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+Project Gutenberg's He Walked Around the Horses, by Henry Beam Piper
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: He Walked Around the Horses
+
+Author: Henry Beam Piper
+
+Illustrator: Cartier
+
+Release Date: July 11, 2006 [EBook #18807]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HE WALKED AROUND THE HORSES ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Greg Weeks, William Woods and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+Transcriber's note:
+This etext was produced from Astounding Science Fiction April 1948.
+Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the copyright
+on this publication was renewed.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+HE WALKED
+AROUND THE HORSES
+
+BY H. BEAM PIPER
+
+Illustrated by Cartier
+
+_This tale is based on an authenticated,
+documented fact. A man vanished--right
+out of this world. And where he went--_
+
+
+_In November 1809, an Englishman named Benjamin Bathurst vanished,
+inexplicably and utterly._
+
+_He was en route to Hamburg from Vienna, where he had been serving
+as his government's envoy to the court of what Napoleon had left
+of the Austrian Empire. At an inn in Perleburg, in Prussia, while
+examining a change of horses for his coach, he casually stepped
+out of sight of his secretary and his valet. He was not seen to
+leave the inn yard. He was not seen again, ever._
+
+_At least, not in this continuum...._
+
+
+
+(From Baron Eugen von Krutz, Minister of Police, to His Excellency
+the Count von Berchtenwald, Chancellor to His Majesty Friedrich
+Wilhelm III of Prussia.)
+
+25 November, 1809
+
+Your Excellency:
+
+A circumstance has come to the notice of this Ministry, the
+significance of which I am at a loss to define, but, since it
+appears to involve matters of State, both here and abroad, I am
+convinced that it is of sufficient importance to be brought to
+your personal attention. Frankly, I am unwilling to take any
+further action in the matter without your advice.
+
+Briefly, the situation is this: We are holding, here at the
+Ministry of Police, a person giving his name as Benjamin Bathurst,
+who claims to be a British diplomat. This person was taken into
+custody by the police at Perleburg yesterday, as a result of a
+disturbance at an inn there; he is being detained on technical
+charges of causing disorder in a public place, and of being a
+suspicious person. When arrested, he had in his possession a
+dispatch case, containing a number of papers; these are of such an
+extraordinary nature that the local authorities declined to assume
+any responsibility beyond having the man sent here to Berlin.
+
+After interviewing this person and examining his papers, I am,
+I must confess, in much the same position. This is not, I am
+convinced, any ordinary police matter; there is something very
+strange and disturbing here. The man's statements, taken alone,
+are so incredible as to justify the assumption that he is mad. I
+cannot, however, adopt this theory, in view of his demeanor,
+which is that of a man of perfect rationality, and because of the
+existence of these papers. The whole thing is mad; incomprehensible!
+
+The papers in question accompany, along with copies of the
+various statements taken at Perleburg, a personal letter to me
+from my nephew, Lieutenant Rudolf von Tarlburg. This last is
+deserving of your particular attention; Lieutenant von Tarlburg
+is a very level-headed young officer, not at all inclined to be
+fanciful or imaginative. It would take a good deal to affect him
+as he describes.
+
+The man calling himself Benjamin Bathurst is now lodged in an
+apartment here at the Ministry; he is being treated with every
+consideration, and, except for freedom of movement, accorded
+every privilege.
+
+I am, most anxiously awaiting your advice, et cetera, et cetera,
+
+Krutz
+
+
+
+(Report of Traugott Zeller, _Oberwachtmeister_, _Staatspolizei_,
+made at Perleburg, 25 November, 1809.)
+
+At about ten minutes past two of the afternoon of Saturday, 25
+November, while I was at the police station, there entered a man
+known to me as Franz Bauer, an inn servant employed by Christian
+Hauck, at the sign of the Sword & Scepter, here in Perleburg.
+This man Franz Bauer made complaint to _Staatspolizeikapitan_
+Ernst Hartenstein, saying that there was a madman making trouble
+at the inn where he, Franz Bauer, worked. I was, therefore,
+directed, by _Staatspolizeikapitan_ Hartenstein, to go to the
+Sword & Scepter Inn, there to act at discretion to maintain the
+peace.
+
+Arriving at the inn in company with the said Franz Bauer, I found
+a considerable crowd of people in the common room, and, in the
+midst of them, the innkeeper, Christian Hauck, in altercation with
+a stranger. This stranger was a gentlemanly-appearing person,
+dressed in traveling clothes, who had under his arm a small
+leather dispatch case. As I entered, I could hear him, speaking in
+German with a strong English accent, abusing the innkeeper, the
+said Christian Hauck, and accusing him of having drugged his, the
+stranger's, wine, and of having stolen his, the stranger's,
+coach-and-four, and of having abducted his, the stranger's,
+secretary and servants. This the said Christian Hauck was loudly
+denying, and the other people in the inn were taking the
+innkeeper's part, and mocking the stranger for a madman.
+
+On entering, I commanded everyone to be silent, in the king's name,
+and then, as he appeared to be the complaining party of the dispute,
+I required the foreign gentleman to state to me what was the
+trouble. He then repeated his accusations against the innkeeper,
+Hauck, saying that Hauck, or, rather, another man who resembled
+Hauck and who had claimed to be the innkeeper, had drugged his wine
+and stolen his coach and made off with his secretary and his
+servants. At this point, the innkeeper and the bystanders all began
+shouting denials and contradictions, so that I had to pound on a
+table with my truncheon to command silence.
+
+I then required the innkeeper, Christian Hauck, to answer the
+charges which the stranger had made; this he did with a complete
+denial of all of them, saying that the stranger had had no wine
+in his inn, and that he had not been inside the inn until a few
+minutes before, when he had burst in shouting accusations, and
+that there had been no secretary, and no valet, and no coachman,
+and no coach-and-four, at the inn, and that the gentleman was
+raving mad. To all this, he called the people who were in the
+common room to witness.
+
+I then required the stranger to account for himself. He said
+that his name was Benjamin Bathurst, and that he was a British
+diplomat, returning to England from Vienna. To prove this, he
+produced from his dispatch case sundry papers. One of these was
+a letter of safe-conduct, issued by the Prussian Chancellery, in
+which he was named and described as Benjamin Bathurst. The other
+papers were English, all bearing seals, and appearing to be
+official documents.
+
+Accordingly, I requested him to accompany me to the police station,
+and also the innkeeper, and three men whom the innkeeper wanted to
+bring as witnesses.
+
+Traugott Zeller
+_Oberwachtmeister_
+
+Report approved,
+
+Ernst Hartenstein
+_Staatspolizeikapitan_
+
+
+
+(Statement of the self-so-called Benjamin Bathurst, taken at the
+police station at Perleburg, 25 November, 1809.)
+
+My name is Benjamin Bathurst, and I am Envoy Extraordinary and
+Minister Plenipotentiary of the government of His Britannic Majesty
+to the court of His Majesty Franz I, Emperor of Austria, or, at
+least, I was until the events following the Austrian surrender
+made necessary my return to London. I left Vienna on the morning
+of Monday, the 20th, to go to Hamburg to take ship home; I was
+traveling in my own coach-and-four, with my secretary, Mr. Bertram
+Jardine, and my valet, William Small, both British subjects, and
+a coachman, Josef Bidek, an Austrian subject, whom I had hired
+for the trip. Because of the presence of French troops, whom I
+was anxious to avoid, I was forced to make a detour west as far
+as Salzburg before turning north toward Magdeburg, where I
+crossed the Elbe. I was unable to get a change of horses for my
+coach after leaving Gera, until I reached Perleburg, where I
+stopped at the Sword & Scepter Inn.
+
+Arriving there, I left my coach in the inn yard, and I and my
+secretary, Mr. Jardine, went into the inn. A man, not this fellow
+here, but another rogue, with more beard and less paunch, and
+more shabbily dressed, but as like him as though he were his
+brother, represented himself as the innkeeper, and I dealt with
+him for a change of horses, and ordered a bottle of wine for
+myself and my secretary, and also a pot of beer apiece for my
+valet and the coachman, to be taken outside to them. Then Jardine
+and I sat down to our wine, at a table in the common room, until
+the man who claimed to be the innkeeper came back and told us
+that the fresh horses were harnessed to the coach and ready to
+go. Then we went outside again.
+
+I looked at the two horses on the off side, and then walked around
+in front of the team to look at the two nigh-side horses, and as I
+did I felt giddy, as though I were about to fall, and everything
+went black before my eyes. I thought I was having a fainting
+spell, something I am not at all subject to, and I put out my hand
+to grasp the hitching bar, but could not find it. I am sure, now,
+that I was unconscious for some time, because when my head
+cleared, the coach and horses were gone, and in their place was a
+big farm wagon, jacked up in front, with the right front wheel
+off, and two peasants were greasing the detached wheel.
+
+I looked at them for a moment, unable to credit my eyes, and
+then I spoke to them in German, saying, "Where the devil's my
+coach-and-four?"
+
+They both straightened, startled: the one who was holding the wheel
+almost dropped it.
+
+"Pardon, excellency," he said, "there's been no coach-and-four here,
+all the time we've been here."
+
+"Yes," said his mate, "and we've been here since just after noon."
+
+I did not attempt to argue with them. It occurred to me--and
+it is still my opinion--that I was the victim of some plot; that
+my wine had been drugged, that I had been unconscious for some
+time, during which my coach had been removed and this wagon
+substituted for it, and that these peasants had been put to work
+on it and instructed what to say if questioned. If my arrival at
+the inn had been anticipated, and everything put in readiness,
+the whole business would not have taken ten minutes.
+
+I therefore entered the inn, determined to have it out with
+this rascally innkeeper, but when I returned to the common room,
+he was nowhere to be seen, and this other fellow, who has given
+his name as Christian Hauck, claimed to be the innkeeper and
+denied knowledge of any of the things I have just stated.
+Furthermore, there were four cavalrymen, Uhlans, drinking beer
+and playing cards at the table where Jardine and I had had our
+wine, and they claimed to have been there for several hours.
+
+I have no idea why such an elaborate prank, involving the
+participation of many people, should be played on me, except at
+the instigation of the French. In that case, I cannot understand
+why Prussian soldiers should lend themselves to it.
+
+Benjamin Bathurst
+
+
+
+(Statement of Christian Hauck, innkeeper, taken at the police
+station at Perleburg, 25 November, 1809.)
+
+May it please your honor, my name is Christian Hauck, and I keep
+an inn at the sign of the Sword & Scepter, and have these past
+fifteen years, and my father, and his father, before me, for the
+past fifty years, and never has there been a complaint like this
+against my inn. Your honor, it is a hard thing for a man who
+keeps a decent house, and pays his taxes, and obeys the laws,
+to be accused of crimes of this sort.
+
+I know nothing of this gentleman, nor of his coach, nor his
+secretary, nor his servants; I never set eyes on him before he
+came bursting into the inn from the yard, shouting and raving
+like a madman, and crying out, "Where the devil's that rogue of
+an innkeeper?"
+
+I said to him, "I am the innkeeper; what cause have you to
+call me a rogue, sir?"
+
+The stranger replied:
+
+"You're not the innkeeper I did business with a few minutes ago,
+and he's the rascal I want to see. I want to know what the devil's
+been done with my coach, and what's happened to my secretary and
+my servants."
+
+I tried to tell him that I knew nothing of what he was talking
+about, but he would not listen, and gave me the lie, saying that
+he had been drugged and robbed, and his people kidnaped. He even
+had the impudence to claim that he and his secretary had been
+sitting at a table in that room, drinking wine, not fifteen
+minutes before, when there had been four noncommissioned officers
+of the Third Uhlans at that table since noon. Everybody in the
+room spoke up for me, but he would not listen, and was shouting
+that we were all robbers, and kidnapers, and French spies, and I
+don't know what all, when the police came.
+
+Your honor, the man is mad. What I have told you about this is the
+truth, and all that I know about this business, so help me God.
+
+Christian Hauck
+
+
+
+(Statement of Franz Bauer, inn servant, taken at the police station
+at Perleburg, 25 November, 1809.)
+
+May it please your honor, my name is Franz Bauer, and I am a
+servant at the Sword & Scepter Inn, kept by Christian Hauck.
+
+This afternoon, when I went into the inn yard to empty a bucket of
+slops on the dung heap by the stables, I heard voices and turned
+around, to see this gentleman speaking to Wilhelm Beick and Fritz
+Herzer, who were greasing their wagon in the yard. He had not been
+in the yard when I had turned away to empty the bucket, and I
+thought that he must have come in from the street. This gentleman
+was asking Beick and Herzer where was his coach, and when they
+told him they didn't know, he turned and ran into the inn.
+
+Of my own knowledge, the man had not been inside the inn before
+then, nor had there been any coach, or any of the people he spoke
+of, at the inn, and none of the things he spoke of happened there,
+for otherwise I would know, since I was at the inn all day.
+
+When I went back inside, I found him in the common room shouting
+at my master, and claiming that he had been drugged and robbed. I
+saw that he was mad and was afraid that he would do some mischief,
+so I went for the police.
+
+Franz Bauer
+his (x) mark
+
+
+
+(Statements of Wilhelm Beick and Fritz Herzer, peasants, taken at
+the police station at Perleburg, 25 November, 1809.)
+
+May it please your honor, my name is Wilhelm Beick, and I am
+a tenant on the estate of the Baron von Hentig. On this day, I
+and Fritz Herzer were sent into Perleburg with a load of potatoes
+and cabbages which the innkeeper at the Sword & Scepter had
+bought from the estate superintendent. After we had unloaded
+them, we decided to grease our wagon, which was very dry, before
+going back, so we unhitched and began working on it. We took
+about two hours, starting just after we had eaten lunch, and in
+all that time, there was no coach-and-four in the inn yard. We
+were just finishing when this gentleman spoke to us, demanding to
+know where his coach was. We told him that there had been no
+coach in the yard all the time we had been there, so he turned
+around and ran into the inn. At the time, I thought that he had
+come out of the inn before speaking to us, for I know that he
+could not have come in from the street. Now I do not know where
+he came from, but I know that I never saw him before that moment.
+
+Wilhelm Beick
+his (x) mark
+
+I have heard the above testimony, and it is true to my own
+knowledge, and I have nothing to add to it.
+
+Fritz Herzer
+his (x) mark
+
+
+
+(From _Staatspolizeikapitan_ Ernst Hartenstein, to His Excellency,
+the Baron von Krutz, Minister of Police.)
+
+25 November, 1809
+
+Your Excellency:
+
+The accompanying copies of statements taken this day will explain
+how the prisoner, the self-so-called Benjamin Bathurst, came into
+my custody. I have charged him with causing disorder and being a
+suspicious person, to hold him until more can be learned about
+him. However, as he represents himself to be a British diplomat,
+I am unwilling to assume any further responsibility, and am
+having him sent to your excellency, in Berlin.
+
+In the first place, your excellency, I have the strongest doubts
+of the man's story. The statement which he made before me, and
+signed, is bad enough, with a coach-and-four turning into a farm
+wagon, like Cinderella's coach into a pumpkin, and three people
+vanishing as though swallowed by the earth. But all this is
+perfectly reasonable and credible, beside the things he said to
+me, of which no record was made.
+
+Your excellency will have noticed, in his statement, certain
+allusions to the Austrian surrender, and to French troops in
+Austria. After his statement had been taken down, I noticed these
+allusions, and I inquired, what surrender, and what were French
+troops doing in Austria. The man looked at me in a pitying
+manner, and said:
+
+"News seems to travel slowly, hereabouts; peace was concluded
+at Vienna on the 14th of last month. And as for what French
+troops are doing in Austria, they're doing the same things
+Bonaparte's brigands are doing everywhere in Europe."
+
+"And who is Bonaparte?" I asked.
+
+He stared at me as though I had asked him, "Who is the Lord Jehovah?"
+Then, after a moment, a look of comprehension came into his face.
+
+"So, you Prussians concede him the title of Emperor, and refer
+to him as Napoleon," he said. "Well, I can assure you that His
+Britannic Majesty's government haven't done so, and never will;
+not so long as one Englishman has a finger left to pull a trigger.
+General Bonaparte is a usurper; His Britannic Majesty's government
+do not recognize any sovereignty in France except the House of
+Bourbon." This he said very sternly, as though rebuking me.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+It took me a moment or so to digest that, and to appreciate all its
+implications. Why, this fellow evidently believed, as a matter of
+fact, that the French Monarchy had been overthrown by some military
+adventurer named Bonaparte, who was calling himself the Emperor
+Napoleon, and who had made war on Austria and forced a surrender. I
+made no attempt to argue with him--one wastes time arguing with
+madmen--but if this man could believe that, the transformation of a
+coach-and-four into a cabbage wagon was a small matter indeed. So,
+to humor him, I asked him if he thought General Bonaparte's agents
+were responsible for his trouble at the inn.
