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diff --git a/18164-h/18164-h.htm b/18164-h/18164-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e8c367a --- /dev/null +++ b/18164-h/18164-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,13145 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd"> +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> + +<head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of Potash & Perlmutter by Montague Glass + </title> +<style type="text/css"> +/*<![CDATA[ XML blockout */ +<!-- + p { margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; + } + hr { width: 33%; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; + } + body{margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + } + + .pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ + /* visibility: hidden; */ + position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: smaller; + text-align: right; + } /* page numbers */ + + .linenum {position: absolute; top: auto; left: 4%;} /* poetry number */ + .blockquot{margin-left: 5%; margin-right: 10%;} + .block{margin-left: 5em;} + .block1 {margin-left: 2em;} + .sidenote {width: 20%; padding-bottom: .5em; padding-top: .5em; + padding-left: .5em; padding-right: .5em; margin-left: 1em; + float: right; clear: right; margin-top: 1em; + font-size: smaller; color: black; background: #eeeeee; border: dashed 1px;} + + .bb {border-bottom: solid 2px;} + .bl {border-left: solid 2px;} + .bt {border-top: solid 2px;} + .br {border-right: solid 2px;} + .bbox {border: solid 2px;} + + .center {text-align: center;} + .smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + .u {text-decoration: underline;} + + .caption {font-weight: bold;} + + .figcenter {margin: auto; text-align: center;} + + .figleft {float: left; clear: left; margin-left: 0; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: + 1em; margin-right: 1em; padding: 0; text-align: center;} + + .figright {float: right; clear: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; + margin-top: 1em; margin-right: 0; padding: 0; text-align: center;} + + .footnotes {border: dashed 1px;} + .footnote {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-size: 0.9em;} + .footnote .label {position: absolute; right: 84%; text-align: right;} + .fnanchor {vertical-align: super; font-size: .8em; text-decoration: none;} + + .poem {margin-left:10%; margin-right:10%; text-align: left;} + .poem br {display: none;} + .poem .stanza {margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em;} + .poem span.i0 {display: block; margin-left: 0em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem span.i2 {display: block; margin-left: 2em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem span.i4 {display: block; margin-left: 4em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + + table {margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;} + .tspec1 {border: thin solid; border-color: #000000; width: 90%;} + .tspec2 {border-collapse: collapse; width: 90%;} + .tdleft {border-collapse: collapse; padding: 2px; vertical-align: top; width: 40%; text-align: left;}/* table, left column */ + .tdright {border-collapse: collapse; padding: 2px; vertical-align: top; width: 60%; text-align: right;}/* table, right column */ + .tdright1 {border-collapse: collapse; padding: 2px; vertical-align: top; width: 60%; text-align: center;}/* table, mid column */ + .tdcenter {border-collapse: collapse; padding: 2px; vertical-align: top; width: 100%; text-align: center;}/* table, center column */ + + .td1 {border-collapse: collapse; padding: 2px; vertical-align: top; width: 75%; text-align: left;}/* table, 1 of 3 column */ + .td2 {border-collapse: collapse; padding: 2px; vertical-align: top; width: 5%; text-align: right;}/* table, 2 of 3 column */ + .td3 {border-collapse: collapse; padding: 2px; vertical-align: top; width: 5%; text-align: right;}/* table, 3 of 3 column */ + .td4 {border-collapse: collapse; padding: 2px; vertical-align: top; width: 15%; text-align: right;}/* table, 4 of 3 column */ + + .under {text-decoration: underline;}/*text-decoration*/ + + // --> + /* XML end ]]>*/ +</style> +</head> + + +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Potash & Perlmutter, by Montague Glass + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Potash & Perlmutter + Their Copartnership Ventures and Adventures + +Author: Montague Glass + +Release Date: April 13, 2006 [EBook #18164] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK POTASH & PERLMUTTER *** + + + + +Produced by Jacqueline Jeremy, Suzanne Shell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<p class="center"><img title="Cover" height="400" width="258" alt="Cover" +src="images/cover.jpg" ></img></p> + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> + +<p class="center"><img title="Mr. Louis Mintz What Comes to Work by Us" height="391" +width="258" alt="Mr. Louis Mintz What Comes to Work by Us" +src="images/001.jpg"></img></p> <h5 class="center"><span class="smcap">Mr. Louis Mintz What Comes to Work by Us</span></h5> <hr +style="width: 85%;" /> <h1 class="center">P O T A S H + &<br /> +P E R L M U T T E R</h1> <hr /> <h2>THEIR +COPARTNERSHIP VENTURES<br /> AND ADVENTURES</h2> <p><br /> <br /></p> <h3 class="center"><span class="smcap">by<br /><br /> Montague Glass</span></h3> <hr +style="width: 25%" /> <h3>ILLUSTRATED</h3> <hr style="width: 25%" /> + +<h1>G R O S S E +T & D U N L A P</h1> +<h3>PUBLISHERS :: NEW YORK</h3> <hr style="width: 85%;" /> + +<p class="block">Copyright, 1909, by The Curtis Publishing Company<br /><br /> Copyright, 1910, by +Howard E. Altemus<br /><br /> Copyrighted 1911, by Doubleday, Page & +Company.<br /><br /><br /> <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> THE COUNTRY LIFE PRESS, GARDEN CITY, N. Y.</p> <hr style="width: +85%;" /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> + +<h1><a name="Potash_Perlmutter" id="Potash_Perlmutter"></a>Potash & Perlmutter</h1> <br /> <br /> <h2>CHAPTER I</h2> <br /> <br /> <p>"No, siree, sir," Abe Potash +exclaimed as he drew a check to the order of his attorney for a hundred +and fifty dollars, "I would positively go it alone from now on till I +die, Noblestone. I got my stomach full with Pincus Vesell already, and +if Andrew Carnegie would come to me and tell me he wants to go with me +as partners together in the cloak and suit business, I would say 'No,' +so sick and tired of partners I am."</p> + +<p>For the twentieth time he examined the dissolution agreement which had +ended the firm of Vesell & Potash, and then he sighed heavily and +placed the document in his breast pocket.</p> + +<p>"Cost me enough, Noblestone, I could assure you," he said.</p> + +<p>"A hundred and fifty ain't much, Potash, for a big lawyer like Feldman," +Noblestone commented.</p> + +<p>Abe flipped his fingers in a gesture of deprecation.</p> + +<p>"That is the least, Noblestone," he rejoined. "First and last I bet you +I am out five thousand dollars on Vesell. That feller got an idee that +there <!-- Page 8 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span>ain't nothing to the cloak and suit business but auction +pinochle and taking out-of-town customers to the theayter. Hard work is +something which he don't know nothing about at all. He should of been in +the brokering business."</p> + +<p>"The brokering business ain't such a cinch neither," Noblestone retorted +with some show of indignation. "A feller what's in the brokering +business has got his troubles, too, Potash. Here I've been trying to +find an opening for a bright young feller with five thousand dollars +cash, y'understand, and also there ain't a better designer in the +business, y'understand, and I couldn't do a thing with the proposition. +Always everybody turns me down. Either they got a partner already or +they're like yourself, Potash, they just got through with a partner +which done 'em up good."</p> + +<p>"If you think Pincus Vesell done me up good, Noblestone," Potash said, +"you are mistaken. I got better judgment as to let a lowlife like him +get into me, Noblestone. I lost money by him, y'understand, but at the +same time he didn't make nothing neither. Vesell is one of them fellers +what you hear about which is nobody's enemy but his own."</p> + +<p>"The way he talks to me, Potash," Noblestone replied, "he ain't such +friends to you neither."</p> + +<p>"He hates me worser as poison," Abe declared fervently, "but that ain't +neither here nor there, Noblestone. I'm content he should be my enemy. +He's the kind of feller what if we would part friends, <!-- Page 9 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span>he would +come back every week and touch me for five dollars yet. The feller ain't +got no money and he ain't got no judgment neither."</p> + +<p>"But here is a young feller which he got lots of common sense and five +thousand dollars cash," Noblestone went on. "Only one thing which he +ain't got."</p> + +<p>Abe nodded.</p> + +<p>"I seen lots of them fellers in my time, Noblestone," he said. +"Everything about 'em is all right excepting one thing and that's always +a killer."</p> + +<p>"Well, this one thing ain't a killer at all," Noblestone rejoined, "he +knows the cloak and suit business from A to Z, and he's a first-class A +number one feller for the inside, Potash, but he ain't no salesman."</p> + +<p>"So long as he's good on the inside, Noblestone," Abe said, "it don't do +no harm if he ain't a salesman, because there's lots of fellers in the +cloak and suit business which calls themselves drummers, y'understand +Every week regular they turn in an expense account as big as a doctor's +bill already, and not only they ain't salesmen, Noblestone, but they +don't know enough about the inside work to get a job as assistant +shipping clerk."</p> + +<p>"Well, Harry Federmann ain't that kind, Potash," Noblestone went on. +"He's been a cutter and a designer and everything you could think of in +the cloak and suit business. Also the feller's got<!-- Page 10 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span> good backing. +He's married to old man Zudrowsky's daughter and certainly them people +would give him a whole lot of help."</p> + +<p>"What people do you mean?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"Zudrowsky & Cohen," Noblestone answered. "Do you know 'em, Potash?"</p> + +<p>Abe laughed raucously.</p> + +<p>"Do I know 'em?" he said. "A question! Them people got a reputation +among the trade which you wouldn't believe at all. Yes, Noblestone, if I +would take it another partner, y'understand, I would as lief get a +feller what's got the backing of a couple of them cut-throats up in Sing +Sing, so much do I think of Zudrowsky & Cohen."</p> + +<p>"All I got to say to that, Potash, is that you don't know them people, +otherwise you wouldn't talk that way."</p> + +<p>"Maybe I don't know 'em as good as some concerns know 'em, Noblestone, +but that's because I was pretty lucky. Leon Sammet tells me he wouldn't +trust 'em with the wrapping paper on a C. O. D. shipment of +two dollars."</p> + +<p>Noblestone rose to his feet and assumed an attitude of what he believed +to be injured dignity.</p> + +<p>"I hear enough from you, Potash," he said, "and some day you will be +sorry you talk that way about a concern like Zudrowsky & Cohen. If +you couldn't say nothing good about 'em, you should shut up your mouth."</p> + +<p>"I could say one thing good about 'em, Noblestone,"<!-- Page 11 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span> Abe retorted, +as the business broker opened the store door. "They ain't ashamed of a +couple of good old-time names like Zudrowsky & Cohen."</p> + +<p>This was an allusion to the circumstance that Philip Noblestone had once +been Pesach Edelstein, and the resounding bang with which the broker +closed the door behind him, was gratifying evidence to Abe that his +parting shot had found its target.</p> + +<p>"Well, Noblestone," Zudrowsky cried, as the broker entered the show-room +of Zudrowsky & Cohen, "what did he say?"</p> + +<p>"He says he wouldn't consider it at all," Noblestone answered. "He ain't +in no condition to talk about it anyway, because he feels too sore about +his old partner, Pincus Vesell. That feller done him up to the tune of +ten thousand dollars."</p> + +<p>In Noblestone's scheme of ethics, to multiply a fact by two was to speak +the truth unadorned.</p> + +<p>"S'enough, Noblestone," Zudrowsky cried. "If Potash lost so much money +as all that, I wouldn't consider him at all. One thing you got to +remember, Noblestone. Me, I am putting up five thousand dollars for +Harry Federmann, and what that feller don't know about business, +Noblestone, you could take it from me, would make even <i>you</i> a +millionaire, if you would only got it in your head."</p> + +<p>Noblestone felt keenly the doubtfulness of Zudrowsky's compliment, but +for a lack of a<!-- Page 12 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span> suitable rejoinder he contented himself by +nodding gravely.</p> + +<p>"So I wouldn't want him to tie up with a feller like Potash, what gets +done up so easy for ten thousand dollars," Zudrowsky went on. "What I +would like, Noblestone, is that Harry should go as partners together +with some decent, respectable feller which got it good experience in the +cloak business and wouldn't be careless with my five thousand dollars. I +needn't to tell you, Noblestone, if I would let Harry get his hands on +it, I might as well kiss myself good-by with that five thousand +dollars."</p> + +<p>Noblestone waggled his head from side to side and made inarticulate +expressions of sympathy through his nose.</p> + +<p>"How could you marry off your daughter to a <i>schafskopf</i> like +Federmann?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"It was a love match, Noblestone," Zudrowsky explained. "She falls in +love with him, and he falls in love with her. So naturally he ain't no +business man, y'understand, because you know as well as I do, +Noblestone, a business man ain't got no time to fool away on such +nonsense."</p> + +<p>"Sure, I know," Noblestone agreed. "But what makes Federmann so dumb? +He's been in the cloak and suit business all his life, ain't he?"</p> + +<p>"What's that got to do with it?" Zudrowsky exclaimed. "Cohen and me got +these here fixtures for fifteen years already, and you could more expect +them tables and racks they should know the cloak<!-- Page 13 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span> and suit +business as Harry Federmann. They ain't neither of 'em got no brains, +Noblestone, and that's what I want you to get for Harry,—some +young feller with brains, even though he ain't worth much money."</p> + +<p>"Believe me, Mr. Zudrowsky," Noblestone replied. "It ain't such an +easy matter these times to find a young feller with brains what ain't +got no money, Mr. Zudrowsky, and such young fellers don't need no +partners neither. And, anyhow, Mr. Zudrowsky, what is five thousand +dollars for an inducement to a business man? When I would go around and +tell my clients I got a young feller with five thousand dollars what +wants to go in the cloak and suit business, they laugh at me. In the +cloak and suit business five thousand dollars goes no ways."</p> + +<p>"Five thousand ain't much if you are going to open up as a new beginner, +Noblestone," Zudrowsky replied, "but if you got a going concern, +y'understand, five thousand dollars is always five thousand dollars. +There's lots of business men what is short of money all the time, +Noblestone. Couldn't you find it maybe a young feller which is already +established in business, y'understand, and what needs <i>doch</i> a little +money?"</p> + +<p>Noblestone slapped his thigh.</p> + +<p>"I got it!" he said. "I'll go around and see Sam Feder of the Kosciusko +Bank."</p> + +<p>Half an hour later Noblestone sat in the first<!-- Page 14 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span> vice-president's +office at the Kosciusko Bank, and requested that executive officer to +favor him with the names of a few good business men, who would +appreciate a partner with five thousand dollars.</p> + +<p>"I'll tell you the truth, Noblestone," Mr. Feder said, "we turn +down so many people here every day, that it's a pretty hard thing for me +to remember any particular name. Most of 'em is good for nothing, either +for your purpose or for ours, Noblestone. The idee they got about +business is that they should sell goods at any price. In figuring the +cost of the output, they reckon labor, so much; material, so much; and +they don't take no account of rent, light, power, insurance and so +forth. The consequence is, they lose money all the time; and they put +their competitors in bad too, because they make 'em meet their fool +prices. The whole trade is cut up by them fellers and sooner as +recommend one for a partner for your client, I'd advise him to take his +money and play the ponies with it."</p> + +<p>At this juncture a boy entered and handed Mr. Feder a card.</p> + +<p>"Tell him to come right in," Feder said, and then he turned to +Noblestone. "You got to excuse me for a few minutes, Noblestone, and +I'll see you just as soon as I get through."</p> + +<p>As Noblestone left the first vice-president's office, he encountered +Feder's visitor, who wore an air of furtive apprehension characteristic +of a man making his initial visit to a pawn shop. Noblestone waited<!-- +Page 15 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span> on the bench outside for perhaps ten minutes, when +Mr. Feder's visitor emerged, a trifle red in the face.</p> + +<p>"That's my terms, Mr. Perlmutter," Feder said.</p> + +<p>"Well, if I would got to accept such a proposition like that, +Mr. Feder," the visitor declared, "I would sooner bust up first. +That's all I got to say."</p> + +<p>He jammed his hat down on his head and made for the door.</p> + +<p>"Now, Mr. Noblestone, I am ready for you," Feder cried, but his +summons fell on deaf ears, for Noblestone was in quick pursuit of the +vanishing Perlmutter. Noblestone overtook him at the corner and touched +his elbow.</p> + +<p>"How do you do, Mr. Perlmutter!" he exclaimed.</p> + +<p>Perlmutter stopped short and wheeled around.</p> + +<p>"Huh?" he said.</p> + +<p>"This is Mr. Sol Perlmutter, ain't it?" Noblestone asked.</p> + +<p>"No, it ain't," Perlmutter replied. "My name is Morris Perlmutter, and +the pair of real gold eye-glasses which you just picked up and would let +me have as a bargain for fifty cents, ain't no use to me neither."</p> + +<p>"I ain't picked up no eye-glasses," Noblestone said.</p> + +<p>"No?" Morris Perlmutter rejoined. "Well, I don't want to buy no blue +white diamond ring neither, y'understand, so if it's all the same to you +I got business to attend to."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 16 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span>"So do I," Noblestone went on, "and this is what it is. Also my +name is there too."</p> + +<p>He showed Morris a card, which read as follows:</p> <br /> <br /> <table class="tspec1" summary="card"> <tr> <td class="tdleft">TELEPHONE CONNECTION</td> +<td class="tdright">REAL ESTATE & INSURANCE</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft"></td> <td class="tdright">IN ALL ITS BRANCHES</td> </tr> <tr> <td +class="tdcenter" colspan="2">PHILIP NOBLESTONE</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdcenter" colspan="2"><h4>BUSINESS BROKER</h4></td> </tr> <tr> <td +class="tdcenter" colspan="2"><h3 class="under">G E + T A</h3></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdcenter" colspan="2"><h3 +class="under">P A + R T N + E R</h3></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft">594 <span class="smcap">East Houston Street</span></td> <td class="tdright">NEW YORK</td> </tr> </table> +<br /> <br /> <p>"Don't discount them good accounts, Mr. Perlmutter," he added, +"it ain't necessary."</p> + +<p>"Who told you I want to discount some accounts?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>"If I see a feller in a dentist's chair," Noblestone answered, "I don't +need to be told he's got the toothache already."</p> + +<p>After this Morris was easily persuaded to accept Noblestone's invitation +to drink a cup of coffee, and they retired immediately to a neighboring +bakery and lunch room.</p> + +<p>"Yes, Mr. Noblestone," Morris said, consulting the card. "I give +you right about Feder. That feller is worser as a dentist. He's a +bloodsucker. Fifteen hundred dollars gilt-edged accounts I offer<!-- +Page 17 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span> him as security for twelve hundred, and when I get +through with paying DeWitt C. Feinholtz, his son-in-law, what is +the bank's lawyer, there wouldn't be enough left from that twelve +hundred dollars to pay off my operators."</p> + +<p>"That's the way it is when a feller's short of money," Noblestone said. +"Now, if you would got it a partner with backing, y'understand, you +wouldn't never got to be short again."</p> + +<p>With this introductory sentence, Noblestone launched out upon a series +of persuasive arguments, which only ended when Morris Perlmutter had +promised to lunch with Zudrowsky, Harry Federmann and Noblestone at +Wasserbauer's Café and Restaurant the following afternoon at one +o'clock.</p> + +<p>For the remainder of the day, Philip Noblestone interviewed as much of +the cloak and suit trade as he could cover, with respect to Morris +Perlmutter's antecedents, and the result was entirely satisfactory. He +ascertained that Morris had worked his way up from shipping clerk, +through the various grades, until he had reached the comparative +eminence of head cutter, and his only failing was that he had embarked +in business with less capital than experience. At first he had met with +moderate success, but a dull season in the cloak trade had temporarily +embarrassed him, and the consensus of opinion among his competitors was +that he had a growing business but was over-extended.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 18 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span>Thus when Noblestone repaired to the office of Zudrowsky & +Cohen at closing time that afternoon, he fairly outdid himself extolling +Morris Perlmutter's merits, and he presented so high colored a picture +that Zudrowsky deprecated the business broker's enthusiasm.</p> + +<p>"Say, looky here, Noblestone," he said, "enough's enough. All I want is +a partner for my son-in-law which would got common sense and a little +judgment. That's all. I don't expect no miracles, y'understand, and the +way I understand it from you, this feller Morris Perlmutter is got a +business head like Andrew Carnegie already and a shape like John Drew."</p> + +<p>"I never mentioned his name because I don't know that feller at all," +Noblestone protested. "But Perlmutter is a fine business man, +Mr. Zudrowsky, and he's a swell dresser, too."</p> + +<p>"A feller what goes to a bank looking for accommodations," Zudrowsky +replied, "naturally don't put on his oldest clothes, y'understand, but +anyhow, Noblestone, if you would be around here at half past twelve +to-morrow, I will see that Harry gets here too, and we will go down to +Wasserbauer's and meet the feller."</p> + +<p>It was precisely one o'clock the following day when Morris Perlmutter +seated himself at a table in the rear of Wasserbauer's Café and +Restaurant.</p> + +<p>"Yes, sir, right away!" Louis, the waiter, cried, as he deposited a +plate of dill pickles on the adjoining<!-- Page 19 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span> table, at which sat a +stout middle-aged person with a napkin tucked in his neck.</p> + +<p>"<i>Koenigsberger Klops</i> is good to-day, Mr. Potash," Louis +announced.</p> + +<p>"Pushing the stickers, Louis, ain't it?" the man at the next table said. +"You couldn't get me to eat no chopped meat which customers left on +their plates last week already. I never believe in buying seconds, +Louis. Give me a piece of roast beef, well done, and a baked potato."</p> + +<p>"Right away, Mr. Potash," Louis said, as he passed on to +Perlmutter's table. "Now, sir, what could I do for you?"</p> + +<p>"Me, I am waiting here for somebody," Morris replied. "Bring me a glass +of water and we will give our order later."</p> + +<p>"Right away!" said Louis, and hustled off to fill Abe Potash's order, +whereat Abe selected a dill pickle to beguile the tedium of waiting. He +grasped it firmly between his thumb and finger, and neatly bisected it +with his teeth. Simultaneously the pickle squirted, and about a quarter +of a pint of the acid juice struck Morris Perlmutter in the right eye.</p> + +<p>"Excuse <i>me</i>," Abe cried. "Excuse me."</p> + +<p>"S'all right," Morris replied. "I seen what you was doing and I should +of ordered an umbrella instead of a glass of water already."</p> + +<p>Abe laughed uproariously.</p> + +<p>"Dill pickles is uncertain like Paris fashions," he<!-- Page 20 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span> commented. +"You could never tell what they would do next."</p> + +<p>"I bet yer," Morris replied. "Last year people was buying silks like +they was crazy, y'understand, and this year you would think silks was +poison. A buyer wouldn't touch 'em at all, and that's the way it goes."</p> + +<p>Abe rose with the napkin tucked in his neck, and carrying the dish of +dill pickles with him, he sat down at Morris' table, to which Louis +brought the roast beef a moment later.</p> + +<p>"I seen you was in the cloak and suit business as soon as I looked at +you," Abe said. "I guess I'll eat here till your friends come."</p> + +<p>"Go ahead," Morris replied. "It's already quarter past one, and if them +fellers don't come soon, I'm going to eat, too."</p> + +<p>"What's the use waiting?" Abe said. "Eat anyhow. This roast beef is +fine. Try some of it on me."</p> + +<p>"Why should I stick you for my lunch?" Morris rejoined. "I see them +suckers ain't going to show up at all, so I guess I'll take a sandwich +and a cup of coffee."</p> + +<p>He motioned to Louis.</p> + +<p>"Right away!" Louis cried. "Yes, sir, we got some nice <i>Koenigsberger +Klops</i> to-day <i>mit Kartoffel Kloes</i>."</p> + +<p>"What d'ye take this gentleman for, anyway, Louis?" Abe asked. "A +garbage can? Give him a<!-- Page 21 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span> nice slice of roast beef well done and a +baked potato. Also bring two cups of coffee and give it the checks to +me."</p> + +<p>By a quarter to two Abe and Morris had passed from business matters to +family affairs, and after they had exchanged cigars and the conversation +had reached a stage where Morris had just accepted an invitation to dine +at Abe's house, Noblestone and Zudrowsky entered, with Harry Federmann +bringing up in the rear. Harry was evidently in disfavor, and his weak, +blond face wore the crestfallen look of a whipped child, for he had been +so occupied with his billing and cooing up town, that he had forgotten +his business engagement.</p> + +<p>"Hallo, Mr. Perlmutter," Noblestone cried, and then he caught sight +of Morris' companion and the remains of their generous meal. "I thought +you was going to take lunch with us."</p> + +<p>"Do I got to starve, Mr. Who's-this—I lost your +card—just because I was fool enough to take up your proposition +yesterday? I should of known better in the first place."</p> + +<p>"But this here young feller, Mr. Federmann, got detained uptown," +Zudrowsky explained. "His wife got took suddenly sick."</p> + +<p>"Why, she may have to have an operation," Noblestone said in a sudden +burst of imaginative enthusiasm.</p> + +<p>"You should tell your troubles to a doctor," Abe said, rising from the +table. "And besides, Noblestone,<!-- Page 22 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span> Mr. Perlmutter don't want +no partner just now."</p> + +<p>"But," Perlmutter began, "but, Mr. Potash——"</p> + +<p>"That is to say," Abe interrupted, "he don't want a partner with no +business experience. Me, I got business experience, as you know, +Mr. Noblestone, and so we fixed it up we would go as partners +together, provided after we look each other up everything is all right."</p> + +<p>He looked inquiringly at Perlmutter, who nodded in reply.</p> + +<p>"And if everything <i>is</i> all right," Perlmutter said, "we will start up +next week."</p> + +<p>"Under the firm name," Abe added, "of Potash & Perlmutter."</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <h2>CHAPTER II</h2> <br /> <br /> <p>In less than ten days the new firm of Potash & +Perlmutter were doing business in Abe Potash's old quarters on White +Street with the addition of the loft on the second floor. Abe had +occupied the grade floor of an old-fashioned building, and agreeable to +Morris' suggestion the manufacturing and cutting departments were +transferred to the second floor, leaving Abe's old quarters for +show-room, office and shipping purposes. It was further arranged that +Abe's share of the copartnership work should be the selling end and that +Morris should take charge of the manufacturing. Both<!-- Page 23 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span> partners +supervised the accounting and credit department with the competent +assistance of Miss R. Cohen, who had served the firm of Vesell +& Potash in the same capacity.</p> + +<p>For more than a year Morris acted as designer, and with one or two +unfortunate exceptions, the styles he originated had been entirely +satisfactory to Potash & Perlmutter's growing trade.</p> + +<p>The one or two unfortunate exceptions, however, had been a source of +some loss to the firm. First, there were the tourists' coats which cost +Potash & Perlmutter one thousand dollars; then came the purple +directoires; total, two thousand dollars charged off to profit and loss +on the firm's books.</p> + +<p>"No, Mawruss," Abe said, when his partner spoke of a new model, which he +termed the Long Branch Coatee, "I don't like that name. Anyhow, Mawruss, +I got it in my mind we should hire a designer. While I figure it that +you don't cost us nothing extra, Mawruss, a couple of stickers like them +tourists and that directoire model puts us in the hole two thousand +dollars. On the other hand, Mawruss, if we get a good designer, Mawruss, +all we pay him is two thousand a year and we're through."</p> + +<p>"I know, Abe," Morris replied, "but designers can turn out stickers, +too."</p> + +<p>"Sure, they can, Mawruss," Abe went on, "but they got a job to look out +for, Mawruss, while you are one of the bosses here, whether you turn out +stickers or not. No, Mawruss, I got enough of stickers<!-- Page 24 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span> already. +I'm going to look out for a good, live designer, a smart young feller +like Louis Grossman, what works for Sammet Brothers. I bet you they done +an increased business of twenty per cent. with that young feller's +designs. I met Ike Gotthelf, buyer for Horowitz & Finkelbein, and he +tells me he gave Sammet Brothers a two-thousand-dollar order a couple of +weeks ago, including a hundred and twenty-two garments of that new-style +they got out, which they call the Arverne Sacque, one of Louis +Grossman's new models."</p> + +<p>"Is that so?" said Morris. "Well, you know what I would do if I was you, +Abe? I'd see Louis Grossman and offer him ten dollars a week more than +Sammet Brothers pays him, and the first thing you know he'd be working +for us and not for Sammet Brothers."</p> + +<p>"You got a great head, Mawruss," Abe rejoined ironically. "You got the +same idee all of a sudden what I think about a week ago already. I seen +Louis Grossman yesterday, and offered him fifteen, not ten."</p> + +<p>"And what did he say?"</p> + +<p>"He says he's working by Sammet Brothers under a contract, Mawruss, what +don't expire for a year yet, and they're holding up a quarter of his +wages under the contract, which he is to forfeit if he don't work it +out."</p> + +<p>"Don't you believe it, Abe," Morris broke in. "He's standing out for +more money."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 25 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span>"Is he?" said Abe with some heat. "Well, I seen the contract, +Mawruss, so either I'm a liar or not, Mawruss, ain't it?"</p> + +<p>Here they were interrupted by the entrance of a customer, Ike Herzog, of +the Bon Ton Credit Outfitting Company.</p> + +<p>"Ah, Mr. Herzog!" Abe cried, rising to his feet and extending both +hands in greeting. "Glad to see you. Ain't it a fine weather?"</p> + +<p>Mr. Herzog grunted in reply.</p> + +<p>"Potash," he said, "when I give you that order last week, I don't know +whether I didn't buy a big lot of your style fifty-nine-ten, ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, you did," said Abe.</p> + +<p>"Well," said Herzog, "I want to cancel that part of the order."</p> + +<p>"Cancel it!" Abe cried. "Why, what's the matter with them garments? +Ain't the samples made up right?"</p> + +<p>"Sure, they're made up right," said Herzog, "only I seen something what +I like better. It's about the same style, only more attractive. I mean +Sammet Brothers' style forty-one-fifty—their new Arverne Sacque."</p> + +<p>"Mr. Herzog!" Abe cried.</p> + +<p>Herzog raised a protesting palm.</p> + +<p>"Now, Potash," he said, "you know whatever I buy in staples you get the +preference; but when anybody's got a specialty like that Arverne Sacque, +what's the use of talking?"</p> + +<p><!-- Page 26 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span>He shook hands cordially.</p> + +<p>"I'll be around to see you in about a week," he said, and the next +moment the door closed behind him.</p> + +<p>"Well, Mawruss, that settles it," said Abe, putting on his hat. "When we +lose a good customer like Ike Herzog, I gets busy right away."</p> + +<p>"Where are you going, Abe?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>Abe struggled into his overcoat and seized his umbrella.</p> + +<p>"Round to Sammet Brothers," he replied. "I'm going to get that young +feller away from them if I got to pay 'em a thousand dollars to boot."</p> + +<p>Leon Sammet, head of the copartnership of Sammet Brothers, sat in the +firm's sample room and puffed gloomily at a Wheeling stogy. His brother, +Barney Sammet, stood beside him reading aloud from a letter which he +held in his hand.</p> + +<p>"'Gents,'" he said, "'your shipment of the fourteenth instant to hand, +and in reply will say we ain't satisfied with nothing but style +forty-one-fifty. Our Miss Kenny is a perfect thirty-six, and she +can't breathe in them Empires style 3022, in sizes 36, 38 or 40. What is +the matter with you, anyway? We are returning them via Eagle Dispatch. +We are yours truly, The Boston Store, Horowitz & Finkelbein, +Proprietors.'"</p> + +<p>"Yes, Barney," Leon commented, "that's a designer for you, that Louis +Grossman. His Arverne Sacques is all right, Barney, but the rest is nix. +He's<!-- Page 27 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span> a one garment man. Tell Miss Aaronstamm to bring in her +book. I want to send them Boston Store people a letter."</p> + +<p>A moment later Miss Aaronstamm entered, and sat down at a sample +table.</p> + +<p>"Write to the Boston Store," Leon Sammet said. "'Horowitz & +Finkelbein, Proprietors, Gents'—got that? 'We received your favor +of the eighteenth instant, and in reply would say we don't accept no +styles what you return.' Got that? 'If your Miss Kenny can't +breathe in them garments that ain't our fault. They wasn't made to +breathe in; they was made to sell. You say she is a perfect thirty-six. +How do we know that? We ain't never measured her, and we don't believe +you have, neither. Anyway, we ain't taking back no goods what we sold +once. Yours truly.' That's all, Miss Aaronstamm. I guess that'll +fix 'em. What, Barney?"</p> + +<p>Barney nodded gloomily.</p> + +<p>"I tell you, Barney," Leon went on, "I wish I never seen that Louis +Grossman. He certainly got into us good and proper."</p> + +<p>"I don't know, Leon," said Barney. "That Arverne Sacque was a record +seller."</p> + +<p>"Arverne Sacque!" Leon cried. "That's all everybody says. We can't make +a million dollars out of one garment alone, Barney. We can't even make +expenses. I'm afraid we'll go in the hole over ten thousand dollars if +we don't get rid of him."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 28 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span>"But we can't get rid of him," said Barney. "We got a contract +with him."</p> + +<p>"Don't I know it?" said Leon, sadly. "Ain't I paid Henry D. Feldman a +hundred dollars for drawing it up? He's got us, Barney. Louis Grossman's +got us and no mistake. Well, I got to go up to the cutting-room and see +what he's doing now, Barney. He can spoil more piece-goods in an hour +than I can buy in a week."</p> + +<p>He rose wearily to his feet and was half-way to the stairs in the rear +of the store when Abe Potash entered.</p> + +<p>"Hallo, Leon!" Abe called. "Don't be in a rush. I want to talk to you."</p> + +<p>Leon returned to the show-room and shook hands limply with Abe. It was a +competitor's, not a customer's, shake.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," he said, "how's business?"</p> + +<p>"If we got a good designer like you got, Leon," Abe replied, "we +would——"</p> + +<p>"A good designer!" Barney broke in. "Why——"</p> + +<p>His involuntary disclaimer ended almost where it began with a furtive, +though painful, kick from his elder brother.</p> + +<p>"A good designer, Abe," Leon went on hastily, "is a big asset, and Louis +Grossman is a first-class A Number One designer. We done a tremendous +spring business through Louis. I suppose you heard about our style +forty-one-fifty?"</p> + +<p><!-- Page 29 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span>Abe nodded.</p> + +<p>"Them Arverne Sacques," he said. "Yes, I heard about it from everybody I +meet. He must be a gold-mine, that Louis Grossman."</p> + +<p>"He is," Leon continued. "Our other styles, too, he turns out wonderful. +Our Empire models what he designs for us, Abe, I assure you is also +making a tremendous sensation. You ought to see the letter we got this +morning from Horowitz & Finkelbein."</p> + +<p>Barney blew his nose with a loud snort.</p> + +<p>"I guess I'll go upstairs, and see what the boys is doing in the +cutting-room, Leon," he said, and made a hasty exit.</p> + +<p>"Not that Louis Grossman ain't a good cutting-room foreman, too, Abe," +said Leon, "but we're just getting in some new piece-goods and Barney +wants to check 'em off. But I ain't asked you yet what we can do for +you? A recommendation, maybe? Our credit files is open to you, Abe."</p> + +<p>Abe pushed his hat back from his forehead and mopped his brow. Then he +sat down and lit a cigar.</p> + +<p>"Leon," he commenced, "what's the use of making a lot of talk about it. +I'm going to talk to you man to man, Leon, and no monkey-business about +it nor nothing. I'm going to be plain and straightforward, Leon, and +tell it to you right from the start what I want. I don't believe in no +beating bushes around, Leon, and when I say a thing I mean it. I got to +talk right out, Leon. That's the kind of man I am."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 30 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span>"All right, Abe," Leon said. "Don't spring it on me too sudden, +though."</p> + +<p>"Well," Abe continued, "it's this way."</p> + +<p>He gave one last puff at his cigar.</p> + +<p>"Leon," he said, "how much will you take for Louis Grossman?"</p> + +<p>"Take!" Leon shouted. "Take! Why, Abe——"</p> + +<p>He stopped suddenly, and, recovering his composure just in the nick of +time, remained silent.</p> + +<p>"I know, Leon, he's a valuable man," Abe said earnestly, "but I'm +willing to be fair, Leon. Of course I ain't a hog, and I don't think you +are."</p> + +<p>"No, I ain't," Leon replied quite calmly; "I ain't a hog, and so I say I +wouldn't take nothing for him, Abe, because, Abe, if I told you what I +<i>would</i> take for him, Abe, then, maybe, you might have reason for +calling me a hog."</p> + +<p>"Oh, no, I wouldn't, Leon," Abe protested. "I told you I know he's a +valuable man, so I want you should name a price."</p> + +<p>"<i>I</i> should name a price!" Leon cried. "Why, Abe, I'm surprised at you. +If I go to a man to sell something what I like to get rid of it, and he +don't want, then I name the price. But if a man comes to me to buy +something what I want to keep, and what he's got to have, Abe, then <i>he</i> +names the price. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>Abe looked critically at the end of his smoldering cigar.</p> + +<p>"Well, Leon," he said at length, "if I must name<!-- Page 31 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span> a price, I +suppose I must. Now I know you will think me crazy, Leon, but I want to +get a good designer bad, Leon, and so I say"—here he paused to +note the effect—"<i>five hundred dollars</i>."</p> + +<p>Leon held out his hand.</p> + +<p>"I guess you got to excuse me, Abe," he said. "I'd like it first rate to +stay here and visit with you all morning but I got work to do, and so I +hope you'll excuse me."</p> + +<p>"Seven hundred and fifty," Abe said.</p> + +<p>"Fifteen hundred dollars," Leon replied quite firmly.</p> + +<p>For twenty minutes Abe's figure rose and Leon's fell until they finally +met at ten hundred thirty-three, thirty-three.</p> + +<p>"He's worth it, Abe, believe me," said Leon, as they shook hands on the +bargain. "And now let's fix it up right away."</p> + +<p>Half an hour later, Abe, Louis Grossman and Leon Sammet entered the +spacious law offices of Henry D. Feldman, who bears the same advisory +relation to the cloak and suit trade as Judge Gary did to the steel and +iron business.</p> + +<p>The drawing of the necessary papers occupied the better part of the day +and it was not until three o'clock in the afternoon that the transaction +was complete. By its terms Sammet Brothers in consideration of $1,033.33 +paid by Potash & Perlmutter, released Louis Grossman from his +contract, and Louis entered into a new agreement with Potash & +Perlmutter<!-- Page 32 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span> at an advance of a thousand a year over the +compensation paid him by Sammet Brothers. In addition he was to receive +from Potash & Perlmutter five per cent. of the profits of their +business, payable weekly, the arrangement to be in force for one year, +during which time neither employer nor employee could be rid one of the +other save by mutual consent.</p> + +<p>"It comes high, Mawruss," Abe said to his partner, after he had returned +to the store, "but I guess Louis's worth it."</p> + +<p>"I hope so," Morris replied. "Now we can make up some of them Arverne +Sacques."</p> + +<p>"No, Mawruss," Abe replied, "I'm sorry to say we can't, because, by the +agreement what Henry D. Feldman drew up, Sammet Brothers has the sole +right to make up and sell the Arverne Sacques; but I seen to it, +Mawruss, that we got the right to make up and sell every other garment +what Louis Grossman originated for them this season."</p> + +<p>He smiled triumphantly at his partner.</p> + +<p>"And," he concluded, "he's coming to work Monday morning."</p> + +<p>At the end of three disillusionizing weeks Abe Potash and Morris +Perlmutter sat in the show-room of their place of business. Abe's hat +was tilted over his eyes and he whistled a tuneless air. Morris was +biting his nails.</p> + +<p>"Well, Mawruss," Abe said at length, "when we're <!-- Page 33 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span>stuck we're +stuck; ain't it? What's the use of sitting here like a couple of +mummies; ain't it?"</p> + +<p>Morris ceased biting his nails.</p> + +<p>"Yes, Abe," he said, "ten hundred and thirty-three, thirty-three for a +designer what couldn't design paper-bags for a delicatessen store. I +believe he must have took lessons in designing from a correspondence +school."</p> + +<p>"Believe me, Mawruss, he learned it by telephone," Abe replied. "But +cussing him out won't do no good, Mawruss. The thing to do now is to get +busy and turn out some garments what we can sell. Them masquerade +costumes what he gets up you couldn't sell to a five-and-ten-cent +store."</p> + +<p>"All right," Morris said. "Let's have another designer and leave Louis +to do the cutting."</p> + +<p>"<i>Another</i> designer!" Abe exclaimed. "No, Mawruss, you're a good enough +designer for me. I always said it, Mawruss, you're a first-class A +Number One designer."</p> + +<p>Thus encouraged, Morris once more took up the work of the firm's +designing, and he labored with the energy of despair, for the season was +far spent. At length he evolved four models that made Abe's eyes fairly +bulge.</p> + +<p>"That's snappy stuff, Mawruss," he said, as he examined the completed +samples one morning. "I bet yer they sell like hot cakes."</p> + +<p>Abe's prophecy more than justified itself, and in ten days they were +completely swamped with orders.<!-- Page 34 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span> Abe and Morris went around +wearing smiles that only relaxed when they remembered Louis Grossman and +his hide-bound agreement, under which he drew five per cent. of the +firm's profits and sixty dollars a week.</p> + +<p>"Anyhow, Mawruss, we'll get some return from Louis Grossman," Abe said. +"I advertised in the Daily Cloak and Suit Record yesterday them four +styles of yours as the four best sellers of the season, originated by +the creator of the Arverne Sacque. Ike Herzog was in the first thing +this morning and bought two big lots of each one of the models. Ike's a +great admirer of Louis Grossman, Mawruss. I bet yer when Sammet Brothers +saw that ad they went crazy; ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"But," Morris protested, "why should Louis Grossman get the credit for +my work?"</p> + +<p>"Because, Mawruss, you know them Arverne Sacques is the best sellers put +out in the cloak and suit business this year," Abe replied. "And +besides, Mawruss, we may be suckers, but that ain't no reason why Sammet +Brothers should know it."</p> + +<p>"Don't worry, Abe," said Morris; "they know they stuck us good and +plenty when they released Louis Grossman."</p> + +<p>"Do they?" Abe rejoined. "Well, they don't know it unless you told 'em. +Louis Grossman won't tell 'em and I didn't tell 'em when I met Leon and +Barney at lunch to-day."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 35 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span>"What did you tell 'em!" Morris asked, somewhat alarmed.</p> + +<p>"I told 'em, Mawruss, that the season is comparatively young yet, but we +already made from ten to twenty per cent. more sales by our new +designer. I told Leon them new styles what Louis Grossman got up for us +is selling so big we can't put 'em out fast enough."</p> + +<p>"And what did Leon say?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>"He didn't say nothing," Abe replied, "but he looked like his best +customer had busted up on him. Then I showed him the order what we got +from Ike Herzog, and he started in right away to call Barney down for +going home early the day before. I tell you, Mawruss, he was all broke +up."</p> + +<p>"I know, Abe," Morris commented, "that's all right, too, but, all the +same, we ain't got much of a laugh on them two boys, so long as Louis +Grossman loafs away upstairs drawing sixty dollars a week and five per +cent. of the profits."</p> + +<p>"Well," Abe replied, "what are you going to do about it? Henry D. +Feldman drew up the contract, and you know, Mawruss, contracts what +Henry D. Feldman makes nobody can break."</p> + +<p>"Can't they?" Morris cried. "Well, if Henry D. Feldman made it can't +Henry D. Feldman break it? What good is the lawyer, anyhow, what can't +get us out of the contract what he fixed up himself?"</p> + +<p>Abe pondered over the situation for five minutes.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 36 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span>"You're right, Mawruss," he said at length; "I'll go and see +Henry D. Feldman the first thing to-morrow morning."</p> + +<p>The next morning Leon Sammet sat at his roll-top desk in his private +office, while Barney went over the morning mail.</p> + +<p>"Hallo," Barney cried, "here's a check from Horowitz & Finkelbein +for the full amount of their bill, Leon. I guess they thought better of +that return shipment they made of them bum garments that Louis Grossman +designed. They ain't made no deduction on account of it."</p> + +<p>"Bum garments, nothing," Leon commented. "Them garments was all right, +Barney. I guess we didn't know how to treat Louis Grossman when he +worked by us. Look at the big success he's making by Potash & +Perlmutter. I bet yer they're five thousand ahead on the season's sales +already. We thought they was suckers when they paid us ten thirty-three, +thirty-three for him, but I guess the shoe pinches on the other foot, +Barney. I wish we had him back, that's all. Them four new designs what +he made for Potash & Perlmutter is tremendous successes. What did he +done for us, Barney? One garment, the Arverne Sacque, and I bet yer them +four styles will put the Arverne Sacque clean out of business."</p> + +<p>"Well, Leon," said Barney, "you traded him off so smart, why don't you +get him back? Why don't you see him, Leon?"</p> + +<p><!-- Page 37 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span>"I <i>did</i> see him," said Leon. "I called at his house last night."</p> + +<p>"And what did he say?" Barney asked.</p> + +<p>"He said he's under contract, as you know, with Potash & Perlmutter, +and that if we can get him out of it he's only too glad to come back to +us. But Henry D. Feldman drew up that contract, Barney, and you know as +well as I do, Barney, that what Henry D. Feldman draws up is drawn up +for keeps, ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"There's loopholes in every contract, Leon," said Barney, "and a smart +lawyer like Henry D. Feldman can find 'em out quick enough. Why don't +you go right round and see Henry D. Feldman? Maybe he can fix it so as +to get Louis back here."</p> + +<p>Leon shut down his roll-top desk and seized his hat.</p> + +<p>"That's a good idea, Barney," he said. "I guess I'll take your advice."</p> + +<p>It is not so much to know the law, ran Henry D. Feldman's motto, +paraphrasing a famous dictum of Judge Sharswood, as to look, act and +talk as though you knew it. To this end Mr. Feldman seldom employed +a word of one syllable, if it had a synonym of three or four syllables, +and such phrases as <i>res gestæ</i>, <i>scienter</i>, and <i>lex fori +delicti</i> were the very life of his conversation with clients.</p> + +<p>"The information which you now disclose, Mr. Sammet," he said, +after Leon had made known his predicament, "is all <i>obiter dicta</i>."</p> + +<p>Leon blushed. He imagined this to be somewhat<!-- Page 38 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span> harsh criticism of +the innocent statement that he thought Potash & Perlmutter could be +bluffed into releasing Louis Grossman.</p> + +<p>"<i>Imprimis</i>," Mr. Feldman went on, "I have not been consulted by +Mr. Grossman about what he desires done in the matter, but, +speaking <i>ex cathedra</i>, I am of the opinion that some method might be +devised for rescinding the contract."</p> + +<p>"You mean we can get Potash & Perlmutter to release him?"</p> + +<p>"Precisely," said Mr. Feldman, "and in a very elementary and +efficacious fashion."</p> + +<p>"Well, I ain't prepared to pay so much money at once," said Leon.</p> + +<p>Now, when it came to money matters, Henry D. Feldman's language could be +colloquial to the point of slang.</p> + +<p>"What's biting you now?" he said. "I ain't going to charge you too much. +Leave it to me, and if I deliver the goods it will cost you two hundred +and fifty dollars."</p> + +<p>Leon sighed heavily, but he intended getting Louis back at all costs, +not, however, to exceed ten thirty-three, thirty-three.</p> + +<p>"Well, I ain't kicking none if you can manage it," he replied. "Tell us +how to go about it."</p> + +<p>Straightway Mr. Feldman unfolded a scheme which, stripped of its +technical phraseology, was simplicity itself. He rightly conjectured +that the most burdensome feature of the contract, so far as Potash<!-- +Page 39 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span> & Perlmutter were concerned, was the five per +cent. share of the profits that fell to Louis Grossman each week. He +therefore suggested that Louis approach Abe Potash and request that, +instead of five per cent. of the profits, he be paid a definite sum each +week, for the cloak and suit business has its dull spells between +seasons, when profits occasionally turn to losses. Thus Louis could +advance as a reason that he would feel safer if he be paid, say, twenty +dollars a week the year round in lieu of his uncertain share of the +profits.</p> + +<p>"Abe Potash will jump at that," Leon commented.</p> + +<p>"I anticipate that he will," Mr. Feldman went on, "and then, after +he has paid Mr. Grossman the first week's installment it will +constitute a rescission of the old contract and a substitution of a new +one, which will be a contract of hiring from week to week. At the +conclusion of the first week their contractual relations can be severed +at the option of either party."</p> + +<p>"But I don't want them to do nothing like that," Leon said. "I just want +Louis to quit his job with Potash & Perlmutter and come and work by +us."</p> + +<p>"Look a-here, Sammet," Feldman broke in impatiently. "I can't waste a +whole morning talking to a boob that don't understand the English +language. You're wise to the part about Louis Grossman asking for twenty +dollars a week steady, instead of his share of the proceeds, ain't you?"</p> + +<p>Leon nodded.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 40 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span>"Then if Potash falls for it," Feldman concluded, "as soon as +Grossman gets the first twenty out of him he can throw up his job on the +spot. See?"</p> + +<p>Leon nodded again.</p> + +<p>"Then clear out of this," said Feldman and pushed a button on his desk +to inform the office-boy that he was ready for the next client.</p> + +<p>As Leon passed through the outer office he encountered Ike Herzog of the +Bon Ton Credit Outfitting Company, who was solacing himself with the +Daily Cloak and Suit Record in the interval of his waiting.</p> + +<p>"Good morning, Mr. Herzog," Leon exclaimed. "So you got your +troubles, too."</p> + +<p>"I ain't got no troubles, Leon," Ike Herzog said, "but I got to use a +lawyer in my business once in awhile. Just now I'm enlarging my place, +and I got contracts to make and new people to hire. I hope <i>you</i> ain't +got no law suits nor nothing."</p> + +<p>"Law suits ain't in my line, Mr. Herzog," Leon said. "Once in +awhile I change my working people, too. That's why I come here."</p> + +<p>"Sometimes you change 'em for the worse, Leon," Herzog commented, +indicating Abe Potash's effective ad with a stubby forefinger. "You +certainly made a mistake when you got rid of Louis Grossman. He's +turning out some elegant stuff for Potash & Perlmutter."</p> + +<p>Leon nodded gloomily.</p> + +<p>"Well, we all make mistakes, Mr. Herzog," he said, "and that's why +we got to come here."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 41 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span>"That's so," Herzog agreed, as Leon opened the door. "I hope I +ain't making no mistake in what <i>I'm</i> going to do."</p> + +<p>"I hope not," Leon said as he passed out. "Good morning."</p> + +<p>Ike Herzog's interview with Henry D. Feldman was short and very much to +his satisfaction, for when he emerged from Feldman's sanctum, to find +Abe Potash waiting without, he could not forbear a broad smile. Abe +nodded perfunctorily and a moment later was closeted with the oracle.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Feldman," he said, "I come to ask you an advice, and as I'm +pretty busy this morning, do me the favor and leave out all them <i>caveat +emptors</i>."</p> + +<p>"Sure thing," Feldman replied. "Tell me all about it."</p> + +<p>"Well, then, Mr. Feldman," said Abe, "I want to get rid of Louis +Grossman."</p> + +<p>Mr. Feldman almost jumped out of his chair.</p> + +<p>"I want to fire Louis Grossman," Abe repeated. "You remember that you +drew me up a burglar-proof contract between him and us a few weeks ago, +and now I want you to be the burglar and bust it up for me."</p> + +<p>Feldman touched the button on his desk.</p> + +<p>"Bring me the draft of the contract between Potash & Perlmutter and +Louis Grossman that I dictated last month," he said to the boy who +answered.</p> + +<p>In a few minutes the boy returned with a large<!-- Page 42 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span> envelope. He was +instructed never to come back empty-handed when asked to bring anything, +and, in this instance the envelope held six sheets of folded legal cap, +some of which contained the score of a pinochle game, played after +office hours on Saturday afternoon between the managing clerk and the +process-server.</p> + +<p>Feldman put the envelope in his pocket and retired to a remote corner of +the room. There he examined the contents of the envelope and, knitting +his brows into an impressive frown, he took from the well-stocked +shelves that lined the walls book after book of digests and reports. +Occasionally he made notes on the back of the envelope, and after the +space of half an hour he returned to his chair and prepared to deliver +himself of a weighty opinion.</p> + +<p>"In the first place," he said, "this man Grossman ain't incompetent in +his work, is he?"</p> + +<p>"Incompetent!" Abe exclaimed. "Oh, no, he ain't incompetent. He's +competent enough to sue us for five thousand dollars after we fire him, +if that's what you mean."</p> + +<p>"Then I take it that you don't want to discharge him for incompetence +and risk a law suit," Mr. Feldman went on. "Now, before we go on, +how much does his share of your profits amount to each week?"</p> + +<p>"About thirty dollars in the busy season," Abe replied.</p> + +<p>"Then here's your scheme," said Feldman. "You<!-- Page 43 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span> go to Grossman and +say: 'Look a-here, Grossman, this business of figuring out profits each +week is a troublesome piece of bookkeeping. Suppose we call your share +of the profits forty dollars a week and let it go at that.' D'ye suppose +Grossman would take it?"</p> + +<p>"Would a cat eat liver?" said Abe.</p> + +<p>"Well, then," Feldman now concluded, "after Grossman accepts the offer, +and you pay him the first installment of forty dollars you're +substituting a new weekly contract in place of the old yearly one, and +you can fire Grossman just as soon as you have a mind to."</p> + +<p>"But suppose he sues me, anyhow?" said Abe.</p> + +<p>"If he does," Feldman replied. "I won't charge you a cent; otherwise +it'll be two hundred and fifty dollars."</p> + +<p>He touched the bell in token of dismissal.</p> + +<p>"This fellow, Grossman, is certainly a big money-maker," he said to +himself, after Abe had gone, "<i>for me</i>."</p> + +<p>The following Saturday Abe sat in the show-room making up the weekly +payroll, and with his own hand he drew a check to the order of Louis +Grossman for forty dollars.</p> + +<p>"Mawruss," he said, "do me the favor and go upstairs to Louis Grossman. +You know what to say to him."</p> + +<p>"Why should <i>I</i> go, Abe?" Morris said. "You know the whole plan. You saw +Feldman."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 44 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span>"But it don't look well for me," Abe rejoined. "Do me the favor +and go yourself."</p> + +<p>Morris shrugged his shoulders and departed, while Abe turned to the +pages of the Daily Cloak and Suit Record to bridge over the anxious +period of Morris' absence. The first item that struck his eye appeared +under the heading, "Alterations and Improvements."</p> + +<p>"The Bon Ton Credit Outfitting Company, Isaac Herzog, Proprietor," it +read, "is about to open a manufacturing department, and will, on and +after June 1, do all its own manufacturing and alterations in the +enlarged store premises, Nos. 5940, 5942 and 5946 Second Avenue."</p> + +<p>Abe laid down the paper with a sigh.</p> + +<p>"There's where we lose another good customer," he said as Morris +returned. A wide grin was spread over Morris' face.</p> + +<p>"Well, Mawruss?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"Yes, Abe," Morris replied. "Ten hundred and thirty-three, thirty-three +you paid for him. And now you must pay him forty dollars a week. <i>I</i> +ain't so generous, Abe, believe me. I settled with him for +twenty-seven-fifty."</p> + +<p>"Well, Mawruss, it's only for one week," Abe protested.</p> + +<p>"I know," said Morris, "but why should <i>he</i> get the benefit of it?"</p> + +<p>"Did you have much of a time getting him to take it?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 45 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span>"It was like this," Morris explained. "I told him what you said +about a lump sum in place of profits and asked him to name his price, +and the first thing he says was twenty-seven-fifty."</p> + +<p>"And you let him have it for that?" Abe cried. "You're a business man, +Mawruss, I must say. I bet yer he would have took twenty-five."</p> + +<p>He tore up the check for forty dollars and drew a new one for +twenty-seven-fifty.</p> + +<p>"Here, Mawruss," he said, "take it up to him like a good feller."</p> + +<p>It was precisely noon when Morris delivered the check to Louis Grossman, +and it was one o'clock when Louis went out to lunch.</p> + +<p>Three o'clock struck before Abe first noted his absence.</p> + +<p>"Ain't that feller come back from his dinner yet, Mawruss?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"No," Morris replied. "I wonder what can be keeping him. He generally +takes half an hour for his dinner."</p> + +<p>At this juncture the telephone bell rang in the rear of the store and +Abe answered it.</p> + +<p>"Hello," he said; "yes, this is Potash & Perlmutter. Oh, hello, +Leon, what can we do for you?"</p> + +<p>"I want to speak to Louis Grossman. Can you call him to the 'phone?" +Leon said.</p> + +<p>"Louis ain't in," Abe said. "Do you want to leave a message for him?"</p> + +<p>"Well," Leon hesitated, "the fact is—we had an<!-- Page 46 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span> appointment +with him for two o'clock over here, and he ain't showed up yet."</p> + +<p>"Appointment with Louis!" Abe said. "Why, what should you have an +appointment with Louis for, Leon?"</p> + +<p>"Well," Leon stammered, "I—now—got to see +him—now—about them Arverne Sacques."</p> + +<p>"Oh!" Abe said. "I understand. Well, he went to lunch about twelve +o'clock, and he ain't come back yet. Is there anything what we can do +for you, Leon?"</p> + +<p>But Sammet had hung up the receiver without waiting for further +conversation.</p> + +<p>At four o'clock the telephone rang again, and once more Abe answered it.</p> + +<p>"Hello," he said. "Yes, this is Potash & Perlmutter. Oh! hello, +Leon! What can we do for you <i>now</i>?"</p> + +<p>"Abe," Leon said, "Louis ain't showed up yet. Has he showed up at your +place yet?"</p> + +<p>"No, he ain't, Leon," Abe replied. "You seem mighty anxious to see him. +Why, what for should I try to prevent him speaking to you? He ain't +here, I tell you. All right, Leon; then I'm a liar."</p> + +<p>He hung up the receiver with a bang, and an hour later when Morris and +he locked up the place, Louis' absence remained a complete mystery to +his employers.</p> + +<p>On Monday morning Abe and Morris opened the store at seven-thirty, and +while Morris examined the<!-- Page 47 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span> mail, Abe took up the Daily Cloak and +Suit Record and scanned the business-trouble column. There were no +failures of personal or firm interest to Abe, so he passed on to the +new-business column. The first item caused him to gasp, and he almost +swallowed the butt of his cigar. It read:</p> + +<p class="block1">A partnership has this day been formed between Isaac Herzog and Louis +Grossman, to carry on the business of the Bon Ton Credit Outfitting +Company, under the same firm name. It is understood that +Mr. Grossman will have charge of the designing and manufacturing +end of the concern.</p> + +<p>He handed the paper over to Morris and lit a fresh cigar.</p> + +<p>"Another sucker for Louis Grossman," he said, "and I bet yer Henry D. +Feldman drew up the copartnership papers."</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <h2>CHAPTER III</h2> <br /> <br /> <p>When Mr. Siegmund Lowenstein, proprietor of the +O'Gorman-Henderson Dry-Goods Company of Galveston, Texas, entered Potash +& Perlmutter's show-room, he expected to give only a small order. +Mr. Lowenstein usually transacted his business with Abe Potash, who +was rather conservative in matters of credit extension, more especially +since Mr. Lowenstein was reputed to play auction pinochle with poor +judgment and for high stakes.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 48 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span>Therefore, Mr. Lowenstein intended to buy a few staples, +specialties of Potash & Perlmutter, and to reserve the balance of +his spring orders for other dealers who entertained more liberal credit +notions than did Abe Potash. Much to his gratification, however, he was +greeted by Morris Perlmutter.</p> + +<p>"Ah, Mr. Perlmutter," he said; "glad to see you. Is Mr. Potash +in?"</p> + +<p>"He's home, sick, to-day," Morris replied.</p> + +<p>Mr. Lowenstein clucked sympathetically.</p> + +<p>"You don't say so," he murmured. "That's too bad. What seems to be the +trouble?"</p> + +<p>"He's been feeling mean all the winter," Morris replied. "The doctor +says he needs a rest."</p> + +<p>"That's always the way with them hard-working fellers," +Mr. Lowenstein went on. "I'm feeling pretty sick myself, I assure +you, Mr. Perlmutter. I've been working early and late in my store. +We never put in such a season before, and we done a phenomenal holiday +business. We took stock last week and we're quite cleaned out. I bet you +we ain't got stuck a single garment in any line—cloaks, suits, +clothing or furs."</p> + +<p>"I'm glad to hear it," Morris said.</p> + +<p>"And we expect this season will be a crackerjack, too," he continued. "I +had to give a few emergency orders to jobbers down South before I left +Galveston, we had such an early rush of spring trade."</p> + +<p>"Is that so?" Morris commented. "I wish we could say the same in New +York."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 49 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span>"You don't tell me!" Mr. Lowenstein rejoined. "Why, I was +over by Garfunkel and Levy just now, and Mr. Levy says he is almost +too busy. I looked over their line and I may place an order with them, +although they ain't got too good an assortment, Mr. Perlmutter."</p> + +<p>"Far be it from me to knock a competitor's line, Mr. Lowenstein," +Morris commented, "but I honestly think they get their designers off of +Ellis Island."</p> + +<p>"Well," Mr. Lowenstein conceded, "of course I don't say they got so +good an assortment what you have, Mr. Perlmutter, but they got a +liberal credit policy."</p> + +<p>"Why, what's the matter with <i>our</i> credit policy?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>"Nothing," Mr. Lowenstein replied. "Only a merchant like me, what +wants to enlarge his business, needs a little better terms than thirty +days. Ain't it? I'm improving my departments all the time, and I got to +buy more fixtures, lay in a better stock and even build a new wing to my +store building. All this costs money, Mr. Perlmutter, as you know, +and contractors must be paid strictly for cash. Under the circumstances, +I need ready money, and, naturally, the house what gives me the most +generous credit gets my biggest order."</p> + +<p>"Excuse me for a moment," Morris broke in, "I think I hear the +telephone."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 50 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span>He walked to the rear of the store, where the telephone bell had +been trilling impatiently.</p> + +<p>"Hello," he said, taking the receiver off the hook.</p> + +<p>"Hello," said a voice from the other end of the line. "Is this Potash +& Perlmutter?"</p> + +<p>"It is," said Morris.</p> + +<p>"Well, this is Garfunkel & Levy," the voice went on. "We understand +Mr. Lowenstein, of Galveston, is in your store. Will you please and +call him to the 'phone for a minute?"</p> + +<p>"This ain't no public pay station," Morris cried. "And besides, +Mr. Lowenstein just left here."</p> + +<p>He banged the receiver onto the hook and returned at once to the front +of the store.</p> + +<p>"Now, Mr. Lowenstein," he said, "what can I do for you?"</p> + +<p>And two hours later Mr. Lowenstein left the store with the +duplicate of a twenty-four-hundred-dollar order in his pocket, +deliveries to commence within five days; terms, ninety days net.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," Morris said the next day as his partner, Abe Potash, +entered the show-room, "how are you feeling to-day?"</p> + +<p>"Mean, Mawruss," Abe replied. "I feel mean. The doctor says I need a +rest. He says I got to go away to the country or I will maybe break +down."</p> + +<p>"Is <i>that</i> so?" said Morris, deeply concerned. "Well, then, you'd better +go right away, before you get real serious sick. Why not fix it so you +can go away to-morrow yet?"</p> + +<p><!-- Page 51 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span>"To-morrow!" Abe exclaimed. "It don't go so quick as all that, +Mawruss. You can't believe everything the doctors tell you. I ain't +exactly dead yet, Mawruss. I'm like the feller what everybody says is +going to fail, Mawruss. They give him till after Christmas to bust up, +and then he does a fine holiday trade, and the first thing you know, +Mawruss, he's buying real estate. No, Mawruss, I feel pretty mean, I +admit, but I think a good two-thousand-dollar order would put me all +right again, and so long as we wouldn't have no more trouble with +designers, Mawruss, I guess I would <i>stay</i> right too."</p> + +<p>"Well, if that's the case," said Morris, beaming all over, "I guess I +can fix you up. Siegmund Lowenstein, of Galveston, was in here +yesterday, and I sold him a twenty-four-hundred-dollar order, including +them forty-twenty-two's, and you know as well as I do, Abe, them +forty-twenty-two's is stickers. We got 'em in stock now over two months, +ever since Abe Magnus, of Nashville, turned 'em back on us."</p> + +<p>Abe's reception of the news was somewhat disappointing to Morris. He +showed no elation, but selected a slightly-damaged cigar from the K. to +O. first and second credit customers' box, and lit it deliberately +before replying.</p> + +<p>"How much was that last order he give us, Mawruss?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Four hundred dollars," Morris replied.</p> + +<p>"And what terms?" Abe continued.</p> + +<p>"Five off, thirty days."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 52 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span>"And what terms did <i>you</i> quote him yesterday?" asked Abe +inexorably.</p> + +<p>"Ninety days, net," Morris murmured.</p> + +<p>Abe puffed vigorously at his cigar, and there was a long and significant +silence.</p> + +<p>"I should think, Abe," Morris said at length, "the doctor wouldn't let +you smoke cigars if you was nearly breaking down."</p> + +<p>"So long as you sell twenty-four hundred dollars at ninety days to a +crook and a gambler like Siegmund Lowenstein, Mawruss," Abe replied, +"one cigar more or less won't hurt me. If I can stand a piece of news +like that, Mawruss, I guess I can stand anything. Why didn't you give +him thirty days' dating, too, Mawruss?"</p> + +<p>At once Morris plunged into a long account of the circumstances +attending the giving of Mr. Lowenstein's order, including the +telephone message from Garfunkel & Levy, and at its conclusion Abe +grew somewhat mollified.</p> + +<p>"Well, Mawruss," he said, "we took the order and I suppose we got to +ship it. When you deal with a gambler like Lowenstein you got to take a +gambler's chance. Anyhow, I ain't going to worry about it, Mawruss. Next +week I'm going away for a fortnight."</p> + +<p>"Where are you going, Abe?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>"To Dotyville, Pennsylvania," Abe replied. "We leave next Saturday. In +the meantime I ain't going to worry, Mawruss."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 53 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span>"That's right, Abe," said Morris.</p> + +<p>"Sure it's right," Abe rejoined. "I'm going to leave <i>you</i> to do the +worrying, and in the meantime I guess I'll look after getting out them +forty-twenty-two's. Them forty-twenty-two's—them plum-color +Empires was <i>your</i> idee, Mawruss. You said they'd make a hit with the +Southern trade, Mawruss, and I hope they do, Mawruss, for, if they +don't, there ain't much chance of our getting paid for them."</p> + +<p>A week later Abe Potash and his wife left for Dotyville, Pennsylvania, +and two days afterward Morris received the following letter:</p> <br /> <br /> <table +class="tspec2" summary="correspondence"> <tr> <td class="tdright1" colspan="2"><span class="smcap">DOTY'S UNION HOUSE</span>,</td> </tr> <tr> <td +class="tdright" colspan="2">Dotyville, Pennsylvania.</td> </tr> <tr> <td +class="tdleft" colspan="2"><i>Dear Morris:</i></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft" colspan="2">How is things in the store? +We got here the day before yesterday and I have got enough already. It +is a dead town. The food what they give us reminds me when Pincus Vesell +& me was partners together as new beginners and I was making +southern trips by dollar and a half a day houses American plan. The man +Doty what keeps the hotel also runs the general store also. He says a +fellow by the name of Levy used to run it but he couldnt make it go; he +made a failure of it. I tried to sell him a few garments but he claims +to be overstocked at present and I believe him. I seen some styles what +he tries to get rid of it what me & Pincus Vesell made up in small +lots way before the Spanish war already. It is a dead town. Me and Rosie +leave tonight for Pittsburg and we are going to stay with Rosies brother +in law Hyman Margolius. Write us how things is going in the store to the +Outlet Auction House Hyman Margolius prop 2132 4 & 6 North Potter +Ave Pittsburg Pa. You should see that Miss Cohen billed them 4022s +on date we packed them as Goldman<!-- Page 54 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span> the shipping clerk forgot to +give them to Arrow Dispatch when they called. That ain't our fault +Morris. Write and tell me how things is going in the store and dont +forget to tell Miss Cohen about the bill to S. Lowenstein as above</td> </tr> +<tr> <td class="tdleft"></td> <td class="tdcenter">Yours Truly</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft"></td> <td class="tdright"><span class="smcap">A. POTASH.</span></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft" colspan="2">P. S. How is things in the store?</td> </tr> </table> +<br /> <br /> + +<p>During the first three days of Abe Potash's vacation he had traveled by +local train one hundred and twenty miles to Dotyville, and unpacked and +packed two trunks under the shrill and captious supervision of Mrs. +Potash. Then followed a tiresome journey to Pittsburgh with two changes +of cars, and finally, on the morning of the fourth day, at seven-thirty +sharp, he accompanied Hyman Margolius to the latter's place of business.</p> + +<p>There he took off his coat and helped Hyman and his staff of assistants +to pile up and mark for auction a large consignment of clothing. After +this, he called off the lot numbers while Hyman checked them in a first +draft of a printed catalogue, and at one o'clock, with hands and face +all grimy from contact with the ill-dyed satinets of which the clothing +was manufactured, he partook of a substantial luncheon at Bleistift's +Restaurant and Lunch-Room.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," Hyman said, "how do you like the auction business so far as +you gone yet?"</p> + +<p>"It's a good, live business, Hymie," Abe replied; "but, the way it works +out, it ain't always on the square. A fellow what wants to do his +creditors buys<!-- Page 55 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span> goods in New York, we'll say, for his business +in—Galveston, we'll say, and then when he gets the goods he don't +even bother to unpack 'em, Hymie, but ships 'em right away to you. And +you examine 'em, and if they're all O. K., why, you send him a check for +about half what it costs to manufacture 'em. Then he pockets the check, +Hymie, and ten days later busts up on the poor sucker what sold him the +goods in New York at ninety days. Ain't that right, Hymie?"</p> + +<p>"Why, that's the funniest thing you ever seen!" Hyman exclaimed.</p> + +<p>"What's the funniest thing I ever seen, Hymie?"</p> + +<p>"You talking about Galveston, for instance."</p> + +<p>Abe turned pale and choked on a piece of <i>rosbraten</i>.</p> + +<p>"What d'ye mean?" he gasped.</p> + +<p>"Why," said Hyman, "I just received a consignment of garments from a +feller called Lowenstein in Galveston. He wrote me he was overstocked."</p> + +<p>"Overstocked?" Abe cried. "Overstocked? What color was them garments?"</p> + +<p>"Why, they was a kind of plum color," said Hyman.</p> + +<p>Abe put his hand to his throat and eased his collar.</p> + +<p>"And did you send him a check for 'em yet?" he croaked.</p> + +<p>"Not yet," said Hyman.</p> + +<p>Abe grabbed him by the collar.</p> + +<p>"Come!" he said. "Come quick by a lawyer!"</p> + +<p><!-- Page 56 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span>"What for?" Hyman asked. "You're pulling that coat all out of +shape yet."</p> + +<p>"I'll buy you another one," Abe cried. "Them plum-color garments is +mine, and I want to get 'em back."