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+The Project Gutenberg eBook of Extracts From Adam’s Diary by Mark Twain
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
+most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
+whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
+of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
+www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you
+will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before
+using this eBook.
+
+Title: Extracts From Adam’s Diary
+
+Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
+
+Release Date: September 15, 2004 [eBook #1892]
+[Most recently updated: September 6, 2021]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+Produced by: Kirk Pearson
+
+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK EXTRACTS FROM ADAM’S DIARY ***
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Extracts From Adam’s Diary
+
+Translated from the original MS.
+
+by Mark Twain
+
+
+
+
+[NOTE.—I translated a portion of this diary some years ago, and a
+friend of mine printed a few copies in an incomplete form, but the
+public never got them. Since then I have deciphered some more of Adam’s
+hieroglyphics, and think he has now become sufficiently important as a
+public character to justify this publication.—M. T.]
+
+
+
+
+Monday
+
+
+This new creature with the long hair is a good deal in the way. It is
+always hanging around and following me about. I don’t like this; I am
+not used to company. I wish it would stay with the other animals.
+Cloudy to-day, wind in the east; think we shall have rain…. Where did I
+get that word?… I remember now—the new creature uses it.
+
+
+
+
+Tuesday
+
+
+Been examining the great waterfall. It is the finest thing on the
+estate, I think. The new creature calls it Niagara Falls—why, I am sure
+I do not know. Says it looks like Niagara Falls. That is not a reason;
+it is mere waywardness and imbecility. I get no chance to name anything
+myself. The new creature names everything that comes along, before I
+can get in a protest. And always that same pretext is offered—it looks
+like the thing. There is the dodo, for instance. Says the moment one
+looks at it one sees at a glance that it “looks like a dodo.” It will
+have to keep that name, no doubt. It wearies me to fret about it, and
+it does no good, anyway. Dodo! It looks no more like a dodo than I do.
+
+
+
+
+Wednesday
+
+
+Built me a shelter against the rain, but could not have it to myself in
+peace. The new creature intruded. When I tried to put it out it shed
+water out of the holes it looks with, and wiped it away with the back
+of its paws, and made a noise such as some of the other animals make
+when they are in distress. I wish it would not talk; it is always
+talking. That sounds like a cheap fling at the poor creature, a slur;
+but I do not mean it so. I have never heard the human voice before, and
+any new and strange sound intruding itself here upon the solemn hush of
+these dreaming solitudes offends my ear and seems a false note. And
+this new sound is so close to me; it is right at my shoulder, right at
+my ear, first on one side and then on the other, and I am used only to
+sounds that are more or less distant from me.
+
+
+
+
+Friday
+
+
+The naming goes recklessly on, in spite of anything I can do. I had a
+very good name for the estate, and it was musical and pretty
+—GARDEN-OF-EDEN. Privately, I continue to call it that, but not any
+longer publicly. The new creature says it is all woods and rocks and
+scenery, and therefore has no resemblance to a garden. Says it looks
+like a park, and does not look like anything but a park. Consequently,
+without consulting me, it has been new-named —NIAGARA FALLS PARK. This
+is sufficiently high-handed, it seems to me. And already there is a
+sign up:
+
+KEEP OFF THE GRASS
+
+My life is not as happy as it was.
+
+
+
+
+Saturday
+
+
+The new creature eats too much fruit. We are going to run short, most
+likely. “We” again—that is its word; mine too, now, from hearing it so
+much. Good deal of fog this morning. I do not go out in the fog myself.
+The new creature does. It goes out in all weathers, and stumps right in
+with its muddy feet. And talks. It used to be so pleasant and quiet
+here.
+
+
+
+
+Sunday
+
+
+Pulled through. This day is getting to be more and more trying. It was
+selected and set apart last November as a day of rest. I already had
+six of them per week, before. This morning found the new creature
+trying to clod apples out of that forbidden tree.
+
+
+
+
+Monday
+
+
+The new creature says its name is Eve. That is all right, I have no
+objections. Says it is to call it by when I want it to come. I said it
+was superfluous, then. The word evidently raised me in its respect; and
+indeed it is a large, good word, and will bear repetition. It says it
+is not an It, it is a She. This is probably doubtful; yet it is all one
+to me; what she is were nothing to me if she would but go by herself
+and not talk.
+
+
+
+
+Tuesday
+
+
+She has littered the whole estate with execrable names and offensive
+signs:
+
+THIS WAY TO THE WHIRLPOOL.
+
+THIS WAY TO GOAT ISLAND.
+
+CAVE OF THE WINDS THIS WAY.
+
+She says this park would make a tidy summer resort, if there was any
+custom for it. Summer resort—another invention of hers—just words,
+without any meaning. What is a summer resort? But it is best not to ask
+her, she has such a rage for explaining.
+
+
+
+
+Friday
+
+
+She has taken to beseeching me to stop going over the Falls. What harm
+does it do? Says it makes her shudder. I wonder why. I have always done
+it—always liked the plunge, and the excitement, and the coolness. I
+supposed it was what the Falls were for. They have no other use that I
+can see, and they must have been made for something. She says they were
+only made for scenery—like the rhinoceros and the mastodon.
+
+I went over the Falls in a barrel—not satisfactory to her. Went over in
+a tub—still not satisfactory. Swam the Whirlpool and the Rapids in a
+fig-leaf suit. It got much damaged. Hence, tedious complaints about my
+extravagance. I am too much hampered here. What I need is change of
+scene.
+
+
+
+
+Saturday
+
+
+I escaped last Tuesday night, and travelled two days, and built me
+another shelter, in a secluded place, and obliterated my tracks as well
+as I could, but she hunted me out by means of a beast which she has
+tamed and calls a wolf, and came making that pitiful noise again, and
+shedding that water out of the places she looks with. I was obliged to
+return with her, but will presently emigrate again, when occasion
+offers. She engages herself in many foolish things: among others,
+trying to study out why the animals called lions and tigers live on
+grass and flowers, when, as she says, the sort of teeth they wear would
+indicate that they were intended to eat each other. This is foolish,
+because to do that would be to kill each other, and that would
+introduce what, as I understand it, is called “death;” and death, as I
+have been told, has not yet entered the Park. Which is a pity, on some
+accounts.
+
+
+
+
+Sunday
+
+
+Pulled through.
+
+
+
+
+Monday
+
+
+I believe I see what the week is for: it is to give time to rest up
+from the weariness of Sunday. It seems a good idea…. She has been
+climbing that tree again. Clodded her out of it. She said nobody was
+looking. Seems to consider that a sufficient justification for chancing
+any dangerous thing. Told her that. The word justification moved her
+admiration—and envy too, I thought. It is a good word.
+
+
+
+
+Thursday
+
+
+She told me she was made out of a rib taken from my body. This is at
+least doubtful, if not more than that. I have not missed any rib…. She
+is in much trouble about the buzzard; says grass does not agree with
+it; is afraid she can’t raise it; thinks it was intended to live on
+decayed flesh. The buzzard must get along the best it can with what is
+provided. We cannot overturn the whole scheme to accommodate the
+buzzard.
+
+
+
+
+Saturday
+
+
+She fell in the pond yesterday, when she was looking at herself in it,
+which she is always doing. She nearly strangled, and said it was most
+uncomfortable. This made her sorry for the creatures which live in
+there, which she calls fish, for she continues to fasten names on to
+things that don’t need them and don’t come when they are called by
+them, which is a matter of no consequence to her, as she is such a
+numskull anyway; so she got a lot of them out and brought them in last
+night and put them in my bed to keep warm, but I have noticed them now
+and then all day, and I don’t see that they are any happier there than
+they were before, only quieter. When night comes I shall throw them
+out-doors. I will not sleep with them again, for I find them clammy and
+unpleasant to lie among when a person hasn’t anything on.
+
+
+
+
+Sunday
+
+
+Pulled through.
+
+
+
+
+Tuesday
+
+
+She has taken up with a snake now. The other animals are glad, for she
+was always experimenting with them and bothering them; and I am glad,
+because the snake talks, and this enables me to get a rest.
+
+
+
+
+Friday
+
+
+She says the snake advises her to try the fruit of that tree, and says
+the result will be a great and fine and noble education. I told her
+there would be another result, too—it would introduce death into the
+world. That was a mistake—it had been better to keep the remark to
+myself; it only gave her an idea—she could save the sick buzzard, and
+furnish fresh meat to the despondent lions and tigers. I advised her to
+keep away from the tree. She said she wouldn’t. I foresee trouble. Will
+emigrate.
+
+
+
+
+Wednesday
+
+
+I have had a variegated time. I escaped that night, and rode a horse
+all night as fast as he could go, hoping to get clear out of the Park
+and hide in some other country before the trouble should begin; but it
+was not to be. About an hour after sunup, as I was riding through a
+flowery plain where thousands of animals were grazing, slumbering, or
+playing with each other, according to their wont, all of a sudden they
+broke into a tempest of frightful noises, and in one moment the plain
+was in a frantic commotion and every beast was destroying its neighbor.
+I knew what it meant—Eve had eaten that fruit, and death was come into
+the world…. The tigers ate my horse, paying no attention when I ordered
+them to desist, and they would even have eaten me if I had stayed—which
+I didn’t, but went away in much haste…. I found this place, outside the
+Park, and was fairly comfortable for a few days, but she has found me
+out. Found me out, and has named the place Tonawanda—says it looks like
+that. In fact, I was not sorry she came, for there are but meagre
+pickings here, and she brought some of those apples. I was obliged to
+eat them, I was so hungry. It was against my principles, but I find
+that principles have no real force except when one is well fed…. She
+came curtained in boughs and bunches of leaves, and when I asked her
+what she meant by such nonsense, and snatched them away and threw them
+down, she tittered and blushed. I had never seen a person titter and
+blush before, and to me it seemed unbecoming and idiotic. She said I
+would soon know how it was myself. This was correct. Hungry as I was, I
+laid down the apple half eaten—certainly the best one I ever saw,
+considering the lateness of the season—and arrayed myself in the
+discarded boughs and branches, and then spoke to her with some severity
+and ordered her to go and get some more and not make such a spectacle
+of herself. She did it, and after this we crept down to where the
+wild-beast battle had been, and collected some skins, and I made her
+patch together a couple of suits proper for public occasions. They are
+uncomfortable, it is true, but stylish, and that is the main point
+about clothes. … I find she is a good deal of a companion. I see I
+should be lonesome and depressed without her, now that I have lost my
+property. Another thing, she says it is ordered that we work for our
+living hereafter. She will be useful. I will superintend.
