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+The Project Gutenberg eBook, Confessions of an Etonian, by I. E. M.
+
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+
+
+
+Title: Confessions of an Etonian
+
+
+Author: I. E. M.
+
+
+
+Release Date: September 29, 2006  [eBook #19405]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+
+***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CONFESSIONS OF AN ETONIAN***
+
+
+E-text prepared by Jeannie Howse, Irma Spehar, Jason Isbell, and the
+Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team
+(http://www.pgdp.net/) from page images generously made available by
+Internet Archive (http://www.archive.org/index.php)
+
+
+
+Note: Images of the original pages are available through
+      Internet Archive. See
+      http://ia301238.us.archive.org/1/items/The_Confessions_Of_An_Etonian/
+
+
+      +--------------------------------------------------------------+
+      | Transcriber's note:                                          |
+      |                                                              |
+      | Inconsistent hyphenation and unusual spelling in the         |
+      | original document have been preserved.                       |
+      |                                                              |
+      | A number of obvious typographical errors have been corrected |
+      | in this text. For a complete list, please see the end of     |
+      | this document.                                               |
+      |                                                              |
+      +--------------------------------------------------------------+
+
+
+
+
+
+THE CONFESSIONS OF AN ETONIAN.
+
+by
+
+I. E. M.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+London
+Saunders and Otley, Conduit Street.
+1846.
+
+
+
+
+"To preserve the past is half of immortality."
+
+D'ISRAELI THE ELDER.
+
+
+
+
+PREFACE.
+
+
+The author is anxious to request any person who may meet with this
+trifling volume to bear in mind that it contains the memoir of an
+unworthy member of the place to which it alludes--that many years have
+now elapsed since he quitted the spot where its regulations with
+regard to education have been as much altered as improved. For Eton!
+"my heart is thine though my shadow falls on a distant land." But
+should these pages influence the judgment of any mistaken but
+well-meaning parent, as to his son's future destination, the writer
+will hope that he has not exposed himself in vain.
+
+
+
+
+THE CONFESSIONS OF AN ETONIAN.
+
+
+BOOK THE FIRST.
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+"Here's Harry crying!" And on the instant, my brother awoke the elder
+ones to witness and enjoy the astounding truth.
+
+"What makes you think that?" I replied, in as resolute a tone as a
+throat choking with anguish would admit of.
+
+"Why, you're crying now," added another brother; "I see the tears
+shining in the moonlight."
+
+"Only a little," I at length admitted; and, satisfied with the
+concession, my numerous brethren composed themselves once more to
+sleep in the corners of the carriage, on their way to Eton, leaving my
+eldest brother's pointer and myself at the bottom, to our own
+reflections As for old Carlo, his still and regular breathing evinced
+that his mind was as easy and comfortable as his body, sagaciously
+satisfying himself with the evil of the day as it passed over him.
+Here Carlo had the advantage of me,--I anticipated the morrow. Strange
+and boisterous school-boys, tight-pantalooned ushers, with menacing
+canes, were, to my yet unsophisticated mind, anything but agreeable
+subjects for a reverie, and I felt proportionately doleful; I turned
+my thoughts on the past, and I was very miserable.
+
+I now learnt that I had been happy, and, for the first time,
+appreciated that happiness. The hours of this long, weary day had
+appeared to be as many months; and when I ruminated on former scenes,
+and their dear little events, I sighed in bitterness, "What a time ago
+all this seems!" And as I peered up at the moon from my abyss through
+the window, my eyes unconsciously swam with tears, when I reflected
+that, if at home, I should at this moment be taking tea with my dear
+nurse, Lucy, and my sister's governess, just before I went to bed.
+
+I had now bid an eternal farewell to, doubtless, by far the
+dearest,--happiest period of our existence, the dawn of life's
+day--that enviable time when "we have no lessons;" when the colt
+presses, with his unshod foot, the fresh and verdant meadow, while he
+wonders at the team toiling under a noontide sun, over the parched
+and arid fallow in the distance.
+
+This, then, was my first lesson of experience; and on reflection,
+perhaps many of us will agree that, after all the vaunted troubles and
+anxieties incident to manhood, few surpass in intensity and
+hopelessness the sad separation from home for a detested school; it is
+real and wringing anguish, though, fortunately, like flayed eels, we
+eventually become inured to it.
+
+I now went through, for three years at a private school, the usual
+routine of punishment and bullying preparatory for Eton; and as these
+were of the ordinary kind, I will at once omit this epoch of my life,
+and commence with my _debût_ at that great capital of England's
+schools.
+
+It may not be out of place to give here a slight and rapid sketch of
+the scene to which these immediate pages are confined, as well as of
+other matters connected with it.
+
+Every one knows where Windsor is, and that Eton was separated from it
+by the Thames, until united by Windsor Bridge. But, with regard to the
+latter town, there may be some confusion, for it is divided into Eton,
+and Eton proper. This last will hereafter be distinguished as
+"College," and is situated about half a mile from the bridge, to which
+it is connected by the town.
+
+"College," I think, may be said to comprehend "the school-yard," the
+suburbs, and "the playing fields."
+
+"The school-yard" is a spacious and respectable quadrangle; the upper
+school, the church, the cloisters, and long chamber, each respectively
+forming a side of it. In the centre is placed the statue of the
+founder, Henry VI.
+
+"The upper school" is placed over an arched cloister, and an
+ominous-looking region, in which, I suspect, is the magazine of birch.
+The school is nothing more than an extensive room, with its floor
+lined with fixed forms, and the wainscot with sculptured names
+innumerable. One is guilty of a sad omission should he quit Eton
+without giving a crown to Cartland to perpetuate his name on the
+immortal oak. Perhaps the loss of few olden records would be more
+deplored than its destruction, for here are registered many of Eton's
+worthiest sons; C.I. FOX, as in after life, is here pre-eminent.
+Adjoining the upper end is another room, called "the library," in
+which there is not a book, but there is "the block," which speaks
+volumes; and as a library may, by a little forcing, be defined to be a
+chamber set apart for the acquirement of learning, this room is not,
+perhaps, misnamed.
+
+This block is a very simple machine--merely a couple of steps. The
+victim places his knees on the lower, and his elbows on the upper
+step; but if the reader will thus place himself in his imagination,
+he will enter more immediately into the spirit of the thing.
+
+In front of him he sees a couple of little collegers, to hold aside
+the skirts of his coat. On his left is Keate, like Jupiter about to
+hurl his thunderbolt; on his right "the birch cupboard;" and though he
+can see nothing, he has little doubt of what is in his rear, the
+instant he is operated on. "Neither intemperance nor old age hae, in
+gout or rheumatic, an agony to compare wi' a weel-laid-on whack of the
+tawse, on a part that for manners shall be nameless."
+
+The church, though not very remarkable for its dimensions, may be
+styled a handsome and venerable Gothic edifice; simple and regular,
+with its sides supported by deep and lofty buttresses, the recesses of
+which form the boys' "fives-walls."
+
+The cloisters form another small quadrangle. Over them are built the
+comfortable dwellings of the "College fellows," and "the College
+library," which is somewhat more appropriately furnished than that
+just described.
+
+The Fellows have each been boys on the foundation, having been
+elected, according to seniority, to King's College, Cambridge, from
+whence they have been re-elected Fellows of Eton.
+
+"Long chamber" is long enough to contain nearly the whole of the
+collegers, or boys on the foundation, whose complement I conjecture to
+be about seventy. This is a region of which I can give but an
+uncertain description, for few "Oppidans" cared to venture in. When I
+did, it was to be tossed in a blanket, so that, though elevated, my
+survey was hasty and superficial; but I suspect that the entire
+furniture to which a colleger lays claim, is his bed and bureau,
+tables and chairs being here as much out of keeping (if they could be
+kept at all) as at Stonehenge. _En passant_--this tossing was a
+pastime replete with the sublime and awful. That their efforts might
+be simultaneous, those who held the blanket, and they were legion,
+made use of the following neat hexameter:
+
+
+    "Ibis ab excusso, missus ab astra, sago."
+
+
+And you go with a vengeance. "You shall fly from the quivering
+blanket, despatched to the stars." The suspense was fearful while
+awaiting the utterance of the ultimate syllable--how perfectly and
+permanently have I acquired this pithy verse!
+
+The floor is polished once a year on Election Friday, by "rug-riding."
+This is accomplished by rolling a fellow up in a counterpane, here
+properly called a rug. To either end of him is attached a rope, to
+which five or six boys are harnessed. The floor is now well smeared
+with tallow-grease, over which the warm mummy, rendered still hotter
+by friction, is now drawn with delightful velocity. The polish thus
+obtained is admirable, and but the slightest flavour of grease lingers
+until the ensuing election.
+
+The suburbs form a small town, composed of a few large and
+indispensable shops, together with the houses of the masters and
+dames, at whose houses the boys, not on the foundation, and who are
+denominated "oppidans," board and lodge.
+
+"The playing-fields" are very extensive, and subdivided into the
+playing-fields, "upper-shooting-fields," and "lower-shooting-fields."
+The two latter are separated from the former by "poet's-walk," a
+lovely little peninsula, with an avenue of lime-trees running through
+its entire length.
+
+The shooting-fields are appropriated solely to cricket, and in winter
+are "out of bounds." The playing-fields are open for foot-ball in the
+winter, and for fighting all the year round. The whole is most
+beautifully situated on the banks of the Thames, with the Little Park
+and Windsor Castle on the opposite side. In addition, it is lined and
+studded with the stateliest and most gigantic elms in England.
+
+These three divisions, the school-yard, suburbs, and playing-fields,
+form in theory "the bounds," which in practice are boundless, an
+Etonian's movements being curbed by time, rather than by space.
+
+Eton, at its foundation, was a charity-school for seventy boys. In
+time, it received other pupils. The original ones are collegers, who
+are distinguished by a coarse black gown; the latter are oppidans,
+literally meaning "town-boys." The former may not wear white trowsers,
+and all are debarred boots, and black or coloured neckcloths.
+
+Collegers are dieted solely on mutton; hence they are familiarly and
+vulgarly termed "mutton-tugs," abbreviated to "tugs," which homely
+monosyllable they themselves derive from _togati_, on account of their
+wearing the _toga_--had they not better trace their origin at once
+from that mysterious and secret society of the Thugs of India? But
+their internal economy should be treated with diffidence, for between
+them and the oppidans there was ever an undefined, though "great gulf
+fixed." Owing to this, there is a difficulty in deciding how much, if
+any, of the following incident may be authentic. As asserted above,
+they were confined to mutton, the whole mutton, and nothing but the
+mutton, until the humane, but late Mr. Godolphin bequeathed a sum of
+money, to be appropriated in supplying them with potatoes, which
+henceforth accompanied the mutton, though in a state of nature; and
+as this was not contrary to the statute, and as in all charities as
+little is done for the money as is possible, the poor boys and their
+potatoes were without remedy, until one of the College Fellows kindly
+bequeathed an annuity towards extricating them from their dilemma. He
+has ever since been appropriately immortalized as "Pealipo Roberts."
+
+Each boy has a tutor, who is one of the masters, of whom there are
+about thirteen. Their chief occupation is in correcting, and
+explaining the errors of their pupils' exercises. At the period now
+spoken of, the school consisted of six hundred and twenty boys,
+probably the greatest number it had hitherto attained. Each master's
+house is generally filled with boarders.
+
+The "dames" are boarding-houses, mostly kept by clergymen's widows, or
+widows of some sort; there are also about thirteen of these.
+
+Assistant masters are professors of French, mathematics, writing, and
+dancing; but they are altogether independent of the college, and are
+taken or not at the will of the parents.
+
+There is another class of assistant masters, and these are the Cads.
+They are the professors of shooting, rowing, and cricket, and have
+many pupils. The most leading characters among them were Jack Hall,
+Lary Miller, Pickey Powell, and Jemmy Flowers; but with regard to the
+latter there existed a slight odium, owing to his religious tenets--he
+was suspected of Mahometanism. Lary Miller ever asserted his
+conviction, that "Jemmy was a Maho-maiden, having surprised him one
+evening in the Brocas, lying on his stomach, worshipping a very large
+mushroom." Making due allowance for Lary's notorious veracity, and for
+Jemmy Flowers' religious inebriety, still the circumstance of a
+mushroom, and that a large one, flourishing on the Brocas, must ever
+throw a strong air of improbability over this assertion.
+
+There is a holiday on every red-lettered saint's-day in the calendar;
+when this, or no other excuse occurs, it is termed "a regular week,"
+when Tuesday is a whole holiday, Thursday half an one, and Saturday
+three-quarters.
+
+The longest period of time a boy uninterruptedly enjoys to himself may
+be said to comprise two hours, commencing each time at twelve, four,
+and six o'clock, on whole and half holidays; and these periods are
+designated by the never-to-be-forgotten sounds of "after twelve,"
+"after four," and "after six."
+
+"Whole school days" affect this arrangement but little, the difference
+being, that on holidays, they are separated from each other, by
+attendance on absence, and church; and on whole school-days, by
+school-times, of which there are four, commencing each at eight,
+eleven, three, and five o'clock.
+
+The boys learn all their lessons, and do their exercises, in their own
+rooms, going into school to say or construe them. One school-time
+occupies about three-quarters of an hour.
+
+The whole school is divided into six forms, of which the sixth ranks
+the highest. This, and the fifth form, comprise about half the number
+of boys, for whom the lower half fag. An upper boy may fag a lower one
+to Windsor, or anywhere else.
+
+Though the river be out of bounds, half of the boys dedicate
+themselves to boating during the summer. The extent and main object of
+their expedition is "Surly Hall," a notorious public-house, three
+miles up the river from Windsor Bridge. Surly Hall may be said to be
+appropriated to the Etonians, and here they rest themselves. I never
+recollect one boy guilty of intoxication at this place.
+
+There are two grand aquatic processions every year up to this Surly
+Hall--on the 4th of June, George the Third's birth-day; and on
+Election Saturday, towards the end of July. They are beautiful
+gala-days, when eight or ten long-boats are rowed by their crews in
+costume, accompanied by a couple of military bands; swarms of nobility
+and gentry come from London to enjoy them, some person of peculiar
+rank being "the sitter" in the leading boat; but boating is not
+allowed.
+
+"Montem," so called, perhaps, from the ceremony of a boy flourishing a
+flag on a small mount, occurs every third year, when the upper boys
+are dressed as officers, and the fags, resembling sailors, in white
+trowsers and blue jackets. Thus they are obliged to expose themselves
+to a multitude, while they walk to Salt Hill, where they dine. As an
+Eton boy, I have witnessed four Montems, and could never think of each
+but as a ridiculous, tedious, and detestable performance; the only
+good resulting is, that the captain of the collegers receives several
+hundreds of pounds, which are collected from the crowd by other
+collegers in fancy dresses, and denominated "salt-bearers," and
+"runners," who dun high and low for "salt."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+"How old are you, Graham?" asked my future tutor.
+
+"Nine, if you please, sir."
+
+"Can you do sense-verses?"
+
+"No, sir, only nonsense ones."
+
+"Well, you are placed in the upper Greek; be in eight-o'clock-school
+to-morrow. Graham," calling me back, "take this order to the
+book-seller, and he will give you the requisite school-books. It is
+Greek grammar in the morning; get a boy to show you where the lesson
+is. You may go."
+
+So soon as I had procured the books, I peeped into the Greek grammar,
+which struck me as being an interesting-looking book, for hitherto, I
+had never even seen a Greek letter. I went to my Dames, where I found
+Tyrrel _ma_, and Kennedy, who shared my room, playing at battledore.
+
+"You don't care for the row, Graham, do you?" asked Tyrrel, after they
+had played half an hour, and observing that I looked a little
+puzzled.
+
+"Oh, that makes no difference," I sighed, "but this Greek is such odd
+stuff, and I don't know a letter in the alphabet except the four first
+ones. Can you give us a help?"
+
+After a lengthened debate among us, the only apparent chance for me
+was, that the lesson should be written out in English letters, so that
+when I repeated it, I should appear to know my lesson. This, Tyrrel
+good-naturedly effected for me.
+
+At eight o'clock, then, the next morning, in due routine, I approached
+the master in his desk, under the same superstitious awe as poor
+Friday, when he cowered before the august Crusoe. I would not have
+failed in my performance for worlds, and now entered the desk resolved
+on acquitting myself to perfection.
+
+My ardour was not slightly damped when, on uttering a few words, the
+master, with a frown, demanded why I had not commenced where the
+previous boy had left off.
+
+"I thought, sir, that I was to begin at the beginning."
+
+"What business have you to think?"
+
+Commencing, then, as he directed me, I had no sooner recited four
+lines, than he ordered me to "go."
+
+"That's not all, if you please, sir."
+
+"It's quite enough for me; go."
+
+So I went, under the painful suspicion that I had failed, and was to
+be punished accordingly. I was not yet aware that the succeeding boy
+went on with the lesson where his predecessor had left off; and when
+he had said his three or four lines, he likewise was dismissed, and so
+on--it being taken for granted, that the boy knew the remainder of the
+task; but this extreme innocence of mine, when I informed the master
+that I had not accomplished the whole lesson, is not a little amusing,
+when compared to my future career, was it not for the remorse a man of
+crime might feel when he reverts his thoughts to a time ere he had
+transgressed. At that time I should have acted similarly under every
+circumstance; I intended well.
+
+"Now let us go to breakfast," said Kennedy, as I returned to the room.
+
+"Will you fellows get it ready, and make the tea," asked Tyrrel,
+"while I go and lay breakfast for my master?" Kennedy and myself were
+as yet exempt from that duty for a fortnight, which is the privilege
+granted to each new comer.
+
+"What a lucky fellow I am," said Tyrrel, on his return, "to have you
+two in my mess, with your new set of tea-things, and a double set,
+too! If we manage well, they'll last us easily to the holidays. Till
+you came, I was obliged to slip into other fellows' rooms, and sharp
+a cup of tea. Now, let us regularly lock up everything in my
+cupboard, for it's quite empty; how comfortable we shall be; and your
+pictures, Kennedy, make the room look so nice!"
+
+"And what beautiful frames they have!" I observed.
+
+"The frames and glasses," replied Kennedy, "were a present for those
+views about home, which a sister sketched for me."
+
+"What shall we do after twelve?" asked Tyrrel.
+
+"Can't we go out in a boat?"
+
+It was soon arranged that Kennedy and Tyrrel should play at cricket,
+and that I should stay in to work at my Greek, of which another lesson
+occurred at five-o'clock-school. At two o'clock, the trio met at
+dinner; after which we proceeded to our room, where, soon as we
+entered, Kennedy beheld each of his drawings rifled of their glasses,
+which lay shivered to pieces beneath them on the floor.
+
+Gregory _mi_ had, in an unlucky moment, lounged into the room with a
+little cross-bow, and had practised his skill on each in succession.
+
+"Never mind, Kennedy," said Tyrrel, "they must have been broken one
+time or another."
+
+I now proceeded unwarily enough to the cloisters, where I thought I
+might puzzle out my hieroglyphical task more in quiet.
+
+"I say, my little man, you must come and bowl to me."
+
+"I've got my lesson to learn," I replied.
+
+"When do you say it?" inquired the fifth-form boy; and finding that it
+was not required till five o'clock, and discrediting my singular
+difficulty, which I stated to him, he at once took me away,
+notwithstanding that, as a saving clause, I asserted the privilege due
+to a boy's first fortnight, but which, I was now told, should not
+avail me for having told such a falsehood about the lesson. In the
+following schooltime I was, of course, "put in the bill," but was not
+flogged, in consequence of pleading my "first fault," another and too
+fleeting privilege of a new boy.
+
+On returning to my room in the evening, I found my two friends looking
+unutterable things, while around them lay, "like leaves in wint'ry
+weather," the fragments of our prided crockery ware!
+
+In our absence, a boy, well knowing what he was about, had come to the
+cupboard to sharp some tea-things, but finding, to his disappointment,
+that it was locked, he was yet determined that we should not escape
+him. The whole was unfortunately suspended, by a bit of rope, to a
+large nail in the wall; this, then, he had maliciously cut, and the
+result had proved fatal to the whole "double set of tea-things," with
+the exception of a pewter salt-cellar. "Well, they must have been
+broken, one time or another," archly remarked Kennedy.
+
+A very few days had elapsed before I had become a genuine Etonian,
+which a boy is never accounted until he has been once flogged.
+Notwithstanding my respect of that honourable title, I was still very
+unwilling to purchase it so dearly. I had an inclination for forming my
+own opinion upon matters, somewhat independently of others; and though,
+in the lower part of the school, to be put in the bill, and suffer
+accordingly, carried with it anything but a reflection towards the
+subject of it, still, for reasons of my own, I concluded that it would
+be far more respectable to act otherwise. This, then, with me, was not
+merely an opinion--it became a principle, and one which, unfortunately,
+I was most anxious to preserve inviolate--unfortunately, because it
+must inevitably be outraged. Even under the most favourable
+circumstances, owing to my ignorance of its rudiments, I was sensible
+that I must frequently fail in my Greek tasks; what chance, then, had
+I, constantly thwarted in my endeavours to avoid this, by hourly and
+capricious fagging?
+
+This, then, weighed upon my mind in no slight degree, for though
+exposed, from an early period, "to rough it" more than was common, the
+sensitiveness of a boy's disposition will be anything but deadened in
+consequence, so long as he thinks for himself, and forms his own line
+of right and wrong, though perhaps it schools him precociously to
+conceal what his associates may deem to be his weaknesses, though
+probably his better traits of character, should he be blessed with
+such. This tendency was not likely to be diminished by the following
+incident:--
+
+From the moment I first left my home, which was at an early period,
+the little religious instruction I might have received from my nurse
+was abandoned, and never even reflected on for a moment, till within a
+short time of my departure for Eton, when, by some chance train of
+thought, I became sensible that I knew not a single prayer--at least
+perfectly. I was well aware that other boys did, though many neglected
+them. To supply this my deficiency, I henceforth never failed to offer
+up, each morning and evening, extemporary ones, and which, though
+puerilely adapted to little impressions or wants, yet flowed the more
+truly from the heart, and cherished an affectionate, and therefore,
+truly religious feeling, towards my Almighty Father.
+
+One morning I was awakened by the clock striking the hour in which I
+should have been in school, when, instantly dressing myself, I harried
+away, and on returning to my room, was kneeling at a chair, when I
+was interrupted by the dreaded vociferation of "lower boy!"
+
+Though knowing the consequences, should I be discovered, I never for a
+moment wavered as to the course I should adopt, but continued
+deliberately at my accustomed devotions. As I was thus occupied, the
+fifth-form boy entered my room to learn my reason for neglecting his
+summons, and was for a moment startled when he discovered in what
+manner I was employed; but, without further hesitation or compunction,
+taking me by the collar, he inflicted a blow as a punishment for my
+presumption. This was a little too much, so instantly springing at
+him, and taking him unawares, for a moment I actually beat my tyrant
+off, when Kennedy accidentally presenting himself at the door, at once
+ranged himself by my side. This made the pitiful fellow pause, and
+finding that, though so immeasurably his juniors, we were resolute, he
+prudently informed us, that so soon as we had procured the captain's
+permission to fight with him, he would comply; this formality existing
+on a feud arising between an upper and lower boy. On inquiring into
+the case, the captain refused his consent, but added a severe threat
+towards my aggressor.
+
+Insignificant as they appear, these incidents had lasting effects on
+me. With regard to the first, I at once resigned myself in despair to
+the bitterness of a disappointed, and almost a broken spirit; and, so
+far as all scholastic duties were concerned, I henceforth adopted a
+reckless, heedless course, except that I pursued it doggedly and
+systematically.
+
+As to my religious duties, I was considerably embarrassed, and that,
+because I bestowed some attention upon them; had I not, I should have
+been as easy in this respect as most other boys. However, after no
+little examination into the subject, and, by-the-bye, confusion, I
+came to the resolution of guiding myself as well as I could by what
+little knowledge I might possess; and unspiritual as this reliance on
+my own efforts evidently was, I, in unison with it, farther resolved,
+that should I omit what I knew to be right, I would refrain, at all
+events, from that which I judged to be wrong--and I do not see what I
+could have done more.
+
+To assist, or prevent me in my resolution, things were nearly
+balanced. No boy had been more completely exposed to the chance of
+circumstance, and, in consequence, to the unbiassed sway of my natural
+disposition, which was restless in the extreme. For this there is no
+alternative--for good or bad, work it will, and in such a case
+idleness is indeed the root of all evil.
+
+To save me from, or rather to diminish this danger, I was _at that
+time_ imbued, in no trifling degree, with benevolence and candour;
+and I was free, also, of two qualities which I have since acquired,
+for they are appendages as common to our natures as are our limbs to
+our bodies. I was devoid of selfishness and prejudice; and as society
+is constituted, one commences life with a bad start, destitute of such
+accomplishments.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+Of the seven days in the week, probably more flogging occurs on Friday
+than during all the others put together. On the unfortunate, the
+shuffling, and the dense, the effect of this day's ordeal has ever
+proved to be most searching. On Thursday, then, towards the conclusion
+of eleven o'clock school, the boys were not a little delighted, when
+Keate, closing the book, informed them that an hour since he had been
+honoured with a request from his Majesty that the morrow might be
+converted into a whole holiday, and that they should be indulged
+accordingly. It need hardly be stated with what yells of ecstasy this
+announcement was received, as we rushed from our seats, lightened of
+the sombre dread of "Friday's business."
+
+In the evening, I was summoned to the tea-table of Gregory, my
+puissant master, to account, if I could, for my presumptuous absence
+at a time when every fag's presence was so imperatively required. On
+my appearance, my fellow-fag was astonished at the air of confidence
+with which I advanced towards the table, guilty of such a heinous
+omission. My master, for some seconds, regarded me with a stern and
+savage aspect.
+
+"You little rascal," at length he exclaimed, his voice deepening under
+the effects of rage soon to be amply gratified, "you've been toasting
+these muffins with the snuffers!" At the same time he confidently
+pointed out to me, with savage delight, the single and blackened mark
+occasioned by such an unorthodox implement. This was not what I was
+prepared for, and the circumstance was, alas, but too evident, and the
+palms of my hands were immediately tingling under the strokes of my
+master's hair-brush.
+
+"And now," said he, pausing for a moment, "I am going to give you
+another licking for not being here in time."
+
+"No," I exclaimed, "you have excused me a fortnight's fagging; at
+least, you said yesterday that you would, should I ask the King for a
+holiday to-morrow."
+
+This was the truth, and so, in an unguarded moment, he had expressed
+himself; but being, at the least, as anxious for a holiday as he was,
+and sighing for a fortnight's emancipation from slavery, I had
+determined to take him at his word, and obey him to the letter. In a
+spirit, then, of excessive innocence, or impudence--I think the
+former, though I may have since exchanged it for the latter--I had
+started off for the cottage in Windsor Park, where the King was then
+residing, and had actually gained admittance without interruption from
+any one, though I was now accosted by a gentleman who demanded the
+purport of my visit. I replied that I had come up to ask the King to
+get us a holiday for Friday. Upon this, he informed me that it was not
+usual for strangers to see his Majesty while resident at the cottage,
+and that I had better wait until his Majesty returned to the Castle;
+and then he kindly walked back with me towards the garden, through
+which I had previously passed, and there left me. Here I met
+Jerningham walking with his mother, whom I acquainted with the object
+of my interview with the Duke of Dorset, as he proved to be. This
+happened to be a very fortunate rencontre for me, as Lady Jerningham
+eventually turned out to be my "friend at court," and had seconded my
+petition with success.
+
+As the next day was a holiday entirely originating with myself, I
+concluded that I had a right to make the most of it, and enjoy it in
+my own way. Under this impression, Kennedy and I started at seven that
+morning, towards Perch-hole, where Lary Miller was to meet us with a
+punt and casting-net, and we were to fish our way down the river,
+towards Datchet. While awaiting him at the water's edge, among other
+inventions to amuse ourselves, Kennedy thoughtlessly snatching off my
+hat, set it floating on the water; so taking him by the collar, ere I
+had time to reflect, I swung him well into Perch-hole. The moment he
+scrambled out, there seemed to be no doubt on either side as to what
+was to be done. Indeed, it would be impossible to say which of us
+struck the first blow, though the question with us now was, who was to
+give the last. Perhaps any other boys, as soon as the first burst of
+passion had exploded, would have deferred the contest to another
+opportunity, when each might be attended by his second; but Kennedy
+breathed nothing but immediate retaliation, and probably he might wish
+to exercise himself after his immersion. I also preferred the present
+time, as, on giving the subject a momentary consideration, during the
+early period of the fight, it struck me as being most repugnant and
+ungrateful to my feelings, to meet my greatest friend in cool blood,
+to see which could batter the other the most, and that, too, only to
+glut the sight of hundreds.
+
+In general, each battle at Eton is conducted with all the etiquette
+incidental to the prize-ring, under the latest regulations of the
+Birmingham Youth, or White-headed Bob. Indeed, one would here conclude
+that it was impossible to contend without a ring, seconds, and
+time-keeper. Notwithstanding the deficiency of these desiderata, we
+weaved merrily away for nearly an hour, during which period, perhaps
+from being the lightest, I was prostrated three times, which therefore
+divided the contest into but three stages or rounds, during which time
+each rested on the grass, and conscientiously recommenced our
+operations, the instant we imagined that the half-minute had expired.
+
+The clock now struck a quarter-past nine, when we were reminded, that
+should we fight on, each would be well flogged for disregard of
+absence; and as our occupation was barely worth the penalty, we at
+once put on our jackets, and departed in silence, to answer to our
+names, while, as a matter of course, we were to finish the battle
+after twelve, for my holiday afforded us ample time.
+
+This morning, therefore, for the first time, we breakfasted in
+different rooms. Each now commenced this repast with feelings far from
+cheerful. The anger of the moment having passed away, there remained
+no sense of enmity between us; and yet, in an hour or two, we were to
+meet again, like a couple of dogs, and mangle each other as we best
+might.
+
+Kennedy could not but feel that he was not only the strongest, but had
+actually been more prevalent in the contest than myself; nor did he,
+on this account, congratulate himself, when he reflected that the
+appointed hour was fast approaching when he must do his best to thrash
+me still more. The sole thought that weighed on my mind, was that of
+having quarrelled with a fellow whom I liked far beyond myself. At
+this moment the door opened, and Kennedy, placing his rolls and butter
+on the table, stretched his hand across it towards me, and the next,
+we were sipping our tea together out of the pewter salt-cellar, with
+no farther traces of enmity, save the three unequivocal black eyes we
+retained between us.
+
+This subject reminds me of a very melancholy one which I witnessed
+several years afterwards; and as I have heard it discussed so
+frequently, and so erroneously, I cannot help wishing, if possible, to
+give a concise and true statement of the case. In the instance alluded
+to, the contest might be said to have terminated with no unusual
+consequences, for the clock had struck the hour in which it was
+imperative for every one of us to be in his dames for the night, and
+the combatants were in the act of putting on their coats, and all
+would have been well, had not a voice, which I distinctly recollect,
+exclaimed, "One more round!" Whichever had now declined would have
+been considered as vanquished: they closed, struggled for the fall,
+and the fall was fatal. The sole cause of this miserable catastrophe
+was that voice of a mere bystander, and of this he must be as sensible
+as I am. I know not who he may be, nor do I envy him his secret.
+
+It was now getting towards the latter end of July, and I had been an
+Etonian nearly three months. During this time I had experienced a fair
+average of fighting, bullying, fagging, and flogging, and had also
+acquired some useful accomplishments. I could paddle my skiff up to
+Surly Hall and back, swim across the river at Upper Hope, and had even
+begun to get in debt, having some weeks ago "gone tick" with Joe Hyde
+for a couple of bottles of ginger-beer, with the proviso of returning
+them when empty, but which, it must be confessed, were still lying at
+the bottom of Deadman's Hole, for the farther improvement of my
+diving.
+
+Having just been disappointed in my endeavours to procure a boat at
+Hester's, I was returning towards my dames about the middle of
+after-six, totally at a loss for amusement. Every other boy was now
+eagerly employed on the river, or at cricket, and the whole college
+was silent and deserted. As I strolled listlessly along, I observed a
+funeral slowly issuing from the church-door on its way to the
+burial-ground. Singular to say, this was the first instance of death's
+doing on a fellow-being I had yet witnessed. On its approach, I seated
+myself on the Long-walk wall, and watched the coffin and its
+noiseless followers, as they glided slowly before me. So soon as all
+had passed, I quietly slid down from my seat, and accompanied the
+procession at a little distance.
+
+While we are young, we are not only moved more easily, but doubt not
+that every person else feels as sincerely. Under this impression, I
+accompanied the corpse towards its grave, touched with a sort of pity
+for the mourners, and sobered by a deep and respectful sympathy.
+
+As I stood by the brink of the grave, I could not but feel a soothing
+comfort and hope under our affliction, so beautifully held out to us
+by the spirit of "the service of the dead;" and I even entertained an
+affection for the clergyman who officiated. But when I witnessed the
+lowering of the coffin to its future resting-place--heard the soft
+crumbling of the churchyard soil, as it dropped from the grasp of the
+sexton on the below-sounding coffin, down below--the anguished but
+stifled moan of the childless father, who had apparently expended his
+hard-got earnings for the interment of his child--I not only repassed
+the gates considerably affected, but overpowered with an indescribable
+dread of impending death. I was now possessed with a servile love of
+God, arising from fear; an anxiety to please and obey him, to an
+infinite degree. Alas! even at this early age, how worldly-minded,
+how pitiful, can be our motives!
+
+I now determined within myself, as resolutely as presumptuously, to
+"go and sin no more;" and to that effect, that very evening, dived to
+the bottom of Deadman's Hole, and returned to Joe Hyde his horribly
+portentous bottles.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+A few weeks previous to the holidays, "the old Queen" gave a
+magnificent _fête_ at Frogmore, when, to form a prominent feature in
+the day's amusements, her favourites, the Etonians, were invited to
+play a cricket-match, for which a beautiful space of lawn had already
+been most good-naturedly prepared.
+
+I think the first approach to royalty must ever be most interesting to
+boys, at least it was deeply so to me on this day; for when I observed
+the wide-swelling lawns, the broad groves, and glassy lakes of this
+little paradise; the Queen, with the princesses and royal suite, as
+they glided over the turf in a train of pony-carriages, lined and
+shining with the richest satins; the splendid and gaudy clusters of
+marquees, glittering in all the pride of Tippoo's eastern
+magnificence, from whom they had been rifled, with their bright
+crescents blazing in the sunbeams--I found all the lovely and dearly
+remembered fancies, conjured before my infant imagination by the
+nursery tale, at once placed in delightful reality before me.
+
+Towards the evening, I had rambled, considerably fatigued with the
+restless pleasures of the day, into the most secluded parts of the
+shrubberies, and was resting on a seat, listening to the notes of a
+bugle band in the distance, when they were interrupted by the steps of
+some one passing quickly along the gravel walk towards me, and the
+next moment I saw a girl approaching the gate in front of me. I
+instantly rose and opened it for her; but as she passed, the little
+girl, after a slight hesitation, inquired with an expression of some
+anxiety if I had seen her father, Sir George Curzon.
+
+"I do not know your father by sight," I answered, "and fear you will
+hardly meet with him here; for I have been more than half an hour on
+this seat, and have seen no one at all."
+
+"I declare," she sighed, "I do not know how I shall find him, and I am
+quite tired, too! But will you, if you please, tell me the way towards
+the palace--I should be much obliged to you?"
+
+"As well as I can," I answered; "but would it not be better that I ran
+and inquired for your father, and brought him here, for then, in the
+meanwhile, as you are tired, you can rest yourself on this bench?"
+
+"You are very good-natured," replied Miss Curzon, as she sat down;
+"but if you will only wait until I have rested for a minute, perhaps
+you will go with me towards the palace, for I don't like being here
+quite alone."
+
+I now perceived that the poor little girl had been crying.
+
+"But why are you here by yourself?" she added, the next moment; "have
+you lost your way too? But sit down, there is room for both." And she
+looked up so kindly, while her beautiful little hand, contrasting with
+the rough bench, pressed it to enforce her request.
+
+How happy was I to obey her, and yet how painfully confused! In a
+word, I was out of my element, this being my very first rencontre with
+one of the softer sex; for which reason, though so many years have
+since passed away, I cannot help reciting and recollecting it as an
+occurrence of yesterday.
+
+"Are you not an Eton boy?" demanded Miss Curzon.
+
+"Yes; but I have been one only for a few months."
+
+"Papa says that Frederic shall be sent to Eton, by and bye," she
+replied, rather abstractedly.
+
+"Perhaps, then," I answered, "I shall know him--at least, I hope I
+may."
+
+"Oh, it will be a long while before he joins you, for he is quite
+little yet; and then, you know, he must be your fag, instead of your
+friend."
+
+"I shall never fag a brother of yours," I answered.
+
+"May I ask you some questions about this horrid fagging?" demanded
+Miss Curzon, and turning towards me.
+
+"Of course," said I; "as many as you please."
+
+"Have you got what they call a master?"
+
+"Certainly; every lower boy must have one."
+
+"What do you do for him?"
+
+"Lay his breakfast and tea-things every day, and make his toast."
+
+"Anything else?"
+
+"Whatever he chooses."
+
+"And if you did not choose to do it?"
+
+"I should get a good thrashing; or, in other words, Miss Curzon, get a
+good licking."
+
+After a brief silence, she resumed her questions.
+
+"As you have been so short a time at Eton, I suppose you have not yet
+been punished?"
+
+"O yes, many times. I got a capital flogging yesterday."
+
+"Will you tell me what you were flogged for?"
+
+"For eating in church."
+
+"And what could make you do that?"
+
+"I had been fagging all the morning, Miss Curzon; and having no time
+for breakfast, I went into church with my rolls in my pocket, and one
+of the masters saw me eating them."
+
+"You have quite frightened me for poor little Frederic!"
+
+"Perhaps he will be more fortunate," I replied; "so I must even wish,
+as you said just now, that he may indeed be my fag, for then he can
+breakfast with me every morning."
+
+"I declare I will ask papa to place him under your care if you will
+let me?"
+
+"You cannot know, Miss Curzon, how obliged I feel to you for thinking
+that I would take care of your brother; and depend upon it, I will."
+
+"Yes," said the little lady, looking stedfastly in my face, "I feel
+quite certain you would. But," she added, as her own brightened with a
+smile, "you must now fulfil your first promise to me, and find my
+father, for I am so tired, I must rest here a little longer."
+
+"Very well," I replied; "but how I should like to talk with you here
+all night! Do not go away until I return."
+
+I now hurried away in search of her father, who, after many inquiries,
+was pointed out to me by Chrichton, though in a very inaccessible
+position; for he was standing with other important personages, among
+whom I could discern the Duke, by the side of her Majesty's
+poney-phaeton.
+
+"Do, Chrichton," I begged--"do go up to Sir George Curzon for me; you
+are more used to that sort of thing than I."
+
+All my eloquence being thrown away upon him, and on that instant
+thinking of my little lady in the grove, I walked towards the group
+with my hat in my hand, without further hesitation.
+
+"If you please, Sir George Curzon, there is a young lady in the
+shrubberies who wants you."
+
+"I think, young sir," replied Sir George, "you must make a mistake."
+
+"No, sir. She has lost you, she says; it is Miss Curzon."
+
+"Dear me! I thought she had been all this while with her aunt. Where
+is she?"
+
+"A little beyond that temple on the hill, there," I replied, pointing
+with my hat.
+
+"You need hardly go all that way yourself," said the Duke, observing
+Sir George about to follow me; "the boy can show her here very well."
+
+"Yes, Sir George," added her Majesty; "let the little boy run and
+bring her."
+
+"Well, then, my little gentleman," asked Sir George, "may I ask you to
+do so?"
+
+"Oh, yes, Sir," I replied, and I was off on my way towards her in a
+moment.
+
+"I have found your father. Miss Curzon," said I on my return, "and he
+has asked me to lead you to him. I hope I have not been long."
+
+"I am sorry you should have had so much trouble," she answered, as she
+took my arm; "but we must now make haste, for it is getting quite
+late, and I know papa wishes to go part of the way home to-night."
+
+"Do you live far from here, then?" I rather pointedly inquired.
+
+"Oh, yes--I don't know how many miles--all the way down in Cheshire;
+we took this place in our road from town."
+
+"Well, then, Miss Curzon," I said, as we approached her father, "I
+wonder if ever we shall meet again! You cannot think how I hope we
+may; but now good bye, and----"
+
+"You need not leave me quite yet," she replied, interrupting me; "come
+a little further with me--what were you going to say?"
+
+"Though I may never see you more, nobody will ever be so glad to hear
+that you are happy as I; for I would sooner see you so than any person
+I know."
+
+"Thank you, thank you," she replied, rather earnestly, "and I hope we
+shall be able--indeed, I am certain I shall see you again somewhere--I
+will not," she added, as we approached the circle, "I will not, if you
+please, keep your arm before them. Good bye, then; I shall hear of
+you, at all events, from my brother."
+
+She then left me, while I reluctantly directed my steps towards the
+college, which now appeared unwelcome and obtrusive. She was so
+different to everything I had hitherto experienced!--so gentle and
+kind--so unassuming, and yet so lovely--and now to be torn away and
+severed from such a person! That night I attempted to console myself
+in the following effusion; and as they are the first and last lines of
+which I was ever guilty, shall be here inserted; for though the
+versification is by no means faultless, they were true to my feelings
+at the time:--
+
+
+    When 'midst the deepest gloom of night,
+      While all is still and lone,
+    A heavenly meteor flashes bright,
+      But floats away as soon;
+
+    Does not the bosom of the moor
+     Seem doubly dark and drear,
+    Frowning still sterner than before
+     Did that false light appear!
+
+    So, lady, have you crossed my way,
+      Brighter than cloudless morn--
+    So o'er this heart thy piercing ray.
+     Gleamed--and thou art gone!
+
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+My first half-year as an Etonian had now expired. Brief as it was, it
+has been to me the most portentous period of my existence. I sometimes
+feel that my fate, here and hereafter, has hinged upon it--this world
+is globular for the same reason that a woman's tear is. Are we the
+creatures of the merest chance, or of eternal predestination through
+all time, if there be such a thing as time at all? The question is
+idle; for as we have never yet solved it, I begin to think we never
+shall. The Almighty has willed this obscurity, and therefore it is for
+the best.
+
+I sensitively felt that I was launched amid the crowd of a bustling
+world, to steer and shift for myself as I best might. Like other boys,
+I had a tutor; but, though a thoroughly conscientious man, he was
+worse than useless; for he was to be practised on with such facility,
+that I, with his other pupils, imposed upon him as we chose.
+
+When I returned for the holidays to the paternal roof, it was only to
+be fagged by my elder brethren; for here the fagging system, I regret
+to say, was not only tolerated, but carried out to its most deplorable
+extreme.
+
+Ever distant then in our days of boyhood, and that, too, while under
+the same roof, now that the casualties of after-life have dispersed
+us, we are become, to all intents and purposes, entire strangers one
+towards the other.
+
+As to my father, he was, of course, wholly engaged in the cares of
+providing for so large and expensive a family; and though a man, I am
+persuaded, of strong and ardent affection for his children, I can
+barely say that I was acquainted with him.
+
+Accustomed to this sort of distant intercourse from my infancy, I was
+desirous of no other, until the following occasion, which happened a
+year or two subsequent to the present time.
+
+I had been engaged in rather an arduous expedition, and, in
+consequence, was laid up a day or two afterwards with a fever, and in
+considerable danger of my life. As soon as I could be removed, I was
+sent to my father's house. In the evening, as we ranged ourselves
+round the fire, the rest of the family, from prudential motives,
+removed themselves to a distance. My father drew my chair towards his
+own, asserting that in illness one should not desert the other.
+
+By the time that I returned home, I had moreover become a confirmed
+"shuffler."
+
+This word bears, indeed, an ominous insinuation; but at Eton it is not
+so disreputable as it sounds. The shuffler ever employs what ingenuity
+he may be gifted with, in contriving how he may do as little in
+school, and as much out of it, with the least possible flogging; and
+it is astonishing to what a nicety this calculation can be reduced,
+and to what a degree of perfection a boy's powers for it may be
+brought, by constant and careful cultivation.
+
+Yet I was, I think, far from being an idle boy. I neglected my
+studies, not to become listless and unemployed, but that I might earn
+more time for other, and, as most persons would think, less edifying
+pursuits, and was therefore invariably devoted to cricket, rowing, and
+foot-ball matches.
+
+This, then, was the good or ill effect which resulted from the chance
+of circumstance. My father had at once concluded, that send a boy to
+Eton, pay the yearly bills, and his education was infallibly insured.
+
+From the moment that I entered the college, I had been carelessly
+placed far above my acquirements; and constant flogging was
+inevitable, for a year or two at least, until, perhaps, by close
+application, I had made myself equal to my daily tasks. But this was a
+prospect by far too distant to be entertained by a boy of nine years
+old; for it is the ambition of a boy not to be flogged at all--not as
+little as possible.
+
+An objection to sending a boy early to Eton is, that should he have
+the hardihood to brave frequent punishment, he may be very nearly as
+idle as he pleases; and at this early age, too, he has not the sense
+to apply himself to study of his own will, and that, too, while
+surrounded by so many temptations to the contrary.
+
+One flogging, without the slightest stigma attaching to it, or
+reprimand, is the certain penalty of failure in his task. With
+hardihood or without it, I then had no chance, though, at all events,
+I acquired it, and that too, to such a degree, and I deemed the
+penalty so trivial, that I henceforth enjoyed a delightful sense of
+freedom and independence in its way.
+
+If I bestowed a thought on the subject at all, it was to be flogged
+not more than once in a day, if I could conveniently do otherwise.
+
+Yet, in an irrational mood, I would read--I would frequently steal off
+to some quiet spot in the neighbourhood, and employ myself in various
+histories, of which reading I was always very fond. My favourite
+retreat was up in an old pollarded willow-tree, secure from fagging,
+and therefore enjoying the distant voices in the playing-fields,
+delightfully contrasting with the quiet splash of the trout leaping in
+the river beneath me.
+
+Thus I obtained a respectably accurate knowledge of the Roman,
+Grecian, and English histories, and a somewhat precocious insight too
+of the characters of their various and prominent actors.
+
+As for the heroes of the fabulous ages, I was completely conversant
+with each of their circumstances, and for this reason. I must
+acknowledge, that, as the hour approached for punishment, I was apt to
+be troubled in mind, similarly to a patient about to undergo a
+disagreeable operation; but no sooner had I opened Lempriere's
+classical dictionary, than every unpleasing anticipation was
+dissolved, and I became totally unconscious of vulgar realities, and
+absorbed in its poetical but unequivocal immorality.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+In spite of the ingenuity I expended, in order to imbibe as small a
+quantity of Latin and Greek as was possible, and of the number of
+persons, whom I have so frequently heard declaiming against the
+exclusive attention paid to their attainment, and with whom, during my
+pupillage, I entirely coincided, I cannot help smiling at the extent
+to which I have since _ratted_ in this respect. Now that I am no
+longer forced to profit by such studies, I have arrived at the
+conviction of their necessity. If a knowledge of our own language be
+desirable, they afford the only means of understanding the true import
+of the words which constitute it; and when, at times, I have
+sufficient diffidence to suspect my own capabilities of forming a
+correct opinion in the matter, and examine into that of others, I have
+to acknowledge, not only that the advocates of the dead languages are
+the most competent judges, but that the persons who oppose them the
+most strenuously, are invariably those who are the least conversant
+with them; while the former, again, are rarely heard to regret the
+time expended in their acquirements; while what superior though
+uneducated man, but has deplored his ignorance of them, and his want
+of opportunity to acquire them?
+
+But I have, of late, arrived at such an extreme as to advocate the
+study to the exclusion of all others, with the exception of modern
+languages. My paradox is this, that which is downright indispensable
+for everyday life, do not teach us; for then, in spite of ourselves,
+we must, in these subjects, become our own instructors. If, in a few
+years after we have left the school, we possess not a respectable
+knowledge of such common, and easily acquired subjects, as arithmetic,
+history, and geography, we alone are culpable; and the more the world
+makes us sensible of our deficiency, the more we deserve it, and the
+sooner we shall set about to apply the remedy. Teach us, then, in
+boyhood, that which we will not, or in this case, perhaps, cannot
+teach ourselves--a knowledge of the classics.
+
+I sometimes suspect that many persons doubt of their importance, from
+the fact of their being distinguished as the dead languages, while,
+perhaps, they are exactly the only immortal ones--unchangeable
+throughout all ages in their primitive purity. In an unwary, or
+perhaps charitable moment, I am seized with enthusiastic admiration of
+our forefathers' good taste in so justly appreciating the beauties of
+ancient literature, though I now and then have a misgiving that it is
+a relic of the cloister, which had no productions of its own to
+compete with them, and its traditional authority has not yet become
+extinct; not that the moderns have produced such works of genius as to
+supersede them, for those of the imagination are not to be accumulated
+to greater perfection, from age to age, like those of science. Indeed
+the works of the ancients, relative to the latter, are now only useful
+as instances of the progress of the human mind; nor could they be
+otherwise, as science is more or less perfect in proportion to the
+ages that have preceded; as it is the last man's knowledge, added to
+that of all his predecessors, or, as Sir John Herschel far better
+expresses it, it "is the knowledge of many, orderly and methodically
+digested and arranged, so as to become attainable by one;" and thus a
+respectable philosopher of the present day may possess more knowledge
+than even such powerful and original minds as those of Confucius or
+Zoroaster, Aristotle or Pythagoras: he is not like the goose I now see
+wading through the mud, and that can't build its nest a jot better
+than the sacred ones of the Capitol could.
+
+With regard to works purely imaginative, perhaps the very converse of
+this will be found to be the case. The bard of Chios is not
+superseded by those of the Lakes, who, as far as all beauty imparted
+by the force of originality is concerned, even labour under a
+disadvantage, for every author is conscious that a strong memory is a
+dangerous thing, and will interfere with his originality in spite of
+himself.
+
+If then the sublimest soarings of the human imagination conveyed to
+our minds, and clothed in all the beauties of language, are desirable,
+we shall seldom regret the hours we have expended over Homer or
+Virgil, Demosthenes or Cicero.
+
+But although this comparatively exclusive attachment to the classics
+may be Eton's most prominent characteristic, I suspect it to be by no
+means the most important or beneficial one.
+
+The contrast and contact, resulting from the sheer multitude of
+varying dispositions, refined by the gentlemanly tone of character
+indigenous to the college, afford advantages superior to all the rest
+put together.
+
+There are three other prominent features in the economy of Eton, which
+I have touched on in former pages, namely, those of fagging, flogging,
+and attendance in church during the week days.
+
+As regards the two former intellectual characteristics, I must admit
+that I am unusually obtuse; for although boasting a long and intimate
+acquaintance with both, I have never arrived at any certain conclusion
+as to their good or ill effects, though I have little doubt but that
+they contain a mixture of each, only I am uncertain which may
+preponderate.
+
+The former might be profitable, both to the fagger and the fagged, did
+it not commence and finish at the wrong end; for could a boy be well
+fagged from the age of fourteen to eighteen, he would probably be all
+the better for it, but during this period he is unfortunately the
+despot. Many persons conclude that the system acts beneficially on the
+youthful members of the aristocracy; but I think the same end might be
+attained, and more respectably, by the mere jostling amid the crowd,
+without proceeding to the extremity of subjecting a boy of gentlemanly
+feeling, to the coarse caprices of a tradesman's son. I have myself
+_requested_ the present Marquis of D----e to walk into the
+playing-fields each evening, with a slop-basin in his hand, and milk
+an unusually quiet cow that used to be there; but this office fell to
+his lot, merely from his being the only boy in my dames who knew how
+to milk a cow--in fact, it was his boast that he could milk a cow
+better than any man in England. Lord C----stl----h too, must well
+remember when a great wild, raw-boned Irish fellow, with a rope round
+his waist, would throw himself from Lion's Leap into the river, by
+way of learning to swim, while his lordship was appointed to pull him
+out again; but the particular time that I now mean was, when he was
+all but drowned, and vociferating with Hibernian vehemence, "pull, you
+blackguard!" every time his head emerged for a moment from the bottom
+of the river. But whatever effects this levelling process may have in
+youthful days, I suspect that they are by no means permanent, and are
+completely obliterated on leaving the school.
+
+With regard to the punishment of flogging, many persons condemn it, as
+degrading to a boy's character. These same persons would, probably,
+deem it out of place to raise their hats on entering a man's shop, and
+perhaps every one would feel it to be so in England; but in other
+countries, were they not to do so, the shopkeeper, from experience,
+would merely attribute the omission to what he deems an instance of
+ill-breeding, habitual to John Bull; or, when he is not aware of this,
+he will frequently decline to accommodate his customer. I mention this
+instance to show, that what may meet with disapprobation in one place,
+will not do so in another; and thus what to us at a distance, and in
+after years, may appear to be repulsive, may by no means be so
+considered during boyhood. Again, others will say, that it ought to
+be felt as a disgrace. To this, I can only answer that it never will
+be; for where there are so many boys as at Eton, this mode of
+punishment must frequently be adopted; and as often as it is, so
+certain, from its repetition, will it cease to be considered in that
+light--it is altogether a necessary evil, which flesh is heir to.
+Should the boy have committed anything unbecoming a gentleman, he is
+invariably and appropriately punished by the manner adopted towards
+him by his own associates, and the feeling of the school in general.
+Let flogging, then, still be tolerated as a mere physical and
+convenient inconvenience--its effect, too, is but ephemeral, and soon
+becomes lost among the things that were.
+
+Not so will be the effects of frequent attendance in church.
+Concerning these three subjects, perhaps no two persons could be found
+who might entertain similar opinions; therefore, it behoves one to
+advance any decision as regards them with caution and diffidence; but
+if one of them admits of greater certainty of opinion than the others,
+is it not that relative to the frequent occurrence of the church
+service? However the other two subjects may be opposed, some
+advantages may be still held out in extenuation of their practice, but
+I cannot help feeling that this cloying attendance on chapel must be
+altogether pernicious.
+
+His religion is not to be flogged or forced into a boy, like so much
+Latin and Greek, or even to be instilled into him by a comparative
+stranger. Until he comes to be able to inquire or think about it for
+himself, the duty of instructing him is exclusively incumbent on his
+parents, or on those who are in more immediate contact with him than
+the tutors of a college can be. The superior and sufficient influence
+of the former, in this respect, may be evidenced by the fact of a
+little Catholic boy whom I knew, duly attending church with the rest
+of us, and afterwards leaving the school, and remaining to this day as
+stanch a Papist as ever entered the confessional.
+
+Out of the six or seven hundred boys present during divine service,
+should only fifty of them have their minds properly disposed, there
+would be something to advance in support of the practice; but that
+even this cannot be urged, I would appeal not only to every old
+Etonian, but to every boy of the present day. With the exception of
+Sunday, to which, of course, I am not now alluding, a boy, in my time,
+would almost as soon think of bringing a cricket-bat into church with
+him as a prayer-book; and if the prayers attracted our attention at
+all, it was but momentarily, and that merely to ascertain whether the
+tedious chaplain had nearly arrived at the conclusion of the service.
+
+I assume the nature of boys of the present day to be similar to that
+of boys twenty years ago; and if so, I suspect that all these services
+have added about as much to the growth and strength of their religious
+principles, as the hundred-and-one paternosters and ave-marias
+muttered by a monk of Camaldoli for the last half century.
+
+But was the evil merely negative, one would hesitate to object to
+anything that has been adopted for ages by a foundation so admirably
+conducted as that of Eton, and which has ever worked so well; but an
+additional effect of this compulsory attendance is to induce, by the
+force of early habit, an indifference and callousness of feeling
+during divine service, which but few in after life have the grace to
+overcome. But are the tutors of the College sensible of similar
+effects within themselves? Probably not; for there is little reason
+that they should, inasmuch as they have been preferred to their
+present situations, and carefully selected from a multitude, in
+consequence of their very singularity in this respect.
+
+The promoters of this system seem to be guided, not by how it affects
+the boys, but by how they wish it would. While attending these
+services with appropriate feeling themselves, I suspect that they are
+apt to forget how different was their own conduct on the same
+occasions in their youth; or if not, they must imagine that the
+rising generation has become far more immaculate than their
+predecessors; "but boys will be boys" to the end of the chapter--and
+here it is.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+Six years have now glided away, and my station as an Etonian has
+experienced a still greater revolution. In place of being a fag, I was
+now the puissant "captain of my dames," and had six lower boys of my
+own; but my greatest privilege consisted in being the possessor of
+rather more than three thousand "old copies."
+
+These are the original copies of verses on various subjects which have
+borne the correction of their authors' tutors, and which have been
+reserved and put by, after a fair copy of them has been shown up in
+school.
+
+The collection now in my possession had been, for years, entailed by
+its founder upon the captain of my dames, whoever he might be, for the
+time being. These, then, I enjoyed for four years, and a subject could
+not well be given us, but I possessed it already composed on. True, I
+was once at a loss, when we had to produce verses on the death of
+George III.; but several copies, simply on death, with a dash here and
+there of my own put in to suit the present occasion, sufficiently
+answered the purpose, at the cost of but very little literary labour.
+One boy, I remember, actually had two old copies on the death of
+George II., of such respectable antiquity was his collection of MSS.
+
+In addition to this inestimable treasure, I had become, by this time,
+flogged into the school routine of business, and could now, with ease,
+perform the requisite and daily tasks, no longer laying in any claim
+to the designation of a shuffler, at least to the eyes of the vulgar.
+My four remaining years then, at Eton, formed, indeed, a dream of
+happiness.
+
+When not otherwise particularly engaged, it was my delight, on the
+instant of coming out of school, or church, to fix my eyes on some
+distant object, and to start off for it, merely, I suppose, because it
+was out of bounds. Being constantly in the habit of this, I became
+acquainted with the localities of the neighbourhood, perhaps more
+accurately than any other boy at Eton. The two most distant points I
+ever reached, were Staines and the race-course at Ascot Heath. These
+excursions I ever undertook in solitude.
+
+It was singular, that one of the most prominent features in the
+surrounding country should have been nearly the last I attained. This
+was the spot which must have attracted, one time or another, the
+attention of every boy: it is that beautiful hill of St. Leonards.
+
+Perhaps the reason that I attained it so late, was, that in these
+rambles, I preferred crossing the country as the crow flew, and in the
+present instance, therefore, I must have crossed through the Thames,
+and it was a long while ere I could prevail upon myself to pass by
+such a circuitous route as Windsor and the Life Guards' barracks, for
+an object otherwise comparatively close to me.
+
+About this time, then, I started for and reached it. From that day, I
+have always thought, that were it in my power to choose a region
+wherein to spend my days, this should be it. It is the only spot I
+have yet chanced upon, which, when viewed from the distance, with its
+details filled up in the imagination, delightfully fulfils and
+gratifies it to the utmost. What view can be more heavenly, than when
+we look through and over the tops of the stag-headed oaks, along the
+valley spread out beneath us, with the Thames winding and glistening
+in the sun, and the noble castle of Windsor in the horizon, proudly
+rearing itself into the sky?
