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diff --git a/old/orig18575-h/p4.htm b/old/orig18575-h/p4.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..34163c2 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/orig18575-h/p4.htm @@ -0,0 +1,3935 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html lang="en"> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1"> +<title> +CENT NOUVELLES NOUVELLES, PART IV., STORIES 61-80 +</title> + +<style type="text/css"> + <!-- + body {background: #faebd7; text-align:justify} + P { margin:10%; + text-indent: 1em; + margin-top: .75em; + margin-bottom: .75em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; } + hr { width: 50%; } + hr.full { width: 100%; } + .foot { margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 95%; } + img {border: 0;} + HR { width: 33%; text-align: center; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%;} + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 10%; margin-left: 1%;} + CENTER { padding: 10px;} + PRE { font-size: 90%; margin-left: 20%;} + // --> +</style> + +</head> +<body> +<br /> + + +<center> +<big><b>PART IV., STORIES 61-80</b></big> +<br /> + + +<br /> + +<a href="#contents"><big><b>Table of Contents</b></big></a> +<br /><br /> + +<a href="#illustrations"><big><b>List of Illustrations</b></big></a> +</center> + + + +<center> +<table summary="" cellPadding=4 border=3> +<tr><td> + + <a href="p3.htm">Previous Part</a> +</td><td> + <a href="main.htm">Main Index</a> +</td><td> + <a href="p5.htm">Next Part</a> + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + +<br /> + +<a name="image-0001"><!--IMG--></a> +<center> +<img src="images/cover.jpg" height="955" width="616" +alt="Cover.jpg" title="Cover +"> +</center> + +<a name="image-0002"><!--IMG--></a> +<center> +<img src="images/spines.jpg" height="965" width="338" +alt="Spines.jpg" title="Spines +"> +</center> + +<a name="image-0003"><!--IMG--></a> +<center> +<img src="images/titlepage.jpg" height="934" width="667" +alt="Titlepage.jpg" title="Titlepage +"> +</center> + +<a name="2H_4_0001"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + ONE HUNDRED MERRIE AND DELIGHTSOME STORIES +</h2> +<h4> + Right Pleasaunte To Relate In All Goodly Companie By Way Of Joyance And Jollity +</h4> +<h1> +<i>LES CENT NOUVELLES NOUVELLES</i> +</h1> +<h4> +Now First Done Into The English Tongue By Robert B. Douglas +<br /> +<br /> + +Various Authors</h4> +<br /> +<br /> + + +<h2>Edited by Antoine de la Salle</h2> +<br /> +<br /> + +<h3>Illustrated by Léon Lebèque</h3> +<br /> +<br /> + +<h4> +Paris +<br /> +<br /> + +Charles Carrington +<br /> +<br /> + +13 Faubourg Montmartre +<br /> +<br /> + +1899 +</h4> + + + + +<br /> +<br /> +<hr> +<a name="contents"></a> +<br /> +<br /> + + +<h2>Contents</h2> + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + + +<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0061"> +STORY THE SIXTY-FIRST — CUCKOLDED—AND DUPED. [61] +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0062"> +STORY THE SIXTY-SECOND — THE LOST RING. +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0063"> +STORY THE SIXTY-THIRD — MONTBLERU; OR THE THIEF. [63] +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0064"> +STORY THE SIXTY-FOURTH — THE OVER-CUNNING CURÉ. [64] +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0065"> +STORY THE SIXTY-FIFTH — INDISCRETION REPROVED, BUT NOT PUNISHED. +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0066"> +STORY THE SIXTY-SIXTH — THE WOMAN AT THE BATH. +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0067"> +STORY THE SIXTY-SEVENTH — THE WOMAN WITH THREE HUSBANDS. +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0068"> +STORY THE SIXTY-EIGHTH — THE JADE DESPOILED. +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0069"> +STORY THE SIXTY-NINTH — THE VIRTUOUS LADY WITH TWO HUSBANDS. [69] +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0070"> +STORY THE SEVENTIETH — THE DEVIL'S HORN. +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0071"> +STORY THE SEVENTY-FIRST — THE CONSIDERATE CUCKOLD +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0072"> +STORY THE SEVENTY-SECOND — NECESSITY IS THE MOTHER OF INVENTION. +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0073"> +STORY THE SEVENTY-THIRD — THE BIRD IN THE CAGE. +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0074"> +STORY THE SEVENTY-FOURTH — THE OBSEQUIOUS PRIEST. +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0075"> +STORY THE SEVENTY-FIFTH — THE BAGPIPE. [75] +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0076"> +STORY THE SEVENTY-SIXTH — CAUGHT IN THE ACT. [76] +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0077"> +STORY THE SEVENTY-SEVENTH — THE SLEEVELESS ROBE. +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0078"> +STORY THE SEVENTY-EIGHTH — THE HUSBAND TURNED CONFESSOR. [78] +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0079"> +STORY THE SEVENTY-NINTH — THE LOST ASS FOUND. [79] +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0080"> +STORY THE EIGHTIETH — GOOD MEASURE! [80] +</a></p> + + + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + + + +<br /> +<br /> +<hr> +<a name="illustrations"></a> +<br /> +<br /> + + +<h2>List of Illustrations</h2> + +<center> +<table summary=""> +<tr><td> + +<p class="toc"><a href="#image-0037"> +61.jpg Cuckolded—and Duped. +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#image-0038"> +62.jpg The Lost Ring. +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#image-0039"> +65.jpg Indiscretion Reproved, But Not Punished. +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#image-0040"> +68.jpg The Jade Despoiled. +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#image-0041"> +71.jpg The Considerate Cuckold +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#image-0042"> +72.jpg Necessity is The MoTher of Invention. +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#image-0043"> +73.jpg The Bird in The Cage. +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#image-0044"> +76.jpg Caught in The Act. +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#image-0045"> +78.jpg The Husband Turned Confessor. +</a></p> +<p class="toc"><a href="#image-0046"> +80.jpg Good Measure! +</a></p> + + + +</td></tr> +</table> +</center> + + + +<br /> +<br /> +<hr> + +<a name="2H_TOC"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<br /> +<br /> + + +<h2> + DETAILED CONTENTS CONTENTS +</h2> + +<blockquote> + + +<br> +<a href="#2H_4_0061">STORY THE SIXTY-FIRST — CUCKOLDED—AND DUPED.</a> +<br> +<i>Of a merchant who locked up in a bin his wife's lover, and she secretly +<br> +put an ass there which caused her husband to be covered with confusion.</i> +<br> +<a href="#2H_4_0062">STORY THE SIXTY-SECOND — THE LOST RING.</a> +<br> +<i>Of two friends, one of whom left a diamond in the bed of his hostess, +<br> +where the other found it, from which there arose a great discussion +<br> +between them, which the husband of the said hostess settled in an +<br> +effectual manner.</i> +<br> +<a href="#2H_4_0063">STORY THE SIXTY-THIRD — MONTBLERU; OR THE THIEF.</a> +<br> +<i>Of one named Montbleru, who at a fair at Antwerp stole from his +<br> +companions their shirts and handkerchiefs, which they had given to the +<br> +servant-maid of their hostess to be washed; and how afterwards they +<br> +pardoned the thief, and then the said Montbleru told them the whole of +<br> +the story.</i> +<br> +<a href="#2H_4_0064">STORY THE SIXTY-FOURTH — THE OVER-CUNNING CURÉ.</a> +<br> +<i>Of a priest who would have played a joke upon a gelder named +<br> +Trenche-couille, but, by the connivance of his host, was himself +<br> +castrated.</i> +<br> +<a href="#2H_4_0065">STORY THE SIXTY-FIFTH — INDISCRETION REPROVED, BUT NOT PUNISHED.</a> +<br> +<i>Of a woman who heard her husband say that an innkeeper at Mont St. +<br> +Michel was excellent at copulating, so went there, hoping to try for +<br> +herself, but her husband took means to prevent it, at which she was much +<br> +displeased, as you will hear shortly.</i> +<br> +<a href="#2H_4_0066">STORY THE SIXTY-SIXTH — THE WOMAN AT THE BATH.</a> +<br> +<i>Of an inn-keeper at Saint Omer who put to his son a question for which +<br> +he was afterwards sorry when he heard the reply, at which his wife was +<br> +much ashamed, as you will hear, later.</i> +<br> +<a href="#2H_4_0067">STORY THE SIXTY-SEVENTH — THE WOMAN WITH THREE HUSBANDS</a> +<br> +<i>Of a "fur hat" of Paris, who wished to deceive a cobbler's wife, but +<br> +over-reached, himself, for he married her to a barber, and thinking that +<br> +he was rid of her, would have wedded another, but she prevented him, as +<br> +you will hear more plainly hereafter.</i> +<br> +<a href="#2H_4_0068">STORY THE SIXTY-EIGHTH — THE JADE DESPOILED.</a> +<br> +<i>Of a married man who found his wife with another man, and devised +<br> +means to get from her her money, clothes, jewels, and all, down to +<br> +her chemise, and then sent her away in that condition, as shall be +<br> +afterwards recorded.</i> +<br> +<a href="#2H_4_0069">STORY THE SIXTY-NINTH — THE VIRTUOUS LADY WITH TWO HUSBANDS.</a> +<br> +<i>Of a noble knight of Flanders, who was married to a beautiful and noble +<br> +lady. He was for many years a prisoner in Turkey, during which time his +<br> +good and loving wife was, by the importunities of her friends, induced +<br> +to marry another knight. Soon after she had remarried, she heard that +<br> +her husband had returned from Turkey, whereupon she allowed herself to +<br> +die of grief, because she had contracted a fresh marriage.</i> +<br> +<a href="#2H_4_0070">STORY THE SEVENTIETH — THE DEVIL'S HORN.</a> +<br> +<i>Of a noble knight of Germany, a great traveller in his time; who after +<br> +he had made a certain voyage, took a vow to never make the sign of +<br> +the Cross, owing to the firm faith and belief that he had in the holy +<br> +sacrament of baptism—in which faith he fought the devil, as you will +<br> +hear.</i> +<br> +<a href="#2H_4_0071">STORY THE SEVENTY-FIRST — THE CONSIDERATE CUCKOLD</a> +<br> +<i>Of a knight of Picardy, who lodged at an inn in the town of St. Omer, +<br> +and fell in lave with the hostess, with whom he was amusing himself—you +<br> +know how—when her husband discovered them; and how he behaved—as you +<br> +will shortly hear.</i> +<br> +<a href="#2H_4_0072">STORY THE SEVENTY-SECOND — NECESSITY IS THE MOTHER OF INVENTION.</a> +<br> +<i>Of a gentleman of Picardy who was enamoured of the wife of a knight his +<br> +neighbour; and how he obtained the lady's favours and was nearly caught +<br> +with her, and with great difficulty made his escape, as you will hear +<br> +later.</i> +<br> +<a href="#2H_4_0073">STORY THE SEVENTY-THIRD — THE BIRD IN THE CAGE.</a> +<br> +<i>Of a curé who was in love with the wife of one of his parishioners, +<br> +with whom the said curé was found by the husband of the woman, the +<br> +neighbours having given him warning—and how the curé escaped, as you +<br> +will hear.</i> +<br> +<a href="#2H_4_0074">STORY THE SEVENTY-FOURTH — THE OBSEQUIOUS PRIEST.</a> +<br> +<i>Of a priest of Boulogne who twice raised the body of Our Lord whilst +<br> +chanting a Mass, because he believed that the Seneschal of Boulogne +<br> +had come late to the Mass, and how he refused to take the Pax until the +<br> +Seneschal had done so, as you will hear hereafter.</i> +<br> +<a href="#2H_4_0075">STORY THE SEVENTY-FIFTH — THE BAGPIPE.</a> +<br> +<i>Of a hare-brained half-mad fellow who ran a great risk of being put +<br> +to death by being hanged on a gibbet in order to injure and annoy the +<br> +Bailly, justices, and other notables of the city of Troyes in Champagne +<br> +by whom he was mortally hated, as will appear more plainly hereafter.</i> +<br> +<a href="#2H_4_0076">STORY THE SEVENTY-SIXTH — CAUGHT IN THE ACT.</a> +<br> +<i>Of the chaplain to a knight of Burgundy who was enamoured of the wench +<br> +of the said knight, and of the adventure which happened on account of +<br> +his amour, as you will hear below.</i> +<br> +<a href="#2H_4_0077">STORY THE SEVENTY-SEVENTH — THE SLEEVELESS ROBE.</a> +<br> +<i>Of a gentleman of Flanders, who went to reside in France, but whilst he +<br> +was there his mother was very ill in Flanders; and how he often went +<br> +to visit her believing that she would die, and what he said and how he +<br> +behaved, as you will hear later.</i> +<br> +<a href="#2H_4_0078">STORY THE SEVENTY-EIGHTH — THE HUSBAND TURNED CONFESSOR.</a> +<br> +<i>Of a married gentleman who made many long voyages, during which time his +<br> +good and virtuous wife made the acquaintance of three good fellows, as +<br> +you will hear; and how she confessed her amours to her husband when he +<br> +returned from his travels, thinking she was confessing to the curé, and +<br> +how she excused herself, as will appear.</i> +<br> +<a href="#2H_4_0079">STORY THE SEVENTY-NINTH — THE LOST ASS FOUND.</a> +<br> +<i>Of a good man of Bourbonnais who went to seek the advice of a wise man +<br> +of that place about an ass that he had lost, and how he believed that he +<br> +miraculously recovered the said ass, as you will hear hereafter.</i> +<br> +<a href="#2H_4_0080">STORY THE EIGHTIETH — GOOD MEASURE!</a> +<br> +<i>Of a young German girl, aged fifteen or sixteen or thereabouts who was +<br> +married to a gentle gallant, and who complained that her husband had too +<br> +small an organ for her liking, because she had seen a young ass of only +<br> +six months old which had a bigger instrument than her husband, who was +<br> +24 or 26 years old.</i> + + + + + + +</blockquote> + +<br> + +<hr> +<a name="image-0037"><!--IMG--></a> +<center> +<img src="images/61.jpg" height="874" width="596" +alt="61.jpg" title="Cuckolded--and Duped. +"> +</center> + +<a name="2H_4_0061"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> +<br /> +<br /> +<center> +<img alt="61pg (134K)" src="images/61pg.jpg" height="951" width="603" /> +</center> +<br /> +<br /> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + STORY THE SIXTY-FIRST — CUCKOLDED—AND DUPED. <a href="#note-61" name="noteref-61">61</a> +</h2> +<h3> + By Poncelet. +</h3> +<blockquote><p> +<i>Of a merchant who locked up in a bin his wife's lover, and she secretly +put an ass there which caused her husband to be covered with confusion.</i> +</p></blockquote> +<p> +It happened once that in a large town of Hainault there lived a good +merchant married to a worthy woman. He travelled much, to buy and +sell his merchandise, and this caused his wife to have a lover in his +absence, and this continued for a long time. +</p> +<p> +Nevertheless, the secret was at last discovered by a neighbour, who was +a relative of the husband, and lived opposite the merchant's house, and +who often saw a gallant enter the merchant's house at night and leave in +the morning. Which matter was brought to the knowledge of the person to +whose prejudice it was, by this neighbour. +</p> +<p> +The merchant was much vexed, nevertheless he thanked his relative and +neighbour, and said that he would shortly see into the matter, and for +that purpose would shut himself up one night in his neighbour's house, +that he might see if anyone visited his wife. +</p> +<p> +Lastly, he pretended to start on a journey, and told his wife and his +servants that he did not know when he should return. He started in the +early morning, but returned the same evening, and having left his horse +at some house, came secretly to his cousin, and peeped through a little +lattice, expecting to see that which would hardly have pleased him. +</p> +<p> +He waited till about nine o'clock, when the gallant, whom the damsel +had informed that her husband was away, passed once or twice before his +lady-love's house, and looked at the door to see if he might enter, +but found it closed. He guessed that it was not yet time, and whilst he +strolled about waiting, the good merchant, who thought that this was the +man he wanted, came down, and went to his door, and said, +</p> +<p> +"Friend, the lady heard you, and as she is afraid that the master may +come back, she sent me down to let you in, if you please." +</p> +<p> +The gallant, thinking it was the servant, followed him, the door was +opened gently, and he was conducted into a chamber in which there was +a large bin, which the merchant unlocked and made the young man enter, +that he should not be discovered if the husband returned. "My mistress +will come and talk to you and let you out," added the merchant as he +turned the key in the lock. +</p> +<p> +The gallant suffered all this for the sake of what was to follow, and +because he believed that the other spoke the truth. +</p> +<p> +Then the merchant started off at once as quickly as he could, and went +to the cousin and his wife, and said to them: +</p> +<p> +"The rat is caught; but now we must consider what to do." +</p> +<p> +The cousin, and more particularly his wife—for there was no love lost +between the two women—were very glad to hear this, and said that it +would be best for him to show the gallant to all his wife's relations in +order that they might know how she conducted herself. +</p> +<p> +This being determined on, the merchant went to the house of his wife's +father and mother, and told them that if ever they wished to see their +daughter alive they must come at once to his house. +</p> +<p> +They jumped up at once, and, whilst they were preparing, he also went +off to two of her brothers and her sisters, and told them the same +thing. Then he took them all to the cousin's house, and related the +whole history, and how the rat had been caught. +</p> +<p> +Now you must know what the gallant did in the bin all the time, until +he was luckily released. The damsel, who wondered greatly that her lover +did not come, went backwards and forwards to the door, to see if he +were coming. The young man, who heard her pass close to him without ever +speaking to him, began to thump with his fist on the side of the bin. +The damsel heard it, and was greatly frightened; nevertheless she asked +who was there, and the gallant replied; +</p> +<p> +"Alas, my dearest love, I am dying here of heat and doubt, for I am much +surprised that I have been shut in here, and that no one has yet come to +me." +</p> +<p> +"Virgin Mary! who can have put you there, my dear?" +</p> +<p> +"By my oath I know not," he replied; "but your varlet came to me and +told me that you had asked him to bring me into the house, and that +I was to get into this bin, that the husband might not find me if by +chance he should come back to-night." +</p> +<p> +"Ah!" said she, "by my life that must have been my husband. I am a lost +woman; and our secret has been discovered." +</p> +<p> +"Do you know what is to be done?" he said. "In the first place you must +let me out, or I will break everything, for I can no longer endure being +shut up." +</p> +<p> +"By my oath!" said the damsel, "I have not the key; and if you break +through, I am undone, for my husband will say that I did it to save +you." +</p> +<p> +Finally, the damsel searched about, and found a lot of old keys, amongst +which was one that delivered the poor captive. As soon as he was out, +he tumbled the lady, to show her what a grudge he had against