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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/1892-0.txt b/1892-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2d6512a --- /dev/null +++ b/1892-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,947 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook of Extracts From Adam’s Diary by Mark Twain + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and +most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions +whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms +of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at +www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you +will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before +using this eBook. + +Title: Extracts From Adam’s Diary + +Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +Release Date: September 15, 2004 [eBook #1892] +[Most recently updated: September 6, 2021] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +Produced by: Kirk Pearson + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK EXTRACTS FROM ADAM’S DIARY *** + + + + +[Illustration] + +Extracts From Adam’s Diary + +Translated from the original MS. + +by Mark Twain + + + + +[NOTE.—I translated a portion of this diary some years ago, and a +friend of mine printed a few copies in an incomplete form, but the +public never got them. Since then I have deciphered some more of Adam’s +hieroglyphics, and think he has now become sufficiently important as a +public character to justify this publication.—M. T.] + + + + +Monday + + +This new creature with the long hair is a good deal in the way. It is +always hanging around and following me about. I don’t like this; I am +not used to company. I wish it would stay with the other animals. +Cloudy to-day, wind in the east; think we shall have rain…. Where did I +get that word?… I remember now—the new creature uses it. + + + + +Tuesday + + +Been examining the great waterfall. It is the finest thing on the +estate, I think. The new creature calls it Niagara Falls—why, I am sure +I do not know. Says it looks like Niagara Falls. That is not a reason; +it is mere waywardness and imbecility. I get no chance to name anything +myself. The new creature names everything that comes along, before I +can get in a protest. And always that same pretext is offered—it looks +like the thing. There is the dodo, for instance. Says the moment one +looks at it one sees at a glance that it “looks like a dodo.” It will +have to keep that name, no doubt. It wearies me to fret about it, and +it does no good, anyway. Dodo! It looks no more like a dodo than I do. + + + + +Wednesday + + +Built me a shelter against the rain, but could not have it to myself in +peace. The new creature intruded. When I tried to put it out it shed +water out of the holes it looks with, and wiped it away with the back +of its paws, and made a noise such as some of the other animals make +when they are in distress. I wish it would not talk; it is always +talking. That sounds like a cheap fling at the poor creature, a slur; +but I do not mean it so. I have never heard the human voice before, and +any new and strange sound intruding itself here upon the solemn hush of +these dreaming solitudes offends my ear and seems a false note. And +this new sound is so close to me; it is right at my shoulder, right at +my ear, first on one side and then on the other, and I am used only to +sounds that are more or less distant from me. + + + + +Friday + + +The naming goes recklessly on, in spite of anything I can do. I had a +very good name for the estate, and it was musical and pretty +—GARDEN-OF-EDEN. Privately, I continue to call it that, but not any +longer publicly. The new creature says it is all woods and rocks and +scenery, and therefore has no resemblance to a garden. Says it looks +like a park, and does not look like anything but a park. Consequently, +without consulting me, it has been new-named —NIAGARA FALLS PARK. This +is sufficiently high-handed, it seems to me. And already there is a +sign up: + +KEEP OFF THE GRASS + +My life is not as happy as it was. + + + + +Saturday + + +The new creature eats too much fruit. We are going to run short, most +likely. “We” again—that is its word; mine too, now, from hearing it so +much. Good deal of fog this morning. I do not go out in the fog myself. +The new creature does. It goes out in all weathers, and stumps right in +with its muddy feet. And talks. It used to be so pleasant and quiet +here. + + + + +Sunday + + +Pulled through. This day is getting to be more and more trying. It was +selected and set apart last November as a day of rest. I already had +six of them per week, before. This morning found the new creature +trying to clod apples out of that forbidden tree. + + + + +Monday + + +The new creature says its name is Eve. That is all right, I have no +objections. Says it is to call it by when I want it to come. I said it +was superfluous, then. The word evidently raised me in its respect; and +indeed it is a large, good word, and will bear repetition. It says it +is not an It, it is a She. This is probably doubtful; yet it is all one +to me; what she is were nothing to me if she would but go by herself +and not talk. + + + + +Tuesday + + +She has littered the whole estate with execrable names and offensive +signs: + +THIS WAY TO THE WHIRLPOOL. + +THIS WAY TO GOAT ISLAND. + +CAVE OF THE WINDS THIS WAY. + +She says this park would make a tidy summer resort, if there was any +custom for it. Summer resort—another invention of hers—just words, +without any meaning. What is a summer resort? But it is best not to ask +her, she has such a rage for explaining. + + + + +Friday + + +She has taken to beseeching me to stop going over the Falls. What harm +does it do? Says it makes her shudder. I wonder why. I have always done +it—always liked the plunge, and the excitement, and the coolness. I +supposed it was what the Falls were for. They have no other use that I +can see, and they must have been made for something. She says they were +only made for scenery—like the rhinoceros and the mastodon. + +I went over the Falls in a barrel—not satisfactory to her. Went over in +a tub—still not satisfactory. Swam the Whirlpool and the Rapids in a +fig-leaf suit. It got much damaged. Hence, tedious complaints about my +extravagance. I am too much hampered here. What I need is change of +scene. + + + + +Saturday + + +I escaped last Tuesday night, and travelled two days, and built me +another shelter, in a secluded place, and obliterated my tracks as well +as I could, but she hunted me out by means of a beast which she has +tamed and calls a wolf, and came making that pitiful noise again, and +shedding that water out of the places she looks with. I was obliged to +return with her, but will presently emigrate again, when occasion +offers. She engages herself in many foolish things: among others, +trying to study out why the animals called lions and tigers live on +grass and flowers, when, as she says, the sort of teeth they wear would +indicate that they were intended to eat each other. This is foolish, +because to do that would be to kill each other, and that would +introduce what, as I understand it, is called “death;” and death, as I +have been told, has not yet entered the Park. Which is a pity, on some +accounts. + + + + +Sunday + + +Pulled through. + + + + +Monday + + +I believe I see what the week is for: it is to give time to rest up +from the weariness of Sunday. It seems a good idea…. She has been +climbing that tree again. Clodded her out of it. She said nobody was +looking. Seems to consider that a sufficient justification for chancing +any dangerous thing. Told her that. The word justification moved her +admiration—and envy too, I thought. It is a good word. + + + + +Thursday + + +She told me she was made out of a rib taken from my body. This is at +least doubtful, if not more than that. I have not missed any rib…. She +is in much trouble about the buzzard; says grass does not agree with +it; is afraid she can’t raise it; thinks it was intended to live on +decayed flesh. The buzzard must get along the best it can with what is +provided. We cannot overturn the whole scheme to accommodate the +buzzard. + + + + +Saturday + + +She fell in the pond yesterday, when she was looking at herself in it, +which she is always doing. She nearly strangled, and said it was most +uncomfortable. This made her sorry for the creatures which live in +there, which she calls fish, for she continues to fasten names on to +things that don’t need them and don’t come when they are called by +them, which is a matter of no consequence to her, as she is such a +numskull anyway; so she got a lot of them out and brought them in last +night and put them in my bed to keep warm, but I have noticed them now +and then all day, and I don’t see that they are any happier there than +they were before, only quieter. When night comes I shall throw them +out-doors. I will not sleep with them again, for I find them clammy and +unpleasant to lie among when a person hasn’t anything on. + + + + +Sunday + + +Pulled through. + + + + +Tuesday + + +She has taken up with a snake now. The other animals are glad, for she +was always experimenting with them and bothering them; and I am glad, +because the snake talks, and this enables me to get a rest. + + + + +Friday + + +She says the snake advises her to try the fruit of that tree, and says +the result will be a great and fine and noble education. I told her +there would be another result, too—it would introduce death into the +world. That was a mistake—it had been better to keep the remark to +myself; it only gave her an idea—she could save the sick buzzard, and +furnish fresh meat to the despondent lions and tigers. I advised her to +keep away from the tree. She said she wouldn’t. I foresee trouble. Will +emigrate. + + + + +Wednesday + + +I have had a variegated time. I escaped that night, and rode a horse +all night as fast as he could go, hoping to get clear out of the Park +and hide in some other country before the trouble should begin; but it +was not to be. About an hour after sunup, as I was riding through a +flowery plain where thousands of animals were grazing, slumbering, or +playing with each other, according to their wont, all of a sudden they +broke into a tempest of frightful noises, and in one moment the plain +was in a frantic commotion and every beast was destroying its neighbor. +I knew what it meant—Eve had eaten that fruit, and death was come into +the world…. The tigers ate my horse, paying no attention when I ordered +them to desist, and they would even have eaten me if I had stayed—which +I didn’t, but went away in much haste…. I found this place, outside the +Park, and was fairly comfortable for a few days, but she has found me +out. Found me out, and has named the place Tonawanda—says it looks like +that. In fact, I was not sorry she came, for there are but meagre +pickings here, and she brought some of those apples. I was obliged to +eat them, I was so hungry. It was against my principles, but I find +that principles have no real force except when one is well fed…. She +came curtained in boughs and bunches of leaves, and when I asked her +what she meant by such nonsense, and snatched them away and threw them +down, she tittered and blushed. I had never seen a person titter and +blush before, and to me it seemed unbecoming and idiotic. She said I +would soon know how it was myself. This was correct. Hungry as I was, I +laid down the apple half eaten—certainly the best one I ever saw, +considering the lateness of the season—and arrayed myself in the +discarded boughs and branches, and then spoke to her with some severity +and ordered her to go and get some more and not make such a spectacle +of herself. She did it, and after this we crept down to where the +wild-beast battle had been, and collected some skins, and I made her +patch together a couple of suits proper for public occasions. They are +uncomfortable, it is true, but stylish, and that is the main point +about clothes. … I find she is a good deal of a companion. I see I +should be lonesome and depressed without her, now that I have lost my +property. Another thing, she says it is ordered that we work for our +living hereafter. She will be useful. I will superintend. + + + + +Ten Days Later + + +She accuses me of being the cause of our disaster! She says, with +apparent sincerity and truth, that the Serpent assured her that the +forbidden fruit was not apples, it was chestnuts. I said I was +innocent, then, for I had not eaten any chestnuts. She said the Serpent +informed her that “chestnut” was a figurative term meaning an aged and +mouldy joke. I turned pale at that, for I have made many jokes to pass +the weary time, and some of them could have been of that sort, though I +had honestly supposed that they were new when I made them. She asked me +if I had made one just at the time of the catastrophe. I was obliged to +admit that I had made one to myself, though not aloud. It was this. I +was thinking about the Falls, and I said to myself, “How wonderful it +is to see that vast body of water tumble down there!” Then in an +instant a bright thought flashed into my head, and I let it fly, +saying, “It would be a deal more wonderful to see it tumble up +there!”