+
+
+
+
+Ten Days Later
+
+
+She accuses me of being the cause of our disaster! She says, with
+apparent sincerity and truth, that the Serpent assured her that the
+forbidden fruit was not apples, it was chestnuts. I said I was
+innocent, then, for I had not eaten any chestnuts. She said the Serpent
+informed her that “chestnut” was a figurative term meaning an aged and
+mouldy joke. I turned pale at that, for I have made many jokes to pass
+the weary time, and some of them could have been of that sort, though I
+had honestly supposed that they were new when I made them. She asked me
+if I had made one just at the time of the catastrophe. I was obliged to
+admit that I had made one to myself, though not aloud. It was this. I
+was thinking about the Falls, and I said to myself, “How wonderful it
+is to see that vast body of water tumble down there!” Then in an
+instant a bright thought flashed into my head, and I let it fly,
+saying, “It would be a deal more wonderful to see it tumble up
+there!”—and I was just about to kill myself with laughing at it when
+all nature broke loose in war and death, and I had to flee for my life.
+“There,” she said, with triumph, “that is just it; the Serpent
+mentioned that very jest, and called it the First Chestnut, and said it
+was coeval with the creation.” Alas, I am indeed to blame. Would that I
+were not witty; oh, would that I had never had that radiant thought!
+
+
+
+
+Next Year
+
+
+We have named it Cain. She caught it while I was up country trapping on
+the North Shore of the Erie; caught it in the timber a couple of miles
+from our dug-out—or it might have been four, she isn’t certain which.
+It resembles us in some ways, and may be a relation. That is what she
+thinks, but this is an error, in my judgment. The difference in size
+warrants the conclusion that it is a different and new kind of animal—a
+fish, perhaps, though when I put it in the water to see, it sank, and
+she plunged in and snatched it out before there was opportunity for the
+experiment to determine the matter. I still think it is a fish, but she
+is indifferent about what it is, and will not let me have it to try. I
+do not understand this. The coming of the creature seems to have
+changed her whole nature and made her unreasonable about experiments.
+She thinks more of it than she does of any of the other animals, but is
+not able to explain why. Her mind is disordered—everything shows it.
+Sometimes she carries the fish in her arms half the night when it
+complains and wants to get to the water. At such times the water comes
+out of the places in her face that she looks out of, and she pats the
+fish on the back and makes soft sounds with her mouth to soothe it, and
+betrays sorrow and solicitude in a hundred ways. I have never seen her
+do like this with any other fish, and it troubles me greatly. She used
+to carry the young tigers around so, and play with them, before we lost
+our property; but it was only play; she never took on about them like
+this when their dinner disagreed with them.
+
+
+
+
+Sunday
+
+
+She doesn’t work Sundays, but lies around all tired out, and likes to
+have the fish wallow over her; and she makes fool noises to amuse it,
+and pretends to chew its paws, and that makes it laugh. I have not seen
+a fish before that could laugh. This makes me doubt…. I have come to
+like Sunday myself. Superintending all the week tires a body so. There
+ought to be more Sundays. In the old days they were tough, but now they
+come handy.
+
+
+
+
+Wednesday
+
+
+It isn’t a fish. I cannot quite make out what it is. It makes curious,
+devilish noises when not satisfied, and says “goo-goo” when it is. It
+is not one of us, for it doesn’t walk; it is not a bird, for it doesn’t
+fly; it is not a frog, for it doesn’t hop; it is not a snake, for it
+doesn’t crawl; I feel sure it is not a fish, though I cannot get a
+chance to find out whether it can swim or not. It merely lies around,
+and mostly on its back, with its feet up. I have not seen any other
+animal do that before. I said I believed it was an enigma, but she only
+admired the word without understanding it. In my judgment it is either
+an enigma or some kind of a bug. If it dies, I will take it apart and
+see what its arrangements are. I never had a thing perplex me so.
+
+
+
+
+Three Months Later
+
+
+The perplexity augments instead of diminishing. I sleep but little. It
+has ceased from lying around, and goes about on its four legs now. Yet
+it differs from the other four-legged animals in that its front legs
+are unusually short, consequently this causes the main part of its
+person to stick up uncomfortably high in the air, and this is not
+attractive. It is built much as we are, but its method of travelling
+shows that it is not of our breed. The short front legs and long hind
+ones indicate that it is of the kangaroo family, but it is a marked
+variation of the species, since the true kangaroo hops, whereas this
+one never does. Still, it is a curious and interesting variety, and has
+not been catalogued before. As I discovered it, I have felt justified
+in securing the credit of the discovery by attaching my name to it, and
+hence have called it Kangaroorum Adamiensis…. It must have been a young
+one when it came, for it has grown exceedingly since. It must be five
+times as big, now, as it was then, and when discontented is able to
+make from twenty-two to thirty-eight times the noise it made at first.
+Coercion does not modify this, but has the contrary effect. For this
+reason I discontinued the system. She reconciles it by persuasion, and
+by giving it things which she had previously told it she wouldn’t give
+it. As already observed, I was not at home when it first came, and she
+told me she found it in the woods. It seems odd that it should be the
+only one, yet it must be so, for I have worn myself out these many
+weeks trying to find another one to add to my collection, and for this
+one to play with; for surely then it would be quieter, and we could
+tame it more easily. But I find none, nor any vestige of any; and
+strangest of all, no tracks. It has to live on the ground, it cannot
+help itself; therefore, how does it get about without leaving a track?
+I have set a dozen traps, but they do no good. I catch all small
+animals except that one; animals that merely go into the trap out of
+curiosity, I think, to see what the milk is there for. They never drink
+it.
+
+
+
+
+Three Months Later
+
+
+The kangaroo still continues to grow, which is very strange and
+perplexing. I never knew one to be so long getting its growth. It has
+fur on its head now; not like kangaroo fur, but exactly like our hair,
+except that it is much finer and softer, and instead of being black is
+red. I am like to lose my mind over the capricious and harassing
+developments of this unclassifiable zoological freak. If I could catch
+another one—but that is hopeless; it is a new variety, and the only
+sample; this is plain. But I caught a true kangaroo and brought it in,
+thinking that this one, being lonesome, would rather have that for
+company than have no kin at all, or any animal it could feel a nearness
+to or get sympathy from in its forlorn condition here among strangers
+who do not know its ways or habits, or what to do to make it feel that
+it is among friends; but it was a mistake—it went into such fits at the
+sight of the kangaroo that I was convinced it had never seen one
+before. I pity the poor noisy little animal, but there is nothing I can
+do to make it happy. If I could tame it—but that is out of the
+question; the more I try, the worse I seem to make it. It grieves me to
+the heart to see it in its little storms of sorrow and passion. I
+wanted to let it go, but she wouldn’t hear of it. That seemed cruel and
+not like her; and yet she may be right. It might be lonelier than ever;
+for since I cannot find another one, how could it?
+
+
+
+
+Five Months Later
+
+
+It is not a kangaroo. No, for it supports itself by holding to her
+finger, and thus goes a few steps on its hind legs, and then falls
+down. It is probably some kind of a bear; and yet it has no tail—as
+yet—and no fur, except on its head. It still keeps on growing—that is a
+curious circumstance, for bears get their growth earlier than this.
+Bears are dangerous—since our catastrophe—and I shall not be satisfied
+to have this one prowling about the place much longer without a muzzle
+on. I have offered to get her a kangaroo if she would let this one go,
+but it did no good—she is determined to run us into all sorts of
+foolish risks, I think. She was not like this before she lost her mind.
+
+
+
+
+A Fortnight Later
+
+
+I examined its mouth. There is no danger yet; it has only one tooth. It
+has no tail yet. It makes more noise now than it ever did before—and
+mainly at night. I have moved out. But I shall go over, mornings, to
+breakfast, and to see if it has more teeth. If it gets a mouthful of
+teeth, it will be time for it to go, tail or no tail, for a bear does
+not need a tail in order to be dangerous.
+
+
+
+
+Four Months Later
+
+
+I have been off hunting and fishing a month, up in the region that she
+calls Buffalo; I don’t know why, unless it is because there are not any
+buffaloes there. Meantime the bear has learned to paddle around all by
+itself on its hind legs, and says “poppa” and “momma.” It is certainly
+a new species. This resemblance to words may be purely accidental, of
+course, and may have no purpose or meaning; but even in that case it is
+still extraordinary, and is a thing which no other bear can do. This
+imitation of speech, taken together with general absence of fur and
+entire absence of tail, sufficiently indicates that this is a new kind
+of bear. The further study of it will be exceedingly interesting.
+Meantime I will go off on a far expedition among the forests of the
+North and make an exhaustive search. There must certainly be another
+one somewhere, and this one will be less dangerous when it has company
+of its own species. I will go straightway; but I will muzzle this one
+first.
+
+
+
+
+Three Months Later
+
+
+It has been a weary, weary hunt, yet I have had no success. In the mean
+time, without stirring from the home estate, she has caught another
+one! I never saw such luck. I might have hunted these woods a hundred
+years, I never should have run across that thing.
+
+
+
+
+Next Day
+
+
+I have been comparing the new one with the old one, and it is perfectly
+plain that they are the same breed. I was going to stuff one of them
+for my collection, but she is prejudiced against it for some reason or
+other; so I have relinquished the idea, though I think it is a mistake.
+It would be an irreparable loss to science if they should get away. The
+old one is tamer than it was, and can laugh and talk like the parrot,
+having learned this, no doubt, from being with the parrot so much, and
+having the imitative faculty in a highly developed degree. I shall be
+astonished if it turns out to be a new kind of parrot, and yet I ought
+not to be astonished, for it has already been everything else it could
+think of, since those first days when it was a fish. The new one is as
+ugly now as the old one was at first; has the same sulphur-and-raw-meat
+complexion and the same singular head without any fur on it. She calls
+it Abel.
+
+
+
+
+Ten Years Later
+
+
+They are boys; we found it out long ago. It was their coming in that
+small, immature shape that puzzled us; we were not used to it. There
+are some girls now. Abel is a good boy, but if Cain had stayed a bear
+it would have improved him. After all these years, I see that I was
+mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the
+Garden with her than inside it without her. At first I thought she
+talked too much; but now I should be sorry to have that voice fall
+silent and pass out of my life. Blessed be the chestnut that brought us
+near together and taught me to know the goodness of her heart and the
+sweetness of her spirit!
+
+
+
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK EXTRACTS FROM ADAM’S DIARY ***
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+<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=utf-8" />
+<meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" />
+<title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Extracts From Adam’s Diary by Mark Twain</title>
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+<style type="text/css">
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+body { margin-left: 20%;
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+
+<div style='text-align:center; font-size:1.2em; font-weight:bold'>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Extracts From Adam’s Diary by Mark Twain</div>
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
+most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
+whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
+of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online
+at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you
+are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the
+country where you are located before using this eBook.
