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diff --git a/19353.txt b/19353.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ef389fd --- /dev/null +++ b/19353.txt @@ -0,0 +1,8078 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Captain Jinks, Hero, by Ernest Crosby + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Captain Jinks, Hero + +Author: Ernest Crosby + +Illustrator: Dan Beard + +Release Date: September 22, 2006 [EBook #19353] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CAPTAIN JINKS, HERO *** + + + + +Produced by Jacqueline Jeremy, Suzanne Shell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + [Illustration: CAPTAIN JINKS, HERO + "SAM WAS TAKEN STRADDLING A CHAIR" [_Page 124_]] + + + + Captain Jinks + Hero + + BY + + ERNEST CROSBY + + _Author of + "Plain Talk in Psalm and Parable"_ + + _Illustrations by_ + DAN BEARD + + [Illustration] + + NEW YORK AND LONDON + FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY + + 1902 + + + + COPYRIGHT, 1902, + By FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY + + _Registered at Stationers' Hall, London_ + + _Printed in the United States_ + + _Published February, 1902_ + + + + + _TO_ + F. C. + + + + CONTENTS AND CARTOONS + + CHAPTER PAGE + + I. A BOMBSHELL, 1 + II. EAST POINT, 14 + III. LOVE AND COMBAT, 34 + IV. WAR AND BUSINESS, 60 + V. SLOWBURGH, 89 + VI. OFF FOR THE CUBAPINES, 117 + VII. THE BATTLE OF SAN DIEGO, 151 + VIII. AMONG THE MORITOS, 185 + IX. ON DUTY AT HAVILLA, 216 + X. A GREAT MILITARY EXPLOIT, 240 + XI. A DINNER PARTY AT GIN-SIN, 250 + XII. THE GREAT WHITE TEMPLE, 277 + XIII. THE WAR-LORD, 310 + XIV. HOME AGAIN, 338 + XV. POLITICS, 365 + XVI. THE END, 374 + + + + FULL-PAGE ILLUSTRATIONS + + PAGE + + CAPTAIN JINKS, HERO, _Frontispiece_ + _"Sam was taken straddling a chair."_ + + WAR'S DEMAND, 6 + _"But what did he want of soldiers?"_ + + THE MANLY SPORT AT EAST POINT, 56 + _"Starkey stood off and gave him his 'coup de grace.'"_ + + A BLOOD BROTHERHOOD, 120 + _"A big company to grab everything.... The + Benevolent Assimilation Company, Limited."_ + + TWO OF A KIND, 206 + _"There are four marks."_ + + CONSENT OF THE GOVERNED, 238 + _"What business have these people to talk about + equal rights?"_ + + WINNERS OF THE CROSS, 266 + _"He got the Victorious Cross in South Africa."_ + + THE PERFECT SOLDIER, 324 + _"The Emperor gave an exclamation of surprise + and delight."_ + + HARMLESS, 392 + _"He sits like that for hours."_ + + + + + CHAPTER I + + A Bombshell + + [Illustration] + + + "Bless my soul! I nearly forgot," exclaimed Colonel Jinks, as he came + back into the store. "To-morrow is Sam's birthday and I promised Ma to + bring him home something for a present. Have you got anything for a boy + six years old?" + + "Let me see," answered the young woman behind the counter, turning + round and looking at an upper shelf. "Why, yes; there's just the thing. + It's a box of lead soldiers. I've never seen anything like them + before"--and she reached up and pulled down a large cardboard box. + "Just see," she added as she opened it. "The officers have swords that + come off, and the guns come off the men's shoulders; and look at + the----" + + "Never mind," interrupted the colonel. "I'm in a hurry. That'll do very + well. How much is it?" + + And two minutes later he went out of the store with the box in his hand + and got into his buggy, and was soon driving through the streets of + Homeville on his way to his farm. + + No one had ever asked Colonel Jinks where he had obtained his title. In + fact, he had never put the question to himself. It was an integral part + of his person, and as little open to challenge as his hand or his foot. + There are favored regions of the world's surface where colonels, like + poets, are born, not made, and good fortune had placed the colonel's + birthplace in one of them. For the benefit of those of my readers who + may be prejudiced against war, and in justice to the colonel, it should + be stated that the only military thing about him was his title. He was + a mild-mannered man with a long thin black beard and a slight stoop, + and his experience with fire-arms was confined to the occasional + shooting of depredatory crows, squirrels, and rats with an ancient + fowling-piece. Still there is magic in a name. And who knows but that + the subtle influence of the title of colonel may have unconsciously + guided the searching eyes of the young saleswoman among the Noah's arks + and farmyards to the box of lead soldiers? + + The lad for whom the present was intended was a happy farmer's boy, an + only child, for whom the farm was the whole world and who looked upon + the horses and cows as his fellows. His little red head was constantly + to be seen bobbing about in the barnyard among the sheep and calves, or + almost under the horses' feet. The chickens and sparrows and swallows + were his playmates, and they seemed to have no fear of him. The black + colt with its thick legs and ruffled mane ran behind its gray dam to + hide from every one else, but it let Sam pat it without flinching. The + first new-hatched chicken which had been given to him for his very own + turned out to be a rooster, and when he found that it had to be taken + from him and beheaded he was quite inconsolable and refused absolutely + to feast upon his former friend. But with this tenderness of + disposition Sam had inherited another still stronger trait, and this + was a deep respect for authority, and such elements of revolt as + revealed themselves in his grief over his rooster were soon stifled in + his little heart. He bowed submissively before the powers that be. From + the time when he first lisped he had called his parents "Colonel Jinks" + and "Mrs. Jinks." His mother had succeeded with great difficulty in + substituting the term "Ma" for herself, but she could not make him + address his father as anything but "Colonel," and after a time his + father grew to like it. No one knew how Sam had acquired the habit; it + was simply the expression of an inherently respectful nature. He + reverenced his father and loved his father's profession of farmer. His + earliest pleasure was to hold the reins and drive "like Colonel Jinks," + and his earliest ambition was to become a teamster, that part of the + farm work having peculiar attractions for him. + + In the afternoon on which we were introduced to the Colonel, Sam was + watching on the veranda for his father's return, and was quick to spy + the parcel under his arm, and many were the wild guesses he made as to + its contents. The Colonel left it carelessly upon the hall table, and + Sam could easily have peeped into it, but he would as soon have thought + of cutting off his hand. + + "What's in that box in the hall, Colonel Jinks?" he asked in an + embarrassed voice at supper, as he fingered the edge of the tablecloth + and looked blushingly at his plate. + + "Oh, that?" replied his father with a wink--"that's a bombshell." And a + bombshell indeed it proved to be for the Jinks family. + + The box was put upon a table in the room in which little Sam slept with + his parents, and he was told that he could have it in the morning. He + was a long time going to sleep that night, trying to imagine the + contents of the mysterious box. Not until he had quite made up his + mind that it was a farmyard did he finally drop off. At the first break + of day Sam was out of bed. With bare feet he walked on tiptoe across + the cold bare floor and seized the precious box. He lifted the lid at + one corner and put in his hand and felt what was there, and tried to + guess what it could be. Perhaps it was a Noah's Ark; but no, if those + were people there were too many of them. He would have to give it up. + He took off the cover and looked in. It was not a farmyard, at any + rate, and the corners of his mouth became tremulous from + disappointment. No, they were soldiers. But what did he want of + soldiers? He had heard of such things, but they had never been anything + in his life. He had never seen a real soldier nor heard of a + toy-soldier before, and he did not quite know what they were for. He + crept back to bed crestfallen, his present in his arms. Sitting up in + bed he began to investigate the contents of the box. It was a complete + infantry battalion, and beautiful soldiers they were. Their coats were + red, their trousers blue, and they wore white helmets and carried + muskets with bayonets fixed. Sam began to feel reconciled. He turned + the box upside-down and emptied the soldiers upon the counterpane. Then + he noticed that they were not all alike. There were some officers, who + carried swords instead of rifles. He began to look for them and single + them out, when his eye was caught by a magnificent white leaden plume + issuing from the helmet of one of them. He picked up this soldier, and + the sight of him filled him with delight. He was taller and broader + than the rest, his air was more martial--there was something inspiring + in the way in which he held his sword. His golden epaulets were a + miracle of splendor, but it was the plume, the great white plume, that + held the boy enthralled. A ray of light from the morning sun, reflected + by the window of the stable, found its way through a chink in the blind + and fell just upon this plume. The effect was electric. Sam was + fascinated, and he continued to hold the lead soldier so that the + dazzling light should fall on it, gazing upon it in an ecstasy. + + [Illustration: WAR'S DEMAND + "BUT WHAT DID HE WANT OF SOLDIERS?"] + + Sam spent that entire day in the company of his new soldiers,--nothing + could drag him away from them. He made his father show him how they + should march and form themselves and fight. He drew them up in hollow + squares facing outward and in hollow squares facing inward, in column + of fours and in line of battle, in double rank and single rank. + + "What are the bayonets for, Colonel Jinks?" + + "To stick into bad people, Sam." + + "And have the bad people bayonets, too?" + + "Yes, Sam." + + "Do they stick their bayonets into good people?" + + "Oh, I suppose so. Do stop bothering me. If I'd known you'd ask so many + questions, I'd never have got you the soldiers." + + His parents thought that a few days would exhaust the boy's devotion to + his new toys, but it was not so. He deserted the barnyard for the lead + soldiers. They were placed on a chair by his bed at night, and he could + not sleep unless his right hand grasped the white-plumed colonel. The + smell of the fresh paint as it peeled off on his little fingers clung + to his memory through life as the most delicious of odors. He would + tease his father to play with the soldiers with him. He would divide + the force in two, and one side would defend a fort of blocks and books + while the other assaulted. In these games Sam always insisted in having + the plumed colonel on his side. Once when Sam's colonel had succeeded + in capturing a particularly impregnable fortress on top of an + unabridged dictionary his father remarked casually: + + "He's quite a hero, isn't he, Sam?" + + "A what?" said Sam. + + "A hero." + + "What is a hero, Colonel Jinks?" And his father explained to him what a + hero was, giving several examples from history and fiction. The word + took the boy's fancy at once. From that day forward the officer was + colonel no longer, he was a "hero," or rather, "the hero." Sam now + began to save his pennies for other soldiers, and to beg for more and + more as successive birthdays and Christmases came round. He played at + soldiers himself, too, coaxing the less warlike children of the + neighborhood to join him. But his enthusiasm always left them behind, + and they tired much sooner than he did of the sport. He persuaded his + mother to make him a uniform something like that of the lead soldiers, + and the stores of Homeville were ransacked for drums, swords, and belts + and toy-guns. He would stand on guard for hours at the barnyard gate, + saluting in the most solemn manner whoever passed, even if it was only + a sparrow. The only interest in animals which survived his change of + heart was that which he now took in horses as chargers. He would ride + the farm-horses bare-back to the trough, holding the halter in one hand + and a tin sword in the other with the air of a field-marshal. When + strangers tapped him on the cheek and asked him--as is the wont of + strangers--"What are you going to be, my boy, when you grow up?" he + answered no longer, as he used to do, "A driver, sir," but now + invariably, "A hero." + + It so happened some two or three years after Sam's mind had begun to + follow the paths of warfare that his father and mother took him one day + to an anniversary celebration of the Methodist Church at Homeville, and + a special parade of the newly organized "John Wesley Boys' Brigade" of + the church was one of the features of the occasion. If Mrs. Jinks had + anticipated this, she would doubtless have left Sam at home, for she + knew that he was already quite sufficiently inclined toward things + military; but even she could not help enjoying the boy's unmeasured + delight at this, his first experience of militarism in the flesh. The + parade was indeed a pretty sight. There were perhaps fifty boys in + line, ranging from six to eighteen years of age. Their gray uniforms + were quite new and the gilt letters "J.W.B.B." on their caps shone + brightly. They marched along with their miniature muskets and fixed + bayonets, their chubby, kissable faces all a-smile, as they sang + "Onward, Christian Soldiers," with words adapted by their pastor: + + "Onward, Christian soldiers, + 'Gainst the heathen crew! + In the name of Jesus + Let us run them through." + + By a curious coincidence their captain had a white feather in his cap, + suggesting at a considerable distance the plume of the leaden "hero." + Sam was overcome with joy. He pulled the "hero" from his pocket (he + always carried it about with him) and compared the two warriors. The + "hero" was still unique, incomparable, but Sam realized that he was an + ideal which might be lived up to, not an impossible dream, not the + denizen of an inaccessible heaven. From that day he bent his little + energies to the task of removing his family to Homeville. + + It is not so much strength as perseverance which moves the world. + Colonel Jinks had laid up a competence and had always intended to + retire, when he could afford it, to the market town. Among other + things, the school facilities would be much better in town than in the + country. Mrs. Jinks in a moment of folly took the side of the boy, + and, whatever may have been the controlling and predominating cause, + the fact is that, when Sam had attained the age of twelve, the Colonel + sold the farm and bought one of the best houses in Homeville. Sam at + once became a member of the John Wesley Brigade and showed an aptitude + for soldiering truly amazing. Before he was fourteen he was captain, + and wore, himself, the coveted white feather, and his military duties + became the absorbing interest of his life. He thought and spoke of + nothing else, and he was universally known in the town as "Captain + Jinks," which was often abbreviated to "Cap." No one ever passed + boyhood and youth in such congenial surroundings and with such complete + satisfaction as "Cap" Jinks of the John Wesley Boys' Brigade. + + + + + CHAPTER II + + East Point + + [Illustration] + + + But our relation to our environments will change, however much pleased + we may be with them, and "Cap" Jinks found himself gradually growing + too old for his brigade. The younger boys and their parents began to + complain that he was unreasonably standing in the way of their + promotion, and a fiery mustache gave signs to the world that he was now + something more than a boy. Still he could not bring himself to + relinquish the uniform and the white plume. A life without military + trimmings was not to be thought of, and there was no militia at + Homeville. Consequently he remained in the Boys' Brigade as long as he + could. When at last he saw that he must resign--he was now + two-and-twenty--he felt that there was only one course open to him, and + that was to join the army; and he broached this plan to his parents. + His mother did not like the idea of giving up her only son to such a + profession, but Colonel Jinks took kindly to the suggestion. It would + bring a little real militarism into the family and give a kind of _ex + post facto_ justification to his ancient title. "Sam, my boy," said he, + "you're a chip of the old block. You'll keep up the family tradition + and be a colonel like me. I will write to your Uncle George about it + to-morrow. He'll get you an appointment to East Point without any + trouble. Sam, I'm proud of you." + + Uncle George Jinks, the only brother of the Colonel, was a member of + Congress from a distant district, who had a good deal of influence with + the Administration. The Colonel wrote to him asking for the cadetship + and rehearsing at length the young captain's unusual qualifications and + his military enthusiasm. A week later he received the answer. His + brother informed him that the request could not have come at a more + opportune moment, as he had a vacancy to fill and had been on the point + of calling a public examination of young men in his district for the + purpose of selecting a candidate; but in view of the evident fitness of + his nephew, he would alter his plans and offer him the place without + further ceremony. He wished only that Sam would do credit to the name + of Jinks. + + It was on a beautiful day in June that "Cap" Jinks bade farewell to + Homeville. The family came out in front of the house, keeping back + their tears as best they could at this the first parting; but Sam, tho + he loved them well, had no room in his heart for regret. There was a + vision of glory beckoning him on which obliterated all other feelings. + The Boys' Brigade was drawn up at the side of the road and presented + arms as he drove by, and he saw in this the promise of greater things. + As he sat on the back seat of the wagon by himself behind the driver, + he took from his pocket the old original "hero," the lead officer of + his boyhood, and gazed at it smiling. "Now I am to be a real hero," he + thought, "and all the world will repeat the name of Sam Jinks and read + about his exploits." He put the toy carefully back in his breast + pocket. It had become the talisman of his life and the symbol of his + ambitions. + + The long railway journey to East Point was full of interest to the + young traveler, who had never been away from home before. His mind was + full of military things, but he saw no uniforms, no arms, no + fortifications anywhere. How could people live in such a careless, + unnatural fashion? He blushed with shame as he thought to himself that + a foreigner might apparently journey through the country from one end + to the other without knowing that there was such a thing as a soldier + in the land. What a travesty this was on civilization! How baseless the + proud boasts of national greatness when only an insignificant and + almost invisible few paid any attention to the claims of military + glory! The outlook was indeed dismal, but Sam was no pessimist. + Obstacles were in his dictionary "things to be removed." "I shall have + a hand in changing all this," he muttered aloud. "When I come home a + conquering general with the grateful country at my feet, these wretched + toilers in the field and at the desk will have learned that there is a + nobler activity, and uniforms will spring up like flowers before the + sun." Where Sam acquired his command of the English language and his + poetic sensibility it would be difficult to say. It is enough to know + that these faculties endeavored, not without success, to keep pace with + his growing ambition for glory. + + Sam's first weeks at East Point were among the happiest in his life. + Here, at any rate, military affairs were in the ascendant. His ideal of + a country was simply an East Point infinitely enlarged. His neat gray + uniform seemed already to transform him into a hero. When he thought + of the great soldiers who had been educated at this very place, he felt + a proud spirit swelling in his bosom. One night in a lonely part of the + parade-ground he solemnly knelt down and kissed the sod. The military + cemetery aroused his enthusiasm, and the captured cannon, the names of + battles inscribed here and there on the rocks, and the portraits of + generals in the mess-hall, all in turn fascinated him. As a new arrival + he was treated with scant courtesy and drilled very hard, but he did + not care. Tho his squad-fellows were almost overcome with fatigue, he + was always sorry when the drill came to an end. He never had enough of + marching and counter-marching, of shouldering and ordering arms. Even + the "setting-up" exercises filled him with joy. When cavalry drills + began he was still more in his element. His old teamster days now stood + him in good stead. In a week he could do anything with a horse,--he + understood the horse, and the horse trusted him. When he first emerged + from the riding-school on horseback in a squadron and took part in a + drill on the great parade-ground, he was prouder than ever before. He + went through it in a delirium, feeling like a composite photograph of + Washington and Napoleon. When the big flag went up in the morning to + the top of the towering flag-staff, Sam's spirits went up with it, and + they floated there, vibrating, hovering, all day; but when the flag + came down at night, Sam did not come down. He was always up, living an + ecstatic dream-life in the seventh heaven. + + One night as Sam lay in his tent dreaming that he had just won the + battle of Waterloo, he heard a voice close to his ears. + + "Jinks!" + + "Yes, sir." + + "Here is an order for you to report at once up in the woods at old Fort + Hut. The password is 'Old Gory'; say that, and the sentinel will let + you out of camp. Go along and report to the colonel at once." + + "What is it?" cried Sam. "Is it an attack?" + + "Very likely," said the voice. "Now wake up your snoring friend there, + for he's got to go too. What's his name?" + + "Cleary," answered Sam, and he proceeded gently to awaken his tent-mate + and break the news to him that the enemy was advancing. It was not easy + to rouse the young man, but finally they both succeeded in dressing in + the dark, and hastened away between the tents across the most remote + sentry beat. They were duly challenged, whispered the countersign, and + in a few moments were climbing the rough and thickly wooded hill to the + fort. + + "I wonder who the enemy is," said Sam. + + "Enemy? Nonsense," replied Cleary. "They're going to haze us." + + "Haze us? Good heavens!" said Sam. He had heard of hazing before, but + he had been living in such a realm of imagination for the past weeks + that the gossip had never really reached his consciousness, and now + that he was confronted with the reality he hardly knew how to face it. + + "Yes," said Cleary, "they're going to haze us, and I wonder why I ever + came to this rotten place anyhow." + + "Don't, don't say that," cried Sam. "You were at Hale University for a + year or two, weren't you? Did they do any hazing there?" + + "Not a bit. They stopped it all long ago. The professors there say it + isn't manly." + + "That can't be true," said Sam, "or they wouldn't do it here. But why + has it kept up here when they've stopped it at all the universities?" + + "I don't know," said Cleary, "but perhaps it's wearing uniforms. I feel + sort of different in a uniform from out of it, don't you?" + + "Of course I do," exclaimed Sam. "I feel as if I were walking on air + and rising into another plane of being." + + "Well--ye-es--perhaps, but I didn't mean that exactly," answered + Cleary. "But somehow I feel more like hitting a fellow over the head + when I'm in uniform than when I'm not, don't you?" + + "I hadn't thought of that," said Sam, "but I really think I do. Do you + think they'll hit us over the head?" + + "There's no telling. There's Captain Clark of the first class and + Saunders of the third who are running the hazing just now, they say, + and they're pretty tough chaps." + + "Is that Captain Clark with the squeaky voice?" asked Sam. + + "Yes, he spoiled it taking tabasco sauce when he was hazed three years + ago. They say it took all the mucous membrane off his epiglottis." + + There was silence for a time. + + "Saunders is that fellow with the crooked nose, isn't he?" asked Sam. + + "Yes; when they hazed him last year they made him stand with his nose + in the crack of a door until they came back, and they forgot they had + left him, and somebody shut the door on his nose by mistake. But he's + an awfully plucky chap. He just went on standing there as if nothing + had happened." + + "Splendid, wasn't it?" cried Sam, beginning to see the heroic + possibilities of hazing. "Do you suppose that they have always + hazed here?" + + "Yes, of course." + + "And that General German and General Meriden and all the rest were + hazed here just like this?" + + "Yes, to be sure." + + Sam felt his spirits soaring again. + + "Then I wouldn't miss it for anything," said he. "It has always been + done and by the greatest men, and it must be the right thing to do. + Just think of it. Meriden has walked up this very hill like you and me + to be hazed!" There was exultation in his tone. + + "Well, I only hope Meriden looked forward to it with greater joy than I + do," said Cleary, with a dry laugh. "But here we are." + + Before them under the ruined walls of the old redoubt called Fort Hut, + stood a small group of cadets, indistinctly lighted by several moving + dark-lanterns. While they were still twenty yards away, two men sprang + out from behind a tree, grasped them by the arms, tied their elbows + behind them, and, leading them off through the woods for a short + distance, bound them to a tree out of sight of the rest, and left them + there with strict injunctions not to move. It never entered into the + head of either of the prisoners that they might disobey this order, and + they waited patiently for events to take their course. As far as they + could make out by listening, some others of their classmates were + already undergoing the ordeal of hazing. They could hear water + splashing, suppressed screams and groans, and continual whispering. The + light of the lanterns flickered through the trees, now and then + illuminating the topmost branches. Presently a man came and sat down + near them, and said: + + "Don't get impatient. We're nearly ready for you." It was the voice of + one of their two captors. + + "May I ask you a question, sir?" said Sam. + + "Blaze away," responded the man. + + "Was General Gramp hazed at this same place, do you know?" + + "Yes," said the man. "In this very same place. And while he was + waiting he sat on that very log over there." + + Sam peered with awe into the darkness. + + "May I--do you think I might--just sit on it, too?" asked Sam. + + "Certainly," said the cadet affably, untying the rope from the tree and + leading Sam over to the log, where he tied him again. + + Sam sat down reverently. + + "How well preserved the log is," said Sam. + + "Yes," said the guard; "of course they wouldn't let it decay. It's a + sort of historical monument. They overhaul it every year. Anyway it's + ironwood." + + Sam thought to himself that perhaps some day the log might be noted as + the spot where the great General Jinks sat while awaiting his hazing, + and tears of joy rolled softly down over his freckles. He was still + lost in this emotion when steps were heard approaching and the + lantern-light drew nearer. + + "Come, Smith, bring the prisoners in," said the same voice that had + waked Sam in his tent. He looked at the speaker and recognized the + tall, hatchet-faced, crook-nosed Saunders. Two or three cadets + unfastened Sam and Cleary, still, however, leaving their arms bound + behind them, and brought them to the open place under the wall where + Sam had first seen them. Sam now saw nothing; walking in the steps of + Generals Gramp and German, he felt the ecstasy of a Christian martyr. + He would not have exchanged his lot with any one in the world. Cleary, + however, who possessed a rather mundane spirit, took in the scene. + Twenty or thirty cadets were either standing or seated on the ground + round a circle which was illuminated by several dark-lanterns placed + upon the ground. In the center of the circle were a tub of water, some + boards and pieces of rope, and two large baskets whose contents were + concealed by a cloth. + + "Come, boys," squeaked Captain Clark, a short, thickset fellow who + looked much older than the others and who spoke in a peculiar cracked + voice. "Come, let's begin by bracing them up." + + "Bracing" was a process adopted for the purpose of making the patient + assume the position of a soldier, only very much exaggerated--a + position which after a few minutes becomes almost intolerable. Cleary + and Sam were promptly taken and tied back to back to an upright stake + which had escaped their observation. They were tied at the ankle, knee, + waist, under the arms, and at the chin and forehead. By tightening + these ropes as desired and placing pieces of wood in between, against + the back, the hazers made each victim stand with the chest pushed + preternaturally forward and the chin and abdomen drawn preternaturally + back. Cleary found this position irksome from the start, and soon + decidedly painful, but Sam was proof against it. In fact, he had been + practising just this position for eight or ten years, and it now came + to him naturally. Cleary soon showed marks of discomfort. It was a warm + night, and the sweat began to stand out on his forehead. As far as he + was concerned the hazing was already a success, but Sam evidently + needed something more. + + "Here, give me the tabasco bottle," whispered Clark to Smith. + + As the latter brought the article from one of the baskets, Sam said to + him in a low voice, + + "Did General Gramp take it out of that same bottle?" + + "Yes," said Smith; "strange to say, it's the very same one, and all + through his life afterward he took tabasco three times a day." + + Sam rolled his eyes painfully to catch a glimpse of the historic + bottle. Clark took it and applied it to Sam's lips. It was red-hot + stuff, and the whole audience rose to watch its effect upon the victim + at the stake. Sam swallowed it as if it had been lemonade. In fact, he + was only aware of the honor that he was receiving. He had only enough + earthly consciousness left to notice that one of the cadets in the + crowd was photographing him with a kodak, and accordingly he did not + even wink. + + "By Jove, he's lined with tin," ejaculated Saunders, whose deflected + nose gave him a sinister expression. "You ought to have had his + plumbing, Clark." + + "Shut up and mind your own business," said Clark. "Come, let's give him + the tub. This won't do. That other chap's happy enough where he is." + + Sam was untied again and led forward to the middle of the ring, the + faithful Smith still keeping close to him. + + "Is that an old tub?" whispered Sam, still standing stiffly as if his + body had permanently taken the "braced" shape. + + "I should say so. All the generals were ducked in it. Kneel down there + and look in. Do you see that round dent in the middle? That's where + General Meriden bumped his head in it. He never did things by halves." + + Sam did as he was told, and he felt that he was in a proper attitude + upon his knees at such a shrine. To him it was holy water. + + "Now, Jinks," squeaked Clark. + + "Yes, sir," answered Sam. + + "Stand on your head now in that tub, and be quick about it." + + Sam fixed his mind upon General Meriden in the same circumstances, drew + in his breath, and endeavored to stand on his head in a foot of water, + holding on to the rim of the tub with his hands. His legs waved + irresolutely in the air with no apparent unity of motive, and bubbles + gurgled about his neck and shoulders. + + "Grab his legs!" shouted Clark. + + Two cadets obeyed the order, and Clark took out his watch to time the + ordeal. The instants that passed seemed like an age. + + "Isn't time up?" whispered Saunders. + + "Shut up, you fool, haven't I got my watch open?" replied Clark. "But, + good heavens!" he added, "take him out--I believe my watch has + stopped." And he shook it and put it to his ear. + + Sam was hauled out and laid on the grass, but he was entirely + unconscious. His tormentors were thoroughly scared. Fortunately they + had all gone through a course of "first aid to the injured," and they + immediately took the proper precautions, holding him up by the feet + until the water ran out of his mouth and nose, and then rolling him on + the tub and manipulating his arms. At last some faint indications of + breathing set in, and they concluded to carry him down to his tent. + Using two boards as a stretcher, six of them acted as bearers, and the + procession moved toward the camp. Cleary would have been forgotten, had + he not asked them to untie him, which they did, and he followed behind, + walking most stiffly. As they neared the camp the party separated. Two + of the strongest took Sam, whose mind was wandering, to his tent, and + Clark made Cleary come and spend the night with him, lest anxiety at + Sam's condition might impel him to report the matter to the + authorities. How they all got to their tents in safety, and how the + password happened to be known to all of them, we must leave it to the + officers in command at East Point to explain. Sam was dropped upon his + bunk without much consideration. The two cadets waited long enough to + make sure that he was breathing, and then they decamped. + + "It's really a shame," said Smith to Saunders, who tented with + him, before he turned over to sleep; "it's really a shame to leave + that fellow there without a doctor, but we'd all get bounced if it + got out." + + + + + CHAPTER III + + Love and Combat + + [Illustration] + + + At reveille the next morning, as the roll was called in the company + street, Private Jinks did not answer to his name. They found him in his + tent delirious and in a high fever. His pillow was a puddle of water. + It was necessary to have him taken to the hospital, and before long he + was duly installed there in a small separate room. The captain of his + company instituted an inquiry into the causes of his illness and + reported that he had undoubtedly fainted away and thrown water over + himself to bring himself to. The surgeon in charge of the hospital + thereupon certified that this was the case, and in this way bygones + officially became bygones. It was late in the afternoon before Sam + recovered consciousness. A negro soldier, who had been detailed to + act as hospital orderly, was adjusting his bed-clothes, and Sam opened + his eyes. + + "Gettin' better, Massa Jinks?" said the man, smiling his good will. + + "Company Jinks, all present and accounted for," cried Sam, saluting as + if he were a first sergeant on parade. + + "You're here in de hospital, Massa," said the man, who was known as + Mose; "you ain't on parade sure." + + Sam looked round inquiringly. + + "Is this the hospital?" he asked. "Why am I in the hospital?" + + "You've been hurtin' yourself somehow," answered Mose with a low + chuckle. "There's lots of fourth-class men hurts themselves. But + you'll be all right in a week." + + "In a week!" exclaimed Sam. "But I can't skip drills and everything for + a week!" + + "Now, don't you worry, Massa Jinks. You're pretty lucky. We've had some + men here hurted themselves that had to go home for good, and some of + 'em, two or three, never got well, and died. But bless you, you'll soon + be all right. Doctor said so." + + Sam had to get what consolation he could from this. His memory began to + come back, and he recalled the beginning of the hazing. + + "Is Cadet Cleary in the hospital?" he asked. + + "No, sah." + + "Won't you try to get word to him to come and see me here, if he can?" + + "Yes, Massa, I'll try. But they won't always let 'em come. Maybe + they'll let him Sunday afternoon." + + Sure enough, Cleary succeeded in getting permission to pay Sam a call + on Sunday. + + "Well, old man, I've got to thank you for letting me out of a lot + of trouble," he cried as he clasped Sam's hand and sat down by the + bedside. + + "Did they duck you, too?" asked Sam. "You must be stronger than I am. + It's a shame I couldn't stand it." + + "No. When they'd nearly killed you they let me off. Don't you be + ashamed of anything. They kept you in there five minutes--I'm not + sure it wasn't ten. If you weren't half a fish, you'd never have + come to, that's all there is of that. And after you'd drunk all + that tabasco, too!" + + "Is my voice quite right?" asked Sam. + + "Yes, thank fortune, there's no danger of your squeaking like + Captain Clark." + + Sam sighed. + + "And is my nose quite straight?" + + "Yes, of course; why shouldn't it be?" + + Sam sighed again. + + "I'm afraid," he said, "that no one will know that I've been hazed." + + He was silent for a few minutes. Then a smile came over his face. + + "Wasn't it grand," he went on, "to think that we were following in + the steps of all the great generals of the century! When I put my + head into the tub and felt my legs waving in the air, I thought of + General Meriden striking his head so manfully against the bottom, + and I thanked heaven that I was suffering for my country. I tried + to bump my head hard too, and it does ache just a little; but I'm + afraid it won't show." + + He felt his head with his hand and looked inquiringly at Cleary, but + his friend's face gave him no encouragement, and he made no answer. + + "I think I saw somebody taking a snap-shot of me up there," said Sam. + "Do you think I can get a print of it? I wish you'd see if you can get + one for me." + + "It's not so easy," said Cleary. "He was a third-class man, and of + course we are not allowed to speak to him. They've just divided us + fourth-class men up among the rest to do chores for them. My boss is + Captain Clark, and he's the only upper-class man I can speak to, and + he would knock me down if I asked him about it. You'd better try + yourself when you come out." + + "Who am I assigned to?" asked Sam. + + "To Cadet Smith, and he's a much easier man. You're in luck. But my + time's up. Good-by," and Cleary hurried away. + + Sam Jinks left the hospital just one week after his admission. He might + have stayed a day or two longer, but he insisted that he was well + enough and prevailed upon the doctor to let him go. He set to work at + once with great energy to make up for lost time and to learn all that + had been taught in the week in the way of drilling. The morning after + his release, when guard-mounting was over, Cleary told him that Cadet + Smith wished to speak to him, and Sam went at once to report to him. + + "Jinks," said Smith, when Sam had approached and saluted, "I am going + down that path there to the right. Wait till I am out of sight and then + follow me down. I don't want any one to see us together." + + "All right, sir," said Sam. + + When Smith had duly disappeared, Sam followed him and found him + awaiting him in a secluded spot by the river. Sam saluted again as he + came up to him. + + "I suppose you understand, Jinks, that none of us upper-class men can + afford to be seen talking to you fourth-class beasts?" + + "Yes, sir." + + "Of course, it wouldn't do. Don't look at me that way, Jinks. When an + upper-class man is polite enough to speak to you, you should look down, + and not into his face." + + Sam dropped his eyes. + + "Now, Jinks, I wanted to tell you that you've been assigned to me to do + such work as I want done. I'm going to treat you well, because you seem + to be a pretty decent fellow for a beast." + + "Thank you, sir," said Sam. + + "Yes, you seem disposed to behave as you should, and I don't want to + have any trouble with you. All you'll have to do is to see that my + boots are blacked every night, keep my shirts and clothes in order, + take my things to the wash, clean out my tent, and be somewhere near + so that you can come when I call you; do you understand?" + + "Yes, sir." + + "Oh, then, of course, you must make my bed, and bring water for me, and + keep my equipments clean. If there's anything else, I'll tell you. If + you don't do everything I tell you, I'll report it to the class + committee and you'll have to fight, do you understand?" + + "Yes, sir." + + "That will do, Jinks; you may go." + + "I beg your pardon, sir. May I ask you a question?" + + "What?" shouted Smith. "Do you mean to speak to me without being + spoken to?" + + "I know it's very wrong, sir," said Sam, "but there's something I want + very much, and I don't know how else to get it." + + "Well, I'll forgive you this time, because I'm an easy-going fellow. If + it had been anybody else but me, you'd have got your first fight. What + is it? Out with it." + + "Please, sir, when I was haz--I mean exercised the other night, I + saw somebody taking photographs of it. Do you think I could get + copies of them?" + + "What do you want them for?" asked Smith suspiciously. + + "I'd like to have something to remember it by," said Sam. "I want to be + able to show that I did just what Generals Gramp and German did." + + Smith smiled. "All right," he replied. "I'll get them for you if I can, + and I'll expect you to work all the better for me. Now go." + + "Oh, thank you, sir--thank you!" cried Sam; and he went. + + That night he and Cleary talked over the situation in whispers as they + lay in their bunks. + + "I don't like this business at all," said Cleary. "I didn't come + to East Point to black boots and make beds. It's a fraud, that's + what it is." + + "Please don't say that," said Sam. "They've always done it, + haven't they?" + + "I suppose so." + + "Then it must be right. Do you think General Meriden would have done it + if it had been wrong? We must learn obedience, mustn't we? That's a + soldier's first duty. We must obey, and how could we learn to obey + better than by being regular servants?" + + "And how about obeying the rules of the post that forbid the whole + business, hazing and all?" asked Cleary. + + Sam was nonplussed for a moment. + + "I'm not a good hand at logic," he said. "Perhaps you can argue me + down, but I _feel_ that it's all right. I wouldn't miss this special + duty business for anything. It will make me a better soldier and + officer." + + "Sam," said Cleary, who had now got intimate enough with him to use his + Christian name,--"Sam, you were just built for this place, but I'll be + hanged if I was." + + The summer hastened on to its close, and the first-and third-class men + had a continual round of social joys. The hotel on the post was full of + pretty girls who doted on uniforms, and there were hops, and balls, + and flirtations galore. The "beasts" of the fourth class were shut out + from this paradise, but they could not help seeing it, and Sam used his + eyes with the rest of them. He had never before seen even at a distance + such elegance and luxury. The young women especially, in their gay + summer gowns, drew his attention away sometimes even from military + affairs. There was a weak spot in his make-up of which he had never + before been aware. There was one young woman in particular who caught + his eye, a vision of dark hair and black eyes which lived on in his + imagination when it had vanished from his external sight. Sam actually + fancied that the young woman looked at him with approving eyes, and he + was emboldened to look back. It was impossible for social intercourse + between a young lady in society and a fourth-class "beast" to go + further than this, and at this point their relations stood, but Sam was + sure that the maiden liked his looks. It so happened that her most + devoted admirer was none other than Cadet Saunders, who was continually + hovering about her. Sam was devoured with jealousy. In his low estate + he was even unable to find out her name for a long time. He could not + speak to upper-class men, and his classmates knew nothing of the gay + world above them. However, he discovered at last that she was a Miss + Hunter from the West. His informant was a waiter at the hotel whom he + waylaid on his way out one night, for cadets were forbidden to enter + the hotel. + + "I suppose she has her father and mother with her?" Sam suggested. + + "Oh, no, sir. She's all alone. She's been here all alone every summer + this six years." + + "That's strange," said Sam. "Hasn't she a protector?" + + "Oh, yes! she has protectors enough. You see, she's always engaged." + + "Engaged!" exclaimed the unhappy youth. "How long has she been engaged, + and to whom?" + + "Why, this time she's only been engaged two weeks," said the waiter, + "and it's Cadet Saunders she's engaged to; but don't worry, sir, it's + an old story. She's been engaged to a different man every summer for + six years, and at first she generally had two men a summer. She began + with officers of the first class, two in a year; then she fell off to + one in a season; then she dropped to third class; and now she has Mr. + Saunders because his nose isn't just right, sir, if I may say so." + + Sam hardly knew what to think. The news of her engagement had plunged + him into despair, but the information that engagement was with her a + temporary matter was decidedly welcome; and even if it were couched in + language that could hardly be called flattering, still he was glad to + hear it. Sam thanked the waiter and gave him a silver coin which he + could ill spare from his pay, but he was satisfied that he had got his + money's worth. + + Sam ruminated deep and long over this hard-wrung gossip. He could not + believe that the object of his dreams was no longer in her first + girlhood. There was some mistake. Then it was absurd to suppose that + she was reduced to the acceptance of inferior third-class men. How + could a waiter understand the charms of Saunders' historical nose? + Evidently she had selected him from the whole corps on account of his + exploits as an object of hazing. Sam almost wished that Saunders' nose + was a blemish, for it would help his chances, but candor obliged him to + admit that it was, on the contrary, one of his rival's strong points, + and he sighed once again to think that he bore no marks on his own + person of the hazing ordeal. All that Sam could do now was to wait. He + recognized the fact that no girl with self-respect would speak to a + "beast," and he determined to be patient until in another twelvemonth + he should have become a full-fledged third-class man himself. The other + engagements had proved ephemeral, why not that with Saunders? + Fortunately this new sentiment of Sam's did not interfere with his + military work. Instead of that it inspired him with new fervor, and he + now strove to be a perfect soldier not only for its own sake, but for + her sake too. + + Meanwhile Saunders began to imagine that Sam looked at his _fiancee_ a + little too frequently and long, and he determined to punish him for it. + How was this to be done? In his deportment toward the upper-class men + Sam was absolutely perfect, and had begun to win golden opinions from + instructors and cadets alike. He always did more than was required of + him, and did it better than was expected. He treated all upper-class + men with profound respect, and he did it without effort because it came + natural to him. He never ventured to look them in the eye, and he + blushed and stammered when they addressed him. Saunders tried to find a + flaw in his behavior so that he might have the matter taken up by the + class committee, but there was no flaw to be found. Self-respect + prevented him from giving the real reason, his jealousy; besides, it + was out of the question to drag in the name of a