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diff --git a/18364.txt b/18364.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fb9d2ae --- /dev/null +++ b/18364.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9416 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook, My War Experiences in Two Continents, by +Sarah Macnaughtan, Edited by Betty Keays-Young + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: My War Experiences in Two Continents + + +Author: Sarah Macnaughtan + +Editor: Betty Keays-Young + +Release Date: May 10, 2006 [eBook #18364] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MY WAR EXPERIENCES IN TWO +CONTINENTS*** + + +E-text prepared by David Clarke, gvb, and the Project Gutenberg Online +Distributed Proofreading Team (http://www.pgdp.net/) from page images +generously made available by Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries +(http://www.archive.org/details/toronto) + + + +Note: Images of the original pages are available through + Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries. See + http://www.archive.org/details/wartwocontinents00macnuoft + + +Transcriber's note: + + The unique headers on the odd numbered pages in the original + book have been reproduced with [Page Heading: ] tags. They + have been inserted in front of the paragraph or letter to + which the heading refers. + + There are several inconsistencies in spelling and punctuation + in the original. A few corrections have been made for obvious + typographical errors; these, as well as some doubtful spellings + of names, have been marked individually in the text. All + changes made by the transcriber are enumerated in braces, for + example {1}; details of corrections and comments are listed at + the end of the text. + + Text in italics in the original is shown between _underlines_. + + + + + +MY WAR EXPERIENCES IN TWO CONTINENTS + +by + +S. MACNAUGHTAN + +Edited by Her Niece, Mrs. Lionel Salmon (Betty Keays-Young) + +With a Portrait + + + + + + + +[Illustration: Camera Portrait by E. O. Hoppe.] + + + + +London +John Murray, Albemarle Street, W. +1919 + + + + +THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED, +IN ACCORDANCE WITH A WISH EXPRESSED BY +MISS MACNAUGHTAN BEFORE HER DEATH, + +TO + +THOSE WHO ARE FIGHTING AND +THOSE WHO HAVE FALLEN, + +WITH ADMIRATION AND RESPECT, +AND TO + +HER NEPHEWS, + +CAPTAIN LIONEL SALMON, 1st Bn. the Welch Regt. +CAPTAIN HELIER PERCIVAL, M.C., 9th Bn. the Welch Regt. +CAPTAIN ALAN YOUNG, 2nd Bn. the Welch Regt. +CAPTAIN COLIN MACNAUGHTAN, 2nd Dragoon Guards. +LIEUTENANT RICHARD YOUNG, 9th Bn. the Welch Regt. + + + + +CONTENTS + + PAGE + PREFACE ix + + + PART I + BELGIUM + + CHAPTER I + ANTWERP 1 + + CHAPTER II + WITH DR. HECTOR MUNRO'S FLYING AMBULANCE CORPS 24 + + CHAPTER III + AT FURNES RAILWAY-STATION 60 + + CHAPTER IV + WORKING UNDER DIFFICULTIES 85 + + CHAPTER V + THE SPRING OFFENSIVE 111 + + CHAPTER VI + LAST DAYS IN FLANDERS 135 + + + PART II + AT HOME + + HOW THE MESSAGE WAS DELIVERED 159 + + + PART III + RUSSIA AND THE PERSIAN FRONT + + CHAPTER I + PETROGRAD 179 + + CHAPTER II + WAITING FOR WORK 204 + + CHAPTER III + SOME IMPRESSIONS OF TIFLIS AND ARMENIA 219 + + CHAPTER IV + ON THE PERSIAN FRONT 237 + + CHAPTER V + THE LAST JOURNEY 258 + + + CONCLUSION 272 + + INDEX 281 + + + + +PREFACE + + +In presenting these extracts from the diaries of my aunt, the late Miss +Macnaughtan, I feel it necessary to explain how they come to be +published, and the circumstances under which I have undertaken to edit +them. + +After Miss Macnaughtan's death, her executors found among her papers a +great number of diaries. There were twenty-five closely written volumes, +which extended over a period of as many years, and formed an almost +complete record of every incident of her life during that time. + +It is amazing that the journal was kept so regularly, as Miss +Macnaughtan suffered from writer's cramp, and the entries could only +have been written with great difficulty. Frequently a passage is begun +in the writing of her right, and finished in that of her left hand, and +I have seen her obliged to grasp her pencil in her clenched fist before +she was able to indite a line. In only one volume, however, do we find +that she availed herself of the services of her secretary to dictate the +entries and have them typed. + +The executors found it extremely difficult to know how to deal with such +a vast mass of material. Miss Macnaughtan was a very reserved woman.{1} +She lived much alone, and the diary was her only confidante. In one of +her books she says that expression is the most insistent of human needs, +and that the inarticulate man or woman who finds no outlet in speech or +in the affections, will often keep a little locked volume in which self +can be safely revealed. Her diary occupied just such a place in her own +inner life, and for that reason one hesitates to submit its pages even +to the most loving and sympathetic scrutiny. + +But Miss Macnaughtan's diary fulfilled a double purpose. She used it +largely as material for her books. Ideas for stories, fragments of plays +and novels, are sketched in on spare sheets, and the pages are full of +the original theories and ideas of a woman who never allowed anyone else +to do her thinking for her. A striking sermon or book may be criticised +or discussed, the pros and cons of some measure of social reform weighed +in the balance; and the actual daily chronicle of her busy life, of her +travels, her various experiences and adventures, makes a most +interesting and fascinating tale. + +So much of the material was obviously intended to form the basis for an +autobiography that the executors came to the conclusion that it would be +a thousand pities to withhold it from the public, and at some future +date it is very much hoped to produce a complete life of Miss +Macnaughtan as narrated in her diaries. Meanwhile, however, the +publisher considers that Miss Macnaughtan's war experiences are of +immediate interest to her many friends and admirers, and I have been +asked to edit those volumes which refer to her work in Belgium, at +home, in Russia, and on the Persian front. + +Except for an occasional word where the meaning was obscure, I have +added nothing to the diaries. I have, of course, omitted such passages +as appeared to be private or of family interest only; but otherwise I +have contented myself with a slight rearrangement of some of the +paragraphs, and I have inserted a few letters and extracts from letters, +which give a more interesting or detailed account of some incident than +is found in the corresponding entry in the diary. With these exceptions +the book is published as Miss Macnaughtan wrote it. I feel sure that her +own story of her experiences would lose much of its charm if I +interfered with it, and for this reason I have preserved the actual +diary form in which it was written. + +To many readers of Miss Macnaughtan's books her diaries of the war may +come as a slight surprise. There is a note of depression and sadness, +and perhaps even of criticism, running through them, which is lacking in +all her earlier writings. I would remind people that this book is the +work of a dying woman; during the whole of the period covered by it, the +author was seriously ill, and the horror and misery of the war, and the +burden of a great deal of personal sorrow, have left their mark on her +account of her experiences. + +I should like to thank those relations and friends of Miss Macnaughtan +who have allowed me to read and publish the letters incorporated in this +book, and I gratefully acknowledge the help and advice I have received +in my task from my mother, from my husband, and from Miss Hilda Powell, +Mr. Stenning, and Mr. R. Sommerville. I desire also to express my +gratitude to Mr. John Murray for many valuable hints and suggestions +about the book, and for the trouble he has so kindly taken to help me to +prepare it for the press. + +BETTY SALMON. + +ZILLEBEKE, WALTHAM ST. LAWRENCE, +TWYFORD, BERKSHIRE, +_October, 1918._ + + + + +MY WAR EXPERIENCES IN TWO CONTINENTS + + +PART I + +BELGIUM + + + + +CHAPTER I + +ANTWERP + + +On September 20th, 1914, I left London for Antwerp. At the station I +found I had forgotten my passport and Mary had to tear back for it. +Great perturbation, but kept this dark from the rest of the staff, for +they are all rather serious and I am head of the orderlies. We got under +way at 4 a.m. next morning. All instantly began to be sick. I think I +was the worst and alarmed everybody within hearing distance. One more +voyage I hope--home--then dry land for me. + +We arrived at Antwerp on the 22nd, twenty-four hours late. The British +Consul sent carriages, etc., to meet us. Drove to the large Philharmonic +Hall, which has been given us as a hospital. Immediately after breakfast +we began to unpack beds, etc., and our enormous store of medical things; +all feeling remarkably empty and queer, but put on heroic smiles and +worked like mad. Some of the staff is housed in a convent and the rest +in rooms over the Philharmonic Hall. + +_23 September._--Began to get things into order and to allot each person +her task. Our unit consists of Mrs. St. Clair Stobart, its head; Doctors +Rose Turner, F. Stoney, Watts, Morris, Hanson and Ramsey (all women); +orderlies--me, Miss Randell (interpreter), Miss Perry, Dick, Stanley, +Benjamin, Godfrey,{2} Donnisthorpe, Cunliffe, and Mr. Glade. Everyone +very zealous and inclined to do anybody's work except their own. Keen +competition for everyone else's tools, brooms, dusters, etc. Great +roaming about. All mean well. + +_25 September._--Forty wounded men were brought into our hospital +yesterday. Fortunately we had everything ready, but it took a bit of +doing. We are all dead tired, and not so keen as we were about doing +other people's work. + +The wounded are not very bad, and have been sent on here from another +hospital. They are enchanted with their quarters, which indeed do look +uncommonly nice. One hundred and thirty beds are ranged in rows, and we +have a bright counterpane on each and clean sheets. The floor is +scrubbed, and the bathrooms, store, office, kitchens, and +receiving-rooms have been made out of nothing, and look splendid. I +never saw a hospital spring up like magic in this way before. There is a +wide verandah where the men play cards, and a garden to stump about in. + +The gratitude of our patients is boundless, and they have presented Mrs. +Stobart with a beautiful basket of growing flowers. I do not think +Englishmen would have thought of such a thing. They say they never +tasted such cooking as ours outside Paris, and they are rioting in good +food, papers, nice beds, etc. Nearly all of them are able to get out a +little, so it is quite cheery nursing them. There is a lot to do, and we +all fly about in white caps. The keenest competition is for sweeping out +the ward with a long-handled hair brush! + +[Page Heading: THE DEFENCES OF THE TOWN] + +I went into the town to-day. It is very like every other foreign town, +with broad streets and tram-lines and shops and squares, but to-day I +had an interesting drive. I took a car and went out to the second line +of forts. The whole place was a mass of wire entanglements, mined at +every point, and the fields were studded with strong wooden spikes. +There were guns everywhere, and in one place a whole wood and a village +had been laid level with the ground to prevent the enemy taking cover. +We heard the sound of firing last night! + + * * * * * + +_To Mrs. Keays-Young._ + +RUE DE L'HARMONIE 68, ANTWERP, +_25 September._ + +DEAREST BABE, + +It was delightful getting your letter. Our wounded are all French or +Belgians, but there is a bureau of enquiry in the town where I will go +to try to hear tidings of your poor friends. + +We heard the guns firing last night, and fifty wounded were sent in +during the afternoon. In one day 2,500 wounded reached Antwerp. I can +write this sort of thing to-day as I know my letter will be all right. +To show you that the fighting is pretty near, two doctors went for a +short motor drive to-day and they found two wounded men. One was just +dying, the other they brought back in the car, but he died also. In the +town itself everything seems much as usual except for crowds of +refugees. Do not believe people when they say German barbarity is +exaggerated. It is hideously true. + +We are fearfully busy, and it seems a queer side of war to cook and race +around and make doctors as comfortable as possible. We have a capital +staff, who are made up of zeal and muscle. I do not know how long it can +last. We breakfast at 7.30, which means that most of the orderlies are +up at 5.45 to prepare and do everything. The fare is very plain and +terribly wholesome, but hardly anyone grumbles. I am trying to get girls +to take two hours off duty in the day, but they won't do it. + +Have you any friends who would send us a good big lot of nice jam? It is +for the staff. If you could send some cases of it at once to Miss Stear, +39, St. James's Street, London, and put my name on it, and say it is for +our hospital, she will bring it here herself with some other things. +Some of your country friends might like to help in a definite little way +like this. + +Your loving +SARAH. + +---- is going to England to-night and will take this. + + * * * * * + +_27 September._--Yesterday, when we were in the town, a German airship +flew overhead and dropped bombs. A lot of guns fired at it, but it was +too high up to hit. The incident caused some excitement in the streets. + +[Page Heading: ARRIVAL OF WOUNDED] + +Last night we heard that more wounded were coming in from the +fighting-line near Ghent. We got sixty more beds ready, and sat up late, +boiling water, sterilising instruments, preparing operating-tables and +beds, etc., etc. As it got later all the lights in the huge ward were +put out, and we went about with little torches amongst the sleeping men, +putting things in order and moving on tip-toe in the dark. Later we +heard that the wounded might not get in till Monday. + +The work of this place goes on unceasingly. We all get on well, but I +have not got the communal spirit, and the fact of being a unit of women +is not the side of it that I find most interesting. The communal food is +my despair. I can _not_ eat it. All the same this is a fine experience, +and I hope we'll come well out of it. There is boundless opportunity, +and we are in luck to have a chance of doing our darndest. + +_28 September._--Last night I and two orderlies slept over at the +hospital as more wounded were expected. At 11 p.m. word came that "les +blesses" were at the gate. Men were on duty with stretchers, and we went +out to the tram-way cars in which the wounded are brought from the +station, twelve patients in each. The transit is as little painful as +possible, and the stretchers are placed in iron brackets, and are +simply unhooked when the men arrive. Each stretcher was brought in and +laid on a bed in the ward, and the nurses and doctors undressed the men. +We orderlies took their names, their "matricule" or regimental number, +and the number of their bed. Then we gathered up their clothes and put +corresponding numbers on labels attached to them--first turning out the +pockets, which are filled with all manner of things, from tins of +sardines to loaded revolvers. They are all very pockety, but have to be +turned out before the clothes are sent to be baked. + +We arranged everything, and then got Oxo for the men, many of whom had +had nothing to eat for two days. They are a nice-looking lot of men and +boys, with rather handsome faces and clear eyes. Their absolute +exhaustion is the most pathetic thing about them. They fall asleep even +when their wounds are being dressed. When all was made straight and +comfortable for them, the nurses turned the lights low again, and +stepped softly about the ward with their little torches. + +A hundred beds all filled with men in pain give one plenty to think +about, and it is during sleep that their attitudes of suffering strike +one most. Some of them bury their heads in their pillows as shot +partridges seek to bury theirs amongst autumn leaves. Others lie very +stiff and straight, and all look very thin and haggard. I was struck by +the contrast between the pillared concert-hall where they lie, with its +platform of white paint and decorations, and the tragedy of suffering +which now fills it. + +At 2 a.m. more soldiers were brought in from the battlefield, all caked +with dirt, and we began to work again. These last blinked oddly at the +concert-hall and nurses and doctors, but I think they do not question +anything much. They only want to go to sleep. + +[Page Heading: A VISIT FROM SOME DESERTERS] + +I suppose that women would always be tender-hearted towards deserters. +Three of them arrived at the hospital to-day with some absurd story +about having been told to report themselves. We got them supper and a +hot bath and put them to bed. One can't regret it. I never saw men sleep +as they did. All through the noise of the wounded being brought in, all +through the turned-up lights and bustle they never even stirred, but a +sergeant discovered them, and at 3 a.m. they were marched away again. We +got them breakfast and hot tea, and at least they had had a few hours +between clean sheets. These men seem to carry so much, and the roads are +heavy. + +At 5 o'clock I went to bed and slept till 8. Mrs. Stobart never rests. I +think she must be made of some substance that the rest of us have not +discovered. At 5 a.m. I discovered her curled up on a bench in her +office, the doors wide open and the dawn breaking. + +_2 October._--Here is a short account of one whole day. Firing went on +all night, sometimes it came so near that the vibration of it was rather +startling. In the early morning we heard that the forts had been heavily +fired on. One of them remained silent for a long time, and then the +garrison lighted cart-loads of straw in order to deceive the Germans, +who fell into the trap, thinking the fort was disabled and on fire, and +rushed in to take it. They were met with a furious cannonade. But one of +the other forts has fallen. + +At 7 a.m. the men's bread had not arrived for their 6 o'clock breakfast, +so I went into the town to get it. The difficulty was to convey home +twenty-eight large loaves, so I went to the barracks and begged a +motor-car from the Belgian officer and came back triumphant. The +military cars simply rip through the streets, blowing their horns all +the time. Antwerp was thronged with these cars, and each one contained +soldiers. Sometimes one saw wounded in them lying on sacks stuffed with +straw. + +I came down to breakfast half-an-hour late (8 o'clock) and we had our +usual fare--porridge, bread and margarine, and tea with tinned +milk--amazingly nasty, but quite wholesome and filling at the price. We +have reduced our housekeeping to ninepence per head per day. After +breakfast I cleaned the two houses, as I do every morning, made nine +beds, swept floors and dusted stairs, etc. When my rooms were done and +jugs filled, our nice little cook gave me a cup of soup in the kitchen, +as she generally does, and I went over to the hospital to help prepare +the men's dinner, my task to-day being to open bottles and pour out beer +for a hundred and twenty men; then, when the meat was served, to procure +from the kitchen and serve out gravy. Our own dinner is at 12.30. + +Afterwards I went across to the hospital again and arranged a few +things with Mrs. Stobart. I began to correct the men's diagnosis sheets, +but was called off to help with wounded arriving, and to label and sort +their clothes. Just then the British Minister, Sir Francis Villiers, and +the Surgeon-General, Sir Cecil Herslet, came in to see the hospital, and +we proceeded to show them round, when the sound of firing began quite +close to us and we rushed out into the garden. + +[Page Heading: A TAUBE OVERHEAD] + +From out the blue, clear autumn sky came a great grey dove flying +serenely overhead. This was a German aeroplane of the class called the +Taube (dove). These aeroplanes are quite beautiful in design, and fly +with amazing rapidity. This one wafted over our hospital with all the +grace of a living creature "calm in the consciousness of wings," and +then, of course, we let fly at it. From all round us shells were sent up +into the vast blue of the sky, and still the grey dove went on in its +gentle-looking flight. Whoever was in it must have been a brave man! All +round him shells were flying--one touch and he must have dropped. The +smoke from the burst shells looked like little white clouds in the sky +as the dove sailed away into the blue again and was seen no more. + +We returned to our work in hospital. The men's supper is at six o'clock, +and we began cutting up their bread-and-butter and cheese and filling +their bowls of beer. When that was over and visitors were going, an +order came for thirty patients to proceed to Ostend and make room for +worse cases. We were sorry to say good-bye to them, especially to a nice +fellow whom we call Alfred because he can speak English, and to Sunny +Jim, who positively refused to leave. + +Poor boys! With each batch of the wounded, disabled creatures who are +carried in, one feels inclined to repeat in wonder, "Can one man be +responsible for all this? Is it for one man's lunatic vanity that men +are putting lumps of lead into each other's hearts and lungs, and boys +are lying with their heads blown off, or with their insides beside them +on the ground?" Yet there is a splendid freedom about being in the midst +of death--a certain glory in it, which one can't explain. + +A piece of shell fell through the roof of the hospital to-day--evidently +a part of one that had been fired at the Taube. It fell close beside the +bed of one of our wounded, and he went as white as a ghost. It must be +pretty bad to be powerless and have shells falling around. The doctors +tell me that nothing moves them so much as the terror of the men. Their +nerves are simply shattered, and everything frightens them. Rather late +a man was brought in from the forts, terribly wounded. He was the only +survivor of twelve comrades who stood together, and a shell fell amongst +them, killing all but this man. + +At seven o'clock we moved all the furniture from Mrs. Stobart's office +to the dispensary, where she will have more room, and the day's work was +then over and night work began for some. The Germans have destroyed the +reservoir and the water-supply has been cut off, so we have to go and +fetch all the water in buckets from a well. After supper we go with our +pails and carry it home. The shortage for washing, cleaning, etc., is +rather inconvenient, and adds to the danger in a large hospital, and to +the risk of typhoid. + +[Page Heading: ORDERS TO EVACUATE THE HOSPITAL] + +_4 October._--Yesterday our work was hardly over when Mrs. Stobart sent +a summons to all of us "heads" to come to her bureau. She had grave news +for us. The British Consul had just been to say that all the English +must leave Antwerp; two forts had fallen, and the Germans were hourly +expected to begin shelling the town. We were told that all the wounded +who could travel were to go to Ostend, and the worst cases were to be +transferred to the Military Hospital. + +I do not think it would be easy to describe the confusion that followed. +All the men's clothes had to be found, and they had to be got into them, +and woe betide if a little cap or old candle was missing! All wanted +serving at once; all wanted food before starting. In the midst of the +general melee I shall always remember one girl, silently, quickly, and +ceaselessly slicing bread with a loaf pressed to her waist, and handing +it across the counter to the men. + +With one or two exceptions the staff all wanted to remain in Antwerp. I +myself decided to abandon the unit and stay on here as an individual or +go to Ostend with the men. Mrs. Stobart, being responsible, had to take +the unit home. It was a case of leaving immediately; we packed what +stores we could, but the beds and X-ray apparatus and all our material +equipment would have to be left to the Germans. I think all felt as +though they were running away, but it was a military order, and the +Consul, the British Minister, and the King and Queen were leaving. We +went to eat lunch together, and as we were doing so Mrs. Stobart brought +the news that the Consul had come to say that reinforcements had come +up, the situation changed for the better, and for the present we might +remain. Anyone who wanted to leave might do so, but only four did. + +We have since heard what happened. The British Minister cabled home to +say that Antwerp was the key to the whole situation and must not fall, +as once in here the Germans would be strongly entrenched, supplied with +provisions, ammunition, and everything they want. A Cabinet Council was +held at 3 a.m. in London, and reinforcements were ordered up. Winston +Churchill is here with Marines. They say Colonel Kitchener is at the +forts. + +The firing sounds very near. Dr. Hector Munro and Miss St. Clair and +Lady Dorothy Fielding came over to-day from Ghent, where all is quiet. +They wanted me to return with them to take a rest, which was absurd, of +course. + +Some fearful cases were brought in to us to-day. My God, the horror of +it! One has heard of men whom their mothers would not recognise. Some of +the wounded to-day were amongst these. All the morning we did what we +could for them. One man was riddled with bullets, and died very soon. + +It is awful work. The great bell rings, and we say, "More wounded," and +the men get stretchers. We go down the long, cold covered way to the +gate and number the men for their different beds. The stretchers are +stiff with blood, and the clothes have to be cut off the men. They cry +out terribly, and their _horror_ is so painful to witness. They are so +young, and they have seen right into hell. The first dressings are +removed by the doctors--sometimes there is only a lump of cotton-wool to +fill up a hole--and the men lie there with their tragic eyes fixed upon +one. All day a nurse has sat by a man who has been shot through the +lungs. Each breath is painful; it does not bear writing about. The pity +of it all just breaks one's heart. But I suppose we do not see nearly +the worst of the wounded. + +The lights are all off at eight o'clock now, and we do our work in the +dark, while the orderlies hold little torches to enable the doctors to +dress the wounds. There are not _half_ enough nurses or doctors out +here. In one hospital there are 400 beds and only two trained nurses. + +[Page Heading: ARRIVAL OF BRITISH TROOPS] + +Some of our own troops came through the town in London omnibuses to-day. +It was quite a Moment, and we felt that all was well. We went to the +gate and shook hands with them as they passed, and they made jokes and +did us all good. We cheered and waved handkerchiefs. + +_5-6 October._--I think the last two days have been the most ghastly I +ever remember. Every day seems to bring news of defeat. It is awful, and +the Germans are quite close now. As I write the house shakes with the +firing. Our troops are falling back, and the forts have fallen. Last +night we took provisions and water to the cellars, and made plans to get +the wounded taken there. + +They say the town will be shelled to-morrow. All these last two days +bleeding men have been brought in. To-day three of them died, and I +suppose none of them was more than 23. We have to keep up all the time +and show a good face, and meals are quite cheery. To-day, Tuesday, was +our last chance of leaving, and only two went. + +The guns boom by day as well as by night, and as each one is heard one +thinks of more bleeding, shattered men. It is calm, nice autumn weather; +the trees are yellow in the garden and the sky is blue, yet all the time +one listens to the cries of men in pain. To-night I meant to go out for +a little, but a nurse stopped me and asked me to sit by a dying man. +Poor fellow, he was twenty-one, and looked like some brigand chief, and +he smiled as he was dying. The horror of these two days will last +always, and there are many more such days to come. Everyone is behaving +well, and that is all I care about. + +_7 October._--It is a glorious morning: they will see well to kill each +other to-day. + +The guns go all day and all night. They are so close that the earth +shakes with them. Last night in the infernal darkness we were turning +wounded men away from the door. There was no room for them even on the +floor. The Belgians scream terribly. Our own men suffer quite quietly. +One of them died to-day. + +Day and night a stream of vehicles passes the gate. It never ceases. +Nearly all are motors, driven at a furious pace, and they sound horns +all the time. These are met by a stream of carts and old-fashioned +vehicles bringing in country people, who are flying to the coast. In +Antwerp to-day it was "sauve qui peut"! Nearly all the men are +going--Mr. ----, who has helped us, and Mr. ----, they are going to +bicycle into Holland. A surgeon (Belgian) has fled from his hospital, +leaving seven hundred beds, and there seem to be a great many deserters +from the trenches. + +[Page Heading: THE SITUATION GETS WORSE] + +The news is still the same--"very bad"; sometimes I walk to the gate and +ask returning soldiers how the battle goes, but the answer never varies. +At lunch-time to-day firing ceased, and I heard it was because the +German guns were coming up. We got orders to send away all the wounded +who could possibly go, and we prepared beds in the cellars for those who +cannot be moved. The military authorities beg us to remain as so many +hospitals have been evacuated. + +The wounded continue to come in. One sees one car in the endless stream +moving slowly (most of them _fly_ with their officers sitting upright, +or with aeroplanes on long carriages), and one knows by the pace that +more wounded are coming. Inside one sees the horrible six shelves behind +the canvas curtain, and here and there a bound-up limb or head. One of +our men had his leg taken off to-day, and is doing well. Nothing goes on +much behind the scenes. The yells of the men are plainly heard, and +to-day, as I sat beside the lung man who was taking so long to die, +someone brought a sack to me, and said, "This is for the leg." All the +orderlies are on duty in the hospital now. We can spare no one for +rougher work. We can all bandage and wash patients. There are wounded +everywhere, even on straw beds on the platform of the hall. + +Darkness seems to fall early, and it is the darkness that is so +baffling. At 5 p.m. we have to feed everyone while there is a little +light, then the groping about begins, and everyone falls over things. +There is a clatter of basins on the floor or an over-turned chair. Any +sudden noise is rather trying at present because of the booming of the +guns. At 7 last night they were much louder than before, with a sort of +strange double sound, and we were told that these were our "Long Toms," +so we hope that our Naval Brigade has come up. + +We know very little of what is going on except when we run out and ask +some returning English soldiers for news. Yesterday it was always the +same reply "Very bad." One of the Marines told me that Winston Churchill +was "up and down the road amongst the shells," and I was also told that +he had given orders that Antwerp was not to be taken till the last man +in it was dead. + +The Marines are getting horribly knocked about. Yesterday Mrs. O'Gormon +went out in her own motor-car and picked wounded out of the trenches. +She said that no one knew why they were in the trenches or where they +were to fire--they just lay there and were shot and then left. + +[Page Heading: HOW WE KEPT UP OUR COURAGE] + +I think I have seen too much pain lately. At Walworth one saw women +every day in utter pain, and now one lives in an atmosphere of bandages +and blood. I asked some of the orderlies to-day what it was that +supported them most at a crisis of this sort. The answers varied, and +were interesting. I myself am surprised to find that religion is not my +best support. When I go into the little chapel to pray it is all too +tender, the divine Mother and the Child and the holy atmosphere. I begin +to feel rather sorry for myself, I don't know why; then I go and move +beds and feel better; but I have found that just to behave like a +well-bred woman is what keeps me up best. I had thought that the Flag or +Religion would have been stronger incentives to me. + +Our own soldiers seem to find self-respect their best asset. It is +amazing to see the difference between them and the Belgians, who are +terribly poor hands at bearing pain, and beg for morphia all the time. +An officer to-day had to have a loose tooth out. He insisted on having +cocaine, and then begged the doctor to be careful! + +The firing now is furious--sometimes there are five or six explosions +almost simultaneously. I suppose we shall read in the _Times_ that "all +is quiet," and in _Le Matin_ that "pour le reste tout est calme." + +The staff are doing well. They are generally too busy to be frightened, +but one has to speak once or twice to them before they hear. + +On Wednesday night, the 7th October, we heard that one more ship was +going to England, and a last chance was given to us all to leave. Only +two did so; the rest stayed on. Mrs. Stobart went out to see what was to +be done. The ---- Consul said that we were under his protection, and +that if the Germans entered the town he would see that we were treated +properly. We had a deliberately cheerful supper, and afterwards a man +called Smits came in and told us that the Germans had been driven back +fifteen kilometres. I myself did not believe this, but we went to bed, +and even took off our clothes. + +At midnight the first shell came over us with a shriek, and I went down +and woke the orderlies and nurses and doctors. We dressed and went over +to help move the wounded at the hospital. The shells began to scream +overhead; it was a bright moonlight night, and we walked without +haste--a small body of women--across the road to the hospital. Here we +found the wounded all yelling like mad things, thinking they were going +to be left behind. The lung man has died. + +Nearly all the moving to the cellars had already been done--only three +stretchers remained to be moved. One wounded English sergeant helped us. +Otherwise everything was done by women. We laid the men on mattresses +which we fetched from the hospital overhead, and then Mrs. Stobart's +mild, quiet voice said, "Everything is to go on as usual. The night +nurses and orderlies will take their places. Breakfast will be at the +usual hour." She and the other ladies whose night it was to sleep at the +convent then returned to sleep in the basement with a Sister. + +[Page Heading: THE BOMBARDMENT] + +We came in for some most severe shelling at first, either because we +flew the Red Cross flag or because we were in the line of fire with a +powder magazine which the Germans wished to destroy. We sat in the +cellars with one night-light burning in each, and with seventy wounded +men to take care of. Two of them were dying. There was only one line of +bricks between us and the shells. One shell fell into the garden, making +a hole six feet deep; the next crashed through a house on the opposite +side of the road and set it on fire. The danger was two-fold, for we +knew our hospital, which was a cardboard sort of thing, would ignite +like matchwood, and if it fell we should not be able to get out of the +cellars. Some people on our staff were much against our making use of a +cellar at all for this reason. I myself felt it was the safest place, +and as long as we stayed with the wounded they minded nothing. We sat +there all night. + +The English sergeant said that at daybreak the firing would probably +cease, as the German guns stopped when daylight came in order to conceal +the guns. We just waited for daybreak. When it came the firing grew +worse. The sergeant said, "It is always worse just before they stop," +but the firing did not stop. Two hundred guns were turned on Antwerp, +and the shells came over at the rate of four a minute. They have a +horrid screaming sound as they come. We heard each one coming and +wondered if it would hit us, and then we heard the crashing somewhere +else and knew another shell was coming. + +The worst cases among the wounded lay on the floor, and these wanted +constant attention. The others were in their great-coats, and stood +about the cellar leaning on crutches and sticks. We wrapped blankets +round the rheumatism cases and sat through the long night. Sometimes +when we heard a crash near by we asked "Is that the convent?" but +nothing else was said. All spoke cheerfully, and there was some laughter +in the further cellar. One little red-haired nurse enjoyed the whole +thing. I saw her carry three wounded men in succession on her back down +to the cellar. I found myself wishing that for me a shot would come and +finish the horrible night. Still we all chatted and smiled and made +little jokes. Once during that long night in the cellar I heard one +wounded man say to another as he rolled himself round on his mattress, +"Que les anglais sont comme il faut." + +At six o'clock the convent party came over and began to prepare +breakfast. The least wounded of the men began to steal away, and we were +left with between thirty and forty of them. The difficulty was to know +how to get away and how to remove the wounded, two of whom were nearly +dead. Miss Benjamin went and stood at the gate, while the shells still +flew, and picked up an ambulance. In this we got away six men, including +the two dying ones. Mrs. Stobart was walking about for three hours +trying to find anything on wheels to remove us and the wounded. At last +we got a motor ambulance, and packed in twenty men--that was all it +would hold. We told them to go as far as the bridge and send it back for +us. It never came. Nothing seemed to come. + +The ---- Vice-Consul had told us we were under his protection, and he +would, as a neutral, march out to meet the Germans and give us +protection. But when we enquired we heard he had bolted without telling +us. The next to give us protection was the ---- Field Hospital, who said +they had a ship in the river and would not move without us. But they +also left and said nothing. + +We got dinner for the men, and then the strain began to be much worse. +We had seven wounded and ourselves and not a thing in which to get out +of Antwerp. I told Mrs. Stobart we must leave the wounded at the convent +in charge of the Sisters, and this we did, telling them where to take +them in the morning. The gay young nurses fetched them across on +stretchers. + +[Page Heading: FLIGHT] + +About 5 o'clock the shelling became more violent, and three shells came +with only an instant between each. Presently we heard Mrs. Stobart say, +"Come at once," and we went out and found three English buses with +English drivers at the door. They were carrying ammunition, and were the +last vehicles to leave Antwerp. We got into them and lay on the top of +the ammunition, and the girls began to light cigarettes! The noise of +the buses prevented our hearing for a time the infernal sound of shells +and our cannons' answering roar. + +As we drove to the bridge many houses and sometimes a whole street was +burning. No one seemed to care. No one was there to try and save +anything. We drove through the empty streets and saw the burning houses, +and great holes where shells had fallen, and then we got to the bridge +and out of the line of fire. + +We set out to walk towards Holland, but a Belgian officer got us some +Red Cross ambulances, and into these we got, and were taken to a +convent at St. Gilles, where we slept on the floor till 3 a.m. At 3 a +message was brought, "Get up at once--things are worse." Everyone seemed +to be leaving, and we got into the Red Cross ambulances and went to the +station. + +_9 October._--We have been all day in the train in very hard third-class +carriages with the R.M.L.I. The journey of fifty miles took from 5 +o'clock in the morning, when we got away, till 12 o'clock at night, when +we reached Ostend. The train hardly crawled. It was the longest I have +ever seen. All Ostend was in darkness when we arrived--a German airship +having been seen overhead. We always seem to be tumbling about in the +dark. We went from one hotel to another trying to get accommodation, and +at last (at the St. James's) they allowed us to lie on the floor of the +restaurant. The only food they had for us was ten eggs for twenty-five +hungry people and some brown bread, but they had champagne at the house, +and I ordered it for everybody, and we made little speeches and tried to +end on a good note. + +_10 October._--Mrs. Stobart took the unit back to England to-day. The +wounded were found in a little house which the Red Cross had made over +to them, and Dr. Ramsey, Sister Bailey, and the two nurses had much to +say about their perilous journey. One man had died on the road, but the +others all looked well. Their joy at seeing us was pathetic, and there +was a great deal of handshaking over our meeting. + +[Page Heading: THE UNIT RETURNS TO ENGLAND] + +Miss Donnisthorpe and I got decent rooms at the Littoral Hotel, and +brought our luggage there, and had baths, which we much needed. Dr. +Hanson had got out of the train at Bruges to bandage a wounded man, and +she was left behind, and is still lost. I suppose she has gone home. She +is the doctor I like best, and she is one of the few whose nerves are +not shattered. It was a sorry little party which Mrs. Stobart took back +to England. + + + + +CHAPTER II + +WITH DR. HECTOR MUNRO'S FLYING AMBULANCE CORPS + + +_12 October._--Everyone has gone back to England except Sister Bailey +and me. She is waiting to hand over the wounded to the proper +department, and I am waiting to see if I can get on anywhere. It does +seem so hard that when men are most in need of us we should all run home +and leave them. + +The noises and racket in Ostend are deafening, and there is panic +everywhere. The boats go to England packed every time. I called on the +Villiers yesterday, and heard that she is leaving on Tuesday. But they +say that the British Minister dare not leave or the whole place would go +wild with fear. Some ships lie close to us on the grey misty water, and +the troops are passing along all day. + +_Later._--We heard to-night that the Germans are coming into Ostend +to-morrow, so once more we fly like dust before a broom. It is horrible +having to clear out for them. + +I am trying to discover what courage really consists in. It isn't only a +lack of imagination. In some people it is transcendent, in others it is +only a sort of stupidity. If proper precautions were taken the need for +courage would be much reduced--the "tight place" is so often the result +of sheer muddle. + +This evening Dr. Hector Munro came in from Ghent with his oddly-dressed +ladies, and at first one was inclined to call them masqueraders in their +knickerbockers and puttees and caps, but I believe they have done +excellent work. It is a queer side of war to see young, pretty English +girls in khaki and thick boots, coming in from the trenches, where they +have been picking up wounded men within a hundred yards of the enemy's +lines, and carrying them away on stretchers. Wonderful little Walkueres +in knickerbockers, I lift my hat to you! + +Dr. Munro asked me to come on to his convoy, and I gladly did so: he +sent home a lady whose nerves were gone, and I was put in her place. + +[Page Heading: ON THE ROAD TO DUNKIRK] + +_13 October._--We had an early muddly breakfast, at which everyone spoke +in a high voice and urged others to hurry, and then we collected luggage +and went round to see the General. Afterwards we all got into our motor +ambulances _en route_ for Dunkirk. The road was filled with flying +inhabitants, and down at the dock wounded and well struggled to get on +to the steamer. People were begging us for a seat in our ambulance, and +well-dressed women were setting out to walk twenty miles to Dunkirk. The +rain was falling heavily, and it was a dripping day when we and a lot of +English soldiers found ourselves in the square in Dunkirk, where the +few hotels are. We had an expensive lunch at a greasy restaurant, and +then tried to find rooms. + +I began to make out of whom our party consists. There is Lady Dorothy +Fielding--probably 22, but capable of taking command of a ship, and +speaking French like a native; Mrs. Decker, an Australian, plucky and +efficient; Miss Chisholm, a blue-eyed Scottish girl, with a thick coat +strapped around her waist and a haversack slung from her shoulder; a +tall American, whose name I do not yet know, whose husband is a +journalist; three young surgeons, and Dr. Munro. It is all so quaint. +The girls rule the company, carry maps and find roads, see about +provisions and carry wounded. + +We could not get rooms at Dunkirk and so came on to St. Malo les Bains, +a small bathing-place which had been shut up for the winter. The owner +of an hotel there opened up some rooms for us and got us some ham and +eggs, and the evening ended very cheerily. Our party seems, to me, +amazingly young and unprotected. + +_St. Malo les Bains. 14 October._--To-day I took a car into Dunkirk and +bought some things, as I have lost nearly all I possess at Antwerp. In +the afternoon I went to the dock to get some letters posted, and tramped +about there for a long time. War is such a disorganizer. Nothing starts. +No one is able to move because of wounded arms and legs; it seems to +make the world helpless and painful. In minor matters one lives nearly +always with damp feet and rather dirty and hungry. Drains are all +choked, and one does not get much sleep. These are trifles, of course. + +[Page Heading: WOMEN AT THE FRONT] + +To-night, as we sat at dinner, a message was brought that a woman +outside had been run over and was going to have a baby immediately in a +tram-way shelter, so out we went and got one of our ambulances, and a +young doctor with his fiancee went off with her. There was a lot of +argument about where the woman lived, until one young man said, "Well, +get in somehow, or the baby will have arrived." There is a simplicity +about these tragic times, and nothing matters but to save people. + +_15 October._--To-day we went down to the docks to get a passage for Dr. +Munro, who is going home for money. A German Taube flew overhead and men +were firing rifles at it. An Englishman hit it, and down it came like a +shot bird, so that was the end of a brave man, whoever he was, and it +was a long drop, too, through the still autumn air. Guns have begun to +fire again, so I suppose we shall have to move on once more. One does +not unpack, and it is dangerous to part with one's linen to be washed. + +Yesterday I heard a man--a man in a responsible position--say to a girl, +"Tell me, please, how far we are from the firing-line." It was one of +the most remarkable speeches I ever heard. I go to these girls for all +my news. Lady Dorothy Fielding is our real commander, and everyone knows +it. One hears on all sides, "Lady Dorothy, can you get us tyres for the +ambulances? Where is the petrol?" "Do you know if the General will let +us through?" "Have you been able to get us any stores?" "Ought we to +have 'laissez-passer's' or not?" She goes to all the heads of +departments, is the only good speaker of French, and has the only +reliable information about anything. All the men acknowledge her +position, and they say to me, "It's very odd being run by a woman; but +she is the only person who can do anything." In the firing-line she is +quite cool, and so are the other women. They seem to be interested, not +dismayed, by shots and shrapnel. + +_16 October._--To-day I have been reading of the "splendid retreat" of +the Marines from Antwerp and their "unprecedented reception" at Deal. +Everyone appears to have been in a state of wild enthusiasm about them, +and it seems almost like Mafeking over again. + +What struck me most about these men was the way in which they blew their +own trumpets in full retreat and while flying from the enemy. We +travelled all day in the train with them, and had long conversations +with them all. They were all saying, "We will bring you the Kaiser's +head, miss"; to which I replied, "Well, you had better turn round and go +the other way." Some people like this "English" spirit. I find the +conceit of it most trying. Belgium is in the hands of the enemy, and we +flee before him singing our own praises loudly as we do so. The Marines +lost their kit, spent one night in Antwerp, and went back to England, +where they had an amazing reception amid scenes of unprecedented +enthusiasm! The Government will give them a fresh kit, and the public +will cheer itself hoarse! + +[Page Heading: MEN'S ATTITUDE TOWARDS WOMEN] + +I could not help thinking, when I read the papers to-day, of our tired +little body of nurses and doctors and orderlies going back quietly and +unproclaimed to England to rest at Folkestone for three days and then to +come out here again. They had been for eighteen hours under heavy shell +fire without so much as a rifle to protect them, and with the immediate +chance of a burning building falling about them. The nurses sat in the +cellars tending wounded men, whom they refused to leave, and then hopped +on to the outside of an ammunition bus "to see the fun," and came home +to buy their little caps and aprons out of their own slender purses and +start work again. + +I shall believe in Britishers to the day of my death, and I hope I shall +die before I cease to believe in them, but I do get some disillusions. +At Antwerp not a man remained with us, and the worst of it was they made +elaborate excuses for leaving. Even our sergeant, who helped during the +night, took a comrade off in the morning and disappeared. Both were +wounded, but not badly, and two young English Tommies, very slightly +wounded, left us as soon as the firing began. We saw them afterwards at +the bridge, and they looked pretty mean. + +To-night at dinner some officers came in when the food was pretty well +finished, and only some drumsticks of chicken and bits of ham were left. +I am always slow at beginning to eat, and I had a large wing of chicken +still on my plate. I offered this to an officer, who accepted it and +ate it, although he asked me to have a little bit of it. I do hope I +shall meet some cases of chivalry soon. + +Firing ceased about 5 o'clock this afternoon, but we are short of news. +The English papers rather annoy one with their continual victories, of +which we see nothing. Everyone talks of the German big guns as if they +were some happy chance. But the Germans were drilling and preparing +while we were making speeches at Hyde Park Corner. Everything had been +thought out by them. People talk of the difficulty they must have had in +preparing concrete floors for their guns. Not a bit of it. There were +innocent dwelling-houses, built long ago, with floors in just the right +position and of just the right stuff, and when they were wanted the top +stories were blown off and the concrete gun-floors were ready. There +were local exhibitions, too, to which firms sent exhibition guns, which +they "forgot" to remove! While we were going on strike they were making +an army, and as we have sown so must we reap. + +One almost wonders whether it might not be possible to eliminate the +personal element in war, so constant is the talk about victorious guns. +If guns decide everything, then let them be trained on other guns. Let +the gun that drives farthest and goes surest win. If every siege is +decided by the German 16-inch howitzers, then let us put up brick and +mortar or steel against them, but not men. The day for the bleeding +human body seems to be over now that men are mown down by shells fired +eight miles away. War used to be splendid because it made men strong and +brave, but now a little German in spectacles can stand behind a Krupp +gun and wipe out a regiment. + +[Page Heading: PROTECTION OF LIFE OR PROPERTY] + +I suppose women will always try to protect life because they know what +it costs to produce it, and men will always try to protect property +because that is what they themselves produce. At Antwerp our wounded men +were begging us to go up to the hospital to fetch their purses from +under their pillows! At present women are only repairers, darning socks, +cleaning, washing up after men, bringing up reinforcements in the way of +fresh life, and patching up wounded men, but some day they must and will +have to say, "The life I produce has as much right to protection as the +property you produce, and I claim my right to protect it." + +There seems to me a lack of connection between one man's desire to +extend the area he occupies and young men in their teens lying with +their lungs shot through or backs blown off. + +_19 October._--Our time is now spent in waiting and preparing for work +which will probably come soon, as there has been fighting near us again. +One hears the boom of guns a long way off, and always there is the sound +of death in it. One has been too near it not to know now what it means. + +Yesterday I went to church in an empty little building, but a few of our +hospital men turned up and made a small congregation. In the afternoon +one or two people came to tea in my bedroom as we could not make our +usual expedition to de Poorter's bunshop. The pastry habit is growing +on us all. + +We went to the arsenal to-day to see about some repairs to our +ambulances. I saw a German omnibus which had been captured, and the +eagles on it had been painted out with stripes of red paint and the +French colours put in their place. The omnibus was one mass of +bullet-holes. I have seen waggons at Paardeberg, but I never saw +anything so knocked about as that grey motor-bus. The engines and sides +were shattered and the chauffeur, of course, had been killed. We went on +by motor to the "Champs des Aviateurs." We saw one naval aeroplane man, +who told us that he had been hit in his machine when it was 4,000 feet +up in the air. His jacket was torn by a bullet and his machine dropped, +but he was uninjured, and got away on a bicycle. + +The more I see of war the more I am amazed at the courage and nerve +which are shown. Death or the chance of death is everywhere, and we meet +it not as fatalists do or those who believe they can earn eternal glory +with a sacrifice, but lightly and with a song. An English girl at +Antwerp was horribly ashamed of some Belgians who skulked behind a wall +when the firing was hottest. She herself remained in the open. + +It has been a great comfort to me that I have had a room to myself so +far on this campaign. I find the communal spirit is not in me. The noisy +meals, the heavy bowls of soup, the piles of labelled dinner-napkins, +give me an unexpected feeling of oppressive seclusion and solitude, and +only when I get away by myself do I feel that my soul is restored. + +Mr. Gleeson, an American, joined his wife here a couple of days ago: it +was odd to have a book talk again. + +_21 October._--A still grey day