</p> + +<p>Hyman paid the bill, and on their way down the street they passed a +telegraph office.</p> + +<p>"Wait," Abe cried, "I must send Mawruss a wire."</p> + +<p>He entered and seized a telegraph form, which he addressed to Potash +& Perlmutter.</p> + +<p>"Don't ship no more goods to Lowenstein, Morris. Will explain by letter +to-night," he wrote.</p> + +<p>"Now, Hymie," he said after he had paid for the dispatch, "we go by your +lawyer."</p> + +<p>Five minutes later they were closeted with Max Marcus, senior member of +the firm of Marcus, Weinschenck & Grab, and a lodge brother of Hymie +Margolius. Max made a specialty of amputation cases. He was accustomed +to cashing missing arms and legs at a thousand dollars apiece for the +victims of rolling-mill and railway accidents, and when the sympathetic +jury brought in their generous verdict Max paid the expert witnesses and +pocketed the net proceeds. These rarely fell below five thousand +dollars.</p> + +<p>"Sit down, Hymie. Glad to see you, Mr. Potash," Max said, stroking +a small gray mustache with a five-carat diamond ring. "What can I do for +<i>you</i>?"</p> + +<p>"I got some goods belonging to Mr. Potash what a fellow called +Lowenstein in Galveston, Texas,<!-- Page 57 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span> shipped me," said Hymie, "and +Mr. Potash wants to get 'em back."</p> + +<p>"Replevin, hey?" Max said. "That's a little out of my line, but I guess +I can fix you up." He rang for a stenographer. "Take this down," he said +to her, and turned to Abe Potash. "Now, tell us the facts."</p> + +<p>Abe recounted the tale Mr. Lowenstein had related to Morris +Perlmutter, by which Lowenstein made it appear that he was completely +out of stock. Next, Hyman Margolius produced Siegmund Lowenstein's +letter which declared that Lowenstein was disposing of the Empire cloaks +because he was overstocked.</p> + +<p>"S'enough," Max declared. "Tell, Mr. Weinschenck to work it up into +an affidavit," he continued to the stenographer, "and bring us in a +jurat."</p> + +<p>A moment later she returned with a sheet of legal cap, on the top of +which was typewritten: "Sworn to before me this first day of April, +1904."</p> + +<p>"Sign opposite the brace," said Max, pushing the paper at Abe, and Abe +scrawled his name where indicated.</p> + +<p>"Now, hold up your right hand," said Max, and Abe obeyed.</p> + +<p>"Do you solemnly swear that the affidavit subscribed by you is true?" +Max went on.</p> + +<p>"What affidavit?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"Why, the one Weinschenck is going to draw when he comes back from +lunch, of course," Max replied.</p> + +<p>"Sure it's true," said Abe.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 58 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span>"All right," Max concluded briskly.</p> + +<p>"Now give me a check for fifty dollars for my fees, five dollars for a +surety company bond, and five dollars sheriff's fees, and I'll get out a +replevin order on the strength of that affidavit in half an hour, and +have a deputy around to the store at three o'clock to transfer the goods +from Hymie to you."</p> + +<p>"Sixty dollars is pretty high for a little thing like that, ain't it, +Max?" said Hymie.</p> + +<p>"High?" Max cried indignantly. "High? Why, if you wasn't a lodge brother +of mine, Hymie, I wouldn't have stirred a hand for less than a hundred."</p> + +<p>Thus rebuked, Abe paid over the sixty dollars, and Hymie and he went +back to the store. Precisely at three a deputy sheriff entered the front +door and flashed a gold badge as big as a dinner-plate. His stay was +brief, and in five minutes he had relieved Abe of all his spare cigars +and departed, leaving only a certified copy of the replevin order and a +strong smell of whisky to signalize the transfer of the Empire gowns +from Hymie to Abe.</p> + +<p>Hardly had he banged the door behind him when a messenger boy entered +and handed a telegram to Abe.</p> + +<p>"Ain't shipped no goods but the 4022's," it read. "Have wired Lowenstein +to return the 4022s. MORRIS."</p> + +<p>"Fine! Fine!" Abe exclaimed. He tipped the boy a dime and was about to +acquaint Hyman with<!-- Page 59 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span> the good news, when another messenger boy +entered and delivered a second telegram to Abe. It read as follows:</p> + +<p>"Lowenstein wires he insists on delivery entire order complete, +otherwise he will sue. What shall I wire him? MORRIS."</p> + +<p>Abe seized his hat and dashed down the street to the telegraph office.</p> + +<p>"Gimme a blank," he said to the operator, who handed him a whole padful. +For the next twenty minutes Abe scribbled and tore up by turns until he +finally evolved a satisfactory missive. This he handed to the operator, +who read it with a broad grin and passed it back at once.</p> + +<p>"Wot d'ye take me for?" he said. "A bum? Dere's ladies in de main +office."</p> + +<p>Abe glared at the operator and began again.</p> + +<p>"Here," he said to the operator after another quarter of an hour of +scribbling and tearing up, "send this."</p> + +<p>It was in the following form:</p> <dl> <dd><i>Don't send no more goods to Lowenstein</i></dd> +<dd><i> " " " " wires " nobody</i></dd> +</dl> + +<p>"Fourteen words," the operator said. "Fifty-four cents."</p> + +<p>"What's that?" Abe cried. "What yer trying to do? Make money on me? That +ain't no fourteen words. That's <i>nine</i> words."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 60 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span>"It is, hey?" the operator rejoined. "Quit yer kiddin'. Dat's +fourteen words. Ditto marks don't go, see?"</p> + +<p>"You're a fresh young feller," said Abe, paying over fifty-four cents, +"and I got a good mind to report you to the head office."</p> + +<p>The operator laughed raucously.</p> + +<p>"G'wan!" he said. "Beat it, or I'll sick de cops onter yer. It's agin +the law to cuss in Pittsburgh, even by telegraft."</p> + +<p>When Abe returned to the Outlet Auction House's store Hyman was busy +stacking up the plum-color gowns in piles convenient for shipping.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," he said, "I thought you was here for a vacation. You're +doing some pretty tall hustling for a sick man, I must say."</p> + +<p>"I'll tell you the truth, Hymie," Abe replied, "I ain't got no time to +be sick. It ain't half-past three yet, and I guess I'll take a couple of +them garments and see what I can do with the jobbing and retail trade in +this here town."</p> + +<p>"Don't you think you'd better take it easy for a while, Abe?" Hyman +suggested.</p> + +<p>"I am taking it easy," said Abe. "So long as I ain't working I'm +resting, ain't it, Hymie? And you know as well as I do, Hymie, selling +goods never was work to me. It's a pleasure, Hymie, I assure you."</p> + +<p>He placed two of the plum-colored Empire gowns under his arm, and +thrusting his hat firmly on the back of his head made straight for the +dry-goods<!-- Page 61 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span> district. Two hours later he returned, wearing a broad +smile that threatened to engulf his stubby black mustache between his +nose and his chin.</p> + +<p>"Hymie," he said, "I'm sorry I got to disturb that nice pile you made of +them garments. I'll get right to work myself and assort the sizes."</p> + +<p>"Why, what's the trouble now, Abe?" Hyman asked.</p> + +<p>"I disposed of 'em, Hymie," Abe replied. "Two hundred to Hamburg and +Weiss. Three hundred to the Capitol Credit Outfitting Company, and five +hundred to Feinroth and Pearl."</p> + +<p>"Hold on there, Abe!" Hymie exclaimed. "You only got six hundred, and +you sold a thousand garments."</p> + +<p>"I know, Hymie," said Abe, "but I'm going home to-morrow, and I got a +month in which to ship the balance."</p> + +<p>"Going home?" Hyman cried.</p> + +<p>"Sure," said Abe. "I had a good long vacation, and now I got to get down +to business."</p> + +<p>One morning, two weeks later, Abe sat with his feet cocked up on his +desk in the show-room of Potash & Perlmutter's spacious cloak and +suit establishment. Between his teeth he held a fine Pittsburgh cheroot +at an angle of about ninety-five degrees to his protruding under-lip, +and he perused with relish the business-trouble column of the Daily +Cloak and Suit Record.</p> + +<p>"Now, what do you think of that?" he exclaimed.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 62 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span>"What do I think of what, Abe?" Morris inquired.</p> + +<p>For answer Abe thrust the paper toward his partner with one hand, and +indicated a scare headline with the other.</p> + +<p>"Fraudulent Bankruptcy in Galveston," it read. "A petition in bankruptcy +was filed yesterday against Siegmund Lowenstein, doing business as the +O'Gorman-Henderson Dry-Goods Company, in Galveston, Texas. When the +Federal receiver took charge of the bankrupt's premises they were +apparently swept clean of stock and fixtures. It is understood that +Lowenstein has fled to Matamoros, Mexico, where his wife preceded him +some two weeks ago. The liabilities are estimated at fifty thousand +dollars, and the only asset is the store building, which is valued at +ten thousand dollars and is subject to mortgages aggregating about the +same amount. The majority of the creditors are in New York City and +Boston."</p> + +<p>Morris returned the paper to his partner without comment.</p> + +<p>"You see, Mawruss," said Abe, as he lit a fresh cheroot. "Sometimes it +pays to be sick. Ain't it?"</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <p><!-- Page 63 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span></p><h2>CHAPTER IV</h2> <br /> <br /> <p>"Never no more, Mawruss," said Abe Potash to +his partner as they sat in the show-room of their spacious cloak and +suit establishment one week after Abe's return from Pittsburgh. "Never +no more, Mawruss, because it ain't good policy. This is strictly a +wholesale business, and if once we sell a friend <i>one</i> garment that +friend brings a friend, and that friend brings also a friend, and the +first thing you know, Mawruss, we are doing a big retail business at a +net loss of fifty cents a garment."</p> + +<p>"But this ain't a friend, Abe," Morris protested. "It's my wife's +servant-girl. She seen one of them samples, style forty-twenty-two, them +plum-color Empires what I took it home to show M. Garfunkel on my +way down yesterday, and now she's crazy to have one. If she don't get +one my Minnie is afraid she'll leave."</p> + +<p>"All right," Abe said, "let her leave. If my Rosie can cook herself and +wash herself, Mawruss, I guess it won't hurt your Minnie. Let her try +doing her own work for a while, Mawruss. I guess it'll do her good."</p> + +<p>"But, anyhow, Abe, I told the girl to come down this morning and I'd +give her one for two dollars, and I guess she'll be here most any time +now."</p> + +<p>"Well, Mawruss," said Abe, "this once is all right,<!-- Page 64 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span> but never no +more. We ain't doing a cloak and suit business for the servant-girl +trade."</p> + +<p>Further discussion was prevented by the entrance of the retail customer +herself. Morris jumped quickly to his feet and conducted her to the rear +of the store, while Abe silently sought refuge in the cutting-room +upstairs.</p> + +<p>"What size do you think you wear, Lina?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>"Big," Lina replied. "Fat."</p> + +<p>"Yes, I know," Morris said, "but what size?"</p> + +<p>"Very fat," Lina replied. She was a Lithuanian and her generous figure +had never known the refining influence of a corset until she had landed +at Ellis Island two years before.</p> + +<p>"That's the biggest I got, Lina," Morris said, producing the +largest-size garment in stock. "Maybe if you try it on over your dress +you'll get some idea of whether it's big enough."</p> + +<p>Lina struggled feet first into the gown, which buttoned down the back, +and for five minutes Morris labored with clenched teeth to fasten it for +her.</p> + +<p>"That's a fine fit," he said, as he concluded his task. He led her +toward the mirror in the front of the show-room just as +M. Garfunkel entered the store door.</p> + +<p>"Hallo, Mawruss," he cried. "What's this? A new cloak model you got?"</p> + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> + +<p class="center"><img title="What's This? A New Cloak Model You Got?" width="400" +height="264" alt="What's This? A New Cloak Model You Got?" +src="images/002.jpg"></img></p> <h5><span class="smcap">What's This? A New Cloak Model You Got</span>?</h5> + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> + +<p>Morris blushed, while Lina and M. Garfunkel both<!-- Page 65 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span> made a +critical examination of the garment's eccentric fit.</p> + +<p>"Why, that's one of them forty-twenty-two's what I ordered a lot of this +morning, Mawruss. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>Morris gazed ruefully at the plum-color gown and nodded.</p> + +<p>"Then don't ship that order till you hear from me," M. Garfunkel +said. "I guess I got to hustle right along."</p> + +<p>"Don't be in a hurry, Mr. Garfunkel," Morris cried. "You ain't come +in the store just to tell me that, have you?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, I have," said Garfunkel, his eye still glued to Lina's bulging +figure. "That's all what I come for. I'll write you this afternoon."</p> + +<p>He slammed the door behind him and Morris turned to the unbuttoning of +the half-smothered Lina.</p> + +<p>"That'll be two dollars for <i>you</i>, Lina," he said, "and I guess it'll be +about four hundred for us."</p> + +<p>At seven the next morning, when Abe came down the street from the +subway, a bareheaded girl sat on the short flight of steps leading to +Potash & Perlmutter's store door. As Abe approached, the girl rose +and nodded, whereat Abe scowled.</p> + +<p>"If a job you want it," he said, "you should go round to the back door +and wait till the foreman comes."</p> + +<p>"Me no want job," she said. "Me <i>coosin</i>."</p> + +<p>"Cousin!" Abe cried. "Whose cousin?"</p> + +<p>"Lina's coosin," said the girl. She held out her<!-- Page 66 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span> hand and, +opening it, disclosed a two-dollar bill all damp and wrinkled. "Me want +dress like Lina."</p> + +<p>"What!" Abe cried. "So soon already!"</p> + +<p>"Lina got nice red dress. She show it me last night," the girl said. "Me +got one, too."</p> + +<p>She smiled affably, and for the first time Abe noticed the smooth, fair +hair, the oval face and the slender, girlish figure that seemed made for +an Empire gown. Then, of course, there was the two-dollar bill and its +promise of a cash sale, which always makes a strong appeal to a +credit-harried mind like Abe's. "Oh, well," he said with a sigh, leading +the way to the rack of Empire gowns in the rear of the store, "if I must +I suppose I must."</p> + +<p>He selected the smallest gown in stock and handed it to her.</p> + +<p>"If you can get into that by your own self you can have it for two +dollars," he said, pocketing the crumpled bill. "I don't button up +nothing for nobody."</p> + +<p>He gathered up the mail from the letter-box and carried it to the +show-room. There was a generous pile of correspondence, and the very +first letter that came to his hand bore the legend, "The Paris. Cloaks, +Suits and Millinery. M. Garfunkel, Prop." Abe mumbled to himself as he +tore it open.</p> + +<p>"I bet yer he claims a shortage in delivery, when we ain't even shipped +him the goods yet," he said, and commenced to read the letter; "I bet +yer he——"</p> + +<p>He froze into horrified silence as his protruding<!-- Page 67 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span> eyes took in +the import of M. Garfunkel's note. Then he jumped from his chair and ran +into the store, where the new retail customer was primping in front of +the mirror.</p> + +<p>"Out," he yelled, "out of my store."</p> + +<p>She turned from the fascinating picture in the looking-glass to behold +the enraged Abe brandishing the letter like a missile, and with one +terrified shriek she made for the door and dashed wildly toward the +corner.</p> + +<p>Morris was smoking an after-breakfast cigar as he strolled leisurely +from the subway, and when he turned into White Street Abe was still +standing on the doorstep.</p> + +<p>"What's the matter?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>"Matter!" Abe cried. "Matter! <i>Nothing's</i> the matter. Everything's fine +and dandy. Just look at that letter, Mawruss. That's all."</p> + +<p>Morris took the proffered note and opened it at once.</p> + +<p>"Gents," it read. "Your Mr. Perlmutter sold us them plum-color +Empires this morning, and he said they was all the thing on Fifth +Avenue. Now, gents, we sell to the First Avenue trade, like what was in +your store this afternoon when our Mr. Garfunkel called, and our +Mr. Garfunkel seen enough already. Please cancel the order. Your +Mr. Perlmutter will understand. Truly yours, The Paris. M. +Garfunkel, Prop."</p> + +<p>M. Garfunkel lived in a stylish apartment on One<!-- Page 68 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span> Hundred and +Eighteenth Street. His family consisted of himself, Mrs. Garfunkel, +three children and a Lithuanian maid named Anna, and it was a source of +wonder to the neighbors that a girl so slight in frame could perform the +menial duties of so large a household. She cooked, washed and sewed for +the entire family with such cheerfulness and application that Mrs. +Garfunkel deemed her a treasure and left to her discretion almost every +domestic detail. Thus Anna always rose at six and immediately awakened +Mr. Garfunkel, for M. Garfunkel's breakfast was an immovable feast, +scheduled for half-past six.</p> + +<p>But on the morning after he had purchased the plum-color gowns from +Potash & Perlmutter it was nearly eight before he awoke, and when he +entered the dining-room, instead of the two fried eggs, the sausage and +the coffee which usually greeted him, there were spread on the table +only the evening papers, a brimming ash-tray and a torn envelope bearing +the score of last night's pinochle game.</p> + +<p>He was about to return to the bedroom and report Anna's disappearance +when a key rattled in the hall door and Anna herself entered. Her cheeks +were flushed and her hair was blown about her face in unbecoming +disorder. Nevertheless, she smiled the triumphant smile of the +well-dressed.</p> + +<p>"Me late," she said, but Garfunkel forgot all about his lost breakfast +hour when he beheld the plum-color Empire.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 69 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span>"Why," he gasped, "that's one of them forty-twenty-two's I +ordered yesterday."</p> + +<p>Anna lifted both her arms the better to display the gown's perfection, +and Garfunkel examined it with the eye of an expert.</p> + +<p>"Let's see the back," he said. "That looks great on you, Anna."</p> + +<p>He spun her round and round in his anxiety to view the gown from all +angles.</p> + +<p>"I must have been crazy to cancel that order," he went on. "Where did +you get it, Anna?"</p> + +<p>"Me buy from Potash & Perlmutter," she said. "My coosin Lina works +by Mr. Perlmutter. She gets one yesterday for two dollar. Me see it +last night and like it. So me get up five o'clock this morning and go +downtown and buy one for two dollar, too."</p> + +<p>M. Garfunkel made a rapid mental calculation, while Anna left to +prepare the belated breakfast.</p> + +<p>He estimated that Anna had paid a little less for her retail purchase +than the price Potash & Perlmutter had quoted to him for hundred +lots.</p> + +<p>"They're worth it, too," he said to himself. "Potash & Perlmutter is +a couple of pretty soft suckers, to be selling goods below cost to +servant-girls. I always thought Abe Potash was a pretty hard nut, but I +guess I'll be able to do business with 'em, after all."</p> + +<p>At half-past ten M. Garfunkel entered the store of Potash & +Perlmutter and greeted Abe with a smile<!-- Page 70 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span> that blended apology, +friendliness and ingratiation in what M. Garfunkel deemed to be +just the right proportions. Abe glared in response.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," M. Garfunkel cried, "ain't it a fine weather?"</p> + +<p>"Is it?" Abe replied. "I don't worry about the kind of weather it is +when I gets cancelations, Mr. Garfunkel. What for you cancel that +order, Mr. Garfunkel?"</p> + +<p>M. Garfunkel raised a protesting palm.</p> + +<p>"Now, Abe," he said, "if you was to go into a house what you bought +goods off of and seen a garment you just hear is all the rage on Fifth +Avenue being tried on by a cow——"</p> + +<p>"A cow!" Abe said. "I want to tell you something, Mr. Garfunkel. +That lady what you see trying on them Empires was Mawruss' girl what +works by his wife, and while she ain't no Lillian Russell nor nothing +like that, y'understand, if you think you should get out of taking them +goods by calling her a cow you are mistaken."</p> + +<p>The qualities of ingratiation and friendliness departed from M. +Garfunkel's smile, leaving it wholly apologetic.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe, as a matter of fact," he said, "I ain't canceled that order +altogether <i>absolutely</i>, y'understand. Maybe if you make inducements I +might reconsider it."</p> + +<p>"Inducements!" Abe cried. "Inducements is nix. Them gowns costs us three +dollars apiece, and<!-- Page 71 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span> we give 'em to you for three-ten. If we make +any inducements we land in the poorhouse. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, the price is all right," M. Garfunkel protested, "but the +terms is too strict. I can't buy <i>all</i> my goods at ten days. Sammet +Brothers gives me a line at sixty and ninety days, and so I do most of +my business with them. Now if I could get the same terms by <i>you</i>, Abe, +I should consider your line ahead of Sammet Brothers'."</p> + +<p>"Excuse <i>me</i>," Abe interrupted. "I think I hear the telephone ringing."</p> + +<p>He walked to the rear of the store, where the telephone bell was +jingling.</p> + +<p>"Miss Cohen," he said to the bookkeeper as he passed the office, +"answer the 'phone. I'm going upstairs to speak to Mr. Perlmutter."</p> + +<p>He proceeded to the cutting-room, where Morris was superintending the +unpacking of piece-goods.</p> + +<p>"Mawruss," he said, "M. Garfunkel is downstairs, and he says he +will reconsider the cancelation and give it us a big order if we let him +have better terms. What d'ye say, Mawruss?"</p> + +<p>Morris remained silent for a minute.</p> + +<p>"Take a chance, Abe," he said at length. "He can't bust up on us by the +first bill. Can he?"</p> + +<p>"No," Abe agreed hesitatingly, "but he <i>might</i>, Mawruss?"</p> + +<p>"Sure he might," said Morris, "but if we don't take no chances, Abe, we +might as well go out of the cloak and suit business. Sell him all he +wants, Abe."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 72 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span>"I'll sell him all he can pay for, Mawruss," said Abe, "and I +guess that ain't over a thousand dollars."</p> + +<p>He returned to the first floor, where M. Garfunkel eagerly awaited +him, and produced a box of the firm's K. to M. first and second credit +customers' cigars.</p> + +<p>"Have a smoke, Mr. Garfunkel," he said.</p> + +<p>M. Garfunkel selected a cigar with care and sat down.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," he said, "that was a long talk you had over the telephone."</p> + +<p>"Sure it was," Abe replied. "The cashier of the Kosciusko Bank on Grand +Street rang me up. He discounts some of our accounts what we sell +responsible people, and he asks me that in future I get regular +statements from all my customers—those that I want to discount +their accounts in particular."</p> + +<p>M. Garfunkel nodded slowly.</p> + +<p>"Statements—you shall have it, Abe," he said, "but I may as well +tell you that it's foolish to discount bills what you sell <i>me</i>. I +sometimes discount them myself. I'll send you a statement, anyhow. Now +let's look at your line, Abe. I wasted enough time already."</p> + +<p>For the next hour M. Garfunkel pawed over Potash & Perlmutter's +stock, and when he finally took leave of Abe he had negotiated an order +of a thousand dollars; terms, sixty days net.</p> + +<p>The statement of M. Garfunkel's financial condition,<!-- Page 73 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span> which +arrived the following day, more than satisfied Morris Perlmutter and, +had it not been quite so glowing in character, it might even have +satisfied Abe Potash.</p> + +<p>"I don't know, Mawruss," he said; "some things looks too good to be +true, Mawruss, and I guess this is one of them."</p> + +<p>"Always you must worry, Abe," Morris rejoined. "If Vanderbilt and Astor +was partners together in the cloak and suit business, and you sold 'em a +couple of hundred dollars' goods, Abe, you'd worry yourself sick till +you got a check. I bet yer Garfunkel discounts his bill already."</p> + +<p>Morris' prophecy proved to be true, for at the end of four weeks +M. Garfunkel called at Potash & Perlmutter's store and paid his +sixty-day account with the usual discount of ten per cent. Moreover, he +gave them another order for two thousand dollars' worth of goods at the +same terms.</p> + +<p>In this instance, however, full fifty-nine days elapsed without word +from M. Garfunkel, and on the morning of the sixtieth day Abe entered +the store bearing every appearance of anxiety.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," Morris cried, "what's the matter now? You look like you was +worried."</p> + +<p>"I bet yer I'm worried, Mawruss," Abe replied.</p> + +<p>"Well, what's the use of worrying?" he rejoined. "M. Garfunkel's account +ain't due till to-day."</p> + +<p>"Always M. Garfunkel!" Abe cried. "M. Garfunkel don't worry me +much, Mawruss.<!-- Page 74 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span> I'd like to see a check from him, too, Mawruss, +but I ain't wasting no time on him. My Rosie is sick."</p> + +<p>"Sick!" Morris exclaimed. "That's too bad, Abe. What seems to be the +trouble?"</p> + +<p>"She got the rheumatism in her shoulder," Abe replied, "and she tries to +get a girl by intelligent offices to help her out, but it ain't no use. +It breaks her all up to get a girl, Mawruss. Fifteen years already she +cooks herself and washes herself, and now she's got to get a girl, +Mawruss, but she can't get one."</p> + +<p>Morris clucked sympathetically.</p> + +<p>"Maybe that girl of yours, Mawruss," Abe went on as though making an +innocent suggestion, "what we sell the forty-twenty-two to, maybe she +got a sister or a cousin maybe, what wants a job, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"I'll telephone my Minnie right away," Morris said, and as he turned to +do so M. Garfunkel entered. Abe and Morris rushed forward to greet +him. Each seized a hand and, patting him on the back, escorted him to +the show-room.</p> + +<p>"First thing," M. Garfunkel said, "here is a check for the current +bill."</p> + +<p>"No hurry," Abe and Morris exclaimed, with what the musical critics call +splendid attack.</p> + +<p>"Now that that's out of the way," M. Garfunkel went on, "I want to +give you another order. Only thing is, Mawruss, you know as well as I do +that in the installment cloak and suit business a feller needs a lot of +capital. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>Morris nodded.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 75 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span>"And if he buys goods only for cash or thirty or sixty days, +Abe," M. Garfunkel continued, "he sometimes gets pretty cramped for +money, because his own customers takes a long time to pay up. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>Abe nodded, too.</p> + +<p>"Well, then," M. Garfunkel concluded, "I'll give you boys a fine +order, but this time it's got to be ninety days."</p> + +<p>Abe puffed hard on his cigar, and Morris loosened his collar, which had +become suddenly tight.</p> + +<p>"I always paid prompt my bills. Ain't it?" M. Garfunkel asked.</p> + +<p>"Sure, Mr. Garfunkel," Abe replied. "<i>That</i> you did do it. But +ninety days is three months, and ourselves we got to pay our bills in +thirty days."</p> + +<p>"However," Morris broke in, "that is neither there nor here. A good +customer is a good customer, Abe, and so <i>I'm</i> agreeable."</p> + +<p>This put the proposition squarely up to Abe, and he found it a difficult +matter to refuse credit to a customer whose check for two thousand +dollars was even then reposing in Abe's waistcoat pocket.</p> + +<p>"All right," Abe said. "Go ahead and pick out your goods."</p> + +<p>For two solid hours M. Garfunkel went over Potash & +Perlmutter's line and, selecting hundred lots of their choicest styles, +bought a three-thousand-dollar order.</p> + +<p>"We ain't got but half of them styles in stock,"<!-- Page 76 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span> said Morris, +"but we can make 'em up right away."</p> + +<p>"Then, them goods what you got in stock, Mawruss," said Garfunkel, "I +must have prompt by to-morrow, and the others in ten days."</p> + +<p>"That's all right," Morris replied, and when M. Garfunkel left the +store Abe and Morris immediately set about the assorting of the ordered +stock.</p> + +<p>"Look a-here, Mawruss," Abe said, "I thought you was going to see about +that girl for my Rosie."</p> + +<p>"Why, so I was, Abe," Morris replied; "I'll attend to it right away."</p> + +<p>He went to the telephone and rang up his wife, and five minutes later +returned to the front of the store.</p> + +<p>"Ain't that the funniest thing, Abe," he said. "My Minnie speaks to the +girl, and the girl says she got a cousin what's just going to quit her +job, Abe. She'll be the very girl for your Rosie."</p> + +<p>"I don't know, Mawruss," Abe replied. "My Rosie is a particular woman. +She don't want no girl what's got fired for being dirty or something +like that, Mawruss. We first want to get a report on her and find out +what she gets fired for."</p> + +<p>"You're right, Abe," Morris said. "I'll find out from Lina to-night."</p> + +<p>Once more they fell to their task of assorting and packing the major +part of Garfunkel's order, and by six o'clock over fifteen hundred +dollars' worth of goods was ready for delivery.</p> + +<p>"We'll ship them to-morrow," Abe said, as they<!-- Page 77 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span> commenced to lock +up for the night, "and don't forget about that girl, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>On his way downtown the next morning Abe met Leon Sammet, senior member +of the firm of Sammet Brothers. Between Abe and Leon existed the nominal +truce of competition, which in the cloak and suit trade implies that +while they cheerfully exchanged credit information from their office +files they maintained a constant guerilla warfare for the capture of +each other's customers.</p> + +<p>Now, M. Garfunkel had been a particularly strong customer of Sammet +Brothers, and since Abe assumed that M. Garfunkel had dropped +Sammet Brothers in favor of Potash & Perlmutter his manner toward +Leon was bland and apologetic.</p> + +<p>"Well, Leon," he said, "how's business?"</p> + +<p>Leon's face wrinkled into a smile.</p> + +<p>"It could be better, of course, Abe," he said, "but we done a tremendous +spring trade, anyhow, even though we ain't got no more that sucker Louis +Grossman working for us. We shipped a couple of three-thousand-dollar +orders last week. One of 'em to Strauss, Kahn & Baum, of Fresno."</p> + +<p>These were old customers of Potash & Perlmutter, and Abe winced.</p> + +<p>"They was old customers of ours, Leon," he said, "but they done such a +cheap class of trade we couldn't cut our line enough to please 'em."</p> + +<p>"Is that so?" Leon rejoined. "Maybe M. Garfunkel was an old +customer of yours, too, Abe."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 78 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span>"M. Garfunkel?" Abe cried. "Was M. Garfunkel the other?"</p> + +<p>"He certainly was," Leon boasted. "We shipped him three thousand +dollars. One of our best customers, Abe. Always pays to the day."</p> + +<p>For the remainder of the subway journey Abe was quite unresponsive to +Leon's jibes, a condition which Leon attributed to chagrin, and as they +parted at Canal Street Leon could not forbear a final gloat.</p> + +<p>"I suppose, Abe, M. Garfunkel does too cheap a class of trade to +suit you, also. Ain't it?" he said.</p> + +<p>Abe made no reply, and as he walked south toward White Street Max +Lapidus, of Lapidus & Elenbogen, another and a smaller competitor, +bumped into him.</p> + +<p>"Hallo, Abe," Max said. "What's that Leon Sammet was saying just now +about M. Garfunkel?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, M. Garfunkel is a good customer of his," Abe replied +cautiously; "so he claims."</p> + +<p>"Don't you believe it," said Max. "M. Garfunkel told me himself he +used to do some business with Sammet Brothers, but he don't do it no +more. We done a big business with M. Garfunkel ourselves."</p> + +<p>"So?" Abe commented.</p> + +<p>"We sold him a couple of thousand dollars at ninety days last week," +Lapidus went on. "He's elegant pay, Abe. We sold him a good-size order +every couple of months this season, and he pays prompt to the day. Once +he discounted his bill."</p> + +<p>"Is that so?" Abe said, as they reached the front<!-- Page 79 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span> of Potash & +Perlmutter's store. "Glad to hear M. Garfunkel is so busy. +Good-morning, Max."</p> + +<p>Morris Perlmutter met him at the door.</p> + +<p>"Hallo, Abe," he cried. "What's the matter? You look pale. Is Rosie +worse?"</p> + +<p>Abe shook his head.</p> + +<p>"Mawruss," he said, "did you ship them goods to M. Garfunkel yet?"</p> + +<p>"They'll be out in ten minutes," Morris replied.</p> + +<p>"Hold 'em for a while till I telephone over to Klinger & Klein," Abe +said.</p> + +<p>"What you looking for, Abe?" Morris asked. "More information? You know +as well as I do, Abe, that Klinger & Klein is so conservative they +wouldn't sell Andrew Carnegie unless they got a certified check in +advance."</p> + +<p>"That's all right, Mawruss," Abe rejoined. "Maybe they wouldn't sell +Andrew Carnegie, but if I ain't mistaken they <i>did</i> sell M. Garfunkel. +Everybody sold him, even Lapidus & Elenbogen. So I guess I'll +telephone 'em."</p> + +<p>"Well, wait a bit, Abe," Morris cried. "My Minnie's girl Lina is here +with her cousin. I brought 'em down this morning so you could talk to +her yourself."</p> + +<p>"All right," Abe replied. "Tell 'em to come into the show-room."</p> + +<p>A moment later Lina and her cousin Anna entered the show-room. Both were +arrayed in Potash & Perlmutter's style forty-twenty-two, but while +Lina wore a green hat approximating the hue of early<!-- Page 80 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span> spring +foliage, Anna's head-covering was yellow with just a few crimson-lake +roses—about eight large ones—on the side.</p> + +<p>"Close the window, Mawruss," said Abe. "There's so much noise coming +from outside I can't hear myself think."</p> + +<p>"The window is closed, Abe," Morris replied. "It's your imagination."</p> + +<p>"Well, then, which one is which, Mawruss?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"The roses is Anna," Morris said. "Anna, you want to work by +Mr. Potash's lady?"</p> + +<p>"Sure she does," Abe broke in. "Only I want to ask you a few questions +before I hire you. Who did you work by before, Anna?"</p> + +<p>Anna hung her head and simpered.</p> + +<p>"Mister M. Garfunkel," she murmured.</p> + +<p>"Is that so?" Morris exclaimed. "Why, he's a good customer of ours."</p> + +<p>"Don't butt in, Mawruss," Abe said. "And what did you leave him for, +Anna?"</p> + +<p>"Me don't leave <i>them</i>," Anna replied. "Mrs. Garfunkel is fine lady. +Mister Garfunkel, too. They leave <i>me</i>. They goin' away next month, out +to the country."</p> + +<p>"Moving out to the country, hey?" said Abe. He was outwardly calm, but +his eyes glittered. "What country?"</p> + +<p>Anna turned to her cousin Lina and spoke a few words of Lithuanian.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 81 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</a></span>"She say she don't remember," Lina explained, "but she say is +something sounds like '<i>canned</i> goods'."</p> + +<p>"<i>Canned</i> goods?" Morris murmured.</p> + +<p>Abe bit the ends of his mustache for a moment, and then he leaped to his +feet. "<i>Canada!</i>" he yelled, and Lina nodded vigorously.</p> + +<p>He darted out of the show-room and ran to the telephone. In ten minutes +he returned, his face bathed in perspiration.</p> + +<p>"Anna," he croaked, "you come to work by me. Yes? How much you get by +that—that M. Garfunkel?"</p> + +<p>"Twenty dollars a month," Anna replied.</p> + +<p>"All right, we'll pay you twenty-two," he said. "You're cheap at the +price. So I expect you this evening."</p> + +<p>He turned to his partner after the girls had gone.</p> + +<p>"Mawruss," he said, "put them goods for M. Garfunkel back in stock. +I rung up Klinger & Klein and they sold him four thousand. I also +rung up the Perfection Cloak and Suit Company—also four thousand; +Margolius & Fried—two thousand; Levy, Martin & +Co.—three thousand, and so on. The way I figure it, he must of +bought a hundred thousand dollars' worth of goods, all in the last few +days, and all at ninety days net. He couldn't get a quarter of the goods +in that First Avenue building of his, Mawruss, so where is the rest? +Auction houses, Mawruss, north, south, east and west, and I bet yer he +got the advance<!-- Page 82 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</a></span> checks for each consignment deposited in Montreal +right now. I bet yer he didn't even unpack the cases before he +reshipped. Tell Miss Cohen to come in and bring her book."</p> + +<p>When Miss Cohen took her seat Abe rose and cleared his throat for +an epistle worthy of the occasion.</p> + +<p>"The Paris. M. Garfunkel, Proprietor," he said. "Gents: Owing to +circumstances which has arose——No. Wait a bit."</p> + +<p>He cleared his throat more vigorously.</p> + +<p>"The Paris. M. Garfunkel, Proprietor," he said. "Gents: Owing to the +fact that the <i>U</i>-nited States bankruptcy laws don't go nowheres except +in the <i>U</i>-nited States, we are obliged to cancel the order what you +give us. Thanking you for past favors and hoping to do a strictly-cash +business with you in the future, we are truly yours, Potash & +Perlmutter."</p> + +<p>Miss Cohen shut her book and arose.</p> + +<p>"Wait a bit, Miss Cohen. I ain't through yet," Abe said. He tilted +backward and forward on his toes for a moment.</p> + +<p>"P. S.," he concluded. "We hope you'll like it in Canada."</p> <hr +style="width: 65%;" /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <p><!-- Page 83 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</a></span></p> <h2>CHAPTER V</h2> <br /> <br /> <p>"Things goes pretty +smooth for us lately, Mawruss," Abe Potash remarked, shortly after M. +Garfunkel's failure. "I guess we are due for a <i>schlag</i> somewheres, +ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"Always you got to kick," Morris cried. "If you would only listen to +what <i>I</i> got to say oncet in a while, Abe, things would always go +smooth."</p> + +<p>Abe emitted a raucous laugh.</p> + +<p>"Sure, I know," he said, "like this here tenement house proposition you +was talking to me about, Mawruss. You ain't content we should have our +troubles in the cloak and suit business, Mawruss, you got to go outside +yet and find 'em. You got to go into the real estate business too."</p> + +<p>"Real-estaters ain't got no such trouble like <i>we</i> got it, Abe," Morris +retorted. "There ain't no seasons in real estate, Abe. A tenement house +this year is like a tenement house last year, Abe, also the year before. +They ain't wearing stripes in tenement houses one year, Abe, and solid +colors the next. All you do when you got a tenement house, Abe, is to go +round and collect the rents, and when you got a customer for it you +don't have to draw no report on him. Spot cash, he pays it, Abe, or else +you get a mortgage as security."</p> + +<p>"You talk like Scheuer Blumenkrohn, Mawruss,<!-- Page 84 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</a></span> when he comes round +here last year and wants to swap it two lots in Ozone Grove, Long +Island, for a couple of hundred misses' reefers," Abe replied. "When I +speculate, Mawruss, I take a hand at auction pinochle."</p> + +<p>"This ain't no speculation, Abe," said Morris. "This is an investment. I +seen the house, Abe, six stories and basement stores, and you couldn't +get another tenant into it with a shoehorn. It brings in a fine income, +Abe."</p> + +<p>"Well, if that's the case, Mawruss," Abe rejoined, "why does Harris +Rabin want to sell it? Houses ain't like cloaks and suits, Mawruss, you +admit it yourself. We sell goods because we don't get no income by +keepin' 'em. If we have our store full with cloaks, Mawruss, and they +brought in a good income while they was in here, Mawruss, I wouldn't +want to sell 'em, Mawruss; I'd want to keep 'em."</p> + +<p>"Sure," Morris replied. "But if the income was only four hundred and +fifty dollars a month, and next month you got a daughter what was +getting married to Alec Goldwasser, drummer for Klinger & Klein, and +you got to give Alec a couple of thousand dollars with her, but you +don't have no ready cash, <i>then</i>, Abe, you'd sell them cloaks, and so +that's why Harris Rabin wants to sell the house."</p> + +<p>"I want to tell you something, Mawruss," Abe replied. "Harris Rabin +could sell a phonograft to a deef-and-dummy. He could sell moving +pictures to a home for the blind, Mawruss. He could also sell<!-- Page +85 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</a></span> anything he wanted to anybody, Mawruss, for you know as +well as I do, Mawruss, Harris Rabin is a first-class, A-number-one +salesman. And so, if he wants to sell his house so cheap there's lots of +real-estaters what know a bargain in houses when they see it. We don't, +Mawruss. We ain't real-estaters. We're in the cloak and suit business, +and why should Harris Rabin be looking for us to buy his house?"</p> + +<p>"He ain't looking for us, Abe," Morris went on. "That's just the point. +I was by Harris Rabin's house last night, and I seen no less than three +real-estaters there. They all want that house, Abe, and if they want it, +why shouldn't we? Ike Magnus makes Harris an offer of forty-eight +thousand five hundred while I was sitting there already, but Harris +wants forty-nine for it. I bet yer, Abe, we could get it for forty-eight +seven-fifty—three thousand cash above the mortgages."</p> + +<p>"I suppose, Mawruss, you got three thousand lying loose around your +pants' pocket. What?"</p> + +<p>"Three thousand to a firm like us is nothing, Abe. I bet yer I could go +in and see Feder of the Kosciusko Bank and get it for the asking. We +ain't so poor, Abe, but what we can buy a bargain when we see it."</p> + +<p>Abe shrugged his shoulders.</p> + +<p>"Well, Mawruss, if I got to hear about Harris Rabin's house for the rest +of my life, all right. I'm agreeable, Mawruss; only, don't ask me to go +to no lawyers' offices nor nothing, Mawruss. There's<!-- Page 86 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</a></span> enough to do +in the store, Mawruss, without both of us loafing around lawyers' +offices."</p> + +<p>A more grudging acquiescence than this would have satisfied Morris, and, +without pausing for a cigar, he put on his hat and made straight for +Harris Rabin's place of business. The Equinox Clothing Company of which +Harris Rabin was president, board of directors and sole stockholder, +occupied the third loft of a building on Walker Street. There was no +elevator, and as Morris walked upstairs he encountered Ike Magnus at the +first landing.</p> + +<p>"Hallo, Mawruss!" Ike cried. "Are you buying clothing now? I thought you +was in the cloak and suit business."</p> + +<p>"Whatever business I'm in, Ike," Morris replied, "I'm in my own +business, Ike; and what is somebody else's business ain't my business, +Ike. That's the way I feel about it."</p> + +<p>He plodded slowly up the next flight, and there stood Samuel Michaelson, +another real-estate operator.</p> + +<p>"Ah, Mr. Perlmutter!" Samuel exclaimed. "You get around to see the +clothing trade once in a while, too. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"I get around to see all sorts of trade, Mr. Michaelson," Morris +rejoined. "I got to get around and hustle to make a living, +Mr. Michaelson, because, Mr. Michaelson, I can't make no +living by loafing around street corners and buildings, +Mr. Michaelson."</p> + +<p>"Don't mention it," said Mr. Michaelson as Morris<!-- Page 87 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</a></span> started up +the last flight. When he entered the Equinox Clothing Company's office +the clang of the bell drowned out the last words of Marks Henochstein's +sentence. Mr. Henochstein, another member of the real-estate +fraternity, was in intimate conference with Harris Rabin.</p> + +<p>"I think we got him going," he was saying. "My wife seen Mrs. Perlmutter +at a <i>Kaffeeklatsch</i> yesterday, and she told her I made you an offer of +forty-eight four-fifty for the house. Last night when he came around to +your place I told him the house ain't no bargain for any one what ain't +a real-estater, y'understand, and he gets quite mad about it. Also, I +watched him when Ike Magnus tells you he would give forty-eight five for +it, and he turned pale. If he——"</p> + +<p>At this juncture the doorbell rang and Morris entered.</p> + +<p>"No, sir<i>ee</i>, sir," Harris Rabin bawled. "Forty-nine thousand is my +figure, and that ain't forty-eight nine ninety-nine neither."</p> + +<p>Here he recognized Morris Perlmutter with an elaborate start and +extended his hand in greeting.</p> + +<p>"Hallo, Mawruss," he said. "Them real-estaters pester the life out of a +feller. 'Tain't no use your hanging around here, Henochstein," he called +in sterner tones. "When I make up my mind I make up my mind, and that's +all there is to it."</p> + +<p>Henochstein turned in crestfallen silence and passed slowly out of the +room.</p> + +<p>"Them sharks ain't satisfied that you're giving<!-- Page 88 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</a></span> away a house, +Mawruss," Harris went on. "They want it you should let 'em have coupons +and trading stamps with it."</p> + +<p>"How much did he offer you?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>"Forty-eight five-fifty," Harris Rabin replied. "That feller's got a +nerve like a horse."</p> + +<p>"Oh, I don't know," Morris murmured. "Forty-eight five-fifty is a good +price for the house, Harris."</p> + +<p>"Is it?" Harris cried. "Well, maybe you think so, but you ain't such a +<i>gri</i>terion."</p> + +<p>Morris was visibly offended at so harsh a rejoinder.</p> + +<p>"I know I ain't, Harris," he said. "If I was I wouldn't be here, Harris. +I come here like a friend, not like one of them—them—fellers +what you talk about. If it wasn't that my Minnie is such a friend to +your daughter Miriam I shouldn't bother myself; but, knowing Alec +Goldwasser as I do, and being a friend of yours always up to now, +Harris, I come to you and say I will give you forty-eight six hundred +for the house, and that is my last word."</p> + +<p>Harris Rabin laughed aloud.</p> + +<p>"Jokes you are making it, Mawruss," he said. "A joke is a joke, but when +a feller got all the trouble what I got it, as you know, Mawruss, he got +a hard time seeing a joke, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"That ain't no joke, Harris," Morris replied. "That's an offer, and I +can sit right down now and make a memorandum if you want it, and pay you +fifty dollars as a binder."</p> + +<p>"I'll tell you what I'll do, Mawruss," Harris said.<!-- Page 89 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</a></span> "You raised +Henochstein fifty dollars, so I'll come down fifty dollars, and that'll +be forty-eight thousand nine hundred and fifty."</p> + +<p>He grew suddenly excited and grabbed Morris by the arm.</p> + +<p>"Don't let's waste no time about it," he cried. "What's the use of +memorandums? We go right away by Henry D. Feldman and fix up the +contract."</p> + +<p>"Hold on." Morris said with a stare that blended frigidity and surprise +in just the right proportions. "I ain't said nothing about forty-eight +nine-fifty. What I said was forty-eight six."</p> + +<p>"You don't mean that, Mawruss," Harris replied. "You mean forty-eight +<i>nine</i>."</p> + +<p>Morris saw that the psychological moment had arrived.</p> + +<p>"Look-y here, now, Harris," he said. "Forty-eight six from forty-eight +nine is three hundred. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>Harris nodded.</p> + +<p>"Then," Morris announced, "we'll split the difference and make it +forty-eight seven-fifty."</p> + +<p>For one thoughtful moment Harris remained silent, and then he clapped +his hand into that of Morris.</p> + +<p>"Done!" he cried.</p> + +<p>Twenty days elapsed, during which Potash & Perlmutter took title to +Harris Rabin's house and paid the balance of the purchase price, +moieties of which found their way into the pockets of Magnus, Michaelson +and Henochstein. At length, the first of the<!-- Page 90 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</a></span> month arrived and +Abe and Morris left the store early so that they might collect the rents +of their real property.</p> + +<p>"<i>I</i> seen the house, Abe, and <i>you</i> seen the house," Morris said as they +turned the corner of the crowded East Side street on which their +property fronted, "but you can't tell nothing from looking at a +property, Abe. When you get the rents, Abe, <i>that's</i> when you find it +out that you got a fine property, Abe."</p> + +<p>He led the way up the front stoop of the tenement and knocked at the +first door on the left-hand side. There was no response.</p> + +<p>"They must be out. Ain't it?" Abe suggested.</p> + +<p>Morris faced about and knocked on the opposite door, with a similar lack +of response.</p> + +<p>"I guess they go out to work and lock up their rooms," Morris explained. +"We should have came here after seven o'clock."</p> + +<p>They walked to the end of the hall and knocked on the door of one of the +two rear apartments.</p> + +<p>"Come!" said a female voice.</p> + +<p>Morris opened the door and they entered.</p> + +<p>"We've come for the rent," he said. "Him and me is the new landlords."</p> + +<p>The tenant excused herself while she retired to one of the inner rooms +and explored her person for the money. Then she handed Morris ten greasy +one-dollar bills.</p> + +<p>"What's this?" Morris cried. "I thought the rear<!-- Page 91 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</a></span> rooms were +fourteen dollars a month. I saw the receipts made out last month."</p> + +<p>The tenant grinned fiendishly.</p> + +<p>"Sure you did," she replied. "We've been getting all kinds of receipts. +Oncet we got a receipt for eighteen dollars, when dere was some +vacancies in de house, but one of de syndicate says he'd get some more +of dem 'professional' tenants, because it didn't look so good to a +feller what comes snooping around for to <i>buy</i> the house, to see such +high rents."</p> + +<p>"Syndicate?" Abe murmured. "Professional tenants?"</p> + +<p>"Sure," the tenant replied. "Dere was four to de syndicate. Magnus was +one. Sumpin about a hen was de other, and den dere was dis here Rabin +and a guy called Michaelson."</p> + +<p>"And what is this about professional tenants?" Morris croaked.</p> + +<p>"Oh, dere was twenty-four families in de house, includin' de +housekeeper," the tenant replied. "Eighteen of 'em was professionals, +and when de syndicate sold youse de house de professionals moved up to a +house on Fourt' Street what de syndicate owns."</p> + +<p>Abe pulled his hat over his eyes and thrust his hands into his trousers' +pockets.</p> + +<p>"S'enough, lady," he said; "I heard enough already."</p> + +<p>He turned to Morris.</p> + +<p>"Yes, Mawruss," he said bitterly. "You're right.<!-- Page 92 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</a></span> There ain't no +seasons in real estate nor in suckers neither, Mawruss. You can catch +'em every day in the year, Mawruss. I'm going home, but if you need an +express wagon to carry away them rents, Mawruss, there's a livery stable +around the corner."</p> + +<p>It was at least a week before Abe could bring himself to address his +partner, save in the gruffest monosyllables; but an unusual rush of +spring customers brought about a reconciliation, and Abe and Morris +forgot their real-estate venture in the reception of out-of-town trade. +In the conduct of their business Morris devoted himself to manufacturing +and shipping the goods, while Abe attended to the selling end. Twice a +year Abe made a long trip to the West or South, with shorter trips down +East between times, and he never tired of reminding his partner how +overworked he, Abe, was.</p> + +<p>"I got my hands full, Mawruss," he said, after he had greeted half a +dozen Western customers; "I got enough to do here, Mawruss, without +running around the country. We ought to do what other houses does, +Mawruss. We ought to get a good salesman. We got three thousand dollars +to throw away on real estate, Mawruss; why don't we make an investment +like Sammet Brothers made it? Why don't we invest in a crackerjack, +A-number-one salesman?"</p> + +<p>"I ain't stopping you, Abe," Morris replied. "Why don't we? Klinger +& Klein has a good boy, Alec Goldwasser. He done a big trade for +'em, Abe, and they don't pay him much, neither."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 93 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</a></span>"Alec Goldwasser!" Abe cried. "I'm surprised to hear you, +Mawruss, you should talk that way. We paid Alec Goldwasser enough +already, Mawruss. We paid him that two thousand dollars what he got with +Miriam Rabin."</p> + +<p>Morris looked guilty.</p> + +<p>"Ain't I told you yet, Abe?" he said. "I thought I told you."</p> + +<p>"You ain't told me nothing," said Abe.</p> + +<p>"Why, Alec Goldwasser and Miriam Rabin ain't engaged no longer. The way +my Minnie tells me, Rabin says he don't want his daughter should marry a +man without a business of his own, so the match is off."</p> + +<p>"Well, Mawruss," Abe commented, "you can't make me feel bad by telling +me <i>that</i>. But anyhow, I don't see no medals on Alec Goldwasser as a +salesman, neither. He ain't such a salesman what we want it, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"All right," Morris replied. "It's you what goes on the road, not me, +and you meet all the drummers. Suggest somebody yourself."</p> + +<p>Abe pondered for a moment.</p> + +<p>"There's Louis Mintz," he said finally. "He works by Sammet Brothers. +He's a high-priced man, Mawruss, but he's worth it."</p> + +<p>"Sure he's worth it," Morris rejoined, "and he knows it, too. I bet yer +he's making five thousand a year by Sammet Brothers."</p> + +<p>"I know it," said Abe, "but his contract expires in<!-- Page 94 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</a></span> a month from +now, and it ain't no cinch to work for Sammet Brothers, neither, +Mawruss. I bet yer Louis' got throat trouble, talking into a customer +them garments what Leon Sammet makes up, and Louis' pretty well liked in +the trade, too, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"Well, why don't you see him, Abe?"</p> + +<p>"I'll tell you the truth, Mawruss," Abe replied. "I <i>did</i> see him. I +offered him all what Sammet Brothers gives him, and I told him we make a +better line for the price, but it ain't no use. Louis says a salesman's +got to work hard anyhow, so he may as well work a little harder, and he +says, too, it spoils a man's trade when he makes changes."</p> + +<p>Here a customer entered the store and Abe was busy for more than half an +hour. At the end of that time the customer departed and Morris returned +to the show-room.</p> + +<p>"Abe," he said, "I got an idea."</p> + +<p>Abe looked up.</p> + +<p>"More real estate?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Not more real estate, Abe," Morris corrected, "but the <i>same</i> real +estate. When we're stuck we're stuck, Abe, ain't it?"</p> + +<p>Abe nodded.</p> + +<p>"So I got an idea," Morris went on, "that we go to Louis and tell him we +give him the same money what Sammet Brothers give him, only we give him +a bonus."</p> + +<p>"A bonus!" Abe cried. "How much of a bonus?"</p> + +<p><!-- Page 95 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</a></span>"A <i>big</i> bonus, Abe," Morris replied. "We'll give him the house."</p> + +<p>Abe remained silent.</p> + +<p>"It'll look big, anyhow," Morris continued.</p> + +<p>"Look big!" Abe exclaimed. "It is big. It's three thousand dollars."</p> + +<p>"Well, you can't reckon stickers by what they cost," Morris explained. +"It's what they'll sell for."</p> + +<p>"You're right, Mawruss," Abe commented bitterly. "And that house +wouldn't sell for Confederate money. I'll see Louis Mintz to-night."</p> + +<p>Abe saw Louis that very evening, and they met by appointment at the +store ten days later. In the meantime Louis had inspected the house, and +when he entered Potash & Perlmutter's show-room his face wore none +too cheerful an expression.</p> + +<p>"Well, Louis," Abe cried, "you come to tell us it's all right. Ain't +it?"</p> + +<p>Louis shook his head.</p> + +<p>"Abe," he said, "the old saying is you should never look at a horse's +teeth what somebody gives you, but that house is pretty near vacant."</p> + +<p>"What of it?" Abe asked. "It's a fine house, ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"Sure, it's a fine house," Louis agreed. "But what good is a fine house +if you can't rent it? You can't eat it, can you?"</p> + +<p>"No," Morris replied, "but you can sell it."</p> + +<p>"Well," Louis admitted, "selling houses ain't in<!-- Page 96 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</a></span> my line? Maybe +if I knew enough about it I could sell it."</p> + +<p>"But there's real-estaters what knows all about selling a house," Morris +began.</p> + +<p>"You bet there is," Abe interrupted savagely.</p> + +<p>"And you could get a real-estater to sell it for you," Morris concluded +with malevolent glance at his partner.</p> + +<p>Louis consulted a list of the tenants which he had made.</p> + +<p>"I'll think it over," he said, "and let you know to-morrow."</p> + +<p>The next day he greeted Abe and Morris more cordially.</p> + +<p>"I thought it over, Abe," he said, "and I guess it'll be all right."</p> + +<p>"Fine!" Abe cried. "Let's go down and see Henry D. Feldman right away."</p> + +<p>Just as a congenital dislocation of the hipbone suggests the name of +Doctor Lorenz, so the slightest dislocation of the cloak and suit +business immediately calls for Henry D. Feldman. No cloak and suit +bankruptcy would be complete without his name as attorney, either for +the petitioning creditors or the bankrupt, and no action for breach of +contract of employment on the part of a designer or a salesman could +successfully go to the jury unless Henry D. Feldman wept crocodile tears +over the summing up of the plaintiff's case.</p> + +<p>In the art of drawing agreements relative to the<!-- Page 97 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[Pg 97]</a></span> cloak and suit +trade in all its phases of buying, selling, employing or renting, he was +a virtuoso, and his income was that of six Supreme Court judges rolled +into one. For the rest, he was of impressive, clean-shaven appearance, +and he was of the opinion that a liberal sprinkling of Latin phrases +rendered his conversation more pleasing to his clients.</p> + +<p>Louis and Abe were ushered into his office only after half an hour's +waiting at the end of a line of six clients, and they wasted no time in +stating their business.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Feldman," Abe murmured, "this is Mr. Louis Mintz what +comes to work by us as a salesman."</p> + +<p>"Mr. Mintz," Mr. Feldman said, "you are to be congratulated. +Potash & Perlmutter have a reputation in the trade <i>nulli secundum</i>, +and it is generally admitted that the goods they produce are <i>summa cum +laude</i>."</p> + +<p>"We make fall and winter goods, too," Abe explained. "All kinds of +garments, Mr. Feldman. I don't want to give Louis no wrong +impression. He's got to handle lightweights as well as heavyweights, +too."</p> + +<p>Mr. Feldman stared blankly at Abe and then continued: "No doubt you +have quite settled on the terms."</p> + +<p>"We've talked it all over," said Louis, "and this is what it is."</p> + +<p>He then specified the salary and commission to be<!-- Page 98 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[Pg 98]</a></span> paid, and +engaged Mr. Feldman to draw the deed for the tenement house.</p> + +<p>"And how long is this contract to last?" Feldman asked.</p> + +<p>"For five years," Abe replied.</p> + +<p>"Five years nothing," said Louis. "I wouldn't work for no one on a five +years' contract. One year is what I want it."</p> + +<p>"One year!" Abe cried. "Why, Louis, that ain't no way to talk. In one +year you'd just about get well enough acquainted with our trade—of +course, I'm only <i>talking</i>, y'understand—to cop it out for some +other house what would pay you a couple of hundred more. No, Louis, I +think it ought to be for five years."</p> + +<p>"Of course, if you think I'm the kind what takes a job to cop out the +firm's trade, Abe," Louis commenced, "why——"</p> + +<p>"I'm only saying for the sake of argument," Abe hastened to explain. +"I'll tell you what I'll do, Louis: I'll make it two years, and at the +end of that time if you want to quit you can do it; only, you should +agree not to work as salesman for no other house for the space of one +year afterward or you can go on working for us for one year afterward. +How's that?"</p> + +<p>"I think that's eminently fair," Mr. Feldman broke in hurriedly. +"You can't refuse those terms, Mr. Mintz. Mr. Potash will sign +for his partner, I apprehend, and then Mr. Perlmutter will be +bound<!-- Page 99 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[Pg 99]</a></span> under the principle of <i>qui fecit per alium fecit per se</i>."</p> + +<p>No one could stand up against such a flood of Latin, and Louis nodded.</p> + +<p>"All right," he said. "Let her go that way."</p> + +<p>Mr. Feldman immediately rang for a stenographer.</p> + +<p>"Come back to-morrow at four o'clock," he said. "I shall send a clerk +with the deed to be signed by Mrs. Potash and Mrs. Perlmutter to-night."</p> + +<p>The next afternoon, at half an hour after the appointed time, the +contract was executed and the deed delivered to Louis Mintz, and on the +first of the following month Louis entered upon his new employment.</p> + +<p>Louis' first season with his new employers was fraught with good results +for Potash & Perlmutter, who reaped large profits from Louis' +salesmanship; but for Louis it had been somewhat disappointing.</p> + +<p>"I never see nothing like it," he complained to Abe. "That tenement +house is like a summer hotel—people coming and going all the time; +and every time a tenant moves yet I got to pay for painting and +repapering the rooms. You certainly stuck me good on that house."</p> + +<p>"Stuck you!" Abe cried. "We didn't stuck you, Louis. We just give you +the house as a bonus. If it don't rent well, Louis, you ought to sell +it."</p> + +<p>"Don't I know I ought to sell it?" Louis cried; "but who's going to buy +it? Real-estater after real-estater comes to look at it, and it all +amounts to nix.<!-- Page 100 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[Pg 100]</a></span> They wouldn't take the house for the mortgages."</p> + +<p>For nearly a year and a half Louis and Abe repeated this conversation +every time Louis came back from the road, and on the days when Louis +paid interest on mortgages and premiums on fire insurance he grew +positively tearful.</p> + +<p>"Why don't you pay me what I am short from paying carrying charges on +that property?" Louis asked one day. "And I'll give you the house back."</p> + +<p>Abe laughed.</p> + +<p>"You should make that proposition to the feller what sold us the house," +Abe said jocularly.</p> + +<p>"Any one what sold that house once, Abe," Louis rejoined, "don't want it +back again."</p> + +<p>At length, when Louis was absent on a business trip some three months +before the expiration of his contract, Abe approached Morris in the +show-room and mooted the subject of taking back the house.</p> + +<p>"That house is a sticker, Mawruss," he said, "and we certainly shouldn't +let Louis suffer by it. The boy done well by us, and we don't want to +lose him."</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," Morris replied, "the way I look at it, we should wait till +his time is pretty near up. Maybe he will renew the contract without our +taking back the house, Abe; but if the worst comes to the worst, Abe, we +give him what he spent on the house and take it back, <i>providing</i> he +renews the contract for a couple of years. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p><!-- Page 101 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[Pg 101]</a></span>Abe nodded doubtfully.</p> + +<p>"Maybe you're right, Mawruss," he said; "but the boy done good for us, +Mawruss. We made it a big profit by him this year already, and I don't +want him to think that we ain't doing the right thing by him."</p> + +<p>"Since when was you so soft-hearted, Abe?" Morris asked satirically; and +when Louis came back from the road, a week later, no mention was made of +the house until Louis himself broached the topic.</p> + +<p>"Look'y here, Abe," Louis said, "what are you going to do for me about +that house? Counting the rent I collected and the money I laid out for +carrying charges, I'm in the hole eight hundred and fifty dollars +already."</p> + +<p>"Do for you, Louis!" Morris replied. "Why, what can we do for you? Why +don't you fix it up like this, Louis? Why don't you make one last +campaign among the real-estaters, and then if you don't succeed maybe we +can do something."</p> + +<p>"That's right, Louis," Abe said. "Just try it and see what comes of it."</p> + +<p>Then Abe handed Louis a cigar and dismissed the subject, which never +again arose until Louis was on his final trip.</p> + +<p>"Ain't it funny, Mawruss," Abe said, the morning of Louis' expected +return—"ain't it funny he ain't mentioned that house to us since +we spoke to him the last time he was home?"</p> + +<p>"I know it," Morris replied, "but you needn't<!-- Page 102 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[Pg 102]</a></span> worry, Abe. It +says in the contract that Louis can't take a job as salesman with any +other house till one year is up, and the boy can't afford to stay +loafing around for a whole year."</p> + +<p>Abe nodded, and as he turned to look up the contract in the safe the +store door opened and Louis himself entered.</p> + +<p>"Hallo, Louis," Abe cried. "Glad to see you, Louis. Another good trip?"</p> + +<p>Louis nodded, and they all passed into the show-room.</p> + +<p>"Well, you're going to make many more of them for us before you're +through, Louis," Abe said.</p> + +<p>Louis grunted, and Abe and Morris exchanged disquieting glances.</p> + +<p>"You know, Louis," Morris said in the dulcet accents of the sucking +dove, "your contract is up next week, and Abe and me was talking about +it the other day, Louis, and about the house, too, and we says we should +do something about that house, Louis, and so we'll make another contract +for about, say, three years, and we'll fix it up about the house when we +all sign the contract, Louis. We meant to take back the house all the +time, Louis. We was only kidding you along, Louis," he continued.</p> + +<p>"So you was only kidding me along when you told me to see them +real-estaters, hey?" Louis demanded.</p> + +<p>"Sure," Abe and Morris replied.</p> + +<p>"Then you was the ones what got kidded," Louis said, "for the last time +I was in town I took your<!-- Page 103 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[Pg 103]</a></span> advice. Do you know a feller called +Michaelson? And two other fellers by the name of Henochstein and +Magnus?"</p> + +<p>Abe nodded.</p> + +<p>"Well, them three fellers took that house off of my hands and paid me +six hundred dollars to boot, over and above the seven hundred and fifty +I sunk in it."</p> + +<p>Abe and Morris puffed vigorously at their cigars.</p> + +<p>"And what's more," Louis went on, "they introduced me to Harris Rabin, +of the Equinox Clothing Company. I guess you know him, too, don't you?"</p> + +<p>Morris admitted sullenly that he did.</p> + +<p>"He's got a daughter, Miss Miriam Rabin," Louis concluded. "Her and +me is going to announce our engagement in next Sunday's Herald."</p> + +<p>He paused and watched Morris and Abe, to see the news sink in.</p> + +<p>"And as soon as we're married," he said, "back to the road for mine, but +not with Potash & Perlmutter."</p> + +<p>"I guess you're mistaken, Louis," Abe cried. "I guess you got a contract +with us what will stop you going on the road for another year yet."</p> + +<p>"Back up, Abe," Louis said. "That there contract says I can't work as a +<i>salesman</i> for any other house for a year. But Rabin and me is going as +partners together in the cloak and suit business, and if there's +anything in that contract about me not selling cloaks as my own boss +I'll eat it."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 104 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[Pg 104]</a></span>Abe went to the safe for the contract. At last he found it, and +after reading it over he handed it to Morris.</p> + +<p>"<i>You</i> eat it, Mawruss," he said. "Louis is right."</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <h2>CHAPTER VI</h2> <br /> <br /> <p>"After all, Mawruss," Abe declared as he glanced over +the columns of the Daily Cloak and Suit Record, "after all a feller +feels more satisfied when he could see the customers himself and find +out just exactly how they do business, y'understand. Maybe the way we +lost Louis Mintz wasn't such a bad thing anyhow, Mawruss. I bet yer if +Louis would of been selling goods for us, Mawruss, we would of been in +that Cohen & Schondorf business too. Me, I am different, Mawruss. So +soon as I went in that store, Mawruss, I could see that them fellers was +in bad. I'm very funny that way, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"You shouldn't throw no bouquets at yourself because you got a little +luck, Abe," Morris commented.</p> + +<p>"Some people calls it luck, Mawruss, but I call it judgment, +y'understand."</p> + +<p>"Sure, I know," Morris continued, "but how about Hymie Kotzen, Abe? +Always you said it that feller got lots of judgment, Abe."</p> + +<p>"A feller could got so much judgment as Andrew Carnegie," Abe retorted, +"and oncet in a while he<!-- Page 105 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[Pg 105]</a></span> could play in hard luck too. Yes, +Mawruss, Hymie Kotzen is certainly playing in hard luck."</p> + +<p>"Is he?" Morris Perlmutter replied. "Well, he don't look it when I seen +him in the Harlem Winter Garden last night, Abe. Him and Mrs. Kotzen was +eating a family porterhouse between 'em with tchampanyer wine yet."</p> + +<p>"Well, Mawruss," Abe said, "he needs it tchampanyer wine, Mawruss. Last +month I seen it he gets stung two thousand by Cohen & Schondorf, and +to-day he's chief mourner by the Ready Pay Store, Barnet Fischman +proprietor. Barney stuck him for fifteen hundred, Mawruss, so I guess he +needs it tchampanyer wine to cheer him up."</p> + +<p>"Well, maybe he needs it diamonds to cheer him up, also, Abe," Morris +added. "That feller got diamonds on him, Abe, like 'lectric lights on +the front of a moving-picture show."</p> + +<p>"Diamonds never harmed nobody's credit, Mawruss," Abe rejoined. "You can +get your money out of diamonds most any time, Mawruss. I see by the +papers diamonds increase in price thirty per cent. in six months +already. Yes, Mawruss, diamonds goes up every day."</p> + +<p>"And so does the feller what wears 'em, Abe," Morris went on. "In fact, +the way that Hymie Kotzen does business I shouldn't be surprised if he +goes up any day, too. Andrew Carnegie couldn't stand it the failures +what that feller gets into, Abe."</p> + +<p>"That's just hard luck, Mawruss," Abe replied;<!-- Page 106 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[Pg 106]</a></span> "and if he wears +it diamonds, Mawruss, he paid for 'em himself, Mawruss, and he's got a +right to wear 'em. So far what I hear it, Mawruss, he never stuck nobody +for a cent."</p> + +<p>"Oh, Hymie ain't no crook, Abe," Morris admitted, "but I ain't got no +use for a feller wearing diamonds. Diamonds looks good on women, Abe, +and maybe also on a hotel-clerk or a feller what runs a restaurant, Abe, +but a business man ain't got no right wearing diamonds."</p> + +<p>"Of course, Mawruss, people's got their likes and dislikes," Abe said; +"but all the same I seen it many a decent, respectable feller with a +good business, Abe, what wants a little accommodation at his bank. But +he gets turned down just because he goes around looking like a slob; +while a feller what can't pay his own laundry bill, Mawruss, has no +trouble getting a thousand dollars because the second vice-president is +buffaloed already by a stovepipe hat, a Prince Albert coat and a +four-carat stone with a flaw in it."</p> + +<p>"Well, a four-carat stone wouldn't affect me none, Abe," Morris said, +"and believe me, Abe, Hymie Kotzen's diamonds don't worry me none, +neither. All I'm troubling about now is that I got an appetite like a +horse, so I guess I'll go to lunch."</p> + +<p>Abe jumped to his feet. "Give me a chance oncet in a while, Mawruss," he +protested. "Every day comes half-past twelve you got to go to your +lunch. Ain't I got no stomach, neither, Mawruss?"<!-- Page 107 --></p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[Pg 107]</a></span>"Oh, go ahead if you want to," Morris grumbled, "only don't stay +all day, Abe. Remember there's other people wants to eat, too, Abe."</p> + +<p>"I guess the shoe pinches on the other foot now, Mawruss," Abe retorted +as he put on his hat. "When I get through eating I'll be back."</p> + +<p>He walked across the street to Wasserbauer's Café and Restaurant +and seated himself at his favorite table.</p> + +<p>"Well, Mr. Potash," Louis, the waiter, cried, dusting off the +tablecloth with a red-and-white towel, "some nice <i>Metzelsuppe</i> to-day, +huh?"</p> + +<p>"No, Louis," Abe replied as he took a dill pickle from a dishful on the +table, "I guess I won't have no soup to-day. Give me some +<i>gedämpftes Kalbfleisch mit Kartoffelklösse</i>."</p> + +<p>"Right away quick, Mr. Potash," said Louis, starting to hurry away.</p> + +<p>"Ain't I nobody here, Louis?" cried a bass voice at the table behind +Abe. "Do I sit here all day?"</p> + +<p>"Ex-cuse me, Mr. Kotzen," Louis exclaimed. "Some nice roast chicken +to-day, Mr. Kotzen?"</p> + +<p>"I'll tell you what I want it, Louis, not you me," Mr. Kotzen +grunted. "If I want to eat it roast chicken I'll say so. If I don't I +won't."</p> + +<p>"Sure, sure," Louis cried, rubbing his hands in a perfect frenzy of +apology.</p> + +<p>"Gimme a <i>Schweizerkäse</i> sandwich and a cup of coffee," +Mr. Kotzen concluded, "and if you don't think you can bring it back +here in half an hour,<!-- Page 108 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[Pg 108]</a></span> Louis, let me know, that's all, and I'll +ask Wasserbauer if he can help you out."</p> + +<p>Abe had started on his second dill pickle, and he held it in his hand as +he turned around in his chair. "Hallo, Hymie," he said; "ain't you +feeling good to-day?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, hallo, Abe," Kotzen cried, glancing over; "why don't you come over +and sit at my table?"</p> + +<p>"I guess I will," Abe replied. He rose to his feet with his napkin +tucked into his collar and, carrying the dish of dill pickles with him, +he moved over to Kotzen's table.</p> + +<p>"What's the matter, Hymie?" Abe asked. "You ain't sick, are you?"</p> + +<p>"That depends what you call it sick, Abe," Hymie replied. "I don't got +to see no doctor exactly, Abe, if that's what you mean. But that Sam +Feder by the Kosciusko Bank, I was over to see him just now, and I bet +you he makes me sick."</p> + +<p>"I thought you always got along pretty good with Sam, Hymie," Abe +mumbled through a mouthful of dill pickle.</p> + +<p>"So I do," said Hymie; "but he heard it something about this here Ready +Pay Store and how I'm in it for fifteen hundred, and also this Cohen +& Schondorf sticks me also, and he's getting anxious. So, either he +wants me I should give him over a couple of accounts, or either I should +take up some of my paper. Well, you know Feder, Abe. He don't want +nothing but A Number One concerns, and then he got<!-- Page 109 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[Pg 109]</a></span> the bank's +lawyer what is his son-in-law, De Witt C. Feinholz, that he should +draw up the papers; and so it goes. I got it bills receivable due the +first of the month, five thousand dollars from such people like Heller, +Blumenkrohn & Co., of Cincinnati, and The Emporium, Duluth, all +gilt-edge accounts, Abe, and why should I lose it twenty per cent. on +them, ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"Sure," Abe murmured.</p> + +<p>"Well, that's what I told Feder," Hymie went on. "If I got to take up a +couple of thousand dollars I'll do it. But running a big plant like I +got it, Abe, naturally it makes me a little short."