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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Operation R.S.V.P., by Henry Beam Piper
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Operation R.S.V.P.
+
+Author: Henry Beam Piper
+
+Release Date: April 26, 2006 [EBook #18261]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OPERATION R.S.V.P. ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Greg Weeks, Sankar Viswanathan, and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+                         Transcriber's Note:
+This etext was produced from Amazing Stories January 1951. Extensive
+research did not uncover any evidence that the copyright on this
+publication was renewed.
+
+
+
+
+                           [Illustration:]
+
+                          OPERATION R.S.V.P.
+
+
+
+                                  By
+
+                             H. Beam Piper
+
+
+
+
+_Vladmir N. Dzhoubinsky, Foreign Minister, Union of East European
+Soviet Republics, to Wu Fung Tung, Foreign Minister, United Peoples'
+Republics of East Asia_:
+
+
+15 Jan. 1984
+
+Honored Sir:
+
+Pursuant to our well known policy of exchanging military and
+scientific information with the Government, of friendly Powers, my
+Government takes great pleasure in announcing the completely
+successful final tests of our new nuclear-rocket guided missile
+_Marxist Victory_. The test launching was made from a position south
+of Lake Balkash; the target was located in the East Siberian Sea.
+
+In order to assist you in appreciating the range of the new guided
+missile _Marxist Victory_, let me point out that the distance from
+launching-site to target is somewhat over 50 percent greater than the
+distance from launching-site to your capital, Nanking.
+
+My Government is still hopeful that your Government will revise its
+present intransigeant position on the Khakum River dispute.
+
+I have the honor, etc., etc., etc.,
+
+V. N. Dzhoubinsky
+
+[Illustration:]
+
+
+
+
+_Wu Fung Tung, to Vladmir N. Dzhoubinsky_:
+
+
+7 Feb., 1984
+
+Estimable Sir:
+
+My Government was most delighted to learn of the splendid triumph of
+your Government in developing the new guided missile _Marxist
+Victory_, and at the same time deeply relieved. We had, of course,
+detected the release of nuclear energy incident to the test, and
+inasmuch as it had obviously originated in the disintegration of a
+quantity of Uranium 235, we had feared that an explosion had occurred
+at your Government's secret uranium plant at Khatanga. We have long
+known of the lax security measures in effect at this plant, and have,
+as a consequence, been expecting some disaster there.
+
+I am therefore sure that your Government will be equally gratified to
+learn of the perfection, by my Government, of our own new guided
+missile _Celestial Destroyer_, which embodies, in greatly improved
+form, many of the features of your own Government's guided missile
+_Marxist Victory_. Naturally, your own scientific warfare specialists
+have detected the release of energy incident to the explosion of our
+own improved thorium-hafnium interaction bomb; this bomb was exploded
+over the North Polar ice cap, about two hundred miles south of the
+Pole, on about 35 degrees East Longitude, almost due north of your
+capital city of Moscow. The launching was made from a site in Thibet.
+
+Naturally, my Government cannot deviate from our present just and
+reasonable attitude in the Khakum River question. Trusting that your
+Government will realize this, I have the honor to be,
+
+Your obedient and respectful servant,
+
+Wu Fung Tung
+
+
+
+
+_From N. Y. TIMES, Feb. 20, 1984:_
+
+AFGHAN RULER FETED AT NANKING
+
+Ameer Shere Ali Abdallah Confers
+
+With
+
+UPREA Pres. Sung Li-Yin
+
+
+
+
+_UEESR Foreign Minister Dzhoubinsky to Maxim G. Krylenkoff, Ambassador
+at Nanking:_
+
+
+3 March, 1984
+
+Comrade Ambassador:
+
+It is desired that you make immediate secret and confidential repeat
+secret and confidential inquiry as to the whereabouts of Dr. Dimitri
+O. Voronoff, the noted Soviet rocket expert, designer of the new
+guided missile _Marxist Victory_, who vanished a week ago from the
+Josef Vissarionovitch Djugashvli Reaction-Propulsion Laboratories at
+Molotovgorod. It is feared in Government circles that this noted
+scientist has been abducted by agents of the United Peoples' Republics
+of East Asia, possibly to extract from him, under torture, information
+of a secret technical nature.
+
+As you know, this is but the latest of a series of such
+disappearances, beginning about five years ago, when the Khakum River
+question first arose.
+
+Your utmost activity in this matter is required.
