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+Project Gutenberg's Samantha at the World's Fair, by Marietta Holley
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Samantha at the World's Fair
+
+Author: Marietta Holley
+
+Illustrator: Baron C. De Grimm
+
+Release Date: April 1, 2006 [EBook #18091]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SAMANTHA AT THE WORLD'S FAIR ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Suzanne Lybarger, Paul Ereaut and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: The minute we passed the gate we wuz overwhelmed
+with the onspeakable aspect of the buildin's.--_See page_ 226.]
+
+
+
+
+SAMANTHA
+
+AT THE WORLD'S FAIR
+
+
+BY
+
+JOSIAH ALLEN'S WIFE
+
+(MARIETTA HOLLEY)
+
+
+_ILLUSTRATED_
+BY
+BARON C. DE GRIMM
+
+
+_PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES_
+
+=New-York=
+FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY
+London and Toronto
+1893
+
+Copyright, 1893, by the
+FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY.
+
+[Registered at Stationer's Hall, London, England.]
+
+TO
+
+=Columbia--=
+
+WHO HAS JEST SAILED OUT AND DISCOVERED
+WOMAN. AND TO THE SECT DISCOVERED--
+
+_THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED_.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+PREFACE.
+
+It wuz a beautiful evenin' in Jonesville, and the World. The Earth wuz
+a-settin' peaceful and serene under the glowin' light of a full moon and
+some stars, and I sot jest as peaceful and calm under the meller light
+of our hangin' lamp and the blue radiance of my companion's two orbs.
+
+Two arm-chairs covered with handsome buff copper-plate wuz drawed up on
+each side of the round table, that had a cheerful spread on't, and a
+basket of meller apples and pears.
+
+Dick Swiveller, our big striped pussy-cat (Thomas J. named him), lay
+stretched out in luxurious ease on his cushion, a-watchin' with
+dignified indulgence the gambollin' of our little pup dog. He is young
+yet, and Dick looked lenient on the innocent caperin's of youth.
+
+Dick is very wise.
+
+The firelight sparkled on the clean hearth, the lamplight gleamed down
+onto my needles as I sot peaceful a-seamin' two and two, and the same
+radiance rested lovin'ly on the shinin' bald head of my pardner as he
+sot a-readin' his favorite production, the _World_.
+
+All wuz relapsted into silence, all wuz peace, till all to once my
+pardner dropped his paper, and sez he--
+
+"Samantha, why not write a book on't?"
+
+It started me, comin' so onexpected onto me, and specially sence he wuz
+always so sot aginst my swingin' out in Literatoor.
+
+I dropped two or three stitches in my inward agitation, but
+instinctively I catched holt of my dignity, and kep calm on the outside.
+
+And sez I, "Write a book on what, Josiah Allen?"
+
+"Oh, about the World's Fair!" sez he.
+
+"Wall," sez I, with a deep sithe, "I had thought on't, but I'd kinder
+dreaded the job."
+
+And he went on: "You know," sez he, "that We wrote one about the other
+big Fair, and if We don't do as well by this one it'll make trouble,"
+sez he.
+
+"We!" sez I in my own mind, and in witherin' axents, but I kep calm on
+the outside, and he went on--
+
+"Our book," sez he, "that We wrote on the other big Fair in Filadelfy, I
+spoze wuz thought as much on and wuz as popular for family readin' as
+ever a President's message wuz; and after payin' attention to that as
+We did, We hadn't ort to slight this one. We can't afford to," sez he.
+
+"Can't afford to?" sez I dreamily.
+
+"No; We can't afford to," sez he, "and keep Our present popularity. Now,
+there's every chance, so fur as I can see, for me to be elected
+Path-Master, and the high position of Salesman of the Jonesville Cheese
+Factory has been as good as offered to me agin this year. It is because
+We are popular," sez he, "that I have these positions of trust and honor
+held out to me. We have wrote books that have _took_, Samantha. Now,
+what would be the result if We should slight Columbus and turn Our backs
+onto America in this crisis of her history? It would be simply ruinous
+to Our reputation and my official aspirations. Everybody would be mad,
+and kick, from the President down. More'n as likely as not I should
+never hold another office in Jonesville. Cheese would be sold right over
+my head by I know not who. I should be ordered out to work on the road
+like a dog by Ury jest as like as not. I've been a-settin' here and
+turnin' it over in my mind; and though, as you say, I hain't always
+favored the idee of writin', still at the present time I believe We'd
+better write the book. There's ink in the house, hain't there?" sez he
+anxiously.
+
+"Yes," sez I.
+
+"And paper?" sez he.
+
+Agin I sez, "Yes."
+
+"Wall, then, when there's ink and paper, what's to hender Our writin'
+it?"
+
+"Our!" "We!" Agin them words entered my soul like lead arrows and
+gaulded me, but agin I looked up, and the clear light of affection that
+shone from my pardner's eyes melted them arrows, and I suffered and wuz
+calm. But anon I sez--
+
+"Don't great emotions rise up in your soul, Josiah Allen, when you think
+of Columbus and the World's work? Don't the mighty waves of the past and
+the future dash up aginst your heart when you think of Christopher, and
+what he found, and what is behind this nation, and what is in front of
+it, a-bagonin' it onwards?"
+
+"No," sez he calmly; "I look at it with the eye of a business man, and
+with that eye," sez he, "I say less write the book."
+
+He ceased his remarks, and agin silence rained in the room.
+
+But to me the silence wuz filled with voices that he couldn't
+hear--deep, prophetic voices that shook my soul. Eyes whose light the
+dust fell on four hundred years ago shone agin on me in that quiet room
+in Jonesville, and hanted me. Heroic hands that wuz clay centuries ago
+bagoned to me to foller 'em where they led me. And so on down through
+the centuries the viewless hosts passed before me and gin me the silent
+countersign to let me pass into their ranks and jine the army. And then,
+away out into the future, the Shadow Host defiled--fur off, fur
+off--into the age of Freedom, and Justice, and Perfect rights for man
+and woman, Love, Joy, Peace.
+
+Josiah didn't see none of these performances.
+
+No; two pardners may set side by side, and yet worlds lay between 'em.
+He wuz agin immersed in his ambitious reveries.
+
+I didn't tell him the heft or the size of my emotions as I mentally
+tackled the job he proposed to me--there wuzn't no use on't. I only sez,
+as I looked up at him over my specs--
+
+"Josiah, We will write the book."
+
+
+
+
+SAMANTHA AT THE WORLD'S FAIR.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+[Illustration: Drop Capital]
+
+Christopher Columbus has always been a object of extreme interest and
+admiration to me ever sence I first read about him in my old Olney's
+Gography, up to the time when I hearn he wuz a-goin' to be celebrated in
+Chicago.
+
+I always looked up to Christopher, I always admired him, and in a modest
+and meetin'-house sense, I will say boldly and with no fear of Josiah
+before my eyes that I loved him.
+
+Havin' such feelin's for Christopher Columbus, as I had, and havin' such
+feelin's for New Discoverers, do you spoze I wuz a-goin' to have a
+celebration gin for him, and also for us as bein' discovered by him,
+without attendin' to it?
+
+No, indeed! I made calculations ahead from the very first minute it wuz
+spoke on, to attend to it.
+
+And feelin' as I did--all wrought up on the subject of Christopher
+Columbus--it wuz a coincerdence singular enough to skair anybody almost
+to death--to think that right on the very day Christopher discovered
+America, and us (only 400 years later), and on the very day that I
+commenced the fine shirt that Josiah wuz a-goin' to wear to Chicago to
+celebrate him in--
+
+That very Friday, if you'll believe me, Christopher Columbus walked
+right into our kitchen at Jonesville--and discovered me.
+
+[Illustration: If you'll believe me, Christopher Columbus Allen
+walked right into our kitchen--and discovered me.]
+
+Yes, Christopher Columbus Allen, a relative I never had seen, come to
+Jonesville and our house on his way to the World's Fair.
+
+Jest to think on't--Christopher Columbus Allen, who had passed his hull
+life up in Maine, and then descended down onto us at such a time as
+this, when all the relations in Jonesville wuz jest riz up about the
+doin's of that great namesake of hisen--And the gussets wuz even then
+a-bein' cut out and sewed on to the shirt that wuz a-goin' to encompass
+Josiah Allen about as he went to Chicago to celebrate him--
+
+That then, on that Friday, P.M., about the time of day that
+the Injuns wuz a-kneelin' to the first Christopher, to think that Josiah
+Allen should walk in the new Columbus into our kitchen--why, I don't
+spoze a more singular and coincidin' circumstance ever happened before
+durin' the hull course of time.
+
+The only incident that mellered it down any and made it a little less
+miracalous wuz the fact that he never had been called by his full name.
+
+He always has been, is now, and I spoze always will be called Krit--Krit
+Allen.
+
+But still it wuz--in spite of this mellerin' and amelioratin'
+circumstance--strikin' and skairful enough to fill me with or.
+
+He wuz a double and twisted relation, as you may say, bein' related to
+us on both our own sides, Josiah's and mine.
+
+But I had never sot eyes on him till that day, though I well remember
+visitin' his parents, who lived then in the outskirts of Loontown--good
+respectable Methodist Epospical people--and runners of a cheese factory
+at that time.
+
+Tryphenia Smith, relation on my side, married to Ezra Allen, relation on
+Josiah's side.
+
+I remember that I went there on a visit with my mother at a very early
+period of my existence. I hadn't existed at that time more'n nine years,
+if I had that. We staid there on a stiddy stretch for a week; that wuz
+jest before they moved up to Maine.
+
+Uncle Ezra had a splendid chance offered him there, and he fell in with
+it.
+
+She wuz a dretful good creeter, Aunt Tryphenia wuz, and greatly beloved
+by the relations on his side, as well as hern.
+
+Though, as is nateral with relations, she had to be run by 'em more or
+less, and found fault with. Some thought her nose wuz too long. Some on
+'em thought she wuz too religious, and some on 'em thought she wuzn't
+religious enough. Some on 'em thought she wuzn't sot enough on the
+creeds, and some thought she wuz too rigid.
+
+But, howsumever, pretty nigh all the Allens and Smiths jest doted on
+her.
+
+There wuz one incident that jest impressed itself on my memory in
+connection with that visit, and I don't spoze I shall ever forgit it; it
+stands to reason that I should before now, if I ever wuz a-goin' to.
+
+It took place at family prayers, which they held regular at Uncle
+Ezra's.
+
+It wuz right in the hite of sugarin'. They had more'n two hundred maple
+trees, and they had tapped 'em all, and they had run free, and they had
+to sugar off every day, and sometimes twice a day.
+
+That mornin' they had a big kettle of maple syrup over the stove, and
+Uncle Ezra and Aunt Tryphenia and mother wuz all a-kneelin' down pretty
+nigh to the stove. It wuz a cold mornin', and I wuz a-settin' with my
+little legs a-hangin' off the chair a-watchin' things, not at that age
+bein' particular interested in religion.
+
+Uncle Ezra made a long prayer, a tegus one, it seemed to me; it wuz so
+long that the kettle of sugar had het up fearful, and I see with deep
+anxiety that it wuz a-mountin' up most to the top of the kettle.
+
+Of course I dassent move to open the stove door, or stir it down, or
+anything--no, I dassent make a move of any kind or a mite of noise in
+prayer time. So I sot demute, but in deep anxiety, a-watchin' it sizzle
+up higher and higher and then down agin, as is the way of syrup, but
+each time a sizzlin' up a little higher.
+
+Wall, finally Uncle Ezra got through with his prayer, and dear good Aunt
+Tryphenia begun hern. She spoke dretful kinder moderate, but religious
+and good as anything could be.
+
+I well remember what it wuz she wuz sayin'--
+
+"O Lord, let us be tried as by fire and not be mov�d"--I remember she
+said mov�d instead of moved, which wuz impressive to me, never havin'
+hearn it pronounced that way before.
+
+And jest as she said this over went the sugar onto the stove, and Aunt
+Tryphenia and Uncle Ezra jest jumped right up and went and lifted the
+kettle offen the stove.
+
+I remember well how kinder bewildered and curious mother looked when she
+opened her eyes and see that the prayer wuz broke right short off. Aunt
+Tryphenia looked meachin', and Uncle Ezra put his hat right on and went
+out to the barn.
+
+It wuz dretful embarrissin' to him and Aunt Tryphenia. But then I don't
+know as they could have helped it.
+
+I remember hearin' Father and Mother arguin' about it. Father thought
+she done right, but Mother wuz kinder of the opinion that she ort to
+have run the prayer right on and let the sugar spile if necessary.
+
+But I remember Father's arguin' that he didn't believe her prayer would
+have been very lucid or fervent, with all that batch of sugar a-sizzlin'
+and a-burnin' right by the side of her.
+
+I remember that he said that a prayer wouldn't be apt to ascend much
+higher than where one's hopes and thoughts wuz, and he didn't believe it
+would go up much higher than that kettle. (The stove wuz the common
+height, not over four feet.)
+
+But Mother held to her own opinion, and so did a good many of the
+relations, mostly females. It wuz talked over quite a good deal amongst
+the Smiths. The wimmen all blamed Tryphenia more or less. The men mostly
+approved of savin' the sugar.
+
+But good land! how I am eppisodin', and to resoom and go on.
+
+As I say, it wuz jest after this that Uncle Ezra's folks moved up to
+Maine, Christopher Columbus bein' still onborn for years and years.
+
+But bein' born in due time, or ruther as I may say out of due time, for
+Uncle Ezra and Aunt Tryphenia had been married over twenty years before
+they had a child, and then they branched out and had two, and then
+stopped--
+
+But bein' born at last and growin' up to be a good-lookin' young man and
+well-to-do in the world, he come out to Jonesville on business and also
+to foller up the ties of relationship that wuz stretched out acrost hill
+and dale clear from Maine to Jonesville.
+
+Strange ties, hain't they? that are so little that they are invisible to
+the naked eye, or spectacles, or the keenest microscope, and yet are so
+strong and lastin' that the strongest sledge-hammer can't break 'em or
+even make a dent into 'em.
+
+And old Time himself, that crumbles stun work and mountains, can't seem
+to make any impression on 'em. Curious, hain't it?
+
+But to leave moralizin' and to resoom, it was on Friday, P.M.,
+that he arrove at our home.
+
+I see a good-lookin' young chap a-comin' up the path from the front gate
+with my Josiah, and I hastily but firmly turned my apron the other side
+out--I had been windin' some blue yarn that day for some socks for my
+Josiah, and had colored it a little--it wuz a white apron--and then I
+waited middlin' serene till he come in with him.
+
+And lo! and behold! Josiah introduced him as Christopher Columbus Allen,
+my own cousin on my own side, and also on hisen.
+
+He wuz a very good-lookin' chap, some older than Thomas Jefferson, and I
+do declare if he didn't look some like him, which wouldn't be nothin'
+aginst the law, or aginst reason, bein' that they wuz related to each
+other.
+
+I wuz glad enough to see him, and I inquired after the relations with
+considerable interest, and some affection (not such an awful sight,
+never havin' seen 'em much, but a little, jest about enough).
+
+And then I learnt with some sadness that his father and mother had
+passed away not long before that, and that his sister Isabelle wuz not
+over well.
+
+And there wuz another coincerdence that struck aginst me almost hard
+enough to knock me down.
+
+Isabelle! jest think on't, when my mind wuz on a perfect strain about
+Isabelle Casteel.
+
+Columbus and Isabelle!--the idee!
+
+Why, my reason almost tottered on its throne under my recent best
+head-dress, when I hearn him speak the name. Christopher Columbus a
+tellin' me about Isabelle--
+
+I declare I wuz that wrought up that I expected every minute to hear him
+tell me somethin' about Ferdinand; but I do believe that I should have
+broke down under that.
+
+But it wuz all explained out to me afterwards by another relation that
+come onto us onexpected shortly afterwards.
+
+It seemed that Uncle Ezra and Aunt Tryphenia, after they went to Maine,
+moved into a sort of a new place, where it wuz dretful lonesome.
+
+They lost every book they had, owin' to a axident on their journey,
+and the only book their nighest neighbor had wuz the life of Queen
+Isabelle.
+
+[Illustration: They lost every book they had, owin' to a axident on
+their journey.]
+
+And so Aunt Tryphenia for years wuz, as you may say, jest saturated with
+that book. And she named her two children, born durin' that time of
+saturation, Christopher Columbus and Isabelle. And I presoom if she had
+had another, she would have named it King Ferdinand. Though I hain't
+sure of this--you can't be postive certain of any such thing as this.
+Besides it might have been born a girl onbeknown to her.
+
+But I know that she never washed them children with anything but Casteel
+soap, and she talked sights and sights about Spain and things.
+
+So I hearn from Uncle Jered Smith, who visited them while he wuz up on a
+tower through Maine, a-sellin' balsam of pine for the lungs.
+
+Wall, Isabelle had a sort of a runnin' down, so Krit said. He begged us
+to call him that--said that all his mates at school called him so. He
+had been educated quite high. Had been to deestrick school sights, and
+then to a 'Cademy and College. He had kinder worked his way up, so I
+found out, and so had Isabelle.
+
+She had graduated from a Young Woman's College, taught school to earn
+her money, and then went to school as long as that would last, and then
+would set out and teach agin, and then go agin and then taught, and then
+went.
+
+She wuz younger than Christopher, but he owned up to me that it wuz her
+example that had rousted him up to exert himself.
+
+She wuz awful ambitious, Isabelle wuz. She wuz smart as she could be,
+and had a feelin' that she wanted to be sunthin' in the World.
+
+But then the old folks wuz took down sick and helpless, and one of the
+children had to stay to home. And Isabelle staid, and sent Krit out into
+the World.
+
+She sold her jewels of Ambition and Happiness, and gin him the avails of
+them.
+
+She staid to home with the old folks--kinder peevish and fretful, Krit
+said they wuz, too--and let him go a-sailin' out on the broad ocean of
+life; she had trimmed her own sails in such hope, but had to curb 'em in
+now and lower the topmast.
+
+You have to reef your sails considerable when you are a-sailin' round in
+a small bedroom between two beds of sickness (asthma and inflammatory
+rheumatiz). You have to haul 'em in, and take down the flyin' pennen of
+Hope and Asperation, and mount up the lamp of Duty and Meekness for a
+figger-head, instead of the glowin' face of Proud Endeavor.
+
+[Illustration: Isabelle staid, and sent Krit out into the
+World.]
+
+But them lamps give a dretful meller, soft light, when they are well
+mounted up, and firm sot.
+
+The light on 'em hain't to be compared to any other light on sea or on
+shore. It wrops 'em round so serene and glowin' that walks in it. It
+rests on their mild forwards in a sort of a halo that shines off on the
+hard things of this life and makes 'em endurable, takes the edge kinder
+off of the hardest, keenest sufferin's, and goes before 'em throwin' a
+light over the deep waters that must be passed, and sort o' melts in and
+loses itself in the ineffible radiance that streams out from acrost the
+other side.
+
+It is a curious light and a beautiful one. Isabelle jest journeyed in
+its full radiance.
+
+Wall, Isabelle would do what she sot out to do, you could see that by
+her face. Krit had brought her photograph with him--he thought his eyes
+of her--and I liked her looks first rate.
+
+It wuz a beautiful face, with more than beauty in it too. It wuz
+inteligent and serene, with the serenity of the sweet soul within. And
+it had a look deep down in the eyes, a sort of a shadow that is got by
+passin' through the Valley of Sorrow.
+
+I hearn afterwards what that look meant.
+
+Isabelle had been engaged to a smart, well-meanin' chap, Tom Freeman by
+name, not over and above rich, and one that had his own duties to attend
+to. Two helpless aged ones, and two little nieces to took care on, and
+nobody but himself to earn the money to do it with.
+
+The little nieces' Pa had gone to California after his wife's death--and
+hadn't been hearn from sence. The little children had been left with
+their grandparents and Uncle Tom to stay till their Pa got back. And as
+he didn't git back, of course they kept on a-stayin', and had to be took
+care on. They wuz bright little creeters, and the very apples of their
+eyes. But they cost money, and they cost love, and Tom had to give it,
+for they lost what little property they had about this time--and the
+feeble Grandma couldn't do much, and the Grandpa died not long after the
+eppisode I am about to relate.
+
+So it all devolved onto Tom. And Tom riz up to his duties nobly, though
+it wuz with a sad heart, as wuz spozed, for Isabelle, when she see what
+had come onto him to do, wouldn't hold him to his engagement--she
+insisted on his bein' free.
+
+I spoze she thought she wouldn't burden him with two more helpless ones,
+and then mebby she thought the two spans wouldn't mate very well. And
+most probable they would have been a pretty cross match. (I mean, that
+is, a sort of a melancholy, down-sperited yoke, and if anybody laughs at
+it, I would wish 'em to laugh in a sort of a mournful way.)
+
+Wall, Tom Freeman, after Isabelle sot him free, bein' partly mad and
+partly heart-broken, as is the way of men who are deep in love, and want
+their way, but anyway wantin' to keep out of the sight of the one who,
+if he couldn't have her for his own, he wanted to forgit--he packed up
+bag and baggage and went West.
+
+Isabelle wouldn't correspond with him, so she told him in that last
+hour--still and calm on the outside, and her heart a-bleedin' on the
+inside, I dare presoom to say; no, she wanted him to feel free.
+
+What creeters, what creeters wimmen be for makin' martyrs of themselves,
+and burnt sacrifices--sometimes I most think they enjoy it, and then
+agin I don't know!
+
+But Isabelle acted from a sense of duty, for she jest worshipped the
+ground Tom Freeman walked on, so everybody knew, and so she bid adieu to
+Tom and Happiness, and lived on.
+
+Wall, one of 'em must stay at home with the old folks, either she or
+Christopher Columbus. And when a man and a woman love each other as
+Isabelle and Krit did, when wuz it ever the case but what if there wuz
+any sacrificin' to do the woman wuz the one to do it.
+
+It is her nater, and I don't know but a real true woman takes as much
+comfort in bein' sort o' onhappy for the sake of some one she loves, as
+she would in swingin' right out and a-enjoyin' herself first rate.
+
+A woman who really loves anything has the makin' of a first-class martyr
+in her. And though she may not be ever tied to a stake, and gridirons be
+fur removed from her, still she has a sort of a silent hankerin' or
+aptitude for martrydom. That is, she would fur ruther be onhappy herself
+than to have the beloved object wretched. And if either of 'em has got
+to face trouble and privation, why she is the one that stands ready to
+face 'em.
+
+So Isabelle sent Krit off into the great world to conquer it if
+possible.
+
+And Krit, as the nater of man is, felt that he would ruther branch and
+work his way along through the World, and work hard and venter and dare
+and try to conquer fortune, than to set round and endure and suffer and
+be calm.
+
+Men are not, although they are likely creeters and I wish 'em well, yet
+truth compels me to say that they are not very much gin to follerin'
+this text, "To suffer and be calm."
+
+No, they had ruther rampage round and kill the lions in the way than to
+camp down in front of 'em and try to subdue 'em with kindness and long
+sufferin'.
+
+Krit, as the nateral nater of man is, felt that he could and would earn
+a good place in the World, win it with hard work, and then lift Isabelle
+up onto the high platform by the side of him.
+
+Though whether he had made any plans as how he wuz a-goin' to hist up
+the two feeble old invalids, that I can't state, not knowin'.
+
+But Isabelle, he did lay out to do well by her, thinkin' as he did such
+a amazin' lot of her, and knowin' how she gin up her own ambitious hopes
+for his sake, and knowin' well, though he didn't really feel free to
+interfere, how she had signed the death-warrant to her own happiness
+when she parted with Tom Freeman. But so it wuz.
+
+Wall, Krit wouldn't have to lift up the old folks onto any worldly hite,
+for the Lord took 'em up into His own habitation, higher I spoze than
+any earthly mount. About six months before Krit come to Jonesville, they
+both passed away most at the same time, and wuz buried in one grave.
+
+Wall, we all on us in Jonesville thought a sight of Krit before he had
+been with us a week. He had come partly to see a man in Jonesville on
+particular business, and partly to see us. He wuz a civil engineer, jest
+as civil and polite a one as I ever laid eyes on, and wuz a-doin' well,
+but Thomas Jefferson thought he could help him to a still better place
+and position.
+
+Thomas J. is very popular in Jonesville. He is doin' a big business all
+over the county, and is very influential.
+
+Wall, Krit's business bid fair to keep him for some time in Jonesville
+and the vicinity, and as he see that Josiah Allen and I wuz a-makin'
+preperations to go to the World's Fair--and bein' warmly pursuaded by us
+to that effect, he concluded to stay and accompany us thither. The idee
+wuz very agreeable to us.
+
+He said his sister Isabelle, after she wuz a little recooperated from
+her grief for the old folks, and recovered a little from the sickness
+that she had after they left her, she too laid out to come on to
+Chicago, and spend a few weeks.
+
+He wuz a-layin' out to reconoiter round and find a good place for her to
+board and take good care on her. He thought enough on her--yes, indeed.
+
+But, as he said, she wuz jest struck right down seemin'ly with her grief
+at the loss of them two old folks.
+
+You see, if your head has been a-restin' for some time on a piller, even
+if it is a piller of stun, when it is drawed out sudden from under you,
+your head jars down on the ground dretful heavy and hard.
+
+And when you've been carryin' a burden for a long time, when it is took
+sudden from you you have a giddy feelin', you feel light and faint and
+wobblin'.
+
+And then she loved 'em--she loved her poor old charges with a daughter's
+love and with all the love a mother gives to a helpless baby, with the
+pity added that gray hairs and toothless gums must amount to added up
+over the sum of dimples and ivory and coral that makes up a baby's
+beautiful helplessness.
+
+And they wuz took from her dretful sudden. There wuz a sort of a
+influenza prevailin' up round their way, and lots of strong healthy
+folks suckumbed to it, and it struck onto these poor old feeble ones
+some like simiters, and mowed 'em right down.
+
+The old lady wuz took down first, and her great anxiety wuz--"That Pa
+shouldn't know that she wuz so sick."
+
+But before she died, "Pa" in another room wuz took with it, and passed
+away a day before she did.
+
+She worried all that mornin' about "Pa," and--"How bad he would feel if
+he knew she wuz so sick!" But along late in the afternoon, when the
+Winter sun wuz makin' a pale reflection on the wall through the south
+winder, she looked up, and sez she--
+
+"Why, there stands Pa right by my bed, and he wants me to git up and go
+with him. And, Isabelle, I must go."
+
+And she did.
+
+[Illustration: "Why, there stands Pa, and he wants me to git up and
+go with him."]
+
+
+And Isabelle wuz left alone.
+
+They wuz buried in one grave. And the funeral sermon, they say, wuz
+enough to melt a stun, if there had been any stuns round where they
+could hear it.
+
+Isabelle didn't hear it (don't git the idee that I am a-wantin' to
+compare her to a stun; no, fur from it). She wuz a-layin' to home on a
+bed, with her sad eyes bent on nothin'ess and emptiness and utter
+desolation, so it seemed to her.
+
+But after a time she begun to pick up a little, judgin' from her letters
+to her brother Krit. He had to leave her jest after the funeral on
+account of his business; for, civil as it wuz, it had to be tended to.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+Wall, we all enjoyed havin' Christopher there the best that ever wuz.
+For he wuz very agreeable, as well as oncommon smart, which two
+qualities don't always go together, as has often been observed by
+others, and I have seen for myself.
+
+Wall, it wuzn't more than a week or so after Krit arrived and got there,
+that another relation made his appearance in Jonesville.
+
+It wuz of 'em on his side this time--not like Krit, half hisen and half
+mine, but clear hisen. Clear Allen, with no Smith at all in the
+admixture.
+
+Proud enough wuz my pardner of him, and of himself too for bein' born
+his cousin. (Though that wuz onbeknown to him at the time, and he ort
+not to have gloried in it.)
+
+But tickled wuz he when word come that Elnathan Allen, Esquire, of Menlo
+Park, California, wuz a-comin' to Jonesville to visit his old friends.
+
+[Illustration: Tickled wuz he when word come.]
+
+That man had begun life poor--poor as a snipe; sometimes I used to
+handle that very word "Snipe" a-describin' Elnathan Allen's former
+circumstances to Josiah, when he got too overbearin' about him.
+
+For he had boasted to me about him for years, and years, and a woman
+can't stand only jest about so much aggravatin' and treadin' on before
+she will turn like a worm.
+
+That is Bible about "The Worm," and must be believed.
+
+What used to mad me the worst wuz when he would git to comparin'
+Elnathan with one of 'em on my side who wuz shiftless. Good land!