</p> + +<p>"Naturally," Abe agreed. He scented what was coming.</p> + +<p>"But anyhow, I says to Feder, I got it lots of friends in the trade, and +I ain't exactly broke yet, neither, Abe."</p> + +<p>He lifted his Swiss-cheese sandwich in his left hand, holding out the +third finger the better to display a five-carat stone, while Abe devoted +himself to his veal.</p> + +<p>"Of course, Abe," Hymie continued, "on the first of the +month—that's only two weeks already—things will be running +easy for me."</p> + +<p>He looked at Abe for encouragement, but Abe's facial expression was +completely hidden by veal stew, fragments of which were clinging to his +eyebrows.</p> + +<p>"But, naturally, I'm at present a little short," Hymie croaked, "and so +I thought maybe you could<!-- Page 110 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[Pg 110]</a></span> help me out with, say a thousand +dollars till the first of the month, say."</p> + +<p>Abe laid down his knife and fork and massaged his face with his napkin.</p> + +<p>"For my part, Hymie," he said, "you should have it in a minute. I know +it you are good as gold, and if you say that you will pay on the first +of the month a U-nited States bond ain't no better."</p> + +<p>He paused impressively and laid a hand on Hymie's knee.</p> + +<p>"Only, Hymie," he concluded, "I got it a partner. Ain't it? And you know +Mawruss Perlmutter, Hymie. He's a pretty hard customer, Hymie, and if I +was to draw you the firm's check for a thousand, Hymie, that feller +would have a receiver by the court to-morrow morning already. He's a +holy terror, Hymie, believe me."</p> + +<p>Hymie sipped gloomily at his coffee.</p> + +<p>"But Mawruss Perlmutter was always a pretty good friend of mine, Abe," +he said. "Why shouldn't he be willing to give it me if you are +agreeable? Ain't it? And, anyhow, Abe, it can't do no harm to ask him."</p> + +<p>"Well, Hymie, he's over at the store now," Abe replied. "Go ahead and +ask him."</p> + +<p>"I know it what he'd say if I ask him, Abe. He'd tell me I should see +you; but you say I should see him, and then I'm up in the air. Ain't +it?"</p> + +<p>Abe treated himself to a final rubdown with the napkin and scrambled to +his feet.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 111 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[Pg 111]</a></span>"All right, Hymie," he said. "If you want me I should ask him +I'll ask him."</p> + +<p>"Remember, Abe," Hymie said as Abe turned away, "only till the first, so +sure what I'm sitting here. I'll ring you up in a quarter of an hour."</p> + +<p>When Abe entered the firm's show-room five minutes later he found Morris +consuming the last of some crullers and coffee brought in from a near-by +bakery by Jake, the shipping clerk.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe, maybe you think that's a joke you should keep me here a +couple of hours already," Morris said.</p> + +<p>"Many a time I got to say that to you already, Mawruss," Abe rejoined. +"But, anyhow, I didn't eat it so much, Mawruss. It was Hymie Kotzen what +keeps me."</p> + +<p>"Hymie Kotzen!" Morris cried. "What for should he keep you, Abe? Blows +you to some tchampanyer wine, maybe?"</p> + +<p>"Tchampanyer he ain't drinking it to-day, Mawruss, I bet yer," Abe +replied. "He wants to lend it from us a thousand dollars." Morris +laughed raucously.</p> + +<p>"What a chance!" he said.</p> + +<p>"Till the first of the month, Mawruss," Abe continued, "and I thought +maybe we would let him have it."</p> + +<p>Morris ceased laughing and glared at Abe.</p> + +<p>"Tchampanyer you must have been drinking it, Abe," he commented.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 112 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[Pg 112]</a></span>"Why shouldn't we let him have it, Mawruss?" Abe demanded. +"Hymie's a good feller, Mawruss, and a smart business man, too."</p> + +<p>"Is he?" Morris yelled. "Well, he ain't smart enough to keep out of +failures like Barney Fischman's and Cohen & Schondorf's, Abe, but +he's too smart to lend it us a thousand dollars, supposing we was short +for a couple of days. No, Abe, I heard it enough about Hymie Kotzen +already. I wouldn't positively not lend him nothing, Abe, and that's +flat."</p> + +<p>To end the discussion effectually he went to the cutting-room upstairs +and remained there when Hymie rang up.</p> + +<p>"It ain't no use, Hymie," Abe said. "Mawruss wouldn't think of it. We're +short ourselves. You've no idee what trouble we got it with some of our +collections."</p> + +<p>"But, Abe," Hymie protested, "I got to have the money. I promised Feder +I would give it him this afternoon."</p> + +<p>Abe remained silent.</p> + +<p>"I tell you what I'll do, Abe," Hymie insisted; "I'll come around and +see you."</p> + +<p>"It won't be no use, Hymie," Abe said, but Central was his only auditor, +for Hymie had hung up the receiver. Indeed, Abe had hardly returned to +the show-room before Hymie entered the store door.</p> + +<p>"Where's Mawruss?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Up in the cutting-room," Abe replied. <!-- Page 113 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[Pg 113]</a></span>"Good!" Hymie cried. "Now +look'y here, Abe, I got a proposition to make it to you."</p> + +<p>He tugged at the diamond ring on the third finger of his left hand and +laid it on a sample-table. Then from his shirt-bosom he unscrewed a +miniature locomotive headlight, which he deposited beside the ring.</p> + +<p>"See them stones, Abe?" he continued. "They costed it me one thousand +three hundred dollars during the panic already, and to-day I wouldn't +take two thousand for 'em. Now, Abe, you sit right down and write me out +a check for a thousand dollars, and so help me I should never stir out +of this here office, Abe, if I ain't on the spot with a thousand dollars +in hand two weeks from to-day, Abe, you can keep them stones, settings +and all."</p> + +<p>Abe's eyes fairly bulged out of his head as he looked at the blazing +diamonds.</p> + +<p>"But, Hymie," he exclaimed, "I don't want your diamonds. If I had it the +money myself, Hymie, believe me, you are welcome to it like you was my +own brother."</p> + +<p>"I know all about that, Abe," Hymie replied, "but you ain't Mawruss, and +if you got such a regard for me what you claim you have, Abe, go +upstairs and ask Mawruss Perlmutter will he do it me the favor and let +me have that thousand dollars with the stones as security."</p> + +<p>Without further parley Abe turned and left the show-room.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 114 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[Pg 114]</a></span>"Mawruss," he called from the foot of the stairs, "come down +here once. I want to show you something."</p> + +<p>In the meantime Hymie pulled down the shades and turned on the electric +lights. Then he took a swatch of black velveteen from his pocket and +arranged it over the sample-table with the two gems in its folds.</p> + +<p>"Hymie Kotzen is inside the show-room," Abe explained when Morris +appeared in answer to his summons.</p> + +<p>"Well, what have I got to do with Hymie Kotzen?" Morris demanded.</p> + +<p>"Come inside and speak to him, Mawruss," Abe rejoined. "He won't eat +you."</p> + +<p>"Maybe you think I'm scared to turn him down, Abe?" Morris concluded as +he led the way to the show-room. "Well, I'll show you different."</p> + +<p>"Hallo, Mawruss," Hymie cried. "What's the good word?"</p> + +<p>Morris grunted an inarticulate greeting.</p> + +<p>"What you got all the shades down for, Abe?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Don't touch 'em," Hymie said. "Just you have a look at this +sample-table first."</p> + +<p>Hymie seized Morris by the arm and turned him around until he faced the +velveteen.</p> + +<p>"Ain't them peaches, Mawruss?" he asked.</p> + +<p>Morris stared at the diamonds, almost hypnotized by their brilliancy.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 115 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[Pg 115]</a></span>"Them stones belong to you, Mawruss," Hymie went on, "if I don't +pay you inside of two weeks the thousand dollars what you're going to +lend me."</p> + +<p>"We ain't going to lend you no thousand dollars, Hymie," Morris said at +last, "because we ain't got it to lend. We need it in our own business, +Hymie, and, besides, you got the wrong idee. We ain't no pawnbrokers, +Hymie; we are in the cloak and suit business."</p> + +<p>"Hymie knows it all about that, Mawruss," Abe broke in, "and he shows he +ain't no crook, neither. If he's willing to trust you with them +diamonds, Mawruss, we should be willing to trust him with a thousand +dollars. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"He could trust me with the diamonds, Abe, because I ain't got no use +for diamonds," Morris replied. "If anyone gives me diamonds that I +should take care of it into the safe they go. I ain't a person what +sticks diamonds all over myself, Abe, and I don't buy no tchampanyer +wine one day and come around trying to lend it from people a thousand +dollars the next day, Abe."</p> + +<p>"It was my wife's birthday," Hymie explained; "and if I got to spend it +my last cent, Mawruss, I always buy tchampanyer on my wife's birthday."</p> + +<p>"All right, Hymie," Morris retorted; "if you think it so much of your +wife, lend it from her a thousand dollars."</p> + +<p>"Make an end, make an end," Abe cried; "I<!-- Page 116 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[Pg 116]</a></span> hear it enough +already. Put them diamonds in the safe and we give Hymie a check for a +thousand dollars."</p> + +<p>Morris shrugged his shoulders.</p> + +<p>"All right, Abe," he said. "Do what you please, but remember what I tell +it you now. I don't know nothing about diamonds and I don't care nothing +about diamonds, and if it should be that we got to keep it the diamonds +I don't want nothing to do with them. All I want it is my share of the +thousand dollars."</p> + +<p>He turned on his heel and banged the show-room door behind him, while +Abe pulled up the shades and Hymie turned off the lights.</p> + +<p>"That's a fine crank for you, Abe," Hymie exclaimed.</p> + +<p>Abe said nothing, but sat down and wrote out a check for a thousand +dollars.</p> + +<p>"I hope them diamonds is worth it," he murmured, handing the check to +Hymie.</p> + +<p>"If they ain't," Hymie replied as he made for the door, "I'll eat 'em, +Abe, and I ain't got too good a di-gestion, neither."</p> + +<p>At intervals of fifteen minutes during the remainder of the afternoon +Morris visited the safe and inspected the diamonds until Abe was moved +to criticise his partner's behavior.</p> + +<p>"Them diamonds ain't going to run away, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"Maybe they will, Abe," Morris replied, "if we<!-- Page 117 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[Pg 117]</a></span> leave the safe +open and people comes in and out all the time."</p> + +<p>"So far, nobody ain't took nothing out of that safe, Mawruss," Abe +retorted; "but if you want to lock the safe I'm agreeable."</p> + +<p>"What for should we lock the safe?" Morris asked. "We are all the time +getting things out of it what we need. Ain't it? A better idee I got it, +Abe, is that you should put on the ring and I will wear the pin, or you +wear the pin and I will put on the ring."</p> + +<p>"No, siree, Mawruss," Abe replied. "If I put it on a big pin like that +and I got to take it off again in a week's time might I would catch a +cold on my chest, maybe. Besides, I ain't built for diamonds, Mawruss. +So, you wear 'em both, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>Morris forced a hollow laugh.</p> + +<p>"Me wear 'em, Abe!" he exclaimed. "No, siree, Abe, I'm not the kind what +wears diamonds. I leave that to sports like Hymie Kotzen."</p> + +<p>Nevertheless, he placed the ring on the third finger of his left hand, +with the stone turned in, and carefully wrapping up the pin in +tissue-paper he placed it in his waistcoat pocket. The next day was +Wednesday, and he screwed the pin into his shirt-front underneath a +four-in-hand scarf. On Thursday he wore the ring with the stone exposed, +and on Friday he discarded the four-in-hand scarf for a bow tie and +shamelessly flaunted both ring and pin.</p> + +<p>"Mawruss," Abe commented on Saturday, "must<!-- Page 118 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[Pg 118]</a></span> you stick out your +little finger when you smoke it a cigar?"</p> + +<p>"Habits what I was born with, Abe," Morris replied. "I can't help it +none."</p> + +<p>"Maybe you was born with a diamond ring on your little finger. What?" +Abe jeered.</p> + +<p>Morris glared at his partner.</p> + +<p>"If you think that I enjoy it wearing that ring, Abe," he declared, "you +are much mistaken. You got us to take these here diamonds, Abe, and if +they got stole on us, Abe, we are not only out the thousand dollars, but +we would also got to pay it so much more as Hymie Kotzen would sue us +for in the courts. I got to wear this here ring, Abe, and that's all +there is to it."</p> + +<p>He walked away to the rear of the store with the air of a martyr, while +Abe gazed after him in silent admiration.</p> + +<p>Two weeks sped quickly by, during which Morris safeguarded the diamonds +with the utmost zest and enjoyment, and at length the settling day +arrived. Morris was superintending the unpacking of piece goods in the +cutting-room when Abe darted upstairs.</p> + +<p>"Mawruss," he hissed, "Hymie Kotzen is downstairs."</p> + +<p>By a feat of legerdemain that a conjurer might have envied, Morris +transferred the pin and ring to his waistcoat pocket and followed Abe to +the show-room.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 119 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[Pg 119]</a></span>"Well, Hymie," Morris cried, "we thought you would be prompt on +the day. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>Hymie smiled a sickly smirk in which there was as little mirth as there +was friendliness.</p> + +<p>"You got another think coming," Hymie replied.</p> + +<p>"What d'ye mean?" Morris exclaimed.</p> + +<p>"I'm up against it, boys," Hymie explained. "I expected to get it a +check for two thousand from Heller, Blumenkrohn this morning."</p> + +<p>"And didn't it come?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"Sure it come," Hymie replied, "but it was only sixteen hundred and +twenty dollars. They claim it three hundred and eighty dollars for +shortage in delivery, so I returned 'em the check."</p> + +<p>"You returned 'em the check, Hymie?" Morris cried. "And we got to wait +for our thousand dollars because you made it a shortage in delivery." "I +didn't make no shortage in delivery," Hymie declared.</p> + +<p>"Well, Hymie," Abe broke in, "you say it yourself Heller, Blumenkrohn is +gilt-edge, A Number One people. They ain't going to claim no shortage if +there wasn't none, Hymie."</p> + +<p>"I guess you don't know Louis Blumenkrohn, Abe," Hymie retorted. "He +claims it shortage before he unpacks the goods already."</p> + +<p>"Well, what has that got to do with us, Hymie?" Morris burst out.</p> + +<p>"You see how it is, boys," Hymie explained; "so I got to ask it you a +couple of weeks' extension."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 120 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[Pg 120]</a></span>"A couple of weeks' extension is nix, Hymie," Abe said, and +Morris nodded his head in approval.</p> + +<p>"Either you give it us the thousand, Hymie," was Morris' ultimatum, "or +either we keep the diamonds, and that's all there is to it."</p> + +<p>"Now, Mawruss," Hymie protested, "you ain't going to shut down on me +like that! Make it two weeks more and I'll give you a hundred dollars +bonus and interest at six per cent."</p> + +<p>Abe shook his head. "No, Hymie," he said firmly, "we ain't no loan +sharks. If you got to get that thousand dollars to-day you will manage +it somehow. So that's the way it stands. We keep open here till six +o'clock, Hymie, and the diamonds will be waiting for you as soon so you +bring us the thousand dollars. That's all."</p> + +<p>There was a note of finality in Abe's tones that made Hymie put on his +hat and leave without another word.</p> + +<p>"Yes, Abe," Morris commented as the door closed behind Hymie, "so +liberal you must be with my money. Ain't I told you from the very start +that feller is a lowlife? Tchampanyer he must drink it on his wife's +birthday, Abe, and also he got to wear it diamonds, Abe, when he ain't +got enough money to pay his laundry bill yet."</p> + +<p>"I ain't worrying, Mawruss," Abe replied. "He ain't going to let us keep +them diamonds for a thousand dollars, Mawruss. They're worth a whole lot +more as that, Mawruss."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 121 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 121]</a></span>"I don't know how much they're worth, Abe," Morris grunted, +putting on his hat, "but one thing I do know; I'm going across the +street to get a shave; and then I'm going right down to Sig Pollak on +Maiden Lane, Abe, and I'll find out just how much they are worth."</p> + +<p>A moment later he descended the basement steps into the barber-shop +under Wasserbauer's Café and Restaurant.</p> + +<p>"Hallo, Mawruss," a voice cried from the proprietor's chair. "Ain't it a +hot weather?"</p> + +<p>It was Sam Feder, vice-president of the Kosciusko Bank, who spoke. He +was midway in the divided enjoyment of a shampoo and a large black +cigar, while an electric fan oscillated over his head.</p> + +<p>"I bet yer it's hot, Mr. Feder," Morris agreed, taking off his +coat.</p> + +<p>"Why don't you take your vest off, too, Mawruss?" Sam Feder suggested.</p> + +<p>"That's a good idee," Morris replied, peeling off his waistcoat. He hung +it next to his coat and relapsed with a sigh into the nearest vacant +chair.</p> + +<p>"Just once around, Phil," he said to the barber, and closed his eyes for +a short nap.</p> + +<p>When he woke up ten minutes later Phil was spraying him with witch-hazel +while the proprietor stood idly in front of the mirror and curled his +flowing black mustache.</p> + +<p>"Don't take it so particular, Phil," Morris enjoined.<!-- Page 122 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[Pg 122]</a></span> "I ain't +got it all day to sit here in this chair."</p> + +<p>"All right, Mr. Perlmutter, all right," Phil cried, and in less +than three minutes, powdered, oiled and combed, Morris climbed out of +the chair. His coat was in waiting, held by a diminutive Italian +brushboy, but Morris waved his hand impatiently.</p> + +<p>"My vest," he demanded. "I don't put my coat on under my vest."</p> + +<p>The brushboy turned to the vacant row of hooks.</p> + +<p>"No gotta da vest," he said.</p> + +<p>"What!" Morris gasped.</p> + +<p>"You didn't have no vest on, did you, Mr. Perlmutter?" the +proprietor asked.</p> + +<p>"Sure I had a vest," Morris cried. "Where is it?"</p> + +<p>On the wall hung a sign which advised customers to check their clothing +with the cashier or no responsibility would be assumed by the +management, and it was to this notice that the proprietor pointed before +answering.</p> + +<p>"I guess somebody must have pinched it," he replied nonchalantly.</p> + +<p>It was not until two hours after the disappearance of his waistcoat that +Morris returned to the store. In the meantime he had been to police +headquarters and had inserted an advertisement in three daily +newspapers. Moreover he had consulted a lawyer, the eminent Henry D. +Feldman, and had received no consolation<!-- Page 123 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[Pg 123]</a></span> either on the score of +the barber's liability to Potash & Perlmutter or of his own +liability to Kotzen.</p> + +<p>"Well, Mawruss," Abe said, "how much are them diamonds worth?"</p> + +<p>Then he looked up and for the first time saw his partner's haggard face.</p> + +<p>"Holy smokes!" he cried. "They're winder-glass."</p> + +<p>Morris shook his head. "I wish they was," he croaked.</p> + +<p>"You wish they was!" Abe repeated in accents of amazement. "What d'ye +mean?"</p> + +<p>"Somebody pinched 'em on me," Morris replied.</p> + +<p>"What!" Abe shouted.</p> + +<p>"S-sh," Morris hissed as the door opened. It was Hymie Kotzen who +entered.</p> + +<p>"Well, boys," he cried, "every cloud is silver-plated. Ain't it? No +sooner did I get back to my store than I get a letter from Henry D. +Feldman that Cohen & Schondorf want to settle for forty cents cash. +On the head of that, mind you, in comes Rudolph Heller from Cincinnati, +and when I tell him about the check what they sent it me he fixes it up +on the spot."</p> + +<p>He beamed at Abe and Morris.</p> + +<p>"So, bring out them diamonds, boys," he concluded, "and we'll settle up +C. O. D."</p> + +<p>He pulled a roll of bills from his pocket and toyed with them, but +neither Abe nor Morris stirred.</p> + +<p>"<!-- Page 124 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[Pg 124]</a></span>What's the hurry, Hymie?" Abe asked feebly.</p> + +<p>"What's the hurry, Abe!" Hymie repeated. "Well, ain't that a fine +question for you to ask it of me! Don't sit there like a dummy, Abe. Get +the diamonds and we'll fix it up."</p> + +<p>"But wouldn't to-morrow do as well?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>Hymie sat back and eyed Morris suspiciously.</p> + +<p>"What are you trying to do, Mawruss?" he asked. "Make jokes with me?"</p> + +<p>"I ain't making no jokes, Hymie," Morris replied. "The fact is, Hymie, +we got it the diamonds, now—in our—now—safety-deposit +box, and it ain't convenient to get at it now."</p> + +<p>"Oh, it ain't, ain't it?" Hymie cried. "Well, it's got to be convenient; +so, Abe, you get a move on you and go down to them safety-deposit vaults +and fetch them."</p> + +<p>"Let Mawruss fetch 'em," Abe replied wearily. "The safety deposit is his +idee, Hymie, not mine."</p> + +<p>Hymie turned to Morris. "Go ahead, Mawruss," he said, "you fetch 'em."</p> + +<p>"I was only stringing you, Hymie," Morris croaked. "We ain't got 'em in +no safety-deposit vault at all."</p> + +<p>"That settles it," Hymie cried, jumping to his feet and jamming his hat +down with both hands.</p> + +<p>"Where you going, Hymie?" Abe called after him.</p> + +<p>"For a policeman," Hymie said. "I want them diamonds and I'm going to +have 'em, too."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 125 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[Pg 125]</a></span>Morris ran to the store door and grabbed Hymie by the coattails.</p> + +<p>"Wait a minute," he yelled. "Hymie, I'm surprised at you that you should +act that way."</p> + +<p>Hymie stopped short.</p> + +<p>"I ain't acting, Mawruss," he said. "It's you what's acting. All I want +it is you should give me my ring and pin, and I am satisfied to pay you +the thousand dollars."</p> + +<p>They returned to the show-room and once more sat down.</p> + +<p>"I'll tell you the truth, Hymie," Morris said at last. "I loaned them +diamonds to somebody, and that's the way it is."</p> + +<p>"You loaned 'em to somebody!" Hymie cried, jumping once more to his +feet. "My diamonds you loaned it, Mawruss? Well, all I got to say is +either you get them diamonds back right away, or either I will call a +policeman and make you arrested."</p> + +<p>"Make me arrested, then, Hymie," Morris replied resignedly, "because the +feller what I loaned them diamonds to won't return 'em for two weeks +anyhow."</p> + +<p>Hymie sat down again.</p> + +<p>"For two weeks, hey?" he said. He passed his handkerchief over his face +and looked at Abe.</p> + +<p>"That's a fine, nervy partner what you got it, Abe, I must say," he +commented.</p> + +<p>"Well, Hymie," Abe replied, "so long as you can't get them diamonds back +for two weeks keep the thousand<!-- Page 126 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[Pg 126]</a></span> dollars for two weeks and we +won't charge you no interest nor nothing."</p> + +<p>"No, siree," Hymie said; "either I pay you the thousand now, Abe, or I +don't pay it you for three months, and no interest nor nothing."</p> + +<p>Abe looked at Morris, who nodded his head slowly.</p> + +<p>"What do we care, Abe," he said, "two weeks or three months is no +difference now, ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"I'm agreeable, then, Hymie," Abe declared.</p> + +<p>"All right," Hymie said eagerly; "put it down in writing and sign it, +and I am satisfied you should keep the diamonds three months."</p> + +<p>Abe sat down at his desk and scratched away for five minutes.</p> + +<p>"Here it is, Hymie," he said at last. "Hyman Kotzen and Potash & +Perlmutter agrees it that one thousand dollars what he lent it off of +them should not be returned for three months from date, no interest nor +nothing. And also, that Potash & Perlmutter should not give up the +diamonds, neither. POTASH & PERLMUTTER."</p> + +<p>"That's all right," Hymie said. He folded the paper into his pocketbook +and turned to Morris.</p> + +<p>"Also it is understood, Mawruss, you shouldn't lend them diamonds to +nobody else," he concluded, and a minute later the store door closed +behind him.</p> + +<p>After he had gone there was an ominous silence which Abe was the first +to break.</p> + +<p>"Well, Mawruss," he said, "ain't that a fine mess you got us into it? +Must you wore it them diamonds,<!-- Page 127 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[Pg 127]</a></span> Mawruss? Why couldn't you leave +'em in the safe?"</p> + +<p>Morris made no answer.</p> + +<p>"Or if you had to lose 'em, Mawruss," Abe went on, "why didn't you done +it the day we loaned Hymie the money? Then we could of stopped our check +by the bank. Now we can do nothing."</p> + +<p>"I didn't lose the diamonds, Abe," Morris protested. "I left 'em in my +vest in the barber-shop and somebody took it the vest."</p> + +<p>"Well, ain't you got no suspicions, Mawruss?" Abe asked. "Think, +Mawruss, who was it took the vest?"</p> + +<p>Morris raised his head and was about to reply when the store door opened +and Sam Feder, vice-president of the Kosciusko Bank, entered bearing a +brown paper parcel under his arm.</p> + +<p>A personal visit from so well-known a financier covered Abe with +embarrassment, and he jumped to his feet and rushed out of the show-room +with both arms outstretched.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Feder," he exclaimed, "ain't this indeed a pleasure? Come +inside, Mr. Feder. Come inside into our show-room."</p> + +<p>He brought out a seat for the vice-president and dusted it carefully.</p> + +<p>"I ain't come to see you, Abe," Mr. Feder said; "I come to see that +partner of yours."</p> + +<p>He untied the string that bound the brown paper parcel and pulled out +its contents.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 128 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[Pg 128]</a></span>"Why!" Morris gasped. "That's my vest."</p> + +<p>"Sure it is," Mr. Feder replied, "and it just fits me, Mawruss. In +fact, it fits me so good that when I went to the barber-shop in a +two-piece suit this morning, Mawruss, I come away with a three-piece +suit and a souvenir besides."</p> + +<p>"A souvenir!" Abe cried. "What for a souvenir?"</p> + +<p>Mr. Feder put his hand in his trousers pocket and tumbled the +missing ring and pin on to a baize-covered sample table.</p> + +<p>"That was the souvenir, Abe," he said. "In fact, two souvenirs."</p> + +<p>Morris and Abe stared at the diamonds, too stunned for utterance.</p> + +<p>"You're a fine feller, Mawruss," Mr. Feder continued, "to be +carrying around valuable stones like them in your vest pocket. Why, I +showed them stones to a feller what was in my office an hour ago and he +says they must be worth pretty near five hundred dollars."</p> + +<p>He paused and looked at Morris.</p> + +<p>"And he was a pretty good judge of diamonds, too," he continued.</p> + +<p>"Who was the feller, Mr. Feder?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"I guess you know, Abe," Mr. Feder replied. "His name is Hymie +Kotzen."</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <p><!-- Page 129 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[Pg 129]</a></span></p> <h2>CHAPTER VII</h2> <br /> <br /> <p>"Max Fried, of the A La Mode Store, was in +here a few minutes since, Mawruss," said Abe Potash, to his partner, +Morris Perlmutter, after the latter had returned from lunch one busy +August day, "and bought a couple of hundred of them long Trouvilles. He +also wanted something to ask it of us as a favor, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"Sixty days is long enough, Abe," said Morris, on the principle of "once +bitten, twice shy." "For a man what runs a little store like the A La +Mode on Main Street, Buffalo, Abe, Max don't buy too few goods, neither. +Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"Don't jump always for conclusions, Mawruss," Abe broke in. "This ain't +no credit matter what he asks it of us. His wife got a sister what they +wanted to make from her a teacher, Mawruss, but she ain't got the head. +So, Max thinks we could maybe use her for a model. Her name is +Miss Kreitmann and she's a perfect thirty-six, Max says, only a +little fat."</p> + +<p>"And then, when she tries on a garment for a customer," Morris rejoined, +"the customer goes around telling everybody that we cut our stuff too +skimpy. Ain't it? No, Abe, we got along so far good with the models what +we got, and I guess we can keep it up. Besides, if Max is so anxious +to<!-- Page 130 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[Pg 130]</a></span> get her a job, why don't he take her on himself, Abe?"</p> + +<p>"Because she lives here in New York with her mother," Abe explained; +"and what chance has a girl got in Buffalo, anyway? That's what Max +says, and he also told it me that she got a very fine personality, and +if we think it over maybe he gives us an introduction to Philip Hahn, of +the Flower City Credit Outfitting Company. That's a million-dollar +concern, Mawruss. I bet yer they're rated J to K, first credit, and +Philip Hahn's wife is Miss Kreitmann's mother's sister. Leon Sammet +will go crazy if he hears that we sell them people."</p> + +<p>"That's all right, Abe," said Morris. "We ain't doing business to spite +our competitors; we're doing it to please our customers so that they'll +buy goods from us and maybe they'll go crazy, too, when they see her +face, Abe."</p> + +<p>"Max Fried says she is a good-looker. Nothing extraordinary, +y'understand, but good, snappy stuff and up to date."</p> + +<p>"You talk like she was a garment, Abe," said Morris.</p> + +<p>"Well, you wouldn't buy no garment, Mawruss, just because some one told +you it was good. Would you? So, Max says he would bring her around this +afternoon, and if we liked her Hahn would stop in and see us later in +the day. He says Hahn picks out never less than a couple of hundred +of<!-- Page 131 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[Pg 131]</a></span> one style, and also Hahn is a liberal buyer, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"Of course, Abe," Morris commenced, "if we're doing this to oblige +Philip Hahn——"</p> + +<p>"We're doing it to oblige Philip Hahn and Max Fried both, Mawruss," Abe +broke in. "Max says he ain't got a minute's peace since +Miss Kreitmann is old enough to get married."</p> + +<p>"So!" Morris cried. "A matrimonial agency we're running, Abe. Is that +the idea?"</p> + +<p>"The idea is that she should have the opportunity of meeting by us a +business man, Mawruss, what can give her a good home and a good living, +too. Max says he is pretty near broke, buying transportation from +Buffalo to New York, Mawruss, so as he can bust up love matches between +Miss Kreitmann and some good-looking retail salesman, Mawruss, what +can dance the waltz A Number One and couldn't pay rent for light +housekeeping on Chrystie Street."</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," Morris agreed, with a sigh of resignation, "if we got to +hire her as a condition that Philip Hahn gives us a couple of good +orders a season, Abe, I'm agreeable."</p> + +<p>"Naturally," Abe replied, and carefully selecting a slightly-damaged +cigar from the M to P first and second credit customers' box, he fell to +assorting the sample line against Philip Hahn's coming that afternoon.</p> + +<p>His task was hardly begun, however, when the<!-- Page 132 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[Pg 132]</a></span> store door opened +to admit Max Fried and his sister-in-law. Abe immediately ceased his +sample-assorting and walked forward to greet them.</p> + +<p>"Hello, Max," he said.</p> + +<p>Max stopped short, and by the simple process of thrusting out his +waist-line assumed a dignity befitting the ceremony of introduction.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Potash," he said severely, "this is Miss Gussie +Kreitmann, my wife's sister, what I talked to you about."</p> + +<p>Abe grinned shyly.</p> + +<p>"All right," he said, and shook hands with Miss Kreitmann, who +returned his grin with a dazzling smile.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Fried tells me you like to come to work by us as a model. +Ain't it?" Abe continued in the accents of the sucking dove. "So, I +guess you'd better go over to Miss Cohen, the bookkeeper, and +she'll show you where to put your hat and coat."</p> + +<p>"Oh, I ain't in no hurry," Miss Kreitmann replied. "To-morrow +morning will do."</p> + +<p>"Sure, sure," Abe murmured. He was somewhat shocked by +Miss Kreitmann's appearance, for while Max Fried's reservation, +"only a little fat," had given him some warning, he was hardly prepared +to employ so pronounced an Amazon as Miss Kreitmann. True, her +features, though large, were quite regular, and she had fine black eyes +and the luxurious hair that goes with them; but as Abe gazed at the +convex lines of her generous figure he could not<!-- Page 133 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[Pg 133]</a></span> help wondering +what his partner would say when he saw her.</p> + +<p>As a matter of fact, at that precise moment Morris was taking in the +entire situation from behind a convenient rack of raincoats, and was +mentally designing a new line of samples to be called The P & P +System. He figured that he would launch it with a good, live ad in the +Daily Cloak and Suit Record, to be headed: Let 'Em <i>All</i> Come. We Can +Fit <i>Everybody</i>. <i>Large</i> Sizes a Specialty.</p> + +<p>"Do you think you will like it here?" Abe hazarded.</p> + +<p>"Oh, sure," Max replied for his sister-in-law. "This ain't the first +time she works in a cloak and suit house. She helps me out in the store +whenever she comes to Buffalo. In fact, she knows part of your line +already, Abe, and the rest she learns pretty quick."</p> + +<p>"You won't find me slow, Mr. Potash," Miss Kreitmann broke in. +"Maybe I ain't such a good model except for large sizes, but I learned +to sell cloaks by my brother-in-law and by my uncle, Philip Hahn, before +I could talk already. What I want to do now is to meet the trade that +comes into the store."</p> + +<p>"That's what you're going to do," Abe said. "I will introduce you to +everybody."</p> + +<p>The thought that this would be, perhaps, the only way to get rid of her +lent fervor to his words, and Max shook him warmly by the hand.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 134 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[Pg 134]</a></span>"I'm much obliged," he said. "Me and Philip Hahn will be in sure +in a couple of hours, and Gussie comes to work to-morrow morning."</p> + +<p>Once more Abe proffered his hand to his new model, and a moment later +the door slammed behind them.</p> + +<p>"So, that's the party, is it?" said Morris, emerging from his +hiding-place. "What's she looking for a job by us for, Abe? She could +make it twice as much by a circus sideshow or a dime museum."</p> + +<p>"Philip Hahn will be here in a couple of hours, Mawruss," Abe replied, +avoiding the thrust. "I guess he's going to buy a big bill of goods, +Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"I hope so, Abe, because it needs quite a few big bills to offset the +damage a model like this here Miss Kreitmann can do. In fact, Abe," +he concluded, "I'd be just as well satisfied if Miss Kreitmann +could give us the orders, and we could get Philip Hahn to come to work +by us as a model. I ain't never seen him, Abe, but I think he's got a +better shape for the line."</p> + +<p>A singular devotion to duty marked every action of Emanuel Gubin, +shipping clerk in the wholesale cloak and suit establishment of Potash +& Perlmutter. That is to say, it had marked every action until the +commencement of Miss Kreitmann's incumbency. In the very hour that +Emanuel first observed the luster of her fine black eyes his heart<!-- +Page 135 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[Pg 135]</a></span> gave one bound and never more regained its normal +gait.</p> + +<p>As for Miss Kreitmann, she saw only a shipping clerk, collarless, +coatless and with all the grime of his calling upon him. Two weeks +elapsed, however, and one evening, on Lenox Avenue, she encountered +Emanuel, freed from the chrysalis of his employment, a natty, +lavender-trousered butterfly of fashion. Thereafter she called him +Mannie, and during business hours she flashed upon him those same black +eyes with results disastrous to the shipping end of Potash & +Perlmutter's business.</p> + +<p>Packages intended for the afternoon delivery of a local express company +arrived in Florida two weeks later, while the irate buyer of a Jersey +City store, who impatiently awaited an emergency shipment of ten heavy +winter garments, received instead half a hundred gossamer wraps designed +for the sub-tropical weather of Palm Beach.</p> + +<p>"I don't know what's come over that fellow, Mawruss," Abe said at last. +"Formerly he was a crackerjack—never made no mistakes nor nothing; +and now I dassen't trust him at all, Mawruss. Everything we ship I got +to look after it myself, Mawruss. We might as well have no shipping +clerk at all."</p> + +<p>"You're right, Abe," Morris replied. "He gets carelesser every day. And +why, Abe? Because of that Miss Kreitmann. She breaks us all up, +Abe. I bet yer if that feller Gubin has took her to the<!-- Page 136 --><span class="pagenum"><a +name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[Pg 136]</a></span> theayter once, Abe, he took her +fifty times already. He spends every cent he makes on her, and the first +thing you know, Abe, we'll be missing a couple of pieces of silk from +the cutting-room. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"He ain't no thief, Mawruss," said Abe, "and, besides, you can't blame a +young feller if he gets stuck on a nice girl like Miss Kreitmann, +Mawruss. She's a smart girl, Mawruss. Mendel Immerglick, of Immerglick +& Frank, was in here yesterday, Mawruss, and she showed him the +line, Mawruss, and believe me, Mawruss, Immerglick says to me I couldn't +have done it better myself."</p> + +<p>"Huh!" Morris snorted. "A young feller like Immerglick, what buys it of +us a couple of hundred dollars at a time, she falls all over herself to +please him, Abe. And why? Because Immerglick's got a fine <i>mus</i>tache and +is a swell dresser and he ain't married. But you take it a good customer +like Adolph Rothstein, Abe, and what does she do? At first she was all +smiles to him, because Adolph is a good-looking feller. But then she +hears him telling me a hard-luck story about his wife's operation and +how his eldest boy Sammie is now seven already and ain't never been sick +in his life, and last month he gets the whooping cough and all six of +Adolph's boys gets it one after the other. Then, Abe, she treats Adolph +like a dawg, Abe, and the first thing you know he looks at his watch and +says he got an appointment and he'll be back. But he don't come back at +all, Abe, and this noontime I seen Leon Sammet<!-- Page 137 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[Pg 137]</a></span> and Adolph in +Wasserbauer's Restaurant. They was eating the regular dinner <i>with +chicken</i>, Abe, and I seen Leon pay for it."</p> + +<p>Abe received his partner's harangue in silence. His eyes gazed vacantly +at the store door, which had just opened to admit the letter-carrier.</p> + +<p>"Suppose we do lose a couple of hundred dollars trade," he said at +length; "one customer like Philip Hahn will make it up ten times, +Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"Well, you'll lose him, too, Abe, if you don't look out," said Morris, +who had concluded the reading of a typewritten letter with a scrawled +postscript. "Just see what he writes us."</p> + +<p>He handed over the missive, which read as follows:</p> <br /> <br /> <table +class="tspec2" summary="correspondence"> <tr> <td class="tdleft" colspan="2"><span class="smcap">Messrs. Potash & +Perlmutter</span>.</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft" colspan="2"><i>Gents:</i> We are requested by Mrs. Kreitmann of your city +to ask about a young fellow what works for you by the name of Emanuel +Gubin. Has he any future, and what is his prospects? By doing so you +will greatly oblige</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft"></td> <td class="tdcenter">Truly yours,</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft"></td> <td class="tdright"><span class="smcap">The Flower City Credit Outfitting +Co</span>.</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft" colspan="2">Dic. PH/K</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft" colspan="2">P. S. I don't like such monkey business. I thought you +knew it. I don't want no salesman. What is the matter with you anyway?</td> </tr> <tr> +<td class="tdleft"></td> <td class="tdright"><span class="smcap">Philip Hahn</span></td> </tr> </table> <br /> <br /> <p>Abe folded up the letter, and his mouth became a +straight line of determination under his stubby mustache.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 138 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[Pg 138]</a></span>"I guess I fix that young feller," he cried, seizing a pen. He +wrote:</p> <br /> <br /> <table class="tspec2" summary="correspondence"> <tr> <td class="tdleft" colspan="2"><span class="smcap">Flower City Credit Outfitting Company</span>.</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft" colspan="2"><i>Gents:</i> Your favor +of the 14th inst. received and contents noted and in reply would say the +young fellow what you inquire about ain't got no future with us and the +prospects is he gets fired on Saturday. We trust this is satisfactory.</td> </tr> <tr> +<td class="tdleft"></td> <td class="tdcenter">Truly yours,</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft"></td> <td class="tdright"><span class="smcap">Potash & Perlmutter</span>.</td> </tr> </table> <br /> <br /> <p>On Saturday afternoon +Morris Perlmutter was putting on his hat and coat preparatory to going +home. He had just fired Mannie Gubin with a relish and satisfaction +second only to what would have been his sensations if the operation had +been directed toward Miss Kreitmann. As he was about to leave the +show-room Abe entered.</p> + +<p>"Oh, Mawruss," Abe cried, "you ought to see Miss Kreitmann. She's +all broke up about Mannie Gubin, and she's crying something terrible."</p> + +<p>"Is she?" Morris said, peering over his partner's shoulder at the +grief-stricken model, who was giving vent to her emotions in the far +corner of the salesroom. "Well, Abe, you tell her to come away from them +light goods and cry over the blue satinets. They don't spot so bad."</p> + +<p>Miss Gussie Kreitmann evidently knew how to conceal a secret +sorrow, for outwardly she remained unchanged. She continued to scowl at +those of her employers' customers who were men of family, and<!-- Page +139 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[Pg 139]</a></span> beamed upon the unmarried trade with all the partiality +she had displayed during Mannie Gubin's tenure of employment. Indeed, +her amiability toward the bachelors was if anything intensified, +especially in the case of Mendel Immerglick.</p> + +<p>Many times he had settled lunch checks in two figures, for +Miss Kreitmann's appetite was in proportion to her size. Moreover, +a prominent Broadway florist was threatening Mendel with suit for +flowers supplied Miss Kreitmann at his request. Nor were there +lacking other signs, such as the brilliancy of Mendel's cravats and the +careful manicuring of his nails, to indicate that he was paying court to +Miss Kreitmann.</p> + +<p>"I think, Abe," Morris said finally, "we're due for an inquiry from the +Flower City Company about Immerglick & Frank."</p> + +<p>"I hope not, Mawruss," Abe replied. "I never liked them people, Mawruss. +In fact, last week Mendel Immerglick struck me for new +terms—ninety instead of sixty days—and he wanted to give me +a couple of thousand dollar order. I turned him down cold, Mawruss. +People what throw such a bluff like Mendel Immerglick don't give me no +confidence, Mawruss. I'm willing to sell him up to five hundred at sixty +days, but that's all." "Oh, I don't know, Abe," Morris protested. "A +couple of bright boys like Mendel Immerglick and<!-- Page 140 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[Pg 140]</a></span> Louis Frank can +work up a nice business after a while."</p> + +<p>"Can they?" Abe rejoined. "Well, more likely they work up a nice line of +credit, Mawruss, and then, little by little, they make it a big failure, +Mawruss. A feller what curls his mustache like Mendel Immerglick ain't +no stranger to auction houses, Mawruss. I bet yer he's got it all +figured out right now where he can get advance checks on consignments."</p> + +<p>"I think you do the feller an injury, Abe," said Morris. "I think he +means well, and besides, Abe, business people is getting so conservative +that there ain't no more money in failures."</p> + +<p>"I guess there's enough for Mendel Immerglick," Abe said, and dismissed +the subject.</p> + +<p>Two weeks later the anticipated letter arrived in the following form:</p> +<br /> <table class="tspec2" summary="correspondence"> <tr> <td class="tdleft" colspan="2"><span class="smcap">Messrs. Potash & Perlmutter</span>.</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft" colspan="2"><i>Gents:</i> Mrs. Kreitmann of your +city requests us to ask you about one of your customers by the name of +Mr. Mendel Immerglick, of Immerglick & Frank. We drew a report +on him by both commercial agencies and are fairly well satisfied, but +would be obliged if you should make inquiries amongst the trade for us +and greatly oblige</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft"></td> <td class="tdcenter">Yours truly,</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft"></td> <td class="tdright"><span class="smcap">The Flower City Credit Outfitting +Co</span>.</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft">Dic. PH/K</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft" colspan="2">P. S. I hear it this fellow is a good bright young +fellow. I will be in N. Y. next month and expect to lay in my spring +goods.</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft"></td> <td class="tdright"><span class="smcap">Philip Hahn</span>.</td> </tr> </table> <br /> <br /> <p><!-- Page 141 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[Pg 141]</a></span>"Well, Mawruss," Abe said, as he +finished reading the letter, "I'm sorry to get this letter. I don't know +what I could tell it him about this fellow Immerglick. Now, if it was a +responsible concern like Henry Feigenbaum, of the H. F. Cloak +Company, it would be different."</p> + +<p>"Henry Feigenbaum!" Morris exclaimed. "Why, he's only got one eye."</p> + +<p>"I know it, Mawruss," Abe replied, "but he's got six stores, and they're +all making out good. But, anyhow, Mawruss, I ain't going to do nothing +in a hurry. I'll make good inquiries before I answer him."</p> + +<p>"What's the use of making inquiries?" Morris protested. "Tell him it's +all right. I got enough of this Miss Kreitmann already, Abe. She's +killed enough trade for us."</p> + +<p>"What!" Abe cried. "Tell him it's all right, when for all I know Mendel +Immerglick is headed straight for the bankruptcy courts, Mawruss. You +must be crazy, Mawruss. Ain't Hahn said he's coming down next month to +buy his spring goods? What you want to do, Mawruss? Throw three to five +thousand dollars in the street, Mawruss?"</p> + +<p>"You talk foolishness, Abe," Morris rejoined. "Once a man gets married, +his wife's family has got to stand for him. Suppose he does bust up; +would that be our fault, Abe? Then Philip Hahn sets him up in business +again, and the first thing you know, Abe, we got two customers instead +of<!-- Page 142 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[Pg 142]</a></span> one. And I bet yer we could get Philip Hahn to guarantee the +account yet."</p> + +<p>"Them theories what you got, Mawruss, sounds good, but maybe he busts up +<i>before</i> they get married, and then, Mawruss, we lose Philip Hahn's +business and Max Fried's business, and we are also out a sterling silver +engagement present for Miss Kreitmann. Ain't it?" He put on his hat +and coat and lit a cigar.</p> + +<p>"I guess, Mawruss, I'll go right now," he concluded, "and see what I can +find out about him."</p> + +<p>In three hours he returned and entered the show-room.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," Morris cried, "what did you find out? Is it all right?"</p> + +<p>Abe carefully selected a fresh cigar and shook his head solemnly.</p> + +<p>"Nix, Mawruss," he said. "Mendel Immerglick is nix for a nice girl like +Miss Kreitmann."</p> + +<p>He took paper out of his waistcoat pocket for the purpose of refreshing +his memory.</p> + +<p>"First, I seen Moe Klein, of Klinger & Klein," he went on. "Moe says +he seen Mendel Immerglick, in the back of Wasserbauer's Café, +playing auction pinochle with a couple of loafer salesmen at three +o'clock in the afternoon, and while Moe was standing there already them +two low-lives set Immerglick back three times on four hundred hands at a +dollar a hundred, <i>double double</i>."</p> + +<p>"And what was Moe doing there?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 143 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[Pg 143]</a></span>"I wasn't making no investigation of Moe, Mawruss," Abe replied. +"Believe me, I got enough to do to find out about Immerglick. Also, Moe +tells me that Immerglick comes into their place and wants to buy off +them three thousand dollars at ninety days."</p> + +<p>"And did they sell him?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>"Did they <i>sell</i> him?" Abe cried. "If you was to meet a burglar coming +into the store at midnight with a jimmy and a dark lantern, Mawruss, I +suppose you'd volunteer to give him the combination of the safe. What? +No, Mawruss, they didn't sell him. Such customers is for suckers like +Sammet Brothers, Mawruss. Leon Sammet says they sold him three thousand +at four months. Also, Elenbogen sold him a big bill, same terms, +Mawruss. But big houses like Wechsel, Baum & Miller and Frederick +Stettermann won't sell him at any terms, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"If everybody was so conservative like Wechsel, Baum & Miller," said +Morris, "the retailers might as well go out of business."</p> + +<p>"Wait a bit, Mawruss," Abe replied. "That ain't all. Louis Frank's wife +is a sister to the Traders' and Merchants' Outlet, of +Louisville—you know that thief, Marks Leshinsky; and Louis Frank's +uncle, Mawruss, is Elkan Frank & Company, them big swindlers, them +auctioneers, out in Chicago."</p> + +<p>Abe sat down and dipped his pen in the inkwell<!-- Page 144 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[Pg 144]</a></span> with such force +that the spotless surface of Morris' shirt, which he had donned that +morning, assumed a polkadot pattern. It was, therefore, some minutes +before Abe could devote himself to his task in silence. Finally, he +evolved the following:</p> <br /> <br /> + +<table class="tspec2" summary="correspondence"> <tr> <td class="tdcenter" colspan="2"><span class="smcap">The Flower City Credit Outfitting Co</span>.</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="trleft" colspan="2"><i>Gents</i>: Your favor of the +16th inst. received and contents noted, and in reply would say our +Mr. Potash seen the trade extensively and we are sorry to say it in +the strictest confidence that we ain't got no confidence in the party +you name. You should on no consideration do anything in the matter as +all accounts are very bad. We will tell your Mr. Hahn the +particulars when he is next in our city.</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft"></td> <td class="tdcenter">Yours truly,</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft"></td> <td class="tdright"><span class="smcap">Potash & +Perlmutter</span>.</td> </tr> </table> <br /> <br /> + +<p>"It ain't no more than he deserves, Mawruss," Abe commented after Morris +had read the letter.</p> + +<p>"No," Morris admitted, "but after the way Miss Kreitmann got that +feller Gubin in the hole and the way she treated Adolph Rothstein, Abe, +it ain't no more than she deserves, neither."</p> + +<p>For several days afterward Miss Kreitmann went about her work with +nothing but scowls for Potash & Perlmutter's customers, married and +unmarried alike.</p> + +<p>"The thing goes too far, Abe," Morris protested. "She kills our entire +trade. Hahn or no Hahn, Abe, I say we should fire her."</p> + +<p>Abe shook his head. "It ain't necessary, Mawruss," he replied.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 145 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[Pg 145]</a></span>"What d'ye mean?"</p> + +<p>"The girl gets desperate, Mawruss. She fires herself. She told me this +morning she don't see no future here, so she's going to leave at the end +of the week. She says she will maybe take up trained nursing. She hears +it that there are lots of openings for a young woman that way."</p> + +<p>Morris sat down and fairly beamed with satisfaction.</p> + +<p>"That's the best piece of news I hear it in a long time, Abe," he said. +"Now we can do maybe some business."</p> + +<p>"Maybe we can," Abe admitted. "But not with Philip Hahn."</p> + +<p>"Why not?" Morris cried. "We done our best by him. Ain't we? Through him +we lost it a good customer, and we got to let go a good shipping clerk."</p> + +<p>"Not a <i>good</i> shipping clerk, Mawruss," Abe corrected.</p> + +<p>"Well, he was a good one till Miss Kreitmann comes."</p> + +<p>Abe made no reply. He took refuge in the columns of the Daily Cloak and +Suit Record and perused the business troubles items.</p> + +<p>"Was it our fault that Immerglick is N. G., Abe?" Morris went on. "Is +it——"</p> + +<p>"Ho-ly smokes!" Abe broke in. "What d'ye think of that?"</p> + +<p>"What do I think of what?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 146 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[Pg 146]</a></span>"Immerglick & Frank," Abe read aloud. "A petition in +bankruptcy was this day filed against Immerglick & Frank, doing +business as the 'Vienna Store.' This firm has been a heavy purchaser +throughout the trade during the past two months, but when the receiver +took possession there remained only a small stock of goods. The receiver +has retained counsel and will examine Louis Frank under Section 21 A of +the Bankruptcy Act. It is understood that Mendel Immerglick, the senior +partner, sailed for Hamburg last week on the Kaiserin Luisa Victoria and +intends to remain in Germany for an indefinite time."</p> + +<p>Abe laid down the paper with a sigh of relief.</p> + +<p>"If that don't make us solid with Philip Hahn, Mawruss," he said, +"nothing will."</p> + +<p>Miss Kreitmann left at the end of the week, and Abe and Morris +wasted no time in vain regrets over her departure, but proceeded at once +to assort and make up a new line of samples for Philip Hahn's +inspection. For three days they jumped every time a customer entered the +store, and Abe wore a genial smile of such fixity that his face fairly +ached.</p> + +<p>At length, on the Thursday following Miss Kreitmann's resignation, +while Abe was flicking an imaginary grain of dust from the spotless +array of samples, the store door burst open and a short, stout person +entered. Abe looked up and, emitting an exclamation, rushed forward with +both arms extended in hearty greeting.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 147 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[Pg 147]</a></span>"<i>Mis</i>ter Hahn," he cried, "how <i>do</i> you do?"</p> + +<p>The newcomer drew himself up haughtily, and his small mustache seemed to +shed sparks of indignation.</p> + +<p>Abe stopped short in hurt astonishment.</p> + +<p>"Is th-there a-anything the matter?" he faltered.</p> + +<p>"Is there anything the matter!" Mr. Hahn roared. "Is there anything +the matter! That's a fine question for <i>you</i> to ask."</p> + +<p>"W-w-why?" Abe stuttered. "Ain't everything all right?"</p> + +<p>Mr. Hahn, with an effort that bulged every vein in his bald +forehead, subsided into comparative calm.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Potash," he said, "I bought from you six bills of goods in the +last few months. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>Abe nodded.</p> + +<p>"And I never claimed no shortages and never made no kicks nor nothing, +but always paid up prompt on the day like a gentleman. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>Abe nodded again.</p> + +<p>"And this is what I get for it," Mr. Hahn went on bitterly. "My own +niece on my wife's side, I put her in your care. I ask you to take it an +interest in her. You promise me you will do your best. You tell me and +Max Fried you will look after her"—he hesitated, almost overcome +by emotion—"like a father. You said that when I bought the second +bill. And what happens? The only chance she gets to make a decent match, +you write me the feller ain't no good.<!-- Page 148 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[Pg 148]</a></span> Naturally, I think you +got some sense, and so I busts the affair up."</p> + +<p>"Well," Abe said, "I did write you he wasn't no good, and he wasn't no +good, neither. Ain't he just made it a failure?"</p> + +<p>Mr. Hahn grew once more infuriated.</p> + +<p>"A failure!" he yelled. "I should say he did make a failure. <i>What</i> a +failure he made! Fool! Donkey! The man got away with a hundred thousand +dollars and is living like a prince in the old country. And poor Gussie, +she loved him, too! She cries night and day."</p> + +<p>He stopped to wipe a sympathetic tear.</p> + +<p>"She cries pretty easy," Abe said. "She cried when we fired Mannie +Gubin, too."</p> + +<p>Hahn bristled again.</p> + +<p>"You insult me. What?" he cried. "You try to get funny with me. Hey? All +right. I fix you. So far what I can help it, never no more do you sell +me or Max or anybody what is friends of ours a button. Not a button! +Y'understand?"</p> + +<p>He wheeled about and the next moment the store door banged with +cannon-like percussion. Morris came from behind a rack of raincoats and +tiptoed toward Abe.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," he said, "you put your foot in it that time."</p> + +<p>Abe mopped the perspiration from his brow and bit the end off a cigar.</p> + +<p>"We done business before we had Philip Hahn for<!-- Page 149 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[Pg 149]</a></span> a customer, +Mawruss," he said, "and I guess we'll do it again. Ain't it?"</p> <br /> <p +class="center"> * * * * *</p> +<br /> <p>Six months later Abe was scanning the columns of the Daily Cloak and +Suit Record while Morris examined the morning mail.</p> + +<p>"Yes, Mawruss," he said at length. "Some people get only what they +deserve. I always said it, some day Philip Hahn will be sorry he treated +us the way he did. I bet yer he's sorry now."</p> + +<p>"So far what I hear, Abe," Morris replied, "he ain't told us nor nobody +else that he's sorry. In fact, I seen him coming out of Sammet Brothers' +yesterday, and he looked at me like he would treat us worser already, if +he could. What makes you think he's sorry, Abe?"</p> + +<p>"Well," Abe went on, "if he <i>ain't</i> sorry he <i>ought</i> to be."</p> + +<p>He handed the Daily Cloak and Suit Record to Morris and indicated the +New Business column with his thumb.</p> + +<p>"Rochester, N. Y.," it read. "Philip Hahn, doing business here as the +Flower City Credit Outfitting Company, announces that he has taken into +partnership Emanuel Gubin, who recently married Mr. Hahn's niece. +The business will be conducted under the old firm style."</p> + +<p>Morris handed back the paper with a smile.</p> + +<p>"I seen Leon Sammet on the subway this morning<!-- Page 150 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[Pg 150]</a></span> and he told me +all about it," he commented. "He says Gubin eloped with her."</p> + +<p>Abe shook his head. "You got it wrong, Mawruss. You must be mistaken," +he concluded. "<i>She</i> eloped with Gubin."</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <h2>CHAPTER VIII</h2> <br /> <br /> <p>"You carry a fine stock, Mr. Sheitlis," Abe +Potash exclaimed as he glanced around the well-filled shelves of the +Suffolk Credit Outfitting Company.</p> + +<p>"That ain't all the stock I carry," Mr. Sheitlis, the proprietor, +exclaimed. "I got also another stock which I am anxious to dispose of +it, Mr. Potash, and you could help me out, maybe."</p> + +<p>Abe smiled with such forced amiability that his mustache was completely +engulfed between his nose and his lower lip.</p> + +<p>"I ain't buying no cloaks, Mr. Sheitlis," he said. "I'm selling +'em."</p> + +<p>"Not a stock from cloaks, Mr. Potash," Mr. Sheitlis explained; +"but a stock from gold and silver."</p> + +<p>"I ain't in the jewelry business, neither," Abe said.</p> + +<p>"That ain't the stock what I mean," Mr. Sheitlis cried. "Wait a bit +and I'll show you."</p> + +<p>He went to the safe in his private office and returned with a crisp +parchment-paper certificate bearing<!-- Page 151 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[Pg 151]</a></span> in gilt characters the +legend, Texas-Nevada Gold and Silver Mining Corporation.</p> + +<p>"This is what I mean it," he said; "stock from stock exchanges. I paid +one dollar a share for this hundred shares."</p> + +<p>Abe took the certificate and gazed at it earnestly with unseeing eyes. +Mr. Sheitlis had just purchased a liberal order of cloaks and suits +from Potash & Perlmutter, and it was, therefore, a difficult matter +for Abe to turn down this stock proposition without offending a good +customer.</p> + +<p>"Well, Mr. Sheitlis," he commenced, "me and Mawruss Perlmutter we +do business under a copartnership agreement, and it says we ain't +supposed to buy no stocks from stock exchanges, and——"</p> + +<p>"I ain't asking you to buy it," Mr. Sheitlis broke in. "I only want +you to do me something for a favor. You belong in New York where all +them stock brokers is, so I want you should be so kind and take this +here stock to one of them stock brokers and see what I can get for it. +Maybe I could get a profit for it, and then, of course, I should pay you +something for your trouble."</p> + +<p>"Pay me something!" Abe exclaimed in accents of relief. "Why, +Mr. Sheitlis, what an idea! Me and Mawruss would be only too glad, +Mr. Sheitlis, to try and sell it for you, and the more we get it +for the stock the gladder we would be for your sake. I wouldn't take a +penny for selling it if you should make a million out of it."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 152 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[Pg 152]</a></span>"A million I won't make it," Mr. Sheitlis replied, +dismissing the subject. "I'll be satisfied if I get ten dollars for it." +He walked toward the front door of his store with Abe.</p> + +<p>"What is the indications for spring business in the wholesale trade, +Mr. Potash," he asked blandly.</p> + +<p>Abe shook his head.</p> + +<p>"It should be good, maybe," he replied; "only, you can't tell nothing +about it. Silks is the trouble."</p> + +<p>"Silks?" Mr. Sheitlis rejoined. "Why, silks makes goods sell high, +Mr. Potash. Ain't it? Certainly, I admit it you got to pay more for +silk piece goods as for cotton piece goods, but you take the same per +cent. profit on the price of the silk as on the price of the cotton, and +so you make more in the end. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"If silk piece goods is low or middling, Mr. Sheitlis," Abe replied +sadly, "there is a good deal in what you say. But silk is high this +year, Mr. Sheitlis, so high you wouldn't believe me if I tell you +we got to pay twicet as much this year as three years ago already."</p> + +<p>Mr. Sheitlis clucked sympathetically.</p> + +<p>"And if we charge the retailer twicet as much for a garment next year +what he pays three years ago already, Mr. Sheitlis," Abe went on, +"we won't do no business. Ain't it? So we got to cut our profits, and +that's the way it goes in the cloak and suit business. You don't know +where you are at<!-- Page 153 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[Pg 153]</a></span> no more than when you got stocks from stock +exchanges."</p> + +<p>"Well, Mr. Potash," Sheitlis replied encouragingly, "next season is +next season, but now is this season, and from the prices what you quoted +it me, Mr. Potash, you ain't going to the poorhouse just yet a +while."</p> + +<p>"I only hope it that you make more profit on the stock than we make it +on the order you just give us," Abe rejoined as he shook his customer's +hand in token of farewell. "Good-by, Mr. Sheitlis, and as soon as I +get back in New York I'll let you know all about it."</p> + +<p>Two days after Abe's return to New York he sat in Potash & +Perlmutter's show-room, going over next year's models as published in +the Daily Cloak and Suit Record. His partner, Morris Perlmutter, puffed +disconsolately at a cigar which a competitor had given him in exchange +for credit information.</p> + +<p>"Them cigars what Klinger & Klein hands out," he said to his +partner, "has asbestos wrappers and excelsior fillers, I bet yer. I'd as +lief smoke a kerosene lamp."</p> + +<p>"You got your worries, Mawruss," Abe replied. "Just look at them next +year's models, Mawruss, and a little thing like cigars wouldn't trouble +you at all. Silk, soutache and buttons they got it, Mawruss. I guess +pretty soon them Paris people will be getting out garments trimmed with +solitaire diamonds."<!-- Page 154 --></p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[Pg 154]</a></span>Morris seized the paper and examined the half-tone cuts with a +critical eye.</p> + +<p>"You're right, Abe," he said. "We'll have our troubles next season, but +we take our profit on silk goods, Abe, the same as we do on cotton +goods."</p> + +<p>Abe was about to retort when a wave of recollection came over him, and +he clutched wildly at his breast pocket.</p> + +<p>"Ho-ly smokes!" he cried. "I forgot all about it."</p> + +<p>"Forgot all about what?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>"B. Sheitlis, of the Suffolk Credit Outfitting Company," Abe replied. +"He give me a stock in Pittsburg last week, and I forgot all about it."</p> + +<p>"A stock!" Morris exclaimed. "What for a stock?"</p> + +<p>"A stock from the stock exchange," Abe replied; "a stock from gold and +silver mines. He wanted me I should do it a favor for him and see a +stock broker here and sell it for him."</p> + +<p>"Well, that's pretty easy," Morris rejoined. "There's lots of stock +brokers in New York, Abe. There's pretty near as many stock brokers as +there is suckers, Abe."</p> + +<p>"Maybe there is, Mawruss," Abe replied, "but I don't know any of them."</p> + +<p>"No?" Morris said. "Well, Sol Klinger, of Klinger & Klein, could +tell you, I guess. I seen him in the subway this morning, and he was +pretty near having a fit over the financial page of the Sun. I<!-- Page +155 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[Pg 155]</a></span> asked him if he seen a failure there, and he says no, +but Steel has went up to seventy, maybe it was eighty. So I says to him +he should let Andrew Carnegie worry about that, and he says if he would +of bought it at forty he would have been in thirty thousand dollars +already."</p> + +<p>"Who?" Abe asked. "Andrew Carnegie?"</p> + +<p>"No," Morris said; "Sol Klinger. So I says to him I could get all the +excitement I wanted out of auction pinochle and he says——"</p> + +<p>"S'enough, Mawruss," Abe broke in. "I heard enough already. I'll ring +him up and ask him the name of the broker what does his business."</p> + +<p>He went to the telephone in the back of the store and returned a moment +later and put on his hat and coat.</p> + +<p>"I rung up Sol, Mawruss," he said, "and Sol tells me that a good broker +is Gunst & Baumer. They got a branch office over Hill, Arkwright +& Thompson, the auctioneers, Mawruss. He says a young feller by the +name Milton Fiedler is manager, and if he can't sell that stock, +Mawruss, Sol says nobody can. So I guess I'll go right over and see him +while I got it in my mind."</p> + +<p>Milton Fiedler had served an arduous apprenticeship before he attained +the position of branch manager for Gunst & Baumer in the dry-goods +district. During the thirty odd years of his life he had been in turn +stockboy, clothing salesman, bookmaker's clerk, faro dealer, poolroom +cashier and, finally,<!-- Page 156 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[Pg 156]</a></span> bucketshop proprietor. When the police +closed him up he sought employment with Gunst & Baumer, whose +exchange affiliations precluded any suspicion of bucketing, but who, +nevertheless, did a thriving business in curb securities of the +cat-and-dog variety, and it was in this particular branch of the science +of investment and speculation that Milton excelled. Despite his expert +knowledge, however, he was slightly stumped, as the vernacular has it, +when Abe Potash produced B. Sheitlis' stock, for in all his bucketshop +and curb experience he had never even heard of the Texas-Nevada Gold and +Silver Mining Corporation.</p> + +<p>"This is one of those smaller mines, Mr. Potash," he explained, +"which sometimes get to be phenomenal profit-makers. Of course, I can't +tell you offhand what the value of the stock is, but I'll make inquiries +at once. The inside market at present is very strong, as you know."</p> + +<p>Abe nodded, as he thought was expected of him, although "inside" and +"outside" markets were all one to him.</p> + +<p>"And curb securities naturally feel the influence of the bullish +sentiment," Fiedler continued. "It isn't the business of a broker to try +to influence a customer's choice, but I'd like you to step +outside"—they were in the manager's private office—"and look +at the quotation board for a moment. Interstate Copper is remarkably +active this morning."</p> + +<p>He led Abe into an adjoining room where a tall<!-- Page 157 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[Pg 157]</a></span> youth was taking +green cardboard numbers from a girdle which he wore, and sticking them +on the quotation board.</p> + +<p>"Hello!" Fiedler exclaimed as the youth affixed a new number. +"Interstate Copper has advanced a whole point since two days ago. It's +now two and an eighth."</p> + +<p>Simultaneously, a young man in the back of the room exclaimed aloud in +woeful profanity.</p> + +<p>"What's the matter with him?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"They play 'em both ways—a-hem!" Fiedler corrected himself in +time. "Occasionally we have a customer who sells short of the market, +and then, of course, if the market goes up he gets +stung—er—he sustains a loss."</p> + +<p>Here the door opened and Sol Klinger entered. His bulging eyes fell on +the quotation board, and at once his face spread into a broad smile.</p> + +<p>"Hello, Sol!" Abe cried. "You look like you sold a big bill of goods."</p> + +<p>"I hope I look better than that, Abe," Sol replied. "I make it more on +that Interstate Copper in two days what I could make it on ten big bills +of goods. That's a great property, Abe."</p> + +<p>"I think Mr. Klinger will have reason to congratulate himself still +more by to-morrow, Mr. Potash," Fiedler broke in. "Interstate +Copper is a stock with an immediate future."</p> + +<p>"You bet," Sol agreed. "I'm going to hold on to mine. It'll go up to +five inside of a week."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 158 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[Pg 158]</a></span>The young man from the rear of the room took the two rows of +chairs at a jump.</p> + +<p>"Fiedler," he said, "I'm going to cover right away. Buy me a thousand +Interstate at the market."</p> + +<p>Sol nudged Abe, and after the young man and Fiedler had disappeared into +the latter's private office Sol imparted in hoarse whispers to Abe that +the young man was reported to have information from the ground-floor +crowd about Interstate Copper.</p> + +<p>"Well, if that's so," Abe replied, "why does he lose money on it?"</p> + +<p>"Because," Sol explained, "he's got an idee that if you act just +contrariwise to the inside information what you get it, why then you +come out right."</p> + +<p>Abe shook his head hopelessly.</p> + +<p>"Pinochle, I understand it," he said, "and skat a little also. But this +here stocks from stock exchanges is worser than chest what they play it +in coffee-houses."</p> + +<p>"You don't need to understand it, Abe," Sol replied. "All you do is to +buy a thousand Interstate Copper to-day or to-morrow at any price up to +two and a half, Abe, and I give you a guarantee that you make +twenty-five hundred dollars by next week."</p> + +<p>When Abe returned to his place of business that day he had developed a +typical case of stock-gambling fever, with which he proceeded to +inoculate Morris as soon as the latter came back from lunch. Abe at once +recounted all his experiences of<!-- Page 159 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[Pg 159]</a></span> the morning and dwelt +particularly on the phenomenal rise of Interstate Copper.</p> + +<p>"Sol says he guarantees that we double our money in a week," he +concluded.</p> + +<p>"Did he say he would put it in writing?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>Abe glared at Morris for an instant.</p> + +<p>"Do you think I am making jokes?" he rejoined. "He don't got to put it +in writing, Mawruss. It's as plain as the nose on your face. We pay +twenty-five hundred dollars for a thousand shares at two and a half +to-day, and next week it goes up to five and we sell it and make it +twenty-five hundred dollars. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"Who do we sell it to?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>Abe pondered for a moment, then his face brightened up.</p> + +<p>"Why, to the stock exchange, certainly," he replied.</p> + +<p>"<i>Must</i> they buy it from us, Abe?" Morris inquired.</p> + +<p>"Sure they must, Mawruss," Abe said. "Ain't Sol Klinger always selling +his stocks to them people?"</p> + +<p>"Well, Sol Klinger got his customers, Abe, and we got ours," Morris +replied doubtfully. "Maybe them people would buy it from Sol and +wouldn't buy it from us."</p> + +<p>For the rest of the afternoon Morris plied Abe with questions about the +technicalities of the stock<!-- Page 160 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[Pg 160]</a></span> market until Abe took refuge in +flight and went home at half-past five. The next morning Morris resumed +his quiz until Abe's replies grew personal in character.</p> + +<p>"What's the use of trying to explain something to nobody what don't +understand nothing?" he exclaimed.</p> + +<p>"Maybe I don't understand it," Morris admitted, "but also you don't +understand it, too, maybe. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"I understand this much, Mawruss," Abe cried—"I understand, +Mawruss, that if Sol Klinger tells me he guarantees it I make +twenty-five hundred dollars, and this here Milton Fiedler, too, he also +says it, and a young feller actually with my own eyes I see it buys this +stock because he's got information from inside people, why shouldn't +<i>we</i> buy it and make money on it? Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>Morris was about to reply when the letter carrier entered with the +morning mail. Abe took the bundle of envelopes, and on the top of the +pile was a missive from Gunst & Baumer. Abe tore open the envelope +and looked at the letter hurriedly. "You see, Mawruss," he cried, +"already it goes up a sixteenth." He handed the letter to Morris. It +read as follows:</p> <br/> <br /> <table class="tspec2" summary="correspondence"> <tr> <td class="tdleft" colspan="3"><i>Gentlemen:</i></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft" colspan="3">For your information we beg to +advise you that Interstate Copper advanced a sixteenth at the close of +the market yesterday. Should you desire us to execute a buying order in +these securities, we urge you to let us know before ten o'clock +to-morrow morning, as we believe that a sharp advance will follow the +opening of the market.</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft"></td> <td class="tdleft" colspan="2">Truly yours,</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdright"></td> <td class="tdright1" colspan="2"><span class="smcap">Gunst & Baumer</span></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdright"></td> <td +class="tdright" colspan="2">Milton Fiedler, Mgr.</td> </tr> </table> <p><!-- Page 161 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[Pg 161]</a></span></p> <br /> <br /> <p>"Well," +Abe said, "what do you think, Mawruss?"</p> + +<p>"Think!" Morris cried. "Why, I think that he ain't said nothing to us +about them gold and silver stocks of B. Sheitlis', Abe, so I guess he +ain't sold 'em yet. If he can't sell a stock from gold and silver +already, Abe, what show do we stand with a stock from copper?"</p> + +<p>"That Sheitlis stock is only a small item, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"Well, maybe it is," Morris admitted, "but just you ring up and ask him. +Then, if we find that he sold that gold and silver stock we take a +chance on the copper."