her, which +she bore patiently. After that her lover would have left her, but the +damsel hung round his neck, and told him that if he went away like that, +she would be as much dishonoured as though he had broken out of the bin. +</p> +<p> +"What is to be done then?" said the gallant. +</p> +<p> +"We must put something there for my husband to find, or he will think +that I have let you out." +</p> +<p> +"And what shall we put there?" asked the lover. "For it is time for me +to go." +</p> +<p> +"We have in the stable," she said, "an ass, that we will put in if you +will help me." +</p> +<p> +"Certainly, I will," he answered. +</p> +<p> +The ass was driven into the bin, and it was locked again, and then her +lover took leave of her with a sweet kiss, and left by a back-door, +whilst the damsel quickly got into bed. +</p> +<p> +Whilst these things were happening, her husband had assembled all his +wife's relatives, and brought them to his cousin's house, as has been +said, where he informed them of what he had done, and how he had caught +the gallant, and had him under lock and key. +</p> +<p> +"And in order that you shall not say," he added, "that I blame your +daughter without cause, you shall both see and touch the scoundrel who +has done us this dishonour, and I beg that he may be killed before he +can get away." +</p> +<p> +Every one present declared that it should be so. +</p> +<p> +"And then," said the merchant, "I will send you back your daughter for +such as she is." +</p> +<p> +With that they all accompanied him, though sorrowing much at the news, +and they took with them torches and flambeaux, so as to be better able +to search, and that nothing should escape them. +</p> +<p> +They knocked so loudly that the damsel came before anyone else in the +house was awakened, and opened the door, and when they had come in, she +abused her husband, her father, her mother, and the others, and declared +that she wondered greatly what could have brought them all at that hour +of the night. At these words her husband stepped forward, and gave her a +good buffet, and said, +</p> +<p> +"You shall know soon enough, false such and such that you are." +</p> +<p> +"Ah! take care what you say. Was it for that you brought my father and +mother here?" +</p> +<p> +"Yes," said the mother, "false wench that you are. We will drag forth +your paramour directly." +</p> +<p> +And her sisters said, +</p> +<p> +"By God, sister you did not learn at home to behave like this." +</p> +<p> +"Sisters," she replied, "by all the saints of Rome, I have done nothing +that a good woman should not do. I should like to see anyone prove the +contrary." +</p> +<p> +"You lie!" said her husband. "I can prove it at once, and the rascal +shall be killed in your presence. Up quickly! and open me this bin." +</p> +<p> +"I?" she replied. "In truth I think you must be dreaming, or out of your +senses, for you know well that I have never had the key, but that it +hangs at your belt along with the others, ever since the time that you +locked up your goods. If you want to open it, open it. But I pray to God +that, as truly as I have never kept company with whoever is in that box, +that He will deliver me, to my great joy, and that the evil spite that +you have against me may be clearly proved and demonstrated—and I have +full hope and confidence that it will be so." +</p> +<p> +"And I hope," said her husband, addressing the crowd, "that you will see +her on her knees, weeping and groaning, and squalling like a drenched +cat. She would deceive anybody who was fool enough to believe her, but +I have suspected her for a long time past. Now I am going to unlock the +bin, and I beg you, gentlemen, to lay hands on the scoundrel, that he +escape us not, for he is strong and bold." +</p> +<p> +"Have no fear!" they cried in chorus. "We will give a good account of +him." +</p> +<p> +"With that they drew their swords, and brandished their hammers to knock +down the poor lover, and they shouted to him, +</p> +<p> +"Confess your sins! for you will never have a priest nearer you." +</p> +<p> +The mother and sisters, not wishing to witness the murder, drew on one +side, and then the good man opened the bin, and as soon as the ass saw +the light, it began to bray so hideously that the boldest person there +was affrighted. +</p> +<p> +And when they saw that it was an ass, and that they had been befooled, +they cursed the merchant, and showered more abuse on him than ever St. +Peter had praise, and even the women inveighed against him. In fact, if +he had not fled, his wife's brothers would have killed him, in revenge +for the blame and dishonour he had wrongly tried to bring on the family. +</p> +<p> +There was such ado between him and his wife's family that peace had to +be made between them by the chief burghers of the town, and this was +not effected without much trouble, and many demands on the part of her +friends, and many strict promises on his part. But ever after that he +was all kindness and consideration, and never did a man conduct himself +better to his wife than he did all his life; and thus they passed their +days together. +</p> +<hr> +<a name="image-0038"><!--IMG--></a> +<center> +<img src="images/62.jpg" height="887" width="598" +alt="62.jpg" title="The Lost Ring. +"> +</center> + +<a name="2H_4_0062"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> +<br /> +<br /> +<center> +<img alt="62pg (135K)" src="images/62pg.jpg" height="938" width="590" /> +</center> +<br /> +<br /> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + STORY THE SIXTY-SECOND — THE LOST RING. +</h2> +<h3> + By Monseigneur De Commesuram. +</h3> +<blockquote><p> +<i>Of two friends, one of whom left a diamond in the bed of his hostess, +where the other found it, from which there arose a great discussion +between them, which the husband of the said hostess settled in an +effectual manner.</i> +</p></blockquote> +<p> +About the month of July (*) a great meeting and assembly was held +between Calais and Gravelines, and near the castle of Oye, at which were +assembled many princes and great lords, both of France and of England, +to consider the question of the ransom of the Duke of Orléans, (**) then +prisoner to the king of England. Amongst the English representatives +was the Cardinal of Winchester, who had come to the said assembly in +great and noble state, with many knights, and squires and ecclesiastics. +</p> +<pre> + (*) 1440. + + (**) Charles, Duke of Orléans, was taken prisoner at the + battle of Agincourt in 1415, and, as his ransom was not + forthcoming was detained a captive for 25 years, when the + Duke and Duchess of Burgundy intervened to procure his + freedom. Cardinal Beaufort, Bishop of Winchester, accepted a + ransom of 200,000 gold crowns, payment of which was + guaranteed by the Dauphin of France, Duke Philip of + Burgundy, and other princes, with the consent of the King of + France. The agreement was signed 22 Nov. 1440. +</pre> +<p> +And amongst the other noblemen were two named John Stockton, squire, and +carver, and Thomas Brampton, cup-bearer to the said Cardinal—which said +John and Thomas loved each other like two brothers, for their clothes, +harness, and arms were always as nearly alike as possible, and they +usually shared the same room and the said bed, and never was there heard +any quarrel, dispute, or misunderstanding between them. +</p> +<p> +When the said Cardinal arrived at the said town of Calais, there was +hired for him to lodge the said noblemen, the house of Richard Fery, +which is the largest house in the town of Calais, and it is the custom +of all great lords passing through the town to lodge there. +</p> +<p> +The said Richard was married to a Dutchwoman; who was beautiful, +courteous, and well accustomed to receive guests. +</p> +<p> +While the treaty was being discussed, which was for more than two +months, John Stockton and Thomas Brampton, who were both of the age +of 26 or 28 years, wore bright crimson clothes, (*) and were ready for +feats of arms by night or day—during this time, I say, notwithstanding +the intimacy and friendship which existed between these two +brothers-in-arms, the said John Stockton, unknown to the said Thomas, +found means to visit their hostess, and often conversed with her, and +paid her many of those attentions customary in love affairs, and finally +was emboldened to ask the said hostess if he might be her friend, and +she would be his lady-love. +</p> +<pre> + (*) Shakespeare several times in the course of the First + Part of Henry VI mentions "the tawny robes of Winchester." + Which is right? +</pre> +<p> +To which, as though pretending to be astonished at such a request, she +replied coldly that she did not hate him, or anyone, nor wish to, but +that she loved all the world as far as in honour she could, but if she +rightly understood his request, she could not comply with it without +great danger of dishonour and scandal, and perhaps risk to her life, and +for nothing in the world would she consent thereto. +</p> +<p> +John replied that she might very well grant his request, for that he +would rather perish, and be tormented in the other world, than that she +should be dishonoured by any fault of his, and that she was in no wise +to suspect that her honour would not be safe in his keeping, and he +again begged her to grant him this favour, and always deem him her +servant and loving friend. +</p> +<p> +She pretended to tremble, and replied that truly he made all the blood +freeze in her veins, such fear and dread had she of doing that which he +asked. Then he approached her and requested a kiss, which the ladies and +damsels of the said country of England are ready enough to grant, (*) +and kissing her, begged her tenderly not to be afraid, for no person +living should ever be made acquainted with what passed between them. +</p> +<pre> + (*) Is this a libel on the English ladies of the 16th + century, or is it true—as Bibliophile Jacob asserts in the + foot-note to this passage—that "English prudery is a + daughter of the Reformation?" +</pre> +<p> +Then she said; +</p> +<p> +"I see that there is no escape, and that I must do as you wish, and as +this must be so, in order to guard my honour, let me tell you that a +regulation has been made by all the lords now living in Calais that +every householder shall watch one night a week on the town walls. But as +my husband has done so much, either himself or by his friends, for the +lords and noblemen of the Cardinal, your master, who lodge here, he has +only to watch half the night, and he will do so on Thursday next, from +the time the bell rings in the evening until midnight; and whilst my +husband is away on his watch, if you have anything to say to me, you +will find me in my chamber, quite willing to listen to you, and along +with my maid;"—who was quite ready to perform whatever her mistress +wished. +</p> +<p> +John Stockton was much pleased with this answer, and thanked his +hostess, and told her that it would not be his fault if he did not come +at the appointed hour. +</p> +<p> +This conversation took place on the Monday, after dinner. But it should +here be stated that Thomas Brampton had, unknown to his friend John +Stockton, made similar requests to their hostess, but she would not +grant his desire, but now raised his hopes and then dashed them to the +ground, saying that he must have but a poor idea of her virtue, and +that, if she did what he wished, she was sure that her husband and his +relations and friends would take her life. +</p> +<p> +To this Thomas replied; +</p> +<p> +"My beloved mistress and hostess, I am a nobleman, and for no +consideration would I bring upon you blame or dishonour, or I should be +unworthy of the name of a gentleman. Believe me, that I would guard your +honour as I do my own, and would rather die than reveal your secret; and +that there is no friend or other person in the world, however dear to +me, to whom I would relate our love-affair." +</p> +<p> +She, therefore, noting the great affection and desire of the said +Thomas, told him, on the Wednesday following the day on which she had +given John the gracious reply recorded above—that, as he had a great +desire to do her any service, she would not be so ungrateful as not to +repay him. And then she told him how it was arranged that her husband +should watch the morrow night, like the other chief householders of the +town, in compliance with the regulation made by the lords then staying +in Calais. But as—thank God—her husband had powerful friends to speak +to the Cardinal for him, he had only to watch half the night, that is to +say from midnight till the morning, and that if Thomas wished to speak +to her during that time, she would gladly hear him, but, for God's sake +let him come so secretly that no blame could attach to her. +</p> +<p> +Thomas replied that he desired nothing better, and with that he took +leave of her. +</p> +<p> +On the morrow, which was Thursday, at vespers, after the bell had rung +for the watch, John Stockton did not forget to appear at the hour his +hostess had appointed. He went to her chamber, and found her there quite +alone, and she received him and made him welcome, for the table was +laid. +</p> +<p> +John requested that he might sup with her, that they might the better +talk together,—which she would not at first grant, saying that it might +cause scandal if he were found with her. But she finally gave way, and +the supper—which seemed to John to take a long time—being finished, he +embraced his hostess, and they enjoyed themselves together, both naked. +</p> +<p> +Before he entered the chamber, he had put on one of his fingers, a gold +ring set with a large fine diamond, of the value of, perhaps, thirty +nobles. And in playing together, the ring slipped from his finger in the +bed without his knowing it. +</p> +<p> +When it was about 11 o'clock, the damsel begged him kindly to dress and +leave, that he might not be found by her husband, whom she expected as +soon as midnight sounded, and that he would guard her honour as he had +promised. +</p> +<p> +He, supposing that her husband would return soon, rose, dressed, +and left the chamber as soon as the clock struck twelve, and without +remembering the diamond he had left in the bed. +</p> +<p> +Not far from the door of the chamber John Stockton met Thomas Brampton, +whom he mistook for his host, Richard. Thomas,—who had come at the hour +the lady appointed,—made a similar mistake, and took John Stockton for +Richard, and waited a few moments to see which way he would go. +</p> +<p> +Having watched the other disappear, Thomas went to the chamber, found +the door ajar, and entered. The lady pretended to be much frightened and +alarmed, and asked Thomas, with doubt and fear, whether he had met her +husband who had just left to join the watch? He replied that he had met +a man, but did not know whether it was her husband or another, and had +waited a little in order to see which way he would go. +</p> +<p> +When she heard this, she kissed him boldly, and told him he was welcome, +and Thomas, without more ado, laid her on the bed and tumbled her. When +she found what manner of man he was, she made haste to undress, and he +also, and they both got into bed, and sacrificed to the god of love, and +broke several lances. +</p> +<p> +But in performing these feats, Thomas met with an adventure, for he +suddenly felt under his thigh, the diamond that John Stockton had left +there, and without saying anything, or evincing any surprise, he picked +it up, and put it on his finger. +</p> +<p> +They remained together until the morning, when the watch bell was about +to ring, when, at the request of the damsel he rose, but before he +left they embraced with a long, loving kiss. He had scarcely gone when +Richard came off the watch, on which he had been all night, very cold +and sleepy, and found his wife just getting up. She made him a fire, and +then he went to bed, for he had worked all night,—and so had his wife +though not in the same fashion. +</p> +<p> +It is the custom of the English, after they have heard Mass, to +breakfast at a tavern, with the best wine; and about two days after +these events, John and Thomas were in a company of other gentlemen and +merchants, who were breakfasting together, and Stockton and Brampton +were seated opposite each other. +</p> +<p> +Whilst they were eating, John looked at Thomas, and saw on one of +his fingers the diamond. He gazed at it a long time, and came to the +conclusion that it was the ring he had lost, he did not know where or +when, and he begged Thomas to show him the diamond, who accordingly +handed it to him, and when he had it in his hand he saw that it was his +own, and told Thomas so, and asked him how he came by it. To this Thomas +replied that it belonged to <i>him</i>. Stockton maintained, on the contrary, +that he had lost it but a short time before, and that if Thomas had +found it in the chamber where they slept, it was not right of him to +keep it, considering the affection and fraternity which had always +existed between them. High words ensued, and both were angry and +indignant with each other. +</p> +<p> +Thomas wished to get the diamond back, but could not obtain it. When +the other gentlemen and merchants heard the dispute, all tried to bring +about a reconciliation, but it was no good, for he who had lost the +diamond would not let it out of his hands, and he who had found it +wanted it back, as a memento of his love-encounter with his mistress, so +that it was difficult to settle the dispute. +</p> +<p> +Finally, one of the merchants, seeing that all attempts to make up the +quarrel were useless, said that he had hit upon a plan with which both +John and Thomas ought to be satisfied, but he would not say what it was +unless both parties promised, under a penalty of ten nobles, to abide +by what he said. All the company declared that the merchant had spoken +well, and persuaded John and Thomas to abide by this decision, which +they at last consented to do. +</p> +<p> +The merchant ordered the diamond to be placed in his hands, then that +all those who had tried to settle the difference should be silent, and +that they should leave the house where they were, and the first man they +met, whatever his rank or condition should be told the whole matter of +the dispute between the said John and Thomas, and, whatever he decided, +his verdict should be accepted without demur by both parties. +</p> +<p> +Thereupon all the company left the house, and the first person they met +was Richard, the host of both disputants, to whom the merchant narrated +the whole of the dispute. +</p> +<p> +Richard—after he had heard all, and had asked those, who were present +if the account was correct, and the two were unwilling to let +this dispute be settled by so many notable persons,—delivered his +verdict—namely that the diamond should remain his, and that neither of +the parties should have it. +</p> +<p> +When Thomas saw himself deprived of the diamond he had found, he was +much vexed; and most probably so also was John Stockton, who had lost +it. +</p> +<p> +Then Thomas requested all the company, except their host, to return to +the house where they had breakfasted, and he would give them a dinner in +order that they might hear how the diamond had come into his hands, +to which they all agreed. And whilst the dinner was being prepared, +he related the conversation he had had with his hostess, how she had +appointed him an hour for him to visit her, whilst her husband was out +with the watch, and how the diamond was found. +</p> +<p> +When John Stockton heard this he was astonished, and declared that +exactly the same had occurred to him, and on the same night, and that +he was convinced that he must have dropped his diamond where Thomas had +found it, and that it was far worse for him to lose it than it was for +Thomas, for it had cost him dear, whereas Thomas had lost nothing. +</p> +<p> +To which Thomas replied that he ought not to complain that their host +had adjudged it to be his, considering what their hostess had had to +suffer, and that he (John) had had first innings, whilst Thomas had had +to act as his page or squire, and come after him. +</p> +<p> +So John Stockton was tolerably reconciled to the loss of his ring, since +he could not otherwise help it. And all those who were present laughed +loudly at the story of this adventure; and after they had all dined, +each returned whithersoever he wished. +</p> +<hr> +<a name="2H_4_0063"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> +<br /> +<br /> +<center> +<img alt="63pg (142K)" src="images/63pg.jpg" height="949" width="603" /> +</center> +<br /> +<br /> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + STORY THE SIXTY-THIRD — MONTBLERU; OR THE THIEF. <a href="#note-63" name="noteref-63">63</a> +</h2> +<h3> + By G. De Montbleru. +</h3> +<blockquote><p> +<i>Of one named Montbleru, who at a fair at Antwerp stole from his +companions their shirts and handkerchiefs, which they had given to the +servant-maid of their hostess to be washed; and how afterwards they +pardoned the thief, and then the said Montbleru told them the whole of +the story.