upon the surface; his intuition in this
+      respect is proverbial, and hence much of the valuable time of the court is
+      saved upon preliminary or immaterial points. Added to which, he is an
+      excellent lawyer, shrewd, clear, and forcible in his delivery, very firm
+      in his judgments, and mild in his <span class="pagenum">[358]</span>language;
+      with a patient command of temper, and continued appearance of good-humour,
+      that adds much to his dignity, and increases public veneration. That he
+      has been the architect of his own elevation is much to be applauded; and
+      it is equally honourable to the state to acknowledge, that he is more
+      indebted to his great talents and his legal knowledge for his present
+      situation than to any personal influence of great interest{1}: of him it
+      may be justly said, he hath
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     "A piercing wit quite void of ostentation; high-erected
+     thoughts seated in a heart of courtesy; an eloquence as sweet
+     in the uttering, as slow to come to the uttering."
+
+     <i>Sir P. Sidney's Arcadia</i>.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      It was Dick Gradus's good-luck to be opposed to Scarlett in a case of
+      libel, where the latter was for the defendant. "Of all men else at the
+      bar, I know of no one whom I so much wish to encounter," said Gradus. His
+      irritable temper, negligence in reading his briefs, and consummate
+      ignorance{2} in any thing beyond term-reports, renders him an easy
+      conquest to a quiet, learned, and comprehensive mind. The two former are
+      qualifications Gradus possesses in a very superior degree, and he proved
+      he was in no wise deficient in his opponent's great requisite; I suppose
+      we must call it confidence; but another phrase would be more significant.
+      Scarlett is a great tactician; and in defending his client, never
+      hesitates to take
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1  We hear that an allusion in page 359 of this work has
+     been supposed to relate to a near relative of the respected
+     Chief Justice: if it bears any similitude, it is the effect
+     of accident alone; the portrait being drawn for another and
+     a very different person, as the reference to altitude might
+     have shown.
+
+     2 See the castigation he received in the Courier of Friday.
+     Dec. 10, 1824, for his total ignorance of the common terms
+     of art.
+
+          "&mdash;&mdash;that trick of courts to wear
+          Silk at the cost of flattery."
+
+          <i>James Shirley's Poems</i>.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[359]</span>what I should consider the most unfair,
+      as they are ungentlemanly advantages. But there
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     "be they that use men's writings like brute beasts, to make
+     them draw which way they list."
+
+     <i>T. Nash's Lenten Stuff</i>, 1599.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      His great success and immense practice at the bar is more owing to the
+      scarcity of silk-gowns{3} than the profundity of his talents. The
+      perpetual simper that plays upon his ruby countenance, when finessing with
+      a jury, has, no doubt, its artful effect; although it is as foreign to the
+      true feelings of the man, as the malicious grin of the malignant satirist
+      would be to generosity and true genius. Of his oratory, the <i>aureum
+      flumen orationis</i> is certainly not his; and, if he begins a sentence
+      well, he seldom arrives at the conclusion on the same level: he is always
+      most happy in a reply, when he can trick his adversary by making an
+      abusive speech, and calling no witnesses to prove his assertions. Our
+      friend Gradus obtained a verdict, and after it the congratulations of the
+      court and bar, with whom Scarlett is, from his superciliousness, no great
+      favourite. Owen Feltham, in his Resolves, well says, that "arrogance is a
+      weed that ever grows upon a dunghill."{4} The contrast between Scarlett
+      and his great opponent, Mr. Serjeant Copley,
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     3 Generally speaking, the management of two-thirds of the
+     business of the court is entrusted to <i>four silk-gowns</i>, and
+     about twice as many <i>worsted</i> robes behind the bar.
+
+     4 An Impromptu written in the Court of King's Bench during a
+     recent trial for libel.
+
+          The Learned Pig.
+
+          "My learned Friend," the showman cries;
+          The pig assents&mdash;the showman lies;
+          So counsel oft address a brother
+          In flattering lie to one another;
+          Calling their friend some legal varlet,
+          Who lies, and bullies, till he's Scarlett.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[360]</span>the present Attorney-General, is a
+      strong proof of the truth of this quotation. To a systematic and profound
+      knowledge of the law, this gentleman unites a mind richly stored with all
+      the advantages of a liberal education and extensive reading, not merely
+      confined to the dry pursuit in which he is engaged, but branching forth
+      into the most luxuriant and highly-cultivated fields of science and the
+      arts. On this account, he shines with peculiar brightness at <i>Nisi Prius</i>;
+      and is as much above the former in the powers of his mind and splendour of
+      his oratory, as he is superior to the presumptuousness of Scarlett's
+      vulgarity. Mr. Marryat is said to possess an excellent knowledge of the
+      heavy business of his profession; and it must be admitted, that his full,
+      round, heavy-looking countenance, and still heavier attempts at wit and
+      humour, admirably suit the man to his peculiar manner: after all, he is a
+      most persevering counsel; not deficient in good sense, and always
+      distinguished by great zeal for his client's interests. Mr. Gurney is a
+      steady, pains-taking advocate, considered by the profession as a tolerable
+      criminal lawyer, but never affecting any very learned arguments in affairs
+      of principles or precedents. In addressing a jury, he is both perspicuous
+      and convincing; but far too candid and gentlemanly in his practice to
+      contend with the trickery of Scarlett.&mdash;Mr. Common-Serjeant Denman is
+      a man fitted by nature for the law. I never saw a more judicial-looking
+      countenance in my life; there is a sedate gravity about it, both "stern
+      and mild," firm without fierceness, and severe without austerity:&mdash;he
+      appears thoughtful, penetrating, and serene, yet not by any means devoid
+      of feeling and expression:&mdash;deeply read in the learning of his
+      profession, he is yet much better than a mere lawyer; for his speeches and
+      manners must convince his hearers that he is an accomplished gentleman. Of
+      Brougham, it may be justly said,<span class="pagenum">[361]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          &mdash;&mdash;" his delights
+          Are dolphin-like; they show his back above
+          The elements he lives in:"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      his voice, manner, and personal appearance, are not the happiest; but the
+      gigantic powers of his mind, and the energy of his unconquerable spirit,
+      rise superior to these defects. His style of speaking is marked by a
+      nervous freedom of the most convincing character; he aims little at
+      refinement, and labours more to make himself intelligible than elegant. In
+      zeal for his clients, no man is more indefatigable; and he always appears
+      to dart forward with an undaunted resolution to overcome and accomplish.
+      But here I must stop sketching characters, and refer you to a very able
+      representation of the court, the bar, and jury, by our friend Transit, in
+      which are accurate likenesses of all I have previously named, and also of
+      the following worthies, Messrs. Raine, Pollock, Ashworth, Courtney,
+      Starkie, Williams, Parke, Rotch, Piatt, Patterson, Raper, Browne,
+      Lawrence, and Whately, to which are added some whom&mdash;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     "God forbid me if I slander them with the title of learned,
+     for generally they are not."&mdash;Nash's Lenten Stuff, 1599.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0031" id="Bimage-0031">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page361.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page361th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page361" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We were just clearing the steps of the court house, when a jolly-looking,
+      knowing sort of fellow, begged permission to speak to Echo. A crimson
+      flush o'erspread Tom's countenance in a moment. Transit, who was down, as
+      he phrased it, tipped me a wink; and although I had never before seen
+      either of the professional brothers-in-law, John Doe and Richard Roe, the
+      smart jockey-boots, short stick, sturdy appearance, and taking manners of
+      the worthy, convinced me at once, that our new acquaintance was one or
+      other of those well-known personages: to be brief, poor Tom was arrested
+      for a large sum by a Bond-street hotel-keeper, who had trusted him
+      somewhat too long.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[362]</span>Arrangement by bail was impossible: this
+      was a proceeding on a judgment; and with as little ceremony, and as much
+      <i>sang froid</i> as he would have entered a theatre, poor Tom was placed
+      inside a hackney coach, accompanied by the aforesaid personage and his
+      man, and drove off in apparent good spirits for the King's Bench Prison,
+      where Transit and myself promised to attend him on the morrow, employing
+      the mean time in attempting to free him from durance vile. It was about
+      twelve at noon of the next day, when Transit and myself, accompanied by
+      Tom's creditor and his solicitor, traversed over Waterloo Bridge, and bent
+      our steps towards the abode of our incarcerated friend.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "The winds of March, with many a sudden gust,
+          About Saint George's Fields had raised the dust;
+          And stirr'd the massive bars that stand beneath
+          The spikes, that wags call <i>Justice Abbot's teeth</i>."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      The first glimpse of the Obelisk convinced us we had entered the confines
+      of <i>Abbot's Park</i>, as the rules are generally termed, for here Bob
+      recognised two or three among the sauntering rangers, whose habiliments
+      bore evidence of their once fashionable notoriety;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "And still they seem'd, though shorn of many a ray,
+          Not less than some arch dandy in decay."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      "A very pretty <i>bit of true life</i>," said Bob; and out came the sketch
+      book to note them down, which, as we loitered forward, was effected in his
+      usual rapid manner, portraying one or two well-known characters; but for
+      their cognomens, misfortune claims exemption:&mdash;to them we say,
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "Thou seest thou neither art mark'd out or named,
+          And therefore only to thyself art shamed."
+          <i>J. Withers's Abuses strict and whipt</i>.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[363]</span> <a name="Bimage-0032" id="Bimage-0032">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page363.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page363 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      To be brief, we found Echo, by the aid of the crier, safely tiled in at
+      ten in twelve, happy to all appearance, and perfectly domiciled, with two
+      other equally fresh associates. The creditor and his solicitor chose to
+      wait the issue of our proposition in the lobby; a precaution, as I
+      afterwards found, to be essentially necessary to their own safety; for,
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "He whom just laws imprison still is free
+          Beyond the proudest slaves of tyranny."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Although I must confess the exhibition we had of <i>freedom in Banco Regis</i>
+      was rather a rough specimen; a poor little limb of the law, who had
+      formerly been a leg himself, had, like other great lawyers, ratted, and
+      commenced a furious warfare upon some old cronies, for divers penalties
+      and perjuries, arising out of Greek prosecutions: too eager to draw the
+      blunt, he had been inveigled into the interior of the prison, and there,
+      after undergoing a most delightful pumping upon, <span class="pagenum">[364]</span>was
+      <i>rough-dried</i> by being tossed in a blanket (see plate).
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0033" id="Bimage-0033">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page364.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page364th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page364" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This entertainment we had the honour of witnessing from Echo's room
+      window; and unless the Marshal and his officers had interfered, I know not
+      what might have been the result. A very few words sufficed to convince Tom
+      of the necessity of yielding to his creditor's wishes. A letter of licence
+      was immediately produced and signed, and the gay-hearted Echo left once
+      more at liberty to wing his flight wherever his fancy might direct. On our
+      road home, it was no trifling amusement to hear him relate
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "The customs of the place,
+          The manners of its mingled populace,
+          The lavish waste, the riot, and excess,
+          Neighbour'd by famine, and the worst distress;
+          The decent few, that keep their own respect,
+          And the contagion of the place reject;
+          The many, who, when once the lobby's pass'd,
+          Away for ever all decorum cast,
+          And think the walls too solid and too high,
+          To let the world behold their infamy."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Ever on the alert for novelty, we hopped into and dined at the Coal Hole
+      Tavern in the Strand, certainly one of the best and cheapest ordinaries in
+      London, and the society not of the meanest. Rhodes himself is a punster
+      and a poet, sings a good song, and sells the best of wine; and what
+      renders mine host more estimable, is the superior manners of the man. Here
+      was congregated together a mixed, but truly merry company, composed of
+      actors, authors, reporters, clerks in public departments, and half-pay
+      officers, full of whim, wit, and eccentricity, which, when the mantling
+      bowl had circulated, did often "set the table in a roar." In the evening,
+      Transit proposed to us a visit to the Life Academy, Somerset House, where
+      he was an admitted student; but on trying the experiment, was not able to
+      effect our introduction: you must therefore be content with <span
+      class="pagenum">[365]</span>his sketch of the <i>true sublime</i>, in
+      which he has contrived to introduce the portraits of several well-known
+      academicians <i>(see plate)</i>.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0034" id="Bimage-0034">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page365.jpg"></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page365th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page365 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      Thus far Horatio Heartly had written, when the unexpected appearance of
+      Bernard Blackmantle in London cut short the thread of his narrative.
+      "Where now, mad-cap?" said the sincere friend of his heart: "what
+      unaccountable circumstance can have brought you to the village in term and
+      out of vacation?" "A very uncommon affair, indeed, for a young author, I
+      assure you: I have had the good fortune to receive a notice from the
+      managers of the two Theatres Royal, that my play is accepted at Covent
+      Garden, and my farce at Drury Lane, and am come up post-haste to read them
+      in the green rooms to-morrow, and take the town by storm before the end of
+      the next month." "It is a dangerous experiment," said Horatio. "I know
+      it," replied the fearless Bernard; "but he who fears danger will never
+      march on to fortune or to victory. I am sure I have a sincere friend in
+      Charles Kemble, if managerial influence can ensure the success of my play;
+      and I have cast my farce so strong, that even with all Elliston's
+      mismanagement, it cannot well fail of making a hit. <i>Nil desperandum</i>
+      is my motto; so a truce with your friendly forebodings of doubts, and
+      fears, and critics' <i>scratches</i>; for I am determined 'to seek the
+      bubble reputation even in the cannon's mouth.'" Thus ended the colloquy,
+      and on the morning of the morrow Bernard was introduced, in due form, to
+      the <i>dramatis personæ</i> of the Theatre Royal, Covent Garden (see
+      plate).
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0035" id="Bimage-0035">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page366.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page366th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page366" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      There is as much difference between the rival companies of the two patent
+      theatres as there is between the habits and conduct of the managers: in
+      Covent Garden, the gentlemanly manners of Charles Kemble, and his amiable
+      desire to make all happy around him, has imparted something of a kindred
+      feeling to the <span class="pagenum">[366]</span>performers; and hence,
+      assisted by the friendly ancient Fawcett, the whole of the establishment
+      has all the united family feeling of a little commonwealth, struggling to
+      secure its independence and popularity. Here Bernard's reception was every
+      thing a young author could wish: kind attention from the company, and
+      considerative hints for the improvement of his play, accompanied with the
+      good wishes of all for its success, left an impression of gratitude upon
+      the mind of the young author, that gave fresh inspiration to his talents,
+      and increased his confidence in his own abilities. At Drury Lane the case
+      was far otherwise; and the want of that friendly attention which
+      distinguished the rival company proved very embarrassing to the early
+      buddings of dramatic genius. Perhaps a slight sketch of the scene might
+      not prove uninstructive to young authors, or fail in its intended effect
+      upon old actors. Reader, imagine Bernard Blackmantle, an enthusiastic and
+      eccentric child of Genius, seated at the green-room table, reading his
+      musical farce to the surrounding company, and then judge what must be the
+      effect of the following little scene.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Blink2H_4_0010" id="Blink2H_4_0010">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      PROGRAMME.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      Bernard Blackmantle reading; Mr. Elliston speaking to Spring, the
+      box-office keeper; and Mr. Winston in a passion, at the door, with the
+      master carpenter; Mr. Knight favouring the Author with a few new ideas;
+      and the whole company engaged in the most amusing way, making side
+      speeches to one another (see plate).
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      DOWTON. 'Gad, renounce me&mdash;little valorous&mdash;d&mdash;&mdash;d
+      annoying, (<i>looking at his watch</i>)&mdash;these long rehearsals always
+      spoil my Vauxhall dinner&mdash;More hints to the Author&mdash;better keep
+      them for his next piece.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[367]</span>MUNDEN (sputtering). My wigs and eyes&mdash;Dowton's
+      a better part than mine; I'll have a fit of the gout, on purpose to get
+      out of it&mdash;that's what I will.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      KNIGHT (to the Author). My dear boy, it strikes me that it might be much
+      improved. (Aside) Got an idea; but can't let him have it for nothing.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      HARLEY (to Elliston). If this piece succeeds, it can't be played every
+      night&mdash;let Fitz. understudy it&mdash;don't breakfast on beef-steaks,
+      now. If you wish to enjoy health&mdash;live at Pimlico&mdash;take a run in
+      the parks&mdash;and read Abernethy on constitutional origin.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      TERRY (to Mrs. Orger). It's a remarkable thing that the manager should
+      allow these d&mdash;&mdash;d interruptions. If it was my piece, I would
+      not suffer it&mdash;that's my opinion.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      WALLACE (to himself). What a little discontented mortal that is!&mdash;it's
+      the best part in the piece, and he wishes it made still better.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ELLISTON (awakening). Silence there, gentlemen, or it will be impossible
+      to settle this important point&mdash;and my property will, in consequence,
+      be much deteriorated. (Enter Boy with brandy and water.) Proceed, sir&mdash;(to
+      Author, after a sip)&mdash;Very spirited indeed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0036" id="Bimage-0036">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page367.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page367th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page367" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Enter Sam. Spring, touching his hat.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SPRING. Underline a special desire, sir, next week? Elliston. No, Sam., I
+      fear our special desires are nearly threadbare.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Prompter's boy calling in at the door. Mr. Octavius Clarke would be glad
+      to speak with Mr. Elliston.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ELLISTON. He be d&mdash;&mdash;d! Silence that noise between Messrs.
+      Winston and Bunn&mdash;and turn out Waterloo Tom.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MADAME VESTRIS. My dear Elliston, do you mean to keep us here all day?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[368]</span>ELLISTON (whispering). I had rather keep
+      you all night, madame.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      SHERWIN (to G. Smith). I wish it may be true that one of our comedians is
+      going to the other house; I shall then stand some chance for a little good
+      business&mdash;at present I have only two decent parts to my back.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      LISTON (as stiff as a poker). If I pass an opinion, I must have an
+      increase of salary; I never unbend on these occasions.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MRS. ORGER (to the author). This part is not so good as Sally Mags. I must
+      take my friend's opinion in the city.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MISS STEPHENS (laughing). I shall only sing one stanza of this ballad&mdash;it's
+      too sentimental.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MISS SMITHSON (aside, but loud enough for the manager to hear). Ton my
+      honour, Mr. Elliston never casts me any thing but the sentimental dolls
+      and <i>la la</i> ladies.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      G&mdash; SMITH (in a full bass voice). Nor me any thing but the rough
+      cottagers and banditti men; but, never mind, my bass solo will do the
+      trick.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      GATTIE (yawning). I wish it was twelve o'clock, for I'm half asleep, and
+      I've made a vow never to take snuff before twelve; if you don't believe
+      me, ask Mrs. G. After the hit I made in Monsieur Tonson, it's d&mdash;d
+      hard they don't write more Frenchmen.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MADAME VESTRIS. Mr. Author, can't you make this a breeches part?&mdash;I
+      shall be <i>all abroad</i> in petticoats.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      BERNARD BLACKMANTLE. I should wish to be <i>at home</i> with Madame
+      Vestris.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MRS. HARLOWE. Really, Mr. Author, this part of mine is a mere clod's wife&mdash;nothing
+      like so good as Dame Ashfield. Could not you introduce a supper-scene?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      At length silence is once more obtained; the author finishes his task, and
+      retires from the <i>Green-room</i> <span class="pagenum">[369]</span>looking
+      as blue as Megrim, and feeling as fretful as the renowned Sir Plagiary. Of
+      the success or failure of the two productions, I shall speak in the next
+      volume; when I propose to give the first night of a new play, with
+      sketches of some of the critical characters who usually attend. In the
+      evening, Transit, Echo, and Heartly enlisted me for the Lord Mayor's ball
+      at the Mansion House&mdash;a most delightful squeeze; and, it being during
+      Waithman's mayoralty, abounding with lots of character for my friend Bob;
+      to whose facetious pencil, I must at present leave the scene (see plate);
+      intending to be more particular in my civic descriptions, should I have
+      the honour of dining with the Corporation next year in their Guildhall.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0037" id="Bimage-0037">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page369a.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page369ath.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page369a" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The wind-up of the term rendered it essentially necessary that I should
+      return to Oxford with all possible expedition, as my absence at such a
+      time, if discovered, might involve me in some unpleasant feeling with the
+      big wigs. Hither I arrived, in due time to save a lecture, and receive an
+      invitation to spend a few weeks in the ensuing year at Cambridge, where my
+      kind friend Horace Eglantine has entered himself of Trinity; and by the
+      way of inducement, has transmitted the characteristic sketch of the
+      notorious Jemmy Gordon playing off one of his mad pranks upon the big wigs
+      of Peter-House, (see plate) the particulars of which, will, with more
+      propriety, come into my sketches at Cambridge.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0038" id="Bimage-0038">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images/page369b.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page369bth.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page369b" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We are here all bustle&mdash;Scouts packing up and posting off to the
+      coach-offices with luggage&mdash;securing places for students, and
+      afterwards clearing places for themselves&mdash;Oxford Duns on the sharp
+      look-out for shy-ones, and pretty girls whimpering at the loss of their
+      lovers&mdash;Dons and Big wigs promising themselves temporal pleasures,
+      and their ladies reviling the mantua-makers for not having used sufficient
+      expedition&mdash;some taking their last farewell of <i>alma mater</i>, and
+      others sighing to behold the joyous faces of affectionate kindred and
+      early friends. Long <span class="pagenum">[370]</span>bills, and still <i>longer</i>
+      promises passing currently&mdash;and the High-street exhibiting a scene of
+      general confusion, until the last coach rattles over Magdalen bridge, and
+      Oxford tradesmen close their <i>oaks</i>.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Bernard Blackmantle.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0039" id="Bimage-0039">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page370.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page370 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      TERM ENDS. <a name="Blink2H_CONC" id="Blink2H_CONC">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Bimage-0040" id="Bimage-0040">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images/page371.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page371 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     ILLUSTRATIONS IN THE  ENGLISH  SPY.
+
+                                                         to face page
+     I.
+
+     A  SHORT SET-TO AT  LONG'S HOTEL;   OR,
+     STOPFORD NOT GETTING THE BEST OF IT.                          14
+
+     II.
+
+     COURTIERS CAROUSING IN A CADGER'S KEN.                        28
+
+     III.
+
+     THE    WAKE;     OR,    TEDDY    O'RAFFERTY'S    LAST
+
+     APPEARANCE.    A Scene in the Holy Land.                      30
+
+     IV.
+     THE CYPRIAN'S BALL AT THE ARGYLL ROOM.                        42
+
+     V.
+
+     JOHN   LISTON AND THE LAMBKINS;  OR, THE
+
+     CITIZEN'S TREAT.                                              57
+
+     VI.
+
+     THE GREAT ACTOR;   OR,  MR PUNCH IN ALL HIS
+
+     GLORY.                                                        62
+
+     Amusements of the lower orders.    Scene in Leicester-fields.
+
+     VII.
+
+     COLLEGE GHOSTS.                                               66
+
+     A Frolic of the Westminster Blacks.   A Scene in Dean's
+     Yard.
+
+     VIII.
+
+     THE MARIGOLD FAMILY ON A PARTY OF PLEA-
+     SURE; OR, THE EFFECT OF A STORM IN THE
+     LITTLE BAY OF BISCAY, otherwise, CHELSEA
+     REACH.                                                        68
+
+     Hints to Fresh Water Sailors, the Alderman and family
+     running foul of the Safety. A bit of Fun for the Westminster
+     Scholars. How to make Ducks and Geese swim after they
+     are cooked.    Calamities of a Cit's Water Party to Richmond.
+
+     IX.
+     THE   EPPING   HUNT   ON   EASTER   MONDAY;    OR,
+     COCKNEY COMICALITIES IN FULL CHASE.                           73
+
+     Lots of Characters and Lots of Accidents, Runaways and
+     Fly-aways, No Goes and Out and Outers, the Flask and the
+     Foolish, Gibs, Spavins, Millers and Trumpeters. The Stag
+     against the Field. Bob Transit's Excursion with the Nacker
+     man.
+
+     X.
+
+     THE TEA-POT ROW AT HARROW; OR, THE BATTLE
+
+     OF HOG LANE.                                                  81
+
+     Harrow boys making a smash among the Crockery, a Scene
+     Sketched from the Life, dedicated to the Sons of Noblemen
+     and Gentlemen participators in the Sport.
+
+     XI.
+
+     THE CIT'S SUNDAY ORDINARY AT THE GATE
+     HOUSE, HIGHGATE; OR, EVERY HOG TO HIS
+     OWN APPLE.                                                    89
+
+     Another Trip with the Marigold Family. Specimens of
+     Gormandizing. Inhabitants of Cockayne ruralizing. Cits and
+     their Cubs.    Cutting Capers, a scramble for a Dinner.
+
+     XII.
+     BULLS AND  BEARS IN  HIGH  BUSTLE; OR,   BILLY
+     WRIGHT'S   PONY   MADE   A   MEMBER   OF   THE
+     STOCK EXCHANGE.                                              124
+
+     Interior view of the Money Market. Portraits of well-known
+     Stock Brokers.    A Scene Sketched from the Life.
+
+     XIII.
+
+     THE PROMENADE AT COWES.                                      162
+
+     With Portraits of noble Commanders and Members of the
+     Royal Yacht Club.
+
+     XIV.
+
+     THE RETURN TO PORT.                                          184
+
+     Sailors Carousing, or a Jollification on board the Piranga.
+
+     XV.
+
+     POINT STREET,  PORTSMOUTH.                                   188
+
+     Chairing the Cockswain. British Tars and their Girls in
+     high Glee.
+
+     XVI.
+
+     EVENING    AND   IN   HIGH   SPIRITS,   A   SCENE  AT
+
+     LONG'S HOTEL, BOND-STREET.                                   192
+
+     Well-known Roués and their Satellites. Portraits from the
+     Life, including the Pea Green Hayne, Tom Best, Lord W.
+     Lennox, Colonel Berkeley, Mr. Jackson, White Headed Bob,
+     Hudson the Tobacconist, John Long, &amp;c. &amp;c.
+
+     XVII.
+
+     MORNING, AND IN LOW SPIRITS, A LOCK UP
+     SCENE IN A SPONGING HOUSE, CAREY STREET.&mdash;
+     A BIT OF GOOD TRUTH.                                         206
+
+     For Particulars, see Work; or inquire of Fat Radford, the
+     Domini of the Domxts.
+
+     XVIII.
+
+     THE HOUSE OF LORDS IN HIGH DEBATE.                           210
+
+     Sketched at the time when II. R. H. the Duke of York was
+     making his celebrated Speech upon the Catholic Question.
+     Portraits of the Dukes of York, Gloucester, Wellington, De-
+     vonshire, Marquesses of Anglesea and Hertford, Earls of Liver-
+     pool, Grey, Westmorland, Bathurst, Eldon, and Pomfret,
+     Lords Holland, King, Ellenborough, &amp;c. &amp;c. and the whole
+     Bench of Bishops.
+
+     XIX.
+
+     THE POINT OF HONOUR DECIDED; OR, THE LEADEN
+
+     ARGUMENTS OF A LOVE AFFAIR.                                  214
+
+     View in Hyde Park. Tom Echo engaged in an affair of
+     honour.    A Chapter on Duelling.
+
+     XX.
+     THE GREAT SUBSCRIPTION ROOM AT BROOKES'S.                    217
+
+     Opposition Members engaged upon Hazardous Points. Por-
+     traits of the Great and the Little well-known Parliamentary
+     Characters.
+
+     XXI.
+
+     THE EVENING  IN   THE   CIRCULAR ROOM;   OR,   A
+
+     SQUEEZE AT CARLTON PALACE.                                   219
+
+     Exquisites and Elegantes making their way to the Presence
+     Chamber. Portraits of Stars of Note and Ton, Blue Ribands
+     and Red Ribands, Army and Navy.
+
+     XXII.
+     THE HIGH STREET, CHELTENHAM.                                 222
+
+     Well-known characters among the Chelts.
+
+     XXIII.
+     GOING OUT.                                                   226
+
+     A View of Berkeley Hunt Kennel.
+
+     XXIV.
+     THE ROYAL WELLS  AT  CHELTENHAM;  OR, SPAS-
+     MODIC AFFECTIONS FROM SPA WATERS.                            245
+     Chronic Affections and Cramp Comicalities.
+
+     XXV.
+
+     THE BAG-MEN'S BANQUET.                                       248
+
+     A View of the Commercial Room at the Bell Inn, Chelten-
+     ham.    Portraits of well-known Travellers.
+
+     XXVI.
+
+     THE OAKLAND COTTAGES, CHELTENHAM; OR, FOX
+     HUNTERS AND THEIR FAVOURITES, A TIT BIT,
+     DONE FROM THE LIFE.                                          268
+
+     Dedicated to the Members of the Berkeley Hunt.
+
+     XXVII.
+
+     DONCASTER  RACE   COURSE   DURING  THE  GREAT
+
+     ST. LEGER RACE, 1825.                                        269
+
+     Well-known Heroes of the Turf.    Legs and Loungers.
+
+     XXVIII.
+
+     THE COMICAL PROCESSION FROM GLOUCESTER
+
+     TO BERKELEY.                                                 288
+
+     XXIX.
+
+     THE POST OFFICE, BRISTOL.                                    293
+
+     Arrival of the London Mail. Lots of News, and New
+     Characters.    Portraits of well-known Bristolians.
+
+     XXX.
+     FANCY BALL AT THE UPPER ROOMS, BATH.                         302
+
+     XXXI.
+     THE PUMP ROOM, BATH.                                         311
+
+     Visitors taking a sip with King Bladud.
+
+     XXXII.
+
+     THE  OLD  BEAU  AND  FALSE  BELLE;  OR,   MR.   B.
+
+     AND MISS L.                                                  316
+
+     A Bath Story.
+
+     XXXIII.
+     THE   PUBLIC   BATHS   AT   BATH;    OR,    STEWING
+
+     ALIVE.                                                       320
+
+     Bernard BlackmantlE and Bob Transit taking a Dip with
+     King Bladud. Union of the Sexes. Welsh Wigs and
+     Decency.    No Swimming or Plunging allowed.
+
+     XXXIV.
+
+     MILSOM   STREET   AND   BOND   STREET,   OR   BATH
+
+     SWELLS.                                                      326
+
+     Well-known Characters at the Court of King Bladud.
+
+     XXXV.
+
+     THE   BUFF   CLUB   AT   THE   PIG   AND   WHISTLE,
+
+     AVON STREET, BATH.                                           332
+
+     A Bit of Real Life in the Territories of old King Bladud.
+
+     XXXVI.
+
+     THE BOWLING ALLEY AT WORCESTER; OR, THE
+     WELL-KNOWN CHARACTERS OF THE HAND AND
+     GLOVE CLUB.                                                  335
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     ENGRAVINGS ON WOOD.
+
+     1.  The Gate House, Highgate, Citizens toiling up the Hill
+         to the Sunday Ordinary                                   109
+
+     2.   A Lame Duck waddling out of the Stock Exchange          139
+
+     3.   The Dandy Candy Man, a Cheltenham Vignette              283
+
+     4.   The Floating Harbour and Welsh Back, Bristol.           292
+
+     5.  Bath  Market-place,   with Portraits of the celebrated
+     Orange Women                                                 295
+
+     6.  The Sporting Club at the Castle Tavern.    Portraits of
+     Choice Spirits                                               300
+
+     7.  The Battle of the Chairs                                 306
+
+     8.  Vignette.    Portraits of Blackmantle the English Spy,
+     and Transit                                                  343
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br /> <a name="Clink2H_4_0001" id="Clink2H_4_0001">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE ENGLISH SPY.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Nor rank, nor order, nor condition,
+          Imperial, lowly, or patrician,
+          Shall, when they see this volume, cry,
+          "The satirist has pass'd us by:"
+          But, with good humour, view our page
+          Depict the manners of the age.
+          Vide Work.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Clink2H_INTR" id="Clink2H_INTR">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      INTRODUCTION TO THE SECOND VOLUME.
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      BERNARD BLACKMANTLE TO THE PUBLIC.
+    </h3>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "The Muse's office was by Heaven design'd
+          To please, improve, instruct, reform mankind."
+          &mdash;Churchill.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Readers!&mdash;friends, I may say, for your flattering support has enabled
+      me to continue my Sketches of Society to a second volume with that
+      prospect of advantage to all concerned which makes labour delightful&mdash;accept
+      this fresh offering of an eccentric, but grateful mind, to that shrine
+      where alone he feels he owes any submission&mdash;the tribunal of Public
+      Opinion. In starting for the goal of my ambition, the prize of your
+      approbation, I have purposely avoided the beaten track of other periodical
+      writers, choosing for my subjects scenes and characters of real life,
+      transactions of our own times, <i>characteristic, satirical, and humorous</i>,
+      confined to no particular place, and carefully avoiding every thing like
+      personal ill-nature or party feeling. My associates, the Artists and
+      Publishers, are not less anxious than myself to acknowledge their
+      gratitude; and we intend to prove, by our united endeavours, how highly we
+      appreciate the extensive patronage we have already obtained.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      BERNARD BLACKMANTLE,
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img alt="page004 (28K)" src="images2/page004.jpg" width="100%" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Clink2H_4_0003" id="Clink2H_4_0003">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img alt="page005 (100K)" src="images2/page005.jpg" width="100%" />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      ODE, CONGRATULATORY AND ADVISIORY,
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      TO BERNARD BLACKMANTLE, ESQ.
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      ON THE COMPLETION OF HIS FIRST VOLUME OF THE SPY.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     "I smell a rat."&mdash;Book of Common Parlance.
+
+     "More sinned against than sinning."&mdash;William Shakspeare.
+
+     "The very <i>Spy</i> o' the time."&mdash;Ibid.
+
+          Well done, my lad, you've run on strong
+          Amidst the bustle of life's throng,
+          Nor thrown a <i>spavin</i> yet;
+          You've gone at score, your pace has told;
+          I hope, my boy, your wind will hold&mdash;
+          You've others yet to fret.
+
+          You've told the town that you are <i>fly</i>
+          To cant, and rant, and trickery;
+          And that whene'er you doze,
+          Like Bristol men, you never keep
+          But one eye closed&mdash;so you can tweak
+          E'en then a scoundrel's nose.
+
+          Pull up, and rinse your mouth a bit;
+          It is hot work, this race of wit,
+          And sets the bellows piping;
+          Next Vol. you'll grind <i>the flats</i> again,
+          And file the <i>sharps</i> unto the grain,
+          Their very stomachs griping.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[6]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          But why, good Bernard, do you dream
+          That we Reviewers scorn the cream{1}
+          Arising from your jokes?
+          Upon my soul, we love some fun
+          As well as any 'neath the sun,
+          Although we fight in cloaks.
+
+          Heav'n help thee, boy, we are not they
+          Who only go to damn a play,
+          And cackle in the pit;
+          Like good Sir William Curtis{2} we
+          Can laugh at <i>nous</i> and drollery,
+          Though of ourselves 'twere writ.
+
+          Was yours but sky blue milk and water,
+          We'd hand you over to the slaughter
+          Of cow committee-men{3};
+          For butterflies, and "such small deer,"
+          Are much beneath our potent spear&mdash;
+          The sharp gray goose-wing'd pen.
+
+     1 See my friend Bernard's <i>cracker</i> to the reviewers in No.
+     12, a perfect fifth of November bit of <i>firework</i>, I can
+     assure you, good people. But it won't go off with me without
+     a brand from the bonfire in return.    "Bear this bear all."
+
+     2 Have you ever dared the "salt sea ocean," my readers, with
+     the alderman admiral? If not, know that he has as pretty a
+     collection of caricatures in his cabin, and all against his
+     own sweet self, as need be wished to heal sea-sickness. Is
+     not this magnanimity? I think so. The baronet is really "a
+     worthy gentleman."
+
+     3 Vide advertisements of "Alderney Milk Company." What
+     company shall we keep next, my masters? Mining companies, or
+     steam brick companies, or washing companies? How many of
+     them will be in the suds anon? Pshaw! throw physic to the
+     projectors&mdash;I prefer strong beer well hopped.
+
+          But yours we feel is sterner stuff,
+          And though perchance <i>too much in huff</i>,
+          <i>More natural</i> you will swear;
+          It really shows such game and pluck,
+          That we could take with you "pot luck,"
+          And deem it decent fare.
+
+          But, 'pon our <i>conscience</i>, bonny lad,
+          (We've got <i>some</i>, boy), it is too bad
+          So fiercely to show fight;
+          Gadzooks, 'tis time when comes the foe
+          To strip and sport a word and blow,
+          My dear pugnacious wight!
+
+          'Tis very wise, T own, to pull
+          Fast by the horns some butting bull,
+          When 'gainst yourself he flies;
+          But to attack that sturdy beast,
+          When he's no thoughts on you to feast,
+          Is very <i>otherwise</i>.
+
+          But we'll forgive your paper balls,
+          Which on our jackets hurtless falls,
+
+          Like hail upon a tower:
+          Pray put wet blankets on your ire;
+          Really, good sir, we've no desire
+          To blight so smart a flower.
+
+          Well, then, I see no reason why
+          There should be war, good Mister Spy
+          So, faith! we'll be allies;
+          And if we must have fights and frays,
+          We'll shoot at pride and poppinjays,
+
+          And folly as it flies.
+          There's field enough for both to <i>beat</i>
+          Employment for our hands, eyes, feet,
+          To mark the quarry down,
+          <i>Black game</i> and white game a full crop,
+          Fine birds, fine feathers for to lop,
+          In country and in town.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[8]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          New city <i>specs</i>, new west-end rigs,
+          New gas-blown boots, new steam-curl'd wigs,
+          New fashionable schools,
+          New dandies, and new Bond-street dons,
+          And new intrigues, and new crim cons,
+          New companies of fools.{4}
+
+          Maria Foote and Edmund Kean,
+          The "lions" just now of the scene,
+          Shall yield to newer fun;
+          For all our wonders at the best
+          Are cast off for a newer vest,
+          After a nine days' run.
+
+          Old beaux at Bath, manoeuvring belles,
+          And pump-room puppies, Melsom swells,
+          And Mr. <i>Heaviside</i>,{5}
+          And Cheltenham carders,{6} every <i>runt</i>,
+
+     4 See note 3, page 6.
+
+     5 Mr. Heaviside, the polite M. C. of Bath. He has the finest
+     cauliflower head of hair I over remember; but it covers a
+     world of wit, for all that, and therefore however it may
+     appear, it certainly is not the heavy side of him.
+
+     6 Cards, cards, cards, nothing but cards from "rosy morn to
+     dewy eve" at the town of Cheltenham. Whist, with the sun
+     shining upon their sovereigns, one would think a sovereign
+     remedy for their waste of the blessed day&mdash;<i>écarte</i>, whilst
+     the blue sky is mocking the blue countenances of your thirty
+     pound losers in as many seconds. Is it not marvellous?
+     Fathers, husbands, men who profess to belong to the Church.
+     By Jupiter! instead of founding the new university they talk
+     about, they had better make it for the pupilage of perpetual
+     card-players, and let them take their degrees by the
+     cleverness in odd tricks, or their ability in shuffling. "No
+     offence, Gregory." "No wonder they have their decrepit ones,
+     their ranters."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[9]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          The playhouse, Berkeley, and "the hunt,"
+          With Marshall{7} by their side.
+
+          All these and more I should be loth
+          To let escape from one or both,
+          So saddle for next heat:
+          The bell is rung, the course is cleared,
+          Mount on your hobby, "nought afear'd,"
+          <i>Black-jacket</i> can't be beat.
+
+          "Dum <i>spiro</i> spero" shout, and ride
+          Till you have 'scalp'd old Folly's hide,
+          And none a kiss will waft her;
+          Bind all the fools in your new book,
+          That "I spy!" may lay my hook,
+          And d&mdash;n them nicely after.
+
+          An Honest Reviewer.{8}
+
+          Given at my friend, "Sir John Barleycorn's"
+          Chambers, Tavistock, Covent Garden, this the
+          19th, day of February, 1825, "almost at odds
+          with morning."
+
+     7 Mr. Marshall, the M. C. of Cheltenham. "Wear him in your
+     heart's core, Horatio." I knew him well, a "fellow of
+     infinite jest."    A long reign and a merry one to him.
+
+     8 My anonymous friend will perceive that I estimate his wit
+     and talent quite as much as his honesty: had he not been
+     such a <i>rara avis</i> he would have been consigned to the "tomb
+     of all the Capulets."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Clink2H_4_0004" id="Clink2H_4_0004">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CYTHEREAN BEAUTIES.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "The trav'ller, if he chance to stray,
+          May turn uncensured to his way;
+          Polluted streams again are pure,
+          And deepest wounds admit a cure;
+          But woman no redemption knows&mdash;
+          The wounds of honour never close."
+          &mdash;Moore.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[10]</span>Tremble not, ye fair daughters of
+      chastity! frown not, ye moralists! as your eyes rest upon the significant
+      title to our chapter, lest we should sacrifice to curiosity the blush of
+      virtue. We are painters of real life in all its varieties, but our
+      colouring shall not be over-charged, or our characters out of keeping. The
+      glare of profligacy shall be softened down or so neutralized as not to
+      offend the most delicate feelings. In sketching the reigning beauties of
+      the time, we shall endeavour to indulge the lovers of variety without
+      sacrificing the fair fame of individuals, or attempting to make vice
+      respectable. Pleasure is our pursuit, but we are accompanied up the
+      flowery ascent by Contemplation and Reflection, two monitors that shrink
+      back, like sensitive plants, as the thorns press upon them through the
+      ambrosial beds of new-blown roses. In our record of the daughters of
+      Pleasure, we shall only notice those who are distinguished as <i>belles of
+      ton&mdash;stars</i> of the first magnitude in the hemisphere of Fashion;
+      and of these the reader may say, with one or two exceptions, they "come
+      like shadows, so depart." We would rather excite sympathy and pity for the
+      <span class="pagenum">[11]</span>unfortunate, than by detailing all we
+      know produce the opposite feelings of obloquy and detestation.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "Unhappy sex! when beauty is your snare,
+          Exposed to trials, made too frail to bear."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Then, oh! ye daughters of celestial Virtue, point not the scoffing glance
+      at these, her truant children, as ye pass them by&mdash;but pity, and
+      afford them a gleam of cheerful hope: so shall ye merit the protection of
+      Him whose chief attribute is charity and universal benevolence. And ye,
+      lords of the creation! commiserate their misfortunes, which owe their
+      origin to the baseness of the seducer, and the natural depravity of your
+      own sex.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Clink2H_4_0005" id="Clink2H_4_0005">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      LADIES OF DISTINCTION,
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      "DANS LE PARTERRE DES IMPURES."
+    </h3>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "Simplex sigillum veri."
+
+          "Nought is there under heav'n's wide hollowness
+          That moves more dear, compassion of the mind,
+          Than beauty brought t' unworthy wretchedness."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[12]</span>If ever there was a fellow formed by
+      nature to captivate and conquer the heart of lovely woman, it is that
+      arch-looking, light-hearted Apollo, Horace Eglantine, with his
+      soul-enlivening conversational talents, his scraps of poetry, and puns,
+      and fashionable anecdote; his chivalrous form and noble carriage, joined
+      to a mirth-inspiring countenance and soft languishing blue eye, which sets
+      half the delicate bosoms that surround him palpitating between hope and
+      fear; then a glance at his well-shaped leg, or the fascination of an
+      elegant compliment, smilingly overleaping a pearly fence of more than
+      usual whiteness and regularity, fixes the fair one's doom; while the young
+      rogue, triumphing in his success, turns on his heel and plays off another
+      battery on the next pretty susceptible piece of enchanting simplicity that
+      accident may throw into his way. "Who is that attractive star before whose
+      influential light he at present seems to bow with adoration?" "A <i>fallen
+      one</i>," said Crony, to whom the question was addressed, as he rode up
+      the drive in Hyde Park, towards Cumberland-gate, accompanied by Bernard
+      Blackmantle. "A <i>fallen one</i>" reiterated the Oxonian&mdash;"Impossible!"
+      "Why, I have marked the fair daughter of Fashion myself for the last
+      fortnight constantly in the drive with one of the most superb <span
+      class="pagenum">[13]</span>equipages among the <i>ton</i> of the day."
+      "True," responded Crony, "and might have done so for any time these three
+      years." In London these daughters of Pleasure are like physicians
+      travelling about to destroy in all sorts of ways, some on foot, others on
+      horseback, and the more finished lolling in their carriages, ogling and
+      attracting by the witchery of bright eyes; the latter may, however, very
+      easily be known, by the usual absence of all armorial bearings upon the
+      panel, the chariot elegant and in the newest fashion, generally
+      dark-coloured, and lined with crimson to cast a rich glow upon the
+      occupant, and the servants in plain frock liveries, with a cockade, of
+      course, to imply their mistresses have <i>seen service</i>. I know but of
+      one who sports any heraldic ornament, and that is the female Giovanni, who
+      has the very appropriate crest of a serpent coiled, and preparing to
+      spring upon its prey, <i>à la Cavendish</i>. The <i>elegante</i> in the
+      dark <i>vis</i>, to whom our friend Horace is paying court, is the <i>ci-devant</i>
+      Lady Ros&mdash;b&mdash;y, otherwise Clara W&mdash;&mdash;.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      By the peer she has a son, and from the plebeian a pension of two hundred
+      pounds per annum: her origin, like most of the frail sisterhood, is very
+      obscure; but Clara certainly possesses talents of the first order, and
+      evinces a generosity of disposition to her sisters and family that is
+      deserving of commendation. In person, she is plump and well-shaped, but of
+      short stature, with a fine dark eye and raven locks that give considerable
+      effect to an otherwise interesting countenance. A few years since she had
+      a penchant for the stage, and played repeatedly at one of the minor
+      theatres, under the name of "The Lady;" a character Clara can, when she
+      pleases, support with unusual <i>gaieté</i>: instance her splendid parties
+      in Manchester-street, Manchester-square, where I have seen a coruscation
+      of beauties assembled together that must have made great havoc in their
+      time among the hearts of the young, the gay, and the generous. Like <span
+      class="pagenum">[14]</span>most of her society, Clara has no idea of
+      prudence, and hence to escape some pressing importunities, she levanted
+      for a short time to Scotland, but has since, by the liberal advances of
+      her present delusive, been enabled to quit the interested apprehensions of
+      the <i>Dun</i> family. The swaggering belle in the green pelisse yonder,
+      on the <i>pavé</i>, is the celebrated courtezan, Mrs. St*pf**d, of
+      Curzon-street, May-fair. How she acquired her present cognomen I know not,
+      unless it was for her <i>stopping</i> accomplishment in the polite science
+      of pugilism and modern patter, in both of which she is a finished
+      proficient, as poor John D&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;, a dashing savoury
+      chemist, can vouch for.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      On a certain night, she followed this unfaithful swain, placing herself
+      (unknown to him) behind his carriage, to the house of a rival sister of
+      Cytherea, Mrs. St**h**e, and there enforced, by divers potent means, due
+      submission to the laws of Constancy and Love; but as such compulsory
+      measures were not in <i>good taste</i> with the <i>protector's</i>
+      feelings, the contract was soon void, and the lady once more liberated to
+      choose another and another swain, with a pension of two hundred pounds per
+      annum, and a well-furnished house into the bargain. She was formerly, and
+      when first she came out, the <i>chère amie</i> of Tom B&mdash;&mdash;-,
+      who had, in spite of his science recently, in a short affair at Long's
+      hotel, not much the Best of it. (See plate).
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Cimage-0004" id="Cimage-0004">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page015.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page015th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page015" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <h4>
+      [Please click on any of the Color Plates to enlarge them to full size]
+    </h4>
+    <p>
+      From him she bolted, and enlisted with an officer of the nineteenth
+      Lancers; but not liking the house of Montague, she obtained the Grant of a
+      furlough, and has since indulged in a plurality of lovers, without much
+      attention to size, age, persons, or professions. Of her talent in love
+      affairs, we have given some specimens; and her courage in war can never be
+      doubted after the formidable attack she recently made upon General Sir
+      John D***e, returning through Hounslow from a review, from which <i>rencontre</i>
+      she has obtained the appropriate appellation of the <i>Brazen <span
+      class="pagenum">[15]</span> Bellona</i>. A pretty round face, dark hair,
+      and fine bushy eyebrows, are no mean attractions; independent of which the
+      lady is always upon good terms with herself. The <i>belle whip</i> driving
+      the cabriolet, with a chestnut horse and four white legs, is the <i>Edgeware
+      Diana</i> Mrs. S***h, at present engaged in a partnership affair, in the
+      foreign line, with two citizens, Messrs O. R. and S.; the peepholes at the
+      side of her machine imply more than mere curiosity, and are said to have
+      been invented by General Ogle, for the use of the ladies when on active
+      service. The beautiful little Water Lily in the chocolate-coloured
+      chariot, with a languishing blue eye and alabaster skin, is Mrs. Ha****y,
+      otherwise K**d***k, of Gr&mdash;n-street, a great favourite with all who
+      know her, from the elegance of her manners and the attractions of her
+      person (being perfect symmetry); at present she is under the <i>special
+      protection</i> of a city stave merchant, and has the <i>reputation</i> of
+      being very sincere in her attachments.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "You must have been a desperate fellow in your time, Crony," said I,
+      "among the belles of this class, or you could never have become so
+      familiar with their history." "It is the fashion," replied the veteran,
+      "to understand these matters; among the <i>bons vivants</i> of the present
+      day a fellow would be suspected of <i>chastity</i>, or regarded as <i>uncivilized</i>,
+      who could not run through the history of the reigning beauties of the
+      times, descanting upon their various charms with poetical fervor, or
+      illuminating, as he proceeds, with some choice anecdotes of the <i>Paphian
+      divinities</i>, their protectors and propensities; and to do the fair <i>Citherians</i>
+      justice, they are not much behindhand with us in that respect, for the
+      whole conversation of the sisterhood turns upon the figure, fortune,
+      genius, or generosity of the admiring beaux. To a young and ardent mind,
+      just emerging from scholastic discipline, with feelings uncontaminated by
+      <span class="pagenum">[16]</span>fashionable levities, and a purse equal
+      to all pleasurable purposes, a correct knowledge of the mysteries of the
+      <i>Citherian principles of astronomy</i> may be of the most essential
+      consequence, not less in protecting his <i>morals and health</i> than in
+      the preservation of life and fortune. One half the duels, suicides, and <i>fashionable
+      bankruptcies</i> spring from this polluted source. The stars of this order
+      rise and fall in estimation, become fixed planets or meteors of the most
+      enchanting brilliancy, in proportion not to the grace of modesty, or the
+      fascination of personal beauty, but to the notoriety and number of their
+      amours, and the peerless dignity of their plurality of lovers.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Place the goddess of Love on the pedestal of Chastity, in the sacred
+      recesses of the grove of Health, veiled by virgin Innocence, and robed in
+      celestial Purity, and who among the <i>cameleon</i> race of fashionable <i>roués</i>
+      would incur the charge of <i>Vandalism</i>, or turn aside to pay devotion
+      at her shrine? but let the salacious deity of Impurity mount the car of
+      Profligacy, and drive forth in all the glare of crimson and gold, and a
+      thousand devotees are ready to sacrifice their honour upon her profligate
+      altars, or chain themselves to her chariot wheels as willing slaves to
+      worship and adore."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Let us take another turn up the drive," said I, "for I am willing to
+      confess myself much interested in this <i>new system of astronomy</i>, and
+      perhaps we may discover a few more of the <i>terrestrial planets</i>, and
+      observe the <i>stars</i> that move around their frail orbits." "I must
+      first make you acquainted with the signs of the <i>Paphian zodiac</i>,"
+      said Crony; "for every one of these attractions have their peculiar and
+      appropriate fashionable appellations. I have already introduced you to the
+      <i>Bang Bantum</i>, Mrs Bertram; the <i>London Leda</i>, Moll Raffles; the
+      <i>Spanish Nun</i>, St. Margurite; the <i>Sparrow Hawk</i>, Augusta
+      C****e{1}; the <i>Golden</i>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 See vol. i.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[17]</span><i>Pippin</i>, Mrs. C.; the <i>White Crow</i>,
+      Clara W****; the <i>Brazen Bellona</i>, Mrs. St**f**d; the <i>Edgeware
+      Diana</i>, Mrs. S**th; and the <i>Water Lily Symmeterian</i>, Ha**l*y&mdash;<i>all
+      planets</i> of the first order, carriage curiosities. Let us now proceed
+      to make further observations. The <i>jolie</i> dame yonder, in the
+      phaeton, drawn by two fine bays, is called the <i>White Doe</i>, from her
+      first deer protector; and although somewhat on the decline, she is yet an
+      exhibit of no mean attraction, and a lady of fortune. Thanks to the
+      liberality of an old hewer of stone, and the talismanic powers of the <i>golden
+      Ball</i>, deserted by her last swain since his marriage, she now reclines
+      upon the velvet cushion of Independence, enjoying in the Kilburn retreat,
+      her <i>otium cum dignitate</i>, secure from the rude winds of adversity,
+      and in the occasional society of a few old friends. The lovely Thais in
+      the brown chariot, with a fine Roman countenance, dark hair, and sparkling
+      eyes, is the favourite elect of a well-known whig member; here she passes
+      by the name of the <i>Comic Muse</i>, the first letter of which will also
+      answer for the leading initial of her theatrical cognomen. Her, private
+      history is well-known to every son of <i>old Etona</i> who has taken a <i>toodle</i>
+      over Windsor-bridge on a market-day within the last fifteen years, her
+      parents being market gardeners in the neighbourhood; and her two unmarried
+      sisters, both fine girls, are equally celebrated with the Bath
+      orange-women for the neatness of their dress and comeliness of their
+      persons. There is a sprightliness and good-humour about the <i>Comic Muse</i>
+      that turns aside the shafts of ill-nature; and had she made her selection
+      more in accordance with propriety, and her own age, she might have escaped
+      our notice; but, alas!" said Crony, "she forgets that
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'The rose's age is but a day;
+          Its bloom, the pledge of its decay,
+          Sweet in scent, in colour bright,
+          It blooms at morn and fades at night.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[18]</span>At this moment a dashing little
+      horsewoman trotted by in great style, followed by a servant in blue and
+      gold livery; her bust was perfection itself, but studded with the oddest
+      pair of <i>ogles</i> in the world, and Crony assured me (report said) her
+      person was supported by the shortest pair of legs, for an adult, in
+      Christendom. "That is the <i>queen</i> of the <i>dandysettes</i>," said my
+      old friend, "Sophia, Selina, or, as she is more generally denominated, <i>Galloping</i>
+      W****y, from a <i>long Pole</i>, who settled the interest of five thousand
+      upon her for her natural life; she is since said to have married her
+      groom, with, however, this prudent stipulation, that he is still to ride
+      behind her in public, and answer all demands in <i>propria persona</i>.
+      She is constantly to be seen at all masquerades, and may be easily known
+      by her utter contempt for the incumbrance of decent costume." "How d'ye
+      do? How d'ye do?" said a most elegant creature, stretching forth her
+      delicate white kid-covered arm over the <i>fenêtre</i> of Lord
+      Hxxxxxxx*h's <i>vis à vis</i>. "Ah! <i>bon jour, ma chère amie</i>," said
+      old Crony, waving his hand and making one of his best bows in return. "You
+      are a happy dog," said I, "old fellow, to be upon such pleasant terms with
+      that divinity. No plebeian blood there, I should think: a peeress, I
+      perceive, by the coronet on the panels." "<i>A peine cognoist, ou la femme
+      et le melon</i>," responded Crony, "you shall hear. Among the <i>ton</i>
+      she passes by the name of Vestina the Titan, from her being such a
+      finished tactician in the campaigns of Venus;. her ordinary appellation is
+      Mrs. St&mdash;h&mdash;pe: whether this be a <i>nom de guerre or a nom de
+      terre</i>, I shall not pretend to decide; if we admit that <i>la chose est
+      toute</i>, <i>et que la nom n'y fait rien</i>, the rest is of no
+      consequence. It would be an intricate task to unravel the family web of
+      our fashionable frail ones, although that of many frail fashionables
+      stands high in heraldry. The lady in question, although in 'the sear o'
+      the leaf,' is yet in high request; 'fat, fair, and forty' shall I say?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[19]</span>Alas! that would have been more suitable
+      ten years since; but, <i>n'importe</i>, she has the science to conceal the
+      ravages of time, and is yet considered attractive. No one better
+      understands the art of intrigue; and she is, moreover, a travelled dame,
+      not deficient in intellect, full of anecdote; and as <i>conjugation and
+      declension</i> go hand in hand with some men of taste, she has risen into
+      notice when others usually decline. A sporting colonel is said to have
+      formerly contributed largely to her comforts, and her tact in matters of
+      business is notorious; about two hundred per annum she derived from the
+      Stock Exchange, and her present <i>peerless protector</i> no doubt
+      subscribes liberally. To be brief, Laura has money in the funds, a
+      splendid house, carriage, gives her grand parties, and lives
+      proportionably expensive and elegant; yet with all this she has taken care
+      that the age of gold may succeed to the age of brass, that the retirement
+      of her latter days may not be overclouded by the storms of adversity. She
+      had two sisters, both gay, who formerly figured on the <i>pavé</i>, Sarah
+      and Louisa; but of late they have disappeared, report says, to <i>conjugate</i>
+      in private. Turn your eyes towards the promenade," said Crony, "and
+      observe that constellation of beauties, three in number, who move along <i>le
+      verd gazon</i>: they are denominated the <i>Red Rose</i>, the <i>Moss Rose</i>,
+      and the <i>Cabbage Rose</i>. The first is Rose Co*l**d, a dashing belle,
+      who has long figured in high life; her first appearance was in company
+      with Lord William F***g***ld, by whom she has a child living; from thence
+      we trace her to the protection of another peer, Lord Ty*****], and from
+      him gradually declining to the rich relative of a northern baronet,
+      sportive little Jack R*****n, whose favourite <i>lauda finem</i> she
+      continued for some time; but as the law engrossed rather too much of her
+      protector's affairs, so the fair engrossed rather too much of the law;
+      whether she has yet given up <span class="pagenum">[20]</span>practice in
+      the King's Bench I cannot determine, but her appearance here signifies
+      that she will accept a fee from any side; Rose has long since lost every
+      tint of the maiden's blush, and is now in the full blow of her beauty and
+      maturity, but certainly not without considerable personal attractions;
+      with some her <i>nom de guerre</i> is <i>Rosa longa</i>, and a wag of the
+      day says, that Rose is a beauty in <i>spite of her teeth</i>. The <i>Moss
+      Rose</i> has recently changed her cognomen with her residence, and is now
+      Mrs. F**, of Beaumout-street; she was never esteemed a <i>planet</i>, and
+      may be now said to have sunk into a star of the second order, a little <i>twinkling
+      light</i>, useful to assist elderly gentlemen in finding their way to the
+      Paphian temple. The <i>Cabbage Rose</i> is one of your vulgar beauties,
+      ripe as a peach, and rich in countenance as the ruby: if she has never
+      figured away with the peerage, she has yet the credit of being entitled to
+      <i>three balls</i> on her coronet, and an <i>old uncle</i> to support
+      them: she has lately taken a snug box in Park-place, Regent's-park, and
+      lives in very good style. The belle in the brown chariot, gray horses, and
+      blue liveries is now the lady of a baronet, and one of three <i>graceless
+      graces</i>, the Elxxxxx's, who, because their father kept a livery stable,
+      must needs all go to <i>rack</i>: she has a large family living by Mr.
+      V*l*b***s, whom she left for the honour of her present connexion. That she
+      is married to the baronet, there is no doubt; and it is but justice to
+      add, she is one among the many instances of such compromises in
+      fashionable life who are admitted into society upon sufferance, and falls
+      into the class of demi-respectables. Among the park beaux she is known by
+      the appellation of the <i>Doldrums</i> her two sisters have been missing
+      some time, and it is said are now rusticating in Paris." My friend
+      Eglantine had evidently fled away with the white crow, and the
+      fashionables were rapidly decreasing in the drive, when Crony, whose scent
+      of <span class="pagenum">[21]</span>dinner hour is as staunch as that of
+      an old pointer at game, gave evident symptoms of his inclination to
+      masticate. "We must take another opportunity to finish our lecture on the
+      principles of <i>Citherian astronomy</i>," said the old beau, "for as yet
+      we are not half through the list of constellations. I have a great desire
+      to introduce you to Harriette Wilson and her sisters, whose true history
+      will prove very entertaining, particularly as the fair writer has
+      altogether omitted the genuine anecdotes of herself and family in her
+      recently published memoirs." At dinner we were joined by Horace Eglantine
+      and Bob Transit, from the first of whom we learned, that a grand fancy
+      ball was to take place at the Argyll Rooms in the course of the ensuing
+      week, under the immediate direction of four fashionable impures, and at
+      the expense of General Trinket, a broad-shouldered Milesian, who having
+      made a considerable sum by the commissariat service, had returned home to
+      spend his Peninsular pennies among the Paphian dames of the metropolis.
+      For this entertainment we resolved to obtain tickets, and as the ci-devant
+      lady H***e was to be patroness, Crony assured us there would be no
+      difficulty in that respect, added to which, he there promised to finish
+      his sketches of the Citherian beauties of the metropolis, and afford my
+      friend Transit an opportunity of sketching certain portraits both of
+      Paphians and their paramours.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Cimage-0005" id="Cimage-0005">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page021.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page021 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Clink2H_4_0006" id="Clink2H_4_0006">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE WAKE;
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      OR,
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      TEDDY O'RAFFERTY'S LAST APPEARANCE. A SCENE IN THE HOLY LAND. <span
+      class="pagenum">[22]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+         'Twas at Teddy O'Rafferty's wake,
+          Just to comfort ould Judy, his wife,
+          The lads of the hod had a frake.
+          And kept the thing up to the life.
+          There was Father O'Donahoo, Mr. Delany,
+          Pat Murphy the doctor, that rebel O'Shaney,
+          Young Terence, a nate little knight o' the hod,
+          And that great dust O'Sullivan just out o' quod;
+          Then Florence the piper, no music is riper,
+          To all the sweet cratures with emerald fatures
+          Who came to drink health to the dead.
+          Not Bryan Baroo had a louder shaloo
+          When he gave up his breath, to that tythe hunter death,
+          Than the howl over Teddy's cowld head:
+          'Twas enough to have rais'd up a saint.
+          All the darlings with whiskey so faint,
+          And the lads full of fight, had a glorious night,
+          When ould Teddy was wak'd in his shed.
+          &mdash;Original.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      He who has not travelled in Ireland should never presume to offer an
+      opinion upon its natives. It is not from the wealthy absentees, who since
+      the union have abandoned their countrymen to wretchedness, for the
+      advancement of their own ambitious views, that we can form a judgment of
+      the exalted Irish: nor is it from the lowly race, who driven forth by
+      starving penury, crowd our more prosperous shores, <span class="pagenum">[23]</span>that
+      we can justly estimate the true character of the peasantry of that unhappy
+      country. The Memoirs of Captain Rock may have done something towards
+      removing the national prejudices of Englishmen; while the frequent and
+      continued agitation of that important question, the Emancipation of the
+      Catholics, has roused a spirit of inquiry in every worthy bosom that will
+      much advantage the oppressed, and, eventually, diffuse a more general and
+      generous feeling towards the Irish throughout civilized Europe. I have
+      been led into this strain of contemplation, by observing the ridiculous
+      folly and wasteful expenditure of the nobility and fashionables of Great
+      Britain; who, neglecting their starving tenantry and kindred friends,
+      crowd to the shores of France and Italy in search of scenery and variety,
+      without having the slightest knowledge of the romantic beauties and
+      delightful landscapes, which abound in the three kingdoms of the Rose, the
+      Shamrock, and the Thistle. How much good might be done by the examples of
+      a few illustrious, noble, and wealthy individuals, making annual visits to
+      Ireland and Scotland! what a field does it afford for true enjoyment! how
+      superior, in most instances, the accommodations and security; and how
+      little, if at all inferior, to the scenic attractions of foreign
+      countries. Then too the gratification of observing the progress of
+      improvement in the lower classes, of administering to their wants, and
+      consoling with them under their patient sufferings from oppressive laws,
+      rendered perhaps painfully necessary by the political temperature of the
+      times or the unforgiving suspicions of the past. But I am becoming
+      sentimental when I ought to be humorous, contemplative when I should be
+      characteristic, and seriously sententious when I ought to be playfully
+      satirical. Forgive me, gentle reader, if from the collapse of the spirit,
+      I have for a moment turned aside from the natural gaiety of my <span
+      class="pagenum">[24]</span>style, to give utterance to the warm feelings
+      of an eccentric but generous heart. But, <i>allons</i> to the wake.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Plaze ye'r honor," said Barney O'Finn (my groom of the chambers), "may I
+      be <i>axing</i> a holiday to-night?" "It will be very inconvenient,
+      Barney; but&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;" "But, your honor's not the jontleman to
+      refuse a small trate o' the sort," said Barney, anticipating the
+      conclusion of my objection. There was some thing unusually anxious about
+      the style of the poor fellow's request that made me hesitate in the
+      refusal. "It's not myself that would be craving the favor, but a poor dead
+      cousin o' mine, heaven rest his sowl!" "And how can the granting of such a
+      request benefit your departed relation, Barney?" quoth I, not a little
+      puzzled by the strangeness of the application. "Sure, that's mighty <i>dare</i>
+      of comprehension, your honor. Teddy O'Rafferty was my own mother's
+      brother's son, and devil o' like o' him there was in all Kilgobbin: we
+      went to ould Father O'Rourke's school together when we were spalpeens, and
+      ate our <i>paraters</i> and butter-milk out o' the same platter; many's
+      the scrape we've been in together: bad luck to the ould schoolmaster, for
+      he flogged all the <i>larning</i> out o' poor Teddy, and all the liking
+      for't out of Barney O'Finn, that's myself, your honor&mdash;so one dark
+      night we took advantage of the moon, and having joined partnership in
+      property put it all into a Limerick silk handkerchief, with which we made
+      the best of our way to Dublin, travelling stage arter stage by the
+      ould-fashioned conveyance, Pat Adam's ten-toed machine. Many's the drap we
+      got on the road to drive away care. All the wide world before us, and all
+      the fine family estate behind,&mdash;pigs, poultry, and relations,&mdash;divil
+      a tenpenny did we ever touch since. It's not your honor that will be angry
+      to hear a few family misfortins," said Barney, hesitating to proceed with
+      his narration, "Give me my hat, fellow," said <span class="pagenum">[25]</span>I,
+      "and don't torture me with your nonsense."&mdash; "May be it an't nonsense
+      your honor means?" "And why not, sirrah?"&mdash;"Bekase it's not in your
+      nature to spake light o' the dead." Up to this point, my attention had
+      been divided between the Morning Chronicle which lay upon my breakfast
+      table, and Barney's comical relation; a glance at the narrator, however,
+      as he finished the last sentence, convinced me that I ought to have
+      treated him with more feeling. He was holding my hat towards me, when the
+      pearly drop of affliction burst uncontrollably forth, and hung on the side
+      of the beaver, like a sparkling crystal gem loosed from the cavern's roof,
+      to rest upon the jasper stone beneath. I would have given up my Mastership
+      of Arts to have recalled that word nonsense: I was so touched with the
+      poor fellow's pathos.&mdash;" Shall I tell your onor the <i>partikilars</i>?"
+      "Ay, do, Barney, proceed."&mdash;"Well, your onor, we worked our way to
+      London togither&mdash;haymaking and harvesting: 'Taste fashions the man'
+      was a saw of ould Father O'Rourke's; 'though divil a taste had he, but for
+      draining the whiskey bottle and bating the boys, bad luck to his mimory!
+      'Is it yourself?' said I, to young squire O'Sullivan, from Scullanabogue,
+      whom good fortune threw in my way the very first day I was in London.&mdash;'Troth,
+      and it is, Barney,' said he: 'What brings you to the sate of government?'
+      'I'm seeking sarvice and fortune, your onor,' said I. 'Come your ways,
+      then, my darling,' said he; and, without more to do, he made me his <i>locum
+      tenens</i>, first clerk, messenger, and man of all work to a Maynooth
+      Milesian. There was onor enough in all conscience for me, only it was not
+      vary profitable. For, altho' my master followed the law, the law wouldn't
+      follow him, and he'd rather more bags than briefs:&mdash;the consequence
+      was, I had more banyan days than the man in the wilderness. Divil a'care,
+      I got a character by my conduct, and a good place when I left him, as your
+      <span class="pagenum">[26]</span>govonor can testify. As for poor Teddy,
+      divil a partikle of taste had he for fashionable life, but a mighty pratty
+      notion of the arts, so he turned operative arkitekt; engaged himself to a
+      layer of bricks, and skipped nimbly up and down a five story ladder with a
+      long-tailed box upon his shoulder&mdash;pace be to his ashes! He was
+      rather too fond of the <i>crature</i>&mdash;many's the slip he had for his
+      life&mdash;one minute breaking a jest, and the next breaking a joint; till
+      there wasn't a sound limb to his body. Arrah, sure, it was all the same to
+      Teddy&mdash;only last Monday, he was more elevated than usual, for he had
+      just reached the top of the steeple of one of the new churches with a
+      three gallon can of beer upon his <i>knowledge-box</i>, and, perhaps a
+      little too much of the <i>crature</i> inside o! it. 'Shout, Teddy, to the
+      honour of the saint,' said the foreman of the works (for they had just
+      completed the job). Poor Teddy's religion got the better of his
+      understanding, for in shouting long life to the dedicatory saint, he lost
+      his own&mdash;missed his footing, and pitched over the scaffold like an
+      odd chimney-pot in a high wind, and came down smash to the bottom with a
+      head as flat as a bump. Divil a word has he ever spake since; for when
+      they picked him up, he was dead as a Dublin bay herring&mdash;and now he
+      lies in his cabin in Dyot-street, St. Giles, as stiff as a poker,&mdash;and
+      to-night, your onor, we are going to <i>wake</i> him, poor sowl! to smoke
+      a pipe, and spake an <i>horashon</i> over his corpse before we put him
+      dacently to bed with the shovel. Then, there's his poor widow left
+      childless, and divil a rap to buy paraters wid&mdash;bad luck to the eye
+      that wouldn't drap a tear to his mimory, and cowld be the heart that
+      refuses to comfort his widow!" Here poor Barney could no longer restrain
+      his feelings, and having concluded the family history, blubbered outright.
+      It was a strange mixture of the ludicrous and the sorrowful; but told with
+      such an artless simplicity and genuine traits of feeling, that I would
+      have defied the most <span class="pagenum">[27]</span>volatile to have
+      felt uninterested with the speaker. "You shall go, by all means, Barney,"
+      said I: "and here is a trifle to comfort the poor widow with." "The
+      blessings of the whole calendar full on your onor!" responded the grateful
+      Irishman. What a scene, thought I, for the pencil of my friend Bob
+      Transit!"Could a stranger visit the place," I inquired, without
+      molestation or the charge of impertinence, Barney?" "Divil a charge, your
+      onor; and as to impertinence, a wake's like a house-warming, where every
+      guest is welcome." With this assurance, I apprised Barney of my intention
+      to gratify curiosity, and to bring a friend with me; carefully noted down
+      the direction, and left the grateful fellow to pursue his course.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The absurdities of funeral ceremonies have hitherto triumphed over the
+      advances of civilization, and in many countries are still continued with
+      almost as much affected solemnity and ridiculous parade as distinguished
+      the early processions of the Pagans, Heathens, and Druids. The honours
+      bestowed upon the dead may inculcate a good moral lesson upon the minds of
+      the living, and teach them so to act in this life that their cold remains
+      may deserve the after-exordium of their friends; but, in most instances,
+      funeral pomp has more of worldly vanity in it than true respect, and it is
+      no unusual circumstance in the meaner ranks of life, for the survivors to
+      abridge their own comforts by a wasteful expenditure and useless parade,
+      with which they think to honour the memory of the dead. The Egyptians
+      carry this folly perhaps to the most absurd degree; their catacombs and
+      splendid tombs far outrivalling the habitations of their princes, together
+      with their expensive mode of embalming, are with us matters of curiosity,
+      and often induce a sacrilegious transfer of some distinguished mummy to
+      the museums of the connoisseur. The Athenians, Greeks, and Romans, had
+      each their peculiar funeral ceremonies in the exhumation, <span
+      class="pagenum">[28]</span>sacrifices, and orations performed on such
+      occasions; and much of the present customs of the Romish church are, no
+      doubt, derivable from and to be traced to these last-mentioned nations. In
+      the present times, no race of people are more superstitious in their
+      veneration for the ancient customs of their country and funeral rites,
+      than the lower orders of the Irish, and that folly is often carried to a
+      greater height during their domicile in this country than when residing at
+      home.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It was about nine o'clock at night when Eglantine, Transit, and myself
+      sallied forth to St. Giles's in search of the wake, or, as Bob called it,
+      on a crusade to the holy land. Formerly, such a visit would have been
+      attended with great danger to the parties making the attempt, from the
+      number of desperate characters who inhabited the back-slums lying in the
+      rear of Broad-street: where used to be congregated together, the most
+      notorious thieves, beggars, and bunters of the metropolis, amalgamated
+      with the poverty and wretchedness of every country, but more particularly
+      the lower classes of Irish, who still continue to exist in great numbers
+      in the neighbourhood. Here was formerly held in a night-cellar, the
+      celebrated Beggars' Club, at which the dissolute Lord Barrymore and
+      Colonel George Hanger, afterwards Lord Coleraine, are said to have often
+      officiated as president and vice-president, attended by their profligate
+      companions, and surrounded by the most extraordinary characters of the
+      times; the portraits and biography of whom may be seen in Smith's
+      'Vagabondiana,' a very clever and highly entertaining work. It was on this
+      spot that George Parker collected his materials for 'Life's Painter of
+      Variegated Characters,' and among its varieties, that Grose and others
+      obtained the flash and patter which form the cream of their humorous
+      works. Formerly, the Beggars' ordinary, held in a cellar was a scene
+      worthy <span class="pagenum">[29]</span>of the pencil of a Hogarth or a
+      Cruikshank; notorious impostors, professional paupers, ballad-singers, and
+      blind fiddlers might here be witnessed carousing on the profits of
+      mistaken charity, and laughing in their cups at the credulity of mankind;
+      but the police have now disturbed their nightly orgies, and the Mendicant
+      Society ruined their lucrative calling. The long table, where the
+      trenchers consisted of so many round holes turned out in the plank, and
+      the knives, forks, spoons, candle-sticks, and fire-irons all chained to
+      their separate places, is no longer to be seen. The night-cellar yet
+      exists, where the wretched obtain a temporary lodging and straw bed at
+      twopence per head; but the Augean stable has been cleansed of much of its
+      former impurities, and scarce a vestige remains of the disgusting
+      depravity of former times.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Cimage-0006" id="Cimage-0006">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page029.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page029th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page029" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A little way up Dyot-street, on the right hand from Holborn, we perceived
+      the gateway to which Barney had directed me, and passing under it into a
+      court filled with tottering tenements of the most wretched appearance, we
+      were soon attracted to the spot we sought, by the clamour of voices
+      apparently singing and vociferating together. The faithful Barney was
+      ready posted at the door to receive us, and had evidently prepared the
+      company to show more than usual respect. An old building or shed adjoining
+      the deceased's residence, which had been used for a carpenter's shop, was
+      converted for the occasion from its general purpose to a melancholy hall
+      of mourning. At one end of this place was the corpse of the deceased,
+      visible to every person from its being placed on a bed in a sitting
+      posture, beneath a tester of ragged check-furniture; large sheets of white
+      linen were spread around the walls in lieu of tapestries, and covered with
+      various devices wrought into fantastic images of flowers, angels, and
+      seraphim. A large, fresh-gathered posy in the bosom of the deceased had a
+      most striking effect, when contrasted <span class="pagenum">[30]</span>with
+      the pallidness of death; over the lower parts of the corpse was spread a
+      counterpane, covered with roses, marigolds, and sweet-smelling flowers;
+      whilst on his breast reposed the cross, emblematical of the dead man's
+      faith; and on a table opposite, at the extreme end, stood an image of our
+      Redeemer, before which burned four tall lights in massive candlesticks,
+      lent by the priest upon such occasions to give additional solemnity to the
+      scene. There is something very awful in the contemplation of death, from
+      which not even the strongest mind can altogether divest itself. But at a
+      <i>wake</i> the solemn gloom which generally pervades the chamber of a
+      lifeless corpse is partially removed by the appearance of the friends of
+      the deceased arranged around, drinking, singing, and smoking tobacco in
+      profusion. Still there was something unusually impressive in observing the
+      poor widow of O'Rafferty, seated at the feet of her deceased lord with an
+      infant in her arms, and all the appearance of a heart heavily charged with
+      despondency and grief. An old Irishwoman, seated at the side of the bed,
+      was making the most violent gesticulations, and audibly calling upon the
+      spirit of the departed "to see how they onor'd his mimory," raising the
+      cross before her, while two or three others came up to the head, uttered a
+      short prayer, and then sat down to drink his sowl out of purgation. (See
+      Plate.)