</p> + +<p>Abe hastened to the telephone in the rear of the store.</p> + +<p>"Listen, Abe," Morris called after him, "tell him it should be no dating +or discount, strictly net cash."</p> + +<p>In less than a minute, Abe was conversing with Fiedler.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Fiedler!" he said. "Hello, Mr. Fiedler! Is this you? Yes. +Well, me and Mawruss is about decided to buy a thousand of them stocks +what you showed me down at your store—at your office +yesterday,<!-- Page 162 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[Pg 162]</a></span> only, Mawruss says, why should we buy them +goods—them stocks if you ain't sold that other stocks already. +First, he says, you should sell them stocks from gold and silver, +Mr. Fiedler, and then we buy them copper ones."</p> + +<p>Mr. Fiedler, at the other end of the 'phone, hesitated before +replying. The Texas-Nevada Gold and Silver Mining Corporation was a +paper mine that had long since faded from the memory of every bucketshop +manager he knew, and its stock was worth absolutely nothing. Yet Gunst +& Baumer, as the promoters of Interstate Copper, would clear at +least two thousand dollars by the sale of the stock to Abe and Morris; +hence, Fiedler took a gambler's chance.</p> + +<p>"Why, Mr. Potash," he said, "a boy is already on the way to your +store with a check for that very stock. I sold it for three hundred +dollars and I sent you a check for two hundred and seventy-five dollars. +Twenty-five dollars is our usual charge for selling a hundred shares of +stock that ain't quoted on the curb."</p> + +<p>"Much obliged, Mr. Fiedler," Abe said. "I'll be down there with a +check for twenty-five hundred."</p> + +<p>"All right," Mr. Fiedler replied. "I'll go ahead and buy the stock +for your account."</p> + +<p>"Well," Abe said, "don't do that until I come down. I got to fix it up +with my partner first, Mr. Fiedler, and just as soon as I can get +there I'll bring you the check."</p> + +<p>Twenty minutes after Abe had rung off a messenger<!-- Page 163 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[Pg 163]</a></span> arrived with a +check for two hundred and seventy-five dollars, and Morris included it +in the morning deposits which he was about to send over to the Kosciusko +Bank.</p> + +<p>"While you're doing that, Mawruss," Abe said, "you might as well draw a +check for twenty-five hundred dollars for that stock."</p> + +<p>Morris grunted.</p> + +<p>"That's going to bring down our balance a whole lot, Abe," he said.</p> + +<p>"Only for a week, Mawruss," Abe corrected, "and then we'll sell it +again."</p> + +<p>"Whose order do I write it to, Abe?" Morris inquired.</p> + +<p>"I forgot to ask that," Abe replied.</p> + +<p>"Gunst & Baumer?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>"They ain't the owners of it, Mawruss," said Abe. "They're only the +brokers."</p> + +<p>"Maybe Sol Klinger is selling it to the stock-exchange people and +they're selling it to us," Morris suggested.</p> + +<p>"Sol Klinger ain't going to sell his. He's going to hang on to it. Maybe +it's this young feller what I see there, Mawruss, only I don't know his +name."</p> + +<p>"Well, then, I'll make it out to Potash & Perlmutter, and you can +indorse it when you get there," said Morris.</p> + +<p>At this juncture a customer entered, and Abe took him into the +show-room, while Morris wrote out the check. For almost an hour and a +half Abe displayed<!-- Page 164 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[Pg 164]</a></span> the firm's line, from which the customer +selected a generous order, and when at last Abe was free to go down to +Gunst & Baumer's it was nearly twelve o'clock. He put on his hat and +coat, and jumped on a passing car, and it was not until he had traveled +two blocks that he remembered the check. He ran all the way back to the +store and, tearing the check out of the checkbook where Morris had left +it, he dashed out again and once more boarded a Broadway car. In front +of Gunst & Baumer's offices he leaped wildly from the car to the +street, and, escaping an imminent fire engine and a hosecart, he ran +into the doorway and took the stairs three at a jump.</p> + +<p>On the second floor of the building was Hill, Arkwright & Thompson's +salesroom, where a trade sale was in progress, and the throng of buyers +collected there overflowed onto the landing, but Abe elbowed his way +through the crowd and made the last flight in two seconds.</p> + +<p>"Is Mr. Fiedler in?" he gasped as he burst into the manager's +office of Gunst & Baumer's suite.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Fiedler went out to lunch," the office-boy replied. "He says +you should sit down and wait, and he'll be back in ten minutes."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 165 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[Pg 165]</a></span>But Abe was too nervous for sitting down, and the thought of the +customers' room with its quotation board only agitated him the more.</p> + +<p>"I guess I'll go downstairs to Hill, Arkwright & Thompson's," he +said, "and give a look around. I'll be back in ten minutes."</p> + +<p>He descended the stairs leisurely and again elbowed his way through the +crowd into the salesroom of Hill, Arkwright & Thompson. +Mr. Arkwright was on the rostrum, and as Abe entered he was +announcing the next lot.</p> + +<p>"Look at them carefully, gentlemen," he said. "An opportunity like this +seldom arises. They are all fresh goods, woven this season for next +season's business—foulard silks of exceptionally good design and +quality."</p> + +<p>At the word silks Abe started and made at once for the tables on which +the goods were piled. He examined them critically, and as he did so his +mind reverted to the half-tone cuts in the Daily Cloak and Suit Record. +Here was a rare chance to lay in a stock of piece goods that might not +recur for several years, certainly not before next season had passed.</p> + +<p>"It's to close an estate, gentlemen," Mr. Arkwright continued. "The +proprietor of the mills died recently, and his executors have decided to +wind up the business. All these silk foulards will be offered as one +lot. What is the bid?"</p> + +<p>Immediately competition became fast and furious, and Abe entered into it +with a zest and excitement that completely eclipsed all thought of stock +exchanges or copper shares. The bids rose by leaps and bounds, and when, +half an hour later, Abe emerged from the fray his collar was melted to +the consistency of a pocket handkerchief, but the light of victory shone +through his perspiration. He was the<!-- Page 166 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[Pg 166]</a></span> purchaser of the entire +lot, and by token of his ownership he indorsed the +twenty-five-hundred-dollar check to the order of Hill, Arkwright & +Thompson.</p> + +<p>The glow of battle continued with Abe until he reached the show-room of +his own place of business at two o'clock.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," Morris cried, "did you buy the stock?"</p> + +<p>"Huh?" Abe exclaimed, and then, for the first time since he saw the silk +foulards, he remembered Interstate Copper.</p> + +<p>"I was to Wasserbauer's Restaurant for lunch," Morris continued, "and in +the café I seen that thing what the baseball comes out of it, +Abe."</p> + +<p>"The tickler," Abe croaked.</p> + +<p>"That's it," Morris went on. "Also, Sol Klinger was looking at it, and +he told me Interstate Copper was up to three already."</p> + +<p>Abe sat down in a chair and passed his hand over his forehead.</p> + +<p>"That's the one time when you give it us good advice, Abe," said Morris. +"Sol says we may make it three thousand dollars yet."</p> + +<p>Abe nodded. He licked his dry lips and essayed to speak, but the words +of confession would not come.</p> + +<p>"It was a lucky day for us, Abe, when you seen B. Sheitlis," Morris +continued. "Of course, I ain't saying it was all luck, Abe, because it +wasn't. If you<!-- Page 167 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[Pg 167]</a></span> hadn't seen the opportunity, Abe, and practically +made me go into it, I wouldn't of done nothing, Abe."</p> + +<p>Abe nodded again. If the guilt he felt inwardly had expressed itself in +his face there would have been no need of confession. At length he +braced himself to tell it all; but just as he cleared his throat by way +of prelude Morris was summoned to the cutting-room and remained there +until closing-time. Thus, when Abe went home his secret remained locked +up within his breast, nor did he find it a comfortable burden, for when +he looked at the quotations of curb securities in the evening paper he +found that Interstate Copper had closed at four and a half, after a +total day's business of sixty thousand shares.</p> + +<p>The next morning Abe reached his store more than two hours after his +usual hour. He had rolled on his pillow all night, and it was almost day +before he could sleep.</p> + +<p>"Why, Abe," Morris cried when he saw him, "you look sick. What's the +matter?"</p> + +<p>"I feel mean, Mawruss," Abe replied. "I guess I eat something what +disagrees with me."</p> + +<p>Ordinarily, Morris would have made rejoinder to the effect that when a +man reached Abe's age he ought to know enough to take care of his +stomach; but Morris had devoted himself to the financial column of a +morning newspaper on his way downtown, and his feelings toward his +partner were mollified in proportion.<!-- Page 168 --></p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[Pg 168]</a></span>"That's too bad, Abe," he said. "Why don't you see a doctor?"</p> + +<p>Abe shook his head and was about to reply when the telephone bell rang.</p> + +<p>"That's Sol Klinger," Morris exclaimed. "He said he would let me know at +ten o'clock what this Interstate Copper opened at."</p> + +<p>He darted for the telephone in the rear of the store, and when he +returned his face was wreathed in smiles.</p> + +<p>"It has come up to five already," he cried. "We make it twenty-five +hundred dollars."</p> + +<p>While Morris was talking over the 'phone Abe had been trying to bring +his courage to the sticking point, and the confession was on the very +tip of his tongue when the news which Morris brought forced it back +again. He rose wearily to his feet.</p> + +<p>"I guess you think we're getting rich quick, Mawruss," he said, and +repaired to the bookkeeper's desk in the firm's private office. For the +next two hours and a half he dodged about, with one eye on Morris and +the other on the rear entrance to the store. He expected the silk to +arrive at any moment, and he knew that when it did the jig would be up. +It was with a sigh of relief that he saw Morris go out to lunch at +half-past twelve, and almost immediately afterward Hill, Arkwright & +Thompson's truckman arrived with the goods. Abe superintended the +disposal of the packing cases in the cutting-room, and he was engaged +in<!-- Page 169 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[Pg 169]</a></span> opening them when Miss Cohen, the bookkeeper, entered.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Potash," she said, "Mr. Perlmutter wants to see you in +the show-room."</p> + +<p>"Did he come back from lunch so soon?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"He came in right after he went out," she replied. "I guess he must be +sick. He looks sick."</p> + +<p>Abe turned pale.</p> + +<p>"I guess he found it out," he said to himself as he descended the stairs +and made for the show-room. When he entered he found Morris seated in a +chair with the first edition of an evening paper clutched in his hand.</p> + +<p>"What's the matter, Mawruss?" Abe said.</p> + +<p>Morris gulped once or twice and made a feeble attempt to brandish the +paper.</p> + +<p>"Matter?" he croaked. "Nothing's the matter. Only, we are out +twenty-five hundred dollars. That's all."</p> + +<p>"No, we ain't, Mawruss," Abe protested. "What we are out in one way we +make in another."</p> + +<p>Morris sought to control himself, but his pent-up emotions gave +themselves vent.</p> + +<p>"We do, hey?" he roared. "Well, maybe you think because I took your fool +advice this oncet that I'll do it again?"</p> + +<p>He grew red in the face.</p> + +<p>"Gambler!" he yelled. "Fool! You shed my blood! What? You want to ruin +me! Hey?"</p> + +<p><!-- Page 170 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[Pg 170]</a></span>Abe had expected a tirade, but nothing half as violent as this.</p> + +<p>"Mawruss," he said soothingly, "don't take it so particular."</p> + +<p>He might as well have tried to stem Niagara with a shovel.</p> + +<p>"Ain't the cloak and suit business good enough for you?" Morris went on. +"Must you go throwing away money on stocks from stock exchanges?"</p> + +<p>Abe scratched his head. These rhetorical questions hardly fitted the +situation, especially the one about throwing away money.</p> + +<p>"Look-y here, Mawruss," he said, "if you think you scare me by this +theayter acting you're mistaken. Just calm yourself, Mawruss, and tell +me what you heard it. I ain't heard nothing."</p> + +<p>For answer Morris handed him the evening paper.</p> + +<p>"Sensational Failure in Wall Street," was the red-letter legend on the +front page. With bulging eyes Abe took in the import of the leaded type +which disclosed the news that Gunst & Baumer, promoters of +Interstate Copper, having boosted its price to five, were overwhelmed by +a flood of profit-taking. To support their stock Gunst & Baumer were +obliged to buy in all the Interstate offered at five, and when at length +their resources gave out they announced their suspension. Interstate +immediately collapsed and sold down in less than a quarter of an hour +from five bid, five and a thirty-second asked, to a quarter bid, +three-eighths asked.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 171 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[Pg 171]</a></span>Abe handed back the paper to Morris and lit a cigar.</p> + +<p>"For a man what has just played his partner for a sucker, Abe," Morris +said, "you take it nice and quiet."</p> + +<p>Abe puffed slowly before replying.</p> + +<p>"After all, Mawruss," he said, "I was right."</p> + +<p>"You was right?" Morris exclaimed. "What d'ye mean?"</p> + +<p>"I mean, Mawruss," Abe went on, "I figured it out right. I says to +myself when I got that check for twenty-five hundred dollars: If I buy +this here stock from stock exchanges and we make money Mawruss will go +pretty near crazy. He'll want to buy it the whole stock exchange full +from stocks, and in the end it will bust us. On the other hand, Mawruss, +I figured it out that if we bought this here stock and lose money on it, +then Mawruss'll go crazy also, and want to murder me or something."</p> + +<p>He paused and puffed again at his cigar.</p> + +<p>"So, Mawruss," he concluded, "I went down to Gunst & Baumer's +building, Mawruss; but instead of going to Gunst & Baumer, Mawruss, +I went one flight lower down to Hill, Arkwright & Thompson's, +Mawruss, and I didn't buy it Interstate Copper, Mawruss, but I bought it +instead silk foulards, Mawruss—seventy-five hundred dollars' worth +for twenty-five hundred dollars, and it's laying right now up in the +cutting-room."</p> + +<p>He leaned back in his chair and triumphantly<!-- Page 172 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[Pg 172]</a></span> surveyed his +partner, who had collapsed into a crushed and perspiring heap.</p> + +<p>"So, Mawruss," he said, "I am a gambler. Hey? I shed your blood? What? I +ruin you with my fool advice? Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>Morris raised a protesting hand.</p> + +<p>"Abe," he murmured huskily, "I done you an injury. It's me what's the +fool. I was carried away by B. Sheitlis' making his money so easy."</p> + +<p>Abe jumped to his feet.</p> + +<p>"Ho-ly smokes!" he cried and dashed out of the show-room to the +telephone in the rear of the store. He returned a moment later with his +cigar at a rakish angle to his jutting lower lip.</p> + +<p>"It's all right, Mawruss," he said. "I rung up the Kosciusko Bank and +the two-hundred-and-seventy-five-dollar check went through all right."</p> + +<p>"Sure it did," Morris replied, his drooping spirits once more revived. +"I deposited it at eleven o'clock yesterday morning. I don't take no +chances on getting stuck, Abe, and I only hope you didn't get stuck on +them foulards, neither."</p> + +<p>Abe grinned broadly.</p> + +<p>"You needn't worry about that, Mawruss," he replied. "Stocks from stock +exchanges maybe I don't know it, Mawruss; but stocks from silk foulards +I do know it, Mawruss, and don't you forget it."</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <p><!-- Page 173 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[Pg 173]</a></span></p> <h2>CHAPTER IX</h2> <br /> <br /> <p>"Sol Klinger must think he ain't taking +chances enough in these here stocks, Mawruss," Abe Potash remarked a +week after the slump in Interstate Copper. "He got to hire a drummer by +the name Walsh yet. That feller's idee of entertaining a customer is to +go into Wasserbauer's and to drink all the schnapps in stock. I bet yer +when Walsh gets through, he don't know which is the customer and which +is the bartender already."</p> + +<p>"You got to treat a customer right, Abe," Morris commented, "because +nowadays we are up against some stiff competition. You take this here +new concern, Abe, the Small Drygoods Company of Walla Walla, Washington, +Abe, and Klinger & Klein ain't lost no time. Sol tells me this +morning that them Small people start in with a hundred thousand capital +all paid in. Sol says also their buyer James Burke which they send it +East comes from the same place in the old country as this here Frank +Walsh, and I guess we got to hustle if we want to get his trade, ain't +it?"</p> + +<p>"Because a customer is a <i>Landsmann</i> of <i>mine</i>, Mawruss," Abe replied, +"ain't no reason why I shall sell him goods, Mawruss. If I could sell +all my <i>Landsleute</i> what is in the cloak and suit business,<!-- Page 174 --><span class="pagenum"><a +name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[Pg 174]</a></span> Mawruss, we would be doing a +million-dollar business a month, ain't it?"</p> + +<p>At this juncture Morris drew on his imagination. "I hear it also, Abe," +he hinted darkly, "that this here James Bourke, what the Small Drygoods +Company sends East, is related by marriage to this here Walsh's wife."</p> + +<p>"Wives' relations is nix, Mawruss," Abe replied. "I got enough with +wives' relations. When me and my Rosie gets married her mother was old +man Smolinski's a widow. He made an honest failure of it in the customer +peddler business in eighteen eighty-five, and the lodge money was pretty +near gone when I got into the family. Then my wife's mother gives my +wife's brother, Scheuer Smolinski, ten dollars to go out and buy some +schnapps for the wedding, and that's the last we see of <i>him</i>, Mawruss. +But Rosie and me gets married, anyhow, and takes the old lady to live +with us, and the first thing you know, Mawruss, she gets sick on us and +dies, with a professor and two trained nurses at my expense, and that's +the way it goes, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>He rose to his feet and helped himself to a cigar from the L to N first +and second credit customers' box.</p> + +<p>"No, Mawruss," he concluded, "if you can't sell a man goods on their +merits, Mawruss, you'll never get him to take them because your wife is +related by marriage to his wife. Ain't it? We got a good line, Mawruss, +and we stand a show to sell our<!-- Page 175 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[Pg 175]</a></span> goods without no theayters nor +dinners nor nothing."</p> + +<p>Morris shrugged his shoulders. "All right, Abe," he said, "you can do +what you like about it, but I already bought it two tickets for Saturday +night."</p> + +<p>"Of course, if you <i>like</i> to go to shows, Mawruss," Abe declared as he +rose to his feet, "I can't stop you. Only one thing I got to say it, +Mawruss—if you think you should charge that up to the firm's +expense account, all I got to say is you're mistaken, that's all."</p> + +<p>Abe strode out of the show-room before a retort could formulate itself, +so Morris struggled into his overcoat instead and made for the store +door. As he reached it his eye fell on the clock over Wasserbauer's +Café on the other side of the street. The hands pointed to two +o'clock, and he broke into a run, for the Southwestern Flyer which bore +the person of James Burke was due at the Grand Central Station at +two-ten. Fifteen minutes later Morris darted out of the subway exit at +Forty-second Street and imminently avoided being run down by a hansom. +Indeed, the vehicle came to a halt so suddenly that the horse reared on +its haunches, while a flood of profanity from the driver testified to +the nearness of Morris' escape. Far from being grateful, however, Morris +paused on the curb and was about to retaliate in kind when one of the +two male occupants of the hansom leaned forward and poked a derisive +finger at him.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 176 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[Pg 176]</a></span>"What's the hurry, Morris?" said the passenger.</p> + +<p>Morris looked up and gasped, for in that fleeting moment he recognized +his tormentor. It was Frank Walsh, and although Morris saw only the +features of his competitor it needed no Sherlock Holmes to deduce that +Frank's fellow-passenger was none other than James Burke, buyer for the +Small Drygoods Company.</p> + +<p>Two hours later he returned to the store, for he had seized the +opportunity of visiting some of the firm's retail trade while uptown, +and when he came in he found Abe sorting a pile of misses' reefers.</p> + +<p>"Well, Mawruss," Abe cried, "you look worried."</p> + +<p>"I bet you I'm worried, Abe," he said. "You and your wife's relations +done it. Two thousand dollars thrown away in the street. I got to the +Grand Central Station just in time to get there too late, Abe. This here +Walsh was ahead of me already, and he took Burke away in a hansom. When +I come out of the subway they pretty near run over me, Abe."</p> + +<p>"A competitor will do anything, Mawruss," Abe said sympathetically. "But +don't you worry. There's just as big fish swimming in the sea as what +they sell by fish markets, Mawruss. Bigger even. We ain't going to fail +yet a while just because we lose the Small Drygoods Company for a +customer."</p> + +<p>"We ain't lost 'em yet, Abe," Morris rejoined, and without taking off +his coat he repaired to Wasserbauer's<!-- Page 177 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[Pg 177]</a></span> Restaurant and Café +for a belated lunch. As he entered he encountered Frank Walsh, who had +been congratulating himself at the bar.</p> + +<p>"Hello, Morris," he cried. "I cut you out, didn't I?"</p> + +<p>"You cut me out?" Morris replied stiffly. "I don't know what you mean."</p> + +<p>"Of course you don't," Walsh broke in heartily. "I suppose you was +hustling to the Grand Central Station just because you wanted to watch +the engines. Well, I won't crow over you, Morris. Better luck next +time!"</p> + +<p>His words fell on unheeding ears, for Morris was busily engaged in +looking around him. He sought features that might possibly belong to +James Burke, but Frank seemed to be the only representative of the +Emerald Isle present, and Morris proceeded to the restaurant in the +rear.</p> + +<p>"I suppose he turned him over to Klinger," he said to himself, while +from the vantage of his table he saw Frank Walsh buy cigars and pass out +into the street in company with another drummer <i>not</i> of Irish +extraction.</p> + +<p>He finished his lunch without appetite, and when he reëntered the +store Abe walked forward to greet him.</p> + +<p>"Well, Mawruss," he said, "I seen Sol Klinger coming down the street a +few minutes ago, so I kinder naturally just stood out on the sidewalk +till<!-- Page 178 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[Pg 178]</a></span> he comes past, Mawruss. I saw he ain't looking any too +pleased, so I asked him what's the trouble; and he says, nothing, only +that Frank Walsh, what they got it for a drummer, eats 'em up with +expenses. So I says, How so? And he says, this here Walsh has a customer +by the name of Burke come to town, and the first thing you know, he +spends it three dollars for a cab for Burke, and five dollars for lunch +for Burke, and also ten dollars for two tickets for a show for Burke, +before this here Burke is in town two hours already. Klinger looked +pretty sore about it, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"What show is he taking Burke to?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>"It ain't a show exactly," Abe replied hastily; "it's a prize-fight."</p> + +<p>"A fight!" Morris cried. "That's an idea, ain't it?—to take a +customer to a fight."</p> + +<p>"I know it, Mawruss," Abe rejoined, "but you got to remember that the +customer's name is also Burke. What for a show did you buy it tickets +for?"</p> + +<p>Morris blushed. "Travvy-ayter," he murmured.</p> + +<p>"Travvy-ayter!" Abe replied. "Why, that's an opera, ain't it?"</p> + +<p>Morris nodded. He had intended to combine business with pleasure by +taking Burke to hear Tetrazzini.</p> + +<p>"Well, you got your idees, too, Mawruss," Abe continued; "and I don't +know that they're much better as this here Walsh's idees."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 179 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[Pg 179]</a></span>"Ain't they, Abe?" Morris replied. "Well, maybe they ain't, Abe. +But just because I got a loafer for a customer ain't no reason why I +should be a loafer myself, Abe."</p> + +<p>"Must you take a customer to a show, Mawruss?" Abe rejoined. "Is there a +law compelling it, Mawruss?"</p> + +<p>Morris shrugged his shoulders.</p> + +<p>"Anyhow, Abe," he said, "I don't see that <i>you</i> got any kick coming, +because I'm going to give them tickets to you and Rosie, Abe, and youse +two can take in the show."</p> + +<p>"And where are you going, Mawruss?"</p> + +<p>"Me?" Morris replied. "I'm going to a prize-fighting, Abe. I don't give +up so easy as all that."</p> + +<p>On his way home that night Morris consulted an evening paper, and when +he turned to the sporting page he found the upper halves of seven +columns effaced by a huge illustration executed in the best style of +Jig, the Sporting Cartoonist. In the left-hand corner crouched Slogger +Atkins, the English lightweight, while opposite to him in the right-hand +corner stood Young Kilrain, poised in an attitude of defense. Underneath +was the legend, "The Contestants in Tomorrow Night's Battle." By +reference to Jig's column Morris ascertained that the scene of the fight +would be at the Polygon Club's new arena in the vicinity of Harlem +Bridge, and at half past eight Saturday night he alighted from a Third +Avenue L train at One Hundred and Twenty-ninth<!-- Page 180 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[Pg 180]</a></span> Street and +followed the crowd that poured over the bridge.</p> + +<p>It was nine o'clock before Morris gained admission to the huge frame +structure that housed the arena of the Polygon Club. Having just paid +five dollars as a condition precedent to membership in good standing, he +took his seat amid a dense fog of tobacco smoke and peered around him +for Frank Walsh and his customer. At length he discerned Walsh's +stalwart figure at the right hand of a veritable giant, whose square jaw +and tip-tilted nose would have proclaimed the customer, even though +Walsh had not assiduously plied him with cigars and engaged him +continually in animated conversation. They were seated well down toward +the ring, while Morris found a place directly opposite them and watched +their every movement. When they laughed Morris scowled, and once when +the big man slapped his thigh in uproarious appreciation of one of +Walsh's stories Morris fairly turned green with envy.</p> + +<p>Morris watched with a jaundiced eye the manner in which Frank Walsh +radiated good humor. Not only did Walsh hand out cigars to the big man, +but also he proffered them to the person who sat next to him on the +other side. This man Morris recognized as the drummer who had been in +Wasserbauer's with Frank on the previous day.</p> + +<p>"Letting him in on it, too," Morris said to himself. "What show do I +stand?"</p> + +<p>The first of the preliminary bouts began. The<!-- Page 181 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[Pg 181]</a></span> combatants were +announced as Pig Flanagan and Tom Evans, the Welsh coal-miner. It seemed +to Morris that he had seen Evans somewhere before, but as this was his +initiation into the realms of pugilism he concluded that it was merely a +chance resemblance and dismissed the matter from his mind.</p> + +<p>The opening bout more than realized Morris' conception of the sport's +brutality, for Pig Flanagan was what the <i>cognoscenti</i> call a good +bleeder, and during the first second of the fight he fulfilled his +reputation at the instance of a light tap from his opponent's left. +There are some people who cannot stand the sight of blood; Morris was +one of them, and the drummer on Frank Walsh's right was another. Both he +and Morris turned pale, but the big man on Walsh's left roared his +approbation.</p> + +<p>"Eat him up!" he bellowed, and at every fresh hemorrhage from +Mr. Flanagan he rocked and swayed in an ecstasy of enjoyment. For +three crimson rounds Pig Flanagan and Tom Evans continued their contest, +but even a good bleeder must run dry eventually, and in the first half +of the fourth round Pig took the count.</p> + +<p>By this time the arena was swimming in Morris' nauseated vision, while, +as for the drummer on Frank's right, he closed his eyes and wiped a +clammy perspiration from his forehead. The club meeting proceeded, +however, despite the stomachs of its weaker members, and the next bout +commenced with a rush. It was advertised in advance by Morris'<!-- Page +182 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[Pg 182]</a></span> neighboring seatholders as a scientific contest, but in +pugilism, as in surgery, science is often gory. In this instance a +scientific white man hit a colored savant squarely on the nose, with the +inevitable sanguinary result, and as though by a prearranged signal +Morris and the drummer on Walsh's right started for the door. In vain +did Walsh seize his neighbor by the coat-tail. The latter shook himself +loose, and he and Morris reached the sidewalk together.</p> + +<p>"T'phooie!" said the drummer. "That's an amusement for five dollars."</p> + +<p>Morris wiped his face and gasped like a landed fish. At length he +recovered his composure. "I seen you sitting next to Walsh," he said.</p> + +<p>The drummer nodded. "He didn't want me to go," he replied. "He said we +come together and we should go together, but I told him I would wait for +him till it was over. Him and that other fellow seem to enjoy it."</p> + +<p>"Some people has got funny idees of a good time," Morris commented.</p> + +<p>"<i>That's</i> an idee for a loafer," said the drummer. "For my part I like +it more refined."</p> + +<p>"I believe you," Morris replied. "Might you would come and take a cup of +coffee with me, maybe?"</p> + +<p>He indicated a bathbrick dairy restaurant on the opposite side of the +street.</p> + +<p>"Much obliged," the drummer replied, "but I got to go out of town +to-morrow, and coffee keeps me<!-- Page 183 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[Pg 183]</a></span> awake. I think I'll wait here for +about half an hour, and if Walsh and his friends don't come out by then +I guess I'll go home."</p> + +<p>Morris hesitated. A sense of duty demanded that he stay and see the +matter through, since his newly-made acquaintance with the <i>tertium +quid</i> of Walsh's little party might lead to an introduction to the big +man, and for the rest Morris trusted to his own salesmanship. But the +drummer settled the matter for him.</p> + +<p>"On second thought," he said, "I guess I won't wait. Why should I bother +with a couple like them? If you're going downtown on the L I'll go with +you."</p> + +<p>Together they walked to the Manhattan terminal of the Third Avenue road +and discussed the features of the disgusting spectacle they had just +witnessed. In going over its details they found sufficient conversation +to cover the journey to One Hundred and Sixteenth Street, where Morris +alighted. When he descended to the street it occurred to him for the +first time that he had omitted to learn both the name and line of +business of his new-found friend.</p> + +<p>In the meantime Frank Walsh and his companion watched the white +scientist and the colored savant conclude their exhibition and cheered +themselves hoarse over the <i>pièce de résistance</i> which +followed immediately. At length Slogger Atkins disposed of Young Kilrain +with a well-directed punch in the solar plexus, and Walsh and his +companion rose to go.</p> + +<p>"What become of yer friend?" the big man asked.</p> + +<p>"<!-- Page 184 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[Pg 184]</a></span>He had to go out, Jim," Frank replied. "He couldn't stand the +sight of the blood."</p> + +<p>"Is that so?" the big man commented. "It beats all, the queer ideas some +people has."</p> + +<p>"Well, Mawruss," Abe cried as he greeted his partner on Monday morning, +"how did it went?"</p> + +<p>"How did what went?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>"The prize-fighting."</p> + +<p>Morris shook his head. "Not for all the cloak and suit trade on the +Pacific slope," he said finally, "would I go to one of them things +again. First, a fat Eyetalian by the name Flanagan fights with a young +feller, Tom Evans, the Welsh coal-miner, and you never seen nothing like +it, Abe, outside a slaughter-house."</p> + +<p>"Flanagan don't seem much like an Eyetalian, Mawruss," Abe commented.</p> + +<p>"I know it," Morris replied; "but that wouldn't surprise you much if you +could seen the one what they call Tom Evans, the Welsh coal-miner."</p> + +<p>"Why not?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"Well, you remember Hyman Feinsilver, what worked by us as a shipping +clerk while Jake was sick?"</p> + +<p>"Sure I do," Abe replied. "Comes from very decent, respectable people in +the old country. His father was a rabbi."</p> + +<p>"Don't make no difference about his father, Abe," Morris went on. "That +Tom Evans, the Welsh coal-miner, is Hyman Feinsilver what worked by +us,<!-- Page 185 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[Pg 185]</a></span> and the way he treated that poor Eyetalian young feller was +a shame for the people. It makes me sick to think of it."</p> + +<p>"Don't think of it, then," Abe replied, "because it won't do you no +good, Mawruss. I seen Sol Klinger in the subway this morning, and he +says that last Saturday morning already James Burke was in their place +and picked out enough goods to stock the biggest suit department in the +country. Sol says Burke went to Philadelphia yesterday to meet Sidney +Small, the president of the concern, and they're coming over to Klinger +& Klein's this morning and close the deal."</p> + +<p>Morris sat down and lit a cigar. "Yes, Abe, that's the way it goes," he +said bitterly. "You sit here and tell me a long story about your wife's +relations, and the first thing you know, Abe, I miss the train and Frank +Walsh takes away my trade. What do I care about your wife's relations, +Abe?"</p> + +<p>"That's what I told you, Mawruss. Wife's relations don't do nobody no +good," Abe replied.</p> + +<p>"Jokes!" Morris exclaimed as he moved off to the rear of the store. +"Jokes he is making it, and two thousand dollars thrown into the +street."</p> + +<p>For the rest of the morning Morris sulked in the cutting-room upstairs, +while Abe busied himself in assorting his samples for a forthcoming New +England trip. At twelve o'clock a customer came in, and when he left at +half-past twelve Abe escorted him to the store door and lingered there a +few minutes to<!-- Page 186 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[Pg 186]</a></span> get a breath of fresh air. As he was about to +reënter the store he discerned the corpulent figure of Frank Walsh +making his way down the opposite sidewalk toward Wasserbauer's +Café. With him were two other men, one of them about as big as +Frank himself, the other a slight, dark person.</p> + +<p>Abe darted to the rear of the store. "Mawruss," he called, "come quick! +Here is this Walsh feller with Small and Burke."</p> + +<p>Morris took the first few stairs at a leap, and had his partner not +caught him he would have landed in a heap at the bottom of the flight. +They covered the distance from the stairway to the store door so rapidly +that when they reached the sidewalk Frank and his customers had not yet +arrived in front of Wasserbauer's.</p> + +<p>"The little feller," Morris hissed, "is the same one what was up to the +fighting. I guess he's a drummer."</p> + +<p>"Him?" Abe replied. "He ain't no drummer, Mawruss. He's Jacob Berkowitz, +what used to run the Up-to-Date Store in Seattle. I sold him goods when +me and Pincus Vesell was partners together, way before the Spanish War +already. Who's the other feller?"</p> + +<p>At that moment the subject of Abe's inquiry looked across the street and +for the first time noticed Abe and Morris standing on the sidewalk. He +stopped short and stared at Abe until his bulging eyes caught the sign +above the store. For one brief moment<!-- Page 187 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[Pg 187]</a></span> he hesitated and then he +leaped from the curb to the gutter and plunged across the roadway, with +Jacob Berkowitz and Frank Walsh in close pursuit. He seized Abe by both +hands and shook them up and down.</p> + +<p>"Abe Potash!" he cried. "So sure as you live."</p> + +<p>"That's right," Abe admitted; "that's my name."</p> + +<p>"You don't remember me, Abe?" he went on.</p> + +<p>"I remember Mr. Berkowitz here," Abe said, smiling at the smaller +man. "I used to sell him goods oncet when he ran the Up-to-Date Store in +Seattle. Ain't that so, Mr. Berkowitz?"</p> + +<p>The smaller man nodded in an embarrassed fashion, while Frank Walsh grew +red and white by turns and looked first at Abe and then at the others in +blank amazement.</p> + +<p>"But," Abe went on, "you got to excuse me, +Mister—Mister——"</p> + +<p>"Small," said the larger man, whereat Morris fairly staggered.</p> + +<p>"Mister Small," Abe continued. "You got to excuse me. I don't remember +your name. Won't you come inside?"</p> + +<p>"Hold on!" Frank Walsh cried. "These gentlemen are going to lunch with +<i>me</i>."</p> + +<p>Small turned and fixed Walsh with a glare. "I am going to do what I +please, Mr. Walsh," he said coldly. "If I want to go to lunch I go +to lunch; if I don't that's something else again."</p> + +<p>"Oh, I've got lots of time," Walsh explained. "I<!-- Page 188 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[Pg 188]</a></span> was just +reminding you, that's all. Wasserbauer's got a few good specialties on +his bill-of-fare that don't improve with waiting."</p> + +<p>"All right," Mr. Small said. "If that's the case go ahead and have +your lunch. I won't detain you none."</p> + +<p>He put his hand on Abe's shoulder, and the little procession passed into +the store with Abe and Mr. Small in the van, while Frank Walsh +constituted a solitary rear-guard. He sat disconsolately on a pile of +piece goods as the four others went into the show-room.</p> + +<p>"Sit down, Mr. Small," Abe said genially. "Mr. Berkowitz, take +that easy chair."</p> + +<p>Then Morris produced the "gilt-edged" cigars from the safe, and they all +lit up.</p> + +<p>"First thing, Mr. Small," Abe went on, "I should like to know where +I seen you before. Of course, I know you're running a big business in +Walla Walla, Washington, and certainly, too, I know your <i>face</i>."</p> + +<p>"Sure you know my face, Abe," Mr. Small replied. "But my <i>name</i> +ain't familiar. The last time you seen my face, Abe, was some twenty +years since."</p> + +<p>"Twenty years is a long time," Abe commented. "I seen lots of trade in +twenty years."</p> + +<p>"Trade you seen it, yes," Mr. Small said, "but I wasn't trade."</p> + +<p>He paused and looked straight at Abe. "Think, Abe," he said. "When did +you seen me last?"<!-- Page 189 --></p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[Pg 189]</a></span>Abe gazed at him earnestly and then shook his head. "I give it +up," he said.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," Mr. Small murmured, "the last time you seen me I went +out to buy ten dollars' worth of schnapps."</p> + +<p>"What!" Abe cried.</p> + +<p>"But that afternoon there was a sure-thing mare going to start over to +Guttenberg just as I happened to be passing Butch Thompson's old place, +and I no more than got the ten dollars down than she blew up in the +stretch. So I boarded a freight over to West Thirtieth Street and +fetched up in Walla Walla, Washington."</p> + +<p>"Look a-here!" Abe gasped. "You ain't Scheuer Smolinski, are you?"</p> + +<p>Mr. Small nodded.</p> + +<p>"That's me," he said. "I'm Scheuer Smolinski or Sidney Small, whichever +you like. When me and Jake Berkowitz started this here Small Drygoods +Company we decided that Smolinski and Berkowitz was too big a mouthful +for the Pacific Slope, so we slipped the 'inski' and the 'owitz.' +Scheuer Small and Jacob Burke didn't sound so well, neither. Ain't it? +So, since there ain't no harm in it, we just changed our front names, +too, and me and him is Sidney Small and James Burke."</p> + +<p>Abe sat back in his chair too stunned for words, while Morris pondered +bitterly on the events of Saturday night. Then the prize was well within +his grasp, for even at that late hour he could have persuaded<!-- Page +190 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[Pg 190]</a></span> Mr. Burke to reconsider his decision and to bring +Mr. Small over to see Potash & Perlmutter's line first. But now +it was too late, Morris reflected, for Mr. Small had visited +Klinger & Klein's establishment and had no doubt given the order.</p> + +<p>"Say, my friends," Frank Walsh cried, poking his head in the door, "far +from me to be buttin' in, but whenever you're ready for lunch just let +me know."</p> + +<p>Mr. Small jumped to his feet. "I'll let you know," he +said—"I'll let you know right now. Half an hour since already I +told Mr. Klinger I would make up my mind this afternoon about +giving him the order for them goods what Mr. Burke picked out. +Well, you go back and tell him I made up my mind already, sooner than I +expected. I ain't going to give him the order at all."</p> + +<p>Walsh's red face grew purple. At first he gurgled incoherently, but +finally recovered sufficiently to enunciate; and for ten minutes he +denounced Mr. Small and Mr. Burke, their conduct and +antecedents. It was a splendid exhibition of profane invective, and when +he concluded he was almost breathless.</p> + +<p>"Yah!" he jeered, "five-dollar tickets for a prize-fight for the likes +of youse!"</p> + +<p>He fixed Morris and Mr. Burke with a final glare.</p> + +<p>"Pearls before swine!" he bellowed, and banged the show-room door behind +him.</p> + +<p>Mr. Burke looked at Morris. "That's a lowlife for you," he said. "A +respectable concern should have<!-- Page 191 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[Pg 191]</a></span> a salesman like him! Ain't it a +shame and a disgrace?"</p> + +<p>Morris nodded.</p> + +<p>"He takes me to a place where nothing but loafers is," Mr. Burke +continued, "and for two hours I got to sit and hear him and his friend +there, that big feller—I guess you seen him, +Mr. Perlmutter—he told me he keeps a beer +saloon—another lowlife—for two hours I got to listen to them +loafers cussing together, and then he gets mad that I don't enjoy myself +yet."</p> + +<p>Mr. Small shrugged his shoulders.</p> + +<p>"Let's forget all about it," he said. "Come, Abe, I want to look over +your line, and you and me will do business right away."</p> + +<p>Abe and Morris spent the next two hours displaying their line, while +Mr. Small and Mr. Burke selected hundred lots of every style. +Finally, Abe and Mr. Small retired to the office to fill out the +order, leaving Morris to replace the samples. He worked with a will and +whistled a cheerful melody by way of accompaniment.</p> + +<p>"Mister Perlmutter," James Burke interrupted, "that tune what you are +whistling it, ain't that the drinking song from Travvy-ater already?"</p> + +<p>Morris ceased his whistling. "That's right," he replied.</p> + +<p>"I thought it was," Mr. Burke said. "I was going to see that opera +last Saturday night if that lowlife Walsh wouldn't have took me to the +prize-fight."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 192 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[Pg 192]</a></span>He paused and helped himself to a fresh cigar from the +"gilt-edged" box.</p> + +<p>"For anybody else but a loafer," he concluded, "prize-fighting is nix. +Opera, Mr. Perlmutter, that's an amusement for a gentleman."</p> + +<p>Morris nodded a vigorous acquiescence. He had nearly concluded his task +when Abe and his new-found brother-in-law returned.</p> + +<p>"Well, gentlemen," Mr. Small announced, "we figured it up and it +comes to twenty-five hundred dollars. That ain't bad for a starter."</p> + +<p>"You bet," Abe agreed fervently.</p> + +<p>Mr. Burke smiled. "You got a good line, Mr. Potash," he said. +"Ever so much better than Klinger & Klein's."</p> + +<p>"That's what they have," Mr. Small agreed. "But it don't make no +difference, anyhow. I'd give them the order if the line wasn't <i>near</i> so +good."</p> + +<p>He put his arm around Abe's shoulder. "It stands in the Talmud, an old +saying, but a true one," he said—"'Blood is redder than water.'"</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <h2>CHAPTER X</h2> <br /> <br /> <p>The Small Drygoods Company's order was the forerunner +of a busy season that taxed the energies of not only Abe and Morris but +of their entire business staff as well, and when the hot weather set in, +Morris could not help noticing the<!-- Page 193 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[Pg 193]</a></span> fagged-out appearance of +Miss Cohen the bookkeeper.</p> + +<p>"We should give that girl a vacation, Abe," he said. "She worked hard +and we ought to show her a little consideration."</p> + +<p>"I know, Mawruss," Abe replied; "but she ain't the only person what +works hard around here, Mawruss. I work hard, too, Mawruss, but I ain't +getting no vacation. That's a new <i>idee</i> what you got, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"Everybody gives it their bookkeeper a vacation, Abe," Morris protested.</p> + +<p>"Do they?" Abe rejoined. "Well, if bookkeepers gets vacations, Mawruss, +where are we going to stop? First thing you know, Mawruss, we'll be +giving cutters vacations, and operators vacations, and before we get +through we got our workroom half empty yet and paying for full time +already. If she wants a vacation for two weeks I ain't got no +objections, Mawruss, only we don't pay her no wages while she's gone."</p> + +<p>"You can't do that, Abe," Morris said. "That would be laying her off, +Abe; that wouldn't be no vacation."</p> + +<p>"But we got to have somebody here to keep our books while she's away, +Mawruss," Abe cried. "We got to make it a living, Mawruss. We can't shut +down just because Miss Cohen gets a vacation. And so it stands, +Mawruss, we got to pay Miss Cohen wages for doing <i>nothing</i>, +Mawruss, and also we got<!-- Page 194 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[Pg 194]</a></span> to pay it wages to somebody else for +doing something what Miss Cohen should be doing when she ain't, +ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"Sure, we got to get a substitute for her while she's away," Morris +agreed; "but I guess it won't break us."</p> + +<p>"All right, Mawruss," Abe replied; "if I got to hear it all summer about +this here vacation business I'm satisfied. I got enough to do in the +store without worrying about that, Mawruss. Only one thing I got to say +it, Mawruss: we got to have a bookkeeper to take her place while she's +away, and you got to attend to <i>that</i>, Mawruss. That's all I got to +say."</p> + +<p>Morris nodded and hastened to break the good news to Miss Cohen, +who for the remainder of the week divided her time between Potash & +Perlmutter's accounts and a dozen multicolored railroad folders.</p> + +<p>"Look at that, Mawruss," Abe said as he gazed through the glass paneling +of the show-room toward the bookkeeper's desk. "That girl ain't done it +a stroke of work since we told her she could go already. What are we +running here, anyway: a cloak and suit business or a cut-rate ticket +office?"</p> + +<p>"Don't you worry about <i>her</i>, Abe," Morris replied. "She's got her +cashbook and daybook posted and she also got it a substitute. He's +coming this afternoon."</p> + +<p>"<i>He's</i> coming?" Abe said. "So she got it a young <i>feller</i>, Mawruss?"</p> + +<p><!-- Page 195 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[Pg 195]</a></span>"Well, Abe," Morris replied, "what harm is there in that? He's a +decent, respectable young feller by the name Tuchman, what works as +bookkeeper by the Kosciusko Bank. They give him a two weeks' vacation +and he comes to work by us, Abe."</p> + +<p>"That's a fine way to spend a vacation, Mawruss," Abe commented. "Why +don't he go up to Tannersville or so?"</p> + +<p>"Because he's got to help his father out nights in his cigar store what +he keeps it on Avenue B," Morris answered. "His father is Max Tuchman's +brother. You know Max Tuchman, drummer for Lapidus & Elenbogen?"</p> + +<p>"Sure I know him—a loud-mouth feller, Mawruss; got a whole lot to +say for himself. A sport and a gambler, too," Abe said. "He'd sooner +play auction pinochle than eat, Mawruss. I bet you he turns in an +expense account like he was on a honeymoon every trip. The last time I +seen this here Max Tuchman was up in Duluth. He was riding in a buggy +with the lady buyer from Moe Gerschel's cloak department."</p> + +<p>"Well, I suppose he sold her a big bill of goods, too, Abe, ain't it?" +Morris rejoined. "He's an up-to-date feller, Abe. If anybody wants to +sell goods to lady buyers they got to be up-to-date, ain't it? And so +far what I hear it nobody told it me you made such a big success with +lady buyers, neither, Abe."</p> + +<p>Abe shrugged his shoulders.</p> + +<p>"That ain't here nor there, Mawruss," he grunted.<!-- Page 196 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[Pg 196]</a></span> "The thing is +this: if this young feller by the name of Tuchman does Miss Cohen's +work as good as Miss Cohen does it I'm satisfied."</p> + +<p>There was no need for apprehension on that score, however, for when the +substitute bookkeeper arrived he proved to be an accurate and +industrious young fellow, and despite Miss Cohen's absence the work +of Potash & Perlmutter's office proceeded with orderly dispatch.</p> + +<p>"That's a fine young feller, Mawruss," Abe commented as he and his +partner sat in the firm's show-room on the second day of +Miss Cohen's vacation.</p> + +<p>"Who's this you're talking about?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>"This here bookkeeper," Abe replied. "What's his first name, now, +Mawruss?"</p> + +<p>"Ralph," Morris said.</p> + +<p>"Ralph!" Abe cried. "That's a name I couldn't remember it in a million +years, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"Why not, Abe?" Morris replied. "Ralph ain't no harder than Moe or Jake, +Abe. For my part, I ain't got no trouble in remembering that name; and +anyhow, Abe, why should an up-to-date family like the Tuchmans give +their boys such back-number names like Jake or Moe?"</p> + +<p>"Jacob and Moses was decent, respectable people in the old country, +Mawruss," Abe corrected solemnly.</p> + +<p>"I know it, Abe," Morris rejoined; "but that was long since many years +ago already. <i>Now</i> is another time entirely in New York City; and +anyhow,<!-- Page 197 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[Pg 197]</a></span> with such names what we got it in our books, Abe, you +shouldn't have no trouble remembering Ralph."</p> + +<p>"Sure not," Abe agreed, dismissing the subject. "So, I'll call him Ike. +For two weeks he wouldn't mind it."</p> + +<p>Morris shrugged. "For my part, you can call him Andrew Carnegie," he +said; "only, let's not stand here talking about it all day, Abe. I see +by the paper this morning that Marcus Bramson, from Syracuse, is at the +Prince William Hotel, Abe, and you says you was going up to see him. +That's your style, Abe: an old-fashion feller like Marcus Bramson. If +you couldn't sell <i>him</i> a bill of goods, Abe, you couldn't sell +<i>nobody</i>. He ain't no lady buyer, Abe."</p> + +<p>Abe glared indignantly at his partner. "Well, Mawruss," he said, "if you +ain't satisfied with the way what I sell goods you know what you can do. +I'll do the inside work and you can go out on the road. It's a dawg's +life, Mawruss, any way you look at it; and maybe, Mawruss, you would +have a good time taking buggy rides with lady buyers. For my part, +Mawruss, I got something better to do with my time."</p> + +<p>He seized his hat, still glaring at Morris, who remained quite unmoved +by his partner's indignation.</p> + +<p>"I heard it what you tell me now several times before already, Abe," he +said; "and if you want it that Max Tuchman or Klinger & Klein or +some of them<!-- Page 198 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[Pg 198]</a></span> other fellers should cop out a good customer of +ours like Marcus Bramson, Abe, maybe you'll hang around here a little +longer."</p> + +<p>Abe retorted by banging the show-room door behind him, and as he +disappeared into the street Morris indulged in a broad, triumphant grin.</p> + +<p>When Abe returned an hour later he found Morris going over the monthly +statements with Ralph Tuchman. Morris looked up as Abe entered.</p> + +<p>"What's the matter, Abe?" he cried. "You look worried."</p> + +<p>"Worried!" Abe replied. "I ain't worried, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"Did you seen Marcus Bramson?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>"Sure I seen him," said Abe; "he's coming down here at half-past three +o'clock this afternoon. You needn't trouble yourself about <i>him</i>, +Mawruss."</p> + +<p>Abe hung up his hat, while Morris and Ralph Tuchman once more fell to +the work of comparing the statements.</p> + +<p>"Look a-here, Mawruss," Abe said at length: "who d'ye think I seen it up +at the Prince William Hotel?"</p> + +<p>"I ain't no mind reader, Abe," Morris replied. "Who <i>did</i> you seen it?"</p> + +<p>"Miss Atkinson, cloak buyer for the Emporium, Duluth," Abe replied. +"That's Moe Gerschel's store."</p> + +<p>Morris stopped comparing the statements, while Ralph Tuchman continued +his writing.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 199 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[Pg 199]</a></span>"She's just come in from the West, Mawruss," Abe went on. "She +ain't registered yet when I was going out, and she won't be in the +Arrival of Buyers till to-morrow morning."</p> + +<p>"Did you speak to her?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>"Sure I spoke to her," Abe said. "I says good-morning, and she +recognized me right away. I asked after Moe, and she says he's well; and +I says if she comes down here for fall goods; and she says she ain't +going to talk no business for a couple of days, as it's a long time +already since she was in New York and she wants to look around her. Then +I says it's a fine weather for driving just now."</p> + +<p>He paused for a moment and looked at Morris.</p> + +<p>"Yes," Morris said, "and what did she say?"</p> + +<p>"She says sure it is," Abe continued, "only, she says she got thrown out +of a wagon last fall, and so she's kind of sour on horses. She says +nowadays she don't go out except in oitermobiles."</p> + +<p>"Oitermobiles!" Morris exclaimed, and Ralph Tuchman, whose protruding +ears, sharp-pointed nose and gold spectacles did not belie his +inquisitive disposition, ceased writing to listen more closely to Abe's +story.</p> + +<p>"That's what she said, Mawruss," Abe replied; "and so I says for my +part, I liked it better oitermobiles as horses."</p> + +<p>"Why, Abe," Morris cried, "you ain't never rode in an oitermobile in all +your life."</p> + +<p>"Sure not, Mawruss, I'm lucky if I get to a funeral<!-- Page 200 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[Pg 200]</a></span> oncet in a +while. Ike," he broke off suddenly, "you better get them statements +mailed."</p> + +<p>Ralph Tuchman rose sadly and repaired to the office.</p> + +<p>"That's a smart young feller, Mawruss," Abe commented, "and while you +can't tell much about a feller from his face, Mawruss, I never seen them +long ears on anyone that minded his own business, y'understand? And +besides, I ain't taking no chances on his Uncle Max Tuchman getting +advance information about this here Moe Gerschel's buyer."</p> + +<p>Morris nodded. "Maybe you're right, Abe," he murmured.</p> + +<p>"You was telling me what this Miss Abrahamson said, Abe."</p> + +<p>"Miss Atkinson, Mawruss," Abe corrected, "<i>not</i> Abrahamson."</p> + +<p>"Well, what did she say?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>"So she asks me if I ever went it oitermobiling," Abe went on, "and I +says sure I did, and right away quick I seen it what she means; and I +says how about going this afternoon; and she says she's agreeable. So I +says, Mawruss, all right, I says, we'll mix business with pleasure, I +says. I told her we'll go in an oitermobile to the Bronix already, and +when we come back to the store at about, say, five o'clock we'll look +over the line. Then after that we'll go to dinner, and after dinner we +go to theayter. How's that, Mawruss?"</p> + +<p>"I heard it worse idees than that, Abe," Morris<!-- Page 201 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[Pg 201]</a></span> replied; +"because if you get this here Miss Aaronson down here in the store, +naturally, she thinks if she gives us the order she gets better +treatment at the dinner and at the theayter afterward."</p> + +<p>"That's the way I figured it out, Mawruss," Abe agreed; "and also, I +says to myself, Mawruss will enjoy it a good oitermobile ride."</p> + +<p>"<i>Me!</i>" Morris cried. "What have I got to do with this here oitermobile +ride, Abe?"</p> + +<p>"What have <i>you</i> got to do with it, Mawruss?" Abe repeated. "Why, +Mawruss, I'm surprised to hear you, you should talk that way. You got +everything to do with it. I'm a back number, Mawruss; I don't know +nothing about selling goods to lady buyers, ain't it? You say it +yourself, a feller has got to be up-to-date to sell goods to lady +buyers. So, naturally, you being the up-to-date member of this concern, +you got to take Miss Atkinson out in the oitermobile."</p> + +<p>"But, Abe," Morris protested, "I ain't never rode in an oitermobile, and +there wouldn't be no pleasure in it for me, Abe. Why don't <i>you</i> go, +Abe? You say it yourself you lead it a dawg's life on the road. Now, +here's a chance for you to enjoy yourself, Abe, and <i>you</i> should go. +Besides, Abe, you got commercial travelers' accident insurance, and I +ain't."</p> + +<p>"The oitermobile ain't coming till half-past one, Mawruss," Abe replied; +"between now and then you could get it a <i>hundred</i> policies of accident +insurance. No, Mawruss, this here lady-buyer business is up to<!-- Page +202 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[Pg 202]</a></span> you. I got a pointer from Sol Klinger to ring up a +concern on Forty-sixth Street, which I done so, and fifteen dollars it +costed me. That oitermobile is coming here for you at half-past one, and +after that all you got to do is to go up to the Prince William Hotel and +ask for Miss Atkinson."</p> + +<p>"But, Abe," Morris protested, "I don't even know this here +Miss Isaacson."</p> + +<p>"<i>Not</i> Isaacson," Abe repeated; "Atkinson. You'd better write that name +down, Mawruss, before you forget it."</p> + +<p>"Never mind, Abe," Morris rejoined. "I don't need to write down things +to remember 'em. I don't have to call a young feller out of his name +just because my memory is bad, Abe. The name I'll remember good enough +when it comes right down <i>to</i> it. Only, why should I go out +oitermobiling riding with this Miss Atkinson, Abe? I'm the inside +partner, ain't it? And you're the outside man. Do you know what I think, +Abe? I think you're scared to ride in an oitermobile."</p> + +<p>"Me scared!" Abe cried. "Why should I be scared, Mawruss? A little thing +like a broken leg or a broken arm, Mawruss, don't scare me. I ain't +going because it ain't my business to go. It's your idee, this +lady-buyer business, and if you don't want to go we'll charge the +fifteen dollars what I paid out to profit and loss and call the whole +thing off."</p> + +<p>He rose to his feet, thrust out his waist-line and<!-- Page 203 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[Pg 203]</a></span> made a +dignified exit by way of closing the discussion. A moment later, +however, he returned with less dignity than haste.</p> + +<p>"Mawruss," he hissed, "that young +feller—that—that—now, Ike—is telephoning."</p> + +<p>"Well," Morris replied, "one telephone message ain't going to put us +into bankruptcy, Abe."</p> + +<p>"Bankruptcy, nothing!" Abe exclaimed. "He's telephoning to his Uncle Max +Tuchman."</p> + +<p>Morris jumped to his feet, and on the tips of their toes they darted to +the rear of the store.</p> + +<p>"All right, Uncle Max," they heard Ralph Tuchman say. "I'll see you +to-night. Good-by."</p> + +<p>Abe and Morris exchanged significant glances, while Ralph slunk guiltily +away to Miss Cohen's desk.</p> + +<p>"Let's fire him on the spot," Abe said.</p> + +<p>Morris shook his head. "What good will <i>that</i> do, Abe?" Morris replied. +"We ain't certain that he told Max Tuchman nothing, Abe. For all you and +me know, Max may of rung <i>him</i> up about something quite different +already."</p> + +<p>"I believe it, Mawruss," Abe said ironically. "But, anyhow, I'm going to +ring up that oitermobile concern on Forty-sixth Street and tell 'em to +send it around here at twelve o'clock. Then you can go up there to the +hotel, and if that Miss Atkinson ain't had her lunch yet buy it for +her, Mawruss, for so sure as you stand there I bet yer that young +feller, Ike, has rung up this here Max Tuchman and told him all<!-- Page +204 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[Pg 204]</a></span> about us going up there to take her out in an +oitermobile. I bet yer Max will get the biggest oitermobile he can find +up there right away, and he's going to steal her away from us, sure, if +we don't hustle."</p> + +<p>"Dreams you got it, Abe," Morris said. "How should this here young +feller, Ralph Tuchman, know that Miss Aaronson was a customer of +his Uncle Max Tuchman, Abe?"</p> + +<p>Abe looked at Morris more in sorrow than in anger. "Mawruss," he said, +"do me the favor once and write that name down. A-T at, K-I-N kin, S-O-N +son, Atkinson—<i>not</i> Aaronson."</p> + +<p>"That's what I said—Atkinson—Abe," Morris protested; "and if +you're so scared we're going to lose her, Abe, go ahead and 'phone. We +got to sell goods to lady buyers <i>some time</i>, Abe, and we may as well +make the break <i>now</i>."</p> + +<p>Abe waited to hear no more, but hastened to the 'phone, and when he +returned a few minutes later he found that Morris had gone to the barber +shop across the street. Twenty minutes afterward a sixty-horsepower +machine arrived at the store door just as Morris came up the steps of +the barber shop underneath Wasserbauer's Café and Restaurant. He +almost bumped into Philip Plotkin, of Kleinberg & Plotkin, who was +licking the refractory wrapper of a Wheeling stogy, with one eye fixed +on the automobile in front of his competitors' store.</p> + +<p>"Hallo, Mawruss," Philip cried. "Pretty high-toned<!-- Page 205 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[Pg 205]</a></span> customers you +must got it when they come down to the store in oitermobiles, ain't it?"</p> + +<p>Morris flashed his gold fillings in a smile of triumphant superiority. +"That ain't no customer's oitermobile, Philip," he said. "That's for +<i>us</i> an oitermobile, what we take it out our customers riding in."</p> + +<p>"Why don't you take it out credit men from commission houses riding, +Mawruss?" Philip rejoined as Morris stepped from the curb to cross the +street. This was an allusion to the well-known circumstance that with +credit men a customer's automobile-riding inspires as much confidence as +his betting on the horse races, and when Morris climbed into the tonneau +he paid little attention to Abe's instructions, so busy was he glancing +around him for prying credit men. At length, with a final jar and jerk +the machine sprang forward, and for the rest of the journey Morris' mind +was emptied of every other apprehension save that engendered of passing +trucks or street cars. Finally, the machine drew up in front of the +Prince William and Morris scrambled out, trembling in every limb. He +made at once for the clerk's desk.</p> + +<p>"Please send this to Miss Isaacson," he said, handing out a firm +card.</p> + +<p>The clerk consulted an index and shook his head. "No Miss Isaacson +registered here," he said.</p> + +<p>"Oh, sure not," Morris cried, smiling apologetically. "I mean +Miss Aaronson."</p> + +<p>Once more the clerk pawed over his card index.<!-- Page 206 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[Pg 206]</a></span> "You've got the +wrong hotel," he declared. "I don't see any Miss Aaronson here, +either."</p> + +<p>Morris scratched his head. He mentally passed in review Jacobson, +Abrahamson, and every other Biblical proper name combined with the +suffix "son," but rejected them all.</p> + +<p>"The lady what I want to see it is buyer for a department store in +Duluth, what arrived here this morning," Morris explained.</p> + +<p>"Let me see," the clerk mused; "buyer, hey? What was she a buyer of?"</p> + +<p>"Cloaks and suits," Morris answered.</p> + +<p>"Suits, hey?" the clerk commented. "Let me see—buyer of suits. Was +that the lady that was expecting somebody with an automobile?"</p> + +<p>Morris nodded emphatically.</p> + +<p>"Well, that party called for her and they left here about ten minutes +ago," the clerk replied.</p> + +<p>"What!" Morris gasped.</p> + +<p>"Maybe it was five minutes ago," the clerk continued. "A gentleman with +a red tie and a fine diamond pin. His name was Tucker or Tuckerton +or——"</p> + +<p>"Tuchman," Morris cried.</p> + +<p>"That's right," said the clerk; "he was a——"</p> + +<p>But Morris turned on his heel and darted wildly toward the entrance.</p> + +<p>"Say!" he cried, hailing the carriage agent, "did you seen it a lady and +a gent in an oitermobile leave here five minutes ago?"</p> + +<p><!-- Page 207 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[Pg 207]</a></span>"Ladies and gents leave here in automobiles on an average of +every three minutes," said the carriage agent.</p> + +<p>"Sure, I know," Morris continued, "but the gent wore it a red tie with a +big diamond."</p> + +<p>"Red tie with a big diamond," the carriage agent repeated. "Oh, +yeh—I remember now. The lady wanted to know where they was going, +and the red necktie says up to the Heatherbloom Inn and something about +getting back to his store afterward."</p> + +<p>Morris nodded vigorously.</p> + +<p>"So I guess they went up to the Heatherbloom Inn," the carriage agent +said.</p> + +<p>Once more Morris darted away without waiting to thank his informant, and +again he climbed into the tonneau of the machine.</p> + +<p>"Do you know where the Heatherbloom Inn is?" he asked the chauffeur.</p> + +<p>"What you tryin' to do?" the chauffeur commented. "Kid me?"</p> + +<p>"I ain't trying to do <i>nothing</i>," Morris explained. "I ask it you a +simple question: Do you know where the Heatherbloom Inn is?"</p> + +<p>"Say! do you know where Baxter Street is?" the chauffeur asked, and then +without waiting for an answer he opened the throttle and they glided +around the corner into Fifth Avenue. It was barely half-past twelve and +the tide of fashionable traffic had not yet set in. Hence the motor car +made good progress, nor was it until Fiftieth Street was reached that +a<!-- Page 208 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[Pg 208]</a></span> block of traffic caused them to halt. An automobile had +collided with a delivery wagon, and a wordy contest was waging between +the driver of the wagon, the chauffeur, one of the occupants of the +automobile and a traffic-squad policeman.</p> + +<p>"You don't know your business," a loud voice proclaimed, addressing the +policeman. "If you did you wouldn't be sitting up there like a dummy +already. This here driver run into <i>us</i>. We didn't run into him."</p> + +<p>It was the male occupant of the automobile that spoke, and in vain did +his fair companion clutch at the tails of the linen duster that he wore; +he was in the full tide of eloquence and thoroughly enjoying himself.</p> + +<p>The mounted policeman maintained his composure—the calm of a +volcano before its eruption, the ominous lull that precedes the tornado.</p> + +<p>"And furthermore," continued the passenger, throwing out his chest, +whereon sparkled a large diamond enfolded in crimson silk—"and +furthermore, I'll see to it that them superiors of yours down below +hears of it."</p> + +<p>The mounted policeman jumped nimbly from his horse, and as Morris rose +in the tonneau of his automobile he saw Max Tuchman being jerked bodily +to the street, while his fair companion shrieked hysterically.</p> + +<p>Morris opened the door and sprang out. With unusual energy he wormed his +way through the crowd<!-- Page 209 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[Pg 209]</a></span> that surrounded the policeman and +approached the side of the automobile.</p> + +<p>"Lady, lady," he cried, "I don't remember your name, but I'm a friend of +Max Tuchman here, and I'll get you out of this here crowd in a minute."</p> + +<p>He opened the door opposite to the side out of which Tuchman had made +his enforced exit, and offered his hand to Max's trembling companion.</p> + +<p>The lady hesitated a brief moment. Any port in a storm, she argued to +herself, and a moment later she was seated beside Morris in the latter's +car, which was moving up the Avenue at a good twenty-mile gait. The +chauffeur took advantage of the traffic policeman's professional +engagement with Max Tuchman, and it was not until the next mounted +officer hove into view that he brought his car down to its lawful gait.</p> + +<p>"If you're a friend of Mr. Tuchman's," said the lady at length, +"why didn't you go with him to the police station and bail him out?"</p> + +<p>Morris grinned. "I guess you'll know when I tell it you that my name is +Mr. Perlmutter," he announced, "of Potash & Perlmutter."</p> + +<p>The lady turned around and glanced uneasily at Morris. "Is that so?" she +said. "Well, I'm pleased to meet you, Mr. Perlmutter."</p> + +<p>"So, naturally, I don't feel so bad as I might about it," Morris went +on.</p> + +<p>"Naturally?" the lady commented. She looked about her apprehensively. +"Perhaps we'd better<!-- Page 210 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[Pg 210]</a></span> go back to the Prince William. Don't you +think so?"</p> + +<p>"Why, you was going up to the Heatherbloom Inn with Max Tuchman, wasn't +you?" Morris said.</p> + +<p>"How did you find <i>that</i> out?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"A small-size bird told it me," Morris replied jocularly. "But, anyhow, +no jokes nor nothing, why shouldn't we go up and have lunch at the +Heatherbloom Inn? And then you can come down and look at our line, +anyhow."</p> + +<p>"Well," said the lady, "if you can show me those suits as well as +Mr. Tuchman could, I suppose it really won't make any difference."</p> + +<p>"I can show 'em to you <i>better</i> than Mr. Tuchman could," Morris +said; "and now so long as you are content to come downtown we won't talk +business no more till we get there."</p> + +<p>They had an excellent lunch at the Heatherbloom Inn, and many a hearty +laugh from the lady testified to her appreciation of Morris' naïve +conversation. The hour passed pleasantly for Morris, too, since the +lady's unaffected simplicity set him entirely at his ease. To be sure, +she was neither young nor handsome, but she had all the charm that +self-reliance and ability give to a woman.</p> + +<p>"A good, smart, business head she's got it," Morris said to himself, +"and I wish I could remember that name."</p> + +<p>Had he not feared that his companion might think it strange, he would +have asked her name outright.<!-- Page 211 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[Pg 211]</a></span> Once he called her +Miss Aaronson, but the look of amazement with which she favored him +effectually discouraged him from further experiment in that direction. +Thenceforth he called her "lady," a title which made her smile and +seemed to keep her in excellent humor.</p> + +<p>At length they concluded their meal—quite a modest repast and +comparatively reasonable in price—and as they rose to leave Morris +looked toward the door and gasped involuntarily. He could hardly believe +his senses, for there blocking the entrance stood a familiar bearded +figure. It was Marcus Bramson—the conservative, back-number Marcus +Bramson—and against him leaned a tall, stout person not quite as +young as her clothes and wearing a large picture hat. Obviously this was +not Mrs. Bramson, and the blush with which Marcus Bramson recognized +Morris only confirmed the latter's suspicions.</p> + +<p>Mr. Bramson murmured a few words to the youthfully-dressed person +at his side, and she glared venomously at Morris, who precipitately +followed his companion to the automobile. Five minutes afterward he was +chatting with the lady as they sped along Riverside Drive.</p> + +<p>"Duluth must be a fine town," he suggested.</p> + +<p>"It is indeed," the lady agreed. "I have some relatives living there."</p> + +<p>"That should make it pleasant for you, lady," Morris went on, and +thereafter the conversation touched on relatives, whereupon Morris +favored his<!-- Page 212 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[Pg 212]</a></span> companion with a few intimate details of his family +life that caused her to laugh until she was completely out of breath. To +be sure, Morris could see nothing remarkably humorous about it himself, +and when one or two anecdotes intended to be pathetic were received with +tears of mirth rather than sympathy he felt somewhat annoyed. +Nevertheless, he hid his chagrin, and it was not long before the +familiar sign of Wasserbauer's Café and Restaurant warned Morris +that they had reached their destination. He assisted his companion to +alight and ushered her into the show-room.</p> + +<p>"Just a minute, lady," he said, "and I'll bring Mr. Potash here."</p> + +<p>"But," the lady protested, "I thought Mr. Lapidus was the gentleman +who had charge of it."</p> + +<p>"<i>That's</i> all right," Morris said, "you just wait and I'll bring +Mr. Potash here."</p> + +<p>He took the stairs to the cutting-room three at a jump. "Abe," he cried, +"Miss Aaronson is downstairs."</p> + +<p>Abe's face, which wore a worried frown, grew darker still as he regarded +his partner malevolently. "What's the matter with you, Mawruss?" he +said. "Can't you remember a simple name like Atkinson?"</p> + +<p>"Atkinson!" Morris cried. "That's it—<i>Atkinson</i>. I've been trying +to remember it that name for four hours already. But, anyhow, she's +downstairs, Abe."</p> + +<p>Abe rose from his task and made at once for the<!-- Page 213 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[Pg 213]</a></span> stairs, with +Morris following at his heels. In four strides he had reached the +show-room, but no sooner had he crossed the threshold than he started +back violently, thereby knocking the breath out of Morris, who was +nearly precipitated to the floor.</p> + +<p>"Morris," he hissed, "who is that there lady?"</p> + +<p>"Why," Morris answered, "that's Miss Aaronson—I mean +Atkinson—ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"Atkinson!" Abe yelled. "That ain't Miss Atkinson."</p> + +<p>"Then who <i>is</i> she?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>"Who <i>is</i> she?" Abe repeated. "That's a fine question for you to ask +<i>me</i>. You take a lady for a fifteen-dollar oitermobile ride, and spend +it as much more for lunch in her, <i>and you don't even know her name</i>!"</p> + +<p>A cold perspiration broke out on Morris and he fairly staggered into the +show-room. "Lady," he croaked, "do me a favor and tell me what is your +name, please."</p> + +<p>The lady laughed. "Well, Mr. Perlmutter," she said, "I'm sure this +is most extraordinary. Of course, there is such a thing as combining +business and pleasure; but, as I told Mr. Tuchman when he insisted +on taking me up to the Heatherbloom Inn, the Board of Trustees control +the placing of the orders. I have only a perfunctory duty to perform +when I examine the finished clothing."</p> + +<p>"Board of Trustees!" Morris exclaimed.</p> + +<p>"Yes, the Board of Trustees of the Home for Female<!-- Page 214 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[Pg 214]</a></span> Orphans of +Veterans, at Oceanhurst, Long Island. I am the +superintendent—Miss Taylor—and I had an appointment at +Lapidus & Elenbogen's to inspect a thousand blue-serge suits. +Lapidus & Elenbogen were the successful bidders, you know. And there +was really no reason for Mr. Tuchman's hospitality, since I had +nothing whatever to do with their receiving the contract, nor could I +possibly influence the placing of any future orders."