+
+Notwithstanding this scene, I had been rather earnestly observing a
+distant but very lady-like figure walking across the grass, by the
+side of some rails, and I felt somewhat disappointed, and
+dissatisfied, when, at length, it vanished among the trees. I was now
+resting myself at the foot of one, and deeply engrossed in the
+desultory wanderings of a beetle on the ground, between my feet. I am
+not conscious how long a time I might have been thus amusing myself,
+when I was roused by an indistinct rustle close to me, and, on looking
+up, I saw before me the lady-like figure. In the surprise of the
+moment, I was possessed with a vague consciousness of some former
+acquaintance, and in the first impulse, my hand nearly reached my hat,
+but, in doubt, I withheld it.
+
+She, too, seemed to be in the like predicament, bending slightly with
+the neck, and I even fancied that her lips moved. The next moment, she
+had passed on, and I became sensible of the presence of "my little
+Frogmore girl!"
+
+Could I have the presumption to renew, at this moment, such a brief
+and casual interview, and so long ago, too? What was I to do! Had she
+given me a slight token of recognition, or had she not?
+
+At this moment, I am astonished at my determination. In a desperate
+state of agitation, yet without a chance of wavering, I now rose, and
+walked along the avenue to overtake her, as she was turning down
+another to the right. On gaining the corner, I found her a few yards
+in advance, seated on a bench with several other persons. I at once
+kept directly down the first avenue without passing her.
+
+Here, at last, then, had I once more met with Miss Curzon! Yet how was
+she altered! She was now about sixteen, and considerably above the
+common height of women, and her figure possessed an air of far greater
+slenderness than when I first met her. Then, too, her hair, which was
+mostly concealed, was light--now she wore a profusion of it, of a dark
+and glossy brown. She was in deep mourning.
+
+Every day did I direct my steps to this hallowed spot, but in vain.
+She had been on a visit, I suppose, and had now left the
+neighbourhood. But, to my imagination, she was ever present, the last
+vision at night, and the first in the morning, but I never could dream
+about her.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+Though ever leading a life very much at variance with the established
+discipline of the college, it was seldom that I was detected; but
+about this time, though really living in far greater conformity to its
+rules than usual, it was very hard upon me that I should now meet with
+a surprising run of ill-luck.
+
+At one time I had become ambitious of exercising the rites of
+hospitality, which was the more patriotic on my part, as every article
+of the repast had to be stolen. I had been led on to this expense by a
+friend presenting me with three bottles of port, which, of course,
+would need a few biscuits to accompany them; and then I thought of a
+dessert, and at length ascended to the determination of giving a
+downright supper.
+
+The brace of partridges, then, and the moor-hen, I shot on the other
+side of Dorney Common; the milk for the bread-sauce, came as usual
+from the old black and white cow. The ale, bread, knives and forks, I
+easily procured from my dame's own supper-table, just before she and
+the rest of the boys entered the room.
+
+An hour or two after all in the house had gone to bed, my two friends
+and I had roasted our birds, and enjoyed probably such a meal as we
+shall never again so much appreciate. Had each of us preferred the
+partridges, the affair had not gone off so well; but, fortunately,
+Tyrrel very aptly began to speculate on the virtues of the moor-hen,
+informing us that it was undoubtedly the highly prized [Greek: ortux]
+of the early Greeks, but kindly relinquishing his share of it, Kennedy
+enjoyed the whole of it to himself; for, though I doubted not but that
+the subject had been classically handled, I obstinately returned to my
+old opinion relative to the difference between a partridge and a tough
+old moor-hen. These, then, had been duly respected, and we were
+sitting round the fire, with the second bottle of port looking rather
+foolish in front of us, and were wondering at the cannons which were
+then being fired on Windsor hill, when we were alarmed on hearing
+somebody coming quickly up the stairs. Having blown out the candles,
+and put the bottles into my drawer, we each jumped into our beds, but
+were by no means pleased when the man-servant entered merely to awaken
+and inform us, that Tim Cannon had won his fight of Josh Hudson, for
+which great event the guns were then firing, and that, in the joy of
+his heart, he had got up to claim an even bet of sixpence, which he
+had made with Kennedy relative to the result.
+
+Such an interruption, under such comfortable circumstances, was
+enough to ruffle any one's temper; but I was still more distressed on
+opening the drawer to take out the wine and renew our orgies to
+discover, that either the cork had not been firmly fixed, or omitted
+altogether, for there were my shirts and neckcloths almost floating
+in good old port. At this instant, to add to my dissatisfaction, in
+walked my dame! The cannons having disturbed her, she had heard the
+never-to-be-sufficiently-confounded footman run up the stairs, and
+arisen to ascertain the cause; when, guided by our voices, she now
+joined our party, an uninvited and unwelcome guest. Indeed, we were
+hopelessly committed, for getting up and lighting our candles and
+fires in the middle of the night was a capital offence.
+
+On my dame withdrawing herself, in a lamentable state of distress and
+disapprobation of our misconduct, we instantly consulted as to what
+was to be done to deter her from complaining of us to Keate. To assist
+our councils, we summoned to our aid, "Fitty Willy," properly and
+feelingly so called from his weakness for epilepsy; nevertheless, he
+had ever shown great genius for getting into scrapes, and even still
+greater for extricating himself from their baneful effects. He at once
+decided, with all the assurance of an old stager, that our only hope
+was to proceed next morning, in a body, to my dame, and state the
+dreadful result, should she complain of us, and that we must express
+the deepest contrition of our delinquency. This, then, the next day,
+we had actually effected to all intents and purposes; and Kennedy was
+winding up the business with all the fervour of Irish eloquence, when
+I unfortunately burst into yells of laughter! This rendered his
+declamation null and void, and he even gave up the point at once; when
+my dame, writing a note, immediately dispatched it to head-quarters.
+To this day do I feel remorse for my martyred fellow-sufferers; for,
+on the morrow, never were they so punished, if I judge rightly from my
+own feelings; we were compelled, moreover, to write out fifty lines of
+Homer every day, for a month to come, and for these I had no "old
+copies;" but I soon managed to get into another dilemma.
+
+In a weak moment, I had agreed with Kennedy to sham ill and "stay
+out," the equivalent for which is, as we are too unwell to go into
+school, we are so, to be out of our houses, and when detected are
+invariably flogged with extra severity. On these occasions, too, my
+dame sends a certificate to the master, stating our respective
+maladies. This time, having merely acquainted her that I felt
+indisposed, it became incumbent on her to particularise the case, I
+being totally ignorant of the complaint she was pleased to ascribe to
+me. Kennedy's complaint was, that he had got a stomach-ach.
+
+We had now before us a long day and a beautiful one besides, and we
+decided that each should jump into a skiff, and scull to Cliveden,
+many miles up the river. This we performed in a very satisfactory
+manner, except that, on our return, just when we were opposite the
+beautiful little village of Bray, resting on our oars, and responding
+to each other the alternate verses of that aquatic air, now, I fear,
+become obsolete, though so full of pathos:
+
+
+    "Oliver and his dear,
+     His dear and Oliver--
+     John Mogs and all his hogs,
+     His hogs and sweet John Mogs--
+     Agnes and her geese,
+     Her geese and sweet Agnes, &c."
+
+
+I heard a voice close to me on the bank, which, by no means, chimed
+with the chorus, and the well-known tones of which thrilled to my very
+soul. There was my tutor, and I was recognised--Kennedy threw himself
+on his face at the bottom of his boat, and floated away undetected.
+
+This catastrophe, however, prevented us not from landing afterwards at
+Surly Hall for our cigars and brandy-and-water, where it now became
+Kennedy's turn to get into a scrape. Owing to the numerous and
+vociferous applications of the claimants for refreshment, "Mother
+Hall" is always prudently ensconced in her tap-room, to which the
+means of communication was through a square hole in the door. On the
+present occasion, Kennedy, in his impatience, had gone round to a
+window in her rear. On this quarter she was entirely unguarded; and he
+had got his head through, and was in the act of securing some
+biscuits. At the moment, our landlady was absorbed in concocting a
+bowl of punch; nevertheless, catching a glimpse of the outstretched
+hand, she flew to the point of attack. Kennedy would have now
+retreated, had not his ears wedged lightly between the bars, and his
+head become immoveably fixed, and the next moment the choleric Mother
+Hall was thumping him on the head with the lemon squeezer. His
+eloquence, so effective on most occasions, now availed him nothing,
+and he was seriously tortured. I think he was a little spirit-broken
+besides, for it was ever after a tender subject with him.
+
+Not having heard from my tutor that evening, I began fondly to hope
+that, taking into consideration the extent of punishment consequent
+on such a breach of discipline, he had kindly omitted to take any
+further notice of the affair.
+
+Neither of us having recovered from our indisposition, we were, of
+course, "staying out" on the following day, which we had taken very
+good care should be Friday. Instead, then, of being instructively
+employed with the tasks of that dreadful day, I was comfortably seated
+in my room, reading "Quentin Durward," when, alas! its beautiful
+illusions were dissipated, and I awoke to the painful reality of
+vulgar life, by being summoned to Keate, now occupied in the middle of
+eleven o'clock school. Changing, then, my book, and putting my Horace
+under my arm, I enjoyed the distinction of walking "alone in my
+glory," up the middle of the school, to Keate's desk.
+
+"Well, Graham, what do you want here?" demanded Keate, in his hurried
+manner.
+
+This forgetfulness, or perhaps ignorance, on his part, completely
+disconcerted me; and not wishing to inform against myself, I held my
+tongue, hoping that some unforeseen chance might yet favour my escape.
+But the next moment, observing his choler to be rapidly on the
+increase, I was conscious that this plan would be worse than useless.
+
+"I am staying out, Sir," I at length hinted.
+
+"Staying out, are you! Then you are unwell--yes, you look very ill
+indeed; pray, what is the matter with you? Tyrrel!" he vociferated,
+the next moment, "you had better bestow your attention on the place
+before you in the book, and I will presently examine your knowledge
+upon the subject--you seem to be very interested in the present one;
+you're watching, I suppose, to see how your friend Graham can exert
+his ingenuity in getting off.--Well, Graham?"
+
+"I have taken physic, Sir?"
+
+"Taken physic, have you! Pray, what was it?"
+
+"A pill, Sir," I replied, not very confidently.
+
+"Yes; and I suppose, no doubt, that you judged a quiet row up the
+river would do you a little good--stay, afterwards--a flogging,
+perhaps, will have a still better effect."
+
+As luck would have it, I was never, on any occasion, so slightly
+punished. Keate, though I never knew him to be guilty of an absent fit
+before, entirely forgot for what he was flogging me, and gave me but
+the average number. The laugh was certainly on my side, when, just as
+I had completed my disarranged toilet, he discovered his error.
+Neither of us could forbear smiling, and he congratulated me on my
+good fortune.
+
+The detection of my next peccadillo was not followed by such baneful
+effects. They were now making at Windsor Theatre great preparations
+for a night, which was to be graced with the presence of his Majesty,
+who had also kindly condescended to order the tragedy of "Warwick" on
+the occasion. I had amused myself by going up in the day-time to
+witness the rehearsals, and otherwise examine into the economy of the
+stage in general. I also made myself, without any evil intent at the
+time, entirely conversant with the localities of the place. To draw a
+full house, Mr. Betty, once the Young Roscius, had been engaged to
+personate the Earl of Warwick, and admirably he sustained it, too.
+During the performance, I had crept from the gallery--here always
+appropriated to the Etonians--through a door which had been purposely
+made not to appear such, into a place immediately over the stage.
+Across this space stretch the enormous rollers on which the scenes are
+wound, but in the recess where I now stood was stored a confused heap
+of theatrical lumber, such as an enormous gilt lion, a dragon, a
+collection of clouds, and other curiosities. At first I conjectured
+that the effect below might be heightened by the dismissal of a few of
+the clouds, but I feared lest they might dislocate a neck or two. A
+similar result might have occurred had I cut the ropes of the front
+scene. At length, I determined merely to launch an enormous dusty
+carpet on Mr. Betty's devoted head below. Finding this to be far
+beyond my single strength, I procured three assistants, and, at a
+given signal, we simultaneously launched it forth.
+
+At that moment the Young Roscius and another star were fascinating the
+house, when our gigantic bundle, lodging for a moment between the
+rollers, gradually squeezed through them, and the next, enveloping our
+victims,
+
+
+    "Turned to groans their roundelay."
+
+
+This occasioned an uproar throughout the house, and on regaining our
+seats, "the King-maker" had crept from beneath the mass, leaving
+Edward IV. still struggling under it: the former, with his moustache,
+ermine cloak, and other appendages, in pitiable disorder, was now
+haranguing the audience in the tone of a deeply-injured man. By what
+means I never could divine, or even suspect, but Mr. Betty arrived at
+the originator of the deed, and, to avoid more disastrous
+consequences, I was obliged to call upon him the next day, and promise
+never to do it again.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+Though by no means superstitious, there was one circumstance, and only
+one, with regard to which I sometimes doubted whether it was not
+influenced by some fatality, and the present case was connected with
+it.
+
+With another boy, I was passing out of the archway leading upon
+Windsor Terrace, in order to hear the Life Guards' band, which here
+played every Sunday evening, when once more I met with Miss Curzon.
+She was coming away, and at that instant was walking between two other
+ladies. This time, then, there was no doubt: as I passed, she made a
+very slight, but slow bend of her neck; at the same time there was in
+her face a fixed and serious expression. Slight as was the
+recognition, it was undoubted.
+
+"Why, Graham," presently exclaimed the friend I was walking with,
+"that lady bowed to you!"
+
+"And why should she not?"
+
+"And why should you blush about it so?"
+
+Never mind that--this was, and ever has been, if not the happiest, the
+loveliest moment of my life.
+
+On turning back, that I might, should fortune favour me, obtain some
+farther traces of her, I just glimpsed her as she entered a carriage,
+which drove away in the direction of Datchet.
+
+Once again, then, was I at fault, still possessing not the faintest
+suspicion of her retreat, for resident in the neighbourhood I was now
+confident she must be.
+
+It was six years and more since I had heard her voice. From that
+moment I had dwelt upon it and her, with all my mind, with all my
+heart, and with all my soul. But then, this might have been an ideal
+passion, as has happened to many of us, and we have never been less
+enamoured than when in the immediate presence of its object: but in
+this instance it was very different, creating a kind of fretful
+happiness quite intolerable. Byron says, in his ever-glowing way,
+that--
+
+
+    "Sweeter far than this, than these, than all,
+    Is first and passionate love!"
+
+
+But, he should have added, what probably he meant, early love. Love at
+twenty is as nothing, unless one's a fool. Downright love exists only
+with boyish and the wildest romance, infinitely removed from every
+grain of common sense. I will give an instance of this boyish
+weakness, though a ridiculous one.
+
+There was a maid-servant in Eton, who was a modest, respectable, and
+certainly very pretty girl. Notwithstanding the stoutness of her
+ancle, she had made a deep impression on many of the bigger boys,
+though probably not one of them had exchanged a syllable with her.
+This girl now became betrothed to a Windsor tradesman. No sooner was
+this ascertained, than her admirers let him plainly know, that should
+he presume to prosecute his design, it should cost him dearly. Several
+of them now never met the poor fellow without insulting him; and I
+remember one boy, more ardent than the rest, went into his shop and
+fought him chivalrously, like a good knight and true. So high did the
+feud now run, that the shop-keepers sided with their townsman, and for
+months half the school was each evening engaged in a spirited skirmish
+with the Windsor mobility for this Fair Maid of Perth; and I believe
+that, in consequence of the excitement they evinced on the occasion,
+the match was postponed for nearly two years. The boy who
+particularised himself for his pugnacious prowess has since become a
+preacher in the open fields, and a zealous supporter of the
+miraculously unknown tongues.
+
+"But these are foolish things to all the wise," and particularly so
+to me, though my head was altogether turned, and my heart too. My days
+were more than ever dedicated to roaming over the country; and in the
+evening I used to love to scull my skiff far up the stream, and then
+float quietly down while I watched the sun setting, and the luxurious
+yet modest forget-me-not, on the banks; then leave my boat to sit
+motionless on a retired stile, and listen to "the still small voice"
+of the mysterious bat, or the drowsy soothing hum of the beetle. One
+of these evenings, by the bye, was productive of a little adventure.
+
+I had just accomplished "the shallows," and was now rowing hard
+against the stream opposite Boveney Church, when I was startled for
+the moment by the sounds of a number of female voices, some of which
+even amounted to screams. On looking over my shoulder, I now observed
+an enormous pleasure-barge, with its deck and cabin crowded with a
+numerous party of ladies and gentlemen. It was drawn up the stream by
+three or four horses. At this spot the stream ran with such rapidity,
+that a boat which was fastened to the stern, had broken away, and the
+ladies became, in a degree, panic-struck, when they saw their only
+means of communication with the shore quickly floating away from them.
+
+It was now for me to do my best to capture it, though when I had
+fastened it to my skiff, it was with great difficulty that I could
+stem the stream with it, and reach them. Having at length succeeded in
+this, the instant I arrived, in addition to innumerable thanks, many
+fair and braceleted wrists were now proffering full and fizzing
+bumpers of champagne, while others showered various fruits into my
+skiff.
+
+Without any hesitation, I emptied a respectable number of glasses of
+their contents; and having declined the rest, they were reluctantly
+withdrawn, with the exception of one. I thought I might as well take
+that; I looked at its fair and kind donor, and--there was Miss Curzon!
+As I raised the glass to my lips, I glanced across its brim, and again
+the same depression of the slender figure--the same expression and
+mixture of fixed seriousness!
+
+Now, then, I at last had a certainty of gleaning some tidings of her.
+I saw Maberly standing by her side, and, the next morning, I
+questioned him closely, but warily, upon the subject.
+
+"I was rather lucky, last night, Maberly," I observed.
+
+"Yes," he replied; "it was no common person who gave you that glass of
+wine. Do you not think she was very lovely?"
+
+"There were several lovely persons," I answered.
+
+"You know whom I mean."
+
+"O yes," I prudently answered; "she was sitting on a sofa, close to
+the steerage, and gave me--bless her!--the first glass of wine."
+
+"Thank you," said Maberly; "that was my sister."
+
+"Then she was a very nice-looking person," I replied.
+
+"Don't you recollect, now, the girl who held out the last glass to
+you?"
+
+"Perfectly; but is she the person you admire so?"
+
+"Oh! you know, you're near-sighted, or you would have thought so."
+
+"And who is she, after all?"
+
+"I am not quite certain that I know her name," said Maberly; "but I
+suppose it is the same as her uncle's, Mr. St. Quentin, with whom she
+lives there, at the Grange, by Old Windsor."
+
+I said but little more, and withdrew, by no means dissatisfied with
+the information I had gained.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+
+When I look back at this period of my life, though it must be with a
+feeling of disapprobation--and when I coldly say disapprobation, I
+insinuate remorse--let me confess that I still do so with an
+undeniable leaven of envy; envy at the lawless liberty I enjoyed, not
+only with regard to my actions, but to my conscience; revelling in a
+deficiency of forethought and blindness of consequences, as truly
+delightful for the present, as overwhelming and deplorable for the
+future.
+
+I was not aware that "coming events cast their shadows before;" and,
+alas! that past ones, leave them.
+
+But there was one thing of which I was aware, and of which persons
+rarely are, at the time,--I knew that I was happy; yet I deemed that
+this ought not to be, so long as I remained subject to any trace of
+palpable, or, as I then thought, irrational restraint.
+
+In truth, like a good many other foolish fellows of that age, I began
+to entertain no small opinion of myself. I now felt that it was
+degrading to be shut in each night, like sheep within a fold, or to
+peep through the grated windows like a felon, and that I would not
+rest until I had freed myself from such restraints.
+
+The impediments and risks opposed to my design were great, but my
+fortune, or misfortune, carried me through them all.
+
+On examining the different windows of the house with this intention, I
+at last found one which I judged to offer greater facilities than any
+other; but as it was in the room of two other boys, it became
+necessary that I should intrust them with the matter. As, of course,
+they were also to be participators in the benefits arising from the
+success of our attempt, they were happy to join me.
+
+It occupied but little time to make our preparations for the sortie.
+The bars of this window were placed so widely apart, that by taking
+off our coats and waistcoats, we could each squeeze through. We had,
+then, only to subscribe the ropes of our trunks, and saw off the legs
+of our chairs, and in a few minutes we possessed a lengthy
+rope-ladder. We now went to bed, appointing three-o'clock in the
+morning for the hour of our first sally. Notwithstanding the height
+from the ground, and our suspicions of the weakness of our ropes, so
+eager was each to be the first to descend, that we drew lots for the
+precedence. This fell to Bush, who instantly commenced his descent,
+and the next moment, the silence of night was dispersed by the awful
+crashing and jingling of apparently a hundred panes of glass! Both
+legs and half of his body had passed directly through the window
+below. We had conjectured that there had been no window, but here was
+that of the unlucky laundry. The instant he had reascended, I coiled
+up the ladder, and retreating with it to my room, threw it under my
+bureau and jumped into bed, instantly expecting the whole house to be
+in an uproar, though, as it turned out, no one was awoke by the
+clatter. The following morning, the effects were merely attributed to
+the attempts of some villains to break into the house, instead of out
+of it.
+
+I had now to set about and devise some other mode of egress. The place
+I next fixed on for this purpose was my own window. Should I succeed,
+detection would be almost impossible, every suspicion being lulled, in
+consequence of the apparent difficulties for such an attempt. In
+addition to the bars, there was a wire grating in front of the window,
+which, moreover, was at the top of the house; but, then, the two
+windows beneath it had been economically bricked up, in order to avoid
+an accumulation of the window-tax. By knotching a breakfast-knife very
+finely, I managed to pass it beneath the fat piece of iron in which
+the bar terminated, and then to saw in two one of the nails which
+fixed it. I then took out the head of the nail, and the bar turning
+round the remaining nail, as on a pivot, left a sufficient space for
+my body to pass between it and the window-frame. I had but to twist
+the bar back again, stick in the head of the nail, and everything was,
+apparently, in its former state. By wrenching, in a slight degree, the
+tenter-hooks, I could now disengage the lower part of the grating in a
+moment, sufficiently to pass beneath, and having constructed a sliding
+board in the floor, under which I deposited my rope-ladder, I felt
+entirely secure from detection, and I was not mistaken.
+
+It was indeed a joyous moment when I made my first experiment, and
+felt my foot on the dewy grass, for I deemed that
+
+
+    "Then the world it was mine oyster,
+     Which I with knife might open."
+
+
+Among these nightly rambles, there is one that will ever be, I should
+think, deeply impressed upon me.
+
+Everybody in the house had been in bed for hours. As I was far too
+restless to doze on the occasion, I had been stationary at the open
+window, counting the hours as they slowly passed, and it was now
+getting towards two o'clock, when I was to descend the ladder, already
+placed and hanging from the window.
+
+In those days I was rarely troubled by low spirits, but at the present
+moment, I must own, that they partook considerably of the gloominess
+of the hour, and the scenery around. The night was very dark, but I
+could just see the ghost-like masses of the gigantic elms, as they
+stood motionless against the gloomy sky, and could even hear the quiet
+rippling sound of the river as it glided along in the distance, the
+night was so very still. But all this now horribly contrasted with a
+scene I had witnessed but a few hours ago on the banks of that river
+now so deserted.
+
+A school-fellow and friend had there been drowned, and I had heard his
+piercing shriek as he fell from his boat. His body had not yet been
+recovered. This morning we had been playing at fives together. How
+were he and I occupied now! I dared hardly think, and then I pictured
+to myself his listless and lifeless body rolling under the stream into
+some dark depth:--
+
+
+    "And there I sat all heavily
+     As I heard the night-wind sigh--
+     Was it the wind that through some hollow stone
+     Sent that soft and tender moan!"
+
+
+Just then the deep tone of the Castle death-bell came swelling across
+the river from the other side. In an instant I knew it was the
+harbinger of death--of the Princess Charlotte? I was right--she was
+just then dead!
+
+This now struck me as a frightful moment. It was not from the fear of
+death, nor, alas! from the fear of God. What could it be? I am
+convinced that no one has literally trembled from fear, but now my
+heart felt as though it shivered. I stood motionless till the last and
+least sound had reverberated through the now silent court, and there
+was nothing to be heard but the beating of my own heart. There I stood
+fixed like a statue, afraid to stir, even to heave my chest to
+sigh--this, then, was superstition.
+
+I gradually arose from my trance to be conscious of the truth; and now
+even concluding it to be my duty to combat against the weakness,
+though in a joyless mood, I descended the ladder.
+
+"Time and tide tarry for no man," and I think even less for me. The
+day had now come that I was to take leave of Keate and of Eton, and
+return to my father's house--and for what! I had not a suspicion, or
+whether I was destined for the army, church, law, or for anything
+else. The prospect, however, appeared cloudy and comfortless, and I
+was now to reside for an indefinite period at the only place, much as
+I did love the spot, where I ever felt myself to be in the midst of
+strangers. Here, apparently, I was another being than when at
+Eton--reserved, gloomy and distrustful--cold and unfeeling--wandering
+about the place like a solitaire, as I was. I had not, nor have I ever
+had, an acquaintance in the county--I had never been into another
+house. Should any friends of the family be staying with them, I would
+take my breakfast of bread and milk before the usual hour, in order to
+avoid meeting them, and then absented myself for the rest of the day,
+until dinner-time. This last was indeed a painful ordeal, especially
+should there be any ladies present.
+
+The truth is, circumstances, and by no means my own inclinations,
+forced me to be mute, and that, too, at times, when I would have
+almost given my life to have been otherwise, and then I looked ashamed
+of myself, as I really was, for my apparent deficiency of good
+breeding.
+
+But now it was that I was bidding farewell to Eton--an eternal
+farewell! now it was that I felt
+
+
+                  "How dear the schoolboy spot,
+    We ne'er forget, though there we are forgot."
+
+
+I had been an Etonian for ten lovely years, and--what had I acquired?
+
+I had, in due routine, become captain of the Oppidans--could, on an
+emergency, translate the dead languages--had worked myself into the
+eleven of cricket and of foot-ball, and now came forth from Keate's
+chamber, destined to learn that "the recollections of past happiness
+are the wrinkles of the soul."
+
+
+
+
+BOOK THE SECOND.
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+The youngest of a numerous family,--now that every profession is
+overstocked,--has no right to entertain considerable expectations.
+Therefore, when my father endured the expenses of my education till my
+twenty-third year, he did far more than was incumbent on himself, and
+far more than I, in any way, deserved. It was, indeed, an expensive
+education, and the object to be gained by it, the Church.
+Unfortunately, my inclination for this had never been ascertained, and
+still more unfortunately, from my youth, I had ever opinions and
+difficulties on religious points, thoroughly inconsistent with the
+established one. These I had ever kept within myself, and it has been
+my ruin. Had I earlier exposed them to my father, perhaps I might have
+prosperously pursued some other profession, and been, at this moment,
+something like an useful member of society.
+
+Finally, in opposition to my own judgment and conviction, I bowed to
+that of others, and was ordained Deacon, in St. George's Chapel,
+Hanover Square. I now retreated to a parish in a remote county, which
+henceforth might be considered in the light of an honourable exile.
+
+One Sunday, then, in the depth of a rainy winter, I set off on my
+horse, with my canonicals strapped before me in a valise, to commence
+my clerical duties. On entering my parish, for want of a more
+respectable asylum, I put up at a public-house, where I changed my
+dress, and came forth, for the first time, in the character of a
+Divine, walking towards my church, where I met with an unusually large
+congregation assembled to hear "the new parson."
+
+Notwithstanding my lamentable deficiency of self-possession, I got
+through the service without any distressing error--I ought not to have
+read the Absolution, that being restricted to priests, nor should I
+have upset the cushion on which I was kneeling, for, not having
+sufficient confidence to replace it, I was forced to hang on by my
+elbows to the reading-desk for the remainder of the Litany. As for my
+sermon, I knew it by heart, and it went off very well. I think, at all
+times, if my sermon was a good one, I used to get along well enough,
+for, as I proceeded, I became interested in it. On the other hand,
+when it was considerably below the average, I became even more so,
+labouring to gain the conclusion, like a wounded partridge to reach
+the adjoining enclosure.
+
+Having accomplished the service, I fondly concluded that my little
+devoir was finished for the day, and that I might now retire to
+collect my agitated nerves in quiet, but at the porch I was requested
+to visit an old woman who was lying in the poor-house, in the last
+stage of a dropsy. The only entrance to her chamber, or rather, her
+loft, was by an upright ladder fixed against the wall, the two upper
+steps of which were broken away. After a little manoeuvring in
+consequence of this difficulty, I entered the place in the attitude of
+Nebuchadnezzar in the act of grazing, "meekly kneeling on my knees."
+
+Like all other invalids in humble life, she was anxious that I should
+become impressed with the full extent of her suffering, and to this
+intent was irresistibly importunate in her entreaties that I would
+grasp her arm, and, to my horror, the next moment I saw the impression
+of my fingers deeply, and, to all appearance, permanently stamped upon
+her flesh! With this ordeal she appeared satisfied, and having read
+the prayers for the sick, I really suspect a little impressively,
+owing to my feelings as a novice, and left upon her pillow a few
+shillings, I do think and hope that her spirits were a little brighter
+than before--and there was need, for there were faint hopes of her
+descending that ladder more, save for her "long home."
+
+I once more directed my steps to the public-house for my horse, whose
+head I now turned towards a farm-house where I had written to procure
+apartments. I had proceeded but a short distance, when he sunk up to
+the girths in a small bog, but contrived to scramble out so soon as I
+had dismounted. I knew beforehand, that my future residence was
+inaccessible for any description of carriage, but as I was little
+likely to be encumbered in this way, it was a matter of no
+consideration, but it certainly annoyed me to find that every now and
+then I was liable to get my sermon moistened in a quagmire.
+
+In the midst, then, of these bogs was my solitary abode, which enjoyed
+the somewhat singular appellation of Pinslow. This, I fancy, from its
+situation among the surrounding morasses, to have been a corruption of
+"Peninsula," as it had but one line of access.
+
+I was destined to be the first of my profession that ever resided in
+the parish. The salary being very minute, with no parsonage-house,
+hitherto each clergyman, save the one of the neighbouring parish, had
+conscientiously declined the appointment.
+
+On reaching my house, I found it to be rurally situated in the centre
+of its straw-yard, but altogether well suited to my wants. There was a
+very good one-stalled stable, or loose box, and as, on rainy days, I
+would throw off my reading-coat, and rub down my horse for an hour,
+this was an object of some importance. I was equally fortunate with
+regard to my sitting-room, for, without rising, I could reach anything
+I wished for, from one end of it to the other. A second room was
+sufficiently spacious to hold the bed.
+
+Towards the close of the evening, laying aside etiquette, as Crusoe
+would in his solitary isle, I went out in order to visit a curate who
+had lately taken the parish bordering on my own, and who, like myself,
+had just entered on his noviciate. Here I found Seymour, a fellow
+Etonian and contemporary.
+
+Though we had never before been intimate, how happy was I to meet with
+him. For years had I been in the habit of seeing him every day, when
+all was happiness, and now to be with him again, though my prospects
+were as gloomy as the barren moors around us! I felt how different was
+my regard for him to that for friends of later date. The truth is, we
+knew each other!
+
+This, together with youthful and happy associations, is the secret of
+all those lasting friendships commenced in boyhood. We feel, however
+we may try to conceal it, that our acquaintances in later life may be
+playing a part, or at all events, may be guided more or less by
+interested motives; while, on the other hand, should sad experience
+not have taught us the same policy, it will inevitably happen, that
+sooner or later we shall have to deplore our imprudence. It is not so
+much that we are betrayed as misconstrued; our opinions are
+misinterpreted from ignorance of our real dispositions. This, then, is
+why it has become so imperative on us to shroud ourselves in reserve;
+and, alas! the more so as our dispositions may be sanguine and ardent.
+Hence, too, the Lord Chesterfield's scouted maxim, "Do not be, but
+seem," though his lordship is not to be reprobated so much as the
+world, that compelled him thus to advise his own son. But I fear I
+shall be found fault with by both parties, as I have learnt to be, but
+not to seem.
+
+No wonder, then, that we hasten to renew our early friendships, and
+throw aside all this deplorable restraint.
+
+"Your father is a horrid radical," I once heard a boy say to the Lord
+Chancellor's son.
+
+"And your mother is his Majesty's mistress," was the retort, in even
+plainer language.
+
+This is adopting the other extreme, but will here serve as a sample of
+that youthful openness, however ridiculous and disagreeable, which
+teaches us at once how to choose our friends and confidants, with
+little fear of being mistaken; and when we have arrived at manhood,
+whatever number of years may have separated us, we are still conscious
+of each other's nature, because we have learnt, in the meantime, that
+it never changes, in whatever degree it may have done so in
+appearance. Let any one, for a moment, bestow his attention upon some
+prominent person of the present day, whose character may contrast with
+what it was in boyhood, and has he confidence in him? in other words,
+is he imposed upon with the rest? He may cling to him for auld lang
+syne, but he will be far from being deceived, while the other is as
+conscious that he is not so.
+
+For this reason, I have always thought well of those who have carried
+on their early intimacy to after-life. One of them must be creditable
+to our race, for I have noticed friendship between two indifferent
+characters ever to be brief.
+
+Seymour, poor fellow, was just now under rather adverse circumstances,
+for he had arrived here but five days, and had been confined to his
+bed during the four last of them, having caught cold from wet feet,
+which I regretted the more, as he had but little chance, in such a
+country, of ever again enjoying the comfort of dry ones. When I
+arrived at his hovel he had just come down to his sitting-room, and I
+think I seldom recollect a more comfortless, or ludicrous scene
+either. Till this moment, I suppose, he who had roughed it as little
+as any one, was now looking pale, wretched, and emaciated, with his
+slender, gentlemanly figure crouched close upon the comfortless
+fire-place. Should he have the energy to stir for anything, his nicely
+arranged hair was instantly dimmed with the cobwebs and dust which it
+gathered as it swept across the low ceiling. On the dark and damp
+floor was scattered a number of splendidly bound books, with a
+Wilkinson's saddle. Along the wall was tidily arranged an extensive
+collection of Hoby's boots, and a hat-box, imprinted with "Lock, Saint
+James' Street," but which article was now converted into a temporary
+corn-bin, and was nearly full of black oats.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+It is but yesterday, when I felt that to be "a pot-hunter"[1] was the
+lowest step of degradation; and I was quite right, for then I lived at
+home; my father had an admirable kennel of pointers and spaniels, a
+couple of well-stocked manors, and a zealous keeper. But, since then,
+"a change came o'er the spirit of my dream," and my finances not so
+flourishing that I could keep up a shooting establishment on the
+footing which I have hitherto enjoyed. At present I am provided with
+sustenance at the cost of one shilling a meal; but should I procure a
+dinner elsewhere, which seldom happened, or my fishing-rod prove
+effective, which it never did, a proportionate deduction ensues in the
+cost of my repast.
+
+Once or twice, as September approached, it crossed my mind that this
+kind of economy was not entirely to be overlooked. But, no, no! True,
+I had got under a cloud, and "my house-hold gods lie shivered around
+me;" but, to become a pot-hunter! I had not fallen, nor would I fall,
+so low as that. September has arrived, and I have!
+
+To entertain a proper feeling on the subject, I am fully sensible that
+a gentleman should only destroy game, which, when killed, is
+thoroughly useless to him; and being thus principled, I am at a loss
+to account for the unwonted delight I experienced whenever my gun did
+its work on the victim, which in a few hours was to smoke on my
+solitary board.
+
+Some one affirms it to be as probable for an empty sack to stand
+upright, as for a needy man to be honest. The simile is ingenious and
+plausible, but as uncharitable. The weakness I have just acknowledged
+is undoubtedly attributable to my circumstances, though I trust I am
+still beyond the reach of the graver imputation. But I should be
+ambitious of proving more than this--the utter extravagance of such a
+theory; for it is a cruel one, and has caused both mischief and
+misery. How many otherwise inoffensive persons have I known implicitly
+to adopt an opinion to the prejudice of their less fortunate
+acquaintance, merely from their deficiency of the world's wealth! But,
+not content with this, these persons, who are the very people to
+esteem poverty as the worst of ills, not satiated with his
+destitution, must do their utmost to sink him still lower by their
+treatment of him; little suspecting, too, I should hope, that the
+most probable means of enticing a man to become a villain, is to
+convince him that the world deems him to be such. I have known more
+than one victim to this treatment, for all are not gifted with
+independency of mind sufficient to defy it.
+
+Owing to an insurmountable detestation of my profession, I spent but a
+few days of the week in my parish. It was not that I was careless, and
+indifferent for the welfare of my parishioners; for, in spite of
+myself, I could not but like them.
+
+Beyond doubt, it is imperative on a clergyman ever to be in the heart
+of his parish, employed in bestowing, spiritually and corporally, such
+assistance as it may fall to his share to be able to bestow. As to
+relieving their distresses arising from poverty, my finances were much
+too limited to be of any avail. With regard to those who were
+suffering on a sick bed, with but slender hopes of recovery, my powers
+of consolation were even more meagre.
+
+I have said that my opinions widely differed from those supposed to be
+entertained by a Protestant clergyman, and particularly so on the
+efficacy of a death-bed repentance. Could it then be expected that I
+was thus to smear myself over with hypocrisy, and to a poor
+broken-spirited fellow-creature, looking imploringly for religious
+aid and comfort, utter to his confiding ears such doctrines as, at
+that time, I unhappily and foolishly thought to be no more "than
+sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal?"
+
+This, then, was not to be thought of or endured; and, therefore,
+sooner than remain inactive among my people, I was ever, as much as
+possible, studiously at a distance. Still it could not but annoy me,
+should my presence have been required on any emergency, while absent;
+and this, thanks to my fortune, never occurred, though I had many
+narrow escapes of it.
+
+At one time, having postponed the preparation of my sermon during the
+earlier part of the week, I arrived, in consequence, at my lodgings on
+Saturday evening, in order to get it ready for the morrow. I had
+scarcely begun, when Maria, dispensing with her lowly knock for
+admission at the door, rushed in, and announced an event which had
+just occurred within a mile of the house.
+
+A girl of eighteen, and her sister of eight years old, had been
+spending her birth-day at their grandfather's, and, after dark, had
+set out on their return to their father's house, mounted on an old
+horse, with the younger girl behind. In the bottom of a valley which
+divided the two houses, ran a little stream, but which now, from
+heavy rain, had increased to a rapid and deep, though still a narrow
+rivulet. In passing through the ford, the younger girl, while raising
+her feet to avoid the water, fell from the saddle, pulling her elder
+sister with her. The youngest, much frightened, rushed through the
+water and gained the bank. The foot of the elder one became entangled
+in the stirrup, which unfortunately caused her head and shoulders to
+remain beneath the water. The horse was so quiet as to stand still in
+the stream, grazing on the bank, and was thus stationary long enough
+for the girl to become insensible, when he walked out, and her foot,
+on his moving, becoming once more free, her helpless little sister, by
+the light of the moon which was then shining, could just see the
+stream roll away the body of her sister towards a deep hole a little
+lower down, when she lost sight of her. This, then, was the cause of
+the present interruption.
+
+On arriving at the spot, it was distressing to observe the
+insignificancy of the place, with regard to such a melancholy event.
+The water where she had fallen, was not more than two feet in depth,
+and while searching for her body during the night, at any place I was
+able to jump across the stream. Yet, singular to state, we never found
+the body till the commencement of the fourth night from the accident.
+
+The corpse of this poor girl was the first I had ever seen. Her
+eldest brother had discovered and placed it on the grass, and as he
+and her father gazed upon it, while the moon shone down upon the group
+standing motionless and silent in the gloomy ravine, never was I so
+conscious of the intensity of the misery which _can_ befal us--that
+indeed "the trail of the serpent was over us all."
+
+The funeral of this girl was the first at which I had to officiate. It
+is singular that a funeral consequent on an unusual death should be
+attended by greater numbers than an ordinary one. On this occasion, I
+may safely say, that my little retired burial-ground, and its
+immediate vicinity, were occupied by thousands.
+
+Though always in the habit of taking great exercise, I never
+experienced severer work than on the day which brought rest to others,
+not but that I might have avoided it. For five weeks successively I
+have served three churches each Sunday. On these days I had to walk
+forty miles, and ride another forty miles, and once or twice
+experienced heavy falls with my horse. This, then, I suppose, was
+steeple-hunting, properly so called--all this too was for love, at all
+events, not for money.
+
+The latter, indeed, was very scarce in this part of England. My
+predecessor had served the parish fourteen years, for twelve pounds
+per annum. The present rector was in the annual receipt of
+forty-three pounds, out of which he had to pay me, but with the aid of
+a little simony, this was easily avoided, and as I took no fees, I can
+hardly call it a lucrative appointment, and certainly not a sinecure.
+
+I am fully aware of the fallacy of judging on any subject, without
+examining both sides of the question, but the following case really
+seems to have only one:--
+
+By great ingenuity, I should think, the sum of eight hundred and
+forty-five pounds is distilled from out the peaty soil of my humble
+parish, under the denomination of great and small tithe.
+
+From the sound, one might be led to suppose that this sum was, in some
+slight way, connected with ecclesiastical purposes; and, by-the-bye,
+so it is exactly, for forty-three pounds go to the rector, and the
+remainder is distributed among three wealthy and noble families.
+
+At first, too, one might expect that this sum would, at all events,
+afford to pay for a permanent and resident clergyman, with a roof over
+his head, "be it ever so humble;" but no, the parish is but the
+receptacle for the luckless, roaming deacon, and its poor parishioners
+are ever doomed to be as sheep without a shepherd, and to be fleeced
+accordingly.
+
+Among these sabbatical circuits of mine, there was one which, though I
+shall be, more than usual, guilty of egotism, I do not wish to
+forget, it was so in keeping with the nature of the country--primitive
+and stern. It was the only time I was sensible of fatigue, though in
+the present instance I had not more than two churches to serve, nor
+was I under the necessity of walking more than half of the usual
+distance; but I was so ill with the influenza that I was doubtful of
+succeeding. Attempt it I would, for hitherto, though invariably
+hurried, I had never kept a congregation waiting for one moment.
+Having got upon my horse, I rode him forty miles across the moors, to
+my own church first: so far from fatiguing me, I found that the
+freshness of the air had considerably added to my strength: still, the
+exertion of reading would have proved too much, had not the singers,
+perceiving my weakness, good-naturedly chaunted the prayers which
+occur between the lessons, just giving me breathing time, and
+sufficient strength to finish the service. The instant this was over,
+I walked away for the other church, determined, at all events, to
+persevere, for in a whimsical mood I had ever resolved to perform the
+Sunday's duty punctually, in spite of time, tide, or anything else. As
+I crossed each field, I was obliged to get on the top of every gate in
+order to rest myself, notwithstanding the exertion of it. On coming to
+the fatal little stream in the valley which divided the parishes, I
+became sensible that I had no strength to clear it, and that, should I
+attempt it, a total submersion must inevitably be the result. I had no
+time to hesitate, so at once walked through the ford, though at the
+time I was in a profuse and faint-like perspiration.
+
+On reaching the church, I found myself to be in good time, but had not
+proceeded far in the service, when I discovered the clerk to be in
+such a state of drunkenness, as would have appeared to the least
+fastidious, blasphemous and repulsive. In this dilemma, I knew it
+would be useless to tell a noisy boisterous fellow to hold his tongue,
+so at once, quietly but quickly, reaching his book, I placed it in my
+reading-desk, and the fellow, without a murmur, resigned himself to
+his fate and went fast asleep. In spite of the check which my wet
+clothes might have occasioned, I was rapidly gaining strength, and, to
+my surprise, got easily through the duty.
+
+At the conclusion of the service, a labourer's wife came up to me with
+the usual fee between her finger and thumb, the price of being
+grateful to her God for safe deliverance in child-birth. She
+apparently deemed me out of my senses, and I had to tell her twice to
+keep back the shilling gained by the sweat of her husband's brow.
+
+I had next to visit a dying man, and I had a dread of it. The poor
+fellow had been for many years an open and avowed infidel, and
+entertained an invincible hatred towards clergymen. He had, at last,
+consented to send for me, in compliance with the entreaties of his
+wife. Being an industrious man, he had realized sufficient to enable
+him to rent a very comfortable cottage, a cyder orchard, to keep a
+couple of cows, besides having by him a sum of ready money. A few
+years back, in assisting at the harvest, he had strained himself
+internally, and induced an atrophy. On asking the wife whether they
+were badly off, her sole reply was to take a cup from the
+chimney-piece, and show me, in heart-breaking silence, a sixpence and
+three half-pennies! Cows, money, and orchard--all had disappeared
+during a lingering illness,--and the poor old woman's inevitable fate
+was now to await the fast approaching death of a good husband, and
+then retire, for her few remaining and widowed years, to the workhouse
+of a distant parish!
+
+On speaking to him, I could not but admire his really gentlemanly
+self-possession, accompanied by a tone of respect and kindness. After
+I had finished the prayers for the visitation of the sick, I read a
+few others which I had copied out from some authors, selected by
+Paley, and beautiful compositions they are; the poor fellow sunk into
+an agony of grief, and I wish I had not read them. Was I wrong or not?
+I fear that I was, and am sorry for it; but we shall both know by and
+bye.
+
+On returning in the evening through my own church-yard, never was I so
+struck with its air of wretchedness. It was placed in the bottom of a
+swampy moor, confined on one side by the little decrepit old church,
+with its boarded steeple looking like a dog-hutch, and just small
+enough to hold three parts of a cracked bell, if I might judge from
+the tinkling of it. On another side, it was protected from the bitter
+blast by the poor-house, thus judiciously placed for the benefit of
+the invalided paupers. It was a dreary evening in February, and
+everything was looking chilly and black, except, by the bye, an early
+primrose peering out from the side of a crumbling tomb in the very
+darkest corner of the whole--that looked fresh and bright enough.
+
+I suspect the sort of humour I was now in, to have been occasioned
+either by my illness, the death-bed I had just witnessed, or the
+separation for a whole week to come from a person for whom I had
+lately found that I felt "a deep and tender friendship."
+
+About thirty miles from my parish, lived my nearest neighbours, and
+with whom I had become rather intimate. So much was this the case,
+that this place gradually assumed the character of what I recollect
+"home" once used to have for me, many years ago. To this house I used
+frequently to canter over on a Sunday's evening with all the delight
+of a school-boy returning from a detested school.
+
+Until now I had thought that my benevolent host had here been my
+greatest friend; but there was another for whom, to my infinite
+surprise, I found that I felt far more intensely. Yet it was odd that,
+in her presence, I was apparently cold and inattentive, and thus,
+perhaps, it might have ever been, had she not unguardedly attracted my
+attention by what she meant for a severe rebuke. I happened to be
+walking with her and a gentleman whose wife had lately experienced, on
+some occasion, a narrow escape of her life; "and so Miss Bassett I had
+nearly become a gentleman free of incumbrance, and then I should have
+come and proposed to you."
+
+"But then I should have tried to thwart you, for the mere sake of
+opposition," was my rather too free and easy reply.
+
+"Oh, Mr. Graham," she answered, "you might have set your mind quite at
+rest on the subject, for I should have preferred Mr. Goodriche a
+thousand times before you."
+
+"For what possible reason, Miss Bassett?" I asked, in sober earnest.
+
+"Because I could have led a quiet, happy life with him--now perhaps I
+might have liked you, and then you would have immediately behaved like
+a wretch, and broken my heart."
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[1] One who kills game exclusively to lessen his butcher's bill.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+It was on my way to London, in company with her father, that, as the
+sun rose, I caught a glimpse in the horizon of the hill, on the other
+side of which the abode of my family was situated--I may not call it
+home, for it is too true, that "without hearts there is no home."
+Still, how I must have loved the spot! its woods, its lawns, and its
+valleys! No sooner had the steamer touched at a port, than I left my
+luggage to go on with it as it might, and jumped out, in order to take
+one more peep at a place which set at defiance every recollection that
+I could force to rise up in judgment against it.
+
+Having walked twenty miles, I stopped at a public-house within a mile
+and a half of the place, for some refreshment, as well as to await the
+darkness of night. At ten o'clock I sallied forth, and the first of
+the paternal estate on which I trespassed was a large wood, every tree
+of which, I might say, was an old acquaintance.
+
+Here, then, what a contrast was I conscious of! Some years back, I
+used to range this very wood, the sworn friend of the keeper, in
+order to detect the poacher; and now I was listening to every rustle,
+and peering along the gloomy paths, lest I myself should be detected
+by my former ally. So much did my fears on this point increase on me,
+that I took to the open fields, and gained the park.
+
+Here at once, in spite of everything, I felt myself to be on my own
+property,--roaming about in ecstacy--visiting every tree that I had
+planted and fenced round years ago. Each of these I pruned, and even
+had the temerity to steal into the green-house, which was close to the
+library, and procure the gardener's saw, with which I climbed up into
+an old Scotch fir, and dismembered a large limb which over-hung and
+injured a lime-tree I had planted in the dell below. Having sawed the
+limb into portable pieces, I concealed the whole in an adjoining
+plantation.
+
+Notwithstanding the lights in the windows evinced that the inmates had
+not yet retired to rest, I sauntered over every part of the lawn, and
+at last walked directly up to the drawing-room window. The blind was
+down, but the shutters unclosed. By stooping close to the ground, and
+peeping beneath the blind, I could survey the whole room.
+
+Here were two daughters and their father. The eldest was fast asleep
+in an arm-chair; the younger one working, and their father, as usual
+reading a volume of Sir Walter Scott, the well known binding of which
+I at once recognised. I could not get a sight of his face, for the
+book he held before him; but I saw his forehead and thin silvery hair.
+
+What was now my surprise, to hear a carriage, at this time of the
+night, driving towards the house! I instantly placed myself behind a
+tree, close to the road-side. Curious to state, at that very spot the
+carriage suddenly stopped, and I might have touched it with my hand.
+The horses had gibbed, owing to the steepness of the ascent; and on
+her inquiring into the cause, I immediately recognised the voice of
+another daughter, who, with her husband, was coming on a visit to her
+father from a distant county.
+
+I now returned to my public-house, and was off at dawn in a coach for
+town. Byron felt from experience, when he sighed, "and oh, the utter
+solitude of passing your own door without a welcome, finding your
+hearth turned into a tombstone, and around it the ashes of your early
+hopes, lying cold and deserted."
+
+In all and each of my various excursions, in foul weather or in fair,
+I had ever one invariable companion. This was my horse, and his name
+was Clodhopper. He was a light bay, with a pale face. Our intimacy
+commenced under the following circumstances:
+
+One Saturday afternoon I was staying on a visit with a family, many
+miles from my church, and being therefore in great need of a horse, I
+at once went to look through the stables of an extensive horse-dealer
+in a neighbouring town. Having ascertained the price of several
+likely-looking horses, I ordered a large powerful one, for better
+examination, to be led into the yard. It was not unnecessary
+in this case; for the animal had one totally-extinguished and
+dreadfully-disfigured eye, a broken knee, both fore-legs fired, and a
+conspicuous spavin.
+
+"He's a little blemished, Mr. Turner," I observed.
+
+"Why, how, Sir, can you, or any other gentleman, expect to see a
+great, fine, upstanding horse like that ere, but what has a some'ut?"
+
+But as I did, I requested to see another. For this one he asked but
+eighteen pounds. With my own eyes I could see that he stood above
+fifteen hands, was only just coming six, and was a strong, hardy
+animal, with a written warranty for soundness. All this being quite
+clear, I could not possibly account for the lowness of the price,
+otherwise than by feeling quite confident that there must be "a
+some'ut."
+
+While thus deliberating, "Mr. Graham," said the dealer, "will you mind
+what I says? You'll never be married--you never can make up your mind
+to nothun, I see."
+
+On my getting into the saddle, to try him along a few streets, Mr.
+Turner added this very disinterested advice--
+
+"Now, don't you go and hammer a good horse like that ere over the hard
+stones. A parcel of little ragged, dirty-nosed boys, run athwart, and
+upsots a respectable individual."
+
+I did hammer him, wasn't "upsot," and bought Clodhopper.
+
+There were two accomplishments in which I think he was
+unrivalled--falling down without breaking his knees, and in running
+backwards. In performing the first feat, which, on an average,
+occurred twice in three weeks, he fell, without a moment's hesitation,
+directly on his head, and instantly took a somersault on his back; so
+that literally he never had time to break his knees, though he broke
+the saddle now and then. The second, he could perform at a frightful
+pace; and the more one whipped and spurred, the faster he would go,
+and never stop till he came in contact with something. One of these I
+suspect to have been the "some'ut"--unless, by-the-bye, it had been
+the whooping-cough, or something very like it.
+
+But Clodhopper's chief recommendation was, that whether in winter or
+in summer, with oats or without them, he was ever the same--stoical
+and indefatigable, so long as he was on the top of his legs. When
+eventually I had no further use for his services, I sold him for a
+leader to a coach proprietor, for seventeen pounds and a dozen of bad
+champagne; but I fear that the unfortunate wheeler in his rear must,
+by this time, have tumbled over him a lamentable number of times.
+
+There was another rather prominent character in my establishment. This
+was "Old Bob."
+
+The master whom he served was a neighbouring farmer, but I frequently
+obtained his services. His appearance was that of a veteran bull-dog,
+seamed with the traces of youthful strife, but in reality he was a
+pointer. Unfortunately, too, in his younger days, the stable-door had
+jambed his tail off within two inches of its origin, but still Bob
+flattered himself that it was a tail, for he affected to brush the
+flies away with it.
+
+I think he had a high opinion of my shooting, for, whenever I was so
+inclined, he despised the society of any one else. As he was a selfish
+fellow, I suspect that I was indebted for his services to interested
+motives. He was a pot-hunter, like myself, and would instantly swallow
+anything I shot, could he but reach it first. He could certainly trot
+very fast, but that was the best pace he could accomplish, and had we
+anything like a fair start, I could distance him; and so convinced
+did he become of this, that the moment he found me abreast of him, he
+would give up the race in despair.
+
+Considering this and other infirmities, for he was stone deaf and very
+near-sighted, he was highly creditable to his profession.
+
+Though he frequently found game under his very nose, he was perfectly
+aware, though his mouth watered to taste it, that he had not a chance
+until I came up and shot it. He was, in consequence, the staunchest
+dog in the country. Only once, in this respect, did I know him guilty
+of a breach of decorum, and that too, I must say, under very
+aggravating circumstances.
+
+One sultry day, at the expense of a great deal of time, and still more
+trouble, he had carefully footed an old cock pheasant round three
+sides of a very extensive field, and at last brought him to a
+stand-still in a bunch of nettles, and was now patiently waiting for
+me to come up and help him. In the meantime, an unfortunate terrier
+had chanced upon the trail of the pheasant, and now came yapping along
+the ditch as hard as he could scamper. Of course, Bob being as deaf as
+a post, was quite unaware of this circumstance, and as the terrier
+brushed rudely by him, poor Bob looked so mortified! He wasn't going
+to find game for him, so "the devil take the hindmost," became the
+order of the day, and had I not shot the pheasant, which they put up
+between them, Bob was so angry that he would have wrung the very soul
+out of little Whisky.
+
+After the fatigues of a long day, Bob was dozing in the farm-yard,
+when the team arrived in the evening from market. Nobody saw Bob, and
+Bob couldn't hear the wagon, which the next moment passed over his
+neck, and broke it.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+The sole thing connected with my days on this spot, attended by a
+satisfactory feeling, is the remembrance of my long and quiet
+evenings, when I did happen to spend the week in the parish. It was
+the only period of my life that I read to any effect, and I must own,
+that even then it was no fault of mine, for it was impossible to do
+otherwise.
+
+I used to rise at one o'clock in the afternoon, and go to bed at five
+the next morning. As to late hours, as it is termed, I have no sort of
+compunction, so long as I do not spend more than the necessary quantum
+of the twenty-four in bed.
+
+I was agreeably surprised with the number of works I crept through;
+among which, my favourites were Byron's works throughout, with his
+life by Moore; Butler's Analogy, White's Farriery, and Dwight's
+Theology, which last is as full of poetry as Childe Harold.
+
+The last half hour of each night or morning, I invariably enjoyed with
+my feet on the fender, in dreamy contemplation of the past, wreathed
+in the fumes of a cigar, and soothed by the lowly and desultory
+murmurs of the geese in the straw-yard beneath my window.
+
+At the distance of about two miles from me, was Winthra, a seat of his
+Grace the Duke of Northumberland. Though the smallest of his several
+domains, it was the most beautiful; nor was it diminutive, being six
+miles in circumference. This paradise was placed in the centre of a
+country which was hideous in the extreme. Here then, was "the diamond
+of the desert."
+
+We may remember that, in olden times, the amorous Edgar, on the fame
+of Ordulph's lovely daughter, despatched a confidant to her distant
+home in order to ascertain whether her beauty was of such
+transcendency as report declared it.
+
+In this spot, then, the ancient seat of the Earls of Devon, the future
+queen, Elfrida, lived. A park it has ever been, from that day to this;
+and as one winds his silent steps between the stems of the giant and
+ruined oaks, the impression is, that here the spirits of Druids linger
+and roam as the last refuge left them untouched by the hand of man.
+
+It contained the two sides of an extensive valley, sweeping gradually
+down to the Winthra, a beautiful trout-stream murmuring along the
+ravine. The only inhabitant of the enormous mansion was a worn out and
+pensioned butler; so that my sole companions of the solitude were the
+deer, and these being never or seldom meddled with, had increased to
+multitudes; and when one observed the huge and lofty walls with which
+the whole was shut in, he felt indeed in Rasselas's happy valley.
+
+Here, then, have I passed days and days, without seeing one soul,
+reading, sketching, fishing, and bathing. Only once was I sensible of
+an intruder.
+
+One bright moonlight night, I was passing along by the banks of the
+stream, when I observed on the other side something which I was
+confident, from familiar acquaintance with the spot, was not wont to
+be there. As it was lying on the pebbly beach, partly in the chequered
+shade of a beech-tree, and partly in the water, I was totally at a
+loss to imagine what it might be, but had a strong foreboding that it
+was a human body. A little lower down there was a shallow, through
+which I passed; and on reaching the spot, I must acknowledge that I
+was equally horrified to find that the object of my anxiety was a
+freshly-killed deer. The poor thing had evidently come here to drink,
+when it had been seized upon by some dog; and I cannot express my
+mixture of rage and remorse as I watched the damp, warm vapour slowly
+rising from the lacerated and bloody flank, and contemplated the
+beautiful but dimmed eye, glazed by the pale moonlight. Our peaceful
+sanctuary was violated!