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Cimage-0007" id="Cimage-0007">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page030.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page030th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page030" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But the most extraordinary part of the ceremony was the <i>howl</i>, or
+      oration spoken over the dead man by a rough-looking, broad-shouldered
+      Emeralder, who descanted upon his virtues as if he had been an hero of the
+      first magnitude, and invoked every saint in the calendar to free the
+      departed from perdition. For some time decorum was pretty well preserved;
+      but on my friends Bob Transit and Horace Eglantine sending Barney out for
+      a whole gallon of whiskey, and a proportionate quantity of pipes and
+      tobacco, the dull scene of silent meditation <span class="pagenum">[31]</span>gave
+      way to sports and spree, more accordant with their feelings; and the
+      kindred of the deceased were too familiar with such amusements to consider
+      them in any degree disrespectful. There is a volatile something in the
+      Irish character that strongly partakes of the frivolity of our Gallic
+      neighbours; and it is from this feature that we often find them gay amidst
+      the most appalling wants, and humorous even in the sight of cold
+      mortality. A song was soon proposed, and many a ludicrous stave sung, as
+      the inspiring cup made the circle of the company. "Luke Caffary's
+      Kilmainham Minit," an old flash chant, and "The Night before Larry was
+      stretched," were among the most favourite ditties of the night. A verse
+      from the last may serve to show their <i>peculiar</i> character.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "The night before Larry was stretch'd,
+
+          The boys they all paid him a visit;
+          And bit in their sacks too they fetch'd,
+
+          They sweated their duds till they riz it.
+          For Larry was always the lad,
+
+          When a friend was condemn'd to the squeezer.
+          But he'd fence all the foss that he had
+
+          To help a poor friend to a sneezer,
+          And moisten his sowl before he died."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Ere eleven o'clock had arrived, the copious potations of whiskey and
+      strong beer, joined to the fumes of the tobacco, had caused a powerful
+      alteration in the demeanor of the assembled group, who now became most
+      indecorously vociferous. "By the powers of Poll Kelly!" said the raw-boned
+      fellow who had howled the lament over the corpse, "I'd be arter making
+      love to the widow mysel', only it mightn't be altogether dacent before
+      Teddy's put out o' the way." "You make love to the widow!" responded the
+      smart-looking Florence M'Carthy; "to the divil I pitch you, you bouncing
+      bogtrotter! it's myself alone that will have that onor, bekase Teddy
+      O'Rafferty wished me to take his wife as a legacy. 'It's all I've got, Mr.
+      Florence,' <span class="pagenum">[32]</span>said he to me one day, 'to
+      lave behind for the redemption of the small trifle I owe you.'" "It aint
+      the like o' either of you that will be arter bamboozling my cousin, Mrs.
+      Judy O'Rafferty, into a blind bargain," said Barney O'Finn; in whose
+      noddle the whiskey began to fumigate with the most valorous effect.
+      "You're a noble-spirited fellow, Barney," said Horace Eglantine, who was
+      using his best exertions to produce a <i>row</i>. "At them again, Barney,
+      and tell them their conduct is most indecent." Thus stimulated and
+      prompted, Barney was not tardy in re-echoing the charge; which, as might
+      have been expected, produced an instantaneous explosion and general
+      battle. In two minutes the company were thrown into the most appalling
+      scene of confusion&mdash;chairs and tables upset, bludgeons, pewter pots,
+      pipes, glasses, and other missiles flying about in all directions, until
+      broken heads and shins were as plentiful as black eyes, and there was no
+      lack of either&mdash;women screaming and children crying, making distress
+      more horrible. In this state of affairs, Bob Transit had climbed up and
+      perched himself upon a beam to make observations; while the original
+      fomenter of the strife, that mad wag Eglantine, had with myself made our
+      escape through an aperture into the next house, and having secured our
+      persons from violence were enabled to become calm observers of the affray,
+      by peeping through the breach by which we had entered. In the violence of
+      the struggle, poor Teddy O'Rafferty was doomed to experience another upset
+      before his remains were consigned to the tomb; for just at the moment that
+      a posse of watchmen and night-constables arrived to put an end to the
+      broil, such was the panic of the assailants that in rushing towards the
+      bed to conceal themselves from the <i>charlies</i>, they tumbled poor
+      Teddy head over heels to the floor of his shed, leaving his head's
+      antipodes sticking up where his head should have been; a <span
+      class="pagenum">[33]</span>circumstance that more than any thing else
+      contributed to appease the inflamed passions of the group, who, shocked at
+      the sacrilegious insult they had committed, immediately sounded a parley,
+      and united to reinstate poor Teddy O'Rafferty in his former situation.
+      This was the signal for Horace and myself to proceed round to the front
+      door, and pretending we were strangers excited by curiosity, succeeded, by
+      a little well-timed flattery and a small trifle to drink our good healths,
+      in freeing the assailants from all the horrors of a watch-house, and
+      eventually of restoring peace and unanimity. It was now past midnight;
+      leaving therefore poor Barney O'Finn to attend mass, and pay the last sad
+      tribute to his departed relative, on the morning of the morrow we once
+      more bent our steps towards home, laughing as we went at the strange
+      recollections of the wake, the row, and last appearance of Teddy
+      O'Rafferty.{1}
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      REQUIESCAT IN PACE.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 As the reader might not think this story complete without
+     gome account of the concluding ceremonies, I have
+     ascertained from Barney that his cousin Teddy was quietly
+     borne on the shoulders of his friends to the church of St.
+     Paneras, where he was safely deposited with his mother-
+     earth, a bit of a bull, by the by; and after the mourners
+     had made three circles round his ashes, and finished the
+     ceremony by a most delightful howl and prayers said over the
+     crossed spades, they all retired peaceably home, moderately
+     laden with the juice of the <i>crature</i>.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Cimage-0008" id="Cimage-0008">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page033.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page033 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Clink2H_4_0007" id="Clink2H_4_0007">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE CYPRIAN'S BALL,
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      OR
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      Sketches of Characters
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      AT THE VENETIAN CARNIVAL.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Scene.&mdash;Argyll Rooms.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[34]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Hymen ushers the lady Astrea,
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          The jest took hold of Latona the cold,
+          Ceres the brown, with bright Cytherea,
+          Thetis the wanton, Bellona the bold;
+          Shame-faced Aurora
+          With witty Pandora,
+          And Maia with Flora did company bear;"
+          (And many 'tis stated
+          Went there to be mated,
+          Who all their lives have been hunting the fair. )
+
+     Blackmantle, Transit, Eglantine, and Crony's Visit to the
+     Venetian Carnival&mdash;Exhibits&mdash;Their Char-acters drawn from
+     the Life&mdash;General Trinket, the M.C.&mdash;Crony's singidar
+     Anecdote of the great Earl of Chesterfield, and Origin of
+     the Debouchettes&mdash;The Omissions in the Wilson Memoirs
+     supplied&mdash;Biographical Reminiscences of the Amiable Mrs.
+     Debouchette&mdash;Harriette and lier Sisters&mdash;Amy&mdash;Mary&mdash;Fanny&mdash;
+     Julia&mdash;Sophia&mdash;Charlotte and Louisa&mdash;Paphians and their
+     Paramours&mdash;Peers and Plebeians&mdash;The Bang Bantam&mdash;London Leda
+     &mdash;Spanish Nun&mdash;Sparrow Hawk&mdash;Golden Pippin&mdash;White Crow&mdash;
+     Brazen Bellona&mdash;Edgeware Diana
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[35]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Water Lily&mdash;White Doe&mdash;Comic Muse&mdash;Queen of the
+     Dansysettes&mdash;Vestina the Titan&mdash;The Red Rose&mdash;Moss Rose and
+     Cabbage Rose&mdash;The Doldrum Stars of Erin&mdash;Wren of Paradise&mdash;
+     Queen of the Amazons&mdash;Old Pomona&mdash;Venus Mendicant&mdash;Venus
+     Callypiga&mdash;Goddess of the Golden Locks&mdash;Mocking Bird&mdash;Net
+     Perdita&mdash;Napoleon Venus&mdash;Red Swan&mdash;Black Swan&mdash;Blue-eyed
+     Luna&mdash;Tartar Sultana The Bit of Rue&mdash;Brompton Ceres&mdash;
+     Celestina Conway&mdash;Lucy Bertram&mdash;Water Wagtail&mdash;Tops and
+     Bottoms&mdash;The Pretenders&mdash;The Old Story&mdash;Lady of the Priory&mdash;
+     Little White Morose&mdash;Queen of Trumps&mdash;Giovanni the Syren,
+     with Ileal Names "unexed&mdash;Original Portraits and Anecdotes
+     of the Dukes of M&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;and D&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;, Marquisses II&mdash;&mdash;&mdash; and
+     II &mdash;&mdash;, Earls   W&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;,   F&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;,  and  C&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;,   Lords
+     P&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;,   A&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;,   M&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;,   and N&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;,   llonourables
+     B&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;c,  L&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;s, and F&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;s&mdash;General Trinket&mdash;Colonel
+     Caxon&mdash;Messrs.  II&mdash;b&mdash;h,  R&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;, D&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;, and B&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;,
+     and other Innumerables.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      It was during the fashionable season of the year 1818, when Augusta Corri,
+      <i>ci-devant</i> Lady Hawke,{1} shone forth under her newly-acquired title
+      a planet of the first order, that a few amorous noblemen and wealthy
+      dissolutes, ever on the <i>qui vive</i> for novelty, projected and
+      sanctioned the celebrated Venetian carnival given at the Argyll-rooms
+      under the patronage of her ladyship and four other equally celebrated
+      courtezans. Of course, the female invitations were confined exclusively to
+      the sisterhood, but restricted to the planets and stars of Cytherea, the
+      carriage curiosities, and fair impures of the most dashing order and
+      notoriety; and never were the revels of Terpsichore kept up with more
+      spirit, or graced with a more choice collection of beautiful, ripe, and
+      wanton fair ones.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 In page 315 of our first volume we have given a brief
+     biographical sketch of her ladyship and her amours.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[36]</span>Nor was there any lack of distinguished
+      personages of the other sex; almost all the leading <i>roués</i> of the
+      day being present, from Lord p******** Tom B***, including many of the
+      highest note in the peerage, court calendar, and army list. The elegance
+      and superior arrangement of this Cytherean <i>fête</i> was in the most
+      exquisite taste; and such was the number of applications for admissions,
+      and the reported splendour of the preparations, that great influence in a
+      certain court was necessary to insure a safe passport into the territories
+      of the Paphian goddess. The enormous expense of this act of folly has been
+      estimated at upwards of two thousand pounds; and many are the dupes who
+      have been named as bearing proportions of the same, from a royal duke to a
+      Hebrew star of some magnitude in the city; but truth will out, and the
+      ingenuity of her ladyship in raising the wind has never been disputed, if
+      it has ever been equalled, by any of her fair associates. The honour of
+      the arrangement and a good portion of the expense were, undoubtedly, borne
+      by a broad-shouldered Milesian commissary-general, who has since figured
+      among the ton under the quaint cognomen of General Trinket, from his
+      penchant for filling his pockets with a variety of cheap baubles, for the
+      purpose of making presents to his numerous Dulcineas; a trifling
+      extravagance, which joined to his attachment to <i>rouge et noir</i> has
+      since consigned him to durance vile. The general is, however, certainly a
+      fellow of some address, and, as a master of the ceremonies, deserves due
+      credit for the superior genius he on that occasion displayed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      During dinner, Crony had been telling us a curious anecdote of the great
+      Earl of Chesterfield and Miss Debouchette, the grandmother of the
+      celebrated courtezans, Harriette Wilson and sisters. "At one of the places
+      of public entertainment at the Hague, a very beautiful girl of the name of
+      Debouchette, who <span class="pagenum">[37]</span>acted as <i>limonadière</i>,
+      had attracted the notice of a party of English noblemen, who were all
+      equally anxious to obtain so fair a prize. Intreaties, promises of large
+      settlements, and every species of lure that the intriguers could invent,
+      had been attempted and played off without the slightest success; the fair
+      <i>limonadière</i> was proof against all their arts. In this state of
+      affairs arrived the then elegant and accomplished Earl of Chesterfield,
+      certainly one of the most attractive and finished men of his time, but,
+      without doubt, equally dissipated, and notorious for the number of his
+      amours. Whenever a charming girl in the humbler walks of life becomes the
+      star of noble attraction and the reigning toast among the <i>roués</i> of
+      the day, her destruction may be considered almost inevitable. The amorous
+      beaux naturally inflame the ardour of each other's desires by their
+      admiration of the general object of excitement; until the honour of
+      possessing such a treasure becomes a matter of heroism, a prize for which
+      the young and gay will perform the most unaccountable prodigies, and, like
+      the chivalrous knights of old, sacrifice health, fortune, and eventually
+      life, to bear away in triumph the fair conqueror of hearts. Such was the
+      situation of Miss Debouchette, when the Earl of Chesterfield, whose
+      passions had been unusually inflamed by the current reports of the lady's
+      beauty, found himself upon inspection that her attractions were
+      irresistible, but that it would require no unusual skill to break down and
+      conquer the prudence and good sense with which superior education had
+      guarded the mind of the fair <i>limonadière</i>. To a man of gallantry,
+      obstacles of the most imposing import are mere chimeras, and readily fall
+      before the ardour of his impetuosity; 'faint heart never won fair lady,'
+      is an ancient but trite proverb, that always encourages the devotee. The
+      earl had made a large bet that he would carry off the lady. In <span
+      class="pagenum">[38]</span>England, among the retiring and the most modest
+      of creation's lovely daughters, his success in intrigues had become
+      proverbial; yet, for a long time, was he completely foiled by the fair
+      Debouchette. No specious pretences, nor the flattering attentions of the
+      most polished man in Europe, could induce the lady to depart from the
+      paths of prudence and of virtue; every artifice to lure her into the snare
+      of the seducer had been tried and found ineffectual, and his lordship was
+      about to retire discomfited and disgraced from the scene of his amorous
+      follies, with a loss of some thousands, the result of his rashness and
+      impetuosity, when an artifice suggested itself to the fertile brain of his
+      foreign valet, who was an experienced tactician in the wars of Venus. This
+      was to ascertain, if possible, in what part of the mansion the lady slept;
+      to be provided with a carriage and four horses, and in the dead of the
+      night, with the assistance of two ruffians, to raise a large sheet before
+      her window dipt in spirits, which being lighted would burn furiously, and
+      then raising the cry of fire, the fair occupant would, of course,
+      endeavour to escape; when the lover would have nothing more to do than
+      watch his opportunity, seize her person, and conveying it to the carriage
+      in waiting, drive off secure in his victory. The scheme was put in
+      practice, and succeeded to the full extent of the projector's wishes; but
+      the affair, which made considerable noise at the time, and was the subject
+      of some official remonstrances, had nearly ended in a more serious manner.
+      The brother of the lady was an officer in the army, and both the
+      descendants of a poor but ancient family; the indignity offered to his
+      name, and the seduction of his sister, called forth the retributive
+      feelings of a just revenge; he sought out the offender, challenged him,
+      but gave him the option of redeeming his sister's honour and his own by
+      marriage. Alas! that was impossible; the earl was already engaged. A
+      meeting took place, <span class="pagenum">[39]</span>when, reflection and
+      good sense having recovered their influence over the mind of the
+      dissipated lover, he offered every atonement in his power, professed a
+      most unlimited regard for the lady, suggested that his destruction would
+      leave her, in her then peculiar state, exposed to indigence, proposed to
+      protect her, and settle an annuity of two hundred pounds per annum upon
+      her for her life; and thus circumstanced the brother acceded, and the
+      affair was, by this interposition of the seconds, amicably arranged. There
+      are those yet living who remember the fair <i>limonadière</i> first coming
+      to this country, and they bear testimony to her superior attractions. The
+      lady lived for some years in a state of close retirement, under the
+      protection of the noble earl, in the neighbourhood of Chelsea, and the
+      issue of that connexion was a natural son, Mr. Debouchette, whom report
+      states to be the father of Harriette Wilson and her sisters.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'Ere man's corruptions made him wretched, he
+          Was born most noble, who was born most free.'
+          &mdash;Otway.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      So thought young Debouchette; for a more wild and giddy fellow.in early
+      life has seldom figured among the medium order of society. Whether the
+      mother of the Cyprians was really honoured with the ceremony of the
+      ritual, I have no means of knowing," said Crony; "but I well remember the
+      lady, before these her beauteous daughters had trodden the slippery paths
+      of pleasure: there was a something about her that is undefinable in
+      language, but conveys to the mind impressions of no very pure principles
+      of morality; a roving eye, salacious person, and swaggering carriage, with
+      a most inviting condescension, always particularized the elder
+      silk-stocking grafter of Chelsea, while yet the fair offspring of her
+      house were lisping infants, innocent and beautiful as playful lambs.
+      Debouchette himself was a right jolly fellow, careless of domestic <span
+      class="pagenum">[40]</span>happiness, and very fond of his bottle; and
+      indeed that was excusable, as during a long period of his life he was
+      concerned in the wine trade. To the conduct and instructions of the mother
+      the daughters are indebted for their present share of notoriety, with all
+      the attendant infamy that attaches itself to Harriette and her sisters:&mdash;and
+      this perhaps is the reason why Mrs. Rochford, alias Harriette Wilson, so
+      liberally eulogises, in her Memoirs, a parent whose purity of principle is
+      so much in accordance with the exquisite delicacy of her accomplished
+      daughter. As the girls grew up, they were employed, Amy and Harriette, at
+      their mother's occupation, the grafting of silk stockings, while the
+      junior branches of the family were operative clear starchers, as the old
+      board over the parlour window used to signify, which Brummel would
+      facetiously translate into getters up of fine linen, when Petersham did
+      him the honour of driving him past the door, that he might give his
+      opinion upon the rising merits of the family, who, like fragrant exotics,
+      were always placed at the window by their judicious parent, to excite the
+      attention of the curious. But, allons" said Crony, "we shall be late at
+      the carnival, and I would not miss the treat of such an assemblage for the
+      honour of knighthood."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A very few minutes brought Transit, Eglantine, Crony, and myself, within
+      the vortex of this most seductive scene. Waltzing was the order of the
+      night&mdash;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "Endearing waltz! to thy more melting tune
+          Bow Irish jig and ancient rigadoon;
+          Scotch reels avaunt! and country dance forego
+          Your future claims to each fantastic toe.
+          Waltz&mdash;Waltz alone both legs and arms demands,
+          Liberal of feet and lavish of her hands.
+          Hands, which may freely range in public sight,
+          Where ne'er before&mdash;but&mdash;pray 'put out the light.'"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      A coruscation of bright eyes and beauteous forms shed a halo of delight
+      around, that must have warmed the cyprian's ball <span class="pagenum">[41]</span>the
+      heart and animated the pulse of the coldest stoic in Christendom. The
+      specious M. C, General O'M***a, introduced us in his best style, quickly
+      bowing each of us into the graces of some fascinating fair, than whom
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "Not Cleopatra on her galley's deck
+          Display'd so much of leg or more of neck."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      For myself, I had the special honour of being engaged to the Honourable
+      Mrs. J&mdash; C******y, otherwise Padden, who, whatever may have been her
+      origin,{2} has certainly acquired the ease and elegance of
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     2 Mrs. Padden is said to have been originally a servant-maid
+     at Plymouth, and the victim of early seduction.    When very
+     young,
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      coming to London with her infant in search of a Captain D&mdash;&mdash;-
+      in the D&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;e Militia, her first but inconstant
+      swain, chance threw her in her abandoned condition into the way of Colonel
+      C&mdash;&mdash;-, who was much interested by her tale of sorrow, and more
+      perhaps by her then lovely person, to obtain possession of which, he took
+      a house for her, furnished it, and (as the phrase is) <i>set her up</i>.
+      How long the duke's <i>aide-de-camp</i> continued the favourite lover is
+      not of any consequence; but both parties are known to have been capricious
+      in <i>affaires de cour</i>. Her next acknowledged protector was the
+      light-hearted George D&mdash;&mdash;-d, then a great gun in the
+      fashionable world: to him succeeded an <i>amorous thane</i>, the Irish
+      Earl of F&mdash;&mdash;-e; and when his lordship, satiated by possession,
+      withdrew his eccentric countenance, Lord Mo&mdash;f&mdash;d succeeded to
+      the vacant couch. The Venetian masquerade is said to have produced a long
+      carnival to this <i>belle brunette</i>, who seldom kept <i>Lent</i>; and
+      who hero met, for the first time, a now noble Marquess, then Lord Y&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;,
+      to whose liberality she was for some time indebted for a very splendid
+      establishment; but the precarious existence of such connexions is
+      proverbial, and Mrs. Padden has certainly had her share of fatal
+      experience. Her next paramour was a diamond of the first water, but no
+      star, a certain dashing jeweller, Mr. C&mdash;&mdash;-, whose charmer she
+      continued only until kind fortune threw in her way her present constant
+      Jack. With the hoy-day of the blood, the fickleness of the heart ceases;
+      and Mrs. Padden is now in the "sear o' the leaf," and somewhat <i>passée</i>
+      with the town. It does therefore display good judgment in the lady to
+      endeavour, by every attention and correct conduct, to preserve an
+      attachment that has now existed for some considerable time. <span
+      class="pagenum">[42]</span>Indeed it is hardly possible to find a more
+      conversational or attractive woman, or one less free from the vulgarity
+      which usually accompanies ladies of her caste. With this fair I danced a
+      waltz, and then danced off to my friend Crony, who had been excused a
+      display of agility on the score of age, and from whom I anticipated some
+      interesting anecdotes of the surrounding stars. (See Plate.)
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Cimage-0009" id="Cimage-0009">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page042.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page042th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page042" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The Montagues, five sisters, all fine women, and celebrated as the stars
+      of Erin, shone forth on this occasion with no diminished ray of their
+      accustomed brilliancy; Mrs. Drummond, otherwise H&mdash;n Dr&mdash;y Ba&mdash;y,
+      Me&mdash;t&mdash;o, or Bulkly, the last being the only legal <i>cognomen</i>
+      of the fair, led the way, followed by Maria Cross, otherwise Latouche,
+      Matilda Chatterton, Isabella Cummins, and Amelia Hamilton, all ladies of
+      high character in the court of Cytherea, whose amours, were I to attempt
+      them, would exceed in volumes, if not in interest, the chronicles of their
+      native isle. Among the most interesting of the fairy group was the
+      beautiful Louisa Rowley, since married to Lord L**c**les, and that
+      charming little rosebud, the captivating Josephine, who, although a mere
+      child, was introduced under the special protection of the celebrated Mr.
+      B***, who has since been completely duped by the little <i>intriguante</i>,
+      as also was hep second lover Lord p********? who succeeded in the lady's
+      favour afterwards; but from whom she fled to Lord H****t, since whose
+      death, an event which occurred in Paris, I hear she has reformed, and is
+      now following the example of an elder sister, by preparing herself for the
+      stage. "Who is that dashing looking brunette in the turban, that is just
+      entering the room?" inquired Transit, who appeared to be mightily taken
+      with the fair incognita. "That lady, with the mahogany skin and <i>piquant</i>
+      appearance, is the favourite mistress of the poor Duke of Ma**b****h,"
+      responded Crony, "and is no other than <span class="pagenum">[43]</span>the
+      celebrated Poll&mdash;&mdash;-Pshaw! everybody has heard of the Queen of
+      the Amazons, a title given to the lady, in honour, as I suppose, of his
+      grace's fighting ancestor. Poll is said to be a great voluptuary; but at
+      any rate she cannot be very extravagant, that is, if she draws all her
+      resources from her protector's present purse. Do you observe that <i>jolie
+      dame</i> yonder sitting under the orchestra? that is the well-known Nelly
+      Mansell, of Crawford-street, called the <i>old Pomona</i>, from the
+      richness of her <i>first fruits</i>. Nelly has managed her affairs with no
+      trifling share of prudence, and although in the decline of life, she is by
+      no means in declining circumstances. H**re the banker married her niece,
+      and the aunt's cash-account is said to be a very comfortable expectancy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The <i>elegante</i> waltzing so <i>luxuriantly</i> with H&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;
+      B&mdash;&mdash;&mdash; H&mdash;&mdash;&mdash; is the lovely Emma
+      Richardson, sometime since called Standish or Davison, a Cytherean of the
+      very first order, and the sister planet to the equally charming Ellen
+      Hanbury, otherwise Bl&mdash;&mdash;-g&mdash;&mdash;-ve, constellations of
+      the utmost brilliancy, very uncertain in their appearance, and equally so,
+      if report speaks truth, in their attachment to either Jupiter, Mars,
+      Vulcan, or Apollo. The first is denominated <i>Venus Mendicant</i>, from
+      her always pleading poverty to her suitors, and thus artfully increasing
+      their generosity towards her. Sister Ellen has obtained the appellation of
+      <i>Venus Callipyga</i>, from her elegant form and generally half-draped
+      appearance in public. Do you perceive the swarthy amazon waddling along
+      yonder, whom the old Earl of W&mdash;&mdash;-d appears to be eyeing with
+      no little anticipation of delight? that is a lady with a very ancient and
+      most fish-like flavor, odoriferous in person as the oily female Esquimaux,
+      or the more <i>fragrant</i> feminine inhabitants of Russian Tartary and
+      the Crimea; she has with some of her admirers obtained the name of <i>Dolly
+      Drinkwater</i>, from her known dislike to any <span class="pagenum">[44]</span>thing
+      <i>stronger</i> than pure French Brandy. Her present travelling cognomen
+      is Mrs. Sp**c*r, otherwise <i>Black Moll</i>; and a wag of the day, who is
+      rather notorious for the variety of his taste, has recently insisted upon
+      re-christening her by the <i>attractive nom de guerre</i> of <i>Nux Vomica</i>.
+      The little goddess of the golden locks, dancing with a well-known <i>roué</i>,
+      is Fanny My*rs, a very efficient partner in the dance, and if report be
+      true not less engaging in the sacred mysteries of Cytherea." It would fill
+      the ample page to relate the varied anecdote with which Crony illustrated,
+      as he proceeded to describe the Scyllo and Charybdes of the unwary and the
+      gay; who in their voyage through life are lured by the syrens of sweet
+      voice, and the Pyrrhas of sweet lip, the Cleopatras of modern times, the
+      conquerors of hearts, and the voluptuous rioters in pleasurable excesses,
+      of those of whom Byron has sung,&mdash;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+         "Round all the confines of the yielding waist,
+         The strangest hand may wander undisplaced.
+                  *   *   *
+         Till some might marvel with the modest Turk,
+         If 'nothing follows all this palming work.'"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      To draw all the portraits who figured in the fascinating scene of gay
+      delight would be a task of almost equal magnitude with the Herculean
+      labours, and one which in attempting, I fear some of my readers may
+      censure me for already dwelling too long upon: but let them remember, I am
+      a professed painter of real life, not the inventor or promoter of these
+      delectable <i>nocte Attici</i> and depraved orgies; that in faithfully
+      narrating scenes and describing character, the object of the author and
+      artist is to show up vice in all its native deformity; that being known,
+      it may be avoided, and being exposed, despised. But I must crave
+      permission to extend my notice of the Cythereans to a few more characters,
+      ere yet the mirth-inspiring notes of the band have ceased to vibrate, or
+      the graceful <span class="pagenum">[45]</span>fair ones to trip it lightly
+      on fantastic toe; this done, I shall perhaps take a peep into the
+      supper-room, drink Champagne, and pick the wing of a chicken while I
+      whisper a few soft syllables into the ear of the nearest <i>elegante</i>;
+      and then&mdash;gentle reader, start not&mdash;then&mdash;&mdash;-
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "The breast thus <i>publicly</i> resign'd to man
+          In <i>private</i> may resist him&mdash;if it can."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      But here the curtain shall drop upon all the fairy sirens who lead the
+      young heart captive in their silken chains; and the <i>daughters of
+      pleasure</i> and the <i>sons of profligacy</i> may practise the mysteries
+      of Cytherea in private, undisturbed by the pen of the satirist or the
+      pencil of the humorist.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "The scandalizing group in close conference in the left-hand corner,
+      behind Lord William Lenox and another dashing ensign in the guards, is
+      composed," said Crony, "of Mrs. Nixon, the <i>ci-devant</i> Mrs. Baring,
+      Nugent's old.flame, Mrs. Christopher Harrison, the two sisters, Mesdames
+      Gardner and Peters, and the well-known Kitty Stock, all minor
+      constellations, mostly on the decline, and hence full of envious jealousy
+      at the attention paid by the beaux to the more attractive charms of the
+      newly discovered planets, the younger sisterhood of the convent." "If we
+      could but get near enough to overhear their conversation," said Transit,
+      "we should, no doubt, obtain possession of a few rich anecdotes of the
+      Paphians and their paramours." "I have already enough of the latter," said
+      I, "to fill a dozen albums, without descending to the meanness of becoming
+      a listener. Amorous follies are the least censurable of the sins of men,
+      when they are confined to professed courtezans. The heartless conduct of
+      the systematic seducer demands indignation; but the trifling peccadillos
+      of the sons of fortune and the stars of fashion may be passed by, without
+      any serious personal exposure, since <i>time, <span class="pagenum">[46]</span>cash,
+      and constitution are the three practising physicians</i> who generally
+      effect a radical cure, without the aid of the satirist. But come, Crony,
+      you must give us the <i>nom de guerre</i> of the last-mentioned belles:
+      you have hitherto distinguished all the Cythereans by some eccentric
+      appellation; let us therefore have the list complete." "By all means,
+      gentlemen," replied the old beau: "if I must stand godfather to the whole
+      fraternity of Cyprians, I think I ought, at least, to have free access to
+      every convent in Christendom; but I must refer to my tablets, for I keep a
+      regular entry of all the new appearances, or I should never remember half
+      their designations. Mrs. N&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;has the harmonious
+      appellation of the <i>mocking bird</i>, from her silly habit of repeating
+      every word you address to her. Mrs. B&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;is called the <i>New
+      Perdita</i>, from a royal conquest she once made, but which we have only
+      her own authority for believing; at any rate, she is known to be fond of a
+      <i>New-gent</i>, and the title may on that account be fairly her own. Mrs.
+      C&mdash;&mdash;-H&mdash;&mdash;&mdash; has the honour of being
+      distinguished by the appropriate name of the <i>Napoleon Venus</i>, from
+      the similarity of her contour with the countenance of that great man.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The two sisters, Mesdames G&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;and P&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;,
+      are well known by the flattering distinctions of the red and the black
+      Swan, from the colour of their hair and the stateliness of their carriage;
+      and Kitty Stock has the poetical cognomen of <i>blue-eyed Lima</i>. Now,
+      you have nearly the whole vocabulary of love's votaries," said old Crony;
+      "and be sure, young gentlemen, you profit by the precepts of experience;
+      for not one of these frail fair ones but in her time has made as many
+      conquests as Wellington, and caused perhaps as much devastation among the
+      sons of men as any hero in the world. But a new light breaks in upon us,"
+      said Crony, "in the person of Mrs. Simmons, the <i>Tartar sultana</i>,
+      whom you may observe conversing with Lords H&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;d and P&mdash;&mdash;-m
+      in the centre of the room. Poor N&mdash;g&mdash;nt the cyprian's ball
+      <span class="pagenum">[47]</span>will long remember her prowess in battle,
+      when the strength of her passion had nearly brought matters to a point,
+      and that not a very tender one; but the swain cut the affair in good time,
+      or might have been cruelly cut himself. Messrs. H&mdash;h and R&mdash;s&mdash;w
+      could also give some affecting descriptions of the Tartar sultana's rage
+      when armed with jealousy or resentment. Her residence, No. 30, B&mdash;k&mdash;r-street,
+      has long been celebrated as the three x x x; a name probably given to it
+      by some spark who found the sultana three times more cross than even
+      common report had stated her to be." The night was now fast wearing away,
+      when Crony again directed our attention to the right-hand corner of the
+      room, where, just under the orchestra, appeared the elder sister of the
+      notorious Harriette Wilson seated, and in close conversation with the
+      Milesian M. C, O'M&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;a, who, according to his
+      usual custom, was dispensing his entertaining anecdotes of all his
+      acquaintance who graced the present scene. "That is Amy Campbell,
+      otherwise Sydenham, &amp;e., &amp;c, but now legally Bochsa, of whom
+      Harriette has since told so many agreeable stories relative to the black
+      puddings and Argyle; however, considerable suspicion attaches itself to
+      Harriette's anecdotes of her elder sister, particularly as she herself
+      admits they were not very good friends, and Harriette never would forgive
+      Amy for seducing the Duke of Argyle from his allegiance to her. Mrs.
+      Campbell was for some years the favourite sultana of his grace, and has a
+      son by him, a fine boy, now about twelve years of age, who goes by the
+      family name, and for whose support the kind-hearted duke allows the mother
+      a very handsome annuity. Amy is certainly a woman of considerable talent;
+      a good musician, as might have been expected from her attachment to the
+      harpist, and an excellent linguist, speaking the French, Spanish, and
+      Italian languages with the greatest fluency. In her person she begins to
+      exhibit the ravages of time, is somewhat <i>embonpoint</i>, with <span
+      class="pagenum">[48]</span>dark hair and fine eyes, but rather of the keen
+      order of countenance than the agreeable; and report says, that the Signior
+      composer, amid his plurality of wives, never found a more difficult task
+      to preserve the equilibrium of domestic harmony.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      By the side of this fair one, arm in arm with a well-known bookseller, you
+      may perceive Harriette Kochforte, alias Wilson, who, according to her own
+      account, has had as many amours as the Grand Seignor can boast wives, and
+      with just as little of affection in the <i>affaires de cour</i> as his
+      sublime highness, only with something more of publicity. Harriette gives
+      the honour of her introduction into the mysteries of Cytherea to the Earl
+      of Craven; but it is well known that a certain dashing solicitor's clerk
+      then living in the neighbourhood of Chelsea, and near her amiable mamma's
+      residence, first engrossed, her attention, and by whom she exhibited
+      increasing symptoms of affection, which being properly engrafted on the
+      person of the fair stockinger, in due time required a release from a
+      practitioner of another profession; an innocent affair that now lies
+      buried deep in an odd corner at the old churchyard at Chelsea, without a
+      monumental stone or epitaph to point out the early virtues of the fair
+      Cytherean. To this limb of the law succeeded the Honourable Be&mdash;1&mdash;y
+      C&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;n, who was then too volatile and capricious to pay
+      his devotions at any particular shrine for more than a week together. It
+      was this cold neglect of the honourable's that has, perhaps, secured him
+      from mention in her Memoirs; since Harriette never speaks of her beaux
+      without giving the reader to suppose they were desperately in love with
+      herself: then there was more of the dignified in an affair with an earl,
+      and Madame Harriette has a great notion of preserving her consequence,
+      although, it must be confessed, she has latterly shown the most perfect
+      indifference to the preservation of character. The the cyprian's ball
+      <span class="pagenum">[49]</span>circumstance which first gave Miss Wilson
+      her great notoriety was the affair with the young Marquis of Worcester,
+      then just <i>come out</i>, and a willing captive to her artful wiles. So
+      successfully did she inveigle her noble swain, and so completely environ
+      his heart, that in the fulness of his boyish adoration of the fair
+      Cytherean, he executed in her favour a certain promise in writing, not a
+      promise to pay, for that might have been of no consequence, nor a promise
+      of settlement, nor a promise to protect, nothing so unsettled,&mdash;nothing
+      less did the fair intriguante obtain than a full, clear, and definite
+      promise of marriage, with a sufficient penalty thereunto attached to make
+      the matter alarming and complete, with every appearance on his part to
+      ratify the contract. In this state of things, information reached his
+      Grace of B&mdash;f&mdash;t of his noble heir's intention, who not much
+      relishing the intended honour, or perhaps doubting the permanency of his
+      son's passion (for to question the purity of the lady was impossible),
+      entered into a negotiation with Harriette, by which, on condition of her
+      resigning the promise and pledging herself never to see the Marquis more
+      on familiar terms, this disinterested woman was to receive eight hundred
+      pounds per annum&mdash;so anxious was his grace to prevent a mes-alliance
+      in his family. But, alas for Harriette! jealousy for once got the better
+      of her love of gain; her pride was wounded to see a sister flirting with
+      her affianced lord, and in a moment of irritation, she in a most
+      unequivocal manner publicly asserted her right to his person: the gallant
+      yielded, the bond was __null and void, the <i>promise burnt</i>, his grace
+      relieved from the payment of eight hundred pounds per annum, and his son
+      the Marquis, profiting by past experience, not so green as to renew the
+      former obligation.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "My intention is not to pirate the lady's memoirs, and so rob her of the
+      fair gain of her professional <span class="pagenum">[50]</span>experience,"
+      said Crony, when I mentioned these circumstances to him afterwards; "I
+      only mean to supply certain trifling omissions in the biography of
+      Harriette and her family, which the fair narrator has very modestly
+      suppressed. It is but a few months since, that passing accidentally into
+      Warwick-court, Holborn, to call upon an old friend, a navy lieutenant on
+      half-pay, I thought I recognised the well-known superlative wig of the
+      dandy Rochforte, thrust longitudinally forward from beneath the sash of a
+      two pair of stairs window.&mdash;Can it be possible? thought I: and then
+      again, I asked myself, why not? for the last time I saw him he was
+      rusticating in Surrey, beating the balls about in <i>Banco Regis</i>; from
+      which black place he did not escape without a little white-washing:
+      however, he's a full Colonel of some unknown corps of South American
+      Independents for all that, and was once in his life, although for a very
+      short time, a full Cornet, in Lincoln Stanhope's regiment, the 17th
+      dragoons, I think it was, and has never clipped his mustachios since, one
+      would imagine, by their length and ferocious appearance. To be brief, I
+      had scarcely placed my glass into the orifice before my imperfect vision,
+      when Harriette appeared at the adjoining window, and instantly recognizing
+      an old acquaintance, invited me up stairs. 'Times are a little changed,'
+      said she, 'Mr. Crony, since last we met:' 'True, madam,' I responded; and
+      then to cheer the belle a little, I added, 'but not persons, I perceive,
+      for you are looking as young and as attractive as ever.' The compliment
+      did not seem to please the Colonel in the wig, who turned round, looked
+      frowningly, and then twirled the dexter side of his lip wing into a
+      perfect circle. It is not possible that this thing can affect jealousy of
+      such a woman as Harriette? thought I: so proceeded with our conversation:
+      and he shortly resumed his polite amusement of spitting upon the children
+      who were <span class="pagenum">[51]</span>playing marbles beneath his
+      window. 'I am really married to that monster, yonder,' said she, in an
+      under tone: 'How do you like my choice?' 'I am not old enough in the
+      gentleman's acquaintance to hazard an opinion on his merits,' quoth I;
+      'but you are a woman of experience, belle Harriette, and should be a good
+      judge of male bipeds, although I cannot say much in favour of your
+      military taste.' 'And you was always a <i>quiz</i>, Crony,' retorted belle
+      Harriette: 'remember my sister Mary, who is now Mrs. Bochsa,{3} how you
+      used to annoy her about her gaudy style of dressing, when we used to foot
+      it at Chelsea:&mdash;but I 3 There were in all eight sisters of the
+      Debouchettes, and three brothers; but only one of the latter is living. Of
+      the girls, Amy is now Mrs. Bochsa; Mary, married to a nephew of Sir
+      Richard Bo****hs, a great Irish contractor; Harriette, actually married to
+      Cornet Rochforte; Fanny expired in the <i>holy keeping</i> of the present
+      Marquis of H&mdash;&mdash;-; Sophia has been raised to the peerage, by the
+      style and title of Lady B&mdash;&mdash;-k, and by her subsequent conduct
+      well deserves her elevation; Julia, an affectionate girl, clung to the
+      house of Coventry through poor Tom's days of adversity, and died early,
+      leaving some unprotected orphans; Charlotte and Louisa, younger sisters,
+      the first now about eighteen and very beautiful, although a little lame,
+      have been educated and brought up by their elder sister, the Baroness, and
+      are by her intended for the church&mdash;vestals for Hymen's altar: at any
+      rate, I hope they will escape the <i>sacrifices of Cytherea</i>. Harriette
+      is now about forty years of age: she was, when at her zenith, always
+      celebrated rather for her tact in love affairs, and her talent at
+      invention, than the soft engaging qualifications of the frail fair, which
+      fascinate the eye and lead the heart captive with delight: her
+      conversational powers were admirable; but her temper was outrageous, with
+      a natural inclination to the satirical:&mdash;to sum up her merits at
+      once, she was what a <i>connoisseur</i> would have called a bold fine
+      woman, rather than an engaging handsome one&mdash;more of the English
+      Bellona than the <i>Venus de Medici</i>. Crony's account of the Round Room
+      and belle Harriette's first views of publishing are, I have since learned,
+      strictly correct. There is not a person mentioned in her Memoirs, or
+      scarcely one of any note in the Court-guide, of whom she has at any time
+      had the slightest knowledge, that have not been applied to repeatedly
+      within the last three years, and received threats of exposure to compel
+      them to submit to extortion. <span class="pagenum">[52]</span>want your
+      assistance.' Egad, I dare say, I looked rather comical at this moment, for
+      in truth I was somewhat alarmed at the last phrase. Harriette burst into a
+      loud fit of laughter; the Colonel drew in his elegant wig, and deigned a
+      smile; while I, involuntarily forcing my hand into the pocket of my
+      inexpressibles, carefully drove the few sovereigns I had up into one
+      corner, fearing the belle Harriette had a mighty notion of laying strong
+      siege to them: in this, however, I was agreeably disappointed; for
+      recovering herself, she acknowledged she had perceived my embarrassment,
+      but assured me I need be under no alarm on this occasion, as, at present,
+      she only wanted to borrow a few&mdash;ideas: what a relief the last short
+      word afforded! 'I have been writing some sketches of my life,' said she,
+      'and am going to publish: give me your opinion, Crony, upon its merits;'
+      and without more ceremony, she thrust a little packet of papers into my
+      hand, headed 'Sketches in the Round Room at the Opera House;' in which all
+      the characters of the Opera frequenters were tolerably well drawn, nor was
+      the dialogue deficient in spirit; but the titles were all fictitious&mdash;such
+      as my Lord Red Head, for the Marquess of H&mdash;&mdash;-d, Lord
+      Pensiveham, for P&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;m, and so on to the end of the
+      chapter. Having glanced through the contents, I recommended her to
+      Colburn, as the universal speculator in paper and print; but his highness
+      is playing <i>magnifico</i>, à la Murray, in his new mansion, it would
+      seem; for he, as I have since learned, refused to publish. At length,
+      after trying Allman and others, belle Harriette hit upon Stockdale, who
+      having made some bad hits in his time, thought a little <i>courtesanish</i>
+      scandal could not make bad worse. Under his superintendence real names
+      were substituted for the fictitious; and it is said, that the choice notes
+      of the lady are interwoven and extended, connected and illustrated, by the
+      same elegant Apollo who used to write love letters for Mary Ann, and <span
+      class="pagenum">[58]</span>love epistles to half a thousand, including
+      Bang and the Bantum, in the dark refectory of the celebrated mother Wood,
+      the Lady of the Priory, or Lisle-street Convent." "If such is the case,
+      'how are the mighty fallen!'" said I.&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;But let us
+      return to the ball-room. As the night advanced, a few more stars made
+      their appearance in the firmament of beauty; among these, Crony pointed
+      out some of the demirespectables, attracted thither either by curiosity or
+      the force of old habit: among these was Charles Wy&mdash;h&mdash;m's bit
+      of rue, that herb of grace, the once beautiful Mrs. Ho&mdash;g&mdash;s,
+      since closely connected with the whiskered Lord P&mdash;&mdash;-, to whose
+      brother, the Honourable F&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;g, her daughter, the elegant
+      Miss W&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;n, had the good fortune to be early
+      married. In the same group appeared another star of no mean attraction,
+      the Honourable Mrs. L&mdash;&mdash;-g, whose present husband underwent the
+      ordeal of a crim. con. trial to obtain her person. 'Par nobile fratum,'
+      the world may well say of the brothers, P&mdash;&mdash;&mdash; and L&mdash;&mdash;-g;
+      while F&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;y, with all his eccentricities, has the
+      credit of being a very good husband. Three little affected mortals, the
+      Misses St&mdash;ts, Crony introduced by the name of the pretenders, from
+      the assumed modesty and great secrecy with which they carry on their
+      amours. '<i>Pas à pas on va bien loin</i>,' says the old French proverb,
+      and rightly too," remarked our ancient; "for if you boys had not brought
+      me here, I should never have known the extent of my experience, or have
+      attempted to calculate the number of my female acquaintances." In the
+      supper-room, which opened at four o'clock in the morning, Waud had spread
+      forth a banquet every way worthy the occasion: a profuse display of the
+      choicest viands of the season and delicacies of the most costly character
+      graced the splendid board, where the rich juice of the grape, and the
+      inviting ripeness of the dessert, were only equalled by the voluptuous
+      votaries who <span class="pagenum">[54]</span>surrounded the repast. It
+      was now that ceremony and the cold restraint of well regulated society
+      were banished, by the free circulation of the glass. The eye of love shot
+      forth the electric flash which animates the heart of young desire, lip met
+      lip, and the soft cheek of violet beauty pressed the stubble down of
+      manliness. Then, while the snowy orbs of nature undisguised heaved like
+      old ocean with a circling swell, the amorous lover palmed the melting
+      fair, and led her forth to where shame-faced Aurora, with her virgin gray,
+      the blue-eyed herald of the golden morn, might hope in vain to draw aside
+      the curtain and penetrate the mysteries of Cytherea. And now, gentle
+      reader, be ye of the hardy sex, who dare the glories of the healthful
+      chase and haunt the peopled stream of gay delight&mdash;or of that lovely
+      race, from which alone man's earthly joys arise, the soft-skinned
+      conquerors of hearts&mdash;be ye prudes or stoics, chaste as virgin gold,
+      or cold as alpine snow&mdash;confess that I have strictly kept my promise
+      here, nor strayed aside in all my wanderings among the daughters of
+      pleasure, to give pain to worthy bosoms or offend the ear of nicest
+      modesty. Pity for the unfortunate, and respect for the feelings of the
+      relatives of the vicious and the dissolute, has prevented the insertion of
+      many anecdotes, with which Crony illustrated his sketches of character.
+      Enough, it is presumed, has been done to show vice in all its native
+      deformity, without wounding the ear by one immoral or indelicate
+      expression. For the unhappy fair ones who form the principal portraits, it
+      should be remembered they have been selected from those only who are
+      notorious, as belles of the first order, stars of fashion, and if not
+      something indebted to fortune they would have escaped enrolment here. When
+      beauty and poverty are allied, it must too often fall a victim to the
+      eager eye of roving lust; for, even to the titled <span class="pagenum">[55]</span>profligate,
+      beauty, when arrayed in a simple garb of spotless chastity, seems
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "&mdash;&mdash;Fairer she
+          In innocence and homespun vestments spread,
+          Than if cerulean sapphires at her ears
+          Shone pendent, or a precious diamond cross
+          Heaved gently on her panting bosom white.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      But let the frail remember, that the allurements of wealth and the
+      blandishments of equipage fall off with possession and satiety; to the
+      force of novelty succeeds the baseness of desertion. For a short time, the
+      fallen one is fed like the silk-worm upon the fragrant mulberry leaf, and
+      when she has spun her yellow web of silken attraction, sinks into decay, a
+      common chrysalis, shakes her trembling and emaciated wings in hopeless
+      agony, and then flutters and droops, till death steps in and relieves her
+      from an accumulation of miseries, ere yet the transient summer of youth
+      has passed over her devoted head.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Bernard Blackmantle.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Cimage-0010" id="Cimage-0010">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page055.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page055 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Clink2H_4_0008" id="Clink2H_4_0008">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE PHILOSOPHY OF LAUGHTER;
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      OR, MR PUNCH IN ALL HIS GLORY.
+    </h3>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Thoughts on the Philosophy of Laughter&mdash;Bernard Blackmantle
+     in Search of a Wife&mdash;First Visit to the Marigold Family&mdash;
+     Sketches of the Alderman, his Lady, and Daughter&mdash;Anecdote
+     of John Liston, and the Citizen's Dinner Party&mdash;Of the
+     Immortal Mr. Punch&mdash;Some Account of the Great Actor&mdash;A
+     Street Scene, sketched from the Life&mdash;The Wooden Drama&mdash;The
+     True Sublime.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Cimage-0011" id="Cimage-0011">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page056.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page056th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page056" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /> <span class="pagenum">[56]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          You may sing of old Thespis, who first in a cart,
+          To the jolly god Bacchus enacted a part;
+          Miss Thalia, or Mrs. Melpomene praise,
+          Or to light-heel'd Terpsichore offer your lays.
+          But pray what are these, bind them all in a bunch,
+          Compared to the acting of Signor Punch?
+          Of Garrick, or Palmer, or Kemble, or Cooke,
+          Your moderns may whine, or on each write a book;
+          Or Mathews, or Munden, or Fawcett, suppose
+          They could once lead the town as they pleased by the nose;
+          A fig for such actors! tied all in a bunch,
+          Mere mortals compared to old deified Punch.
+          Not Chester can charm us, nor Foote with her smile,
+          Like the first blush of summer, our bosoms beguile,
+          Half so well, or so merrily drive caro away,
+          As old Punch with his Judy in amorous play.
+          Kean, Young, and Macready, though thought very good,
+          Have heads, it is true, but then they're not of wood.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[57]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Be ye ever so dull, full of spleen or ennui,
+          Mighty Punch can enliven your spirits with glee.
+          Not honest Jack Harley, or Liston's rum mug
+          Can produce half the fun of his juggity-jug:
+          For a right hearty laugh, tie thorn all in a bunch,
+          Not an actor among them like Signor Punch.
+
+          &mdash;Bernard Blackmantle.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      It was the advice of the prophet Tiresias to Menippus, who had travelled
+      over the terrestrial globe fend descended into the infernal regions in
+      search of content, to be merry and wise;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "To laugh at all the busy farce of state,
+          Employ the vacant hour in mirth and jest."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      "The merrier the heart the longer the life," says Burton in his Anatomy of
+      Melancholy. Mirth is the principal of the three Salernitan doctors, Dr.
+      Merryman, Dr. Diet, and Dr. Quiet. The nepenthes of Homer, the bowl of
+      Retenus, and the girdle of Venus, are only the ancient types of liveliness
+      and mirth, by the free use of which the mind is dispossessed of dulness,
+      and the cankerworm of care destroyed. Seneca calls the happiness of wealth
+      bracteata félicitas, tinfoiled happiness, and infelix félicitas, an
+      unhappy felicity. A poor man drinks out of a wooden dish, and eats his
+      hearty meal with a wooden spoon; while the rich man, with a languid
+      appetite, picks his dainties with a silver fork from plates of gold&mdash;but,
+      in auro bibitur venenum; the one rinds health and happiness in his
+      pottered jug, while the other sips disease and poison from his jewelled
+      cup. A good laugh is worth a guinea, (to him who can afford to pay for it)
+      at any time; but it is best enjoyed when it comes gratuitously and
+      unexpectedly, and breaks in upon us like the radiant beams of a summer sun
+      forcing its way through the misty veil of an inland fog.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      I had been paying a morning visit to a wealthy <span class="pagenum">[58]</span>citizen,
+      Mr. Alderman Marigold, and family, at the express desire of my father, who
+      had previously introduced me for the purpose of fixing my&mdash;affection
+      &mdash;tush&mdash;no, my attention, to the very weighty merits of Miss
+      Biddy Marigold, spinster; a spoiled child, without personal, but with very
+      powerful attractions to a poor Colebs. Two hours' hard fighting with the
+      alderman had just enabled me to retreat from the persecution of being
+      compelled to give an opinion upon the numerous bubble companies of the
+      time, without understanding more than the title of either; to this
+      succeeded the tiresome pertinacity of Mrs. Marigold's questions relative
+      to the movements, ondits, and fashionable frivolities westward, until,
+      fairly wearied out and disgusted, I sat down a lion exhausted, in the
+      window seat, heartily wishing myself like Liston{1} safe out of purgatory;
+      when the sound
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 John Liston, the comedian, is in private life not less
+     conspicuous for finished pleasantry and superior manners
+     than he is on the stage for broad humour; but nothing can
+     offend the actor more than an invitation given merely in the
+     expectation of his displaying at table some of his
+     professional excellences. John had, on one occasion,
+     accepted an invitation to dine with a wealthy citizen en
+     famille; the repast over&mdash;the wine had circulated&mdash;a snug
+     friend proposed the health of Mr. Liston; and John returned
+     thanks with as much dignity as a minister of state eating
+     white bait at Blackwall with the worshipful company of
+     fishmongers. Then came the amiable civilities of the lady of
+     the mansion, evidently intended to ingratiate herself with
+     the actor, the better to secure his assent to her request,
+     but not a muscle of the comedian gave the least
+     encouragement. The little citizens, who were huddled round
+     their mamma, and had been staring at the actor in anxious
+     expectation, were growing very impatient. The eldest boy had
+     already recited young Norval's speech to Lady Douglas, by
+     way of prologue; but the actor still continued mute, never
+     for a moment unbending to the smirking encourage-ment of his
+     hostess, or the jolly laugh-exciting reminiscences of his
+     ruby-faced host; as, for instance, "Lord, Mr. Liston, what a
+     funny figure you looked t'other night in Moll Flaggon!" or,
+     "How you made thorn laugh in Tony Lumpkin! and then what a
+     fright you was in Mrs. Cheshire. Couldn't you give us a
+     touch just now?" "Ay, do, Mr. Liston, pray do," vociferated
+     a dozen tongues at once, including mamma, the little misses
+     and mastery. "The children have been kept up two hours later
+     than usual on purpose," said the lady mother. "Ay, come, my
+     good fellow," reiterated the cit, "take another glass, and
+     then give us some-thing funny to amuse the young ones." This
+     was the finishing blow to Liston's offended dignity&mdash;to be
+     invited to dinner by a fat fleshmonger, merely to amuse his
+     uncultivated cubs, was too much for the nervous system of
+     the comedian to bear; but how to retreat?" I have it,"
+     thought John, "by the cut direct;" rising and bowing,
+     therefore, to the company, as if intending to yield to their
+     entreaties, he begged permission to retire to make some
+     little arrangement in his dress, to personate Vanish; when,
+     leaving them in the most anxious expectation for more than
+     half an hour, on ringing the bell, they learned from the
+     servant that Mr. Liston had suddenly Vanished by the street-
+     door, and was, of course, never seen in that direction more.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[59]</span>of a cracked trumpet in the street
+      arrested my attention. "I vonder vat that ere hinstrument can mean, my
+      dear!" said Mrs. Alderman Marigold, (advancing to the window with eager
+      curiosity). "It's wery likely some fire company's men marching to a
+      bean-feast, or a freemason's funeral obscenities," replied the alderman.
+      When another blast greeted our ears with a few notes of "See the
+      Conquering Hero comes," "La, mamma," whined out Miss Biddy Marigold, "I
+      declare, it's that filthy fellow Punch coming afore our vindow vith his
+      imperence; I prognosticated how it voud be, ven the alderman patronised
+      him last veek by throwing avay a whole shilling upon his fooleries."
+      "You've no taste for fun, Biddy," replied the alderman; at the same time
+      making his daughter and myself a substitute for crutches, by resting a
+      hand upon each shoulder. "I never laid out a shilling better in the whole
+      course of my life. A good laugh beats all the French medicine, and drives
+      the gout out at the great toe. I mean to pension Mr. Punch at a shilling a
+      veek to squeak before my vindow of a Saturday, in preference to paying six
+      guineas for a <span class="pagenum">[60]</span>box to hear all that
+      outlandish squeaking at the hopera." "La, pa, how ungenteel!" said Miss
+      Biddy; "I declare you're bringing quite a new-sense to all the square, vat
+      vith your hurdy-gurdy vonien, French true-baw-dears, and barrel
+      organ-grinders, nobody has no peace not at all in the neighbourhood."
+      During this elegant colloquy, the immortal Mr. Punch had reared his
+      chequered theatre upon the pavement opposite, the confederate showman had
+      concealed himself beneath the woollen drapery, and the Italian comedian
+      had just commenced his merry note of preparation by squeaking some of
+      those little snatches of tunes, which act with talismanic power upon the
+      locomotive faculties of all the peripatetics within hearing, attracting
+      everybody to the travelling stage, young and old, gentle and simple; all
+      the crowd seem as if magic chained them to the spot, and each face
+      exhibits as much anxiety, and the mind, no doubt, anticipates as much or
+      more delight, than if they were assembled to see Charles Kemble, Young,
+      and Macready, all three acting in one fine tragedy. There is something so
+      indescribably odd and ridiculous about the whole paraphernalia of Mr.
+      Punch, that we are irresistibly compelled to acknowledge the superiority
+      of the lignum vito Roscius over the histrionic corps of mere flesh and
+      blood. The eccentricity of this immortal personage, his foreign, funny
+      dialogue, the whim and strange conceit exhibited in his wooden drama, the
+      gratuitous display, and the unrestricted laugh he affords&mdash;all
+      combine to make Mr. Punch the most popular performer in the world. Of
+      Italian origin, he has been so long domiciled in England, that he may now
+      be considered naturalized by common consent. Indeed, I much question, if a
+      greater misfortune could befall the country, than the removal or
+      suppression of Mr. Punch and his laugh-provoking drolleries:&mdash;it
+      would be considered a national calamity; but Mirth protect <span
+      class="pagenum">[61]</span>us from such a terrible mishap! Another sound
+      from an old cracked trumpet, something resembling a few notes of "Arm,
+      Arm, ye Brave," and an accompaniment by the great actor himself of a few
+      more "tut, tut, tutura, lura, lu's," in his own original style, have now
+      raised excitement to the highest pitch of expectation. The half inflated
+      lungs of the alderman expand by anticipation, and his full foggy
+      breathings upon the window-glass have already compelled me more than once
+      to use my handkerchief to clear away the mist. The assembled group waiting
+      the commencement of his adventures, now demands my notice. What a scene
+      for my friend Transit! I shall endeavour to depict it for him. The steady
+      looking old gentleman in the fire-shovel clerical castor, how sagaciously
+      he leers round about him to see if he is likely to be recognised! not a
+      countenance to whom he is known; he smiles with self-complacency at the
+      treat he is about to enjoy; plants himself in a respectable doorway, for
+      three reasons; first, the advantage from the rise of the step increasing
+      his altitude; second, the security of his pockets from attacks behind; and
+      third, the pretence, should any Goth to whom he is known, observe him
+      enjoying the scene, that he is just about to enter the house, and has
+      merely been detained there by accident. Excellent apologist!&mdash;how
+      ridiculous!&mdash;Excessive delicacy, avaunt! give me a glorious laugh,
+      and "throw (affectation) to the dogs; I'll have none of it." Now the farce
+      begins: up starts the immortal hero himself, and makes his bow; a
+      simultaneous display of "broad grins" welcomes his felicitous entrée; and
+      for a few seconds the scene resembles the appearance of a popular election
+      candidate, Sir Francis Burdett, or his colleague, little Cam Hobhouse, on
+      the hustings in Covent Garden; nothing is heard but one deafening shout of
+      clamorous approbation. Observe the butcher's boy has stopped his <span
+      class="pagenum">[62]</span>horse to witness the fun, spite of the
+      despairing cook who waits the promised joint; and the jolly lamp-lighter,
+      laughing hysterically on the top of his ladder, is pouring the oil from
+      his can down the backs and into the pockets of the passengers beneath,
+      instead of recruiting the parish-lamp, while the sufferers are too much
+      interested in the exhibition to feel the trickling of the greasy fluid.
+      The baker, careless of the expectant owner's hot dinner, laughs away the
+      time until the pie is quite cold; and the blushing little servant-maid is
+      exercising two faculties at once, enjoying the frolics of Signor Punch,
+      and inventing some plausible excuse for her delay upon an expeditious
+      errand. How closely the weather-beaten tar yonder clasps his girl's waist!
+      every amorous joke of Signor Punch tells admirably with him; till, between
+      laughing and pressing, Poll is at last compelled to cry out for breath,
+      when Jack only squeezes her the closer, and with a roaring laugh
+      vociferates, "My toplights! what the devil will that fellow Punch do next,
+      Poll?" The milkman grins unheedful of the cur who is helping himself from
+      out his pail; and even the heavy-laden porter, sweating under a load of
+      merchandise, heaves up his shoulders with laughter, until the ponderous
+      bale of goods shakes in the air like a rocking-stone. (See Plate.)
+      Inimitable actor! glorious Signor Punch! show me among the whole of the
+      dramatis persona in the patent or provincial theatres, a single performer
+      who can compete with the mighty wooden Roscius.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Cimage-0012" id="Cimage-0012">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page062.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page062th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page062" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The alderman's eulogium on Mr. Punch was superlatively good. "I love a
+      comedy, Mr. Blackmantle," said he, "better than a tragedy, because it
+      makes one laugh; and next to good eating, a hearty laugh is most
+      desirable. Then I love a farce still better than a comedy, because that is
+      more provokingly merry, or broader as the critics have it; then, sir, a
+      pantomime beats both comedy and <span class="pagenum">[63]</span>farce
+      hollow; there's such lots of fun and shouts of laughter to be enjoyed in
+      that from the beginning to the end. But, sir, there's one performance that
+      eclipses all these, tragedy, comedy, farce, and pantomime put together,
+      and that is Mister Punch&mdash;for a right-down, jolly, split-my-side
+      burst of laughter, he's the fellow; name me any actor or author that can
+      excite the risibilities of the multitude, or please all ages, orders, and
+      conditions, like the squeaking pipe and mad waggeries of that immortal,
+      merry-faced itinerant. If any man will tell me that he possesses genius,
+      or the mellow affections, and that he can pass Punch,
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'Nor cast one longing, lingering look behind;'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      then, I say, that man's made of 'impenetrable stuff;' and, being too wise
+      for whimsicality, is too phlegmatic for genius, and too crabbed for
+      mellowness." Mark, what a set of merry open-faced rogues surround Punch,
+      who peeps down at them as cunningly as "a magpie peeping into a marrow
+      bone; "&mdash;how luxuriantly they laugh, or stand with their eyes and
+      mouths equally distended, staring at the minikin effigy of fun and
+      phantasy; thinking, no doubt,
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "He bin the greatest wight on earth."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      And, certainly, he has not his equal, as a positive, dogmatic,
+      knock-me-down argument-monger; a dare devil; an embodied phantasmagoria,
+      or frisky infatuation. I have often thought that Punch might be converted
+      to profitable use, by being made a speaking Pasquin; and, properly
+      instructed, might hold up his restless quarter staff, in terrorem, over
+      the heads of all public outragers of decency; and by opening the eyes of
+      the million, who flock to his orations, enlighten them, at least, as much
+      as many greater folks, who make more noise than he, and who, <span
+      class="pagenum">[64]</span>like him, often get laughed at, without being
+      conscious that they are the subjects of merriment. The very name of our
+      old friend Punch inspires us in our social moments. What other actor has
+      been commemorated by the potential cup? is not the sacred bowl of
+      friendship dedicated to the wooden hero? would you forget the world, its
+      cares, vexations, and anxieties, sip of the mantling, mirth-inspiring
+      cordial, and all within is jollity and gay delight.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "For Punch cures the gout, the cholic, and the phthisic,
+          And it is to every man the very best of physic."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Honest, kind-hearted Punch! I could write a volume in thy praise, and
+      then, I fear, I should leave half thy merits untold. Thou art worth a
+      hundred of the fashionable kickshaws that are daily palmed upon us to be
+      admired; and thy good-humoured efforts to please at the expense of a
+      broken pate can never be sufficiently praised.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But now the curtain rises, and Mr. Punch steals from behind his two-foot
+      drapery: the very tip of his arched nose is the prologue to a merry play;
+      he makes his bow to the multitude, and salutes them with all the
+      familiarity of an old acquaintance. What a glorious reception does he meet
+      with from an admiring audience! And now his adventures commence&mdash;his
+      "dear Judy," the partner of his life, by turns experiences all the
+      capricious effects of love and war. What a true picture of the storms of
+      life!&mdash;how admirable an essay on matrimonial felicity! Then his
+      alternate uxoriousness to the lady, and his fondlings of that pretty
+      "kretur" with the family countenance; his chivalrous exploits on
+      horseback, and mimic capering round the lists of his chequered tilt-yard;
+      his unhappy differences with the partner of his bosom, and her lamentable
+      catastrophe; the fracas with the sheriff's substitute; and his interview
+      with that incomprehensible personage, <span class="pagenum">[65]</span>the
+      knight of the sable countenance, who salutes him with the portentous
+      address of "schalabala! schalabala! schalabala!" his successive perils and
+      encounters with the ghost of the martyred Judy; and, after his combat with
+      the great enemy of mankind, the devil himself, "propria Marte" his
+      temporary triumph; and, finally, his defeat by a greater man than old
+      Lucifer, the renowned Mr. John Ketch. Talk of modern dramas, indeed!&mdash;show
+      me any of your Dimonds, Reynolds, Dibdins, or Crolys that can compare with
+      Punchiana, in the unities of time, place, costume, and action, intricate
+      and interesting plot, situations provokingly comical and effective, and a
+      catastrophe the most appallingly surprising and agreeable. Then his
+      combats aux batons are superior even to Bradley and Blanchard; but the ne
+      plus ultra of his exploits, the cream of all his comicalities, the grand
+      event, is the ingenious trick by which Mr. Punch, when about to suffer on
+      the scaffold, disposes of the executioner, and frees himself from
+      purgatory, by persuading the unsuspecting hangman, merely for the sake of
+      instruction to an uninitiated culprit, to try his own head in the noose:
+      Punch, of course, seizes the perilous moment&mdash;runs him up to the top
+      of the fatal beam&mdash;Mr. John Ketch hangs suspended in the air&mdash;Punch
+      shouts a glorious triumph&mdash;all the world backs him in his conquest&mdash;the
+      old cracked trumpet sounds to victory&mdash;the showman's hat has made the
+      transit of the circle, and returns half-filled with the voluntary copper
+      contributions of the happy audience. The alderman drops his tributary
+      shilling, while his fat sides shake with laughter; even Mrs. Marigold and
+      the amiable Miss Biddy have become victims to the vulgar inspiration, and
+      are laughing as heartily as if they were enjoying the grimaces of the
+      first of buffos, Signor Ambrogetti. And now the curtain falls, and the
+      busy group disperse their several ways, chuckling with delight over the
+      <span class="pagenum">[66]</span>recollections of the mad waggeries of
+      immortal Mr. Punch.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          All hail! thou first great mimic chief,
+          Physician to the mind's relief;
+          Thrice hail! most potent Punch.
+          Not Momus' self, should he appear,
+          Could dim the lustre of thy sphere;
+          So hail! all hail! great Punch.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Bernard Blackmantle.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Cimage-0013" id="Cimage-0013">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page066.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page066 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Clink2H_4_0009" id="Clink2H_4_0009">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE WESTMINSTER SCHOLAR.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Reminiscences of former Times&mdash;Lamentations of Old Crony&mdash;
+     Ancient Sports and Sprees&mdash;Modern Im-provements&mdash;Hints to
+     Builders and Buyers&mdash;Some Account of the School and its
+     Worthies&mdash;Recollections of old Schoolfellows&mdash;Sketches of
+     Character&mdash;The Living and the Dead.
+
+          "Fast by, an old but noble fabric stands,
+          No vulgar work, but raised by princely hands;
+          Which, grateful to Eliza's memory, pays,
+          In living monuments, an endless praise."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      From a poem by a Westminster Scholar, written during Dr. Friend's
+      Mastership, in 1699.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[67]</span> <a name="Cimage-0014" id="Cimage-0014">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page067.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page067th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page067" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "What say you to a stroll through <i>Thorney Island</i>,{1} this morning?"
+      said old Crony, with whom I had been taking a <i>déjeuné à la fourchette</i>;
+      "you have indulged your readers with all the whims and eccentricities of
+      Eton and of Oxford, and, in common justice, you must not pass by the <i>Westminster
+      blacks</i>."{2} Crony had, I learned, been a foundation scholar during the
+      mastership of Dr. Samuel Smith; when the poet Churchill, Robert Lloyd,
+      (the son of the under-master) Bonnel Thornton, George Colman the elder,
+      Richard Cumberland, and a host of other highly-gifted names, were
+      associated within the precincts of the abbey cloisters. Our way towards
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1  The abbey ground, so called by the monkish writers; but,
+     since Busby's time, more significantly designated by the
+     scholars <i>Birch Island.&mdash;Vide Tidier</i>.
+
+     2  Black&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;s from Westminster; ruff&mdash;s from Winchester;
+     and gentlemen from Eton.&mdash;<i>Old Cambridge Proverb</i>.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[68]</span>Westminster from the Surrey side of
+      Vauxhall bridge, where Crony had taken up his abode, lay through the scene
+      of his earliest recollections; and, not even Crockery himself could have
+      been more pathetic in his lamentations over the improvements of modern
+      times. "Here," said Crony, placing himself upon the rising ground which
+      commands an uninterrupted view of the bank, right and left, and fronts the
+      new road to Chelsea, and, the Grosvenor property; "here, in my boyish
+      days, used the Westminster scholars to congregate for sports and sprees.
+      Many a juvenile frolic have I been engaged in beneath the shadowy willows
+      that then o'ercanopied the margin of old father Thames; but they are
+      almost all destroyed, and with them disappears the fondest recollections
+      of my youth. Upwards, near yonder frail tenement which is now fast
+      mouldering into decay, lived the beautiful gardener's daughter, the flower
+      of Millbank, whose charms for a long time excited the admiration of many a
+      noble name, ay, and inspired many a noble strain too, and produced a
+      chivalrous rivalry among the young and generous hearts who were then of
+      Westminster. Close to that spot all matches on the water were determined;
+      and beneath yon penthouse, many a jovial cup have I partook of with the
+      contending parties, when the aquatic sports were over, in the evening's
+      cool retirement, or seated on the benches which then filled up the space
+      between the trees in front of Watermans' Hall, as the little public house
+      then used to be called. About half a mile above was the favourite
+      bathing-place; and just over the water below Lambeth palace, yet may be
+      seen Doo's house, where, from time immemorial, the Westminster boys had
+      been supplied with funnies, skiffs, wherries, and sailing-boats. The old
+      mill which formerly stood on the right-hand of the river, and from which
+      the place derived its name, has now entirely disappeared; and in lieu of
+      the <span class="pagenum">[69]</span>green fields and pleasant walks with
+      which this part of the suburbs abounded, we have now a number of square
+      brick-dust tubs, miscalled cottages <i>ornée</i>, and a strange-looking
+      Turkish sort of a prison called a Penitentiary, which from being
+      judiciously placed in a swamp is rendered completely uninhabitable.
+      Cumberland-gardens, on the opposite side, was, in former times, in great
+      vogue; here the cits used to rusticate on a summer's evening, coming up
+      the water in shoals to show their dexterity in rowing, and daring the
+      dangers of the watery element to <i>blow a cloud</i> in the fresh air, and
+      ruralise upon the 'margin of old father Thames.'
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Cimage-0015" id="Cimage-0015">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page069.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page069th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page069" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But where can the Westminster boys of the present day look for amusements?
+      there's no snug spot now for a dog-tight or a badger-bait. Earl Grosvenor
+      has converted all the green lanes into Macadamised roads, and covered the
+      turf with new brick tenements. No taking a pleasant toodle with a friend
+      now along the sequestered banks, or shooting a few sparrows or fieldfares
+      in the neighbourhood of the <i>five chimnies</i>{3} not a space to be
+      found free from the encroachments of modern speculators, or big enough for
+      a bowling alley or a cricket match. Tothill-fields have altogether
+      disappeared; and the wand of old Merlin would appear to have waved over
+      and dispersed the most trifling vestiges and recollections of the past. A
+      truce with your improvements!" said Crony, combating my attempt to
+      harmonise his feelings; "tell me what increases the lover's boldness and
+      the maiden's tenderness more than the fresh and fragrant air, the green
+      herbage, and the quiet privacy of retired spots, where all nature yields a
+      delightful inspiration to the mind. There where the lovers find delight,
+      the student finds repose, secluded from the busy haunts of men, and yet
+      able, by a few strides, to mingle again at pleasure with the world, the
+      man of
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     3 Since called the Five-fields, Chelsea; and a favourite
+     resort of the Westminster scholars of that time, but now
+     built upon.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[70]</span>contemplation turns aside to consult his
+      favourite theme, and having run out his present stock of thoughtful
+      meditation, wheels him round, and finds himself one of the busy group
+      again.{4} As we advance
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     4 The Rogent's-park, formerly called Marylebone, is an
+     improve-ment of this nature. It was originally a park, and
+     had a royal palace in it, where, I believe, Queen Elizabeth
+     occasionally resided. It was disbarked by Oliver Cromwell,
+     who settled it on Colonel Thomas Harrison's regiment of
+     dragoons for their pay; but at the restoration of Charles
+     II. it passed into the hands of other possessors; from which
+     time it has descended through different proprietors, till,
+     at length, it has reverted to the Crown, by whose public
+     spirit a magnificent park is secured to the inhabitants of
+     London. The expense of its planting, &amp;c. must have been
+     enormous; but money cannot be better laid out than on
+     purposes of this lasting benefit and national ornament.
+
+     The plan and size of the park is in every respect worthy of
+     the nation. It is larger than Hyde-park, St. James's, and
+     the Greenpark together; and the trees planted in it about
+     twelve years ago have already become umbrageous. The water
+     is very extensive. As you are rowed on it, the variety of
+     views you come upon is admirable: sometimes you are in a
+     narrow stream, closely overhung by the branches of trees;
+     presently you open upon a wide sheet of water, like a lake,
+     with swans sunning themselves on its bosom; by and by your
+     boat floats near the edge of a smooth lawn fronting one of
+     the villas; and then again you catch the perspective of a
+     range of superb edifices, the elevation of which is
+     contrived to have the effect of one palace. The park, in
+     fact, is now belted with groups of these mansions, entirely
+     excluding all sight of the streets. Those that are finished,
+     give a satisfactory earnest of the splendid spirit in which
+     the whole is to be accomplished. There will be nothing like
+     it in Europe. The villas in the interior of the park are
+     planted out from the view of each other, so that the
+     inhabitant of each seems, in his prospect, to be the sole
+     lord of the surround-ing picturesque scenery.
+
+     In the centre of the park there is a circular plantation of
+     im-mense circumference, and in the interior of this you are
+     in a perfect Arcadia. The mind cannot conceive any thing
+     more hushed, more sylvan, more entirely removed from the
+     slightest evidence of proximity to a town. Nothing is
+     audible there except the songs of birds and the rustling of
+     leaves. Kensington gardens, beautiful as they are, have no
+     seclusion so perfect as this.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[71]</span>in life we cling still closer to the
+      recollections of our infancy; the cheerful man loves to dwell over the
+      scenes and frolics of his boyish days; and we are stricken to the very
+      heart by the removal or change of these pleasant localities; the loss of
+      an old servant, an old building, or an old tree, is felt like the loss of
+      an old friend. The paths, and fields, and rambles of our infancy are
+      endeared to us by the fondest and the purest feelings of the mind; we lose
+      sight of our increasing infirmities, as we retrace the joyous mementos of
+      the past, and gain new vigour as we recall the fleeting fancies and
+      pleasant vagaries of our earliest days. I am one of those," continued
+      Crony, "who am doomed to deplore the destructive advances of what
+      generally goes by the name of improvement; and yet, I am not insensible to
+      the great and praiseworthy efforts of the sovereign to increase the
+      splendour of the capital westward; but leave me a few of the green fields
+      and hedgerow walks which used to encircle the metropolis, or, in a short
+      space, the first stage from home will only be half-way out of London. A
+      humorous writer of the day observes, that 'the rage for building fills
+      every pleasant outlet with bricks, mortar,rubbish,and eternal
+      scaffold-poles, which, whether you walk east, west, north, or south, seem
+      to be running after you. I heard a gentleman say, the other day, that he
+      was sure a resident of the suburbs could scarcely lie down after dinner,
+      and take a nap, without finding, when he awoke, that a new row of
+      buildings had started up since he closed his eyes. It is certainly
+      astonishing: one would think the builders used magic, or steam at least,
+      and it would be curious to ask those gentlemen in what part of the
+      neighbouring counties they intend London should end. Not content with
+      separate streets, squares, and rows, they are actually the founders of new
+      towns, which in the space of a few months become finished and inhabited.