+</div>
+<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: Extracts From Adam’s Diary</div>
+<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)</div>
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: September 15, 2004 [eBook #1892]<br />
+[Most recently updated: September 6, 2021]</div>
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</div>
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Character set encoding: UTF-8</div>
+<div style='display:block; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Produced by: Kirk Pearson</div>
+<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK EXTRACTS FROM ADAM’S DIARY ***</div>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:55%;">
+<img src="images/cover.jpg" style="width:100%;" alt="[Illustration]" />
+</div>
+
+<h1>Extracts From Adam&rsquo;s Diary</h1>
+
+<h3>Translated from the original MS.</h3>
+
+<h2 class="no-break">by Mark Twain</h2>
+
+<hr />
+
+<p class="letter">
+[NOTE.&mdash;I translated a portion of this diary some years ago, and a friend
+of mine printed a few copies in an incomplete form, but the public never got
+them. Since then I have deciphered some more of Adam&rsquo;s hieroglyphics, and
+think he has now become sufficiently important as a public character to justify
+this publication.&mdash;M. T.]
+</p>
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Monday</h2>
+
+<p>
+This new creature with the long hair is a good deal in the way. It is always
+hanging around and following me about. I don&rsquo;t like this; I am not used
+to company. I wish it would stay with the other animals. Cloudy to-day, wind in
+the east; think we shall have rain…. Where did I get that word?… I remember
+now&mdash;the new creature uses it.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Tuesday</h2>
+
+<p>
+Been examining the great waterfall. It is the finest thing on the estate, I
+think. The new creature calls it Niagara Falls&mdash;why, I am sure I do not
+know. Says it looks like Niagara Falls. That is not a reason; it is mere
+waywardness and imbecility. I get no chance to name anything myself. The new
+creature names everything that comes along, before I can get in a protest. And
+always that same pretext is offered&mdash;it looks like the thing. There is the
+dodo, for instance. Says the moment one looks at it one sees at a glance that
+it &ldquo;looks like a dodo.&rdquo; It will have to keep that name, no doubt.
+It wearies me to fret about it, and it does no good, anyway. Dodo! It looks no
+more like a dodo than I do.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Wednesday</h2>
+
+<p>
+Built me a shelter against the rain, but could not have it to myself in peace.
+The new creature intruded. When I tried to put it out it shed water out of the
+holes it looks with, and wiped it away with the back of its paws, and made a
+noise such as some of the other animals make when they are in distress. I wish
+it would not talk; it is always talking. That sounds like a cheap fling at the
+poor creature, a slur; but I do not mean it so. I have never heard the human
+voice before, and any new and strange sound intruding itself here upon the
+solemn hush of these dreaming solitudes offends my ear and seems a false note.
+And this new sound is so close to me; it is right at my shoulder, right at my
+ear, first on one side and then on the other, and I am used only to sounds that
+are more or less distant from me.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Friday</h2>
+
+<p>
+The naming goes recklessly on, in spite of anything I can do. I had a very good
+name for the estate, and it was musical and pretty &mdash;GARDEN-OF-EDEN.
+Privately, I continue to call it that, but not any longer publicly. The new
+creature says it is all woods and rocks and scenery, and therefore has no
+resemblance to a garden. Says it looks like a park, and does not look like
+anything but a park. Consequently, without consulting me, it has been new-named
+&mdash;NIAGARA FALLS PARK. This is sufficiently high-handed, it seems to me.
+And already there is a sign up:
+</p>
+
+<h5>KEEP OFF THE GRASS</h5>
+
+<p>
+My life is not as happy as it was.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Saturday</h2>
+
+<p>
+The new creature eats too much fruit. We are going to run short, most likely.
+&ldquo;We&rdquo; again&mdash;that is its word; mine too, now, from hearing it
+so much. Good deal of fog this morning. I do not go out in the fog myself. The
+new creature does. It goes out in all weathers, and stumps right in with its
+muddy feet. And talks. It used to be so pleasant and quiet here.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Sunday</h2>
+
+<p>
+Pulled through. This day is getting to be more and more trying. It was selected
+and set apart last November as a day of rest. I already had six of them per
+week, before. This morning found the new creature trying to clod apples out of
+that forbidden tree.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Monday</h2>
+
+<p>
+The new creature says its name is Eve. That is all right, I have no objections.
+Says it is to call it by when I want it to come. I said it was superfluous,
+then. The word evidently raised me in its respect; and indeed it is a large,
+good word, and will bear repetition. It says it is not an It, it is a She. This
+is probably doubtful; yet it is all one to me; what she is were nothing to me
+if she would but go by herself and not talk.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Tuesday</h2>
+
+<p>
+She has littered the whole estate with execrable names and offensive signs:
+</p>
+
+<h5>THIS WAY TO THE WHIRLPOOL.</h5>
+
+<h5>THIS WAY TO GOAT ISLAND.</h5>
+
+<h5>CAVE OF THE WINDS THIS WAY.</h5>
+
+<p>
+She says this park would make a tidy summer resort, if there was any custom for
+it. Summer resort&mdash;another invention of hers&mdash;just words, without any
+meaning. What is a summer resort? But it is best not to ask her, she has such a
+rage for explaining.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Friday</h2>
+
+<p>
+She has taken to beseeching me to stop going over the Falls. What harm does it
+do? Says it makes her shudder. I wonder why. I have always done it&mdash;always
+liked the plunge, and the excitement, and the coolness. I supposed it was what
+the Falls were for. They have no other use that I can see, and they must have
+been made for something. She says they were only made for scenery&mdash;like
+the rhinoceros and the mastodon.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I went over the Falls in a barrel&mdash;not satisfactory to her. Went over in a
+tub&mdash;still not satisfactory. Swam the Whirlpool and the Rapids in a
+fig-leaf suit. It got much damaged. Hence, tedious complaints about my
+extravagance. I am too much hampered here. What I need is change of scene.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Saturday</h2>
+
+<p>
+I escaped last Tuesday night, and travelled two days, and built me another
+shelter, in a secluded place, and obliterated my tracks as well as I could, but
+she hunted me out by means of a beast which she has tamed and calls a wolf, and
+came making that pitiful noise again, and shedding that water out of the places
+she looks with. I was obliged to return with her, but will presently emigrate
+again, when occasion offers. She engages herself in many foolish things: among
+others, trying to study out why the animals called lions and tigers live on
+grass and flowers, when, as she says, the sort of teeth they wear would
+indicate that they were intended to eat each other. This is foolish, because to
+do that would be to kill each other, and that would introduce what, as I
+understand it, is called &ldquo;death;&rdquo; and death, as I have been told,
+has not yet entered the Park. Which is a pity, on some accounts.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Sunday</h2>
+
+<p>
+Pulled through.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Monday</h2>
+
+<p>
+I believe I see what the week is for: it is to give time to rest up from the
+weariness of Sunday. It seems a good idea…. She has been climbing that tree
+again. Clodded her out of it. She said nobody was looking. Seems to consider
+that a sufficient justification for chancing any dangerous thing. Told her
+that. The word justification moved her admiration&mdash;and envy too, I
+thought. It is a good word.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Thursday</h2>
+
+<p>
+She told me she was made out of a rib taken from my body. This is at least
+doubtful, if not more than that. I have not missed any rib…. She is in much
+trouble about the buzzard; says grass does not agree with it; is afraid she
+can&rsquo;t raise it; thinks it was intended to live on decayed flesh. The
+buzzard must get along the best it can with what is provided. We cannot
+overturn the whole scheme to accommodate the buzzard.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Saturday</h2>
+
+<p>
+She fell in the pond yesterday, when she was looking at herself in it, which
+she is always doing. She nearly strangled, and said it was most uncomfortable.
+This made her sorry for the creatures which live in there, which she calls
+fish, for she continues to fasten names on to things that don&rsquo;t need them
+and don&rsquo;t come when they are called by them, which is a matter of no
+consequence to her, as she is such a numskull anyway; so she got a lot of them
+out and brought them in last night and put them in my bed to keep warm, but I
+have noticed them now and then all day, and I don&rsquo;t see that they are any
+happier there than they were before, only quieter. When night comes I shall
+throw them out-doors. I will not sleep with them again, for I find them clammy
+and unpleasant to lie among when a person hasn&rsquo;t anything on.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Sunday</h2>
+
+<p>
+Pulled through.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Tuesday</h2>
+
+<p>
+She has taken up with a snake now. The other animals are glad, for she was
+always experimenting with them and bothering them; and I am glad, because the
+snake talks, and this enables me to get a rest.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Friday</h2>
+
+<p>
+She says the snake advises her to try the fruit of that tree, and says the
+result will be a great and fine and noble education. I told her there would be
+another result, too&mdash;it would introduce death into the world. That was a
+mistake&mdash;it had been better to keep the remark to myself; it only gave her
+an idea&mdash;she could save the sick buzzard, and furnish fresh meat to the
+despondent lions and tigers. I advised her to keep away from the tree. She said
+she wouldn&rsquo;t. I foresee trouble. Will emigrate.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Wednesday</h2>
+
+<p>
+I have had a variegated time. I escaped that night, and rode a horse all night
+as fast as he could go, hoping to get clear out of the Park and hide in some
+other country before the trouble should begin; but it was not to be. About an
+hour after sunup, as I was riding through a flowery plain where thousands of
+animals were grazing, slumbering, or playing with each other, according to
+their wont, all of a sudden they broke into a tempest of frightful noises, and
+in one moment the plain was in a frantic commotion and every beast was
+destroying its neighbor. I knew what it meant&mdash;Eve had eaten that fruit,
+and death was come into the world…. The tigers ate my horse, paying no
+attention when I ordered them to desist, and they would even have eaten me if I
+had stayed&mdash;which I didn&rsquo;t, but went away in much haste…. I found
+this place, outside the Park, and was fairly comfortable for a few days, but
+she has found me out. Found me out, and has named the place
+Tonawanda&mdash;says it looks like that. In fact, I was not sorry she came, for
+there are but meagre pickings here, and she brought some of those apples. I was
+obliged to eat them, I was so hungry. It was against my principles, but I find
+that principles have no real force except when one is well fed…. She came
+curtained in boughs and bunches of leaves, and when I asked her what she meant
+by such nonsense, and snatched them away and threw them down, she tittered and
+blushed. I had never seen a person titter and blush before, and to me it seemed
+unbecoming and idiotic. She said I would soon know how it was myself. This was
+correct. Hungry as I was, I laid down the apple half eaten&mdash;certainly the
+best one I ever saw, considering the lateness of the season&mdash;and arrayed
+myself in the discarded boughs and branches, and then spoke to her with some
+severity and ordered her to go and get some more and not make such a spectacle
+of herself. She did it, and after this we crept down to where the wild-beast
+battle had been, and collected some skins, and I made her patch together a
+couple of suits proper for public occasions. They are uncomfortable, it is
+true, but stylish, and that is the main point about clothes. … I find she is a
+good deal of a companion. I see I should be lonesome and depressed without her,
+now that I have lost my property. Another thing, she says it is ordered that we
+work for our living hereafter. She will be useful. I will superintend.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Ten Days Later</h2>
+
+<p>
+She accuses me of being the cause of our disaster! She says, with apparent
+sincerity and truth, that the Serpent assured her that the forbidden fruit was
+not apples, it was chestnuts. I said I was innocent, then, for I had not eaten
+any chestnuts. She said the Serpent informed her that &ldquo;chestnut&rdquo;
+was a figurative term meaning an aged and mouldy joke. I turned pale at that,
+for I have made many jokes to pass the weary time, and some of them could have
+been of that sort, though I had honestly supposed that they were new when I
+made them. She asked me if I had made one just at the time of the catastrophe.