—and I was just about to kill myself with laughing at it when +all nature broke loose in war and death, and I had to flee for my life. +“There,” she said, with triumph, “that is just it; the Serpent +mentioned that very jest, and called it the First Chestnut, and said it +was coeval with the creation.” Alas, I am indeed to blame. Would that I +were not witty; oh, would that I had never had that radiant thought! + + + + +Next Year + + +We have named it Cain. She caught it while I was up country trapping on +the North Shore of the Erie; caught it in the timber a couple of miles +from our dug-out—or it might have been four, she isn’t certain which. +It resembles us in some ways, and may be a relation. That is what she +thinks, but this is an error, in my judgment. The difference in size +warrants the conclusion that it is a different and new kind of animal—a +fish, perhaps, though when I put it in the water to see, it sank, and +she plunged in and snatched it out before there was opportunity for the +experiment to determine the matter. I still think it is a fish, but she +is indifferent about what it is, and will not let me have it to try. I +do not understand this. The coming of the creature seems to have +changed her whole nature and made her unreasonable about experiments. +She thinks more of it than she does of any of the other animals, but is +not able to explain why. Her mind is disordered—everything shows it. +Sometimes she carries the fish in her arms half the night when it +complains and wants to get to the water. At such times the water comes +out of the places in her face that she looks out of, and she pats the +fish on the back and makes soft sounds with her mouth to soothe it, and +betrays sorrow and solicitude in a hundred ways. I have never seen her +do like this with any other fish, and it troubles me greatly. She used +to carry the young tigers around so, and play with them, before we lost +our property; but it was only play; she never took on about them like +this when their dinner disagreed with them. + + + + +Sunday + + +She doesn’t work Sundays, but lies around all tired out, and likes to +have the fish wallow over her; and she makes fool noises to amuse it, +and pretends to chew its paws, and that makes it laugh. I have not seen +a fish before that could laugh. This makes me doubt…. I have come to +like Sunday myself. Superintending all the week tires a body so. There +ought to be more Sundays. In the old days they were tough, but now they +come handy. + + + + +Wednesday + + +It isn’t a fish. I cannot quite make out what it is. It makes curious, +devilish noises when not satisfied, and says “goo-goo” when it is. It +is not one of us, for it doesn’t walk; it is not a bird, for it doesn’t +fly; it is not a frog, for it doesn’t hop; it is not a snake, for it +doesn’t crawl; I feel sure it is not a fish, though I cannot get a +chance to find out whether it can swim or not. It merely lies around, +and mostly on its back, with its feet up. I have not seen any other +animal do that before. I said I believed it was an enigma, but she only +admired the word without understanding it. In my judgment it is either +an enigma or some kind of a bug. If it dies, I will take it apart and +see what its arrangements are. I never had a thing perplex me so. + + + + +Three Months Later + + +The perplexity augments instead of diminishing. I sleep but little. It +has ceased from lying around, and goes about on its four legs now. Yet +it differs from the other four-legged animals in that its front legs +are unusually short, consequently this causes the main part of its +person to stick up uncomfortably high in the air, and this is not +attractive. It is built much as we are, but its method of travelling +shows that it is not of our breed. The short front legs and long hind +ones indicate that it is of the kangaroo family, but it is a marked +variation of the species, since the true kangaroo hops, whereas this +one never does. Still, it is a curious and interesting variety, and has +not been catalogued before. As I discovered it, I have felt justified +in securing the credit of the discovery by attaching my name to it, and +hence have called it Kangaroorum Adamiensis…. It must have been a young +one when it came, for it has grown exceedingly since. It must be five +times as big, now, as it was then, and when discontented is able to +make from twenty-two to thirty-eight times the noise it made at first. +Coercion does not modify this, but has the contrary effect. For this +reason I discontinued the system. She reconciles it by persuasion, and +by giving it things which she had previously told it she wouldn’t give +it. As already observed, I was not at home when it first came, and she +told me she found it in the woods. It seems odd that it should be the +only one, yet it must be so, for I have worn myself out these many +weeks trying to find another one to add to my collection, and for this +one to play with; for surely then it would be quieter, and we could +tame it more easily. But I find none, nor any vestige of any; and +strangest of all, no tracks. It has to live on the ground, it cannot +help itself; therefore, how does it get about without leaving a track? +I have set a dozen traps, but they do no good. I catch all small +animals except that one; animals that merely go into the trap out of +curiosity, I think, to see what the milk is there for. They never drink +it. + + + + +Three Months Later + + +The kangaroo still continues to grow, which is very strange and +perplexing. I never knew one to be so long getting its growth. It has +fur on its head now; not like kangaroo fur, but exactly like our hair, +except that it is much finer and softer, and instead of being black is +red. I am like to lose my mind over the capricious and harassing +developments of this unclassifiable zoological freak. If I could catch +another one—but that is hopeless; it is a new variety, and the only +sample; this is plain. But I caught a true kangaroo and brought it in, +thinking that this one, being lonesome, would rather have that for +company than have no kin at all, or any animal it could feel a nearness +to or get sympathy from in its forlorn condition here among strangers +who do not know its ways or habits, or what to do to make it feel that +it is among friends; but it was a mistake—it went into such fits at the +sight of the kangaroo that I was convinced it had never seen one +before. I pity the poor noisy little animal, but there is nothing I can +do to make it happy. If I could tame it—but that is out of the +question; the more I try, the worse I seem to make it. It grieves me to +the heart to see it in its little storms of sorrow and passion. I +wanted to let it go, but she wouldn’t hear of it. That seemed cruel and +not like her; and yet she may be right. It might be lonelier than ever; +for since I cannot find another one, how could it? + + + + +Five Months Later + + +It is not a kangaroo. No, for it supports itself by holding to her +finger, and thus goes a few steps on its hind legs, and then falls +down. It is probably some kind of a bear; and yet it has no tail—as +yet—and no fur, except on its head. It still keeps on growing—that is a +curious circumstance, for bears get their growth earlier than this. +Bears are dangerous—since our catastrophe—and I shall not be satisfied +to have this one prowling about the place much longer without a muzzle +on. I have offered to get her a kangaroo if she would let this one go, +but it did no good—she is determined to run us into all sorts of +foolish risks, I think. She was not like this before she lost her mind. + + + + +A Fortnight Later + + +I examined its mouth. There is no danger yet; it has only one tooth. It +has no tail yet. It makes more noise now than it ever did before—and +mainly at night. I have moved out. But I shall go over, mornings, to +breakfast, and to see if it has more teeth. If it gets a mouthful of +teeth, it will be time for it to go, tail or no tail, for a bear does +not need a tail in order to be dangerous. + + + + +Four Months Later + + +I have been off hunting and fishing a month, up in the region that she +calls Buffalo; I don’t know why, unless it is because there are not any +buffaloes there. Meantime the bear has learned to paddle around all by +itself on its hind legs, and says “poppa” and “momma.” It is certainly +a new species. This resemblance to words may be purely accidental, of +course, and may have no purpose or meaning; but even in that case it is +still extraordinary, and is a thing which no other bear can do. This +imitation of speech, taken together with general absence of fur and +entire absence of tail, sufficiently indicates that this is a new kind +of bear. The further study of it will be exceedingly interesting. +Meantime I will go off on a far expedition among the forests of the +North and make an exhaustive search. There must certainly be another +one somewhere, and this one will be less dangerous when it has company +of its own species. I will go straightway; but I will muzzle this one +first. + + + + +Three Months Later + + +It has been a weary, weary hunt, yet I have had no success. In the mean +time, without stirring from the home estate, she has caught another +one! I never saw such luck. I might have hunted these woods a hundred +years, I never should have run across that thing. + + + + +Next Day + + +I have been comparing the new one with the old one, and it is perfectly +plain that they are the same breed. I was going to stuff one of them +for my collection, but she is prejudiced against it for some reason or +other; so I have relinquished the idea, though I think it is a mistake. +It would be an irreparable loss to science if they should get away. The +old one is tamer than it was, and can laugh and talk like the parrot, +having learned this, no doubt, from being with the parrot so much, and +having the imitative faculty in a highly developed degree. I shall be +astonished if it turns out to be a new kind of parrot, and yet I ought +not to be astonished, for it has already been everything else it could +think of, since those first days when it was a fish. The new one is as +ugly now as the old one was at first; has the same sulphur-and-raw-meat +complexion and the same singular head without any fur on it. She calls +it Abel. + + + + +Ten Years Later + + +They are boys; we found it out long ago. It was their coming in that +small, immature shape that puzzled us; we were not used to it. There +are some girls now. Abel is a good boy, but if Cain had stayed a bear +it would have improved him. After all these years, I see that I was +mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the +Garden with her than inside it without her. At first I thought she +talked too much; but now I should be sorry to have that voice fall +silent and pass out of my life. Blessed be the chestnut that brought us +near together and taught me to know the goodness of her heart and the +sweetness of her spirit! + + + + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK EXTRACTS FROM ADAM’S DIARY *** + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will +be renamed. + +Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright +law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, +so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the +United States without permission and without paying copyright +royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms +of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online +at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you +are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the +country where you are located before using this eBook. +</div> +<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: Extracts From Adam’s Diary</div> +<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)</div> +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: September 15, 2004 [eBook #1892]<br /> +[Most recently updated: September 6, 2021]</div> +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</div> +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Character set encoding: UTF-8</div> +<div style='display:block; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Produced by: Kirk Pearson</div> +<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK EXTRACTS FROM ADAM’S DIARY ***</div> + +<div class="fig" style="width:55%;"> +<img src="images/cover.jpg" style="width:100%;" alt="[Illustration]" /> +</div> + +<h1>Extracts From Adam’s Diary</h1> + +<h3>Translated from the original MS.