+      The precincts of London have more the appearance of a newly-discovered
+      colony than <span class="pagenum">[72]</span>the suburbs of an ancient
+      city.{5} And what, sir, will be the pleasant consequences of all this to
+      posterity? Instead of having houses built to encumber the earth for a
+      century or two, it is ten to one but they disencumber the mortgagee, by
+      falling down with a terrible crash during the first half life, and,
+      perhaps, burying a host of persons in their ruins. Mere paste-board
+      palaces are the structures of the present times, composed of lath and
+      plaster, and Parker's cement, a few coloured bricks, a fanciful viranda,
+      and a balcony, embellished within by the <i>décorateur</i>, and stuccoed
+      or whitewashed without, to give them a light appearance, and hide the
+      defects of an ignorant architect or an unskilful builder; while a very few
+      years introduces the occupant to all the delightful sensations of cracked
+      walls, swagged floors, bulged fronts, sinking roofs, leaking gutters,
+      inadequate drains, and other innumerable ills, the effects of an
+      originally bad constitution, which dispels any thing like the hopes of a
+      reversionary interest, and clearly proves that without a renovation equal
+      to resurrection, both the building and the occupant are very likely to
+      fall victims to a rapid consumption." In this way did Crony contrive to
+      beguile the time, until we found ourselves entering the arena in front of
+      the Dean's house, Westminster. "Here, alone," said my old friend, "the
+      hand of the innovator has not been permitted to intrude; this spot remains
+      unpolluted; but, for the neighbourhood, alas!" sighed Crony, "that is
+      changed indeed. The tavern in Union-street,
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     5 For instance: in what a very short time back were the
+     Bays-water-fields, there is now a populous district, called
+     by the inhabitants "Moscow;" and at the foot of Primrose-
+     hill we are amazed by coming upon a large complication of
+     streets, &amp;c. under the name of "Portland Town." The rustic
+     and primaeval meadows of Kilburn are also filling with raw
+     buildings and incipient roads; to say nothing of the
+     charming neighbourhood of St. John's Wood Farm, and other
+     spots nearer town.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[73]</span>where Charles Churchill, and Lloyd, and
+      Bonnel Thornton used to meet and mix wit, and whim, and strong potation,
+      has sunk into a common pot-house, and is wholly neglected by the scholars
+      of the present time: not that they are a whit more moral than their
+      predecessors, but, professing to be more refined, they are now to be found
+      at the Tavistock, or the Hummums, at Long's, or Steven's; more polished in
+      their pleasures, but more expensive in their pursuits."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Cimage-0016" id="Cimage-0016">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page073th.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page073th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page73" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      As we approached the centre of Dean's-yard, Crony's visage evidently grew
+      more sentimental; the curved lips of the cynic straightened to an
+      expression of kindlier feeling, and ere we had arrived at the school-door,
+      the old eccentric had mellowed down into a generous contemplatist. "Ay,"
+      said Crony, "on this spot, Mr. Black mantle, half a century ago, was I, a
+      light-hearted child of whim, as you are now, associated with some of the
+      greatest names that have since figured in the history of our times, many
+      of whom are now sleeping in their tombs beneath a weight of worldly
+      honours, while some few have left a nobler and a surer monument to exalt
+      them with posterity, the well-earned tribute of a nation's gratitude, the
+      never-fading fame which attaches itself to good works and great actions.
+      Among the few families of my time who might be styled ''<i>magni nominis</i>'
+      in college, were the Finches, the Drummonds, (arch-bishop's sons), and the
+      Markhams. Tom Steele{6} was on the foundation also, and had much fame in
+      playing Davus. The Hothams{7} were considered among the lucky hits of
+      Westminster; the Byngs{8} thought not as lucky as they should have been.
+      Mr. Drake{9}
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     6 A   descendant   of  the   celebrated  Sir  Richard
+     Steele,   the associate of Addison in the Spectator, Tatler,
+     Crisis, &amp;c.
+
+     7  Sir Henry and Sir William Hotham, admirals in the British
+     navy.
+
+     8 Viscount Torrington, a rear-admiral of the blue.
+
+     9 Thomas   Tyrwhitt   Drake,   Esq.,   (I   believe)
+     member   for Agmondesham, Bucks.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[74]</span>of Amersham was one of the best scholars
+      of his time; for a particular act of beneficence, two guineas given out of
+      his private pocket-money to a poor sufferer by a fire, Dr. Smith gave him
+      a public reward of some books. Lord Carmarthen{10} here came to the title,
+      on the death of his eldest brother. Here too he found the Jacksons, and
+      what was more, the Jacksons{11} found him. Lord Foley had, during his stay
+      here, two narrow escapes for his life, once being nearly drowned in the
+      Thames, and secondly, by a hack-horse running away with him: the last
+      incident was truly ominous of the noble lord's favourite, but unfortunate
+      pursuits{12}. Sir John St. Aubyn is here said to have formed his
+      attachments with several established characters in the commercial world,
+      as Mr. Beckett, and others; which afterwards proved of the highest
+      consequence to his pursuits and success in life. Lord Bulkley had the
+      credit of being one of the handsomest and best-humoured boys of his time,
+      and so he continued through life. Michael Angelo Taylor{13} was remarkable
+      for his close application, under his tutor Hume, and the tutor as
+      remarkable for application to him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Hatton, junior. Lawyers, if not always good scholars, generally are
+      something better; with much strong practical sense, and a variety of all
+      that "makes a ready man; "Hatton was all this, both as to scholarship, and
+      the pertinent application of it. Though a nephew of Lord Mansfield, and
+      bred up under his auspices, he was not more remarkable than his brother
+      George for the love of bullion. His abilities were great, and they would
+      have been greatly thought of, had he been personally less locomotive. "Ah,
+      ah," said his uncle, "you'll never prosper till you learn to stay in a
+      place." He replied, "O never fear, sir, do but get me a place; and I'll
+      learn of you to stay in it."
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     10 The present Duke of Leeds.
+
+     11  Dr. Cyril Jackson, afterwards sub-preceptor to his
+     Majesty, George the Fourth, and since canon of Christ
+     Church, Oxford. He refused the primacy of Ireland; was an
+     excellent governor of his college, and died universally
+     respected at Fulpham, in Sussex, in 1819. Dr. William
+     Jackson, his brother, who was Bishop of Oxford, was also
+     Regius Professor of Greek to that university; he died in
+     1815.
+
+     12  His lordship's attachment to the turf is as notorious as
+     his undeviating practice of the purest principles of honour.
+     It will not excite surprise, that such conduct has not been
+     in such pursuits successful.
+
+     13 The member for Durham.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[75]</span>Lord Deerhurst (now Earl of Coventry) had
+      then, as now, very quick parts, and early insight into beautiful
+      composition. Whatever good thing he met with, he was always ready with an
+      immediate parallel; Latin, Greek, or from honesty into English, nothing
+      came amiss to him. He had a quick sense of the ridiculous; and could scout
+      a character at all absurd and suspicious, with as much pleasant scurrility
+      as a gentleman need have.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Banks always made his own exercises, as his exercises have since made him.
+      He was a diligent and good boy; and though an early arithmetician, and
+      fond of numbers, he was as soon distinguished for very honourable
+      indifference to number one.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Douglas (now, I believe, Marquis of Queensberry) was remarkable for the
+      worst penmanship in the school, and the economy of last moments; till then
+      he seldom thought of an exercise. His favourite exercise was in
+      Tothill-fields; from whence returning once very late, he instantly
+      conceived and executed some verses, that were the best of his day. On
+      another day, he was as prompt, and thought to have been more lucky than
+      before; when, lo, the next morning he was flogged! for the exercise was so
+      ill written, that it was not legible even by himself.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Lord Maiden was remarkable for his powers of engaging, and he then, as
+      since, made some engagements, which might as well have been let alone. He
+      made an early promise of all he has since performed. He was very fond of
+      dramatic entertainments, and he enacted much; was accounted a good actor;
+      so was his crony, Jack Wilson, so well known at Mrs. Hobart's, &amp;c.,
+      for his fal de ral tit and for his duets with Lady Craven, Lady A. Foley,
+      &amp;c, &amp;c.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Lord MANSFIELD, then William Murray, here began his career. When at
+      school, he was not remarkable for personal courage, or for mental bravery;
+      though one of the stoutest boys of his standing, he was often beat by boys
+      a year or two below him; and though then acute and voluble, his opinions
+      were suppressed and retracted before minds less powerful but more intrepid
+      than his own. Of his money allowance he was always so good a manager,
+      <span class="pagenum">[70]</span>that he could lend to him who was in
+      need. The famous exercise which Niçois made such a rout about, was in
+      praise of abundance: an English theme on this thesis, from Horace&mdash;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "<i>Dulce est de magno tollore acervo</i>. "
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      He was in college; and no man on earth could conjecture that in his own <i>acervo</i>
+      there would ever be aggrandizement, such as it has since occurred.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Lord Stormont at school began his knack of oral imitations, and when a
+      child, could speak quite as well as afterwards; after his uncle, the
+      disgusting pronunciation of the letter o then too infected his language;
+      he made it come to the ear like an a. Humorously glancing at this
+      affectation, Onslow or Stanhope said "Murray's horse is an ass."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Markham, the Archbishop of York, made an early display of classical taste,
+      and the diligent cultivation of it. Some of his school exercises are
+      extant, and show more than a promise of that refinement and exactness,
+      which afterwards distinguished his performances at Christ Church. The
+      Latin version of the fragment of Simonides, as beautiful as any thing in
+      the whole range of poetical imitation, though published in the Oxford
+      Lachrymo as Mr. Bournes, is known to be written by Mr. Markham.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      At school, too, Markham's conversation had a particularity known to
+      distinguish it. War was his favourite topic, and caught, perhaps, from the
+      worthy major, his father, and from his crony Webb, afterwards the general.
+      It was apparent upon all occasions; when he was to choose his reading as a
+      private study, in the sixth form, Cæsar was his first book; and so
+      continuing through most of his leisure time addicted to this sort of
+      inquiry, the archbishop was afterwards able to talk war with any soldier
+      in England. But, indeed, what is there he could not talk equal to any
+      competitor? To the Archbishop Markham, and through him to Westminster,
+      attach the credit of the good scholarship of the present king. This is
+      little less than a credit to the country.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The Marquis of Stafford had fame for his English exercises; and after
+      saying this of his Wednesday nights' themes, let it also be noted, that he
+      had fame for other exercises of old England. He could ride, run, row, and
+      bat better than most of his comtemporaries; in his potations, too, he was
+      rather deep; but though deep, yet clear; and though gentle, yet not dull.
+      At once a most jolly fellow, and the most magnificent of his time,&mdash;and
+      so "<i>ab incepto processerit</i>."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The Duke of Dorset, then Sackville, (since dead) was good-humoured, manly,
+      frank, and passionately fond of various school <span class="pagenum">[77]</span>exercises;
+      as billiards, at the alehouse in Union-street, (then perhaps a tavern) and
+      <i>double-fives</i> between the two walls at the school-door. For
+      Tothill-fields fame as to cricket, he was yet more renowned: there he was
+      the champion of the town-boys against those in college; and in the great
+      annual match, he had an innings that might have lasted till the time
+      Baccelli <i>run him out</i>, had not the other side given up the game.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      As to the school itself, there it was easy to catch him out; though such
+      was his address, that he was seldom caught out. When he was in school,
+      really few boys were there to better purpose; he made several good prose
+      exercises both in English and Latin; and, what is rare for a boy of rank,
+      with but small aid from the tutor.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      At school, he shot and rowed pretty well; and as he could not always pay
+      for his boat in specie, somebody proposed a barter of <i>Tothill-fields
+      game</i>; but he had a soul above it, and what was more, at his elbow
+      another soul, saying, <i>Carpamus dulcia</i>, and of my dressing. That
+      friend was
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Lord Edward Bentinck, whose culinary fame began on the sparrows and
+      fieldfares knocked down about the Five Chimnies and Jenny's whim. At a
+      bill of fare, and the science how dinner should be put before him, he was
+      then, as since, unrivalled; yet more to his good memorial, he knew how a
+      dinner should be put before other people. For one day, as he was beginning
+      to revel in a surreptitious banquet in the Bowling-alley, his share of the
+      mess Lord Edward gave to the relief of want, which then happened to be
+      wandering by the window.&mdash;"This praise shall last."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Old Elwes, the late member for Berks, may occur, on the mention of want
+      wandering by, though, notwithstanding appearance, he suffered nobody about
+      him to be in such wants as himself. Penurious, perhaps, on small objects;
+      in those which are greater, he was certainly liberal almost to
+      prodigality. The hoarding principle might be strong in him, but in the
+      conduct of it he was often generous, always easy. No man in England
+      probably lost more money in large sums, for want of asking for it: for
+      small money, as in farthings to street beggary, few men probably have lost
+      less. What he had not sufficiently cultivated, was the habit of letting
+      money easily go. So far, he was the reverse of Charles the Second; for on
+      greater occasions, again I say it, he seemed to own the act under the
+      ennobling impulse of systematic generosity, expanding equally in
+      self-denial, and in social sympathy. He was among the most dispassionate
+      and tender-tempered men alive; and, considering <span class="pagenum">[78]</span>all
+      things, it might be reasonable to allot him the meed of meekness upon
+      earth, and of that virtue which seeketh not her own reward.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      His ruling passion was the love of ease.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The beginnings of all this were more or less discernible at school, where
+      Lord Mansfield gave him the nick-name of Jack Meggot.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      His other little particularities were the best running and walking in the
+      school, and the commencement of his fame for riding, which, in the
+      well-known trials in the Swiss Academy, outdid all competition. Worsley,
+      of the Board of Works, alone divided the palm; he rode more gracefully.
+      Elwes was by far the boldest rider.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The Duke of Portland (who died in 1809) was among the <i>delicciæ</i> of
+      each form at Westminster, in all that appertained to temper, the
+      tenderness and warmth of feeling, suavity of approach, and the whole
+      passive power of pleasing. Thus much internal worth, tempered with but
+      little of those showy powers which dazzle and seduce, gave early promise
+      that he would escape all intriguing politics, and never degrade himself by
+      the projects of party; for a party-man must always be comparatively mean,
+      even on a scale of vicious dignity; in violence, subordinate to the
+      ruffian; in chicane, below a common town-sharper.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He had, happily, no talents for party; he was better used by nature. He
+      seemed formed for the kindliest offices of life; to appreciate the worth,
+      and establish the dignity of domestic duties; to exemplify the hardest
+      tasks of friendship and affinity; to display each hospitable charm.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      All that he afterwards did for Chace Price, and Lord Eduard, appeared as a
+      flower in its bud, in Dean's-yard and Tothill-fields, with the fruit-woman
+      under the Gateway, and the coffee-house then opposite.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In his school-exercises, fame is not remembered to have followed any but
+      his Wednesday evening themes: some of them were incomparably the best of
+      the standing. In the rest of the school business, said the master to him
+      one day, "you just keep on this side whipping."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      His smaller habits were none remarkable, except that his diet was rather
+      more blameable in the article of wine. A little too early; a little too
+      much.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This, probably, more than any hereditary taint, made him, in immediate
+      manhood, a martyr to the gout.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Against this, his ancestor's nostrum was tried in vain; the disease would
+      not yield, till it was overborne by abstinence, which, to the praise of
+      the duke's temper, he began and continued, with a splendour of resolution
+      not any where exceeded.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[79]</span>The duke had been long estranged from all
+      animal food but fish, and every fermented liquor. According to the old
+      Latin distich, the poetry of a water-drinker is said to be short-lived,
+      and not fit to live: was this proverbial doom extended to what was not
+      poetry, it might be checked by the prose of the Duke of Portland. Most of
+      his common letters were among the models of epistolary correspondence.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The Duke of Beaufort{14} exhibited at school more of the rudiments of a
+      country gentleman, than the rudiments of Busby; he knew a horse
+      practically, while other boys took it only from description in Virgil.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <i>Stare loco nescit</i>, was however his motto; and through all the
+      demesnes adjacent to his little reign, on the water, and in the water, he
+      was well; on horseback he was yet better; and to ride, or tie, on foot, or
+      on horseback, no boy of his time was more ready at every good turn. He
+      loved his friend; and, such were the engaging powers of his very frank and
+      pleasant manner, his friends all loved him.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Some encumbrances, <i>solito de more</i> of all boys, with the
+      coffee-house, for jellies, fruit, &amp;c, left when he left school, he
+      afterwards discharged with singular éclat.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In regard to scholarship, he was by no means wanting; though it must be
+      owned, he wanted always to be better strangers with them. Like many other
+      boys, he knew much more than he was aware of; for he had as much aversion
+      to the Greek Epigrams, as the best critic could have; and in Terence, as
+      he could find nothing to laugh, Lloyd often raised an opposite emotion.
+      Lloyd, had he lived to this time, would have taken Terence as a main
+      ingredient in his enjoyments. So benevolent is nature to fit the feelings
+      of man to his destiny.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      M'Donald, afterwards Solicitor General, was in college, and had then about
+      him much that was remarkable for good value.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The different ranks in college are rather arduous trials of temper; and he
+      that can escape without imputation through them, and be, as it is called,
+      a junior without meanness, and a senior without obduracy, exhibits much
+      early promise, both as to talents and virtue.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This early promise was M 'Donald's. He was well-respected in either rank,
+      and he deserved it; for he obeyed the time, without being time-serving; he
+      commanded, as one not forgetting what it was to obey.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <i>Par negotiis, neque supra</i>, characterised his scholarship.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     14 Died in 1803.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[80]</span>He had in every form sufficiency, and
+      sometimes eminence. He had more facility in Greek than most boys; his
+      English exercises were conspicuous for language and neatness of turn.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He was a very uncorrupt boy, and his manners were rather elevated; yet it
+      is not remembered that he lost popularity even with the worst boys in the
+      school; the whole secret of which was <i>specie minus quam vi</i>. He was
+      better than he seemed. There was no pride, no offending wish at seclusion.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Though not so remarkable for book knowledge as his brother Sir James, who
+      thus, indeed, was nothing less than a prodigy, yet was M'Donald extremely
+      well and very variously read. In miscellaneous information, far more
+      accomplished than any boy of his time.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Markham, the master, had a high opinion of him; and once, in the midst of
+      strong and favourable prognostics, said, "There was nothing against him
+      but what was for him; rank and connections, and the too probable event of
+      thence advancing into life too forward and too early."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Markham spoke with much sagacity. The <i>rosa sera</i> is the thing, for
+      safe and spreading efflorescence. Well as the wreath might be about
+      M'Donald's brow, it had probably been better, if gathered less eagerly, if
+      put on later.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Cock Langford was the son of the auctioneer&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And there never was an inheritance of qualities like it. He would have
+      made as good an auctioneer as his father; a better could not bo.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Cock Langford, so called, from the other auctioneer Cock, very early in
+      the school discovered great talents for ways and means; and, by private
+      contract, could do business as much and as well as his father.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      His exercises were not noted for any excess of merit, or the want of it.
+      He certainly had parts, if they had been put in their proper direction:
+      that was trade. In that he might have been conspicuously useful.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      As he was in college, and nothing loath in any occasion that led to
+      notice, in spite of a lisp in his speech, he played Davus in the Phormio;
+      which he opened with singidar absurdity, as the four first words terminate
+      in the letter s, which he, from the imperfection in his speech, could not
+      help mangling.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      From the patronage of Lord Orford, Mr. Langford had one of the best
+      livings in Norfolk, £1000 a year; and afterwards, I understand, very well
+      exemplified the useful and honourable duties of a clergyman resident on
+      his benefice.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Hamilton. Every thing is the creature of accident; as that <span
+      class="pagenum">[81]</span>works upon time and place, so are the
+      vicissitudes which follow; vicissitudes that reach through the whole
+      allotment of man, even to the charm of character, and the qualities which
+      produce it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Physically speaking, human nature can redress itself of climate, can
+      generate warmth in high latitudes, and cold at the equator; but in respect
+      to mind and manners, from the law of latitude there is no appeal. Man,
+      like the plants that grow for him, has a proper sky and soil: with them to
+      flourish, without them to fade; through either kingdom, vegetable and
+      moral, in situations that are aquatic, the alpine nature cannot live.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      All this applies to Hamilton wasting himself at Westminster. "Wild
+      nature's vigour working at his root;"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      his situation should have been accordingly; where he might have spread
+      wide and struck deep.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      With more than boyish aptitudes and abilities, he should not thus have
+      been lost among boys. His incessant intrepidity, his restless curiosity,
+      his undertaking spirit, all indicated early maturity; all should have led
+      to pursuits, if not better, at least of more pith and moment than the mere
+      mechanism of dead language!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This by Hamilton (disdaining as a business what as an amusement perhaps
+      might have delighted him) was deemed a dead letter, and as such,
+      neglected; while he bestowed himself on other mechanism, presenting more
+      material objects to the mind.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Cimage-0017" id="Cimage-0017">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page081.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page081th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page081" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Exercises out of school took place of exercises within. Not that like
+      Sackville or Hawkins, he had a ball at every leisure moment in his hand;
+      but, preferably to fives or cricket, he would amuse himself in mechanical
+      pursuits; little in themselves, but great as to what they might have been
+      convertible.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      In the fourth form, he produced a red shoe of his own making. And though
+      he never made a pocket watch, and probably might mar many, yet all the
+      interior machinery he knew and could name. The whole movement he took to
+      pieces, and replaced.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The man who is to find out the longitude, cannot have beginnings; better
+      than these. Count Bruhl, since Madge's death, the best watch-maker of his
+      time, did not raise more early wonder.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Besides this, Hamilton was to be found in every daring oddity. Lords
+      Burlington and Kent, in all their rage for porticos, were nothing to him
+      in a rage for pediments.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      For often has the morning caught him scaling the high pediments of the
+      school-door, and at peril of Ins life clambering down, opening the door
+      within, before the boy who kept the gate could come with the key. His
+      evenings set upon no less perils; in pranks with gunpowder; in leaping
+      from unusual heights into the <span class="pagenum">[82]</span>Thames. As
+      a practical geographer of London, and Heaven only knows how many miles
+      round it, omniscient Jackson himself could not know more.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      All this, surely, was intrinsically right, wrong only in its direction.
+      Had he been sent to Woolwich, he might have come out, if not a rival of
+      the Duke of Richmond, then master of the ordnance, at least a first-rate
+      engineer. In economical arts and improvements, nothing less than national,
+      he might have been the Duke of Bridgewater of Ireland. Had the sea been
+      his profession, Lord Mulgrave might have been less alone in the rare union
+      of science and enterprise.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But all this capability of usefulness and fair fame, was brought to nought
+      by the obstinate absurdity of the people about him; nothing could wean
+      them from Westminster. His grandfather Roan, or Rohan, an old man who
+      saved much money in Rathbone-place, and spent but little of it every
+      evening at Slaughter's coffee-house, holding out large promise to
+      property, so became absolute; and absolute nonsense was his conduct to his
+      grandson. He persevered in the school; where, if a boy disaffects
+      book-knowledge, his books are only bought and sold. And after Westminster,
+      when the old man died, as if solicitous that every thing about his grave,
+      but poppy and mandragora, should grow downwards, his will declared his
+      grandson the heir, but not to inherit till he graduated at Cambridge.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      To Cambridge therefore he went; where having pursued his studies, as it is
+      called, in a ratio inverse and descending, he might have gone on from bad
+      to worse; and so, as many do, putting a grave face upon it, he might have
+      had his degree. But his animal spirits, and love of bustle, could not go
+      off thus undistinguished; and so, after coolly attempting to throw a tutor
+      into the Cam&mdash;after shaking all Cambridge from its propriety by a
+      night's frolic, in which he climbed the sign-posts, and changed the
+      principal signs, he was rusticated; till the good-humour of the university
+      returning, he was re-admitted, and enabled to satisfy his grandfather's
+      will!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      After that, he behaved with much gallantry in America; and with good
+      address in that very disagreeable affair, the contested marriage of his
+      sister with Mr. Beresford the clergyman.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Indeed, through the intercourse of private life he was very amiable. The
+      same suavity of speech, courteous attentions, and general good-nature, he
+      had when a boy, continued and improved: good qualities the more to be
+      prized, as the less probable, from his bold and eager temper, from the
+      turbulence of his wishes, and the hurry of his pursuits.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[83]</span>Jekyl had in part, when a boy, the same
+      happy qualities which afterwards distinguished him so entirely: in his
+      economy of time, in his arts of arranging life, and distributing it
+      exactly, between what was pleasant and what was grave.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      With vigorous powers and fair pursuits, the doing one thing at a time is
+      the mode to do every thing. Had Jekyl no other excellence than this, I
+      could not be surprised when he became attorney-general.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "When you got into the place of your ancestor, Sir Joseph," said the tutor
+      of Jekyl to him, "let this be your motto:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          <i>Et properare loco, et Cesare</i>."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      "Jekyl," said Mrs. Hobart one day, struck with the same address and
+      exactness, "do you know, if you were a painter, Poussin would be nothing
+      to you in the balance of a scene."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Several of his English exercises, and his verses, will not easily be
+      forgotten. And it will be remembered also, in a laughable way, that he was
+      as mischievous as a gentleman need be; the mobbing a vulgar, the hoaxing a
+      quiz, all the dialect of the Thames below Chelsea-reach, and the whole
+      reach of every thing, pleasant but wrong, which the school statutes put
+      out of reach, but what are the practice of the wits, and of every
+      gentleman who would live by the statutes. All these were among Jekyl's
+      early peculiarities, and raised his fame very high for spirit and
+      cleverness.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "So sweet and voluble was his discourse."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      He was very popular among all the boys of his time. And he had a knack yet
+      more gratifying, of recommending himself to the sisters and cousins of the
+      boys he visited.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And he well held up in theory what he afterwards exemplified in fact. For
+      in one of the best themes of the time on this subject,
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "<i>Non formosus erat, sod erat facundus Ulysses</i>,"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      he was much distinguished.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[84]</span>"But the grave has closed upon most of
+      the gay spirits of my earlier time," said Crony; "and I alone remain the
+      sad historian. Yonder porch leads to the dormitory and school-room.{15}
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'There Busby's awful picture decks the place,
+          Shining where once he shone a living grace.'
+
+     15 This school was founded by Queen Elizabeth in 1560, for
+     the education of forty boys, denominated king's scholars
+     from the royalty of their founders; besides which, the
+     nobility and gentry send their sons thither for instruction,
+     so that this establishment vies with Eton in celebrity and
+     respectability. The school is not endowed with lands and
+     possessions specifically appropriated to its own
+     maintenance, but is attached to the general foundation of
+     the collegiate church of Westminster, as far as relates to
+     the support of the king's scholars. It is under the care of
+     the dean and chapter of Westminster, conjointly with the
+     dean of Christ Church, Oxford, and the master of Trinity,
+     Cambridge, respect-ing the election of scholars to their
+     respective colleges. The foundation scholars sleep in the
+     dormitory, a building erected from the design and under the
+     superintendence of the celebrated Earl of Burlington, in the
+     reign of George the First; and in this place the annual
+     theatrical exhibitions take place; the scenery and
+     arrangements having been contrived under the direction of
+     Mr. Garrick, were presented by Archbishop Markham, the
+     former master of the school. The king's scholars are distin-
+     guished from the town-boys, or independents, by a gown, cap,
+     and college waistcoat; they have their dinner in the hall,
+     but seldom take any other meal in college; they pay for
+     education and accommodation as the town-boys; eight of them
+     are generally elected at the end of the fourth year to the
+     colleges above-named; they have studentships at Oxford, and
+     scholarships at Cambridge; the former worth from forty to
+     sixty pounds per annum, but the latter of small beneficial
+     consideration. The scholars propose themselves for the
+     foundation by challenge, and contend with each other in
+     Latin and Greek every day for eight weeks successively, when
+     the eight at the head of the number are chosen according to
+     vacancies. This contest occasions the king's scholarships to
+     be much sought after, as it becomes the ground-work of
+     reputation, and incites desire to excel. There are four boys
+     who are called Bishop's boys, from their being established
+     by Williams, Bishop of Lincoln; they have a gratuitous
+     education, and a small allowance which is suffered to
+     accumulate till the period of their admission into St.
+     John's College, Cambridge; they are distinguished by wearing
+     a purple gown, and are nominated by the dean and head-
+     master.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      What a cloud of recollections, studded with bright and variegated lights,
+      passes before my inward vision! Stars of eminence in every branch of
+      learning, science, and public duties, who received their education within
+      those walls; old Westminsters, whose fame will last as long as old
+      England's records, and who shall doubt <span class="pagenum">[85]</span>that
+      will be to the end of time? Here grew into manhood and renown the Lord
+      Burleigh, King, Bishop of London, the poet Cowley, the great Dryden,
+      Charles Montague, Earl of Halifax, Dr. South, Matthew Prior, the tragedian
+      Rowe, Bishop Hooper, Kennet, Bishop of Peterborough, Dr. Friend, the
+      physician, King, Archbishop of Dublin, the philosopher Locke, Atterbury,
+      Bishop of Rochester, Bourne, the Latin poet, Hawkins Browne, Boyle, Earl
+      of Cork and Orrery, Carteret, Earl of Granville, Charles Churchill, the
+      English satirist, Frank Nicholls, the anatomist, Gibbon, the historian,
+      George Colman, Bonnel Thornton, the great Earl of Mansfield, Clayton
+      Mordaunt Cracherode, Richard Cumberland, the poet Cowper. These are only a
+      few of the great names which occur to me at this moment; but here is
+      enough to immortalize the memory of the old Westminsters."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Clink2H_4_0010" id="Clink2H_4_0010">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      ON FEASTERS AND FEASTING.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     On the Attachment of the Moderns to Good Eating and
+     Drinking&mdash;Its Consequences and Operation upon Society&mdash;
+     Different Description of Dinner Parties&mdash;Royal&mdash;Noble&mdash;
+     Parliamentary&mdash;Clerical&mdash;Methodistical&mdash;Charitable&mdash;
+     Theatrical&mdash;Legal&mdash;Parochial&mdash;Literary&mdash;Commercial and
+     Civil Gourmands&mdash;Sketches at a Side-table, by Bernard
+     Blackmantle.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[86]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "There are, while human miseries abound,
+          A thousand ways to waste superfluous wealth,
+          Without one fool or flatterer at your board,
+          Without one hour of sickness or disgust."
+          &mdash;Armstrong.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      In such esteem is good eating held by the moderns, that the only way in
+      which Englishmen think they can celebrate any important event, or effect
+      any charitable purpose, is by a good dinner. From the palace to the
+      pot-house, the same affection for good eating and drinking pervades all
+      classes of mankind. The sovereign, when he would graciously condescend to
+      bestow on any individual some mark of his special favour, invites him to
+      the royal banquet, seats him <i>tète-à-tête</i> with the most polished
+      prince in Europe; by this act of royal notice exalts him in the public
+      eye, and by the suavity and elegance of his manners rivets his affections
+      and secures his zeal for the remainder of his life. The ministers too have
+      their state dinners, where all important questions are considered before
+      they are submitted to the grand council of the nation. The bishops dine in
+      holy <span class="pagenum">[87]</span>conclave to benefit Christianity,
+      and moralize over Champagne on the immorality of mankind. The judges dine
+      with the lord chancellor on the first day of term, and try their powers of
+      mastication before they proceed to try the merits of their fellow
+      citizens' causes. A lawyer must eat his way to the bar, labouring most
+      voraciously through his commons dinners in the Temple or Lincoln's Inn
+      Halls, before he has any chance of success in common law, common pleas, or
+      common causes in the court of King's Bench or Chancery. The Speaker's
+      parliamentary dinners are splendid spreads for poor senators; but
+      sometimes the feast is infested with rats, whom his majesty's royal
+      rat-catcher immediately cages, and contrives, by the aid of a blue or red
+      ribband, to render extremely useful and docile. Your orthodox ministers
+      dine on tithes, turtle, and Easter offerings, until they become as sleek
+      as their own velvet cushions, and eke from charity to mankind almost as
+      red in the face from the ruby tint of red port, and the sorrowful
+      recollections of sin and death. The methodist and sectarians have their
+      pious love feasts&mdash;bachelor's fare, bread and butter and kisses, with
+      a dram of comfort at parting, I suppose. The deaf, the dumb, the lame, the
+      blind, all have their annual charitable dinnerings; and even the Actor's
+      Fund is almost entirely dependent on the fund of amusement they contrive
+      to offer to their friends at their annual fund dinner. The church-wardens
+      dine upon a child, and the overseers too often upon the mite extorted from
+      the poor. Even modern literature is held in thraldom by the banquetings of
+      modern booksellers and publishers, who by this method contrive to cram the
+      critics with their crudities, and direct the operation of their servile
+      pens in the cutting up of poor authors. At the Publisher's Club, held at
+      the Albion, Dr. Kitchener and Will Jerdau rule the roast; here these
+      worthies may be heard commenting with <span class="pagenum">[88]</span>profound
+      critical consistency on culinaries and the classics, gurgling down heavy
+      potations of black strap, and making still heavier remarks upon black
+      letter bibliomania, until all the party are found labouring "<i>Dare
+      pondus idonea fumo</i>," or, in the language of Cicero, it may be justly
+      said of them, "<i>Damnant quod non intelligent</i>." The magnifico Murray
+      has his merry meetings, where new books are made palatable to certain
+      tastes by sumptuous feastings, and a choice supply of old wines. Colburn
+      brings his books into notice by first bringing his dinner <i>coteries</i>
+      into close conclave; and Longman's monthly melange of authors and critics
+      is a literary statute dinner, where every guest is looking out for a
+      liberal engagement.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Cimage-0018" id="Cimage-0018">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page089.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page089th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page089" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Even the booksellers themselves feast one another before they buy and
+      sell; and a trade sale, without a trade dinner to precede it, would be a
+      very poor concern indeed. Fire companies and water companies, bubble
+      companies and banking companies, all must be united and consolidated by a
+      good dinner company. Your fat citizen, with a paunch that will scarce
+      allow him to pass through the side avenue of Temple Bar, marks his feast
+      days upon his sheet almanack, as a lawyer marks his term list with a
+      double dash, thus =, and shakes in his easy chair like a sack of blubber
+      as lie recapitulates the names of all the glorious good things of which he
+      has partaken at the annual civic banquet at Fishmonger's Hall, or the
+      Bible Association dinner at the City of London Tavern: at the mention of
+      white bait, his lips smack together with joy, and he lisps out
+      instinctively Blackwall: talk of a rump steak and Dolly's, his eyes grow
+      wild with delight; and just hint at the fine green fat of a fresh killed
+      turtle dressed at Birch's, and his whole soul's in arms for a corporation
+      dinner. Reader, I have been led into this strain of thinking by an
+      excursion I am about to make with Alderman Marigold and family, <span
+      class="pagenum">[89]</span>to enjoy the pleasures of a Sunday ordinary in
+      the suburbs of the metropolis; an old fashioned custom that is now fast
+      giving way to modern notions of refinement, and is therefore the more
+      worthy of characteristic record.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Bernard Blackmantle.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Cimage-0019" id="Cimage-0019">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page089b.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page89b " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Clink2H_4_0011" id="Clink2H_4_0011">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      A SUNDAY RAMBLE TO HIGHGATE,
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      OR, THE CITS ORDINARY.
+    </h3>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Bernard Blackmantle's first Excursion with the Marigold
+     Family&mdash;Lucubrations of the Alderman on the Alterations of
+     the Times&mdash;Sketches and Recollections on the Road&mdash;The Past
+     and the Present&mdash;Arrival at the Gate House, Highgate&mdash;The
+     Cit's Ordinary&mdash;Traits of Character&mdash;The Water Drinker, the
+     Vegetable Eater, and the Punster&mdash;Tom Cornish, the
+     Gourmand&mdash;Anecdote of old Tattersall and his Beef Eater&mdash;
+     Young Tat. and the Turnpike Man.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[90]</span>"May I never be merry more," said the
+      alderman, "if we don't go a Maying on Sunday next, and you must accompany
+      us, Master Blackmantle: I always make a country excursion once a year, to
+      wit, on the first Sunday in May, when we join a very jolly party at the
+      Gate House, Highgate, and partake of an excellent ordinary."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "I thought, Pa, you would have given up that vulgar custom when we removed
+      westward, and you were elected alderman of the ward of Cheap."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Ay," said Mrs. Marigold, "if you wish to act politely to your wife and
+      daughter write to the Star and Garter at Richmond, or the Toy at Hampton
+      Court, and order a choice dinner beforehand for a select party; then we
+      should be thought something of, and be able to dine in comfort, without
+      being <span class="pagenum">[91]</span><i>scrowged</i> up in a corner by a
+      Leadenhall landlady, or elbowed out of every mouthful by a Smithfield
+      salesman."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "There it is, Mr. Blackmantle, that's the evil of a man having a few
+      pounds more in his purse than his neighbours&mdash;it makes him miserable
+      with his family at home, and prevents him associating with old friends
+      abroad. If you marry my Biddy, make these conditions with her&mdash;to
+      dispense with all Mrs. Marigold's maxims on modern manners, and be at
+      liberty to smoke your pipe where, and with whom you please."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "I declare, Pa, one would imagine you wished Mr. Blackmantle to lose all
+      his manners directly after marriage, and all respect for his intended
+      bride beforehand."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Nothing of the sort, Miss Sharpwit; but, ever since I made the last
+      fortunate contract, you and your mother have contracted a most determined
+      dislike to every thing social and comfortable&mdash;haven't I cut the
+      Coger's Society in Bride Lane, and the Glee Club at the Ram in Smithfield?
+      don't I restrain myself to one visit a week to the Jolly Old Scugs{1}
+      Society in Abchurch Lane? haven't I declined the chair of the Free and
+      Easy Johns, and given up my command in the Lumber Troop?&mdash;are these
+      no sacrifices? is it nothing to have converted my ancestors' large estate
+      in Thames Street into warehouses, and emigrated westward to be confined in
+      one of your kickshaw cages in Tavistock Square? Don't I keep a chariot and
+      a chaise for your comfort, and consent to be crammed up in a corner at a
+      concert party to hear some foreign stuff I don't understand? Plague take
+      your drives in Hyde Park and promenades in Kensington Gardens! give me the
+      society where I can eat, drink, laugh, joke, and smoke
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 Blue coat boys. The others are all well-known anacreontic
+     meetings held in the city.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[92]</span>as I like, without being obliged to watch
+      every word and action, as if my tongue was a traitor to my head, and my
+      stomach a tyrant of self-destruction."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The alderman's remonstrance was delivered with so much energy and good
+      temper, that there was no withstanding his argument; a hearty laugh, at
+      the conclusion, from Miss Biddy and myself, accompanied by an ejaculation
+      of "Poor man, how ill you are used!" from his lady, restored all to
+      good-humour, and obtained the "<i>quid pro quo</i>," a consent on their
+      parts to yield to old customs, and, for once in a way, to allow the
+      alderman to have a day of his own. The next morning early an open barouche
+      received our party, the coachman being particularly cautioned not to drive
+      too fast, to afford the alderman an opportunity of <i>luxuriating</i> upon
+      the reminiscences of olden time.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      As the carriage rolled down the hill turning out of the New Road the
+      alderman was particularly eloquent in pointing out and describing the once
+      celebrated tea gardens, Bagnigge Wells.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "In my young days, sir, this place was the great resort of city elegance
+      and fashion, and divided the town with Vauxhall. Here you might see on a
+      Sunday afternoon, or other evenings, two thirds of the corporation
+      promenading with their wives and daughters; then there was a fine organ in
+      the splendid large room, which played for the entertainment of the
+      company, and such crowds of beautiful women, and gay fellows in
+      embroidered suits and lace ruffles, all powdered and perfumed like a
+      nosegay, with elegant cocked hats and swords in their sides; then there
+      were such rural walks to make love in, take tea or cyder, and smoke a
+      pipe; you know, Mrs. Marigold, you and I have had many a pleasant hour in
+      those gardens during our courting days, when the little naked Cupid used
+      to sit astride of a swan, and the water spouted from its beak as high as
+      the <span class="pagenum">[93]</span>monument; then the grotto was so
+      delightful and natural as life, and the little bridge, and the gold fish
+      hopping about underneath it, made it quite like a terrestrial paradise{2};
+      but about that time Dr. Whitfield and the Countess of Huntingdon undertook
+      to save the souls of all the sinners, and erected a psalm-singing shop in
+      Tottenham Court Road, where they assembled the pious, and made wry faces
+      at the publicans and sinners, until they managed to turn the heads without
+      turning the hearts of a great number of his majesty's liege subjects, and
+      by the aid of cant and hypocrisy, caused the orthodox religion of the land
+      to be nearly abandoned; but we are beginning to be more enlightened, Mr.
+      Blackmantle, and Understand these <i>trading</i> missionaries and <i>Bible
+      merchants</i> much better than they could wish us to have done. Then, sir,
+      the Pantheon, in Spa Fields, was a favourite place of resort for the bucks
+      and gay ladies of the time; and Sadler's Wells and Islington Spa were then
+      in high repute for their mineral waters. At White Conduit House the Jews
+      and Jewesses of the metropolis held their carnival, and city apprentices
+      used to congregate at Dobney's bowling-green, afterwards named, in
+      compliment to Garrick's Stratford procession, the Jubilee tea-gardens;
+      those were the times to grow rich, Mr. Blackmantle, when half-a-crown
+      would cover the day's expenditure of five persons, and behave liberally
+      too."&mdash;In our way through Islington, the alderman pointed out to us
+      the place as formerly celebrated for a weekly consumption of cakes and
+      ale; and as we passed through Holloway, informed us that it was in former
+      time equally notorious for its cheese-cakes, the fame of which attracted
+      vast numbers on
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     2 Upon reference to an old print of Bagnigge Wells, I find
+     the alderman's description of the place to be a very
+     faithful portrait. The Pantheon is still standing, but
+     converted into a methodist chapel.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[94]</span>the Sunday, who, having satiated
+      themselves with pastry, would continue their rambles to the adjacent
+      places of Hornsey Wood House, Colney Hatch, and Highgate, returning by the
+      way of Hampstead to town.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The topographical reminiscences of the alderman were illustrated as we
+      proceeded by the occasional sallies of Mrs. Marigold's satire: "she could
+      not but regret the depravity of the times, that enabled low shop-keepers
+      and servants to dress equal to their betters: it is now quite impossible
+      to enjoy society and be comfortable in public, without being associated
+      with your tallow-chandler, or your butcher, or take a pleasant drive out
+      of town, without meeting your linen-draper, or your tailor, better mounted
+      or in a more fashionable equipage than yourself."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "All for the good of trade," said the alderman: "it would be very hard
+      indeed if those who enable others to cut a dash all the week could not
+      make a splash themselves on a Sunday; besides, my dear, it's a matter of
+      business now-a-days: many of your kickshaw tradesmen west of Temple Bar
+      find it as necessary to consult <i>appearances</i> in the park and watch
+      the <i>new come outs</i>, as I do to watch the stock market: if they find
+      their customers there in good feather and high repute, they venture to
+      cover another leaf in their ledger; but if, on the contrary, they appear
+      shy, only show of a Sunday, and are cut by the nobs, why then they
+      understand it's high time to close the account, and it's very well for
+      them if they are ever able to <i>strike a balance</i>."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      At the conclusion of this colloquy, we had arrived at the Gate House,
+      Highgate, just in time to hear the landlord proclaim that dinner was that
+      moment about to be served up: the civic rank of the alderman did not fail
+      to obtain its due share of servile attention from Boniface, who undertook
+      to escort our party into the room, and having announced the consequence
+      <span class="pagenum">[95]</span>of his guests, placed the alderman and
+      his family at the head of the table.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      I have somewhere read, "there is as much valour expected in feasting as in
+      fighting; "and if any one doubts the truth of the axiom, let him try with
+      a hungry stomach to gratify the cravings of nature at a crowded ordinary&mdash;or
+      imagine a well disposed group of twenty persons, all in high appetite and
+      "eager for the fray" sitting down to a repast scantily prepared for just
+      half the number, and crammed into a narrow room, where the waiters are of
+      necessity obliged to wipe every dish against your back, or deposit a
+      portion of gravy in your pocket, to say nothing of the sauce with which a
+      remonstrance is sure to fill both your ears. Most of the company present
+      upon this occasion appeared to have the organs of destructiveness to an
+      extraordinary degree, and mine host of the Gate House, who is considered
+      an excellent physiognomist, looked on with trembling and disastrous
+      countenance, as he marked the eager anxiety of the expectant <i>gourmands</i>
+      sharpening their knives, and spreading their napkins, at the shrine of
+      Sensuality, exhibiting the most voracious symptoms of desire to commence
+      the work of demolition.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A small tureen of mock turtle was half lost on its entrance, by being
+      upset over the leg of a dancing-master, who capered about the room to
+      double quick time, from the effects of a severe scalding; on which the
+      alderman (with a wink) observed, that the gentleman had no doubt caused
+      many a <i>calf s head to dance</i> about in his time, and now he had met
+      with a rich return. "I'll bring an action against the landlord for the
+      carelessness of his waiter." "You had better not," said the alderman. "Why
+      not, sir?" replied the smarting son of Terpsichore. "Because you have only
+      <i>one leg to stand on</i>." This sally produced a general laugh, and
+      restored all to good humour. On the appearance of a fine cod's head and
+      shoulders, the <span class="pagenum">[96]</span>rosy gills of Marigold
+      seemed to extend with extatic delight; while a dozen voices assailed him
+      at once with "I'll take fish, if you please." "Ay, but you don't take me
+      for a fag: if you please, gentlemen, I shall help the ladies first, then
+      myself and friend, and afterwards you may divide the <i>omnium and scrip</i>
+      just as you please."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "What a strange animal!" whispered the dancing master to his next
+      neighbour, an old conveyancer. "Yes, sir," replied the man of law, "a city
+      shark, I think, that will swallow all our share of the fish."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Don't you think, Mr. Alderman," said a lusty lady on the opposite side of
+      the table, "the fish is rather <i>high</i>?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "No, ma'ain, it's my opinion," (looking at the fragments) "the company
+      will find it rather low."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Ay, but I mean, Mr. Alderman, it's not so <i>fresh</i> as it might be."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why the head did whisper to me, ma'am, that he had not been at sea these
+      ten days; only I thought it rude to repeat what was told me in confidence,
+      and I'm not fond of <i>fresh things</i> myself, am I, Mrs. Marigold? Shall
+      I help you to a little fowl, ma'am, a wing, or a merry thought?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Egad! Mr. Alderman, you are always ready to assist the company with the
+      latter."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Yes, ma'am, always happy to help the ladies to a __tit bit: shall I send
+      you the <i>recorder's nose</i>? Bless my heart, how warm it is! Here, Joe,
+      hang my wig behind me, and place that calf's-head before me." (See Plate.)
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Very sorry, ma'am, very sorry indeed," said Mr. Deputy Flambeau to the
+      lady next him, whose silk dress he had just bespattered all over; "could
+      not have supposed this little pig had so much gravy in him," as Lady
+      Macbeth says.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "I wish you'd turn that ere nasty thing right round, Mr. Deputy," growled
+      out a city <span class="pagenum">[97]</span>costermonger, "'cause my
+      wife's quite alarmed for her <i>grose</i> de Naples."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Not towards me, if you please, Mr. Deputy," simpered out Miss Marigold,
+      "because thereby hangs a tail, i.e. (tale)."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "That's my Biddy's ultimatum," said the alderman; "she never makes more
+      than one good joke a day."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "If they are all as good as the last, they deserve the benefit of frequent
+      resurrection, alderman."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why so, Mr. Blackmantle?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Because they will have the merit of being very funny upon a very grave
+      subject&mdash;<i>jeu d'esprits</i> upon our latter end."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Could you make room for three more gentlemen?" said the waiter, ushering
+      in three woe-begone knights of the trencher, who, having heard the fatal
+      clock strike when at the bottom of the hill, and knowing the punctuality
+      of the house, had toiled upwards with breathless anxiety to be present at
+      the first attack, and arrived at the end of the second course, <i>just in
+      time to be too late</i>. "Confound all clocks and clockmakers! set my
+      watch by Bishopsgate church, and made sure I was a quarter too fast."
+      "Very sorry, gentlemen, very sorry, indeed," said Boniface; "nothing left
+      that is eatable&mdash;not a chop or a steak in the house; but there is an
+      excellent ordinary at the Spaniards, about a mile further down the lane;
+      always half an hour later than ours." "Ay, it's a grievous affair,
+      landlord; but howsomdever, if there's nothing to eat, why we must go: we
+      meant to have done you justice to-day&mdash;but never mind, we'll be in
+      time for you another Sunday, old gentleman, depend upon it; "and with this
+      significant promise the three <i>hungarians</i> departed, not a little
+      disappointed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Those three men are no ordinary customers," said our host; "they have
+      done us the honour to dine here <i>before</i>, and what is more, of
+      leaving nothing <i>behind</i>; one of them is the celebrated Yorkshireman,
+      Tom <span class="pagenum">[98]</span>Cornish, whom General Picton pitted
+      against a Hanoverian glutton to eat for a fortnight, and found, at the end
+      of a week, that he was a whole bullock, besides twelve quartern loaves,
+      and half a barrel of beer, ahead of his antagonist; and if the Hanoverian
+      had not given up, Tom would have eaten the rations of a whole company. His
+      father is said to have been equally gluttonous and penurious, and could
+      eat any given quantity: this person once dining with a member of the
+      Society of Friends, who was also a scion of Elwes' school, after having
+      eat enough for four moderate visitors, re-helped himself, exclaiming, 'You
+      see it's cut and come again with me! 'to which the sectarian gravely
+      replied, 'Friend, cut again thou may'st, but come again thou never
+      shalt.'"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Ay, that's a very good joke, landlord," said the alderman; "but you know
+      I am up to your jokes: you think these long stories will save your mutton,
+      but there you're wrong&mdash;they only give time to take breath; so bring
+      in the sirloin and the saddle of mutton, waiter; and when we've done
+      dinner I'll tell you an anecdote of old Tattersall and his beef-eater,
+      which occurred at this house in a former landlord's time. Come, Mr.
+      Blackmantle, let me send you a slice of the sirloin, and tell us what you
+      think of good eating."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "That the wit of modern times directs all its rage <i>ad gulam</i>; and
+      the only inducement to study is <i>erudito luxu</i>, to please the palate,
+      and satisfy the stomach. Even my friend Ebony, the northern light, has
+      cast off the anchorite, and sings thus jollily:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'The science of eating is old,
+          Its antiquity no man can doubt:
+          Though Adam was squeamish, we're told,
+          Eve soon found a <i>dainty bit</i> out.'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      "We talk of the degeneracy of the moderns, as if men now-a-days were in
+      every respect inferior to their <span class="pagenum">[99]</span>ancestors;
+      but I maintain, and challenge contradiction, that there are many stout
+      rubicund gentlemen in this metropolis that might be backed for eating or
+      drinking with any Bacchanalian or masticator since the days of Adam
+      himself. What was <i>Offellius Bibulus</i>, the Roman parasite, or <i>Silenus
+      Ebrius</i>, or <i>Milo</i>, who could knock down an ox, and eat him up
+      directly afterwards, compared to Tom Cornish, or Richardson the oyster
+      eater?{3} or what are all these opposed to the Oxonian, who, a short time
+      since, went to the Swan at Bedford, and ordered dinner? a goose being
+      brought, he hacked it in a style at which Mrs. Glass would have fainted;
+      indeed so wretched was the mutilated anatomy, in appearance, from bad
+      carving, that, being perfectly ashamed of it, he seized the moment when
+      some poor mendicant implored his charity at the window, deposited the
+      remains of the goose in his apron, rang the bell, and asked for his bill:
+      the waiter gazed a moment at the empty dish, and then rushing to the
+      landlord, exclaimed, 'Oh! measter, measter, the gentleman eat the goose,
+      bones and all!' and the worthies of Bedford believe the wondrous tale to
+      this day."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      To return to Tom Cornish, our host informed us his extraordinary powers of
+      mastication were well known, and dreaded by all the tavern-keeping
+      fraternity who had Sunday ordinaries within ten miles round London, with
+      some of whom he was a regular annuitant, receiving a trifle once a year,
+      in lieu of giving them a <i>benefit</i>, as he terms the filling of his
+      voracious paunch. A story is told of his father, who is said to have kept
+      a very scanty table, that dining one Saturday with
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     3 In 1762, says Evelyn in his Diary, "one Richardson,
+     amongst other feats, performed the following: taking a live
+     coal on his tongue, he put on it a raw oyster; the coal was
+     blown on with a bellows, till it flamed in his mouth, and so
+     remained till the oyster gaped, and was quite boiled."
+     Certainly the most simple of all cooking apparatus.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[100]</span>his son at an ordinary in Cambridge, he
+      whispered in his ear, "Tom, you must eat for to-day and to-morrow." "O
+      yes," retorted the half-starved lad, "but I han't eaten for yesterday, and
+      the day before yet, father." In short, Tom makes but one hearty meal in a
+      week, and that one might serve a troop of infantry to digest. The
+      squalling of an infant at the lower end of the room, whose papa was vainly
+      endeavouring to pacify the young gourmand with huge spoonfuls of
+      mock-turtle, drew forth an observation from the alderman, that had well
+      nigh disturbed the entire arrangement of the table, and broke up the
+      harmony of the scene "with most admired disorder;" for on the head of the
+      Marigold family likening the youngster's noise to a chamber organ, and
+      quaintly observing that they always had music during dinner at
+      Fishmongers' Hall, the lady mother of the infant, a jolly dame, who
+      happened to be engaged in the shell fish line, took the allusion
+      immediately to herself, and commenced such a furious attack upon the
+      alderman as proved her having been regularly matriculated at the college
+      in Thames Street.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      When the storm subsided the ladies had vanished, and the alderman moved an
+      adjournment to what he termed the <i>snuggery</i>, a pleasant little room
+      on the first floor, which commanded a delightful prospect over the
+      adjacent country. Here we were joined by three eccentric friends of the
+      Marigold family, who came on the special invitation of the alderman, Mr.
+      Peter Pendragon, a celebrated city punster, Mr. Philotus Wantley, a
+      vegetable dieter, and Mr. Galen Cornaro, an abominator of wine, and a
+      dyspeptic follower of Kitchener and Abernethy&mdash;a trio of
+      singularities that would afford excellent materials for my friend Richard
+      Peake, the dramatist, in mixing up a new <i>monopolylogue</i> for that
+      facetious child of whim and wit, the inimitable Charles Mathews. Our first
+      story, while the wine was decantering, proceeded from the <span
+      class="pagenum">[101]</span>alderman, who having been driven from the
+      dinner table somewhat abruptly by the amiable <i>caro sposa</i> of the
+      fish-merchant, had failed in giving us his promised anecdote of old
+      Tattersall and his beef-eater. "I have dined with him often in this
+      house," said the alderman, "in my earlier days, and a pleasant, jovial,
+      kindhearted fellow he was, one who would ride a long race to be present at
+      a good joke, and never so happy as when he could trot a landlord, or knock
+      down an argument monger with his own weapons. The former host of the Gate
+      House was a bit of a screw, and old Tat knew this; so calling in one day,
+      as if by accident, Tat sat him down to a cold round of beef, by way of
+      luncheon, and having taken some half ounce of the meat, with a few
+      pickles, requested to know what he had to pay for his eating. 'Three
+      shillings, sir,' said the waiter. 'Three devils!' ejaculated Tat, with
+      strong symptoms of surprise, for in those days three shillings would have
+      nearly purchased the whole round: 'send in your master.' In walks the
+      host, and Tat renewed his question, receiving in reply a reiteration of
+      the demand, but accompanied with this explanation, that peck high or peck
+      low, it was all the same price: 'in short, sir,' said the host, 'I keep
+      this house, and I mean the house should keep me, and the only way I find
+      to insure that is to make the short stomachs pay for the long ones.' 'Very
+      well,' said Tat, paying the demand, 'I shall remember this, and bring a
+      friend to dine with you another day.' At this time Tat had in his employ a
+      fellow called Oxford Will, notorious for his excessive gluttony, a very
+      famine breeder, who had won several matches by eating for a wager, and who
+      had obtained the appellation of Tattersall's beef-eater. This fellow Tat
+      dressed in decent style, and fixing him by his side in the chaise, drove
+      up to the Gate House on a Sunday to dine at the ordinary, taking care to
+      be in excellent time, and making a previous appointment with a few friends
+      <span class="pagenum">[102]</span>to enjoy the joke. At dinner Will was,
+      by arrangement, placed in the chair, and being well instructed and
+      prepared for execution, was ably supported by Tat and his friends: the
+      host, too, who was in excellent humour, quite pleased to see such a
+      numerous and respectable party, apologised repeatedly, observing that he
+      would have provided more abundantly had he known of the intended honour:
+      in this way all things proceeded very pleasantly with the first course,
+      Will not caring to make any very wonderful display of his masticatory
+      prowess with either of the <i>unsubstantials</i>, fish or soup; but when a
+      fine <i>aitch-bone</i> of beef came before the gourmand, he stuck his fork
+      into the centre, and, unheedful of the ravenous solicitations of those
+      around him requesting a slice, proceeded to demolish the whole joint, with
+      as much celerity as the hyena would the harmless rabbit: the company
+      stared with astonishment; the landlord, to whom the waiters had
+      communicated the fact, entered the room in breathless haste; and on
+      observing the empty dish, and hearing Will direct the waiter to take away
+      the bone and bring him a clean plate, was apparently thunder-struck: but
+      how much was his astonishment increased upon perceiving Will help himself
+      to a fine young turkey, stuffed with sausages, which he proceeded to
+      dissect with anatomical ability, and by this time the company
+      understanding the joke, he was allowed uninterruptedly to deposit it in
+      his immense capacious receptacle, denominated by old Tat the <i>fathomless
+      vacuum</i>. Hitherto the company had been so completely electrified by the
+      extra-ordinary powers of the glutton, that astonishment had for a short
+      time suspended the activity of appetite, as one great operation of nature
+      will oftentimes paralyze the lesser affections of the body; but, as Will
+      became satisfied, the remainder of the party, stimulated by certain
+      compunctious visitings of nature, called cravings of the stomach, gave
+      evident symptoms of <span class="pagenum">[103]</span>a very opposite
+      nature: in vain the landlord stated his inability to produce more viands,
+      he had no other provisions in the house, it was the sabbath-day, and the
+      butchers' shops were shut, not a chop or a steak could be had: here Will
+      feigned to join his affliction with the rest&mdash;he could have enjoyed a
+      little snack more, by way of finish. This was the climax; the party,
+      according to previous agreement, determined to proceed to the next inn to
+      obtain a dinner; the landlord's remonstrance was perfectly nugatory; they
+      all departed, leaving Tat and his man to settle with the infuriated host;
+      and when the bill was brought in they refused to pay one sixpence more
+      than the usual demand of three shillings each, repeating the landlord's
+      own words, that peck high or peck low, it was all the same price."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      With the first glass of wine came the inspiring toast of "The Ladies," to
+      which Mr. Philotus Wantley demurred, not on account of the sex, for he
+      could assure us he was a fervent admirer, but having studied the wise
+      maxims of Pythagoras, and being a disciple of the Brahma school,
+      abominators of flesh and strong liquors, he hoped to be excused, by
+      drinking the ladies in <i>aqua pura</i>.&mdash;" Water is a monstrous
+      drink for Christians!" said the alderman, "the sure precursor of coughs,
+      colds, consumptions, agues, dropsies, pleurisies, and spleen. I never knew
+      a water-drinker in my life that was ever a fellow of any spirit, mere
+      morbid anatomies, starvelings and hypochondriacs: your water-drinkers
+      never die of old age, but melancholy."&mdash;"Right, right, alderman,"
+      said Mr. Pendragon; "a cup of generous wine is, in my opinion, excellent
+      physic; it makes a man lean, and reduces him to friendly dependence on
+      every thing that bars his way: sometimes it is a little grating to his
+      feelings, to be sure, but it generally passes off with an hic-cup.
+      According to Galen, sir, the waters of <i>Astracan</i> breed worms in
+      those who taste them; those <span class="pagenum">[104]</span>of <i>Verduri</i>,
+      the fairest river in Macedonia, make the cattle who drink of them black,
+      while those of Peleca, in Thessaly, turn every thing white; and Bodine
+      states that the stuttering of the families of Aquatania, about Labden, is
+      entirely owing to their being water-drinkers: a man might as well drink of
+      the river Styx as the river Thames, '<i>Stygio monstrum conforme paludi</i>,'
+      a monstrous drink, thickened by the decomposition of dead Christians and
+      dead brutes, and purified by the odoriferous introduction of gas water and
+      puddle water, joined to a pleasant and healthy amalgamation of all the
+      impurities of the common sewers.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'As nothing goes in so thick,
+          And nothing comes out so thin,
+          It must follow, of course,
+          That no-thing can be worse,
+          As the dregs are all left within.'"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      "Very well, Mr. Pendragon, very well, indeed," said Mr. Galen Cornaro, an
+      eccentric of the same school, but not equally averse to wine; "'temperance
+      is a bridle of gold; and he who uses it rightly is more like a god than a
+      man.' I have no objection to a cup of generous wine, provided nature
+      requires it&mdash;but 'simple diet,' says Pliny, 'is best;' for many
+      dishes bring many diseases. Do you know John Abernethy, sir? he is the <i>manus
+      dei</i> of my idolatry. 'What ought I to drink?' inquired a friend of mine
+      of the surgeon. 'What do you give your horse, sir?' was the question in
+      reply. 'Water.' 'Then drink water,' said Abernethy. After this my friend
+      was afraid to put the question of eatables, lest the doctor should have
+      directed him to live on oats. 'Your modern good fellows,' continued John,
+      'are only ambitious of rivalling a brewer's horse; who after all will
+      carry more liquor than the best of them.' 'What is good to assist a weak
+      digestion?' said another patient. 'Weak food and warm clothing,' was the
+      reply; 'not, <span class="pagenum">[105]</span>however, forgetting my <i>blue
+      pill</i>.' When you have dined well, sleep well: wrap yourself up in a
+      warm watch-coat, and imitate your dog by basking yourself at full length
+      before the fire; these are a few of the Abernethy maxims for dyspeptic
+      patients." I had heard much of this celebrated man, and was desirous of
+      gleaning some more anecdotes of his peculiarities. With this view I laid
+      siege to Mr. Galen Cornaro, who appeared to be well acquainted with the
+      whims of the practitioner. "I remember, sir," said my informant, "a very
+      good fellow of the name of Elliot, a bass-singer at the concerts and
+      theatres of the metropolis; a man very much resembling John Abernethy in
+      person, and still more so in manner; one who under a rough exterior
+      carried as warm a heart as ever throbbed within the human bosom. Elliot
+      had fallen ill of the jaundice, and having imbibed a very strong dislike
+      to the name of doctor, whether musical or medical, refused the
+      solicitations of his friends to receive a visit from any one of the
+      faculty; to this eccentricity of feeling he added a predilection for
+      curing every disease of the body by the use of simples, decoctions, and
+      fomentations extracted from the musty records of old Culpepper, the
+      English physician. Pursuing this principle, Elliot every day appeared to
+      grow worse, and drooped like the yellow leaf of autumn in its sear; until
+      his friends, alarmed for his safety, sent to Abernethy, determined to take
+      the patient by surprise. Imagine a robust-formed man, sinking under
+      disease and <i>ennui</i>, seated before the fire, at his side a table
+      covered with phials and pipkins, and near him his <i>vade mecum</i>, the
+      renowned Culpepper. A knock is heard at the door. 'Come in!' vociferates
+      the invalid, with stentorian lungs yet unimpaired; and enter John
+      Abernethy, not a little surprised by the ungraciousness of his reception.
+      'Who are you?' said Elliot in thorough-bass, just inclining his head half
+      round to recognize his visitor, <span class="pagenum">[106]</span>without
+      attempting to rise from his seat: Abernethy appeared astonished, but
+      advancing towards his patient, replied, 'John Abernethy.'
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      'Elliot. Oh, the doctor!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      'Abernethy. No, not the doctor; but plain John Abernethy, if you please.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      'Elliot. Ay, my stupid landlady sent for you, I suppose.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      'Abernethy. To attend a very stupid patient, it would appear.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      'Elliot. Well, as you are come, I suppose I must give you your fee.
+      (Placing the gold upon the table.)
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      'Abernethy (looking rather cross.) What's the matter with you?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      'Elliot. Can't you see?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      'Abernethy. Oh yes, I see very well; then tasting some of the liquid in
+      the phials, and observing the source from whence the prescriptions had
+      been extracted, the surgeon arrived at something that was applicable to
+      the disease. Who told you to take this?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      'Elliot. Common sense.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      'Abernethy putting his fee in his pocket, and preparing to depart. Good
+      day.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      'Elliot (reiterating the expression.) Good day! Why, you mean to give me
+      some advice for my money, don't you?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      'Abernethy, with the door in his hand. Follow common sense, and you'll do
+      very well.'
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Thus ended the interview between Abernethy and Elliot. It was the old
+      tale of the stammerers personified; for the professional and the patient
+      each conceived the other an imitator. On reaching the ground-floor the
+      surgeon was, however, relieved from his embarrassment by the communication
+      of the good woman of the house, who, in her anxiety to serve Elliot, had
+      produced this extraordinary scene. Abernethy laughed heartily&mdash;assured
+      her that the patient would do well&mdash;wrote a prescription for him&mdash;begged
+      <span class="pagenum">[107]</span>he might hear how he proceeded&mdash;and
+      learning he was a professional man, requested the lady of the mansion to
+      return him his fee."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Ay," said the alderman, "that was just like John Abernethy. I remember
+      when he tapped poor Mrs. Marigold for the dropsy, he was not very tender,
+      to be sure, but he soon put her out of her tortures. And when on his last
+      visit I offered him a second twenty pound note for a fee, I thought he
+      would have knocked me down; asked me if I was the fool that gave him such
+      a sum on a former occasion; threw it back again with indignation, and said
+      he did not rob people in that manner." No professional man does more
+      generous actions than John Abernethy; only it must be after his own
+      fashion.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Come, gentlemen, the bottle stands still," said Mr. Pendragon, "while you
+      are running through the merits of drinking. Does not Rabelais contend that
+      good wine is the best physic?' because there are more old tipplers than
+      old physicians.' Custom is every thing; only get well seasoned at the
+      first start, and all the rest of life is a summer's scene. Snymdiris the
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Sybarite never once saw the sun rise or set during a course of twenty
+      years; yet he lived to a good old age, drank like a centaur, and never
+      went to bed sober."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And when his glass was out, he fell Like some ripe kernel from its shell.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "I was once an anti-gastronomist and a rigid antisaccharinite; sugar and
+      milk were banished from my breakfast-table, vegetables and puddings my
+      only diet, until I almost ceased to vegetate, and my cranium was
+      considered as soft as a custard; and curst hard it was to cast off all
+      culinary pleasures, sweet reminiscences of my infancy, commencing with our
+      first spoonful of pap, for all young protestants are papists; to this day
+      my heart (like Wordsworth's) <span class="pagenum">[108]</span>overflows
+      at the sight of a pap-boat&mdash;the boat a child first mans; to speak
+      naughty-cally, as a nurse would say, how many a row is there in the
+      pap-boat&mdash;how many squalls attend it when first it comes into contact
+      with the skull! But I am now grown corpulent; in those days I was a
+      lighter-man, and I believe I should have continued to live (exist) upon
+      herbs and roots; but Dr. Kitchener rooted up all my prejudices, and
+      overturned the whole system of my theory by practical illustrations.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "Thus he that's wealthy, if he's wise,
+          Commands an earthly paradise;
+          That happy station nowhere found,
+          But where the glass goes freely round.
+          Then give us wine, to drown the cares
+          Of life in our declining years,
+          That we may gain, if Heav'n think fitting,
+          By drinking, what was lost by eating:
+          For though mankind for that offence
+          Were doom'd to labour ever since,
+          Yet Mercy has the grape impower'd
+          To sweeten what the apple sour'd."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      To this good-humoured sally of Pendragon succeeded a long dissertation on
+      meats, which it is not <i>meet</i> I should relate, being for the most
+      part idle conceits of Mr. Galen Cornaro, who carried about him a long list
+      of those prescribed eatables, which engender bile, breed the <i>incubus</i>,
+      and produce spleen, until, according to his bill of fare, he had left
+      himself nothing to subsist upon in this land of plenty but a mutton-chop,
+      or a beef-steak. What pleased me most was, that with every fresh bottle
+      the two disciples of Pythagoras and Abernethy became still more vehement
+      in maintaining the necessity for a strict adherence to the theory of water
+      and vegetable economy; while their zeal had so far blinded their
+      recollection, that when the ladies returned from their walk to join us at
+      tea, they were both "<i>bacchi plenis</i>," as Colman has it, something
+      inclining from <span class="pagenum">[109]</span>a right line, and
+      approaching in its motion to serpentine sinuosities. A few more puns from
+      Mr. Pendragon, and another story from the alderman, about his friend,
+      young Tattersall, employing Scroggins the bruiser, disguised as a
+      countryman to beat an impudent Highgate toll-keeper, who had grossly
+      insulted him, finished the amusements of the day, which Mrs. Marigold and
+      Miss Biddy declared had been spent most delightfully, so rural and
+      entertaining, and withal so economical, that the alderman was induced to
+      promise he would not dine at home again of a Sunday for the rest of the
+      summer. To me, at least, it afforded the charm of novelty; and if to my
+      readers it communicates something of character, blended with pleasure in
+      the perusal, I shall not regret my Sunday trip with the Marigold family
+      and first visit to the
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      GATE HOUSE, HIGHGATE. <a name="Cimage-0020" id="Cimage-0020">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page109.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page109 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Clink2H_4_0012" id="Clink2H_4_0012">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE STOCK EXCHANGE.
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      <span class="pagenum">[110]</span>
+    </h3>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Have you ever seen Donnybrook fair?
+          Or in a <i>caveau</i> spent the night?
+          On Waterloo's plains did you dare
+          To engage in the terrific fight?
+          Has your penchant for life ever led
+          You to visit the Finish or Slums,
+          At the risk of your pockets and head?
+          Or in Banco been fixed by the bums?
+          In a smash at the hells have you been,
+          When pigeons were pluck'd by the bone?
+          Or enjoy'd the magnificent scene
+          When our fourth George ascended his throne?
+          Have you ever heard Tierney or Canning
+          A Commons' division address?
+          Or when to the gallery ganging,
+          Been floor'd by a rush from the press?
+          Has your taste for the fine arte impell'd
+          You to visit a bull-bait or fight?
+          Or by rattles and charleys propell'd,
+          In a watch-house been lodged for the night?
+          In a morning at Bow-street made one
+          Of a group just to bother sage Birnie?
+          Stood the racket, got fined, cut and run,
+          Being fleeced by the watch and attorney?
+          Or say, have you dined in Guildhall
+          With the mayor and his corporate souls?
+          Or been squeezed at a grand civic ball,
+          With dealers in tallow and coals?
+          Mere nothings are these, though the range
+          Through all we have noticed you've been,
+          When compared to the famed Stock Exchange,
+          That riotous gambling scene.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[111]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     The unexpected Legacy&mdash;Bernard Blackmantle and Bob Transit
+     visit Capel Court&mdash;Characters in the Stocks&mdash;Bulls, Bears
+     and Bawds, Brokers, Jews and Jobbers&mdash;A new Acquaintance,
+     Peter Principal&mdash;His Account of the Market&mdash;The Royal
+     Exchange&mdash;Tricks upon Travellers&mdash;Slating a Stranger&mdash;The
+     Hebrew Star and his Satellites&mdash;Dividend Hunters and
+     Paragraph Writers&mdash;The New Bubble Companies&mdash;Project
+     Extraordinary&mdash;Prospectus in Rhyme of the Life, Death,
+     Burial, and Resurrection Company&mdash;Lingual Localisms of the
+     Stock Exchange explained&mdash;The Art and Mystery of Jobbing
+     exposed&mdash;Anecdotes of the House and its Members&mdash;Flying a
+     Tile&mdash;Billy Wright's Brown Pony&mdash;Selling a Twister&mdash;A Peep
+     into Botany Bay&mdash;Flats and Flat-catchers&mdash;The Rotunda and
+     the Transfer Men&mdash;How to work the Telegraph&mdash;Create a Rise&mdash;
+     Put on the Pot&mdash;Bang down the Market&mdash;And waddle out a Lame
+     Duck.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      A bequest of five hundred pounds by codicil from a rich old aunt had most
+      unexpectedly fallen to my friend Transit, who, quite unprepared for such
+      an overwhelming increase of good fortune, was pondering on the best means
+      of applying this sudden acquisition of capital, when I accidentally paid
+      him a visit in Half-moon Street. "Give me joy, Bernard," said Bob; "here's
+      a windfall;" thrusting the official notice into my hand; "five hundred
+      pounds from an old female miser, who during her lifetime was never known
+      to dispense five farthings for any generous or charitable purpose; but
+      being about to <i>slip her wind</i> and make a <i>wind-up</i> of her
+      accounts, was kind enough to remember at parting that she had a poor
+      relation, an <span class="pagenum">[112]</span>artist, to whom such a sum
+      might prove serviceable, so just hooked me on to the tail end of her
+      testamentary document and booked me this legacy, before she booked herself
+      inside for the other world. And now, my dear Bernard," continued Bob, "you
+      are a man of the world, one who knows
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'What's what, and that's as high
+          As metaphysic wit can fly.'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      I am puzzled, actually bewildered what to do with this accumulation of
+      wealth: only consider an eccentric artist with five hundred pounds in his
+      pocket; why it must prove his death-warrant, unless immediate measures are
+      taken to free him from its magical influence. Shall I embark it in some of
+      the new speculations? the Milk company, or the Water company, the Flesh,
+      Fish, or Fowl companies, railways or tunnel-ways, or in short, only put me
+      in the right way, for, at present, I am mightily abroad in that respect."
+      "Then my advice is, that you keep your money at home, or in other words,
+      fund it; unless you wish to be made fun of and laughed at for a milksop,
+      or a bubble merchant, or be taken for one of the Gudgeon family, or a
+      chicken butcher, a member of the Poultry company, where fowl dealing is
+      considered all fair; or become a liveryman of the worshipful company of
+      minors (i.e. miners), where you may be fleeced à la Hayne, by legs,
+      lawyers, bankers and brokers, demireps and contractors'; or, perhaps, you
+      <span class="pagenum">[113]</span>will feel disposed to embark in a new
+      company, of which I have just strung together a prospectus in rhyme: a
+      speculation which has, at least, much of novelty in this country to
+      recommend it, and equally interests all orders of society.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 It is not surprising, we see, that lawyers, bankers, and
+     brokers are found at the bottom of most of the new schemes.
+     Their profits are certain, whatever the fate of the Gudgeon
+     family. The brokers, in particular, have a fine harvest of
+     it. Their charges being upon the full nominal amount of the
+     shares sold, they get twice as much by transferring a single
+     100L. share in a speculation, although only 1L. may have
+     been paid on it, as by the purchase or sale of 100L.
+     consols, of which the price is 94L. Or, to make the matter
+     plainer to the uninitiated, suppose an individual wishes to
+     lay out 500L. in the stock-market. If he orders his broker
+     to purchase into the British funds, the latter will buy him
+     about  535L.  three per   cent,   consols; and the
+     brokerage, at one-eighth per cent, will be about 13s.    But
+     if the same person desires to invest the same sum in the
+     stock of a new Mine or Rail-road company, which is divided
+     into 100L. shares, on each of which say 1L. is paid, and
+     there is a premium of 1L. (as is the case at this moment
+     with a stock we have in our eye) his broker's account will
+     then stand thus:&mdash;
+
+     Bought 250 shares in the &mdash;&mdash; Company.
+
+     First instalment of 1L. paid                      £250   0   0
+
+     Premium L. per share                               250   0   0
+
+                                         500   0   0
+
+     Brokerage £ per cent, on 25,000L. stock             62  10   0
+
+                                         562  10   0
+
+     Which will leave Mr. Adventurer to pay 62L.  10s. to his
+     broker, and to pay 99L. more on each of his 250 shares, when
+     the&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;company "call" for it!
+
+     Or, let us reverso the case, and suppose our speculator,
+     having been an original subscriber for 100 shares in the
+     &mdash;&mdash; company, and having consequently obtained them for
+     nothing, wishes to sell, finding them at a premium of 6s.
+     per share, and either fearing they may go lower, or not
+     being able to pay even the first instalment called for by
+     the directors. If he is an humble tradesman, he is perhaps
+     eager to realise a profit obtained without labour, and hugs
+     him-self at the idea of the hundred crowns and the hundred
+     shillings he shall put into his pocket by this pleasant
+     process. Away he posts to Cornhill, searches out a broker,
+     into whose hands he puts the letter entitling him to the 100
+     shares, with directions to sell at the current premium. The
+     broker takes a turn round 'Change, finds a customer, and the
+     whole affair is settled in a twinkling, by an entry or two
+     in the broker's memorandum-book, and the drawing of a couple
+     of cheques. Our fortunate speculator, who is anxiously
+     waiting at Batson's the return of his man of business, and
+     spending perhaps 3s. 6d. in bad negus and tough sandwiches,
+     on the strength of his good luck, is then presented with a
+     draft on a banker for 5L. neatly folded up in a small slip
+     of foolscap, containing the following satisfactory
+     particulars:&mdash;
+
+     Sold 100 shares in the&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;company&mdash;nothing paid&mdash;prem. 6s. £30
+
+     Brokerage, 1/4 per cent, on 10,000L. stock           25
+
+     By cheque                                             5
+
+     He stares wildly at this document, utterly speechless, for
+     five minutes, during which the broker, after saying he shall
+     be happy to "do" for him another time, throws a card on the
+     table, and exit. The lucky speculator wanders into 'Change
+     with the account in his hand, and appeals to several Jews to
+     know whether he has not been cheated: some abuse him for the
+     insinuation against so "respectable" a man as Mr.&mdash;&mdash;- the
+     broker; others laugh in his face; and all together hustle
+     him into the street. He goes home richer by 4L.. 16s. 6d.
+     than when he went out, and finds that a wealthy customer,
+     having called three times in his absence to give him a
+     particular order, had just left the shop in a rage, swearing
+     he would no longer encourage so inattentive a tradesman.&mdash;
+     <i>Examiner</i>.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Clink2H_4_0013" id="Clink2H_4_0013">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE LIFE, DEATH, BURIAL, AND RESURRECTION COMPANY.
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      CAPITAL.&mdash;ONE HUNDRED MILLIONS SHARES.&mdash;ONE POUND.
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[115]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          In this age of projectors, when bubbles are spread
+          With illusive attractions to bother each head,
+          When bulls, bears, jews, and jobbers all quit Capelcourt
+          To become speculators and join in the sport,
+          Who can wonder, when interest with intellect clashes,
+          We should have a new club to dispose of our ashes;
+          To rob death of its terrors, and make it delightful
+          To give up your breath, and abolish the frightful
+          Old custom of lying defunct in your shroud,
+          Surrounded by relatives sobbing aloud?