</i> +</p></blockquote> +<p> +Montbleru found himself about two years ago at the fair of Antwerp, in +the company of Monseigneur d'Estampes, who paid all his expenses—which +was much to the liking of Montbleru. +</p> +<p> +One day amongst others, by chance he met Masters Ymbert de Playne, +Roland Pipe, and Jehan Le Tourneur, who were having a merry time; and +as he is pleasant and obliging, as everyone knows, they desired his +company, and begged him to come and lodge with them, and then they would +have a merrier time than ever. +</p> +<p> +Montbleru at first excused himself, on the ground that he ought not to +quit Monseigneur d'Estampes who had brought him there; +</p> +<p> +"And there is a very good reason," he said, "for he pays all my +expenses." +</p> +<p> +Nevertheless, he was willing to leave Monseigneur d'Estampes if the +others would pay his expenses, and they, who desired nothing better than +his company, willingly and heartily agreed to this. And now hear how he +paid them out. +</p> +<p> +These three worthy lords, Masters Ymbert, Roland, and Jehan Le Tourneur, +stayed at Antwerp longer than they expected when they left Court, and +each had brought but one shirt, and these and their handkerchiefs etc. +became dirty, which was a great inconvenience to them, for the weather +was very hot, it being Pentecost. So they gave them to the servant-maid +at their lodgings to wash, one Saturday night when they went to bed, and +they were to have them clean the following morning when they rose. +</p> +<p> +But Montbleru was on the watch. When the morning came, the maid, who +had washed the shirts and handkerchiefs, and dried them, and folded them +neatly and nicely, was called away by her mistress to go to the butcher +to seek provisions for the dinner. She did as her mistress ordered, and +left all these clothes in the kitchen, on a stool, expecting to find +them on her return, but in this she was disappointed, for Montbleru, +when he awoke and saw it was day, got out of bed, and putting on a +dressing gown over his shirt, went downstairs. +</p> +<p> +He went into the kitchen, where there was not a living soul, but only +the shirts, handkerchiefs, and other articles, asking to be taken. +Montbleru saw his opportunity, and took them, but was much puzzled to +know where he could hide them. Once he thought of putting them amongst +the big copper pots and pans which were in the kitchen; then of hiding +them up his sleeve; but finally he concealed them in the hay in the +stable, with a big heap of straw on the top, and that being done, he +returned to bed and lay down by the side of Jehan Le Tourneur. +</p> +<p> +When the servant maid came back from the butcher's, she could not find +the shirts, at which she was much vexed, and she asked everybody she met +if they had seen them? They all told her they knew nothing about them, +and God knows what a time she had. Then came the servants of these +worthy lords, who expected the shirts and were afraid to go to their +masters without them, and grew angry because the shirts could not be +found, and so did the host, and the hostess, and the maid. +</p> +<p> +When it was about nine o'clock, these good lords called their servants, +but none of them answered, for they were afraid to tell their masters +about the loss of their shirts; but at last, however, when it was +between 11 and 12 o'clock, the host came, and the servants, and told +the gentlemen how their shirts had been stolen, at which news two of +them—Masters Ymbert and Roland—lost patience, but Jehan Le Tourneur +took it easily, and did nothing but laugh, and called Montbleru, who +pretended to be asleep, but who heard and knew all, and said to him, +</p> +<p> +"Montbleru, we are all in a nice mess. They have stolen our shirts." +</p> +<p> +"Holy Mary! what do you say?" replied Montbleru, pretending to be only +just awake. "That is bad news." +</p> +<p> +When they had discussed the robbery of their shirts for a long +time—Montbleru well knew who was the thief—these worthy lords said; +</p> +<p> +"It is late, and we have not yet heard Mass, and it is Sunday, and we +cannot very well go without a shirt. What is to be done?" +</p> +<p> +"By my oath!" said the host, "I know of nothing better than to lend you +each one of my shirts, such as they are. They are not as good as yours, +but they are clean, and there is nothing better to be done." +</p> +<p> +They were obliged to take their host's shirts which were too short and +too small, and made of hard, rough linen, and God knows they were a +pretty sight in them. +</p> +<p> +They were soon ready, thank God, but it was so late that they did not +know where they could hear Mass. Then said Montbleru, in his familiar +way, +</p> +<p> +"As for hearing Mass, it is too late to-day; but I know a church in this +town where at least, we shall not fail to see God." +</p> +<p> +"That is better than nothing," said the worthy lords. "Come, come! let +us get away, for it is very late, and to lose our shirts, and not to +hear Mass to-day would be a double misfortune; and it is time we went to +church if we want to hear Mass." +</p> +<p> +Montbleru took them to the principal church in Antwerp, where there is +a God on an ass (*). +</p> +<pre> + (*) A picture or bas-relief, representing Christ's entry + into Jerusalem, is probably meant. +</pre> +<p> +When they had each said a paternoster, they said to Montbleru, "Where +shall we see God?" +</p> +<p> +"I will show you," he replied. Then he showed them God mounted on an +ass, and added, "You will never fail to find Him here at whatever hour +you come." +</p> +<p> +They began to laugh in spite of the discomfort their shirts caused them. +Then they went back to dinner, and were after that I know not how many +days at Antwerp, and left without their shirts, for Montbleru had hidden +them in a safe place, and afterwards sold them for five gold crowns. +</p> +<p> +Now God so willed that in the first week of Lent, Montbleru was at +dinner with the three worthy gentlemen before named, and in the course +of his talk he reminded them of the shirts they had lost at Antwerp, and +said, +</p> +<p> +"Alas, the poor thief who robbed you will be damned for that, unless God +and you pardon him. Do you bear him any ill-will?" +</p> +<p> +"By God!" said Master Ymbert, "my dear sir, I have thought no more about +it,—I had forgotten it long since." +</p> +<p> +"At least," said Montbleru, "you pardon him, do you not?" +</p> +<p> +"By St. John!" he replied, "I would not have him damned for my sake." +</p> +<p> +"By my oath, that is well said," answered Montbleru. "And you Master +Roland,—do you also pardon him?" +</p> +<p> +After a good deal of trouble, he agreed to pardon the thief, but as the +theft rankled in his mind, he found the word hard to pronounce. +</p> +<p> +"And will you also pardon him, Master Roland?" said Montbleru. "What +will you gain by having a poor thief damned for a wretched shirt and +handkerchief?" +</p> +<p> +"Truly I pardon him," said he. "He is quit as far as I am concerned, +since there is nothing else to be done." +</p> +<p> +"By my oath, you are a good man," said Montbleru. +</p> +<p> +Then came the turn of Jehan Le Tourneur. Montbleru said to him, +</p> +<p> +"Now, Jehan, you will not be worse than the others. Everything will be +pardoned to this poor stealer of shirts unless you object." +</p> +<p> +"I don't object," he replied. "I have long since pardoned him, and I +will give him absolution into the bargain." +</p> +<p> +"You could not say more," rejoined Montbleru, "and by my oath I am +greatly obliged to you for having pardoned the thief who stole your +shirts, as far as I personally am concerned, for I am the thief who +stole your shirts at Antwerp. So I profit by your free pardon, and thank +you for it, as I ought to do." +</p> +<p> +When Montbleru confessed this theft, and had been forgiven by all the +party as you have heard, it need not be asked if Masters Ymbert, Roland, +and Jehan Le Tourneur were astonished, for they had never suspected +that it was Montbleru who had played that trick upon them, and they +reproached him playfully with the theft. But he, knowing his company, +excused himself cleverly for having played such a joke upon them, +and told them that it was his custom to take whatever he found +unprotected,—especially with people like them. +</p> +<p> +They only laughed, but asked him how he had managed to effect the theft, +and he told them the whole story, and said also that he had made five +crowns out of his booty, after which they asked him no more. +</p> +<hr> +<a name="2H_4_0064"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> +<br /> +<br /> +<center> +<img alt="64pg (133K)" src="images/64pg.jpg" height="950" width="599" /> +</center> +<br /> +<br /> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + STORY THE SIXTY-FOURTH — THE OVER-CUNNING CURÉ. <a href="#note-64" name="noteref-64">64</a> +</h2> +<h3> + By Michault De Changy. +</h3> +<blockquote><p> +<i>Of a priest who would have played a joke upon a gelder named +Trenche-couille, but, by the connivance of his host, was himself +castrated.</i> +</p></blockquote> +<p> +There formerly lived in this country, in a place that I have a good +reason for not mentioning (if any should recognise it, let him be silent +as I am) a curé who was over-fond of confessing his female parishioners. +In fact, there was not one who had not had to do with him, especially +the young ones—for the old he did not care. +</p> +<p> +When he had long carried on this holy life and virtuous exercise, and +his fame had spread through all the country round, he was punished +in the way that you will hear, by one of his parishioners, to whom, +however, he had done nothing concerning his wife. +</p> +<p> +He was one day at dinner, and enjoying himself, at the inn kept by his +parishioner, and as they were in the midst of their dinner, there came +a man named Trenchecouille, whose business it was to cut cattle, pull +teeth, and other matters, and who had come to the inn for one of these +purposes. +</p> +<p> +The host received him well, and asked him to sit down, and, without +being much pressed, he sat down with the curé and the others, to eat. +</p> +<p> +The curé, who was a great joker, began to talk to this gelder and asked +him a hundred thousand questions about his business, and the gelder +replied as he best could. +</p> +<p> +At the end, the curé turned to the host, and whispered in his ear, +</p> +<p> +"Shall we play a trick upon this gelder?" +</p> +<p> +"Oh, yes, let us," replied the host. "But how shall we do it?" +</p> +<p> +"By my oath," said the curé, "we will play him a pretty trick, if you +will help me." +</p> +<p> +"I am quite willing," replied the host. +</p> +<p> +"I will tell you what we will do," said the curé. "I will pretend to +have a pain in the testicle, and bargain with him to cut it out; then I +will be bound and laid on the table all ready, and when he comes near to +cut me, I will jump up and show him my backside." +</p> +<p> +"That is well said," replied my host, who at once saw what he had to +do. "We shall never hit on anything better. We will all help you with +the joke." +</p> +<p> +"Very well," said the curé. +</p> +<p> +After this the curé began again to rally the gelder, and at last told +him that he had want of a man like him, for that he had a testicle all +diseased and rotten, and would like to find a man who would extract it, +and he said it so quietly and calmly that the gelder believed him, and +replied; +</p> +<p> +"Monsieur le curé, I would have you know that without either disparaging +myself or boasting, there is not a man in this country who can do the +job better than I can, and for the sake of the host here, I will do my +best to satisfy you." +</p> +<p> +"Truly, that is well said;" replied the curé. +</p> +<p> +In short, all was agreed, and when the dinner had been removed, the +gelder began to make his preparations, and on the other hand the curé +prepared to play the practical joke, (which was to turn out no joke for +him) and told the host and the others what they were to do. +</p> +<p> +Whilst these preparations were being made on both sides, the host went +to the gelder, and said, +</p> +<p> +"Take care, and, whatever the priest may say, cut out both his +testicles, clean,—and fail not, if you value your carcass." +</p> +<p> +"By St. Martin, I will," replied the gelder, "since you wish it. I have +ready a knife so sharp that I will present you with his testicles before +he has time to say a word." +</p> +<p> +"We shall see what you can do," said the host, "but if you fail, I will +never again have anything to do with you." +</p> +<p> +All being ready, the table was brought, and the curé, in his doublet, +pretended to be in great pain, and promised a bottle of good wine to the +gelder. +</p> +<p> +The host and his servants laid hold of the curé so that he could not get +away, and for better security they tied him tightly, and told him that +was to make the joke better, and that they would let him go when he +wished, and he like a fool believed them. Then came the brave gelder, +having a little rasor concealed in his hand, and began to feel the +cure's testicles. +</p> +<p> +"In the devil's name," said the curé, "do it well and with one cut. +Touch them first as you can, and afterwards I will tell you which one I +want taken out." +</p> +<p> +"Very well," he replied, and lifting up the shirt, took hold of the +testicles, which were big and heavy and without enquiring which was the +bad one, cut them both out at a single stroke. +</p> +<p> +The good curé began to yell, and make more ado than ever man made. +</p> +<p> +"Hallo, hallo!" said the host; "have patience. What is done, is done. +Let us bandage you up." +</p> +<p> +The gelder did all that was necessary, and then went away, expecting a +handsome present from the host. +</p> +<p> +It need not be said that the curé was much grieved at this deprivation, +and he reviled the host, who was the cause of the mischief, but God +knows he excused himself well, and said that if the gelder had not +disappeared so quickly, he would have served him so that he would never +have cut any one again. +</p> +<p> +"As you imagine," he said, "I am greatly grieved at your misfortune, and +still more that it should have happened in my inn." +</p> +<p> +The news soon spread through the town, and it need not be said that many +damsels were vexed to find themselves deprived of the cure's instrument, +but on the other hand the long-suffering husbands were so happy that I +could neither speak nor write the tenth part of their joy. +</p> +<p> +Thus, as you have heard, was the curé, who had deceived and duped so +many others, punished. Never after that did he dare to show himself +amongst men, but soon afterwards ended in grief and seclusion his +miserable life. +</p> +<hr> +<a name="image-0039"><!--IMG--></a> +<center> +<img src="images/65.jpg" height="886" width="612" +alt="65.jpg" title=" Indiscretion Reproved, But Not Punished. +"> +</center> + +<a name="2H_4_0065"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> +<br /> +<br /> +<center> +<img alt="65pg (139K)" src="images/65pg.jpg" height="947" width="594" /> +</center> +<br /> +<br /> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + STORY THE SIXTY-FIFTH — INDISCRETION REPROVED, BUT NOT PUNISHED. +</h2> +<h3> + By The Provost Of Wastennes. +</h3> +<blockquote><p> +<i>Of a woman who heard her husband say that an innkeeper at Mont St. +Michel was excellent at copulating, so went there, hoping to try for +herself, but her husband took means to prevent it, at which she was much +displeased, as you will hear shortly.