lady. + + One day Saunders, Captain Clark, Smith, and some other cadets were + discussing the matter of fourth-class discipline, and the merits of + some recent fights which had been ordered between fourth-class men + and their seniors for the purpose of punishing the former, when + Saunders tried skilfully to lead the conversation round to the case + of Sam Jinks. + + "There are some fellows in the fourth class that need a little taking + down, don't you think so?" he asked. + + "If there are, take them down," said Clark laconically. "Who do you + mean?" + + "Why, there's that Jinks fellow, for instance. He struts about as if he + were a major-general." + + "He is pretty well set up, that's a fact," said Smith, "but you can't + object to that. I must say he does his work for me up to the handle. + Look at that for a shine"; and he exhibited one of his boots to the + crowd. + + "I wonder if he can fight?" said Saunders, changing his tactics. "He's + a well-built chap, and I'd like to see what he can do. How can we get + him to fight if we can't haul him up for misbehaving?" + + "It's easy enough, if he's a gentleman," answered Clark, who was a + recognized authority in matters of etiquette. + + "How?" asked Saunders. + + "Why, all you've got to do is to insult him and then he'll have to + fight." + + "How would you insult him?" asked Saunders eagerly. + + "The best way," said Clark sententiously, "is to call him a hog in + public, and then, if he is a gentleman, he will be ready to fight." + + "I'll do it," said Saunders. "I'm dying to see that fellow fight. Of + course, I don't care to fight him. We can get Starkie to do that, I + suppose." + + "Yes," said Clark. "We'll select somebody that can handle him and teach + him his place, depend on that." + + Saunders set out at once to carry out the program. As soon as he found + Jinks in a group of fourth-class men, he went up to him, and cried in a + loud voice, + + "Jinks, you're a hog." + + "Yes, sir," said Sam, saluting respectfully. + + "Do you hear what I say? you're a wretched hog." + + "Yes, sir." + + "You're a hog, and if you're a gentleman you'll be ready to fight if + you're asked to." + + "Yes, sir," responded Sam, as Saunders turned on his heel and walked + away. Somehow Clark's plan did not seem to have worked to perfection, + but it must be all right, and he hastened to report the affair to his + class committee, who promptly determined that Cadet Jinks must fight, + and that their classmate Starkie be requested to represent them in the + encounter. Starkie weighed at least thirty pounds more than Sam, was + considerably taller, had several inches longer reach of arm, and was a + practised boxer. Sam had never boxed in his life. These facts seemed to + the committee only to enhance the interesting character of the affair. + + "We're much obliged to you, Saunders," said the chairman. "You've done + just right to call our attention to this matter. These beasts must be + taught their place. The only manly way to settle it is by having + Starkie fight him. You have acted like a gentleman and a soldier." + + The fight was arranged for a Saturday afternoon on the familiar + hazing-ground near the old fort. Sam selected Cleary and another + classmate for his seconds, and Starkie chose Saunders and Smith. + + "Jinks," said Smith in a moment of unwonted affability, "you've got a + chance now to distinguish yourself. I'll see that you get fair play. Of + course, you'll have to fight to a finish, but you must take your + medicine like a man." + + "Did General Gramp ever have to fight here?" asked Sam, touching + his cap. + + "Of course," said Smith, "and on that very ground, too. You don't seem + to have read much history." + + The prospect of the fight gave Sam intense joy. His sense of glory + seemed to obliterate all anticipation of pain. This was his first + opportunity to become a real hero. When he was hazed he only had to + suffer; now, on the other hand, he was called upon to act. He got + Cleary to show him some of the simplest rules of boxing, and he + practised what little he could during the three intervening days. He + was quite determined to knock Starkie out or die in the attempt. + + At four o'clock on the day indicated a crowd of first-and third-class + men were collected to see the great event. No fourth-class men were + allowed to attend except the two seconds. A ring was formed; Captain + Clark was chosen as referee; and the two combatants, stripped to the + waist, put on their hard gloves and entered the ring. Starkie eyed his + antagonist critically, while Sam with a heavenly smile on his face did + not focus his eyes at all, but seemed to be dreaming far away. When the + word was given, however, he dashed in and made some desperate lunges at + Starkie. It was easy to see in a moment that Sam could do nothing. He + could not even reach his opponent, his arms were so much shorter. If + Starkie held one of his arms out stiffly, Sam could not get near him + and was entirely at his mercy. The third-class man consequently set + himself leisurely to work at the task of punishing the unfortunate + Jinks. Two or three blows about the face and jaw which started the + blood in profusion ended the first round. Sam did not recognize the + inevitable result of the fight, and was anxious to begin again. He did + not seem to feel any pain from the blows. Two or three rounds had the + same result, and Sam became weaker and weaker. At last he could only go + into the ring and receive punishment without making an effort to avert + it, but he did not flinch. + + "Did you ever see such a chap?" said Smith to Saunders. "Let's call the + thing off." + + "Nonsense," said the latter. "Wait till he's knocked insensible"; and + the rest of the spectators expressed their agreement with him. + + Just then a sound of marching was heard, and a company of cadets were + seen coming up the hill in command of an army officer. + + "Hullo, Clark," whispered Smith. "Stop the fight. Here comes old + Blair, and he may report us." + + "Not much," said Clark. "He'll mind his own business." + + The company approached within a few yards of the ring. + + "Eyes right!" shouted Captain Blair, and every man in the company + turned his eyes away from the assembled crowd, and Blair himself stared + into the woods on the other side of the path. The company had almost + passed out of sight when Blair's voice was heard again. + + "Front!" and the danger of detection had blown over. + + After this faint interruption, Sam was brought up once more, pale and + bloody, and hardly able to stand. Yet he smiled through the blood. + Starkie stood off and gave him his _coup de grace_, a full blow in the + solar plexus, which doubled him up quite unconscious on the ground. + Clark declared the fight finished, and the crowd broke up hastily, + leaving Cleary and his associate to get Sam away as best they could. + They had a pail of water, sponges and towels, and they bathed his + face; and after half an hour's work were rewarded by having him open + his eyes. In another half-hour he was able to stand, and supporting him + on each side, they led him slowly down to the hospital. + + "What's the matter?" said the doctor as they entered the office. "Oh! I + see. You found him lying bleeding up by Fort Hut, didn't you?" + + "Yes, sir," said Cleary. + + "He must have fallen down and hit his head against a stone, don't you + think so?" + + "Yes, sir." + + "That's a dangerous place; the pine-needles make it very slippery," + said the doctor, as he entered the case in his records. "Here, Mose, + put Cadet Jinks to bed." + + This time Sam was laid up for two weeks, but he felt amply repaid for + this loss of time by a visit from no less a person than Cadet Smith. + + "Mind you never tell any one I came here," said Smith, "and treat me + just the same when you come out as you did before; but I wanted to + tell you you're a brick. I never saw a man stand up to a dressing the + way you did, and that's the truth." + + [Illustration: THE MANLY SPORT AT EAST POINT + "STARKEY STOOD OFF AND GAVE HIM HIS COUP DE GRACE"] + + Tears of joy rolled down Sam's damaged face. + + "I've brought you those photographs of the hazing, too," said Smith + with a laugh. And he produced two small prints from his pocket. Sam + took them with trembling hands and gazed at them with rapture. One of + them represented Cleary and Jinks tied to the stake, apparently about + to be burned to death, and Sam was delighted to see the ultra-perfect + position which he had assumed. The other photograph had been taken the + moment after Sam's immersion in the tub. He could see his hands + clutching the rim, while his legs were widely separated in the air. + + "It might be General Meriden as well as me," he cried joyously. "Nobody + could tell the difference." + + "That's so," said Smith. + + "I shall always carry them next my heart," said Sam. "How can I thank + you enough? I am sorry that I can't black your boots this week." + + "Oh! never mind," said Smith magnanimously, looking down at his feet. + "Cleary does them pretty well. You'll be out before long." + + When Sam was discharged from the hospital the cadet corps had struck + camp and gone into barracks for the year. The summer maidens, too, had + fled, and East Point soon settled down to the monotony of winter work. + Every cadet looked forward already to the next summer: the first class + to graduation; the second to the glories of first-class supremacy in + camp and ballroom; the third class to their two months' furlough as + second-class men; but the fourth class had happier anticipations than + any of the rest, for they were to be transformed in June from "beasts" + into men, into real third-class cadets, with all the rights and + privileges of human beings. Sam's dream was also irradiated with the + hope of winning the affections of the fair Miss Hunter, to whom he had + never addressed a word, but of whose interest he felt assured. He did + not know where the assurance came from, but he had little fear of + Saunders now. Next summer Saunders would be away on leave, anyhow. Sam + knew, if no one else did, that he had actually fought for the hand of + Miss Hunter; and, tho he had been defeated, had not Smith admitted that + his defeat was a practical victory? He felt that he had won Miss + Hunter's hand in mortal combat, and he dismissed from his mind all + doubt on the subject. + + + + + CHAPTER IV + + War and Business + + [Illustration] + + + Marian Hunter was, as we have already surmised, a lady of experience. + She was possessed, as is not uncommonly the case with young ladies at + East Point, of an uncontrollable passion for things military. Manhood + and brass buttons were with her interconvertible terms, and the idea of + uniting her young life to a plain civilian seemed to her nothing less + than shocking. The pleasures of her first two or three summers at East + Point and of her first half-dozen engagements had partaken of the bliss + of heaven. The engagements had never been broken off, they had simply + dissolved one into the other, and she had felt herself rising from step + to step in happiness. Naturally her conquests filled her with a supreme + confidence in her charms. She was not especially fickle by nature, but + she discovered that a first-class cadet, particularly if he was an + officer and had black feathers in his full-dress hat, was far more + attractive to think of than a supernumerary second lieutenant assigned + to duty in some Western garrison. Gradually, however, she found herself + less certain of winning whom she would. The competition of young girls + some two or three years her junior became threatening. She was obliged + to give up cadet officers for privates, and then first-class privates + for third-class privates, as the hotel waiter had explained to Sam. At + the time of Sam's arrival at the Point she was having more difficulty + than ever before, and she became thoroughly frightened. She took up + with Saunders because he alone came her way, but the engagement was a + poor makeshift, and she could not get up any enthusiasm over it. She + could hardly pretend to be in love with him, and she felt conscious + that she had a foolish prejudice in favor of straight noses. What was + she to do? If she was to marry at all in the army--and how could she + marry anywhere else?--she must soon make up her mind. Her experience + now stood her in good stead. Had she not seen these very first-class + cadet officers only three years before as mere despised "beasts," doing + all kinds of drudgery for their oppressors? Had she not seen her + _fiance_, Saunders, himself, a short twelvemonth ago, with nose intact, + slinking like a pariah about the post? She had learned the lesson which + the younger girls had yet to learn, that from these unpromising + chrysalises the most gorgeous butterflies emerge, and like a wise woman + she began to study the fourth class. Sam stood out from his fellows, + not indeed as supremely handsome, altho he was not bad-looking, but + rather as the soldier _par excellence_ of his class. Marian was an + expert in judging the points of a soldier, and she saw at once that he + was the coming man. She could not make his acquaintance or speak to + him, but she could smile and thus lay the foundations of success for + next year. It would be easy thus to reach the heart of a lonely + "beast." And she smiled to a purpose, and it was that smile that won + the untried affections of Sam Jinks. + + When June at last came and the new fourth-class men began to arrive, + Sam felt a new life surge into his soul. For a year he had been duly + meek and humble, for such it behooved a fourth-class man to be. Now, + however, he began to entertain a measureless pride, such being the + proper frame of mind of a man in the upper classes. He watched the + hotel sedulously to learn when Miss Hunter had made her appearance. One + morning he saw her, and she smiled more distinctly than ever. He knew + that his felicity was only a short way off. He must wait two weeks + until the graduation ball and the departure of the old first class; + then he could undertake to supplant the absent Saunders, who probably + knew the history of Miss Hunter and was not unprepared for his fate. + + Meanwhile great events had occurred, and thrown East Point into a state + of excitement. The country was at war. Congress had determined to free + the downtrodden inhabitants of the Cubapine Islands from the tyranny of + the ancient Castalian monarchy. A call for volunteers had been issued, + and the graduating cadets were to be hurried to the seat of war. During + this agitation news arrived of a great naval victory. The mighty + Castalian fleet had been annihilated with great loss of life, while the + conquerors had not lost a man and had scarcely interrupted their + breakfast in order to secure this crushing triumph. It was in the midst + of such reports as these that the susceptible hearts of Sam Jinks and + Marian Hunter came together. The graduating class had gone, and Sam had + for two days been a full third-class man. For the first time he had + occupied the front rank at dress-parade, and seen clearly the officer + in command, the adjutant flitting about magnificently, the band + parading up and down and turning itself inside out around the towering + drum-major, the line of spectators behind, the bright faces and gay + parasols, and among them the black eyes of Marian looking unmistakably + at him. When at the end of the parade the company officers marched up + to salute and the companies were dismissed, Sam saw a member of the new + first class talking to her. He was now on an equality with all the + cadets, and he boldly advanced and asked for an introduction. At last + he had her hand in his, and as he pressed it rather harder than the + occasion warranted, he felt his pressure returned. Sam's fate was + sealed. He made no formal proposal, it was unnecessary. The engagement + was a thing taken for granted. It was a novel experience for Marian as + well as for Sam, as now for the first time she meant business. It is + impossible in cold ink to reproduce the ecstasies of those many hours + on Flirtation Walk, during which Sam opened his heart. For the first + time in his life he had found a person as deeply interested in military + matters as he was, and as much in love with military glory. He told her + his whole history, including the lead soldiers and the Boys' Brigade. + He laid bare to her his ambition to be a perfect soldier--a hero. He + told her how disappointed he was to find no other cadet so completely + wrapped up in his profession as he was, and how in her alone he had now + realized his ideal not only of womanhood, but also of appreciation of + the soldier's career. He rehearsed the thrilling experiences of hazing, + and went over the fight in detail and told her how Saunders had brought + it about. + + "The horrid wretch!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms about his neck + and kissing him. "I'm so glad they didn't break your nose." + + "Are you really?" he asked, and as he read the truth in her eyes a + weight was rolled from his soul. + + He showed her the little lead officer with the plume, which he always + carried as a mascot in his breast-pocket, and also the two hazing + photographs which kept it company. She was delighted with them all. + + "Oh! you will be a hero," she cried. "I am sure of it, and what a time + we shall have of it, you dear thing!" + + With his spare time thus occupied Sam did not see much of Cleary, + who now shared another tent. One afternoon late in September he was + on the way to the gate of the hotel grounds where he was accustomed + to wait until Miss Hunter came out and joined him, when Cleary called + him aside. + + "Sam," he said, "I've got something of importance to say to you. Can't + you come with me now?" + + "Can't," said Sam. "Miss Hunter's waiting for me." + + "Well, then, beg off to-morrow afternoon. I must have a long talk + with you." + + "All right," answered Sam reluctantly. "If I must, I must, I suppose." + + The next day found Sam and Cleary walking alone in the woods engaged in + deep conversation. + + "Sam, what would you say to going to the war?" asked Cleary. + + "I'd give anything to go!" exclaimed Sam. + + "You wouldn't want to stay on account of that girl of yours?" + + "No, indeed; she would be the first to want me to go." + + "Then why don't you go?" + + "How can I?" said Sam. "We've got three more years here. That ties us + down for that time, and by the time that's over the war will be over + too." + + "That's what I think, and I'm sick of this place anyhow. I'm going to + resign." + + "Resign!" cried Sam. "Resign and give up your career!" + + "Not altogether, old man. Don't get so excited. What's the use of + staying here? We'll get sent off to some out-of-the-way post when we + graduate, and perhaps we'll get to be captains before our hair is + white, and perhaps we shan't; and then if a war breaks out we'll have + volunteers young enough to be our sons made brigadiers over our heads. + Aren't they doing it every day? I'm not going to waste my life that + way. I want to go to the war now, and I mean to go as a newspaper + correspondent." + + "Oh, Cleary!" exclaimed Sam reproachfully. + + "Tut, tut, Sam. You're not up to date. We've got no field-marshals in + our army and the newspaper correspondents take their place. Their names + are better known than the generals, and they advertise each other and + get a big share of the glory; and then they can always decently step + aside when they've got enough. They needn't stay on the fighting-line, + and that's a consideration. No, I'm sick of ordinary soldiering, but + I'm willing to be a field-marshal. My father has an interest in the + _Metropolitan Daily Lyre_, and I've written to him for an appointment + as correspondent in the Cubapines. What I've learned here will help me + a lot. But I want you to go with me." + + "Me? Go with you? Do you think I'd be a newspaper correspondent?" + + "No, of course not. It never entered my head. But why don't you get a + commission in the volunteers from your uncle? He can get just what he + wants, and they're talking of him for Secretary of War. All you've got + to do is to resign here and apply for a commission as colonel. Then + you'll probably land as a major, or a captain at any rate. By the time + the war is over, you'll be a general, if I know you, and then you can + be appointed captain in the regular army on retiring from the + volunteers, when our class is just graduating. You're just made for a + successful soldier. You've got the ambition and the courage, and you've + got just the brains for a soldier. You don't want to remain a + lieutenant until you are fifty, do you?" + + There was great force in Cleary's argument, and Sam knew it. East + Pointers were scandalized at the manner in which outsiders were + jumped into important commands in the field, and when engagements + took place the volunteers came in for all the praise, while the + regulars who did almost all the work were hardly mentioned. + + "I'll think it over," said Sam. "I'll speak to Marian about it. It's very + kind of you to think of me." + + "Not a bit," said Cleary. "I'm looking out for myself. If you go as a + major and I go as correspondent, I'll just freeze to you and make a + hero of you whether you will or not. I'll make your fortune, and you'll + make mine. I'll see that you get a chance, and I know that you'll take + it if you get it. You're just cut out for it. Now get permission from + the young woman and we'll call it a go." + + The following afternoon Sam walked over the same ground, but this time + it was Marian who accompanied him. She was enthusiastic over Cleary's + proposition. + + "Just think of it! You'll come back a hero and a general, and I don't + know what not, and we'll get married, and the President will come to + the wedding; and then we'll have our wedding tour up here, and the + corps will turn out and fire a salute, and we'll be the biggest people + at East Point. Won't it be splendid?" + + "Perhaps, dear, I'll never come back at all. Who knows? I may get + killed." + + "Oh, Sam! if you did, how proud I'd be of it. I'd wear black for a + whole year, and they'd put up a monument to you over there in the + cemetery and have a grand funeral, and I'd be in the first carriage, + and the flag would be draped, and the band would play the funeral + march. Oh, dear! how grand it would be, and how all the girls would + envy me!" + + Tears came to her eyes as she spoke. + + "Just think of being the _fiancee_ of a hero who died for his country! + Oh, Sam, Sam!" + + Sam took her in his arms. + + "You're my own brave soldier's wife," he said. "I'd be almost ready to + die for you, but if I don't, I'll come back and marry you. I'll write + to uncle for a commission to-night, and ask his advice about resigning + here either now or later. It hardly seems true that I may really go to + a real war." And his tears fell and mingled with hers. + + Sam's uncle fell in readily with Cleary's scheme. He was a politician + and a man of the world, and he saw what an advantage it would be for + his nephew to seek promotion in the volunteers, and how much a close + friend among the war correspondents could help him. Furthermore, he had + heard of Sam's excellent record at East Point and was disposed to lend + him what aid could be derived from his influence with the + Administration. When Sam's father learned that his brother approved of + the project, he offered no objection, and a few weeks after Cleary had + broached the subject, both of the young men sent in their resignations, + and these were accepted. Cleary left at once for the metropolis to + perfect his plans, while Sam remained for a few days at the Point to + bid farewell to his betrothed. His uncle had at once sent in his name + to the War Department as a candidate for colonel of volunteers with + letters of recommendation from the most influential men at the Capital. + While Sam was still at East Point he saw in the daily paper that his + name had been sent in to the Senate as captain of volunteers with a + long list of others, and almost immediately he received a telegram + from his uncle announcing his confirmation without question. On the + same morning came a letter from Cleary telling him to come at once to + town and make the final arrangements before receiving orders to join + his regiment. We shall draw a veil over the last interview between Sam + and Marian. She was proficient in the art of saying farewell, and + nothing was lacking on this occasion to contribute to its romantic + effect. They parted in tears, but they were tears of hope and joy. + + Cleary met Sam at the station in the city and took him to a modest + hotel. + + "It's going to be bigger thing than I thought," he said, as they sat + down together for a good talk in the hotel lobby, after Sam had made + himself at home in his room. "I'm going to run a whole combination. + I've got in with a man who's a real genius. His name's Jonas. He + represents the brewers' trust, and he's going out to start saloons with + chattel mortgages on the fixtures. It's a big thing by itself. But then + besides that he's got orders to apply for street-railroad franchises + wherever he can get them, and he is going to start agencies to sell + typewriters and bicycles and some patent medicines, and I don't know + what else. You see he wanted to represent the Consolidated Press as a + sort of business agent, and _The Daily Lyre_ belongs to the + Consolidated, and that's the way I came across him. The fact is he + represents pretty much all the capital in the country. It's a big + combination. I'll boom him and you, and you'll help us, and then we can + get in on the ground floor with him in anything we like. It's a good + outlook, isn't it, hey? Have you got your commission yet?" + + "No," said Sam, "not yet. My uncle wants me to come and spend a few + days with him at Slowburgh to make my acquaintance, and the commission + will go there. I'm to be in the 200th Volunteer Infantry. I don't quite + understand all your plans, but I hope I'll get a chance at real + fighting for our country, and I should like to be a great soldier. You + know that, Cleary." + + "Yes, old man, I know it, and you will be, if courage and newspapers + can do it. I'm sorry you didn't get a colonelcy, but captain isn't + bad, and we'll skip you up to general in no time. You've always wanted + to be a hero, haven't you? Well, the first chance I get I'll nickname + you 'Hero' Jinks, and it'll stick, I'll answer for it!" + + "Oh! thank you," said Sam. + + "Now, good-by. I'll come in for you to-morrow and take you in to see + our war editor. He's a daisy. So long." + + When on the morrow Sam was ushered into the den of the war editor, he + was surprised to see what a shabby room it was. The great man was + sitting at a desk which was almost hidden under piles of papers, + letters, telegrams, and memoranda. The chairs in the room were equally + encumbered, and he had to empty the contents of two of them on the + floor before Sam and Cleary could sit down. + + "Ah, Captain Jinks, glad to see you!" he said. + + Sam beamed with delight. It was the first time that he had heard his + new title--a title, in fact, to which he had as yet no right. + + "I suppose Mr. Cleary has explained to you," the editor continued, "what + our designs are. Editing isn't what it used to be. It has become a very + complicated business. In old times we took the news as it came along, + and that was all that was expected of us; but if we tried that way of + doing things now, we'd have to shut up shop in a week. When we need + news nowadays we simply make it. I don't mean that we invent news--that + doesn't pay in the long run; people learn your game and you lose in the + end. No, I mean that we create the events that make the news. We were + running short of news last year, that's the whole truth of it; and so + we got up this war. It's been a complete success. We've quadrupled our + circulation, and it's doubling every month. We're well ahead of the + other papers because it's known as our war, and of course we are + expected to know more about it than anybody else." + + "But I thought the war was to free the oppressed Cubapinos--an outburst + of popular sympathy with the downtrodden sufferers from Castalian + misrule," interposed Sam, flushing. "That's the reason why I applied + for a commission, and I am ready to pour out my last drop of blood for + my country." + + "Of course you are, my dear captain; of course you are. And your ideas + of the cause of the war, as a military man, are quite correct. Indeed, + if you will read my editorial of yesterday you will see the same ideas + developed at some length." + + He pressed an electric button on his desk, and a clerk entered. + + "Get me a copy of yesterday's paper." + + In a moment it was brought; the editor opened it, marked an article + with a dash of his blue pencil, and handed it to Sam. + + "There," said he, "put that in your pocket and read it. I am sure that + you will agree with every word of it. Your understanding of the + situation does great credit to your insight. That is, if I may use the + term, the esoteric side of the question. It is only on the external and + material side that it is really a _Daily Lyre's_ war. There's really + no contradiction, none at all, as you see." + + "Oh! none at all," said Sam, with a sigh of relief. "I never quite + understood it before, and you make it all so clear!" + + "Now you will be prepared by what I have said to comprehend that it's + just in this line of creating the news beforehand that we want to make + use of you, and at the same time it will be the making of you, do you + see?" + + "Not quite," said Sam. "How do you mean?" + + "Why, we understand that you're a most promising military man and that + you intend to distinguish yourself. Suppose you do, what good will it + do, if nobody ever hears of it? Doesn't your idea of heroism include a + certain degree of appreciation?" + + "Yes." + + "Of publicity, I may say?" + + Sam nodded assent. + + "Or even in plain newspaper talk, of advertising?" + + "I shouldn't quite like to be advertised," said Sam uneasily. + + "That's a rather blunt word, I confess; but when you do some fine + exploit, you wouldn't mind seeing it printed in full in the papers that + the people at home read, would you?" + + "No-o-o, not exactly; but then I should only want you to tell the truth + about it." + + "Of course; I know that, but there are lots of ways of telling the + truth. We might put it in at the bottom of an inside page and give only + a stick to it, or we might let it have the whole first page here, with + your portrait at the top and headlines like that"; and he showed him a + title in letters six inches long. "You'd prefer that, wouldn't you?" + + "I'm afraid I would," said Sam. + + "Well, if you didn't you'd be a blamed fool, that's all I've got to + say, and we wouldn't care to bother about you." + + "I'm sure it's very good of you to take me up," said Sam. "Why do you + select me instead of one of the great generals at the front?" + + "Why, don't you see? You wouldn't make a practical newspaper man. The + people are half tired of the names of the generals already. They want + some new names. It's our business to provide them. Then all the other + newspapers are on the track of the generals. We must have a little hero + of our own. When General Laughter or General Notice do anything, all + the press of the country have got hold of them. They've got their + photographs in every possible attitude and their biographies down to + the last detail, and pictures of their birthplaces and of their + families and ancestors, and all the rest of it. We simply can't get + ahead of them, and people are beginning to think that it's not our war + after all. When we begin to boom you, they'll find out that we've got a + mortgage on it yet. We'll have the stuff all ready here to fire off, + and no one else will have a word. It'll be the greatest beat yet, + unless Mr. Cleary is mistaken in you and you are not going to + distinguish yourself." + + "I don't think he is mistaken," said Sam solemnly. "I do intend to + distinguish myself if I get the chance." + + "And we'll see that you have the chance. It's a big game we're playing, + but we hold the cards and we don't often lose. You're not the only + card, to be sure. We've got a lot of men at the front now representing + us. Several of our correspondents have made a hit already, and some of + them have made themselves more famous than the generals! Ha, ha! Our + head editor is going out next month, and of course we'll see to it that + he does wonders. Hullo! there's Jonas now. Why, this is a lucky + meeting. Here, Jonas. You know Cleary. Mr. Jonas, Captain Jinks. I'll + be blessed if here isn't the whole combination." + + Mr. Jonas, who had come into the room unannounced, and perched himself + on the corner of a table, was a rather short man with a brown beard and + eye-glasses, and wore his hat on the back of his head. + + "Well, Jonas, how are things going?" asked the editor. + + "A 1. Couldn't be better. I've just been down at Skinner's----" + + "Skinner & Company, one of the biggest financial houses in the street," + the editor explained to Sam. + + "And they've agreed to go the whole job. First of all, it'll be chiefly + trade. I showed them the contracts for boots and hats for the army, and + they were tickled to death. They'll let us have as much as we want on + them. I didn't have the embalmed-beef contract with me--it smells too + bad to carry round in my pocket, hee-hee!--but I explained it to them, + and it's even better. They're quite satisfied." + + "And how is the beer business going?" + + "Oh! that's a success already. Look at this item," and he pulled a + newspaper from his pocket and showed it to the editor. + + "One hundred more saloons in Havilla than there were at this time last + year! Can that be possible?" ejaculated the latter. + + "Yes, and I'm behind fifty-eight of them. That agent I sent out ahead + is a jewel." + + "Have you been up at the Bible Society?" + + "Yes, and I've got special terms on a hundred thousand Testaments in + Castalian and the native languages. That will awaken interest, you see, + and then we'll follow it up with five hundred thousand in English, and + it will do no end of good in pushing the language. It will be made the + official language soon, anyway. What a blessing it will be to those + poor creatures who speak languages that nobody can understand!" + + "How is the rifle deal coming out?" + + "Only so-so. The Government will take about three-quarters of the lot. + The rest we'll have to unload on the Cubapinos." + + "What!" exclaimed Sam, "aren't they fighting against us now?" + + "Oh! we don't sell them direct of course," added Jonas, "but we can't + alter the laws of trade, can we? And they require that things get into + the hands of the people who'll pay the most for them, hey?" + + "Naturally," said the editor. "Captain Jinks has not studied political + economy. It's all a matter of supply and demand." + + "I'm ashamed to say I haven't," said Sam. "It must be very interesting, + and I'm much obliged to you for telling me about it." + + "I suppose it's too early to do anything definite about concessions for + trolleys and gas and electric-lighting plants," said the editor. + + "Not a bit of it. That's what I went to see Skinner about to-day. I'm + sounding some of the chief natives already, and our people there are + all right. Skinner's lawyers are at work at the charters, and I'll + take them out with me. We can put them through as soon as we annex + the islands." + + "But we promised not to annex them!" cried Sam. + + The editor and Jonas looked knowingly at each other. + + "The captain is not a diplomatist, you see," said the former. "As for + that matter, a soldier oughtn't to be. You understand, Captain, that + all promises are made subject to the proviso that we are able to carry + them out." + + "Certainly." + + "Now it's perfectly clear that we can never fulfil this promise. It is + our destiny to stay there. It would be flying in the face of Providence + and doing the greatest injury to the natives to abandon them. They + would fly at each other's throats the moment we left them alone." + + "They haven't flown at each other's throats where we have left them + alone," mused Sam aloud. + + "I didn't say they had, but that they would," explained the editor. + + "Oh! I see," said Sam, and he relapsed into silence. + + "Talking of electric lights," continued Jonas, "I've got a book here + full of all sorts of electric things that we'll have to introduce + there. There's the electrocution chair; look at that design. They + garrote people in the most barbarous manner out there now. We'll + civilize them, if we get a chance!" + + "Perhaps they won't have the money to buy all your things," remarked + Cleary, who had been a silent and interested spectator of the + interview. + + "Yes," said Jonas, "we may have trouble with the poorest tribes. We + must make them want things, that's all. The best way to begin is to tax + them. I've got a plan ready for a hut-tax of five dollars a year. + That's little enough, I should think, but some of them never see money + and they'll have to work to get it. That will make them work the + coal-and iron-mines. Skinner has his eye on these, too. When the + natives once begin to earn money, they'll soon want more and then + they'll spend it on us." + + "But the Government there will be too poor to take up great public + expenditures for a long time yet," said Cleary. + + "Don't be too sure of that. They haven't even got a national debt. + That's one of the first things we'll provide for. They're a most + primitive people. Just think of their existing up to the present time + without a national debt! They're mere savages." + + "Well," said Cleary, rising, "I think we've taken enough of your + valuable time and we must be off." + + "Wait a moment," said the editor. "Have you explained all that I told + you to the captain?" + + "Not yet," answered Cleary, "but I'll do it now on the way to his + hotel. He is going to leave town to-day, and he may be ordered to sail + any day now. I will try to go on the same ship with him." + + "Perhaps I can manage it, too," said Jonas, as he shook hands with the + two friends, "if I can finish up all these arrangements. I must be on + the ground there as soon as I can." + + As Sam and Cleary left the room the editor and Jonas settled down to a + confidential conversation, and there were smiles upon their lips as + they began talking. + + + + + CHAPTER V + + Slowburgh + + [Illustration] + + + While Sam accepted the explanations of the editor and Jonas as + expressions of wisdom from men who had had a far wider experience than + his, he had some faint misgivings as to some of the business + enterprises in which his new friends were embarked, and he hinted as + much to Cleary. + + "Some of those things do sound rather strange," answered Cleary, as + they walked away, "but you must look at the world in a broad way. Is + our civilization better than that of the Cubapinos?" + + "Undoubtedly." + + "Well, then, we must be conferring a favor upon them by giving it to + them. We can't slice it up and give them only the plums. That would be + ridiculous. They must take us for better and worse. In fact, I think we + should be guilty of hypocrisy if we pretended to be better than we are. + Suppose we gave them a better civilization than we've got, shouldn't we + be open to the charge of misrepresentation?" + + "That's true," said Sam. "I didn't think of that. + + "Yes," Cleary went on; "at first I had some doubts about that saloon + business particularly, but the more you think of it, the more you see + that it's our duty to introduce them there. It's all a part of our + civilization." + + "So it is," said Sam. "And then people have always done things that + way, haven't they?" + + "Yes, of course they have." + + "Then it must be all right. What right have we to criticize the doings + of people so much wiser than we are? I think you are quite right. As a + correspondent you ought to be satisfied that you are doing the right + thing. To me as a soldier it's a matter of no importance anyway, + because a soldier only does what he's told, but you as a civilian + have to think, I suppose, and I'm glad you're satisfied and can make + such a conclusive case of it. What was it that the editor wanted you + to tell me?" + + "Oh! yes. I came near forgetting. You see what a lot they're going to + do for us; now we must help them all we can. They want you to leave + behind with them all the material about yourself that you can get + together. You must get photographed at Slowburgh in a lot of different + positions, and in your cadet uniform and your volunteer rig when you + get it. Then you must let them have all your earlier photos if you can. + 'Hero Jinks as an infant in arms,' 'Hero Jinks in his baby-carriage,' + 'Hero Jinks as a schoolboy'--what a fine series it would make! You + know what I mean. Then you must write your biography and your opinions + about things in general, and give the addresses of all your friends and + relations so that they can all be interviewed when the time comes. + You'll do it, won't you? It's the up-to-date way of doing things, and + it's the only way to be a military success." + + "If it's the proper way of doing things I'll do it," said Sam. + + "That's a good fellow! I'll send you a list of questions to answer and + coach you as well as I can. I'm dying to get off and have this thing + started. Isn't Jonas great? He's got just my ideas, only bigger. You + see, he explained to me that in this country trusts have grown up with + great difficulty, and it was hard work to establish the benefits which + they produce for the public. They were fought at every step. But in the + Cubapines we have a clean field, and by getting the Government monopoly + whenever we want it, we can found one big trust and do ever so much + good. I half wish I were a Cubapino, they're going to be benefited + so, and without doing anything to deserve it either. Some people + are born lucky." + + "I can't quite follow all those business plans," said Sam. "My head + isn't trained to it; but I'm glad we're going to do good there, and + if I can do something great to bring it about, it will give me real + happiness." + + "It will, old man, it will. I'm sure of it," cried Cleary, as he took + his leave of Sam in front of the hotel. "Let me know what steamer + you're going by as soon as you get orders, and I'll try to manage it + to get a passage on her too. They often carry newspaper men on our + transports." + + On the following day Sam went to visit his uncle at Slowburgh, a small + sea-port of some four thousand inhabitants lying several miles away + from the railroad. The journey in the train occupied six hours or more, + and Sam spent the time in learning the Castalian language in a handbook + he had bought in town. He had already taken lessons in the language at + East Point and was beginning to be fairly proficient. He alighted at + the nearest station to Slowburgh and entered the rather shabby omnibus + which was standing waiting. Sam felt lonely. There was nothing military + about the station and no uniform in sight. He no longer wore a uniform + himself, and the landscape was painfully civilian. Finally the horses + started and the 'bus moved slowly up the road. Sam was impatient. His + fellow countrymen were risking their lives thousands of miles away, and + here he was, creeping along a country road in the disguise of a private + citizen, far away from the post of duty and danger. He looked with + disgust at the plowmen in the fields busily engaged in preparing the + soil for next year's grain. + + "What a mean, poor-spirited lot," he thought. "Here they are, following + their wretched plows without a thought of the brave soldiers who are + defending their country and themselves so many leagues away. It is the + soldier, suffering from hunger and fever and falling on the battlefield + in the agony of death, who makes it possible for these fellows to spend + their days in pleasant exercise in the fields. The soldier bears + civilization on his back, he supports all the rest, he is the pedestal + which bears without complaint the civilian as an idle ornament. The + soldier, in short, is the real man, the only perfect product of + creation." + + And his heart was filled with thankfulness that he had selected the + career of a soldier and that there never could be any doubt of his + usefulness to the world. The only other occupants of the omnibus were + two men--one of them a commercial traveler, and the other an aged + resident of Slowburgh who had been at the county town for the day, as + Sam gathered from their conversation. + + "I don't suppose that the war has caused much excitement at Slowburgh?" + asked Sam at last, introducing the subject uppermost in his mind. + + "It ain't jest what it was when I went to the war," said the old man; + "but there is a deal o' talk about it, and all the young men are + wanting to go." + + "Are they?" cried Sam, in delight. "And did you serve in the war? How + very interesting! Did you offer your life for your country without hope + of reward?" + + "That's just what I did, young man, and if you doubt it, here's my + pension that I drew to-day in town, twelve dollars a month, and they've + paid it now these thirty-four years." + + "That's a pretty soft thing," said the commercial man. "Better'n + selling fountain-pens in the backwoods." + + "A soft thing!" cried the old man, "I ought to have twice as much. + There's Abe Tucker gets fifteen dollars because he caught cold on + picket duty, and I get a beggarly twelve." + + "Were you severely wounded?" asked Sam. + + "Well, no-o-o, not exactly, tho I might just as well 'a' been. I was + down bad with the measles. This is an ongrateful country. Here it is + only thirty-five years after the war, and they're only paying a hundred + and forty millions a year to only a million pensioners. It's a beggarly + shame!" + + "Were there that many men in the war?" asked the traveler. + + "Pretty near it, I reckon. But p'r'aps in thirty-five years there'd be + a natural increase. Think of it, a million men throwing away their + lives for a nothing like that! I jest tell our young fellers that + they'd better stay at home. Why, we've had to fight for what we've got. + You wouldn't think it, but we've had to pass around the hat, and shove + it hard under the nose of Congress, too, just as if we were beggars and + frauds, and as if we hadn't sacrificed everything for our country!" + + "It's an outrage," cried Sam sympathetically. "But I hope you won't + keep the young men from going. I'm going soon, and perhaps the country + will be more generous in future." + + "Take my advice, young man, and whenever anything happens to you while + you're away, take down the names of the witnesses and keep their + affidavits. Then you'll be all ready to get your pension as soon as you + come back. It took me three years to straighten out mine. Then I got + the back pay, of course, but I ought to have had it before. I've got a + claim in now for eight dollars more a month running all the way back. + It amounts to over three thousand dollars, and I ought to have it." + + "Was that for the measles, too?" asked the stranger. + + The old man glared at his interrogator, but did not deign to reply. + + "Our Congressman, old Jinks, has my claim," he said, turning to Sam. + "But he doesn't seem to be able to do anything with it." + + "He's my uncle," said Sam, fearing that he might hear something against + his worthy relative. + + "So you're George Jinks' nephew, are you? Are you goin' to be a + captain? Do tell! I read about it in the Slowburgh _Herald_ last week. + I'm real glad to see you. You're the first officer I've seen in ten + years except the recruiting officer last week." + + "Did they have a recruiting officer here, in Slowburgh?" asked Sam. + + "Yes, they did, and there was thirteen fellers wanted to go, but he + only took five of 'em, and they hain't gone yet. The rest was too short + or too fat or too thin or something." + + "Didn't any more men want to go than that?" + + "No," said the old man. "They all want to wear soldier-clothes, but + they don't all want to go fighting. They've got up a militia battalion + for them now, and 'most everybody in town's got a uniform. I hadn't + seen a uniform in the county before in I don't know how long--except + firemen, I should say." + + "I'm so glad they've got them now," cried Sam. "Doesn't it improve the + looks of the place? It's so much more homelike and-d-d glorious, don't + you think so?" + + The old man had no opportunity to reply, as the 'bus now drew up at the + front door of the principal hotel. The commercial traveler got out + first and went into the house; the old man followed, and turning to Sam + as he passed him, he said with a glance at the vanishing stranger: + + "He's a copperhead, that feller." + + He went on toward the bar-room door, but called back as he went: + + "If you get lonesome over at Jinks', come in here in the evening. Ask + for me; my name's Reddy." + + Sam did not get out of the omnibus, but told the driver to take him to + Congressman Jinks'; and on they went, first to the right and then to + the left along the wide and gently winding streets, which would have + been well shaded with maples if the yellow leaves had not already begun + to fall. They drove in at last through a gate in a wooden fence and + round a semi-circular lawn to the front of a comfortable frame house, + and in a few moments he was received with open arms by his relations. + + Congressman Jinks was a widower and had several children, all of whom, + however, were away at school except his eldest daughter, a young lady + of Sam's age, and his youngest, a girl of seven. The former, Mary, was + a tall damsel with fair hair and a decidedly attractive manner. Mr. + Jinks reminded Sam of his father with the added elegancies of many + years' life at the Capital. + + "Well, Samuel, I am glad to see you at last. We know all about you, and + we're expecting great things from you," he cried out in a hearty voice. + Sam felt at home at once. + + "Come, Mary, show your cousin his room. Here, give me your grip. Yes, + you must let me carry it. Now get ready for supper as soon as you can. + It's all ready whenever you are." + + After supper they all sat round a wood fire, for it was a little chilly + in the evening now. Mr. Jinks had his little girl in his lap, and they + talked over family history and the events of the day. Sam asked who Mr. + Reddy was whom he had met in the train. + + "Oh! you mean old Reddy. Was he drunk? No? That's odd." + + "He'd been away for the day drawing his pension," said Sam. + + "Of course," said Mr. Jinks. "I might have known it. That is his one + sober day in the month. He sobers up to go to town, but he'll make up + for lost time to-night. That twelve dollars will last just a week, and + it all goes into the bar-room till. He's been that way ever since I was + a boy, tho they say he was a steady enough young fellow before he went + to the war. It's a curious coincidence, but there are two or three old + rum-soaked war veterans like that hanging round every tavern in the + country, and I'd like to know how much pension money goes that way. + It's a great system tho, that pension system. I see something of it in + Whoppington when I'm attending Congress. It distributes the money of + the country and circulates it among the people. I like to see the + amount increase every year. It's a healthy sign. I'm trying to get some + more for Reddy. It helps the county just that much. Swan, the hotel + man, spends it here. I believe in protecting home industries and + fostering our home market. I wish you could have heard my speech on the + war-tax bill--it covered that point. My, how this war is costing, tho! + A million dollars a day! But it's well worth it. The more money we + spend and the higher the taxes, the more circulation there is. You + ought to see how things are booming at Whoppington. I'm sorry you + couldn't come to see me there, but I had to be here this week looking + after election matters in my district. In Whoppington all the hotels + are full of contractors and men looking for commissions in the army, + and promoters and investors, all with an eye to the Cubapines. You can + just see how the war has brought prosperity!" + + "I should have liked to see Whoppington very much," said Sam, "but I + suppose I must wait till I come back. It must be very different from + other cities. You must feel there as if you were at the center of + things--at the very mainspring of all our life, I mean." + + "You've hit the nail on the head," said his uncle. "Whoppington holds + up all the rest of the country. There is the Government that makes + everything go. There's no business there to speak of; no manufacturing, + no agriculture in the country round--nothing to distract your attention + but the power of the Administration that lies behind all the rest. + Just think what this country would be without Whoppington! Just imagine + the capital city sinking into the ground and what would we all do? Even + here at Slowburgh what would be left for us?" + + "Wouldn't we have breakfast to-morrow morning, papa?" asked the little + girl in his lap. + + "Er-er-well, perhaps we might have breakfast----" + + "Wouldn't we have clothes, papa?" + + "Perhaps we might have--but no, we couldn't either; it's the tariff + that gives us our clothes by keeping all foreign clothes out of the + country, and then we shouldn't have er-er----" + + "It would upset the post-office," suggested Sam, coming to the rescue. + + "Yes, to be sure, that is what I meant. It would cause a serious delay + in the mails, that's certain." + + "And then there would be no soldiers," added Sam. + + "Of course. How stupid of me to overlook that. How would you like to + see no soldiers in the street?" + + "I shouldn't like it at all, papa." + + "Yes, my dear boy," he proceeded, turning to Sam, "I would not want to + have it repeated in my district, but I confess that I am always + homesick for Whoppington when I am here. That's the real world there. + There's the State Department where they manage all the foreign affairs + of the world. What could we do without foreign affairs? And the + Agricultural Department. How could we get in our crops without it? And + the Labor Department. Every man who does a day's work depends on the + Labor Department for his living, we may say. And the----" + + "The War Department," said Sam. + + "Yes, the War Department. We depend on that for our wars. Perhaps at + first that does not seem to be so useful, but----" + + "Oh! but, Uncle George, surely it is the most useful of all. What could + we do without wars. Just fancy a country without wars!" + + "I don't know but you're right, Sam." + + "And then the Treasury Department depends a good deal on the War + Department," said Sam, in triumph, "for without the War Department and + the army it wouldn't have any pensions to pay." + + "That's so." + + "Papa," said Mary Jinks, who had modestly taken no part in a + conversation whose wisdom was clearly beyond her comprehension--"papa, + why didn't everybody go to the war like Mr. Reddy, and then they'd all + have pensions and nobody'd have to work." + + "It's their own fault if they didn't," answered her father; "and if + some people are overworked they have only their own selves to thank for + it. I have no patience with the complaints of these socialists and + anarchists that the poor are getting poorer and the number of + unemployed increasing. In a country with pensions and war taxes and a + tariff there's no excuse for poverty at all." + + "Yes," said Sam, "they could all enlist if they wanted to." + + The following day was spent in driving about the country. Mr. Jinks was + obliged to visit the various centers in his Congressional district, and + he took Sam with him on one of these expeditions. The country was + beautiful in the clear, cold autumn air. The mountains stood out blue + on the horizon, and the trees were brilliant with red and yellow + leaves. Sam, however, had no eyes for these things. He was eager to + hear about the militia company, and was pleased to see several pairs of + military trousers, altho they were made to do duty with civilian coats. + Such for him were the incidents of the day. After supper in the evening + he bethought him of old Reddy's invitation to the hotel bar-room, and + thinking that he might learn more about the local military situation + there, he excused himself and hied him thither. He found the room + crowded with the wiseacres of the place, the Bohemian, drinking element + perhaps predominating. The room was so full of smoke that, as Sam + entered, he could hardly distinguish its contents, but he saw a + confused mass of men in wooden arm-chairs tipped at every conceivable + angle, surrounding a tall round stove which was heated white hot. The + room was intensely warm and apparently totally wanting in ventilation. + + "Here's my friend, Captain Jinks," said a husky voice which Sam + recognized as that of old Reddy. "Here, take this chair near the fire." + + Sam accepted the offered chair, altho he would have preferred a + situation a little less torrid. + + "Gentlemen, this is Captain Jinks," said the old man, determined to get + all the credit he could from his acquaintance with Sam. "Captain, this + is my friend, Mr. Jackson." + + Mr. Jackson was a tall, thin, narrow-chested man with no shoulders, a + rounded back, and a gray, tobacco-stained mustache. His face was + covered with pimples, and a huge quid of tobacco was concealed under + his cheek. He was sitting on a chair tipped back rather beyond the + danger-point, and his feet rested on the rim which projected from the + stove half-way up. He made no effort to rise, but slowly extended a + grimy, clammy hand which Sam pressed with some hesitation. + + "Glad to make your acquaintance, Captain," he drawled in a half-cracked + voice that suggested damaged lungs and vocal organs. "Shake hands with + Mr. Tucker." + + Mr. Tucker, a little, old, red-faced man on the other side of the + stove, advanced and went through the ceremony suggested. + + "We were just a-talking about them Cubapinos," explained Reddy. "The + idee of them fellers a-pitching into us after all we've done for 'em. + It's outrageous. They're only monkeys anyway, and they ought to be + shot, every mother's son on 'em. Haven't we freed 'em from the cruel + Castalians that they've been hating so for three hundred years?" + + "They seem to be hating us pretty well just now," said a man in the + corner, whose voice sounded familiar to Sam. He turned and recognized + the commercial traveler of the day before. + + "They're welcome to hate us," answered Jackson, "and when it comes to + a matter of hating I shouldn't think much of us if we couldn't make 'em + hate us as much in a year as the Castalians could in three hundred. + They're a blamed slow lot and we ain't. That's all there is of it. What + do you think, Captain?" + + "I fear," said Sam, "that they don't quite understand the great + blessings we're conferring on them." + + "What blessings?" asked the drummer. + + "Why," said Sam, "liberty and independence--no, I don't mean + independence exactly, but liberty and freedom." + + "Then why don't we leave them alone instead of fighting them?" + + "What an idee!" exclaimed Tucker. "They don't know what liberty is, and + we must teach 'em if we have to blow their brains out." + + "You're too hard on 'em, Tucker," drawled Mr. Jackson. "We mustn't + expect too much from pore savages who live in a country so hot that + they can't progress like we do." Here Mr. Jackson took off his hat and + wiped the beads of perspiration from his brow with a red bandanna + handkerchief. "Don't expect too much from cannibals that have their + brains half roasted by the tropical sun." + + "That's a fact!" said some one in the throng. + + "Yes," said Jackson, crossing his legs on a level well above his head, + "them pore critters need our civilization, that's what they need," and + he dexterously squirted a mouthful of tobacco juice on the white-hot + stove, where it sizzled and gradually evaporated. "We must make real + men of 'em. We must give 'em our strength and vigor and intelligence. + They're a dirty lot of lazy beggars, that's the long and short of it, + and we must turn 'em into gentlemen like us!" + + A general murmur of approval followed this outburst. + + "I hear," said Sam, anxious to get some definite information as to the + warriors of the town, "I hear that several Slowburghers are going to + the war." + + "Yes," said Tucker, while Jackson after his effort settled down into a + semi-comatose state, "six of our boys are a-going. There's Davy Black, + he drives the fastest horse in these parts, and Tom Slade. Where is + Tom? He's generally here. They'll miss him here at the hotel, and Jim + Thomson who used to be bartender over at Bloodgood's, and the two + Thatchers--they're cousins--that makes five." + + "The village ought to be glad they are going to represent her at the + front," said Sam. + + "From all I can hear," said the commercial man, "I think they are." + + "Naturally," cried Sam, "it will reflect great glory on the place. You + ought to be proud of them." + + "It'll help the insurance business here," said a young man who had not + yet spoken. + + "How is that?" asked Sam. "I don't exactly see." + + "Well, it's this way. You see I'm in the insurance business and I can't + write a policy on a barn in this township, there's been so many burned; + and while I don't want to say nothing against anybody, we think maybe + they won't burn so much when the Thatchers clear out." + + "Nothin' ain't ever been proved against 'em," said Tucker. + + "That's true," said the young man, "but perhaps there might have been + if they'd stayed. They say that Squire Jones was going to have Josh + Thatcher arrested next week for his barn, but he's agreed to let up if + he'd go to the Cubapines. Maybe that isn't true, but they say so." + + "I venture to say that it is a mistake," said Sam, who had been much + pained by the conversation. "Young men who are so patriotic in the hour + of need must be men of high character." + + "Maybe they are and maybe they aren't," replied the insurance agent, + "but old Mrs. Crane told me she was going to buy chickens again next + week for her chicken-yard. There was so many stolen last year that she + gave up keeping them, but next week she's beginning again, and next + week the Thatchers are going away. It's a coincidence, anyhow." + + "Oh, boys will be boys," said Reddy. "When they get a good pension + they'll be just as respectable as you or me. Here comes Tom Slade now, + and Josh Thatcher, too." + + The door had opened, and through the smoke Sam descried two young men, + one a slight wiry fellow, the other a large, broad-shouldered, + fair-haired man with a dull expression of the eye. + + "Who says 'drinks all around'?" cried the former. "Everybody's blowing + us off now." + + "Here," said Jackson, waking up, "I'll do it, hanged if I don't. You + fellows are a-goin' to civilize the Cubapinos, and you deserve all the + liquor you can carry." + + He got up and approached the bar and the crowd followed him, and soon + every one was supplied with some kind of beverage. + + "Here's to Thatcher and Slade! May they represent Slowburgh honorably + in the Cubapines and show 'em what Slowburghers are like," said + Jackson, elevating his iced cocktail. + + The health was heartily drunk. + + "And here is to that distinguished officer, Captain Jinks. Long may he + wave!" cried old Reddy. + + "Speech, speech!" exclaimed the convivial crowd. + + "Gentlemen," responded Sam, "I am a soldier and not an orator, but I am + proud to have my name coupled with those of your honored fellow + townsmen. It is a sign of the greatness of our country that men of just + the same character are in all quarters of this mighty republic + answering their country's call. Soon we shall have the very pick of our + youth collected on the shores of these ungrateful islanders who have + turned against their best friends, and these misguided people will see + for themselves the fruits of our civilization as we see it, in the + persons of our soldiers. Permit me in responding to your flattering + toast to propose the names of Mr. Reddy and Mr. Tucker as + representatives of an older generation of patriots whose example we are + happy to have before us for our guidance." + + This, Sam's first speech, was received with great applause, and then + Josh Thatcher proposed three cheers for Captain Jinks, which were + given with a will. The only perverse spirit was that of the commercial + traveler, who had sat in the corner reading an old copy of the + Slowburgh _Herald_, and now on hearing the cheers, took a candle and + went upstairs to bed. + + "That man's no good," said Reddy with a shake of his head. While the + whole company were expressing their concurrence with this sentiment, + Sam bade them good-night and took his leave. + + + + + CHAPTER VI + + Off for the Cubapines + + [Illustration] + + + By the next morning's mail Sam's commission arrived, and with it orders + to report at once at the city of St. Kisco, whence a transport was + about to sail on a date which gave Sam hardly time to catch it. He must + hurry at once to town and get his new uniforms for which he had been + fitted the week before, and then proceed by the fastest trains on the + long journey to the distant port without even paying his parents a + farewell visit. He found Cleary busily engaged in making his final + arrangements, and persuaded him to cut them short and travel with him. + Sam had hardly time to take breath from the moment of his departure + from Slowburgh to the evening on which he and Cleary at last sat down + in their sleeping-car. His friend heaved a deep sigh. + + "Well, here we are actually off and I haven't got anything to do for a + change. This is what I call comfort." + + "Yes," said Sam, "but I wish we were in the Cubapines. This inaction is + terrible while so much is at stake. It's a consolation to know that I + am going to help to save the country, but it is tantalizing to wait so + long. Then in your own way you're going to help the country too," he + added, thinking that he might seem to Cleary to be monopolizing the + honors. + + "I'll help it by helping you," laughed Cleary. "I've got another + contract for you. You see the magazines are worth working. They handle + the news after the newspapers are through with it, and they don't + interfere with each other. So I got permission to tackle them from + _The Lyre_, and I saw the editor of _Scribblers' Magazine_ yesterday + and it's a go, if things come out as I expect." + + "What do you mean?" asked Sam. + + "Why, you are to write articles for them, a regular series, and the + price is to be fixed on a sliding scale according to your celebrity at + the time of each publication. It won't be less than a hundred dollars a + page, and may run up to a thousand. It wouldn't be fair to fix the + price ahead. If the articles run say six months, the last article might + be worth ten times as much as the first." + + "Yes, it might be better written," said Sam. + + "Oh, I don't mean that. But your name might be more of an ad. by + that time." + + "I've never written anything to print in my life," said Sam, "and I'm + not sure I can." + + "That doesn't make any difference. I'll write them for you. You might + be too modest anyhow. I can't think of a good name for the series. It + ought to be 'The Autobiography of a Hero,' or 'A Modern Washington in + the Cubapines,' or something like that. What do you think?" + + "I'm sure I don't know," said Sam. "I must leave that to you. They + sound to me rather too flattering, but if you are sure that is the way + those things are always done, I won't make any objection. You might ask + Mr. Jonas. Where is he?" + + "He's going on next week. He's the greatest fellow I ever saw. + Everything he touches turns to gold. He's got his grip on everything in + sight on those blessed islands already. He's scarcely started, and he + could sell out his interests there for a cold million to-day. It's + going to be a big company to grab everything. He's called it the + 'Benevolent Assimilation Company, Limited'; rather a good name, I + think, tho perhaps 'Unlimited' would be nearer the truth." + + "Yes," said Sam. "It shows our true purposes. I hope the Cubapinos will + rejoice when they hear the name." + + "Perhaps they won't. There's no counting on those people. I'm sick of + them before I've seen them. I'm just going to tell what a lot of + skins they are when I begin writing for _The Lyre_. By the way, did you + have your photographs taken at Slowburgh?" + + [Illustration: A BLOOD BROTHERHOOD + "A BIG COMPANY TO GRAB EVERYTHING ... THE 'BENEVOLENT ASSIMILATION + COMPANY, LIMITED'"] + + "No," said Sam, "I forgot all about it, but I can write home about the + old ones, and I've got one in cadet uniform taken at East Point." + + "Well, we mustn't forget to have you taken at St. Kisco, and we can + mail the photos to _The Lyre_, but you must be careful not to overlook + a thing like that again. The people will want to know what the hero who + saved the country looked like." + + "Even if I don't do anything very wonderful," said Sam, "and I hope I + shall, I shall be taking part in a great work, and doing my share of + civilizing and Christianizing a barbarous country. They have no + conception of our civilized and refined manners, of the sway of law and + order, of all our civilized customs, the result of centuries of + improvement and effort." + + Cleary picked up a newspaper to read. + + "What's that other newspaper lying there?" asked Sam. + + "That's _The Evening Star_; do you want it?" and he handed it to him. + + "Good Lord! what's that frightful picture?" said Cleary, as Sam opened + the paper. "Oh, I see; it's that lynching yesterday. Why, it's from a + snap-shot; that's what I call enterprise! There's the darkey tied to + the stake, and the flames are just up to his waist. My! how he squirms. + It's fearful, isn't it? And look at the crowd! There are small boys + bringing wood, and women and girls looking on, and, upon my word, a + baby in arms, too! I know that square very well. I've often been there. + That's the First Presbyterian Church there behind the stake. Rather a + handsome building," and Cleary turned back to his own paper, while Sam + settled down in his corner to read how the leading citizens gathered + bones and charred flesh as mementoes and took them home to their + children. No one could have guessed what he was reading from his + expression, for his face spoke of nothing but a guileless conscience + and a contented heart. + + One day at St. Kisco gave just time enough for the photographs, and + most of the day was devoted to them. Sam was taken in twenty poses--in + the act of leading his troops in a breach, giving the order to fire, + charging bayonets himself with a musket supposed to have been taken + from a dead foe, standing with his arms folded and his cap pulled over + his eyes in the trenches, and waving his cap on a bastion in the moment + of triumph. Cleary lay down so that his friend might be pictured with + his foot upon his prostrate form. The photographer was one who made a + specialty of such work, and was connected with a cinematograph company. + + "If you have good luck, sir, and become famous," he said, "as your + friend thinks you will, we'll fight your battles over again over there + in the vacant lot; and then we'll work these in, and you'll soon be in + every variety show in the country." + + "But I may be mounted on horseback," said Sam. + + "That's so," said Cleary. "Can't you get a horse somewhere and take him + on that?" + + "We never do that, sir. Here's a saddle. Just sit on it across this + chair, and when the time comes we'll work it in all right. We'll have a + real horse over in the lot." And thus Sam was taken straddling a chair. + + They left orders to send copies of the photographs to Homeville, + Slowburgh, and to Miss Hunter who was still at East Point, and the + remainder to _The Lyre_. That very evening they boarded the transport + and at daybreak sailed away over the great ocean. The ship was filled + by various drafts for different regiments and men-of-war. Sam's + regiment was already at the seat of war, but there were several + captains and lieutenants assigned to it on board, as well as thirty or + forty men. Sam felt entirely comfortable again for the first time since + his resignation at East Point. He was in his element, the military + world, once more. Everything was ruled by drum, fife, and bugle. He + found the same feeling of intense patriotism again, which civilians can + not quite attain to, however they may make the attempt. The relations + between some of the officers seemed to Sam somewhat strange. The + highest naval officer on board, a captain, was not on speaking terms + with the highest army officer, a brigadier-general of volunteers. This + breach apparently set the fashion, for all the way down, through both + arms of the service, there were jealousies and quarrels. There was one + great subject of dispute, the respective merits of the two admirals who + had overcome the Castalian fleet at Havilla. Some ascribed the victory + to the one and some to the other, but to take one side was to put an + end to all friendships on the other. + + "See here, Sam," said Cleary, not long after they had been out of sight + of land, "who are you for, Admiral Hercules or Admiral Slewey? We can't + keep on the fence, that's evident, and if we get down on different + sides we can't be friends, and that might upset all our plans, not to + speak of the Benevolent Assimilation Trust." + + "The fact is," said Sam, "that I don't know anything about it. They're + both admirals, and they both must be right." + + "Nobody knows anything about it, but we must make up our minds all the + same. My idea is that Hercules is going to come out ahead; and as long + as one seems as good as the other in other respects, I move that we go + for Hercules." + + "Very well," said Sam, "if you say so. He was in command, anyway, and + more likely to be right." + + So Sam and Cleary allied themselves with the Hercules party, which was + in the majority. They became quite intimate with the naval officers who + belonged to this faction, and saw more of them than of the army men. + Sam was much interested in learning about the profession which kept + alive at sea the same traditions which the army preserved on land. For + the first few days of the voyage the rolling of the ship made him feel + a little sick, and he concealed his failings as well as he could and + kept to himself; but he proved to be on the whole a good sailor. He was + particularly pleased to learn that on a man-of-war the captain takes + his meals alone, and that only on invitation can an inferior officer + sit down at table with him. This appealed to him as an admirable way of + maintaining discipline and respect. The fact that all the naval men he + met had their arms and bodies more or less tattooed also aroused his + admiration. He inquired of the common soldiers if they ever indulged in + the same artistic luxury, and found out to his delight that a few of + them did. + + "It's strange," he remarked to Cleary, "that tattooing is universal in + the navy and comparatively rare in the army. I rather think the habit + must have been common to both services, and somehow we have nearly lost + it. It's a fine thing. It marks a man with noble symbols and mottoes, + and commits him to an honorable life, indelibly I may say." + + "It's a little like branding a mule," said Cleary. + + "Yes," said Sam; "the brand shows who owns the mule, and the tattooing + shows a man belongs to his country." + + "And if he's shipwrecked and hasn't any picture-books or newspapers + with him, he can find all he wants on his own skin," said Cleary. + + "Joke as you please, I think it's a patriotic custom." + + "Why don't you get tattooed then?" asked Cleary. + + "Do you think there's anybody on board can do it?" cried Sam + enthusiastically. + + "Of course. Any of those blue-jackets can tell you whom to go to." + + Sam was off before Cleary had finished his sentence. Sure enough, he + found a boatswain who was renowned as an artist, and without further + parley he delivered himself into his hands. Cleary was consulted on the + choice of designs, and the result was pronounced by all the + connoisseurs on board--and there were many--to be a masterpiece. On his + chest was a huge spread-eagle with a bunch of arrows, bayonets, and + lightning-flashes in his claws. Cannon belched forth on each side, and + the whole was flanked by a sailor on one side and a soldier on the + other. His arms were tattooed with various small designs of crossed + swords, flags, mottoes, the title of his regiment, and other such + devices. The boatswain now thought that his task was complete, but Sam + insisted on having his back decorated as well, altho this was rather + unusual. The general stock of subjects had been exhausted, and Cleary + suggested that a representation of Sam himself, striking off the + fetters of a Cubapino, would be most appropriate. After discussing a + number of other suggestions offered by various friends, this one was + finally adopted and successfully carried out. The operation was not + altogether painless and produced a good deal of irritation of the skin, + but it served to pass Sam's time and allay his impatience to be in the + field, and Cleary became so much interested that he consented to allow + the artist to tattoo a few modest designs of cannon and crossed + bayonets on his own arms. Sam's comparatively high rank among officers + who were, many of them, his juniors in rank but his seniors in years, + might have made his position at first a difficult one had it not been + for his entire single-mindedness and loyalty to his country. If the + powers that be had made him a captain, it was right that he should be a + captain. He obeyed implicitly in taking his seat near the head of the + table, as he would have obeyed if he had been ordered to the foot, and + he expected others to accept what came from above as he did. + + One afternoon a report sprang up that land was in sight, and soon every + eye was strained in one direction. Sam's eyesight was particularly + good, and he was one of the first to detect the white gleam of a + lighthouse. Soon the coast-line was distinct, and it was learned that + they would arrive on the next day. By daybreak Sam was on deck, + studying as well as he could this new land of heroism and adventure. + Cleary joined him later, and the two friends watched the strange + tropical shore with its palm-groves and occasional villages, and a + range of mountains beyond. A bay opened before them, and the ship + turned in, passing near an old fortification. + + "This is just where our fleet went in," said Cleary, examining a + folding map which he held in his hand. "They passed along there single + file," and he pointed out the passage. + + "Wasn't it glorious! Just think of sailing straight on, no matter how + many torpedoes there were!" exclaimed Sam. + + "They knew blamed well there weren't any torpedoes," answered Cleary. + + "How could they have known? They hadn't ever been here before? There + might perfectly well have been a lot of them directly under them." + + "Yes," said Cleary, "they might have grown up from the bottom of the + sea. All sorts of queer things grow here. There might have been a sort + of coral torpedoes." + + "Cleary, you're getting more and more cynical every day. I wish you'd + be more reasonable. What's the matter with you?" + + "It must be the newspaper business. And then you see I don't wear a + uniform either. That makes a lot of difference." + + In another hour they passed the scene of the great naval battle. They + could just distinguish the hulks of the wrecks well in shore. + + "And there's Havilla!" cried Cleary. + + And Havilla it was. They entered the great Oriental port with its + crowded shipping. Small native boats were darting about between + merchantmen and men-of-war. The low native houses, the fine buildings + of the Castalian city, the palms, the Eastern costumes--all made a + scene not to be forgotten. An officer of the 200th Volunteer Infantry + came on board before the steamer had come to her moorings, with orders + for Captain Jinks to report at once at their headquarters in one of the + public buildings of the city. A lieutenant was left in charge of the + 200th's detail, and Sam hastened ashore in a native boat and Cleary + went with him. They had no difficulty in finding their way, and Sam was + soon reporting to his chief, Colonel Booth, an elderly captain of the + regular army, who had been placed at the head of this volunteer + regiment. The colonel received him rather gruffly, and turned him over + to one of his captains, telling him they would be quartered together. + The colonel was inclined to pay no attention to Cleary, but when the + latter mentioned the Benevolent Assimilation Company, Limited, he + suddenly changed his tone and expressed great delight at meeting him. + Sam and Cleary went off together with the captain, whose name was + Foster, to visit the lodgings assigned by the colonel. They were in a + building near by, which had been used as barracks by the Castalian + army. A number of rooms had been fitted up for the use of officers, and + Sam and Foster were to occupy one of these, an arrangement which + promised to be most comfortable. Five companies of their regiment were + quartered in the same building. + + Cleary asked Foster's advice as to lodgings for himself, and Foster + took him off with him to find a place, while Sam was left to unpack his + luggage which had just arrived from the ship. They agreed to meet again + in the same room at nine o'clock in the evening. + + It was somewhat after the hour fixed that the three men came together. + Foster brought out a bottle of whisky from a cupboard and put it on + the table by the water-jug, and then offered cigars. Sam had never + smoked before, but he felt that a soldier ought to smoke, and he + accepted the weed, and soon they were all seated, smoking and drinking, + and engaged in a lively conversation. Foster had been in the Cubapines + since the arrival of the first troops, and it was a treat for both of + his interlocutors to hear all the news at first hand from a participant + in the events. + + "How were things when you got here?" asked Cleary. + + "Well, it was like this," answered Foster. "Nothing had happened then + except the destruction of the fleet. Our fleet commanded the water of + course, and the niggers had closed up round the city on land. The + Castalians didn't have anything but the city, and when we came we + wanted to take the city." + + "Was Gomaldo in command of the Cubapino army then?" asked Sam. + + "Yes, he has been from the beginning. He's a bad lot." + + "How is that?" asked Cleary. + + "Why, he has interfered with us all along as much as he could, just as + if we didn't own the place." + + "That's just what I thought," said Cleary. "The copperheads at home say + we treated him as an ally, but of course that's rubbish." + + "Of course," said Foster, "we never treated him as an ally. We only + brought him here and made use of him, supplying him with some arms and + letting him take charge of some of our prisoners. We couldn't tell him + that we intended to keep the islands, because we were using him and + couldn't get on without him. He's an ignorant fellow and hasn't the + first idea of the behavior of an officer and a gentleman." + + "Well, how did you take Havilla?" asked Sam. + + "Oh, it was this way. The Castalians couldn't hold out because these + monkeys had the place so tight that they couldn't get any provisions + in. So they sent secret word to us that they would let us in on a + certain day if we would keep the natives out. We agreed to this, of + course. Then the Castalian general said that we must have some kind of + a battle or he would be afraid to go home, and we cooked up a nice + little battle. When the men got into it, however, it turned out to be + quite a skirmish, and a number were killed on both sides. Then they + surrendered and we went in and put a guard at the gates, and wouldn't + let the niggers in. You wouldn't believe it, but they actually kicked + at it. They're an unreasonable, sulky lot of beggars." + + "Then what happened after that?" asked Sam. + + "Oh, after that we sent the Castalians home and the Cubapinos moved + back their lines a little, and we agreed to a sort of neutral zone and + a line beyond which we weren't to go." + + "What was it that started the fighting between us and them?" said Sam. + + "It's a little mixed up. I was at the theater that night, and in the + middle of the play we heard firing, and all of us rushed off and found + everything in motion, and it grew into a regular fight. We made them + move back, and before long the firing ceased. I tried to find out the + next day how it began. The fact is, the day before, General Notice had + ordered the 68th to move forward about half a mile, and they did so. + The Cubapinos objected and insisted on crossing the new picket-line. + That evening an officer of theirs walked across it and was shot by the + sentinel. That started it." + + "Was the regiment moved across the line fixed on their side of the + neutral zone?" said Cleary. + + "Oh, yes. But that was all right. Don't we own the whole place? And the + regiment was only obeying orders." + + "I wonder why the general gave the orders?" asked Cleary, musing as he + looked into the smoke which he was puffing forth. + + "They say it was because he had what he called 'overmastering political + reasons.' That is, there was the army bill up in Congress and it had to + go through, and he was given the tip that some fighting would help it, + and he took the hint. It was good statesmanship and generalship, too. + All subordinate things must bend to the great general interests of the + country. It was a good move, for it settled the business. Gomaldo sent + in the next day and tried to patch up a truce, but Notice wouldn't see + his messengers. He told them they must surrender unconditionally. It + was fine, soldierly conduct. He's a brick." + + "What has he gone home for?" asked Sam. + + "Why, he'd conquered them. Why shouldn't he go home? They're giving him + a grand reception at home, and I'm glad to see it." + + "But he says that he has pacified the islands and brought the war to a + close!" + + "So he did, in the military sense. He couldn't tell that the scamps + wouldn't submit at once. It wasn't his fault that they showed such + unreasonable bitterness and obstinacy." + + "How much territory do we hold now?" said Sam. + + "We've got the city and a strip along the bay where the fleet is; about + five miles back, I should say. But it's hardly safe to wander off far + at night." + + "What's going to happen next?" asked Cleary. "I want to send home some + news to _The Lyre_ as soon as I can, and I want my friend Jinks here to + have a chance to distinguish himself--and you too," he added hastily. + + "We'll probably get to work by next week, the way things look now. + General Laughter is rather slow, but he means business. Gomaldo is + getting a big army together, and we may have to take the offensive to + get ahead of him. Now I suppose we ought to turn in. How would you like + to take a look at Havilla to-morrow and see the place where the naval + battle was? We can get off duty in the afternoon. All right, let's meet + at regimental headquarters at three." + + Cleary bade them good-night, and Sam, who was beginning to feel + uncomfortable effects from his cigar, was quite ready to go to bed. + + Sam's morning was occupied in familiarizing himself with the regimental + routine in barracks. The building enclosed a large court which was + used for drills and guard-mounting parade, and he did not have occasion + to leave it until he went to join his friends at headquarters. Promptly + at three o'clock the three men sallied forth. Sam was struck with the + magnificence of the principal buildings, including the palace and the + cathedral. + + "It's a fine city, isn't it?" he said. + + "Yes, and the women are not bad-looking," said Cleary. + + "The people don't quite look like savages," said Sam. + + "You can't judge of them by these," said Foster. "Wait till you meet + some negritos in the country." + + "How large a part of the population are they?" said Sam. + + "About one-fortieth, I think, but where principle is involved you can't + go by numbers." + + "Of course not," was Sam's reply. "What building is that," he added, + "with our flag over it and the nicely dressed young women in the + windows?" + + "That?" said Foster, laughing; "oh, that's the Young Ladies' Home. We + have to license the place. It's the only way to keep the army in + condition. Why, we've got about fifty per cent infected now." + + "Really?" cried Sam. "How our poor fellows are called upon to suffer + for these ungrateful Cubapinos! Still they can feel that they are + suffering for their country, too. That's a consolation." + + "There's more consolation than that," said Foster, "for we're spreading + the thing like wildfire among the natives. We'll come out ahead." + + "I wish, tho, that they wouldn't fly Old Gory over the house," + said Sam. + + "There was some talk of taking it down, but you see it's the policy of + the Administration never to haul down the flag when it has once been + raised. It presents rather a problem, you see." + + "It may wear out in time," said Sam, "altho it looks painfully new. + What will they do then?" + + "I confess I don't know," said Foster. "They'll cross the bridge when + they reach it." + + "A good many of the shop signs are in English already," remarked Sam. + "That's a good beginning." + + "Yes," said Cleary. "But they seem to be almost all saloons, that's + queer." + + "So they are," said Sam. + + "There are some pretty good ones, too," said Foster. "Just stop in here + for a moment and take a drink." + + They entered a drinking-place and found a bar planned on the familiar + lines of home. + + "Look at this list of our drinks," said Foster proudly. "Count 'em; + there are eighty-two." + + Sam examined the list, which was printed and framed and hanging on the + wall, and they each took a glass of beer, standing. There were about a + dozen men in the place, most of them soldiers. + + "Do they do a big business in these places?" asked Sam. + + "You'll think so when you see the drunken soldiers in the streets in + the evening," answered Foster. "We're planting our institutions here, + I tell you." + + "Not only saloons," said Sam. "There's the post-office, for instance." + + "They had a post-office before," said Cleary. + + "But ours is surely better," rejoined Sam. + + "It's better than it was," said Foster, "now that they've put the new + postmaster in jail. They say he's bagged $75,000." + + "It's a good example of the way we treat embezzlers," cried Sam. "It + ought to be a lesson to these Cubapinos. He'll be sent home to be + tried. They ought to do that with every one caught robbing the mails in + any way." + + "I'm afraid if they did the force would be pretty well crippled," said + Foster. + + "Then there's the custom house," said Sam. "They must be delighted to + get rid of those Castalian swindlers." + + "A merchant here told me," said Foster, "that they have to pay just as + often now, but that they have to pay bigger sums." + + "Of course," cried Cleary, "you wouldn't expect our people to bother + with the little bribes the Castalians were after. We live on a larger + scale. It will do these natives good to open their eyes to a real + nation. I'm sorry any of them steal, but if they do, let 'em take a lot + and be done with it." + + "We must remember that these people are only civilians," said Sam. + "What can we expect of them?" + + "Our commissary and quartermaster departments aren't much better, tho," + said Foster. "Somebody's getting rich, to judge from the prices we pay + and the stuff we get. The meat stinks, and the boots are made with glue + instead of stitches and nails." + + "Then they must have been appointed from civil life," cried Sam. + + "Come, Sam," said Cleary, "I'm a civilian now, and I'm not going to + have you crow over us. How about Captain Peters, who was the pet of + Whoppington and cleaned out the Deer Harbor fund?" + + Sam walked on in silence. + + "See here," said Foster, "I'm tired of going on foot. Let's take a cab. + Here, you fellow!" + + A two-wheeled wagon with an awning, drawn by a small, shaggy horse, + drew up before them. + + "There's a gentleman in it," said Sam. "We must wait for another." + + "Nonsense!" cried Foster in a loud voice. "You evidently are a new + arrival. It's only one of those monkeys. Here you, sir, get out of + that!" + + The native expostulated a little, shrugged his shoulders, and did as he + was told, and the three men got in. + + "I'm afraid he didn't like it," said Sam. + + "Didn't like it? What of it?" said Foster. "Whatever we do in uniform + is official business, and we've got to impress these fellows with our + power and make them respect us." + + They drove now through some narrow streets, past various native cafes + half open to the air, where the _habitues_ were beginning to collect, + through a picturesque gate in the old city wall, and out on the + Boulevard, which was now filled with people driving and walking. It was + a gay scene, and reminded Cleary of some of the cities of the + Mediterranean which he had visited. + + "They're not quite as much like Apaches as I expected," said Sam, and + neither of his friends ventured to respond. + + "We haven't got time to go out to where the ships are sunk," said + Foster, "but if we drive up that hill and get out and walk up a little + farther we can see them in the distance. I've got my glasses with me." + + In a few minutes they were at this point of vantage in a sort of + unfrequented public park, and the three men took turns in looking at + the distant wrecks through the captain's field-glass. + + "It was a great victory, wasn't it?" said Sam. + + "Well, perhaps it was," answered Foster; "but the fact is, that those + old boats could hardly float and their guns couldn't reach our ships. + We just took our time and blew them up and set them on fire, and the + crews were roasted or drowned, that was all there was of it. I don't + think much of naval men anyway, to tell the truth. They don't compare + with the army. They're always running their ships aground if there's + any ground to run into." + + "Anyhow, if it had been a strong fleet we'd have wiped it out just the + same, wouldn't we?" said Sam. + + "Undoubtedly," said Foster. "It's a pity, tho, that the fight didn't + test our naval armaments better. It didn't prove anything. If we'd only + used our torpedo-boats, and they'd got out their torpedo-boat + destroyers, and then we'd had some torpedo-boat-destroyer destroyers, + and----" + + "Yes," interrupted Cleary, "it is a pity." + + "But it wasn't Admiral Hercules's fault," said Sam. "His glory ought to + be just as great." + + "Hercules! Hercules!" shouted Foster. "What had Hercules to do with it? + He's a first-class fraud. It was Slewey who won the battle. You don't + mean to tell me that you are Hercules men?" + + Sam and Cleary tried in vain to explain their position, but Foster + would not listen to them. The breach evidently was irreparable. He + magnanimously turned over the cab to them, and went back to the city in + another