+          We've a scheme that shall mingle the "grave with the gay,"
+          And make it quite pleasant to die, when you may.
+          First, then, we propose with the graces of art,
+          Like our Parisian friends, to make ev'ry tomb smart;
+          And, by changing the feelings of funeral terrors,
+          Remove what remain'd of old Catholic errors.
+          Our plan is to blend in the picturesque style
+          Smirke, Soane, Nash, and Wyatville all in one pile.
+          So novel, agreeable, and grateful our scheme,
+          That death will appear like a sweet summer's dream;
+          And the horrid idea of a gloomy, cold cell,
+          Will vanish like vapours of mist from a dell.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[116]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Thus changed, who'll object a kind friend to inhume,
+          When his sepulchre's made like a gay drawing-room 1
+          A diversified, soothing commixture of trees,
+          Umbrageous and fann'd by the perfumed breeze;
+          With alcoves, and bowers, and fish-ponds, and shrubs,
+          Select, as in life, from intrusion of scrubs;
+          While o'er your last relics the violet-turf press
+          Must a flattering promise afford of success.
+          "Lie light on him, earth," sung a poet of old;
+          Our earth shall be sifted, and never grow cold;
+          No  rude  weight on  your chest&mdash;how   like  ye   our scheme {1}
+          Where your grave  will   be warm'd by a process of steam,
+          Which will boil all the worms and the grubs in their holes,
+          And preserve from decay ev'ry part but your souls.
+          Our cemetery, centred in fancy's domain,
+          Shall by a state edict eternal remain
+          To all parties open, the living or dead;
+          Or christian, or atheist, here rest their head,
+          In a picturesque garden, and deep shady grove,
+          Where young love smiles, and fashion delighteth to rove.
+          To render the visitors' comforts complete,
+          And afford the grieved mourners a proper retreat,
+          The directors intend to erect an hotel,
+          Where a <i>table d'hôte</i> will be furnished well;
+          Not with the "cold meats of a funeral feast,"
+          But a banquet that's worthy a nabob at least;
+          Of <i>lachryma christi</i>, and fine <i>vin de grave</i>,
+          And cordial compounds, a choice you may have.
+          Twice a week 'tis proposed to illumine the scene,
+          And to waltz and quadrille on the velvety green;
+          While Colinet's band and the Opera Corps
+          Play and dance with a spirit that's quite <i>con amore</i>,
+          A committee of taste will superintend
+          The designs and inscriptions to each latter end.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[117]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Take notice, no cross-bones or skulls are allowed,
+          Or naked young cherubims riding a cloud;
+          In short, no allusions that savour of death,
+          Nor aught that reminds of a friend's parting breath.
+          The inscriptions and epitaphs, elegies too,
+          Must all be poetical, lively, and new;
+          Such as never were heard of, or seen heretofore,
+          To be written by Proctor, Sam. Rogers, or Moore.
+          In lieu of a sermon, glee-singers attend,
+          Who will chant, like the cherubims, praise without end.
+          Three decent old women, to enliven the hours,
+          Attend with gay garlands and sacred flowers,
+          The emblems of grief&mdash;artificial, 'tis true,
+          But very like nature in a general view.
+          Lord Graves will preside, and vice-president Coffin
+          Will pilot the public into the offing.
+          The College of Surgeons and Humane Society
+          Have promised to send a delightful variety.
+          The Visitors all are physicians of fame;
+          And success we may, therefore, dead certainty name.
+          To the delicate nervous, who'd wish a snug spot,
+          A romantic temple, or moss-cover'd grot,
+          Let them haste to John Ebers, and look at the plan;
+          Where the grave-book lies open, its merits to scan.
+          Gloves, hatbands, and essence of onions for crying,
+          White 'kerchiefs and snuff, and a cordial worth trying,
+          The attendants   have   ready;   and more&mdash;as   time presses,
+          No objection to bury you in fancy dresses.
+          Our last proposition may frighten you much;
+          We propose to reanimate all by a touch,
+          By magic revive, if a century old,
+          The bones of a father, a friend, or a scold.
+          In short, we intend, for all&mdash;but a wife,
+          To bring whom you please in a moment to life;
+          That is, if the shares in our company rise,&mdash;
+          If not 'tis a bubble, like others, of lies.
+
+          &mdash;Bernard Blackmantle.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[118]</span>The recitation of this original <i>jeu
+      d'esprit</i> had, I found, the salutary effect of clearing my friend
+      Transit's vision in respect to the <i>speculation mania</i>; and being by
+      this time fully accoutred and furnished with the possibles, we sallied
+      forth to make a purchase in the public funds. There is something to be
+      gleaned from every event in this life, particularly by the eccentric who
+      is in search of characteristic matter. I had recently been introduced to a
+      worthy but singular personage in the city, Mr. Peter Principal, stock
+      broker, of the firm of Hazard and Co.&mdash;a man whose probity was never
+      yet called in question, and who, having realized a large property by the
+      most honourable means, was continually selected as broker, trustee, and
+      executor by all his acquaintance. To him, therefore, I introduced my
+      friend Bob, who being instantly relieved from all his weighty troubles,
+      and receiving in return the bank receipts, we proceeded to explore the
+      regions of Pluto (i.e. the money market), attended by Peter Principal as
+      our guide and instructor. On our entrance into Capel Court we were
+      assailed by a motley group of Jews and Gentiles, inhabitants of Lower
+      Tartary (i.e. Botany Bay{2}), who, suspecting we came there on business,
+      addressed us in a jargon that was completely unintelligible either to
+      Transit or myself. One fellow inquired if I was a bull,{3} and his
+      companion wished to know if Transit was a bear{4}; another eagerly offered
+      to give us <i>five eighths</i>, or sell us, at the same price, for the
+      account'{5}; while a fourth thrust his
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     2 A place so named, without the Stock Exchange, where the
+     lame ducks and fallen angels of Upper Tartary assemble when
+     expelled the house, to catch a hint how the puff's and bangs
+     succeed in the private gambling market; when if they can
+     saddle their neighbour before he is up to the variation, it
+     is thought good jobbing.
+
+     3  Persons that purchase with a view for a rise in the
+     funds.
+
+     4  One who sells with a view to a fall in the price of stock.
+
+     5 A certain future day, fixed upon by the Committee of the
+     Stock Exchange, for the settlement of <i>time bargains</i>&mdash;they
+     are usually appointed at an interval of six weeks, and the
+     price of stocks on this given day determines the
+     speculator's gain or loss.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[119]</span>copper countenance into my face, and
+      offered to do business with me at a fiddle.{6} "Tush, tush," said Peter
+      Principal to the increasing multitude which now barred our passage, "we
+      are only come to take a look, and watch the operation of the market." "<i>Dividend
+      hunters</i>{7} I suppose," said a knowing looking fellow, sarcastically,
+      "ear wigging{8}&mdash;Hey, Mr. Principal, something good for the pull
+      out{9}? Well, if the gentlemen wish to put on the pot, although it be for
+      a pony,{10} I'm their man, only a little rasping,{11} you know." To this
+      eloquent appeal succeeded a similar application from a son of Israel, who
+      offered to accommodate us in any way we wished, either for the <i>call</i>{l2}
+      or <i>put</i>{13}; to which friendly offer little Principal put his direct
+      negative, and, after innumerable
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     6 When a broker has got money transactions of any conse-
+     sequence, as there is no risk in these cases, he will fiddle
+     one finger across the other, signifying by this that the
+     jobber must give up half the turn of the market price to
+     him, which he pockets besides his commission.
+
+     7 Those who suppose by changing stock they get double
+     interest, by receiving four dividends in one year instead of
+     two; but in this they are deceived, as the jobber, when he
+     changes stock, gains the advantage; for instance, if he buys
+     consols at sixty, when he sells out there will be deducted
+     one and a half per cent. for the dividend.
+
+     8 When bargains are done privately by a whisper, to conceal
+     the party's being a bull.
+
+     9 Buying or selling for ready money.
+
+     10 Pony, 25,000L.
+
+     11 Giving greater turns to the jobbers than those regulated
+     in the market.
+
+     12  <i>Call</i>. Buying to call more at one-eighth or one-fourth
+     above the price on a certain day, if the buyer chooses, and
+     the price is in his favour.
+
+     13  <i>Put</i>. Selling to put more to it on a certain day, at
+     one-eighth or one-fourth under the market price.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[120]</span>attacks of this sort, we reached the
+      upper end of the court, and found ourselves upon the steps which lead to
+      the regions of Upper Tartary, (i.e.) the Stock Exchange. At this moment
+      our friend Principal was summoned by his clerk to attend some antique
+      spinster, who, having scraped together another hundred, had hobbled down
+      to annex it to her previous amount of consols. "You must not attempt to
+      enter the room by yourselves," said Principal; "but accompany me back to
+      the Royal Exchange, where you can walk and wait until I have completed the
+      old lady's <i>job</i>." While Principal was gone to invest his customer's
+      stock, we amused ourselves with observing the strange variety of character
+      which every where presents itself among the groups of all nations who
+      congregate together in this arena of commerce. Perhaps a more fortunate
+      moment for such a purpose could not have occurred: the speculative
+      transactions of the times had drawn forth a certain portion of the Stock
+      Exchange, gamblers, or inhabitants of Upper Tartary, who, like experienced
+      sharpers of another description, never suffer a good thing to escape them.
+      Capel Court was partially abandoned for exchange bubbles,{14} and new
+      companies opened a new system of fraudulent enrichment for these sharks of
+      the money market.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     14 The speculative mania, which at this time raged with un-
+     precedented violence among a large portion of his Majesty's
+     liege subjects, gave the "John Bull" a glorious opportunity
+     for one of their witty satires, in which the poet has very
+     humorously described the
+
+     BUBBLES OF 1825.
+
+     Tune&mdash;"Run, neighbours, run."
+
+     Run, neighbours, run, you're just in time to get a share
+     In all the famous projects that amuse John Bull;
+     Run, take a peep on 'Change, for anxious crowds beset us there,
+     Each trying which can make himself the greatest gull.
+     No sooner are they puff'd, than a universal wish there is
+     For shares in mines, insurances in foreign loans and fisheries.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[121]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     No matter where the project lies, so violent the mania,
+     In Africa, New Providence, Peru, or Pennsylvania!
+     Run, neighbours, run, you're just in time to get a share
+     In all the famous bubbles that amuse John Bull.
+     Few folks for news very anxious at this crisis are,
+     For marriages, and deaths, and births, no thirst exists;
+     All take the papers in, to find out what the prices are
+     Of shares in this or that, upon the broker's lists.
+     The doctor leaves his patient&mdash;the pedagogue his Lexicon,
+     For mines of Real Monte, or for those of Anglo-Mexican:
+     E'en Chili bonds don't cool the rage, nor those still more romantic, sir,
+     For new canals to join the seas, Pacific and Atlantic, sir.
+     Run, neighbours, run, you're just in time to get a share
+     In all the famous bubbles that amuse John Bull.
+     At home we have projects too for draining surplus capital,
+     And honest Master Johnny of his cash to chouse;
+     Though t'other day, Judge Abbott gave a rather sharpish slap at all.
+     And Eldon launched his thunder from the upper House.
+     Investment banks to lend a lift to people who are undone&mdash;
+     Proposals for Assurance&mdash;there's no end of that, in London;
+     And one amongst the number, who in Parliament now press their Bills,
+     For lending cash at eight per cent, on coats and inexpressibles.
+     Run, neighbours, run, you're just in time to get a share
+     In all the famous bubbles that amuse John Bull.
+     No more with her bright pails the milkman's rosy  daughter works,
+     A company must serve you now with milk and cream;
+     Perhaps they've some connexion with the advertising water-works,
+     That promise to supply you from the limpid stream.
+     Another body corporate would fain some pence and shillings get,
+     By selling fish at Hungerford, and knocking up old Billingsgate:
+     Another takes your linen, when it's dirty, to the suds, sir,
+     And brings it home in carriages with four nice bits of blood, sir.
+     Run, neighbours, run, you're just in time to get a share
+     In all the famous bubbles that amuse John Bull.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[122]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     When Greenwich coaches go by steam on roads of iron railing, sir,
+     How pleasant it will be to see a dozen in a line;
+     And ships of heavy burden over hills and valleys sailing, sir,
+     Shall cross from Bristol's Channel to the Tweed or Tyne.
+     And Dame Speculation, if she ever fully hath her ends,
+     Will  give us docks at Bermondsey, St. Saviour's, and St. Catherine's;
+     While side long bridges over mud shall fill the folks with wonder, sir,
+     And lamp-light tunnels all day long convey the Cocknies under, sir.
+     Run, neighbours, run, you're just in time to get a share
+     In all the famous bubbles that amuse John Bull.
+     A tunnel underneath the sea, from Calais straight to Dover, sir,
+     That qualmish folks may cross by land from shore to shore,
+     With sluices made to drown the French, if e'er they would come over, sir,
+     Has long been talk'd of, till at length 'tis thought a monstrous bore.
+     Amongst the many scheming folks, I take it he's no ninny, sir,
+     Who bargains with the Ashantees to fish the coast of Guinea, sir;
+     For, secretly, 'tis known, that another brilliant view he has,
+     Of lighting up the famous town of Timbuctoo with oil gas.
+     Run, neighbours, run, you're just in time to get a share
+     In all the famous bubbles that amuse John Bull.
+     Then a company is form'd, though not yet advertising,
+     To build, upon a splendid scale, a large balloon,
+     And send up tools and broken stones for fresh Mac-Adamizing
+     The new discover'd turnpike roads which cross the moon.
+     But the most inviting scheme of all is one proposed for carrying
+     Large furnaces to melt the ice which hems poor Captain Parry in;
+     They'll then have steam boats twice a week to all the newly-seen land,
+     And call for goods and passengers at Labrador and Greenland!
+     Run, neighbours, run, you're just in time to get a share
+     In all the famous bubbles that amuse John Bull,
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[123]</span>High 'Change was a subject full of the
+      richest materials for my friend Bob, who, without knowing more of the
+      characters than their exterior appearances of eccentricity and costume
+      exhibited, proceeded to <i>book</i>, as he termed it, the leading
+      features. Every now and then there was a rush to different parts of the
+      arena, and an appearance of great anxiety among the crowd to catch the
+      attention of a person who flourished a large parchment above their heads
+      with all the pride and importance of a field marshal's baton. This was, I
+      found, no other than the leading agent of some newly projected company,
+      who took this method of <i>indulging</i> the subscribers with shares, or
+      letting the fortunate applicants know how many of these speculative
+      chances the committee had allowed them to possess. The return of little
+      Principal afforded me a key to the surrounding group, without which their
+      peculiar merits would have been lost to the world, or have remained
+      individually unknown, like the profit of many of the modern speculations.
+      "You must not suppose," said Principal, "that great talents make great
+      wealth here, or that honourable conduct and generous feelings command
+      respect&mdash;no such thing; men are estimated upon 'Change in proportion
+      to the supposed amount of their property, and rise or fall in the worldly
+      opinion of their associates as prosperity or adversity operates upon the
+      barometer of their fortunate speculations; a lucky hit will cause a dolt
+      to be pointed out as a clever fellow, when, the next turn of the market
+      proving unsuccessful, he is despised and insulted: so much are the
+      frequenters of 'Change influenced by the most sordid and mercenary
+      feelings, that almost all of them are the willing dupes of riches and good
+      fortune. However, as you are strangers here, gentlemen, I will introduce
+      you, <i>entre nous</i>, to a few of the characters who thrive by the
+      destruction of thousands of their fellow-creatures. The bashaw in black
+      yonder, who rests his elephantic trunk against a pillar of the Exchange,
+      with his hands thrust into his breeches pockets, is the Hebrew star&mdash;the
+      Jewish luminary, a very Shiloh among the peoples of his own persuasion,
+      and, I am sorry to say, much too potent <span class="pagenum">[124]</span>with
+      the orthodox ministers of George the Fourth. The fellow's insolence is
+      intolerable, and his vulgarity and ignorance quite unbearable. He
+      commenced his career in Manchester by vending trinkets and spectacle-cases
+      in the streets of that town, from which station he gradually rose to the
+      important occupation of a dealer in <i>fag ends</i>, from which he
+      ascended to the dignity of a bill-broker, when, having the command of
+      money, and some wealthy Hebrew relatives conveniently distributed over the
+      Continent for the transaction of business, he took up his abode in London,
+      and towards the termination of the late war, when a terrible smash took
+      place among some of his tribe, he found means to obtain their confidence,
+      and having secured, by the aid of spies, the earliest foreign
+      intelligence, he rapidly made a colossal fortune in the British funds,
+      without much risk to himself. It is said he can scarcely write his own
+      name, and it only requires a minute's conversation to inform you of the
+      general ignorance of his mind; in short, he is one of Hazlitt's men, with
+      only one idea, but that one entirely directed to the accumulation of gold.
+      A few years since some of the more respectable members of the Stock
+      Exchange, perceiving the thraldom in which the public funds of the country
+      were held by the tricks and manouvres of the Jew party, determined to make
+      a stand against them: among these was a highly respected member of
+      parliament, a great sporting character, and a very worthy man. His losses
+      proved excessive, but they were promptly paid. In order to weaken his
+      credit, and, if possible, shake his confidence and insult his feelings,
+      the Jew took an opportunity, during High 'Change, of telling him, 'Dat he
+      had got his cote and vaistcote, and he should very soon have his shirt
+      into de bargain:' in this prophecy, however, Mr. Mordecai was mistaken;
+      for the market took a sudden turn, and the gentleman alluded to recovered
+      all his losses in a short time, to the great discomfiture <span
+      class="pagenum">[125]</span>of the high priest and the Jews. In private
+      life he is equally abrupt and vulgar, as the following anecdote will
+      prove, at his own table: A christian broker solicited some trifling
+      favour, observing, he had granted what he then requested to another member
+      of the house, who was his brother-in-law. 'Vary true, vary true,' said
+      Solomon Gruff, as he is sometimes called, 'but then you do not shleep vid
+      my shister, my boy; dat makes all de differance.' At present this fellow's
+      influence is paramount at most of the courts of Europe, at some of which
+      his family enjoy considerable honours; in short, he is the head of the
+      locust tribe, and the leader of that class of speculators whom a witty
+      writer has well described in the following lines, addressed to the
+      landholders:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'The National Debt may be esteemed a mass
+          Of filth which grows corrupter every day;
+          And in this heap, as always comes to pass,
+          Reptiles and vermin breed, exist, decay.
+          'Tis now so huge, that he must be an ass
+          Who thinks it ever can be clear'd away:
+          And the time's quickly coming, to be candid,
+          When funded men will swallow up the landed.
+          'Then will these debt-bred reptiles, hungry vermin,
+          Fed from the mass corrupt of which I spoke,
+          Usurp your place.    A Jew, a dirty German,
+          Who has grown rich by many a lucky stroke,
+          Shall rule the Minister, and all determined
+          To treat your bitter sufferings as a joke.
+          Said I, he shall!    It will be nothing new;
+          The Treasury now is govern'd by a Jew.'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Cimage-0021" id="Cimage-0021">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page125.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page125th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page125" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The tall dandy-looking youth standing near the great man is a scion of the
+      former head of the Hebrew family: his father possessed very superior
+      talents, but was too much attached to splendid society to die rich; his
+      banquets were often graced by royalty, and his liberality and honourable
+      conduct proverbial, until misfortune produced a catastrophe that will not
+      bear <span class="pagenum">[126]</span>repeating. The very name of the
+      sire causes a feeling of dislike in the breast of the Colossus, and
+      consequently the son is no partaker in the good things which the great man
+      has to dispose of. The three tall Jews standing together are brothers, and
+      all members of the Stock Exchange; their affinity to the high priest, more
+      than their own talents, renders their fortunes promising. Observe the
+      pale-faced genteel-looking man.on the right hand side of the arena&mdash;that
+      is Major G&mdash;s, an unsuccessful speculator in the funds, but a highly
+      honourable officer, who threw away the proceeds of his campaigns in the
+      Peninsula among the sharks of the Stock Exchange and the lesser gamblers
+      of St. James's: he has lately given to the world a sketch of his own life,
+      under the assumed name of 'Ned Clinton, or the Commissary,' in which he
+      has faithfully narrated scenes and characters. The little, jolly,
+      fresh-coloured gentleman near him is Tommy B&mdash;h, a great speculator
+      in the funds, a lottery contractor, and wine merchant, and quite at home
+      in the tea trade. The immense fat gent behind him is called the dinner man
+      and M. C. of Vaux hall, of which place Tommy B&mdash;h holds a principal
+      share; his office is to write lyrics for the lottery, and gunpowder puffs
+      for the Genuine Tea Company, paragraphs for Vauxhall, and spirited
+      compositions in praise of spiritless wines: amid all these occupations it
+      is no wonder, considering his bulk, that he invariably falls asleep before
+      the dinner cloth is removed, and snores most mellifluously between each
+      round of the bottle. The sharp-visaged personage to the left of him is the
+      well known Count Bounce&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-"&mdash;"Excuse me,
+      Mr. Principal," said I, "but I happen to know that worthy well myself;
+      that is, I believe, Sam Dixon, the <i>coper</i> of Barbican, a jobber in
+      the funds, it would appear, as well as in horses, coaches, and chaises: of
+      the last named article I have had a pretty good specimen from his emporium
+      myself, <span class="pagenum">[127]</span>which, I must ever remember, was
+      at the risk of my life.&mdash;"Do you observe that stout-looking gentleman
+      yonder with large red whiskers, in a drab surtout, like a stage coachman?
+      that is the Marquis of H&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-, one of the
+      most fortunate gamblers (i.e. speculators) of the present day: during the
+      war his lordship acquired considerable sums of money by acting on his
+      priority of political information, his policy being to make one of the
+      party in power, without holding office, and by this means be at liberty to
+      act in the money market as circumstances required: among the <i>roués</i>
+      of the west he has not been less successful in games of chance, until his
+      coffers are crammed with riches; but it must be admitted he is liberal in
+      his expenditure, and often-times generous to applicants, particularly
+      sporting men, who seek his favours and assistance. The little club of sage
+      personages who are mustered together comparing notes, in the corner of the
+      Dutch Walk, are the paragraph-writers for the morning and evening press;
+      very potent personages here, I assure you, for without their kind
+      operation the public could never be gulled to any great extent. The most
+      efficient of the group is the elegant-looking tall man who has just moved
+      off to consult his patron, the Hebrew star, who gives all his foreign
+      information exclusively to the Leviathan of the press, of which paper Mr.
+      A&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-r is the representative. Next to him
+      in importance, information, and talent, is the reporter for the Globe and
+      Traveller, G&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;s M&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;e,
+      a shrewd clever fellow, with considerable tact for business. Mr. F&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;y,
+      of the Courier, stands near him on his left; and if he does but little
+      with the stocks, he does that little well. The sandy-haired laddie with
+      the high cheek bones and hawk-like countenance is M'C&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-h,
+      of the Chronicle, but a wee bit of a <i>wastrell</i> in Stock Exchange
+      affairs; and the mild-looking young gentleman who is in <span
+      class="pagenum">[128]</span>conversation with him represents the mighty
+      little man of the Morning Herald. The rest of the public prints are mostly
+      supplied with Stock Exchange information by a bandy-legged Jew, a very
+      Solomon in funded wisdom, who pens paragraphs at a penny a line for the
+      papers, and puts into them whatever the projectors dictate, in the shape
+      of a puff, at per agreement. The knot of swarthy-looking athletic fellows,
+      many of whom are finger-linked together, and wear rings in their ears, are
+      American captains, and traders from the shores of the Atlantic. That
+      jolly-looking ruby-faced old gentleman in black, who is laughing at the
+      puritanical tale of his lank brother, Alderman Shaw, is the celebrated
+      grand city admiral, Sir W. Curtis, a genuine John Bull, considered worth a
+      <i>plum</i> at least, and the author of a million of good jokes. Observe
+      that quiet-looking pale-faced gentleman now crossing the arena: from the
+      smartness of his figure and the agility with which he bustles among the
+      crowd, you would suppose him an active young man of about five-and-twenty,
+      while, in fact, about sixty summers have rolled over his head; such are
+      the good effects of temperance, system, and attention to diet. Here he is
+      known by the designation of Mr. Evergreen; a name, perhaps, affixed to him
+      with a double meaning, combining in view the freshness of his age and his
+      known attachment to theatricals, of which pursuits, as a recreation, he is
+      devotedly fond. As a broker, lottery contractor, and a man of business,
+      Mr. D&mdash;&mdash;-1 stands No. One for promptitude, probity, and the
+      strictest sense of honour; wealthy without pride, and learned without
+      affectation, his company is eagerly sought for by a large circle of the
+      literati of the day, with whom, from his anecdotal powers, he is in high
+      repute: on stage affairs he is a living 'Biographia Dramatica,' and
+      Charles Mathews, it is said, owes much of his present celebrity to the
+      early advice and persevering friendship of this worthy man. The pair <span
+      class="pagenum">[120]</span>of tall good-looking gentlemen on the French
+      Walk are Messrs. J. and H&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;S***h, merchants in the
+      city, and authors at the west end of the town: here they have recently
+      been designated by the title of their last whimsical production, and now
+      figure as Messrs. Gaiety and Gravity, cognomens by no means inapplicable
+      to the temper, feeling, and talent of the witty brothers. But come," said
+      Principal, "the 'Change is now becoming too full to particularize, and as
+      this is <i>settling</i> day at the Stock Exchange, suppose we just walk
+      across to the Alley, take a look at the market, and see how the <i>account</i>
+      stands."&mdash;In passing down Saint Bartholomew Lane, accident threw in
+      our way the respected chief magistrate of the city, John Garrett, Esq. of
+      whose sire little Principal favoured us with some entertaining anecdotes.&mdash;"Old
+      Francis Garrett, who began business in the tea trade without cash, but
+      with great perseverance and good credit, <i>cut up</i> at his death for
+      near four hundred thousand pounds, and left his name in the firm to be
+      retained for seven years after his decease, when his posthumous share of
+      the profits was to be divided among his grand-children. As he generally
+      travelled for orders himself, he was proverbial for despatch; and has been
+      known to call a customer up in the morning at four o'clock to settle his
+      account, or disturb his repose in the night, if old Francis was determined
+      to make a lamp of the moon, and pursue his route. A very humorous story is
+      related of him. Arriving at Benson, near Henley, on a Sunday morning, just
+      as his customer, a Mr. Newberry, had proceeded to Church, old Francis was
+      very importunate to prevail upon the servant-maid to call him out, in
+      order that he might proceed to Oxford that night: after much persuasion
+      she was induced to accompany him to the church, to point out the pew where
+      her master sat. At their entrance the eccentric figure of the tea-broker
+      caused a general movement of recognition among the congregation; but
+      Francis, <span class="pagenum">[130]</span>nothing abashed, was proceeding
+      up the aisle with his cash instead of prayer-book in his hand, when his
+      attention was arrested by the clergyman's text, 'Paul we know, and Silas
+      we know, but who art thou?' The singular coincidence of the words, added
+      to the authoritative style of the pastor, quite staggered Francis Garrett,
+      who, however, quickly recovering, made a low bow, and then, in a true
+      business-like style, proceeded to, apologize to the reverend and
+      congregation for this seeming want of respect, adding he was only old
+      Francis Garrett, of Thames-street, the tea broker, whom every body knew,
+      come to settle a small account with his friend Mr. Newberry. The
+      eccentricity of the man was notorious, and this, perhaps, better than the
+      apology, induced the clergyman to overlook the offence; but the story will
+      long be remembered by the good people of Benson, and never fail to create
+      a laugh in the commercial room among the merry society of gentlemen
+      travellers. The son, who has deservedly risen to the highest civic
+      honours, is a worthy and highly honourable man, whose conduct since he has
+      been elected lord mayor reflects great credit upon his fellow citizens'
+      choice."&mdash;We had now mounted the steps which lead to the Stock
+      Exchange, or, as Principal, who, though one among them, may be said not to
+      be one of them, observed, we had arrived at the <i>wolves' den</i>, "the
+      secret arcana of which place, with its curious intricacies and perplexing
+      paradoxical systems and principles, I shall now," continued our friend,
+      "endeavour to explain; from which exposition the public will be able to
+      see the monster that is feeding on the vitals of the country, while
+      smiling in its face and tearing at its heart, yet cherished by it, as the
+      Lacedemonian boy cherished the wolf that devoured him. I am an enemy to
+      all monopolies," said Principal, "and this is one of the worst the country
+      is infested with. "A private or exclusive market, that is, a market <span
+      class="pagenum">[131]</span>into which the public have not the liberty or
+      privilege of either going to make, or to see made, bargains in their own
+      persons, is one where the most sinister arts are likely to prevail. The
+      Stock Exchange is of this description, and accordingly is one where the
+      public are continually gulled out of their money by a system of the most
+      artful and complicated traffic&mdash;a traffic calculated to raise the
+      hopes of novices, to puzzle the wits of out-door speculators, and sure to
+      have the effect of diminishing the property of those who are not members
+      of the fraternity.{15}
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "One of the principles of the Stock Exchange is, that the public assist
+      against themselves, which is not the less true than paradoxical. It is
+      contrary to the generally-received opinion that stocks should either be
+      greatly elevated or depressed, without some apparent cause: it is contrary
+      to natural inference that they should rise,&mdash;not from the public
+      sending in to purchase, or to buy or sell, which however frequently
+      happens. It follows, therefore, that the former is occasioned by the arts
+      of the interested stock-jobbers, and the latter by out-door speculators,
+      who have the market price <i>banged down</i> upon them by those whose
+      business and interest it is to fleece them all they can. In the language
+      of the Stock Exchange, you must be either a <i>bull or a bear,</i> a <i>buyer
+      or a seller</i>: now as it is not necessary you should have one shilling
+      of property in the funds to embark in this speculation, but may just as
+      well sell a hundred thousand pounds of stock as one pound, according to
+      the practice of time bargains, which is wagering contrary to law&mdash;so
+      neither party can be compelled to complete their agreement, or to pay
+      whatever the difference of the amount may be upon the stock when the
+      account closes: all transactions
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     15 The mode of exchanging stock in France is in public. A
+     broker stands in the situation of an auctioneer, and offers
+     it to the best bidder.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[132]</span>are, therefore, upon honour; and whoever
+      declines to pay his loss is posted upon a black board, declared a
+      defaulter, shut out of the association, and called by the community a <i>lame
+      duck</i>.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "It is not a little extraordinary, while the legislature and the judges
+      are straining every nerve to suppress low gambling and punish its
+      professors, they are the passive observers of a system pregnant with ten
+      times more mischief in its consequences upon society, and infinitely more
+      vicious, fraudulent, and base than any game practised in the hells
+      westward of Temple Bar; but we are too much in the practice of gaping at a
+      gnat and swallowing a camel, or the great subscription-houses, such as
+      White's, Brooke's, and Boodle's, would not have so long remained
+      uninterrupted in this particular, while the small fry that surround them,
+      and which are, by comparison, harmless, are persecuted with the greatest
+      severity. As there is a natural disposition in the human mind for
+      gambling, and as it is visible to all the world that many men (cobblers,
+      carpenters, and other labourers), by becoming stock-jobbers, are suddenly
+      raised from fortunes of a few pounds to hundreds of thousands, therefore
+      every falling shop-keeper or merchant flies to this disinterested seminary
+      with the same hope: but the jobbers, perceiving their transactions
+      interrupted by these persons intruding, in order to keep them at a
+      distance, formed themselves into a body, and established a market composed
+      of themselves, excluding every person not regularly known to the
+      craft.{16} As the brokers found difficulty always to meet with people that
+      would accommodate them either to buy or sell without waiting in the
+      regular
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     16 An article in their by-laws expresses, that no new member
+     shall be admitted who follows any other trade or business,
+     or in any wise is subject to the bankrupt laws: at the same
+     time it is curious to observe, that most of them are either
+     <i>soi-disant</i> merchants or shopkeepers.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[133]</span>market in the Bank, to save themselves
+      time they got accommodated among these gamblers in buying or selling as
+      they wished; at the same time they gave the jobber one-eighth per cent,
+      for such accommodation. As the loss was nothing to the broker, of course
+      this imposition was looked over, because it saved his own time, and did
+      not diminish his own commission.{17} It is clear, therefore, that the
+      Stock Exchange is a self-constituted body, without any charter, but merely
+      established at the will of the members, to the support of which a
+      subscription is paid by each individual. They are ruled by by-laws, and
+      judged by a committee, chosen from among themselves. This committee, as
+      well as the members, are regularly re-balloted once in every year; of
+      course no person is admitted within the walls of this house who does not
+      regularly pay his subscription.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "In this way has the Stock Market been established and forced from its
+      original situation by a set of jobbers and brokers, who are all, it will
+      be seen, interested in keeping their transactions from the eye of the
+      public. These men being always ready either to buy or sell, renders it
+      easy for the brokers to get their business done, having no trouble but
+      merely stepping into the Stock Exchange. If a broker wants to buy 5000L.
+      stock, or any other sum, for a principal, the jobber will readily sell it,
+      although perhaps possessing no part of it himself at the time, but will
+      take his chance of other brokers coming to put him in possession of it,
+      and may have to purchase the amount in two or three different
+      transactions,{18} but in doing that he will take care to call the price
+      lower than he sold at.{19}
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     17 If the system of the private market had tended to lessen
+     the broker's commission, he would have gone or stood any
+     where else to transact business for his principals.
+
+     18 This at present only applies to young beginners, but old
+     jobbers, who have enjoyed the system long enough, have been
+     put in pos-session of large fortunes, and are now enabled to
+     buy into or sell out of their own names to the amount of
+     hundreds of thousands.
+
+     19  Should other brokers not come into the market to sell to
+     him, he is then obliged, at a certain hour of the day, to go
+     among his brethren to get it at the most suitable price
+     possible. This is sometimes the cause of a momentary rise,
+     and what is known by the jobbers turning out bears for the
+     day. A depression some-times takes place on the same
+     principle when they are bulls for a future day, and cannot
+     take stock.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[134]</span>After the stock is transferred from the
+      seller to the buyer, instead of the money, he will write you a draft on
+      his banker, although he has no effects to discharge the same till such
+      time as he is put in possession of it also by the broker whom he sold it
+      to; and it sometimes occurs, such drafts having to pass through the
+      clearing-house,{20} the principal is not certain whether his money, is
+      safe till the day following. In this way does the floating stock pass and
+      repass through the Stock Exchange to and from the public, each jobber
+      seizing and laying his hand on as much as he can, besides the eighth per
+      cent. certain, which the established rule gives in their favour: the price
+      frequently gives way, or rises much more to his advantage, which advantage
+      is lost to the principals, and thrown into the pockets of middle men by
+      the carelessness and indolence of the broker, who will not trouble himself
+      in looking out for such persons as he might do business with in a more
+      direct way.{21} When the Stock Market was more public, that is, when they
+      admitted the public by paying sixpence a day, competitors for government
+      loans were to be seen in numbers, which enabled ministers to make good
+      bargains for the country{22};
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     20 A room situated in Lombard-street, where the banking
+     clerks meet for the mutual exchange of drafts. The principal
+     business commences at three o'clock in the afternoon, and
+     the balances are paid and received at five o'clock.
+
+     21  Query,&mdash;When a broker has to buy and sell for two
+     different principals, may he not act as a jobber also, and
+     put the turns into his own pocket? In such cases the jobbers
+     are convenient cloaks to disguise the transaction.
+
+     22 The loans taken by Boyd and Co., Goldsmidt, and others,
+     were generally contracted for upon much better terms for the
+     country than those taken by the Stock Exchange; but as they
+     were contending against what is known by the interests of
+     the house, they all were ruined in their turns, as the
+     jobbers could always depreciate the value of stocks by
+     making sales for time of that they did not possess.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[135]</span>but, since the establishment of the
+      present private market, the stock-jobbers have been found to have so much
+      power over the price of stocks, after loans had been contracted for, that
+      real monied men, merchants, and bankers, have been obliged to creep in
+      under the wings of this body of gamblers, and be satisfied with what
+      portion of each loan this junto pleases to deal out to them."&mdash;In
+      this way little Principal opened the secret volume of the Stock Exchange
+      frauds, and exposed to our view the vile traffic carried on there by the
+      <i>flat-catchers of the money market</i>. In ordinary cases it would be a
+      task of extreme peril for a stranger to intrude into this <i>sanctum
+      sanctorum</i>; but as our friend, the broker, was highly respected, we
+      were allowed to pass through unmolested&mdash;a favour that will operate
+      in suppressing our notice of certain characters whom we recognized within.
+      It will, however, hardly be credited that in this place, where every man
+      is by profession a gambler, and sharping is the great qualification, so
+      much of their time is devoted to tricks and fancies that would disgrace a
+      school-boy. Among these the most prominent is hustling a stranger; an
+      ungenerous and unmanly practice, that is too often played off upon the
+      unsuspecting, who have been, perhaps, purposely invited into the den for
+      the amusement of the wolves. Another point of amusement is <i>flying a
+      tile, or slating</i> a man, as the phrases of the Stock Exchange describe
+      it. An anecdote is told of one of their own members which will best convey
+      an idea of this trick. One who was ever foremost in <i>slating</i> his
+      brothers, or kicking about a new castor, had himself just sported a new
+      hat, but, with prudence which is proverbial among the craft, he would
+      leave his new <i>tile</i> at the counting-house, <span class="pagenum">[136]</span>and
+      proceed to the Stock Exchange in an old one kept for the purpose: this
+      becoming known to some of the wags, members of the house, they despatched
+      a note and obtained the new hat, which no sooner made its appearance in
+      the house than it was thrown up for general sport; a joke in which none
+      participated more freely than the unsuspecting owner, whose chagrin may be
+      very well conceived, when, on his return to his counting-house from
+      Capel-court, he discovered that he had been assisting in kicking his own
+      property to pieces. Another trick of these wags is the screwing up a
+      number of pieces of paper longitudinally with a portion of black ink
+      inside them, and lying on the table before some person, whom they will
+      endeavour to engage in serious conversation upon the state of the market,
+      when it is ten to one if he does not roll some of these <i>twisters</i>
+      between his fingers, and from agitation or deep thought on his approaching
+      losses, or the risk of his speculations, blacken his fingers and his face,
+      to the horse-laughical amusement of the by-standers. One of the best among
+      the recent jokes my friend Bob has depicted to the life. (See Plate.) The
+      fame of Mr. Wright's brown pony had often reached the ears of his brother
+      brokers, but hitherto the animal himself was personally unknown: to
+      obviate this difficulty, some sportive wight ascertained the stable where
+      the old gentleman usually left his nag during the time he was attending
+      the market, and by a well-executed forgery succeeded in bringing the pony
+      to Capel-court, when, without further ceremony, he was introduced into the
+      house during the high bustle of the market, to the no small amusement of
+      the house and the utter astonishment of his owner.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      There is a new Stock Exchange established in Capel-court, where a number
+      of Jews, shopkeepers, and tradesmen assemble, and jobbers who have
+      emigrated from their friends in the upper house, some <span class="pagenum">[137]</span>of
+      whom have either been <i>ducks</i>, or have retired out of it on some
+      honourable occasion; but as all is conducted upon honour in this traffic
+      of gambling, these men also set up the principle of honour, on which they
+      risk what has been honourably brought away from their honourable fellow
+      labourers in the principal vineyard: these men stand generally in the
+      Alley, and, hearing what is going on in the other market (as they
+      speculate also upon the price established there), they will give advice to
+      strangers who may be on the out-look to make, as they expect, a speedy
+      fortune by dabbling in the stocks. If they find a person to be
+      respectable, they will offer to do business with him on the principle of
+      their brethren, and also exact the one-eighth per cent, as they do,
+      trusting to his honour, that (although they do not know where he lives) he
+      will appear on or before the settling day to balance the account, and pay
+      or receive the difference.{23}
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      These jobbers speculate a great deal upon puts and calls, and will give a
+      chance sometimes for a mere trifle. They have not, like the private
+      market, the public generally to work upon, the by-laws in the Stock
+      Exchange prohibiting any broker or jobber, being a regular member, from
+      dealing with them, on pain of forfeiting his right to re-enter; but,
+      notwithstanding, some of the brokers, and even the jobbers inside, will
+      run all risks when there appears a good chance of getting a turn on the
+      price in their favour: from this cause, however, the Alley, or New Stock
+      Exchange jobbers, are obliged to gamble more directly with each other;
+      consequently many get thrown to the leeward, and those who stand longest
+      are generally such as have other resources from the trade or
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     23 There have many lately entered into gambling transactions
+     with these gentlemen, and have taken the profit so long as
+     they were right in their speculations; but as soon as a loss
+     came upon them, knowing they have no black board, they walk
+     themselves coolly away with what they get.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[138]</span>occupation they carry on elsewhere. From
+      this place, called by the members of the <i>house Lower Tartary, or Hell</i>,
+      the next step of degradation, when obliged to waddle out of the court, is
+      the <i>Rotunda of New Botany Bay</i>. Here may be seen the private market
+      in miniature; a crowd of persons calling themselves jobbers and brokers,
+      and, of course, a market to serve any person who will deal with them; the
+      same system of <i>ear-wigging</i>, nods, and winks, is apparent, and the
+      same <i>fiddling, rasping</i>, and attempts at overreaching each other, as
+      in Upper Tartary, or the Den; and of course, while they rasp and fiddle,
+      their principals have to pay for the music: but as no great bargains are
+      contracted here (these good things being reserved for a select few in the
+      private market), the jobbers, who are chiefly of little note, are glad if
+      they can pick up a few shillings for a day's job, by cutting out money
+      stock for servants' and other people's small earnings. Here may be seen my
+      lord's footman from the west end of the town, who is a great politician,
+      and knows for a certainty that the stocks will be down; therefore he wants
+      to sell out his 50L. savings, to get in at less: here also may be some
+      other lord's footman, who has taken a different view of things, and wants
+      to buy; and, although their respective brokers might meet each other, and
+      transact business in a direct way, at a given price, notwithstanding they
+      either do, or they pretend to have given the jobbers the turn,{24} that
+      is, the one sold at one-eighth, and the other bought at one-fourth.&mdash;This
+      market, as in the Alley, is ruled by the prices established in the private
+      gambling market, which being the case, some will have messengers running
+      to and from this market to see how the puffs and bangs proceed; and if
+      they can saddle their neighbour before he knows the price is changed, it
+      is thought good jobbing. From the Stock
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     24 Some act both as jobbers and brokers, and will charge a
+     com-mission for selling their own stock.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[139]</span>Exchange to the Rotunda, every where, it
+      will be perceived, a system of gambling and deception is practised upon
+      the public, and the country demoralized and injured by a set of men who
+      have no principle but interest, and acknowledge no laws but those of gain.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Cimage-0022" id="Cimage-0022">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page139.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page139 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      As this was settling-day, we had the gratification to observe one
+      unfortunate howled out of the craft for having speculated excessively; and
+      not being able or willing to pay his differences, he was compelled to
+      waddle{25}; which he did, with a slow step and melancholy countenance,
+      accompanied by the hootings and railings of his unfeeling tribe, as he
+      passed down the narrow avenue from Upper Tartary, proclaimed to the lower
+      regions and the world
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A LAME DUCK
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     25 Those who become ducks are not what are termed true
+     jobbers; they are those who either job or speculate, or are
+     half brokers and half jobbers, and are left to pay out-door
+     speculators' accounts; or if a jobber lend himself to get
+     off large amounts of stock, in cases where the broker does
+     not wish the house to know he is operating, he generally
+     gives him an immediate advantage in the price in a private
+     bargain; this is termed being such-a-one's bawd.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Clink2H_4_0014" id="Clink2H_4_0014">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE ISLE OF WIGHT.
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      <span class="pagenum">[140]</span>
+    </h3>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Garden of England! spangle of the wave!
+          Loveliest spot that Albion's waters lave!
+          Hail, beauteous isle! thou gem of perfumed green,
+          Fancy's gay region, and enchantment's scone.
+          Here where luxuriant Nature pours,
+          In frolic mood, her choicest stores,
+          Bedecking with umbrageous green
+          And richest flowers the velvet scene,
+          Begirt by circling ocean's swell,
+          Enrich'd by mountain, moor, and dell;
+          Here bright Hygeia, queen of Health,
+          Bestows a gift which bankrupts wealth.
+
+     The Oxford Student&mdash;Reflections on the Close of a Term&mdash;The
+     Invitation&mdash;Arrival at Southampton&mdash;Remarks&mdash;The Steam Boat&mdash;
+     Advantages of Steam&mdash;Voyage to the Isle of Wight&mdash;
+     Southampton Water&mdash;The Solent Sea and surrounding Scenery&mdash;
+     Marine Villas, Castles, and Residences&mdash;West Cowes&mdash;Its
+     Harbour and Attractions&mdash;The Invalid or the Convalescent&mdash;
+     The Royal Yacht Club&mdash;Circular in Rhyme&mdash;Aquatic Sports
+     considered in a National Point of Vieio&mdash;A Night on board
+     the Rover Yacht&mdash;The Progress of Navigation&mdash;The
+     Embarkation&mdash;The Soldier's Wife&mdash;Sketches of Scenery
+     and Characters&mdash;Evening Promenaders&mdash;Excursions in the
+     Island, to Ryde, Newport, Shanklin Chine, Bonchurch, the
+     Needle Rocks&mdash;Descriptive Poetry&mdash;Morning, Noon, and Night&mdash;
+     The Regatta&mdash;The Pilot's Review&mdash;The Race Ball&mdash;Adieu to
+     Vectis.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      The Oxford commemoration was just over, and the Newdigate laurels graced
+      the brow of the victor; the <span class="pagenum">[l4l]</span>last concert
+      which brings together the scattered forces of <i>alma mater</i>, on the
+      eve of a long vacation, had passed off like the note of the cygnet; the
+      rural shades of Christchurch Meadows were abandoned by the classic
+      gownsmen, and the aquatic sons of Brazen-nose and Jesus had been compelled
+      to yield the palm of marine superiority to their more powerful opponents,
+      the athletic men of Exeter. The flowery banks of Isis no longer presented
+      the attractive evening scene, when all that is beautiful and enchanting
+      among the female graces of Oxford sport like the houris upon its velvet
+      shores, to watch the prowess of the college youth: The regatta had
+      terminated with the term; even the High Street, the usually
+      well-frequented resort of prosing dons, and dignitaries, and gossiping
+      masters of arts, bore a desolate appearance. Now and then, indeed, the
+      figure of a solitary gownsman glanced upon the eye, but it was at such
+      long and fearful intervals, and then, vision-like, of such short duration,
+      that, with the closed oaks of the tradesmen, and the woe-begone faces of
+      the starving <i>scouts and bed-makers</i>, a stranger might have imagined
+      some ruthless plague had swept away, "at one fell swoop," two-thirds of
+      the population of Rhedycina. It was at this dull period of time, that a
+      poor student, having passed successfully the Scylla and Charybdis of an
+      Oxonian's fears, the great go and little go, and exhausted by long and
+      persevering efforts to obtain his degree, had just succeeded in adding the
+      important academical letters to his name, when he received a kind
+      invitation from an old brother Etonian to spend a few weeks with him in
+      the Isle of Wight, "the flowery seat of the Muses," said Horace Eglantine,
+      (the inviter), "and the grove of Hygeia; the delightful spot, above all
+      others, best calculated to rub off the rust of college melancholy,
+      engendered by hard reading, invigorate the studious mind, and divest the
+      hypochrondriac of <i>la maladie <span class="pagenum">[142]</span>imaginaire!</i>'"
+      "And where," said Bernard Blackmantle, reasoning within himself, "is the
+      student who could withstand such an attractive summons? Friendship,
+      health, sports, and pleasures, all combined in the prospective; a view of
+      almost all the blessings that render life desirable; the charm that binds
+      man to society, the medicine that cures a wounded spirit, and the cordial
+      which reanimates and brightens the intellectual faculties of the
+      philosopher and the poet; in short, the health-inspiring draught, without
+      which the o'ercharged spirit would sink into earth, a prey to black
+      despondency, or linger out a wearisome existence only to become a gloomy
+      misanthrope, a being hateful to himself and obnoxious to all the world."
+      With nearly as much alacrity as the lover displays when, on the wings of
+      anticipated delight, he hastes to seek the beloved of his soul, did I,
+      Bernard Blackmantle, pack up my portmanteau, and make the best of my way
+      to Southampton, from which place the steam boat conveys passengers,
+      morning and evening, to and from the island. Southampton has in itself
+      very little worthy the notice of the lover of the characteristic and the
+      humorous, at least that I discovered in a few hours' ramble. It is a clean
+      well-built town, of considerable extent and antiquity, particularly its
+      entrance gate, enlivened by numerous elegant shops, whose blandishments
+      are equally attractive with the more fashionable <i>magazines de modes</i>
+      of the British metropolis. The accommodations for visitors inclined to
+      bathe or walk have been much neglected, and the vapours arising from its
+      extended shores at low water are, in warm weather, very offensive; but the
+      influx of strangers is, nevertheless, very great, from its being the port
+      most eligible to embark from for either Havre de Grace, Guernsey, Jersey,
+      or the Isle of Wight. The market here is accounted excellent, and from
+      this source the visitors of Cowes are principally <span class="pagenum">[143]</span>supplied
+      with fruit, fish, fowl, and delicacies. The steam boat is a new scene for
+      the painter of real life, and the inquisitive observer of the humorous and
+      eccentric. The facility it affords of a quick and certain conveyance, in
+      defiance of wind and tide, ensures its proprietors, during the summer
+      months, a harvest of success. Its advantages I have here attempted to
+      describe in verse, a whim written during my passage; and this will account
+      for the odd sort of measure adopted, which I attribute to the peculiar
+      motion of the vessel, and the clanking of the engine; for, as everybody
+      knows, poets are the most susceptible of human beings in relation to local
+      circumstances.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          THE ADVANTAGES OF STEAM.
+
+          If Adam or old Archimedes could wake as from a dream,
+          How the ancients would be puzzled to behold
+          Arts, manufactures, coaches, ships, alike impell'd by steam;
+          Fire and water changing bubbles into gold.
+          Steam's universal properties are every day improving,
+          All you eat, or drink, or wear is done by steam;
+          And shortly it will be applied to every thing that's moving,
+          As an engine's now erecting to write novels by the ream.
+          Fine speeches in the parliament, and sermons 'twill deliver;
+          To newspapers it long has been applied;
+          In King's Bench Court or Chancery a doubtful question shiver
+          With an argument already "cut and dried."
+          Its benefits so general, and uses so extensive,
+          That steam ensures the happiness of all mankind;
+          We grow rich by its economy, and travel less expensive
+          To the Indies or America, without the aid of wind.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Here we are, then, on board the steam boat, huge clouds of smoke rolling
+      over our heads, and the reverberatory paddles of the engine just beginning
+      to cut the bosom of Southampton Water. Every where the eye of the
+      traveller feasts with delight upon the surrounding scenery and objects,
+      while his cranium is protected from the too powerful heat of a summer's
+      <span class="pagenum">[144]</span>sun by an elegant awning spread from
+      side to side of the forecastle, and under which he inhales the salubrious
+      and saline breezes, enjoying an uninterrupted prospect of the surrounding
+      country. On the right, the marine villas of Sir Arthur Pagett and Sir
+      Joseph Yorke, embowered beneath the most luxuriant foliage, claim the
+      notice of the traveller; and next the antique ruins of Netley Abbey peep
+      out between the portals of a line of rich majestic trees, bringing to the
+      reflective mind reminiscences of the past, of the days of superstition and
+      of terror, when the note of the gloomy bell reverberated through the
+      arched roofs the funeral rite of some departed brother, and, lingering,
+      died in gentle echoings beneath the vaulted cloisters, making the monkish
+      solitude more horrible; but now, as Keate has sung,
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "Mute is the matin bell, whose early call
+          Warn'd the gray fathers from their humble beds;
+          No midnight taper gleams along the wall,
+          Or round the sculptured saint its radiance sheds."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      At the extremity of the New Forest, and commanding the entrance to the
+      river, the picturesque fort called Calshot Castle stretches forth, like
+      the Martello Towers in the Bay of Naples, an object of the most romantic
+      appearance; and at a little distance from it rises the stately tower of
+      Eaglehurst, with its surrounding pavilions and plantations. To the
+      westward is the Castle of Hurst; and now opens to the astonished
+      traveller's view the Wight, extending eastward and westward far as the eye
+      can compass, but yet within its measurement from point to point.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          &mdash;&mdash;&mdash;"Here in this delicious garden is
+          Variety without end; sweet interchange
+          Of hills and valleys, rivers, woods, and plains;
+          Now land, now sea, and shores with forests crown'd,
+          Rocks, dens, and caves."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      The coast presents a combination of romantic, pastoral, and marine
+      beauties, that are deservedly the <span class="pagenum">[145]</span>theme
+      of admiration, and certainly no spot of the same extent, in the three
+      kingdoms, perhaps in the world, can boast of such a diversity of
+      picturesque qualities, of natural charms, and local advantages&mdash;attractions
+      which have justly acquired for it the emphatic distinction of the Garden
+      of England. Every where the coast is adorned with cottages or villas, hill
+      or vale, enriched by the most luxuriant foliage, and crowned in the
+      distance by a chain of lofty downs; while in front the coasts of Gosport
+      and Portsmouth, and that grand naval station for England's best bulwarks,
+      Spithead, present a forest of towering masts and streamers, which adds
+      much to the natural grandeur of the scene. As we near Cowes we are
+      delighted with a variety of striking objects: The chaste and
+      characteristic seat of Norris, the residence of Lord Henry Seymour,
+      massive in its construction, and remarkable for the simplicity of its
+      style and close approximation to the ancient castle. On the brow of the
+      hill the picturesque towers of East Cowes Castle rise from a surrounding
+      grove, and present a very beautiful appearance, which is materially
+      increased upon nearer inspection by the rapid spread of the deep-hued ivy
+      clinging to its walls, and giving it an appearance of age and solidity
+      which is admirably relieved by the diversity of the lighter foliage. On
+      the other side projects from a point westward Cowes Castle, the allotted
+      residence of the governor, but now inhabited by the Marquis of Anglesey
+      and his family, to whose partiality for aquatic sports Cowes is much
+      indebted for its increasing consequence and celebrity. The building
+      itself, although much improved of late, is neither picturesque nor
+      appropriate; but the adjoining scenery, and particularly the marine villas
+      of Lord Grantham and the late Sir J. C. Hippesley, have greatly increased
+      the beauty of the spot, which first strikes the eye of a stranger in his
+      progress to West Cowes from <span class="pagenum">[146]</span>Southampton
+      Water. The town itself rises like an amphitheatre from the banks of a
+      noble harbour, affording security and convenience for large fleets of
+      ships to ride at anchor safely, or to winter in from stress of weather, or
+      the repair of damages. But here ends my topographical sketches for the
+      present. The inspiring air of "Home, sweet Home," played by the steward
+      upon the key bugle, proclaims our arrival; the boat is now fast drawing to
+      her moorings at the Fountain Quay, the boatmen who flock along-side have
+      already solicited the care of my luggage, and the hand of my friend,
+      Horace Eglantine, is stretched forth to welcome my arrival at West Cowes.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The first salutations over with my friend Eglantine, I could not help
+      expressing my surprise at the sailor-like appearance of his costume. "All
+      the go here, old fellow," said Horace; "we must start that long-tailed gib
+      of yours for a nice little square mizen, just enough to cover your beam
+      and keep your bows cool; so bear a hand, my boy, and let us drop down easy
+      to our births, and when properly rigged you shall go on board my yacht,
+      the Rover, and we will bear away for the westward. Only cast off that sky
+      scraper of yours before the boom sweeps it overboard, and cover your main
+      top with a Waterloo cap: there, now, you are cutter rigg'd, in good
+      sailing trim, nothing queer and yawl-like about you." In this way I soon
+      found myself metamorphosed into a complete sailor, in appearance; and as
+      every other person of any condition, from the marquis downwards, adopted
+      the same dress, the alteration was indispensably necessary to escape the
+      imputation of being considered a Goth. Among the varied sports in which
+      the nobility and gentry of England have at any time indulged, or that
+      have, from the mere impulse of the moment and the desire of novelty,
+      become popular, none have been more truly national and praiseworthy than
+      the establishment of the Royal Yacht Club. The promotion <span
+      class="pagenum">[147]</span>of aquatic amusement combines the soundest
+      policy in the pursuit of pleasure, two points but rarely united; in
+      addition to which it benefits that class of our artizans, the shipwrights,
+      who, during a time of profound peace, require some such auxiliary aid; nor
+      is it less patriotic in affording employment to sea-faring men,
+      encouraging the natural characteristic of Britons, and feeding and
+      fostering a branch of service upon which the country must ever rely for
+      its support and defence in time of peril. To the owners it offers
+      advantages and attractions which are not, in other pursuits, generally
+      attainable; Health here waits on Pleasure,&mdash;Science benefits by its
+      promotion,&mdash;friends may partake without inconvenience or much
+      additional expense,&mdash;travel is effected with economy,&mdash;and
+      change of scene and a knowledge of foreign coasts obtained without the
+      usual privations and incumbrances attendant upon the public mode of
+      conveyance. By a recent regulation, any gentleman's pleasure yacht may
+      enter the ports of France, or those of any other power in alliance with
+      England, exempted from the enormous exactions generally extorted from
+      private and merchant vessels, as harbour and other dues,&mdash;a privilege
+      of no mean consequence to those who are fond of sailing. In addition,
+      there are those, and of the service too, who contend, that since the
+      establishment of the Royal Yacht Club, by their building superior vessels,
+      exciting emulation, and creating a desire to excel in naval architecture,
+      and also by the superiority of their sailing, the public service of the
+      country has been much benefited, particularly as regards our lighter
+      vessels, such as revenue cutters and cruizers. This club, which originated
+      with some gentlemen at Cowes in the year 1815, now comprises the name of
+      almost every nobleman and gentleman in the kingdom who keeps a yacht, and
+      is honoured with that of the sovereign, and other members of his family,
+      <span class="pagenum">[148]</span>as its patrons. Cowes Harbour is the
+      favourite rendezvous; and here in the months of July and August may be
+      seen above one hundred fine vessels built entirely for purposes of
+      pleasure, and comprising every size and variety of rigging, from a ship of
+      three hundred tons burthen to the yawl of only eight or ten. It was just
+      previous to that delightful spectacle, the regatta, taking place, when the
+      roads and town presented an unusually brilliant appearance, that I found
+      myself agreeably seated on board the Rover, a cutter yacht of about thirty
+      tons, who, if she was not fitted up with all the superiority of many of
+      those which surrounded me, had at least every comfortable and necessary
+      accommodation for half a dozen visitors, without incommoding my friend
+      Horace or his jovial crew.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      I had arrived at Cowes a low-spirited weakly invalid, more oppressed in
+      mind than body; but a few trips with my friend Eglantine to sea, on board
+      the Rover, and some equally pleasant rambles among the delightful scenery
+      which surrounds the bay of Cowes, had in one week's residence banished all
+      symptoms of dispepsia and nervous debility, and set the master of arts
+      once more upon his legs again. Some idea of my condition, on leaving <i>alma
+      mater</i>, may be obtained by the following effusion of my Muse, who, to
+      do her justice, is not often sentimental, unless when sickness presses her
+      too close.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          THE INVALID.
+
+          Light-hearted Mirth and Health farewell,
+          Twin sisters of my youthful days,
+          Who through life's early spangled dell
+          Would oft inspire my humble lays.
+
+          Fancy, cameleon of the mind,
+          The poet's treasure, life, and fame,
+          Thou too art fled, with wreath to bind
+          The budding of some happier name.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[149]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Oppression's sway, or fortune's frown,
+          My buoyant spirits once could bear;
+          But now chimeras press me down,
+          And all around seems fell despair.
+
+          With fev'rish dreams and frenzied brain,
+          When Hecate spreads her veil, I'm crost;
+          My body sinks a prey to pain,
+          And all but lingering hope is lost.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      With the return of health and spirits, Horace insisted I should write the
+      "L'Allegro" to this "Il Penseroso" effusion. So, finding the jade had
+      recovered her wonted buoyancy, I prayed her mount on gayest wing, and
+      having spread her pinions to the sun, produced the following impromptu.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          THE CONVALESCENT.
+
+          Welcome, thou first great gift below,
+          Hygeian maid, with rosy glow,
+          Thrice welcome to my call.
+          Let misers hug their golden store,
+          I envy none the servile ore;
+          To me thou art all in all.
+
+          Thou spring of life, and herald fair,
+          Whose charm dispels disease and care,
+          And yields a summer joy,
+          All hail! celestial seraph, hail!
+          Thou art the poet's coat of mail,
+          His mirth without alloy.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      There is a prepossessing something in the life of a sailor which improves
+      the natural attachment of Englishmen to every thing nautical; so much so,
+      that I never heard of one in my life who was not, after a single trip,
+      always fond of relating his hair-breadth perils and escapes, and of
+      seizing every opportunity to display his marine knowledge by framing his
+      conversation <i>ship shape</i>, and decorating his oratory with a few of
+      those lingual localisms, which to a landsman must be almost unintelligible
+      without the aid of <span class="pagenum">[150]</span>a naval glossary. A
+      fortnight's tuition under the able auspices of my friend Horace had
+      brought me into tolerable good trim in this particular; I already knew the
+      difference between fore and aft, a gib, a mainsail, and a mizen;could hand
+      a rope, or let go the foresail upon a tack; and having gained the good
+      opinion of the sailing captain, I was fast acquiring a knowledge how to
+      box the binnacle and steer through the Needle's Eye. But, my conscience!
+      as the Dominie says, I could never learn how to distinguish the different
+      vessels by name, particularly when at a little distance; their build and
+      rigging being to my eye so perfectly similar. In all this, however, my
+      friend Horace was as completely at home as if he had studied naval
+      architecture at the college; the first glance of a vessel was quite enough
+      for him: like an old sportsman with the pedigree of a horse or a dog, only
+      let him see her, through his glass head or stern, or upon a lee lurch, and
+      he would hail her directly, specify her qualities and speed, tell you
+      where she was built, and who by, give you the date of her register,
+      owner's name, tonnage, length and breadth of her decks, although to the
+      eye of the uninitiated there was no distinguishing mark about her, the
+      hull being completely black, and the rigging, to a rope, like every other
+      vessel of the same class. "For instance," said Horace, "who could possibly
+      mistake that beautiful cutter, the Pearl? See how she skims along like a
+      swan with her head up, and stern well under the wind! Then, look at her
+      length; there's a bowsprit, my boy! full half the measurement of her hull;
+      and her new mainsail looks large enough to sweep up every breath of wind
+      between the sea and the horizon. Then only direct your fore lights to her
+      trim; every rope just where it should be, and not a line too much; and
+      when she fills well with a stiff breeze, not a wrinkle in all her canvas
+      from the gib to the gaff topsail. Then observe how she dips in the bows,
+      and what a breadth she <span class="pagenum">[151]</span>has; why she's
+      fit for any seas; and if the Arrow ever shoots past her, I'll forfeit
+      every shot in my lockers." "Avast there! master Horace," said our master
+      at the helm, who was an old Cowes pilot, and as bluff as a Deal sea-boat;
+      "the Pearl is a noble sailer; but a bird can't fly without wings, nor a
+      ship run thirteen knots an hour without a good stiff breeze. If the light
+      winds prevail, the Arrow will have the advantage, particularly now she's
+      cutter rigged, and has got the marquis's old mainsail up to take the wind
+      out of his eye." "Ay, ay," said Horace, "you must tell that story to the
+      marines, old boy; it will never do for the sailors." "Mayhap, your honours
+      running right a-head with the Pearl, and betting your blunt all one way;
+      but, take an old seaman's advice; may I get no more rest than a dog-vane,
+      or want a good <i>grego</i>{1} in a winter's watch, if I don't think you
+      had better keep a good look-out for the wind's changing aft; and be ready
+      to haul in your weather-braces, and bear the back-stays abreast the
+      top-br'im, ere the boatswain's mate pipes the starboard-watch a-hoy."
+      "Tush, tush, old fellow," said Horace, with whom I found Lord Anglesey's
+      cutter stood a one at Lloyd's. "May my mother sell vinegar, and I stay at
+      home to bottle it off, if I would give a farthing per cent, to be ensured
+      for my whole risk upon the grand match! Mind your weather roll, master&mdash;belay
+      every inch of that. There now; look out a-head; there's the Liberty giving
+      chase to the Julia, and the Jack-o'lantern weathering the Swallow upon
+      every tack. His Grace of Norfolk won't like that; but a pleasure hack must
+      not be expected to run against a thorough-bred racer. There is but one
+      yawl in the club, and that is the little Eliza, that can sail alongside a
+      cutter; but then Sir George Thomas is a tar for all weathers&mdash;a true
+      blue jacket&mdash;every thing so snug&mdash;cawsand rig&mdash;no topmasts&mdash;all
+      so square and trim, that nothing of his bulk can
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 A watch-coat.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[152]</span>beat him." In this way my friend
+      Eglantine very soon perfected me in nautical affairs, or, to use his
+      expression, succeeded in putting a "timber head in the ship;" and the
+      first use I made of my newly acquired information was to pen a <i>jeu
+      d'esprit</i>, in the way of a circular in rhyme, inviting the members of
+      the Royal Yacht Club to assemble in Cowes-roads. The whim was handed about
+      in MS., and pleased more from its novelty than merit; but as it contains a
+      correct list of the club at this period, and as the object of the English
+      Spy is to perpetuate the recollections of his own time, I shall here
+      introduce it to the notice of my readers.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Clink2H_4_0015" id="Clink2H_4_0015">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      A CIRCULAR,
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      ADDRESSED TO THE MEMBERS OP THE ROYAL YACHT CLUB.
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      Come, lads, bend your sails; o'er the blue waters thronging, In barks like
+      the sea-mew that skims o'er the lave; All you to the Royal Yacht squadron
+      belonging, Come, muster at Cowes, for true sport on the wave.{1} First our
+      king,{2} Heaven bless him! who's lord of the sea, And delights in the
+      sport of the circling wave, Commands you attend him wherever ye be, Sons
+      of ocean, ye loyal, ye witty, and brave. Here Anglesey,{3} Waterloo's
+      hero, shall greet ye;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 The club generally assemble in Cowes-roads about the
+     middle of July to commence their aquatic excursions, which
+     are continued
+
+     until after the Regatta in August.
+
+     2 His Majesty is graciously pleased to honour the club by
+     becoming its patron.
+
+     3 The Marquis of Anglesey is a principal promoter of this
+     truly British sport, and resides with his family at Cowes
+     Castle during the season. The Pearl cutter, 113 tons, and
+     the Liberty cutter, 42 tons, are both his property.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[153]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The Pearl, and the Liberty, cutters in trim, The Welds {4} in the Arrow
+      and Julia too meet ye, The match for eight hundred affording you whim.
+      Here Grantham{5} his Nautilus, steer'd by old Hollis, Shall cut through
+      the wave like a beautiful shell; And Symonds{6} give chase in the yawl the
+      Cornwallis, And Webster{7} the Scorpion manage right well; And Williams{8}
+      the younger, and Owen{9} his dad, From the shores of Beaumaris have run
+      the Gazelle; And Craven{10} his May-fly wings o'er like a lad That is used
+      to the ocean, and fond of its swell. Come, lads, bear a hand&mdash;here's
+      Sir George hove in sight, With his little Eliza{11} so snug and so trim;
+      Tan sails, cawsand rigg'd&mdash;for all weather she's tight; You must sail
+      more than well, if you mean to beat him. Then steady, boys, steady&mdash;here's
+      Yarborough's{12} Falcon, A very fine ship, but a little too large; And
+      here is a true son of Neptune to talk on, Vice-Admiral Hope,{13} K.CB. in
+      his barge.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     4 Joseph and James Welds, Esqrs., of Southampton, the
+     wealthy and spirited owners of the Arrow yawl, 85 tons, and
+     the Julia, 43 tons. These gentlemen evince the greatest
+     spirit in challenging and sailing any of the club.
+
+     5 Lord Grantham, Nautilus, Cutter, 103 tons, a new and very
+     fast sailer.
+
+     Owner                            Vessel          Class     Tons
+
+     6 Capt. J. C. Symonds, R.N.  Adm. Cornwallis     Yawl        22
+
+     7 Sir Godfrey Webster        Scorpion,           Cutter     110
+
+     8 T. P. Williams, Esq.,      Hussar,             Schooner,  120
+                    and the       Blue-eyed Maid,     Cutter,     39
+
+     9 Owen Williams, Esq.        Gazelle             Cutter      87
+
+     10 Earl Craven               May-fly             Yawl        39
+
+     11 Sir George Thomas, Bart.  Eliza               Yawl        34
+
+     12 Lord Yarborough           Commodore Falcon    Ship       335
+
+     13 Vice-Admiral Sir W. Johnston Hope, K.C.B., who is here in
+     one of the Admiralty yachts.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[154]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Come,  lads, spread your canvas for health  and for pleasure,
+     For both are combined in this true British sport;
+     Come, muster in Cowes-roads without further leisure,
+     Blue jackets and trowsers for dresses at court.
+     See Deerhurst{14} his Mary sticks to like a lover,
+     And Lindegren's{15}Dove wings it over the main;
+     Powell's {16} Briton, 'tis very well known, is a rover,
+     In Union the Pagets{17}must ever remain;
+     Here's Smith's {18 }Jack o'lantern and Chamberlayne's Fairy,{19}
+     Earl Harborough's{20} Ann, and F. Pake's Rosabelle{21}
+     Lord Willoughby's {22} Antelope, Penleaze's {23}Mary,
+     And Gauntlet's{24}Water-sprite sails very well.
+     Come, jolly old Curtis,{25} bear up in your Emma,
+     Eight cheerily laden with turtle and port;
+     And Melville{26} set sail if you'd scape the dilemma
+     Of being too late for our aquatic sport.
+     See Norfolk {27}already is here in the Swallow,
+     And the Don Giovanni a challenge has sent,
+     Which Lyons {28} accepts, and intends to beat hollow,
+     That is if the Londoner should not repent.
+
+     Owner                        Vessel
+
+     14 Viscount Deerhurst        Mary
+
+     15 J. Lindegren, Esq.        Dove.
+
+     16 J. B. Powell, Esq.        Briton
+
+     17  Right Hon. Sir A. Paget  Union
+
+     18 T. A. Smith, jun. Esq.    Jack o'lantern
+
+     19 W. Chamberlayne, Esq.     Fairy
+
+     20  Earl of Harborough       Ann
+
+     21 F. Pare, Esq.             Rosabelle
+
+     22 Lord Willoughby do Broke  Antelope
+
+     23 J. S. Penleaze, Esq.      Mary
+
+     24 Captain J. Gauntlet       Water Sprite
+
+     25 Sir William Curtis, Bart. Rebecca Maria,   Yawl,      76 tons.
+                   and            Emma,            Schooner, 132 tons.
+
+     26  Lord Melville            Admiralty Yacht            100
+
+     27  Duke of Norfolk          Swallow          Yawl      124
+
+     28 Captain Edmund Lyons (the polar navigator) had just
+     launched the Queen Mab.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[155]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     But look, what a crowd of fine yachts are arriving!
+     The Elizabeth,{29 }Unicorn,{30} Cygnet,{31} and Jane,{32}
+     The Eliza, Sabrina,{33} Madora,{34} all striving
+     To beat one another as coursing the main.
+     A fleet of small too, at anchor are riding;
+     The Margaret{35} Sapphire,{36} the Molly,{37} and Hind,{38}
+     The Orion,{39} and Dormouse{40} and Janette{41}abiding
+     The time when each vessel shall covet the wind.
+     Then, boys, bend your sails, and weigh for  our regatta,
+     We've a  Sylph?{42 and a  Rambler{43} and a Merry Maid,{44}
+     A Syren{45} a Cherub{46} a Charlotte{47} and at her
+     A Corsair(48} who looks as if nothing afraid.
+     Here the Lord of  the Isles{49} and freebooter Rob Roy,{50}
+     By a Will o' the Wisp{51} are led over the deep;
+
+     29 J. Fleming, Esq.
+      Elizabeth
+
+     30 H. Perkins, Esq.
+      Unicorn,
+
+     31 J. Reynolds, Esq.
+      Cygnet
+
+     32 Hon. William Hare
+      Jane
+
+     33 James Maxie, Esq.
+      Sâbrina
+
+     34 H. Hopkins, Esq.
+      Madora
+
+     35 Hon. William White
+      Margaret
+
+     36 James Dundas, Esq.
+      Sapphire
+
+     37 Lieutenant-Colonel Harris
+      Charming Molly
+
+     38 Capt. Herringham, R.N.
+      Hind
+
+     39 James Smith, Esq.
+      Orion
+
+     40. P. Peach, Esq.
+      Dormouse
+
+     41 Capt. C. Wyndham, R.N.
+      Janette
+
+     42 R. W. Newman, Esq.
+      Sylph
+
+     43 J. H. Durand, Esq.
+      Jolly Rambler
+
+     44 Joseph Gulston, Esq.
+      Merry-maid
+
+     45 T. Lewin, Esq.
+      Syren
+
+     46 T. Challen, Esq.
+      Cherub
+
+     47 John Vassall, Esq.
+      Charlotte
+
+     48 Corbett, Esq.
+      Corsair
+
+     49 Colonel Seale
+      Lord of the Isles
+
+     50 W. Gaven, Esq.
+      Rob Roy
+
+     51 E. H. Dolatield, Esq.
+      Will o' the Wisp
+
+     And  the  Highland  Lass{52}   blushes   a   welcome   of joy,
+     As alongside the Wombwell{53} she anchors to sleep.
+     Here the Donna del Lago{54} consorts with Rostellan,{55}
+     To the New Grove,{56} Lord Nelson{57} Louisa {58} attends,
+     Galatea{59} runs a Harrie{60} in chase of the Erin,{61}
+     And here with the Club List my Circular ends.
+
+     Owner                        Vessel              Class     Tons
+
+     52 Lieut.-Gen. Mackenzie     Highland Lass       Yawl       25
+
+     53 T. Harman, Esq.           Wombivell           Cutter     33
+
+     54 S. Halliday, Esq.         Lady of Die Lake    Yawl       42
+
+     55 Marquis of Thoruond       Rostellan           Schooner   60
+
+     56 John Roche, Esq.          New Grove           Cutter     24
+
+     57 Reverend C. A. North      Lord Nelson         Cutter     75
+
+     58 Arch. Swinton, Esq.       Louisa              Yawl       24
+
+     59 C. R. M. Talbot, Esq.     Galatea             Schooner  179
+
+     60 Sir R. J. A. Kemys        Harrier             Schooner   36
+
+     61 T. Allen, Esq.            Erin                Schooner   94
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[156]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "A right merrie conceit," said Horace, "and a good-humoured jingle that
+      must be gratifying to all mentioned, and will serve as a record of the
+      present list of the Yacht Club to future times. We must petition the
+      commodore to enter you upon the ship's books as poet-laureate to the
+      squadron: you shall pen lyrics for our annual club-dinner at East Cowes,
+      compose sea-chants for our cabin jollifications, sing the praises of our
+      wives and sweethearts, and write a congratulatory ode descriptive of our
+      vessels, crews, and commanders, at the end of every season; and your
+      reward shall be a birth on board any of the fleet when you choose a sail,
+      and a skin-full of grog whenever you like to command it. So come, old
+      fellow, give us a spice of your qualifications for your new office;
+      something descriptive of the science of navigation, from its earliest date
+      to the perfection of a first-rate man of war."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[157]</span> THE PROGRESS OF NAVIGATION, AN ORIGINAL
+      SONG;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Dedicated to the Members of the Royal Yacht Club.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          In the first dawn of science, ere man could unfold
+          The workings of nature, or valued dull gold;
+          Ere yet he had ventured to dare ocean's swell,
+          Or could say by the moon how the tides rose and fell;
+          A philosopher seated one day on the brink
+          Of the silvery margin thus took him to think:
+          "If on this side the waters are girted by land,
+          What controls the wide expanse, I'd fain understand."
+          Thus buried in thought had he ponder'd till now,
+          But a beautiful nautilus sail'd to and fro;
+          Just then a sly breeze raised the curls from his eyes,
+          And he woke from a dream to extatic surprise.
+          O'er his head a huge oak spread a canopy round,
+          Whose trunk being hollow, he levell'd to ground;
+          With a branch form'd a mast, and some matting a sail,
+          And thus rudely equipp'd dared the perilous gale;
+          Of the winds and the waves both the mercy and sport,
+          His bark was long tost without guidance to port,
+          And the storms of the ocean went nigh to o'erwhelm,
+          When the tail of the dolphin suggested a helm.
+          Ry degrees, the canoe to a cutter became,
+          And order and form newly-moulded the same,
+          Ropes, rigging, and canvas, and good cabin room,
+          A bowsprit, a mizen, a gib, and a boom.
+          From the cutter, the schooner, brig, frigate arose;
+          Till Britons, determined to conquer their foes,
+          Built ships like to castles, they call'd men of war,
+          The fame of whose broadsides struck terror afar.
+          Now boldly, philosophy aided by skill,
+          Bent his course o'er the blue waters sailing at will,
+          But dubious the track, for as yet 'twas unknown
+          How to steer 'twixt the poles for a north or south zone,
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[158]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Till the magnet's attraction, by accident found,
+          Taught man how the globe he could traverse around;
+          New worlds brought to light, and new people to view,
+          And by commerce connected Turk, Christian, and Jew.