+'Zekiel Smith hain't the only man on earth who is ornary and no account.
+Every pardner has 'em, more or less, on his side and on hern; let not
+one pardner boast themselves over the other one; both have their
+drawbacks.
+
+But Elnathan had done well; I admitted it only when I wuz too much put
+upon.
+
+He had gone fur West, got rich, invested his capital first rate, some
+on it in a big Eastern city, and had got to be a millionare.
+
+He wuz a widower with one child, The Little Maid, as he called her; he
+jest idolized her, and thought she wuz perfect.
+
+And I spoze she wuz oncommon, not from what her Pa said--no, I didn't
+take all his talk about her for Gospel; I know too much.
+
+But Barzelia Ann Allen (a old maid up to date) had seen her, had been
+out to California on a excursion train, and had staid some time with
+'em.
+
+And she said that she wuz the smartest child this side of Heaven. With
+eyes of violet blue, big luminous eyes, that draw the hearts and souls
+of folks right out of their bodies when they looked into 'em, so full of
+radiant joy and heavenly sweetness wuz they.
+
+And hair of waving gold, and lips and cheeks as pink as the hearts of
+the roses that climbed all Winter round her winder--and the sweetest,
+daintiest ways--and so good to everybody, them that wuz poor and
+sufferin' most of all.
+
+Barzeel wuz always most too enthusiastick to suit me, but I got the idee
+from what she said that she wuz a oncommon lovely child.
+
+Good land! Elnathan couldn't talk about anything else--like little
+babblin' brooks runnin' towards the sea, all his talk, every anecdote he
+told, and every idee he sot forth, jest led up to and ended with that
+child. Jest like creeks.
+
+He worshipped her.
+
+And he himself told me so many stories about her bein' so good to the
+poor, and sacrificin' her little comforts for 'em--at her age, too--that
+I thought to myself, I wonder why you don't take some of them object
+lessons to heart--why you don't set down at her feet, and learn of
+her--and I wonder too where she took her sweet charity from, but spoze
+it wuz from her mother. Her mother had been a beautiful woman, so I had
+been told. She wuz a Devereaux--nobody that I ever knew, or Josiah.
+Celeste Devereaux.
+
+The little girl wuz named for her mother. But they always called her The
+Little Maid.
+
+Wall, to resoom, and to hitch my horse in front of the wagon agin.
+(Allegory.)
+
+Elnathan had left The Little Maid and her nurse in that Eastern city
+where he owned so much property, and had come on to pay a flyin' visit
+to Jonesville, not forgittin' Loontown, you may be sure, where a
+deceased Aunt had jest died and left her property to him.
+
+He wuz close.
+
+He had left The Little Maid in the finest hotel in the city, so he said.
+He had looked over more'n a dozen, so I hearn, before he could git one
+he thought wuz healthy enough and splendid enough for her. At last he
+selected one, standin' on a considerable rise of ground, with big, high,
+gorgeous rooms, and prices higher than the very topmost cupalo, and
+loftiest chimbly pot.
+
+Here he got two big rooms for The Little Maid, and one for the nurse. He
+got the two rooms for the child so's the air could circulate through
+'em.
+
+[Illustration: Here he got two big rooms.]
+
+He wuz very particular about her havin' air of the very purest and best
+kind there wuz made, and the same with vittles and clothes, etc., etc.,
+etc.
+
+Wall, while he wuz a-goin' on so about pure air and the values and
+necessities of it, I couldn't help thinkin' of what Barzelia had told me
+about that big property of hisen in the Eastern city where he had left
+The Little Maid.
+
+Here, in the very lowest part of the city, he owned hull streets of
+tenement housen, miserable old rotten affairs, down in stiflin' alleys,
+and courts, breeders of disease, and crime, and death.
+
+At first some on 'em fell into his hands by a exchange of property, and
+he found they paid so well, that he directed his agent to buy up a lot
+of 'em.
+
+Barzelia had told me all about 'em, she was jest as enthusiastick about
+what she didn't like as what she did; she said the money got in that
+way, by housin' the poor in such horrible pestilental places, seemed
+jest like makin' a bargain with Death. Rentin' housen to him to make
+carnival in.
+
+And while he wuz talkin' to such great length, and with such a satisfied
+and comfortable look onto his face, about the vital necessities of pure
+air and beautiful surroundin's, in order to make children well and
+happy, my thoughts kept a-roamin', and I couldn't help it. Down from the
+lovely spot where The Little Maid wuz, down, down, into the dretful
+places that Barzelia had told me about. Where squalor, and crime, and
+disease, and death walked hand in hand, gatherin' new victims at every
+step, and where the children wuz a-droppin' down in the poisinous air
+like dead leaves in a swamp.
+
+I kep a-thinkin' of this, and finally I tackled Elnathan about it, and
+he laughed, Elnathan did, and begun to talk about the swarms and herds
+of useless and criminal humanity a-cumberin' the ground, and he threw a
+lot of statisticks at me. But they didn't hit me. Good land! I wuzn't
+afraid on 'em, nor I didn't care anything about 'em, and I gin him to
+understand that I didn't.
+
+And in the cause of duty I kep on a-tacklin' him about them housen of
+hisen, and advisin' him to tear 'em down, and build wholesome ones, and
+in the place of the worst ones, to help make some little open breathin'
+places for the poor creeters down there, with a green tree now and then.
+
+And then agin he brung up the utter worthlessness, and shiftlessness,
+and viciousness of the class I wuz a-talkin' about.
+
+And then I sez--"How is anybody a-goin' to live pattern lives, when they
+are a-starvin' to death? And how is anybody a-goin' to enjoy religion
+when they are a-chokin'?"
+
+And then he threw some more statisticks at me, dry and hard ones too;
+and agin he see they didn't hit me, and then he kinder laughed agin, and
+assumed something of a jokelar air--such as men will when they are
+a-talkin' to wimmen--dretful exasperatin', too--and sez he--
+
+"You are a Philosopher, Cousin Samantha, and you must know such housen
+as you are a-talkin' about are advantageous in one way, if in no
+other--they help to reduce the surplus population. If it wuzn't for such
+places, and for the electric wires, and bomb cranks, and accidents,
+etc., the world would git too full to stand up in."
+
+"Help to reduce the surplus population!" sez I, and my voice shook with
+indignation as I said it. Sez I--
+
+"Elnathan Allen, you had better stop a-pilin' up your statisticks, for a
+spell, and come down onto the level of humanity and human brotherhood."
+
+Sez I, "Spozen you should take it to yourself for a spell, imagine how
+it would be with you if you had been born there onbeknown to yourself."
+Sez I, "If you wuz a-livin' down there in them horrible pits of disease
+and death--if you wuz a-standin' over the dyin' bed of wife or mother,
+or other dear one, and felt that if you could bring one fresh, sweet
+breath of air to the dear one, dyin' for the want of it, you would
+almost barter your hopes of eternity--
+
+"If you stood there in that black, chokin' atmosphere, reekin' with all
+pestilental and moral death, and see the one you loved best a-slippin'
+away from you--borne out of your sight, borne away into the onknown, on
+them dead waves of poisinous, deathly air--I guess you wouldn't talk
+about reducin' the Surplus Population."
+
+I had been real eloquent, and I knew it, for I felt deeply what I said.
+
+But Elnathan looked cheerful under all my talk. It didn't impress him a
+mite, I could see.
+
+He felt safe. He wuz sure the squalor and sufferin' never would or could
+touch him. He thought, in the words of the Him slightly changed, that:
+"He could read his title clear to Mansions with all the modern
+improvements."
+
+He and The Little Maid wuz safe. The world looked further off to him,
+the woes, and wants, and crimes of our poor humanity seemed quite a
+considerable distance away from him.
+
+Onclouded prosperity had hardened Elnathan's heart--it will
+sometimes--hard as Pharo's.
+
+But he wuz a visitor and one of the relations on his side, and I done
+well by him, killed a duck and made quite a fuss.
+
+The business of settlin' the estate took quite a spell, but he didn't
+hurry any.
+
+He said "the nurse wuz good as gold, she would take good care of The
+Little Maid. She wrote to him every day;" and so she did, the hussy, all
+through that dretful time to come.
+
+Oh dear me! oh dear suz!
+
+The nurse, Jean, had a sister who had come over from England with a
+cargo of trouble and children--after Jean had come on to California.
+
+And Elnathan, good-natured when he wuz a mind to be, had listened to
+Jean's story of her sister's woes, with poverty, hungery children, and a
+drunken husband, and had given this sister two small rooms in one of his
+tenement housen, and asked so little for them, that they wuz livin'
+quite comfortable, if anybody could live comfortable, in such a
+stiflin', nasty spot.
+
+Their rooms wuz on top of the house, and wuz kept clean, and so high up
+that they could get a breath of air now and then.
+
+But the way up to 'em led over a crazy pair of stairs, so broken and
+rotten that even the Agent wuz disgusted with 'em and had wrote a letter
+to Elnathan asking for new stairs, and new sanitary arrangements, as the
+deaths wuz so frequent in that particular tenement, that the Agent wuz
+frightened, for fear they would be complained of by the City
+Fathers--though them old fathers can stand a good deal without
+complainin'.
+
+Wall, the Agent wrote, but Elnathan wuz at that time buildin' a new
+orchid house (he had more'n a dozen of 'em before) for The Little Maid;
+she loved these half-human blossoms.
+
+And he wuz buildin' a high palm house, and a new fountain, and a veranda
+covered with carved lattice-work around The Little Maid's apartments.
+And a stained-glass gallery, leading from the conservatory to the
+greenhouses, and these other houses I have mentioned, so that The Little
+Maid could walk out to 'em on too sunny days, or when it misted some.
+
+And so he wrote back to his Agent, that "he couldn't possibly spend any
+money on stairs or plumbin' in a tenement house, for the repairs he wuz
+making on his own place at Menlo Park would cost more than a hundred
+thousand dollars--and he felt that he couldn't fix them stairs, and he
+thought anyway it wuzn't best to listen to the complaints of complaining
+tenants." And he ended in that jokelar way of hisen--
+
+"That if you listened to 'em, and done one thing for 'em, the next thing
+they would want would be velvet-lined carriages to ride out in."
+
+And the Agent, havin' jest seen the tenth funeral a-wendin' out of that
+very house that week, and bein' a man of some sense, though hampered,
+wrote back and said--"Carriages wouldn't be the next thing that they
+would all want, but coffins."
+
+He said sence he had wrote to Elnathan more than a dozen had been wanted
+there in that very house, and the tenants had been borne out in 'em.
+
+(And laid in fur cleaner dirt than they wuz accustomed to there;) he
+didn't write this last--that is my own eppisodin'.
+
+And agin the Agent mentioned the stairs, and agin he mentioned the
+plumbin'.
+
+But Elnathan wuz so interested then and took up in tryin' to decide
+whether he would have a stained-glass angel or some stained-glass
+cherubs a-hoverin' over the gallery in front of The Little Maid's room,
+that he hadn't a mite of time to argue any further on the subject--so he
+telegrafted--
+
+"No repairs allowed. Elnathan Allen."
+
+[Illustration: "No repairs allowed."]
+
+Wall, Elnathan had got the repairs all made, and the place looked
+magnificent.
+
+Good land! it ort to; the hull place cost more than a million dollars,
+so I have hearn; I don't say that I am postive knowin' to it. But
+Barzelia gits things pretty straight; it come to me through her.
+
+The Little Maid enjoyed it all, and Elnathan enjoyed it twice over, once
+and first in her, and then of course in his own self.
+
+But The Little Maid looked sort o' pimpin, and her little appetite
+didn't seem to be very good, and the doctor said that a journey East
+would do her good.
+
+And jest at this time the dowery in Loontown fell onto Elnathan, so that
+they all come East.
+
+Elnathan had forgot all about Jean havin' any relation in the big
+Eastern city where they stopped first--good land! their little idees and
+images had got all overlaid and covered up with glass angels, orchids,
+bank stock, some mines, palm-houses, political yearnin's, social
+distinction, carved lattice-work, some religious idees, and yots, and
+club-houses, etc., etc., etc.
+
+But when he decided to leave The Little Maid in the city and not bring
+her to Jonesville--(and I believe in my soul, and I always shall believe
+it, that he wuz in doubt whether we had things good enough for her. The
+idee! He said he thought it would be too much for her to go round to all
+the relatives--wall, mebby it wuz that! But I shall always have my
+thoughts.)
+
+But anyway, when he made up his mind to leave her, he gin the nurse
+strict orders to not go down into the city below a certain street, which
+wuz a good high one, and not let The Little Maid out of her sight night
+or day.
+
+[Illustration: He gin the nurse strict orders.]
+
+Wall, the nurse knew it wuz wrong--she knew it, but she did it. Jest as
+Cain did, and jest as David did, when he killed Ury, and Joseph's
+brother and Pharo, and you and I, and the relations on his side and on
+yourn.
+
+She knew she hadn't ort to. But bein' out a-walkin' with The Little Maid
+one day, a home-sick feelin' come over her all of a sudden. She wanted
+to see her sister--wanted to, like a dog.
+
+So, as the day wuz very fair, she thought mebby it wouldn't do any
+hurt.
+
+The sky was so blue between the green boughs of the Park! There had been
+a rain, and the glistenin' green made her think of the hedgerows of old
+England, where she and Katy used to find birds' nests, and the blue wuz
+jest the shade of the sweet old English violets. How she and Katy used
+to love them! And the blue too wuz jest the color of Katy's eyes when
+she last see them, full of tears at partin' from her.
+
+She thought of Elnathan's sharp orders not to go down into the city, and
+not to let The Little Maid out of her sight.
+
+Wall, she thought it over, and thought that mebby if she kep one of her
+promises good, she would be forgive the other.
+
+Jest as the Israelites did about the manny, and jest as You did when you
+told your wife you would bring her home a present, and come home
+early--and you bore her home a bracelet, at four o'clock in the mornin'.
+
+And jest as I did when I said, under the influence of a stirring sermon,
+that I wouldn't forgit it, and I would live up to it--wall, I hain't
+forgot it.
+
+But tenny rate, the upshot of the matter wuz that the nurse thought she
+would keep half of the Master's orders--she wouldn't let The Little Maid
+out of her sight.
+
+So she hired a cab--she had plenty of money, Elnathan didn't stent her
+on wages. He had his good qualities, Elnathan did.
+
+And she and The Little Maid rolled away, down through the broad,
+beautiful streets, lined with stately housen and filled with a throng of
+gay, handsome, elegantly clothed men, wimmen, and children.
+
+Down into narrower business streets, with lofty warehouses on each side,
+and full of a well-dressed, hurrying crowd of business men--down, down,
+down into the dretful street she had sot out to find.
+
+With crazy, slantin' old housen on either side--forms of misery filling
+the narrow, filthy street, wearing the semblance of manhood and
+womanhood. And worst of all, embruted, and haggard, and aged childhood.
+
+Filth of all sorts cumbering the broken old walks, and hoverin' over all
+a dretful sicknin' odor, full of disease and death.
+
+Wall, when they got there, The Little Maid (she had a tender heart), she
+wuz pale as death, and the big tears wuz a-rollin' down her cheeks, at
+the horrible sights and sounds she see all about her.
+
+Wall, Jean hurried her up the rickety old staircase into her sister's
+room, where Jean and Kate fell into each other's arms, and forgot the
+world while they mingled their tears and their laughter, and half crazy
+words of love and bewildered joy.
+
+The Little Maid sot silently lookin' out into the dirty, dretful
+court-yard, swarmin' with ragged children in every form of dirt and
+discomfort, squalor and vice.
+
+She had never seen anything of the kind before in her guarded,
+love-watched life.
+
+She didn't know that there wuz such things in the world.
+
+Her lips wuz quiverin'--her big, earnest eyes full of tears, as she
+started to go down the broken old stairs.
+
+And her heart full of desires to help 'em, so we spoze.
+
+But her tears blinded her.
+
+Half way down she stumbled and fell.
+
+The nurse jumped down to help her. She wuz hefty--two hundred wuz her
+weight; the stairs, jest hangin' together by links of planked rotteness,
+fell under 'em--down, down they went, down into the depths below.
+
+The nurse was stunted--not hurt, only stunted.
+
+But The Little Maid, they thought she wuz dead, as they lifted her out.
+Ivory white wuz the perfect little face, with the long golden hair
+hangin' back from it, ivory white the little hand and arm hangin' limp
+at her side.
+
+She wuz carried into Katy's room, a doctor wuz soon called. Her arm wuz
+broken, but he said, after she roused from her faintin' fit, and her
+arm wuz set--he said she would git well, but she mustn't be moved for
+several days.
+
+Jean, wild with fright and remorse, thought she would conceal her sin,
+and git her back to the hotel before she telegrafted to her father.
+
+Jest as you thought when you eat cloves the other night, and jest as I
+thought when I laid the Bible over the hole in the table-cover, when I
+see the minister a-comin'.
+
+Wall, the little arm got along all right, or would, if that had been
+all, but the poisonous air wuz what killed the little creeter.
+
+For five days she lay, not sufferin' so much in body, but stifled,
+choked with the putrid air, and each day the red in her cheeks deepened,
+and the little pulse beat faster and faster.
+
+And on the fifth day she got delerious, and she talked wild.
+
+She talked about cool, beautiful parks bein' made down in the stiflin',
+crowded, horrible courts and byways of the cities--
+
+With great trees under which the children could play, and look up into
+the blue sky, and breathe the sweet air--she talked about fresh dewey
+grass on which they might lay their little hollow cheeks, and which
+would cool the fever in them.
+
+She talked about a fountain of pure water down where now wuz filth too
+horrible to mention.
+
+She talked _very_ wild--for she talked about them terrible slantin' old
+housen bein' torn down to make room for this Paradise of the future.
+
+Had she been older, words might have fallen from her feverish lips of
+how the woes, and evils, and crimes of the lower classes always react
+upon the upper.
+
+She might have pictured in her dreams the drama that is ever bein'
+enacted on the pages of history--of the sorely oppressed masses turnin'
+on the oppressors, and drivin' them, with themselves, out to ruin.
+
+Pages smeared with blood might have passed before her, and she might
+have dreamed--for she wuz _very_ delerious--she might have dreamed of
+the time when our statesmen and lawgivers would pause awhile from their
+hard task of punishin' crime, and bend their energies upon avertin' it--
+
+Helpin' the poor to better lives, helpin' them to justice. Takin' the
+small hands of the children, and leadin' them away from the overcrowded
+prisons and penitentaries toward better lives--
+
+When Charity (a good creeter, too, Charity is) but when she would step
+aside and let Justice and True Wisdom go ahead for a spell--
+
+When co-operative business would equalize wealth to a greater
+degree--when the government would control the great enterprises, needed
+by all, but addin' riches to but few--when comfort would nourish
+self-respect, and starved vice retreat before the dawnin' light of
+happiness.
+
+Had she been older she might have babbled of all this as she lay there,
+a victim of wrong inflicted on the low--a martyr to the folly of the
+rich, and their injustice toward the poor.
+
+But as it wuz, she talked only with her little fever-parched lips of the
+lovely, cool garden.
+
+Oh, they wuz wild dreams, flittin', flittin', in little vague, tangled
+idees through the childish brain!
+
+But the talk wuz always about the green, beautiful garden, and the
+crowds of little children walkin' there.
+
+And on the seventh day (that wuz after Elnathan got there, and me and
+Josiah, bein' telegrafted to)--
+
+On the seventh day she begun to talk about a Form she saw a-walkin' in
+the garden--a Presence beautiful and divine, we thought from her words.
+He smiled as he saw the happiness of the children. He smiled upon her,
+he wuz reachin' out his arms to her.
+
+And about evenin' she looked up into her father's face and knew him--and
+she said somethin' about lovin' him so--and somethin' about the
+beautiful garden, and the happy children there, and then she looked away
+from us all with a smile, and I spozed, and I always shall spoze, that
+the Divine One a-walkin' in the cool of the evenin' in the garden, the
+benign Presence she saw there, happy in the children's happiness, drew
+nearer to her, and took her in his arms--for it says--
+
+"He shall carry the lambs in His bosom."
+
+That wuz two years ago. Elnathan Allen is a changed man, a changed man.
+
+I hain't mentioned the word surplus population to him. No, I hadn't the
+heart to.
+
+Poor creeter, I wuz good to him as I could be all through it, and so wuz
+Josiah.
+
+His hair got white as a old man's in less than two months.
+
+But with the same energy he brought to bear in makin' money he brought
+to bear on makin' The Little Maid's dream come true.
+
+He said it wuz a vision.
+
+And, poor creeter, a-doin' it all under a mournin' weed; and if ever a
+weed wuz deep, and if ever a man mourned deep, it is that man.
+
+Yes, Elnathan has done well; I have writ to him to that effect.
+
+He tore down them crazy, slantin', rotten old housen, and made a park of
+that filthy hole, a lovely little park, with fresh green grass, a
+fountain of pure water, where the birds come to slake their little
+thirsts.
+
+He sot out big trees (money will move a four-foot ellum). There is
+green, rustlin' boughs for the birds to build their nests in. Cool green
+leaves to wave over the heads of the children.
+
+They lay their pale faces on the grass, they throw their happy little
+hearts onto the kind, patient heart of their first mother, Nature, and
+she soothes the fever in their little breasts, and gives 'em new and
+saner idees.
+
+They hold their little hands under the crystal water droppin' forever
+from the outspread wings of a dove. They find insensibly the grime
+washed away by these pure drops, their hands are less inclined to clasp
+round murderous weepons and turn them towards the lofty abodes of the
+rich.
+
+They do not hate the rich so badly, for it is a rich man who has done
+all this for them.
+
+The high walls of the prison that used to loom up so hugely and
+threatingly in front of the bare old tenement housen--the harsh glare
+of them walls seem further away, hidden from them by the gracious green
+of the blossoming trees.
+
+The sunshine lays between them and its rough walls--they follow the
+glint of the sunbeams up into the Heavens.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+My beloved pardner is very easy lifted up or cast down by his emotions,
+and his excitement wuz intense durin' the hull of the long time that the
+warfare lasted as to where the World's Fair wuz to be held, where
+Columbus wuz goin' to be celebrated.
+
+I thought at the time, Josiah wuz so fearful riz up in his mind, that it
+wuz doubtful if he ever would be settled down agin, and act in a way
+becomin' to a grandfather and a Deacon in the M.E. meetin'-house.
+
+And it wuz a excitin' time, very, and the fightin' and quarrelin'
+between the rival cities wuz perilous in the extreme.
+
+It would have skairt Christopher, I'll bet, if he could have seen it,
+and he would have said that he would most ruther not be celebrated than
+to seen it go on.
+
+Why, New York and Chicago most come to hands and blows about it, and St.
+Louis wuz jest a-follerin' them other cities up tight, a-worryin' 'em,
+and a-naggin', and a sort o' barkin' at their heels, as it wuz, bound
+she would have it.
+
+They couldn't all on 'em have it. Christopher couldn't be in three
+places at one time and simultanous, no matter how much calculation he
+had about him. No, that wuz impossible. He had to be in one place. And
+they fit, and they fit, and they fit, till I got tired of the very name
+of the World's Fair, and Josiah got almost ravin' destracted.
+
+It seemed to me, and so I told Josiah, that New York wuz a more proper
+place for it, bein' as it wuz clost to the ocean, so many foreigners
+would float over here, them and their things that they wanted to show to
+the Fair.
+
+It would almost seem as if they would be tired enough when they got
+here, to not want to disemmark themselves and their truck, and then
+imegiatly embark agin on a periongor or wagon, or car, or sunthin, and
+go a-trailin' off thousands of milds further. And then go through it all
+agin disembarkin' and unloadin' their truck, and themselves.
+
+Howsumever, I spozed if they sot out for the Fair from Africa, or
+Hindoostan, or Asia, I spozed they would keep on till they got there, if
+they had to go the hull length of the Misisippi River, and travelled in
+more'n forty different conveniences, etc., etc. But it didn't seem so
+handy nor nigh.
+
+But Chicago is dretful worrysome and active, jest like all children who
+have growed fast, and kinder outgrowed their clothes and family
+goverment.
+
+She is dretful forward for one of her years, and she knows it. She knows
+she is smart, and she is bound to have her own way if there is any
+possible way of gittin' it.
+
+And she had jest put her foot right down, that have that Fair she would.
+And like as not if she hadn't got it she would have throwed herself and
+kicked. I shouldn't wonder a mite if she had.
+
+But she jest clawed right in, and tore round and acted, and jawed, and
+coaxed, and kinder cried, and carried the day, jest as spilte children
+will, more'n half the time.
+
+Not but what New York wuz a-cuttin' up and a-actin' jest as bad,
+accordin' to its age.
+
+But Chicago wuz younger and spryer, and could kick stronger and cut up
+higher.
+
+New York wuz older and lamer, as you may say, its jints wuz stiffer, and
+it had lost some of its faculties, which made it dretful bad for her.
+
+It wuz forgetful; it had spells of kinder losin' its memory, and had had
+for years.
+
+Now, when the Great General died, why New York cut up fearful a-fightin'
+for the honor of havin' him laid to rest in its borders.
+
+Why, New York fairly riz up and kicked higher than you could have spozed
+it wuz possible for her to kick at her age, and hollered louder than you
+could have spozed it wuz possible with her lungs.
+
+When Washington, the Capital of this Great Republic, expressed a desire
+to have the Saviour of his Country sleep by the side of the Founder of
+it--why, New York acted fairly crazy, and I believe she wuz for a spell.
+Anyway, I believe she had a spazzum.
+
+Her wild demeanor wuz such, her snorts, her oritorys, resounded on every
+side, and wuz heard all over the land. She acted crazy as a loon till
+she got her way.
+
+She promised if she could have the Hero sleep there, she would build a
+monument that would tower up to the skies.
+
+[Illustration: If she could have the Hero sleep there, she would
+build a monument that would tower up to the skies.]
+
+The most stupendious, the most impressive work of art that wuz ever
+wrought by man.
+
+Wall, she got her way. Why, she cut up so, that she had to have it,
+seemin'ly.
+
+Wall, did she do as she agreed? No, indeed.
+
+She had one of her forgetful spells come right on her, a sort of a
+stupor, I guess, a-follerin' on after a bein' too wild and crazy about
+gittin' her way.
+
+And anyway, year after year passed, and no monument wuz raised, not a
+sign of one. She lied, and she didn't seem to care if she had lied.
+
+There the grave of the Great One wuz onmarked by even a decent memorial,
+let alone the great one they said they would raise.
+
+And when the Great Ones of the Old World--the renowned in Song and Story
+and History--when they ariv in New York, most their first thoughts wuz
+to visit the Grand Tomb of our Hero--
+
+The one who their rulers had delighted to honor--the one who had been
+welcomed in the dazzlin' halls of their Kings. And them halls had felt
+honored to have his shadow rest on 'em as he passed through 'em to
+audiences with royalty.
+
+They journeyed to that tomb. Some on 'em had been used to stand by the
+tombs of their own great dead under the magestic aisles of Westminster
+Abbey, whose lofty glories dwarfs the human form almost to a pigmy.
+
+Some had stood by the white marble poem of the Tag Megal in India,
+wherein a royal soul has carved his love for a woman. If that race, to
+whom we send missionaries to civilize them, could raise such a tomb over
+its dead, and a woman too, who had done no great things, only loved the
+man who raised this incomparable monument over her--what could they
+expect to find raised by this great and dominant race over the dead form
+of the man who had saved the hull country from ruin?
+
+So with feelin's of awe and wonder in their hearts, expectin' to see
+they knew not what, the awestruck, admirin' foreigner paused before the
+tomb of the Great Leader--and he see nothin'. Not even a respectable
+grave-stun, such as you see in any New England graveyard. (Or that has
+been the case till very lately. But now things look a little brighter in
+the monument line.)
+
+But it has been a shame, and a burnin' one, so burnin' that it has
+seemed to me that it would take all the cool blue waters that glide
+along below, a-complainin' of the slight and insult to our Hero--it
+would take more than all these waters to wash it out and make the
+country clean agin.
+
+But she had one of her spells, and whether she wuz well or whether she
+wuz sick, New York lied jest like a dog about it.
+
+Whether she wuz crazy or not, the fact remained that she had bragged,
+and then gin out; had promised, and not performed.
+
+I believe she wuz out of her head.
+
+Then there wuz the same kind of a performance she went through with the
+Goddess of Liberty.
+
+When France had gin that beautiful and most wondeful creeter to us as a
+present, it looked sort o' shabby in New York to not provide a platform
+for that female to stand up on.
+
+Now, didn't it? She a-offerin' to light up the world if she only had a
+place to stand up on--and the great continent of America not bein'
+willin' to gin it to her.