+
+I borrowed the very old gun of the very old butler, and watched for
+the moment of my revenge till daybreak, but it was never satiated.
+
+A few months after this, having received an invitation to a delightful
+residence near the sea, and at the same time to meet some families of
+the county, among whom was to be "my own dear somebody," Seymour and I
+had set off in high glee with such a break in the monotony of our
+monastic habits.
+
+That afternoon, then, I was riding by the side of this "somebody." A
+sort of confidence had arisen between us, very delightful and
+unaccountable; except simply that, on one side of me, as I rode along
+the edge of the cliffs, there was the Atlantic looking lowering and
+stormy, mingled in the horizon with the still drearier sky, broken or
+relieved by the contrast of a very lovely girl.
+
+At this moment it was blowing and raining heavily, and, as she
+cantered along, my admiration of her was anything but diminished, when
+I witnessed the cheerful and good-natured indifference with which she
+treated a boisterous day of "bleak and chill December."
+
+Being an ardent sort of little personage, she had been descanting with
+considerable animation and enthusiasm on a subject which affected her
+deeply. Her hair, completely dripping, was hanging down her cheek, now
+freshened by the coldness of the pelting rain. I cannot conceive how
+anything could look more beautiful than this girl did at that moment.
+At the same time though she appeared serious and melancholy, and, I
+think, a little out of humour too, while her hat, which was too large
+for her, had, from the wet, become quite shapeless, and appeared
+pressed down over her face, so that I could not forbear laughing, in
+spite of everything, though at the moment I felt wofully wretched!
+
+Interrupting herself, and looking up towards the clouds, she pointed
+out to me, with her whip, a portion of blue sky, perhaps intimating a
+cessation of the storm. Regardless of either, I coolly as
+thoughtlessly put my hand out to take hers! but owing to the action of
+our horses, missed it. She never saw the attempt, and I narrowly
+escaped making a great fool of myself.
+
+The most egregious act of folly, I think, a man can be guilty of, is
+to allow himself to meet with "a refusal."
+
+We may easily have tact enough to know, beforehand, the real state and
+probable result of the case.
+
+In the present one, this girl and her family would have seen me at the
+bottom of the Red Sea, ere my hopes and wishes on the subject had met
+with, "a consummation so devoutly to be wished."
+
+Two days afterwards, I was standing once more on the deck of a
+steamer, with my carpet-bag at my feet, bound for a foreign port.
+
+The Church I have resigned for ever--my parish, Winthra Park, both
+deserted--and my humble abode! "its hearth is desolate."
+
+
+
+
+BOOK THE THIRD.
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+We are aware that, when we "train up a child in the way he should go,
+he will not depart from it;" but fortunately, when it is that in which
+he ought not to go, he certainly will depart from it when he can.
+
+Thus having consumed nearly half my life--at all events, the _better_
+half--at a public school and the University, preparatory to a
+profession, my antipathy for which was exactly proportioned by my
+inaptitude for it, the sole result is, that I can now answer to the
+definition of a real gentleman, "one who has no visible means of a
+maintenance."
+
+I begin to suspect, then, that it may be, now and then, just worth
+while to condescend and observe how a child's disposition may incline
+him to go; and though, as an humble disciple of John Locke, I am quite
+sensible of the absurdity of "innate ideas," yet it is very evident
+that, at an early period of our lives, we evince traits which are
+infallibly indicative of the bent of our dispositions, which are just
+as our natures may have been constituted, and this bent is better
+known by the name of genius.
+
+Now it has been beneficently, and I will say beautifully ordained,
+that an individual, by gratifying this instinctive impulse of his
+genius, not only augments his own happiness, but that of his species
+also, and, I sometimes fondly hope, even that of the Creator himself.
+
+Over an extent of country is distributed a variety of soils, one
+adapted for one kind of produce, another for another, and the
+aggregate may amount to so much. Counteract this arrangement, and
+surely the result will be far inferior. Indeed, where is the
+agriculturist who is not strictly attentive as well as acquiescent to
+this tendency?
+
+How exactly, then, do I imagine this to apply to the variety of
+dispositions among ourselves; and if we follow, with regard to their
+natures, the same economy, then shall we see how simply true it is,
+that when we train up a child in the way he _should_ go, he will not
+depart from it.
+
+The conviction of this truth makes me curious to ascertain the way I
+ought to have gone; not that I am unaware of my present tastes, but
+which, probably, are the mere effects of education, and consequent
+and acquired habits, while my early ones have long since been lost or
+"warped by the kind severity of the pedagogue."
+
+Possessing a tolerable memory with regard to events, I will, then,
+just rummage about its lumber-room, and see if I cannot tumble out
+some long-forgotten recollection on the subject, if I may so express
+myself; but I sincerely trust that it may not turn out to be a
+tendency for the poet, or some such inclination incompatible with the
+fortunes of the youngest of younger brothers.
+
+After some pains to effect this object, I fear I must conclude that I
+have never evinced any marked genius, one way or another, unless it be
+for that of the vagrant! What a shock to my theory!
+
+Though an idle boy, I was ever a restless one. Whenever I had an
+opportunity, I was certain to give my nursery-maid the slip, and
+ramble through the fields and coppices, though at the cost of a
+whipping, or, at all events, the deprivation of my supper. I could
+never see a distant hill, but I longed to reach its summit to see what
+was on the other side; and had I been more conversant with holy writ,
+I should have been ever sighing, "O, that I had wings like the dove,
+for then would I flee away and be at rest." In short, every spot in
+the distance seemed to be more sunny and delightful than that which I
+at the moment occupied. For hours would I lean my forehead against the
+cold glass of the nursery window, and contemplate the noble hill that
+swelled in the horizon. There, I had no doubt, was the end of the
+world. Then would I conjecture whether it were possible to get there
+and back again, and whether life was long enough for such a voyage. I
+then fixed my eye on a large beech-tree--which, blessings on it, is
+still standing--that I conjectured to be placed about midway. I next
+counted the number of fields between us, in which I included the lawn.
+I knew that it was not a very great voyage to traverse this last to
+the Ha-ha and back. Following up these data, I arrived at the
+astounding conclusion that the whole original expedition might be
+accomplished in one day!
+
+This, then, I had resolved to do; but which, after many failures, I
+never accomplished until several years subsequently, when I determined
+not only to effect this distance, four whole miles, but to push on to
+the sea-side, seventeen miles beyond. Now, this was a voyage, and I
+designed to perform it unknown to any one. As I was ignorant of the
+probable duration of such an undertaking, I was anxious to take a
+sufficient wardrobe, and therefore required a valise; but not being
+able to procure one, I purloined a long leather-legging of my
+father's, buttoned it up, and stuffed it with my clothes, and which
+now, when turned in at the ends, and strapped to the saddle with the
+buttons downward, would have imposed itself as a respectable valise on
+the most experienced "travelling gentleman." The next morning, I rose
+before the sun, and squeezing through the bars of the stable window,
+threw out the saddle and bridle, went into the park up to my knees in
+dew, caught poor little Forester, and was away, while all at home were
+still fast asleep.
+
+"Men are but children of a larger growth;" and in lieu of Horsa's-hill
+in front of my home, I have now extended my ambition to a region,
+which, let me confess, without any particular reason, I have pictured
+to myself as the nucleus of glaciers and avalanches--of mountains and
+mighty rivers. At all events, thither will I now hasten, if it was
+only to support my theory--at any rate, that I may enjoy the credit of
+being throughout a consistent character--though, by-the-bye, I might
+just as well have been the dreaded poet!
+
+On examining my map, I found that the shortest way to the spot I had
+in view was to go across the paddock and the Downs for the sea-side,
+where I went on board for St. Malo, and from this corner of France I
+must find my way across to Geneva, at the other corner.
+
+The passage across the Channel was, as I expected, far from agreeable;
+for when a man wishes his "native land good night" in single
+blessedness, with but a slender purse in his pocket--and as his
+country's shores diminish, while sea-sickness increases--he cannot but
+cast a lingering look towards the scene of his youth far behind him,
+which he is leaving, perhaps for ever, to wander he knows not whither.
+
+Thus have I paid for that liberty, which has enabled me to explore my
+solitary way through the most interesting countries of Europe. During
+my pilgrimage, as I have traversed the monotonous plains of La Vendeé,
+the awful grandeur of the Alps, and the lovely yet sublime scenery of
+Italy, under every aspect--in summer and in winter, in sunshine and in
+storm--so have I, at times, been elated by the buoyant hopes of the
+present, as well as bowed down to the dust when I looked forward to
+the future. I have risen with the sun, my spirits vying with the
+freshness of the dawn; but how often "has my sun of hope set without a
+ray, while the dark night of dim despair shadowed only phantoms!"
+Alone, and on foot, I have accomplished thousands of miles over
+France, Piedmont, Savoy, Switzerland, Tyrol, Lombardy, and Italy--I
+have toiled along the dusty road, beneath the noontide heat of an
+Italian sun, or wandered over trackless Alpine heights through the
+midnight storm--have rested on princely couches, or on the wheaten
+straw of the peasant--I have joined the mazourka in palaces, or the
+tarantala in the wilds of Calabria--I have revelled in the scenery of
+Claude, or brooded over the lofty solitudes of Salvator Rosa and the
+brigand--I have experienced the frivolity of France, the dissipation
+of Florence, the profligacy of the Venetian, the degeneracy of the
+Roman, and vindictiveness of the Neapolitan, the insincerity of the
+impoverished noble, and the truth of honest poverty--I have wondered
+in the gaudy sanctuary of the Papist, teeming with devotees, or
+pondered amid the nobler simplicity of the Heathen's Temple in the
+deserts of malaria.
+
+Like the Bohemian, I had, indeed, dearly purchased this liberty! at
+the cost of every tie, even of religion itself, though perhaps
+unconscious of it at the time. I then enjoyed robust health, the
+main-spring of scepticism. Deprived, then, of the source of true
+happiness, and without any defined object in view, the career before
+me was a dreary one--though for the present my spirits were buoyed up
+by the excitement attendant upon novelty.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+My main guide through France was the Loire, which led me by a
+meandering route of nearly five hundred miles to the neighbourhood of
+Lyons.
+
+Knowing, at that time, so little of the language of those who
+surrounded me, as actually to envy the fluency of a parrot which I
+heard chattering with, I suspect, the true Parisian accent, I can
+scarcely account for the feeling of thorough nonchalance with which I
+commenced my pilgrimage, and which ever accompanied me to its
+conclusion. It was seldom even that I was sensible of loneliness,
+though I must bear witness to the almost inspired truth of the poet,
+when he says:--
+
+
+    "But midst the crowd, the hum, the shock of men,
+       To hear, to see, to feel, and to possess,
+     And roam along, the world's tired denizen,
+       With none who bless us, none whom we can bless,
+     This is to be alone--this, this is solitude!"
+
+
+And no one but the solitary pedestrian, entering a crowded city in a
+foreign land, can know this intense loneliness; but--
+
+
+    "To climb the trackless mountain all unseen,
+       With the wild flock that never needs a fold;
+     Alone o'er steeps and foaming falls to lean,
+       This is not solitude;"
+
+
+and I could scarcely feel that I had even left my home, when, towards
+the termination of my first day's walk, I came suddenly upon our old
+friend Blue Beard's Castle! Le Chateau de Barbe Bleu, as it was here
+designated. Not only was I for the instant transported back to my own
+country, but to the very nursery; for here, "once upon a time," lived
+the original and redoubted Blue Beard, the dreaded hero of our nursery
+romance; and, doubtless, I enjoyed the same lovely and peaceful
+prospect, though with somewhat different feelings, as "Sister Anne"
+some centuries foregone.
+
+Never, by any event, were my early days brought so vividly fresh
+before my mind's eye, as at this moment. In those times, to my
+recollection, the sun seemed to have been ever shining, the birds ever
+singing, the trees ever in leaf, and everyone equally kind, and it
+turns out to be but a silvery regretted dream, never to be re-dreamed.
+But I comforted myself with the reflection of a better man--"after
+all, the same blue sky bends o'er all of us, though the point above me
+might as well beam a little brighter blue." But I have found even an
+Italian sky to pall at last, to let us have as pleasing a variety of
+cloud and sunshine, as the better taste of Providence will afford us
+during our little day, and let us be content.
+
+But the impartiality of Providence towards us in this respect, is very
+conspicuous, or a little examination into the subject will clear away
+what few doubts we may entertain concerning it; otherwise, we might
+feel a difficulty in reconciling the various degrees of happiness
+which we are apt to suppose prevailed throughout the world, or to
+exist at present between different persons, with our notions of
+justice, when we revert from the present refined and peaceful period,
+to those of barbarism and bloodshed, or think of the pampered alderman
+and the overworked and starving pauper.
+
+Has, then, the general happiness of mankind actually varied with
+different epochs? Were the lauded golden ages so much brighter than
+these of the baser metal? No more so, perhaps, than, in spite of
+Homer's assertion, were the heroes who contended on the plains of Troy
+superior in stature or force to those on the plains of Waterloo. As
+the human constitution accommodates itself to all climes, so our sense
+of felicity fits itself to external circumstances; and thus the
+quantity of happiness, or rather, sense of enjoyment, existing at
+various ages of the world, may not have differed more than that which
+we suppose to exist between contemporaneous individuals; and this
+cannot be very great when we doubt whether the peasant would barter
+his poverty for the wealth of the prince, on the condition, also, of
+adding to his own years the fifteen or twenty additional winters that
+have silvered the hair of his superior. Thus, at all events, a few
+fleeting years annihilates the extremes of their lot.
+
+The truth is, the cup of happiness is very limited, and that of most
+men as replete as their sense of enjoyment can admit of; more than
+this is superfluous, wasted, and unappreciated, or even, as it were,
+condensed by the feeling of satiety which ensues; while, on the other
+hand, the rarer sources of happiness to another man will expand and
+fill the cup, blessed as he is with an "elasticity of spirits."
+Happiness, too, being for the most part placed in perspective, becomes
+equally distant or inaccessible to all, and seems to have been
+purposely placed beyond our reach for the same reason that the old man
+feigned to have concealed the treasure beneath the soil in order that
+his sons might become rich by the culture of it, which they
+necessarily, though unwittingly, effected in their search for the
+gold; and thus our only happiness consists in our efforts to attain
+the same, though the instant we become sensible of this, we find that
+we have then indeed exhausted the cup, and like the rest that have
+done so before us, take a long breath, and sigh, "all is vanity!" and
+begin to think more intently and exclusively about the attainment of
+our wishes in another world; for--
+
+
+    "Quand on a tout perdu, quand on n'a plus d'espoir,
+     La vie est un opprobre, et la mort un devoir."
+
+                  VOLTAIRE.
+
+
+I think that our Creator never meant us to be contented, and that we
+should always have something to look forward to and fret about--"It is
+thy vocation, Hal,"--or we sink into apathy, and become averse to the
+prospect of the last great change. "Well, Mr. Graham," said a once
+contented, but now expiring Nimrod to me, "after all you have said,
+give me a thousand a-year, and the old bald-faced mare again, and I
+don't care if I never see the kingdom of Heaven." Or, as Johnson
+parodied the enjoyment of the savage--"With this cow by my side, and
+this grass at my feet, what can a bull wish for more?" Contentment!
+Nothing with vitality must, or ever will be contented, save a
+vegetable, or a toad in the centre of a rock, and he probably is
+sighing, with Sterne's starling, "I can't get out!"
+
+Occupation seems to be the original, or true source of all enjoyment;
+though for this word I would substitute that of progress, and implying
+successful occupation. My friend and I each possess an estate of six
+thousand pounds, but the former lately possessed twenty thousand, and
+I nothing. Which of us is now the more happily situated?
+
+Hence arises the happiness of the saint-like and self-denying hermit;
+his complaint, "I can't get out!" lasts as long as he does, while he
+progresses with every flying moment; and conversely, the most unhappy
+man is the idle and irreligious one. Happiness was mingled with sorrow
+when Gibbon penned this most interesting but melancholy passage on the
+termination of twenty years' incessant labour, and which should give
+us a deep insight into the philosophy of life.
+
+"It was," says he, "on the day, or rather night, of the 27th of June,
+1787, between the hours of eleven and twelve, that I wrote the last
+lines of the last page, in a summer-house in my garden. After laying
+down my pen, I took several turns in a _berceau_, or covered walk of
+acacias, which commands a prospect of the country, the lake, and the
+mountains. The air was temperate, the sky was serene; the silver orb
+of the moon was reflected from the waters, and all nature was silent.
+I will not dissemble the first emotions of joy on the recovery of my
+freedom, and perhaps the establishment of my fame. But my pride was
+soon humbled, and a sober melancholy was spread over my mind, by the
+idea that I had taken an everlasting leave of an old and agreeable
+companion; and that whatsoever might be the future fate of my history,
+the life of the historian might be short and precarious."
+
+Othello's _occupation_ was gone. I made a pilgrimage to this spot on
+the banks of the Lake of Geneva, and reached it towards the close of a
+summer's evening, and saw all as the historian had described it; on
+returning the next morning, the arbour and its creepers were lying
+prostrate on the ground!
+
+But the general and more prosperous lot--for a beneficent Creator has
+willed a preponderance of happiness--is pictured by, probably, the
+most pertinent and poetical simile ever devised. Keeping in view the
+career of man on earth, "the river," says Pliny, "springs from the
+earth, but its origin is in heaven. Its beginnings are insignificant,
+and its infancy frivolous; it plays among the flowers of a meadow; it
+waters a garden, or turns a little mill. Gathering strength in its
+youth, it sometimes becomes wild and impetuous. Impatient of the
+restraints it meets with in the hollows among the mountains, it is,
+perhaps, restless and turbulent, quick in its turnings, and unsteady
+in its course. In its more advanced age, it comes abroad into the
+world, journeying with more prudence and discretion, through
+cultivated fields; and no longer headstrong in its course, but
+yielding to circumstances, it winds round what would trouble it to
+overcome and remove. It passes through populous cities, and all the
+busy haunts of man, tendering its services on every side, and becoming
+the support and ornament of the country. Now increased by numerous
+alliances, and advanced in its course, it loves peace and quiet, and
+in majestic silence rolls on its mighty waters, until it is laid to
+rest in the vast abyss."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+So long as I followed the course of the Loire, I was each day
+surrounded, though not by magnificent, yet by a beautiful and happy
+kind of scenery; but as often as I quitted its banks for a few days,
+in order that I might pursue a more direct line towards the mountains
+of Savoy, which now began dimly to appear in the horizon, so often was
+I compelled to pass over a level and treeless soil, and with the
+captive of twenty years imprisonment, when led into the street only to
+be executed at the other end, I began to sigh, "O, that I might but
+look on a green tree once more!" And I shall long remember the
+cheerful and delightful sensation, as I again drew near the verdant
+tracts, and then listened to the distant sound of the rapid Loire.
+
+During one of these detours, but through a well-wooded plain, on my
+way towards the old city of Bourges, I had long been pacing through a
+deep and dusty lane formed purposely to exclude every breath of air,
+while the sun appeared to be heaping coals of fire on my devoted head.
+I was at length compelled to sit down considerably affected by the
+intense heat and leg-weariness. The day was now somewhat advanced,
+while, to all appearance, there was no termination to the silent
+woods, or, perhaps, forests on every side.
+
+
+    "A night in the greenwood spent,
+     Is but to-morrow's merriment;"
+
+
+but I was now so annoyed by thirst that I was again compelled to rise
+and persevere in toiling on my way, until I was so fortunate as to
+meet with a man, whose rough and wild exterior portended anything or
+everything sooner than such satisfactory tidings as I was sufficiently
+ingenious to extract from him. Conducting me a little in advance, he
+pointed towards a distant but gigantic cross, rearing itself up into
+the blue sky, and then left me, apparently confident that I should
+find everything needful at the foot of that cross.
+
+Having reached this in about half an hour, I observed a monastery
+situated in a valley beneath me. This, then, I conjectured was to be
+my _auberge_; for, on looking around, nothing was to be seen save the
+aforesaid interminable glades, and, what was still somewhat
+perplexing, the monastery itself was apparently tenantless. Having
+seated myself in the shade, in order to contemplate some contrivance
+by which, in a respectful manner, I might gain admittance and reveal
+my necessities, during perhaps an hour's suspense, I recognised not a
+token of habitation, until at length a bell lazily tolled, and echoed
+among the solitary woods.
+
+Descending into the valley, I now approached the portal, within which
+I found a person with a brown freckled face, enveloped in a cowl of
+the same colour, seated motionless on a cold stone bench behind the
+gate. For the instant, I was the rude Gaul, surveying the mysterious
+senator of the forum; but without insulting his beard, or wasting
+words on the subject, I followed my silent conductor through several
+extensive corridors, into a spacious and very habitable salon, where a
+remarkable and interesting person shortly made his appearance,
+approaching with his hand proffered in token of welcome, while his
+face beamed with everything one could imagine to be associated with
+benevolence and charity. He seemed to divine by instinct that I was an
+Englishman, as promptly as he did by my embarrassment that I was no
+Frenchman, addressing me in my own language with great fluency,
+though, as was to be expected, with a considerable accent. Informing
+me that I was welcome to his monastery, he withdrew to order some
+refreshment. Returning shortly with a monk, he announced my supper;
+and I shall not forget the sense of humiliation I experienced, when
+compelled to sit at table and be attended on by two persons, each of
+whom was half a century my senior, and one of them that might grace
+the proudest aristocracy of Europe, of which, indeed, this abbot, Pere
+Antoine, was once a member in his youthful days, at the court of Louis
+XV.
+
+The monk who had now joined us proved to be my countryman, which
+circumstance had induced his Superior to grant him the indulgence of
+entertaining the stranger. I may be permitted to say indulgence, for,
+with a face glowing with delight, he let me know that he had not
+listened to his native tongue for fifteen years.
+
+My supper consisted of broth, potatoes, and artichokes, which also
+comprised my breakfast, as well as dinner, during my sojourn of three
+days in this monastery, where they esteem even fish and eggs to be too
+carnal. Such is the austerity of their lives, that this monk, who was
+their physician, informed me that it required three entire years to
+become inured to it, but that those who stood the ordeal mostly
+attained a very great age. Their clothing, food, and medicines are
+each confined to such as they themselves can manufacture from the
+produce of the surrounding acres, of which they are the cultivators.
+As the sun went down, the Abbot and his companion, wishing me
+good-night, retired to rest. On approaching the window, I observed
+another monk sauntering from the burial-ground, where, with his
+hands, in conformity to their daily custom, he had been scooping out
+his final resting-place.
+
+Never have I been so conscious of intense loneliness and solitude! It
+was now about midnight, and the moon was shining brightly on the Abbey
+lake. Not a leaf was stirring, and all things as still as death, while
+the clear evening star shone cold and motionless over the dark edge of
+the forest, towering black and gloomy in the silent distance. I was as
+"the last man." Not a soul was breathing nearer to me than the poor
+old monks, who, hours ago, had crept to their dormitory in the
+farthest cloister of the Abbey.
+
+The order among whom I was, was that of La Trappe, which is by far the
+most austere sect in Christendom. They allow themselves but five
+hours' sleep, and that on a bare board, without putting off their
+clothes. They perform masses each morning, from half-past two until
+six o'clock; they deny themselves any meat whatever, their meal
+invariably consisting of some oaten bread, with a little poor wine of
+their own growing, disguised in water; and--they never speak!
+
+When we reflect that what is not only the great characteristic between
+man and the brute, but perhaps the most wonderful and beneficent gift
+of God to man should be thus rejected, we cannot but be possessed
+with a very sorry opinion of such an unjustifiable institution.
+
+I have now spent a few days with two of them, both of whom were as
+agreeable, truly well-bred men, as I ever met with; but what is the
+more remarkable is that these two old men, who have lived, or rather
+but just existed under such privations, were as good-tempered,
+kind-hearted old persons, as it is capable for human frailty to
+attain; and when we consider that each day is a day of penance, and
+that, too, a monotonous penance, with not a prospect beyond their
+walls, and none within, save their burial-ground, perhaps there is
+nothing in the character of man so unaccountable as such overwhelming
+immolation, unless it be that they esteem this life as so
+insignificant, such a nothingness in comparison to eternity, and that
+endless glories are to be earned by, comparatively speaking, momentary
+deprivation, that they endure it as martyrs. And when, as I was, in
+the stillness of the crumbling Abbey, while its bell tolled the hour
+and reverberated through the courts and deserted cloisters, I
+remembered that these poor old men, so kind, so hospitable to the
+stranger, so denying, so unsparing to themselves, had here buried
+their youth under such belief, I could not but from my heart wish them
+compensation as extreme as their delusion.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+On reaching Bourges, my attention was attracted by an object widely
+differing from the venerable Abbot. Judging from my own experience, I
+may confidently affirm that not an Englishman quits his country, but
+he instantly becomes sensible of the comparative plainness of the
+fairer sex. I need hardly say that I allude to that of the lower
+orders; for as I was circumstanced, I was but little qualified to
+estimate the attributes of the more exclusive circles, only one of
+whom I chanced to meet, or rather to approach, during my ramble
+through France. Whether it was from unexpectedly meeting with a
+moderately humanised countenance suddenly appearing among those I
+observed daily around me, or that I had met with a face exquisitely
+lovely, I will not determine. I had been awaiting the arrival of the
+Mal Poste for Marseilles, the passengers of which were expected to
+join the table d'hôte. For the last ten minutes I had been
+contemplating a dark, muddy court-yard beneath the window. The
+travellers having arrived and taken their seats at the table, I sat
+down, and was instantly startled by the face that I observed opposite
+to me, contrasted, as it chanced to be, with a dark unshaven one on
+either side of it. The salon was nearly as sombre as midnight, and
+there was a delicate and oval face, brightened by a pair of large soft
+eyes, "with fire rolling at the bottom of them!" Long, long did I
+deplore my deficiency of the organ of language; for with such a person
+for my _vis-a-vis_, I could open my mouth but to eat!
+
+We are little aware how exclusively we derive our opinion of others
+from their appearance and manner, and so independently of the
+sentiments they utter. Until we live among those with whom we cannot
+converse, it is impossible to be sensible of this truth; but I am
+confident, from long experience, that it is the fact. I have formed as
+correct an opinion of a German's character, not a word of whose
+language was intelligible to me, as of the Englishman's beside him,
+and perhaps more so, as not being misled by what he might choose to
+advance. And in support of this assertion, I will just mention, that I
+have subsequently met with foreigners, whom it has given me great
+pleasure to meet with, again and again, and that a mutual regard has
+existed between us, though neither has, for a moment, been verbally
+intelligible to the other.
+
+As, then, it is so possible thus to estimate a person, I will just
+select the one opposite to me as an interesting example, for I well
+remember her. She appeared to be about seventeen, and radiant with
+youth and freshness, but accompanied with a delicacy and slenderness,
+as excessive as could be consistent with health. Her manner was
+completely fascinating, and her voice particularly so, when you
+observed the lips and teeth from whence it floated. She was a sort of
+fond person, and yet with a great share of humour--very talented, but
+all in delightful subjection to a refined and delicate feeling. Alas!
+the morrow's sun saw us, by roads as opposite as our future paths
+through life, departing from Bourges for ever.
+
+Bidding farewell, even to a disagreeable person, when you know it to
+be _for ever_, causes a blank, unpleasant sensation, and therefore I
+was now weighed down with a feeling of desolation quite oppressive.
+The sole thing that seemed to cling to me was my knapsack. No sooner
+have I ever formed any sort of regard for any sort of person, than
+Geoffrey Crayon's words, "Tom, you're wanted," dole upon my ear, and I
+must away. This is the curse of the traveller. And now what has since
+been the fate of this person? Confusion overwhelm the clogs and
+procrastination of civilised society! As Geoffrey Crayon once more
+bluntly states it, "Done," said the devil--"Done," said Tom
+Walker--so they shook hands, and struck a bargain; and why could not
+she and I have done the same! But she has gone, and that her days of
+life might be brightened with cloudless serenity, no one so ardently
+prayed, as a homeless and hopeless unknown; for I found that--
+
+
+    "The heart like the tendril accustomed to cling,
+       Let it grow where it will cannot flourish alone,
+     But must lean to the nearest, loveliest thing
+       It can twine itself round, and make closely its own."
+
+
+And, to make the matter worse, I had also at this time finally to
+separate from my oldest companions, a pair of shoes. They formed the
+last relic of my English wardrobe, and had borne me over a long
+distance. Having really an attachment for them, I placed them high up
+in the fork of a Spanish chestnut tree, whither I could not help again
+climbing up, that I might take a last look at them as they rested pale
+with the dust of leagues, uncomplaining though deserted.
+
+In a few days more I had reached the heart of Switzerland; but what a
+contrast had I experienced in passing from one country to the other!
+The whole of France, with the exception of my ever happy Loire, must
+surely be the most monotonous and unpicturesque tract of the whole
+continent; while Switzerland presents, at every turn, a combination
+of the paradisaical and of terrific sterility. Smiling patriarchal
+pastures, walled in by granite mountains, frowning in eternal silence
+and solitude, save when thundering with the awful avalanche. I said
+that their piles of granite were barren; but what a moment is it to
+explore your way companionless, and find them to be the source and
+spring of richness and fertility to Europe, as the sun is of warmth
+and light to the world--to pick your doubtfully hazardous way across
+the glacier, and there read great Nature's receipt for making rivers.
+You find that the nearer you climb towards the heavens, the more
+palpable are the works of their Creator:--
+
+
+    "My altars are the mountains, and the ocean--
+    Earth, air, stars--all that proceed from the great Whole,
+    Who has made and will receive the soul."
+
+
+As to how mine was likely to be disposed of, the moment had now
+arrived when I was to consider; for not only had severe sickness
+overtaken me, but I suspected that my death-blow had been received.
+Severe sickness will bring the stoutest of us, and the most
+unthinking, to reflect soberly on the past, the present, and the
+future; at all events, it had this effect on me one night, among many
+other restless and sleepless ones, as in solitude I watched the
+flickering flame of the candle by my bedside. As for the present,
+until the moment of leaving my country, I had bestowed but little
+attention on it. It is the man of the world, who is wisely engrossed
+with that period; and, unfortunately, I had never been gifted with, or
+rather had never acquired, a sufficient stock of common sense to
+enable me to approximate that character.
+
+We all love to contemplate and dwell on the brightest side of things,
+simply because that is the most pleasing to us; and having but little
+self-denial, I ever enveloped myself in the past, the sunniest side of
+my existence.
+
+As for the future, with regard to a life to come, for that was what I
+was now to think about, my opinion, if it could be called such,
+laboured under confusion and inconsistency. Could anything have made
+me more miserable than another, it would have been the doubt of it;
+but from this I have ever been exempt, feeling assured, that were
+there none, our minds would no more have been created capable of
+entertaining an idea of it, than that our bodies would have been
+hampered with legs for which there was to be no need--and as these
+imply the function of walking, so our idea of futurity affords us the
+proof of it. Yet happy as I was in its belief, I always regretted that
+I had been born, notwithstanding that I was aware that an endless
+sleep and non-existence must be one and the same thing. My love of
+existence then, of some sort, must have been an acquired taste, like
+that of the opium-eater--I would that it had never commenced, but had
+not sufficient fortitude to relinquish it. But most probably this
+regret arose as I looked back through the bright and peaceful vista of
+my earliest days, and then fondly trusting that it could but lead to
+some lovely period, ere I existed here; but alas! I could recal no
+recollection of it, nor could any one else that I knew of, with the
+exception of Pythagoras, and, perhaps, my Lord Herbert of Cherbery.
+
+But I must cut short all this absurdity, to call it by the mildest
+term, especially as my pilgrimage is drawing "towards an end, like a
+tale that is told."
+
+I arose from my bed apparently with similar prejudices ere I was
+confined to it, but, with my constitution, they have happily received
+a fatal blow. Had I been with others, I should probably have lingered
+in Venice until my hour had come, but, as it was, what had I to stop
+for?
+
+
+    "Whether it was despair that urged me on,
+     God only knows--but to the very last,
+     I had the lightest foot in Ennerdale."
+
+
+Many a weary mile have I since accomplished in a state of health
+almost incredible, though I am now convinced that I have performed my
+last; but it was a beautiful one!
+
+On the eastern shores of the Bay of Naples rises the mountain of St.
+Angelo. For days had I gazed upon it with a wistful eye, and with all
+the eagerness of my childhood, when I never saw a distant hill but I
+was restless until I had reached it. Notwithstanding that my strength
+now daily diminished, my desire so increased upon me, that but a brief
+time had elapsed ere I had gratified it. This mountain protrudes
+abruptly into the Mediterranean, dividing the bay of Salerno from that
+of Naples.
+
+I have enjoyed the grandest scenery of Europe, but never, never such
+as this, or at such a moment. The death stillness of the day was
+appalling--the air was motionless, the heavens cloudless, and the deep
+blue sea, far, far beneath me, without a ripple; and not a sound
+reached my ear but that of my own watch. There I rested on the summit,
+basking in the sun, and enjoying a view, if such might be so called,
+worthy an angel's while to fly down and witness, and which, I dare
+say, one does now and then among these aërial solitudes.
+
+And now my feverish curiosity with regard to distant countries is
+satisfied to the full. It once was such as extended to other worlds,
+when I would welcome death in order to indulge it. The time is now
+approaching, then, when I must set out for "that bourne from which no
+traveller returns." My love of roaming has happily waned with the
+power of gratifying it, and I am now on my return, by easy stages, for
+the monastery of La Trappe, and I trust that a few days more will
+place me in its peaceful retirement, for I am weary.
+
+
+
+  T.C. Savill, Printer, 4, Chandos Street, Covent Garden.
+
+
+
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+
+    +-------------------------------------------+
+    | Typographical errors corrected in text:   |
+    |                                           |
+    |    Page 48: Etona's replaced with Eton's  |
+    |    Page 98: groupe replaced with group    |
+    |                                           |
+    +-------------------------------------------+
+
+
+
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+<h1 class="pg">The Project Gutenberg eBook, Confessions of an Etonian, by I. E. M.</h1>
+<pre>
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at <a href = "http://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a></pre>
+<p>Title: Confessions of an Etonian</p>
+<p>Author: I. E. M.</p>
+<p>Release Date: September 29, 2006  [eBook #19405]</p>
+<p>Language: English</p>
+<p>Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1</p>
+<p>***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CONFESSIONS OF AN ETONIAN***</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<h4 class="pg">E-text prepared by Jeannie Howse, Irma Spehar, Jason Isbell,<br />
+   and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team<br />
+   (<a href="http://www.pgdp.net/">http://www.pgdp.net/</a>)<br />
+   from page images generously made available by<br />
+   Internet Archive<br />
+   (<a href="http://www.archive.org/index.php">http://www.archive.org/index.php</a>)</h4>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<table border="0" style="background-color: #ccccff;" cellpadding="10">
+  <tr>
+    <td valign="top">
+      Note:
+    </td>
+    <td>
+      Images of the original pages are available through
+	  Internet Archive. See
+	  <a href="http://ia301238.us.archive.org/1/items/The_Confessions_Of_An_Etonian/">
+	  http://ia301238.us.archive.org/1/items/The_Confessions_Of_An_Etonian/</a>
+	</td>
+  </tr>
+</table>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<div class="tr">
+<p class="cen" style="font-weight: bold;">Transcriber's Note:</p>
+<br />
+<p class="noin">Inconsistent hyphenation and unusual spelling in the
+original document have been preserved.</p>
+<p class="noin">A Table of Contents has been added for the readers convenience.</p>
+<p class="noin">A number of obvious typographical errors have been corrected in this text.
+For a complete list, please see the <a href="#TN">end of this document</a>.</p>
+</div>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<hr class="full" />
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+
+<h2>THE CONFESSIONS</h2>
+<h5>OF</h5>
+<h1>AN ETONIAN.</h1>
+
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+
+<h2>By I. E. M.</h2>
+
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+
+<h5>LONDON<br />
+SAUNDERS AND OTLEY, CONDUIT STREET.<br />
+1846.</h5>
+
+<br />
+<hr />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+
+
+<div style="margin-left: 25%; margin-right: 25%;">
+<p class="cen">"To preserve the past is half of immortality."<br />
+<span class="sc">D'Israeli the Elder.</span></p>
+</div>
+
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<a name="toc" id="toc"></a><hr />
+<br />
+
+<h3>CONTENTS</h3>
+<br />
+
+<div class="cen">
+<a href="#PREFACE">PREFACE.</a><br />
+<br />
+BOOK THE FIRST.<br />
+<br />
+<a href="#CHAPTER_I">CHAPTER I.</a><br />
+<a href="#CHAPTER_II">CHAPTER II.</a><br />
+<a href="#CHAPTER_III">CHAPTER III</a><br />
+<a href="#CHAPTER_IV">CHAPTER IV.</a><br />
+<a href="#CHAPTER_V">CHAPTER V.</a><br />
+<a href="#CHAPTER_VI">CHAPTER VI.</a><br />
+<a href="#CHAPTER_VII">CHAPTER VII.</a><br />
+<a href="#CHAPTER_VIII">CHAPTER VIII.</a><br />
+<a href="#CHAPTER_IX">CHAPTER IX.</a><br />
+<a href="#CHAPTER_X">CHAPTER X.</a><br />
+<br />
+BOOK THE SECOND.<br />
+<br />
+<a href="#CHAPTER_Ib">CHAPTER I.</a><br />
+<a href="#CHAPTER_IIb">CHAPTER II.</a><br />
+<a href="#CHAPTER_IIIb">CHAPTER III.</a><br />
+<a href="#CHAPTER_IVb">CHAPTER IV.</a><br />
+<br />
+BOOK THE THIRD.<br />
+<br />
+<a href="#CHAPTER_Ic">CHAPTER I.</a><br />
+<a href="#CHAPTER_IIc">CHAPTER II.</a><br />
+<a href="#CHAPTER_IIIc">CHAPTER III.</a><br />
+<a href="#CHAPTER_IVc">CHAPTER IV.</a><br />
+</div>
+
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<a name="PREFACE" id="PREFACE"></a><hr />
+<br />
+
+<h3>PREFACE.<span class="totoc"><a href="#toc">ToC</a></span></h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>The author is anxious to request any person who may meet with this
+trifling volume to bear in mind that it contains the memoir of an
+unworthy member of the place to which it alludes&mdash;that many years have
+now elapsed since he quitted the spot where its regulations with
+regard to education have been as much altered as improved. For Eton!
+"my heart is thine though my shadow falls on a distant land." But
+should these pages influence the judgment of any mistaken but
+well-meaning parent, as to his son's future destination, the writer
+will hope that he has not exposed himself in vain.</p>
+
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<a name="CHAPTER_I" id="CHAPTER_I"></a><hr />
+<br />
+
+<h1>THE CONFESSIONS OF AN ETONIAN.</h1>
+
+
+<h2>BOOK THE FIRST.</h2>
+
+
+<h3>CHAPTER I.<span class="totoc"><a href="#toc">ToC</a></span></h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>"Here's Harry crying!" And on the instant, my brother awoke the elder
+ones to witness and enjoy the astounding truth.</p>
+
+<p>"What makes you think that?" I replied, in as resolute a tone as a
+throat choking with anguish would admit of.</p>
+
+<p>"Why, you're crying now," added another brother; "I see the tears
+shining in the moonlight."</p>
+
+<p>"Only a little," I at length admitted; and, satisfied with the
+concession, my numerous brethren composed themselves once more to
+sleep in the corners of the carriage, on their way to Eton, leaving my
+eldest brother's pointer and myself at the bottom, to our own
+reflections <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a></span>As for old Carlo, his still and regular breathing evinced
+that his mind was as easy and comfortable as his body, sagaciously
+satisfying himself with the evil of the day as it passed over him.
+Here Carlo had the advantage of me,&mdash;I anticipated the morrow. Strange
+and boisterous school-boys, tight-pantalooned ushers, with menacing
+canes, were, to my yet unsophisticated mind, anything but agreeable
+subjects for a reverie, and I felt proportionately doleful; I turned
+my thoughts on the past, and I was very miserable.</p>
+
+<p>I now learnt that I had been happy, and, for the first time,
+appreciated that happiness. The hours of this long, weary day had
+appeared to be as many months; and when I ruminated on former scenes,
+and their dear little events, I sighed in bitterness, "What a time ago
+all this seems!" And as I peered up at the moon from my abyss through
+the window, my eyes unconsciously swam with tears, when I reflected
+that, if at home, I should at this moment be taking tea with my dear
+nurse, Lucy, and my sister's governess, just before I went to bed.</p>
+
+<p>I had now bid an eternal farewell to, doubtless, by far the
+dearest,&mdash;happiest period of our existence, the dawn of life's
+day&mdash;that enviable time when "we have no lessons;" when the colt
+presses, with his unshod foot, the fresh and verdant meadow, while he
+wonders <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span>at the team toiling under a noontide sun, over the parched
+and arid fallow in the distance.</p>
+
+<p>This, then, was my first lesson of experience; and on reflection,
+perhaps many of us will agree that, after all the vaunted troubles and
+anxieties incident to manhood, few surpass in intensity and
+hopelessness the sad separation from home for a detested school; it is
+real and wringing anguish, though, fortunately, like flayed eels, we
+eventually become inured to it.</p>
+
+<p>I now went through, for three years at a private school, the usual
+routine of punishment and bullying preparatory for Eton; and as these
+were of the ordinary kind, I will at once omit this epoch of my life,
+and commence with my <i>deb&ucirc;t</i> at that great capital of England's
+schools.</p>
+
+<p>It may not be out of place to give here a slight and rapid sketch of
+the scene to which these immediate pages are confined, as well as of
+other matters connected with it.</p>
+
+<p>Every one knows where Windsor is, and that Eton was separated from it
+by the Thames, until united by Windsor Bridge. But, with regard to the
+latter town, there may be some confusion, for it is divided into Eton,
+and Eton proper. This last will hereafter be distinguished as
+"College," and is situated about half a mile from the bridge, to which
+it is connected by the town.</p>
+
+<p>"College," I think, may be said to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span>comprehend "the school-yard," the
+suburbs, and "the playing fields."</p>
+
+<p>"The school-yard" is a spacious and respectable quadrangle; the upper
+school, the church, the cloisters, and long chamber, each respectively
+forming a side of it. In the centre is placed the statue of the
+founder, Henry VI.</p>
+
+<p>"The upper school" is placed over an arched cloister, and an
+ominous-looking region, in which, I suspect, is the magazine of birch.
+The school is nothing more than an extensive room, with its floor
+lined with fixed forms, and the wainscot with sculptured names
+innumerable. One is guilty of a sad omission should he quit Eton
+without giving a crown to Cartland to perpetuate his name on the
+immortal oak. Perhaps the loss of few olden records would be more
+deplored than its destruction, for here are registered many of Eton's
+worthiest sons; C.I. FOX, as in after life, is here pre-eminent.
+Adjoining the upper end is another room, called "the library," in
+which there is not a book, but there is "the block," which speaks
+volumes; and as a library may, by a little forcing, be defined to be a
+chamber set apart for the acquirement of learning, this room is not,
+perhaps, misnamed.</p>
+
+<p>This block is a very simple machine&mdash;merely a couple of steps. The
+victim places his knees on the lower, and his elbows on the upper
+step; <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span>but if the reader will thus place himself in his imagination,
+he will enter more immediately into the spirit of the thing.</p>
+
+<p>In front of him he sees a couple of little collegers, to hold aside
+the skirts of his coat. On his left is Keate, like Jupiter about to
+hurl his thunderbolt; on his right "the birch cupboard;" and though he
+can see nothing, he has little doubt of what is in his rear, the
+instant he is operated on. "Neither intemperance nor old age hae, in
+gout or rheumatic, an agony to compare wi' a weel-laid-on whack of the
+tawse, on a part that for manners shall be nameless."</p>
+
+<p>The church, though not very remarkable for its dimensions, may be
+styled a handsome and venerable Gothic edifice; simple and regular,
+with its sides supported by deep and lofty buttresses, the recesses of
+which form the boys' "fives-walls."</p>
+
+<p>The cloisters form another small quadrangle. Over them are built the
+comfortable dwellings of the "College fellows," and "the College
+library," which is somewhat more appropriately furnished than that
+just described.</p>
+
+<p>The Fellows have each been boys on the foundation, having been
+elected, according to seniority, to King's College, Cambridge, from
+whence they have been re-elected Fellows of Eton.</p>
+
+<p>"Long chamber" is long enough to contain <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span>nearly the whole of the
+collegers, or boys on the foundation, whose complement I conjecture to
+be about seventy. This is a region of which I can give but an
+uncertain description, for few "Oppidans" cared to venture in. When I
+did, it was to be tossed in a blanket, so that, though elevated, my
+survey was hasty and superficial; but I suspect that the entire
+furniture to which a colleger lays claim, is his bed and bureau,
+tables and chairs being here as much out of keeping (if they could be
+kept at all) as at Stonehenge. <i>En passant</i>&mdash;this tossing was a
+pastime replete with the sublime and awful. That their efforts might
+be simultaneous, those who held the blanket, and they were legion,
+made use of the following neat hexameter:</p>
+
+<p style="margin-left: 10%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;">"Ibis ab excusso, missus ab astra, sago."</p>
+
+<p>And you go with a vengeance. "You shall fly from the quivering
+blanket, despatched to the stars." The suspense was fearful while
+awaiting the utterance of the ultimate syllable&mdash;how perfectly and
+permanently have I acquired this pithy verse!</p>
+
+<p>The floor is polished once a year on Election Friday, by "rug-riding."
+This is accomplished by rolling a fellow up in a counterpane, here
+properly called a rug. To either end of him is attached a rope, to
+which five or six boys are harnessed. The floor is now well smeared
+with tallow-grease, over which the warm mummy, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span>rendered still hotter
+by friction, is now drawn with delightful velocity. The polish thus
+obtained is admirable, and but the slightest flavour of grease lingers
+until the ensuing election.</p>
+
+<p>The suburbs form a small town, composed of a few large and
+indispensable shops, together with the houses of the masters and
+dames, at whose houses the boys, not on the foundation, and who are
+denominated "oppidans," board and lodge.</p>
+
+<p>"The playing-fields" are very extensive, and subdivided into the
+playing-fields, "upper-shooting-fields," and "lower-shooting-fields."
+The two latter are separated from the former by "poet's-walk," a
+lovely little peninsula, with an avenue of lime-trees running through
+its entire length.</p>
+
+<p>The shooting-fields are appropriated solely to cricket, and in winter
+are "out of bounds." The playing-fields are open for foot-ball in the
+winter, and for fighting all the year round. The whole is most
+beautifully situated on the banks of the Thames, with the Little Park
+and Windsor Castle on the opposite side. In addition, it is lined and
+studded with the stateliest and most gigantic elms in England.</p>
+
+<p>These three divisions, the school-yard, suburbs, and playing-fields,
+form in theory "the bounds," which in practice are boundless, an
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span>Etonian's movements being curbed by time, rather than by space.</p>
+
+<p>Eton, at its foundation, was a charity-school for seventy boys. In
+time, it received other pupils. The original ones are collegers, who
+are distinguished by a coarse black gown; the latter are oppidans,
+literally meaning "town-boys." The former may not wear white trowsers,
+and all are debarred boots, and black or coloured neckcloths.</p>
+
+<p>Collegers are dieted solely on mutton; hence they are familiarly and
+vulgarly termed "mutton-tugs," abbreviated to "tugs," which homely
+monosyllable they themselves derive from <i>togati</i>, on account of their
+wearing the <i>toga</i>&mdash;had they not better trace their origin at once
+from that mysterious and secret society of the Thugs of India? But
+their internal economy should be treated with diffidence, for between
+them and the oppidans there was ever an undefined, though "great gulf
+fixed." Owing to this, there is a difficulty in deciding how much, if
+any, of the following incident may be authentic. As asserted above,
+they were confined to mutton, the whole mutton, and nothing but the
+mutton, until the humane, but late Mr. Godolphin bequeathed a sum of
+money, to be appropriated in supplying them with potatoes, which
+henceforth accompanied the mutton, though in a state of nature; and
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span>as this was not contrary to the statute, and as in all charities as
+little is done for the money as is possible, the poor boys and their
+potatoes were without remedy, until one of the College Fellows kindly
+bequeathed an annuity towards extricating them from their dilemma. He
+has ever since been appropriately immortalized as "Pealipo Roberts."</p>
+
+<p>Each boy has a tutor, who is one of the masters, of whom there are
+about thirteen. Their chief occupation is in correcting, and
+explaining the errors of their pupils' exercises. At the period now
+spoken of, the school consisted of six hundred and twenty boys,
+probably the greatest number it had hitherto attained. Each master's
+house is generally filled with boarders.</p>
+
+<p>The "dames" are boarding-houses, mostly kept by clergymen's widows, or
+widows of some sort; there are also about thirteen of these.</p>
+
+<p>Assistant masters are professors of French, mathematics, writing, and
+dancing; but they are altogether independent of the college, and are
+taken or not at the will of the parents.</p>
+
+<p>There is another class of assistant masters, and these are the Cads.
+They are the professors of shooting, rowing, and cricket, and have
+many pupils. The most leading characters among them were Jack Hall,
+Lary Miller, Pickey Powell, and Jemmy Flowers; <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span>but with regard to the
+latter there existed a slight odium, owing to his religious tenets&mdash;he
+was suspected of Mahometanism. Lary Miller ever asserted his
+conviction, that "Jemmy was a Maho-maiden, having surprised him one
+evening in the Brocas, lying on his stomach, worshipping a very large
+mushroom." Making due allowance for Lary's notorious veracity, and for
+Jemmy Flowers' religious inebriety, still the circumstance of a
+mushroom, and that a large one, flourishing on the Brocas, must ever
+throw a strong air of improbability over this assertion.</p>
+
+<p>There is a holiday on every red-lettered saint's-day in the calendar;
+when this, or no other excuse occurs, it is termed "a regular week,"
+when Tuesday is a whole holiday, Thursday half an one, and Saturday
+three-quarters.</p>
+
+<p>The longest period of time a boy uninterruptedly enjoys to himself may
+be said to comprise two hours, commencing each time at twelve, four,
+and six o'clock, on whole and half holidays; and these periods are
+designated by the never-to-be-forgotten sounds of "after twelve,"
+"after four," and "after six."</p>
+
+<p>"Whole school days" affect this arrangement but little, the difference
+being, that on holidays, they are separated from each other, by
+attendance on absence, and church; and on whole school-days, by
+school-times, of which there <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span>are four, commencing each at eight,
+eleven, three, and five o'clock.</p>
+
+<p>The boys learn all their lessons, and do their exercises, in their own
+rooms, going into school to say or construe them. One school-time
+occupies about three-quarters of an hour.</p>
+
+<p>The whole school is divided into six forms, of which the sixth ranks
+the highest. This, and the fifth form, comprise about half the number
+of boys, for whom the lower half fag. An upper boy may fag a lower one
+to Windsor, or anywhere else.</p>
+
+<p>Though the river be out of bounds, half of the boys dedicate
+themselves to boating during the summer. The extent and main object of
+their expedition is "Surly Hall," a notorious public-house, three
+miles up the river from Windsor Bridge. Surly Hall may be said to be
+appropriated to the Etonians, and here they rest themselves. I never
+recollect one boy guilty of intoxication at this place.</p>
+
+<p>There are two grand aquatic processions every year up to this Surly
+Hall&mdash;on the 4th of June, George the Third's birth-day; and on
+Election Saturday, towards the end of July. They are beautiful
+gala-days, when eight or ten long-boats are rowed by their crews in
+costume, accompanied by a couple of military bands; swarms of nobility
+and gentry come from London to enjoy them, some person of peculiar
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span>rank being "the sitter" in the leading boat; but boating is not
+allowed.</p>
+
+<p>"Montem," so called, perhaps, from the ceremony of a boy flourishing a
+flag on a small mount, occurs every third year, when the upper boys
+are dressed as officers, and the fags, resembling sailors, in white
+trowsers and blue jackets. Thus they are obliged to expose themselves
+to a multitude, while they walk to Salt Hill, where they dine. As an
+Eton boy, I have witnessed four Montems, and could never think of each
+but as a ridiculous, tedious, and detestable performance; the only
+good resulting is, that the captain of the collegers receives several
+hundreds of pounds, which are collected from the crowd by other
+collegers in fancy dresses, and denominated "salt-bearers," and
+"runners," who dun high and low for "salt."</p>
+
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<a name="CHAPTER_II" id="CHAPTER_II"></a><hr />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span><br />
+
+<h3>CHAPTER II.<span class="totoc"><a href="#toc">ToC</a></span></h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>"How old are you, Graham?" asked my future tutor.</p>
+
+<p>"Nine, if you please, sir."</p>
+
+<p>"Can you do sense-verses?"</p>
+
+<p>"No, sir, only nonsense ones."</p>
+
+<p>"Well, you are placed in the upper Greek; be in eight-o'clock-school
+to-morrow. Graham," calling me back, "take this order to the
+book-seller, and he will give you the requisite school-books. It is
+Greek grammar in the morning; get a boy to show you where the lesson
+is. You may go."</p>
+
+<p>So soon as I had procured the books, I peeped into the Greek grammar,
+which struck me as being an interesting-looking book, for hitherto, I
+had never even seen a Greek letter. I went to my Dames, where I found
+Tyrrel <i>ma</i>, and Kennedy, who shared my room, playing at battledore.</p>
+
+<p>"You don't care for the row, Graham, do you?" asked Tyrrel, after they
+had played half an hour, and observing that I looked a little
+puzzled.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span>"Oh, that makes no difference," I sighed, "but this Greek is such odd
+stuff, and I don't know a letter in the alphabet except the four first
+ones. Can you give us a help?"</p>
+
+<p>After a lengthened debate among us, the only apparent chance for me
+was, that the lesson should be written out in English letters, so that
+when I repeated it, I should appear to know my lesson. This, Tyrrel
+good-naturedly effected for me.</p>
+
+<p>At eight o'clock, then, the next morning, in due routine, I approached
+the master in his desk, under the same superstitious awe as poor
+Friday, when he cowered before the august Crusoe. I would not have
+failed in my performance for worlds, and now entered the desk resolved
+on acquitting myself to perfection.</p>
+
+<p>My ardour was not slightly damped when, on uttering a few words, the
+master, with a frown, demanded why I had not commenced where the
+previous boy had left off.</p>
+
+<p>"I thought, sir, that I was to begin at the beginning."</p>
+
+<p>"What business have you to think?"</p>
+
+<p>Commencing, then, as he directed me, I had no sooner recited four
+lines, than he ordered me to "go."</p>
+
+<p>"That's not all, if you please, sir."</p>
+
+<p>"It's quite enough for me; go."</p>
+
+<p>So I went, under the painful suspicion <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span>that I had failed, and was to
+be punished accordingly. I was not yet aware that the succeeding boy
+went on with the lesson where his predecessor had left off; and when
+he had said his three or four lines, he likewise was dismissed, and so
+on&mdash;it being taken for granted, that the boy knew the remainder of the
+task; but this extreme innocence of mine, when I informed the master
+that I had not accomplished the whole lesson, is not a little amusing,
+when compared to my future career, was it not for the remorse a man of
+crime might feel when he reverts his thoughts to a time ere he had
+transgressed. At that time I should have acted similarly under every
+circumstance; I intended well.</p>
+
+<p>"Now let us go to breakfast," said Kennedy, as I returned to the room.</p>
+
+<p>"Will you fellows get it ready, and make the tea," asked Tyrrel,
+"while I go and lay breakfast for my master?" Kennedy and myself were
+as yet exempt from that duty for a fortnight, which is the privilege
+granted to each new comer.</p>
+
+<p>"What a lucky fellow I am," said Tyrrel, on his return, "to have you
+two in my mess, with your new set of tea-things, and a double set,
+too! If we manage well, they'll last us easily to the holidays. Till
+you came, I was obliged to slip into other fellows' rooms, and sharp
+a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span>cup of tea. Now, let us regularly lock up everything in my
+cupboard, for it's quite empty; how comfortable we shall be; and your
+pictures, Kennedy, make the room look so nice!"</p>
+
+<p>"And what beautiful frames they have!" I observed.</p>
+
+<p>"The frames and glasses," replied Kennedy, "were a present for those
+views about home, which a sister sketched for me."</p>
+
+<p>"What shall we do after twelve?" asked Tyrrel.</p>
+
+<p>"Can't we go out in a boat?"</p>
+
+<p>It was soon arranged that Kennedy and Tyrrel should play at cricket,
+and that I should stay in to work at my Greek, of which another lesson
+occurred at five-o'clock-school. At two o'clock, the trio met at
+dinner; after which we proceeded to our room, where, soon as we
+entered, Kennedy beheld each of his drawings rifled of their glasses,
+which lay shivered to pieces beneath them on the floor.</p>
+
+<p>Gregory <i>mi</i> had, in an unlucky moment, lounged into the room with a
+little cross-bow, and had practised his skill on each in succession.</p>
+
+<p>"Never mind, Kennedy," said Tyrrel, "they must have been broken one
+time or another."</p>
+
+<p>I now proceeded unwarily enough to the cloisters, where I thought I
+might puzzle out my hieroglyphical task more in quiet.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span>"I say, my little man, you must come and bowl to me."</p>
+
+<p>"I've got my lesson to learn," I replied.</p>
+
+<p>"When do you say it?" inquired the fifth-form boy; and finding that it
+was not required till five o'clock, and discrediting my singular
+difficulty, which I stated to him, he at once took me away,
+notwithstanding that, as a saving clause, I asserted the privilege due
+to a boy's first fortnight, but which, I was now told, should not
+avail me for having told such a falsehood about the lesson. In the
+following schooltime I was, of course, "put in the bill," but was not
+flogged, in consequence of pleading my "first fault," another and too
+fleeting privilege of a new boy.</p>
+
+<p>On returning to my room in the evening, I found my two friends looking
+unutterable things, while around them lay, "like leaves in wint'ry
+weather," the fragments of our prided crockery ware!</p>
+
+<p>In our absence, a boy, well knowing what he was about, had come to the
+cupboard to sharp some tea-things, but finding, to his disappointment,
+that it was locked, he was yet determined that we should not escape
+him. The whole was unfortunately suspended, by a bit of rope, to a
+large nail in the wall; this, then, he had maliciously cut, and the
+result had proved fatal to the whole "double set of tea-things," with
+the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span>exception of a pewter salt-cellar. "Well, they must have been
+broken, one time or another," archly remarked Kennedy.</p>
+
+<p>A very few days had elapsed before I had become a genuine Etonian,
+which a boy is never accounted until he has been once flogged.