</i> +</p></blockquote> +<p> +Often a man says things for which he is sorry afterwards, and so it +happened formerly that a good fellow who lived in a village near Mont +St. Michel, talked one night at a supper, at which were present his +wife, and several strangers and neighbours, of an inn-keeper of Mont +St. Michel, and declared, affirmed, and swore on his honour, that this +inn-keeper had the finest, biggest, and thickest member in all the +country round, and could use it so well that four, five, or six times +cost him no more trouble than taking off his hat. All those who were at +table listened to this favourable account of the prowess of mine host +of Mont St. Michel, and made what remarks they pleased about it, but the +person who took the most notice was the lady of the house, the wife of +the man who related the story, who had listened attentively, and to +whom it seemed that a woman would be most happy and fortunate who had a +husband so endowed. +</p> +<p> +And she also thought in her heart that if she could devise some cunning +excuse she would some day go to Mont St. Michel, and put up at the inn +kept by the man with the big member, and it would not be her fault if +she did not try whether the report were true. +</p> +<p> +To execute what she had so boldly devised, at the end of six or eight +days she took leave of her husband, to go on a pilgrimage to Mont St. +Michel; and she invented some clever excuse for her journey, as women +well know how to do. Her husband did not refuse her permission to go, +though he had his suspicions. +</p> +<p> +At parting, her husband told her to make an offering to Saint Michael, +and that she was to lodge at the house of the said landlord, and he +recommended her to him a hundred thousand times. +</p> +<p> +She promised to accomplish all he ordered, and upon that took leave and +went away, much desiring, God knows, to find herself at Mont St. Michel. +As soon as she had left, the husband mounted his horse, and went as fast +as he could, by another road to that which his wife had taken, to Mont +St. Michel, and arrived secretly, before his wife, at the inn kept by +the man already mentioned, who most gladly welcomed him. When he was in +his chamber, he said to his host, +</p> +<p> +"My host, you and I have been friends for a long time. I will tell you +what has brought me to your town now. About five or six days ago, a lot +of good fellows were having supper at my house, and amongst other talk, +I related how it was said throughout the country that there was no man +better furnished than you"—and then he told him as nearly as possible +all that had been said. "And it happened," he continued, "that my wife +listened attentively to what I said, and never rested till she obtained +permission to come to this town. And by my oath, I verily suspect that +her chief intention is to try if she can, if my words were true that +I said about your big member. She will soon be here I expect, for she +longs to come; so I pray you when she does come you will receive her +gladly, and welcome her, and do all that she asks. But at all events do +not deceive me; take care that you do not touch her. Appoint a time +to come to her when she is in bed, and I will go in your place, and +afterwards I will tell you some good news." +</p> +<p> +"Let me alone," said the host. "I will take care and act my part well." +</p> +<p> +"At all events," said the other, "be sure and serve me no trick, for I +know well enough that she will be ready to." +</p> +<p> +"By my oath," said the host, "I assure you I will not come near her," +and he did not. +</p> +<p> +Soon after came our wench and her maid, both very tired, God knows; +and the good host came forth, and received his guests as he had been +enjoined, and as he had promised. He caused mademoiselle to be taken to +a fair chamber, and a good fire to be made, and brought the best wine +in the house, and sent for some fine fresh cherries, and came to banquet +with her whilst supper was getting ready. When he saw his opportunity, +he began to make his approaches to her, but in a roundabout way. To cut +matters short, an agreement was made between them that he should come +secretly at midnight to sleep with her. +</p> +<p> +This being arranged, he went and told the husband of the dame, who, at +the hour named, went in mine host's instead, and did the best he could, +and rose before daybreak and returned to his own bed. +</p> +<p> +When it was day, the wench, quite vexed and melancholy, called her maid, +and they rose, and dressed as hastily as they could, and would have paid +the host, but he said he would take nothing from her. And with that +she left without hearing Mass, or seeing St. Michael, or breakfasting +either; and without saying a single word, returned home. But you must +know that her husband was there already, and asked her what good news +there was at Mont St. Michel. She, feeling as annoyed as she could be, +hardly deigned to reply. +</p> +<p> +"And what sort of welcome," asked her husband, "did mine host give you? +By God, he is a good fellow!" +</p> +<p> +"A good fellow!" she said. "Nothing very wonderful! I will not give him +more praise than is his due." +</p> +<p> +"No, dame?" he replied. "By St. John, I should have thought that for +love of me he would have given you a hearty welcome." +</p> +<p> +"I care not about his welcome," she said. "I do not go on a pilgrimage +for the sake of his, or any one else's welcome. I only think of my +devotion." +</p> +<p> +"Devotion, wife!" he answered. "By Our Lady, you had none! I know very +well why you are so vexed and sorrowful. You did not find what you +expected—that is the exact truth. Ha, ha, madam! I know the cause of +your pilgrimage. You wanted to make trial of the physical gifts of our +host of St. Michel, but, by St. John, I was on my guard, and always will +be if I can help it. And that you may not think that I lied when I told +you that he had such a big affair, by God, I said nothing but what is +true. But you wanted something more than hearsay evidence, and, if I had +not stopped you, you would in your 'devotion' have tried its power for +yourself. You see I know all, and to remove any doubts you may have +on the subject, I may tell you that I came last night at the appointed +hour, and took his place—so be content with what I was able to do, and +remain satisfied with what you have. This time I pardon you, but take +care that it never occurs again." +</p> +<p> +The damsel, confused and astonished at being thus caught, as soon as she +could speak, begged his pardon, and promised never to do anything of the +sort again. And I believe that she never did. +</p> +<hr> +<a name="2H_4_0066"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> +<br /> +<br /> +<center> +<img alt="66pg (129K)" src="images/66pg.jpg" height="946" width="595" /> +</center> +<br /> +<br /> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + STORY THE SIXTY-SIXTH — THE WOMAN AT THE BATH. +</h2> +<h3> + By Philippe De Laon. +</h3> +<blockquote><p> +<i>Of an inn-keeper at Saint Omer who put to his son a question for which +he was afterwards sorry when he heard the reply, at which his wife was +much ashamed, as you will hear, later.</i> +</p></blockquote> +<p> +Some time ago I was at Saint Omer with a number of noble companions, +some from the neighbourhood and Boulogne, and some from elsewhere, and +after a game of tennis, we went to sup at the inn of a tavern-keeper, +who is a well-to-do man and a good fellow, and who has a very pretty and +buxom wife, by whom he has a fine boy, of the age of six or seven years. +</p> +<p> +We were all seated at supper, the inn-keeper, his wife, and her son, +who stood near her, being with us, and some began to talk, others to +sing and make good cheer, and our host did his best to make himself +agreeable. +</p> +<p> +His wife had been that day to the warm baths, and her little son with +her. So our host thought, to make the company laugh, to ask his son +about the people who were at the baths with his mother, (*) and said; +</p> +<p> +"Come here, my son, and tell me truly which of all the women at the +baths had the finest and the biggest c——?" +</p> +<pre> + (*) The public baths were then much frequented, especially + by the lower classes. Men, women, and children all bathed + together. +</pre> +<p> +The child being questioned before his mother, whom he feared as children +usually do, looked at her, and did not speak. +</p> +<p> +The father, not expecting to find him so quiet, said again; +</p> +<p> +"Tell me, my son; who had the biggest c—— Speak boldly." +</p> +<p> +"I don't know, father," replied the child, still glancing at his mother. +</p> +<p> +"By God, you lie," said his father. "Tell me! I want to know." +</p> +<p> +"I dare not," said the boy, "my mother would beat me." +</p> +<p> +"No, she will not," said the father. "You need not mind. I will see she +does not hurt you." +</p> +<p> +Our hostess, the boy's mother, not thinking that her son would tell (as +he did) said to him. +</p> +<p> +"Answer boldly what your father asks you." +</p> +<p> +"You will beat me," he said. +</p> +<p> +"No, I will not," she replied. +</p> +<p> +The father, now that the boy had permission to speak, again asked; +</p> +<p> +"Well, my son, on your word, did you look at the c——s of all the women +who were at the baths?" +</p> +<p> +"By St. John, yes, father." +</p> +<p> +"Were there plenty of them? Speak, and don't lie." +</p> +<p> +"I never saw so many. It seemed a real warren of c——s." +</p> +<p> +"Well then; tell us now who had the finest and the biggest?" +</p> +<p> +"Truly," replied the boy, "mother had the finest and biggest—but <i>he</i> +had such a large nose." +</p> +<p> +"Such a large nose?" said the father. "Go along, go along! you are a +good boy." +</p> +<p> +We all began to laugh and to drink, and to talk about the boy who +chattered so well. But his mother did not know which way to look, she +was so ashamed, because her son had spoken about a nose, and I expect +that he was afterwards well beaten for having told tales out of school. +Our host was a good fellow, but he afterwards repented having put +a question the answer to which made him blush. That is all for the +present. +</p> +<hr> +<a name="2H_4_0067"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> +<br /> +<br /> +<center> +<img alt="67pg (140K)" src="images/67pg.jpg" height="946" width="593" /> +</center> +<br /> +<br /> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + STORY THE SIXTY-SEVENTH — THE WOMAN WITH THREE HUSBANDS. +</h2> +<h3> + By Philippe De Laon. +</h3> +<blockquote><p> +<i>Of a "fur hat" of Paris, who wished to deceive a cobbler's wife, but +over-reached, himself, for he married her to a barber, and thinking that +he was rid of her, would have wedded another, but she prevented him, as +you will hear more plainly hereafter.</i> +</p></blockquote> +<p> +About three years ago a noteworthy adventure happened to one of the +fur hats of the Parliament of Paris. (*) And that it should not be +forgotten, I relate this story, not that I hold all the "fur caps" to +be good and upright men; but because there was not a little, but a large +measure of duplicity about this particular one, which is a strange and +peculiar thing as every one knows. +</p> +<pre> + (*) The councillors of Parliament wore a cap of fur, + bordered with ermine. +</pre> +<p> +To come to my story, this fur hat,—that is to say this councillor of +Parliament,—fell in love with the wife of a cobbler of Paris,—a good, +and pretty woman, and ready-witted. The fur hat managed, by means of +money and other ways, to get an interview with the cobbler's fair wife +on the quiet and alone, and if he had been enamoured of her before he +enjoyed her, he was still more so afterwards, which she perceived and +was on her guard, and resolved to stand off till she obtained her price. +</p> +<p> +His love for her was at such fever heat, that by commands, prayers, +promises, and gifts, he tried to make her come to him, but she would +not, in order to aggravate and increase his malady. He sent ambassadors +of all sorts to his mistress, but it was no good—she would rather die +than come. +</p> +<p> +Finally—to shorten the story—in order to make her come to him as she +used formerly to do, he promised her in the presence of three or four +witnesses, that he would take her to wife if her husband died. +</p> +<p> +As soon as she obtained this promise, she consented to visit him +at various times when she could get away, and he continued to be as +love-sick as ever. She, knowing her husband to be old, and having the +aforesaid promise, already looked upon herself as the Councillor's wife. +</p> +<p> +But a short time afterwards, the much-desired death of the cobbler was +known and published, and his fair widow at once went with a bound to +the abode of the fur cap, who received her gladly, and again promised to +make her his wife. +</p> +<p> +These two good people—the fur cap, and his mistress, the cobbler's +widow—were now together; But it often happens that what can be got +without trouble is not worth the trouble of getting, and so it was in +this case, for our fur cap soon began to weary of the cobbler's widow, +and his love for her grew cold. She often pressed him to perform the +marriage he had promised, but he said; +</p> +<p> +"By my word, my dear, I can never marry, for I am a churchman, and hold +such and such benefices, as you know. The promise I formerly made you is +null and void, and was caused by the great love I bear you, to win you +to me the more easily." +</p> +<p> +She, believing that he did belong to the Church, and seeing that she was +as much mistress of his house as though she had been his wedded wife, +went her accustomed way, and never troubled more about the marriage; but +at last was persuaded by the fine words of our fur cap to leave him, and +marry a barber, their neighbour, to whom the Councillor gave 300 +gold crowns, and God knows that the woman also was well provided with +clothes. +</p> +<p> +Now you must know that our fur cap had a definite object in arranging +this marriage, which would never have come off if he had not told +his mistress that in future he intended to serve God, and live on his +benefices, and give up everything to the Church. But he did just the +contrary, as soon as he had got rid of her by marrying her to the +barber; for about a year later, he secretly treated for the hand of the +daughter of a rich and notable citizen of Paris. +</p> +<p> +The marriage was agreed to and arranged, and a day fixed for the +wedding. He also disposed of his benefices, which were only held by +simple tonsure. +</p> +<p> +These things were known throughout Paris, and came to the knowledge of +the cobbler's widow, now the barber's wife, and, as you may guess, she +was much surprised. +</p> +<p> +"Oh, the traitor," she said; "has he deceived me like this? He deserted +me under pretence of serving God, and made me over to another man. But, +by Our Lady of Clery, the matter shall not rest here." +</p> +<p> +Nor did it, for she cited our fur cap before the Bishop, and there her +advocate stated his case clearly and courteously, saying that the +fur cap had promised the cobbler's wife, in the presence of several +witnesses, that if her husband died he would make her his wife. When +her husband died, the Councillor had kept her for about a year, and then +handed her over to a barber. +</p> +<p> +To shorten the story, the witnesses having been heard, and the case +debated, the Bishop annulled the marriage of the cobbler's widow to the +barber, and enjoined and commanded the fur cap to take her as his wife, +for so she was by right, since he had carnal connection with her after +the aforesaid promise. +</p> +<p> +Thus was our fur cap brought to his senses. He missed marrying the +citizen's fair daughter, and lost the 300 crowns, which the barber had +for keeping his wife for a year. And if the Councillor was ill-pleased +to have his old mistress again, the barber was glad enough to get rid of +her. +</p> +<p> +In the manner that you have heard, was one of the fur caps of the +Parliament of Paris once served. +</p> +<hr> +<a name="image-0040"><!--IMG--></a> +<center> +<img src="images/68.jpg" height="923" width="613" +alt="68.jpg" title="The Jade Despoiled. +"> +</center> + +<a name="2H_4_0068"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> +<br /> +<br /> +<center> +<img alt="68pg (145K)" src="images/68pg.jpg" height="941" width="580" /> +</center> +<br /> +<br /> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + STORY THE SIXTY-EIGHTH — THE JADE DESPOILED. +</h2> +<h3> + By Messire Chrestien De Dygoigne. +</h3> +<blockquote><p> +<i>Of a married man who found his wife with another man, and devised +means to get from her her money, clothes, jewels, and all, down to +her chemise, and then sent her away in that condition, as shall be +afterwards recorded.</i> +</p></blockquote> +<p> +It is no new and strange thing for wives to make their husbands +jealous,—or indeed, by God, cuckolds. And so it happened formerly, +in the city of Antwerp, that a married woman, who was not the chastest +person in the world, was desired by a good fellow to do—you know what. +And she, being kind and courteous, did not like to refuse the request, +but gladly consented, and they two continued this life for a long time. +</p> +<p> +In the end, Fortune, tired of always giving them good luck, willed that +the husband should catch them in the act, much to his own surprise. +Perhaps though it would be hard to say which was the most surprised—the +lover, or his mistress, or the husband. Nevertheless, the lover, with +the aid of a good sword he had, made his escape without getting any +harm. There remained the husband and wife, and what they said to each +other may be guessed. After a few words on both sides, the husband, +thinking to himself that as she had commenced to sin it would be +difficult to break her of her bad habits, and that if she did sin +again it might come to the knowledge of other people, and he might be +dishonoured; and considering also that to beat or scold her would be +only lost labour, determined to see if he could not drive her out, and +never let her disgrace his house again. So he said to his wife; +</p> +<p> +"Well, I see that you are not such as you ought to be; nevertheless, +hoping that you will never again behave as you have behaved, let no more +be said. But let us talk of another matter. I have some business on +hand which concerns me greatly, and you also. We must put in it all our +jewels; and if you have any little hoard of money stored away, bring it +forth, for it is required." +</p> +<p> +"By my oath," said the wench, "I will do so willingly, if you will +pardon me the wrong I have done you." +</p> +<p> +"Don't speak about it," he replied, "and no more will I." +</p> +<p> +She, believing that she had absolution and remission of her sins, to +please her husband, and atone for the scandal she had caused, gave him +all the money she had, her gold rings, rich stuffs, certain well-stuffed +purses, a number of very fine kerchiefs, many whole furs of great +value—in short, all that she had, and that her husband could ask, she +gave to do him pleasure. +</p> +<p> +"The devil!" quoth he; "still I have not enough." +</p> +<p> +When he had everything, down to the gown and petticoat she wore, he +said, "I must have that gown." +</p> +<p> +"Indeed!" said she. "I have nothing else to wear. Do you want me to go +naked?" +</p> +<p> +"You must," he said, "give it me, and the petticoat also, and be quick +about it, for either by good-will or force, I must have them." +</p> +<p> +She, knowing that force was not on her side, stripped off her gown and +petticoat, and stood in her chemise. +</p> +<p> +"There!" she said; "Have I done what pleases you?" +</p> +<p> +"Not always," he replied. "If you obey me now, God knows you do so +willingly—but let us leave that and talk of another matter. When I +married you, you brought scarcely anything with you, and the little that +you had you have dissipated or forfeited. There is no need for me to +speak of your conduct—you know better than anyone what you are, and +being what you are, I hereby renounce you, and say farewell to you for +ever! There is the door! go your way; and if you are wise, you will +never come into my presence again." +</p> +<p> +The poor wench, more astounded than ever, did not dare to stay after +this terrible reproof, so she left, and went, I believe, to the house of +her lover, for the first night, and sent many ambassadors to try and get +back her apparel and belongings, but it was no avail. Her husband was +headstrong and obstinate, and would never hear her spoken about, and +still less take her back, although he was much pressed both by his own +friends and those of his wife. +</p> +<p> +She was obliged to earn other clothes, and instead of her husband live +with a friend until her husband's wrath is appeased, but, up to the +present, he is still displeased with her, and will on no account see +her. +</p> +<hr> +<a name="2H_4_0069"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> +<br /> +<br /> +<center> +<img alt="69pg (128K)" src="images/69pg.jpg" height="956" width="580" /> +</center> +<br /> +<br /> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + STORY THE SIXTY-NINTH — THE VIRTUOUS LADY WITH TWO HUSBANDS. <a href="#note-69" name="noteref-69">69</a> +</h2> +<h3> + By Monseigneur. +</h3> +<blockquote><p> +<i>Of a noble knight of Flanders, who was married to a beautiful and noble +lady. He was for many years a prisoner in Turkey, during which time his +good and loving wife was, by the importunities of her friends, induced +to marry another knight. Soon after she had remarried, she heard that +her husband had returned from Turkey, whereupon she allowed herself to +die of grief, because she had contracted a fresh marriage.