vehicle. + + "Well, this is strange," said Sam. "I liked everything about Captain + Foster, but I don't understand this." + + "Oh, you will tho, old man," said Cleary. "I've found out this morning + that it's the same thing all through the army and navy here. They're + hardly any of them on speaking terms. If it isn't one thing it's + another. It's the Whoppington fashion, that's all. The general of the + army won't speak to the adjutant-general there, and they're always + smuggling bills into Congress to retire each other, and that spirit + runs all the way down through both services. I'm a civilian now, and I + can see with a little perspective. I don't know why military people are + always squabbling like the women in an old ladies' home. No other + professions do; it's queer. It's getting to be better to lose a battle + than to win it, for then you don't have to fight for a year or two to + find out who won it." + + Sam entered a feeble protest against Cleary's criticisms, and the two + relapsed into silence. + + "Who did win that naval victory anyhow?" said Sam at last. + + "That's just what I'd like to know," responded Cleary. "One of the + admirals admits he wasn't there, and, if we are to believe the naval + people, the other one spent most of his time dodging around the + smokestack. But I think they're a little too hard on him; I can't + imagine why. I hear they're going to establish a permanent court at + Whoppington to determine who wins victories in future. It's not a bad + idea. My own view is that that battle won itself, and I shouldn't be + surprised if that was the way with most battles. It would be fun to run + a war without admirals and generals and see how it would come out. I + don't believe there'd be much difference. At any rate it looks so, if + what the navy says is true, and one of the admirals was away and the + other playing tag on the forward deck of the _Philadelphia_. Rum name + for a battle-ship, the _Brotherly Love_, isn't it?" + + To this Sam made no answer. + + On arriving at the barracks he succeeded in having a separate room + assigned to him, and thenceforth he and Foster were strangers. + + + + + CHAPTER VII + + The Battle of San Diego + + [Illustration] + + + During the next few days there was much activity in the army. It was + clear that there was an expedition in preparation. All sorts of rumors + were floating about, but it was impossible to verify any of them. Some + said that Gomaldo was advancing with a large army; others, that he had + surrendered and that the army was about to take peaceable possession + of the islands. Meanwhile Sam's position in the 200th Infantry was most + unpleasant. Foster was a popular man in the regiment, and he had set + all the officers against him. It was unfortunately a Slewey regiment, + and it was too late for Sam to change sides--a thing which he was quite + ready to do. He made up his mind never to mention the two admirals + again, and regretted that he had named them once too often. He + complained to Cleary. + + "I'm afraid," he said, "that there's no chance of my doing anything. + The colonel will see to it that I am out of the way if there's anything + to do. I might as well have stayed at East Point." + + "Brace up, old man! I've got an idea," said Cleary. "I'll fix you all + right. Just you wait till to-morrow or the day after." + + The next day in the afternoon Sam received an order to report at once + at the headquarters of General Laughter. He hastened to obey, and was + ushered into the presence of that distinguished officer in the palace. + It was an impressive sight that met his eyes. The general was believed + to weigh some three hundred pounds, but he looked as if he weighed + nearer five hundred. He was dressed in a white duck suit with brass + buttons, the jacket unbuttoned in front and showing his underclothes. + He was suffering a good deal from the heat, and fanning himself + incessantly. Several members of his staff were busied talking with + visitors or writing at desks, but the chief was doing nothing. He was + seated in a superb arm-chair with his back to a pier-glass. + + "Ah! captain," he said. "I'm glad to see you. Have a whisky and soda? + I've assigned you to duty on my staff. Report here again to-morrow at + ten and have your things moved over to the palace. Major Stroud will + show you your quarters, captain!" + + Major Stroud advanced and shook hands with Sam. He was every inch a + soldier in appearance, but old enough to be a retired field-marshal. + The three indulged in whiskies and soda, and Sam took his leave after + a brief formal conversation. He found Cleary waiting for him in the + street. + + "How on earth did you do it?" cried Sam. + + "It's the B. A. C. L.," said Cleary. + + "The what!" + + "The Benevolent Assimilation Company, Limited. What do you suppose? + With _The Daily Lyre_ thrown in too." + + "Oh! thank you, thank you, my dear, dear friend," ejaculated Sam, with + tears in his eyes. "I was beginning to think that my whole life was a + failure, and here I am just in the very best place in the world. I + won't disappoint you, I won't disappoint you!" + + In the few days at the barracks of the 200th Infantry, Sam had learned + something of regimental work, and now he applied himself assiduously to + the study of the business of the headquarters of a general in command + in the field, for the army was practically in the field. At first it + all seemed to him to be a maze quite without a plan, and he hoped that + in time he would begin to see the outline of a system. But the more he + observed the less system he saw. Everything that could be postponed was + postponed. Responsibility was shifted from one staff officer to + another. No one was held accountable for anything, and general + confusion seemed to reign. The place was besieged with contractors and + agents, and the staff was nearly worried to death. The general was + always very busy--fanning himself--and the days went on. + + One morning a fellow member of the staff, a young lieutenant whom he + scarcely knew, called Sam aside and asked him for a half-hour's + conference. They went off together into a deserted room, and the + lieutenant began the conversation in a whisper. + + "See here, Captain," said he, "we're looking for a patriotic fellow who + cares more for his country than his own reputation. We understand that + you're just the man." + + "I hope so," said Sam, delighted at the prospect of an opportunity to + distinguish himself. + + "It's a rather delicate matter," continued the lieutenant, "and I must + say it's rather a compliment to you to be selected for the job. The + fact is, that Captain Jones is in trouble. He's about $3,000 short in + his accounts." + + "How did that happen?" asked Sam. + + "Oh, that's not the point. I don't see that it makes any difference. + But we've got to get him out of the scrape. The honor of the army is + at stake. Civilians don't understand us. They don't appreciate our + standards of honor. And if this thing gets out they'll charge us with + all kinds of things. We've got to raise $3,000. That's all there is + of it." + + "Good heavens! how can we?" cried Sam. "I've hardly got anything left + of my pay, but I can give, say $25, on the next pay-day." + + "We're not going to pass the hat around. That would be beneath the + dignity of the army. What we want you to do is this--and, indeed, we + have settled it that you should do it. You are to go to-morrow + afternoon to Banks & Company, the army contractors, and have a + confidential talk with Banks. Tell him you must have $3,000 at once. + Here's a letter of introduction to him. He will see that you represent + the people that run things here. Tell him that his contracts will + probably be preferred to Short & Co.'s, and tell him that for the + future we shan't inspect his things as closely as we have in the past. + You needn't go into particulars. He will understand. It's an ordinary + business matter." + + "I don't quite like the idea," said Sam, ruminating. "Why don't you go + yourself?" + + "My dear Captain, I'm only a lieutenant. It requires a man of higher + rank to do such an important piece of work. You're a new man on the + staff, and we wanted to pay you an honor and give you a chance to show + your patriotism. You will be saving the reputation and character of + the army." + + "Oh, thank you!" exclaimed Sam. "Are you sure that it's always done in + just this way?" + + "Always. It's an ordinary matter of business arrangement, as I've + already told you." + + "Then it must be all right, I suppose," said Sam. + + "But it's not only that. It's a noble act to protect the character of a + brother officer." + + "So it is, so it is," said Sam. "I'll do it. I'll call and see him + about it to-morrow afternoon." + + "Hello!" shouted another officer, coming into the room. "Have you seen + the orders? There's to be a conference of brigade and regimental + commanders here to-night, and all staff officers are invited to attend. + That means business." + + Sam was overjoyed at the news, and the three men hastened to the + headquarters' room to discuss it with their fellow officers. + + Sam was present at the conference as a matter of course, and he watched + the proceedings with the greatest interest. A map was stretched out on + a magnificent gilt table in the middle of the room in which Sam had + first seen the general, and most of the officers bent over it studying + it. The general sat back in his arm-chair with his fan and asked + everybody's advice, and no one appeared to have any advice to give. + + "The fact is this, gentlemen," he said at last, "we've got to do + something, and the question is, what to do. Burton," said he to his + assistant adjutant-general, "show them the plan that we've worked + out." + + Burton was one of the officers who were poring over the map, and he + began to explain a general advance in the direction of the enemy. He + pointed out the position which they were now supposed to occupy, some + ten miles away. + + "We ought to move out our lines to-morrow," he explained, "within, say, + three or four miles of theirs. The regiments will keep the same order + that they're in here at Havilla. We can't make the final arrangements + until we get there. We may stay there a day or two to entrench + ourselves, and then move on them at daybreak some day within a week." + + "That's the plan, gentlemen," said the general. "What do you think of + it?" and he began to question all the general and field officers + present beginning with the youngest, and none of them had any + suggestion to offer. + + "Then it's understood that we start for this line here to-morrow + morning at seven," said Burton. + + They all assented. + + "Now, boys, let's have some whisky," said the general, and the + conference resolved itself into a committee of the whole. + + Early in the morning the troops began to move forward. Sam, who acted + as aide-de-camp, was sent out from headquarters once or twice to urge + the various colonels to make haste, but there seemed to be no special + orders as to the details of the movement. The regiments went as best + they could and selected their own roads, finally choosing the positions + that seemed most desirable to their commanders, who took care not to + leave too great an interval between regiments. The men were set to work + at once at putting up the tents and making entrenchments. It was some + time after midday when the general and his staff finally left the + headquarters in the city. Sam came downstairs with Major Stroud to + mount his horse, and was surprised to see a landau with two horses + drawn up at the door. + + "Who's that for?" he cried. + + "For the general," answered Major Stroud quietly. + + "For the general! Why on earth doesn't he ride a horse?" + + "There isn't a horse in the place that can carry him. He tried one when + he first came here. He mounted it on a step-ladder, and the beast came + down on his knees on the stone pavement and had to be shot. He hasn't + tried it since." + + After waiting on the street for a long time Sam had the privilege of + seeing the general emerge from the palace and enter his carriage. He + was perspiring and fanning as usual, but carried no whisky and soda. + The staff officers, of whom there were a dozen or more, mounted and + followed the carriage. Sam rode next to Stroud. There was much + confusion in the roads which they traveled--wagons laden with tents and + provisions and hospital stores, camp-followers of all descriptions, and + some belated soldiers besides. The general, however, had the right of + way, and they proceeded with reasonable speed. They passed through + native villages, rows of one-and two-story thatched houses on each + side, with wooden palisades in front of them, well shaded by low but + spreading palms. They passed large sugar refineries, built by the + Castalians, and churches and convents. They passed rice-fields, some + covered with water and others more or less dry, which sturdy peasants + were busy harrowing with buffaloes. On the road they saw many + two-wheeled carts drawn by single buffaloes, the man standing in the + cart as he drove. At last they came to a halt on rising ground at the + edge of a piece of woodland, and Colonel Burton, the adjutant-general, + rode up beside the general's carriage and dismounted, and the two began + to study the map again. After a long discussion the procession moved on + again and finally stopped at the crest of a ridge, where the general + alighted and soon selected a place for his tent. An hour had passed + before the tents and baggage arrived, but notwithstanding the delay the + tents were pitched and supper ready by sundown, and Sam found himself + actually in the field on the eve of a battle. The eve, however, was + somewhat prolonged. Several days passed, and Sam was kept pretty busy + in riding to the various brigade and regimental headquarters and + finding out how things were progressing: what was the state of the + trenches, and what news there was from the enemy. Scouting parties were + sent out, but their reports were kept secret, and Sam was left in the + dark. There was a native village about half a mile to the rear, and the + inhabitants were all friendly. Sam stopped there occasionally for a + drink of water, and became acquainted with the keeper of the cafe, who + was particularly amicable and fond of conversation. Cleary was on the + lookout for accommodations in the neighborhood, and Sam introduced him + to this native, Senor Garcia, who provided him with a room. One evening + Sam was sitting with Cleary in the cafe when Garcia, as was his custom, + joined them, and they began to talk in the Castalian language. + + "We are glad you people are coming to rule our islands," said Garcia; + "that is, those of us who know your history, because we know that you + are a great people and love freedom." + + "I am pleased to hear it," said Sam. "Cleary, I was sure that all the + sensible natives would feel that way." + + "You believe in liberty, equality, fraternity?" + + "Of course we do," said Cleary. + + "Yes," said Sam, "if you understand those words properly. Now liberty + doesn't interfere with obedience. Our whole army here is built up on + the idea of obedience. We've all got liberty, of course, but----" + + "Liberty to do what?" asked Garcia innocently. + + "Why, liberty to--well, to--yes, liberty to do as we're ordered," + said Sam. + + "Ah! I see," said Garcia. "And then you have equality." + + "Yes," said Sam, "in a general way we have. But that doesn't prevent + people from differing in rank. Now there's the general, he's my + superior, and I'm the superior of the lieutenants, and we're all + superior to the privates. We have regular schools at home to teach us + not to misunderstand the kind of equality that we believe in. There's + one at East Point for the army. This gentleman and I were educated + there. We weren't allowed even to look at our superiors. There's + another institution like it for the navy. And then every man-of-war and + every army garrison is a sort of college to spread these ideas about + rank. A captain of a ship can't even let his officers dine with him too + often. It's a fine system and it prevents us from making any mistakes + about what equality means." + + "And then fraternity?" asked Garcia. + + "Oh, that's just the same," said Cleary. "At East Point we got a blow + in the jaw if we showed the wrong kind of fraternity to our betters." + + "It's a wonderful system," said Garcia. "But I have heard some of your + people explain liberty, equality, fraternity a little differently." + + "They must have been civilians," said Sam. "The army and navy represent + all that is best in our country, and the people at large do not + understand the army and navy. Luckily for you, the islands will be in + charge of the army. There won't be any mistake about the kind of + liberty and equality we give you." + + "I am so grateful," said Garcia, rolling up his eyes. + + "Yes, Cleary," said Sam. "The people at home don't understand us. + Did you see that there's a bill in Congress to allow men in the ranks, + mere non-commissioned officers, to apply for commissions? If they pass + it, it will be the end of the army. Just think of a sergeant becoming + one of us! Oh, I forgot, you aren't an officer, but you must know how + I feel!" + + Cleary expressed his sympathy, and Sam bade him and his host + good-night. On his way back through a path in the jungle he thought he + heard a light step behind him, but when he looked back he could see + nothing. When he arrived at the headquarters' tent he found all the + higher officers of the army there, and Stroud whispered to him that + they had heard that Gomaldo would take the offensive the next morning, + and that consequently a general advance was ordered for daybreak in + order that they might forestall him. The general was rather taken by + surprise and his final plans were not ready, but it was arranged that + at four o'clock each regiment should advance, and that orders + containing further details would be sent to them by six o'clock at the + latest. Burton remained in the general's tent to perfect the orders, + and Sam went to the tent which he occupied with Major Stroud to enjoy a + few hours' sleep. + + "I'm afraid we're not quite ready," said Sam. + + "No army ever is," replied Stroud laconically. + + "I wish the general were a little livelier and quicker," said Sam, + blushing at his own blasphemy. + + "And thinner?" said Stroud, smiling, as he twisted his white mustache + and smoothed his imperial. "Oh, he'll do very well. He's a good solid + point to rally round and fall back on, and then we always know where to + find him, for he can't get away very far if he tries." + + At half-past three in the morning the officers of the staff were + called by a native servant and began to make their preparations. They + breakfasted as best they could on coffee without sugar or cream, and + some stale bread, with an egg apiece, and whisky. Sam felt + unaccountably sleepy, and he thought that all the rest looked sleepy + too. It was five o'clock before Burton had the orders ready for the + various subordinate commanders, telling each of them in which direction + to advance. The plan had been mapped out the night before, but the + orders had to be copied and corrected. At last he came out and + distributed them to Stroud, Sam, and several other officers--two orders + to each, yawning painfully as he handed them out. + + "I don't think I slept a wink last night," he said. + + The two commands to which Sam's orders were directed were stationed on + the extreme right of the army. He made a rough tracing of that part of + the map and set out at once on a wiry little native pony. For some + distance he followed the high-road, but then was obliged to turn into + a branch road which led through the woods, and which soon became a mere + wood-path. Before long he heard firing in front of him, and soon he + recognized the sound of whistling bullets above his head. He found + himself ducking his head involuntarily, and almost for the first time + in his life he was conscious of being afraid. This was a surprise to + him, as his thoughts during the night whenever he had been awake had + been full of pleasant anticipations. + + The path suddenly came out into an open rolling country, and Sam pulled + up his horse, dismounted, and hiding behind some underbrush, took a + look at the situation. There was a Gatling-gun, worked by a young + officer and five men, a few hundred yards to the right at the edge of + the woods. Beyond to the front he could see a line of troops firing at + the enemy from behind a wall. Of the Cubapinos he could see nothing but + the smoke of their guns and muskets here and there. Shells were falling + in another part of the field, but nowhere near him. Bullets were + flying thick through the air, and he heard them hissing constantly. As + he looked he saw one of the Gatling crew fall over, doubled up in a + heap. Sam moved along in the wood nearer to this gun, so that he might + ask where he could find the brigade commander. As he approached he + heard the lieutenant say: + + "Damn those sharp-shooters. They've got our range now. With this damned + smokeless powder they can pick us all off. Clark, bring some of that + artificial smoke stuff here." + + The soldier obeyed, and in a few moments a dense smoke rose above them, + covering the whole neighborhood. + + "What a wonderful thing these inventions are!" thought Sam, as he tied + his horse to a tree and advanced crouching toward the battery. The + lieutenant pointed out to him the position of the brigadier-general, + some distance back on the right under cover of the jungle, and told him + of a path that would take him there. Sam was not slow to follow his + directions, for just then a shell exploded close by. He soon found the + general surrounded by his staff on a partially wooded hill, from + which, however, they could command the field with their glasses. + Bullets were flying about them, and an occasional shell sailed over + their heads, but the general seemed perfectly at home. He took the + orders, opened them and read them. + + "That's strange," said he. "Last night I understood that I was to make + for that pass between the hills there on the left, and now I'm ordered + to take the first turning to the right. I don't understand it. Do you + know anything about it?" + + "No, sir." + + "Well, he must have changed his mind. Or else it was a bluff to keep + his plans from leaking out. Tell the general that I will carry out his + orders at once." + + Sam inquired of the members of the staff where he would be likely to + find the 43d Volunteers, to whose colonel his other orders were + directed, but they had no information, except that in the morning that + regiment had been stationed farther over on the right. Sam started out + again, guiding himself as best he could by a compass which he had in + his pocket. He selected the paths which seemed most promising, but the + jungle between was impenetrable on horseback. The firing on the extreme + right seemed to be farther in the rear, and he made his way in that + direction. Again he came out at the edge of the woods, and to his + surprise saw a battalion of the enemy at a short distance from him. He + turned his horse, stuck his spurs into him, and went back along the + path to the rear at a full run, while a shower of bullets fell around + him. He still kept on working to the right in the direction of the + firing which he heard in front of him. At last in a hollow of the + jungle he came upon a Red Cross station, one of those advance temporary + relief posts where the wounded who are too much injured to be taken at + once to the rear are treated. Twenty or thirty men were lying in a row, + some of them on their coats, others on the bare ground. Two surgeons + were doing what they could in the line of first aid to the injured, + binding up arms and legs, dressing wounds, and trying to stop the flow + of blood from arteries. Two soldiers were lifting a wounded man on a + stretcher so that he might be carried to the rear, and he was groaning + with agony. Every one of the patients was blotched in one place or + another with blood, and some of them were lying in pools of the crimson + fluid. Sam felt a little sick at his stomach. Two men came in with + another stretcher, bringing a wounded man from the front. The man gave + a convulsive start as they set him down. + + "A bullet's just hit him in the head," said one of the men. "I'm glad + it wasn't me." + + One of the doctors looked at the wounded man. + + "He's dead," he said. "Damn you, what do you mean by bringing dead men + here?" + + The two bearers took up their load again and dropped it out of sight in + the bushes. Sam did not like to interrupt the doctors, who were + overtasked, so he dismounted and tried to find a wounded man well + enough to answer his questions. One man at the end of the row looked + less pale than the rest, and he asked him where he could find the 43d. + + "That's my regiment, sir," he replied, as a twig, cut off by a bullet, + fell on his face. "You'd better lie down here, sir; you'll be shot if + you don't. A lot of the wounded have been hit here again." + + Sam sat down by his side. + + "Our regiment is over that way," he said, pointing in the direction of + the firing. "I don't know where the colonel is. We haven't seen him for + hours. The lieutenant-colonel is down with fever. I think the major's + in command. You ought to find him at the front. We've been falling + back, and the firing sounds nearer than it did. I'm afraid the enemy + will catch us here." + + Sam did not wait to hear anything further, but, leaving his horse tied + to a tree, he ran toward the front. He found many soldiers skulking + along the path, and they directed him to the major. He discovered him + sitting on the ground behind a stone wall. + + "Here, major, are your orders. I understand you're in command." + + "Not much," said the major. "The colonel's in command. You'd better + find him." + + "Where is he?" + + "I'm sure I don't know. I haven't seen him since six o'clock." + + "But this is your regiment, isn't it?" + + "Well, yes. It's part of it." + + Just then a young captain came running up from the front, and cried out + to his major: + + "Major, we're having a hard time of it there. Won't you come up and + take charge? I'm afraid they'll force us back." + + "No," said the major, "I won't. I'm going back there to that last + village. It's a much better place to defend. Besides I'm not feeling + well. You fellows can stay here if you like. I shan't order the + regiment back, but I'll go back and get ready for them there. We ought + to have trenches there, you know," and he got up and walked rapidly off + down the road. The captain turned to Sam. + + "I beg your pardon, captain," said he, "but what are we to do? Our + officers have given out, and we're a new regiment and haven't any + experience. Won't you take command?" + + Sam was by no means satisfied in his mind that he would behave much + better than the major, but here was an opportunity that he could not + afford to lose. + + "I'll see what I can do," said he. "Let's see what the orders are." + + He opened the document and saw that it was a direction to keep on to + the front until they arrived before the town of San Diego, which they + were to assault and capture. + + "Show me where your men are," said Sam. "Who have you got there?" + + "We've got our own regiment, the 43d, and six or eight companies of the + 72d--I don't know where they came from; and then there's a battery, and + perhaps some others." + + They hastened along the road together, urging the stragglers to join + them, which many of them did. The way became more and more encumbered + with men, and the bullets came thicker. Sam was thoroughly scared. He + could feel his legs waver at the knee, and it seemed as if a giant + hand had grasped him by the spine. They passed several musicians of + the band. + + "Start up a tune!" cried Sam. "Play something and follow us." At the + same time he instinctively thrust his hand into his breast pocket and + felt for his traveling Lares and Penates, namely, his tin soldier, his + photographs of East Point, one of Marian, and her last letter. + Meanwhile the band began to play and the bass-drummer wielded his huge + drumstick with all his might. Sam began to feel happier, and so did the + men about him. One of the musicians suddenly fell, struck dead by a + bullet, and just then a shell burst over them and two or three men went + down. With one accord the soldiers began to curse and swear in the most + frightful manner and to insist on speedy vengeance. Sam was surprised + to find himself enjoying the oaths. They just expressed his feelings, + and he hurried on to the edge of the woods. In front of them they saw a + line of their own men lying on the ground behind stones and logs, + shooting at the enemy, whose line could be distinguished hardly more + than a third of a mile away. + + "They're nearer than they were," whispered the captain. "We must push + them back or they'll have us. The men on the firing line are getting + scared." + + "We must scare them behind more than the enemy does in front," said + Sam, drawing his revolver. "Here you, sir, get back into your place." + + A man in the ranks, who was beginning to creep back, saw the revolver + and dropped back in his position with an oath. + + "Forward!" cried Sam, now thoroughly in the spirit of the occasion. + "Come up to the front, all of you, and extend our line there to the + right. Lie down and take careful aim with every shot." + + The men did as they were told, and Sam took up his position behind the + line with the captain, both of them standing in a perfect gale of + bullets, while all the rest were lying down. + + "Lie down," said Sam to the captain. "You've no business to risk your + life like that." + + "How about yours, sir?" said the captain, as he obeyed. + + "I'll take care of myself, if you'll be good enough to let me," + answered Sam. + + The presence of a staff officer gave new courage to the men, and their + marksmanship began to have effect on the enemy, who were seen to be + gradually falling back. Sam took this opportunity to move his line + forward, and he sent a lieutenant to direct the battery to cover his + men when they should charge on the enemy's line. He moved his line + forward in this way successively three or four times, and the troops + were now thoroughly encouraged, and some of them even asked to be + allowed to charge. Sam, however, postponed this final act as long as he + could. It was not until he saw the captain whom he had met in the woods + mangled and instantly killed by a piece of shell that he became so + angry that he could restrain himself no longer. He gave the order to + fix bayonets, and with a yell the men rose from their lairs and rushed + over the intervening ground to the enemy's position. The Cubapinos did + not wait for them, but turned and ran precipitously. Sam and his men + followed them for at least a mile, when they made a stand again. + + "They're in the trenches now that they were in this morning," explained + a lieutenant. + + Here the same tactics were renewed, and in another half-hour Sam + ordered his men to charge again. This time the enemy waited longer, and + many of the attacking party fell, but before they reached the trenches + the Cubapinos took flight, and Sam saw his soldiers bayonet the last + two or three of them in the back. There were a good many dead in the + trenches, all of them shot through the head. It was a proud moment for + Sam when he stood on the edge of the trench and planted Old Gory there + while the men cheered. A wounded Cubapino lay just before him, and one + of the soldiers kicked him in the head and killed him. Sam noticed it, + and was a little startled to find that it seemed all right to him. + + "I've half a mind to kick the next wounded man I see," he thought. "It + must be rather good sport"; but he did not do it. + + The rest of the fight was in the nature of a procession. They pursued + the flying Cubapinos as fast as they could, but were unable to come up + with them. In a native village through which they passed, Sam asked an + old man, who had been too weak to get away, how far off San Diego was, + and learned that it was five miles away to the left. He could not + understand this, but still he kept on in that direction. As they left + the village it burst into flames, for the last soldiers had set it on + fire. Sam thought of the old man perishing in his hut, and it seemed to + him a fine thing and quite natural. On their way they came across other + bodies of troops who joined them, and it so happened that no one came + forward of superior rank to Sam, and consequently he retained the + command. Before they came in sight of San Diego he had quite a brigade + under him. He halted them in front of the town and sent out a scouting + party. There was no sound of firing now except in the distance. In an + hour the scouting party came back and reported that the place had been + vacated by the enemy, who for some reason had been seized by a panic. + Sam ordered the advance to be resumed, and late in the afternoon found + himself in possession of San Diego. He began to take measures at once + to fortify the place, when the brigadier-general whom he had seen in + the morning marched in with his brigade and took over the command from + him, congratulating him on his success, which was already the talk of + the army. Sam turned over the command to him with much grace and + dignity, and, borrowing a horse, set off for the old headquarters which + he had left in the morning, for he learned that, altho the enemy were + completely defeated and scattered, still the general would not move his + headquarters forward to the front till the following day. + + The general received him with great cordiality. + + "Everything turned out just as I planned it," he said, "but, Captain, + you helped us out at a critical point there on the right. I shall + mention you in despatches. You may depend on being promoted and given a + good post. You ought to have a regiment at least." + + Sam was taking his supper when Cleary came in, hot and grimy. + + "Well, you're a great fellow," he said, "to get away from me the way + you did this morning. But didn't I tell you, you were the stuff? Why, + you won the battle. Do you know that you turned their left flank?" + + "To tell the truth, I didn't know it," said Sam. + + "Well, you did." + + "But the general planned everything," said Sam. + + "Yes," said Cleary, "but I'll tell you more about that. I'm doing some + detective work, and I'll have something to tell you in a day or two. + But I wish I'd been with you. I had my kodak all ready. However, they + can make up the pictures at home. How's this for headlines?" and he + took some notes from his pocket. "'Great Victory at San Diego. Captain + Jinks Turns Defeat into Victory. Hailed as Hero Jinks by the Army. + General Laughter's Plans Carried Out through the Young Hero's + Co-operation.' What do you think of that? We'll put the part about the + general in small caps, because he's not quite solid with the trust. I'm + not going to write up anybody but you and the Mounted Mustangs; those + are my orders." + + "How did the Mustangs make out?" asked Sam. "They were way off on the + left, and I haven't heard anything about them." + + "They did very decently," said Cleary, "considering they were never + under fire before. They kept up pretty well with the regulars, and + fortunately they had a regular regiment on each side. They really + did well." + + "Did they make any fine cavalry charges?" inquired Sam. + + "Cavalry charges! Bless your heart, they didn't have any horses, and + it's lucky they didn't. They had their hands full without having to + manage any horses!" + + + + + CHAPTER VIII + + Among the Moritos + + [Illustration] + + + On the following day headquarters were moved into San Diego. Sam was + lodged in the town hall with the general, and Cleary got rooms close + by. There were rumors of renewed activity on the part of the Cubapinos, + but it was thought that their resistance for the future would be of a + guerrilla nature. There was, however, one savage tribe to the north + which had terrorized a large district of country, and the general + decided that it must be subdued. Sam heard of this plan, but did not + know whether he would be sent on the expedition or not, and urged + Cleary to use his influence so that he might be one of the party. + + "I'll manage it for you, old man," said Cleary, two or three days after + the battle. "I've got the general in a tight place, and all I've got to + do is to let him know it and he'll do whatever I want." + + "What do you mean?" + + "Why, he had about as much to do with the San Diego fight as the man in + the moon." + + "What?" + + "Well, I'll tell you the story. I've run down every clue and here it + is. You see somehow Colonel Burton got the orders mixed up that morning + and addressed every one of them to the wrong general." + + "Is it possible?" exclaimed Sam. "That explains why they couldn't + understand the orders there in the Third Brigade, and why I took all + day to find San Diego. I wonder if it's true. Why on earth didn't + Gomaldo win then? It must have been a close call." + + "It's plain enough why he didn't win," said Cleary. "That chap Garcia + was one of his spies, and a clever one too. He got all he could out of + you and me, but that wasn't much. Then he had the native servant of the + general in his pay. As soon as you left on the night before the battle + he cleared out too, and he got a statement from the native servant of + all the general intended to do. He got the news to Gomaldo by midnight, + and before sunrise the Cubapino forces were ready to meet each of our + columns when they advanced. They had ambushes prepared for each of + them. If the orders had gone out straight we'd have been cleaned out, + that's my opinion. But you see, they all went wrong and the columns + advanced along different roads, and poor Gomaldo's plans all went to + pot. I believe he had Garcia hanged for deceiving him. You haven't seen + the general's servant since the battle, have you?" + + "Now that you speak of it, I don't think I have," said Sam. "But he's + a great general all the same, don't you think so?" + + "Of course," answered Cleary. + + "I wonder if all battles are won like that?" said Sam. + + "I half think they are," said his friend. "And then the generals smile + and say, 'I told you so.'" + + "Cleary," said Sam, "I want you to answer me one question honestly." + + "Out with it." + + "Did I have much to do with winning that battle or not?" + + "To tell the honest truth, Sam, between me and you, I don't know + whether you did or not. But _The Lyre_ will say that you did, and that + will settle it for history." + + Sam sighed and made no other reply. + + The expedition against the Moritos started out a week later. It + consisted of two regiments, one of colored men under a certain Colonel + James, the other of white volunteers, with a brigadier-general in + command. Sam was assigned to the command of the volunteer regiment + with the temporary rank of major, its colonel having been wounded at + the battle of San Diego. For a whole day they marched northward + unmolested, and encamped at night in a valley in the mountains with a + small native village as headquarters. There had been little incident + during the day. They had burned several villages and driven off a good + many cattle for meat. Sam was surprised to see how handsome the + furniture was in the little thatched cottages of the people, perched as + they were on posts several feet high. It was a feast day, and the whole + population had been in the streets in their best clothes. The soldiers + snatched the jewels of the women and chased the men away, and then + looted the houses, destroying what they could not take, and finally + setting them on fire. + + "It's better so," said Sam to his adjutant. "Make war as bad as + possible and people will keep the peace. We are the real peacemakers." + + He heard shouts and cries as he passed through the villages, and had + reason to think that the soldiers were not contented with mere + looting, but he did not inquire. He took his supper with the general at + his headquarters. Colonel James and Cleary ate with them, for Cleary + was still true to his friend's fortunes and determined to follow him + everywhere. After an evening of smoking and chatting, Sam, Cleary, and + Colonel James bade the general good-night and started for their + quarters, which lay in the same direction. It was a gorgeous moonlight + night, such a night as only the tropics can produce, and they sauntered + slowly along the mountain road, enjoying the scene. + + "There is a question that I have been wanting to ask you, Colonel," + said Sam to Colonel James as they walked on together. "What do you + think of darkies as soldiers? I have never seen much of them, and as + you have a negro regiment, you must know all about it." + + "Well, the truth is, Major," responded the colonel, "I wouldn't have + my opinion get out for a good deal, but I'll tell you in confidence. + They make much better soldiers than white men, that's the long and + short of it." + + "How can you explain that? It's most surprising!" cried Sam. + + "Well, they're more impressible, for one thing. You can work them up + into any kind of passion you want to. Then they're more submissive to + discipline; they're used to being ordered about and kicked and cuffed, + and they don't mind it. Besides, they're accustomed from their low + social position to be subordinate to superiors, and rather expect it + than not. They are all poor, too, and used to poor food and ragged + clothes and no comforts, and of course they don't complain of what they + get from us." + + "You mean," said Cleary, "that the lower a man is in the scale of + society the better soldier he makes." + + "Well," answered the colonel, "I hadn't ever put it just in that light, + but that's about the size of it. These darkies are great hands at + carrying concealed weapons, too. If it isn't a razor it's something + else, and if there's a row going on they will get mixed up in it, but + they're none the worse as soldiers for that." + + "Let's go up to that point there and take the moonlight view before we + turn in," suggested Cleary. + + The others agreed, and they began to climb a path leading up to the + right. It was much more of a climb than they had expected, and when + they had become quite blown they sat down to recover their breath. + + "I think we'd better go back," said Colonel James. "We may lose our + way, and it isn't safe here. The Moritos are known to be thick in these + mountains, and they might find us." + + "Oh, let's go a little farther," said Cleary, and they set out to + climb again. + + "The path seems to stop here," said Sam, who was in the lead. "This + must be the top, but I don't see any place for a view. Perhaps we'd + better go back." + + Cleary did not repeat his objection, and they began to retrace their + steps. For some time they went on in silence. + + "The path begins to go up-hill here," said Cleary, who now led. "I + don't understand this. We didn't go down-hill at all." + + "I think we did for a short distance," answered Sam. + + They went on, still ascending. + + "There doesn't seem to be any path here," said Cleary. "Do you see it?" + + His companions were obliged to admit that they did not. + + "We'd better call for help," said Sam, and the three men began to shout + at the top of their voices, but there was no reply. An hour must have + elapsed while they were engaged in calling, and their voices became + husky, but all in vain. + + "Hist!" said Cleary at last. "I think I hear some one coming. I heard + the branches move. They have sent out for us, thank fortune! I didn't + like the idea of sleeping out here and making the acquaintance of + snakes and catching fevers." + + The words, were hardly out of his mouth when three shadowy figures + sprang out of the bushes and grasped each of the three men from + behind, holding their elbows back so that they could not use their + arms, and in a moment a veritable swarm of long-haired, half-clad + Moritos were upon them, pinioning them and emptying their pockets and + belts. It was quite useless to make any resistance, the attack had been + too sudden and unexpected. Cleary cried out once, but they made him + understand that, if he did it again, they would stab him with one of + their long knives. When the captives were securely bound, the captors + began to discuss the situation in their own language, which was the + only language they understood. There was evidently some difference of + opinion, but after a few minutes they came to some kind of an + agreement. The legs of the prisoners were unbound, and they were made + to march through the jungle, each one with two guards behind him, who + pricked him with their lances if he did not move fast enough. Their + only other arms seemed to be bows and arrows. The march was a very + weary one, and through a wild, mountainous country which would have + been impassable for men who did not know it thoroughly. Occasionally + they seemed to be following obscure paths, but as often there was no + sign of a track, and the thick, tropical vegetation made progress + difficult. For an hour or two they climbed up the half-dry bed of a + mountain torrent, and more than once they were ankle-deep in swampy + ground. The Moritos passed through the jungle with the agility and + noiselessness of cats, but the three white men floundered along as best + they could. Their captors uttered never a word and would not allow them + to speak. + + The sun was just rising over a wilderness of mountains when they came + to a small clearing in the woods, apparently upon a plateau near the + top of a mountain. In this clearing there were a number of isolated + trees, in each one of which, at about twenty feet above the ground, + was a native hut, looking like a huge bird's nest. A small crowd of + natives, including women and children, ran toward them shouting, and + now for the first time the men of the returning party began to talk + too. Some of them tied the legs of their prisoners again and sat them + down on the ground, while the others rehearsed the history of their + exploit. It was a curious scene to witness. The men as well as the + women wore their long, coarse hair loose to the waist. Some of the + men had feathers stuck in their hair, and all of them were grotesquely + tattooed. + + "I wonder if they're cannibals?" said Cleary, for there seemed to be an + opportunity now for conversation. + + "I don't think there are any in this part of the country," said Colonel + James. "Here comes our breakfast anyway." + + All the inhabitants of the village had been inspecting the captives + with great interest, especially the women and children. Two women now + came running from the group of tree-houses with platters of meat, and + the crowd opened to let them approach. + + "Don't ask what it is," said Cleary, as he gulped down his rations. + + "I can't eat it!" cried Sam. + + "Oh, you must, or you'll offend them," said Colonel James. + + And they completed their repast with wry faces. When they had finished, + one of the warriors, whom they had noticed before on account of his + comparative height and the magnificence of his decorations, came up to + them and addressed them, to their great surprise, in Castalian. He + explained to them that he was the famous savage chief, Carlos, who as + head of the Moritos ruled the entire region, and that they were + prisoners of war; that he had learned Castalian as a boy from a + missionary in the mountains when the land was at peace; and that a + palaver would be held on the following day, to which the heads of the + neighboring villages would be