+
+Dzhoubinsky
+
+
+
+
+_Ambassador Krylenkoff to Foreign Minister Dzhoubinsky:_
+
+
+9 March, 1984
+
+Comrade Foreign Minister:
+
+Since receipt of yours of 3/3/'84, I have been utilizing all resources
+at my disposal in the matter of the noted scientist D. O. Voronoff,
+and availing myself of all sources of information, e.g., spies, secret
+agents, disaffected elements of the local population, and including
+two UPREA Cabinet Ministers on my payroll. I regret to report that
+results of this investigation have been entirely negative. No one here
+appears to know anything of the whereabouts of Dr. Voronoff.
+
+At the same time, there is considerable concern in UPREA Government
+circles over the disappearances of certain prominent East Asian
+scientists, e.g.. Dr. Hong Foo, the nuclear physicist; Dr. Hin
+Yang-Woo, the great theoretical mathematician; Dr. Mong Shing, the
+electronics expert. I am informed that UPREA Government sources are
+attributing these disappearances to us.
+
+I can only say that I am sincerely sorry that this is not the case.
+
+Krylenkoff
+
+
+
+
+_Wu Fung Tung to Vladmir N. Dzhoubinsky:_
+
+
+21 April, 1984
+
+Estimable Sir:
+
+In accordance with our established policy of free exchange with
+friendly Powers of scientific information, permit me to inform your
+Government that a new mutated disease-virus has been developed in our
+biological laboratories, causing a highly contagious disease similar
+in symptoms to bubonic plague, but responding to none of the
+treatments for this latter disease. This new virus strain was
+accidentally produced in the course of some experiments with
+radioactivity.
+
+In spite of the greatest care, it is feared that this virus has spread
+beyond the laboratory in which it was developed. We warn you most
+urgently of the danger that it may have spread to the UEESR; enclosed
+are a list of symptoms, etc.
+
+My Government instructs me to advise your Government that the attitude
+of your Government in the Khakum River question is utterly
+unacceptable, and will require considerable revision before my
+Government can even consider negotiation with your Government on the
+subject. Your obedient and respectful servant,
+
+Wu Fung Tung
+
+
+
+
+_From N. Y. Times, May 12, 1984:_
+
+AFGHAN RULER FETED AT
+
+MOSCOW
+
+Ameer sees Red Square Troop Review;
+
+Confers with Premier-President Mouzorgin
+
+
+
+
+_Sing Yat, UPREA Ambassador at Moscow, to Wu Fung Tung:_
+
+
+26 June, 1984
+
+Venerable and Honored Sir:
+
+I regret humbly that I can learn nothing whatever about the fate of
+the learned scholars of science of whom you inquire, namely: Hong Foo,
+Hin Yang-Woo, Mong Shing, Yee Ho Li, Wong Fat, and Bao Hu-Shin. This
+inability may be in part due to incompetence of my unworthy self, but
+none of my many sources of information, including Soviet Minister of
+Police Morgodoff, who is on my payroll, can furnish any useful data
+whatever. I am informed, however, that the UEESR Government is deeply
+concerned about similar disappearances of some of the foremost of
+their own scientists, including Voronoff, Jirnikov, Kagorinoff,
+Bakhorin, Himmelfarber and Pavlovinsky, all of whose dossiers are on
+file with our Bureau of Foreign Intelligence. I am further informed
+that the Government of the UEESR ascribes these disappearances to our
+own activities.
+
+Ah, Venerable and Honored Sir, if this were only true!
+
+Kindly condescend to accept compliments of,
+
+Sing Yat
+
+
+
+
+_Dzhoubinsky to Wu Fung Tung:_
+
+
+6 October, 1984
+
+Honored Sir:
+
+Pursuant to our well known policy of exchanging scientific information
+with the Governments of friendly Powers, my Government takes the
+greatest pleasure in announcing a scientific discovery of inestimable
+value to the entire world. I refer to nothing less than a positive
+technique for liquidating rats as a species.
+
+This technique involves treatment of male rats with certain types of
+hard radiations, which not only renders them reproductively sterile
+but leaves the rodents so treated in full possession of all other
+sexual functions and impulses. Furthermore, this condition of
+sterility is venereally contagious, so that one male rat so treated
+will sterilize all female rats with which it comes in contact, and
+these, in turn, will sterilize all male rats coming in contact with
+them. Our mathematicians estimate that under even moderately favorable
+circumstances, the entire rat population of the world could be
+sterilized from one male rat in approximately two hundred years.
+
+Rats so treated have already been liberated in the granaries at
+Odessa; in three months, rat-trappings there have fallen by 26.4
+percent, and grain-losses to rats by 32.09 percent.
+
+We are shipping you six dozen sterilized male rats, which you can use
+for sterilization stock, and, by so augmenting their numbers, may
+duplicate our own successes.