+
+[Illustration: She a-offerin' to light up the world, if she only had
+a place to stand up on.]
+
+New York talked--oh, yes, it wuz a-goin' to do great things! Oh, what a
+big, noble door-step it wuz a-layin' out to rize up for that goddess to
+stand on!
+
+But there it wuz, New York had one of her spells agin, lost her
+faculties, forgot all about what she said she wuz a-goin' to do--and
+left that noble female, left that princely present to lay round in a
+heap, a perfect imposition to France and to human nater.
+
+The idee of a goddess with no place to stand up on! The Great Republic
+a-stretchin' out on each side, and no place for her feet to rest on.
+
+And no knowin' but she would have been a-layin' round to-day, all broke
+up and onjinted, if it hadn't been for a public-sperited newspaper man,
+who took the matter up, and worked at it, and called public attention to
+it, till at last it got a place for the goddess to be histed up on her
+feet, and rest her legs a spell, all crumpled up under her.
+
+The idee of a goddess, and such a goddess, a layin' round with her legs
+all doubled up under her, and all broke up--the idee!
+
+Then it got the Centenial Exhibition there. And it wuzn't no more than
+right, what it promised and bound itself to do, to make some triumphal
+arches for the processions to walk under, a-triumphin'.
+
+Why, she vowed and declared solemn that she would make 'em if she could
+have it there.
+
+They wuz goin' to be, accordin' to her tell, accordin' to what New York
+said about it, about the most gorgus and impressive arches that ever wuz
+arched over anybody, fur or near, anywhere.
+
+Now, after it got the exhibition there, did it make 'em? No, indeed.
+
+It had another spell come on, clean forgot all about it. And there the
+Columbian Exposition come and no arch for it to walk under, not a arch,
+only some old boards nailed up, some like a barn door, only higher.
+
+[Illustration : Wooden arch]
+
+Wall, you see these kind o' crazy spells, losin' its faculties every
+once in a while, made it dretful hard for New York.
+
+I believe she would got the World's Fair if it hadn't been for that. But
+the question would keep a-comin' up, and the country had to pay
+attention to it--what if she got the World's Fair, and then had another
+fit! What if she had another spell come on, and forgot all about it!
+
+And lo! and behold! have the World's Fair sail up and halt in front of
+her and she not have any place for it, and mebby be out of her head so
+she couldn't remember nothin', wouldn't remember who Christopher wuz, or
+anythin'.
+
+No; the hull country felt that it wuz resky, and that, I have always
+spozed, wuz one reason why New York lost it.
+
+And then, as I have said heretofore, Chicago wuz jest bound to have it,
+and she did.
+
+But then, if you'll believe it, jest like any spilte young child that
+cries for another big apple when both its hands are full of 'em--it
+hadn't no place for it.
+
+It had got the World's Fair, but hadn't got any place to put it. The
+idee!
+
+Jest crazy to have it, cried and yelled, and acted, (metafor) till it
+got it. And then, lo! and behold! where wuz she goin' to put it? Hadn't
+a place big enough, or ready for it.
+
+Of course she had the lake. But she didn't want to drownd it, after
+makin' such a fuss over it; it wouldn't have seemed very horsepitable.
+And she didn't really want to put it out onto a prairie. And she
+couldn't put it right round under her feet, where it would git trampled
+on, and git bruised, and knocked round; that wouldn't be a-usin'
+Christopher Columbus as he ort to be used.
+
+And, as I say, she wuz honorable enough to not want to put it in the
+lake.
+
+And so, after worryin' and takin' on, and talkin' month after month
+about it, she concluded to split the Christopher Columbus World's Fair
+into some like this--put the Christopher part on a stagin' built out
+into the lake, and the Columbus part back a ways into the park.
+
+Wall, I didn't make no objections to it; I thought I wouldn't say a word
+or make a move to break it up, or make their burdens any heavier. No; I
+jest stood still and see it go on.
+
+Only I did talk some out to one side to my Josiah about it, about the
+curiosity of their behavior.
+
+Sez I, "It seems as if, after what Columbus done for the country, he ort
+to be kep hull, and not be broke into, and split apart. But howsumever,"
+sez I, "I sha'n't make any move to stop it."
+
+And Josiah sez "he guessed it wouldn't make much difference whether I
+made a move or not. He guessed Chicago could take care of its own
+business, and would do it."
+
+I wuz a-pinnin' the outside onto a comforter, and I had a lot of pins in
+my mouth, but before I put 'em in I sez--
+
+"Wall, it looks kind o' shiftless to me, to think they hadn't no place
+to put it, after all their actions."
+
+And as I resoomed my work, he went on:
+
+"Now, you imagine how you would feel, Samantha Allen, if you had bought
+a big elephant, bigger than Jumbo, and you knew it wuz on its way here,
+approachin' nearer and nearer--had got as fur as Old Bobbet's, and we
+hadn't a place to put it in that wuz suitable and strong enough--we
+couldn't git her head hardly in the stable, we couldn't leave her out
+doors to rampage round and step over barns and knock down housen, and we
+couldn't git it offen our hands any way, kill it, or give it away--how
+would you feel?"
+
+[Illustration: We couldn't git her head hardly in the stable.]
+
+Then I took my pins out of my mouth, and sez--
+
+"I wouldn't have bought the elephant till I had measured my barn."
+
+Then I put my pins in my mouth agin, for I thought like as not that I
+wouldn't have to use my tongue agin. I didn't lay out to, for my mouth
+wuz full, and I wuz in a hurry for my comforter.
+
+But Josiah sez, "O shaw! lots of folks buy things they hadn't no idee of
+buyin' till they see somebody else wants 'em bad.
+
+"I remember that is the way I come to buy that two-year colt; I hadn't a
+idee of wantin' it till I see Old Bobbet and Deacon Sypher jest sot on
+havin' it, and that whetted me right up, and I wuz jest bound to have
+that colt, and did. I didn't expect to find it profitable any of the
+time. I knew it would kick like the old Harry and smash things, and it
+did.
+
+"And that is jest the way with Chicago; she knew the World's Fair wuzn't
+over and above profitable to have round, besides bein' dretful
+bothersome, but she see New York and St. Louis a-dickerin' for it, and
+then she wanted it."
+
+"Wall," sez I, considerable dry and sharp, for I had three pins in my
+mouth at the time--
+
+"She has got it!"
+
+"Yes," sez Josiah, "and you'll see that she will put in and work lively,
+now she's got it; she'll show what she can do."
+
+"Yes," sez I, dryer than ever, and more sharper; "before she got a stun
+laid for a foundation to rest the World's Fair on, before she got a
+stick laid for Christopher to plant one of his feet on, she begun to buy
+up hull streets of housen to rig up for saloons, to make men drunk as
+fools, to make murderers and assassins of 'em.
+
+"I wonder what Columbus would say if he could stand there and see it go
+on."
+
+"He'd probable step in and take a drink," sez Josiah.
+
+"Never," sez I. "The eye that could discover without actual sight, the
+soul that could apprehend without comprehension--that could look fur off
+into the mist of the onknown, and see a New World risin' up before his
+rapt vision--such a eye and such a soul didn't depend on bad whiskey for
+its stimulent. No, indeed!
+
+"He didn't lay round in bar-rooms with a red nose, and a stagger onto
+him. He wuz up and about, with his senses all straight, and the star he
+follered wuzn't the light of a corner saloon.
+
+"No, indeed! He see the invisible. He wuz beloved of God, and hearn
+secrets that coarser minds round him never dremp of. He didn't try to
+cloy up them Heavenly senses with whiskey. No, indeed!
+
+"And Isabella now, if that likely creeter could be sot down in front of
+that long street of grog-shops, she would almost be sorry she ever sold
+her jewelry, she would be so sot back by seein' that awful sight."
+
+"O shaw!" sez Josiah, "she didn't sell her jewelry."
+
+"Wall, she wuz willin' to," sez I.
+
+"Id'no as she wuz. She jest talked about it; wimmen must talk or bust
+anyway, they are made so."
+
+"How are men made?" sez I dryly, as dry as ever a corncob wuz, after
+many years.
+
+"Oh, men are made so's they try to answer wimmen some--they have to;
+they have to keep their hand in so's to not lose their speech on that
+very account. I presume Columbus knew all about such things. He had two
+wives; he knew what trouble wuz."
+
+I see that man wuz a-tryin' every way to draw my attention away offen
+them long streets of saloons built up in Chicago, and I wouldn't suckumb
+to it. So I branched right out, and back agin, and sez I--
+
+"The idee of a civilized city, after eighteen hundred years of
+Christianaty--the idee of their doin' sunthin' that if savage Africans
+or Inguns wuz a-doin' the World would ring with it, and missionaries
+would start for 'em on the run, or by the carload.
+
+"There is a awful fuss made about a cannibal eatin' a man now and then,
+makin' a good plain stew of him, or a roast, and that is the end of it;
+they eat up his flesh, but they don't make no pretensions to fry up his
+soul; they leave that free and pure, and it goes right up to Heaven.
+
+"But here in our Christian land, in city and country, this great
+man-eatin' trade costs the country over a billion dollars a year, and
+devours one hundred and twenty thousand men each year, and destroys the
+soul and mind first, before it tackles the body.
+
+"They go as fur ahead of cannibals in this wickedness as eternity is
+longer than time.
+
+"And the Goverment, this great beneficent Goverment, that looks down
+with pity on oncivilized races--the Goverment of the United States sells
+and rents this man-eater and soul-destroyer at so much a year.
+
+"If I had my way," sez I, a-gittin' madder and madder the more I thought
+on't--
+
+"If I had my way I'd bring over a hull drove of cannibals and
+Hottentots, etc., and let 'em camp round Uncle Sam a spell, and try to
+reform him.
+
+"And the first thing I would have 'em make that old man do would be to
+empty out his pockets, turn 'em right inside out and empty out all the
+accursed gains he had got from this shameful traffic. And then I'd have
+them cannibals jest trot that old man right round to every saloon and
+rum-hole he had rented and wuz a partner in the proceeds, and make him
+lay to and empty out every barrel and hogset of whiskey and beer and
+cider, and make him do the luggin' and liftin' his own self.
+
+"And then I'd let them Hottentots drive him round a spell to all the
+houses of infamy in which he wuz in partnership, and I'd make him haul
+some matches out of his pockets and set fire to 'em, and burn 'em all
+down, every one of 'em.
+
+"And then I'd let the old man set down and rest a spell, and let them
+heathens instruct him and teach him a spell their way of man-eatin'. And
+I'll bet after a while they could git the old man up to their level, so
+if he sot out to kill a man, he would jest kill him, and not destroy his
+soul first. For he hain't upon a level with 'em now," sez I, a-lookin'
+firm and decided at my pardner.
+
+And he sez, "I shouldn't think you would dast to talk so about Uncle
+Sam; you have always pretended to like him--you would never bear to hear
+a word agin him."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "it is because I like him that I want him to do right. Do
+you spoze a mother don't like a child when she spanks him for temper, or
+blisters him for croup, or gives him worm-wood for worms?
+
+"I love that old man, and wish him awful well, and when I see him so
+noble and sot up in lots of things, it jest makes me mad as a hen to
+see him so awful mean and little in others.
+
+[Illustration: "I love that old man, and wish him awful well."]
+
+"I wouldn't think I liked him half so well if I sot down and see him
+stalk right on to his own ruin, and not try to stop him.
+
+"Do you spoze a ma would set and let the child she loved throw himself
+into the fire because he got mad? No; she would haul him back, and the
+more he kicked and struggled the more she would hang on, and like as not
+spank him.
+
+"I want this country to be the Light of the World, the favored of
+Heaven, and the admiration of all the different nations that will camp
+round it at the Christopher Columbus Exhibition. But they can't be
+expected to uphold no such doin's as these, let alone admirin' of 'em."
+
+
+Sez Josiah, "It beats all how wimmen will run on if a man gits drunk.
+Why don't you pitch into him, instead of blamin' the Goverment?"
+
+And I sez, "If you go to work to move a tree you don't pull on the top
+branches. Of course they are more showy and easy to git holt of. But you
+have to dig the roots out if you want to move the tree."
+
+Josiah looked real indifferent. He hain't like me in lots of things; he
+is more for dabblin' on the surface than divin' down under the water
+for first causes, and he spoke up the minute I had finished my last
+words, and sez he--
+
+"Krit and Thomas Jefferson are a-comin' here to dinner; they are goin'
+up to Zoar on business, and are a-goin' to stop as they come back. And I
+should think it wuz about time you got sunthin' started."
+
+And I sez, "The boys a-comin' here to dinner! Why'e--why didn't you tell
+me so?"
+
+And I got right up and went to makin' a lemon puddin'.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+I knew Thomas J. wuz a-layin' out to go up to Zoar some day that week to
+see about a young chap to stay in his office while he wuz at the World's
+Fair, and it seemed that Krit had gone along for company and for the
+ride.
+
+Them two young fellers love to be together. They are both as smart as
+whips--the very keenest, snappiest kind of whips.
+
+Wall, I laid out to git a good dinner, that wuz my calm intention; and I
+sent out Josiah Allen to ketch two plump pullets, I a-layin' out to
+stuff 'em with the particular kind of dressin' that Thomas J. is partial
+to. It is a good dressin'.
+
+And then I wuz a-layin' out to have some nice mashed-up potatoes, some
+early sweet peas, some lemon puddin', besides some coffee, jest as
+Thomas J. likes it--rich, golden coffee, with plenty of cream in it; and
+then besides I wuz goin' to have one or two vegetables that Josiah
+liked, and some jellys, etc., that Krit wuz particular fond of. Oh, I
+wuz goin' to have a good dinner, there hain't a doubt of that! Oh, and
+I wuz goin' to have some delicious soup too, to start off the dinner
+with! I got the receipt of Job Pressley's wife and improved on it,
+(though I wouldn't want her to know I said it, she is jealous
+dispositioned.) But I did.
+
+Wall, if you'll believe it, jest as I wuz a-finishin' my dressin',
+addin' the last ingregient to it, and my mind wuz all on a strain to
+have it jest right--
+
+All of a sudden Josiah Allen rushed in all out of breath, and hollered
+to me for a rope.
+
+"A rope?" sez I, bein' took aback.
+
+"Yes, a long, stout rope," sez he, a-standin' still and a-breathin'
+hard. Why, he looked that wild and agitated and wrought up, that the
+idee passed through my mind:
+
+Is that man a-contemplatin' suicide? Does he want to hang himself?
+
+But, as I sez, the idee only jest passed through my fore-top; it didn't
+find any encouragement to stay--it went through on the trot, as you may
+say.
+
+No, my noble-minded pardner never would commit suicide, I knew. But his
+looks wuz fearful, and I sez, almost tremblin'--
+
+"What do you want the rope for? I don't know of any rope, only the
+bed-cord up in the old chamber."
+
+At these words, that agitated, skairt man rushed right upstairs, I
+a-follerin' him, summer-savory still in my hands, and fear and tremblin'
+in my mean.
+
+And I see him dash up to the old bedstead in the attick, dash off the
+bedclothes and the feather-bed, and beginnin' oncordin' of it.
+
+I then laid hands on him, and commanded him to desist.
+
+"I won't desist," sez he, "I won't desist."
+
+There wuz I, still a-holdin' him by the back of his frock--he had on his
+barn clothes.
+
+"Then do you tell your pardner the meanin' of your actions imegetly and
+to once."
+
+"I hain't got time," sez he, and oh! how he wuz onriddlin' that old
+bedstead of the rope; the fuzz fairly flew offen the rope as he yanked
+it through them holes, and twice I wuz hit by it voyalently in my face,
+as I strove to hold him, and elicit some information out of him.
+
+But I could git nothin' but hard breathin' and muttered oathes till the
+bed-cord wuz all onloosened, and then he gathered it over his arm and
+started on the run for the door, I a-follerin'.
+
+And then I see that there stood Old Bobbet, Sime Yerden, Deacon Sypher,
+and, in fact, most all the men in the neighborhood and some beyend it,
+some from the Loontown road, and some from over towards Shackville.
+There wuz more'n twenty of 'em.
+
+And I sez, and I almost fainted as I sez it--
+
+"Has another war broke loose, or is it a wild animal from a circus? Tell
+me, oh, tell me what it is!"
+
+And one on 'em hollered, "It is a wild beast in human shape, but he
+won't be a wild beast much longer!"
+
+And he pinted to the rope he had on his arm.
+
+And I see then the fearful meanin' hangin' round that bed-cord. I see
+that others had 'em, and I see that hangin' wuz about to take place and
+ensue. And I besought Josiah Allen "to pause, to stay a little, to tell
+me what it all meant, to not take the law into his own hands."
+
+I poured out words like a flood, I wuz inkoherent in the extreme, and my
+words wuz vain.
+
+But Josiah Allen--oh, how that man loves me! He darted back, throwed a
+paper at my feet, and hollered--
+
+"That will explain, Samantha!" And then he wuz gone; I see 'em divide
+into four parties, and go towards the woods, and towards the hills, and
+towards the creek, and towards the beaver medder, each party havin' a
+rope, and I sez solemn like, before I thought--
+
+"May God have mercy on your poor soul!"
+
+I spoze I meant the one they wuz after, and mebby I meant them that wuz
+after him, I don't know; I wuz too inkoherent and wrought up to know
+what I did mean.
+
+But I know I sot down and read that paper as quick as I could find my
+specks. And I well remember that after huntin' high and low for 'em and
+all over the house with tremblin' knees and shaky hands cold as a
+frog's, I found 'em on my own fore-top, and I sot right down in my
+tracts and read.
+
+Well, it wuz enough to melt the heart of a stun, a granit stun, and as I
+sot there and read, the tears jest run down my face in a stream; why,
+they fell so that they wet the front of my gingham dress wet as sop, and
+ontirely onbeknown to me.
+
+But I kep a-thinkin' to myself, "Oh, that poor little creeter! Oh, them
+poor, poor creeters that loved her! Oh, that poor mother!" And then anon
+I would say to myself, "Oh, what if it wuz my Tirzah Ann! What if it wuz
+the Babe! Oh, that villian; may the Lord punish him!"
+
+And that is jest the way I sot, and wept, and cried, and cried and wept.
+
+You see, the way it wuz, there wuz a sweet little girl, only ten years
+old, decoyed by a lyin' excuse from her warm, cosey home at midnight by
+a villian, and took through the snowy, icy streets to her doom.
+
+Her little cold body wuz found in an empty old barn, and her destroyer,
+her murderer, had fled. But men wuz on his tracts, the hull country wuz
+roused, and they wuz huntin' him down, as if he wuz a wild animal, as
+indeed he wuz.
+
+But anon, as I read the paper over again, I see these words--"The man
+was intoxicated."
+
+And then I begun to weep on the other end of my handkerchief (metafor).
+
+And then, when other accounts come out, and the man wuz ketched, he
+swore, and swore solemn, too, that he did not remember one single
+solitary thing after he left that saloon where he got his drink till he
+sobered up and found himself by the side of that little dead body.
+
+And other witnesses swore that they see him drunk as a fool before he
+sot out on his murderous and worse than murderous assault.
+
+But from the time of the first tidings that come of the deed that had
+been done--though the excitement wuz more rampant that I ever knew it to
+be, and every single man in the community wuz out bloodthirsty for his
+death, and every party a-carry-in' a rope to hang him, and every woman
+a-lookin' out eager to see him hung, and all on 'em a-cursin' him, and
+a-weepin' over what he had done--
+
+Durin' all this time, not one word did I hear uttered agin the cause of
+his crime, agin the man who sold him what made him a murderer, and
+worse, or the man that supplied the saloon with this damnable liquid.
+
+No, not a single word did I hear from a Jonesvillian, male or female.
+And not one word from my pardner, though his excitement wuz so extreme
+that that night, jest about dusk, he rushed out thinkin' that he had got
+the murderer, and throwed the rope round Deacon Sypher, who had come
+over to borrow an auger. And once in a similer way he ketched Old
+Bobbet, his excitement and zeal wuz so rampant and intense.
+
+[Illustration: He rushed out and throwed the rope around Deacon Sypher.]
+
+Them old men wuz mad as hens, and cause enough they had, though they
+forgive him when they see what a state he wuz in, and they jest about as
+bad themselves.
+
+But not a word from them, nor from any one did I hear durin' the hull
+time the excitement rained--and oh! how it did rain--about the cause of
+the crime.
+
+Not one man waded in and dived down into the deep undercurrent of
+causes, that strange deep that underlays all human actions.
+
+And once durin' the last day's hunt for the murderer, who wuz hidin'
+round somewhere--it wuz spozed in the woods--I see as I looked out of my
+kitchen winder, at a party headed for our swamp, one man fur more
+ferocious actin' than any I had seen; he wuz a-hollerin' wilder, and he
+carried a fur longer rope.
+
+And I asked my companion who that man wuz that acted madder and fur more
+fiercer than any of the rest and more anxious to git holt of the
+escapin' man, so he could be hung up to once to the highest tree that
+could be found.
+
+I hearn him say that right out of my own kitchen winder--I hearn him
+say--
+
+"We won't wait for no law; if we only ketch him we will hang him up so
+high that the buzzards can't git him."
+
+And then he yelled out savage and fierce and started off on a run for
+the swamp, the rest of the men applaudin' him up high, and follerin' on
+after him.
+
+And Josiah told me that wuz the saloon-keeper up to Zoar.
+
+Sez I, "The very man that sold that poor sinner the licker on that
+night?"
+
+"Yes," sez Josiah.
+
+"Wall," sez I, "the rope ort to be used on his own neck."
+
+And Josiah Allen acted awfully horrified at my idee, and asked me "if I
+wuz as crazy as a loon?"
+
+And sez he, "He has been one of the fiercest ones to head him off that
+has been out."
+
+And I sez dryly--dry as a chip, "He wuzn't so fierce to head him off the
+night he sold him the whiskey and hard cider." Sez I, "That headin' off
+would have amounted to sunthin'."
+
+And agin I sez, "The rope ort to be used on his own neck, if it is on
+anybody's, his and Uncle Sam's."
+
+And agin Josiah Allen asked me, "If I wuz as crazy as a dumb loon and a
+losin' my faculties--what few of 'em you ever had," sez he.
+
+And I sez, "The two wuz in partnership together, and they got the man to
+do the murder." Sez I, "Most all the murders that are done in this
+country are done by that firm--the Goverment and the Saloon-keeper. And
+when their poor tools, that they have whetted up for bloodshed, swing
+out through their open doors and cut and slash and mow down their
+ghastly furrows of crime and horrer, who is to blame?"
+
+And Josiah turned over the almanac to the yeller cover and perused it,
+so's to show his perfect and utter indifference and contempt for my
+words.
+
+Wall, they ketched the man a day or two after, about sundown. He had
+been a little ahead of his pursuers, a-dodgin' 'em this way and that
+way, jest like a fox a-dodgin' a pack of hounds.
+
+His old rubber boots wuz all wore offen him, his clothes hangin' in rags
+and tatters where he had rushed through the woods and swamps, his feet
+and hands all froze. Half starved, and almost idiotic with fear and
+remorse and the effects of the poisoned licker and doctored cider he had
+drinked, he wuz the most pitiful and wretched-lookin' object I ever see
+in my hull life.
+
+And it happened he wux took a little over a mile from us, and he wuz
+brung right by our door.
+
+There wuz some officers in the party, so they interfered and kep the mob
+from hangin' him right up by the neck.
+
+They said they had to hold that saloon-keeper to keep his hands offen
+him, and they said that in spite of all he did git the rope round him.
+
+But the officers interfered, and after that they had to hold the
+saloon-keeper to keep him from the prisoner.
+
+And I sez, when Josiah was a-praisin' up the saloon-keeper's zeal, and
+how the officers had to hold him--
+
+I sez, "It is a pity the officers didn't hold him in the first place,
+and then all the horrer and tragedy might have been saved."
+
+But my pardner wouldn't even notice a thing I said. He felt, I could
+see, that my remarks wuz indeed beneath his notice.
+
+Wall, I stood and see this poor, weak, despairin' victim of rum dragged
+off to a felon's doom, dragged off to the scaffold, and one of his chief
+draggers wuz the one that caused his crime--caused it accordin' to law.
+And the rest of his draggers wuz the ones who had voted to have the
+trade of murderer makin' and child killin' and villian breedin'
+perpetuated and kep up.
+
+And the Goverment of the United States hung him, the same Goverment that
+wuz in partnership with that saloon up in Zoar, and took part of the pay
+for makin' this man murder that innocent little girl.
+
+Wall, Josiah and me, we went to that funeral. I felt that I must go, and
+so did he; it wuz only about five milds from here, in the Methodist
+Episcopal Meetin'-House up to Zoar.
+
+Her father and mother wuz members in good standin'. Lots of
+Jonesvillians went to the funeral; there hadn't been such a excitement
+in Zoar and Jonesville sence Seth Widrik murdered his wife's mother
+with a broad axe (and that wuz done through whiskey, so they say; it wuz
+done before my time).
+
+The Meetin'-House in Zoar wuz crowded to its utmost capacity and the
+ceilin'. And seats wuz sot in all the aisles, and the pulpit stairs wuz
+full of folks, and the door-steps, and the front yard wuz packed full.
+We went early, and got a seat.
+
+[Illustration: Wall, Josiah and me, we went to that funeral.]
+
+All the ministers of Zoar, and Jonesville, and Loontown, and Shackville
+wuz there, and of all the sermons that wuz preached--wall, it wuz a
+sight. The tears jest run down most everybody's face, and when the
+mourners wuz addressed, why, big, hefty men all round me jest boohooed
+right out. Why, it wuz enough to melt a stun.
+
+Then the preacher depictered that little golden head that had made
+sunshine in her home through the darkest days, as bein' brung low by an
+asassin. Then he spoke of that sweet little silvery voice a-ringin'
+through the home and the hearts of her father and mother, of how it wuz
+lifted up in vain appeal to her slayer that dretful night.
+
+Then he spoke of the tender white arms that clung so lovingly round her
+parent's neck, how they wuz lifted up in frantic appeal and vain to her
+destroyer that bleak night, and wuz now folded up to be lifted no more
+till she met that man at the bar of God. And then the little arm would
+be raised and point him out "murderer." The sweet eyes, full of God's
+avenging wrath, would smite him as accursed from God's presence forever.
+
+And then he depictered it all how she would be taken to His own heart by
+Him "who said that He would carry the lambs in His bosom." And this poor
+wounded lamb, He would hold more tenderly than any other, while the
+murderer! the villian! the asassin! would be hurled downward into
+everlasting burning, where he would dwell forever and forever in the
+midst of unquenchable flames, in partial payment of that deed of hisen.
+
+Why, when he said them last words about the prisoner, folks looked so
+relieved and pleased that their tears almost dried.
+
+And the saloon-keeper, who sot right in front of me, hollered
+out--"Amen, amen, so mote it be!"
+
+He wuz a Methodist, he had a right to holler. And folks looked approvin'
+at him for it.
+
+But I didn't--no, fur from it. I kep up a-thinkin' what I read--
+
+"That the prisoner wuz a good-hearted man, only drink made a fiend and a
+fool of him." And that he said solemn "that he did not remember one
+thing that had taken place after he had taken his three first drinks up
+in that saloon, till he sobered up and found himself in that deserted
+old barn, with the little dead body by his side, little delicate
+creeter, dead and frozen, with all of the black future of desperate
+remorse and agony for him a-lookin' at him in the stare of her open blue
+eyes."
+
+Sweet little forget-me-not eyes, like two spring violets frozen in a
+drift of snow. What strange things I read in 'em, with my tears
+a-fallin' fast onto 'em!
+
+They seemed full of mute questionin'. They seemed to be lookin' up
+through the blue sky clear up to God's throne. They seemed to almost
+compel a answer from divine justice as to what wuz the cause of her
+murder. To appeal dumbly to the God of Justice and Mercy to wipe out
+this curse from our land--the curse that wuz causin' jest such murders,
+and jest such agonies, all over our land--sendin' out to the gallows and
+down to perdition jest such criminals.
+
+The little coffin had to be put out in the yard, as I say, so the crowd
+could walk past it.
+
+And there the little golden head and white face lay for 'em all to see.
+But nobody seemed to see in 'em what I see. For amongst the many curses
+of the murderer that I heard, not one word did I hear about the man that
+caused the murder, about the voters and upholders of that man, about the
+Goverment that wuz in partnership with that man and went shares with
+him, and for the sake of a few cents had dealt out that agony, that
+shame, and that criminality.
+
+[Illustration: Not one word did I hear about the Goverment that wuz
+in partnership with that man.]