+I was obliged to admit that I had made one to myself, though not aloud. It was
+this. I was thinking about the Falls, and I said to myself, &ldquo;How
+wonderful it is to see that vast body of water tumble down there!&rdquo; Then
+in an instant a bright thought flashed into my head, and I let it fly, saying,
+&ldquo;It would be a deal more wonderful to see it tumble up
+there!&rdquo;&mdash;and I was just about to kill myself with laughing at it
+when all nature broke loose in war and death, and I had to flee for my life.
+&ldquo;There,&rdquo; she said, with triumph, &ldquo;that is just it; the
+Serpent mentioned that very jest, and called it the First Chestnut, and said it
+was coeval with the creation.&rdquo; Alas, I am indeed to blame. Would that I
+were not witty; oh, would that I had never had that radiant thought!
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Next Year</h2>
+
+<p>
+We have named it Cain. She caught it while I was up country trapping on the
+North Shore of the Erie; caught it in the timber a couple of miles from our
+dug-out&mdash;or it might have been four, she isn&rsquo;t certain which. It
+resembles us in some ways, and may be a relation. That is what she thinks, but
+this is an error, in my judgment. The difference in size warrants the
+conclusion that it is a different and new kind of animal&mdash;a fish, perhaps,
+though when I put it in the water to see, it sank, and she plunged in and
+snatched it out before there was opportunity for the experiment to determine
+the matter. I still think it is a fish, but she is indifferent about what it
+is, and will not let me have it to try. I do not understand this. The coming of
+the creature seems to have changed her whole nature and made her unreasonable
+about experiments. She thinks more of it than she does of any of the other
+animals, but is not able to explain why. Her mind is
+disordered&mdash;everything shows it. Sometimes she carries the fish in her
+arms half the night when it complains and wants to get to the water. At such
+times the water comes out of the places in her face that she looks out of, and
+she pats the fish on the back and makes soft sounds with her mouth to soothe
+it, and betrays sorrow and solicitude in a hundred ways. I have never seen her
+do like this with any other fish, and it troubles me greatly. She used to carry
+the young tigers around so, and play with them, before we lost our property;
+but it was only play; she never took on about them like this when their dinner
+disagreed with them.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Sunday</h2>
+
+<p>
+She doesn&rsquo;t work Sundays, but lies around all tired out, and likes to
+have the fish wallow over her; and she makes fool noises to amuse it, and
+pretends to chew its paws, and that makes it laugh. I have not seen a fish
+before that could laugh. This makes me doubt…. I have come to like Sunday
+myself. Superintending all the week tires a body so. There ought to be more
+Sundays. In the old days they were tough, but now they come handy.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Wednesday</h2>
+
+<p>
+It isn&rsquo;t a fish. I cannot quite make out what it is. It makes curious,
+devilish noises when not satisfied, and says &ldquo;goo-goo&rdquo; when it is.
+It is not one of us, for it doesn&rsquo;t walk; it is not a bird, for it
+doesn&rsquo;t fly; it is not a frog, for it doesn&rsquo;t hop; it is not a
+snake, for it doesn&rsquo;t crawl; I feel sure it is not a fish, though I
+cannot get a chance to find out whether it can swim or not. It merely lies
+around, and mostly on its back, with its feet up. I have not seen any other
+animal do that before. I said I believed it was an enigma, but she only admired
+the word without understanding it. In my judgment it is either an enigma or
+some kind of a bug. If it dies, I will take it apart and see what its
+arrangements are. I never had a thing perplex me so.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Three Months Later</h2>
+
+<p>
+The perplexity augments instead of diminishing. I sleep but little. It has
+ceased from lying around, and goes about on its four legs now. Yet it differs
+from the other four-legged animals in that its front legs are unusually short,
+consequently this causes the main part of its person to stick up uncomfortably
+high in the air, and this is not attractive. It is built much as we are, but
+its method of travelling shows that it is not of our breed. The short front
+legs and long hind ones indicate that it is of the kangaroo family, but it is a
+marked variation of the species, since the true kangaroo hops, whereas this one
+never does. Still, it is a curious and interesting variety, and has not been
+catalogued before. As I discovered it, I have felt justified in securing the
+credit of the discovery by attaching my name to it, and hence have called it
+Kangaroorum Adamiensis…. It must have been a young one when it came, for it has
+grown exceedingly since. It must be five times as big, now, as it was then, and
+when discontented is able to make from twenty-two to thirty-eight times the
+noise it made at first. Coercion does not modify this, but has the contrary
+effect. For this reason I discontinued the system. She reconciles it by
+persuasion, and by giving it things which she had previously told it she
+wouldn&rsquo;t give it. As already observed, I was not at home when it first
+came, and she told me she found it in the woods. It seems odd that it should be
+the only one, yet it must be so, for I have worn myself out these many weeks
+trying to find another one to add to my collection, and for this one to play
+with; for surely then it would be quieter, and we could tame it more easily.
+But I find none, nor any vestige of any; and strangest of all, no tracks. It
+has to live on the ground, it cannot help itself; therefore, how does it get
+about without leaving a track? I have set a dozen traps, but they do no good. I
+catch all small animals except that one; animals that merely go into the trap
+out of curiosity, I think, to see what the milk is there for. They never drink
+it.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Three Months Later</h2>
+
+<p>
+The kangaroo still continues to grow, which is very strange and perplexing. I
+never knew one to be so long getting its growth. It has fur on its head now;
+not like kangaroo fur, but exactly like our hair, except that it is much finer
+and softer, and instead of being black is red. I am like to lose my mind over
+the capricious and harassing developments of this unclassifiable zoological
+freak. If I could catch another one&mdash;but that is hopeless; it is a new
+variety, and the only sample; this is plain. But I caught a true kangaroo and
+brought it in, thinking that this one, being lonesome, would rather have that
+for company than have no kin at all, or any animal it could feel a nearness to
+or get sympathy from in its forlorn condition here among strangers who do not
+know its ways or habits, or what to do to make it feel that it is among
+friends; but it was a mistake&mdash;it went into such fits at the sight of the
+kangaroo that I was convinced it had never seen one before. I pity the poor
+noisy little animal, but there is nothing I can do to make it happy. If I could
+tame it&mdash;but that is out of the question; the more I try, the worse I seem
+to make it. It grieves me to the heart to see it in its little storms of sorrow
+and passion. I wanted to let it go, but she wouldn&rsquo;t hear of it. That
+seemed cruel and not like her; and yet she may be right. It might be lonelier
+than ever; for since I cannot find another one, how could it?
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Five Months Later</h2>
+
+<p>
+It is not a kangaroo. No, for it supports itself by holding to her finger, and
+thus goes a few steps on its hind legs, and then falls down. It is probably
+some kind of a bear; and yet it has no tail&mdash;as yet&mdash;and no fur,
+except on its head. It still keeps on growing&mdash;that is a curious
+circumstance, for bears get their growth earlier than this. Bears are
+dangerous&mdash;since our catastrophe&mdash;and I shall not be satisfied to
+have this one prowling about the place much longer without a muzzle on. I have
+offered to get her a kangaroo if she would let this one go, but it did no
+good&mdash;she is determined to run us into all sorts of foolish risks, I
+think. She was not like this before she lost her mind.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>A Fortnight Later</h2>
+
+<p>
+I examined its mouth. There is no danger yet; it has only one tooth. It has no
+tail yet. It makes more noise now than it ever did before&mdash;and mainly at
+night. I have moved out. But I shall go over, mornings, to breakfast, and to
+see if it has more teeth. If it gets a mouthful of teeth, it will be time for
+it to go, tail or no tail, for a bear does not need a tail in order to be
+dangerous.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Four Months Later</h2>
+
+<p>
+I have been off hunting and fishing a month, up in the region that she calls
+Buffalo; I don&rsquo;t know why, unless it is because there are not any
+buffaloes there. Meantime the bear has learned to paddle around all by itself
+on its hind legs, and says &ldquo;poppa&rdquo; and &ldquo;momma.&rdquo; It is
+certainly a new species. This resemblance to words may be purely accidental, of
+course, and may have no purpose or meaning; but even in that case it is still
+extraordinary, and is a thing which no other bear can do. This imitation of
+speech, taken together with general absence of fur and entire absence of tail,
+sufficiently indicates that this is a new kind of bear. The further study of it
+will be exceedingly interesting. Meantime I will go off on a far expedition
+among the forests of the North and make an exhaustive search. There must
+certainly be another one somewhere, and this one will be less dangerous when it
+has company of its own species. I will go straightway; but I will muzzle this
+one first.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Three Months Later</h2>
+
+<p>
+It has been a weary, weary hunt, yet I have had no success. In the mean time,
+without stirring from the home estate, she has caught another one! I never saw
+such luck. I might have hunted these woods a hundred years, I never should have
+run across that thing.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Next Day</h2>
+
+<p>
+I have been comparing the new one with the old one, and it is perfectly plain
+that they are the same breed. I was going to stuff one of them for my
+collection, but she is prejudiced against it for some reason or other; so I
+have relinquished the idea, though I think it is a mistake. It would be an
+irreparable loss to science if they should get away. The old one is tamer than
+it was, and can laugh and talk like the parrot, having learned this, no doubt,
+from being with the parrot so much, and having the imitative faculty in a
+highly developed degree. I shall be astonished if it turns out to be a new kind
+of parrot, and yet I ought not to be astonished, for it has already been
+everything else it could think of, since those first days when it was a fish.