+          All this while, father Neptune lay snug in his bed,
+          Till he heard a sad riot commence o'er his head,
+          Folks firing, and fighting, and sailing about,
+          When his godship popp'd up just to witness the rout;
+          It happen'd in one of those actions to be
+          When Europe combined fought the isle of the sea,
+          And, as usual, were conquer'd, sunk, fired, or run,
+          That old Neptune acknowledged each Briton his son.
+          "From this time," said his godship, "henceforth, be it known,
+          Little England's the spot for the ocean-king's throne;
+          And this charter I grant, and enrol my decree,
+          That my brave sons, the Britons, are lords of the sea."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      "There's nothing like a good song," said Horace, "for conveying
+      information on nautical subjects, or promoting that national spirit which
+      is the pride and glory of our isle. I question if the country are not more
+      indebted to old Charles Dibdin for his patriotic effusions during the late
+      war, than to all the psalm-singing admirals and chaplains of the fleet put
+      together. I know that crab Gambier, and the methodist privateers who press
+      all sail to pick up a deserter from the orthodox squadron, do a great deal
+      of mischief among our seamen; for as Corporal Trim says, 'What time has a
+      sailor to palaver about creeds when it blows great guns, or the enemies of
+      his country heave in sight? a sailor's religion is to perform his duty
+      aloft and do good below; honour his king, love his girl, obey his
+      commander, and burn, sink, and destroy the foes of his country.' Here we
+      have an occasional exhibition of this sort on board the depot vessel in
+      the harbour, when the <i>Bethel</i> flag <span class="pagenum">[159]</span>is
+      hoisted, and the voice of the puritan is heard from East Cowes to
+      Eaglehurst; as if there were not already conventicles enough on shore for
+      those who are disposed to separate themselves from the established church,
+      without the aid of a floating chapel, furnished by the government agent to
+      subvert the present order of things. On this point, you know, I was always
+      a liberal thinker, but a firm friend to the church, as being essential to
+      the best interests of the state. An old college chum of ours, who has been
+      unusually fortunate in obtaining ecclesiastical preferment, thought proper
+      to send me a friendly lecture in one of his letters the other day on this
+      subject, to which I returned the following answer, and put an end to his
+      scruples, as I think, for ever: I have entitled it
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          THE UNIVERSALIST.
+
+          'to a friend who questioned the propriety of his
+          religious opinions.
+
+          'You ask what creed is mine? and where
+          I seek the Lord in holy prayer?
+          What sect I follow? by what rule,
+          Perhaps you mean, I play the fool?
+          I answer, none; yet gladly own
+          I worship God, but God alone.
+          No pious fraud or monkish lies
+          Shall teach me others to despise;
+          Whate'er their creed, I love them all,
+          So they before their Maker fall.
+          The sage, the savage, and refined,
+          On this one point are equal blind:
+          Shall man, the creature of an hour,
+          Arraign the all-creative Power?
+          Or, by smooth chin, or beard unshaved,
+          Decree who shall or not be saved?
+          Presumptuous priests, in silk and lawn,
+          May lib'ral minds denounce with scorn;
+          The reason's clear&mdash;remove the veil,
+          Their trade and interest both must fail.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[160]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          I hold that being worse than blind,
+          Where bigotry usurps the mind;
+          And more abhor him who for pelf,
+          Denouncing others, damns himself.
+          Look round, observe creation's work,
+          From Afric's savage to the Turk;
+          Through polish'd Europe turn your eye,
+          To where the sun of liberty
+          On western shores illumes the wave,
+          That flows o'er many a patriot's grave;
+          As varied as their skin's the creed,
+          By which they hope they shall succeed
+          In presence of their God, to prove
+          Their claim to his eternal love;
+          A claim that must and will have weight,
+          No matter what their creed or state.
+          By modes of faith let none presume
+          To fix his fellow-creature's doom.'"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      "A truce with religion, Horace," said I; "it is a controversy that
+      generally ends in making friends foes, and foes the most implacable of
+      persecutors: with the one it shuts out all hope of reconciliation, with
+      the other breeds a war of extermination; so come, lad, leave theology to
+      the fathers&mdash;we that have liberal souls tolerate all creeds. More
+      hollands, steward: here's a glass to all our college acquaintance, not
+      forgetting grandmamma and the pretty nuns of Saint Clement's. Where the
+      deuce is all that singing we hear above, steward?" "On board the
+      Transport, your honour." "Ay, I remember, I saw the poor devils embark
+      this morning, and a doleful sight it was&mdash;one hundred of my
+      fellow-creatures, in the prime of life, consigned to an early grave,
+      transported to the pestilential climate of Sierre Leone: inquire for them
+      three months hence, and you shall find them&mdash;not where they will find
+      you&mdash;but where whole regiments of their predecessors have been
+      sacrificed, on the unhealthy shores&mdash;victims to the false policy of
+      holding what is worse than useless, and of enslaving the original owners
+      of the soil.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[161]</span>Liquor, and the reflection of their
+      desperate fortunes, have driven them mad, and now they give vent to their
+      feelings in a forced torrent of wild mirth, in which they would bury the
+      recollections of those they are parted from for ever. On the beach this
+      morning I witnessed a most distressing scene: wives separated by force
+      from their husbands, and children torn from the fond embraces of parents
+      whose parting sighs were all they could yield them on this side the grave.
+      'Push off the boat, and, officer, see that no women are permitted on
+      board,' said the superintending lieutenant of the depot, with a voice and
+      manner hard and unfeeling as the iron oracle of authority. My heart
+      sickened at the sight, and the thrilling scream of a widowed wife, as she
+      fell senseless on the causeway, created an impression that my pitying Muse
+      could not resist recording.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'THE SOLDIER'S WIPE.
+
+          'There's a pang which no pencil nor pen can express,
+          A heart-broken sigh which despondency breathes,
+          When the soul, overcharged with oppressive distress,
+          Of the tear of relief the sad bosom bereaves.
+          'Twas thus on the shore, like a statue of grief,
+          The wife of the soldier her babe fondly press'd;
+          Not a word could she utter, no tear gave relief,
+          But sorrow convulsively heaved her soft breast.
+          Now nearer she presses&mdash;now severed for life
+          The waves bear the lord of her bosom from view;
+          Distraction suspends the red current of life,
+          And she sinks on the beach as he sighs out adieu.'"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      "Zounds, old fellow, how sentimental you are growing!" said Horace: "you
+      must read these pathetic pieces to the marines; they will never do for the
+      sailors. Here, steward, bear a hand, muster the crew aft, and let us have
+      a tune, Jack's Alive, Malbrook, or the College Hornpipe;" an order that
+      was quickly carried into execution, as most of the <span class="pagenum">[162]</span>men
+      on board I found played some wind instrument, the effect of which upon the
+      stillness of the water was enchantingly sweet. During the occasional rests
+      of the band, Horace sung one of those delightful melodies, written in
+      imitation of Moore, for which he was celebrated when a boy at Eton.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          THE EVENING TIDE.
+
+          Tune&mdash;" The Young May Moon."
+          Whither so fast away, my dear?
+          The star of Eve is bright and clear,
+          And the parting day, as it fades away,
+          To lovers brings delight, my dear:
+          Then 'neath night's spangled veil, my dear,
+          Come list t' the young heart's tale sincere;
+          Yon orb of light, so chaste and bright,
+          Love's magic yields within her sphere.
+          Then through the shady grove, my love,
+          Let's wander with the cooing dove,
+          Till the starry night, to morning's light,
+          Shall break upon our wooing, love.
+          As life's young dream shall pass, my love,
+          Together let us gaily row,
+          And day by day, in sportive play,
+          Enjoy life's Meeting gloss, my love.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Cimage-0023" id="Cimage-0023">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page163.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page163th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page163" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It was on one of those warm evenings in the month of July, when scarcely a
+      zephyr played upon the wanton wave, and the red sun had sunk to rest
+      behind the Castle turrets, giving full promise of another sultry day, that
+      our little band had attracted a more than usual display of promenaders on
+      the walk extending from the Fort point to the Marine Hotel. With the
+      report of the evening gun, or, as Horace termed it, the <i>admiral's grog
+      bell</i>, we had quitted the cabin, and mustering our little party upon
+      deck, suffered the Rover to drift nearer in shore with the tide, that we
+      might enjoy the gratifying spectacle of more closely observing the young,
+      the beautiful, and the <span class="pagenum">[163]</span>accomplished <i>elegantes</i>
+      who traversed to and fro upon the beach to catch the soft whispers of the
+      saline air.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      At the Castle Causeway a boat had just landed a group of beautiful
+      children, who appeared clinging round a tall well-formed man, in a blue
+      jacket and white trowsers, resting a hand upon each of two fine boys
+      dressed in a similar style: he walked on, with a slight affection of
+      lameness, towards the Castle entrance, preceded by three lovely little
+      female fairies, who gambolled in his path like sportive zephyrs.&mdash;"There
+      moves one of the bravest men, and best of fathers, in his majesty's
+      dominions," said Horace&mdash;"the commander of the Pearl." "What," said
+      I, "the Marquis of Anglesey?" "The same&mdash;who here seeks retirement in
+      the bosom of his family, and without ostentation enjoys a pleasure, which,
+      in its pursuit, produces permanent advantage to many, and enables others,
+      his friends and relations, to participate with him in his amusements. We
+      are much indebted to the marquis for the promotion of this truly British
+      sport, who with his brothers, Sir Charles and Sir Arthur, were among the
+      first members of the Royal Yacht Club. The group of blue jackets to the
+      left, whom the marquis recognised as he passed, consist of that merry
+      fellow, Sir Godfrey Webster, who lias a noble yacht here, the Scorpion;
+      the commander of the Sabrina, James Manse, Esq. another jovial soul; the
+      two Williams's, father and son, who have both fine yachts in our roads;
+      Sir Charles Sullivan; and the Polar navigator, Captain Lyons, who has just
+      launched a beautiful little boat called the Queen Mab, with whom he means
+      to bewitch the Don Giovanni of London." "Who is that interesting female
+      leaning over the railings in front of the Gothic house, attended by a dark
+      pensive-looking swain, with a very intelligent countenance? Methinks there
+      is an air of style about the pair that speaks nobility; and yet I have
+      observed <span class="pagenum">[164]</span>they appear too fond of each
+      other's society to be fashionables." "That is the delightful Lady F. L.
+      Gower and her lord: I thought you would have recognised that star
+      instantly, from the splendid picture of her by Lawrence, which hangs in
+      the Stafford Gallery at Cleveland-house. The elegant group pacing the lawn
+      in front of the castellated mansion, on this side of Lord Gower, is the
+      amiable Countess of Craven and her family: the earl, that generous and
+      once merry-hearted soul, I lament to hear, is a victim to the gout; but it
+      is hoped a few trips on board the May-fly will restore him to health, and
+      the enjoyment of his favourite pursuit." "By my soul, Horace," said I,
+      "here comes a splendid creature, a very divinity, my boy: I' faith just
+      such a woman as might melt the heart of a corsair." "By my honour you have
+      hit the mark exactly," replied Eglantine, "for she is already the
+      corsair's bride, and Corbett feels, as he ought to do, not a little proud
+      of his good fortune. The raven-haired Graces accompanying that true son of
+      Neptune, Sir George Thomas, are daughters of the baronet, and, report
+      says, very accomplished girls. Now by all that's fascinating and charming,
+      hither comes the beautiful Miss Seymour, Mrs. Fitzherbert's <i>protégé</i>,
+      and his Majesty's little pet&mdash;an appellation I have often heard him
+      salute her by. The magnificent-looking belle by her side is a relation,
+      the charming Mrs. Seymour, acknowledged to be a star of the first
+      magnitude in female attractions. The three portly-looking gentlemen whose
+      grog-blossomed visages speak their love of the good things of this world
+      are the Admirals Scott and Hope, and that facetious of all funny senators,
+      Sir Isaac Coffin. If you are an admirer of the soft and the sentimental,
+      of the love-enkindling eye, and Madonna-like expression of countenance,
+      observe that band of Arcadian shepherdesses in speckled dresses yonder&mdash;Bristol
+      diamonds of the first and purest <span class="pagenum">[165]</span>water,
+      I assure you; and their respected father, the wealthy proprietor of
+      Miles's-court, Bristol, may well be delighted with his amiable and
+      beauteous daughters. The little dapper-looking man in the white hat yonder
+      is the liberal, good-tempered Duke of Norfolk; and the dashing <i>roué</i>
+      by his side, the legitimate heir to his title, is the Earl of Surrey,
+      whose son, the young Baron of Mowbray, follows hand in hand with Captain
+      Wollaston, an old man-of-war's man, who sails the Swallow cutter. The
+      female group assembled in front of the King's-house are the minor
+      constellations from East Cowes, and the congregated mixture of oddities
+      who grace the balconies of the Pavilion boarding-house comprise every
+      grade of society from the Oxford invalid to the retired shopkeeper, the
+      Messieurs <i>Newcomes</i> of the island." "A rich subject for a more
+      extended notice," said I, "when on some future occasion I visit Margate or
+      Brighton, where the diversity of character will be more numerous, varied,
+      and eccentric than in this sequestered spot." As the evening advanced, the
+      blue-eyed maid of heaven spread forth her silvery light across the glassy
+      surface of the deep, yielding a magic power to the soul-inspiring scene,
+      and, by reflection, doubling the objects on the sea, whose translucent
+      bosom scarcely heaved a sigh, or murmured forth a ripple on the ear; and
+      now, amid the stillness of the night, we were suddenly amused with the
+      deep-sounding notes of the key-bugle reverberating over the blue waters
+      with most harmonious effect. "We are indebted to that mad wag, Ricketts,
+      for this unexpected pleasure," said Horace; "he is an amateur performer of
+      no mean talent, and delights in surprising the visitors in this agreeable
+      manner." "Rover, a-hoy," hailed a voice from the shore; off went our boat,
+      and on its return brought an accession to our party of half a dozen right
+      merry fellows, among whom was that choice spirit, Henry Day, whose
+      facetious powers of oratory and whim are <span class="pagenum">[166]</span>universally
+      esteemed, and have often afforded us amusement, when enjoying an evening
+      among the eccentrics of London and the brilliants of the press, who
+      assemble for social purposes at the Wrekin. The Days are too well known
+      and respected as a family of long standing in the island to require the
+      eulogy of the English Spy, but to acknowledge their hospitality and
+      kindness he penned the following tribute ere he quitted the shores of
+      Vectis.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          LOVE, LAW, AND PHYSIC.
+
+          In Vectis' Isle three happy Days
+          By any may be seen:
+          First, James, who loves by social ways
+          To animate mirth's scene;
+          An honest lawyer, Henry, next
+          With speech and bottle plies you;
+          And when by fell disease perplex'd,
+          Charles physics and revives you.
+          "Love, law, and physic," here combine
+          To claim the poet's praise:
+          May fortune's sunbeams ever shine
+          On three such worthy Days.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      A few more songs and a few more grogs brought on the hour of ten; and now
+      our friends having departed to their homes, Horace and myself took a turn
+      or two upon deck, smoked out our cigars, conjured up the reminiscences of
+      our school-boy days, and having spent a few moments in admiration of the
+      starry canopy which spread its spangled brightness over our heads, we
+      sought again the cabin, drank a parting glass to old friends, turned into
+      our births, and soon were cradled by the motion of the vessel into sweet
+      repose. The events of the former evening, the novelty of the scene, and,
+      above all, the magnificence of Nature, as she appeared when viewed from
+      sea, in her diurnal progress through the transition <span class="pagenum">[167]</span>of
+      morning, noon, and night, all inspired my Muse to attempt poetic sketches
+      of the character of the surrounding island scenery. A delightful pleasure
+      I have endeavoured to convey to my readers in the following rhymes.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          MORNING IN  THE  ISLE  OF  WIGHT.
+
+          When o'er the foreland glimmering day
+          Just breaks above the eastern lulls,
+          And streaks of gold through misty gray
+          Dispels night's dark and vap'rous chills;
+          Then, when the landsman 'gins to mow
+          The perfumed crop on grounds above,
+          And sailors chant the "yeo, heave yeo,"
+          Then young hearts wake to life and love.
+          When still and slow the murmuring swell
+          Of ocean, rising from his throne,
+          O'erleaps the beach, and matin's bell
+          To prayer invites the college drone;
+          Then, when the pennant floats on high,
+          And anchor's weigh'd again to rove,
+          And tuneful larks ascend the sky,
+          Then young hearts wake to life and love.
+          When, by unerring nature's power,
+          Creation breaks the spell of night,
+          And plants their leaves expand and flow'r,
+          And all around breathes gay delight;
+          Then when the herdsman opes his fold
+          To let the merry lambkin rove,
+          And distant hills are tipt with gold,
+          Then young hearts wake to life and love,
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[168]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          NOON IN  THE  ISLE  OF  WIGHT.
+
+          When toiling 'neath meridian sun
+          The boatman plies the lab'ring oar,
+          And sportive nymphs the margin shun
+          Of ocean's pebble-parched shore;
+          Then when beneath some shadowy cliff,
+          O'er-hanging wood, or leafy vale,
+          The trav'ller rests, haul'd up the skiff,
+          Then lovers breathe their am'rous tale.
+          When Nature, languid, seems to rest,
+          Nor moves a leaf, or heaves a wave,
+          And Zephyrs sleep, by Sol caress'd,
+          And sportive swallows skim the lave;
+          Then, when by early toil oppress'd,
+          The peasant seeks the glen or dale,
+          Enjoys his frugal meal and rest,
+          Then lovers breathe their am'rous tale.
+          When close beneath the forest's pride
+          The upland's group of cattle throng,
+          And sultry heat dissevers wide
+          The feather'd host of tuneful song;
+          Then when a still, dead, settled calm
+          O'er earth, and air, and sea prevail,
+          And lull'd is ev'ry spicy balm,
+          Then lovers breathe their am'rous tale.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[169]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          EVENING IN  THE  ISLE  OF  WIGHT.
+
+          When twilight tints with sober gray
+          The distant hills, and o'er the wave
+          The mellow glow of parting day
+          Crimsons the shipwreck'd sailor's grave;
+          Then when the sea-bird seeks the mast,
+          And signal lights illume the tower,
+          And sails are furl'd, and anchors cast,
+          Then, then is love's delicious hour.
+          When o'er the beach the rippling wave
+          Breaks gently, heaving to and fro,
+          Like maiden bosoms, ere the knave
+          Of hearts has ting'd their cheek with woe;
+          Then, when the watch their vigils keep,
+          And grog, and song, and jest have power
+          To laugh to scorn the peril'd deep,
+          Then, then is love's delicious hour.
+          When Cynthia sheds her mystic light
+          In silv'ry circles o'er the main;
+          And Hecate spreads her veil of night
+          O'er hearts that ne'er may meet again;
+          Then, Anna, blest with thee, I stray
+          'Mid scenes of bliss&mdash;through nature's bower;
+          While eve's star guides us on our way,
+          Then, then is love's delicious hour.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      It has often been observed by inquisitive travellers, that in most of our
+      country villages not only the three best houses are inhabited by the
+      lawyer, the parson, and the doctor, but three-fourths of the whole
+      property of the place is generally monopolized by the same disinterested
+      triumvirate: however true the satire <span class="pagenum">[170]</span>may
+      be in a general sense, it certainly does not apply to Cowes, where the
+      liberal professions are really practised by liberal minds, and where the
+      desire to do good outweighs the desire to grow rich. But the good people
+      of Cowes are not without their nabobs; for instance, the eastern shores of
+      the river are under the dominion of Lord Henry Seymour and Mr. Nash, who
+      there rule over their humble tenantry with mild paternal sway. On the
+      western side, the absolute lords of the soil are Messrs. Bennett and Ward:
+      the first, like other great landed proprietors, almost always an absentee;
+      and the last somewhat greedy to grapple at every thing within his reach.
+      "Who does that fine park and mansion belong to?" said a stranger,
+      surveying Northwood from the summit of the hill. "King George," replied
+      the islander. "And who owns the steam-boats, which I now see arriving?"
+      "King George," reiterated the fellow. "And who is the largest proprietor
+      of the surrounding country?" "King George." "Indeed!" said the stranger,
+      "I was not aware that the crown lands were so extensive in the Wight. Have
+      you much game?" "Ees, ees." "And who is the lord of the manor?" "King
+      George." "And these new roads I see forming, are they also done by King
+      George?" "Ees, ees, he ought to gi' us a few new ones, I think; bekase Ize
+      zure he's stopped up enou of our old ones." "What, by some new inclosure
+      act, I suppose?" "Naye, naye, by some old foreclosure acts, I expect."
+      "Why, you do not mean to say that our gracious sovereign is a money-lender
+      and mortgagee?" "No; but our ungracious king be the', and a money-maker
+      too." "Fellow, take care; you are committing treason against the Lord's
+      anointed." "Ees, ees, he be a 'nointed one, zure enou," retorted the
+      fellow, laughing outright in the traveller's face. "Sirrah," said the
+      offended stranger, "I shall have you taken before a justice." "Ees, ees,
+      Ize heard o' them ere chaps at East Cowes, but Ize <span class="pagenum">[171]</span>not
+      much respect for 'em." "Not care for the magistrate!" "Lord love you,&mdash;you
+      be one of the Mr. Newcome, Ize warrant me; why, we've gotten no zuch
+      animal here, nothing o' sort nearer as Newport; and lawyer Day can
+      out-talk the best of them there, whenever he likes." "There must be some
+      mistake here," said the stranger, cooling a little of his choler: "did you
+      not tell me, fellow, that the king of England owned all the land here, and
+      the steam-boats, and the manor, and the town, and the people, and&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-."
+      "Hold, hold thee there," said the islander; "I said, King George; and here
+      he comes, in his four-wheeled calabash, and before he undertakes to give
+      us any more new roads, I wish he'd set about mending his own queer ways"
+      However strong the current of prejudice may run against Squire Ward in the
+      island, among a few of the less wealthy residents, it must be admitted,
+      that he is hospitable even to a proverb, a sincere and persevering friend,
+      and a liberal master to his tenantry: the Christmas festivities at
+      Northwood, when the poor are plentifully regaled with excellent cheer,
+      smacks of a good old English custom, that shall confer upon the donor
+      lasting praise, and hand down his name to posterity with better chance of
+      grateful remembrance than all his mine of wealth can purchase; there are
+      some well authenticated anecdotes in circulation of George Ward, which
+      prove that he has, with all his eccentricities,
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     "A tear for pity, and a hand, open as day, to melting charity."
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+To his enterprising spirit Cowes is indebted for much of its present
+popularity, the facility of travelling to and from the island being
+greatly aided by the steamboats (his property) from Portsmouth and
+Southampton; but much yet remains to be done by the inhabitants
+themselves, if they wish to secure their present high partronage, and
+increase with succeeding seasons the number of their visitors. The
+promenade, admirably situate for the enjoyment of the sea <span class="pagenum">[172]</span>breeze,
+and the delightful spectacle of a picturesque harbour filled with
+a forest of beautiful pleasure yachts, is of an evening generally
+obstructed by the assemblage of a juvenile band of both sexes, of
+the very lowest description, who render it utterly impossible for the
+delicate ear of female propriety to hazard coming in contact with their
+boisterous vulgarities. The beautiful walk round the Castle battery
+is wholly usurped by this congregated mass of rabble; and yet the
+appointment of a peace-officer, a useful animal I never once saw at
+Cowes, would remove the objection, and preserve a right of way and
+good order among the crowd that would at least render it safe, if not
+pleasant, to traverse the extended shore. The visit of their royal
+highnesses the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge to John Nash, Esq. the
+eminent architect, at East Cowes Castle, gave a new lustre to the
+enchanting scene, and afforded the English Spy a favourable opportunity
+for completing his sketches of the scenery and character of the island.
+Among the festivities which the presence of the royal visitors gave
+birth to, the most attractive and delightful was the grand <i>déjeuné a la
+fourchette</i>, given at St. Lawrence by the commodore of the Yacht Club,
+the Right Honourable Lord Yarborough. The invitations to meet the royal
+party were very general, including all of note and respectability on the
+island, and extending to the number of six hundred persons, for whom
+a most liberal and princely banquet was prepared upon the lawn of a
+delightful cottage, near his seat of Appuldurcombe. The spot selected
+for this entertainment was situated under a bold line of cliffs,
+extending in a semicircular form for above a mile in length, and
+inclosing one of the most romantic of nature's variegated scenes,
+abounding with hill, and dale, and rich umbrageous foliage, delightfully
+increased by the inspiring freshness of the sea breeze, and the unbroken
+view of the Channel in front, and <span class="pagenum">[173]</span>rendered still more attractive
+and picturesque by the numerous tents and temporary pavilions which had
+been erected for the accommodation of the visitors, spreading over
+a line of ground like an encampment in the Pyrenees, a similitude of
+feature that was more powerfully increased when the well-concerted echo
+of the signal bugles resounded from hill to hill, and the cannon's loud
+report, from the battery beneath, reverberating through the surrounding
+hill and dale, proclaimed for many a mile the gladsome tidings of the
+approach of royalty. The scene was, beyond description, magnificent;
+the assemblage of fashionables included a long list of noble and
+distinguished persons, who, on the approach of the duke and duchess,
+congregated upon an eminence, immediately opposite the entrance to the
+lawn, and by their loyal cheers, and smiles, and birthday suits, gave
+honest welcome to their monarch's brother, and in the fulness of their
+hearty zeal, paid a grateful tribute to their absent king. The ungenial
+state of the morning's weather had prevented many of the yachts from
+coming round, but a few jolly hearts had weathered the Needles, and
+displayed their loyalty by decorating their vessels with all the colours
+of all the nations of the world. At an appointed signal the tents were
+thrown open, and the royal party having retired to the pavilion, the
+company sat down to an entertainment, where a profusion of choice wines
+and viands covered the extended line; then commenced the interchange of
+bright eyes and soft sayings, and the rosy blush of maiden beauty tinged
+the cheek of many a sylphic form as the accomplished beau challenged the
+fair to wine with him, and many a heart from that day's sportive scene
+shall date the first impression of the soveieign passion which blends
+with life's red current all of happiness or misery here below. The
+repast over, the company again met the royal party and promenaded on
+the lawn, and while thus <span class="pagenum">[174]</span>engaged, a new delight was prepared for
+them&mdash;a scene not less congenial than peculiar to the English character,
+and one which may well uplift that honest pride of country which ever
+animates a Briton's heart. The tables being again replenished, the
+peasantry of the surrounding districts were admitted and regaled with
+unrestricted hospitality.
+
+          And round the gay board cheerful Industry shone,
+          In a pureness and brightness to wealth oft unknown;
+          'Twas a feast where a monarch might wish to preside,
+          For the cottager's comfort's his country's pride;
+          And Benevolence smiled on the heart-moving scene,
+          And music and beauty enlivened the green,
+          While the labourer, gratefully raising the glass,
+          Gave his king, then his donor, his dame, and his lass.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      The commodore's liberality is proverbial; he had sold his old yacht, the
+      Falcon, and the new vessel was not likely to be launched this season, yet
+      he would not forego the pleasure of a grand fête, and as it could not be
+      given on board his own ship, according to annual custom, he seized upon
+      this opportunity of the royal visit to unite Loyalty and Friendship under
+      one banner, and it must be recorded, that he displayed an excellence of
+      arrangement which left no wish ungratified. An excursion round the island,
+      sailing in a westerly direction, is one of most delightful amusement to a
+      lover of the picturesque; the circuit is nearly eighty miles, every where
+      presenting new features of the most beautiful variety and romantic
+      scenery, a voyage we made in the Rover in about eight hours. Clearing
+      Sconce Point, which is the first object worthy notice from Cowes, you
+      perceive the cottage, battery, and residence of Captain Farrington on the
+      rise of the hill, and beyond are Gurnet and Harness Bays closely
+      succeeding one another, the shores above being well diversified with
+      foliage and richly cultivated grounds. From this station the coast
+      gradually sinks towards Newtown River, where the luxuriant woods of
+      Swainton are perceived rising in the distance, crowned by <span
+      class="pagenum">[175]</span>Shalfleet church and a rich country as far as
+      Calbourne, the landscape bounded by a range of downs which stretch to the
+      extremity of the island. The coast at Hamsted, the farm estate of John
+      Nash, Esq. presents a very bold outline, and approaching Yarmouth, which
+      has all the appearance of an ancient French fort, the view of the opposite
+      point, called Norton, is very picturesque, presenting a well-wooded
+      promontory, adorned with numerous elegant residences; from this spot the
+      coast begins to assume a very bold, but sterile aspect, composed of steep
+      rugged slopes, and dull-coloured earthy cliffs, till the attention of the
+      voyager is suddenly arrested by the first view of the Needle rocks,
+      situate at the termination of a noble promontory called Freshwater cliffs,
+      which extend along a line of nearly three miles, and at a part called
+      Mainbench are six hundred feet above the sea level, in some places
+      perpendicular, and in others overhanging the ocean in a most terrific
+      manner; at the extreme point, or Needles, is the light-house, where the
+      view of the bays and cliffs beneath is beyond description awfully sublime,
+      and the precipices being covered with myriads of sea-fowl of all
+      description, who breed in the crannies of the rocks, if called into action
+      by the report of a gun fill the air with screams and cries of most
+      appalling import; the grandeur of the scene being much increased by the
+      singularly majestic appearance of the Needle rocks, rearing their craggy
+      heads above the ocean, and giving an awful impression of the storms and
+      convulsions which must have shaken and devoured this once enormous mass.
+      Their present form bears no resemblance to their name, which was derived
+      from a spiral rock, about one hundred and twenty feet high, that fell in
+      the year 1764, and left the present fragments of its grandeur to moulder
+      away, like the base of some proud column of antiquity. On the opposite
+      coast is Hurst Castle, a circular fort, built by Henry <span
+      class="pagenum">[176]</span>the Eighth; and on the north side of the
+      promontory is Alum Bay, the most beautiful and unique feature of the sea
+      cliffs of Albion. For about a quarter of a mile from the Needles the
+      precipice is one entire glare of white chalk, which curves round to, and
+      is joined by a most extraordinary mixture of vertical strata, composed of
+      coloured sands and ocherous earths blending into every variety of tint,
+      and so vivid and beautiful in colour, that they have been not unfrequently
+      compared to the prismatic hues of the rainbow. It was on this spot the
+      Fomone, a frigate of fifty guns, returning home, after an absence of three
+      years, with some Persian princes on board, in June, 1811, struck upon the
+      rocks and went to pieces: the appearance of a wreck, in such an
+      extraordinary situation, must have formed a combination of grand materials
+      for the painter, that would be truly sublime. At Saint Catherine's, in the
+      cliffs, is the gloomy ravine called Blackgang Chine, which should be
+      visited by the traveller at sunset, when the depth of shade materially
+      increases the savage grandeur of its stupendous and terrific effect.
+      Tradition reports, that the awful chasm beneath was formerly the retreat
+      of a gang of pirates, from which it derived its name. The total absence of
+      vegetation, and the dusky hue of the soil, combined with the obvious
+      appearance of constant decay, the dismembered fragments, and the streamlet
+      to which it owes its origin, falling perpendicularly over a ledge of hard
+      rock from above seventy feet high, producing a wild echo in the cavity
+      beneath, all conspire to render it the most striking and astonishing of
+      Nature's wildest works. The view off the Sand Rock presents the tasteful
+      marine villas of Sir Willoughby Gordon and Mrs. Arnold, whose
+      well-cultivated grounds and rich plantations reach down to the sea shore.
+      Saint Lawrence brings to view the romantic cottage of Lord Yarborough,
+      succeeded by Steep Hill, the lovely retreat of the late Earl Dysart; <span
+      class="pagenum">[177]</span>the romantic flank of Saint Boniface Down, and
+      in the distance the fairy land of Bonchurch, whose enchanting prospects
+      and picturesque scenery have so often called forth the varied powers of
+      the painter and the poet, where sportive nature, clothed in her gayest
+      vest, presents a diversified landscape, abounding with all the delightful
+      combinations of rural scenery, of rich groves, and dells, and meads of
+      green, and rocks, and rising grounds; streams edged with osiers, and the
+      lowing herd spread over the luxuriant land. As you approach East End, you
+      perceive an extensive scene of devastation, caused by the frequent
+      landslips near to Luccombe Chine, and the romantic chasm of Shanklin, from
+      which spot Sandown comes next in view, and sailing under the towering
+      Culver cliffs we arrive at the eastern extremity of the island. At
+      Bimbridge a very dangerous ledge spreads out into the sea, and gaining
+      Brading Haven the old church tower of Saint Helen's proclaims you are fast
+      gaining upon that delightful watering-place, the town of Ryde, whose
+      picturesque pier, shooting forth into the ocean, and covered with groups
+      of elegant visitors, forms an object of the most pleasing description.
+      From this point the whole line of coast to Cowes wears a rich and
+      highly-cultivated appearance, being divided into wood, arable, and pasture
+      lands, diversified by the villas of Earl Spencer, Mr. G. Player, and Mr.
+      Fleming, when, having passed Wooten Creek, the next object is Norris
+      Castle; and now, having cleared the point, you are once more landed in
+      safety at the Vine Key, and my old friend, Mrs. Harrington, whose pleasant
+      countenance, obliging manners, and good accommodation, are the universal
+      theme of every traveller's praise, has already made her best curtsy to
+      welcome you back to Cowes.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The regatta was, indeed, a glorious scene, when the harbour was literally
+      filled with a forest of masts and streamers, the vessels of the Royal
+      Yacht <span class="pagenum">[178]</span>Club spread forth their milk white
+      canvas to the gale, many of those who were riding at anchor being
+      decorated from head to stem, over-mast, with the signal colours of most of
+      the squadron and the ensigns of the different nations. On the shore, and
+      round the castle battery, the congregated groups of lovely females
+      traversed to and fro, and the witchery of blight eyes and beauteous faces
+      upon the manly hearts of the sons of Neptune must have been magically
+      triumphant. The Pearl beat the Arrow, and the Julia the Liberty,&mdash;thus
+      equalizing the victory between the contending parties. The procession of
+      the pilot boats, about forty in number, was a very animated scene; and in
+      the sailing match of the succeeding day, our little craft, the Rover, came
+      in second, and received the awarded prize. The race ball at East Cowes
+      gave the young and fair another opportunity of riveting their suitors'
+      chains, and the revels of Terpsichore were kept up with spirit until the
+      streaking blush of golden morn shone through the dusky veil which Hecate
+      spreads around the couch of drowsy night. But the day of parting was at
+      hand; the last amusement of the time was a match made between Captain Lyon
+      and a Mr. Davey, of London, to sail their respective yachts, the Queen Mab
+      and the Don Giovanni, upon the challenge of the last mentioned, a
+      stipulated distance, for a sum of two hundred guineas&mdash;an affair
+      which did not, to use a sporting phrase, <i>come off well</i>, for the Don
+      most ungallantly refused to meet his fair opponent; and being wofully
+      depressed in spirits, either from apprehension of defeat, or sea sickness,
+      or some such fresh water fears, the little Queen was compelled to sail
+      over the course alone to claim the reward of her victory.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      And now the sports of the season being brought to a conclusion, and the
+      rough note of old Boreas and the angry groanings of Father Neptune giving
+      token of approaching storms, I bade farewell to Vectis, my <span
+      class="pagenum">[179]</span>friend Horace transporting me in his yacht to
+      Southampton Water. Reader, if I should appear somewhat prolix in my
+      descriptions, take a tour yourself to the island, visit the delightful
+      scenery with which it abounds, participate in the aquatic excursions of
+      the place, and meet, as I have done, with social friends, and kind hearts,
+      and lovely forms, and your own delightful feelings will be my excuse for
+      extending my notice somewhat beyond my usual sketchy style.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+         FAREWELL TO VECTIS.
+
+         Blest isle, fare thee well! land of pleasure and peace,
+         May the beaux and the belles on thy shores still increase:
+         How oft shall my spirit, by absence opprest,
+         Revisit thy scenes, and in fancy be blest,
+         In the magic of slumber still sport on thy wave,
+         And dream of delights that I waken to crave.
+         Farewell, merry hearts! fare ye well, social friends!
+         Adieu! see the Rover her canvas unbends;
+         Land of all that is lovely for painting or verse,
+         Farewell! ere in distance thy beauties disperse,
+         Now Calshot is passed, now receding from view,
+         Once more, happy Vectis, a long, last adieu.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Cimage-0024" id="Cimage-0024">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page179.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page179 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Clink2H_4_0016" id="Clink2H_4_0016">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      PORTSMOUTH IN TIME OF PEACE.
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      <span class="pagenum">[180]</span>
+    </h3>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Where now are the frolicsome care-killing souls,
+          With their girls and their fiddlers, their dances and bowls?
+          Where now are the blue jackets, once on our shore
+          The promoters of merriment, spending their store?
+          Where now are our tars in these dull piping times?
+          Laid up like old hulks, or enlisted in climes
+          Where the struggle for liberty calls on the brave,
+          The Peruvians, the Greeks, or Brazilians to save
+          From the yoke of oppression&mdash;there, Britons are found
+          Dealing death and destruction to tyrants around;
+          For wherever our tars rear the banner of fame,
+          They are still the victorious sons of the main.
+
+     A Trip to Portsmouth on board the Medina Steam-Boat&mdash;The
+     Change from War to Peace&mdash;Its Consequences&mdash;The Portsmouth
+     Greys&mdash;The Man of War's Man&mdash;Tom Tackle and his Shipmate&mdash;
+     Lamentation of a Tar&mdash;The Hero Cochrane&mdash;An old
+     Acquaintance&mdash;Reminiscences of the past&mdash;Sketches of Point-
+     Street and Gosport Beach&mdash;Naval Anecdotes&mdash;"A Man's like a
+     Ship on the Ocean of Life."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      "Bear a hand, old fellow!" said Horace Eglantine one morning, coming down
+      the companion hatchway of the Rover: "if you have any mind for a
+      land-cruise, let us make Portsmouth to-day on board the steamer, while our
+      yacht goes up the harbour to get her copper polished and her rigging
+      overhauled." In earlier days, while yet the light-heartedness of youth
+      <span class="pagenum">[181]</span>and active curiosity excited my boyish
+      spirit, I had visited Portsmouth, and the recollection of the scenes I
+      then witnessed was still fresh upon my memory. The olive-branch of peace
+      now waved over the land of my fathers; and while the internal state of the
+      country, benefited by its healing balm, flourished, revived, invigorated
+      and prosperous, Portsmouth and Gosport, and such like sea-ports, were
+      almost deserted, and the active bustle and variety which but now reigned
+      among their inhabitants had given way to desolation and abandonment: at
+      least such was the account I had received from recent visitors. I was,
+      therefore, anxious from observation to compare the present with the past;
+      and, with this view, readily met the invitation of my friend Horace
+      Eglantine. The voyage from Cowes to Portsmouth on board the steam-boat,
+      performed, as it now is, with certainty, in about an hour and a half, is a
+      delightful excursion; and the appearance of the entrance to the harbour
+      from sea, a most picturesque and imposing scene. The fortifications, which
+      are considered the most complete in the world, stretching from east to
+      west, on either side command the sea far as the cannons' power can reach.
+      Nor is the harbour less attractive, flanked on each side by the towns of
+      Gosport and Portsmouth, and filled with every description of vessel from
+      the flag-ship of England's immortal hero, Nelson, which is here moored in
+      the centre, a monument of past glory, to the small craft of the trader,
+      and the more humble ferry-boat of the incessant applicant, who plys the
+      passenger with his eternal note of "Common Hard, your honour."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      One of my companions on board the Medina was an old man of war's man,
+      whose visage, something of the colour and hardness of dried salmon,
+      sufficiently indicated that the possessor had weathered many a trying
+      gale, and was familiar with all the vicissitudes of the mighty deep. With
+      the habitual roughness of <span class="pagenum">[182]</span>his manners
+      was combined a singular degree of intelligence, and he evinced a
+      disposition to be communicative, of which I found it very agreeable to
+      avail myself. On approaching the harbour, my attention was arrested by the
+      sight of a number of boats rowed by men arrayed in a grotesque uniform of
+      speckled jackets, whose freights, to judge from appearances, must have
+      been of no common weight, as the rowers seemed compelled to use a degree
+      of exertion little inferior to that employed by galley-slaves. I inquired
+      of my nautical Mentor who these men were, and in what description of
+      service they were occupied. "Them, master," replied he, releasing the quid
+      from his mouth, and looking with his weather-eye unutterable things; "they
+      are the <i>Portsmouth Greys</i>." My countenance spoke plainly enough that
+      this reply had by no means made me <i>au fait</i> to the subject of my
+      question, and my informant accordingly proceeded&mdash;"Shiver my timbers,
+      mate, they are as rum a set, them boat's crews, as ever pulled an oar&mdash;chaps
+      as the public keeps out of their own pocket for the public good; and it's
+      been but just a slip, as one may say, between the cup and the lip, as has
+      saved a good many on 'em from being run up to the yard-arm. Some on 'em
+      forgot to return things as they <i>found</i> rather too easy, and some,
+      instead of writing their own name, <i>by mistake</i> wrote somebody's
+      else's; so government sent 'em here, at its own charge, to finish their <i>edication</i>.
+      You see the <i>floating academy</i> as is kept a purpose for 'em," said
+      he, pointing to the receiving-hulk for the convicts at this station, which
+      was lying in the harbour: "them as is rowing in the boats," added the
+      talkative seaman, "has been a getting stones, and ballast, and such like,
+      for the repairs of the harbour; they does all the rough and dirty jobs as
+      is to be done about the works and place&mdash;indeed, we calls 'em the <i>Port
+      Admiral's skippers</i>." I now fully understood the import of the term <i>Portsmouth
+      Greys</i>, which had before been an enigma to <span class="pagenum">[183]</span>me;
+      and comprehended that the unhappy beings before me were of
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          The ill-fated children of suff'ring and sin,
+          With conscience reproaching and sorrow within;
+          Bosoms that mis'ry and guilt could not sever,
+          Hearts that were blighted and broken for ever:
+          Where each, to some vice or vile passion a slave,
+          Shared the wreck of the mind, and the spirit's young grave.
+          Whose brief hist'ry of life, ere attain'd to its prime,
+          Unfolded a volume of madness and crime,
+          Such as leaves on the forehead of manhood a stain
+          Which tears over shed seek to blot out in vain;
+          A stain which as long as existence will last,
+          Embitt'ring the future with thoughts of the past.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      I might have indulged much longer in these reflections, but my musing mood
+      was interrupted by the Medina reaching her destination, and we disembarked
+      safely at Portsmouth Point.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Cimage-0025" id="Cimage-0025">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page184.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page184th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page184" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      On landing, the worthy veteran, who had, by his confabulation during the
+      voyage, claimed, in his own opinion, a right of becoming my companion for
+      a time, a privilege which, in such a scene, and at such a place, it will
+      easily be believed I was not averse from granting him, proceeded along
+      with me <i>carpere iter comités parati</i>, up Point Street, and at one of
+      the turnings my friend made a sudden stop. "My eyes!" he exclaimed, "may I
+      perish, but that is my old messmate, Tom Tackle. Many's the can of flip
+      we've scuttled while on board the <i>Leander</i> frigate together; and
+      when we were obliged to part convoy and go on board different ships, there
+      was above a little matter of brine about both our eyes." At this moment
+      Tom Tackle came up with us: the warmth of affection with which his old
+      shipmate had spoken of him had interested me not a little in his favour,
+      and his mutilated frame spoke volumes in behalf of the gallantry he had
+      displayed in the service of his country. One eye was entirely <span
+      class="pagenum">[184]</span>lost; one coat-sleeve hung armless by his
+      side; and one vanished leg had its place superseded by a wooden
+      substitute. I gazed upon the "unfortunate brave" with mingled pity and
+      veneration; yet, so true is the observation of the ancient,
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "<i>Res sunt humanæ flobilo ludibrium</i>"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      That is, human feelings and affairs are a singular compound of the
+      ludicrous and the lamentable, that I could not avoid giving way to my
+      mercurial disposition, and congratulating my fellow-voyager on the ease
+      with which he had recognized his old comrade by his present remaining
+      half. "Lord help your honour!" said he, "a seaman's weather-gauge is made
+      for squalls&mdash;foul weather or fair&mdash;in stays or out of trim&mdash;sailing
+      all right before the wind, or coming up under jury-masts; he's no tar that
+      cannot make out an old friend at a cable's length, and bring to without
+      waiting for signals of distress. Shiver my timbers, if I should not know
+      my old messmate here while there's a timber rib left in his hulk, or a
+      shoulder-boom to hang a blue jacket on. But, my toplights, Tom!" continued
+      he, "where's all the girls, and the tiddlers, and the Jews, and
+      bumboat-women that used to crowd all sail to pick up a spare hand ashore?
+      Not a shark have I seen in the harbour, and all the old grog-shops with
+      their foul-weather battens up and colours half-mast." "All in mourning for
+      Mr. Nap, shipmate," said Tom; "we've had no fun here since they cooped him
+      up on board the Bellerophon, and stowed him away at St. Helena. All the
+      Jews have cut and run, and all the bumboat-women retired upon their
+      fortunes; the poor landlords are most of them in the bilboes at
+      Winchester: and as for a pretty girl&mdash;whew!&mdash;not such an article
+      to be had at Point now, either for love or money: and all this comes of
+      the peace&mdash;shiver my odd forelight! mate, if it lasts much longer, it
+      will be the ruin of the navy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[185]</span>How I long to hear the sound of the
+      boatswain's whistle once more! 'Up hammocks, boys&mdash;clear the decks,
+      and prepare for action! 'that's the way to live and be merry; then the
+      music of a good broadside pouring into an enemy's under-works, and cutting
+      her slap in two between wind and water&mdash;that's glory, my christian!
+      May I never taste grog again, if we are not all ruined by the peace.
+      There's only one fighting fellow left of the old stock of commanders, and
+      they have turned him out of the navy lest he should infect the
+      psalm-singers. Look out a-head there, shipmate; d'ye see that fine
+      frigate, the Peranga, now lying oft' Spithead, and can you ever forget
+      Basque Roads and the gallant Cochrane? I just got a glimpse of his figure
+      head t'other morning, coming up Point here; so I hauled to and threw my
+      shattered hulk slap across his headway, lowering my top-gallants as I
+      passed round under his bows. 'Officer,' said he, 'you and I should know
+      one another, methinks.' 'Success attend your honour,' said I; 'do you
+      remember your master-gunner when you captured the Spanish galleon, who
+      carried away a spar or two in the action?' 'What, Tom Tackier said he:
+      'Heaven help thee, lad! I'd give the bounty of a good boat's crew if I
+      could put you into sailing-trim and commission again; but here, officer,
+      is something to drink to old acquaintance with, and if you can find your
+      way on board the Peranga to-morrow, I'll take care they don't throw you
+      over the ship's side before you have had a skinfull of grog: 'so seizing
+      fast hold of my single tin with both his grappling-irons, I thought he
+      would have shook it out of the goose-neck at parting; and when I went on
+      board next day, he treated me like a port-admiral, and sent me on shore
+      with every cranny well-filled, from my beef-tub to my grog-bucket, and put
+      a little more of the right sort o' stuff" in my jacket pockets to pay
+      harbour dues with. That's the commander for me! And now I hear, after
+      having taken <span class="pagenum">[186]</span>and destroyed all the
+      Spanish king's navy, he's off to give the Grand Signor a taste of his
+      quality. My forelights! how I should like to see him with his double rows
+      of grinders wide open, bearing down upon a whole fleet of Mussulmen&mdash;there'd
+      be weeping, and wailing, and gnashing o' teeth among the Turks! I wouldn't
+      give my wooden pin for the whole of the Grand Sultan's flotilla. But come,
+      shipmate, may I never want 'bacca, if we don't drink his health, and that
+      'ere gemman you've taken in tow shall join us, if he likes." I was too
+      much amused to desire to part company just yet, and the good-humoured tars
+      perceiving my bent, linked themselves to each arm, and in this way,
+      laughing at the curiosity we provoked, did our party reach the middle of
+      Point-street, and brought ourselves to anchor under the head of old
+      Admiral Benbow, where Tom assured us we should be supplied with the best
+      of grog and ship-stores of the first quality. Horace had proceeded to
+      escort some ladies, whom he met with on board the steamboat, to the house
+      of a friend in the High-street, where I had appointed to meet him in the
+      space of an hour. Sitting myself down therefore with my two jovial
+      associates, I determined to humour the frolic which had brought me into
+      the society of such eccentric characters. "Shiver my timbers! Jem," said
+      the one-legged mariner, "but you never make any inquiries after Betsy
+      Bluff, among your other old friends. It's true, the wench has got spliced
+      again, to be sure; but then, you know, she waited three years, and had the
+      log-books overhauled first." "Ay, ay, Tom, so they say she did; but I
+      never believed 'em: howsomedever, that wasn't the worst of it; for having
+      got my will and my power in her possession, she drew all my pay and
+      prize-money, and when at last I got home from an enemy's keeping, I had
+      not a shot left in the locker to keep myself. But the mischief did not end
+      even there, for she disgraced me, <span class="pagenum">[187]</span>and
+      the British flag, by marrying a half-starved tailor, and setting him up in
+      the Sally port with the money that I had been fighting the enemies of my
+      country for. May I never get groggy again, if I couldn't have forgiven her
+      freely if she'd taken some honest-hearted fellow, like yourself, in tow,
+      who had got disabled in the service, or consorted with a true man of war's
+      man, all right and tight; but to go and lash herself alongside of such a
+      crazy land lubber as this ninth degree of manhood&mdash;may I never taste
+      'bacca again if Bet's conduct is bearable! She's no wife of mine, Tom; and
+      when I go to pieces, a wreck in this world, may I be bolted into old
+      Belzy's caboose if she shall be a copper fastening the better for Jem
+      Buntline!" During the recital of this story the countenance of the old tar
+      assumed a fiery glow of honest indignation, and when he had finished the
+      tale, his fore lights gave evident signs that his heart had been long
+      beating about in stormy restlessness at the remembrance of his wife's
+      unfaithfulness. "Cheer up, messmate," said Tom; "I see how the land lies.
+      Come, fill your pipe, and I'll sing you the old stave I used to chant on
+      Saturday nights, when we messed together on board the Leander.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          A man's like a ship on the ocean of life,
+          The sport both of fair and foul weather,
+          Where storms of misfortune, and quicksands of strife,
+          And clouds of adversity gather.
+          If he steers by the compass of honour, he'll find,
+          No matter what latitude meets him,
+          A welcome in every port to his mind,
+          And a friend ever ready to greet him.
+          If love takes the helm in an amorous gale,
+          Of the rocks of deception beware,
+          Steer fairly for port, and let reason prevail,
+          And you're thus sure to conquer the fair.
+          For the Bay of Deceit keep a steady look out,
+          Steer clear of the shoals of distress,
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[188]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Yet ever be ready to tack and about
+          When the black waves of misery press.
+          Like a vessel, digest out in all colours, d'ye see,
+          Are the virtues and vices of life:
+          Blue and red are the symbols of friendship and glee,
+          White and black of ill-humour and strife.
+          True worth, like true honour, is born of no clime,
+          But known by true courage and feeling,
+          Where power and pity in unison chime,
+          And the heart is above double dealing."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Cimage-0026" id="Cimage-0026">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page189.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page189th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page189" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Ay, Tom, now you're on the right tack&mdash;a good song, and a jovial
+      friend, and let the marines blubber about love and lullaby, it'll never do
+      for the sailors. As we are overhauling old friends, do you remember
+      Charley Capstan, the coxswain's mate of the Leander V "Shiver my timbers,
+      but I do; and a bit of tough yarn he was, too: hard as old junk without,
+      and soft as captain's coop meat within. Wasn't I one of the crew that
+      convoyed him up this very street when returning from a cruise off the
+      Straits, we heard that Charley's old uncle had slipt his cable, and left
+      him cash enough to buy out and build a ship of his own? That was a gala,
+      messmate! There was Charley, a little fat porpoise, as round as a
+      nine-pounder, mounted on an eighteen gallon cask of the real Jamaica,
+      lashed to a couple of oars, and riding astride, on his messmates'
+      shoulders, up to the Point. Then such a jolly boat's crew attended him,
+      rigged out with bran new slops, and shiners on their topmasts, with the
+      Leander painted in front, and half a dozen fiddlers scraping away 'Jack's
+      alive,' and all the girls decked out in their dancing dresses, with
+      streamers flying about their top-gallants, and loose nettings over their
+      breastworks&mdash;that was a gala, messmate! And didn't Charley treat all
+      Point to the play that night, and engage the whole of the gallery cabin
+      for his own friends' accommodation; and when the reefers in the hold
+      turned saucy, didn't you and two or three more <span class="pagenum">[189]</span>drop
+      down upon 'em, and having shook the wind out of their sails, run up the
+      main haliards again, without working round by the gangway?" "Right, Tom,
+      right; and don't you remember the illumination, when we stuck up ten pound
+      of lighted candles round the rim of the gallery before the play began, and
+      when Jane Shore was in the midst of her grief, Charley gave the signal,
+      and away they went, like a file of marines from a double broadside, right
+      and left, tumbling about the ears of the reefers and land lubbers in the
+      chicken coops below? Those were the days of glory, messmate, when old Jack
+      Junk, who had never seen a play before, took it all for right down arnest
+      matter o' fact; and when poor Mrs. Shore came to ask charity of that
+      false-hearted friend of hers, what was jealous of her, and fell down at
+      the door, overcome by grief and hunger, poor Jack couldn't stand it no
+      longer; so after suffering the brine to burst through the floodgates of
+      his heart, till he was as blind as our chaplain to sin, he jumped up all
+      at once, and made for the offing, blubbering as he went, 'May I be
+      blistered, if ever I come to see such cruel stuff as this again!' Then
+      didn't Stephen Collins, and Kelly, and Maxfield, the three managers, come
+      upon deck, and drink success to the Leander's crew, out of a bucket of
+      grog we had up for the purpose, and the ould mare of Portsmouth sent his
+      compliments to us, begging us not to break our own necks or set fire to
+      the playhouse? Another glass, Jem, to the crew of the Leander: don't you
+      remember the ducking ould Mother Macguire, the bum-boat woman, received,
+      for bringing paw-paw articles on board, when we came in to refit?" "May I
+      never want 'bacca, if I shall ever forget that old she crocodile! Wasn't
+      it her that brought that sea-dragon, Bet Bluff, on board, and persuaded me
+      to be spliced to her? shiver her timbers for it!" "Avast there! messmate,"
+      said Tom: "when you <span class="pagenum">[190]</span>can't skuttle an
+      enemy, it's best to sail right away from her hulk before she blows up and
+      disables her conqueror. May I never get groggy, if I shall ever forget the
+      joke between you and the old Sheenie, when you threatened to throw him
+      overboard for selling you a dumb time-keeper. 'Blesh ma heart,' said the
+      Jew, while his under works shook like a cutter's foresail going about,
+      'how could you expect de vatch to go well, ven de ship vas all in
+      confushion?' an excuse that saved him from sailing ashore in a
+      skuttle-bucket." "Have you weathered Gosport lately?" inquired Jem: "there
+      used to be a little matter of joviality going forward there upon the beach
+      in war time, but I suppose it's all calm enough now." "All ruined by the
+      peace; and all that glorious collection of the kings and queens of
+      England, and her admirals and heroes, which used to swing to and fro in
+      the wind, when every house upon the beach was a grog-shop, are past,
+      vanished, or hanging like pirates in tatters; the sound of a fiddle never
+      reaches their ears; and the parlour-floors, where we used to dance and
+      sing till all was blue, are now as smooth and as clean as the decks of
+      Lord Nelson's flag ship, the Victory, which lies moored in our harbour,
+      like a Greenwich pensioner, anchored in quiet, to drop to pieces with old
+      age. You may fire a nine-pounder up the principal street at noon-day now
+      and not hurt any body; and if the peace lasts much longer, horses may
+      graze in their roads, and persons receive pensions for inhabiting the
+      vacant houses." The period within which I had promised to join Horace
+      Eglantine had now elapsed. It was no easy task to separate myself from my
+      nautical friends, and the amusement they had afforded me demanded some
+      acknowledgment in return; calling, therefore, for a full bowl of punch, we
+      drank success to the British navy, toasted wives and sweethearts, honoured
+      our gracious king, shook <span class="pagenum">[191]</span>hands at
+      parting, like old friends, and having promised to renew my acquaintance
+      before I left Portsmouth, I bade adieu to jolly Jem Buntline and what
+      remained of his noble messmate, the lion-hearted Tom Tackle.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Cimage-0027" id="Cimage-0027">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page191.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page 191 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br /> <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+    <h1>
+      EVENING, AND IN HIGH SPIRITS.
+    </h1>
+    <p>
+      A SCENE AT LONG'S HOTEL. <span class="pagenum">[192]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Sketches of Character&mdash;Fashionable Notorieties&mdash;Modern
+     Philosophy&mdash;The Man of Genius and the Buck&mdash;"A short Life
+     and a merry one "&mdash;A Short Essay on&mdash;John Longs&mdash;Long Corks
+     &mdash;Long Bills&mdash;Long Credits&mdash;Long-winded Customers&mdash;The
+     Ancients and the Moderns, a Contrast by Old Crony.
+
+          Ye bucks who in manners, dress, fashion, and shiny,
+          So often have hail'd me as lord of your gang&mdash;
+          "O lend me your ears!" whilst I deign to relate
+          The cause of my splendour, the way to be great;
+          My own chequered life condescend to unfold,
+          And give a receipt of more value than gold;
+          Reveal t' ye the spot where the graces all dwell,
+          And point out the path like myself to excel.
+          &mdash;Pursuits of Fashion.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Only contrive to obtain the character of an eccentric, and you may ride
+      the <i>free horse</i> round the circle of your acquaintance for the
+      remainder of your life. If my readers are not by this time fully satisfied
+      of my peculiar claims to the appellation of an <i>oddity</i>, I have no
+      hopes of obtaining pardon for the past whims and fancies of a volatile
+      muse, or anticipating patronage for the future wanderings of a restless
+      and inquisitive humorist. But my bookseller, a steady, persevering,
+      inflexible sort of personage, whose habits of business are as rigid as a
+      citizen of the last century, or a puritan of the Cromwell commonwealth,
+      has lately suffered the marble muscles of his frigid countenance to unbend
+      with a sort of mechanical <span class="pagenum">[193]</span>inclination to
+      an expression of&mdash;what shall I say&mdash;lib&mdash;lib&mdash;liberality;
+      no, no, that will never do for a bookseller&mdash;graciousness&mdash;ay,
+      that's a better phrase for the purpose; more characteristic of his manner,
+      and more congenial to my own feelings. Well, to be plain then, whenever a
+      young author can pass through an interview with the headman of the firm
+      without hearing any thing in the shape of melancholy musings, serious
+      disappointments, large numbers on hand, doubtful speculation, and such
+      like pleasant innuendoes, he may rest satisfied that his book is selling
+      well, and his publisher realizing a fair proportion of profit for his
+      adventurous spirit. I am just now enjoying that pleasant gratification,
+      the reflection of having added to my own comforts without having detracted
+      from the happiness of others. In short, my scheme improves with every
+      fresh essay, and my friend Bob Transit, who has just joined me in a bottle
+      of iced claret at Long's, has been for some minutes busily engaged in
+      booking mine host and his exhibits; while I, under pretence of writing a
+      letter, have been penning this introduction to a chapter on fashion and
+      its follies, annexing thereunto a few notes of characters, that may serve
+      to illustrate that resort of all that is exquisite and superlative in the
+      annals of high ton. "Evening, and in High Spirits," &mdash;a scene worthy
+      of the acknowledged talent of the artist, and full of fearful and
+      instructive narrative for the pen of the English Spy. Seated snugly in one
+      corner of Long's new and splendid coffee-room, we had resolved on our
+      entering to depart early; but the society we had the good fortune to be
+      afterwards associated with might have tempted stronger heads than those of
+      either Bob Transit the artist, or Bernard Blackmantle the moralist.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0001" id="Dimage-0001">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page193.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page193th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page193" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Waiter, bring another bottle of iced claret, and tell Long to book it to
+      the king's lieutenant." "By the honour of my ancestry," said the
+      Honourable Lillyman Lionise, "but I am devilishly cut already."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[194]</span>"You do well, mighty well, sir, to swear
+      by the honour of your ancestors; for very few of your modern stars have a
+      ray of that same meteoric light to illumine their own milky way."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "That flash of your wit, lieutenant, comes upon one like the electric
+      shock of an intended insult, and I must expect you will apologize."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Then I fear, young valiant, you will die of the disease that has killed
+      more brave men than the last twenty years' war."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "And what is that, sir, may I ask?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Expectation, my jewel! I've breakfasted, dined, supped, and slept upon it
+      for the last half century, and am not one step higher in the army list
+      yet."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "But, lieutenant, let me observe that&mdash;that&mdash;"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "That we are both pretty nigh bosky, and should not therefore be too
+      fastidious in our jokes over the bottle."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Enter Waiter. "The claret, gentlemen. Mr. Long's compliments, and he
+      requests permission to assure you that it is some of the late Duke of
+      Queensberry's choice stock, marked A one."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Which signifies, according to Long's edition of Cocker, that we must pay
+      double for the liqueur. Come, Lionise, fill a bumper; and let us tails of
+      the lion toast our caput, the sovereign, the first corinthian of his day,
+      and the most polished prince in the world."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Tiger, Tiger,"{1} ejaculated a soft voice in the adjoining box; "ask Tom
+      who the trumps are in the next stall, and if they are known here, tell
+      them the Honourable Thomas Optimus fills a bumper to their last toast."
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 Since the death of the Earl of Barrymore, Tom has
+     succeeded to the "vacant chair" at Long's; nor is the Tiger
+     Mercury the only point in which he closely resembles his
+     great prototype.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[195]</span>A smart, clever-looking boy of about
+      fifteen years of age darted forward to execute the honourable's commands;
+      when having received the requisite information from the waiter, he
+      approached the lieutenant and his friend, and with great politeness, but
+      no lack of confidence, made the wishes of his master known to the <i>bon
+      vivants</i>; the consequence was, an immediate interchange of civilities,
+      which brought the honourable into close contact with his merry neighbours;
+      and the result, a unanimous resolution to make a night of it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      At this moment our <i>tête-à-tête</i> was interrupted by the appearance of
+      old Crony, who, stanch as a well-trained pointer to the scent of game, had
+      tracked me hither from my lodgings; from him I learned the lieutenant was
+      a fellow of infinite jest and sterling worth; a descendant of the
+      O'Farellans of Tipperary, whose ancestry claimed precedence of King Bryan
+      Baroch; a specimen of the antique in his composition, robust, gigantic,
+      and courageous; time and intestine troubles had impaired the fortunes of
+      his house, but the family character remained untainted amid the
+      conflicting revolutions that had convulsed the emerald isle. Enough,
+      however, was left to render the lieutenant independent of his military
+      expectations: he had joined the army when young; seen service and the
+      world in many climates; but the natural uncompromising spirit which
+      distinguished him, partaking perhaps something too much of the pride of
+      ancestry, had hitherto prevented his soliciting the promotion he was
+      fairly entitled to. Like a majority of his countrymen, he was cold and
+      sententious as a Laplander when sober, and warm and volatile as a
+      Frenchman when in his cups; half a dozen duels had been the natural
+      consequence of an equal number of intrigues; but although the scars of
+      honour had seared his manly countenance, his heart and person were yet
+      devoted to the service of the ladies. Fame had trumpeted forth his prowess
+      in the wars of <span class="pagenum">[196]</span>Venus, until notoriety
+      had marked him out an object of general remark, and the king's lieutenant
+      was as proud of the myrtle-wreath as the hero of Waterloo might be of the
+      laurel crown.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But see, the door opens; how perfumed, what style! Long bows to the earth.
+      What an exquisite smile! Such a coffee-house visitor banishes pain: While
+      Optimus rising, cries "Welcome, Joe Hayne! May you never want cash, boy&mdash;here,
+      waiter, a glass; Lieutenant, you'll join us in toasting a lass. I'll give
+      you an actress&mdash;Maria the fair." "I'll drink her; but, Tom, you have
+      ruined me there. By my hopes! I am blown, cut, floor'd, and rejected, At
+      the critical moment, sirs, when I expected To revel in bliss. But, here's
+      white-headed Bob, My prime minister; he shall unravel the job. And if
+      Jackson determines you've not acted well, I'll mill you, Tom Optimus,
+      though you're a swell." "Sit down, Joe; be jolly&mdash;'twas Carter alone
+      That has every obstacle in your way thrown. Nay, never despair, man&mdash;you'll
+      yet be her liege; But rally again, boy, you'll carry the siege." Thus
+      quieted, Joe sat him down to get mellow; For Joe at the bottom's a hearty
+      good fellow.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Have you heard the report," said Optimus, "that Harborough is actually
+      about to follow your example, and marry an actress? ay, and his old flame,
+      Mrs. Stonyhewer, is ready to die of love and a broken heart in
+      consequence."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Just as true, my jewel, as that I shall be gazetted field-marshal; or
+      that you, Mr. Optimus, will be accused of faithfulness to Lady Emily. Our
+      young friend here, the rich commoner, has given currency to such a variety
+      of common reports, that the false jade grows bold enough to beard us in
+      our very teeth."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why, zounds! lieutenant," said Lionise, "how very sentimental you are
+      becoming."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "It's a way of mine, jewel, to appear singular in some sort of society."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[197]</span>"And satirical in all, I'll vouch for
+      you, lieutenant;" said Optimus.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "By Jasus, you've hit it! if truth be satire, it's a language I love,
+      although it's not very savoury to some palates."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Will the duke marry the banker's widow, Joel that's the grand question at
+      Tattersall's, now your match with Maria's off, and Earl Rivers's
+      greyhounds are disposed of. Only give me the office, boy, in that
+      particular, and I'll give you a company to-morrow, if money will purchase
+      one; and realize a handsome fortune by betting on the event."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Then I'll bet Cox and Greenwood's cash account against the
+      commander-in-chief's, that the widow marries a Beau-clerc, becomes in due
+      time Duchess of St. Alban's, and dies without issue, leaving her immense
+      property as a charitable bequest to enrich a poor dukedom; and thus,
+      having in earlier life degraded one part of the peerage, make amends to
+      the Butes, the Guildfords, and the Burdetts, by a last redeeming act to
+      another branch of the aristocracy."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "At it again, lieutenant; firing ricochet shot, and knocking down duck and
+      drake at the same time."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Sure, that has been the great amusement of my life; in battle and abroad
+      I have contrived to knock down my share of the male enemies of my country;
+      in peace and at home I've a mighty pleasant knack of winging a few female
+      bush fighters."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "But the widow, my dear fellow, is now a woman of high {2} character; has
+      not the moral Marquis of Hertford undertaken to remove all &mdash;&mdash;&mdash;and
+      disabilities? and did he not introduce the lady to the fashionable world
+      at his own hotel, the Piccadilly (peccadillo) Guildhall? Was not the fête
+      at Holly Grove attended by H.R.H. the Duke of York, and Mrs. C&mdash;y,
+      and all the virtuous portion of our nobility? and has she not since been
+      admitted to the parties at the Duke of "Query&mdash;did Mr. Optimus mean
+      <i>high</i> as game is <i>high</i>?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[198]</span>Devonshire's, and what is still more
+      wonderful, been permitted to appear at court, and since, in the royal
+      presence, piously introduced to the whole bench of Bishops?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "By Jasus, that's true; and I beg belle Harriette's pardon. But, I well
+      remember, I commanded the cityguard in the old corn-market, Dublin, on the
+      very night her reputed father, jolly Jack Kinnear, as the rebels called
+      him, contrived to wish us good morning very suddenly, and took himself off
+      to the sate of government."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      I shall be obliged to entertain the world with a few of her eccentricities
+      some day or other; the ghost of poor Ralph Wewitzer cries loudly for
+      revenge. The sapient police knight, when he <i>secured the box of letters</i>
+      for his patroness, little suspected that they had all been <i>previously
+      copied</i> by lieutenant Terence O'Farellan of the king's own. A mighty
+      inquisitive sort of a personage, who will try his art to do her justice,
+      spite of "leather or prunella."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The party was at this moment increased by the arrival of Lord William, on
+      whose friendly arm reposed the Berkley Adonis&mdash;"<i>par nobile fratrum</i>."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Give me leave, lieutenant," said his lordship, "to introduce my friend
+      the colonel." "And give me leave," whispered Optimus, "to withdraw my
+      friend Hayne, for 'two suns shine not in the same hemisphere.'"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "The man that makes a move in the direction of the door makes me his
+      enemy," said the lieutenant, loudly. And the whole party were immediately
+      seated.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Hitherto, my friend Crony and myself had been too pleasantly occupied with
+      the whim, wit, and anecdote of the lieutenant, to pay much attention to
+      the individuality of character that surrounded the festive board; but,
+      having now entered upon our second bottle, the humorist commenced his
+      satirical sketches.&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Holding forth to the gaze of this fortunate time The extremes of the
+      beautiful and the sublime."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[199]</span>"Suppose I commence with the pea-green
+      count," said Crony. "I know the boy's ambition is notoriety; and an artist
+      who means to rise in his profession should always aim at painting
+      first-rate portraits, well-known characters; because they are sure to
+      excite public inquiry, thus extending the artist's fame, and securing the
+      good opinion of his patrons by the gratification of their unlimited
+      vanity. The sketch too may be otherwise serviceable to the rising
+      generation; the Mr. Greens and Newcomes of the world of fashion, if they
+      would avoid the sharks who infest the waters of pleasure, and are always
+      on the anxious <i>look-up</i> for a nibble at a new 'come out.'
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "The young exquisite's connexion with the fancy, or rather with the lowest
+      branch of that illustrious body, the bruising fraternity and their boon
+      companions, had been, though not an avowed, a real source of jealousy to
+      many of his dear bosom friends at Long's hotel, from the moment of the
+      count's making his <i>début</i>,
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     '<i>Imberbis juvenis, tandem custode remote</i>,'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      into the fashionable world. That he would be ultimately floored by his
+      milling <i>protégés</i> it did not require the sagacity of a conjurer to
+      foresee; nor was it likely that the term of such a catastrophe would be so
+      tediously delayed, as to subject any one who might be eager to witness its
+      arrival to that sickness of the heart which arises from hope deferred. But
+      this process for scooping out the Silver (or Foote) Ball, as he has since
+      been designated, by no means suited the ideas of the worthies before
+      alluded to. The learned Scriblerus makes mention of certain <i>doctors</i>,{3}
+      frequently seen at White's in his day, of a modest and upright appearance,
+      with no air of overbearing, and habited like true masters of arts in black
+      and white only. They were justly styled, says the above high authority,
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     3 A cant phrase for dice,
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[200]</span>subtiles and graves, but not always
+      irrefragabiles, being sometimes examined and, by a nice distinction,
+      divided and laid open. The descendants of these doctors still exist, and
+      have not degenerated, either in their numbers or their merits, from their
+      predecessors. They take up their principal residence in some well-known
+      mansions about the neighbourhood of the court, and many of the gentlemen
+      who honoured the count with their especial notice on his <i>entrée</i>
+      into public life are understood to be familiarly acquainted with them. Now
+      could they have only instilled into the young gentleman a wish to be
+      introduced to these doctors, or once prevailed upon him to take them in
+      hand for the purpose of deciding what might be depending upon the result
+      of the investigation; nay, could they even have spurred him on to an
+      exhibition of his tactics, in manoeuvring
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'Those party-colour'd troops, a shining train,
+          Drawn forth to combat on the velvet plain;'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      they could have so delightfully abridged the task which to their impatient
+      eyes appeared to be much too slow in executing, could have spared their
+      dear friend so much unnecessary time and labour in disencumbering himself
+      of the superfluity of worldly dross which had fallen to his share. A
+      little <i>cogging, sleeving, and palming</i>; nay, a mere spindle
+      judiciously planted, or a few long ones introduced on the weaving system,
+      could have effected in one evening what fifty milling matches, considering
+      the 'glorious uncertainty' attaching to pugilistic as well as legal
+      contests, might fail to accomplish. By this method, too, the person in
+      whom they kindly took so strong an interest would, even when he had lost
+      every thing, have escaped the imputation of having dissipated his
+      property. It would have been comfortably distributed in respectable
+      dividends among a few gentlemen of acknowledged talent, instead of
+      floating in air like the leaves of the
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[201]</span>Sibyl, and alighting in various parts of
+      the inner and outer ring; now depositing a few cool hundreds in the
+      pockets of a sporting Priestley bookseller, or the brother of a
+      Westminster Abbott; now contributing a small modicum to brighten the
+      humbler speculations of the Dean-street casemen, or the Battersea
+      gardener.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "But to this conclusion Horatio would not come. He was good for backing
+      and betting on pugilists, but on the turf he would do little, and at the
+      tables nothing. His zealous friends had therefore no chance in the way
+      they would have liked best; but being men of the world, and knowing, like
+      Gay's bear, that
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'There might be picking
+          Ev'n in the carving of a chicken,'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      they did not disdain to make the most in their power by watching the
+      motions of his hobby, and if this was not a sufficient prize to furnish
+      much cause for exultation, it was at least one that it would have been
+      unwise to reject.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "A contemporary writer has exerted to the utmost the very little talent he
+      possesses to represent the peagreen's uniform resistance to all the
+      temptations of cards and dice, as a proof of his possessing a strength of
+      mind and decision of character rarely found in young men of his fortune
+      and time of life. In the elegant language of this apologist, the count, by
+      this prudent abstinence, 'has shown himself not half so green as some
+      supposed, and the sharps, and those who have tried on the grand mace with
+      him, have discovered that he was no flat.' How far this negative eulogium
+      may be gratifying to the feelings of the individual on whom it is
+      bestowed, I will not say; in my character of English Spy I have been under
+      the necessity of carefully observing this fortunate youth, <i>depuis que
+      la rose venait d'eclore</i>, in other words, from the time that he became,
+      or rather might <span class="pagenum">[202]</span>have become, his own
+      master; and I should certainly not attribute his refraining from the
+      tables to any superior strength of mind: indeed, it would be singular if
+      such a characteristic belonged to a man whose own hired advocate could
+      only vindicate his client's heart at the expense of his head. Pope tells
+      us, that to form a just estimate of any one's character, we must study his
+      ruling passion; and by adopting this rule, we shall soon obtain a
+      satisfactory clew both to the exquisite count's penchant for the
+      prize-ring, and his aversion to the <i>hells</i>. Some persons exhibit an
+      inexplicable union of avarice and extravagance, of parsimony and
+      prodigality&mdash;something of this kind is observable in the gentleman in
+      question. But self predominates with him in all; and being joined to
+      rather alow species of vanity, and a strong inclination to be what is
+      vulgarly called <i>cock of the walk</i>, it has uniformly displayed itself
+      in an insatiate thirst for notoriety. Now pugilists, from the very nature
+      of their profession, must be public characters; while the gamester, to the
+      utmost of his power, does what he does 'by stealth, and blushes to find it
+      fame.' To be the patron of some noted bruiser, to bear him to the field of
+      action in your travelling barouche, accompanied by Tom Crib the XX
+      champion, Tom Spring the X champion, Jack Langan and Tom Cannon the
+      would-be champions, and Lily White Richmond, is sure to make your name as
+      notorious, though perhaps not much more reputable, than those of your
+      associates; but the man who, like 'the youth that fired the Ephesian
+      dome,' aims at celebrity alone, in frequenting the purlieus of the
+      gaming-house only 'wastes his sweetness on the desert air.' Moreover, the
+      members of the Ebony Clubs being compelled to assume the appearance, and
+      adopt the manners, insensibly imbibe too much of the feelings of
+      gentlemen, to be likely to pay, to the most passive <i>pigeon</i> that
+      ever submitted to <i>rooking</i>, the cap in hand homage rendered by a
+      <span class="pagenum">[203]</span>practitioner within the pins and binders
+      of the prize-ring to the swell who takes five pounds worth of benefit
+      tickets, or stands a fifty in the stakes for a milling match.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="page203" id="page203"></a> <br /> <a href="images2/page203.jpg">ENLARGE
+      TO FULL SIZE</a><br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img alt="page203th (92K)" src="images2/page203th.jpg" width="100%" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      "These motives seem to me sufficient to have prompted the count's
+      predominating attachment to the prize-ring and its heroes, which, however,
+      having as I have before remarked, been viewed with no favourable eye by
+      some of his comrades, his recent ill-luck at Warwick could hardly be
+      expected to escape the jests and sarcasms of his bottle companions."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "'Fore God," said Optimus, "this backing of your man against the black
+      diamond has been but a bad spec. Out heavyish I suppose, ay, Joe?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Count. Why, a stiffish bout, I must confess; and what's more, I'm not by
+      any means without my suspicions about the correctness of the thing.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Optimus. What, cross and jostle work again? a second edition of Virginia
+      Water? But I thought you felt assured that Cannon would not do wrong for
+      the wealth of Windsor Castle?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Count. True, I did feel so, and others confirmed me in my assurance, but I
+      believe I was wofully mistaken; and curse me if I don't think they were
+      all in the concern of doing me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Optimus. Was not there a floating report about the bargeman receiving a
+      thousand to throw it over?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Count. Something of the sort; but I don't believe it. Two bills for five
+      hundred, but so drawn that they could not be negotiated. I shall
+      certainly, said the count, give notice to the stake-holders not to give up
+      the battle-money for the present.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Optimus. Pshaw! that will never do. A thing of that nature must be done at
+      the time. Besides, Cannon stood two hundred in his own money, and says he
+      will freely pay his losses.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Count. A pretty do that, when he had a cheque <span class="pagenum">[204]</span>of
+      mine for the sum he put down. But I've stopped payment of that at my
+      banker's.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Optimus. And will as surely be obliged to revoke that order, as well as to
+      give up disputing the stakes. No, no, Joe; get out of the business now as
+      you can, and cut it. I always thought and told you, that I thought your
+      man had no chance. But his going to fight so out of condition, in a
+      contest where all his physical powers were necessary, does look as if you
+      had been put in for a piece of ready made luck. But what could you expect?