+
+"Certainly," he replied. "The chances are they didn't know me
+to see me, and took Jardine for the minister, and me for the
+secretary, so they made off with poor Jardine. I wonder, though,
+that they left me my dispatch case. And that reminds me; I'll
+want that back. Diplomatic papers, you know."
+
+I told him, very seriously, that we would have to check his
+credentials. I promised him I would make every effort to locate
+his secretary and his servants and his coach, took a complete
+description of all of them, and persuaded him to go into an
+upstairs room, where I kept him under guard. I did start
+inquiries, calling in all my informers and spies, but, as I
+expected, I could learn nothing. I could not find anybody, even,
+who had seen him anywhere in Perleburg before he appeared at the
+Sword & Scepter, and that rather surprised me, as somebody should
+have seen him enter the town, or walk along the street.
+
+In this connection, let me remind your excellency of the
+discrepancy in the statements of the servant, Franz Bauer, and of
+the two peasants. The former is certain the man entered the inn
+yard from the street; the latter are just as positive that he did
+not. Your excellency, I do not like such puzzles, for I am sure
+that all three were telling the truth to the best of their
+knowledge. They are ignorant common folk, I admit, but they
+should know what they did or did not see.
+
+After I got the prisoner into safekeeping, I fell to examining his
+papers, and I can assure your excellency that they gave me a shock.
+I had paid little heed to his ravings about the King of France
+being dethroned, or about this General Bonaparte who called himself
+the Emperor Napoleon, but I found all these things mentioned in his
+papers and dispatches, which had every appearance of being official
+documents. There was repeated mention of the taking, by the French,
+of Vienna, last May, and of the capitulation of the Austrian
+Emperor to this General Bonaparte, and of battles being fought all
+over Europe, and I don't know what other fantastic things. Your
+excellency, I have heard of all sorts of madmen--one believing
+himself to be the Archangel Gabriel, or Mohammed, or a werewolf,
+and another convinced that his bones are made of glass, or that he
+is pursued and tormented by devils--but so help me God, this is the
+first time I have heard of a madman who had documentary proof for
+his delusions! Does your excellency wonder, then, that I want no
+part of this business?
+
+But the matter of his credentials was even worse. He had papers,
+sealed with the seal of the British Foreign Office, and to every
+appearance genuine--but they were signed, as Foreign Minister, by
+one George Canning, and all the world knows that Lord Castlereagh
+has been Foreign Minister these last five years. And to cap it
+all, he had a safe-conduct, sealed with the seal of the Prussian
+Chancellery--the very seal, for I compared it, under a strong
+magnifying glass, with one that I knew to be genuine, and they
+were identical!--and yet, this letter was signed, as Chancellor,
+not by Count von Berchtenwald, but by Baron Stein, the Minister of
+Agriculture, and the signature, as far as I could see, appeared to
+be genuine! This is too much for me, your excellency; I must ask
+to be excused from dealing with this matter, before I become as
+mad as my prisoner!
+
+I made arrangements, accordingly, with Colonel Keitel, of the
+Third Uhlans, to furnish an officer to escort this man into
+Berlin. The coach in which they come belongs to this police
+station, and the driver is one of my men. He should be furnished
+expense money to get back to Perleburg. The guard is a corporal
+of Uhlans, the orderly of the officer. He will stay with the
+_Herr Oberleutnant_, and both of them will return here at their
+own convenience and expense.
+
+I have the honor, your excellency, to be, et cetera, et cetera.
+
+Ernst Hartenstein
+_Staatspolizeikapitan_
+
+
+
+(From _Oberleutnant_ Rudolf von Tarlburg, to Baron Eugen von Krutz.)
+
+26 November, 1809
+
+Dear Uncle Eugen;
+
+This is in no sense a formal report; I made that at the Ministry,
+when I turned the Englishman and his papers over to one of your
+officers--a fellow with red hair and a face like a bulldog. But
+there are a few things which you should be told, which wouldn't
+look well in an official report, to let you know just what sort
+of a rare fish has got into your net.
+
+I had just come in from drilling my platoon, yesterday, when
+Colonel Keitel's orderly told me that the colonel wanted to see
+me in his quarters. I found the old fellow in undress in his
+sitting room, smoking his big pipe.
+
+"Come in, lieutenant; come in and sit down, my boy!" he greeted
+me, in that bluff, hearty manner which he always adopts with his
+junior officers when he has some particularly nasty job to be
+done. "How would you like to take a little trip in to Berlin? I
+have an errand, which won't take half an hour, and you can stay
+as long as you like, just so you're back by Thursday, when your
+turn comes up for road patrol."
+
+Well, I thought, this is the bait. I waited to see what the hook
+would look like, saying that it was entirely agreeable with me,
+and asking what his errand was.
+
+"Well, it isn't for myself, Tarlburg," he said. "It's for this
+fellow Hartenstein, the _Staatspolizeikapitan_ here. He has
+something he wants done at the Ministry of Police, and I thought
+of you because I've heard you're related to the Baron von Krutz.
+You are, aren't you?" he asked, just as though he didn't know all
+about who all his officers are related to.
+
+"That's right, colonel; the baron is my uncle," I said. "What
+does Hartenstein want done?"
+
+"Why, he has a prisoner whom he wants taken to Berlin and turned
+over at the Ministry. All you have to do is to take him in, in a
+coach, and see he doesn't escape on the way, and get a receipt
+for him, and for some papers. This is a very important prisoner;
+I don't think Hartenstein has anybody he can trust to handle him.
+The prisoner claims to be some sort of a British diplomat, and
+for all Hartenstein knows, maybe he is. Also, he is a madman."
+
+"A madman?" I echoed.
+
+"Yes, just so. At least, that's what Hartenstein told me. I wanted
+to know what sort of a madman--there are various kinds of madmen,
+all of whom must be handled differently--but all Hartenstein would
+tell me was that he had unrealistic beliefs about the state of
+affairs in Europe."
+
+"Ha! What diplomat hasn't?" I asked.
+
+Old Keitel gave a laugh, somewhere between the bark of a dog and
+the croaking of a raven.
+
+"Yes, exactly! The unrealistic beliefs of diplomats are what
+soldiers die of," he said. "I said as much to Hartenstein, but he
+wouldn't tell me anything more. He seemed to regret having said
+even that much. He looked like a man who's seen a particularly
+terrifying ghost." The old man puffed hard at his famous pipe for
+a while, blowing smoke through his mustache. "Rudi, Hartenstein
+has pulled a hot potato out of the ashes, this time, and he wants
+to toss it to your uncle, before he burns his fingers. I think
+that's one reason why he got me to furnish an escort for his
+Englishman. Now, look; you must take this unrealistic diplomat,
+or this undiplomatic madman, or whatever in blazes he is, in to
+Berlin. And understand this." He pointed his pipe at me as though
+it were a pistol. "Your orders are to take him there and turn him
+over at the Ministry of Police. Nothing has been said about
+whether you turn him over alive, or dead, or half one and half
+the other. I know nothing about this business, and want to know
+nothing; if Hartenstein wants us to play gaol warders for him,
+then he must be satisfied with our way of doing it!"
+
+Well, to cut short the story, I looked at the coach Hartenstein
+had placed at my disposal, and I decided to chain the left door
+shut on the outside, so that it couldn't be opened from within.
+Then, I would put my prisoner on my left, so that the only way out
+would be past me. I decided not to carry any weapons which he
+might be able to snatch from me, so I took off my saber and locked
+it in the seat box, along with the dispatch case containing the
+Englishman's papers. It was cold enough to wear a greatcoat in
+comfort, so I wore mine, and in the right side pocket, where my
+prisoner couldn't reach, I put a little leaded bludgeon, and also
+a brace of pocket pistols. Hartenstein was going to furnish me a
+guard as well as a driver, but I said that I would take a servant,
+who could act as guard. The servant, of course, was my orderly,
+old Johann; I gave him my double hunting gun to carry, with a big
+charge of boar shot in one barrel and an ounce ball in the other.
+
+In addition, I armed myself with a big bottle of cognac. I thought
+that if I could shoot my prisoner often enough with that, he would
+give me no trouble.
+
+As it happened, he didn't, and none of my precautions--except
+the cognac--were needed. The man didn't look like a lunatic to
+me. He was a rather stout gentleman, of past middle age, with a
+ruddy complexion and an intelligent face. The only unusual thing
+about him was his hat, which was a peculiar contraption, looking
+like a pot. I put him in the carriage, and then offered him a
+drink out of my bottle, taking one about half as big myself. He
+smacked his lips over it and said, "Well, that's real brandy;
+whatever we think of their detestable politics, we can't
+criticize the French for their liquor." Then, he said, "I'm glad
+they're sending me in the custody of a military gentleman,
+instead of a confounded gendarme. Tell me the truth, lieutenant;
+am I under arrest for anything?"
+
+"Why," I said, "Captain Hartenstein should have told you about
+that. All I know is that I have orders to take you to the Ministry
+of Police, in Berlin, and not to let you escape on the way. These
+orders I will carry out; I hope you don't hold that against me."
+
+He assured me that he did not, and we had another drink on
+it--I made sure, again, that he got twice as much as I did--and
+then the coachman cracked his whip and we were off for Berlin.
+
+Now, I thought, I am going to see just what sort of a madman this
+is, and why Hartenstein is making a State affair out of a squabble
+at an inn. So I decided to explore his unrealistic beliefs about
+the state of affairs in Europe.
+
+After guiding the conversation to where I wanted it, I asked him:
+
+"What, _Herr_ Bathurst, in your belief, is the real, underlying
+cause of the present tragic situation in Europe?"
+
+That, I thought, was safe enough. Name me one year, since the
+days of Julius Caesar, when the situation in Europe hasn't been
+tragic! And it worked, to perfection.
+
+"In my belief," says this Englishman, "the whole mess is the
+result of the victory of the rebellious colonists in North
+America, and their blasted republic."
+
+Well, you can imagine, that gave me a start. All the world knows
+that the American Patriots lost their war for independence from
+England; that their army was shattered, that their leaders were
+either killed or driven into exile. How many times, when I was a
+little boy, did I not sit up long past my bedtime, when old
+Baron von Steuben was a guest at Tarlburg-Schloss, listening
+open-mouthed and wide-eyed to his stories of that gallant lost
+struggle! How I used to shiver at his tales of the terrible
+winter camp, or thrill at the battles, or weep as he told how he
+held the dying Washington in his arms, and listened to his noble
+last words, at the Battle of Doylestown! And here, this man was
+telling me that the Patriots had really won, and set up the
+republic for which they had fought! I had been prepared for some
+of what Hartenstein had called unrealistic beliefs, but nothing
+as fantastic as this.
+
+"I can cut it even finer than that," Bathurst continued. "It was
+the defeat of Burgoyne at Saratoga. We made a good bargain when
+we got Benedict Arnold to turn his coat, but we didn't do it soon
+enough. If he hadn't been on the field that day, Burgoyne would
+have gone through Gates' army like a hot knife through butter."
+
+But Arnold hadn't been at Saratoga. I know; I have read much of
+the American War. Arnold was shot dead on New Year's Day of 1776,
+during the storming of Quebec. And Burgoyne had done just as
+Bathurst had said; he had gone through Gates like a knife, and
+down the Hudson to join Howe.
+
+"But, _Herr_ Bathurst," I asked, "how could that affect the
+situation in Europe? America is thousands of miles away, across
+the ocean."
+
+"Ideas can cross oceans quicker than armies. When Louis XVI
+decided to come to the aid of the Americans, he doomed himself
+and his regime. A successful resistance to royal authority in
+America was all the French Republicans needed to inspire them. Of
+course, we have Louis's own weakness to blame, too. If he'd given
+those rascals a whiff of grapeshot, when the mob tried to storm
+Versailles in 1790, there'd have been no French Revolution."
+
+But he had. When Louis XVI ordered the howitzers turned on the
+mob at Versailles, and then sent the dragoons to ride down the
+survivors, the Republican movement had been broken. That had been
+when Cardinal Talleyrand, who was then merely Bishop of Autun,
+had came to the fore and become the power that he is today in
+France; the greatest King's Minister since Richelieu.
+
+"And, after that, Louis's death followed as surely as night after
+day," Bathurst was saying. "And because the French had no experience
+in self-government, their republic was foredoomed. If Bonaparte
+hadn't seized power, somebody else would have; when the French
+murdered their king, they delivered themselves to dictatorship.
+And a dictator, unsupported by the prestige of royalty, has no
+choice but to lead his people into foreign war, to keep them from
+turning upon him."
+
+It was like that all the way to Berlin. All these things seem
+foolish, by daylight, but as I sat in the darkness of that
+swaying coach, I was almost convinced of the reality of what he
+told me. I tell you, Uncle Eugen, it was frightening, as though
+he were giving me a view of Hell. _Gott im Himmel_, the things
+that man talked of! Armies swarming over Europe; sack and
+massacre, and cities burning; blockades, and starvation; kings
+deposed, and thrones tumbling like tenpins; battles in which the
+soldiers of every nation fought, and in which tens of thousands
+were mowed down like ripe grain; and, over all, the Satanic
+figure of a little man in a gray coat, who dictated peace to the
+Austrian Emperor in Schoenbrunn, and carried the Pope away a
+prisoner to Savona.
+
+Madman, eh? Unrealistic beliefs, says Hartenstein? Well, give
+me madmen who drool spittle, and foam at the mouth, and shriek
+obscene blasphemies. But not this pleasant-seeming gentleman who
+sat beside me and talked of horrors in a quiet, cultured voice,
+while he drank my cognac.
+
+But not all my cognac! If your man at the Ministry--the one
+with red hair and the bulldog face--tells you that I was drunk
+when I brought in that Englishman, you had better believe him!
+
+Rudi.
+
+
+
+(From Count von Berchtenwald, to the British Minister.)
+
+28 November, 1809
+
+Honored Sir:
+
+The accompanying dossier will acquaint you with the problem
+confronting this Chancellery, without needless repetition on my
+part. Please to understand that it is not, and never was, any
+part of the intentions of the government of His Majesty Friedrich
+Wilhelm III to offer any injury or indignity to the government of
+His Britannic Majesty George III. We would never contemplate
+holding in arrest the person, or tampering with the papers, of an
+accredited envoy of your government. However, we have the gravest
+doubt, to make a considerable understatement, that this person
+who calls himself Benjamin Bathurst is any such envoy, and we do
+not think that it would be any service to the government of His
+Britannic Majesty to allow an impostor to travel about Europe in
+the guise of a British diplomatic representative. We certainly
+should not thank the government of His Britannic Majesty for
+failing to take steps to deal with some person who, in England,
+might falsely represent himself to be a Prussian diplomat.
+
+This affair touches us as closely as it does your own government;
+this man had in his possession a letter of safe-conduct, which
+you will find in the accompanying dispatch case. It is of the
+regular form, as issued by this Chancellery, and is sealed with
+the Chancellery seal, or with a very exact counterfeit of it.
+However, it has been signed, as Chancellor of Prussia, with a
+signature indistinguishable from that of the Baron Stein, who is
+the present Prussian Minister of Agriculture. Baron Stein was
+shown the signature, with the rest of the letter covered, and
+without hesitation acknowledged it for his own writing. However,
+when the letter was uncovered and shown to him, his surprise and
+horror were such as would require the pen of a Goethe or a
+Schiller to describe, and he denied categorically ever having
+seen the document before.
+
+I have no choice but to believe him. It is impossible to think
+that a man of Baron Stein's honorable and serious character would
+be party to the fabrication of a paper of this sort. Even aside
+from this, I am in the thing as deeply as he; if it is signed
+with his signature, it is also sealed with my seal, which has not
+been out of my personal keeping in the ten years that I have been
+Chancellor here. In fact, the word "impossible" can be used to
+describe the entire business. It was impossible for the man
+Benjamin Bathurst to have entered the inn yard--yet he did. It
+was impossible that he should carry papers of the sort found in
+his dispatch case, or that such papers should exist--yet I am
+sending them to you with this letter. It is impossible that Baron
+von Stein should sign a paper of the sort he did, or that it
+should be sealed by the Chancellery--yet it bears both Stein's
+signature and my seal.
+
+You will also find in the dispatch case other credentials,
+ostensibly originating with the British Foreign Office, of the
+same character, being signed by persons having no connection with
+the Foreign Office, or even with the government, but being sealed
+with apparently authentic seals. If you send these papers to
+London, I fancy you will find that they will there create the same
+situation as that caused here by this letter of safe-conduct.