+
+Wall, the little coffin wuz closed at last, the mother wuz carried
+faintin', and lookin' like a dead woman, back to her empty, darkened
+home. The father, with a face like white marble, curbin' down his own
+agonized grief so's to take care of her, and try to bring her back to
+the world agin, so they could together face its blackness and emptiness.
+
+And the crowd dispersed, lookin' forward to the excitement of the
+hangin'.
+
+And the saloon-keeper went home and mebby counted over the few cents
+that accrued to him out of the hull enterprise.
+
+And the wise male voters returned, a-calculatin' (mebby) on votin' for
+license so's to improve the condition of their towns.
+
+And Uncle Sam, poor, childish old creeter, mebby wrote down aginst this
+hull job--"three cents revenue." And mebby he rattled them cents round
+in his old pockets. I don't know what he did; I hain't no idee what he
+won't take it into his old head to do.
+
+And the prisoner sot in his dark, cold cell, and didn't appreciate,
+mebby, the wisdom of the wise law-makers increasin' our revenues by such
+means.
+
+No; he had all he could do to set and look at the bare stun walls, and
+figger out this sum--on one side the three cents profit; and substract
+from it--a bright young life ended, lifelong agony to the hearts that
+loved her.
+
+His own old mother's and sister's heads and hearts bowed down in shame
+and sorrow.
+
+His own hopeful life cut short at the edge of the scaffold, and for the
+future--what?
+
+He couldn't quite work that out, for this text kep comin' into his
+sum--"No drunkard shall inherit eternal life."
+
+And then another text kep a-comin' up--
+
+"Cursed is he that putteth the cup to his neighbor's lips."
+
+No, he didn't feel the triumphant wisdom of the licker traffic. He
+wouldn't feel like rattlin' the three cents round in his pockets if he
+had 'em, but he didn't have 'em. His sum, no matter how many times he
+figgered it out, stood nothin' but orts, nothin' but clear loss to him,
+here and hereafter.
+
+Wall, I have rode off considerable of a ways with my wagon hitched on in
+front of my horse, and to go back to the horse's head agin.
+
+I had a good dinner by the time the boys got back from Zoar--a excellent
+one.
+
+And in order to go on with my story, and keep right by that horse's head
+I spoke of, I will pass over Josiah's excitement when he come in jest
+before dinner, and throwed his rope down in the corner of the kitchen;
+but suffice it to say, his excitement wuz nearly rampant.
+
+I will pass over the two boys' indignant anger, which wuz jest the same
+as mine, only stronger, as much stronger as man's strength is stronger
+than a woman's.
+
+Thomas J. had been successful in gittin' the young chap; he wuz a-comin'
+when he wuz wanted. Thomas J. wuzn't goin' to wait till the last minute
+before he engaged him; our son is a wonderful good business
+man--wonderful.
+
+And everything seemed to bid fair that we should git off with no
+hendrances to the World's Fair, to pay our honor and our respects to
+Christopher Columbus.
+
+And oh, how I did honor that man! I sot there in my peaceful kitchen
+that afternoon, after the boys had gone away, perfectly satisfied with
+the dinner I had gin 'em.
+
+And when I had got my mind a little offen that poor little girl and her
+poor drunken destroyer, I begun to think agin of Christopher Columbus,
+and what he had done, and what he hadn't done, till I declare for't I
+got fairly lost in thoughts.
+
+I thought of how he had been scorfed at and jerred at for not thinkin'
+as other folks did. And how he kep workin', and hopin', and believin',
+and persistin' in thinkin' that he wuz in the right on't, and kep on a
+lookin' over the wide waste of waters for the New Land.
+
+And I thought to myself how I would enjoy a good visit with Christopher,
+and how he would sympathize with us, who, though we may be scorfed at by
+our pardners, and the world.
+
+Yet can't help a-lookin' off over the troubled waves of unjust laws, and
+cruel old customs, a-tryin' to catch a glimpse of the New and Freer
+Land, that our hopes and our divine intuitions tell us is there beyend
+the shadows, a-waitin' for free men and free wimmen.
+
+Yes, I did feel at that time how conjenial Christopher Columbus would
+have been to me.
+
+As I have said more formally, Christopher wuz sot up in my mind to a
+almost tottlin' hite, on account of several things he did, and several
+things he didn't do.
+
+Yes; Christopher wuz sot up in my mind to a almost tottlin' hite, on
+account of several things he did, and several things he didn't do.
+
+Now, if anybody to-day branches out into any new and beautiful belief
+and practice--anything that is beyend the vision of more carnal-minded
+people--
+
+Why they raise the cry to once, "Let us cling to common sense. Let us be
+guided by what we see and know. Don't let us float out on any new
+theory. Don't less go out of sight of the Shore of old Practice, and
+Custom."
+
+And lots of times them rare souls to whom the secrets of God are
+revealed--them who see the High White Ideal lightnin' the Darkness--the
+glowin' form of a New Truth shinin' out amidst the thick clouds
+overhead--lots of times they git bewildered and skairt by the mockin'
+voices about them. They drop their eyes before the insultin',
+oncomprehendin' sneers of the multitude, and fall into commonplace ways,
+and walks, to please the commonplace people about them. Jest dragged
+down by them Mockers and Scoffers.
+
+Some of 'em mebby united to 'em by links of earth-made metal, Sons of
+God married to the Daughters of men, mebby, and castin' their kingly
+crowns at the feet of a Human Love.
+
+Did Columbus do so? No, indeed. I dare presume to say that the more Miss
+Columbus nagged at him the more sotter he grew in his own views.
+
+(I have used this simely on this occasion on the side of males, but it
+is jest as true on the side of females. For Inspiration and Genius when
+it falls from Heaven is jest as apt to descend and settle down onto a
+female's fore-top as a male's, and the blind and naggin' pardner is jest
+as apt to be a male--jest exactly.)
+
+But as I wuz a-sayin', the more Columbus wuz mocked at--the more they
+jeered and sneered at him, the more stiddy and constant he pursued after
+the Land that appeared only to his prophetic eyes.
+
+Day after day, when he wuz tired out, beat completely out by the
+incomprehension, and weary doubts, and empty denials of the
+multitude--then, like a breath of balm, came to his weary forward the
+soft gale from the land he sought; he saw in his own mind the tall pines
+reach up into the blue skies, the rich bloom and greenness of its
+Savannas; he inhaled the odor of rare blossoms that the Old World
+never saw, and then he riz up agin, refreshed, as it were, and ready to
+press forwards.
+
+[Illustration: He saw in his own mind the tall pines reach up into
+the blue skies.]
+
+Yes, in every country, through all time, there has always been some
+Columbus, walkin' with his feet on the ground amongst mortals, and his
+head in the Heavens amongst Gods.
+
+He has oftenest been poor, and always misunderstood, and undervalued, by
+the grosser souls about him.
+
+The discoverers, the inventors, whom God loves best, it must be, sence
+He confides in 'em, and tells 'em things He keeps hid from the World.
+Them who apprehend while yet they cannot comprehend.
+
+And that is what we have got to do lots of times if we git along any in
+this World, if we calculate to git out of its Swamps and Morasses onto
+any considerable rise of ground.
+
+You can't foller a ground-mice or a snail, if you lay out to elevate
+yourself; no, you must foller a Star.
+
+You have got to keep your eyes up above the ground, or your feet will
+never take you up any mountain side.
+
+And how them mariners tried to make Columbus turn back after he had at
+last, through all his tribulations, sot sail on the broad, treacherous
+Ocean--jest think of his tribulations before he started!
+
+Troubles with poverty, and ignorance, and unbelief, and perils by foes,
+and perils by false friends, and perils by long delay.
+
+How for years and years he carried round them strong beliefs of hisen,
+ofttimes in a hungry and faint body, and couldn't git nobody to believe
+in 'em--couldn't git nobody to even hear about 'em.
+
+Year after year did he toil and endeavor to git somebody to listen to
+his plans, and glowin' hopes.
+
+Year after year, while the lines deepened on his patient face, and the
+hopes that wuz glowin' and eager became deep and fervent, and a part of
+him.
+
+How strange, how strange and sort o' pitiful, this one man out of a
+world full of men and wimmen, this one man with his tired feet on the
+dust and worn sand of the Old World, and his head and heart in the New
+World.
+
+No one else of the world full of men and wimmen to believe as he did--no
+one else to be even willin' to hear him talk about his dreams, his
+hopes, and impassioned beliefs.
+
+No; and I don't know but Columbus would have dropped right down in his
+tracts, and we wouldn't have been discovered to this day, if a woman
+hadn't stepped in, and gin the seal of her earnest trust to the ideal of
+the ambitious man.
+
+He a-willin' to plough the new path into the ontried fields, she a-bein'
+willin' to hold the plough, as you may say, or, at all events, to help
+him in every way in her power--with all her womanly faith, and all her
+ear-rings, and breast-pins, etc., etc.
+
+[Illustration: With all her womanly faith, and all her ear-rings and
+breast-pins, etc., etc.]
+
+She, a female woman, out of all that world full of folks, she it wuz
+alone that stood out boldly the friend of Columbus and Discovery.
+
+"Male and female created He them." Another deep instance of that great
+truth in life and in nature, and in all matters relatin' to the good of
+the world. "Male and female created He them."
+
+The world will find it out after awhile, and so will Dr. Buckley.
+
+Ferdinand wuz a good creeter--or that is, middlin' good; but his
+eye-sight wuzn't such as would see down clear through the truth of
+Columbuses theory.
+
+And if folks set out to blame Ferdinand too much, let 'em pause and
+think what the World would say and do if a man should appear in our
+streets to-day, and say that he believed that he had proof that there
+wuz a vast, beautiful country a-layin' in the skies to the west of us
+beyend the clouds of the sunset, and he wanted to git money to build a
+air-ship to sail out to it.
+
+How much money would he git? How much stock would he sell in that
+enterprise? How many men would he git to sail out with him on that
+voyage of Discovery? What would Vanderbilt and Russell Sage say to it?
+
+[Illustration: What would Russell Sage say?]
+
+Why, they would say that the man wuz a fool, and that the only way to
+travel wuz on iron rails or steamships. They would say that there wuzn't
+any such land as he depictered. That it existed only in his crazy brain.
+
+Wall, it wuz jest about as wild a idee that Ferdinand had to listen to;
+I d'no that he wuz any more to blame than they would be for not hearin'
+to it.
+
+But Isabelle, she wuz built different. There wuz some divine atmosphere
+of Truth and Reality about this idee that reached her heart and mind.
+Her soul and mind bein' made in jest the right way to be touched by it.
+
+She, too, wuz built on jest the right plan so she could apprehend what
+she could not yet comprehend. So she gin him her cordial sympathy, and
+also, as I said, her ear-rings, etc.
+
+But after the years and years that he toiled and labored for the means
+to carry out his idees--after these long years of effort and hardship,
+and disappointments and delays--after his first vain efforts--after he
+did at last git launched out on the Ocean a-sailin' out on the broad,
+empty waste in search of sunthin' that he see only in his mind's eye--
+
+How the storms beat on him--how the winds and waves buffeted him, and
+tried to drive him back--but--"No, no, he wuz bound for the New Land! he
+wuz bound for the West!"
+
+How the sailors riz up and plead with him and begged him to turn
+back--but "No," sez he, "I go to the New Land!"
+
+Then they would tell him that there wuzn't any such Land, and stick to
+it right up and down, and jeer at him.
+
+Did it turn him round--"No! I sail onward," sez he, "I go to the West!"
+
+Then the principalities and powers of the onseen World seemed to take it
+in hand and tried to drive him back. There wuz signs and omens seen that
+wuz reckoned disastrous, and threatened destruction.
+
+Mebby the souls of them who had passed over from the New Land, mebby
+them disembodied faithful shades wuz a-tryin' to save their free sunny
+huntin' grounds from the hands of the invader, and their race from the
+fate that threatened 'em--mebby they hurled onseen tommyhawks, and
+shrieked down at 'em, tryin' to turn 'em back--
+
+Mebby they did, and then agin mebby they didn't.
+
+But anyway, there wuz lurid lightin' flashes that looked like flights of
+fiery arrows aimed at the heads of the Spanish seamen, and shriekin's of
+the tempest amidst the sails overhead that sounded like cries of anger,
+and distress, and warnin'.
+
+Did Columbus heed them fearful warnin's and turn back? No; dauntless and
+brave, a-facin' dangers onseen, as well as seen, he sez--
+
+"I sail onward!"
+
+And so he did, and he sailed, and he sailed--and mebby his own brave
+heart grew sick and faint with lookin' on the trackless waste of waters
+round him, and no shore in sight for days, and for days, and for days.
+
+But if it did, he give no signs of it--"I sail onward!" he sez.
+
+And finally the lookout way up on the dizzy mast see a light way off on
+the horizon, and then the night came down dark, and when the sun wuz riz
+up--lo! right before 'em lay the shores of the New World. And the Man's
+and the Woman's belief wuz proved true--and the gainsayin' World wuz
+proved wrong. Success had come to 'em.
+
+And after the doubt, and the danger, and the despair, and the
+discouragement had all been endured--after the ideal had been made real,
+why then it wuz considered quite easy to discover a New World.
+
+It wuzn't considered very hard. Why, all you had to do wuz to sail on
+till you come to it.
+
+After a thing is done it is easy enough.
+
+Nowadays we are sot down before as great conundrums as Columbus wuz. The
+Old World groans under old abuses, and wrongs, and injustices. The old
+paths are dusty and worn with the feet of them who have marked its rocks
+and chokin' sands with their bleedin' feet, as they toiled on over 'em
+bearin' their crosses.
+
+Dark clouds hang heavy over their paths--the atmosphere is chokin' and
+stiflin'.
+
+Fur off, fresh and fair, lays the New Land of our ideal. The realm of
+peace, and justice to all, of temperance, and sanity, and love and joy.
+
+Fur off, fur off, we hear the melodious swash of its waves on its green
+banks--we see fur off the gleam of its white, glory-lit mountain-tops.
+
+Men have gin their strength and their lives for this ideal, this vision
+of glory and freedom.
+
+Wimmen have took their jewels from their bosom, and gin 'em to this
+cause of Human Right. Gin 'em with breakin' hearts, and white lips that
+tried to smile, as the last kiss of lover and son, husband and brother,
+rested on 'em.
+
+Yes, men and wimmen both have seen that Ideal Land, that New Land of
+Liberty and Love. They have apprehended it with finer senses than
+comprehension--have seen it with the clearer light of the soul's eyes.
+
+Some green boughs from its high palms have been washed out on the
+swellin' waves that lay between us and that Land, and floated to our
+feet. Sometimes, when the air wuz very still and hushed, and a Presence
+seemed broodin' on the rapt listnin' earth, we have looked fur, fur up
+into the clear depths of blue above us, and we have ketched the distant
+glimpse of birds of strange plumage onknown to this Old World. Fur off,
+fur off their silvery wings have floated, a-comin' from the West, from
+the land that lays beyend the sunset's golden glory.
+
+Some of the light of that New Country has shone on us in inspired eyes,
+some of its strange language has been hearn by us from inspired lips.
+
+But oh! the wide, pathless sea that lays between us and that land of
+full Fruition and Glory and Freedom.
+
+Shall we set down on the shores of our Old World, and give up the hope
+and glory of the New? Shall we listen to the jeers and sneers of them
+that tell us that there hain't any such country as that we look
+for--that it is impossible, that it is aginst all the laws of
+Nater--that it don't exist, and never can, only in our crazed brains?
+
+No, we will man the boat, though the waves dash high, and the skies are
+dark--we will man and woman the life-boat--side by side will the two
+great forces stand, the Motherhood and the Fatherhood, Love and Justice,
+the hope and strength of Humanity shall stand at the hellum. The wind is
+a-comin' up; it is only a light breeze now, but it shall rise to a
+strong power that shall waft us on to the New Land of Justice and Purity
+and Liberty--for all that our souls long for.
+
+But we have got to shet our eyes to the outward world that presses round
+us closter than the streets of Genoa did round Columbus. We have got to
+see things invisible, trust in things to come--sail onwards through the
+doubts, and the darkness, and the dangers round us, not heeding the
+jeers and sneers of a gainsayin' world.
+
+Will we be discouraged and drove back by the powers of darkness? by the
+things seen and the things onseen?
+
+No, the man and the woman side by side will sail on through them rough
+waves. The wind is a-comin' up fresh and free that shall spread the
+sails and waft the life-boat into the Land of Promise.
+
+For the word is sure, and He says--
+
+"I will bring you out into a great place."
+
+But I am a-eppisodin', and a-eppisodin' to a length and depth almost
+onpresidented and onheard on--and to resoom, and go on.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+Hain't it curious how tellin' over a thing will bring back all of the
+circumstances a-surroundin' of it round--bring 'em all up fresh to you.
+
+I wuz a-tellin' Krit about that Equinomical Counsel that wuz held to
+Washington, D.C. And though I hain't no hand and never wuz to find one
+word of fault with my dear companion to outsiders, still, as he wuz all
+in the family, I did say that his Uncle wuz at one time very anxious to
+go to it.
+
+And after Krit went away--he had come over from Tirzah Ann's that day,
+and staid to supper with us--I sot there alone, for Josiah had took him
+back in the democrat, and all the circumstances of that time come back
+onto me agin.
+
+It wuz on a Monday that I had my worst trial with him about that
+Equinomical Counsel, as I remember well. And though I didn't tell Krit
+any of my worst tribulations with him, still, oh, how vivid they did
+come back to me, as I sot there alone, and a-seamin' two and two!
+
+As I say, it wuz on a Monday morning. The two children had invited their
+Pa and me to visit a good deal durin' the week before, and I had got
+kind a behindhand with my work.
+
+And then I had felt so kinder mauger for a few days, that Josiah
+insisted that I should git a young girl in the neighborhood to help me
+for a few days, Philury and Ury bein' away on a visit to some relations.
+
+Wall, that day I had washin', bakin', churnin', and some fruit cake to
+make.
+
+It fairly made me ache to think on't, the numbers and amounts of the
+work that pressed onto me, and nobody but that young girl to help me.
+And she that took up with her bo, Almanzo Hagidone, that she wuz in a
+forgitful state more'n half the time, and liable to carry a armful of
+wood meant for the kitchen stove into the parlor, and put it end first
+onto the what-not, or pump water into Josiah's hat instead of the
+water-pail.
+
+I tried to instil some common sense into her head, but her hair wuz
+bound up that tight with curl papers that nothin' could git past that
+ambuscade, so it would seem, but jest the image and the idee of Almanzo
+Hagidone.
+
+Wall, I kep her pretty much in the wood-shed, when she wuz in her worst
+stages, where there wuzn't much besides the old cook-stove and wash-tubs
+that she could graze aginst and fall over.
+
+I dast as well die as to trust her with vittles, for I felt that them
+wuz vital pints, and must not be meddled with by loonaticks or idiots,
+and with them two ranks I had to stand Mary Ann Spink in her most
+love-sick spazzums.
+
+So I sot her to rubbin' onto Josiah's shirts, and I took my bowl of
+raisins and English currants and things into the kitchen and sot down
+calmly to pickin' 'em over and choppin' 'em.
+
+My fruit cake is good, though I say it that ort not to; it is widely
+known and admired.
+
+Wall, I sot there middlin' calm, and a-hummin' over a sam tune loud
+enough so's Mary Ann could hear it; and I hummed it, too, in a strictly
+moral way, and for a pattern; it was this:
+
+"Put not your trust in mortal man,
+Set not your hopes on him," etc., etc., etc.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+And I see I wuz impressin' of her, for I could hear after a while from
+the wood-shed that she too had broke forth in song, and she was a-jinin'
+in, low and dretful impressive, with--
+
+"Hark from the tombs a mournful sound."
+
+I don't think she meant my singin'--Josiah did when we talked it over
+afterwards.
+
+He believed it firm.
+
+I believe I wuz a-moralizin' of her, and should have done good if I
+hadn't been broke in on.
+
+But all of a sudden Josiah Allen fairly bust into the house, all wrought
+up, and fearful excited.
+
+He had been a-talkin' with Deacon Henzy out by the gate, and I spoze
+Deacon Henzy had disseminated some new news to him. But anyway he wuz
+crazy with a wild and startlin' idee.
+
+[Illustration: A-talkin' with Deacon Henzy.]
+
+He wanted to set off to once to the Equinomical Counsel, which he said
+wuz a-goin' to be held by the male Methodists in Washington, D.C. And,
+sez he--
+
+"Samantha, git my fine shirt and my best necktie to once, for I want to
+start on the noon train."
+
+"What for?" sez I coldly; for I discourage his wild projects all I can.
+
+I have to act like a heavy weight in a clock movin' half the time, or he
+would be jest swept to and frow like a pendulum. It makes me feel queer.
+
+Sez I, "What are you a-layin' out to set off for Washington, D.C., for?"
+
+My tone kinder hung on to him, and stiddied him down some. And he lost
+some of his wild and excited mean. And he stopped onbuttonin' his
+vest--he had onbuttoned his shirt-collar and took his old necktie off on
+his way from the gate--so ardent and impulsive is my dear pardner, and
+so anxious to start.
+
+"Why," sez he, "I told you, didn't I? I am goin' to Washington to tend
+to that Equinomical Counsel. Five hundred male men are a-goin' to git
+together to counsel together on the best ways of bein' equinomical. And
+here at last"--sez he proudly--"here at last is the chance I have always
+been a-lookin' out for. Here is the opportunity for me to show off, and
+be somebody."
+
+And here he begun agin to onbutton his shirt-sleeves and loosen his
+collar.
+
+But I sez slowly and firmly, and as much like a heavy weight as I
+could--
+
+"It is three hours to train time. Set down and act like a human bein'
+and a Methodist, and tell me what it is you want to do."
+
+He glanced up at the clock onto the mantlery-piece, and he see I wuz
+right about the time. And he sot down, and sez he--
+
+"That is jest how I want to act, like a Methodist, and a equinomical
+counsellor."
+
+"What for?" sez I. "What do you want to do?"
+
+"Why, to teach 'em," sez he. "To show myself off. To counsel 'em."
+
+"To counsel 'em about what?" sez I heavily, bein' bound to come to the
+bottom of the matter, and the sense on't, if sense there wuz in it.
+
+"Why," sez he, "they are havin' a counsel there to see if there are any
+new ways for men and Methodists to be equinomical. And I'll be dumned if
+there is a man or a Methodist from Maine to Florida that can counsel 'em
+better about bein' equinomical than I can.
+
+"Why, you have always said so," sez he. "You have called it tightness,
+but I have always known that it wuz pure economy; and now," sez he, "has
+come the chance of a lifetime, for me to rise up and show myself off
+before the nation. To git the high, lofty name that I ort to have, and
+do good."
+
+I dropped my choppin' knife out of my hand, and rested my elbow on the
+table, and leaned my head on my hand in deep thought.
+
+I see he had more sense on his side than I thought he had. I recollected
+the different and various ways in which he had showed his equinomical
+tightness sence our married life begun, and I trembled for the result.
+
+I ruminated over our early married life, and how, in spite of his words
+of almost impassioned tenderness and onwillingness for me to harm and
+strain myself by approachin' the political pole--still how he had let me
+wrestle with weighty hop-poles and draw water out of a deep well with a
+cistern pole for more'n fourteen years.
+
+I remembered how he had nearly flooded out his own precious and valuable
+insides at Saratoga by his wild efforts to git the full worth of the
+five cents he had advanced to the Spring-tender.
+
+I remembered the widder's mite, how he had interpreted that scriptural
+incident about that noble female--as interpreters will, to suit their
+own idees as males--and how I had argued with him in vain on the mite,
+and his onscriptural and equinomical views.
+
+I felt that he had a strong and powerful case; and though I could not
+brook the idee of his goin', still I thought that I must be as wise as a
+serpent and as harmless as a turkle-dove, to git the victory over him.
+
+He see by the fluckuations of color on my usially calm cheek, and by the
+pensive and thoughtful look in my two gray orbs, that I felt the
+strength and powerfulness of his cause.
+
+And as he mused, he begun in joyous and triumphant axents to bring up
+before me some of his latest and most striking instances of equinomical
+tightness.
+
+Sez he, "Do you remember the case of Sy Biddlecomb, and them green
+pumpkins of mine, how I--" But I interrupted his almost fervid
+eloquence, and sez I, with my right hand extended in a real eloquent
+wave,
+
+"Pause, Josiah Allen, and less consider and weigh things in the
+balances. Go not too fast, less disapintment attend your efforts, and
+mortification wrops you in its mantilly.
+
+"Your equinomical ways, Josiah Allen," sez I, "it seems to me ort to
+rize you up above every other man on the face of the globe, and make a
+lion of you of the first magnitude, even a roarin' African lion, as it
+were."
+
+He looked proud and happy, and I proceeded.
+
+"But pause for one moment," sez I, in tender, cautious axents, "and
+think of the power, the tremendious econimy of the males you are
+a-tryin' to emulate and outdo. Think of how they have dealt with the
+cause of wimmen's liberty for the past few years, and tremble. How dast
+you, one weak man, though highly versed in the ways of equinomical
+tightness--how dast you to try and set up and be anybody amid that
+host?"
+
+He looked skairt. He see what he wuz a-doin' plainer than he had seen
+it, and I went on:
+
+"Think of that big Methodist Conference in New York a few years ago that
+Casper Keeler told us about--think how equinomical they wuz with their
+dealin's with wimmen on that occasion, and ever sence.
+
+"The wimmen full of good doin's and alms deeds, who make up two thirds
+of the church, who raise the minister's salary, run the missionary and
+temperance societies, teach the Sabbath schools, etc., etc., etc.--
+
+"Who give the best of their lives and thoughts to the meetin'-house from
+the time they sell button-hole bokays at church fairs in pantalettes,
+till they hand in their widder's mite with tremblin' fingers wrinkled
+with age--think of this econimy in not givin' in, not givin' a mite of
+justice and right to the hull caboodle of such wimmen throughout the
+length and breadth of the country, and then think where would your very
+closest and tightest counsel of econimy stand by the side of this
+econimy of right, and manliness, and honor, and common sense."
+
+He quailed. His head sunk on his breast. He knew, tight as he had always
+been, there wuz a height of tightness he had never scaled. He knew he
+couldn't show off at that Equinomical Counsel by the side of them
+instances I had brung up, and to deepen the impression I had made, which
+is always the effort of the great oriter, I resoomed:
+
+"Think of how they keep up their econimy of justice, and right, and
+common sense, so afraid to use a speck of 'em, especially the common
+sense. Think of how they refused to let wimmen set down meekly in a
+humble pew, and say 'Yea' in a still small voice as a delegate, so
+'fraid that it wuz outstrippin' wimmen's proper spear--when these very
+ministers have been proud to open their very biggest meetin'-housen to
+wimmen, and let 'em teach 'em to be eloquent--let wimmen speak words of
+help and wisdom from their highest pulpits.
+
+"Think of this instance of their equinomical doin's," sez I, "and
+tremble. And," sez I, still more impressively and eloquently, "what is
+pumpkins by the side of that?"
+
+His head sunk down lower, and lower. He wuz dumbfoundered to think he
+had been outdone in his most vital parts, his most tightest ways. He
+felt truly that even if they would listen to his equinomical counsels,
+they didn't need 'em.
+
+He looked pitiful and meek, and sot demute for a couple of minutes. I
+see that I had convinced him about the Equinomical Counsel; he see that
+it wouldn't do, and he wouldn't make no more show than a underlin'.
+
+But anon, or about that time, he spoke out in pitiful axents--
+
+"Samantha, if I can't show off any at the Equinomical Counsel, I'd love
+to see them male law-makers a-settin' in the Capitol at Washington,
+D.C. I'd love to mingle with 'em, Samantha. You know, and I know, too,
+that I am one of 'em. Wuzn't I chose arbitrator in Seth Meezik's quarrel
+with his father-in-law? Hain't I sot on juries in the past, and hain't I
+liable to set?
+
+"I want to see them male law-makers, Samantha. I want to be intimate
+with 'em."
+
+I almost trembled. I can withstand my pardner's angry or excited moods,
+but here I see pleadin' and longin'; I see I had a hard job in front of
+me. I hate to dissapint him. I hate to, like a dog. But duty nerved me,
+and I sez--
+
+"Josiah, less talk it over before you decide to go. Less bring up some
+of the laws them males have made, or allow to go on.