+      Can any good thing come out of Nazareth? That a gentleman can patronize
+      such fellows!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Count. I am still of opinion that the spirit of national courage is much
+      promoted&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Optimus. Spirit of a fiddle-stick! Nonsense, man; that card will win no
+      trick now. You, like others might have thought so once; but you have seen
+      enough by this time to know that the system is on altogether a different
+      tack; that its stanchest upholders and admirers are bullies, sharpers,
+      pickpockets, pothouse keepers, coachmen, fradulent bankrupts, the Jon
+      Bee's and big B's, and all the lowest B's of society in station and
+      character, whose only merit, if such it can be called, is the open
+      disclaiming of any thing like honour or principle. And after having been a
+      patron of such a set of wretches, you will end by becoming, according to
+      circumstances, the object of their vulgar abuse, or the butt of their
+      coarse ridicule.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "The latter, I understand,"said Lord William, "is pretty much the case
+      already. A friend of mine was telling me, that one of the precious
+      brotherhood, on hearing that Joe meant to dispute his bets, asked what
+      better could be expected from a Foote-mam out of place?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "No more of that, Hal, if thou lovest him," exclaimed Optimus, who
+      immediately perceived, by his <span class="pagenum">[205]</span>countenance,
+      that the last hit had been too hard. Much more has been said upon this
+      affair than it is worth. Let us change the subject.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "By my conscience," exclaimed the lieutenant, "and here's an excellent
+      episode to wind up the drama with, headed, 'The Foote Ball's farewell to
+      the Ring:' I'll read it you, with permission, and afterwards, colonel, you
+      shall have a copy of it for next Sunday's 'Age;' it will save the
+      magnanimous little B., your accommodating editor, or his locum tenens, the
+      fat Gent, the trouble of straining their own weak noddles to produce any
+      more soft attempts at the scandalous and the sarcastic.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "By the honour of my ancestry," rejoined the Gloucestershire colonel, "do
+      you take me for a reporter to the paper in question?"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Why not?" said the lieutenant, coolly: "if you are not a reporter and a
+      supporter too, my gallant friend, by the powers of Poll Kelly but you are
+      the most ill-used man in his majesty's dominions!"
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Sir, I stand upon my honour," said the colonel, petulantly.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "By the powers, you may, and very easily too," whispered O'Farellan, in a
+      side speech to his left hand companion; "for it has been trodden under
+      Foote by others these many months. To be plain with you, colonel, there
+      are certain big whispers abroad, that you and your noble associate, the
+      amiable yonder, with that beautiful obliquity of vision, which is said to
+      have pierced the heart of a northern syren, are the joint Telegraphs of
+      the Age. Sure no man in his senses can suspect Messieurs the Conducteurs
+      of knowing any thing of what passes in polished life, or think&mdash;
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Ah, my dear Wewitzer," said Belle Harriet, now Mrs. Goutts, speaking to
+      the late comedian, of some female friend, "she has an eye! an eye, that
+      would pierce through a deal board." "By heavens," said Wewitzer, "that
+      must be then a gimhlet eye." <span class="pagenum">[206]</span>of charging
+      them with any personal knowledge of the amusing incidents they pretend to
+      relate, beyond a certain little wanton's green room <i>on dits</i>, or the
+      chaste conversations of the blushless naiads who sport and frolic in the
+      Cytherian mysteries which are nightly performed in the dark groves of
+      Vauxhall. Take a word of advice from an old soldier, colonel: It is worse
+      than leading a forlorn hope to attempt to storm a garrison single handed;
+      club secrets must be protected by club laws, for 'tis an old Eton maxim,
+      that tales told out of school generally bring the relater to the block.
+      But my friend Stanhope will no doubt explain this matter with a much
+      better grace when he comes in contact with the tale-bearer."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Hem," instinctively ejaculated Horace C&mdash;&mdash;-t, the once elegant
+      Apollo of Hyde Park, "thereby hangs a tale; 'tis a vile Age, and the
+      sooner we forget it, the better&mdash;I am for love and peace." "i.e. a
+      piece" responded the lieutenant. Horace smiled, and continued, "Come, Tom
+      Duncombe, I'll give our mutual favourite, the female Giovanni. Lads, fill
+      your glasses; we toast a deity, and one, too, who has equal claims upon
+      most of us for the everlasting favours she has conferred."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "'Fore Gad, lieutenant," simpered out Lord William, squaring himself round
+      to resume the conversation with the veteran, "if you do not mind your
+      hits, we must positively cut. My friend, the colonel, will certainly set
+      his blacks{5} upon you, and I shall be obliged to speak to little
+      magnanimous, the ex-Brummagem director, to strike off a counterfeit
+      impression of you in his scandalous Sunday chronicle, 'pon honour, I
+      must."
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     5 A very curious tradition is connected with a certain
+     castle near Gloucester, which foretells, that the family
+     name shall be extinct when the race of the blacks* cease to
+     be peculiar to the family; a prophecy that I think not very
+     likely to be fulfilled, judging by the conduct of the
+     present race of representatives.
+
+     * A species of Danish blood-hound, whose portraits and names
+     are carved in the oaken cornice of one of the castle
+     chambers.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[207]</span>"The divil a care," said the lieutenant,
+      laughingly; "to arms with you, my lord William; my fire engine will soon
+      damp the ardour of little magnanimous, and an extra dose of Tom Bish's
+      compounds put his friend, the fat Gent, where his readers have long been,
+      in sweet somniferous repose. But zounds, gentlemen, I am forgetting the
+      count, whose pardon I crave, for bestowing my attention on minor
+      constellations while indulged with the overpowering brilliancy of his
+      meteoric presence."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "The 'Farewell to the Ring,'" vociferated the count. "Come, lieutenant,
+      give us the episode: I long to hear all my misfortunes strung together in
+      rhyme."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "By the powers, you shall have it, then; and a true history it is, as ever
+      was said or sung in church, chapel, or conventicle, with only one little
+      exception&mdash;by the free use of poetic license, the satirist has fixed
+      his hero in a very embarrassing situation&mdash;just locked him up at
+      Radford's steel Hotel in Carey Street, Chancery Lane, coning over a long
+      bill of John Long's, and a still longer one of the lawyers, with a sort of
+      codicil, by way of refresher, of the house charges, and a smoking detainer
+      tacked on to its tail, by Hookah Hudson, long enough to put any
+      gentleman's pipe out.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0002" id="Dimage-0002">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page207.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page207th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page207" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      There's the argument, programme, or fable. Now for the characters; they
+      are all drawn from the life by the English Spy (see plate), under the
+      amusing title of 'Morning, and in Low Spirits, a scene in a Lock-up
+      House;' a very appropriate spot for a lament to the past, and
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "'Tis past, and the sun of my glory is set.
+          How changed in my case is the fortune of war!
+          With no money to back, and no credit to bet,
+          No more in the Fancy I shine forth a star.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[208]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "Accursed be the day when my bargeman I brought
+          To fight with Jos. Hudson!&mdash;the thought is a sting.
+          I sighing exclaim, by experience taught,
+          Farewell to Tom Cannon, farewell to the ring!
+
+          "By the Blackwater vict'ry made drunk with success,
+          Endless visions of milling enchanted my nob;
+          I thought my luck in: so I could do no less
+          Than match 'gainst the Streatham my White-headed Bob.
+
+          "I've some reason to think that there, too, I was done;
+          For it oft has been hinted that battle was cross'd:
+          But I well know that all which at Yately I won,
+          With a thousand <i>en outre</i> at Bagshot I lost.
+
+          "At Warwick a turn in my favour again
+          Appear'd, and my crest I anew rear'd with pride;
+          Hudson's efforts to conquer my bargeman were vain,
+          I took the <i>long odds</i>, and I floor'd <i>the flash side</i>.
+
+          "But with training, and treating, and sparring, and paying
+          For all through the nose, as most do in beginning
+          Their fancy career, I am borne out in saying,
+          I was quite out of pocket in spite of my winning.
+
+          "So when Bob fought old George, being shortish of money,
+          And bearing in mem'ry the Bagshot affair,
+          In my former pal's stakes I stood only <i>a  pony</i>,
+          (Which was never return'd, so I'm done again there).
+
+          "To be perfectly safe, on the old one I betted;
+          For the knowing ones told  me the thing was made right:
+          If it had been, a good bit of blunt I'd have netted;
+          But a double X spoilt it, and Bob won the fight.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[209]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "But the famed stage of Warwick, and Ward, were before me&mdash;
+          I look'd at Tom Cannon, and thought of the past;
+          I was sure he must win, and that wealth would show'r o'er me,
+          So, like Richard, I set all my hopes on a cast;
+
+          "And the die was soon thrown, and my luck did not alter&mdash;
+          I was floor'd at all points, and my hopes were a hum;
+          I'm at Tattersall's all but believed a defaulter,
+          And here, in a spunging house, shut by a bum.
+
+          "'Mid the lads of the fancy I needs must aspire
+          To be quite <i>au fait</i>; and I have scarcely seen
+          Of mills half a score, ere I'm fore'd to retire&mdash;
+          O thou greenest among all the green ones, Pea Green!
+
+          "And what have I gain'd, but the queer reputation
+          Of a whimsical dandy, half foolish, half flash?
+          To bruisers and sharpers, in high and low station,
+          A poor easy dupe, till deprived of my cash.
+
+          "All you who would enter the circle I've quitted,
+          Reflect on my fate, and think what you're about:
+          By brib'ry betray'd, or by cunning outwitted,
+          In the Fancy each novice is quickly clean'd out.
+
+          "For me it has lost its attractions and lustre;
+          The thing's done with me, and I've done with the thing:
+          The blunt for my bets I must manage to muster,
+          Then farewell to Tom Cannon, farewell to the ring!"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      The reading of this morceau produced, as might have been expected,
+      considerable merriment on the <span class="pagenum">[210]</span>one hand,
+      and some little discussion upon the other; the angry feelings of the
+      commander in chief and his pals overbalancing the mirthful by their
+      solemnly protesting against the exposure of the secrets of the prison
+      house, which, in this instance, they contended, were violently distorted
+      by some enemy to the modern accomplishment of pugilism. In a few moments
+      all was chaos, and the stormy confusion of tongues, prophetk: of the
+      affair ending in a grand display and milling catastrophe; the
+      apprehensions of which induced John Long, and John Long's man, to be on
+      the alert in removing the service, <i>en suite</i>, of superb cut glass,
+      which had given an additional lustre to the splendour of the dessert. The
+      arrival of other characters, and the good humour of the count, joined to a
+      plentiful supply of soda water and iced punch, had, however, the effect of
+      cooling the malcontents, who had no sooner recovered their wonted
+      hilarity, than old Crony proceeded to particularize, by a comparison of
+      the past with the present, interspersing his remarks with anecdotes of the
+      surrounding group. "These are your modern men of fashion," said Crony;
+      "and the specimen you have this day had of their conduct and pursuits an
+      authority you may safely quote as one generally characteristic.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      'To support this new fashion in circles of <i>ton</i>. New habits, new
+      thoughts, must of course be put on; Taste, feeling, and friendship, laid
+      by on the shelf, And nothing or worshipp'd, or thought of, but&mdash;self.'
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0003" id="Dimage-0003">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page210.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page210th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page210" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "It was not thus in the days of our ancestors: the farther we look back,
+      the purer honour was. In the days of chivalry, a love promise was a law;
+      the braver the knight, the truer in love: then, too, religion, delicacy,
+      sentiment, romantic passion, disinterested friendship, loyalty to king,
+      love of country, a thirst for fame, bravery, nay, heroism, characterized
+      <span class="pagenum">[211]</span>the age, the nation, the noble, the
+      knight, and esquire. Mercy! what 'squires we have now-a-days! At a more
+      recent date, all was courtliness, feeling, high sentiment, proud and lofty
+      bearing, principle, the word inviolable, politeness at its highest pitch
+      of refinement: lovers perished to defend their ladies' honour; now they
+      live to sully it: the nobility and the people were distinct in dress and
+      address; but, above all, amenity and good-breeding marked the distinction,
+      and the line was unbroken. Now, dress is all confusion, address far below
+      par, amenity is a dead letter, and as to breeding, it is confined to the
+      breeding of horses and dogs, except when law steps in to encourage the
+      breeding of disputes; not to mention the evils arising from crossing the
+      old breed; nor can we much wonder at it, when we reflect on the altered
+      way of life, the change of habits, and the declension of virtue, arising
+      from these very causes.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'Each hopeful hero now essays to start
+          To spoil the intellect, destroy the heart,
+          To render useless all kind Nature gave,
+          And live the dupe of ev'ry well dress'd knave;
+          To herd with gamblers, be a blackleg king,
+          And shine the monarch of the betting ring.'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      "Men of family and fashion, in those golden days, passed their time in
+      courts, in dancing-rooms, and at clubs composed of the very cream of birth
+      and elegance. You heard occasionally of Lord Such-a-one being killed in a
+      duel, or of the baronet or esquire dying from cold caught at a splendid <i>fête</i>,
+      or by going lightly clad to his magnificent vis-à-vis, after a select
+      masquerade; but you never read his death in a newspaper from a catarrh
+      caught in the watch-house, from &amp; fistic fight, or in a row at a hell&mdash;things
+      now not astonishing, since even men with a title and a name of rank pass
+      their time in the stable, at common hells, at the Fives-court&mdash;the
+      hall of infamy; in the watch-house, the justice-room, and make the finish
+      in <span class="pagenum">[212]</span>the Fleet, King's Bench, or die in
+      misery and debt abroad. In the olden times, a star of fashion was quoted
+      for dancing at court, for the splendour of his equipages, his running
+      footmen and black servants, his expensive dress, his accomplishments, his
+      celebrity at foreign courts, his fine form, delicate hand, jewels,
+      library, &amp;c. &amp;c. Now fame (for notoriety is so called) may be
+      obtained by being a Greek, or Pigeon, by being mistaken for John the
+      coachman, when on the box behind four tits; by being a good gentleman
+      miller, by feeding the fancy, standing in print for crim. con., breaking a
+      promise of marriage once or twice, and breaking as many tradesmen as
+      possible afterwards; breaking the watchman's head on the top of the morn;
+      and lastly, breaking away (in the skirmish through life) for Calais, or
+      the Low Countries. There is as much difference between the old English
+      gentleman and him who ought to be the modern representative of that name,
+      as there is between a racer and a hack, a fine spaniel and a cross of the
+      terrier and bull dog. In our days of polish and refinement, we had a Lord
+      Stair, a Sedley, a Sir John Stepney, a Sir William Hamilton, and many
+      others, as our ambassadors, representing our nation as the best bred in
+      the world; and by their grace and amiability, gaining the admiration of
+      the whole continent. We had, in remoter times, our Lords Bolingbroke,
+      Chesterfield, and Lyttleton, our Steele, &amp;c, the celebrated poets,
+      authors, and patterns of fashion and elegance of the age. We had our
+      Argyle,
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'The state's whole thunder form'd to wield,
+          And shake at once the senate and the field.'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      We had our virtuosi of the highest rank, our rich and noble authors in
+      abundance. The departed Byron stood alone to fill their place. The
+      classics were cultivated, not by the learned profession only, but by the
+      votaries of fashion. Now, our Greek scholars are of <span class="pagenum">[213]</span>another
+      cast.{6} In earlier days the chivalrous foe met his opponent in open
+      combat, and broke a lance for the amusement of the spectators, while he
+      revenged his injuries in public. Now, the practice of duelling{7} has
+      become almost a profession, and the privacy with which it is of necessity
+      conducted renders it always subject to suspicion (see plate); independent
+      of which, the source of quarrel is too often beneath the dignity of
+      gentlemen, and the wanton sacrifice of life rather an act of bravado than
+      of true courage.{7}
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     6 "Adeipe nunc Danaûm insidiai, et&mdash;&mdash;ab uno, Disce
+     omnes!"
+
+     The Greek population of the fashionable world comprises a
+     very large portion of society, including among its members
+     names and persons of illustrious and noble title, whose
+     whole life and pleasure in life appears to "rest upon the
+     hazard of a die." The modern Greek, though he cannot boast
+     much resemblance to Achilles, Ajax, Patroclus, or Nestor,
+     is, nevertheless, a close imitator of the equally renowned
+     chief of Ithaca. To describe his person, habits, pursuits,
+     and manners, would be to sketch the portrait of one or more
+     <i>finished roués</i>, who are to be found in most genteel
+     societies. The mysteries of his art are manifold, and
+     principally consist in the following rules and regulations,
+     put forth by an old member of the corps, whose conscience
+     returned to torture him when his reign of earthly vice was
+     near its close.
+
+     ELEMENTS OF GREEKING. 1. A Greek should be like a mole,
+     visible only at night. 2. He should be a niggard of his
+     speech, and a profligate with his liquor, giving freely, but
+     taking cautiously. 3. He must always deprecate play in
+     public, and pretend an entire ignorance of his game. 4. He
+     must be subtle as the fox, and vary as the well-trained
+     hawk; never showing chase too soon, or losing his pigeon by
+     an over eager desire to pluck him. 5. He must be content to
+     lose a little at first, that he may thereby make a final hit
+     decisive. 6. He must practise like a conjuror in private,
+     that his slippery tricks in public may escape observation.
+     Palming the <i>digits</i> requires no ordinary degree of agility.
+     7. He must secure a confederate, who having been pigeoned,
+     has since been enlightened, and will consent to decoy others
+     to the net. 8. He should have once held the rank of captain,
+     as an introduction to good society, and a privilege to bully
+     any one who may question his conduct. 9. He must always put
+     on the show of generosity with those he has plucked&mdash;that
+     is, while their bill, bond, post obit,  or other legal
+     security is worth having.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[214]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     10. He should be a prince of good fellows at his own table,
+     have the choicest wines for particular companies, and when a
+     grand hit cannot be made, refuse to permit play in his own
+     house; or on a decisive occasion, let his decoy or partner
+     pluck the pigeon, while he appears to lose to some
+     confederate a much larger sum.
+
+     11. He must not be afraid to fight a duel, mill &amp; rumbustical
+     green one, or bully a brother sharper who attempts to poach
+     upon his preserves.
+
+     12. He must concert certain signals with confederates for
+     <i>working the broads</i> (i.e. cards), such as fingers at whist:
+     toe to toe for an ace, or the left hand to the eye for a
+     king, and so on, until he can make the fate of a rubber
+     certain. On this point he must be well instructed in the
+     arts of <i>marked cards, briefs, broads, corner bends, middle
+     ditto, curves, or Kingston Bridge</i>, and other arch tricks of
+     <i>slipping, palming, forcing</i>, or even <i>substituting</i>,
+     whatever card may be necessary to win the game. Such are a
+     few of the elements of modern Greeking, contained in the
+     twelve golden rules recorded above, early attention to which
+     may save the inexperienced from ruin.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0004" id="Dimage-0004">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page214.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page214th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page214" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     7 ELEMENTS OF DUELLING.
+
+     "The British Code of Duel," a little work professing to give
+     the necessary instructions for <i>man-killing according to
+     honour</i>, lays down the following rules as indispensable for
+     the practice of principals and seconds in the pleasant and
+     humane amusement of shooting at each other. "1. To choose
+     out a snug sequestered spot, where the ground is level, and
+     no natural, terrestrial, or celestial line presenting itself
+     to assist either party in his views of sending his opponent
+     into eternity. 2. To examine the pistols; see that they are
+     alike in quality and length, and load in presence of each
+     other. 3. To measure the distance; ten paces of not less
+     than thirty inches being the minimum, the parties to step to
+     it, not from it. 4. To fire by signal and at random; it
+     being considered unfair to take aim at the man whose life
+     you go out to take. 5. Not to deliver the pistols cocked,
+     lest they should go off un-expectedly; and after one fire
+     the second should use his endeavours to produce a
+     reconciliation. 6. If your opponent fire in the air, it is
+     very unusual, and must be a case of extreme anguish when you
+     are obliged to insist upon another shot at him. 7. Three
+     fires must be the ultimatum in any case; any more reduces
+     duel to a conflict for blood," says the code writer; "if
+     the parties can afford it, there should be two surgeons in
+     attendance, but if economical, one mutual friend will
+     suffice; the person receiving the first fire, in case of
+     wound, taking the first dressing. 8. It being always
+     understood that wife, children, parents, and relations are
+     no impediment with men of very different relative stations
+     in society to their meeting on equal terms." The <i>consistency,
+     morality, justice, and humanity of this code, I
+     leave to the gratifying reflection of those who have most
+     honourably killed their man</i>.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[215]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'For, as duelling now is completely a science,
+          And sets, the Old Bailey itself at defiance;
+          Now Hibernians are met with in every street,
+          'Tis as needful to know how to shoot as to eat.'
+
+     The following singular challenge is contained in a letter
+     from Sir William Herbert, of St. Julian's, in Monmouthshire,
+     father-in-law to the famous Lord Herbert, of Cherbury, to a
+     gentleman of the name of Morgan.    The original is in the
+     British Museum.
+
+     "Sir&mdash;Peruse this letter, in God's name. Be not disquieted.
+     I reverence your hoary hair. Although in your son I find too
+     much folly and lewdness, yet in you I expect gravity and
+     wisdom.
+
+     "It hath pleased your son, late at Bristol, to deliver a
+     challenge to a man of mine, on the behalf of a gentleman (as
+     he said) as good as myself; who he was, he named not,
+     neither do I know; but if he be as good as myself, it must
+     either be for virtue, for birth, for ability, or for calling
+     and dignity. For virtue I think he meant not, for it is a
+     thing which exceeds his judgment: if for birth, he must be
+     the heir male of an earl, the heir in blood of ten earls;
+     for, in testimony thereof, I bear their several coats.
+     Besides, he must be of the blood royal, for by my
+     grandmother Devereux I am lineally and legitimately
+     descended out of the body of Edward IV. If for ability he
+     must have a thousand pounds a year in possession, a thousand
+     pounds more in expectation, and must have some thousands in
+     substance besides. If for calling and dignity, he must be
+     knight or lord of several seignories in several kingdoms, a
+     lieutenant of his county, and a counsellor of a province.
+
+     "Now to lay all circumstances aside, be it known to your
+     son, or to any man else, that if there be any one who
+     beareth the name of gentleman, and whose words are of
+     reputation in his county, that doth say, or dare say, that I
+     have done unjustly, spoken an untruth, stained my credit and
+     reputation in this matter, or in any matter else, wherein
+     your son is exasperated, I say he lieth in his throat, and
+     my sword shall maintain my word upon him, in any place or
+     province, wheresoever he dare, and where I stand not sworn
+     to observe the peace. But if they be such as are within my
+     governance, and over whom I have authority, I will for their
+     re-formation chastise them with justice, and for their
+     malaport misdemeanour bind them to their good behaviour. Of
+     this sort, I account your son, and his like; against whom I
+     will shortly issue my warrant, if this my warning doth not
+     reform them. And so I thought fit to advertise you hereof,
+     and leave you to God.
+
+     "I am, &amp;c.
+
+     "WM. HERBERT."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[216]</span>"The art of fencing formerly
+      distinguished the gentleman, who then wore a sword as a part of his dress.
+      He is now contented with a regular stand-up fight, and exhibits a fist
+      like a knuckle-bone of mutton&mdash;hard, coarse, and of certain
+      magnitude. The bludgeon hammer-headed whip, or a vulgar twig, succeeds the
+      clouded and amber-headed cane; and instead of the snuff-box being rare,
+      and an article of parade, to exhibit a beauty's miniature bestowed in
+      love, or that of a crowned head, given for military or diplomatic
+      services, all ranks take snuff out of cheap and vulgar boxes, mostly of
+      inferior French manufacture, with, not unfrequently, indecent
+      representations on them; or you have wooden concerns with stage coaches,
+      fighting-cocks, a pugilistic combat, or an ill-drawn neck and neck race
+      upon them. The frill of the nobleman and gentleman's linen once bore
+      jewels of high price, or a conceit, like a noted beauty's eye, set in
+      brilliants less sparkling than what formed the centre. Now, a fox, a stag,
+      or a dog, worthily occupies the place of that enchanting resemblance. In
+      equitation, we had Sir Sydney Meadows, a pattern and a prototype for
+      gentlemen horsemen. The Melton hunt now is more in vogue, and the sons of
+      our nobility ride like their own grooms and postboys&mdash;ay, and dress
+      like them too. Autrefois, a man of fashion might be perceived ere he was
+      seen, from a reunion <span class="pagenum">[217]</span>of rich and costly
+      perfumes. Now, snuff and tobacco, the quid, the pinch, and the cigar,
+      announce his good taste. The cambric pocket-handkerchief was the only one
+      known in the olden times. The belcher (what a name! ) supplies its place,
+      together with the bird's eye, or the colours of some black or white boxer.
+      An accomplished man was the delight of all companies in former times. An
+      out and outer, one up to every thing, down as a nail or the knocker of
+      Newgate, a trump, or a Trojan, now carry the mode of praise; one that can
+      <i>patter flash, floor a charley, mill a coal-heaver</i>, come coachey in
+      prime style, up to every rig and row in town, and down to every move upon
+      the board, from a nibble at the club to a dead hit at a hell; can swear,
+      smoke, take snuff, lush, play at all games, and throw over both sexes in
+      different ways&mdash;he is the finished man. The attributes of a modern
+      fine gentleman are, to have his address at his club, and his residence any
+      where; to lounge, laugh, lisp, and loll away the time from four to eight,
+      when having dressed, eat his olives, he goes to Almack's if he can, or
+      struts into Fop's Alley at the Opera in boots, in defiance of decency or
+      the remonstrance of the door-keepers; talks loud to be noticed; and having
+      handed some woman of fashion to her carriage, gets in after her without
+      invitation, and, as a matter of course, behaves rudely in return; makes a
+      last call at the club in his way home to learn the issue of the debate,
+      and try his luck at French hazard or fleecing a novice. (See Plate.)
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0005" id="Dimage-0005">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page217.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page217th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page217" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      If his fortune should be one thousand per annum, his income may be
+      extended to five, by virtue of credit and credulity. If he comes out very
+      early in life, say eighteen, he will scarcely expect to be visible at
+      twenty-four; but if he does not appear until he is twenty-one, and then
+      lives all his days, he may die fairly of old age, infirmity, and
+      insolvency, at twenty-six. His topographical knowledge of town is bounded
+      by the fashionable <span class="pagenum">[218]</span>directory, which
+      limits his recognition, on the north, by Oxford-street, on the east, by
+      Bond-street, on the south, by Pall Mall, and on the west, by Park-lane.
+      Ask him where is Russell Square, and he stares at you for a rustic;
+      inquire what authors he reads, and he answers Weatherbey and Rhodes; ask
+      what are their works, and he laughs outright at your ignorance of the
+      'Racing Calendar,' 'Annals of Sporting,' 'Boxiana,' and 'Turf
+      Remembrancer;' question his knowledge of science, it consists in starch <i>à
+      la Brummel</i>{8}; of mathematics, in working problems on the cards; of
+      algebra, in calculating the long odds, or squaring the chances of the
+      dice; he tells you, his favourite book is his betting account, that John
+      Bull is the only newspaper worth reading, and that you must never expect
+      to be admitted into good society if the cut of your coat does not bear
+      outward proofs of its being fabricated either in Saint James's Street or
+      Bond Street; that the great requisites are <i>confidence, indifference,
+      and nonchalance</i>; as, for instance, George Wombwell being thrown out of
+      his tilbury on High gate Hill, when driving Captain Burdett, and both
+      being dreadfully bruised, George is picked
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     8 When Brummel fell into disgrace, he devised the starched
+     neckcloth, with the design of putting the prince's neck out
+     of fashion, and of bringing his Royal Highness's muslin, his
+     bow, and wadding, into contempt. When he first appeared in
+     this stiffened cravat, tradition says that the sensation in
+     St. James's-street was prodigious; dandies were struck dumb
+     with envy, and washerwomen miscarried. No one could conceive
+     how the effect was produced&mdash;tin, card, a thousand
+     contrivances were attempted, and innumerable men cut their
+     throats in vain experiments; the secret, in fact, puzzled
+     and baffled every one, and poor dandy L&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;d died raving
+     mad of it;  his mother, sister, and all his relations waited
+     on Brummel, and on their knees implored him to save their
+     kinsman's life by the explanation of the mystery; but the
+     beau was obdurate, and  L&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;d miserably perished.
+
+     When Brummel fled from England, he left this secret a legacy
+     to his country; he wrote on a sheet of paper, on his
+     dressing-table, the emphatic words, "Starch is the man."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[219]</span> up by a countryman, when he inquires,
+      very coolly, if 't'other blackguard is not quite dead:' his amours are
+      more distinguished by their number than attractions, and the first point
+      is, not attachment, but notoriety; the lady always being the more
+      desirable, in proportion to the known variety of her gallants; that of all
+      the pleasures of this life, there is nothing like a squeeze at court (see
+      plate), or being wedged into a close room at a crowded rout.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0006" id="Dimage-0006">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page219.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page219th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page219" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      A ruffian was never thought of by our forefathers; the exquisite was; but
+      he was more sublimated than the exquisite of the nineteenth century. The
+      dandy is of modern date; but there is some polish on him&mdash;suppose it
+      be on his boots alone. Shape and make are attended to by him; witness the
+      Cumberland corset, and his making what he can of every body. Then, again,
+      he must have a smattering of French, and affect to be above old England.
+      When he smokes, he does it from vanity, to show his <i>écume de mer</i>
+      pipe. He may have a gold snuff-box and a little diamond pin; and when he
+      swears, he lisps it out like a baby's lesson. Sometimes (not often) he
+      plays upon the guitar; and the peninsular war may have made a man of him,
+      and a linguist too; but he is far below the ancient exquisites (who
+      touched the lute, the lyre, and violoncello). And he is an egotist in
+      every thing&mdash;in gallantry, in conversation, in principle, and in
+      heart. Nor has the deterioration of the gentleman been confined to England
+      only&mdash;polite and ceremonious France has felt her change. The
+      Revolution brought in coarse and uncivilised manners. The awkward and
+      unsuccessful attempt at Spartan and Roman republican manners; the citizen
+      succeeding to Monsieur; the blasphemous, incredulous, atheistical
+      principles instilled into the then growing generation of all classes; the
+      system of equality, subversive of courtliness, and the obliging attentions
+      and suavities of society, poisoned at once the source <span class="pagenum">[220]</span>of
+      morals and of manners; for there can be nothing gentlemanlike in atheism,
+      radicalism, and the level, ling system. To this state of things succeeded
+      a reign of terror, assassination, and debauchery; and lastly, a military
+      despotism, in which the private soldier rose to the marshals baton; a
+      groom in the stables of the Prince of Condé saw himself ennobled; peers
+      and generals had brothers still keeping little retail shops; and a
+      drum-boy lived to see his wife&mdash;a washerwoman, or fish vender&mdash;a
+      duchess (Madame Lefevre). How can we expect breeding from such materials?
+      Bayonets gave brilliancy to the imperial court; and the youth of the
+      country were all soldiers, without dreaming of the gentleman, except in a
+      low bow and flourish of the hat; a greater flourish of self-praise, and a
+      few warm, loose, and dangerous compliments to the fairer sex, became more
+      than even the objects of their passion, but less so of their attentions
+      and prepossessing assiduities. This military race taught us to smoke, to
+      snuff, to drink brandy, and to swear; for although John Bull never was
+      backward in that point, yet St. Giles's and not St. James's, was the <i>rendezvous</i>
+      for those who possessed that brutal and invincible habit. These were not
+      amongst the least miseries and curses which the war produced; and they
+      have left such mischievous traces behind them, that the mature race in
+      France laugh at the old court, and at all old civil and religious
+      principles, whilst our demoralized youth play the same game at home. And
+      if a Bolingbroke or a Chesterfield was now to appear, he would be quizzed
+      by all the smokers, jokers, hoaxers, glass-cockers, blacklegs, and
+      fancy-fellows of the town, amongst whom all ranks are perfectly lost, and
+      morality is an absolute term. O tempora! O Moses! (as the would-be Lady
+      Sckolard said.) Nor does Moses play second best in these characters of the
+      day. Moses has crept into all circles; from the ring to the peerage and
+      baronetage, the stage, the <span class="pagenum">[221]</span>race-course;
+      and our clubs are tinged with the Israelitish: they may lend money, but
+      they cannot lend a lustre to the court, or to the gilded and painted
+      saloons of the <i>beau monde</i>. The style of things is altered; we mean
+      not the old style and new in point of date, but in point of brilliancy in
+      the higher circles. Our ancestors never bumped along the streets, with a
+      stable-boy by their side, in a one-horse machine, which is now the <i>bon
+      ton</i> in imitation of our Gallic neighbours, whose equipage is measured
+      by their purse. Where do you now see a carriage with six horses, and three
+      outriders, and an <i>avant courier</i>, except on Lord Mayor's day? Yet
+      how common this was with the nobility <i>d'autrefois</i>. Two grooms are
+      no longer his Grace's and my Lord's attendants, but each is followed by
+      one groom in plain clothes, not very dissimilar from the man he serves. Do
+      we ever see the star of nobility in the morning, to guard him who has a
+      right to it from popular rudeness and a confusion of rank? All is now
+      privacy, concealment, equality in exterior, musty and meanness: not that
+      the plain style of dress would be exceptionable, if we could say in verity&mdash;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'We have within what far surpasseth show.'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      But the lining is now no better (oftentimes worse) than the coat. Our
+      principles and our politeness are on a par&mdash;at low-water mark. The
+      tradesman lives like the gentleman, and the nobleman steps down a degree
+      to be, like other people, up to all fashionable habits and modern customs;
+      whilst the love for gain, at the clubs, on the turf, in the ring, and in
+      private life, debases one part of society, and puts down the other, which
+      becomes the pigeon to the rook. Whilst all this goes on, the press
+      chronicles and invents follies for us; and there are men stupid enough to
+      glory in their depravity, to be pleased with their own deformity of mind,
+      body, or dress, of their affectations, <span class="pagenum">[222]</span>and
+      their leading of a party. There is something manly in the Yacht Club, in a
+      dexterously driving four fleet horses in hand, in reining in the proud
+      barb, and in gymnastic exercises: but the whole merit of these ceases,
+      when my Lord (like him of carroty beard) becomes the tar without his
+      glory, and wears the check shirt without the heart of oak&mdash;when the
+      driver becomes the imitator of the stage and hackney box&mdash;when the
+      rider is the unsuccessful rival of the jockey; and the frequenter of the
+      gymnastic arena becomes a bruiser, or one turning strength into money, be
+      the bet or the race what it may.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'Shades of our ancestors! whose fame of old
+          In ev'ry time the echoing world has told!
+          Whose dauntless valour and heroic deeds,
+          Each British bosom yet enraptur'd reads!
+          Deeds, which in ev'ry country, clime, and age,
+          Have fill'd the poet's and historian's page;
+          Of ev'ry muse the theme, and ev'ry pen:
+          Ye I invoke! and ye, my countrymen,
+          If British blood yet flows within your veins,
+          If for your country aught of love remains,
+          O make your first, your chief, your only care,
+          That which first rais'd and made you what you were.'"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0007" id="Dimage-0007">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page222.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page222 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dlink2H_4_0001" id="Dlink2H_4_0001">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CHELTONIAN CHARACTERS.
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      A TRIP TO THE SPAS.
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dlink2HCH0001" id="Dlink2HCH0001">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CHAPTER I.
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      <span class="pagenum">[223]</span>
+    </h3>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Bernard Blackmantle and Bob Transit pay a Visit to the
+     Chelts&mdash;Privileges of a Spy&mdash;Alarm at Chelten-him&mdash;The rival
+     Editors&mdash;The setting of a great Son&mdash;How to sink in
+     Popularity and Respect&mdash;A noble Title&mdash;An old Flame&mdash;
+     Poetical <i>jeu d'esprit</i>, by Vinegar Penn&mdash;Muriatic Acid&mdash;An
+     Attorney-General's Opinion on Family Propensities given
+     without a Fee!!&mdash;The Cheltenham Dandy, or the Man in the
+     Cloak, a Sketch from the Life-Noble Anecdote of the Fox-
+     hunting Parson&mdash;Bury-ing alive at Berkeley&mdash;Public
+     Theatricals in private&mdash;"A Michaelmas Preachment," by an
+     Honest Reviewer&mdash;A few Words for Ourselves&mdash;The Grand
+     Marshall&mdash;Interesting Story of a former M. C.
+
+          "Oh, I've been to countries rare;
+          Seen such sights, 'twould make you stare."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0008" id="Dimage-0008">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page223.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page223th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page223" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "That last chapter of yours, Blackmantle, on John Long and John Long's
+      customers, will long remain a memorial of your scrutinizing
+      qualifications, and, as I think, will prevent your taking your port,
+      punch, pines, or soda-water in Bond-street for some time to come, lest
+      'suspicion, which ever haunts the guilty mind,' should in the course of
+      conversation convict you; and then, my dear fellow, you would certainly go
+      off pop like the last-mentioned article in the above reference to the
+      luxuries of Long's hotel." <span class="pagenum">[224]</span>"Bravo, Bob
+      Transit!" said I; "this comes mighty well from you, sir, my <i>fidus
+      achates</i>.&mdash;'<i>A bon chat bon rat</i>'&mdash;the <i>fidus and
+      audax</i> satirists of the present times. And who, sir, dares to doubt our
+      joint authority? are we not the very spies o' the age?
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'Joint monarchs of all we survey;
+          Our right there is none to dispute.'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      From the throne to, the thatched cottage, wherever there is character,
+      'there fly we,' and, on the wings of merry humour, draw with pen and
+      pencil a faithful portraiture of things as they are; not tearing aside the
+      hallowed veil of private life, but seizing as of public right on public
+      character, and with a playful vein of satire proving that we are of the
+      poet's school;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'Form'd to delight at once and lash the age.'
+
+          At this season of the year fashion cries out of
+          Town; so, pack up, Master Robert, and
+          Let us to Chelt's retiring banks,
+          Where beaux and beauties throng,
+          To drink at Spas and play rum pranks,
+          That here will live in song.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      What Cheltenham was, is no business of ours; what it is, as regards its
+      buildings, salubrious air, and saline springs, its walks, views,
+      libraries, theatre, and varieties, my friend Williams, whose shop at the
+      corner of the assembly rooms is the grand lounge of the literati, will put
+      the visitor into possession of for the very moderate sum of five
+      shillings. But, reader, if you would search deeper into society, and know
+      something of the whim and character of the frequenters and residents of
+      this fashionable place of public resort, you must consult the English Spy,
+      and trace in his pages and the accompanying plates of his friend Bob
+      Transit the faithful likenesses of the scenes and persons who figure in
+      the maze of fashion, <span class="pagenum">[225]</span>or attract
+      attention by the notoriety of their amours, the eccentricity of their
+      manners, or the publicity of their attachments to the ball or the
+      billiard-room, the card or the hazard-table, the turf or the chase; for in
+      all of these does Cheltenham abound. From the <i>cercle de la basse to the
+      cercle de la haute</i>, from the nadir to the zenith, 'I know ye, and have
+      at ye all'&mdash;ye busy, buzzing, merry, amorous groups of
+      laughter-loving, ogling, ambling, gambling Cheltenham folk.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'A chiel's among ye taking notes,
+          And faith, he'll print them.'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      To spy out your characteristic follies, ye sons and daughters of pleasure,
+      have we, Bernard Blackmantle and Robert Transit, esquires, travelled down
+      to Cheltenham to collect materials for an odd chapter of a very odd book,
+      but one which has already established its fame by continued success, and,
+      as I hope owes much of its increasing prosperity to its characteristic
+      good-humour; so, without more preface, imagine a little dapper-looking
+      fellow of about five feet something in altitude, attended by a tall
+      sharp-visaged gentleman in very spruce costume, parading up and down the
+      High-street, Cheltenham&mdash;lounging for a few minutes in Williams's
+      library&mdash;making very inquisitive remarks upon the passing
+      singularities&mdash;and then the little man most impertinently whispering
+      to his friend with the Quixotic visage, book him, Bob&mdash;when out comes
+      the note book of both parties, and down goes somebody. Afterwards see them
+      popping into this shop, and then into the other, spying and prying about&mdash;occasionally
+      nodding perhaps to a London actor, who shines forth here a star of the
+      first magnitude; John Liston, for instance, or Tyrone Power&mdash;then
+      posting off to the well walks, or disturbing the peaceful dead by ambling
+      over their graves in search of humorous epitaphs&mdash;making their way
+      down to the Berkeley kennel in North-street (See Plate), <span
+      class="pagenum">[226]</span>or paying a visit to the Paphian divinities at
+      the Oakland cottages under the Cleigh Hills&mdash;trotting here and there&mdash;making
+      notes and sketches until all Cheltenham is in a state of high excitement,
+      and the rival editors of the Chronicle and Journal, Messrs. Halpine and
+      Judge, are so much alarmed that they are almost prepared to become
+      friends, and unite their forces for the time against the common enemy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0009" id="Dimage-0009">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page226.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page226th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page226" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Imagine such an animated, whispering, gazing, inquiring scene, as I have
+      here presented you with a slight sketch of, and, reader, you will be able
+      to form some idea of the first appearance of the English Spy and his
+      friend the artist, among the ways and walks of merry Cheltenham. Then here
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'At once, I dedicate my lay
+          To the gay groups that round me swarm,
+          Like May-bees round the honied hive,
+          When fields are green, and skies are warm
+          And all in nature seems alive.'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Time was, a certain amorous colonel carried every thing here, and bore
+      away the belle from all competitors; the hunt, the ball, the theatre, and
+      the card-party all owned his sovereign sway; although it must be admitted,
+      that, in the latter amusement, he seldom or ever hazarded enough to
+      disturb his financial recollections on the morrow. But time works wonders&mdash;notoriety
+      is of two complexions, and what may render a man a very agreeable
+      companion to foxhunters and frolicsome lordlings, is not always the best
+      calculated to recommend him in the eyes of the accomplished and the rigid
+      in matters of moral propriety. But other equally celebrated and less
+      worthy predilections have been trumpeted forth in courts and newspapers,
+      until the fame of the colonel has spread itself through every grade of
+      society, and, unlike that wreath which usually decks the gallant soldier's
+      brow, a cypress chaplet binds the early gray, and makes admonitory signal
+      of the ill-spent past. The wrongs of an injured <span class="pagenum">[227]</span>and
+      confiding husband, whose fortunes, wrecked by the false seducer, have left
+      him a prey to shattered ruin, yet live in the remembrance of some honest
+      Cheltenham hearts; and although these may feel for the now abandoned
+      object of his illicit passion, there are but few who, while they drop a
+      tear of pity as she passes them daily in the street, do not invoke a
+      nobler feeling of indignation upon the ruthless head of him who forged the
+      shafts of misery, and pierced at one fell blow the hearts of husband,
+      wife, and children! What father that has read Maria's hapless tale of woe,
+      and marked the progress of deceptive vice, will hereafter hazard the
+      reputation of his daughters by suffering them to mix in Cheltenham society
+      with the branded seducer and his profligate associates? Gallantry, an
+      unrestricted love of the fair sex, and a predilection for variety, may all
+      be indulged in this country to any extent, without betraying confidence on
+      the one hand or innocence upon the other, without outraging decency, or
+      violating the established usages of society. While the profligate confines
+      his sensual pleasures with such objects as I allude to within the walls of
+      his harem, the moralist has no right to trespass upon his privacy; it is
+      only when they are blazoned forth to public view, and daringly opposed to
+      public scorn, that the lash of the satirist is essentially useful, if not
+      in correcting, at least in exposing the systematic seducer, and putting
+      the inexperienced and the virtuous on their guard against the practice of
+      profligacy. It is the frequency and notoriety of such scenes that has at
+      last alarmed the Chelts, who, fearing more for their suffering interests
+      than for their suffering fellow-creatures, begin to murmur rather loudly
+      against the Berkeley Adonis, representing that the town itself suffers in
+      respectability and increase of visitors, by its being known as the
+      rendezvous of the bloods and blacks of Berkeley. The truth of this
+      assertion may be gathered from the <span class="pagenum">[228]</span>following
+      <i>jeu d' esprit</i>, only one among a hundred of such squibs that have
+      been very freely circulated in Cheltenham and the neighbourhood within the
+      last year.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'NEWS FROM CHELTENHAM.
+
+          'The season runs smartly in Cheltenham's town,
+          The gossips are up, and the colonel is down;
+          He has taken the place of the famous Old Gun {1}
+          That exploded last year, and created some fun.
+          Were no lives then lost? some say, Yes! and some, No!
+          The report even shook the old walls of Glasgow.{2}
+          And the Bushe was found out to be no safe retreat,
+          For in love, as in war, you may chance to be beat;
+          And a hell-shaming fellow can never be reckon'd,
+          Whate'er he may publish, a capital second.'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      "But now having had our fling at his vices, let us speak of him more
+      agreeably; for the fellow hath some qualifications which, if humour suit,
+      enables him to shine forth a star of the first magnitude among <i>bons
+      vivants</i> and sporting characters, who ride, amble, and vegetate upon
+      the banks of the Chelt. Such is his love of hunting, a pleasure in which
+      he not only indulges himself, but enables others, his friends, to
+      participate with him, by keeping up a numerous stud of thirty well trained
+      horses, and a double pack of fox-hounds, that no appropriate day may be
+      lost, nor any opportunity missed, of pursuing the sports of the chase.
+      This is as it should be, and smacks of that glorious spirit which animated
+      his ancestors; although the violence of his temper will sometimes break
+      out even here, in the field, when some young and forward Nimrod, unable to
+      restrain his fiery steed, <i>o'er-caps</i> the hounds, or crosses the
+      scent. As the Chelts are, or have been, greatly benefited by the hounds
+      being kept alternately during the hunting months between
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1  A good-morrow to you, Captain Gun.
+
+     2  Miss Glasgow, divine perfection of antique virgin purity!
+     what could the poet mean by this allusion?
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[229]</span>Cheltenham and Gloucester, they must at
+      least feel some little gratitude to be due to the man who is the cause of
+      such an increase of society, and consequent expenditure of cash. But, say
+      they, we lose in a fourfold degree; for the respectable portion of the
+      fashionable visitants have of late cut us entirely, to save their sons and
+      daughters from pollution and ruin, by association or the force of example.
+      'Tis not in the nature of the English Spy rudely to draw aside the
+      curtain, even to expose the midnight revelries and debaucheries, of which
+      he possesses some extraordinary anecdotes; events, which, if recorded
+      here, would, in the language of the poet,
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'Give ample room, and verge enough,
+          The characters of hell to trace;
+          How through each circling year, on many a night,
+          Have Severn's waves re-echoed with affright
+          The shrieks of (maids) through Berkeley's roofs that ring.'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      "But let these tales be told hereafter, as no doubt they will be, by the
+      creatures who now pander to vice, when the satiated and the sullen chief
+      sinks into decay, or cuts from his emaciated trunk the filthy excrescences
+      which, like poisonous fungus, suck the sap of honour and of life. The
+      colonel hath had many trials in this life, and much to break down a noble
+      and a proud spirit. In earlier days, a question of birthright, while it
+      cut off one entail, brought on another, which entailed a name, not the
+      ancient gift of a monarch, but one still more ancient, and, according to
+      Dodsley's Chronology of the Kings of England, the origin of British
+      sovereignty itself&mdash;a '<i>filius nullius,</i>' a title that left it
+      open to the wearer to have established his own fame, and to have been the
+      architect of a nobler fortune; for
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'Who nobly acts may hold to scorn
+          The man who is but nobly born.'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      "Had the colonel acted thus, there is little doubt but long ere this the
+      kind heart of his Majesty would have <span class="pagenum">[230]</span>warmed
+      into graciousness as he reflected upon the untoward circumstances which
+      removed from the eldest born of an ancient house the honours of its
+      armorial bearings; the <i>engrailed bar</i> might have been erased from
+      the shield, and the coronet of nobility have graced the elder brother,
+      without invading the legal designation or claims of the legitimate
+      younger; but
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          I sing of a day that is gone and past,
+          Of a chance that is lost, and a die that's cast.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      And even now, while I am sermonizing on late events but too notorious, the
+      busy hum of many voices buzzes a tale upon the ear that sickens with its
+      unparalleled profligacy; but the English Spy, the faithful historian of
+      the present times, refuses to stain his pages by giving credit to, or
+      recording, the imputed profligate connexion. Adieu, <i>monsieur</i> the
+      colonel; fain would I have passed you by without this comment; but your
+      association with the black spirits of the 'Age'{3} has placed you upon a
+      pedestal, the proper mark for satire to shoot her barbed arrows at.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "But let us take a turn down the High Street; and as I live here comes an
+      old flame of the colonel's, Miss R*g*rs, who is now turned into Mrs.
+      E***n, and who, it is said, most wickedly turned her pen, and pointed the
+      following <i>jeu d'esprit</i> against her late protector, when he was laid
+      up by a serious accident, which happened to his knee after the more
+      serious loss of a&mdash;<i>Foote</i>.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     3 "A fellow-feeling makes us wondrous kind" says Pope; and
+     it would appear so from the intimacy which subsists between
+     the colonel and his jackall Bunn, the would-be captain, who
+     it is said is the <i>filius nullius</i> of old Ben Bunn the
+     <i>conveyancer</i>, not of legal title or estate by roll of
+     parchment, but of the very soil itself. Lord W. Lennox, too,
+     no doubt, prides himself upon the illegitimate origin of his
+     ancestry; and the publisher of the infamous scandals
+     manufactured in the Quadrant is also of the same kidney,
+     being the reputed natural son of jolly old Bardolph Jennyns.
+     What the remaining portion of the coterie spring from, the
+     Gents and Bs., the sensitive nose of a sensible man will
+     very easily discover.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[231]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'To Cupid's colonel help, ye people all;
+          He's missed his <i>Footing</i>, 'Pride has had a fall;'
+          The knee's uncapp'd, the calf laid open quite,
+          The Foote presents the most distressing sight;
+          Its form so perfect, pity none were nigh,
+          With warning voice to guard from injury.
+          Waltzers! your peerless partner view,
+          The gallant gay Lothario quite <i>perdu;
+          Sans Foote</i> to rest upon, his claims deny'd
+          To take a birth by English nobles' side.
+          Let him to Cheltenham, 'tis not to go far;
+          He's sure to find a <i>seat&mdash;on Irish car</i>.'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      "I am told, but I cannot discover the allusion myself, that Miss B*g*rs
+      was prompted to this effusion of the satiric muse by the green-eyed
+      monster, Jealousy, Observe that machine yonder, rumbling up the street
+      like an Irish jaunting-car, that contains the numerous family of M***r,
+      the vinegar merchant, whose lady being considered by the Chelts as
+      lineally descended from the Tartar race, they have very facetiously
+      nicknamed muriatic acid. The mad wag with the sandy whiskers yonder, and
+      somewhat pleasant-looking countenance, is a second-hand friend of the
+      colonel's; mark how he is ogling the young thing in the milliner's shop
+      through the window: his daily occupation, making assignations, and his
+      nightly amusement, a new favourite. A story is told of his father, a
+      highly respected legal character in the Emerald Isle, that, on being asked
+      by a friend why his son had left the country, replied, 'By Jasus, sir, it
+      was high time: sure I am there's enough of the family left behind. Is not
+      his lady in a <i>promising</i> way, and both his female servants, and
+      those of two or three of his friends, and are not both mine in a similar
+      situation? Zounds, sir, if he had remained here much longer, there would
+      not have been a single female in the whole country. However, 'Good wine,
+      they say, needs no Bushe,' so I shall leave him unmarked by his family
+      cognomen, lest this <span class="pagenum">[232]</span>should be taken as a
+      puff-card of his capabilities, and thereby add to the list of his
+      Cytherean exploits. In a late affair, when the colonel was called out (but
+      did not come), Sir Patrick beat about the Bushe for him very judiciously,
+      and by great skill in diplomacy enabled his friend to come off second
+      best. But here comes one who stands at odds with description, and attracts
+      more notice in Cheltenham than even the colonel, his companions, and all
+      the metropolitan visitory put together. If I was to lend myself to the
+      circulation of half the strange tales related of him by the Chelts, I
+      could fill a small-sized volume; but brevity is the soul of wit, and the
+      eccentric Mackey, with all his peculiarities and strange fancies for
+      midnight mastications, has a soul superior to the common herd, and a
+      'heart and hand, open as day, to melting charity.' It is strange, 'passing
+      strange,' that one so rich and fond of society, and well-descended withal,
+      should choose thus to ape the ridiculous; a man, too, if report speaks
+      truly, of no ordinary talents as a writer on finance, and an expounder of
+      the solar system. Vanity! vanity! what strange fantasies and eccentric
+      fooleries dost thou sometimes fill the brain of the biped with, confining
+      thy freaks, however, to that strange animal&mdash;man. The countenance of
+      our eccentric is placid and agreeable, and, provided it was cleared of a
+      load of snuff, which weighs down the upper lip, might be said to be,
+      although in the sear o' the leaf, highly intellectual; but the old Scotch
+      cloak, the broad-brimmed hat of the covenanter, the loose under vest, the
+      thread-bare coat shaking in the wind, like the unmeasured garment of the
+      scarecrow, and the colour-driven nankeens, grown short by age and frequent
+      hard rubbings; then, too, the flowing locks of iron gray straggling over
+      the shoulders like the withered tendrils of a blighted vine&mdash;all
+      conspire to arrest the attention of an inquisitive eye; yet the Chelts
+      know but little <span class="pagenum">[233]</span>about his history,
+      beyond his being a man of good property, the proprietor of the Vittoria
+      boarding-house, inoffensive in manners, obliging in disposition, and
+      intelligent in conversation. His great penchant is a midnight supper,
+      stewed chicken and mushrooms, or any other choice and highly-seasoned
+      dish; to enjoy which in perfection, he hath a maiden sleeping at the foot
+      of his bed ready to attend his commands, which, it is said, are
+      communicated to her in a very singular way; no particle of speech being
+      used to disturb the solemn silence of the night, but a long cane reaching
+      downwards to the slumbering maid, by certain horizontal taps against her
+      side, propelled forward by the hand of the craving <i>gourmand</i>, wakes
+      her to action, and the banquet, piping-hot from the stew-pan, smokes upon
+      the board, unlike a vision, sending up real and enchanting odoriferous
+      perfumes beneath his olfactory organs. Extraordinary as this account may
+      appear, it is, I believe, strictly true, and is the great feature of the
+      eccentric's peculiarities, all the minor whims and fancies being of a
+      subordinate and uninteresting nature. I shall conclude my notice of him by
+      relating an action that would do honour to a king, and will excuse the
+      eccentric with the world, although his follies were ten times more
+      remarkable. During the suspension of payments by one of the Cheltenham
+      banks, and when all the poorer class of mechanics and labourers were in a
+      most piteous situation from the unprecedented number of one pound
+      provincial notes then in circulation, Mr. Mackey, to his eternal-honour be
+      it related, and without the remotest interest in the bank, stepped nobly
+      forward, unsolicited and unsupported, gave to all the poor people who held
+      the one pound notes the full value for them, reserving to himself only the
+      chance of the dividend. Ye Berkeleys, Ducies, Lennoxes, Cravens, Hammonds,
+      Bushes, Molineauxes, and Coventrys, and all the long list of Cheltenham
+      gay! <span class="pagenum">[234]</span>show me an action like this ye have
+      done&mdash;a spirit so noble, when did you display?&mdash;Do you see that
+      rosy-gilled fellow coming this way, with a hunting-whip in his hand? in
+      costume, more like a country horse-dealer than a country clergyman; yet
+      such he was, until the bishop of the diocese removed the clerical
+      incumbrance of the cassock, to give the wearer freer license to indulge
+      his vein for hunting, coursing, cock-fighting, and the unrestricted
+      pleasures of the table and the bottle. A good story is told of him and his
+      friend, the colonel, who, having invited some unsophisticated farmer to
+      partake of the festivities of the castle, laid him low with strong
+      potations of <i>black strap</i>, and in that state had him carried forth
+      to the stable-yard, where he was immured up to his neck in warm
+      horse-dung, the pious ex-chaplain reading the burial-service over him in
+      presence of the surviving members of the hunt."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Who the deuce is that pleasant-looking fellow," said Bob, "who appears to
+      give and gain the <i>quid pro quo</i> from every body that passes him?"
+      "That, my dear fellow, is the Grand Marshal of all the merry meetings
+      here, and a very gentlemanly, jovial, and witty fellow; just such a man as
+      should fill the office of master of the ceremonies, having both seen and
+      experienced enough of the world to know how to estimate character almost
+      at a first interview; he is highly and deservedly respected. There is a
+      very affecting anecdote in circulation respecting his predecessor, the
+      detail of which I much regret that I have lost; but the spirit of the
+      affair was too strongly imprinted upon my memory to be easily obliterated.
+      He had, it appears, loved a beauteous girl in early life, and met with a
+      reciprocal return; but the stern mandate of parental authority prevented
+      their union. The lover, almost broken-hearted, sought a distant clime,
+      and, after years of peril, returned to England, bringing with him a wife.
+      The match had been one <span class="pagenum">[235]</span>of interest, and
+      they are seldom those of domestic bliss. It proved so here&mdash;he became
+      dissipated, and squandered away the property he had possessed himself of
+      by marriage. In this situation, he collected together the wreck of his
+      fortunes, and retired to Cheltenham, where his amiable qualities and
+      gentlemanly conduct endeared him to a large circle of acquaintance, and,
+      in the end, he was induced to accept the situation of master of the
+      ceremonies. Time rolled on, and his former partner being dead, he was,
+      from his volatile and thoughtless disposition, again plunged in
+      difficulties, and imprisoned for debt. The circumstance became known to
+      her at whose shrine in early life he had vowed eternal devotion: with a
+      still fond recollection of him, who alone had ever shared her heart, she
+      hastened to the spot, and, being now a wealthy spinster, paid all his
+      debts and released him from durance. Gratitude and love both pointed out
+      the course for the obliged M. c. to pursue; but, alas! there is nothing
+      certain in the anticipations of complete happiness in this life. The lady
+      fell suddenly sick, and died on the very day they were to have been
+      married, leaving him sole executor of her property. The calamitous event
+      made such a deep impression upon a feeling mind, already shaken by trouble
+      and disease, that finding his prospects of bliss again blighted without a
+      chance of recovery, he fell into a state of despondency, and was, within a
+      week, laid a corpse by the side of his first love. At the post-office,&mdash;purposely
+      placed out of the way by the sagacious Chelts to give strangers the
+      trouble of making inquiries,&mdash;I received the following whim from the
+      same witty pen who wrote me, anonymously, an inauguration ode to commence
+      my second volume with." "Who is this whimsical spirit in the clouds?" said
+      Bob. "Ay, lad," I retorted, "that's just the inquiry I have been making
+      for the last eight months: <span class="pagenum">[236]</span>although it
+      would appear we have&mdash;<i>ad interim</i>&mdash;been running, riding,
+      racing, rowing, and sailing together in various parts of the kingdom, you
+      perceive, Bob, there are more Spies than ourselves at work. However, this
+      must be some protecting geni who hovers over our heads and fans the air on
+      silken wing, wafting zephyr-like the ambrosial breeze, where'er our merry
+      fancies stray. Anon, 'we'll drink a measure the table round;' and if we
+      forget the 'Honest Reviewer,' may we lose all relish for a racy joke, and
+      be forgotten ourselves by the lovers of good fellowship and good things."
+      "Which we never shall be," said Bob; "for those eccentric <i>tomes</i> of
+      ours must and will continue to amuse a laughter-loving age, when we are
+      booked inside and bound for t'other world." There was not a little
+      egotism, methought, about friend Transit's eulogy; but as every parent has
+      a sort of poetical licence allowed him in praising his own bantlings,
+      perhaps the patronage bestowed by the public upon the English Spy may
+      excuse a little vanity in either the author or the artist. "But you are
+      the great magician o' the south yourself, Bernard," continued Transit,
+      "and will you not use your power, you who can 'call spirits from the vasty
+      deep'" "True, Bob; I can call, but will they come when I shall command?
+      However, let us retire to our inn, and after dinner we'll chant his lay;
+      and if he dances not to the music of his own metre, then hath he no true
+      inspiration in him, and is a poet without vanity, a <i>vara avis</i> who
+      delighteth not in receiving the reward of merit; so on, old fellow, to our
+      quarters, where we will
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'Carve the goose, and quaff the wine,'
+          And wish our sprite were here to dine&mdash;
+          We'd give him hearty cheer;
+          A welcome such as hand and heart
+          To kindred spirits should impart,
+          Where friendship reigns sincere.'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[237]</span>We would punish him for sending his odes
+      to us without sending his family cognomen therewith. Have we not done him
+      immortal honour&mdash;placed him in front of our second volume like a
+      golden dedication, and what is more, selected him from many a pleasant
+      whim, to stand by our side; the only associate who can claim one line
+      engrafted on to the never-ending fame of the English Spy?&mdash;But to the
+      'Preachment;' let us have another taste of his quality."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dlink2H_4_0003" id="Dlink2H_4_0003">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      A SECOND ODE TO BERNARD BLACKMANTLE, ESQ.
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      or A MICHAELMAS-DAY PREACHMENT.
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      BY AN HONEST REVIEWER.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "<i>Iterumque, iterumque vocabo</i>."&mdash;Ancient Classics.
+
+          "'Tis a lucky day, boy, and we'll do goods on't."
+          &mdash;Winter's Tale.
+
+          "Ours is the skie,
+          Where at what fowle we please our hawks shall flie."
+          &mdash;Anon.
+
+          Ay, here I come once more, great sir,
+          Out of pure love to minister
+          Some golden truths to thee;
+          Faustus ye're not, nor Frankenstein,
+          Yet, being up to trap, I ween
+          You'll need a sprite like me.
+
+          Eve watch'd you closely, my young squire,
+          Since at vol. two I cool'd the ire
+          That left a little stain;
+          And therefore wonder not, sweet Spy,
+          Since both of us at follies fly,
+          Your "Tonson comes again."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[238]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          This is the day of Michaelmas.
+          Many would say, ay, "let that pass"
+          As a forgotten thing.
+          Not so with us, our rent we pay,
+          And do we not, on quarter-day,
+          Our taxes to the king?
+
+          Since, then, "our withers are unwrung,"
+          And we need wish no blister'd tongue
+          To creditors and duns,
+          Let's carve the goose, and quaff the wine,
+          And toast September twenty-nine,
+          Nor mark how fast time runs.
+
+          We've clone the same; that is, we've quaffd,
+          And sung, and danced, and drunk, and laugh'd,
+          When we were half seas over;
+          I don't mean tipsy, bless you, no!
+          But when we pass'd, like dart from bow,
+          Cowes Roads on board the Rover.
+
+          So pipe all hands; for though no gale
+          From sea-wash'd shores distend our sail,
+          We'll man a vessel here.
+          This room's our ship; this wine's our tide;
+          And the good friends we sit beside,
+          The messmates of our cheer.
+
+          Ay, this looks well; now till the glass
+          To king, to country, and our lass,
+          And all of pluck and feather;
+          That done around, and nothing loth,
+          Since we are "learned Thebans" both,
+
+          We'll have some talk together.
+          You've been to Cheltenham, I find,
+          And, zounds! you really ride the wind,
+          To Bath and Worcester too;
+          To South'ton and the Isle of Wight,
+          As if increase of appetite
+          With every new dish grew.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[239]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          But it was really <i>infra dig</i>.
+          Spite of your old horse and new gig,
+          You did not, some fine morn,
+          Drive up to Malcolm Ghur, d'ye see,{4}
+          And leave two pretty cards for me
+          And Sir John Barleycorn.
+
+          We would have been your chorus, sir,
+          Or, an' you pleased, your trumpeter,
+          And <i>lioned</i> you about;
+          Have shown you every pretty girl,
+          And every <i>nouvelle</i> quadrille twirl,
+          And every crowded rout.
+
+          At eight o' morns have call'd you down,
+          (What would they say of that in town?)
+          To swallow pump-room water;
+          At eight o' nights have call'd you up,
+          (Our grandams used just then to sup),
+          To 'gin the dinner slaughter.
+
+          Have whisk'd you o'er to Colonel B's,
+          Or drove you up to Captain P's,
+          Dons unto Cheltenham steady.
+          But I forget the world, good lack,
+          Have play'd enough with such a pack
+          Of great court-cards already.
+
+     4 Malcolm Ghur, one of the very prettiest of the many pretty
+     newly-erected mansions that give a character to the environs
+     of Cheltenham. To its proprietor do I owe much for
+     hospitality; a merrier man, withal, dwells not in my
+     remembrance; he is of your first-rate whist players, though
+     he rarely now joins in the game. As the chaplain of the
+     county-lodge of F. M. he is much distinguished; and, at the
+     dinners of the Friendly Brothers&mdash;which are luxurious
+     indeed, and all for the "immortal memory" of William, king
+     of that name, and whose portrait ornaments their reading-
+     room&mdash;who better than he can "set the table in a roar"?
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[240]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Have set you down at ten pound whist
+          With A&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-y, and the <i>au fait</i> list,{5}
+          Turning your nights to days;
+          Or, somewhat wiser, bid you mix
+          Where less expensive are odd tricks,
+          And where friend R&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-n plays.{6}
+
+          Have made you try a double trade,
+          By clapping you in masquerade,
+          To jaunt at fancy-balls;
+          You would have seen some merry sights
+          On two or three particular nights,
+          In good Miss&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-'s halls.{7}
+
+          You could have gone as harlequin,
+          Or clad yourself in Zamiel's skin,
+          Your tending spirits we;
+          Or "Peeping Tom" may be more apt,
+          Since all are in your record clapp'd
+          We send to Coventry.
+
+     5 Colonel A&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;y, certainly tho first whist player of the
+     rooms.
+
+     If he ever drilled a company of raw recruits half as well as
+     he manages a handful of bad cards, he must have been the
+     very admirable Crichton of soldiership.
+
+     6 Mr. R&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;n, a facetious and good-humoured son of Erin;
+     true
+
+     as clock-work to the board of green cloth, though he has
+     been an age making a fortune from it.
+
+     7 Among the most fashionable amusements of Cheltenham are
+     the fancy-balls, given by two or three of the principal
+     sojourners in that place, of card-playing, scandal,
+     freemasonry, and hot water&mdash;God knows how many are in the
+     latter ingredient!    The most splendid I recollect was
+     given by Colonel&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-, or rather Miss&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-, whose
+     <i>protégé</i> he married; touching which alliance, there is a
+     story of some interest and much romance. Of that, as Pierce
+     Egan says very wittily in every critique, "of that anon."
+     There certainly was some fun and humour displayed by a few
+     of the characters on the particular evening I mention; the
+     two best performers were   a   reverend   gentleman   as
+     one   of   Russell's waggoners, inimitably portrayed, and
+     Captain B. A&mdash;&mdash;-e, not the author of "To Day," but his
+     brother, as an Indian prince. The dress, appearance, and
+     language to the life.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[241]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Yet still you've shown us, my smart beau,
+          Things that we should and should not know,
+          Vide the Oakland cots.
+          Bernard Blackmantle, learned Spy,
+          Don't you think hundreds will cry fie,
+          If you expose such plots?
+
+          You should have told them as I do,
+          And yet I love your hunters too,
+          That nothing is so vile
+          As strutting up and down a street,8
+          Dirt-spatter'd o'er from head to feet,
+          In the horse-jockey style.
+
+          <i>Ne sutor ultra crep</i>, should tell
+          These red-coats 'tis a paltry swell,
+          Such careless customs backing;
+          If they must strut in spurs and boots,
+          For once I'd join the chalk recruits,
+          And shout, "Use Turner's Blacking."
+
+          Howe'er, push on&mdash;there are of all,
+          Good, bad, high, low, and short, and tall,
+          That seek from you decrees.
+          Fear not, strike strong&mdash;you must not fly&mdash;
+          We will have shots enough&mdash;I'm by,
+          A Mephistopheles.
+
+     8 There surely is much and offensive vanity in the practice
+     adopted by many members of the B. H. of appearing on the
+     pro-menades and in the rooms of Cheltenham, bespattered o'er
+     with the slush and foam of the hunting field. Every
+     situation has its decent appropriations, and one would
+     suppose comfort would have taught these Nimrods a better
+     lesson. It is pardonable for children to wear their
+     Valentines on the 14th of February, or for a young ensign to
+     strut about armed <i>cap à pie</i> for the first week of his
+     appointment; but the fashion of showing off in a red jerkin,
+     soiled smalls, mudded boots, and blooded spurs, is not
+     imitable: there is nothing of the old manhood of sport in
+     it; foppery and fox-hunting are not synonymous. Members of
+     the B. H. look to it; follow no leader in this respect. Or,
+     if you must needs persevere, turn your next fox out in the
+     ball-room, and let the huntsman's horn and the view halloo
+     supersede the necessity of harps and fiddle-strings.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[242]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We'll learn and con them each by heart, Set them in note books by our art,
+      Each lord, and duke, and tailor. From Dr. S&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;{9} to
+      Peter K&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;, U&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;, O&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;,
+      and I&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;, and E&mdash;&mdash;-, and A&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;,
+      Down to the ploughman Naylor.{10}
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Then let them sow their crop of cares, Their flowers, their weeds, their
+      fruit, their tares, Not looking ere they leap. We, like the folks in
+      Jamie's book{11} Will i' the dark sharp up our hook, And, my own Barnard,
+      reap.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     9 Dr. S&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-e, a very singular, but a very hearty kind
+     of Caleb Quotem. He has been soldier, and sailor, doctor,
+     and, I believe, divine. He is as well known at the best
+     parties as the Wells and the Market-house. He gives feasts
+     fit for the gods at home, and invariably credits his
+     neighbours' viands as being Jove's nectar or the fruits of
+     Paradise, so as to him they be not forbidden. Short commons
+     could not upset his politeness. His anecdotes have a spice
+     of the old courtier about them; but the line old <i>chanson à
+     boire</i>, from Gammar Gurton's Needle,
+
+          "Back and side go bare, go bare,
+          Both foot and hand go cold;
+          But belly, God send good ale enough,
+          Whether it be new or old;"
+
+     he really gives beautifully, and with a spice of the olden
+     time quite delightful.
+
+     10   Mr. Naylor, of the Plough hotel; an excellent Boniface,
+     a good friend, and a merry companion. As a boy, I recollect
+     him keeping the Castle at Marlborough; at "frisky
+     eighteen," I have contributed to his success at the Crown at
+     Portsmouth; and I now, older, and it may be, a little wiser
+     grown, patronize him occasionally at Cheltenham.
+
+     11  Vide Hogg's Brownie of Bodsbeck.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dlink2H_4_0004" id="Dlink2H_4_0004">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      A TRIP TO THE SPAS.
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      <span class="pagenum">[243]</span>
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dlink2HCH0002" id="Dlink2HCH0002">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      CHAPTER II.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     The Spas&mdash;Medicinal Properties&mdash;Interesting specimens of
+     the Picturesque&mdash;"Spasmodic Affections from Spa Waters"&mdash;
+     Grotesque Scripture&mdash;The Goddess Hygeia&mdash;Humorous Epitaph&mdash;
+     Characters in the High Street&mdash;Traveller's Hall, or Sketches
+     in the Commercial Room at the Bell Inn, Cheltenham.
+
+          "For walks and for waters, for beaux and for belles,
+          There's nothing in nature to rival their wells."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Inquisitive traveller, if you would see the Well-walks in perfection, you
+      must rise early, and take a sip of the saline aperients before you taste
+      of the more substantial meal which the <i>Plough</i>-man. Naylor, or the
+      Cheltenham <i>Bell</i>-man, or the <i>Shep-herd</i> of the <i>Fleece</i>,
+      will be sure to prepare for your morning mastication. Fashion always
+      requires some talismanic power to draw her votaries together, beyond the
+      mere healthful attractions of salubrious air, pleasant rides, romantic
+      scenery, and cheerful society; and this magnet the Chelts possess in the
+      acknowledged medicinal properties of their numerous spas, the superior
+      qualities of which have been thus pleasantly poetized:&mdash;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "They're a healthful, and harmless, and purgative potion,
+          And as purely saline as the wave of the ocean,
+          Whilst their rapid effects like a&mdash;&mdash;
+          &mdash;&mdash;Hush! never mind;
+          We'll leave their effects altogether behind."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      In short, if you wish to obtain benefit by the drinking of the waters, you
+      must do it <i>dulcius ex ipso fonte</i>, as my Lord Bottle-it-out's
+      system, the nobleman who originally planned the Well-walks, of sending it
+      home <span class="pagenum">[244]</span>to the drinkers in bed, has long
+      since been completely exploded; while, on the other hand, its rapid
+      effects have been very faithfully delineated by my friend Transit's view
+      of the Royal Wells, as they appeared on the morning of our visitation,
+      presenting some very interesting specimens of the picturesque in the
+      Cruikshank style, actually drawn upon the spot, and affording to the eye
+      of a common observer the most indubitable proofs of the active properties
+      of the
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Sulphate of soda, and oxide of iron,
+          And gases, that none but the muse of a Byron
+          Would attempt to describe in the magic of sound,
+          Lest it made a report ere he'd quitted the ground;
+          And poets are costive, as all the world knows,
+          And value no fame that smells under their nose.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      "Would you like to take off a glass of the waters, sir?" said a very
+      respectable-looking old lady to my friend Transit, who was at that moment
+      too busily engaged in taking off the water-drinkers to pay attention to
+      her request. "There's a beautiful contortion!" exclaimed Bob; sketching a
+      beau who exhibited in his countenance all the horrors of cholera, and was
+      running away as fast as his legs could carry him. "See, with what alacrity
+      the old gentleman is moving off yonder, making as many wry faces as if he
+      had swallowed an ounce of corrosive sublimate&mdash;and the ladies too,
+      bless me, how their angelic smiles evaporate, and the roseate bloom of
+      their cheeks is changed to the delicate tint of the lily, as they partake
+      of these waters. What an admirable school for study is this! here we can
+      observe every transition the human countenance is capable of expressing,
+      from a ruddy state of health and happiness, to one of extreme torture,
+      without charging our feelings with violence, and knowing that the pains
+      are those of the patient's own seeking, and the penalties not of any long
+      duration." In short, my friend Bob furnished, instanter, the subject of
+      "Spasmodic Affections from, <span class="pagenum">[245]</span>Spa Waters,"
+      (see plate); certainly one of his most spirited efforts.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0010" id="Dimage-0010">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page245.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page245th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page245" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But we must not pass by the elegant structure of Montpelier Spa, the
+      property of Pearson Thompson, esquire, whose gentlemanly manners, superior
+      talents, and kind conduct, have much endeared him to all who know him as
+      an acquaintance, and more to those who call him their friend. Passing on
+      the left-hand side of the upper well-walk, we found ourselves before this
+      tasteful structure, and were much delighted with the arrangement of the
+      extensive walks and grounds by which it is surrounded:&mdash;a
+      health-inspiring spot, and as we are told,
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "Where Thompson's supreme and immaculate taste
+          Has a paradise form'd from a wilderness waste;
+          With his walks rectilineous, all shelter'd with trees,
+          That shut out the sunshine and baffle the breeze,
+          And a field, where the daughters of Erin{12}may roam
+          In a fence of sweet-brier, and think they're at home."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      The Sherborne Spa, but recently erected, is indeed a very splendid
+      building, and forms a very beautiful object from the High-street, from
+      which it is plainly seen through a grove of trees, forming a vista of
+      nearly half a mile in length, standing on a gentle eminence, presenting on
+      both sides gravelled walks, with gardens and elegant buildings, that
+      display great taste in architecture. The Pump-room is a good specimen of
+      the Grecian Ionic, said to be correctly modelled from the temple on the
+      river Ilissus at Athens, and certainly is altogether a work worthy of
+      admiration. The grotesque colossal piece of sculpture which crowns the
+      central dome, as well as the building, has been wittily described by the
+      author of the "Cheltenham Mail."
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     12 The great number of Irish families who reside and
+     congregate at Cheltenham fully justifies the poet's
+     particular allusion to the fair daughters of Erin.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[246]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "And then lower down, in fine Leckampton stone,
+          We've the fane of <i>Ilissus</i> in miniature shown;
+          And crown'd with Hygeia&mdash;a bouncer, my lud!