with a level sea and a few fishing-boats +going out with the tide. On the long grey shore shrimpers are wading +with their nets. The only colour in the soft grey dawn is the little +wink of white that the breaking waves make on the sand. This small empty +seaside place, with its row of bathing-machines drawn up on the beach, +has a look about it as of a theatre seen by daylight. All the seats are +empty and the players have gone away, and the theatre begins to whisper +as empty buildings do. I think I know quite well some of the people who +come to St. Malo les Bains, just by listening to what the empty little +place is saying. + +Firing has begun again. We hear that our ships are shelling Ostend from +the sea. The news that reaches us is meagre, but I prefer that to the +false reports that are circulated at home. + +[Page Heading: WE GO TO FURNES] + +This afternoon we came out in motors and ambulances to establish +ourselves at Furnes in an empty Ecclesiastical College. Nothing was +ready, and everything was in confusion. The wounded from the fighting +near by had not begun to come in, but the infernal sound of the guns was +quite close to us, and gave one the sensation of a blow on the ear. +Night was falling as we came back to Dunkirk to sleep (for no beds were +ready at Furnes), and we passed many motor vehicles of every +description going out to Furnes. Some of them were filled with bread, +and one saw stacks of loaves filling to the roof some once beautifully +appointed motor. Now all was dust and dirt. + +All my previous ideas of men marching to war have had a touch of +heroism, crudely expressed by quick-step and smart uniforms. To-day I +see tired dusty men, very hungry looking and unshaved, slogging along, +silent and tired, and ready to lie down whenever chance offers. They +keep as near their convoy as they can, and are keen to stop and cook +something. God! what is heroism? It baffles me. + +_22 October. Furnes._--The bulk of our party did not return from Furnes +yesterday, so we gathered that the wounded must be coming in, and we +left Dunkirk early and came here. As I packed my things and rolled my +rugs at 5 a.m. I thought of Mary, and "Charles to fetch down the +luggage," and the fuss at home over my delicate health! + +A French officer called Gilbert took us out to Furnes in his Brooklands +racing-car, so that was a bit of an experience too, for we sat curled up +on some luggage, and were told to hang on by something. The roads were +empty and level, the little seats of the car were merely an appendage to +its long big engines. When we got our breath back we asked Gilbert what +his speed had been, and he told us 75 miles an hour. + +There was a crowd of motors in the yard of the Ecclesiastical College at +Furnes, engines throbbing and clutches being jerked, and we were told +that all last night the fighting had gone on and the wounded had been +coming in. There are three wards already fairly full, nothing quite +ready, and the inevitable and reiterated "where" heard on every side. + +"Where are the stretchers?" "Where are my forceps?" "Where are we to +dine?" "Where are the dead to be put?" "Where are the Germans?" + +No one stops to answer. People ask everybody ten times over to do the +same thing, and use anything that is lying about. + +[Page Heading: THE FIGHTING AT DIXMUDE] + +There are two war correspondents here--Mr. Gibbs and Mr. Ashmead +Bartlett--and they told me about the fighting at Dixmude last night. I +must try to get Mr. Gibbs's newspaper account of it, but nothing will +ever be so simple and so dramatic as his own description. He and Mr. +Bartlett, Mr. Gleeson and Dr. Munro, with young Mr. Brockville, the War +Minister's son, went to the town, which was being heavily shelled. +Dixmude was full of wounded, and the church and the houses were falling. +The roar of things was awful, and the bursting shells overhead sent +shrapnel pattering on the buildings, the pavements, and the cars. + +Young Brockville went into a house, where he heard wounded were lying, +and found a pile of dead Frenchmen stacked against a wall. A bursting +shell scattered them. He went on to a cellar and found some living men, +got the stretchers, loaded the cars and bade them drive on. In the +darkness, and with the deafening noises, no one heard his orders +aright, the two motor ambulances moved on and left him behind amongst +the burning houses and flying shells. It was only after going a few +miles that the rest of the party found that he was not with them. + +Mr. Gleeson and Mr. Bartlett went back for him. Nothing need be said +except that. They went back to hell for him, and the other two waited in +the road with the wounded men. After an hour of waiting these two also +went back. + +I asked Mr. Gibbs if he shared the contempt that some people expressed +for bullets. He and Mr. Gleeson both said, "Anyone who talks of contempt +for bullets is talking nonsense. Bullets mean death at every corner of +the street, and death overhead and flying limbs and unspeakable sights." +All these men went back. All of them behaved quietly and like gentlemen, +but one man asked a friend of his over and over again if he was a +Belgian refugee, and another said that a town steeple falling looked so +strange that they could only stand about and light cigarettes. In the +end they gave up Mr. Brockville for lost and came home with the +ambulances. But he turned up in the middle of the night, to everyone's +huge delight. + +_23 October._--A crisp autumn morning, a courtyard filled with motors +and brancardiers and men in uniform, and women in knickerbockers and +puttees, all lighting cigarettes and talking about repairs and gears and +a box of bandages. The mornings always start happily enough. The guns +are nearer to-day or more distant, the battle sways backwards and +forwards, and there is no such thing as a real "base" for a hospital. +We must just stay as long as we can and fly when we must. + +About 10 a.m. the ambulances that have been out all night begin to come +in, the wounded on their pitiful shelves. + +"Take care. There are two awful cases. Step this way. The man on the top +shelf is dead. Lift them down. Steady. Lift the others out first. Now +carry them across the yard to the overcrowded ward, and lay them on the +floor if there are no beds, but lay them down and go for others. Take +the worst to the theatre: get the shattered limbs amputated and then +bring them back, for there is a man just dead whose place can be filled; +and these two must be shipped off to Calais; and this one can sit up." + +[Page Heading: A WOUNDED GERMAN] + +I found one young German with both hands smashed. He was not ill enough +to have a bed, of course, but sat with his head fallen forward trying to +sleep on a chair. I fed him with porridge and milk out of a little bowl, +and when he had finished half of it he said, "I won't have any more. I +am afraid there will be none for the others." I got a few cushions for +him and laid him in a corner of the room. Nothing disturbs the deep +sleep of these men. They seem not so much exhausted as dead with +fatigue. + +A French boy of sixteen is a favourite of mine. He is such a beautiful +child, and there is no hope for him; shot through the abdomen; he can +retain nothing, and is sick all day, and every day he is weaker. + +I do not find that the men want to send letters or write messages. +Their pain is too awful even for that, and I believe they can think of +nothing else. + +All day the stretchers are brought in and the work goes on. It is about +5 o'clock that the weird tired hour begins when the dim lamps are +lighted, and people fall over things, and nearly everything is mislaid, +and the wounded cry out, and one steps over forms on the floor. From +then till one goes to bed it is difficult to be just what one ought to +be, the tragedy of it is too pitiful. There is a boy with his eyes shot +out, and there is a row of men all with head wounds from the cruel +shrapnel overhead. Blood-stained mattresses and pillows are carried out +into the courtyard. Two ladies help to move the corpses. There is always +a pile of bandages and rags being burnt, and a youth stirs the horrible +pile with a stick. A queer smell permeates everything, and the guns +never cease. The wounded are coming in at the rate of a hundred a day. + +The Queen of the Belgians called to see the hospital to-day. Poor little +Queen, coming to see the remnants of an army and the remnants of a +kingdom! She was kind to each wounded man, and we were glad of her +visit, if for no other reason than that some sort of cleaning and +tidying was done in her honour. To-night Mr. Nevinson arrived, and we +went round the wards together after supper. The beds were all full--so +was the floor. I was glad that so many of the wounded were dying. + +The doctors said, "These men are not wounded, they are mashed." + +I am rather surprised to find how little the quite young girls seem to +mind the sight of wounds and suffering. They are bright and witty about +amputations, and do not shudder at anything. I am feeling rather +out-of-date amongst them. + + * * * * * + +[Page Heading: THE TRAGEDY OF PAIN] + +_Letter to Miss Macnaughtan's Sisters._ + +DR. HECTOR MUNRO'S AMBULANCE, +FURNES, BELGIUM, +_23 October._ + +MY DEAR PEOPLE, + +I think I may get this posted by a war correspondent who is going home, +but I never know whether my letters reach you or not, for yours, if you +write them, never reach me. I can't begin to tell you all that is +happening, and it is really beyond what one is able to describe. The +tragedy of pain is the thing that is most evident, and there is the roar +and the racket of it and the everlasting sound of guns. The war seems to +me now to mean nothing but torn limbs and stretchers. All the doctors +say that never have they seen men so wounded. + +The day that we got here was the day that Dixmude was bombarded, and our +ten ambulances (motor) went out to fetch in wounded. These were shoved +in anywhere, dying and dead, and our men went among the shells with +buildings falling about them and took out all they could. Except where +the fire is hottest one women goes with each car. So far I have been +doing ward work, but one of the doctors is taking me on an ambulance +this afternoon. Most of the women who go are very good chauffeurs +themselves, so they are chosen before a person who can't drive. They +are splendid creatures, and funk nothing, and they are there to do a +little dressing if it is needed. + +The firing is awfully heavy to-day. They say it is the big French guns +that have got up. Two of our ambulances have had miraculous escapes +after being hit. Things happen too quickly to know how to describe them. +To-day when I went out to breakfast an old village woman aged about 70 +was brought in wounded in two places. I am not fond of horrors. + +We have been given an empty house for the staff, the owners having +quitted it in a panic and left everything, children's toys on the +carpet, and beds unmade. The hospital is a college for priests, all of +whom have fled. Into this building the wounded are carried day and +night, and the surgeons are working in shifts and can't get the work +done. We are losing, alas! so many patients. Nothing can be done for +them, and I always feel so glad when they are gone. I don't think anyone +can realise what it is to be just behind the line of battle, and I fear +there would not be much recruiting if people at home could see our +wards. One can only be thankful for a hospital like this in the thick of +things, for we are saving lives, and not only so, but saving the lives +of men who perhaps have lain three days in a trench or a turnip-field +undiscovered and forgotten. + +As soon as a wounded man has been attended to and is able to be put on a +stretcher again he is sent to Calais. We have to keep emptying the wards +for other patients to come in, and besides, if the fighting comes this +way, we shall have to fall back a little further. + +We have a river between us and the Germans, so we shall always know when +they are coming and get a start and be all right. + +Your loving +S. MACNAUGHTAN. + + * * * * * + +_25 October._--A glorious day. Up in the blue even Taubes--those birds +of prey--look beautiful, like eagles wheeling in their flight. It is all +far too lovely to leave, yet men are killing each other painfully with +every day that dawns. + +I had a tiresome day in spite of the weather, because the hospital was +evacuated suddenly owing to the nearness of the Germans, and I missed +going with the ambulance, so I hung about all day. + +_26 October. My birthday._--This morning several women were brought in +horribly wounded. One girl of sixteen had both legs smashed. I was +taking one old woman to the civil hospital and I had to pass eighteen +dead men; they were laid out beside some women who were washing clothes, +and I noticed how tired even in death their poor dirty feet looked. + +[Page Heading: TO THE EDGE OF THE FIGHTING LINE] + +We started early in the ambulance to-day, and went to pick up the +wounded. It was a wild gusty morning, one of those days when the sky +takes up nearly all the picture and the world looks small. The mud was +deep on the road, and a cyclist corps plunged heavily along through it. +The car steered badly and we drove to the edge of the fighting-line. + +First one comes to a row of ammunition vans, with men cooking breakfast +behind them. Then come the long grey guns, tilted at various angles, and +beyond are the shells bursting and leaving little clouds of black or +white in the sky. We signalled to a gun not to fire down the road in +much the same way as a bobby signals to a hansom. When we got beyond the +guns they fired over us with a long streaky sort of sound. We came back +to the road and picked up the wounded wherever we could find them. + +The churches are nearly all filled with straw, the chairs piled +anywhere, and the sacrament removed from the altar. In cottages and +little inns it is the same thing--a litter of straw, and men lying on it +in the chilly weather. Here and there through some little window one +sees surgeons in their white coats dressing wounds. Half the world seems +to be wounded and inefficient. We filled our ambulance, and stood about +in curious groups of English men and women who looked as if they were on +some shooting-party. When our load was complete we drove home. + +Dr. Munro told me that last night he met a German prisoner quite naked +being marched in, proudly holding his head up. Lots of the men fight +naked in the trenches. In hospital we meet delightful German youths. + +Amongst others who were brought in to-day was Mr. "Dick" Reading, the +editor of a sporting paper. He was serving in the Belgian army, and was +behind a gun-carriage when it was fired upon and started. Reading clung +on behind with both his legs broken, and he stuck to it till the +gun-carriage was pulled up! He came in on a stretcher as bright as a +button, smoking a cigar and laughing. + +[Page Heading: POPERINGHE] + +Late this afternoon we had to turn out of Furnes and fly to Poperinghe. +The drive was intensely interesting, through crowds of troops of every +nationality, and the town seemed large and well lighted. It was crowded +with people to see all our ambulances arrive. We went to a cafe, where +there was a fire but nothing to eat, so some of the party went out and +bought chops, and I cooked them in a stuffy little room which smelt of +burnt fat. + +After supper we went to a convent where the Queen of the Belgians had +made arrangements for us to sleep. It was delightful. Each of us had a +snowy white bed with white curtains in a long corridor, and there was a +basin of water, cold but clean, and a towel for each of us. We +thoroughly enjoyed our luxuries. + +_28 October._--The tide of battle seems to have swung away from us again +and we were recalled to Furnes to-day. The hospital looked very bare and +empty as all the patients had been evacuated, and there was nothing to +do till fresh ones should come in. Three shells came over to-day and +landed in a field near us. Some people say they were sent by our own +naval guns firing wide. The souvenir grafters went out and got pieces of +them. + +[Page Heading: DUNKIRK] + +_2 November._--I have been spending a couple of nights in Dunkirk, where +I went to meet Miss Fyfe. The _Invicta_ got in late because the _Hermes_ +had been torpedoed and they had gone to her assistance. No doubt the +torpedo was intended for the _Invicta_, which carries ammunition, and is +becoming an unpopular boat in consequence. Forty of the _Hermes_ men +were lost. + +Dunkirk is full of people, and one meets friends at every turn. I had +tea at the Consulate one afternoon, and was rather glad to get away from +the talk of shells and wounds, which is what one hears most of at +Furnes. + +I saw Lord Kitchener in the town one day; he had come to confer with +Joffre, Sir John French, Monsieur Poincare, and Mr. Churchill, at a +meeting held at the Chapeau Rouge Hotel. Rather too many valuable men in +one room, I thought--especially with so many spies about! Three men in +English officers' uniforms were found to be Germans the other day and +taken out and shot. + +The Duchess of Sutherland has a hospital at our old Casino at Malo les +Bains, and has made it very nice. I had a long chat with a Coldstream +man who was there. He told me he was carried to a barn after being shot +in the leg and the bone shattered. He lay there for six days before he +was found, with nothing to eat but a few biscuits. He dressed his own +wound. + +"But," he said, "the string of my puttee had been driven in so far by +the shot I couldn't find it to get the thing off, so I had to bandage +over it." + +I went down to the station one day to see if anything could be done for +the wounded there. They are coming in at the rate of seven hundred a +day, and are laid on straw in an immense goods-shed. They get nothing to +eat, and the atmosphere is so bad that their wounds can't be dressed. +They are all patient, as usual, only the groans are heartbreaking +sometimes. We are arranging to have soup given to them, and a number of +ambulance men arrived who will remove them to hospital ships and trains. +But the goods-shed is a shambles, and let us leave it at that.[1] + + [1] It must not be thought that in this and in subsequent + passages referring to the sufferings of the wounded Miss Macnaughtan + alludes to any hardships endured by British troops. Her time in + Flanders was all spent behind the French and Belgian lines.--ED. + +Mrs. Knocker came into Dunkirk for a night's rest while I was staying +there. She had been out all the previous day in a storm of wind and rain +driving an ambulance. It was heavy with wounded, and shells were +dropping very near. She--the most courageous woman that ever lived--was +quite unnerved at last. The glass of the car she was driving was dim +with rain and she could carry no lights, and with this swaying load of +injured men behind her on the rutty road she had to stick to her wheel +and go on. + +Some one said to her, "There is a doctor in such-and-such a farmhouse, +and he has no dressings. You must take him these." + +She demurred (a most unusual thing for her), but men do not protect +women in this war, and they said she had to take them. She asked one of +the least wounded of the men to get down and see what was in front of +her, and he disappeared altogether. The dark mass she had seen in the +road was a huge hole made by a shell! After steering into dead horses +and going over awful roads Mrs. Knocker came bumping into the yard, +steering so badly that they ran to see what was wrong, and they found +her fainting, and she was carried into the house. At Dunkirk she got a +good dinner and a night's rest. + +_Furnes. 5 November._--The hospital is beginning to fill up again, and +the nurses are depressed because only those cases which are nearly +hopeless are allowed to stay, so it is death on all sides and just a +hell of suffering. One man yelled to me to-night to kill him. I wish I +might have done so. The tragedy of war presses with a fearful weight +after being in a hospital, and wherever one is one hears the infernal +sound of the guns. On Sunday about forty shells came into Furnes, but I +was at Dunkirk. This morning about five dropped on to the station. + +[Page Heading: NIEUPORT] + +To-day I went out to Nieuport. It is like some town one sees in a +horrible nightmare. Hardly a house is left standing, but that does not +describe the scene. Nothing can fitly describe it except perhaps such a +pen as Victor Hugo's. The cathedral at Nieuport has two outer walls left +standing. The front leans forward helplessly, the aisles are gone. The +trees round about are burnt up and shot away. In the roadway are great +holes which shells have made. The very cobbles of the street are +scattered by them. Not a window remains in the place; all are shattered +and many hang from their frames. The fronts of the houses have fallen +out, and one sees glimpses of wretched domestic life: a baby's cradle +hangs in mid-air, some tin boxes have fallen through from the box-room +in the attic to the ground floor. Shops are shivered and their contents +strewn on all sides; the interiors of other houses have been hollowed +out by fire. There is a toy-shop with dolls grinning vacantly at the +ruins or bobbing brightly on elastic strings. + +In a wretched cottage some soldiers are having breakfast at a +fine-carved table. In one house, surrounded by a very devastation of +wreckage, some cheap ornaments stand intact on a mantelpiece. From +another a little ginger-coloured cat strolls out unconcernedly! The +bedsteads hanging midway between floors look twisted and thrawn--nothing +stands up straight. Like the wounded, the town has been rendered +inefficient by war. + +_6 November._--Furnes always seems to me a weird tragic place. I cannot +think why this is so, but its influence is to me rather curious. I feel +as if all the time I was living in some blood-curdling ghost story or a +horrid dream. Every day I try to overcome the feeling, but I can't +succeed. This afternoon I made up my mind to return to our villa and +write my diary. The day was lovely, and I meant to enjoy a rest and a +scribble, but so strong was the horrid influence of the place that I +couldn't settle to anything. I can't describe it, but it seemed to +stifle me, and I can only compare it to some second sight in which one +sees death. I sat as long as I could doing my writing, but I had to give +in at last, and I tucked my book under my arm and walked back to the +hospital, where at least I was with human beings and not ghosts. + +Our life here is made up of many elements and many people, all rather +incongruous, but the average of human nature is good. A villa belonging +to a Dr. Joos was given to our staff. It is a pretty little house, with +three beds in it, and we are eighteen people, so most of us sleep on the +floor. It wouldn't be a bad little place (except for the drains) if only +there wasn't this horrid influence about it all. I always particularly +dislike toddling after people like a little lost dog, but here I find +that unless I am with somebody the ghosts get the better of me. + +The villa is being ruined by us I fear, but I have a woman to clean it, +and I am trying to keep it in order. It is a cold little place for we +have no fires. We can, by pumping, get a little very cold water, and +there is a tap in the bath-room and one basin at which everyone tries to +wash and shave at the same time. We get our meals at a butcher's shop, +where there is a large room which we more than fill. The lights of the +town are all out by 6 o'clock, so we grope about, but there is a lamp in +our dining-room. When we come out we have to pass through the butcher's +shop, and one may find oneself running into the interior of a sheep. + +We get up about 7 o'clock and fight for the basin. Then we walk round to +the butcher's shop and have breakfast at 7.30. Most people think they +start off for the day's work at 8, but it is generally quite 10 o'clock +before all the brown-hooded ambulances with their red crosses have moved +out of the yard. We do not as a rule meet again till dinner-time, and +even then many of the party are absent. They come in at all times, very +dirty and hungry, and the greeting is always the same, "Did you get +many?"--_i.e._, "Have you picked up many wounded?" + +One night Dr. Munro got bowled over by the actual air force created by a +shell, which however did not hit him. Yesterday Mr. Secher was shot in +the leg. I am amazed that not more get hit. They are all very cheery +about it. + +To-day we heard that a jolly French boy with white teeth, who has been +very good at making coffee at our picnic lunches, was put up against a +tree and shot at daybreak. Someone had made him drunk the night before, +and he had threatened an officer with a revolver. + +[Page Heading: A DRAMATIC INCIDENT] + +_7 November. St. Malo les Bains._--Lady Bagot turned up here to-day, and +I lunched with her at the Hotel des Arcades. Just before lunch a bomb +was dropped from a Taube overhead, and hardly had we sat down to lunch +when a revolver shot rang through the room. A French officer had +discharged his pistol by mistake, and he lay on the floor in his scarlet +trews. The scene was really the Adelphi, and as the man had only +slightly hurt himself one was able to appreciate the scenic effect and +to notice how well staged it was. A waiter ran for me. I ran for +dressings to one of our ambulances, and we knelt in the right attitude +beside the hero in his scarlet clothes, while the "lady of the bureau" +begged for the bullet! + +In the evening Lady Bagot and I worked at the railway-sheds till 3 a.m. +One immense shed had 700 wounded in it. The night scene, with its +inevitable accompaniment of low-turned lamps and gloom, was one I shall +not forget. The railway-lines on each side of the covered platform were +spread with straw, and on this wounded men, bedded down like cattle, +slept. There were rows of them sleeping feet to feet, with straw over +them to make a covering. I didn't hear a grumble, and hardly a groan. +Most of them slept heavily. + +Near the door was a row of Senegalese, their black faces and gleaming +eyes looking strange above the straw; and further on were some Germans, +whom the French authorities would not allow our men to touch; then rows +of men of every colour and blood; Zouaves, with their picturesque dress +all grimed and colourless; Turcos, French, and Belgians. Nearly all had +their heads and hands bound up in filthy dressings. We went into the +dressing-station at the far end of the great shed and dressed wounds +till about 3 o'clock, then we passed through the long long lines of +sleeping wounded men again and went home. + + * * * * * + +_To Lady Clementine Waring._ + +_8 November._ +MY DEAREST CLEMMIE, + +I have a big job for you. Will you do it? I know you are the person for +it, and you will be prompt and interested. + +The wounded are suffering from hunger as much as from their wounds. In +most places, such as dressing-stations and railway-stations, nothing is +provided for them at all, and many men are left for two or three days +without food. + +I wish I could describe it all to you! These wounded men are picked up +after a fight and taken anywhere--very often to some farmhouse or inn, +where a Belgian surgeon claps something on to the wounds or ties on a +splint, and then our (Dr. Munro's) ambulances come along and bring the +men into the Field Hospital if they are very bad, or if not they are +taken direct to a station and left there. They may, and often do, have +to wait for hours till a train loads up and starts. Even those who are +brought to the Field Hospital have to turn out long before they can walk +or sit, and they are carried to the local station and put into covered +horse-boxes on straw, and have to wait till the train loads up and +starts. You see everything has to be done with a view to sudden +evacuation. We are so near to the firing-line that the Germans may sweep +on our way at any time, and then every man has to be cleared out somehow +(we have a heap of ambulances), and the staff is moved off to some safer +place. We did a bolt of this sort to Poperinghe one day, but after being +there two days the fighting swayed the other way and we were able to +come back. + +[Page Heading: HUNGER OF THE WOUNDED] + +Well, during all these shiftings and waitings the wounded get nothing to +eat. I want some travelling-kitchens, and I want you to see about the +whole thing. You may have to come from Scotland, because I have opened +the subject with Mr. Burbidge, of Harrods' Stores. A Harrods' man is +over here. He takes back this letter. I particularly want you to see +him. Mr. Burbidge has, or can obtain, old horse-vans which can be fitted +up as travelling-kitchens. He is doing one now for Millicent, Duchess of +Sutherland; it is to cost L15, which I call very cheap. I wish you +could see it, for I know you could improve upon it. It is fitted, I +understand, with a copper for boiling soup, and a chimney. There is also +a place for fuel, and I should like a strong box that would hold +vegetables, dried peas, etc., whose top would serve as a table. Then +there must be plenty of hooks and shelves where possible, and I believe +Burbidge makes some sort of protection against fire in the way of lining +to the van. Harrods' man says that he doesn't know if they have any more +vans or not. + +I want someone with push and energy to see the thing right through and +get the vans off. The _Invicta_, from the Admiralty Pier, Dover, sailing +daily, brings Red Cross things free. + +[Page Heading: PROPOSED TRAVELLING-KITCHENS] + +The vans would have to have the Red Cross painted on them, and in +_small_ letters, somewhere inconspicuous, "Miss Macnaughtan's +Travelling-Kitchens." This is only for identification. I thought we +might begin with _three_, and get them sent out _at once_, and go on as +they are required. I must have a capable person and a helper in charge +of each, so that limits my number. The Germans have beautiful little +kitchens at each station, but I can't be sure what money I can raise, so +must go slow. + +I want also two little trollies, just to hold a tin jug and some tin +cups hung round, with one oil-lamp to keep the jug hot. The weather will +be bitter soon, and only "special" cases have blankets. + +Clemmie, if only we could see this thing through without too much red +tape!... No permission need be given for the work of these kitchens, as +we are under the Belgian Minister of War and act for Belgium. + +I thought of coming over to London for a day or two, and I can still do +so, only I know you will be able to do this thing better than anyone, +and will think of things that no one else thinks of. I can get voluntary +workers, but meat and vegetables are dreadfully dear, so I shan't be +able to spend a great deal on the vans. However, any day they may be +taken by the Germans, so the only thing that really matters is to get +the wounded _a_ mug of hot soup. + +Last night I was dressing wounds and bandaging at Dunkirk station till 3 +a.m. The men are brought there in _heaps_, all helpless, all suffering. +Sometimes there are fifteen hundred in one day. Last night seven hundred +lay on straw in a huge railway-shed, with straw to cover them--bedded +down like cattle, and all in pain. Still, it is better than the trenches +and shrapnel overhead! + +At the Field Hospital the wounds are ghastly, and we are losing so many +patients! Mere boys of sixteen come in sometimes mortally wounded, and +there are a good many cases of wounded women. You see, no one is safe; +and, oh, my dear, have you ever seen a town that has been thoroughly +shelled? At Furnes we have a good many shells dropping in, but no real +bombardment yet. After Antwerp I don't seem to care about these +visitors. We were under fire there for eighteen hours, and it was a bit +of a strain as our hospital was in a line with the Arsenal, which they +were trying to destroy, so we got more than our share of attention. The +noise was horrible, and the shells came in at the rate of four a minute. +There was something quite hellish about it. + +Do you remember that great bit of writing in Job, when Wisdom speaks and +says: "Destruction and Death say, it is not in me"? + +The wantonness and sort of rage of it all appalled one. Our women +behaved splendidly. + +I'll come over to England if you think I had better, but I am sure you +are the person I want.... If anything should prevent your helping, +please wire to me: otherwise I shall know things are going forward. + +Your loving, +S. MACNAUGHTAN. + +The vans should be strong as they may have rough usage; also, to take +them to their destination they may have to be hitched on to a +motor-ambulance. + +One or two strong trays in each kitchen would be useful. The little +trollies would be for railway-station work. As we go on I hope to have +one kitchen for each dressing-station as well. + +SALLY. + + * * * * * + +_8 November._--This afternoon I went down to the Hotel des Arcades, +which is the general meeting ground for everyone. The drawing-room was +full and so was the Place Jean Bart, on which it looks. Suddenly we saw +people beginning to fly! Soldiers, old men, children in their Sunday +clothes, all running to cover. I asked what was up, and heard that a +Taube was at that moment flying over our hotel. These are the sort of +pleasant things one hears out here! Then Lady Decies came running in to +say that two bombs had fallen and twenty people were wounded. + +Once more we got bandages and lint and hurried off in a motor-car, but +the civilian doctors were looking after everyone. The bomb by good luck +had fallen in a little garden, and had done the least damage imaginable, +but every window in the neighbourhood was smashed. + +[Page Heading: NIGHT WORK AT RAILWAY SHEDS] + +At night we went to the railway-sheds and dressed wounds. I made them do +the Germans; but it was too late for one of them--a handsome young +fellow with both his feet deep blue with frost-bite, his leg broken, and +a great wound in his thigh. He had not been touched for eight days. +Another man had a great hole right through his arm and shoulder. The +dressing was rough and ready. The surgeons clapped a great wad of lint +into the hole and we bound it up. There is no hot water, no sterilising, +no cyanide gauze even, but iodine saves many lives, and we have plenty +of it. The German boy was dying when we left. His eyes above the straw +began to look glazed and dim. Death, at least, is merciful. + +We work so late at the railway-sheds that I lie in bed till lunch time. +Lady Bagot and I go to the sheds in the evening and stay there till 1 +a.m. + +_11 November. Boulogne._--I got a letter from Julia yesterday, telling +me that Alan is wounded and in hospital at Boulogne, and asking me to +go and see him. + +I came here this morning and had to run about for a long time before I +started getting a "laissez-passer" for the road, as spies are being shot +almost at sight now. By good chance I got a motor-car which brought me +all the way; trains are uncertain, and filled with troops, and one never +knows when they will arrive. + +[Page Heading: STORIES OF THE BRITISH FRONT] + +I found poor old Alan at the Base Hospital, in terrible pain, poor boy, +but not dangerously wounded. He has been through an awful time, and +nearly all the officers of his regiment have been killed or wounded. For +my part, in spite of his pain, I can thank God that he is out of the +firing-line for a bit. The horror of the war has got right into him, and +he has seen things which few boys of eighteen can have witnessed. Eight +days in the trenches at Ypres under heavy fire day and night is a pretty +severe test, and Alan has behaved splendidly. He told me the most awful +tales of what he had seen, but I believe it did him good to get things +off his chest, so I listened. The thing he found the most ghastly was +the fact that when a trench has been taken or lost the wounded and dying +and dead are left out in the open. He says that firing never ceases, and +it is impossible to reach these men, who die of starvation within sight +of their comrades. + +"Sometimes," Alan said, "we see them raise themselves on an arm for an +instant, and they yell to us to come to them, but we can't." + +His own wound was received when the Germans "got their range to an +inch" and began shelling their trenches. A whole company next to Alan +was wiped out, and he started to go back to tell his Colonel the trench +could not be held. The communication trench by which he went was not +quite finished, and he had to get out into the open and race across to +where the unfinished trench began again. Poor child, running for his +life! He was badly hit in the groin, but managed just to tumble into the +next bit of the trench, where he found two men who carried him, pouring +with blood, to his Colonel. He was hastily bound up and carried four +miles on crossed rifles to the hospital at Ypres, where his wound was +properly dressed, and after an hour he was put on the train for +Boulogne. + +Alan had one story of how he was told to wait at a certain spot with 130 +men. "So I waited," he said, "but the fire was awful." His regiment had, +it seems, gone round another way. "I got thirty of the men away," Alan +said, "the rest were killed." It means something to be an officer and a +gentleman. + +Every day the list of casualties grows longer, and I wonder who will be +left. + +_19 November. Furnes._--Early on Monday, the 16th, I left Boulogne in +Lady Bagot's car and came to Dunkirk, where I was laid up with a cold +for two or three days. It was singularly uncomfortable, as no one ever +answered my bell, etc.; but I had a bed, which is always such a comfort, +and the room was heated, so I got my things dry. Very often I find the +only way to do this or to get dry clothing is to take things to bed with +one--it is rather chilly, but better than putting on wet things in the +morning. + +The usual number of unexpected people keep coming and going. At Boulogne +I met Lady Eileen Elliot, Ian Malcolm, Lord Francis Scott, and various +others--all very English and clean and well fed. It was quite different +from Furnes, to which I returned on Wednesday. Most of us sleep on +mattresses on the floor at Furnes, but even these were all occupied, so +I hopped about getting in where I could. The cold weather "set in in +earnest" as newspapers say, and when it does that in Furnes it seems to +be particularly in earnest. + + * * * * * + +_To Lady Clementine Waring._ + +HOTEL DES ARCADES, +DUNKERQUE, +_18 November, 1914._ + +DEAREST CLEMMIE, + +Forgive the delay in writing again. I was too sick about it all at +first, then I was sent for to go to Boulogne to see my nephew, who is +badly wounded. I can't explain the present situation to you because it +would only be censored, but I hope to write about it later. + +I shall manage the soup-kitchens soon, I hope, but next week will decide +that and many things. The objection to the _pattern_ is that those vans +would overturn going round corners when hitched on behind ambulances. +Some wealthy people are giving a regular motor kitchen to run about to +various "dressing"-stations--this will be most useful, but it doesn't do +away with the need of something to eat during those interminable waits +at the _railway_-stations. + +[Page Heading: CHANGES IN THE SITUATION] + +To-morrow I begin my own little soup-kitchen at Furnes. I have a room +but no van, and this is most unsatisfactory, as any day the room (so +near the station) may be commandeered. A van would make me quite +independent, but I must feel my way. The situation changes very often, +as you will of course see, and when one is quite close to the Front one +has to be always changing with it. + +I want helpers and I want vans, but rules are becoming stricter than +ever. Even Adeline, Duchess of Bedford, whose good work everyone knows, +has waited for a permit for a week at Boulogne, and has now gone home. +When all the useful women have been expelled there will follow the usual +tale of soldiers' suffering and privations: when women are about they +don't let them suffer. + +The only plan (if you know of any man who wants to come out) is to know +how to drive a motor-car and then to offer it and his services to the +Red Cross Society. I have set my heart on station soup-kitchens because +I see the men put into horse-boxes on straw straight off the field, and +there they lie without water or light or food while the train jolts on +for hours. I wish I had you here to back me up! We could do anything +together. + +As ever, yours gratefully, +SALLY. + +The motor kitchens cost L600 fitted, but the maker is giving the one I +speak of for L300. Everyone has given so much to the war I don't feel +sure I could collect this amount. I might try America, but it takes a +long time. + + + + +CHAPTER III + +AT FURNES RAILWAY-STATION + + +_21 November._--I am up to my eyes in soup! I have started my +soup-kitchen at the station, and it gives me a lot to do. Bad luck to +it, my cold and cough are pretty bad! + +It is odd to wake in the morning in a frozen room, with every pane of +glass green and thick with frost, and one does not dare to think of Mary +and morning tea! When I can summon enough moral courage to put a foot +out of bed I jump into my clothes at once; half dressed, I go to a +little tap of cold water to wash, and then, and for ever, I forgive +entirely those sections of society who do not tub. We brush our own +boots here, and put on all the clothes we possess, and then descend to a +breakfast of Quaker oat porridge with bread and margarine. I wouldn't +have it different, really, till our men are out of the trenches; but I +am hoping most fervently that I shan't break down, as I am so "full with +soup." + +[Page Heading: WORK IN THE SOUP-KITCHEN] + +Our kitchen at the railway-station is a little bit of a passage, which +measures eight feet by eight feet. In it are two small stoves. One is a +little round iron thing which burns, and the other is a sort of little +"kitchener" which doesn't! With this equipment, and various huge +"marmites," we make coffee and soup for hundreds of men every day. The +first convoy gets into the station about 9.30 a.m., all the men frozen, +the black troops nearly dead with cold. As soon as the train arrives I +carry out one of my boiling "marmites" to the middle of the stone +entrance and ladle out the soup, while a Belgian Sister takes round +coffee and bread. + +These Belgians (three of them) deserve much of the credit for the +soup-kitchen, if any credit is going about, as they started with coffee +before I came, and did wonders on nothing. Now that I have bought my +pots and pans and stoves we are able to do soup, and much more. The +Sisters do the coffee on one side of eight feet by eight, while I and my +vegetables and the stove which goes out are on the other. We can't ask +people to help because there is no room in the kitchen; besides, alas! +there are so many people who like raising a man's head and giving him +soup, but who do not like cutting up vegetables. + +After the first convoy of wounded has been served, other wounded men +come in from time to time, then about 4 o'clock there is another +train-load. At ten p.m. the largest convoy arrives. The men seem too +stiff to move, and many are carried in on soldiers' backs. The +stretchers are laid on the floor, those who can "s'asseoir" sit on +benches, and every man produces a "quart" or tin cup. One and all they +come out of the darkness and never look about them, but rouse themselves +to get fed, and stretch out poor grimy hands for bread and steaming +drinks. There is very little light--only one oil-lamp, which hangs from +the roof, and burns dimly. Under this we place the "marmites," and all +that I can see is one brown or black or wounded hand stretched out into +the dim ring of light under the lamp, with a little tin mug held out for +soup. Wet and ragged, and covered with sticky mud, the wounded lie in +the salle of the station, and, except under the lamp, it is all quite +dark. There are dim forms and frosty breaths, and a door which bangs +continually, and then the train loads up, the wounded depart, and a +heavy smell and an empty pot are all that remain. We clean up the +kitchen, and go home about 1 a.m. I do the night work alone. + +_24 November._--We are beginning to get into our stride, and the small +kitchen turns out its gallons and buckets of liquid. Mrs. ---- has been +helping me with my work. It is good to see anyone so beautiful in the +tiny kitchen, and it is quaint to see anyone so absolutely ignorant of +how a pot is washed or a vegetable peeled. + +I have a little electric lamp, which is a great comfort to me, as I have +to walk home alone at midnight. When I get up in the morning I have to +remember all I shall want during the day, as the villa is a mile from +the station, so I take my lantern out at 9.30 a.m.! + +I saw a Belgian regiment march back to the trenches to-day. They had a +poor little band and some foggy instruments, and a bugler flourished a +trumpet. I stood by the roadside and cried till I couldn't see. + + * * * * * + +[Page Heading: A LETTER HOME] + +_To Miss Mary King._ + +FURNES, BELGIUM, +_27 November._ + +DEAR MARY, + +You will like to know that I have a soup-kitchen at the station here, +and I am up to my neck in soup. I make it all day and a good bit of the +night too, for the wounded are coming in all the time, and they are half +frozen--especially the black troops. People are being so kind about the +work I am doing, and they are all saying what a comfort the soup is to +the men. Sometimes I feed several hundreds in a day. + +I am sure everyone will grieve to hear of the death of Lord Roberts, but +I think he died just as he would wish to have died--amongst his old +troops, who loved him, and in the service of the King. He was a fine +soldier and a Christian gentleman, and you can't say better of a man +than that. + +I feel as if I had been out here for years, and it seems quite odd to +think that one used to wear evening dress and have a fire in one's room. +I am promising myself, if all goes well, to get home about +Christmas-time. I wish I could think that the war would be over by then, +but it doesn't look very like it. + +Remember me to Gwennie, and to all your people. Take care of your old +self. + +Yours truly, +S. MACNAUGHTAN. + + * * * * * + +_1 December._--Mrs. Knocker and Miss Chisholm and Lady Dorothy went out +to Pervyse a few days ago to make soup, etc., for Belgians in the +trenches. They live in the cellar of a house which has been blown inside +out by guns, and take out buckets of soup to men on outpost duty. Not a +glimpse of fire is allowed on the outposts. Fortunately the weather has +been milder lately, but soaking wet. Our three ladies walk about the +trenches at night, and I come home at 1 a.m. from the station. The men +of our party meanwhile do some house-work. They sit over the fire a good +deal, clear away the tea-things, and when we come home at night we find +they have put hot-water bottles in our beds and trimmed some lamps. I +feel like Alice in Wonderland or some other upside-down world. We live +in much discomfort, which is a little unnecessary; but no one seems to +want to undertake housekeeping. + +I make soup all day, and there is not much else to write about. All +along the Yser the Allies and the Germans confront each other, but +things have been quieter lately. The piteous list of casualties is not +so long as it has been. A wounded German was brought in to-day. Both his +legs were broken and his feet frost-bitten. He had been for four days in +water with nothing to eat, and his legs unset. He is doing well. + +[Page Heading: PERVYSE] + +On Sunday I drove out to Pervyse with a kind friend, Mr. Tapp. At the +end of the long avenue by which one approaches the village, Pervyse +church stands, like a sentinel with both eyes shot out. Nothing is left +but a blind stare. Hardly any of the church remains, and the churchyard +is as if some devil had stalked through it, tearing up crosses and +kicking down graves. Even the dead are not left undisturbed in this +awful war. The village (like many other villages) is just a mass of +gaping ruins--roofs blown off, streets full of holes, not a window left +unshattered, and the guns still booming. + + * * * * * + +_To Mrs. Charles Percival._ + +FURNES, BELGIUM, +_5 December._ + +DARLING TAB, + +I have a chance of sending this to England to be posted, so I must send +you a line to wish you many happy returns of the day. I wish we could +have our yearly kiss. I will think of you a lot, my dear, on the 8th, +and drink your health if I can raise the wherewithal. We are not famous +for our comforts, and it would amaze you to see how very nasty food can +be, and how very little one can get of it. + +I have an interesting job now, and it is my own, which is rather a +mercy, as I never know which is most common, dirt or muddle. I can have +things as clean as I like, and my soup is getting quite a name for +itself. The first convoy of wounded generally comes into the station +about 11 a.m. It may number anything. Then the men are put into the +train, and there begins a weary wait for the poor fellows till more +wounded arrive and the train is loaded up, and sometimes they are kept +there all day. The stretcher cases are in a long corridor, and the +sitting-up cases in ordinary third-class carriages. The sitters are +worn, limping men, with bandaged heads, and hands bound up, who are yet +capable of sitting up in a train. + +The transport is well done, I think (_far_ better than in South Africa), +but more women are wanted to look after details. To give you one +instance: all stretchers are made of different sizes, so that if a man +arrives on an ambulance, the stretchers belonging to it cannot go into +the train, and the poor wounded man has to be lifted and "transferred," +which causes him (in the case of broken legs or internal injuries +especially) untold suffering. It also takes up much room, and gives +endless trouble for the sake of an _inch and a half_ of space, which is +the usual difference in the size of the stretchers, but that prevents +them slipping into the sockets on the train. + +Another thing I have noticed is, that no man, even lying down in the +train, ever gets his boots taken off. The men's feet are always soaked +through, as they have been standing up to their knees in water in the +trenches; but, of course, slippers are unheard of. I do wonder if ladies +could be persuaded to make any sort of list or felt or even flannel +slippers? I saw quite a good pattern the other day, and will try to send +you one, in case Eastbourne should rise to the occasion. Of course, +there must be _hundreds_ of pairs, and heaps would get lost. I do +believe other centres would join, and the cost of material for slippers +would be quite trifling. A priest goes in each corridor train, and there +is always a stove where the boots could be dried. I believe slippers can +be bought for about a shilling a pair. The men's feet are _enormous_. +Cases should be marked with a red cross, and sent per S.S. _Invicta_, +Admiralty Pier, Dover. + +[Page Heading: THE SHELLING OF LAMPERNESSE] + +The fighting has had a sort of lull here for some time, but there are +always horrible things happening. The other day at Lampernesse, 500 +soldiers were sleeping on straw in a church. A spy informed the Germans, +who were twelve miles off, but they got the range to an inch, and sent +shells straight into the church, killing and wounding nearly everyone in +it, and leaving men under the ruins. We had some terrible cases that +day. The church was shelled at 6 a.m., and by 11 a.m. all the wounded +were having soup and coffee at the station. I thought their faces were +more full of horror than any I had seen. + +The parson belonging to our convoy is a particularly nice young fellow. +I have had a bad cold lately, and every night he puts a hot-water bottle +in my bed. When he can raise any food he lays a little supper for me, so +that when I come in between 12 and 1 o'clock I can have something to +eat, a lump of cheese, plum jam, and perhaps a piece of bully beef, +always three pieces of ginger from a paper bag he has of them. Last +night when I got back I found I couldn't open the door leading into a +sort of garage through which we have to enter this house. I pushed as +hard as I could, and then found I was pushing against horses, and that a +whole squad of troop horses had been shoved in there for the night, so I +had to make my entry under their noses and behind their heels. Pinned to +the table inside the house was a note from the parson, "I can't get you +any food, but I have put a bottle of port-wine in your room. Stick to +it." + +I had meant to go early to church to-day, but I was really too tired, so +I am writing to you instead. Now I must be getting up, for "business +must be attended to." + +Well, good-bye, my dear. I am always too busy to write now, so would you +mind sending this letter on to the family? + +Your loving sister, +S. MACNAUGHTAN. + + * * * * * + +_December._--Unexpected people continue to arrive at Furnes. Mme. Curie +and her daughter are in charge of the X-ray apparatus at the hospital. +Sir Bartle Frere is there as a guest. Miss Vaughan, of the _Nursing +Times_, came in out of the dark one evening. To-day the King has been +here. God bless him! he always does the right thing. + +_6 December._--My horizon is bounded by soup and the men who drink it. +There is a stir outside the kitchen, and someone says, "Convoi." So then +we begin to fill pots and take steaming "marmites" off the fire. The +"sitting cases" come in first, hobbling, or carried on their comrades' +backs--heads and feet bandaged or poor hands maimed. When they have been +carried or have stiffly and slowly marched through the entrance to the +train, the "brancard" cases are brought in and laid on the floor. They +are hastily examined, and a doctor goes round reading the labels +attached to them which describe their wounds. An English ambulance and +a French one wait to take serious cases to their respective hospitals. +The others are lifted on to train-stretchers and carried to the train. + +[Page Heading: A QUESTION OF STRETCHERS] + +Two doctors came out from England on inspection duty to-day. They asked +if I had anything to report, and I made them come to the station to go +into this matter of the different-sized stretchers. It is agony to the +men to be shifted. Dr. Wilson has promised to take up the question. The +transport service is now much improved. The trains are heated and +lighted, and priests travel with the lying-down cases. + +_8 December._--I have a little "charette" for my soup. It is painted +red, and gives a lot of amusement to the wounded. The trains are very +long, and my small carriage is useful for cups and basins, bread, soup, +coffee, etc. Clemmie Waring designed and sent it to me. + +To-day I was giving out my soup on the train and three shells came in in +quick succession. One came just over my head and lodged in a haystall on +the other side of the platform. The wall of the store has an enormous +hole in it, but the thickly packed hay prevented