</i> +</p></blockquote> +<p> +It is not only known to all those of the city of Ghent—where the +incident that I am about to relate happened not long ago—but to all +those of Flanders, and many others, that at the battle fought between +the King of Hungary and Duke Jehan (whom may God absolve) on one side, +and the Grand Turk and all his Turks on the other, (*) that many noble +knights and esquires—French, Flemish, German, and Picardians—were +taken prisoners, of whom some were put to death in the presence of the +said Great Turk, others were imprisoned for life, and others condemned +to slavery, amongst which last was a noble knight of the said country of +Flanders, named Clayz Utenhoven. +</p> +<pre> + (*) The battle of Nicopolis (28th September, 1396) when + Sigismond, King of Hungary, and Jean-sans-Peur, son of the + Duke of Burgundy, who had recruited a large army for the + purpose of raising the siege of Constantinople, were met and + overthrown by the Sultan, Bajazet I. +</pre> +<p> +For many years he endured this slavery, which was no light task but an +intolerable martyrdom to him, considering the luxuries upon which he had +been nourished, and the condition in which he had lived. +</p> +<p> +Now you must know that he had formerly married at Ghent a beautiful and +virtuous lady, who loved him and held him dear with all her heart, and +who daily prayed to God that shortly she might see him again if he were +still alive; and that if he were dead, He would of His grace pardon his +sins, and include him in the number of those glorious martyrs, who to +repel the infidel, and that the holy Catholic faith might be exalted, +had given up their mortal lives. +</p> +<p> +This good lady, who was rich, beautiful, virtuous, and possessed of many +noble friends, was continually pressed and assailed by her friends to +remarry; they declaring and affirming that her husband was dead, and +that if he were alive he would have returned like the others; or if he +were a prisoner, she would have received notice to prepare his ransom. +But whatever reasons were adduced, this virtuous lady could not be +persuaded to marry again, but excused herself as well as she was able. +</p> +<p> +These excuses served her little or nothing, for her relatives and +friends so pressed her that she was obliged to obey. But God knows +that it was with no small regret, and after she had been for nine +years deprived of the presence of her good and loyal husband, whom she +believed to be long since dead, as did most or all who knew him; but +God, who guards and preserves his servants and champions, had otherwise +ordered it, for he still lived and performed his arduous labours as a +slave. +</p> +<p> +To return to our story. This virtuous lady was married to another +knight, and lived with him for half a year, without hearing anything +further about her first husband. +</p> +<p> +By the will of God, however, this good and true knight, Messire Clays, +who was still in Turkey, when his wife married again, and there working +as a slave, was, by means of some Christian gentlemen and merchants, +delivered, and returned in their galley. +</p> +<p> +As he was on his return, he met and found in passing through various +places, many of his acquaintance, who were overjoyed at his delivery, +for in truth he was a most valiant man, of great renown and many +virtues; and so the most joyful rumour of his much wished-for +deliverance spread into France, Artois, and Picardy, where his virtues +were not less known than they were in Flanders, of which country he was +a native. And from these countries it soon reached Flanders, and came +to the ears of his beauteous and virtuous lady and spouse, who was +astounded thereat, and her feelings so overcame her as to deprive her of +her senses. +</p> +<p> +"Ah," she said, as soon as she could speak, "my heart was never willing +to do that which my relations and friends forced me to do. Alas! what +will my most loving lord and husband say? I have not kept faith with him +as I should, but—like a frail, frivolous, and weak-minded woman,—have +given to another part and portion of that of which he alone should +be lord and master! I cannot, and dare not await his coming. I am +not worthy that he should look at me, or that I should be seen in his +company," and with these words her most chaste, virtuous, and loving +heart failed her, and she fell fainting. +</p> +<p> +She was carried and laid upon a bed, and her senses returned to her, but +from that time it was not in the power of man or woman to make her eat +or sleep, and thus she continued three days, weeping continually, and +in the greatest grief of mind that ever woman was. During which time she +confessed and did all that a good Christian should, and implored pardon +of all, and most especially of her husband. +</p> +<p> +Soon afterwards she died, which was a great misfortune; and it need not +be told what grief fell upon the said lord, her husband, when he heard +the news. His sorrow was such that he was in great danger of dying as +his most loving wife had done; but God, who had saved him from many +other great perils, preserved him also from this. +</p> +<hr> +<a name="2H_4_0070"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> +<br /> +<br /> +<center> +<img alt="70pg (136K)" src="images/70pg.jpg" height="936" width="593" /> +</center> +<br /> +<br /> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + STORY THE SEVENTIETH — THE DEVIL'S HORN. +</h2> +<h3> + By Monseigneur. +</h3> +<blockquote><p> +<i>Of a noble knight of Germany, a great traveller in his time; who after +he had made a certain voyage, took a vow to never make the sign of +the Cross, owing to the firm faith and belief that he had in the holy +sacrament of baptism—in which faith he fought the devil, as you will +hear.</i> +</p></blockquote> + +<p> +A noble knight of Germany, a great traveller, distinguished in arms, +courteous, and largely endowed with all good virtues, had just returned +from a long journey, and was in his castle, when he was asked by one of +his vassals living in the same town, to be godfather to his child, which +had been born on the same day that the knight returned. +</p> +<p> +To which request the knight willingly acceded, and although he had +during his life held many children at the font, he had never before +listened to the holy words pronounced by the priest at this holy and +excellent sacrament as he did this time, and they seemed to him—as +indeed they are-full of high and divine mystery. +</p> +<p> +The baptism being finished, he being liberal and courteous and willing +to oblige his vassals, remained to dine in the town, instead of +returning to his castle, and with him dined the curé, his fellow +sponsor, and other persons of renown. +</p> +<p> +The discourse turned on various matters, when the knight began to +greatly praise the excellent sacrament of baptism, and said in a loud +and clear voice that all might hear; +</p> +<p> +"If I knew for a truth that at my baptism had been pronounced the great +and holy words which I heard to-day at the baptism of my latest god-son, +I would not believe that the devil could have any power or authority +over me, except to tempt me, and I would refrain from ever making the +sign of the Cross, not that—let it be well understood—I do not well +know that sign is sufficient to repel the devil, but because I believe +that the words pronounced at the baptism of every Christian (if they are +such as I have to-day heard) are capable of driving away all the devils +of hell, however many they might be." +</p> +<p> +"Truly then, monseigneur," replied the curé, "I assure you <i>in verbo +sacerdotis</i> that the same words which were said to-day at the baptism +of your god-son were pronounced at your baptism. I know it well, for +I myself baptised you, and I remember it as well as though it were +yesterday. God be merciful to monseigneur your father—he asked me the +day after your baptism, what I thought of his son; such and such were +your sponsors, and such and such were present," and he related all +particulars about the baptism, and showed that it was certain that in +not a word did it differ from that of his god-son. +</p> +<p> +"Since it is thus," then said the noble knight, "I vow to God, my +creator, that I have such firm faith in the holy sacrament of baptism +that never again, for any danger, encounter, or assault that the devil +may make against me, will I make the sign of the Cross, but solely by +the memory of the sacrament of baptism I will drive him behind me; +such a firm belief have I in this divine mystery, that it does not seem +possible to me that the devil can hurt a man so shielded, for that rite +needs no other aid if accompanied by true faith." +</p> +<p> +The dinner passed, and I know not how many years after, the good knight +was in a large town in Germany, about some business which drew him +thither, and was lodged in an inn. As he was one night along with his +servants, after supper, talking and jesting with them, he wished to +retire, but as his servants were enjoying themselves he would not +disturb them, so he took a candle and went alone. As he entered the +closet he saw before him a most horrible and terrible monster, having +large and long horns, eyes brighter than the flames of a furnace, arms +thick and long, sharp and cutting claws,—in fact a most extraordinary +monster, and a devil, I should imagine. +</p> +<p> +And for such the good knight took it, and was at first greatly startled +at such a meeting. Nevertheless, he boldly determined to defend himself +if he were attacked, and he remembered the vow he had made concerning +the holy and divine mystery of baptism. And in this faith he walked up +to the monster, whom I have called a devil, and asked him who he was and +what he wanted? +</p> +<p> +The devil, without a word, attacked him, and the good knight defended +himself, though he had no other weapons than his hands (for he was in +his doublet, being about to go to bed) and the protection of his firm +faith in the holy mystery of baptism. +</p> +<p> +The struggle lasted long, and the good knight was so weary that it was +strange he could longer endure such an assault. But he was so well-armed +by his faith that the blows of his enemy had but little effect. At last, +when the combat had lasted a full hour, the good knight took the devil +by the horns, and tore one of them out, and beat him therewith soundly. +</p> +<p> +Then he went away victorious, leaving the devil writhing on the ground, +and went back to his servants, who were still enjoying themselves, as +they had been doing when he left. They were much frightened to see their +master sweating and out of breath, and with his face all scratched, and +his doublet, shirt, and hose disarranged and torn. +</p> +<p> +"Ah, sir," they cried; "whence come you, and who has thus mauled you?" +</p> +<p> +"Who?" he replied. "Why it was the devil, with whom I have fought so +long that I am out of breath, and in the condition in which you see +me; and I swear to you that I truly believe he would have strangled and +devoured me, if I had not at that moment remembered my baptism, and the +great mystery of that holy sacrament, and the vow that I made I know not +how many years ago. And, believe me, I have kept that vow, and though I +was in danger, I never made the sign of the Cross, but remembering the +aforesaid holy sacrament, boldly defended myself, and have escaped scot +free; for which I praise and thank our Lord who with the shield of faith +hath preserved me safely. Let all the other devils in hell come; as long +as this protection endures, I fear them not. Praise be to our blessed +God who is able to endue his knights with such weapons." +</p> +<p> +The servants of the good knight, when they heard their master relate +this story, were very glad to find he had escaped so well, and much +astonished at the horn he showed them, and which he had torn out of the +devil's head. And they could not discover, neither could any person who +afterwards saw it, of what it was formed; if it were bone or horn, as +other horns are, or, what it was. +</p> +<p> +Then one of the knight's servants said that he would go and see if this +devil were still where his master had left it, and if he found it he +would fight it, and tear out its other horn. His master told him not to +go, but he said he would. +</p> +<p> +"Do not do it," said his master; "the danger is too great." +</p> +<p> +"I care not," replied the other; "I will go." +</p> +<p> +"If you take my advice," said his master, "you will not go." +</p> +<p> +But he would disobey his master and go. He took in one hand a torch, and +in the other a great axe, and went to the place where his master had met +and fought the devil. What happened no one knows, but his master, who, +fearing for his servant, followed him as quickly as he could, found +neither man nor devil, nor ever heard what became of the man. +</p> +<p> +Thus, in the manner that you have heard, did this good knight fight +against the devil, and overcome him by the virtue of the holy sacrament +of baptism. +</p> +<hr> +<a name="image-0041"><!--IMG--></a> +<center> +<img src="images/71.jpg" height="915" width="634" +alt="71.jpg" title="The Considerate Cuckold +"> +</center> + +<a name="2H_4_0071"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> +<br /> +<br /> +<center> +<img alt="71pg (139K)" src="images/71pg.jpg" height="958" width="596" /> +</center> +<br /> +<br /> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + STORY THE SEVENTY-FIRST — THE CONSIDERATE CUCKOLD +</h2> +<h3> + By Monseigneur Le Duc. +</h3> +<blockquote><p> +<i>Of a knight of Picardy, who lodged at an inn in the town of St. Omer, +and fell in love with the hostess, with whom he was amusing himself—you +know how—when her husband discovered them; and how he behaved—as you +will shortly hear.</i> +</p></blockquote> +<p> +At Saint Omer, not long ago, there happened an amusing incident, which +is as true as the Gospel, and is known to many notable people worthy of +faith and belief. In short, the story is as follows. +</p> +<p> +A noble knight of Picardy, who was lively and lusty, and a man of great +authority and high position, came to an inn where the quartermaster of +Duke Philip of Burgundy had appointed him to lodge. (*) +</p> +<pre> + (*) The <i>fourrier</i>—which, for want of a better word, I have + translated as "quartermaster,"—was an officer of the + household of a prince or great lord. One of his duties was + to provide lodgings for all the retinue whenever his master + was travelling. +</pre> +<p> +As soon as he had jumped off his horse, and put foot to the ground, +his hostess—as is the custom in that part of the country—came forward +smiling most affably, and received him most honourably, and, as he +was the most kind and courteous of men, he embraced her and kissed +her gently, for she was pretty and nice, healthy-looking and nattily +dressed—in fact very tempting to kiss and cuddle—and at first sight +each took a strong liking to the other. +</p> +<p> +The knight wondered by what means he could manage to enjoy the person +of his hostess, and confided in one of his servants, who in a very short +time so managed the affair that the two were brought together. +</p> +<p> +When the noble knight saw his hostess ready to listen to whatever he +had to say, you may fancy that he was joyful beyond measure; and in his +great haste and ardent desire to discuss the question he wanted to argue +with her, forgot to shut the door of the room, which his servant, when +he departed after bringing the woman in, had left half open. +</p> +<p> +The knight, without troubling about preludes, began an oration in +dumb-show; and the hostess, who was not sorry to hear him, replied to +his arguments in such a manner that they soon agreed well together, and +never was music sweeter, or instruments in better tune, than it was for +those two, by God's mercy. +</p> +<p> +But it happened, by I know not what chance, that the host of the inn, +the husband of the woman, was seeking his wife to tell her something, +and passing by chance by the chamber where his wife and the knight were +playing the cymbals, heard the sound. He turned towards the spot where +this pleasant pastime was going on, and pushing open the door, saw the +knight and his wife harnessed together, at which he was by far the most +astonished of the three, and drew back quickly, fearing to prevent and +disturb the said work which they were performing. But all that he did +by way of menace or remonstrance was to call out from behind the door; +"Morbleu! you are not only wicked but thoughtless. Have you not the +sense, when you want to do anything of that sort, to shut the door +behind you? Just fancy what it would have been if anyone else had +found you! By God, you would have been ruined and dishonoured, and your +misdeeds discovered and known to all the town! In the devil's name, be +more careful another time!" and without another word, he closed the +door and went away; and the honest couple re-tuned their bagpipes, and +finished the tune they had begun. +</p> +<p> +And when this was finished, each went his or her own way as +unconcernedly as though nothing had happened; and the circumstance would +I believe have never been known—or at least not so publicly as to come +to your ears, and the ears of so many other people,—had it not been +that the husband vexed himself so little about the matter that he +thought less of being cuckolded than he did of finding the door +unbolted. +</p> +<hr> +<a name="2H_4_0072"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> +<br /> +<br /> +<center> +<img alt="72pg (135K)" src="images/72pg.jpg" height="960" width="579" /> +</center> +<br /> +<br /> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + STORY THE SEVENTY-SECOND — NECESSITY IS THE MOTHER OF INVENTION. +</h2> +<h3> + By Monseigneur De Commensuram. +</h3> +<blockquote><p> +<i>Of a gentleman of Picardy who was enamoured of the wife of a knight his +neighbour; and how he obtained the lady's favours and was nearly caught +with her, and with great difficulty made his escape, as you will hear +later.