+          And as plump, ay, as any princess of the blood,
+          Carved in stone, but a good imitation of wood:
+          With her vest all in plaits, like some ancient costume,
+          But or Roman or Grecian, I'm loth to presume,
+          So I cannot be <i>poz</i> yet I blush to confess,
+          That her limbs are shown off in a little undress;
+          Whilst the goddess herself, <i>en bon point</i> as she is,
+          With her curls <i>à la Grecque</i>, and but little <i>chemise</i>,
+          Is so plump and so round, my dear sir, it is plain,
+          She must bring <i>the robust</i> into fashion again."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Coming back through the churchyard from Alstone Spa, we discovered the
+      following humorous epitaph.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "Here lies John Ball;
+          An unfortunate fall,
+          By crossing a wall,
+          Brought him to his end."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Peace to his manes! But, with such a notice above him to excite attention,
+      it is well he hears not, or ten times a clay his sleep might be sadly
+      disturbed. Once more we are in the High Street, where I shall just sketch
+      two or three singularities, without which my notice of the eccentrics of
+      Cheltenham might be deemed imperfect.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The dashing knight coming this way on horseback, with his double-pommelled
+      saddle, is a well-known Cheltenham resident, whose love of the good things
+      of this world induced him to look into the kitchen for a helpmate, and he
+      found one, who not only supplies his table with excellent dishes, but also
+      furnishes the banquet with a liberal quantity of sauce. The group of <i>roués</i>
+      to the right, standing under the portico (I suppose I must call it) to the
+      rooms, is composed of that good-humoured fellow Ormsby, who sometimes
+      figures here as an amateur actor, and, whether on or off the stage, is
+      generally respected for the amiable qualities of his heart. The <span
+      class="pagenum">[247]</span>gentleman with the <i>blue bauble</i> round
+      his neck is, or was, a lieutenant-colonel, and still loves to fire a great
+      gun now and then, when he gets into the trenches before Seringapatam; but
+      I must leave others to unriddle the character, while I pay my respects to
+      another military hero, who is no less famous among the Chelts for his
+      attachment to the stage&mdash;Lieutenant-colonel B*****ll, of whom it
+      would be difficult for any one who knew him to speak disrespectfully. Sir
+      John N****tt and his son, who are here called the inseparables, finish the
+      picture upon this spot, with the exception of my old friend the jack of
+      trumps, R*l*y, whose arch-looking visage I perceive peeping out like the
+      first glance of a court card in the rear of a bad hand; but let him pass:
+      the mirror of the English Spy reflects good qualities as well as bad ones,
+      and I should not do him justice if I denied him a fair proportion of both.
+      Descending to observe the eccentrics in a more humble sphere, who can pass
+      by the dandy candy man with his box of sweetmeats, clean in person as a
+      new penny, and his sturdy figure most religiously decorated with lawn
+      sleeves, and a churchman's <i>tablier</i> in front; while his ruddy
+      weather-beaten countenance, and hairy foraging cap, give him the
+      appearance of a Scotch presbyterian militant in the days of the
+      covenanters. Then, too, his wares cure all diseases, from a ravaging
+      consumption to a frame-shaking hooping cough; and not unlikely are as
+      efficacious as the nostrums of the less Mundivagant professors of patent
+      empiricism. Of all men in the world your coach <i>cad</i> has the quickest
+      eye for detecting a stranger; and who but Sam Spring, the box-book keeper
+      of Drury Lane, whose eternal bow has grown proverbial, could ask an
+      impudent question with more politeness than Mr. Court, the <i>chargé de
+      affaires</i> in the High Street, for the conflicting interests of half a
+      hundred coach proprietors 1 "Do you travel to-day, sir?&mdash;Very happy
+      to send for your luggage&mdash;Go by the early coach, sir?&mdash;Our
+      porter <span class="pagenum">[248]</span>shall call you up, only let me
+      put you down at our office." Thus actually bowing you into his book a week
+      before you had any serious intention of travelling, by the very
+      circumstance of reminding you of the mode by which you intend to reach
+      home. I could add to these sketches a few singularities among the trading
+      brotherhood of the Chelts; but we may meet again: and after all it would,
+      perhaps, be considered invidious to point out the honest tradesman to
+      public notice, merely because he has caught something of the
+      eccentricities of his betters, or, like them, is led away by the force of
+      example.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     ERRATA.
+
+     In Chapter I, page 223, Contents, dele hi, and for Penn,
+     read pun. The Man in the Cloak, noble Anecdote of, instead
+     of the Fox* hunting Parson,&mdash;Printer.
+</pre>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img alt="page248 (25K)" src="images2/page248.jpg" width="100%" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dlink2H_4_0006" id="Dlink2H_4_0006">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      TRAVELLER'S HALL.
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      <span class="pagenum">[249]</span>
+    </h3>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Sketches in the Commercial Room at the Bell Inn,
+     Cheltenltam&mdash;The Traveller's Ordinary&mdash;Trade Puns&mdash;Bolton
+     Trotters and Trottees&mdash;Song, All the Booksellers&mdash;Curious
+     Sporting Anecdote of a Commercial Man&mdash;Song, The Knight of
+     the Saddle Bags&mdash;Private Theatricals in Public&mdash;Visit to
+     the Oakland Cottages, a Night Scene.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      An invitation to dine with the traveller to a London house in the paper
+      and print line, yclept booksellers, introduced the English Spy and his
+      friend, the artist, to the scene here presented (see plate).
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0011" id="Dimage-0011">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page249.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page249th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page249" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Reader, if you wish to make a figure among the Chelts and be thought any
+      thing of, you will, of course, domicile at the Plough; but if your object
+      is a knowledge of life, social conversation, a great variety of character,
+      and a never-failing fund of mirth and anecdote, join the gentleman travellers
+      who congregate at the Bell or the Fleece, where you will meet with merry
+      fellows, choice viands, good wine, excellent beds, and a pretty
+      chambermaid into the bargain. Your commercial man is often a fellow of
+      infinite jest, a travelling vocabulary of provincial knowledge, and a
+      faithful narrator of the passing events of the time. Who can speak of the
+      increasing prosperity, or calculate upon the falling interests of a town,
+      so well as your flying man of business 1 The moment he enters a new place
+      he expects the landlord to be ready, cap in hand, to welcome him; he first
+      sees his horse into a stall, and lectures the ostler upon the art of
+      rubbing him down&mdash;orders boots to <span class="pagenum">[250]</span>bring
+      in his travelling bags or his driving box, and bids the waiter send the
+      chambermaid to show him his bed-room&mdash;grumbles that it is too high
+      up, has no chimney in the apartment, or is situate over the kitchen or the
+      tap-room&mdash;swears a tremendous oath that he will order his baggage to
+      be taken to the next house, and frightens the poor girl into the giving
+      him one of the best bed-apartments, usually reserved for the coffee-room
+      company. Returning below, he abuses the waiter for not giving him his
+      letters, that have been waiting his arrival a week, before he went up
+      stairs&mdash;directs boots to be ready to make the circuit of the town
+      with him after dinner, carrying his pattern-books, perhaps half a
+      hundred-weight of Birmingham wares, brass articles, or patterns of coffin
+      furniture; and having thus succeeded in putting the whole house into
+      confusion, only to let them know that the Brummagem gentleman has arrived
+      on his annual visit to the Chelts, with a new stock of every thing
+      astonishing in the brass line, he places himself down at a side table, to
+      answer to his principals for being some days later on his march than they
+      had concluded&mdash;remits a good sum in bills and acceptances, and adds
+      thereunto a sheet of orders, that will suffice to keep the firm in good
+      temper for a week to come: sometimes, indeed, the postscript contains a
+      hint of an expected "whereas," or strong suspicions of an act of
+      insolvency, but always couched in the most consolatory terms, hoping the
+      dividend will turn out to be better than present circumstances might lead
+      them to expect. In his visits to his customers he is the most courteous,
+      obliging fellow imaginable; there is no trouble he thinks too much if he
+      is likely to obtain his last account and a fresh order; then, too, his
+      generosity is unbounded: he invites the tradesman to take wine with him at
+      his inn, inquires kindly after all the family, hopes business is thriving,
+      makes an offer of <span class="pagenum">[251]</span>doing any thing for
+      him along the road, and bows himself and his pattern-cards out of the
+      shop, with as much humility and apparent sense of obligation as the most
+      expert courtier could put on when his sovereign deigns to confer upon him
+      some special mark of his royal favour. It is at his inn alone that his
+      independence breaks forth, and here he often assumes as much consequence
+      as if he was the head of the firm he represents, and always carried about
+      him a <i>plum</i> at least in his breeches pocket. This is a general
+      character, and one, too, formed upon no slight knowledge of commercial
+      men; but with all this, the man of the world will admire them and seek
+      their company; first, that his accommodations are generally better, and
+      the charges not subject to the caprice of the landlord; and, secondly, for
+      the sake of society; for what on earth can be more horrible than to be
+      shut up in a lone room, a stranger in a provincial town, to eat, drink,
+      and pass the cheerless hour, a prey to solitude and <i>ennui</i>?
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But there is sometimes a little fastidiousness about these <i>knights of
+      the saddle-bag</i>, in admitting a stranger to hob and nob with them; to
+      prevent a knowledge, therefore, of our pursuits, my friend Bob was
+      instructed, before entering the room, to sink the arts, and if any
+      inquisitive fellow should inquire what line he travelled in, to reply, in
+      the print line; while your humble servant, it was agreed, should represent
+      some firm in the spring trade; and thus armed against suspicion, we boldly
+      marched into the commercial-room just as the assembled group of men of
+      business were sitting down to dinner, hung our hats upon a peg, drew our
+      chairs, uninvited, to the table, fully prepared to feel ourselves at home,
+      and do ample justice to the "bagmen's banquet."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The important preliminary point settled, of whom the duty of chairman
+      devolved on, a situation, as I understood, always filled in a commercial
+      room by <span class="pagenum">[252]</span>the last gentleman traveller who
+      makes it his residence, we proceeded to business. The privilege of finding
+      fault with the dinner, which, by the by, was excellent, is always conceded
+      to the ancients of the fraternity of traders; these gentlemen who, having
+      been half a century upon the road, remember all the previous proprietors
+      of the hotel to the fifteenth or twentieth generation removed, make a
+      point of enumerating their gracious qualities upon such occasions, to keep
+      the living host and representative <i>up to the mark</i>, as they phrase
+      it. For instance&mdash;the old buck in the chair, who was a city tea
+      broker, found fault with the fish: "There vas nothing of that ere sort to
+      be had good but at Billingsgate, where all the best fish from all the
+      vorld vas, as he contended, to be bought cheaper as butcher's meat." The
+      result of which remark induced the young wags at the table to finish a
+      very fine brill, without leaving him a taste, while he was abusing it.
+      "This soup is not like friend Birch's," said Mr. Obadiah Pure, a gentleman
+      in the drug line; "it hath a watery and unchristianlike taste with it."
+      "Ay," replied a youngster at the bottom of the table, with whom it
+      appeared to be in request, "I quake for fear while I am eating it, only I
+      know there can be no drugs in it, or you would not find fault with a
+      customer." "Thou art one of the newly imported, friend," replied Mr. Pure,
+      "and art yet like a young bear, with all thy troubles to come." "True,"
+      said the wag, "thou may be right, friend; but I shall not be found a <i>bruin</i>
+      with thy materials for all that." This sally put down the drug merchant
+      for the rest of the dinner-time. "You had better take a little fish or
+      soup before they are cold," said the chairman, to a bluff-looking
+      beef-eater at his back, who was arranging his papers and samples. "Sir, I
+      never eat warm wittals, drink hot liquors, wear a great coat, or have my
+      bed warmed." "The natural heat of your <span class="pagenum">[253]</span>constitution,
+      I suppose, excuses you," said I, venturing upon a joke. "Sir, you had
+      better heat your natural meal, while it is hot, without attempting to heat
+      other people's tempers," was the reply; to which Bob retorted, by saying,
+      "It was quite clear the gentleman was not mealy-mouthed." "This beef
+      smells a little of Hounslow Heath," said a jeweller's gentleman, on my
+      right. "Why so, sir?" was inquired by one who knew him. "Because it has
+      hung rather too long to be sightly." "You should not have left out the
+      chains in that joke, Sam," said his friend; "they would have linked it
+      well together, and sealed the subject." "Who takes port?" inquired the
+      chairman. "I must sherry directly after dinner, gentlemen," said one.
+      "What," retorted the company, "boxing the wine bin! committing treason, by
+      making a sovereign go farther than he is required by law. Fine him, Mr.
+      Chairman." "Gentlemen, it is not in my power; he is a bottle conjuror, I
+      assure you, 'a good man and true;' he only retires to bleed a patient, and
+      will return instanter." "Happy to take a glass of wine with you, sir."
+      "What do you think of that port, sir?" "Excellent." "Ay, I knew you would
+      say so; the house of Barnaby Blackstrap, Brothers, and Company, of Upper
+      Thames Street, have always been famous for selling wines of the choicest
+      vintage. Do me the honour, sir, of putting a card of ours in your pocket:
+      I sent this wine into this house in Jennings's time, for the grand dinner,
+      when the first stone of the new rooms over the way was laid, and John
+      Kelly, the proprietor, took the chair. You are lucky, sir, in meeting me
+      here; they always pull out an odd bottle from the family bin, marked A&mdash;1,
+      when I visit them." "Yes, and some <i>odd sort</i> of wine at any other
+      time," grumbled out a queer-looking character at a side table opposite.
+      "That's nothing but spleen, Mr. Sable," said the knight of the ruby
+      countenance: "you and I have met occasionally at this house together now
+      for three and twenty years; and although I never <span class="pagenum">[254]</span>come
+      a journey without taking an order from them, I thank heaven, I never knew
+      you to receive one yet: many a dead man have we seen in this room, but
+      none of them requiring a coffin plate to tell their age, and very few of
+      them that were like to receive the benefit of resurrection." "I shall book
+      you inside, Mr. Blackstrap,'' replied Sable, "for joking on my articles of
+      trade, which is contrary to the established usage of a commercial room."
+      "Do any thing you like but bury me," said the <i>bon vivant</i>."
+      Gentlemen, as chairman, it is my duty to put an end to all grave subjects.
+      Will you be kind enough to dissect that turkey?" "I don't see the bee's
+      wing in this port, Mr. Blackstrap, that you are bouncing about," said a
+      London traveller to a timber-merchant. "No, sir," said the humorist, "it
+      is not to be seen until you are a deal higher in spirits; the film of the
+      wing is seldom discernible in such mahogany-coloured wine as this." "Sir,
+      I blush like rose wood at your impertinence." "Ay, sir, and you'll soon be
+      as red as logwood, or as black as ebony, if you will but do justice to the
+      bottle," was the reply. "There is no being cross-grained with you," said
+      the timber-merchant. "Not unless you cut me," retorted Blackstrap, "and
+      you are not sap enough for that." "Gentlemen," continued the facetious
+      wine-merchant, "if we do not get a little fruit, I shall think we have not
+      met with our dessert; and although there may be some among us whose
+      principals are worth a plum, there are very few of their representatives,
+      I suspect, who will offer any objections to my reasons." Thus pleasantly
+      apostrophised, the fruit made its appearance, and with it a fresh supply
+      of the genuine Oporto, which our merry companion, Blackstrap, called "his
+      <i>old particular</i>." One of his stories, relative to a joke played off
+      upon the Bolton trotters, by his friend Sable, the travelling undertaker,
+      is too good to be lost. In Lancashire the custom of hoaxing is called
+      <span class="pagenum">[255]</span><i>trotting</i>, and in many instances,
+      particularly at Bolton, is still continued, and has frequently been played
+      off upon strangers with a ruinous success. Sable had, it would appear,
+      taken up his quarters at a commercial inn, and, as is usual with
+      travellers, joined the tradesmen in the smoking room at night to enjoy his
+      pipe, and profit, perhaps, by introduction in the way of business. The
+      pursuit of the undertaker and dealer in coffin furniture was no sooner
+      made generally known, than it was unanimously agreed to trot him, by
+      giving him various orders for articles in his line, which none of the
+      parties had any serious intention of paying for or receiving. With this
+      view, one ordered a splendid coffin for himself, and another one for his
+      wife; a third gave instructions for an engraved plate and gilt ornaments;
+      and a fourth chose to order an elegant suite of silver ornaments to
+      decorate the last abode of frail mortality: in this way the company were
+      much amused with the apparent unsuspecting manner of Sable, who carefully
+      noted down all their orders, and pledged himself to execute them
+      faithfully. The Bolton people did not fail to circulate this good joke, as
+      they then thought it, among their neighbours, and having given fictitious
+      names, expected to have had additional cause for exultation when the
+      articles arrived; but how great was their surprise and dismay, when in a
+      short time every order came, directed properly to the person who had given
+      it! Coffins and coffin-plates, silk shrouds and velvet palls, and all the
+      expensive paraphernalia of the charnel-house were to be seen carried about
+      from the waggon-office in Bolton, to be delivered at the residences of the
+      principal inhabitants. Many refused to receive these mementoes of their
+      terrestrial life, and others denied having ever ordered the same. Sable,
+      however, proved himself too <i>fast a trotter</i> for the Bolton people;
+      for having, by the assistance of the waiter, obtained the true description
+      of his <span class="pagenum">[256]</span>customers on the night of the
+      joke, and finding they were most of them wealthy tradesmen, he very wisely
+      determined to humour the whim, and execute the orders given, and in due
+      course of time insisted upon payment for the same. Thus ended the story of
+      the Bolton trotters, which our merry companion concluded, by observing,
+      that it put an end to sporting, in that way, for some time; and by the
+      chagrin it caused to many of the trottees, distanced them in this life,
+      and sent them off the course in a galloping consumption.{1} "There's
+      honour for you," said Sable, "civilized a
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 <i>A Bolton definition</i>.&mdash;When the Bolton Canal was first
+     pro-posed, the Athenians (for that Bolton is the Athens of
+     Lancashire no one can doubt) could not well understand how
+     boats were to be raised above the level of the sea. A lock
+     to them was as incom-prehensible as Locke on the Human
+     Understanding. A celebrated member of a celebrated trotting
+     club was amongst the number of those who could not
+     comprehend the mystery. Unwilling to appear ignorant upon a
+     question which formed the common topic of conversation, he
+     applied to a scientific gentleman in the neighbourhood for
+     an accurate description of a lock. It happened that the man
+     of science had on one occasion been a <i>trottee</i>, and was
+     glad to have an opportunity of retaliation. "A lock," said
+     he, "is a quantity of sawdust congealed into boards, which,
+     being let down into the water in a perpendicular slope-
+     level, raises it to the declivity of the sea above!"&mdash;" Eh?"
+     said the Athenian, "what dun yo' say?" The gentleman
+     repeated his description, and the worthy Boltonian recorded
+     every word in the tablet of his memory. Sometime afterwards
+     he had the honour of dining with some worshipful brothers of
+     the quorum, men as profoundly ignorant of the law as any of
+     the unpaid magistracy need to be, but who, having seen
+     canals, knew well enough what locks were. Our Athenian took
+     an early opportunity of adverting to the proposed "cut," and
+     introduced his newly-acquired learning in the following
+     terms: "Ah! Measter Fletcher, it's a foine thing a lock;
+     yo' know'n I loike to look into them theere things; a lock
+     is a perpendicular slop level, which, being let into the
+     sea, is revealed into boards, that raises it to the
+     declivity of the sea above!"&mdash;As it is the province and
+     privilege of the ignorant to laugh at a greater degree of
+     ignorance than their own, it may be supposed that their
+     worships enjoyed a hearty laugh at the expense of their
+     Attic brother.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[257]</span>whole district of English barbarians by
+      one action, and, what is more, they have never ventured to trot with any
+      one of our fraternity since."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The conversation now took a turn relative to the affairs of trade; and if
+      any one had been desirous of knowing the exact degree of solvency in which
+      the whole population of the county of Gloucester was held by these flying
+      merchants and factors, they might easily have summed up the estimate from
+      the remarks of the company. They were, however, a jovial party; and my
+      friend Bob and myself had rarely found ourselves more pleasantly
+      circumstanced, either as regarded our social comforts, or the continued
+      variety of new character with which the successive speakers presented us.
+      As the evening approached our numbers gradually diminished, some to pursue
+      their journeys, and others to facilitate the purposes of trade. The
+      representative of the house of Blackstrap and Co., his friend Sable, the
+      timber merchant, our inviter the bookseller, and the two interlopers,
+      remained fixed as fate to the festive board, until the chairman, and
+      scarce any one of the company, could clearly define, divide, and arrange
+      the exact arithmetical proportions of the dinner bill. After a short
+      cessation of hostilities, during which our commercial friends despatched
+      their London letters, and Bob and the English Spy, to escape the suspicion
+      of not having any definable pursuit, emigrated to the High Street; we
+      returned to our quarters, and found the whole party debating upon a
+      proposition of the bon vivants, to have another bottle, and make a night
+      of it by going to the theatre at half price; a question that was
+      immediately carried, <i>nemine contradicente</i>. Mr. Margin, our esteemed
+      companion, who represented the old established house of Sherwood and Co.,
+      was known to sing a good stave, and what was still more attractive, was
+      himself a child of song&mdash;one of the inspired of the nine, who, at the
+      Anacreontic Club, held in Ivy Lane, would often amuse <span class="pagenum">[258]</span>the
+      society with an original chant; "whose fame," as Blackstrap expressed it,
+      "had extended itself to the four corners of the island, wherever the
+      sporting works of Sherwood and Co., or the travelled histories of the
+      Messrs. Longmans, have found readers and admirers." "Gentlemen," said Mr.
+      Margin, "my songs are all of a local nature; whims written to amuse a
+      meeting of the trade for a dinner at the Albion or the London, when the
+      booksellers congregate together to buy copyrights, or sell at a reduced
+      price the refuse of their stock. But, such as it is, you shall have it
+      instanter."
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          ALL THE BOOKSELLERS;
+
+          A NEW SONG, BY A LONDON TRAVELLER.
+
+          Tune&mdash;Family Pride&mdash;Irish air.
+
+          First, Longmans are famous for travels,
+          Will Sherwood for sporting and fun,
+          Old Ridgway the science unravels
+          How politic matters are done.
+
+          The ponderous tomes of deep learning,
+          The heavy, profound, and the flat,
+          By Baldwin and Cradock's discerning,
+          Are cheaper by half to come at.
+
+          Baines deals out to methodist readers
+          Cant, piously strung into rhyme;
+          While Rivingtons, 'gainst the seceders,
+          With church and king Hatchard will chime.
+
+          John Murray's the lords' own anointed,
+          I mean not indeed to blaspheme,
+          But the peers have him solely appointed
+          To sell what their highnesses scheme.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[259]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Colburn defies Day and Martin
+          To beat him with " Real Japan;"
+          If puffing will sell books, 'tis certain,
+          He'll rival the bookselling clan.
+
+          Catechisms for miss and for master,
+          For ladies who're fond oft, romance,
+          Sheriff Whittaker publishes faster
+          Than booksellers' porters can dance.
+
+          Operatives, mechanics, combiners,
+          Knight and Lacey will publish for you;
+          They'll tickle ye out of your shiners,
+          By teaching the power o' the screw.
+
+          An Architect looks out for Taylor,
+          A General Egerton seeks;
+          Tommy Tegg at the trade is a railer,
+          But yet for a slice of it sneaks.
+
+          Richardson furnishes India
+          With all books from Europe she buys;
+          Near St. Paul's, in Old Harris's window,
+          The juveniles look for a prize.
+
+          Cadell is Scotch Ebony's factor,
+          Collecting the news for Blackwood;
+          John Miller 's the man for an actor,
+          America 's done him some good.
+
+          The Newmans of fam'd Leadenhall
+          In very old novels abound;
+          While Kelly, respected by all,
+          As Sheriff of London is found.
+
+          Will Simpkin supplieth the trade
+          From his office in Stationers' Court;
+          And Stockdale too much cash has made
+          By publishing Harriette 's report.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[260]</span>THE ENGLISH SPY
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Antiquarians seek Arch of Cornhill;
+          Joe Butterworth furnishes law;
+          And Major his pockets will fill
+          By giving to Walton <i>éclat</i>.
+
+          Where, with old Parson Ambrose, the legs
+          Once in Gothic Hall pigeons could fleece,
+          There, Hurst and Co. now hang on pegs
+          The fine arts of Rome and of Greece.
+
+          John Ebers with Opera dancers
+          Is too much engaged for to look
+          How the bookselling business answers,
+          And publishes only "Ude's Cook."
+
+          Hookham and Carpenter both are
+          As cautious as caution can be;
+          While Andrews, nor Chapple, a sloth are
+          In trade, both as lib'ral as free.
+
+          Billy Sams is a loyal believer,
+          And publishes prints by the score;
+          But his likeness, I will not deceive her,
+          Of Chester <i>is not con amore</i>.
+
+          If the world you are ganging to see,
+          Its manners and customs to note,
+          In the Strand, you must call upon Leigh,
+          Where you'll find a directory wrote.
+
+          Cincinnatus like, guiding the plough,
+          On Harding each farmer still looks;
+          Clerc Smith is the man for a bow,
+          And his shop is as famous for books.
+
+          <i>Facetiæ</i> collectors, give ear,
+          Who with Mack letter spirits would deal;
+          If rich in old lore you'd appear,
+          Pay a visit to Priestley and Weale.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[261]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          There's Ogle, and Westley, and Black,
+          With Mawman, and Kirby, and Cole,
+          And Souter, and Wilson&mdash;alack!
+          I cannot distinguish the whole.
+
+          For Robins, and Hunter, and Poole,
+          And Evans, and Scholey, and Co.
+          Would fill out my verse beyond rule,
+          And my Pegasus halts in the Bow.
+
+          The radicals all are done up;
+          Sedition is gone to the dogs;
+          And Benbow and Cobbett may sup
+          With their worthy relations the Hogs.
+
+          So here I will wind up my list
+          With Underwood, Callow, and Highley;
+          Who bring to the medicals grist,
+          By books on diseases wrote dryly.
+
+          Just one word at parting I crave&mdash;
+          If Italian, French, German, or Dutch,
+          To bother your noddle you'd have,
+          Send to Berthoud, or Treuttel and Wurtz,
+
+          Or Zotti, or Dulau, or Bohn,
+          But they're all very good in their way;
+          Bossange, Bothe, Boosey and Son,
+          All expect <i>Monsieur Jean</i> Bull to pay.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      "A right merrie conceit it is," said Blackstrap, "and an excellent
+      memoranda of the eminent book-sellers of the present time." "Ay, sir,"
+      continued the veteran; "all our old ballads had the merit of being useful,
+      as well as amusing. There was 'Chevy Chase, and 'King John and his
+      Barons,' and 'Merry Sherwood,' all of them exquisite chants; conveying
+      information to the mind, and relating some grand historical fact, while
+      they charmed the ear. But <span class="pagenum">[262]</span>your modern
+      kickshaws are all about 'No, my love, no,' or 'Sigh no more, lady,' or
+      some such silly stuff that nobody cares to learn the words of, or can
+      understand if they did. I remember composing a ballad in this town myself,
+      some few years since, on a very strange adventure that happened to one of
+      our commercial brethren. He had bought an old hunter at Bristol to finish
+      his journey homeward with, on account of his former horse proving lame,
+      and just as he was entering Cheltenham by the turnpike-gate at the end of
+      the town, the whole of the Berkeley Hunt were turning out for a day's run,
+      and having found, shot across the road in full cry. Away went the dogs,
+      and away went the huntsmen, and plague of any other way would the old
+      hunter go: so, despite of the two hundred weight of perfumery samples
+      contained in his saddle-bags, away went Delcroix's deputy over hedge and
+      ditch, and straight forward for a steeple chase up the Cleigh Hills; but
+      in coming down rather briskly, the courage of the old horse gave way, and
+      down he came as groggy before as a Chelsea pensioner, smashing all the
+      appendages of trade, and spilling their contents upon the ground, besides
+      raising such an odoriferous effluvia on the field, that every one present
+      smelt the joke.&mdash;But you shall have the song."
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          THE KNIGHT OF THE SADDLE-BAGS;
+
+          A TRUE RELATION   OF   A   TRAVELLER'S
+          ADVENTURE  AT CHELTENHAM.
+
+          Tune&mdash;The Priest of Kajaga.
+
+          A knight of the saddle-bags, jolly and gay,
+          Rode near to blithe Cheltenham's town;
+          His coat was a drab, and his wig iron-gray,
+          And the hue of his nag was a brown.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[263]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          From Bristol, through Glo'ster, the merry man came;
+          And jogging along in a trot,
+          On the road happ'd to pass him, in pursuit of game,
+          Of Berkeley's huntsmen a lot.
+
+          Tally-ho! tally-ho! from each voice did resound;
+          Hark forward! now cheer'd the loud pack;
+          Sir knight found his horse spring along like a hound,'
+          For the devil could not hold him back.
+
+          Away went sly Reynard, away went sir knight,
+          With the saddle-bags beating the side
+          Of his horse, as he gallop'd among them in fright;
+          'Twas in vain that the hunt did deride.
+
+          Now up the Cleigh Hills, and adown the steep vale,
+          Crack, crack, went the girths of his saddle;
+          Sir knight was dismounted, O piteous tale!
+          In wasjies the fishes might paddle.
+
+          As prostrate he lay, an old hound that way bent
+          Gave tongue as he pass'd him along;
+          Which attracted the pack, who  thus drawn by the scent,
+          Would have very soon ended his song.
+
+          For O! it was strange, but, though strange, it was true!
+          With perfumery samples, his bags
+          With essences, musks, and rich odours a few,
+          He had joined peradventure the nag's.
+
+          The field took the joke in good-humour and jest;
+          Sir knight was invited to dine
+          At the Plough the same day, where a fine haunch was dress'd,
+          And Naylor gave excellent wine.
+
+          From that time, 'raong the Chelts, has a knight of the bag
+          Been look'd on as a man of spirit;
+          For who but a knight could have hunted a nag
+          So laden, and come off with merit?
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[264]</span>A visit from two of the commercial
+      gentlemen of the Fleece gave Blackstrap another opportunity of showing
+      off, which he did not fail to avail himself of in no very measured paces,
+      by ridiculing the rival house, and extending his remarks to the taste of
+      the frequenters. To which one of them replied, "Mine host of the fleece is
+      no 'wolf in sheep's clothing,' but a right careful good shepherd, who
+      provides well for his flock; and although the fleece hangs over his door,
+      it is not symbolical of any fleecing practices within." "Ay," said the
+      other, defending his hotel; "then, sir, we live like farmers at a
+      harvest-home, and sleep on beds of down beneath coverings of lamb's wool;
+      and our attendant nymphs of the chamber are as beautiful and lively as
+      Arcadian shepherdesses, and chaste as the goddess Diana." "Very good,"
+      retorted Blackstrap; "but you know, gentlemen, that the beaux of this
+      house must be better off for the belle. We will allow you of the Fleece
+      your rustic enjoyments, seeing that you are country gentlemen, for your
+      hotel is certainly out of the town." A good-natured sally that quickly
+      restored harmony, and called forth another song from the muse of
+      Blackstrap.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          HEALTH, COMPETENCE, AND GOOD-HUMOUR.
+
+          Let titles and fame on ambition be shed,
+          Or history's page of great heroes relate;
+          The motto I'd choose to encircle my head
+          Is competence, health, and good-humour elate.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[265]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          The chaplet of virtue, by friendship entwined,
+          Sheds a lustre that rarely encircles the great;
+          While health and good-humour eternally find
+          A competence smiling on every state.
+
+          No luxuries seeking my board to encumber,
+          Contented receiving what Providence sends;
+          Age brightens with pleasure, while virtue may number
+          Competence, health, and good-humour as friends.
+
+          Then, neighbours, let's smile at old Chronos and care;
+          Still shielded with honour, we're fearless of fate:
+          With the sports of the field and the joys of the fair,
+          We've competence, health, and good-humour elate.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      At the conclusion of this fresh specimen of our chairman's original
+      talent, it was proposed we should adjourn to the theatre, where certain
+      fashionable amateurs were amusing themselves at the expense of the public.
+      "Sir, I dislike these half and half vagabonds," said Blackstrap, with one
+      of his original gestures, "who play with an author before the public, that
+      they may the more easily play with an actress in private. Yon coxcomb, for
+      instance, who buffoons Brutus, with his brothers, are indeed capital
+      brutes by nature, but as deficient of the art histrionic as any biped
+      animals well can be. I remember a very clever artist exhibiting a picture
+      of the colonel and his mother's son, Augustus, with a Captain Austin, in
+      the exhibition of the Royal Academy for the year 1823, in the characters
+      of Brutus, Marc Antony, and Julius Cæsar, which caused more fun than
+      anything else in the collection, and produced more puns among the
+      cognoscenti than any previous work of art ever gave rise to. The Romans
+      were such rum ones&mdash;Brutus was a black down-looking biped, with gray
+      whiskers, and a growl upon his lip; Marc Antony, without the remotest mark
+      of the ancient hero about him; and <span class="pagenum">[266]</span>Cassius
+      looked as if he had been cashiered by the commander of some strolling
+      company of itinerants for one, whose placid face could neither move to
+      woe, nor yield grimace; and yet they were all accounted excellent
+      likenesses, perfect originals, like Wombwell's bonassus, only not quite so
+      natural."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      During this rhapsody of Blackstrap's, Transit on the one side, and the
+      English Spy on the other, endeavoured to restrain the torrent of his
+      satire by assuring him that the very persons he was alluding to were the
+      amateurs on the stage before him; and that certain critical faces behind
+      him were paid like the painter, of whom he had previously spoken, to
+      produce flattering portraits in print, and might possibly make a satirical
+      sketch of the bon vivant at the same time; an admonition that had not the
+      slightest effect in abridging his strictures upon amateur actors. But as
+      the English Spy intends to finish his sketches on this subject, in a visit
+      to the national theatres, he has until then treasured up in his mind's
+      stores the excellent and apposite, though somewhat racy anecdotes, with
+      which the comical commercial critic illustrated his discourse.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The "liquor in, the wit's out," saith the ancient proverb; and, although
+      my "Spirit in the Clouds" had already hinted at the dangerous consequences
+      likely to result from a visit to the "Oakland Cottages," yet such was the
+      flexibility of my friend Transit's ethics, his penchant for a spree, and
+      the volatile nature of his disposition, when the ripe Falerian set the red
+      current mantling in his veins, that not all my philosophy, nor the sage
+      monitions of Blackstrap, nor thought, nor care, nor friendly intercession
+      could withhold the artist from making a pilgrimage to the altar of love.
+      For be it known to the amorous beau, these things are not permitted to
+      pollute the sanctity of the sainted Chelts; but in a snug convent, situate
+      a full mile and a half from Cheltenham, at the extremity <span
+      class="pagenum">[267]</span>of a lane where four roads meet, and under the
+      Cleigh Hills, the lady abbess and the fair sisters of Cytherea perform
+      their midnight mysteries, secure from magisterial interference, or the
+      rude hand of any pious parochial poacher. Start not, gentle reader; I
+      shall not draw aside the curtain of delicacy, or expose "the secrets of
+      the prison-house:" it is enough for me to note these scenes in half tints,
+      and leave the broad effects of light and shadow to the pencils of those
+      who are amorously inclined and well-practised in giving the finishing&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;touch.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But to return to my friend Transit. Bright Luna tipt with silvery hue the
+      surrounding clouds, and o'er the face of nature spread her mystic light;
+      the blue concave of high heaven was illumined by a countless host of
+      starry meteors, and the soft note of Philomel from the grove came upon the
+      soul-delighted ear like the sweet breathings of the Eolian harp, or the
+      celestial cadences of that heart-subduing cherub, Stephens; when we set
+      out on our romantic excursion. Reader, you may well start at the
+      introduction of the plural number; but say, what man could abandon his
+      friend to such a dangerous enterprise? or what moralists refuse his
+      services where there was such a probability of there being so much need
+      for them? But we are poor frail mortals; so a truce with apology, or
+      prithee accept one in the language of Moore:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+         "Dear creatures! we can't live without them,
+         They're all that is sweet and seducing to man;
+         Looking, sighing, about and about them,
+         We dote on them, die for them, do all we can."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      To be brief: we found excellent accommodation, and spent the night
+      pleasantly, free from the sin of single blessedness. Many a choice
+      anecdote did the Paphian divinities furnish us with of the <i>gay
+      well-known</i> among the Chelts; stories that will be told again and again
+      over the friendly bottle, but must not be recorded <span class="pagenum">[268]</span>here.
+      Whether Transit, waking early from his slumbers, was paying his devotions
+      to Venus or the water-bottle, I know not; but I was awoke by him about
+      eight in the morning, and heard the loud echo of the huntsman's hallo in
+      my ear, summoning me to rise and away, for the sons of Nimrod had beset
+      the house; information which I found, upon looking through the window, was
+      alarmingly true, but which did not appear either to surprise or affright
+      the fair occupants of the cottages, who observed, it was only some of the
+      "Berkeley Hunt going out," (See Plate), who, if they did not find any
+      where else, generally came looking after a brush in that neighbourhood.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0012" id="Dimage-0012">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page268.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page268th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page268" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Then the best thing we can do," said Transit, "is to brush off, before
+      they brush up stairs and discover a couple of poachers among their game."
+      This, however, the ladies would by no means admit, and the huntsmen
+      quickly riding away, we took our chocolate with the lady abbess and her
+      nuns, made all matters perfectly pleasant, saluted the fair at parting,
+      and bade adieu to the Oakland Cottages.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Upon our return to our inn, we received a good-humoured lecture from
+      Blackstrap, who was just, as he phrased it, on the wing for Bristol and
+      Bath, "where" said he, "if you will meet me at old Matthew Temple's, the
+      Castle Inn, I will engage to give you a hearty welcome, and another bottle
+      of the old particular;" a proposition that was immediately agreed to, as
+      the route we had previously determined upon. One circumstance had, during
+      our sojourn in the west, much annoyed my friend Transit and myself; we had
+      intended to have been present at the Doncaster race meeting for 1825, and
+      have booked both the betting men and their betters. Certainly a better bit
+      of sport could never have been anticipated, but we were neither of us
+      endowed with ubiquity, and were therefore compelled to cry content in the
+      west when our hearts and inclinations were in the <span class="pagenum">[269]</span>north.
+      "If now your 'Spirit in the Clouds,' your merry unknown, he that sometimes
+      shoots off his witty arrows at the same target with ourselves, should
+      archly suspect that old Tom Whipcord was not upon the turf, I would
+      venture a cool hundred against the field, that we should have a report
+      from him, 'ready cut and dried,' and quite as full of fun and whim as if
+      you had been present yourself, Master Bernard, aided and assisted by our
+      ally, Tom Whipcord of Oxford." "Heaven forgive you, Blackmantle, for the
+      sins you have laid upon that old man's back! You are not content with
+      working him hard in the 'Annals' every month, but you must make him mount
+      the box of some of the short stages, and drive over the rough roads of the
+      metropolis, where he is in danger of having his wheel locked, or meeting
+      with a regular upset at every turn." Though Bob has given sufficient
+      proofs of his spirit in danger, I certainly never suspected him to be
+      possessed of the spirit of divination, and yet his prophetic address had
+      scarcely concluded before Boots announced a parcel for Bernard
+      Blackmantle, Esq. forwarded from London, per favour of Mr. Williams. And,
+      Heaven preserve me from the charge of imposing upon my reader's credulity!
+      but, as I live, it was his very hand&mdash;another sketch by my attendant
+      sprite, "the Spirit in the Clouds," and to the very tune of Transit's
+      anticipations, and my wishes.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dlink2H_4_0007" id="Dlink2H_4_0007">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      A FAMILIAR EPISTLE TO BERNARD BLACKMANTLE, ESQ.,
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      HUMOROUS DESCRIPTION OF DONCASTER
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      RACES, THE GREAT ST. LEGER, HORSES, AND CHARACTERS, IN 1825. BY AN HONEST
+      REVIEWER,
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      ALIAS "The spirit in the clouds."{1}
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "All hail, great master! grave sir, hail! I come
+          To answer thy best pleasure; be't to fly,
+          To swim, to dive into the fire, to ride
+          On the curl'd clouds; to thy strong bidding, task
+          Ariel, and all his quality.
+
+          Prospero. Why, that's my spirit!
+          Shakspeare&mdash;Tempest.
+
+          "Good morrow to my worthy masters; and a merry Christmas
+          to you all!"&mdash;The Bellman.
+
+          "Mendiei, mimi, balatrones."&mdash;Hor.
+          "Mimics, beggars, and characters of all sorts and sizes."
+          &mdash;Free Translation.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      My Good Mr. Spy,
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Will you not exclaim, Mercy upon us! here is a text and title as long and
+      as voluminous as a modern publication, or the sermon of the fox-hunting
+      parson, who, when compelled to
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 See last number of the Spy, Part XXI. p. 273.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[271]</span>preach on a saint's day, mounted the
+      pulpit in his sporting toggery, using his gown as "a cloak of
+      maliciousness?" But have patience, sweet Spy; be kindly-minded, dear
+      Bernard: like John of Magna Charta memory, "I have a thing to say;" and do
+      now be a good attentive Hubert to hear me out.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Indeed, since you have inspirited, if not inspired me, by the 'immortal
+      honour' of dubbing me your 'associate,' I were wanting in common gratitude
+      not to attempt, by the return of moon, for I believe that luminary, like
+      your numbers, comes out new every fourth week, to convey to you the
+      swellings-over of my gratitude for the kind and fine things you have been
+      pleased to cheer me with; although even yet, though the time will come, I
+      can neither withdraw my vizor, nor disclose my 'family cognomen.'
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0013" id="Dimage-0013">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page271.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page271th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page271" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It was true, and joy it was 'twas true, that we were at rowings, sailings,
+      feastings, and dancings together, but how comes it we were not at the
+      great racings together? that neither you, nor your ministers, they who,
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "&mdash;&mdash;correspondent to command,
+          Perform thy spiriting gently&mdash;&mdash;"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      were at the grand muster of the North, the Doncaster meeting? Bernard, I
+      tell thee all the world was there; from royalty and loyalty down to the
+      dustman and democracy. Then such "sayings and doings," a million of hooks
+      could hardly have had an eye to all. You have read of the confusion of
+      tongues, of "Babel broke loose," of the crusaders' contributory encampment
+      peopled by dozens of nations; you have seen the inside of a patent theatre
+      on the first night of a Christmas pantomime, or mingled in an Opera-house
+      masquerade; have listened to a Covent-garden squabble, a Billingsgate
+      commotion, or a watch-house row; but in the whole course of your life,
+      varied as <span class="pagenum">[272]</span>it has been, active as it has
+      proved, you never have, never could have experienced any thing at all to
+      eclipse or even to equal the "hey, fellow, well met" congregatory musters,
+      and the "beautiful and elegant confusions" of Doncaster town in the race
+      week of (September) eighteen hundred and twenty-five!
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      I am not, however, about to inflict upon you a "list of the horses," nor
+      "the names, weights, and colours of the riders;" but I cannot help
+      thinking that the English Spy will not have quite completed his admirable
+      gallery of portraits, and his unique museum of curiosities for the benefit
+      and delight of posterity, if he omit placing in their already splendid
+      precincts two or three heads and sketches, which the genius of notoriety
+      is ready to contribute as her own, and which to pass over would be as
+      grievous to miss, as Mrs. Waylett's breeches,{2} characters at the
+      Haymarket Theatre, or a solution of Euclid by one of Dr. Birkbeck's
+      "operatives."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Allow me, then, who am not indeed "without vanity," once more to "stand by
+      your side," or rather for you, and to attempt, albeit I have not your
+      magic pencil, another taste of my quality, by dashing off <i>con amore</i>
+      the lions of the North.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     2 There frequently occur circumstances in a younker's life
+     which lie never, in all his after career, forgets. I
+     remember a very worthy and a very handsome old gentlewoman,
+     the wife of an eminent physician, once being exceedingly
+     wroth, it was almost the only time I ever knew her seriously
+     angry, because a nephew of hers asserted all women were,
+     what in the vulgate is called "knock-knee'd," and almost
+     threatened to prove the contrary. Had she lived in our days,
+     the truth, almost on any evening on our stage, might be
+     ascertained, and I fear not at all to the satisfaction of
+     the defender of her sex's shape. Nature never intended women
+     to wear the breeches, and the invention of petticoats was
+     the triumph of art. Why will Eve's daughters publicly
+     convince us they are not from top to toe perfect?
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[273]</span>As, however, some that attend my sitting
+      are quite as difficult to manage as the conspirators of Prospero's isle,
+      it may be as well if, like Ariel, I sing to them as I lay on the colours
+      of identification. Bear in mind still, that I am a "spirit in the clouds,"
+      and, therefore, there can be nothing of "<i>michin malachi</i>" in my
+      melody.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          I love a race-course, that I do;
+          But then, good folks, it is as true,
+          Only don't blab, I tell it you,
+          I can't love all its people;
+
+          For though I'm somewhat down and fly,
+          Is slang gone out, sweet Mister Spy?
+          Of trade with them I am as shy
+          As jumping from a steeple.
+
+          Yet what with fashion's feather'd band,
+          And pawing steeds, and crowded stand;
+          Its sights are really very grand,
+          Which to deny were sin.
+
+          But then, though fast the horses run,
+          Few gain by "clone," and "done," and "done,"
+          For what a damper to the fun!
+          Those "only laugh who win."
+
+          Oh! what a mixture must we greet
+          In rooms, at inns, on turf, in street;
+          Be "hand and glove" with all we meet,
+          Old files, and new-bronzed faces!
+
+          With marquis, lord, and duke, and squire,
+          We now keep up the betting fire;
+          And then the guard of the "Highflyer"
+          We book at Northern races.{3}
+
+     3 A song would be no song at all without notes; I must
+     there-fore try a few. I can assure you they are not mere
+     humming ones. <i>Allons</i>&mdash;"all is not gold that glitters,"
+     neither is it all "prunella" that blows a horn upon the
+     stern of a coach. The "York Highflyer" I really am not to go
+     down gratis "next jour-ney" for puffing it is a good coach,
+     and the guard is a good guard, and he ventured a "good bit"
+     of money on the Léger, and was "floored," for "Cleveland"
+     was a slow one. However, it didn't balk his three days'
+     holiday, nor spoil his new coat, nor blight his nosegay. I
+     saw him after his defeat, looking as rosy as Pistol, and
+     heard him making as much noise as one; "nor malice domestic
+     nor foreign levy" could hurt him.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[274]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Look in that room,{4} judge for yourself;
+          See what a struggle's made for wealth,
+          What crushings, bawlings for the pelf,
+          'Twixt high heads and low legs.
+
+          That is Lord K&mdash;&mdash;,{5} and that Lord D&mdash;&mdash;-,{5}
+          That's Gully{6}; yon's fishmonger C;{5}
+          A octree-man that; that, Harry Lee,{5}
+          Who stirr'd Mendoza's pegs.
+
+          Or walk up stairs; behold yon board,
+          Rich with its thrown-down paper hoard,
+          But oh! abused, beset, adored
+          By wine-warm'd folks o' nights.
+
+          The playing cog, the paying peer,
+          Pigeon and Greek alike are here;
+          And some are clear'd, and others clear;
+          Ask Bayner,{6} and such wights.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     4  The new subscription room; where down stairs more than
+     the "confusion of tongues" prevails, and above a man's
+     character, if in-sured, would go under the column of "trebly
+     hazardous." It is really a pity that hone-racing should
+     appear so close a neighbour to gambling as it does at
+     Doncastor.
+
+     5  My men of letters are not merely alphabet men, but bona
+     fide characters of consideration upon the turf. I confess
+     Lord Kennedy is a bit of a favourite of mine, ever since I
+     saw him so good-natured at the pigeon-shooting matches at
+     Battersea; and greatly rejoiced was I to find him unplucked
+     at the more desperate wagerings of the North. He really is
+     clever in the main, and no subject for St. Luke's, though he
+     depends much on a bedlamite. Gulley, Crock-ford, and Bland,
+     need no character; and every body knows Harry Lee fought a
+     pluck battle with old Dan. But it is "box Harry" with
+     fighters now.
+
+     6  Poor Rayner of C. G. T.&mdash;hundreds at one fell swoop! all
+     his morning's winnings gone in one evening's misfortune. Let
+     him think on't when next he plays "the School of Reform."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[275]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Nay, thick as plagues of Egypt swarm
+          These emblems of the devil's charm,
+          When the fall'n angel works a harm
+          To Eve's demented brood;
+
+          Worse than of famish'd shark the maw,
+          Worse than snake's tooth, or tiger's claw,
+          The gambler's fish{7} spits from its maw
+          Hell's poison-filled food!
+
+          But, halt! Who're they so deep in port,
+          Who jostle thus the dons of sport,
+          With all th' assumed airs of court,
+          From which indeed they are?
+
+          But not from court of Carlton,
+          Nor James's Court, nor any one;
+          But where "the fancy" used to run
+          To see the creatures spar.
+
+          The one's a diamond, that you see,
+          But yet a black one I agree,
+          And in the way of chancery
+          A smart Ward in his time;
+
+          The other he's from Vinsor down,
+          And though a great gun in that town,
+          Has lately been quite basted brown,
+          And gone off&mdash;out of time.{8}
+
+     7  The spotted ball now, worse in its woe-causing than the
+     apple of Ida, is disgorged from a splendidly gilded fish.
+     What a pity it is that the eternal vociforators of "red
+     wins, black loses," et vice versa, could not be turned into
+     Jonahs, and their odd fish into a whale, and let all be cast
+     into the troubled waters (without a three days' redemption)
+     they brew for others!
+
+     8  "There never were such times." X Xs, in the ring, and
+     failures in the Fives Court, overcome us now without our
+     special wonder; for boxers are become betters to extents
+     that would make the fathers of the P.R. bless themselves and
+     bolt. Cannon and Ward were, however, both on the right side,
+     and the nods with which they honoured their old acquaintance
+     were certainly improvements upon the style of the academy
+     for manners in Saint Martin's Street.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[276]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Look, here's a bevy; who but they!
+          Just come to make the poor Tykes pay
+          The charge of post-horses and chay,
+          That brought them to some tune;
+
+          Lo! Piccadilly Goodered laughs,
+          As when some novice, reeling, quaffs
+          His gooseberry wine in tipsy draughts,
+          At his so pure saloon.{9}
+
+          Good gracious, too! (oh, what a trade
+          Can oyster sales at night be made!)
+          Here swallowing wine, like lemonade,
+          Sits Mrs. H's man{10}!
+
+          And by the Loves and Graces all,
+          By Vestris' trunks, Maria's shawl,
+          There trots the nun herself, so tall,
+          A flirting of a fan,
+
+          And blushing like the "red, red rose,"
+          With paly eyes and a princely nose,
+          And laced in Nora Crinas clothes,
+          (Cool, like a cucumber,)
+
+          With beaver black, with veil so green,
+          And huntress boots 'neath skirt quite clean,
+          She looks Diana's self&mdash;<i>a quean</i>,
+          In habit trimm'd with fur.
+
+          And Mr. Wigelsworth he flew,{11}
+          And Miss and Mistress W.
+          To bow and court'sy to the new
+          Arrival at their Boy;
+
+     9  "Lightly tread, 'tis hallow'd ground." I dare not go on;
+     you have been before me, Bernard: (vide vol. i. p. 295, of
+     Spy). But really it will be worth while for us to look in on
+     Goodered some fine morning, say three, a.m., when he gets
+     his print of Memnon home, to which, at Sheardowns, he was so
+     liberal as to subscribe. He will discourse to you of the
+     round table!
+
+     10  "If I stand here, I saw him."&mdash;Shakespeare, Hamlet.
+
+     11 The host of the Black Boy at Doncastor, who really pro-
+     vided race ordinaries in no ordinary way.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[277]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Though he was Black, yet she was fair;
+          And sure I am that nothing there
+          With that clear nymph could aught compare,12
+          Or more glad eyes employ.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      But where there is, after all, but little reason in many of the scenes
+      witnessed at the period I quote, why should I continue to rhyme about
+      them? Let it therefore suffice, that with much of spirit there was some
+      folly, with a good deal of splendour an alloy of dross, and, with real
+      consequence, a good deal of that which was assumed. Like a showy drama,
+      the players (there was a goodly company in the north), dresses (they were
+      of all colours of the rainbow), and decorations (also various and
+      admirable), during the time of performance, were of the first order; but
+      that over, and the green and dressing rooms displayed many a hero sunk
+      into native insignificance, and the trappings of Tamerlane degenerated to
+      the hungry coat of a Jeremy Diddler (and there were plenty of "Raising the
+      Wind" professors at Doncaster), or the materiel of the king and queen of
+      Denmark to the dilapidated wardrobe of Mr. and Mrs. Sylvester Daggerwood.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <i>Mais apropos de le drame, Monsieur L'Espion</i>, what is your report of
+      our theatres? Have you seen the monkeys? Are they not, for a classic
+      stage, grand,
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          &mdash;&mdash;Those happiest smiles
+          That play'd on her ripe lip, seem'd not to know
+          What guests were in her eyes, which parted thence
+          As pearls from diamonds dropt. In brief,
+          Her room would be a rarity most beloved,
+          If all could so become it."
+
+          Shakespeare, a little altered.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      I would just say here, that if any disapprove of my picture of the lady,
+      they may take Bernard Blackmantle's <span class="pagenum">[278]</span><i>magnifique,
+      et admirable</i>? Do they not awake in you visions of rapturous delight,
+      as you contrast their antics and mimicry, their grotesque and beautiful
+      grimaces, their cunning leers, with the eye of Garrick, the stately action
+      of Kemble, the sarcasm of Cooke, the study of Henderson, the commanding
+      port of Siddons, the fire of Kean, the voice of Young, the tones of
+      O'Neill? When you see them, as the traveller Dampier has it, "dancing from
+      tree to tree over your head," and hear them "chattering, and making a
+      terrible noise," do you not think of Lord Chesterfield, and exclaim, "A
+      well-governed stage is an ornament to society, an encouragement to wit and
+      learning, and a school of virtue, modesty, and good manners?" Do you not
+      feel, when you behold the flesh and blood punch and man-monkey of Covent
+      Garden Theatre "twist his body into all manner of shapes," or "Monsieur
+      Gouffe," of the Surrey, "hang himself for the benefit of Mr. Bradley,"
+      that we may pay our money, and "see, and see, and see again, and still
+      glean something new, something to please, and something to instruct;" and,
+      lastly, in a fit of enthusiasm, exclaim,
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "To wake the soul by tender strokes of art,
+          To raise the genius and to mend the heart,
+          To make mankind in conscious virtue bold,
+          Live o'er each scene, and be what they behold;"
+          For this great Jocko's self first leap'd the stage;
+          For this was puffd in ev'ry well-bribed page,
+          From evening "Courier" down to Sunday "Age!"{13}
+
+     13 It is suspicious, to say the least of it, this excess of
+     praise to an old representation; for, after all, punch, the
+     original punch, punch in the street, though not so loud, is
+     ten times more to "our manner born," and much more original.
+     That the beings who banish legitimate performers should
+     puff, till we grow sick, a "thing of shreds and patches!"
+     But "the world is still deceived by ornament."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[279]</span>But Charles Kemble pays well on
+      occasions, and gold would make "Hyperion" of a "satyr." Seriously, Mr.
+      Blackmantle, the town is overrun with monkeys; they are as busy, and as
+      importunate, as Lady Montague's boys on May day, or the Guy Fawkes
+      representatives on the fifth of November. They are "here, there, and every
+      where," and the baboon monopolists of Exeter 'Change and the Tower are
+      ruined by the importation:&mdash;a free trade in the article with the
+      patentees of our classic theatres, as the purchasing-merchants, has done
+      the business for Mr. Cross and the beef-eaters. Like the Athenian
+      audience, the "thinking people" of England are more pleased with the mimic
+      than the real voice of nature; and the four-footed puggys of the Brazils,
+      like the true pig of the Grecian, are cast in the shade by their reasoning
+      imitator! In short, not to be prosy on a subject which has awakened poetry
+      and passion in all, hear, as the grave-diggers say, "the truth on't."{13}
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          When winter triumph'd o'er the summer's flame,
+          And C. G. opened, Punchinello came;
+          Each odd grimace of monkey-art he drew,
+          Exhausted postures and imagined new:
+          The stage beheld him spurn its bounded reign,
+          And frighten'd fiddlers scraped to him in vain;
+          His seven-leagued leaps so well the fashion fit,
+          That all adore him&mdash;boxes, gallery, pit,{14}
+
+     13 It is suspicious, to say the least of it, this excess of
+     praise to an old representation; for, after all, punch, the
+     original punch, punch in the street, though not so loud, is
+     ten times more to "our manner born," and much more original.
+     That the beings who banish legitimate performers should
+     puff, till we grow sick, a "thing of shreds and patches!"
+     But "the world is still deceived by ornament."
+
+     14 One Dr. Samuel Johnson has something like this, but then
+     his lines were in praise of a "poor player," of a man who
+     wasted much paper in writing dramas now thought nothing of.
+     This is his doggrel.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[280]</span>But I must have done. Christmas will
+      soon be here, and "I have a journey, sirs, shortly to go" to be prepared
+      for its delights, and to fit myself for its festivities; and yet I am
+      unwilling, acute Bernard, merry Echo, cheerful Eglantine, correct Transit,
+      to "shake hands and part," without tendering the coming season's
+      congratulations; so if it like you, dear spies o' the time, I will, like
+      the swan, go off singing.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Marching along with berried brow,
+          And snow flakes on his "frosty pow,"
+          See father Christmas makes his bow,
+          And proffers jovial cheer;
+
+          About him tripping to and fro,
+          Picking the holly as they go,
+          And kiss-allowing misletoe,
+          His merry elves appear.
+
+          Then broach the barrel, fill the bowl,
+          And let us pledge the hearty soul,
+          Though swift the waning minutes roll,
+          And time will stay for none;
+
+          Lads, we will have a gambo still,
+          For though we've made the foolish feel,
+          And shamed the sinner in his ill,
+          Our withers are unwrung.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "When learning's triumph o'er her barb'rous foes
+          First rear'd the stage, immortal Skakspeare rose;
+          Each change of many-colour'd life he drew,
+          Exhausted worlds, and then imagined new;
+
+          Existence saw him spurn her bounded reign,
+          And panting Time toil'd after him in vain:
+          His powerful strokes presiding truth impress'd,
+          And unresisted passion storm'd the breast."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[281]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          No poison in the cup have ye,
+          In all your travell'd history,
+          Pour'd for the hearty, good, and free;
+          This will your book evince:
+
+          So "here's the King!"fill, fill for him,
+          Then for our Country, to the brim;
+          With it, good souls, we'll sink or swim.
+          Huzzah! 'tis gall'd jades wince!
+
+          But now, adieu; o'er hill and plain
+          I scud, ere we shall meet again;
+          Meantime, all prosp'rous be your reign,
+          And friends attend in crowds;
+
+          Before your splendid course is o'er,
+          And Blackmantle shall please no more,
+          You'll know, though yet I'm doom'd to soar,
+          Your Spirit in the Clouds.{15}"
+
+          November, 1825.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Adieu, thou facetious sprite, and may the graybeard Time tread lightly on
+      thy buoyant spirits! Meet thee or not hereafter, thou shalt live in my
+      remembrance a cherished name, long as memory holds her influence o'er the
+      eccentric mind of Bernard Blackmantle. Here, too, must Transit and myself
+      take a farewell of merry Cheltenham, ever on the wing for novelty: our
+      sketches have been brief, but full of genuine character; nor can they, as
+      I hope, be considered in any instance as violating our established rule&mdash;of
+      being true to nature, without offending the ear of chastity, or exciting
+      aught but
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     15 "A. word to the wise," &amp;c. Get honest "Tom Whipcord" to
+     take you by his hand on Valentine's night to the "noctes"
+     muster of the <i>Sporting Annals</i> gents. You will know me by a
+     brace of "bleeding hearts" in my plaited neckerchief, and a
+     blue bunch of ribbons in my sinister side, as big as the
+     Herald newspaper, the gifts of my lady-love.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[282]</span>the approving smile of the lovers of
+      mirth, and the patrons of life's merriments. We had intended to have drawn
+      aside the curtain of the theatre and the castle, and have shown forth to
+      the gaze of the public the unhallowed mysteries which are sometimes
+      performed there; but reflection whispered, that morality might find more
+      cause to blush at the recital than her attendants would benefit by the
+      exposure; and is is lamentably true, that some persons would cheerfully
+      forfeit all claim to respectability of character for the honour of
+      appearing in print, depicted in their true colours, as systematic and
+      profligate seducers. To disappoint this infamous ambition, more than from
+      any fear of the threatened consequences, we have left the sable colonel
+      and his dark satellites to grope on through the murky ways of waywardness
+      and intrigue, without staining our pages with a full relation of their
+      heartless conduct, since to have revived the now forgotten tales might
+      have given additional pain to some beauteous victims whose fair names have
+      dropped into Lethe's waters, like early spring flowers nipped by the
+      lingering hand of slow-paced winter; or, in other instances, have
+      disturbed the repose of an unsuspecting husband, or have stung the aged
+      heart of a doting parent&mdash;evils we could not have avoided, had we
+      determined upon rehearsing the love scenes and intrigues of certain
+      well-known Cheltenham amateurs.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Adieu, merry Chelts! we're for quitting our quarters;
+          Adieu to the chase, to thy walks and thy waters,
+          To thy hunt, ball, and theatre, and card tables too,
+          And to all thy gay fair ones, a long, long adieu!
+
+          Blackmantle and Transit, the Spy and his friend,
+          Through Gloucester and Bristol, to Bath onward bend.
+          To show how amused they have been in your streets,
+          They give you, at parting, this man of sweetmeats;
+
+          A character, famous as Mackey, the dandy,
+          The London importer of horehound and candy;
+          The cheapest of doctors, whose nostrums dispense
+          A cure for all ills that affect taste or sense,
+
+          I doubt not quite as good as one half your M.D.'s,
+          Though sweet is the physic and simple the fees;
+          This, at least, you'll admit, as we dart from your view
+          That our vignette presents you with a sweet adieu!
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dlink2H_4_0008" id="Dlink2H_4_0008">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      A VISIT TO GLOUCESTER AND BERKELEY.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Sketches on the Mood&mdash;Singular Introduction to an old
+     Friend&mdash;A Tithe Cause tried&mdash;A strange Assemblage of
+     Witnesses&mdash;Traits of Character&mdash;Effects of the Farmers'
+     Success&mdash;An odd Cavalcade&mdash;Rejoicings at Berkeley.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[284]</span>The road from Cheltenham to Gloucester
+      affords a good view of the Cotswold and Stroudwater Hills, diversified by
+      the vales of Evesham, Gloucester, and Berkeley, bounded on the east by the
+      Severn, and presenting in many situations a very rich picturesque
+      appearance. We are not of the dull race who dwell on musty records and
+      ancient inscriptions, or travel through a county to collect the precise
+      date when the first stone of some now moss-crowned ruin was embedded in
+      the antique clay beneath. Let the dead sleep in peace; we are not <i>anti-queer-ones</i>
+      enough to wish the mouldering reliques of our ancestors arrayed in
+      chronological order before our eyes, nor do we mean to risk our merry
+      lives in exploring the monastic piles and subterranean vaults and passages
+      of other times. No; our office is with the living, with the enriched
+      Gothic of modern courts, and the finished Corinthian capitals of society,
+      illustrating, as we proceed, with choice specimens of the rustic and the
+      grotesque; now laughing over our wine with the Tuscan bacchanal, or
+      singing a soft tale of love in the ear of some chaste daughter of the
+      composite order; <span class="pagenum">[285]</span>trifling perhaps a
+      little harmless badinage with a simple Ionic, or cracking a college joke
+      with a learned Doric; never troubling our heads, or those of our readers,
+      about the origin or derivation of these orders, whether they came from
+      early Greece or more accomplished Home; or be their progenitors of Saxon,
+      Norman, Danish, or of Anglo-Saxon character, we care not; 'tis ours to
+      depict them as they at present appear, leaving to the profound
+      topographers and compilers of county histories all that relates to the
+      black letter lore of long forgotten days.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Gloucester is proverbial for its dulness, and from the dirty appearance of
+      the streets and houses, was, by my friend Transit, denominated the black
+      city; a designation he maintained to be strictly correct, since it has a
+      cathedral, a bishop, and a black choir of canonicals, and was from
+      earliest times the residence of a black brotherhood of monks, whose black
+      deeds are recorded in the black letter pages of English history; to which
+      was added another confirmatory circumstance, that upon our entrance it
+      happened the assizes for the county had just commenced, and the black
+      gowns of Banco Regis, and of the law, were preparing to try the blacks of
+      Gloucestershire, out of which arose a black joke, that will long be
+      remembered by the inhabitants of Berkeley, and the tenantry of the sable
+      colonel.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We had made our domicile at the Ham Inn, by the recommendation of our
+      Cheltenham host, where we met with excellent accommodations, and what,
+      beside, we could never have anticipated to have met with in such a place,
+      one of the richest scenes that had yet presented itself in the course of
+      our eccentric tour.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The unusual bustle that prevailed in every department of the inn, together
+      with a concatenation of sounds now resembling singing and speaking, and
+      the occasional scraping of some ill-toned violins above our heads, induced
+      us to make a few inquisitive <span class="pagenum">[286]</span>remarks to
+      mine host of the Ham, that quickly put us in possession of the following
+      facts.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      It appeared, that a suit respecting the right of the vicar of Berkeley to
+      the great tithes of that town had been long pending in the court of
+      Chancery, in which the reverend was opposed to his former friend, the
+      colonel, the churchwardens of Berkeley, and the whole of the surrounding
+      tenantry. Now this cause was, by direction of the Lord Chancellor, to be
+      tried at these assizes, and, in consequence, the law agents had been most
+      industrious in bringing together, by subpoena, all the ancient authorities
+      of the county, the aged, the blind, and the halt, to give evidence against
+      their worthy pastor; and as it is most conducive to success in law, the
+      keeping witnesses secure from tampering, and in good-humour with the
+      cause, the legal advisers had prepared such festive cheer at the Bam, for
+      those of the popular interest, as would have done honour to the colonel's
+      banquet at the castle. Such was the information we obtained from our host,
+      to whose kind introduction of us to the lawyers we were afterwards
+      indebted for a very pleasant evening's amusement.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We were ushered into the room by one of the legal agents as two gentlemen
+      from London, who, being strangers in the place, were desirous of being
+      permitted to spend their evening among such a jovial society. The
+      uproarious mirth, and rude welcome, with which this communication was
+      received by the company, added to the clouds of smoke which enveloped
+      their chairman, prevented our immediate recognition of him; but great and
+      pleasant indeed was our surprise to find the most noble, the very learned
+      head of the table, to be no other than our old Eton <i>con.</i> little
+      Dick Gradus, to whose lot it had fallen to conduct this action, and defend
+      the interests of the agriculturalists against the mercenary encroachments
+      of the church militant. This was indeed no common cause; and the greatest
+      difficulty <span class="pagenum">[287]</span>our friend Gradus had to
+      encounter was the restricting within due bounds of moderation the
+      over-zealous feelings of his witnesses. It was quite clear a parson's
+      tithes, if left to the generosity of his parishioners, would produce but a
+      small modicum of his reverence's income. The jovial farmer chuckled with
+      delight at the prospect of being able to curtail the demands of his
+      canonical adversary. "Measter Carrington," said he, "may be a very good
+      zort of a preacher, but I knows he has no zort of business with tithing my
+      property; and if zo be as the gentleman judge will let me, gad zooks! but
+      I will prove my words, better than he did the old earl's marriage, when he
+      made such a fool of himsel' before the peers in parliament." "That's your
+      zort, measter Tiller," resounded from all the voices round the table. "Let
+      the clergy zow for themselves, and grow for themselves, as the varmers do;
+      what a dickens should we work all the week for the good of their bodies,
+      when they only devote one hour in the whole seven days for the benefit of
+      our zouls?" "That's right, Measter Coppinger," said some one next to the
+      speaker; "you are one hundred years of age, and pray how many times have
+      you heard the parson preach?" "I never zeed him in his pulpit in the whole
+      courze of my life; but then you know that were my fault, I might if I
+      would; but I'ze been a main close attendant upon the church for all that:
+      during the old earl's lifetime, I was a sort of deputy huntsman, and then
+      the parson often followed me; and when I got too old to ride, I was made
+      assistant gamekeeper, and then I very often followed the parson; so you
+      zee I'ze a true churchman, every inch of me; only I don't like poaching,
+      and when his reverence wants me to help him sack his tithes, old Jack
+      Coppinger will tell him to his head, he may e'en carry the bag himself."
+      "A toast from the chair! Let's hear the lawyer' zentiments on this
+      zubject," said another; with which request Gradus complied, by giving,
+      "May he who <span class="pagenum">[288]</span>ploughs and plants the soil
+      reap all its fruits!" "Ay, Measter Gradus, that is as it should be,"
+      reiterated a farmer on his right, "zo I'll give you, 'The varmers against
+      the parsons,' and there's old Tom Sykes yonder, the thatcher, he will give
+      you a zong about the 'tithe pig and the tenth child,' a main good stave, I
+      do azzure you." A request which the old thatcher most readily complied
+      with, to the great delight of all present; for independent of his dialect,
+      which was of the true rich west-country character, there was considerable
+      wit and humour in the song, and an archness of manner in the performer,
+      that greatly increased the good-humour of the society. In this way the
+      evening was spent very pleasantly; and as the cause was to come on the
+      first thing on the ensuing morning, Transit and myself determined to await
+      the issue, anticipating that, if our merry-hearted companions, the
+      rustics, should be successful, there would be no lack of merriment, and
+      some exhibition of good sport both for the pen and pencil.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We had strayed after breakfast to view the cathedral, which is very well
+      worthy the attention of the curious, and certainly contains some very
+      ancient relics of the great and the good of earliest times. On our return,
+      the deafening shouts of the multitude, who were congregated outside the
+      Sessions House, proclaimed a favourable verdict for the farmers, who, in
+      the excess of their joy at having beaten their reverend adversary, gave
+      loose to the most unrestrained expressions of exultation: a messenger was
+      immediately despatched to Berkeley to convey, express, the glad tidings;
+      and the head farmers of the parish, with whom were the church-wardens,
+      determined to commemorate their victory by roasting a bullock whole on the
+      brow of the hill which overlooked their vicar's residence, and for the
+      preparation of which festivity they also sent their instructions. The next
+      grand point was, how to <span class="pagenum">[289]</span>convey the
+      witnesses, who were very numerous, to the scene of action, a distance of
+      eighteen miles. To have despatched them in post-chaises, could they have
+      found a sufficient number in Gloucester, was neither in accordance with
+      economy, nor with the wishes of the parties themselves, who were very
+      anxious to have a grand procession, and enjoy themselves as they went
+      along in smoking, singing, drinking, and proclaiming their triumph to
+      their neighbours and friends. Mine hostess of the Ram, with every female
+      in her establishment, had been, from the moment the verdict was given to
+      the departure of the group, busily engaged in making large blue favours,
+      of the colonel's colour, to decorate the hats of the visitors, until Mr.
+      Boots arrived with the dismaying intelligence, that not another yard of
+      riband, of the colour required, could be obtained in all the city of
+      Gloucester. With equal industry and perseverance the host himself had put
+      in requisition every species of conveyance that he could muster, which was
+      calculated to suit the views of the parties, and form a grand cavalcade;
+      without much attention to the peculiar elegance of the vehicles, to be
+      sure, but with every arrangement for social comfort. It had been decided
+      that my friend Transit and myself should accompany Richard Gradus, Esq.
+      the solicitor to the fortunate defendants, in a post coach in front,
+      preceded by four of mine host's best horses, with postillions decorated
+      with blue favours, and streamers flying from the four corners of the
+      carriage; and now came the marshalling of the procession to follow.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0014" id="Dimage-0014">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page289.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page289th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page289" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      One of the colonel's hay vans had been supplied with seats, lengthwise, in
+      which the first division of farmers placed themselves, not, however,
+      forgetting to take in a good supply of ale and pipes with them; next in
+      order was one of the old-fashioned double-bodied stages, which had not
+      been cleaned, or out of the coach-yard, for twenty years before, and both
+      in the <span class="pagenum">[290]</span>inside and on the roof of which
+      the more humble rustics and farmers' labourers were accommodated: this
+      vehicle was drawn by four cart horses, of the roughest description; the
+      rear of the whole being brought up by a long black funeral hearse, with
+      three horses, unicorn fashion, on the roof of which the men sate sidewise,
+      while the interior was, by Gradus's orders, well filled with casks of the
+      best Gloucester ale. About a dozen of the farmers, on horseback, rode by
+      the side of the vehicles; and in this order, with the accompaniment of a
+      bugle in the hay van, and a couple of blind fiddlers scraping on the
+      centre of the roof of the hearse, did we sally forth in most grotesque
+      order, amid the joyous acclamations of the multitude, on our way to
+      Berkeley, every countenance portraying exultation and good-humour, and
+      every where upon the road meeting with a corresponding welcome. A more
+      humorous or whimsical procession cannot well be imagined, men, animals,
+      and vehicles being perfectly unique. By the time we had reached our
+      destination, the potent effects of the Gloucester ale, added to the
+      smoking and vociferous expressions of joy that attended us throughout, had
+      left very few of our rustic friends without the visible and outward signs
+      of their inward devotions to the jolly god. On our arrival near to
+      Berkeley, we were met by crowds of the joyous inhabitants, and proceeded
+      onward to the spot selected for the festive scene, where we found the
+      bullock already roasting on the top of the hill, and where also they had
+      pitched a tent, and brought some small cannon, with which they fired a <i>feu
+      de joie</i> on our arrival, taking special care to point their artillery
+      in the direction of the vicar's residence. On the opposite side of the
+      road was the church; and it is not a little singular, that the steeple,
+      belfry, and tower are completely detached from the body of the building.
+      The vicar, dreading the riotous joy of his parishioners upon <span
+      class="pagenum">[291]</span>this occasion, had locked up the church, and
+      issued his mandate to the wardens to prevent a merry peal; but these
+      persons insisting that as the church was detached from the belfry, the
+      vicar had no authority over it, they directed the ringers to give them a
+      triple bob major, which canonical music was merrily repeated at intervals,
+      to the great dismay of the parson, who, over and above the loss he was
+      likely to sustain in his future interests, had by this defect suffered
+      under a legal expenditure of some thousands of pounds. The colonel did not
+      show, perhaps from prudential motives of respect to his old friend, but
+      his agents were well instructed in their duty, and there was no lack of a
+      plentiful supply of provision and ale for his tenantry to make right merry
+      with. Thus ended our trip to Berkeley, where, after taking a view of the
+      castle on the following morning, and surveying the delightful scenery with
+      which that most ancient building is surrounded, we bade adieu to our
+      friend Gradus, and mounted the Cheltenham coach, as it passed through, on
+      our way to Bristol.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0015" id="Dimage-0015">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page291.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page291 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0016" id="Dimage-0016">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page292.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page292 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dlink2H_4_0009" id="Dlink2H_4_0009">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      A DAY IN BRISTOL.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     A Glance at the Bristolians&mdash;Their Pursuits and
+     Characteristics&mdash;The London Mail&mdash;A Walk to the Hot Wells
+     and Clifton&mdash;Blackmantle and Transit start for the
+     Territories of King Bladud.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[292]</span>The worthy Bristolians must not feel
+      offended if we pass them by rather briefly; had ours been a tour of
+      business, connected with commercial pursuit instead of a search after whim
+      and character, we should no doubt have found materials enough to have
+      filled a dozen chapters; but such pursuits are foreign to the eccentric
+      volumes of the English Spy, whose sole aim is humour, localized, and
+      embracing characteristic scenes. Such is the above sketch, which struck
+      Transit and myself, as we took a stroll down Bridge-street while our
+      breakfast was preparing at the White Hart; it was a bit of true life, and
+      cannot fail to please: but, after all, Bristol resembles London so
+      closely, at least the <span class="pagenum">[293]</span>eastern part of
+      the metropolis, that although we saw much that would have been worthy the
+      attention of the antiquary and the curious in their several churches and
+      museums, or might, with great advantage, have been transferred to the note
+      book of the topographer, yet we met with none of that peculiar whimsical
+      character that distinguishes the more fashionable places of resort. The
+      sole object of the Bristolians is trade, and every face you meet with has
+      a ledger-like countenance, closely resembling the calculating citizen of
+      London, whose every thought is directed to the accumulation of wealth, by
+      increased sales of merchandize, or the overreaching his neighbour in
+      taking the first advantage of the market.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0017" id="Dimage-0017">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page293.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page293th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page293" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The arrival of the London mail, which comes in about ten o'clock in the
+      morning, afforded Transit another opportunity of picking up what little of
+      character there was to be found. At Bristol there is always a great
+      anxiety to obtain the London news and price current; so much so, that the
+      leading merchants and others assemble in front of the Post-office, which
+      also joins the Exchange, to wait the arrival of the mail (see Plate), and
+      receive the letters of advice which are to regulate their concerns. It is
+      but justice to add, there is no place in the kingdom of the same distance
+      to which the conveyance is quicker, and the facility of delivery more
+      promptly attended to. After breakfast we took a stroll round the docks,
+      and then bent our steps towards the heights, and along the delightful walk
+      which leads to the Hot Wells and Clifton.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      To attempt a just description of the magnificent and romantic scenery
+      which surrounds Clifton, as it is viewed from the Downs, would occupy more
+      space than our limits will allow us to devote to the beauties of
+      landscape; and would, besides, interfere with an intention which Transit
+      and myself have in view at some future period of our lives, namely, the
+      making a topographical and characteristic tour through the United
+      Kingdoms, which being divided into counties, <span class="pagenum">[294]</span>and
+      embracing not only the historical and the picturesque, will be enlivened
+      by all the humorous vagaries, eccentric characters, and peculiar sports of
+      each, written in a colloquial style; and embracing the lingual localisms,
+      proverbs, and provincialisms of the inhabitants: thus producing a humorous
+      but most correct view of the present state of society and manners. The
+      materials for such a work have gradually presented themselves during the
+      progress of the present eccentric volumes; but, as our object here has
+      been good-humoured satire joined to comic sketches of existing persons and
+      scenes, more in the way of anecdote than history, we hope to meet with the
+      same kind friends in a more extended work, among those who have journeyed
+      onwards with us through two years&mdash;pleasantly we must suppose, by
+      their continued support; and profitably, we are gratefully bound to
+      acknowledge, to all parties interested. An early dinner at Clifton, and a
+      pleasant walk back by the terrace-road, brought us once more into the busy
+      streets of Bristol, where after sauntering away the time until five
+      o'clock, we mounted a Bath coach, and started forwards with a fresh
+      impetus, and much promise of amusement, to explore the territories of King
+      Bladud.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0018" id="Dimage-0018">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page294.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page294 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0019" id="Dimage-0019">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page295.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page295 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dlink2H_4_0010" id="Dlink2H_4_0010">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      SKETCHES IN BATH.