the shrapnel +scattering. The station-master was hit, and his watch saved him, but it +was crumpled up like a rag. Two men were wounded, and one of them died. +A whole crowd of refugees came in from Coxide, which is being heavily +shelled. There was not a scrap of food for them, so I made soup in great +quantities, and distributed it to them in a crowded room whose +atmosphere was thick. Ladling out the soup is great fun. + +_12 December._--The days are very short now, and darkness falls early. +All the streets are dark, so are the houses, so is the station. Two +candles are a rare treat, and oil is difficult to get. + +Such a nice boy died to-night. We brought him to the hospital from the +station, and learned that he had lain for eight days wounded and +untended. Strangely enough he was naked, and had only a blanket over him +on the stretcher. I do not know why he was still alive. Everything was +done for him that could be done, but as I passed through one of the +wards this evening the nurses were doing their last kindly duty to him. +Poor fellow! He was one of those who had "given even their names." No +one knew who he was. He had a woman's portrait tattooed on his breast. + +_19 December._--Not much to record this week. The days have become more +stereotyped, and their variety consists in the number of wounded who +come in. One day we had 280 extra men to feed--a batch of soldiers +returning hungry to the trenches, and some refugees. So far we have +never refused anyone a cup of soup; or coffee and bread. + +I haven't been fit lately, and get fearful bad headaches. I go to the +station at 10 a.m. every morning, and work till 1 o'clock. Then to the +hospital for lunch. I like the staff there very much. The surgeons are +not only skilful, but they are men of education. We all get on well +together, in spite of that curious form of temper which war always seems +to bring. No one is affable here, except those who have just come out +from home, and it is quite common to hear a request made and refused, +or granted with, "Please do not ask again." Newcomers are looked upon as +aliens, and there is a queer sort of jealousy about all the work. + +[Page Heading: WAR WORKERS' DIFFICULTIES] + +Oddly enough, few persons seem to show at their best at a time when the +best should be apparent. No doubt, it is a form of nerves, which is +quite pardonable. Nurses and surgeons do not suffer from it. They are +accustomed to work and to seeing suffering, but amateur workers are a +bit headlong at times. I think the expectation of excitement (which is +often frustrated) has a good deal to do with it. Those who "come out for +thrills" often have a long waiting time, and energies unexpended in one +direction often show themselves unexpectedly and a little unpleasantly +in another. + +In my own department I always let Zeal spend itself unchecked, and I +find that people who have claimed work or a job ferociously are the +first to complain of over-work if left to themselves. Afterwards, if +there is any good in them, they settle down into their stride. They are +only like young horses, pulling too hard at first and sweating off their +strength--jibbing one moment and shying the next--when it comes to +"'ammer, 'ammer, 'ammer on the 'ard 'igh road," one finds who is going +to stick it and who is not. + +There has been some heavy firing round about Nieuport and south of the +Yser lately, and an unusual number of wounded have been coming in, many +of them "gravement blesses." + +One evening a young French officer came to the kitchen for soup. It was +on Wednesday, December 16th, the day the Allies assumed the offensive, +and all night cases were being brought in. He was quite a boy, and +utterly shaken by what he had been through. He could only repeat, "It +was horrible, horrible!" These are the men who tell brave tales when +they get home, but we see them dirty and worn, when they have left the +trenches only an hour before, and have the horror of battle in their +eyes. + +There are scores of "pieds geles" at present, and I now have bags of +socks for these. So many men come in with bare feet, and I hope in time +to get carpet slippers and socks for them all. One night no one came to +help, and I had a great business getting down a long train, so Mrs. +Logette has promised to come every evening. The kitchen is much nicer +now, as we are in a larger passage, and we have three stoves, lamps, +etc. Many things are being "straightened out" besides, my poor little +corner and war seems better understood. There is hardly a thing which is +not thought of and done for the sick and wounded, and I should say a +grievance was impossible. + +I still lodge at the Villa Joos, and am beginning to enjoy a study of +middle-class provincial life. The ladies do all the house-work. We have +breakfast (a bite) in the kitchen at 8.30 a.m., then I go to make soup, +and when I come back after lunch for a rest, "the family" are dressed +and sitting round a stove, and this they continue to do till a meal has +to be prepared. There is one lamp and one table, and one stove, and +unless papa plays the pianola there is nothing to do but talk. No one +reads, and only one woman does a little embroidery, while the small +girl of the party cuts out scraps from a fashion paper. + +The poor convoy! it is becoming very squabbly and tiresome, and there is +a good deal of "talking over," which is one of the weakest sides of +"communal life." It is petty and ridiculous to quarrel when Death is so +near, and things are so big and often so tragic. Yet human nature has +strict limitations. Mr. Ramsay MacDonald came out from the committee to +see what all the complaints were about. So there were strange +interviews, in store-rooms, etc. (no one has a place to call their +own!), and everyone "explained" and "gave evidence" and tried to "put +matters straight." + +It rains every day. This may be a "providence," as the floods are +keeping the Germans away. The sound of constant rain on the window-panes +is a little melancholy. Let us pray that in singleness and cheerfulness +of heart we may do our little bit of work. + +[Page Heading: EXPEDITION TO DUNKIRK] + +_23 December._--Yesterday I motored into Dunkirk, and did a lot of +shopping. By accident our motor-car went back to Furnes without me, and +there was not a bed to be had in Dunkirk! After many vicissitudes I met +Captain Whiting, who gave up his room in his own house to me, and slept +at the club. I was in clover for once, and nearly wept when I found my +boots brushed and hot water at my door. It was so like home again. + +I was leaving the station to-day when shelling began again. One shell +dropped not far behind the bridge, which I had just crossed, and +wrecked a house. Another fell into a boat on the canal and wounded the +occupants badly. I went to tell the Belgian Sisters not to go down to +the station, and I lunched at their house, and then went home till the +evening work began. People are always telling one that danger is now +over--a hidden gun has been discovered and captured, and there will be +no more shelling. Quel blague! The shelling goes on just the same +whether hidden guns are captured or not. + +I can't say at present when I shall get home, because no one ever knows +what is going to happen. I don't quite know who would take my place at +the soup-kitchen if I were to leave. + +_25 December._--My Christmas Day began at midnight, when I walked home +through the moonlit empty streets of Furnes. At 2 a.m. the guns began to +roar, and roared all night. They say the Allies are making an attack. + +I got up early and went to church in the untidy school-room at the +hospital, which is called the nurses' sitting-room. Mr. Streatfield had +arranged a little altar, which was quite nice, and had set some chairs +in an orderly row. As much as in him lay--from the altar linen to the +white artificial flowers in the vases--all was as decent as could be and +there were candles and a cross. We were quite a small congregation, but +another service had been held earlier, and the wounded heard Mass in +their ward at 6 a.m. The priests put up an altar there, and I believe +the singing was excellent. Inside we prayed for peace, and outside the +guns went on firing. Prince Alexander of Teck came to our service--a +big soldierly figure in the bare room. + +[Page Heading: CHRISTMAS IN BELGIUM] + +After breakfast I went to the soup-kitchen at the station, as usual, +then home--_i.e._, to the hospital to lunch. At 3.15 came a sort of +evensong with hymns, and then we went to the civil hospital, where there +was a Christmas-tree for all the Belgian refugee children. Anything more +touching I never saw, and to be with them made one blind with tears. One +tiny mite, with her head in bandages, and a little black shawl on, was +introduced to me as "une blessee, madame." Another little boy in the +hospital is always spoken of gravely as "the civilian." + +Every man, woman, and child got a treat or a present or a good dinner. +The wounded had turkey, and all they could eat, and the children got +toys and sweets off the tree. I suppose these children are not much +accustomed to presents, for their delight was almost too much for them. +I have never seen such excitement! Poor mites! without homes or money, +and with their relations often lost--yet little boys were gibbering over +their toys, and little girls clung to big parcels, and squeaked dolls or +blew trumpets. The bigger children had rather good voices, and all sang +our National Anthem in English. "God save our nobbler King"--the accent +was quaint, but the children sang lustily. + +We had finished, and were waiting for our own Christmas dinner when +shells began to fly. One came whizzing past Mr. Streatfield's store-room +as I stood there with him. The next minute a little child in floods of +tears came in, grasping her mother's bag, to say "Maman" had had her arm +blown off. The child herself was covered with dust and dirt, and in the +streets people were sheltering in doorways, and taking little runs for +safety as soon as a shell had finished bursting. The bombardment lasted +about an hour, and we all waited in the kitchen and listened to it. At +such times, when everyone is rather strung up, someone always and +continually lets things fall. A nun clattered down a pail, and Maurice +the cook seemed to fling saucepan-lids on the floor. + +About 8.15 the bombardment ceased, and we went in to a cheery +dinner--soup, turkey, and plum-pudding, with crackers and speeches. I +believe no one would have guessed we had been a bit "on the stretch." + +At 9.30 I went to the station. It was very melancholy. No one was there +but myself. The fires were out, or smoking badly. Everyone had been +scared to death by the shells, and talked of nothing else, whereas +shells should be forgotten directly. I got things in order as soon as I +could and the wounded in the train got their hot soup and coffee as +usual, which was a satisfaction. Then I came home alone at +midnight--keeping as near the houses as I could because of possible +shells--and so to bed, very cold, and rather too inclined to think about +home. + +_26 December._--Went to the station. Oddly enough, very few wounded were +there, so I came away, and had my first day at home. I got a little +oil-stove put in my room, wrote letters, tidied up, and thoroughly +enjoyed myself. + +A Taube came over and hovered above Furnes, and dropped bombs. I was at +the Villa, and the family of Joos and I stood and watched it, and a +nasty dangerous moth it looked away up in the sky. Presently it came +over our house, so we went down to the kitchen. A few shots were fired, +but the Taube was far too high up to be hit. Max, the Joos' cousin, went +out and "tirait," to the admiration of the women-kind, and then, of +course, "Papa" had to have a try. The two men, with their little gun and +their talk and gesticulations, lent a queer touch of comic opera to the +scene. The garden was so small, the men in their little hats were so +suggestive of the "broken English" scene on the stage, that one could +only stand and laugh. + +[Page Heading: A BELGIAN DINNER-PARTY] + +The Joos family are quite a study, and so kind. On Christmas Eve I dined +with them, and they gave me the best of all they had. There was a +pheasant, which someone had given the doctor (I fancy he is a very small +practitioner amongst the poor people); surely, never did a bird give +more pleasure. I had known of its arrival days before by seeing +Fernande, the little girl, decorated with feathers from its tail. Then +the good papa must be decorated also, and these small jokes delighted +the whole family to the point of ecstasy. + +On Christmas Eve Monsieur Max conceived the splendid joke, carefully +arranged, of presenting Madame Joos--who is young and pretty--and the +doctor with two parcels, which on being opened contained the child's +umbrella and a toy gun. There wasn't even a comic address on the +parcels; but Yrma, the servant, carefully trained for the part, brought +them in in fits of delight, and all the family laughed with joy till the +tears ran down their cheeks. As they wiped their eyes, they admitted +they were sick with laughter. After supper we had the pianola, played by +papa; and I must say that, when one can get nothing else, this +instrument gives a great deal of pleasure. One gets a sort of ache for +music which is just as bad as being hungry. + +_27 December._--Bad, bad weather again. It has rained almost +continuously for five weeks. Yesterday it snowed. Always the wind blows, +and _something_ lashes itself against the panes. One can't leave the +windows open, as the rooms get flooded. It is amazingly cold o' nights, +I can't sleep for the cold. + +We have some funny incidents at the station sometimes. A particularly +amusing one occurred the other day, when three ladies in knickerbockers +and khaki and badges appeared at our soup-kitchen door and announced +they were "on duty" there till 6 o'clock. I was not there, but the scene +that followed has been described to me, and has often made me laugh. + +It seems the ladies never got further than the door! +Some people might have been firm in the "Too sorry! +Come-some-other-day-when-we-are-not-so-busy" sort of way. Not so Miss +----. In more primitive times she would probably have gone for the +visitors with a broom, but her tongue is just as rough as the hardest +besom, and from their dress ("skipping over soldiers' faces with +breeches on, indeed!") to their corps there was very little left of +them. + +[Page Heading: OUR TROUBLE WITH SPIES] + +It wasn't really from the dog-in-the-manger spirit that the little woman +acted. The fact is that Belgians and French run the station together, +and they are all agreed on one thing, which is, that no one but an +authorised and registered person is to come within its doors. Heaven +knows the trouble there has been with spies, and this rule is absolutely +necessary. + +Two Red Cross khaki-clad men have been driving everywhere in Furnes, and +have been found to be Germans. Had we permitted itinerant workers, the +authorities gave notice that the kitchen would have to close. + +In the evening, when I went to the station, another knickerbockered lady +sat there! I told her our difficulties, but allowed her to do a little +work rather than hurt her feelings. The following day Miss ---- engaged +in deadly conflict with the lady who had sent our unwelcome visitors. +Over the scene we will draw a veil, but we never saw the knickerbockered +ladies again! + +_31 December, 1914._--The last day of this bad old year. I feel quite +thankful for the summer I had at the Grange. It has been something to +look back upon all the time I have been here; the pergolas of pink +roses, the sleepy fields, the dear people who used to come and stay with +me, and all the fun and pleasure of it, help one a good deal now. + +Yesterday was a fine day in the middle of weeks of rain. When I came +down to breakfast in the Joos' little kitchen I remarked, of course, on +the beauty of the weather. "What a day for Taubes!" said Monsieur Max, +looking up at the clear blue sky. Before I had left home there was a +shell in a street close by, and one heard that already these horrible +birds of prey had been at work, and had thrown two bombs, which +destroyed two houses in the Rue des Trefles. The pigeons that circle +round the old buildings in Furnes always seem to see the Taubes first, +as if they knew by sight their hateful brothers. They flutter disturbed +from roof and turret, and then, with a flash of white wings, they fly +far away. I often wish I had wings when I see them. + +I went to the station, and then to the hospital for slippers for some +wounded men. Five aeroplanes were overhead--Allies' and German--and +there was a good deal of firing. I was struck by the fact that the night +before I had seen _exactly_ this scene in a dream. Second sight always +gives me much to think about. The inevitableness of things seems much +accentuated by it. In my dream I stood by the other people in the yard +looking at the war in the air, and watching the circling aeroplanes and +the bursts of smoke. + +At the station there was a nasty feeling that something was going to +happen. The Taubes wheeled about and hovered in the blue. I went to the +hospital for lunch, and afterwards I asked Mr. Bevan to come to the +station to look at some wounded whose dressings had not been touched for +too long. He said he would come in half an hour, so I said I wouldn't +wait, as he knew exactly where to find the men, and I came back to the +Villa for my rest. As I walked home I heard that the station had been +shelled, and I met one of the Belgian Sisters and told her not to go on +duty till after dark, but I had no idea till evening came of what had +happened. Ten shells burst in or round the station. Men, women, and +children were killed. They tell me that limbs were flying, and a French +chauffeur, who came on here, picked up a man's leg in the street. Mr. +Bevan sent up word to say none of us was to go to the station for the +present. + +At Dunkirk seven Taubes flew overhead and dropped bombs, killing +twenty-eight people. At Pervyse shells are coming in every day. I can't +help wondering when we shall clear out of this. If the bridges are +destroyed it will be difficult to get away. The weather has turned very +wet again this evening. We have only had two or three fine days in as +many months. The wind howls day and night, and the place is so well +known for it that "vent de Furnes" is a byword. No doubt the floods +protect us, so one mustn't grumble at a sore throat. + +[Page Heading: SHELLS AT FURNES] + +_1 January._--The station was shelled again to-day. Three houses were +destroyed, and there was one person killed and a good many more were +wounded. A rumour got about that the Germans had promised 500 shells in +Furnes on New Year's Day. + +In the evening I went down to the station, and I was evidently not +expected. Not a thing was ready for the wounded. The man in charge had +let all three fires out, and he and about seven soldiers (mostly drunk) +were making merry in the kitchen. None of them would budge, and I was +glad I had young Mr. Findlay with me, as he was in uniform, and helped +to get things straight. But these French seem to have very little +discipline, and even when the military doctors came in the men did +nothing but argue with them. It was amazing to hear them. One night a +soldier, who is always drunk, was lying on a brancard in the doctor's +own room, and no one seemed to mind. + +_3 January, Sunday._--I have had my usual rest and hot bath. I find I +never want a holiday if I may have my Sundays. I spent a lazy afternoon +in Miss Scott's room, she being ill, then went to Mr. Streatfield's +service, dinner, and the station. A new officer was on duty there, and +was introduced to the kitchen. He said, "Les anglais, of course. No one +else ever does anything for anybody." + +I believe this is very nearly the case. God knows, we are full of +faults, but the superiority of the British race to any other that I know +is a matter of deep conviction with me, and it is founded, I think, on +wide experience. + +_6 January._--I went to Adinkerke two days ago to establish a +soup-kitchen there, as they say that Furnes station is too dangerous. We +have been given a nice little waiting-room and a stove. We heard to-day +that the station-master at Furnes has been signalling to the enemy, so +that is why we have been shelled so punctually. His daughter is engaged +to a German. Two of our hospital people noticed that before each +bombardment a blue light appeared to flash on the sky. They reported +the matter, with the result that the signals were discovered. + +[Page Heading: THE SHELLING GETS WORSE] + +There has been a lot of shelling again to-day, and several houses are +destroyed. A child of two years is in our hospital with one leg blown +off and the other broken. One only hears people spoken of as, "the man +with the abdominal trouble," or "the one shot through the lungs." + +Children know the different aeroplanes by sight, and one little girl, +when I ask her for news, gives me a list of the "obus" that have +arrived, and which have "s'eclate," and which have not. One can see that +she despises those which "ne s'eclatent pas." One says "Bon soir, pas +des obus," as in English one says, "Good-night, sleep well." + +_10 January._--Prince Alexander of Teck dined at the hospital last +night, and we had a great spread. Madame Sindici did wonders, and there +were hired plates and finger-bowls, and food galore! We felt real +swells. An old General--the head of the Army Medical Corps--gave me the +most grateful thanks for serving the soldiers. It was gracefully and +delightfully done. + +I am going home for a week's holiday. + +_14 January._--I went home _via_ Calais. Mr. Bevan and Mr. Morgan took +me there. It was a fine day and I felt happy for once, that is, for once +out here. + +Some people enjoy this war. I think it is far the worst time, except +one, I ever spent. Perhaps I have seen more suffering than most people. +A doctor sees a hospital, and a nurse sees a ward of sick and wounded, +but I see them by the hundred passing before me in an endless train all +day. I can make none of them really better. I feed them, and they pass +on. + +One reviews one's life a little as one departs. Always I shall remember +Furnes as a place of wet streets and long dark evenings, with gales +blowing, and as a place where I have been always alone. I have not once +all this time exchanged a thought with anyone. I have lived in a very +damp attic, and talked French to some kind middle-class people, and I +have walked a mile for every meal I have had. So I shall always think of +Furnes as a wet, dark place, and of myself with a lantern trudging about +its mean streets. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +WORKING UNDER DIFFICULTIES + + +I have not written my diary for some weeks. I went home to England and +stayed at Rayleigh House. On my way home I met Mr. F. Ware, who told me +submarines were about. As I had but just left a much-shelled town, I +think he might have held his peace. The usual warm welcome at Rayleigh +House, with Mary there to meet me, and Emily Strutt. + +I wasn't very tired when I first arrived, but fatigue came out on me +like a rash afterwards. I got more tired every day, and ended by having +a sort of breakdown. This rather spoilt my holiday, but it was very nice +seeing people again. It was difficult, I found, to accommodate myself to +small things, and one was amazed to find people still driving serenely +in closed broughams. It was like going back to live on earth again after +being in rather a horrible other world. I went to my own house and +enjoyed the very smell of the place. My little library and an hour or +two spent there made my happiest time. Different people asked me to +things, but I wasn't up to going out, and the weather was amazingly +bad. + +I was to have gone back to work on the Thursday week after I arrived +home, but I got a telegram from Madame Sindici saying Furnes was being +shelled, and the hospital, etc., was to be evacuated. Dr. Perrin, who +was to have taken me back, had to start immediately without me. It was +difficult to get news, and hearing nothing I went over on Saturday, +January 23rd, as I had left Mrs. Clitheroe in charge of my soup-kitchen, +and thought I had better do the burning deck act and get back to it. + +Mr. Bevan and Mr. Morgan met me at Calais, and told me to wait at +Dunkirk, as everyone was quitting Furnes. One of our poor nurses was +killed, and the Joos' little house was much damaged. I stopped at Mrs. +Clitheroe's flat, very glad to be ill in peace after my seedy condition +in London and a bad crossing. Rested quietly all Sunday in the flat by +myself. It is an empty, bare little place, with neither carpets nor +curtains, but there is something home-like about it, the result, I +think, of having an open fire in one room. + +On Monday, the 25th, I went back to work at Adinkerke station, to which +place our soup-kitchen has been moved. I got a warm welcome from the +Belgian Sisters. It is very difficult doing the station work from +Dunkirk, as it is 16 kilometres from Adinkerke; but the place itself is +nice, and I just have to trust to lifts. I fill my pockets with +cigarettes and go to the "sortie de la ville," and just wait for +something to pass--and some queer, bumpy rides I get. Still, the +soldiers who drive me are delightful, and the cigarettes are always +taken as good pay. + +One day I went and spent the night at Hoogstadt, where the hospital now +is, and that I much enjoyed. Dr. Perrin gave up his little room to me, +and the nurses and staff were all so full of welcome and pleasant +speeches. + +On Monday, February 8th, I went out to La Panne to start living in the +hotel there; but I was really dreadfully seedy, and suffered so much +that I had to return to the flat at Dunkirk again to be nursed. My day +at La Panne was therefore very sad, as I nearly perished with cold, and +felt so ill. Not a soul came near me, and I wished I could be a Belgian +refugee, when I might have had a little attention from somebody. + +On Tuesday, February 9th, a Belgian officer came into Adinkerke station, +claimed our kitchen as a bureau, and turned us out on to the platform. I +am trying to get General Millis to interfere; but, indeed, the rudeness +of this man's act makes one furious. + +[Page Heading: ILLNESS AT DUNKIRK] + +_14 February._--I have been laid up for some days at the flat at +Dunkirk. It is amazing to realise that this place should be one's +present idea of comfort. It has no carpets, no curtains, not a blind +that will pull up or down, and rather dirty floors, yet it is so much +more comfortable than anything I have had yet that I am too thankful to +be here. There is a gas-ring in the kitchen, on which it is possible to +cook our food, and there are shops where things can be got. + +Mr. Strickland and I are both laid up here, and Miss Logan nurses us +devotedly. Our joy is having a sitting-room with a fire in it. Was +there ever anything half so good as that fire, or half so homely, half +so warm or so much one's own? I lie on three chairs in front of it, and +headache and cold and throat are almost forgotten. The wind howls, the +sea roars, and aeroplanes fly overhead, but at least we have our fire +and are at home. + +_17 February._--Another cold, wet day. I am alone in the flat with a +"femme de menage" to look after me. A doctor comes to see me sometimes. +Miss Logan and Mr. Strickland left this morning. There was a tempest of +rain, and I couldn't think of being moved. They were sweet and kind, and +felt bad about leaving me; but I am just loving being left alone with +some books and my fire. + +I have been lying in bed correcting proofs. Oh, the joy of being at +one's own work again! Just to see print is a pleasure. I believe I have +forgotten all I ever knew before the war began. A magazine article comes +to me like a language I have almost forgotten. + +_18 February._--This is the day that German "piracy" is supposed to +begin. We heard a great explosion early this morning, but it was only a +mine that had been found on the shore being blown up. The sailors' +aeroplane corps is opposite us, and we see Commander Samson and others +flying off in the morning and whirling back at night, and then we hear +there has been a raid somewhere. When a Taube comes over here the +sailors fire at it with a gun just opposite us, and then tell us they +only do it to give us flower-vases--_i.e._, empty shell-cases! + +[Page Heading: SOME STORIES OF THE WAR] + +Mr. Holland came here to-day, and told me some humorous sides of his +experiences with ambulances. One man from the Church Army marched in, +and said: "I am a Christian and you are not. I come here for petrol, and +I ask it, not for the Red Cross, but in the name of Christ." Another man +came dashing in, and said: "I want to go to Poperinghe. I was once there +before, and the mud was beastly. Send someone with me." + +My own latest experience was with an American woman of awful vulgarity. +I asked her if she was busy, like everyone else in this place, and she +said: + +"No. I was suffering from a nervous breakdown, so I came out here. What +is your _war_ is my _peace_, and I now sleep like a baby." + +I want adjectives! How is one to describe the people who come for +one brief visit to the station or hospital with an intense +conviction that they and they only feel the suffering or even notice +the wants of the men. Some are good workers. Others I call +"This-poor-fellow-has-had-none." Nurses may have been up all night, +doctors may be worked off their feet, seven hundred men may have passed +through the station, all wounded and all fed, but when our visitors +arrive they discover that "This poor fellow has had none," and firmly, +and with a high sense of duty and of their own efficiency, they make the +thing known. + +No one else has heard a man shouting for water; no one else knows that a +man wants soup. The man may have appendicitis, or colitis, or +pancreatitis, or he may have been shot through the lungs or the abdomen. +It doesn't matter. The casual visitor knows he has been neglected, and +she says so, and quite indiscriminately she fills everyone up with +soup. Only she is tender-hearted. Only she could never really be +hardened by being a nurse. She seizes a little cup, stoops over a man +gracefully, and raises his head. Then she wants things passed to her, +and someone must help her, and someone must listen to what she has to +say. She feeds one man in half an hour, and goes away horrified at the +way things are done. Fortunately these people never stay for long. + +Then there is another. She can't understand why our ships should be +blown up or why trenches should be taken. In her own mind she proves +herself of good sound intelligence and a member of the Empire who won't +be bamboozled, when she says firmly and with heat, "Why don't we _do_ +something?" She would like to scold a few Generals and Admirals, and she +says she believes the Germans are much cleverer than ourselves. This +last taunt she hopes will make people "_do_ something." It stings, she +thinks. + +I could write a good deal about this "solitary winter," but I have not +had time either to write or to read. I think something inside me has +stood still or died during this war. + +_21 February, Sunday._--The Munro corps has swooped down in its usual +hurry to distribute letters, and to say that someone is waiting down +below and they can't stop. They eat a hasty sardine, drink a cup of +coffee, and are off! + +To-day I have made this flat tidy at last, and have had it cleaned and +scrubbed. I have thrown away old papers and empty boxes, and can sit +down and sniff contentedly. No convoy-ite sees the difference! + +[Page Heading: THE COMMUNAL LIFE] + +I think I have learnt every phase of muddle and makeshift this winter, +but chiefly have I learnt the value of the Biblical recommendation to +put candles on candlesticks. In the "convoi Munro" I find them in +bottles, on the lids of mustard-tins, in metal cups, or in the necks of +bedroom carafes. Never is the wax removed. Where it drips there it +remains. Where matches fall there they lie. The stumps of cigarettes +grace even the insides of flower-pots, knives are wiped on bread, +and overcoats of enormous weight (khaki in colour, with a red cross +on the arm) are hung on inefficient loose nails, and fall down. +Towels are always scarce; but then, they serve as dinner-napkins, +pocket-handkerchiefs, and even as pillow-cases, so no wonder we are a +little short of them. There is no necessity for muddle. There never is +any necessity for it. + +The communal life is a mistake. I wonder if Christ got bored with it. + +On Sundays I always want to rest, and something always makes me write. +The attack comes on quite early. It is irresistible. At last I am a +little happy after these dreary months, and it is only because I can +think a little, and because the days are not quite so dark. I think the +nights have been longer here than I ever knew them. No doubt it is the +bad weather and the small amount of light indoors that make the days +seem so short. + +I am going back to-morrow to the station, with its train-loads of +wounded men. I _want_ to go, and to give them soup and comforts and +cigarettes, but just ten days' illness and idleness have "balmed my +soul." + +_22 February._--Waited all day for a car to come and fetch me away. It +was dull work as I could never leave the flat, and all my things were +packed up, and there was no coal. + +_23 February._--Waited again all day. I got very tired of standing by +the window looking out on a strip of beach at the bottom of the street, +and on the people passing to and fro. Then I went down to the dock to +try and get a car there, but the new police regulations made it +impossible to cross the bridge. I went to the airmen opposite. No luck. + +There is a peculiar brutality which seems to possess everyone out here +during the war. I find it nearly everywhere, and it entails a good deal +of unnecessary suffering. Always I am reminded of birds on a small ledge +pushing each other into the sea. The big bird that pushes another one +over goes to sleep comfortably. + +I remember one evening at Dunkirk when we couldn't get rooms or food +because the landlady of the hotel had lost all her servants. The staff +at the ---- gave me a meal, but there was a queer want of courtesy about +it. I said that anything would do for my supper, and I went to help get +it myself. I spied a roll of cold veal on a shelf, and said helpfully +that that would do splendidly, but the answer was: "Yes, but I believe +that is for our next meal." However, in the end I got a scrap, +consisting mostly of green stuffing. + +"But when thou art bidden, go and sit down in the lowest room"--ah, my +dear Lord, in this world one may certainly take the lowest place, and +keep it. It is only the great men who say, "Friend, come up higher." + +"You can't have it," is on everyone's lips, and a general sense of +bustle goes with the brutality. "You can't come here," "We won't have +her," are quite common phrases. God help us, how nasty we all are! + +I find one can score pretty heavily nowadays by being a "psychologist." +All the most disagreeable people I know are psychologists, notably ----, +who breaks his promises and throws all his friends to the wolves, but +who can still explain everything in his sapient way by saying he is a +psychologist. + +One thing I hope--that no one will ever call me "highly strung." I wish +good old-fashioned bad temper was still the word for highly strung and +nervy people. + +... I am longing for beautiful things, music, flowers, fine thoughts.... + +[Page Heading: LA PANNE] + +_La Panne. 25 February._--At last I have succeeded in getting away from +Dunkirk! The Duchess of Sutherland brought me here in her car. Last +night I dined with Mrs. Clitheroe. She was less bustled than usual, and +I enjoyed a chat with her as we walked home through the cold white mist +which enshrouded La Panne. + +This long war has settled down to a long wait. Little goes on except +desultory shelling, with its occasional quite useless victims. At the +station we have mostly "malades" and "eclopes"; in the trenches the +soldiers stand in the bitter cold, and occasionally are moved out by +shells falling by chance amongst them. The men who are capable of big +things wait and do nothing. + +If it was not for the wounded how would one stand the life here? A man +looks up patiently, dumbly, out of brown eyes, and one is able to go on +again. + +_La Panne. 27 February_.--I have been staying for three nights at the +Kursaal Hotel, but my room was wanted and I had to turn out, so I packed +my things and came down to the Villa les Chrysanthemes, and shared Mrs. +Clitheroe's room for a night. In the morning all our party packed up and +left to go to Furnes, and I took on these rooms. I may be turned out any +minute for "le militaire," but meanwhile I am very comfortable. + +The heroic element (a real thing among us) takes queer forms sometimes. +"No sheets, of course," is what one hears on every side, and to eat a +meal standing and with dirty hands is to "play the game." Maxine Elliott +said, "The nervous exhaustion attendant upon discomfort hinders work," +and she "does herself" very well, as also do all the men of the regular +forces. But volunteer corps--especially women--are heroically bent on +being uncomfortable. In a way they like it, and they eat strange meals +in large quantities, and feel that this is war. + +Lord Leigh took me into Dunkirk in his car to-day, and I managed to get +lots of vegetables for the soup-kitchen, and several other things I +wanted. A lift is everything at this time, when one can "command" +nothing. If one might for once feel that by paying a fare, however high, +one could ensure having something--a railway journey, a motor-car, or +even a bed! My work isn't so heavy at the kitchen now, and the hours are +not so long, so I hope to do some work of a literary nature. + + * * * * * + +[Page Heading: LA PANNE] + +_To Miss Macnaughtan's Sisters._ + +VILLA LES CHRYSANTHEMES +LA PANNE, BELGIUM, +_Sunday, 28 February._ + +MY DEAR FAMILY, + +It is so long since I wrote a decently long letter that I think I must +write to you all, to thank you for yours, and to give you what news +there is of myself. + +Of war news there is none. The long war is now a long wait, and the huge +expense still goes on, while we lock horns with our foes and just sway +backwards and forwards a little, and this, as you know, we have done for +weeks past. Every day at the station there is a little stream of men +with heads or limbs bandaged, and our work goes on as before, although +it is not on quite the same lines now. I used to make every drop of the +soup myself, and give it out all down the train. Now we have a +receiving-room for the wounded, where they stay all day, and we feed +them four times, and then they are sent away. The whole thing is more +military than it used to be, the result, I think, of officers not having +much to do, and with a passion for writing out rules and regulations +with a nice broad pen. Two orderlies help in the kitchen, the soup is +"inspected," and what used to be "la cuisine de la dame ecossaise" is +not so much a charitable institution as it was. + +One sees a good deal of that sort of thing during this war. Women have +been seeing what is wanted, and have done the work themselves at really +enormous difficulty, and in the face of opposition, and when it is a +going concern it is taken over and, in many cases, the women are turned +out. This was the case at Dunkirk station, which was known everywhere as +"the shambles." I myself tried to get the wounded attended to, and I +went there with a naval doctor, who told me that he couldn't uncover a +single wound because of the awful atmosphere (it was quite common to see +15,000 men lying on straw). One woman took this matter in hand, purged +the place, got mattresses, clean straw, stoves, etc., and when all was +in order the voice of authority turned her out. + +This long waiting is being much more trying for people than actual +fighting. In every corps the old heroic outlook is a little bit fogged +by petty things. One sees the result of it in some wrangling and +jealousy, but this will soon be forgotten when fighting with all its +realities begins again. + +I think Britain on the subject of "piracy" is about as fine as anything +in her history. Her determination to ignore ultimatums and threats is +really quite funny, and English people still put out in boats as they +have always done, and are quite undismayed. Our own people here continue +to travel by sea, as if submarines were rather a joke, and when going +over to England on some small and useless little job they say +apologetically, "Of course, I wouldn't go if I hadn't got to." The fact +is, if there is any danger about they have to be in it. + +Some of our own corps have gone back to Furnes--I believe because it is +being shelled. The rest of us are at La Panne, a cold seaside place +amongst the dunes. In summer-time I fancy it is fashionable, but now it +contains nothing but soldiers. They are quartered everywhere, and one +never knows how long one will be able to keep a room. The station is at +Adinkerke, where I have my kitchen. It is about two miles from La Panne, +and it also is crammed with soldiers. There seems to be no attempt at +sanitation anywhere. + +I wish I had more interesting news to tell you, but I am at my station +all day, and if there is anything to hear (which I doubt) I do not hear +it. + +There is a barge on the canal at Adinkerke which is our only excitement. +It is the property of Maxine Elliott, Lady Drogheda, and Miss Close, and +to go to tea with them is everyone's ambition. The barge is crammed with +things for Belgian refugees, and Maxine told me that the cargo +represents "nearer L10,000 than L5,000." It is piled with flour in +sacks, clothing, medical comforts, etc. The work is good. + +I am sending home some long pins like nails. They are called "Silent +Death," and are dropped from German aeroplanes. Boys pick them up and +give them to us in exchange for cigarettes. + +[Page Heading: MRS. PERCIVAL'S SLIPPERS] + +I want to tell Tabby how immensely pleased everyone is with her +slippers. The men who have stood long in the trenches are in agonies of +frost-bite and rheumatism, and now that I can give them these slippers +when they arrive at the station, they are able to take off their wet +boots caked with mud. + +If J. would send me another little packet of groceries I should love it. +Just what can come by post. That Benger's Food of hers nearly saved my +life when I was ill at Dunkirk. What I should like better than anything +is a few good magazines and books. I get _Punch_ and the _Spectator_, +but I want the _English Review_ and the _National_, and perhaps a +_Hibbert_. I enclose ten shillings for these. What is being read? +Stephen Coleridge seems to have brought out an interesting collection, +but I can't remember its name. I wonder if any notice will be taken of +"They who Question." The reviews speak well of the Canadian book. + +Love to you all, and tell Alan how much I think of him. Bless you, my +dears. Write often. + +Yours as ever, +SARAH. + + * * * * * + +_1 March._--Woe betide the person who owns anything out here: he is +instantly deprived of it. "Pinching" is proverbial, and people have +taken to carrying as many of their possessions as possible on their +person, with the result that they are the strangest shapes and sizes. +Still, one hopes the goods are valuable until one discovers that they +generally consist of the following items: a watch that doesn't go, a +fountain-pen that is never filled, an electric torch that won't light, a +much-used hanky, an empty iodine bottle, and a scarf. + +_5 March._--I went as usual to-day to the muddy station and distributed +soup, which I no longer make now that the station has become +militarised. My hours are from 12 noon to 5 o'clock. This includes the +men's dinner-hour and the washing of the kitchen. They eat and smoke +when I am there, and loll on the little bench. They are Belgians and I +am English, and one is always being warned that the English can't be too +careful! We are entertaining 40,000 Belgians in England, but it must be +done "carefully." + +[Page Heading: THIEVING AND GIVING] + +It is a great bore out here that everything is stolen. One can hardly +lay a thing down for an instant that it isn't taken. To-day my Thermos +flask in a leather case, in which I carry my lunch, was prigged from the +kitchen. Things like metal cups are stolen by the score, and everyone +begs! Even well-to-do people are always asking for something, and they +simply whine for tobacco. The fact is, I think, the English are giving +things away with their usual generosity and want of discrimination, +and--it is a horrid word--they are already pauperising a nice lot of +people. I can't help thinking that the thing is being run on wrong +lines. We should have given or lent what was necessary to the Belgian +Government, and let them undertake to provide for soldiers and refugees +through the proper channels. No lasting good ever came of gifts--every +child begs for cigarettes, and they begin smoking at five years old. + +I often think of our poor at home, and wish I had a few sacks full of +things for them! I have not myself come across any instances of poverty +nearly as bad as I have seen in England. I understand from Dr. Joos and +other Belgians who know about these things that there is still a good +deal of money tucked away in this country. I hope there is, and we all +want to help the Belgians over a bad time, but it would be better and +more dignified for them to get it through their own Government. + +I had tea with Lady Bagot the other day, and afterwards I had a chat +with Prince Francis at the English Mission. Another afternoon I went +down to the Kursaal Hotel for tea. The stuffy sitting-room there is +always filled with knickerbockered, leather-coated ladies and with +officers in dark blue uniform, who talk loudly and pat the barmaid's +cheeks. She seems to expect it; it is almost etiquette. A cup of bad +tea, some German trophies examined and discussed, and then I came away +with a "British" longing for skirts for my ladies, and for something +graceful and (odious word) dainty about them. Yesterday evening Lady +Bagot dined with me. This Villa is the only comfortable place I have +been in since the war began: it makes an amazing difference to my +health. + +It is odd to have to admit that one has hardly ever been unhappy for a +long time before this war. The year my brother died, the year one went +through a tragedy, the year of deadly dullness in the country--but now +it isn't so much a personal matter. War and the sound of guns, and the +sense of destruction and death abroad, the solitude of it, and the +disappointing people! Oh, and the poor wounded--the poor, smelly, dirty +wounded, whom one sees all day, and for whom one just sticks this out. + +I have only twice been for a drive out here, and I have not seen a +single place of interest, nor, indeed, a single interesting person +connected with the war. That, I suppose, is the result of being a +"cuisiniere!" It is rather strange to me, because for a very long time I +always seem to have had the best of things. To-day I hear of this +General or that Secretary, or this great personage or that important +functionary, but the only people whom I see are three little Sisters and +two Belgian cooks. + +To give up work seems to me a little like divorcing a husband. There is +a feeling of failure about it, and the sense that one is giving up what +one has undertaken to do. So, however dull or tiresome husband or work +may be, one mustn't give them up. + +[Page Heading: THE POWER OF THE BIBLE] + +_6 March._--To-day I have been thinking, as I have often thought, that +the real power of the Bible is that it is a Universal Human Document. +The world is based upon sentiment--_i.e._, the personality of man and +his feelings brought to bear upon facts. It is also the world's dynamic +force. Now, the books of the Bible--especially, perhaps, the magical, +beautiful Psalms--are the most tender and sentimental (the word has been +misused, of course) that were ever written. They express the thoughts +and feelings of generations of men who always did express their thoughts +and feelings, and thought no shame of it. And so we northern people, +with our passionate inarticulateness, love to find ourselves expressed +in the old pages. + +I find in the Gospels one of the few complaints of Christ. "Have I been +so long time with you and yet hast thou not known me, Philip?" All one +has ever felt is said for one in a phrase, all that one finds most +isolating in the world is put into one sentence. There is a wan feeling +of wonder in it; "so long," and yet you think that of me! "so long," and +yet such absolute inability to read my character! "so long," and yet +still quite unaware of my message! The humour of it (to us) lies in the +little side of it! The dear people who "thought you would like this or +dislike that"--the kind givers of presents even--the little people who +shop for one! The friends who invite one to their queer, soulless, thin +entertainments, with their garish lights; the people who choose a book +for one, who counsel one, even with importunity, to go to some play +which they are "sure we shall like." "So long"--they are old friends, +and yet they thought we should like that play or that book! "So +long"--and yet they think one capable of certain acts or feelings which +do not remotely seem to belong to one! "So long"--and yet they can't +even touch one chord that responds! + +We are always quite alone. The communal life is the loneliest of all, +because "yet thou hast not known me." The world comes next in +loneliness, but it is _big_, and with a big soul of its own. The family +life is almost naive in its misunderstanding--no one listens, they just +wait for pauses.... + +... The worship of the "sane mind" has been a little overdone, I think. +The men who are prone to say of everyone that they "exaggerate a +little," or "are morbid," are like weights in a scale--just, but oh, +how heavy!... + +... This war is fine, _fine_, FINE! I know it, and yet I don't get near +the fineness except in the pages of _Punch_! I see streams of men whose +language (Flemish) I don't speak, holding up protecting hands to keep +people from jostling a poor wounded limb, and I watch them sleeping +heavily, or eating oranges and smoking cigarettes down to the last hot +stump, but I don't hear of the heroic stands which I know are made, or +catch the volition of it all. Perhaps only in a voluntary army is such a +thing possible. Our own boys make one's heart beat, but these poor, +dumb, sodden little men, coming in caked with mud--to be patched up and +sent into a hole in the ground again, are simply tragic. + +[Page Heading: "THE WOMAN'S TOUCH"] + +_7 March._--"The woman's touch." When a woman has been down on her knees +scrubbing for a week, and washing for another week, a man, returning and +finding his house in order, and vaguely conscious of a newer and fresher +smell about it, talks quite tenderly of "a woman's touch."... + +... There are some people who never care to enter a door unless it has +"passage interdite" upon it.... + +... The guns are booming heavily this morning. Nothing seems to +correspond. Are men really falling and dying in agonies quite close to +us? I believe we ought to see less or more--be nearer the front or +further from it. Or is it that nothing really changes us? Only war +pictures and war letters remain as a fixed blazing standard. The +soldiers in the trenches are quite as keen about sugar in their coffee +as we are about tea. No wonder men have decided that one day we must put +off flesh. It is far too obstrusive.... + +... To comfort myself I try to remember that Wellington took his old +nurse with him on all his campaigns because she was the only person who +washed his stocks properly.... + +... Surely the expense of the thing will one day put a stop to war. We +are spending two million sterling per day, the French certainly as much, +the Germans probably more, and Austria and Russia much more, in order to +keep men most uncomfortably in unroofed graves, and to send high +explosives into the air, most of which don't hit anything. Surely, if +fighting was (as it is) impossible in this flooded country in winter, we +might have called a truce and gone home for three months, and trained +and drilled like Christians on Salisbury Plain!... + +... Health--_i.e._, bad health--obtrudes itself tiresomely. I am ill +again, and, fortunately, few people notice it, so I am able to keep on. +A festered hand makes me awkward; and as I wind a bandage round it and +tie it with my teeth, I once more wish I was a Belgian refugee, as I am +sure I would be interesting, and would get things done for me! + +A sick Belgian artist, M. Rotsartz{3}, is doing a drawing of me. I go to +Lady Bagot's hospital, where he is laid up, and sit to him in the +intervals of soup. That little wooden hospital is the best place I have +known so far. Lady Bagot is never bustled or fussy, nor even "busy," and +her staff are excellent men, with the "Mark of the Lamb" on them. + +I gave away a lot of things to-day to a regiment going into the +trenches. The soldiers were delighted with them. + +_11 March._--There was a lot of firing near La Panne to-day, and a +British warship was repeatedly shelled by the Germans from Nieuport. I +went into Dunkirk with Mr. Clegg, and got the usual hasty shopping done. +No one can ever wait a minute. If one has time to buy a newspaper one is +lucky. The difficulty of communicating with anyone is great--no +telephone--no letters--no motor-car. I am stranded. + +[Page Heading: FRENCH MARINES] + +I generally go in the train to Adinkerke with the French Marines, nice +little fellows, with labels attached to them stating their "case"--not +knowing where they are going or anything else--just human lives battered +about and carted off. I don't even know where they get the little bit of +money which they always seem able to spend on loud-smelling oranges and +cigarettes. The place is littered with orange-skins--to-day I saw a long +piece lying in the form of an "S" amid the mud; and, like a story of a +century old, I thought of ourselves as children throwing orange-skins +round our heads and on to the floor to read the initial of our future +husband, and I seemed to hear mother say, "'S' for Sammy--Sammy C----," +a boy with thick legs whom we secretly despised! + +I have found a whole new household of "eclopes" at Adinkerke, who want +cigarettes, socks, and shoes all the time. They are a pitiful lot, with +earache, toothache, and all the minor complaints which I myself find so +trying, and they lie about on straw till they are able to go back to the +trenches again. + +The pollard willows between here and Adinkerke are all being cut down to +build trenches. They were big with buds and the promise of spring. + +_14 March._--I went to the station yesterday, as usual. Suddenly I +couldn't stand it any more. Everyone was cleaning. I was getting swept +up with straw and mopped up with dirty cloths. The kitchen work was +done. I ate my lunch in a filthy little out-building and then I fled. I +had to get into the open air, and I hopped on to an ambulance and drove +to Dunkirk. I had a good deal to do there getting vegetables, +cigarettes, etc., and we got back late to the station, where I heard the +Queen had paid a visit. Rather bad luck on almost the only day I have +been away. + +I am waiting anxiously to hear if the report of the new British advance +yesterday is true. When fighting really begins we are going to be in for +a big thing; one dreads it for the sake of the boys we are going to +lose. I want things to start now just to get them over, but I rather +envy the people who died before this unspeakable war began. + + * * * * * + +_To Mrs. Keays-Young._ + +CARE OF FIELD POST OFFICE, DUNKIRK, +_17 March._ + +MY DEAREST BABY, + +[Page Heading: CAPTAIN L. M. B. SALMON] + +I have (of course) been getting letters and parcels very badly lately. I +am sending this home by hand, which is not allowed except on Red Cross +business, but this is to ask how Lionel is, so I think I may send it. My +poor Bet! What anxiety for her! This spring weather is making me long to +be at home, and when people tell me the crocuses are up in the +park!