+Notwithstanding my respect of that honourable title, I was still very
+unwilling to purchase it so dearly. I had an inclination for forming my
+own opinion upon matters, somewhat independently of others; and though,
+in the lower part of the school, to be put in the bill, and suffer
+accordingly, carried with it anything but a reflection towards the
+subject of it, still, for reasons of my own, I concluded that it would
+be far more respectable to act otherwise. This, then, with me, was not
+merely an opinion&mdash;it became a principle, and one which, unfortunately,
+I was most anxious to preserve inviolate&mdash;unfortunately, because it
+must inevitably be outraged. Even under the most favourable
+circumstances, owing to my ignorance of its rudiments, I was sensible
+that I must frequently fail in my Greek tasks; what chance, then, had
+I, constantly thwarted in my endeavours to avoid this, by hourly and
+capricious fagging?</p>
+
+<p>This, then, weighed upon my mind in no slight degree, for though
+exposed, from an early period, "to rough it" more than was common, the
+sensitiveness of a boy's disposition will be <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span>anything but deadened in
+consequence, so long as he thinks for himself, and forms his own line
+of right and wrong, though perhaps it schools him precociously to
+conceal what his associates may deem to be his weaknesses, though
+probably his better traits of character, should he be blessed with
+such. This tendency was not likely to be diminished by the following
+incident:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>From the moment I first left my home, which was at an early period,
+the little religious instruction I might have received from my nurse
+was abandoned, and never even reflected on for a moment, till within a
+short time of my departure for Eton, when, by some chance train of
+thought, I became sensible that I knew not a single prayer&mdash;at least
+perfectly. I was well aware that other boys did, though many neglected
+them. To supply this my deficiency, I henceforth never failed to offer
+up, each morning and evening, extemporary ones, and which, though
+puerilely adapted to little impressions or wants, yet flowed the more
+truly from the heart, and cherished an affectionate, and therefore,
+truly religious feeling, towards my Almighty Father.</p>
+
+<p>One morning I was awakened by the clock striking the hour in which I
+should have been in school, when, instantly dressing myself, I harried
+away, and on returning to my room, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span>was kneeling at a chair, when I
+was interrupted by the dreaded vociferation of "lower boy!"</p>
+
+<p>Though knowing the consequences, should I be discovered, I never for a
+moment wavered as to the course I should adopt, but continued
+deliberately at my accustomed devotions. As I was thus occupied, the
+fifth-form boy entered my room to learn my reason for neglecting his
+summons, and was for a moment startled when he discovered in what
+manner I was employed; but, without further hesitation or compunction,
+taking me by the collar, he inflicted a blow as a punishment for my
+presumption. This was a little too much, so instantly springing at
+him, and taking him unawares, for a moment I actually beat my tyrant
+off, when Kennedy accidentally presenting himself at the door, at once
+ranged himself by my side. This made the pitiful fellow pause, and
+finding that, though so immeasurably his juniors, we were resolute, he
+prudently informed us, that so soon as we had procured the captain's
+permission to fight with him, he would comply; this formality existing
+on a feud arising between an upper and lower boy. On inquiring into
+the case, the captain refused his consent, but added a severe threat
+towards my aggressor.</p>
+
+<p>Insignificant as they appear, these incidents had lasting effects on
+me. With regard to the first, I at once resigned myself in despair to
+the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span>bitterness of a disappointed, and almost a broken spirit; and, so
+far as all scholastic duties were concerned, I henceforth adopted a
+reckless, heedless course, except that I pursued it doggedly and
+systematically.</p>
+
+<p>As to my religious duties, I was considerably embarrassed, and that,
+because I bestowed some attention upon them; had I not, I should have
+been as easy in this respect as most other boys. However, after no
+little examination into the subject, and, by-the-bye, confusion, I
+came to the resolution of guiding myself as well as I could by what
+little knowledge I might possess; and unspiritual as this reliance on
+my own efforts evidently was, I, in unison with it, farther resolved,
+that should I omit what I knew to be right, I would refrain, at all
+events, from that which I judged to be wrong&mdash;and I do not see what I
+could have done more.</p>
+
+<p>To assist, or prevent me in my resolution, things were nearly
+balanced. No boy had been more completely exposed to the chance of
+circumstance, and, in consequence, to the unbiassed sway of my natural
+disposition, which was restless in the extreme. For this there is no
+alternative&mdash;for good or bad, work it will, and in such a case
+idleness is indeed the root of all evil.</p>
+
+<p>To save me from, or rather to diminish this danger, I was <i>at that
+time</i> imbued, in no trifling <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span>degree, with benevolence and candour;
+and I was free, also, of two qualities which I have since acquired,
+for they are appendages as common to our natures as are our limbs to
+our bodies. I was devoid of selfishness and prejudice; and as society
+is constituted, one commences life with a bad start, destitute of such
+accomplishments.</p>
+
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<a name="CHAPTER_III" id="CHAPTER_III"></a><hr />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span><br />
+
+<h3>CHAPTER III<span class="totoc"><a href="#toc">ToC</a></span></h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Of the seven days in the week, probably more flogging occurs on Friday
+than during all the others put together. On the unfortunate, the
+shuffling, and the dense, the effect of this day's ordeal has ever
+proved to be most searching. On Thursday, then, towards the conclusion
+of eleven o'clock school, the boys were not a little delighted, when
+Keate, closing the book, informed them that an hour since he had been
+honoured with a request from his Majesty that the morrow might be
+converted into a whole holiday, and that they should be indulged
+accordingly. It need hardly be stated with what yells of ecstasy this
+announcement was received, as we rushed from our seats, lightened of
+the sombre dread of "Friday's business."</p>
+
+<p>In the evening, I was summoned to the tea-table of Gregory, my
+puissant master, to account, if I could, for my presumptuous absence
+at a time when every fag's presence was so imperatively required. On
+my appearance, my fellow-fag was astonished at the air of confidence
+with which I advanced towards the table, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span>guilty of such a heinous
+omission. My master, for some seconds, regarded me with a stern and
+savage aspect.</p>
+
+<p>"You little rascal," at length he exclaimed, his voice deepening under
+the effects of rage soon to be amply gratified, "you've been toasting
+these muffins with the snuffers!" At the same time he confidently
+pointed out to me, with savage delight, the single and blackened mark
+occasioned by such an unorthodox implement. This was not what I was
+prepared for, and the circumstance was, alas, but too evident, and the
+palms of my hands were immediately tingling under the strokes of my
+master's hair-brush.</p>
+
+<p>"And now," said he, pausing for a moment, "I am going to give you
+another licking for not being here in time."</p>
+
+<p>"No," I exclaimed, "you have excused me a fortnight's fagging; at
+least, you said yesterday that you would, should I ask the King for a
+holiday to-morrow."</p>
+
+<p>This was the truth, and so, in an unguarded moment, he had expressed
+himself; but being, at the least, as anxious for a holiday as he was,
+and sighing for a fortnight's emancipation from slavery, I had
+determined to take him at his word, and obey him to the letter. In a
+spirit, then, of excessive innocence, or impudence&mdash;I think the
+former, though I may have since <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span>exchanged it for the latter&mdash;I had
+started off for the cottage in Windsor Park, where the King was then
+residing, and had actually gained admittance without interruption from
+any one, though I was now accosted by a gentleman who demanded the
+purport of my visit. I replied that I had come up to ask the King to
+get us a holiday for Friday. Upon this, he informed me that it was not
+usual for strangers to see his Majesty while resident at the cottage,
+and that I had better wait until his Majesty returned to the Castle;
+and then he kindly walked back with me towards the garden, through
+which I had previously passed, and there left me. Here I met
+Jerningham walking with his mother, whom I acquainted with the object
+of my interview with the Duke of Dorset, as he proved to be. This
+happened to be a very fortunate rencontre for me, as Lady Jerningham
+eventually turned out to be my "friend at court," and had seconded my
+petition with success.</p>
+
+<p>As the next day was a holiday entirely originating with myself, I
+concluded that I had a right to make the most of it, and enjoy it in
+my own way. Under this impression, Kennedy and I started at seven that
+morning, towards Perch-hole, where Lary Miller was to meet us with a
+punt and casting-net, and we were to fish our way down the river,
+towards Datchet. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[26]</a></span>While awaiting him at the water's edge, among other
+inventions to amuse ourselves, Kennedy thoughtlessly snatching off my
+hat, set it floating on the water; so taking him by the collar, ere I
+had time to reflect, I swung him well into Perch-hole. The moment he
+scrambled out, there seemed to be no doubt on either side as to what
+was to be done. Indeed, it would be impossible to say which of us
+struck the first blow, though the question with us now was, who was to
+give the last. Perhaps any other boys, as soon as the first burst of
+passion had exploded, would have deferred the contest to another
+opportunity, when each might be attended by his second; but Kennedy
+breathed nothing but immediate retaliation, and probably he might wish
+to exercise himself after his immersion. I also preferred the present
+time, as, on giving the subject a momentary consideration, during the
+early period of the fight, it struck me as being most repugnant and
+ungrateful to my feelings, to meet my greatest friend in cool blood,
+to see which could batter the other the most, and that, too, only to
+glut the sight of hundreds.</p>
+
+<p>In general, each battle at Eton is conducted with all the etiquette
+incidental to the prize-ring, under the latest regulations of the
+Birmingham Youth, or White-headed Bob. Indeed, one would here conclude
+that it was impossible <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span>to contend without a ring, seconds, and
+time-keeper. Notwithstanding the deficiency of these desiderata, we
+weaved merrily away for nearly an hour, during which period, perhaps
+from being the lightest, I was prostrated three times, which therefore
+divided the contest into but three stages or rounds, during which time
+each rested on the grass, and conscientiously recommenced our
+operations, the instant we imagined that the half-minute had expired.</p>
+
+<p>The clock now struck a quarter-past nine, when we were reminded, that
+should we fight on, each would be well flogged for disregard of
+absence; and as our occupation was barely worth the penalty, we at
+once put on our jackets, and departed in silence, to answer to our
+names, while, as a matter of course, we were to finish the battle
+after twelve, for my holiday afforded us ample time.</p>
+
+<p>This morning, therefore, for the first time, we breakfasted in
+different rooms. Each now commenced this repast with feelings far from
+cheerful. The anger of the moment having passed away, there remained
+no sense of enmity between us; and yet, in an hour or two, we were to
+meet again, like a couple of dogs, and mangle each other as we best
+might.</p>
+
+<p>Kennedy could not but feel that he was not only the strongest, but had
+actually been more prevalent in the contest than myself; nor did <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span>he,
+on this account, congratulate himself, when he reflected that the
+appointed hour was fast approaching when he must do his best to thrash
+me still more. The sole thought that weighed on my mind, was that of
+having quarrelled with a fellow whom I liked far beyond myself. At
+this moment the door opened, and Kennedy, placing his rolls and butter
+on the table, stretched his hand across it towards me, and the next,
+we were sipping our tea together out of the pewter salt-cellar, with
+no farther traces of enmity, save the three unequivocal black eyes we
+retained between us.</p>
+
+<p>This subject reminds me of a very melancholy one which I witnessed
+several years afterwards; and as I have heard it discussed so
+frequently, and so erroneously, I cannot help wishing, if possible, to
+give a concise and true statement of the case. In the instance alluded
+to, the contest might be said to have terminated with no unusual
+consequences, for the clock had struck the hour in which it was
+imperative for every one of us to be in his dames for the night, and
+the combatants were in the act of putting on their coats, and all
+would have been well, had not a voice, which I distinctly recollect,
+exclaimed, "One more round!" Whichever had now declined would have
+been considered as vanquished: they closed, struggled for the fall,
+and the fall was fatal. The sole <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span>cause of this miserable catastrophe
+was that voice of a mere bystander, and of this he must be as sensible
+as I am. I know not who he may be, nor do I envy him his secret.</p>
+
+<p>It was now getting towards the latter end of July, and I had been an
+Etonian nearly three months. During this time I had experienced a fair
+average of fighting, bullying, fagging, and flogging, and had also
+acquired some useful accomplishments. I could paddle my skiff up to
+Surly Hall and back, swim across the river at Upper Hope, and had even
+begun to get in debt, having some weeks ago "gone tick" with Joe Hyde
+for a couple of bottles of ginger-beer, with the proviso of returning
+them when empty, but which, it must be confessed, were still lying at
+the bottom of Deadman's Hole, for the farther improvement of my
+diving.</p>
+
+<p>Having just been disappointed in my endeavours to procure a boat at
+Hester's, I was returning towards my dames about the middle of
+after-six, totally at a loss for amusement. Every other boy was now
+eagerly employed on the river, or at cricket, and the whole college
+was silent and deserted. As I strolled listlessly along, I observed a
+funeral slowly issuing from the church-door on its way to the
+burial-ground. Singular to say, this was the first instance of death's
+doing on a fellow-being I had yet witnessed. On its approach, I seated
+myself on <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</a></span>the Long-walk wall, and watched the coffin and its
+noiseless followers, as they glided slowly before me. So soon as all
+had passed, I quietly slid down from my seat, and accompanied the
+procession at a little distance.</p>
+
+<p>While we are young, we are not only moved more easily, but doubt not
+that every person else feels as sincerely. Under this impression, I
+accompanied the corpse towards its grave, touched with a sort of pity
+for the mourners, and sobered by a deep and respectful sympathy.</p>
+
+<p>As I stood by the brink of the grave, I could not but feel a soothing
+comfort and hope under our affliction, so beautifully held out to us
+by the spirit of "the service of the dead;" and I even entertained an
+affection for the clergyman who officiated. But when I witnessed the
+lowering of the coffin to its future resting-place&mdash;heard the soft
+crumbling of the churchyard soil, as it dropped from the grasp of the
+sexton on the below-sounding coffin, down below&mdash;the anguished but
+stifled moan of the childless father, who had apparently expended his
+hard-got earnings for the interment of his child&mdash;I not only repassed
+the gates considerably affected, but overpowered with an indescribable
+dread of impending death. I was now possessed with a servile love of
+God, arising from fear; an anxiety to please and obey him, to an
+infinite degree. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span>Alas! even at this early age, how worldly-minded,
+how pitiful, can be our motives!</p>
+
+<p>I now determined within myself, as resolutely as presumptuously, to
+"go and sin no more;" and to that effect, that very evening, dived to
+the bottom of Deadman's Hole, and returned to Joe Hyde his horribly
+portentous bottles.</p>
+
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<a name="CHAPTER_IV" id="CHAPTER_IV"></a><hr />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span><br />
+
+<h3>CHAPTER IV.<span class="totoc"><a href="#toc">ToC</a></span></h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>A few weeks previous to the holidays, "the old Queen" gave a
+magnificent <i>f&ecirc;te</i> at Frogmore, when, to form a prominent feature in
+the day's amusements, her favourites, the Etonians, were invited to
+play a cricket-match, for which a beautiful space of lawn had already
+been most good-naturedly prepared.</p>
+
+<p>I think the first approach to royalty must ever be most interesting to
+boys, at least it was deeply so to me on this day; for when I observed
+the wide-swelling lawns, the broad groves, and glassy lakes of this
+little paradise; the Queen, with the princesses and royal suite, as
+they glided over the turf in a train of pony-carriages, lined and
+shining with the richest satins; the splendid and gaudy clusters of
+marquees, glittering in all the pride of Tippoo's eastern
+magnificence, from whom they had been rifled, with their bright
+crescents blazing in the sunbeams&mdash;I found all the lovely and dearly
+remembered fancies, conjured before my infant imagination by the
+nursery tale, at once placed in delightful reality before me.</p>
+
+<p>Towards the evening, I had rambled, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[33]</a></span>considerably fatigued with the
+restless pleasures of the day, into the most secluded parts of the
+shrubberies, and was resting on a seat, listening to the notes of a
+bugle band in the distance, when they were interrupted by the steps of
+some one passing quickly along the gravel walk towards me, and the
+next moment I saw a girl approaching the gate in front of me. I
+instantly rose and opened it for her; but as she passed, the little
+girl, after a slight hesitation, inquired with an expression of some
+anxiety if I had seen her father, Sir George Curzon.</p>
+
+<p>"I do not know your father by sight," I answered, "and fear you will
+hardly meet with him here; for I have been more than half an hour on
+this seat, and have seen no one at all."</p>
+
+<p>"I declare," she sighed, "I do not know how I shall find him, and I am
+quite tired, too! But will you, if you please, tell me the way towards
+the palace&mdash;I should be much obliged to you?"</p>
+
+<p>"As well as I can," I answered; "but would it not be better that I ran
+and inquired for your father, and brought him here, for then, in the
+meanwhile, as you are tired, you can rest yourself on this bench?"</p>
+
+<p>"You are very good-natured," replied Miss Curzon, as she sat down;
+"but if you will only wait until I have rested for a minute, perhaps
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[34]</a></span>you will go with me towards the palace, for I don't like being here
+quite alone."</p>
+
+<p>I now perceived that the poor little girl had been crying.</p>
+
+<p>"But why are you here by yourself?" she added, the next moment; "have
+you lost your way too? But sit down, there is room for both." And she
+looked up so kindly, while her beautiful little hand, contrasting with
+the rough bench, pressed it to enforce her request.</p>
+
+<p>How happy was I to obey her, and yet how painfully confused! In a
+word, I was out of my element, this being my very first rencontre with
+one of the softer sex; for which reason, though so many years have
+since passed away, I cannot help reciting and recollecting it as an
+occurrence of yesterday.</p>
+
+<p>"Are you not an Eton boy?" demanded Miss Curzon.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes; but I have been one only for a few months."</p>
+
+<p>"Papa says that Frederic shall be sent to Eton, by and bye," she
+replied, rather abstractedly.</p>
+
+<p>"Perhaps, then," I answered, "I shall know him&mdash;at least, I hope I
+may."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, it will be a long while before he joins you, for he is quite
+little yet; and then, you know, he must be your fag, instead of your
+friend."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</a></span>"I shall never fag a brother of yours," I answered.</p>
+
+<p>"May I ask you some questions about this horrid fagging?" demanded
+Miss Curzon, and turning towards me.</p>
+
+<p>"Of course," said I; "as many as you please."</p>
+
+<p>"Have you got what they call a master?"</p>
+
+<p>"Certainly; every lower boy must have one."</p>
+
+<p>"What do you do for him?"</p>
+
+<p>"Lay his breakfast and tea-things every day, and make his toast."</p>
+
+<p>"Anything else?"</p>
+
+<p>"Whatever he chooses."</p>
+
+<p>"And if you did not choose to do it?"</p>
+
+<p>"I should get a good thrashing; or, in other words, Miss Curzon, get a
+good licking."</p>
+
+<p>After a brief silence, she resumed her questions.</p>
+
+<p>"As you have been so short a time at Eton, I suppose you have not yet
+been punished?"</p>
+
+<p>"O yes, many times. I got a capital flogging yesterday."</p>
+
+<p>"Will you tell me what you were flogged for?"</p>
+
+<p>"For eating in church."</p>
+
+<p>"And what could make you do that?"</p>
+
+<p>"I had been fagging all the morning, Miss Curzon; and having no time
+for breakfast, I <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</a></span>went into church with my rolls in my pocket, and one
+of the masters saw me eating them."</p>
+
+<p>"You have quite frightened me for poor little Frederic!"</p>
+
+<p>"Perhaps he will be more fortunate," I replied; "so I must even wish,
+as you said just now, that he may indeed be my fag, for then he can
+breakfast with me every morning."</p>
+
+<p>"I declare I will ask papa to place him under your care if you will
+let me?"</p>
+
+<p>"You cannot know, Miss Curzon, how obliged I feel to you for thinking
+that I would take care of your brother; and depend upon it, I will."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," said the little lady, looking stedfastly in my face, "I feel
+quite certain you would. But," she added, as her own brightened with a
+smile, "you must now fulfil your first promise to me, and find my
+father, for I am so tired, I must rest here a little longer."</p>
+
+<p>"Very well," I replied; "but how I should like to talk with you here
+all night! Do not go away until I return."</p>
+
+<p>I now hurried away in search of her father, who, after many inquiries,
+was pointed out to me by Chrichton, though in a very inaccessible
+position; for he was standing with other important personages, among
+whom I could discern the Duke, by the side of her Majesty's
+poney-phaeton.</p>
+
+<p>"Do, Chrichton," I begged&mdash;"do go up to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</a></span>Sir George Curzon for me; you
+are more used to that sort of thing than I."</p>
+
+<p>All my eloquence being thrown away upon him, and on that instant
+thinking of my little lady in the grove, I walked towards the group
+with my hat in my hand, without further hesitation.</p>
+
+<p>"If you please, Sir George Curzon, there is a young lady in the
+shrubberies who wants you."</p>
+
+<p>"I think, young sir," replied Sir George, "you must make a mistake."</p>
+
+<p>"No, sir. She has lost you, she says; it is Miss Curzon."</p>
+
+<p>"Dear me! I thought she had been all this while with her aunt. Where
+is she?"</p>
+
+<p>"A little beyond that temple on the hill, there," I replied, pointing
+with my hat.</p>
+
+<p>"You need hardly go all that way yourself," said the Duke, observing
+Sir George about to follow me; "the boy can show her here very well."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, Sir George," added her Majesty; "let the little boy run and
+bring her."</p>
+
+<p>"Well, then, my little gentleman," asked Sir George, "may I ask you to
+do so?"</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, yes, Sir," I replied, and I was off on my way towards her in a
+moment.</p>
+
+<p>"I have found your father. Miss Curzon," said I on my return, "and he
+has asked me to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[38]</a></span>lead you to him. I hope I have not been long."</p>
+
+<p>"I am sorry you should have had so much trouble," she answered, as she
+took my arm; "but we must now make haste, for it is getting quite
+late, and I know papa wishes to go part of the way home to-night."</p>
+
+<p>"Do you live far from here, then?" I rather pointedly inquired.</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, yes&mdash;I don't know how many miles&mdash;all the way down in Cheshire;
+we took this place in our road from town."</p>
+
+<p>"Well, then, Miss Curzon," I said, as we approached her father, "I
+wonder if ever we shall meet again! You cannot think how I hope we
+may; but now good bye, and&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"You need not leave me quite yet," she replied, interrupting me; "come
+a little further with me&mdash;what were you going to say?"</p>
+
+<p>"Though I may never see you more, nobody will ever be so glad to hear
+that you are happy as I; for I would sooner see you so than any person
+I know."</p>
+
+<p>"Thank you, thank you," she replied, rather earnestly, "and I hope we
+shall be able&mdash;indeed, I am certain I shall see you again somewhere&mdash;I
+will not," she added, as we approached the circle, "I will not, if you
+please, keep your arm before them. Good bye, then; <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[39]</a></span>I shall hear of
+you, at all events, from my brother."</p>
+
+<p>She then left me, while I reluctantly directed my steps towards the
+college, which now appeared unwelcome and obtrusive. She was so
+different to everything I had hitherto experienced!&mdash;so gentle and
+kind&mdash;so unassuming, and yet so lovely&mdash;and now to be torn away and
+severed from such a person! That night I attempted to console myself
+in the following effusion; and as they are the first and last lines of
+which I was ever guilty, shall be here inserted; for though the
+versification is by no means faultless, they were true to my feelings
+at the time:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">When 'midst the deepest gloom of night,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">While all is still and lone,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">A heavenly meteor flashes bright,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">But floats away as soon;<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Does not the bosom of the moor<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Seem doubly dark and drear,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Frowning still sterner than before<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Did that false light appear!<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">So, lady, have you crossed my way,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Brighter than cloudless morn&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">So o'er this heart thy piercing ray.<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Gleamed&mdash;and thou art gone!<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<a name="CHAPTER_V" id="CHAPTER_V"></a><hr />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[40]</a></span><br />
+
+<h3>CHAPTER V.<span class="totoc"><a href="#toc">ToC</a></span></h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>My first half-year as an Etonian had now expired. Brief as it was, it
+has been to me the most portentous period of my existence. I sometimes
+feel that my fate, here and hereafter, has hinged upon it&mdash;this world
+is globular for the same reason that a woman's tear is. Are we the
+creatures of the merest chance, or of eternal predestination through
+all time, if there be such a thing as time at all? The question is
+idle; for as we have never yet solved it, I begin to think we never
+shall. The Almighty has willed this obscurity, and therefore it is for
+the best.</p>
+
+<p>I sensitively felt that I was launched amid the crowd of a bustling
+world, to steer and shift for myself as I best might. Like other boys,
+I had a tutor; but, though a thoroughly conscientious man, he was
+worse than useless; for he was to be practised on with such facility,
+that I, with his other pupils, imposed upon him as we chose.</p>
+
+<p>When I returned for the holidays to the paternal roof, it was only to
+be fagged by my elder brethren; for here the fagging system, I <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[41]</a></span>regret
+to say, was not only tolerated, but carried out to its most deplorable
+extreme.</p>
+
+<p>Ever distant then in our days of boyhood, and that, too, while under
+the same roof, now that the casualties of after-life have dispersed
+us, we are become, to all intents and purposes, entire strangers one
+towards the other.</p>
+
+<p>As to my father, he was, of course, wholly engaged in the cares of
+providing for so large and expensive a family; and though a man, I am
+persuaded, of strong and ardent affection for his children, I can
+barely say that I was acquainted with him.</p>
+
+<p>Accustomed to this sort of distant intercourse from my infancy, I was
+desirous of no other, until the following occasion, which happened a
+year or two subsequent to the present time.</p>
+
+<p>I had been engaged in rather an arduous expedition, and, in
+consequence, was laid up a day or two afterwards with a fever, and in
+considerable danger of my life. As soon as I could be removed, I was
+sent to my father's house. In the evening, as we ranged ourselves
+round the fire, the rest of the family, from prudential motives,
+removed themselves to a distance. My father drew my chair towards his
+own, asserting that in illness one should not desert the other.</p>
+
+<p>By the time that I returned home, I had moreover become a confirmed
+"shuffler."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[42]</a></span>This word bears, indeed, an ominous insinuation; but at Eton it is not
+so disreputable as it sounds. The shuffler ever employs what ingenuity
+he may be gifted with, in contriving how he may do as little in
+school, and as much out of it, with the least possible flogging; and
+it is astonishing to what a nicety this calculation can be reduced,
+and to what a degree of perfection a boy's powers for it may be
+brought, by constant and careful cultivation.</p>
+
+<p>Yet I was, I think, far from being an idle boy. I neglected my
+studies, not to become listless and unemployed, but that I might earn
+more time for other, and, as most persons would think, less edifying
+pursuits, and was therefore invariably devoted to cricket, rowing, and
+foot-ball matches.</p>
+
+<p>This, then, was the good or ill effect which resulted from the chance
+of circumstance. My father had at once concluded, that send a boy to
+Eton, pay the yearly bills, and his education was infallibly insured.</p>
+
+<p>From the moment that I entered the college, I had been carelessly
+placed far above my acquirements; and constant flogging was
+inevitable, for a year or two at least, until, perhaps, by close
+application, I had made myself equal to my daily tasks. But this was a
+prospect by far too distant to be entertained by a boy of nine years
+old; for it is the ambition of a boy <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[43]</a></span>not to be flogged at all&mdash;not as
+little as possible.</p>
+
+<p>An objection to sending a boy early to Eton is, that should he have
+the hardihood to brave frequent punishment, he may be very nearly as
+idle as he pleases; and at this early age, too, he has not the sense
+to apply himself to study of his own will, and that, too, while
+surrounded by so many temptations to the contrary.</p>
+
+<p>One flogging, without the slightest stigma attaching to it, or
+reprimand, is the certain penalty of failure in his task. With
+hardihood or without it, I then had no chance, though, at all events,
+I acquired it, and that too, to such a degree, and I deemed the
+penalty so trivial, that I henceforth enjoyed a delightful sense of
+freedom and independence in its way.</p>
+
+<p>If I bestowed a thought on the subject at all, it was to be flogged
+not more than once in a day, if I could conveniently do otherwise.</p>
+
+<p>Yet, in an irrational mood, I would read&mdash;I would frequently steal off
+to some quiet spot in the neighbourhood, and employ myself in various
+histories, of which reading I was always very fond. My favourite
+retreat was up in an old pollarded willow-tree, secure from fagging,
+and therefore enjoying the distant voices in the playing-fields,
+delightfully contrasting with the quiet splash of the trout leaping in
+the river beneath me.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[44]</a></span>Thus I obtained a respectably accurate knowledge of the Roman,
+Grecian, and English histories, and a somewhat precocious insight too
+of the characters of their various and prominent actors.</p>
+
+<p>As for the heroes of the fabulous ages, I was completely conversant
+with each of their circumstances, and for this reason. I must
+acknowledge, that, as the hour approached for punishment, I was apt to
+be troubled in mind, similarly to a patient about to undergo a
+disagreeable operation; but no sooner had I opened Lempriere's
+classical dictionary, than every unpleasing anticipation was
+dissolved, and I became totally unconscious of vulgar realities, and
+absorbed in its poetical but unequivocal immorality.</p>
+
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<a name="CHAPTER_VI" id="CHAPTER_VI"></a><hr />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[45]</a></span><br />
+
+<h3>CHAPTER VI.<span class="totoc"><a href="#toc">ToC</a></span></h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>In spite of the ingenuity I expended, in order to imbibe as small a
+quantity of Latin and Greek as was possible, and of the number of
+persons, whom I have so frequently heard declaiming against the
+exclusive attention paid to their attainment, and with whom, during my
+pupillage, I entirely coincided, I cannot help smiling at the extent
+to which I have since <i>ratted</i> in this respect. Now that I am no
+longer forced to profit by such studies, I have arrived at the
+conviction of their necessity. If a knowledge of our own language be
+desirable, they afford the only means of understanding the true import
+of the words which constitute it; and when, at times, I have
+sufficient diffidence to suspect my own capabilities of forming a
+correct opinion in the matter, and examine into that of others, I have
+to acknowledge, not only that the advocates of the dead languages are
+the most competent judges, but that the persons who oppose them the
+most strenuously, are invariably those who are the least conversant
+with them; while the former, again, are rarely heard to regret the
+time expended in <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[46]</a></span>their acquirements; while what superior though
+uneducated man, but has deplored his ignorance of them, and his want
+of opportunity to acquire them?</p>
+
+<p>But I have, of late, arrived at such an extreme as to advocate the
+study to the exclusion of all others, with the exception of modern
+languages. My paradox is this, that which is downright indispensable
+for everyday life, do not teach us; for then, in spite of ourselves,
+we must, in these subjects, become our own instructors. If, in a few
+years after we have left the school, we possess not a respectable
+knowledge of such common, and easily acquired subjects, as arithmetic,
+history, and geography, we alone are culpable; and the more the world
+makes us sensible of our deficiency, the more we deserve it, and the
+sooner we shall set about to apply the remedy. Teach us, then, in
+boyhood, that which we will not, or in this case, perhaps, cannot
+teach ourselves&mdash;a knowledge of the classics.</p>
+
+<p>I sometimes suspect that many persons doubt of their importance, from
+the fact of their being distinguished as the dead languages, while,
+perhaps, they are exactly the only immortal ones&mdash;unchangeable
+throughout all ages in their primitive purity. In an unwary, or
+perhaps charitable moment, I am seized with enthusiastic admiration of
+our forefathers' good taste in so <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[47]</a></span>justly appreciating the beauties of
+ancient literature, though I now and then have a misgiving that it is
+a relic of the cloister, which had no productions of its own to
+compete with them, and its traditional authority has not yet become
+extinct; not that the moderns have produced such works of genius as to
+supersede them, for those of the imagination are not to be accumulated
+to greater perfection, from age to age, like those of science. Indeed
+the works of the ancients, relative to the latter, are now only useful
+as instances of the progress of the human mind; nor could they be
+otherwise, as science is more or less perfect in proportion to the
+ages that have preceded; as it is the last man's knowledge, added to
+that of all his predecessors, or, as Sir John Herschel far better
+expresses it, it "is the knowledge of many, orderly and methodically
+digested and arranged, so as to become attainable by one;" and thus a
+respectable philosopher of the present day may possess more knowledge
+than even such powerful and original minds as those of Confucius or
+Zoroaster, Aristotle or Pythagoras: he is not like the goose I now see
+wading through the mud, and that can't build its nest a jot better
+than the sacred ones of the Capitol could.</p>
+
+<p>With regard to works purely imaginative, perhaps the very converse of
+this will be found <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[48]</a></span>to be the case. The bard of Chios is not
+superseded by those of the Lakes, who, as far as all beauty imparted
+by the force of originality is concerned, even labour under a
+disadvantage, for every author is conscious that a strong memory is a
+dangerous thing, and will interfere with his originality in spite of
+himself.</p>
+
+<p>If then the sublimest soarings of the human imagination conveyed to
+our minds, and clothed in all the beauties of language, are desirable,
+we shall seldom regret the hours we have expended over Homer or
+Virgil, Demosthenes or Cicero.</p>
+
+<p>But although this comparatively exclusive attachment to the classics
+may be Eton's most prominent characteristic, I suspect it to be by no
+means the most important or beneficial one.</p>
+
+<p>The contrast and contact, resulting from the sheer multitude of
+varying dispositions, refined by the gentlemanly tone of character
+indigenous to the college, afford advantages superior to all the rest
+put together.</p>
+
+<p>There are three other prominent features in the economy of Eton, which
+I have touched on in former pages, namely, those of fagging, flogging,
+and attendance in church during the week days.</p>
+
+<p>As regards the two former intellectual characteristics, I must admit
+that I am unusually <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[49]</a></span>obtuse; for although boasting a long and intimate
+acquaintance with both, I have never arrived at any certain conclusion
+as to their good or ill effects, though I have little doubt but that
+they contain a mixture of each, only I am uncertain which may
+preponderate.</p>
+
+<p>The former might be profitable, both to the fagger and the fagged, did
+it not commence and finish at the wrong end; for could a boy be well
+fagged from the age of fourteen to eighteen, he would probably be all
+the better for it, but during this period he is unfortunately the
+despot. Many persons conclude that the system acts beneficially on the
+youthful members of the aristocracy; but I think the same end might be
+attained, and more respectably, by the mere jostling amid the crowd,
+without proceeding to the extremity of subjecting a boy of gentlemanly
+feeling, to the coarse caprices of a tradesman's son. I have myself
+<i>requested</i> the present Marquis of D&mdash;&mdash;e to walk into the
+playing-fields each evening, with a slop-basin in his hand, and milk
+an unusually quiet cow that used to be there; but this office fell to
+his lot, merely from his being the only boy in my dames who knew how
+to milk a cow&mdash;in fact, it was his boast that he could milk a cow
+better than any man in England. Lord C&mdash;&mdash;stl&mdash;&mdash;h too, must well
+remember when a great wild, raw-boned Irish fellow, with a rope round
+his <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[50]</a></span>waist, would throw himself from Lion's Leap into the river, by
+way of learning to swim, while his lordship was appointed to pull him
+out again; but the particular time that I now mean was, when he was
+all but drowned, and vociferating with Hibernian vehemence, "pull, you
+blackguard!" every time his head emerged for a moment from the bottom
+of the river. But whatever effects this levelling process may have in
+youthful days, I suspect that they are by no means permanent, and are
+completely obliterated on leaving the school.</p>
+
+<p>With regard to the punishment of flogging, many persons condemn it, as
+degrading to a boy's character. These same persons would, probably,
+deem it out of place to raise their hats on entering a man's shop, and
+perhaps every one would feel it to be so in England; but in other
+countries, were they not to do so, the shopkeeper, from experience,
+would merely attribute the omission to what he deems an instance of
+ill-breeding, habitual to John Bull; or, when he is not aware of this,
+he will frequently decline to accommodate his customer. I mention this
+instance to show, that what may meet with disapprobation in one place,
+will not do so in another; and thus what to us at a distance, and in
+after years, may appear to be repulsive, may by no means be so
+considered during boyhood. Again, others will say, that it ought <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[51]</a></span>to
+be felt as a disgrace. To this, I can only answer that it never will
+be; for where there are so many boys as at Eton, this mode of
+punishment must frequently be adopted; and as often as it is, so
+certain, from its repetition, will it cease to be considered in that
+light&mdash;it is altogether a necessary evil, which flesh is heir to.
+Should the boy have committed anything unbecoming a gentleman, he is
+invariably and appropriately punished by the manner adopted towards
+him by his own associates, and the feeling of the school in general.
+Let flogging, then, still be tolerated as a mere physical and
+convenient inconvenience&mdash;its effect, too, is but ephemeral, and soon
+becomes lost among the things that were.</p>
+
+<p>Not so will be the effects of frequent attendance in church.
+Concerning these three subjects, perhaps no two persons could be found
+who might entertain similar opinions; therefore, it behoves one to
+advance any decision as regards them with caution and diffidence; but
+if one of them admits of greater certainty of opinion than the others,
+is it not that relative to the frequent occurrence of the church
+service? However the other two subjects may be opposed, some
+advantages may be still held out in extenuation of their practice, but
+I cannot help feeling that this cloying attendance on chapel must be
+altogether pernicious.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[52]</a></span>His religion is not to be flogged or forced into a boy, like so much
+Latin and Greek, or even to be instilled into him by a comparative
+stranger. Until he comes to be able to inquire or think about it for
+himself, the duty of instructing him is exclusively incumbent on his
+parents, or on those who are in more immediate contact with him than
+the tutors of a college can be. The superior and sufficient influence
+of the former, in this respect, may be evidenced by the fact of a
+little Catholic boy whom I knew, duly attending church with the rest
+of us, and afterwards leaving the school, and remaining to this day as
+stanch a Papist as ever entered the confessional.</p>
+
+<p>Out of the six or seven hundred boys present during divine service,
+should only fifty of them have their minds properly disposed, there
+would be something to advance in support of the practice; but that
+even this cannot be urged, I would appeal not only to every old
+Etonian, but to every boy of the present day. With the exception of
+Sunday, to which, of course, I am not now alluding, a boy, in my time,
+would almost as soon think of bringing a cricket-bat into church with
+him as a prayer-book; and if the prayers attracted our attention at
+all, it was but momentarily, and that merely to ascertain whether the
+tedious chaplain had nearly arrived at the conclusion of the service.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[53]</a></span>I assume the nature of boys of the present day to be similar to that
+of boys twenty years ago; and if so, I suspect that all these services
+have added about as much to the growth and strength of their religious
+principles, as the hundred-and-one paternosters and ave-marias
+muttered by a monk of Camaldoli for the last half century.</p>
+
+<p>But was the evil merely negative, one would hesitate to object to
+anything that has been adopted for ages by a foundation so admirably
+conducted as that of Eton, and which has ever worked so well; but an
+additional effect of this compulsory attendance is to induce, by the
+force of early habit, an indifference and callousness of feeling
+during divine service, which but few in after life have the grace to
+overcome. But are the tutors of the College sensible of similar
+effects within themselves? Probably not; for there is little reason
+that they should, inasmuch as they have been preferred to their
+present situations, and carefully selected from a multitude, in
+consequence of their very singularity in this respect.</p>
+
+<p>The promoters of this system seem to be guided, not by how it affects
+the boys, but by how they wish it would. While attending these
+services with appropriate feeling themselves, I suspect that they are
+apt to forget how different was their own conduct on the same
+occasions <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[54]</a></span>in their youth; or if not, they must imagine that the
+rising generation has become far more immaculate than their
+predecessors; "but boys will be boys" to the end of the chapter&mdash;and
+here it is.</p>
+
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<a name="CHAPTER_VII" id="CHAPTER_VII"></a><hr />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[55]</a></span><br />
+
+<h3>CHAPTER VII.<span class="totoc"><a href="#toc">ToC</a></span></h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Six years have now glided away, and my station as an Etonian has
+experienced a still greater revolution. In place of being a fag, I was
+now the puissant "captain of my dames," and had six lower boys of my
+own; but my greatest privilege consisted in being the possessor of
+rather more than three thousand "old copies."</p>
+
+<p>These are the original copies of verses on various subjects which have
+borne the correction of their authors' tutors, and which have been
+reserved and put by, after a fair copy of them has been shown up in
+school.</p>
+
+<p>The collection now in my possession had been, for years, entailed by
+its founder upon the captain of my dames, whoever he might be, for the
+time being. These, then, I enjoyed for four years, and a subject could
+not well be given us, but I possessed it already composed on. True, I
+was once at a loss, when we had to produce verses on the death of
+George III.; but several copies, simply on death, with a dash here and
+there of my own put in to suit the present occasion, sufficiently
+answered the purpose, at <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[56]</a></span>the cost of but very little literary labour.
+One boy, I remember, actually had two old copies on the death of
+George II., of such respectable antiquity was his collection of MSS.</p>
+
+<p>In addition to this inestimable treasure, I had become, by this time,
+flogged into the school routine of business, and could now, with ease,
+perform the requisite and daily tasks, no longer laying in any claim
+to the designation of a shuffler, at least to the eyes of the vulgar.
+My four remaining years then, at Eton, formed, indeed, a dream of
+happiness.</p>
+
+<p>When not otherwise particularly engaged, it was my delight, on the
+instant of coming out of school, or church, to fix my eyes on some
+distant object, and to start off for it, merely, I suppose, because it
+was out of bounds. Being constantly in the habit of this, I became
+acquainted with the localities of the neighbourhood, perhaps more
+accurately than any other boy at Eton. The two most distant points I
+ever reached, were Staines and the race-course at Ascot Heath. These
+excursions I ever undertook in solitude.</p>
+
+<p>It was singular, that one of the most prominent features in the
+surrounding country should have been nearly the last I attained. This
+was the spot which must have attracted, one time or another, the
+attention of every boy: it is that beautiful hill of St. Leonards.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[57]</a></span>Perhaps the reason that I attained it so late, was, that in these
+rambles, I preferred crossing the country as the crow flew, and in the
+present instance, therefore, I must have crossed through the Thames,
+and it was a long while ere I could prevail upon myself to pass by
+such a circuitous route as Windsor and the Life Guards' barracks, for
+an object otherwise comparatively close to me.</p>
+
+<p>About this time, then, I started for and reached it. From that day, I
+have always thought, that were it in my power to choose a region
+wherein to spend my days, this should be it. It is the only spot I
+have yet chanced upon, which, when viewed from the distance, with its
+details filled up in the imagination, delightfully fulfils and
+gratifies it to the utmost. What view can be more heavenly, than when
+we look through and over the tops of the stag-headed oaks, along the
+valley spread out beneath us, with the Thames winding and glistening
+in the sun, and the noble castle of Windsor in the horizon, proudly
+rearing itself into the sky?</p>
+
+<p>Notwithstanding this scene, I had been rather earnestly observing a
+distant but very lady-like figure walking across the grass, by the
+side of some rails, and I felt somewhat disappointed, and
+dissatisfied, when, at length, it <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[58]</a></span>vanished among the trees. I was now
+resting myself at the foot of one, and deeply engrossed in the
+desultory wanderings of a beetle on the ground, between my feet. I am
+not conscious how long a time I might have been thus amusing myself,
+when I was roused by an indistinct rustle close to me, and, on looking
+up, I saw before me the lady-like figure. In the surprise of the
+moment, I was possessed with a vague consciousness of some former
+acquaintance, and in the first impulse, my hand nearly reached my hat,
+but, in doubt, I withheld it.</p>
+
+<p>She, too, seemed to be in the like predicament, bending slightly with
+the neck, and I even fancied that her lips moved. The next moment, she
+had passed on, and I became sensible of the presence of "my little
+Frogmore girl!"</p>
+
+<p>Could I have the presumption to renew, at this moment, such a brief
+and casual interview, and so long ago, too? What was I to do! Had she
+given me a slight token of recognition, or had she not?</p>
+
+<p>At this moment, I am astonished at my determination. In a desperate
+state of agitation, yet without a chance of wavering, I now rose, and
+walked along the avenue to overtake her, as she was turning down
+another to the right. On gaining the corner, I found her a few yards
+in advance, seated on a bench with several <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[59]</a></span>other persons. I at once
+kept directly down the first avenue without passing her.</p>
+
+<p>Here, at last, then, had I once more met with Miss Curzon! Yet how was
+she altered! She was now about sixteen, and considerably above the
+common height of women, and her figure possessed an air of far greater
+slenderness than when I first met her. Then, too, her hair, which was
+mostly concealed, was light&mdash;now she wore a profusion of it, of a dark
+and glossy brown. She was in deep mourning.</p>
+
+<p>Every day did I direct my steps to this hallowed spot, but in vain.
+She had been on a visit, I suppose, and had now left the
+neighbourhood. But, to my imagination, she was ever present, the last
+vision at night, and the first in the morning, but I never could dream
+about her.</p>
+
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<a name="CHAPTER_VIII" id="CHAPTER_VIII"></a><hr />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[60]</a></span><br />
+
+<h3>CHAPTER VIII.<span class="totoc"><a href="#toc">ToC</a></span></h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Though ever leading a life very much at variance with the established
+discipline of the college, it was seldom that I was detected; but
+about this time, though really living in far greater conformity to its
+rules than usual, it was very hard upon me that I should now meet with
+a surprising run of ill-luck.</p>
+
+<p>At one time I had become ambitious of exercising the rites of
+hospitality, which was the more patriotic on my part, as every article
+of the repast had to be stolen. I had been led on to this expense by a
+friend presenting me with three bottles of port, which, of course,
+would need a few biscuits to accompany them; and then I thought of a
+dessert, and at length ascended to the determination of giving a
+downright supper.</p>
+
+<p>The brace of partridges, then, and the moor-hen, I shot on the other
+side of Dorney Common; the milk for the bread-sauce, came as usual
+from the old black and white cow. The ale, bread, knives and forks, I
+easily procured <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[61]</a></span>from my dame's own supper-table, just before she and
+the rest of the boys entered the room.</p>
+
+<p>An hour or two after all in the house had gone to bed, my two friends
+and I had roasted our birds, and enjoyed probably such a meal as we
+shall never again so much appreciate. Had each of us preferred the
+partridges, the affair had not gone off so well; but, fortunately,
+Tyrrel very aptly began to speculate on the virtues of the moor-hen,
+informing us that it was undoubtedly the highly prized <span class="Greek" title="ortux">&#959;&#961;&#964;&#965;&#958;</span>
+of the early Greeks, but kindly relinquishing his share of it, Kennedy
+enjoyed the whole of it to himself; for, though I doubted not but that
+the subject had been classically handled, I obstinately returned to my
+old opinion relative to the difference between a partridge and a tough
+old moor-hen. These, then, had been duly respected, and we were
+sitting round the fire, with the second bottle of port looking rather
+foolish in front of us, and were wondering at the cannons which were
+then being fired on Windsor hill, when we were alarmed on hearing
+somebody coming quickly up the stairs. Having blown out the candles,
+and put the bottles into my drawer, we each jumped into our beds, but
+were by no means pleased when the man-servant entered merely to awaken
+and inform us, that Tim Cannon had won his fight of Josh Hudson, for
+which great event the guns were then firing, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[62]</a></span>and that, in the joy of
+his heart, he had got up to claim an even bet of sixpence, which he
+had made with Kennedy relative to the result.</p>
+
+<p>Such an interruption, under such comfortable circumstances, was
+enough to ruffle any one's temper; but I was still more distressed on
+opening the drawer to take out the wine and renew our orgies to
+discover, that either the cork had not been firmly fixed, or omitted
+altogether, for there were my shirts and neckcloths almost floating
+in good old port. At this instant, to add to my dissatisfaction, in
+walked my dame! The cannons having disturbed her, she had heard the
+never-to-be-sufficiently-confounded footman run up the stairs, and
+arisen to ascertain the cause; when, guided by our voices, she now
+joined our party, an uninvited and unwelcome guest. Indeed, we were
+hopelessly committed, for getting up and lighting our candles and
+fires in the middle of the night was a capital offence.</p>
+
+<p>On my dame withdrawing herself, in a lamentable state of distress and
+disapprobation of our misconduct, we instantly consulted as to what
+was to be done to deter her from complaining of us to Keate. To assist
+our councils, we summoned to our aid, "Fitty Willy," properly and
+feelingly so called from his weakness for epilepsy; nevertheless, he
+had ever shown great genius for getting into scrapes, and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[63]</a></span>even still
+greater for extricating himself from their baneful effects. He at once
+decided, with all the assurance of an old stager, that our only hope
+was to proceed next morning, in a body, to my dame, and state the
+dreadful result, should she complain of us, and that we must express
+the deepest contrition of our delinquency. This, then, the next day,
+we had actually effected to all intents and purposes; and Kennedy was
+winding up the business with all the fervour of Irish eloquence, when
+I unfortunately burst into yells of laughter! This rendered his
+declamation null and void, and he even gave up the point at once; when
+my dame, writing a note, immediately dispatched it to head-quarters.
+To this day do I feel remorse for my martyred fellow-sufferers; for,
+on the morrow, never were they so punished, if I judge rightly from my
+own feelings; we were compelled, moreover, to write out fifty lines of
+Homer every day, for a month to come, and for these I had no "old
+copies;" but I soon managed to get into another dilemma.</p>
+
+<p>In a weak moment, I had agreed with Kennedy to sham ill and "stay
+out," the equivalent for which is, as we are too unwell to go into
+school, we are so, to be out of our houses, and when detected are
+invariably flogged with extra severity. On these occasions, too, my
+dame sends a certificate to the master, stating our <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[64]</a></span>respective
+maladies. This time, having merely acquainted her that I felt
+indisposed, it became incumbent on her to particularise the case, I
+being totally ignorant of the complaint she was pleased to ascribe to
+me. Kennedy's complaint was, that he had got a stomach-ach.</p>
+
+<p>We had now before us a long day and a beautiful one besides, and we
+decided that each should jump into a skiff, and scull to Cliveden,
+many miles up the river. This we performed in a very satisfactory
+manner, except that, on our return, just when we were opposite the
+beautiful little village of Bray, resting on our oars, and responding
+to each other the alternate verses of that aquatic air, now, I fear,
+become obsolete, though so full of pathos:</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Oliver and his dear,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">His dear and Oliver&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">John Mogs and all his hogs,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">His hogs and sweet John Mogs&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Agnes and her geese,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Her geese and sweet Agnes, &amp;c."<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>I heard a voice close to me on the bank, which, by no means, chimed
+with the chorus, and the well-known tones of which thrilled to my very
+soul. There was my tutor, and I was recognised&mdash;Kennedy threw himself
+on his face at the bottom of his boat, and floated away undetected.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[65]</a></span>This catastrophe, however, prevented us not from landing afterwards at
+Surly Hall for our cigars and brandy-and-water, where it now became
+Kennedy's turn to get into a scrape. Owing to the numerous and
+vociferous applications of the claimants for refreshment, "Mother
+Hall" is always prudently ensconced in her tap-room, to which the
+means of communication was through a square hole in the door. On the
+present occasion, Kennedy, in his impatience, had gone round to a
+window in her rear. On this quarter she was entirely unguarded; and he
+had got his head through, and was in the act of securing some
+biscuits. At the moment, our landlady was absorbed in concocting a
+bowl of punch; nevertheless, catching a glimpse of the outstretched
+hand, she flew to the point of attack. Kennedy would have now
+retreated, had not his ears wedged lightly between the bars, and his
+head become immoveably fixed, and the next moment the choleric Mother
+Hall was thumping him on the head with the lemon squeezer. His
+eloquence, so effective on most occasions, now availed him nothing,
+and he was seriously tortured. I think he was a little spirit-broken
+besides, for it was ever after a tender subject with him.</p>
+
+<p>Not having heard from my tutor that evening, I began fondly to hope
+that, taking into consideration the extent of punishment consequent
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[66]</a></span>on such a breach of discipline, he had kindly omitted to take any
+further notice of the affair.</p>
+
+<p>Neither of us having recovered from our indisposition, we were, of
+course, "staying out" on the following day, which we had taken very
+good care should be Friday. Instead, then, of being instructively
+employed with the tasks of that dreadful day, I was comfortably seated
+in my room, reading "Quentin Durward," when, alas! its beautiful
+illusions were dissipated, and I awoke to the painful reality of
+vulgar life, by being summoned to Keate, now occupied in the middle of
+eleven o'clock school. Changing, then, my book, and putting my Horace
+under my arm, I enjoyed the distinction of walking "alone in my
+glory," up the middle of the school, to Keate's desk.</p>
+
+<p>"Well, Graham, what do you want here?" demanded Keate, in his hurried
+manner.</p>
+
+<p>This forgetfulness, or perhaps ignorance, on his part, completely
+disconcerted me; and not wishing to inform against myself, I held my
+tongue, hoping that some unforeseen chance might yet favour my escape.
+But the next moment, observing his choler to be rapidly on the
+increase, I was conscious that this plan would be worse than useless.</p>
+
+<p>"I am staying out, Sir," I at length hinted.</p>
+
+<p>"Staying out, are you! Then you are unwell&mdash;yes, you look very ill
+indeed; pray, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[67]</a></span>what is the matter with you? Tyrrel!" he vociferated,
+the next moment, "you had better bestow your attention on the place
+before you in the book, and I will presently examine your knowledge
+upon the subject&mdash;you seem to be very interested in the present one;
+you're watching, I suppose, to see how your friend Graham can exert
+his ingenuity in getting off.&mdash;Well, Graham?"</p>
+
+<p>"I have taken physic, Sir?"</p>
+
+<p>"Taken physic, have you! Pray, what was it?"</p>
+
+<p>"A pill, Sir," I replied, not very confidently.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes; and I suppose, no doubt, that you judged a quiet row up the
+river would do you a little good&mdash;stay, afterwards&mdash;a flogging,
+perhaps, will have a still better effect."</p>
+
+<p>As luck would have it, I was never, on any occasion, so slightly
+punished. Keate, though I never knew him to be guilty of an absent fit
+before, entirely forgot for what he was flogging me, and gave me but
+the average number. The laugh was certainly on my side, when, just as
+I had completed my disarranged toilet, he discovered his error.
+Neither of us could forbear smiling, and he congratulated me on my
+good fortune.</p>
+
+<p>The detection of my next peccadillo was not followed by such baneful
+effects. They were now making at Windsor Theatre great preparations
+for a night, which was to be graced with <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[68]</a></span>the presence of his Majesty,
+who had also kindly condescended to order the tragedy of "Warwick" on
+the occasion. I had amused myself by going up in the day-time to
+witness the rehearsals, and otherwise examine into the economy of the
+stage in general. I also made myself, without any evil intent at the
+time, entirely conversant with the localities of the place. To draw a
+full house, Mr. Betty, once the Young Roscius, had been engaged to
+personate the Earl of Warwick, and admirably he sustained it, too.
+During the performance, I had crept from the gallery&mdash;here always
+appropriated to the Etonians&mdash;through a door which had been purposely
+made not to appear such, into a place immediately over the stage.
+Across this space stretch the enormous rollers on which the scenes are
+wound, but in the recess where I now stood was stored a confused heap
+of theatrical lumber, such as an enormous gilt lion, a dragon, a
+collection of clouds, and other curiosities. At first I conjectured
+that the effect below might be heightened by the dismissal of a few of
+the clouds, but I feared lest they might dislocate a neck or two. A
+similar result might have occurred had I cut the ropes of the front
+scene. At length, I determined merely to launch an enormous dusty
+carpet on Mr. Betty's devoted head below. Finding this to be far
+beyond my single strength, I procured three assistants, and, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[69]</a></span>at a
+given signal, we simultaneously launched it forth.</p>
+
+<p>At that moment the Young Roscius and another star were fascinating the
+house, when our gigantic bundle, lodging for a moment between the
+rollers, gradually squeezed through them, and the next, enveloping our
+victims,</p>
+
+<p style="margin-left: 10%; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;">"Turned to groans their roundelay."</p>
+
+<p>This occasioned an uproar throughout the house, and on regaining our
+seats, "the King-maker" had crept from beneath the mass, leaving
+Edward IV. still struggling under it: the former, with his moustache,
+ermine cloak, and other appendages, in pitiable disorder, was now
+haranguing the audience in the tone of a deeply-injured man. By what
+means I never could divine, or even suspect, but Mr. Betty arrived at
+the originator of the deed, and, to avoid more disastrous
+consequences, I was obliged to call upon him the next day, and promise
+never to do it again.</p>
+
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<a name="CHAPTER_IX" id="CHAPTER_IX"></a><hr />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[70]</a></span><br />
+
+<h3>CHAPTER IX.<span class="totoc"><a href="#toc">ToC</a></span></h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>Though by no means superstitious, there was one circumstance, and only
+one, with regard to which I sometimes doubted whether it was not
+influenced by some fatality, and the present case was connected with
+it.</p>
+
+<p>With another boy, I was passing out of the archway leading upon
+Windsor Terrace, in order to hear the Life Guards' band, which here
+played every Sunday evening, when once more I met with Miss Curzon.
+She was coming away, and at that instant was walking between two other
+ladies. This time, then, there was no doubt: as I passed, she made a
+very slight, but slow bend of her neck; at the same time there was in
+her face a fixed and serious expression. Slight as was the
+recognition, it was undoubted.</p>
+
+<p>"Why, Graham," presently exclaimed the friend I was walking with,
+"that lady bowed to you!"</p>
+
+<p>"And why should she not?"</p>
+
+<p>"And why should you blush about it so?"</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[71]</a></span>Never mind that&mdash;this was, and ever has been, if not the happiest, the
+loveliest moment of my life.</p>
+
+<p>On turning back, that I might, should fortune favour me, obtain some
+farther traces of her, I just glimpsed her as she entered a carriage,
+which drove away in the direction of Datchet.</p>
+
+<p>Once again, then, was I at fault, still possessing not the faintest
+suspicion of her retreat, for resident in the neighbourhood I was now
+confident she must be.</p>
+
+<p>It was six years and more since I had heard her voice. From that
+moment I had dwelt upon it and her, with all my mind, with all my
+heart, and with all my soul. But then, this might have been an ideal
+passion, as has happened to many of us, and we have never been less
+enamoured than when in the immediate presence of its object: but in
+this instance it was very different, creating a kind of fretful
+happiness quite intolerable. Byron says, in his ever-glowing way,
+that&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Sweeter far than this, than these, than all,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Is first and passionate love!"<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p class="noin">But, he should have added, what probably he meant, early love. Love at
+twenty is as nothing, unless one's a fool. Downright love exists only
+with boyish and the wildest romance, infinitely removed from every
+grain of common sense. I <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[72]</a></span>will give an instance of this boyish
+weakness, though a ridiculous one.</p>
+
+<p>There was a maid-servant in Eton, who was a modest, respectable, and
+certainly very pretty girl. Notwithstanding the stoutness of her
+ancle, she had made a deep impression on many of the bigger boys,
+though probably not one of them had exchanged a syllable with her.