</p> + +<p>Morris nodded slowly. "So you ain't Miss Atkinson, then, lady?" he +said.</p> + +<p>The lady laughed again. "I'm very sorry if I'm the innocent recipient +under false pretenses of a lunch and an automobile ride," she said, +rising. "And you'll excuse me if I must hurry away to keep my +appointment at Lapidus & Elenbogen's? I have to catch a train back +to Oceanhurst at five o'clock, too."</p> + +<p>She held out her hand and Morris took it sheepishly.</p> + +<p>"I hope you'll forgive me," she said.</p> + +<p>"I can't blame <i>you</i>, lady," Morris replied as they went toward the +front door. "It ain't <i>your</i> fault, lady."</p> + +<p>He held the door open for her. "And as for that Max Tuchman," he said, +"I hope they send him up for life."</p> + +<p>Abe stood in the show-room doorway as Morris returned from the front of +the store and fixed his partner with a terrible glare. "Yes, Mawruss," +he said, "you're a fine piece of work, I must say."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 215 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[Pg 215]</a></span>Morris shrugged his shoulders and sat down. "That's what comes +of not minding your own business," he retorted. "I'm the inside, Abe, +and you're the outside, and it's your business to look after the +out-of-town trade. I told you I don't know nothing about this here +lady-buyer business. You ordered the oitermobile. I ain't got nothing to +do with it, and, anyhow, I don't want to hear no more about it."</p> + +<p>A pulse was beating in Abe's cheeks as he paced up and down before +replying.</p> + +<p>"<i>You</i> don't want to hear no more about it, Mawruss, I know," he said; +"but <i>I</i> want to hear about it. I got a <i>right</i> to hear about it, +Mawruss. I got a right to hear it how a man could make such a fool out +of himself. Tell me, Mawruss, what name did you ask it for when you went +to the clerk at the Prince William Hotel?"</p> + +<p>Morris jumped to his feet. "Lillian Russell!" he roared, and banged the +show-room door behind him.</p> + +<p>For the remainder of the day Morris and Abe avoided each other, and it +was not until the next morning that Morris ventured to address his +partner.</p> + +<p>"Did you get it any word from Marcus Bramson?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"I ain't seen nor heard nothing," Abe replied. "I can't understand it, +Mawruss; the man promised me, mind you, he would be here sure. Maybe you +seen him up to the hotel, Mawruss?"</p> + +<p>"I seen him," Morris replied, "but not at the hotel,<!-- Page 216 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[Pg 216]</a></span> Abe. I seen +him up at that Heatherbloom Inn, Abe—with a lady."</p> + +<p>"With a lady?" Abe cried. "Are you sure it was a lady, Mawruss? Maybe +she was a relation."</p> + +<p>"Relations you don't take it to expensive places like the Heatherbloom +Inn, Abe," Morris replied. "And, anyhow, this wasn't no relation, Abe; +this was a lady. Why should a man blush for a relation, ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"Did he blush?" Abe asked; but the question remained unanswered, for as +Morris was about to reply the store door opened and Marcus Bramson +entered.</p> + +<p>"Ah, Mr. Bramson," Abe cried, "ain't it a beautiful weather?"</p> + +<p>He seized the newcomer by the hand and shook it up and down. +Mr. Bramson received the greeting solemnly.</p> + +<p>"Abe," he said, "I am a man of my word, ain't it? And so I come here to +buy goods; but, all the same, I tell you the truth: I was pretty near +going to Lapidus & Elenbogen's."</p> + +<p>"Lapidus & Elenbogen's!" Abe cried. "Why so?"</p> + +<p>At this juncture Morris appeared at the show-room door and beamed at +Mr. Bramson, who looked straight over his head in cold +indifference; whereupon Morris found some business to attend to in the +rear of the store.</p> + +<p>"That's what I said," Mr. Bramson replied, "Lapidus & +Elenbogen's; and you would of deserved it."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 217 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[Pg 217]</a></span>"Mr. Bramson," Abe protested, "did I ever done you +something that you should talk that way?"</p> + +<p>"<i>Me</i> you never done nothing to, Abe," said Mr. Bramson, "but to +treat a lady what <i>is</i> a lady, Abe, like a dawg, Abe, I must say it I'm +surprised.</p> + +<p>"<i>I</i> never treated no lady like a dawg, Mr. Bramson," Abe replied. +"You must be mistaken."</p> + +<p>"Well, maybe it wasn't you, Abe," Mr. Bramson went on; "but if it +wasn't you it was your partner there, that Mawruss Perlmutter. Yesterday +I seen him up to the Heatherbloom Inn, Abe, and I assure you, Abe, I was +never before in my life in such a high-price place—coffee and +cake, Abe, believe me, one dollar and a quarter."</p> + +<p>He paused to let the information sink in. "But what could I do?" he +asked. "I was walking through the side entrance of the Prince William +Hotel yesterday, Abe, just on my way down to see you, when I seen it a +lady sitting on a bench, looking like she would like to cry only for +shame for the people. Well, Abe, I looked again, Abe, and would you +believe it, Abe, it was Miss Atkinson, what used to work for me as +saleswoman and got a job by The Golden Rule Store, Elmira, as assistant +buyer, and is now buyer by Moe Gerschel, The Emporium, Duluth."</p> + +<p>Abe nodded; he knew what was coming.</p> + +<p>"So, naturally, I asks her what it is the matter with her, and she says +Potash & Perlmutter had an appointment to take her out in an +oitermobile at two o'clock, and here it was three o'clock already +and<!-- Page 218 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[Pg 218]</a></span> they ain't showed up yet. Potash & Perlmutter is friends +of mine, Miss Atkinson, I says, and I'm sure something must have +happened, or otherwise they would not of failed to be here. So I says +for her to ring you up, Abe, and find out. But she says she would see +you first in—she wouldn't ring you up for all the oitermobiles in +New York. So I says, well, I says, if you don't want to ring 'em up +<i>I'll</i> ring 'em up; and she says I should mind my own business. So then +I says, if <i>you</i> wouldn't ring 'em up and <i>I</i> wouldn't ring 'em up I'll +do <i>this</i> for you, Miss Atkinson: You and me will go for an +oitermobile ride, I says, and we'll have just so good a time as if +Potash & Perlmutter was paying for it. And so we did, Abe. I took +Miss Atkinson up to the Heatherbloom Inn, and it costed me thirty +dollars, Abe, including a cigar, which I wouldn't charge you nothing +for."</p> + +<p>"Charge <i>me</i> nothing!" Abe cried. "Of course you wouldn't charge me +nothing. You wouldn't charge me nothing, Mr. Bramson, because I +wouldn't <i>pay</i> you nothing. I didn't ask you to take Miss Atkinson +out in an oitermobile."</p> + +<p>"I know you didn't, Abe," Mr. Bramson replied firmly, "but either +you will pay for it or I will go over to Lapidus & Elenbogen's and +<i>they</i> will pay for it. They'll be only too glad to pay for it, Abe, +because I bet yer Miss Atkinson she give 'em a pretty big order +already, Abe."</p> + +<p>Abe frowned and then shrugged. "All right," he<!-- Page 219 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[Pg 219]</a></span> said; "if I must +I must. So come on now, Mr. Bramson, and look over the line."</p> + +<p>In the meantime Morris had repaired to the bookkeeper's desk and was +looking over the daybook with an unseeing eye. His mind was occupied +with bitter reflections when Ralph Tuchman interrupted him.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Perlmutter," he said, "I'm going to leave."</p> + +<p>"Going to leave?" Morris cried. "What for?"</p> + +<p>"Well, in the first place, I don't like it to be called out of my name," +he continued. "Mr. Potash calls me Ike, and my name is Ralph. If a +man's name is Ralph, Mr. Perlmutter, he naturally don't like it to +be called Ike."</p> + +<p>"I know it," Morris agreed, "but some people ain't got a good memory for +names, Ralph. Even myself I forget it names, too, oncet in a while, +occasionally."</p> + +<p>"But that ain't all, Mr. Perlmutter," Ralph went on. "Yesterday, +while you was out, Mr. Potash accuses me something terrible."</p> + +<p>"Accuse you?" Morris said. "What does he accuse you for?"</p> + +<p>"He accuse me that I ring up my Uncle Max Tuchman and tell him about a +Miss Atkinson at the Prince William Hotel," Ralph continued. "I +didn't do it, Mr. Perlmutter; believe me. Uncle Max rung me up, and +I was going to tell you and Mr. Potash what he rung me up for if +you didn't looked at me like I was a pickpocket when I was coming away +from the 'phone yesterday."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 220 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[Pg 220]</a></span>"I didn't look at you like a pickpocket, Ralph," Morris said. +"What did your Uncle Max ring you up for?"</p> + +<p>"Why, he wanted me to tell you that so long as you was so kind and gives +me this here vacation job I should do you a good turn, too. He says that +Miss Atkinson tells him yesterday she was going out oitermobile +riding with you, and so he says I should tell you not to go to any +expense by Miss Atkinson, on account that she already bought her +fall line from Uncle Max when he was in Duluth three weeks ago already; +and that she is now in New York strictly on her vacation only, and <i>not</i> +to buy goods."</p> + +<p>Morris nodded slowly.</p> + +<p>"Well, Ralph," he said, "you're a good, smart boy, and I want you to +stay until Miss Cohen comes back and maybe we'll raise you a couple +of dollars a week till then."</p> + +<p>He bit the end off a Heatherbloom Inn cigar. "When a man gets played it +good for a sucker like we was," he mused, "a couple of dollars more or +less won't harm him none."</p> + +<p>"That's what my Uncle Max says when he seen you up at the Heatherbloom +Inn yesterday," Ralph commented.</p> + +<p>"<i>He</i> seen me up at the Heatherbloom Inn!" Morris cried. "How should he +seen me up at the Heatherbloom Inn? I thought he was made it arrested."</p> + +<p>"Sure he was made it arrested," Ralph said.<!-- Page 221 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[Pg 221]</a></span> "But he fixed it up +all right at the station-house, and the sergeant lets him out. So he +goes up to the Heatherbloom Inn because when he went right back to the +hotel to see after that Miss Taylor the carriage agent tells him a +feller chases him up in an oitermobile to the Heatherbloom Inn. But when +Uncle Max gets up there you look like you was having such a good time +already he hates to interrupt you, so he goes back to the store again."</p> + +<p>Morris puffed violently at his cigar.</p> + +<p>"That's a fine piece of work," he said, "that Max Tuchman is."</p> + +<p>Ralph nodded.</p> + +<p>"Sure he is," he replied. "Uncle Max is an up-to-date feller."</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <h2>CHAPTER XI</h2> <br /> <br /> <p>"The trouble is with us, Mawruss," Abe Potash declared +one afternoon in September, "that we ain't in an up-to-date +neighborhood. We should get it a loft in one of them buildings up in +Seventeenth, Eighteenth or Nineteenth Street, Mawruss. All the trade is +up in that neighborhood."</p> + +<p>"I ain't got such a good head for figures like you got it, Abe," Morris +Perlmutter replied, "and so I am content we should stay where we are. We +done it always a fair business here, Abe. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"Sure, I know," Abe went on, "but the way it is<!-- Page 222 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[Pg 222]</a></span> with out-of-town +buyers, Mawruss, they goes where the crowd is, and they ain't going to +be bothered to come way downtown for us, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"Well, how about Klinger & Klein, Lapidus & Elenbogen, and all +them people, Abe?" Morris asked. "Ain't them out-of-town buyers going to +buy goods off of them neither?"</p> + +<p>"Klinger & Klein already hire it a fine loft on Nineteenth Street," +Abe interposed.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," Morris rejoined, "Klinger & Klein, like a whole lot of +people what I know, acts like monkeys, Abe. They see somebody doing +something and they got to do it too."</p> + +<p>"If we could do the business what Klinger & Klein done it, Mawruss, +I am willing I should act like a monkey."</p> + +<p>"Another thing, Abe," Morris went on, "Klinger & Klein sends their +work out by contractors. We got it operators and machines, Abe, and you +can't have a show-room, cutting-room and machines all in one loft. Ain't +it?"</p> + +<p>"Well, then we get it two lofts, Mawruss, and then we could put our +workrooms upstairs and our show-room and offices downstairs."</p> + +<p>"And double our expenses, too, Abe," Morris added. "No, Abe, I don't +want to work for no landlord all my life."</p> + +<p>"But I seen Marks Henochstein yesterday, Mawruss, and he told it me +Klinger & Klein ain't paying half the rent what they pay down here. +So, if we<!-- Page 223 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[Pg 223]</a></span> could get it two floors we wouldn't increase our +expenses, Mawruss, and could do it maybe twicet the business."</p> + +<p>"Marks Henochstein is a real-estater, Abe," Morris replied, "and when a +real-estater tells you something, you got to make allowances fifty per +cent. for facts."</p> + +<p>"I know," Abe cried; "but we don't have to hire no loft what we don't +want to, Mawruss. Henochstein can't compel you to pay twicet as much +what we're paying now. Ain't it? So what is the harm if we should maybe +ask him to find a couple of lofts for us? Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"All right, Abe," Morris concluded, "if I must go crazy listening to you +talking about it I sooner move first. So go ahead and do what you like."</p> + +<p>"Well, the fact is," said Abe, "I told Marks Henochstein he should find +it a couple lofts for us this morning, Mawruss, agreeing strictly that +we should not pay him nothing, as he gets a commission from the landlord +already."</p> + +<p>Morris received this admission with a scowl.</p> + +<p>"For a feller what's got such a nerve like you got it, Abe," he +declared, "I am surprised you should make it such a poor salesman."</p> + +<p>"When a man's got it a back-number partner, Mawruss, his hands is full +inside and outside the store, and so naturally he loses it a few +customers oncet in a while," Abe replied. "But, somebody's got to have +nerve in a business, Mawruss, and if I<!-- Page 224 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[Pg 224]</a></span> waited for you to make +suggestions we would never get nowhere."</p> + +<p>Morris searched his mind for an appropriate rejoinder, and had just +formulated a particularly bitter jibe when the store door opened to +admit two shabbily-dressed females.</p> + +<p>"Here, you," Abe called, "operators goes around the alley."</p> + +<p>The elder of the two females drew herself up haughtily.</p> + +<p>"Operators!" she said with a scornful rising inflection.</p> + +<p>"Finishers, also," Abe continued. "This here door is for customers."</p> + +<p>"You don't know me, Potash," she retorted. "Might you don't know this +lady neither, maybe?"</p> + +<p>She indicated her companion, who turned a mournful gaze upon the +astonished Abe.</p> + +<p>"But we know you, Potash," she went on. "We know you already when you +didn't have it so much money what you got now."</p> + +<p>Her companion nodded sadly.</p> + +<p>"So, Potash," she concluded, "your own wife's people is operators and +finishers; what?"</p> + +<p>Abe looked at Morris, who stood grinning broadly in the show-room +doorway.</p> + +<p>"Give me an introduction once, Abe," Morris said.</p> + +<p>"He don't have to give us no introduction," the elder female exclaimed. +"Me, I am Mrs. Sarah<!-- Page 225 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[Pg 225]</a></span> Mashkowitz, and this here lady is my +sister, Mrs. Blooma Sheikman, <i>geborn</i> Smolinski."</p> + +<p>"That ain't my fault that you got them names," Abe said. "I see it now +that you're my wife's father's brother's daughter, ain't it? So if +you're going to make a touch, make it. I got business to attend to."</p> + +<p>"We ain't going to make no touch, Potash," Mrs. Mashkowitz declared. "We +would rather die first."</p> + +<p>"All right," Abe replied heartlessly. "Die if you got to. You can't make +me mad."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Mashkowitz ignored Abe's repartee.</p> + +<p>"We don't ask nothing for ourselves, Potash," she said, "but we got it a +sister, your wife's own cousin, Miriam Smolinski. She wants to get +married."</p> + +<p>"I'm agreeable," Abe murmured, "and I'm sure my Rosie ain't got no +objections neither."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Sheikman favored him with a look of contempt.</p> + +<p>"What chance has a poor girl got it to get married?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"When she ain't got a dollar in the world," Mrs. Mashkowitz added. "And +her own relatives from her own blood is millionaires already."</p> + +<p>"If you mean me," Abe replied, "I ain't no millionaire, I can assure +you. Far from it."</p> + +<p>"Plenty of money you got it, Potash," Mrs. Mashkowitz said. "Five +hundred dollars to you is to me like ten cents."</p> + +<p>"He don't think no more of five hundred dollars<!-- Page 226 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[Pg 226]</a></span> than you do of +your life, lady," Morris broke in with a raucous laugh.</p> + +<p>"Do me the favor, Mawruss," Abe cried, "and tend to your own business."</p> + +<p>"Sure," Morris replied, as he turned to go. "I thought I was helping you +out, Abe, that's all."</p> + +<p>He repaired to the rear of the store, while Abe piloted his two visitors +into the show-room.</p> + +<p>"Now what is it you want from me?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Not a penny she got it," Mrs. Mashkowitz declared, breaking into tears. +"And she got a fine young feller what is willing to marry her and wants +it only five hundred dollars."</p> + +<p>"Only five hundred dollars," Mrs. Sheikman moaned. "Only five hundred +dollars. <i>Ai vai!</i>"</p> + +<p>"Five hundred dollars!" Abe exclaimed. "If you think you should cry till +you get five hundred dollars out of me, you got a long wet spell ahead +of you. That's all I got to say."</p> + +<p>"Might he would take two hundred and fifty dollars, maybe," Mrs. +Sheikman suggested hopefully through her tears.</p> + +<p>"Don't let him do no favors on my account," Abe said; "because, if it +was two hundred and fifty buttons it wouldn't make no difference to me."</p> + +<p>"A fine young feller," Mrs. Mashkowitz sobbed. "He got six machines and +two hundred dollars saved up and wants to go into the cloak and suit +contracting business."</p> + +<p>"Only a hundred dollars if the poor girl had it,"<!-- Page 227 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[Pg 227]</a></span> Mrs. Sheikman +burst forth again; "maybe he would be satisfied."</p> + +<p>"S'enough!" Abe roared. "I heard enough already."</p> + +<p>He banged a sample table with his fist and Mrs. Sheikman jumped in her +seat.</p> + +<p>"That's a heart what you got it," she said bitterly, "like Haman."</p> + +<p>"Haman was a pretty good feller already compared to me," Abe declared; +"and also I got business to attend to."</p> + +<p>"Come, Sarah," Mrs. Sheikman cried. "What's the use talking to a +bloodsucker like him!"</p> + +<p>"Wait!" Mrs. Mashkowitz pleaded; "I want to ask him one thing more. If +Miriam got it this young feller for a husband, might you would give him +some of your work, maybe?"</p> + +<p>"Bloodsuckers don't give no work to nobody," Abe replied firmly. "And +also will you get out of my store, or will you be put out?"</p> + +<p>He turned on his heel without waiting for an answer and joined Morris in +the rear of the store.</p> + +<p>Ten minutes later he was approached by Jake, the shipping-clerk.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Potash," Jake said, "them two ladies in the show-room wants to +know if you would maybe give that party they was talking about a +recommendation to the President of the Kosciusko Bank?"</p> + +<p>"Tell 'em," Abe said, "I'll give 'em a recommendation to a policeman if +they don't get right out<!-- Page 228 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[Pg 228]</a></span> of here. The only way what a feller +should deal with a nervy proposition like that, Mawruss, is to squash it +in the bud."</p> + +<p>In matters pertaining to real estate Marks Henochstein held himself to +be a virtuoso.</p> + +<p>"If anyone can put it through, I can," was his motto, and he tackled the +job of procuring an uptown loft for Potash & Perlmutter with the +utmost confidence.</p> + +<p>"In the first place," he said when he called the next day, "you boys has +got too much room."</p> + +<p>"Boys!" Morris exclaimed. "Since when did we go to school together, +Henochstein?"</p> + +<p>"Anyhow, you got too much room, ain't yer?" Henochstein continued, his +confidence somewhat diminished by the rebuff. "You could get your +workrooms and show-rooms all on one floor, and besides——"</p> + +<p>Morris raised his hand like a traffic policeman halting an obstreperous +truckman.</p> + +<p>"S'enough, Henochstein," he said. "S'enough about that. We ain't giving +you no pointers in the real-estate business, and we don't want no +suggestions about the cloak and suit business neither. We asked it you +to get us two lofts on Seventeenth, Eighteenth or Nineteenth Street, the +same size as here and for the same what we pay it here rent. If you +can't do it let us know, that's all, and we get somebody else to do it. +Y'understand?"</p> + +<p>"Oh,<!-- Page 229 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">[Pg 229]</a></span>I can do it all right."</p> + +<p>"Sure he can do it," Abe said encouragingly.</p> + +<p>"And I'll bring you a list as big as the telephone directory to-morrow," +Henochstein added as he went out. "But all the same, boys—I mean +Mr. Perlmutter—I don't think you need it all that space."</p> + +<p>"That's a fresh real-estater for you, Abe," Morris said after +Henochstein left. "Wants to tell it us our business and calls us boys +yet, like we was friends from the old country already."</p> + +<p>"Oh, I don't know, Mawruss," Abe replied. "He means it good, I guess; +and anyway, Mawruss, we give so much of our work out by contractors, we +might as well give the whole thing out and be done with it. We might as +well have one loft with the cutting-room in the back and a rack for +piece goods. Then the whole front we could fit it up as an office and +show-room yet, and we would have no noise of the machines and no more +trouble with garment-makers' unions nor nothing. I think it's a good +idee sending out all the work."</p> + +<p>"Them contractors makes enough already on what we give them, Abe," +Morris replied. "I bet yer Satinstein buys real estate on what he makes +from us, Abe, and Ginsburg & Kaplan also."</p> + +<p>"Well, the fact is, Mawruss," Abe went on, "I ain't at all satisfied +with the way what Satinstein treats us, Mawruss, nor Ginsburg & +Kaplan neither. I got an idee, Mawruss: we should give all our work to a +decent, respectable young feller what is going to<!-- Page 230 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">[Pg 230]</a></span> marry a cousin +of my wife, by the name Miriam Smolinski." Morris looked long and hard +at Abe before replying.</p> + +<p>"So, Abe," he said, "you squashed it in the bud!"</p> + +<p>"Well, them two women goes right up and sees my Rosie yesterday, +Mawruss," Abe admitted; "and so my Rosie thinks it wouldn't do us no +harm that we should maybe give the young feller a show."</p> + +<p>"Is your wife Rosie running this business, Abe, or are we?" Morris +asked.</p> + +<p>"It ain't a question what Rosie thinks, Mawruss," Abe explained; "it's +what I think, too. I think we should give the young feller a show. He's +a decent, respectable young feller, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"How do I know that, Abe?" Morris replied. "I ain't never seen him, Abe; +I don't even know his name."</p> + +<p>"What difference does that make it, Mawruss?" said Abe. "I ain't never +seen him neither, Mawruss, and I don't know his name, too; but he could +make up our line just as good, whether his name was Thomassheffsky or +Murphy. Also, what good would it do us if we did see him first? I'm +sure, Mawruss, we ain't giving out our work to Satinstein because he's a +good-looking feller, and Ginsburg & Kaplan ain't no John Drews +neither, so far what I hear it, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"That ain't the idee, Abe," Morris broke in; "the idee is that we got to +give up doing our work in our<!-- Page 231 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">[Pg 231]</a></span> own shop and send it out by a +contractor just starting in as a new beginner already—a young +feller what you don't know and I don't know, Abe—and all this we +got to do just because you want it, Abe. Me, I am nothing here, Abe, and +you are everything. You are the dawg and I am the tail. You are the +oitermobile and I am the smell, and that's the way it goes."</p> + +<p>"Who says that, Mawruss?" Abe interposed. "I didn't say it."</p> + +<p>"You didn't say it, Abe," Morris went on, "but you think it just the +same, and I'm going to show you differencely. I am content that we move, +Abe, only we ain't going to move unless we can find it two lofts for the +same rent what we pay it here. And we ain't going to have less room than +we got it here neither, Abe, because if we move we're going to do our +own business just the same like we do it here, and that's flat."</p> + +<p>For the remainder of the day Abe avoided any reference to their +impending removal, and it was not until Henochstein entered the +show-room the following morning that the discussion was renewed.</p> + +<p>"Well, boys," he said in greeting, "I got it a fine loft for you on +Nineteenth Street with twicet as much floor space what you got here."</p> + +<p>"A loft!" Morris cried.</p> + +<p>"A loft," Henochstein repeated.</p> + +<p>"One loft?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>"That's what I said," Henochstein replied,<!-- Page 232 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">[Pg 232]</a></span> "one loft with twicet +as much floor space, and it's got light on all——"</p> + +<p>Morris waved his hand for silence.</p> + +<p>"Abe," he said, "this here Henochstein is a friend of yours; ain't it?"</p> + +<p>Abe nodded sulkily.</p> + +<p>"Well, take him out of here," Morris advised, "before I kick him out."</p> + +<p>He banged the show-room door behind him and repaired to Wasserbauer's +Café and Restaurant across the street to await Henochstein's +departure.</p> + +<p>"Mawruss is right," Abe declared. "You was told distinctively we wanted +it two lofts, not one, and here you come back with a one-loft +proposition."</p> + +<p>Henochstein rose to leave.</p> + +<p>"If you think it you could get two up-to-date lofts on Seventeenth, +Eighteenth or Nineteenth Street, Abe, for what you pay it here in this +dinky place," he said, "you got another think coming."</p> + +<p>He opened the show-room door.</p> + +<p>"And also, Abe," he concluded, "if I got it a partner what made it a +slave of me, like Perlmutter does you, I'd go it alone, that's all I got +to say."</p> + +<p>After Henochstein left, Abe was a prey to bitter reflections, which were +only interrupted by his partner's return to the show-room a quarter of +an hour later.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," Morris cried, "you got your turn at this here moving +business; let me try a hand at it once."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 233 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">[Pg 233]</a></span>"Go ahead, Mawruss," Abe said wearily. "You always get your own +way, anyhow. You say I am the dawg, Mawruss, and you are the tail, but I +guess you got it the wrong way round. I guess the tail is on the other +foot."</p> + +<p>Morris shrugged.</p> + +<p>"That's something what is past already, Abe," he replied. "I was just +talking to Wasserbauer, and he says he got it a friend what is a sort of +a real-estater, a smart young feller by the name Sam Slotkin. He says if +Slotkin couldn't find it us a couple of lofts, nobody couldn't."</p> + +<p>"I'm satisfied, Mawruss," Abe said. "If Slotkin can get us lofts we +move, otherwise we stay here. So far we made it always a living here, +Mawruss, and I guess we ain't going to lose all our customers even if we +don't move; and that's all there is to it."</p> + +<p>Mr. Sam Slotkin was doubtless his own ideal of a well-dressed man. +All the contestants in a chess tournament could have played on his +clothes at one time, and the ox-blood stripes on his shirt exactly +matched the color of his necktie and socks. He had concluded his +interview with Morris on the morning following Henochstein's fiasco, +before Abe's arrival at the office, and he was just leaving as Abe came +in.</p> + +<p>"Who's that, Mawruss?" Abe asked, staring after the departing figure.</p> + +<p>"That's Sam Slotkin," Morris replied. "He looks like a bright young +feller."</p> + +<p>"I bet yer he looks bright," Abe commented. "He<!-- Page 234 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_234" id="Page_234">[Pg 234]</a></span> looks so bright +in them vaudeville clothes that it almost gives me eye-strain. I suppose +he says he can get us the lofts."</p> + +<p>"Sure," Morris answered; "he says he can fix us up all right."</p> + +<p>"I hope so," Abe said skeptically, and at once repaired to the office. +It was the tail-end of a busy season and Abe and Morris found no time to +renew the topic of their forthcoming removal until two days later when +Sam Slotkin again interviewed Morris. The result was communicated to Abe +by Morris after Slotkin's departure.</p> + +<p>"He says, Abe, that he thinks he's got the very place for us," Morris +said. "He thinks he got it, Mawruss," Abe exclaimed. "Well, we can't rip +out our store here on the strength of a think, Mawruss. When will he +know if he's got it?"</p> + +<p>"To-morrow morning," Morris replied, and went upstairs to the workroom, +where the humming of many machines testified to the last rush of the +season's work. Abe joined him there a few minutes later.</p> + +<p>"Believe me, Mawruss," he said, "I'll be glad when this here order for +the Fashion Store is out."</p> + +<p>"It takes a week yet, Goldman tells me," Morris replied, "and I guess we +might have to work nights if they don't make it a hurry-up."</p> + +<p>"Well, we're pretty late with that Fashion Store delivery as it is, +Mawruss," Abe replied. "It<!-- Page 235 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">[Pg 235]</a></span> wouldn't hurt none if we did work +nights, Mawruss. We ought to get that order out by the day after +to-morrow yet."</p> + +<p>"You speak to 'em, Abe," Morris retorted, indicating the working force +by a wave of his hand.</p> + +<p>"What have I got to do with it?" Abe asked. "You're the inside man, +Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"To my sorrow, Abe," said Morris, "and if you was the inside man you +would know it that if I told 'em they was working on a rush order they'd +strike for more money already."</p> + +<p>"And yet, Mawruss, you ain't in favor of giving out our work by +contractors," Abe cried as he walked away.</p> + +<p>The next morning Sam Slotkin was waiting in the show-room before Abe or +Morris arrived. When they entered he advanced to meet them with a +confident smile.</p> + +<p>"I got it the very thing what you want, Mr. Perlmutter," he said. +"A fine loft on Nineteenth Street."</p> + +<p>"A loft!" Abe exclaimed.</p> + +<p>"A fine loft," Slotkin corrected.</p> + +<p>"How big a loft?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>"Well, it is maybe twicet as big as this here," Slotkin replied. "You +could get into it all your machines and have a cutting-room and +show-room and office besides."</p> + +<p>"That sounds pretty good, Abe," Morris commented. "Don't you think so, +Abe?"</p> + +<p><!-- Page 236 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">[Pg 236]</a></span>Abe pulled off his coat with such force that he ripped the +sleeve-lining.</p> + +<p>"What are you doing," he demanded, "making jokes with me?" "And it's +only twenty dollars more a month as you're paying here," Slotkin +concluded.</p> + +<p>"Twenty dollars a month won't make us or break us, Abe," Morris said.</p> + +<p>"It won't, hey?" Abe roared. "Well, that don't make no difference, +Mawruss. You said you wanted it two lofts, and we got to have it two +lofts. How do you think we're going to sell goods and keep our books, +Mawruss, if we have all them machines kicking up a racket on the same +floor?"</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe, might we could send our work out by contractors, maybe," +Morris answered with all the vivacity of a man suggesting a new and +brilliant idea.</p> + +<p>Abe stared at his partner for a minute.</p> + +<p>"What's the matter with you, Morris, anyway?" he asked at length. "First +you say it we must have two lofts and keep our work in our own shop, and +now you turn right around again."</p> + +<p>"I got to talking it over with Minnie last night," Morris replied, "and +she thinks maybe if we give our work out by contractors we wouldn't need +it to stay down so late, and then I wouldn't keep the dinner waiting an +hour or so every other night. We lose it two good girls already by it in +six months."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 237 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_237" id="Page_237">[Pg 237]</a></span>"Who is running this business, Mawruss?" Abe roared. "Minnie or +us?"</p> + +<p>Sam Slotkin listened with a slightly bored air.</p> + +<p>"Gentlemen, gentlemen," he said, "what's the use of it you make all this +disturbance? The loft is light on all four sides, with two elevators. +Also, it is already big enough for——"</p> + +<p>"What are you butting in for?" Abe shouted. "What business is it of +yours, anyhow?"</p> + +<p>"I am the broker," Sam Slotkin replied with simple dignity. "And also +you're going to take that loft. Otherwise I lose it three hundred +dollars' commission, and besides——"</p> + +<p>"My partner is right," Morris interrupted. "You ain't got no business to +say what we will or will not do. If we want to take it we will take it, +otherwise not."</p> + +<p>"Don't worry," Sam Slotkin cried, "you will take it all right and I'll +be back this afternoon for an answer."</p> + +<p>He put on his hat and left without another word, while Abe and Morris +looked at each other in blank amazement.</p> + +<p>"That's a real-estater for you," Abe said. "Henochstein's got it pretty +good nerve, Mawruss, but this feller acts so independent like a doctor +or a lawyer."</p> + +<p>Morris nodded and started to hang up his hat and coat, but even as his +hand was poised half-way to the hook it became paralyzed. Simultaneously +Abe looked up from the column of the Daily Cloak and<!-- Page 238 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_238" id="Page_238">[Pg 238]</a></span> Suit Record +and Miss Cohen, the bookkeeper, stopped writing; for the hum of +sewing machines, which was as much a part of their weekday lives as the +beating of their own hearts, had suddenly ceased.</p> + +<p>Abe and Morris took the stairs leading to the upper floor three at a +jump, and arrived breathlessly in the workroom just as fifty-odd +employees were putting on their coats preparatory to leaving.</p> + +<p>"What's the matter?" Abe gasped.</p> + +<p>"Strike," Goldman, the foreman, replied.</p> + +<p>"A strike!" Morris cried. "What for a strike?"</p> + +<p>Goldman shrugged his shoulders.</p> + +<p>"Comes a walking delegate by the opposite side of the street and makes +with his hands motions," he explained. "So they goes out on strike."</p> + +<p>Few of the striking operators could speak English, but those that did +nodded their corroboration.</p> + +<p>"For what you strike?" Morris asked them.</p> + +<p>"Moost strike," one of them replied. "Ven varking delegate say moost +strike, ve moost strike."</p> + +<p>Sadly Abe and Morris watched their employees leave the building, and +then they repaired to the show-room.</p> + +<p>"There goes two thousand dollars, Mawruss," Abe said. "For so sure as +you live, Mawruss, if we don't make that delivery to the Fashion Store +inside of a week we get a cancelation by the next day's mail; ain't it?"</p> + +<p>Morris nodded gloomily, and they both remained silent for a few minutes.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 239 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_239" id="Page_239">[Pg 239]</a></span>"Mawruss," Abe said at last, "where is that loft what Slotkin +gives us?"</p> + +<p>"What do you want to know for?"</p> + +<p>"I'm going right up to have a look at it," Abe replied. "I'm sick and +tired of this here strike business."</p> + +<p>Morris heaved a great sigh.</p> + +<p>"I believe you, Abe," he said. "The way I feel it now we will sell for +junk every machine what we got."</p> + +<p>Forthwith Abe boarded a car for uptown, and when he returned two hours +later he found Goldman discussing ways and means with Morris in the +show-room.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," Morris cried, "what for a loft you seen it?"</p> + +<p>Abe hung up his hat deliberately.</p> + +<p>"I tell you the truth, Mawruss," he said, turning around, "the loft +ain't bad. It's a good-looking loft, Mawruss, only it's certain sure we +couldn't have no machines in that loft."</p> + +<p>"<i>Ai vai!</i>" Goldman exclaimed, rocking to and fro in his chair and +striking his head with his clenched fist.</p> + +<p>"<i>Nu</i> Goldman?" Morris asked. "What's the trouble with you?"</p> + +<p>"Troubles enough he got it, Mawruss," Abe said, as he watched Goldman's +evolutions of woe. "If we do away with our machines he loses his job; +ain't it?"</p> + +<p><!-- Page 240 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_240" id="Page_240">[Pg 240]</a></span>Sympathy seemed only to intensify Goldman's distress.</p> + +<p>"Better than that he should make me dizzy at my stomach to watch him, +Abe," Morris said. "I got a suggestion."</p> + +<p>Goldman ceased rocking and looked up.</p> + +<p>"I got a suggestion, Abe," Morris went on, "that we sell it our machines +on long terms of credit to Goldman, and he should go into the +contracting business; ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"<i>Ai vai!</i>" Goldman cried again, and commenced to rock anew.</p> + +<p>"Stop it, Goldman," Abe yelled. "What's the trouble now?"</p> + +<p>"What show does a feller got it what starts as a new beginner in cloak +contracting already?" Goldman wailed.</p> + +<p>"Well," Abe replied, "you could get our work."</p> + +<p>Morris seized on this as a happy compromise between his own advocacy of +Ginsburg & Kaplan and the rival claims of Abe's wife's relations.</p> + +<p>"Sure," he agreed. "We will give him the work what we give now to +Satinstein and Ginsburg & Kaplan."</p> + +<p>Goldman's face spread into a thousand wrinkles of joy.</p> + +<p>"You save my life!" he exclaimed.</p> + +<p>"Only he got to agree by a lawyer he should make it up our work a whole +lot cheaper as they did," Morris concluded.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 241 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_241" id="Page_241">[Pg 241]</a></span>Goldman nodded vigorously.</p> + +<p>"Sure, sure," he said.</p> + +<p>"And also he got to help us call off this here strike," Abe added.</p> + +<p>"I do my bestest," Goldman replied. "Only we got to see it the varking +delegate first and fix it up with him."</p> + +<p>"Who is this walking delegate, anyhow?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>Goldman scratched his head to aid his memory.</p> + +<p>"I remember it now," he said at last. "It's a feller by the name Sam +Slotkin."</p> + +<p>When Abe and Morris recovered from the shock of Goldman's disclosure +they vied with each other in the strength of their resolutions not to +move into Sam Slotkin's loft. "I wouldn't pay it not one cent blackmail +neither," Abe declared, "not if they kept it up the strike for a year."</p> + +<p>"Better as we should let that sucker do us, Abe," Morris declared, "I +would go out of the business first; ain't it?"</p> + +<p>Abe nodded and, after a few more defiant sentiments, they went upstairs +with Goldman to estimate the amount of work undone on the Fashion Store +order.</p> + +<p>"Them Fashion people was always good customers of ours, too, Mawruss," +Abe commented, "and we couldn't send the work out by contractors in this +shape. It would ruin the whole job."</p> + +<p>Morris nodded sadly.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 242 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_242" id="Page_242">[Pg 242]</a></span>"If we could only get them devils of operators to finish up," he +said, "they could strike till they was blue in the face yet."</p> + +<p>"But I wouldn't pay one cent to that sucker, Slotkin, Mawruss," Abe +added.</p> + +<p>"Sure not," Morris agreed.</p> + +<p>"Might you wouldn't have to pay him nothing, maybe," Goldman suggested.</p> + +<p>"What d'ye mean?" Abe cried.</p> + +<p>"Might if you would take it the loft he would call off the strike," said +Goldman.</p> + +<p>"That's so, Mawruss," Abe murmured, as though this phase of the matter +had just occurred to him for the first time.</p> + +<p>"Maybe Goldman is right, Abe," Morris replied. "Maybe if we took it the +loft Slotkin would call off the strike."</p> + +<p>"After all, Mawruss," Abe said, "the loft ain't a bad loft, Mawruss. If +it wasn't such a good loft, Mawruss, I would say it no, Mawruss, we +shouldn't take the loft; but the loft is a first-class A Number One +loft."</p> + +<p>"S'enough, Abe," Morris replied. "You don't have to tell it me a hundred +times already. I ain't disputing it's a good loft; and so if Slotkin +calls off the strike we take the loft."</p> + +<p>At this juncture the store door opened and Slotkin himself entered.</p> + +<p>"Good afternoon, gents," he said.</p> + +<p>Morris and Abe greeted him with a scowl.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 243 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_243" id="Page_243">[Pg 243]</a></span>"I suppose you come for an answer about that loft, huh?" Morris +snorted.</p> + +<p>Slotkin stared at Abe indignantly.</p> + +<p>"Excuse me, Mr. Perlmutter," he said, "I ain't here as broker. I'll +see you later about that already. I come here now as varking delegate."</p> + +<p>"Sure, I know," Abe replied. "When you call it a strike on us this +morning, that ain't got nothing to do with our taking the loft. We +believe that, Slotkin; so go ahead and tell us something else."</p> + +<p>"It makes me no difference whether you believe it or you don't believe +it, Mr. Potash," Slotkin went on. "All I got to say is that you +signed it an agreement with the union; ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"Sure, we signed it," said Abe, "and we kept it, too. We pay 'em always +union prices and we keep it union hours."</p> + +<p>"Prices and hours is all right," Slotkin said, "but in the agreement +stands it you should give 'em a proper place to work in it."</p> + +<p>"Well," Morris cried, "ain't it a proper place here to work in it?"</p> + +<p>Slotkin shook his head.</p> + +<p>"As varking delegate I seen it already. I seen it your shop where your +operators work," he commenced, "and——"</p> + +<p>"Why, you ain't never been inside our shop," Goldman cried.</p> + +<p>"I seen it from the outside—from the street<!-- Page 244 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_244" id="Page_244">[Pg 244]</a></span> +already—and as varking delegate it is my duty to call on you a +strike," Slotkin concluded.</p> + +<p>"What's the matter with the workroom?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"Well, the neighborhood ain't right," Slotkin explained. "It's a narrow +street already. It should be on a wider street like Nineteenth Street."</p> + +<p>He paused to note the effect and Morris grunted involuntarily.</p> + +<p>"Also," Slotkin continued, "it needs it light on four sides, and two +elevators."</p> + +<p>"And I suppose if we hire it such a loft, Slotkin," Abe broke in, "you +will call off the strike."</p> + +<p>"Sure I will call it off the strike," he declared. "It would be my duty +as varking delegate. I moost call it off the strike."</p> + +<p>"All right, then," Abe said; "call off the strike. We made up our mind +we will take the loft."</p> + +<p>"You mean you will take such a loft what the union agreement calls for +and which I just described it to you," Slotkin corrected in his quality +of walking delegate.</p> + +<p>"That's what we mean," Abe replied.</p> + +<p>"Why, then, that loft what I called to your attention, as broker, this +morning would be exactly what you would need it!" Slotkin exclaimed, in +the hearty tones of a conscientious man, glad that for once the +performance of his official duty redounded to clean-handed personal +profit.</p> + +<p>"Sure," Abe grunted.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 245 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_245" id="Page_245">[Pg 245]</a></span>"Then, as broker, I tell it you that the leases is ready down at +Henry D. Feldman's office," Slotkin replied, "and as soon as they are +signed the strike is off." A week later the Fashion Store's order was +finished, packed and shipped; and on the same day that Goldman, the +foreman, dismissed the hands he went down to Henry D. Feldman's office. +There he signed an agreement with Potash & Perlmutter to make up all +their garments in the contracting shop which he proposed to open the +first of the following month.</p> + +<p>"Where are you going to have it your shop, Goldman?" Morris asked, after +they had returned from Feldman's.</p> + +<p>"That I couldn't tell it you just yet," Goldman replied. "We ain't quite +decided yet."</p> + +<p>"We!" Abe cried excitedly. "Who's we?"</p> + +<p>"Well, I expect to get it a partner with a couple of hundred dollars," +Goldman said; "but, anyhow, Mr. Potash, I get some cards printed +next week and I send you one."</p> + +<p>"All right," Abe replied. "Only let me give it you a piece of advice, +Goldman: If you get it a partner, don't make no mistake and have some +feller what wants to run you and the business and everybody else, +Goldman."</p> + +<p>The thrust went home and Morris stared fiercely at his partner.</p> + +<p>"And you should see it also that his wife ain't got no relations, +Goldman," he added, "otherwise he'll<!-- Page 246 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_246" id="Page_246">[Pg 246]</a></span> want you to share the +profits of the business with them."</p> + +<p>Goldman nodded.</p> + +<p>"Oh, I got a good, smart feller picked out, and his wife's relations +will be all right, too," he said, as he started to leave. "But, anyhow, +Mr. Perlmutter, I let you know next week."</p> + +<p>About ten days afterward, while Morris and Abe were in the throes of +packing, prior to the removal of their business, the letter-carrier +entered with a batch of mail, and Morris immediately took it into the +show-room.</p> + +<p>"Here, Abe," he said, as he glanced at the first envelope, "this is for +you."</p> + +<p>Then he proceeded to go through the remainder of the pile.</p> + +<p>"Holy smokes!" he cried, as he opened the next envelope.</p> + +<p>"What's the matter?" Abe asked. "Is it a failure?" He had read his own +letter and held it between trembling fingers as he inquired.</p> + +<p>"Look at this," Morris said, handing him a card.</p> + +<p>It was a fragment of cheap pasteboard and bore the following legend:</p> <br/> +<br /> <table class="tspec2" summary="pasteboard card"> <tr> <td class="tdleft">PHILIP GOLDMAN</td> <td class="tdright">SAM SLOTKIN</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdcenter" colspan="2">GOLDMAN & SLOTKIN</td> </tr> <tr> <td +class="tdcenter" colspan="2"><span class="smcap">Cloak and Suit Contractors</span></td> </tr> <tr> <td +class="tdcenter" colspan="2"><span class="smcap">Sponging and Examining</span></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft"><span class="smcap">PIKE STREET</span></td> <td class="tdright"><span class="smcap">NEW +YORK</span></td> </tr> </table> <br /> <br /> <p><!-- Page 247 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_247" id="Page_247">[Pg 247]</a></span>Abe read the card and handed it back in silence.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," Morris cried, "that's a fine piece of business. We not only +got to take it the loft what Slotkin picks out for us, but we also got +to give Slotkin our work also."</p> + +<p>Abe shrugged his shoulders in an indifferent manner.</p> + +<p>"You always got to run things your way, Mawruss," he said. "If you let +me do it my way, Mawruss, we wouldn't of had no strike nor trouble nor +nothing, and it would of been the same in the end."</p> + +<p>"What d'ye mean?" Morris exclaimed.</p> + +<p>"Look at this here," Abe replied, handing him the letter. It was printed +in script on heavily-coated paper and read as follows:</p> <br /> <table +class="tspec2" summary="invitation"> <tr> <td class="tdcenter" colspan="2">MRS. SARAH MASHKOWITZ & MRS. +BLOOMA</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdcenter" colspan="2">SHEIKMAN</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdcenter" colspan="2"><span class="smcap">Sisters of the bride</span></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdcenter" colspan="2"><span class="smcap">request the honor of your Co</span></td> </tr> +<tr> <td class="tdcenter" colspan="2">AT THE MARRIAGE OF THEIR SISTER</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdcenter" colspan="2">MISS MIRIAM SMOLINSKI</td> </tr> <tr> <td +class="tdcenter" colspan="2">TO</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdcenter" colspan="2">SAM SLOTKIN</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdcenter" colspan="2"><span class="smcap">On Sunday Oct 3 1907 at +7 p m sharp</span></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft"><span class="smcap">New Riga Hall</span></td> <td class="tdright"><span class="smcap">Allen Street</span></td> </tr> <tr> <td +class="tdcenter" colspan="2"><span class="smcap">Bride's residence</span></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdcenter" colspan="2"><span class="smcap">Care of Rothman's +Corset Store</span></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdcenter" colspan="2"><span class="smcap">4025 Madison Ave</span></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdcenter" colspan="2"><span class="smcap">N Y City</span></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdcenter" colspan="2"><span class="smcap">Ladies and Gents wardrobe +check 50c</span></td> </tr> </table> <!-- Page 248 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_248" id="Page_248">[Pg 248]</a></span> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <h2>CHAPTER XII</h2> <br /> <br /> <p>"Yes, Mawruss," Abe Potash said to his partner as +they stood together and surveyed the wild disorder of their business +premises, "one removal is worser as a fire."</p> + +<p>"Sure it is," Morris Perlmutter agreed. "A fire you can insure it, Abe, +but a removal is a risk what you got to take yourself; and you're bound +to make it a loss."</p> + +<p>"Not if you got a little system, Mawruss," Abe went on. "The trouble +with us is, Mawruss, we ain't got no system. In less than three weeks +already we got to move into the loft on Nineteenth Street, Mawruss, and +we ain't even made up our minds about the fixtures yet." "The fixtures!" +Morris cried. "For why should we make up our minds about the fixtures, +Abe?"</p> + +<p>"We need to have fixtures, Mawruss, ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"What's the matter with the fixtures what we got it here, Abe?" Morris +asked.</p> + +<p>"Them ain't fixtures what we got it here, Mawruss," Abe replied. "Junk +is what we got it here, Mawruss, not fixtures. If we was to move them +bum-looking racks and tables up to Nineteenth Street, Mawruss, it would +be like an insult to our customers."</p> + +<p>"Would it?" Morris replied. "Well, we ain't<!-- Page 249 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_249" id="Page_249">[Pg 249]</a></span> asking 'em to buy +the fixtures, Abe; we only sell 'em the garments. Anyhow, if our +customers was so touchy, Abe, they would of been insulted long since +ago. For we got them fixtures six years already, and before we had 'em +yet, Abe, Pincus Vesell bought 'em, way before the Spanish War, from +Kupferman & Daiches, and then Kupferman & Daiches——"</p> + +<p>"S'enough, Mawruss," Abe protested. "I ain't asked you you should tell +me the family history of them fixtures, Mawruss. I know it as well as +you do, Mawruss, them fixtures is old-established back numbers, and I +wouldn't have 'em in the store even if we was going to stay here yet."</p> + +<p>"You wouldn't have 'em in the store," Morris broke in; "but how about +me? Ain't I nobody here, Abe? I think I got something to say, too, Abe. +So I made up my mind we're going to keep them fixtures and move 'em up +to the new store. We done it always a good business with them fixtures, +Abe."</p> + +<p>"Yes, Mawruss, and we also lose it a good customer by 'em, too," Abe +rejoined. "You know as well as I do that after one-eye Feigenbaum, of +the H. F. Cloak Company, run into that big rack over by the door and +busted his nose we couldn't sell him no more goods."</p> + +<p>"Was it the rack's fault that Henry Feigenbaum only got one eye, Abe?" +Morris cried. "Anyhow, Abe, when a feller got a nose like Henry +Feigenbaum,<!-- Page 250 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_250" id="Page_250">[Pg 250]</a></span> Abe, he's liable to knock it against most any thing, +Abe; so you couldn't blame it on the fixtures."</p> + +<p>"I don't know who was to blame, Mawruss," Abe said, "but I do know that +he buys it always a big bill of goods from H. Rifkin, what's got that +loft on the next floor above where we took it on Nineteenth Street, and +Rifkin does a big business by him. I bet yer Feigenbaum's account is +easy worth two thousand a year net to Rifkin, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"Maybe it is and maybe it ain't, Abe," Morris rejoined, "but that ain't +here nor there. Instead you should be estimating Rifkin's profits, Abe, +you should better be going up to Nineteenth Street and see if them +people gets through painting and cleaning up. I got it my hands full +down here."</p> + +<p>Abe reached for his hat.</p> + +<p>"I bet yer you got your hands full, Mawruss," he grumbled. "The way it +looks, now, Mawruss, you got our sample lines so mixed up it'll be out +of date before you get it sorted out again."</p> + +<p>"All right," Morris retorted, "we'll get out a new one. We don't care +nothing about the expenses, Abe. If the old fixtures ain't good enough +our sample line ain't good enough, neither. Ain't it? What do we care +about money, Abe?"</p> + +<p>He paused to emphasize the irony.</p> + +<p>"No, Abe," he concluded, "don't you worry about them samples, nor them +fixtures, neither. You got<!-- Page 251 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_251" id="Page_251">[Pg 251]</a></span> worry enough if you tend to your own +business, Abe. I'll see that them samples gets up to Nineteenth Street +in good shape."</p> + +<p>Abe shrugged his shoulders and made for the door.</p> + +<p>"And them fixtures also, Abe," Morris shouted after him.</p> + +<p>The loft building on Nineteenth Street into which Potash & +Perlmutter proposed to move was an imposing fifteen-story structure. +Burnished metal signs of its occupants flanked its wide doorway, and the +entrance hall gleamed with gold leaf and plaster porphyry, while the +uniform of each elevator attendant would have graced the high admiral of +a South American Navy.</p> + +<p>So impressed was Abe with the magnificence of his surroundings that he +forgot to call his floor when he entered one of the elevators, and +instead of alighting at the fifth story he was carried up to the sixth +floor before the car stopped.</p> + +<p>Seven or eight men stepped out with him and passed through the door of +H. Rifkin's loft, while Abe sought the stairs leading to the floor +below. He walked to the westerly end of the hall, only to find that the +staircase was at the extreme easterly end, and as he retraced his +footsteps a young man whom he recognized as a clerk in the office of +Henry D. Feldman, the prominent cloak and suit attorney, was pasting a +large sheet of paper on H. Rifkin's door.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 252 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_252" id="Page_252">[Pg 252]</a></span>It bore the following legend:</p> <br /> <br /> <table class="tspec2" +summary="door notice"> <tr> <td class="tdcenter" colspan="3">CLOSED</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdcenter" colspan="3">BY ORDER OF THE FEDERAL RECEIVER</td> </tr> <tr> +<td> </td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdcenter" colspan="3">¯¯¯¯¯¯</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdcenter" colspan="3">HENRY D. FELDMAN</td> </tr> <tr> <td +class="td center" colspan="3">Attorney for Petitioning Creditors</td> </tr> </table> <br /> <br /> <p>Abe +stopped short and shook the sticky hand of the bill-poster.</p> + +<p>"How d'ye do, Mr. Feinstein?" he said.</p> + +<p>"Ah, good morning, Mr. Potash," Feinstein cried in his employer's +best tone and manner.</p> + +<p>"What's the matter? Is Rifkin in trouble?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, no," Feinstein replied ironically. "Rifkin ain't in trouble; his +creditors is in trouble, Mr. Potash. The Federal Textile Company, +ten thousand four hundred and eighty-two dollars; Miller, Field & +Simpson, three thousand dollars; the Kosciusko Bank, two thousand and +fifty."</p> + +<p>Abe whistled his astonishment.</p> + +<p>"I always thought he done it such a fine business," he commented.</p> + +<p>"Sure he done it a fine business," the law clerk said. "I should say he +did done it a fine business. If he got away with a cent he got away with +fifty thousand dollars."</p> + +<p>"Don't nobody know where he skipped to?"</p> + +<p>"Only his wife," Feinstein replied, "and she left home yesterday. Some +says she went to Canada and some says to Mexico; but they mostly goes to +Brooklyn, and who in blazes could find her there?"</p> + +<p><!-- Page 253 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_253" id="Page_253">[Pg 253]</a></span>Abe nodded solemnly.</p> + +<p>"But come inside and give a look around," Feinstein said hospitably. +"Maybe there's something you would like to buy at the receiver's sale +next week."</p> + +<p>Abe handed Feinstein a cigar, and together they went into Rifkin's loft.</p> + +<p>"He's got some fine fixtures, ain't it?" Abe said as he gazed upon the +mahogany and plate-glass furnishings of Rifkin's office.</p> + +<p>"Sure he has," Feinstein replied nonchalantly, scratching a parlor match +on the veneered shelf under the cashier's window. The first attempt +missed fire, and again he drew a match across the lower part of the +partition, leaving a great scar on its polished surface.</p> + +<p>"Ain't you afraid you spoil them fixtures?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"They wouldn't bring nothing at the receiver's sale, anyhow," Feinstein +replied, "even though they are pretty near new."</p> + +<p>"They must have cost him a pretty big sum, ain't it?" Abe said.</p> + +<p>"They didn't cost him a cent," Feinstein answered, "because he ain't +paid a cent for 'em. Flaum & Bingler sold 'em to him, and they're +one of the petitioning creditors. Twenty-one hundred dollars they got +stung for, and they ain't got no chattel mortgage nor nothing. Look at +them racks there and all them mirrors and tables! Good enough for a<!-- +Page 254 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_254" id="Page_254">[Pg 254]</a></span> saloon. I bet yer them green baize doors, what he +put inside the regular door, is worth pretty near a hundred dollars."</p> + +<p>Abe nodded again.</p> + +<p>"And I bet the whole shooting-match don't fetch five hundred dollars at +the receiver's sale," Feinstein said.</p> + +<p>"Why, I'd give that much for it myself," Abe cried.</p> + +<p>Feinstein puffed away at his cigar for a minute.</p> + +<p>"Do you honestly mean you'd like to buy them fixtures?" he said at last.</p> + +<p>"Sure I'd like to buy them," Abe replied. "When is the receiver's sale +going to be?"</p> + +<p>"Next week, right after the order of adjudication is signed. But that +won't do you no good. The dealers would bid 'em up on you, and you +wouldn't stand no show at all. What you want to do is to buy 'em from +the receiver at private sale."</p> + +<p>"So?" Abe commented. "Well, how would I go about that?"</p> + +<p>Feinstein pulled his hat over his eyes and, resting his cigar on the top +of Rifkin's desk with the lighted end next to the wood, he drew Abe +toward the rear of the office.</p> + +<p>"Leave that to me," he said mysteriously. "Of course, you couldn't +expect to get them fixtures much under six hundred dollars at private +sale, because it's got to be done under the direction of the court; but +for fifty dollars I could undertake to let<!-- Page 255 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_255" id="Page_255">[Pg 255]</a></span> you in on 'em for, +say, five hundred and seventy-five dollars. How's that?"</p> + +<p>Abe puffed at his cigar before replying.</p> + +<p>"I got to see it my partner first," he said.</p> + +<p>"That's all right, too," Feinstein rejoined; "but there was one dealer +in here this morning already. As soon as the rest of 'em get on to this +here failure they'll be buzzing around them fixtures like flies in a +meat market, and maybe I won't be able to put it through for you at +all."</p> + +<p>"I tell you what I'll do," Abe said. "I'll go right down to the store +and I'll be back here at two o'clock."</p> + +<p>"You've got to hustle if you want them fixtures," he said.</p> + +<p>"I bet yer I got to hustle," Abe said, his eyes fixed on the marred +surface of the desk, "for if you're going to smoke many more cigars +around here them fixtures won't be no more good to nobody."</p> + +<p>"That don't harm 'em none," Feinstein replied. "A cabinetmaker could fix +that up with a piece of putty and some shellac so as you wouldn't know +it from new."</p> + +<p>"But if I buy it them fixtures," Abe concluded, as he turned toward the +door, "I'd as lief have 'em without putty, if it's all the same to you."</p> + +<p>"Sure," Feinstein replied, and no sooner had Abe disappeared into the +hall than he drew a morning paper from his pocket and settled down to +his duties as keeper for the Federal receiver by selecting the<!-- Page +256 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_256" id="Page_256">[Pg 256]</a></span> most comfortable chair in the room and cocking up his +feet against the side of Rifkin's desk.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," Morris cried as his partner entered the store half an hour +later, "I give you right."</p> + +<p>"You give me right?" Abe repeated. "What d'ye mean?"</p> + +<p>"About them fixtures," Morris explained. "I give you right. Them +fixtures is nothing but junk, and we got to get some new ones."</p> + +<p>"Sure we got to get some new ones, Mawruss," Abe agreed, "and I seen it +the very thing what we want up at H. Rifkin's place."</p> + +<p>"H. Rifkin's place," Morris exclaimed.</p> + +<p>"That's what I said," Abe replied. "I got an idee, Mawruss, we should +buy them fixtures what H. Rifkin got."</p> + +<p>"Is that so?" Morris retorted. "Well, why should we buy it fixtures what +H. Rifkin throws out?"</p> + +<p>"He don't throw 'em out, Mawruss," Abe said. "He ain't got no more use +for 'em, Mawruss. He busted up this morning."</p> + +<p>"You can't make me feel bad by telling me that, Abe," Morris rejoined. +"A sucker what takes from us a good customer like Henry Feigenbaum +should of busted up long since already. But that ain't the point, Abe. +If we're going to get it fixtures, we don't want no second-hand +articles."</p> + +<p>"They ain't no second-hand articles, Mawruss," Abe explained. "They're +pretty near brand-new,<!-- Page 257 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_257" id="Page_257">[Pg 257]</a></span> and I got a particular reason why we +should buy them fixtures, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>He paused for some expression of curiosity from his partner, but Mawruss +merely pursed his lips and looked bored.</p> + +<p>"Yes, Mawruss," Abe went on, "I got it a particular reason why we should +buy them fixtures, Mawruss. You see, this here Rifkin got it the loft +right upstairs one flight from us, Mawruss, and naturally he's got it +lots of out-of-town trade what don't know he's busted yet, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"No?" Morris vouchsafed.</p> + +<p>"So these here out-of-town customers comes up to see Rifkin. They gets +in the elevator and they says 'Sixth,' see? And the elevator man thinks +they says 'Fifth,' and he lets 'em off at our floor because there ain't +nobody on the sixth floor. Well, Mawruss, we leave our store door open, +and the customer sees Rifkin's fixtures inside, so he walks in and +thinks he's in Rifkin's place. Before he finds out he ain't, Mawruss, we +sell him a bill of goods ourselves."</p> + +<p>Morris stared at Abe in silent contempt.</p> + +<p>"Of course, Mawruss," Abe went on, "I'm only saying they might do this, +y'understand, and certainly it would only be for the first week or so +what we are there, ain't it? But if we should only get it one or two +customers that way, Mawruss, them fixtures would pay for themselves."</p> + +<p>"Dreams you got it, Abe," Morris cried. "You think them customers would +be blind, Abe? Ain't<!-- Page 258 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_258" id="Page_258">[Pg 258]</a></span> they got eyes in their head? Since when +would they mistake a back number like you for an up-to-date feller like +Rifkin, Abe?"</p> + +<p>"Maybe I am a back number, Mawruss," Abe replied, "but I know a bargain +when I see it. Them fixtures is practically this season's goods already. +Why, H. Rifkin ain't even paid for them yet."</p> + +<p>"There ain't no seasons in fixtures, Abe," Morris replied, "and besides, +a feller like Rifkin could have it fixtures for ten years without paying +for 'em. He could get 'em on the installment plan and give back a +chattel mortgage, Abe. You couldn't tell me nothing about fixtures, Abe, +because I know all about it."</p> + +<p>"You don't seem to know much about it this morning when I spoke to you, +Mawruss," Abe retorted.</p> + +<p>"Sure not," Morris said, "but I learned it a whole lot since. I got to +thinking it over after you left. So I rings up a feller by the name +Flachsman, what is corresponding secretary in the District Grand Lodge +of the Independent Order Mattai Aaron, which I belong it. This here +Flachsman got a fixture business over on West Broadway."</p> + +<p>Abe nodded. He lit a fresh cigar to sustain himself against impending +bad news.</p> + +<p>"And this here Flachsman comes around here half an hour ago and shows me +pictures from fixtures, Abe; and he got it such elegant fixtures like a +bank or a saloon, which he could put it in for us for two thousand +dollars."</p> + +<p>"Two thousand dollars!" Abe cried.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 259 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_259" id="Page_259">[Pg 259]</a></span>"Well, twenty-two fifty," Morris amended. "Comes to about the +same with cash discount. Flachsman tells me he seen the kind of loft we +got and knows it also the measurements; so I think to myself what's the +use waiting. Abe wants it we should buy the fixtures, and we ain't got +no time to lose. So I signed the contract."</p> + +<p>Abe sat down heavily in the nearest chair and pushed his hat back from +his forehead.</p> + +<p>"Yes, Mawruss," he said bitterly, "that's the way it goes when a +feller's got a partner what is changeable like Paris fashions. You are +all plain one minute, and the next you are all soutache and buttons. +This morning you wouldn't buy no fixtures, not if you could get 'em for +nix, and a couple hours later you throw it away two thousand dollars in +the streets."</p> + +<p>Morris glared indignantly at his partner.</p> + +<p>"You are the changeable one, Abe," he cried, "not me. This morning old +fixtures to you is junk. Ain't it? You got to have new fixtures and +that's all there is to it. But now, Abe, new fixtures is poison to you, +and you got to have second-hand fixtures. What's the matter with you, +anyway, Abe?"</p> + +<p>"I told it you a dozen times already, Mawruss," Abe replied, "them ain't +no exactly second-hand fixtures what Rifkin got it. Them fixtures is +like new—fine mahogany partitions and plated glass."</p> + +<p>"That's what we bought it, Abe," Morris said, "fine mahogany partitions +with plated glass. If you<!-- Page 260 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_260" id="Page_260">[Pg 260]</a></span> wouldn't jump so much over me, I would +of told you about it."</p> + +<p>Abe shrugged despairingly.</p> + +<p>"Go ahead," he said. "I ain't jumping over you."</p> + +<p>"Well, in the first place, Abe," Morris went on, "there's a couple of +swinging doors inside the hall door."</p> + +<p>"Just like Rifkin's," Abe interrupted.</p> + +<p>"Better as Rifkin's," Morris exclaimed. "Them doors is covered with +goods, Abe, and holes in each door with glass into it."</p> + +<p>"Sure, I know," Abe replied. "Rifkin's doors got green cashmere onto 'em +like a pool table."</p> + +<p>"Only new, not second-hand," Morris added. "Then, when you get through +them doors, on the left side is the office with mahogany partitions and +plated glass, with a hole into it like a bank already."</p> + +<p>"Sure! The same what I seen it up at Rifkin's, Mawruss," Abe broke in +again.</p> + +<p>Morris drew himself up and scowled at Abe.</p> + +<p>"How many times should I tell it you, Abe," he cried, "them fixtures +what Flachsman sells it us is new, and not like Rifkin's."</p> + +<p>"Go ahead, Mawruss," Abe replied. "Let's hear it."</p> + +<p>"Over the hole is a sign, Cashier," Morris continued.</p> + +<p>Abe was about to nod again, but at a warning glance from Morris he +thought better of it.</p> + +<p>"But I told it Flachsman we ain't got no cashier,<!-- Page 261 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_261" id="Page_261">[Pg 261]</a></span> only a +bookkeeper," Morris said, "and so he says he could put it Bookkeeper +over the hole. Inside the office is two desks, one for you and me, and a +high one for the bookkeeper behind the hole. On the right-hand side as +you go inside them pool-table doors is another mahogany partition, and +back of that is the cutting-room already. Then you walk right straight +ahead, and between them two partitions is like a hall-way, what leads to +the front of the loft, and there is the show-room with showcases, racks +and tables like what I got it a list here."</p> + +<p>"And the whole business will cost it us two thousand dollars, Mawruss," +Abe commented.</p> + +<p>"Two thousand two hundred and fifty," Morris said.</p> + +<p>"Well, all I got to say is we would get it the positively same identical +thing by H. Rifkin's place for six hundred dollars," Abe concluded.</p> + +<p>He rose to his feet and took off his hat and coat.</p> + +<p>"What did you say this here feller Flachsman was in the district lodge +of the I. O. M. A., Mawruss?" he inquired.</p> + +<p>"Corresponding secretary," Morris replied. "What for you ask, Abe?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, nothing," Abe replied as he turned away. "Only, I was wondering +what he would soak us for them fixtures, Mawruss, if he would of been +Grand Master."</p> + +<p>Ten days afterward the receiver in bankruptcy sold Rifkin's stock and +fixtures at auction, and when<!-- Page 262 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_262" id="Page_262">[Pg 262]</a></span> Abe and Morris took possession of +their new business premises on the first of the following month the +topic of H. Rifkin's failure had ceased to be of interest to the cloak +and suit trade. Morris alone harped upon it.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," he said for the twentieth time, gazing proudly around him, +"what's the matter with them fixtures what we got it? Huh? Ain't them +fixtures got H. Rifkin skinned to death?"</p> + +<p>Abe shook his head solemnly.</p> + +<p>"Mind you, Mawruss," he began, "I ain't saying them fixtures what we got +it ain't good fixtures, y'understand; but they ain't one, two, six with +H. Rifkin's fixtures."</p> + +<p>"That's what you say, Abe," Morris retorted, "but Flachsman says +different. I seen him at the lodge last night, and he tells me them +fixtures what H. Rifkin got it was second quality, Abe. Flachsman says +they wouldn't of stood being took down and put up again. He says he +wouldn't sell them fixtures as second-hand to an East Broadway concern, +without being afraid for a comeback."</p> + +<p>"Flachsman don't know what he's talking about," Abe declared hotly. +"Them fixtures was A Number One. I never seen nothing like 'em before or +since."</p> + +<p>"Bluffs you are making it, Abe," Morris replied. "You seen them fixtures +for ten minutes, maybe, Abe, and in such a short time you couldn't tell +nothing at all about 'em."</p> + +<p>"Couldn't I, Mawruss?" Abe said. "Well, them<!-- Page 263 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_263" id="Page_263">[Pg 263]</a></span> fixtures was the +kind what you wouldn't forget it if you seen 'em for only five minutes. +I bet yer I would know them anywhere, Mawruss, if I seen them again, and +what we got it here from Flachsman is a weak imitation, Mawruss. That's +all."</p> + +<p>At this juncture a customer entered, and for half an hour Morris busied +himself displaying the line. In the meantime Abe went out to lunch, and +when he entered the building on his return a familiar, bulky figure +preceded him into the doorway.</p> + +<p>"Hallo!" Abe cried, and the bulky figure stopped and turned around.</p> + +<p>"Hallo yourself!" he said.</p> + +<p>"You don't know me, Mr. Feigenbaum," Abe went on.</p> + +<p>"Why, how d'ye do, Mr. Potash?" Feigenbaum exclaimed. "What brings +you way uptown here?"</p> + +<p>"We m——" Abe commenced—"that is to say, I come up here +to see a party. I bet yer we're going to the same place, +Mr. Feigenbaum."</p> + +<p>"Maybe," Mr. Feigenbaum grunted.</p> + +<p>"Sixth floor, hey?" Abe cried jocularly, slapping Mr. Feigenbaum on +the shoulder.</p> + +<p>Mr. Feigenbaum's right eye assumed the glassy stare which was +permanent in his left.</p> + +<p>"What business is that from yours, Potash?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Excuse me, Mr. Feigenbaum," Abe said with less jocularity, "I +didn't mean it no harm."</p> + +<p>Together they entered the elevator, and Abe<!-- Page 264 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_264" id="Page_264">[Pg 264]</a></span> created a diversion +by handing Mr. Feigenbaum a large, black cigar with a wide +red-and-gold band on it. While Feigenbaum was murmuring his thanks the +elevator man stopped the car at the fifth floor.</p> + +<p>"Here we are!" Abe cried, and hustled out of the elevator ahead of +Mr. Feigenbaum. He opened the outer door of Potash & +Perlmutter's loft with such rapidity that there was no time for +Feigenbaum to decipher the sign on its ground-glass panel, and the next +moment they stood before the green-baize swinging doors.</p> + +<p>"After you, Mr. Feigenbaum," Abe said. He followed his late +customer up the passageway between the mahogany partitions, into the +show-room.</p> + +<p>"Take a chair, Mr. Feigenbaum," Abe cried, dragging forward a +comfortable, padded seat, into which Feigenbaum sank with a sigh.</p> + +<p>"I wish we could get it furniture like this up in Bridgetown," +Feigenbaum said. "A one-horse place like Bridgetown you can't get +nothing there. Everything you got to come to New York for. We are dead +ones in Bridgetown. We don't know nothing and we don't learn nothing."</p> + +<p>"That's right, Mr. Feigenbaum," Abe said. "You got to come to New +York to get the latest wrinkles about everything."</p> + +<p>With one comprehensive motion he drew forward a chair for himself and +waved a warning to Morris, who ducked behind a rack of cloaks in the +rear of the show-room.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 265 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_265" id="Page_265">[Pg 265]</a></span>"You make yourself to home here, Potash, I must say," Feigenbaum +observed.</p> + +<p>Abe grunted inarticulately and handed a match to Feigenbaum, who lit his +cigar, a fine imported one, and blew out great clouds of smoke with +every evidence of appreciative enjoyment.</p> + +<p>"Where's Rifkin?" he inquired between puffs.</p> + +<p>Abe shook his head and smiled.</p> + +<p>"You got to ask me something easier than that, Mr. Feigenbaum," he +murmured.</p> + +<p>"What d'ye mean?" Feigenbaum cried, jumping to his feet.</p> + +<p>"Ain't you heard it yet?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"I ain't heard nothing," Feigenbaum exclaimed.</p> + +<p>"Then sit down and I'll tell you all about it," Abe said.</p> + +<p>Feigenbaum sat down again.</p> + +<p>"You mean to tell me you ain't heard it nothing about Rifkin?" Abe went +on.</p> + +<p>"Do me the favor, Potash, and spit it out," Feigenbaum broke in +impatiently.</p> + +<p>"Well, Rifkin run away," Abe announced.</p> + +<p>"Run away!"</p> + +<p>"That's what I said," Abe went on. "He made it a big failure and skipped +to the old country."</p> + +<p>"You don't tell me!" Feigenbaum said. "Why, I used to buy it all my +goods from Rifkin."</p> + +<p>Abe leaned forward and placed his hand on Feigenbaum's knees.</p> + +<p>"I know it," he murmured, "and oncet you used<!