</i> +</p></blockquote> +<p> +Apropos of the previous story, there lived formerly in Picardy—and I +believe he is living there now—a gentlemen who was so enamoured of the +wife of a knight, his neighbour, that he deemed no day or hour happy if +he were not with her, or at least had news of her;—and he was quite as +dear to her—which is no small matter. +</p> +<p> +But the misfortune was that they could find no means of meeting secretly +to open their hearts to each other, and in no case would they do so in +the presence of a third person, however good a friend he or she might +be. At last, after many sad nights and days, Love, who aids and succours +his loyal servants when he pleases, procured for them the much-desired +day, when the poor husband,—the most jealous man living—was obliged to +leave his house on account of some pressing business by which he would +gain a large sum if he were present, and would lose his money if he were +absent. By gaining which sum he reaped an even better reward—that of +being called a cuckold as well as a jealous man—for he had no sooner +left his house than the gentleman, who was watching for no other quarry, +popped into the house, and without staying long, at once performed that +for which he came, and received from his lady all that a lover can and +dare demand; as pleasantly and as leisurely as they could both wish. +</p> +<p> +And they did not suppose that the husband would surprise them, but +looked forward to a time of unalloyed pleasure, hoping that the night +would complete that which the most joyful day—by far too short—had +begun, and really believing that the poor devil of a husband could not +return before dinner-time the following day at the earliest. +</p> +<p> +But it happened otherwise, for the devil brought him home. I know not, +and care not to know how it was that he could get through his business +so quickly, suffice it to say that he came back that night, at which the +company—that is to say the two lovers—was much alarmed, and so taken +by surprise, (for they did not expect this inopportune return) that the +poor gentleman could think of nothing else to do than to hide in the +privy which was close to the chamber, hoping to escape by some means +that his mistress would find before the knight came into the chamber. +</p> +<p> +It chanced that our knight, who that day had ridden sixteen or eighteen +long leagues, was so tired and stiff that he would sup in his chamber, +where he had his boots taken off, and would not go to the dining-hall. +</p> +<p> +You may guess that the poor gentleman paid dear for the pleasure he had +had that day, for he was half dead with hunger, cold, and fear; and, to +aggravate his misfortune, he was taken with such a horrible cough +that it was wonderful that it was not heard in the chamber, where were +assembled, the knight, the lady, and the other knights of the household. +</p> +<p> +The lady, whose eyes and ears were open for any sign of her lover, heard +him by chance, and her heart sank within her, for she feared that her +husband would hear also. Soon after supper she found an opportunity to +go to the privy, and told her lover to take care, for God's sake, and +not cough like that. +</p> +<p> +"Alas, my dear," he said, "I cannot help it. God knows how I am +punished. And for God's sake think of some way of getting me out of +this." +</p> +<p> +"I will," she said, and with that she went away, and the good squire +began his song over again, so loud indeed that he was much afraid he +would be heard in the chamber; and might have been had not the lady +talked very loudly in order to drown the noise. +</p> +<p> +When the squire had this fresh attack of coughing, he knew of nothing +better to do to prevent being heard than to stuff his head down the +hole of the privy, where he was well "incensed", God knows, by the stuff +therein, but he preferred that to being heard. In short, he was there a +long time, with his head down the hole, spitting, sniffing, and coughing +so much that it seemed as though he would never do anything else. +</p> +<p> +After this fit finished, the cough left him, and then he tried to draw +out his head, but it was not in his power, so far had he pushed his +shoulders through, and you may fancy that he was not very comfortable. +In short he could not find means to get out, try as he would. He scraped +his neck, and nearly pulled his ears off, and in the end, by God's will, +he pulled so hard that he tore away the seat of the privy, which +hung round his neck. It was beyond his power to get out of it, but +troublesome as it was, he preferred that to his previous position: +</p> +<p> +His mistress came and found him in that state, and was much astonished. +She could not help him, and all the consolation she could give him +was to tell him that she could find no means of getting him out of the +house. +</p> +<a name="image-0042"><!--IMG--></a> +<center> +<img src="images/72.jpg" height="911" width="634" +alt="72.jpg" title=" Necessity is the Mother of Invention. +"> +</center> + +<p> +"Is that so?" he said. "Morbleu! I am well armed to fight any one, but I +must have a sword in my hand." +</p> +<p> +He was soon provided with a good one, and the lady, seeing his +extraordinary appearance, although her heart was lull of doubt and +uncertainty, could not refrain from laughing, and the squire also. +</p> +<p> +"Now I commend myself to God," he said. "I am going to try if I can get +out of the house; but first black my face well." +</p> +<p> +She did so, and recommended him to God, and the poor fellow, with the +seat of the privy round his neck, a drawn sword in his hand, and his +face blacker than charcoal, sallied out into the room, and by luck the +first person he met was the husband, who was in such mortal fear at the +sight of him—believing it was the Devil himself—that he tumbled full +length on the floor and nearly broke his neck, and was for a long time +in a swoon. +</p> +<p> +His wife, seeing him in this condition, came forward, and pretending to +show much more fear than she really felt, supported him in her arms, and +asked him what was the matter. As soon as he came to himself, he said in +broken accents, and with a piteous air; "Did you see that devil I met." +</p> +<p> +"Yes, I did," she replied, "and I nearly died of fright at the sight." +</p> +<p> +"Why does it come to our house?" he asked, "And who could have sent +it? I shall not recover myself for a year or two, I have been so +frightened." +</p> +<p> +"Nor shall I, by God," said the pious lady. "I believe it must mean +something. May God keep us, and protect us from all evil fortune. My +heart forebodes some mischief from this vision." +</p> +<p> +Every one in the castle gave his or her version of the devil with a +drawn sword, and they all believed it was a real devil. The good lady, +who held the key of the mystery, was very glad to see them of that +opinion. Ever after that the said devil continued to do the work that +everyone does so willingly, though the husband, and everybody except a +discreet waiting woman, were ignorant of the fact. +</p> +<hr> +<a name="image-0043"><!--IMG--></a> +<center> +<img src="images/73.jpg" height="891" width="609" +alt="73.jpg" title="The Bird in The Cage. +"> +</center> + +<a name="2H_4_0073"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> +<br /> +<br /> +<center> +<img alt="73pg (134K)" src="images/73pg.jpg" height="935" width="591" /> +</center> +<br /> +<br /> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + STORY THE SEVENTY-THIRD — THE BIRD IN THE CAGE. +</h2> +<h3> + By Jehan Lambin. +</h3> +<blockquote><p> +<i>Of a curé who was in love with the wife of one of his parishioners, +with whom the said curé was found by the husband of the woman, the +neighbours having given him warning—and how the curé escaped, as you +will hear.</i> +</p></blockquote> +<p> +In the district of Saint Pol, in a village near that town, there +formerly resided a worthy man, a labourer, married to a fair and buxom +woman with whom the curé of the village was in love. He was burning with +love for her, but he foresaw that his intentions might be suspected, +and thought that the best way to win her would be to first gain the +friendship of her husband. +</p> +<p> +He confided this opinion to the woman, and asked her advice, and she +replied that it was a very good plan to enable them to carry out their +amorous intentions. +</p> +<p> +The curé, by flattery and subtle means, made the acquaintance of the +good man, and managed him so well that he was always talking of "his +curé", and would not eat or do anything else without him. Every day he +would have him to dinner and supper, in short there was nothing done at +the good man's house without the curé being present. By this means he +could come to the house as often as he pleased, and whatever time he +liked. +</p> +<p> +But the neighbours of this foolish labourer, seeing what he could not +see, his eyes being bandaged by weakness and confidence,—told him that +it was not right and proper to have the curé at his house every day, +and that, if it continued, his wife's reputation would suffer, these +frequent visits having been noticed and spoken about by his neighbours +and friends. +</p> +<p> +When the good man found himself thus sharply reproved by his neighbours +for the frequent visits of the curé to his house, he was obliged to +tell the curé that he must cease his constant calls, and forbade him +by strict orders and menaces ever to come again until he was invited; +affirming by a great oath that if ever he found the curé in his house +there would be an account to settle between them, and it would not be +pleasant for the visitor. +</p> +<p> +This prohibition displeased the curé more than I can tell you, but +though vexed, he would not break off his love affair, for it was so +deeply rooted in the hearts of both parties that it could not be easily +eradicated. But hear how the curé managed after this prohibition. By an +agreement with his mistress, he used to be informed of the times when +her husband was absent, and then visit her. But he managed clumsily, for +he could not pay his visits without the knowledge of the neighbours, who +had been the cause of the interdict, and who were as much displeased at +the cure's acts as though they had been personally concerned. +</p> +<p> +The good man was again informed that the curé used to come and put out +the fire at his house every night, (*) as he did before he was +forbidden. The foolish husband, hearing that, was much astonished and +also angry, and to remedy this state of affairs, thought of the means +which I will relate. +</p> +<pre> + (*) That is to say came at curfew time. +</pre> +<p> +He told his wife that he was going, on a certain day which he named, to +take to St. Orner a waggon-load of corn, and that the work might be well +done, was going himself. When the day named for his departure arrived, +he did, as is usual in Picardy, especially round St. Omer, that is +loaded his waggon of corn at midnight, and at that hour took leave of +his wife and departed with his waggon. +</p> +<p> +As soon as he was gone, his wife closed all the doors of the house. Now +you must know that the St. Omer to which our merchant was going was the +house of one of his friends who lived at the other end of the +village. He arrived there, put his waggon in the courtyard of the said +friend—who knew all the business—and sent him to keep watch and listen +round the house to see if any thief might come. +</p> +<p> +When he arrived, he concealed himself at the corner of a thick hedge, +from which spot he could see all the doors of the house of the merchant, +of whom he was the friend and servant. +</p> +<p> +Hardly had he taken his place than there arrived the curé, who had come +to light his candle—or rather to put it out—and softly and secretly +knocked at the door, which was soon opened by one who was not inclined +to sleep at that time, who came down in her chemise, and let in her +confessor, and then closed the door and led him to the place where her +husband ought to have been. +</p> +<p> +The watcher, when he perceived what was done, left his post, and went +and informed the husband. Upon which news, the following plan was +quickly arranged between them. The corn-merchant pretended to have +returned from his journey on account of certain adventures which had, or +might have, happened to him. +</p> +<p> +He knocked at the door, and shouted to his wife, who was much alarmed +when she heard his voice, and made haste to conceal her lover, the curé, +in a <i>casier</i> that was in the chamber; and you must know that a <i>casier</i> +is a kind of pantry-cupboard, long and narrow and fairly deep, and very +much like a trough. +</p> +<p> +As soon as the curé was concealed amongst the eggs, butter cheese, and +other such victuals, the brave housewife, pretending to be half awake +half asleep, let in her husband, and said. +</p> +<p> +"Oh, my dear husband, what can have happened that you have returned +so quickly? There must be some reason why you did not go on your +journey—for God's sake tell it me quickly!" +</p> +<p> +The good man, who was as angry as he could be, although he did not show +it, insisted on going to their bedroom and there telling her the cause +of his sudden return. When he was where he expected to find the curé, +that is to say in the bedroom, he began to relate his reasons for +breaking his journey. Firstly, he said he had such suspicion of her +virtue that he feared much to be numbered amongst the blue vestments, +(*) or "our friends" as they are commonly called, and that it was +because of this suspicion that he had returned so quickly. Also that +when he was out of the house it had occurred to his mind that the curé +was his deputy whilst he was away. So to put his suspicions to the test, +he had come back, and now wanted the candle to see whether his wife had +been sleeping alone during his absence. +</p> +<pre> + (*) In the present day, yellow is the emblematic colour for + jealous or cuckolded husbands, but it would appear from this + passage that in the 15th century it was blue-possibly, + Bibliophile Jacob thinks, from its being the colour of the + <i>maquereau</i>. +</pre> +<p> +When he had finished relating the causes of his return, the good woman +cried, +</p> +<p> +"Oh, my dear husband, whence comes this baseless jealousy? Have you ever +seen in my conduct anything that should not be seen in that of a good, +faithful, and virtuous wife? Cursed be the hour I first knew you, since +you suspect me of that which my heart could never imagine. You know +me badly if you do not know how clean and pure my heart is, and will +remain." +</p> +<p> +The good man paid little heed to these words, but said that he wished to +allay his suspicions, and to at once inspect every corner of the chamber +as well as possible,—but he did not find what he sought. +</p> +<p> +Then he caught sight of the <i>casier</i>, and he guessed that the man he +wanted was inside, but he made no sign, and calling his wife said; +</p> +<p> +"My dear, I was wrong to presume that you were untrue to me, and such +as my false suspicions imagined. Nevertheless, I am so obstinate in my +opinions, that it would be impossible for me to live comfortably with +you henceforth. And therefore I hope you will agree that a separation +should be made between us, and that we divide our goods equally in a +friendly manner." +</p> +<p> +The wench, who was pleased with this arrangement, in order that she +might more easily see her curé, agreed with scarcely any difficulty to +her husband's request, but she made it a condition that in the division +of the furniture she should have first choice. +</p> +<p> +"And why," said the husband, "should you have first choice? It is +against all right and justice." +</p> +<p> +They were a long time squabbling about first choice, but in the end +the husband won, and took the <i>casier</i> in which there was nothing but +custards, tarts, cheeses, and other light provisions, amongst which was +the good curé buried, and he heard all the discussion that went on. +</p> +<p> +When the husband chose the <i>casier</i>, his wife chose the copper; then the +husband chose another article then she chose; and so on until all the +articles were apportioned out. +</p> +<p> +After the division was made, the husband said; +</p> +<p> +"I will allow you to live in my house until you have found another +lodging, but I am going now to take my share of the furniture, and put +it in the house of one of my neighbours." +</p> +<p> +"Do so," she said, "when you like." +</p> +<p> +He took a good cord and tightly tied up the <i>casier</i>; then sent for his +waggoner and told him to put the <i>casier</i> on a horse's back and take it +to the house of a certain neighbour. +</p> +<p> +The good woman heard these orders, but did not dare to interfere, for +she feared that if she did it would not advance matters, but perhaps +cause the <i>casier</i> to be opened, so she trusted to luck. +</p> +<p> +The <i>casier</i> was placed on the horse, and taken through the streets to +the house the good man had mentioned. But they had not gone far before +the curé, who was choked and blinded with eggs and butter, cried, +</p> +<p> +"For God's sake! mercy!" +</p> +<p> +The waggoner hearing this piteous appeal come out of the <i>casier</i>, +jumped off the horse much frightened, and called the servants and his +master, and they opened the <i>casier</i>, and found the poor prisoner all +smeared and be-yellowed with eggs, cheese, milk, and more than a hundred +other things, indeed it would have been hard to say which there was most +of,—in such a pitiable condition was the poor lover. +</p> +<p> +When the husband saw him in that state, he could not help laughing, +although he felt angry; He let him go, and then went back to his wife to +tell her that he had not been wrong in suspecting her of unchastity. She +seeing herself fairly caught, begged for mercy, and was pardoned on this +condition, that if ever the case occurred again, she should be better +advised than to put her lover in the <i>casier</i>, for the curé had stood a +good chance of being killed. +</p> +<p> +After that they lived together for a long time, and the husband brought +back his <i>casier</i>, but I do not think that the curé was ever found in +it again, but ever after that adventure he was known, and still is, as +"Sire Vadin Casier". +</p> +<hr> +<a name="2H_4_0074"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> +<br /> +<br /> +<center> +<img alt="74pg (138K)" src="images/74pg.jpg" height="942" width="589" /> +</center> +<br /> +<br /> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + STORY THE SEVENTY-FOURTH — THE OBSEQUIOUS PRIEST. +</h2> +<h3> + By Philippe De Laon. +</h3> +<blockquote><p> +<i>Of a priest of Boulogne who twice raised the body of Our Lord whilst +chanting a Mass, because he believed that the Seneschal of Boulogne +had come late to the Mass, and how he refused to take the Pax until the +Seneschal had done so, as you will hear hereafter.