+
+Curiously enough, this effect of venereally contagious sterility was
+discovered quite accidentally, in connection with the use of hard
+radiations for human sterilization (criminals, mental defectives,
+etc.). Knowing the disastrous possible effects of an epidemic of
+contagious human sterility, all persons so sterilized were liquidated
+as soon as the contagious nature of their sterility had been
+discovered, with the exception of a dozen or so convicts, who had been
+released before this discovery was made. It is believed that at least
+some of them have made their way over the border and into the
+territory of the United Peoples' Republics of East Asia. I must
+caution your Government to be on the lookout of them. Among a people
+still practicing ancestor-worship, an epidemic of sterility would be a
+disaster indeed.
+
+My Government must insist that your Government take some definite step
+toward the solution of the Khakum River question; the present position
+of the Government of the United Peoples' Republics of East Asia on
+this subject is utterly unacceptable to the Government of the Union of
+East European Soviet Republics, and must be revised very considerably.
+
+I have the honor, etc., etc.,
+
+Vladmir N. Dzhoubinsky
+
+
+
+
+_Coded radiogram, Dzhoubinsky to Krylenkoff:_
+
+25 OCTOBER, 1984
+
+ASCERTAIN IMMEDIATELY CAUSE OF RELEASE OF NUCLEAR ENERGY VICINITY OF
+NOVA ZEMBLA THIS AM
+
+DZHOUBINSKY
+
+
+_Coded radiogram, Wu Fung Tung to Sing Yat:_
+
+25 OCTOBER, 1984
+
+ASCERTAIN IMMEDIATELY CAUSE OF RELEASE OF NUCLEAR ENERGY VICINITY OF
+NOVA ZEMBLA THIS AM
+
+WU
+
+
+
+
+_Letter from the Ameer of Afghanistan to UEESR Premier-President
+Mouzorgin and UPREA President Sung Li-Yin:_
+
+
+26 October, 1984
+
+SHERE ALI ABDALLAH, Ameer of Afghanistan, Master of Kabul, Lord of
+Herat and Kandahar, Keeper of Khyber Pass, Defender of the True Faith,
+Servant of the Most High and Sword-Hand of the Prophet; Ph.D.
+(Princeton); Sc.B. (Massachusetts Institute of Technology); M.A.
+(Oxford): to their Excellencies A.A. Mouzorgin, Premier-President of
+the Union of East European Soviet Republics, and Sung Li-Yin,
+President of the United Peoples' Republics of East Asia,
+
+Greetings, in the name of Allah!
+
+For the past five years, I have watched, with growing concern, the
+increasing tensions between your Excellencies' respective Governments,
+allegedly arising out of the so-called Khakum River question. It is my
+conviction that this Khakum River dispute is the utterly fraudulent
+device by which both Governments hope to create a pretext for the
+invasion of India, each ostensibly to rescue that unhappy country from
+the rapacity of the other. Your Excellencies must surely realize that
+this is a contingency which the Government of the Kingdom of
+Afghanistan cannot and will not permit; it would mean nothing short of
+the national extinction of the Kingdom of Afghanistan, and the
+enslavement of the Afghan people.
+
+Your Excellencies will recall that I discussed this matter most
+urgently on the occasions of my visits to your respective capitals of
+Moscow and Nanking, and your respective attitudes, on those occasions,
+has firmly convinced me that neither of your Excellencies is by nature
+capable of adopting a rational or civilized attitude toward this
+question. It appears that neither of your Excellencies has any
+intention of abandoning your present war of mutual threats and
+blackmail until forced to do so by some overt act on the part of one
+or the other of your Excellencies' Governments, which would result in
+physical war of pan-Asiatic scope and magnitude. I am further
+convinced that this deplorable situation arises out of the
+megalomaniac ambitions of the Federal Governments of the UEESR and the
+UPREA, respectively, and that the different peoples of what you
+unblushingly call your "autonomous" republics have no ambitions
+except, on a rapidly diminishing order of probability, to live out
+their natural span of years in peace. Therefore:
+
+     _In the name of ALLAH, the Merciful, the Compassionate: We,
+     Shere Ali Abdallah, Ameer of Afghanistan, etc., do decree
+     and command that the political entities known as the Union
+     of East European Soviet Republics and the United Peoples'
+     Republics of East Asia respectively are herewith abolished
+     and dissolved into their constituent autonomous republics,
+     each one of which shall hereafter enjoy complete sovereignty
+     within its own borders as is right and proper._
+
+Now, in case either of you gentlemen feel inclined to laugh this off,
+let me remind you of the series of mysterious disappearances of some
+of the most noted scientists of both the UEESR and the UPREA, and let
+me advise your Excellencies that these scientists are now residents
+and subjects of the Kingdom of Afghanistan, and are here engaged in
+research and development work for my Government. These gentlemen were
+not abducted, as you gentlemen seem to believe; they came here of
+their own free will, and ask nothing better than to remain here, where
+they are treated with dignity and honor, given material
+rewards--riches, palaces, harems, retinues of servants, etc.--and are
+also free from the intellectual and ideological restraints which make
+life so intolerable in your respective countries to any man above the
+order of intelligence of a cretin. In return for these benefactions,
+these eminent scientists have developed, for my Government, certain
+weapons. For example:
+
+1.) A nuclear-rocket guided missile, officially designated as the
+_Sword of Islam_, vastly superior to your Excellencies' respective
+guided missiles _Marxist Victory_ and _Celestial Destroyer_. It should
+be; it was the product of the joint efforts of Dr. Voronoff and Dr.