+The new one is as ugly now as the old one was at first; has the same
+sulphur-and-raw-meat complexion and the same singular head without any fur on
+it. She calls it Abel.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>Ten Years Later</h2>
+
+<p>
+They are boys; we found it out long ago. It was their coming in that small,
+immature shape that puzzled us; we were not used to it. There are some girls
+now. Abel is a good boy, but if Cain had stayed a bear it would have improved
+him. After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the
+beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it
+without her. At first I thought she talked too much; but now I should be sorry
+to have that voice fall silent and pass out of my life. Blessed be the chestnut
+that brought us near together and taught me to know the goodness of her heart
+and the sweetness of her spirit!
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
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+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #1892 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/1892)
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Extracts From Adam's Diary
+by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Extracts From Adam's Diary
+
+Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
+
+Release Date: September 15, 2004 [EBook #1892]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK EXTRACTS FROM ADAM'S DIARY ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Kirk Pearson
+
+
+
+
+
+EXTRACTS FROM ADAM'S DIARY
+
+Translated from the original MS.
+
+by Mark Twain
+
+
+
+
+[NOTE.--I translated a portion of this diary some years ago, and
+a friend of mine printed a few copies in an incomplete form, but
+the public never got them.  Since then I have deciphered some more
+of Adam's hieroglyphics, and think he has now become sufficiently
+important as a public character to justify this publication.--M. T.]
+
+
+
+
+Monday
+
+This new creature with the long hair is a good deal in the way.
+It is always hanging around and following me about.  I don't like
+this; I am not used to company.  I wish it would stay with the
+other animals.  Cloudy to-day, wind in the east; think we shall
+have rain....  Where did I get that word?...  I remember now
+--the new creature uses it.
+
+Tuesday
+
+Been examining the great waterfall.  It is the finest thing on the
+estate, I think.  The new creature calls it Niagara Falls--why,
+I am sure I do not know.  Says it looks like Niagara Falls.  That
+is not a reason; it is mere waywardness and imbecility.  I get no
+chance to name anything myself.  The new creature names everything
+that comes along, before I can get in a protest.  And always that
+same pretext is offered--it looks like the thing.  There is the
+dodo, for instance.  Says the moment one looks at it one sees at
+a glance that it "looks like a dodo."  It will have to keep that
+name, no doubt.  It wearies me to fret about it, and it does no
+good, anyway.  Dodo! It looks no more like a dodo than I do.
+
+Wednesday
+
+Built me a shelter against the rain, but could not have it to
+myself in peace.  The new creature intruded.  When I tried to put
+it out it shed water out of the holes it looks with, and wiped it
+away with the back of its paws, and made a noise such as some of
+the other animals make when they are in distress.  I wish it would
+not talk; it is always talking.  That sounds like a cheap fling
+at the poor creature, a slur; but I do not mean it so.  I have never
+heard the human voice before, and any new and strange sound
+intruding itself here upon the solemn hush of these dreaming
+solitudes offends my ear and seems a false note.  And this new
+sound is so close to me; it is right at my shoulder, right at my
+ear, first on one side and then on the other, and I am used only
+to sounds that are more or less distant from me.
+
+Friday
+
+The naming goes recklessly on, in spite of anything I can do.  I
+had a very good name for the estate, and it was musical and pretty
+--GARDEN-OF-EDEN.  Privately, I continue to call it that, but not
+any longer publicly.  The new creature says it is all woods and
+rocks and scenery, and therefore has no resemblance to a garden.
+Says it looks like a park, and does not look like anything but a
+park.  Consequently, without consulting me, it has been new-named
+--NIAGARA FALLS PARK.  This is sufficiently high-handed, it seems to
+me.  And already there is a sign up:
+
+                         KEEP OFF
+                         THE GRASS
+
+My life is not as happy as it was.
+
+Saturday
+
+The new creature eats too much fruit.  We are going to run short,
+most likely.  "We" again--that is its word; mine too, now, from
+hearing it so much.  Good deal of fog this morning.  I do not go
+out in the fog myself.  The new creature does.  It goes out in
+all weathers, and stumps right in with its muddy feet.  And talks.
+It used to be so pleasant and quiet here.
+
+Sunday
+
+Pulled through.  This day is getting to be more and more trying.
+It was selected and set apart last November as a day of rest.  I
+already had six of them per week, before.  This morning found the
+new creature trying to clod apples out of that forbidden tree.
+
+Monday
+
+The new creature says its name is Eve.  That is all right, I have
+no objections.  Says it is to call it by when I want it to come.
+I said it was superfluous, then.  The word evidently raised me in
+its respect; and indeed it is a large, good word, and will bear
+repetition.  It says it is not an It, it is a She.  This is probably
+doubtful; yet it is all one to me; what she is were nothing to me
+if she would but go by herself and not talk.
+
+Tuesday
+
+She has littered the whole estate with execrable names and offensive
+signs:
+
+THIS WAY TO THE WHIRLPOOL.
+
+THIS WAY TO GOAT ISLAND.
+
+CAVE OF THE WINDS THIS WAY.
+
+She says this park would make a tidy summer resort, if there was
+any custom for it.  Summer resort--another invention of hers--just
+words, without any meaning.  What is a summer resort? But it is
+best not to ask her, she has such a rage for explaining.
+
+Friday
+
+She has taken to beseeching me to stop going over the Falls.  What
+harm does it do? Says it makes her shudder.  I wonder why.  I have
+always done it--always liked the plunge, and the excitement, and
+the coolness.  I supposed it was what the Falls were for.  They
+have no other use that I can see, and they must have been made for
+something.  She says they were only made for scenery--like the
+rhinoceros and the mastodon.
+
+I went over the Falls in a barrel--not satisfactory to her.  Went
+over in a tub--still not satisfactory.  Swam the Whirlpool and the
+Rapids in a fig-leaf suit.  It got much damaged.  Hence, tedious
+complaints about my extravagance.  I am too much hampered here.
+What I need is change of scene.
+
+Saturday
+
+I escaped last Tuesday night, and travelled two days, and built
+me another shelter, in a secluded place, and obliterated my tracks
+as well as I could, but she hunted me out by means of a beast which
+she has tamed and calls a wolf, and came making that pitiful noise
+again, and shedding that water out of the places she looks with.
+I was obliged to return with her, but will presently emigrate again,
+when occasion offers.  She engages herself in many foolish things:
+among others, trying to study out why the animals called lions and
+tigers live on grass and flowers, when, as she says, the sort of
+teeth they wear would indicate that they were intended to eat each
+other.  This is foolish, because to do that would be to kill each
+other, and that would introduce what, as I understand it, is called
+"death;" and death, as I have been told, has not yet entered the
+Park.  Which is a pity, on some accounts.
+
+Sunday
+
+Pulled through.
+
+Monday
+
+I believe I see what the week is for: it is to give time to rest
+up from the weariness of Sunday.  It seems a good idea....  She
+has been climbing that tree again.  Clodded her out of it.  She
+said nobody was looking.  Seems to consider that a sufficient
+justification for chancing any dangerous thing.  Told her that.
+The word justification moved her admiration--and envy too, I
+thought.  It is a good word.
+
+Thursday
+
+She told me she was made out of a rib taken from my body.  This
+is at least doubtful, if not more than that.  I have not missed
+any rib....  She is in much trouble about the buzzard; says
+grass does not agree with it; is afraid she can't raise it; thinks
+it was intended to live on decayed flesh.  The buzzard must get
+along the best it can with what is provided.  We cannot overturn
+the whole scheme to accommodate the buzzard.
+
+Saturday
+
+She fell in the pond yesterday, when she was looking at herself
+in it, which she is always doing.  She nearly strangled, and said
+it was most uncomfortable.  This made her sorry for the creatures
+which live in there, which she calls fish, for she continues to
+fasten names on to things that don't need them and don't come when
+they are called by them, which is a matter of no consequence to
+her, as she is such a numskull anyway; so she got a lot of them
+out and brought them in last night and put them in my bed to keep
+warm, but I have noticed them now and then all day, and I don't
+see that they are any happier there than they were before, only
+quieter.  When night comes I shall throw them out-doors.  I will
+not sleep with them again, for I find them clammy and unpleasant
+to lie among when a person hasn't anything on.
+
+Sunday
+
+Pulled through.
+
+Tuesday
+
+She has taken up with a snake now.  The other animals are glad,
+for she was always experimenting with them and bothering them;
+and I am glad, because the snake talks, and this enables me to
+get a rest.
+
+Friday
+
+She says the snake advises her to try the fruit of that tree, and
+says the result will be a great and fine and noble education.  I
+told her there would be another result, too--it would introduce
+death into the world.  That was a mistake--it had been better to
+keep the remark to myself; it only gave her an idea--she could
+save the sick buzzard, and furnish fresh meat to the despondent
+lions and tigers.  I advised her to keep away from the tree.  She
+said she wouldn't.  I foresee trouble.  Will emigrate.
+
+Wednesday
+
+I have had a variegated time.  I escaped that night, and rode a
+horse all night as fast as he could go, hoping to get clear out of
+the Park and hide in some other country before the trouble should
+begin; but it was not to be.  About an hour after sunup, as I was
+riding through a flowery plain where thousands of animals were
+grazing, slumbering, or playing with each other, according to their
+wont, all of a sudden they broke into a tempest of frightful noises,
+and in one moment the plain was in a frantic commotion and every
+beast was destroying its neighbor.  I knew what it meant--Eve had
+eaten that fruit, and death was come into the world....  The
+tigers ate my horse, paying no attention when I ordered them to
+desist,  and they would even have eaten me if I had stayed--which
+I didn't, but went away in much haste....  I found this place,
+outside the Park, and was fairly comfortable for a few days, but
+she has found me out.  Found me out, and has named the place
+Tonawanda--says it looks like that.  In fact, I was not sorry she
+came, for there are but meagre pickings here, and she brought some
+of those apples.  I was obliged to eat them, I was so hungry.  It
+was against my principles, but I find that principles have no real
+force except when one is well fed....  She came curtained in
+boughs and bunches of leaves, and when I asked her what she meant
+by such nonsense, and snatched them away and threw them down, she
+tittered and blushed.  I had never seen a person titter and blush
+before, and to me it seemed unbecoming and idiotic.  She said I
+would soon know how it was myself.  This was correct.  Hungry as
+I was, I laid down the apple half eaten--certainly the best one I
+ever saw, considering the lateness of the season--and arrayed
+myself in the discarded boughs and branches, and then spoke to her
+with some severity and ordered her to go and get some more and not
+make such a spectacle of herself.  She did it, and after this we
+crept down to where the wild-beast battle had been, and collected
+some skins, and I made her patch together a couple of suits proper
+for public occasions.  They are uncomfortable, it is true, but
+stylish, and that is the main point about clothes.  ...  I find
+she is a good deal of a companion.  I see I should be lonesome and
+depressed without her, now that I have lost my property.  Another
+thing, she says it is ordered that we work for our living hereafter.