+
+I am also sending you a charcoal sketch of the person who calls
+himself Benjamin Bathurst. This portrait was taken without its
+subject's knowledge. Baron von Krutz's nephew, Lieutenant von
+Tarlburg, who is the son of our mutual friend Count von Tarlburg,
+has a little friend, a very clever young lady who is, as you will
+see, an expert at this sort of work: she was introduced into a
+room at the Ministry of Police and placed behind a screen, where
+she could sketch our prisoner's face. If you should send this
+picture to London, I think that there is a good chance that it
+might be recognized. I can vouch that it is an excellent likeness.
+
+To tell the truth, we are at our wits' end about this affair.
+I cannot understand how such excellent imitations of these
+various seals could be made, and the signature of the Baron von
+Stein is the most expert forgery that I have ever seen, in thirty
+years' experience as a statesman. This would indicate careful and
+painstaking work on the part of somebody; how, then, do we
+reconcile this with such clumsy mistakes, recognizable as such by
+any schoolboy, as signing the name of Baron Stein as Prussian
+Chancellor, or Mr. George Canning, who is a member of the
+opposition party and not connected with your government, as
+British Foreign secretary.
+
+[Illustration: 25 NOVEMBER 1808]
+
+These are mistakes which only a madman would make. There are those
+who think our prisoner is mad, because of his apparent delusions
+about the great conqueror, General Bonaparte, alias the Emperor
+Napoleon. Madmen have been known to fabricate evidence to support
+their delusions, it is true, but I shudder to think of a madman
+having at his disposal the resources to manufacture the papers you
+will find in this dispatch case. Moreover, some of our foremost
+medical men, who have specialized in the disorders of the mind,
+have interviewed this man Bathurst and say that, save for his
+fixed belief in a nonexistent situation, he is perfectly sane.
+
+Personally, I believe that the whole thing is a gigantic hoax,
+perpetrated for some hidden and sinister purpose, possibly to
+create confusion, and to undermine the confidence existing
+between your government and mine, and to set against one another
+various persons connected with both governments, or else as a
+mask for some other conspiratorial activity. Only a few months
+ago, you will recall, there was a Jacobin plot unmasked at Köln.
+
+But, whatever this business may portend, I do not like it. I
+want to get to the bottom of it as soon as possible, and I will
+thank you, my dear sir, and your government, for any assistance
+you may find possible.
+
+I have the honor, sir, to be, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera,
+
+Berchtenwald
+
+
+
+FROM BARON VON KRUTZ, TO THE COUNT VON BERCHTENWALD. MOST URGENT;
+MOST IMPORTANT. TO BE DELIVERED IMMEDIATELY AND IN PERSON
+REGARDLESS OF CIRCUMSTANCES.
+
+28 November, 1809
+
+Count von Berchtenwald:
+
+Within the past half hour, that is, at about eleven o'clock
+tonight, the man calling himself Benjamin Bathurst was shot and
+killed by a sentry at the Ministry of Police, while attempting to
+escape from custody.
+
+A sentry on duty in the rear courtyard of the Ministry observed
+a man attempting to leave the building in a suspicious and furtive
+manner. This sentry, who was under the strictest orders to allow
+no one to enter or leave without written authorization, challenged
+him; when he attempted to run, the sentry fired his musket at him,
+bringing him down. At the shot, the Sergeant of the Guard rushed
+into the courtyard with his detail, and the man whom the sentry
+had shot was found to be the Englishman, Benjamin Bathurst. He had
+been hit in the chest with an ounce ball, and died before the
+doctor could arrive, and without recovering consciousness.
+
+An investigation revealed that the prisoner, who was confined
+on the third floor of the building, had fashioned a rope from his
+bedding, his bed cord, and the leather strap of his bell pull.
+This rope was only long enough to reach to the window of the
+office on the second floor, directly below, but he managed to
+enter this by kicking the glass out of the window. I am trying to
+find out how he could do this without being heard. I can assure
+you that somebody is going to smart for this night's work. As for
+the sentry, he acted within his orders; I have commended him for
+doing his duty, and for good shooting, and I assume full
+responsibility for the death of the prisoner at his hands.
+
+I have no idea why the self-so-called Benjamin Bathurst, who,
+until now, was well-behaved and seemed to take his confinement
+philosophically, should suddenly make this rash and fatal attempt,
+unless it was because of those infernal dunderheads of madhouse
+doctors who have been bothering him. Only this afternoon they
+deliberately handed him a bundle of newspapers--Prussian, Austrian,
+French, and English--all dated within the last month. They wanted
+they said, to see how he would react. Well, God pardon them,
+they've found out!
+
+What do you think should be done about giving the body burial?
+
+Krutz
+
+
+
+(From the British Minister, to the Count von Berchtenwald.)
+
+December 20th, 1809
+
+My dear Count von Berchtenwald:
+
+Reply from London to my letter of the 28th, which accompanied the
+dispatch case and the other papers, has finally come to hand. The
+papers which you wanted returned--the copies of the statements
+taken at Perleburg, the letter to the Baron von Krutz from the
+police captain, Hartenstein, and the personal letter of Krutz's
+nephew, Lieutenant von Tarlburg, and the letter of safe-conduct
+found in the dispatch case--accompany herewith. I don't know what
+the people at Whitehall did with the other papers; tossed them
+into the nearest fire, for my guess. Were I in your place, that's
+where the papers I am returning would go.
+
+I have heard nothing, yet, from my dispatch of the 29th concerning
+the death of the man who called himself Benjamin Bathurst, but I
+doubt very much if any official notice will ever be taken of it.
+Your government had a perfect right to detain the fellow, and,
+that being the case, he attempted to escape at his own risk. After
+all, sentries are not required to carry loaded muskets in order to
+discourage them from putting their hands in their pockets.
+
+To hazard a purely unofficial opinion, I should not imagine that
+London is very much dissatisfied with this dénouement. His Majesty's
+government are a hard-headed and matter-of-fact set of gentry who do
+not relish mysteries, least of all mysteries whose solution may be
+more disturbing than the original problem.
+
+This is entirely confidential, but those papers which were in
+that dispatch case kicked up the devil's own row in London, with
+half the government bigwigs protesting their innocence to high
+Heaven, and the rest accusing one another of complicity in the
+hoax. If that was somebody's intention, it was literally a
+howling success. For a while, it was even feared that there would
+be questions in Parliament, but eventually, the whole vexatious
+business was hushed.
+
+You may tell Count Tarlburg's son that his little friend is a
+most talented young lady; her sketch was highly commended by no
+less an authority than Sir Thomas Lawrence, and here comes the
+most bedeviling part of a thoroughly bedeviled business. The
+picture was instantly recognized. It is a very fair likeness of
+Benjamin Bathurst, or, I should say, Sir Benjamin Bathurst, who
+is King's lieutenant governor for the Crown Colony of Georgia. As
+Sir Thomas Lawrence did his portrait a few years back, he is in
+an excellent position to criticize the work of Lieutenant von
+Tarlburg's young lady. However, Sir Benjamin Bathurst was known
+to have been in Savannah, attending to the duties of his office,
+and in the public eye, all the while that his double was in
+Prussia. Sir Benjamin does not have a twin brother. It has been
+suggested that this fellow might be a half-brother, but, as far
+as I know, there is no justification for this theory.
+
+The General Bonaparte, alias the Emperor Napoleon, who is given so
+much mention in the dispatches, seems also to have a counterpart
+in actual life; there is, in the French army, a Colonel of
+Artillery by that name, a Corsican who Gallicized his original
+name of Napolione Buonaparte. He is a most brilliant military
+theoretician; I am sure some of your own officers, like General
+Scharnhorst, could tell you about him. His loyalty to the French
+monarchy has never been questioned.
+
+This same correspondence to fact seems to crop up everywhere in
+that amazing collection of pseudo-dispatches and pseudo-State
+papers. The United States of America, you will recall, was the
+style by which the rebellious colonies referred to themselves, in
+the Declaration of Philadelphia. The James Madison who is
+mentioned as the current President of the United States is now
+living, in exile, in Switzerland. His alleged predecessor in
+office, Thomas Jefferson, was the author of the rebel Declaration;
+after the defeat of the rebels, he escaped to Havana, and died,
+several years ago, in the Principality of Lichtenstein.
+
+I was quite amused to find our old friend Cardinal
+Talleyrand--without the ecclesiastical title--cast in the role of
+chief adviser to the usurper, Bonaparte. His Eminence, I have
+always thought, is the sort of fellow who would land on his feet
+on top of any heap, and who would as little scruple to be Prime
+Minister to His Satanic Majesty as to His Most Christian Majesty.
+
+I was baffled, however, by one name, frequently mentioned in
+those fantastic papers. This was the English general, Wellington.
+I haven't the least idea who this person might be.
+
+I have the honor, your excellency, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera,
+
+Sir Arthur Wellesley
+
+
+THE END.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's He Walked Around the Horses, by Henry Beam Piper
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+      The Project Gutenberg eBook of He Walked Around the Horses, by H. Beam Piper
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+<pre>
+
+Project Gutenberg's He Walked Around the Horses, by Henry Beam Piper
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: He Walked Around the Horses
+
+Author: Henry Beam Piper
+
+Illustrator: Cartier
+
+Release Date: July 11, 2006 [EBook #18807]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HE WALKED AROUND THE HORSES ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Greg Weeks, William Woods and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<p class="tr">Transcriber's note: <br />
+  This etext was produced from <i>Astounding Science Fiction</i>, April 1948. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the copyright on this publication was renewed.</p>
+
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<div>
+<img src="images/horses_1.png" alt="Guard shoots man." width="600"/>
+</div>
+
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<h1>HE WALKED AROUND THE HORSES</h1>
+
+<h2>BY H. BEAM PIPER</h2>
+
+<p class="center">Illustrated by Cartier</p>
+
+<p><i>This tale is based on an authenticated,
+documented fact. A man vanished&mdash;right
+out of this world. And where he went&mdash;</i></p>
+
+
+<p><i>In November 1809, an Englishman
+named Benjamin Bathurst
+vanished, inexplicably and utterly.</i></p>
+
+<p><i>He was en route to Hamburg
+from Vienna, where he had been
+serving as his government's envoy
+to the court of what Napoleon had
+left of the Austrian Empire. At an
+inn in Perleburg, in Prussia, while
+examining a change of horses for
+his coach, he casually stepped out of
+sight of his secretary and his valet.
+He was not seen to leave the inn
+yard. He was not seen again, ever.</i></p>
+
+<p><i>At least, not in this continuum....</i></p>
+
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p class="left">(From Baron Eugen von Krutz,
+Minister of Police, to His Excellency
+the Count von Berchtenwald, Chancellor
+to His Majesty Friedrich
+Wilhelm III of Prussia.)</p>
+
+<p class="sig">25 November, 1809</p>
+
+<p class="left">Your Excellency:</p>
+
+<p>A circumstance has come to the
+notice of this Ministry, the significance
+of which I am at a loss to
+define, but, since it appears to involve
+matters of State, both here
+and abroad, I am convinced that it
+is of sufficient importance to be
+brought to your personal attention.
+Frankly, I am unwilling to take any
+further action in the matter without
+your advice.</p>
+
+<p>Briefly, the situation is this: We
+are holding, here at the Ministry
+of Police, a person giving his name
+as Benjamin Bathurst, who claims
+to be a British diplomat. This
+person was taken into custody by
+the police at Perleburg yesterday,
+as a result of a disturbance at an
+inn there; he is being detained on
+technical charges of causing disorder
+in a public place, and of being
+a suspicious person. When arrested,
+he had in his possession a
+dispatch case, containing a number
+of papers; these are of such an
+extraordinary nature that the local
+authorities declined to assume any
+responsibility beyond having the
+man sent here to Berlin.</p>
+
+<p>After interviewing this person
+and examining his papers, I am,
+I must confess, in much the same
+position. This is not, I am convinced,
+any ordinary police matter;
+there is something very strange and
+disturbing here. The man's statements,
+taken alone, are so incredible
+as to justify the assumption that he
+is mad. I cannot, however, adopt
+this theory, in view of his demeanor,
+which is that of a man of perfect
+rationality, and because of the
+existence of these papers. The
+whole thing is mad; incomprehensible!</p>
+
+<p>The papers in question accompany,
+along with copies of the
+various statements taken at Perleburg,
+a personal letter to me from
+my nephew, Lieutenant Rudolf
+von Tarlburg. This last is deserving
+of your particular attention;
+Lieutenant von Tarlburg is a very
+level-headed young officer, not at
+all inclined to be fanciful or imaginative.
+It would take a good deal to
+affect him as he describes.</p>
+
+<p>The man calling himself Benjamin
+Bathurst is now lodged in
+an apartment here at the Ministry;
+he is being treated with every consideration,
+and, except for freedom
+of movement, accorded every privilege.</p>
+
+<p>I am, most anxiously awaiting
+your advice, et cetera, et cetera,</p>
+
+<p class="sig">Krutz</p>
+
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p class="left">(Report of Traugott Zeller, <i>Oberwachtmeister,
+Staatspolizei</i>, made
+at Perleburg, 25 November, 1809.)</p>
+
+<p>At about ten minutes past two of
+the afternoon of Saturday, 25
+November, while I was at the police
+station, there entered a man known
+to me as Franz Bauer, an inn servant
+employed by Christian Hauck, at
+the sign of the Sword &amp; Scepter,
+here in Perleburg. This man Franz
+Bauer made complaint to <i>Staatspolizeikapitan</i>
+Ernst Hartenstein,
+saying that there was a madman
+making trouble at the inn where
+he, Franz Bauer, worked. I was,
+therefore, directed, by <i>Staatspolizeikapitan</i>
+Hartenstein, to go to the
+Sword &amp; Scepter Inn, there to act
+at discretion to maintain the peace.</p>
+
+<p>Arriving at the inn in company
+with the said Franz Bauer, I found
+a considerable crowd of people in
+the common room, and, in the midst
+of them, the innkeeper, Christian
+Hauck, in altercation with a stranger.
+This stranger was a gentlemanly-appearing
+person, dressed in
+traveling clothes, who had under
+his arm a small leather dispatch
+case. As I entered, I could hear
+him, speaking in German with a
+strong English accent, abusing the
+innkeeper, the said Christian Hauck,
+and accusing him of having drugged
+his, the stranger's, wine, and of
+having stolen his, the stranger's,
+coach-and-four, and of having abducted
+his, the stranger's, secretary
+and servants. This the said Christian
+Hauck was loudly denying, and
+the other people in the inn were
+taking the innkeeper's part, and
+mocking the stranger for a madman.</p>
+
+<p>On entering, I commanded everyone
+to be silent, in the king's name,
+and then, as he appeared to be the
+complaining party of the dispute, I
+required the foreign gentleman to
+state to me what was the trouble.
+He then repeated his accusations
+against the innkeeper, Hauck, saying
+that Hauck, or, rather, another
+man who resembled Hauck and who
+had claimed to be the innkeeper,
+had drugged his wine and stolen
+his coach and made off with his
+secretary and his servants. At this
+point, the innkeeper and the bystanders
+all began shouting denials
+and contradictions, so that I had
+to pound on a table with my truncheon
+to command silence.</p>
+
+<p>I then required the innkeeper,
+Christian Hauck, to answer the
+charges which the stranger had
+made; this he did with a complete
+denial of all of them, saying that
+the stranger had had no wine in his
+inn, and that he had not been inside
+the inn until a few minutes before,
+when he had burst in shouting accusations,
+and that there had been
+no secretary, and no valet, and no
+coachman, and no coach-and-four,
+at the inn, and that the gentleman
+was raving mad. To all this, he
+called the people who were in the
+common room to witness.</p>
+
+<p>I then required the stranger to
+account for himself. He said that
+his name was Benjamin Bathurst,
+and that he was a British diplomat,
+returning to England from Vienna.
+To prove this, he produced from
+his dispatch case sundry papers.
+One of these was a letter of safe-conduct,
+issued by the Prussian
+Chancellery, in which he was named
+and described as Benjamin Bathurst.