</h3> + +<h2 class="no-break">by Mark Twain</h2> + +<hr /> + +<p class="letter"> +[NOTE.—I translated a portion of this diary some years ago, and a friend +of mine printed a few copies in an incomplete form, but the public never got +them. Since then I have deciphered some more of Adam’s hieroglyphics, and +think he has now become sufficiently important as a public character to justify +this publication.—M. T.] +</p> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Monday</h2> + +<p> +This new creature with the long hair is a good deal in the way. It is always +hanging around and following me about. I don’t like this; I am not used +to company. I wish it would stay with the other animals. Cloudy to-day, wind in +the east; think we shall have rain…. Where did I get that word?… I remember +now—the new creature uses it. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Tuesday</h2> + +<p> +Been examining the great waterfall. It is the finest thing on the estate, I +think. The new creature calls it Niagara Falls—why, I am sure I do not +know. Says it looks like Niagara Falls. That is not a reason; it is mere +waywardness and imbecility. I get no chance to name anything myself. The new +creature names everything that comes along, before I can get in a protest. And +always that same pretext is offered—it looks like the thing. There is the +dodo, for instance. Says the moment one looks at it one sees at a glance that +it “looks like a dodo.” It will have to keep that name, no doubt. +It wearies me to fret about it, and it does no good, anyway. Dodo! It looks no +more like a dodo than I do. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Wednesday</h2> + +<p> +Built me a shelter against the rain, but could not have it to myself in peace. +The new creature intruded. When I tried to put it out it shed water out of the +holes it looks with, and wiped it away with the back of its paws, and made a +noise such as some of the other animals make when they are in distress. I wish +it would not talk; it is always talking. That sounds like a cheap fling at the +poor creature, a slur; but I do not mean it so. I have never heard the human +voice before, and any new and strange sound intruding itself here upon the +solemn hush of these dreaming solitudes offends my ear and seems a false note. +And this new sound is so close to me; it is right at my shoulder, right at my +ear, first on one side and then on the other, and I am used only to sounds that +are more or less distant from me. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Friday</h2> + +<p> +The naming goes recklessly on, in spite of anything I can do. I had a very good +name for the estate, and it was musical and pretty —GARDEN-OF-EDEN. +Privately, I continue to call it that, but not any longer publicly. The new +creature says it is all woods and rocks and scenery, and therefore has no +resemblance to a garden. Says it looks like a park, and does not look like +anything but a park. Consequently, without consulting me, it has been new-named +—NIAGARA FALLS PARK. This is sufficiently high-handed, it seems to me. +And already there is a sign up: +</p> + +<h5>KEEP OFF THE GRASS</h5> + +<p> +My life is not as happy as it was. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Saturday</h2> + +<p> +The new creature eats too much fruit. We are going to run short, most likely. +“We” again—that is its word; mine too, now, from hearing it +so much. Good deal of fog this morning. I do not go out in the fog myself. The +new creature does. It goes out in all weathers, and stumps right in with its +muddy feet. And talks. It used to be so pleasant and quiet here. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Sunday</h2> + +<p> +Pulled through. This day is getting to be more and more trying. It was selected +and set apart last November as a day of rest. I already had six of them per +week, before. This morning found the new creature trying to clod apples out of +that forbidden tree. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Monday</h2> + +<p> +The new creature says its name is Eve. That is all right, I have no objections. +Says it is to call it by when I want it to come. I said it was superfluous, +then. The word evidently raised me in its respect; and indeed it is a large, +good word, and will bear repetition. It says it is not an It, it is a She. This +is probably doubtful; yet it is all one to me; what she is were nothing to me +if she would but go by herself and not talk. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Tuesday</h2> + +<p> +She has littered the whole estate with execrable names and offensive signs: +</p> + +<h5>THIS WAY TO THE WHIRLPOOL.</h5> + +<h5>THIS WAY TO GOAT ISLAND.</h5> + +<h5>CAVE OF THE WINDS THIS WAY.</h5> + +<p> +She says this park would make a tidy summer resort, if there was any custom for +it. Summer resort—another invention of hers—just words, without any +meaning. What is a summer resort? But it is best not to ask her, she has such a +rage for explaining. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Friday</h2> + +<p> +She has taken to beseeching me to stop going over the Falls. What harm does it +do? Says it makes her shudder. I wonder why. I have always done it—always +liked the plunge, and the excitement, and the coolness. I supposed it was what +the Falls were for. They have no other use that I can see, and they must have +been made for something. She says they were only made for scenery—like +the rhinoceros and the mastodon. +</p> + +<p> +I went over the Falls in a barrel—not satisfactory to her. Went over in a +tub—still not satisfactory. Swam the Whirlpool and the Rapids in a +fig-leaf suit. It got much damaged. Hence, tedious complaints about my +extravagance. I am too much hampered here. What I need is change of scene. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Saturday</h2> + +<p> +I escaped last Tuesday night, and travelled two days, and built me another +shelter, in a secluded place, and obliterated my tracks as well as I could, but +she hunted me out by means of a beast which she has tamed and calls a wolf, and +came making that pitiful noise again, and shedding that water out of the places +she looks with. I was obliged to return with her, but will presently emigrate +again, when occasion offers. She engages herself in many foolish things: among +others, trying to study out why the animals called lions and tigers live on +grass and flowers, when, as she says, the sort of teeth they wear would +indicate that they were intended to eat each other. This is foolish, because to +do that would be to kill each other, and that would introduce what, as I +understand it, is called “death;” and death, as I have been told, +has not yet entered the Park. Which is a pity, on some accounts. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Sunday</h2> + +<p> +Pulled through. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Monday</h2> + +<p> +I believe I see what the week is for: it is to give time to rest up from the +weariness of Sunday. It seems a good idea…. She has been climbing that tree +again. Clodded her out of it. She said nobody was looking. Seems to consider +that a sufficient justification for chancing any dangerous thing. Told her +that. The word justification moved her admiration—and envy too, I +thought. It is a good word. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Thursday</h2> + +<p> +She told me she was made out of a rib taken from my body. This is at least +doubtful, if not more than that. I have not missed any rib…. She is in much +trouble about the buzzard; says grass does not agree with it; is afraid she +can’t raise it; thinks it was intended to live on decayed flesh. The +buzzard must get along the best it can with what is provided. We cannot +overturn the whole scheme to accommodate the buzzard. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Saturday</h2> + +<p> +She fell in the pond yesterday, when she was looking at herself in it, which +she is always doing. She nearly strangled, and said it was most uncomfortable. +This made her sorry for the creatures which live in there, which she calls +fish, for she continues to fasten names on to things that don’t need them +and don’t come when they are called by them, which is a matter of no +consequence to her, as she is such a numskull anyway; so she got a lot of them +out and brought them in last night and put them in my bed to keep warm, but I +have noticed them now and then all day, and I don’t see that they are any +happier there than they were before, only quieter. When night comes I shall +throw them out-doors. I will not sleep with them again, for I find them clammy +and unpleasant to lie among when a person hasn’t anything on. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Sunday</h2> + +<p> +Pulled through. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Tuesday</h2> + +<p> +She has taken up with a snake now. The other animals are glad, for she was +always experimenting with them and bothering them; and I am glad, because the +snake talks, and this enables me to get a rest. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Friday</h2> + +<p> +She says the snake advises her to try the fruit of that tree, and says the +result will be a great and fine and noble education. I told her there would be +another result, too—it would introduce death into the world. That was a +mistake—it had been better to keep the remark to myself; it only gave her +an idea—she could save the sick buzzard, and furnish fresh meat to the +despondent lions and tigers. I advised her to keep away from the tree. She said +she wouldn’t. I foresee trouble. Will emigrate. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Wednesday</h2> + +<p> +I have had a variegated time. I escaped that night, and rode a horse all night +as fast as he could go, hoping to get clear out of the Park and hide in some +other country before the trouble should begin; but it was not to be. About an +hour after sunup, as I was riding through a flowery plain where thousands of +animals were grazing, slumbering, or playing with each other, according to +their wont, all of a sudden they broke into a tempest of frightful noises, and +in one moment the plain was in a frantic commotion and every beast was +destroying its neighbor. I knew what it meant—Eve had eaten that fruit, +and death was come into the world…. The tigers ate my horse, paying no +attention when I ordered them to desist, and they would even have eaten me if I +had stayed—which I didn’t, but went away in much haste…. I found +this place, outside the Park, and was fairly comfortable for a few days, but +she has found me out. Found me out, and has named the place +Tonawanda—says it looks like that. In fact, I was not sorry she came, for +there are but meagre pickings here, and she brought some of those apples. I was +obliged to eat them, I was so hungry. It was against my principles, but I find +that principles have no real force except when one is well fed…. She came +curtained in boughs and bunches of leaves, and when I asked her what she meant +by such nonsense, and snatched them away and threw them down, she tittered and +blushed. I had never seen a person titter and blush before, and to me it seemed +unbecoming and idiotic. She said I would soon know how it was myself. This was +correct. Hungry as I was, I laid down the apple half eaten—certainly the +best one I ever saw, considering the lateness of the season—and arrayed +myself in the discarded boughs and branches, and then spoke to her with some +severity and ordered her to go and get some more and not make such a spectacle +of herself. She did it, and after this we crept down to where the wild-beast +battle had been, and collected some skins, and I made her patch together a +couple of suits proper for public occasions. They are uncomfortable, it is +true, but stylish, and that is the main point about clothes. … I find she is a +good deal of a companion. I see I should be lonesome and depressed without her, +now that I have lost my property. Another thing, she says it is ordered that we +work for our living hereafter. She will be useful. I will superintend. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Ten Days Later</h2> + +<p> +She accuses me of being the cause of our disaster! She says, with apparent +sincerity and truth, that the Serpent assured her that the forbidden fruit was +not apples, it was chestnuts. I said I was innocent, then, for I had not eaten +any chestnuts. She said the Serpent informed her that “chestnut” +was a figurative term meaning an aged and mouldy joke. I turned pale at that, +for I have made many jokes to pass the weary time, and some of them could have +been of that sort, though I had honestly supposed that they were new when I +made them. She asked me if I had made one just at the time of the catastrophe. +I was obliged to admit that I had made one to myself, though not aloud. It was +this. I was thinking about the Falls, and I said to myself, “How +wonderful it is to see that vast body of water tumble down there!” Then +in an instant a bright thought flashed into my head, and I let it fly, saying, +“It would be a deal more wonderful to see it tumble up +there!”—and I was just about to kill myself with laughing at it +when all nature broke loose in war and death, and I had to flee for my life. +“There,” she said, with triumph, “that is just it; the +Serpent mentioned that very jest, and called it the First Chestnut, and said it +was coeval with the creation.” Alas, I am indeed to blame. Would that I +were not witty; oh, would that I had never had that radiant thought! +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Next Year</h2> + +<p> +We have named it Cain. She caught it while I was up country trapping on the +North Shore of the Erie; caught it in the timber a couple of miles from our +dug-out—or it might have been four, she isn’t certain which. It +resembles us in some ways, and may be a relation. That is what she thinks, but +this is an error, in my judgment. The difference in size warrants the +conclusion that it is a different and new kind of animal—a fish, perhaps, +though when I put it in the water to see, it sank, and she plunged in and +snatched it out before there was opportunity for the experiment to determine +the matter. I still think it is a fish, but she is indifferent about what it +is, and will not let me have it to try. I do not understand this. The coming of +the creature seems to have changed her whole nature and made her unreasonable +about experiments. She thinks more of it than she does of any of the other +animals, but is not able to explain why. Her mind is +disordered—everything shows it. Sometimes she carries the fish in her +arms half the night when it complains and wants to get to the water. At such +times the water comes out of the places in her face that she looks out of, and +she pats the fish on the back and makes soft sounds with her mouth to soothe +it, and betrays sorrow and solicitude in a hundred ways. I have never seen her +do like this with any other fish, and it troubles me greatly. She used to carry +the young tigers around so, and play with them, before we lost our property; +but it was only play; she never took on about them like this when their dinner +disagreed with them. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Sunday</h2> + +<p> +She doesn’t work Sundays, but lies around all tired out, and likes to +have the fish wallow over her; and she makes fool noises to amuse it, and +pretends to chew its paws, and that makes it laugh. I have not seen a fish +before that could laugh. This makes me doubt…. I have come to like Sunday +myself. Superintending all the week tires a body so. There ought to be more +Sundays. In the old days they were tough, but now they come handy. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Wednesday</h2> + +<p> +It isn’t a fish. I cannot quite make out what it is. It makes curious, +devilish noises when not satisfied, and says “goo-goo” when it is. +It is not one of us, for it doesn’t walk; it is not a bird, for it +doesn’t fly; it is not a frog, for it doesn’t hop; it is not a +snake, for it doesn’t crawl; I feel sure it is not a fish, though I +cannot get a chance to find out whether it can swim or not. It merely lies +around, and mostly on its back, with its feet up. I have not seen any other +animal do that before. I said I believed it was an enigma, but she only admired +the word without understanding it. In my judgment it is either an enigma or +some kind of a bug. If it dies, I will take it apart and see what its +arrangements are. I never had a thing perplex me so. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Three Months Later</h2> + +<p> +The perplexity augments instead of diminishing. I sleep but little. It has +ceased from lying around, and goes about on its four legs now. Yet it differs +from the other four-legged animals in that its front legs are unusually short, +consequently this causes the main part of its person to stick up uncomfortably +high in the air, and this is not attractive. It is built much as we are, but +its method of travelling shows that it is not of our breed. The short front +legs and long hind ones indicate that it is of the kangaroo family, but it is a +marked variation of the species, since the true kangaroo hops, whereas this one +never does. Still, it is a curious and interesting variety, and has not been +catalogued before. As I discovered it, I have felt justified in securing the +credit of the discovery by attaching my name to it, and hence have called it +Kangaroorum Adamiensis…. It must have been a young one when it came, for it has +grown exceedingly since. It must be five times as big, now, as it was then, and +when discontented is able to make from twenty-two to thirty-eight times the +noise it made at first. Coercion does not modify this, but has the contrary +effect. For this reason I discontinued the system. She reconciles it by +persuasion, and by giving it things which she had previously told it she +wouldn’t give it. As already observed, I was not at home when it first +came, and she told me she found it in the woods. It seems odd that it should be +the only one, yet it must be so, for I have worn myself out these many weeks +trying to find another one to add to my collection, and for this one to play +with; for surely then it would be quieter, and we could tame it more easily. +But I find none, nor any vestige of any; and strangest of all, no tracks. It +has to live on the ground, it cannot help itself; therefore, how does it get +about without leaving a track? I have set a dozen traps, but they do no good. I +catch all small animals except that one; animals that merely go into the trap +out of curiosity, I think, to see what the milk is there for. They never drink +it. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Three Months Later</h2> + +<p> +The kangaroo still continues to grow, which is very strange and perplexing. I +never knew one to be so long getting its growth. It has fur on its head now; +not like kangaroo fur, but exactly like our hair, except that it is much finer +and softer, and instead of being black is red. I am like to lose my mind over +the capricious and harassing developments of this unclassifiable zoological +freak. If I could catch another one—but that is hopeless; it is a new +variety, and the only sample; this is plain. But I caught a true kangaroo and +brought it in, thinking that this one, being lonesome, would rather have that +for company than have no kin at all, or any animal it could feel a nearness to +or get sympathy from in its forlorn condition here among strangers who do not +know its ways or habits, or what to do to make it feel that it is among +friends; but it was a mistake—it went into such fits at the sight of the +kangaroo that I was convinced it had never seen one before. I pity the poor +noisy little animal, but there is nothing I can do to make it happy. If I could +tame it—but that is out of the question; the more I try, the worse I seem +to make it. It grieves me to the heart to see it in its little storms of sorrow +and passion. I wanted to let it go, but she wouldn’t hear of it. That +seemed cruel and not like her; and yet she may be right. It might be lonelier +than ever; for since I cannot find another one, how could it? +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Five Months Later</h2> + +<p> +It is not a kangaroo. No, for it supports itself by holding to her finger, and +thus goes a few steps on its hind legs, and then falls down. It is probably +some kind of a bear; and yet it has no tail—as yet—and no fur, +except on its head. It still keeps on growing—that is a curious +circumstance, for bears get their growth earlier than this. Bears are +dangerous—since our catastrophe—and I shall not be satisfied to +have this one prowling about the place much longer without a muzzle on. I have +offered to get her a kangaroo if she would let this one go, but it did no +good—she is determined to run us into all sorts of foolish risks, I +think. She was not like this before she lost her mind. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>A Fortnight Later</h2> + +<p> +I examined its mouth. There is no danger yet; it has only one tooth. It has no +tail yet. It makes more noise now than it ever did before—and mainly at +night. I have moved out. But I shall go over, mornings, to breakfast, and to +see if it has more teeth. If it gets a mouthful of teeth, it will be time for +it to go, tail or no tail, for a bear does not need a tail in order to be +dangerous. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Four Months Later</h2> + +<p> +I have been off hunting and fishing a month, up in the region that she calls +Buffalo; I don’t know why, unless it is because there are not any +buffaloes there. Meantime the bear has learned to paddle around all by itself +on its hind legs, and says “poppa” and “momma.” It is +certainly a new species. This resemblance to words may be purely accidental, of +course, and may have no purpose or meaning; but even in that case it is still +extraordinary, and is a thing which no other bear can do. This imitation of +speech, taken together with general absence of fur and entire absence of tail, +sufficiently indicates that this is a new kind of bear. The further study of it +will be exceedingly interesting. Meantime I will go off on a far expedition +among the forests of the North and make an exhaustive search. There must +certainly be another one somewhere, and this one will be less dangerous when it +has company of its own species. I will go straightway; but I will muzzle this +one first. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Three Months Later</h2> + +<p> +It has been a weary, weary hunt, yet I have had no success. In the mean time, +without stirring from the home estate, she has caught another one! I never saw +such luck. I might have hunted these woods a hundred years, I never should have +run across that thing. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Next Day</h2> + +<p> +I have been comparing the new one with the old one, and it is perfectly plain +that they are the same breed. I was going to stuff one of them for my +collection, but she is prejudiced against it for some reason or other; so I +have relinquished the idea, though I think it is a mistake. It would be an +irreparable loss to science if they should get away. The old one is tamer than +it was, and can laugh and talk like the parrot, having learned this, no doubt, +from being with the parrot so much, and having the imitative faculty in a +highly developed degree. I shall be astonished if it turns out to be a new kind +of parrot, and yet I ought not to be astonished, for it has already been +everything else it could think of, since those first days when it was a fish. +The new one is as ugly now as the old one was at first; has the same +sulphur-and-raw-meat complexion and the same singular head without any fur on +it. She calls it Abel. +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> + +<h2>Ten Years Later</h2> + +<p> +They are boys; we found it out long ago. It was their coming in that small, +immature shape that puzzled us; we were not used to it. There are some girls +now. Abel is a good boy, but if Cain had stayed a bear it would have improved +him. After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the +beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it +without her. At first I thought she talked too much; but now I should be sorry +to have that voice fall silent and pass out of my life. Blessed be the chestnut +that brought us near together and taught me to know the goodness of her heart +and the sweetness of her spirit! +</p> + +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div style='display:block; margin-top:4em'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK EXTRACTS FROM ADAM’S DIARY ***</div> +<div style='text-align:left'> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will +be renamed. +</div> + +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright +law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, +so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United +States without permission and without paying copyright +royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part +of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project +Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™ +concept and trademark. 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Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ff0a067 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #1892 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/1892) diff --git a/old/1892.txt b/old/1892.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..dd726b1 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/1892.txt @@ -0,0 +1,870 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Extracts From Adam's Diary +by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Extracts From Adam's Diary + +Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +Release Date: September 15, 2004 [EBook #1892] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK EXTRACTS FROM ADAM'S DIARY *** + + + + +Produced by Kirk Pearson + + + + + +EXTRACTS FROM ADAM'S DIARY + +Translated from the original MS. + +by Mark Twain + + + + +[NOTE.--I translated a portion of this diary some years ago, and +a friend of mine printed a few copies in an incomplete form, but +the public never got them. Since then I have deciphered some more +of Adam's hieroglyphics, and think he has now become sufficiently +important as a public character to justify this publication.--M. T.] + + + + +Monday + +This new creature with the long hair is a good deal in the way. +It is always hanging around and following me about. I don't like +this; I am not used to company. I wish it would stay with the +other animals. Cloudy to-day, wind in the east; think we shall +have rain.... Where did I get that word?... I remember now +--the new creature uses it. + +Tuesday + +Been examining the great waterfall. It is the finest thing on the +estate, I think. The new creature calls it Niagara Falls--why, +I am sure I do not know. Says it looks like Niagara Falls. That +is not a reason; it is mere waywardness and imbecility. I get no +chance to name anything myself. The new creature names everything +that comes along, before I can get in a protest. And always that +same pretext is offered--it looks like the thing. There is the +dodo, for instance. Says the moment one looks at it one sees at +a glance that it "looks like a dodo." It will have to keep that +name, no doubt. It wearies me to fret about it, and it does no +good, anyway. Dodo! It looks no more like a dodo than I do. + +Wednesday + +Built me a shelter against the rain, but could not have it to +myself in peace. The new creature intruded. When I tried to put +it out it shed water out of the holes it looks with, and wiped it +away with the back of its paws, and made a noise such as some of +the other animals make when they are in distress. I wish it would +not talk; it is always talking. That sounds like a cheap fling +at the poor creature, a slur; but I do not mean it so. I have never +heard the human voice before, and any new and strange sound +intruding itself here upon the solemn hush of these dreaming +solitudes offends my ear and seems a false note. And this new +sound is so close to me; it is right at my shoulder, right at my +ear, first on one side and then on the other, and I am used only +to sounds that are more or less distant from me. + +Friday + +The naming goes recklessly on, in spite of anything I can do. I +had a very good name for the estate, and it was musical and pretty +--GARDEN-OF-EDEN. Privately, I continue to call it that, but not +any longer publicly. The new creature says it is all woods and +rocks and scenery, and therefore has no resemblance to a garden. +Says it looks like a park, and does not look like anything but a +park. Consequently, without consulting me, it has been new-named +--NIAGARA FALLS PARK. This is sufficiently high-handed, it seems to +me. And already there is a sign up: + + KEEP OFF + THE GRASS + +My life is not as happy as it was. + +Saturday + +The new creature eats too much fruit. We are going to run short, +most likely. "We" again--that is its word; mine too, now, from +hearing it so much. Good deal of fog this morning. I do not go +out in the fog myself. The new creature does. It goes out in +all weathers, and stumps right in with its muddy feet. And talks. +It used to be so pleasant and quiet here. + +Sunday + +Pulled through. This day is getting to be more and more trying. +It was selected and set apart last November as a day of rest. I +already had six of them per week, before. This morning found the +new creature trying to clod apples out of that forbidden tree. + +Monday + +The new creature says its name is Eve. That is all right, I have +no objections. Says it is to call it by when I want it to come. +I said it was superfluous, then. The word evidently raised me in +its respect; and indeed it is a large, good word, and will bear +repetition. It says it is not an It, it is a She. This is probably +doubtful; yet it is all one to me; what she is were nothing to me +if she would but go by herself and not talk. + +Tuesday + +She has littered the whole estate with execrable names and offensive +signs: + +THIS WAY TO THE WHIRLPOOL. + +THIS WAY TO GOAT ISLAND. + +CAVE OF THE WINDS THIS WAY. + +She says this park would make a tidy summer resort, if there was +any custom for it. Summer resort--another invention of hers--just +words, without any meaning. What is a summer resort? But it is +best not to ask her, she has such a rage for explaining. + +Friday + +She has taken to beseeching me to stop going over the Falls. What +harm does it do? Says it makes her shudder. I wonder why. I have +always done it--always liked the plunge, and the excitement, and +the coolness. I supposed it was what the Falls were for. They +have no other use that I can see, and they must have been made for +something. She says they were only made for scenery--like the +rhinoceros and the mastodon. + +I went over the Falls in a barrel--not satisfactory to her. Went +over in a tub--still not satisfactory. Swam the Whirlpool and the +Rapids in a fig-leaf suit. It got much damaged. Hence, tedious +complaints about my extravagance. I am too much hampered here. +What I need is change of scene. + +Saturday + +I escaped last Tuesday night, and travelled two days, and built +me another shelter, in a secluded place, and obliterated my tracks +as well as I could, but she hunted me out by means of a beast which +she has tamed and calls a wolf, and came making that pitiful noise +again, and shedding that water out of the places she looks with. +I was obliged to return with her, but will presently emigrate again, +when occasion offers. She engages herself in many foolish things: +among others, trying to study out why the animals called lions and +tigers live on grass and flowers, when, as she says, the sort of +teeth they wear would indicate that they were intended to eat each +other. This is foolish, because to do that would be to kill each +other, and that would introduce what, as I understand it, is called +"death;" and death, as I have been told, has not yet entered the +Park. Which is a pity, on some accounts. + +Sunday + +Pulled through. + +Monday + +I believe I see what the week is for: it is to give time to rest +up from the weariness of Sunday. It seems a good idea.... She +has been climbing that tree again. Clodded her out of it. She +said nobody was looking. Seems to consider that a sufficient +justification for chancing any dangerous thing. Told her that. +The word justification moved her admiration--and envy too, I +thought. It is a good word. + +Thursday + +She told me she was made out of a rib taken from my body. This +is at least doubtful, if not more than that. I have not missed +any rib.... She is in much trouble about the buzzard; says +grass does not agree with it; is afraid she can't raise it; thinks +it was intended to live on decayed flesh. The buzzard must get +along the best it can with what is provided. We cannot overturn +the whole scheme to accommodate the buzzard. + +Saturday + +She fell in the pond yesterday, when she was looking at herself +in it, which she is always doing. She nearly strangled, and said +it was most uncomfortable. This made her sorry for the creatures +which live in there, which she calls fish, for she continues to +fasten names on to things that don't need them and don't come when +they are called by them, which is a matter of no consequence to +her, as she is such a numskull anyway; so she got a lot of them +out and brought them in last night and put them in my bed to keep +warm, but I have noticed them now and then all day, and I don't +see that they are any happier there than they were before, only +quieter. When night comes I shall throw them out-doors. I will +not sleep with them again, for I find them clammy and unpleasant +to lie among when a person hasn't anything on. + +Sunday + +Pulled through. + +Tuesday + +She has taken up with a snake now. The other animals are glad, +for she was always experimenting with them and bothering them; +and I am glad, because the snake talks, and this enables me to +get a rest. + +Friday + +She says the snake advises her to try the fruit of that tree, and +says the result will be a great and fine and noble education. I +told her there would be another result, too--it would introduce +death into the world. That was a mistake--it had been better to +keep the remark to myself; it only gave her an idea--she could +save the sick buzzard, and furnish fresh meat to the despondent +lions and tigers. I advised her to keep away from the tree. She +said she wouldn't. I foresee trouble. Will emigrate. + +Wednesday + +I have had a variegated time. I escaped that night, and rode a +horse all night as fast as he could go, hoping to get clear out of +the Park and hide in some other country before the trouble should +begin; but it was not to be. About an hour after sunup, as I was +riding through a flowery plain where thousands of animals were +grazing, slumbering, or playing with each other, according to their +wont, all of a sudden they broke into a tempest of frightful noises, +and in one moment the plain was in a frantic commotion and every +beast was destroying its neighbor. I knew what it meant--Eve had +eaten that fruit, and death was come into the world.... The +tigers ate my horse, paying no attention when I ordered them to +desist, and they would even have eaten me if I had stayed--which +I didn't, but went away in much haste.... I found this place, +outside the Park, and was fairly comfortable for a few days, but +she has found me out. Found me out, and has named the place +Tonawanda--says it looks like that. In fact, I