+She will be useful.  I will superintend.
+
+Ten Days Later
+
+She accuses me of being the cause of our disaster! She says, with
+apparent sincerity and truth, that the Serpent assured her that
+the forbidden fruit was not apples, it was chestnuts.  I said I
+was innocent, then, for I had not eaten any chestnuts.  She said
+the Serpent informed her that "chestnut" was a figurative term
+meaning an aged and mouldy joke.  I turned pale at that, for I
+have made many jokes to pass the weary time, and some of them could
+have been of that sort, though I had honestly supposed that they
+were new when I made them.  She asked me if I had made one just
+at the time of the catastrophe.  I was obliged to admit that I had
+made one to myself, though not aloud.  It was this.  I was thinking
+about the Falls, and I said to myself, "How wonderful it is to see
+that vast body of water tumble down there!" Then in an instant a
+bright thought flashed into my head, and I let it fly, saying, "It
+would be a deal more wonderful to see it tumble up there!"--and I
+was just about to kill myself with laughing at it when all nature
+broke loose in war and death, and I had to flee for my life.
+"There," she said, with triumph, "that is just it; the Serpent
+mentioned that very jest, and called it the First Chestnut, and
+said it was coeval with the creation."  Alas, I am indeed to blame.
+Would that I were not witty; oh, would that I had never had that
+radiant thought!
+
+Next Year
+
+We have named it Cain.  She caught it while I was up country
+trapping on the North Shore of the Erie; caught it in the timber
+a couple of miles from our dug-out--or it might have been four,
+she isn't certain which.  It resembles us in some ways, and may
+be a relation.  That is what she thinks, but this is an error,
+in my judgment.  The difference in size warrants the conclusion
+that it is a different and new kind of animal--a fish, perhaps,
+though when I put it in the water to see, it sank, and she plunged
+in and snatched it out before there was opportunity for the
+experiment to determine the matter.  I still think it is a fish,
+but she is indifferent about what it is, and will not let me have
+it to try.  I do not understand this.  The coming of the creature
+seems to have changed her whole nature and made her unreasonable
+about experiments.  She thinks more of it than she does of any of
+the other animals, but is not able to explain why.  Her mind is
+disordered--everything shows it.  Sometimes she carries the fish
+in her arms half the night when it complains and wants to get to
+the water.  At such times the water comes out of the places in
+her face that she looks out of, and she pats the fish on the back
+and makes soft sounds with her mouth to soothe it, and betrays
+sorrow and solicitude in a hundred ways.  I have never seen her
+do like this with any other fish, and it troubles me greatly.  She
+used to carry the young tigers around so, and play with them,
+before we lost our property; but it was only play; she never took
+on about them like this when their dinner disagreed with them.
+
+Sunday
+
+She doesn't work Sundays, but lies around all tired out, and likes
+to have the fish wallow over her; and she makes fool noises to
+amuse it, and pretends to chew its paws, and that makes it laugh.
+I have not seen a fish before that could laugh.  This makes me
+doubt....  I have come to like Sunday myself.  Superintending
+all the week tires a body so.  There ought to be more Sundays.
+In the old days they were tough, but now they come handy.
+
+Wednesday
+
+It isn't a fish.  I cannot quite make out what it is.  It makes
+curious, devilish noises when not satisfied, and says "goo-goo"
+when it is.  It is not one of us, for it doesn't walk; it is not
+a bird, for it doesn't fly; it is not a frog, for it doesn't hop;
+it is not a snake, for it doesn't crawl; I feel sure it is not a
+fish, though I cannot get a chance to find out whether it can swim
+or not.  It merely lies around, and mostly on its back, with its
+feet up.  I have not seen any other animal do that before.  I said
+I believed it was an enigma, but she only admired the word without
+understanding it.  In my judgment it is either an enigma or some
+kind of a bug.  If it dies, I will take it apart and see what its
+arrangements are.  I never had a thing perplex me so.
+
+Three Months Later
+
+The perplexity augments instead of diminishing.  I sleep but little.
+It has ceased from lying around, and goes about on its four legs
+now.  Yet it differs from the other four-legged animals in that
+its front legs are unusually short, consequently this causes the
+main part of its person to stick up uncomfortably high in the air,
+and this is not attractive.  It is built much as we are, but its
+method of travelling shows that it is not of our breed.  The short
+front legs and long hind ones indicate that it is of the kangaroo
+family, but it is a marked variation of the species, since the
+true kangaroo hops, whereas this one never does.  Still, it is a
+curious and interesting variety, and has not been catalogued before.
+As I discovered it, I have felt justified in securing the credit
+of the discovery by attaching my name to it, and hence have called
+it Kangaroorum Adamiensis....  It must have been a young one
+when it came, for it has grown exceedingly since.  It must be five
+times as big, now, as it was then, and when discontented is able
+to make from twenty-two to thirty-eight times the noise it made
+at first.  Coercion does not modify this, but has the contrary
+effect.  For this reason I discontinued the system.  She reconciles
+it by persuasion, and by giving it things which she had previously
+told it she wouldn't give it.  As already observed, I was not at
+home when it first came, and she told me she found it in the woods.
+It seems odd that it should be the only one, yet it must be so,
+for I have worn myself out these many weeks trying to find another
+one to add to my collection, and for this one to play with; for
+surely then it would be quieter, and we could tame it more easily.
+But I find none, nor any vestige of any; and strangest of all, no
+tracks.  It has to live on the ground, it cannot help itself;
+therefore, how does it get about without leaving a track? I have
+set a dozen traps, but they do no good.  I catch all small animals
+except that one; animals that merely go into the trap out of
+curiosity, I think, to see what the milk is there for.  They never
+drink it.
+
+Three Months Later
+
+The kangaroo still continues to grow, which is very strange and
+perplexing.  I never knew one to be so long getting its growth.
+It has fur on its head now; not like kangaroo fur, but exactly
+like our hair, except that it is much finer and softer, and instead
+of being black is red.  I am like to lose my mind over the capricious
+and harassing developments of this unclassifiable zoological freak.
+If I could catch another one--but that is hopeless; it is a new
+variety, and the only sample; this is plain.  But I caught a true
+kangaroo and brought it in, thinking that this one, being lonesome,
+would rather have that for company than have no kin at all, or any
+animal it could feel a nearness to or get sympathy from in its
+forlorn condition here among strangers who do not know its ways
+or habits, or what to do to make it feel that it is among friends;
+but it was a mistake--it went into such fits at the sight of the
+kangaroo that I was convinced it had never seen one before.  I
+pity the poor noisy little animal, but there is nothing I can do
+to make it happy.  If I could tame it--but that is out of the
+question; the more I try, the worse I seem to make it.  It grieves
+me to the heart to see it in its little storms of sorrow and
+passion.  I wanted to let it go, but she wouldn't hear of it.  That
+seemed cruel and not like her; and yet she may be right.  It might
+be lonelier than ever; for since I cannot find another one, how
+could it?
+
+Five Months Later
+
+It is not a kangaroo.  No, for it supports itself by holding to
+her finger, and thus goes a few steps on its hind legs, and then
+falls down.  It is probably some kind of a bear; and yet it has
+no tail--as yet--and no fur, except on its head.  It still keeps
+on growing--that is a curious circumstance, for bears get their
+growth earlier than this.  Bears are dangerous--since our
+catastrophe--and I shall not be satisfied to have this one prowling
+about the place much longer without a muzzle on.  I have offered
+to get her a kangaroo if she would let this one go, but it did no
+good--she is determined to run us into all sorts of foolish risks,
+I think.  She was not like this before she lost her mind.
+
+A Fortnight Later
+
+I examined its mouth.  There is no danger yet; it has only one
+tooth.  It has no tail yet.  It makes more noise now than it ever
+did before--and mainly at night.  I have moved out.  But I shall
+go over, mornings, to breakfast, and to see if it has more teeth.
+If it gets a mouthful of teeth, it will be time for it to go, tail
+or no tail, for a bear does not need a tail in order to be
+dangerous.
+
+Four Months Later
+
+I have been off hunting and fishing a month, up in the region that
+she calls Buffalo; I don't know why, unless it is because there
+are not any buffaloes there.  Meantime the bear has learned to
+paddle around all by itself on its hind legs, and says "poppa"
+and "momma."  It is certainly a new species.  This resemblance to
+words may be purely accidental, of course, and may have no purpose
+or meaning; but even in that case it is still extraordinary, and
+is a thing which no other bear can do.  This imitation of speech,
+taken together with general absence of fur and entire absence of
+tail, sufficiently indicates that this is a new kind of bear.  The
+further study of it will be exceedingly interesting.  Meantime I
+will go off on a far expedition among the forests of the North and
+make an exhaustive search.  There must certainly be another one
+somewhere, and this one will be less dangerous when it has company
+of its own species.  I will go straightway; but I will muzzle this
+one first.
+
+Three Months Later
+
+It has been a weary, weary hunt, yet I have had no success.  In
+the mean time, without stirring from the home estate, she has
+caught another one!  I never saw such luck.  I might have hunted
+these woods a hundred years, I never should have run across that
+thing.
+
+Next Day
+
+I have been comparing the new one with the old one, and it is
+perfectly plain that they are the same breed.  I was going to stuff
+one of them for my collection, but she is prejudiced against it
+for some reason or other; so I have relinquished the idea, though
+I think it is a mistake.  It would be an irreparable loss to science
+if they should get away.  The old one is tamer than it was, and
+can laugh and talk like the parrot, having learned this, no doubt,
+from being with the parrot so much, and having the imitative faculty
+in a highly developed degree.  I shall be astonished if it turns
+out to be a new kind of parrot, and yet I ought not to be astonished,
+for it has already been everything else it could think of, since
+those first days when it was a fish.  The new one is as ugly now
+as the old one was at first; has the same sulphur-and-raw-meat
+complexion and the same singular head without any fur on it.  She
+calls it Abel.
+
+Ten Years Later
+
+They are boys; we found it out long ago.  It was their coming in
+that small, immature shape that puzzled us; we were not used to it.
+There are some girls now.  Abel is a good boy, but if Cain had
+stayed a bear it would have improved him.  After all these years,
+I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better
+to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.