+The other papers were English,
+all bearing seals, and appearing
+to be official documents.</p>
+
+<p>Accordingly, I requested him to
+accompany me to the police station,
+and also the innkeeper, and three
+men whom the innkeeper wanted
+to bring as witnesses.</p>
+
+<p class="sig">
+Traugott Zeller<br/>
+<i>Oberwachtmeister</i></p>
+
+<p>Report approved,</p>
+
+<p class="sig">
+Ernst Hartenstein<br/>
+<i>Staatspolizeikapitan</i></p>
+
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p class="left">(Statement of the self-so-called
+Benjamin Bathurst, taken at the
+police station at Perleburg, 25
+November, 1809.)</p>
+
+<p>My name is Benjamin Bathurst,
+and I am Envoy Extraordinary and
+Minister Plenipotentiary of the
+government of His Britannic Majesty
+to the court of His Majesty
+Franz I, Emperor of Austria, or,
+at least, I was until the events following
+the Austrian surrender made
+necessary my return to London. I
+left Vienna on the morning of Monday,
+the 20th, to go to Hamburg
+to take ship home; I was traveling
+in my own coach-and-four, with
+my secretary, Mr. Bertram Jardine,
+and my valet, William Small, both
+British subjects, and a coachman,
+Josef Bidek, an Austrian subject,
+whom I had hired for the trip. Because
+of the presence of French
+troops, whom I was anxious to
+avoid, I was forced to make a
+detour west as far as Salzburg before
+turning north toward Magdeburg,
+where I crossed the Elbe. I
+was unable to get a change of horses
+for my coach after leaving Gera,
+until I reached Perleburg, where I
+stopped at the Sword &amp; Scepter
+Inn.</p>
+
+<p>Arriving there, I left my coach
+in the inn yard, and I and my secretary,
+Mr. Jardine, went into the inn.
+A man, not this fellow here, but
+another rogue, with more beard and
+less paunch, and more shabbily
+dressed, but as like him as though
+he were his brother, represented
+himself as the innkeeper, and I dealt
+with him for a change of horses,
+and ordered a bottle of wine for
+myself and my secretary, and also
+a pot of beer apiece for my valet
+and the coachman, to be taken outside
+to them. Then Jardine and I
+sat down to our wine, at a table in
+the common room, until the man
+who claimed to be the innkeeper
+came back and told us that the
+fresh horses were harnessed to the
+coach and ready to go. Then we
+went outside again.</p>
+
+<p>I looked at the two horses on the
+off side, and then walked around
+in front of the team to look at the
+two nigh-side horses, and as I did
+I felt giddy, as though I were about
+to fall, and everything went black
+before my eyes. I thought I was
+having a fainting spell, something
+I am not at all subject to, and I put
+out my hand to grasp the hitching
+bar, but could not find it. I am
+sure, now, that I was unconscious
+for some time, because when my
+head cleared, the coach and horses
+were gone, and in their place was
+a big farm wagon, jacked up in
+front, with the right front wheel
+off, and two peasants were greasing
+the detached wheel.</p>
+
+<p>I looked at them for a moment,
+unable to credit my eyes, and then
+I spoke to them in German, saying,
+"Where the devil's my coach-and-four?"</p>
+
+<p>They both straightened, startled:
+the one who was holding the wheel
+almost dropped it.</p>
+
+<p>"Pardon, excellency," he said,
+"there's been no coach-and-four
+here, all the time we've been here."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," said his mate, "and we've
+been here since just after noon."</p>
+
+<p>I did not attempt to argue with
+them. It occurred to me&mdash;and it
+is still my opinion&mdash;that I was the
+victim of some plot; that my wine
+had been drugged, that I had been
+unconscious for some time, during
+which my coach had been removed
+and this wagon substituted for it,
+and that these peasants had been
+put to work on it and instructed
+what to say if questioned. If my
+arrival at the inn had been anticipated,
+and everything put in readiness,
+the whole business would not
+have taken ten minutes.</p>
+
+<p>I therefore entered the inn, determined
+to have it out with this
+rascally innkeeper, but when I returned
+to the common room, he was
+nowhere to be seen, and this other
+fellow, who has given his name as
+Christian Hauck, claimed to be the
+innkeeper and denied knowledge of
+any of the things I have just stated.
+Furthermore, there were four cavalrymen,
+Uhlans, drinking beer and
+playing cards at the table where
+Jardine and I had had our wine,
+and they claimed to have been there
+for several hours.</p>
+
+<p>I have no idea why such an elaborate
+prank, involving the participation
+of many people, should be
+played on me, except at the instigation
+of the French. In that case,
+I cannot understand why Prussian
+soldiers should lend themselves to
+it.</p>
+
+<p class="sig">Benjamin Bathurst</p>
+
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p class="left">(Statement of Christian Hauck,
+innkeeper, taken at the police station
+at Perleburg, 25 November, 1809.)</p>
+
+<p>May it please your honor, my
+name is Christian Hauck, and I
+keep an inn at the sign of the Sword
+&amp; Scepter, and have these past fifteen
+years, and my father, and his
+father, before me, for the past fifty
+years, and never has there been a
+complaint like this against my inn.
+Your honor, it is a hard thing for
+a man who keeps a decent house,
+and pays his taxes, and obeys the
+laws, to be accused of crimes of this
+sort.</p>
+
+<p>I know nothing of this gentleman,
+nor of his coach, nor his secretary,
+nor his servants; I never set eyes
+on him before he came bursting into
+the inn from the yard, shouting and
+raving like a madman, and crying
+out, "Where the devil's that rogue
+of an innkeeper?"</p>
+
+<p>I said to him, "I am the innkeeper;
+what cause have you to call
+me a rogue, sir?"</p>
+
+<p>The stranger replied:</p>
+
+<p>"You're not the innkeeper I did
+business with a few minutes ago,
+and he's the rascal I want to see.
+I want to know what the devil's
+been done with my coach, and what's
+happened to my secretary and my
+servants."</p>
+
+<p>I tried to tell him that I knew
+nothing of what he was talking
+about, but he would not listen, and
+gave me the lie, saying that he had
+been drugged and robbed, and his
+people kidnaped. He even had the
+impudence to claim that he and his
+secretary had been sitting at a table
+in that room, drinking wine, not
+fifteen minutes before, when there
+had been four noncommissioned
+officers of the Third Uhlans at that
+table since noon. Everybody in the
+room spoke up for me, but he would
+not listen, and was shouting that we
+were all robbers, and kidnapers, and
+French spies, and I don't know
+what all, when the police came.</p>
+
+<p>Your honor, the man is mad.
+What I have told you about this is
+the truth, and all that I know about
+this business, so help me God.</p>
+
+<p class="sig">Christian Hauck</p>
+
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p class="left">(Statement of Franz Bauer, inn
+servant, taken at the police station
+at Perleburg, 25 November, 1809.)</p>
+
+<p>May it please your honor, my
+name is Franz Bauer, and I am a
+servant at the Sword &amp; Scepter
+Inn, kept by Christian Hauck.</p>
+
+<p>This afternoon, when I went into
+the inn yard to empty a bucket of
+slops on the dung heap by the
+stables, I heard voices and turned
+around, to see this gentleman speaking
+to Wilhelm Beick and Fritz
+Herzer, who were greasing their
+wagon in the yard. He had not
+been in the yard when I had turned
+away to empty the bucket, and I
+thought that he must have come in
+from the street. This gentleman
+was asking Beick and Herzer where
+was his coach, and when they told
+him they didn't know, he turned and
+ran into the inn.</p>
+
+<p>Of my own knowledge, the man
+had not been inside the inn before
+then, nor had there been any coach,
+or any of the people he spoke of,
+at the inn, and none of the things
+he spoke of happened there, for
+otherwise I would know, since I
+was at the inn all day.</p>
+
+<p>When I went back inside, I
+found him in the common room
+shouting at my master, and claiming
+that he had been drugged and
+robbed. I saw that he was mad
+and was afraid that he would do
+some mischief, so I went for the
+police.</p>
+
+<p class="sig">
+Franz Bauer<br/>
+his (x) mark</p>
+
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p class="left">(Statements of Wilhelm Beick and
+Fritz Herzer, peasants, taken at the
+police station at Perleburg, 25
+November, 1809.)</p>
+
+<p>May it please your honor, my
+name is Wilhelm Beick, and I am
+a tenant on the estate of the Baron
+von Hentig. On this day, I and
+Fritz Herzer were sent into Perleburg
+with a load of potatoes and
+cabbages which the innkeeper at
+the Sword &amp; Scepter had bought
+from the estate superintendent.
+After we had unloaded them, we
+decided to grease our wagon, which
+was very dry, before going back,
+so we unhitched and began working
+on it. We took about two hours,
+starting just after we had eaten
+lunch, and in all that time, there
+was no coach-and-four in the inn
+yard. We were just finishing when
+this gentleman spoke to us, demanding
+to know where his coach was.
+We told him that there had been no
+coach in the yard all the time we
+had been there, so he turned around
+and ran into the inn. At the time,
+I thought that he had come out of
+the inn before speaking to us, for
+I know that he could not have come
+in from the street. Now I do not
+know where he came from, but I
+know that I never saw him before
+that moment.</p>
+
+<p class="sig">
+Wilhelm Beick<br/>
+his (x) mark</p>
+
+<p>I have heard the above testimony,
+and it is true to my own knowledge,
+and I have nothing to add to it.</p>
+
+<p class="sig">
+Fritz Herzer<br/>
+his (x) mark</p>
+
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p class="left">(From <i>Staatspolizeikapitan</i> Ernst
+Hartenstein, to His Excellency, the
+Baron von Krutz, Minister of
+Police.)</p>
+
+<p class="sig">25 November, 1809</p>
+
+<p class="left">Your Excellency:</p>
+
+<p>The accompanying copies of
+statements taken this day will explain
+how the prisoner, the self-so-called
+Benjamin Bathurst, came into
+my custody. I have charged him
+with causing disorder and being a
+suspicious person, to hold him until
+more can be learned about him.
+However, as he represents himself
+to be a British diplomat, I am unwilling
+to assume any further
+responsibility, and am having him
+sent to your excellency, in Berlin.</p>
+
+<p>In the first place, your excellency,
+I have the strongest doubts of the
+man's story. The statement which
+he made before me, and signed, is
+bad enough, with a coach-and-four
+turning into a farm wagon, like
+Cinderella's coach into a pumpkin,
+and three people vanishing as though
+swallowed by the earth. But all
+this is perfectly reasonable and credible,
+beside the things he said to me,
+of which no record was made.</p>
+
+<p>Your excellency will have noticed,
+in his statement, certain allusions
+to the Austrian surrender,
+and to French troops in Austria.
+After his statement had been taken
+down, I noticed these allusions, and
+I inquired, what surrender, and
+what were French troops doing in
+Austria. The man looked at me in
+a pitying manner, and said:</p>
+
+<p>"News seems to travel slowly,
+hereabouts; peace was concluded at
+Vienna on the 14th of last month.
+And as for what French troops are
+doing in Austria, they're doing the
+same things Bonaparte's brigands
+are doing everywhere in Europe."</p>
+
+<p>"And who is Bonaparte?" I
+asked.</p>
+
+<p>He stared at me as though I had
+asked him, "Who is the Lord Jehovah?"
+Then, after a moment, a
+look of comprehension came into
+his face.</p>
+
+<p>"So, you Prussians concede him
+the title of Emperor, and refer to
+him as Napoleon," he said. "Well,
+I can assure you that His Britannic
+Majesty's government haven't done
+so, and never will; not so long as
+one Englishman has a finger left
+to pull a trigger. General Bonaparte
+is a usurper; His Britannic
+Majesty's government do not recognize
+any sovereignty in France
+except the House of Bourbon."
+This he said very sternly, as though
+rebuking me.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft">
+<img src="images/horses_2.png" alt="Bathurst with lead horses." width="300" />
+</div>
+
+<p>It took me a moment or so to
+digest that, and to appreciate all
+its implications. Why, this fellow
+evidently believed, as a matter of
+fact, that the French Monarchy had
+been overthrown by some military
+adventurer named Bonaparte, who
+was calling himself the Emperor
+Napoleon, and who had made war
+on Austria and forced a surrender.
+I made no attempt to argue with
+him&mdash;one wastes time arguing with
+madmen&mdash;but if this man could
+believe that, the transformation of
+a coach-and-four into a cabbage
+wagon was a small matter indeed.
+So, to humor him, I asked him if he
+thought General Bonaparte's agents
+were responsible for his trouble at
+the inn.</p>
+
+<p>"Certainly," he replied. "The
+chances are they didn't know me to
+see me, and took Jardine for the
+minister, and me for the secretary,
+so they made off with poor Jardine.
+I wonder, though, that they left me
+my dispatch case. And that reminds
+me; I'll want that back.
+Diplomatic papers, you know."</p>
+
+<p>I told him, very seriously, that
+we would have to check his credentials.
+I promised him I would make
+every effort to locate his secretary
+and his servants and his coach, took
+a complete description of all of
+them, and persuaded him to go
+into an upstairs room, where I kept
+him under guard. I did start inquiries,
+calling in all my informers
+and spies, but, as I expected, I could
+learn nothing. I could not find anybody,
+even, who had seen him anywhere
+in Perleburg before he
+appeared at the Sword &amp; Scepter,
+and that rather surprised me, as
+somebody should have seen him
+enter the town, or walk along the
+street.</p>
+
+<p>In this connection, let me remind
+your excellency of the discrepancy
+in the statements of the servant,
+Franz Bauer, and of the two peasants.
+The former is certain the
+man entered the inn yard from the
+street; the latter are just as positive
+that he did not. Your excellency,
+I do not like such puzzles, for I am
+sure that all three were telling the
+truth to the best of their knowledge.
+They are ignorant common folk, I
+admit, but they should know what
+they did or did not see.</p>
+
+<p>After I got the prisoner into safekeeping,
+I fell to examining his
+papers, and I can assure your excellency
+that they gave me a shock.
+I had paid little heed to his ravings
+about the King of France being
+dethroned, or about this General
+Bonaparte who called himself the
+Emperor Napoleon, but I found all
+these things mentioned in his papers
+and dispatches, which had every
+appearance of being official documents.
+There was repeated mention
+of the taking, by the French, of
+Vienna, last May, and of the capitulation
+of the Austrian Emperor to
+this General Bonaparte, and of
+battles being fought all over Europe,
+and I don't know what other fantastic
+things. Your excellency, I
+have heard of all sorts of madmen&mdash;one
+believing himself to be the
+Archangel Gabriel, or Mohammed,
+or a werewolf, and another convinced
+that his bones are made of
+glass, or that he is pursued and
+tormented by devils&mdash;but so help
+me God, this is the first time I have
+heard of a madman who had documentary
+proof for his delusions!
+Does your excellency wonder, then,
+that I want no part of this business?</p>
+
+<p>But the matter of his credentials
+was even worse. He had papers,
+sealed with the seal of the British
+Foreign Office, and to every appearance
+genuine&mdash;but they were
+signed, as Foreign Minister, by one
+George Canning, and all the world
+knows that Lord Castlereagh has
+been Foreign Minister these last
+five years. And to cap it all, he had
+a safe-conduct, sealed with the seal
+of the Prussian Chancellery&mdash;the
+very seal, for I compared it, under
+a strong magnifying glass, with one
+that I knew to be genuine, and they
+were identical!&mdash;and yet, this letter
+was signed, as Chancellor, not by
+Count von Berchtenwald, but by
+Baron Stein, the Minister of Agriculture,
+and the signature, as far
+as I could see, appeared to be genuine!
+This is too much for me, your
+excellency; I must ask to be excused
+from dealing with this matter,
+before I become as mad as my
+prisoner!</p>
+
+<p>I made arrangements, accordingly,
+with Colonel Keitel, of the
+Third Uhlans, to furnish an officer
+to escort this man into Berlin. The
+coach in which they come belongs
+to this police station, and the driver
+is one of my men. He should be
+furnished expense money to get back
+to Perleburg. The guard is a corporal
+of Uhlans, the orderly of the
+officer. He will stay with the <i>Herr
+Oberleutnant</i>, and both of them will
+return here at their own convenience
+and expense.</p>
+
+<p>I have the honor, your excellency,
+to be, et cetera, et cetera.</p>
+
+<p class="sig">
+Ernst Hartenstein<br/>
+<i>Staatspolizeikapitan</i></p>
+
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p class="left">(From <i>Oberleutnant</i> Rudolf von
+Tarlburg, to Baron Eugen von
+Krutz.)</p>
+
+<p class="sig">26 November, 1809</p>
+
+<p class="left">Dear Uncle Eugen;</p>
+
+<p>This is in no sense a formal report;
+I made that at the Ministry,
+when I turned the Englishman and
+his papers over to one of your
+officers&mdash;a fellow with red hair and
+a face like a bulldog. But there
+are a few things which you should
+be told, which wouldn't look well
+in an official report, to let you know
+just what sort of a rare fish has
+got into your net.</p>
+
+<p>I had just come in from drilling
+my platoon, yesterday, when Colonel
+Keitel's orderly told me that the
+colonel wanted to see me in his
+quarters. I found the old fellow
+in undress in his sitting room, smoking
+his big pipe.</p>
+
+<p>"Come in, lieutenant; come in and
+sit down, my boy!" he greeted me,
+in that bluff, hearty manner which
+he always adopts with his junior
+officers when he has some particularly
+nasty job to be done. "How
+would you like to take a little trip
+in to Berlin? I have an errand,
+which won't take half an hour, and
+you can stay as long as you like,
+just so you're back by Thursday,
+when your turn comes up for road
+patrol."</p>
+
+<p>Well, I thought, this is the bait.