invited, to determine what to do with + them. He showed special interest in Sam's red hair and mustache, and + smoothed them and pulled them, asking him if they had been dyed. When + he was informed that they were not, he was filled with admiration and + called up his favorites to examine this wonder of nature. Sam had + noticed that from the moment of his arrival he had been the object of + admiration of the women, and this fact was now accounted for. + + The three prisoners had no reason to complain of their treatment during + the day. A guard was set upon them, but the ropes by which they were + tied were loosened, and they were allowed from time to time to walk + about. Most of the morning they passed in much-needed sleep. In the + afternoon Carlos visited them again with some of his men, and set to + work to satisfy his curiosity as to their country, translating their + answers to his friends. His Castalian was very bad, but so was that of + his captives; yet they succeeded in making themselves understood + without difficulty. + + "Do you have houses as high as those?" he asked, pointing to the human + nests in the trees. + + "Yes, indeed," said Cleary. "Near my home there is a house nearly a + quarter of a mile long and twice as high as that tree, and nine hundred + people live in it." + + There were murmurs of astonishment as this information was translated. + + "What is that great house for?" asked the chief. + + "It's a lunatic asylum." + + "What is that?" + + "A house for lunatics to live in." + + "But what is a lunatic?" + + Cleary tried in vain to explain what a lunatic was. The Moritos had + never seen one. + + "We have plenty of such houses at home," said Sam, "and we have had to + double their size in ten years to hold the lunatics; they are splendid + buildings. There was one not very far from the college where my friend + and I were educated. But some of our prisons are even larger than our + lunatic asylums." + + "What is a prison," asked Carlos. + + "Oh," said Sam, "don't you understand that either? It's a house in + which we lock up criminals--I mean men who kill us or rob us." + + "Oh, I see," replied Carlos. "You mean your enemies whom you take + prisoner in battle." + + "No, I don't. I mean our own fellow citizens who murder and steal." + + "Do you mean that you sometimes kill each other and steal from each + other, your own tribe?" + + "Yes," said Sam. "Of course people who do so are bad men, but there are + some such among us." + + A great discussion arose among the natives after hearing this. + + "What do they say?" asked Colonel James in Castalian. + + "They say," said the chief, "that they can not believe this, as they + have never heard of members of the same tribe hurting each other." + + "We do all we can to prevent it," said Sam. "In our cities we have + policemen to keep order; that is, we have soldiers stationed in the + streets to frighten the bad men." + + "Do you have soldiers in the streets of your towns to keep you from + killing each other!" exclaimed the chief, in astonishment. "Who ever + heard of such a thing? I do not understand it," and, altho Sam repeated + the information in every conceivable way permitted by his limited + vocabulary, he was unable successfully to convey the idea. + + "It is strange how uncivilized they are," he said to his friends. + + "Do you live on bananas in your country?" asked Carlos. + + "No; we eat them sometimes, but we live on grain and meat," said Sam. + + "You must have to work very hard to get it." + + "Yes, we do, sometimes twelve hours a day." + + "How frightful! And is there enough for all to eat?" + + "Not always." + + "And are your people happy when they work so hard and are sometimes + hungry?" + + "Not always," said Sam. "Sometimes people are so unhappy that they + commit suicide." + + "What?" + + "I mean they kill themselves." + + There was now another heated discussion. + + "What do they say?" asked Colonel James. + + "They say that they did not know it was possible for people to kill + themselves. I did not know it either. It is very strange." + + "What limited intelligences they have!" exclaimed Sam. + + "They say," continued Carlos, in a somewhat embarrassed manner, "that + if you are condemned to death, they wish one of you would kill himself, + so that they can see how it is done." + + "There's a chance for you, Sam," said Cleary, but Sam did not seem to + see the joke. + + "I am very sorry," said Carlos, seating himself nearer to Sam, "I am + very sorry that we may have to kill you, for I like you; but what can + we do? It is a rule of our tribe to kill prisoners of war." + + "I really don't see what they can do, if that is the case," said Sam in + English. "If that is their law, and they have always done it, of course + from their point of view it is their military duty. I don't see any way + out of it. Do you?" + + "It wouldn't break my heart if they failed to do their duty in this + case," said Cleary. "For heaven's sake, don't tell him what you think. + Let's keep him feeling agreeable by our conversation. He's fallen in + love with you, Sam. Perhaps he'll give you to one of his daughters and + she may marry you or eat you, whichever she pleases." + + "I wish you wouldn't joke about these things," said Sam. "It's a + serious piece of business. There's no glory in being tomahawked here in + the mountains." + + "And I haven't got my kodak with me either," said Cleary. + + "What made you come into my country?" asked Carlos. "Did you not know + how powerful I am? And what have I ever done against you?" + + "We came because we were ordered to," said Sam. + + "And do you do what you are ordered to, whether you approve of it or + not?" + + "Of course we do." + + "That is very strange," said Carlos. "We never obey anybody unless we + want to and think he is doing the right thing. I tell my men here what + I want to do, and if they agree to it they obey me, but if they don't I + give it up. But you do things that you think are wrong and foolish + because you are ordered to. It is very strange!" + + "We are military men," said Sam. "It requires centuries of civilization + to understand us." + + "How do you kill your prisoners?" asked Carlos. + + "We don't kill them," answered Sam. + + "I don't know about that, Sam," said Cleary in English. "We didn't take + many prisoners at San Diego." + + "That's a fact," answered Sam, in the same language. "We didn't take + many. I never thought of that." + + "Don't tell him, tho," added Cleary. + + "But when you soldiers have to execute an enemy for any reason, how do + you do it?" + + "We shoot them with rifles," said Sam. + + "Is that all?" + + "No; we make them dig their graves first," interposed Cleary. "That's a + hint to him," he whispered. "It's better than the stew pot." + + "Dig their graves first!" exclaimed the chief, and he turned to his men + and explained the matter to them. They were evidently delighted. + + "What are they saying?" asked James again. + + "They say that that is a grand idea, and that they will adopt it. They + think civilization is a great thing, and they want to be civilized," + said Carlos. + + "There, I knew they weren't cannibals!" said the colonel. + + There was silence for several minutes, and Carlos smoothed Sam's locks + with his hand. + + "We must entertain him," said Cleary. "Say something, Sam, or he'll get + down on us." + + "Say something yourself," said Sam, who was thoroughly vexed at his + friend's ill-timed flippancy. + + "Does your tribe live in these mountains and nowhere else?" asked + Cleary. + + "Oh, no. We have brothers everywhere. They are in all the islands, and + all over the world." + + "You tell them by your language, I suppose." + + "No, some of them do not speak our language. That makes no difference. + We tell our brothers in other ways." + + "How?" said Cleary. + + "There are four marks of the true Morito," said the chief. "Their young + men are initiated by torture. That is one mark. Then their chief men + wear feathers on their heads. That is the second. And the third mark is + that they are tattooed, as I am," and he pointed to the strange figures + on his naked chest; "and the fourth is that they all use the sacred + tom-tom when they dance." + + "Sam," said Cleary, "have you got those East Point photographs in your + pocket?" + + "Yes," said Sam, thrusting his hand into his bosom. + + Cleary rolled over to Carlos as well as his ropes would allow, threw + his arms about his neck, and cried out in Castalian, "Oh, my + brother, my long-lost brother!" + + [Illustration: TWO OF A KIND + "THERE ARE FOUR MARKS"] + + There was a general commotion. The savages drew their knives, and for a + moment there seemed to be danger for the prisoners. + + "What on earth are you trying to do, Mr. Cleary?" exclaimed Colonel + James. "It seems to me that your pleasantries are in very doubtful + taste while our lives are in the balance." + + Cleary made no answer, but went on crying, "Oh, my brothers, my + long-lost brothers!" + + "What do you mean?" ejaculated Carlos, in a rage. "I will give you one + minute in which to explain, and then your head will fall." + + "We are your brothers. We are Moritos. We are your people from a + distant island, and you never knew it!" + + "Is this true?" asked the chief, looking at Sam and the colonel. + + "Swear to it," whispered Cleary. + + "We swear that it is true," replied the two officers. + + "Then prove it, or you shall all three die to-night. I am not to be + trifled with. Proceed." + + "Senor," said Cleary, "you have said that you recognize Morito young + men by the fact that they have passed through the torture. We have + passed through the torture. My friend will show you the pictures taken + of both of us when we were about to be burned at the stake, and also + one of himself passing through the ordeal of water. Sam, show him the + photos." + + Sam took the two pictures from his pocket and handed them to Cleary, + who held them in his hand while Carlos peered over his shoulder. + + "You see here," he said, "that we are tied to the stake. You may + recognize our features. You see the expression of pain on our faces. + These men standing around are our elder brothers who initiated us. It + was done by night in a sacred grove where our ancestors have indulged + in these rites for many ages. That wall is part of a ruin of a temple + to the god of war." + + Carlos evidently was impressed. He took the dim print, with its fitful + lantern-light effects, and studied it, comparing the faces with those + of his prisoners. Then he showed it to his followers, and they all + spoke together. + + "They say," said their chief at last, "that they believe you speak the + truth. But how do we know that the old man was initiated too?" + + "He is an old man," said Cleary. "He had a picture like this in his + pocket when he was young. We all carry them with us as long as they + hold together. But they will wear out. You may see that this one is + wearing out already." + + "That is true," assented the chief. "But your picture proves against + you as well as for you. You have no feathers in your heads there, and + you are wearing none now," and he proudly straightened up those on his + head. + + "In our country we have not many feathers as you have here," answered + Cleary. "The birds do not come often to that land, it is so cold. Only + our greatest men wear feathers. When we reach home and grow old and + wise and valiant, perhaps we shall all have feathers. This old warrior + of ours has feathers at home, but he does not carry them on journeys. + My young friend and I are yet too young. We have a picture of our old + friend here with his feathers." + + "Good heavens!" exclaimed Sam. "What are you driving at. We'll be worse + off than ever now." + + "Just you let me manage this affair," said Cleary. "Give me that photo + of the dress-parade at East Point that you showed me last week." + + Sam did as he was told. It represented the dress-parade at sunset, the + companies drawn up in line at parade-rest and the band in full blast + going through its evolutions in the foreground, with a peculiarly + magnificent drum-major in bear-skin hat and plumes at the head, + swinging a gorgeous baton. + + Cleary exhibited it to Carlos. + + "There is our elderly friend," said he, indicating the drum-major. "He + is leading the national war-dance of our people. There is the tom-tom," + he added triumphantly, pointing at the bass-drum, which was + fortunately presented in full relief. + + Carlos was taken aback, and he made a guttural exclamation of surprise. + + "Do you dress like that when you are at home?" he asked of Colonel + James. + + "I do," replied the colonel majestically. + + "Then I bow down before you," said the chief, kneeling down and + touching the ground with his forehead three times. "But," he added, as + he rose to his feet, "you have not yet proved that we are brothers. + Where are your tattoo-marks? Look at mine!" + + "Sam, strip," whispered Cleary, and Sam tore off his coat and shirt, + displaying the masterpieces of the artistic boatswain. A cry of + admiration went up from the assembled savages. Carlos rushed at + him, threw his arms about his neck, and rubbed his nose violently + against his. + + "For heaven's sake, save me, Cleary!" cried Sam. "My nose will be worse + than Saunder's, and Marian is prejudiced against damaged noses." + + Cleary thought it best not to interfere, and finally the chief grew + tired of this exercise. He hardly paid any attention while Cleary + showed the modest tattoo-marks on his arms, and Colonel James exhibited + equally insignificant symbols on his, for he, too, had been tattooed in + his youth. He was too much engrossed in Sam's red hair and his + variegated cuticle. + + "Here is the picture of the water-ordeal which you forgot to look at," + said Cleary, as he collected the photographs. "This is my friend again + with his head in the water and his legs stretched out in supplication + to the god of the temple." + + Carlos looked at it in ecstasy. + + "Oh, my brothers!" he cried. "To think that I should not have known + you! You torture each other just as we do. You are tattooed just as we + are! You have bigger feathers and bigger dances and bigger tom-toms. + You are bigger savages than we are! Come, let us feast together." + + The repast was soon prepared in the center of the clearing. The + prisoners, now unbound, washed and happy, were seated in the place of + honor on each side of the chief. A huge pot of miscellaneous food was + set down in the midst, and they all began to eat with their fingers, + the chief picking out the tid-bits for his guests and putting them in + their mouths. They were so much delighted with the results of the day's + work that they ate heartily and asked no questions. When the meal was + over, Cleary turned to the chief and thanked him in a little oration, + which was received with great favor. + + "We have found our brothers," he said in conclusion, "and you have + found yours. You believe us now when we say that we have come to bless + you and not to injure you. We will not take your land. We will + generously give you part of it for yourselves. You see how we all love + you, the aged warrior and the red-headed chief as well as I. Why will + you not come with us when we set out on our journey to our great chief, + or why, at any rate, will you not send your chiefs with us, to tell + him that you have received us all as brothers and that we shall always + be friends and allies?" + + Carlos translated this speech sentence by sentence. Cleary was a good + speaker, and they were impressed by his style as well as by his + argument. They palavered together for some time; then Carlos arose + and addressed his guests, but particularly Sam, whom he considered + as the leader. + + "Brothers," he said, "we are indeed brothers by the torture, tattoo, + tom-tom, and top-feather. We did not know who you were, we did not + understand you. We wished to be left in peace. We did not want to have + the Castalians come here and rob us. We did not want their beads and + their brandy. We wanted to be let alone. But you are our brothers. You + are greater savages than we are. Why should we not go with you? The + chiefs of our other villages are coming to-morrow at sunrise. I will + conduct you back to your great chief with them, and we shall all + rejoice together." + + It was now nearly dark. Carlos apologized for not having accommodation + for his guests in his tree-hut, but provided comfortable blankets on + the ground and had a fire built for them in a secluded place near the + village. The three men were soon sleeping peacefully, and they did not + awake until the sun had already risen. + + + + + CHAPTER IX + + On Duty at Havilla + + [Illustration] + + + When they woke they heard the noise of voices in the village and + hastened thither. The chiefs had already arrived and were exchanging + greetings with Carlos and the other residents. Breakfast was prepared + by the women on the same ground where they had dined, and by eight + o'clock the expedition started, composed of some thirty warriors, + several of whom were laden with presents in the shape of baskets and + native cloth. When they neared the headquarters of the little invading + army, the three white men went ahead and informed the sentinels that it + was a peaceful embassy which followed them. + + "You must leave me to tell the story of our exploit," Cleary had said, + and his friends were so well satisfied with his record as a talker that + they assented. + + "General," said Cleary, as they entered his hut in the village, "we are + bringing in all the chiefs of the Moritos. They are ready to lay down + their arms and accept any terms. We have sworn friendship to them." + + "How on earth have you managed it?" said the general. + + "It is chiefly due to Captain Jinks, or, I should say, Major Jinks. + They were about to kill us when, by the sheer force of his glance + and his powers of speech, he actually cowed them, and they submitted + to him." + + "I have heard of taming wild beasts that way," said the general, "but + I never quite believed it." + + When the chiefs arrived they embraced every soldier they saw and showed + every sign of joy. The general ordered a feast to be spread for them + and addressed them in English. They did not understand a word of this + harangue, but seemed much affected. When they heard that the great + general of all was at San Diego, only a day's march away, they insisted + on going thither, and the next day the brigade marched back again, + leaving a small garrison behind. The army at San Diego could hardly + believe its eyes when at sundown the expedition returned, having fully + accomplished its object without firing a shot and accompanied by a band + of Moritos. When Cleary's version of the exploit became known, Sam was + openly acclaimed as a hero and the favorite of the army. General + Laughter complimented him again, and again mentioned him in despatches. + A week later his promotion to be major of volunteers, for meritorious + conduct in the field of San Diego, was announced by cable, and again + after a few days he was made a colonel. Sam's cup was full. + + "Sam," said Cleary one day, "I believe in your luck. You'll be + President some of these days. All the time we were up in the mountains + I knew it would come out all right because we had you along." + + Meanwhile the chiefs had tendered their presents to General Laughter + and had drunk plentiful libations of whisky and soda with him. They + spent a week of festivity in the town and then returned, having agreed + to all that was asked of them by their "brothers." + + The rainy season now set in, and operations in the field became + difficult. Furthermore, the general had decided that the war was at an + end, and officially it was so considered. Some troops were left at San + Diego, but the headquarters were removed again to Havilla, and Sam went + back with the staff. He found himself received as a great man. His two + exploits had made him the most famous officer in the army, even more so + than the general in command. Soon after his return to the city one of + the civil commissioners, who had been sent out by the Administration, + gave a large dinner in his honor at the palace. The chief officers and + civil officials were among the guests, as well as two or three native + merchants who had remained loyal to the invading army for financial and + commercial reasons and had not joined the rebels, who composed + nine-tenths of the population. These merchants were generally known in + the army as the "patriots," and were treated with much consideration by + the civil commissioners. + + After dinner the host proposed a toast to Sam and accompanied it with a + patriotic speech which thrilled the hearts of his audience. He pointed + to the national flag which was festooned upon the wall. + + "Look at Old Gory!" he cried. "What does she stand for? For the rights + of the oppressed all over the earth, for freedom and equal rights, + for----" + + There was a sound of boisterous laughter in the next room. A young + officer ran forward and whispered to the orator, "Be careful; some of + those captured rebel officers are shut up in there, and perhaps they + can overhear you. Be careful what you say. Some of them speak English." + The commissioner hemmed and hawed and tried to recover himself. + + "What does the dear old flag stand for?" he repeated. "For + liber--No--for-r-r----Well, 'pon my word, what does she stand for?" + + "For the army and navy," whispered a neighbor. + + "Yes," he thundered. "Yes, the flag stands for the army and navy, for + our officers and men, for our men-of-war and artillery, for our cavalry + and infantry, that's what she stands for!" + + This was received with great applause, and the speaker smiled with + satisfaction. Then gradually his expression became sad. + + "I am sorry to say," he said,--"I am ashamed as a citizen of our great + land to be obliged to admit, that there are at home a few + craven-hearted, mean-spirited men--shall I call them men? No, nor even + women--there are creatures, I say, who disapprove of our glorious + deeds, who spurn the flag and the noble principles for which it stands + and to which I have alluded, who say that we have no business to take + away land which belongs to other people, and that we have not the right + to slaughter rebels and traitors in our midst. I appeal to the + patriotic Cubapinos at this board, if we are not introducing a higher + and nobler civilization into these islands." + + The native gentlemen bowed assent. + + "Have we not given them a better language than their own? Have we not + established our enlightened institutions? For instance, let me cite the + custom house. We have the collector here with us--and the post-office. + The postmaster is----" + + "Sh-sh-sh!" whispered the prompter again. "He's in jail." + + "I mean the assistant postmaster is also with us. And there are our + other institutions, the----" + + "There's going to be a prize-fight to-night," cried a young lieutenant + who had taken too much wine, at the foot of the table. "Dandy Sullivan + against Joe Corker." + + This interruption was too much for the commissioner, who was quite + unable to resume the thread of his remarks for several moments. The + guests in the mean time moved uneasily in their seats, for most of them + were anxious to be off to see the fight. + + "Those who carp against us at home," continued the speaker, trying in + vain to find some graceful way of coming to a close, "those who + dishonor the flag are the men who pretend to be filled with humanity + and to desire the welfare of mankind. They pretend to object to + bloodshed. They are mere sentimentalists. They are not practical men. + They do not understand our destiny, nor the Constitution, nor progress, + nor civilization, nor glory, nor honor, nor the dear old flag, God + bless her. They are sentimentalists. They have no sense of humor." + + Here the audience applauded loudly, altho the speaker had not intended + to have them applaud just there. It occurred to him that he might just + as well stop at this point, and he sat down, not altogether satisfied, + however, with his peroration and vexed to think that he had forgotten + Sam altogether. The party broke up without delay, and Sam walked off + with Cleary, who had been present, to see the prize-fight. + + "The commissioner isn't much of a talker, is he?" said Cleary. "That + was a bad break about the postmaster. I hear they've arrested Captain + Jones for embezzlement too." + + "Good heavens!" cried Sam, "what an outrage!" And he told Cleary of his + narrow escape from complicity in the matter, and how the military + operations had prevented him from calling on the contractors. + "Civilians don't understand these things," he added. "They oughtn't to + send them out here. They don't understand things." + + "No. They haven't been brought up on tabasco sauce. What can you expect + of them?" + + They soon arrived at the Alhambra Theater at which the fight was to + take place, and found it in progress. A large crowd was collected, + consisting of soldiers and natives in equal proportions. The last round + was just finishing, and Joe Corker was in the act of knocking his + opponent out. The audience was shouting with glee and excitement, the + cheers being mixed with hisses and cries of "Fake, fake!" + + "I know Corker," said Cleary. "Come, I'll introduce you." + + They pushed forward through the crowd, and were soon in a room behind + the stage, where Corker was being rubbed and washed down by his + assistants. Sam looked at the great man and felt rather small and + insignificant. "Here's a kind of civilian who is not inferior to army + men," he thought. "Perhaps he is even superior." He would not have said + this aloud, but he thought it. + + "How de do, Joe?" said Cleary, shaking hands. "That was a great fight. + You knocked him out clean. Here's my friend, Colonel Jinks, the hero of + San Diego and the pacifier of the Moritos." + + Corker nodded condescendingly. + + "We enjoyed the fight very much," said Sam, not altogether at his ease. + "It reminded me of my own experience at East Point." + + "It was a good fight," said Corker, "and a damned fair one too. I'd + like to punch the heads of those fellers who cried 'fake.' It was as + fair as fair could be, and Dandy and me was as evenly matched as two + peas. I always believe in takin' a feller of your size, and I did." + + "That wasn't the way at East Point," said Cleary. "They didn't take + fellows of their size there." + + "That's against our rules anyway," said Corker. + + "It must be a civilian rule," said Sam, beginning to feel his + superiority again. "The military rule as we were taught it at East + Point was to take a smaller man if you could, and you see, the army + does just the same thing. We tackled Castalia and then the Cubapines, + and they weren't of our size. We don't fight the powerful countries." + + "That's queer," said Corker, drinking a lemonade. + + "It's perfectly right," said Sam. "When a man's in the right, and of + course we always are, if he fights a man of his size or one bigger than + he is, he gives the wrong a chance of winning, and that is clearly + immoral. If he takes a weaker man he makes the truth sure of success. + And it's just the same way with nations." + + Corker did not seem to be much interested by this disquisition, and + Cleary dragged his friend away after they had respectfully bade the + pugilist good-night. A crowd of soldiers was waiting outside to see + Corker get into his carriage. They paid no attention whatever to Sam + and Cleary. + + "When it comes to real glory a prize-fighter beats a colonel all + hollow," said Cleary, and they parted for the night. + + Sam was retained on the general staff and assigned to the important + post of censor of the press. His duties were most engrossing, for not + only were the proofs of all the local newspapers submitted to him, but + also all other printed matter. One day a large number of handbills + were confiscated at a printer's and brought in for his inspection. He + was very busy and asked his native private secretary to look them over + for him. In a half-hour he came to him with a translation of the + document. + + "What does it say?" cried Sam. "I have no time to read it through." + + "It says that governments are made to preserve liberty, and that they + get their only authority from the free will of the people who are ruled + by them," answered the clerk. + + "That's clearly seditious," said Sam. "There must be some plot at + the bottom of it. Have the whole edition burned and have the printer + locked up." + + A few days later a newspaper was brought to him announcing that the + Moritos had massacred the garrison stationed among them, that the whole + province of San Diego was in revolt, and that the regiment there would + probably have to fall back on Havilla. Sam was much scandalized, and + sent at once for the native editor. + + "What does this mean?" said he. + + "Pardon, my colonel," said the little man apologetically, "this is a + newspaper and this is news. I am sure it is true." + + "That is the civilian conception of news," said Sam, with disdain. + "Officially this is not true. We have instructions, as you have often + been told, not to allow anything to be printed that can injure the + Administration at Whoppington. Any one can see how this would injure + it, and news that can injure it is, from the military point of view, + untrue. General Notice is making a tour of the country at home, + receiving ovations everywhere on account of the complete subjugation of + the islands. What effect will such news have upon his reception? Is it + a proper way to treat a general who has deserved well of his country?" + + "But," interposed the editor, "don't the people know that you are + continually sending out more troops?" + + "The people do not mind a little thing like that," said Sam. "When an + officer and a gentleman says the war is over, they believe it, and + they show their gratitude by voting money to send new regiments. Your + action in printing this stuff is most disloyal. I will send one of my + assistants around to your office with you to see that this edition is + destroyed, and if you repeat the offense you will be deported." + + The unfortunate man retired, shrugging his shoulders. As he went out + Cleary came running in with a copy of the paper. + + "Oh! you've got a copy of that, have you?" said Sam. "It's an outrage + to print such things, isn't it?" + + "I'm afraid it's true," said Cleary. + + "What difference does that make?" exclaimed Sam. "It's the business of + an army to conquer a country. We've done it twice, and we can do it as + often as we like again." + + "Hear, hear!" cried Cleary. "You're becoming more and more of a soldier + as you get promoted. You have the true military instinct, I see. Of + course it makes no difference who holds the country, but I'm a little + disappointed in the Moritos. As for San Diego, Colonel Booth of your + old regiment is in command, and I half think he didn't back up the + Morito garrison out of jealousy toward you. He wanted to have the + Morito country go back, so as to belittle our exploit. But we'll get + even with him. I've seen the cable-censor, and not a word about it will + go home. I have just sent a despatch saying that the whole island is + entirely in our hands and that the natives are swearing allegiance by + thousands." + + "That's right," said Sam. "It's really a kindness to the people at + home, for if they think it's true it makes them just as happy as if it + were true, and I think it's positively cruel to worry them + unnecessarily." + + "To be sure," said Cleary. "And if it does get out, we'll throw all the + blame on the Secretary of War and his embalmed beef. They say he's + writing a book to show that a diet of mummies is the best for fighting + men--and so the quarrels go on. By the way, I just stopped a piece of + news that might have interested you. Do you know that you have + suppressed the Declaration of Independence?" + + "Nonsense. I haven't seen a copy of it in two years." + + "Well, here's a despatch that I got away from the cable-office just in + time. It would have gone in another ten minutes. Here it is." + + Sam took the paper and read an account of the printing by a native + committee of fifty thousand copies of the Declaration in Castalian, and + its immediate suppression by Colonel Jinks, the censor. + + "It's a downright lie," cried Sam. "I'll call my native secretary and + inquire into this," and he rang his bell. + + "See here, what does this mean?" he asked the clerk who hurried in. + + The man thought a minute. + + "I do not know the Declaration of Independence," he said, "but perhaps + that paper I translated for you the other day had something to do with + it. I have not a copy here." + + "Were they burned?" + + "Not yet, sir. They were seized, and are in our depot." + + "Come," said Sam to Cleary, "let's go over there and look at it. It's a + half-mile walk and it will do me good." + + "How are things at San Diego?" asked Sam, as they walked along + together. "You've been out there, haven't you?" + + "Yes. We'll have to come in. The Cubapinos have got a force together at + a town farther down the river and are threatening us there. We got + pretty near them and mined under a convent they were in, and blew up a + lot of them, but it didn't do them much harm, for a lot of recruits + came in just afterward from the mountains. That convent was born to be + blown up, it seems, for some Castalian anarchists had a plot to blow it + up some years ago, and came near doing it, too. We made use of their + tunnels, which the monks were too lazy to have filled up. The anarchist + plot was found out, and they garroted a dozen of them." + + "What inhuman brutes those anarchists are!" cried Sam. "Think of their + trying to blow up a whole houseful of people! I wish we could take + some one of the smaller islands and put all the anarchists of the world + there and let them live out their precious theories. Just think what a + hell it would be! What infernal engines of hatred and destruction they + would construct, if they were left to themselves--machines charged with + dynamite and bristling with all sorts of explosive contrivances!" + + "Something like a battle-ship," suggested Cleary. + + "Don't talk nonsense!" exclaimed Sam. "Only Castalian fiends would try + to destroy law and order and upset the peaceable course of society in + such a way. Do you suppose that any of our people at home would do such + a thing?" + + "None, outside of the artillery," answered Cleary. "Well, at any rate, + our blowing up of the convent didn't do much good. There was some talk + of putting poison in the river to dispose of them, but of course we + couldn't do that." + + "Of course not," said Sam. "That would be barbarous and against all + military precedents. The rules of war don't allow it." + + "They're rather queer, those rules," answered his friend. "I should + like my enemies to take notice that I prefer being poisoned to being + blown up with bombshells. In some respects they don't pay much + attention to the rules, either. They don't take prisoners much + nowadays. Most of my despatches now read, 'fifty natives killed,' but + they say nothing of wounded or prisoners." + + "We're fighting savages, we must remember that," said Sam. + + "Then we've got a way of trying our pistols and rifles on natives + working in the fields; it's rather novel, to say the least. I saw one + man in the 73d try his new revolver on a native rowing a boat on the + river, and over the fellow toppled and the boat drifted down-stream. + The men all applauded, and even the officers laughed." + + "Boys will be boys," said Sam, smiling. "They're good shots, at + any rate." + + "They are that. There were some darkies plowing up there just this + side of San Diego, and some of our fellows picked them off as neatly + as you please. It must have been eight hundred yards if it was a foot. + But somehow I don't quite like it." + + "War is war," said Sam, using a phrase which presumably has a rational + meaning, as it is so often employed by reasonable people. "It doesn't + pay to be squeamish. The squeamish men don't make good soldiers. I've + seen enough to learn that. They hesitate to obey orders, if they don't + like them." + + As he said this they passed a small crowd of boys in the street. They + were trying to make two dogs fight, but the dogs refused to do so, and + the boys were beating them and urging them on. + + "What stupid brutes they are," said Sam. "They're badly trained." + + "They haven't had a military education," responded Cleary. "But I + almost forgot to ask you, have you seen the papers from home this + morning? They're all full of you and your greatness. Here are two or + three," and he took them from his pocket. + + Sam opened them and gazed at them entranced. There was page upon page + of his exploits, portraits of all kinds, biographies, anecdotes, + interviews, headlines, everything that his wildest dreams had imagined, + only grander and more glorious. There was nothing to be seen but the + words "Captain Jinks" from one end of the papers to the other. + + "They've even got a song about you," said Cleary. "Here it is: + + "'I'm Captain Jinks of the horse-marines. + I feed my horse on corn and beans. + Of course it's quite beyond my means, + Tho a captain in the army!'" + + "I don't altogether like it," said Sam. "What are the horse-marines? I + don't believe there are any." + + "Oh, that doesn't make any difference. It seems it's an old song that + was all the go long before our time, and your name has revived it. It + will advertise you splendidly. The whole thing is a grand piece of + work for _The Lyre_. Jonas has been congratulating me on it. He'd come + and tell you so, but he doesn't want to be seen with you. You've + censured out everything I've asked you to for him, and he doesn't want + people to know about his pull. That's the reason why he's never called + on you. But he says it's the best newspaper job he ever heard of. I + tell you we're a great combination, you and I. Perhaps I'll write a + book and call it, 'With Jinks at Havilla.' Rather an original title, + isn't it? But I'm afraid that all this talk at home will not make you + very popular with the officers here, who knew you when you were only a + captain. What would you say to being transferred to Porsslania? They + want new men for our army there, and I've half a mind to go too for a + change and act as the _Lyre's_ correspondent there. They'll do anything + I ask them now." + + "I'd like it very much," said Sam. "I'm tired of this literary + business. But here we are. This is our depot." + + The two men entered the long low building in which confiscated + property was stored. A soldier who was acting as watchman showed them + where the circulars were piled. Cleary took one and glanced over it. + + [Illustration: CONSENT OF THE GOVERNED + "WHAT BUSINESS HAVE THESE PEOPLE TO TALK ABOUT EQUAL RIGHTS?"] + + "As sure as fate, it's the Declaration of Independence!" he laughed. + + Sam took up a copy and looked at it too. + + "I believe it is," he said. "I didn't half look at it the other day. + I'm ever so much obliged to you for telling me and stopping the + telegram. But between you and me, the circular ought to be suppressed + anyway. What business have these people to talk about equal rights and + the consent of the governed? The men who wrote the + Declaration--Jeffries and the rest--were mere civilians and these ideas + are purely civilian. Come, let's have them burned at once," and he + called up two or three soldiers, and in a few minutes the circulars + formed a mass of glowing ashes in the courtyard. + + + + + CHAPTER X + + A Great Military Exploit + + [Illustration] + + + One day while Sam was still waiting for Cleary to carry out his + designs, his secretary told him that a sergeant wished to see him, and + Sam directed him to show him into his office. The man was a rather + sinister-looking individual, and his speech betrayed his Anglian + origin. + + "Colonel," said he, after the door was closed and they were alone, "I'm + only a sergeant promoted from the ranks, but I'm not just an ordinary + common soldier. I know a thing or two, and I've got a plan and I + thought perhaps you would be glad to 'ear of it. I 'ave the 'abit of + observing things, and most soldiers don't. Why, bless me, you can march + them into a country and out again, and with their eyes front, they + don't see a bloomin' thing. They're trained to see nothin'. They're + good for nothin' but to do as they're bid. I used to be in the army in + the old country, and once at Baldershot I saw Lord Bullsley come along + on horseback and stop two soldiers carryin' a soup-pail. + + "'Give me a taste of that,' says he, and one of them runs off and gets + a ladle and gives him a taste. He spits it out and makes a face and + shouts: + + "'Good heavens! man, you don't call that stuff soup, do you?' + + "'No, sir,' says the man. 