--well, you know London and the park belong to me! Are the catkins +out? We can get flowers at Dunkirk, but not here. + +Not a word of war news, because that wouldn't be fair. A shilling wire +about Lionel would satisfy me--just "Better, and Bet well," or something +of that sort. + +Always, my dear, +Your loving, +S. MACNAUGHTAN. + +P.S.--Your two letters and Bet's have just come. To be in touch with you +again is _very_ pleasant. I can't tell you what it was like to sit down +to a pretty, clean breakfast to-day with my letters beside me. Someone +brought them here early. + +I heard to-day that I am going to be decorated by the King of the +Belgians, but don't spread this broadcast, as anything might happen in +war. + + * * * * * + +_20 March._--I met an Englishman belonging to an armoured car in Dunkirk +a couple of days ago. He told me that the last four days' fighting at La +Bassee has cost the British 13,000 casualties. Three lines of holes in +the ground, and fighting only just beginning again! Bet's fiance has +been shot through the head, but is still alive. My God, the horror of it +all! And England is still cheerful, I hear, and is going to hold +race-meetings as usual. + +At the station to-day I saw a mad man, who fought and struggled. I +thought madmen raved. This one fought silently, like a man one sees in a +dream. Another soldier shook all over like an old man. Many were blind. + +"On the whole," someone said to me in England, "I suppose you are having +a good time." + +There is a snowstorm to-day, and it is bitterly cold. It is very odd how +many small "complaints" seem to attack one. I can't remember the day out +here when I felt well all over. + +Last night some Belgians came in to dinner. It was like old times trying +to get things nice. I had some flowers and a tablecloth. I believe in +making a contrast with the discomfort I see out here. We forced open a +piano, and had some perfect music. + +_21 March._--The weather is brighter to-day; the sound of firing is more +distant; it is possible to think of other things besides the war. + +Mrs. ---- came to the station this morning. I think she has the most +untidy mind I have ever met with. + +With all our faults, I often wish that there were more Macnaughtans in +the world. Their simple and plain intelligence gives one something to +work upon. Mrs. ---- came and told me to-day that last night "they +laughed till they cried" over her attempt at making a pudding. I should +have cried, only, over a woman of fifty who wasn't able to make a +pudding. She and ---- are twin nebulae who think themselves +constellations. + + * * * * * + +_To Miss Mary King._ + +CARE OF FIELD POST OFFICE, DUNKIRK, +_22 March._ + +DEAR MARY, + +My plans, like those of everybody else, are undecided because of the +war. If it is going to stop in May I should like to stay till the end, +but if it is likely to go on for a long time, I shall come home. I don't +think hot soup (which is my business) can be wanted much longer, as the +warm weather will be coming. + +I have been asked to take over full charge of a hospital here. It is a +great compliment, but I have almost decided to refuse. I have other +duties, and I have some important writing to do, as I am busy with a +book on the war. I begin work as early as ever, and then go to my +kitchen. + +[Page Heading: LONGING FOR HOME] + +When I do come home I want to be in my own house, and I am longing to be +back. Many of my friends go backwards and forwards to England all the +time, but when I return, I should like to stay. + +I am in wonderfully comfortable rooms at present, and the landlady is +most kind and attentive. She gives me a morning cup of tea, and the care +and comfort are making me much better. I get some soup before I go off +to my station, and last night I was really a fine lady. When I came in +tired, the landlady, who is a Belgian, took off my boots for me! + +When I come home I think I'll lie in bed all day, and poor old Mary +will get quite thin again nursing me. The things you will have to do for +me, and all the pretty things I shall see and have, are a great pleasure +to think about! + +Yours truly, +S. MACNAUGHTAN. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +THE SPRING OFFENSIVE + + +_Villa les Chrysanthemes, La Panne._--I have been to London for a few +days to see about the publication of my little war book. I got frightful +neuralgia there, and find that as soon as I begin to rest I get ill. + +I went to a daffodil show, and found myself in the very hall where the +military bazaar was held last year. I saw the place where the Welch had +their stall. What fun we had! How many of the regiment are left? Only +one officer not killed or wounded. Lord Roberts, who opened the bazaar, +is gone too. All the soldiers whom I knew best have been taken, and only +a few tough women seem to weather the storm of life. + +I had to see publishers in London, and do a lot of business, and just +when I was beginning to love it all again my holiday was over. There had +been heavy fighting out here, and I felt I must come back. My dear +people didn't want me to return, and were very severe on the subject, +and Mary scolded me most of the time. It was all affection on their +part, although it made "duty" rather a criminal affair! + +There was endless difficulty about my passport when I returned. The +French Consulate was besieged by people, and I had to go there at 8.30 +a.m. and wait till the doors were opened, and was then told I must first +go to the Foreign Office to get an order from Colonel Walker. I went +down to Whitehall from Bedford Square, and was told I must get a letter +from Mr. Coventry. I went to Pall Mall and Mr. Coventry said it was +quite impossible to do anything for me without instructions from Mr. +Sawyer. Mr. Sawyer said the only thing he could do (if I could establish +my identity) was to send me to a matron who would make every enquiry +about me, and perhaps in three days I might get an Anglo-French +certificate, through which Mr. Coventry might be induced to give me a +letter to give to Colonel Walker, who might then sign the passport, +which I could then take to Bedford Square to be vise{4}. + +I got Sir John Furley to identify me, and then began a dogged going from +place to place and from official to official till at last I got the +thing through. I felt just like a Russian being "broken." There is a +regular system, I believe, in Russia of wearing people out by this sort +of official tyranny. I do not know anything more tiring or more +discouraging! I had all my papers in order--my passport{5}, my "laissez +passer," a letter from Mr. Bevan, explaining who I was and asking for +"every facility" for me, and my photograph, properly stamped. I am now +so loaded with papers that I feel as if I were carrying a library about +with me. Oh, give me intelligent women to do things for me! The best-run +things I have seen since the war began have been our women's unit at +Antwerp and Lady Bagot's hospital at Adinkerke. + +[Page Heading: QUARRELLING] + +I came back refreshed. I think everyone (every woman) out here has +noticed how indifferent and really "nasty" people are to each other at +the front. It is one of the singular things about the war, because one +always hears it said that it is deepening people's characters, purifying +them, and so on. As far as my experience goes, it has shown me the +reverse. I have seldom known so much quarrelling, and there is a sort of +queer unhappiness which has nothing to do with the actual war or loss of +friends. I can't be mistaken about it, because I see it on all sides. + +At the ---- hospital men and women alike are quarrelling all the time. +Resignations are frequent. So-and-so has got So-and-so turned out; +someone has written to the committee in London to report on someone +else; a nice doctor is dismissed. Every nurse has given notice at +different times. Most people are hurt and sore about something. Love +seems quite at a discount, and one can't help wondering if Hate can be +infectious! It is all frightfully disappointing, for surely one's heart +beat high when one made up one's mind to do what one could for suffering +Belgium and for the sake of the English name. + +Those two poor girls at ----! I know they meant well, and had high ideas +of what they were going to do. Now they "use langwidge" to each other +(although I know a very strong affection binds them), and very, very +strong that language is. + +Poor souls, the people here aren't a bit happy. I wonder if the work is +sufficiently "sanctified." One never knows. Lady Bagot's is the happiest +and most serene place here; her men are Church Army people, and they +have evening prayers in the ward. It _does_ make a difference. + +Scandals also exist out here, but they are merely silly, I think, and +very unnecessary, though a little conventionality wouldn't hurt anyone. +Sometimes I think it would be better if we were all at home, for +Belgians are particular, and I hate breeches and gaiters for girls, and +a silly way of going on. I do wish people could sometimes leave sex at +home, but they never seem to. I wonder if Crusaders came back with +scandals attached to their names! + +I got back here in one of those rushes of work that come in war time +when fighting is near. At first no car could be spared to meet me at +Boulogne, so I had to wait at the Hotel Maurice for two or three days. I +didn't mind much as I met such a lot of English friends, and also +visited some interesting hospitals; but I knew by the thousands of +wounded coming in that things must be busy at the front, and this made +one champ one's bit. + +The Canadians and English who poured in from Ypres were terribly +damaged, and the asphyxiating gas seems to have been simply diabolical. +It was awful to see human beings so mangled, and I never get one bit +accustomed to it. The streets were full of British soldiers, and the +hospitals swarmed with wounded. I went to visit the Casino one. The +bright sun streamed through lowered blinds on hundreds of beds, and on +stretchers lying between them. Many Canadians were there, and rows of +British. God! how they were knocked about! The vast rooms echoed to the +cries of pain. The men were vowing they could never face shells and hand +grenades any more. They were so newly wounded, poor boys; but they come +up smiling when their country calls again. + +But it _isn't right_. This damage to human life is horrible. It is +madness to slaughter these thousands of young men. Almost at last, in a +rage, one feels inclined to cry out against the sheer imbecility of it. +Why bring lives into the world and shell them out of it with jagged +pieces of iron, and knives thrust through their quivering flesh? The +pain of it is all too much. I am _sick_ with seeing suffering. + +[Page Heading: DUNKIRK SHELLED] + +On Thursday, April 29th, Mr. Cooper, and another man came for us, and we +left Boulogne. At Dunkirk we could hardly credit our eyes--the place had +been shelled that very afternoon! I never saw such a look of +bewilderment and horror as there was on all faces. No one had ever +dreamed that the place could be hit by a German gun, yet here were +houses falling as if by magic, and no one knew for a moment where on +earth or in heaven the shells were coming from. Some people said they +came from the sea, but the houses I saw hadn't been hit from the sea, +which lies north, but from the east. Others talked of an armoured train, +but armoured trains don't carry 15-inch shells. So all anyone could do +was to _gape_ with sheer astonishment. + +Dunkirk, that safest of places, the haven to which we were all to fly +when Furnes or La Panne were bombarded! Everybody contradicted one, of +course, when one declared that no naval gun had been at work, but the +fact remains that a long-range field-piece had been hidden at Leke, and +Dunkirk was shelled for three days, and, as far as I know, may be +shelled again. The inhabitants have all fled. The shops are not even +shut; one could help oneself to anything! The "etat major" has left, and +so have all the officials; 23,000 tickets have been taken at the railway +station, and the road to Calais is{6} blocked with fleeing refugees. + +It was rather odd that the day I left here and passed through Furnes it +was being shelled, and we had to wait a little while before we could get +through; and when I arrived at Dunkirk the bombardment was just over, +and a huge shell-hole prevented us passing down a certain road. + +Well, I got back to my work at Adinkerke in the midst of the fighting, +and reached it just as the sun was setting. What a scene at the station, +where I stopped before reaching home to leave the chairs and things I +had bought for the hospital there! They were bringing in civilians +wounded at Ypres and Poperinghe, which place also has been shelled (and +yet we say we are advancing!), and there were natives also from +Nieuport. + +[Page Heading: WOUNDED WOMEN AND CHILDREN] + +One whole ambulance was filled with wounded children. I think King Herod +himself might have been sorry for them. Wee things in splints, or with +their curly heads bandaged; tiny mites, looking with wonder at their +hands swathed in linen; babies with their tender flesh torn, and older +children crying with terror. There were two tiny things seated opposite +each other on a big stretcher playing with dolls, and a little +Christmas-card sort of baby in a red hood had had its mother and father +killed beside it. Another little mite belonged to no one at all. Who +could tell whether its parents had been killed or not? I am afraid many +of them will never find their relations again. In the general scrimmage +everyone gets lost. If this isn't frightfulness enough, God in heaven +help us! + +On the platform was a row of women lying on stretchers. They were +decent-looking brown-haired matrons for the most part, and it looked +unnatural and ghastly to see them lying there. One big railway +compartment was slung with their stretchers, and some young men in +uniform nursed the babies. I shall never forget that railway compartment +as long as I live. A man in khaki appeared, thoughtful, as our people +always are, and brought a box of groceries with him, and sweet biscuits +for the children, and other things. Thank Heaven for the English! + +At the hospital it was really awful, and the doctors were working in +shifts of twenty-four hours at a time. + +I left my tables, chairs, trays, etc., for the hospital at the station, +and returned early the next day, for numbers of wounded were still +coming in. I wanted slippers for everyone, but my Belgian helpers had +given a hundred pairs of mine away in my absence. They were overworked a +little, I think, so I overlooked the fact that they lost their tempers +rather badly. Besides, I will _not_ quarrel. In a small kitchen it +would be too ridiculous. The three little people fight among themselves, +but I don't fancy I was made for that sort of thing. + +There was nothing but work for some time. My "eclopes" had been entirely +neglected, and no one had even bothered to buy vegetables for the men. + +On Sunday, May 2nd, I went to see Dr. de Page's hospital. I saw a baby +three weeks old with both his feet wounded. His mother came in one mass +of wounds, and died on the operating table--a young mother, and a pretty +one. A young man with tears in his eyes looked at the baby, and then +said, "A jolly good shot at fifteen miles." + +They can't help making jokes. + +There were two Scots lying in a little room--both gunners, who had been +hit at Nieuport. One, Ochterlony from Arbroath, had an eye shot away, +and some other wounds; the other, McDonald, had seven bad injuries. +Ochterlony talked a good deal about his eyes, till McDonald rolled his +head round on the pillow, and remarked briefly, "I'd swop my stomach for +your eyes." + +Sunday wasn't such a nasty day as I usually have--in fact, Sunday never +is. But that station, with its glaring hot platform, its hotter kitchen, +and its smells, takes a bit of sticking. I have discovered one thing +about Belgium. Everything smells exactly alike. To-day there have been +presented to my nose four different things purporting to have different +odours, drains, some cheese, tobacco, and a bunch of lilac. There was no +difference at all in the smells! + +[Page Heading: WAR WEARINESS] + +I am much struck by the feeling of sheer weariness and disgust at the +war which prevails at present. People are "soul sick" of it. A man told +me last night that he longed to be wounded so that he might go home +honourably. Amongst all the volunteer corps I notice the same thing. +"Fed up" is the expression they all use, fed up with the suffering they +see, fed up even with red crosses and khaki. + +When one thinks of primrose woods at home, and birds singing, and +apple-blossom against blue sky, and the park with its flower-beds newly +planted, and the fresh-watered streets, and women in pretty dresses--but +one mustn't! + +_6 May._--Mrs. Guest arrived here to stay yesterday, and her chauffeur, +Mr. Wood, dined here. It is nice to be no longer quite alone. Last night +we were talking about how horrible war is. Mrs. Guest told me of a sight +she had herself seen. Some men, horribly wounded, were being sent away +by rail in a covered waggon ("fourgon"). One man had only his mouth left +in his face. He was raving mad, and raged up and down the van, trampling +on other men's wounded and broken limbs. + +Certainly war is a pretty game, and we must go on singing "Tipperary," +and saying what fun it is. A young friend of mine at home gave me a +pamphlet (price 2d.) written by a spinster friend of hers who had never +left England, proving what a good thing this war was for us all. When I +said I saw another aspect of it, the kind, soothing suggestion was that +I must be a little over-tired. + +_7 May._--They say La Panne is to be bombarded to-day. The Queen has +left. Some people fussed a good deal, but if one bothered one's poor +head about every rumour of this sort (mostly "dropped from a German +aeroplane") where would one be? + +I was much touched when some people at home clubbed together and sent me +out a little car a short time ago. But, alas! it had not been chosen +with judgment, and is no use. It has been rather a bother to me, and now +it must go back. Mr. Carlile drove it up from Dunkirk, and it broke down +six times, and then had to be left in a ditch while he got another car +to tow it home. Since then it has lain at the station. + +I can't get anyone to come and inspect it. The extraordinary habit which +prevails here of saying "No" to every request makes things difficult, +for no privileges can be bought. Sometimes, when I hear people ask for +the salt, I fancy the answer will be, "Certainly not." Two of our own +chauffeurs live quite close to the station: they say they are busy, and +can't look at my car. One smiles, and says: "When you _have_ time I +shall be _so_ grateful, etc." Inwardly one is feeling that if one could +_roar_ just for once it would be a relief. + +Sometimes at home I have felt a little embarrassed by the love people +have shown me--as if I have somehow deceived them into thinking I was +nicer than I really am. Out here I have to try to remember that I have a +few friends! In London I couldn't understand it when people praised me +or said kind things. + +There is only one straight tip for Belgium--have a car, and understand +it yourself. Never did I feel so helpless without one. But the roads are +too bad and too crowded to begin to learn to drive, and there are +difficulties about a garage. + +[Page Heading: MY CAR] + +This evening Mr. Wood and I went to Hoogstadt, and towed that +_corpse_--my car--up to La Panne for ---- to inspect. The whole Belgian +army seemed to gather round us as we proceeded on our toilsome journey, +with breaking tow-ropes (for the "corpse" is heavy) and defective +steering-gear. _They_ were amused. I was just cracking with fatigue. +Needless to say, ---- didn't come. As the car was a present I can't send +it back without the authority of a chauffeur. If I keep it any longer +they will say I used it and broke it.... + +There were some fearful bad cases at Hoogstadt to-day, and we were +touched to see an old man sitting beside his unconscious son and keeping +the flies off him, while he sobbed in great gusts. One Belgian officer +told us that the hardest thing he had to do in the war was to give the +order to fire on a German regiment which was advancing with Belgian +women and children in front of it. He gave the order, and saw these +helpless creatures shot down before his eyes. + +At the Yser the other night two German regiments got across the river +and found themselves surrounded. One regiment surrendered, and the men +of the other coolly turned their guns on it and shot their comrades +down. + +Some of our corps were evacuating women and children the other day. One +man, seeing his wife and daughter stretched out on the ground, went +mad, and ran up and down the field screaming. We see a lot of madness. + +_8 May._--The guns sound rather near this morning, and the windows +shake. One never knows what is happening till the wounded come in. I sat +with my watch in my hand and counted the sound of bursting shells. There +were 32 in one minute. The firing is continuous, and very loud, and +living men are under this fire at this moment, "mown down," "wiped out," +as the horrible terms go. I loathe even the sound of a bugle now. This +carnage is too horrible. If people can't "realise" let them come near +the guns. + +They were shelling Furnes again when I was at Steenkerke the other day, +and it was a strange sound to hear the shells whizzing over the peaceful +fields. One heard them coming, and they passed overhead to fall on the +old town. Under them the brown cattle fed unheeding, and old women hoed +undisturbed, and the sinking sun threw long shadows on the grass. And +then a busy ambulance would fly past on the road; one caught a glimpse +of blood-covered forms. "Yes, a few wounded, and two or three killed." + +Old women are the most courageous creatures on this earth. When everyone +else has fled from a place you can see them sitting by their cottage +doors or hoeing turnips in the line of fire. + +It was touching to see a little family of terrified children sheltering +with their mother in a roadside Calvary when the shells were coming +over. The poor young mother was holding up her baby to Christ on His +cross. + +[Page Heading: THE CRUCIFIX UNDAMAGED] + +There is a matter which seems almost more than a coincidence, and one +which has been too often remarked to be ignored, and that is, that in +the midst of ruins which are almost totally destroyed the figure of +Christ in some niche often remains untouched. I have seen it myself, and +many writers have commented on the fact. Sometimes it is only a crucifix +on some humble wall, or it may be a shrine in a church. The solitary +figure remains and stands--often with arms raised to bless. At Neuve +Chapelle one learns that, although the havoc is like that wrought by an +earthquake, and the very dead have been uprooted there, a crucifix +stands at the cross-roads at the north end of the village, and the +pitiful Christ still stretches out His hands. At His feet lie the dead +bodies of young soldiers. At Nieuport I noticed a shrine over a doorway +in the church standing peacefully among the ruins, and at Pervyse also +one remained, until the tower reeled and fell with an explosion from +beneath, which was deliberately ordered to prevent accidents from +falling masonry. + +I had to go to Dunkirk this afternoon and while I was there I heard that +the _Lusitania_ had been torpedoed and sunk with 1,600 souls on board +her. What change will this make in the situation? Is America any use to +us except in the matter of supplies, and are we not getting these +through as it is? A nation like that ought to have an army or a navy. + +Dunkirk was nearly deserted owing to the bombardment, and it was +difficult to find a shop open to buy vegetables for my soup-kitchen. +Still, I enjoyed my afternoon. There was a chance that shelling might +begin again at any time, and a bitter wind blew up clouds of prickly +dust and sand; but it was a great relief to be out in the open and away +from smells, and to have one's view no longer bounded by a line of +rails. God help us! What a year this has been! It tires me even to think +of being happy again, cheerfulness has become such an effort. + +_10 May._--I went to see my Scottish gunner at the hospital to-day. He +said, "I can't forget that night," and burst out crying. "That night" he +had been wounded in seven places, and then had to crawl to a "dug-out" +by himself for shelter. + +Strong healthy men lie inert in these hospitals. Many of them have face +and head wounds. I saw one splendid young fellow, with a beautiful face, +and straight clear eyes of a sort of forget-me-not blue. He won't be +able to speak again, as his jaw is shot away. The man next him was being +fed through the nose. + +The matron told me to-day that last night a man came in from Nieuport +with the base of a shell ("the bit they make into ash trays," she said) +embedded in him. His clothing had been carried in with it. He died, of +course. + +One of our friends has been helping with stretcher work, removing +civilians. He was carrying away a girl shot to pieces, and with her +clothing in rags. He took her head, and a young Belgian took her feet, +and the Belgian looked round and said quietly, "This is my fiancee." + +[Page Heading: THE "LUSITANIA"] + +_11 May._--To-day being madame's washing day--we ring the changes on +the "nettoyage," "le grand nettoyage," and "le lavage"--everything was +late. The newspaper came in, and was full of such words as "horror," +"resentment," "indignation," about the _Lusitania_, but that won't give +us back our ship or our men. I wish we could do more and say less, but +the Press must talk, and always does so "with its mouth." M. Rotsartz +came to breakfast. The guns had been going all night long, there was a +sense of something in the air, and I fretted against platitudes in +French and madame's washing. At last I got away, and went to the sea +front, for the sound of bursting shells had become tremendous. + +It was a sort of British morning, with a fresh British breeze blowing +our own blessed waves, and there, in its grey grandeur, stood off a +British man-of-war, blazing away at the coast. The Germans answered by +shells, which fell a bit wide, and must have startled the fishes (but no +one else) by the splash they made. There were long, swift torpedo-boats, +with two great white wings of cloven foam at their bows, and a great +flourish of it in their wake, moving along under a canopy of their own +black smoke. It was the smoke of good British coal, from pits where +grimy workmen dwell in the black country, and British sweat has to get +it out of the ground. Our grey lady was burning plenty of it, and when +she had done her work, she put up a banner of smoke, and steamed away +with a splendid air of dignity across the white-flecked sea. One knew +the men on board her! Probably not a heart beat quicker by a second for +all the German shells, probably dinner was served as usual, and men got +their tubs and had their clothes brushed when it was all over. + +I went down to my kitchen a little late, but I had seen something that +Drake never saw--a bit of modern sea-fighting. And in the evening, when +I returned, my grey mistress had come back again. The sun was westering +now, and the sea had turned to gold, and the grey lady looked black +against the glare, but the fire of her guns was brighter than the +evening sunset, and she was a spit-fire, after all, this dignified +queen, and she, "let 'em have it," too, while the long, lean +torpedo-boats looked on. + +I went to the kitchen; I gave out jam, I distributed socks, I heard the +fussy importance of minor officials, but I had something to work on +since I had seen the grey lady at work. + +In the evening I dined quietly on the barge with Miss Close and Maxine +Elliott. We had a game of bridge--a thing I had not seen for a year and +more (the last time I played was down in Surrey at the Grange!), and the +little gathering on the old timbered barge was pleasant. + +Some terrible stories of the war are coming through from the front. An +officer told us that when they take a trench, the only thing which +describes what the place is like is strawberry jam. Another said that in +one trench the sides were falling, and the Germans used corpses to make +a wall, and kept them in with piles fixed into the ground. Hundreds of +men remain unburied. + +[Page Heading: GERMAN PRISONERS] + +Some people say that the German gunners are chained to their guns. There +were six Germans at the station to-day, two wounded and four prisoners. +Individually I always like them, and it is useless to say I don't. They +are all polite and grateful, and I thought to-day, when the prisoners +were surrounded by a gaping crowd, that they bore themselves very well. +After all, one can't expect a whole nation of mad dogs. A Scotchman +said, "The ones opposite us (_i.e._, in the trenches) were a very +respectable lot of men." + +The German prisoners' letters contain news that battalions of British +suffragettes have arrived at the front, and they warn officers not to be +captured by these! + +_12 May._--To-day, when I got to the station, I was asked to remove an +old couple who sat there hand in hand, covered with blood. The old woman +had her arm blown off, and the man's hand was badly injured. We took +them to de Page's hospital. + +The firing has been continuous for the last few days, and men coming in +from Ypres and Dixmude and Nieuport say that the losses on both sides +have been enormous. There were four Belgian officers who lived opposite +my villa, whom one used to see going in and out. Last night all were +killed. + +At Dixmude the other day the Duke of Westminster went to the French +bureau to get his passport vise. The clerks were just leaving, but he +begged them to remain a minute or two and to do his little business. +They did so, and came to the door to see him off, but a shell came +hurtling in and killed them both, and of a woman who stood near there +was literally nothing left. + +Last night ---- and I were talking about the _gossip_, which would fill +ten unpublishable volumes out here.... Why do these people come out to +the front? Give me men for war, and no one else except nuns. Things may +be all right, but the Belgians are horrified, and I hate them to "say +things" of the English. The grim part of it is that I don't believe I +personally hear one half of what goes on and what is being said. They +are afraid of shocking me, I believe. + +The craze for men baffles me. I see women, _dead tired_, perk up and +begin to be sparkling as soon as a man appears; and when they are alone +they just seem to sink back into apathy and fatigue. Why won't these mad +creatures stop at home? They _are_ the exception, but war seems to bring +them out. It really is intolerable, and I hate it for women's sake, and +for England's. + +The other day I heard some ladies having a rather forced discussion on +moral questions, loud and frank.... Shades of my modest ancestresses! Is +this war time, and in a room filled with men and smoke and drink, are +women in knickerbockers discussing such things? I know I have got to +"let out tucks," but surely not quite so far! + +Beautiful women and fast women should be chained up. Let men meet their +God with their conscience clear. Most of them will be killed before the +war is over. Surely the least we can do is not to offer them temptation. +Death and destruction, and horror and wonderful heroism, seem so near +and so transcendent, and then, quite close at hand, one finds evil +doings. + +[Page Heading: A TREASURE] + +_14 May._--I heard two little stories to-day, one of a British soldier +limping painfully through Poperinghe with a horrid wound in his arm and +thigh. + +"You seem badly wounded," a friend of mine said to him. + +"Yus," said the soldier; "there were a German, and he wounded me in +three places, but"--he drew from under his arm a treasure, and his poor +dirty face was transformed by a delighted grin--"I got his bloody +helmet." + +Another story was of an English officer telephoning from a church-tower. +He gave all his directions clearly and distinctly, and never even hinted +that the Germans had taken the town and were approaching the church. He +just went on talking, till at last, as the tramp of footsteps sounded on +the belfry stairs, he said, "Don't take any notice of any further +information. I am going." He went--all the brave ones seem to go--and +those were the last words he spoke. + +Rhodes Moorhouse flew low over the German lines the other day, in order +to bombard the German station at Courtrai. He planed down to 300 feet, +and became the target for a hundred guns. In the murderous fire he was +wounded, and might have descended, but he was determined not to let the +Germans have his machine. He planed down to 100 feet in order to gather +speed. At this elevation he was hit again, and mortally wounded, but he +flew on alone to the British lines--like a shot bird heading for its own +nest. He didn't even stop at the first aerodrome he came to, but sailed +on--always alone--to his base, made a good landing, handed over his +machine, and died. + +In the hospitals what heroism one finds! One splendid fellow of 6 feet 2 +inches had both his legs and both his arms amputated. He turned round to +the doctor and said, smiling, "I shan't have to complain of beds being +too short now!" And when someone came and sat with him in his deadly +pain, he remarked in his gentle way, "I am afraid I am taking up all +your time." His old father and mother arrived after he was dead. + +Ah! if one could hear more, surely one would do more! But this +hole-and-corner way of doing warfare damps all enthusiasm and stifles +recruiting. Why are we allowed to know nothing until the news is stale? +Yesterday I heard at first hand of the treatment of some civilians by +Germans, and I visited a village to hear from the _people themselves_ +what had happened. + +My work isn't so heavy now, and, much as I want to be here when the +"forward movement" comes, I believe I ought to use the small amount of +kick I have left in me to go to give lectures on the war to men in +ammunition works at home. They all seem to be slacking and drinking, and +I believe one might rouse them if one went oneself, and told stories of +heroism, and tales of the front. The British authorities out here seem +to think I ought to go home and give lectures at various centres, and I +have heard from Vickers-Maxim's people that they want me to come. + +I think I'll arrive in London about the 1st of June, as there is a good +deal to arrange, and I have to see heads of departments. One has to +forget all about _parties_ in politics, and get help from Lloyd George +himself. I only hope the lectures may be of some use. + + * * * * * + +[Page Heading: TO MRS. FFOLLIOTT] + +_To Mrs. ffolliott._ + +VILLA LES CHRYSANTHEMES, +LA PANNE, BELGIUM, +_16 May._ + +DARLING OLD POOT, + +One line, to wish you with all my heart a happy birthday. I shan't +forget you on the 22nd. Will you buy yourself some little thing with the +enclosed cheque? + +This war becomes a terrible strain. I don't know what we shall do when +four nephews, a brother-in-law, and a nephew to be are in the field. + +I get quite sick with the loss of life that is going on; the whole land +seems under the shadow of death. I shall always think it an idiotic way +of settling disputes to plug pieces of iron and steel into innocent boys +and men. But the bravery is simply wonderful. I could tell you stories +which are almost unbelievable of British courage and fortitude. + +I am coming home soon to give some lectures, and then I hope to come out +here again. + +Bless you, dear Poot, + +Your loving +SARAH. + + * * * * * + +_17 May._--I saw a most curious thing to-day. A soldier in the Pavilion +St. Vincent showed me five 5-franc pieces which he had had in his +pocket when he was shot. A piece of shrapnel had bent the whole five +until they were welded together. The shrapnel fitted into the silver +exactly, and actually it was silvered by the scrape it had made against +the coin. I should like to have had it, but the man valued his souvenir, +so one didn't like to offer him money for it. + +A young Canadian found a comrade of his nailed to a door, and stone +dead, of course. When did he die? + +A Belgian doctor told Mrs. Wynne that in looking through a German +officer's knapsack he found a quantity of children's hands--a pretty +souvenir! I write these things down because they must be known, and if I +go home to lecture to munition-workers I suppose I must tell them of +these barbarities. + +Meanwhile, the German prisoners in England are getting country houses +placed at their service, electric light, baths, etc., and they say girls +are allowed to come and play lawn tennis with them. The ships where they +are interned are costing us L86,000 a month. Our own men imprisoned in +Germany are starved, and beaten, and spat upon. They sleep on mouldy +straw, have no sanitation, and in winter weather their coats, and +sometimes even their tunics, were taken from them. + +Fortunately, reprisals need not come from us. Talk to Zouaves and Turcos +and the French. God help Germany if they ever penetrate to the Rhine. + +A young man--Mr. Shoppe--is occupied in flying low over the gun that is +bombarding Dunkirk in order to take a photograph of it. + +It seems to me a great deal to ask of young men to give their lives when +life must be so sweet, but no one seems to grudge their all. Of some one +hears touching and splendid stories; others, one knows, die all alone, +gasping out their last breath painfully, with no one at hand to give +them even a cup of water. No one has a tale to tell of them. God, +perhaps, heard a last prayer or a last groan before Death came with its +merciful hand and put an end to the intolerable pain. + +How much can a man endure? A Frenchman at the Zouave Poste au Secours +looked calmly on while the remains of his arm were cut away the other +night. Many operations are performed without chloroform (because they +take a shorter time) at the French hospital. + +[Page Heading: A HEAVENLY HOST] + +I heard from R. to-day. He says the story about Mons is true. The +English were retreating, and Kluck was following hard after them. He +wired to the Kaiser that he had "got the English," but this is what men +say happened. A cloud came out of a clear day and stood between the two +armies, and in the cloud men saw the chariots and horses of a heavenly +host. Kluck turned back from pursuing, and the English went on unharmed. + +This may be true, or it may be the result of men's fancy or of their +imagination. But there is one vision which no one can deny, and which +each man who cares to look may see for himself. It is the vision of what +lies beyond sacrifice; and in that bright and heavenly atmosphere we +shall see--we may, indeed, see to-day--the forms of those who have +fallen. They fight still for England, unharmed now and for ever more, +warriors on the side of right, captains of the host which no man can +number, champions of all that we hold good. They are marching on ahead, +and we hope to follow; and when we all meet, and the roll is called, we +shall find them still cheery, I think, still unwavering, and answering +to their good English names, which they carried unstained through a +score of fights, at what price God and a few comrades know. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +LAST DAYS IN FLANDERS + + +_19 May._--In order to get material for my lecture to munition-workers I +was very anxious to see more of the war for myself than is possible at a +soup-kitchen, and I asked at the British Mission if I might be given +permission to go into the British lines. Major ---- in giving me a flat +refusal, was a little pompous and important I thought, and he said it +was _impossible_ to get near the British. + +To-day I lunched on the barge with Miss Close, and we took her car and +drove to Poperinghe. I hardly like to write this even in a diary, I am +so seldom naughty! But I really did something very wrong for once. And +the amusing part of it was that military orders made going to Poperinghe +so impossible that no one molested us! We passed all the sentries with a +flourish of our green papers, and drove on to the typhoid hospital with +only a few Tommies gaping at us. + +I was amazed at the pleasure that wrong-doing gives, and regretted my +desperately strict past life! Oh, the freedom of that day in the open +air! the joy of seeing trees after looking at one wretched line of rails +for nine months! Lilacs were abloom in every garden, and buttercups +made the fields look yellow. The air was misty--one could hardly have +gone to Poperinghe except in a mist, as it was being so constantly +shelled--but in the mist the trees had a queer light on them which made +the early green look a deeper and stronger colour than I have ever seen +it. There appeared to be a sort of glare under the mist, and the fresh +wet landscape, with its top-heavy sky, radiated with some light of its +own. Oh, the intoxication of that damp, wet drive, with a fine rain in +our faces, and the car bounding under us on the "pave"! If I am interned +till the end of the war I don't care a bit! I have had some fresh air, +and I have been away for one whole day from the smell of soup and +drains. + +How describe it all? The dear sense of guilt first, and then the still +dearer British soldiers, all ready with some cheery, cheeky remark as +they sat in carts under the wet trees. They were our brethren--blue-eyed +and fair-haired, and with their old clumsy ways, which one seemed to be +seeing plainly for the first time, or, rather, recognising for the first +time. It was all part of England, and a day out. The officers were +taking exercise, of course, with dogs, and in the rain. We are never +less than English! To-morrow we may be killed, but to-day we will put on +thick boots, and take the dogs for a run in the rain. + +[Page Heading: AT POPERINGHE] + +Poperinghe was deserted, of course. Its busy cobbled streets were quite +empty except for a few strolling soldiers in khaki, and just here and +there the same toothless old woman who is always the last to leave a +doomed city. At the typhoid hospital we gravely offered the cases of +milk which we had brought with us as an earnest of our good conduct, but +even the hospital was nearly empty. However, a secretary offered us a +cup of tea, and in the dining-room we found Madame van den Steen, who +had just returned to take up her noble work again. She was at Dinant, at +her own chateau, when war broke out, and she was most interesting, and +able to tell me things at first hand. The German methods are pretty well +known now, but she told me a great deal which only women talking +together could discuss. When a village or town was taken, the women +inhabitants were quite at the mercy of the Germans. + +Continuing, Madame van den Steen said that all the filthiness that could +be thought of was committed--the furniture, cupboards, flowerpots, and +even bridge-tables, being sullied by these brutes. Children had their +hands cut off, and one woman, at least, at Dinant was crucified. One's +pen won't write more. The horrors upset one too much. All the babies +born about that time died; their mothers had been so shocked and +frightened.... + +Of Ypres Madame said, "It smells of lilac and death." Some Englishmen +were looking for the body of a comrade there, and failed to find it +amongst the ruins of the burning and devastated town. By seeming chance +they opened the door of a house which still stood, and found in a room +within an old man of eighty-six, sitting placidly in a chair. He said, +"How do you do?" and bade them be seated, and when they exclaimed, +aghast at his being still in Ypres, he replied that he was paralysed +and couldn't move, but that he knew God would send someone to take him +away; and he smiled gently at them, and was taken away in their +ambulance. + +Madame gave me a shell-case, and asked Mr. Thompson if he would bring in +his large piece to show us. He wheeled it across the hall, as no one +could lift it, and this was only the _base_ of a 15-inch shell. It was +picked up in the garden of the hospital, and had travelled fifteen +miles! + +The other day I went to see for myself some of the poor refugees at +Coxide. There were twenty-five people in one small cottage. Some were +sleeping in a cart. One weeping woman, wearing the little black woollen +cap which all the women wear, told me that she and her family had to fly +from their little farm at Lombaertzyde because it was being shelled by +the Germans, but afterwards, when all seemed quiet, they went back to +their home to save the cows. Alas, the Germans were there! They made +this woman (who was expecting a baby) and all her family stand in a row, +and one girl of twenty, the eldest daughter, was shot before their eyes. +When the poor mother begged for the body of her child it was refused +her. + +The _Times_ list of atrocities is too frightful, and all the evidence +has been sifted and proved to be true. + +_20 May._--Yesterday I arranged with Major du Pont about leaving the +station to go home and give lectures in England. Then I had a good deal +to do, so I abandoned my plan of visiting refugees with Etta Close, and +stayed on at the station. At 5.30 I came back to La Panne to see +Countess de Caraman Chimay, the dame d'honneur of the Queen of the +Belgians; then I went on to dine with the nurses at the "Ocean." Here I +heard that Adinkerke, which I had just left, was being shelled. +Fortunately, the station being there, I hope the inhabitants got away; +but it was unpleasant to hear the sound of guns so near. I knew the +three Belgian Sisters would be all right, as they have a good cellar at +their house, and I could trust Lady Bagot's staff to look after her. All +the same, it was a horrible night, full of anxiety, and there seems +little doubt that La Panne will be shelled any day. My one wish +is--let's all behave well. + +I watched the sunset over the sea, and longed to be in England; but, +naturally, one means to stick it, and not leave at a nasty time. + +[Page Heading: SOCKS] + +_21 May._--Yesterday, at the station, there was a poor fellow lying on a +stretcher, battered and wounded, as they all are, an eye gone, and a +foot bandaged. His toes were exposed, and I went and got him rather a +gay pair of socks to pull on over his "pansement." He gave me a twinkle +out of his remaining eye, and said, "Madame, in those socks I could take +Constantinople!" + +The work is slack for the moment, but a great attack is expected at +Nieuport, and they say the Kaiser is behind the lines there. His +presence hasn't brought luck so far, and I hope it won't this time. + +I went to tea with Miss Close on the barge, and afterwards we picked up +M. de la Haye, and went to see an old farm, which filled me with joy. +The buildings here, except at the larger towns, are not interesting or +beautiful, but this lovely old house was evidently once a summer palace +of the bishops (perhaps of Bruges). It is called "Beau Garde," and lies +off the Coxide road. One enters what must once have been a splendid +courtyard, but it is now filled indiscriminately with soldiers and pigs. +The chapel still stands, with the Bishops' Arms on the wall; and there +are Spanish windows in the old house, and a curious dog-kennel built +into the wall. Over the gateway some massive beams have been roughly +painted in dark blue, and these, covered in ivy, and with the old +dim-toned bricks above, make a scheme of colour which is simply +enchanting. Some wind-torn trees and the sand-dunes, piled in miniature +mountains, form a delicious background to the old place. + +I also went with Etta Close to visit some of the refugees for whom she +has done so much, and in the sweet spring sunshine I took a little walk +in the fields with M. de la Haye, so altogether it was a real nice day. +There were so few wounded that I was able to have a chat with each of +them, and the poor "eclopes" were happy gambling for ha'pence in the +garden of the St. Vincent. + +In the evening I went up to the Kursaal to dine with Mrs. Wynne. Our two +new warriors who have come out with ambulances have stood this +_absolutely_ quiet time for three days, and are now leaving because it +is too dangerous! The shells at Adinkerke never came near them, as they +were deputed to drive to Nieuport only. (N.B.