+This girl now became betrothed to a Windsor tradesman. No sooner was
+this ascertained, than her admirers let him plainly know, that should
+he presume to prosecute his design, it should cost him dearly. Several
+of them now never met the poor fellow without insulting him; and I
+remember one boy, more ardent than the rest, went into his shop and
+fought him chivalrously, like a good knight and true. So high did the
+feud now run, that the shop-keepers sided with their townsman, and for
+months half the school was each evening engaged in a spirited skirmish
+with the Windsor mobility for this Fair Maid of Perth; and I believe
+that, in consequence of the excitement they evinced on the occasion,
+the match was postponed for nearly two years. The boy who
+particularised himself for his pugnacious prowess has since become a
+preacher in the open fields, and a zealous supporter of the
+miraculously unknown tongues.</p>
+
+<p>"But these are foolish things to all the wise," <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[73]</a></span>and particularly so
+to me, though my head was altogether turned, and my heart too. My days
+were more than ever dedicated to roaming over the country; and in the
+evening I used to love to scull my skiff far up the stream, and then
+float quietly down while I watched the sun setting, and the luxurious
+yet modest forget-me-not, on the banks; then leave my boat to sit
+motionless on a retired stile, and listen to "the still small voice"
+of the mysterious bat, or the drowsy soothing hum of the beetle. One
+of these evenings, by the bye, was productive of a little adventure.</p>
+
+<p>I had just accomplished "the shallows," and was now rowing hard
+against the stream opposite Boveney Church, when I was startled for
+the moment by the sounds of a number of female voices, some of which
+even amounted to screams. On looking over my shoulder, I now observed
+an enormous pleasure-barge, with its deck and cabin crowded with a
+numerous party of ladies and gentlemen. It was drawn up the stream by
+three or four horses. At this spot the stream ran with such rapidity,
+that a boat which was fastened to the stern, had broken away, and the
+ladies became, in a degree, panic-struck, when they saw their only
+means of communication with the shore quickly floating away from them.</p>
+
+<p>It was now for me to do my best to capture it, though when I had
+fastened it to my skiff, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[74]</a></span>it was with great difficulty that I could
+stem the stream with it, and reach them. Having at length succeeded in
+this, the instant I arrived, in addition to innumerable thanks, many
+fair and braceleted wrists were now proffering full and fizzing
+bumpers of champagne, while others showered various fruits into my
+skiff.</p>
+
+<p>Without any hesitation, I emptied a respectable number of glasses of
+their contents; and having declined the rest, they were reluctantly
+withdrawn, with the exception of one. I thought I might as well take
+that; I looked at its fair and kind donor, and&mdash;there was Miss Curzon!
+As I raised the glass to my lips, I glanced across its brim, and again
+the same depression of the slender figure&mdash;the same expression and
+mixture of fixed seriousness!</p>
+
+<p>Now, then, I at last had a certainty of gleaning some tidings of her.
+I saw Maberly standing by her side, and, the next morning, I
+questioned him closely, but warily, upon the subject.</p>
+
+<p>"I was rather lucky, last night, Maberly," I observed.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," he replied; "it was no common person who gave you that glass of
+wine. Do you not think she was very lovely?"</p>
+
+<p>"There were several lovely persons," I answered.</p>
+
+<p>"You know whom I mean."</p>
+
+<p>"O yes," I prudently answered; "she was <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[75]</a></span>sitting on a sofa, close to
+the steerage, and gave me&mdash;bless her!&mdash;the first glass of wine."</p>
+
+<p>"Thank you," said Maberly; "that was my sister."</p>
+
+<p>"Then she was a very nice-looking person," I replied.</p>
+
+<p>"Don't you recollect, now, the girl who held out the last glass to
+you?"</p>
+
+<p>"Perfectly; but is she the person you admire so?"</p>
+
+<p>"Oh! you know, you're near-sighted, or you would have thought so."</p>
+
+<p>"And who is she, after all?"</p>
+
+<p>"I am not quite certain that I know her name," said Maberly; "but I
+suppose it is the same as her uncle's, Mr. St. Quentin, with whom she
+lives there, at the Grange, by Old Windsor."</p>
+
+<p>I said but little more, and withdrew, by no means dissatisfied with
+the information I had gained.</p>
+
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<a name="CHAPTER_X" id="CHAPTER_X"></a><hr />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[76]</a></span><br />
+
+<h3>CHAPTER X.<span class="totoc"><a href="#toc">ToC</a></span></h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>When I look back at this period of my life, though it must be with a
+feeling of disapprobation&mdash;and when I coldly say disapprobation, I
+insinuate remorse&mdash;let me confess that I still do so with an
+undeniable leaven of envy; envy at the lawless liberty I enjoyed, not
+only with regard to my actions, but to my conscience; revelling in a
+deficiency of forethought and blindness of consequences, as truly
+delightful for the present, as overwhelming and deplorable for the
+future.</p>
+
+<p>I was not aware that "coming events cast their shadows before;" and,
+alas! that past ones, leave them.</p>
+
+<p>But there was one thing of which I was aware, and of which persons
+rarely are, at the time,&mdash;I knew that I was happy; yet I deemed that
+this ought not to be, so long as I remained subject to any trace of
+palpable, or, as I then thought, irrational restraint.</p>
+
+<p>In truth, like a good many other foolish fellows of that age, I began
+to entertain no small opinion of myself. I now felt that it was
+degrading to be shut in each night, like sheep <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[77]</a></span>within a fold, or to
+peep through the grated windows like a felon, and that I would not
+rest until I had freed myself from such restraints.</p>
+
+<p>The impediments and risks opposed to my design were great, but my
+fortune, or misfortune, carried me through them all.</p>
+
+<p>On examining the different windows of the house with this intention, I
+at last found one which I judged to offer greater facilities than any
+other; but as it was in the room of two other boys, it became
+necessary that I should intrust them with the matter. As, of course,
+they were also to be participators in the benefits arising from the
+success of our attempt, they were happy to join me.</p>
+
+<p>It occupied but little time to make our preparations for the sortie.
+The bars of this window were placed so widely apart, that by taking
+off our coats and waistcoats, we could each squeeze through. We had,
+then, only to subscribe the ropes of our trunks, and saw off the legs
+of our chairs, and in a few minutes we possessed a lengthy
+rope-ladder. We now went to bed, appointing three-o'clock in the
+morning for the hour of our first sally. Notwithstanding the height
+from the ground, and our suspicions of the weakness of our ropes, so
+eager was each to be the first to descend, that we drew lots for the
+precedence. This fell to Bush, who instantly commenced his descent,
+and the next moment, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[78]</a></span>the silence of night was dispersed by the awful
+crashing and jingling of apparently a hundred panes of glass! Both
+legs and half of his body had passed directly through the window
+below. We had conjectured that there had been no window, but here was
+that of the unlucky laundry. The instant he had reascended, I coiled
+up the ladder, and retreating with it to my room, threw it under my
+bureau and jumped into bed, instantly expecting the whole house to be
+in an uproar, though, as it turned out, no one was awoke by the
+clatter. The following morning, the effects were merely attributed to
+the attempts of some villains to break into the house, instead of out
+of it.</p>
+
+<p>I had now to set about and devise some other mode of egress. The place
+I next fixed on for this purpose was my own window. Should I succeed,
+detection would be almost impossible, every suspicion being lulled, in
+consequence of the apparent difficulties for such an attempt. In
+addition to the bars, there was a wire grating in front of the window,
+which, moreover, was at the top of the house; but, then, the two
+windows beneath it had been economically bricked up, in order to avoid
+an accumulation of the window-tax. By knotching a breakfast-knife very
+finely, I managed to pass it beneath the fat piece of iron in which
+the bar terminated, and then to saw in two one of the nails <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[79]</a></span>which
+fixed it. I then took out the head of the nail, and the bar turning
+round the remaining nail, as on a pivot, left a sufficient space for
+my body to pass between it and the window-frame. I had but to twist
+the bar back again, stick in the head of the nail, and everything was,
+apparently, in its former state. By wrenching, in a slight degree, the
+tenter-hooks, I could now disengage the lower part of the grating in a
+moment, sufficiently to pass beneath, and having constructed a sliding
+board in the floor, under which I deposited my rope-ladder, I felt
+entirely secure from detection, and I was not mistaken.</p>
+
+<p>It was indeed a joyous moment when I made my first experiment, and
+felt my foot on the dewy grass, for I deemed that</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Then the world it was mine oyster,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Which I with knife might open."<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>Among these nightly rambles, there is one that will ever be, I should
+think, deeply impressed upon me.</p>
+
+<p>Everybody in the house had been in bed for hours. As I was far too
+restless to doze on the occasion, I had been stationary at the open
+window, counting the hours as they slowly passed, and it was now
+getting towards two o'clock, when I was to descend the ladder, already
+placed and hanging from the window.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[80]</a></span>In those days I was rarely troubled by low spirits, but at the present
+moment, I must own, that they partook considerably of the gloominess
+of the hour, and the scenery around. The night was very dark, but I
+could just see the ghost-like masses of the gigantic elms, as they
+stood motionless against the gloomy sky, and could even hear the quiet
+rippling sound of the river as it glided along in the distance, the
+night was so very still. But all this now horribly contrasted with a
+scene I had witnessed but a few hours ago on the banks of that river
+now so deserted.</p>
+
+<p>A school-fellow and friend had there been drowned, and I had heard his
+piercing shriek as he fell from his boat. His body had not yet been
+recovered. This morning we had been playing at fives together. How
+were he and I occupied now! I dared hardly think, and then I pictured
+to myself his listless and lifeless body rolling under the stream into
+some dark depth:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"And there I sat all heavily<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">As I heard the night-wind sigh&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Was it the wind that through some hollow stone<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Sent that soft and tender moan!"<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>Just then the deep tone of the Castle death-bell came swelling across
+the river from the other side. In an instant I knew it was the
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[81]</a></span>harbinger of death&mdash;of the Princess Charlotte? I was right&mdash;she was
+just then dead!</p>
+
+<p>This now struck me as a frightful moment. It was not from the fear of
+death, nor, alas! from the fear of God. What could it be? I am
+convinced that no one has literally trembled from fear, but now my
+heart felt as though it shivered. I stood motionless till the last and
+least sound had reverberated through the now silent court, and there
+was nothing to be heard but the beating of my own heart. There I stood
+fixed like a statue, afraid to stir, even to heave my chest to
+sigh&mdash;this, then, was superstition.</p>
+
+<p>I gradually arose from my trance to be conscious of the truth; and now
+even concluding it to be my duty to combat against the weakness,
+though in a joyless mood, I descended the ladder.</p>
+
+<p>"Time and tide tarry for no man," and I think even less for me. The
+day had now come that I was to take leave of Keate and of Eton, and
+return to my father's house&mdash;and for what! I had not a suspicion, or
+whether I was destined for the army, church, law, or for anything
+else. The prospect, however, appeared cloudy and comfortless, and I
+was now to reside for an indefinite period at the only place, much as
+I did love the spot, where I ever felt myself to be in the midst of
+strangers. Here, apparently, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[82]</a></span>I was another being than when at
+Eton&mdash;reserved, gloomy and distrustful&mdash;cold and unfeeling&mdash;wandering
+about the place like a solitaire, as I was. I had not, nor have I ever
+had, an acquaintance in the county&mdash;I had never been into another
+house. Should any friends of the family be staying with them, I would
+take my breakfast of bread and milk before the usual hour, in order to
+avoid meeting them, and then absented myself for the rest of the day,
+until dinner-time. This last was indeed a painful ordeal, especially
+should there be any ladies present.</p>
+
+<p>The truth is, circumstances, and by no means my own inclinations,
+forced me to be mute, and that, too, at times, when I would have
+almost given my life to have been otherwise, and then I looked ashamed
+of myself, as I really was, for my apparent deficiency of good
+breeding.</p>
+
+<p>But now it was that I was bidding farewell to Eton&mdash;an eternal
+farewell! now it was that I felt</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i6">"How dear the schoolboy spot,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">We ne'er forget, though there we are forgot."<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>I had been an Etonian for ten lovely years, and&mdash;what had I acquired?</p>
+
+<p>I had, in due routine, become captain of the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[83]</a></span>Oppidans&mdash;could, on an
+emergency, translate the dead languages&mdash;had worked myself into the
+eleven of cricket and of foot-ball, and now came forth from Keate's
+chamber, destined to learn that "the recollections of past happiness
+are the wrinkles of the soul."</p>
+
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[84]</a></span><br />
+<a name="CHAPTER_Ib" id="CHAPTER_Ib"></a><hr />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[85]</a></span><br />
+
+<h2>BOOK THE SECOND.</h2>
+
+<h3>CHAPTER I.<span class="totoc"><a href="#toc">ToC</a></span></h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>The youngest of a numerous family,&mdash;now that every profession is
+overstocked,&mdash;has no right to entertain considerable expectations.
+Therefore, when my father endured the expenses of my education till my
+twenty-third year, he did far more than was incumbent on himself, and
+far more than I, in any way, deserved. It was, indeed, an expensive
+education, and the object to be gained by it, the Church.
+Unfortunately, my inclination for this had never been ascertained, and
+still more unfortunately, from my youth, I had ever opinions and
+difficulties on religious points, thoroughly inconsistent with the
+established one. These I had ever kept within myself, and it has been
+my ruin. Had I earlier exposed them to my father, perhaps I might have
+prosperously pursued some other profession, and been, at this <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[86]</a></span>moment,
+something like an useful member of society.</p>
+
+<p>Finally, in opposition to my own judgment and conviction, I bowed to
+that of others, and was ordained Deacon, in St. George's Chapel,
+Hanover Square. I now retreated to a parish in a remote county, which
+henceforth might be considered in the light of an honourable exile.</p>
+
+<p>One Sunday, then, in the depth of a rainy winter, I set off on my
+horse, with my canonicals strapped before me in a valise, to commence
+my clerical duties. On entering my parish, for want of a more
+respectable asylum, I put up at a public-house, where I changed my
+dress, and came forth, for the first time, in the character of a
+Divine, walking towards my church, where I met with an unusually large
+congregation assembled to hear "the new parson."</p>
+
+<p>Notwithstanding my lamentable deficiency of self-possession, I got
+through the service without any distressing error&mdash;I ought not to have
+read the Absolution, that being restricted to priests, nor should I
+have upset the cushion on which I was kneeling, for, not having
+sufficient confidence to replace it, I was forced to hang on by my
+elbows to the reading-desk for the remainder of the Litany. As for my
+sermon, I knew it by heart, and it went off very well. I think, at all
+times, if my sermon was a good <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[87]</a></span>one, I used to get along well enough,
+for, as I proceeded, I became interested in it. On the other hand,
+when it was considerably below the average, I became even more so,
+labouring to gain the conclusion, like a wounded partridge to reach
+the adjoining enclosure.</p>
+
+<p>Having accomplished the service, I fondly concluded that my little
+devoir was finished for the day, and that I might now retire to
+collect my agitated nerves in quiet, but at the porch I was requested
+to visit an old woman who was lying in the poor-house, in the last
+stage of a dropsy. The only entrance to her chamber, or rather, her
+loft, was by an upright ladder fixed against the wall, the two upper
+steps of which were broken away. After a little man&oelig;uvring in
+consequence of this difficulty, I entered the place in the attitude of
+Nebuchadnezzar in the act of grazing, "meekly kneeling on my knees."</p>
+
+<p>Like all other invalids in humble life, she was anxious that I should
+become impressed with the full extent of her suffering, and to this
+intent was irresistibly importunate in her entreaties that I would
+grasp her arm, and, to my horror, the next moment I saw the impression
+of my fingers deeply, and, to all appearance, permanently stamped upon
+her flesh! With this ordeal she appeared satisfied, and having read
+the prayers for the sick, I really suspect a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[88]</a></span>little impressively,
+owing to my feelings as a novice, and left upon her pillow a few
+shillings, I do think and hope that her spirits were a little brighter
+than before&mdash;and there was need, for there were faint hopes of her
+descending that ladder more, save for her "long home."</p>
+
+<p>I once more directed my steps to the public-house for my horse, whose
+head I now turned towards a farm-house where I had written to procure
+apartments. I had proceeded but a short distance, when he sunk up to
+the girths in a small bog, but contrived to scramble out so soon as I
+had dismounted. I knew beforehand, that my future residence was
+inaccessible for any description of carriage, but as I was little
+likely to be encumbered in this way, it was a matter of no
+consideration, but it certainly annoyed me to find that every now and
+then I was liable to get my sermon moistened in a quagmire.</p>
+
+<p>In the midst, then, of these bogs was my solitary abode, which enjoyed
+the somewhat singular appellation of Pinslow. This, I fancy, from its
+situation among the surrounding morasses, to have been a corruption of
+"Peninsula," as it had but one line of access.</p>
+
+<p>I was destined to be the first of my profession that ever resided in
+the parish. The salary being very minute, with no parsonage-house,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[89]</a></span>hitherto each clergyman, save the one of the neighbouring parish, had
+conscientiously declined the appointment.</p>
+
+<p>On reaching my house, I found it to be rurally situated in the centre
+of its straw-yard, but altogether well suited to my wants. There was a
+very good one-stalled stable, or loose box, and as, on rainy days, I
+would throw off my reading-coat, and rub down my horse for an hour,
+this was an object of some importance. I was equally fortunate with
+regard to my sitting-room, for, without rising, I could reach anything
+I wished for, from one end of it to the other. A second room was
+sufficiently spacious to hold the bed.</p>
+
+<p>Towards the close of the evening, laying aside etiquette, as Crusoe
+would in his solitary isle, I went out in order to visit a curate who
+had lately taken the parish bordering on my own, and who, like myself,
+had just entered on his noviciate. Here I found Seymour, a fellow
+Etonian and contemporary.</p>
+
+<p>Though we had never before been intimate, how happy was I to meet with
+him. For years had I been in the habit of seeing him every day, when
+all was happiness, and now to be with him again, though my prospects
+were as gloomy as the barren moors around us! I felt how different was
+my regard for him to that for <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[90]</a></span>friends of later date. The truth is, we
+knew each other!</p>
+
+<p>This, together with youthful and happy associations, is the secret of
+all those lasting friendships commenced in boyhood. We feel, however
+we may try to conceal it, that our acquaintances in later life may be
+playing a part, or at all events, may be guided more or less by
+interested motives; while, on the other hand, should sad experience
+not have taught us the same policy, it will inevitably happen, that
+sooner or later we shall have to deplore our imprudence. It is not so
+much that we are betrayed as misconstrued; our opinions are
+misinterpreted from ignorance of our real dispositions. This, then, is
+why it has become so imperative on us to shroud ourselves in reserve;
+and, alas! the more so as our dispositions may be sanguine and ardent.
+Hence, too, the Lord Chesterfield's scouted maxim, "Do not be, but
+seem," though his lordship is not to be reprobated so much as the
+world, that compelled him thus to advise his own son. But I fear I
+shall be found fault with by both parties, as I have learnt to be, but
+not to seem.</p>
+
+<p>No wonder, then, that we hasten to renew our early friendships, and
+throw aside all this deplorable restraint.</p>
+
+<p>"Your father is a horrid radical," I once heard a boy say to the Lord
+Chancellor's son.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[91]</a></span>"And your mother is his Majesty's mistress," was the retort, in even
+plainer language.</p>
+
+<p>This is adopting the other extreme, but will here serve as a sample of
+that youthful openness, however ridiculous and disagreeable, which
+teaches us at once how to choose our friends and confidants, with
+little fear of being mistaken; and when we have arrived at manhood,
+whatever number of years may have separated us, we are still conscious
+of each other's nature, because we have learnt, in the meantime, that
+it never changes, in whatever degree it may have done so in
+appearance. Let any one, for a moment, bestow his attention upon some
+prominent person of the present day, whose character may contrast with
+what it was in boyhood, and has he confidence in him? in other words,
+is he imposed upon with the rest? He may cling to him for auld lang
+syne, but he will be far from being deceived, while the other is as
+conscious that he is not so.</p>
+
+<p>For this reason, I have always thought well of those who have carried
+on their early intimacy to after-life. One of them must be creditable
+to our race, for I have noticed friendship between two indifferent
+characters ever to be brief.</p>
+
+<p>Seymour, poor fellow, was just now under rather adverse circumstances,
+for he had arrived here but five days, and had been confined to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[92]</a></span>his
+bed during the four last of them, having caught cold from wet feet,
+which I regretted the more, as he had but little chance, in such a
+country, of ever again enjoying the comfort of dry ones. When I
+arrived at his hovel he had just come down to his sitting-room, and I
+think I seldom recollect a more comfortless, or ludicrous scene
+either. Till this moment, I suppose, he who had roughed it as little
+as any one, was now looking pale, wretched, and emaciated, with his
+slender, gentlemanly figure crouched close upon the comfortless
+fire-place. Should he have the energy to stir for anything, his nicely
+arranged hair was instantly dimmed with the cobwebs and dust which it
+gathered as it swept across the low ceiling. On the dark and damp
+floor was scattered a number of splendidly bound books, with a
+Wilkinson's saddle. Along the wall was tidily arranged an extensive
+collection of Hoby's boots, and a hat-box, imprinted with "Lock, Saint
+James' Street," but which article was now converted into a temporary
+corn-bin, and was nearly full of black oats.</p>
+
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<a name="CHAPTER_IIb" id="CHAPTER_IIb"></a><hr />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[93]</a></span><br />
+
+<h3>CHAPTER II.<span class="totoc"><a href="#toc">ToC</a></span></h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>It is but yesterday, when I felt that to be "a pot-hunter"<a name="FNanchor_1_1" id="FNanchor_1_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_1_1" class="fnanchor">[1]</a> was the
+lowest step of degradation; and I was quite right, for then I lived at
+home; my father had an admirable kennel of pointers and spaniels, a
+couple of well-stocked manors, and a zealous keeper. But, since then,
+"a change came o'er the spirit of my dream," and my finances not so
+flourishing that I could keep up a shooting establishment on the
+footing which I have hitherto enjoyed. At present I am provided with
+sustenance at the cost of one shilling a meal; but should I procure a
+dinner elsewhere, which seldom happened, or my fishing-rod prove
+effective, which it never did, a proportionate deduction ensues in the
+cost of my repast.</p>
+
+<p>Once or twice, as September approached, it crossed my mind that this
+kind of economy was not entirely to be overlooked. But, no, no! True,
+I had got under a cloud, and "my house-hold gods lie shivered around
+me;" but, to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[94]</a></span>become a pot-hunter! I had not fallen, nor would I fall,
+so low as that. September has arrived, and I have!</p>
+
+<p>To entertain a proper feeling on the subject, I am fully sensible that
+a gentleman should only destroy game, which, when killed, is
+thoroughly useless to him; and being thus principled, I am at a loss
+to account for the unwonted delight I experienced whenever my gun did
+its work on the victim, which in a few hours was to smoke on my
+solitary board.</p>
+
+<p>Some one affirms it to be as probable for an empty sack to stand
+upright, as for a needy man to be honest. The simile is ingenious and
+plausible, but as uncharitable. The weakness I have just acknowledged
+is undoubtedly attributable to my circumstances, though I trust I am
+still beyond the reach of the graver imputation. But I should be
+ambitious of proving more than this&mdash;the utter extravagance of such a
+theory; for it is a cruel one, and has caused both mischief and
+misery. How many otherwise inoffensive persons have I known implicitly
+to adopt an opinion to the prejudice of their less fortunate
+acquaintance, merely from their deficiency of the world's wealth! But,
+not content with this, these persons, who are the very people to
+esteem poverty as the worst of ills, not satiated with his
+destitution, must do their utmost to sink him still lower by their
+treatment <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[95]</a></span>of him; little suspecting, too, I should hope, that the
+most probable means of enticing a man to become a villain, is to
+convince him that the world deems him to be such. I have known more
+than one victim to this treatment, for all are not gifted with
+independency of mind sufficient to defy it.</p>
+
+<p>Owing to an insurmountable detestation of my profession, I spent but a
+few days of the week in my parish. It was not that I was careless, and
+indifferent for the welfare of my parishioners; for, in spite of
+myself, I could not but like them.</p>
+
+<p>Beyond doubt, it is imperative on a clergyman ever to be in the heart
+of his parish, employed in bestowing, spiritually and corporally, such
+assistance as it may fall to his share to be able to bestow. As to
+relieving their distresses arising from poverty, my finances were much
+too limited to be of any avail. With regard to those who were
+suffering on a sick bed, with but slender hopes of recovery, my powers
+of consolation were even more meagre.</p>
+
+<p>I have said that my opinions widely differed from those supposed to be
+entertained by a Protestant clergyman, and particularly so on the
+efficacy of a death-bed repentance. Could it then be expected that I
+was thus to smear myself over with hypocrisy, and to a poor
+broken-spirited fellow-creature, looking <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[96]</a></span>imploringly for religious
+aid and comfort, utter to his confiding ears such doctrines as, at
+that time, I unhappily and foolishly thought to be no more "than
+sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal?"</p>
+
+<p>This, then, was not to be thought of or endured; and, therefore,
+sooner than remain inactive among my people, I was ever, as much as
+possible, studiously at a distance. Still it could not but annoy me,
+should my presence have been required on any emergency, while absent;
+and this, thanks to my fortune, never occurred, though I had many
+narrow escapes of it.</p>
+
+<p>At one time, having postponed the preparation of my sermon during the
+earlier part of the week, I arrived, in consequence, at my lodgings on
+Saturday evening, in order to get it ready for the morrow. I had
+scarcely begun, when Maria, dispensing with her lowly knock for
+admission at the door, rushed in, and announced an event which had
+just occurred within a mile of the house.</p>
+
+<p>A girl of eighteen, and her sister of eight years old, had been
+spending her birth-day at their grandfather's, and, after dark, had
+set out on their return to their father's house, mounted on an old
+horse, with the younger girl behind. In the bottom of a valley which
+divided the two houses, ran a little stream, but which now, from
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[97]</a></span>heavy rain, had increased to a rapid and deep, though still a narrow
+rivulet. In passing through the ford, the younger girl, while raising
+her feet to avoid the water, fell from the saddle, pulling her elder
+sister with her. The youngest, much frightened, rushed through the
+water and gained the bank. The foot of the elder one became entangled
+in the stirrup, which unfortunately caused her head and shoulders to
+remain beneath the water. The horse was so quiet as to stand still in
+the stream, grazing on the bank, and was thus stationary long enough
+for the girl to become insensible, when he walked out, and her foot,
+on his moving, becoming once more free, her helpless little sister, by
+the light of the moon which was then shining, could just see the
+stream roll away the body of her sister towards a deep hole a little
+lower down, when she lost sight of her. This, then, was the cause of
+the present interruption.</p>
+
+<p>On arriving at the spot, it was distressing to observe the
+insignificancy of the place, with regard to such a melancholy event.
+The water where she had fallen, was not more than two feet in depth,
+and while searching for her body during the night, at any place I was
+able to jump across the stream. Yet, singular to state, we never found
+the body till the commencement of the fourth night from the accident.</p>
+
+<p>The corpse of this poor girl was the first I <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[98]</a></span>had ever seen. Her
+eldest brother had discovered and placed it on the grass, and as he
+and her father gazed upon it, while the moon shone down upon the group
+standing motionless and silent in the gloomy ravine, never was I so
+conscious of the intensity of the misery which <i>can</i> befal us&mdash;that
+indeed "the trail of the serpent was over us all."</p>
+
+<p>The funeral of this girl was the first at which I had to officiate. It
+is singular that a funeral consequent on an unusual death should be
+attended by greater numbers than an ordinary one. On this occasion, I
+may safely say, that my little retired burial-ground, and its
+immediate vicinity, were occupied by thousands.</p>
+
+<p>Though always in the habit of taking great exercise, I never
+experienced severer work than on the day which brought rest to others,
+not but that I might have avoided it. For five weeks successively I
+have served three churches each Sunday. On these days I had to walk
+forty miles, and ride another forty miles, and once or twice
+experienced heavy falls with my horse. This, then, I suppose, was
+steeple-hunting, properly so called&mdash;all this too was for love, at all
+events, not for money.</p>
+
+<p>The latter, indeed, was very scarce in this part of England. My
+predecessor had served the parish fourteen years, for twelve pounds
+per annum. The present rector was in the annual <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[99]</a></span>receipt of
+forty-three pounds, out of which he had to pay me, but with the aid of
+a little simony, this was easily avoided, and as I took no fees, I can
+hardly call it a lucrative appointment, and certainly not a sinecure.</p>
+
+<p>I am fully aware of the fallacy of judging on any subject, without
+examining both sides of the question, but the following case really
+seems to have only one:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>By great ingenuity, I should think, the sum of eight hundred and
+forty-five pounds is distilled from out the peaty soil of my humble
+parish, under the denomination of great and small tithe.</p>
+
+<p>From the sound, one might be led to suppose that this sum was, in some
+slight way, connected with ecclesiastical purposes; and, by-the-bye,
+so it is exactly, for forty-three pounds go to the rector, and the
+remainder is distributed among three wealthy and noble families.</p>
+
+<p>At first, too, one might expect that this sum would, at all events,
+afford to pay for a permanent and resident clergyman, with a roof over
+his head, "be it ever so humble;" but no, the parish is but the
+receptacle for the luckless, roaming deacon, and its poor parishioners
+are ever doomed to be as sheep without a shepherd, and to be fleeced
+accordingly.</p>
+
+<p>Among these sabbatical circuits of mine, there was one which, though I
+shall be, more <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[100]</a></span>than usual, guilty of egotism, I do not wish to
+forget, it was so in keeping with the nature of the country&mdash;primitive
+and stern. It was the only time I was sensible of fatigue, though in
+the present instance I had not more than two churches to serve, nor
+was I under the necessity of walking more than half of the usual
+distance; but I was so ill with the influenza that I was doubtful of
+succeeding. Attempt it I would, for hitherto, though invariably
+hurried, I had never kept a congregation waiting for one moment.
+Having got upon my horse, I rode him forty miles across the moors, to
+my own church first: so far from fatiguing me, I found that the
+freshness of the air had considerably added to my strength: still, the
+exertion of reading would have proved too much, had not the singers,
+perceiving my weakness, good-naturedly chaunted the prayers which
+occur between the lessons, just giving me breathing time, and
+sufficient strength to finish the service. The instant this was over,
+I walked away for the other church, determined, at all events, to
+persevere, for in a whimsical mood I had ever resolved to perform the
+Sunday's duty punctually, in spite of time, tide, or anything else. As
+I crossed each field, I was obliged to get on the top of every gate in
+order to rest myself, notwithstanding the exertion of it. On coming to
+the fatal little stream in the valley <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[101]</a></span>which divided the parishes, I
+became sensible that I had no strength to clear it, and that, should I
+attempt it, a total submersion must inevitably be the result. I had no
+time to hesitate, so at once walked through the ford, though at the
+time I was in a profuse and faint-like perspiration.</p>
+
+<p>On reaching the church, I found myself to be in good time, but had not
+proceeded far in the service, when I discovered the clerk to be in
+such a state of drunkenness, as would have appeared to the least
+fastidious, blasphemous and repulsive. In this dilemma, I knew it
+would be useless to tell a noisy boisterous fellow to hold his tongue,
+so at once, quietly but quickly, reaching his book, I placed it in my
+reading-desk, and the fellow, without a murmur, resigned himself to
+his fate and went fast asleep. In spite of the check which my wet
+clothes might have occasioned, I was rapidly gaining strength, and, to
+my surprise, got easily through the duty.</p>
+
+<p>At the conclusion of the service, a labourer's wife came up to me with
+the usual fee between her finger and thumb, the price of being
+grateful to her God for safe deliverance in child-birth. She
+apparently deemed me out of my senses, and I had to tell her twice to
+keep back the shilling gained by the sweat of her husband's brow.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[102]</a></span>I had next to visit a dying man, and I had a dread of it. The poor
+fellow had been for many years an open and avowed infidel, and
+entertained an invincible hatred towards clergymen. He had, at last,
+consented to send for me, in compliance with the entreaties of his
+wife. Being an industrious man, he had realized sufficient to enable
+him to rent a very comfortable cottage, a cyder orchard, to keep a
+couple of cows, besides having by him a sum of ready money. A few
+years back, in assisting at the harvest, he had strained himself
+internally, and induced an atrophy. On asking the wife whether they
+were badly off, her sole reply was to take a cup from the
+chimney-piece, and show me, in heart-breaking silence, a sixpence and
+three half-pennies! Cows, money, and orchard&mdash;all had disappeared
+during a lingering illness,&mdash;and the poor old woman's inevitable fate
+was now to await the fast approaching death of a good husband, and
+then retire, for her few remaining and widowed years, to the workhouse
+of a distant parish!</p>
+
+<p>On speaking to him, I could not but admire his really gentlemanly
+self-possession, accompanied by a tone of respect and kindness. After
+I had finished the prayers for the visitation of the sick, I read a
+few others which I had copied out from some authors, selected by
+Paley, and beautiful compositions they are; the poor <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[103]</a></span>fellow sunk into
+an agony of grief, and I wish I had not read them. Was I wrong or not?
+I fear that I was, and am sorry for it; but we shall both know by and
+bye.</p>
+
+<p>On returning in the evening through my own church-yard, never was I so
+struck with its air of wretchedness. It was placed in the bottom of a
+swampy moor, confined on one side by the little decrepit old church,
+with its boarded steeple looking like a dog-hutch, and just small
+enough to hold three parts of a cracked bell, if I might judge from
+the tinkling of it. On another side, it was protected from the bitter
+blast by the poor-house, thus judiciously placed for the benefit of
+the invalided paupers. It was a dreary evening in February, and
+everything was looking chilly and black, except, by the bye, an early
+primrose peering out from the side of a crumbling tomb in the very
+darkest corner of the whole&mdash;that looked fresh and bright enough.</p>
+
+<p>I suspect the sort of humour I was now in, to have been occasioned
+either by my illness, the death-bed I had just witnessed, or the
+separation for a whole week to come from a person for whom I had
+lately found that I felt "a deep and tender friendship."</p>
+
+<p>About thirty miles from my parish, lived my nearest neighbours, and
+with whom I had become rather intimate. So much was this the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[104]</a></span>case,
+that this place gradually assumed the character of what I recollect
+"home" once used to have for me, many years ago. To this house I used
+frequently to canter over on a Sunday's evening with all the delight
+of a school-boy returning from a detested school.</p>
+
+<p>Until now I had thought that my benevolent host had here been my
+greatest friend; but there was another for whom, to my infinite
+surprise, I found that I felt far more intensely. Yet it was odd that,
+in her presence, I was apparently cold and inattentive, and thus,
+perhaps, it might have ever been, had she not unguardedly attracted my
+attention by what she meant for a severe rebuke. I happened to be
+walking with her and a gentleman whose wife had lately experienced, on
+some occasion, a narrow escape of her life; "and so Miss Bassett I had
+nearly become a gentleman free of incumbrance, and then I should have
+come and proposed to you."</p>
+
+<p>"But then I should have tried to thwart you, for the mere sake of
+opposition," was my rather too free and easy reply.</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, Mr. Graham," she answered, "you might have set your mind quite at
+rest on the subject, for I should have preferred Mr. Goodriche a
+thousand times before you."</p>
+
+<p>"For what possible reason, Miss Bassett?" I asked, in sober earnest.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[105]</a></span>"Because I could have led a quiet, happy life with him&mdash;now perhaps I
+might have liked you, and then you would have immediately behaved like
+a wretch, and broken my heart."</p>
+
+<br />
+<hr style="width: 15%;" />
+<br />
+
+<h4>FOOTNOTES:</h4>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p class="noin"><a name="Footnote_1_1" id="Footnote_1_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_1_1"><span class="label">[1]</span></a> One who kills game exclusively to lessen his butcher's
+bill.</p></div>
+
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<a name="CHAPTER_IIIb" id="CHAPTER_IIIb"></a><hr />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[106]</a></span><br />
+
+<h3>CHAPTER III.<span class="totoc"><a href="#toc">ToC</a></span></h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>It was on my way to London, in company with her father, that, as the
+sun rose, I caught a glimpse in the horizon of the hill, on the other
+side of which the abode of my family was situated&mdash;I may not call it
+home, for it is too true, that "without hearts there is no home."
+Still, how I must have loved the spot! its woods, its lawns, and its
+valleys! No sooner had the steamer touched at a port, than I left my
+luggage to go on with it as it might, and jumped out, in order to take
+one more peep at a place which set at defiance every recollection that
+I could force to rise up in judgment against it.</p>
+
+<p>Having walked twenty miles, I stopped at a public-house within a mile
+and a half of the place, for some refreshment, as well as to await the
+darkness of night. At ten o'clock I sallied forth, and the first of
+the paternal estate on which I trespassed was a large wood, every tree
+of which, I might say, was an old acquaintance.</p>
+
+<p>Here, then, what a contrast was I conscious of! Some years back, I
+used to range this <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[107]</a></span>very wood, the sworn friend of the keeper, in
+order to detect the poacher; and now I was listening to every rustle,
+and peering along the gloomy paths, lest I myself should be detected
+by my former ally. So much did my fears on this point increase on me,
+that I took to the open fields, and gained the park.</p>
+
+<p>Here at once, in spite of everything, I felt myself to be on my own
+property,&mdash;roaming about in ecstacy&mdash;visiting every tree that I had
+planted and fenced round years ago. Each of these I pruned, and even
+had the temerity to steal into the green-house, which was close to the
+library, and procure the gardener's saw, with which I climbed up into
+an old Scotch fir, and dismembered a large limb which over-hung and
+injured a lime-tree I had planted in the dell below. Having sawed the
+limb into portable pieces, I concealed the whole in an adjoining
+plantation.</p>
+
+<p>Notwithstanding the lights in the windows evinced that the inmates had
+not yet retired to rest, I sauntered over every part of the lawn, and
+at last walked directly up to the drawing-room window. The blind was
+down, but the shutters unclosed. By stooping close to the ground, and
+peeping beneath the blind, I could survey the whole room.</p>
+
+<p>Here were two daughters and their father. The eldest was fast asleep
+in an arm-chair; the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[108]</a></span>younger one working, and their father, as usual
+reading a volume of Sir Walter Scott, the well known binding of which
+I at once recognised. I could not get a sight of his face, for the
+book he held before him; but I saw his forehead and thin silvery hair.</p>
+
+<p>What was now my surprise, to hear a carriage, at this time of the
+night, driving towards the house! I instantly placed myself behind a
+tree, close to the road-side. Curious to state, at that very spot the
+carriage suddenly stopped, and I might have touched it with my hand.
+The horses had gibbed, owing to the steepness of the ascent; and on
+her inquiring into the cause, I immediately recognised the voice of
+another daughter, who, with her husband, was coming on a visit to her
+father from a distant county.</p>
+
+<p>I now returned to my public-house, and was off at dawn in a coach for
+town. Byron felt from experience, when he sighed, "and oh, the utter
+solitude of passing your own door without a welcome, finding your
+hearth turned into a tombstone, and around it the ashes of your early
+hopes, lying cold and deserted."</p>
+
+<p>In all and each of my various excursions, in foul weather or in fair,
+I had ever one invariable companion. This was my horse, and his name
+was Clodhopper. He was a light <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[109]</a></span>bay, with a pale face. Our intimacy
+commenced under the following circumstances:</p>
+
+<p>One Saturday afternoon I was staying on a visit with a family, many
+miles from my church, and being therefore in great need of a horse, I
+at once went to look through the stables of an extensive horse-dealer
+in a neighbouring town. Having ascertained the price of several
+likely-looking horses, I ordered a large powerful one, for better
+examination, to be led into the yard. It was not unnecessary in this
+case; for the animal had one totally-extinguished and
+dreadfully-disfigured eye, a broken knee, both fore-legs fired, and a
+conspicuous spavin.</p>
+
+<p>"He's a little blemished, Mr. Turner," I observed.</p>
+
+<p>"Why, how, Sir, can you, or any other gentleman, expect to see a
+great, fine, upstanding horse like that ere, but what has a some'ut?"</p>
+
+<p>But as I did, I requested to see another. For this one he asked but
+eighteen pounds. With my own eyes I could see that he stood above
+fifteen hands, was only just coming six, and was a strong, hardy
+animal, with a written warranty for soundness. All this being quite
+clear, I could not possibly account for the lowness of the price,
+otherwise than by feeling quite confident that there must be "a
+some'ut."</p>
+
+<p>While thus deliberating, "Mr. Graham," said the dealer, "will you mind
+what I says? You'll <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[110]</a></span>never be married&mdash;you never can make up your mind
+to nothun, I see."</p>
+
+<p>On my getting into the saddle, to try him along a few streets, Mr.
+Turner added this very disinterested advice&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Now, don't you go and hammer a good horse like that ere over the hard
+stones. A parcel of little ragged, dirty-nosed boys, run athwart, and
+upsots a respectable individual."</p>
+
+<p>I did hammer him, wasn't "upsot," and bought Clodhopper.</p>
+
+<p>There were two accomplishments in which I think he was
+unrivalled&mdash;falling down without breaking his knees, and in running
+backwards. In performing the first feat, which, on an average,
+occurred twice in three weeks, he fell, without a moment's hesitation,
+directly on his head, and instantly took a somersault on his back; so
+that literally he never had time to break his knees, though he broke
+the saddle now and then. The second, he could perform at a frightful
+pace; and the more one whipped and spurred, the faster he would go,
+and never stop till he came in contact with something. One of these I
+suspect to have been the "some'ut"&mdash;unless, by-the-bye, it had been
+the whooping-cough, or something very like it.</p>
+
+<p>But Clodhopper's chief recommendation was, that whether in winter or
+in summer, with oats or without them, he was ever the same&mdash;stoical
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[111]</a></span>and indefatigable, so long as he was on the top of his legs. When
+eventually I had no further use for his services, I sold him for a
+leader to a coach proprietor, for seventeen pounds and a dozen of bad
+champagne; but I fear that the unfortunate wheeler in his rear must,
+by this time, have tumbled over him a lamentable number of times.</p>
+
+<p>There was another rather prominent character in my establishment. This
+was "Old Bob."</p>
+
+<p>The master whom he served was a neighbouring farmer, but I frequently
+obtained his services. His appearance was that of a veteran bull-dog,
+seamed with the traces of youthful strife, but in reality he was a
+pointer. Unfortunately, too, in his younger days, the stable-door had
+jambed his tail off within two inches of its origin, but still Bob
+flattered himself that it was a tail, for he affected to brush the
+flies away with it.</p>
+
+<p>I think he had a high opinion of my shooting, for, whenever I was so
+inclined, he despised the society of any one else. As he was a selfish
+fellow, I suspect that I was indebted for his services to interested
+motives. He was a pot-hunter, like myself, and would instantly swallow
+anything I shot, could he but reach it first. He could certainly trot
+very fast, but that was the best pace he could accomplish, and had we
+anything like a fair start, I could distance him; <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[112]</a></span>and so convinced
+did he become of this, that the moment he found me abreast of him, he
+would give up the race in despair.</p>
+
+<p>Considering this and other infirmities, for he was stone deaf and very
+near-sighted, he was highly creditable to his profession.</p>
+
+<p>Though he frequently found game under his very nose, he was perfectly
+aware, though his mouth watered to taste it, that he had not a chance
+until I came up and shot it. He was, in consequence, the staunchest
+dog in the country. Only once, in this respect, did I know him guilty
+of a breach of decorum, and that too, I must say, under very
+aggravating circumstances.</p>
+
+<p>One sultry day, at the expense of a great deal of time, and still more
+trouble, he had carefully footed an old cock pheasant round three
+sides of a very extensive field, and at last brought him to a
+stand-still in a bunch of nettles, and was now patiently waiting for
+me to come up and help him. In the meantime, an unfortunate terrier
+had chanced upon the trail of the pheasant, and now came yapping along
+the ditch as hard as he could scamper. Of course, Bob being as deaf as
+a post, was quite unaware of this circumstance, and as the terrier
+brushed rudely by him, poor Bob looked so mortified! He wasn't going
+to find game for him, so "the devil take the hindmost," became <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[113]</a></span>the
+order of the day, and had I not shot the pheasant, which they put up
+between them, Bob was so angry that he would have wrung the very soul
+out of little Whisky.</p>
+
+<p>After the fatigues of a long day, Bob was dozing in the farm-yard,
+when the team arrived in the evening from market. Nobody saw Bob, and
+Bob couldn't hear the wagon, which the next moment passed over his
+neck, and broke it.</p>
+
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<a name="CHAPTER_IVb" id="CHAPTER_IVb"></a><hr />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[114]</a></span><br />
+
+<h3>CHAPTER IV.<span class="totoc"><a href="#toc">ToC</a></span></h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>The sole thing connected with my days on this spot, attended by a
+satisfactory feeling, is the remembrance of my long and quiet
+evenings, when I did happen to spend the week in the parish. It was
+the only period of my life that I read to any effect, and I must own,
+that even then it was no fault of mine, for it was impossible to do
+otherwise.</p>
+
+<p>I used to rise at one o'clock in the afternoon, and go to bed at five
+the next morning. As to late hours, as it is termed, I have no sort of
+compunction, so long as I do not spend more than the necessary quantum
+of the twenty-four in bed.</p>
+
+<p>I was agreeably surprised with the number of works I crept through;
+among which, my favourites were Byron's works throughout, with his
+life by Moore; Butler's Analogy, White's Farriery, and Dwight's
+Theology, which last is as full of poetry as Childe Harold.</p>
+
+<p>The last half hour of each night or morning, I invariably enjoyed with
+my feet on the fender, in dreamy contemplation of the past, wreathed
+in the fumes of a cigar, and soothed <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[115]</a></span>by the lowly and desultory
+murmurs of the geese in the straw-yard beneath my window.</p>
+
+<p>At the distance of about two miles from me, was Winthra, a seat of his
+Grace the Duke of Northumberland. Though the smallest of his several
+domains, it was the most beautiful; nor was it diminutive, being six
+miles in circumference. This paradise was placed in the centre of a
+country which was hideous in the extreme. Here then, was "the diamond
+of the desert."</p>
+
+<p>We may remember that, in olden times, the amorous Edgar, on the fame
+of Ordulph's lovely daughter, despatched a confidant to her distant
+home in order to ascertain whether her beauty was of such
+transcendency as report declared it.</p>
+
+<p>In this spot, then, the ancient seat of the Earls of Devon, the future
+queen, Elfrida, lived. A park it has ever been, from that day to this;
+and as one winds his silent steps between the stems of the giant and
+ruined oaks, the impression is, that here the spirits of Druids linger
+and roam as the last refuge left them untouched by the hand of man.</p>
+
+<p>It contained the two sides of an extensive valley, sweeping gradually
+down to the Winthra, a beautiful trout-stream murmuring along the
+ravine. The only inhabitant of the enormous mansion was a worn out and
+pensioned butler; so that my sole companions of the solitude were <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[116]</a></span>the
+deer, and these being never or seldom meddled with, had increased to
+multitudes; and when one observed the huge and lofty walls with which
+the whole was shut in, he felt indeed in Rasselas's happy valley.</p>
+
+<p>Here, then, have I passed days and days, without seeing one soul,
+reading, sketching, fishing, and bathing. Only once was I sensible of
+an intruder.</p>
+
+<p>One bright moonlight night, I was passing along by the banks of the
+stream, when I observed on the other side something which I was
+confident, from familiar acquaintance with the spot, was not wont to
+be there. As it was lying on the pebbly beach, partly in the chequered
+shade of a beech-tree, and partly in the water, I was totally at a
+loss to imagine what it might be, but had a strong foreboding that it
+was a human body. A little lower down there was a shallow, through
+which I passed; and on reaching the spot, I must acknowledge that I
+was equally horrified to find that the object of my anxiety was a
+freshly-killed deer. The poor thing had evidently come here to drink,
+when it had been seized upon by some dog; and I cannot express my
+mixture of rage and remorse as I watched the damp, warm vapour slowly
+rising from the lacerated and bloody flank, and contemplated the
+beautiful <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[117]</a></span>but dimmed eye, glazed by the pale moonlight. Our peaceful
+sanctuary was violated!</p>
+
+<p>I borrowed the very old gun of the very old butler, and watched for
+the moment of my revenge till daybreak, but it was never satiated.</p>
+
+<p>A few months after this, having received an invitation to a delightful
+residence near the sea, and at the same time to meet some families of
+the county, among whom was to be "my own dear somebody," Seymour and I
+had set off in high glee with such a break in the monotony of our
+monastic habits.</p>
+
+<p>That afternoon, then, I was riding by the side of this "somebody." A
+sort of confidence had arisen between us, very delightful and
+unaccountable; except simply that, on one side of me, as I rode along
+the edge of the cliffs, there was the Atlantic looking lowering and
+stormy, mingled in the horizon with the still drearier sky, broken or
+relieved by the contrast of a very lovely girl.</p>
+
+<p>At this moment it was blowing and raining heavily, and, as she
+cantered along, my admiration of her was anything but diminished, when
+I witnessed the cheerful and good-natured indifference with which she
+treated a boisterous day of "bleak and chill December."</p>
+
+<p>Being an ardent sort of little personage, she had been descanting with
+considerable animation and enthusiasm on a subject which affected <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[118]</a></span>her
+deeply. Her hair, completely dripping, was hanging down her cheek, now
+freshened by the coldness of the pelting rain. I cannot conceive how
+anything could look more beautiful than this girl did at that moment.
+At the same time though she appeared serious and melancholy, and, I
+think, a little out of humour too, while her hat, which was too large
+for her, had, from the wet, become quite shapeless, and appeared
+pressed down over her face, so that I could not forbear laughing, in
+spite of everything, though at the moment I felt wofully wretched!</p>
+
+<p>Interrupting herself, and looking up towards the clouds, she pointed
+out to me, with her whip, a portion of blue sky, perhaps intimating a
+cessation of the storm. Regardless of either, I coolly as
+thoughtlessly put my hand out to take hers! but owing to the action of
+our horses, missed it. She never saw the attempt, and I narrowly
+escaped making a great fool of myself.</p>
+
+<p>The most egregious act of folly, I think, a man can be guilty of, is
+to allow himself to meet with "a refusal."</p>
+
+<p>We may easily have tact enough to know, beforehand, the real state and
+probable result of the case.</p>
+
+<p>In the present one, this girl and her family would have seen me at the
+bottom of the Red Sea, ere my hopes and wishes on the subject <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[119]</a></span>had met
+with, "a consummation so devoutly to be wished."</p>
+
+<p>Two days afterwards, I was standing once more on the deck of a
+steamer, with my carpet-bag at my feet, bound for a foreign port.</p>
+
+<p>The Church I have resigned for ever&mdash;my parish, Winthra Park, both
+deserted&mdash;and my humble abode! "its hearth is desolate."</p>
+
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[120]</a></span><br />
+<a name="CHAPTER_Ic" id="CHAPTER_Ic"></a><hr />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[121]</a></span><br />
+
+<h2>BOOK THE THIRD.</h2>
+
+<h3>CHAPTER I.<span class="totoc"><a href="#toc">ToC</a></span></h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>We are aware that, when we "train up a child in the way he should go,
+he will not depart from it;" but fortunately, when it is that in which
+he ought not to go, he certainly will depart from it when he can.</p>
+
+<p>Thus having consumed nearly half my life&mdash;at all events, the <i>better</i>
+half&mdash;at a public school and the University, preparatory to a
+profession, my antipathy for which was exactly proportioned by my
+inaptitude for it, the sole result is, that I can now answer to the
+definition of a real gentleman, "one who has no visible means of a
+maintenance."</p>
+
+<p>I begin to suspect, then, that it may be, now and then, just worth
+while to condescend and observe how a child's disposition may incline
+him to go; and though, as an humble disciple of John Locke, I am quite
+sensible of the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[122]</a></span>absurdity of "innate ideas," yet it is very evident
+that, at an early period of our lives, we evince traits which are
+infallibly indicative of the bent of our dispositions, which are just
+as our natures may have been constituted, and this bent is better
+known by the name of genius.</p>
+
+<p>Now it has been beneficently, and I will say beautifully ordained,
+that an individual, by gratifying this instinctive impulse of his
+genius, not only augments his own happiness, but that of his species
+also, and, I sometimes fondly hope, even that of the Creator himself.</p>
+
+<p>Over an extent of country is distributed a variety of soils, one
+adapted for one kind of produce, another for another, and the
+aggregate may amount to so much. Counteract this arrangement, and
+surely the result will be far inferior. Indeed, where is the
+agriculturist who is not strictly attentive as well as acquiescent to
+this tendency?</p>
+
+<p>How exactly, then, do I imagine this to apply to the variety of
+dispositions among ourselves; and if we follow, with regard to their
+natures, the same economy, then shall we see how simply true it is,
+that when we train up a child in the way he <i>should</i> go, he will not
+depart from it.</p>
+
+<p>The conviction of this truth makes me curious to ascertain the way I
+ought to have gone; not that I am unaware of my present tastes, but
+which, probably, are the mere effects of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[123]</a></span>education, and consequent
+and acquired habits, while my early ones have long since been lost or
+"warped by the kind severity of the pedagogue."</p>
+
+<p>Possessing a tolerable memory with regard to events, I will, then,
+just rummage about its lumber-room, and see if I cannot tumble out
+some long-forgotten recollection on the subject, if I may so express
+myself; but I sincerely trust that it may not turn out to be a
+tendency for the poet, or some such inclination incompatible with the
+fortunes of the youngest of younger brothers.</p>
+
+<p>After some pains to effect this object, I fear I must conclude that I
+have never evinced any marked genius, one way or another, unless it be
+for that of the vagrant! What a shock to my theory!</p>
+
+<p>Though an idle boy, I was ever a restless one. Whenever I had an
+opportunity, I was certain to give my nursery-maid the slip, and
+ramble through the fields and coppices, though at the cost of a
+whipping, or, at all events, the deprivation of my supper. I could
+never see a distant hill, but I longed to reach its summit to see what
+was on the other side; and had I been more conversant with holy writ,
+I should have been ever sighing, "O, that I had wings like the dove,
+for then would I flee away and be at rest." In short, every spot in
+the distance <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[124]</a></span>seemed to be more sunny and delightful than that which I
+at the moment occupied. For hours would I lean my forehead against the
+cold glass of the nursery window, and contemplate the noble hill that
+swelled in the horizon. There, I had no doubt, was the end of the
+world. Then would I conjecture whether it were possible to get there
+and back again, and whether life was long enough for such a voyage. I
+then fixed my eye on a large beech-tree&mdash;which, blessings on it, is
+still standing&mdash;that I conjectured to be placed about midway. I next
+counted the number of fields between us, in which I included the lawn.
+I knew that it was not a very great voyage to traverse this last to
+the Ha-ha and back. Following up these data, I arrived at the
+astounding conclusion that the whole original expedition might be
+accomplished in one day!</p>
+
+<p>This, then, I had resolved to do; but which, after many failures, I
+never accomplished until several years subsequently, when I determined
+not only to effect this distance, four whole miles, but to push on to
+the sea-side, seventeen miles beyond. Now, this was a voyage, and I
+designed to perform it unknown to any one. As I was ignorant of the
+probable duration of such an undertaking, I was anxious to take a
+sufficient wardrobe, and therefore required a valise; but not being
+able to procure one, I <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[125]</a></span>purloined a long leather-legging of my
+father's, buttoned it up, and stuffed it with my clothes, and which
+now, when turned in at the ends, and strapped to the saddle with the
+buttons downward, would have imposed itself as a respectable valise on
+the most experienced "travelling gentleman." The next morning, I rose
+before the sun, and squeezing through the bars of the stable window,
+threw out the saddle and bridle, went into the park up to my knees in
+dew, caught poor little Forester, and was away, while all at home were
+still fast asleep.</p>
+
+<p>"Men are but children of a larger growth;" and in lieu of Horsa's-hill
+in front of my home, I have now extended my ambition to a region,
+which, let me confess, without any particular reason, I have pictured
+to myself as the nucleus of glaciers and avalanches&mdash;of mountains and
+mighty rivers. At all events, thither will I now hasten, if it was
+only to support my theory&mdash;at any rate, that I may enjoy the credit of
+being throughout a consistent character&mdash;though, by-the-bye, I might
+just as well have been the dreaded poet!</p>
+
+<p>On examining my map, I found that the shortest way to the spot I had
+in view was to go across the paddock and the Downs for the sea-side,
+where I went on board for St. Malo, and from this corner of France I
+must find my way across to Geneva, at the other corner.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[126]</a></span>The passage across the Channel was, as I expected, far from agreeable;
+for when a man wishes his "native land good night" in single
+blessedness, with but a slender purse in his pocket&mdash;and as his
+country's shores diminish, while sea-sickness increases&mdash;he cannot but
+cast a lingering look towards the scene of his youth far behind him,
+which he is leaving, perhaps for ever, to wander he knows not whither.</p>
+
+<p>Thus have I paid for that liberty, which has enabled me to explore my
+solitary way through the most interesting countries of Europe. During
+my pilgrimage, as I have traversed the monotonous plains of La Vende&eacute;,
+the awful grandeur of the Alps, and the lovely yet sublime scenery of
+Italy, under every aspect&mdash;in summer and in winter, in sunshine and in
+storm&mdash;so have I, at times, been elated by the buoyant hopes of the
+present, as well as bowed down to the dust when I looked forward to
+the future. I have risen with the sun, my spirits vying with the
+freshness of the dawn; but how often "has my sun of hope set without a
+ray, while the dark night of dim despair shadowed only phantoms!"
+Alone, and on foot, I have accomplished thousands of miles over
+France, Piedmont, Savoy, Switzerland, Tyrol, Lombardy, and Italy&mdash;I
+have toiled along the dusty road, beneath the noontide heat of an
+Italian sun, or wandered over trackless Alpine heights through <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[127]</a></span>the
+midnight storm&mdash;have rested on princely couches, or on the wheaten
+straw of the peasant&mdash;I have joined the mazourka in palaces, or the
+tarantala in the wilds of Calabria&mdash;I have revelled in the scenery of
+Claude, or brooded over the lofty solitudes of Salvator Rosa and the
+brigand&mdash;I have experienced the frivolity of France, the dissipation
+of Florence, the profligacy of the Venetian, the degeneracy of the
+Roman, and vindictiveness of the Neapolitan, the insincerity of the
+impoverished noble, and the truth of honest poverty&mdash;I have wondered
+in the gaudy sanctuary of the Papist, teeming with devotees, or
+pondered amid the nobler simplicity of the Heathen's Temple in the
+deserts of malaria.</p>
+
+<p>Like the Bohemian, I had, indeed, dearly purchased this liberty! at
+the cost of every tie, even of religion itself, though perhaps
+unconscious of it at the time. I then enjoyed robust health, the
+main-spring of scepticism. Deprived, then, of the source of true
+happiness, and without any defined object in view, the career before
+me was a dreary one&mdash;though for the present my spirits were buoyed up
+by the excitement attendant upon novelty.</p>
+
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<a name="CHAPTER_IIc" id="CHAPTER_IIc"></a><hr />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[128]</a></span><br />
+
+<h3>CHAPTER II.<span class="totoc"><a href="#toc">ToC</a></span></h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>My main guide through France was the Loire, which led me by a
+meandering route of nearly five hundred miles to the neighbourhood of
+Lyons.</p>
+
+<p>Knowing, at that time, so little of the language of those who
+surrounded me, as actually to envy the fluency of a parrot which I
+heard chattering with, I suspect, the true Parisian accent, I can
+scarcely account for the feeling of thorough nonchalance with which I
+commenced my pilgrimage, and which ever accompanied me to its
+conclusion. It was seldom even that I was sensible of loneliness,
+though I must bear witness to the almost inspired truth of the poet,
+when he says:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"But midst the crowd, the hum, the shock of men,<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">To hear, to see, to feel, and to possess,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And roam along, the world's tired denizen,<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">With none who bless us, none whom we can bless,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">This is to be alone&mdash;this, this is solitude!"<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p class="noin">And no one but the solitary pedestrian, entering a crowded city in a
+foreign land, can know this intense loneliness; but&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"To climb the trackless mountain all unseen,<br /></span><span class='pn'><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[129]</a></span>
+<span class="i3">With the wild flock that never needs a fold;<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Alone o'er steeps and foaming falls to lean,<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">This is not solitude;"<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p class="noin">and I could scarcely feel that I had even left my home, when, towards
+the termination of my first day's walk, I came suddenly upon our old
+friend Blue Beard's Castle! Le Chateau de Barbe Bleu, as it was here
+designated. Not only was I for the instant transported back to my own
+country, but to the very nursery; for here, "once upon a time," lived
+the original and redoubted Blue Beard, the dreaded hero of our nursery
+romance; and, doubtless, I enjoyed the same lovely and peaceful
+prospect, though with somewhat different feelings, as "Sister Anne"
+some centuries foregone.</p>
+
+<p>Never, by any event, were my early days brought so vividly fresh
+before my mind's eye, as at this moment. In those times, to my
+recollection, the sun seemed to have been ever shining, the birds ever
+singing, the trees ever in leaf, and everyone equally kind, and it
+turns out to be but a silvery regretted dream, never to be re-dreamed.