+
+"I want to talk to you about 'em, Josiah," sez I, "before I let you
+depart to be intimate with 'em." Sez I, "Do you remember the old adage,
+a dog is known by the company he keeps? Before you go to be one of them
+dogs, Josiah Allen, and be known as one of 'em, less recall some of the
+lawful incidents of a few months back." Sez I, "We won't raise our
+skirts and wade back into history to any great depth, and hove out a
+large quantity of 'em, but will keep in the shaller water of a few short
+fleetin' months, and pick up one or two of the innumerable number of
+'em; and then, if you want to go, why--" sez I, in the tremblin' axents
+of fond affection--"why, I will pack your saddle-bags."
+
+Then I went on calmly and brung up a few laws and laid 'em down before
+him.
+
+I brung up the Indians doin's, the Mormons, the Chinese, all on 'em
+flagrant.
+
+But still he had that longin' look on his face.
+
+Then I brung up the rotten political doin's, the unjust laws prevailin'
+in regard to female wimmen, and also the onrighteousness of the liquor
+laws and the abomination of the license question; I talked powerful and
+eloquent on them awful themes, but as I paused a minute for needed
+breath, he murmured--
+
+"I want to be intimate with 'em, Samantha."
+
+And then, bein' almost at my wits' end, I dropped the general
+miscellaneous way I had used, and begun to bring up little separate
+instances of the injustices of the Law. And I see he begun to be
+impressed.
+
+How true it is that, from the Bible down to Josiah Allen's Wife, you
+have to talk in stories in order to impress the masses! You have to hold
+up the hammer of a personal incident to drive home the nail of Truth and
+have it clench and hold fast.
+
+But mine wuz some different--mine wuz facts, every one of 'em.
+
+I could have brung them to that man and laid 'em down in front of him
+from that time, almost half past ten a.m., and kep stiddy at it till ten
+p.m., and then not know that I had took any from the heap, so high and
+lofty is the stack of injustices and wrongs committed in the name of the
+Law and shielded by its mantilly.
+
+But I had only brung up two, jest two of 'em; not the most flagrant
+ones either, but the first ones that come into my mind, jest as it is
+when you go to a pile of potatoes to git some for dinner, you take the
+first ones you come to, knowin' there is fur bigger ones in the pile.
+
+But them potatoes smashed up with cream and butter are jest as
+satisfyin' as if they wuz bigger.
+
+So these little truthful incidents laid down in front of my pardner
+convinced him; so they wuz jest as good for me to use as if I had picked
+out bigger and more flagranter ones.
+
+I first brung up before him the case of the good little Christian
+school-teacher who had toiled for years at her hard work and laid up a
+little money, and finally married a sick young feller more'n half out of
+pity, for he hadn't a cent of money, and had the consumption, and took
+good care of him till he died.
+
+And wantin' to humor him, she let him make his will, though he didn't so
+much as own the sheet of paper he wrote on, or the ink or the pen.
+
+And after his death she found he had willed away their onborn child, and
+when it wuz a few months old, and her love had sent out its strong
+shoots, and wropped the little life completely round, his brother she
+had never seen come on from his distant home and took that baby right
+out of its mother's arms, and bore it off, accordin' to law.
+
+I looked curiously at him as I concluded this true tale, but he murmured
+almost mechanically--
+
+"I want to mingle with 'em, Samantha; I feel that I want to be intimate
+with 'em."
+
+But his axent wuz weak, weak as a cat, and I felt that my efforts wuz
+not bein' throwed away. So I hurriedly laid holt of another true
+incident that I thought on, and hauled it up in front of him.
+
+"Think of the case of the pretty Chinese girl of twelve years--jest the
+age of our Tirzah Ann, when you used to be a-holdin' her on your knee,
+and learnin' her the Sunday-school lesson, and both on us a-kissin' her,
+and a-brushin' back her hair from her sweet May-day face, and a-pettin'
+her, and a-holdin' her safe in our heart of hearts.
+
+"Jest think of that little girl bein' sold for a slave by her rich male
+father, and brought to San Francisco, the home of the brave and the
+free, and there put into a place which she thought wuz fur worse than
+the bottomless pit--for that she considered wuz jest clean brimstone,
+and despair, and vapory demons.
+
+"But this child, with five or six other wimmen, wuz put into a sickenin'
+den polluted with every crime, and subject to the brutal passions of a
+crowd of live, dirty human devils.
+
+"And when, half dead from her dreadful life, she ran away at the peril
+of her life, and wuz taken in by a charitable woman, and nursed back to
+life and sanity agin.
+
+"The law took that baby out of that safe refuge, and give her back into
+the hands of her brutal master--took her back, knowin' the life she
+would be compelled to lead.
+
+"Think if it wuz our Tirzah Ann, Josiah Allen!"
+
+"Dum the dum fools!" sez he, a chokin' some, and then he pulled out his
+bandanna handkerchief and busted right out a-cryin' onto it.
+
+[Illustration: "Dum 'em, I say!"]
+
+"Dum 'em, I say!" sez he, out of its red and yeller depths. "I'd love to
+skin the hull on 'em, Judge and Jury."
+
+And I sez meanin'ly, "Now, do you want to go and be intimate with them
+law-makers, Josiah Allen?"
+
+"No," sez he, a-wipin' his eyes and a-lookin' mad, "no, I don't! I want
+sunthin' to eat!"
+
+And I riz up imegatly, and got a good dinner--a extra good one. And he
+never said another word about goin' to Washington, D.C.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+There wuz sights and sights of talk in Jonesville and the adjacent and
+surroundin' world about the World's Fair bein' open on Sundays.
+
+There wuz sights and sights of fightin' back and forth about the rights
+and the wrongs of it.
+
+And there wuz some talk about the saloons bein' open too, bein' open
+week days and Sundays.
+
+But, of course, there wuzn't so much talk about that; it seemed to be
+all settled from the very first on't that the saloons wuz a-goin' to be
+open the hull of the time--that they must be.
+
+Why, it seemed to be understood that drunkards had to be made and kep
+up; murderers, and asassins, and thieves, and robbers, and law-breakers
+of every kind, and fighters, and wife-beaters, and arsons, and rapiners,
+and child-killers had to be made. That wuz neccessary, and considered so
+from the first. For if this trade wuz to stop for even one day out of
+the seven, why, where would be the crimes and casualities, the cuttin's
+up and actin's, the murders and the suicides, to fill up the Sunday
+papers with?
+
+And to keep the police courts full and a-runnin' over with business, and
+the prisons, and jails, and reformatorys full of victims, and the
+morgues full of dead bodies.
+
+No; the saloons had to be open Sundays; that wuz considered as almost a
+settled thing from the very first on't.
+
+Why, the nation must have considered it one of the neccessarys, or it
+wouldn't have gone into partnership with 'em, and took part of the pay.
+
+But there wuz a great and almost impassioned fight a-goin' on about
+havin' the World's Fair, the broad gallerys of art and beauty, bein'
+open to the public Sunday.
+
+Lots of Christian men and wimmen come right out and said, swore right up
+and down that if Christopher Columbus let folks come to his doin's on
+Sunday they wouldn't go to it at all.
+
+I spoze mebby they thought that this would skare Christopher and make
+him gin up his doin's, or ruther the ones that wuz a-representin' him to
+Chicago.
+
+They did talk fearfully skareful, and calculated to skare any man that
+hadn't went through with what Christopher had. They said that ruther
+than have the young people who would be gathered there from the four
+ends of the earth--ruther than have these innocent young creeters
+contaminated by walkin' through them rooms and lookin' at them wonders
+of nature and art, why, they had ruther not have any Fair at all.
+
+Why, I read sights and sights about it, and hearn powerful talk, and
+immense quantities of it.
+
+And one night I hearn the most masterly and convincin' arguments brung
+up on both sides--arguments calculated to make a bystander wobble first
+one way and then the other, with the strength and power of 'em.
+
+It wuz at a church social held to Miss Lums, and a number of us had got
+there early, and this subject wuz debated on before the minister got
+there.
+
+Deacon Henzy wuz the one who give utterance to the views I have
+promulgated.
+
+He said right out plain, "That no matter how keen the slight would be
+felt, he shouldn't attend to it if it wuz open Sunday." He said "that
+the country would be ruined if it took place."
+
+"Yes," sez Miss Cornelius Cork, "you are right, Deacon Henzy. I wouldn't
+have Cornelius Jr. go to Chicago if the Fair is open Sundays, not for a
+world full of gold. For," sez she, "I feel as if it would be the ruin of
+him."
+
+And then sister Arvilly Lanfear (she is always on the contrary side),
+sez she--"Why?"
+
+"Why?" sez Miss Cork. "You ask why? You a woman and a perfessor?"
+
+"Yes," sez Arvilly--"why?"
+
+Sez Miss Cork, "It would take away all his reverence for the Sabbath,
+and the God who appointed that holy day of rest. His morals would be all
+broke up, and he would be a ruined boy. I expect that he will be there
+two months--that would make eight days of worldliness and wickedness;
+and I feel that long enough before the eighth day had come his
+principles would be underminded, and his morals all tottered and broke
+down."
+
+"Why?" sez Arvilly. "There hain't any wickedness a-goin' on to the Fair
+as I know of; it is a goin' to be full and overflowin' of object lessons
+a teachin' of the greatness and the glory of the Lord of Heaven, and the
+might and power of the human intellect. Wonders of Heaven, and wonders
+of earth, and I don't see how they would be apt to ruin and break down
+anybody's morals a-contemplatin' 'em--not if they wuz sound when they
+begun.
+
+"It seems to me it would make 'em have ten times the reverence they had
+before--reverence and awe and worshipful love for the One, the great
+and loving mind that had thought out all these marvels of beauty and
+grandeur and spread 'em out for His children's happiness and
+instruction."
+
+"Oh, yes," sez Miss Cork. "On week days it is a exaltin' and upliftin'
+and dreadful religious sight; but on Sundays it is a crime to even think
+on it. Sundays should be kep pure and holy and riz up, and I wouldn't
+have Cornelius desecrate himself and the Sabbath by goin' to the Fair
+not for a world full of gold."
+
+"Where would he go Sundays while he wuz in Chicago if he didn't go
+there?" sez Arville.
+
+She is real cuttin' sometimes, Arville is, but then Miss Cork loves to
+put on Arville, and twit her of her single state, and kinder act
+high-headed and throw Cornelius in her face, and act.
+
+Sez Arville--"Where would Cornelius Jr. go if he didn't go to the Fair?"
+
+Cornelius Jr. drinks awful and is onstiddy, and Miss Cork hemmed and
+hawed, and finally said, in kind of a meachin' way--
+
+"Why, to meetin', of course."
+
+He hadn't been in a meetin'-house for two years, and we all knew it,
+and Miss Cork knew that we knew it--hence the meach.
+
+"He don't go to meetin' here to Jonesville," sez Arville.
+
+[Illustration: "He don't go to meetin' here."]
+
+It wuz real mean in her, but I spoze it wuz to pay Miss Cork off for her
+aggravatin'.
+
+And she went on, "I live right acrost the road from Fasset's saloon, and
+I see him and more'n a dozen other Jonesvillians there most every
+Sunday.
+
+"Goin' to Chicago hain't a-goin' to born a man agin, and change all
+their habits and ways to once, and I believe if Cornelius Jr. didn't go
+to the Fair he would go to worse places."
+
+"Well," sez Miss Cornelius Cork, "if he did, I wouldn't have to bear the
+sin. I feel that it is my duty to lift my voice and my strength aginst
+the Sunday openin' of the Fair, and even if the boys did go to worse
+places, my conscience would be clear; the sin wouldn't rest on my head."
+
+Sez Arville, "That is the very way I have heard wimmen talk who burned
+up their boys' cards, and checker-boards, and story-books, and drove
+their children away from home to find amusement.
+
+"They wanted the boys to set down and read the Bible and sam books year
+in and year out, but they wouldn't do it, for there wuz times when the
+young blood in 'em riz up and clamered for recreation and amusement,
+and seein' that they couldn't git it at home, under the fosterin' care
+of their father and mother, why, they looked for it elsewhere, and found
+it in low saloons and bar-rooms, amongst wicked and depraved companions.
+And then, when their boys turned out gamblers and drunkards, they would
+say that their consciences wuz clear.
+
+"But," says Arville, "that hain't the way the Lord done. He used Sundays
+and week days to tell stories to the multitude, to amuse 'em, draw 'em
+by the silken cord of fancy towards the true and the right, draw 'em
+away from the bad towards the good. And if I had ten boys--"
+
+"Which you hain't no ways likely to have," says Miss Cork; "no, indeed,
+you hain't."
+
+"No, thank Heaven! there hain't no chance on't. But if I had ten boys I
+would ruther have 'em wanderin' through them beautiful halls, full of
+the wonders of the world which the Lord made and give to His children
+for their amusement and comfort--I would ruther have 'em there than to
+have 'em help swell a congregation of country loafers in a city
+saloon--learnin' in one day more lessons in the height and depth of
+depravity than years of country livin' would teach 'em.
+
+"These places, and worse ones, legalized places of devils' pastime, will
+lure and beckon the raw youth of the country. They will flaunt their
+gaudy attractions on every side, and appeal to every sense but the sense
+of decency.
+
+"And I would feel fur safer about the hull ten of 'em, if I knew they
+wuz safe in the art galleries, full of beauty and sublimity, drawin'
+their minds and hearts insensibly and in spite of themselves upward and
+onward, or lookin' at the glory and wonders of practical and mechanical
+beauty--the beauty of use and invention.
+
+"After walkin' through a buildin' forty-five acres big, and some more of
+'em about as roomy, I should be pretty sure that they wouldn't git out
+of it in time to go any great lengths in sin that day; and they would be
+apt to be too fagged out and dead tired to foller on after Satan any
+great distance."
+
+"Well," says Miss Snyder, "I d'no but I should feel safer about my Jim
+and John to have 'em there in the Fair buildin's than runnin' loose in
+the streets of Chicago. They won't go to meetin' every Sunday, and I
+can't make 'em; and if they do go, they will go in the mornin' late, and
+git out as soon as the Amen is said.
+
+"My boys are as good as the average--full as good; but I know when they
+hain't got anything to do, and git with other boys, they will cut up and
+act."
+
+"Well," says Miss Cornelius Cork, "I know that my Cornelius will never
+disgrace himself or me by any low acts."
+
+She wuz tellin' a big story, for Cornelius Jr. had been carried home
+more'n once too drunk to walk, besides other mean acts that wuz worse;
+so we didn't say anything, but we all looked queer; and Arville kinder
+sniffed, and turned up her nose, and nudged Miss Snyder. But Miss Cork
+kep right on--she is real high-headed and conceited, Miss Cork is.
+
+And, sez she, "Much as I want to see the Fair, and much as I want
+Cornelius and Cornelius Jr. to go to it, and the rest of the country, I
+would ruther not have it take place at all than to have it open
+Sundays."
+
+"And I feel jest so," sez Miss Henzy.
+
+Then young Lihu Widrig spoke up. He is old Elihu Widrig's only son, and
+he has been off to college, and is home on a vacation.
+
+He is dretful deep learnt, has studied Greek and lots of other languages
+that are dead, and some that are most dead.
+
+He spoke up, and sez he:
+
+"What is this Sabbath, anyway?"
+
+We didn't any of us like that, and we showed we didn't by our means. We
+didn't want any of his new-fangled idees, and we looked high-headed at
+him and riz up.
+
+But he kep right on, bein' determined to have his say.
+
+"You can foller the Sabbath we keep right back, straight as a string, to
+planet worship. Before old Babylon ever riz up at all, to say nothin' of
+fallin', the dwellers in the Euphrates Valley kep a Sabbath. They spozed
+there wuz seven planets, and one day wuz give to each of them. And
+Saturday, the old Jewish Sabbath, wuz given to Saturn, cruel as ever he
+could be if the ur in his name wuz changed to e. In those days it wuz
+not forbidden to work in that day, but supposed to be unlucky.
+
+"Some as Ma regards Friday."
+
+It wuz known that Miss Widrig wouldn't begin a mite of work Fridays, not
+even hemin' a towel or settin' up a sock or mitten.
+
+And, sez he, "When we come down through history to the Hebrews, we find
+it a part of the Mosaic law, the Ten Commandments.
+
+"In the second book of the Bible we find the reason given for keeping
+the Sabbath is, the Lord rested on that day. In the fifth book we find
+the reason given is the keeping of a memorial for the deliverance out
+of Egypt.
+
+"Now this commandment only forbids working on that day; no matter what
+else you do, you are obeying the fourth commandment. According to that
+command, you could go to the World's Fair, or wherever you had a mind
+to, if you did not work.
+
+"The Puritan Sabbath wuz a very different one from that observed by
+Moses and the Prophets, which wuz mainly a day of rest."
+
+"Wall, I know," sez Miss Yerden, "that the only right way to keep the
+Sabbath is jest as we do, go to meetin' and Sunday-school, and do jest
+as we do."
+
+Sez Lihu, "Maybe the people to whom the law wuz delivered didn't
+understand its meaning so well as we do to-day, after the lapse of so
+many centuries, so well as you do, Miss Yerden."
+
+We all looked coldly at Lihu; we didn't approve of his talk. But Miss
+Yerden looked tickled, she is so blind in her own conceit, and Lihu
+spoke so polite to her, she thought he considered her word as goin'
+beyend the Bible.
+
+Then Lophemia Pegrum spoke up, and sez she--
+
+"Don't you believe in keeping the Sabbath, Lihu?"
+
+"Yes, indeed, I do," sez he, firm and decided. "I do believe in it with
+all my heart. It is a blessed break in the hard creakin' roll of the
+wheel of Labor, a needed rest--needed in every way for tired and
+worn-out brain and muscle, soul and body; but I believe in telling the
+truth," sez he.
+
+He always wuz a very truthful boy--born so, we spoze. Almost too
+truthful at times, his ma used to think. She used to have to whip him
+time and agin for bringin' out secret things before company, such as
+borrowed dishes, and runnin's of other females, and such.
+
+So we wuz obliged to listen to his remarks with a certain amount of
+respect, for we knew that he meant every word that he said, and we knew
+that he had studied deep into ancient history, no matter how much
+mistook we felt that he wuz.
+
+But Miss Yerden spoke up, and sez she--
+
+"I don't care whether it is true or not. I have always said, and always
+will say, that if any belief goes aginst the Bible, I had ruther believe
+in the Bible than in the truth any time."
+
+And more than half of us wimmen agreed with her.
+
+You see, so many reverent, and holy, and divine thoughts and memories
+clustered round that book, that we didn't love to have 'em disturbed. It
+wuz like havin' somebody take a spade and dig up the voyalets and lilies
+on the grave of the nearest and dearest, to try to prove sunthin' or
+ruther.
+
+We feel in such circumstances that we had ruther be mistook than to have
+them sweet posies disturbed and desecrated.
+
+Holy words of counsel, and reproof, and consolation delivered from the
+Most High to His saints and prophets--words that are whispered over our
+cradles, and whose truth enters our lives with our mother's milk; that
+sustains us and helps us to bear the hard toils and burdens of the day
+of life, and that go with us through the Valley and the Shadow--the only
+revelation we have of God's will to man, the written testimony of His
+love and compassion, and the only map in which we trace our titles clear
+to a heavenly inheritance.
+
+If errors and mistakes have crept in through the weaknesses of men, or
+if the pages have become blotted by the dust of time, we hated to have
+'em brung out and looked too clost into--we hated to, like a dog.
+
+So we, most all of us, had a fellow feelin' for Miss Yerden, and looked
+approvin' at her.
+
+And Lihu, seein' we looked cold at him, and bein' sensitive, and havin'
+a hard cold, he said "he guessed he would go over to the drug-store and
+git some hoarhoun candy for his cough."
+
+So he went out. And then Miss Cork spoke up, and sez she--
+
+"How it would look in the eyes of the other nations to have us a
+breakin' Sundays after keepin' 'em pure and holy for all these years."
+
+"Pure and holy!" sez Arvilly. "Why, jest look right here in the country,
+and see the way the Sabbath is desecrated. Saturday nights and Sundays
+is the very time for the devil's high jinks. More whiskey and beer and
+hard cider is consumed Saturday nights and Sundays than durin' all the
+rest of the week.
+
+"Why, right in my neighborhood a man who makes cider brandy carrys off
+hull barrels of it most every Saturday, so's to have it ready for Sunday
+consumption.
+
+"The saloons are crowded that day, and black eyes, and bruised bodies,
+and sodden intellects, and achin' hearts are more frequent Sundays than
+any other day of the week, and you know it.
+
+"And after standin' all this desecration calmly for year after year, and
+votin' to uphold it, it don't look consistent to flare up and be so
+dretful afraid of desecratin' the Sabbath by havin' a place of
+education, greater than the world has ever seen or ever will see agin,
+open on the Sabbath for the youth of the land."
+
+"But the nation," sez Miss Henzy, in a skareful voice. "This nation must
+keep up its glorious reputation before the other countries of the world.
+How will it look to 'em to have our Goverment permit such Sunday
+desecration? This is a national affair, and we should not be willin' to
+have our glorious nation do anything to lower itself in the eyes of the
+assembled and envious world."
+
+Sez Arville, "If our nation can countenance such doin's as I have spoke
+of, the man-killin' and brute-makin', all day Sundays, and not only
+permit it, but go into pardnership with it, and take part of the pay--if
+it can do this Sundays, year after year, without bein' ashamed before
+the other nations, I guess it will stand it to have the Fair open."
+
+"But," says Miss Bobbet, "even if it is better for the youth of the
+country, and I d'no but it will be, it will have a bad look to the
+other nations, as Sister Henzy sez--it will look bad."
+
+Says Arville, "That is what Miss Balcomb said about her Ned when she
+wouldn't let him play games to home; she said she didn't care so much
+about it herself, but thought the neighbors would blame her; and Ned got
+to goin' away from home for amusement, and is now a low gambler and
+loafer. I wonder whether she would ruther have kep her boy safe, or made
+the neighbors easy in their minds.
+
+[Illustration: "She wouldn't let her Ned play games at home."]
+
+"And now the neighbors talk as bad agin when they see him a-reelin' by.
+She might have known folks would talk anyway--if they can't run folks
+for doin' things they will run 'em for not doin' 'em--they'll talk every
+time."
+
+"Yes, and don't you forgit it," sez Bub Lum.
+
+But nobody minded Bub, and Miss Cork begun agin on another tact.
+
+"See the Sabbath labor it will cause, the great expenditure of strength
+and labor, to have all them stupendious buildin's open on the Sabbath.
+The onseemly and deafnin' noise and clatter of the machinery, and the
+toil of the men that it will take to run and take care of all the
+departments, and the labor of the poor men who will have to carry
+guests back and forth all day."
+
+"I d'no," sez Arville, "whether it will take so much more work or not;
+it is most of it run by water-power and electricity, and water keeps on
+a-runnin' all day Sunday as well as week days.
+
+"Your mill-dam don't stop, Miss Cork, because it is Sunday."
+
+Miss Cork's house stands right by the dam, and you can't hear yourself
+speak there hardly, so it wuz what you might expect, to have her object
+specially to noise.
+
+Miss Cork kinder tosted her head and drawed down her upper lip in a real
+contemptious way, and Arvilly went on and resoomed:
+
+"And electricity keeps on somewhere a-actin' and behavin'; it don't stop
+Sundays. I have seen worse thunder-storms Sundays, it does seem to me,
+than I ever see week days. And when old Mom Nater sets such a show
+a-goin' Sundays, you have got to tend it, whether you think it is wicked
+or not.
+
+"And as for the work of carryin' folks back and forth to it,
+meetin'-housen have to run by work--hard work, too. Preachin', and
+singin', and ringin' bells, and openin' doors, and lightin' gas, and
+usherin' folks in, and etc., etc., etc.
+
+"And horse-cars and steam-cars have to run to and frow; conductors, and
+brakemen, and firemen, and engineers, and etc., etc.
+
+"And horses have to be harnessed and worked hard, and coachmen, and
+drivers, and men and wimmen have to work hard Sundays. Yes, indeed.
+
+"Now, my sister-in-law, Jane Lanfear, works harder Sundays than any day
+out of the seven. They take a place with thirty cows on it, and she and
+Jim, bein' ambitious, do almost all the work themselves.
+
+"Every Sunday mornin' Jane gets up, and she and Jim goes out and milks
+fifteen cows apiece, and then Jim drives them off to pasture and comes
+back and harnesses up and carries the milk three miles to a cheese
+factory, and comes back and does the other out-door chores.
+
+"And Jane gets breakfast, and gets up the three little children, and
+washes 'em and dresses 'em, and feeds the little ones to the table. And
+after breakfast she does up all her work, washes her dishes and the
+immense milk-cans, sweeps, cleans lamps and stoves, makes beds, etcetry,
+and feeds the chickens, and ducks, and turkeys. And by that time
+it is nine o'clock. Then she hurries round and washes and combs the
+three children, curls the hair of the twin girls, and then gets herself
+into her best clothes, and by that time she is so beat out that she is
+ready to drop down.
+
+"But she don't; she lifts the children into the democrat, climbs her own
+weary form in after 'em, and takes the youngest one in her lap. And Jim,
+havin' by this time got through with his work and toiled into his best
+suit, they drive off, a colt follerin' 'em, and Jim havin' to get out
+more'n a dozen times to head it right, and makin' Jane wild with
+anxiety, for it is a likely colt.
+
+"Wall, they go four milds and a half to the meetin'-house--there hain't
+no Free-well Baptist nearer to 'em, and they are strong in the belief,
+and awful sot on that's bein' the only right way. So they go to
+class-meetin' first, and both talk for quite a length of time; they are
+quite gifted, and are called so. And then they set up straight through
+the sermon, and that Free-well Baptist preaches more'n a hour, hot or
+cold weather, and then they both teach a large class of children, and
+what with takin' care of the three restless children, and their own
+weariness on the start, they are both beat out before they start for
+home. And Jane has a blindin' headache.
+
+"But she must keep up, for she has got to git the three babies home
+safe, and then there is dinner to get, and the dishes to wash, and the
+housework, and the out-door work to tend to, and what with her headache,
+and her tired-out nerves and body, and the work and care of the babies,
+Jane is cross as a bear--snaps everybody up, sets a bad pattern before
+her children and Jim--and, in fact, don't get over it and hain't good
+for anything before the middle of the week.
+
+"The day of rest is the hardest day of the week for her.
+
+"But she told me last night--she come in to get my bask pattern, she is
+anxious to get her parmetty dress done for the World's Fair--but she
+said that she shouldn't go if it wuz open Sunday, for her mind wuz so
+sot on havin' the Sabbath kep strict as a day of rest.
+
+"Now I believe in goin' to meetin' as much as anybody, and always have
+been regular. But I say Jane hain't consistent." (They don't agree.)
+
+Arvilly stopped here a minute for needed breath. Good land! I should
+have thought she would; and Lophemia Pegrum spoke up--she is a dretful
+pretty girl, but very sentimental and romantic, and talks out of poetry
+books. Sez she:
+
+"Another thought: Nature works all the Sabbath day. Flowers bloom, their
+sweet perfume wafts abroad, bees gather the honey from their fragrant
+blossoms, the dews fall, the clouds sail on, the sun lights and warms
+the World, the grass grows, the grain ripens, the fruit gathers the
+sunshine in its golden and rosy globes, the birds sing, the trees
+rustle, the wind blows, the stars rise and set, the tide comes in and
+goes out, the waves wash the beach, and carries the great ships to
+their havens--in fact, Nature keeps her World's Fair open every day of
+the week just alike."
+
+"Yes," sez Miss Eben Sanders--she is always on the side of the last
+speaker--she hain't to be depended on, in argument. But she speaks quite
+well, and is a middlin' good woman, and kind-hearted. Sez she--
+
+"Look at the poor people who work hard all the week and who can't spend
+the time week days to go to this immense educational school.
+
+"Them who have to work hard and steady every working day to keep bread
+in the hands of their families, to keep starvation away from themselves
+and children--clerks, seamstresses, mechanics, milliners, typewriters,
+workers in factories, and shops, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc.
+
+"Children of toil, who bend their weary frames over their toilsome,
+oncongenial labor all the week, with the wolves of Cold and Hunger
+a-prowlin' round 'em, ready to devour them and their children if they
+stop their labor for one day out of the six--
+
+"Think what it would be for these tired-out, beauty-starved white slaves
+to have one day out of the seven to feast their eyes and their hungry
+souls on the _best_ of the World.
+
+"What an outlook it would give their work-blinded eyes! What a blessed
+change it would make in all their dull, narrow, cramped lives! While
+their hands wuz full of work, their quickened fancy would live over
+again the too brief hours they spent in communion with the World's
+best--the gathered beauty and greatness and glory of the earth. Whatever
+their toil and weariness, they _had_ lived for a few hours, their eyes
+_had_ beheld the glory of God in His works."