--Mrs. Wynne continues to +drive there every night!) Eight men of our corps have funked, no women. + +I am going to take a week's rest before going home, in the hope that I +won't arrive looking as ill as I usually do. I hardly know how to +celebrate my holiday, as it is the first time since I came out here that +I haven't gone to the station except on Sundays. + +[Page Heading: SUNDAY] + +_23 May, Sunday._--I went to Morning Service at the "Ocean" to-day, then +walked back with Prince Alexander. In the evening we drove to the +Hoogstadt hospital. The King of the Belgians was just saying good-bye to +the staff, after paying a surprise visit. He has a splendid face, and +the simplicity of his plain dark uniform makes the strength and goodness +of it all the more striking. + +As I was waiting at the hospital the Germans began firing at a little +village a mile off. It is always strange to hear the shells whizzing +over the fields. We drove out to see the Yser and the floods, which have +protected us all the winter. With glasses one could have seen the German +lines. + +Spring is coming late, and with a marvel of green. A wind blows in from +the sea, and the lilacs nod from over the hedge. The tender corn rustles +its soft little chimes, and all across it the wind sends arpeggio chords +of delicate music, like a harp played on silver strings. A great big +horse-chestnut tree, carrying its flowers proudly like a bouquet, +showers the road with petals, and the shy hedges put up a screen all +laced and decorated with white may. It just seems as if Mother Earth +had become young again, and was tossing her babies up to the summer sky, +and the wind played hide-and-seek, or peep-bo, or some other ridiculous +game, with them, and made the summer babies as glad and as mischievous +as himself. Only the guns boom all the time, and my poor little French +Marines, who drink far too much, and have the manners of princes, come +in on ambulances in the evening, or at the "poste" a hole is dug for +them in the ground, and they are laid down gently in their dirty coats. + +Mother Earth, with her new-born babies, stops laughing for a moment, and +says to me, "It's all right, my dear; they have to come back to me, as +all my children and all their works must do. Why make any complaint? For +a time they are happy, playing and building their little castles, and +making their little books, and weaving stories and wreaths of flowers; +but the stories, the castles, the flowers I gave them, and they +themselves, all come back to me at last--the leaves next autumn, and the +boy you love perhaps to-morrow." + +Oh, Father God, Mother Earth, as it was in the beginning will it be in +the end? Will you give us and them a good time again, and will the +spring burst into singing in some other country? I don't know. I don't +know. + +Only I do know this--I am sure of it now for the first time, and it is +worth while spending a long, long winter within the sound of guns in +order to know it--that death brings release, not release from mere +suffering or pain, but in some strange and unknown way it brings +freedom. Soldiers realise it: they have been more terrified than their +own mothers will ever know, and their very spines have melted under the +shrieking sound of shells, and then comes the day when they "don't +mind." Death stalks just as near as ever, but his face is suddenly quite +kind. A stray bullet or a piece of shell may come, but what does it +matter? This is the day when the soldier learns to stroll when the +shrapnel is falling, and to look up and laugh when the murderous bullet +pings close by. + +[Page Heading: SOUVENIRS] + +War souvenirs! There are heaps of them, and I hate them all; pieces of +jagged shell, helmets with bullets through them, pieces of burnt +aeroplanes, scraps of clothing rent by a bayonet. Yesterday, at the +station, I saw a sick Zouave nursing a German summer casquette. He said +quietly, being very sick: "The burgomaster chez moi wanted one. Yes, I +had to kill a German officer for it--ce n'est rien de quoi--I got a ball +in my leg too, mais mon burgomaster sera tres content d'avoir une +casquette d'un boche." Our own men leave their trenches and go out into +the open to get these horrible things, with their battered exterior and +the suggestion of pomade inside. + +Yesterday, by chance, I went to the "Ierlinck" to see Mr. Clegg. I met +Mr. Hubert Walter, lately arrived from England, and asked him to dine, +so both he and Mr. Clegg came, and Madame van der Gienst. It was _so_ +like England to talk to Mr. Walter again, and to learn news of everyone, +and we actually sat up till 10.30, and had a great pow-wow. + +Mr. Walter attaches great importance to the fact that the Germans are +courageous in victory, but their spirits go down at once under defeat, +and he thinks that even one decisive defeat would do wonders in the way +of bringing the war to an end. The Russians are preparing for a winter +campaign. I look at all my "woollies," and wonder if I had better save +some for 1916. What new horrors will have been invented by that time? I +hear the Germans are throwing vitriol now! In their results I hate hand +grenades more than anything. The poor burnt faces which have been +wounded by them are hardly human sometimes, and in their bandages they +have a suggestion of something tragically grotesque. + +_26 May._--We had a great day--rather, a glorious day--at the station +yesterday. In the morning I heard that "les anglais" were arriving +there, and, although the news was a little startling, I couldn't go +early to Adinkerke because I felt so seedy. However, I got off at last +in a "camion," and when I arrived I found the little station hospital +and salle and Lady Bagot's hospital crowded with men in khaki. + +We don't know yet all that it means. The fighting has been fierce and +awful at Ypres. Are the hospitals at the base all crowded? Is there no +more room for our men? What numbers of them have fallen? Who is killed, +and who is left? + +All questions are idle for the moment. Only I have a postcard to say +that Colin is at the front, so I suppose until the war is over I shall +go on being very sick with anxiety. At night I say to myself, as the +guns boom on, "Is he lying out in the open with a bullet through his +heart?" and in the morning I say, "Is he safe in hospital, and wounded, +or is he still with his men, making them follow him (in the way he has) +wherever he likes to lead them?" God knows, and the War Office, and +neither tells us much. + +[Page Heading: GAS-POISONING] + +The men at the station were nearly all cases of asphyxiation by gas. +Unless one had actually seen the immediate results one could hardly have +credited it. In a day or two the soldiers may leave off twitching and +shuddering as they breathe, and may be able to draw a breath fairly, but +an hour or two after they have inhaled the deadly German gas is an awful +time to see one's men. Most of them yesterday were in bed, but a few sat +on canvas chairs round the empty stove in the salle, and all slept, even +those in deadly pain. Sleep comes to these tired soldiers like a death. +They succumb to it. They are difficult to rouse. They are oblivious, and +want nothing else. They are able to sleep anywhere and in any position, +but even in sleep they twitch and shudder, and their sides heave like +those of spent horses. + +It struck me very forcibly that what was immediately wanted was a long +draught for each of them of some clean, simple stimulant. I went and +bought them red wine, and I could see that this seemed to do good, and I +went to the barge and got bottles of whisky and a quantity of distilled +water, and we dosed the men. It seemed to do them a wonderful lot of +good, and in some way acted as an antidote to the poison. Also, it +pulled them together, and they got some quieter sleep afterwards. + +Towards the afternoon, indeed, all but one Irishman seemed to be better, +and then we began to be cheery, and the scene at the station took colour +and became intensely alive. The khaki-clad forms roused themselves, and +(of course) wanted a wash. Also, they sat on their beds and produced +pocket-combs, and ran them through their hair. In their dirt and rags +these poor battered, breathless men began to try to be smart again. It +was a tragedy and a comedy all in one. A Highlander, in a shrunk kilt +and with long bare legs, had his head bound about with bandages till it +looked like a great melon, and his sleeve dangled empty from his +great-coat. Others of the Seaforths, and mere boys of the Highland +Territorials, wore khaki shirts over their tartan, and these were +bullet-torn and hanging in great rents. And some boys still wore their +caps with the wee dambrod pattern jauntily, and some had no caps to +wear, and some were all daubed about with white bandages stained +crimson, and none had hose, and few had brogues. They had breathed +poison and received shrapnel, and none of them had slept since Sunday +night. They had had an "awful doing," and no one knew how the battle at +Ypres had gone, but these were men yet--walking upright when they could, +always civil, undismayed, intelligent, and about as like giving in as a +piece of granite. + +Only the young Scottish boys--the children of seventeen who had sworn in +as nineteen--were longing for Loch Lomond's side and the falls of +Inversnaid. I believe the Loch Lomond lads believed that the white burn +that falls over the rocks near the pier has no rival (although they have +heard of Niagara and the Victoria Falls), and it's "oor glen" and "oor +country" wi' them all. And one boy wanted his mother badly, and said so. +But oh, how ready they were to be cheery! how they enjoyed their day! +And, indeed, we did our best for them. + +[Page Heading: A GARDEN-PARTY] + +Lady Bagot's hospital was full, and we called it her garden-party when +we all had tea in the open air there. We fed them, we got them +handkerchiefs, our good du Pont got them tubs, the cook heaped more coal +on the fire, although it was very hot, and made soup in buckets, and +then began a curious stage scene which I shall never forget. It was on +the platform of the station. A band appeared from somewhere, and, out of +compliment to the English, played "God Save the King." All the dirty +bandaged men stood at attention. As they did so an armoured train backed +slowly into the station and an aeroplane swooped overhead. At Drury Lane +one would have said that the staging had been overdone, that the clothes +were too ragged, the men too gaunt and too much wounded, and that by no +stretch of imagination could a band be playing "God save the King" while +a square painted train called "Lou-lou" steamed in, looking like a +child's giant gaudy toy, and an aeroplane fussed overhead. + +Everyone had stories to tell, but I think the best of them concerns the +arrival of the wounded last night. All the beds in Lady Bagot's little +hospital were full, and the Belgians who occupied them insisted on +getting up and giving their places to the English. They lay on the floor +or stood on their feet all night, and someone told me that even very +sick men leapt from their beds to give them to their Allies. + +God help us, what a mixture it all is! Here were men talking of the very +_sound_ of bayonets on human flesh; here were men not only asphyxiated +by gas, but blinded by the pepper that the Germans mix with it; and here +were men determined to give no quarter--yet they were babbling of Loch +Lomond's side and their mothers, and fighting as to who should give up +their beds to each other. + +Of course the day ended with the exchange of souvenirs, and the soldiers +pulled buttons off their coats and badges out of their caps. And when it +was all over, every mother's son of them rolled round and went to sleep. +Most of them, I thought, had a curious air of innocence about them as +they slept. + +_27 May._--I took a great bundle of newspapers and magazines to the +"Jellicoe" men to-day. English current literature isn't a waste out +here, and I often wonder why people don't buy more. They all fall upon +my tableful, and generally bear away much of it. + +The war news, even in the ever optimistic English press, is _not_ good, +but not nearly as bad as what seems to me the real condition of affairs. +The shortage of high explosives is very great. At Nieuport yesterday +Mrs. Wynne said to a French officer, "Things seem quiet here to-day," at +which he laughed, and said, "I suppose even Germans will stop firing +when they know you have no ammunition." + +[Page Heading: SLACKERS IN GLASGOW] + +In France the armament works are going night and day, and the men work +in shifts of 24 hours--even the women only get one day off in a +week--while in Glasgow the men are sticking out for strict labour +conditions, and are "slacking" from Friday night till late on Tuesday +morning, and then demanding extra pay for overtime. And this in face of +the bare facts that since October the Allies have lost ground in Russia; +in Belgium they remain as they were; and in France they have advanced a +few kilometres. At Ypres the Germans are now within a mile of us, and +the losses there are terrible. Whom shall we ever see again? + +Men come out to die now, not to fight. One order from a sergeant was, +"You've got to take that trench. You can't do it. Get on!" + +A captain was heard saying to a gunner subaltern: "We must go back and +get that gun." The subaltern said, "We shall be killed, but it doesn't +matter." The captain echoed heavily, "No, it doesn't matter," and they +went back. + +Sir William Ramsay, speaking about the war, says that half the adult +male population of Europe will be killed before it is over. Those who +are left will be the feeble ones, the slackers, the unfit, and the +cowards. It is good to be left to breed from such stock! + +It is odd to me how confusing is the want of difference that has come to +pass between the living and the not living. Cottages and little towns +seem to be part of nature. One regrets their destruction almost as one +regrets the loss of life. They have a tragic look, with their +dishevelled windows and stripped roofs and skeleton frames. Life has +become so cheap that cottages seem almost as valuable. "It doesn't +matter"--nothing matters. I rather dread going back to London, because +there things may begin to seem important and one will be in bondage +again. Here our men are going to their death laughing because it doesn't +matter. + +There is a proud humility about my countrymen which few people have yet +realised. It is the outcome of nursery days and public schools. No one +is allowed to think much of himself in either place, so when he dies, +"It doesn't matter." + +God help the boys! If they only knew how much it mattered to _us_! Life +is over for them. We don't even know for certain that they will live +again. But their _spirit_, as I know it, can never die. I am not sure +about the survival of personality. I care, but I do not know. But I do +know that by these simple, glorious, uncomplaining deaths, some higher, +purer, more splendid place is reached, some release is found from the +heavy weight of foolish, sticky, burdensome, contemptible things. These +heroes do "rise," and we "rise" with them. Could Christ himself desire a +better resurrection? + +[Page Heading: LARKS] + +_28 May._--I am busy getting things prepared for going home--my lecture, +two articles, etc. I did not go to the station to-day, but worked till 3 +o'clock, and then walked over to St. Idesbald. How I wish I could have +been out-of-doors more since I came here. It is such a wonderful +country, all sky. No wonder there are painters in Belgium. During the +winter it was too wet to see much, and I was always in the kitchen, but +now I could kiss the very ground with the little roses on it amongst the +Dunes. Larks sing at St. Idesbald, and nightingales. Some fine night I +mean to walk out there and listen. + +_29 May._--To-day, according to promise, Mr. Bevan took me into +Nieuport. It was very difficult to get permission to go there, but Mr. +Bevan got it from the British Mission on the plea that I was going to +give lectures at home. + +"The worst of going to Nieuport," said Major Tyrell, "is that you won't +be likely to see home again." + +Mr. Bevan called at 10 o'clock with the faithful MacEwan, and we went +first to the Cabour hospital, which I always like so much, and where the +large pleasure-grounds make things healthy and quiet for the patients. +Then we had a tyre out of order, so had to go on to Dunkirk, where I met +Mr. Sarrel and his friend Mr. Hanson--Vice-Consul at Constantinople--and +they lunched with us while the car was being doctored. + +At last we started towards Nieuport, but before we got there we found a +motor-car in a ditch, and its owner with a cut on his head and his arm +broken, so we had to pick him up and take him to Coxide. It was a clear, +bright day, with all the trees swishing the sky, and Mr. Bevan and +MacEwan did nothing all the time but tell me how dangerous it was, and +they pointed out every place on the road where they had picked up dead +men or found people blown to pieces. This was lively for me, and the +amusing part of it was that I think they did it from a belated sense of +responsibility. + +It is as difficult to find words to describe Nieuport as it is to talk +of metaphysics in slang. The words don't seem invented that will convey +that haunting sense of desolation, that supreme quiet under the shock of +continually firing guns. Hardly anything is left now of the little +homely bits that, when I saw the place last autumn, reminded one that +this was once a city of living human beings. _Then_ one saw a few +interiors--exposed, it is true, and damaged, but still of this world. +Now it is one big grave, the grave of a city, and the grave of many of +its inhabitants. Here, at a corner house, nine ladies lie under the +piled-up debris that once made their home. There some soldiers met their +death, and some crumbling bricks are heaped over them too. The houses +are all fallen--some outer walls remain, but I hardly saw a roof +left--and everywhere there are empty window-frames and skeleton rafters. + +[Page Heading: NIEUPORT] + +I never knew so surely that a town can live and can die, and it set one +wondering whether Life means a thing as a whole and Death simply +disintegration. A perfect crystal, chemists tell us, has the elements of +life in it and may be said to live. Destruction and decay mean death; +separation and disintegration mean death. In this way we die, a crystal +dies, a flower or a city dies. Nieuport is dead. There isn't a +heart-beat left to throb in it. Thousands and thousands of shells have +fallen into it, and at night the nightingale sings there, and by day +the river flows gently under the ruined bridge. Every tree in a wood +near by is torn and beheaded; hardly one has the top remaining. The new +green pushes out amongst the blackened trunks. + +One speaks low in Nieuport, the place is so horribly dead. + +Mr. Bevan showed me a shell-hole 42 feet across, made by one single +"soixante-quinze" shell. Every field is pitted with holes, and where +there are stretches of pale-coloured mud the round pits dotted all over +it give one the impression of an immense Gruyere cheese. The streets, +heaped with debris, and with houses fallen helplessly forward into their +midst, were full of sunshine. From ruined cottages--whose insecure walls +tottered--one saw here and there some Zouaves or a little French "marin" +appear. Most of these ran out with letters in their hands for us to +post. Heaven knows what they can have to write about from that grave! + +Some beautiful pillars of the cathedral still stand, and the tower, full +of holes, has not yet bent its head. Lieutenant Shoppe, R.N., sits up +there all day, and takes observations, with the shells knocking gaily +against the walls. One day the tower will fall or its stones will be +pierced, and then Lieutenant Shoppe, R.N., will be killed, as the +Belgian "observateur" was killed at Oostkerke the other day. He still +hangs there across a beam for all the world to see. His arms are +stretched out, and his body lies head downwards, and no one can go near +the dead Belgian because the tower is too unsafe now. One day perhaps +it will fall altogether and bury him. + +Meanwhile, in the tower of the ruined cathedral at Nieuport Shoppe sits +in his shirt-sleeves, with his telephone beside him and his observation +instruments. His small staff are with him. They are immensely interested +in the range of a gun and the accuracy of a hit. I believe they do not +think of anything else. No doubt the tower shakes a great deal when a +shell hits it, and no doubt the number of holes in its sides is daily +becoming more numerous. Each morning that Shoppe leaves home to spend +his day in the tower he runs an excellent chance of being killed, and in +the evening he returns and eats a good dinner in rather an uncomfortable +hotel. + +In the cathedral, and amongst its crumbling battered aisles, a strange +peace rests. The pitiful columns of the church stand here and there--the +roof has long since gone. On its most sheltered side is the little +graveyard, filled with crosses, where the dead lie. Here and there a +shell has entered and torn a corpse from its resting-place, and bones +lie scattered. On other graves a few simple flowers are laid. + +We went to see the dim cellars which form the two "postes au secours." +In the inner recess of one a doctor has a bed, in the outer cave some +soldiers were eating food. There is no light even during the day except +from the doorway. At Nieuport the Germans put in 3,000 shells in one +day. Nothing is left. If there ever was anything to loot, it has been +looted. One doesn't know what lies under the debris. Here one sees the +inside of a piano and a few twisted strings, and there a metal +umbrella-stand. I saw one wrought-iron sign hanging from the falling +walls of an inn. + +Mr. Bevan and I wandered about in the unearthly quiet, which persisted +even when the guns began to blaze away close by us, whizzing shells over +our heads, and we walked down to the river, and saw the few boards which +are all that remain of the bridge. Afterwards a German shell landed with +its unpleasant noise in the middle of the street; but we had wandered up +a by-way, and so escaped it by a minute or less. + +In a little burned house, where only a piece of blackened wall remained, +I found a little crucifix which impressed me very much--it stood out +against the smoke-stained walls with a sort of grandeur of pity about +it. The legs had been shot away or burned, but "the hands were stretched +out still." + +As we came away firing began all round about, and we saw the toss of +smoke as the shells fell. + +[Page Heading: STEENKERKE] + +_31 May._--We went to Steenkerke yesterday and called on Mrs. Knocker, +and saw a terrible infirmary, which must be put right. It isn't fit for +dogs. + +At the station to-day our poor Irishman died. Ah, it was terrible! His +lungs never recovered from the gas, and he breathed his last difficult +breath at 5 o'clock. + +In the evening a Zeppelin flew overhead on its way to England. + +[Page Heading: NIGHTINGALES] + +There is a nightingale in a wood near here. He seems to sing louder and +more purely the heavier the fighting that is going on. When men are +murdering each other he loses himself in a rapture, of song, recalling +all the old joyous things which one used to know. + +The poetry of life seems to be over. The war songs are forced and +foolish. There is no time for reading, and no one looks at pictures, but +the nightingale sings on, and the long-ago spirit of youth looks out +through Time's strong bars, and speaks of evenings in old, dim woods at +home, and of girlish, splendid drives home from some dance where "he" +was, when we watched the dawn break, and saw our mother sleeping in the +carriage, and wondered what it would be like not to "thrill" all the +time, and to sleep when the nightingale was singing. + +Later there came the time when the song of the throbbing nightingale +made one impatient, because it sang in intolerable silence, and one +ached for the roar of things, and for the clash of endeavour and for the +strain of purpose. Peace was at a discount then, and struggle seemed to +be the eternal good. The silent woods had no word for one, the +nightingale was only a mate singing a love-song, and one wanted +something more than that. + +And afterwards, when the struggle and the strain were given one in +abundant measure, the song of the nightingale came in the lulls that +occurred in one's busy life. One grew to connect it with coffee out on +the lawn in some houses of surpassing comfort, where (years and years +ago) one dressed for dinner, and a crinkly housemaid brought hot water +to one's room. The song went on above the smug comfort of things, and +the amusing conversation, and the smell of good cigars. Within, we saw +some pleasant drawing-room, with lamps and a big table set with candles +and cards, and we felt that the nightingale provided a very charming +orchestra. We listened to it as we listened to amusing conversation, +with a sense of comfortable enjoyment and rest. Why talk of the time +when it sang of breaking hearts and high endeavour never satisfied, and +things which no one ever knew or guessed except oneself? + +It sings now above the sound of death and of tears. Sometimes I think to +myself that God has sent his angel to open the prison doors when I hear +that bird in the little wood close beside the tram-way line. + +On Thursday, June 3rd, I drove in the "bug" to Boulogne, and took the +steamer to England. I went through a nasty time in Belgium, but now a +good deal of queer affection is shown me, and I believe they all rather +like me in the corps. + + * * * * * + +The following brief impression of Miss Macnaughtan's work at the +soup-kitchen forms the most appropriate conclusion to her story of her +experiences in Belgium. She cut it out of some paper, and sent it home +to a friend in England, and we seem to learn from it--more than from any +words of her own--how much she did to help our Allies in their hour of +need: + + "It was dark when my car stopped at the little station of + Adinkerke, where I had been invited to visit a soup-kitchen + established there by a Scotchwoman. In peace she is a + distinguished author; in war she is being a mother to such of the + Belgian Army as are lucky enough to pass her way. I can see her + now, against a background of big soup-boilers and cooking-stoves, + handing out woollen gloves and mufflers to the men who were to be + on sentry duty along the line that night. It was bitterly cold, and + the comforts were gratefully received. + + "For a long time this most versatile lady made every drop of the + soup that was prepared for the men herself, and she has, so a + Belgian military doctor says, saved more lives than he has with her + timely cups of hot, nourishing food. It is only the most seriously + wounded men who are taken to the field hospital, the others are + carried straight to the railway-station, and have to wait there, + sometimes for many hours, till a train can take them on. Even then + trains carrying the wounded have constantly to be shunted to let + troop trains through. But, thanks to the enterprise and hard work + of this clever little lady, there is always a plentiful supply of + hot food ready for the men who, weak from loss of blood, are often + besides faint with hunger." + + + + +PART II + +AT HOME + +HOW THE MESSAGE WAS DELIVERED + + +_October, 1915._--So much has happened since I came home from Flanders +in June, and I have not had one moment in which to write of it. I found +my house occupied when I returned, so I went to the Petrograd Hotel and +stayed there, going out of London for Sundays. + +Everyone I met in England seemed absorbed in pale children with +adenoids. No one cared much about the war. Children in houses nowadays +require food at weird hours, not roast mutton and a good plain Christian +pudding, but, "You will excuse our beginning, I know, dear, Jane has to +have her massage after lunch, and Tom has to do his exercises, and baby +has to learn to breathe." This one has its ears strapped, and that one +is "nervous" and must be "understood," and nothing is talked of but +children. My mother would never have a doctor in the house; +"nervousness" was called bad temper, and was dosed, and stooping was +called "a trick," and was smacked. The children I now see eat far too +much, and when they finish off lunch with gravy drunk out of tumblers +it makes me feel very unwell. + +I went to the Breitmeyers, at Rushton Hall, Kettering; it's a fine +place, but I was too tired to enjoy anything but a bed. The next Sunday +I stayed at Chenies, with the Duchess of Bedford--always a favourite +resort of mine--and another week I went to Welwyn. + +I met a few old men at these places, but no one else. Everyone is at the +front. The houses generally have wounded soldiers in them, and these +play croquet with a nurse on the lawn, or smoke in the sun. None of them +want to go back to fight. They seem tired, and talk of the trenches as +"proper 'ell." + +There is always a little too much walking about at a "week-end." One +feels tired and stiff on Monday. I well remember last summer having to +take people three times to a distant water garden--talking all the time, +too! People are so kind in making it pleasant that they wear one out. + +[Page Heading: ERITH] + +All the time I was in London I was preparing my campaign of lecturing. I +began with Vickers-Maxim works at Erith, on Wednesday, 9th June, and on +the 8th I went to stay with the Cameron Heads. There was great bustle +and preparation for my lecture, Press people in the house at all hours +of the day, and so on. A great bore for my poor friends; but they were +so good about it, and I loved being with them. + +The lecture was rather a red-letter occasion for me, everyone praising, +the Press very attentive, etc., etc. The audience promised well for +future things, and the emotion that was stirred nearly bowled myself +over. In some of the hushes that came one could hear men crying. The +Scott Gattys and a few of my own friends came to "stand by," and we all +drove down to Erith in motor-cars, and returned to supper with the +Vickers at 10.30. + +The next day old Vickers sent for me and asked me to name my own price +for my lectures, but I couldn't mix money up with the message, so I +refused all pay, and feel happy that I did so. I can't, and won't, +profit by this war. I'd rather lose--I am losing--but that doesn't +matter. Nothing matters much now. The former things are swept away, and +all the old barriers are disappearing. Our old gods of possession and +wealth are crumbling, and class distinctions don't count, and even life +and death are pretty much the same thing. + +The Jews say the Messiah will come after the war. I think He is here +already--but on a cross as of yore! + +I went up to Glasgow to make arrangements there, and my task wasn't an +easy one. Somehow I knew that I must speak, that I must arouse slackers, +and tell rotters about what is going on. One goes forth (led in a way), +and only then does one realise that one is going in unasked to +ship-building yards and munition sheds and docks, and that one is quite +a small woman, alone, and up against a big thing. + +Always the answer I got was the same: "The men are not working; forty +per cent. are slackers. The output of shells is not what it ought to be, +but they _won't_ listen!" + +In the face of this I arranged seven meetings in seven days, to take +place early in August, and then I went back to give my lecture in the +Queen's Hall, London. I took the large Hall, because if one has a +message to deliver one had better deliver it to as many people as +possible. It was rather a breathless undertaking, but people turned up +splendidly, and I had a full house. Sir F. Lloyd gave me the band of the +Coldstream Guards, and things went with a good swing. + +I am still wondering how I did it. The whole "campaign" has already got +rather an unreal atmosphere about it, and often, after crowded meetings, +I have come home and lain in the dark and have seen nothing but a sea of +faces, and eyes all turned my way. It has been a most curious and +unexpected experience, but England did not realise the war, and she did +not realise the wave of heroism that is sweeping over the world, and I +had to tell about it. + +Well, my lectures went on--Erith, Queen's Hall, Sheffield (a splendid +meeting, 3,000 people inside the hall and 300 turned away at the door!), +Barrow-in-Furness. I gave two lectures at Barrow, at 3 and 7.30. They +seemed very popular. In the evening quite a demonstration--pipe band +playing "Auld lang syne," and much cheering. After that Newcastle, and +back to the south again to speak there. Everywhere I took my +magic-lantern and showed my pictures, and I told "good stories" to +attract people to the meetings, although my heart was, and is, nearly +breaking all the time. + +[Page Heading: GLASGOW] + +Then I began the Glasgow campaign--Parkhead, Whiteinch, Rose-Bank, +Dumbarton, Greenock, Beardmore's, Denny's, Armour's, etc., etc. +Everywhere there were big audiences, and although I would have spoken to +two listeners gladly, I was still more glad to see the halls filled. The +cheers of horny-handed workmen when they are really roused just get me +by the throat till I can't speak for a minute or two! + +At one place I spoke from a lorry in the dinner-hour. All the men, with +blackened faces, crowded round the car, and others swung from the iron +girders, while some perched, like queer bronze images, on pieces of +machinery. They were all very intent, and very polite and courteous, no +interruptions at any of the meetings. A keen interest was shown in the +war pictures, and the cheers were deafening sometimes. + +After Glasgow I went to dear Clemmie Waring's, at Lennel, and found her +house full of convalescent officers, and she herself very happy with +them and her new baby. I really wanted to rest, and meant to enjoy five +days of repose; but I gave a lecture the first night, and then had a +sort of breakdown and took to my bed. However, that had to be got over, +and I went down to Wales at the end of the week. The Butes gave me their +own rooms at Cardiff Castle, and a nice housekeeper looked after me. + +[Page Heading: CARDIFF] + +There followed a strange fortnight in that ugly old fortress, with its +fine stone-work and the execrable decorations covering every inch of it. +The days passed oddly. I did a little writing, and I saw my committee, +whom I like. Colonel Dennis is an excellent fellow, and so are Mr. +Needle, Mr. Vivian Reece{7}, and Mr. Harrison. A Mr. Howse acted as +secretary. + +The first day I gave a dock-gate meeting, and spoke from a lorry, and +that night I had my great meeting at Cardiff. Sir Frank Younghusband +came down for it, and the Mayor took the chair. The audience was +enthusiastic, and every place was filled. At one moment they all rose to +their feet, and holding up their hands swore to fight for the right till +right was won. It was one of the scenes I shall always remember. + +Every day after that I used to have tea and an egg at 5 o'clock, and a +motor would come with one of my committee to take me to different places +of meeting. It was generally up the Rhondda Valley that we went, and I +came to know well that westward drive, with the sun setting behind the +hills and turning the Taff river to gold. Every night we went a little +further and a little higher--Aberdare, Aberystwyth, Toney Pandy, +Tonepentre, etc., etc. I gave fourteen lectures in thirteen days. +Generally, I spoke in chapels, and from the pulpit, and this seemed to +give me the chance I wanted to speak all my mind to these people, and to +ask them and teach them what Power, and Possession, and Freedom really +meant. Oh, it was wonderful! The rapt faces of the miners, the hush of +the big buildings, and then the sudden burst of cheering! + +At one meeting there was a bumptious-looking man, with a bald head, whom +I remember. He took up his position just over the clock in the gallery. +He listened critically, talked a good deal, and made remarks. I began to +speak straight at him, without looking at him, and quite suddenly I saw +him, as I spoke of our men at the war, cover his face and burst into +tears. + +The children were the only drawback. They were attracted by the idea of +the magic-lantern, and used to come to the meetings and keep older +people out. My lectures were not meant for children, and I had to adopt +the plan of showing the pictures first and then telling the youngsters +to go, and settling down to a talk with the older ones, who always +remained behind voluntarily. + +We had some times which I can never forget; nor can I forget those dark +drives from far up in the hills, and the mists in the valley, and my own +aching fatigue as I got back about midnight. From 5 till 12.30 every +night I was on the stretch. + +In the day-time I used to wander round the garden. One always meets +someone whom one knows. I had lunch with the Tylers one day, and tea +with the Plymouths. It was still, bright autumn weather, and the trees +were gold in the ugly garden with the black river running through it. I +got a few lessons in motor driving, and I spoke at the hospital one +afternoon. I took the opportunity of getting a dress made at rather a +good tailor's, and time passed in a manner quite solitary till the +evenings. + +Never before have I spent a year of so much solitude, and yet I have +been with people during my work. I think I know now what thousands of +men and women living alone and working are feeling. I wish I could help +them. There won't be many young marriages now. What are we to do for +girls all alone? + + * * * * * + +_To Mrs. Keays-Young._ + +CARDIFF CASTLE, CARDIFF, +_31 August, 1915._ + +DEAREST BABY, + +Many thanks for your letter, which I got on my way through London. I +spent one night there to see about some work I am having done in the +house. + +I have a drawer quite full of press-cuttings, and I do not know what is +in any of them. It is difficult to choose anything of interest, as they +are all a good deal alike, and all sound my trumpet very loudly; but I +enclose one specimen. + +We had meetings every night in Glasgow. They were mostly badly organised +and well attended. Here I have an agent arranging everything, and two of +my meetings have been enormous. The first was at the dock-gates in the +open air, and the second in the Town Hall. The band of the Welch +Regiment played, and Mr. Glover conducted, but nothing is the same, of +course. Alan is at Porthcawl, and came to see me this morning. + +The war news could hardly be worse, and yet I am told by men who get +sealed information from the Foreign Office that worse is coming. + +Poor Russia! She wants help more than anyone. Her wounded are quite +untended. I go there next month. + +The King of the Belgians has made me Chevalier de l'Ordre de Leopold. + +Love to all. +Yours ever, +S. + + * * * * * + +Press-cutting enclosed in Miss Macnaughtan's letter: + + "STORIES OF THE WAR." + + CARDIFF LECTURE BY MISS MACNAUGHTAN. + + AUTHORESS'S APPEAL. + + TESTING-TIME OF NATIONAL CHARACTER. + +[Page Heading: A CROWDED MEETING] + + A large and enthusiastic audience assembled at the Park-hall, + Cardiff, on Monday evening, to hear and see Miss Macnaughtan's + "Stories and Pictures of the War." Miss Macnaughtan is a well-known + authoress, whose works have attained a world-wide reputation, and, + in addition to her travels in almost every corner of the globe, she + has had actual experience of warfare at the bombardment of Rio, in + the Balkans, the South African War, and, since September last, in + Belgium and Flanders. In her capacity as ministrant to wounded + soldiers she has gained a unique experience of the horrors of war, + and in order to bring home the realities of the situation, at the + instigation of Lady Bute, she consented to address a number of + meetings in South Wales. + + At the meeting on Monday night the Lord Mayor (Alderman J. T. + Richards) presided, and in introducing Miss Macnaughtan to the + audience announced that for her services in Belgium the honour of + the Order of Leopold had been conferred upon her. (Applause.) We + were engaged, he said, in fighting a war of right. We were not + fighting only for the interests of England and our Empire, but we + were fighting for the interests of humanity at large. ("Hear, + hear.") + + Miss Macnaughtan, in the course of her address, referred to the + origin of the war, and how suddenly it came upon the people of this + nation, who were, for the most part, engaged in summer holidays at + the time. She knew what was going on at the front, and knew what + the Welch Regiment had been doing, and "I must tell you," she + added, "of the splendid way in which your regiment has behaved, and + how proud Cardiff must be of it." We knew very well now that this + war had been arranged by Germany for many years. The Germans used + to profess exceeding kindness to us, and were received on excellent + terms by our Royal House, but the veil was drawn away from that + nation's face, and we had it revealed as an implacable foe. The + Germans had spoken for years in their own country about "The Day," + and now "The Day" had arrived, and it was for everyone a day of + judgment, because it was a test of character. We had to put + ourselves to the test. We knew that for some time England had not + been at her best. Her great heart was beating true all the time, + but there had crept into England a sort of national coldness and + selfishness, and a great deal too much seriousness in the matter of + money and money-getting. Although this was discounted in great + measure by her generosity, we appeared to the world at large as a + greedy and money-getting nation. + + However this might be, in all parts of the world the word of an + Englishman was still as good as his bond. ("Hear, hear.") Yet + England, with its strikes and quarrels and class hatred, and one + thing and another, was not at its best. It was well to admit that, + just as they admitted the faults of those they loved best. + + Had any one of them failed to rally round the flag? Had they kept + anything back in this great war? She hoped not. The war had tested + us more than anything else, and we had responded greatly to it; and + the young manhood had come out in a way that was remarkable. We + knew very well that when the war was begun we were quite unprepared + for it; but she would tell them this, that our army, although + small, was the finest army that ever took the field. (Applause.) + + Miss Macnaughtan then related a number of interesting incidents, + one of which was, that when a party of wounded Englishmen came to a + station where she was tending the Belgian wounded, every wounded + Belgian gave up his bed to accommodate an English soldier. The idea + of a German occupation of English soil, she said, was the idea of a + catastrophe that was unspeakable. People read things in the papers + and thought they were exaggerated, but she had seen them, and she + would show photographs of ruined Belgium which would convince them + of what the Germans were now doing in the name of God. However + unprepared we were for war, the wounded had been well cared for, + and she thought there never was a war in which the care of the + wounded had been so well managed or so efficient. (Applause.) They + had to be thankful that there had been no terrible epidemic, and + she could not speak too highly of the work of the nurses and + doctors in the performance of their duties. This was the time for + every man to do his duty, and strain every nerve and muscle to + bring the war to an end and get the boys home again. (Applause.) + +[Page Heading: SIR FRANCIS YOUNGHUSBAND, K.C.I.E.] + + Sir Francis Younghusband, K.C.I.E., spoke of Miss Macnaughtan as a + very old friend, whom he had met in many parts of the Empire. In + this crisis she might well have stayed at home in her comfortable + residence in London, but she had sacrificed her own personal + comforts in order to assist others. They must realise that this war + was something much more than a war of defence of their homes. It + was a fight on behalf of the whole of humanity. A staggering blow + had been dealt by our relentless enemy at Belgium, which had been + knocked down and trampled upon, and Germany had also dealt blow + after blow at humanity by the use of poison-gas, the bombardment of + seaside towns, and bombs thrown on defenceless places by Zeppelins. + She had thrust aside all those rights of humanity which we had + cherished as a nation as most dear to our hearts. What we were now + fighting for was right, and he would put to them a resolution that + we would fight for right till right had won. In response to an + appeal for the endorsement of his sentiments the audience stood en + masse, and with upraised hands shouted "Aye." It was a stirring + moment, and must have been gratifying to the authoress, who has + devoted so much of her time and energy to the comfort of the + wounded soldiers. + + The Lord Mayor then proposed a vote of thanks to Miss Macnaughtan + for her address, and this was carried by acclamation. + + Miss Macnaughtan briefly responded, and then proceeded to + illustrate many of the scenes she had witnessed by lantern-slides, + showing the results of bombardments and the ruin of some of the + fairest domains of Belgium and France. + + The provision of stewards was arranged by the Cardiff Chamber of + Trade, under the direction of the President (Mr. G. Clarry). During + the evening the band of the 3rd Welch Regiment, under the + conductorship of Bandmaster K. S. Glover, gave selections. + +[Page Heading: POISON-GAS] + + A statement having been made that Miss Macnaughtan was the first to + discover a remedy for the poison-gas used by the Germans, a + _Western Mail_ reporter interviewed the lady before the lecture on + her experiences in this direction. She replied, that when the first + batch of men came in from the trenches suffering from the effects + of the gas, the first thing they asked was for something to drink, + to take the horrible taste out of their mouths. She obtained a + couple of bottles of whisky from the barge of an American lady, and + some distilled water, and gave this to the soldiers, who appeared + to be greatly relieved. Whenever possible, she had adopted the same + course, but she was unaware that the remedy had been applied by the + military authorities. Even this method of relieving their + sufferings, however, was rejected by a large number of young + soldiers, on the ground that they were teetotallers, but the + Belgian doctors had permitted its use amongst their men. + + * * * * * + + SHOULD THE GERMANS COME. + + FORETASTE OF HORRORS FURNISHED BY BELGIUM. + + During the dinner-hour Miss Macnaughtan gave an address to workmen + at the Bute Docks. An improvised platform was arranged at the back + of the Seamen's Institute, and some hundreds of men gathered to + hear the story that Miss Macnaughtan had to give of the war. + Colonel C. S. Denniss presided, and amongst those present were + Messrs. T. Vivian Rees, John Andrews, W. Cocks, A. Hope, S. Fisher, + and Robinson Smith. + + Colonel Denniss, in a few introductory remarks, referred to Miss + Macnaughtan's reputation as a writer, and stated that since the + outbreak of war she had devoted herself to the noble work of + helping the wounded soldiers in Belgium and France. She had come + to Cardiff to tell the working-men what she had seen, with the + object, if possible, of stimulating them to help forward the great + cause we were fighting for. + + Miss Macnaughtan said she had been speaking in many parts of the + country, but she was especially proud to address a meeting of Welsh + working-men. Besides coming of a long line of Welsh ancestors, her + brother-in-law, Colonel Young, was in command of the 9th Welch + Battalion at the front, and she had also four nephews serving in + the Welch Regiment. Only the day before Colonel Young had written + to her: "The Welshman is the most intensely patriotic man that I + know, and it is always the same thing, 'Stick it, Welch.' His + patriotism is splendid, and I do not want to fight with a better + man." Miss Macnaughtan then explained that she was not asking for + funds, and was not speaking for employers or owners. She simply + wished to tell them her experiences of the war as she had seen it, + and to describe the heroism which was going on at the front. If + they looked at the war from the point of view of men going out to + kill each other they had a wrong conception of what was going on. + She had been asked to speak of the conditions which might prevail + should the Germans reach this country. She did not feel competent + to speak on that subject, as the whole idea of Germans in this + country seemed absolutely inconceivable. If the Germans were to + land on our shores all the waters which surrounded this isle would + not wash the land clean. She knew what the Germans were, and had + seen the wreck they had made of Belgium and part of France. She + knew what the women and children had suffered, and how the churches + had been desecrated and demolished. It was said that this was a war + of humanity, but she believed it was a war of right against wrong; + and if she were asked when the war would finish, she could only say + that we would fight it right on to the end until we were + victorious. + + The Germans were beaten already, and had been beaten from the day + they gave up their honour. She spoke of the heroism of the troops, + and stated that since September last she had been running a + soup-kitchen for the wounded. In this humble vocation she had had + an opportunity of gauging the spirit of the soldiers. She had seen + them sick, wounded, and dying, but had never known them give in. + Why should humble villages in France without soldiers in them be + shelled? That was Germany, and that was what they saw. The thing + was almost inconceivable, but she had seen helpless women and + children brought to the hospitals, maimed and wounded by the cruel + German shells. After this war England was going to be a better + country than before. Up to now there had been a national + selfishness which was growing very strong, and there was a terrible + love of money, which, after all, was of very little account unless + it was used in the proper direction. She could tell them stories of + Belgians who had had to fire upon their own women and children who + were being marched in front of German troops. The power of Germany + had to be crushed. The spirit of England and Wales was one in this + great war, and they would not falter until they had emerged + triumphant. (Applause.) + +[Page Heading: A CLARION CALL] + + Mr. Robinson Smith said the clarion call had been sounded, and they + were prepared, if necessary, to give their last shilling, their + last drop of blood, and their very selves, body, soul, and spirit, + to fight for right till right had won. (Applause.) + + Cheers were given for the distinguished authoress, and the + proceedings terminated. + + * * * * * + +After Cardiff (and a most cordial send-off from my committee) I came +back to London, and lectured at Eton, at the Polytechnic, and various +other places, while all the time I was preparing to go to Russia, and I +was also writing. + +In the year that has passed my time has been fully occupied. To begin +with, when the war broke out I studied district-nursing in Walworth for +a month. I attended committees, and arranged to go to Belgium, got my +kit, and had a good deal of business to arrange in the way of +house-letting, etc., etc. Afterwards, I went to Antwerp, till the siege +and the bombardment; then followed the flight to Ostend; after that a +further flight to Furnes. Then came the winter of my work, day and night +at the soup-kitchen for the wounded, a few days at home in January, then +back again and to work at Adinkerke till June, when I came home to +lecture. + +During the year I have brought out four books, I have given thirty-five +lectures, and written both stories and articles. I have gone from town +to town in England, Scotland, and Wales, and I have had a good deal of +anxiety and much business at home. I have paid a few visits, but not +restful ones, and I have written all my own correspondence, as I have +not had a secretary. I have collected funds for my work, and sent off +scores of begging letters. Often I have begun work at 5.30 a.m., and I +have not rested all day. As I am not very young this seems to me a +pretty strenuous time! + +[Page Heading: THE DEATH OF YOUTH] + +Now I have let my house again, and am off "into the unknown" in Russia! +I shouldn't really mind a few days' rest before we begin any definite +work. Behind everyone I suppose at this time lurks the horror of war, +the deadly fear for one's dearest; and, above all, one feels--at least I +do--that one is always, and quite palpably, in the shadow of the death +of youth--beautiful youth, happy and healthy and free. Always I seem to +see the white faces of boys turned up to the sky, and I hear their cries +and see the agony which joyous youth was never meant to bear. They are +too young for it, far too young; but they lie out on the field between +the trenches, and bite the mud in their frenzy of pain; and they call +for their mothers, and no one comes, and they call to their friends, but +no one hears. There is a roar of battle and of bursting shells, and who +can listen to a boy's groans and his shrieks of pain? This is war. + +A nation or a people want more sea-board or more trade, so they begin to +kill youth, and to torture and to burn, and God himself may ask, "Where +is my beautiful flock?" No one answers. It is war. We must expect a +"list of casualties." "The Germans have lost more than we have done;" +"We must go on, even if the war lasts ten years;" "A million more men +are needed"--thus the fools called men talk! But Youth looks up with +haggard eyes, and Youth, grown old, learns that Death alone is merciful. + +One sees even in soldiers' jokes that the thought of death is not far +off. I said to one man, "You have had a narrow squeak," and he replied, +"I don't mind if I get there first so long as I can stoke up for those +Germans." Another, clasping the hand of his dead Captain, said, "Put +plenty of sandbags round heaven, sir, and don't let a German through." + +The other day, when the forward movement was made in France and Belgium, +Charles's Regiment, the 9th Welch, was told to attack at a certain +point, which could only be reached across an open space raked by +machine-gun fire. They were not given the order to move for twelve days, +during which time the men hardly slept. When the charge had to be made +the roar of guns made speaking quite impossible, so directions were +given by sending up rockets. When the rockets appeared, not a single man +delayed an instant in making the attack. One young officer, in the +trench where Charles was, had a football, and this he flung over the +parapet, and shouting, "Come on, boys!" he and the men of the regiment +played football in the open and in front of the guns. Right across the +gun-raked level they kicked the ball, and when they reached the enemy's +lines only a few of them were left. + +Charles wrote, "I am too old to see boys killed." + +Colonel Walton, with a handful of his regiment, was the only officer to +get through the three lines of the enemy's trenches, and he and his men +dug themselves in. Just in front of them where they paused, he saw a +fine young officer come along the road on a motor bicycle, carrying +despatches. The next minute a high-explosive shell burst, and, to use +his own words, "There was not enough of the young officer to put on a +threepenny bit." Always men tell me there is nothing left to bury. One +minute there is a splendid piece of upstanding, vigorous manhood, and +the next there is no finding one piece of him to lay in the sod. + +[Page Heading: A LESSON FOR TURKS] + +The Turks seem to have forsaken their first horrible and devilish +cruelties towards English prisoners. They have been taught a lesson by +the Australians, who took some prisoners up to the top of a ridge and +rolled them down into the Turks' trenches like balls, firing on them as +they rolled. Horrible! but after that Turkish cruelties ceased. + +Our own men see red since the Canadians were crucified, and I fancy no +prisoners were taken for a long time after. We "censor" this or that in +the newspapers, but nothing will censor men's tongues, and there is a +terrible and awful tale of suffering and death and savagery going on +now. Like a ghastly dream we hear of trenches taken, and the cries of +men go up, "Mercy, comrade, mercy!" Sometimes they plead, poor caught +and trapped and pitiful human beings, that they have wives and children +who love them. The slaughter goes on, the bayonet rends open the poor +body that someone loved, then comes the internal gush of blood, and +another carcase is flung into the burying trench, with some lime on the +top of it to prevent a smell of rotting flesh. + +My God, what does it all mean? Are men so mad? And why are they killing +all our best and bravest? Our first army is gone, and surely such a +company never before took the field! Outmatched by twenty to one, they +stuck it at Mons and on the Aisne, and saved Paris by a miracle. All my +old friends fell then--men near my own age, whom I have known in many +climes--Eustace Crawley, Victor Brooke, the Goughs, and other splendid +men. Now the sons of my friends are falling fast--Duncan Sim's boy, +young Wilson, Neville Strutt, and scores of others. I know one case in +which four brothers have fallen; another, where twins of nineteen died +side by side; and this one has his eyes blown out, and that one has his +leg torn off, and another goes mad; and boys, creeping back to the base +holding an arm on, or bewildered by a bullet through the brain, wander +out of their way till a piece of shrapnel or torn edge of shell finds +them, and they fall again, with their poor boyish faces buried in the +mud! + +Mr. ---- dined with us last night. He had been talking of his brother +who was killed, and he said: "I think it makes a difference if you +belong to a family which has always given its lives to the country. We +are accustomed to make these sacrifices." + +Thus bravely in the light of day, but when evening came and we sat +together, then we knew just what the life of the boy had cost him. They +tell us--these defrauded broken-hearted ones--just how tall the lad was, +and how good to look at! That seems to me so sad--as if one reckoned +one's love by inches! And yet it is the beauty of youth that I mourn +also, and its horribly lonely death. + +"They never got him further than the dressing-station," Mr. ---- said; +"but--he would always put up a fight, you know--he lived for four days. +No, there was never any hope. Half the back of his head was shattered. +But he put up a fight. My brother would always do that." + + + + +PART III + +RUSSIA AND THE PERSIAN FRONT + + + + +CHAPTER I + +PETROGRAD + + +Mrs. Wynne, Mr. Bevan, and I left London for Russia on October 16, 1915. +We are attached provisionally to the Anglo-Russian hospital, with a +stipulation that we are at liberty to proceed to the front with our +ambulances as soon as we can get permission to do so. We understand that +the Russian wounded are suffering terribly, and getting no doctors, +nurses, or field ambulances. We crossed from Newcastle to Christiania in +a Norwegian boat, the _Bessheim_. It was supposed that in this ship +there was less chance of being stopped, torpedoed, or otherwise +inconvenienced. + +We reached Christiania after a wonderfully calm crossing, and went to +the Grand Hotel at 1 a.m. No rooms to be had, so we went on to the +Victoria--a good old house, not fashionable, but with a nice air about +it, and some solid comforts. We left on Wednesday, the 20th, at 7 a.m. +This was something of a feat, as we have twenty-four boxes with us. I +only claim four, and feel as if I might have brought more, but everyone +has a different way of travelling, and luggage is often objected to. + +Indeed, I think this matter of travelling is one of the most curious in +the world. I cannot understand why it is that to get into a train or a +boat causes men and women to leave off restraint and to act in a +primitive way. Why should the companionship of the open road be the +supreme test of friendship? and why should one feel a certain fear of +getting to know people too well on a journey? The last friends I +travelled with were very careful indeed, and we used to reckon up +accounts and divide the price of a bottle of "vin ordinaire" equally. My +friends to-day seem inclined to do themselves very well, and to scatter +largesse everywhere. + +[Page Heading: STOCKHOLM] + +_Stockholm. 