+But I comforted myself with the reflection of a better man&mdash;"after
+all, the same blue sky bends o'er all of us, though the point above me
+might as well beam a little brighter blue." But I have found even an
+Italian sky to pall at last, to let us have as <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[130]</a></span>pleasing a variety of
+cloud and sunshine, as the better taste of Providence will afford us
+during our little day, and let us be content.</p>
+
+<p>But the impartiality of Providence towards us in this respect, is very
+conspicuous, or a little examination into the subject will clear away
+what few doubts we may entertain concerning it; otherwise, we might
+feel a difficulty in reconciling the various degrees of happiness
+which we are apt to suppose prevailed throughout the world, or to
+exist at present between different persons, with our notions of
+justice, when we revert from the present refined and peaceful period,
+to those of barbarism and bloodshed, or think of the pampered alderman
+and the overworked and starving pauper.</p>
+
+<p>Has, then, the general happiness of mankind actually varied with
+different epochs? Were the lauded golden ages so much brighter than
+these of the baser metal? No more so, perhaps, than, in spite of
+Homer's assertion, were the heroes who contended on the plains of Troy
+superior in stature or force to those on the plains of Waterloo. As
+the human constitution accommodates itself to all climes, so our sense
+of felicity fits itself to external circumstances; and thus the
+quantity of happiness, or rather, sense of enjoyment, existing at
+various ages of the world, may not have differed more than that which
+we suppose to exist between <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[131]</a></span>contemporaneous individuals; and this
+cannot be very great when we doubt whether the peasant would barter
+his poverty for the wealth of the prince, on the condition, also, of
+adding to his own years the fifteen or twenty additional winters that
+have silvered the hair of his superior. Thus, at all events, a few
+fleeting years annihilates the extremes of their lot.</p>
+
+<p>The truth is, the cup of happiness is very limited, and that of most
+men as replete as their sense of enjoyment can admit of; more than
+this is superfluous, wasted, and unappreciated, or even, as it were,
+condensed by the feeling of satiety which ensues; while, on the other
+hand, the rarer sources of happiness to another man will expand and
+fill the cup, blessed as he is with an "elasticity of spirits."
+Happiness, too, being for the most part placed in perspective, becomes
+equally distant or inaccessible to all, and seems to have been
+purposely placed beyond our reach for the same reason that the old man
+feigned to have concealed the treasure beneath the soil in order that
+his sons might become rich by the culture of it, which they
+necessarily, though unwittingly, effected in their search for the
+gold; and thus our only happiness consists in our efforts to attain
+the same, though the instant we become sensible of this, we find that
+we have then indeed exhausted the cup, and like the rest that have
+done so before <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[132]</a></span>us, take a long breath, and sigh, "all is vanity!" and
+begin to think more intently and exclusively about the attainment of
+our wishes in another world; for&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Quand on a tout perdu, quand on n'a plus d'espoir,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">La vie est un opprobre, et la mort un devoir."<br /></span>
+<span class="i12 sc">Voltaire.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>I think that our Creator never meant us to be contented, and that we
+should always have something to look forward to and fret about&mdash;"It is
+thy vocation, Hal,"&mdash;or we sink into apathy, and become averse to the
+prospect of the last great change. "Well, Mr. Graham," said a once
+contented, but now expiring Nimrod to me, "after all you have said,
+give me a thousand a-year, and the old bald-faced mare again, and I
+don't care if I never see the kingdom of Heaven." Or, as Johnson
+parodied the enjoyment of the savage&mdash;"With this cow by my side, and
+this grass at my feet, what can a bull wish for more?" Contentment!
+Nothing with vitality must, or ever will be contented, save a
+vegetable, or a toad in the centre of a rock, and he probably is
+sighing, with Sterne's starling, "I can't get out!"</p>
+
+<p>Occupation seems to be the original, or true source of all enjoyment;
+though for this word I would substitute that of progress, and implying
+successful occupation. My friend and I <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[133]</a></span>each possess an estate of six
+thousand pounds, but the former lately possessed twenty thousand, and
+I nothing. Which of us is now the more happily situated?</p>
+
+<p>Hence arises the happiness of the saint-like and self-denying hermit;
+his complaint, "I can't get out!" lasts as long as he does, while he
+progresses with every flying moment; and conversely, the most unhappy
+man is the idle and irreligious one. Happiness was mingled with sorrow
+when Gibbon penned this most interesting but melancholy passage on the
+termination of twenty years' incessant labour, and which should give
+us a deep insight into the philosophy of life.</p>
+
+<p>"It was," says he, "on the day, or rather night, of the 27th of June,
+1787, between the hours of eleven and twelve, that I wrote the last
+lines of the last page, in a summer-house in my garden. After laying
+down my pen, I took several turns in a <i>berceau</i>, or covered walk of
+acacias, which commands a prospect of the country, the lake, and the
+mountains. The air was temperate, the sky was serene; the silver orb
+of the moon was reflected from the waters, and all nature was silent.
+I will not dissemble the first emotions of joy on the recovery of my
+freedom, and perhaps the establishment of my fame. But my pride was
+soon humbled, and a sober melancholy was spread over my mind, by <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[134]</a></span>the
+idea that I had taken an everlasting leave of an old and agreeable
+companion; and that whatsoever might be the future fate of my history,
+the life of the historian might be short and precarious."</p>
+
+<p>Othello's <i>occupation</i> was gone. I made a pilgrimage to this spot on
+the banks of the Lake of Geneva, and reached it towards the close of a
+summer's evening, and saw all as the historian had described it; on
+returning the next morning, the arbour and its creepers were lying
+prostrate on the ground!</p>
+
+<p>But the general and more prosperous lot&mdash;for a beneficent Creator has
+willed a preponderance of happiness&mdash;is pictured by, probably, the
+most pertinent and poetical simile ever devised. Keeping in view the
+career of man on earth, "the river," says Pliny, "springs from the
+earth, but its origin is in heaven. Its beginnings are insignificant,
+and its infancy frivolous; it plays among the flowers of a meadow; it
+waters a garden, or turns a little mill. Gathering strength in its
+youth, it sometimes becomes wild and impetuous. Impatient of the
+restraints it meets with in the hollows among the mountains, it is,
+perhaps, restless and turbulent, quick in its turnings, and unsteady
+in its course. In its more advanced age, it comes abroad into the
+world, journeying with more prudence and discretion, through
+cultivated <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[135]</a></span>fields; and no longer headstrong in its course, but
+yielding to circumstances, it winds round what would trouble it to
+overcome and remove. It passes through populous cities, and all the
+busy haunts of man, tendering its services on every side, and becoming
+the support and ornament of the country. Now increased by numerous
+alliances, and advanced in its course, it loves peace and quiet, and
+in majestic silence rolls on its mighty waters, until it is laid to
+rest in the vast abyss."</p>
+
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<a name="CHAPTER_IIIc" id="CHAPTER_IIIc"></a><hr />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[136]</a></span><br />
+
+<h3>CHAPTER III.<span class="totoc"><a href="#toc">ToC</a></span></h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>So long as I followed the course of the Loire, I was each day
+surrounded, though not by magnificent, yet by a beautiful and happy
+kind of scenery; but as often as I quitted its banks for a few days,
+in order that I might pursue a more direct line towards the mountains
+of Savoy, which now began dimly to appear in the horizon, so often was
+I compelled to pass over a level and treeless soil, and with the
+captive of twenty years imprisonment, when led into the street only to
+be executed at the other end, I began to sigh, "O, that I might but
+look on a green tree once more!" And I shall long remember the
+cheerful and delightful sensation, as I again drew near the verdant
+tracts, and then listened to the distant sound of the rapid Loire.</p>
+
+<p>During one of these detours, but through a well-wooded plain, on my
+way towards the old city of Bourges, I had long been pacing through a
+deep and dusty lane formed purposely to exclude every breath of air,
+while the sun appeared to be heaping coals of fire on my devoted head.
+I was at length compelled to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[137]</a></span>sit down considerably affected by the
+intense heat and leg-weariness. The day was now somewhat advanced,
+while, to all appearance, there was no termination to the silent
+woods, or, perhaps, forests on every side.</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"A night in the greenwood spent,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Is but to-morrow's merriment;"<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p class="noin">but I was now so annoyed by thirst that I was again compelled to rise
+and persevere in toiling on my way, until I was so fortunate as to
+meet with a man, whose rough and wild exterior portended anything or
+everything sooner than such satisfactory tidings as I was sufficiently
+ingenious to extract from him. Conducting me a little in advance, he
+pointed towards a distant but gigantic cross, rearing itself up into
+the blue sky, and then left me, apparently confident that I should
+find everything needful at the foot of that cross.</p>
+
+<p>Having reached this in about half an hour, I observed a monastery
+situated in a valley beneath me. This, then, I conjectured was to be
+my <i>auberge</i>; for, on looking around, nothing was to be seen save the
+aforesaid interminable glades, and, what was still somewhat
+perplexing, the monastery itself was apparently tenantless. Having
+seated myself in the shade, in order to contemplate some contrivance
+by which, in a respectful manner, I might gain admittance and reveal
+my necessities, during perhaps an <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[138]</a></span>hour's suspense, I recognised not a
+token of habitation, until at length a bell lazily tolled, and echoed
+among the solitary woods.</p>
+
+<p>Descending into the valley, I now approached the portal, within which
+I found a person with a brown freckled face, enveloped in a cowl of
+the same colour, seated motionless on a cold stone bench behind the
+gate. For the instant, I was the rude Gaul, surveying the mysterious
+senator of the forum; but without insulting his beard, or wasting
+words on the subject, I followed my silent conductor through several
+extensive corridors, into a spacious and very habitable salon, where a
+remarkable and interesting person shortly made his appearance,
+approaching with his hand proffered in token of welcome, while his
+face beamed with everything one could imagine to be associated with
+benevolence and charity. He seemed to divine by instinct that I was an
+Englishman, as promptly as he did by my embarrassment that I was no
+Frenchman, addressing me in my own language with great fluency,
+though, as was to be expected, with a considerable accent. Informing
+me that I was welcome to his monastery, he withdrew to order some
+refreshment. Returning shortly with a monk, he announced my supper;
+and I shall not forget the sense of humiliation I experienced, when
+compelled to sit at table and be attended on by two persons, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[139]</a></span>each of
+whom was half a century my senior, and one of them that might grace
+the proudest aristocracy of Europe, of which, indeed, this abbot, Pere
+Antoine, was once a member in his youthful days, at the court of Louis
+XV.</p>
+
+<p>The monk who had now joined us proved to be my countryman, which
+circumstance had induced his Superior to grant him the indulgence of
+entertaining the stranger. I may be permitted to say indulgence, for,
+with a face glowing with delight, he let me know that he had not
+listened to his native tongue for fifteen years.</p>
+
+<p>My supper consisted of broth, potatoes, and artichokes, which also
+comprised my breakfast, as well as dinner, during my sojourn of three
+days in this monastery, where they esteem even fish and eggs to be too
+carnal. Such is the austerity of their lives, that this monk, who was
+their physician, informed me that it required three entire years to
+become inured to it, but that those who stood the ordeal mostly
+attained a very great age. Their clothing, food, and medicines are
+each confined to such as they themselves can manufacture from the
+produce of the surrounding acres, of which they are the cultivators.
+As the sun went down, the Abbot and his companion, wishing me
+good-night, retired to rest. On approaching the window, I observed
+another monk sauntering from the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[140]</a></span>burial-ground, where, with his
+hands, in conformity to their daily custom, he had been scooping out
+his final resting-place.</p>
+
+<p>Never have I been so conscious of intense loneliness and solitude! It
+was now about midnight, and the moon was shining brightly on the Abbey
+lake. Not a leaf was stirring, and all things as still as death, while
+the clear evening star shone cold and motionless over the dark edge of
+the forest, towering black and gloomy in the silent distance. I was as
+"the last man." Not a soul was breathing nearer to me than the poor
+old monks, who, hours ago, had crept to their dormitory in the
+farthest cloister of the Abbey.</p>
+
+<p>The order among whom I was, was that of La Trappe, which is by far the
+most austere sect in Christendom. They allow themselves but five
+hours' sleep, and that on a bare board, without putting off their
+clothes. They perform masses each morning, from half-past two until
+six o'clock; they deny themselves any meat whatever, their meal
+invariably consisting of some oaten bread, with a little poor wine of
+their own growing, disguised in water; and&mdash;they never speak!</p>
+
+<p>When we reflect that what is not only the great characteristic between
+man and the brute, but perhaps the most wonderful and beneficent gift
+of God to man should be thus rejected, we <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[141]</a></span>cannot but be possessed
+with a very sorry opinion of such an unjustifiable institution.</p>
+
+<p>I have now spent a few days with two of them, both of whom were as
+agreeable, truly well-bred men, as I ever met with; but what is the
+more remarkable is that these two old men, who have lived, or rather
+but just existed under such privations, were as good-tempered,
+kind-hearted old persons, as it is capable for human frailty to
+attain; and when we consider that each day is a day of penance, and
+that, too, a monotonous penance, with not a prospect beyond their
+walls, and none within, save their burial-ground, perhaps there is
+nothing in the character of man so unaccountable as such overwhelming
+immolation, unless it be that they esteem this life as so
+insignificant, such a nothingness in comparison to eternity, and that
+endless glories are to be earned by, comparatively speaking, momentary
+deprivation, that they endure it as martyrs. And when, as I was, in
+the stillness of the crumbling Abbey, while its bell tolled the hour
+and reverberated through the courts and deserted cloisters, I
+remembered that these poor old men, so kind, so hospitable to the
+stranger, so denying, so unsparing to themselves, had here buried
+their youth under such belief, I could not but from my heart wish them
+compensation as extreme as their delusion.</p>
+
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<a name="CHAPTER_IVc" id="CHAPTER_IVc"></a><hr />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[142]</a></span><br />
+
+<h3>CHAPTER IV.<span class="totoc"><a href="#toc">ToC</a></span></h3>
+<br />
+
+<p>On reaching Bourges, my attention was attracted by an object widely
+differing from the venerable Abbot. Judging from my own experience, I
+may confidently affirm that not an Englishman quits his country, but
+he instantly becomes sensible of the comparative plainness of the
+fairer sex. I need hardly say that I allude to that of the lower
+orders; for as I was circumstanced, I was but little qualified to
+estimate the attributes of the more exclusive circles, only one of
+whom I chanced to meet, or rather to approach, during my ramble
+through France. Whether it was from unexpectedly meeting with a
+moderately humanised countenance suddenly appearing among those I
+observed daily around me, or that I had met with a face exquisitely
+lovely, I will not determine. I had been awaiting the arrival of the
+Mal Poste for Marseilles, the passengers of which were expected to
+join the table d'h&ocirc;te. For the last ten minutes I had been
+contemplating a dark, muddy court-yard beneath the window. The
+travellers having arrived and taken their seats at the table, I sat
+down, and was instantly startled by the face <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[143]</a></span>that I observed opposite
+to me, contrasted, as it chanced to be, with a dark unshaven one on
+either side of it. The salon was nearly as sombre as midnight, and
+there was a delicate and oval face, brightened by a pair of large soft
+eyes, "with fire rolling at the bottom of them!" Long, long did I
+deplore my deficiency of the organ of language; for with such a person
+for my <i>vis-a-vis</i>, I could open my mouth but to eat!</p>
+
+<p>We are little aware how exclusively we derive our opinion of others
+from their appearance and manner, and so independently of the
+sentiments they utter. Until we live among those with whom we cannot
+converse, it is impossible to be sensible of this truth; but I am
+confident, from long experience, that it is the fact. I have formed as
+correct an opinion of a German's character, not a word of whose
+language was intelligible to me, as of the Englishman's beside him,
+and perhaps more so, as not being misled by what he might choose to
+advance. And in support of this assertion, I will just mention, that I
+have subsequently met with foreigners, whom it has given me great
+pleasure to meet with, again and again, and that a mutual regard has
+existed between us, though neither has, for a moment, been verbally
+intelligible to the other.</p>
+
+<p>As, then, it is so possible thus to estimate a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[144]</a></span>person, I will just
+select the one opposite to me as an interesting example, for I well
+remember her. She appeared to be about seventeen, and radiant with
+youth and freshness, but accompanied with a delicacy and slenderness,
+as excessive as could be consistent with health. Her manner was
+completely fascinating, and her voice particularly so, when you
+observed the lips and teeth from whence it floated. She was a sort of
+fond person, and yet with a great share of humour&mdash;very talented, but
+all in delightful subjection to a refined and delicate feeling. Alas!
+the morrow's sun saw us, by roads as opposite as our future paths
+through life, departing from Bourges for ever.</p>
+
+<p>Bidding farewell, even to a disagreeable person, when you know it to
+be <i>for ever</i>, causes a blank, unpleasant sensation, and therefore I
+was now weighed down with a feeling of desolation quite oppressive.
+The sole thing that seemed to cling to me was my knapsack. No sooner
+have I ever formed any sort of regard for any sort of person, than
+Geoffrey Crayon's words, "Tom, you're wanted," dole upon my ear, and I
+must away. This is the curse of the traveller. And now what has since
+been the fate of this person? Confusion overwhelm the clogs and
+procrastination of civilised society! As Geoffrey Crayon once more
+bluntly states it, "Done," said the devil&mdash;"Done," said Tom
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[145]</a></span>Walker&mdash;so they shook hands, and struck a bargain; and why could not
+she and I have done the same! But she has gone, and that her days of
+life might be brightened with cloudless serenity, no one so ardently
+prayed, as a homeless and hopeless unknown; for I found that&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"The heart like the tendril accustomed to cling,<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">Let it grow where it will cannot flourish alone,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">But must lean to the nearest, loveliest thing<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">It can twine itself round, and make closely its own."<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>And, to make the matter worse, I had also at this time finally to
+separate from my oldest companions, a pair of shoes. They formed the
+last relic of my English wardrobe, and had borne me over a long
+distance. Having really an attachment for them, I placed them high up
+in the fork of a Spanish chestnut tree, whither I could not help again
+climbing up, that I might take a last look at them as they rested pale
+with the dust of leagues, uncomplaining though deserted.</p>
+
+<p>In a few days more I had reached the heart of Switzerland; but what a
+contrast had I experienced in passing from one country to the other!
+The whole of France, with the exception of my ever happy Loire, must
+surely be the most monotonous and unpicturesque tract of the whole
+continent; while Switzerland presents, at every turn, a combination
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[146]</a></span>of the paradisaical and of terrific sterility. Smiling patriarchal
+pastures, walled in by granite mountains, frowning in eternal silence
+and solitude, save when thundering with the awful avalanche. I said
+that their piles of granite were barren; but what a moment is it to
+explore your way companionless, and find them to be the source and
+spring of richness and fertility to Europe, as the sun is of warmth
+and light to the world&mdash;to pick your doubtfully hazardous way across
+the glacier, and there read great Nature's receipt for making rivers.
+You find that the nearer you climb towards the heavens, the more
+palpable are the works of their Creator:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"My altars are the mountains, and the ocean&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Earth, air, stars&mdash;all that proceed from the great Whole,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Who has made and will receive the soul."<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>As to how mine was likely to be disposed of, the moment had now
+arrived when I was to consider; for not only had severe sickness
+overtaken me, but I suspected that my death-blow had been received.
+Severe sickness will bring the stoutest of us, and the most
+unthinking, to reflect soberly on the past, the present, and the
+future; at all events, it had this effect on me one night, among many
+other restless and sleepless ones, as in solitude I watched the
+flickering flame of the candle by my bedside. As for the present,
+until the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[147]</a></span>moment of leaving my country, I had bestowed but little
+attention on it. It is the man of the world, who is wisely engrossed
+with that period; and, unfortunately, I had never been gifted with, or
+rather had never acquired, a sufficient stock of common sense to
+enable me to approximate that character.</p>
+
+<p>We all love to contemplate and dwell on the brightest side of things,
+simply because that is the most pleasing to us; and having but little
+self-denial, I ever enveloped myself in the past, the sunniest side of
+my existence.</p>
+
+<p>As for the future, with regard to a life to come, for that was what I
+was now to think about, my opinion, if it could be called such,
+laboured under confusion and inconsistency. Could anything have made
+me more miserable than another, it would have been the doubt of it;
+but from this I have ever been exempt, feeling assured, that were
+there none, our minds would no more have been created capable of
+entertaining an idea of it, than that our bodies would have been
+hampered with legs for which there was to be no need&mdash;and as these
+imply the function of walking, so our idea of futurity affords us the
+proof of it. Yet happy as I was in its belief, I always regretted that
+I had been born, notwithstanding that I was aware that an endless
+sleep and non-existence must be one and the same thing. My love of
+existence then, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[148]</a></span>of some sort, must have been an acquired taste, like
+that of the opium-eater&mdash;I would that it had never commenced, but had
+not sufficient fortitude to relinquish it. But most probably this
+regret arose as I looked back through the bright and peaceful vista of
+my earliest days, and then fondly trusting that it could but lead to
+some lovely period, ere I existed here; but alas! I could recal no
+recollection of it, nor could any one else that I knew of, with the
+exception of Pythagoras, and, perhaps, my Lord Herbert of Cherbery.</p>
+
+<p>But I must cut short all this absurdity, to call it by the mildest
+term, especially as my pilgrimage is drawing "towards an end, like a
+tale that is told."</p>
+
+<p>I arose from my bed apparently with similar prejudices ere I was
+confined to it, but, with my constitution, they have happily received
+a fatal blow. Had I been with others, I should probably have lingered
+in Venice until my hour had come, but, as it was, what had I to stop
+for?</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Whether it was despair that urged me on,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">God only knows&mdash;but to the very last,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">I had the lightest foot in Ennerdale."<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>Many a weary mile have I since accomplished in a state of health
+almost incredible, though I am now convinced that I have performed my
+last; but it was a beautiful one!</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[149]</a></span>On the eastern shores of the Bay of Naples rises the mountain of St.
+Angelo. For days had I gazed upon it with a wistful eye, and with all
+the eagerness of my childhood, when I never saw a distant hill but I
+was restless until I had reached it. Notwithstanding that my strength
+now daily diminished, my desire so increased upon me, that but a brief
+time had elapsed ere I had gratified it. This mountain protrudes
+abruptly into the Mediterranean, dividing the bay of Salerno from that
+of Naples.</p>
+
+<p>I have enjoyed the grandest scenery of Europe, but never, never such
+as this, or at such a moment. The death stillness of the day was
+appalling&mdash;the air was motionless, the heavens cloudless, and the deep
+blue sea, far, far beneath me, without a ripple; and not a sound
+reached my ear but that of my own watch. There I rested on the summit,
+basking in the sun, and enjoying a view, if such might be so called,
+worthy an angel's while to fly down and witness, and which, I dare
+say, one does now and then among these a&euml;rial solitudes.</p>
+
+<p>And now my feverish curiosity with regard to distant countries is
+satisfied to the full. It once was such as extended to other worlds,
+when I would welcome death in order to indulge it. The time is now
+approaching, then, when I must set out for "that bourne from <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[150]</a></span>which no
+traveller returns." My love of roaming has happily waned with the
+power of gratifying it, and I am now on my return, by easy stages, for
+the monastery of La Trappe, and I trust that a few days more will
+place me in its peaceful retirement, for I am weary.</p>
+
+
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<br />
+
+<h5>T.C. Savill, Printer, 4, Chandos Street, Covent Garden.</h5>
+
+<br />
+<hr />
+<br />
+
+
+<div class="tr">
+<p class="cen"><a name="TN" id="TN"></a>Typographical errors corrected in text:</p>
+<br />
+Page &nbsp;48: &nbsp; Etona's replaced with Eton's<br />
+Page &nbsp;98: &nbsp; groupe replaced with group<br />
+</div>
+
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<hr class="full" />
+<p>***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CONFESSIONS OF AN ETONIAN***</p>
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+The Project Gutenberg eBook, Confessions of an Etonian, by I. E. M.
+
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+
+
+
+Title: Confessions of an Etonian
+
+
+Author: I. E. M.
+
+
+
+Release Date: September 29, 2006  [eBook #19405]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII)
+
+
+***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CONFESSIONS OF AN ETONIAN***
+
+
+E-text prepared by Jeannie Howse, Irma Spehar, Jason Isbell, and the
+Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team
+(http://www.pgdp.net/) from page images generously made available by
+Internet Archive (http://www.archive.org/index.php)
+
+
+
+Note: Images of the original pages are available through
+      Internet Archive. See
+      http://ia301238.us.archive.org/1/items/The_Confessions_Of_An_Etonian/
+
+
+      +--------------------------------------------------------------+
+      | Transcriber's note:                                          |
+      |                                                              |
+      | Inconsistent hyphenation and unusual spelling in the         |
+      | original document have been preserved.                       |
+      |                                                              |
+      | A number of obvious typographical errors have been corrected |
+      | in this text. For a complete list, please see the end of     |
+      | this document.                                               |
+      |                                                              |
+      +--------------------------------------------------------------+
+
+
+
+
+
+THE CONFESSIONS OF AN ETONIAN.
+
+by
+
+I. E. M.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+London
+Saunders and Otley, Conduit Street.
+1846.
+
+
+
+
+"To preserve the past is half of immortality."
+
+D'ISRAELI THE ELDER.
+
+
+
+
+PREFACE.
+
+
+The author is anxious to request any person who may meet with this
+trifling volume to bear in mind that it contains the memoir of an
+unworthy member of the place to which it alludes--that many years have
+now elapsed since he quitted the spot where its regulations with
+regard to education have been as much altered as improved. For Eton!
+"my heart is thine though my shadow falls on a distant land." But
+should these pages influence the judgment of any mistaken but
+well-meaning parent, as to his son's future destination, the writer
+will hope that he has not exposed himself in vain.
+
+
+
+
+THE CONFESSIONS OF AN ETONIAN.
+
+
+BOOK THE FIRST.
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+"Here's Harry crying!" And on the instant, my brother awoke the elder
+ones to witness and enjoy the astounding truth.
+
+"What makes you think that?" I replied, in as resolute a tone as a
+throat choking with anguish would admit of.
+
+"Why, you're crying now," added another brother; "I see the tears
+shining in the moonlight."
+
+"Only a little," I at length admitted; and, satisfied with the
+concession, my numerous brethren composed themselves once more to
+sleep in the corners of the carriage, on their way to Eton, leaving my
+eldest brother's pointer and myself at the bottom, to our own
+reflections As for old Carlo, his still and regular breathing evinced
+that his mind was as easy and comfortable as his body, sagaciously
+satisfying himself with the evil of the day as it passed over him.
+Here Carlo had the advantage of me,--I anticipated the morrow. Strange
+and boisterous school-boys, tight-pantalooned ushers, with menacing
+canes, were, to my yet unsophisticated mind, anything but agreeable
+subjects for a reverie, and I felt proportionately doleful; I turned
+my thoughts on the past, and I was very miserable.
+
+I now learnt that I had been happy, and, for the first time,
+appreciated that happiness. The hours of this long, weary day had
+appeared to be as many months; and when I ruminated on former scenes,
+and their dear little events, I sighed in bitterness, "What a time ago
+all this seems!" And as I peered up at the moon from my abyss through
+the window, my eyes unconsciously swam with tears, when I reflected
+that, if at home, I should at this moment be taking tea with my dear
+nurse, Lucy, and my sister's governess, just before I went to bed.
+
+I had now bid an eternal farewell to, doubtless, by far the
+dearest,--happiest period of our existence, the dawn of life's
+day--that enviable time when "we have no lessons;" when the colt
+presses, with his unshod foot, the fresh and verdant meadow, while he
+wonders at the team toiling under a noontide sun, over the parched
+and arid fallow in the distance.
+
+This, then, was my first lesson of experience; and on reflection,
+perhaps many of us will agree that, after all the vaunted troubles and
+anxieties incident to manhood, few surpass in intensity and
+hopelessness the sad separation from home for a detested school; it is
+real and wringing anguish, though, fortunately, like flayed eels, we
+eventually become inured to it.
+
+I now went through, for three years at a private school, the usual
+routine of punishment and bullying preparatory for Eton; and as these
+were of the ordinary kind, I will at once omit this epoch of my life,
+and commence with my _debut_ at that great capital of England's
+schools.
+
+It may not be out of place to give here a slight and rapid sketch of
+the scene to which these immediate pages are confined, as well as of
+other matters connected with it.
+
+Every one knows where Windsor is, and that Eton was separated from it
+by the Thames, until united by Windsor Bridge. But, with regard to the
+latter town, there may be some confusion, for it is divided into Eton,
+and Eton proper. This last will hereafter be distinguished as
+"College," and is situated about half a mile from the bridge, to which
+it is connected by the town.
+
+"College," I think, may be said to comprehend "the school-yard," the
+suburbs, and "the playing fields."
+
+"The school-yard" is a spacious and respectable quadrangle; the upper
+school, the church, the cloisters, and long chamber, each respectively
+forming a side of it. In the centre is placed the statue of the
+founder, Henry VI.
+
+"The upper school" is placed over an arched cloister, and an
+ominous-looking region, in which, I suspect, is the magazine of birch.
+The school is nothing more than an extensive room, with its floor
+lined with fixed forms, and the wainscot with sculptured names
+innumerable. One is guilty of a sad omission should he quit Eton
+without giving a crown to Cartland to perpetuate his name on the
+immortal oak. Perhaps the loss of few olden records would be more
+deplored than its destruction, for here are registered many of Eton's
+worthiest sons; C.I. FOX, as in after life, is here pre-eminent.
+Adjoining the upper end is another room, called "the library," in
+which there is not a book, but there is "the block," which speaks
+volumes; and as a library may, by a little forcing, be defined to be a
+chamber set apart for the acquirement of learning, this room is not,
+perhaps, misnamed.
+
+This block is a very simple machine--merely a couple of steps. The
+victim places his knees on the lower, and his elbows on the upper
+step; but if the reader will thus place himself in his imagination,
+he will enter more immediately into the spirit of the thing.
+
+In front of him he sees a couple of little collegers, to hold aside
+the skirts of his coat. On his left is Keate, like Jupiter about to
+hurl his thunderbolt; on his right "the birch cupboard;" and though he
+can see nothing, he has little doubt of what is in his rear, the
+instant he is operated on. "Neither intemperance nor old age hae, in
+gout or rheumatic, an agony to compare wi' a weel-laid-on whack of the
+tawse, on a part that for manners shall be nameless."
+
+The church, though not very remarkable for its dimensions, may be
+styled a handsome and venerable Gothic edifice; simple and regular,
+with its sides supported by deep and lofty buttresses, the recesses of
+which form the boys' "fives-walls."
+
+The cloisters form another small quadrangle. Over them are built the
+comfortable dwellings of the "College fellows," and "the College
+library," which is somewhat more appropriately furnished than that
+just described.
+
+The Fellows have each been boys on the foundation, having been
+elected, according to seniority, to King's College, Cambridge, from
+whence they have been re-elected Fellows of Eton.
+
+"Long chamber" is long enough to contain nearly the whole of the
+collegers, or boys on the foundation, whose complement I conjecture to
+be about seventy. This is a region of which I can give but an
+uncertain description, for few "Oppidans" cared to venture in. When I
+did, it was to be tossed in a blanket, so that, though elevated, my
+survey was hasty and superficial; but I suspect that the entire
+furniture to which a colleger lays claim, is his bed and bureau,
+tables and chairs being here as much out of keeping (if they could be
+kept at all) as at Stonehenge. _En passant_--this tossing was a
+pastime replete with the sublime and awful. That their efforts might
+be simultaneous, those who held the blanket, and they were legion,
+made use of the following neat hexameter:
+
+
+    "Ibis ab excusso, missus ab astra, sago."
+
+
+And you go with a vengeance. "You shall fly from the quivering
+blanket, despatched to the stars." The suspense was fearful while
+awaiting the utterance of the ultimate syllable--how perfectly and
+permanently have I acquired this pithy verse!
+
+The floor is polished once a year on Election Friday, by "rug-riding."
+This is accomplished by rolling a fellow up in a counterpane, here
+properly called a rug. To either end of him is attached a rope, to
+which five or six boys are harnessed. The floor is now well smeared
+with tallow-grease, over which the warm mummy, rendered still hotter
+by friction, is now drawn with delightful velocity. The polish thus
+obtained is admirable, and but the slightest flavour of grease lingers
+until the ensuing election.
+
+The suburbs form a small town, composed of a few large and
+indispensable shops, together with the houses of the masters and
+dames, at whose houses the boys, not on the foundation, and who are
+denominated "oppidans," board and lodge.
+
+"The playing-fields" are very extensive, and subdivided into the
+playing-fields, "upper-shooting-fields," and "lower-shooting-fields."
+The two latter are separated from the former by "poet's-walk," a
+lovely little peninsula, with an avenue of lime-trees running through
+its entire length.
+
+The shooting-fields are appropriated solely to cricket, and in winter
+are "out of bounds." The playing-fields are open for foot-ball in the
+winter, and for fighting all the year round. The whole is most
+beautifully situated on the banks of the Thames, with the Little Park
+and Windsor Castle on the opposite side. In addition, it is lined and
+studded with the stateliest and most gigantic elms in England.
+
+These three divisions, the school-yard, suburbs, and playing-fields,
+form in theory "the bounds," which in practice are boundless, an
+Etonian's movements being curbed by time, rather than by space.
+
+Eton, at its foundation, was a charity-school for seventy boys. In
+time, it received other pupils. The original ones are collegers, who
+are distinguished by a coarse black gown; the latter are oppidans,
+literally meaning "town-boys." The former may not wear white trowsers,
+and all are debarred boots, and black or coloured neckcloths.
+
+Collegers are dieted solely on mutton; hence they are familiarly and
+vulgarly termed "mutton-tugs," abbreviated to "tugs," which homely
+monosyllable they themselves derive from _togati_, on account of their
+wearing the _toga_--had they not better trace their origin at once
+from that mysterious and secret society of the Thugs of India? But
+their internal economy should be treated with diffidence, for between
+them and the oppidans there was ever an undefined, though "great gulf
+fixed." Owing to this, there is a difficulty in deciding how much, if
+any, of the following incident may be authentic. As asserted above,
+they were confined to mutton, the whole mutton, and nothing but the
+mutton, until the humane, but late Mr. Godolphin bequeathed a sum of
+money, to be appropriated in supplying them with potatoes, which
+henceforth accompanied the mutton, though in a state of nature; and
+as this was not contrary to the statute, and as in all charities as
+little is done for the money as is possible, the poor boys and their
+potatoes were without remedy, until one of the College Fellows kindly
+bequeathed an annuity towards extricating them from their dilemma. He
+has ever since been appropriately immortalized as "Pealipo Roberts."
+
+Each boy has a tutor, who is one of the masters, of whom there are
+about thirteen. Their chief occupation is in correcting, and
+explaining the errors of their pupils' exercises. At the period now
+spoken of, the school consisted of six hundred and twenty boys,
+probably the greatest number it had hitherto attained. Each master's
+house is generally filled with boarders.
+
+The "dames" are boarding-houses, mostly kept by clergymen's widows, or
+widows of some sort; there are also about thirteen of these.
+
+Assistant masters are professors of French, mathematics, writing, and
+dancing; but they are altogether independent of the college, and are
+taken or not at the will of the parents.
+
+There is another class of assistant masters, and these are the Cads.
+They are the professors of shooting, rowing, and cricket, and have
+many pupils. The most leading characters among them were Jack Hall,
+Lary Miller, Pickey Powell, and Jemmy Flowers; but with regard to the
+latter there existed a slight odium, owing to his religious tenets--he
+was suspected of Mahometanism. Lary Miller ever asserted his
+conviction, that "Jemmy was a Maho-maiden, having surprised him one
+evening in the Brocas, lying on his stomach, worshipping a very large
+mushroom." Making due allowance for Lary's notorious veracity, and for
+Jemmy Flowers' religious inebriety, still the circumstance of a
+mushroom, and that a large one, flourishing on the Brocas, must ever
+throw a strong air of improbability over this assertion.
+
+There is a holiday on every red-lettered saint's-day in the calendar;
+when this, or no other excuse occurs, it is termed "a regular week,"
+when Tuesday is a whole holiday, Thursday half an one, and Saturday
+three-quarters.
+
+The longest period of time a boy uninterruptedly enjoys to himself may
+be said to comprise two hours, commencing each time at twelve, four,
+and six o'clock, on whole and half holidays; and these periods are
+designated by the never-to-be-forgotten sounds of "after twelve,"
+"after four," and "after six."
+
+"Whole school days" affect this arrangement but little, the difference
+being, that on holidays, they are separated from each other, by
+attendance on absence, and church; and on whole school-days, by
+school-times, of which there are four, commencing each at eight,
+eleven, three, and five o'clock.
+
+The boys learn all their lessons, and do their exercises, in their own
+rooms, going into school to say or construe them. One school-time
+occupies about three-quarters of an hour.
+
+The whole school is divided into six forms, of which the sixth ranks
+the highest. This, and the fifth form, comprise about half the number
+of boys, for whom the lower half fag. An upper boy may fag a lower one
+to Windsor, or anywhere else.
+
+Though the river be out of bounds, half of the boys dedicate
+themselves to boating during the summer. The extent and main object of
+their expedition is "Surly Hall," a notorious public-house, three
+miles up the river from Windsor Bridge. Surly Hall may be said to be
+appropriated to the Etonians, and here they rest themselves. I never
+recollect one boy guilty of intoxication at this place.
+
+There are two grand aquatic processions every year up to this Surly
+Hall--on the 4th of June, George the Third's birth-day; and on
+Election Saturday, towards the end of July. They are beautiful
+gala-days, when eight or ten long-boats are rowed by their crews in
+costume, accompanied by a couple of military bands; swarms of nobility
+and gentry come from London to enjoy them, some person of peculiar
+rank being "the sitter" in the leading boat; but boating is not
+allowed.
+
+"Montem," so called, perhaps, from the ceremony of a boy flourishing a
+flag on a small mount, occurs every third year, when the upper boys
+are dressed as officers, and the fags, resembling sailors, in white
+trowsers and blue jackets. Thus they are obliged to expose themselves
+to a multitude, while they walk to Salt Hill, where they dine. As an
+Eton boy, I have witnessed four Montems, and could never think of each
+but as a ridiculous, tedious, and detestable performance; the only
+good resulting is, that the captain of the collegers receives several
+hundreds of pounds, which are collected from the crowd by other
+collegers in fancy dresses, and denominated "salt-bearers," and
+"runners," who dun high and low for "salt."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+"How old are you, Graham?" asked my future tutor.
+
+"Nine, if you please, sir."
+
+"Can you do sense-verses?"
+
+"No, sir, only nonsense ones."
+
+"Well, you are placed in the upper Greek; be in eight-o'clock-school
+to-morrow. Graham," calling me back, "take this order to the
+book-seller, and he will give you the requisite school-books. It is
+Greek grammar in the morning; get a boy to show you where the lesson
+is. You may go."
+
+So soon as I had procured the books, I peeped into the Greek grammar,
+which struck me as being an interesting-looking book, for hitherto, I
+had never even seen a Greek letter. I went to my Dames, where I found
+Tyrrel _ma_, and Kennedy, who shared my room, playing at battledore.
+
+"You don't care for the row, Graham, do you?" asked Tyrrel, after they
+had played half an hour, and observing that I looked a little
+puzzled.
+
+"Oh, that makes no difference," I sighed, "but this Greek is such odd
+stuff, and I don't know a letter in the alphabet except the four first
+ones. Can you give us a help?"
+
+After a lengthened debate among us, the only apparent chance for me
+was, that the lesson should be written out in English letters, so that
+when I repeated it, I should appear to know my lesson. This, Tyrrel
+good-naturedly effected for me.
+
+At eight o'clock, then, the next morning, in due routine, I approached
+the master in his desk, under the same superstitious awe as poor
+Friday, when he cowered before the august Crusoe. I would not have
+failed in my performance for worlds, and now entered the desk resolved
+on acquitting myself to perfection.
+
+My ardour was not slightly damped when, on uttering a few words, the
+master, with a frown, demanded why I had not commenced where the
+previous boy had left off.
+
+"I thought, sir, that I was to begin at the beginning."
+
+"What business have you to think?"
+
+Commencing, then, as he directed me, I had no sooner recited four
+lines, than he ordered me to "go."
+
+"That's not all, if you please, sir."
+
+"It's quite enough for me; go."
+
+So I went, under the painful suspicion that I had failed, and was to
+be punished accordingly. I was not yet aware that the succeeding boy
+went on with the lesson where his predecessor had left off; and when
+he had said his three or four lines, he likewise was dismissed, and so
+on--it being taken for granted, that the boy knew the remainder of the
+task; but this extreme innocence of mine, when I informed the master
+that I had not accomplished the whole lesson, is not a little amusing,
+when compared to my future career, was it not for the remorse a man of
+crime might feel when he reverts his thoughts to a time ere he had
+transgressed. At that time I should have acted similarly under every
+circumstance; I intended well.
+
+"Now let us go to breakfast," said Kennedy, as I returned to the room.
+
+"Will you fellows get it ready, and make the tea," asked Tyrrel,
+"while I go and lay breakfast for my master?" Kennedy and myself were
+as yet exempt from that duty for a fortnight, which is the privilege
+granted to each new comer.
+
+"What a lucky fellow I am," said Tyrrel, on his return, "to have you
+two in my mess, with your new set of tea-things, and a double set,
+too! If we manage well, they'll last us easily to the holidays. Till
+you came, I was obliged to slip into other fellows' rooms, and sharp
+a cup of tea. Now, let us regularly lock up everything in my
+cupboard, for it's quite empty; how comfortable we shall be; and your
+pictures, Kennedy, make the room look so nice!"
+
+"And what beautiful frames they have!" I observed.
+
+"The frames and glasses," replied Kennedy, "were a present for those
+views about home, which a sister sketched for me."
+
+"What shall we do after twelve?" asked Tyrrel.
+
+"Can't we go out in a boat?"
+
+It was soon arranged that Kennedy and Tyrrel should play at cricket,
+and that I should stay in to work at my Greek, of which another lesson
+occurred at five-o'clock-school. At two o'clock, the trio met at
+dinner; after which we proceeded to our room, where, soon as we
+entered, Kennedy beheld each of his drawings rifled of their glasses,
+which lay shivered to pieces beneath them on the floor.
+
+Gregory _mi_ had, in an unlucky moment, lounged into the room with a
+little cross-bow, and had practised his skill on each in succession.
+
+"Never mind, Kennedy," said Tyrrel, "they must have been broken one
+time or another."
+
+I now proceeded unwarily enough to the cloisters, where I thought I
+might puzzle out my hieroglyphical task more in quiet.
+
+"I say, my little man, you must come and bowl to me."
+
+"I've got my lesson to learn," I replied.
+
+"When do you say it?" inquired the fifth-form boy; and finding that it
+was not required till five o'clock, and discrediting my singular
+difficulty, which I stated to him, he at once took me away,
+notwithstanding that, as a saving clause, I asserted the privilege due
+to a boy's first fortnight, but which, I was now told, should not
+avail me for having told such a falsehood about the lesson. In the
+following schooltime I was, of course, "put in the bill," but was not
+flogged, in consequence of pleading my "first fault," another and too
+fleeting privilege of a new boy.
+
+On returning to my room in the evening, I found my two friends looking
+unutterable things, while around them lay, "like leaves in wint'ry
+weather," the fragments of our prided crockery ware!
+
+In our absence, a boy, well knowing what he was about, had come to the
+cupboard to sharp some tea-things, but finding, to his disappointment,
+that it was locked, he was yet determined that we should not escape
+him. The whole was unfortunately suspended, by a bit of rope, to a
+large nail in the wall; this, then, he had maliciously cut, and the
+result had proved fatal to the whole "double set of tea-things," with
+the exception of a pewter salt-cellar. "Well, they must have been
+broken, one time or another," archly remarked Kennedy.
+
+A very few days had elapsed before I had become a genuine Etonian,
+which a boy is never accounted until he has been once flogged.
+Notwithstanding my respect of that honourable title, I was still very
+unwilling to purchase it so dearly. I had an inclination for forming my
+own opinion upon matters, somewhat independently of others; and though,
+in the lower part of the school, to be put in the bill, and suffer
+accordingly, carried with it anything but a reflection towards the
+subject of it, still, for reasons of my own, I concluded that it would
+be far more respectable to act otherwise. This, then, with me, was not
+merely an opinion--it became a principle, and one which, unfortunately,
+I was most anxious to preserve inviolate--unfortunately, because it
+must inevitably be outraged. Even under the most favourable
+circumstances, owing to my ignorance of its rudiments, I was sensible
+that I must frequently fail in my Greek tasks; what chance, then, had
+I, constantly thwarted in my endeavours to avoid this, by hourly and
+capricious fagging?
+
+This, then, weighed upon my mind in no slight degree, for though
+exposed, from an early period, "to rough it" more than was common, the
+sensitiveness of a boy's disposition will be anything but deadened in
+consequence, so long as he thinks for himself, and forms his own line
+of right and wrong, though perhaps it schools him precociously to
+conceal what his associates may deem to be his weaknesses, though
+probably his better traits of character, should he be blessed with
+such. This tendency was not likely to be diminished by the following
+incident:--
+
+From the moment I first left my home, which was at an early period,
+the little religious instruction I might have received from my nurse
+was abandoned, and never even reflected on for a moment, till within a
+short time of my departure for Eton, when, by some chance train of
+thought, I became sensible that I knew not a single prayer--at least
+perfectly. I was well aware that other boys did, though many neglected
+them. To supply this my deficiency, I henceforth never failed to offer
+up, each morning and evening, extemporary ones, and which, though
+puerilely adapted to little impressions or wants, yet flowed the more
+truly from the heart, and cherished an affectionate, and therefore,
+truly religious feeling, towards my Almighty Father.
+
+One morning I was awakened by the clock striking the hour in which I
+should have been in school, when, instantly dressing myself, I harried
+away, and on returning to my room, was kneeling at a chair, when I
+was interrupted by the dreaded vociferation of "lower boy!"
+
+Though knowing the consequences, should I be discovered, I never for a
+moment wavered as to the course I should adopt, but continued
+deliberately at my accustomed devotions. As I was thus occupied, the
+fifth-form boy entered my room to learn my reason for neglecting his
+summons, and was for a moment startled when he discovered in what
+manner I was employed; but, without further hesitation or compunction,
+taking me by the collar, he inflicted a blow as a punishment for my
+presumption. This was a little too much, so instantly springing at
+him, and taking him unawares, for a moment I actually beat my tyrant
+off, when Kennedy accidentally presenting himself at the door, at once
+ranged himself by my side. This made the pitiful fellow pause, and
+finding that, though so immeasurably his juniors, we were resolute, he
+prudently informed us, that so soon as we had procured the captain's
+permission to fight with him, he would comply; this formality existing
+on a feud arising between an upper and lower boy. On inquiring into
+the case, the captain refused his consent, but added a severe threat
+towards my aggressor.
+
+Insignificant as they appear, these incidents had lasting effects on
+me. With regard to the first, I at once resigned myself in despair to
+the bitterness of a disappointed, and almost a broken spirit; and, so
+far as all scholastic duties were concerned, I henceforth adopted a
+reckless, heedless course, except that I pursued it doggedly and
+systematically.
+
+As to my religious duties, I was considerably embarrassed, and that,
+because I bestowed some attention upon them; had I not, I should have
+been as easy in this respect as most other boys. However, after no
+little examination into the subject, and, by-the-bye, confusion, I
+came to the resolution of guiding myself as well as I could by what
+little knowledge I might possess; and unspiritual as this reliance on
+my own efforts evidently was, I, in unison with it, farther resolved,
+that should I omit what I knew to be right, I would refrain, at all
+events, from that which I judged to be wrong--and I do not see what I
+could have done more.
+
+To assist, or prevent me in my resolution, things were nearly
+balanced. No boy had been more completely exposed to the chance of
+circumstance, and, in consequence, to the unbiassed sway of my natural
+disposition, which was restless in the extreme. For this there is no
+alternative--for good or bad, work it will, and in such a case
+idleness is indeed the root of all evil.
+
+To save me from, or rather to diminish this danger, I was _at that
+time_ imbued, in no trifling degree, with benevolence and candour;
+and I was free, also, of two qualities which I have since acquired,
+for they are appendages as common to our natures as are our limbs to
+our bodies. I was devoid of selfishness and prejudice; and as society
+is constituted, one commences life with a bad start, destitute of such
+accomplishments.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+Of the seven days in the week, probably more flogging occurs on Friday
+than during all the others put together. On the unfortunate, the
+shuffling, and the dense, the effect of this day's ordeal has ever
+proved to be most searching. On Thursday, then, towards the conclusion
+of eleven o'clock school, the boys were not a little delighted, when
+Keate, closing the book, informed them that an hour since he had been
+honoured with a request from his Majesty that the morrow might be
+converted into a whole holiday, and that they should be indulged
+accordingly. It need hardly be stated with what yells of ecstasy this
+announcement was received, as we rushed from our seats, lightened of
+the sombre dread of "Friday's business."
+
+In the evening, I was summoned to the tea-table of Gregory, my
+puissant master, to account, if I could, for my presumptuous absence
+at a time when every fag's presence was so imperatively required. On
+my appearance, my fellow-fag was astonished at the air of confidence
+with which I advanced towards the table, guilty of such a heinous
+omission. My master, for some seconds, regarded me with a stern and
+savage aspect.
+
+"You little rascal," at length he exclaimed, his voice deepening under
+the effects of rage soon to be amply gratified, "you've been toasting
+these muffins with the snuffers!" At the same time he confidently
+pointed out to me, with savage delight, the single and blackened mark
+occasioned by such an unorthodox implement. This was not what I was
+prepared for, and the circumstance was, alas, but too evident, and the
+palms of my hands were immediately tingling under the strokes of my
+master's hair-brush.
+
+"And now," said he, pausing for a moment, "I am going to give you
+another licking for not being here in time."
+
+"No," I exclaimed, "you have excused me a fortnight's fagging; at
+least, you said yesterday that you would, should I ask the King for a
+holiday to-morrow."
+
+This was the truth, and so, in an unguarded moment, he had expressed
+himself; but being, at the least, as anxious for a holiday as he was,
+and sighing for a fortnight's emancipation from slavery, I had
+determined to take him at his word, and obey him to the letter. In a
+spirit, then, of excessive innocence, or impudence--I think the
+former, though I may have since exchanged it for the latter--I had
+started off for the cottage in Windsor Park, where the King was then
+residing, and had actually gained admittance without interruption from
+any one, though I was now accosted by a gentleman who demanded the
+purport of my visit. I replied that I had come up to ask the King to
+get us a holiday for Friday. Upon this, he informed me that it was not
+usual for strangers to see his Majesty while resident at the cottage,
+and that I had better wait until his Majesty returned to the Castle;
+and then he kindly walked back with me towards the garden, through
+which I had previously passed, and there left me. Here I met
+Jerningham walking with his mother, whom I acquainted with the object
+of my interview with the Duke of Dorset, as he proved to be. This
+happened to be a very fortunate rencontre for me, as Lady Jerningham
+eventually turned out to be my "friend at court," and had seconded my
+petition with success.
+
+As the next day was a holiday entirely originating with myself, I
+concluded that I had a right to make the most of it, and enjoy it in
+my own way. Under this impression, Kennedy and I started at seven that
+morning, towards Perch-hole, where Lary Miller was to meet us with a
+punt and casting-net, and we were to fish our way down the river,
+towards Datchet. While awaiting him at the water's edge, among other
+inventions to amuse ourselves, Kennedy thoughtlessly snatching off my
+hat, set it floating on the water; so taking him by the collar, ere I
+had time to reflect, I swung him well into Perch-hole. The moment he
+scrambled out, there seemed to be no doubt on either side as to what
+was to be done. Indeed, it would be impossible to say which of us
+struck the first blow, though the question with us now was, who was to
+give the last. Perhaps any other boys, as soon as the first burst of
+passion had exploded, would have deferred the contest to another
+opportunity, when each might be attended by his second; but Kennedy
+breathed nothing but immediate retaliation, and probably he might wish
+to exercise himself after his immersion. I also preferred the present
+time, as, on giving the subject a momentary consideration, during the
+early period of the fight, it struck me as being most repugnant and
+ungrateful to my feelings, to meet my greatest friend in cool blood,
+to see which could batter the other the most, and that, too, only to
+glut the sight of hundreds.
+
+In general, each battle at Eton is conducted with all the etiquette
+incidental to the prize-ring, under the latest regulations of the
+Birmingham Youth, or White-headed Bob. Indeed, one would here conclude
+that it was impossible to contend without a ring, seconds, and
+time-keeper. Notwithstanding the deficiency of these desiderata, we
+weaved merrily away for nearly an hour, during which period, perhaps
+from being the lightest, I was prostrated three times, which therefore
+divided the contest into but three stages or rounds, during which time
+each rested on the grass, and conscientiously recommenced our
+operations, the instant we imagined that the half-minute had expired.
+
+The clock now struck a quarter-past nine, when we were reminded, that
+should we fight on, each would be well flogged for disregard of
+absence; and as our occupation was barely worth the penalty, we at
+once put on our jackets, and departed in silence, to answer to our
+names, while, as a matter of course, we were to finish the battle
+after twelve, for my holiday afforded us ample time.
+
+This morning, therefore, for the first time, we breakfasted in
+different rooms. Each now commenced this repast with feelings far from
+cheerful. The anger of the moment having passed away, there remained
+no sense of enmity between us; and yet, in an hour or two, we were to
+meet again, like a couple of dogs, and mangle each other as we best
+might.
+
+Kennedy could not but feel that he was not only the strongest, but had
+actually been more prevalent in the contest than myself; nor did he,
+on this account, congratulate himself, when he reflected that the
+appointed hour was fast approaching when he must do his best to thrash
+me still more. The sole thought that weighed on my mind, was that of
+having quarrelled with a fellow whom I liked far beyond myself. At
+this moment the door opened, and Kennedy, placing his rolls and butter
+on the table, stretched his hand across it towards me, and the next,
+we were sipping our tea together out of the pewter salt-cellar, with
+no farther traces of enmity, save the three unequivocal black eyes we
+retained between us.
+
+This subject reminds me of a very melancholy one which I witnessed
+several years afterwards; and as I have heard it discussed so
+frequently, and so erroneously, I cannot help wishing, if possible, to
+give a concise and true statement of the case. In the instance alluded
+to, the contest might be said to have terminated with no unusual
+consequences, for the clock had struck the hour in which it was
+imperative for every one of us to be in his dames for the night, and
+the combatants were in the act of putting on their coats, and all
+would have been well, had not a voice, which I distinctly recollect,
+exclaimed, "One more round!" Whichever had now declined would have
+been considered as vanquished: they closed, struggled for the fall,
+and the fall was fatal. The sole cause of this miserable catastrophe
+was that voice of a mere bystander, and of this he must be as sensible
+as I am. I know not who he may be, nor do I envy him his secret.
+
+It was now getting towards the latter end of July, and I had been an
+Etonian nearly three months. During this time I had experienced a fair
+average of fighting, bullying, fagging, and flogging, and had also
+acquired some useful accomplishments. I could paddle my skiff up to
+Surly Hall and back, swim across the river at Upper Hope, and had even
+begun to get in debt, having some weeks ago "gone tick" with Joe Hyde
+for a couple of bottles of ginger-beer, with the proviso of returning
+them when empty, but which, it must be confessed, were still lying at
+the bottom of Deadman's Hole, for the farther improvement of my
+diving.
+
+Having just been disappointed in my endeavours to procure a boat at
+Hester's, I was returning towards my dames about the middle of
+after-six, totally at a loss for amusement. Every other boy was now
+eagerly employed on the river, or at cricket, and the whole college
+was silent and deserted. As I strolled listlessly along, I observed a
+funeral slowly issuing from the church-door on its way to the
+burial-ground. Singular to say, this was the first instance of death's
+doing on a fellow-being I had yet witnessed. On its approach, I seated
+myself on the Long-walk wall, and watched the coffin and its
+noiseless followers, as they glided slowly before me. So soon as all
+had passed, I quietly slid down from my seat, and accompanied the
+procession at a little distance.
+
+While we are young, we are not only moved more easily, but doubt not
+that every person else feels as sincerely. Under this impression, I
+accompanied the corpse towards its grave, touched with a sort of pity
+for the mourners, and sobered by a deep and respectful sympathy.
+
+As I stood by the brink of the grave, I could not but feel a soothing
+comfort and hope under our affliction, so beautifully held out to us
+by the spirit of "the service of the dead;" and I even entertained an
+affection for the clergyman who officiated. But when I witnessed the
+lowering of the coffin to its future resting-place--heard the soft
+crumbling of the churchyard soil, as it dropped from the grasp of the
+sexton on the below-sounding coffin, down below--the anguished but
+stifled moan of the childless father, who had apparently expended his
+hard-got earnings for the interment of his child--I not only repassed
+the gates considerably affected, but overpowered with an indescribable
+dread of impending death. I was now possessed with a servile love of
+God, arising from fear; an anxiety to please and obey him, to an
+infinite degree. Alas! even at this early age, how worldly-minded,
+how pitiful, can be our motives!
+
+I now determined within myself, as resolutely as presumptuously, to
+"go and sin no more;" and to that effect, that very evening, dived to
+the bottom of Deadman's Hole, and returned to Joe Hyde his horribly
+portentous bottles.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+A few weeks previous to the holidays, "the old Queen" gave a
+magnificent _fete_ at Frogmore, when, to form a prominent feature in
+the day's amusements, her favourites, the Etonians, were invited to
+play a cricket-match, for which a beautiful space of lawn had already
+been most good-naturedly prepared.