+I waited to see what the hook would
+look like, saying that it was entirely
+agreeable with me, and asking what
+his errand was.</p>
+
+<p>"Well, it isn't for myself, Tarlburg,"
+he said. "It's for this fellow
+Hartenstein, the <i>Staatspolizeikapitan</i>
+here. He has something he wants
+done at the Ministry of Police, and
+I thought of you because I've heard
+you're related to the Baron von
+Krutz. You are, aren't you?" he
+asked, just as though he didn't know
+all about who all his officers are
+related to.</p>
+
+<p>"That's right, colonel; the baron
+is my uncle," I said. "What does
+Hartenstein want done?"</p>
+
+<p>"Why, he has a prisoner whom he
+wants taken to Berlin and turned
+over at the Ministry. All you have
+to do is to take him in, in a coach,
+and see he doesn't escape on the
+way, and get a receipt for him, and
+for some papers. This is a very
+important prisoner; I don't think
+Hartenstein has anybody he can
+trust to handle him. The prisoner
+claims to be some sort of a British
+diplomat, and for all Hartenstein
+knows, maybe he is. Also, he is a
+madman."</p>
+
+<p>"A madman?" I echoed.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, just so. At least, that's
+what Hartenstein told me. I wanted
+to know what sort of a madman&mdash;there
+are various kinds of madmen,
+all of whom must be handled differently&mdash;but
+all Hartenstein would
+tell me was that he had unrealistic
+beliefs about the state of affairs in
+Europe."</p>
+
+<p>"Ha! What diplomat hasn't?"
+I asked.</p>
+
+<p>Old Keitel gave a laugh, somewhere
+between the bark of a dog
+and the croaking of a raven.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, exactly! The unrealistic
+beliefs of diplomats are what soldiers
+die of," he said. "I said as
+much to Hartenstein, but he
+wouldn't tell me anything more. He
+seemed to regret having said even
+that much. He looked like a man
+who's seen a particularly terrifying
+ghost." The old man puffed hard
+at his famous pipe for a while, blowing
+smoke through his mustache.
+"Rudi, Hartenstein has pulled a hot
+potato out of the ashes, this time,
+and he wants to toss it to your
+uncle, before he burns his fingers.
+I think that's one reason why he
+got me to furnish an escort for his
+Englishman. Now, look; you must
+take this unrealistic diplomat, or
+this undiplomatic madman, or whatever
+in blazes he is, in to Berlin.
+And understand this." He pointed
+his pipe at me as though it were a
+pistol. "Your orders are to take
+him there and turn him over at
+the Ministry of Police. Nothing
+has been said about whether you
+turn him over alive, or dead, or
+half one and half the other. I know
+nothing about this business, and
+want to know nothing; if Hartenstein
+wants us to play gaol warders
+for him, then he must be satisfied
+with our way of doing it!"</p>
+
+<p>Well, to cut short the story, I
+looked at the coach Hartenstein had
+placed at my disposal, and I decided
+to chain the left door shut on the
+outside, so that it couldn't be opened
+from within. Then, I would put
+my prisoner on my left, so that the
+only way out would be past me.
+I decided not to carry any weapons
+which he might be able to snatch
+from me, so I took off my saber
+and locked it in the seat box, along
+with the dispatch case containing
+the Englishman's papers. It was
+cold enough to wear a greatcoat in
+comfort, so I wore mine, and in the
+right side pocket, where my prisoner
+couldn't reach, I put a little leaded
+bludgeon, and also a brace of pocket
+pistols. Hartenstein was going to
+furnish me a guard as well as a
+driver, but I said that I would take
+a servant, who could act as guard.
+The servant, of course, was my
+orderly, old Johann; I gave him my
+double hunting gun to carry, with a
+big charge of boar shot in one barrel
+and an ounce ball in the other.</p>
+
+<p>In addition, I armed myself with
+a big bottle of cognac. I thought
+that if I could shoot my prisoner
+often enough with that, he would
+give me no trouble.</p>
+
+<p>As it happened, he didn't, and
+none of my precautions&mdash;except the
+cognac&mdash;were needed. The man
+didn't look like a lunatic to me. He
+was a rather stout gentleman, of past
+middle age, with a ruddy complexion
+and an intelligent face. The only
+unusual thing about him was his
+hat, which was a peculiar contraption,
+looking like a pot. I put him
+in the carriage, and then offered
+him a drink out of my bottle, taking
+one about half as big myself. He
+smacked his lips over it and said,
+"Well, that's real brandy; whatever
+we think of their detestable politics,
+we can't criticize the French for
+their liquor." Then, he said, "I'm
+glad they're sending me in the
+custody of a military gentleman, instead
+of a confounded gendarme.
+Tell me the truth, lieutenant; am I
+under arrest for anything?"</p>
+
+<p>"Why," I said, "Captain Hartenstein
+should have told you about
+that. All I know is that I have orders
+to take you to the Ministry of
+Police, in Berlin, and not to let you
+escape on the way. These orders I
+will carry out; I hope you don't
+hold that against me."</p>
+
+<p>He assured me that he did not,
+and we had another drink on it&mdash;I
+made sure, again, that he got twice
+as much as I did&mdash;and then the
+coachman cracked his whip and we
+were off for Berlin.</p>
+
+<p>Now, I thought, I am going to
+see just what sort of a madman this
+is, and why Hartenstein is making
+a State affair out of a squabble at
+an inn. So I decided to explore
+his unrealistic beliefs about the
+state of affairs in Europe.</p>
+
+<p>After guiding the conversation to
+where I wanted it, I asked him:</p>
+
+<p>"What, <i>Herr</i> Bathurst, in your
+belief, is the real, underlying cause
+of the present tragic situation in
+Europe?"</p>
+
+<p>That, I thought, was safe enough.
+Name me one year, since the days
+of Julius Caesar, when the situation
+in Europe hasn't been tragic! And
+it worked, to perfection.</p>
+
+<p>"In my belief," says this Englishman,
+"the whole mess is the result
+of the victory of the rebellious colonists
+in North America, and their
+blasted republic."</p>
+
+<p>Well, you can imagine, that gave
+me a start. All the world knows
+that the American Patriots lost their
+war for independence from England;
+that their army was shattered,
+that their leaders were either killed
+or driven into exile. How many
+times, when I was a little boy, did
+I not sit up long past my bedtime,
+when old Baron von Steuben was a
+guest at Tarlburg-Schloss, listening
+open-mouthed and wide-eyed to his
+stories of that gallant lost struggle!
+How I used to shiver at his tales
+of the terrible winter camp, or thrill
+at the battles, or weep as he told
+how he held the dying Washington
+in his arms, and listened to his
+noble last words, at the Battle of
+Doylestown! And here, this man
+was telling me that the Patriots had
+really won, and set up the republic
+for which they had fought! I had
+been prepared for some of what
+Hartenstein had called unrealistic
+beliefs, but nothing as fantastic as
+this.</p>
+
+<p>"I can cut it even finer than that,"
+Bathurst continued. "It was the
+defeat of Burgoyne at Saratoga.
+We made a good bargain when we
+got Benedict Arnold to turn his
+coat, but we didn't do it soon
+enough. If he hadn't been on the
+field that day, Burgoyne would have
+gone through Gates' army like a
+hot knife through butter."</p>
+
+<p>But Arnold hadn't been at Saratoga.
+I know; I have read much of
+the American War. Arnold was
+shot dead on New Year's Day of
+1776, during the storming of Quebec.
+And Burgoyne had done just
+as Bathurst had said; he had gone
+through Gates like a knife, and down
+the Hudson to join Howe.</p>
+
+<p>"But, <i>Herr</i> Bathurst," I asked,
+"how could that affect the situation
+in Europe? America is thousands
+of miles away, across the ocean."</p>
+
+<p>"Ideas can cross oceans quicker
+than armies. When Louis XVI decided
+to come to the aid of the
+Americans, he doomed himself and
+his regime. A successful resistance
+to royal authority in America was
+all the French Republicans needed
+to inspire them. Of course, we
+have Louis's own weakness to blame,
+too. If he'd given those rascals a
+whiff of grapeshot, when the mob
+tried to storm Versailles in 1790,
+there'd have been no French Revolution."</p>
+
+<p>But he had. When Louis XVI
+ordered the howitzers turned on
+the mob at Versailles, and then sent
+the dragoons to ride down the survivors,
+the Republican movement
+had been broken. That had been
+when Cardinal Talleyrand, who was
+then merely Bishop of Autun, had
+came to the fore and become the
+power that he is today in France;
+the greatest King's Minister since
+Richelieu.</p>
+
+<p>"And, after that, Louis's death
+followed as surely as night after
+day," Bathurst was saying. "And
+because the French had no experience
+in self-government, their
+republic was foredoomed. If Bonaparte
+hadn't seized power, somebody
+else would have; when the
+French murdered their king, they
+delivered themselves to dictatorship.
+And a dictator, unsupported by the
+prestige of royalty, has no choice
+but to lead his people into foreign
+war, to keep them from turning
+upon him."</p>
+
+<p>It was like that all the way to
+Berlin. All these things seem foolish,
+by daylight, but as I sat in the
+darkness of that swaying coach, I
+was almost convinced of the reality
+of what he told me. I tell you,
+Uncle Eugen, it was frightening,
+as though he were giving me a view
+of Hell. <i>Gott im Himmel</i>, the things
+that man talked of! Armies swarming
+over Europe; sack and massacre,
+and cities burning; blockades,
+and starvation; kings deposed, and
+thrones tumbling like tenpins;
+battles in which the soldiers of
+every nation fought, and in which
+tens of thousands were mowed
+down like ripe grain; and, over all,
+the Satanic figure of a little man
+in a gray coat, who dictated peace
+to the Austrian Emperor in Schoenbrunn,
+and carried the Pope away
+a prisoner to Savona.</p>
+
+<p>Madman, eh? Unrealistic beliefs,
+says Hartenstein? Well, give me
+madmen who drool spittle, and foam
+at the mouth, and shriek obscene
+blasphemies. But not this pleasant-seeming
+gentleman who sat beside
+me and talked of horrors in a quiet,
+cultured voice, while he drank my
+cognac.</p>
+
+<p>But not all my cognac! If your
+man at the Ministry&mdash;the one with
+red hair and the bulldog face&mdash;tells
+you that I was drunk when I
+brought in that Englishman, you
+had better believe him!</p>
+
+<p class="sig">Rudi.</p>
+
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p class="left">(From Count von Berchtenwald,
+to the British Minister.)</p>
+
+<p class="sig">28 November, 1809</p>
+
+<p class="left">Honored Sir:</p>
+
+<p>The accompanying dossier will
+acquaint you with the problem confronting
+this Chancellery, without
+needless repetition on my part.
+Please to understand that it is not,
+and never was, any part of the
+intentions of the government of His
+Majesty Friedrich Wilhelm III to
+offer any injury or indignity to the
+government of His Britannic Majesty
+George III. We would never
+contemplate holding in arrest the
+person, or tampering with the papers,
+of an accredited envoy of your
+government. However, we have the
+gravest doubt, to make a considerable
+understatement, that this person
+who calls himself Benjamin Bathurst
+is any such envoy, and we do
+not think that it would be any
+service to the government of His
+Britannic Majesty to allow an impostor
+to travel about Europe in the
+guise of a British diplomatic representative.
+We certainly should
+not thank the government of His
+Britannic Majesty for failing to
+take steps to deal with some person
+who, in England, might falsely
+represent himself to be a Prussian
+diplomat.</p>
+
+<p>This affair touches us as closely
+as it does your own government;
+this man had in his possession a
+letter of safe-conduct, which you will
+find in the accompanying dispatch
+case. It is of the regular form, as
+issued by this Chancellery, and is
+sealed with the Chancellery seal, or
+with a very exact counterfeit of it.
+However, it has been signed, as
+Chancellor of Prussia, with a signature
+indistinguishable from that of
+the Baron Stein, who is the present
+Prussian Minister of Agriculture.
+Baron Stein was shown the signature,
+with the rest of the letter
+covered, and without hesitation acknowledged
+it for his own writing.
+However, when the letter was uncovered
+and shown to him, his
+surprise and horror were such as
+would require the pen of a Goethe
+or a Schiller to describe, and he
+denied categorically ever having
+seen the document before.</p>
+
+<p>I have no choice but to believe
+him. It is impossible to think that
+a man of Baron Stein's honorable
+and serious character would be party
+to the fabrication of a paper of
+this sort. Even aside from this, I
+am in the thing as deeply as he; if
+it is signed with his signature, it is
+also sealed with my seal, which has
+not been out of my personal keeping
+in the ten years that I have been
+Chancellor here. In fact, the word
+"impossible" can be used to describe
+the entire business. It was impossible
+for the man Benjamin
+Bathurst to have entered the inn
+yard&mdash;yet he did. It was impossible
+that he should carry papers of the
+sort found in his dispatch case, or
+that such papers should exist&mdash;yet
+I am sending them to you with this
+letter. It is impossible that Baron
+von Stein should sign a paper of
+the sort he did, or that it should
+be sealed by the Chancellery&mdash;yet
+it bears both Stein's signature and
+my seal.</p>
+
+<p>You will also find in the dispatch
+case other credentials, ostensibly
+originating with the British Foreign
+Office, of the same character, being
+signed by persons having no connection
+with the Foreign Office, or
+even with the government, but being
+sealed with apparently authentic
+seals. If you send these papers to
+London, I fancy you will find that
+they will there create the same
+situation as that caused here by
+this letter of safe-conduct.</p>
+
+<p>I am also sending you a charcoal
+sketch of the person who calls himself
+Benjamin Bathurst. This portrait
+was taken without its subject's
+knowledge. Baron von Krutz's
+nephew, Lieutenant von Tarlburg,
+who is the son of our mutual friend
+Count von Tarlburg, has a little
+friend, a very clever young lady who
+is, as you will see, an expert at this
+sort of work: she was introduced
+into a room at the Ministry of Police
+and placed behind a screen,
+where she could sketch our prisoner's
+face. If you should send
+this picture to London, I think that
+there is a good chance that it might
+be recognized. I can vouch that it
+is an excellent likeness.</p>
+
+<p>To tell the truth, we are at our
+wits' end about this affair. I cannot
+understand how such excellent
+imitations of these various seals
+could be made, and the signature
+of the Baron von Stein is the most
+expert forgery that I have ever
+seen, in thirty years' experience as
+a statesman. This would indicate
+careful and painstaking work on the
+part of somebody; how, then, do we
+reconcile this with such clumsy mistakes, recognizable as such by
+any schoolboy, as signing the name of Baron Stein as Prussian Chancellor,
+or Mr. George Canning, who is a member of the opposition party
+and not connected with your government,
+as British Foreign secretary.</p>
+
+<div class="figright">
+<img src="images/horses_3.png" alt="25 NOVEMBER 1808" width="300" />
+</div>
+
+<p>These are mistakes which only a
+madman would make. There are
+those who think our prisoner is
+mad, because of his apparent delusions
+about the great conqueror,
+General Bonaparte, alias the Emperor
+Napoleon. Madmen have
+been known to fabricate evidence to
+support their delusions, it is true,
+but I shudder to think of a madman
+having at his disposal the resources
+to manufacture the papers you will
+find in this dispatch case. Moreover,
+some of our foremost medical
+men, who have specialized in the
+disorders of the mind, have interviewed
+this man Bathurst and say
+that, save for his fixed belief in a
+nonexistent situation, he is perfectly
+sane.</p>
+
+<p>Personally, I believe that the
+whole thing is a gigantic hoax,
+perpetrated for some hidden and
+sinister purpose, possibly to create
+confusion, and to undermine the
+confidence existing between your
+government and mine, and to set
+against one another various persons
+connected with both governments,
+or else as a mask for some other
+conspiratorial activity. Only a few
+months ago, you will recall, there
+was a Jacobin plot unmasked at
+K&ouml;ln.</p>
+
+<p>But, whatever this business may
+portend, I do not like it. I want to
+get to the bottom of it as soon as
+possible, and I will thank you, my
+dear sir, and your government, for
+any assistance you may find possible.</p>
+
+<p>I have the honor, sir, to be, et
+cetera, et cetera, et cetera,</p>
+
+<p class="sig">Berchtenwald</p>
+
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p class="left">FROM BARON VON KRUTZ,
+TO THE COUNT VON BERCHTENWALD.