21 October._--After a long day in the train we reached +Stockholm yesterday evening, and went to the usual "Grand Hotel." This +time it is very "grand," and very expensive. Mr. Bevan has a terrible +pink boudoir-bedroom, which costs L3 per night, and I have a small room +on the fourth floor, which costs 17s. 6d. without a bath. There is +rather a nice court in the middle of the house, with flowers and a band +and tables for dinner, but the sight of everyone "doing himself well" +always makes me feel a little sick. The wines and liqueurs, and the big +cigars at two shillings each, and the look of repletion on men's faces +as they listen to the band after being fed, somewhat disgust me. + +One's instinct is to dislike luxury, but in war-time it seems horrible. +We ourselves will probably have to rough it badly soon, so I don't +mind, but it's a side of life that seems to me as beastly as anything I +know. Fortunately, the luxury of an hotel is minimised by the fact that +there are no "necessaries," and one lives in an atmosphere of open +trunks and bags, with things pulled out of them, which counterbalances +crystal electric fittings and marble floors. + +We rested all this morning, lunched out, and in the afternoon went to +have tea with the Crown Prince and Princess of Sweden. They were very +delightful. The British Minister's wife, Lady Isobel Howard, went with +us. The Princess had just finished reading my "Diary of the War," and +was very nice about it. The children, who came in to tea, were the +prettiest little creatures I have ever seen, with curly hair, and faces +like the water-colour pictures of a hundred years ago. The Princess +herself is most attractive, and reminds one of the pictures of Queen +Victoria as a young woman. Her sensitive face is full of expression, and +her colour comes and goes as she speaks of things that move her. + +This afternoon we went to tea at the Legation with the Howards. The +House is charmingly situated on the Lake, with lovely trees all about +it. It isn't quite finished yet, but will be very delightful. + +_22 October._--It is very strange to find oneself in a country where war +is not going on. The absence of guns and Zeppelins, the well-lighted +streets, and the peace of it all, are quite striking. But the country is +pro-German almost to a man! And it has been a narrow squeak to prevent +war. Even now I suppose one wrong move may lead to an outbreak of +hostilities, and the recent German victories may yet bring in other +countries on her side. Bulgaria has been a glaring instance of siding +with the one she considers the winning side (Gott strafe her!), and +Greece is still wondering what to do! Thank God, I belong to a race that +is full of primitive instincts! Poor old England still barges in +whenever there is a fight going on, and gets her head knocked, and goes +on fighting just the same, and never knows that she is heroic, but +blunders on--simple-hearted, stupid, sublime! + +_24 October._--I went to the English church this morning with Mr. +Lancelot Smith, but there was no service as the chaplain had +chicken-pox! So I came home and packed, and then lunched with Mr. Eric +Hambro, Mr. Lancelot Smith, and Mr. ----, all rather interesting men at +this crisis, when four nations at least are undecided what to do in the +matter of the war. + +About 6 o'clock we and our boxes got away from Stockholm. Our expenses +for the few days we spent there were L60, although we had very few meals +in the hotel. We had a long journey to Haparanda, where we stopped for a +day. The cold was terrible and we spent the day (my birthday) on a sort +of luggage barge on the river. On my last birthday we were bolting from +Furnes in front of the Germans, and the birthday before that I was on +the top of the Rocky Mountains. + +Talking of the Rockies reminds me (did I need reminding) of Elsie +Northcote, my dear friend, who married and went to live there. The +other night some friends of mine gave me a little "send-off" before I +left London--dinner and the Palace Theatre, where I felt like a ghost +returned to earth. All the old lot were there as of yore--Viola Tree, +Lady Diana Manners, Harry Lindsay, the Raymond Asquiths, etc., etc. I +saw them all from quite far away. Lord Stanmore was in the box with us, +and he it was who told me of Elsie Northcote's sudden death. It wasn't +the right place to hear about it. Too many are gone or are going. My own +losses are almost stupefying; and something dead within myself looks +with sightless eyes on death; with groping hands I touch it sometimes, +and then I know that I am dead also. + +[Page Heading: LOVE AND PAIN] + +There is only one thing that one can never renounce, and that is love. +Love is part of one, and can't be given up. Love can't be separated from +one, even by death. It comes once and remains always. It is never +fulfilled; the fulfilment of love is its crucifixion; but it lives on +for ever in a passion-week of pain until pain itself grows dull; and +then one wishes one had been born quite a common little soul, when one +would probably have been very happy. + +_28 October._--We arrived at midnight last night at Petrograd. Ian +Malcolm was at the hotel, and had remained up to welcome us. To-day we +have been unpacking, and settling down into rather comfortable, very +expensive rooms. My little box of a place costs twenty-six shillings a +night. We lunched with two Russian officers and Mr. Ian Malcolm, and +then I went to the British Embassy, where the other two joined me. Sir +George Buchanan, our Ambassador, looks overworked and tired. Lady +Georgina and I got on well together.... + +The day wasn't quite satisfactory, but one must remember that a queer +spirit is evoked in war-time which is very difficult of analysis. +Primarily there is "a right spirit renewed" in every one of us. We want +to be one in the great sacrifice which war involves, and we offer and +present ourselves, our souls and bodies in great causes, only to find +that there is some strange unexplained quality of resistance meeting us +everywhere. + +Mary once said to me in her quaint way, "Your duty is to give to the +Queen's Fund as becomes your position, and to get properly thanked." + +This lady-like behaviour, combined with cheque-writing on a large scale, +is always popular. It can be repeated and again repeated till +cheque-writing becomes automatic. Then from nowhere there springs a +curious class of persons whom one has never heard of before, with skins +of invulnerable thickness and with wonderful self-confidence. They claim +almost occult powers in the matter of "organisation," and they generally +require pity for being overworked. For a time their names are in great +circulation, and afterwards one doesn't hear very much about them. +Florence Nightingale would have had no distinction nowadays. It is +doubtful if she would have been allowed to work. Some quite inept person +in a high position would have effectually prevented it. Most people are +on the offensive against "high-souled work," and prepared to put their +foot down heavily on anything so presumptuous as heroism except of the +orthodox kind, and even the right kind is often not understood. + +There is a story I try to tell, but something gets into my throat, and I +tell it in jerks when I can. + +[Page Heading: FOOTBALL UNDER FIRE] + +It is the story of the men who played football across the open between +the enemy's line of trenches and our own when it was raked by fire. When +I had finished, a friend of mine, evidently waiting for the end of a +pointless story, said, "What did they do that for?" (Oh, ye gods, have +pity on men and women who suffer from fatty degeneration of the soul!) + +Still, in spite of it all, the Voice comes, and has to be obeyed. + +_30 October._--We lunched at the Embassy yesterday to meet the Grand +Duchess Victoria. She is a striking-looking woman, tall and strong, and +she wore a plain dark blue cloth dress and a funny little blue silk cap, +and one splendid string of pearls. At the front she does very fine work, +and we offered our services to her. I have begun to write a little, but +after my crowded life the days feel curiously empty. Lady Heron Maxwell +came to call. + +We were telling each other spy stories the other night. Some of them +were very interesting. The Germans have lately adopted the plan of +writing letters in English to English prisoners of war in Germany. +These, of course, are quite simple, and pass the Censor in England, but, +once on the other side, they go straight to Government officials, and +whereas "Dear Bill" may mean nothing to us, it is part of a German code +and conveys some important information. Mr. Philpotts at Stockholm +discovered this trick. + +On the Russian front a soldier was found with his jaw tied up, +speechless and bleeding. A doctor tried to persuade him to take cover +and get attention; but he shook his head, and signified by actions that +he was unable to speak owing to his damaged jaw. The doctor shoved him +into a dug-out, and said kindly, "Just let me have a look at you." On +stripping the bandages off there was no wound at all, and the German in +Russian uniform was given a cigarette and shot through the head. + +In Flanders we used to see companies of spies led out to be shot--first +a party of soldiers, then the spies, after them the burying-party, and +then the firing-party--marching stolidly to some place of execution. + +How awful shell-fire must be for those who really can't stand it! I +heard of a Colonel the other day--a man who rode to hounds, and seemed +quite a sound sort of fellow--and when the first shell came over, he +leapt from his horse and lay on the ground shrieking with fear, and with +every shell that came over he yelled and screamed. He had to be sent +home, of course. Some people say this sort of thing is purely physical. +That is never my view of the matter. + +[Page Heading: MISS CAVELL] + +Miss Cavell's execution has stirred us all to the bottom of our hearts. +The mean trickiness of her trial, the refusal to let facts be known, and +then the cold-blooded murder of a brave English woman at 2 a.m. on a +Sunday morning in a prison yard! + +It is too awful to think about. She was not even technically a spy, but +had merely assisted some soldiers to get away because she thought they +were going to be shot. A rumour reached the American and Spanish +Legations that she had been condemned and was to be shot at once, and +they instantly rang up on the telephone to know if this was true. They +were informed by the Military Court which had tried and condemned her +that the verdict would not be pronounced till three days later. But the +two Legations, still not satisfied, protested that they must be allowed +to visit the prisoner. This was refused. + +The English chaplain was at last permitted to enter the prison, and he +saw Miss Cavell, and gave her the Sacrament. She said she was happy to +die for her country. They led her out into the prison yard to stand +before a firing-party of soldiers, but on her way there she fainted, and +an officer took out his revolver and shot her through the head. + + * * * * * + +Petrograd! the stage of romance, and the subject of dazzling pictures, +is one of the most commonplace towns I have ever been in. It has its one +big street--the Nevski Prospect--where people walk and shop as they do +in Oxford Street, and it has a few cathedrals and churches, which are +not very wonderful. The roadways are a mass of slush and are seldom +swept; and there are tramways, always crowded and hot, and many rickety +little victorias with damp cushions, in which one goes everywhere. Even +in the evening we go out in these; and the colds in the head which +follow are chronic. + +The English colony seems to me as provincial as the rest of Petrograd. +The town and its people disappoint me greatly. The Hotel Astoria is a +would-be fashionable place, and there is a queer crowd of people +listening to the band and eating, as surely only in Russia they can eat. +It is all wrong in war-time, and I hate being one of the people here. + +N.B.--Write "Miss Wilbraham" as soon as possible, and write it in gusts. +Call one chapter "The Diners," and try to convey the awful solemnity of +meals--the grave young men with their goblets of brandy, in which they +slowly rotate ice, the waiter who hands the bowl where the ice is thrown +when the brandy is cool enough, and then the final gulp, with a nose +inside the large goblet. Shade of Heliogabalus! If the human tummy must +indeed be distended four times in twenty-four hours, need it be done so +solemnly, and with such a pig-like love of the trough? If they would +even eat what there is with joy one wouldn't mind, but the talk about +food, the once-enjoyed food, the favourite food, is really too tiresome. +"Where to dine" becomes a sort of test of true worth. Grave young men +give the names of four or five favoured places in London. Others, hailed +and acknowledged as really good judges, name half-a-dozen more in Paris +where they "do you well." The real toff knows that Russia is the place +to dine. We earnestly discuss blue-point oysters and caviare, which, if +you "know the man," you can get sent fresh on the Vienna Express from +Moscow. + +[Page Heading: BERNARD SHAW] + +I once asked Bernard Shaw to dinner, and he replied on a postcard: +"Never! I decline to sit in a hot room and eat dead animals, even with +you to amuse me!" + +I always seem to be sitting in hot rooms and eating dead animals, and +then paying amazing high prices for them. + +_4 November._--I dined with the ----s the other night. Either the hot +rooms, or the fact that I am anaemic at present, causes me to be so +sleepy in the evenings that I dislike dining out. I sway with sleep even +when people are talking to me. It was a middle-class little party, such +as I often enjoy. One's friends would fain only have one see a few fine +blooms, but I love common flowers. + +We have been to see "Peter's little house." There was a tiny shrine, +crowded with people in wraps and shawls, who crossed themselves +ceaselessly, to the danger of their neighbours' faces, for so fervid +were their gesticulations that their hands flew in every direction! They +shoved with their elbows to get near the wax candles that dripped before +the pictures of the black-faced Virgin and Child, who were "allowing" +soldiers to be painfully slaughtered by the million. + +Ye gods, what a faith! What an acrobatic performance to try and +reconcile a Father's personal care for His poor little sparrows and His +indifference at seeing so many of them stretched bleeding on the ground! + +Religion so far has been a success where martyrs are concerned, but we +must go on with courage to something that teaches men to _live_ for the +best and the highest. This should come from ourselves, and lead up to +God. It should not require teaching, or priests, or even prayer. +Humanity is big enough for this. It should shake off cords and chains +and old Bible stories of carnage and killing, and get to work to find a +new, responsible, clean, sensible, practical scheme of life, in which +each man will have to get away from silly old idols and step out by +himself. + +There is nothing very difficult about it, but we are so beset by bogies, +and so full of fears and fancies that we are half the time either in a +state of funk, or in its antithesis, a state of cheekiness. +Schoolmaster-ridden, we are behaving still like silly children, and our +highest endeavour is (school-boy-like) to resemble our fellows as nearly +as possible. The result is stagnation, crippled forms, wasted energy, +people waiting for years by some healing pool and longing for someone to +dip them in. All the release that Christ preached to men is being +smothered in something worse than Judaism. We love chains, and when they +are removed we either turn and put them on again, or else caper like mad +things because we have cast them off. Freedom is still as distant as the +stars. + +_5 November._--Yesterday we lunched with the English chaplain, Mr. +Lombard. He and I had a great talk walking home on a dark afternoon +through the slush after we had been to call on the Maxwells. I think he +is one of the "exiles" whom one meets all the world over, one of those +who don't transplant well. I am one myself! And Mr. Lombard and I nearly +wept when we found ourselves in a street that recalled the Marylebone +Road. We pretended we were in sight of Euston Station, and talked of +taking a Baker Street bus till our voices grew choky. + +How absurd we islanders are! London is a poky place, but we adore it. +St. James's Street is about the length of a good big ship, yet we don't +feel we have lived till we get back to it! And as for Piccadilly and St. +Paul's, well, we see them in our dreams. + +Our little unit has not found work yet. I was told before I joined it +that it had been accepted by the Russian Red Cross Society. + +[Page Heading: "CHARITY" AND WAR] + +I have been hearing many things out here, and thinking many things. +There is only one way of directing Red Cross work. Everything should +be--and must be in future--put under military authority and used by +military authority. "Charity" and war should be separate. It is absurd +that the Belgians in England should be housed and fed by a Government +grant, and our own soldiers are dependent on private charity for the +very socks they wear and the cigarettes they smoke. Aeroplanes had to be +instituted and prizes offered for them by a newspaper, and ammunition +wasn't provided till a newspaper took up the matter. To be mob-ridden is +bad enough, but to be press-ridden is worse! + +Now, war is a military matter, and should be controlled by military +authorities. Mrs. Wynne, Mr. Bevan, and I should not be out here waiting +for work. We ought to be sent where we are needed, and so ought all Red +Cross people. This would put an end, one hopes, to the horrid business +of getting "soft jobs." + +_7 November._--Whenever I am away from England I rejoice in the passing +of each week that brings me nearer to my return. I had hardly realised +to-day was the 7th, but I am thankful I am one week nearer the grey +little island and all the nice people in it. + +Yesterday I went to Lady Georgina Buchanan's soup-kitchen, and helped to +feed Polish refugees. They strike me as being very like animals, but not +so interesting. In the barracks where they lodge everyone crowds in. +There is no division of the sexes, babies are yelling, and families are +sleeping on wooden boards. The places are heated but not aired, and the +smell is horrid; but they seem to revel in "frowst." All the women are +dandling babies or trying to cook things on little oil-stoves. At +night-time things are awful, I believe, and the British Ambassador has +been asked to protect the girls who are there. + +_8 November._--This afternoon I went to see Mrs. Bray, and then I had an +unexpected pleasure, for I met Johnnie{8} Parsons, who is Naval Attache +to Admiral Phillimore, and we had a long chat. When one is in a strange +land, or with people who know one but little, these encounters are +wonderfully nice. + +The other night I dined with the Heron Maxwells, and had a nice evening +and a game of bridge. Some Americans, called de Velter, were there. I +think most people from the States regret the neutrality of their +country. + +[Page Heading: VISIONS OF PEACE] + +Everyone brings in different stories of the war. Some say Germany is +exhausted and beaten, others say she is flushed with victory, and with +enormous reserves of men, food, and ammunition. I try to believe all the +good I hear, and when even children or fools tell me the war will soon +be over, I want to embrace them--I don't care whether they are talking +nonsense or not. Sometimes I seem to see a great hushed cathedral, and +ourselves returning thanks for Peace and Victory, and the vision is too +much for me. I must either work or be chloroformed till that time comes. + +_9 November._--I think there is only one thing I dislike more than +sitting in an hotel bedroom and learning a new language, and that is +sitting in an hotel bedroom and nursing a cold in my head. Lately I have +been learning Russian--and now I am sniffing. My own fault. I would +sleep with my window open in this unhealthiest of cities, and smells and +marsh produced a feverish cold. + +Out in the square the soldiers drill all the time in the snow, lying in +it, standing in it, and dressed for the most part in cotton clothing. +Wool can't be bought, so a close cotton web is made, with the inside +teased out like flannelette, and this is all they have. The necessaries +of life are being "cornered" right and left, mostly by the commercial +houses and the banks. The other day 163 railway trucks of sugar were +discovered in a siding, where the owners had placed it to wait for a +rise. Meanwhile, sugar has been almost unprocurable. + +Everyone from the front describes the condition of the refugees as being +most wretched. They are camping in the snow by the thousand, and are +still tramping from Poland. + +And here we are in the Astoria Hotel, and there is one pane of glass +between us and the weather; one pane of glass between us and the +peasants of Poland; one pane of glass dividing us from poverty, and +keeping us in the horrid atmosphere of this place, with its evil women +and its squeaky band! How I hate money! + +I hope soon to join a train going to Dvinsk with food and supplies. + +_13 November._--I have felt very brainless since I came here. It is the +result, I believe, of the Petrograd climate. Nearly everyone feels it. I +had a little book in my head which I thought I could "dash off," and +that writing it would fill up these waiting days, but I can't write a +word. + +The war news is not good, but the more territory that Germany takes, the +more the British rub their hands and cry victory. Their courage and +optimism are wonderful. + +To-day I spent with the Maxwells, and met a nurse, newly returned from +Galicia, who had interesting tales to tell. One about some Russian +airmen touched me. There had been a fierce fight overhead, when suddenly +the German aeroplane began to wheel round and round like a leaf, when it +was found that the machine was on fire. One of the airmen had been shot +and the other burnt to death. The Russians refused to come and look at +the remains even of the aeroplane, and said sadly, "All we men of the +air are brothers." They gave the dead Germans a military funeral, and +then sailed over the enemy's lines to drop a note to say that all +honour had been done to the brave dead. + +[Page Heading: BULGARIA] + +I met Monsieur Jecquier, who was full of the political situation--said +Bulgaria would have joined us any day if we had promised to give her +Bukowina; and blamed Bark, the Russian Finance Minister, for the terms +of England's loan (the loan is for thirty millions, and repayment is +promised in a year, which is manifestly impossible, and the situation +may be strained). He said also that Motono, the Japanese Ambassador, is +far the finest politician here; and he told me that while Russia ought +to have been protecting the road to Constantinople she was quarrelling +about what its new name was to be, and had decided to call it +"Czareska." Now, I suppose, the Germans are already there. Lloyds has +been giving L100 at a premium of L5 that King Ferdinand won't be on his +throne next June. The premium has gone to L10, which is good news. If +Ferdie is assassinated the world will be rid of an evil fellow who has +played a mean and degraded part in this war. + +We dined at the British Embassy last night. I was taken in to dinner by +Mr. George Lloyd, who was full of interesting news. I had a nice chat +with Lady Georgina. + +_20 November._--It has been rather a "hang-on" ever since I wrote last, +nothing settled and nothing to do. No one ever seems at their best in +Petrograd. It is a cross place and a common place. I never understood +Tolstoi till I came here. On all sides one sees the same insane love of +money and love of food. + +A restaurant here disgusts me as nothing else ever did. From a menu a +foot long no one seems able to choose a meal, but something fresh must +be ordered. The prices are quite silly, and, oddly enough, people seem +to revel in them. They still eat caviare at ten shillings a head; the +larger the bill the better they are pleased. + +Joseph, the Napoleon of the restaurant, keeps an eye on everyone. He is +yellow, and pigeon-breasted, but his voice is like grease, and he speaks +caressingly of food, pencils entries in his pocket-book, and stimulates +jaded appetites by signalling the "voiture aux hors d'oeuvres" to +approach. The rooms are far too hot for anyone to feel hungry, the band +plays, and the leader of it grins all the time, and capers about on his +little platform like a monkey on an organ. + +Always in this life of restaurants and gilt and roubles I am reminded of +the fact that the only authentic picture we have of hell is of a man +there who all his life had eaten good dinners. + +[Page Heading: STAGNATION] + +I have been busy seeing all manner of people in order to try and get +work to do. I hear of suffering, but I am never able to locate it or to +do anything for it. No distinct information is forthcoming; and when I +go to one high official he gives me his card and sends me to another. +Nothing is even decided about Mrs. Wynne's cars, although she is +offering a gift worth some thousands of pounds. I go to Lady Georgina's +work-party on Mondays and meet the English colony, and on Wednesdays and +Saturdays I distribute soup; but it is an unsatisfactory business, and +the days go by and one gets nothing done. One isn't even storing up +health, because this is rather an unhealthy place, so altogether we are +feeling a bit low. I can never again be surprised at Russian "laissez +faire," or want of push and energy. It is all the result of the place +itself. I feel in a dream, and wish with all my heart I could wake up in +my own bed. + +_21 November._--Sunday, and I have slept late. At home I begin work at 6 +a.m. Here, like everyone else, I only wake up at night, and the "best +hours of the day," as we call them, are wasted, a la Watts' hymn, in +slumber. If it was possible one would organise one's time a bit, but +hotel life is the very mischief for that sort of thing. There are no +facilities for anything. One must telephone in Russian or spend roubles +on messengers if one wants to get into touch with anyone. I took a taxi +out to lunch one day. It cost 16 roubles--_i.e._, 32s. + +Dear old Lord Radstock used to say in the spring, "The Lord is calling +me to Italy," and a testy parson once remarked, "The Lord always calls +you at very convenient times, Radstock." I don't feel as if the Lord had +called me here at a very convenient time. + +I called on Princess Helene Scherbatoff yesterday, and found her and her +people at home. The mother runs a hospital-train for the wounded in the +intervals of hunting wolves. Her son has been dead for some months, and +she says she hasn't had time to bury him yet! One assumes he is +embalmed! Yet I can't help saying they were charming people to meet, so +we must suppose they are somewhat cracked. The daughter is lovely, and +they were all in deep mourning for the unburied relative. + +_24 November._--This long wait is trying us a bit high. There is +literally nothing to do. We arrange pathetic little programmes for +ourselves. To-day I shall lunch with Mr. Cunard, and see the lace he has +bought: yesterday I did some shopping with Captain Smith: one day I sew +at Lady Georgina's work-party. + +Heavens, what a life! I realise that for years I have not drawn rein, +and I am sure I don't require holidays. Moses was a wise man, and he +knew that one day in seven is rest enough for most humans. I always +"keep the Sabbath," and it is all the rest I want. Even here I might +write and get on with something, but there is something paralysing about +the place, and my brain won't work. I can't even write a diary! Everyone +is depressed and everyone longs to be out of Petrograd. To-day we hear +that the Swedes have closed the Haparanda line, and Archangel is frozen, +so here we are. + +Now I have got to work at the hospital. There are 25,000 amputation +cases in Petrograd. The men at my hospital are mostly convalescent, but, +of course, their wounds require dressing. This is never done in their +beds, as the English plan is, but each man is carried in turn to the +"salle des pansements," and is laid on an operating-table and has his +fresh dressings put on, and is then carried back to bed again. It is a +good plan, I think. The hospital keeps me busy all the morning. Once +more I begin to see severed limbs and gashed flesh, and the old +question arises, "Why, what evil hath he done?" This war is the +crucifixion of the youth of the world. + +[Page Heading: "SPEAKING ONE'S MIND"] + +In a way I am learning something here. For instance, I have always +disliked "explanations" and "speaking one's mind," etc., etc., more than +I can say. I dare say I have chosen the path of least resistance in +these matters. Here one must speak out sometimes, and speak firmly. It +isn't all "being pleasant." One girl has been consistently rude to me. +To-day, poor soul, I gave her a second sermon on our way back from +church; but, indeed she has numerous opportunities in this war, and she +is wasting them all on gossip, and prejudices, and petty jealousies. So +we had a straight talk, and I hope she didn't hate it. At any rate, she +has promised amendment of life. One hears of men that "this war gives +them a chance to distinguish themselves." Women ought to distinguish +themselves, too. + + "Hesper! Venus! were we native to their splendour, or in Mars, + We should see this world we live in, fairest of their evening stars. + Who could dream of wars and tumults, hate and envy, sin and spite, + Roaring London, raving Paris, in that spot of peaceful light? + Might we not, in looking heavenward on a star so silver fair, + Yearn and clasp our hands and murmur, 'Would to God that + we were there!'" + +Always when I see war, and boys with their poor dead faces turned up to +the sky, and their hands so small in death, and when I see wounded men, +and hear of soldiers going out of the trenches with a laugh and a joke +to cut wire entanglements, knowing they will not come back, then I am +ashamed of meanness and petty spite. So my poor young woman got a "fair +dose of it" this morning, and when she had gulped once or twice I think +she felt better. + +Yesterday one saw enough to stir one profoundly, and enough to make +small things seem small indeed! It was a fine day at last, after weeks +of black weather and skies heavy with snow, and although the cold was +intense the sun was shining. I got into one of the horrid little +droshkys, in which one sits on very damp cushions, and an "izvoztchik" +in a heavy coat takes one to the wrong address always! + +The weather has been so thick, the rain and snow so constant, that I had +not yet seen Petrograd. Yesterday, out of the mists appeared golden +spires, and beyond the Neva, all sullen and heavy with ice, I saw towers +and domes which I hadn't seen before. I stamped my feet on the shaky +little carriage and begged the izvoztchik to drive a little quicker. We +had to be at the Finnish station at 10 a.m., and my horse, with a long +tail that embraced the reins every time that the driver urged speed, +seemed incapable of doing more than potter over the frozen roads. I +picked up Mme. Takmakoff, who was taking me to the station, and we went +on together. + +[Page Heading: BLIND] + +At the station there was a long wooden building and, outside, a +platform, all frozen and white, where we waited for the train to come +in. Mme. Sazonoff, a fine well-bred woman, the wife of the Minister for +Foreign Affairs, was there, and "many others," as the press notices say. +The train was late. We went inside the long wooden building to shelter +from the bitter cold beside the hot-water pipes, and as we waited we +heard that the train was coming in. It came slowly and carefully +alongside the platform with its crunching snow, almost with the creeping +movement of a woman who carries something tenderly. Then it stopped. Its +windows were frozen and dark, so that one could see nothing. I heard a +voice behind me say, "The blind are coming first," and from the train +there came groping one by one young men with their eyes shot out. They +felt for the step of the train, and waited bewildered till someone came +to lead them; then, with their sightless eyes looking upwards more than +ours do, they moved stumbling along. Poor fellows, they'll never _see_ +home; but they turned with smiles of delight when the band, in its grey +uniforms and fur caps, began to play the National Anthem. + +These were the first wounded prisoners from Germany, sent home because +they could never fight again--quite useless men, too sorely hurt to +stand once more under raining bullets and hurtling shell-fire--so back +they came, and like dazed creatures they got out of the train, carrying +their little bundles, limping, groping, but home. + +After the blind came those who had lost limbs--one-legged men, men still +in bandages, men hobbling with sticks or with an arm round a comrade's +neck, and then the stretcher cases. There was one man carrying his +crutches like a cross. Others lay twisted sideways. Some never moved +their heads from their pillows. All seemed to me to have about them a +splendid dignity which made the long, battered, suffering company into +some great pageant. I have never seen men so lean as they were. I have +never seen men's cheek-bones seem to cut through the flesh just where +the close-cropped hair on their temples ends. I had never seen such +hollow eyes; but they were Russian soldiers, Russian gentlemen, and they +were home again! + +In the great hall we greeted them with tables laid with food, and spread +with wine and little presents beside each place. They know how to do +this, the princely Russians, so each man got a welcome to make him +proud. The band was there, and the long tables, the hot soup and the +cigarettes. All the men had washed at Torneo, and all of them wore clean +cotton waistcoats. Their hair was cut, too, but their faces hadn't +recovered. One knew they would never be young again. The Germans had +done their work. Semi-starvation and wounds had made old men of these +poor Russian soldiers. All was done that could be done to welcome them +back, but no one could take it in for a time. A sister in black +distributed some little Testaments, each with a cross on it, and the +soldiers kissed the symbol of suffering passionately. + +They filed into their places at the tables, and the stretchers were +placed in a row two deep up the whole length of the room. In the middle +of it stood an altar, covered with silver tinsel, and two priests in +tinsel and gold stood beside it. Upon it was the sacred ikon, and the +everlasting Mother and Child smiled down at the men laid in helplessness +and weakness at their feet. + +A General welcomed the soldiers back; and when they were thanked in the +name of the Emperor for what they had done, the tears coursed down their +thin cheeks. It was too pitiful and touching to be borne. I remember +thinking how quietly and sweetly a sister of mercy went from one group +of soldiers to another, silently giving them handkerchiefs to dry their +tears. We are all mothers now, and our sons are so helpless, so much in +need of us. + +[Page Heading: WOUNDED RUSSIANS] + +Down the middle of the room were low tables for the men who lay down all +the time. They saluted the ikon, as all the soldiers did, and some +service began which I was unable to follow. I can't tell what the +soldiers said, or of what they were thinking. About their comrades they +said to Mme. Takmakoff that 25,000 of them had died in two days from +neglect. We shall never hear the worst perhaps. + +There were three officers at a table. One of them was shot through the +throat, and was bandaged. I saw him put all his food on one side, unable +to swallow it. Then a high official came and sat down and drank his +health. The officer raised his glass gallantly, and put his lips to the +wine, but his throat was shot through, he made a face of agony, bowed to +the great man opposite, and put down his glass. + +Some surgeons in white began to go about, taking names and particulars +of the men's condition. Everyone was kind to the returned soldiers, but +they had borne too much. Some day they will smile perhaps, but yesterday +they were silent men returned from the dead, and not yet certain that +their feet touched Russia again. + + + + +CHAPTER II + +WAITING FOR WORK + + +We paid our heavy bills and left Petrograd on Monday, the 29th November. +Great fuss at the station, as our luggage and the guide had disappeared +together. A comfortable, slow journey, and Colonel Malcolm met us at +Moscow station and took us to the Hotel de Luxe--a shocking bad pub, but +the only one where we could get rooms. We went out to lunch, and I had a +plate of soup, two faens (little wheat cakes), and the fifth part of a +bottle of Graves. This modest repast cost sixteen shillings per head. We +turned out of the Luxe Hotel the following day, and came to the +National, where four hundred people were waiting to get in. But our +guide Grundy had influence, and managed to get us rooms. It is quite +comfortable. + +None of us was sorry to leave Petrograd, and that is putting the case +mildly. People there are very depressed, and it was a case of "she said" +and "he said" all the time. Everyone was trying to snuff everyone else +out. "I don't know them"--and the lips pursed up finished many a +reputation, and I heard more about money and position than I ever heard +in my life before. "Bunty" and I used to say that the world was +inhabited by "nice people and very nice people," and once she added a +third class, "fearfully nice people." That is a world one used to +inhabit. I suppose one must make the best of this one! + +[Page Heading: MOSCOW] + +_Moscow. 2 December._--Hilda Wynne was rather feverish to-day, and lay +in bed, so I had a solitary walk about the Kremlin, and saw a fine view +from its splendid position. But, somehow, I am getting tired of +solitude. I suppose the war gives us the feeling that we must hold +together, and yet I have never been more alone than during this last +eighteen months. + + * * * * * + +_To Miss Macnaughtan's Sisters._ + +CREDIT LYONNAIS, MOSCOW, +_3 December._ + +MY DEARS, + +I have just heard that there is a man going up to Petrograd to-night who +will put our letters in the Embassy bag, so there is some hope of this +reaching you. It is really my Christmas letter to you all, so may it be +passed round, please, although there won't be much in it. + +We are now at Moscow, _en route_ for the Caucasus _via_ Tiflis, and our +base will probably be Julfa. We have been chosen to go there by the +Grand Duchess Cyril, but the reports about the roads are so conflicting +that we are going to see for ourselves. When we get there it will be +difficult to send letters home, but the banks will always be in +communication with each other, so I shall get all you send to Credit +Lyonnais, Petrograd. + +So far we have been waiting for our cars all this time. They had to +come by Archangel, and they left long before we did, but they have not +arrived yet. There are six ambulance cars, on board three different +ships (for safety), and no news of any of them yet. + +Now, at least, _we_ have got a move on, and, barring accidents, we shall +be in Tiflis next week. It's rather a fearsome journey, as the train +only takes us to the foot of the mountains in four days, and then we +must ride or drive across the passes, which they say are too cold for +anything. You must imagine us like Napoleon in the "Retreat from Moscow" +picture. + +Petrograd is a singularly unpleasant town, where the sun never shines, +and it rains or snows every day. The river is full of ice, but it looks +sullen and sad in the perpetual mist. There are a good many English +people there; but one is supposed to know the Russians, which means +speaking French all the time. Moscow is a far superior place, and is +really most interesting and beautiful, and very Eastern, while Petrograd +might be Liverpool. I filled up my time there in the hospital and +soup-kitchen. + +The price of everything gets worse, I do believe! Even a glass of +filtered water costs one shilling and threepence! I have just left an +hotel for which my bill was L3 for one night, and I was sick nearly all +the time! + +[Page Heading: "WHEN WILL THE WAR END?"] + +Now, my dears, I wish you all the best Christmas you can have this year. +I am just longing for news of you, but I never knew such a cut-off place +as this for letters. Tell me about every one of the family. Write +lengthy letters. When do people say the war will end? + +Your loving +SARAH BROOM. + + * * * * * + +_Tiflis. 12 December._--It is evening, and I have only just remembered +it is Sunday, a thing I can't recollect ever having happened before. I +have been ill in my room all day, which no doubt accounts for it. + +We stayed at Moscow for a few days, and my recollection of it is of a +great deal of snow and frequent shopping expeditions in cold little +sleighs. I liked the place, and it was infinitely preferable to +Petrograd. Mr. Cazalet took us to the theatre one night, and there was +rather a good ballet. These poor dancers! They, like others, have lost +their nearest and dearest in the war, but they still have to dance. Of +course they call themselves "The Allies," and one saw rather a stale +ballet-girl in very sketchy clothes dancing with a red, yellow, and +black flag draped across her. Poor Belgium! It was such a travesty of +her sufferings. + +Mr. Cazalet came to see us off at the station, and we began our long +journey to Tiflis, but we changed our minds, and took the local train +from ---- to Vladikavkas, where we stayed one night rather enjoyably at +a smelly hotel, and the following day we got a motor-car and started at +7 a.m. for the pass. The drive did us all good. The great snow peaks +were so unlike Petrograd and gossip! I had been rather ill on the train, +and I got worse at the hotel and during the drive, so I was quite a +poor Sarah when I reached Tiflis. Still, the scenery had been lovely +all the time, and we had funny little meals at rest houses. + +When we got to Tiflis I went on being seedy for a while. I finished +Stephen Graham's book on Russia which he gave me before I left home. It +is charmingly written. The line he chooses is mine also, but his is a +more important book than mine. + +_Batoum. 22 December._--We have had a really delightful time since I +last wrote up the old diary! (A dull book so far.) We saw a good many +important people at Tiflis--Gorlebeff, the head of the Russian Red +Cross, Prince Orloff, Prince Galitzin (a charming man), General Bernoff, +etc., etc. + +Mrs. Wynne's and Mr. Bevan's cars are definitely accepted for the Tehran +district. My own plans are not yet settled, but I hope they may be soon. +People seem to think I look so delicate that they are a little bit +afraid of giving me hard work, and yet I suppose there are not many +women who get through more work than I do; but I believe I am looking +rather a poor specimen, and my hair has fallen out. I think I am rather +like those pictures on the covers of "appeals"--pictures of small +children, underneath which is written, "This is Johnny Smith, or Eliza +Jones, who was found in a cellar by one of our officers; +weight--age--etc., etc." + +If I could have a small hospital north of Tehran it would be a good +centre for the wounded, and it would also be a good place for the others +to come to. Mr. Hills and Dr. Gordon (American missionaries) seem to +think they would like me to join them in their work for the Armenians. +These unfortunate people have been nearly exterminated by massacres, and +it has been officially stated that 75 per cent. of the whole race has +been put to the sword. This sounds awful enough, but when we consider +that there is no refinement of torture that has not been practised upon +them, then something within one gets up and shouts for revenge. + +The photographs which General Bernoff has are proof of the devildom of +the Turks, only that the devil could not have been so beastly, and a +beast could not have been so devilish. The Kaiser has convinced the +Turks that he is now converted from Christianity to Mahomedanism. In +every mosque he is prayed for under the title of "Hajed Mahomet +Wilhelm," and photographs of burned and ruined cathedrals in France and +Belgium are displayed to prove that he is now anti-Christian. Heaven +knows it doesn't want much proving! + +[Page Heading: RASPUTIN] + +There are rumours of peace offers from Germany, but we must go on +fighting now, if only for the sake of the soldiers, who will be the ones +to suffer, but who _can't_ be asked to give in. The Russians are +terribly out of spirits, and very depressed about the war. The German +influence at Court scares them, and there is, besides, the mysterious +Rasputin to contend with! This extraordinary man seems to exercise a +malign influence over everyone, and people are powerless to resist him. +Nothing seems too strange or too mad to recount of this man and his +dupes. He is by birth a moujik, or peasant, and is illiterate, a +drunkard, and an immoral wretch. Yet there is hardly a great lady at +Court who has not come under his influence, and he is supposed by this +set of persons to be a reincarnation of Christ. Rasputin's figure is one +of those mysterious ones round which every sort of rumour gathers. + +We left Tiflis on Friday, 17th December, and had rather a panic at the +station, as our passports had been left at the hotel, and our tickets +had gone off to Baku. However, the unpunctuality of the train helped us, +and we got off all right, an hour late. The train was about a thousand +years old, and went at the rate of ten miles an hour, and we could only +get second-class ordinary carriages to sleep in! But morning showed us +such lovely scenery that nothing else mattered. One found oneself in a +semi-tropical country, with soft skies and blue sea, and palms and +flowers, and with tea-gardens on all the hillsides. When will people +discover Caucasia? It is one of the countries of the world. + +We had letters to Count Groholski, a most charming young fellow, who +arranged a delightful journey for us into the mountains, and as we had +brought no riding things we began to search the small shops for +riding-boots and the like. Then, in the evening we dined with Count +Oulieheff, and had an interesting pleasant time. Two Japanese were at +dinner, and, although they couldn't speak any tongue but their own, +Japanese always manage to look interesting. No doubt much of that +depends upon being able to say nothing. + +[Page Heading: GEORGIA] + +Early next day we motored out to the Count's Red Cross camp at ----. +Here everyone was sleeping under tents or in little wooden huts, and we +met some good-mannered, nice soldier men, most of them Poles. The +scenery was grand, and we were actually in the little known and +wonderful old kingdom of Georgia. Very little of it is left.{9} There +are ruins all along the river of castles and fortresses and old +stone bridges now crumbling into decay, but of the country, once so +proud, only one small dirty city remains, and that is Artvin, on the +mountain-side. It was too full of an infectious sort of typhus for us to +go there, but we drove out to the hospital on the opposite side of the +valley, and the doctor in charge there gave us beds for the night. + +On Sunday, December 19th, I wandered about the hillside, found some +well-made trenches, and saw some houses which had been shelled. The +Turks were in possession of Artvin only a year ago, and there was a lot +of fighting in the mountains. It seems to me that the population of the +place is pretty Turkish still; and there are Turkish houses with small +Moorish doorways, and little windows looking out on the glorious view. +In all the mountains round here the shooting is fine, and consists of +toor (goats), leopards, bears, wolves, and on the Persian front, tigers +also. Land can be had for nothing if one is a Russian. + +On Sunday afternoon we drove in a most painful little carriage to a +village which seemed to be inhabited by good-looking cut-throats, but +there was not much to see except the picturesque, smelly, old brown +houses. We met a handsome Cossack carrying a man down to the military +hospital. He was holding him upright, as children carry each other; the +man was moaning with fever, and had been stricken with the virulent +typhus, which nearly always kills. But what did the handsome Cossack +care about infection? He was a mountaineer, and had eyes with a little +flame in them, and a fierce moustache. Perhaps to-morrow he will be +gone. People die like flies in these unhealthy towns, and the Russians +are supremely careless. + +We went back to the hospital for dinner, and then went out into crisp, +beautiful moonlight, and motored back to the Red Cross camp. I had a +little hut to sleep in, which had just been built. It contained a bed +and two chairs, upon one of which was a tin basin! The cold in the +morning was about as sharp as anything I have known, but everyone was +jolly and pleasant, and we had a charming time. + +The Count told us of the old proud Georgians when there was a famine in +the country and a Russian Governor came to offer relief to the starving +inhabitants. Their great men went out to receive him, and said +courteously, "We have not been here, Gracious One, one hundred or two +hundred years, but much more than a thousand years, and during that time +we have not had a visit from the Russian Government. We are pleased to +see you, and the honour you have done us is sufficient in itself--for +the rest we think we will not require anything at your hands." + +On Monday I motored with the others out to the ferry; then I had to +leave them, as they were going to ride forty miles, and that was thought +too much for me. Age has _no_ compensations, and it is not much use +fighting it. One only ends by being "a wonderful old woman of eighty": +reminiscent, perhaps a little obstinate, and in the world to +come--always eighty? + +Came back to Batoum with Count Stanislas Constant, and went for a drive +with him to see the tea-gardens. + + * * * * * + +[Page Heading: TIFLIS] + +Christmas Eve at Tiflis, and here we are with cars still stuck in the +ice thirty miles from Archangel, and ourselves just holding on and +trying not to worry. But what a waste of time! Also, fighting is going +on now in Persia, and we might be a lot of use. We came back from Batoum +in the hottest and slowest train I have ever been in. Still, Georgia +delighted me, and I am glad to have seen it. They have a curious custom +there (the result of generations of fighting). Instead of saying +"Good-morning," they say "Victory"; and the answer is, "May the victory +be yours." The language is Georgian, of course; and then there is +Tartar, and Polish, and Russian, and I can't help thinking that the +Tower of Babel was the poorest joke that was ever played on mankind. +Nothing stops work so completely. + +What will Christmas Day be like at home? I think of all the village +churches, with the holly and evergreens, and in almost every one the +little new brass plates to the memory of beautiful youth, dead and +mangled, and left in the mud to await another trumpet than that which +called it from the trenches. There is nothing like a boy, and all the +life of England and the prayers of mothers have centred round them. +One's older friends died first, and now the boys are falling, and from +every little vicarage, from school-houses and colleges, the endless +stream goes, all with their heads up, fussing over their little bits of +packing, and then away to stand exploding shells and gas and bombs. No +one except those who have seen knows the ghastly tale of human suffering +that this war involves every day. Down here 550,000 Armenians have been +butchered in cold blood. The women are either massacred or driven into +Turkish harems. + +Yesterday we heard some news at last in this most benighted corner of +the world! England has raised four million volunteers. Hurrah! Over one +million men volunteered in one week. French takes command at home and +Haig at the front. + + * * * * * + +_To Mrs. Charles Young._ + +HOTEL ORIENT, TIFLIS, +_26 December._ + +DARLING J., + +It seems almost useless to write letters, or even to wire! Letters +sometimes take forty-nine days to get to England, and telegrams are +_always_ kept a fortnight before being sent. We have had great +difficulty about the ambulance cars, as they all got frozen into the +river at Archangel; however, as you will see from the newspapers, there +isn't a great deal going on yet. + +I do hope you and all the family are safe and sound. I wired to ---- for +her birthday to ask news of you all, and I prepaid the reply, but, of +course, none came, so I am sure she never got the wire. I have wired +twice to ----, but no reply. At last one gives up expecting any. I got +some newspapers nearly a month old to-day, and I have been devouring +them. + +This is rather a curious place, and the climate is quite good; no snow, +and a good deal of pleasant sun, but the hills all round are very bare +and rugged. + +I have had a cough, which I think equals your best efforts in that line. +How it does shake one up! I had some queer travelling when it was at its +worst: for the first night we were given a shakedown in a little +mountain hospital, which was fearfully cold; and the next night I was +put into a newly-built little place, made of planks roughly nailed +together, and with just a bed and a basin in it. + +The cold was wonderful, and since then--as you may imagine--the +Macnaughtan cough has been heard in the land! + +[Page Heading: GRAND DUKE NICHOLAS] + +Yesterday (Christmas Day) we were invited to breakfast with the Grand +Duke Nicholas. A Court function in Russia is the most royal that you can +imagine--no half measures about it! The Grand Duke is an adorably +handsome man, quite extraordinarily and obviously a Grand Duke. He +measures 6 feet 5 inches, and is worshipped by every soldier in the +Army. + +We went first into a huge anteroom, where a lady-in-waiting received us, +and presented us to "Son Altesse Imperiale," and then to the Grand Duke +and to his brother, the Grand Duke Peter. Some scenes seem to move as +in a play. I had a vision of a great polished floor, and many tall men +in Cossack dress, with daggers and swords, most of them different grades +of Princes and Imperial Highnesses. + +A great party of Generals, and ladies, and members of the Household, +then went into a big dining-room, where every imaginable hors d'oeuvre +was laid out on dishes--dozens of different kinds--and we each ate +caviare or something. Afterwards, with a great tramp and clank of spurs +and swords, everyone moved on to a larger dining-room, where there were +a lot of servants, who waited excellently. + +In the middle of the dejeuner the Grand Duke Nicholas got up, and +everyone else did the same, and they toasted us! The Grand Duke made a +speech about our "gallantry," etc., etc., and everyone raised glasses +and bowed to one. Nothing in a play could have been more of a real fine +sort of scene. And certainly S. Macnaughtan in her wildest dreams hadn't +thought of anything so wonderful as being toasted in Russia by the +Imperial Staff. + +It's quite a thing to be tiresome about when one grows old! + +In the evening we tried to be merry, and failed. The Grand Duchess sent +us mistletoe and plum-pudding by the hand of M. Boulderoff. He took us +shopping, but the bazaars are not interesting. + +Good-bye, and bless you, my dear, +Yours as ever, +S. MACNAUGHTAN. + + * * * * * + +_To Miss Julia Keays-Young._ + +HOTEL D'ORIENT, TIFLIS, +CAUCASUS, RUSSIA, +_27 December._ + +DARLING JENNY, + +I can't tell you what a pleasure your letters are. I only wish I could +get some more from anybody, but not a line gets through! I want so much +to hear about Bet and her marriage, and to know if the nephews and +Charles are safe. + +There seems to be the usual winter pause over the greater part of the +war area, but round about here, there are the most awful massacres; +550,000 Armenians have been slaughtered in cold blood by the Turks, and +with cruelties that pass all telling. One is quite impotent. + +I expect to be sent into Persia soon, and meanwhile I hope to join some +American missionaries who are helping the refugees. Our ambulances are +at last out of the ice at Archangel, and will be here in a fortnight; +but we are not to go to Persia for a month. "The Front" is always +altering, and we never have any idea where our work will be wanted. + +[Page Heading: HOMESICK] + +We are still asking when the war will end, but, of course, no one knows. +One gets pretty homesick out here at times, and there was a chance I +might have to go back to England for equipment, but that seems off at +present. + +Your always loving +A. S. + + * * * * * + +_29 December._--I have still got a horrid bad cough, and my big, dull +room is depressing. We are all depressed, I am afraid. Being accustomed +to have plenty to do, this long wait is maddening. + +Whatever Russia may have in store for us in the way of useful work, +nothing can exceed the boredom of our first seven weeks here. We are +just spoiling for work. I believe it is as bad as an illness to feel +like this, and we won't be normal again for some time. Oddly enough, it +does affect one's health, and Hilda Wynne and I are both seedy. We are +always trying to wire for things, but not a word gets through. + +We were summoned to dine at the palace last night. Everyone very +charming. + +_31 December._.