-- Page 266 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_266" id="Page_266">[Pg 266]</a></span> to buy it all your +goods from us, Mr. Feigenbaum. I assure you, Mr. Feigenbaum, I +don't want to make no bluffs nor nothing, but believe me, the line of +garments what we carry and the line of garments what H. Rifkin carried, +there ain't no comparison. Merchandise what H. Rifkin got in his place +as leaders already, I wouldn't give 'em junk room."</p> + +<p>Mr. Feigenbaum nodded.</p> + +<p>"Well, the fixtures what you was carrying at one time, Potash, I +wouldn't give 'em junk room neither," Feigenbaum declared. "You're lucky +I didn't sue you in the courts yet for busting my nose against that high +rack of yours. I ain't never recovered from that accident what I had in +your place, Potash. I got it catarrh yet, I assure you."</p> + +<p>"Accidents could happen with the best regulations, Mr. Feigenbaum," +Abe cried, "and you see that here we got it a fine new line of +fixtures."</p> + +<p>"Not so good as what Rifkin carried," Feigenbaum said.</p> + +<p>"Rifkin carried fine fixtures, Mr. Feigenbaum," Abe admitted, "but +not so fine as what we got. We got it everything up to date. You +couldn't bump your nose here, not if you was to get down on your hands +and knees and try."</p> + +<p>"I wouldn't do it," Mr. Feigenbaum said solemnly.</p> + +<p>"Sure not," Abe agreed. "But come and look around our loft. We just +moved in here, and everything we got it is new—fixtures and +garments as well."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 267 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_267" id="Page_267">[Pg 267]</a></span>"I guess you must excuse me. I ain't got much time to spare," +Mr. Feigenbaum declared. "I got to get along and buy my stuff."</p> + +<p>Abe sprang to his feet.</p> + +<p>"Buy it here!" he cried. He seized Feigenbaum by the arm and propelled +him over to the sample line of skirts, behind which Morris cowered.</p> + +<p>"Look at them goods," Abe said. "One or two of them styles would be +leaders for H. Rifkin. For us, all them different styles is our ordinary +line."</p> + +<p>In turn, he displayed the rest of the firm's line and exercised his +faculties of persuasion, argument and flattery to such good purpose that +in less than an hour Feigenbaum had bought three thousand dollars' worth +of garments, deliveries to be made within ten days.</p> + +<p>"And now, Mr. Feigenbaum," Abe said, "I want you to look around our +place. Mawruss is in the office, and he would be delighted, I know, to +see you."</p> + +<p>He conducted his rediscovered customer to the office, where Morris was +seated at the roll-top mahogany desk.</p> + +<p>"Ah, Mr. Feigenbaum," Morris cried, effusively seizing the newcomer +by both hands, "ain't it a pleasure to see you again! Take a seat."</p> + +<p>He thrust Feigenbaum into the revolving chair that he had just vacated, +and took the box of gilt-edge customers' cigars out of the safe.</p> + +<p>"Throw away that butt and take a fresh cigar," he exclaimed, handing +Feigenbaum a satiny Invincible<!-- Page 268 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_268" id="Page_268">[Pg 268]</a></span> with the broad band of the best +Havana maker on it. Feigenbaum received it with a smile, for he was now +completely thawed out.</p> + +<p>"You got a fine place here, Mawruss," he said. "Fixtures and everything +A Number One, just like Rifkin's."</p> + +<p>"Better as Rifkin's," Morris declared.</p> + +<p>"Well, maybe it is better in quality," Feigenbaum admitted; "but, I +mean, in arrangement and color it is just the same. Why, when I come in +here with Abe, an hour ago, I assure you I thought I was in Rifkin's old +place. In fact, I could almost swear this desk is the same desk what +Rifkin had it."</p> + +<p>He rose to his feet and passed his hand over the top of the desk with +the touch of a connoisseur.</p> + +<p>"No," he said at last. "It ain't the same as Rifkin's. Rifkin's desk was +a fine piece of Costa Rica mahogany without a flaw. I used to be in the +furniture business oncet, you know, Mawruss, and so I can tell."</p> + +<p>Abe flashed a triumphant grin on Morris, who frowned in reply.</p> + +<p>"But ain't this here desk that—now—what-yer-call-it +mahogany, too, Mr. Feigenbaum?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>"Well, it's Costa Rica mahogany, all right," Feigenbaum said, "but it's +got a flaw into it."</p> + +<p>"A flaw?" Morris and Abe exclaimed with one voice.</p> + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> + +<p class="center"><img title="Look At Them Goods" height="267" width="400" alt="Look At +Them Goods" src="images/003.jpg"></img></p> <h5 class="center"><span class="smcap">Look At Them Goods</span>.</h5> + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> + +<p>"Sure," Mr. Feigenbaum continued. "It looks to<!-- Page 269 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_269" id="Page_269">[Pg 269]</a></span> me like +somebody laid a cigar on to it and burned a hole there. Then some +cabinetmaker fixed it up yet with colored putty and shellac. Nobody +would notice nothing except an expert like me, though."</p> + +<p>Feigenbaum looked at Morris' glum countenance with secret enjoyment, but +when he turned to Abe he was startled into an exclamation, for Abe's +face was ashen and large beads of perspiration stood out on his +forehead.</p> + +<p>"What's the matter, Abe?" Feigenbaum cried. "Are you sick?"</p> + +<p>"My stummick," Abe murmured. "I'll be all right in a minute!"</p> + +<p>Feigenbaum took his hat and coat preparatory to leaving.</p> + +<p>"Well, boys," he said genially, "you got to excuse me. I must be moving +on."</p> + +<p>"Wait just a minute," Abe said. "I want you to look at something."</p> + +<p>He led Feigenbaum out of the office and down the passageway between the +mahogany partitions. In front of the little cashier's window Abe stopped +and pointed to the shelf and panel beneath.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Feigenbaum," he said in shaking tones, "do you see something +down there?"</p> + +<p>Mr. Feigenbaum examined the woodwork closely.</p> + +<p>"Yes, Abe," he answered. "I see it that some loafer has been striking +matches on it, but it's been all fixed up so that you wouldn't notice +nothing."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 270 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_270" id="Page_270">[Pg 270]</a></span>"S'enough," Abe cried. "I'm much obliged to you."</p> + +<p>In silence Abe and Morris ushered Mr. Feigenbaum to the outer door, +and as soon as it closed behind him the two partners faced each other.</p> + +<p>"What difference does it make, Abe?" Morris said. "A little hole and a +little scratch don't amount to nothing."</p> + +<p>Abe gulped once or twice before he could enunciate.</p> + +<p>"It don't amount to nothing, Mawruss," he croaked. "Oh, no, it don't +amount to nothing, but sixteen hundred and fifty dollars."</p> + +<p>"What d'ye mean?" Morris exclaimed.</p> + +<p>"I mean this," Abe thundered: "I mean, we paid twenty-two hundred and +fifty dollars for what we could of bought for six hundred dollars. Them +fixtures what we bought it from Flachsman, he bought it from Rifkin's +bankruptcy sale. I mean that these here fixtures are the positively same +identical fixtures what I seen it upstairs in H. Rifkin's loft."</p> + +<p>It was now Morris' turn to change color, and his face assumed a sickly +hue of green.</p> + +<p>"How do you know that?" he gasped.</p> + +<p>"Because I was in Rifkin's old place when that lowlife Feinstein, what +works for Henry D. Feldman, had charge of it after the failure; and I +seen Feinstein strike them matches and put his seegar on the top from +the desk."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 271 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_271" id="Page_271">[Pg 271]</a></span>He led the way back to the office and once more examined the +flaw in the mahogany.</p> + +<p>"Yes, Mawruss," he said, "two thousand two hundred and fifty dollars we +got to pay it for this here junk. Twenty-two hundred and fifty dollars, +Mawruss, you throw it into the street for damaged, second-hand stuff +what ain't worth two hundred."</p> + +<p>"Why, you say it yourself you wanted to pay six hundred for it, Abe," +Morris protested, "and you said it was first-class, A Number One +fixtures."</p> + +<p>"Me, Mawruss!" Abe exclaimed. "I'm surprised to hear you should talk +that way, Mawruss. I knew all the time that them fixtures was bum stuff. +I only wanted to buy 'em because I thought that they would bring us some +of Rifkin's old customers, Mawruss, and I was right."</p> + +<p>"You're always right, Abe," Morris retorted. "Maybe you was right when +you said Feinstein made them marks, Abe, and maybe you wasn't. Feinstein +ain't the only one what scratches matches and smokes seegars, Abe. You +smoke, too, Abe."</p> + +<p>"All right, Mawruss," Abe said. "I scratched them matches and burnt that +hole, if you think so; but just the same, Mawruss, if I did or if I +didn't, Ike Flachsman done us, anyhow."</p> + +<p>"How d'ye know that, Abe?" Morris blurted out. "I don't believe them +fixtures is Rifkin's fixtures at all, and I don't believe that Flachsman +bought 'em at Rifkin's sale. What's more, Abe, I'm going to get<!-- Page +272 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_272" id="Page_272">[Pg 272]</a></span> Feinstein on the 'phone right away and find out who did +buy 'em."</p> + +<p>He went to the telephone immediately and rang up Henry D. Feldman's +office.</p> + +<p>"Hallo, Mr. Feinstein," he said, after the connection had been +made. "This is Mawruss Perlmutter, of Potash & Perlmutter. You know +them fixtures what H. Rifkin had it?"</p> + +<p>"I sure do," Feinstein replied.</p> + +<p>"Well, who bought it them fixtures at the receiver's sale?"</p> + +<p>"I got to look it up," Feinstein said. "Hold the wire for a minute."</p> + +<p>A moment later he returned to the 'phone.</p> + +<p>"Hallo, Mr. Perlmutter," he said. "They sold for three hundred +dollars to a dealer by the name Isaac Flachsman."</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <h2>CHAPTER XIII</h2> <br /> <br /> <p>"Say, looky here, Abe," Morris cried one rainy March +morning, "we got to get some more insurance."</p> + +<p>"What do you mean, insurance?" Abe asked. "We got enough insurance, +Mawruss. Them Rifkin fixtures ain't so valuable as all that, Mawruss, +and even if we wouldn't already got it for twenty thousand dollars +insurance, Mawruss, the building is anyhow fireproof. In a fireproof +building you don't got to have so much insurance."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 273 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_273" id="Page_273">[Pg 273]</a></span>"Is that so?" Morris replied. "Well, Pinkel Brothers' building +where they got it a loft is fireproof, and they got it also oitermatic +sprinklers, Abe, and they somehow get burned out anyhow."</p> + +<p>"You couldn't prove to me nothing by Pinkel Brothers, Mawruss," Abe +rejoined. "Them people has already got a hundred operators and we ain't +got one, Mawruss, and every operator smokes yet a cigarettel, and you +know what them cigarettels is, Mawruss. They practically smokes +themselves. So, if an operator throws one of them cigarettels in a bin +from clippings, Mawruss, that cigarettel would burn up them clippings +certain sure. For my part, I wouldn't have a cigarettel in the place; +and so, Mawruss, we wouldn't have no fire, neither."</p> + +<p>"I know, Abe," Morris protested; "but the loft upstairs is vacant and +the loft downstairs is vacant, and everybody ain't so grouchy about +cigarettels like you are, Abe. Might one of them lofts would be taken by +a feller what is already a cigarettel fiend, Abe. And fires can start by +other causes, too; and then where would we be with our twenty thousand +insurance and all them piece goods what we got it?"</p> + +<p>"But the building is fireproof, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"Sure I know," Morris replied; "fireproof buildings is like them +gilt-edge, A Number One concerns what you sell goods to for ten years, +maybe, and then all of a sudden when you don't expect it one of 'em +busts up on you. And that's the way it is with fireproof<!-- Page 274 --><span class="pagenum"><a +name="Page_274" id="Page_274">[Pg 274]</a></span> buildings, Abe. They're fireproof +so long as nobody has a fire in 'em."</p> + +<p>Abe shrugged his shoulders and lit a fresh cigar.</p> + +<p>"All right, Mawruss," Abe said; "I'm satisfied. If you want to get some +more insurance, go ahead. I got worry enough I should bother my head +about trifles. A little money for insurance we can afford to spend it, +Mawruss, so long as we practically throw it in the streets otherwise."</p> + +<p>"Otherwise?" Morris repeated. "What do you mean we throw it away +otherwise, Abe?"</p> + +<p>"I mean that new style thirty-twenty-eight what you showed it me this +morning, Mawruss," Abe replied. "For a popular-price line, Mawruss, them +new capes has got enough buttons and soutache on to 'em to sell for +twenty dollars already instead of twelve-fifty."</p> + +<p>"That's where you talk without knowing nothing what you say, Abe," +Morris replied. "That garment what you seen it is the winder sample what +I made it up for Louis Feinholz's uptown store. Louis give me a big +order while you was in Boston last week, a special line of capes what I +got up for him to retail at eighteen-fifty. But he also wanted me to +make up for him a winder sample, just one garment to hang in the winder +what would look like them special capes, Abe, y'understand, something +like a diamond looks like a rhinestone. Then, when a lady sees that cape +in the winder, she wants to buy one just like it, so she goes into +Louis' store and they show her one just<!-- Page 275 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_275" id="Page_275">[Pg 275]</a></span> like it, only three +inches shorter, a yard less goods into it, about half the soutache on to +it and a dozen buttons short, Abe; because that winder garment what we +make for Louis costs us ourselves twenty-five dollars, and Louis retails +the garment what he sells that lady for eighteen-fifty. And that's the +way it goes."</p> + +<p>"That's a fine crook, that Louis Feinholz," Abe cried virtuously. "I +wonder that you would sell people like that goods at all, Mawruss. That +feller ain't no good, Mawruss. I seen him go back three times on four +hundred hands up at Max Geigerman's house last week, a dollar a hundred +double-double. He's a gambler, too."</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," Morris answered, "a feller what runs a chance on auction +pinochle ain't near the gambler like a feller what is willing to run a +chance on his business burning out and don't carry no insurance, Abe."</p> + +<p>"Who is willing to run a chance, Mawruss?" Abe cried. "Just to show you +I ain't willing to run a chance I will go right down to J. Blaustein and +take out a ten-thousand-dollar policy, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>Morris colored slightly.</p> + +<p>"Why should we give it Blaustein all our business, Abe?" he said. "That +feller must got it a thousand customers to Rudy Feinholz's one."</p> + +<p>"Whose one?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"Rudy Feinholz's," said Morris. "I thought I told it you that Louis +Feinholz's nephew got an insurance<!-- Page 276 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_276" id="Page_276">[Pg 276]</a></span> business on Lenox Avenue, and +I promised Louis I would give the young feller a show."</p> + +<p>"You promised you would give him a show, Mawruss?" Abe repeated. "You +promised Louis you would give that kid nephew of his what used to run +Louis' books a show?"</p> + +<p>"That's what I said, Abe," Morris answered.</p> + +<p>"Well, all I can say, Mawruss," Abe declared as he put on his hat, "is +that I wouldn't insure it a pinch of snuff by that feller, Mawruss. So +if you take out any policies from him you can pay for 'em yourself, +Mawruss, because I won't."</p> + +<p>He favored Morris with a final glare and banged the door behind him.</p> + +<p>Two hours later when Abe reëntered the show-room his face was +flushed with triumph and he smoked one of J. Blaustein's imported +cigars.</p> + +<p>"You see, Mawruss," he said, flourishing a folded policy, "when you deal +with fellers like Blaustein it goes quick. I got it here a +ten-thousand-dollar insurance by a first-class, A Number One company."</p> + +<p>Morris seized the policy and spread it out on the table. For ten minutes +he examined it closely and then handed it back in silence.</p> + +<p>"Well, Mawruss," Abe inquired anxiously, "ain't that policy all right?"</p> + +<p>Morris shook his head.</p> + +<p>"In the first place, Abe," he said, "why should we insure it a loft on +Nineteenth Street, New York, in the Manchester, Sheffield and +Lincolnshire Insurance<!-- Page 277 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_277" id="Page_277">[Pg 277]</a></span> Company, of Manchester, England? Are we +English or are we American, Abe?"</p> + +<p>This was a poser, and Abe remained silent.</p> + +<p>"And then again, Abe," Morris went on, "supposing we should—maybe, +I am only saying—have a fire, Abe, then we must got to go all the +way to Manchester, England, already to collect our money. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>Abe stared at his feet and made no reply, while Morris again examined +the folded policy.</p> + +<p>"Just listen here to these here names of the people what run the +company, Abe," he said. "Chairman, the rutt honn Earl of Warrington."</p> + +<p>Abe looked up suddenly.</p> + +<p>"What kind of Chinese talk is that, Mawruss?" he said. "Rutt honn?"</p> + +<p>"That's no Chinese talk, Abe," Morris replied. "That's printed right +here on the policy. That rutt honn Earl of Warrington is president of +the board of directors, Abe; and supposing we should maybe for example +have a fire, Abe, what show would we stand it with this here rutt honn +Earl of Warrington?"</p> + +<p>Abe grabbed the policy, which bore on its reverse side the list of +directors headed by the name of that distinguished statesman and Cabinet +minister, the Rt. Hon. Earl of Warrington.</p> + +<p>"J. Blaustein would fix it for us," Abe replied.</p> + +<p>"J. Blaustein," Morris jeered. "I suppose, Abe, him and the rutt honn +Earl of Warrington drinks<!-- Page 278 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_278" id="Page_278">[Pg 278]</a></span> coffee together every afternoon when +J. Blaustein makes a trip to Manchester, England. Ain't it? No, Abe, you +are up against a poor proposition, and I hope you ain't paid for that +policy, Abe."</p> + +<p>"J. Blaustein ain't in no hurry," Abe said. "We never pay him inside of +sixty days, anyway."</p> + +<p>"Well, we ain't going to pay him for that policy inside of sixty days or +six hundred and sixty days, neither, Abe. We're going to fire that +policy back on him, Abe, because I got it here a policy for ten thousand +dollars which Rudy Feinholz just brought it me, Abe, and we are insured +in a good American company, Abe, the Farmers and Ranchers' Insurance +Company, of Arizona."</p> + +<p>Abe shrugged his shoulders.</p> + +<p>"Why should we insure it a stock of cloaks and suits by farmers and +ranchers, Mawruss?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Ain't it better we should insure our goods by farmers and ranchers as +by somebody what we don't know what he does for a living, like the rutt +honn Earl of Warrington?" Morris retorted.</p> + +<p>"But when it comes right down to it, Mawruss," Abe said, "how are we +better off, supposing we got to go all the way to Arizona to collect our +money?"</p> + +<p>"That's what I told it young Feinholz," Morris replied, "and he says +supposing we should, so to speak, have a fire, he guarantees it we would +collect our money every cent of it right here in New York. And anyhow, +Abe, any objections what you got to<!-- Page 279 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_279" id="Page_279">[Pg 279]</a></span> this here Farmers and +Ranchers' policy wouldn't be no use anyhow."</p> + +<p>"No?" Abe said. "Why not?"</p> + +<p>"Because I just sent it Rudy Feinholz a check for the premium," Morris +said, and walked out of the show-room before Abe could enunciate all the +profanity that rose to his lips.</p> + +<p>Louis Feinholz's order was shipped the following week, and with it went +the cape for his show window. Abe himself superintended the packing, for +business was dull in the firm's show-room. A particularly warm March had +given way to a frigid, rainy April, and now that the promise of an early +spring had failed of fulfillment cancelations were coming in thick and +fast. Hence, Abe took rather a pessimistic view of things.</p> + +<p>"I bet yer Feinholz will have yet some kicks about them goods, Mawruss," +he said. "When I come down Feinholz's street this morning, Mawruss, it +looked like Johnstown after the flood. I bet yer Feinholz ain't making +enough in that store just now to pay electric-light bills."</p> + +<p>"I don't know about that, Abe," said Morris. "Louis carries a mighty +attractive line in his winders. Them small Fifth Avenue stores ain't got +nothing on him when it comes to the line of sample garments he carries +in his show winders, Abe."</p> + +<p>"Sure I know," Abe rejoined; "but he ain't got nothing on one of them +piker stores when it comes right down to the stock he carries on the +inside,<!-- Page 280 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_280" id="Page_280">[Pg 280]</a></span> Mawruss. Yes, Mawruss, when I sell goods to a feller +like Feinholz, Mawruss, I'm afraid for my life until I get my money."</p> + +<p>"Well, you needn't be afraid for Feinholz, Abe," said Morris, "because, +in the first place, the feller has got a fine rating; and then again, he +couldn't fire them goods back on us because, for the price, there ain't +a better-made line in the country."</p> + +<p>"I hope you're right, Mawruss," Abe replied as he rang the bell for the +freight elevator. "It would be a fine comeback if he should return them +goods on us after we give his nephew the insurance we did."</p> + +<p>Again he pressed the elevator bell.</p> + +<p>"What's the matter with that elevator, Mawruss?" he said. "It takes a +year to get a package on to the sidewalk."</p> + +<p>"That's on account of somebody moves in downstairs, Abe," Morris +answered. "Kaskel Schwartz, what used to be foreman for Pinkel Brothers, +him and Moe Feigel goes as partners together in skirts."</p> + +<p>"Is that so?" Abe said, jamming his thumb on the elevator bell. "I hope +he don't got the cigarettel habit."</p> + +<p>At length the elevator arrived, and Jake, the shipping clerk, carried +out the brown paper parcels comprising Feinholz's shipment.</p> + +<p>"If that's the last I seen of them garments," Abe said as he returned to +the show-room, "I'm a lucky man."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 281 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_281" id="Page_281">[Pg 281]</a></span>"Always you're beefing about something happening what ain't +going to happen, Abe," Morris retorted. "Just a few minutes since you +hoped Kaskel Schwartz ain't going to be careless about cigarettels, and +now you're imagining things about Feinholz sending back the goods."</p> + +<p>"Never mind, Mawruss," Abe replied; "in two days' time I shall breathe +easier yet."</p> + +<p>For the rest of the day it rained in a steady, tropical downpour, and +when Abe came downtown the next morning the weather had moderated only +slightly.</p> + +<p>"Yes, Mawruss," he said as he entered, "that's a fine weather for a +cloak business, Mawruss; and I bet yer, Mawruss, if we was making +cravenettes and umbrellas yet we would be having a long dry spell."</p> + +<p>He heaved a great sigh and approached the bookkeeper's desk, where +Morris had laid the morning mail.</p> + +<p>"Did you hear from those suckers out in Kansas City what made the kick +about them London Smokes, Mawruss?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Sure I did," Morris replied; "they says they decided to keep the +goods."</p> + +<p>"I guess it left off raining in Kansas City," Abe commented. "Them +suckers only made that kick because they thought they couldn't sell +nothing in wet weather. Any other kicks, Mawruss?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," Morris replied shortly.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 282 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_282" id="Page_282">[Pg 282]</a></span>Abe looked up.</p> + +<p>"Louis Feinholz!" he gasped.</p> + +<p>Morris nodded and handed Abe a letter. It read as follows:</p> <br /> <br /> <table +class="tspec2" summary="correspondence"> <tr> <td class="tdleft"> THE +LONGCHAMPS</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft"><span class="smcap">L. Feinholz, Proprietor</span></td> </tr> <tr> <td +class="tdleft"> "<span class="smcap">Everything For Madame</span>...."</td> +</tr> <tr> <td class="tdright"><span class="smcap">New York</span>, April 1st, 1908</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft">GENTS: Your shipment of this date arrived +and we must say we are surprised at the goods which you sent us. They +are in no respect up to sample which we keep pending a settlement of any +differences which we might have in respects to this matter.</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdright"> Yours +truly, <span +class="smcap">L. Feinholz</span>.</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft">Dic LF to RC</td> </tr> </table> <br /> <br /> <p>"What does that +sucker mean, Mawruss?" Abe asked. "We ain't sent him no sample of them +capes, Mawruss. We made 'em up according to his instructions, Mawruss. +Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>Morris nodded solemnly and again Abe read the letter.</p> + +<p>This time he dashed the note to the floor and grew purple with rage.</p> + +<p>"Why," he choked, "that sucker must mean it the winder sample."</p> + +<p>Again Morris nodded solemnly.</p> + +<p>"But a ten-year-old child could tell that them garments ain't like that +winder sample, Mawruss," Abe went on.</p> + +<p>"Sure I know," Morris replied sadly, "and a district court judge could +tell it, too. Also, a jury by<!-- Page 283 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_283" id="Page_283">[Pg 283]</a></span> the city court could tell it, Abe; +and also, I rung up Henry D. Feldman and asked him if he could take a +case for us against Louis Feinholz, and Feldman says that Feinholz is +such an old client that he couldn't do it. And that's the way it goes."</p> + +<p>"But them capes was never intended to be the same like that sample, +Mawruss," Abe cried.</p> + +<p>"That's what I told Louis Feinholz when I rung him up after I spoke to +Feldman, and Feinholz says he got the goods and he got the sample, and +that's all he knows about it. Then I asked him if he didn't say it +distinctly we should make up a first-class, expensive winder sample and +ship it along with the order, and he says he don't remember it and that +I should show him a writing."</p> + +<p>"Ain't you got it a writing?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"I ain't got no writing about the winder sample, Abe," Morris replied. +"I only got it a writing about the order."</p> + +<p>"But ain't you got no witnesses, Mawruss?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"Witnesses I got it plenty, Abe," Morris answered. "And so has Feinholz +got it witnesses. What's the use witnesses when all Feinholz has got to +do is to get Henry D. Feldman to make theayter acting over that sample? +For you know as well as I do, Abe, anyone would see that them garments +is <i>doch</i>, anyway, a cheap imitation of that winder sample, Abe."</p> + +<p>At this juncture Jake, the shipping clerk, entered.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 284 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_284" id="Page_284">[Pg 284]</a></span>"Mr. Potash," he said, "here comes Margulies' Harlem +Express with them packages what we shipped it the Longchamps Store +yesterday. Should I take 'em in?"</p> + +<p>Abe jumped to his feet.</p> + +<p>"Did Margulies bring 'em up?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"He had 'em just now on the elevator," Jake replied.</p> + +<p>"Wait, I go with you," Abe said. Together they walked rapidly toward the +freight elevator, which opened into the cutting-room, but before they +reached the door a shrill outcry rose from the floor below.</p> + +<p>The East Side slogan of woe, "Oi gewalt," blended with women's shrieks, +and at length came the cry: "Fie-urr! Fie-urr!"</p> + +<p>Simultaneously Miss Cohen, the bookkeeper, lifted up her voice in +strident despair while a great cloud of black smoke puffed from the +elevator shaft, and the next moment Abe, Morris, Jake and the half-dozen +cutters were pushing their way downstairs, elbowed by a frenzied mob of +operators, male and female. When they arrived at the ground floor the +engines were clanging around the corner, and Abe and Morris ran across +the street to the opposite sidewalk. Suddenly an inarticulate cry +escaped Abe and he sank onto a convenient dry-goods box.</p> + +<p>"What's the trouble, Abe?" Morris asked. "Are you sick?"</p> + +<p>"The policies!" Abe croaked, and closed his eyes.<!-- Page 285 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_285" id="Page_285">[Pg 285]</a></span> When he opened +them a minute later his partner grinned at him reassuringly.</p> + +<p>"I got 'em in my breast pocket, Abe," Morris said. "As soon as I seen +the smoke I grabbed 'em, and I locked up the safe with the books +inside."</p> + +<p>Abe revived immediately.</p> + +<p>"That reminds me, Mawruss," he said as he took a cigar from his +waistcoat pocket: "What become of Miss Cohen?"</p> + +<p>Twenty minutes later the fire was extinguished, and Abe and Morris +returned to their loft. The first person to greet them was +Miss Cohen, and, aside from a slight careening of her pompadour, +she seemed none the worse for her dangerous experience.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Potash," she said in businesslike tones, "the Longchamps Store +just rung up and says about them garments what they returned that it was +all a mistake, and that they was all right and you should reship 'em +right away."</p> + +<p>The show-room was flooded with sunlight and a mild spring breeze had +almost dissipated the acrid smell of smoke.</p> + +<p>"What did I tell you, Mawruss?" Abe said. "Feinholz is like them suckers +in Kansas City. He was scared he couldn't sell them capes in wet +weather, and now it's cleared up fine he wants 'em bad, Mawruss. I'll go +and see what happened to 'em."</p> + +<p>He hustled off toward the rear of the loft while Morris turned to +Miss Cohen.</p> + +<p>"<!-- Page 286 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_286" id="Page_286">[Pg 286]</a></span>Well, Miss Cohen," he said, "how did you make out by the +fire just now?"</p> + +<p>Miss Cohen blushed and patted her pompadour.</p> + +<p>"Oh, Mr. Perlmutter," she said, "I was scared stiff, and +Mr. Margulies, the expressman, pretty near carried me up to the +roof and we stays there till the fireman says we should come down."</p> + +<p>"And where's Margulies?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>"He's gone back to the cutting-room," Miss Cohen replied. "When he +seen the smoke coming up he shuts quick the iron door on the freight +elevator and everything's all right in the cutting-room, only a little +water by the elevator shaft."</p> + +<p>"And how about the packages from Feinholz?" Morris continued. But before +Miss Cohen could reply Abe burst into the show-room with a broad +grin on his face.</p> + +<p>"That's a good joke on Feinholz, Mawruss," he said. "All the fire was in +the elevator shaft and them garments what he returned it us is nothing +but ashes."</p> + +<p>"But, Abe," Morris began, when the telephone bell trilled impatiently. +Abe took up the receiver.</p> + +<p>"Hallo!" he said. "Yes, this is Potash. Oh, hallo, Feinholz!"</p> + +<p>"Say, Potash," Feinholz said at the other end of the wire, "we got the +store full of people here. Couldn't you send up them capes right away?"</p> + +<p>Abe put his hand over the mouthpiece of the 'phone.</p> + +<p>"<!-- Page 287 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_287" id="Page_287">[Pg 287]</a></span>It's Feinholz," he said to Morris. "He wants them capes right +away. What shall I tell him?"</p> + +<p>"Tell him nothing," Morris cried. "The first thing you know you will say +something to that feller, and he sues us yet for damages because we +didn't deliver the goods."</p> + +<p>Abe hesitated for a minute.</p> + +<p>"You talk to him," he said at length.</p> + +<p>Morris seized the receiver from his partner.</p> + +<p>"Hallo, Feinholz," he yelled. "We don't want nothing to say to you at +all. We are through with you. That's all. Good-by."</p> + +<p>He hung up the receiver and turned to Abe.</p> + +<p>"When I deal with a crook like Feinholz," he said, "I'm afraid for my +life."</p> + +<p>Ten minutes later he went out to lunch and when he returned he +brandished the early edition of an evening paper.</p> + +<p>"What you think it says here, Abe?" he cried. "It says the fire +downstairs was caused by an operator throwing a cigarettel in the +clipping bin. Ain't that a quincidence, Abe?"</p> + +<p>"I bet yer that's a quincidence," Abe replied. "A couple more of them +quincidences, Mawruss, and we got to pay double for our insurance. I +only wish we would be finished collecting on our policies for this here +quincidence, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>Morris shrugged his shoulders and was about to make a reassuring answer +when the door opened and two men entered.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 288 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_288" id="Page_288">[Pg 288]</a></span>One of them was Samuel Feder, vice-president of the Kosciusko +Bank, and the other was Louis Feinholz, proprietor of the Longchamps +Store.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," Feder cried, "what's this I hear about the fire?"</p> + +<p>"Come into the office, Mr. Feder," Abe cried, while Morris greeted +Feinholz. "Morris will be through soon."</p> + +<p>"Say, Mawruss," Feinholz said. "What's the matter with you boys? Here I +got to come downtown about them capes, and my whole store's full of +people. Why didn't you ship them capes back to me like I told you?"</p> + +<p>"Look a-here, Feinholz," Morris exclaimed in tones sufficiently loud for +Feder to overhear, "what d'ye take us for, anyhow? Greenhorns? Do you +think you can write us a dirty letter like that and then come down and +get them capes just for the asking?"</p> + +<p>"Ain't you getting touchy all of a sudden, Mawruss?" Feinholz cried +excitedly. "You had no business to deliver them goods in such rotten +weather. You know as well as I do that I couldn't use them goods till +fine weather sets in, and now I want 'em, and I want 'em bad."</p> + +<p>"Is that so?" Morris replied. "Why, I thought them garments was no good, +Feinholz. I thought them capes wasn't up to sample."</p> + +<p>"What are you talking about?" Feinholz shouted. "Them goods was all +right and the sample's all<!-- Page 289 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_289" id="Page_289">[Pg 289]</a></span> right, too. All I want now is you +should ship 'em right away. I can sell the lot this afternoon if you +only get 'em up to my store in time."</p> + +<p>Morris waved his hand deprecatingly. "S'enough, Feinholz," he said; "you +got as much show of getting them goods as though you never ordered 'em."</p> + +<p>"Why not?" Feinholz cried.</p> + +<p>"Because them goods got burned up on our freight elevator this morning," +Morris replied.</p> + +<p>"What!" Feinholz gasped.</p> + +<p>"That's what I said," Morris concluded; "and if you excuse me I got some +business to attend to."</p> + +<p>Feinholz turned and almost staggered from the store, while Morris joined +his partner and Sam Feder in the firm's office. Feder had overheard the +entire conversation and greeted Morris with a smile.</p> + +<p>"Well, Mawruss," he said, "it serves that sucker right. A feller what +confesses right up and down that the goods was all right and then he +fires them back at you just because the weather was rotten ought to be +sued yet."</p> + +<p>"What do we care?" Abe replied. "We got 'em insured, and so long as we +get our money out of 'em we would rather not be bothered with him."</p> + +<p>"Did you have any other damages, boys?" Feder asked, with a solicitude +engendered of a ten-thousand-dollar accommodation to Potash & +Perlmutter's debit on the books of the Kosciusko Bank.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 290 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_290" id="Page_290">[Pg 290]</a></span>"Otherwise, everything is O. K.," Morris replied cheerfully. +Together they conducted Feder on a tour of their premises and, after he +was quite reassured, they presented him with a good cigar and ushered +him into the elevator.</p> + +<p>"I guess you put your foot in it with Feinholz, Mawruss," Abe said after +Feder had departed. "How can we go to that kid nephew of his now and ask +him to adjust the loss, Mawruss?"</p> + +<p>Morris arched his eyebrows and stared at his partner.</p> + +<p>"What's the matter with you, anyway, Abe?" he asked. "Ain't J. Blaustein +good enough for you? Ain't J. Blaustein always done it our insurance +business up to now all O. K., Abe? And now that we got it our very first +fire, why should you want to throw Blaustein down?"</p> + +<p>Abe put on his hat thoroughly abashed.</p> + +<p>"I thought we got to get Rudy Feinholz to adjust it the loss," he said. +"Otherwise, I wouldn't of suggested it. But, anyway, I will go right +down to Blaustein and see what he says."</p> + +<p>Morris jumped to his feet.</p> + +<p>"Wait," he said; "I'll go with you."</p> + +<p>Half an hour afterward Abe and Morris were seated in J. Blaustein's +office on Pine Street, recounting the details of the fire.</p> + +<p>"How many garments was there?" Blaustein asked.</p> + +<p>"Forty-eight, and we figured it up the loss at<!-- Page 291 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_291" id="Page_291">[Pg 291]</a></span> twelve-fifty +apiece," Morris explained. "That's what we billed 'em to Feinholz for."</p> + +<p>Blaustein frowned.</p> + +<p>"But look a-here, Perlmutter," he said: "them insurance companies won't +pay you what you were going to sell them garments for. They'll only pay +you what they cost to make up. They'll figure it: so much +cloth—say, fifty dollars; so much trimmings—say, forty +dollars; so much labor—say, thirty dollars; and that's the way it +goes."</p> + +<p>"But how could we prove that to the company, Mr. Blaustein?" Abe +protested. "There ain't enough left of them garments to show even what +color they was."</p> + +<p>Blaustein rose to his feet.</p> + +<p>"Well, gentlemen," he said, "we'll discuss that later. The first thing +we must do is to go up and see young Feinholz. That Farmers and +Ranchers' Insurance Company is a pretty close corporation. Louis +Feinholz's brother out in Arizona is the president, and they got such a +board of directors that if they printed the names on the back of the +policy it would look like the roster of an East Side free-burial +society. Also, this here Rudy Feinholz what acted as your broker is also +general agent, adjuster and office manager for the Metropolitan +District; and, taking it by and large, youse gentlemen is lucky you come +to me instead of him to adjust this loss."</p> + +<p>Rudy Feinholz's insurance business occupied what had once been the front +parlor of a high-stoop brown-stone<!-- Page 292 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_292" id="Page_292">[Pg 292]</a></span> residence. Similarly the +basement dining-room had been converted into a delicatessen store, and +the smoked meats, pickles, cheese and spices with which it was stocked +provided rather a strange atmosphere for the Metropolitan Agency of the +Farmers and Ranchers' Insurance Company. Moreover, the Italian barber +who rented the quondam back parlor was given to practicing on the +mandolin; and when Abe, Morris and J. Blaustein entered the Metropolitan +Agency a very imperfect rendition of Santa Lucia came through the +partition and made conversation difficult for the Metropolitan agent.</p> + +<p>"What d'ye say if we all go round to the Longchamps," he said, "and talk +things over."</p> + +<p>"I'm agreeable," Morris said, looking at his partner.</p> + +<p>"Sure thing," Blaustein replied. "That delicatessen store smell is so +thick around here that I'm getting ptomaine poisoning."</p> + +<p>"But," Abe protested, "maybe Louis Feinholz don't want us round there. +We ain't on the best of terms with Louis."</p> + +<p>"That's all right," Rudy Feinholz said. "I arranged with him to bring +you round there. Uncle Louis is a heavy stockholder in the Farmers and +Ranchers', and——"</p> + +<p>"S'enough!" Morris cried. "I hear enough about the family history of +this here Farmers and Ranchers. It wouldn't make no difference to me if +your mother was the vice-president and your sister the secretary.<!-- +Page 293 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_293" id="Page_293">[Pg 293]</a></span> All I want is we should settle this thing up."</p> + +<p>"Well, come along, then," Rudy cried, and the two brokers and their +clients repaired to Feinholz's store. Abe and Morris entered not without +trepidation, but Louis received them with unaffected amiability.</p> + +<p>"Well, Mawruss," he said, "that's too bad you got a fire in your place."</p> + +<p>"We can stand it," Morris replied. "We was insured."</p> + +<p>Feinholz rejoined: "Yes, you was insured by your loft, but you wasn't +insured by your freight elevator."</p> + +<p>"But by the rules of the Fire Insurance Exchange," Blaustein +interrupted, "when a policy reads——"</p> + +<p>"What do we care about the Fire Insurance Exchange?" Feinholz broke in. +"The Farmers and Ranchers' ain't members of the Fire Insurance Exchange. +We got a license to do business from the Superintendent of Insurance, +and we don't give a cent for the Fire Insurance Exchange. We insured it +the loft, and the goods was burnt in the freight elevator."</p> + +<p>Abe jumped to his feet.</p> + +<p>"Do you mean," he cried, "that you ain't going to pay us nothing for our +fire?"</p> + +<p>"That's what I mean," Feinholz declared.</p> + +<p>Morris turned to Abe.</p> + +<p>"Come, Abe," he said, "we'll take Feder's advice."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 294 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_294" id="Page_294">[Pg 294]</a></span>"Feder's advice?" Feinholz repeated. "You mean that feller what +I seen it in your store this morning?"</p> + +<p>"That's what I mean," Morris replied. "Feder says to us we should take +it his lawyers, McMaster, Peddle & Crane, and he would see to it +that they wouldn't charge us much."</p> + +<p>Feinholz smiled.</p> + +<p>"But the Farmers and Ranchers' Insurance Company got also a good +lawyer," he said triumphantly.</p> + +<p>"Maybe they have," Morris admitted, "but we ain't got nothing to do with +the Farmers and Ranchers' Insurance Company now. We take it Feder's +lawyers and sue you, Feinholz. Feder hears it all what you got to say, +and he is willing to go on the stand and swear that you says that the +goods was all right and the sample was all right. I guess when a banker +and a gentleman like Feder swears something you could get all the Henry +D. Feldmans in the world and it wouldn't make no difference."</p> + +<p>Feinholz passed his hand over his forehead and breathed hard.</p> + +<p>"Maybe we could settle the matter, Rudy," he said to his nephew, "if the +other companies what they are insured by would contribute their share."</p> + +<p>"The other companies," Morris announced, "is got nothing to do with it. +You fired them goods back at us, and that's the reason why they got +damaged. So, we wouldn't ask for a cent from the other companies."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 295 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_295" id="Page_295">[Pg 295]</a></span>"Then it is positively all off," cried Feinholz as one of his +saleswomen entered. She held a familiar garment in her hand, and in the +dim light of Feinholz's private office the buttons and soutache with +which the cape was adorned sparkled like burnished gold.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Feinholz," she said, "a lady saw this on one of the racks and +she wants to know how much it costs."</p> + +<p>Morris eyed the cape for one hesitating moment, and then he sprang to +his feet and snatched it from the astonished saleswoman.</p> + +<p>"You tell the customer," he said, "that this here cape ain't for sale."</p> + +<p>He rolled it into a tight bundle and thrust it under his coat.</p> + +<p>"Now, Feinholz," he declared calmly, "I got you just where I want you. +Feder is willing to go on the stand and swear that you said them goods +was up to sample, and this here is the sample. Any feller what knows +anything about the cloak and suit trade could tell in a minute that +these here samples costed twenty-five dollars to make up. Forty-eight +times twenty-five is twelve hundred dollars, and so sure as you are +sitting there, Feinholz, Abe and me will commence suit against you for +twelve hundred dollars the first thing to-morrow morning, unless we get +it a certified check from the Farmers and Ranchers' Insurance Company +for six hundred dollars, which is the price what you agreed to pay us +for the garments."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 296 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_296" id="Page_296">[Pg 296]</a></span>A moment later Blaustein and Abe followed him to the sidewalk.</p> + +<p>"Well, Blaustein," Morris asked as they walked to the elevated railroad, +on their way home, "what do you think of it all? Huh?"</p> + +<p>"I think it's a good bluff you are making," Blaustein replied, "but it +may work. So, if you come right down to my office I'll fix up your proof +of loss and send it up to him this afternoon."</p> + +<p>The next morning Abe and Morris reached their loft a good hour ahead of +the letter-carrier, and when he entered they both made a grab for the +mail which he handed them. Morris won out, and as he shuffled the +letters with the deftness of long pinochle experience he emitted a cry.</p> + +<p>"What is it?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>For answer Morris tore open a long yellow envelope and flicked it up and +down between his thumb and finger until a small piece of paper fluttered +to the carpet. Abe swooped down on it immediately and ran to the office, +hugging it to his breast. It was a certified check for six hundred +dollars.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," Morris said as he filled out a deposit slip of the +Kosciusko Bank, "there's one feller comes out of this deal pretty lucky, +all considering."</p> + +<p>"Who's that, Mawruss?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"The rutt honn Earl of Warrington," Morris replied.</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <p><!-- Page 297 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_297" id="Page_297">[Pg 297]</a></span></p> <h2>CHAPTER XIV</h2> <br /> <br /> <p>Abe Potash entered the firm's private office +one morning in mid-September and deliberately removed his hat and coat. +As he did so he emitted groans calculated to melt the heart of the most +hardened medical practitioner, but Morris Perlmutter remained entirely +unmoved.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," he said, "you've been making a hog of yourself again. Ain't +it? Sol Klinger says he seen you over to the Harlem Winter Garden, and I +suppose you bought it such a fine supper you couldn't sleep a wink all +night. What?"</p> + +<p>Abe started to draw himself up to his full five feet three, but lumbago +brooks no hauteur, and he subsided into the nearest chair with a low, +expressive "Oo-ee!"</p> + +<p>"That's a heart you got it, Mawruss," he declared bitterly, "like a +stone. I drunk it nothing but lithia water and some dry toast, which +them suckers got the nerve to charge me fifty cents for."</p> + +<p>"Well, why don't you seen it a doctor, Abe?" Morris said. "You could +monkey with yourself a whole lifetime, Abe, and it would never do you no +good; whilst if you seen it a doctor, Abe, he gives you a little pinch +of powder, y'understand, and in five minutes you are a well man."</p> + +<p>Abe sighed heavily.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 298 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_298" id="Page_298">[Pg 298]</a></span>"It don't go so quick, Mawruss," he replied. "I seen a doctor +this morning and he says I am full from rheumatism. I dassen't do +nothing, Mawruss, I dassen't touch coffee or schnapps. I dassen't eat no +meat but lamb chops and chicken."</p> + +<p>"I tasted worser things already as lamb chops and chicken, Abe," Morris +retorted.</p> + +<p>"And the worstest thing of all, Mawruss," Abe concluded, "the doctor +says he wouldn't be responsible for my life already if I go out on the +road."</p> + +<p>"What?" Morris exclaimed. In less than two weeks Abe was due to leave on +his Western trip, and for the past few days Morris had been in the +throes of preparing the sample line.</p> + +<p>"This is a fine time for you to get sick, Abe," he cried.</p> + +<p>"Could I help it, Mawruss?" Abe protested. "You talk like I got the +rheumatism to spite you, Mawruss. Believe me, Mawruss, I ain't so stuck +on staying in the store here with you, Mawruss. I could prefer it a +million times to be out on the road."</p> + +<p>He rose to his feet with another hollow groan.</p> + +<p>"But, anyway, Mawruss, it won't help matters none if we sit around here +all the morning. We got to get it somebody to sell our line, because +even if, to hear you talk, the goods do sell themselves when <i>I</i> go out +with them, Mawruss, we couldn't take no chances on some kid salesman. We +got to get it a first-class A Number One feller what wouldn't fool away +his time."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 299 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_299" id="Page_299">[Pg 299]</a></span>"Well, why don't you put it an ad in the Daily Cloak and Suit +Record, Abe?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>"I put it in last night already," Abe replied, "and I bet yer we get it +a million answers by the first mail this afternoon."</p> + +<p>For the remainder of the morning Morris busied himself with the sample +line, while Abe moved slowly about the show-room, well within the +hearing of his partner, and moaned piteously at frequent intervals. +Every half-hour he cleared his throat with a rasping noise and, when he +had secured Morris' attention, ostentatiously swallowed a large gelatine +capsule and rolled his eyes upward in what he conceived to be an +expression of acute agony. At length Morris could stand it no longer.</p> + +<p>"What are we running here, anyway, Abe?" he asked. "A cloak and suit +business or a hospital? If you are such a sick man, Abe, why don't you +go home?"</p> + +<p>"Must I got to get your permission to be sick, Mawruss?" Abe asked. +"Couldn't I take it maybe a bit of medicine oncet in a while if I want +to, Mawruss?"</p> + +<p>He snorted indignantly, but further discussion was prevented by the +entrance of the letter-carrier, and immediately Abe and Morris forgot +their differences in an examination of the numerous letters that were +the fruit of the advertisement.</p> + +<p>"Don't let's waste no time over fellers we don't know nothing about, +Abe," Morris suggested as he<!-- Page 300 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_300" id="Page_300">[Pg 300]</a></span> tossed one envelope into the +waste-paper basket. "Here's a feller called Rutherford B. H. Horowitz, +what says he used to be a suit-buyer in Indianapolis. Ever hear of him, +Abe?"</p> + +<p>"We don't want no fellers what used to be buyers, Mawruss," Abe +retorted. "What we want is fellers what is cloak and suit salesmen. +Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"Well, here's a feller by the name Arthur Katzen, Abe," Morris went on. +"Did y'ever hear of him, Abe?"</p> + +<p>"Sure I know him, Mawruss," Abe replied. "You know him, too, Mawruss. +That's a feller by the name Osher Katzenelenbogen, what used to work for +us as buttonhole-maker when we was new beginners already. Two years ago, +I met that feller in the Yates House and I says to him: 'Hallo,' I says, +'ain't you Osher Katzenelenbogen?' And he says: 'Excuse me,' he says, +'you got the advantage from me,' he says. 'My name is Arthur Katzen,' he +says; and I assure you, Mawruss, the business that feller was doing, +Mawruss, was the sole topic what everybody was talking about."</p> + +<p>Morris waved his hand deprecatingly.</p> + +<p>"I seen lots of them topics in my time already, Abe," he commented. +"Topics what went up with red fire already and come down like sticks. +That's the way it goes in this business, Abe. A feller gets a little +streak of luck, and everybody goes to work and pats him on the back and +tells him he's a great salesman."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 301 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_301" id="Page_301">[Pg 301]</a></span>"But mind you, Mawruss, Arthur Katzen was a good salesman then +and is a good salesman to-day yet. The only trouble with him is that +he's a gambler, Mawruss. That feller would sooner play auction pinochle +than eat, and that's the reason why he could never hold it a job."</p> + +<p>"Why shouldn't he hold a job, Abe?" Morris asked. "If I would have a +crackerjack drummer, for my part he could play the whole book of Hoyle, +from <i>klabbias</i> to <i>stuss</i>, and it wouldn't affect me none so long as he +sold the goods."</p> + +<p>"Maybe you're right, Mawruss," Abe admitted. "But when a feller fools +away his time at auction pinochle his business is bound to suffer." +"Well, then, here's a feller answers by the name Mozart Rabiner," Morris +continued. "Did y'ever hear of him, Abe?"</p> + +<p>"If you mean Moe Rabiner, Mawruss," Abe replied. "I never knew his name +was Mozart before, Mawruss, but there was a feller by the name Moe +Rabiner what used to work for Sammet Brothers, Mawruss, and that feller +could make the pianner fairly talk, Mawruss. If he could only get a lady +buyer up against a pianner, Mawruss, he could sell her every time."</p> + +<p>Morris tore up Mozart's application.</p> + +<p>"So long as a feller fools away his time, Abe," he said, "it don't make +no difference either he plays auction pinochle or either he plays the +pianner. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p><!-- Page 302 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_302" id="Page_302">[Pg 302]</a></span>He opened another envelope and scanned the enclosed missive.</p> + +<p>"This sounds good to me, Abe," he said, and handed the letter to his +partner. It read as follows:</p> <br /> <br /> <table class="tspec2" summary="correspondence"> <tr> <td class="tdright" colspan="2">4042 <span class="smcap">Prospect Ave</span>., September 18/08.</td> </tr> <tr> +<td class="tdleft" colspan="2"><span class="smcap">Messrs Potash & Perlmutter</span>,</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft" colspan="2"><i>Gents</i>:—Seeing your ad in to +days Record and in reply would beg to state am a first class, womans +outer garment salesman selling only to the high class trade. Was for +three years with one of the largest concerns in the trade traveling to +the coast and making Tooson, Denver, Shyenne and Butte, selling the best +houses in Frisco, Portland, Seattle, Los Angles, Fresno &c. &c. +&c. <i>Am all for business and can give A 1 references.</i> At present am +unnattached but expect quick action as am neggotiating with one of the +largest speciality houses in the trade. <i>Ask no favors of nobody but +results will show.</i> </td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft"></td> <td class="tdcenter">Yours truly</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft"></td> <td class="tdright"><span class="smcap">Marks Pasinsky</span>.</td> </tr> </table> <br /> <br /> <p>"By jimminy!" +Abe cried after he had finished reading the letter. "That's the feller +we want to hire it, Mawruss. Let's write him to call."</p> + +<p>It would hardly be violating Marks Pasinsky's confidence to disclose +that he held himself to be a forceful man. He never spoke save in +italics, and when he shook hands with anyone the recipient of the honor +felt it for the rest of the day. Abe watched Morris undergo the ordeal +and plunged his hands in his trousers' pockets.</p> + +<p>"And this is Mr. Potash," Pasinsky cried, releasing his grip on +Morris and extending his hand toward Abe.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 303 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_303" id="Page_303">[Pg 303]</a></span>"How d'ye do?" Abe said without removing his hands. "I think I +seen you oncet before already in Mandleberger Brothers & Co., in +Chicago."</p> + +<p>"I presume you did," Marks Pasinsky replied. "Ed Mandleberger and me +married cousins. That is to say, my wife's mother's sister is a +sister-in-law to a brother of Ed Mandleberger's wife's mother."</p> + +<p>"Huh, huh," Abe murmured. "Do you know Simon Kuhner, buyer for their +cloak department?"</p> + +<p>Marks Pasinsky sat down and fixed Abe with an incredulous smile.</p> + +<p>"A question!" he exclaimed. "Do I know him? Every afternoon, when I am +in Chicago, Simon and me drinks coffee together."</p> + +<p>Abe and Morris looked at each other with glances of mixed wonder and +delight.</p> + +<p>"I'll tell you another feller I'm intimate with, too," he said. "Do you +know Charles I Fichter, cloak buyer for Gardner, Baum & Miller, +in Seattle?"</p> + +<p>Abe nodded. He had been vainly trying to sell Fichter a bill of goods +since 1898.</p> + +<p>"Well, Charlie and me was delegates to the National Grand Lodge of the +Independent Order Mattai Aaron, and I nominated Charlie for Grand +Scribe. The way it come about was this, if you'd care to hear about it."</p> + +<p>"That's all right," Morris interrupted. "We take your word for it. The +point is, could you sell it him a big bill of goods, maybe?"</p> + +<p><!-- Page 304 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_304" id="Page_304">[Pg 304]</a></span>Marks Pasinsky leaned back in his chair and laughed +uproariously.</p> + +<p>"Why, Mr. Perlmutter," he said, all out of breath from his mirth, +"that feller is actually putting his job in danger because he's holding +off in his fall buying until I get to Seattle. Fichter wouldn't buy not +a dollar's worth of goods from nobody else but me, not if you was to +make him a present of them for nothing."</p> + +<p>He gave many more instances of his friendship with cloak and suit +buyers. For example, it appeared that he knew Rudolph Rosenwater, buyer +for Feigenson & Schiffer, of San Francisco, to the extent of an +anecdote containing a long, intimate dialogue wherein Rosenwater +commenced all his speeches with: "Well, Markie."</p> + +<p>"And so I says to him," Pasinsky concluded, "'Rudie, you are all right,' +I says, 'but you can't con me.'"</p> + +<p>He looked from Abe to Morris and beamed with satisfaction. They were in +a condition of partial hypnotism, which became complete after Pasinsky +had concluded a ten-minutes' discourse on cloak and suit affairs. He +spoke with a fluency and emphasis that left Abe and Morris literally +gasping like landed fish, although, to be sure, the manner of his +discourse far outshone the matter.</p> + +<p>But his auditors were much too dazed to be critical. They were cognizant +of only one circumstance: If this huge personage with his wonderful +magnetism<!-- Page 305 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_305" id="Page_305">[Pg 305]</a></span> and address couldn't sell goods, nobody could.</p> + +<p>Pasinsky rose to his feet. He was six feet in height, and weighed over +two hundred pounds.</p> + +<p>"Well, gentlemen," he said, towering over his proposed employers, "think +it over and see if you want me. I'll be back at noon."</p> + +<p>"Hold on a minute," Abe cried. "You ain't told us nothing about who you +worked for last. What were all them references you was telling us +about?"</p> + +<p>Pasinsky regarded Abe with a smile of amusement.</p> + +<p>"I'll tell you, Mr. Potash, it's like this," he explained. "Of +course you want to know who I worked for and all about it."</p> + +<p>Abe nodded.</p> + +<p>"But the way I feel about it," Marks Pasinsky went on, "is that if you +advance my expenses for two weeks, understand me, and I go out with your +sample line, understand me, if you don't owe me a thousand dollars +commissions at the end of that time, then I don't want to work for you +at all."</p> + +<p>Morris' jaw dropped and he wiped beads of perspiration from his +forehead.</p> + +<p>"But who did you sell goods for?" Abe insisted.</p> + +<p>Marks Pasinsky bent down and placed his hand on Abe's shoulder.</p> + +<p>"B. Gans," he whispered.</p> + +<p>"Let me in on this, too, Abe," Morris exclaimed.</p> + +<p>"He says he worked for B. Gans," Abe replied.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 306 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_306" id="Page_306">[Pg 306]</a></span>"That's an A Number One concern, Abe," Morris said.</p> + +<p>"A <i>A</i> Number One," Pasinsky corrected. "B. Gans ain't got a garment in +his entire line that retails for less than a hundred dollars."</p> + +<p>"Well, we ain't so tony as all that," Morris commented. "We got it one +or two garments, Mr. Pasinsky—just one or two, +y'understand—which retails for ninety-nine dollars and +ninety-eight cents, y'understand. So, naturally, you couldn't expect to +sell the same class of trade for us as you sold it for B. Gans."</p> + +<p>"Naturally," Pasinsky agreed loftily, "but when a salesman is a +salesman, Mr. Perlmutter, he ain't content to sell a line of goods +which sells themselves, so to speak, like B. Gans' line. He wants to +handle such a line like you got it, Mr. Perlmutter, which is got to +be pushed and pushed good and plenty. If I wouldn't handle an inferior +line oncet in a while, Mr. Perlmutter, I would quick get out of +practice."</p> + +<p>Morris snorted.</p> + +<p>"If our line don't suit you, Mr. Pasinsky," he began, when Abe +interrupted with a wave of his hand.</p> + +<p>"Pasinsky is right, Mawruss," he said. "You always got it an idee you +made up a line of goods what pratically sold themselves, and I always +told you differencely. You wouldn't mind it if I went around to see B. +Gans, Mr. Pasinsky."</p> + +<p>Pasinsky stared superciliously at Abe.</p> + +<p>"Go as far as you like," he said. "Gans wouldn't<!-- Page 307 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_307" id="Page_307">[Pg 307]</a></span> tell you +nothing but good of me. But if I would work for you one week, +Mr. Potash, you would know that with me recommendations is nix and +results everything."</p> + +<p>He blew his nose like a challenge and clapped his silk hat on his +flowing black curls. Then he bowed to Morris, and the next moment the +elevator door clanged behind him.</p> + +<p>B. Gans guided himself by the maxim: "In business you couldn't trust +nobody to do nothing," and albeit he employed over a hundred workmen he +gave practical demonstrations of their duties to all of them. Thus, on +the last of the month he made out statements in the office, and when the +shipping department was busy he helped tie up packages. Occasionally he +would be found wielding a pressing iron, and when Abe Potash entered to +inquire about Pasinsky's qualifications B. Gans had just smashed his +thumb in the process of showing a shipping clerk precisely how a +packing-case ought to be nailed.</p> + +<p>"What's the matter, Gans?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"Couldn't you afford it to hire shipping clerks no more?"</p> + +<p>"I want to tell you something, Potash," Gans replied. "Jay Vanderbilt +ain't got money enough to hire it a good shipping clerk, because for the +simple reason there ain't no good shipping clerks. A shipping clerk +ain't no good, otherwise he wouldn't be a shipping clerk."</p> + +<p>"How about drummers?" Abe asked. "I ain't<!-- Page 308 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_308" id="Page_308">[Pg 308]</a></span> come to ask you about +shipping clerks, Gans; I come to ask you about a drummer."</p> + +<p>"What should you ask me about drummers for, Potash?" Gans replied. "You +know as well as I do what drummers is, Potash. Drummers is bluffs. I +wouldn't give a pinch of snuff for the best drummers living. The way +drummers figure it out nowadays, Potash, there ain't no more money in +commissions. All the money is in the expense account."</p> + +<p>Abe laughed.</p> + +<p>"I guess you got a tale of woe to tell about designers and models, too, +Gans," he said; "but with me, Gans, so long as a salesman could sell +goods I don't take it so particular when it comes right down to the +expense account."</p> + +<p>"Oh, if they sell goods, Potash," Gans agreed, "then that's something +else again. But the way business is to-day, Potash, salesmen don't sell +goods no more. Former times a salesman wasn't considered a salesman +unless he could sell a customer goods what the customer didn't want; but +nowadays it don't make no difference what kind of salesman you hire it, +Potash, the goods is got to sell themselves, otherwise the salesman +can't do no business. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"But take a salesman like Marks Pasinsky, for instance," Abe said. +"There's a feller what can sell goods. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>B. Gans looked up sharply.</p> + +<p>"<!-- Page 309 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_309" id="Page_309">[Pg 309]</a></span>Did Marks Pasinsky send you here?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Well, he give you as a reference," Abe replied.</p> + +<p>"All right," B. Gans continued. "You tell Marks Pasinsky from me that I +says he's a good salesman and that why he left me was by mutual +consent."</p> + +<p>"Sure," Abe said, "but I wanted to ask you more about Pasinsky. You see, +Pasinsky wants to come to work by us as salesman, and I want to find out +a few things about him first."</p> + +<p>"Well, I'm just telling you, ain't I?" Gans replied. "I said Marks +Pasinsky was a good salesman and the reason why he left me was by mutual +consent; and you tell Pasinsky that that's what I said it, and if you'll +excuse me I got business to attend to."</p> + +<p>He turned away and fairly ran toward the rear of the loft, while Abe, +now thoroughly mystified, returned to his place of business.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," Morris cried as his partner entered. "What for a reference +did you get it from B. Gans?"</p> + +<p>"The reference is all right, Mawruss," Abe replied. "B. Gans says that +Pasinsky is a good salesman and that the reason he left was by mutual +consent."</p> + +<p>"Mutual consent?" Morris exclaimed. "What kind of reasons is that for +firing a feller?"</p> + +<p>"Gans didn't fire him, Mawruss," Abe said. "He left by mutual consent."</p> + +<p>"I know, Abe," Morris rejoined, "but when a feller quits by mutual +consent you know as well as I<!-- Page 310 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_310" id="Page_310">[Pg 310]</a></span> do, Abe, what that means. It means +that if I should say to Jake, the shipping clerk, 'Jake, you are a +rotten shipping clerk and I don't want you no more, and if you don't get +right out of here I will kick you out,' and then Jake says to me, 'In +that case you could take your dirty job and give it to some poor sucker +what wants it more as I do,' then Jake quits by mutual consent. Ain't +it?"</p> + +<p>Abe stared indignantly at his partner.</p> + +<p>"I'm surprised to hear you you should talk that way, Mawruss, about a +decent, respectable young feller what works so hard like Jake does," he +said. "That only goes to show what a judge you are. If you couldn't tell +it a good shipping clerk when you see one, how should you know anything +about salesmen? B. Gans says that Pasinsky is a good salesman, Mawruss, +and you can do what you like about it; I'm going to hire him, Mawruss, +when he comes back here."</p> + +<p>"Go ahead, Abe," Morris retorted. "Only, if things shouldn't turn out O. +K. you shouldn't blame me. That's all."</p> + +<p>"I wouldn't blame you, Mawruss," Abe said. "All I would blame you is if +you wouldn't have our sample line in good shape by next week, because I +want Pasinsky to leave here by Monday sure."</p> + +<p>"Don't you worry about them samples, Abe," Morris cried.</p> + +<p>"Them samples is good enough to sell themselves; and the way I figure it +out, they got to sell themselves,<!-- Page 311 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_311" id="Page_311">[Pg 311]</a></span> Abe, because I don't believe +Pasinsky could sell nothing to nobody."</p> + +<p>"You don't believe nothing, Mawruss," Abe concluded as he made for the +cutting-room; "you're a regular amethyst."</p> + +<p>"With a feller like Kuhner," Marks Pasinsky declared on the following +Monday, "you couldn't be a cheap skate, Mr. Potash."</p> + +<p>"I always sold it Kuhner, too," Abe replied; "but I never spent it so +much as three hundred dollars in one week in Chicago."</p> + +<p>"Sure, I know," Pasinsky agreed, "but how much did you sell Kuhner? A +thousand or two thousand at the outside. With me, Mr. Potash, I +wouldn't bother myself to stop off in Chicago at all if I couldn't land +at least a five-thousand-dollar order from Simon Kuhner, of Mandleberger +Brothers & Co., and we will say four thousand with Chester +Prosnauer, of the Arcade Mercantile Company."</p> + +<p>It lacked half an hour of Marks Pasinsky's train-time, and, in addition, +Abe had grown a little weary of his parting instructions to his +newly-hired salesman. Indeed, the interview had lasted all the forenoon, +and it would have been difficult to decide who was doing the +instructing.</p> + +<p>"S'enough," Abe cried. "Let's make an end. I'll speak to my partner +about it, and if he says it's all right I'm agreeable."</p> + +<p>He repaired to the cutting-room, where Morris chafed at the delay in +Pasinsky's departure.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 312 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_312" id="Page_312">[Pg 312]</a></span>"Ain't that feller gone yet, Abe?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"I'm just giving him a few last advices," Abe replied.</p> + +<p>"Well, I hope you're more successful as I was, Abe," Morris rejoined. +"That feller's got so much to say for himself I couldn't get a word in +sideways."</p> + +<p>Abe nodded.</p> + +<p>"He's a good talker," he said, "only he's too ambitious, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"He shouldn't get ambitious around me, Abe," Morris retorted, "because I +wouldn't stand for it. What's he getting ambitious with you about?"</p> + +<p>"Well, he wants it three hundred dollars for expenses one week in +Chicago already," Abe answered.</p> + +<p>"What!" Morris cried.</p> + +<p>"He says he got to do some tall entertaining, Mawruss," Abe went on, +"because he expects to sell Simon Kuhner a five-thousand-dollars bill of +goods, and the Arcade Mercantile Company also five thousand."</p> + +<p>"Say, looky here, Abe: I want to tell you something," Morris broke in. +"Of course, this ain't my affair nor nothing, because you got the +rheumatism and it's your funeral. Also, I am only a partner here, +y'understand, and what I says goes for nix. But the way it looks to me +now, Abe, if this here Pasinsky sells all the goods he talks about, Abe, +we will got to have four times more capital as we are working with now. +And if he spends it three hundred dollars in every town he makes we +wouldn't<!-- Page 313 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_313" id="Page_313">[Pg 313]</a></span> have no capital left at all. And that's the way it +goes."</p> + +<p>He turned and strode angrily away, while Abe went back to the show-room.</p> + +<p>"Well, Pasinsky," he said, "I decided I would take a chance and advance +you the three hundred; but you got to do the business, Pasinsky, +otherwise it is all off."</p> + +<p>Pasinsky nodded and tucked away the yellowbacks which Abe gave him.</p> + +<p>"All you've got to do, Mr. Potash, is to fill the orders," he said, +extending his hand to Abe, "and I will do the rest. And now good-by and +good luck to you."</p> + +<p>He squeezed Abe's hand until it was completely numb, and with a parting +nod to Miss Cohen, the bookkeeper, he started on his journey for +the West.</p> + +<p>"You would thought, Mawruss," Abe said afterward, "that he was staying +home and that it was me what goes away on the trip."</p> + +<p>"I wish you was, Abe," Morris replied fervently. "I ain't got no +confidence in that feller at all."</p> + +<p>"I wouldn't knock the feller until I seen what he could do, Mawruss," +Abe said. "He promised me we should hear from him so soon as he gets +there."</p> + +<p>Four days later the expected mail arrived. Abe received the letter from +the carrier and burst it open with his thumb. Then he drew forth the +contents of the envelope and shook the folded sheet, but no order<!-- +Page 314 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_314" id="Page_314">[Pg 314]</a></span> slip fell out. He sighed heavily and perused the +letter, which read as follows:</p> <br /> <br /> <table class="tspec2" summary="correspondence"> <tr> <td class="tdright"><span class="smcap">Chicago, Ill</span>., SEP. '08.</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft"><span class="smcap">Mess +Potash & Perlmutter</span></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdleft"><i>Gents</i>:—Arrived here this A M and +things look very promising. Am informed by everybody that business is +good on the coast and prospects of big orders also very promising. Sales +have been slow here on a/c weather is very hot. Miss Schimpfer asst +buyer millinary dept Mandleberger Bros & Co says things look very +promising and expects to do a big fall business. Was two hours late +getting in to Chicago on a/c freight wreck and missed seeing Kuhner his +sister's daughter gets married and Kuhner goes to the wedding. Will see +Kuhner to morrow A M and let you know results. Have appointment with +Chester Prosnauer to morrow A M and things look very promising there. +Will write you to morrow. Regards to Mr. Perlmutter. Hoping things +is all right in the store, I am,</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tdright" colspan="2"><span class="smcap">Marks Pasinsky</span>.</td> </tr> </table> <br /> <br /> <p>Abe finished +reading the letter and handed it in silence to Morris, who examined it +closely.</p> + +<p>"That's a very promising letter, Abe," he said. "I'd like to know what +that feller done all day in Chicago. I bet yer that assistant millinery +buyer eats a good lunch on us, Abe, if she didn't also see it a theayter +on us, too. What does he think he's selling, anyway, Abe, millinery or +cloaks?"</p> + +<p>"Give the feller a show, Mawruss," Abe replied. "He ain't been in +Chicago forty-eight hours yet. We'll wait till we get it another letter +from him, Mawruss, before we start to kick."</p> + +<p>Another day elapsed, but no further epistle came<!-- Page 315 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_315" id="Page_315">[Pg 315]</a></span> from Marks +Pasinsky, and when the last mail arrived without any word from Chicago +Morris grew worried.</p> + +<p>"Not even a weather report, Abe," he said. "If he couldn't sell no +goods, Abe, at least he could write us a letter."</p> + +<p>"Maybe he's too busy, Mawruss," Abe suggested.</p> + +<p>"Busy taking assistant millinery buyers to lunch, Abe," Morris replied. +"The way that feller acts, Abe, he ain't no stranger to auction +pinochle, neither, I bet yer."</p> + +<p>Abe put on his hat and coat preparatory to going home.</p> + +<p>"What's the use knocking him yet a while, Mawruss?" he said. "A +different tune you will sing it when we get a couple of orders from him +to-morrow morning."</p> + +<p>But the next forenoon's mail was barren of result, and when Abe went out +to lunch that day he had little appetite for his food. Accordingly he +sought an enameled-brick dairy restaurant, and he was midway in the +consumption of a bowl of milk toast when Leon Sammet, senior partner of +Sammet Brothers, entered.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," he said, "do you got to diet, too?"</p> + +<p>"<i>Gott sei dank</i>, it ain't so bad as all that, Leon," Abe replied. "No, +Leon, I ain't going to die just yet a while, although that's a terrible +sickness, the rheumatism. The doctor says I could only eat it certain +things like chicken and chops and milk toast."</p> + +<p>"<!-- Page 316 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_316" id="Page_316">[Pg 316]</a></span>Well, you wouldn't starve, anyhow," Leon commented.</p> + +<p>"No, I wouldn't starve," Abe admitted, "but I also couldn't go out on +the road, neither. The doctor wouldn't let me, so we got to hire a +feller to take care of our Western trade. I guess he's a pretty good +salesman, too. His name is Marks Pasinsky. Do you know him?"</p> + +<p>"Sure I know him," Leon Sammet replied. "He used to work by B. Gans, and +he's a very close friend of a feller what used to work for us by the +name Mozart Rabiner."</p> + +<p>"You mean that musical feller?" Abe said.</p> + +<p>"That's the one," Leon answered. "I bet yer he was musical. That feller +got the artistic temperature all right, Abe. He didn't give a damn how +much of our money he spent it. Every town he makes he got to have a +pianner sent up to the hotel. Costs us every time three dollars for the +pianner and five dollars for trucking. We got it a decent salesman now, +Abe. We hired him a couple of weeks since."</p> + +<p>"What's his name?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"Arthur Katzen," Leon Sammet replied. "He had a big week last week in +Buffalo, Erie, Cleveland and Detroit. He's in Chicago this week."</p> + +<p>"Is that so?" Abe commented.</p> + +<p>"He turned us in a fine order to-day," Leon continued, "from Simon +Kuhner, of Mandleberger Brothers & Co."