+Bao Hu-Shin, whom your Excellencies know.
+
+2.) A new type of radar-radio-electronic defense screen, which can not
+only detect the approach of a guided missile, at any velocity
+whatever, but will automatically capture and redirect same. In case
+either of your Excellencies doubt this statement, you are invited to
+aim a rocket at some target in Afghanistan and see what happens.
+
+3.) Both the UPREA mutated virus and the UEESR contagious sterility,
+with positive vaccines against the former and means of instrumental
+detection of the latter.
+
+4.) A technique for initiating and controlling the Bethe
+carbon-hydrogen cycle. We are now using this as a source of heat for
+industrial and even domestic purposes, and we also have a
+carbon-hydrogen cycle bomb. Such a bomb, delivered by one of our
+_Sword of Islam_ Mark IV's, was activated yesterday over the Northern
+tip of Nova Zembla, at an altitude of four miles. I am enclosing
+photographic reproductions of views of this test, televised to Kabul
+by an accompanying _Sword of Islam_ Mark V observation rocket. I am
+informed that expeditions have been sent by both the UEESR and the
+UPREA to investigate; they should find some very interesting
+conditions. For one thing, they won't need their climbing equipment to
+get over the Nova Zembla Glacier; the Nova Zembla Glacier isn't there,
+any more.
+
+5.) A lithium bomb. This has not been tested, yet. A lithium bomb is
+nothing for a country the size of Afghanistan to let off inside its
+own borders. We intend making a test with it within the next ten days,
+however If your Excellencies will designate a target, which must be at
+the center of an uninhabited area at least five hundred miles square,
+the test can be made in perfect safety. If not, I cannot answer the
+results; that will be in the hands of Allah, Who has ordained all
+things. No doubt Allah has ordained the destruction of either Moscow
+or Nanking; whichever city Allah has elected to erase, I will make it
+my personal responsibility to see to it that the other isn't slighted,
+either.
+
+However, if your Excellencies decide to accede to my modest and
+reasonable demands, not later than one week from today, this
+test-launching will be cancelled as unnecessary. Of course, that would
+leave unsettled a bet I have made with Dr. Hong Foo--a star sapphire
+against his favorite Persian concubine--that the explosion of a
+lithium bomb will not initiate a chain reaction in the Earth's crust
+and so disintegrate this planet. This, of course, is a minor
+consideration, unworthy of Your notice.
+
+Of course, I am aware that both your Excellencies have, in the past,
+fomented mutual jealousies and suspicions among the several
+"autonomous" republics under your respective jurisdictions, as an
+instrument of policy. If these peoples were, at this time, to receive
+full independence, the present inevitability of a pan-Asiatic war on a
+grand scale would be replaced only by the inevitability of a
+pan-Asiatic war by detail. Obviously, some single supra-national
+sovereignty is needed to maintain peace, and such a sovereignty should
+be established under some leadership not hitherto associated with
+either the former UEESR or the former UPREA. I humbly offer myself as
+President of such a supra-national organization, counting as a matter
+of course upon the whole-hearted support and co-operation of both your
+Excellencies. It might be well if both your Excellencies were to come
+here to Kabul to confer with me on this subject at your very earliest
+convenience.
+
+The Peace of Allah be upon both your Excellencies!
+
+Shere Ali Abdallah,
+Ph.D., Sc.B., M.A.
+
+
+
+
+_From N. Y. Times, Oct. 30, 1984:_
+
+MOUZORGIN, SUN LI-YIN,
+
+FETED AT KABUL
+
+Confer With Ameer;
+
+Discuss Peace Plans
+
+Surprise Developments Seen....
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Operation R.S.V.P., by Henry Beam Piper
+
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