+
+Miss Cork yawned very deep here, and Miss Sanders blushed and stopped.
+They hain't on speakin' terms. Caused by hens.
+
+And then Miss Cork sez severely--a not noticin' Miss Sanders speech at
+all, but a-goin' back to Arvilly's--she loves to dispute with her, she
+loves to dearly--
+
+"You forgot to mention when you wuz talkin' about Sabbath work connected
+with church-goin' that it wuz to worship God, and it wuz therefore
+right--no matter how wearisome it wuz, it wuz perfectly right."
+
+"Wall, I d'no," sez Arvilly--"I d'no but what some of the beautiful
+pictures and wonderful works of Art and Nature that will be exhibited at
+the World's Fair would be as upliftin' and inspirin' to me as some of
+the sermons I hear Sundays. Specially when Brother Ridley gits to
+talkin' on the Jews, and the old Egyptians.
+
+"It stands to reason that if I could see Pharo's mummy it would bring me
+nearer to him, and them plagues and that wickedness of hisen, than
+Brother Ridley's sermon could.
+
+"And when I looked at a piece of the olive tree under which our Saviour
+sot while He wuz a-weepin' over Jeruesalem or see a wonderful picture of
+the crucifixion or the ascension, wrought by hands that the Lord Himself
+held while they wuz painted--I believe it would bring Him plainer before
+me than Brother Ridley could, specially when he is tizickey, and can't
+speak loud.
+
+"Why, our Lord Himself wuz took to do more than once by the Pharisees,
+and told He wuz breakin' the Sabbath. And He said that the Sabbath wuz
+made for man, and not man for the Sabbath.
+
+"And He said, 'Consider the Lilies'--that is, consider the Lord, and
+behold Him in the works of His hands.
+
+"Brother Ridley is good, no doubt, and it is right to go and hear him--I
+hain't disputed that--but when he tries to bring our thoughts to the
+Lord, he has to do it through his own work, his writin', which he did
+himself with a steel pen. And I d'no as it is takin' the idees of the
+Lord so much at first hand as it is to study the lesson of the Lilies He
+made, and which He loved and admired and told us to consider.
+
+"The World's Fair is full of all the beauty He made, more wonderful and
+more beautiful than the lilies, and I d'no as it is wrong to consider
+'em Sundays or week days."
+
+"But," sez Miss Yerden, "don't you know what the Bible sez--'Forget not
+the assemblin' of yourselves together'?"
+
+[Illustration: Bub Lum.]
+
+"Well," piped up Bub Lum, aged fourteen, and a perfect imp--
+
+"I guess that if the Fair is open Sundays, folks that are there won't
+complain about there not bein' folks enough assembled together. I guess
+they won't complain on't--no, indeed!"
+
+But nobody paid any attention to Bub, and Arvilly continued--
+
+"I believe in usin' some common sense right along, week days and Sundays
+too. It stands to reason that the Lord wouldn't gin us common sense if
+He didn't want us to use it.
+
+"We don't need dyin' grace while we are a livin', and so with other
+things. There will be meetin'-housen left and ministers in 1894, most
+likely, and we can attend to 'em right along as long as we live.
+
+"But this great new open Book of Revelations, full of God's power and
+grace, and the wonderful story of what He has done for us sence He
+wakened the soul of His servant, Columbus, and sent him over the
+troubled ocean to carry His name into the wilderness, and the strength
+and the might He has given to us sence as a nation--
+
+"This great object lesson, full of the sperit of prophecy and
+accomplishment, won't be here but a few short months.
+
+"And I believe if there could be another chapter added to the Bible this
+week, and we could have the Lord's will writ out concernin' it, I
+believe it would read--
+
+"'Go to that Fair. Study its wonderful lessons with awe and reverence.
+Go week days if you can, and if you can't, go Sundays. And you rich
+people, who have art galleries of your own to wander through Sundays,
+and gardens and greenhouses full of beauty and sweetness, and the
+means to seek out loveliness through the world, and who don't need the
+soul refreshment these things give--don't you by any Pharisaical law
+deprive my poor of their part in the feast I have spread for both rich
+and poor.'"
+
+Sez Miss Cork, "I wouldn't dast to talk in that way, Arville. To add or
+diminish one word of skripter is to bring an awful penalty."
+
+"I hain't a-goin' to add or diminish," says Arville. "I hain't thought
+on't. I am merely statin' what, in my opinion, would be the Lord's will
+on the subject."
+
+But right here the schoolmaster struck in. He is a very likely young
+man--smart as a whip, and does well by the school, and makes a stiddy
+practice of mindin' his own business and behavin'.
+
+He is a great favorite and quite good-lookin', and some say that he and
+Lophemia Pegrum are engaged; but it hain't known for certain.
+
+He spoke up, and sez he, "There is one great thing to think of when we
+talk on this matter. There is so much to be said on both sides of this
+subject that it is almost impossible to shut your eyes to the advantages
+and the disadvantages on both sides.
+
+"But," sez he, "if this nation closes the Fair Sundays, it will be a
+great object lesson to the youth of this nation and the world at large
+of the sanctity and regard we have for our Puritan Sabbath--
+
+"Of our determination to not have it turned into a day of amusement, as
+it is in some European countries.
+
+"It would be something like painting up the Ten Commandments and the
+Lord's Prayer in gold letters on the blue sky above, so that all who run
+may read, of the regard we have for the day of rest that God appointed.
+The regard we have for things spiritual, onseen--our conflicts and
+victories for conscience' sake--the priceless heritage for which our
+Pilgrim Fathers braved the onknown sea and wilderness, and our
+forefathers fought and bled for."
+
+"They fit for Liberty!" sez Arville. She would have the last word. "And
+this country, in the name of Religion, has whipped Quakers, and
+Baptists, and hung witches--and no knowin' what it will do agin. And I
+think," sez she, "that it would look better now both from the under and
+upper side--both on earth and in Heaven--to close them murderous and
+damnable saloons, that are drawin' men to visible and open ruin all
+round us on every side, than to take such great pains to impress onseen
+things onto strangers."
+
+She would have the last word--she wuz bound to.
+
+And the schoolmaster, bein' real polite, though he had a look as if he
+wuzn't convinced, yet he bowed kinder genteel to Arvilly, as much as to
+say, "I will not dispute any further with you." And then he got up and
+went over and sot down by Lophemia Pegrum.
+
+And I see there wuz no prospect of their different minds a-comin' any
+nearer together.
+
+And I'll be hanged if I could wonder at it. Why, I myself see things so
+plain on both sides that I would convince myself time and agin both
+ways.
+
+I would be jest as firm as a rock for hours at a time that it would be
+the only right thing to do, to shet up the Fair Sundays--shet it up jest
+as tight as it could be shet.
+
+And then agin, I would argue in my own mind, back and forth, and
+convince myself (ontirely onbeknown to me) that it would be the means of
+doin' more good to the young folks and the poor to have it open.
+
+Why, I had a fearful time, time and agin, a-arguin' and a-disputin'
+with myself, and a-carryin' metafors back and forth, and a-eppisodin',
+when nobody wuz round.
+
+And as I couldn't seem to come to any clear decision myself, a-disputin'
+with jest my own self, I didn't spoze so many different minds would
+become simultanous and agreed.
+
+So I jest branched right off and asked Miss Cork "If she had heard that
+the minister's wife had got the neuralligy."
+
+I felt that neuralligy wuz a safe subject, and one that could be agreed
+on--everybody despised it.
+
+[Illustration: Neuralligy wuz a safe subject.]
+
+And gradual the talk sort o' quieted down, and I led it gradual into
+ways of pleasantness and paths of peace.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+Christopher Columbus Allen got along splendid with his railroad
+business, and by the time the rest of us wuz ready for the World's Fair,
+he wuz.
+
+We didn't have so many preparations to make as we would in other
+circumstances, for Ury and Philury wuz goin' to move right into our
+house, and do for it jest as well as we would do for ourselves.
+
+They had done this durin' other towers that we had gone off on, and
+never had we found our confidence misplaced, or so much as a towel or a
+dish-cloth missin'.
+
+We have always done well by them while they wuz workin' for us by the
+week or on shares, and they have always jest turned right round and done
+well by us.
+
+Thomas Jefferson and Maggie went with us. Tirzah Ann and Whitfield
+wuzn't quite ready to go when we did, but they wuz a-comin' later, when
+Tirzah Ann had got all her preperations made--her own dresses done, and
+Whitfield's night-shirts embroidered, and her stockin's knit.
+
+I love Tirzah Ann. But I can't help seein' that she duz lots of things
+that hain't neccessary.
+
+Now it wuzn't neccessary for her to have eleven new dresses made a
+purpose to go to the World's Fair, and three white aprons all worked off
+round the bibs and pockets.
+
+Good land! what would she want of aprons there in that crowd? And she no
+need to had six new complete suits of under-clothes made, all trimmed
+off elaborate with tattin' and home-made edgin' before she went. And it
+wuzn't neccessary for her to knit two pairs of open-work stockin's with
+fine spool thread.
+
+I sez to her, "Tirzah Ann, why don't you buy your stockin's? You can git
+good ones for twenty cents. And," sez I, "these will take you weeks and
+weeks to knit, besides bein' expensive in thread."
+
+But she said "she couldn't find such nice ones to the store--she
+couldn't find shell-work."
+
+"Then," sez I, "I shall go without shell-work."
+
+But she said, "They wuz dretful ornamental to the foot, specially to the
+instep, and she shouldn't want to go without 'em."
+
+"But," sez I, "who is a-goin' to see your instep? You hain't a-goin'
+round in that crowd with slips on, be you?"
+
+"No," she said, "she didn't spoze she should, but she should feel better
+to know that she had on nice stockin's, if there didn't anybody see
+'em."
+
+And I thought to myself that I should ruther be upheld by my principles
+than the consciousness of shell-work stockin's. But I didn't say so
+right out. I see that she wouldn't give up the idee.
+
+And besides the stockin's, which wuz goin' to devour a fearful amount of
+time, she had got to embroider three night-shirts for Whitfield with
+fine linen floss.
+
+Then I argued with her agin. Sez I, "Good land! I don't believe that
+Christopher Columbus ever had any embroidered night-shirts." Sez I, "If
+he had waited to have them embroidered, and shell-work stockin's knit,
+we might have not been discovered to this day. But," sez I, "good,
+sensible creeter, he knew better than to do it when he had everything
+else on his hands. And," sez I, "with all your housework to do--and hot
+weather a-comin' on--I don't see how you are a-goin' to git 'em all done
+and git to the Fair."
+
+And she said, "She had ruther come late, prepared, than to go early with
+everything at loose ends."
+
+"But," sez I, "good plain sensible night-shirts and Lyle-thread
+stockin's hain't loose--they hain't so loose as them you are knittin'."
+
+But I see that I couldn't break it up, so I desisted in my efforts.
+
+Maggie, though she is only my daughter-in-law, takes after me more in a
+good many things than Tirzah Ann duz, who is my own step-daughter.
+Curious, but so it is.
+
+Now, she and I felt jest alike in this.
+
+Who--who wuz a-goin' to notice what you had on to the World's Fair; and
+providin' we wuz clean and hull, and respectable-lookin', who wuz
+a-goin' to know or care whether our stockin's wuz open work or plain
+knittin'?
+
+There, with all the wonder and glory of the hull world spread out before
+our eyes, and the hull world there a-lookin' at it, a-gazin' at strange
+people, strange customs, strange treasures and curiosities from every
+land under the sun--wonders of the earth and wonders of the sea, marvels
+of genius and invention, and marvels of grandeur and glory, of Art and
+Nature, and the hull world a-lookin' on, and a-marvellin' at 'em. And
+then to suppose that anybody would be a-lookin' out for shell-work
+stockin's, a-carin' whether they wuz clam-shell pattern, or oyster
+shell.
+
+The idee!
+
+That is the way Maggie and I felt; why, if you'll believe it, that sweet
+little creeter never took but one dress with her, besides a old wrapper
+to put on mornin's. She took a good plain black silk dress, with two
+waists to it--a thick one for cool days and a thin one for hot days--and
+some under-clothes, and some old shoes that didn't hurt her feet, and
+looked decent. And there she wuz all ready.
+
+She never bought a thing, I don't believe, not one. You wouldn't ketch
+her waitin' to embroider night-shirts for Thomas Jefferson--no, indeed!
+She felt jest as I did. What would the Christopher Columbus World's Fair
+care for the particular make of Thomas J's night-shirts? That had bigger
+things on its old mind than to stop and admire a particular posey or
+runnin' vine worked on a man's nightly bosom. Yes, indeed!
+
+But Tirzah Ann felt jest that way, and I couldn't make her over at that
+late day, even if I had time to tackle the job. She took it honest--it
+come onto her from her Pa.
+
+The preperations that man would have made if he had had his head would
+have outdone Tirzah Ann's, and that is sayin' enough, and more'n enough.
+
+And the size of the shoes that man would have sot out with if he had
+been left alone would have been a shame and a disgrace to the name of
+decency as long as the world stands.
+
+Why, his feet would have been two smokin' sacrifices laid on the altar
+of corns and bunions. Yes, indeed! But I broke it up.
+
+I sez, "Do you lay out and calculate to hobble round in that pair of
+leather vises and toe-screws," sez I, "when you have got to be on foot
+from mornin' till night, day after day? Why under the sun don't you wear
+your good old leather shoes, and feel comfortable?"
+
+And he said (true father of Tirzah Ann), "He wuz afraid it would make
+talk."
+
+[Illustration: "Leather vises and toe-screws."]
+
+Sez I, "The idee of the World's Fair, with all it has got on its mind, a
+noticin' or carin' whether you had on shoes or went barefoot! But if you
+are afraid of talk," sez I, "I guess that it would make full as much
+talk to see you a-goin' round a-groanin' and a-cryin' out loud. And that
+is what them shoes would bring you to," sez I.
+
+"Now," sez I, "you jest do them shoes right up and carry 'em back to the
+store, and if you have got to have a new pair, git some that will be
+more becomin' to a human creeter, let alone a class-leader, and a
+perfessor, and a grandfather."
+
+So at last I prevailed--he a-forebodin' to the very last that it would
+make talk to see him in such shoes. But he got a pair that wuzn't more'n
+one size too small for him, and I presumed to think they would stretch
+some. And, anyway, I laid out to put his good, roomy old gaiters in my
+own trunk, so he could have a paneky to fall back on, and to soothe.
+
+As for myself, I took my old slips, that had been my faithful companions
+for over two years, and a pair of good big roomy bootees.
+
+I never bought nothin' new for any of my feet, not even a shoe-string.
+And the only new thing that I bought, anyway, wuz a new muslin night-cap
+with a lace ruffle.
+
+I bought that, and I spoze vanity and pride wuz to the bottom of it. I
+feel my own shortcomin's, I feel 'em deep, and try to repent, every now
+and then, I do.
+
+But I did think in my own mind that in case of fire, and I knew that
+Chicago wuz a great case for burnin' itself up--I thought in case of
+fire in the night I wouldn't want to be ketched with a plain
+sheep's-head night-cap on, which, though comfortable, and my choice for
+stiddy wear, hain't beautiful.
+
+And I thought if there wuz a fire, and I wuz to be depictered in the
+newspapers as a-bein' rescued, I did feel a little pride in havin' a
+becomin' night-cap on, and not bein' engraved with a sheep's head on.
+
+Thinks'es I, the pictures in the newspapers are enough to bring on the
+cold chills onto anybody, even if took bareheaded, and what--what would
+be the horror of 'em took in a sheep's head!
+
+There it wuz, there is my own weakness sot right down in black and
+white. But, anyway, it only cost thirty-five cents, and there wuzn't
+nothin' painful about it, like Josiah's shoes, nor protracted, like
+Tirzah Ann's stockin's.
+
+Wall, Ury and Philury moved in the day before, and Josiah and I left in
+the very best of sperits and on the ten o'clock train, Maggie and Thomas
+Jefferson and Krit a-meetin' us to the depot.
+
+Maggie looked as pretty as a pink, if she didn't make no preperations.
+She had on her plain waist, black silk, and a little black velvet
+turban, and she had pinned a bunch of fresh rosies to her waist, and the
+rosies wuzn't any pinker than her pretty cheeks and lips, and the dew
+that had fell into them roses' hearts that night wuzn't any brighter
+than her sweet gray eyes.
+
+She makes a beautiful woman, Maggie Allen duz; and she ort to, to
+correspond with her husband, for my boy, Thomas Jefferson, is a young
+man of a thousand, and it is admitted that he is by all the
+Jonesvillians--nearly every villian of 'em admits it.
+
+Tirzah Ann and the babe wuz to the depot to see us off, and she said
+that she should come on jest as soon as she got through with her
+preperations.
+
+But I felt dubersome about her comin' very soon, for she took out her
+knittin' work (we had to wait quite a good while for the cars), and I
+see that she hadn't got the first one only to the instep.
+
+It is slow knittin'--shells are dretful slow anyway--and she wuz too
+proud sperited to have 'em plain clam-shell pattern, which are bigger
+and coarser; she had to have 'em oyster-shell pattern, in ridges.
+
+Wall, as I say, I felt dubersome, but I spoke up cheerful on the
+outside--
+
+"If you git your stockin's done, Tirzah Ann, you must be sure and come."
+
+And she said she would.
+
+The way she said it wuz: "One, two, three, four, yes, mother; five, six,
+seven, I will."
+
+She had to count every shell from top to toe of 'em, which made it hard
+and wearin' both for her and them she wuz conversin' with.
+
+Why, they do say--it come to me straight, too--that Whitfield got that
+wore out with them oyster-shell stockin's that he won't look at a oyster
+sence--he used to be devoted to 'em, raw or cooked; but they say that
+you can't git him to look at one sence the stockin' episode, specially
+scolloped ones.
+
+No, he sez "that he has had enough oysters for a lifetime."
+
+Poor fellow! I pity him. I know what them actions of hern is; hain't I
+suffered from the one she took 'em from?
+
+But to resoom, and continue on.
+
+Miss Gowdey come to the depot to see me off, and so did Miss Bobbet and
+the Widder Pooler.
+
+Miss Gowdey wuz a-comin' to the World's Fair as soon as she made her
+rag-carpet for her summer kitchen; she said "she wouldn't go off and
+leave her work ondone, and she hadn't got more'n half of the rags cut,
+and she hadn't colored butnut yet, nor copperas; she would not leave her
+house a-sufferin' and her rags oncut."
+
+I thought she looked sort o' reprovin' at me, for she knew that I had a
+carpet begun.
+
+But I spoke up, and sez, "Truly rags will be always here with us, and
+most likely butnut and copperas; but the World's Fair comes but once in
+a lifetime, and I believe in embracin' it now, and makin' the most of
+it." Sez I, "We can embrace rags at any time."
+
+"Wall," she said, "she couldn't take no comfort with the memory of
+things ondone a-weighin' down on her." She said "some folks wuz
+different," and she looked clost at me as she said it. "Some folks could
+go off on towers and be happy with the thought of rags oncut and warp
+oncolored, or spooled, or anything. But she wuzn't one of 'em; she could
+not, and would not, take comfort with things ondone on her mind."
+
+And I sez, "If folks don't take any comfort with the memories of things
+ondone on 'em, I guess that there wouldn't be much comfort took, for, do
+the best we can in this world, we have to leave some things ondone. We
+can't do everything."
+
+"Wall," she said, "she should, never should, go off on towers till
+everything wuz done."
+
+And agin I sez, "It is hard to git everything done, and if folks waited
+for them circumstances, I guess there wouldn't be many towers gone off
+on."
+
+But she didn't give in, nor I nuther. But jest then Miss Bobbet spoke
+up, and said, "She laid out to go to the World's Fair--she wouldn't miss
+it for anything; it wuz the oppurtunity of a lifetime for education and
+pleasure; but she wuz a-goin' to finish that borrow-and-lend bedquilt of
+hern before she started a step. And then the woodwork had got to be
+painted all over the house, and _he_ was so busy with his spring's work
+that she had got to do it herself."
+
+And I sez, "Couldn't you let those things be till you come back?"
+
+And she said, "She couldn't, for she mistrusted she would be all beat
+out, and wouldn't feel like it when she got back; paintin' wuz hard
+work, and so wuz piecin' up."
+
+And I sez, "Then you had ruther go there all tired out, had you?" sez I.
+"Seems to me I had ruther go to the World's Fair fresh and strong, and
+ready to learn and enjoy, even if I let my borrow-and-lend bedquilt go
+till another year. For," sez I, "bedquilts will be protracted fur beyend
+the time of seein' the World's Fair--and I believe in livin' up to my
+priveleges."
+
+And she said, "That she wouldn't want to put it off, for it had been
+a-layin' round for several years, and she felt that she wouldn't go
+away so fur from home, and leave it onfinished."
+
+And I see that it wouldn't do any good to argy with her. Her mind wuz
+made up.
+
+Miss Pooler said, "That she wuz a-goin' to the Fair, and a-goin' in good
+season, too. She wouldn't miss it for anything in the livin' world. But
+she had got to make a visit all round to his relations and hern before
+she went. And," sez she, a-lookin' sort o' reproachful at me,
+
+"I should have thought you would have felt like goin' round and payin'
+'em all a visit, on both of your sides, before you went," sez she. "They
+would have felt better; and I feel like doin' everything I can to please
+the relations."
+
+And I told Miss Pooler--"That I never expected to see the day that I
+hadn't plenty of relations on my side and on hisen, but I never expected
+to see another Christopher Columbus World's Fair, and I had ruther spend
+my time now with Christopher than with them on either side, spozin' they
+would keep."
+
+But Miss Pooler said, "She had always felt like doin' all in her power
+to show respect to the relations on both sides, and make 'em happy. And
+she felt that, in case of anything happenin', she would feel better to
+know she had made 'em all a last visit before it happened."
+
+"What I am afraid will happen, Miss Pooler," sez I, "is that you won't
+git to the World's Fair at all, for they are numerous on both sides, and
+widespread," sez I. "It will take sights and sights of time for you to
+go clear round."
+
+But I see that she wuz determined to have her way, and I didn't labor no
+more with her.
+
+And I might as well tell it right here, as any time--she never got to
+the World's Fair at all. For while she wuz a-payin' a last visit
+previous to her departure, she wuz took down bed-sick for three weeks.
+And the Fair bein' at that time on its last leglets, as you may say, it
+had took her so long to go the rounds--the Fair broke up before she got
+up agin.
+
+Miss Pooler felt awful about it, so they say; it wuz such a dretful
+disapintment to her that they had to watch her for some time, she wuz
+that melancholy about it, and depressted, that they didn't know what she
+would be led to do to herself.
+
+And besides her own affliction about the Fair, and the trouble she gin
+her own folks a-watchin' her for months afterwards, she got 'em mad at
+her on both sides. Seven different wimmen she kep to home, jest as they
+wuz a-startin' for the Fair, and belated 'em.
+
+Eleven of the relations on her side and on hisen hain't spoke to her
+sence. And the family where she wuz took sick on their hands talked hard
+of suin' her for damage. For they wuz real smart folks, and had been
+makin' their calculations for over three years to go to the Fair, and
+had lotted on it day and night, and through her sickness they wuz kep to
+home, and didn't go to it at all.
+
+But to resoom.
+
+Jest as I turned round from Miss Pooler, I see Miss Solomon Stebbins and
+Arvilly Lanfear come in the depot.
+
+Arvilly come to bid me good-bye, and Miss Stebbins wuz with her, and so
+she come in too.
+
+Arvilly said, "That she should be in Chicago to that World's Fair, if
+her life wuz spared." She said, "That she wouldn't miss bein' in the
+place where wimmen wuz made sunthin' of, and had sunthin' to say for
+themselves, not for ontold wealth."
+
+She said, "That she jest hankered after seein' one woman made out of
+pure silver--and then that other woman sixty-five feet tall; she said it
+would do her soul good to see men look up to her, and they have got to
+look up to her if they see her at all, for she said that it stood to
+reason that there wuzn't goin' to be men there sixty-five feet high.
+
+"And then that temple there in Chicago, dreamed out and built by a
+woman--the nicest office buildin' in the world! jest think of that--_in
+the World_. And a woman to the bottom of it, and to the top too. Why,"
+sez Arville, "I wouldn't miss the chance of seein' wimmen swing right
+out, and act as if their souls wuz their own, not for the mines of
+Golconda." Sez she, "More than a dozen wimmen have told me this week
+they wanted to go; but they wuzn't able. But I sez to 'em, I'm able to
+go, and I'm a-goin'--I am goin' afoot."
+
+"Why, Arvilly," sez I, "you hain't a-goin' to Chicago a-walkin' afoot!"
+
+[Illustration: "Why, Arvilly!"]
+
+"Yes, I be a-goin' to Chicago a-walkin' afoot, and I am goin' to start
+next Monday mornin'."
+
+"Why'ee!" sez I, "you mustn't do it; you must let me lend you some
+money."
+
+"No, mom; much obliged jest the same, but I am a-goin' to canvass my way
+there. I am goin' to sell the 'Wild, Wicked, and Warlike Deeds of Man.'
+I calculate to make money enough to get me there and ride some of the
+way, and take care of me while I am there; I may tackle some other book
+or article to sell. But I am goin' to branch out on that, and I am goin'
+to have a good time, too."
+
+[Illustration: "No, mom; much obliged jest the same."]
+
+Miss Stebbins said, "She wanted to go, and calculated to, but she wanted
+to finish that croshay lap-robe before snow fell."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "snow hain't a-goin' to fall very soon now, early in the
+Spring so."
+
+"Wall," she said, "that it wuz such tryin' work for the eyes, she
+wouldn't leave it for nothin' till she got back, for she mistrusted that
+she should feel kind o' mauger and wore out. And then," she said, "she
+had got to make a dozen fine shirts for Solomon, so's to leave him
+comfortable while she wuz gone, and the children three suits apiece all
+round."
+
+Sez I, "How long do you lay out to be gone?"
+
+"About two weeks," she said.
+
+And I told her, "That it didn't seem as if he would need so many shirts
+for so short a time."
+
+But she said, "She should feel more relieved to have 'em done."
+
+So I wouldn't say no more to break it up. For it is fur from me to want
+to diminish any female's relief.
+
+And the cars tooted jest then, so I didn't have no more time to multiply
+words with her anyway.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+We were travellin' in a car they call a parlor, though it didn't look no
+more like our parlor than ours does like a steeple on a wind-mill. But
+it wuz dretful nice and comogeous.
+
+We five occupied seats all together, and right next to us, acrost the
+aisle, wuz two men a-arguin' on the Injun question. I didn't know 'em,
+but I see that Thomas J. and Krit wuz some acquainted with 'em; they wuz
+business men.
+
+When I first begun to hear 'em talk (they talked loud--we couldn't help
+hearin' 'em), they seemed to be kinder laughin', and one of 'em said:
+
+"Yes, they denied the right of suffrage to wimmen and give it to the
+Injuns, and the next week the Injuns started off on the war-path.
+Whether they did it through independence or through triumph nobody
+knows, but it is known that they went."
+
+And I thought to myself, "Mebby they wuz mad to think that the Goverment
+denied to intelligent Christian wimmen the rights gin to savages."
+Thinks'es I, "It is enough to make a Injun mad, or anything else."
+
+[Illustration: "They denied the right of suffrage to wimmen and give
+it to the Injuns."]
+
+But I didn't speak my mind out loud, and they begun to talk earnest and
+excited about 'em, and I could see as they went on that they felt jest
+alike towards the Injuns, and wanted 'em wiped off'en the face of the
+earth; but they disagreed some as to the ways they wanted 'em wiped. One
+of 'em wanted 'em shot right down to once, and exterminated jest as you
+kill potato-bugs.
+
+The other wanted 'em drove further off and shet up tighter till they
+died out of themselves; but they wuz both agreed in bein' horrified and
+disgusted at the Injuns darin' to fight the whites.
+
+And first I knew Krit jest waded right into the talk. He waded polite,
+but he waded deep right off the first thing.
+
+And, sez he, "Before they all die I hope they will sharpen up their
+tommyhawks and march on to Washington, and have a war-dance before the
+Capitol, and take a few scalps there amongst the law-makers and the
+Injun bureau."
+
+He got kinder lost and excited by his feelin's, Krit did, or he wouldn't
+have said anything about scalpin' a bureau. Good land! he might talk
+about smashin' its draws up, but nobody ever hearn of scalpin' a bureau
+or a table.
+
+But he went on dretful smart, and, sez he, "Gentlemen, I have lived
+right out there amongst the Injuns and the rascally agents, and I know
+what I am talkin' about when I say that, instead of wonderin' about the
+Injuns risin' up aginst the whites, as they do sometimes, the wonder is
+that they don't try to kill every white man they see.