</p> + +<p>"What?" Abe gasped.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 317 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_317" id="Page_317">[Pg 317]</a></span>"Sure," Sammet went on, "and the funny thing about it is that +Kuhner never bought our line before, and I guess he wouldn't of bought +it now, but this here Arthur Katzen, Abe, he is sure a wonder. That +feller actually booked a five-thousand-dollar order from sample garments +which didn't belong to our line at all. They're some samples which I +understand Kuhner had made up already."</p> + +<p>"That's something what I never heard it before," Abe exclaimed.</p> + +<p>"Me neither," Leon said; "but Kuhner gives him the privilege to send us +the garments here, and we are to make up sample garments of our own so +soon as we can copy the styles; and after we ship our samples and +Kuhner's samples back to Kuhner, Kuhner sends us a confirmation. We +expect Kuhner will ship us his samples to-morrow."</p> + +<p>Abe rose wearily from his seat.</p> + +<p>"Well, Leon," he concluded, "you certainly got it more luck with your +salesman as we got it with ours. So far he ain't sent us a single, +solitary order."</p> + +<p>He passed down the aisle to the cashier's desk and had almost reached +the door when a restraining hand plucked at his coat tails.</p> + +<p>"Hallo, Abe!" a voice cried. It was Sol Klinger, whose manner of eating +crullers and coffee received and merited the unfavorable attention of +everybody seated at his table. "Sit down and have a cup of coffee."</p> + +<p>"I had it my lunch already," Abe replied.<!-- Page 318 --></p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_318" id="Page_318">[Pg 318]</a></span>"Sit down and have a cup of coffee, anyhow," Sol Klinger coaxed.</p> + +<p>"I wouldn't have no coffee," Abe said as he took the vacant chair next +to Sol. "I'll have a cup of chocolate. To a man in my conditions, Sol, +coffee is poison already."</p> + +<p>"Why, what's the matter, Abe?" Sol asked.</p> + +<p>"I'm a sick feller, Sol," Abe went on. "The rheumatism I got it all over +my body. I assure you I couldn't go out on the road this fall. I had to +hire it a salesman."</p> + +<p>"Is that so?" Sol Klinger replied. "Well, we had to hire it a new +salesman, too—a young feller by the name Moe Rabiner. Do you know +him?"</p> + +<p>"I heard about him already," Abe said. "How is he doing?"</p> + +<p>"Well, in Buffalo, last week, he ain't done hardly nothing," said Sol; +"but he's in Chicago this week and he done a little better. He sent us a +nice order this morning, I bet yer. Four thousand dollars from the +Arcade Mercantile Company."</p> + +<p>Abe was swallowing a huge mouthful of cocoa, and when Sol vouchsafed +this last piece of information the cocoa found its way to Abe's pharynx, +whence it was violently ejected into the face of a mild-mannered +errand-boy sitting opposite. The errand-boy wiped his face while Sol +slapped Abe on the back.</p> + +<p>"What's the matter, Abe?" Sol asked solicitously. "Do you got +bronchitis, too, as well as rheumatism?"</p> + +<p><!-- Page 319 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_319" id="Page_319">[Pg 319]</a></span>"Go ahead, Sol," Abe gasped. "Tell me about this here order."</p> + +<p>"There ain't much to tell, Abe," Sol went on, "except that this here +Rabiner does something I never heard about before in all my experience +in the cloak and suit business."</p> + +<p>"No?" Abe croaked. "What was that?"</p> + +<p>"Why, this here Rabiner gets an order from Prosnauer, of the Arcade +Mercantile Company, for garments what we ain't got in our line at all," +Sol Klinger explained; "and Prosnauer furnishes us the sample garments, +which we are to return to him just so soon as we can copy them, and +then——"</p> + +<p>"S'enough," Abe cried. "I heard enough, Sol. Don't rub it in."</p> + +<p>"Why, what do you mean, Abe?" Sol asked.</p> + +<p>"I mean I got it a salesman in Chicago, Sol," Abe went on, "what ain't +sent us so much as a smell of an order. I guess there's only one thing +for me to do, Sol, and that's to go myself to Chicago and see what he's +up to."</p> + +<p>Sol looked shocked.</p> + +<p>"Don't you do it, Abe," he said. "Klein got a brother-in-law what got +the rheumatism like you got it, Abe, and the feller insisted on going to +Boston. The railroad trip finished him, I bet yer."</p> + +<p>"Did he die?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"Well, no, he didn't die exactly," Klinger replied; "but on the train +the rheumatism went to his head, and that poor, sick young feller took a +whole theayter<!-- Page 320 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_320" id="Page_320">[Pg 320]</a></span> troupe into the café car and blows 'em to +tchampanyer wine yet. Two hundred dollars it costed him."</p> + +<p>"That's all right, Sol," Abe replied. "I could stand it if it stood me +in three hundred dollars, so long as I could stop Marks Pasinsky making +another town."</p> + +<p>He rose to his feet with surprising alacrity for a rheumatic patient, +and returned to his office, where no communication had been received +from Marks Pasinsky.</p> + +<p>"That settles it, Mawruss," Abe said as he jammed his hat farther down +on his head.</p> + +<p>"Where are you going now?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>"I'm going home to pack my grip," Abe announced, "and I'll get that six +o'clock train to Chicago, sure."</p> + +<p>"But, Abe," Morris protested, "I thought the doctor says if you went out +on the road he wouldn't be responsible for you."</p> + +<p>"I know he did," Abe concluded as he passed out, "but who will be +responsible for Marks Pasinsky, Mawruss?"</p> + +<p>When Abe reached Chicago the following afternoon he repaired at once to +the hotel at which Marks Pasinsky was staying.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Pasinsky ain't in his room. What?" he said to the clerk.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Pasinsky went out about one o'clock and hasn't been back +since," the clerk replied as he<!-- Page 321 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_321" id="Page_321">[Pg 321]</a></span> handed Abe over to a bell-boy. +Fifteen minutes later Abe descended from his room with the marks of +travel almost effaced, and again inquired for Marks Pasinsky.</p> + +<p>"He ain't been back since, Mr. Potash," said the clerk.</p> + +<p>"He didn't go out with nobody. No?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"I think he went out with a short, dark gentleman," the clerk answered.</p> + +<p>Abe pondered for a moment. Simon Kuhner stood full six feet tall and was +a decided blond, while Chester Prosnauer, whom he knew by sight only, +was as large as Marks Pasinsky himself.</p> + +<p>"Who could that be, I wonder?" Abe murmured.</p> + +<p>"It was a gentleman staying over at the Altringham," the clerk said.</p> + +<p>"Then it couldn't be them," Abe concluded. "If Pasinsky comes back you +should please tell him to wait. I will be back here at six, sure."</p> + +<p>He made immediately for the business premises of Mandleberger Brothers +& Co., where he found Simon Kuhner hard at work in his office.</p> + +<p>"Hallo, Abe!" Kuhner cried as Abe entered. "They told me you was a fit +subject for crutches when I asked for you the other day."</p> + +<p>"Who told you?" Abe said without further preface. "Marks Pasinsky?"</p> + +<p>"Marks Pasinsky?" Kuhner repeated. "Why, no. He didn't mention your +name, Abe. Do you know Marks Pasinsky, too?"</p> + +<p><!-- Page 322 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_322" id="Page_322">[Pg 322]</a></span>"Do I know him, too?" Abe almost shrieked. "A question! Ain't he +selling goods for me?"</p> + +<p>"Is he?" Kuhner said.</p> + +<p>"Is he!" Abe cried. "Why, you don't mean to tell me that feller ain't +been in here yet?"</p> + +<p>"Sure he was in here," Kuhner replied, "but he didn't say nothing about +selling goods for you. In fact, he got a fine order from me, Abe, for a +concern which I never done business with before. People by the name +Sammet Brothers. What's the matter, Abe? Are you sick?"</p> + +<p>Abe gurgled once or twice and clutched at his collar.</p> + +<p>"Did you got the samples here what he shows you?" he managed to gasp.</p> + +<p>"Why, Abe, what's troubling you?" Kuhner said. "A sick man like you +shouldn't be attending to business at all."</p> + +<p>"Never mind me," Abe cried. "What about them samples, Kuhner?"</p> + +<p>"He left some samples with me, and I was to ship 'em to Sammet +Brothers."</p> + +<p>"Did you ship 'em yet?" Abe exclaimed.</p> + +<p>"Why, what's the matter, Abe?" Kuhner commenced soothingly.</p> + +<p>"The matter is," Abe shouted, "them samples is my samples, and there's +some monkey business here."</p> + +<p>"Monkey business!" Kuhner said. "What sort of monkey business?"</p> + +<p><!-- Page 323 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_323" id="Page_323">[Pg 323]</a></span>"I don't know," Abe replied, "but I'm going to find out right +away. Promise me you wouldn't ship them samples till I come back."</p> + +<p>"Sure I will promise you, Abe," Kuhner declared. "When will you be +back?"</p> + +<p>"To-morrow morning some time," Abe concluded as he rose to leave. "I got +to see a lawyer and make this here feller Pasinsky arrested."</p> + +<p>"Don't do nothing rash, Abe," Kuhner advised.</p> + +<p>"I won't do nothing rash," Abe promised. "I'll kill him, that's what +I'll do."</p> + +<p>He took the stairs three at a jump and fairly ran to the dry-goods store +of the Arcade Mercantile Company.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Prosnauer," he cried as he burst into Prosnauer's office in +the cloak department, "my name is Mr. Potash, of Potash & +Perlmutter, from New York. Did you seen it my salesman, Marks Pasinsky?"</p> + +<p>"Sit down, Mr. Potash," Prosnauer said, "and don't excite +yourself."</p> + +<p>"I ain't exciting myself," Abe exclaimed. "I don't got to excite myself, +Mr. Prosnauer. I am excited enough already when I think to myself +that that lowlife Pasinsky takes my samples out of my store and comes +here with my money and gets an order from you for four thousand dollars +for Klinger & Klein."</p> + +<p>"Not so fast, Mr. Potash," Prosnauer began. "I've known Marks +Pasinsky for a number of years.<!-- Page 324 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_324" id="Page_324">[Pg 324]</a></span> He and I play auction pinochle +together every Saturday night when he is in Chicago, and——"</p> + +<p>"Auction pinochle!" Abe interrupted, throwing up his hands. "<i>Das fehlt +nur noch</i>!"</p> + +<p>"As I was saying, Mr. Potash," Prosnauer went on with a withering +glance at Abe, "those samples are outside, and Pasinsky has asked me to +ship them to Klinger & Klein, and——"</p> + +<p>"Ship 'em!" Abe cried. "You shouldn't ship nothing. Them samples belongs +to me."</p> + +<p>"How do I know that?" Prosnauer asked. "Is your name engraved on 'em?"</p> + +<p>"All right," Abe cried, jumping to his feet. "All right, +Mr. Prosnauer. If you are going to make jokes with me I got nothing +to say, but I give you warning that you should do absolutely nothing +with them samples till I send a sheriff round for them."</p> + +<p>"Now you're making threats," said Prosnauer.</p> + +<p>"With people like Marks Pasinsky," Abe retorted as he paused at the +door, "I don't got to make no threats. I know who I am dealing with, +Mr. Prosnauer, and so, instead I should make threats I go right +away and see a lawyer, and he will deliver the goods. That's all I got +to say."</p> + +<p>"Hold on there, Mr. Potash," Prosnauer cried. "It ain't necessary +for you to see a lawyer. Prove to me that you own the samples and you +can have 'em."</p> + +<p>Abe hesitated.</p> + +<p>"Well," he said, "if you would hold it them samples<!-- Page 325 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_325" id="Page_325">[Pg 325]</a></span> till +to-morrow noon, Mr. Prosnauer, I'll give you all the proofs you +want."</p> + +<p>"Very well," Prosnauer said, "I'll hold them. When will you be back?"</p> + +<p>"Before twelve to-morrow," Abe replied. "Believe me, Mr. Prosnauer, +I ain't so stuck on paying lawyers. If I can settle this thing up nice +and friendly I would do so."</p> + +<p>They shook hands, and Abe retraced his steps to the hotel, where he +again inquired for Marks Pasinsky.</p> + +<p>"He hasn't come back yet, Mr. Potash," the clerk said, and Abe +retired to the writing-room and smoked a cigar by way of a sedative.</p> + +<p>From six o'clock that evening until midnight he smoked so many sedative +cigars and made so many fruitless inquiries at the desk for Marks +Pasinsky, that his own nerves as well as the night clerk's were +completely shattered. Before Abe retired he paid a farewell visit to the +desk, and both he and the clerk gave vent to their emotions in a great +deal of spirited profanity.</p> + +<p>There was no rest for Abe that night, and when at length he fell asleep +it was almost daylight. He awoke at nine and, dressing himself fireman +fashion, he hurried to the desk.</p> + +<p>"What time did Marks Pasinsky come in?" he asked the clerk.</p> + +<p>"Why, Mr. Pasinsky didn't come in at all," the clerk replied.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 326 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_326" id="Page_326">[Pg 326]</a></span>Abe pushed his hat back from his forehead.</p> + +<p>"Say, young feller," he said, "do you got the gall to tell me that Marks +Pasinsky ain't come back since he went over to the Altringham with that +short, dark feller yesterday afternoon?"</p> + +<p>"Call me a liar, why don't you?" the clerk retorted.</p> + +<p>"You're a fresh young feller!" Abe exclaimed. "Couldn't you answer a +civil question?"</p> + +<p>"Ah, don't be worrying me with your troubles!" the clerk snarled. "Go +over to the Altringham yourself, if you think I'm stringing you."</p> + +<p>Abe turned without another word and hustled over to the Altringham.</p> + +<p>"Do you know a feller by the name Marks Pasinsky?" he asked the clerk.</p> + +<p>"Is he a guest of the house?" the clerk said.</p> + +<p>"He's a big feller with a stovepipe hat and curly hair," Abe replied, +"and he came in here yesterday afternoon with a short, dark feller what +is stopping here. This here Pasinsky is stopping where I am, but he +ain't showed up all night, and I guess he's stayed here with that short, +dark feller."</p> + +<p>The clerk touched a bell.</p> + +<p>"Front," he said, "show this gentleman up to eighty-nine."</p> + +<p>"Eighty-nine?" Abe cried. "Who's up in eighty-nine?"</p> + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> + +<p class="center"><img title="You're a Fresh Young Feller" height="264" width="400" +alt="You're a Fresh Young Feller" src="images/004.jpg" ></img></p> <h5 class="center"><span class="smcap">You're a Fresh +Young Feller</span>!</h5> + +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> + +<p>"Tall, curly-haired gentleman came in here yesterday<!-- Page 327 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_327" id="Page_327">[Pg 327]</a></span> afternoon +with a short, dark gentleman name of Katzen and——"</p> + +<p>Abe clapped his hand to his forehead.</p> + +<p>"Arthur Katzen!" he cried.</p> + +<p>The clerk nodded.</p> + +<p>"Short, dark feller," Abe murmured as he followed the bell-boy. "Why +didn't I think of Arthur Katzen before?"</p> + +<p>He entered the elevator, feeling as though he were walking in his sleep; +nor did the jolt with which he was shot up to the eighth floor awaken +him. His conductor led him down the corridor and was about to knock at +room eighty-nine when Abe seized him by the arm.</p> + +<p>"Hold on," Abe whispered. "The door is open."</p> + +<p>They tiptoed up to the half-open door and, holding himself well within +the shadow of the corridor, Abe peeped in. It was ten o'clock of a sunny +fall day, but the dark shades of room eighty-nine were drawn and the +electric lights were blazing away as though it were still midnight. +Beneath the lights was a small, oblong table at which sat three men, and +in front of each of them stood a small pile of chips. Marks Pasinsky was +dealing.</p> + +<p>"A-ah, Katzen, you ruined that hand," Marks Pasinsky said as he flipped +out the cards three at a time. "Why didn't you lead it out the ace of +<i>Schüppe</i> right at the start? What did you expect to do with it? +Eat it?"</p> + +<p>Katzen nodded sleepily.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 328 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_328" id="Page_328">[Pg 328]</a></span>"The way I feel now, Pasinsky, I could eat most anything," he +retorted. "I could eat a round trip, if I had a cup of coffee with it, +so hungry I am. Let's have some supper."</p> + +<p>"Supper!" Pasinsky cried. "What do you want supper for? The game is +young yet."</p> + +<p>"Shall I tell you something?" the third hand—a stranger to +Abe—said. "You both played that hand like <i>Strohschneiders</i>. +Pasinsky sits there with two nines of trump in his hand and don't lead +'em through me. You could have beat me by a million very easy."</p> + +<p>He waved his hand with the palm outward and flapped his four fingers +derisively.</p> + +<p>"You call yourself a pinochle player!" he jeered, and fell to twisting +his huge red mustache with his fingers.</p> + +<p>Abe nodded an involuntary approval, and then as silently as they had +arrived he and the bell-boy retreated toward the elevator shaft.</p> + +<p>"Dem guys is card fiends all right," the bell-boy commented. "Dey +started in at five o'clock last night."</p> + +<p>As they waited for the elevator the strains of a piano came from the +floor below.</p> + +<p>"What's that?" Abe exclaimed.</p> + +<p>"Dat's anudder member of de gang," the bell-boy replied. "Dat's +Mr. Rabiner. He quit a big loser about one o'clock dis mornin'."</p> + +<p>Abe handed his informant a dime.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 329 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_329" id="Page_329">[Pg 329]</a></span>"Take me to his room," he said.</p> + +<p>The bell-boy led the way to the seventh floor and conducted Abe to the +door of Rabiner's room.</p> + +<p>"Dat's a pretty said spiel dat guy is tearin' off," he commented. "It +makes me tink of a dago funeral."</p> + +<p>Abe nodded. He knocked at the door, and Liszt's transcription of the +<i>Liebestod</i> ceased immediately.</p> + +<p>"Well?" Mozart Rabiner cried and, for answer, Abe opened the door.</p> + +<p>"Hallo, Moe!" he said. "You don't know me. What? I'm Abe Potash."</p> + +<p>"Oh, hello, Potash!" Rabiner said, rising from the piano stool.</p> + +<p>"That's some pretty mournful music you was giving us, Moe," Abe went on. +"Sounds like business was poor already. Ain't you working no more?"</p> + +<p>"I am and I ain't," Mozart replied. "I'm supposed to be selling goods +for Klinger & Klein, but since I only sold it one bill in two weeks +I ain't got much hopes that I'll get enough more money out of 'em to +move me out of town."</p> + +<p>"What do you make next, Moe?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"St. Paul and Minneapolis," Mozart replied.</p> + +<p>Abe handed him a large cigar and, lighting the mate to it, puffed away +complacently.</p> + +<p>"That was a pretty good order you got it from Prosnauer which Sol +Klinger tells me about," he said.</p> + +<p>Mozart nodded sadly.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 330 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_330" id="Page_330">[Pg 330]</a></span>"Looky here, Moe," Abe went on, "how much money do you need to +move you?"</p> + +<p>Mozart lifted his eyebrows and shrugged hopelessly.</p> + +<p>"More as you would lend me, Potash," he said. "So what's the use talking +about it?"</p> + +<p>"Well, I was going to say," Abe continued, "if it was something what you +might call within reason, Moe, I might advance it if——"</p> + +<p>"If what?" Moe inquired.</p> + +<p>"If you would tell me the insides of just how you got it that order from +Prosnauer."</p> + +<p>Mozart gave a deprecatory wave of his right hand.</p> + +<p>"You don't got to bribe me to tell you that, Potash," he said, "because +I ain't got no concern in that order no longer. I give up my commission +there to a feller by the name Ignatz Kresnick."</p> + +<p>"A white-faced feller with a big red mustache?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"That's him," Mozart replied. "The luck that feller Kresnick got it is +something you wouldn't believe at all. He could fall down a sewer +manhole and come up in a dress suit and a clean shave already. He cleans +me out last night two hundred dollars and the commission on that +Prosnauer order."</p> + +<p>"But you didn't get that order in the first place, Moe," Abe said. +"Marks Pasinsky got the order."</p> + +<p>"Sure, I know," Mozart replied, "but he got set back a couple of four +hundred hands last Tuesday<!-- Page 331 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_331" id="Page_331">[Pg 331]</a></span> night with Katzen and me in the game, +and the way he settles up his losing is that Katzen and me should take +his commissions on a couple of orders which he says he is going to get +from Simon Kuhner, of Mandleberger Brothers & Co., and Chester +Prosnauer, of the Arcade Mercantile Company. Sure enough, he gets the +orders from both of 'em the very next morning. That's the kind of +salesman he is."</p> + +<p>"But why didn't Pasinsky send us along the orders, Moe," Abe protested, +"and we could fix up about the commissions later? Why should he sent it +the orders to Klinger & Klein and Sammet Brothers?"</p> + +<p>"Well, you see, business was poor with me and I wanted to make good, +being as this was my first trip with the concern; so, as a favor to me +Pasinsky turns over the whole order to me," Mozart explained; "and then, +when Katzen sees that, he wants the other order sent to his concern, +too." "But this was Pasinsky's first trip by us, also," Abe cried.</p> + +<p>"I know it," Mozart said, "but Pasinsky says that he didn't care, +because a good salesman like him could always find it an opening +somewhere, and anyway he wasn't stuck on working for a piker concern +like yours."</p> + +<p>Abe rose with his eyes ablaze.</p> + +<p>"That settles it," he said, jamming his hat on his head. "I'm going for +a policeman. I'll teach that sucker to steal my orders!"</p> + +<p><!-- Page 332 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_332" id="Page_332">[Pg 332]</a></span>He bounced out of the room and, as he rang for the elevator, +Isolde's lament once more issued from beneath. Mozart Rabiner's fingers:</p> + +<dl> <dd><i>Mild und leise wie er lächelt</i></dd> <dd><i>Wie das Auge hold er öffnet</i></dd> +</dl> + +<p>While from the floor above came the full, round tones of the salesman, +Marks Pasinsky.</p> + +<p>"Sixty queens," he said.</p> + +<p>Abe ran out of the hotel lobby straight into the arms of a short, stout +person.</p> + +<p>"Excuse me," Abe exclaimed.</p> + +<p>"I'll excuse you, Potash," said the short, stout person, "but I wouldn't +run like that if I got it the rheumatism so bad."</p> + +<p>Abe looked at the speaker and gasped. It was B. Gans.</p> + +<p>"What are you doing in Chicago, Potash?" Gans asked.</p> + +<p>"You should ask me that," Abe snorted indignantly. "If it wouldn't be +for you I wouldn't never got to leave New York."</p> + +<p>"What do you mean?" Gans asked.</p> + +<p>"I mean you gives me a good reference for this feller Marks Pasinsky," +Abe shouted. "And even now I am on my way out for a policeman to make +this here Pasinsky arrested."</p> + +<p>B. Gans whistled. He surrendered to a bell-boy the small valise he +carried and clutched Abe's arm.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 333 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_333" id="Page_333">[Pg 333]</a></span>"I wouldn't do that," he said. "Come inside the café and +tell me all about it."</p> + +<p>Abe shook himself free.</p> + +<p>"Why shouldn't I make him arrested?" he insisted. "He's a thief. He +stole my samples."</p> + +<p>"Well, he stole my samples, too, oncet," B. Gans replied. "Come inside +the café and I'll give you a little sad story what I got, too."</p> + +<p>A moment later they were seated at a marble-top table.</p> + +<p>"Yes, Abe," B. Gans went on after they had given the order, "Marks +Pasinsky stole my samples, too. Let's hear your story first."</p> + +<p>Straightway Abe unfolded to B. Gans the tale of Marks Pasinsky's +adventure with Mozart Rabiner and Arthur Katzen, and also told him how +the orders based on Potash & Perlmutter's sample line had found +their way into the respective establishments of Sammet Brothers and +Klinger & Klein.</p> + +<p>"Well, by jimminy!" B. Gans commented, "that's just the story I got to +tell it you. This feller does the selfsame funny business with my +samples. He gets orders from a couple of big concerns in St. Louis and +then he gambles them away to a feller called Levy. So what do I do, +Potash? He goes to work and has 'em both arrested, and then them two +fellers turns around and fixes up a story and the first thing you know +the police judge lets 'em go. Well, Potash, them two fellers goes down +to New York and hires a lawyer, by the name Henry<!-- Page 334 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_334" id="Page_334">[Pg 334]</a></span> D. Feldman, +and sue me in the courts yet that I made them false arrested. Cost me a +thousand dollars to settle it, and I also got to agree that if anybody +inquires about Pasinsky I should say only that he is a good +salesman—which is the truth, Potash, because he is a good +salesman—and that the reason he left me is by mutual consent, +y'understand?"</p> + +<p>Abe nodded.</p> + +<p>"That's a fine piece of work, that Marks Pasinsky," he commented. "I +wish I had never seen him already. What shall I do, Gans? I am in a fine +mess."</p> + +<p>"No, you ain't yet," B. Gans replied. "Prosnauer and Kuhner knows me, +Potash, and I am willing, as long as I got you into this, I will get you +out of it. I will go with you myself, Potash, and I think I got +influence enough in the trade that I could easy get them to give you +back them samples."</p> + +<p>"I know you can," Abe said enthusiastically, "and if you would put it to +'em strong enough I think we could swing back to us them orders from +Sammet Brothers and Klinger & Klein."</p> + +<p>"That I will do for you, also," B. Gans agreed. "But now, Potash, I got +troubles ahead of me, too."</p> + +<p>"How's that?" Abe inquired, much interested.</p> + +<p>"I got it a lowlife what I hired for a salesman, also," he replied, "and +three weeks ago that feller left my place with my samples and I ain't +heard a word from him since. If I got to search every gamblinghouse in +Chicago I will find that loafer;<!-- Page 335 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_335" id="Page_335">[Pg 335]</a></span> and when I do find him, Potash, +I will crack his neck for him."</p> + +<p>"I wouldn't do nothing rash, Gans," Abe advised. "What for a looking +feller is this salesman of yours?"</p> + +<p>"He's a tall, white-faced loafer with a big red mustache," Gans replied, +"and his name is Ignatz Kresnick."</p> + +<p>Abe jumped to his feet.</p> + +<p>"Come with me," he cried. Together they took the elevator to the eighth +floor and, as Ignatz Kresnick dealt the cards for the five-hundredth +time in that game, all unconscious of his fast-approaching Nemesis, +Mozart Rabiner played the concluding measures of the <i>Liebestod</i> softly, +slowly, like a benediction:</p> + +<p class="block"><i>Ertrinken—<br /> Versinken—<br /> Unbewusst—<br /> Höchste Lust.</i></p> +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <h2>CHAPTER XV</h2> <br /> <br /> <p>"Who do you think I seen it in Hammersmith's just now, +Mawruss?" Abe Potash shouted as he burst into the show-room one Saturday +afternoon in April.</p> + +<p>"I ain't deaf, Abe," Morris replied. "Who did you seen it?"</p> + +<p><!-- Page 336 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_336" id="Page_336">[Pg 336]</a></span>"J. Edward Kleebaum from Minneapolis," Abe answered.</p> + +<p>Morris shrugged.</p> + +<p>"What d'ye want <i>me</i> to do, Abe?" he asked.</p> + +<p>Abe ignored the question.</p> + +<p>"He promised he would come in at two o'clock and look over the line," he +announced triumphantly.</p> + +<p>"Plenty crooks looked over our line already, Abe," Morris commented, +"and so far as I'm concerned, they could look over it all they want to, +Abe, so long as they shouldn't buy nothing from us."</p> + +<p>"What d'ye mean? Crooks?" Abe cried. "The way Kleebaum talks he would +give us an order for a thousand dollars goods, maybe, Mawruss. He ain't +no crook."</p> + +<p>"Ain't he?" Morris replied. "What's the reason he ain't, Abe? The way I +look at it, Abe, when a feller makes it a dirty failure like that feller +made it in Milwaukee, Abe, and then goes to Cleveland, Abe, and opens up +as the bon march, Abe, and does another bust up, Abe, and then he goes +to——"</p> + +<p>"S'enough, Mawruss," Abe interrupted. "Them things is from old times +already. To-day is something else again. That feller done a tremendous +business last spring, Mawruss, and this season everybody is falling over +themselves to sell him goods."</p> + +<p>"Looky here, Abe," Morris broke in, "you think the feller ain't a crook, +and you're entitled to think all you want to, Abe, but I seen it Sol +Klinger yesterday, and what d'ye think he told me?"</p> + +<p><!-- Page 337 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_337" id="Page_337">[Pg 337]</a></span>"I don't know what he told you, Mawruss," Abe replied, "but it +wouldn't be the first time, Mawruss, that a feller tells lies about a +concern that he couldn't sell goods to, Mawruss. It's the old story of +the dawg and the grapes."</p> + +<p>Morris looked hurt.</p> + +<p>"I'm surprised you should call a decent, respectable feller like Sol +Klinger a dawg, Abe," he said. "That feller has always been a good +friend of ours, Abe, and even if he wouldn't be, Abe, that ain't no way +to talk about a concern what does a business like Klinger & Klein."</p> + +<p>"Don't make no speeches, Mawruss," Abe retorted. "Go ahead and tell me +what Sol Klinger told it you about J. Edward Kleebaum."</p> + +<p>"Why, Sol Klinger says that he hears it on good authority, Abe, that +that lowlife got it two oitermobiles, Abe. What d'ye think for a crook +like that?"</p> + +<p>"So far what I hear it, Mawruss, it ain't such a terrible crime that a +feller should got it two oitermobiles. In that case, Mawruss, Andrew +Carnegie would be a murderer yet. I bet yer he got already <i>fifty</i> +oitermobiles."</p> + +<p>"S'all right, Abe," Morris cried. "Andrew Carnegie ain't looking to buy +off us goods, Abe, and even so, Abe, he never made it a couple of +failures like Kleebaum, Abe."</p> + +<p>"Well, Mawruss, is that all you got against him that he owns an +oitermobile? Maybe he plays golluf, too, Mawruss."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 338 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_338" id="Page_338">[Pg 338]</a></span>"Golluf I don't know nothing about, Abe," Morris replied, "but +auction pinochle he does play it, Abe. Sol Klinger says that out in +Minneapolis Kleebaum hangs out with a bunch of loafers what considers a +dollar a hundred chicken feed already."</p> + +<p>Abe rose to his feet.</p> + +<p>"Let me tell you something, Mawruss," he said. "I got over them old +fashioned idees that a feller shouldn't spend the money he makes in the +way what he wants to. If Kleebaum wants to buy oitermobiles, that's his +business, not mine, Mawruss, and for my part, Mawruss, if that feller +was to come in here and buy from us a thousand dollars goods, Mawruss, I +am in favor we should sell him."</p> + +<p>"You could do what you please, Abe," Morris declared as he put on his +hat. "Only one thing I beg of you, Abe, don't never put it up to me, +Abe, that I was in favor of the feller from the start."</p> + +<p>"Sure not, Mawruss," Abe replied, "because you wouldn't never let me +forget it. Where are you going now, Mawruss?"</p> + +<p>"I told you yesterday where I was going, Abe," Morris said impatiently. +"Me and Minnie is going out to Johnsonhurst to see her cousin Moe +Fixman."</p> + +<p>"Moe Fixman," Abe repeated. "Ain't that the same Fixman what was +partners together with Max Gudekunst?"</p> + +<p>Morris nodded.</p> + +<p>"Well, you want to keep your hand on your pocketbook,<!-- Page 339 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_339" id="Page_339">[Pg 339]</a></span> Mawruss," +Abe went on, "because I hear it on good authority that feller ain't +above selling the milk from his baby's bottle."</p> + +<p>Morris paused with his hand on the door knob.</p> + +<p>"That's the first I hear about it, Abe," he said. "Certainly, when a +feller gets together a little money, y'understand, always there is +somebody what knocks him, Abe. Who told you all this about Fixman, Abe?"</p> + +<p>"A feller by the name Sol Klinger, Mawruss," Abe replied, "and if you +don't believe me you could——"</p> + +<p>But Morris cut off further comment by banging the door behind him and +Abe turned to his task of preparing the sample line for his prospective +customer's inspection. A half an hour later J. Edward Kleebaum entered +the show-room and extended his hand to Abe.</p> + +<p>"Hallo, Potash," he said. "You got to excuse me I'm a little late on +account I had to look at a machine up on Fiftieth Street."</p> + +<p>"That's a sample I suppose, ain't it?" Abe said.</p> + +<p>"No," Kleebaum replied, "it's one of their stock machines, a Pfingst, +nineteen-nine model."</p> + +<p>"Pfingst!" Abe exclaimed, "that's a new one on me. Certainly, I believe +a feller should buy the machines what suits his purpose, but with +Mawruss and me, when we was running our own shop we bought nothing but +standard makes like Keeler and Silcox and them other machines."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 340 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_340" id="Page_340">[Pg 340]</a></span>At this juncture Kleebaum broke into a hearty laugh.</p> + +<p>"This machine is all right for what I would want it," he said. "In fact, +I got it right down in front of the door now. It's a nineteen-nine +Pfingst, six cylinder roadster up to date and runs like a chronometer +already."</p> + +<p>"Oh, an oitermobile!" Abe cried. "Excuse me, Mr. Kleebaum. +Oitermobiles ain't in my line, Mr. Kleebaum. I'm satisfied I should +know something about the cloak and suit business, Mr. Kleebaum. +Now, here is a garment which me and Mawruss don't consider one of our +leaders at all, Mr. Kleebaum. But I bet yer that if another concern +as us would put out a garment like that, Mr. Kleebaum, they would +make such a holler about it that you would think nobody else knows how +to make garments but them."</p> + +<p>"When a feller's got the goods, Potash," Kleebaum replied, as he lit one +of Abe's "gilt-edged" cigars, "he's got a right to holler. Now you take +this here Pfingst car. It is made by the Pfingst Manufacturing Company, +a millionaire concern, and them people advertise it to beat the band. +And why shouldn't they advertise it? Them people got a car there which +it is a wonder, Potash. How they could sell a car like that for +twenty-five hundred dollars I don't know. The body alone must cost them +people a couple of thousand dollars."</p> + +<p>"That's always the way, Mr. Kleebaum," Abe<!-- Page 341 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_341" id="Page_341">[Pg 341]</a></span> broke in +hurriedly. "Now, you take this here garment, Mr. Kleebaum, people +would say, 'How is it possible that Potash & Perlmutter could turn +out a garment like this for eighteen dollars?' And certainly, +Mr. Kleebaum, I don't say we lose money on it, y'understand, only +we got——"</p> + +<p>"But this here car, Potash, has selective transmission, shaft drive +and——"</p> + +<p>"Say, lookyhere, Kleebaum," Abe cried, "am I trying to sell you some +cloaks or are you trying to sell me an oitermobile? Because if you are, +I'm sorry I got to tell you I ain't in the market for an oitermobile +just at present. On the other hand, Mr. Kleebaum, I got a line of +garments here which it is a pleasure for me to show you, even if you +wouldn't buy so much as a button."</p> + +<p>"Go ahead, Potash," Kleebaum said, "and we'll talk about the car after +you get through."</p> + +<p>For over two hours Abe displayed the firm's sample line and his efforts +were at last rewarded by a generous order from Kleebaum.</p> + +<p>"That makes in all twenty-one hundred dollars' worth of goods," Kleebaum +announced, "and if you think you could stand the pressure, Potash, I +could smoke another cigar on you already."</p> + +<p>"Excuse me, Mr. Kleebaum!" Abe cried, producing another of his best +cigars.</p> + +<p>"Much obliged," Kleebaum mumbled as he lit up. "And now, Abe, after +business comes with me pleasure. What d'ye say to a little spin uptown +in this<!-- Page 342 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_342" id="Page_342">[Pg 342]</a></span> here Pfingst car which I got it waiting for me +downstairs."</p> + +<p>Abe waved his hand with the palm out.</p> + +<p>"You could go as far as you like, Mr. Kleebaum," he replied, "but +when it comes to oitermobiles, Mr. Kleebaum, you got to excuse me. +I ain't never rode in one of them things yet, and I guess you couldn't +learn it an old dawg he should study new tricks. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"D'ye mean to tell me you ain't never rode in an oitermobile yet?" +Kleebaum exclaimed.</p> + +<p>"You got it right," Abe said, "and what's more I ain't never going to +neither."</p> + +<p>"What you trying to give me?" Kleebaum asked. "You mean to say if I +would ask you you should come riding with me now, you would turn me +down?"</p> + +<p>"I bet yer I would," Abe declared. "An up-to-date feller like you, +Kleebaum, is different already from an old-timer like me. I got a wife, +Kleebaum, and also I don't carry a whole lot of insurance neither, +y'understand."</p> + +<p>"Come off, Potash!" Kleebaum cried. "I rode myself in oitermobiles +already millions of times and I ain't never been hurted yet."</p> + +<p>"Some people's got all the luck, Kleebaum," Abe replied. "With me I bet +yer if I would ride in an oitermobile once, y'understand, the least that +would happen to me is I should break my neck."</p> + +<p>"How could you break your neck in a brand new<!-- Page 343 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_343" id="Page_343">[Pg 343]</a></span> car like that +Pfingst car downstairs?" Kleebaum insisted.</p> + +<p>"Never mind," Abe answered, "if things is going to turn out that way, +Mr. Kleebaum, you could break your neck in a baby carriage yet."</p> + +<p>"Well, don't get mad about it, Potash," Kleebaum said.</p> + +<p>"Me, I don't get mad so easy," Abe declared. "Wouldn't you come +downstairs to Hammersmith's and take a cup coffee or something?"</p> + +<p>Together they descended to the sidewalk where they were saluted by a +tremendous chugging from the Pfingst roadster.</p> + +<p>"Say, my friend," the demonstrating chauffeur cried as he caught sight +of Kleebaum, "what d'ye think I'm running anyway? A taxicab?"</p> + +<p>"You shouldn't get fresh, young feller," Kleebaum retorted, "unless you +would want to lose your job."</p> + +<p>"Aw, quit your stalling," the chauffeur protested. "Is this the guy you +was telling me about?"</p> + +<p>Kleebaum frowned and contorted one side of his face with electrical +rapidity.</p> + +<p>"Say, my friend," the chauffeur replied entirely unmoved, "them gestures +don't go down with me. Is this the guy you was telling the boss you +would jolly into buying a car, because——"</p> + +<p>Kleebaum turned to Abe and elaborately assumed an expression of amiable +deprecation.</p> + +<p>"That's a salesman for you," he exclaimed.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 344 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_344" id="Page_344">[Pg 344]</a></span>Abe surveyed Kleebaum with a puzzled stare.</p> + +<p>"Say, lookyhere, Kleebaum," he said, "if you thought you would get me to +buy an oitermobile by giving me this here order, Kleebaum, I'm satisfied +you should cancel it. Because again I got to tell it you, Kleebaum, I +ain't in the market for oitermobiles just yet awhile."</p> + +<p>Kleebaum clapped Abe on the shoulder.</p> + +<p>"The feller don't know what he's talking about, Potash," he declared. +"He's thinking of somebody quite different as you. That order stands, +Potash, and now if you will excuse me joining you in that cup coffee, +Potash, I got to say good-by."</p> + +<p>He wrung Abe's hand in farewell and jumped into the seat beside the +chauffeur while Abe stood on the sidewalk and watched them disappear +down the street.</p> + +<p>"I bet yer that order stands," he mused. "It stands in my store until I +get a couple of good reports on that feller."</p> + +<p>"What a house that feller Fixman got it, Abe," Morris Perlmutter +exclaimed on Monday morning. "A regular palace, and mind you, Abe, he +don't pay ten dollars more a month as I do up in a Hundred and +Eighteenth Street. And what a difference there is in the yard, Abe. Me, +I look out on a bunch of fire escapes, while Fixman got a fine garden +with trees and flowers pretty near as good as a cemetery."</p> + +<p>"Well, why don't you move to Johnsonhurst, too, Mawruss," Abe Potash +said. "It's an elegant<!-- Page 345 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_345" id="Page_345">[Pg 345]</a></span> neighborhood, Mawruss. Me and Rosie was +over to Johnsonhurst one day last summer and it took us three hours to +get out there and three hours to get back. Six cigars I busted in my +vest pockets at the bridge yet and Rosie pretty near fainted in the +crowd. Yes, Mawruss, it's an elegant neighborhood, I bet yer."</p> + +<p>"That was on Sunday and the summer time, Abe, but Fixman says if he +leaves his house at seven o'clock, he is in his office at a quarter to +eight."</p> + +<p>"I believe it, Mawruss," Abe commented ironically. "That feller Fixman +never got downtown in his life before nine o'clock. He shouldn't tell me +nothing like that, Mawruss, because I know Fixman since way before the +Spanish war already, and that feller was always a big bluff, +y'understand. Sol Klinger tells me he's got also an oitermobile."</p> + +<p>"Sol Klinger could talk all he wants, Abe," Morris replied. "Fixman told +it me that if he had the money what Klinger sinks in one stock already, +Abe, he could run a dozen oitermobiles. Sure, Fixman's got an +oitermobile. With the money that feller makes, Abe, he's got a right to +got on oitermobile. Klinger should be careful what he tells about +people, Abe. The feller will get himself into serious trouble some day. +He's all the time knocking somebody. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"Is that so?" Abe said. "I thought Klinger was such a good friend to us, +Mawruss. Also,<!-- Page 346 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_346" id="Page_346">[Pg 346]</a></span> Mawruss, you say yourself on Saturday that a +feller what's got an oitermobile is a crook yet."</p> + +<p>"Me!" Morris cried indignantly. "I never said no such thing, Abe. Always +you got to twist around what I say, Abe. What I told you +was——"</p> + +<p>"S'all right, Mawruss," Abe said. "I'll take your word for it. What I +want to talk to you about now is this here J. Edward Kleebaum. He gives +us an order for twenty-one hundred dollars, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"Good!" Morris exclaimed.</p> + +<p>"Good?" Abe repeated with a rising inflection. "Say, Mawruss, what's the +matter with you to-day, anyway?"</p> + +<p>"Nothing's the matter with <i>me</i>, Abe. What d'ye mean?"</p> + +<p>"I mean that on Saturday you wouldn't sell Kleebaum not a dollar's worth +of goods, Mawruss, and even myself I was only willing we should go a +thousand dollars on the feller, and now to-day when I tell it you he +gives us an order for twenty-one hundred dollars, Mawruss, you say, +'good'."</p> + +<p>"Sure, I say, 'good'," Morris replied. "Why not? Just because a sucker +like Sol Klinger knocks a feller, Abe, that ain't saying the feller's N. +G. Furthermore, Abe, suppose a feller does run a couple of oitermobiles, +y'understand, Abe, does that say he's going to bust up right away? +That's an idee what a back number like Klinger got it, Abe, but with me +I think differently. There's worser things as oitermobiles to ride in, +Abe, believe me. Fixman takes<!-- Page 347 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_347" id="Page_347">[Pg 347]</a></span> out his wife and Minnie and me on +Saturday afternoon, and we had a fine time. We went pretty near to +Boston, I bet yer."</p> + +<p>"To Boston!" Abe exclaimed.</p> + +<p>"Well, we seen the Boston boats going out, and a fine view of the City +College also, and a gas factory and North Beach, too. Everything went +off beautiful, Abe, and I assure you Minnie and me we come home feeling +fine. I tell you, Abe, a feller has got to ride in one of them things to +appreciate 'em."</p> + +<p>"S'all right, Mawruss," Abe cried. "I take your word for it. What I am +worrying about now, Mawruss, is this here Kleebaum."</p> + +<p>"Kleebaum is A Number One, Abe," Morris said. "I was talking to Fixman +about him and Fixman says that there ain't a better judge of an +oitermobile between Chicago and the Pacific Coast."</p> + +<p>"Say, lookyhere, Mawruss," Abe asked, "are we in the cloak and suit +business or are we in the oitermobile business? Kleebaum buys from us +cloaks, not oitermobiles. And while I ain't got such good judgment when +it comes to oitermobiles, I think I know something about the cloak and +suit business, and I got an idea that feller is out to do us."</p> + +<p>"Why, Abe, you don't know the feller at all," Morris protested. "Why +don't you make some investigations about the feller, Abe?"</p> + +<p>"Investigations is nix, Mawruss," Abe replied impatiently. "When a +feller is a crook, Mawruss, he could fool everybody, Mawruss. He could +fix things<!-- Page 348 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_348" id="Page_348">[Pg 348]</a></span> so the merchantile agencies would only find out good +things about him, and he buffaloes credit men so that to hear 'em talk +you would think he was a millionaire already. No, Mawruss, when you are +dealing with a crook, investigations is nix. You got to depend on your +own judgment."</p> + +<p>"But, Abe," Morris cried, "you got a wrong idee about that feller. +Fixman tells me Kleebaum does a fine business in Minneapolis. He has an +elegant trade there and he's got a system of oitermobile delivery which +Fixman says is great. He's got three light runabouts fixed up with +removable tonneaus, thirty horse-power, two cylinder engines +and——"</p> + +<p>At this juncture Abe rose to his feet and hurried indignantly toward the +cutting-room, where Morris joined him five minutes later.</p> + +<p>"Say, Abe," he said, "while me and Minnie was out with Fixman on +Saturday I got a fine idee for an oitermobile wrap."</p> + +<p>Abe turned and fixed his partner with a terrible glare.</p> + +<p>"Tell it to Kleebaum," he roared.</p> + +<p>"I did," Morris said genially, "and he thought it would make a big hit +in the trade."</p> + +<p>"Why, when did you seen it, Kleebaum?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"This morning on my way over to Lenox Avenue. I met Sol Klinger and as +him and me was buying papers near the subway station, comes a big +oitermobile by the curb and Kleebaum is sitting with<!-- Page 349 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_349" id="Page_349">[Pg 349]</a></span> another +feller in the front seat, what they call a chauffeur, and Kleebaum says, +'Get in and I'll take you down town,' so we get in and I bet yer we come +downtown in fifteen minutes."</p> + +<p>"Ain't Klinger scared to ride in one of them things, Mawruss?" Abe +asked.</p> + +<p>"Scared, Abe? Why should the feller be scared? Not only he wasn't scared +yet, Abe, but he took up Kleebaum's offer for a ride down to Coney +Island yet. Kleebaum said they'd be back by ten o'clock and so Klinger +asks me to telephone over to Klein that he would be a little late this +morning."</p> + +<p>"That's a fine way for a feller to neglect his business, Mawruss," Abe +commented.</p> + +<p>Morris nodded without enthusiasm.</p> + +<p>"By the way, Abe," he said, "me and Minnie about decided we would rent +the house next door to Fixman's down in Johnsonhurst, so I guess we will +go down there again this afternoon at three o'clock."</p> + +<p>"At three o'clock!" Abe cried. "Say, lookyhere, Mawruss, what do you +think this here is anyway? A bank?"</p> + +<p>"Must I ask <i>you</i>, Abe, if I want to leave early oncet in awhile?"</p> + +<p>"Oncet in awhile is all right, Mawruss, but when a feller does it every +day that's something else again."</p> + +<p>"When did I done it every day, Abe?" Morris demanded. "Saturday is the +first time I leave here early in a year already, while pretty near +every<!-- Page 350 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_350" id="Page_350">[Pg 350]</a></span> afternoon, Abe, you got an excuse you should see a +customer up in Broadway and Twenty-ninth Street."</p> + +<p>"Shall I tell you something, Mawruss," Abe cried suddenly. "You are +going for an oitermobile ride with J. Edward Kleebaum."</p> + +<p>Morris flushed vividly.</p> + +<p>"Supposing I am, Abe," he replied. "Ain't Kleebaum a customer from ours? +And how could I turn down a customer, Abe?"</p> + +<p>"<i>Maybe</i> he's a customer, Mawruss, but I wouldn't be certain of it +because you could go oitermobile riding with him if you want to, +Mawruss, but me, I am going to do something different. I am going to +look that feller up, Mawruss, and I bet yer when I get through, Mawruss, +we would sooner be selling goods to some of them cut-throats up in Sing +Sing already."</p> + +<p>At three o'clock Minnie entered swathed in veils and a huge fur coat.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," she said, "did you hear the latest? We are going to move to +Johnsonhurst."</p> + +<p>"I wish you joy," Abe grunted.</p> + +<p>"We got a swell place down there," she went on. "Five bedrooms, a parlor +and a library with a great big kitchen and a garage."</p> + +<p>"A what?" Abe cried.</p> + +<p>"A place what you put oitermobiles into it," Morris explained.</p> + +<p>"Is that so?" Abe said as he jammed his hat on with both hands. "Well, +that don't do no harm,<!-- Page 351 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_351" id="Page_351">[Pg 351]</a></span> Mawruss, because you could also use it +for a dawg house."</p> + +<p>He slammed the door behind him and five minutes later he entered the +business premises of Klinger & Klein. There he found the senior +member of the firm busy over the sample line.</p> + +<p>"Hallo, Sol!" he cried. "I just seen it Mr. Brady, credit man for +the Manhattan Mills, and he says he come across you riding in an +oitermobile near Coney Island at nine o'clock this morning already. He +says he always thought you and Klein was pretty steady people, but I +says nowadays you couldn't never tell nothing about nobody. 'Because a +feller is a talmudist already, Mr. Brady,' I says, 'that don't say +he ain't blowing in his money on the horse races yet.'"</p> + +<p>Klinger turned pale.</p> + +<p>"Ain't that a fine thing," he exclaimed, "that a feller with a +responsible position like Brady should be fooling away his time at Coney +Island in business hours."</p> + +<p>Abe laughed and clapped Sol Klinger on the back.</p> + +<p>"As a matter of fact, Sol," he said, "I ain't seen Brady in a month, +y'understand, but supposing Brady <i>should</i> come across you in an +oitermobile down at Coney Island at nine o'clock in the morning, +y'understand. I bet yer he would call for a new statement from you and +Klein the very next day, Sol, and make you swear to it on a truck load +of Bibles already. A feller shouldn't take no chances, Sol."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 352 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_352" id="Page_352">[Pg 352]</a></span>"I was in good company anyhow, Abe," Sol declared. "I was with +J. Edward Kleebaum, but I suppose Mawruss Perlmutter told it you. Ain't +it?"</p> + +<p>"Sure, he did," Abe said, "and he also told it me last week that you +says J. Edward Kleebaum was a crook because he runs a couple of +oitermobiles out in Minneapolis."</p> + +<p>"I made a mistake about Kleebaum, Abe," Klinger interrupted. "I changed +my mind about him."</p> + +<p>"That's all right, Sol," Abe said, "but if Kleebaum was a crook last +week, Sol, and a gentleman this week, what I would like to know is, what +he will be next week, because I got for twenty-one hundred dollars an +order from that feller and I got to ship it next week. So if you got any +information about Kleebaum, Sol, you would be doing me a favor if you +would let me know all about it."</p> + +<p>"All I know about him is this, Abe," Klinger replied. "We drew on him +two reports and both of 'em gives him fifty to seventy-five thousand +credit good. He's engaged to be married to Miss Julia Pfingst, who +is Joseph Pfingst's a daughter."</p> + +<p>"Joseph Pfingst," Abe repeated. "I don't know as I ever hear that name +before."</p> + +<p>"It used to be Pfingst & Gusthaler," Klinger went on, "in the rubber +goods business on Wooster Street. First they made it raincoats, and then +they went into rubber boots, and just naturally they got into bicycle +tires, and then comes the oitermobile craze, and Gusthaler<!-- Page 353 --><span class="pagenum"><a +name="Page_353" id="Page_353">[Pg 353]</a></span> dies, and so Pfingst sells +oitermobile tires, and now he's in the oitermobile business."</p> + +<p>"Certainly, he got there gradually," Abe commented.</p> + +<p>"Maybe he did, Abe," Klinger said, "but he also got pretty near a +million dollars, and you know as well as I do, Abe, a feller what's a +millionaire already don't got to marry off his daughter to a crook, +y'understand. No, Abe, I changed my mind about that feller. I think +Kleebaum's a pretty decent feller, and ourselves we sold him goods for +twenty-five hundred dollars."</p> + +<p>Abe puffed hard on his cigar for a moment.</p> + +<p>"Couldn't you get from the old man a guarantee of the account maybe?" he +asked.</p> + +<p>"I sent Klein around there this morning, Abe," Klinger answered, "and +Pfingst says if Kleebaum is good enough to marry his daughter, he's good +enough for us to sell goods to, and certainly, Abe, you couldn't blame +the old man neither."</p> + +<p>Abe nodded, and a moment later he rose to leave.</p> + +<p>"You shouldn't look so worried about it, Abe," Sol Klinger said. +"Everybody is selling that feller this year."</p> + +<p>"Well, Mawruss," Abe cried on Tuesday morning, "I got to confess that I +ain't learned nothing new about that feller Kleebaum. Everybody what I +seen it speaks very highly of him, Mawruss, and the way I figure it, he +bought goods for fifty thousand dollars in the last four days. Klinger +& Klein<!-- Page 354 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_354" id="Page_354">[Pg 354]</a></span> sold him, Sammet Brothers sold him, and even Lapidus +& Elenbogen ain't left out. I couldn't understand it at all."</p> + +<p>"Couldn't you?" Morris retorted. "Well, I could, Abe. That feller is +increasing his business, Abe, because he's got good backing, +y'understand. He's engaged to be married to Julie Pfingst and her father +Joseph Pfingst is a millionaire."</p> + +<p>"Sure, I know, Mawruss, I seen lots of them millionaires in my time +already. Millionaires which everyone thinks is millionaires until the +first meeting of creditors, and then, Mawruss, they make a composition +for twenty cents cash and thirty cents notes at three, six and nine +months. Multi-millionaires sometimes pay twenty-five cents cash, but +otherwise the notes is the same like millionaires, three, six and nine +months, and you could wrap up dill pickles in 'em for all the good +they'll do you."</p> + +<p>"What are you talking nonsense, Abe? This feller, Pfingst, is a +millionaire. He's got a big oitermobile business and sells ten cars a +week at twenty-five hundred dollars apiece. Here it is only Tuesday, +Abe, and that feller sold two oitermobiles already."</p> + +<p>"Did you count 'em, Mawruss?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"Sure, I counted 'em," Morris replied. He looked boldly into Abe's eyes +as he spoke. "One of 'em he sold to Sol Klinger and the other he sold to +me."</p> + +<p>If Morris anticipated making a sensation he was not disappointed. For +ten minutes Abe struggled<!-- Page 355 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_355" id="Page_355">[Pg 355]</a></span> to sort out a few enunciable oaths +from the mass of profanity that surged through his brain and at length +he succeeded.</p> + +<p>"I always thought you was crazy, Mawruss," he said after the first +paroxysm had exhausted itself, "and now I know it."</p> + +<p>"Why am I crazy?" Morris asked. "When a feller lives out in Johnsonhurst +you must practically got to have an oitermobile, otherwise you are a +dead one. And anyhow, Abe, couldn't I spend my money the way I want to?"</p> + +<p>"Sure, you could," Abe said. "But you didn't spend it the way <i>you</i> +wanted to, Mawruss. Kleebaum got you to buy the oitermobile. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"Suppose he did, Abe? Kleebaum is a customer of ours. Ain't it? And he +got me also a special price on the car. Twenty-one hundred dollars he +will get me the car for, Abe, and Fixman looked over the car and he says +it's a great piece of work, Abe. He ain't got the slightest idee what I +am paying for the car and he says it is well worth twenty-five hundred +dollars."</p> + +<p>Abe shrugged his shoulders.</p> + +<p>"All right, Mawruss," he said. "It's your funeral. Go ahead and buy the +oitermobile; only I tell you right now, Mawruss, you are sinking +twenty-one hundred dollars cash."</p> + +<p>"Not cash, Abe," Morris corrected. "Pfingst is willing to take a six +months' note provided it is indorsed by Potash & Perlmutter."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 356 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_356" id="Page_356">[Pg 356]</a></span>It seemed hardly possible to Morris that more poignant emotion +could be displayed than in Abe's first reception of his news, but this +last suggestion almost finished Abe. For fifteen minutes he fought off +apoplexy and then the storm burst.</p> + +<p>"Say, lookyhere, Abe," Morris protested at the first lull, "you'll make +yourself sick."</p> + +<p>But Abe paused only to regain his breath, and it was at least five +minutes more before his vocabulary became exhausted. Then he sat down in +a chair and mopped his brow, while Morris hastened off to the +cutting-room from whence he was recalled a minute later by a shout from +Abe.</p> + +<p>"By jimminy, Mawruss!" he cried slapping his knee. "I got an idee. Go +ahead and buy your oitermobile from Pfingst and I will agree that Potash +& Perlmutter should endorse the note, y'understand, only one thing +besides. Pfingst has got to guarantee to us Kleebaum's account of +twenty-one hundred dollars."</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid he wouldn't do it, Abe," Morris said.</p> + +<p>"All right, then I wouldn't do it neither," Abe declared. "But anyhow, +Mawruss, it wouldn't do no harm to ask him. Ain't it? Where is this here +feller Pfingst?"</p> + +<p>"At Fiftieth Street and Broadway," Morris said.</p> + +<p>"Well, lookyhere, Mawruss," Abe announced jumping to his feet, "I'm +going right away and fill out one of them guarantees what Henry D. +Feldman<!-- Page 357 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_357" id="Page_357">[Pg 357]</a></span> fixes up for us, and also I will write out a note at six +months for twenty-one hundred dollars and indorse it with the firm's +name. Then if he wants to you could exchange the note for the guarantee, +Mawruss, and we could ship the goods right away."</p> + +<p>Morris shook his head doubtfully, while Abe went into the firm's private +office. He returned five minutes afterward flourishing the guarantee.</p> + +<p>It read as follows:</p> + +<p class="block1">In consideration of one dollar and other good and valuable +considerations I do hereby agree to pay to Potash & Perlmutter +Twenty-one hundred dollars ($2100) being the amount of a purchase made +by J. Edward Kleebaum from them, if he fails to pay said twenty-one +hundred dollars ($2100) on May 21st, 1909. I hereby waive notice of +Kleebaum's default and Potash & Perlmutter shall not be required to +exhaust their remedy against the said Kleebaum before recourse is had to +me. If a petition in bankruptcy be filed by or against said Kleebaum in +consideration aforesaid I promise to pay to Potash & Perlmutter on +demand the said sum of twenty-one hundred dollars.</p> <br /> <p>"If he signs that, +Mawruss," Abe said, "you are safe in giving him the note."</p> + +<p>Morris put on his hat and lit a cigar.</p> + +<p>"I will do this thing to satisfy you, Abe," he said, "but I tell you +right now, Abe, it ain't necessary, because Kleebaum is as good as gold, +y'understand, and if you don't want to ship him the goods you don't have +to."</p> + +<p>Abe grinned ironically.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 358 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_358" id="Page_358">[Pg 358]</a></span>"How could you talk like that, Mawruss, when the feller is doing +you a favor by selling you that oitermobile for twenty-one hundred +dollars!" he said. "And besides, Mawruss, if we ship him the goods and +he does bust up on us, Pfingst is got to pay the twenty-one hundred +dollars, and he couldn't make no claims for shortages or extra discounts +neither."</p> + +<p>"The idee is all right, Abe," Morris replied as he opened the show-room +door, "if the feller would sign it, which I don't think he would."</p> + +<p>With this ultimatum he hastened uptown to Pfingst's warerooms, where he +assured the automobile dealer that unless the guarantee was signed, +there would be no sale of the car, for he flatly declined to pay cash +and Pfingst refused to accept the purchaser's note without Potash & +Perlmutter's indorsement. After a lengthy discussion Pfingst receded +from his position and signed the guarantee, whereupon Morris surrendered +the note and returned to his place of business.</p> + +<p>On April 21st Potash & Perlmutter shipped Kleebaum's order, and one +week later Morris moved out to Johnsonhurst. Five days after his +migration to that garden spot of Greater New York he entered the firm's +show-room at a quarter past ten.</p> + +<p>"We got blocked at Flatbush Avenue this morning," he said to Abe, +"and——"</p> + +<p>But Abe was paying no attention to his partner's excuses. Instead he +thrust a morning paper at Morris<!-- Page 359 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_359" id="Page_359">[Pg 359]</a></span> and with a trembling forefinger +indicated the following scarehead:</p> + +<p +class="center">R I C H G I R L W E D S<br +/> +O W N C H A U F F E U R<br +/> +P F I N G S T F A M I L Y S H O C K E D B Y<br +/> +J U L I A 'S E L O P E M E N T<br +/> <span class="smcap">PAIR REPORTED IN SOUTH</span><br /> <span class="smcap">HEIRESS WAS ABOUT TO</span><br /> <span class="smcap">WED WEALTHY MERCHANT</span><br /> +<span class="smcap">BEFORE FLIGHT OCCURRED</span></p> <br /> + +<p>"What d'ye think of that, Mawruss," Abe cried.</p> + +<p>Morris read the story carefully before replying.</p> + +<p>"That's a hard blow to Kleebaum and old man Pfingst, Abe," he said.</p> + +<p>"I bet yer," Abe replied, "but it ain't near the hard blow it's going to +be to a couple of concerns what you and me know, Mawruss. Klinger told +me only yesterday that Kleebaum would get twenty thousand with that +girl, Mawruss, and I guess he needed it, Mawruss. Moe Rabiner says that +they got weather like January already out in Minnesota, and every retail +dry-goods concern is kicking that they ain't seen a dollar's worth of +business this spring."</p> + +<p>"But Kleebaum's got a tremendous following in Minneapolis, Abe," Morris +said. "He's got an oitermobile delivery system."</p> + +<p>"Don't pull that on me again, Mawruss," Abe broke in. "Women ain't +buying summer garments in cold weather just for the pleasure of seeing +the goods delivered in an oitermobile, which reminds me,<!-- Page 360 --><span class="pagenum"><a +name="Page_360" id="Page_360">[Pg 360]</a></span> Mawruss: Did Pfingst deliver you +his oitermobile yet?"</p> + +<p>Morris blushed.</p> + +<p>"It was delivered yesterday, Abe," he replied. "But the fact is, Abe, I +kinder changed my mind about that oitermobile. With oitermobiles I am a +new beginner already, so I figure it out this way. Why should I go to +work and try experiments with a high price car like that Pfingst car? +Ain't it? Now, you take a feller like Fixman who is already an expert, +y'understand, and that's something else again. Fixman tried out the car +last night, Abe, and he thinks it's an elegant car. So I made an +arrangement with him that he should pay me fifteen hundred dollars cash +and I would swap the Pfingst car for a 1907 model, Appalachian runabout. +That's a fine oitermobile, Abe, that Appalachian runabout. In the first +place, it's got a detachable tonneau and holds just as many people as +the Pfingst car already, only it ain't so complicated. Instead of a six +cylinder engine, Abe, it's only got a two cylinder engine."</p> + +<p>"Two is enough for a start, Mawruss," Abe commented.</p> + +<p>"Sure," Morris agreed, "and then again instead of a double chain drive +its only got a single chain drive, y'understand."</p> + +<p>Abe nodded. To him planetary and selective transmission were even as +conic sections.</p> + +<p>"Also it's got dry battery ignition, Abe," Morris concluded +triumphantly, "instead of one of them—now—magneto<!-- Page +361 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_361" id="Page_361">[Pg 361]</a></span> arrangements, which I ain't got no confidence in at +all."</p> + +<p>Abe nodded again.</p> + +<p>"I never had no confidence in dagoes neither," he said. "Fellers which +couldn't speak the English language properly, y'understand, is bound to +do you sooner or later."</p> + +<p>"So Fixman and me goes around last night to see a feller what lives out +in Johnsonhurst by the name Eleazer Levy which Fixman got it for a +lawyer, and we drew a bill of sale then and there, Abe, and Fixman give +me a check for fifteen hundred dollars on the Kosciusko Bank."</p> + +<p>"Was it certified?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"Well, it <i>wasn't</i>," Morris replied, "but I stopped off at the Kosciusko +Bank this morning and——"</p> + +<p>"You done right, Mawruss," Abe interrupted. "The first thing you know +Fixman would claim that the oitermobile ain't the same shade of red like +the sample, Mawruss, and stops the check."</p> + +<p>"Fixman ain't that kind, Abe," Morris retorted. "The only reason I +certified the check was that I happened to be in the neighborhood of the +bank, because when you are at the Bridge, Abe, all you got to do is to +take a Third Avenue car up Park Row to the Bowery and transfer to Grand +Street. Then you ride over ten blocks and get out at Clinton Street, +y'understand, and walk four blocks over. So long as it's so convenient, +Abe, I just stopped in and got it certified."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 362 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_362" id="Page_362">[Pg 362]</a></span>"A little journey like that I would think convenient, too, if I +would got to travel to Johnsonhurst every day, Mawruss," Abe commented, +"and anyhow, Mawruss, in a swap one of the fellers is always got an idee +he's stuck."</p> + +<p>"Well, it ain't me, Abe," Morris protested, "and just to show you, Abe, +me and Minnie wants you and Rosie you should come out and take dinner +with us on Sunday, and afterwards we could go out for a ride in the +runabout."</p> + +<p>"<i>Gott soll hüten</i>," Abe replied piously.</p> + +<p>"What d'ye mean!" Morris cried. "You wouldn't come out and have dinner +with us?"</p> + +<p>"Sure, we will come to dinner, Mawruss," Abe said, "but if we want to go +for a ride, Mawruss, a trolley car is good enough for Rosie and me."</p> + +<p>Nevertheless the following Sunday found Abe and Rosie snugly enclosed in +the detachable tonneau of the Appalachian runabout, while Morris sat at +the tiller with Minnie by his side and negotiated the easy grades of +rural Long Island at the decent speed of ten miles an hour.</p> + +<p>"Ain't it wonderful," Abe exclaimed, "what changes comes about in a +couple of years already! Former times when a lodge brother died, I used +to think the ride out to Cypress Hills was a pleasure already, Mawruss, +but when I think how rotten the roads was and what poor accommodations +them carriages was compared to this, Mawruss, I'm surprised that I could +have enjoyed myself at all. This here<!-- Page 363 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_363" id="Page_363">[Pg 363]</a></span> oitermobile riding is +something what you would call really comfortable, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>But Abe's observations were ill-timed, for hardly had he finished +speaking when the runabout slowed down to the accompaniment of loud +explosions in the muffler. Rosie's shrieks mingled with Abe's +exclamations, and when at length the car came to a stand-still and the +explosions ceased Abe scrambled down and helped out the half-fainting +Rosie.</p> + +<p>"Any car is liable to do that," Morris explained as Minnie searched for +a bottle of liquid restorative. "I could fix it in five minutes."</p> + +<p>At length Minnie found the bottle in the tire box, which contained, +instead of a tire, two dozen sandwiches, eight cold frankfurters, some +dill pickles and a <i>ringkuchen</i>, for they did not contemplate returning +to Johnsonhurst until long past supper time.</p> + +<p>Morris' estimate of the repair job's duration proved slightly +inaccurate. He messed around with his tool bag and explored the +carburetter again and again until two hours had elapsed without result. +During this period only a few motor cars had passed, for the road was +not a popular automobile thoroughfare. At length a large red car bore +down on them, and as it came within a hundred yards it slowed down and +came to a stop beside the Appalachian runabout. "Well, well," cried a +familiar voice, "if this ain't the whole firm of Potash & +Perlmutter."</p> + +<p>Abe looked up.</p> + +<p>"Hallo, Kleebaum," he exclaimed, "I thought you<!-- Page 364 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_364" id="Page_364">[Pg 364]</a></span> was home in +Minneapolis. What are you doing in New York?"</p> + +<p>"This ain't New York by about forty miles," Kleebaum replied. He was +seated at the side of a square-jawed professional chauffeur who eyed +with ill-concealed mirth Morris' very unprofessional handling of +automobile tools.</p> + +<p>"Lemme look at it," the chauffeur said, as he climbed from his seat. He +gave a hasty glance at the dry battery ignition and laughed +uproariously.</p> + +<p>"You'se guys will stay here till Christmas if you expect to get that car +into running condition," he said. "The only thing for you'se to do is to +let me give you a tow into Jamaica. They'll fix you up at the garage +there."</p> + +<p>"I'm much obliged to you," Morris replied.</p> + +<p>"Don't mention it," the chauffeur went on. "I won't charge you +unreasonable. Ten dollars is my figure."</p> + +<p>"What!" Abe and Morris cried with one voice.</p> + +<p>"Why, you wouldn't charge these gentlemen nothing," Kleebaum said with a +violent wink. "They're friends of mine."</p> + +<p>"I know they was friends of yours," the chauffeur replied, "and that's +why I made it ten dollars. Anyone else I'd say twenty."</p> + +<p>For almost half an hour Abe and Morris haggled with the chauffeur. They +were vigorously supported by Kleebaum, who punctuated his scathing +condemnation of the chauffeur's greed with a series of surreptitious<!-- +Page 365 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_365" id="Page_365">[Pg 365]</a></span> winks which encouraged the latter to remain firm in +his demand. Finally Morris peeled off two five-dollar bills and an hour +later the Appalachian runabout was ignominiously hauled into a Jamaica +garage.</p> + +<p>The chauffeur alighted from his car and drew the proprietor of the +garage aside into his private office.</p> + +<p>"Billy," he said in a hoarse whisper, "this here baby carriage is got +the oldest brand of dry battery ignition and one of the wires has come +loose from the binding screw. It'll take about a minute and a half to +fix."</p> + +<p>The proprietor nodded and passed over a dollar bill. Then he sprang out +onto the floor of the garage.</p> + +<p>"Ryan," he bellowed to his foreman, "get the big jack, and tell Schwartz +to start up the motor lathe."</p> + +<p>Then he turned to Abe and Mawruss.</p> + +<p>"This here'll be a two hours' job, gents," he said, "and I advise you to +get your supper at the hotel acrosst the street."</p> + +<p>"But how much is it going to cost us?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>For five minutes the proprietor figured on the back of an envelope.</p> + +<p>"Fifteen dollars and twenty-two cents," he said, and Abe and Morris +staggered to the street, followed by their wives.</p> + +<p>Twenty minutes later Kleebaum and the chauffeur drew up in front of a +road house.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 366 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_366" id="Page_366">[Pg 366]</a></span>"Your blow," the chauffeur cried.</p> + +<p>Kleebaum nodded.</p> + +<p>"Come across with that five first," he said, and after the transfer had +been made they disappeared into the sabbatical entrance.</p> + +<p>"Well, Mawruss," Abe exclaimed when Morris entered the show-room at ten +o'clock the next morning. "What did I told you last week! Wasn't I +right?"</p> + +<p>"I know you told me that one party to a swap was practically bound to +get stuck, Abe," Morris admitted, "but with an +oitermobile——"</p> + +<p>"Again oitermobile!" Abe cried. "You got oitermobile on the brain, +Mawruss. Whenever I open my mouth, Mawruss, you got an idee I'm going to +talk about oitermobiles. This is something else again. Didn't you get a +morning paper, Mawruss?"</p> + +<p>Morris shrugged.</p> + +<p>"When a feller lives out in a place called Johnsonhurst, Abe," he +replied sadly, "he is lucky if he could get a cup of coffee before he +leaves the house. Our range is busted."</p> + +<p>"Something else is busted, too, Mawruss," Abe said as he handed the +morning paper to Morris. The page which contained the "Business +Troubles" column was folded at the following news item:</p> <br /> <p class="block1"><span class="smcap">J. Edward +Kleebaum</span>, Minneapolis, Minn. The Wonder Cloak and Suit Store, J. Edward +Kleebaum, Proprietor, was closed up by the sheriff under an execution in +favor of Joseph Pfingst, who recovered a judgment yesterday in the +Supreme Court for $5800, money loaned. Kleebaum is supposed to be in New +York trying to make some arrangements with his creditors. Later in the +day a petition in bankruptcy was filed against him by Kugler, Jacobi and +Henck representing the following New York creditors:—Klinger & +Klein, $2500; Sammet Brothers, $1800; Lapidus & Elenbogen, $750.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 367 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_367" id="Page_367">[Pg 367]</a></span></p> <br /> <p>Morris handed the paper back to his partner.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," he said, "what are we going to do about it?"</p> + +<p>"We already done it, Mawruss," Abe replied. "I sent down Pfingst's +guarantee to Henry D. Feldman at nine o'clock already, and I told him he +shouldn't wait, but if Pfingst wouldn't pay up to-day yet to sue him in +the courts."</p> + +<p>Morris shrugged his shoulders.</p> + +<p>"We shouldn't be in such a hurry, Abe," he said. "Pfingst treated us +right, and why shouldn't we give him a chance to make good?"</p> + +<p>"Because he don't deserve it, Mawruss," Abe rejoined as he started off +for the show-room. "If he would of took better care of his daughter she +wouldn't of run off with this here chauffeur, and Kleebaum wouldn't got +to fail. Also, Mawruss, you shouldn't talk that way neither, because if +it wouldn't be for Pfingst you wouldn't got stuck with that oitermobile +which we rode in it yesterday."</p> + +<p>"Well, I ain't out much on it, Abe."</p> + +<p>"What d'ye mean you ain't out much on it?" Abe exclaimed. "It stands you +in six hundred dollars, ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"Sure, I know," Morris replied, "but this morning<!-- Page 368 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_368" id="Page_368">[Pg 368]</a></span> I come +downtown with the feller what rents us the house out in Johnsonhurst and +you never seen a feller so crazy about oitermobiles in all your life, +Abe."</p> + +<p>"Except you, Mawruss," Abe broke in.</p> + +<p>"Me, I ain't so crazy about 'em no longer," Morris declared. "So I fixed +it up with this feller that he should take the Appalachian runabout off +my hands for four hundred dollars and he should also give me a +cancelation of the lease which we got of his house. Furthermore, Abe, +he pays our moving expenses back to a Hundred and Eighteenth Street."</p> + +<p>Abe sat down in the nearest chair.</p> + +<p>"So you're going to move back to a Hundred and Eighteenth Street, +Mawruss," he exclaimed. "Why, what's the matter with Johnsonhurst, +Mawruss? I thought you told it me Johnsonhurst was such a fine place."</p> + +<p>"So it is, Abe," Morris admitted. "The air is great out there, Abe, but +at the same time, Abe, the air ain't so rotten on a Hundred and +Eighteenth Street neither, y'understand, and the train service is a +whole lot better."</p> + +<p>"You're right, Mawruss," Abe said, "and with all these oitermobile rides +and things you waste too much time already. A feller should always +consider business ahead of pleasure."</p> + +<p>Morris looked at his bruised and oil stained hands.