+At first I thought she talked too much; but now I should be sorry
+to have that voice fall silent and pass out of my life.  Blessed
+be the chestnut that brought us near together and taught me to
+know the goodness of her heart and the sweetness of her spirit!
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Extracts From Adam's Diary
+by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
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+The Project Gutenberg Etext Extracts From Adam's Diary, by Twain
+#15 in our series by Mark Twain [Samuel Clemens]
+
+
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+Extracts From Adam's Diary
+
+by Mark Twain
+
+September, 1999  [Etext #1892]
+
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+The Project Gutenberg Etext Extracts From Adam's Diary, by Twain
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+This Etext prepared by Kirk Pearson, kpearson@nyx.net
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+
+
+Extracts From Adam's Diary
+
+Translated from the original MS.
+
+by Mark Twain
+
+
+
+
+[NOTE.--I translated a portion of this diary some years ago, and
+a friend of mine printed a few copies in an incomplete form, but
+the public never got them.  Since then I have deciphered some more
+of Adam's hieroglyphics, and think he has now become sufficiently
+important as a public character to justify this publication.--M. T.]
+
+
+Monday
+
+This new creature with the long hair is a good deal in the way.
+It is always hanging around and following me about.  I don't like
+this; I am not used to company.  I wish it would stay with the
+other animals.  Cloudy to-day, wind in the east; think we shall
+have rain.  ...  Where did I get that word? ...  I remember now--
+the new creature uses it.
+
+Tuesday
+
+Been examining the great waterfall.  It is the finest thing on the
+estate, I think.  The new creature calls it Niagara Falls--why,
+I am sure I do not know.  Says it looks like Niagara Falls.  That
+is not a reason; it is mere waywardness and imbecility.  I get no
+chance to name anything myself.  The new creature names everything
+that comes along, before I can get in a protest.  And always that
+same pretext is offered--it looks like the thing.  There is the
+dodo, for instance.  Says the moment one looks at it one sees at
+a glance that it "looks like a dodo."  It will have to keep that
+name, no doubt.  It wearies me to fret about it, and it does no
+good, anyway.  Dodo! It looks no more like a dodo than I do.
+
+Wednesday
+
+Built me a shelter against the rain, but could not have it to
+myself in peace.  The new creature intruded.  When I tried to put
+it out it shed water out of the holes it looks with, and wiped it
+away with the back of its paws, and made a noise such as some of
+the other animals make when they are in distress.  I wish it would
+not talk; it is always talking.  That sounds like a cheap fling
+at the poor creature, a slur; but I do not mean it so.  I have never
+heard the human voice before, and any new and strange sound
+intruding itself here upon the solemn hush of these dreaming
+solitudes offends my ear and seems a false note.  And this new
+sound is so close to me; it is right at my shoulder, right at my
+ear, first on one side and then on the other, and I am used only
+to sounds that are more or less distant from me.
+
+Friday
+
+The naming goes recklessly on, in spite of anything I can do.  I
+had a very good name for the estate, and it was musical and pretty--
+GARDEN-OF-EDEN.  Privately, I continue to call it that, but not
+any longer publicly.  The new creature says it is all woods and
+rocks and scenery, and therefore has no resemblance to a garden.
+Says it looks like a park, and does not look like anything but a
+park.  Consequently, without consulting me, it has been new-named--
+NIAGARA FALLS PARK.  This is sufficiently high-handed, it seems to
+me.  And already there is a sign up:
+
+  KEEP OFF
+  THE GRASS
+
+My life is not as happy as it was.
+
+Saturday
+
+The new creature eats too much fruit.  We are going to run short,
+most likely.  "We" again--that is its word; mine too, now, from
+hearing it so much.  Good deal of fog this morning.  I do not go
+out in the fog myself.  The new creature does.  It goes out in
+all weathers, and stumps right in with its muddy feet.  And talks.
+It used to be so pleasant and quiet here.
+
+Sunday
+
+Pulled through.  This day is getting to be more and more trying.
+It was selected and set apart last November as a day of rest.  I
+already had six of them per week, before.  This morning found the
+new creature trying to clod apples out of that forbidden tree.
+
+Monday
+
+The new creature says its name is Eve.  That is all right, I have
+no objections.  Says it is to call it by when I want it to come.
+I said it was superfluous, then.  The word evidently raised me in
+its respect; and indeed it is a large, good word, and will bear
+repetition.  It says it is not an It, it is a She.  This is probably
+doubtful; yet it is all one to me; what she is were nothing to me
+if she would but go by herself and not talk.
+
+Tuesday
+
+She has littered the whole estate with execrable names and offensive
+signs:
+
+THIS WAY TO THE WHIRLPOOL.
+
+THIS WAY TO GOAT ISLAND.
+
+CAVE OF THE WINDS THIS WAY.
+
+She says this park would make a tidy summer resort, if there was
+any custom for it.  Summer resort--another invention of hers--just
+words, without any meaning.  What is a summer resort? But it is
+best not to ask her, she has such a rage for explaining.
+
+Friday
+
+She has taken to beseeching me to stop going over the Falls.  What
+harm does it do? Says it makes her shudder.  I wonder why.  I have
+always done it--always liked the plunge, and the excitement, and
+the coolness.  I supposed it was what the Falls were for.  They
+have no other use that I can see, and they must have been made for
+something.  She says they were only made for scenery--like the
+rhinoceros and the mastodon.
+
+I went over the Falls in a barrel--not satisfactory to her.  Went
+over in a tub--still not satisfactory.  Swam the Whirlpool and the
+Rapids in a fig-leaf suit.  It got much damaged.  Hence, tedious
+complaints about my extravagance.  I am too much hampered here.
+What I need is change of scene.
+
+Saturday
+
+I escaped last Tuesday night, and travelled two days, and built
+me another shelter, in a secluded place, and obliterated my tracks
+as well as I could, but she hunted me out by means of a beast which
+she has tamed and calls a wolf, and came making that pitiful noise
+again, and shedding that water out of the places she looks with.
+I was obliged to return with her, but will presently emigrate again,
+when occasion offers.  She engages herself in many foolish things:
+among others, trying to study out why the animals called lions and
+tigers live on grass and flowers, when, as she says, the sort of
+teeth they wear would indicate that they were intended to eat each
+other.  This is foolish, because to do that would be to kill each
+other, and that would introduce what, as I understand it, is called
+"death;" and death, as I have been told, has not yet entered the
+Park.  Which is a pity, on some accounts.
+
+Sunday
+
+Pulled through.
+
+Monday
+
+I believe I see what the week is for: it is to give time to rest
+up from the weariness of Sunday.  It seems a good idea.  ...  She
+has been climbing that tree again.  Clodded her out of it.  She
+said nobody was looking.  Seems to consider that a sufficient
+justification for chancing any dangerous thing.  Told her that.
+The word justification moved her admiration--and envy too, I
+thought.  It is a good word.
+
+Thursday
+
+She told me she was made out of a rib taken from my body.  This
+is at least doubtful, if not more than that.  I have not missed
+any rib.  ...  She is in much trouble about the buzzard; says
+grass does not agree with it; is afraid she can't raise it; thinks
+it was intended to live on decayed flesh.  The buzzard must get
+along the best it can with what is provided.  We cannot overturn
+the whole scheme to accommodate the buzzard.
+
+Saturday
+
+She fell in the pond yesterday, when she was looking at herself
+in it, which she is always doing.  She nearly strangled, and said
+it was most uncomfortable.  This made her sorry for the creatures
+which live in there, which she calls fish, for she continues to
+fasten names on to things that don't need them and don't come when
+they are called by them, which is a matter of no consequence to
+her, as she is such a numskull anyway; so she got a lot of them
+out and brought them in last night and put them in my bed to keep
+warm, but I have noticed them now and then all day, and I don't
+see that they are any happier there than they were before, only
+quieter.  When night comes I shall throw them out-doors.  I will
+not sleep with them again, for I find them clammy and unpleasant
+to lie among when a person hasn't anything on.
+
+Sunday
+
+Pulled through.
+
+Tuesday
+
+She has taken up with a snake now.  The other animals are glad,
+for she was always experimenting with them and bothering them;
+and I am glad, because the snake talks, and this enables me to
+get a rest.
+
+Friday
+
+She says the snake advises her to try the fruit of that tree, and
+says the result will be a great and fine and noble education.  I
+told her there would be another result, too--it would introduce
+death into the world.  That was a mistake--it had been better to
+keep the remark to myself; it only gave her an idea--she could
+save the sick buzzard, and furnish fresh meat to the despondent
+lions and tigers.  I advised her to keep away from the tree.  She
+said she wouldn't.  I foresee trouble.  Will emigrate.
+
+Wednesday
+
+I have had a variegated time.  I escaped that night, and rode a
+horse all night as fast as he could go, hoping to get clear out of
+the Park and hide in some other country before the trouble should
+begin; but it was not to be.  About an hour after sunup, as I was
+riding through a flowery plain where thousands of animals were
+grazing, slumbering, or playing with each other, according to their
+wont, all of a sudden they broke into a tempest of frightful noises,
+and in one moment the plain was in a frantic commotion and every
+beast was destroying its neighbor.  I knew what it meant--Eve had
+eaten that fruit, and death was come into the world.  ...  The
+tigers ate my horse, paying no attention when I ordered them to
+desist,  and they would even have eaten me if I had stayed--which
+I didn't, but went away in much haste.  ...  I found this place,
+outside the Park, and was fairly comfortable for a few days, but
+she has found me out.  Found me out, and has named the place
+Tonawanda--says it looks like that.  In fact, I was not sorry she
+came, for there are but meagre pickings here, and she brought some
+of those apples.  I was obliged to eat them, I was so hungry.  It
+was against my principles, but I find that principles have no real
+force except when one is well fed.  ...  She came curtained in
+boughs and bunches of leaves, and when I asked her what she meant
+by such nonsense, and snatched them away and threw them down, she
+tittered and blushed.  I had never seen a person titter and blush
+before, and to me it seemed unbecoming and idiotic.  She said I
+would soon know how it was myself.  This was correct.  Hungry as
+I was, I laid down the apple half eaten--certainly the best one I
+ever saw, considering the lateness of the season--and arrayed
+myself in the discarded boughs and branches, and then spoke to her
+with some severity and ordered her to go and get some more and not
+make such a spectacle of herself.  She did it, and after this we
+crept down to where the wild-beast battle had been, and collected
+some skins, and I made her patch together a couple of suits proper
+for public occasions.  They are uncomfortable, it is true, but
+stylish, and that is the main point about clothes.  ...  I find
+she is a good deal of a companion.  I see I should be lonesome and
+depressed without her, now that I have lost my property.  Another
+thing, she says it is ordered that we work for our living hereafter.