'It's dish-water that we was a-hemptyin'.' + That's the soldier all over again. He 'adn't sense enough to tell him + beforehand." + + "I don't see, sergeant, what that has to do with me," said Sam curtly. + + "Well, sir, perhaps it hasn't. But I only wanted to say that I ain't + that kind of a man. I sees and thinks for myself. Now I 'ear that + they've got a letter captured from Gomaldo askin' General Baluna for + reenforcements, and that they've got some letters from Baluna too, and + know his handwritin'. I only wanted to say that I used to be a + writin'-master and that I can copy any writin' goin' or any signature + either, so you can't tell them apart. Now why couldn't we forge an + answer from Baluna to Gomaldo and send the first reenforcements + ourselves? He wants a 'undred men at a time. And then we could capture + Gomaldo as easy as can be. We could find him in the mountains. I know a + lot of these natives 'ere who would go with us if we paid them well." + + "We should have to dress them up in the native uniform," said Sam. "I + don't know whether that would be quite honorable." + + The sergeant smiled knowingly, but said nothing. + + "Do you think we could get native officers to do such a thing?" Sam + asked. + + "Oh, yes! Plenty of them. I know one or two. At first they wouldn't + like it. But give them money enough and commissions in our army, and + they'd do it." + + "How different they are from us!" mused Sam. "Nobody in our army, + officer or man, could ever be approached in that way." + + "It seems to me I've read somewhere of one of our principal + generals--Maledict Donald, wasn't it?" + + Sam thought best not to hear this. + + "But we would have to send some of our own officers on such an + expedition," he said. "We couldn't disguise them as natives." + + "That wouldn't be necessary. They can go as if they were prisoners--you + and two or three others you could pick out. I'd like to go too. And + then I'd expect good pay if the thing went through, and a commission as + lieutenant." + + "There'd be no trouble about that," answered Sam. "I'll think it over, + and perhaps consult the general about it and let you know by + to-morrow." + + "Very good, sir. I'm Sergeant Keene of the 5th Company, 39th Infantry." + + As the sergeant went out Cleary came in, and Sam laid the matter before + him. + + "I know that fellow by sight," said Cleary. "They say he's served + several terms for forgery and counterfeiting. I don't like his looks. + That's a great scheme tho, if it does seem a little like + bunco-steering. It's all right in war perhaps." + + "Yes," said Sam. "We have a higher standard of honor than civilians. + I'll go and see the general about it now." + + After some consultation the general approved the plan and authorized + Sam to carry it out. The latter set Keene to work at once at forging a + letter from Baluna acknowledging receipt of the orders for + reenforcements and informing Gomaldo that he was sending him the first + company of one hundred troops. Meanwhile he selected three officers of + the Regular Army to accompany him besides Keene, and through the + latter approached three native officers who had been captured at San + Diego. One of these was a close confidential friend of Gomaldo's, but + Keene succeeded after much persuasion in winning them all over. It was + an easier task to make up a company of native privates, who readily + followed their officers when a small payment on account had been given + to each man. + + "I don't quite like the job," Sam confessed to Cleary, "but the general + says it's all right and so it must be." + + At last the expedition started out. All the natives were dressed in the + native uniform, and the five white men were clad as privates in the + invading army and held as prisoners. After passing the outposts near + San Diego they turned toward the south in the direction of the + mountains where Gomaldo's captured letter had been dated. They were + received with rejoicings in each native village as soon as they showed + the forged letter of Baluna and exhibited their white prisoners. The + villagers showed much interest in the latter, but treated them kindly, + expressing their pity for them and offering them food. They had no + difficulty in obtaining exact directions as to Gomaldo's situation, but + found that it lay in the midst of an uninhabited district where it was + impossible to obtain supplies, the village where he had established his + headquarters being the only one within many miles. They scraped + together what food they could in the shape of rice, Indian corn, and + dried beef, and set out on the last stage of their journey. There had + been heavy rains recently, and the mountain paths were almost + impassable. There were swift rivers to cross, precipices to climb, and + jungles to penetrate. The heat was intense, and the men began to suffer + from it. The advance was very slow, and soon the provisions gave out. + It began to seem probable that the whole expedition would perish in the + mountains. Sam called a council of war, and, at Keene's suggestion, + picked out the two most vigorous privates, who went ahead bearing the + alleged Baluna letter and another from Gomaldo's renegade friend, who + was nominally in command, asking for speedy succor. The two + ambassadors were well schooled in what they should say, and were + promised a large sum of money if they succeeded. + + For two long days the party waited entirely without food, and they were + just beginning to despair, when the two men returned with a dozen + carriers sent by Gomaldo bringing an ample supply of bread and meat. He + also delivered a letter in which the native general congratulated his + friend on his success in leading the reenforcements and in capturing + the prisoners, and gave express instructions that the latter should be + treated with all consideration. The carriers were commanded by a native + lieutenant, who insisted that the prisoners should share equally with + the native troops, and saw to it personally that Sam and his friends + were served. His kindness cut Sam to the heart. After a few hours' + delay the expedition set out again, and on the following day it reached + the mountain village where Gomaldo had established himself. + + Gomaldo's body-guard, composed of fifty troops neatly dressed in white + uniforms, were drawn up to receive them, and the whole population + greeted them with joy. Gomaldo himself stood on the veranda of his + house, and, after saluting the expedition, invited the native officers + who were to betray him in to dinner. At this moment Keene whispered to + Sam and the latter signaled to the native officer, Gomaldo's + treacherous friend who was in charge of him, and this man gave an order + in a low voice, whereupon the whole expedition discharged their rifles, + and half-a-dozen of the body-guard fell to the ground. In the mean time + two of the native officers threw their arms round Gomaldo and took him + prisoner, and his partizans were seized with a panic. Sam took command + of his men, who outnumbered the loyal natives, and in a few minutes he + had unchallenged control of the post without losing a single man, + killed or wounded. Gomaldo was intensely excited and upbraided Sam + bitterly when taken before him, but upon being promised good treatment + he became more tractable. Sam gave orders that the villagers should + bury the dead, among whom he regretted to see the body of the native + lieutenant who had brought him food when they were starving; and then, + after a rest of several hours, the expedition set out on the return + journey, Gomaldo and his men accompanying it as prisoners. + + The news of the capture preceded the party, and when, after a march of + several days, they arrived at Havilla, Sam was received as a conquering + hero by the army. Cleary took the first opportunity to grasp his hand. + + "Is it really a great and noble act?" Sam whispered. "I suppose it is, + for everybody says so, but somehow it has left a bad taste in my mouth, + and I can't bear the sight of that fellow Keene." + + "Never mind," said Cleary. "You won't have to see him long. We're going + to Porsslania in a fortnight, you and I, and you'll have a chance to + turn the world upside down there." + + + + + CHAPTER XI + + A Dinner Party at Gin-Sin + + [Illustration] + + + During the past months great events had taken place in the ancient + empire of Porsslania. Many years earlier the various churches had sent + missionaries to that benighted land to reclaim its inhabitants from + barbarism and heathenism. These emissaries were not received with the + enthusiastic gratitude which they deserved, and some of the Porsslanese + had the impudence to assert that they were a civilized people when + their new teachers had been naked savages. They proved their barbarism, + however, by indulging in the most unreasonable prejudices against a + foreign religion, and when cornered in argument they would say to the + missionaries, "How would you like us to convert your people to our + religion?" an answer so illogical that it demonstrates either their bad + faith or the low development of their intellects. The missionaries of + some of the sects, by the help of their governments, gradually obtained + a good deal of land and at the same time a certain degree of civil + jurisdiction. The foreign governments, wishing to bless the natives + with temporal as well as celestial advantages, followed up the + missionary pioneers with traders in cheap goods, rum, opium, and + fire-arms, and finally endeavored to introduce their own machinery and + factory system, which had already at home raised all the laboring + classes to affluence, put an end to poverty, and realized the dream of + the prophets of old. The Porsslanese resolutely resisted all these + benevolent enterprises and doggedly expressed their preference for + their ancient customs. In order to overcome this unreasonable + opposition and assure the welfare of the people, the various Powers + from time to time seized the great ports of the Empire. The fertile + diplomacy of the courts found sufficient grounds for this. Most + frequently the pretext was an attack upon a missionary or even a case + of cold-blooded murder, and it became a proverb among the Porsslanese + that it takes a province to bury a missionary. Finally, all the harbors + of the Empire were in the hands of foreigners, who used this + advantageous position to confer blessings thick and fast upon the + reluctant population, who richly deserved, as a punishment, to be left + to themselves. At last a revolutionary party sprang up among this + deluded people, claiming that their own Government was showing too much + favor to foreign religions and foreign machines. The Government did not + put down this revolt. Some said that it did not have the power and that + the provinces were practically independent of the central authority. + Others whispered that the Imperial Court secretly favored the rebels. + However this may be, the Fencers, as the rebels were called from their + skill with the native sword, succeeded without much difficulty in + getting possession of the imperial city and imprisoning the foreign + embassies and legations in the enclosure of the Anglian Embassy. The + Imperial Court meanwhile fled to a distant city and left the entire + control of the situation in the hands of the Fencers. The peril of the + legations was extreme. They were cut off completely from the coast, + which was many miles distant, and the foreign newspaper correspondents + amused themselves by sending detailed accounts of the manner in which + they had been tortured and murdered. The principal men among the + Porsslanese assured the Powers that the legations were safe, but they + were not believed. A great expedition was organized in which all the + great Powers took a part. The forts near the sea were stormed and + taken. The intermediate city of Gin-Sin was besieged and finally fell, + and the forces advanced to the gates of the Capital. Before long they + succeeded in taking possession of the great city. The Fencers fled in + confusion, and at least two-thirds of the population fled with them, + fearing the vengeance of the foreigners. The legations were saved, + after one ambassador had been shot by an assassin. The city was divided + into districts, each of which was turned over to the safe-keeping of + one of the foreign armies, and the object of the expedition had been + accomplished. In the mean time many foreign residents, including many + missionaries in various parts of the Empire, had been murdered, the + inhabitants not recognizing the obvious fact that they and their + countrymen were their best friends. + + Affairs had reached this position when orders came to Havilla for + Colonel Jinks to proceed to join the army in Porsslania, where he would + be placed in command of a regiment. His fidus Achates, Cleary, had also + received permission from his journal to accompany him, and the two set + sail on a transport which carried details of troops. It is true that + these troops could ill be spared from the Cubapines, as the country + was still in the hands of the natives with the exception of here and + there a strip of the seacoast, and there was much illness among the + troops, many being down with fever and worse diseases. But it was + necessary for the Government to make as good a showing in Porsslania as + the other Powers, and the reenforcements had to go. + + It was on a hot summer day that Sam and Cleary looked over the rail of + the transport as they watched the troops come on board. It was a + remarkable scene, for a crowd of native women were on the shore, + weeping and arguing with the men and preventing them from getting into + the boats. + + "Who on earth are they?" asked Sam. + + "It's a pretty mean practical joke," said Cleary. "That regiment has + been up in the interior, and they've all had wives up there. They buy + them for five dollars apiece. And the Governor of the province there, a + friendly native, has sent more than a hundred of the women down here, + to get rid of them, I suppose, and now the poor things want to come + along with their young men. Some of them have got babies, do you see?" + + After a long and noisy delay the captain of the transport, assisted by + the officers of the regiment in question, persuaded the women to stay + behind, giving a few coppers to each and making the most reckless and + unabashed promises of return. The steamer then weighed anchor and was + soon passing the sunken Castalian fleet. + + "The Court at Whoppington has just allowed prize-money to the officers + and men for sinking those ships," said Cleary. "They didn't get as much + as they wanted, but it's a good round sum." + + "I'm glad they will get some remuneration for their hard work," + said Sam. + + "Do you see that native sloop over there?" said Cleary. "She's a pirate + boat we caught down in the archipelago. She had sunk a merchant vessel + loaded with opium or something of the kind, very valuable. They'd got + her in shallow water and had killed some of the crew, and the rest + swam ashore, and they were dividing up the swag when they were caught. + They would have had I don't know how many dollars apiece. They were + all hanged." + + "Serves them right," said Sam. "We must put down piracy. Good-by, + Havilla," he added, waving his hat toward the capital. "It makes me + feel happy to think that I have actually ended the war by capturing + Gomaldo." + + "Not much!" cried Cleary. "Didn't you hear the news this morning? The + Cubapinos are twice as active as ever. They're rising everywhere." + + Not many days later, and after an uneventful voyage, the transport + sailed into the mouth of the Hai-Po River and came to anchor off the + ruins of the Porsslanese forts. Colonel Jinks had orders to proceed at + once to Gin-Sin, and he left with Cleary on a river steamer. They were + much struck by the utter desolation of the country. There were no signs + of life, but here and there the smoking ruins of a town showed where + human beings had been. They noticed something floating in the water + with a swarm of flies hovering over it. + + "Good heavens! it's a corpse," said Cleary. "It's a native. That's a + handsome silk jacket, and it doesn't look like a soldier's either. Look + at that vulture. It's sweeping down on it." + + The vulture circled round in the air, coming close to the body, but did + not touch it. + + "It has had enough to eat already," said an Anglian passenger who was + standing near them. "Did you ever see such a fat bird? You'll see + plenty of bodies before long. Do you observe those vultures ahead + there? You'll find floating bodies wherever they are." + + "I suppose they are the bodies of soldiers," said Sam. + + "No, indeed, not all of them by any means. These Porsslanese must be + stamped out like vipers. I'm thankful to say most of the armies are + doing their duty. They don't give any quarter to native soldiers, and + they despatch the wounded too. That's the only way to treat them, and + they don't feel pain the way we do. In fact, they rather like it. The + Tutonians are setting a good example; they shoot their prisoners. I saw + them shoot about seventy. They tied them together four by four by their + pigtails and then shot them. It's best, tho, to avoid taking prisoners; + that's what most of them do." + + "But you say these bodies are not all soldiers," said Cleary. + + "No, of course not. You see the Mosconians kill any natives they + please. Then those who are out at night are killed as a matter of + course, and those who won't work for the soldiers naturally have to be + put out of the way. It's the only way to enforce discipline. Look at + these bodies now." + + Corpses were now coming down the river one after another. Each had its + attendant swarm of flies, and vultures soared in flocks in the air. The + river was yellow with mud, and the air oppressively hot and heavy. Now + and then a whiff of putrid air was blown across the deck. The three men + watched the bodies drifting past, brainless skulls, eyeless sockets, + floating along many of them as if they were swimming on their backs. + "It is really a fine example of the power of civilization," said the + stranger. "I don't approve of everything that has been done, by any + means. Some of the armies have treated women rather badly, but no + English-speaking soldiers have done that. In fact, your army has hardly + been up to the average in effectiveness. You and the Japs have been + culpably lenient, if you will permit me to say so." + + "We are only just starting out on our career as a military nation," + said Sam. "You must not expect too much of us at first. We'll soon get + our hand in. As for the Japs, why they're heathen. They can hardly be + expected to behave like Christians. But we were afraid that the war was + over and that we should find nothing to do." + + "The war over! What an absurdity! I have lived in Porsslania for over + thirty years and I ought to know something about it by now. There's an + army of at least forty thousand Fencers over there to the northwest + and another twenty-five thousand in the northeast. The Tutonians are + the only people who understand it. Their first regiments have just + arrived, and they are going to do something. They say the Emperor is + coming himself, and he will put an end to this state of affairs. He is + not a man to stand rebellion. All we can say is that we have made a + good beginning. We have laid the whole province waste, and it will be a + long time before they forget it." + + The journey was hot and tedious; the desolated shore, the corpses and + vultures, and an occasional junk with square-rigged sails and high poop + were the only things upon which to fix the eye. When at last our + travelers arrived at the city of Gin-Sin, Sam learned that his regiment + had proceeded to the Capital and was in camp there, and it would be + impossible for him to leave until the following day. He stopped with + Cleary at the principal hotel. The city was in a semi-ruined condition, + but life was already beginning to assume its ordinary course. The + narrow streets, hung with banners and lanterns and cabalistic signs, + were full of people. Barbers and scribes were plying their trades in + the open air, and war was not always in sight. Sam's reputation had + preceded him, and he had scarcely gone to his room when he received an + invitation from a leading Anglian merchant to dine with him that + evening. Cleary was anxious to go too, and it so happened that he had + letters of introduction to the gentleman in question. He made his call + at once and was duly invited. + + There were a dozen or more guests at dinner, all of them men. Indeed, + there were few white women left at Gin-Sin. With the exception of Sam + and Cleary all the guests were Anglians. There was the consul-general, + a little man with a gray beard, a tall, bald-headed, gray-mustached + major-general in command of the Anglian forces at Gin-Sin, two + distinguished missionaries of many years' experience, several junior + officers of the army, and a merchant or two. When dinner was announced + they all went in, each taking precedence according to his station. Sam + knew nothing of such matters, and was loath to advance until his host + forced him to. He found a card with his name on it at the second cover + on the right from his host. On his right was the card of a young + captain. The place on his left and immediately on the right of the host + bore no card, and the consul-general and the major-general both made + for it. The former got there first, but the military man, who was twice + his size, came into violent collision with him, pushed him away and + captured the seat, while the consul-general was obliged to retreat and + take the seat on the left of his host. The whole party pretended very + hard to have noticed nothing unusual. + + "Rather odd performance, eh?" whispered the captain to Sam. "You see + how it is. Old Folsom says he takes precedence because he represents + the Crown, but the general says that's all rot, for the consul's only a + commercial agent and a K.C.Q.X. Now the general is a G.C.Q.X., and he + says that gives him precedence. Nobody can settle it, and so they have + to fight it out every time they meet." + + "I see," said Sam. "I don't know anything about such things, but I + should think that the general was clearly in the right. He could hardly + afford to let the army be overridden." + + "Quite so," said the captain. "I don't suppose you know these people," + he added. + + "Not one of them, except my friend, Mr. Cleary. We only arrived + to-day." + + "The general is a good deal of a fellow," said the captain. "I was with + him in Egypt and afterward in South Africa." + + "Were you, indeed?" cried Sam. "Do tell me all about those wars. They + were such great affairs." + + "Yes, they were. Not much like this business here. Nothing could stop + us in the Sudan, and when we dug up the Mahdi and threw his body away + there was nothing left of the rebellion. I believe the best way to + settle things here would be to dig up somebody--Confusus, for instance. + If there's anything of that kind to be done our army could do it in + style." + + "It must be a very effective means of subjugating people," said Sam. + + "Yes, and would you believe it? the natives objected to it. They asked + us what we would think of it if they dug up our Queen. Just think of + it! The impudent niggers! As if there was any similarity in the two + cases." + + "Outrageous," said Sam. + + "And even at home and in Parliament, when our general was sitting in + the gallery hearing them discuss how much money they would give him, + some of the members protested against our digging the old fraud up. It + was a handsome thing for the general to go there and face them down." + + "It showed great tact, and I may say--delicacy," said Sam. + + "Yes, indeed," said the captain. "That's his strong point." + + "But I suppose that the war in South Africa was even greater," said + Sam. + + "Rather. Why we captured four thousand of those Boers with only forty + thousand men. No wonder all Anglia went wild over it. Lord Bobbets went + home and they gave him everything they could think of in the way of + honors. It was a fitting tribute." + + "The war is quite over there now, isn't it?" asked Sam. + + "Yes," answered the captain, somewhat drily. "And so is yours in the + Cubapines, I understand." + + "Yes," said Sam. "I think the Cubapine war and the South African war + are about equally over." + + "Do you see that lieutenant there between your friend and the parson?" + + "Yes." + + "He got the Victorious Cross in South Africa. He saved a sergeant's + life under fire. You see his cross?" + + "How interesting!" said Sam. "He must be a hero." + + "That chap with the mustache at the bottom of the table really did more + once. He saved three men from drowning in a shipwreck in the Yellow + Sea. He's got a medal for it." + + [Illustration: WINNERS OF THE CROSS + "HE GOT THE VICTORIOUS CROSS IN SOUTH AFRICA"] + + "Why doesn't he wear it, too?" asked Sam. + + "Civilians never do," said the captain. "It would look rather odd, + wouldn't it, for him to wear a life-saving medal? You may be sure he + keeps it locked up somewhere and never talks about it." + + "It is strange that civilians should be so far behind military men in + using their opportunities," said Sam. + + "That old fellow with the long beard is Cope, the inventor of the Cope + gun. He's a wonder. He was out here in the employ of the Porsslanese + Government. Most of their artillery was designed by him. What a useful + man he has been to his country! First he invented a projectile that + could go through any steel plate then known, and all the navies had to + build new steel-clad ships on a new principle that he had invented to + prevent his projectiles from piercing them. Then what does he do, but + invent a new projectile that could go through that, and they had to + order new guns for it and build new ships to withstand it. He's done + that four times. And he's got a rifle now that will penetrate almost + anything. If you put two hundred Porsslanese of the same height in a + row it would go through all their heads at five hundred yards. I hope + they'll try the experiment before this affair is over." + + The major-general had by this time exhausted all possible subjects of + conversation with his host and sat silent, and Sam felt obliged to turn + his attention to him, and was soon engaged in relating his experience + in the Cubapines. Meanwhile Cleary had been conversing with the brave + young lieutenant at his side and the reverend gentlemen beyond him. + They had been discussing the slaughter of the Porsslanese, the + lieutenant sitting back from the table while his neighbors talked + across him. + + "I confess," said the Rev. Mr. Parker, "that I am not quite satisfied + with our position here. This wholesale killing of non-combatants is + revolting to me. Surely it can not be Christian." + + "I have had some doubts about it too," said the young man. "I don't + mind hitting a man that hits back. I didn't object to the pig-sticking + in South Africa, and I believe that man-hunting is the best of all + sports; but this killing of people who don't resist, and even smile in + a sickly way while you do it and almost thank you--it really does go + against me." + + "Yes," said Cleary, "perhaps there is something in that." + + "Oh, my dear young friend!" cried the clergyman, turning toward the + lieutenant, "you don't know what joy it gives me to hear you say that. + I have spoken in this way again and again, and you are the first man I + have met who agrees with me. Won't you let your fellow officers know + what you think? It will come with so much more force from a military + man, and one of your standing as a V.C. Won't you now tell this company + that you think we are going too far?" + + "Really, Doctor," said the young man, blushing, "really, I think you + exaggerate my importance. It wouldn't do any good. Perhaps I have said + a little more to you than I really meant. This champagne has gone to my + head a little." + + "Just repeat what you said to us. I will get the attention of the + table." + + "No, Doctor, for God's sake don't!" cried the lieutenant, laying his + right hand on the missionary's arm while he toyed with his cross with + the other. "To tell you the truth, I haven't the courage to say it. + They would think I was crazy. I would be put in Coventry. I have no + business to make suggestions when a general's present." + + Mr. Parker sighed and did not return to the subject. + + After dinner Sam was introduced to Canon Gleed, another missionary, who + seemed to be on very good terms with himself, and stood rubbing his + hands with a benignant smile. + + "These are great days, Colonel Jinks," he said. "Great days, indeed, + for foreign missions. What would St. John have said on the island of + Patmos if he could have cabled for half-a-dozen armies and + half-a-dozen fleets, and got them too? He would have made short work of + his jailers. As he looks down upon us to-night, how his soul must + rejoice! The Master told us to go into all nations, and we are going to + go if it takes a million troops to send us and keep us there. You are + going on to the Capital to-morrow? You will meet a true saint of the + Lord there, your own fellow countryman, the Rev. Dr. Amen. He is a true + member of the Church Militant. Give him my regards when you see him." + + "I see there is another clergyman here," said Sam, looking at Mr. + Parker. + + "Yes, and I must say I am surprised to see him. Let me warn you, + Colonel. He is, I fear, altogether heterodox. I don't know what kind of + Christianity he teaches, but he has actually kept on good terms with + the Porsslanese near his mission throughout all these events. He is + disloyal to our flag, there can be no question of it, and he openly + criticizes the actions of our governments. He should not be received in + society. He ought to be sent home--but, hist! some one is going to + sing." + + It was the young lieutenant who had seated himself at the piano and was + clearing his throat as he ran his hands over the keys. Then he began to + sing in a rather feeble voice: + + "Let the Frenchy sip his cognac in his caffy, + Let the Cossack gulp his kvass and usquebaugh; + Let the Prussian grenadier + Swill his dinkle-doonkle beer, + And the Yankee suck his cocktail through a straw, + Through a straw, + And the Yankee suck his cocktail through a straw. + + "Let the Ghoorka drink his pugaree and pukka, + Let the Hollander imbibe old schnapps galore. + Tommy Atkins is the chap + Who has broached a better tap, + For he takes his 'arf-and-'arf in blood and gore. + Blood and gore, + For he takes his 'arf-and-'arf in blood and gore. + + "When at 'ome he may content himself with whisky, + But if once he lands upon a foreign shore-- + On the Nile or Irrawady-- + He forgets his native toddy, + And he takes his 'arf-and-'arf in blood and gore. + Blood and gore, + And he takes his 'arf-and-'arf in blood and gore. + + "He's a connoisseur of every foreign vintage, + From the claret of the fat and juicy Boer + To the thicker nigger brand + That he spills upon the sand, + When he draws his 'arf-and-'arf in blood and gore. + Blood and gore, + When he draws his 'arf-and-'arf in blood and gore." + + "Fine, isn't it!" exclaimed Sam's neighbor, the captain, who was + standing by him, as they all joined in hearty applause. "I tell you + Bludyard Stripling ought to be our poet laureate. He's the laureate of + the Empire, at any rate. Why, a song like that binds a nation together. + You haven't any poet like that, have you?" + + "No-o," answered Sam, thinking in shame of Shortfellow, Slowell, and + Pittier. "I'm afraid all our poets are old women and don't understand + us soldiers." + + "Stripling understands everything," said the captain. "He never makes a + mistake. He is a universal genius." + + "I don't think we ever drink cocktails with a straw," ventured Sam. + + "Oh, yes, you must. He never makes a mistake. You may be sure that, + before he wrote that, he drank each one of those drinks, one after + another." + + "Quite likely," whispered Cleary to Sam, as he came up on the other + side. + + "I wish I could hear it sung in Lunnon," said the captain. "A chorus of + duchesses are singing it at one of the biggest music-halls every + evening, and then they pass round their coronets, lined with velvet, + you know, and take up a collection of I don't know how many thousand + pounds for the wounded in South Africa. It stirs my blood every time I + hear it sung." + + The party broke up at a late hour, and Sam and Cleary walked back + together to the hotel. + + "Interesting, wasn't it?" said Cleary. + + "Yes," said Sam. + + "Canon is a good title for that parson, isn't it? He's a fighter. They + ought to promote him. 'Bombshell Gleed' would sound better than 'Canon + Gleed,'" said Cleary. + + "'M," said Sam. + + "And that old general looked rather queer in that red and gilt + bob-tailed Eton jacket," said Cleary. + + "Yes, rather." + + "Convenient for spanking, I suppose." + + "The captain next to me told me a lot about Bobbets," said Sam. "Wasn't + he nearly kidnaped in South Africa?" + + "Yes; that comes of sending generals away from home who only weigh + ninety-five pounds. We hadn't any such trouble with Laughter. They'd + have had to kidnap him with a derrick." + + "I never thought of that," said Sam. "Perhaps that's the real reason + they selected him. I shouldn't wonder." + + "Of course it was," responded Cleary. + + "What sort of a chap was the one with the V.C. next to you?" asked Sam. + + "A fine fellow," said Cleary. "But it does seem queer, when you think + of it, to wear a cross like that, that says 'I'm a hero,' just as plain + as the beggar's placard says, 'I am blind.'" + + "I don't see why," said Sam. + + "On the whole I think that a placard would be better," said Cleary. + "Everybody would be sure to understand it. 'I performed such and such + an heroic action on such and such a day, signed John Smith.' Print it + in big letters and then stand around graciously so that people could + read it through when they wanted to. I'll get the idea patented when I + get home." + + "It's a pity we don't give more attention to decorations at home," said + Sam. "But I don't quite like the placard idea." + + + + + CHAPTER XII + + The Great White Temple + + [Illustration] + + + On the following morning the two friends started on their journey up + the river toward the Imperial City. They went on a barge filled with + soldiers, some of them their own troops who had arrived earlier the + same morning. The barge was drawn by ropes pulled by natives, who + walked and ran along the banks of the river. It was a day of + ever-increasing horrors. All the desolation which they had remarked the + day previous was reproduced and accentuated, and as they were so much + nearer to the bank, and occasionally took walks on shore, they saw it + all more clearly. Sam was much interested in the foreign troops. Their + uniforms looked strange and uncouth. + + "What funny pill-boxes those are that those Anglian soldiers have stuck + to the side of their heads," he said, pointing to two men at Gin-Sin + before they set sail. + + "Yes," answered Cleary. "They'll put on their helmets when the sun gets + higher. They do look queer, tho. Perhaps they think our fellows look + queer too." + + "I never thought of that," said Sam. "Perhaps they do," and he looked + at his fellow-countrymen who were preparing to embark, endeavoring to + judge of their appearance as if he had never seen them before. He + scrutinized carefully their slouch hats creased in four quarters, their + loose, dark-blue jackets, generally unbuttoned, and their easy-going + movements. + + "Perhaps they do look queer," he said at last. "I never thought of + that." + + The river was more full of corpses than ever, and there were many to be + seen on the shore, all of them of natives. Children were playing and + bathing in the shallows, oblivious of the dead around them. Dogs + prowled about, sleek and contented, and usually sniffing only at the + cadavers, for their appetites were already sated. At one place they saw + a father and son lying hand in hand where they had been shot while + imploring mercy. A dog was quietly eating the leg of the boy. The + natives who pulled the boat along with great difficulty under the hot + sun were drawn from all classes, some of them coolies accustomed to + hard work, others evidently of the leisure classes who could hardly + keep up with the rest. Soldiers were acting as task-masters, and they + whipped the men who did not pull with sufficient strength. Now and then + a man would try to escape by running, but such deserters were + invariably brought down by a bullet in the back. More than once one of + the men would fall as they waded along, and be swept off by the + current. None of them seemed to know how to swim, but no one paid any + attention to their fate. Parties were sent out to bring in other + natives to take the place of those who gave out. One of the men thus + brought in was paralyzed on one side and carried a crutch. The soldiers + made sport of him, snatched the crutch from him, and made him pull as + best he could with the rest. Sam, Cleary, and an Anglian officer who + had served through the whole war took a long walk together back from + the river during the halt at noon. They entered a deserted house, with + gables and a tiled roof, which by chance had not been burned. The house + had been looted, and such of its contents as were too large to carry + away were lying broken to bits about the floor. A nasty smell came from + an inner room, and they looked in and saw the whole family--father, + mother, and three daughters--lying dead in a row on the floor. A + bloody knife was in the hand of the man. + + "They probably committed suicide when they saw the soldiers coming," + said the Anglian, whose name was Major Brown. "They often do that, and + they do quite right. When they don't, the soldiers, and even the + officers sometimes, do what they will with the women and then bayonet + them afterward. Our people draw the line at that, and so do yours." + + "We certainly conduct war most humanely," said Sam. + + They heard a groan from another room, and opening the door saw an old + woman lying in a pool of blood, quite unconscious. + + "I'll put her out of her misery," said the major, and he drew his + revolver and shot her through the head. + + The journey was a very slow one and occupied three days, altho the + natives were kept at work as long as they could stand it, on one day + actually tugging at the ropes for twenty-one hours. At last, however, + the Imperial City was reached, and our two travelers disembarked and, + taking a donkey-cart, gave directions to carry them to the quarter + assigned to their own army. Here as everywhere desolation reigned. A + string of laden camels showed, however, that trade was beginning to + reassert itself. They drove past miles of burned houses, through the + massive city walls and beyond, until they saw the welcome signs of a + camp over which Old Gory waved supreme. Sam was received with much + cordiality by the commandant, General Taffy, and assigned to the + command of the 27th Volunteer Infantry. The general was a man well + known throughout the army for his courage and ability, but + notwithstanding this Sam took a strong prejudice against him, for he + seemed to be half-hearted in his work and to disapprove of the + prevailing policy of pacification by fire and sword. Sam ascribed this + feebleness to the fact that he had been originally appointed to the + army from civil life, and that he had not enjoyed the benefits of an + East Point education. + + As soon as Sam was installed in his new quarters, in the colonel's + tent of his regiment, he started out with Cleary to see the great city + and examine the scene of the late siege. They found the Jap quarter the + most populous. The inhabitants who had fled had returned, and the + streets were taking on their normal aspect. Near the boundary of this + district they saw a house with a placard in the Jap language, and asked + an Anglian soldier who was passing what it meant. + + "That's one of the Jap placards to show that the natives who live there + are good people who have given no offense," said he. + + "Let's go in and pay them a call," said Cleary. + + They entered, and passing into a back room found a woman nursing a man + who had evidently been recently shot in the side. She shrank from them + with terror as they entered, and made no answer to their request for + information. As they passed out they met a young native coming in, and + they asked him what it meant. + + "Some Frank soldiers shot him because he could not give them money. It + had all been stolen already," said the lad in pigeon English. + + "But the placard says they are loyal people," said Cleary. + + "What difference does that make to them?" was the reply. + + Farther on in a lonely part of the town they heard cries issuing from + the upper window of a house. They were the cries of women, mingled with + oaths of men in the Frank language. Suddenly two women jumped out of + the window, one after the other, and fell in a bruised mass in the + street. Sam and Cleary approached them and saw that they had received a + mortal hurt. They were ladies, handsomely dressed. The first impulse of + Sam and Cleary was to take charge of them, but seeing two natives + approach, they called their attention to the case and walked away. + + "I suppose it's best not to get mixed up with the affairs of the other + armies," said Sam. + + The quarter assigned to the Tutonians they were surprised to find quite + deserted by the inhabitants. + + "I tell you, those Tutonians know their business," said Sam. "They + won't stand any fooling. Just see how they have established peace! We + have a lot to learn from them." + + They saw a crowd collected in one place. + + "What is it?" asked Sam of a soldier. + + "They're going to shoot thirty of these damned coolies for jostling + soldiers in the street," he answered. + + Sam regretted that they had no time to wait and see the execution. + + As they reentered their own quarter they saw a number of carts loaded + down with all sorts of valuable household effects driven along. They + asked one of the native drivers what they were doing, and he replied in + pigeon English that they were collecting loot for the Rev. Dr. Amen. + Farther on some of their own soldiers were conducting an auction of + handsome vases and carved ornaments. Sam watched the sale for a few + minutes, and bought in one or two beautiful objects for a song for + Marian. + + "Where did they get all this stuff?" he asked of a lieutenant. + + "Oh, anywhere. Some of it from the houses of foreign residents even. + But we don't understand the game as well as old Amen. He's a corker. + He's grabbed the house of one of his old native enemies here, an + awfully rich chap, and sold him out, and now he's got his converts + cleaning out a whole ward. He's collected a big fine for every convert + killed and so much extra for every dollar stolen, and he's going to use + it all for the propagation of the Gospel. He's as good as a Tutonian, + he is." + + "I'm glad we have such a man to represent our faith," said Sam. + + "He's pretty hard on General Taffy, tho," said the lieutenant. "He says + we ought to have the Tutonian mailed fist. Taffy is much too soft, he + thinks." + + Sam bit his lips. He could not criticize his superior officer before a + subaltern, but he was tempted to. + + On reaching headquarters Sam found that he was to take charge of a + punitive expedition in the North, whose chief object was to be the + destruction of native temples, for the purpose of giving the + inhabitants a lesson. He was to have command of his own regiment, two + companies of cavalry, and a field-battery. They were to set out in two + days. He spent the intermediate time in completing the preparations, + which had been well under way before his arrival, and in studying the + map. No one knew how much opposition he might expect. + + It was early in the morning on a hot summer day that the expedition + left the Capital. Sam was mounted on a fine bay stallion, and felt that + he was entirely in his element. + + "What camp is that over there on the left?" he asked his orderly. + + "That's the Anglian camp, sir." + + "Are you sure. I can't see their colors. They must have moved their + camp." + + "Yes, sir, I'm sure. I passed near there last night and I saw + half-a-dozen of the men blacking their officers' boots and singing, + 'Britons, Britons, never will be slaves!' It must be a tough job too, + sir, for everybody's boots are covered with blood. The gutters are + running with it." + + "I wish we had them with us to-day," said Sam. "They have done such a + lot of burning in South Africa that they could show us the best way." + + "Yes, sir. But then temple-burning is finer work than burning + farmhouses, sir." + + "That is true," said Sam. + + Before night they had visited three deserted towns and burned down the + temple in each with its accompanying pagoda. There is something in the + hearts of men that responds to great conflagrations, and the whole + force soon got into the spirit of it and burned everything they came + across. Sam enjoyed himself to the full. His only regret was that there + was no enemy to overcome. They camped out at night and continued the + same work for several days, all the natives fleeing as soon as they + came in sight. At last they reached the famous white temple of Pu-Sing, + which was the chief object of religious devotion in the whole + province. This was to be absolutely destroyed, notwithstanding its + great artistic beauty, and then they were to return to the city in + triumph. As they drew near to the building two or three shots were + fired from it, and one soldier was wounded in the arm. The usual + cursing began, and the men were restive to get at the Porsslanese + garrison. Sam ordered the infantry to fire a volley, and then, as the + return fire was feeble, he ordered the squadron of cavalry to charge, + leading it himself. The natives turned and fled as soon as they saw + them coming, and the cavalry, skirting the enclosure of the temple, + followed them beyond and cut them down without mercy. + + "Give them hell!" cried Sam. "Exterminate the vermin!" and he swore, + quite naturally under the circumstances, like a trooper. + + Some of the natives fell on their knees and begged for quarter, but it + was of no use. Every one was killed. They numbered about two hundred in + all. When the horsemen returned to the temple they found the infantry + already at work at the task of looting it. Everything of value that + could be carried was taken out, and the larger statues and vases were + broken to pieces. Then the woodwork was cut away and piled up for + firewood, and finally the whole pile set on fire. In all this work the + leader was a sergeant of infantry who seemed to have a natural talent + for it. Sam had noticed him before at the burning of the other temples, + but now he showed himself more conspicuously capable. As the work of + piling inflammable material against the walls of polished marble, + inlaid with ivory, was nearing completion, Sam sent for this man so + that he might thank and congratulate him. The soldier came up, his + hands black with charcoal and his face smudged as well. + + "You've done well, sergeant," said Sam. "I will mention you to the + general when we return." + + "Thank you, sir," said the man, and his voice sounded strangely + familiar. Sam peered into his face. He had certainly seen it before. + + "What is your name, sergeant?" + + "Thatcher, sir." + + "Why, of course, you're Thatcher--Josh Thatcher of Slowburgh. Don't you + remember that night at the hotel when we had a drink together? Don't + you remember Captain Jinks?" + + "Yes, sir, but I didn't know you was he--a colonel, too, sir," said the + man, as Sam shook his hand warmly. + + "I'm glad to see that you're doing credit to your town," said Sam. + + "They'll be surprised to hear it at home, sir," said Thatcher. "They + was always down on me. They never gave me a chance. Here they all + speaks to me like you do, sir. Why, Dr. Amen slapped me on the back and + called me a fine fellow when I brought him in a big load of stuff. I + got it from houses of people I didn't even know, and he said I was a + good fellow. At Slowburgh I took a chicken now and then, and only from + somebody who'd done me some mean trick, and they said I was a thief. + Once or twice I burned a barn there just for fun, and never anybody's + barn that wasn't down on me and rich enough to stand it, and they said + I was a criminal. And as for women, if they ever seed me with one, they + all said I was dissolute and a disgrace to the place, and here I have + ten times more of 'em than I want, and everybody says it's all right, + and they made me corporal and sergeant, and the generals talked to me + like I was somebody, and I swear as much as I like. I never shot + anybody at home. I suppose they'd have strung me up if I had, and here + I just pepper any pigtail I like. They called me a criminal at + Slowburgh, just think of that! I say that criminals are just soldiers + who ain't got a job--who ain't had any chance at all, I says. I wasn't + ever judged right, I wasn't." + + There were tears in Thatcher's eyes as he ended this speech. + + "You're a fine chap," said Sam. "I'll tell all about you when you get + home. This war has been the making of you. How are the other Slowburgh + boys?" + + "They're all right, except my cousin Tom. He's down sick with + something. He's run about a little too much. He always was a-sparking. + He never knowed how to take care of himself. Jim Thomson was wounded + once, but he's all right now. We've all had fever, but that's over too. + But the fire's spreading, sir; we'd better get out of this." + + As he spoke a heavy charred beam fell just in front of him, and the end + of it came down with its full weight on Sam's leg, snapping the bone in + two near the ankle. The foot lay at right angles, and the bone + protruded. Several soldiers lifted the log and Thatcher drew Sam out, + and they bore him in haste out of the building. He was laid on the + ground quite unconscious, at some distance from the temple, while the + flames roared and leaped toward heaven, wrapping the graceful, lofty + nine-story pagoda in their folds. It was in a beautiful garden that he + lay, near a pool filled with lotus flowers and at the end of a rustic + bridge. The air was heavy with the perfume of lilies. A surgeon was + called, and before long he was able to put the foot in place, but only + after sawing off a large piece of bone. A cart was obtained, Sam was + laid in it, a bottle of whisky was poured down his throat, and the + journey to the city began. The patient on coming to himself experienced + no pain. The liquor he had taken made him feel supremely happy. He was + in an ecstasy of exultation, and would have liked to embrace all + mankind. But gradually this feeling wore off and his leg began to pain + him, at first slightly, then more and more until it became + excruciating. The road was almost impassable, and every jolt caused him + agony. For twelve hours he underwent these tortures until he reached + the camp in the city, and was at once transferred to a temporary + hospital which had been improvised in a public building. Here he lay + for many weeks, suffering much, but gradually regaining the use of his + leg. He was in charge of a particularly efficient woman doctor from + home who had volunteered to serve with the Red Cross Society. Sam felt + most grateful to her for her care, but he strongly disapproved of her + attitude to things military. She seemed to have a contempt for the + whole military establishment, insisted on calling him "young man," + altho he was a colonel, usually addressed lieutenants as "boys," and + laughed at uniforms, salutes, and ceremonies of all kinds. + + "Men are the silliest things in the world," she said one day. "Do you + suppose women would have a War Department that spent a lot of money on + bombshells to blow people up and then a lot more on Red Cross Societies + to piece them together again? Why, we would just leave the soldiers at + home, and save all the money, and it would be just the same in the + end." + + "Not the kind of women I know," said Sam, thinking of Marian. + + "I mean my kind of woman," said the doctor. "Do you think we'd sell + guns and rifles to the Porsslanese and teach them how to use them, and + then go to work and fight them after having armed them?" And she + laughed a merry laugh. + + "And do you think we'd pay men to invent all sorts of infernal machines + like the Barnes torpedo, and then have our big ships blown up by them + in time of peace. That is what brought on the whole Castalian and + Cubapine war. The idea of praising a man like Barnes! He's been a curse + to the world." + + "It was really a blessing," said Sam. "It has spread civilization and + Christianity all over." + + "Well, that's one way of doing it," said she. "But when there are more + women like me we'll take things out of the hands of you silly men and + run them ourselves. Now, young man, you've talked enough. Turn over and + go to sleep." + + Cleary called on his friend almost every day and kept him informed. He + sent home glowing accounts of Sam as the conqueror of the Great White + Temple, and described his sufferings for his country with artistic + skill. He also began work on the series of articles which Sam was + expected to write for _Scribblers' Magazine_. His gossip about the + events in the various camps entertained Sam very much, altho he was + often irritated as well. In his capacity of correspondent Cleary saw + and knew everything. + + "Sam," said he one day, as the invalid was sitting up in an easy-chair + at the window--"Sam, it's so long since I was at East Point that I'm + becoming more and more of a civilian. You army people begin to amuse + me. There's always something funny about you. The Tutonians are the + funniest of all. The little red-cheeked officers with their blond + mustaches turned up to their eyes are too funny to live. You feel like + kissing them and sending them to bed. And the airs they put on! One of + their soldiers happened to elbow a lieutenant the other day, and the + chap ran him through with his sword, and no one called him to account. + The officers jostle and browbeat any civilian who will submit to it, + and then try to get him into a duel, but I believe they're a cowardly + lot at bottom. No man of real courage would bluster all over the place + so." + + "I admire their discipline," said Sam. + + "And then there's the Franks. They're not quite so conceited, but + they're awfully touchy. I think the mustaches measure conceit. The + Tutonians' stick up straight, the Franks' stick right out at each side + waxed to a point, and ours droop downward." + + Sam began to twist his mustache upward, but it would not stay. + + "I was in to see a Frank military trial the other day," said Cleary. + "It was the most comical thing. There were three big generals on the + court. I mean big in rank. They were about four feet high in size, and + they kept looking at their mustaches in hand-glasses and combing their + hair with pocket-combs. They were trying one of their lieutenants for + having sold some secret military plans to a Tutonian attache. Now the + joke of it is that military attaches are appointed just for the purpose + of buying secrets, and everybody knows it. They're licensed to do it. + And then when they do just what they're licensed for, everybody makes a + fuss. Well, the secrets were sold; there wasn't the slightest reason + for thinking this lieutenant had sold them, but they had to punish + somebody. They say they drew his name from a box. They had three + officers to testify against him, and they were the stupidest liars I + ever saw. They just blundered from beginning to end, and the president + of the court helped them out and told them what to say, and corrected + them. The third man said nothing at all except, 'Yes, my general; yes, + my general.' Then they called the witnesses for the accused, and two + officers stepped forward, when a couple of orderlies grabbed each of + them, stuffed a gag into their mouths, and carried them out, while the + court looked the other way, and the crowd shouted, 'Long live the + army!' The court adjourned on account of the 'contumacy of the + witnesses for the defense.' I went in again the next morning, and they + announced that both the witnesses had committed suicide. Then the + president took a judgment out of his pocket which I had seen him + fingering all the first day, and read it off just as it had been + written before the trial began, condemning the poor devil to twenty + years' imprisonment. I never saw such a farce. Everybody shouted for + the army, and the little generals kissed each other and cried, and + they had a great time of it. And the president made a speech in which + he said that they had saved the army and consequently the country too, + and that honor and glory and the fatherland had been redeemed. They've + all been promoted and decorated since. They're a queer lot, those Frank + officers." + + "We ought not to be too quick in judging foreigners," said Sam. "Their + methods may seem strange to us, but we are not competent to criticize + them. Let each army judge for itself." + + "As a matter of fact," said Cleary, "every army is down on the others. + If you believe what they say about each other they're a pretty bad lot. + They all say that the Mosconians are barbarians, and they call the + Tutonians thugs. The rest of them call the Franks woman-hunters, and + they all call us and the Anglians auctioneers and looters and + shopkeepers, and drunkards, and we're known as temple-burners and + vandals too." + + "What an outrage!" ejaculated Sam. + + "The Anglians are more like us, but they've got a few old generals and + then a lot of small boys, and nothing much between. I should think the + generals would feel like school-masters. I told one of their officers + that, and he said it was better than having second lieutenants + seventy-five years old as we do. We're loving each other a lot just + now, the Anglians and us, but one of our naval officers let on to me + that they were dying to have a war with them. You see, since South + Africa nobody's afraid of them except the Porsslanese, and they don't + read the papers. And how the Anglians despise the Franks! Why, we were + discussing lying in war at a lunch-party, and one of their generals was + there, a rather dense sort of a machine of a man. They had been saying + that lying was an essential part of war, and that an officer must be a + good liar and able to deceive the enemy well, as well as a good + fighter, and the conversation drifted off into the question of lying in + general. Somebody asked the general if he would say he was a Tutonian + to save his life. 