was not sorry she +came, for there are but meagre pickings here, and she brought some +of those apples. I was obliged to eat them, I was so hungry. It +was against my principles, but I find that principles have no real +force except when one is well fed.... She came curtained in +boughs and bunches of leaves, and when I asked her what she meant +by such nonsense, and snatched them away and threw them down, she +tittered and blushed. I had never seen a person titter and blush +before, and to me it seemed unbecoming and idiotic. She said I +would soon know how it was myself. This was correct. Hungry as +I was, I laid down the apple half eaten--certainly the best one I +ever saw, considering the lateness of the season--and arrayed +myself in the discarded boughs and branches, and then spoke to her +with some severity and ordered her to go and get some more and not +make such a spectacle of herself. She did it, and after this we +crept down to where the wild-beast battle had been, and collected +some skins, and I made her patch together a couple of suits proper +for public occasions. They are uncomfortable, it is true, but +stylish, and that is the main point about clothes. ... I find +she is a good deal of a companion. I see I should be lonesome and +depressed without her, now that I have lost my property. Another +thing, she says it is ordered that we work for our living hereafter. +She will be useful. I will superintend. + +Ten Days Later + +She accuses me of being the cause of our disaster! She says, with +apparent sincerity and truth, that the Serpent assured her that +the forbidden fruit was not apples, it was chestnuts. I said I +was innocent, then, for I had not eaten any chestnuts. She said +the Serpent informed her that "chestnut" was a figurative term +meaning an aged and mouldy joke. I turned pale at that, for I +have made many jokes to pass the weary time, and some of them could +have been of that sort, though I had honestly supposed that they +were new when I made them. She asked me if I had made one just +at the time of the catastrophe. I was obliged to admit that I had +made one to myself, though not aloud. It was this. I was thinking +about the Falls, and I said to myself, "How wonderful it is to see +that vast body of water tumble down there!" Then in an instant a +bright thought flashed into my head, and I let it fly, saying, "It +would be a deal more wonderful to see it tumble up there!"--and I +was just about to kill myself with laughing at it when all nature +broke loose in war and death, and I had to flee for my life. +"There," she said, with triumph, "that is just it; the Serpent +mentioned that very jest, and called it the First Chestnut, and +said it was coeval with the creation." Alas, I am indeed to blame. +Would that I were not witty; oh, would that I had never had that +radiant thought! + +Next Year + +We have named it Cain. She caught it while I was up country +trapping on the North Shore of the Erie; caught it in the timber +a couple of miles from our dug-out--or it might have been four, +she isn't certain which. It resembles us in some ways, and may +be a relation. That is what she thinks, but this is an error, +in my judgment. The difference in size warrants the conclusion +that it is a different and new kind of animal--a fish, perhaps, +though when I put it in the water to see, it sank, and she plunged +in and snatched it out before there was opportunity for the +experiment to determine the matter. I still think it is a fish, +but she is indifferent about what it is, and will not let me have +it to try. I do not understand this. The coming of the creature +seems to have changed her whole nature and made her unreasonable +about experiments. She thinks more of it than she does of any of +the other animals, but is not able to explain why. Her mind is +disordered--everything shows it. Sometimes she carries the fish +in her arms half the night when it complains and wants to get to +the water. At such times the water comes out of the places in +her face that she looks out of, and she pats the fish on the back +and makes soft sounds with her mouth to soothe it, and betrays +sorrow and solicitude in a hundred ways. I have never seen her +do like this with any other fish, and it troubles me greatly. She +used to carry the young tigers around so, and play with them, +before we lost our property; but it was only play; she never took +on about them like this when their dinner disagreed with them. + +Sunday + +She doesn't work Sundays, but lies around all tired out, and likes +to have the fish wallow over her; and she makes fool noises to +amuse it, and pretends to chew its paws, and that makes it laugh. +I have not seen a fish before that could laugh. This makes me +doubt.... I have come to like Sunday myself. Superintending +all the week tires a body so. There ought to be more Sundays. +In the old days they were tough, but now they come handy. + +Wednesday + +It isn't a fish. I cannot quite make out what it is. It makes +curious, devilish noises when not satisfied, and says "goo-goo" +when it is. It is not one of us, for it doesn't walk; it is not +a bird, for it doesn't fly; it is not a frog, for it doesn't hop; +it is not a snake, for it doesn't crawl; I feel sure it is not a +fish, though I cannot get a chance to find out whether it can swim +or not. It merely lies around, and mostly on its back, with its +feet up. I have not seen any other animal do that before. I said +I believed it was an enigma, but she only admired the word without +understanding it. In my judgment it is either an enigma or some +kind of a bug. If it dies, I will take it apart and see what its +arrangements are. I never had a thing perplex me so. + +Three Months Later + +The perplexity augments instead of diminishing. I sleep but little. +It has ceased from lying around, and goes about on its four legs +now. Yet it differs from the other four-legged animals in that +its front legs are unusually short, consequently this causes the +main part of its person to stick up uncomfortably high in the air, +and this is not attractive. It is built much as we are, but its +method of travelling shows that it is not of our breed. The short +front legs and long hind ones indicate that it is of the kangaroo +family, but it is a marked variation of the species, since the +true kangaroo hops, whereas this one never does. Still, it is a +curious and interesting variety, and has not been catalogued before. +As I discovered it, I have felt justified in securing the credit +of the discovery by attaching my name to it, and hence have called +it Kangaroorum Adamiensis.... It must have been a young one +when it came, for it has grown exceedingly since. It must be five +times as big, now, as it was then, and when discontented is able +to make from twenty-two to thirty-eight times the noise it made +at first. Coercion does not modify this, but has the contrary +effect. For this reason I discontinued the system. She reconciles +it by persuasion, and by giving it things which she had previously +told it she wouldn't give it. As already observed, I was not at +home when it first came, and she told me she found it in the woods. +It seems odd that it should be the only one, yet it must be so, +for I have worn myself out these many weeks trying to find another +one to add to my collection, and for this one to play with; for +surely then it would be quieter, and we could tame it more easily. +But I find none, nor any vestige of any; and strangest of all, no +tracks. It has to live on the ground, it cannot help itself; +therefore, how does it get about without leaving a track? I have +set a dozen traps, but they do no good. I catch all small animals +except that one; animals that merely go into the trap out of +curiosity, I think, to see what the milk is there for. They never +drink it. + +Three Months Later + +The kangaroo still continues to grow, which is very strange and +perplexing. I never knew one to be so long getting its growth. +It has fur on its head now; not like kangaroo fur, but exactly +like our hair, except that it is much finer and softer, and instead +of being black is red. I am like to lose my mind over the capricious +and harassing developments of this unclassifiable zoological freak. +If I could catch another one--but that is hopeless; it is a new +variety, and the only sample; this is plain. But I caught a true +kangaroo and brought it in, thinking that this one, being lonesome, +would rather have that for company than have no kin at all, or any +animal it could feel a nearness to or get sympathy from in its +forlorn condition here among strangers who do not know its ways +or habits, or what to do to make it feel that it is among friends; +but it was a mistake--it went into such fits at the sight of the +kangaroo that I was convinced it had never seen one before. I +pity the poor noisy little animal, but there is nothing I can do +to make it happy. If I could tame it--but that is out of the +question; the more I try, the worse I seem to make it. It grieves +me to the heart to see it in its little storms of sorrow and +passion. I wanted to let it go, but she wouldn't hear of it. That +seemed cruel and not like her; and yet she may be right. It might +be lonelier than ever; for since I cannot find another one, how +could it? + +Five Months Later + +It is not a kangaroo. No, for it supports itself by holding to +her finger, and thus goes a few steps on its hind legs, and then +falls down. It is probably some kind of a bear; and yet it has +no tail--as yet--and no fur, except on its head. It still keeps +on growing--that is a curious circumstance, for bears get their +growth earlier than this. Bears are dangerous--since our +catastrophe--and I shall not be satisfied to have this one prowling +about the place much longer without a muzzle on. I have offered +to get her a kangaroo if she would let this one go, but it did no +good--she is determined to run us into all sorts of foolish risks, +I think. She was not like this before she lost her mind. + +A Fortnight Later + +I examined its mouth. There is no danger yet; it has only one +tooth. It has no tail yet. It makes more noise now than it ever +did before--and mainly at night. I have moved out. But I shall +go over, mornings, to breakfast, and to see if it has more teeth. +If it gets a mouthful of teeth, it will be time for it to go, tail +or no tail, for a bear does not need a tail in order to be +dangerous. + +Four Months Later + +I have been off hunting and fishing a month, up in the region that +she calls Buffalo; I don't know why, unless it is because there +are not any buffaloes there. Meantime the bear has learned to +paddle around all by itself on its hind legs, and says "poppa" +and "momma." It is certainly a new species. This resemblance to +words may be purely accidental, of course, and may have no purpose +or meaning; but even in that case it is still extraordinary, and +is a thing which no other bear can do. This imitation of speech, +taken together with general absence of fur and entire absence of +tail, sufficiently indicates that this is a new kind of bear. The +further study of it will be exceedingly interesting. Meantime I +will go off on a far expedition among the forests of the North and +make an exhaustive search. There must certainly be another one +somewhere, and this one will be less dangerous when it has company +of its own species. I will go straightway; but I will muzzle this +one first. + +Three Months Later + +It has been a weary, weary hunt, yet I have had no success. In +the mean time, without stirring from the home estate, she has +caught another one! I never saw such luck. I might have hunted +these woods a hundred years, I never should have run across that +thing. + +Next Day + +I have been comparing the new one with the old one, and it is +perfectly plain that they are the same breed. I was going to stuff +one of them for my collection, but she is prejudiced against it +for some reason or other; so I have relinquished the idea, though +I think it is a mistake. It would be an irreparable loss to science +if they should get away. The old one is tamer than it was, and +can laugh and talk like the parrot, having learned this, no doubt, +from being with the parrot so much, and having the imitative faculty +in a highly developed degree. I shall be astonished if it turns +out to be a new kind of parrot, and yet I ought not to be astonished, +for it has already been everything else it could think of, since +those first days when it was a fish. The new one is as ugly now +as the old one was at first; has the same sulphur-and-raw-meat +complexion and the same singular head without any fur on it. She +calls it Abel. + +Ten Years Later + +They are boys; we found it out long ago. It was their coming in +that small, immature shape that puzzled us; we were not used to it. +There are some girls now. Abel is a good boy, but if Cain had +stayed a bear it would have improved him. After all these years, +I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better +to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her. +At first I thought she talked too much; but now I should be sorry +to have that voice fall silent and pass out of my life. Blessed +be the chestnut that brought us near together and taught me to +know the goodness of her heart and the sweetness of her spirit! + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Extracts From Adam's Diary +by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK EXTRACTS FROM ADAM'S DIARY *** + +***** This file should be named 1892.txt or 1892.