+She will be useful.  I will superintend.
+
+Ten Days Later
+
+She accuses me of being the cause of our disaster! She says, with
+apparent sincerity and truth, that the Serpent assured her that
+the forbidden fruit was not apples, it was chestnuts.  I said I
+was innocent, then, for I had not eaten any chestnuts.  She said
+the Serpent informed her that "chestnut" was a figurative term
+meaning an aged and mouldy joke.  I turned pale at that, for I
+have made many jokes to pass the weary time, and some of them could
+have been of that sort, though I had honestly supposed that they
+were new when I made them.  She asked me if I had made one just
+at the time of the catastrophe.  I was obliged to admit that I had
+made one to myself, though not aloud.  It was this.  I was thinking
+about the Falls, and I said to myself, "How wonderful it is to see
+that vast body of water tumble down there!" Then in an instant a
+bright thought flashed into my head, and I let it fly, saying, "It
+would be a deal more wonderful to see it tumble up there!"--and I
+was just about to kill myself with laughing at it when all nature
+broke loose in war and death, and I had to flee for my life.
+"There," she said, with triumph, "that is just it; the Serpent
+mentioned that very jest, and called it the First Chestnut, and
+said it was coeval with the creation."  Alas, I am indeed to blame.
+Would that I were not witty; oh, would that I had never had that
+radiant thought!
+
+Next Year
+
+We have named it Cain.  She caught it while I was up country
+trapping on the North Shore of the Erie; caught it in the timber
+a couple of miles from our dug-out--or it might have been four,
+she isn't certain which.  It resembles us in some ways, and may
+be a relation.  That is what she thinks, but this is an error,
+in my judgment.  The difference in size warrants the conclusion
+that it is a different and new kind of animal--a fish, perhaps,
+though when I put it in the water to see, it sank, and she plunged
+in and snatched it out before there was opportunity for the
+experiment to determine the matter.  I still think it is a fish,
+but she is indifferent about what it is, and will not let me have
+it to try.  I do not understand this.  The coming of the creature
+seems to have changed her whole nature and made her unreasonable
+about experiments.  She thinks more of it than she does of any of
+the other animals, but is not able to explain why.  Her mind is
+disordered--everything shows it.  Sometimes she carries the fish
+in her arms half the night when it complains and wants to get to
+the water.  At such times the water comes out of the places in
+her face that she looks out of, and she pats the fish on the back
+and makes soft sounds with her mouth to soothe it, and betrays
+sorrow and solicitude in a hundred ways.  I have never seen her
+do like this with any other fish, and it troubles me greatly.  She
+used to carry the young tigers around so, and play with them,
+before we lost our property; but it was only play; she never took
+on about them like this when their dinner disagreed with them.
+
+Sunday
+
+She doesn't work Sundays, but lies around all tired out, and likes
+to have the fish wallow over her; and she makes fool noises to
+amuse it, and pretends to chew its paws, and that makes it laugh.
+I have not seen a fish before that could laugh.  This makes me
+doubt.  ...  I have come to like Sunday myself.  Superintending
+all the week tires a body so.  There ought to be more Sundays.
+In the old days they were tough, but now they come handy.
+
+Wednesday
+
+It isn't a fish.  I cannot quite make out what it is.  It makes
+curious, devilish noises when not satisfied, and says "goo-goo"
+when it is.  It is not one of us, for it doesn't walk; it is not
+a bird, for it doesn't fly; it is not a frog, for it doesn't hop;
+it is not a snake, for it doesn't crawl; I feel sure it is not a
+fish, though I cannot get a chance to find out whether it can swim
+or not.  It merely lies around, and mostly on its back, with its
+feet up.  I have not seen any other animal do that before.  I said
+I believed it was an enigma, but she only admired the word without
+understanding it.  In my judgment it is either an enigma or some
+kind of a bug.  If it dies, I will take it apart and see what its
+arrangements are.  I never had a thing perplex me so.
+
+Three Months Later
+
+The perplexity augments instead of diminishing.  I sleep but little.
+It has ceased from lying around, and goes about on its four legs
+now.  Yet it differs from the other four-legged animals in that
+its front legs are unusually short, consequently this causes the
+main part of its person to stick up uncomfortably high in the air,
+and this is not attractive.  It is built much as we are, but its
+method of travelling shows that it is not of our breed.  The short
+front legs and long hind ones indicate that it is of the kangaroo
+family, but it is a marked variation of the species, since the
+true kangaroo hops, whereas this one never does.  Still, it is a
+curious and interesting variety, and has not been catalogued before.
+As I discovered it, I have felt justified in securing the credit
+of the discovery by attaching my name to it, and hence have called
+it Kangaroorum Adamiensis.  ...  It must have been a young one
+when it came, for it has grown exceedingly since.  It must be five
+times as big, now, as it was then, and when discontented is able
+to make from twenty-two to thirty-eight times the noise it made
+at first.  Coercion does not modify this, but has the contrary
+effect.  For this reason I discontinued the system.  She reconciles
+it by persuasion, and by giving it things which she had previously
+told it she wouldn't give it.  As already observed, I was not at
+home when it first came, and she told me she found it in the woods.
+It seems odd that it should be the only one, yet it must be so,
+for I have worn myself out these many weeks trying to find another
+one to add to my collection, and for this one to play with; for
+surely then it would be quieter, and we could tame it more easily.
+But I find none, nor any vestige of any; and strangest of all, no
+tracks.  It has to live on the ground, it cannot help itself;
+therefore, how does it get about without leaving a track? I have
+set a dozen traps, but they do no good.  I catch all small animals
+except that one; animals that merely go into the trap out of
+curiosity, I think, to see what the milk is there for.  They never
+drink it.
+
+Three Months Later
+
+The kangaroo still continues to grow, which is very strange and
+perplexing.  I never knew one to be so long getting its growth.
+It has fur on its head now; not like kangaroo fur, but exactly
+like our hair, except that it is much finer and softer, and instead
+of being black is red.  I am like to lose my mind over the capricious
+and harassing developments of this unclassifiable zoological freak.
+If I could catch another one--but that is hopeless; it is a new
+variety, and the only sample; this is plain.  But I caught a true
+kangaroo and brought it in, thinking that this one, being lonesome,
+would rather have that for company than have no kin at all, or any
+animal it could feel a nearness to or get sympathy from in its
+forlorn condition here among strangers who do not know its ways
+or habits, or what to do to make it feel that it is among friends;
+but it was a mistake--it went into such fits at the sight of the
+kangaroo that I was convinced it had never seen one before.  I
+pity the poor noisy little animal, but there is nothing I can do
+to make it happy.  If I could tame it--but that is out of the
+question; the more I try, the worse I seem to make it.  It grieves
+me to the heart to see it in its little storms of sorrow and
+passion.  I wanted to let it go, but she wouldn't hear of it.  That
+seemed cruel and not like her; and yet she may be right.  It might
+be lonelier than ever; for since I cannot find another one, how
+could it?
+
+Five Months Later
+
+It is not a kangaroo.  No, for it supports itself by holding to
+her finger, and thus goes a few steps on its hind legs, and then
+falls down.  It is probably some kind of a bear; and yet it has
+no tail--as yet--and no fur, except on its head.  It still keeps
+on growing--that is a curious circumstance, for bears get their
+growth earlier than this.  Bears are dangerous--since our
+catastrophe--and I shall not be satisfied to have this one prowling
+about the place much longer without a muzzle on.  I have offered
+to get her a kangaroo if she would let this one go, but it did no
+good--she is determined to run us into all sorts of foolish risks,
+I think.  She was not like this before she lost her mind.
+
+A Fortnight Later
+
+I examined its mouth.  There is no danger yet; it has only one
+tooth.  It has no tail yet.  It makes more noise now than it ever
+did before--and mainly at night.  I have moved out.  But I shall
+go over, mornings, to breakfast, and to see if it has more teeth.
+If it gets a mouthful of teeth, it will be time for it to go, tail
+or no tail, for a bear does not need a tail in order to be
+dangerous.
+
+Four Months Later
+
+I have been off hunting and fishing a month, up in the region that
+she calls Buffalo; I don't know why, unless it is because there
+are not any buffaloes there.  Meantime the bear has learned to
+paddle around all by itself on its hind legs, and says "poppa"
+and "momma."  It is certainly a new species.  This resemblance to
+words may be purely accidental, of course, and may have no purpose
+or meaning; but even in that case it is still extraordinary, and
+is a thing which no other bear can do.  This imitation of speech,
+taken together with general absence of fur and entire absence of
+tail, sufficiently indicates that this is a new kind of bear.  The
+further study of it will be exceedingly interesting.  Meantime I
+will go off on a far expedition among the forests of the North and
+make an exhaustive search.  There must certainly be another one
+somewhere, and this one will be less dangerous when it has company
+of its own species.  I will go straightway; but I will muzzle this
+one first.
+
+Three Months Later
+
+It has been a weary, weary hunt, yet I have had no success.  In
+the mean time, without stirring from the home estate, she has
+caught another one!  I never saw such luck.  I might have hunted
+these woods a hundred years, I never should have run across that
+thing.
+
+Next Day
+
+I have been comparing the new one with the old one, and it is
+perfectly plain that they are the same breed.  I was going to stuff
+one of them for my collection, but she is prejudiced against it
+for some reason or other; so I have relinquished the idea, though
+I think it is a mistake.  It would be an irreparable loss to science
+if they should get away.  The old one is tamer than it was, and
+can laugh and talk like the parrot, having learned this, no doubt,
+from being with the parrot so much, and having the imitative faculty
+in a highly developed degree.  I shall be astonished if it turns
+out to be a new kind of parrot, and yet I ought not to be astonished,
+for it has already been everything else it could think of, since
+those first days when it was a fish.  The new one is as ugly now
+as the old one was at first; has the same sulphur-and-raw-meat
+complexion and the same singular head without any fur on it.  She
+calls it Abel.
+
+Ten Years Later
+
+They are boys; we found it out long ago.  It was their coming in
+that small, immature shape that puzzled us; we were not used to it.
+There are some girls now.  Abel is a good boy, but if Cain had
+stayed a bear it would have improved him.  After all these years,
+I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better
+to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.
+At first I thought she talked too much; but now I should be sorry
+to have that voice fall silent and pass out of my life.  Blessed
+be the chestnut that brought us near together and taught me to
+know the goodness of her heart and the sweetness of her spirit!
+
+
+
+
+
+End of The Project Gutenberg Etext Extracts From Adam's Diary, by Twain
+
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