+
+"When I think of the brutality, the cheatin', the cruelty, the
+devilishness of the agents, it is a wonder to me that they let one stick
+remain on another at the agencies--that they don't burn 'em up, root
+and branch, and destroy all the lazy, cheatin', lyin' white scamps they
+can get sight of."
+
+The two men acted fairly browbeat and smut to hear Krit go on, and they
+sez--
+
+"You must be mistaken in your views; the Goverment, I am sure, tries to
+protect the Injuns and take care of 'em."
+
+"What is the Goverment doin'," sez Krit, "but goin' into partnership
+with lyin' and stealin,' when it knows just what their agents are doin',
+and still protects them in their shameful acts, and sends out troops to
+build up their strength? Maybe you have a home you love?" sez Krit,
+turnin' to the best lookin' of the men.
+
+"Yes, indeed," sez he; "my country home down on the Hudson is the same
+one we have had in the family for over two hundred years. My babies are
+to-day runnin' over the same turf that I rolled on in my boyhood, and
+their great-great-grandmothers played on in their childhood.
+
+"My babies' voices raise the same echoes from the high rock back of the
+orchard, the same blue river runs along at their feet, the sun sets
+right over the same high palisade. Why, that very golden light acrost
+the water between the two high rocks--that golden line of light seems
+to me now, almost as it did then in my childhood, the only path to
+Heaven.
+
+"Heaven and Earth would be all changed to me if I had to give up my old
+home. Why, every tree, and shrub, and rock seems like a part of my own
+beloved family, such sacred associations cluster around them of my
+childhood and manhood. And the memories of the dear ones gone seem to be
+woven into the very warp and woof of the stately old elm-trees that
+shade its velvet lawns, and the voice of the river seems full of old
+words and music, vanished tones and laughter.
+
+"No one can know, or dream, how inexpressibly dear the old home is to my
+heart. If I had to give it up," sez he, "it would be like tearin' out my
+very heart-strings, and partin' with what seems like a part of my own
+life."
+
+The man looked very earnest and sincere when he said this, and even
+agitated. He meant what he said, no doubt on't.
+
+And then Krit sez, "How would you like it if you were ordered to leave
+it at a day's notice--leave it forever--leave it so some one else, some
+one you hated, some one who had always injured you, could enjoy it--
+
+"Leave it so that you knew you could never live there again, never
+see a sun rise or a sun set over the dear old fields, and mountains, and
+river, you loved so well--
+
+"Never have the chance to stand by the graves of your fathers, and your
+children, that were a-sleepin' under the beautiful old trees that your
+grandfathers had set out--
+
+"Never see the dear old grounds they walked through, the old rooms full
+of the memories of their love, their joys, and their sorrows, and your
+loves, and hopes, and joys, and sadness?
+
+"What should you do if some one strong enough, but without a shadow of
+justice or reason, should order you out of it at once--force you to go?"
+
+"I should try to kill him," sez the man promptly, before he had time to
+think what to say.
+
+"Well," sez Krit, "that is what the Injuns try to do, and the world is
+horrified at it. Their homes are jest as dear to them as ours are to us;
+their love for their own living and dead is jest as strong. Their grief
+and sense of wrong and outrage is even stronger than the white man's
+would be, for they don't have the distractions of civilized life to take
+up their attention. They brood over their wrongs through long days and
+nights, unsolaced by daily papers and latest telegraphic news, and their
+famished, freezin' bodies addin' their terrible pangs to their soul's
+distress.
+
+"Is it any wonder that after broodin' over their wrongs through long
+days and nights, half starved, half naked, their dear old homes
+gone--shut up here in the rocky, hateful waste, that they must call
+home, and probably their wives and daughters stolen from them by these
+agents that are fat and warm, and gettin' rich on the food and clothing
+that should be theirs, and receivin' nothing but insults and threats if
+they ask for justice, and finally a bullet, if their demands for justice
+are too loud--
+
+"What wonder is it that they lift their empty hands for vengeance--that
+they leave their bare, icy huts, and warm their frozen veins with
+ghost-dances, haply practisin' them before they go to be ghosts in
+reality? What wonder that they sharpen up their ancestral tomahawk, and
+lift it against their oppressors? What wonder that the smothered fires
+do break out into sudden fiery tempests of destruction that appall the
+world?
+
+"You say you would do the same, after your generations of culture and
+Christian teaching, and so would I, and every other man. We would if we
+could destroy the destroyers who ravage and plunder our homes, deprive
+us of the earnings of a lifetime, turn us out of our inheritance, and
+make of our wives and daughters worse than slaves.
+
+"We meet every year to honor the memory of the old heroes who rebelled
+and fought for liberty--shed rivers of blood to escape from far less
+intolerable oppression and wrongs than the Injuns have endured for
+years.
+
+"And then we expect them, with no culture and no Christianity, to
+practise Christian virtues, and endure buffetings that no Christian
+would endure.
+
+"The whole Injun question is a satire on true Goverment, a lie in the
+name of liberty and equality, a shame on our civilization."
+
+"What would you do about it?" said the kinder good-lookin' man.
+
+Sez Krit, "If I called the Injuns wards, adopted children of the
+Goverment, I would try not to use them in a way that would disgrace any
+drunken old stepmother.
+
+"I would have dignity enough, if I did not stand for decency, to not
+half starve and freeze them, and lie to them, and cheat them till the
+very word 'Goverment' means to them all they can picture of meanness and
+brutality. I would either grant them independence, or a few of the
+comforts I had stolen from them.
+
+"If I drove them out of their rich lands and well-stocked
+hunting-grounds they had so long considered their own--if I drove them
+out in my cupidity and love of conquest, I would in return grant them
+enough of the fruits of their old homes to keep up life in their unhappy
+bodies.
+
+"If I made them suffer the pains of exile, I would not let them endure
+also the gnawings of starvation.
+
+"And I would not send out to 'em the Bible and whiskey packed in one
+wagon, appeals to Christian living and the sure means to overthrow it.
+
+[Illustration: "I would not send 'em Bibles and whiskey packed in
+one wagon."]
+
+"I would not send 'em religious tracts, implorin' 'em to come to
+Christ's kingdom, packed in the same hamper with kegs of brandy, which
+the Bible and the tracts teach that those that use it are cursed, and
+that no drunkard can inherit the kingdom."
+
+But, sez Krit, "The Bible they _should_ have. And after they had
+mastered its simplest teachings, they should don their war-paint and
+feathers, and go out with it in their hands as missionaries to the white
+race, to try to teach them its plainest and simplest doctrines, of
+justice, and mercy, and love."
+
+But at this very minute the cars tooted, and the two men seized their
+satchels, and after a sort of a short bow to Krit and the rest of us,
+they rushed offen the train.
+
+I believe they wuz conscience-smut, but I don't know.
+
+[Illustration: I believe they wuz conscience-smut, but I don't
+know.]
+
+When we arrove at the big depot at Chicago, the sun wuz jest a-drawin'
+up his curtains of gorgeous red, and yeller, and crimson, and wuz
+a-retirin' behind 'em to git a little needed rest.
+
+The glorious counterpane wuz kinder heaped up in billowy richness on his
+western couch, but what I took to be the undersheet--a clear long fold
+of shinin' gold color--lay straight and smooth on the bottom of the
+gorgeous bed.
+
+And the sun's face wuz just a-lookin' out above it, as if to say
+good-bye to Chicago, and trouble, and the World's Fair, and Josiah and
+me, as we sot our feet on _terry firmy_. (That is Latin that I have
+hearn Thomas J. use. Nobody need to be afraid of it; it is harmless. My
+boy wouldn't use a dangerous word.)
+
+But to resoom and go on. As I ketched the last glimpse of the old
+familier face of the sun, that I had seen so many times a-lookin'
+friendly at me through the maple trees at Jonesville, and that truly had
+seemed to be a neighbor, a-neighborin' with me, time and agin--when I
+see him so peaceful and good-natured a-goin' to his nightly rest, I
+thought to myself--
+
+Oh! how I wish I could foller his example, for it duz seem to me that
+nowhere else, unless it wuz at the tower of Babel, wuz there ever so
+much noise, and of such various and conflictin' kinds.
+
+Instinctively I ketched holt of my pardner's arm, and sez I, "Stay by
+me, Josiah Allen; if madness and ruin result from this Pandemonium, be
+with me to the last."
+
+He couldn't hear a word I said, the noise wuz that deafnin' and
+tremendious. But he read the silent, tender language of the brown cotton
+glove on his arm, and he cast a look of deep affection on me, and sez he
+in soulfull axents--
+
+"Hurry up, can't you? Wimmen are always so slow!"
+
+I responded in the same earnest, heartfelt way. And anon, or perhaps a
+little before, Thomas J. and Krit hurried us and our satchel bags into a
+big roomy carriage, and we soon found ourselves a-wendin' our way
+through the streets of the great Western city, the metropolis of the
+Settin' Sun.
+
+Street after street, mild after mild of high, towerin' buildin's did we
+pass. Some on 'em I know wuz high enough for the tower of Babel--and old
+Babel himself would have admitted it, I bet, if he had been there.
+
+And as the immense size and magnitude of the city come over me like a
+wave, I thought to myself some in Skripter and some in common readin'.
+
+When I thought that fifty years ago the grassy prairie lay stretched out
+in green repose where now wuz the hard pavements worn with the world's
+commerce; when I thought that little prairie-dogs, and mush-rats, and
+squirells wuz a-runnin' along ondisturbed where now stood high blocks
+full of a busy city's enterprise; when I thought that little pretty,
+timid birds wuz a-flyin' about where now wuz steeples and high
+chimblys--why, when I thought of all this in common readin', then the
+Skripter come in, and I sez to myself in deep, solemn axents--
+
+"Who hath brought this thing to pass?"
+
+And then anon I went to thinkin' in common readin' agin, and thinks'es
+I--
+
+A little feeble woman died a few days ago--not so very old either--who
+wuz the first child born in Chicago--and I thought--
+
+What a big, big day's work wuz done under her eye-sight! What a immense
+house-warmin' she would had to had in order to warm up all the housen
+built under her eye!
+
+Millions of folks did she see move into her neighborhood.
+
+And what a party would she had to gin to have took all her neighbors in!
+What a immense amount of nut-cakes would she have had to fry, and
+cookies!
+
+Why, countin' two nut-cakes to a person--and that is a small estimate
+for a healthy man to eat, judgin' by my own pardner--she would have had
+to fry millions of nut-cakes. And millions of cookies, if they wuz made
+after Mother's receipt handed down to me; that wouldn't have been one
+too many.
+
+And where could she spread out her dough for her cookies--why, a prairie
+wouldn't have been too big for her mouldin' board. And the biggest
+Geyser in the West, old Faithful himself, wouldn't have been too big to
+fry the cakes in, if you could fry 'em in water, which you can't.
+
+But mebby if she had gin the party, she could have used that old
+spoutin' Geyser for a teapot or a soda fountain--if she laid out to
+treat 'em to anything to drink.
+
+But good land! there is no use in talkin', if she had used a volcano to
+steep her tea over, she couldn't made enough to go round.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+Wall, after a numerous number of emotions we at last reached our
+destination and stoppin'-place. And I gin a deep sithe of relief as the
+wheel of the carriage grated on the curb-stun, in front of the boardin'
+house where my Josiah and me laid out to git our two boards.
+
+Thomas J. and Krit wanted to go to one of the big hotels. I spozed, from
+their talk, it wuz reasonable, and wuz better for their business, that
+they should be out amongst business men.
+
+But Josiah and I didn't want to go to any such place. We had our place
+all picked out, and had had for some time, ever sence we had commenced
+to git ready for the World's Fair.
+
+We had laid out to git our two boards at a good quiet place recommended
+by our own Methodist Episcopal Pasture, and a distant relation of his
+own.
+
+It wuz to Miss Ebenezer Plank'ses, who took in a few boarders, bein'
+middlin' well off, and havin' a very nice house to start with, but
+wanted to add a little to her income, so she took in a few and done well
+by 'em, so our pasture said, and so we found out. It wuz a
+splendid-lookin' house a-standin' a-frontin' a park, where anybody could
+git a glimpse of green trees and a breath of fresh air, and as much
+quiet and rest as could be found in Chicago durin' the summer of 1893,
+so I believed.
+
+Thomas J. and Maggie wuz perfectly suited with the place for us--and
+Thomas J. parleyed with Miss Plank about our room, etc.--and we wuz all
+satisfied with the result.
+
+And after Josiah and me got settled down in our room, a good-lookin'
+one, though small, the children sot off for their hotel, which wuzn't so
+very fur from ourn, nigh enough so that they could be sent for easy, if
+we wuz took down sudden, and visey versey.
+
+I found Miss Plank wuz a good-appearin' woman, and a Christian, I
+believe, with good principles, and a hair mole on her face, though she
+kep 'em curbed down, and cut off (the hairs).
+
+[Illustration: A good-appearin' woman.]
+
+Her husband had been a man of wealth, as you could see plain by the
+house that he left her a-livin' in. But some of her property she had
+lost through poor investments--and don't it beat all how wimmen do git
+cheated, and every single man she deals with a-tellin' her to confide in
+him freely, for he hain't but one idee, and that is to look out for her
+interests, to the utter neglect of his own, and a-warnin' her aginst
+every other man on earth but himself.
+
+But, to resoom. She had lost some of her property, and bein' without
+children, and kind o' lonesome, and a born housekeeper and cook, her
+idee of takin' in a few respectable and agreeable boarders wuz a good
+one.
+
+She wuz a good calculator, and the best maker of pancakes I ever see,
+fur or near. She oversees her own kitchen, and puts on her own hand and
+cooks, jest when she is a mind too. She hain't afraid of the face of man
+or woman, though she told me, and I believe it, that "her cook wuz that
+cross and fiery of temper, that she would skair any common person almost
+into coniption fits."
+
+"But," sez she, "the first teacup that she throwed at me, because I
+wanted to make some pancakes, wuz the last."
+
+I don't know what she done to her, but presoom that she held her with
+her eye. It is a firm and glitterin' one as I ever see.
+
+Anyway, she put a damper onto that cook, and turns it jest when she is
+a mind to--to the benefit of her boarders; for better vittles wuz never
+cooked than Miss Plank furnishes her boarders at moderate rates and the
+comforts of a home, as advertisements say.
+
+Her house wuz kep clean and sweet too, which wuz indeed a boon.
+
+She talked a sight about her husband, which I don't know as she could
+help--anyway, I guess she didn't try to.
+
+She told me the first oppurtunity what a good Christian he wuz, how
+devoted to her, and how much property he laid up, and that he wuz "in
+salt."
+
+I thought for quite a spell she meant brine, and dassent hardly enquire
+into the particulars, not knowin' what she had done by the departed,
+widders are so queer.
+
+But after she had mentioned to me more'n a dozen times her love for the
+departed, and his industrious and prosperous ways, and tellin' me every
+single time, "he wuz in salt," I found out that she meant that he wuz in
+the salt trade--bought and sold, I spozed.
+
+I felt better.
+
+But oh, how she did love to talk about that man; truly she used his
+sirname to connect us to the vast past, and to the mysterious future. We
+trod that Plank every day and all day, if we would listen to her.
+
+And sometimes when I would try to get her offen that Plank for a minute,
+and would bring up the World's Fair to her, and how big the housen wuz,
+I would find my efforts futile; for all she would say about 'em wuz to
+tell what Mr. Plank would have done if he had been a-livin', and if he
+had been onhampered, and out of salt, how much better he would have done
+than the directors did, and what bigger housen he would have built.
+
+And I would say, "A house that covers over most forty acres is a pretty
+big house."
+
+But she seemed to think that Mr. Plank would have built housen that
+covered a few more acres, and towered up higher, and had loftier
+cupalos.
+
+And finally I got tired of tryin' to quell her down, and I got so that I
+could let her talk and keep up a-thinkin' on other subjects all the
+time. Why, I got so I could have writ poetry, if that had been my aim,
+right under a constant loadin' and onloadin' of that Plank.
+
+Curious, hain't it?
+
+As I said, there wuz only a few boarders, most of 'em quiet folks, who
+had been there some time. Some on 'em had been there long enough to have
+children born under the ruff, who had growed up almost as big as their
+pa's and ma's. There wuz several of 'em half children there, and among
+'em wuz one of the same age who wuz old--older than I shall ever be, I
+hope and pray.
+
+He wuz gloomy and morbid, and looked on life, and us, with kinder mad
+and distrustful eyes. Above all others, he wuz mean to his twin sister;
+he looked down on her and browbeat her the worst kind, and felt older
+than she did, and acted as if she wuz a mere child compared to him,
+though he wuzn't more'n five minutes older than she wuz, if he wuz that.
+
+Their names wuz Algernon and Guenivere Piddock, but they called 'em Nony
+and Neny--which wuz, indeed, a comfort to bystanders. Folks ort to be
+careful what names they put onto their children; yes, indeed.
+
+Neny wuz a very beautiful, good-appearin' young girl, and acted as if
+she would have had good sense, and considerable of it, if she hadn't
+been afraid to say her soul wuz her own.
+
+But Nony wuz cold and haughty. He sot right by me on the north side,
+Josiah Allen sot on my south. And I fairly felt chilly on that side
+sometimes, almost goose pimples, that young man child felt so cold and
+bitter towards the world and us, and so sort o' patronizin'.
+
+[Illustration: He sot by me.]
+
+He didn't believe in religion, nor nothin'. He didn't believe in
+Christopher Columbus--right there to the doin's held for him, he didn't
+believe in him.
+
+"Why," sez I, "he discovered the land we live in."
+
+He said, "He was very doubtful whether that wuz so or not--histories
+made so many mistakes, he presoomed there never was such a man at all."
+
+"Why," sez I, "he walked the streets of Genoa."
+
+And he sez, "I never see him there."
+
+And, of course, I couldn't dispute that.
+
+And he added, "That anyway there wuz too much a-bein' done for him. He
+wuz made too much of."
+
+He didn't believe in wimmen, made a specialty of that, from Neny back to
+Rachael and Ruth. He powed at wimmen's work, at their efforts, their
+learnin', their advancement.
+
+Neny, good little bashful thing, wuz a member of the WCTU and the
+Christian Endeavor, and wanted to do jest right by them noble societies
+and the world. But, oh, how light he would speak of them noble bands of
+workers in the World's warfare with wrong! To how small a space he
+wanted to reduce 'em down!
+
+And I sez to him once, "You can't do very much towards belittlin' a
+noble army of workers as that is--millions strong."
+
+"Millions weak, you mean," sez he. "I dare presoom to say there hain't a
+woman amongst 'em but what is afraid of a mouse, and would run from a
+striped snake."
+
+Sez I, "They don't run from the serpent Evil, that is wreathin' round
+their homes and loved ones, and a-tryin' to destroy 'em--they run
+towards that serpent, and hain't afraid to grapple with it, and
+overthrow it--by the help of the Mighty," sez I.
+
+Sez he, "There is too much made of their work." Sez he, "There hain't
+near so much done as folks think; the most of it is talk, and a-praisin'
+each other up."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "men won't never be killed for that in their political
+rivalin's, they won't be condemned for praisin' each other up."
+
+"No," sez he, "men know too much."
+
+And then I spoke of that silver woman--how beautiful and noble an
+appearance she made, in the spear she ort to be in, a-representin'
+Justice.
+
+And Nony said, "She wuz too soft." Sez he, "It is with her as it is with
+all other wimmen--men have to stand in front of her with guns to keep
+her together, to keep her solid."
+
+That kinder gaulded me, for there wuz some truth in it, for I had seen
+the men and the rifles.
+
+But I sprunted up, and sez I--
+
+"They are a-guardin' her to keep men from stealin' her, that is what
+they are for. And," sez I, "it would be a good thing for lots of wimmen,
+who have got lots of silver, if it hain't in their bodies, if they had a
+guard a-walkin' round 'em with rifles to keep off maurauders."
+
+Why, there wuzn't nothin' brung up that he believed in, or that he
+didn't act morbid over.
+
+Why, I believe his Ma--good, decent-lookin' widder with false hair and a
+swelled neck, but well-to-do--wuz ashamed of him.
+
+Right acrost from me to the table sot a fur different creeter. It wuz a
+man in the prime of life, and wisdom, and culture, who _did_ believe in
+things. You could tell that by the first look in his
+face--handsome--sincere--ardent. With light brown hair, tossed kinder
+careless back from a broad white forward--deep blue, impetuous-lookin'
+eyes, but restrained by sense from goin' too fur. A silky mustache the
+same color of his hair, and both with a considerable number of white
+threads a-shinin' in 'em, jest enough so's you could tell that old Time
+hadn't forgot him as he went up and down the earth with his hour-glass
+under his arm, and his scythe over his shoulder.
+
+He had a tall, noble figger, always dressed jest right, so's you would
+never think of his clothes, but always remember him simply as bein' a
+gentleman, helpful, courteous, full of good-nature and good-natured wit
+and fun. But yet with a sort of a sad look underlyin' the fun, some as
+deep waters look under the frothy sparkle on top, as if they had secrets
+they might tell if they wuz a mind to--secrets of dark places down, fur
+down, where the sun doesn't shine; secrets of joy and happiness, and
+hope that had gone down, and wuz carried under the depths--under the
+depths that we hadn't no lines to fathom.
+
+No, if there wuz any secrets of sadness underlyin' the frank openness
+and pleasantness of them clear blue eyes, we hadn't none of us no way of
+tellin'.
+
+We hadn't no ways of peerin' down under the clear blue depths, any
+further than he wuz willin' to let us.
+
+All we knew wuz, that though he looked happy and looked good-natured,
+back of it all, a-peerin' out sometimes when you didn't look for it, wuz
+a sunthin' that looked like the shadder cast from a hoverin'
+lonesomeness, and sorrow, and regret.
+
+But he wuz a good-lookin' feller, there hain't a doubt of that, and good
+actin' and smart.
+
+He wuz a bacheldor, and we could all see plain that Miss Plank held his
+price almost above rubies.
+
+If there wuz any good bits among vittles that wuz always good, it wuz
+Miss Plank's desire that he should have them bits; if there wuz drafts
+a-comin' from any pint of the compass, it wuz Miss Plank's desire to not
+have him blowed on. If any soft zephyr's breath wuz wafted to any one of
+us from a open winder on a hot evenin' or sunny noon, he wuz the one she
+wanted wafted to, and breathed on.
+
+If her smiles fell warm on any, or all on us, he wuz the one they fell
+warmest on. But we all liked him the best that ever wuz. Even Nony
+Piddock seemed to sort of onbend a little, and moisten up with the dew
+of charity his arid desert of idees a little mite, when he wuz around.
+
+And occasionally, when the bacheldor, whose name wuz Mr. Freeman, when
+he would, half in fun and half in earnest, answer Nony's weary and
+bitter remarks, once in a while even that aged youth would seem to be
+ashamed of himself, and his own idees.
+
+There wuz another widder there--Miss Boomer; or I shouldn't call her a
+clear widder--I guess she wuz a sort of a semi-detached one--I guess she
+had parted with him.
+
+Wall, she cast warm smiles on Mr. Freeman--awful warm, almost meltin'.
+
+Miss Plank didn't like Miss Boomer.
+
+Miss Piddock didn't want to cast no looks onto nobody, nor make no
+impressions. She wuz a mourner for Old Piddock, that anybody could see
+with one eye, or hear with one ear--that is, if they could understand
+the secrets of sithes; they wuz deep ones as I ever hearn, and I have
+hearn deep ones in my time, if anybody ever did, and breathed 'em out
+myself--the land knows I have!
+
+Miss Plank loved Miss Piddock like a sister; she said that she felt
+drawed to her from the first, and the drawin's had gone on ever
+sence--growin' more stronger all the time.
+
+Wall, there wuz two elderly men, very respectable, with two wives, one
+apiece, lawful and right, and their children, and Miss Schack and her
+three children, and a Mr. Bolster, and that wuz all there wuz of us,
+includin' and takin' in my pardner and myself.
+
+Mr. Freeman wuz very rich, so Miss Plank said, and had three or four
+splendid rooms, the best--"sweet"--in the house, she said.
+
+I spoze she spoke in that way to let us know they wuz furnished
+_sweet_--that is, I spoze so.
+
+His mother had died there, and he couldn't bear to know that anybody
+else had her rooms; so he kep 'em all, and paid high for 'em, so she
+said, and wuz as much to be depended on for punctuality, and honesty, as
+the Bank of England, or the mines of Golcondy.
+
+Yes, Miss Plank said that, with all his sociable, pleasant ways with
+everybody, he wuz a millionare--made it in sugar, I believe she said--I
+know it wuz sunthin' good to eat, and sort o' sweet--it might have been
+molasses--I won't be sure.
+
+But anyway he got so awful rich by it that he could live anywhere he wuz
+a mind to--in a palace, if he took it into his head to want one.
+
+But instead of branchin' out and makin' a great show, he jest kep right
+on a-livin' in the rooms he had took so long ago for his family. But
+they had all gone and left him, his mother dead, and his two nieces gone
+with their father to California, where they wuz in a convent school.
+And he kep right on a-livin' in the old rooms.
+
+Miss Plank told me in confidence, and on the hair-cloth sofa in the
+upper hall, that it would be a big wrench if he ever left there.
+
+[Illustration: Miss Plank told me in confidence that it would be a
+big wrench if he left.]
+
+She said, "She didn't say it because he wuz a bacheldor and she a
+widder, she said it out of pure-respect."
+
+And I believed it, a good deal of the time I did; for good land! she wuz
+old enough to be his ma, and more too.
+
+But he acted dretful pretty to her, I could see that. Not findin' no
+fault, eatin' hash jest as calm as if he wuzn't engaged in a strange and
+mysterious business.
+
+For great, _great_ is the mystery of boardin'-house hash.
+
+Not a-mindin' the children's noise--indeed, a-courtin' it, as you may
+say, for he would coax the youngest and most troublesome one away from
+its tired mother sometimes, and keep it by him at the table, and wait on
+it.
+
+He thought his eyes of children, so Miss Plank said.
+
+I might have thought that he took care of the child on its mother's
+account, out of sentiment instead of pity, if Miss Schack hadn't been
+as humbly as humbly could be, and a big wart on the end of her nose, and
+a cowlick. She had three children, and they wuz awful, awful to git
+along with.
+
+Her husband "wuz on the road," she said. And we couldn't any of us
+really make out from what she said what he wuz a-doin' there, whether he
+wuz a-movin' along on it to his work, or jest a-settin' there.
+
+But anyway she talked a good deal about his "bein' on the road," and how
+much better the children behaved "before he went on it."
+
+They jest rid over her, and over us too, if we would let 'em.
+
+They wuz the awfullest children I ever laid eyes on, for them that had
+such pious and well-meanin' names.
+
+There wuz John Wesley, and Martin Luther, and little Peter Cooper
+Schack.
+
+Miss Schack wuz a well-principled woman, no doubt, and I dare say had
+high idees before they wuz jarred, and hauled down, and stomped and
+trampled on, by noise and confusion. And I dare presoom to say that she
+had named them children a-hopin' and a-expectin' some of the high and
+religious qualities of their namesakes would strike in. But to set and
+hear Martin Luther swear at John Wesley wuz a sight. And to see John
+Wesley clench his fists in Martin Luther's hair and kick him wuz enough
+to horrify any beholder. But Peter Cooper wuz the worst; to see him take
+everything away from his brothers he possibly could, and devour it
+himself, and want everything himself, and be mad if they had anything,
+and steal from 'em in the most cold-blooded way, and act--why, it wuz
+enough to make that blessed old philanthropist, Peter Cooper, turn over
+in his grave.
+
+They wuz dretful troublesome and worrisome to the rest of the boarders,
+but Mr. Freeman could quell 'em down any time--sometimes by lookin' at
+'em and smilin', and sometimes by lookin' stern, and sometimes by candy
+and oranges.
+
+I declare for't, as I told Miss Plank sometimes, I didn't know what we
+would have done durin' some hot meal times if it hadn't been for that
+blessed bacheldor.
+
+I said that right out openly to Miss Plank, and to everybody else. Bein'
+married happy, I felt free to speak my mind about bacheldors, or
+anything. Of course, bein' a widder, Miss Plank felt more hampered.
+
+And he wuz good to me in other ways, besides easin' my cares and nerves
+at the table.
+
+His rooms wuz jest acrost the hall from ourn, and my Josiah's and my
+room wuz very small; it wuz the best that Miss Plank could do, so I
+didn't complain. But it wuz very compressed and confined, and extremely
+hot.