'Of course,' he answered. 'But would you say you + were a Frank under the same circumstances?' asked some one else. + 'Certainly not,' he said. Everybody roared, but he didn't see any joke, + and looked as grave as an owl all the rest of the afternoon. Then the + commanders are all so jealous of each other. They are spying on each + other and putting sticks in each other's wheels. Officers are queer + people. There's only one profession that can compete with them for + feline amenities, and that is the actress profession." + + "Cleary," said Sam, "I let you talk this way for old acquaintance's + sake, but I wouldn't take it from any one else." + + "Fiddlesticks! You know I'm right. The Anglian officers like to hint at + the frauds in our quartermaster's department at Havilla, but I shut + them up by asking how much their officers made off the horses they + bought for South Africa in Hungary. Then they shut up like a + clasp-knife. Officers talk a lot about their 'brother officers,' and + you'd think they loved each other a lot, but I find they're all glad + so many were killed in South Africa because it gives them a lot of + promotion. I tell you the officers of all the armies like to have a + good list of dead officers after each battle, if they are only their + superiors in rank. I've been picking up all I can among the different + soldiers, and learning a lot. I was just talking to a lot of Anglian + soldiers now. They were sharpening sabers and bayonets on grindstones. + One of the older ones was telling me how they used to flog in the army. + They had a regular parade, and the drummers used to lay on the lash, + while a doctor watched so that they shouldn't go too far. Sometimes the + young subalterns who were in command would faint away at the sight. + + "'But it was so manly, sir,' the fellow said to me. 'The army isn't + what it was. But the other armies keep it up still, and we still birch + youngsters in the navy so we needn't despair of the world.'" + + "When will the campaign be over?" asked Sam. + + "There's no telling. All the armies are afraid to leave, for fear the + ones that are left will get some advantage from the Porsslanese + Government. They're a high old lot of allies. It's a queer business. + But the missionaries are as queer as any of them. You ought to have + heard old Amen last Sunday. How he whooped things up! He took his text + from the Gospel of St. Loot, I think! He was trying to stir up Taffy to + be more severe. Amen ought to be a soldier. Our minister + plenipotentiary isn't a backward chap either. I went through the + Imperial palace with him and his party the other day, and they pretty + nearly cleaned it out, just for souvenirs, you know. He didn't take + anything himself, as far as I could see; but his women, bless my soul, + they filled their pockets with jade and ivory and what-not. There were + some foreign looters in there at the same time, great swells too, and + they just smashed the plate-glass over the cabinets and filled their + pockets and their arms too. One old Porsslanese official was standing + there, a high mandarin of some sort, and he had an emerald necklace + around his neck. Some diplomat or other walked up to him and quietly + took it off, and the old man didn't stir, but the tears were rolling + down his cheeks." + + "He had no right to complain," said Sam. "We clearly have the right to + the contents of a conquered city by the rules of war." + + "Perhaps. But there are some curious war rules. Some of the armies + shoot all natives in soldiers' uniforms because they are soldiers, and + then they shoot all natives who resist them in civil dress, because + they are not soldiers and have no right to fight. I suppose they ought + to go about naked. They used to kill their prisoners with the butt-end + of their rifles, but that breaks the rifles, and now they generally use + the bayonet." + + "Here are some newspapers," said he on another occasion. "You've been + made a brigadier for capturing Gomaldo. Isn't that great? But they + _will_ call you 'Captain Jinks' at home, no matter what your rank is. + The papers say so. The song has made it stick." + + "I'm sorry for that," said Sam. "It would be pleasanter to be called + 'General.'" + + "It's all the same," said Cleary. "Wasn't Napoleon called the Little + Corporal? It's really more distinguished." + + "Perhaps it is," said Sam contentedly. + + "Some of the papers criticize us a little too," added Cleary. "They say + we are acting brutally here and in the Cubapines. Of course only a few + say it, but their number is increasing." + + "They make themselves ridiculous," said Sam. "They don't see how + ludicrous their suggestions are that we should actually retire and let + these countries relapse into barbarism. As that fellow said at Havilla, + they have no sense of humor." + + "And yet," retorted Cleary, "our greatest humorists, Mark Swain, Mr. + Tooley, and the best cartoonists, and our only really humorous paper, + _Knife_, are on that side." + + "But they are only humorists," cried Sam, "mere professional jokers. + You can't expect serious sense from them. They are mere buffoons. The + serious people here, such as Dr. Amen, are with us to a man." + + "I saw old Amen get caught the other day," said Cleary. "I was + interviewing the colonel of the 15th, and in came Amen and began + talking about the Porsslanese--what barbarians they were, no religion, + no belief, no faith. Why, the idea of self-sacrifice was utterly + unknown to them! Just then in came a young officer and said, 'Colonel, + the son of that old native we're going to shoot this afternoon for + looting, is bothering us and says he wants to be shot instead of his + father. What shall we do with him?' Amen said good-day and cleared out. + By the way, the colonel of the 15th is in a hole just now. He was shut + up in the legations, you know, and all the women there were down on him + because he wouldn't make the sentries salute them when the men were + dead tired with watching. They are charging him with cowardice. + There'll never be an end of this backbiting. It's almost as sickening + as the throat-cutting and stabbing. I confess I'm getting sick of it + all. When you see a private shoot an old native for not blacking his + boots, when the poor fellow was trying to understand him and couldn't, + and smiling as best he could, it's rather tough; and I've seen twenty + babies if I've seen one lying in the streets with a bayonet hole in + them. They have executions every day in one camp or another. I saw one + coolie, who had been working fourteen hours at a stretch loading carts, + shot down because he hadn't the strength to go on." + + "I'm afraid the heat is telling on you, Cleary," said Sam. "This is all + sickly sentimentality. War is war. The trouble with you is that there + has been no regular campaign on to occupy your attention. This lying + about doing nothing is a bad thing for everybody. Wait till the + Tutonian Emperor comes out and we'll have something to do." + + "He won't find any enemy to fight," said Cleary. + + "Trust him for that," replied Sam. "He's every inch a soldier, and + he'll find the way to make war, depend upon it. He's a religious man + too, and he will back up the missionaries better than we've done." + + "Yes. Amen thinks the world of him. Amen ought to have been a Tutonian + soldier. He says the best imagery of religion comes from war. I told + him I had an article written about a fight which said that our men + 'fought like demons' and 'yelled like fiends,' and I would change it to + read that they fought like seraphs and yelled like cherubim, but he + didn't think it was funny." + + + + + CHAPTER XIII + + The War-Lord + + [Illustration] + + + As soon as Sam was well enough to be moved the doctors sent him down to + the coast, and Cleary, who had been up and down the river several times + in the course of his newspaper work, went with him. Sam still felt + feeble, and altho he could walk without a crutch, he now had a decided + limp which was sure to be permanent. They arrived at the port a few + days before the expected arrival of the Emperor, and the whole place + was overflowing with excitement. The Emperor, who had never seen a + skirmish, was notwithstanding considered the greatest general of his + time, and he was coming now to prove it before the world and + incidentally to wreak vengeance upon a people, one of whom had killed + his ambassador. The town was profusely decorated, the Tutonian garrison + was increased, and Count von Balderdash, the commander-in-chief, + himself took command. Six fleets were drawn up in the wide bay to await + the coming of the war-lord. It was announced that he would make his + entry at night, and that the hour of arrival had been timed for a dark + moonless night. This was asserted to be for the better display of + fireworks. Finally, one morning the Tutonian fleet of four or five + large vessels was sighted in the distance. They steamed slowly up and + down in the distance until night fell, and then, as their colored + electric lights, outlining the masts and funnels, became distinct in + the darkness, they began to approach. Each of the awaiting fleets was + distinguished with particular-colored lights, and they had taken their + position at a considerable distance from the shore, leaving a passage + near the ruined forts for the Emperor. Sam and Cleary found a good + lookout on a dismantled bastion, and saw the whole parade. As the + leading vessel came near the first fleet the latter saluted with its + guns. Suddenly the lights on the advancing ship were extinguished, and + a strong flash-light was throw from above upon the forward deck. There + in bold relief stood a single figure, brilliantly illuminated by the + light. Cleary and Sam turned their field-glasses upon it. + + "By Jove! it's the Emperor," cried Cleary. "He's got on his admiral's + uniform, and now he's passing his own fleet that Balderdash brought + with him." + + They looked at the striking scene for some minutes, and the crowds on + the wharves and shores murmured with surprise. + + "Bless my soul! he has disappeared," said Cleary again. + + Sure enough, he had suddenly passed out of sight, and as suddenly the + flash-light went out and the lights on the masts reappeared. In another + moment these lights were extinguished, and the flash-light revealed a + form standing in the same place in a theatrical attitude with raised + sword and uplifted face. + + "I believe it's he again," said Cleary. "He must have a trap-door. He's + got on another uniform. I think it's a Frank admiral's uniform. There + go the Frank guns. He's passing their fleet." + + "Yes, it is a Frank naval uniform," said a foreign officer near them, + as he scrutinized the deck with his glasses. + + Before each of the fleets the same maneuvre was carried out. As their + guns fired, the Emperor would disappear for a few moments, and in an + incalculably short time he would appear again in the uniform of an + admiral of the fleet in question. When he had passed the last fleet he + disappeared once more, and came back to sight clad in the white and + silver armor of a general officer of his own army, with helmet and + plume. The flash-light now changed colors through the whole gamut of + the rainbow, and the Emperor knelt in the attitude of Columbus + discovering America. + + Sam was immensely impressed. + + "Oh, Cleary!" he said, "if we only had an Emperor." + + "The President is doing his best," said Cleary. "Don't blame him." + + "Oh, but what can he do? Why haven't we some one like that to embody + the ideal of the State, to picture us to ourselves, to realize our + aspirations?" + + As he said this a strange noise arose from the crowd near the + landing-stage where the Emperor was about to alight. The far greater + part of this crowd was composed of natives, and they had been entirely + taken aback by the exhibition. They were just beginning to understand + it, and as the war-lord moved about the deck followed by the glare of + the flash-light, and again struck an attitude before descending into + the gig which was to take him ashore, some one of the Porsslanese in + the crowd laughed. His neighbor laughed too, then another and then + another, until the whole native multitude was laughing. The laugh + rippled along the shore through the long stretch of natives collected + there like the swells from a passing steamer. It seemed to extend back + from the shore through the whole town, and, tho it was undoubtedly + fancy, Sam thought he heard it spreading, like the rings from a stone + thrown into the water, over the entire land. The foreigners stood + aghast. The Porsslanese are not a laughing people. They had never been + known to laugh before except in the most feeble manner. The events of + the past year had not been especially humorous, and the coming of the + great war-lord was far from being a laughing matter. Yet with the + perversity of heathen they had selected this impressive occasion for + showing their incurable barbarism and bad taste. Sam fairly shuddered. + + "It's a sacrilege," he cried. "I believe that nothing short of + extermination will reclaim this unhappy land. They are calling down the + vengeance of heaven upon them." + + They walked back to town with the foreign officer. + + "He's a wonderful man, the Emperor," said he, in indifferent English. + "How quickly he changed his clothes, and what a compliment it was!" + + "A sort of lightning-change artist," said Cleary. "He could make his + fortune at a continuous performance." + + In the dark Sam blushed for his friend, but fortunately their companion + did not understand the allusion. + + "You should have seen him when he visited our Queen," he said. "She + came to meet him in the uniform of a Tutonian hussar, breeches and all. + You can imagine how he was touched by it. That very afternoon he called + upon her dressed in the costume of one of our royal princesses with a + long satin train. It made him wonderfully popular. Our Queen responded + at once by making his infant daughters colonels of several of our + regiments. One of them is colonel of mine," he added proudly. + + "What would you do if you went to war with Tutonia, and one of the kids + should order you to shoot on your own army?" asked Cleary. "It might be + embarrassing." + + But the foreigner did not understand this either. + + "And to think that these Porsslanese dogs have received him with + laughter!" said he. + + At eleven o'clock on the same evening the Emperor was closeted with his + aged field-marshal, von Balderdash, in a handsomely furnished + sitting-room. A Turk's head had been set up in the middle of the room, + and His Majesty, dressed in the uniform of a cavalry general, was + engaged in making passes at it with a saber. He had already taken a + ride on horseback with his staff. The field-marshal stood wearily + leaning against the wall at the side of a desk piled up with papers. + + "We have avenged the death of our ambassador," Balderdash was saying. + "We have sent out five punitive expeditions in all. Our quarter of the + imperial city shows the power of arms more completely than any other. + We have set the highest standard, and our army is the admiration of + all." + + The count watched the face of his master as he spoke, but there was no + sign of satisfaction in it. The Emperor was out of humor. + + "We have not done enough," he said. "If we had, those pagans would not + have ventured to laugh--yes, actually to laugh--in our imperial + presence. Balderdash, you have not done your duty. I shall take command + myself at once. We must have a real punitive expedition, and not one of + your imitations. If they want war, let them have it." + + "We can not have war, Your Majesty, without an enemy, and we can find + no enemy. All their armed men are killed or have fled, and the rest of + the population run away from us as soon as we appear." + + "Count," said the Emperor sternly, "do you remember your oath to our + person? Do you know your duties as a field-marshal?" + + "I think so, Your Majesty." + + "Is it not your duty to provide every requisite for war at my command?" + + "Yes, Your Majesty." + + "Then I depend upon you to provide an enemy. What military requisite is + more important? Remember the fate of Fismark, and do your duty. We + must have a war. That is what I have come here for, and I do not + propose to be disappointed. We must have a punitive expedition at once. + What are my engagements for to-morrow?" + + "Your Majesty's mustache artist is coming at 5:30," replied the count, + looking at a memorandum. "Breakfast at 6--inspection of infantry at + 6:30--naval maneuvres at 8--reception of our officers at + 10:30--reception of foreign officers at 11:30--reception of civilians + at 12--luncheon at 12:30--photographer from 1 to 3. We have made no + appointments after 3, Your Majesty." + + "Then put down the punitive expedition for 3:15," said the war lord, + twisting his mustache in front of his eyes. "I propose to have this + whole nation kow-tow before me in unison before I leave their miserable + land. Take the necessary measures at once for the ceremony. Now I am + going to call out the whole garrison and see if they are kept in + readiness. You may go, and send me an aide-de-camp. You understand + that you must find me an enemy on whom I can wreak vengeance for all + these wrongs." + + "I understand, Your Majesty," said the count, bending low before him. + "I accept this Gospel of Your Majesty's most blessed Person," and he + took his leave. + + The expedition did not start promptly at 3:15, for unexpected + complications arose. The other powers wanted to send out punitive + expeditions too, and they sought to have it established that the + Porsslanese laugh was directed against all the fleets as well as + against the Emperor. A judicious distribution of decorations persuaded + all the armies to drop this pretension except the Anglian, and it was + finally arranged that the Tutonian and Anglian armies should cooperate + and take the field together under the Emperor's immediate command. A + week had elapsed before this force was prepared, but it finally started + out, General Fawlorn commanding the Anglian contingent. + + Sam, who was still only convalescent and who had been assigned some + duties connected with forwarding despatches which left him a great deal + of leisure, looked with envious eyes upon the departing host. He had + never seen anything like the magnificence of the uniforms of the + Emperor's staff. He envied them their gilt and stars, and he envied + them the prospect of winning the great battles which Balderdash had + promised them. They marched at once upon a fortified town in which a + large force of Fencers were reported to be established. They besieged + it for six days according to all the rules of the Tutonian manual, and + finally entered it with great precautions, and found it absolutely + empty. At one village a regiment of Anglian Asiatics cut to pieces a + hundred natives who were alleged to be Fencers, but it transpired + afterward that none of them were armed. Balderdash was frightened half + to death, expecting his imperial master to protest against the lack of + opposition, but, strange to say, he took it very well and delivered + orations on all occasions extolling the prowess of his troops in + putting to flight the hordes of a vast empire. This campaign lasted a + month, and the expedition finally returned to the port and was received + with all the marks of glory that Tutonian officialism could command. + The Emperor at once cabled to several kings and all his relations that + Providence had graciously preserved him in the midst of great dangers + and brought his enterprise to a successful termination. + + "They may be great soldiers," said Cleary one day to Sam, "but they + don't understand the newspaper business. The Emperor has a natural + talent for advertising, but it hasn't been properly cultivated. They + oughtn't to have let it leak out that there wasn't even a battle. Why, + Taffy says he could go from one end of the Empire to the other with a + squadron of cavalry! As for me, I shouldn't mind trying it without the + cavalry. When they did kill any people, it was like killing pheasants + at one of his famous battues. I wonder he wasn't photographed in the + middle of a pile of them, the way he is when he goes shooting at home. + Perhaps he'll get up some sport here in a big hen-coop. I'll suggest + it to Balderdash." + + Sam refused to think ill of the great war-lord, and embraced every + opportunity to see him. He had been formally presented to him at a + reception of officers, but there was a crowd present, and Sam did not + expect him to recognize him again. On one occasion Sam happened to be + standing in the street when the Emperor, accompanied by some of his + officers, came past on foot. Sam stood on one side and saluted. To his + surprise the Emperor stopped and beckoned to him. Sam came forward, + bowing, blushing, and stammering. + + "I am glad to see an officer of your country here, General," said His + Majesty. "May I ask your name? Ah, Jinks! I have heard your name + before. What do you think of expansion, General?" + + "I beg Your Majesty's pardon," said Sam, "but I do not think. I obey + orders." + + The Emperor gave an exclamation of surprise and delight. + + "Hear that, gentlemen," said he in his own language, turning to his + officers. "He does not think; he obeys orders! There is a model for + you. There is a motto for you to learn. God has given you an Emperor to + think for you. Our friend here, with only a President to fall back on, + has perceived the truth that a soldier must not think. He thinks at his + peril. General," he added in English, "you have given my army a lesson + to-day which they will never forget. It will give me pleasure to + decorate you with the Green Cockatoo, third class." + + Sam began to stammer something. + + "Oh, yes, I remember. Your Government does not allow you to receive it. + If that restriction is ever removed, let me be informed," and the + Emperor passed on, while Sam determined to write to his uncle and have + this miserable civilian law changed. It so happened that there was a + great dearth of news at this time, and Cleary made the most of this + episode. It did almost as much to make General Jinks famous as anything + that he had done before, and he was widely advertised at home as the + officer who had astounded the Emperor by his wisdom and given a lesson + to the finest army in the world. + + [Illustration: THE PERFECT SOLDIER + "THE EMPEROR GAVE AN EXCLAMATION OF SURPRISE AND DELIGHT"] + + "Sam, your luck never gives out," said Cleary. "They'll make you a + major-general, I expect, now." + + "I should rather like to have the thanks of Congress," answered Sam, as + if that were a mere bagatelle. This conversation occurred in a + restaurant. A young officer was sitting alone at the next table, and he + gave his order to the waiter in a high, penetrating voice. + + "Bless my soul! if that isn't Clark," cried Cleary. "See, he's a second + lieutenant still. Let's ask him over to our table." + + "Go ahead," said Sam, "but don't say anything about East Point." + + Cleary invited him over as a fellow countryman, and the three men dined + together, never once saying anything to denote that they had met + before. Whether Clark noticed that Cleary was rather persistent in + offering him the red pepper for every course, it was impossible to + determine. + + It was generally supposed that the Emperor had done all that could be + done in Porsslania, but those who believed this, knew little of the + resources of the first soldier of Christendom. Even Count von + Balderdash was ignorant of the card which his master had determined to + play in view of all mankind. + + "Balderdash," said he one night, as the poor count sat trying to + repress his yawns and longing for bed,--"Balderdash, we have shown the + heathen here what we can do. We have exacted vengeance from them. Now I + wish to show to the civilized world, and especially to their armies + here, that we have the best army, the best discipline, the greatest + power on earth, and the bravest Christians in our ranks. I have not + told you yet what I propose to do, but the time has come to go ahead + with it. In our vessel, the _Eagle_, which we brought with us, there + are confined thirty persons convicted at home of the frightful crime of + lese-majesty, a crime which shows that the criminal is atheistic, + anarchistic, and unfit to live. I had them selected among those who + have near relations here in the army. They all have either sons, + brothers, or fathers enlisted here. Of course at home our wretched + parliamentary system would make it inadvisable to have them executed. + Here there is no such difficulty. You have often heard me at the annual + swearing in of recruits tell them that they are now my children and + must do what I say, even if I should order them to shoot down their own + parents. I wish to show the world that this is so, and that my soldiers + believe it and will act upon it. Such an army will inspire terror + indeed. Most of the prisoners are men, but I have included among them + two or three of the most abandoned women, who have been imprisoned for + criticizing my sacred person. You approve of my plan?" + + "I approve of all that Your Majesty ever suggests." + + "Of course it makes no difference whether you do or not, but I wish you + to have the prisoners brought ashore. You must seek out their + relatives among the troops, but do not let them know why. Then fix the + execution for some day next week, and have a general parade of all the + troops on that occasion." + + The Emperor's secret was well kept, and, except that a special parade + was to be held, no one knew what the object was. A glittering array of + soldiers met the war-lord's eyes when he entered the public square + where the army was drawn up. In pursuance of his orders the enlisted + men who were related to the prisoners were alined in front of the + center with a captain in command of them. The Emperor directed his + horse to the spot and addressed the whole army, applying his remarks + particularly, however, to the detail immediately before him. + + "My children," said he, "when you took the oath of allegiance as my + soldiers you became members of my family, and it became your solemn + duty to do my bidding, whatever that bidding might be. My word became + for you the Word of God. You gave your consciences into my keeping, + knowing that God had commissioned me to relieve you of that + responsibility. From that moment it was your aim to become perfect + soldiers, with your minds and consciences deposited in my hands for + safe-keeping. From that day forth you no longer had minds nor + consciences--your whole duty was summed up in the obligation to obey + orders. That is the soldier's only duty. And I know, my children, that + you are perfect soldiers and that you stand ever ready to do that duty. + Soldiers in other armies may occasionally forget their calling and + indulge in the forbidden fruits of reason and conscience, but the + Tutonian soldier never! We all know this. For us no proof is necessary. + But I wish to demonstrate the fact to the world. I have brought over + with me across the sea certain of your relations who have been guilty + of the unparalleled crime of lese-majesty. I have determined that they + deserve death, and that you shall carry out the execution. I have so + arranged it that each of the condemned shall be shot by his nearest + relation, be it father, son, or brother. You will show the world that + you are ready, nay, proud to carry out these my commands. I + congratulate you on being selected for this noble and patriotic task. + You are now before the footlights at the center of the world's stage. + Remember that the eyes of all mankind are upon you and that you are my + children. Field-marshal, carry out my orders!" + + Count von Balderdash gave some orders in an undertone; the troops + opened on the left, and disclosed a row of prisoners, including several + women, standing bound and blindfolded against a wall, each one at a + distance of several yards from his neighbor. The captain ordered the + detail into position, gave the necessary orders to load, aim, and fire, + and the condemned men and women fell to the ground, each one pierced by + the bullet of his or her near relation. + + The great concourse, composed largely of soldiers of the various + foreign armies (for most of them had now been withdrawn from the + Capital and Gin-Sin), looked on with wonder at this spectacle. Sam, who + was standing with the inventor Cope, scanned the faces of the + executioners with care, and was unable to detect the slightest sign of + emotion in them. They had not been prepared in the least for the + ordeal; they did not even know that their relations had been brought + from home, and yet they did their duty as soldiers without changing the + stolid expression of their faces. + + "Wonderful, wonderful!" he said to Cope. "These are indeed perfect + soldiers. Why, they move like clockwork, like marvelous machines. And + what a remarkable man the Emperor is--without question the first + soldier of his time and of all time. Was there ever anything like it?" + + "Never," answered the inventor. + + Sam walked back to his lodgings alone. He wished to think, and + purposely avoided company. He did not notice the soldiers in the + streets, nor the natives in their round, pointed straw hats. He ran + into a man carrying water in two buckets hung from the ends of a pole + balanced on his shoulders, and nearly upset his load. He started back + and collided with a native woman with a baby tied to her back. When he + reached his house, he sat down in an easy-chair in his bedroom and + thought and thought and thought. For some hours his mind was filled + with unmixed admiration for the Emperor and his army. He felt like an + artist who had just seen a new masterpiece that surpassed all the + achievements of the ages, or a musician who had listened to a new + symphony that summed up and transcended all that had ever gone before. + Again and again he pictured to himself the great war-lord in his helmet + and white plume, explaining so eloquently and admirably the duties of a + soldier, and then his soldiers obeying his orders as if their service + were a religion to them, as indeed it was. It grew dark, but Sam did + not heed the darkness. Dinner-time came and went, but he was in a + region far above such vulgar bodily needs. + + "Oh, if we only had an emperor," he thought,--"and such an emperor! Why + was I not born a Tutonian?" + + This was an unpatriotic thought, and Sam was ashamed of it. Yet it was + true, he would gladly have found himself one of His Majesty's subjects + and a member of his incomparable army. Then he recalled his memorable + interview with the Emperor, and rejoiced in the remembrance that he had + deserved and received his commendation. He tried to imagine how it + would feel to be one of his officers, or even one of his privates. If + he had been selected as one of the squad to show the perfection of + their discipline, how gladly he would have taken his place in line with + the rest! He would have obeyed without flinching, he was sure of it. He + put himself in the place of one of the squad. He is ordered to take his + position opposite one of the condemned. He looks and sees that it is + his Uncle George. Would he obey the order to shoot? Most certainly. The + musket goes off and his uncle falls. He goes through the list of his + friends and relations. He does not quite like to shoot the girls, but + he does it. It is his duty. His commander-in-chief, who represents his + Creator, has ordered it. He can rely implicitly on his wisdom. Then he + thinks of Cleary. Yes, he would shoot Cleary down without hesitation. + And then comes the turn of his father and mother. He has no trouble + with the former, for he is sure that his father as a man must + understand his feelings, and he sees a smile of approval on his face as + he, too, falls prostrate. With his mother it is more difficult. There + had not been much sympathy between them in recent years, yet he + recalled his early boyhood on the farm, and it went against him to aim + his piece at her. But after all it was his duty, and with an inaudible + sigh he pulled the trigger. It was done. No one could have noticed his + reluctance. It was quite likely that some of the soldiers that + afternoon felt as much compunction as that. But as Sam went over all + this long list of tests and passed them successfully, he felt, almost + unconsciously, that he was coming to a precipice. His sense of + happiness had left him, and he began to dread the end of his + cogitations. There was a trial in store that he was afraid of facing. + In order to postpone it he went over all his friends and relations + again, and added mere acquaintances to the list. He busied himself in + this way for an hour or two, but at last the final question forced + itself upon him and insisted upon an answer. Would he be willing to + shoot Marian under orders? It was with misgivings that he began to + imagine this episode. As before, he marched to his place and lifted his + rifle to aim. He sees before him the figure which had been haunting his + dreams ever since he left East Point. She is bound; a handkerchief is + tied over her eyes, but he sees the mouth and longs to kiss it. He has + a strong impulse to run forward and throw his arms around her. The + command "Fire!" is given, but--he does not shoot. He can not. He has + disobeyed orders! He, the man whose one aim in life has been to become + a perfect soldier, who only just now was considering himself fit to be + a soldier of the war-lord, had disobeyed orders; he had shown himself a + mutineer, a deserter, a traitor; he had lost his patriotism and + loyalty; he had dishonored the flag; he had trampled under foot all the + gods that he had worshiped now for many years. He had flatly broken + the only code of morals that he knew--he was a coward, a hypocrite, a + mere civilian, masquerading in the uniform of an officer! Sam buried + his face in his hands and the tears trickled down through his fingers. + Then he sprang up and walked to and fro for a long time. At last he + took Marian's photograph from his pocket and put it on his + dressing-table. He must be a man. He must hold true to his faith. He + screwed up his courage and went through the forms of the afternoon in + his room dimly lighted by lanterns in the street. He stood up in the + line before the Emperor, and again listened to his inspiring speech. + Now he felt sure that he would not fail. He placed himself opposite the + photograph when the order was given. He raised an imaginary gun and + aimed with assurance--but just then his eye fell upon the face which he + could barely distinguish. He saw Marian again as she had been when he + bade her farewell. True, she was as much a believer in the military + scheme of life as he was, but he knew by instinct that she would draw + the line somewhere. She was not created to be a martyr to her faith. + The order "Fire!" came, but Sam, instead of obeying, threw down his + musket and ran forward, seized the photograph and kissed it. He looked + up, half expecting to see a crowd of spectators eying him with + derision. He cast himself upon his bed with his clothes on and tossed + about for a long time, until at last sleep came to his relief. + + When he awoke in the morning the sun had long been up. In the first + moments of waking and before he opened his eyes, he could not recall + what it was that was troubling him. Suddenly the whole situation came + back to him, tenfold clearer than before. He saw at once beyond all + possibility of contradiction that he could not shoot Marian, no matter + who ordered him to do it; that for him the ideal of a perfect soldier + was altogether unattainable, and that he was obliged to admit to + himself that his entire life was a failure. The public might praise and + acclaim him, but he was essentially a fraud and could never secure his + own approval. + + + + + CHAPTER XIV + + Home Again + + [Illustration] + + + When Sam got up and began to undress to take his bath, his head swam so + that he was obliged to lie down again. He tried again two or three + times, but always with the same result, and finally he rang for a + servant and sent for an army surgeon. The doctor came at once, took his + temperature with a thermometer, and, after examining him, pronounced + that he had a bad attack of fever, probably typhoid. He advised him to + go to the hospital, and before noon Sam found himself comfortably + installed in a hospital bed, screened off by a movable partition from a + ward of fever patients. The doctor's surmise proved to be correct, and + for weeks he was dangerously ill, much of the time being delirious. He + suffered once or twice also from relapses, and showed very little + recuperative force when the fever finally left him. Meanwhile he was + very low-spirited. The idea preyed upon his mind that he was no soldier + and could never be one, and he felt that the resulting depression had a + great deal to do with his protracted illness. Cleary was assiduous in + his attentions, but, intimate as they were, Sam could never bring + himself to confess his culpable weakness to him. As he became + convalescent he had other visitors, and among them Mr. Cope, the + inventor of explosives and artillery. + + "I am at work at a great invention which I shall owe partly to you and + partly to the Emperor," said he on one occasion. "Do you remember that + at that execution the Emperor said that the perfect soldier has no + conscience or reason?" Sam winced. "And then you called my attention to + the fact that the men performed their part like machines. That set me + thinking. I am always on the lookout for suggestions, and there was one + ready-made. Do you see? Why shouldn't a machine be made to take the + place of a soldier? A great idea, isn't it? Now you see we've already + done something in that line. A torpedo is simply an iron soldier that + swims under water and needs no breath, and does as he is told. Think + how absurd it is in battle to have a field-battery come up under fire + at a gallop! They swing round, unlimber, load, and fire, then harness + again, swing round again, and off they are. Meanwhile perhaps half the + men and horses have been killed. Wouldn't it be better to have the + whole battery a machine, instead of only the guns? The general could + stay behind out of range, as he does to-day, and direct the whole thing + with an electric battery and a telescope. It is not a difficult matter + when you once accept the principle, and the principle can be extended + to cavalry and infantry just as well. It will be a great thing for the + nations that are best at mechanics, and that means you and us." + + "I don't see," said Sam, "how you can get on without the courage of + brave men." + + "Courage! Why, what is more courageous than a piece of steel? It + wouldn't be easy to frighten it. And it is just so with all soldierly + qualities. Do you want obedience? What is more obedient than a machine? + I suppose you admit that a human soldier may disobey orders sometimes." + + "Perhaps," said Sam, blushing uneasily. + + "You may be sure that a steel soldier won't unless he is disabled, and + a human soldier may be disabled too. Then the Emperor said a soldier + should not reason. There's no danger of a steel soldier trying that. + + "'Theirs not to reason why. + Theirs but to do and die.' + + "Why, the Light Brigade at Balaklava won't be in it with them. And it's + just the same with regard to conscience. A piece of steel has no + conscience. What we want is a machine soldier. A soldier must be + obedient, and he must be without fear, conscience, or a mind of his + own. In all these respects a machine can surpass a man. Why, you + yourself, in praising those Tutonian soldiers, said that they went like + clockwork. That's the highest military praise possible." + + Sam was much disturbed by this conversation. Mr. Cope went on to tell + how his Government had spent L23,000 to fire a single shot and test one + of his new projectiles, but Sam was not interested. Then the inventor + began to rally him about the lack of interest of soldiers in the + inventions which they used. + + "If you had had to depend on yourselves for inventions," he said, "you + would still be fighting with cross-bows, or perhaps more likely with + your teeth and finger-nails. No soldier ever invented anything. We + inventors are the real military men." + + At last Sam's unconscious tormentor took his departure, and the invalid + rang for the hospital orderly so that he might tell him not to let him + in again. To his surprise a new orderly appeared, a negro whose face + was strangely familiar. + + "What is it, sah?" he said. + + "Is that you, Mose?" cried Sam. "Why, it's almost as good as being at + home again." + + "Bress my soul, Massa Jinks--I mean General, have you been a-hurtin' + yourself again?" and the man chuckled to himself till his whole body + shook. Under Mose's care Sam made more rapid progress and soon was able + to go out in a sedan-chair, borne by three men, like a mandarin. The + winter passed away and spring was about to set in. There was no + prospect of active service in Porsslania, the Powers being unable to + agree upon any policy. The Emperor had already gone home, and the + various armies were much reduced in strength. Cleary had been ordered + to return by his newspaper, and had taken passage in a passenger + steamer for the first of May. + + "Why can't you come with me?" he said to Sam. "You're entitled to a + leave of absence, and when you get to Whoppington you can apply for + some other berth." + + Sam followed this wise advice and obtained a furlough of three months, + and on the day fixed for sailing they embarked for home. + + Sam was still an invalid, but the voyage did him a great deal of good, + and before they had been a week at sea he began to look quite like his + old self. There were few passengers who interested him, but he became + acquainted with one man of note, a Porsslanese literatus, who was + attached to the legation at Whoppington, and sat on the other side of + the captain of the steamer at meals. This gentleman, who bore the name + of Chung Tu, was greatly interested in military matters and listened to + Sam's accounts by the hour. The night before their arrival at St. + Kisco, the regular dinner was, as usual, converted into a banquet, and + a band was improvised for the occasion. At the close of dinner the + martial hymns of all nations were played, ending with "Yankee Doodle." + It was impossible to resist the impulse to laugh as this national jig + brought up the rear, and Sam was much displeased that the foreigners + on board, and there were many, should have laughed at his country. When + he went up on deck he found Cleary conversing with Chung Tu, and he + placed his steamer-chair beside theirs and joined the conversation. + + "It's a great pity," said he, "that we have such a national air as + 'Yankee Doodle.' It holds us up to ridicule." + + "Do you think so?" answered Chung Tu, who spoke English perfectly. + "That depends upon the point of view. You see you take the military + point of view. We Porsslanese are not a military nation. We do not + think much of armies. We do not try to spread our territory by force, + and we never encroach on our neighbors' land, altho we are really + overcrowded. Perhaps that is the reason people dislike us. We are not + much of an empire either. We have very