</i> +</p></blockquote> +<p> +Once when the Seneschal of the County of Boulogne was travelling through +the district visiting each town, he passed through a hamlet where the +bell was ringing for Mass, and as he expected that he should not reach +the town to which he was going in time to hear Mass, for the hour was +then nearly noon, he thought that he would dismount at this hamlet to +see God in passing. +</p> +<p> +He left his horse at the door of the church, and took a seat near the +altar, where high Mass was being celebrated, and placed himself so +near the priest, that the latter could see his profile whilst he was +celebrating the Mass. +</p> +<p> +When he raised the cup, and other things that he should, he thought to +himself that he had noticed the Seneschal behind him, and not knowing +whether he had come early enough to see the elevation, but believing +that he had come too late, the priest called his clerk, and made him +light the candles, and, performing all the ceremonies that he should, +he again raised the Host, saying that that was for Monseigneur le +Seneschal. +</p> +<p> +And after that he proceeded until he came to the <i>Agnus Dei</i> which, +when he had said three times, and his clerk gave him the Pax to kiss, he +refused, approaching his clerk and saying that he should first present +it to the Seneschal, who refused it two or three times. +</p> +<p> +When the priest saw that the Seneschal would not take the Pax before +him, he put down the Host which he had in his hands, and took the Pax, +which he carried to my lord the Seneschal, and told him that if my lord +did not take it first, he would not take it himself. +</p> +<p> +"For it is not right," said the priest, "that I should take the Pax +before you." +</p> +<p> +Then the Seneschal, seeing that wisdom was not to be found in that +place, gave in to the curé and took the Pax first, and the curé followed +him; and that being done he returned to perform the rest of the Mass. +</p> +<p> +And this is all that was related to me. +</p> +<hr> +<a name="2H_4_0075"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> +<br /> +<br /> +<center> +<img alt="75pg (135K)" src="images/75pg.jpg" height="917" width="579" /> +</center> +<br /> +<br /> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + STORY THE SEVENTY-FIFTH — THE BAGPIPE. <a href="#note-75" name="noteref-75">75</a> +</h2> +<h3> + By Monseigneur De Thalemas. +</h3> +<blockquote><p> +<i>Of a hare-brained half-mad fellow who ran a great risk of being put +to death by being hanged on a gibbet in order to injure and annoy the +Bailly, justices, and other notables of the city of Troyes in Champagne +by whom he was mortally hated, as will appear more plainly hereafter.</i> +</p></blockquote> +<p> +In the time of the war between the Burgundians; and the Armagnacs, (*) +there happened at Troyes in Champagne, a rather curious incident which +is well worth being recorded, and which was as follows. The people of +Troyes, though they had been Burgundians, had joined the Armagnacs, and +amongst them there had formerly lived a fellow who was half mad, for he +had not entirely lost his senses, though his words and actions showed +more folly than good sense—nevertheless he would sometimes say and do +things which a wiser than he could not have bettered. +</p> +<pre> + (*) The reign of Charles VI, after the assassination of the + Duc d'Orléans by Jean-sans-Peur, was marked by along civil + war between the factions here named, and who each in turn + called in the aid of the English. +</pre> +<p> +To begin the story, however; this fellow who was in garrison with the +Burgundians at Sainte Menehould, one day told his companions that if +they would listen to him, he would teach them how to catch a batch of +the yokels of Troyes, whom, in truth, he hated mortally, and they hardly +loved him, for they had always threatened to hang him if they caught +him. This is what he said: +</p> +<p> +"I will go to Troyes and will approach the fortifications, and will +pretend to be spying round the town, and will measure the moat with my +lance, and will get so near the town that I shall be taken prisoner. +I am sure that as soon as the good <i>bailli</i> gets hold of me, he will +condemn me to be hanged, and there is no one in the town who will take +my part for they all hate me. So, early the next morning, I shall be +taken out to the gibbet, (*) and you will all be hidden in the thicket +which is near the gibbet. And as soon as you see me arrive with the +procession, you will spring out upon them, and take whom you like, and +deliver me out of their hands." All his companions in garrison with +him agreed to this willingly, and told him that if he would dare this +adventure, they would assist him to the best of their power. +</p> +<pre> + (*) The gibbet was usually outside the town, often at some + considerable distance from the walls. +</pre> +<p> +To shorten the story, the simpleton went to Troyes as he had said, and, +as he desired, he was taken prisoner. The report soon spread through the +town, and there was no one who did not say he ought to be hanged; even +the Bailli, as soon as he saw him, swore by all his gods that he should +be hanged by the neck. +</p> +<p> +"Alas! monseigneur," said the poor fool, "I pray for mercy. I have done +nothing wrong." +</p> +<p> +"You lie, scoundrel," said the Bailly. "You have guided the Burgundians +into this district, and you have accused the citizens and merchants +of this city. You shall have your reward, for you shall be hanged on a +gibbet." +</p> +<p> +"For God's sake then, monseigneur," said the poor fellow; "since I must +die, at least let it please you that it be in the early morning; so +that, as I have many acquaintances in the town, I may not be held up to +public opprobrium." +</p> +<p> +"Very well," said the Bailly, "I will think about it." +</p> +<p> +The next morning at day-break, the hangman with his cart came to the +prison, and hardly had he arrived than there came the Bailly with his +sergeants, and a great crowd of people to accompany them, and the poor +fellow was laid, bound, on the cart, and still holding the bagpipe he +was accustomed to play. Thus he was led to the gibbet, accompanied by +a larger crowd than most have at their hanging, so much was he hated in +the town. +</p> +<p> +Now you must know that his comrades of the garrison of Sainte Menehould +had not forgotten their ambuscade, and ever since midnight had been +collected near the gibbet, to save their friend, although he was not +overwise, and also to capture prisoners and whatever else they could. +When they arrived they took up their position, and put a sentinel in a +tree to watch when the Troyes folk should be gathered round the gibbet. +The sentinel was placed in his position, and promised that he would keep +a good watch. +</p> +<p> +Then all the crowd came to the gibbet, and the Bailli gave order to +despatch the poor fool, who for his part wondered where his comrades +were, and why they did not rush out on these rascally Armagnacs. +</p> +<p> +He did not feel at all comfortable, and he looked all round, but chiefly +towards the wood, but he heard nothing. He made his confession last as +long as he could, but at last the priest went away, and the poor fellow +had to mount the ladder, and from this elevated position, God knows +that he looked often towards the wood; but it was of no avail, for the +sentinel, who was to give the signal when the men were to rush out, had +gone to sleep in the tree. +</p> +<p> +The poor fellow did not know what to say or do, and verily believed that +his last hour had come. The hangman began to make preparations to put +the noose round the victim's neck, who, when he saw that, bethought him +of a trick, which turned out well for him, and said; +</p> +<p> +"Monseigneur le Bailli, I beg you for God's sake, that before the +hangman lays hands on me, I may be allowed to play a tune on my bagpipe. +That is all I ask; after that I shall be ready to die, and I pardon you +and all the others for having caused my death." +</p> +<p> +His request was granted, and the bagpipe was handed up to him. As soon +as he had it, he began, as leisurely as he could, to play an air which +all his comrades knew very well, and which was called. "You stay too +long, Robin; you stay too long." +</p> +<p> +At the sound of the bagpipe the sentinel woke, and was so startled that +he tumbled out of the tree to the ground, and cried, +</p> +<p> +"They are hanging our comrade! Forward! Forward! make haste!" +</p> +<p> +His comrades were ready, and at the sound of the trumpet they sallied +out of the wood, and rushed upon the Bailly and all the others who were +round the gibbet. +</p> +<p> +The hangman was too frightened to put the rope round the man's neck and +push him off the ladder, but begged for his own life, which the other +would willingly have granted but it was not in his power. The victim, +however, did something better, for from his place on the ladder he +called out to his comrades, "Capture that man, he is rich; and that one, +he is dangerous." +</p> +<p> +In short, the Burgundians killed a great number of those who had come +out of Troyes, and captured many others, and saved their man, as you +have heard, but he said that never in all his life had he had such a +narrow escape as on that occasion. +</p> +<hr> +<a name="image-0044"><!--IMG--></a> +<center> +<img src="images/76.jpg" height="909" width="616" +alt="76.jpg" title=" Caught in the Act. +"> +</center> + +<a name="2H_4_0076"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> +<br /> +<br /> +<center> +<img alt="76pg (131K)" src="images/76pg.jpg" height="931" width="596" /> +</center> +<br /> +<br /> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + STORY THE SEVENTY-SIXTH — CAUGHT IN THE ACT. <a href="#note-76" name="noteref-76">76</a> +</h2> +<h3> + By Philippe De Laon. +</h3> +<blockquote><p> +<i>Of the chaplain to a knight of Burgundy who was enamoured of the wench +of the said knight, and of the adventure which happened on account of +his amour, as you will hear below.</i> +</p></blockquote> +<p> +I have often heard related, by people worthy of credit, a curious +history, which will furnish me a tale without my adding or suppressing +one word that is not needed. +</p> +<p> +Amongst the knights of Burgundy was formerly one, who, contrary to the +custom of the country, kept in his castle—which I will not name—a fair +wench to serve as his mistress. +</p> +<p> +His chaplain, who was young and frisky, seeing this nice wench, was not +so virtuous but that he felt tempted, and fell in love with her, and +when he saw his opportunity, told her of his love. The damsel, who was +as sharp as mustard, for she had knocked about so much that no one in +the world knew more than she did, thought to herself that if she granted +the priest's request her master would hear of it, however much she tried +to conceal it, and thus she would lose the greater for the less. +</p> +<p> +So she determined to relate the affair to her master, who when he heard +of it did nothing but laugh, for he had partly suspected it, having +noticed the looks, conversation and little love-tricks that passed +between the two. Nevertheless, he ordered the wench to lead the priest +on, without, however, granting him her favours; and she did it so well +that the priest fell into the trap. The knight used often to say him; +</p> +<p> +"By God, sir, you are too friendly with my chamber-wench. I do not know +what there is between you two, but if it is anything to my prejudice, by +Our Lady, I will punish the two of you." +</p> +<p> +"In truth, monseigneur," replied the Dominie. "I do not pretend to +expect anything from her. I talk to her to pass the time, as everyone +else in the house does, but never in my life would I seek her love, or +anything of the kind." +</p> +<p> +"Very well," said the lord, "if it were otherwise I should not be best +pleased." +</p> +<p> +If the Dominie had importuned her before, he now pursued her more than +ever, and wherever he met the wench he pressed her so closely that she +was obliged, whether she would or not, to listen to his requests, +and, being cunning and deceitful, she so played with the priest and +encouraged his love, that for her sake he would have fought Ogier the +Dane himself. +</p> +<p> +As soon as she had left him, the whole conversation that had passed +between them was related to her master. +</p> +<p> +To make the farce more amusing, and to deceive his chaplain, he ordered +the girl to appoint a night for him to be in the <i>ruelle</i> of the bed +where they slept. She was to say to him. "As soon as monseigneur is +asleep, I will do what you want; come quietly into the <i>ruelle</i> of the +bed." +</p> +<p> +"And you must," he said, "let him do what he likes, and so will I; and +I am sure that when he believes I am asleep, that he will soon have his +arms round you, and I will have ready, near your ——, a noose in which +he will be nicely caught." +</p> +<p> +The wench was very joyful and satisfied with this arrangement, and +gave the message to the Dominie, who never in his life had been more +delighted, and, without thinking of or imagining peril or danger, +entered his master's chamber, where the wench and his master slept. He +cast all sense and decency to the winds, and only thought of satisfying +his foolish lust,—albeit it was quite natural. +</p> +<p> +To cut the story short, Master Priest came at the hour appointed, and +crept quietly enough, God knows, into the <i>ruelle</i> of the bed, and his +mistress whispered to him; +</p> +<p> +"Don't say a word: when monsieur is fast asleep I will touch you, and +then come to me." +</p> +<p> +"Very good," he replied. +</p> +<p> +The good knight, who was not asleep, had a great inclination to laugh, +but checked himself, in order not to spoil the joke. As he had proposed +and arranged, he spread his noose where he wished, that is to say round +the spot where the priest wanted to get. +</p> +<p> +All being ready, the Dominie was called, and as gently as he could, +slipped into the bed, and without more ado, mounted on the heap in order +to see the further. (*) +</p> +<pre> + (*) A proverbial expression founded perhaps on some old + story which may be alluded to also in the 12th and 82nd + stories. +</pre> +<p> +As soon as he was lodged there, the good knight drew the cord tightly, +and said aloud, +</p> +<p> +"Ha! scoundrelly priest, is that the sort of man you are?" The priest +tried to run away, but he could not go far, for the instrument he had +tried to tune to the girl's fiddle was caught in the noose, at which +he was much frightened, and did not know what had happened to him. His +master pulled the cord more tightly, which would have given him great +pain if his fear and alarm had not conquered all other sentiments. +</p> +<p> +In a few moments he came to himself, and felt the pain and cried +piteously for mercy to his master, who had such a strong desire to laugh +that he could scarcely speak. He pulled the priest into the room and +said; +</p> +<p> +"Get out, and never come here again! I pardon you in this occasion, but +the second time I shall be inexorable." +</p> +<p> +"Oh, monsieur," he replied, "I will never do it again. It is all her +fault," and with that he ran away and the knight went to bed again, and +finished what the other had begun. +</p> +<p> +But you must know that never again was the priest found trespassing on +his master's preserves. Perhaps, as a recompense for his misfortunes the +girl afterwards took pity on him, and to ease her conscience lent him +her fiddle, and he tuned it so well that the master suffered both in +goods and honour. But now I will say no more, and end my story. +</p> +<hr> +<a name="2H_4_0077"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> +<br /> +<br /> +<center> +<img alt="77pg (134K)" src="images/77pg.jpg" height="943" width="573" /> +</center> +<br /> +<br /> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + STORY THE SEVENTY-SEVENTH — THE SLEEVELESS ROBE. +</h2> +<h3> + By Alardin. +</h3> +<blockquote><p> +<i>Of a gentleman of Flanders, who went to reside in France, but whilst he +was there his mother was very ill in Flanders; and how he often went +to visit her believing that she would die, and what he said and how he +behaved, as you will hear later.</i> +</p></blockquote> +<p> +A gentleman of Flanders had a mother who was very old and much weakened +by disease, and more sick and infirm than any woman of her age. Hoping +that she would get better, and be cured, he often came to see her, +although he resided in France, and each time that he came he found her +suffering so much that he thought her soul was about to leave her body. +</p> +<p> +On one occasion that he came to see her, she said to him at his +departure. +</p> +<p> +"Adieu, my son; I am sure that you will never see me again for I am +about to die." +</p> +<p> +"Devil take it, mother, you have said that so often that I am sick of +it. For three years past you have been repeating that, but you have done +nothing of the kind. Choose a day, I beg, and keep to it." +</p> +<p> +The good woman, when she heard her son's reply, smiled, though she was +so sick and old, and said farewell. +</p> +<p> +One year, then two years, passed, and still she lingered on. She was +again visited by her son, and one night when he was in bed in her house, +and she was so ill that all believed she was about to go to Mortaigne, +(*) those who watched her called her son, and told him to come to his +mother quickly, for that certainly she was about to die. +</p> +<pre> + (*) Mild puns on the names of places were very common in the + Middle Ages. +</pre> +<p> +"Do you say that she is about to die?" he replied. "By my soul, I will +not believe it; she always says that, but she never does it." +</p> +<p> +"No, no," said the nurses; "this time it is certain. Come quickly for it +is sure that she is dying." +</p> +<p> +"Very well, you go first and I will follow you; and tell my mother that +if she must go, not to go by Douai, for the road is so bad that I and my +horses were nearly swallowed up yesterday." +</p> +<p> +Nevertheless he rose, and put on his dressing-gown, and went off to see +his mother give her last grin. When he came he found her very ill, for +she had been in a swoon which all thought would carry her off, but, +thank God, she was now a little better. +</p> +<p> +"Did I not tell you so?" said this good son. "Every body in this house +declares, and she does herself, that she is dying—but nothing comes of +it. For God's sake choose a day—as I have often told you—and see that +you keep to it! I am going to return whence I came, and I recommend you +not to call me again. If she does die she must die alone, for I will not +keep her company." +</p> +<p> +Now I must tell you the end of this history. The lady, ill as she was, +recovered from this extreme sickness, and lived and languished as before +for the space of three years, during which time her good son visited her +once, and that was just as she was about to give up the ghost. But when +they came to seek him to come to her deathbed, he was trying on a new +habit and would not come. Message after message was sent to him, for his +good mother, who was nearing her end, wished to recommend her soul to +her son's care,—but to all the messages he replied; +</p> +<p> +"I am sure there is no hurry: she will wait till my habit is finished." +</p> +<p> +At last so many remonstrances were made to him that he went to his +mother, wearing a doublet with no sleeves to it, which, when she saw, +she asked him where were the sleeves. +</p> +<p> +"They are within there,—waiting to be finished as soon as you clear out +of the place." +</p> +<p> +"Then they will be soon finished," she replied; "for I go to God, to +whom I humbly recommend my soul; and to you also, my son." +</p> +<p> +Without another word she rendered her soul to God, with the Cross +between her arms; on seeing which her good son began to weep so loudly +that no one had ever heard the like; he could not be comforted, and at +the end of a fortnight he died of grief. +</p> +<hr> +<a name="image-0045"><!