+MOST URGENT;
+MOST IMPORTANT.<br/>
+TO BE DELIVERED IMMEDIATELY
+AND IN PERSON
+REGARDLESS OF CIRCUMSTANCES.</p>
+
+<p class="sig">28 November, 1809</p>
+
+<p class="left">Count von Berchtenwald:</p>
+
+<p>Within the past half hour, that is,
+at about eleven o'clock tonight, the
+man calling himself Benjamin
+Bathurst was shot and killed by a
+sentry at the Ministry of Police,
+while attempting to escape from
+custody.</p>
+
+<p>A sentry on duty in the rear
+courtyard of the Ministry observed
+a man attempting to leave the building
+in a suspicious and furtive manner.
+This sentry, who was under
+the strictest orders to allow no one
+to enter or leave without written
+authorization, challenged him; when
+he attempted to run, the sentry
+fired his musket at him, bringing
+him down. At the shot, the
+Sergeant of the Guard rushed into
+the courtyard with his detail, and
+the man whom the sentry had shot
+was found to be the Englishman,
+Benjamin Bathurst. He had been
+hit in the chest with an ounce ball,
+and died before the doctor could
+arrive, and without recovering consciousness.</p>
+
+<p>An investigation revealed that the
+prisoner, who was confined on the
+third floor of the building, had
+fashioned a rope from his bedding,
+his bed cord, and the leather strap
+of his bell pull. This rope was only
+long enough to reach to the window
+of the office on the second floor,
+directly below, but he managed to
+enter this by kicking the glass out
+of the window. I am trying to find
+out how he could do this without
+being heard. I can assure you that
+somebody is going to smart for this
+night's work. As for the sentry, he
+acted within his orders; I have
+commended him for doing his duty,
+and for good shooting, and I assume
+full responsibility for the death
+of the prisoner at his hands.</p>
+
+<p>I have no idea why the self-so-called
+Benjamin Bathurst, who, until
+now, was well-behaved and
+seemed to take his confinement
+philosophically, should suddenly
+make this rash and fatal attempt,
+unless it was because of those infernal
+dunderheads of madhouse
+doctors who have been bothering
+him. Only this afternoon they deliberately
+handed him a bundle of
+newspapers&mdash;Prussian, Austrian,
+French, and English&mdash;all dated
+within the last month. They wanted
+they said, to see how he would react.
+Well, God pardon them, they've
+found out!</p>
+
+<p>What do you think should be
+done about giving the body burial?</p>
+
+<p class="sig">Krutz</p>
+
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p class="left">(From the British Minister, to the
+Count von Berchtenwald.)</p>
+
+<p class="sig">December 20th, 1809</p>
+
+<p class="left">My dear Count von Berchtenwald:</p>
+
+<p>Reply from London to my letter
+of the 28th, which accompanied the
+dispatch case and the other papers,
+has finally come to hand. The papers
+which you wanted returned&mdash;the
+copies of the statements taken at
+Perleburg, the letter to the Baron
+von Krutz from the police captain,
+Hartenstein, and the personal letter
+of Krutz's nephew, Lieutenant von
+Tarlburg, and the letter of safe-conduct
+found in the dispatch case&mdash;accompany
+herewith. I don't
+know what the people at Whitehall
+did with the other papers; tossed
+them into the nearest fire, for my
+guess. Were I in your place, that's
+where the papers I am returning
+would go.</p>
+
+<p>I have heard nothing, yet, from
+my dispatch of the 29th concerning
+the death of the man who called
+himself Benjamin Bathurst, but I
+doubt very much if any official notice
+will ever be taken of it. Your
+government had a perfect right to
+detain the fellow, and, that being
+the case, he attempted to escape at
+his own risk. After all, sentries are
+not required to carry loaded muskets
+in order to discourage them
+from putting their hands in their
+pockets.</p>
+
+<p>To hazard a purely unofficial
+opinion, I should not imagine that
+London is very much dissatisfied
+with this d&eacute;nouement. His Majesty's
+government are a hard-headed and
+matter-of-fact set of gentry who do
+not relish mysteries, least of all
+mysteries whose solution may be
+more disturbing than the original
+problem.</p>
+
+<p>This is entirely confidential, but
+those papers which were in that dispatch
+case kicked up the devil's
+own row in London, with half the
+government bigwigs protesting their
+innocence to high Heaven, and the
+rest accusing one another of complicity
+in the hoax. If that was
+somebody's intention, it was literally a howling success. For a while,
+it was even feared that there would be questions in Parliament, but
+eventually, the whole vexatious business was hushed.</p>
+
+<p>You may tell Count Tarlburg's
+son that his little friend is a most
+talented young lady; her sketch was
+highly commended by no less an
+authority than Sir Thomas Lawrence,
+and here comes the most
+bedeviling part of a thoroughly bedeviled
+business. The picture was
+instantly recognized. It is a very
+fair likeness of Benjamin Bathurst,
+or, I should say, Sir Benjamin
+Bathurst, who is King's lieutenant
+governor for the Crown Colony of
+Georgia. As Sir Thomas Lawrence
+did his portrait a few years back,
+he is in an excellent position to
+criticize the work of Lieutenant von
+Tarlburg's young lady. However,
+Sir Benjamin Bathurst was known
+to have been in Savannah, attending
+to the duties of his office, and in
+the public eye, all the while that his
+double was in Prussia. Sir Benjamin
+does not have a twin brother.
+It has been suggested that this fellow
+might be a half-brother, but, as
+far as I know, there is no justification
+for this theory.</p>
+
+<p>The General Bonaparte, alias the
+Emperor Napoleon, who is given
+so much mention in the dispatches,
+seems also to have a counterpart in
+actual life; there is, in the French
+army, a Colonel of Artillery by that
+name, a Corsican who Gallicized his
+original name of Napolione Buonaparte.
+He is a most brilliant military
+theoretician; I am sure some
+of your own officers, like General
+Scharnhorst, could tell you about
+him. His loyalty to the French
+monarchy has never been questioned.</p>
+
+<p>This same correspondence to fact
+seems to crop up everywhere in that
+amazing collection of pseudo-dispatches
+and pseudo-State papers.
+The United States of America, you
+will recall, was the style by which
+the rebellious colonies referred to
+themselves, in the Declaration of
+Philadelphia. The James Madison
+who is mentioned as the current
+President of the United States is
+now living, in exile, in Switzerland.
+His alleged predecessor in office,
+Thomas Jefferson, was the author
+of the rebel Declaration; after the
+defeat of the rebels, he escaped to
+Havana, and died, several years ago,
+in the Principality of Lichtenstein.</p>
+
+<p>I was quite amused to find our
+old friend Cardinal Talleyrand&mdash;without
+the ecclesiastical title&mdash;cast
+in the role of chief adviser to the
+usurper, Bonaparte. His Eminence,
+I have always thought, is the sort
+of fellow who would land on his
+feet on top of any heap, and who
+would as little scruple to be Prime
+Minister to His Satanic Majesty as
+to His Most Christian Majesty.</p>
+
+<p>I was baffled, however, by one
+name, frequently mentioned in those
+fantastic papers. This was the English
+general, Wellington. I haven't
+the least idea who this person might
+be.</p>
+
+<p>I have the honor, your excellency,
+et cetera, et cetera, et cetera,</p>
+
+<p class="sig">Sir Arthur Wellesley</p>
+
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p class="center">THE END.</p>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's He Walked Around the Horses, by Henry Beam Piper
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+Project Gutenberg's He Walked Around the Horses, by Henry Beam Piper
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: He Walked Around the Horses
+
+Author: Henry Beam Piper
+
+Illustrator: Cartier
+
+Release Date: July 11, 2006 [EBook #18807]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HE WALKED AROUND THE HORSES ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Greg Weeks, William Woods and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+Transcriber's note:
+This etext was produced from Astounding Science Fiction April 1948.
+Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the copyright
+on this publication was renewed.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+HE WALKED
+AROUND THE HORSES
+
+BY H. BEAM PIPER
+
+Illustrated by Cartier
+
+_This tale is based on an authenticated,
+documented fact. A man vanished--right
+out of this world. And where he went--_
+
+
+_In November 1809, an Englishman named Benjamin Bathurst vanished,
+inexplicably and utterly._
+
+_He was en route to Hamburg from Vienna, where he had been serving
+as his government's envoy to the court of what Napoleon had left
+of the Austrian Empire. At an inn in Perleburg, in Prussia, while
+examining a change of horses for his coach, he casually stepped
+out of sight of his secretary and his valet. He was not seen to
+leave the inn yard. He was not seen again, ever._
+
+_At least, not in this continuum...._
+
+
+
+(From Baron Eugen von Krutz, Minister of Police, to His Excellency
+the Count von Berchtenwald, Chancellor to His Majesty Friedrich
+Wilhelm III of Prussia.)
+
+25 November, 1809
+
+Your Excellency:
+
+A circumstance has come to the notice of this Ministry, the
+significance of which I am at a loss to define, but, since it
+appears to involve matters of State, both here and abroad, I am
+convinced that it is of sufficient importance to be brought to
+your personal attention. Frankly, I am unwilling to take any
+further action in the matter without your advice.
+
+Briefly, the situation is this: We are holding, here at the
+Ministry of Police, a person giving his name as Benjamin Bathurst,
+who claims to be a British diplomat. This person was taken into
+custody by the police at Perleburg yesterday, as a result of a
+disturbance at an inn there; he is being detained on technical
+charges of causing disorder in a public place, and of being a
+suspicious person. When arrested, he had in his possession a
+dispatch case, containing a number of papers; these are of such an
+extraordinary nature that the local authorities declined to assume
+any responsibility beyond having the man sent here to Berlin.
+
+After interviewing this person and examining his papers, I am,
+I must confess, in much the same position. This is not, I am
+convinced, any ordinary police matter; there is something very
+strange and disturbing here. The man's statements, taken alone,
+are so incredible as to justify the assumption that he is mad. I
+cannot, however, adopt this theory, in view of his demeanor,
+which is that of a man of perfect rationality, and because of the
+existence of these papers. The whole thing is mad; incomprehensible!
+
+The papers in question accompany, along with copies of the
+various statements taken at Perleburg, a personal letter to me
+from my nephew, Lieutenant Rudolf von Tarlburg. This last is
+deserving of your particular attention; Lieutenant von Tarlburg
+is a very level-headed young officer, not at all inclined to be
+fanciful or imaginative. It would take a good deal to affect him
+as he describes.
+
+The man calling himself Benjamin Bathurst is now lodged in an
+apartment here at the Ministry; he is being treated with every
+consideration, and, except for freedom of movement, accorded
+every privilege.
+
+I am, most anxiously awaiting your advice, et cetera, et cetera,
+
+Krutz
+
+
+
+(Report of Traugott Zeller, _Oberwachtmeister_, _Staatspolizei_,
+made at Perleburg, 25 November, 1809.)
+
+At about ten minutes past two of the afternoon of Saturday, 25
+November, while I was at the police station, there entered a man
+known to me as Franz Bauer, an inn servant employed by Christian
+Hauck, at the sign of the Sword & Scepter, here in Perleburg.
+This man Franz Bauer made complaint to _Staatspolizeikapitan_
+Ernst Hartenstein, saying that there was a madman making trouble
+at the inn where he, Franz Bauer, worked. I was, therefore,
+directed, by _Staatspolizeikapitan_ Hartenstein, to go to the
+Sword & Scepter Inn, there to act at discretion to maintain the
+peace.
+
+Arriving at the inn in company with the said Franz Bauer, I found
+a considerable crowd of people in the common room, and, in the
+midst of them, the innkeeper, Christian Hauck, in altercation with
+a stranger. This stranger was a gentlemanly-appearing person,
+dressed in traveling clothes, who had under his arm a small
+leather dispatch case. As I entered, I could hear him, speaking in
+German with a strong English accent, abusing the innkeeper, the
+said Christian Hauck, and accusing him of having drugged his, the
+stranger's, wine, and of having stolen his, the stranger's,
+coach-and-four, and of having abducted his, the stranger's,
+secretary and servants. This the said Christian Hauck was loudly
+denying, and the other people in the inn were taking the
+innkeeper's part, and mocking the stranger for a madman.
+
+On entering, I commanded everyone to be silent, in the king's name,
+and then, as he appeared to be the complaining party of the dispute,
+I required the foreign gentleman to state to me what was the
+trouble. He then repeated his accusations against the innkeeper,
+Hauck, saying that Hauck, or, rather, another man who resembled
+Hauck and who had claimed to be the innkeeper, had drugged his wine
+and stolen his coach and made off with his secretary and his
+servants. At this point, the innkeeper and the bystanders all began
+shouting denials and contradictions, so that I had to pound on a
+table with my truncheon to command silence.
+
+I then required the innkeeper, Christian Hauck, to answer the
+charges which the stranger had made; this he did with a complete
+denial of all of them, saying that the stranger had had no wine
+in his inn, and that he had not been inside the inn until a few
+minutes before, when he had burst in shouting accusations, and
+that there had been no secretary, and no valet, and no coachman,
+and no coach-and-four, at the inn, and that the gentleman was
+raving mad. To all this, he called the people who were in the
+common room to witness.
+
+I then required the stranger to account for himself. He said
+that his name was Benjamin Bathurst, and that he was a British
+diplomat, returning to England from Vienna. To prove this, he
+produced from his dispatch case sundry papers. One of these was
+a letter of safe-conduct, issued by the Prussian Chancellery, in
+which he was named and described as Benjamin Bathurst. The other
+papers were English, all bearing seals, and appearing to be
+official documents.
+
+Accordingly, I requested him to accompany me to the police station,
+and also the innkeeper, and three men whom the innkeeper wanted to
+bring as witnesses.
+
+Traugott Zeller
+_Oberwachtmeister_
+
+Report approved,
+
+Ernst Hartenstein
+_Staatspolizeikapitan_
+
+
+
+(Statement of the self-so-called Benjamin Bathurst, taken at the
+police station at Perleburg, 25 November, 1809.)
+
+My name is Benjamin Bathurst, and I am Envoy Extraordinary and
+Minister Plenipotentiary of the government of His Britannic Majesty
+to the court of His Majesty Franz I, Emperor of Austria, or, at
+least, I was until the events following the Austrian surrender
+made necessary my return to London. I left Vienna on the morning
+of Monday, the 20th, to go to Hamburg to take ship home; I was
+traveling in my own coach-and-four, with my secretary, Mr. Bertram
+Jardine, and my valet, William Small, both British subjects, and
+a coachman, Josef Bidek, an Austrian subject, whom I had hired
+for the trip. Because of the presence of French troops, whom I
+was anxious to avoid, I was forced to make a detour west as far
+as Salzburg before turning north toward Magdeburg, where I
+crossed the Elbe. I was unable to get a change of horses for my
+coach after leaving Gera, until I reached Perleburg, where I
+stopped at the Sword & Scepter Inn.
+
+Arriving there, I left my coach in the inn yard, and I and my
+secretary, Mr. Jardine, went into the inn. A man, not this fellow
+here, but another rogue, with more beard and less paunch, and
+more shabbily dressed, but as like him as though he were his
+brother, represented himself as the innkeeper, and I dealt with
+him for a change of horses, and ordered a bottle of wine for
+myself and my secretary, and also a pot of beer apiece for my
+valet and the coachman, to be taken outside to them. Then Jardine
+and I sat down to our wine, at a table in the common room, until
+the man who claimed to be the innkeeper came back and told us
+that the fresh horses were harnessed to the coach and ready to
+go. Then we went outside again.
+
+I looked at the two horses on the off side, and then walked around
+in front of the team to look at the two nigh-side horses, and as I
+did I felt giddy, as though I were about to fall, and everything
+went black before my eyes. I thought I was having a fainting
+spell, something I am not at all subject to, and I put out my hand
+to grasp the hitching bar, but could not find it. I am sure, now,
+that I was unconscious for some time, because when my head
+cleared, the coach and horses were gone, and in their place was a
+big farm wagon, jacked up in front, with the right front wheel
+off, and two peasants were greasing the detached wheel.
+
+I looked at them for a moment, unable to credit my eyes, and
+then I spoke to them in German, saying, "Where the devil's my
+coach-and-four?"
+
+They both straightened, startled: the one who was holding the wheel
+almost dropped it.