little central authority, and + only a handful of officials. We have free speech, and even the Emperor + can be freely criticized without fear. We have no conscription, and no + one need carry a passport, as they have to in some countries. We are + almost a democracy. We have no exclusive hereditary rank. Any one may + become a mandarin if he learns enough to deserve it. We only wanted to + be left alone without armies, and we did not want to buy guns and + ships. That is all. We are almost a democracy, and that is the reason + that I have always studied your history with care. I have studied your + state papers and your hymns. I have made a special study of them, and I + have come to the opposite conclusion from you as to 'Yankee Doodle.' It + seems to me to be the work of a great poet and prophet." + + "What do you mean?" asked Sam. + + "Let us consider it seriously," said Chung Tu. "Have you a copy of it?" + + "No," said Sam, laughing. + + "Then please repeat it for us, and I will write it down." + + Sam began to recite, but he found it difficult to keep his face + straight: + + "'Yankee Doodle went to town, + Riding on a pony. + He stuck a feather in his crown + And called him macaroni.'" + + "That is not like my version," said the attache, pulling a piece of + paper from the pocket of his silk jacket. "Here is mine," and he read + it solemnly and with emphasis: + + "'Yankee Doodle came to town, + A-riding on a pony. + He stuck a feather in his cap + And called it macaroni.' + + "Which reading is correct?" he asked of Cleary. + + "I'm sure I don't know," said Cleary, laughing. + + "How careless you are of your country's literature! In Porsslania we + would carefully guard the sayings of our ancestors and preserve them + from alteration. You have what you call the 'higher criticism.' You + should direct it to the correction of this most important poem. I have + studied the matter as carefully and accurately as a foreigner can, and + I am satisfied that my version is the most authentic. Come now, let us + study it. Take the first two lines: + + "'Yankee Doodle came to town + A-riding on a pony.' + + "There is nothing difficult in that. You may say that the name is a + strange one, and I admit that 'Doodle' is a curious surname, but 'Yang + Kee' is a perfectly reasonable one from a Porsslanese point of view, + and leads me to suppose that the wisdom contained in this poem came + originally from our wise men. Perhaps the name is put there as an + indication of the fact. However, let us accept the name. The hero came + to town riding on a pony. That was a very sensible thing to do. + Remember that those lines were written long before the discovery of + railways or tram-cars or bicycles or automobiles. You may say that he + might have taken a carriage or one of your buggies, but you forget that + the roads were exceedingly bad in those days, as bad as our roads near + the Imperial City, and it would have been dangerous perhaps to attempt + the journey in a vehicle of any kind. In riding to town on a pony, + then, he was acting like a rational man. But let us read the rest of + the verse: + + "'He stuck a feather in his cap + And called it macaroni.' + + "For some reason or other which is not revealed, he puts a feather in + his cap, and immediately he begins to act irrationally and to use + language so absurd that the reading itself has become doubtful. What is + the meaning of this? A man whose conduct has always been reasonable and + unexceptionable, suddenly adopts the language of a lunatic. What does + it mean? You have sung this verse for a century and more, and you have + never taken the trouble to seek for the meaning." + + Sam and Cleary did not attempt to defend their neglect. + + "It is clear to me," proceeded the philosopher, "it is very clear to me + that it is an allegory. What is the feather which he puts in his cap? + It is the most conspicuous feature of the military uniform, the plume, + the pompon, which marks all kinds of military dress-hats. When he + speaks of his hero as having assumed the feather, he means that he has + donned the uniform of a soldier. He has come to town, in other words, + to enlist. Then behold the transformation! He begins at once to act + irrationally. The whole epic paints in never-fading colors the + disastrous effect upon the intellect of putting on soldier-clothes. You + will pardon me, my friends, if I speak thus plainly, but I must open to + you the hidden wisdom of your own country." + + Sam smiled. The idea of taking offense at any nonsense which an + ignorant pagan should say was quite beneath him. + + "But that is not all. The style of the language and of the music is + most noteworthy. It is highly comical, and its object evidently is to + provoke a laugh, and at dinner this evening we saw that its object was + attained. All the other martial hymns to which we listened were grave, + ponderous compositions from which the element of humor was rigidly + excluded. It was left for the author of 'Yang Kee' to uncover the + ludicrous character of militarism--he has virtually committed your + nation to it. He was a genius of marvelous insight. He saw clearly then + what but few of your fellow citizens are even now aware of, that there + is nothing more comical than a soldier. I am convinced that he was a + Porsslanese who had the good fortune to sow in your literature the seed + of truth. You think that as a nation you have a sense of humor. I have + studied your humorous literature. You laugh at mothers-in-law and + messenger-boys and domestic servants, and many other objects which are + altogether serious and have no element of humor in them, and at the + same time you are blind to the most absurd of spectacles, the man who + dresses up in feathers and gold lace and thinks it is honorable to do + nothing for years but wait for a pretext to kill somebody," and Chung + Tu leaned back in his chair and smiled. + + "It is we who have the sense of humor," he added. "When our common + people laughed at the Emperor in his uniforms, they showed the same + sound sense that appears in 'Yang Kee.' I thank you, my dear friends, + for listening to me so kindly and without anger, but I hope to preach + these ideas to your people, and as I take my text from your national + hymn, they must listen to me. Then there is another common expression + among you which shows, as so many proverbs do, the fundamental truth. + When a story is incredible you say 'Tell that to the marines,' + signifying that only a marine would be stupid enough to believe it. Now + what is a marine? As the Anglian poet says, he is 'soldier and sailor + too,' in other words, he epitomizes the army and navy. It is the + military man who is foolish enough to believe anything and who keeps + alive the most absurd superstitions and customs. The ancient Greeks + cast a side-light on this truth, for their word for private soldier was + 'idiot.' And on account of this strange stupidity of soldiers, things + that would be disgraceful in private life become glorious in war. Their + one virtue is obedience, unqualified by any of the balancing virtues, + and they wear liveries to show that they are servile. And then the + foolish things they try to do! You are familiar with the Peace + Conference--generals and admirals spending weeks in uniform with swords + at their sides to determine how to stop fighting, as if there were + anything to do but to stop! I believe they had the grace to turn the + war pictures in the conference room to the wall. But fancy sending + butchers to a conference in the interests of vegetarianism! Of course + nothing was done or could be done there. And the Emperor in his + uniform, drunk with militarism, wanted us--all our nation--wanted + _me_--to kow-tow before him as if he were a god! But he did not get + what he wanted from us. His own people may grovel before him, but we + will not. Oh, these soldiers, these soldiers! You look down on your + hangmen and butchers. We look down on our men-butchers, the soldiers, + in the same way. We have soldiers just as you have police, but it is a + low calling with us, and most people would be ashamed to have a soldier + in the family. Pardon me, my dear sirs. Perhaps I have spoken too + plainly. I mean nothing personal, but when I think of these wars, I + can not control my tongue. Good-night." + + So saying, the attache gathered up his robes and went below. + + "Queer chap," said Sam. "He must be crazy." + + "We've treated them rather badly, tho," said Cleary. "I'm glad Taffy + hasn't had any executions, but our minister and all the rest have been + insisting on executions of their big people, and no one talks of + executing any of ours, altho they have suffered ten times as much as we + have." + + "You forget how the affair began," said Sam. "Suppose the Porsslanese + had sent us missionaries to teach us their religion, and these + missionaries had gradually got possession of land and also some local + power of governing, and then we had ruthlessly murdered some of them + and they had seized all our ports for the purpose of benefiting us, do + you suppose that we would have risen like those miserable Fencers and + massacred anybody? It is inconceivable. They have the strangest + aversion to foreigners too." + + "Some of them haven't," said Cleary. "Chung Tu is a friendly old soul, + if he is cracked. He says he believes the Powers have been turned loose + on his country to punish them for having invented gunpowder. He laughs + at Cope's inventions. He says his people set the fashion, and then + wisely stopped when they found that such inventions did more harm than + good. I think they have a right to complain of us. Why, there's one of + our soldiers in the steerage with seventeen of their pigtails with the + scalps still fastened to them as trophies! Old Chung says our ribbons + and decorations are the equivalent of the scalps dangling at a savage's + belt. I didn't tell him we had the genuine article. But, come, you had + better turn in. You'll have a hard day to-morrow. I've advertised your + coming for all I was worth, and if they don't give you a send-off at + St. Kisco, it isn't my fault. I'm glad you're well enough to stand it." + + "I'm not as well as I look," said Sam. "I've lost all my nerve. I'm + even worrying a little about all my loot in those cases in the hold. It + sometimes seems that I oughtn't to have taken it." + + "What!" cried Cleary. "Well, you are getting squeamish! After all the + fellows you've killed or had killed, I shouldn't mind an ornament or + two." + + "Killing is a soldier's main business," said Sam. "Oh, well, I suppose + looting is, too. I won't think anything more about it. Good-night." + + While Sam and his friend were conversing on deck, another conversation + which was to have a portentous effect upon the former's destiny was + taking place in the upper corridor of the Peckham Young Ladies' + Seminary at St. Kisco. + + "He's perfectly lovely," said a young lady, standing barefoot before + her door in her night-dress to a group of young ladies similarly + attired. "I've got his photograph. And I'm not just going to stand + still and see him pass. It's all very well to have the school drawn up + in line on the wharf--that's better than nothing--but I want something + more, and I'm going to have it." + + "What will you do, Sally?" they all cried. + + "I'm going to kiss him--there!" said she. + + "Oh, Sally!" + + "Yes, I will too." + + "I believe she will if she says so," said one of the girls. "She won't + stop at anything. Well, Sally Watson, if you kiss him, I will to." + + "And I!" "And I!" exclaimed the others; but at that moment a step was + heard on the stairs, and the Peckham young ladies sought their beds and + pretended very hard to be asleep, altho their hearts were thumping + against their ribs at the mere thought of their daring resolution. + + It was at ten o'clock the next morning that the steamer came alongside + the wharf. The city was in gala dress and flags waved everywhere. The + day was observed almost as a holiday, and many schools permitted their + pupils to take part in the procession which awaited the arrival of + Captain Jinks, as Sam was now commonly known in his native land. A + reception was arranged for him at the City Hall, and the Mayor came + down to the steamer in a carriage with four horses to escort him + thither. From the deck Sam could see a banner stretched across the + street, on which was an inscription to the "Hero of San Diego, the + Subduer of the Moritos, the Capturer of Gomaldo, the Conqueror of the + Great White Temple, and the Friend and Instructor of the Emperor." A + few months before, Sam would have enjoyed this display without alloy, + but now his health was really shattered, and in the bottom of his heart + he felt that he was unworthy of it all, for he was not the perfect + soldier he had believed he was, and under his uniform beat the heart of + a vulgar civilian. His military instincts had their limit; his + obedience could only be relied upon under certain circumstances. He was + a mere amateur, and had no claim to rank as a military hero at all. + + A swarm of reporters settled down upon General Jinks as soon as they + could get on board, insisting upon having his opinion as to the growth + of the city since he had seen it, the superiority of its climate to + that of any part of the world, and the beauty of its women. Sam + answered all these questions satisfactorily, and surrendered himself to + the committee of citizens who had come on deck to welcome him. His + luggage was passed without delay by the Custom House officials, and he + was conducted down the wharf toward the carriage which awaited him. + With true chivalry young ladies' schools had been given the best + positions on the wharf, and Sam soon found himself passing through a + double row of pretty girls. He could hear such remarks as this: + + "Isn't he good-looking!" + + "What a lovely uniform!" + + "Hasn't he got a fascinating limp!" + + "How pale he is!" + + "He does look just like a hero." + + Sam flushed slightly at these comments, but suddenly, before he had + time to collect his thoughts, a slight form sprang forward from the + left and an inviting face presented itself to his, and with the words, + "May I, please?" a hearty kiss was planted on his lips. Sam had no + time to decline, if he had wished to. A murmur of surprise and delight + arose from the crowd, and in another moment another damsel rushed upon + him, and then another and another. Before long he was the center of a + throng of elbowing young ladies of all kinds, fair, plain, and + indifferent, all bent upon giving him a kiss. Sam had indeed lost his + nerve; for the first time in his life he capitulated absolutely and let + the attacking party work its sweet will. It was with great difficulty + that he was rescued by the reception committee and finally seated next + to the Mayor in the landau. + + "What a lot of cab-drivers you have there on the wharf!" said Sam to + the Mayor, after their first greetings. "I never saw so many. Hear them + crying out to the passengers coming ashore!" + + "They're not cab-drivers," he answered. "They're pension agents. + They're not crying 'Want a cab?' but 'Want a pension?'" + + "So they are," said Sam. "What is that tune the young ladies are + beginning to sing?" + + "Don't you know?" said the Mayor, laughing. "It's 'Captain Jinks.' + You'll know it well enough before you are here long. Listen." + + Sam listened and heard sung for the first time lines that were to be + imprinted upon his tympanum until they became a torture: + + "I'm Captain Jinks of the Cubapines, + The pink of human war-machines, + Who teaches emperors, kings, and queens + The way to run an army." + + The news of the kissing reached the City Hall before the procession, + and when he alighted there Sam had to kiss an immense number of women + who were determined not to be outdone by their sisters at the wharf, + while the whole crowd sang "Captain Jinks" in a frenzy of enthusiasm. + The reception accorded to Sam at St. Kisco was so elaborate, and the + arrangements made to do him honor were so extended, that he was obliged + to stay there for several days. Meanwhile the news of his arrival and + of his gallantry in kissing his countrywomen, young and old, spread all + over the land and took hold of the popular imagination. Invitations to + visit various cities on his way across the Continent began to come in, + and everywhere Sam was acclaimed as the hero and idol of the people. + + "It's great, it's great, old man!" cried Cleary. "Why, that kissing + business is worth a dozen victories! The people here say that no + general or admiral has had such a send-off in St. Kisco. Look at + to-day's papers! Thirteen places have petitioned to have their + post-offices named after you. There will be Jinksvilles and Jinkstowns + everywhere, and one is called Samjinks. Then they're naming their + babies after you like wildfire. Samuela is becoming a common girl's + name, and one chap has called his girl Samjinksina. All the girls are + practising the Jinks limp, too. I saw one huge picture of you painted + on the dead side of a house. It was an ad. of the 'Captain Jinks 5-cent + Cigar.' That's the limit of a man's ambition, I should say. And now + they're beginning to nominate you for President. I'm going to try to + work that up. I'm sending a despatch to _The Lyre_ this morning. If + they take it up, we can put it through. The Republicrats hold their + convention at St. Lewis next month, and they've been looking around for + a military candidate, and you're just the thing. Every woman in the + country will be for you. They won't dare to put up a candidate against + you. You'll just have a walk-over. That song, 'Captain Jinks,' will do + it alone. Everybody is singing it." + + "I thought I was too young," said Sam. "Isn't there an age limit?" + + "Not a bit of it. They abolished that when they amended the + Constitution and made the President's term six years, and made him + ineligible for reelection." + + "I'd rather have a military position," said Sam. "I'd rather be general + of the army. But I've lost my nerve--I'm not well; and perhaps it's + just as well that I should take a civilian position." + + "Civilian position! Nonsense! The President is commander-in-chief of + the army and navy, and the marines, too, for that matter." + + "But he hasn't a uniform," said Sam sorrowfully. "And as for all this + kissing, I'm sick of it. It tires me to death, and I don't know what + Marian will think of it. I've written to explain that I can't help it, + but she will see the reports first in the papers and she may not like + it at all." + + "Oh, she's a sensible woman," said Cleary. "She will understand a + political and military necessity. She won't mind." + + + + + CHAPTER XV + + Politics + + [Illustration] + + + But Marian did mind, and for once Cleary was mistaken. She was + delighted at the prominence which Sam had achieved, and saw him + mentioned as a candidate for President with pride and gratification, + but she did not see how that excused his promiscuous osculation of the + female population of the country, and she determined that it should + cease. She wrote to him frequently and decidedly on the subject, and he + reported her protests to Cleary, who absolutely refused to allow them. + + "It won't do," said he, as they discussed the subject at a hotel in a + small city on their line of progress. "This kissing is your strong + point. _The Lyre_ is backing you up on the strength of it. So is the + Benevolent Assimilation Trust, Limited. In every city and town the + girls have turned out, and you've captured them hands down. If you stop + now it will upset the whole business. The Convention delegates are + coming out for you by the dozen. Our committee is working it up so that + it will be nearly unanimous. There won't be another serious candidate, + and I doubt if they put anybody up against you when you're nominated. + You're as good as President now, but you must go on kissing. That's all + there is of it." + + Sam wrote to Marian rehearsing these arguments, and he got Cleary to + write too, but the letters had no effect. At last he received a + telegram from her announcing her intention of meeting him at St. Lewis. + She reached that city before him and was present at the station when he + arrived, altho he did not know it, and from a good point of vantage + she saw him kissing the young ladies of that city by wholesale to an + accompaniment of "Captain Jinks." It was more than she could stand, and + when she joined her _fiance_ at the hotel the meeting was very + different from the one he had so often pictured to himself. It was a + stormy scene, intermixed with tender episodes, but she gave it as her + ultimatum that the kissing must cease forthwith, and, in order to give + a good reason for it, she insisted that they be married at once. Sam + was willing to take this course, and Cleary was called into their + counsels. At first he bitterly opposed the project, but Marian's + blandishments finally succeeded, and she gained him as an ally. He was + sent as an emissary to the campaign committee and presented the case as + strongly as he could for her. The proposition really seemed most + plausible. Could anything help the chances of a candidate more than his + marriage to a handsome young woman? The committee had doubts on the + subject and waited in person on Miss Hunter, but she persuaded them as + she had persuaded Cleary, and furthermore convinced them that whether + they were persuaded or not the marriage would take place. Marian + determined to fix the hour for the next day. She pledged the committee + to secrecy, and no word of the proposed wedding got into the papers. At + noon a clergyman was called into the hotel, and in Sam's private + sitting-room the pair were married with Cleary and a few of the members + of the committee as witnesses. Almost before the ceremony was over they + could hear the newsboys crying out the tidings of the event. + + "It's out of the question to talk about a wedding-tour," said Sam, + after the ceremony. "I can't walk in the streets alone without being + mobbed, and with Marian we could not keep the clothes on our backs. + Just hear them singing 'Captain Jinks' now!" + + "Mark my words, dear," said his wife. "You will see when we get the + papers to-morrow with the news of our marriage, that it has made you + more popular than ever. Now send out word to the reporters that you + will not do any more public kissing." + + In obedience to these orders Cleary, acting as go-between, conveyed the + information as gently as he could to the representatives of the press, + that as a married man General Jinks expected to be spared the ordeal of + embracing all the young ladies of the country. + + No one was prepared for the striking effect which this news, coupled + with that of the marriage, had upon the newspapers and their readers. + The first papers which Sam and his wife saw on the following morning + were those of St. Lewis. They expressed sorrow at the fact that Captain + Jinks had taken such a resolution when only a handful of the fair women + of St. Lewis had had the opportunity of saluting him. Were they less + beautiful and attractive than the ladies of St. Kisco who had kissed + him to their hearts' content? Marian was visibly annoyed when she saw + these articles, but she advised her husband to wait till they received + the papers from other cities. These journals came, but, alas! they went + rapidly from bad to worse. The Eastern papers with scarcely an + exception took up the strain of those of St. Lewis. Why did Captain + Jinks discriminate against the women of the East? He had kissed the + whole West. Probably he had also kissed all the women of the Cubapines + and Porsslania. It was only the women of the East that he could not + find heart to salute in the same way. Here was a hero indeed, who + insulted one-half of his own nation! It might have been expected that + the Western press would have come to Sam's support, but they did not. + They accused him of gross deception in not announcing that he had been + from the first engaged to be married. Their young women had been + fraudulently induced to kiss lips which had already been monopolized, + but which they had been led to believe to be as free as the air of + heaven. Black indeed must be the soul of a man who could stoop to such + deception! As the days went on the public became more excited and the + attacks more ferocious. It was rumored that his _fiancee_ had married + him against his will, that she was a virago and a termagant. Would the + country be contented to see the Executive Mansion ruled by petticoats, + and by those of a hussy at that? What sort of a hero was the man who + could be ordered about by a woman and could not call his soul his own? + Then they began to overhaul his record. Was he really the hero of San + Diego? Was it not the mistakes of Gomaldo which caused his defeat? Was + it not true that the boasted subjugation of the Moritos was brought + about by the superstitious fear of the savages inspired by the figures + tattooed on the captain's body? And the capture of Gomaldo, was it + anything but a green-goods game on a large scale? What, too, was the + burning of the great White Temple but an act of vandalism? And as for + the friendship and praise of the Emperor, who was the Emperor, anyway, + but an effete product of an exhausted civilization? Then had not + Captain Jinks opposed the promotion of men from the ranks? What sort of + a democrat was this? Sam felt these thrusts keenly. He had had no idea + of the fickleness of the people, and it was hard to believe that in a + single day they had ceased to adore him and begun to revile him; and + yet such was the case. Marian was also overcome with mortification, and + she heaped reproaches upon him for their forlorn condition. Cleary + proved himself to be a stanch friend. + + "It's too bad, old man," he said. "It'll blow over, but you'll have to + withdraw a while for repairs. The bottom has dropped out of your boom, + and of course you can't be a candidate for President. Let's go quietly + home. I'll go along with you. _The Lyre_ has had to drop you for the + time. _Scribblers'_ has sent back the first article I wrote for you, + and they say your name has lost its commercial value. I've seen Jonas. + He's here to make sure of a friendly candidate, and he says you're out + of the question. He's doing well, I tell you. I asked him how it paid + to run a war for half a million a day and get a trade in return of a + few millions a year? 'It's the people pay for the war and we get the + trade,' said he. He'd like to have you President to help them along, + but he says it won't be possible. It's a shame. You'd have run so well, + if----Your platform of 'Old Gory, the Army and Navy,' would have swept + everything before it. But never mind. We'll try it again some day. I + suppose your luck couldn't hold out forever." + + "Thanks, my dear Cleary," said Sam, grasping his hand. "You've been a + true friend. I don't think it makes much difference. I am a sick man, + and I must go home as soon as I can." + + + + + CHAPTER XVI + + The End + + [Illustration] + + + Sam was indeed a sick man, and the journey to the East proved to be a + severe strain upon him. Cleary saw that it would be unwise to let him + travel alone with his wife, and accordingly he accompanied him to + Slowburgh, which was on the way to Homeville. They arrived in the + afternoon, and Sam could hardly walk to the carriage which awaited him. + He was put to bed as soon as he reached his uncle's house, and on the + advice of his uncle's doctor they sent at once to the county town for a + trained nurse to take charge of him, for it was out of the question for + him to travel farther. There was no train which Cleary could + conveniently take that evening to the metropolis, and he accepted the + urgent invitation of Congressman Jinks to spend the night. It so + happened that it was a gala day for Slowburgh. Four of her soldier sons + had returned a few days before from Porsslania and the Cubapines, and + this day had been set aside for a great celebration and a mass-meeting + at the Methodist church to welcome them. The procession was to take + place early in the evening, and after supper Cleary went out alone to + watch the proceedings, leaving his friend to the care of his relatives. + He took his place on the curbstone of the principal street and was soon + conversing with his neighbors on each side, one of whom was our old + friend, Mr. Reddy, and the other the young insurance agent whose + acquaintance Sam had made at the hotel. + + "It's going to be a great show," said the former. "I wish I was spry + enough to parade too. It's going to be splendid, but it won't come up + to the time we had when I came back from the war. They've kept them + four boys drunk three days for nothing, but we was drunk a month." + + "They've sobered them down for this evening, I believe," said the young + man. + + "They've done their best," said Reddy, "and I think they'll go through + with it all right. It's a great time for them, but they'll have their + pension days all the rest of their lives to remind them of it, four + times a year." + + "Who are going to take part in the procession?" asked Cleary. + + "They're going to have all the military companies and patriotic + societies of these parts," answered Reddy, "and then the firemen too of + course; but they won't amount to much, for most of them are in the + societies, and they'd rather turn out in them." + + "What societies are there?" said Cleary. + + "Oh, there's the Grandsons of the Revolution and the Genuine Grandsons + of the Revolution, and the Daughters of Revolutionary Camp-Followers + and the Genuine Daughters, and then the Male Descendants of Second + Cousins of Heroes, and the Genuine Male Descendants, and the + Connections by Marriage of Colonial Tax-Collectors, and then the + Genuine Connections, and a lot of others I can't remember." + + "The names seem to go in pairs," said Cleary. + + "Well, you see, they always have a fight about something in these + military societies, and then they split, and the party that splits away + always takes the same name and puts 'Genuine' in front of it. That's + the way it is." + + "I suppose these societies do a lot of good, don't they?" asked Cleary. + "These splits and quarrels remind me of the army. They must spread the + military spirit among the people." + + "Yes, they do," said the young man. "It's what they call _esprit de + corps_. If fighting is military, they fight and no mistake, and the + women fight more than the men. I don't know how many lawsuits they've + had. Half of them won't speak to the other half. But they're all united + on one thing, I can tell you, and that is in wanting to put down the + Cubapinos." + + "That they are," cried Reddy. "That's why they call 'em 'Patriotic + Societies.' It was our ancestors as fought for freedom that they made + the societies for. Our ancestors were patriotic and fought for freedom + oncet, and now we're going to be patriotic and stick by the government + just like they did." + + "Yes, they fought for freedom, that's true. And what are the Cubapinos + fighting for?" asked the young man. + + "Oh, shucks!" cried Reddy. "I ain't a-going to argher with you. What + were we talking about? Oh, yes. We were saying that them societies + fight together. They do fight a good deal, that's a fact, and there's + no end of trouble in our militia battalion too. They all want to be + captain, and they don't get on somehow as well as the fire companies. + But still it's a fine thing to see all this military spirit. I didn't + see a uniform for years, and now you can't hire a man to dig a ditch + who hasn't got a stripe on one leg of his trousers at any rate. Girls + like soldiers, I tell you, and they like pensions too. I've just got + married myself. My wife is seventeen. Now I've drawed my pension for + nearly forty years, and she'll draw it for sixty more if she has any + luck; that'll make over a hundred. That's something like. Why, if one + of these fellows is twenty now and marries a girl of seventeen when + he's ninety, and she lives till she's ninety, they can keep drawing + money for a hundred and fifty years, and no mistake. It's better than a + savings bank. Here they come!" + + The procession had formed round the corner at the other end of the main + street, and now the band began to play, and the column could be seen + advancing. First the band passed with an escort of small boys running + along in the gutter on either side. Then came two carriages containing + the heroes, two in each. They held themselves stiffly and took off + their hats, and no one would have supposed that they had drunk too much + if the fact had not been universally understood by the public. Behind + them came a line of other carriages in which were seated the magnates + of the town, including the office-holders and the prominent business + men. They all had that self-important air which is inseparable from + such shows and which denotes that the individual is feeling either like + a great man or a fool. Then came the militia battalion, a rather + shamefaced lot of young men who seemed to be painfully aware that they + were not at all real heroes like the soldiers in the carriages, but + merely make-believe imitations. The patriotic societies followed, + genuine and non-genuine, resplendent in "insignia," sashes, and badges. + + "There's my wife, she's a G.C.M.C.T.C.," said Reddy proudly, pointing + out a very plain young woman with gold spectacles. "And here come the + Genuine Ancestors of Future Veterans. See that old woman there on the + other side? She made all the fuss. You see when anybody wants to get + into a society and finds they can't get in they go off and start + another. And some people that hadn't any tax collectors or connections + or anything, they just got up the 'Ancestors of Future Veterans,' and + everybody in town wanted to get into that. And old Miss Blunt there, + she wanted to come in too, and she's over seventy, and they said she + couldn't be an ancestor nohow, and she said she could and she would, + and they voted forty-one to forty against her, and the forty went off + and founded the Genuine Ancestors, and they're twice as big as the + others now. Hear 'em applaud?" + + The old lady walked along with a martial tread, and was loudly cheered + as she passed. + + "Now we'd better get into the church if we want seats," said the young + man, and Cleary followed him, leaving the ancient warrior behind. The + church was very crowded and very hot, and Cleary had to sit on a step + of the platform, but it was an exhibition of patriotism worth + beholding. The band played with great gusto, and the whole audience was + at the highest pitch of excitement. The chairman made an address, and + Josh Thatcher responded in a few words for himself and his three + companions. Then flowers were presented to them, and a little girl + recited the "Charge of the Light Brigade," but the main feature of the + program was the oration of Dr. Taylor, the pastor of the church. He was + famed as an orator not only in his denomination and in the county but + in the National Order of Total Abstinence, of which he was a leading + light. In his address he welcomed the four heroes back to their hearths + and firesides. He thanked them for having conquered so many lands and + spread the blessings of civilization and Christianity to the ends of + the earth. + + "We have been told, my friends, by wicked and unpatriotic scoffers, + that these wars have stirred up the passions of our people, that there + are more lynchings and deeds of violence than ever before, and that + negro soldiers returning from the war have shot down citizens from + car-windows. I have even been told that its effect is to be seen in the + attempts of worthy citizens, including a distinguished judge, to have + the whipping-post reestablished in our midst. I can only say for myself + that such traitors and traducers should be the first victims of the + whipping-post. (Cheers.) So far from crime having increased since the + departure of these young heroes, I can testify that there has been a + marked decrease in our community. Since they left, not a single barn + has been burned, not a chicken stolen. My friend, Mrs. Crane, informs + me that she keeps more chickens than ever before, and that she has not + missed one in over a year. I am also told that during the absence of + these young men the amount of liquor drunk in our town has sensibly + diminished. The war then has been a blessing to us and to our nation." + + During these remarks Josh Thatcher, who was sitting in the front row, + gave sundry digs in the ribs to his cousin Tom, and they both laughed + aloud. + + "We welcome our heroes back," continued the orator. "We open our arms + to them. All that we have is theirs. We applaud their manly courage and + Christian self-sacrifice. We shall never, never forget their services, + and we shall recite their noble deeds to our children and to our + children's children." + + The meeting broke up with three cheers and a tiger for each of the four + heroes. For an hour later the crowds stood in the street talking over + the great events of the day, each of the young veterans forming the + center of an admiring group, Tom Thatcher being surrounded by a bevy of + pretty girls who seemed to find nothing objectionable in his pimpled + face and hoarse voice. Cleary stood for a long time watching them and + talking with the insurance man. + + "It's their night," said the latter, "but it won't last long. We know + them too well. When the barns begin to burn again, folks'll all know + what it means. I wish they'd keep a war going a long way off forever + for these fellows. It would be a good riddance. And that's all talk of + old Taylor's anyway. He won't take them to his heart, not by a great + deal. I heard Dave Black ask him for a job to-day, and he wants a man + too, and he said, 'What--an ex-soldier? Not much!' The words were out + of his mouth before he knew what he'd said. He's a slick one." + + When Cleary returned to Mr. Jinks' house, he found Sam much worse, and + the gravest fears were entertained as to his recovery. In the morning + he was a little easier, and Cleary was able to have a little talk with + him before he left. Sam had been told by the doctor that his condition + was serious, and he had no desire to get well. + + "You must brace up, old man," said Cleary cheerily. "I'll come back in + a few days and we'll lay out our plans for the future. You're the + finest soldier that ever lived, and I haven't done with you yet." + + "Don't say that, don't say that!" cried Sam. "I'm no soldier at all. I + wanted to be a perfect soldier, and I can't. It's that that's breaking + my heart. I don't mind the nomination for President nor anything else + in comparison. My poor wife! Why did I let her marry a coward like me? + I can't tell you now, but if I'm alive when you come here again I'll + tell you all." + + "Nonsense, old man," said Cleary. "You've got the fever on you again. + It's in your blood. When it gets out, you'll be all right." + + It was with tears in his eyes that Cleary bade his friend good-by, for + he could see that he was a very sick man. It was impossible, however, + for him to remain longer, and as Sam's wife and cousin were there to + nurse him, and his father and mother had been telegraphed for, he felt + that there was no necessity for him to remain. + + After the lapse of three weeks Cleary received the sad news that Sam + had shown unmistakable signs of insanity and had been removed to an + insane asylum. His father wrote that while his insanity was of a mild + form, the doctors thought it best for him to be placed in an + institution where he could receive the most scientific treatment. Six + months later Cleary, who was now one of the editors of the _Lyre_, + went on a sad pilgrimage to see his friend. The asylum was several + hours away from the metropolis beyond East Point, and was none other + than the great building which they had described to the chief of the + Moritos. Cleary took a carriage at the station and drove to his + destination, and at last arrived at the huge edifice in the midst of + its wide domain. He went into the reception-room and explained his + errand. After a while a young doctor came to him, and told him that he + could have an interview with Captain Jinks at once, and offered to act + as his guide. It was a long walk through corridors and passages and up + winding stairs to Sam's apartment, and Cleary questioned the doctor as + they went. + + "Captain Jinks is a dear fellow," said the doctor in response to his + inquiries. "We are all fond of him. At first he was a little + intractable and denied our right to direct him, but now that we've got + it all down on a military basis, he will do anything we tell him. I + believe he would walk out of the window if I ordered him too. But I + have to put on a military coat to make him obey. We keep one on + purpose. As soon as he sees it on anybody he's as obedient as a child. + He's such a perfect gentleman, too. It's a very sad case. Here's his + room." + + The doctor knocked. + + "Who goes there?" cried a husky voice, which Cleary hardly recognized + as Sam's. + + "A friend," answered the doctor. + + "Advance, friend, and give the countersign," said the same voice. + + "Old Gory!" cried the doctor, with most unmilitary emphasis, and he + opened the door and they entered. + + Cleary saw what seemed to be the shadow of Sam, pale, haggard, and + emaciated, sitting in a shabby undress uniform before a large deal + table. Upon the table was a most elaborate arrangement of books and + blocks of wood, apparently representing fortifications, which were + manned by a dilapidated set of lead soldiers--the earliest treasures of + Sam's boyhood, which had been sent to him from home at his request. + Sam did not lift his eyes from the table, and moved the men about with + his hand as if he were playing a game of chess. + + "Here is a friend of yours to see you, Captain," said the doctor. + + Sam slowly raised his head and looked at Cleary for some time without + recognizing him. Gradually a faint smile made its appearance. + + "I know you," he said in the same strained voice. "I know you. + You're----" + + "Cleary," said Cleary. + + "Cleary? Cleary? Let me see. Why, to be sure, you're Cleary." And he + rose from his chair unsteadily and took the hand that Cleary offered + him. + + "How are you, old man? I'm so glad to see you again," said Cleary. + + "And so am I," said Sam, who now seemed to be almost his old self + again. "Sit down." + + Cleary drew up a chair to the table, while the doctor retired and shut + the door. + + "How are you getting on?" said Cleary. "You're going to get well soon, + aren't you?" + + "I am well now," said Sam. "I was awfully ill, I know that, but it all + came from my mind. I think I told you that. My heart was breaking + because I couldn't be a perfect soldier. I had to face the question and + grapple with it. It was an awful experience; I can't bear to speak of + it or even think of it. But I won. I'm a perfect soldier now! I can do + anything with my men here, and I will obey any order I receive, I don't + care what it is." + + As he spoke of his experience a pained expression came over his face, + but he looked proud and almost happy when he announced the result of + the conflict. + + "They say I'm a lunatic, I know they do," he continued, looking round + to see that no one else was present, and lowering his voice to a + whisper. "They say I'm a lunatic, but I'm not. When they say I'm a + lunatic they mean I'm a perfect soldier--a complete soldier. And they + call those fine fellows lead soldiers! Lunatics and lead soldiers + indeed! Well, suppose we are! I tell you an army of lead soldiers with + a lunatic at the head would be the best army in the world. We do what + we're told, and we're not afraid of anything." + + Sam stopped talking at this juncture and went on for some time in + silence maneuvering his troops. Finally he picked up the colonel with + the white plume, and a ray of light from the afternoon sun fell upon + it, and he held it before him, gazing upon it entranced. The door + opened, and the doctor entered. + + "I fear you must go now, Mr. Cleary. He can't stand much excitement. + He's quiet now. Just come out with me without saying anything," and + Cleary followed him out of the room, while Sam sat motionless with his + eyes fixed on his talisman. + + "He sits like that for hours," said the doctor. "It's a kind of + hypnotism, I think, which we don't quite understand yet. I am writing + up the case for _The Medical Gazette_. It's a peculiar kind of + insanity, this preoccupation with uniforms and soldiers, and the + readiness to do anything a man in regimentals tells him to." + + "It's rather more common, perhaps, out of asylums than in them," + muttered Cleary, but the doctor did not hear him. "Do you think he + will ever recover, doctor?" he continued. + + The doctor shook his head ominously. + + "And will he live to old age in this condition?" + + "He might, if there were nothing else the matter with him, but there + is, and perhaps it's a fortunate thing. He's got a new disease called + filariasis, a sort of low fever that he picked up in the Cubapines or + Porsslania. There's a good deal of it among the soldiers who have come + back. We have a lot of lunatics from the army here and several of them + have this new fever too. It wouldn't kill him alone, either, but the + two things together will surely carry him off. He will hardly live + another half-year." + + "I suppose his family is looking out for him?" said Cleary. + + "His mother visits him pretty regularly, and his father comes + sometimes," said the doctor, "but I think his wife has only been here + twice. And she's living at East Point, too, only an hour or two away. + She's a born flirt, and I think she's tired of him. I'm told that + one of this year's graduates there, a fellow named Saunders, is paying + attention to her, and when the poor captain dies, I doubt if she + remains long a widow." + + [Illustration: HARMLESS + "HE SITS LIKE THAT FOR HOURS"] + + "Then I suppose there is nothing I can do for the dear old chap?" asked + Cleary, with tears in his eyes, as he took his leave of the doctor at + the door of the building. + + "Nothing at all, my dear sir. He has everything he wants, and in fact + he wants nothing but his lead soldiers. He won't even let us give him a + new set of them. And he has all the liberty he wants on the grounds + here, and he can walk or even take a drive if he wishes to, for he is + perfectly harmless." + + "Perfectly harmless!" repeated Cleary to himself, as he got into his + carriage. "What an idea! A perfectly harmless soldier!" + + + THE END + + + * * * * * + + Transcriber's Notes + For consistency the following changes have been made. + + Page 3 firearms changed to fire-arms + 10 field marshal changed to field-marshal + 134 got here? changed to got here?" + 168 out on at once on changed to out at once on + 202 exclamed changed to exclaimed + 202 out of it? changed to out of it. + 219 you along.' changed to you along." + 237 "'Im a changed to 'I'm a + 273 exclamed changed to exclaimed + 295 bomb-shells changed to bombshells + 349 "'He stuck changed to 'He stuck + 357 "and I!" And I!" changed to "And I!" "And I!" + 382 denommination changed to denomination + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Captain Jinks, Hero, by Ernest Crosby + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CAPTAIN JINKS, HERO *** + +***** This file should be named 19353.txt or 19353.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/1/9/3/5/19353/ + +Produced by Jacqueline Jeremy, Suzanne Shell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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