--IMG--></a> +<center> +<img src="images/78.jpg" height="898" width="616" +alt="78.jpg the Husband Turned Confessor. +"> +</center> + +<a name="2H_4_0078"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> +<br /> +<br /> +<center> +<img alt="78pg (141K)" src="images/78pg.jpg" height="938" width="583" /> +</center> +<br /> +<br /> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + STORY THE SEVENTY-EIGHTH — THE HUSBAND TURNED CONFESSOR. <a href="#note-78" name="noteref-78">78</a> +</h2> +<h3> + By Jehan Martin. +</h3> +<blockquote><p> +<i>Of a married gentleman who made many long voyages, during which time +his good and virtuous wife made the acquaintance of three good fellows, +as you will hear; and how she confessed her amours to her husband when +he returned from his travels, thinking she was confessing to the curé, +and how she excused herself, as will appear.</i> +</p></blockquote> +<p> +The province of Brabant is a fair and pleasant land, well provided with +pretty girls, who are generally clever and good; but as for the men, it +is said of them, with a good deal of truth, that the longer they live +the greater fools they become. +</p> +<p> +There was formerly a gentleman of this land who—being thereunto born +and destined—travelled much beyond seas to various places, as Cyprus, +Rhodes, and the adjacent parts, and at last came to Jerusalem, where he +received the order of knighthood. +</p> +<p> +During the time that he was away, his good wife was not idle, but took +her <i>quoniam</i> with three lovers, who like courtiers, each had audience +in turn and for a certain time. +</p> +<p> +First came a gentle squire, fresh and frisky, and in good health, who +spent so much upon her, physically and pecuniarily (for in truth +she plucked him well) that at last he was sick of it, and left her +altogether. +</p> +<p> +The one who came after him was a knight, and a man of a great +reputation, who was very glad to have acquired the succession, and +worked her as well as he could, paying his <i>quibus</i> (*), which no one +knew better than this lusty wench how to get out of a man. In short, if +the squire, who had previously held the position, had been plucked, the +knight was not less so, until at last he turned tail, took leave of her, +and left the place open to the next comer. +</p> +<pre> + (*) Property or wealth; the expression is still used in + familiar conversation. +</pre> +<p> +As a tit-bit to finish with, the damsel made the acquaintance of a rich +priest, and although he was cunning enough, and not over liberal with +money, he was despoiled of rich gowns, vessels, and other valuables. +</p> +<p> +Now it happened, thank God, that the husband of the wench let her know +that he was coming home; and how he had been made a knight at Jerusalem. +His good wife had the house cleaned and prepared as well as possible. +Everything was ready for his return, except the lady, and she was +somewhat disturbed on account of the vast quantity of booty—tapestry, +furniture, vessels, and other valuables—which she had gained upon her +back. +</p> +<p> +When her husband arrived, God knows what a joyful reception he had, +especially from the one who cared least about him, that is to say his +worthy wife. +</p> +<p> +I pass over all the welcomings, but her husband, although he was a fool, +could not help quickly noticing the heap of furniture, which was not +there at his departure. He went to the coffers, the buffets, and a +number of other places, and everywhere he found his store increased, and +the sight of all this booty filled his mind with evil thoughts, and in a +hot temper he called for his wife, and demanded to know whence had come +all these goods I have already-named. +</p> +<p> +"By St. John," said the lady, "that is a nice question. You have good +reason to go on like this and get so warm. To look at you one would +think you were cross." +</p> +<p> +"I am not in the best of tempers," he replied; "for I did not leave +you so much money that you could have saved enough to buy all these +utensils, hangings, and the other things that I find here. I suspect, +with good reason, that our household has been increased by some friend +of yours during my absence." +</p> +<p> +"By God!" replied the lady, "you are wrong to suspect me of such +misconduct. I would have you to know that I am not a woman of that kind, +but a better wife in every respect than you deserve; and it is not +right that after all the trouble I have taken to save and economise to +embellish and adorn your house and mine, that I should be reproved +and scolded. That is not at all the sort of reward that a good husband +should give to a chaste wife such as you have, you wicked wretch. It is +a great pity I have not been unfaithful to you, and I would be if I did +not value my honour and my soul." +</p> +<p> +This quarrel, though it lasted a long while, ceased for a time, for the +husband thought of a plan how to find out the truth about his wife. He +arranged with the curé, who was a great friend of his, that he should +hear her confession, and this he did with the help of the curé, who +managed the whole affair, for one morning in Easter week, the curé made +the husband put on the priest's robe, and then sent word to the lady to +come and confess. +</p> +<p> +It need not be asked if the husband was glad when he found himself thus +disguised. He went to the chapel, and entered the confessional without +saying a word; his wife approached and knelt at his feet, really +believing she was confessing to the curé, and said <i>Benedicite</i>. To this +her husband replied <i>Dominus</i>, as the curé had taught him, and whatever +else was necessary, as well as he could manage it. +</p> +<p> +After the good woman had made a general confession, she descended to +particulars, and told how, during the time that her husband had been +away, a squire had been his deputy, and from him she had acquired much +property, in gold, in silver, and in furniture. +</p> +<p> +God knows that the husband, when he heard this confession did not feel +very comfortable; he would willingly have killed her on the spot if he +had dared, nevertheless he was patient in order that he might hear the +rest. +</p> +<p> +When she had said all there was to say about the squire, she accused +herself of misconduct with the knight, who, like his predecessor, had +paid her well. The good husband, nearly bursting with grief, had a good +mind to discover himself and give her absolution without more ado, but +he did nothing of the kind, and waited to hear what more she would say. +</p> +<p> +After the knight came the turn of the priest, and at this the good +husband lost patience and would hear no more; he threw aside hood and +gown, and, showing himself said; +</p> +<p> +"False and perfidious woman! now I see and know your treason! And would +not a squire and a knight suffice you, but you must give yourself up +to a priest? This vexes me more than all the other sins you have +committed." +</p> +<p> +For a moment this brave dame was taken aback, but soon recovered her +confidence, and with a face as calm as though she had been the most just +and virtuous woman in the world, saying her prayers to God, she replied +as calmly as though the Holy Spirit had inspired her, +</p> +<p> +"Poor fool! why do you thus worry yourself, you know not wherefore? +Listen to me, if you please; and be assured that I knew perfectly well +that I was confessing to you. I served you as you deserved, and without +one word of falsehood confessed to you the real circumstances. These are +the facts: you are the squire who slept with me, for when I married you, +you were a squire, and did with me as you wished; you are the knight +of whom I spoke, for on your return you made me a lady; and you are the +priest also, for no one who is not a priest can hear a confession." +</p> +<p> +"By my oath, my dear," he replied, "you have convinced me, and proved to +me that you are a virtuous woman and that I was wrong to accuse you. I +repent, and ask your pardon, and promise never to suspect you again." +</p> +<p> +"I willingly pardon you," said his wife, "since you confess your fault." +</p> +<p> +Thus, as you have heard, was the good knight deceived by the ready wit +of his wife. +</p> +<hr> +<a name="2H_4_0079"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> +<br /> +<br /> +<center> +<img alt="79pg (137K)" src="images/79pg.jpg" height="967" width="586" /> +</center> +<br /> +<br /> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + STORY THE SEVENTY-NINTH — THE LOST ASS FOUND. <a href="#note-79" name="noteref-79">79</a> +</h2> +<h3> + By Michault De Changy. +</h3> +<blockquote><p> +<i>Of a good man of Bourbonnais who went to seek the advice of a wise man +of that place about an ass that he had lost, and how he believed that he +miraculously recovered the said ass, as you will hear hereafter.</i> +</p></blockquote> +<p> +In the fair land of Bourbonnais, where many good professions are carried +on, there lived, not long ago, a doctor of God knows what sort, for +never Hippocrates or Galen practised the science as he did. For instead +of syrups, decoctions, electuaries, and the hundred thousand other +things that physicians order to preserve the health of man, or restore +it if it is lost, this good doctor of whom I am speaking had only one +method of procedure, and that was to order clysters. Whatever matter was +brought to him, (*) he always exhibited clysters, and generally so well +did this remedy turn out that everyone was satisfied with him, and he +cured them all, so that his fame spread abroad and increased in such +a manner that he was called "Master" Jehan (**) by all, both in the +houses of princes and lords, and in the great abbeys, and in the towns, +and never was Aristotle or Galen so honoured, especially by the common +people, as was our said Master. And his fame so increased that his +advice was asked on every subject, and he was so incessantly in demand +that he did not know what to do. If a woman had a bad, or whimsical, or +capricious husband, she went to this good master for a remedy. In short, +if any could give good advice it was thought that our physician was at +the top of the tree in that respect, and people came to him from all +parts to enquire about lost property. +</p> +<pre> + (*) It was usual to bring the urine of an invalid to the + physician. + + (**) "Master" was then a title of honour. +</pre> +<p> +It happened one day that a poor foolish countryman had lost his ass, and +after seeking for it a long time, he determined to go to the wise man, +who when he arrived was so surrounded by people that the countryman +could not make himself heard. At last he broke through the crowd, and, +in the presence of many persons, related his case, that is to say that +he had lost his ass, and asked the doctor to get it back for him. +</p> +<p> +The master, who was listening to others more than to him, just heard the +sound of the words, and thinking he had some infirmity, turned towards +him, and in order to get rid of him, said to his servants, +</p> +<p> +"Give him a clyster!" +</p> +<p> +The poor man who had lost his ass, did not know what the master had +said, but he was seized by the physician's servants, who led him away +and gave him a clyster—at which he was much astonished, for he did not +know what it was. +</p> +<p> +When he had this clyster in his belly, he went away, without saying +anything more about his ass, which he fully believed he should recover. +</p> +<p> +He had not gone far when his belly was so tossed about that he was +forced to turn aside into a deserted hut, because of the clyster which +demanded to be let out. And when he began, he made such a terrible +noise, that his ass, which chanced to be straying near, began to bray, +and the good man rose up and cried, <i>Te Deum laudamus</i>, and went to his +ass, which he believed he had found by means of the clyster which he had +had from the Master, who after that had incomparably more renown than +ever; for he was looked-upon as the sure finder of all lost goods, +and the perfect master of all science, and all this fame sprang from a +single clyster. +</p> +<p> +Thus have you heard how the ass was found by means of a clyster; it is a +manifest fact, and one that often happens. +</p> +<hr> +<a name="image-0046"><!--IMG--></a> +<center> +<img src="images/80.jpg" height="891" width="622" +alt="80.jpg" title=" Good Measure! +"> +</center> + +<a name="2H_4_0080"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> +<br /> +<br /> +<center> +<img alt="80pg (140K)" src="images/80pg.jpg" height="961" width="593" /> +</center> +<br /> +<br /> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + STORY THE EIGHTIETH — GOOD MEASURE! <a href="#note-80" name="noteref-80">80</a> +</h2> +<h3> + By Michault De Changy. +</h3> +<blockquote><p> +<i>Of a young German girl, aged fifteen or sixteen or thereabouts who was +married to a gentle gallant, and who complained that her husband had too +small an organ for her liking, because she had seen a young ass of only +six months old which had a bigger instrument than her husband, who was +24 or 26 years old.</i> +</p></blockquote> +<p> +I have heard it related as true by two noble lords worthy of faith and +belief, that in the borders of Germany there lived a young girl, who at +the age of about 15 or 16 years was married to a worthy gentleman, who +did his best to satisfy the demands which, without saying a word, all +girls of that age and condition earnestly ask for. But though the +poor man did his duty well, and indeed more often than he should, the +performance was never agreeable to his wife, who was always sulky, +and often wept as sadly as though all her friends were dead. Her good +husband, seeing her thus lament, could not imagine what she could want, +and asked her tenderly; +</p> +<p> +"What is the matter, my dear? Are you not as well clothed, lodged, and +served, as people in our position of life can reasonably expect to be?" +</p> +<p> +"It is not that which vexes me," she replied. +</p> +<p> +"Then what can it be?" he asked. "Tell me, and if I can remedy it, I +will, at whatever cost to my purse or person." +</p> +<p> +Generally, she did not reply, but still sulked, and looked miserable, at +which her husband lost his patience, finding she would not tell him the +cause of her grief. But he enquired so often that at last he learned +partly what was the matter, for she told him that she was vexed because +he was so poorly furnished with you-know-what—that is to say the stick +with which you plant men, as Boccaccio calls it. +</p> +<p> +"Indeed!" said he, "and is that why you grieve? By St. Martin you have +good cause! At any rate it cannot be other than it is, and you must put +up with it, since you cannot change it." +</p> +<p> +This condition of affairs lasted a long time, till the husband, tired of +her obstinacy, one day invited to dinner a great number of her friends, +and stated the facts which have been already related, and said that +it seemed to him that she had no particular cause to grieve, for he +believed he was as well furnished with a natural instrument as any of +his neighbours. +</p> +<p> +"And that I may be the better believed," he said, "and that you may see +how wrong she is, I will show it you all." +</p> +<p> +With that he laid his furniture on the table before all the men and +women there assembled, and said; "There it is!" and his wife wept louder +than ever. +</p> +<p> +"By St. John!" said her mother, her sister, her aunt, her cousin, and +her neighbour, "you are wrong, my dear! What do you ask? Do you expect +more? Who would not be satisfied with a husband so furnished? So help me +God I should deem myself very happy to have as much, or indeed less. Be +comforted and enjoy yourself in future! By God, you are better off than +any of us I believe." +</p> +<p> +The young bride, hearing all the women thus speak, replied, still +weeping loudly. +</p> +<p> +"There is a little ass in the house, hardly half a year old, and who has +an instrument as big, as thick, and as long as your arm,"—and so saying +she held her arm by the elbow and shook it up and down—"and my husband, +who is quite 24 years old has but that little bit he has shown you. Do +you think I ought to be satisfied?" Everyone began to laugh, and she to +weep the more, so that for a long time not a word was said by any of +the company. Then her mother took the girl aside, and said one thing and +another to her, and left her satisfied after a great deal of trouble. +</p> +<p> +That is the way with the girls in Germany—if God pleases it will soon +be the same also in France. +</p> + + + + + + + + + +<a name="2H_NOTE"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div> + +<h2> + NOTES. +</h2> + + +<a name="note-61"><!--Note--></a> +<p class="foot"> +<u>61</u> (<a href="#noteref-61">return</a>)<br> +[ by Poncelet, or Pourcelet, one of the Council of the Duke +of Burgundy. No. 61 is also from an old <i>fabliau</i>, (<i>Les Cheveux +coupe's</i>). Mr. Wright also credits him with No. 89.] +</p> +<a name="note-63"><!--Note--></a> +<p class="foot"> +<u>63</u> (<a href="#noteref-63">return</a>)<br> +[ is related by Montbleru himself, according to Mr. Wright's +edition, but in Vérard there is no author's name.] +</p> +<a name="note-64"><!--Note--></a> +<p class="foot"> +<u>64</u> (<a href="#noteref-64">return</a>)<br> +[ From an old <i>fabliau</i>, and often imitated.] +</p> +<a name="note-69"><!--Note--></a> +<p class="foot"> +<u>69</u> (<a href="#noteref-69">return</a>)<br> +[ M. Leroux de Lincy believes that Le Sage took the story of +Dona Mencia,—intercalated in <i>Gil Blas</i>—from this tale.] +</p> +<a name="note-75"><!--Note--></a> +<p class="foot"> +<u>75</u> (<a href="#noteref-75">return</a>)<br> +[ Gui, Seigneur de Thalemas died, without issue, in 1463.] +</p> +<a name="note-76"><!--Note--></a> +<p class="foot"> +<u>76</u> (<a href="#noteref-76">return</a>)<br> +[ Taken from the <i>Facetiae</i> of Poggio.] +</p> +<a name="note-78"><!--Note--></a> +<p class="foot"> +<u>78</u> (<a href="#noteref-78">return</a>)<br> +[ This story is originally found in Boccaccio (<i>Dec</i>. day +VII, nov V) and in an old <i>fabliau</i>. (<i>Le Chevalier qui fist sa femme +confesser</i>). La Fontaine has imitated it. See note on No. 82.] +</p> +<a name="note-79"><!--Note--></a> +<p class="foot"> +<u>79</u> (<a href="#noteref-79">return</a>)<br> +[ Taken from the <i>Facetiae</i> of Poggio.] +</p> +<a name="note-80"><!--Note--></a> +<p class="foot"> +<u>80</u> (<a href="#noteref-80">return</a>)<br> +[ Taken from the <i>Facetiae</i> of Poggio.] +</p> + + +<br /> +<br /> + + + +</body> +</html> + + |