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/8/9/1892/ + +Produced by Kirk Pearson + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END* + + + + + +This Etext prepared by Kirk Pearson, kpearson@nyx.net + + + + + +Extracts From Adam's Diary + +Translated from the original MS. + +by Mark Twain + + + + +[NOTE.--I translated a portion of this diary some years ago, and +a friend of mine printed a few copies in an incomplete form, but +the public never got them. Since then I have deciphered some more +of Adam's hieroglyphics, and think he has now become sufficiently +important as a public character to justify this publication.--M. T.] + + +Monday + +This new creature with the long hair is a good deal in the way. +It is always hanging around and following me about. I don't like +this; I am not used to company. I wish it would stay with the +other animals. Cloudy to-day, wind in the east; think we shall +have rain. ... Where did I get that word? ... I remember now-- +the new creature uses it. + +Tuesday + +Been examining the great waterfall. It is the finest thing on the +estate, I think. The new creature calls it Niagara Falls--why, +I am sure I do not know. Says it looks like Niagara Falls. That +is not a reason; it is mere waywardness and imbecility. I get no +chance to name anything myself. The new creature names everything +that comes along, before I can get in a protest. And always that +same pretext is offered--it looks like the thing. There is the +dodo, for instance. Says the moment one looks at it one sees at +a glance that it "looks like a dodo." It will have to keep that +name, no doubt. It wearies me to fret about it, and it does no +good, anyway. Dodo! It looks no more like a dodo than I do. + +Wednesday + +Built me a shelter against the rain, but could not have it to +myself in peace. The new creature intruded. When I tried to put +it out it shed water out of the holes it looks with, and wiped it +away with the back of its paws, and made a noise such as some of +the other animals make when they are in distress. I wish it would +not talk; it is always talking. That sounds like a cheap fling +at the poor creature, a slur; but I do not mean it so. I have never +heard the human voice before, and any new and strange sound +intruding itself here upon the solemn hush of these dreaming +solitudes offends my ear and seems a false note. And this new +sound is so close to me; it is right at my shoulder, right at my +ear, first on one side and then on the other, and I am used only +to sounds that are more or less distant from me. + +Friday + +The naming goes recklessly on, in spite of anything I can do. I +had a very good name for the estate, and it was musical and pretty-- +GARDEN-OF-EDEN. Privately, I continue to call it that, but not +any longer publicly. The new creature says it is all woods and +rocks and scenery, and therefore has no resemblance to a garden. +Says it looks like a park, and does not look like anything but a +park. Consequently, without consulting me, it has been new-named-- +NIAGARA FALLS PARK. This is sufficiently high-handed, it seems to +me. And already there is a sign up: + + KEEP OFF + THE GRASS + +My life is not as happy as it was. + +Saturday + +The new creature eats too much fruit. We are going to run short, +most likely. "We" again--that is its word; mine too, now, from +hearing it so much. Good deal of fog this morning. I do not go +out in the fog myself. The new creature does. It goes out in +all weathers, and stumps right in with its muddy feet. And talks. +It used to be so pleasant and quiet here. + +Sunday + +Pulled through. This day is getting to be more and more trying. +It was selected and set apart last November as a day of rest. I +already had six of them per week, before. This morning found the +new creature trying to clod apples out of that forbidden tree. + +Monday + +The new creature says its name is Eve. That is all right, I have +no objections. Says it is to call it by when I want it to come. +I said it was superfluous, then. The word evidently raised me in +its respect; and indeed it is a large, good word, and will bear +repetition. It says it is not an It, it is a She. This is probably +doubtful; yet it is all one to me; what she is were nothing to me +if she would but go by herself and not talk. + +Tuesday + +She has littered the whole estate with execrable names and offensive +signs: + +THIS WAY TO THE WHIRLPOOL. + +THIS WAY TO GOAT ISLAND. + +CAVE OF THE WINDS THIS WAY. + +She says this park would make a tidy summer resort, if there was +any custom for it. Summer resort--another invention of hers--just +words, without any meaning. What is a summer resort? But it is +best not to ask her, she has such a rage for explaining. + +Friday + +She has taken to beseeching me to stop going over the Falls. What +harm does it do? Says it makes her shudder. I wonder why. I have +always done it--always liked the plunge, and the excitement, and +the coolness. I supposed it was what the Falls were for. They +have no other use that I can see, and they must have been made for +something. She says they were only made for scenery--like the +rhinoceros and the mastodon. + +I went over the Falls in a barrel--not satisfactory to her. Went +over in a tub--still not satisfactory. Swam the Whirlpool and the +Rapids in a fig-leaf suit. It got much damaged. Hence, tedious +complaints about my extravagance. I am too much hampered here. +What I need is change of scene. + +Saturday + +I escaped last Tuesday night, and travelled two days, and built +me another shelter, in a secluded place, and obliterated my tracks +as well as I could, but she hunted me out by means of a beast which +she has tamed and calls a wolf, and came making that pitiful noise +again, and shedding that water out of the places she looks with. +I was obliged to return with her, but will presently emigrate again, +when occasion offers. She engages herself in many foolish things: +among others, trying to study out why the animals called lions and +tigers live on grass and flowers, when, as she says, the sort of +teeth they wear would indicate that they were intended to eat each +other. This is foolish, because to do that would be to kill each +other, and that would introduce what, as I understand it, is called +"death;" and death, as I have been told, has not yet entered the +Park. Which is a pity, on some accounts. + +Sunday + +Pulled through. + +Monday + +I believe I see what the week is for: it is to give time to rest +up from the weariness of Sunday. It seems a good idea. ... She +has been climbing that tree again. Clodded her out of it. She +said nobody was looking. Seems to consider that a sufficient +justification for chancing any dangerous thing. Told her that. +The word justification moved her admiration--and envy too, I +thought. It is a good word. + +Thursday + +She told me she was made out of a rib taken from my body. This +is at least doubtful, if not more than that. I have not missed +any rib. ... She is in much trouble about the buzzard; says +grass does not agree with it; is afraid she can't raise it; thinks +it was intended to live on decayed flesh. The buzzard must get +along the best it can with what is provided. We cannot overturn +the whole scheme to accommodate the buzzard. + +Saturday + +She fell in the pond yesterday, when she was looking at herself +in it, which she is always doing. She nearly strangled, and said +it was most uncomfortable. This made her sorry for the creatures +which live in there, which she calls fish, for she continues to +fasten names on to things that don't need them and don't come when +they are called by them, which is a matter of no consequence to +her, as she is such a numskull anyway; so she got a lot of them +out and brought them in last night and put them in my bed to keep +warm, but I have noticed them now and then all day, and I don't +see that they are any happier there than they were before, only +quieter. When night comes I shall throw them out-doors. I will +not sleep with them again, for I find them clammy and unpleasant +to lie among when a person hasn't anything on. + +Sunday + +Pulled through. + +Tuesday + +She has taken up with a snake now. The other animals are glad, +for she was always experimenting with them and bothering them; +and I am glad, because the snake talks, and this enables me to +get a rest. + +Friday + +She says the snake advises her to try the fruit of that tree, and +says the result will be a great and fine and noble education. I +told her there would be another result, too--it would introduce +death into the world. That was a mistake--it had been better to +keep the remark to myself; it only gave her an idea--she could +save the sick buzzard, and furnish fresh meat to the despondent +lions and tigers. I advised her to keep away from the tree. She +said she wouldn't. I foresee trouble. Will emigrate. + +Wednesday + +I have had a variegated time. I escaped that night, and rode a +horse all night as fast as he could go, hoping to get clear out of +the Park and hide in some other country before the trouble should +begin; but it was not to be. About an hour after sunup, as I was +riding through a flowery plain where thousands of animals were +grazing, slumbering, or playing with each other, according to their +wont, all of a sudden they broke into a tempest of frightful noises, +and in one moment the plain was in a frantic commotion and every +beast was destroying its neighbor. I knew what it meant--Eve had +eaten that fruit, and death was come into the world. ... The +tigers ate my horse, paying no attention when I ordered them to +desist, and they would even have eaten me if I had stayed--which +I didn't, but went away in much haste. ... I found this place, +outside the Park, and was fairly comfortable for a few days, but +she has found me out. Found me out, and has named the place +Tonawanda--says it looks like that. In fact, I was not sorry she +came, for there are but meagre pickings here, and she brought some +of those apples. I was obliged to eat them, I was so hungry. It +was against my principles, but I find that principles have no real +force except when one is well fed. ... She came curtained in +boughs and bunches of leaves, and when I asked her what she meant +by such nonsense, and snatched them away and threw them down, she +tittered and blushed. I had never seen a person titter and blush +before, and to me it seemed unbecoming and idiotic. She said I +would soon know how it was myself. This was correct. Hungry as +I was, I laid down the apple half eaten--certainly the best one I +ever saw, considering the lateness of the season--and arrayed +myself in the discarded boughs and branches, and then spoke to her +with some severity and ordered her to go and get some more and not +make such a spectacle of herself. She did it, and after this we +crept down to where the wild-beast battle had been, and collected +some skins, and I made her patch together a couple of suits proper +for public occasions. They are uncomfortable, it is true, but +stylish, and that is the main point about clothes. ... I find +she is a good deal of a companion. I see I should be lonesome and +depressed without her, now that I have lost my property. Another +thing, she says it is ordered that we work for our living hereafter. +She will be useful. I will superintend. + +Ten Days Later + +She accuses me of being the cause of our disaster! She says, with +apparent sincerity and truth, that the Serpent assured her that +the forbidden fruit was not apples, it was chestnuts. I said I +was innocent, then, for I had not eaten any chestnuts. She said +the Serpent informed her that "chestnut" was a figurative term +meaning an aged and mouldy joke. I turned pale at that, for I +have made many jokes to pass the weary time, and some of them could +have been of that sort, though I had honestly supposed that they +were new when I made them. She asked me if I had made one just +at the time of the catastrophe. I was obliged to admit that I had +made one to myself, though not aloud. It was this. I was thinking +about the Falls, and I said to myself, "How wonderful it is to see +that vast body of water tumble down there!" Then in an instant a +bright thought flashed into my head, and I let it fly, saying, "It +would be a deal more wonderful to see it tumble up there!"