+
+"Pardon, excellency," he said, "there's been no coach-and-four here,
+all the time we've been here."
+
+"Yes," said his mate, "and we've been here since just after noon."
+
+I did not attempt to argue with them. It occurred to me--and
+it is still my opinion--that I was the victim of some plot; that
+my wine had been drugged, that I had been unconscious for some
+time, during which my coach had been removed and this wagon
+substituted for it, and that these peasants had been put to work
+on it and instructed what to say if questioned. If my arrival at
+the inn had been anticipated, and everything put in readiness,
+the whole business would not have taken ten minutes.
+
+I therefore entered the inn, determined to have it out with
+this rascally innkeeper, but when I returned to the common room,
+he was nowhere to be seen, and this other fellow, who has given
+his name as Christian Hauck, claimed to be the innkeeper and
+denied knowledge of any of the things I have just stated.
+Furthermore, there were four cavalrymen, Uhlans, drinking beer
+and playing cards at the table where Jardine and I had had our
+wine, and they claimed to have been there for several hours.
+
+I have no idea why such an elaborate prank, involving the
+participation of many people, should be played on me, except at
+the instigation of the French. In that case, I cannot understand
+why Prussian soldiers should lend themselves to it.
+
+Benjamin Bathurst
+
+
+
+(Statement of Christian Hauck, innkeeper, taken at the police
+station at Perleburg, 25 November, 1809.)
+
+May it please your honor, my name is Christian Hauck, and I keep
+an inn at the sign of the Sword & Scepter, and have these past
+fifteen years, and my father, and his father, before me, for the
+past fifty years, and never has there been a complaint like this
+against my inn. Your honor, it is a hard thing for a man who
+keeps a decent house, and pays his taxes, and obeys the laws,
+to be accused of crimes of this sort.
+
+I know nothing of this gentleman, nor of his coach, nor his
+secretary, nor his servants; I never set eyes on him before he
+came bursting into the inn from the yard, shouting and raving
+like a madman, and crying out, "Where the devil's that rogue of
+an innkeeper?"
+
+I said to him, "I am the innkeeper; what cause have you to
+call me a rogue, sir?"
+
+The stranger replied:
+
+"You're not the innkeeper I did business with a few minutes ago,
+and he's the rascal I want to see. I want to know what the devil's
+been done with my coach, and what's happened to my secretary and
+my servants."
+
+I tried to tell him that I knew nothing of what he was talking
+about, but he would not listen, and gave me the lie, saying that
+he had been drugged and robbed, and his people kidnaped. He even
+had the impudence to claim that he and his secretary had been
+sitting at a table in that room, drinking wine, not fifteen
+minutes before, when there had been four noncommissioned officers
+of the Third Uhlans at that table since noon. Everybody in the
+room spoke up for me, but he would not listen, and was shouting
+that we were all robbers, and kidnapers, and French spies, and I
+don't know what all, when the police came.
+
+Your honor, the man is mad. What I have told you about this is the
+truth, and all that I know about this business, so help me God.
+
+Christian Hauck
+
+
+
+(Statement of Franz Bauer, inn servant, taken at the police station
+at Perleburg, 25 November, 1809.)
+
+May it please your honor, my name is Franz Bauer, and I am a
+servant at the Sword & Scepter Inn, kept by Christian Hauck.
+
+This afternoon, when I went into the inn yard to empty a bucket of
+slops on the dung heap by the stables, I heard voices and turned
+around, to see this gentleman speaking to Wilhelm Beick and Fritz
+Herzer, who were greasing their wagon in the yard. He had not been
+in the yard when I had turned away to empty the bucket, and I
+thought that he must have come in from the street. This gentleman
+was asking Beick and Herzer where was his coach, and when they
+told him they didn't know, he turned and ran into the inn.
+
+Of my own knowledge, the man had not been inside the inn before
+then, nor had there been any coach, or any of the people he spoke
+of, at the inn, and none of the things he spoke of happened there,
+for otherwise I would know, since I was at the inn all day.
+
+When I went back inside, I found him in the common room shouting
+at my master, and claiming that he had been drugged and robbed. I
+saw that he was mad and was afraid that he would do some mischief,
+so I went for the police.
+
+Franz Bauer
+his (x) mark
+
+
+
+(Statements of Wilhelm Beick and Fritz Herzer, peasants, taken at
+the police station at Perleburg, 25 November, 1809.)
+
+May it please your honor, my name is Wilhelm Beick, and I am
+a tenant on the estate of the Baron von Hentig. On this day, I
+and Fritz Herzer were sent into Perleburg with a load of potatoes
+and cabbages which the innkeeper at the Sword & Scepter had
+bought from the estate superintendent. After we had unloaded
+them, we decided to grease our wagon, which was very dry, before
+going back, so we unhitched and began working on it. We took
+about two hours, starting just after we had eaten lunch, and in
+all that time, there was no coach-and-four in the inn yard. We
+were just finishing when this gentleman spoke to us, demanding to
+know where his coach was. We told him that there had been no
+coach in the yard all the time we had been there, so he turned
+around and ran into the inn. At the time, I thought that he had
+come out of the inn before speaking to us, for I know that he
+could not have come in from the street. Now I do not know where
+he came from, but I know that I never saw him before that moment.
+
+Wilhelm Beick
+his (x) mark
+
+I have heard the above testimony, and it is true to my own
+knowledge, and I have nothing to add to it.
+
+Fritz Herzer
+his (x) mark
+
+
+
+(From _Staatspolizeikapitan_ Ernst Hartenstein, to His Excellency,
+the Baron von Krutz, Minister of Police.)
+
+25 November, 1809
+
+Your Excellency:
+
+The accompanying copies of statements taken this day will explain
+how the prisoner, the self-so-called Benjamin Bathurst, came into
+my custody. I have charged him with causing disorder and being a
+suspicious person, to hold him until more can be learned about
+him. However, as he represents himself to be a British diplomat,
+I am unwilling to assume any further responsibility, and am
+having him sent to your excellency, in Berlin.
+
+In the first place, your excellency, I have the strongest doubts
+of the man's story. The statement which he made before me, and
+signed, is bad enough, with a coach-and-four turning into a farm
+wagon, like Cinderella's coach into a pumpkin, and three people
+vanishing as though swallowed by the earth. But all this is
+perfectly reasonable and credible, beside the things he said to
+me, of which no record was made.
+
+Your excellency will have noticed, in his statement, certain
+allusions to the Austrian surrender, and to French troops in
+Austria. After his statement had been taken down, I noticed these
+allusions, and I inquired, what surrender, and what were French
+troops doing in Austria. The man looked at me in a pitying
+manner, and said:
+
+"News seems to travel slowly, hereabouts; peace was concluded
+at Vienna on the 14th of last month. And as for what French
+troops are doing in Austria, they're doing the same things
+Bonaparte's brigands are doing everywhere in Europe."
+
+"And who is Bonaparte?" I asked.
+
+He stared at me as though I had asked him, "Who is the Lord Jehovah?"
+Then, after a moment, a look of comprehension came into his face.
+
+"So, you Prussians concede him the title of Emperor, and refer
+to him as Napoleon," he said. "Well, I can assure you that His
+Britannic Majesty's government haven't done so, and never will;
+not so long as one Englishman has a finger left to pull a trigger.
+General Bonaparte is a usurper; His Britannic Majesty's government
+do not recognize any sovereignty in France except the House of
+Bourbon." This he said very sternly, as though rebuking me.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+It took me a moment or so to digest that, and to appreciate all its
+implications. Why, this fellow evidently believed, as a matter of
+fact, that the French Monarchy had been overthrown by some military
+adventurer named Bonaparte, who was calling himself the Emperor
+Napoleon, and who had made war on Austria and forced a surrender. I
+made no attempt to argue with him--one wastes time arguing with
+madmen--but if this man could believe that, the transformation of a
+coach-and-four into a cabbage wagon was a small matter indeed. So,
+to humor him, I asked him if he thought General Bonaparte's agents
+were responsible for his trouble at the inn.
+
+"Certainly," he replied. "The chances are they didn't know me
+to see me, and took Jardine for the minister, and me for the
+secretary, so they made off with poor Jardine. I wonder, though,
+that they left me my dispatch case. And that reminds me; I'll
+want that back. Diplomatic papers, you know."
+
+I told him, very seriously, that we would have to check his
+credentials. I promised him I would make every effort to locate
+his secretary and his servants and his coach, took a complete
+description of all of them, and persuaded him to go into an
+upstairs room, where I kept him under guard. I did start
+inquiries, calling in all my informers and spies, but, as I
+expected, I could learn nothing. I could not find anybody, even,
+who had seen him anywhere in Perleburg before he appeared at the
+Sword & Scepter, and that rather surprised me, as somebody should
+have seen him enter the town, or walk along the street.
+
+In this connection, let me remind your excellency of the
+discrepancy in the statements of the servant, Franz Bauer, and of
+the two peasants. The former is certain the man entered the inn
+yard from the street; the latter are just as positive that he did
+not. Your excellency, I do not like such puzzles, for I am sure
+that all three were telling the truth to the best of their
+knowledge. They are ignorant common folk, I admit, but they
+should know what they did or did not see.
+
+After I got the prisoner into safekeeping, I fell to examining his
+papers, and I can assure your excellency that they gave me a shock.
+I had paid little heed to his ravings about the King of France
+being dethroned, or about this General Bonaparte who called himself
+the Emperor Napoleon, but I found all these things mentioned in his
+papers and dispatches, which had every appearance of being official
+documents. There was repeated mention of the taking, by the French,
+of Vienna, last May, and of the capitulation of the Austrian
+Emperor to this General Bonaparte, and of battles being fought all
+over Europe, and I don't know what other fantastic things. Your
+excellency, I have heard of all sorts of madmen--one believing
+himself to be the Archangel Gabriel, or Mohammed, or a werewolf,
+and another convinced that his bones are made of glass, or that he
+is pursued and tormented by devils--but so help me God, this is the
+first time I have heard of a madman who had documentary proof for
+his delusions! Does your excellency wonder, then, that I want no
+part of this business?
+
+But the matter of his credentials was even worse. He had papers,
+sealed with the seal of the British Foreign Office, and to every
+appearance genuine--but they were signed, as Foreign Minister, by
+one George Canning, and all the world knows that Lord Castlereagh
+has been Foreign Minister these last five years. And to cap it
+all, he had a safe-conduct, sealed with the seal of the Prussian
+Chancellery--the very seal, for I compared it, under a strong
+magnifying glass, with one that I knew to be genuine, and they
+were identical!--and yet, this letter was signed, as Chancellor,
+not by Count von Berchtenwald, but by Baron Stein, the Minister of
+Agriculture, and the signature, as far as I could see, appeared to
+be genuine! This is too much for me, your excellency; I must ask
+to be excused from dealing with this matter, before I become as
+mad as my prisoner!
+
+I made arrangements, accordingly, with Colonel Keitel, of the
+Third Uhlans, to furnish an officer to escort this man into
+Berlin. The coach in which they come belongs to this police
+station, and the driver is one of my men. He should be furnished
+expense money to get back to Perleburg. The guard is a corporal
+of Uhlans, the orderly of the officer. He will stay with the
+_Herr Oberleutnant_, and both of them will return here at their
+own convenience and expense.
+
+I have the honor, your excellency, to be, et cetera, et cetera.
+
+Ernst Hartenstein
+_Staatspolizeikapitan_
+
+
+
+(From _Oberleutnant_ Rudolf von Tarlburg, to Baron Eugen von Krutz.)
+
+26 November, 1809
+
+Dear Uncle Eugen;
+
+This is in no sense a formal report; I made that at the Ministry,
+when I turned the Englishman and his papers over to one of your
+officers--a fellow with red hair and a face like a bulldog. But
+there are a few things which you should be told, which wouldn't
+look well in an official report, to let you know just what sort
+of a rare fish has got into your net.
+
+I had just come in from drilling my platoon, yesterday, when
+Colonel Keitel's orderly told me that the colonel wanted to see
+me in his quarters. I found the old fellow in undress in his
+sitting room, smoking his big pipe.
+
+"Come in, lieutenant; come in and sit down, my boy!" he greeted
+me, in that bluff, hearty manner which he always adopts with his
+junior officers when he has some particularly nasty job to be
+done. "How would you like to take a little trip in to Berlin? I
+have an errand, which won't take half an hour, and you can stay
+as long as you like, just so you're back by Thursday, when your
+turn comes up for road patrol."
+
+Well, I thought, this is the bait. I waited to see what the hook
+would look like, saying that it was entirely agreeable with me,
+and asking what his errand was.
+
+"Well, it isn't for myself, Tarlburg," he said. "It's for this
+fellow Hartenstein, the _Staatspolizeikapitan_ here. He has
+something he wants done at the Ministry of Police, and I thought
+of you because I've heard you're related to the Baron von Krutz.
+You are, aren't you?" he asked, just as though he didn't know all
+about who all his officers are related to.
+
+"That's right, colonel; the baron is my uncle," I said. "What
+does Hartenstein want done?"
+
+"Why, he has a prisoner whom he wants taken to Berlin and turned
+over at the Ministry. All you have to do is to take him in, in a
+coach, and see he doesn't escape on the way, and get a receipt
+for him, and for some papers. This is a very important prisoner;
+I don't think Hartenstein has anybody he can trust to handle him.
+The prisoner claims to be some sort of a British diplomat, and
+for all Hartenstein knows, maybe he is. Also, he is a madman."
+
+"A madman?" I echoed.
+
+"Yes, just so. At least, that's what Hartenstein told me. I wanted
+to know what sort of a madman--there are various kinds of madmen,
+all of whom must be handled differently--but all Hartenstein would
+tell me was that he had unrealistic beliefs about the state of
+affairs in Europe."
+
+"Ha! What diplomat hasn't?" I asked.
+
+Old Keitel gave a laugh, somewhere between the bark of a dog and
+the croaking of a raven.
+
+"Yes, exactly! The unrealistic beliefs of diplomats are what
+soldiers die of," he said. "I said as much to Hartenstein, but he
+wouldn't tell me anything more. He seemed to regret having said
+even that much. He looked like a man who's seen a particularly
+terrifying ghost." The old man puffed hard at his famous pipe for
+a while, blowing smoke through his mustache. "Rudi, Hartenstein
+has pulled a hot potato out of the ashes, this time, and he wants
+to toss it to your uncle, before he burns his fingers. I think
+that's one reason why he got me to furnish an escort for his
+Englishman. Now, look; you must take this unrealistic diplomat,
+or this undiplomatic madman, or whatever in blazes he is, in to
+Berlin. And understand this." He pointed his pipe at me as though
+it were a pistol. "Your orders are to take him there and turn him
+over at the Ministry of Police. Nothing has been said about
+whether you turn him over alive, or dead, or half one and half
+the other. I know nothing about this business, and want to know
+nothing; if Hartenstein wants us to play gaol warders for him,
+then he must be satisfied with our way of doing it!"
+
+Well, to cut short the story, I looked at the coach Hartenstein
+had placed at my disposal, and I decided to chain the left door
+shut on the outside, so that it couldn't be opened from within.
+Then, I would put my prisoner on my left, so that the only way out
+would be past me. I decided not to carry any weapons which he
+might be able to snatch from me, so I took off my saber and locked
+it in the seat box, along with the dispatch case containing the
+Englishman's papers. It was cold enough to wear a greatcoat in
+comfort, so I wore mine, and in the right side pocket, where my
+prisoner couldn't reach, I put a little leaded bludgeon, and also
+a brace of pocket pistols. Hartenstein was going to furnish me a
+guard as well as a driver, but I said that I would take a servant,
+who could act as guard. The servant, of course, was my orderly,
+old Johann; I gave him my double hunting gun to carry, with a big
+charge of boar shot in one barrel and an ounce ball in the other.
+
+In addition, I armed myself with a big bottle of cognac. I thought
+that if I could shoot my prisoner often enough with that, he would
+give me no trouble.
+
+As it happened, he didn't, and none of my precautions--except
+the cognac--were needed. The man didn't look like a lunatic to
+me. He was a rather stout gentleman, of past middle age, with a
+ruddy complexion and an intelligent face. The only unusual thing
+about him was his hat, which was a peculiar contraption, looking
+like a pot. I put him in the carriage, and then offered him a
+drink out of my bottle, taking one about half as big myself. He
+smacked his lips over it and said, "Well, that's real brandy;
+whatever we think of their detestable politics, we can't
+criticize the French for their liquor." Then, he said, "I'm glad
+they're sending me in the custody of a military gentleman,
+instead of a confounded gendarme. Tell me the truth, lieutenant;
+am I under arrest for anything?"