+
+I think the first approach to royalty must ever be most interesting to
+boys, at least it was deeply so to me on this day; for when I observed
+the wide-swelling lawns, the broad groves, and glassy lakes of this
+little paradise; the Queen, with the princesses and royal suite, as
+they glided over the turf in a train of pony-carriages, lined and
+shining with the richest satins; the splendid and gaudy clusters of
+marquees, glittering in all the pride of Tippoo's eastern
+magnificence, from whom they had been rifled, with their bright
+crescents blazing in the sunbeams--I found all the lovely and dearly
+remembered fancies, conjured before my infant imagination by the
+nursery tale, at once placed in delightful reality before me.
+
+Towards the evening, I had rambled, considerably fatigued with the
+restless pleasures of the day, into the most secluded parts of the
+shrubberies, and was resting on a seat, listening to the notes of a
+bugle band in the distance, when they were interrupted by the steps of
+some one passing quickly along the gravel walk towards me, and the
+next moment I saw a girl approaching the gate in front of me. I
+instantly rose and opened it for her; but as she passed, the little
+girl, after a slight hesitation, inquired with an expression of some
+anxiety if I had seen her father, Sir George Curzon.
+
+"I do not know your father by sight," I answered, "and fear you will
+hardly meet with him here; for I have been more than half an hour on
+this seat, and have seen no one at all."
+
+"I declare," she sighed, "I do not know how I shall find him, and I am
+quite tired, too! But will you, if you please, tell me the way towards
+the palace--I should be much obliged to you?"
+
+"As well as I can," I answered; "but would it not be better that I ran
+and inquired for your father, and brought him here, for then, in the
+meanwhile, as you are tired, you can rest yourself on this bench?"
+
+"You are very good-natured," replied Miss Curzon, as she sat down;
+"but if you will only wait until I have rested for a minute, perhaps
+you will go with me towards the palace, for I don't like being here
+quite alone."
+
+I now perceived that the poor little girl had been crying.
+
+"But why are you here by yourself?" she added, the next moment; "have
+you lost your way too? But sit down, there is room for both." And she
+looked up so kindly, while her beautiful little hand, contrasting with
+the rough bench, pressed it to enforce her request.
+
+How happy was I to obey her, and yet how painfully confused! In a
+word, I was out of my element, this being my very first rencontre with
+one of the softer sex; for which reason, though so many years have
+since passed away, I cannot help reciting and recollecting it as an
+occurrence of yesterday.
+
+"Are you not an Eton boy?" demanded Miss Curzon.
+
+"Yes; but I have been one only for a few months."
+
+"Papa says that Frederic shall be sent to Eton, by and bye," she
+replied, rather abstractedly.
+
+"Perhaps, then," I answered, "I shall know him--at least, I hope I
+may."
+
+"Oh, it will be a long while before he joins you, for he is quite
+little yet; and then, you know, he must be your fag, instead of your
+friend."
+
+"I shall never fag a brother of yours," I answered.
+
+"May I ask you some questions about this horrid fagging?" demanded
+Miss Curzon, and turning towards me.
+
+"Of course," said I; "as many as you please."
+
+"Have you got what they call a master?"
+
+"Certainly; every lower boy must have one."
+
+"What do you do for him?"
+
+"Lay his breakfast and tea-things every day, and make his toast."
+
+"Anything else?"
+
+"Whatever he chooses."
+
+"And if you did not choose to do it?"
+
+"I should get a good thrashing; or, in other words, Miss Curzon, get a
+good licking."
+
+After a brief silence, she resumed her questions.
+
+"As you have been so short a time at Eton, I suppose you have not yet
+been punished?"
+
+"O yes, many times. I got a capital flogging yesterday."
+
+"Will you tell me what you were flogged for?"
+
+"For eating in church."
+
+"And what could make you do that?"
+
+"I had been fagging all the morning, Miss Curzon; and having no time
+for breakfast, I went into church with my rolls in my pocket, and one
+of the masters saw me eating them."
+
+"You have quite frightened me for poor little Frederic!"
+
+"Perhaps he will be more fortunate," I replied; "so I must even wish,
+as you said just now, that he may indeed be my fag, for then he can
+breakfast with me every morning."
+
+"I declare I will ask papa to place him under your care if you will
+let me?"
+
+"You cannot know, Miss Curzon, how obliged I feel to you for thinking
+that I would take care of your brother; and depend upon it, I will."
+
+"Yes," said the little lady, looking stedfastly in my face, "I feel
+quite certain you would. But," she added, as her own brightened with a
+smile, "you must now fulfil your first promise to me, and find my
+father, for I am so tired, I must rest here a little longer."
+
+"Very well," I replied; "but how I should like to talk with you here
+all night! Do not go away until I return."
+
+I now hurried away in search of her father, who, after many inquiries,
+was pointed out to me by Chrichton, though in a very inaccessible
+position; for he was standing with other important personages, among
+whom I could discern the Duke, by the side of her Majesty's
+poney-phaeton.
+
+"Do, Chrichton," I begged--"do go up to Sir George Curzon for me; you
+are more used to that sort of thing than I."
+
+All my eloquence being thrown away upon him, and on that instant
+thinking of my little lady in the grove, I walked towards the group
+with my hat in my hand, without further hesitation.
+
+"If you please, Sir George Curzon, there is a young lady in the
+shrubberies who wants you."
+
+"I think, young sir," replied Sir George, "you must make a mistake."
+
+"No, sir. She has lost you, she says; it is Miss Curzon."
+
+"Dear me! I thought she had been all this while with her aunt. Where
+is she?"
+
+"A little beyond that temple on the hill, there," I replied, pointing
+with my hat.
+
+"You need hardly go all that way yourself," said the Duke, observing
+Sir George about to follow me; "the boy can show her here very well."
+
+"Yes, Sir George," added her Majesty; "let the little boy run and
+bring her."
+
+"Well, then, my little gentleman," asked Sir George, "may I ask you to
+do so?"
+
+"Oh, yes, Sir," I replied, and I was off on my way towards her in a
+moment.
+
+"I have found your father. Miss Curzon," said I on my return, "and he
+has asked me to lead you to him. I hope I have not been long."
+
+"I am sorry you should have had so much trouble," she answered, as she
+took my arm; "but we must now make haste, for it is getting quite
+late, and I know papa wishes to go part of the way home to-night."
+
+"Do you live far from here, then?" I rather pointedly inquired.
+
+"Oh, yes--I don't know how many miles--all the way down in Cheshire;
+we took this place in our road from town."
+
+"Well, then, Miss Curzon," I said, as we approached her father, "I
+wonder if ever we shall meet again! You cannot think how I hope we
+may; but now good bye, and----"
+
+"You need not leave me quite yet," she replied, interrupting me; "come
+a little further with me--what were you going to say?"
+
+"Though I may never see you more, nobody will ever be so glad to hear
+that you are happy as I; for I would sooner see you so than any person
+I know."
+
+"Thank you, thank you," she replied, rather earnestly, "and I hope we
+shall be able--indeed, I am certain I shall see you again somewhere--I
+will not," she added, as we approached the circle, "I will not, if you
+please, keep your arm before them. Good bye, then; I shall hear of
+you, at all events, from my brother."
+
+She then left me, while I reluctantly directed my steps towards the
+college, which now appeared unwelcome and obtrusive. She was so
+different to everything I had hitherto experienced!--so gentle and
+kind--so unassuming, and yet so lovely--and now to be torn away and
+severed from such a person! That night I attempted to console myself
+in the following effusion; and as they are the first and last lines of
+which I was ever guilty, shall be here inserted; for though the
+versification is by no means faultless, they were true to my feelings
+at the time:--
+
+
+    When 'midst the deepest gloom of night,
+      While all is still and lone,
+    A heavenly meteor flashes bright,
+      But floats away as soon;
+
+    Does not the bosom of the moor
+     Seem doubly dark and drear,
+    Frowning still sterner than before
+     Did that false light appear!
+
+    So, lady, have you crossed my way,
+      Brighter than cloudless morn--
+    So o'er this heart thy piercing ray.
+     Gleamed--and thou art gone!
+
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+My first half-year as an Etonian had now expired. Brief as it was, it
+has been to me the most portentous period of my existence. I sometimes
+feel that my fate, here and hereafter, has hinged upon it--this world
+is globular for the same reason that a woman's tear is. Are we the
+creatures of the merest chance, or of eternal predestination through
+all time, if there be such a thing as time at all? The question is
+idle; for as we have never yet solved it, I begin to think we never
+shall. The Almighty has willed this obscurity, and therefore it is for
+the best.
+
+I sensitively felt that I was launched amid the crowd of a bustling
+world, to steer and shift for myself as I best might. Like other boys,
+I had a tutor; but, though a thoroughly conscientious man, he was
+worse than useless; for he was to be practised on with such facility,
+that I, with his other pupils, imposed upon him as we chose.
+
+When I returned for the holidays to the paternal roof, it was only to
+be fagged by my elder brethren; for here the fagging system, I regret
+to say, was not only tolerated, but carried out to its most deplorable
+extreme.
+
+Ever distant then in our days of boyhood, and that, too, while under
+the same roof, now that the casualties of after-life have dispersed
+us, we are become, to all intents and purposes, entire strangers one
+towards the other.
+
+As to my father, he was, of course, wholly engaged in the cares of
+providing for so large and expensive a family; and though a man, I am
+persuaded, of strong and ardent affection for his children, I can
+barely say that I was acquainted with him.
+
+Accustomed to this sort of distant intercourse from my infancy, I was
+desirous of no other, until the following occasion, which happened a
+year or two subsequent to the present time.
+
+I had been engaged in rather an arduous expedition, and, in
+consequence, was laid up a day or two afterwards with a fever, and in
+considerable danger of my life. As soon as I could be removed, I was
+sent to my father's house. In the evening, as we ranged ourselves
+round the fire, the rest of the family, from prudential motives,
+removed themselves to a distance. My father drew my chair towards his
+own, asserting that in illness one should not desert the other.
+
+By the time that I returned home, I had moreover become a confirmed
+"shuffler."
+
+This word bears, indeed, an ominous insinuation; but at Eton it is not
+so disreputable as it sounds. The shuffler ever employs what ingenuity
+he may be gifted with, in contriving how he may do as little in
+school, and as much out of it, with the least possible flogging; and
+it is astonishing to what a nicety this calculation can be reduced,
+and to what a degree of perfection a boy's powers for it may be
+brought, by constant and careful cultivation.
+
+Yet I was, I think, far from being an idle boy. I neglected my
+studies, not to become listless and unemployed, but that I might earn
+more time for other, and, as most persons would think, less edifying
+pursuits, and was therefore invariably devoted to cricket, rowing, and
+foot-ball matches.
+
+This, then, was the good or ill effect which resulted from the chance
+of circumstance. My father had at once concluded, that send a boy to
+Eton, pay the yearly bills, and his education was infallibly insured.
+
+From the moment that I entered the college, I had been carelessly
+placed far above my acquirements; and constant flogging was
+inevitable, for a year or two at least, until, perhaps, by close
+application, I had made myself equal to my daily tasks. But this was a
+prospect by far too distant to be entertained by a boy of nine years
+old; for it is the ambition of a boy not to be flogged at all--not as
+little as possible.
+
+An objection to sending a boy early to Eton is, that should he have
+the hardihood to brave frequent punishment, he may be very nearly as
+idle as he pleases; and at this early age, too, he has not the sense
+to apply himself to study of his own will, and that, too, while
+surrounded by so many temptations to the contrary.
+
+One flogging, without the slightest stigma attaching to it, or
+reprimand, is the certain penalty of failure in his task. With
+hardihood or without it, I then had no chance, though, at all events,
+I acquired it, and that too, to such a degree, and I deemed the
+penalty so trivial, that I henceforth enjoyed a delightful sense of
+freedom and independence in its way.
+
+If I bestowed a thought on the subject at all, it was to be flogged
+not more than once in a day, if I could conveniently do otherwise.
+
+Yet, in an irrational mood, I would read--I would frequently steal off
+to some quiet spot in the neighbourhood, and employ myself in various
+histories, of which reading I was always very fond. My favourite
+retreat was up in an old pollarded willow-tree, secure from fagging,
+and therefore enjoying the distant voices in the playing-fields,
+delightfully contrasting with the quiet splash of the trout leaping in
+the river beneath me.
+
+Thus I obtained a respectably accurate knowledge of the Roman,
+Grecian, and English histories, and a somewhat precocious insight too
+of the characters of their various and prominent actors.
+
+As for the heroes of the fabulous ages, I was completely conversant
+with each of their circumstances, and for this reason. I must
+acknowledge, that, as the hour approached for punishment, I was apt to
+be troubled in mind, similarly to a patient about to undergo a
+disagreeable operation; but no sooner had I opened Lempriere's
+classical dictionary, than every unpleasing anticipation was
+dissolved, and I became totally unconscious of vulgar realities, and
+absorbed in its poetical but unequivocal immorality.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+In spite of the ingenuity I expended, in order to imbibe as small a
+quantity of Latin and Greek as was possible, and of the number of
+persons, whom I have so frequently heard declaiming against the
+exclusive attention paid to their attainment, and with whom, during my
+pupillage, I entirely coincided, I cannot help smiling at the extent
+to which I have since _ratted_ in this respect. Now that I am no
+longer forced to profit by such studies, I have arrived at the
+conviction of their necessity. If a knowledge of our own language be
+desirable, they afford the only means of understanding the true import
+of the words which constitute it; and when, at times, I have
+sufficient diffidence to suspect my own capabilities of forming a
+correct opinion in the matter, and examine into that of others, I have
+to acknowledge, not only that the advocates of the dead languages are
+the most competent judges, but that the persons who oppose them the
+most strenuously, are invariably those who are the least conversant
+with them; while the former, again, are rarely heard to regret the
+time expended in their acquirements; while what superior though
+uneducated man, but has deplored his ignorance of them, and his want
+of opportunity to acquire them?
+
+But I have, of late, arrived at such an extreme as to advocate the
+study to the exclusion of all others, with the exception of modern
+languages. My paradox is this, that which is downright indispensable
+for everyday life, do not teach us; for then, in spite of ourselves,
+we must, in these subjects, become our own instructors. If, in a few
+years after we have left the school, we possess not a respectable
+knowledge of such common, and easily acquired subjects, as arithmetic,
+history, and geography, we alone are culpable; and the more the world
+makes us sensible of our deficiency, the more we deserve it, and the
+sooner we shall set about to apply the remedy. Teach us, then, in
+boyhood, that which we will not, or in this case, perhaps, cannot
+teach ourselves--a knowledge of the classics.
+
+I sometimes suspect that many persons doubt of their importance, from
+the fact of their being distinguished as the dead languages, while,
+perhaps, they are exactly the only immortal ones--unchangeable
+throughout all ages in their primitive purity. In an unwary, or
+perhaps charitable moment, I am seized with enthusiastic admiration of
+our forefathers' good taste in so justly appreciating the beauties of
+ancient literature, though I now and then have a misgiving that it is
+a relic of the cloister, which had no productions of its own to
+compete with them, and its traditional authority has not yet become
+extinct; not that the moderns have produced such works of genius as to
+supersede them, for those of the imagination are not to be accumulated
+to greater perfection, from age to age, like those of science. Indeed
+the works of the ancients, relative to the latter, are now only useful
+as instances of the progress of the human mind; nor could they be
+otherwise, as science is more or less perfect in proportion to the
+ages that have preceded; as it is the last man's knowledge, added to
+that of all his predecessors, or, as Sir John Herschel far better
+expresses it, it "is the knowledge of many, orderly and methodically
+digested and arranged, so as to become attainable by one;" and thus a
+respectable philosopher of the present day may possess more knowledge
+than even such powerful and original minds as those of Confucius or
+Zoroaster, Aristotle or Pythagoras: he is not like the goose I now see
+wading through the mud, and that can't build its nest a jot better
+than the sacred ones of the Capitol could.
+
+With regard to works purely imaginative, perhaps the very converse of
+this will be found to be the case. The bard of Chios is not
+superseded by those of the Lakes, who, as far as all beauty imparted
+by the force of originality is concerned, even labour under a
+disadvantage, for every author is conscious that a strong memory is a
+dangerous thing, and will interfere with his originality in spite of
+himself.
+
+If then the sublimest soarings of the human imagination conveyed to
+our minds, and clothed in all the beauties of language, are desirable,
+we shall seldom regret the hours we have expended over Homer or
+Virgil, Demosthenes or Cicero.
+
+But although this comparatively exclusive attachment to the classics
+may be Eton's most prominent characteristic, I suspect it to be by no
+means the most important or beneficial one.
+
+The contrast and contact, resulting from the sheer multitude of
+varying dispositions, refined by the gentlemanly tone of character
+indigenous to the college, afford advantages superior to all the rest
+put together.
+
+There are three other prominent features in the economy of Eton, which
+I have touched on in former pages, namely, those of fagging, flogging,
+and attendance in church during the week days.
+
+As regards the two former intellectual characteristics, I must admit
+that I am unusually obtuse; for although boasting a long and intimate
+acquaintance with both, I have never arrived at any certain conclusion
+as to their good or ill effects, though I have little doubt but that
+they contain a mixture of each, only I am uncertain which may
+preponderate.
+
+The former might be profitable, both to the fagger and the fagged, did
+it not commence and finish at the wrong end; for could a boy be well
+fagged from the age of fourteen to eighteen, he would probably be all
+the better for it, but during this period he is unfortunately the
+despot. Many persons conclude that the system acts beneficially on the
+youthful members of the aristocracy; but I think the same end might be
+attained, and more respectably, by the mere jostling amid the crowd,
+without proceeding to the extremity of subjecting a boy of gentlemanly
+feeling, to the coarse caprices of a tradesman's son. I have myself
+_requested_ the present Marquis of D----e to walk into the
+playing-fields each evening, with a slop-basin in his hand, and milk
+an unusually quiet cow that used to be there; but this office fell to
+his lot, merely from his being the only boy in my dames who knew how
+to milk a cow--in fact, it was his boast that he could milk a cow
+better than any man in England. Lord C----stl----h too, must well
+remember when a great wild, raw-boned Irish fellow, with a rope round
+his waist, would throw himself from Lion's Leap into the river, by
+way of learning to swim, while his lordship was appointed to pull him
+out again; but the particular time that I now mean was, when he was
+all but drowned, and vociferating with Hibernian vehemence, "pull, you
+blackguard!" every time his head emerged for a moment from the bottom
+of the river. But whatever effects this levelling process may have in
+youthful days, I suspect that they are by no means permanent, and are
+completely obliterated on leaving the school.
+
+With regard to the punishment of flogging, many persons condemn it, as
+degrading to a boy's character. These same persons would, probably,
+deem it out of place to raise their hats on entering a man's shop, and
+perhaps every one would feel it to be so in England; but in other
+countries, were they not to do so, the shopkeeper, from experience,
+would merely attribute the omission to what he deems an instance of
+ill-breeding, habitual to John Bull; or, when he is not aware of this,
+he will frequently decline to accommodate his customer. I mention this
+instance to show, that what may meet with disapprobation in one place,
+will not do so in another; and thus what to us at a distance, and in
+after years, may appear to be repulsive, may by no means be so
+considered during boyhood. Again, others will say, that it ought to
+be felt as a disgrace. To this, I can only answer that it never will
+be; for where there are so many boys as at Eton, this mode of
+punishment must frequently be adopted; and as often as it is, so
+certain, from its repetition, will it cease to be considered in that
+light--it is altogether a necessary evil, which flesh is heir to.
+Should the boy have committed anything unbecoming a gentleman, he is
+invariably and appropriately punished by the manner adopted towards
+him by his own associates, and the feeling of the school in general.
+Let flogging, then, still be tolerated as a mere physical and
+convenient inconvenience--its effect, too, is but ephemeral, and soon
+becomes lost among the things that were.
+
+Not so will be the effects of frequent attendance in church.
+Concerning these three subjects, perhaps no two persons could be found
+who might entertain similar opinions; therefore, it behoves one to
+advance any decision as regards them with caution and diffidence; but
+if one of them admits of greater certainty of opinion than the others,
+is it not that relative to the frequent occurrence of the church
+service? However the other two subjects may be opposed, some
+advantages may be still held out in extenuation of their practice, but
+I cannot help feeling that this cloying attendance on chapel must be
+altogether pernicious.
+
+His religion is not to be flogged or forced into a boy, like so much
+Latin and Greek, or even to be instilled into him by a comparative
+stranger. Until he comes to be able to inquire or think about it for
+himself, the duty of instructing him is exclusively incumbent on his
+parents, or on those who are in more immediate contact with him than
+the tutors of a college can be. The superior and sufficient influence
+of the former, in this respect, may be evidenced by the fact of a
+little Catholic boy whom I knew, duly attending church with the rest
+of us, and afterwards leaving the school, and remaining to this day as
+stanch a Papist as ever entered the confessional.
+
+Out of the six or seven hundred boys present during divine service,
+should only fifty of them have their minds properly disposed, there
+would be something to advance in support of the practice; but that
+even this cannot be urged, I would appeal not only to every old
+Etonian, but to every boy of the present day. With the exception of
+Sunday, to which, of course, I am not now alluding, a boy, in my time,
+would almost as soon think of bringing a cricket-bat into church with
+him as a prayer-book; and if the prayers attracted our attention at
+all, it was but momentarily, and that merely to ascertain whether the
+tedious chaplain had nearly arrived at the conclusion of the service.
+
+I assume the nature of boys of the present day to be similar to that
+of boys twenty years ago; and if so, I suspect that all these services
+have added about as much to the growth and strength of their religious
+principles, as the hundred-and-one paternosters and ave-marias
+muttered by a monk of Camaldoli for the last half century.
+
+But was the evil merely negative, one would hesitate to object to
+anything that has been adopted for ages by a foundation so admirably
+conducted as that of Eton, and which has ever worked so well; but an
+additional effect of this compulsory attendance is to induce, by the
+force of early habit, an indifference and callousness of feeling
+during divine service, which but few in after life have the grace to
+overcome. But are the tutors of the College sensible of similar
+effects within themselves? Probably not; for there is little reason
+that they should, inasmuch as they have been preferred to their
+present situations, and carefully selected from a multitude, in
+consequence of their very singularity in this respect.
+
+The promoters of this system seem to be guided, not by how it affects
+the boys, but by how they wish it would. While attending these
+services with appropriate feeling themselves, I suspect that they are
+apt to forget how different was their own conduct on the same
+occasions in their youth; or if not, they must imagine that the
+rising generation has become far more immaculate than their
+predecessors; "but boys will be boys" to the end of the chapter--and
+here it is.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+Six years have now glided away, and my station as an Etonian has
+experienced a still greater revolution. In place of being a fag, I was
+now the puissant "captain of my dames," and had six lower boys of my
+own; but my greatest privilege consisted in being the possessor of
+rather more than three thousand "old copies."
+
+These are the original copies of verses on various subjects which have
+borne the correction of their authors' tutors, and which have been
+reserved and put by, after a fair copy of them has been shown up in
+school.
+
+The collection now in my possession had been, for years, entailed by
+its founder upon the captain of my dames, whoever he might be, for the
+time being. These, then, I enjoyed for four years, and a subject could
+not well be given us, but I possessed it already composed on. True, I
+was once at a loss, when we had to produce verses on the death of
+George III.; but several copies, simply on death, with a dash here and
+there of my own put in to suit the present occasion, sufficiently
+answered the purpose, at the cost of but very little literary labour.
+One boy, I remember, actually had two old copies on the death of
+George II., of such respectable antiquity was his collection of MSS.
+
+In addition to this inestimable treasure, I had become, by this time,
+flogged into the school routine of business, and could now, with ease,
+perform the requisite and daily tasks, no longer laying in any claim
+to the designation of a shuffler, at least to the eyes of the vulgar.
+My four remaining years then, at Eton, formed, indeed, a dream of
+happiness.
+
+When not otherwise particularly engaged, it was my delight, on the
+instant of coming out of school, or church, to fix my eyes on some
+distant object, and to start off for it, merely, I suppose, because it
+was out of bounds. Being constantly in the habit of this, I became
+acquainted with the localities of the neighbourhood, perhaps more
+accurately than any other boy at Eton. The two most distant points I
+ever reached, were Staines and the race-course at Ascot Heath. These
+excursions I ever undertook in solitude.
+
+It was singular, that one of the most prominent features in the
+surrounding country should have been nearly the last I attained. This
+was the spot which must have attracted, one time or another, the
+attention of every boy: it is that beautiful hill of St. Leonards.
+
+Perhaps the reason that I attained it so late, was, that in these
+rambles, I preferred crossing the country as the crow flew, and in the
+present instance, therefore, I must have crossed through the Thames,
+and it was a long while ere I could prevail upon myself to pass by
+such a circuitous route as Windsor and the Life Guards' barracks, for
+an object otherwise comparatively close to me.
+
+About this time, then, I started for and reached it. From that day, I
+have always thought, that were it in my power to choose a region
+wherein to spend my days, this should be it. It is the only spot I
+have yet chanced upon, which, when viewed from the distance, with its
+details filled up in the imagination, delightfully fulfils and
+gratifies it to the utmost. What view can be more heavenly, than when
+we look through and over the tops of the stag-headed oaks, along the
+valley spread out beneath us, with the Thames winding and glistening
+in the sun, and the noble castle of Windsor in the horizon, proudly
+rearing itself into the sky?
+
+Notwithstanding this scene, I had been rather earnestly observing a
+distant but very lady-like figure walking across the grass, by the
+side of some rails, and I felt somewhat disappointed, and
+dissatisfied, when, at length, it vanished among the trees. I was now
+resting myself at the foot of one, and deeply engrossed in the
+desultory wanderings of a beetle on the ground, between my feet. I am
+not conscious how long a time I might have been thus amusing myself,
+when I was roused by an indistinct rustle close to me, and, on looking
+up, I saw before me the lady-like figure. In the surprise of the
+moment, I was possessed with a vague consciousness of some former
+acquaintance, and in the first impulse, my hand nearly reached my hat,
+but, in doubt, I withheld it.
+
+She, too, seemed to be in the like predicament, bending slightly with
+the neck, and I even fancied that her lips moved. The next moment, she
+had passed on, and I became sensible of the presence of "my little
+Frogmore girl!"
+
+Could I have the presumption to renew, at this moment, such a brief
+and casual interview, and so long ago, too? What was I to do! Had she
+given me a slight token of recognition, or had she not?
+
+At this moment, I am astonished at my determination. In a desperate
+state of agitation, yet without a chance of wavering, I now rose, and
+walked along the avenue to overtake her, as she was turning down
+another to the right. On gaining the corner, I found her a few yards
+in advance, seated on a bench with several other persons. I at once
+kept directly down the first avenue without passing her.
+
+Here, at last, then, had I once more met with Miss Curzon! Yet how was
+she altered! She was now about sixteen, and considerably above the
+common height of women, and her figure possessed an air of far greater
+slenderness than when I first met her. Then, too, her hair, which was
+mostly concealed, was light--now she wore a profusion of it, of a dark
+and glossy brown. She was in deep mourning.
+
+Every day did I direct my steps to this hallowed spot, but in vain.
+She had been on a visit, I suppose, and had now left the
+neighbourhood. But, to my imagination, she was ever present, the last
+vision at night, and the first in the morning, but I never could dream
+about her.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+Though ever leading a life very much at variance with the established
+discipline of the college, it was seldom that I was detected; but
+about this time, though really living in far greater conformity to its
+rules than usual, it was very hard upon me that I should now meet with
+a surprising run of ill-luck.
+
+At one time I had become ambitious of exercising the rites of
+hospitality, which was the more patriotic on my part, as every article
+of the repast had to be stolen. I had been led on to this expense by a
+friend presenting me with three bottles of port, which, of course,
+would need a few biscuits to accompany them; and then I thought of a
+dessert, and at length ascended to the determination of giving a
+downright supper.
+
+The brace of partridges, then, and the moor-hen, I shot on the other
+side of Dorney Common; the milk for the bread-sauce, came as usual
+from the old black and white cow. The ale, bread, knives and forks, I
+easily procured from my dame's own supper-table, just before she and
+the rest of the boys entered the room.
+
+An hour or two after all in the house had gone to bed, my two friends
+and I had roasted our birds, and enjoyed probably such a meal as we
+shall never again so much appreciate. Had each of us preferred the
+partridges, the affair had not gone off so well; but, fortunately,
+Tyrrel very aptly began to speculate on the virtues of the moor-hen,
+informing us that it was undoubtedly the highly prized [Greek: ortux]
+of the early Greeks, but kindly relinquishing his share of it, Kennedy
+enjoyed the whole of it to himself; for, though I doubted not but that
+the subject had been classically handled, I obstinately returned to my
+old opinion relative to the difference between a partridge and a tough
+old moor-hen. These, then, had been duly respected, and we were
+sitting round the fire, with the second bottle of port looking rather
+foolish in front of us, and were wondering at the cannons which were
+then being fired on Windsor hill, when we were alarmed on hearing
+somebody coming quickly up the stairs. Having blown out the candles,
+and put the bottles into my drawer, we each jumped into our beds, but
+were by no means pleased when the man-servant entered merely to awaken
+and inform us, that Tim Cannon had won his fight of Josh Hudson, for
+which great event the guns were then firing, and that, in the joy of
+his heart, he had got up to claim an even bet of sixpence, which he
+had made with Kennedy relative to the result.
+
+Such an interruption, under such comfortable circumstances, was
+enough to ruffle any one's temper; but I was still more distressed on
+opening the drawer to take out the wine and renew our orgies to
+discover, that either the cork had not been firmly fixed, or omitted
+altogether, for there were my shirts and neckcloths almost floating
+in good old port. At this instant, to add to my dissatisfaction, in
+walked my dame! The cannons having disturbed her, she had heard the
+never-to-be-sufficiently-confounded footman run up the stairs, and
+arisen to ascertain the cause; when, guided by our voices, she now
+joined our party, an uninvited and unwelcome guest. Indeed, we were
+hopelessly committed, for getting up and lighting our candles and
+fires in the middle of the night was a capital offence.
+
+On my dame withdrawing herself, in a lamentable state of distress and
+disapprobation of our misconduct, we instantly consulted as to what
+was to be done to deter her from complaining of us to Keate. To assist
+our councils, we summoned to our aid, "Fitty Willy," properly and
+feelingly so called from his weakness for epilepsy; nevertheless, he
+had ever shown great genius for getting into scrapes, and even still
+greater for extricating himself from their baneful effects. He at once
+decided, with all the assurance of an old stager, that our only hope
+was to proceed next morning, in a body, to my dame, and state the
+dreadful result, should she complain of us, and that we must express
+the deepest contrition of our delinquency. This, then, the next day,
+we had actually effected to all intents and purposes; and Kennedy was
+winding up the business with all the fervour of Irish eloquence, when
+I unfortunately burst into yells of laughter! This rendered his
+declamation null and void, and he even gave up the point at once; when
+my dame, writing a note, immediately dispatched it to head-quarters.
+To this day do I feel remorse for my martyred fellow-sufferers; for,
+on the morrow, never were they so punished, if I judge rightly from my
+own feelings; we were compelled, moreover, to write out fifty lines of
+Homer every day, for a month to come, and for these I had no "old
+copies;" but I soon managed to get into another dilemma.
+
+In a weak moment, I had agreed with Kennedy to sham ill and "stay
+out," the equivalent for which is, as we are too unwell to go into
+school, we are so, to be out of our houses, and when detected are
+invariably flogged with extra severity. On these occasions, too, my
+dame sends a certificate to the master, stating our respective
+maladies. This time, having merely acquainted her that I felt
+indisposed, it became incumbent on her to particularise the case, I
+being totally ignorant of the complaint she was pleased to ascribe to
+me. Kennedy's complaint was, that he had got a stomach-ach.
+
+We had now before us a long day and a beautiful one besides, and we
+decided that each should jump into a skiff, and scull to Cliveden,
+many miles up the river. This we performed in a very satisfactory
+manner, except that, on our return, just when we were opposite the
+beautiful little village of Bray, resting on our oars, and responding
+to each other the alternate verses of that aquatic air, now, I fear,
+become obsolete, though so full of pathos:
+
+
+    "Oliver and his dear,
+     His dear and Oliver--
+     John Mogs and all his hogs,
+     His hogs and sweet John Mogs--
+     Agnes and her geese,
+     Her geese and sweet Agnes, &c."
+
+
+I heard a voice close to me on the bank, which, by no means, chimed
+with the chorus, and the well-known tones of which thrilled to my very
+soul. There was my tutor, and I was recognised--Kennedy threw himself
+on his face at the bottom of his boat, and floated away undetected.
+
+This catastrophe, however, prevented us not from landing afterwards at
+Surly Hall for our cigars and brandy-and-water, where it now became
+Kennedy's turn to get into a scrape. Owing to the numerous and
+vociferous applications of the claimants for refreshment, "Mother
+Hall" is always prudently ensconced in her tap-room, to which the
+means of communication was through a square hole in the door. On the
+present occasion, Kennedy, in his impatience, had gone round to a
+window in her rear. On this quarter she was entirely unguarded; and he
+had got his head through, and was in the act of securing some
+biscuits. At the moment, our landlady was absorbed in concocting a
+bowl of punch; nevertheless, catching a glimpse of the outstretched
+hand, she flew to the point of attack. Kennedy would have now
+retreated, had not his ears wedged lightly between the bars, and his
+head become immoveably fixed, and the next moment the choleric Mother
+Hall was thumping him on the head with the lemon squeezer. His
+eloquence, so effective on most occasions, now availed him nothing,
+and he was seriously tortured. I think he was a little spirit-broken
+besides, for it was ever after a tender subject with him.
+
+Not having heard from my tutor that evening, I began fondly to hope
+that, taking into consideration the extent of punishment consequent
+on such a breach of discipline, he had kindly omitted to take any
+further notice of the affair.
+
+Neither of us having recovered from our indisposition, we were, of
+course, "staying out" on the following day, which we had taken very
+good care should be Friday. Instead, then, of being instructively
+employed with the tasks of that dreadful day, I was comfortably seated
+in my room, reading "Quentin Durward," when, alas! its beautiful
+illusions were dissipated, and I awoke to the painful reality of
+vulgar life, by being summoned to Keate, now occupied in the middle of
+eleven o'clock school. Changing, then, my book, and putting my Horace
+under my arm, I enjoyed the distinction of walking "alone in my
+glory," up the middle of the school, to Keate's desk.
+
+"Well, Graham, what do you want here?" demanded Keate, in his hurried
+manner.
+
+This forgetfulness, or perhaps ignorance, on his part, completely
+disconcerted me; and not wishing to inform against myself, I held my
+tongue, hoping that some unforeseen chance might yet favour my escape.
+But the next moment, observing his choler to be rapidly on the
+increase, I was conscious that this plan would be worse than useless.
+
+"I am staying out, Sir," I at length hinted.
+
+"Staying out, are you! Then you are unwell--yes, you look very ill
+indeed; pray, what is the matter with you? Tyrrel!" he vociferated,
+the next moment, "you had better bestow your attention on the place
+before you in the book, and I will presently examine your knowledge
+upon the subject--you seem to be very interested in the present one;
+you're watching, I suppose, to see how your friend Graham can exert
+his ingenuity in getting off.--Well, Graham?"
+
+"I have taken physic, Sir?"
+
+"Taken physic, have you! Pray, what was it?"
+
+"A pill, Sir," I replied, not very confidently.
+
+"Yes; and I suppose, no doubt, that you judged a quiet row up the
+river would do you a little good--stay, afterwards--a flogging,
+perhaps, will have a still better effect."
+
+As luck would have it, I was never, on any occasion, so slightly
+punished. Keate, though I never knew him to be guilty of an absent fit
+before, entirely forgot for what he was flogging me, and gave me but
+the average number. The laugh was certainly on my side, when, just as
+I had completed my disarranged toilet, he discovered his error.
+Neither of us could forbear smiling, and he congratulated me on my
+good fortune.
+
+The detection of my next peccadillo was not followed by such baneful
+effects. They were now making at Windsor Theatre great preparations
+for a night, which was to be graced with the presence of his Majesty,
+who had also kindly condescended to order the tragedy of "Warwick" on
+the occasion. I had amused myself by going up in the day-time to
+witness the rehearsals, and otherwise examine into the economy of the
+stage in general. I also made myself, without any evil intent at the
+time, entirely conversant with the localities of the place. To draw a
+full house, Mr. Betty, once the Young Roscius, had been engaged to
+personate the Earl of Warwick, and admirably he sustained it, too.
+During the performance, I had crept from the gallery--here always
+appropriated to the Etonians--through a door which had been purposely
+made not to appear such, into a place immediately over the stage.
+Across this space stretch the enormous rollers on which the scenes are
+wound, but in the recess where I now stood was stored a confused heap
+of theatrical lumber, such as an enormous gilt lion, a dragon, a
+collection of clouds, and other curiosities. At first I conjectured
+that the effect below might be heightened by the dismissal of a few of
+the clouds, but I feared lest they might dislocate a neck or two. A
+similar result might have occurred had I cut the ropes of the front
+scene. At length, I determined merely to launch an enormous dusty
+carpet on Mr. Betty's devoted head below. Finding this to be far
+beyond my single strength, I procured three assistants, and, at a
+given signal, we simultaneously launched it forth.
+
+At that moment the Young Roscius and another star were fascinating the
+house, when our gigantic bundle, lodging for a moment between the
+rollers, gradually squeezed through them, and the next, enveloping our
+victims,
+
+
+    "Turned to groans their roundelay."
+
+
+This occasioned an uproar throughout the house, and on regaining our
+seats, "the King-maker" had crept from beneath the mass, leaving
+Edward IV. still struggling under it: the former, with his moustache,
+ermine cloak, and other appendages, in pitiable disorder, was now
+haranguing the audience in the tone of a deeply-injured man. By what
+means I never could divine, or even suspect, but Mr. Betty arrived at
+the originator of the deed, and, to avoid more disastrous
+consequences, I was obliged to call upon him the next day, and promise
+never to do it again.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+Though by no means superstitious, there was one circumstance, and only
+one, with regard to which I sometimes doubted whether it was not
+influenced by some fatality, and the present case was connected with
+it.
+
+With another boy, I was passing out of the archway leading upon
+Windsor Terrace, in order to hear the Life Guards' band, which here
+played every Sunday evening, when once more I met with Miss Curzon.
+She was coming away, and at that instant was walking between two other
+ladies. This time, then, there was no doubt: as I passed, she made a
+very slight, but slow bend of her neck; at the same time there was in
+her face a fixed and serious expression. Slight as was the
+recognition, it was undoubted.
+
+"Why, Graham," presently exclaimed the friend I was walking with,
+"that lady bowed to you!"
+
+"And why should she not?"
+
+"And why should you blush about it so?"
+
+Never mind that--this was, and ever has been, if not the happiest, the
+loveliest moment of my life.
+
+On turning back, that I might, should fortune favour me, obtain some
+farther traces of her, I just glimpsed her as she entered a carriage,
+which drove away in the direction of Datchet.
+
+Once again, then, was I at fault, still possessing not the faintest
+suspicion of her retreat, for resident in the neighbourhood I was now
+confident she must be.
+
+It was six years and more since I had heard her voice. From that
+moment I had dwelt upon it and her, with all my mind, with all my
+heart, and with all my soul. But then, this might have been an ideal
+passion, as has happened to many of us, and we have never been less
+enamoured than when in the immediate presence of its object: but in
+this instance it was very different, creating a kind of fretful
+happiness quite intolerable. Byron says, in his ever-glowing way,
+that--
+
+
+    "Sweeter far than this, than these, than all,
+    Is first and passionate love!"
+
+
+But, he should have added, what probably he meant, early love. Love at
+twenty is as nothing, unless one's a fool. Downright love exists only
+with boyish and the wildest romance, infinitely removed from every
+grain of common sense. I will give an instance of this boyish
+weakness, though a ridiculous one.
+
+There was a maid-servant in Eton, who was a modest, respectable, and
+certainly very pretty girl. Notwithstanding the stoutness of her
+ancle, she had made a deep impression on many of the bigger boys,
+though probably not one of them had exchanged a syllable with her.
+This girl now became betrothed to a Windsor tradesman. No sooner was
+this ascertained, than her admirers let him plainly know, that should
+he presume to prosecute his design, it should cost him dearly. Several
+of them now never met the poor fellow without insulting him; and I
+remember one boy, more ardent than the rest, went into his shop and
+fought him chivalrously, like a good knight and true. So high did the
+feud now run, that the shop-keepers sided with their townsman, and for
+months half the school was each evening engaged in a spirited skirmish
+with the Windsor mobility for this Fair Maid of Perth; and I believe
+that, in consequence of the excitement they evinced on the occasion,
+the match was postponed for nearly two years. The boy who
+particularised himself for his pugnacious prowess has since become a
+preacher in the open fields, and a zealous supporter of the
+miraculously unknown tongues.
+
+"But these are foolish things to all the wise," and particularly so
+to me, though my head was altogether turned, and my heart too. My days
+were more than ever dedicated to roaming over the country; and in the
+evening I used to love to scull my skiff far up the stream, and then
+float quietly down while I watched the sun setting, and the luxurious
+yet modest forget-me-not, on the banks; then leave my boat to sit
+motionless on a retired stile, and listen to "the still small voice"
+of the mysterious bat, or the drowsy soothing hum of the beetle. One
+of these evenings, by the bye, was productive of a little adventure.
+
+I had just accomplished "the shallows," and was now rowing hard
+against the stream opposite Boveney Church, when I was startled for
+the moment by the sounds of a number of female voices, some of which
+even amounted to screams. On looking over my shoulder, I now observed
+an enormous pleasure-barge, with its deck and cabin crowded with a
+numerous party of ladies and gentlemen. It was drawn up the stream by
+three or four horses. At this spot the stream ran with such rapidity,
+that a boat which was fastened to the stern, had broken away, and the
+ladies became, in a degree, panic-struck, when they saw their only
+means of communication with the shore quickly floating away from them.
+
+It was now for me to do my best to capture it, though when I had
+fastened it to my skiff, it was with great difficulty that I could
+stem the stream with it, and reach them. Having at length succeeded in
+this, the instant I arrived, in addition to innumerable thanks, many
+fair and braceleted wrists were now proffering full and fizzing
+bumpers of champagne, while others showered various fruits into my
+skiff.
+
+Without any hesitation, I emptied a respectable number of glasses of
+their contents; and having declined the rest, they were reluctantly
+withdrawn, with the exception of one. I thought I might as well take
+that; I looked at its fair and kind donor, and--there was Miss Curzon!
+As I raised the glass to my lips, I glanced across its brim, and again
+the same depression of the slender figure--the same expression and
+mixture of fixed seriousness!
+
+Now, then, I at last had a certainty of gleaning some tidings of her.
+I saw Maberly standing by her side, and, the next morning, I
+questioned him closely, but warily, upon the subject.
+
+"I was rather lucky, last night, Maberly," I observed.
+
+"Yes," he replied; "it was no common person who gave you that glass of
+wine. Do you not think she was very lovely?"
+
+"There were several lovely persons," I answered.
+
+"You know whom I mean."
+
+"O yes," I prudently answered; "she was sitting on a sofa, close to
+the steerage, and gave me--bless her!--the first glass of wine."
+
+"Thank you," said Maberly; "that was my sister."
+
+"Then she was a very nice-looking person," I replied.
+
+"Don't you recollect, now, the girl who held out the last glass to
+you?"
+
+"Perfectly; but is she the person you admire so?"
+
+"Oh! you know, you're near-sighted, or you would have thought so."
+
+"And who is she, after all?"
+
+"I am not quite certain that I know her name," said Maberly; "but I
+suppose it is the same as her uncle's, Mr. St. Quentin, with whom she
+lives there, at the Grange, by Old Windsor."
+
+I said but little more, and withdrew, by no means dissatisfied with
+the information I had gained.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+
+When I look back at this period of my life, though it must be with a
+feeling of disapprobation--and when I coldly say disapprobation, I
+insinuate remorse--let me confess that I still do so with an
+undeniable leaven of envy; envy at the lawless liberty I enjoyed, not
+only with regard to my actions, but to my conscience; revelling in a
+deficiency of forethought and blindness of consequences, as truly
+delightful for the present, as overwhelming and deplorable for the
+future.
+
+I was not aware that "coming events cast their shadows before;" and,
+alas! that past ones, leave them.
+
+But there was one thing of which I was aware, and of which persons
+rarely are, at the time,--I knew that I was happy; yet I deemed that
+this ought not to be, so long as I remained subject to any trace of
+palpable, or, as I then thought, irrational restraint.
+
+In truth, like a good many other foolish fellows of that age, I began
+to entertain no small opinion of myself. I now felt that it was
+degrading to be shut in each night, like sheep within a fold, or to
+peep through the grated windows like a felon, and that I would not
+rest until I had freed myself from such restraints.
+
+The impediments and risks opposed to my design were great, but my
+fortune, or misfortune, carried me through them all.
+
+On examining the different windows of the house with this intention, I
+at last found one which I judged to offer greater facilities than any
+other; but as it was in the room of two other boys, it became
+necessary that I should intrust them with the matter. As, of course,
+they were also to be participators in the benefits arising from the
+success of our attempt, they were happy to join me.
+
+It occupied but little time to make our preparations for the sortie.
+The bars of this window were placed so widely apart, that by taking
+off our coats and waistcoats, we could each squeeze through. We had,
+then, only to subscribe the ropes of our trunks, and saw off the legs
+of our chairs, and in a few minutes we possessed a lengthy
+rope-ladder. We now went to bed, appointing three-o'clock in the
+morning for the hour of our first sally. Notwithstanding the height
+from the ground, and our suspicions of the weakness of our ropes, so
+eager was each to be the first to descend, that we drew lots for the
+precedence. This fell to Bush, who instantly commenced his descent,
+and the next moment, the silence of night was dispersed by the awful
+crashing and jingling of apparently a hundred panes of glass! Both
+legs and half of his body had passed directly through the window
+below. We had conjectured that there had been no window, but here was
+that of the unlucky laundry. The instant he had reascended, I coiled
+up the ladder, and retreating with it to my room, threw it under my
+bureau and jumped into bed, instantly expecting the whole house to be
+in an uproar, though, as it turned out, no one was awoke by the
+clatter. The following morning, the effects were merely attributed to
+the attempts of some villains to break into the house, instead of out
+of it.
+
+I had now to set about and devise some other mode of egress. The place
+I next fixed on for this purpose was my own window. Should I succeed,
+detection would be almost impossible, every suspicion being lulled, in
+consequence of the apparent difficulties for such an attempt. In
+addition to the bars, there was a wire grating in front of the window,
+which, moreover, was at the top of the house; but, then, the two
+windows beneath it had been economically bricked up, in order to avoid
+an accumulation of the window-tax. By knotching a breakfast-knife very
+finely, I managed to pass it beneath the fat piece of iron in which
+the bar terminated, and then to saw in two one of the nails which
+fixed it. I then took out the head of the nail, and the bar turning
+round the remaining nail, as on a pivot, left a sufficient space for
+my body to pass between it and the window-frame. I had but to twist
+the bar back again, stick in the head of the nail, and everything was,
+apparently, in its former state. By wrenching, in a slight degree, the
+tenter-hooks, I could now disengage the lower part of the grating in a
+moment, sufficiently to pass beneath, and having constructed a sliding
+board in the floor, under which I deposited my rope-ladder, I felt
+entirely secure from detection, and I was not mistaken.
+
+It was indeed a joyous moment when I made my first experiment, and
+felt my foot on the dewy grass, for I deemed that
+
+
+    "Then the world it was mine oyster,
+     Which I with knife might open."
+
+
+Among these nightly rambles, there is one that will ever be, I should
+think, deeply impressed upon me.
+
+Everybody in the house had been in bed for hours. As I was far too
+restless to doze on the occasion, I had been stationary at the open
+window, counting the hours as they slowly passed, and it was now
+getting towards two o'clock, when I was to descend the ladder, already
+placed and hanging from the window.
+
+In those days I was rarely troubled by low spirits, but at the present
+moment, I must own, that they partook considerably of the gloominess
+of the hour, and the scenery around. The night was very dark, but I
+could just see the ghost-like masses of the gigantic elms, as they
+stood motionless against the gloomy sky, and could even hear the quiet
+rippling sound of the river as it glided along in the distance, the
+night was so very still. But all this now horribly contrasted with a
+scene I had witnessed but a few hours ago on the banks of that river
+now so deserted.
+
+A school-fellow and friend had there been drowned, and I had heard his
+piercing shriek as he fell from his boat. His body had not yet been
+recovered. This morning we had been playing at fives together. How
+were he and I occupied now! I dared hardly think, and then I pictured
+to myself his listless and lifeless body rolling under the stream into
+some dark depth:--
+
+
+    "And there I sat all heavily
+     As I heard the night-wind sigh--
+     Was it the wind that through some hollow stone
+     Sent that soft and tender moan!"
+
+
+Just then the deep tone of the Castle death-bell came swelling across
+the river from the other side. In an instant I knew it was the
+harbinger of death--of the Princess Charlotte? I was right--she was
+just then dead!
+
+This now struck me as a frightful moment. It was not from the fear of
+death, nor, alas! from the fear of God. What could it be? I am
+convinced that no one has literally trembled from fear, but now my
+heart felt as though it shivered. I stood motionless till the last and
+least sound had reverberated through the now silent court, and there
+was nothing to be heard but the beating of my own heart. There I stood
+fixed like a statue, afraid to stir, even to heave my chest to
+sigh--this, then, was superstition.
+
+I gradually arose from my trance to be conscious of the truth; and now
+even concluding it to be my duty to combat against the weakness,
+though in a joyless mood, I descended the ladder.
+
+"Time and tide tarry for no man," and I think even less for me. The
+day had now come that I was to take leave of Keate and of Eton, and
+return to my father's house--and for what! I had not a suspicion, or
+whether I was destined for the army, church, law, or for anything
+else. The prospect, however, appeared cloudy and comfortless, and I
+was now to reside for an indefinite period at the only place, much as
+I did love the spot, where I ever felt myself to be in the midst of
+strangers. Here, apparently, I was another being than when at
+Eton--reserved, gloomy and distrustful--cold and unfeeling--wandering
+about the place like a solitaire, as I was. I had not, nor have I ever
+had, an acquaintance in the county--I had never been into another
+house. Should any friends of the family be staying with them, I would
+take my breakfast of bread and milk before the usual hour, in order to
+avoid meeting them, and then absented myself for the rest of the day,
+until dinner-time. This last was indeed a painful ordeal, especially
+should there be any ladies present.
+
+The truth is, circumstances, and by no means my own inclinations,
+forced me to be mute, and that, too, at times, when I would have
+almost given my life to have been otherwise, and then I looked ashamed
+of myself, as I really was, for my apparent deficiency of good
+breeding.
+
+But now it was that I was bidding farewell to Eton--an eternal
+farewell! now it was that I felt
+
+
+                  "How dear the schoolboy spot,
+    We ne'er forget, though there we are forgot."
+
+
+I had been an Etonian for ten lovely years, and--what had I acquired?
+
+I had, in due routine, become captain of the Oppidans--could, on an
+emergency, translate the dead languages--had worked myself into the
+eleven of cricket and of foot-ball, and now came forth from Keate's
+chamber, destined to learn that "the recollections of past happiness
+are the wrinkles of the soul."
+
+
+
+
+BOOK THE SECOND.
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+The youngest of a numerous family,--now that every profession is
+overstocked,--has no right to entertain considerable expectations.
+Therefore, when my father endured the expenses of my education till my
+twenty-third year, he did far more than was incumbent on himself, and
+far more than I, in any way, deserved. It was, indeed, an expensive
+education, and the object to be gained by it, the Church.
+Unfortunately, my inclination for this had never been ascertained, and
+still more unfortunately, from my youth, I had ever opinions and
+difficulties on religious points, thoroughly inconsistent with the
+established one. These I had ever kept within myself, and it has been
+my ruin. Had I earlier exposed them to my father, perhaps I might have
+prosperously pursued some other profession, and been, at this moment,
+something like an useful member of society.
+
+Finally, in opposition to my own judgment and conviction, I bowed to
+that of others, and was ordained Deacon, in St. George's Chapel,
+Hanover Square. I now retreated to a parish in a remote county, which
+henceforth might be considered in the light of an honourable exile.
+
+One Sunday, then, in the depth of a rainy winter, I set off on my
+horse, with my canonicals strapped before me in a valise, to commence
+my clerical duties. On entering my parish, for want of a more
+respectable asylum, I put up at a public-house, where I changed my
+dress, and came forth, for the first time, in the character of a
+Divine, walking towards my church, where I met with an unusually large
+congregation assembled to hear "the new parson."
+
+Notwithstanding my lamentable deficiency of self-possession, I got
+through the service without any distressing error--I ought not to have
+read the Absolution, that being restricted to priests, nor should I
+have upset the cushion on which I was kneeling, for, not having
+sufficient confidence to replace it, I was forced to hang on by my
+elbows to the reading-desk for the remainder of the Litany. As for my
+sermon, I knew it by heart, and it went off very well. I think, at all
+times, if my sermon was a good one, I used to get along well enough,
+for, as I proceeded, I became interested in it. On the other hand,
+when it was considerably below the average, I became even more so,
+labouring to gain the conclusion, like a wounded partridge to reach
+the adjoining enclosure.
+
+Having accomplished the service, I fondly concluded that my little
+devoir was finished for the day, and that I might now retire to
+collect my agitated nerves in quiet, but at the porch I was requested
+to visit an old woman who was lying in the poor-house, in the last
+stage of a dropsy. The only entrance to her chamber, or rather, her
+loft, was by an upright ladder fixed against the wall, the two upper
+steps of which were broken away. After a little manoeuvring in
+consequence of this difficulty, I entered the place in the attitude of
+Nebuchadnezzar in the act of grazing, "meekly kneeling on my knees."
+
+Like all other invalids in humble life, she was anxious that I should
+become impressed with the full extent of her suffering, and to this
+intent was irresistibly importunate in her entreaties that I would
+grasp her arm, and, to my horror, the next moment I saw the impression
+of my fingers deeply, and, to all appearance, permanently stamped upon
+her flesh! With this ordeal she appeared satisfied, and having read
+the prayers for the sick, I really suspect a little impressively,
+owing to my feelings as a novice, and left upon her pillow a few
+shillings, I do think and hope that her spirits were a little brighter
+than before--and there was need, for there were faint hopes of her
+descending that ladder more, save for her "long home."
+
+I once more directed my steps to the public-house for my horse, whose
+head I now turned towards a farm-house where I had written to procure
+apartments. I had proceeded but a short distance, when he sunk up to
+the girths in a small bog, but contrived to scramble out so soon as I
+had dismounted. I knew beforehand, that my future residence was
+inaccessible for any description of carriage, but as I was little
+likely to be encumbered in this way, it was a matter of no
+consideration, but it certainly annoyed me to find that every now and
+then I was liable to get my sermon moistened in a quagmire.
+
+In the midst, then, of these bogs was my solitary abode, which enjoyed
+the somewhat singular appellation of Pinslow. This, I fancy, from its
+situation among the surrounding morasses, to have been a corruption of
+"Peninsula," as it had but one line of access.
+
+I was destined to be the first of my profession that ever resided in
+the parish. The salary being very minute, with no parsonage-house,
+hitherto each clergyman, save the one of the neighbouring parish, had
+conscientiously declined the appointment.
+
+On reaching my house, I found it to be rurally situated in the centre
+of its straw-yard, but altogether well suited to my wants. There was a
+very good one-stalled stable, or loose box, and as, on rainy days, I
+would throw off my reading-coat, and rub down my horse for an hour,
+this was an object of some importance. I was equally fortunate with
+regard to my sitting-room, for, without rising, I could reach anything
+I wished for, from one end of it to the other. A second room was
+sufficiently spacious to hold the bed.
+
+Towards the close of the evening, laying aside etiquette, as Crusoe
+would in his solitary isle, I went out in order to visit a curate who
+had lately taken the parish bordering on my own, and who, like myself,
+had just entered on his noviciate. Here I found Seymour, a fellow
+Etonian and contemporary.
+
+Though we had never before been intimate, how happy was I to meet with
+him. For years had I been in the habit of seeing him every day, when
+all was happiness, and now to be with him again, though my prospects
+were as gloomy as the barren moors around us! I felt how different was
+my regard for him to that for friends of later date. The truth is, we
+knew each other!
+
+This, together with youthful and happy associations, is the secret of
+all those lasting friendships commenced in boyhood. We feel, however
+we may try to conceal it, that our acquaintances in later life may be
+playing a part, or at all events, may be guided more or less by
+interested motives; while, on the other hand, should sad experience
+not have taught us the same policy, it will inevitably happen, that
+sooner or later we shall have to deplore our imprudence. It is not so
+much that we are betrayed as misconstrued; our opinions are
+misinterpreted from ignorance of our real dispositions. This, then, is
+why it has become so imperative on us to shroud ourselves in reserve;
+and, alas! the more so as our dispositions may be sanguine and ardent.
+Hence, too, the Lord Chesterfield's scouted maxim, "Do not be, but
+seem," though his lordship is not to be reprobated so much as the
+world, that compelled him thus to advise his own son. But I fear I
+shall be found fault with by both parties, as I have learnt to be, but
+not to seem.
+
+No wonder, then, that we hasten to renew our early friendships, and
+throw aside all this deplorable restraint.
+
+"Your father is a horrid radical," I once heard a boy say to the Lord
+Chancellor's son.
+
+"And your mother is his Majesty's mistress," was the retort, in even
+plainer language.
+
+This is adopting the other extreme, but will here serve as a sample of
+that youthful openness, however ridiculous and disagreeable, which
+teaches us at once how to choose our friends and confidants, with
+little fear of being mistaken; and when we have arrived at manhood,
+whatever number of years may have separated us, we are still conscious
+of each other's nature, because we have learnt, in the meantime, that
+it never changes, in whatever degree it may have done so in
+appearance. Let any one, for a moment, bestow his attention upon some
+prominent person of the present day, whose character may contrast with
+what it was in boyhood, and has he confidence in him? in other words,
+is he imposed upon with the rest? He may cling to him for auld lang
+syne, but he will be far from being deceived, while the other is as
+conscious that he is not so.
+
+For this reason, I have always thought well of those who have carried
+on their early intimacy to after-life. One of them must be creditable
+to our race, for I have noticed friendship between two indifferent
+characters ever to be brief.