--and I +was just about to kill myself with laughing at it when all nature +broke loose in war and death, and I had to flee for my life. +"There," she said, with triumph, "that is just it; the Serpent +mentioned that very jest, and called it the First Chestnut, and +said it was coeval with the creation." Alas, I am indeed to blame. +Would that I were not witty; oh, would that I had never had that +radiant thought! + +Next Year + +We have named it Cain. She caught it while I was up country +trapping on the North Shore of the Erie; caught it in the timber +a couple of miles from our dug-out--or it might have been four, +she isn't certain which. It resembles us in some ways, and may +be a relation. That is what she thinks, but this is an error, +in my judgment. The difference in size warrants the conclusion +that it is a different and new kind of animal--a fish, perhaps, +though when I put it in the water to see, it sank, and she plunged +in and snatched it out before there was opportunity for the +experiment to determine the matter. I still think it is a fish, +but she is indifferent about what it is, and will not let me have +it to try. I do not understand this. The coming of the creature +seems to have changed her whole nature and made her unreasonable +about experiments. She thinks more of it than she does of any of +the other animals, but is not able to explain why. Her mind is +disordered--everything shows it. Sometimes she carries the fish +in her arms half the night when it complains and wants to get to +the water. At such times the water comes out of the places in +her face that she looks out of, and she pats the fish on the back +and makes soft sounds with her mouth to soothe it, and betrays +sorrow and solicitude in a hundred ways. I have never seen her +do like this with any other fish, and it troubles me greatly. She +used to carry the young tigers around so, and play with them, +before we lost our property; but it was only play; she never took +on about them like this when their dinner disagreed with them. + +Sunday + +She doesn't work Sundays, but lies around all tired out, and likes +to have the fish wallow over her; and she makes fool noises to +amuse it, and pretends to chew its paws, and that makes it laugh. +I have not seen a fish before that could laugh. This makes me +doubt. ... I have come to like Sunday myself. Superintending +all the week tires a body so. There ought to be more Sundays. +In the old days they were tough, but now they come handy. + +Wednesday + +It isn't a fish. I cannot quite make out what it is. It makes +curious, devilish noises when not satisfied, and says "goo-goo" +when it is. It is not one of us, for it doesn't walk; it is not +a bird, for it doesn't fly; it is not a frog, for it doesn't hop; +it is not a snake, for it doesn't crawl; I feel sure it is not a +fish, though I cannot get a chance to find out whether it can swim +or not. It merely lies around, and mostly on its back, with its +feet up. I have not seen any other animal do that before. I said +I believed it was an enigma, but she only admired the word without +understanding it. In my judgment it is either an enigma or some +kind of a bug. If it dies, I will take it apart and see what its +arrangements are. I never had a thing perplex me so. + +Three Months Later + +The perplexity augments instead of diminishing. I sleep but little. +It has ceased from lying around, and goes about on its four legs +now. Yet it differs from the other four-legged animals in that +its front legs are unusually short, consequently this causes the +main part of its person to stick up uncomfortably high in the air, +and this is not attractive. It is built much as we are, but its +method of travelling shows that it is not of our breed. The short +front legs and long hind ones indicate that it is of the kangaroo +family, but it is a marked variation of the species, since the +true kangaroo hops, whereas this one never does. Still, it is a +curious and interesting variety, and has not been catalogued before. +As I discovered it, I have felt justified in securing the credit +of the discovery by attaching my name to it, and hence have called +it Kangaroorum Adamiensis. ... It must have been a young one +when it came, for it has grown exceedingly since. It must be five +times as big, now, as it was then, and when discontented is able +to make from twenty-two to thirty-eight times the noise it made +at first. Coercion does not modify this, but has the contrary +effect. For this reason I discontinued the system. She reconciles +it by persuasion, and by giving it things which she had previously +told it she wouldn't give it. As already observed, I was not at +home when it first came, and she told me she found it in the woods. +It seems odd that it should be the only one, yet it must be so, +for I have worn myself out these many weeks trying to find another +one to add to my collection, and for this one to play with; for +surely then it would be quieter, and we could tame it more easily. +But I find none, nor any vestige of any; and strangest of all, no +tracks. It has to live on the ground, it cannot help itself; +therefore, how does it get about without leaving a track? I have +set a dozen traps, but they do no good. I catch all small animals +except that one; animals that merely go into the trap out of +curiosity, I think, to see what the milk is there for. They never +drink it. + +Three Months Later + +The kangaroo still continues to grow, which is very strange and +perplexing. I never knew one to be so long getting its growth. +It has fur on its head now; not like kangaroo fur, but exactly +like our hair, except that it is much finer and softer, and instead +of being black is red. I am like to lose my mind over the capricious +and harassing developments of this unclassifiable zoological freak. +If I could catch another one--but that is hopeless; it is a new +variety, and the only sample; this is plain. But I caught a true +kangaroo and brought it in, thinking that this one, being lonesome, +would rather have that for company than have no kin at all, or any +animal it could feel a nearness to or get sympathy from in its +forlorn condition here among strangers who do not know its ways +or habits, or what to do to make it feel that it is among friends; +but it was a mistake--it went into such fits at the sight of the +kangaroo that I was convinced it had never seen one before. I +pity the poor noisy little animal, but there is nothing I can do +to make it happy. If I could tame it--but that is out of the +question; the more I try, the worse I seem to make it. It grieves +me to the heart to see it in its little storms of sorrow and +passion. I wanted to let it go, but she wouldn't hear of it. That +seemed cruel and not like her; and yet she may be right. It might +be lonelier than ever; for since I cannot find another one, how +could it? + +Five Months Later + +It is not a kangaroo. No, for it supports itself by holding to +her finger, and thus goes a few steps on its hind legs, and then +falls down. It is probably some kind of a bear; and yet it has +no tail--as yet--and no fur, except on its head. It still keeps +on growing--that is a curious circumstance, for bears get their +growth earlier than this. Bears are dangerous--since our +catastrophe--and I shall not be satisfied to have this one prowling +about the place much longer without a muzzle on. I have offered +to get her a kangaroo if she would let this one go, but it did no +good--she is determined to run us into all sorts of foolish risks, +I think. She was not like this before she lost her mind. + +A Fortnight Later + +I examined its mouth. There is no danger yet; it has only one +tooth. It has no tail yet. It makes more noise now than it ever +did before--and mainly at night. I have moved out. But I shall +go over, mornings, to breakfast, and to see if it has more teeth. +If it gets a mouthful of teeth, it will be time for it to go, tail +or no tail, for a bear does not need a tail in order to be +dangerous. + +Four Months Later + +I have been off hunting and fishing a month, up in the region that +she calls Buffalo; I don't know why, unless it is because there +are not any buffaloes there. Meantime the bear has learned to +paddle around all by itself on its hind legs, and says "poppa" +and "momma." It is certainly a new species. This resemblance to +words may be purely accidental, of course, and may have no purpose +or meaning; but even in that case it is still extraordinary, and +is a thing which no other bear can do. This imitation of speech, +taken together with general absence of fur and entire absence of +tail, sufficiently indicates that this is a new kind of bear. The +further study of it will be exceedingly interesting. Meantime I +will go off on a far expedition among the forests of the North and +make an exhaustive search. There must certainly be another one +somewhere, and this one will be less dangerous when it has company +of its own species. I will go straightway; but I will muzzle this +one first. + +Three Months Later + +It has been a weary, weary hunt, yet I have had no success. In +the mean time, without stirring from the home estate, she has +caught another one! I never saw such luck. I might have hunted +these woods a hundred years, I never should have run across that +thing. + +Next Day + +I have been comparing the new one with the old one, and it is +perfectly plain that they are the same breed. I was going to stuff +one of them for my collection, but she is prejudiced against it +for some reason or other; so I have relinquished the idea, though +I think it is a mistake. It would be an irreparable loss to science +if they should get away. The old one is tamer than it was, and +can laugh and talk like the parrot, having learned this, no doubt, +from being with the parrot so much, and having the imitative faculty +in a highly developed degree. I shall be astonished if it turns +out to be a new kind of parrot, and yet I ought not to be astonished, +for it has already been everything else it could think of, since +those first days when it was a fish. The new one is as ugly now +as the old one was at first; has the same sulphur-and-raw-meat +complexion and the same singular head without any fur on it. She +calls it Abel. + +Ten Years Later + +They are boys; we found it out long ago. It was their coming in +that small, immature shape that puzzled us; we were not used to it. +There are some girls now. Abel is a good boy, but if Cain had +stayed a bear it would have improved him. After all these years, +I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better +to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her. +At first I thought she talked too much; but now I should be sorry +to have that voice fall silent and pass out of my life. Blessed +be the chestnut that brought us near together and taught me to +know the goodness of her heart and the sweetness of her spirit! + + + + + +End of The Project Gutenberg Etext Extracts From Adam's Diary, by Twain + diff --git a/old/xadam10.zip b/old/xadam10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..2547475 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/xadam10.zip |