--Prince Murat came to dine and play bridge. Count +Groholski turned up for a few days. My doctor vetted me for my cold. +Business done--none. No sailor ever longed for port as I do for home. + + + + +CHAPTER III + +SOME IMPRESSIONS OF TIFLIS AND ARMENIA + + +_Tiflis. 1 January, 1916._--Kind wishes from the Grand Duke and +everybody. Not such an aimless day as usual. I got into a new +sitting-room and put it straight, and in the evening we went to Prince +Orloff's box for a performance of "Carmen." It was very Russian and +wealthy. At the back of the box were two anterooms, where we sat and +talked between the acts, and where tea, chocolates, etc., were served. +They say the Prince has L200,000 a year. He is gigantically fat, with a +real Cossack face. + +Scandal is so rife here that it hardly seems to mean scandal. They don't +appear to be so much immoral as non-moral. Everyone sits up late; then +most of them, I am told, get drunk, and then the evening orgies begin. +No one is ostracised, everyone is called upon and "known" whatever they +have done. I suppose English respectability would simply make them +smile--if, indeed, they believed in it. + +_2 January._--I don't suppose I shall ever write an article on war +charities, but I believe I ought to. A good many facts about them have +come my way, and I consider that the public at home should be told how +the finances are being administered. + +I know of one hospital in Russia which has, I believe, cost England +L100,000. The staff consists of nurses and doctors, dressers, etc., all +fully paid. The expenses of those in charge of it are met out of the +funds. They live in good hotels, and have "entertaining allowances" for +entertaining their friends, and yet one of them herself volunteered the +information that the hospital is not required. The staff arrived weeks +ago, but not the stores. Probably the building won't be opened for some +time to come, and when it is opened there will be difficulty in getting +patients to fill it. + +In many parts of Russia hospitals are _not_ wanted. In Petrograd there +are five hundred of them run by Russians alone. + +Then there is a fund for relief of the Poles, which is administered by +Princess ----. The ambulance-car which the fund possesses is used by the +Princess to take her to the theatre every night. + +A great deal of money has been subscribed for the benefit of the +Armenians. Who knows how much this has cost the givers? yet the +distribution of this large sum seems to be conducted on most haphazard +lines. An open letter arrived the other day for the Mayor of Tiflis. +There is no Mayor of Tiflis, so the letter was brought to Major ----. It +said: "Have you received two cheques already sent? We have had no +acknowledgment." There seems to be no check on the expenditure, and +there is no local organisation for dispensing the relief. I don't say +that it is cheating: I only say as much as I know. + +[Page Heading: ILL-BESTOWED CHARITY] + +A number of motor-ambulances were sent to Russia by some generous people +in England the other day. They were inspected by Royalty before being +despatched, and arrived in the care of Mr. ----. When their engines were +examined it was found that they were tied together with bits of +copper-wire, and even with string. None of them could be made to go, and +they were returned to England. + +We are desperately hard up at home just now, and we are denying +ourselves in order to send these charitable contributions to the richest +country in the world. Gorlebeff himself (head of the Russian Red Cross +Society) has L30,000 a year. Armenians are literally rolling in money, +and it is common to find Armenian ladies buying hats at 250 Rs. (L25) in +Tiflis. The Poles are not ruined, nor do they seem to object to German +rule, which is doing more for them than Russia ever did. Tiflis people +are now sending money for relief to Mesopotamia. Of the 300,000 Rs. sent +by England, 70,000 Rs. have stuck to someone's fingers. + +In Flanders there were many people living in comfort such as they had +probably never seen before, at the expense of the charitable public, and +doing very little indeed all the time: cars to go about in, chauffeurs +at their disposal, petrol without stint, and even their clothes (called +uniforms for the nonce!) paid for. + +And the little half-crowns that come in to run these shows, "how hardly +they are earned sometimes! with what sacrifices they are given!" A man +in Flanders said to me one day: "We could lie down and roll in tobacco, +and we all help ourselves to every blooming thing we want; and here is a +note I found in a poor little parcel of things to-night: 'We are so +sorry not to be able to send more, but money is very scarce this week.'" + +My own cousin brought four cars over to France, and he told me he was +simply an unpaid chauffeur at the command of young officers coming in to +shop at Dunkirk. + +I am thankful to say that Mrs. Wynne and Mr. Bevan and I have paid our +own expenses ever since the war began, and given things too. And I think +a good many of our own corps in Flanders used to contribute liberally +and pay for all they had. People here tell us that their cars have all +been commandeered, and they are used for the wives of Generals, who +never had entered one before, and who proudly do their shopping in them. + +War must be a military matter, and these things must end, unless money +is to find its way into the possession of the vultures who are always at +hand when there is any carcase about. + +_5 January._--Absolutely nothing to write about. I saw Gorlebeff, +Domerchekoff, and Count Tysczkievcz{10} of the Croix Rouge about my +plans. They suggest my going to Urumiyah in Persia, where workers seem +to be needed. The only other opening seems to be to go to Count +Groholski's new little hospital on the top of the mountains. Mr. Hills, +the American missionary, wants me first to go with him to see the +Armenian refugees at Erivan, but we can't get transports for his gifts +of clothing for them. + +[Page Heading: A PRESENTIMENT] + +Before I left England I had a very strange, almost an overwhelming +presentiment that I had better not come to Russia. I had by that time +promised Mrs. Wynne that I would come, and I couldn't see that it would +be the right thing to chuck her. I thought the work would suffer if I +stayed at home, as she might find it impossible to get any other woman +who would pay her own way and consent to be away for so long a time. Our +prayers are always such childish things--prayer itself is only a +cry--and I remember praying that if I was "meant to stay at home" some +substitute might be found for me. This all seems too absurd when one +views it in the light of what afterwards happened. My vision of "honour" +and "work" seem for the moment ridiculous, and yet I know that I was not +so foolish as I seem, for I got a written statement from Mr. Hume +Williams (Mrs. Wynne's trustee), saying, "A unit has been formed, +consisting of Mrs. Wynne, Miss Macnaughtan, etc., and it has been +accepted by the Russian Red Cross." The idea of being in Russia and +having to look for work never in my wildest moments entered my head--and +this is the end of the "vision," I suppose. + +_Russian Christmas Day._--Took a car and went for a short run into the +country. Weather fine and bright. + +There is severe fighting in Galicia, and the rumour is that +Urumiyah--the place to which I am going--has been evacuated. + +My impression of Russia deepens--that it is run by beautiful women and +rich men; and yet how charming everyone is to meet! Hardly anyone is +uninteresting, and half the men are good-looking. The Cossack-dress is +very handsome, and nearly everyone wears it. When the colour is dark red +and the ornaments are of silver the effect is unusually good. They all +walk well. One is amongst a primitive people, but a remarkably fine one! + +_10 January._--I am taking French lessons. This would appear to be a +simple matter, even in Russia, but it has taken me three weeks to get a +teacher. The first to come required a rest, and must decline; the second +was recalled by an old employer; the third had too many engagements; the +fourth came and then holidays began, as they always do! First our +Christmas, then the Russian Christmas, then the Armenian Christmas, +leading on to three New Year Days! After that the Baptism, with its +holidays and its vigils. + +There is only one sort of breakfast-roll in this hotel which is soft +enough to eat; it is not made on festivals, nor on the day after a +festival. I can honestly say we hardly ever see one. + +With much fear and trembling I have bought a motor-car. No work seems +possible without it. The price is heavy, but everyone says I shall be +able to get it back when I leave. All the same I shake in my shoes--a +chauffeur, tyres, petrol, mean money all the time. One can't stop +spending out here. It is like some fate from which one can't escape. +Still the car is bought, and I suppose now I shall get work. + +[Page Heading: DIFFICULTIES] + +We are all in the same boat. Mrs. Wynne has waited for her ambulances +for three months, and I hear that even the Anglo-Russian hospital, with +every name from Queen Alexandra's downwards on the list of its patrons, +is in "one long difficulty." It is Russia, and nothing but Russia, that +breaks us all. Everything is promised, nothing is done. The only _hope_ +of getting a move on is by bribery, and one may bribe the wrong people +till one finds one's way about. + +_13 January._--The car took us up the Kajour road, and behaved well; but +the chauffeur drove us into a bridge on the way down, and had to be +dismissed. Tried to go to Erivan, but the new chauffeur mistook the +road, so we had to return to Tiflis. N.B.--Another holiday was coming +on, and he wanted to be at home. _I actually used to like difficulties!_ + +_15 January._--Started again for Erivan. All went well, and we had a +lovely drive till about 6 p.m. The dusk was gathering and we were up in +the hills, when "bang!" went something, and nothing on earth would make +the car move. We unscrewed nuts, we lighted matches, we got out the +"jack," but we could not discover what was wrong. So where were we to +spend the night? + +In a fold of the grey hills was a little grey village--just a few huts +belonging to Mahomedan shepherds, but there was nothing for it but to +ask them for shelter. Fortunately, Dr. Wilson knew the language, and he +persuaded the "head man" to turn out for us. His family consisted of +about sixteen persons, all sleeping on the floor. They gave us the +clay-daubed little place, and fortunately it contained a stove, but +nothing else. The snow was all round us, but we made up the fire and got +some tea, which we carried with us, and finally slept in the little +place while the chauffeur guarded the car. + +In the morning nothing would make the car budge an inch, and, seeing our +difficulty, the Mahomedans made us pay a good deal for horses to tow the +thing to the next village, where we heard there was a blacksmith. We +followed in a hay-cart. We got to a Malokand settlement about 5 o'clock, +and found ourselves in an extraordinarily pretty little village, and +were given shelter in the very cleanest house I ever saw. The woman was +a perfect treasure, and made us soup and gave us clean beds, and honey +for breakfast. The chauffeur found that our shaft was broken, and the +whole piece had to go back to Tiflis. + +It was a real blow, our trip knocked on the head again, and now how were +we to get on? The railway was 48 versts away, and the railway had to be +reached. We hired one of those painful little carts, which are made of +rough poles on wheels, and, clinging on by our eyelids, we drove as far +as an Armenian village, where a snowstorm came on, and we took shelter +with a "well-to-do" Armenian family, who gave us lunch and displayed +their wool-work and were very friendly. From there we got into another +"deelyjahns" of the painful variety, and jolted off for about 25 miles, +till, as night fell, we struck the railway, and were given two wooden +benches to sleep on in a small waiting-room. People came and went all +night, and we slept with one eye open till 2 a.m., when the chauffeur +took a train to Tiflis. We sat up till 6 a.m., when the train, two hours +late, started for Erivan, where we arrived pretty well "cooked" at 11 +p.m. + +[Page Heading: ERIVAN] + +_Erivan. 20 January._--Last night's experiences were certainly very +"Russian." We had wired for rooms, but although the message had been +received nothing was prepared. The miserable rooms were an inch thick in +dust, there were no fires, and no sheets on the beds! We went to a +restaurant--fortunately no Russian goes to bed early--and found the +queerest place, empty save for a band and a lady. The lady and the band +were having supper. She, poor soul, was painted and dyed, but she +offered her services to translate my French for me when the waiters +could understand nothing but Russian. I was thankful to eat something +and go to bed under my fur coat. + +To-day we have been busy seeing the Armenian refugees. There are 17,000 +of them in this city of 30,000 inhabitants. We went from one place to +another, and always one saw the same things and heard the same tales. + +Since the war broke out I think I have seen the actual breaking of the +wave of anguish which has swept over the world (I often wonder if I can +"feel" much more!). There was Dunkirk and its shambles, there was ruined +Belgium, and there was, above all, the field hospital at Furnes, with +its horrible courtyard, the burning heap of bandages, and the mattresses +set on edge to drip the blood off them and then laid on some bed again. +I can never forget it. I was helping a nurse once, and all the time I +was sitting on a dead man and never knew it! + +And now I am hearing of one million Armenians slaughtered in cold blood. +The pitiful women in the shelters were saying, "We are safe because we +are old and ugly; all the young ones went to the harems." Nearly all the +men were massacred. The surplus children and unwanted women were put +into houses and burned alive. Everywhere one heard, "We were 4,000 in +one village, and only 143 escaped;" "There were 30 of us, and now only a +few children remain;" "All the men are killed." These were things one +saw for oneself, heard for oneself. There was nothing sensational in the +way the women told their stories. + +Russia does what she can in the way of "relief." She gives 4-1/2 Rs. per +month to each person. This gives them bread, and there might be fires, +for stoves are there, but no one seems to have the gumption to put them +up. Here and there men and women are sleeping on valuable rugs, which +look strange in the bare shelters. Most of the women knitted, and some +wove on little "fegir" looms. The dullness of their existence matches +the tragedy of it. The food is so plain that it doesn't want +cooking--being mostly bread and water; but sometimes a few rags are +washed, and there is an attempt to try and keep warm. Yet I have heard +an English officer say that nothing pleases a Russian more than to ask, +"When is there to be another Armenian massacre?" + +The Armenians are hated. I wonder Christ doesn't do more for them +considering they were the first nation in the world to embrace +Christianity; but then, one wonders about so many things during this +war. Oh, if we could stamp out the madness that seems to accompany +religion, and just live sober, kind, sensible lives, how good it would +be; but the Turks must burn women and children, alive, because, poor +souls, they think one thing and the Turks think another! And men and +women are hating and killing each other because Christ, says one, had a +nature both human and divine, and, says another, the two were merged in +one. And a third says that Christ was equal to the Father, while a whole +Church separated itself on the question of Sabellianism, or "The +Procession of the Son." + +Poor Christ, once crucified, and now dismembered by your own disciples, +are you glad you came to earth, or do you still think God forsook you, +and did you, too, die an unbeliever? The crucifixion will never be +understood until men know that its worst agony consisted in the +disbelief which first of all doubts God and then must, by all reason, +doubt itself. The resurrection comes when we discover that we are God +and He is us. + +[Page Heading: ETCHMIADZIN] + +_21 January._--To-day, I drove out to Etchmiadzin with Mr. Lazarienne, +an Armenian, to see that curious little place. It is the ecclesiastical +city of Armenia--its little Rome, where the Catholicus lives. He was +ill, but a charming Bishop--Wardepett by name--with a flowing brown +beard and long black silk hood, made us welcome and gave us lunch, and +then showed us the hospital--which had no open windows, and smelt +horrible--and the lovely little third-century "temple." Then he took us +round the strange, quiet little place, with its peaceful park and its +three old brown churches, which mark what must once have been a great +city and the first seat of a national Christianity. Now there are +perhaps 300 inhabitants, but Mount Ararat dominates it, and Mount Ararat +is not a hill. It is a great white jewel set up against a sheet of +dazzling blue. + +Hills and ships always seem to me to be alive, and I think they have a +personality of their own. Ararat stands for the unassailable. It is like +some great fact, such as that what is beautiful must be true. It is +grand and pure and lovely, and when the sun sets it is more than this, +for then its top is one sheet of rose, and it melts into a mystic hill, +and one knows that whatever else may "go to Heaven" Ararat goes there +every night. + +We visited the old Persian palace built on the river's cliff, and looked +out over the gardens to the hills beyond, and saw the mosque, with its +blue roof against the blue sky, and its wonderful covering of old tiles, +which drop like leaves and are left to crumble. + +_Tiflis. 24 January._--I left Erivan on Sunday, January 23rd. It was +cold and sharp, and the train was crowded. People were standing all down +the corridors, as usual. Nothing goes quicker than eight miles an hour, +nothing is punctual, nothing arrives. The stations are filthy, and the +food is quite uneatable. I often despair of this country, and if the +Russians were not our Allies I should feel inclined to say that nothing +would do them so much good as a year or two of German conquest. No one, +after the first six months, has been enthusiastic over the war, and the +soldiers want to get home. One young officer, 26 years old, has been +loafing in Tiflis for six months, and has at last been arrested. Another +took his ticket on eight successive nights to leave the place and never +moved. At last he was locked in his room, and a motor-car ordered to +take him to the station. He got into it, and was not heard of for three +days, when his wife appeared, and found her husband somewhere in the +town. + +Mrs. Wynne and Mr. Bevan have gone on ahead to Baku, but I must wait for +my damaged car. A young officer in this hotel shot himself dead this +morning. No one seems to mind much. + +[Page Heading: RUSSIAN SOCIETY] + +_25 January._--Last night I was invited to play bridge by one of the +richest women in Russia. Her room was just a converted bedroom, with a +dirty wall-paper. The packs of cards were such as one might see +railway-men playing with in a lamp-room. Our stakes were a few kopeks, +and the refreshments consisted of one tepid cup of tea, without either +milk or lemon, and not a biscuit to eat. We all sat with shawls on, as +our hostess said it wasn't worth while to light a fire so late at night. +A nice little Princess Musaloff and Prince Napoleon Murat played with +me. We were rich in titles, but our shoulders were cold. + +I have not seen a single nice or even comfortable room since I left +England, and although some women dress well, and have pretty +cigarette-boxes from the renowned Faberje, other things about them are +all wrong. The furniture in their rooms is covered with plush, and the +ornaments (to me) suggest a head-gardener's house at home with "an +enlargement of mother" over the mantelpiece; or a Clapham drawing-room, +furnished during some happy year when cotton rose, or copper was +cornered. In this hotel the carpets are in holes in the passages, and +there are few servants; but I don't fancy that the people here notice +things very much. + +I went to see Mme. ---- one day in her new house. The rooms were large +and handsome. There was a picture of a cow at one end of the +drawing-room, and a mirror framed in plush at the other! + +I must draw a "character" one day of the very charming woman who is +absolutely indifferent to people's feelings. The fact that some humble +soul has prepared something for her, or that a sacrifice has been made, +or that one kind speech would satisfy, does not occur to her. These are +the people who chuck engagements when they get better invitations, and +always I seem to see them with expensive little bags and chains and +Faberje enamels. Men will slave for such women--will carry things for +them, and serve them. They have "success" until they are quite old, and +after they have taken to rouge and paint. A tired woman hardly ever gets +anything carried for her. + +_26 January._--A day's march nearer home! This is the Feast of St. Nina. +There is always a feast or a fete here. People walk about the streets, +they give each other rich cakes, and work a little less than usual. + +This hotel still keeps its cripples. Prince Murat sits on his little +chair on the landing. Prince Tschelikoff has his heart all wrong; there +is the man with one leg. + +Now Mlle. Lepnakoff, the singer, Musaloff, in his red coat, and some +heavy Generals are here. We have the same food every day. + +[Page Heading: ENFORCED IDLENESS] + +Perhaps I was pretty near having a breakdown when I came abroad, and the +enforced idleness of this life may have been Providential (all my hair +was falling out, and my eyes were very bad, and the war was wearing me +down rather); but to sit in an hotel bedroom or to potter over trifles +in sitting-rooms seems a poor sort of way of passing one's time. To rest +has always seemed to me very hard work. I can't even go to bed without a +pile of papers beside me to work at during the night or in the early +morning! + +When the power of writing leaves me, as it does fitfully and without +warning, I have a feeling of loneliness, which helps to convince me of +what I have always felt, that this power comes from outside, and can +only be explained psychically. I asked a great writer once if he ever +experienced the feeling I had of being "left," and he told me that +sometimes during the time of desolation he had seriously contemplated +suicide. + +_30 January._--I got a telephone message from Mr. Bevan last night. He +says Baku is too horrible, and there is no news of the cars. People are +telling me now that if instead of cars we had given money, we should +have been feted and decorated and extolled to the skies; but then, where +would the money have gone? Last week the two richest Armenian merchants +in this town were arrested for cheating the soldiers out of thousands of +yards of stuff for their coats. A Government official could easily be +found to say that the cloth had been received, and meanwhile what has +the soldier to cover him in the trenches? + +Armenians are certainly an odious set of people, and their ingratitude +is equalled by their meanness and greed. Mr. Hills, who is doing the +Armenian relief work here, pays all his own expenses, and he can't get a +truck to take his things to the refugees without paying for it, while he +is often asked the question, "Why can't you leave these things alone?" +Now that Mrs. Wynne has left I am asked the same question about her. +Russia can "break" one very successfully. + +The weather has turned cold, and there is tearing wind and snow. + +_1 February._--"No," says I to myself, in a supremely virtuous manner, +"I shall not be beaten by this enervating existence here. I'll do +_something_--if it's only sewing a seam." + +So out came needles and cotton and mending and hemming, but, would it be +believed, I am afflicted with two "doigts blancs" (festered fingers), +and have to wear bandages, which prevent my doing even the mildest seam. +Oddly enough, this "maladie" is a sort of epidemic here. The fact is, +the dust is full of microbes, and no one is too well nourished. + +[Page Heading: SOME "MALADES IMAGINAIRES"] + +I am rather amused by those brave strong people who "don't make a fuss +about their health." One hears from them almost daily that their +temperature has gone up to 103 deg.; "but it's nothing," they say +heroically, "or if it is, it's only typhoid, and who cares for a little +typhoid?" Does a head ache, there is "something very queer about it, +but"--pushing back hair from hot brow--"no one is to worry about it. It +will be better to-morrow; or if it really is going to be fever, we must +just try to make the best of it." A sty in the eye is cataract, "but +lots of blind people are very happy;" and a bilious attack is generally +that mysterious, oft-recurring and interesting complaint "camp fever." +Cheer up, no one is to be discouraged if the worst happens! A +thermometer is produced and shaken and applied. The temperature is too +low now; it is probably only typhus, and we mean to be brave and get up. + +_3 February._--Last night we played bridge. All the princes and +princesses moistened their thumbs before dealing, and no one is above +using a "crachoir" on the staircase! Oh for one hour of England! In all +my travels I have only found one foreign race which seemed to me to be +well-bred (as I understand it), and that is the native of India. The +very best French people come next; and the Spaniard knows how to bow, +but he clears his throat in an objectionable manner. None of them have +been licked! That is the trouble. An Eton boy of fifteen could give them +all points, and beat them with his hands in his pockets. + +I am quite sure that the British nation is really superior to all +others. Ours is the only well-bred race, and the only generous or +hospitable nation. Fancy a foreigner keeping "open house"! Here the +entertainment is a glass of thickened tea, and the stove is frequently +not lighted even on a chilly evening. Since I have been in Russia I have +had nothing better or more substantial given to me (by the Russians) +than a piece of cake, except by the Grand Duke. We brought heaps of +letters of introduction, and people called, but that is all, or else +they gave an "evening" with the very lightest refreshments I have ever +seen. Someone plays badly on the piano, there is a little bridge, and a +samovar! + +_6 February._--The queer epidemic of "gathered fingers" continues here. +Having two I am in the fashion. They make one awkward, and more idle +than ever. A lot of people come in and out of my sitting-room to "cheer +me up," and everyone wants me to tell their fortune. Mrs. Wynne and Mr. +Bevan are still at Baku. + +Last night I went to Prince Orloff's box to hear Lipkofskaya in "Faust." + +My car has come back, and is running well, but the weather has been cold +and stormy, with snow drifting in from the hills. I took Mme. Derfelden +and her husband to Kajura to-day. Now that I have the car everyone wants +me to work with them. The difficulty of transport is indescribable. +Without a car is like being without a leg. One simply can't get about. +In order to get a seat on a train people walk up the line and bribe the +officials at the place where it is standing to allow them to get on +board.{11} + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +ON THE PERSIAN FRONT + + +_8 February._--A "platteforme" having been found for my car, I and M. +Ignatieff of the Red Cross started for Baku to-day. We found our little +party at the Metropole Hotel. Went to the MacDonell's to lunch. He is +Consul. They are quite charming people, and their little flat was open +to us all the time we were at Baku. + +The place itself is wind-blown and fly-blown and brown, but the harbour +is very pretty, with its crowds of shipping, painted with red hulls, +which make a nice bit of colour in the general drab of the hills and the +town. There are no gardens and no trees, and all enterprise in the way +of town-planning and the like is impossible owing to the Russian habit +of cheating. They have tried for sixteen years to start electric trams, +but everyone wants too much for his own pocket. The morals become +dingier and dingier as one gets nearer Tartar influence, and no shame is +thought of it. Most of the stories one hears would blister the pages of +a diary. When a house of ill-fame is opened it is publicly blessed by +the priest! + +_Kasvin. 18 February._.--We spent a week at Baku and grumbled all the +time, although really we were not at all unhappy. The MacDonells were +always with us, and we had good games of bridge with Ignatieff in the +evenings. We went to see the oil city at Baku, and one day we motored to +the far larger one further out. One of the directors, an Armenian, went +with us, and gave us at his house the very largest lunch I have ever +seen. It began with many plates of zakouska (hors d'oeuvres), and went +on to a cold entree of cream and chickens' livers; then grilled salmon, +with some excellent sauce, and a salad of beetroot and cranberries. This +was followed by an entree of kidneys, and then we came to soup, the best +I have ever eaten; after soup, roast turkey, followed by chicken pilau, +sweets and cheese. It was impossible even to taste all the things, but +the Georgian cook must have been a "cordon bleu." + +On February 16th one of the long-delayed cars arrived, and we were in +ecstasies, and took our places on the steamer for Persia; but the +radiator had been broken on the way down, and Mrs. Wynne was delayed +again. I started, as my car was arranged for, and had to go on board. +Also, I found I could be of use to Mr. Scott of the Tehran Legation, who +was going there. We travelled on the boat together, and had an excellent +crossing to Enzeli, a lovely little port, and then we took my car and +drove to Resht, where Mr. and Mrs. McLaren, the Consul and his wife, +kindly put us up. Their garden is quiet and damp; the house is damp too, +and very ugly. There are only two other English people (at the bank) to +form the society of the place, and it must be a bit lonely for a young +woman. I found the situation a little tragic. + +[Page Heading: KASVIN] + +We drove on next day to this place (Kasvin), and Mr. and Mrs. Goodwin +were good enough to ask us to stay with them. The big fires in the house +were very cheering after our cold drive in the snow. The moonlight was +marvellous, and the mountain passes were beyond words picturesque. We +passed a string of 150 camels pacing along in the moonlight and the +snow. All of them wore bells which jingled softly. Around us were the +weird white hills, with a smear of mist over them. The radiant moon, the +snow, and the chiming camels I shall never forget. + +Captain Rhys Williams was also at the Goodwins; and as he was in very +great anxiety to get to Hamadan, I offered to take him in my car, and +let Mr. Scott do the last stage of the journey in the Legation car to +Tehran. We were delayed one day at Kasvin, which was passed very +pleasantly in the sheltered sunny compound of the house. My little white +bedroom was part of the "women's quarters" of old days, and with its +bright fire at night and the sun by day it was a very comfortable place +in which to perch. + +_Hamadan. 24 February._--Captain Williams and I left Kasvin at 8 a.m. on +February 19th. + +I had always had an idea that Persia was in the tropics. _Where_ I got +this notion I can't say. As soon as we left sheltered Kasvin and got out +on to the plains the cold was as sharp as anything I have known. Snow +lay deep on every side, and the icy wind nearly cut one in two. We +stopped at a little "tschinaya" (tea-house), and ate some sandwiches +which we carried with us. I also had a flask of Sandeman's port, given +me last Christmas by Sir Ivor Maxwell. I think a glass of this just +prevented me from being frozen solid. We drove on to the top of the +pass, and arrived there about 3 o'clock. We found some Russian officers +having an excellent lunch, and we shared ours and had some of theirs. We +saw a lot of game in the snow--great coveys of fat partridges, hares by +the score, a jackal, two wolves, and many birds. The hares were very +odd, for after twilight fell, and we lit our lamps, they seemed quite +paralysed by the glare, and used to sit down in front of the car. + +We passed a regiment of Cossacks, extended in a long line, and coming +over the snow on their strong horses. We began to get near war once +more, and to see transport and guns. General Baratoff wants us up here +to remove wounded men when the advance begins towards Bagdad. + +The cold was really as bad as they make after the sun had sunk, and an +icy mist enveloped the hills. We got within sight of the clay-built, +flat Persian town of Hamadan about 10 p.m., but the car couldn't make +any way on the awful roads, so I left Captain Williams at the barracks, +and came on to the Red Cross hospital with two Russian officers, one a +little the worse for drink. + +[Page Heading: ARRIVAL AT HAMADAN] + +With the genius for muddling which the Russians possess in a remarkable +degree no preparations had been made for me. Rather an unpleasant Jew +doctor came to the gateway with two nurses, and the officers began to +flirt with the girls, and to pay them compliments. Some young +Englishmen, one of whom was the British Consul, then appeared on the +scene, so we began to get forward a little (although it seemed to me +that we stood about in the snow for a terrible long time and I got quite +frozen!). As it was then past midnight I felt I had had enough, so I +made for the American missionary's house, which was pointed out to me, +and he and his wife hopped out of bed, and, clad in curious grey +dressing-gowns, they came downstairs and got me a cup of hot tea, which +I had wanted badly for many hours. There was no fireplace in my room, +and the other fires of the house were all out, but the old couple were +kindness and goodness itself, and in the end I rolled myself up in my +faithful plaid and slept at their house. + +The next day--Sunday, the 20th--Mr. Cowan, the young Consul, and a Mr. +Lightfoot, came round and bore me off to the Consulate. On Monday I +began to settle in, but even now I find it difficult to take my +bearings, as we have been in a heavy mountain fog ever since I got here. +There is a little English colony, the bank manager, Mr. MacMurray, and +his wife--a capable, energetic woman, and an excellent working +partner--Mr. McLean, a Scottish clerk, a Mr. McDowal, also a Scot, and a +few other good folk; whom in Scotland one would reckon the farmer class, +but none the worse for that, and never vulgar however humbly born. + +On Monday, the 21st, I called on the Russian element--Mme. Kirsanoff, +General Baratoff, etc. They were all cordial, but nothing will convince +me that Russians take this war seriously. They do the thing as +comfortably as possible. "My country" is a word one never hears from +their lips, and they indulge in masterly retreats too often for my +liking. The fire of the French, the dogged pluck of the British, seem +quite unknown to them. Literally, no one seems much interested. There is +a good deal of fuss about a "forward movement" on this front; but I +fancy that at Kermanshah and at ---- there will be very little +resistance, and the troops there are only Persian gendarmerie. No doubt +the most will be made of the Russian "victory," but compared with the +western front, this is simply not war. I often think of the guns firing +day and night, and the Taubes overhead, and the burning towns of +Flanders, and then I find myself living a peaceful life, with an +occasional glimpse of a regiment passing by. + + + * * * * * + +_To Mrs. Charles Percival._ + +BRITISH VICE-CONSULATE, +HAMADAN. +_23 February, 1916._ + +MY DEAREST TABBY, + +We are buried in snow, and every road is a dug-out, with parapets of +snow on either side. All journeys have to be made by road, and generally +over mountain passes, where you may or may not get through the snow. One +sees "breakdowns" all along the routes, and everywhere we go we have to +take food and blankets in case of a camp out. I have had to buy a +motor-car, and I got a very good one in Tiflis, but they are so scarce +one has to pay a ransom for them. I am hoping it won't be quite smashed +up, and that I shall be able to sell it for something when I leave. + +[Page Heading: THE DIFFICULTY OF TRANSPORT] + +Transport is the difficulty everywhere in these vast countries, with +their persistent want of railways; so that the most necessary way of +helping the wounded is to remove them as painlessly and expeditiously as +possible, and this can only be done by motor-cars. Only one of Mrs. +Wynne's ambulances has yet arrived, and in the end I came on here +without her and Mr. Bevan. I was wanted to give a member of the Legation +at Tehran a lift; and, still more important, I had to bring a soldier of +consequence here. So long as one can offer a motor-car one is +everybody's friend. + +Yesterday I was in request to go up to a pass and fetch two doctors, who +had broken down in the snow. The wind is often a hurricane, and I am +told there will be no warm weather till May. I look at a light silk +dressing-gown and gauze underclothing, and wonder why it is that no one +seems able to tell one what a climate will be like. I have warm things +too, I am glad to say, although our luggage is now of the lightest, and +is only what we can take in a car. The great thing is to be quite +independent. No one would dream of bringing on heavy luggage or anything +of that sort, except, of course, Legation people, who have their own +transport and servants. + +On journeys one is kindly treated by the few Scottish people (they all +seem to be Scots) scattered here and there. Everywhere I go I find the +usual Scottish couple trying to "have things nice," and longing for +mails from home. One woman was newly married, and had only one wish in +life, and that was for acid drops. Poor soul, she wasn't well, and I +mean to make her the best imitation I can and send them to her. They +make their houses wonderfully comfortable; _but_ the difficulty of +getting things! Another woman had written home for her child's frock in +August, and got it by post on February 15th. Cases of things coming by +boat or train take far longer, or never arrive at all. + +I shall be working with the Russian hospital here till our next move. +There are 25 beds and 120 patients. Of course we are only waiting to +push on further. The political situation is most interesting, but I must +not write about it, of course. It is rather wonderful to have seen the +war from so many quarters. + +The long wait for the cars was quite maddening, but I believe it did me +good. I was just about "through." Now I am in a bachelor's little house, +full of terrier dogs and tobacco smoke; and when I am not at the +hospital I darn socks and play bridge. + +Now that really is all my news, I think. Empire is not made for nothing, +and one sees some plucky lives in these out-of-the-way parts. I did not +take a fancy to my host at one house where we stayed, and something made +me think his wife was bullied and not very happy. A husband would have +to be quite all right to compensate for exile, mud, and solitude. Always +my feeling is that we want far more people--especially educated people, +of course--to run the world; yet we continue to shoot down our best and +noblest, and when shall we ever see their like again? + +Always, my dear, +Your loving +S. MACNAUGHTAN. + +I hope to get over to Tehran on my "transport service," and there I may +find a mail. Some people called ----, living near Glasgow, had nine +sons, eight of whom have been killed in the war. The ninth is delicate, +and is doing Red Cross work. + + * * * * * + +_26 February._--On Tuesday a Jew doctor took my motor-car by fraud, so +there had to be an enquiry, and I don't feel happy about it yet. With +Russians _anything_ may happen. I have begun to suffer from my chillsome +time getting here, and also my mouth and chin are very bad; so I have +had to lie doggo, and see an ancient Persian doctor, who prescribed and +talked of the mission-field at the same time. + +[Page Heading: MISSIONARIES AND RELIGION] + +I am struck by one thing, which is so naively expressed out here that it +is very humorous, and that is the firm and formidable front which the +best sort of men show towards religion. To all of them it means +missionaries and pious talk, and to hear them speak one would imagine it +was something between a dangerous disease and a disgrace. The best they +can say of any clergyman (whom they loathe) or missionary, is, "He never +tried the Gospel on with me." A religious young man means a sneak, and +one who swears freely is generally rather a good fellow. When one lives +in the wilds I am afraid that one often finds that this view is the +right one, although it isn't very orthodox; but the pi-jaw which passes +for religion seems deliberately calculated to disgust the natural man, +who shows his contempt for the thing wholesomely as becomes him. He +means to smoke, he means to have a whisky-peg when he can get it, and a +game of cards when that is possible. His smoke is harmless, he seldom +drinks too much, and he plays fair at all games, but when he finds that +these harmless amusements preclude him from a place in the Kingdom of +Heaven he naturally--if he has the spirit of a mouse--says, "All right. +Leave me out. I am not on in this show." + +_27 February._--On Sunday one always thinks of home. I am rather +inclined to wonder what my family imagine I am actually doing on the +Persian front. No doubt some of my dear contemporaries saddle me with +noble deeds, but I still seem unable to strike the "noble" tack. Even my +work in hospital has been stopped by a telegram from the Red Cross, +saying, "Don't let Miss Macnaughtan work yet." A typhus scare, I fancy. +Such rot. But I am used now to hearing all the British out here murmur, +"What _can_ be the good of this long delay?" + +[Page Heading: HOW NEWS TRAVELS IN PERSIA] + +I am still staying at the British Consulate. The Consul, Mr. Cowan, is a +good fellow, and Mr. Lightfoot, his chum, is a real backwoodsman, full +of histories of adventures, fights, "natives," and wars in many lands. +He seems to me one of those headstrong, straight, fine fellows whom one +only meets in the wilds. England doesn't agree with them; they haven't +always a suit of evening clothes; but in a tight place one knows how +cool he would be, and for yarns there is no one better. He tells one a +lot about this country, and he knows the Arabs like brothers. Their +system of communicating with each other is as puzzling to him as it is +to everyone else. News travels faster among them than any messenger or +post can take it. At Bagdad they heard from these strange people of the +fall of Basra, which is 230 miles away, within 25 hours of its having +been taken. Mr. Lightfoot says that even if he travels by car Arab news +is always ahead of him, and where he arrives with news it is known +already. Telegraphy is unknown in the places he speaks of, except in +Bagdad, of course, and Persia owns exactly one line of railway, eight +miles long, which leads to a tomb! + +More important than any man here are the dogs--Smudge, Jimmy, and the +puppy. Most of the conversation is addressed to them. All of it is about +them. + +_28 February. A day on the Persian front._--I wake early because it is +always so cold at 4 a.m., and I generally boil up water for my hot-water +bottle and go to sleep again. Then at 8 comes the usual Resident Sahib's +servant, whom I have known in many countries and in many climes. He is +always exactly alike, and the Empire depends upon him! He is thin, he is +mysterious. He is faithful, and allows no one to rob his master but +himself. He believes in the British. He worships British rule, and he +speaks no language but his own, though he probably knows English +perfectly, and listens to it at every meal without even the cock of an +ear! He is never hurried, never surprised. What he thinks his private +idol may know--no one else does. His master's boots--especially the +brown sort--are part of his religion. He understands an Englishman, and +is unmoved by his behaviour, whatever it may be. I have met him in +India, in Kashmir, at Embassies, in Consulates, on steamers, and I have +never known his conduct alter by a hair's breadth. He is piped in red, +and let that explain him, as it explains much else that is British. Just +a thin red line down the length of a trouser or round a coat, and the +man thus adorned is part of the Empire. + +The man piped in red lights my fire every morning in Persia, and +arranges my tub, and we breakfast very late because there is nothing to +do on three days of the week--_i.e._, Friday, the Persian Sabbath, +Saturday, the Jewish Sabbath, and Sunday, the Armenian Sunday. On these +three days neither bazaars nor offices are open. Business is at a +standstill. The Consulate smokes pipes, develops photographs, and reads +old novels. On the four busy days we breakfast at 10 o'clock, and during +the meal we learn what the dogs have done during the night--whether +Jimmy has barked, or Smudge has lain on someone's bed, or the puppy +"coolly put his head on my pillow." + +About 11 o'clock I, who am acting as wardrobe-mender to some very untidy +clothes and socks, get to work, and the young men go to the town and +appear at lunch-time. We hear what the local news is, and what Mr. +MacMurray has said and Mr. McLean thought, and sometimes one of the +people from the Russian hospital comes in. About 3 we put on goloshes +and take exercise single-file on the pathways cut in the snow. At 5 the +samovar appears and tea and cake, and we talk to the dogs and to each +other. We dress for dinner, because that is our creed; and we burn a +good deal of wood, and go to bed early. + +Travel really means movement. Otherwise, it is far better to stay at +home. I am beginning to sympathise with the Americans who insist upon +doing two cities a day. We got some papers to-day dated October 26th, +and also a few letters of the same date. + + * * * * * + +[Page Heading: UNFINISHED ARTICLE ON PERSIA] + +_Unfinished Article on Persia found among Miss Macnaughtan's papers._ + +Persia is a difficult country to write about, for unless one colours the +picture too highly to be recognisable, it is apt to be uninteresting +even under the haze of the summer sun, while in wintertime the country +disappears under a blanket of white snow. Of course, most of us thought +that Persia was somewhere in the tropics, and it gives us a little shock +when we find ourselves living in a temperature of 8 degrees below zero. +The rays of the sun are popularly supposed to minimise the effect of +this cold, and a fortnight's fog on the Persian highlands has still left +one a believer in this phenomenon, for when the sun does shine, it does +it handsomely, and, according to the inhabitants, it is only when +strangers are here that it turns sulky. Be that as it may, the most +loyal lover of Persia will have to admit that Persian mud is the deepest +and blackest in the world, and that snow and mud in equal proportions to +a depth of 8 inches make anything but agreeable travelling. Snow is +indiscriminately shovelled down off the roofs of houses on to the heads +of passers-by, and great holes in the road are accepted as the +inevitable accompaniment to winter traffic. + +In the bazaars--narrow, and filled with small booths, where Manchester +cotton is stacked upon shelves--the merchants sit huddled up on their +counters, each with a cotton lahaf (quilt) over him, under which is a +small brazier of ougol (charcoal). In this way he manages to remain in a +thawed condition, while a pipe consoles him for his little trade and the +horrible weather. Before him, in the narrow alleys of the bazaar, +Persians walk with their umbrellas unfurled, and Russians have put the +convenient bashluk (a sort of woollen hood) over their heads and ears. +The Arab, in his long camel-skin coat, looks impervious to the weather, +and women with veiled faces and long black cloaks pick their way through +the mire. Throngs of donkeys, melancholy and overladen, their small feet +sinking in the slush, may be with the foot-passengers. Some pariah dogs +make a dirty patch in the snow, and a troop of Cossacks, their long +cloaks spotted with huge snow-flakes, trot heavily through the narrow +lanes. + +But it is not only, nor principally, of climate that one speaks in +Persia at the present time. + +Persia has been stirring, if not with great events, at least with +important ones, and at the risk of telling stale news, one must take a +glance at the recent history of the country and its people. It is +proverbial to say that Persia has been misgoverned for years. It is a +country and the Persians are people who seem fated by circumstances and +by temperament to endure ill-government. A ruler is either a despot or a +knave, and frequently both. Any system of policy is liable to change at +any moment. Property is held in the uneasy tenure of those who have +stolen it, and a long string of names of rulers and politicians reveals +the fact that most of them have made what they could for themselves by +any means, and that perhaps, on the whole, violence has been less +detrimental to the country than weakness. + +[Page Heading: THE YOUNG PERSIAN MOVEMENT] + +The worst of it is that no one seems particularly to want the +Deliverer--the great and single-minded leader who might free and uplift +the country. Persia does not crave the ideal ruler; he might make it +very unpleasant for those who are content and rich in their own way. It +is this thing, amongst many others, which helps to make the situation in +Persia not only difficult but almost impossible to follow or describe, +and it is, above all, the temperament of the Persians themselves which +is the baffling thing in the way of Persian reform. Yet reform has been +spoken of loudly, and again and again in the last few years, and the +reformation is generally known as the Nationalist or Young Persian +Movement. To follow this Movement through its various ramifications +would require a clue as plain and as clear as a golden thread, and the +best we can do in our present obscurity is to give a few of the leading +features. + +The important and critical situation evident in Persia to-day owes its +beginning to the disturbances in 1909, when the Constitutional Party +came into power, forcibly, and with guns ready to train on Tehran, and +when, almost without an effort, they obtained their rights, and lost +them again with even less effort.... + + * * * * * + +_29 February._--The last day of a long month. The snow falls without +ceasing, blotting out everything that there may be to be seen. To-day, +for the first time, I realised that there are hills near. Mr. Lightfoot +and I walked to the old stone lion which marks the gateway of +Ekmadan--_i.e._, ancient Hamadan. I think the snow was rather thicker +than usual to-day. Mr. Lightfoot and I went to Hamadan, plodding our way +through little tramped-down paths, with snow three feet deep on either +side. By way of being cheerful we went to see two tombs. One was an old, +old place, where slept "the first great physician" who ever lived. In it +a dervish kept watch in the bitter cold, and some slabs of dung kept a +smouldering fire not burning but smoking. These dervishes have been +carrying messages for Germans. Mysterious, like all religious men, they +travel through the country and distribute their whispers and messages. +The other tomb is called Queen Esther's, though why they should bury her +at Ekmadan when she lived down at Shushan I don't know. + +We went to see Miss Montgomerie the other day. She is an American +missionary, who has lived at Hamadan for thirty-three years. She has +schools, etc., and she lives in the Armenian quarter, and devotes her +life to her neighbours. Her language is entirely Biblical, and it sounds +almost racy as she says it. + +There is