</p> + +<p>"Oitermobile riding!" he cried. "That's a pleasure, Abe. Believe me I'd +as lief work in a rolling mill."</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <p><!-- Page 369 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_369" id="Page_369">[Pg 369]</a></span></p> <h2>CHAPTER XVI</h2> + +<br /> <br /> <p>Morris Perlmutter's front parlor represented an eclectic taste, and +the fine arts had been liberally patronized in its decoration. On the +wall hung various subjects in oil, including still life, landscapes, +marine scenes and figures, all of which had been billed to Morris by a +Fourteenth Street dealer as:</p> <br /> <table class="tspec2" summary="pricelist"> <tr> <td class="td1">8/12 dozen assorted oil paintings</td> <td class="td2">@</td> <td class="td3">$96</td> +<td class="td4">$64</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="td1">8/12 dozen shadow boxes for paintings</td> <td class="td2">@</td> <td class="td3">12</td> <td class="td4">8</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="td1"></td> <td class="td2"></td> <td class="td3"></td> <td +class="td4">¯¯¯</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="td1"></td> <td class="td2"></td> <td class="td3"></td> <td class="td4">$72</td> </tr> </table> <br /> <p>But it was not at the oil +paintings that B. Rashkin gazed. His eyes sought instead the framed and +glazed certificate of membership of Morris Perlmutter in Harmony Lodge +41, Independent Order Mattai Aaron.</p> + +<p>"Them very people hold the mortgage, Mr. Perlmutter," Rashkin said, +"and with the influence what you got it in the order, why——"</p> + +<p>"Lookyhere, Rashkin," Perlmutter interrupted, "you're a real estater, +and if you don't get up at eight o'clock then you get up at nine, and +it's all the same; but me, I am in the cloak business, and I got to get +downtown at seven o'clock, and so I'm going to tell you again what I +told it you before. Go<!-- Page 370 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_370" id="Page_370">[Pg 370]</a></span> and see Abe to-morrow, and put this +proposition up to him like it was something you never told me nothing +about, y'understand? Then if he makes the suggestion to me, Rashkin, I +would say all right. Because if it should be me what would make the +suggestion to him, y'understand, he wouldn't have nothing to do with it. +And even if he should consent to go into it, and if we lost money on the +deal, Rashkin, I wouldn't never hear the end of it."</p> + +<p>Rashkin nodded and seized his hat.</p> + +<p>"All right," he said, "I will do what you say, Mr. Perlmutter. But +with them three lots it's like this: they're owned by——"</p> + +<p>Morris yawned with a noise like a performing sea lion.</p> + +<p>"Tell it to Potash to-morrow, Rashkin," he said, and led the way to the +hall door.</p> + +<p>Accordingly the next morning Rashkin entered the salesroom of Potash +& Perlmutter, where Abe was scanning the "Arrival of Buyers" column +in the Daily Cloak and Suit Record.</p> + +<p>"Good morning, Mr. Potash," B. Rashkin said. "Ain't it a fine +weather?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, good morning," Abe cried.</p> + +<p>"You don't know my face, do you?" Rashkin said.</p> + +<p>"I know your face," Abe said, "but your name ain't familiar. I guess I +seen you in Seattle, ain't it?"</p> + +<p>B. Rashkin nodded. He had never been farther West than Jersey City +Heights.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 371 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_371" id="Page_371">[Pg 371]</a></span>"Well, how is things in Seattle, Mister—er——"</p> + +<p>"Rashkin," B. Rashkin supplied.</p> + +<p>"Rashkin?" Abe went on, and then he paused, but not for an answer. +"Rashkin—why, I don't know no one from that name in Seattle."</p> + +<p>"No?" Rashkin replied. "Well, the fact is, Mr. Potash, I ain't come +to see you about Seattle. I come to see you about three lots up in Two +Hundred and Sixty-fourth Street."</p> + +<p>The urbane smile faded at once from Abe's face and gave place to a dark +scowl.</p> + +<p>"Oh!" he exclaimed, "a real estater. I ain't got no time to fool away +with real estaters."</p> + +<p>"This ain't fooling away your time, Mr. Potash," Rashkin said. "Let +me explain the proposition to you."</p> + +<p>Without waiting for permission he at once divulged the object of his +visit, while Abe listened with the bored air of an unemployed leading +man at a professional matinée.</p> + +<p>"Yes, Mr. Potash," B. Rashkin concluded, after half an hour's +conversation, "I seen it bargains in my time, but these here lots is the +biggest bargains yet."</p> + +<p>"Vacant lots ain't never bargains, Rashkin," Abe commented. "What's the +use from vacant lots, anyway? A feller what's got vacant lots is like I +would say I am in the cloak business if I only get it an empty store +with nothing in it."</p> + +<p>Abe glanced proudly around him at the well-stocked<!-- Page 372 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_372" id="Page_372">[Pg 372]</a></span> racks, where +the new season's goods were neatly arranged for prospective buyers.</p> + +<p>"But the real-estate business ain't like the cloak business, +Mr. Potash," B. Rashkin said.</p> + +<p>"Real estate!" Abe interrupted. "Vacant lots ain't no real estate, +Rashkin. Vacant lots is just imitation real estate. You couldn't say you +got it real estate when you only got vacant lots, no more as a feller +what buys a gold setting could say he's got it a diamond ring."</p> + +<p>"Diamonds is something else again," said B. Rashkin. "I ain't no judge +of diamonds, Mr. Potash, but about real estate, Mr. Potash, I +ain't no fool neither, y'understand, and these here three lots what I +talk to you about is the only three vacant lots in the neighborhood."</p> + +<p>"Might you think that's a recommendation, maybe, Rashkin," Abe replied, +"but I don't. You come around here to try to sell it me a couple of +lots, and you got to admit yourself they're stickers."</p> + +<p>"They ain't stickers, Mr. Potash," B. Rashkin protested.</p> + +<p>"No?" Abe said. "What's the reason they ain't stickers, Rashkin? If they +ain't stickers why ain't somebody built on 'em?"</p> + +<p>"You don't understand," B. Rashkin explained. "Them lots is an estate +that was in litigation, and it's only just been settled up; so that they +couldn't sell 'em no matter who would want to buy 'em. Now I got 'em to +entertain an offer of eighty-three thirty-three<!-- Page 373 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_373" id="Page_373">[Pg 373]</a></span> apiece, or +twenty-five thousand for the three lots, all cash above a blanket +mortgage of ten thousand dollars held by the Independent Order Mattai +Aaron. I seen it also Milton M. Sugarman, the attorney for the +I. O. M. A., and he tells me that they would probably be +agreeable to make a building loan on them lots of twenty-five thousand +on each thirty-seven six front."</p> + +<p>"That don't interest me none neither," Abe replied, "because I ain't in +the building business, Rashkin; I am in the cloak and suit business."</p> + +<p>"Sure, I know," said Rashkin; "but this is an opportunity which it +wouldn't occur again oncet in twenty years."</p> + +<p>"Don't limit yourself, Rashkin," Abe retorted. "Make it fifty years. +It's all the same to me, because I wouldn't touch it, Rashkin."</p> + +<p>"But, Mr. Potash," Rashkin broke in, "if your partner, +Mr. Perlmutter, would be agreeable, wouldn' you consider it?"</p> + +<p>"What's the use asking me hypocritical questions, Rashkin?" Abe replied. +"Mawruss would no more touch it as I would. You don't know what a crank +I got it for a partner, Rashkin. If I would just hint that I wanted to +buy real estate, y'understand, that feller would go all up in the air. +And even if he would buy it with me yet, and we should lose maybe a +little money, I would never hear the end of it. That's the way it goes +with a feller like Mawruss Perlmutter, Rashkin."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 374 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_374" id="Page_374">[Pg 374]</a></span>B. Rashkin put on his hat and rose sadly.</p> + +<p>"Well, Mr. Potash," he concluded, "all I can say is you lost a +splendid opportunity. Why, if I could only get it a feller to take over +one of them thirty-seven six parcels, I would buy the other one myself +and put up a fine building there?"</p> + +<p>"I'm sure I ain't stopping you, Rashkin," Abe said. "Go ahead and build, +and I wish you all the luck you could want; and if you should get +somebody else to take the other one and a half lots, I wish him the same +and many of 'em. Also, Rashkin, if I was a real estater I would be glad +to fool away my time with you, Rashkin, but being as I am in the cloak +business I—you ain't going, Rashkin, are you?"</p> + +<p>Rashkin answered by banging the door behind him and Abe repaired to the +cutting-room, where Morris Perlmutter was superintending the reception +and disposal of piece goods.</p> + +<p>"Who was that salesman you was talking to a while ago, Abe?" he asked +innocently.</p> + +<p>"That wasn't no salesman, Mawruss; that was a loafer," Abe replied.</p> + +<p>"A loafer!" Morris said. "He didn't look like a loafer, Abe. He looked +like a real estater."</p> + +<p>"Well, Mawruss," said Abe, "to me a real estater looks like a loafer, +especially, Mawruss, when he comes around with a bum proposition like he +got it."</p> + +<p>"What for a proposition was it, Abe?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 375 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_375" id="Page_375">[Pg 375]</a></span>"Ask me!" Abe exclaimed. "That real estater gives me a long +story about some vacant lots, and an estate, and the Independent Order +Mattai Aaron, and a lot more stuff what I don't believe the feller +understands about himself."</p> + +<p>"But there you was talking to that real estater pretty near an hour, +Abe, and you couldn't even tell it me what he wants at all," Morris +protested.</p> + +<p>"To tell you the truth, Mawruss," Abe replied, "I ain't interested in +what real estaters says. Real estaters, insurance canvassers and book +agents, Mawruss, is all the same to me. They go in by one ear and come +out by the other."</p> + +<p>"Why, for all you know, Abe, the feller would have maybe some big +bargains."</p> + +<p>"If you are looking for bargains like that feller got it, Mawruss," Abe +retorted, "you could find plenty of 'em by green-goods men. If you give +me my choice between gold bricks and vacant lots, Mawruss, I would say +gold bricks."</p> + +<p>Morris turned away impatiently.</p> + +<p>"What do you know about real estate, Abe?" he cried.</p> + +<p>"Not much, Mawruss," Abe admitted, "but I know one thing about gold +bricks, Mawruss: you don't got to pay no taxes on 'em."</p> + +<p>That evening B. Rashkin again presented himself at the One Hundred and +Eighteenth Street residence of Morris Perlmutter, and with him came +Isaac Pinsky, of the firm of Pinsky & Gubin, architects.<!-- Page +376 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_376" id="Page_376">[Pg 376]</a></span> Mr. Pinsky had a roll of blue-prints under his arm +and a strong line of convincing argument at the tip of his tongue, and +the combination proved too much for Morris. Before Rashkin and Pinsky +left that evening, Morris had undertaken to purchase a plot thirty-seven +feet six inches by one hundred feet, adjacent to a similar plot to be +purchased by Rashkin. Moreover, he and Rashkin engaged themselves to +erect two houses, one on each lot, from the plans and specifications +that Pinsky held under his arm. Each house was to be identical with the +other in design, construction and material, and an appointment was then +and there made for noon the next day at the office of Henry D. Feldman, +attorney at law, for the purpose of more formally consummating the deal.</p> + +<p>Thus, when Morris entered the show-room the next morning it became his +duty to break the news to his partner, and he approached Abe with a +now-for-it air. "Well, Abe," he said, "you was wrong."</p> + +<p>"Sure, I was, Mawruss," Abe replied amiably. "With you I am always +wrong. What's the matter now?"</p> + +<p>"You was wrong about that feller Rashkin," Morris explained. "He was up +to my house last night, and put the same proposition up to me what he +told it you yesterday, and the way I figure it, Abe, we would make money +on the deal."</p> + +<p>"I ain't so good on figures what you are, Mawruss," Abe replied. "All I +can figure is I got enough<!-- Page 377 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_377" id="Page_377">[Pg 377]</a></span> to do to attend to my own business, +Mawruss, without going into the building business."</p> + +<p>"But we wouldn't got to go into the building business, Abe," Morris +protested. "All we got to do is to put down eight thousand dollars for +the lot. Then the I. O. M. A. makes us a building loan of +twenty-five thousand dollars. Rashkin's got plans and specifications +drawn by Pinsky & Gubin, a first-class, A Number One archy-teck +concern, for which he wouldn't charge us nothing, and then, +Abe——"</p> + +<p>He paused to fix Abe's attention before finishing his explanation.</p> + +<p>"And then, Abe," he continued, "we hire my Minnie's brother, Ferdy, what +knows the building business from A to Z, to build it the house for us. +All we would got to do is to put up the four thousand apiece, Abe, and +when the house is finished Rashkin says we could sell it like a flash."</p> + +<p>"I never sold a flash, Mawruss," Abe said; "and, anyhow, Mawruss, while +I ain't saying nothing about your Minnie's family, y'understand, if I +would got to go into a deal with a horse-thief like Ferdy Rothschild, +y'understand, I would take my money first and deposit it for safety with +some of them fellers up in Sing Sing. Such a show I should have of +getting it back, Mawruss." "Lookyhere, Abe," Morris said, "before you +would make some cracks about my Minnie's family, how about your Rosie's +brother, the one what——"</p> + +<p>"S'all right, Mawruss," Abe broke in. "I ain't<!-- Page 378 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_378" id="Page_378">[Pg 378]</a></span> saying my wife's +brother is so much, neither. This is the way I feel about a feller's +wife's brother: If he got a little money then he treats you like a dawg, +Mawruss, and if he's broke, y'understand, then your wife gives him all +your cigars and ties, and if you should happen to have the same size +neck, Mawruss, then all your life you are buying collars and shirts for +two. No, Mawruss, I ain't got no confidence in anybody's wife's brother, +especially, Mawruss, if a feller should make it a dirty failure like +Ferdy Rothschild did and then takes all the money and blows it in on the +horse-races."</p> + +<p>"That's from old times already," Morris protested. "To-day he's a +decent, hard-working feller, Abe, and for two years he's been working +for the Rheingold Building and Construction Company. What he don't know +about putting up tenement houses, Abe, ain't worth knowing."</p> + +<p>"And what I don't know about putting up tenement houses, Mawruss," Abe +said, "would fill one of them Carnegie Libraries, Mawruss; and also, +furthermore, Mawruss, I don't want to know nothing about it, neither. +And also, Mawruss, if you should stand there and talk to me all day it +wouldn't make no difference. If you want to build tenement houses, +Mawruss, you got my permission; but you could leave me out. I got my own +troubles with cloaks."</p> + +<p>Morris rose.</p> + +<p>"All right, Abe," he said. "I give you your chance, Abe, and you +wouldn't take it."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 379 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_379" id="Page_379">[Pg 379]</a></span>"What d'ye mean, Mawruss?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"I mean, Abe, that I will go into this alone by myself, and only one +thing I beg of you, Abe: don't come to me in six months' time and claim +that I wouldn't let you in on a good thing. I have done my best."</p> + +<p>The air of simple dignity with which Morris delivered his ultimatum was +marred to some extent by a raucous laugh from Abe.</p> + +<p>"Don't do me no favors, Mawruss," he jeered. "All I got to say is that +if I was you, Mawruss, I would get this here archy-teck and B. Rashkin, +and also your brother-in-law, Ferdy, together, and I would make 'em an +offer of settlement for, say, three thousand dollars, Mawruss. Because +the way I figure it out, this thing would stand you in as much money as +that and a whole lot of worry, too."</p> + +<p>"You shouldn't be so generous with your advice, Abe," Morris retorted.</p> + +<p>"Oh, I don't charge you nothing for it, Mawruss," Abe said, as he turned +to the "Arrival of Buyers" column, and, for lack of appropriate +rejoinder, Morris snorted indignantly and banged the show-room door +behind him.</p> + +<p>For the remainder of the afternoon Abe's face wore a malicious grin. It +was there when Morris left to keep his appointment at Henry D. Feldman's +office, and when he returned four hours later the malice, if anything, +had intensified.</p> + +<p>"Well, Mawruss," Abe cried, "I suppose you fixed it all up?"</p> + +<p><!-- Page 380 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_380" id="Page_380">[Pg 380]</a></span>"It don't go so quick, Abe," Morris replied. His manner was as +cheerful as only that of a man who has struggled hard to repress a fit +of violent profanity can be—for the meeting at Henry D. Feldman's +office had been fraught with many nerve-racking incidents. <i>Imprimis</i>, +there had been Feldman's retainer, a generous one, and then had come the +discussion of the building-loan agreement with Milton M. Sugarman, +attorney for the I. O. M. A.</p> + +<p>Feldman assured Morris that it was customary for the borrower to pay the +fees of the attorney for the lender, incidental to drawing and recording +the necessary papers, and Morris had also learned that the high premiums +of insurance for the building to be erected would come out of his +pocket. Moreover, he had seen B. Rashkin credited with commissions for +bringing about Morris' purchase of the lot, and for the first time he +had ascertained that he also owed B. Rashkin two hundred and fifty +dollars commission for procuring a building loan from the +I. O. M. A.</p> + +<p>So far he reckoned that his investment exceeded B. Rashkin's by a +thousand dollars, and when he considered that B. Rashkin would be his +own superintendent of construction, while he, Morris, would be obliged +to hire Ferdy Rothschild, at a compensation of seven hundred and fifty +dollars, to perform that same office for him, Abe's advice appeared too +sound to be pleasant.</p> + +<p>"No, Abe," he said, "it don't go so quick. I got another appointment for +next week."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 381 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_381" id="Page_381">[Pg 381]</a></span>Abe grunted.</p> + +<p>"All I got to say, Mawruss," he commented, "you shouldn't forget you are +a partner in a cloak and suit business."</p> + +<p>"Don't worry," Morris replied; "you wouldn't let me forget that, Abe." +He strode off toward the cutting-room and once more Abe resumed his +fixed grin.</p> + +<p>It must be confessed that through the entire six months of his building +operations Morris maintained a stoic calm that effectually hid the storm +raging within his breast. All the annoyances incidental to building a +house were heaped on Morris, and both he and Rashkin, equally, suffered +petty blackmail at the hands of the attorney and the architect for the +building-loan mortgagee.</p> + +<p>In the meantime Abe's grin gained in breadth and malice, and on more +than one occasion Morris had foregone the pleasure of assaulting his +partner only by the exercise of remarkable self-control.</p> + +<p>"Do me the favor, Abe," he said at length, "and let me in on this joke."</p> + +<p>"It ain't no joke, Mawruss," Abe replied. "I thought you found that out +already."</p> + +<p>"If you mean the house, Abe," Morris answered, "all I got to say is +that, if there should be any joke about it, Abe, the joke is on you, for +that house is pretty near finished."</p> + +<p>"I'm glad to hear it, Mawruss," Abe said. "I suppose Ferdy Rothschild +did it a good job on the house."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 382 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_382" id="Page_382">[Pg 382]</a></span>"Sure, he did," Morris said.</p> + +<p>"He didn't get no rake-offs from material men or nothing, Mawruss. +What?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"Rake-offs!" Morris cried. "What d'ye mean by that?"</p> + +<p>"I mean I seen it Gussarow, the glass man, on the subway last night, +Mawruss," Abe explained, "and he says that for every pane of glass what +went into your house, Mawruss, Ferdy Rothschild gets his rake-off."</p> + +<p>"Well, what do I care?" Morris retorted. "If Gussarow could stand it, +Abe, I can."</p> + +<p>"Gussarow can stand it all right, Mawruss," Abe said reassuringly. "All +he's got to do is to put it on the bill."</p> + +<p>"Well, if he put it on my bill, Abe," Morris replied, "he also put it on +Rashkin's bill, because him and me bought the same building material all +the way through, and I wouldn't pay no bills till I saw that Rashkin +don't get charged less as I do."</p> + +<p>This was conclusive, and Abe's grin relaxed for several inches, nor did +it resume its normal width until some days later when Morris began to +negotiate for his permanent mortgage loan. Once Morris remonstrated with +him for his levity.</p> + +<p>"Must you go around looking like a crazy idiot, Abe?"</p> + +<p>"I must got to laugh, Mawruss," Abe protested, "when I seen it Sam +Feder, of the Kosciusko Bank, this morning, and he tells it me you got a +permanent<!-- Page 383 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_383" id="Page_383">[Pg 383]</a></span> mortgage from the I. O. M. A. He says +Milton M. Sugarman told him you got it ahead of Rashkin, because you got +influence as a lodge brother of Sugarman."</p> + +<p>"Sure, I did," Morris admitted.</p> + +<p>"And then, Mawruss," Abe went on, "Rashkin hears that the +I. O. M. A. is going to make you a permanent loan, so he +goes to see Sugarman too."</p> + +<p>"That's right," Morris agreed.</p> + +<p>"And he says to Sugarman that so long as Sugarman is got to search the +title to your house he wouldn't have to search the title to Rashkin's +house, because both houses stands on the same piece of property. So he +makes a proposition that if Sugarman would charge him only a hundred +dollars he would put in an application by the I. O. M. A. +for a permanent loan. Otherwise he would get it from a life-insurance +company."</p> + +<p>Morris nodded ironically.</p> + +<p>"And Sugarman says he would do it, I suppose," he broke in. "No, Abe, +Sugarman ain't built that way. It costs me five hundred dollars for that +loan, Abe."</p> + +<p>"I know it did, Mawruss," Abe said, "and Feder says that Sugarman told +him he charges you five hundred dollars, and so he don't want to be a +hog, Mawruss, and, therefore, he closes with Rashkin for a hundred and +fifty."</p> + +<p>Morris' jaw dropped and he stared at Abe.</p> + +<p>"Furthermore, Mawruss," Abe went on, "Rashkin<!-- Page 384 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_384" id="Page_384">[Pg 384]</a></span> comes in to see +Feder the other day and tells Feder he would be glad to make a quick +turn. And he tells Feder that house stands him in eight thousand dollars +cash and he would be glad to sell it for forty-four five, all cash above +the new first mortgage of thirty-three thousand."</p> + +<p>Morris nodded.</p> + +<p>"But, Abe," he croaked, "how could he do that? Reckoning all the +mortgages and everything, and what I invested and paid out for building +material over and above the building loan, that house stands me in just +eleven thousand two hundred and fifty dollars cash. If I would come out +even on that house I got to sell it for forty-five seven-fifty, and I +reckoned on forty-seven thousand as a fair price for the house."</p> + +<p>"Sure, you did," Abe said cheerfully.</p> + +<p>"And how that feller, Rashkin, could claim that his house stands him in +eight thousand dollars cash is more as I could understand, Abe," Morris +said. "Because while I know it I spent for commissions and for Ferdy +Rothschild a couple thousand more as Rashkin, Abe, our building material +cost the same, Abe."</p> + +<p>"Sure it did—on the bills, Mawruss," Abe replied; "but Gussarow +says that of course he don't know nothing about the other material men, +but when he sends the bill to you he also sends the same bill to +Rashkin, and when you send him a check for your bill, Ferdy Rothschild +gets five per cent. Also Rashkin<!-- Page 385 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_385" id="Page_385">[Pg 385]</a></span> sends Gussarow a check for his +bill with five per cent. discount, and Ferdy Rothschild <i>schmiers</i> +Rashkin a twenty-dollar note, and that's the way it goes."</p> + +<p>Morris sat down in the nearest chair and blinked helplessly at Abe.</p> + +<p>"What do you think for a couple of crooks like that, Abe?" he croaked.</p> + +<p>"What do I think, Mawruss?" Abe repeated. "I think that one of 'em is a +brother-in-law, Mawruss, and the other is a real estater, Mawruss, and +that's a bad combination."</p> + +<p>"But I could make 'em arrested, Abe?" Morris declared, "and, by jimminy, +I will do it, too."</p> + +<p>Abe shrugged.</p> + +<p>"You couldn't do that, Mawruss," he said, "because in the first place, +Mawruss, your Minnie wouldn't stand for it; and in the second place, +them two fellers would fix up a fine story between 'em and the judge +would let 'em go. And then, Mawruss, they would turn around and go to +work and sue you for false arresting; and the first thing you know, +Mawruss, it would stand you in a couple of thousand dollars more."</p> + +<p>Morris nodded sadly.</p> + +<p>"I believe you're right, Abe," he murmured.</p> + +<p>"Sure, I'm right, Mawruss," Abe said; "and also, Mawruss, while I +wouldn't want to say nothing to make you feel worse already, I got to +say, Mawruss, that if you would believe I was right six months ago yet, +you wouldn't got to believe I was right now."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 386 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_386" id="Page_386">[Pg 386]</a></span>Morris nodded again. He was thoroughly crushed, and he looked so +appealingly at his partner that Abe was unable to withhold his comfort +and advice.</p> + +<p>"Lookyhere, Mawruss," he said, "a feller's got to make a mistake +sometimes. Ain't it? And if he didn't get stuck for a couple of thousand +dollars oncet in a while he wouldn't know the value of his money. Ain't +it? But as this thing stands now, Mawruss, I got an idee you ain't stuck +so bad as what you think."</p> + +<p>"No?" Morris said. "Why ain't I, Abe?"</p> + +<p>"Well, Mawruss, I'll tell you," Abe began, with no clear conception of +how he would finish. "You know me, Mawruss; I ain't a feller what's got +a whole lot to say for myself, but I ain't got such bad judgment, +neither, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"I seen fellers with worser judgment as you, Abe," Morris said.</p> + +<p>Abe could not forbear a stare of astonishment at this grudging +admission.</p> + +<p>"At last you got to admit it, Mawruss," he cried; "but anyhow, Mawruss, +go ahead and finish up this here permanent-mortgage-loan business, and +then, Mawruss, I will do all I can to help you out."</p> + +<p>Morris rose to his feet.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," he began in shaking tones, "I must got to say that +I——"</p> + +<p>"Lookyhere, Mawruss," Abe broke in savagely, "ain't we fooled away +enough time here this morning?<!-- Page 387 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_387" id="Page_387">[Pg 387]</a></span> Just because you got your +troubles with this here building, Mawruss, ain't no reason why we +shouldn't attend to business, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>He handed Morris a black cigar, and as they started for the cutting-room +they gave vent to their pent-up emotions in great clouds of comforting +smoke.</p> + +<p>The next fortnight was fraught with so many disagreeable experiences for +Morris that he appeared to age visibly, and once more Abe was moved to +express his sympathy.</p> + +<p>"You shouldn't take on so, Mawruss," he said, the morning after the +permanent loan was closed. "The first thing you know, Mawruss, you will +be getting a nervous break-up, already."</p> + +<p>"I bet yer I would get a nervous break-up, Abe," Morris agreed. "If you +would be me, Abe, you would get a nervous break-up, too. In the first +place, Abe, I got to pay them suckers—them archy-tecks, Pinsky +& Gubin, a hundred dollars before they would give it me their final +certificate, and then, Abe, I got to <i>schmier</i> it a feller in the +tenement-house department another hundred dollars. And then, Abe, I told +it them other two crooks what I thought of 'em, Abe, and you ought to +hear the way that horse-thief talks back to me, already."</p> + +<p>"Horse-thief!" Abe said. "Which one, Mawruss?"</p> + +<p>"That Ferdy Rothschild, Abe," Morris continued. "So sure as I stand +here, Abe, if that feller wouldn't<!-- Page 388 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_388" id="Page_388">[Pg 388]</a></span> be my wife's brother, I would +make for him a couple blue eyes he wouldn't forgot so quick."</p> + +<p>"With a feller like that, Mawruss," Abe said, "you shouldn't bother +yourself at all. If you make a lowlife bum a couple blue eyes, he will +make you also a couple blue eyes, maybe, and that's all there is to it, +Mawruss. But when you make it a crook like Ferdy Rothschild a couple +blue eyes, then that's something else again. Such a <i>schwindler</i> like +him, Mawruss, would turn right around and sue you in the courts yet for +damages, and the first thing you know you are stuck for a couple +thousand dollars."</p> + +<p>"Well, I am through with him, anyhow," Morris replied, "so we wouldn't +talk no more about him. A dirty dawg like him, Abe, ain't worth +a—a——" He was searching his mind for a sufficiently +trivial standard of comparison when Abe interrupted him.</p> + +<p>"I thought you wasn't going to talk about him, Mawruss," he said; "and, +anyhow, Mawruss, what's the use talking about things what is past +already? What we got to do now, Mawruss, is to sell that house."</p> + +<p>"I know it, Abe," Morris replied ruefully, "but how are we going to sell +that house with B. Rashkin going around offering to sell the identical +same house for forty-four five? If I would be lucky enough to get +forty-five seven-fifty for mine, Abe, I would still be out several +hundred dollars."</p> + +<p>"You talk foolish, Mawruss; you would get forty-seven thousand, sure, +for that house."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 389 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_389" id="Page_389">[Pg 389]</a></span>"Would I?" Morris cried. "How would I do that?"</p> + +<p>"Leave that to me," Abe replied.</p> + +<p>He put on his hat and coat.</p> + +<p>"Where are you going, Abe?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>Abe waggled his head solemnly.</p> + +<p>"You shouldn't ask me, Mawruss," he said. "I got an idee."</p> + +<p>It was a quarter to twelve when Abe left the loft building on Nineteenth +Street, and he repaired immediately to the real-estate salesroom on +Vesey Street, where auction sales of real estate are held at noon daily. +To this center of real-estate activity comes every real-estate broker of +the East Side, together with his brothers from Harlem and the Bronx, and +Abe felt reasonably sure that B. Rashkin would be on hand.</p> + +<p>Indeed, he had hardly entered the salesroom when he descried B. Rashkin +standing on the outskirts of a little throng that surrounded the rostrum +of a popular auctioneer.</p> + +<p>"Now, gentlemen," said the auctioneer, "what am I offered for this +six-story, four-family house. Remember, gentlemen, it is practically new +and stands on a lot forty by a hundred."</p> + +<p>"Forty thousand," said a voice at Abe's elbow.</p> + +<p>"Come, gentlemen," the auctioneer cried, "we ain't making you a present +of this house, exactly. Do I hear forty-one? Thank you, sir. At +forty-one—at forty-one—at——"</p> + +<p><!-- Page 390 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_390" id="Page_390">[Pg 390]</a></span>Abe sidled up to B. Rashkin and in firm tones he made the next +bid.</p> + +<p>"Forty-one five," he said.</p> + +<p>"Forty-one five," the auctioneer repeated, and B. Rashkin turned to look +at the bidder. He started visibly as he recognized Abe, who bowed +coldly.</p> + +<p>"Why, hallo, Mr. Potash," Rashkin exclaimed. "I didn't know you was +in the market for property."</p> + +<p>"Why not?" Abe said.</p> + +<p>"Well, on account you got a partner who——"</p> + +<p>"You don't got to rub it in, Mr. Rashkin," Abe interrupted. "If my +partner did know a good thing when he seen it, Mr. Rashkin, I don't +need to be reminded of it."</p> + +<p>"A good thing!" Rashkin said in puzzled accents. "Why, I +ain't——"</p> + +<p>He stopped in time and forced himself to smile amiably.</p> + +<p>"Yes, Mr. Rashkin," Abe went on, as he imperceptibly edged away +from the crowd. "Would you believe it, that feller tells me this morning +he's got already a fine offer for the house?"</p> + +<p>"You don't tell me," Rashkin said as they approached one of the +salesroom doors. He too was edging away from the crowd and congratulated +himself that Abe had made no further bid. "I'm glad he should get it. +For <i>mein</i> part, Mr. Potash, I would be glad to sell my house, +too."</p> + +<p>Here he made a rapid mental calculation and arrived<!-- Page 391 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_391" id="Page_391">[Pg 391]</a></span> +approximately at the price that would yield Morris a profit.</p> + +<p>"I had myself an offer of forty-six seven-fifty for my house, +Mr. Potash," he hazarded.</p> + +<p>Abe was ostentatiously surprised.</p> + +<p>"So!" he said, with an elaborate assumption of recovering his composure.</p> + +<p>"Yes, Mr. Potash," Rashkin went on. He was beginning to feel that +the figure was too low. "That's the offer I received and I wouldn't take +a cent less than forty-eight."</p> + +<p>"Let me see," Abe mused, as they paused in front of a bakery and +lunchroom a few doors down the street. "You got a first mortgage +thirty-three thousand dollars, and that would give you a pretty big +equity there, Mr. Rashkin."</p> + +<p>"Wouldn't you come inside and take maybe a cup of coffee, +Mr. Potash?" Rashkin suggested.</p> + +<p>"I shouldn't mind if I will," Abe said; and they entered the bakery +together. "Would you want all cash above the mortgage, +Mr. Rashkin?"</p> + +<p>"Just now, Mr. Potash," Rashkin replied, "I want a little something +to eat. Give me a piece of <i>stollen</i> and a cup of coffee."</p> + +<p>"Milk separate?" the waitress asked.</p> + +<p>B. Rashkin nodded haughtily and then turned to Abe.</p> + +<p>"What will you have, Mr. Potash?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Give me also a cup of coffee and a tongue sandwich," he announced to +the waitress.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 392 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_392" id="Page_392">[Pg 392]</a></span>"White or rye bread?" said the waitress.</p> + +<p>"Rye bread," Abe replied.</p> + +<p>"We ain't got no rye bread; I could give you a roll sandwich," she +declared solemnly.</p> + +<p>"All right, give me a roll tongue sandwich," Abe concluded, and once +more addressed B. Rashkin.</p> + +<p>"Of course you would take back a second mortgage, Mr. Rashkin," he +said.</p> + +<p>"Well, I might take two or three thousand dollars, a purchase-money +mortgage, but no more," Rashkin replied, as the waitress returned +empty-handed.</p> + +<p>"Rolls is all out," she said. "I'll have to give you white bread."</p> + +<p>"All right," Abe replied.</p> + +<p>"Did you say Swiss cheese or store cheese?" she inquired mildly.</p> + +<p>"Tongue!" Abe and B. Rashkin roared with one voice.</p> + +<p>"Well, don't get mad about it," the waitress cried, as she whisked away +toward the coffee urns.</p> + +<p>"I'll tell you the truth, Mr. Potash," B. Rashkin continued. "I +give that house to a number of real estaters, already, and I'm +considering a good offer from a feller what Ferdy Rothschild brings me. +The feller makes me a fine offer, Mr. Potash, only he wants me to +take back a second mortgage of five thousand dollars; and I told Ferdy +Rothschild if he could get his customer to make it all cash above a +second mortgage of three thousand dollars I would<!-- Page 393 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_393" id="Page_393">[Pg 393]</a></span> consider it. +Ferdy says he expects his customer in to see him this afternoon, +already, and he will let me know before I go home to-night."</p> + +<p>In this rare instance B. Rashkin was undergoing the novel experience of +speaking the truth only slightly modified, for that very morning Ferdy +Rothschild had produced a purchaser who was willing to pay forty-six +thousand dollars for Rashkin's house. This deal the purchaser proposed +to consummate by taking the property subject to a first mortgage of +thirty-three thousand dollars, by executing a second mortgage of seven +thousand dollars, and by paying the six thousand balance of the purchase +price in cash.</p> + +<p>B. Rashkin had told Ferdy that if the customer would agree to pay eight +thousand five hundred dollars in cash and to reduce the second mortgage +proportionately, the deal would be closed; and Ferdy had promised to let +him know during the afternoon.</p> + +<p>"Lookyhere, Rashkin," Abe said at length, "what's the use beating bushes +around? You know as well as I do that me and my partner don't get along +well together, and I would like to teach that sucker a lesson that he +shouldn't monkey no more with real estate, y'understand. I'll tell you +right now, Rashkin, I would be willing to lose maybe a couple hundred +dollars if I could get that house from you and sell it to the feller +what makes the offer to Mawruss Perlmutter."</p> + +<p>"You and Perlmutter must be pretty good friends<!-- Page 394 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_394" id="Page_394">[Pg 394]</a></span> together," +Rashkin commented. "But, anyhow, I am perfectly willing to help you all +I can, because when a feller practically calls you a bloodsucker and a +horse-thief, Mr. Potash, naturally you don't feel too friendly +toward him. But one thing I <i>got</i> to say, Mr. Potash, and that is I +couldn't sell my house for a penny less than forty-eight thousand +dollars."</p> + +<p>Abe put down his cup of coffee and stared at Rashkin.</p> + +<p>"That's a lot of money, Mr. Rashkin," Abe said, "and that would +mean pretty near twelve thousand cash."</p> + +<p>B. Rashkin nodded calmly and Abe pondered for a moment.</p> + +<p>"Well, Rashkin," Abe said, "I am willing I should spend some money, +y'understand, and so I would make you this offer: Would you give me an +option on the house at forty-eight thousand for two weeks, supposing I +paid you, we will say, two hundred dollars?"</p> + +<p>Rashkin shook his head.</p> + +<p>"We will say then two hundred and fifty dollars," Abe said; but Rashkin +declined.</p> + +<p>Immediately they commenced to bargain vigorously, and at intervals of +five minutes each modified his price for the option, until half an hour +had expired, when they met at four hundred dollars.</p> + +<p>"All right," B. Rashkin cried, "let us go and see Milton M. Sugarman and +draw up the option."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 395 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_395" id="Page_395">[Pg 395]</a></span>"I am agreeable," Abe said; "any lawyer could draw it up, so far +as I am concerned."</p> + +<p>They rose from the table without leaving the customary nickel for the +waitress and, as they passed out of the door, she glared after them and +indignantly adjusted her pompadour with both hands.</p> + +<p>"Pipe them two high-livers," she hissed to the waitress at the next +table. "I knew them guys was going to pass me up as soon as I laid me +eyes on 'em."</p> + +<p>She heaved a tremendous sigh.</p> + +<p>"Y'orter heard the roar they put up about a tongue sandwich," she said. +"Ain't it funny, Kitty, how tightwads is always fussy about their feed?"</p> + +<p>When Abe returned to his place of business a couple of hours later, he +found Morris adding up figures on the back of an envelope.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," Morris cried, "what's new about the house?"</p> + +<p>"I'll tell you what's new, Mawruss," Abe replied. "Just add four hundred +dollars to them figures on that envelope, and you'll find out what that +house costs you up to date."</p> + +<p>"What do you mean?"</p> + +<p>"Never mind what I mean, Mawruss," Abe said. "I'll tell you later what I +mean. The thing is now, Mawruss, I got to know one thing and I got to +know it quick. Where could I find this here lowlife brother-in-law of +yours?"</p> + +<p>"Let me see," said Morris. "It's already two<!-- Page 396 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_396" id="Page_396">[Pg 396]</a></span> o'clock, so I +guess, Abe, you would be liable to get him in the back room of +Wasserbauer's Café. Him and a feller by the name Feinson and that +lowlife Rabiner plays there auction pinochle together."</p> + +<p>"But ain't he got no office, Mawruss?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"Sure, he's got an office," Morris replied. "He's got it desk-room with +a couple of real estaters on Liberty Street, Abe. Look him up in the +telephone book. He's got a phone put in too, Abe, with my money, I bet +yer."</p> + +<p>Abe consulted the telephone book and again put on his hat.</p> + +<p>"Where are you going now, Abe?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>"I'm going down to Ferdy Rothschild's office," Abe replied.</p> + +<p>"But you wouldn't find him in, Abe," Morris protested.</p> + +<p>"I hope not," Abe replied; and for the second time that day he left his +place of business and boarded a downtown L train.</p> + +<p>Ferdy Rothschild's office was tucked away in an obscure corner of a +small office building on Liberty Street, and as Abe plodded wearily up +three flights of stairs he overtook a short, stout gentleman headed in +the same direction.</p> + +<p>"A feller what's got his office on the top floor of a back-number +building like this," said the exhausted traveler, "should keep it +airships for his customers."</p> + +<p>"I bet yer," Abe gasped, as they reached the landing<!-- Page 397 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_397" id="Page_397">[Pg 397]</a></span> together, +and then in silence they both walked side by side to the office of Ferdy +Rothschild.</p> + +<p>Abe opened the door and motioned his companion to enter first, whereat +the stranger nodded politely and walked into the office.</p> + +<p>"Is Mr. Rothschild in?" he said to the office-boy, who was the sole +occupant of the room.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Rothschild, now, telephoned," the boy replied, "and he says, +now, that if a guy comes in by the name of Marks to tell him he should +wait."</p> + +<p>"Did he say he would be right in?" Mr. Marks asked.</p> + +<p>"No," the boy answered, "but he'll be in soon, all right."</p> + +<p>"How do you know that?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"Because, now, I heard him tell the other boys that he wouldn't set no +longer time limit," the boy replied; "but he says he'd play four more +deals and then he'd quit. See?"</p> + +<p>Mr. Marks looked at Abe and broke into a laugh.</p> + +<p>"That's a fine lowlife for you," he said. "That feller tells me I should +be here at three o'clock sharp and he fools away my time like this."</p> + +<p>Abe nodded.</p> + +<p>"What could you expect from a feller like that?" Abe commenced, and then +broke off suddenly—"but excuse me. He may be a friend of yours."</p> + +<p>"<i>Gott soll hüten</i>," Mr. Marks replied piously. "All I got to +do with him is that he brings me a<!-- Page 398 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_398" id="Page_398">[Pg 398]</a></span> proposition I should buy a +piece of property which he got it to sell."</p> + +<p>"That's a funny thing," Abe said. "I came here myself about a piece of +property what I just bought, and I understand he tried to sell the +property for the feller what I bought it from."</p> + +<p>Abe took the option from his breast pocket and opened it on his knee, +while Mr. Marks glanced at it furtively, not unnoticed by Abe, who +aided his companion's inspection by spreading out the paper until its +contents were plainly visible.</p> + +<p>"Why!" Mr. Marks cried. "Why, that is the house what this here +Rothschild said he would sell it me."</p> + +<p>Abe looked up sharply.</p> + +<p>"You don't say so?" he said. "How could he sell you that house when I +got this here option on it this morning for forty-eight thousand +dollars?"</p> + +<p>"Forty-eight thousand dollars!" Mr. Marks exclaimed. "Why, he says +I could buy it for forty-six thousand dollars."</p> + +<p>Abe laughed with forced politeness.</p> + +<p>"Well, if you could of got it for forty-six thousand you should of took +it," he said. "I want forty-nine thousand for it."</p> + +<p>It was now Mr. Marks' turn to laugh.</p> + +<p>"You couldn't get forty-nine thousand for that house," he said, "if the +window-panes was diamonds already."</p> + +<p><!-- Page 399 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_399" id="Page_399">[Pg 399]</a></span>"No?" Abe retorted. "Well, then, I'll keep it, +Mister——"</p> + +<p>"Marks," suggested Mr. Marks.</p> + +<p>"Marks," Abe went on. "I'll keep it, Mr. Marks, until I can get it, +so sure as my name is Abe Potash."</p> + +<p>"Of Potash & Perlmutter?" Mr. Marks asked.</p> + +<p>"That's my name," Abe said.</p> + +<p>"Why, then, your partner owns yet the house next door!" Mr. Marks +cried.</p> + +<p>"That ain't no news to me, Mr. Marks," Abe said. "In fact, he built +that house, Mr. Marks, and I got so tired hearing about the way +that house rents and how much money he is going to get out of it that I +bought the place next door myself."</p> + +<p>"But ain't that a funny thing that one partner should build a house and +the other partner shouldn't have nothing to do with it?" Mr. Marks +commented.</p> + +<p>"We was partners in cloaks, Mr. Marks, not in houses," Abe +explained. "And I had my chance to go in with him and I was a big fool I +didn't took it."</p> + +<p>Mr. Marks rose to his feet.</p> + +<p>"Well, all I can say is," he rejoined, "if I got it a partner and we was +to consider a proposition of building, Mr. Potash, we would go it +together, not separate."</p> + +<p>"Yes, Mr. Marks," Abe agreed, "if you had it a partner, +Mr. Marks, that would be something else again, but the partner what +<i>I</i> got it, Mr. Marks, you got no idee what an independent feller +that is. I can assure you, Mr. Marks, that feller don't let me<!-- +Page 400 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_400" id="Page_400">[Pg 400]</a></span> know nothing what he is doing outside of our +business. For all I would know, he might of sold his house already."</p> + +<p>"You don't mean to say that his house is on the market, do you?" Marks +said sharply.</p> + +<p>"I don't mean to say nothing," Abe replied, as he started to leave. "All +I mean to say is that I am tired of waiting for that lowlife Rothschild, +and I must get back to my store."</p> + +<p>"Wait a bit; I'll go downstairs with you," Marks broke in.</p> + +<p>As they walked down to the elevated road they exchanged further +confidences, by which it appeared that Mr. Marks was in the +furniture business on Third Avenue, and that he lived on Lenox Avenue +near One Hundred and Sixteenth Street.</p> + +<p>"Why, you are practically a neighbor of Mawruss Perlmutter," Abe cried.</p> + +<p>"Is that so?" Mr. Marks said, as they reached the elevated railway.</p> + +<p>"Yes," Abe went on, "he lives on a Hundred and Eighteenth Street and +Lenox Avenue."</p> + +<p>"You don't say so?" Mr. Marks replied. "Well, Mr. Potash, I +guess I got to leave you here."</p> + +<p>They shook hands, and after Abe had proceeded half-way up the steps to +the station platform he paused to observe Mr. Marks penciling an +address in his memorandum book.</p> + +<p>When he again entered his show-room Morris had just hung up the +telephone receiver.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 401 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_401" id="Page_401">[Pg 401]</a></span>"Yes, Abe," he said, "you've gone and stuck your feet in it all +right."</p> + +<p>"What d'ye mean?" Abe asked.</p> + +<p>"Ferdy Rothschild just rung me up," Morris explained, "and he says you +went down to his office while he was out, and you seen it there a feller +what he was going to sell Rashkin's house to, and you went and broke up +the deal, and that he will sue you yet in the courts."</p> + +<p>"Let him sue us," Abe said. "All he knows about is what the office-boy +tells him. I didn't break up no deal, because there wasn't no deal to +bust up, Mawruss."</p> + +<p>"Why not?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>"Because if the deal was to sell Rashkin's house," Abe explained, +"Rothschild ain't in it at all, because I myself is the only person what +could sell that house."</p> + +<p>He drew the option from his breast pocket and handed it to Morris, who +read it over carefully.</p> + +<p>"Well, Abe," Morris commented, "that's only throwing away good money +with bad, because you couldn't do nothing with that house in two weeks +or in two years, neither."</p> + +<p>"I know it," Abe said confidently, "but so long as I got an option on +that house nobody else couldn't do nothing with it, neither. And so long +as Rashkin ain't able to undersell you, Mawruss, you got a chance to get +rid of your house and to come out even, Mawruss. My advice to you is, +Mawruss, that you<!-- Page 402 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_402" id="Page_402">[Pg 402]</a></span> should get a hustle on you and sell that house +for the best price you could. For so sure as I sit here, after this +option expires, and Rashkin is again offering his house at forty-five +thousand, you would be positively stuck."</p> + +<p>"I bet yer I would be stuck, Abe," Morris agreed. "But I ain't going to +let no grass grow on me, Abe. I will put in an ad. in every paper in New +York this afternoon, and I'll keep it up till I sell the house."</p> + +<p>"Maybe that wouldn't be necessary, Mawruss," Abe said, with a twinkle in +his eye.</p> + +<p>"What d'ye mean?" Morris asked.</p> + +<p>Whereupon, Abe unfolded at great length his adventures of the day, +beginning with his meeting B. Rashkin at the Real-Estate Exchange, and +concluding with Mr. Marks' penciled memorandum of Morris' address.</p> + +<p>"And now, Mawruss," Abe concluded, "you seen the position what I took +it, and when that feller Marks calls at your house to-night you should +be careful and not make no cracks. Remember, Mawruss, you got to tell +him that as a partner I am a crank and a regular highbinder. Also, +Mawruss, you got to tell him that if I wasn't held by a copartnership +agreement I would do you for your shirt, y'understand?"</p> + +<p>Morris nodded.</p> + +<p>"I know you should, Abe," he said.</p> + +<p>"What!" Abe roared.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 403 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_403" id="Page_403">[Pg 403]</a></span>"I mean I know I should," Morris explained; "I know I should +tell this here Marks what you say."</p> + +<p>Abe grew calm immediately, but he left further tactics to Morris' +discretion; and when Mr. Marks called at the latter's house that +evening Morris showed that he possessed that discretion to a degree +hardly equaled by his partner.</p> + +<p>"Yes, Mr. Marks," he said, after he had seated his visitor in the +easiest chair in the front parlor and had supplied him with a good +cigar, "it is true that I got it a house and that the house is on the +market for sale."</p> + +<p>He paused and nodded sadly.</p> + +<p>"But I also got it a partner, Mr. Marks, and no doubt you heard +already what a cutthroat that feller is. I assure you, Mr. Marks, +that feller goes to work and gets an option on the house next door which +you know is identical the same like my house is. Yes, Mr. Marks, he +gets an option on that house for forty-seven thousand five hundred +dollars from the feller what owns it, when he knows I am already +negotiating to sell my house for forty-seven seven-fifty."</p> + +<p>This willful misstatement of the amount of the option produced the +desired result.</p> + +<p>"Did you seen it the option?" Marks asked cautiously.</p> + +<p>"Well, no, I ain't seen it, but I heard it on good authority, +Mr. Marks," he said, and allowed himself two bars' rest, as the +musicians say, for the phrase to sink in.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 404 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_404" id="Page_404">[Pg 404]</a></span>"Yes, Mr. Marks, on good authority I heard it that Potash +pays five hundred dollars for a two-weeks' option at forty-seven +thousand five hundred dollars."</p> + +<p>"Forty-seven thousand five hundred dollars?" Marks said with a rising +inflection.</p> + +<p>"Forty-seven thousand five hundred," Morris replied blandly, "and I +guess he got a pretty cheap house, too."</p> + +<p>"Well, I ain't got the same opinion what you got," Marks retorted. "I +got an opinion, Mr. Perlmutter, that your partner pays a thousand +dollars too much for his house."</p> + +<p>"Is that so?" Morris replied, and then and there began a three-hours' +session which terminated when they struck a bargain at forty-seven +thousand dollars. Ten minutes later Marks left with a written memorandum +of the terms of sale on his person while Morris pocketed a similar +memorandum and fifty dollars earnest money.</p> + +<p>The next morning an executory contract of sale was signed in Henry D. +Feldman's office, and precisely two weeks later Mr. Marks took +title to Morris' property which, after deducting all expenditures, +netted its builder a profit of almost two thousand dollars. This sum +Morris deposited to the credit of the firm account of Potash & +Perlmutter, and hardly had the certified check been dispatched to the +Kosciusko Bank when the door opened and Rashkin and Ferdy Rothschild +burst into the show-room.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 405 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_405" id="Page_405">[Pg 405]</a></span>"Bloodsucker!" Rashkin cried, shaking his fist under Abe's nose. +"What for you didn't take up your option?"</p> + +<p>Abe stepped back hurriedly and put a sample table between himself and B. +Rashkin.</p> + +<p>"Must I take it up the option?" he said calmly. "Couldn't I let you keep +it the four hundred dollars if I wanted to?"</p> + +<p>Rashkin looked at Ferdy Rothschild.</p> + +<p>"That's a fine murderer for you. What?" he exclaimed.</p> + +<p>"Him, I ain't surprised about," Ferdy Rothschild replied, "but when a +feller should do his own wife's brother out of a commission of four +hundred and sixty-five dollars, Rashkin, what a heart he must have it. +Like a piece of steel."</p> + +<p>"Don't talk that way, Ferdy," Morris commented, without emotion. "You +make me feel bad. I got lots of consideration for you, Ferdy, after the +way you treated me already. Yes, Ferdy, I think a whole lot of you, +Ferdy. You could come to me with your tongue hanging out from hunger +yet, and I wouldn't lift a little finger."</p> + +<p>Ferdy turned and appealed to B. Rashkin.</p> + +<p>"Ain't them fine words to hear from my own brother-in-law?" he said.</p> + +<p>"Nobody compels you to stay here and listen to 'em, Rothschild," Abe +interrupted. "And, anyhow, Rothschild, you could make it more money if +instead you stayed here you would go downtown to Henry<!-- Page 406 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_406" id="Page_406">[Pg 406]</a></span> D. +Feldman's office and sue this here Rashkin in the courts for your +commission. I was telling Feldman all about it this morning, and he says +you got it a good case."</p> + +<p>"Rothschild," Rashkin cried pleadingly, "where are you going?"</p> + +<p>"You shouldn't talk to me," Rothschild answered. "Potash is right. I +brought this here Marks to you and he was ready and willing to purchase +at your terms, and so, therefore, you owe me a commission of four +hundred and sixty-five dollars."</p> + +<p>The next moment he banged the door behind him and five minutes later he +was followed by B. Rashkin, who had filled that short space of time with +an exhaustive and profane denunciation of Potash & Perlmutter, +individually and as copartners.</p> + +<p>Five days afterward Morris examined the list of real-estate conveyances +in the morning paper, after the fashion of the reformed race-track +gambler who occasionally consults the past performances of the day's +entries.</p> + +<p>He handed the paper to Abe and pointed his finger to the following item:</p> + +<p class="block1">264th St. 2044 East 37.6 x 100.10; Baruch Rashkin to the Royal +Piccadilly Realty Co. (mtg $33,000), $100.</p> + +<p>"That's only a fake," Abe said. "I seen in the paper yesterday that +Rashkin incorporated the Royal Piccadilly Realty Company with his wife, +Goldie Rashkin, as president; and I guess he done it because<!-- Page +407 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_407" id="Page_407">[Pg 407]</a></span> he got scared that Rothschild would get a judgment +against him. And so he transfers the house to the corporation."</p> + +<p>"But if he does that, Abe," Morris cried gleefully, "Ferdy Rothschild +would never collect on that judgment, because that house is all the +property Rashkin's got."</p> + +<p>"I hope you don't feel bad about it, Mawruss," Abe said.</p> + +<p>"I bet yer I feel terrible, Abe," Morris said ironically. "But why did +Rashkin call it the Royal Piccadilly Realty Company, Abe?"</p> + +<p>"For the sake of old times yet," Abe answered. "I hear it from Sol +Klinger that before Rashkin busted up in the waist business he used to +make up a garment called the Royal Piccadilly."</p> + +<p>"Is that so?" Morris commented. "I never heard he busted up in the waist +business, Abe. Why couldn't he make a go of it, Abe?"</p> + +<p>"Well, Mawruss, it was the same trouble with him like with some other +people, I know," Abe replied significantly. "He was a good manufacturer +but a poor salesman; and you know as well as I do, Mawruss, any fool +could make up an article, Mawruss, but it takes a feller with judgment +to sell it."</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <p><!-- Page 408 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_408" id="Page_408">[Pg 408]</a></span></p> <h2>CHAPTER XVII</h2> <br /> <br /> <p>"Did the sponger send up them doctors yet?" +said Morris with a far-away look in his bloodshot eyes, as he entered +his place of business at half past seven one morning in March.</p> + +<p>"Doctors?" Abe repeated. "What are you talking about—doctors?"</p> + +<p>Morris snapped his fingers impatiently.</p> + +<p>"Doctors! Hear me talk!" he cried. "I meant kerseys."</p> + +<p>"Listen here, Mawruss," Abe suggested. "What's the use you monkeying +with business to-day? Why don't you go home?"</p> + +<p>"Me, I don't take things so particular, Abe," Morris replied. "Time +enough when I got to go home, then I will go home."</p> + +<p>"You could do what you please, Mawruss," Abe declared. "We ain't so busy +now that you couldn't be spared, y'understand. With spring weather like +we got it now, Mawruss, we could better sell arctic overshoes and +raincoats as try to get rid of our line already. I tell you the truth, +Mawruss, I ain't seen business so <i>schlecht</i> since way before the +Spanish War already."</p> + +<p>"We could always find <i>something</i> to do, Abe," said Morris. "Why don't +you tell Miss Cohen to get out them statements which you was +talking about?"</p> + +<p><!-- Page 409 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_409" id="Page_409">[Pg 409]</a></span>"That's a good idee, Mawruss," Abe agreed. "Half the time we +don't know where we are at at all. Big concerns get out what they call a +balancing sheet every day yet, and we are lucky if we do it oncet a year +already. How long do you think it would take her to finish 'em up, +Mawruss?"</p> + +<p>The far-away look returned to Morris' eyes as he replied. "I am waiting +for a telephone every minute, Abe," he said.</p> + +<p>Abe stared indignantly at his partner, then he took a cigar out of his +waistcoat pocket and handed it to Morris.</p> + +<p>"Go and sit down and smoke this, Mawruss," he said. "Leon Sammet gives +it to me in the subway this morning, and if it's anything like them +souvenirs which he hands it out to his customers, it'll make you forget +your troubles, Mawruss. The last time I smoked one, I couldn't remember +nothing for a week."</p> + +<p>Morris carefully cut off the end of Abe's gift with a penknife, but when +he struck a match the telephone bell rang sharply. Immediately he threw +the cigar and the lighted match to the floor and dashed wildly to the +firm's office.</p> + +<p>"Do you got to burn the place up yet?" Abe cried, and after he had +extinguished the match with his foot, he followed his partner to the +office in time to view Morris' coat tails disappearing into the +elevator. For two minutes he stood still and shook his head slowly.</p> + +<p><!-- Page 410 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_410" id="Page_410">[Pg 410]</a></span>"Miss Cohen," he said at length, "get out them statements +which I told it you yesterday, and so soon you got the drawing account +finished, let me have it. I don't think Mr. Perlmutter will be back +to-day, so you would have lots of time to do it in."</p> + +<p>It was almost two o'clock before Miss Cohen handed Abe the +statement of the firm's drawing account, and Abe thrust it into his +breast pocket.</p> + +<p>"I'm going out for a bite, Miss Cohen," he said. "If anybody wants +me, I am over at Hammersmith's and you could send Jake across for me."</p> + +<p>He sighed heavily as he raised his umbrella and plunged out into a heavy +March downpour. It had been raining steadily for about a week to the +complete discouragement of garment buyers, and Hammersmith's rear +café sheltered a proportionately gloomy assemblage of cloak and +suit manufacturers. Abe glanced around him when he entered and selected +a table at which sat Sol Klinger, who was scowling at a portion of +Salisbury steak.</p> + +<p>"Hallo, Sol," Abe cried. "What's the trouble. Ain't the oitermobile +running again?"</p> + +<p>"Do me the favor, Abe," Sol replied, "and cut out them so called alleged +jokes."</p> + +<p>He turned toward a waiter who was dusting off the tablecloth in front of +Abe.</p> + +<p>"Max," he said, stabbing at the steak with a fork held at arm's length +and leaning back in his chair as though to avoid contagion. "What d'ye +call this here mess anyway?"</p> + +<p><!-- Page 411 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_411" id="Page_411">[Pg 411]</a></span>The waiter examined the dish critically and nodded his head.</p> + +<p>"Sally's-bury steak, Mr. Klinger," he murmured. "Very nice to-day."</p> + +<p>"Is that so?" Sol Klinger rejoined. "Well, lookyhere Max, if I would got +it a dawg which I wanted to get rid of bad, y'understand, I would feed +him that mess. But me, I ain't ready to die just yet awhile, +y'understand, even though business <i>is</i> rotten, so you could take that +thing back to the cook and bring me a slice of roast beef; and if you +think I got all day to sit here, Max, and fool away my +time——"</p> + +<p>"Right away, Mr. Klinger, right away," Max cried as he hurried off +the offending dish, and once more Sol subsided into a melancholy +silence.</p> + +<p>"Don't take it so hard, Sol," Abe said. "We got bad weather like this +<i>schon</i> lots of times yet, and none of us busted up. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>"The weather is nix, Abe," Sol replied. "If it's wet to-day then it's +fine to-morrow, and if a concern ain't buying goods now—all right. +They'll buy 'em later on. Ain't it? <i>But</i>, Abe, the partner which you +got it to-day, Abe, that's the same partner which you got it to-morrow, +and that sucker Klein, Abe, he eats me up with expenses. What that +feller does with his money, Abe, I don't know."</p> + +<p>"Maybe he buys oitermobiles, Sol," Abe suggested.</p> + +<p>"Supposing I did buy last spring an oitermobile, Abe," Sol retorted. +"That is the least. I bet yer<!-- Page 412 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_412" id="Page_412">[Pg 412]</a></span> that feller Klein spends enough on +taxicab rides for customers, and also one or two of 'em which she ain't +customers, as he could buy a <i>dozen</i> oitermobiles already. No, Abe, that +ain't the point. The first year Klein and me goes as partners together, +he overdraws me two hundred and fifty dollars. <i>Schon gut.</i> If the +feller is a little extravagent, y'understand, he's got to make it up +next year."</p> + +<p>Sol paused to investigate the roast beef which Max had brought, and +being apparently satisfied, he proceeded with his narrative.</p> + +<p>"Next year, Abe," he continued, "Klein not only ain't made up the two +hundred and fifty, Abe, but he gets into me three hundred dollars more. +Well, business is good, y'understand, and so I don't kick and that's +where I am a great big fool, Abe, because every year since then, Abe, +that sucker goes on and on, until to-day our balance sheet shows I got +five thousand more invested in the business as Klein got it. And if I +would tell him we are no longer equal partners, Abe, he would go right +down to Henry D. Feldman, and to-morrow morning there would be a +receiver in the store."</p> + +<p>Sol plunged his fork into the slice of roast beef as though it were +Klein himself, and he hacked at it so viciously that the gravy flew in +every direction.</p> + +<p>"Max," he roared, clapping his handkerchief to his face, "what the devil +you are bringing me here—soup?"</p> + +<p>It was at least five minutes before Sol had exhausted<!-- Page 413 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_413" id="Page_413">[Pg 413]</a></span> his stock +of profanity, and when at length the tablecloth was changed and Abe had +ministered to the front of his coat with a napkin dipped in water, Sol +ceased to upbraid the waiter and resumed his tirade against his partner.</p> + +<p>"Yes, Abe," he said, "you are in luck. You got a partner, y'understand, +which he is a decent respectable feller. I bet yer Mawruss would no more +dream of overdrawing you, than he would fly in the air."</p> + +<p>"Wait till they gets to be popular, Sol," Abe replied. "You could take +it from me, Sol, Mawruss would be the first one to buy one of them +airyplanes, just the same like he bought that oitermobile yet."</p> + +<p>"That's all right," Sol said. "Mawruss is a good live partner. He sees +people round him—good, decent, respectable people, mind +you—is buying oitermobiles, Abe, and so he thinks he could buy +one, too. There ain't no harm in that, Abe, so long as he keeps inside +his drawing account, but so soon as one partner starts to take more as +the other money out of the business, Abe, then there is right away +trouble. But certainly, Abe, Mawruss wouldn't do nothing like that."</p> + +<p>"Sure not," Abe replied, "because in the first place, Sol, he knows I +wouldn't stand for it, and in the second place, Mawruss ain't out to do +me, y'understand. I will say for Mawruss this, Sol. Of course a partner +is a partner, Sol, and the best of partners behaves like cut-throats at +times, but Mawruss<!-- Page 414 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_414" id="Page_414">[Pg 414]</a></span> was always white with me, Sol, and certainly +I think a whole lot of that feller. Just to show you, Sol, I got +Miss Cohen to fix it up for us a statement of our drawing account +which I got it right here in my breast pocket, and I ain't even looked +at it at all, so sure I am that everything is all O. K."</p> + +<p>"I bet yer you overdrew <i>him</i> yet," Sol observed.</p> + +<p>"Me, I ain't such a big spender, Sol," Abe replied as he unfolded the +statement. "I don't even got to look at the statement, because I know we +drew just the same amount. Yes,—here it is Sol. Me, I drew six +thousand two hundred dollars, and Mawruss drew—six thousand two +hundred and——. <i>Well, what do you think for a sucker like +that?</i>"</p> + +<p>"Why, what's the matter, Abe?" Sol cried.</p> + +<p>Abe's face had grown white and his eyes glittered with anger.</p> + +<p>"That's a loafer for you!" he went on. "That feller actually pocketed +fifty-two dollars of my money."</p> + +<p>"Fifty-two dollars?" Sol repeated. "What are you making such a fuss +about fifty-two dollars for?"</p> + +<p>"With you I suppose fifty-two dollars is nothing, Sol?" Abe retorted. "I +suppose you could pick up fifty-two dollars in the streets, Sol. What? +Wait till I see that robber to-morrow. I'll fix him. Actually, I thought +that feller was above such things, Sol."</p> + +<p>"Don't excite yourself, Abe," Sol began.</p> + +<p>"I ain't excited, Sol," Abe replied. "I ain't a<!-- Page 415 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_415" id="Page_415">[Pg 415]</a></span> bit excited. All +I would do is I will go back to the store and draw a check for fifty-two +dollars. I wouldn't let that beat get ahead of me not for one cent, Sol. +If I would sit down with my eyes closed for five minutes, Sol, that +loafer would do me for my shirt. I must be on the job all the time, Sol, +otherwise that feller would have me on the streets yet."</p> + +<p>For a quarter of an hour longer Abe reviled Morris, until Sol was moved +to protest.</p> + +<p>"If I thought that way about my partner, Abe," he said, "I'd go right +down and see Feldman and have a dissolution yet."</p> + +<p>"That's what I will do, Sol," Abe declared. "Why should I tie myself up +any longer with a cutthroat like that? I tell you what we'll do, Sol. +We'll go over to the store and see what else Miss Cohen found it +out. I bet you he rings in a whole lot of items on me with the petty +cash while I was away on the road."</p> + +<p>Together they left Hammersmith's and repaired at once to Potash & +Perlmutter's place of business. As they entered the show-room +Miss Cohen emerged from her office with a sheet of paper in her +hand.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Potash," she said, "when you were in Chicago last fall you +drew on the firm for a hundred dollars, and by mistake I credited it to +you on your expense account. It ought to have been charged on your +drawing account. So that makes<!-- Page 416 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_416" id="Page_416">[Pg 416]</a></span> your total drawing account +sixty-three hundred dollars."</p> + +<p>Abe stopped short and looked at Sol.</p> + +<p>"What was that you said, Miss Cohen?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"I said that I made a mistake in that statement, and you're overdrawn on +Mr. Perlmutter forty-eight dollars," Miss Cohen concluded.</p> + +<p>"Then hurry up quick, Miss Cohen," Abe cried, "and draw a check in +my personal check book on the Kosciusko Bank to Potash & Perlmutter +for forty-eight dollars and see that it's deposited the first thing +to-morrow morning."</p> + +<p>He handed Sol a cigar.</p> + +<p>"Yes, Sol," he said, "if Mawruss would find it out that I am overdrawn +on him forty-eight dollars, he would abuse me like a pickpocket. That +feller never gives me credit for being square at all, Sol. I would be +afraid for my life if he would get on to that forty-eight dollars. Why, +the very first thing you know, Sol, he would be going around telling +everybody I was a crook and a cutthroat. That's the kind of feller +Mawruss is, Sol. I could treat him always like a gentleman, Sol, and if +the smallest little thing happens to us, 'sucker' is the least what he +calls me."</p> + +<p>At this juncture the green baize doors leading into the hall burst open +and Morris himself leaped into the show-room. His necktie was perched +rakishly underneath his right ear, and his collar was of the moisture +and consistency of a used wash rag. His<!-- Page 417 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_417" id="Page_417">[Pg 417]</a></span> clothes were dripping, +for he carried no umbrella, and his hair hung in damp strands over his +forehead. Nevertheless he was grinning broadly, as without a word he ran +up to Abe and seized his hand. For two minutes Morris shook it up and +down and then he collapsed into the nearest chair.</p> + +<p>"Well, Mawruss," Abe cried, "what's the matter? Couldn't you say +nothing? What did you come downtown again for? You should have stayed +uptown with Minnie."</p> + +<p>"S'all right, Abe," Morris gasped. "S'all over, too. The doctor says +instead I should be making a nuisance of myself uptown, I would be +better off in the store here. He was there before I could get home."</p> + +<p>"Who was there?" Abe asked. "The doctor?"</p> + +<p>"<i>Not</i> the doctor," Morris went on. "The boy was there. Minnie is doing +fine. The doctor said everything would be all right."</p> + +<p>"That's good. That's good," Abe murmured.</p> + +<p>"Y'oughter seen him, Abe. He weighed ten pounds," Morris continued. "I +bet yer he could holler, too,—like an auctioneer already. Minnie +says also I shouldn't forget to tell you what we agreed upon."</p> + +<p>"What we agreed upon?" Abe repeated. "Why we ain't agreed upon nothing, +so far what I hear, Mawruss. What d'ye mean—what we agreed upon?"</p> + +<p>"Not <i>you</i> and me, Abe," Morris cried. "<i>Her</i> and<!-- Page 418 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_418" id="Page_418">[Pg 418]</a></span> me. We agreed +that if it was a boy we'd call him Abraham P. P. Perlmutter +already."</p> + +<p>He slapped Abe on the back and laughed uproariously, while Abe looked +guilty and blushed a deep crimson.</p> + +<p>"Abraham Potash Perlmutter," Morris reiterated. "That's one fine name, +Sol."</p> + +<p>It was now Sol's turn to take Morris' hand and he squeezed it hard.</p> + +<p>"I congradulate you for the boy and for the name both," he said.</p> + +<p>Once more Abe seized his partner's hand and shook it rhythmically up and +down as though it were a patent exerciser.</p> + +<p>"Mawruss," he said, "this is certainly something which I didn't expect +at all, and all I could say is that I got to tell you you would never be +sorry for it. Just a few minutes since in Hammersmith's I was telling +Sol I got a partner which it is a credit and an honor for a feller to +know he could always trust such a partner to do what is right and square +and also, Mawruss, I——Miss Cohen," he broke off +suddenly, "you should draw right away another check in my personal book +for a hundred dollars."</p> + +<p>"To whose order?" Miss Cohen asked.</p> + +<p>Abe cleared his throat and blinked away a slight moisture before +replying.</p> + +<p>"Make it to the order of Abraham P. Perlmutter," he said, "and we +will deposit it in a savings bank, Mawruss, and when he comes twenty-one +years<!-- Page 419 --><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_419" id="Page_419">[Pg 419]</a></span> old, Mawruss, we will draw it out with anything else what +you put in there for him, Mawruss, and we will deposit it in our own +bank to the credit of <i>Potash, Perlmutter & Son</i>."</p> + +<p>Sol Klinger's face spread into an amiable grin.</p> + +<p>"You could put me down ten dollars on that savings bank account, too, +boys," he said as he reached for his hat. "I've got to be going now."</p> + +<p>"Don't forget you should tell Klein it's a boy," Morris called to him.</p> + +<p>"I wouldn't forget," Sol replied. "Klein'll be glad to hear it. You +know, Mawruss, Klein ain't such a grouch as most people think he is. In +fact, taking him all around, Klein is a pretty decent feller."</p> + +<p>As he turned to leave, his eye met Abe's, and both of them smiled +guiltily.</p> + +<p>"After all, Abe," Sol concluded, "it ain't what partners says about each +other, Abe, but how they <i>acts</i> which counts. Ain't it?"</p> + +<p>Abe nodded emphatically.</p> + +<p>"An old saying but a true one," Morris declared. "Actions talk louder as +words."</p> <br /> <br /> <h4><span class="smcap">The End</span>.</h4> + + +<hr style="width: 100%;" /> + +<h4>Transcriber's Notes</h4> + +<p>Several spelling and punctuation inconsistencies appear in the original +of this text. Punctuation has been changed when required for correct +syntax. Inconsistent spelling has been retained in direct speech for +pronunciation purposes and in quoted written material, but has been +changed as noted below.</p> + +<dl> +<dd>Page 12 Changed "good-bye" to "good-by"</dd> +<dd>Page 39 Changed "recission" to "rescission"</dd> +<dd>Page 50 Changed "Lownstein" to "Lowenstein"</dd> +<dd>Page 135 Changed "dassent" to "dassen't"</dd> +<dd>Page 146 Changed "Kreitman" to "Kreitmann"</dd> +<dd>Page 200 Changed "theeayter" to "theayter"</dd> +<dd>Page 244 Changed "neighborhod" to "neighborhood"</dd> +<dd>Page 252 Changed "Fernstein" to "Feinstein"</dd> +<dd>Page 280 Changed "cigarrettel" to "cigarettel"</dd> +<dd>Pages 54, 300, 411 Changed "aint" to "ain't"</dd> +<dd>Page 368 Changed "cancellation" to "cancelation"</dd> +<dd>Page 374 Changed "Raskin" to "Rashkin" (twice)</dd> +<dd>Page 389 Changed "practicaly" to "practically"</dd> +<dd>Page 394 Changed "Sugarmen" to "Sugarman"</dd> +<dd>Page 413 Changed "cutthroats" to "cut-throats"</dd> +</dl> <hr style="width: 100%;" /><hr /> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Potash & Perlmutter, by Montague Glass + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK POTASH & PERLMUTTER *** + +***** This file should be named 18164-h.htm or 18164-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/1/8/1/6/18164/ + +Produced by Jacqueline Jeremy, Suzanne Shell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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