+
+Seymour, poor fellow, was just now under rather adverse circumstances,
+for he had arrived here but five days, and had been confined to his
+bed during the four last of them, having caught cold from wet feet,
+which I regretted the more, as he had but little chance, in such a
+country, of ever again enjoying the comfort of dry ones. When I
+arrived at his hovel he had just come down to his sitting-room, and I
+think I seldom recollect a more comfortless, or ludicrous scene
+either. Till this moment, I suppose, he who had roughed it as little
+as any one, was now looking pale, wretched, and emaciated, with his
+slender, gentlemanly figure crouched close upon the comfortless
+fire-place. Should he have the energy to stir for anything, his nicely
+arranged hair was instantly dimmed with the cobwebs and dust which it
+gathered as it swept across the low ceiling. On the dark and damp
+floor was scattered a number of splendidly bound books, with a
+Wilkinson's saddle. Along the wall was tidily arranged an extensive
+collection of Hoby's boots, and a hat-box, imprinted with "Lock, Saint
+James' Street," but which article was now converted into a temporary
+corn-bin, and was nearly full of black oats.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+It is but yesterday, when I felt that to be "a pot-hunter"[1] was the
+lowest step of degradation; and I was quite right, for then I lived at
+home; my father had an admirable kennel of pointers and spaniels, a
+couple of well-stocked manors, and a zealous keeper. But, since then,
+"a change came o'er the spirit of my dream," and my finances not so
+flourishing that I could keep up a shooting establishment on the
+footing which I have hitherto enjoyed. At present I am provided with
+sustenance at the cost of one shilling a meal; but should I procure a
+dinner elsewhere, which seldom happened, or my fishing-rod prove
+effective, which it never did, a proportionate deduction ensues in the
+cost of my repast.
+
+Once or twice, as September approached, it crossed my mind that this
+kind of economy was not entirely to be overlooked. But, no, no! True,
+I had got under a cloud, and "my house-hold gods lie shivered around
+me;" but, to become a pot-hunter! I had not fallen, nor would I fall,
+so low as that. September has arrived, and I have!
+
+To entertain a proper feeling on the subject, I am fully sensible that
+a gentleman should only destroy game, which, when killed, is
+thoroughly useless to him; and being thus principled, I am at a loss
+to account for the unwonted delight I experienced whenever my gun did
+its work on the victim, which in a few hours was to smoke on my
+solitary board.
+
+Some one affirms it to be as probable for an empty sack to stand
+upright, as for a needy man to be honest. The simile is ingenious and
+plausible, but as uncharitable. The weakness I have just acknowledged
+is undoubtedly attributable to my circumstances, though I trust I am
+still beyond the reach of the graver imputation. But I should be
+ambitious of proving more than this--the utter extravagance of such a
+theory; for it is a cruel one, and has caused both mischief and
+misery. How many otherwise inoffensive persons have I known implicitly
+to adopt an opinion to the prejudice of their less fortunate
+acquaintance, merely from their deficiency of the world's wealth! But,
+not content with this, these persons, who are the very people to
+esteem poverty as the worst of ills, not satiated with his
+destitution, must do their utmost to sink him still lower by their
+treatment of him; little suspecting, too, I should hope, that the
+most probable means of enticing a man to become a villain, is to
+convince him that the world deems him to be such. I have known more
+than one victim to this treatment, for all are not gifted with
+independency of mind sufficient to defy it.
+
+Owing to an insurmountable detestation of my profession, I spent but a
+few days of the week in my parish. It was not that I was careless, and
+indifferent for the welfare of my parishioners; for, in spite of
+myself, I could not but like them.
+
+Beyond doubt, it is imperative on a clergyman ever to be in the heart
+of his parish, employed in bestowing, spiritually and corporally, such
+assistance as it may fall to his share to be able to bestow. As to
+relieving their distresses arising from poverty, my finances were much
+too limited to be of any avail. With regard to those who were
+suffering on a sick bed, with but slender hopes of recovery, my powers
+of consolation were even more meagre.
+
+I have said that my opinions widely differed from those supposed to be
+entertained by a Protestant clergyman, and particularly so on the
+efficacy of a death-bed repentance. Could it then be expected that I
+was thus to smear myself over with hypocrisy, and to a poor
+broken-spirited fellow-creature, looking imploringly for religious
+aid and comfort, utter to his confiding ears such doctrines as, at
+that time, I unhappily and foolishly thought to be no more "than
+sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal?"
+
+This, then, was not to be thought of or endured; and, therefore,
+sooner than remain inactive among my people, I was ever, as much as
+possible, studiously at a distance. Still it could not but annoy me,
+should my presence have been required on any emergency, while absent;
+and this, thanks to my fortune, never occurred, though I had many
+narrow escapes of it.
+
+At one time, having postponed the preparation of my sermon during the
+earlier part of the week, I arrived, in consequence, at my lodgings on
+Saturday evening, in order to get it ready for the morrow. I had
+scarcely begun, when Maria, dispensing with her lowly knock for
+admission at the door, rushed in, and announced an event which had
+just occurred within a mile of the house.
+
+A girl of eighteen, and her sister of eight years old, had been
+spending her birth-day at their grandfather's, and, after dark, had
+set out on their return to their father's house, mounted on an old
+horse, with the younger girl behind. In the bottom of a valley which
+divided the two houses, ran a little stream, but which now, from
+heavy rain, had increased to a rapid and deep, though still a narrow
+rivulet. In passing through the ford, the younger girl, while raising
+her feet to avoid the water, fell from the saddle, pulling her elder
+sister with her. The youngest, much frightened, rushed through the
+water and gained the bank. The foot of the elder one became entangled
+in the stirrup, which unfortunately caused her head and shoulders to
+remain beneath the water. The horse was so quiet as to stand still in
+the stream, grazing on the bank, and was thus stationary long enough
+for the girl to become insensible, when he walked out, and her foot,
+on his moving, becoming once more free, her helpless little sister, by
+the light of the moon which was then shining, could just see the
+stream roll away the body of her sister towards a deep hole a little
+lower down, when she lost sight of her. This, then, was the cause of
+the present interruption.
+
+On arriving at the spot, it was distressing to observe the
+insignificancy of the place, with regard to such a melancholy event.
+The water where she had fallen, was not more than two feet in depth,
+and while searching for her body during the night, at any place I was
+able to jump across the stream. Yet, singular to state, we never found
+the body till the commencement of the fourth night from the accident.
+
+The corpse of this poor girl was the first I had ever seen. Her
+eldest brother had discovered and placed it on the grass, and as he
+and her father gazed upon it, while the moon shone down upon the group
+standing motionless and silent in the gloomy ravine, never was I so
+conscious of the intensity of the misery which _can_ befal us--that
+indeed "the trail of the serpent was over us all."
+
+The funeral of this girl was the first at which I had to officiate. It
+is singular that a funeral consequent on an unusual death should be
+attended by greater numbers than an ordinary one. On this occasion, I
+may safely say, that my little retired burial-ground, and its
+immediate vicinity, were occupied by thousands.
+
+Though always in the habit of taking great exercise, I never
+experienced severer work than on the day which brought rest to others,
+not but that I might have avoided it. For five weeks successively I
+have served three churches each Sunday. On these days I had to walk
+forty miles, and ride another forty miles, and once or twice
+experienced heavy falls with my horse. This, then, I suppose, was
+steeple-hunting, properly so called--all this too was for love, at all
+events, not for money.
+
+The latter, indeed, was very scarce in this part of England. My
+predecessor had served the parish fourteen years, for twelve pounds
+per annum. The present rector was in the annual receipt of
+forty-three pounds, out of which he had to pay me, but with the aid of
+a little simony, this was easily avoided, and as I took no fees, I can
+hardly call it a lucrative appointment, and certainly not a sinecure.
+
+I am fully aware of the fallacy of judging on any subject, without
+examining both sides of the question, but the following case really
+seems to have only one:--
+
+By great ingenuity, I should think, the sum of eight hundred and
+forty-five pounds is distilled from out the peaty soil of my humble
+parish, under the denomination of great and small tithe.
+
+From the sound, one might be led to suppose that this sum was, in some
+slight way, connected with ecclesiastical purposes; and, by-the-bye,
+so it is exactly, for forty-three pounds go to the rector, and the
+remainder is distributed among three wealthy and noble families.
+
+At first, too, one might expect that this sum would, at all events,
+afford to pay for a permanent and resident clergyman, with a roof over
+his head, "be it ever so humble;" but no, the parish is but the
+receptacle for the luckless, roaming deacon, and its poor parishioners
+are ever doomed to be as sheep without a shepherd, and to be fleeced
+accordingly.
+
+Among these sabbatical circuits of mine, there was one which, though I
+shall be, more than usual, guilty of egotism, I do not wish to
+forget, it was so in keeping with the nature of the country--primitive
+and stern. It was the only time I was sensible of fatigue, though in
+the present instance I had not more than two churches to serve, nor
+was I under the necessity of walking more than half of the usual
+distance; but I was so ill with the influenza that I was doubtful of
+succeeding. Attempt it I would, for hitherto, though invariably
+hurried, I had never kept a congregation waiting for one moment.
+Having got upon my horse, I rode him forty miles across the moors, to
+my own church first: so far from fatiguing me, I found that the
+freshness of the air had considerably added to my strength: still, the
+exertion of reading would have proved too much, had not the singers,
+perceiving my weakness, good-naturedly chaunted the prayers which
+occur between the lessons, just giving me breathing time, and
+sufficient strength to finish the service. The instant this was over,
+I walked away for the other church, determined, at all events, to
+persevere, for in a whimsical mood I had ever resolved to perform the
+Sunday's duty punctually, in spite of time, tide, or anything else. As
+I crossed each field, I was obliged to get on the top of every gate in
+order to rest myself, notwithstanding the exertion of it. On coming to
+the fatal little stream in the valley which divided the parishes, I
+became sensible that I had no strength to clear it, and that, should I
+attempt it, a total submersion must inevitably be the result. I had no
+time to hesitate, so at once walked through the ford, though at the
+time I was in a profuse and faint-like perspiration.
+
+On reaching the church, I found myself to be in good time, but had not
+proceeded far in the service, when I discovered the clerk to be in
+such a state of drunkenness, as would have appeared to the least
+fastidious, blasphemous and repulsive. In this dilemma, I knew it
+would be useless to tell a noisy boisterous fellow to hold his tongue,
+so at once, quietly but quickly, reaching his book, I placed it in my
+reading-desk, and the fellow, without a murmur, resigned himself to
+his fate and went fast asleep. In spite of the check which my wet
+clothes might have occasioned, I was rapidly gaining strength, and, to
+my surprise, got easily through the duty.
+
+At the conclusion of the service, a labourer's wife came up to me with
+the usual fee between her finger and thumb, the price of being
+grateful to her God for safe deliverance in child-birth. She
+apparently deemed me out of my senses, and I had to tell her twice to
+keep back the shilling gained by the sweat of her husband's brow.
+
+I had next to visit a dying man, and I had a dread of it. The poor
+fellow had been for many years an open and avowed infidel, and
+entertained an invincible hatred towards clergymen. He had, at last,
+consented to send for me, in compliance with the entreaties of his
+wife. Being an industrious man, he had realized sufficient to enable
+him to rent a very comfortable cottage, a cyder orchard, to keep a
+couple of cows, besides having by him a sum of ready money. A few
+years back, in assisting at the harvest, he had strained himself
+internally, and induced an atrophy. On asking the wife whether they
+were badly off, her sole reply was to take a cup from the
+chimney-piece, and show me, in heart-breaking silence, a sixpence and
+three half-pennies! Cows, money, and orchard--all had disappeared
+during a lingering illness,--and the poor old woman's inevitable fate
+was now to await the fast approaching death of a good husband, and
+then retire, for her few remaining and widowed years, to the workhouse
+of a distant parish!
+
+On speaking to him, I could not but admire his really gentlemanly
+self-possession, accompanied by a tone of respect and kindness. After
+I had finished the prayers for the visitation of the sick, I read a
+few others which I had copied out from some authors, selected by
+Paley, and beautiful compositions they are; the poor fellow sunk into
+an agony of grief, and I wish I had not read them. Was I wrong or not?
+I fear that I was, and am sorry for it; but we shall both know by and
+bye.
+
+On returning in the evening through my own church-yard, never was I so
+struck with its air of wretchedness. It was placed in the bottom of a
+swampy moor, confined on one side by the little decrepit old church,
+with its boarded steeple looking like a dog-hutch, and just small
+enough to hold three parts of a cracked bell, if I might judge from
+the tinkling of it. On another side, it was protected from the bitter
+blast by the poor-house, thus judiciously placed for the benefit of
+the invalided paupers. It was a dreary evening in February, and
+everything was looking chilly and black, except, by the bye, an early
+primrose peering out from the side of a crumbling tomb in the very
+darkest corner of the whole--that looked fresh and bright enough.
+
+I suspect the sort of humour I was now in, to have been occasioned
+either by my illness, the death-bed I had just witnessed, or the
+separation for a whole week to come from a person for whom I had
+lately found that I felt "a deep and tender friendship."
+
+About thirty miles from my parish, lived my nearest neighbours, and
+with whom I had become rather intimate. So much was this the case,
+that this place gradually assumed the character of what I recollect
+"home" once used to have for me, many years ago. To this house I used
+frequently to canter over on a Sunday's evening with all the delight
+of a school-boy returning from a detested school.
+
+Until now I had thought that my benevolent host had here been my
+greatest friend; but there was another for whom, to my infinite
+surprise, I found that I felt far more intensely. Yet it was odd that,
+in her presence, I was apparently cold and inattentive, and thus,
+perhaps, it might have ever been, had she not unguardedly attracted my
+attention by what she meant for a severe rebuke. I happened to be
+walking with her and a gentleman whose wife had lately experienced, on
+some occasion, a narrow escape of her life; "and so Miss Bassett I had
+nearly become a gentleman free of incumbrance, and then I should have
+come and proposed to you."
+
+"But then I should have tried to thwart you, for the mere sake of
+opposition," was my rather too free and easy reply.
+
+"Oh, Mr. Graham," she answered, "you might have set your mind quite at
+rest on the subject, for I should have preferred Mr. Goodriche a
+thousand times before you."
+
+"For what possible reason, Miss Bassett?" I asked, in sober earnest.
+
+"Because I could have led a quiet, happy life with him--now perhaps I
+might have liked you, and then you would have immediately behaved like
+a wretch, and broken my heart."
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[1] One who kills game exclusively to lessen his butcher's bill.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+It was on my way to London, in company with her father, that, as the
+sun rose, I caught a glimpse in the horizon of the hill, on the other
+side of which the abode of my family was situated--I may not call it
+home, for it is too true, that "without hearts there is no home."
+Still, how I must have loved the spot! its woods, its lawns, and its
+valleys! No sooner had the steamer touched at a port, than I left my
+luggage to go on with it as it might, and jumped out, in order to take
+one more peep at a place which set at defiance every recollection that
+I could force to rise up in judgment against it.
+
+Having walked twenty miles, I stopped at a public-house within a mile
+and a half of the place, for some refreshment, as well as to await the
+darkness of night. At ten o'clock I sallied forth, and the first of
+the paternal estate on which I trespassed was a large wood, every tree
+of which, I might say, was an old acquaintance.
+
+Here, then, what a contrast was I conscious of! Some years back, I
+used to range this very wood, the sworn friend of the keeper, in
+order to detect the poacher; and now I was listening to every rustle,
+and peering along the gloomy paths, lest I myself should be detected
+by my former ally. So much did my fears on this point increase on me,
+that I took to the open fields, and gained the park.
+
+Here at once, in spite of everything, I felt myself to be on my own
+property,--roaming about in ecstacy--visiting every tree that I had
+planted and fenced round years ago. Each of these I pruned, and even
+had the temerity to steal into the green-house, which was close to the
+library, and procure the gardener's saw, with which I climbed up into
+an old Scotch fir, and dismembered a large limb which over-hung and
+injured a lime-tree I had planted in the dell below. Having sawed the
+limb into portable pieces, I concealed the whole in an adjoining
+plantation.
+
+Notwithstanding the lights in the windows evinced that the inmates had
+not yet retired to rest, I sauntered over every part of the lawn, and
+at last walked directly up to the drawing-room window. The blind was
+down, but the shutters unclosed. By stooping close to the ground, and
+peeping beneath the blind, I could survey the whole room.
+
+Here were two daughters and their father. The eldest was fast asleep
+in an arm-chair; the younger one working, and their father, as usual
+reading a volume of Sir Walter Scott, the well known binding of which
+I at once recognised. I could not get a sight of his face, for the
+book he held before him; but I saw his forehead and thin silvery hair.
+
+What was now my surprise, to hear a carriage, at this time of the
+night, driving towards the house! I instantly placed myself behind a
+tree, close to the road-side. Curious to state, at that very spot the
+carriage suddenly stopped, and I might have touched it with my hand.
+The horses had gibbed, owing to the steepness of the ascent; and on
+her inquiring into the cause, I immediately recognised the voice of
+another daughter, who, with her husband, was coming on a visit to her
+father from a distant county.
+
+I now returned to my public-house, and was off at dawn in a coach for
+town. Byron felt from experience, when he sighed, "and oh, the utter
+solitude of passing your own door without a welcome, finding your
+hearth turned into a tombstone, and around it the ashes of your early
+hopes, lying cold and deserted."
+
+In all and each of my various excursions, in foul weather or in fair,
+I had ever one invariable companion. This was my horse, and his name
+was Clodhopper. He was a light bay, with a pale face. Our intimacy
+commenced under the following circumstances:
+
+One Saturday afternoon I was staying on a visit with a family, many
+miles from my church, and being therefore in great need of a horse, I
+at once went to look through the stables of an extensive horse-dealer
+in a neighbouring town. Having ascertained the price of several
+likely-looking horses, I ordered a large powerful one, for better
+examination, to be led into the yard. It was not unnecessary
+in this case; for the animal had one totally-extinguished and
+dreadfully-disfigured eye, a broken knee, both fore-legs fired, and a
+conspicuous spavin.
+
+"He's a little blemished, Mr. Turner," I observed.
+
+"Why, how, Sir, can you, or any other gentleman, expect to see a
+great, fine, upstanding horse like that ere, but what has a some'ut?"
+
+But as I did, I requested to see another. For this one he asked but
+eighteen pounds. With my own eyes I could see that he stood above
+fifteen hands, was only just coming six, and was a strong, hardy
+animal, with a written warranty for soundness. All this being quite
+clear, I could not possibly account for the lowness of the price,
+otherwise than by feeling quite confident that there must be "a
+some'ut."
+
+While thus deliberating, "Mr. Graham," said the dealer, "will you mind
+what I says? You'll never be married--you never can make up your mind
+to nothun, I see."
+
+On my getting into the saddle, to try him along a few streets, Mr.
+Turner added this very disinterested advice--
+
+"Now, don't you go and hammer a good horse like that ere over the hard
+stones. A parcel of little ragged, dirty-nosed boys, run athwart, and
+upsots a respectable individual."
+
+I did hammer him, wasn't "upsot," and bought Clodhopper.
+
+There were two accomplishments in which I think he was
+unrivalled--falling down without breaking his knees, and in running
+backwards. In performing the first feat, which, on an average,
+occurred twice in three weeks, he fell, without a moment's hesitation,
+directly on his head, and instantly took a somersault on his back; so
+that literally he never had time to break his knees, though he broke
+the saddle now and then. The second, he could perform at a frightful
+pace; and the more one whipped and spurred, the faster he would go,
+and never stop till he came in contact with something. One of these I
+suspect to have been the "some'ut"--unless, by-the-bye, it had been
+the whooping-cough, or something very like it.
+
+But Clodhopper's chief recommendation was, that whether in winter or
+in summer, with oats or without them, he was ever the same--stoical
+and indefatigable, so long as he was on the top of his legs. When
+eventually I had no further use for his services, I sold him for a
+leader to a coach proprietor, for seventeen pounds and a dozen of bad
+champagne; but I fear that the unfortunate wheeler in his rear must,
+by this time, have tumbled over him a lamentable number of times.
+
+There was another rather prominent character in my establishment. This
+was "Old Bob."
+
+The master whom he served was a neighbouring farmer, but I frequently
+obtained his services. His appearance was that of a veteran bull-dog,
+seamed with the traces of youthful strife, but in reality he was a
+pointer. Unfortunately, too, in his younger days, the stable-door had
+jambed his tail off within two inches of its origin, but still Bob
+flattered himself that it was a tail, for he affected to brush the
+flies away with it.
+
+I think he had a high opinion of my shooting, for, whenever I was so
+inclined, he despised the society of any one else. As he was a selfish
+fellow, I suspect that I was indebted for his services to interested
+motives. He was a pot-hunter, like myself, and would instantly swallow
+anything I shot, could he but reach it first. He could certainly trot
+very fast, but that was the best pace he could accomplish, and had we
+anything like a fair start, I could distance him; and so convinced
+did he become of this, that the moment he found me abreast of him, he
+would give up the race in despair.
+
+Considering this and other infirmities, for he was stone deaf and very
+near-sighted, he was highly creditable to his profession.
+
+Though he frequently found game under his very nose, he was perfectly
+aware, though his mouth watered to taste it, that he had not a chance
+until I came up and shot it. He was, in consequence, the staunchest
+dog in the country. Only once, in this respect, did I know him guilty
+of a breach of decorum, and that too, I must say, under very
+aggravating circumstances.
+
+One sultry day, at the expense of a great deal of time, and still more
+trouble, he had carefully footed an old cock pheasant round three
+sides of a very extensive field, and at last brought him to a
+stand-still in a bunch of nettles, and was now patiently waiting for
+me to come up and help him. In the meantime, an unfortunate terrier
+had chanced upon the trail of the pheasant, and now came yapping along
+the ditch as hard as he could scamper. Of course, Bob being as deaf as
+a post, was quite unaware of this circumstance, and as the terrier
+brushed rudely by him, poor Bob looked so mortified! He wasn't going
+to find game for him, so "the devil take the hindmost," became the
+order of the day, and had I not shot the pheasant, which they put up
+between them, Bob was so angry that he would have wrung the very soul
+out of little Whisky.
+
+After the fatigues of a long day, Bob was dozing in the farm-yard,
+when the team arrived in the evening from market. Nobody saw Bob, and
+Bob couldn't hear the wagon, which the next moment passed over his
+neck, and broke it.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+The sole thing connected with my days on this spot, attended by a
+satisfactory feeling, is the remembrance of my long and quiet
+evenings, when I did happen to spend the week in the parish. It was
+the only period of my life that I read to any effect, and I must own,
+that even then it was no fault of mine, for it was impossible to do
+otherwise.
+
+I used to rise at one o'clock in the afternoon, and go to bed at five
+the next morning. As to late hours, as it is termed, I have no sort of
+compunction, so long as I do not spend more than the necessary quantum
+of the twenty-four in bed.
+
+I was agreeably surprised with the number of works I crept through;
+among which, my favourites were Byron's works throughout, with his
+life by Moore; Butler's Analogy, White's Farriery, and Dwight's
+Theology, which last is as full of poetry as Childe Harold.
+
+The last half hour of each night or morning, I invariably enjoyed with
+my feet on the fender, in dreamy contemplation of the past, wreathed
+in the fumes of a cigar, and soothed by the lowly and desultory
+murmurs of the geese in the straw-yard beneath my window.
+
+At the distance of about two miles from me, was Winthra, a seat of his
+Grace the Duke of Northumberland. Though the smallest of his several
+domains, it was the most beautiful; nor was it diminutive, being six
+miles in circumference. This paradise was placed in the centre of a
+country which was hideous in the extreme. Here then, was "the diamond
+of the desert."
+
+We may remember that, in olden times, the amorous Edgar, on the fame
+of Ordulph's lovely daughter, despatched a confidant to her distant
+home in order to ascertain whether her beauty was of such
+transcendency as report declared it.
+
+In this spot, then, the ancient seat of the Earls of Devon, the future
+queen, Elfrida, lived. A park it has ever been, from that day to this;
+and as one winds his silent steps between the stems of the giant and
+ruined oaks, the impression is, that here the spirits of Druids linger
+and roam as the last refuge left them untouched by the hand of man.
+
+It contained the two sides of an extensive valley, sweeping gradually
+down to the Winthra, a beautiful trout-stream murmuring along the
+ravine. The only inhabitant of the enormous mansion was a worn out and
+pensioned butler; so that my sole companions of the solitude were the
+deer, and these being never or seldom meddled with, had increased to
+multitudes; and when one observed the huge and lofty walls with which
+the whole was shut in, he felt indeed in Rasselas's happy valley.
+
+Here, then, have I passed days and days, without seeing one soul,
+reading, sketching, fishing, and bathing. Only once was I sensible of
+an intruder.
+
+One bright moonlight night, I was passing along by the banks of the
+stream, when I observed on the other side something which I was
+confident, from familiar acquaintance with the spot, was not wont to
+be there. As it was lying on the pebbly beach, partly in the chequered
+shade of a beech-tree, and partly in the water, I was totally at a
+loss to imagine what it might be, but had a strong foreboding that it
+was a human body. A little lower down there was a shallow, through
+which I passed; and on reaching the spot, I must acknowledge that I
+was equally horrified to find that the object of my anxiety was a
+freshly-killed deer. The poor thing had evidently come here to drink,
+when it had been seized upon by some dog; and I cannot express my
+mixture of rage and remorse as I watched the damp, warm vapour slowly
+rising from the lacerated and bloody flank, and contemplated the
+beautiful but dimmed eye, glazed by the pale moonlight. Our peaceful
+sanctuary was violated!
+
+I borrowed the very old gun of the very old butler, and watched for
+the moment of my revenge till daybreak, but it was never satiated.
+
+A few months after this, having received an invitation to a delightful
+residence near the sea, and at the same time to meet some families of
+the county, among whom was to be "my own dear somebody," Seymour and I
+had set off in high glee with such a break in the monotony of our
+monastic habits.
+
+That afternoon, then, I was riding by the side of this "somebody." A
+sort of confidence had arisen between us, very delightful and
+unaccountable; except simply that, on one side of me, as I rode along
+the edge of the cliffs, there was the Atlantic looking lowering and
+stormy, mingled in the horizon with the still drearier sky, broken or
+relieved by the contrast of a very lovely girl.
+
+At this moment it was blowing and raining heavily, and, as she
+cantered along, my admiration of her was anything but diminished, when
+I witnessed the cheerful and good-natured indifference with which she
+treated a boisterous day of "bleak and chill December."
+
+Being an ardent sort of little personage, she had been descanting with
+considerable animation and enthusiasm on a subject which affected her
+deeply. Her hair, completely dripping, was hanging down her cheek, now
+freshened by the coldness of the pelting rain. I cannot conceive how
+anything could look more beautiful than this girl did at that moment.
+At the same time though she appeared serious and melancholy, and, I
+think, a little out of humour too, while her hat, which was too large
+for her, had, from the wet, become quite shapeless, and appeared
+pressed down over her face, so that I could not forbear laughing, in
+spite of everything, though at the moment I felt wofully wretched!
+
+Interrupting herself, and looking up towards the clouds, she pointed
+out to me, with her whip, a portion of blue sky, perhaps intimating a
+cessation of the storm. Regardless of either, I coolly as
+thoughtlessly put my hand out to take hers! but owing to the action of
+our horses, missed it. She never saw the attempt, and I narrowly
+escaped making a great fool of myself.
+
+The most egregious act of folly, I think, a man can be guilty of, is
+to allow himself to meet with "a refusal."
+
+We may easily have tact enough to know, beforehand, the real state and
+probable result of the case.
+
+In the present one, this girl and her family would have seen me at the
+bottom of the Red Sea, ere my hopes and wishes on the subject had met
+with, "a consummation so devoutly to be wished."
+
+Two days afterwards, I was standing once more on the deck of a
+steamer, with my carpet-bag at my feet, bound for a foreign port.
+
+The Church I have resigned for ever--my parish, Winthra Park, both
+deserted--and my humble abode! "its hearth is desolate."
+
+
+
+
+BOOK THE THIRD.
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+We are aware that, when we "train up a child in the way he should go,
+he will not depart from it;" but fortunately, when it is that in which
+he ought not to go, he certainly will depart from it when he can.
+
+Thus having consumed nearly half my life--at all events, the _better_
+half--at a public school and the University, preparatory to a
+profession, my antipathy for which was exactly proportioned by my
+inaptitude for it, the sole result is, that I can now answer to the
+definition of a real gentleman, "one who has no visible means of a
+maintenance."
+
+I begin to suspect, then, that it may be, now and then, just worth
+while to condescend and observe how a child's disposition may incline
+him to go; and though, as an humble disciple of John Locke, I am quite
+sensible of the absurdity of "innate ideas," yet it is very evident
+that, at an early period of our lives, we evince traits which are
+infallibly indicative of the bent of our dispositions, which are just
+as our natures may have been constituted, and this bent is better
+known by the name of genius.
+
+Now it has been beneficently, and I will say beautifully ordained,
+that an individual, by gratifying this instinctive impulse of his
+genius, not only augments his own happiness, but that of his species
+also, and, I sometimes fondly hope, even that of the Creator himself.
+
+Over an extent of country is distributed a variety of soils, one
+adapted for one kind of produce, another for another, and the
+aggregate may amount to so much. Counteract this arrangement, and
+surely the result will be far inferior. Indeed, where is the
+agriculturist who is not strictly attentive as well as acquiescent to
+this tendency?
+
+How exactly, then, do I imagine this to apply to the variety of
+dispositions among ourselves; and if we follow, with regard to their
+natures, the same economy, then shall we see how simply true it is,
+that when we train up a child in the way he _should_ go, he will not
+depart from it.
+
+The conviction of this truth makes me curious to ascertain the way I
+ought to have gone; not that I am unaware of my present tastes, but
+which, probably, are the mere effects of education, and consequent
+and acquired habits, while my early ones have long since been lost or
+"warped by the kind severity of the pedagogue."
+
+Possessing a tolerable memory with regard to events, I will, then,
+just rummage about its lumber-room, and see if I cannot tumble out
+some long-forgotten recollection on the subject, if I may so express
+myself; but I sincerely trust that it may not turn out to be a
+tendency for the poet, or some such inclination incompatible with the
+fortunes of the youngest of younger brothers.
+
+After some pains to effect this object, I fear I must conclude that I
+have never evinced any marked genius, one way or another, unless it be
+for that of the vagrant! What a shock to my theory!
+
+Though an idle boy, I was ever a restless one. Whenever I had an
+opportunity, I was certain to give my nursery-maid the slip, and
+ramble through the fields and coppices, though at the cost of a
+whipping, or, at all events, the deprivation of my supper. I could
+never see a distant hill, but I longed to reach its summit to see what
+was on the other side; and had I been more conversant with holy writ,
+I should have been ever sighing, "O, that I had wings like the dove,
+for then would I flee away and be at rest." In short, every spot in
+the distance seemed to be more sunny and delightful than that which I
+at the moment occupied. For hours would I lean my forehead against the
+cold glass of the nursery window, and contemplate the noble hill that
+swelled in the horizon. There, I had no doubt, was the end of the
+world. Then would I conjecture whether it were possible to get there
+and back again, and whether life was long enough for such a voyage. I
+then fixed my eye on a large beech-tree--which, blessings on it, is
+still standing--that I conjectured to be placed about midway. I next
+counted the number of fields between us, in which I included the lawn.
+I knew that it was not a very great voyage to traverse this last to
+the Ha-ha and back. Following up these data, I arrived at the
+astounding conclusion that the whole original expedition might be
+accomplished in one day!
+
+This, then, I had resolved to do; but which, after many failures, I
+never accomplished until several years subsequently, when I determined
+not only to effect this distance, four whole miles, but to push on to
+the sea-side, seventeen miles beyond. Now, this was a voyage, and I
+designed to perform it unknown to any one. As I was ignorant of the
+probable duration of such an undertaking, I was anxious to take a
+sufficient wardrobe, and therefore required a valise; but not being
+able to procure one, I purloined a long leather-legging of my
+father's, buttoned it up, and stuffed it with my clothes, and which
+now, when turned in at the ends, and strapped to the saddle with the
+buttons downward, would have imposed itself as a respectable valise on
+the most experienced "travelling gentleman." The next morning, I rose
+before the sun, and squeezing through the bars of the stable window,
+threw out the saddle and bridle, went into the park up to my knees in
+dew, caught poor little Forester, and was away, while all at home were
+still fast asleep.
+
+"Men are but children of a larger growth;" and in lieu of Horsa's-hill
+in front of my home, I have now extended my ambition to a region,
+which, let me confess, without any particular reason, I have pictured
+to myself as the nucleus of glaciers and avalanches--of mountains and
+mighty rivers. At all events, thither will I now hasten, if it was
+only to support my theory--at any rate, that I may enjoy the credit of
+being throughout a consistent character--though, by-the-bye, I might
+just as well have been the dreaded poet!
+
+On examining my map, I found that the shortest way to the spot I had
+in view was to go across the paddock and the Downs for the sea-side,
+where I went on board for St. Malo, and from this corner of France I
+must find my way across to Geneva, at the other corner.
+
+The passage across the Channel was, as I expected, far from agreeable;
+for when a man wishes his "native land good night" in single
+blessedness, with but a slender purse in his pocket--and as his
+country's shores diminish, while sea-sickness increases--he cannot but
+cast a lingering look towards the scene of his youth far behind him,
+which he is leaving, perhaps for ever, to wander he knows not whither.
+
+Thus have I paid for that liberty, which has enabled me to explore my
+solitary way through the most interesting countries of Europe. During
+my pilgrimage, as I have traversed the monotonous plains of La Vendee,
+the awful grandeur of the Alps, and the lovely yet sublime scenery of
+Italy, under every aspect--in summer and in winter, in sunshine and in
+storm--so have I, at times, been elated by the buoyant hopes of the
+present, as well as bowed down to the dust when I looked forward to
+the future. I have risen with the sun, my spirits vying with the
+freshness of the dawn; but how often "has my sun of hope set without a
+ray, while the dark night of dim despair shadowed only phantoms!"
+Alone, and on foot, I have accomplished thousands of miles over
+France, Piedmont, Savoy, Switzerland, Tyrol, Lombardy, and Italy--I
+have toiled along the dusty road, beneath the noontide heat of an
+Italian sun, or wandered over trackless Alpine heights through the
+midnight storm--have rested on princely couches, or on the wheaten
+straw of the peasant--I have joined the mazourka in palaces, or the
+tarantala in the wilds of Calabria--I have revelled in the scenery of
+Claude, or brooded over the lofty solitudes of Salvator Rosa and the
+brigand--I have experienced the frivolity of France, the dissipation
+of Florence, the profligacy of the Venetian, the degeneracy of the
+Roman, and vindictiveness of the Neapolitan, the insincerity of the
+impoverished noble, and the truth of honest poverty--I have wondered
+in the gaudy sanctuary of the Papist, teeming with devotees, or
+pondered amid the nobler simplicity of the Heathen's Temple in the
+deserts of malaria.
+
+Like the Bohemian, I had, indeed, dearly purchased this liberty! at
+the cost of every tie, even of religion itself, though perhaps
+unconscious of it at the time. I then enjoyed robust health, the
+main-spring of scepticism. Deprived, then, of the source of true
+happiness, and without any defined object in view, the career before
+me was a dreary one--though for the present my spirits were buoyed up
+by the excitement attendant upon novelty.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+My main guide through France was the Loire, which led me by a
+meandering route of nearly five hundred miles to the neighbourhood of
+Lyons.
+
+Knowing, at that time, so little of the language of those who
+surrounded me, as actually to envy the fluency of a parrot which I
+heard chattering with, I suspect, the true Parisian accent, I can
+scarcely account for the feeling of thorough nonchalance with which I
+commenced my pilgrimage, and which ever accompanied me to its
+conclusion. It was seldom even that I was sensible of loneliness,
+though I must bear witness to the almost inspired truth of the poet,
+when he says:--
+
+
+    "But midst the crowd, the hum, the shock of men,
+       To hear, to see, to feel, and to possess,
+     And roam along, the world's tired denizen,
+       With none who bless us, none whom we can bless,
+     This is to be alone--this, this is solitude!"
+
+
+And no one but the solitary pedestrian, entering a crowded city in a
+foreign land, can know this intense loneliness; but--
+
+
+    "To climb the trackless mountain all unseen,
+       With the wild flock that never needs a fold;
+     Alone o'er steeps and foaming falls to lean,
+       This is not solitude;"
+
+
+and I could scarcely feel that I had even left my home, when, towards
+the termination of my first day's walk, I came suddenly upon our old
+friend Blue Beard's Castle! Le Chateau de Barbe Bleu, as it was here
+designated. Not only was I for the instant transported back to my own
+country, but to the very nursery; for here, "once upon a time," lived
+the original and redoubted Blue Beard, the dreaded hero of our nursery
+romance; and, doubtless, I enjoyed the same lovely and peaceful
+prospect, though with somewhat different feelings, as "Sister Anne"
+some centuries foregone.
+
+Never, by any event, were my early days brought so vividly fresh
+before my mind's eye, as at this moment. In those times, to my
+recollection, the sun seemed to have been ever shining, the birds ever
+singing, the trees ever in leaf, and everyone equally kind, and it
+turns out to be but a silvery regretted dream, never to be re-dreamed.
+But I comforted myself with the reflection of a better man--"after
+all, the same blue sky bends o'er all of us, though the point above me
+might as well beam a little brighter blue." But I have found even an
+Italian sky to pall at last, to let us have as pleasing a variety of
+cloud and sunshine, as the better taste of Providence will afford us
+during our little day, and let us be content.
+
+But the impartiality of Providence towards us in this respect, is very
+conspicuous, or a little examination into the subject will clear away
+what few doubts we may entertain concerning it; otherwise, we might
+feel a difficulty in reconciling the various degrees of happiness
+which we are apt to suppose prevailed throughout the world, or to
+exist at present between different persons, with our notions of
+justice, when we revert from the present refined and peaceful period,
+to those of barbarism and bloodshed, or think of the pampered alderman
+and the overworked and starving pauper.
+
+Has, then, the general happiness of mankind actually varied with
+different epochs? Were the lauded golden ages so much brighter than
+these of the baser metal? No more so, perhaps, than, in spite of
+Homer's assertion, were the heroes who contended on the plains of Troy
+superior in stature or force to those on the plains of Waterloo. As
+the human constitution accommodates itself to all climes, so our sense
+of felicity fits itself to external circumstances; and thus the
+quantity of happiness, or rather, sense of enjoyment, existing at
+various ages of the world, may not have differed more than that which
+we suppose to exist between contemporaneous individuals; and this
+cannot be very great when we doubt whether the peasant would barter
+his poverty for the wealth of the prince, on the condition, also, of
+adding to his own years the fifteen or twenty additional winters that
+have silvered the hair of his superior. Thus, at all events, a few
+fleeting years annihilates the extremes of their lot.
+
+The truth is, the cup of happiness is very limited, and that of most
+men as replete as their sense of enjoyment can admit of; more than
+this is superfluous, wasted, and unappreciated, or even, as it were,
+condensed by the feeling of satiety which ensues; while, on the other
+hand, the rarer sources of happiness to another man will expand and
+fill the cup, blessed as he is with an "elasticity of spirits."
+Happiness, too, being for the most part placed in perspective, becomes
+equally distant or inaccessible to all, and seems to have been
+purposely placed beyond our reach for the same reason that the old man
+feigned to have concealed the treasure beneath the soil in order that
+his sons might become rich by the culture of it, which they
+necessarily, though unwittingly, effected in their search for the
+gold; and thus our only happiness consists in our efforts to attain
+the same, though the instant we become sensible of this, we find that
+we have then indeed exhausted the cup, and like the rest that have
+done so before us, take a long breath, and sigh, "all is vanity!" and
+begin to think more intently and exclusively about the attainment of
+our wishes in another world; for--
+
+
+    "Quand on a tout perdu, quand on n'a plus d'espoir,
+     La vie est un opprobre, et la mort un devoir."
+
+                  VOLTAIRE.
+
+
+I think that our Creator never meant us to be contented, and that we
+should always have something to look forward to and fret about--"It is
+thy vocation, Hal,"--or we sink into apathy, and become averse to the
+prospect of the last great change. "Well, Mr. Graham," said a once
+contented, but now expiring Nimrod to me, "after all you have said,
+give me a thousand a-year, and the old bald-faced mare again, and I
+don't care if I never see the kingdom of Heaven." Or, as Johnson
+parodied the enjoyment of the savage--"With this cow by my side, and
+this grass at my feet, what can a bull wish for more?" Contentment!
+Nothing with vitality must, or ever will be contented, save a
+vegetable, or a toad in the centre of a rock, and he probably is
+sighing, with Sterne's starling, "I can't get out!"
+
+Occupation seems to be the original, or true source of all enjoyment;
+though for this word I would substitute that of progress, and implying
+successful occupation. My friend and I each possess an estate of six
+thousand pounds, but the former lately possessed twenty thousand, and
+I nothing. Which of us is now the more happily situated?
+
+Hence arises the happiness of the saint-like and self-denying hermit;
+his complaint, "I can't get out!" lasts as long as he does, while he
+progresses with every flying moment; and conversely, the most unhappy
+man is the idle and irreligious one. Happiness was mingled with sorrow
+when Gibbon penned this most interesting but melancholy passage on the
+termination of twenty years' incessant labour, and which should give
+us a deep insight into the philosophy of life.
+
+"It was," says he, "on the day, or rather night, of the 27th of June,
+1787, between the hours of eleven and twelve, that I wrote the last
+lines of the last page, in a summer-house in my garden. After laying
+down my pen, I took several turns in a _berceau_, or covered walk of
+acacias, which commands a prospect of the country, the lake, and the
+mountains. The air was temperate, the sky was serene; the silver orb
+of the moon was reflected from the waters, and all nature was silent.
+I will not dissemble the first emotions of joy on the recovery of my
+freedom, and perhaps the establishment of my fame. But my pride was
+soon humbled, and a sober melancholy was spread over my mind, by the
+idea that I had taken an everlasting leave of an old and agreeable
+companion; and that whatsoever might be the future fate of my history,
+the life of the historian might be short and precarious."
+
+Othello's _occupation_ was gone. I made a pilgrimage to this spot on
+the banks of the Lake of Geneva, and reached it towards the close of a
+summer's evening, and saw all as the historian had described it; on
+returning the next morning, the arbour and its creepers were lying
+prostrate on the ground!
+
+But the general and more prosperous lot--for a beneficent Creator has
+willed a preponderance of happiness--is pictured by, probably, the
+most pertinent and poetical simile ever devised. Keeping in view the
+career of man on earth, "the river," says Pliny, "springs from the
+earth, but its origin is in heaven. Its beginnings are insignificant,
+and its infancy frivolous; it plays among the flowers of a meadow; it
+waters a garden, or turns a little mill. Gathering strength in its
+youth, it sometimes becomes wild and impetuous. Impatient of the
+restraints it meets with in the hollows among the mountains, it is,
+perhaps, restless and turbulent, quick in its turnings, and unsteady
+in its course. In its more advanced age, it comes abroad into the
+world, journeying with more prudence and discretion, through
+cultivated fields; and no longer headstrong in its course, but
+yielding to circumstances, it winds round what would trouble it to
+overcome and remove. It passes through populous cities, and all the
+busy haunts of man, tendering its services on every side, and becoming
+the support and ornament of the country. Now increased by numerous
+alliances, and advanced in its course, it loves peace and quiet, and
+in majestic silence rolls on its mighty waters, until it is laid to
+rest in the vast abyss."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+So long as I followed the course of the Loire, I was each day
+surrounded, though not by magnificent, yet by a beautiful and happy
+kind of scenery; but as often as I quitted its banks for a few days,
+in order that I might pursue a more direct line towards the mountains
+of Savoy, which now began dimly to appear in the horizon, so often was
+I compelled to pass over a level and treeless soil, and with the
+captive of twenty years imprisonment, when led into the street only to
+be executed at the other end, I began to sigh, "O, that I might but
+look on a green tree once more!" And I shall long remember the
+cheerful and delightful sensation, as I again drew near the verdant
+tracts, and then listened to the distant sound of the rapid Loire.
+
+During one of these detours, but through a well-wooded plain, on my
+way towards the old city of Bourges, I had long been pacing through a
+deep and dusty lane formed purposely to exclude every breath of air,
+while the sun appeared to be heaping coals of fire on my devoted head.
+I was at length compelled to sit down considerably affected by the
+intense heat and leg-weariness. The day was now somewhat advanced,
+while, to all appearance, there was no termination to the silent
+woods, or, perhaps, forests on every side.
+
+
+    "A night in the greenwood spent,
+     Is but to-morrow's merriment;"
+
+
+but I was now so annoyed by thirst that I was again compelled to rise
+and persevere in toiling on my way, until I was so fortunate as to
+meet with a man, whose rough and wild exterior portended anything or
+everything sooner than such satisfactory tidings as I was sufficiently
+ingenious to extract from him. Conducting me a little in advance, he
+pointed towards a distant but gigantic cross, rearing itself up into
+the blue sky, and then left me, apparently confident that I should
+find everything needful at the foot of that cross.
+
+Having reached this in about half an hour, I observed a monastery
+situated in a valley beneath me. This, then, I conjectured was to be
+my _auberge_; for, on looking around, nothing was to be seen save the
+aforesaid interminable glades, and, what was still somewhat
+perplexing, the monastery itself was apparently tenantless. Having
+seated myself in the shade, in order to contemplate some contrivance
+by which, in a respectful manner, I might gain admittance and reveal
+my necessities, during perhaps an hour's suspense, I recognised not a
+token of habitation, until at length a bell lazily tolled, and echoed
+among the solitary woods.
+
+Descending into the valley, I now approached the portal, within which
+I found a person with a brown freckled face, enveloped in a cowl of
+the same colour, seated motionless on a cold stone bench behind the
+gate. For the instant, I was the rude Gaul, surveying the mysterious
+senator of the forum; but without insulting his beard, or wasting
+words on the subject, I followed my silent conductor through several
+extensive corridors, into a spacious and very habitable salon, where a
+remarkable and interesting person shortly made his appearance,
+approaching with his hand proffered in token of welcome, while his
+face beamed with everything one could imagine to be associated with
+benevolence and charity. He seemed to divine by instinct that I was an
+Englishman, as promptly as he did by my embarrassment that I was no
+Frenchman, addressing me in my own language with great fluency,
+though, as was to be expected, with a considerable accent. Informing
+me that I was welcome to his monastery, he withdrew to order some
+refreshment. Returning shortly with a monk, he announced my supper;
+and I shall not forget the sense of humiliation I experienced, when
+compelled to sit at table and be attended on by two persons, each of
+whom was half a century my senior, and one of them that might grace
+the proudest aristocracy of Europe, of which, indeed, this abbot, Pere
+Antoine, was once a member in his youthful days, at the court of Louis
+XV.
+
+The monk who had now joined us proved to be my countryman, which
+circumstance had induced his Superior to grant him the indulgence of
+entertaining the stranger. I may be permitted to say indulgence, for,
+with a face glowing with delight, he let me know that he had not
+listened to his native tongue for fifteen years.
+
+My supper consisted of broth, potatoes, and artichokes, which also
+comprised my breakfast, as well as dinner, during my sojourn of three
+days in this monastery, where they esteem even fish and eggs to be too
+carnal. Such is the austerity of their lives, that this monk, who was
+their physician, informed me that it required three entire years to
+become inured to it, but that those who stood the ordeal mostly
+attained a very great age. Their clothing, food, and medicines are
+each confined to such as they themselves can manufacture from the
+produce of the surrounding acres, of which they are the cultivators.
+As the sun went down, the Abbot and his companion, wishing me
+good-night, retired to rest. On approaching the window, I observed
+another monk sauntering from the burial-ground, where, with his
+hands, in conformity to their daily custom, he had been scooping out
+his final resting-place.
+
+Never have I been so conscious of intense loneliness and solitude! It
+was now about midnight, and the moon was shining brightly on the Abbey
+lake. Not a leaf was stirring, and all things as still as death, while
+the clear evening star shone cold and motionless over the dark edge of
+the forest, towering black and gloomy in the silent distance. I was as
+"the last man." Not a soul was breathing nearer to me than the poor
+old monks, who, hours ago, had crept to their dormitory in the
+farthest cloister of the Abbey.
+
+The order among whom I was, was that of La Trappe, which is by far the
+most austere sect in Christendom. They allow themselves but five
+hours' sleep, and that on a bare board, without putting off their
+clothes. They perform masses each morning, from half-past two until
+six o'clock; they deny themselves any meat whatever, their meal
+invariably consisting of some oaten bread, with a little poor wine of
+their own growing, disguised in water; and--they never speak!
+
+When we reflect that what is not only the great characteristic between
+man and the brute, but perhaps the most wonderful and beneficent gift
+of God to man should be thus rejected, we cannot but be possessed
+with a very sorry opinion of such an unjustifiable institution.
+
+I have now spent a few days with two of them, both of whom were as
+agreeable, truly well-bred men, as I ever met with; but what is the
+more remarkable is that these two old men, who have lived, or rather
+but just existed under such privations, were as good-tempered,
+kind-hearted old persons, as it is capable for human frailty to
+attain; and when we consider that each day is a day of penance, and
+that, too, a monotonous penance, with not a prospect beyond their
+walls, and none within, save their burial-ground, perhaps there is
+nothing in the character of man so unaccountable as such overwhelming
+immolation, unless it be that they esteem this life as so
+insignificant, such a nothingness in comparison to eternity, and that
+endless glories are to be earned by, comparatively speaking, momentary
+deprivation, that they endure it as martyrs. And when, as I was, in
+the stillness of the crumbling Abbey, while its bell tolled the hour
+and reverberated through the courts and deserted cloisters, I
+remembered that these poor old men, so kind, so hospitable to the
+stranger, so denying, so unsparing to themselves, had here buried
+their youth under such belief, I could not but from my heart wish them
+compensation as extreme as their delusion.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+On reaching Bourges, my attention was attracted by an object widely
+differing from the venerable Abbot. Judging from my own experience, I
+may confidently affirm that not an Englishman quits his country, but
+he instantly becomes sensible of the comparative plainness of the
+fairer sex. I need hardly say that I allude to that of the lower
+orders; for as I was circumstanced, I was but little qualified to
+estimate the attributes of the more exclusive circles, only one of
+whom I chanced to meet, or rather to approach, during my ramble
+through France. Whether it was from unexpectedly meeting with a
+moderately humanised countenance suddenly appearing among those I
+observed daily around me, or that I had met with a face exquisitely
+lovely, I will not determine. I had been awaiting the arrival of the
+Mal Poste for Marseilles, the passengers of which were expected to
+join the table d'hote. For the last ten minutes I had been
+contemplating a dark, muddy court-yard beneath the window. The
+travellers having arrived and taken their seats at the table, I sat
+down, and was instantly startled by the face that I observed opposite
+to me, contrasted, as it chanced to be, with a dark unshaven one on
+either side of it. The salon was nearly as sombre as midnight, and
+there was a delicate and oval face, brightened by a pair of large soft
+eyes, "with fire rolling at the bottom of them!" Long, long did I
+deplore my deficiency of the organ of language; for with such a person
+for my _vis-a-vis_, I could open my mouth but to eat!
+
+We are little aware how exclusively we derive our opinion of others
+from their appearance and manner, and so independently of the
+sentiments they utter. Until we live among those with whom we cannot
+converse, it is impossible to be sensible of this truth; but I am
+confident, from long experience, that it is the fact. I have formed as
+correct an opinion of a German's character, not a word of whose
+language was intelligible to me, as of the Englishman's beside him,
+and perhaps more so, as not being misled by what he might choose to
+advance. And in support of this assertion, I will just mention, that I
+have subsequently met with foreigners, whom it has given me great
+pleasure to meet with, again and again, and that a mutual regard has
+existed between us, though neither has, for a moment, been verbally
+intelligible to the other.
+
+As, then, it is so possible thus to estimate a person, I will just
+select the one opposite to me as an interesting example, for I well
+remember her. She appeared to be about seventeen, and radiant with
+youth and freshness, but accompanied with a delicacy and slenderness,
+as excessive as could be consistent with health. Her manner was
+completely fascinating, and her voice particularly so, when you
+observed the lips and teeth from whence it floated. She was a sort of
+fond person, and yet with a great share of humour--very talented, but
+all in delightful subjection to a refined and delicate feeling. Alas!
+the morrow's sun saw us, by roads as opposite as our future paths
+through life, departing from Bourges for ever.
+
+Bidding farewell, even to a disagreeable person, when you know it to
+be _for ever_, causes a blank, unpleasant sensation, and therefore I
+was now weighed down with a feeling of desolation quite oppressive.
+The sole thing that seemed to cling to me was my knapsack. No sooner
+have I ever formed any sort of regard for any sort of person, than
+Geoffrey Crayon's words, "Tom, you're wanted," dole upon my ear, and I
+must away. This is the curse of the traveller. And now what has since
+been the fate of this person? Confusion overwhelm the clogs and
+procrastination of civilised society! As Geoffrey Crayon once more
+bluntly states it, "Done," said the devil--"Done," said Tom
+Walker--so they shook hands, and struck a bargain; and why could not
+she and I have done the same! But she has gone, and that her days of
+life might be brightened with cloudless serenity, no one so ardently
+prayed, as a homeless and hopeless unknown; for I found that--
+
+
+    "The heart like the tendril accustomed to cling,
+       Let it grow where it will cannot flourish alone,
+     But must lean to the nearest, loveliest thing
+       It can twine itself round, and make closely its own."
+
+
+And, to make the matter worse, I had also at this time finally to
+separate from my oldest companions, a pair of shoes. They formed the
+last relic of my English wardrobe, and had borne me over a long
+distance. Having really an attachment for them, I placed them high up
+in the fork of a Spanish chestnut tree, whither I could not help again
+climbing up, that I might take a last look at them as they rested pale
+with the dust of leagues, uncomplaining though deserted.
+
+In a few days more I had reached the heart of Switzerland; but what a
+contrast had I experienced in passing from one country to the other!
+The whole of France, with the exception of my ever happy Loire, must
+surely be the most monotonous and unpicturesque tract of the whole
+continent; while Switzerland presents, at every turn, a combination
+of the paradisaical and of terrific sterility. Smiling patriarchal
+pastures, walled in by granite mountains, frowning in eternal silence
+and solitude, save when thundering with the awful avalanche. I said
+that their piles of granite were barren; but what a moment is it to
+explore your way companionless, and find them to be the source and
+spring of richness and fertility to Europe, as the sun is of warmth
+and light to the world--to pick your doubtfully hazardous way across
+the glacier, and there read great Nature's receipt for making rivers.
+You find that the nearer you climb towards the heavens, the more
+palpable are the works of their Creator:--
+
+
+    "My altars are the mountains, and the ocean--
+    Earth, air, stars--all that proceed from the great Whole,
+    Who has made and will receive the soul."
+
+
+As to how mine was likely to be disposed of, the moment had now
+arrived when I was to consider; for not only had severe sickness
+overtaken me, but I suspected that my death-blow had been received.
+Severe sickness will bring the stoutest of us, and the most
+unthinking, to reflect soberly on the past, the present, and the
+future; at all events, it had this effect on me one night, among many
+other restless and sleepless ones, as in solitude I watched the
+flickering flame of the candle by my bedside. As for the present,
+until the moment of leaving my country, I had bestowed but little
+attention on it. It is the man of the world, who is wisely engrossed
+with that period; and, unfortunately, I had never been gifted with, or
+rather had never acquired, a sufficient stock of common sense to
+enable me to approximate that character.
+
+We all love to contemplate and dwell on the brightest side of things,
+simply because that is the most pleasing to us; and having but little
+self-denial, I ever enveloped myself in the past, the sunniest side of
+my existence.
+
+As for the future, with regard to a life to come, for that was what I
+was now to think about, my opinion, if it could be called such,
+laboured under confusion and inconsistency. Could anything have made
+me more miserable than another, it would have been the doubt of it;
+but from this I have ever been exempt, feeling assured, that were
+there none, our minds would no more have been created capable of
+entertaining an idea of it, than that our bodies would have been
+hampered with legs for which there was to be no need--and as these
+imply the function of walking, so our idea of futurity affords us the
+proof of it. Yet happy as I was in its belief, I always regretted that
+I had been born, notwithstanding that I was aware that an endless
+sleep and non-existence must be one and the same thing. My love of
+existence then, of some sort, must have been an acquired taste, like
+that of the opium-eater--I would that it had never commenced, but had
+not sufficient fortitude to relinquish it. But most probably this
+regret arose as I looked back through the bright and peaceful vista of
+my earliest days, and then fondly trusting that it could but lead to
+some lovely period, ere I existed here; but alas! I could recal no
+recollection of it, nor could any one else that I knew of, with the
+exception of Pythagoras, and, perhaps, my Lord Herbert of Cherbery.
+
+But I must cut short all this absurdity, to call it by the mildest
+term, especially as my pilgrimage is drawing "towards an end, like a
+tale that is told."
+
+I arose from my bed apparently with similar prejudices ere I was
+confined to it, but, with my constitution, they have happily received
+a fatal blow. Had I been with others, I should probably have lingered
+in Venice until my hour had come, but, as it was, what had I to stop
+for?
+
+
+    "Whether it was despair that urged me on,
+     God only knows--but to the very last,
+     I had the lightest foot in Ennerdale."
+
+
+Many a weary mile have I since accomplished in a state of health
+almost incredible, though I am now convinced that I have performed my
+last; but it was a beautiful one!
+
+On the eastern shores of the Bay of Naples rises the mountain of St.
+Angelo. For days had I gazed upon it with a wistful eye, and with all
+the eagerness of my childhood, when I never saw a distant hill but I
+was restless until I had reached it. Notwithstanding that my strength
+now daily diminished, my desire so increased upon me, that but a brief
+time had elapsed ere I had gratified it. This mountain protrudes
+abruptly into the Mediterranean, dividing the bay of Salerno from that
+of Naples.
+
+I have enjoyed the grandest scenery of Europe, but never, never such
+as this, or at such a moment. The death stillness of the day was
+appalling--the air was motionless, the heavens cloudless, and the deep
+blue sea, far, far beneath me, without a ripple; and not a sound
+reached my ear but that of my own watch. There I rested on the summit,
+basking in the sun, and enjoying a view, if such might be so called,
+worthy an angel's while to fly down and witness, and which, I dare
+say, one does now and then among these aerial solitudes.
+
+And now my feverish curiosity with regard to distant countries is
+satisfied to the full. It once was such as extended to other worlds,
+when I would welcome death in order to indulge it. The time is now
+approaching, then, when I must set out for "that bourne from which no
+traveller returns." My love of roaming has happily waned with the
+power of gratifying it, and I am now on my return, by easy stages, for
+the monastery of La Trappe, and I trust that a few days more will
+place me in its peaceful retirement, for I am weary.
+
+
+
+  T.C. Savill, Printer, 4, Chandos Street, Covent Garden.
+
+
+
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+
+    +-------------------------------------------+
+    | Typographical errors corrected in text:   |
+    |                                           |
+    |    Page 48: Etona's replaced with Eton's  |
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+    |                                           |
+    +-------------------------------------------+
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