nothing to record. Yesterday I cleaned out my room for +something to do, and in the evening a smoky lamp laid it an inch thick +in blacks. The pass here is quite blocked, and no one can come or go. +The snow falls steadily in fine small flakes. My car has disappeared, +with the chauffeur, at Kasvin. I hear of it being sent to Enzeli; but +the whole thing is a mystery, and is making me very anxious. There are +no answers to any of my telegrams, and I am completely in the dark. + +_3 March._--I think that to be on a frozen hill-top, with fever, some +boils, three dogs, and a blizzard, is about as near wearing down one's +spirits as anything I know. + +_5 March, Sunday._--In bed all day, with the ancient Persian in +attendance. + + * * * * * + +[Page Heading: THE RETURN OF THE PILGRIM] + +_The Return of the Pilgrim._ + +This is not a story for Sunday afternoon. It is true for one thing, and +Sunday afternoon stories are not, as a rule, true. They nearly all tell +of the return of the Prodigals, but they leave out the return of the +Pilgrims, and that is why this parable is not for Sunday afternoon. I +write it because I never knew a true thing yet that was not of use to +someone. + +Most of us leave home when we are grown up. The people who never grow up +stop at home. The journey and the outward-bound vision are the signs of +an active mind stirring wholesomely or unwholesomely as the case may be. +The Prodigal is generally accounted one of those whose sane mind demands +an outlet; but he lands in trouble, and gets hungry, and comes back +penitent, as we have heard a thousand million times. The Far Country is +always barren, the husks of swine are the only food to be had, and +bankruptcy is inevitable. + +The story has been accepted by many generations of men as a picture of +the world, with its temptations, its sins, its moral bankruptcy, and its +illusionary and unsatisfying pleasures. Preachers have always been fond +of allusions to the husks and swine, and the desperate hunger which +there is nothing to satisfy in the Far Country. The story is true, God +wot; it gives many a man a wholesome fright, and keeps him at home, and +its note of forgiveness for a wasted life has proved the salvation of +many Prodigals. + +But there is another journey, far more often undertaken by the young and +by all those who needs must seek--the brave, the energetic, the good. It +is towards a country distant yet ever near, and it lies much removed +from the Far Country where swine feed. Its minarets stand up against a +clear and cloudless sky, its radiancy shines from afar off. It is set on +a hill, and the road thither is very steep and very long, but the +Pilgrims start out bravely. They know the way! They carry torches! They +have the Light within and without, and "watchwords" for every night, and +songs for the morning. Some walk painfully, with bleeding feet, on the +path that leads to the beautiful country, and some run joyously with +eager feet. Whatever anyone likes to say, it is a much more crowded path +than the old trail towards the pigsty. At the first step of the journey +stand Faith and Hope and Charity, and beyond are more wondrous things by +far--Glory, Praise, Vision, Sacrifice, Heroism, sublime Trust, the +Need-to-Give, and the Love that runs to help. And some of the +Pilgrims--most of them--get there. + +[Page Heading: DISAPPOINTMENT] + +But there is a little stream of Pilgrims sometimes to be met with going +the other way. They are returning, like the Prodigal, but there is no +one to welcome them. Some are very tragic figures, and for them the sun +is for ever obscured. But there are others--quite plain, sober men and +women, some humorists, and some sages. They have honestly sought the +Country, and they, too, have unfurled banners and marched on; but they +have met with many things on the road which do not match the watchwords, +and they have heard many wonderful things which, truthfully considered, +do not always appear to them to be facts. They have called Poverty +beautiful, and they have found it very ugly; and they have called Money +naught, and they have found it to be Power. They have found Sacrifice +accepted, and then claimed by the selfish and mean, and even Love has +not been all that was expected. The Pilgrims return. Their poor tummies, +too, are empty, but no calf is killed for them, there is no feasting +and no joy. They stay at home, but neither Elder Son nor Prodigal has +any use for them. In the end they turn out the light and go to sleep, +regretting--if they have any humour--their many virtues, which for so +long prevented them enjoying the pleasant things of life. + + * * * * * + +_March._--I lie in bed all day up here amongst these horrible snows. The +engineer comes in sometimes and makes me a cup of Benger's Food. For the +rest, I lean up on my elbow when I can, and cook some little +thing--Bovril or hot milk--on my Etna stove. Then I am too tired to eat +it, and the sickness begins all over again. Oh, if I could leave this +place! If only someone would send back my car, which has been taken +away, or if I could hear where Mrs. Wynne and Mr. Bevan are! But no, the +door of this odious place is locked, and the key is thrown away. + +I have lost count of time. I just wait from day to day, hoping someone +will come and take me away, though I am now getting so weak I don't +suppose I can travel. + +One wonders whether there can be a Providence in all this +disappointment. I think not. I just made a great mistake coming out +here, and I have suffered for it. Ye gods, what a winter it has +been--disillusioning, dull, hideously and achingly disappointing! + +[Page Heading: MEMORIES OF HOME] + +It is too odd to think that until the war came I was the happiest woman +in the world. It is too funny to think of my house in London, which +people say is the only "salon"--a small "salon," indeed! But I can +hardly believe now in my crowds of friends, my devoted servants, my +pleasant work, the daily budget of letters and invitations, and the +press notices in their pink slips. Then the big lectures and the +applause--the shouts when I come in. The joy, almost the intoxication of +life, has been mine. + +Of course, I ought to have turned back at Petrograd! But I thought all +my work was before me, and in Russia one can't go about alone without +knowing the way and the language of the people. Permits are difficult, +nothing is possible unless one is attached to a body. And now I have +reached the end--_Persia! And there is no earthly use for us, and there +are no roads._ + + + + +CHAPTER V + +THE LAST JOURNEY + + +My car turned up at Hamadan on March 9th, and on the 13th I said +good-bye to my friends at the Consulate, and left the place with a +Tartar prince, who cleared his throat from the bottom of his soul, and +spat luxuriously all the time. The mud was beyond anything that one +could imagine. There was a sea of it everywhere, and men waded knee-deep +in slush. My poor car floundered bravely and bumped heavily, till at +last it could move no more. Two wheels were sunk far past the hubs, and +the step of the car was under mud. + +The Tartar prince hailed a horse from some men and flung himself across +it, and then rode off through the thick sea of mud to find help to move +the car. His methods were simple. He came up behind men, and clouted +them over the head, or beat them with a stick, and drove them in front +of him. Sometimes he took out a revolver and fired over the men's heads, +making them jump; but nothing makes them really work. We pushed on for a +mile or two, and then stuck again. This time there were no men near, and +the prince walked on to collect some soldiers at the next station. It +was a wicked, blowy day, and I crept into a wrecked "camion" and +sheltered there, and ate some lunch and slept a little. I wasn't feeling +a bit well. + +That night we only made twenty miles, and then we put up at a little +rest-house, where the woman had ten children. They all had colds, and +coughed all the time. She promised supper at 8 o'clock, but kept us +waiting till 10 p.m., and then a terrible repast of batter appeared in a +big tin dish, and everyone except me ate it, and everyone drank my wine. +Then six children and their parents lay in one tiny room, and I and a +nurse occupied the hot supper-room, and thus we lay until the cold +morning came, and I felt very ill. + +So the day began, and it did not improve. I was sick all the time until +I could neither think nor see. The poor prince could do nothing, of +course. + +[Page Heading: ILLNESS AT KASVIN] + +At last we came to a rest-house, and I felt I could go no further. I was +quite unconscious for a time. Then they told me it was only two hours to +Kasvin, and somehow they got me on board the motor-car, and the horrible +journey began again. Every time the car bumped I was sick. Of course we +punctured a tyre, which delayed us, and when we got into Kasvin it was 9 +o'clock. The Tartar lifted me out of the car, and I had been told that I +might put up at a room belonging to Dr. Smitkin, but where it was I had +no idea, and I knew there would be no one there. So I plucked up courage +to go to the only English people in the place--the Goodwins, with whom I +had stayed on my way up--and ask for a bed. This I did, and they let me +spread my camp-bed in his little sitting-room. I was ill indeed, and +aching in every bone. + +The next day I had to go to Smitkin's room. It was an absolutely bare +apartment, but someone spread my bed for me, and there were some Red +Cross nurses who all offered to do things. The one thing I wanted was +food, and this they could only get at the soldiers' mess two miles away. +So all I had was one tin of sweet Swiss milk. The day after this I +decided I must quit, whatever happened, and get to Tehran, where there +are hotels. After one night there I was taken to a hospital. I was alone +in Persia, in a Russian hospital, where few people even spoke French! + +On March 19th an English doctor rescued me. He heard I was ill, and came +to see me, and took me off to be with his wife at his own home at the +Legation. I shall never forget it as long as I live--the blessed change +from dirty glasses and tin basins and a rocky bed! What does illness +matter with a pretty room, and kindness showered on one, and everything +clean and fragrant? I have a little sitting-room, where my meals are +served, and I have a fire, a bath, and a garden to sit in. + +God bless these good people! + + * * * * * + +[Page Heading: A LETTER FROM TEHRAN] + +_To Lady Clementine Waring._ + +BRITISH LEGATION, TEHRAN, +_22 March._ + +DARLING CLEMMIE, + +I am coming home, having fallen sick. Do you know, I was thinking about +you so much the other night, for you told me that if ever I was really +"down and out" you would know. So I wondered if, about a week ago, you +saw a poor small person (who has shrunk to about half her size!) in an +empty room, feeling worth nothing at all, and getting nothing to eat and +no attention! Persia isn't the country to be ill in. I was taken to the +Russian hospital--which is an experience I don't want to repeat!--but +now I am in the hands of the Legation doctor, and he is going to nurse +me till I am well enough to go home. + +There are no railways in this country, except one of eight miles to a +tomb! Hence we all have to flounder about on awful roads in motor-cars, +which break down and have to be dug out, and always collapse at the +wrong moment, so we have to stay out all night. + +You thought Persia was in the tropics? So did I! I have been in deep +snow all the time till I came here. + +I think the campaign here is nearly over. It might have been a lot +bigger, for the Germans were bribing like mad, but you can't make a +Persian wake up. + +Ever, dear Clemmie, +Your loving +S. MACNAUGHTAN. + +So nice to know you think of me, as I know you do. + + * * * * * + +_26 March._--I am getting stronger, and the days are bright. As a great +treat I have been allowed to go to church this morning, the first I have +been to since Petrograd. + + * * * * * + +_To Miss Julia Keays-Young._ + +BRITISH LEGATION, TEHRAN. +_1 April._ + +DARLING JENNY, + +In case you want to make plans about leave, etc., will you come and stop +with me when first I get home, say about the 5th or 6th May, I can't say +to a day? It will be nice to see you all and have a holiday, and then I +hope to come out to Russia again. Did I tell you I have been ill, but am +now being nursed by a delightful English doctor and his wife, and +getting the most ideal attention, and medicines changed at every change +in the health of the patient. + +I've missed everything here. I was to be presented to the Shah, etc., +etc., and to have gone to the reception on his birthday. All the time +I've lain in bed or in the garden, but as I haven't felt up to anything +else I haven't fashed, and the Shah must do wanting me for the present. + +The flowers here are just like England, primroses and violets and Lent +lilies, but I'm sure the trees are further out at home. + +Your most loving +AUNT SALLY. + + * * * * * + +_To Mrs. Keays-Young._ + +BRITISH LEGATION, TEHRAN, +_8 April._ + +DEAREST BABY, + +I don't think I'll get home till quite the end of April, as I am not +supposed to be strong enough to travel yet. My journey begins with a +motor drive of 300 miles over fearful roads and a chain of mountains +always under snow. Then I have to cross the lumpy Caspian Sea, and I +shall rest at Baku two nights before beginning the four days journey to +Petrograd. After that the fun really begins, as one always loses all +one's luggage in Finland, and one finishes up with the North Sea. What +do you think of that, my cat? + +[Page Heading: CONVALESCENCE] + +Dr. Neligan is still looking after me quite splendidly, and I never +drank so much medicine in my life. No fees or money can repay the dear +man. + +Tehran is _the_ most primitive place! You can't, for instance, get one +scrap of flannel, and if a bit of bacon comes into the town there is a +stampede for it. People get their wine from England in two-bottle +parcels. + +Yours as ever, +S. + + * * * * * + +_Tehran. April._--The days pass peacefully and even quickly, which is +odd, for they are singularly idle. I get up about 11 a.m., and am pretty +tired when dressing is finished. Then I sit in the garden and have my +lunch there, and after lunch I lie down for an hour. Presently tea +comes; I watch the Neligans start for their ride, and already I wonder +if I was ever strong and rode! + +It is such an odd jump I have taken. At home I drifted on, never feeling +older, hardly counting birthdays--always brisk, and getting through a +heap of work--beginning my day early and ending it late. And now there +is a great gulf dividing me from youth and old times, and it is filled +with dead people whom I can't forget. + +In the matter of dying one doesn't interfere with Providence, but it +seems to me that _now_ would be rather an appropriate time to depart. I +wish I could give my life for some boy who would like to live very much, +and to whom all things are joyous. But alas! one can't swop lives like +this--at least, I don't see the chance of doing so. + +I should like to have "left the party"--quitted the feast of life--when +all was gay and amusing. I should have been sorry to come away, but it +would have been far better than being left till all the lights are out. +I could have said truly to the Giver of the feast, "Thanks for an +excellent time." But now so many of the guests have left, and the fires +are going out, and I am tired. + +END OF THE DIARY. + + * * * * * + +The rest of the story is soon told. + +Miss Macnaughtan left Tehran about the middle of April. The Persian hot +weather was approaching, and it would have been impossible for her to +travel any later in the season. The long journey seemed a sufficiently +hazardous undertaking for a person in her weak state of health, but in +Dr. Neligan's opinion she would have run an even greater risk by +remaining in Persia during the hot weather. + +[Page Heading: STARTING FOR HOME] + +Dr. Neligan's goodness and kindness to Miss Macnaughtan will always be +remembered by her family, and he seems to have taken an enormous amount +of trouble to make arrangements for her journey home. He found an escort +for her in the shape of an English missionary who was going to +Petrograd, and gave her a pass which enabled her to travel as +expeditiously as possible. The authorities were not allowed to delay or +hinder her. She was much too ill to stop for anything, and drove night +and day--even through a cholera village--to the shores of the Caspian +Sea. + +We know very few details concerning the journey home, and I think my +aunt herself did not remember much about it. One can hardly bear to +think of the suffering it caused her. A few incidents stood out in her +memory from the indeterminate recollection of pain and discomfort in +which most of the expedition was mercifully veiled, and we learnt them +after she returned. + +There was the occasion when she reached the port on the Caspian Sea one +hour after the English boat had sailed. She called it the "English" +boat, but whether it could have belonged to an English company, or was +merely the usual boat run in connection with the train service to +England, I do not know. A "Russian" vessel was due to leave in a couple +of hours' time, but for some reason Miss Macnaughtan was obliged to walk +three-quarters of a mile to get permission to go by it. We can never +forget her piteous description of how she staggered and crawled to the +office and back, so ill that only her iron strength of will could force +her tired body to accomplish the distance. She obtained the necessary +sanction, and started forth once more upon her way. + +She stayed for a week at the British Embassy in Petrograd, where her +escort was obliged to leave her, so the rest of the journey was +undertaken alone. + +We know nothing of how she got to Helsingfors, but I believe it was at +that place that she had to walk some considerable distance over a frozen +lake to reach the ship. She was hobbling along, leaning heavily on two +sticks, and just as she stumbled and almost fell, a young Englishman +came up and offered her his arm. + +In an old diary, written years before in the Argentine, during a time +when Miss Macnaughtan was faced with what seemed overwhelming +difficulties, and when she had in her charge a very sick man, a kind +stranger came to the rescue. Her diary entry for that day is one of +heartfelt gratitude, and ends with the words: "God always sends +someone." + +Certainly at Helsingfors some Protecting Power sent help in a big +extremity, and this young fellow--Mr. Seymour--devoted himself to her +for the rest of the journey in a marvellously unselfish manner. He could +not have been kinder to her if she had been his mother, and he actually +altered all his plans on arriving in England, and brought her to the +very door of her house in Norfolk Street. Without his help I sometimes +wonder whether my aunt would have succeeded in reaching home, and her +own gratitude to him knew no bounds. She used to say that in her +experience if people were in a difficulty and wanted help they ought to +go to a young man for it. She said that young men were the kindest +members of the human race. + +[Page Heading: ARRIVAL IN ENGLAND] + +It was on the 8th of May that Miss Macnaughtan reached home, and her +travels were over for good and all. One is only thankful that the last +weeks of her life were not spent in a foreign land but among her own +people, surrounded by all the care and comfort that love could supply. +Two of her sisters were with her always, and her house was thronged with +visitors, who had to wait their turn of a few minutes by her bedside, +which, alas! were all that her strength allowed. + +She was nursed night and day by her devoted maid, Mary King, as she did +not wish to have a professional nurse; but no skill or care could save +her. The seeds of her illness had probably been sown some years before, +during a shooting trip in Kashmir, and the hard work and strain of the +first year of the war had weakened her powers of resistance. But it was +Russia that killed her. + +Before she went there many of her friends urged her to give up the +expedition. Her maid had a premonition that the enterprise would end in +disaster, and had begged her mistress to stay at home. + +"I feel sure you will never return alive ma'am," she had urged, and Miss +Macnaughtan's first words to her old servant on her return were: "You +were right, Mary. Russia has killed me." + +Miss Macnaughtan rallied a little in June, and was occasionally carried +down to her library for a few hours in the afternoon, but even that +amount of exertion was too much for her. For the last weeks of her life +she never left her room. + +Surely there never was a sweeter or more adorable invalid! I can see her +now, propped up on pillows in a room filled with masses of most +exquisite flowers. She always had things dainty and fragrant about her, +and one had a vision of pale blue ribbons, and soft laces, and lovely +flowers, and then one forgot everything else as one looked at the dear +face framed in such soft grey hair. She looked so fragile that one +fancied she might be wafted away by a summer breeze, and I have never +seen anyone so pale. There was not a tinge of colour in face or hands, +and one kissed her gently for fear that even a caress might be too much +for her waning strength. + +Her patience never failed. She never grumbled or made complaint, and +even in the smallest things her interest and sympathy were as fresh as +ever. A new dress worn by one of her sisters was a pleasure, and she +would plan it, and suggest and admire. + +It was a supreme joy to Miss Macnaughtan to hear, some time in June, +that she had received the honour of being chosen to be a Lady of Grace +of the Order of St. John of Jerusalem. Any recognition of her good work +was an unfailing source of gratification to her sensitive nature, +sensitive alike to praise or blame. + +She was so wonderfully strong in her mind and will that it seemed +impossible in those long June days to believe that she had such a little +time to live. She managed all her own business affairs, personally +dictated or wrote answers to her correspondence, and was full of schemes +for the redecoration of her house and of plans for the future. + +I have only been able to procure three of my aunt's letters written +after her return to England. They were addressed to her eldest sister, +Mrs. ffolliott. I insert them here: + + * * * * * + +[Page Heading: MISS MACNAUGHTAN'S LAST LETTERS] + +1, NORFOLK STREET, +PARK LANE, W. +_Tuesday._ + +MY DEAREST OLD POOT, + +How good of you to write. I was awfully pleased to see a letter from +you. I have been a fearful crock since I got home, and I have to lie in +bed for six weeks and live on milk diet for eight weeks. The illness is +of a tropical nature, and one of the symptoms is that one can't eat, so +one gets fearfully thin. I am something over six stone now, but I was +very much less. + +We were right up on the Persian front, and I went on to Tehran. One saw +some most interesting phases of the war, and met all the distinguished +Generals and such-like people. + +The notice you sent me of my little book is charming. + +Your loving +S. B .M. + + * * * * * + +1, NORFOLK STREET, +PARK LANE, W., +_9 June._ + +DARLING POOT, + +I must thank you myself for the lovely flowers and your kind letters. I +am sure that people's good wishes and prayers do one good. I so nearly +died! + +Your loving +S. M. + + * * * * * + +_17th June_ + +Still getting on pretty well, but it is slow work. Baby and Julia both +in town, so they are constantly here. I am to get up for a little bit +to-morrow. + +Kindest love. It _was_ naughty of you to send more flowers. + +As ever fondly, +SARAH. + + * * * * * + +As the hot weather advanced it was hoped to move Miss Macnaughtan to the +country. Her friends showered invitations on "dear Sally" to come and +convalesce with them, but the plans fell through. It became increasingly +clear that the traveller was about to embark on that last journey from +which there is no return, and, indeed, towards the end her sufferings +were so great that those who loved her best could only pray that she +might not have long to wait. She passed away in the afternoon of Monday, +July 24th, 1916. + +A few days later the body of Sarah Broom Macnaughtan was laid to rest in +the plot of ground reserved for her kinsfolk in the churchyard at Chart +Sutton, in Kent. It is very quiet there up on the hill, the great Weald +stretches away to the south, and fruit-trees surround the Hallowed Acre. +But even as they laid earth to earth and dust to dust in this peaceful +spot the booming of the guns in Flanders broke the quiet of the sunny +afternoon, and reminded the little funeral party that they were indeed +burying one whose life had been sacrificed in the Great War. + +[Page Heading: THE GRAVE IN CHART SUTTON] + +Surely those who pass through the old churchyard will pause by the +grave, with its beautiful grey cross, and the children growing up in the +parish will come there sometimes, and will read and remember the simple +inscription on it: + + "In the Great War, by Word and Deed, at Home and Abroad, + She served her Country even unto Death." + +And if any ghosts hover round the little place, they will be the ghosts +of a purity, a kindness, and of a love for humanity which are not often +met with in this workaday world. + + + + +CONCLUSION + + +Perhaps a review of her war work by an onlooker, and a slight sketch of +Miss Macnaughtan's character, may form an appropriate conclusion to this +book. + +I stayed with my aunt for one night, on August 7th, 1914. One may be +pardoned for saying that during the previous three days one had scarcely +begun to realise the war, but I was recalled by telegram from +Northamptonshire to the headquarters of my Voluntary Aid Detachment in +Kent, and spent a night in town en route, to get uniform, etc. Certainly +at my aunt's house my eyes were opened to a little of what lay before +us. She was on fire with patriotism and a burning wish to help her +country, and I immediately caught some of her enthusiasm. + +Every hour we rushed out to buy papers, every minute seemed consecrated +to preparation for what we could do. There were uniforms to buy, notes +of Red Cross lectures to "rub up," and, in my aunt's case, she was busy +offering her services in every direction in which they could be of use. + +[Page Heading: VOLUNTARY RATIONING] + +Miss Macnaughtan must surely have been one of the first people to begin +voluntary rationing. We had the simplest possible meals during my visit, +and although she was proud of her housekeeping, and usually gave one +rather perfect food, on this occasion she said how impossible it was for +her to indulge in anything but necessaries, when our soldiers would so +soon have to endure hardships of every kind. She said that we ought to +be particularly careful to eat very little meat, because there would +certainly be a shortage of it later on. + +I recollect that there was some hitch about my departure from Norfolk +Street on August 8th. It did not seem clear whether my Voluntary Aid +Detachment was going to provide billets for all recalled members, and I +remember my aunt's absolute scorn of difficulties at such a time. + +"Of course, go straight to Kent and obey orders," she cried. "If you +can't get a bed, come back here; but at least go and see what you can +do." + +That was typical of Miss Macnaughtan. Difficulties did not exist for +her. When quite a young girl she made up her mind that no lack of money, +time, or strength should ever prevent her doing anything she wanted to +do. It certainly never prevented her doing anything she felt she _ought_ +to do. + +The war provided her with a supreme opportunity for service, and she did +not fail to take advantage of it. Of her work in Belgium, especially at +the soup-kitchen, I believe it is impossible to say too much. According +to _The Times_, "The lady with the soup was everything to thousands of +stricken men, who would otherwise have gone on their way fasting." + +Among individual cases, too, there were many men who benefited by some +special care bestowed on them by her. There was one wounded Belgian to +whom my aunt gave my address before she left for Russia that he might +have someone with whom he might correspond. I used to hear from him +regularly, and every letter breathed gratitude to "la dame ecossaise." +He said she had saved his life. + +Miss Macnaughtan's lectures to munition-workers were, perhaps, the best +work that she did during the war. She was a charming speaker, and I +never heard one who got more quickly into touch with an audience. As I +saw it expressed in one of the papers "Stiffness and depression vanished +from any company when she took the platform." Her enunciation was +extraordinarily distinct, and she had an arresting delivery which +compelled attention from the first word to the last. + +She never minced the truth about the war, but showed people at home how +far removed it was from being a "merry picnic." + +"They say recruiting will stop if people know what is going on at the +Front," she used to tell them. "I am a woman, but I know what I would do +if I were a man when I heard of these things. _I would do my durndest._" + +All through her life the idea of personal service appealed to Miss +Macnaughtan. She never sent a message of sympathy or a gift of help +unless it was quite impossible to go herself to the sufferer. + +She was only a girl when she heard of what proved to be the fatal +accident to her eldest brother in the Argentine. She went to him by the +next ship, alone, save for the escort of his old yacht's skipper, and a +journey to the Argentine in those days was a big undertaking for a +delicate young girl. On another occasion she was in Switzerland when +she heard of the death, in Northamptonshire, of a little niece. She left +for England the same day, to go and offer her sympathy, and try to +comfort the child's mother. + +"When I hear of trouble I always go at once," she used to say. + +I have known her drive in her brougham to the most horrible slum in the +East End to see what she could do for a woman who had begged from her in +the street--yes, and go there again and again until she had done all +that was possible to help the sad case. + +[Page Heading: ZEAL TO HELP OTHERS] + +It was this burning zeal to help which sent her to Belgium and carried +her through the long dark winter there, and it was, perhaps, the same +feeling which obscured her judgment when her expedition to Russia was +contemplated. She was a delicate woman, and there did not seem to be +much scope for her services in Russia. She was not a qualified nurse, +and the distance from home, and the handicap of her ignorance of the +Russian language, would probably have prevented her organising anything +like comforts for the soldiers there as she had done in Belgium. To +those of us who loved her the very uselessness of her efforts in Russia +adds to the poignancy of the tragedy of the death which resulted from +them. + +The old question arises: "To what purpose is this waste?" And the old +answer comes still to teach us the underlying meaning and beauty of what +seems to be unnecessary sacrifice: "She hath done what she could." + +Indeed, that epitaph might fitly describe Miss Macnaughtan's war work. +She grudged nothing, she gave her strength, her money, her very life. +The precious ointment was poured out in the service of her King and +Country and for the Master she served so faithfully. + + * * * * * + +I have been looking through some notices which appeared in the press +after Miss Macnaughtan's death. Some of them allude to her wit, her +energy and vivacity, the humour which was "without a touch of cynicism"; +others, to her inexhaustible spirit, her geniality, and the "powers of +sarcasm, which she used with strong reserve." Others, again, see through +to the faith and philosophy which lay behind her humour, "Scottish in +its penetrating tenderness." + +In my opinion my aunt's strongest characteristic was a dazzling purity +of soul, mind, and body. She was a person whose very presence lifted the +tone of the conversation. It was impossible to think of telling her a +nasty story, a "double entendre" fell flat when she was there. She was +the least priggish person in the world, but no one who knew her could +doubt for an instant her transparent goodness. I have read every word of +her diary; there is not in it the record of an ugly thought, or of one +action that would not bear the full light of day. About her books she +used to say that she had tried never to publish one word which her +father would not like her to have written. + +She had a tremendous capacity for affection, and when she once loved +she loved most faithfully. Her devotion to her father and to her eldest +brother influenced her whole life, and it would have been impossible for +those she loved to make too heavy claims on her kindness. + +[Page Heading: SOCIAL CHARM] + +Miss Macnaughtan had great social charm. She was friendly and easy to +know, and she had a wonderful power of finding out the interesting side +of people and of seeing their good points. Her popularity was +extraordinary, although hers was too strong a personality to command +universal affection. Among her friends were people of the most varied +dispositions and circumstances. Distinction of birth, position, or +intellect appealed to her, and she was always glad to meet a celebrity, +but distinction was no passport to her favour unless it was accompanied +by character. To her poorer and humbler friends she was kindness itself, +and she was extraordinarily staunch in her friendships. Nothing would +make her "drop" a person with whom she had once been intimate. + +In attempting to give a character-sketch of a person whose nature was as +complex as Miss Macnaughtan's, one admits defeat from the start. She had +so many interests, so many sides to her character, that it seems +impossible to present them all fairly. Her love of music, literature, +and art was coupled with an enthusiasm for sport, big-game shooting, +riding, travel, and adventure of every kind. She was an ambitious woman, +and a brilliantly clever one, and her clearness of perception and +wonderful intuition gave her a quick grasp of a subject or idea. She had +a thirst for knowledge which made learning easy, but hers was the brain +of the poet and philosopher, not of the mathematician. Accuracy of +thought or information was often lacking. Her imagination led the way, +and left her with a picture of a situation or a subject, but she was +very vague about facts and statistics. As a woman of business she was +shrewd, with all a Scotchwoman's power of looking at both sides of a +bawbee before she spent it, but she was also extraordinarily generous in +a very simple and unostentatious way, and her hospitality was boundless. + +Miss Macnaughtan was almost hypersensitive to criticism. Her intense +desire to do right and to serve her fellow-beings animated her whole +life, and it seemed to her rather hard to be found fault with. Indeed, +she had not many faults, and the defects of her character were mostly +temperamental. + +As a girl she was unpunctual, and subject to fits of indecision when it +seemed impossible for her to make up her mind one way or the other. The +inconvenience caused by her frequent changes of times and plans was +probably not realised by her. Later in life, when she lived so much +alone, she did not always see that difficulties which appeared nothing +to her might be almost insuperable to other people, and that in houses +where there are several members of a family to be considered, no +individual can be quite as free to carry out his own plans as a person +who is independent of family ties. But when one remembered how +splendidly she always responded to any claim on her own kindness one +forgave her for being a little exacting. + +Perhaps Miss Macnaughtan's greatest handicap in life was her immense +capacity for suffering--suffering poignantly, unbearably, not only for +her own sorrows but for the sorrows of others. Only those who appealed +to her in trouble knew the depth of her sympathy, and how absolutely she +shared the burden of the grief. But perhaps they did not always know how +she agonised over their misfortunes, and at what price her sympathy was +given. + +[Page Heading: RELIGIOUS VIEWS] + +My aunt was a passionately religious woman. Her faith was the +inspiration of her whole life, and it is safe to say that from the +smallest to the greatest things there was never a struggle between +conscience and inclination in which conscience was not victorious. As +she grew older, I fancy that she became a less orthodox member of the +Church of England, to which she belonged, but her love for Christ and +for His people never wavered. + +As each Sunday came round during her last illness, when she could not go +to church, she used to say to a very dear sister, "Now, J., we must have +our little service." Then the bedroom door was left ajar, and her sister +would go down to the drawing-room and play the simple hymns they had +sung together in childhood. And on the last Sunday, the day before her +death, when the invalid lay in a stupor and seemed scarcely conscious, +that same dear sister played the old hymns once more, and as the sound +floated up to the room above those who watched there saw a gleam of +pleasure on the dying woman's face. + +My aunt had no fear of death. There had been a time, some weeks before +the end, when her feet had wandered very close to the waters which +divide us from the unknown shore, and she told her sisters afterwards +that she had almost seemed to see over to the "other side," and that so +many of those she loved were waiting for her, and saying, "Come over to +us, Sally. We are all here to welcome you." + +Perhaps just at the last, when her body had grown weak, the journey +seemed rather far, and she clung to earth more closely, but such +weakness was purely physical. The brave spirit was ready to go, and as +the music of her favourite hymn pierced her consciousness when she lay +dying, so surely the words summed up all that she felt or wished to say, +and formed her last prayer in death, as they had been her constant +prayer in life: + + "In death's dark vale I fear no ill + With Thee, dear Lord, beside me; + Thy rod and staff my comfort still, + Thy Cross before to guide me. + + "And so through all the length of days + Thy goodness faileth never; + Good Shepherd, may I sing Thy praise + Within Thy house for ever." + + + + +INDEX + + +Aberdare, 164 + +Aberystwyth, 164 + +Adinkerke, 116; + soup-kitchen, 82, 86, 157; + bombardment, 139 + +Airships, German, over Antwerp, 5, 9; + Dunkirk, 81; + Furnes, 80; + St. Malo-les-Bains, 55; + destroyed, 27, 194 + +Andrews, John, 171 + +Antwerp, 1; + Hospital, 2; + arrival of wounded, 2, 3, 5, 12; + siege, 3-21; + reinforcements, 12, 16; + shelled, 18-21; + retreat of the Marines, 28 + +Arabs, rapid system of communication, 247 + +Ararat, Mount, 230 + +Armenians, massacres of, 209, 214, 217, 228; + refugees, 227; + character, 234 + +Artvin, 211 + +Asquith, Raymond, 183 + +Australians, treatment of the Turks, 177 + + +Bagdad, 247 + +Bagot, Lady, 100; + at St. Malo-les-Bains, 49, 55; + hospital, 104, 113, 114; + arrival of wounded, 144; + entertains them, 147 + +Bailey, Sister, 22, 24 + +Baku, 233, 237 + +Baratoff, General, 240, 241 + +Bark, M., Russian Finance Minister, 195 + +Barrow-in-Furness, lectures by Miss Macnaughtan, 162 + +Bartlett, Ashmead, war correspondent, at Furnes, 35 + +Batoum, 208, 213 + +"Beau Garde," farm, 140 + +Bedford, Adeline, Duchess of, 59 + +Belgians, King of the, 141 + +Belgians, Queen of the, visits the Hospital at Furnes, 38 + +Benjamin, Miss, 2, 20 + +Bernoff, General, 208, 209 + +_Bessheim_, the, 179 + +Bevan, Mr., at Furnes, 80, 83; + Calais, 86; + Nieuport, 151; + Christiania, 179; + Stockholm, 180; + Baku, 231, 233 + +Bible, the, a Universal Human Document, 101 + +Boulderoff, M., 216 + +Boulogne, 55; + wounded at, 114 + +Bray, Mrs., 192 + +British man-of-war, 125 + +Brockville, Mr., at Dixmude, 35 + +Brooke, Victor, 178 + +Buchanan, Sir George, Ambassador at Petrograd, 184 + +Buchanan, Lady Georgina, at Petrograd, 184; + soup-kitchen, 192; + work-party, 196 + +Bute Docks, 171 + + +Cabour hospital, 151 + +Calais, 83, 86 + +Cardiff, lecture by Miss Macnaughtan, 164, 167-171 + +Cardiff Castle, 163 + +Carlile, Mr., 120 + +Caspian Sea, 265 + +Caucasia, 210 + +Cavell, Miss, execution, 186 + +Cazalet, Mr., 207 + +Chart Sutton, churchyard at, 270 + +Chenies, 160 + +Children wounded, 116, 118 + +Chimay, Countess de Caraman, dame d'honneur of the Queen of the + Belgians, 139 + +Chisholm, Miss, 26, 63 + +Christiania, 179 + +Churchill, Winston, at Antwerp, 12, 16; + Dunkirk, 44 + +Clarry, Mr. G., President of the Cardiff Chamber of Trade, 170 + +Clegg, Mr., 105, 143 + +Clitheroe, Mrs., 86, 93 + +Close, Miss Etta, barge, 97, 126, 135; + work for the refugees, 140 + +Cocks, W., 171 + +Constant, Count Stanislas, 213 + +Cooper, Mr., 115 + +Courage, definition of, 24 + +Coventry, Mr., 112 + +Cowan{12}, Mr., Consul at Hamadan, 241, 246 + +Coxide, bombardment of, 69; + refugees at, 138 + +Crawley, Eustace, 178 + +Cunard, Mr., 198 + +Cunliffe, Miss, 2 + +Curie, Mme., at Furnes, 68 + +Cyril, Grand Duchess, 205 + + +Decies, Lady, 55 + +Decker, Mrs., 26 + +Denniss, Colonel, 164; + speech at the Bute Docks, 171 + +Derfelden, Mme., 236 + +Dick, Miss, 2 + +Dinant, atrocities of the Germans at, 137 + +Dixmude, 127; + bombardment, 35, 39 + +Donnisthorpe, Miss, 2, 22 + +Drogheda, Lady, 97 + +Dunkirk, 25, 43, 57, 73, 86, 87, 94, 123, 151; + arrival of wounded, 44; + bombs on, 81; + condition of the station, 96; + shelled by the Germans, 115 + + +Elliot, Lady Eileen, at Boulogne, 58 + +Elliott, Maxine, 94, 97, 126 + +Enzeli, 238 + +Erivan, 225, 227 + +Etchmiadzin, 229 + + +Ferdinand, King of Bulgaria, 195 + +ffolliott, Mrs., letters from Miss Macnaughtan, 131, 269, 270 + +Fielding, Lady Dorothy, 12, 26, 63 + +Findlay, Mr., 82 + +Fisher, S., 171 + +France, armament works, 149 + +French, Sir John, at Dunkirk, 44 + +Frere, Sir Bartle, at Furnes, 68 + +Furley, Sir John, 112 + +Furnes hospital, 33; + arrival of wounded, 37, 68; + evacuated, 41, 43; + hopeless cases, 46; + soup-kitchen, 60; + shelled by the Germans, 75, 86, 122; + bombs on, 80, 81 + +Fyfe, Miss, 43 + + +Galicia, fighting in, 223 + +Galitzin, Prince, 208 + +Gas, asphyxiating, cases of, 114, 145, 171 + +Georgia, 211; + custom at, 213 + +German army, siege of Antwerp, 3-21; + driven back, 18{13}; + two regiments surrounded, 121; + atrocities, 126, 132, 137, 138; + throw vitriol, 144 + +Germany, preparations for war, 30; + treatment of prisoners, 132 + +Ghent, 12 + +Gibbs, Mr., war correspondent, at Furnes, 35 + +Gienst, Mme. van der, 143 + +Gilbert, 34 + +Glade, Mr., 2 + +Glasgow, munition works, output, 149, 161; + lectures by Miss Macnaughtan, 163 + +Gleeson, Mr., 33, 35 + +Glover, Bandmaster, K. S., 170 + +Godfrey, Miss, 2 + +Goodwin, Mr. and Mrs., 239 + +Gordon, Dr., American Missionary, 208 + +Gorlebeff, head of the Russian Red Cross, 208, 221, 222 + +Graham, Stephen, book on Russia, 208 + +Groholski, Count, 210, 218 + +Guest, Mrs., at Adinkerke, 119 + + +Hamadan, 240; + climate, 243, 247; + tombs, 252 + +Hambro, Mr. Eric, 182 + +Hanson, Dr., 2, 23 + +Hanson, Mr., Vice-Consul at Constantinople, at Dunkirk, 151 + +Haparanda, 182 + +Harrison, Mr., 164 + +Haye, M. de la, 139, 140 + +Helsingfors, 266 + +_Hermes_, the, torpedoed, 43 + +Herslet, Sir Cecil, Surgeon-General, at Antwerp, 9 + +Hills, Mr., American missionary, 208, 222 + +Holland, Mr., 88 + +Hoogstadt, 87; + wounded at, 121 + +Hope, A., 171 + +Howard, Lady Isobel, 181 + +Howse, Mr., 164 + + +Ignatieff, M., 237 + +_Invicta_, the, 43, 52 + + +Jecquier, M., 195 + +Joffre, Marshal, at Dunkirk, 44 + +Joos, Dr., 77; + villa at Furnes, 48, 79 + +Joos, Mme., 77 + + +Kajura, 236 + +Kasvin, 239, 259 + +Keays-Young, Mrs., letters from Miss Macnaughtan, 3, 106, 166, 262 + +Keays-Young, Miss Julia, letters from Miss Macnaughtan, 217, 262 + +King, Mary, 267; + letters from Miss Macnaughtan, 63, 109 + +Kirsanoff, Mme., 241 + +Kitchener, Lord, at Dunkirk, 44 + +Kluck, General von, at Mons, 133 + +Knocker, Mrs., 45, 63, 155 + + +La Bassee, British casualties at, 107 + +Lampernesse, church shelled, 67 + +La Panne, 87, 93, 97 + +Lazarienne, Mr., 229 + +Leigh, Lord, 94 + +Lennel, 163 + +Lepnakoff{14}, Mlle., 233 + +Lightfoot, Mr., at Hamadan, 241, 246, 252 + +Lindsay, Harry, 183 + +Lloyd, Sir F., 162 + +Lloyd, George, 195 + +Logan, Miss, 87 + +Logette, Mrs., 72 + +Lombaertzyde, farm at, 138 + +Lombard, Mr., 190 + +_Lusitania_ torpedoed, 123 + + +McDonald, gunner, wounded, 118, 124 + +MacDonald{15}, Mr. Ramsay, 73 + +MacDonell, Consul, at Baku, 237 + +McDowal, Mr., 241 + +McLaren, Mr. and Mrs., 238 + +McLean, Mr., 241, 248 + +MacMurray, Mr., 241, 248 + +Macnaughtan, Lieut. Colin, 144 + +Macnaughtan, Sarah, at Antwerp 1; + work in the Hospital, 8; + incentive to keep up, 17; + leaves Antwerp, 21; + at Ostend, 22; + joins Dr. Munro's convoy, 25; + at Dunkirk, 25, 43, 57, 73, 86; + St. Malo-les-Bains, 26, 49; + Furnes, 34-43, 46, 57; + flight to Poperinghe, 43; + description of the ruins of Nieuport, 46, 152-155; + request for travelling-kitchens, 51, 58; + visits her nephew at Boulogne, 55-57; + starts a soup-kitchen, 59-61; + feeding the wounded, 61, 69; + "charette," 69; + at the Villa Joos, 72, 77; + attends a Church service, 74; + return to England, 83, 111, 157, 267; + at Rayleigh House, 85; + soup-kitchen at Adinkerke, 86, 116, 157; + illness, 87, 104, 207, 245, 256, 259-264, 267-270; + at La Panne, 93, 111; + publication of war book, 111; + difficulties in getting her passport, 112; + at Boulogne, 114; + presented with a car, 120; + at Poperinghe, 135; + method of relieving cases of poison gas, 145, 171; + lectures on the war, 160-174, 274; + at Lennel, 163; + Cardiff Castle, 163; + Chevalier de l'Ordre de Leopold conferred, 167; + journey to Russia, 179-183; + at Christiania, 179; + Stockholm, 180; + Petrograd, 183-204, 265; + waiting for work, 191-198, 218; + studies Russian, 193; + works in a hospital, 198; + at Moscow, 204; + Tiflis, 208-210, 214, 230; + delicate appearance, 208; + at Caucasia, 210; + entertained by the Grand Duke Nicholas, 215; + on the administration of war charities, 219-222; + lessons in French, 224; + buys a motor-car, 224; + journey to Erivan, 225-227; + car breaks down, 225; + festered fingers, 234; + at Baku, 237; + Resht, 238; + Kasvin, 239, 259; + Hamadan, 240-257; + a day on the Persian front, 247-249; + unfinished article on Persia, 249-252; + _Return of the Pilgrim_, 253-256; + Tehran, 260-264; + journey home, 264-266; + at Helsingfors, 266; + appearance, 268; + appointed Lady of Grace of the Order of St. John of Jerusalem, 268; + death, 270, 280; + funeral, 270; + review of her war work, 272-276; + ideal of personal service, 274; + sketch of her character, 276-279; + religious views, 279 + +Malcolm, Colonel Ian, at Boulogne, 58; + Petrograd, 183; + at Moscow, 204 + +Malokand settlement, 226 + +Manners, Lady Diana, 183 + +Marines, British, at Antwerp, 12, 16; + retreat from, 28 + +Marines, French, 105{16} + +Maxwell, Lady Heron, 185 + +Millis, General, 87 + +Mons, retreat from, 133; + vision at, 133 + +Montgomerie, Miss, American missionary at Hamadan, 252 + +Moorhouse, Rhodes, heroism, 129 + +Morgan, Mr., 83, 86 + +Morris, Dr., 2 + +Moscow, 204 + +Motono, M., at Petrograd, 195 + +Munitions, shortage of, 148 + +Munro, Dr. Hector, 12; + convoy, 25, 90; + at Dixmude, 35; + knocked over by a shell, 49 + +Murat, Prince Napoleon, 218, 231, 233 + +Murray, Mr. John, xii + +Musaloff, Princess, 231 + + +Needle, Mr., 164 + +Neligan, Dr., care of Miss Macnaughtan, 260, 263, 264 + +Neuve Chapelle, ruins of, 123 + +Neva, the, 200 + +Nevinson, Mr., at Furnes, 38 + +Nicholas, Grand Duke, 215 + +Nieuport, 71, 151; + ruins of, 46, 123, 152-155 + +Nightingale, song of the, 155-157 + +Nightingale, Florence, 184 + +Northcote, Elsie, 182; + death, 183 + + +Ochterlony, gunner, wounded, 118 + +O'Gormon, Mrs., 16 + +Oostkerke, Belgian "observateur" killed at, 153 + +Orloff, Prince, 208; + appearance, 219 + +Ostend, 22, 24 + +Oulieheff, Count, 210 + + +Page, Dr. de, 118 + +Parsons, Johnny{17}, 192 + +Passport, difficulties, 112 + +Percival, Mrs. Charles, letters from Miss Macnaughtan, 65, 242-245 + +Perrin, Dr., 86, 87 + +Perry, Miss, 2 + +Persia, climate, 239, 249; + railway, 247; + system of administration, 251; + unfinished article on, 249-252 + +Pervyse, 63, 64; + bombardment, 81; + ruins of, 123 + +Peter, Grand Duke, 215 + +Petrograd, 183, 187, 206, 265; + climate, 194; + number of amputation cases, 198; + return of wounded prisoners, 201-203; + number of hospitals, 220 + +Philpotts, Mr., 186 + +_Pilgrim, Return of the_, 253-256 + +"Pinching," habit of, 98 + +Poincare, M., at Dunkirk, 44 + +Polish refugees, at Petrograd, 192, 193 + +Pont, Major du, 138 + +Poperinghe, 43, 135-137; + shelled, 116 + +Powell, Miss Hilda, xii + +Prisoners, German, treatment in England, 132 + + +Queen's Hall, London, lecture by Miss Macnaughtan, 162 + + +Radstock, Lord, anecdote of, 197 + +Ramsay, Sir William, on the result of the war, 149 + +Ramsey, Dr., 2, 22 + +Randell, Miss, 2 + +Rasputin, malign influence, 209 + +Rayleigh House, 85 + +Reading, Mr. "Dick," 42 + +Rees{18}, T. Vivian, 164, 171 + +Resht, 238 + +Rhondda Valley, 164 + +Richards, Alderman J. T., speech at Cardiff, 167 + +Roberts, Lord, death, 63, 111 + +Rocky Mountains, 182 + +Rotsartz, M., 125; + portrait of Miss Macnaughtan, 104 + +Rushton Hall, Kettering, 160 + +Russian army, return of wounded prisoners to Petrograd, 201-203 + + +St. Clair, Miss, 12 + +St. Gilles, convent at, 22 + +St. Idesbald, 150 + +St. Malo-les-Bains, 26, 49; + wounded at, 50 + +Samson, Commander, 88 + +Sarrel, Mr., 151 + +Sawyer, Mr., 112 + +Sazonoff, Mme., 200 + +Scherbatoff, Princess Helene, 197 + +Scott, Lord Francis, at Boulogne, 58 + +Scott, Mr., 238 + +Scott, Miss, 82 + +Secher, Mr., wounded, 49 + +Seymour, Mr., kindness to Miss Macnaughtan, 266 + +Shaw, Bernard, 189 + +Sheffield, lecture by Miss Macnaughtan, 162 + +Shoppe, Lieutenant, 132; + at Nieuport, 153 + +"Should the Germans come," lecture on, 171-173 + +Sim, 178 + +Sindici, Mme.{19}, 83, 86 + +Slippers for the wounded, 66, 98 + +Smith, Captain, 198 + +Smith, Mr. Lancelot, 182 + +Smith, Mr. Robinson, 171, 173 + +Smitkin, Dr., 259 + +Sommerville, Mr. R., xii + +Soup-kitchen at Adinkerke, 82, 97, 157; + Furnes, 60 + +Spies, German, shot, 44, 186 + +Stanley, Miss, 2 + +Stanmore, Lord, 183 + +Stear, Miss, 4 + +Steen, Mme. van den, 137 + +Steenkerke, 122, 155 + +Stenning, Mr., xii + +Stobart, Mrs. St. Clair, head of the hospital unit at Antwerp, 2; + office, 7, 10; + issues orders, 18; + leaves Antwerp, 21; + return to England, 22 + +Stockholm, 180 + +Stoney, Dr. F., 2 + +"Stories and Pictures of the War," lecture on, 167 + +Streatfield, Mr., 74 + +Stretchers, size of, 66, 69 + +Strickland, Mr., 87 + +Strutt, Emily, 85 + +Strutt, Neville, 178 + +Sutherland, Duchess of, 93; + hospital at St. Malo-les-Bains, 44 + +Sweden, Crown Prince of, 181 + +Sweden, Crown Princess of, appearance, 181 + + +Taff river, 164 + +Takmakoff, Mme., 200, 203 + +Tapp, Mr., 64 + +Teck, Prince Alexander of, 141; + at Furnes, 75, 83 + +Tehran, 260 + +Thompson, Mr., 138 + +Tiflis, 208, 214, 230 + +Tonepentre, 164 + +Toney Pandy, 164 + +Travelling-kitchens, 51 + +Tree, Viola, 183 + +Tschelikoff, Prince, 233{20} + +Turks, cruelties, 177, 209 + +Turner, Dr. Rose, 2 + +Tyrell, Major, 151 + +Tysczkievez{21}, Count, 222 + + +Urumiyah, evacuated, 223 + + +Vaughan, Miss, at Furnes, 68 + +Vickers-Maxim works, Erith, lecture by Miss Macnaughtan, 160 + +Victoria, Grand Duchess, 185 + +Villiers, Sir Francis, British Minister at Antwerp, 9 + +Vladikavkas, 207 + + +Wales, 163 + +Walker, Colonel, 112 + +Walter, Mr. Hubert, 143 + +Walton, Colonel, 176 + +War,{22} charities, administration, 219-222; + cost of the, 104; + cruelties, 175-178; + result, 115; + souvenirs, 143 + +Wardepett, Bishop, 229 + +Ware, Mr. F., 85 + +Waring, Lady Clementine, letters from Miss Macnaughtan, 50-52, 58, 260; + at Lennel, 163 + +Warship, British, shelled by the Germans, 105 + +Watts, Dr., 2 + +Welwyn, 160 + +Westminster{23}, Duke of, at Dixmude, 127 + +Whiting, Captain, 73 + +William II., Emperor of Germany, supposed conversion to +Mahomedanism{24}, 209 + +William, Capt. Rhys, 239 + +Williams, Mr. Hume, 223 + +Wilson, Dr., 69, 225 + +Wilson, 178 + +Wood, Mr., 119, 121 + +Wynne, Mrs., 132, 140; + at Christiania, 179; + Moscow, 205; + Baku, 231 + + +Young, Capt. Alan, at Boulogne, 55; + experiences in the war, 56; + wounded, 57 + +Young, Mrs. Charles, letter from Miss Macnaughtan, 214 + +Younghusband, Sir Frank, 164; + speech at Cardiff, 169 + +Ypres, 114, 137; + battle at, 144, 146 + +Yser, the, 64, 71, 121, 141 + + +Billing and Sons, Ltd., Printers, Guildford, England + + + + * * * * * + + + +Transcriber's corrections and comments: + + 1. Added period missing in original. + + 2. Added comma missing in original. + + 3. Original had "Rotsarzt"; changed to "Rotsartz" to be consistent + with later occurrences. + + 4. Original had "vise"; changed to "vise". + + 5. Original had "pasport"; changed to "passport". + + 6. Original had "...road to Calais s blocked..."; changed to + "...road to Calais is blocked...". + + 7. Note inconsistency in spelling: text has "Reece", index has + "Rees". + + 8. Note inconsistency in spelling: text has "Johnnie", index has + "Johnny". + + 9. Changed from comma in original to period. + + 10. Note inconsistency in spelling: text has "Tysczkievcz", index has + "Tysczkievez"; most likely meant to be the Polish name + "Tyszkiewicz". + + 11. Added period missing in original. + + 12. Original had "Cowen"; changed to "Cowan", which is the spelling + used in both instances in the text. + + 13. Original reference to page 10; changed to page 18, as this + contains the actual reference to the German army being driven + back. + + 14. Original had "Lipnakoff"; changed to "Lepnakoff" as the more + likely spelling and to be consistent with the text. + + 15. Original had "Macdonald"; changed to "MacDonald". + + 16. Original reference to page 165; changed to page 105, as this + contains the actual reference to the French Marines. + + 17. Note inconsistency in spelling: text has "Johnnie", index has + "Johnny". + + 18. Note inconsistency in spelling: text has "Reece", index has + "Rees". + + 19. Added period missing in original. + + 20. Removed comma that was superfluous in the original. + + 21. Note inconsistency in spelling: text has "Tysczkievcz", index has + "Tysczkievez"; most likely meant to be the Polish name + "Tyszkiewicz". + + 22. Added comma missing in original. + + 23. Original had "Westminister"; changed to "Westminster". + + 24. Original had "Mahommedanism"; changed to "Mahomedanism" to be + consistent with the text. + + + +***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MY WAR EXPERIENCES IN TWO +CONTINENTS*** + + +******* This file should be named 18364.txt or 18364.zip ******* + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/1/8/3/6/18364 + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. 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