+
+"Why," I said, "Captain Hartenstein should have told you about
+that. All I know is that I have orders to take you to the Ministry
+of Police, in Berlin, and not to let you escape on the way. These
+orders I will carry out; I hope you don't hold that against me."
+
+He assured me that he did not, and we had another drink on
+it--I made sure, again, that he got twice as much as I did--and
+then the coachman cracked his whip and we were off for Berlin.
+
+Now, I thought, I am going to see just what sort of a madman this
+is, and why Hartenstein is making a State affair out of a squabble
+at an inn. So I decided to explore his unrealistic beliefs about
+the state of affairs in Europe.
+
+After guiding the conversation to where I wanted it, I asked him:
+
+"What, _Herr_ Bathurst, in your belief, is the real, underlying
+cause of the present tragic situation in Europe?"
+
+That, I thought, was safe enough. Name me one year, since the
+days of Julius Caesar, when the situation in Europe hasn't been
+tragic! And it worked, to perfection.
+
+"In my belief," says this Englishman, "the whole mess is the
+result of the victory of the rebellious colonists in North
+America, and their blasted republic."
+
+Well, you can imagine, that gave me a start. All the world knows
+that the American Patriots lost their war for independence from
+England; that their army was shattered, that their leaders were
+either killed or driven into exile. How many times, when I was a
+little boy, did I not sit up long past my bedtime, when old
+Baron von Steuben was a guest at Tarlburg-Schloss, listening
+open-mouthed and wide-eyed to his stories of that gallant lost
+struggle! How I used to shiver at his tales of the terrible
+winter camp, or thrill at the battles, or weep as he told how he
+held the dying Washington in his arms, and listened to his noble
+last words, at the Battle of Doylestown! And here, this man was
+telling me that the Patriots had really won, and set up the
+republic for which they had fought! I had been prepared for some
+of what Hartenstein had called unrealistic beliefs, but nothing
+as fantastic as this.
+
+"I can cut it even finer than that," Bathurst continued. "It was
+the defeat of Burgoyne at Saratoga. We made a good bargain when
+we got Benedict Arnold to turn his coat, but we didn't do it soon
+enough. If he hadn't been on the field that day, Burgoyne would
+have gone through Gates' army like a hot knife through butter."
+
+But Arnold hadn't been at Saratoga. I know; I have read much of
+the American War. Arnold was shot dead on New Year's Day of 1776,
+during the storming of Quebec. And Burgoyne had done just as
+Bathurst had said; he had gone through Gates like a knife, and
+down the Hudson to join Howe.
+
+"But, _Herr_ Bathurst," I asked, "how could that affect the
+situation in Europe? America is thousands of miles away, across
+the ocean."
+
+"Ideas can cross oceans quicker than armies. When Louis XVI
+decided to come to the aid of the Americans, he doomed himself
+and his regime. A successful resistance to royal authority in
+America was all the French Republicans needed to inspire them. Of
+course, we have Louis's own weakness to blame, too. If he'd given
+those rascals a whiff of grapeshot, when the mob tried to storm
+Versailles in 1790, there'd have been no French Revolution."
+
+But he had. When Louis XVI ordered the howitzers turned on the
+mob at Versailles, and then sent the dragoons to ride down the
+survivors, the Republican movement had been broken. That had been
+when Cardinal Talleyrand, who was then merely Bishop of Autun,
+had came to the fore and become the power that he is today in
+France; the greatest King's Minister since Richelieu.
+
+"And, after that, Louis's death followed as surely as night after
+day," Bathurst was saying. "And because the French had no experience
+in self-government, their republic was foredoomed. If Bonaparte
+hadn't seized power, somebody else would have; when the French
+murdered their king, they delivered themselves to dictatorship.
+And a dictator, unsupported by the prestige of royalty, has no
+choice but to lead his people into foreign war, to keep them from
+turning upon him."
+
+It was like that all the way to Berlin. All these things seem
+foolish, by daylight, but as I sat in the darkness of that
+swaying coach, I was almost convinced of the reality of what he
+told me. I tell you, Uncle Eugen, it was frightening, as though
+he were giving me a view of Hell. _Gott im Himmel_, the things
+that man talked of! Armies swarming over Europe; sack and
+massacre, and cities burning; blockades, and starvation; kings
+deposed, and thrones tumbling like tenpins; battles in which the
+soldiers of every nation fought, and in which tens of thousands
+were mowed down like ripe grain; and, over all, the Satanic
+figure of a little man in a gray coat, who dictated peace to the
+Austrian Emperor in Schoenbrunn, and carried the Pope away a
+prisoner to Savona.
+
+Madman, eh? Unrealistic beliefs, says Hartenstein? Well, give
+me madmen who drool spittle, and foam at the mouth, and shriek
+obscene blasphemies. But not this pleasant-seeming gentleman who
+sat beside me and talked of horrors in a quiet, cultured voice,
+while he drank my cognac.
+
+But not all my cognac! If your man at the Ministry--the one
+with red hair and the bulldog face--tells you that I was drunk
+when I brought in that Englishman, you had better believe him!
+
+Rudi.
+
+
+
+(From Count von Berchtenwald, to the British Minister.)
+
+28 November, 1809
+
+Honored Sir:
+
+The accompanying dossier will acquaint you with the problem
+confronting this Chancellery, without needless repetition on my
+part. Please to understand that it is not, and never was, any
+part of the intentions of the government of His Majesty Friedrich
+Wilhelm III to offer any injury or indignity to the government of
+His Britannic Majesty George III. We would never contemplate
+holding in arrest the person, or tampering with the papers, of an
+accredited envoy of your government. However, we have the gravest
+doubt, to make a considerable understatement, that this person
+who calls himself Benjamin Bathurst is any such envoy, and we do
+not think that it would be any service to the government of His
+Britannic Majesty to allow an impostor to travel about Europe in
+the guise of a British diplomatic representative. We certainly
+should not thank the government of His Britannic Majesty for
+failing to take steps to deal with some person who, in England,
+might falsely represent himself to be a Prussian diplomat.
+
+This affair touches us as closely as it does your own government;
+this man had in his possession a letter of safe-conduct, which
+you will find in the accompanying dispatch case. It is of the
+regular form, as issued by this Chancellery, and is sealed with
+the Chancellery seal, or with a very exact counterfeit of it.
+However, it has been signed, as Chancellor of Prussia, with a
+signature indistinguishable from that of the Baron Stein, who is
+the present Prussian Minister of Agriculture. Baron Stein was
+shown the signature, with the rest of the letter covered, and
+without hesitation acknowledged it for his own writing. However,
+when the letter was uncovered and shown to him, his surprise and
+horror were such as would require the pen of a Goethe or a
+Schiller to describe, and he denied categorically ever having
+seen the document before.
+
+I have no choice but to believe him. It is impossible to think
+that a man of Baron Stein's honorable and serious character would
+be party to the fabrication of a paper of this sort. Even aside
+from this, I am in the thing as deeply as he; if it is signed
+with his signature, it is also sealed with my seal, which has not
+been out of my personal keeping in the ten years that I have been
+Chancellor here. In fact, the word "impossible" can be used to
+describe the entire business. It was impossible for the man
+Benjamin Bathurst to have entered the inn yard--yet he did. It
+was impossible that he should carry papers of the sort found in
+his dispatch case, or that such papers should exist--yet I am
+sending them to you with this letter. It is impossible that Baron
+von Stein should sign a paper of the sort he did, or that it
+should be sealed by the Chancellery--yet it bears both Stein's
+signature and my seal.
+
+You will also find in the dispatch case other credentials,
+ostensibly originating with the British Foreign Office, of the
+same character, being signed by persons having no connection with
+the Foreign Office, or even with the government, but being sealed
+with apparently authentic seals. If you send these papers to
+London, I fancy you will find that they will there create the same
+situation as that caused here by this letter of safe-conduct.
+
+I am also sending you a charcoal sketch of the person who calls
+himself Benjamin Bathurst. This portrait was taken without its
+subject's knowledge. Baron von Krutz's nephew, Lieutenant von
+Tarlburg, who is the son of our mutual friend Count von Tarlburg,
+has a little friend, a very clever young lady who is, as you will
+see, an expert at this sort of work: she was introduced into a
+room at the Ministry of Police and placed behind a screen, where
+she could sketch our prisoner's face. If you should send this
+picture to London, I think that there is a good chance that it
+might be recognized. I can vouch that it is an excellent likeness.
+
+To tell the truth, we are at our wits' end about this affair.
+I cannot understand how such excellent imitations of these
+various seals could be made, and the signature of the Baron von
+Stein is the most expert forgery that I have ever seen, in thirty
+years' experience as a statesman. This would indicate careful and
+painstaking work on the part of somebody; how, then, do we
+reconcile this with such clumsy mistakes, recognizable as such by
+any schoolboy, as signing the name of Baron Stein as Prussian
+Chancellor, or Mr. George Canning, who is a member of the
+opposition party and not connected with your government, as
+British Foreign secretary.
+
+[Illustration: 25 NOVEMBER 1808]
+
+These are mistakes which only a madman would make. There are those
+who think our prisoner is mad, because of his apparent delusions
+about the great conqueror, General Bonaparte, alias the Emperor
+Napoleon. Madmen have been known to fabricate evidence to support
+their delusions, it is true, but I shudder to think of a madman
+having at his disposal the resources to manufacture the papers you
+will find in this dispatch case. Moreover, some of our foremost
+medical men, who have specialized in the disorders of the mind,
+have interviewed this man Bathurst and say that, save for his
+fixed belief in a nonexistent situation, he is perfectly sane.
+
+Personally, I believe that the whole thing is a gigantic hoax,
+perpetrated for some hidden and sinister purpose, possibly to
+create confusion, and to undermine the confidence existing
+between your government and mine, and to set against one another
+various persons connected with both governments, or else as a
+mask for some other conspiratorial activity. Only a few months
+ago, you will recall, there was a Jacobin plot unmasked at Koeln.
+
+But, whatever this business may portend, I do not like it. I
+want to get to the bottom of it as soon as possible, and I will
+thank you, my dear sir, and your government, for any assistance
+you may find possible.
+
+I have the honor, sir, to be, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera,
+
+Berchtenwald
+
+
+
+FROM BARON VON KRUTZ, TO THE COUNT VON BERCHTENWALD. MOST URGENT;
+MOST IMPORTANT. TO BE DELIVERED IMMEDIATELY AND IN PERSON
+REGARDLESS OF CIRCUMSTANCES.
+
+28 November, 1809
+
+Count von Berchtenwald:
+
+Within the past half hour, that is, at about eleven o'clock
+tonight, the man calling himself Benjamin Bathurst was shot and
+killed by a sentry at the Ministry of Police, while attempting to
+escape from custody.
+
+A sentry on duty in the rear courtyard of the Ministry observed
+a man attempting to leave the building in a suspicious and furtive
+manner. This sentry, who was under the strictest orders to allow
+no one to enter or leave without written authorization, challenged
+him; when he attempted to run, the sentry fired his musket at him,
+bringing him down. At the shot, the Sergeant of the Guard rushed
+into the courtyard with his detail, and the man whom the sentry
+had shot was found to be the Englishman, Benjamin Bathurst. He had
+been hit in the chest with an ounce ball, and died before the
+doctor could arrive, and without recovering consciousness.
+
+An investigation revealed that the prisoner, who was confined
+on the third floor of the building, had fashioned a rope from his
+bedding, his bed cord, and the leather strap of his bell pull.
+This rope was only long enough to reach to the window of the
+office on the second floor, directly below, but he managed to
+enter this by kicking the glass out of the window. I am trying to
+find out how he could do this without being heard. I can assure
+you that somebody is going to smart for this night's work. As for
+the sentry, he acted within his orders; I have commended him for
+doing his duty, and for good shooting, and I assume full
+responsibility for the death of the prisoner at his hands.
+
+I have no idea why the self-so-called Benjamin Bathurst, who,
+until now, was well-behaved and seemed to take his confinement
+philosophically, should suddenly make this rash and fatal attempt,
+unless it was because of those infernal dunderheads of madhouse
+doctors who have been bothering him. Only this afternoon they
+deliberately handed him a bundle of newspapers--Prussian, Austrian,
+French, and English--all dated within the last month. They wanted
+they said, to see how he would react. Well, God pardon them,
+they've found out!
+
+What do you think should be done about giving the body burial?
+
+Krutz
+
+
+
+(From the British Minister, to the Count von Berchtenwald.)
+
+December 20th, 1809
+
+My dear Count von Berchtenwald:
+
+Reply from London to my letter of the 28th, which accompanied the
+dispatch case and the other papers, has finally come to hand. The
+papers which you wanted returned--the copies of the statements
+taken at Perleburg, the letter to the Baron von Krutz from the
+police captain, Hartenstein, and the personal letter of Krutz's
+nephew, Lieutenant von Tarlburg, and the letter of safe-conduct
+found in the dispatch case--accompany herewith. I don't know what
+the people at Whitehall did with the other papers; tossed them
+into the nearest fire, for my guess. Were I in your place, that's
+where the papers I am returning would go.
+
+I have heard nothing, yet, from my dispatch of the 29th concerning
+the death of the man who called himself Benjamin Bathurst, but I
+doubt very much if any official notice will ever be taken of it.
+Your government had a perfect right to detain the fellow, and,
+that being the case, he attempted to escape at his own risk. After
+all, sentries are not required to carry loaded muskets in order to
+discourage them from putting their hands in their pockets.
+
+To hazard a purely unofficial opinion, I should not imagine that
+London is very much dissatisfied with this denouement. His Majesty's
+government are a hard-headed and matter-of-fact set of gentry who do
+not relish mysteries, least of all mysteries whose solution may be
+more disturbing than the original problem.
+
+This is entirely confidential, but those papers which were in
+that dispatch case kicked up the devil's own row in London, with
+half the government bigwigs protesting their innocence to high
+Heaven, and the rest accusing one another of complicity in the
+hoax. If that was somebody's intention, it was literally a
+howling success. For a while, it was even feared that there would
+be questions in Parliament, but eventually, the whole vexatious
+business was hushed.
+
+You may tell Count Tarlburg's son that his little friend is a
+most talented young lady; her sketch was highly commended by no
+less an authority than Sir Thomas Lawrence, and here comes the
+most bedeviling part of a thoroughly bedeviled business. The
+picture was instantly recognized. It is a very fair likeness of
+Benjamin Bathurst, or, I should say, Sir Benjamin Bathurst, who
+is King's lieutenant governor for the Crown Colony of Georgia. As
+Sir Thomas Lawrence did his portrait a few years back, he is in
+an excellent position to criticize the work of Lieutenant von
+Tarlburg's young lady. However, Sir Benjamin Bathurst was known
+to have been in Savannah, attending to the duties of his office,
+and in the public eye, all the while that his double was in
+Prussia. Sir Benjamin does not have a twin brother. It has been
+suggested that this fellow might be a half-brother, but, as far
+as I know, there is no justification for this theory.
+
+The General Bonaparte, alias the Emperor Napoleon, who is given so
+much mention in the dispatches, seems also to have a counterpart
+in actual life; there is, in the French army, a Colonel of
+Artillery by that name, a Corsican who Gallicized his original
+name of Napolione Buonaparte. He is a most brilliant military
+theoretician; I am sure some of your own officers, like General
+Scharnhorst, could tell you about him. His loyalty to the French
+monarchy has never been questioned.
+
+This same correspondence to fact seems to crop up everywhere in
+that amazing collection of pseudo-dispatches and pseudo-State
+papers. The United States of America, you will recall, was the
+style by which the rebellious colonies referred to themselves, in
+the Declaration of Philadelphia. The James Madison who is
+mentioned as the current President of the United States is now
+living, in exile, in Switzerland. His alleged predecessor in
+office, Thomas Jefferson, was the author of the rebel Declaration;
+after the defeat of the rebels, he escaped to Havana, and died,
+several years ago, in the Principality of Lichtenstein.
+
+I was quite amused to find our old friend Cardinal
+Talleyrand--without the ecclesiastical title--cast in the role of
+chief adviser to the usurper, Bonaparte. His Eminence, I have
+always thought, is the sort of fellow who would land on his feet
+on top of any heap, and who would as little scruple to be Prime
+Minister to His Satanic Majesty as to His Most Christian Majesty.
+
+I was baffled, however, by one name, frequently mentioned in
+those fantastic papers. This was the English general, Wellington.
+I haven't the least idea who this person might be.
+
+I have the honor, your excellency, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera,
+
+Sir Arthur Wellesley
+
+
+THE END.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's He Walked Around the Horses, by Henry Beam Piper
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