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      <span class="pagenum">[235]</span>
+    </h3>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     First View of the elegant City&mdash;Meeting with Old Blackstrap
+     &mdash;Domicile at the Castle Tavern&mdash;Matthew and Mrs. Temple
+     worthy Characters&mdash;Sportsmans Hall&mdash;Bath Heroes of the Turf
+     the Ring, and the Chace&mdash;Portraits and Peculiarities drawn
+     from the Life.
+
+          May I ne'er flutter in the thoughtless train
+          With fashion's elves, the giddy, and the vain;
+          May I ne'er stroll again with Milsom swells
+          To Tully's shop, or lounge with pump-room belles;
+          May I no more to Sidney Gardens stray,
+          If, Bath, I wrong thee in my hum'rous lay.
+          Court of King Blad', where crescents circling rise
+          Above each other till they reach the skies;
+          And hills o'er-topping with their verdant green
+          The Abbey Church, are in the distance seen:
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[296]</span>Where inns invite ye, and where lodgings
+      smile A ready welcome to some Grecian pile; Where chairmen wait ye, ready
+      to attend And box ye up upon your latter end; Where summer breezes on
+      Hygeia wait, And cards and fashion hold their courts of state. Hither
+      we're come to Bath, to spy and tell What reigning follies mark the beau
+      and belle; What stars eccentric move within thy sphere, Or who's the
+      greatest lion of the year. "Have at ye all," we satirists give no quarter;
+      Yet shall our mirth prove grateful as Bath water.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The distant appearance, or first glimpse of the city of Bath, is enough to
+      impress a stranger with the most favourable opinions of the place. The
+      regularity of the streets, and the tasteful character of the architecture
+      of the principal buildings, are certainly superior to that of any other
+      place of public resort in England; added to which, there is an attention
+      to cleanliness apparent in the costume of the lower classes that is not so
+      conspicuous in other places. "Blest source of health! seated on rising
+      ground, With friendly hills by nature guarded round; From eastern blasts
+      and sultry south secure, The Air's balsamic, and the soil is pure."
+      Surrounded by delightful scenery, and guarded from the piercing north
+      winds by the hilly barriers of nature, the spot seems above all others
+      best calculated to restore the health of the valetudinarian, whose
+      constitution has become shattered and infirm by a course of fashionable
+      dissipation, or a lengthened residence in the pestilential climates of the
+      Indies. "Sweet Bath! the liveliest city of the land; Where health and
+      pleasure ramble hand in hand, Where smiling belles their earliest visit
+      pay, And faded maids their lingering blooms delay. Delightful scenes of
+      elegance and ease! Realms of the gay, where every sport can please." <span
+      class="pagenum">[297]</span>Thus sings the Bath poet, Bayly; who, if he is
+      somewhat too servile an imitation of Moore in his style, has certainly
+      more of originality in his matter than generally distinguishes poems of
+      such a local nature. One of the greatest characters in the city of Bath
+      was the worthy host of our hotel, the Castle; at whose door stood the
+      rubicund visage of our Cheltenham friend, Blackstrap, ready to give us a
+      hearty welcome, and introduce us to Matthew Temple, who making one of his
+      best bows, led the way into the coffee-room, not forgetting to assure us
+      that Mistress Temple, who was one of the best women in the world, would
+      take the greatest care that we had every attention paid to our commands
+      and comforts; and, in good truth, honest Matthew was right, for a more
+      comely, good-humoured, attentive, kind hostess exists not in the three
+      kingdoms of his Gracious Majesty George the Fourth. In short, Mrs. Temple
+      is the major-domo of the Castle, while honest Matthew, conscious of his
+      own inability to direct the active operations of the garrison within
+      doors, beats up for recruits without; attends to all the stable duty and
+      the commissariat, keeps a sharp look-out for new arrivals by coach, and a
+      still sharper one that no customer departs without paying his bill; and
+      thus having made his daily bow to the inns and the outs, honest Matthew
+      retires at night to take his glass of grog with the choice spirits who
+      frequent Sportsman's Hall, a snug little smoking room on the left of the
+      gateway, where the heroes of the turf and the lads of the fancy nightly
+      assemble to relate their sporting anecdotes, sing a merry chaunt, book the
+      long odds, and blow a friendly cloud in social intercourse and good
+      fellowship.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      I do not know that it matters much at what end of Bath society I commence
+      my sketches; and experience has taught me, that the more fashionable
+      frivolities of high life seldom present the same opportunity for the <span
+      class="pagenum">[298]</span>study of character, which is to be found in
+      the merry, open-hearted, mirthful meetings of the medium classes and the
+      lower orders. The pleasure we had felt in Blackstrap's society at
+      Cheltenham, induced us to engage him to dine in the coffee-room, with our
+      early friends Heartly and Eglantine, both of whom being then at Bath, we
+      had invited to meet us, in the expectation that Dick Gradus, having
+      arranged his legal affairs at Berkeley, would, by the dinner hour, arrive
+      to join such a rare assemblage of old Eton <i>cons</i>&mdash;a
+      gratification we had the pleasure to experience; and never did the festive
+      board resound with more pleasant reminiscences from old friends: the
+      social hour fled gaily, and every fresh glass brought its attendant joke.
+      Heartly and Eglantine had, we found, been sufficiently long in Bath to
+      become very able instructors to Transit and myself in all that related to
+      the haute class, and old Barnaby Blackstrap was an equally able guide to
+      every description of society, from the mediums down to the strange
+      collections of vagrant oddities which are to be found in the back Janes
+      and suburbs of the city of Bath. It has been well said, in a spirited
+      reply to the Reverend Mr. Ek&mdash;r&mdash;s&mdash;l's illiberal satire,
+      entitled "The Bath Man," that "London has its divisions of good and bad
+      sets as well as Bath; nay, every little set has its lower set; Bank looks
+      down contemptuously upon wealth; those who are asked to Carlton Palace cut
+      the muligatawny set; the ancient aristocracy call law-lords and <i>parvenues</i>
+      a bad set; and so downward through the whole scale of society, from
+      Almack's to a sixpenny hop, 'still in the lowest deep a lower deep,' and
+      human pride will ever find consolation that there is something to be found
+      beneath it. Plain men, accustomed to form their notions of good and evil
+      on more solid foundations than grades of fashionable distinctions, will
+      not consent to stigmatize as bad any class of society because there may
+      happen to <span class="pagenum">[299]</span>be a class above it." And what
+      better apology could we desire for our eccentric rambles through every
+      grade of Bath society? with us every set has its attractions, and I have
+      known my friend Transit cut a nobleman and half a dozen honourables for
+      the delightful gratification of enjoying the eccentricities of a beggars'
+      club, and being enabled to sketch from the life the varied exhibition of
+      passion and character which such a meeting would afford him. It will not,
+      therefore, create any surprise in my readers, that our first evening in
+      Bath should have been devoted to the social pipe; the pleasant account
+      Blackstrap gave us of the sporting party, in Matthew Temple's snuggery,
+      induced us to adjourn thither in the evening, where we might enjoy life,
+      smoke our cigars, join a little chaffing about the turf and the ring, sip
+      our punch and grog, enjoy a good chaunt, and collect a little character
+      for the pages of the English Spy. To such as are fond of these amusements,
+      most heartily do I recommend a visit to the Sporting Parlour at the
+      Castle, where they will not fail to recognise many of the jovial
+      characters represented in the opposite page; and as old Time pays no
+      respect to worth and mellow-hearted mortals, but in his turn will mow down
+      my old friend Matthew and his merry companions, I am desirous to
+      perpetuate their memory by a song, which will include all of note who upon
+      this occasion joined the festive scene.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0020" id="Dimage-0020">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page300.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page300 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dlink2H_4_0011" id="Dlink2H_4_0011">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      SPORTSMAN'S HALL.
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      A SCENE AT THE CASTLE.
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[300]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Come all you gay fellows, so merry and witty,
+          Ye Somerset lads of the elegant city,
+          Ye sons of the turf who delight in a race,
+          And ye Nimrods of Bath who are fond of the chase;
+          Come join us, and pledge us, like true brothers all,
+          At old Matthew Temple's, the Castle and Ball.
+
+          Will Partridge, the father of sports, in the chair,
+          With honest George Wingrove will welcome you there,
+          While Handy, who once on two horses could ride,
+          And merry Jack Bedford will meet you beside;
+          Then for sport or for spree, or to keep up the ball,
+          We've an excellent fellow, you'll own, in Bill Hall.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[301]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Captain Beaven, a yeoman of merry renown,
+          Will keep up the joke with the gay ones from town,
+          While, if you'd go off in a canter or speed,
+          You've only to take a few lessons with Mead;
+          Then Sharland can suit every beau to a T,
+          So haste to the Castle, ye lovers of glee.
+
+          Sweet Margerim, clerk of the course, will be found
+          With any young sportsman to trot o'er the ground,
+          Though his Honesty, since at Wells races 'twas tried,
+          It must be admitted, has bolted aside;
+          The Newcombe's are good at all sports in the ring,
+          While, like Chanticleer, Hunt the Cocker will sing.
+
+          Jack Langley, the fam'd 'Squire Western of Bath,
+          A jolly fox-hunter, who's fond of a laugh,
+          With mellow Tom Williams, of Brewers a pair,
+          Are the bacchanals form'd for to banish dull care;
+          Then haste to the Castle, ye true merry sprites,
+          Where the song, and the chase, and the fancy delights.
+
+          Give a host more to name of the jovial and free,
+          That my song would extend till to-morrow d'ye see:
+          But a truce to particulars; take them all round,
+          There's nothing in Bath like themselves to be found;
+          Where harmony, friendship, and mirth can combine,
+          The pleasures of life with kind hearts and good wine.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      And in good truth, there is no place within the dominions of King Bladud,
+      where the social man can find more cheerful companions, the sporting man
+      more kindred spirits, and the lovers of the characteristic and the
+      humorous meet with a greater variety of genuine eccentricity, unalloyed
+      with any baser or offensive material. Matthew Temple himself is a great
+      original, pure Somerset, perfectly good-natured, ever ready to oblige, and
+      although for many years the commander-in-chief of the Castle, is yet in
+      all the chicanery of his
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[302]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      profession, and the usual obtrusiveness of a landlord, as unlike the
+      generality of his brethren as a raw recruit is to an effective soldier.
+      Old Master William Partridge is also worthy of notice as the father of the
+      turf, and then if you would ride to hounds, no man in Bath can mount you
+      better, or afford you such good corn, great attentions, and a warm stall
+      for a prime hack. Rich in anecdote, and what is still better, with a
+      charitable purse and a worthy heart, there are few men who have earned for
+      themselves more respect in this life, or deserve it better, than William
+      Handy, Esq. the once celebrated equestrian, who having realized a handsome
+      competency, retired, some years since, to Bath, to enjoy his <i>otium cum
+      dignitate</i>: here, at an advanced age, with all the spirits of youth,
+      and a lively interest in every thing relating to sporting, you will meet
+      with the character I have described; and, take my word for it, will not be
+      disappointed in the likeness. Among the bon vivants of Sportsmans' Hall I
+      must not omit that care-killing soul Captain Beaven, whose easy flow of
+      good-humour and love of good sport is not less conspicuous than his love
+      for a pretty lass, and his delight in a good song and a cheerful glass.
+      Honest George Wingrove, a wealthy baker, and the patriarch of the room,
+      will never prove a crusty customer, I am sure; and if that good-looking
+      fellow Mead, the riding-master, does sometimes "o'erstep the modesty of
+      nature" in his mode of addressing his pupils, adopting the familiar style
+      of addressing them by their christian name&mdash;as, for instance, "set
+      upright, Sally; more forward, Eliza; keep your rein-hand more square,
+      Ellen;" and soon; he hath, however, yet many good points that amply
+      compensate for this perverseness of habit. Among the genuine good ones,
+      the real thing, as the sporting phrase has it, not a biped in Bath beats
+      Tom Williams, who, agreeable to our Eton Gradus, is good at every thing: a
+      more jovial, worthy-hearted, respected soul breathes not within the merry
+      court of King Bladud, and very <span class="pagenum">[303]</span>few there
+      that can rival him in a good horse, a long run, or as a lively companion.
+      Tom is married to the sister of Bartley, the comedian, and carries with
+      him into private life the estimation which ever attends him in public. For
+      a rum story, a bit of real life, or a roguish joke, who shall excel Jack
+      Bedford? And then, if your honour would knock the balls about, why "Jack's
+      the lad" to accommodate you. And little Bill Hall, who keeps the Kingston
+      billiard-rooms, will be most happy to make his best bow to you without any
+      view to the mace. But, i' faith, I am sketching away here in Sportsman's
+      Hall at old Matthew Temple's, and could continue so to do for another
+      chapter; forgetting, as Transit says, that we have yet to traverse the
+      whole city of Bath through, spying into the vagaries and varieties of the
+      more polished, and taking a slight occasional glance at the lowest grade
+      of society, in order to diversify and keep up the chiaroscuro of our
+      pictures.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0021" id="Dimage-0021">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page303.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page303th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page303" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+Merry reader, for such I hope thou art, we have now travelled on for
+nearly two years together; and many a varied scene in life's pilgrimage
+have we set before you, from the gilded dome of royalty to the humble
+shed of the Emeralder; but our visit to Bath will afford you a richer
+treat than aught that has yet preceded it. It was when the party broke
+up at Temple's, and that was not before the single admonition of old
+father Time had sounded his morning bell, that a few <i>bon vivants</i>
+of the Castle, accompanied by the English Spy and his merry friends,
+sallied forth in quest of strange adventure; for it must be admitted,
+that in the elegant city
+
+          "Candles and ladies' eyes oft shine most bright,
+          When both should be extinguish'd for the night."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      A fancy ball at the Upper Rooms on this night had attracted all the
+      elegance, fashion, and beauty to be found within the gay circle of
+      pleasure, and thither <span class="pagenum">[304]</span>we bent our steps,
+      having first provided ourselves with the necessary introductions. The
+      scene above all others in the fascination of gay life and the display of
+      female charms is a fancy ball; a species of entertainment better suited to
+      the modest character of our countrywomen than the masquerade, and, in
+      general, much better liked in this country, where the masked
+      entertainment, unless in private, is always avoided by females of rank and
+      character. One of the most amusing scenes which first presented itself to
+      our notice on approaching the entrance to the rooms was the eager anxiety
+      and determined perseverance of the liveried Mercuries and Bath
+      dromedaries, alias chairmen, to procure for their respective masters and
+      mistresses a priority of admission; an officious zeal that was often
+      productive of the most ludicrous circumstances, and, in two or three
+      instances, as far as indispensable absence from the pleasures of the night
+      could operate, of the most fatal effects. A well-known city beau, who had
+      been at considerable expense in obtaining from London the splendid dress
+      of a Greek prince, was completely upset and rolled into the kennel by his
+      chairmen running foul of a sedan, in which Lord Molyneaux and his friend
+      Lord Ducie had both crammed themselves in the dress of Tyrolese
+      chieftains. The Countess of D&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;, who personated
+      Psyche, in attempting to extricate herself from an unpleasant situation,
+      in which the obstinacy of her chairmen had placed her, actually had her
+      glittering wings torn away, unintentionally, from her shoulders by the
+      rude hand of a Bath rustic, whose humanity prompted him to attempt her
+      deliverance. Old Lady L&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;, in the highest state
+      of possible alarm, from feeling her sedan inclining full twenty degrees
+      too much to the right, popped her head up, and raising the top part of the
+      machine, screamed out most piteously for assistance, and on drawing it
+      back <span class="pagenum">[305]</span>again, tore off her new head-dress,
+      and let her false front shut in between the flap of the chair, by which
+      accident, all the beautiful Parisian curls of her ladyship were rendered
+      quite flat and uninteresting. An old gentleman of fortune, who was
+      suffering under hypochondriacal affection, and had resolved to attempt Sir
+      John Falstaff, received the end of a sedan pole plump in his chest, by
+      which powerful application he was driven through the back part of the
+      machine, and effectually cured of "<i>la maladie imaginaire</i>" by the
+      acuteness of a little real pain. The flambeau of a spruce livery servant
+      setting fire to the greasy tail of a Bath chairman's surtout produced a
+      most awkward <i>rencontre</i>, by which a husband and wife, who had not
+      been associated together for some years, but were proceeding to the ball
+      in separate chairs, were, by the accidental concussion of their sedans in
+      a moment of alarm, actually thrown into each other's arms; and such was
+      the gallantry of the gentleman, that he marched into the ball-room bearing
+      up the slender frame of his heretofore forsaken rib, to whom he from that
+      time has become reunited. The lady mayoress of the city was excessively
+      indignant on finding her preeminence of <i>entrée</i> disputed by the wife
+      of a Bristol butcher; while the chair of the master of the ceremonies was
+      for some time blocked in between the sedans of two old tabbies, whose
+      expressions of alarm, attempts at faintings, and little flights of
+      scandal, had so annoyed the poor M. C. that when he entered the ball-room,
+      he felt as irritable as a tantalized lover between two female furies. In
+      short, the scene was rich in amusement for the group of merry hearts who
+      had left the Castle in quest of adventure; and while we were enjoying the
+      ludicrous effects produced by the jostling of the sedans, my friend
+      Transit had sketched the affair in his usual happy style, and designated
+      it thus: <span class="pagenum">[306]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dlink2H_4_0012" id="Dlink2H_4_0012">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      THE BATTLE OF THE CHAIRS.
+    </h2>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+           "The chairs are order'd, and the moment comes,
+           When all the world assemble at the rooms."
+</pre>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img alt="page306 (198K)" src="images2/page306.jpg" width="100%" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      For the ball-room itself, it was the most splendid scene that the magic
+      power of fancy could devise. The variety of characters, the elegance of
+      the dresses, and the beauty of the graceful fair, joined to their playful
+      wit and accomplished manners, produced a succession of delights which
+      banished from the heart of man the recollection of his mortal ills, and
+      gave him, for the passing time, a semblance of Elysian pleasures. The
+      rooms are admirably calculated for this species of entertainment, and are,
+      I believe, the largest in England; while the excellent regulations and
+      arrangements adopted by the master of the ceremonies to prevent any of
+      those unpleasant intrusions, too often admitted into mixed assemblies,
+      deserved the highest commendation. It is from scenes of this description
+      that the writer on men <span class="pagenum">[307]</span>and manners
+      extracts his characters, and drawing aside from the mirth-inspiring group,
+      contemplates the surrounding gaieties, noting down in his memory the
+      pleasing varieties and amusing anecdotes he has there heard; pleasantries
+      with which at some future time he may enliven the social circle of his
+      friends, or by reviving in print, recall the brightest and the best
+      recollections of those who have participated in their gay delights.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "In this distinguish'd circle you will find
+          Many degrees of man and woman kind."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      And as I am here "life's painter, the very Spy o' the time," I shall
+      endeavour to sketch a few of the leading Bath characters; most of the gay
+      well-known being upon this occasion present, and many an eccentric star
+      shining forth, whose light it would be difficult to encounter in any other
+      circle. The accompanying view of the rooms by Transit will convey a
+      correct idea of the splendour of the entertainment, and the fascinating
+      appearance of the assembled groups.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "Ranged on the benches sit the lookers-on,
+          Who criticise their neighbours one by one;
+          Each thinks herself in word and deed so bless'd,
+          That she's a bright example for the rest.
+          Numerous tales and anecdotes they hatch,
+          And prophesy the dawn of many a match;
+          And many a matrimonial scheme declare,
+          Unknown to either of the happy pair;
+          Much delicate discussion they advance,
+          About the dress and gait of those who dance;
+          One stoops too much; and one is so upright,
+          He'll never see his partner all the night;
+          One is too lazy; and the next too rough;
+          This jumps too high, and that not high enough.
+          Thus each receives a pointed observation,
+          Not that it's scandal&mdash;merely conversation."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      A three months' sojournment at Bath had afforded my friend Eglantine an
+      excellent opportunity for <span class="pagenum">[308]</span>estimating
+      public character, a science in which he was peculiarly well qualified to
+      shine; since to much critical acumen was joined a just power of
+      discrimination, aided by a generosity of feeling that was ever enlivened
+      by good-humoured sallies of playful satire. To Horace Eglantine, I may
+      apply the compliment which Cleland pays to Pope&mdash;he was incapable of
+      either saying or writing "a line on any man, which through guilt, through
+      shame, or through fear, through variety of fortune, or change of interest,
+      he would ever be unwilling to own." It too often happens that the cynic
+      and the satirist are themselves more than tinged with the foibles which
+      they so severely censure in others. "You shall have a specimen of this
+      infirmity," said Horace, "in the person of Peter Paul Pallet; a reverend
+      gentleman whom you will observe yonder in the dress of a Chinese mandarin.
+      Some few years since this pious personage took upon himself the task of
+      lashing the prevailing follies of society in a satire entitled Bath
+      Characters, and it must be admitted, the work proves him to have been a
+      fellow of no ordinary talent; but an unfortunate amour with the wife of a
+      reverend brother, which was soon after made public, added to certain other
+      peculiarities and eccentricities, have since marked the satirist himself
+      as one of the most prominent objects for the just application of his own
+      weapon."
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Come hither, Paul Pallet, your portrait I'll paint:
+          You're a satirist, reverend sir, but no saint.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      But as some of his characters are very amusing, and no doubt very correct
+      portraits of the time, 1808, my readers shall have the advantage of them,
+      that they may be the better able to contrast the past with the present,
+      and form their own conclusions how far society has improved in morality by
+      the increase of methodism, the influx of evangelical breathings, or the
+      puritanical pretensions of bible societies. I shall pass by his
+      description of the club; gaming ever was <span class="pagenum">[309]</span>and
+      ever will be a leading fashionable vice, which only poverty and ruin can
+      correct or cure. The clergy must, however, be greatly delighted at the
+      following picture of the cloth, drawn by one of their holy brotherhood.
+      "The Bath church," says the satirist, "is filled with croaking ravens,
+      chattering jays, and devouring cormorants; black-headed fanatics and
+      white-headed 'dreamers of dreams;' the aqua-fortis of mob politics, and
+      the mawkish slip-slop of modern divinity; rank cayenne pepper, and genuine
+      powder of post!" Really a very flattering description of our clerical
+      comforters, but one which, I lament to say, will answer quite as well for
+      1826, with, perhaps, a little less of enthusiasm in the composition, and
+      some faint glimmerings of light opposed to the darkness of bigotry and the
+      frauds of superstition. Methodism is said to be on the wane&mdash;we can
+      hear no better proof that true religion and good sense are coming into
+      fashion. The sketch of Mrs. Vehicle, by the same hand, is said to have
+      been a true copy of a well-known female gambler; it is like a portrait of
+      Sir Joshua Reynolds, a picture worthy of preservation from its intrinsic
+      merits, long after the original has ceased to exist: how readily might it
+      be applied to half a score card-table devotees of the present day!
+      "Observe that <i>ton</i> of beauty, Mrs. Vehicle, who is sailing up the
+      passage, supported like a nobleman's coat of arms by her amiable sisters,
+      the virtuous widow on one side, and the angelic Miss Speakplain on the
+      other. By my soul! the same roses play upon her cheeks now that bloomed
+      there winters ago, the natural tint of that identical patent rouge which
+      she has enamelled her face with for these last twenty years; her gait and
+      presence, too, are still the same&mdash;<i>Vera incessa patuit Dea</i>;
+      she yet boasts the enchanting waddle of a Dutch Venus, and the modest brow
+      of a Tower-hill Diana. Ah, Jack, would you but take a few lessons from my
+      old friend <span class="pagenum">[310]</span>at the science of shuffle and
+      cut, you would not rise so frequently from the board of green cloth, as
+      you now do, with pockets in which the devil might dance a saraband without
+      injuring his shins against their contents. Why, man, she is a second
+      Breslaw with a pack; I have known her deal four honours, nine trumps to
+      herself three times in the course of one rubber, and not cut a higher card
+      to her adversary than a three during the whole evening. Sensible of her
+      talents, and of the impropriety of hiding them in a napkin, she chose
+      Bath, independence, and her own skill in preference to a country
+      parsonage, conjugal control, and limited pin-money. Her <i>caro sposo</i>
+      meanwhile retired to his living; and now blesses himself on his escape
+      from false deals, odd tricks, and every honour but the true one." One more
+      sketch, and I have done; but I cannot pass by the admirable portrait of a
+      Bath canonical, "Jolly old Dr. Mixall, rosy as a ripe tomata, and round as
+      his own right orthodox wig,
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'With Atlantean shoulders, fit to bear
+          The weight of mightiest monarchies!'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Awful and huge, he treads the ground like one of Bruce's moving pillars of
+      sand! What a dark and deep abyss he carries before him&mdash;the grave
+      insatiate of turtle and turbot, red mullet and John Dories, haunches and
+      pasties, claret, port, and home-brewed ale! But his good-humour alone
+      would keep him at twenty stone were he to cease larding himself for a
+      month to come; and when he falls, may the turf lie lightly on his stomach!
+      Then shall he melt gently into rich manure;
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'And fat be the gander that feeds on his grave.'"
+
+          "But now for the moderns," said Horace; "for the
+          enchanting fair,
+
+          'Whose snow-white bosoms fascinate the eye,
+          Swelling in all the pride of <i>nudity</i>;
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[311]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          The firm round arm, soft cheek, and pouting lip,
+          And backs exposed below the jutting hip;
+          To these succeed dim eyes, and wither'd face»,
+          And pucker'd necks as rough as shagreen cases,
+          But whose kind owners, hon'ring Bladud's ball,
+          Benevolently show their little all.'"
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      But I must not particularize here, as I intend sketching the more
+      prominent personages during a morning lounge in Milsom-street; when,
+      appearing in their ordinary costume, they will be the more easily
+      recognised in print, and remain a more lasting memorial of Bath
+      eccentrics,
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img alt="page311 (27K)" src="images2/page311.jpg" width="100%" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dlink2H_4_0013" id="Dlink2H_4_0013">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      SKETCHES IN BATH&mdash;CHAPTER II.
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      <span class="pagenum">[312]</span>
+    </h3>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Well-known Characters in the Pump-room taking a Sip with
+     King Bladud&mdash;Free Sketches of Fair Game&mdash;The awkward
+     Rencontre, or Mr. B&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;and Miss L.&mdash;Public Bathing or
+     stewing alive&mdash;Sober Thoughts&mdash;Milsom-street Swells&mdash;A
+     Visit to the Pig and Whistle, Avon-street&mdash;of the Buff
+     Club.
+
+          To the pump-room we went, where the grave, and the gay,
+          And the aged, and the sickly, lounge time away;
+          Where all the choice spirits are seen making free
+          With the sov'reign cordial, the true <i>eau de vie</i>.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0022" id="Dimage-0022">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page312.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page312th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page312" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The <i>déjeuné</i> over, the first place to which the stranger in Bath is
+      most desirous of an introduction is the Pump-room; not that he anticipates
+      restoration to health from drinking the waters, or imagines the virtues of
+      immortality are to be found by immersion in the baths; but if he be a
+      person of any condition, he is naturally anxious to <i>show off</i> make
+      his bow to the gay throng, and, at the same time, elucidate the exact
+      condition of Bath Society. If, however, he is a mere plebeian in search of
+      novelty, coupling pleasure with business, or an invalid sent here by his
+      doctors to end his days, he is still anxious, while life remains, to see
+      and be seen; to observe whom he can recognise among the great folks he has
+      known in the metropolis, or perchance, meet consolation from some
+      suffering fellow citizen, who, like himself, has been conveyed to Bath to
+      save his family the misery of seeing him expire beneath his own roof.
+      "What an admirable variety of character does this scene present," said
+      Transit, who, on our first <span class="pagenum">[313]</span>entrance, was
+      much struck with the magnificence of the rooms, and still more delighted
+      with the immense display of eccentricities which presented themselves. "I
+      must introduce you, old fellow," said Eglantine, "to a few of the oddities
+      who figure here. The strange-looking personage in the right-hand corner is
+      usually called Dick Solus, from his almost invariably appearing abroad by
+      himself, or dangling after the steps of some fair Thespian, to the single
+      of whom he is a very constant tormentor. Mrs. Egan of the theatre, 'who
+      knows what's what,' has christened him Mr. Dillytouch; while the heroes of
+      the sock and buskin as invariably describe him by the appellation of
+      Shake, from an unpleasant action he has both in walking and sitting. The
+      sour-visaged gentleman at this moment in conversation with him is the
+      renowned Peter Paul Pallet, esq., otherwise the Reverend Mr. M&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-.
+      Behind them appears a celebrated dentist and his son, who has attained the
+      rank of M.D., both well known here by the titles of the Grand Duke of
+      Tusk-aney and Count Punn-tusk-y, a pair of worthies always on the lookout
+      for business, and hence very constant attendants at the promenade in the
+      Pump-room. The old gentleman in the chintz morning-gown hobbling along on
+      crutches, from the gout, is a retired vinegar merchant, the father of a
+      Chancery M.P., of whom the Bath wags say, 'that when in business, he must
+      always have carried a sample of his best vinegar in his face.'" At this
+      moment old Blackstrap advanced, and requested permission to introduce to
+      our notice Jack Physick, an honest lawyer, and, as he said, one of the
+      cleverest fellows and best companions in Bath. Jack had the good fortune
+      to marry one of the prettiest and most attractive actresses that ever
+      appeared upon the Bath stage, Miss Jamieson, upon which occasion, the wags
+      circulated many pleasant <i>jeux d'esprits</i> on the union of "love, law,
+      and physic." The arrival of a very pompous gentleman, who appeared to
+      <span class="pagenum">[314]</span>excite general observation, gave my
+      friend Eglantine an opportunity of relating an anecdote of the eccentric,
+      who figures in Pultney-street under the cognomen of the Bath bashaw.
+      "There," said Horace, "you may see him every morning decorated in his
+      flannel <i>robe de chambre</i> and green velvet cap, seated outside in his
+      balcony, smoking an immensely large German pipe, and sending forth clouds
+      of fragrant perfume, which are pleasantly wafted right or left as the wind
+      blows along the breakfast tables of his adjoining neighbours. This
+      eccentric was originally a foundling discovered on the steps of a door in
+      Rath, and named by the parochial officers, Parish: by great perseverance
+      and good fortune he became a Hambro' merchant, and in process of time
+      realized a handsome property, which, much to his honour and credit, he
+      retired to spend a portion of among the inhabitants of this city, thus
+      paying a debt of gratitude to those who had protected him in infancy when
+      he was abandoned by his unnatural parents. The little fellow yonder with a
+      military air, and no want of self-conceit, is a field-officer of the Bath
+      volunteers, Adjutant Captain O'Donnel, a descendant from the mighty King
+      Bryan Baroch, and, as we say at Eton, no <i>small beer man</i>, I assure
+      you." "Who is that gigantic fellow just entering the rooms'?" said
+      Heartly. "That is Long Heavisides," replied Eglantine, "whom Handsome Jack
+      and two or three more of the Bath wits have christened, in derision, Mr.
+      Light-sides, a right pleasant fellow, quite equal in intellect and
+      good-humour to the altitude of his person, which, I am told, measures full
+      six feet six." "Gentlemen," said the facetious Blackstrap, "here comes an
+      old lady who has paid dearly for a bit of the Brown, lately the relict of
+      the late Admiral M'Dougal, and now fresh at seventy the blooming wife of a
+      young spark who has just attained the years of discretion, at least, as
+      far as regards <span class="pagenum">[315]</span>pecuniary affairs; for
+      before leading the old lady into church, she very handsomely settled three
+      thousand per annum upon her Adonis, as some little compensation to his
+      feelings, for the rude jests and jeers he was doomed to bear with from his
+      boon companions." "Eyes right, lads," said Eglantine; "the tall stout
+      gentleman in a blue surtout and white trowsers is General B&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-."
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Pshaw! never mind his name," said Heartly; "what are his peculiarities?"
+      "Why&mdash;imprimis, he has a lovely young female commander in chief by
+      his side&mdash;is a great reader with a very little memory. A very good
+      story is told of him, that I fear might be applied with equal justice to
+      many other great readers; namely, that some wags having at different times
+      altered the title-page, and pasted together various leaves of a popular
+      Scotch novel, they thus successfully imposed upon the General the task of
+      reading the same matter three times over&mdash;by this means creating in
+      his mind an impression, not very far from the truth, that all the works of
+      the Great Unknown bore a very close similitude to each other; an opinion
+      which the General is said to maintain very strenuously unto this hour. Of
+      all the characters in the busy scene of life which can excite a
+      pleasurable sensation in the close observer of men and manners, is your
+      gay ancient, whether male or female; the sprightly Evergreens of society,
+      whose buoyant spirits outlive the fiery course of youth, while their
+      playful leafage buds forth in advanced life with all the freshness,
+      fragrance, and vigour of the more youthful plants. Such," said Eglantine,
+      "is the old beau yonder, my friend Curtis, who is here quaintly
+      denominated the Everlasting.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0023" id="Dimage-0023">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page315.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page315th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page315" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The jolly Bacchanalian, who accompanies him in his morning's lounge, is
+      Charles Davis, a right jolly fellow, universally respected, although, it
+      must be admitted, he is a <i>party</i> man, since in a <span
+      class="pagenum">[316]</span>show of hands, Charles must always,
+      unfortunately, be on one side." A promenade up and down the room, and a
+      visit to the goddess Hygeia, for such, I suppose, the ancient matron who
+      dispenses the healing draught must be designated, gave us an opportunity
+      of observing the fresh arrivals, among whom we had the pleasure to meet
+      with an old naval officer, known to Heartly, a victim to the gout, wheeled
+      about in a chair, expecting, to use his own sea phrase, to go to pieces
+      every minute, but yet full of spirits as an admiral's grog bottle, as fond
+      of a good joke as a fresh-caught reefer, and as entertaining as the
+      surgeon's mate, or the chaplain of the fleet. "I say, Master Heavtly,"
+      said the captain, "the frigate yonder with the brown breast works, and she
+      with the pink facings, look something like privateers. My forelights,
+      Master Heartly, but if I had the use of my under works, I should be for
+      firing a little grape shot across their quarters to see if I could not
+      bring them into action!" "And I will answer for it, they would not show
+      any objection to lie alongside of you, captain," said Eglantine, "while
+      you had got a shot left in your locker. Mere Cyprian traders, captain,
+      from the Gulf of Venus, engaged in gudgeon bawling, or on the lookout for
+      flat fish. The little craft, with the black top, is called the
+      Throgmorton; and the one alongside the Ormsby of Berkeley is the Pretty
+      Lacy, a prime frigate, and quite new in the service. If you have a mind to
+      sail up the Straits of Cytherea, captain, I can answer for it we shall
+      fall in with a whole fleet of these light vessels, the two Sisters; the
+      Emery's; the yawl, Thomson; that lively little cutter, Jackson; the
+      transports, King and Hill; the lugger, Lewis; and the country ship, the
+      Lady Grosvenor, all well found, and ready for service, and only waiting to
+      be well manned. A good story is just now afloat about the Lacy, who, being
+      recently taken up for private trade by Commodore Bowen, was <span
+      class="pagenum">[317]</span>discovered to be sailing under false colours.
+      It appears, that during the commander's absence a dashing enemy, the
+      captain of the Hussar, a man of war, had entered the cabin privately, and
+      having satisfied himself of the state of the vessel, took an opportunity
+      to overhaul the ship's stores, when drinking rather freely of some choice
+      love-age, a cordial kept expressly for the commodore's own use, he was
+      unexpectedly surprised by the return of the old commander on board; and in
+      making his escape through the cabin window into a boat he had in waiting,
+      unfortunately left his time-piece and topmast behind. This circumstance is
+      said to have put the commodore out of conceit with his little frigate, who
+      has since been paid off', and is now chartered for general purposes." At
+      this little episode of a well-known Bath story, the captain laughed
+      heartily, and Transit was so much amused thereat, that on coming in
+      contact with the commodore and the captain in our perambulations, he
+      furnished the accompanying sketch of that very ludicrous scene, under the
+      head of
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          The Bath beau and frail belle,
+          Or Mr. B&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;and Miss L&mdash;&mdash;-.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      An excellent band of music, which continues to play from one to half past
+      three o'clock every day during the season, greatly increases the
+      attraction to the rooms, and also adds much to the cheerfulness and gaiety
+      of the scene. We had now nearly exhausted our materials for observation;
+      and having, to use Transit's phrase, booked every thing worthy of note,
+      taken each of us a glass of the Bath water, although I confess not
+      swallowing it without some qualmish apprehensions from the recollection of
+      the four lines in Anstey's Bath Guide.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "They say it is right that for every glass,
+          A tune you should take that the water may pass;
+          So while little Tabby was washing her rump,
+          The ladies kept drinking it out of the pump."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[318]</span>A very pleasant piece of satire, but
+      somewhat, as I understand, at the expense of truth, since the well from
+      which the water in the pump room is obtained is many feet below the one
+      that supplies the baths; situation certainly assists the view of the
+      satirist. I ought not to pass over here the story told us by our old
+      friend Blackstrap, respecting the first discovery of these waters by
+      Bladud, the son of Lud Hudibras, king of Britain; a fabulous tale, which,
+      for the benefit of the city all true Bathonians are taught to lisp with
+      their horn book, and believe with their creed, as genuine orthodox; and on
+      which subject my friend Horace furnished the following impromptu.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Oh, Lud! oh, Lud! that hogs and mud{1}
+          Should rival sage M.D.'s;
+          And hot water, in this quarter,
+          Cure each foul disease.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      "Throw physic to the dogs, I'll have none on't,'" said Horace: "if hot
+      water can effect such wonders, why, a plague on all the doctors! Let a man
+      be content to distil his medicine fresh from his own teakettle, or make
+      his washing copper serve the double purpose for domestic uses and a
+      medicated bath.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'But what is surprising, no mortal e'er view'd
+          Any one of the physical gentlemen stew'd.
+          From the day that King Bladud first found out these bogs,
+          And thought them so good for himself and his hogs,
+          Not one of the faculty ever has tried
+          These excellent waters to cure his own hide;
+          Though many a skilful and learned physician,
+          With candour, good sense, and profound erudition,
+          Obliges the world with the fruits of his brain,
+          Their nature and hidden effects to explain.'
+
+     1 See the fabulous account alluded to in Warner's History of
+     Bath, where Bladud is represented to have discovered the
+     properties of the warm springs at Beechen Wood Swainswick,
+     by observing the hogs to wallow in the mud that was
+     impregnated therewith, and thus to have derived the
+     knowledge of a cure for 'tis leprous affection.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[319]</span>But <i>allons</i>, lads," said Horace,
+      "we are here to follow the fashion, and indulge in all the eccentricities
+      of the place; to note the follies of the time, and depict the chief
+      actors, without making any personal sacrifice to correct the evil. Our
+      satire will do more to remove old prejudices when it appears in print,
+      aided by Bob Transit's pencil, than all our reasonings upon the spot can
+      hope to effect, although we followed Mr. M'Culloch's economy, and lectured
+      upon decency from break of day to setting sun. In quitting the pump-room
+      we must not, however, omit to notice the statue of Beau Nash, before which
+      Transit appears, in <i>propria personæ</i>, sketching off the marble
+      memento, without condescending to notice the busts of Pope and Newton,
+      which fill situations on each side; a circumstance which in other times
+      produced the following epigram from the pen of the witty earl of
+      Chesterfield.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "The statue plac'd the busts between
+          Adds satire to the strength;
+          Wisdom and Wit are little seen,
+          But Folly at full length."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Such is the attachment of man to the recollections of any thing associated
+      with pleasure, that it is questionable if the memory of old Joe Miller is
+      not held in higher estimation by the moderns than that of Father Luther,
+      the reformer; and while the numerous amusing anecdotes in circulation tend
+      to keep alive the fame of Nash, it is not surprising that the merry pay
+      court to his statue, being in his own dominions, before they bow at the
+      classic shrine of Pope, or bend in awful admiration beneath the bust of
+      the greatest of philosophers.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "'Twas said of old, deny it now who can,
+          The only laughing animal is man."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      And we are about to present the reader with a right merry scene, one, too,
+      if he has any fun in his composition, or loves a good joke, must warm the
+      cockles <span class="pagenum">[320]</span>of his heart. Who would ever
+      have thought, in these moralizing times, when the puritans are raising
+      conventicles in every town and village, and the cant of vice societies has
+      spread itself over the land, that in one of our most celebrated places of
+      fashionable resort, there should be found baths where the young and the
+      old, the beauteous female and the gay spark, are all indiscriminately
+      permitted to enjoy the luxurious pleasure together. That such is the case
+      in Bath no one who has recently participated in the pleasures of immersion
+      will dispute, and in order to perpetuate that gratification, Bob Transit
+      has here faithfully delineated the scene which occurred upon our entering
+      the King's Bath, through the opening from the Queen's, where, to our great
+      amusement and delight, we found ourselves surrounded by many a sportive
+      nymph, whose beauteous form was partially hidden by the loose flannel
+      gown, it is true; but now and then the action of the water, produced by
+      the continued movements of a number of persons all bathing at the same
+      time, discovered charms, the which to have caught a glimpse of in any
+      other situation might have proved of dangerous consequences to the fair
+      possessors. The baths, it must be admitted, are delightful, both from
+      their great extent and their peculiar properties, as, on entering from the
+      Queen's Bath you may enjoy the water at from 90 to 96 degrees, or
+      requiring more heat have only to walk forward, through the archway, to
+      obtain a temperature of 116. The first appearance of old Blackstrap's
+      visage floating along the surface of the water, like the grog-blossomed
+      trunk of the ancient Bardolph, bound up in a Welsh wig, was truly
+      ludicrous, and produced such an unexpected burst of laughter from my merry
+      companions, that I feared some of the fair Naiads would have fainted in
+      the waters from fright, and then Heaven help them, for decency would have
+      prevented our rushing to their assistance. The notices to prevent
+      gentlemen <span class="pagenum">[321]</span>from swimming in the baths
+      are, in my opinion, so many inducements or suggestions for every young
+      visitor to attempt it. Among our mad wags, Horace Eglantine was more than
+      once remonstrated with by the old bathing women for indulging in this
+      pleasure, to the great alarm of the ladies, who, crowding together in one
+      corner with their aged attendants, appeared to be in a high state of
+      apprehension lest the loose flannel covering that guards frail mortality
+      upon these occasions should be drawn aside, and discover nature in all her
+      pristine purity&mdash;an accident that had very nearly happened to myself,
+      when, in endeavouring to turn round quickly, I found the water had
+      disencumbered my frame of the yellow bathing robe, which floated on the
+      surface behind me.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0024" id="Dimage-0024">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page321.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page321th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page321" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      One circumstance which made our party more conspicuous, was, the rejection
+      of the Welsh wigs, which not all the entreaties of the attendant could
+      induce any of the wags to wear. The young ladies disfigure themselves by
+      wearing the black bonnets of the bathing women; but spite of this
+      masquerading in the water, their lovely countenances and soul-subduing
+      eyes, create sensations that will be more easily conceived than prudently
+      described. A certain facetious writer, who has published his "Walks
+      through Bath," alluding to this practice, speaks of it as having been
+      prohibited in the fifteenth century. How long such prohibition, if it ever
+      took place, continued, it is not for me to know; but if the Bath
+      peripatetic historian had made it his business to have seen what he has
+      described, he would have found, that the practice of bathing males and
+      females together in <i>puris naturalibus</i> was still continued in high
+      perfection, in spite of the puritans, the Vice Society, or the prohibition
+      of Bishop Beckyngton.{2}
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     2 It appears, that about the middle of the fifteenth century
+     it was the custom for males and females to bathe together,
+     in puris naturalibus, which was at length prohibited by
+     Bishop Beckyngton, who ordered, by way of distinction, the
+     wearing of breeches and petticoats; this indecency was
+     suppressed, after considerable difficulty, at the end of the
+     sixteenth century, (quere, what indecency does our author of
+     the "Walks through Bath" mean? the incumbrance of the
+     breeches and petticoats, we must imagine). It also seems,
+     that about 1700 it was the fashion for both sexes to bathe
+     together indiscriminately, and the ladies used to decorate
+     their heads with all the advantages of dress, as a mode of
+     attracting attention and heightening their charms. The
+     husband of a lady in one of the baths, in company with Beau
+     Nash, was so much enraptured with the appearance of his
+     wife, that he very im-prudently observed, "she looked like
+     an angel, and he wished to be with her." Nash immediately
+     seized him by the collar, and threw him into the bath; this
+     circumstance produced a duel, and Nash was wounded in his
+     right arm: it however had the good effect of establishing
+     the reputation of Nash, who shortly after became master of
+     the ceremonies.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[322]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "You cannot conceive what a number of ladies
+          Were wash'd in the water the same as our maid is:
+          How the ladies did giggle and set up their clacks
+          All the while an old woman was rubbing their backs;
+          Oh! 'twas pretty to see them all put on their flannels,
+          And then take the water, like so many spaniels;
+          And though all the while it grew hotter and hotter,
+          They swam just as if they were hunting an otter.
+          'Twas a glorious sight to behold the fair sex
+          All wading with gentlemen up to their necks,
+          And view them so prettily tumble and sprawl
+          In a great smoking kettle as big as our hall;
+          And to-day many persons of rank and condition
+          Were boil'd, by command of an able physician."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      From the baths we migrated to the grand promenade of fashion, Milsom
+      Street, not forgetting to take a survey of the old Abbey Church, which, as
+      a monument of architectural grandeur without, and of dread monition
+      within, is a building worthy the attention of the antiquarian and the
+      philosopher; while perpetuating the remembrance of many a cherished name
+      to worth, to science, and to virtue dear, the artist and the amateur may
+      derive much gratification from examining the many excellent <span
+      class="pagenum">[323]</span>pieces of sculpture with which the Abbey
+      abounds. But for us, gay in disposition, and scarcely allowing ourselves
+      time for reflection, such a scene had few charms, unless, indeed, the
+      English Spy could have separated himself from the buoyant spirits with
+      which he was attended, and then, wrapt in the gloom of the surrounding
+      scene, and given up to serious contemplation, the emblems of mortality
+      which decorate the gothic pile might have conjured up in his mind's eye
+      the forms of many a departed spirit, of the blest shades of long-lost
+      parents and of social friends, of those who, living, lent a lustre to the
+      arts, of witty madcaps frost-bitten by the sable tyrant Death, nipped in
+      the very bud of youth, while yet the sparkling jest was ripe upon the
+      merry lip, and the ruddy glow of health upon the cheek gave earnest of a
+      lengthened life&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;But, soft! methinks I hear my reader
+      exclaim, "How now, madcap, moralizing Mr. Spy? art thou, too, bitten by
+      the desire to philosophize, thou, 'the very Spy o' the time,' the merry
+      buoyant rogue who has laughed all serious scenes to scorn, and riding over
+      hill, and dale, and verdant plain upon thy fiery courser, fleet as the
+      winds, collecting the cream of comicalities, and, beshrew thee, witling,
+      plucking the brightest flowers that bloom in the road of pleasure to give
+      thy merry garland's perfume, and deck thy page withal, art thou growing
+      serious? Then is doomsday near; and poor, deserted, care-worn man left
+      unprotected to the tempest's rage!" Not so, good reader, we are still the
+      same merry, thoughtless, laughing, buoyant sprite that thou hast known us
+      for the last two years; but the archer cannot always keep his bow upon the
+      stretching point; so there are scenes, and times, and fancies produced by
+      recollective circumstances and objects, which create strange conceits even
+      in the light-hearted bosom of the English Spy. Such was the train of
+      reflections which rushed in <span class="pagenum">[324]</span>voluntarily
+      upon my mind as I noted down the passing events of the day, a practice
+      usual with me when, retiring from the busy hum of men, I seek the
+      retirement of my chamber to commit my thoughts to paper. I had recently
+      passed through the depository where rest the remains of a tender mother&mdash;had
+      sought the spot, unnoticed by my light-hearted companions, and having
+      bedewed with tears of gratitude her humble grave, gave vent to my
+      feelings, by the following tribute to a parent's worth.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      MY MOTHER'S GRAVE.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Beneath yon ivy-mantled wall,
+          In a lone corner, where the earth
+          Presents a rising green mound, all
+          Of her who lov'd and gave me birth
+
+          Lies buried deep.   No trophied stone,
+          Or graven verse denotes the spot:
+          Her worth her epitaph alone,
+          The green-sward grave her humble lot.
+
+          How silent sleep the virtuous dead!
+          For them few sculptured honours rise,
+          No marble tablet here to spread
+          A fame&mdash;their every act implies.
+
+          No mockery here, nor herald's shield,
+          To glitter o'er a bed of clay;
+          But snow-drops and fresh violets yield
+          A tribute to worth pass'd away.
+
+          Tread lightly, ye who love or know
+          En life's young road a parent's worth,
+          Who yet are strangers to the woe
+          Of losing those who gave you birth,
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[325]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Who cherish'd, fondled, fed, and taught
+          From infancy to manhood's pride,
+          Directing every opening thought,
+          Teaching how Reason's power should guide.
+
+          Ye rich and bold, ye grave and gay,
+          Ye mightiest of the sons of men,
+          Wealth, honours, fame shall sink away,
+          And all be equalized again;
+
+          Save what the sculptor may pourtray,
+          And any tyrant, fool, or knave
+          Who has the wealth, may in that way
+          His name from dull oblivion save;
+
+          That is, he may perpetuate
+          His worthlessness, his frauds, and crimes;
+          No matter what his tomb relate,
+          His character lives with the times.
+
+          Shade of my parent! couldst thou hear
+          The voice of him, thine only child,
+          Implore thy loss with filial tear,
+          And deck thy grave with sonnets wild,
+
+          'Twould all thy troubles past repay,
+          Thy anxious cares, thy hopes and fears,
+          To find as time stole life away,
+          Thy mem'ry brighten'd with his years.
+
+          Yes, sacred shade! while mem'ry guides
+          This ever wild eccentric brain,
+          While reason holds or virtue chides,
+          Still will I pour the filial strain.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      "What," said my old friend Horace Eglantine, after reading this tribute to
+      parental worth, "Bernard Blackmantle moralizing; our Spy turned <span
+      class="pagenum">[326]</span>monody-maker, writing epitaphs, and elegies,
+      and odes to spirits that have no corporal substance, when there are so
+      many living subjects yet left for his merrier muse to dwell upon? Come,
+      old fellow, shake off this lethargy of the mind, this vision of past
+      miseries, and prepare for present merriments.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'The streets begin to fill, the motley throng
+          To see and to be seen, now trip along;
+          Some lounge in the bazaars, while others meet
+          To take a turn or two in Milsom-street;
+          Some eight or ten round Mirvan's shop remain,
+          To stare at those who gladly stare again.'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      In short, my dear fellow, we are all waiting your company to join the
+      swells in Milsom-street; where, I have no doubt, you will find many a star
+      of fashion, whose eccentricities you will think justly entitles him to a
+      niche in your gallery of living characters.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          'Lords of the creation, who, half awake,
+          Adorn themselves their daily lounge to take;
+          Each lordly man his taper waist displays,
+          Combs his sweet locks, and laces on his stays,
+          Ties on his starch'd cravat with nicest care,
+          And then steps forth to petrify the fair.'
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Such, for instance, is that roué yonder, the very prince of Bath fops,
+      Handsome Jack, whose vanity induces him to assert that his eyebrows are
+      worth one hundred per annum to any young fellow in pursuit of a fortune:
+      it should, however, be admitted, that his gentlemanly manners and great
+      good-nature more than compensate for any little detractions on the score
+      of self-conceit. What the son is, the father was in earlier life; and the
+      old beau is not a little gratified to observe the estimation in which his
+      son is held by the fair sex, on account of his attractive person and still
+      more prepossessing manners.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "You have heard of Peagreen Hayne's exploits at Burdrop Park; and here
+      comes the proprietor of the <span class="pagenum">[327]</span>place,
+      honest Tom Calley, as jovial a true-hearted English gentleman as ever
+      followed a pack of foxhounds, or gloried in preserving and promoting the
+      old English hospitalities of the table: circumstances, the result of some
+      hard runs and long odds, have a little impaired the family exchequer;
+      however the good wishes of all who know him attend him in adversity. But
+      the clouds which have for a time obstructed his sunshine of mirth are fast
+      wearing away, and when he shall return to the enjoyment of his patrimonial
+      acres, he will be sure to meet a joyous welcome from all surrounding him,
+      accompanied with the heartfelt congratulations of those to whom in Bath he
+      is particularly endeared. The smart little fellow driving by in his
+      cabriolet is beau Burgess, a single star, and one of no mean attraction
+      among the fair spinsters, who can estimate the merits and admire the
+      refulgence of ten thousand sovereign attendant satellites.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0025" id="Dimage-0025">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page327.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page327th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page327" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Bath is, perhaps, now the only place in the kingdom where there is yet to
+      be found a four-in-hand club; a society of gentlemen Jehus, who formerly
+      in London cut no inconsiderable figure in the annals of fashion, and who,
+      according to our mode of estimating the amusements of the gay world, were
+      very unfairly satirized, seeing, that with the pursuit of pleasure was
+      combined the additional employment of a large number of mechanics, and a
+      stimulus given, not only to the improvement of a noble breed of horses,
+      but to the acquirement of a knowledge, the perfection of which in the
+      metropolis is particularly necessary to the existence of the peripatetic
+      pleasures of his majesty's subjects. Here we have Colonel Allen, who puts
+      along a good team in very prime style, and having lately been spliced to a
+      good fortune, is a perfect master in the <i>manage</i>-ment of the bit.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      "Squire Richards is, also, by no means a contemptible knight of the
+      ribbons, only he sometimes measures <span class="pagenum">[328]</span>his
+      distance a little too closely; a practice, which if he does not improve
+      upon, may some day, in turning a corner, not bring him off right. 'A
+      follower of the Buxton school and a true knight of the throng,' says old
+      Tom Whipcord in the Annals of Sporting, 'must not expect to drive four
+      high-bred horses well with an opera-glass stuck in his right ogle.' A bit
+      of good advice that will not only benefit the squire if he attends to it,
+      but perhaps save the lives of one or two of the Bath pedestrians. The
+      leader of the club, who, by way of distinction from his namesake the
+      colonel, is designated Scotch Allen, is really a noble whip, putting along
+      four horses in first-rate style, all brought well up to their work, and
+      running together as close and as regular as the wheels of his carriage.
+      The comical little character upon the strawberry pony is the Bath Adonis;
+      a fine specimen of the Irish antique, illustrated with a beautiful
+      brogue,and emblazoned with a gold coat of arms. The amours of old B&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;-in
+      Bath would very well fill a volume of themselves; but the anecdote I gave
+      you in the Pump-room of little Lacy and her paramour will be sufficient to
+      show you in what estimation he is held by the ladies." "Give me leave to
+      introduce you to a Raer fellow," said Heartly; "an old friend of mine, who
+      has all his lifetime been a wholesale dealer in choice spirits, and having
+      now bottled off enough for the remainder of his life, is come to spend the
+      evening of his days in Bath among the bon vivants of the elegant city,
+      enjoying the tit bits of pleasure, and courting the sweet society of the
+      pretty girls. By heavens! boys, we shall be found out, and you, Mr. Spy,
+      will be the ruin of us all, for here comes our old sporting acquaintance,
+      Charles Bannatyne, with his Jackall at his heels, accompanied by that mad
+      wag Oemsby, the Cheltenham amateur of fashion, and the gallant little
+      Lieutenant Valombre, who having formerly made a rich capture of Spanish
+      dollars, is perhaps upon the look-out here <span class="pagenum">[329]</span>for
+      a frigate well-laden with English specie, in order to sail in consort, and
+      cruize off the straits of independence for life. Well, success attend
+      him," said Heartly; "for he well deserves a good word whether at sea or on
+      shore. The military-looking gentleman yonder, who is in close conversation
+      with that rough diamond, Ellis, once a London attorney, is the
+      highly-respected Colonel Fitzgerald, whom our friend Transit formerly
+      caricatured under the cognomen of Colonel Saunter, a good-humoured joke,
+      with which he is by no means displeased himself." "But, my dear fellows,"
+      said Transit, "if we remain fixed to this spot much longer, we shall have
+      the eyes of all the <i>beau monde</i> upon us, and stand a chance of being
+      pointed at for the rest of the time that we remain in Bath." A piece of
+      advice that was not wholly unnecessary, for being personally known to a
+      few of the sporting characters, our visit to the elegant city had spread
+      like wildfire, and on our appearance in Milsom-street, a very general
+      desire was expressed by the beaux to have a sight of the English Spy and
+      his friend Transit, by whose joint labours they anticipated they might
+      hereafter live to fame.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      One of the most remarkable personages of the old school still left to Bath
+      is the celebrated Captain Mathews, the author of "a short Treatise on
+      Whist," and the same gentleman who at an early period of life contested
+      with the late R. B. Sheridan, upon Lansdowne, for the fair hand of the
+      beauteous Miss Lindly, the lady to whom the wit was afterwards married. In
+      this way did my pleasant friends Heartly and Eglantine continue to furnish
+      me with brief notices of the most attractive of the stars of fashion who
+      usually lounge away the mornings in Milsom-street, exchanging the familiar
+      nod and "How d'ye do?" and holding sweet discourse among their fragrant
+      selves upon the pursuits of the <i>haute classe</i>, the merits of the
+      last new novel, or the fortune of the last unmarried feminine <span
+      class="pagenum">[330]</span>arrival. To these may be added reminiscences
+      of the last night's card-table and remarks upon the Balls at the rooms;
+      for
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "Two musical parties to Bladud belong,
+          To delight the old rooms and the upper;
+          One gives to the ladies a supper, no song,
+          And the other a song and no supper."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      "The <i>jolie</i> dame to the right," said Horace, "is the mother of
+      England's best friend, the Secretary for the Foreign Department, George
+      Canning, a man to whom we are all indebted for the amalgamation of party,
+      and the salvation of the country The clerical who follows immediately
+      behind Mrs. Hunn is a reverend gentleman whose daughters both recently
+      eloped from his house on the same morning attended by favoured lovers to
+      bind with sacred wreaths their happy destinies at the shrine of Hymen." We
+      had now reached the bottom of the street again, after having made at least
+      a dozen promenades to and fro, and were on the point of retiring to our
+      hotel to dress for dinner, when Heartly directed my attention to a dashing
+      roue, who, dressed in the extreme of superlative style, was accompanied by
+      a beautiful piece of fair simplicity in the garb of a Puritan. "That,"
+      said my friend, "is the beautiful Miss D**T&mdash;one of the faithful,
+      whom the dashing Count L***c***t has recently induced to say ay for life:
+      thus gaining a double prize of no mean importance by one stroke of good
+      luck&mdash;a fine girl and a fine fortune into the bargain." I must not
+      forget our friend the consulting surgeon H***ks, or omit to notice that in
+      Bath the faculty are all distinguished by some peculiar title of this
+      sort, as, the digestive Physician, the practical Apothecary, and the
+      operative Chemist; a piece of quackery not very creditable to their
+      acknowledged skill and general respectability. At dinner we were again
+      joined by our facetious <span class="pagenum">[331]</span>friend
+      Blackstrap, who, to use his own phraseology, having made "a good morning's
+      work of it," hoped he might be permitted to make one among us, a request
+      with which we were most willing to comply. In the evening, after the
+      bottle had circulated freely, some of our party proposed a visit to the
+      theatre, but as Bath theatricals could not be expected to afford much
+      amusement to London frequenters of the theatres royal, Transit suggested
+      our sallying forth for a spree;" for," said he, "I have not yet booked a
+      bit of true life since I have been in Bath. The pump-room, the bathers,
+      and the swells in Milsom-street, are all very well for the lovers of
+      elegant life; but our sporting friends and old college chums will expect
+      to see a genuine touch or two of the broad humour of Bath&mdash;something
+      suburban and funny. Cannot you introduce us to any thing pleasant of this
+      sort!" said Transit, addressing Blackstrap: "perhaps give us a sight of
+      the interior of a snug convent, or show us where the Bath wonderfuls
+      resort to carouse and sing away their cares."&mdash;"It is some years
+      since," said Blackstrap, "that in the company of a few merry wags, I paid
+      a visit to the Buff-club in Avon-street: but as you, gentlemen, appear
+      disposed for a little fun, if you will pledge yourselves to be directed by
+      me, I will undertake to introduce you to a scene far exceeding in
+      profligacy and dissipation the most florid picture which our friend
+      Transit has yet furnished of the back settlements in the Holy-land." With
+      this understanding, and with no little degree of anticipatory pleasure,
+      did our merry group set forth to take a survey of the interior of the long
+      room at the Pig and Whistle in Avon-street. Of the origin of this sign,
+      Blackstrap gave us a very humorous anecdote: the house was formerly, it
+      would appear, known by the sign of the Crown and Thistle, and was at that
+      time the resort of the Irish Traders who visited Bath to dispose of their
+      linens. One of these Emeralders <span class="pagenum">[332]</span>having
+      lost his way, and being unable to recollect either the name of the street
+      or the sign of his inn, thus addressed a countryman whom he accidentally
+      met: "Sure I've quite forgotten the sign of my inn." "Be after mentioning
+      something like it, my jewel," said his friend. "Sure it's very like the
+      Pig and Whistle," replied the enquirer. "By the powers, so it is:&mdash;the
+      Crown and Thistle, you mean;" and from this mistake of the Emeralder, the
+      house has ever since been so designated. Upon our visit to this scene of
+      uproarious mirth, we found it frequented by the lowest and most depraved
+      characters in society; the mendicants, and miserable of the female sex,
+      who, lost to every sense of shame or decency, assemble here to indulge in
+      profligacies, the full description of which must not stain the pages of
+      the English Spy.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0026" id="Dimage-0026">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page332.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page332th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page332" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      As a scene of low life, my friend Transit has done it ample justice, where
+      the portraits of Lady Grosvenor as one of the Cyprian frequenters is
+      designated, the Toad in a Hole, and Lucy the Fair, will be easily
+      recognised. A gallon of gin for the ladies, and a liberal distribution of
+      beer and tobacco for the males, made us very welcome guests, and insured
+      us, during our short stay, at least from personal interruption. It may be
+      asked why such a house is licensed by the magistracy; but when it is known
+      that characters of this sort will always be found in well-populated
+      places, and that the doors are regularly closed at eleven o'clock, it is
+      perhaps thought to be a measure of prudence to let them continue to
+      assemble in an obscure part of the suburbs, where they congregate together
+      under the vigilant eye of the police, instead of being driven abroad to
+      seek fresh places of resort, and by this means increase the evils of
+      society.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The next morning saw my friend Transit and myself again prepared to
+      separate from our friends Heartly and Eglantine, on our way to Worcester,
+      <span class="pagenum">[333]</span>where we had promised to pay a visit to
+      old Crony on our road back to London. Reader, if our sketches in Bath are
+      somewhat brief, remember we are ever on the wing in search of novelty, and
+      are not disposed to stay one day longer in any place than it affords fresh
+      food for pen and pencil In the characters we have sketched we disclaim any
+      thought of personal offence; eccentrics are public property, and must not
+      object to appear in print, seeing that they are in the journey through
+      life allowed to ride a free horse, without that curb which generally
+      restrains the conduct of others But I must here take my farewell of the
+      elegant city of that attractive spot of which Bayley justly sings
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          "In this auspicious region all mankind
+          (Whate'er their taste) congenial joys may find;
+          Here monied men may pass for men of worth;
+          And wealthy Cits may hide plebeian birth.
+          Here men devoid of cash may live with ease,
+          Appear genteel, and pass for what they please."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dlink2H_4_0014" id="Dlink2H_4_0014">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      WAGGERIES AT WORCESTER.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[334]</span>The meeting with an old friend at
+      Worcester induced us to domicile there for the space of three days, during
+      which time I will not say we were laid up with Lavender, but certainly
+      near enough to scent it. Most of our Worcester acquaintance will however
+      understand what is meant by this allusion to one of the pleasantest
+      fellows that ever commanded the uncivil customers in the Castle, since the
+      time of the civil wars. The city is perhaps as quiet a dull place as may
+      be found within his majesty's dominions, where a cannon-ball might be
+      fired down the principal street at noon-day without killing more than the
+      ruby-nosed incumbent of a fat benefice, a superannuated tradesman, or a
+      manufacturer of crockery-ware. No stranger should, however, pass through
+      the place without visiting the extensive China works of Messrs. Flight and
+      Barr, to which the greatest facility is given by the proprietors; and the
+      visit must amply repay any admirer of the arts. A jovial evening, spent
+      with our old friend of the Castle, had ended with a kind invitation from
+      him to partake of a spread at his hotel on the following morning; but such
+      was the apprehensions of Transit at the idea of entering this mansion of
+      the desolate, from being troubled with certain qualmish remembrances of
+      the previous night's debauch, that not all my intreaties, nor the repeated
+      messages of the worthy commander of the Castle, could bring our friend
+      Transit to book.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[335]</span>To those who know my friend John, and
+      there are few of any respectability who do not both know and admire him,
+      his facetious talent will require but little introduction. Lavender is
+      what a man of the world, whose business it has been to watch over the
+      interests of society, should be, superior in education and in mind, to any
+      one I ever met with filling a similar situation: the governor of the
+      Castle is a companion for a lord, or to suit the purposes of justice,
+      instantly metamorphosed into an out and outer, a regular knowing cove,
+      whose knowledge of flash and the cant and slang used by the dissolute is
+      considered to be superior to that of any public officer. A specimen of
+      this will be found in the following note, which a huge fellow of a turnkey
+      brought to my bedside, and then apologised for disturbing me, by pleading
+      the governor's instructions.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     "QUEER COVES,
+
+     "I hope you have left your dabs,{1}
+     and nobs,{2} all right: perhaps prime legs{3} is queer in
+     the oration-box{4} from a too frequent use of the
+     steamer{5} last darky.{6} I make this fakement{7} to let
+     you know I and morning spread are waiting.
+
+     Steel-hotel,                                       Yours, &amp;c.
+
+     June 9, 1825.                                      LOCKIT."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0027" id="Dimage-0027">
+      <!-- IMG --></a> <a href="images2/page335.jpg">ENLARGE TO FULL SIZE</a><br />
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page335th.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page335" />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      My readers will very readily conceive that with such a companion we were
+      not long in tracing out what little of true life was to be found in
+      Worcester, and certainly one of the pleasantest scenes in which we
+      participated was a visit to the Subscription Bowling Alley, where, in the
+      summer time, the most respectable of the inhabitants of Worcester meet
+      every evening
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     1 Beds.
+
+     2 Heads.
+
+     3 Cruikshank..
+
+     4 Cranium.
+
+     5 A pipe.
+
+     6 Night.
+
+     7 A note.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[336]</span>for recreation; and a right pleasant
+      company we found them. The Caleb Quotem of the society, Dr. Davis, united
+      in one person all the acquirements of the great original: he not only
+      keeps the time of the city, but keeps all the musicians of the place in
+      time; regulates the watch and the watches, and plays a solo <i>à la
+      Dragonetti</i> upon the double bass. Sam Swan is another choice spirit,
+      who sings a good chant, lives well respected, and sails down the stream of
+      time as pleasantly as if he was indeed a royal bird.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      An old Burdettite, Will Shunk, recognised in us a partizan of the
+      government candidate at one of the Westminster Elections: "But, sir," said
+      Will, "politics and I have nearly parted; for you must know, I am
+      tolerably <i>well breeched</i>, and can fairly say I am hand and glove
+      with all the first nobility in the kingdom." A truth to which Captain
+      Corls readily assented by explaining that Master William Shunk was a
+      first-rate glover, and considered worth a plum at least: "in short, sir,"
+      said the captain, "he is a nabob here, and brings to my mind some of the
+      eastern princes with whom I have met during my Campaigns in the East." The
+      very mention of which exploit induced our friend the governor to tip us
+      the office, and the joke was well humoured until silver Powell, who they
+      say comes from Norfolk, interrupted our travels in India, with, "Captain,
+      can't you see that ere Athlantic fellow, the governor, is making fun of
+      you to amuse his London friends." A hint that appeared to strike the
+      Captain very forcibly, for it struck him dumb. A good-humoured contest
+      between honest Joe Shelton, and Probert the school-master, elicited some
+      very comical exposures in the way of recriminations. Joe, it would appear,
+      is an artist in economy; and an old story about a lobster raised Joe's ire
+      to its height, and produced the Lex taliones on Probert, <span
+      class="pagenum">[337]</span>whose habits of frugality wanted his
+      competitor's humour to make them pass current. Transit, who had been
+      amusing himself with sketching the characters, had become acquainted with
+      a sporting Reverend, whose taste for giblets had proved rather expensive;
+      and who was most desirous of appearing in print: a favor merry Stephen
+      Godson, the lawyer, requested might also be extended to him." "Ay," said
+      John Portman, "and if you want a character for your foreground rich in
+      colour, my phiz is much at your service; and here's George Brookes, the
+      radical, to form a good dark object in the distance." In this way the
+      evening passed off very pleasantly. Our friend had made the object of our
+      visit to the Bowling Alley known to some few of his intimates,
+      circumstance that I have no doubt rather operated to prevent a display of
+      some of those good-humoured eccentricities with which it is not
+      unfrequently marked. Upon my return to town, I received a farewell ode
+      from my Spirit in the Clouds, evidently written under a misconception that
+      the English Spy was about to withdraw himself for a time, from his
+      sketches on men and manners, when in fact, although his labours will here
+      close with the completion of a Second Volume, his friends will find, that
+      he is most desirous of still engaging their attentions in a new form,
+      attended not only by all his former associates, but uniting in his train
+      the brightest and the merriest of all the choice Spirits of the Age.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dlink2H_4_0015" id="Dlink2H_4_0015">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      BERNARD BLACKMANTLE TO HIS READERS.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      To prevent a misconception, and do himself justice, the author of the
+      English Spy feels it necessary to state, that in every instance the
+      subjects for the Plates illustrating this work have been furnished by his
+      pen, and not unfrequently, the rough ideas have <span class="pagenum">[338]</span>first
+      emanated from his own pencil; while he states this fact to prevent error,
+      he is most anxious to acknowledge the great assistance he has derived from
+      the inimitable humour and graphic skill in the execution of the designs,
+      by his friend Robert Transit.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0028" id="Dimage-0028">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page338.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page338 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dlink2H_4_0016" id="Dlink2H_4_0016">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      A SHORT ODE AT PARTING,
+    </h2>
+    <h3>
+      FROM HIS "SPIRIT IN THE CLOUDS"
+    </h3>
+    <p>
+      TO THE ENGLISH SPY. <span class="pagenum">[339]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Prospero. Now does my project gather to a head;
+     My charms crack not; my spirits obey:
+     &mdash;&mdash;How's the day?
+
+     Ariel.  On the sixth hour; at which time, my lord,
+     You said our work should cease.
+
+     &mdash;Shakspkare's Tempest.
+
+     So fare you well; I have left you commands.
+     Ibid.&mdash;As you like it.
+
+          "'Tis true, and pity 'tis, 'tis true,"
+          That though on fairest winds we flew,
+          I in the clouds, beneath them you,
+          We still must parted be;
+
+          And that, e'en whilst the world still hung
+          On what you wrote, and what I sung,
+          Enamour'd of our double tongue,
+          Exits my Bernard B&mdash;&mdash;-.
+
+          Well, all great actors must have pause,
+          When toiling in a patriot cause,
+          And ere another scene he draws,
+          New characters to cast,
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[340]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          Secure of having played his part,
+          As nature dictates, from the heart,
+          'Tis fair before another start,
+          He brush up from the last.
+
+          But how will humbugs of the age,
+          (I don't mean Mr. B.'s dull page,)
+          Crow that they scape satiric rage,
+          And get off in whole skins;
+
+          How will dramatic fools rejoice!
+          No more is heard great Bernard's voice,
+          And that, Heav'n knows, there is a choice,
+          Their flummery begins.{1}
+
+          But go your ways; it may be wise,
+          To let these puny, pestering flies
+          Buzz about people's ears and eyes,
+          A season or two longer;
+
+          There must be evil mixed with good,
+          A bottom to the clearest flood,
+          And let them stand where others stood,
+          Till shown who is the stronger.
+
+          Then, fortune-hunting squires of Bath,
+          Fine as the Burmese jewell'd Rath,{2}
+          Pray totter o'er your Bond-street path,
+          A respite short is yours.
+
+     1 I speak of would-be actors (male and female), vain and
+     incompetent managers, flippant and unequal critics, puffed
+     and translating authors, in short, of all before and behind
+     the curtain who have injured, or may injuro, the legitimate
+     drama. Let the theatres, like our trade, be free, and
+     monopoly thrive not, and for their success the Spirit will
+     ever pray; at present, it is "a mad world, my masters;" and
+     I am afraid Mr. Rayner with his long and set speeches, as
+     chairman of Thomas's Shakspeareans, will not mend the
+     matter. We note this to him in a friendly way; seeing, that
+     he is a worthy fellow, and a clever Caliban, and really
+     loves Shakspeare next to Newmarket and Doncaster.
+
+     2 The  Burmese   carriage is certainly  a curious   machine
+     of Indian workmanship; but it is, we should fancy, mere
+     outside&mdash;fine to look at, but a "rum one to go," like the
+     be-togged, be-booted, be-spurred, furred, and cloaked half
+     pays, fortune-hunters, gentlemen with the brogue, &amp;c. that
+     pay their court so assiduously to Mrs. Dolland's cheesecakes
+     and Mr. Heaviside's quadrilles. But the world is often
+     ornament caught.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[341]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          And daughter-selling mothers, still
+          Lure the young boys, their eyes may kill,
+          To wed your flesh and blood, and fill
+          Your purse, and pay your tours.
+
+          Ye London blacks, ye Cheltenham whites,{3}
+          Ye turners of the days to nights,
+          Make, make the most of all your flights,
+          Whilst I and Bernard doze;
+
+          But still be sure, by this same token,
+          We still shall sleep with one eye open{4}
+          And the first hour our nap is broken,
+          You'll pay for't through the nose.
+
+     3 There are indeed "black spirits and white spirits" of all
+     sorts and sizes, at all times and places; and a well-cut
+     coat and a white satin dress are frequently equally
+     dangerous glossings to frail and cunning mortality within.
+     To be sure, we have brought down the "tainted wethers of
+     dame Nature's flock" with the double barrels of wit and
+     satire, right and left; but like mushrooms or mole-hills,
+     they are a breeding, increasing species, and it will be only
+     a real battue of sharp-shooting that will destroy the
+     coveys.    Nevertheless,
+
+          "I have a rod in pickle,
+           Their&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;"
+
+     I declare the Spirit is growing earthly.
+
+     4 The Bristol men "down along," sleep, they say, in this way
+     and hence is it rare for Jew or Gentile, Turk or infidel, to
+     get the blind side of them. Some of them, however, have ere
+     now been done brown, and that too by being too fanciful and
+     neat in their likings.    These tales of the sleepers of an
+     eye are too good to be lost; they shall be bound up in the
+     volume of my brain, hereafter to be perused with advantage.
+     At present,
+
+          "I hear a voice thou canst not hear;
+          I see a hand thou canst not see;
+          It calls to me from yonder sphere,
+          It points to where my brethren be."
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[342]</span>
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+          When that time comes, and come it must,
+          For what we say is not pie-crust,
+          To yield to every trifling thrust,
+          England shall see some fun.
+
+          Like "eagles in a dove-cote," we
+          Both rooks and pigeons will make flee,
+          Whilst every cashless company
+          Shall, laugh'd at, "cut and run."
+
+          Thus telling painted folly's sect,
+          What they're to look to, what expect,
+          My farewell words I now direct
+          To thee, migrating Spy;
+
+          That done, deliver'd all commands,
+          I man a cloud-ship with brave hands,
+          And sail to (quitting mortal lands),
+          My parlour in the sky.
+
+          Bernard, farewell; may rosy health
+          Companion'd by that cherub wealth,
+          Be constant to you, like myself,
+          Your own departing spirit.
+
+          Not that you're going to die; no, no,
+          You'll only take a nap or so;
+          But yet I wish you, 'fore you go,
+          These blessings to inherit.
+
+          Bernard, farewell; pray think of me,
+          When you ride earth, or cross the sea;
+          On both, you know, I've been with thee,
+          And sung some pretty things;
+
+          Great Spy, farewell; when next you rise
+          To make of fools a sacrifice,
+          You'll hear, down-cleaving from the skies,
+          The rustle of my wings.
+
+          January, 1826.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <span class="pagenum">[343]</span>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Bernard Blackmantle and Bob Transit,
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="Dimage-0029" id="Dimage-0029">
+      <!-- IMG --></a>
+    </p>
+    <div class="fig">
+      <img src="images2/page343.jpg" width="100%" alt="Page343 " />
+    </div>
+    <p>
+      THE END. <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+
+
+
+
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