+
+When we wuz both in there sometimes on sultry days, I felt like
+compressed meat, or as I mistrusted that would feel, sort o' canned up,
+as it were.
+
+And one warm afternoon, 'most sundown, jest as I opened my door into the
+hall, to see if I could git a breath of fresh air to recooperate me,
+Josiah a-pantin' in the rockin'-chair behind me, Mr. Freeman opened his
+door, and so there we wuz a-facin' each other.
+
+[Illustration: And so there we wuz a-facin' each other.]
+
+And bein' sort o' took by surprise, I made the observation that "I wuz
+jest about melted, and so wuz my Josiah, and my room wuz like a dry oven
+and a tin can."
+
+I wouldn't have said it if I hadn't been so sort o' flustrated, and by
+the side of myself.
+
+And he jest swung open his door into a big cool parlor, and I could see
+beyend the doors open into two or three other handsome rooms.
+
+And, sez he, "I wish, Mrs. Allen, that you and your husband would come
+in here and see if it isn't cooler." Sez he, "I feel rather lonesome,
+and would be glad to have you come in and visit for a spell."
+
+He told me afterwards that it wuz the anniversary of his mother's death.
+
+He looked sort o' sad, and as if he really wanted company. So we thanked
+him, or I did, and we walked in and sot down in some big, cool cane-seat
+easy-chairs.
+
+And we sot there and visited back and forth for quite a spell, and took
+comfort. Yes, indeed, we did. This room wuz on the cool side of the
+house, and the still side. And it wuz big and furnished beautiful. It
+wuzn't Miss Plank's taste, I could see that.
+
+No, her taste is fervent and gorgeous. Gildin' is her favorite
+embellishment, and chromos, high-colored, and red.
+
+This room wuz covered with pure white mattin', and such rugs on it
+scattered over the floor as I never see, and don't know as I ever shall
+see agin.
+
+Some on 'em was pure white silky fur, and some on 'em as rich in
+colorin' as the most wonderful sunset colors you ever see in the red and
+golden west, or in the trees of a maple forest in October.
+
+And such pictures as hung on the walls I never see.
+
+Why, on one side of the room hung a picture that looked as if you wuz
+a-gazin' right out into a green field at sunset. There wuz a deep, cool
+rivulet a-gurglin' along over the pebbles, and the green, moist
+rushes--why, you could almost hear it.
+
+And the blue sky above--why, you could almost see right up through it,
+it looked so clear and transparent. And the cattle a-comin'up through
+the bars to be milked. Why, you could almost hear the girl call, "Co,
+boss! co, boss!" as she stood by the side of the bars with her
+sun-bunnet a-hangin' back from her pretty face, and her milk-pail on her
+arm.
+
+[Illustration: "Co, boss! co, boss!"]
+
+Why, you could fairly hear the swash, swash of the water, as the old
+brindle cow plashed through its cool waves.
+
+It beat all I ever see, and Josiah felt jest as I did. The beautiful
+face of the girl looked dretful familiar to me, though I couldn't tell
+for my life who it wuz that she looked so much like.
+
+And there on every side of us wuz jest as pretty pictures as that, and
+some white marble figures, that stood up almost as big as life on their
+marble pedestals, and aginst the dark red draperies.
+
+Why, take it all in all, it was the prettiest room I had ever looked at
+in my life, and so I told Mr. Freeman.
+
+And, if you'll believe it, that man up and said right there that we wuz
+perfectly free to use that room jest as much as we wanted to.
+
+He said he had another room as large as this that he staid in most of
+his time when he was at home--his writin'-desk wuz in that room. But he
+was not here much of the time, only to sleep and to his meals.
+
+And as he said this, what should that almost angel man do but to put a
+key in my hand, so Josiah and I could come in any time, whether he wuz
+here or not.
+
+Why, I wuz fairly dumbfoundered, and so wuz Josiah. But we thanked him
+warm, very warm, warmer than the weather, and that stood more'n ninety
+in the shade.
+
+And I told him--for I see that he really meant what he said--I told him
+that the chance of comin' in there and settin' down in that cool, big
+room, once in a while, as a change from our dry oven, would be a boon.
+And I didn't know but it would be the means of savin' our two lives, for
+meltin' did seem to be our doom and our state ahead on us, time and time
+agin.
+
+And he spoke right up in his pleasant, sincere way, and said, "The more
+we used it the more it would please him."
+
+And then he opened the doors of a big bookcase--all carved off the doors
+wuz, and the top, and the beautiful head of a white marble female
+a-standin' up above it. And he sez--
+
+"Here are a good many books that are fairly lonesome waiting to be read,
+and you are more than welcome to read them."
+
+Wall, I thanked him agin, and I told him that he wuz too good to us. And
+I couldn't settle it in my own mind what made him act so. Of course, not
+knowin' at that time that I favored his mother in my looks--his mother
+he had worshipped so that he kep her room jest as she left it, and
+wouldn't have a thing changed.
+
+But I didn't know that, as I say, and I said to my Josiah, after we went
+back into our room--
+
+Sez I, "It must be that we do have a good look to us, Josiah Allen, or
+else that perfect stranger wouldn't treat us as he has."
+
+"Perfect stranger!" sez Josiah. "Why, we have neighbored with him 'most
+a week. But," sez he, "you are right about our looks--we are dum
+good-lookin', both on us. I am pretty lookin'," says he, firmly, "though
+you hain't willin' to own up to it."
+
+Sez he, "I dare presoom to say, he thought I would be a sort of a
+ornament to his rooms--kinder set 'em off. And you look respectable,"
+sez he, sort o' lookin' down on me--
+
+"Only you are too fat!" Sez he, "You'd be quite good-lookin' if it
+wuzn't for that."
+
+And then we had some words.
+
+And I sez, "It hain't none of our merits that angel looks at; it is his
+own goodness."
+
+"Wall, there hain't no use in your callin' him an angel. You never
+called me so."
+
+"No, indeed!" sez I; "I never had no occasion, not at all."
+
+And then we had some more words--not many, but jest a few. We worship
+each other, and it is known to be so, all over Jonesville, and Loontown,
+and Zoar. And I spozed by that time that Chicago wuz a-beginnin' to wake
+up to the truth of how much store we sot by each other. But the fairest
+spring day is liable to have its little spirts of rain, and they only
+make the air sweeter and more refreshin'.
+
+Wall, from that time, every now and then--not enough to abuse his
+horsepitality, but enough to let him know that we appreciated his
+goodness--when our dry oven become heated up beyend what we could seem
+to bear, we went into that cool, delightful room agin, and agin I
+feasted my eyes on the lovely pictures on the wall; most of all on that
+beautiful sunset scene down by the laughin' stream.
+
+And as hot and beat out as I might be, I would always find that pretty
+girl a-standin', cool and fresh, and dretful pretty, by the old bar
+post, with her orburn hair pushed back from her flushed cheeks, and a
+look in her deep brown eyes, and on her exquisite lips, that always put
+me dretfully in mind of somebody, and who it wuz I could not for my life
+tell.
+
+Josiah used to take a book out of the bookcase, and read. Not one glance
+did I ever give, or did I ever let Josiah Allen give to them other rooms
+that opened out of this, nor into anything or anywhere, only jest that
+bookcase. We didn't abuse our priveleges; no, indeed!
+
+And Josiah would lean back dretful well-feelin', and thinkin' in his
+heart that it wuz his good looks that wuz wanted to embellish the room,
+and I kep on a wonderin' inside of myself what made Mr. Freeman so
+oncommon good to us, till one day he told us sunthin' that made it
+plainer to us, and Josiah Allen's pride had a fall (which, if his pride
+hadn't been composed of materials more indestructible than iron or gutty
+perchy, it would have been broke to pieces long before, so many times
+and so fur had it fell).
+
+But Mr. Freeman one day showed us a picture of his mother in a little
+velvet case. And, sez he to me--
+
+"You look like her; I saw it the first time I met you."
+
+And I do declare the picture did look like me, only mebby--_mebby_ I
+say, she wuzn't quite so good-lookin'.
+
+Yes, I did look like his mother. And then I see the secret of his
+interest in, and his kindness to me and mine.
+
+And Mr. Freeman wuz raised up in my mind as many as 2 notches, and I
+don't know but 3 or 4. To think that he loved his mother's memory so
+well as to be so kind for her sake, for the sake of a fleetin' likeness,
+to be so good to another female.
+
+But Josiah Allen looked meachin'. I gin him a dretful meanin' look. I
+didn't say nothin', only jest that look, but it spoke volumes and
+volumes, and my pardner silently devoured the volumes, and, as I say,
+looked meachin' for pretty near a quarter of a hour.
+
+And that is a long time for a man to look smut, and conscience-struck.
+It hain't in 'em to be mortified for any length of time, as is well
+known by female pardners.
+
+But we kep on a-goin'. And every single time I went into that beautiful
+room, whether it wuz broad daylight or lit up by gas, every single time
+the face of that tall slender girl, a-standin' there so calm by the
+crystal brook, would look so natural to me, and so sort o' familiar,
+that I almost ketched myself sayin'--
+
+"Good-evenin', my dear," to it, which would have been perfectly
+ridiculous in me, and the very next thing to worshippin' a graven image.
+
+And what made it more mysterious to me, and more like a circus (a
+solemn, high-toned circus), wuz, to ketch ever and anon, and I guess
+oftener than that, Mr. Freeman's eyes bent on that pretty young face
+with a look as if he too recognized her, and wanted to talk to her. And
+some, too, he looked as if she wuz dead and buried, and he wuz
+a-mournin' deep for her, _very_ deep.
+
+As curious a look as I ever see; and if I hain't seen curious looks in
+my time, then I will say nobody has. Yes, indeed! I have seen curious
+looks in my journey through life, curious as a dog, and curiouser.
+
+But there she stood, no matter what looks wuz cast on her from friend or
+foe--and I guess it would sound better to say from friend or lover, for
+nobody could be a foe to that radiant-faced, beautiful creeter.
+
+There she stood, in sun or shade, knee-deep in them fresh green grasses,
+a-lookin' off onto them sunset clouds always rosy and golden, by the
+side of that streamlet that always had the sparkle on its tiny waves.
+
+I might be tired and weak as a cat, and Mr. Freeman might have the
+headache, and Josiah Allen be cross, and all fagged out--
+
+But her face wuz always serene, and lit up with the glow of joy and
+health, and her sweet, deep eyes always held the secret that she
+couldn't be made to tell.
+
+Mr. Bolster was a stout, middle-aged man, with bald head, side whiskers,
+and a double chin. And his big blue eyes kinder stood out from his face
+some. He was a real estate agent, so Miss Plank said. But his principal
+business seemed to be a-praisin' up Chicago, and a-puffin' up the
+World's Fair.
+
+Good land! Columbus didn't need none of his patronizin' and puffin' up,
+and Chicago didn't, not by his tell.
+
+Josiah wuz dretful impressed by him. We didn't lead off to the Fair
+ground the next day after our arrival. No; at my request, we took life
+easy--onpacked our trunks and got good and rested, and the mornin'
+follerin' we got up middlin' early, bein' used to keepin' good hours in
+Jonesville, and on goin' down to the breakfast-table we found that there
+wuzn't nobody there but Mr. Bolster. He always had a early breakfast,
+and drove his own horse into the city to his place of business.
+
+He looked that wide awake and active as if he never had been asleep, and
+never meant to.
+
+And my companion bein' willin', and Mr. Bolster bein' more than willin',
+they plunged to once into a conversation concernin' Chicago, Miss Plank
+and I a-listenin' to 'em some of the time, and some of the time
+a-talkin' on our own hook, as is the ways of wimmen.
+
+Mr. Bolster--and I believe he knew that we wuz from York State, and did
+it partly in a boastin' way--he begun most to once to prove that Chicago
+wuz the only place in America at all suitable to hold the World's Fair
+in.
+
+And I gin him to understand that I thought that New York would have been
+a good place for it, and it wuz a disapintment to me and to several
+other men and wimmen in the State to not have it there.
+
+But Mr. Bolster says, "Why, Chicago is the only place at all proper for
+it. Why," sez he, "in a way of politeness, Chicago is the only place for
+it. In what other city could the foreigners be welcomed by their own
+people as they can here?" Sez he--
+
+"In Chicago over 75 per cent of the population is foreign."
+
+"Yes," sez Josiah, with a air as if he had made population a study from
+his youth.
+
+But he didn't know nothin' about it, no more than I did.
+
+Sez Mr. Bolster, "Out of a population of a little over a million
+200,000, we have nine hundred and 14,000 foreigners. That shows in
+itself that Chicago is the only city calculated to make our foreign
+friends feel perfectly at home."
+
+"Yes," sez Josiah, "that is very true."
+
+But I sez to Miss Plank, "There is other folks I like jest as well as I
+do my relations, and if they had thought so much on 'em, why didn't they
+stay with 'em in the first place?"
+
+And Miss Plank kinder looked knowin' and nodded her head; she couldn't
+swing right out free, as I could, bein' hampered by not wantin' to
+offend any of her boarders.
+
+Sez Mr. Bolster, "Chicago has the most energetic and progressive people
+in the world. It hain't made up, like a Eastern village, of folks that
+stay to home and set round on butter-tubs in grocery stores, talkin'
+about hens. No, it is made up of people who dared--who wuz too
+energetic, progressive, and ambitious, to settle down and be content
+with what their fathers had. And they struck out new paths for
+themselves, as the Pilgrim Fathers did.
+
+"And it is of these people, who represent the advancin' and progressive
+thought of the day, that Chicago is made up. It embodies the best energy
+and ambition of the Eastern States and of Europe."
+
+"Yes," sez Josiah, "that is jest so."
+
+And then, sez Mr. Bolster, "Chicago is, as is well known, in the very
+centre of the earth."
+
+[Illustration: "Chicago is the very centre of the earth."]
+
+"Yes," sez Josiah.
+
+But I struck in here, and couldn't help it, and, sez I, "That is what
+Boston has always thought;" and, sez I, candidly, "That is what has
+always been thought about Jonesville."
+
+He looked pityin'ly at me, and, sez he, "Where is Jonesville?"
+
+And I sez, "Jest where I told you, in the very centre of the earth, as
+nigh as we can make out."
+
+"How old is the place?" sez Mr. Bolster.
+
+Sez I proudly, "It is more than a hundred and fifty years old, for Uncle
+Nate Bently's grandfather built the first store there, and helped build
+the first Meetin'-House; and," sez I, "Uncle Nate is over ninety."
+
+"How many inhabitants has it?" sez he briskly.
+
+And then my own feathers had to droop; and as I paused to collect my
+thoughts, Josiah spoke up--he is always so forward--and, sez he, "About
+200 and 10 or 11."
+
+But I sez, with dignity, "Perhaps I know more about some things than
+you do, Josiah. There may be, by this time, one or two more
+inhabitants."
+
+Sez Mr. Bolster, "A growth of about 200 in one hundred years! Chicago is
+about half as old, and has one million eight hundred thousand
+population. In ten years the population has increased 108 per cent, and
+property has increased in the same time 656 per cent, the greatest
+growth in the world."
+
+He regarded Jonesville as he would a fly in dog days. He went right by
+it.
+
+"As I was saying, we say nothing about Chicago but what we can prove.
+Look on the map and you will see for yourself that Chicago is right in
+the centre of the habitable portion of North America. Put your thumb
+down on Chicago, and then sweep round it in an even circle with your
+middle finger, and you will see that it takes in with that sweep all the
+settled portion of North America."
+
+"Yes," sez Josiah, with a air as if he had proved it with his thumb and
+finger, time and agin, but he hadn't no such thing.
+
+Sez Mr. Bolster, "We say nothing about our City that we can't prove. As
+Chicago is in the very centre of productive North America, so it is the
+centre of population of the United States.
+
+"It is the centre of the raw materials for manufactures, cotton, wool,
+metals, coal, gas, oil fields, all sorts of food. And as it is the
+centre of supply, so it is of distribution--60 railroads and branches
+bring freight and carry out manufactured products to every part of the
+country--to say nothing of the great number of lines of water
+transportations--connecting with all parts of the world. Why, last year
+Chicago had 50 per cent more arrivals and clearances than New York. It
+is the greatest shipping place in America. And," sez Mr. Bolster, "not
+only can we prove that Chicago is the centre of the world for
+manufactures, but it is the healthiest place to live in."
+
+And then agin I spoke out, and, sez I, "I always hearn that it was built
+on low, swampy ground."
+
+"Yes," sez Mr. Bolster cheerfully, "that is the reason why it is
+healthy. The ground was originally low and wet, and so it was elevated,
+filled in. Why, just before the great fire we lifted up all the houses,
+in the best part of the city, on jack-screws for eight feet, and filled
+the ground under them. The idea of lifting up a whole city eight feet
+and making new ground under it! There never was such an undertaking
+before since the world began.
+
+"And then the fire come, and the city was rebuilt just as we wanted it.
+Why, the death-rate of Chicago is lower than almost any city of the
+world except London--it is just about the same as that. Then," sez he,
+"our climate is perfect; it is so temperate and even that folks don't
+have to spend all their energies in keeping warm, as they do in colder
+climates, nor is it so warm that they have to spend their vital energies
+in fanning themselves."
+
+Sez Josiah, "I had ruther mow a beaver medder in dog days than to fan
+myself--it wouldn't tire me so much."
+
+Sez Mr. Bolster, "The climate is _just_ right to call forth the prudent
+saving qualities to provide for the winter; and warm enough to keep them
+happy and cheerful looking forward to bounteous harvests."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "it got burnt up, anyway."
+
+It fairly provoked me to see him look down so on all the rest of the
+world.
+
+"Yes," sez he, "that is another evidence of the city's marvellous power
+and resources. Find me another city, if you can, where in a few hours
+200 millions of dollars were burnt up, two thousand 100 acres burnt
+over, right in the heart of a big city, with a loss of two hundred and
+ninety million dollars, and then to have it spring up in a marvellously
+short time--not only as good as new, but infinitely better; so much
+better that the disaster proved to be an untold blessing to the city."
+
+Truly, as I see, swamps couldn't dround out his self-conceit, nor fire
+burn it up.
+
+And I knew myself that Chicago had great reason to be proud of her
+doin's, and I felt it in my heart, only I couldn't bear to see Mr.
+Bolster act so haughty.
+
+And I sez to my pardner, with quite a lot of dignity, "I guess it is
+time we are goin', if we get to the Fair in any season."
+
+And Mr. Bolster to once told us what way would be best for us to go. A
+good-natured creeter he is, without any doubt.
+
+But jest as we wuz startin' I happened to think of a errent that had
+been sent me by Jim Meesick, he that wuz Philura Meesick's brother.
+
+He wanted to get a place to work somewhere in Chicago, through the Fair,
+so's to pay his way, and gin him a chance to go to the Fair.
+
+I had already asked Miss Plank about it, but she didn't know of no
+openin' for him, and I happened to think, mebby Mr. Bolster, seein' he
+knew everything else, might know of a place where Jim could get work.
+
+And, sez I, "He is handy at anything, and I spoze there are lots of
+folks here in Chicago that hire help. I spoze some of 'em have as many
+as four or five hired men apiece."
+
+Sez I, "There are them in Jonesville, durin' the summer time, who employ
+as high as two men by the day, besides the regular hired man, and I
+spoze it is so here."
+
+"Yes," sez he; "Mr. Pullmen has five thousand four hundred and fifty
+hired men, and Philip Armoor has seven thousand seven hundred and
+seventy-five."
+
+Wall, there wuz no more to be said. Bolster had done what he sot out to
+do--he had lowered my pride down lower than the Queen of Sheba's ever
+wuz, by fur. I had no sperit left in me. He might have gone on to me by
+the hour, and I not sensed it.
+
+But I didn't let on how I felt. I only sez weakly, "Wall, they hain't
+a-sufferin' for help, I guess, and I'll write to Philura so."
+
+But Bolster, good-natured agin, sez, "I will look round, and see what I
+can do for him." And he snatched out a note-book, and writ his name
+down. And I thanked him, and weakly follered my companion from the
+room.
+
+And I felt that if the door had been much smaller I could have got out
+of it. I felt very diminutive--very--almost tiny. But I got over it
+pretty soon. I felt about my usial size as we descended the stairs and
+stood on the steps, ready to sally out and take the street cars that wuz
+to transport our bodys to the Christopher Columbus World's Fair.
+
+But while we wuz a-standin' there a-lookin' round to see jest which wuz
+the best way to go to get to the corner Miss Plank had directed us to,
+Mr. Bolster come down the steps spry and active as a young cat, and, sez
+he--
+
+"My carriage is waiting to take me to my orfice, and I will be glad to
+take you both in, and take you past some of our city sights, and I will
+leave you at a station where the train will take you right to the
+grounds."
+
+So we accepted his offer, Josiah with joy and I with a becomin' dignity,
+and the carriage sot off down the street.
+
+And what follers truly seems like a dream to me, and so duz the talk
+accompanyin' it. The tall buildin's we looked at, one of 'em 260 feet
+high, 20 storys--elevators that carry 40,000 passengers--and a garden on
+the roof, a garden 260 feet in the air, where you can set and talk and
+eat nut-cakes, and fried oysters--the idee!
+
+And then the block that Mr. Bolster said wuz the largest business block
+in the world, it accomidated 6000 people. And then we went by big
+meetin'-housen, and other big housen, whose ruffs seemed so high that it
+seemed as if you could stand up on the chimblys and shake hands with the
+man in the moon, and neighbor with him.
+
+And then the talk I hearn--22 miles of river frontage sweepin' up from
+the lake into the heart of the city, where the giant elevators unload
+their huge traffic. He told us what the revenue of the city wuz yearly,
+$25,000,000, 25 millions--the idee!
+
+And Jonesville, fifty years older than Chicago, thinks she has done well
+if she has 3 dollars and 25 cents in her treasury.
+
+Why, that man used so many immense sums in his talk, that I got all
+muddled up, and a ort seemed to me almost like a million--I felt queer.
+
+And then the system of Parks and Boulevards, the finest in the
+world--100 miles of them beautiful pleasure drives. I believe, from what
+I see afterwards, that he told the truth, for no city, it seems to me,
+could improve on that long, broad, beautiful way, smooth and
+tree-bordered, edged with stately homes, leadin' into the matchless
+beauty of the Parks.
+
+But anon, when I felt that I wuz bein' crushed down beneath a gigantic
+weight of figgers, and estimates, elevators, population, hite, depth,
+underground tunnels, and systems of drainage--though every one of 'em
+wuz a grand and likely subject and awful big--but I felt that I wuz
+a-bein' crushed by 'em--I felt that the Practical, the Real wuz a
+crushin' me down--the weight, and noise, and size of the mighty iron
+wheel of Progress, that duz roll faster in Chicago than in any other
+place on earth, it seems to me. But I felt so trodden down by it, and
+flattened out, that I thought I would love to see sunthin' or other
+different, sunthin' kinder spiritual, and meditate a spell on some of
+the onseen forces that underlays all human endeavor.
+
+So, at my request, we went out of our way a little, so I could set my
+eyes on that Temple dreamed out by a woman and wrought a good deal by
+faith, some like the walls of Jericho, only different, for whereas they
+fell by faith, this wuz riz up by it.
+
+And my feelin's as I looked at that Temple wuz large and noble-sized as
+you will find anywhere.
+
+A Temple consecrated not so much to the Almighty in Heaven, who don't
+need it, as to God in Humanity--to the help of the Divine as it shows
+itself half buried and lost in the clay of the human--a help to relieve
+the God powers from the trammels of the fiend--
+
+A Temple--not so much to set, and pray, and sing in, about the beauties
+of our Heavenly home, as to build up God's kingdom on earth, show forth
+His praise in helpin' His poor, and weak, and sinful.
+
+My feelin's wuz a sight--a sight to behold, as I sot and looked at
+it--that tall, noble, majestic pile, and thought of the way it wuz
+built, and what it wuz built for.
+
+But as we drove on agin, my mind got swamped once more in a sea of
+immense figgers that swashed up agin me--elevators that carry grain up
+to the top of towerin' buildin's, 10,000 bushels a hour, and then come
+down its own self and weigh itself, and I guess put itself into bags and
+tie 'em up--though he didn't speak in particuler about the tyin' up.
+
+And then he praised their stores--one of 'em which employed 2,000,400
+men. And then he praised up their teliphone system, so perfect that
+nothin' could happen in any part of the city without its bein' known to
+once at police headquarters.
+
+And then he praised up agin and agin the business qualities and
+go-ahead-it-ivness of the people, and how property had riz.
+
+"Why," sez he, "Chicago and three hundred miles around it wuz bought for
+five shillings not so long ago as your little town was founded, and now
+look at the uncounted millions it represents."
+
+And then he boasted about the Board of Trade, and said its tower wuz 300
+feet high. And, sez he, "While folks all over the world are prayin' for
+their daily bread, the men inside that building was deciding whether
+they could get it or not."
+
+And after he talked about everything else connected with Chicago, and
+hauled up figgers and heaped 'em up in front of me till my brain reeled,
+and my mind tottered back, and tried to lean onto old Rugers'
+Rithmatick--and couldn't, he wuz so totally inadequate to the
+circumstances--he mentioned "that they had 6000 saloons in Chicago, and
+made twenty-one million barrels of beer in a year."
+
+"Wall," sez I, a-turnin' round in the buggy, "my brain has been made a
+wreck by the figgers you have brung up and throwed at me about the
+noble, progressive doin's of Chicago, and," sez I firmly, "I wuz willin'
+to have it, for I respect and honor the people who could do such
+wonders, and keepon a-doin' 'em, to the admiration of the world. But,"
+sez I, "my brain _shall not_ totter under none of your beer and whiskey
+statisticks." And as I spoke I put my hand to my fore-top, and I looked
+quite bad, and truly I felt so.
+
+He glanced at me, and see that I wuz not in a situation to be trifled
+with.
+
+And as we wuz jest approachin' the station where we wuz to be left, he
+ceased his remarks, and held his horse in.
+
+He helped me to alight, and I thanked him for his kindness, and acted as
+polite as a person could whose brain lay a wreck in the upper part of
+her head. The last word Mr. Bolster said to us wuz, as he gathered up
+the reins, sez he:
+
+"Thirty-six lines of cars come to and leave Chicago, which, with its
+immense shipping facilities, makes it the--"
+
+But the cars tooted jest then, and I didn't hear his last words, and I
+wuz glad on't, as I say, I had thanked him before.
+
+But good land! he would have carried two giraffes or camels willin'ly if
+he could have got 'em into his buggy, and sot 'em up by him on the seat,
+and could have boasted to 'em understandin'ly about Chicago. But I guess
+he is well-meanin'.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+
+Wall, after he left us we boarded some cars, and found ourselves, with
+the inhabitants of several States, I should judge, borne onwards towards
+the White City.
+
+And anon, or about that time, we found ourselves at a depot, where wuz
+the entire census of several other States, and Territories.
+
+There we wuz right in front of the Gole, and I don't believe there wuz a
+better-lookin' Gole sence the world begun.
+
+The minute we left the cars we found ourselves between two lines of
+wild-lookin' and actin' men, a-tryin' to sell us things we hadn't no
+need on.
+
+What did I want with a cane? or Josiah with a little creepin' beetle?
+And what did I want with galluses?
+
+They didn't use no judgment, and their yellin's wuz fearful; whatever
+else they had, they didn't have consumption, I don't believe.
+
+After payin' our two fares, a little gate sort o' turned round and let
+us in to the Columbian World's Fair--that marvellous city of magic; and
+anon, if not a little before, the Adminstration Buildin' hove up in
+front of us.
+
+All the descriptions in the World can't give no idee of the wonderful
+proportions of the buildin's and the charm of the surroundin's. The
+minute you pass the gate you are overwhelmed with the greatness, charm,
+and nobility, the impressive, onspeakable aspect of the buildin's.
+
+The stucco, of which most of the buildin's are composed, made it
+possible for the artist and the architect to carry out their idees to a
+magnitude never before attempted. It is a material easy to be moulded
+into all rare and artistic shapes and groupin's, and still cheap enough
+to be used as free as their fancy dictated, and is as beautiful as
+marble.
+
+Colossial buildin's, beautiful enough for any Monarch, and which no
+goverment on earth wuz ever rich enough to carry out in permanent form.
+
+Wall, as I said, the Adminstration Buildin' wuz the one that hove up
+directly in front of us.
+
+[Illustration: The Adminstration Buildin' hove up directly in front
+of us.]
+
+It towers up in the circumambient air with its great gilded dome, and
+seems to begen to us all to come and pass through it into the marvels
+beyend.
+
+This buildin' is like a main spring to a watch, or the pendulum to a
+gigantick clock--it regulates the hull of the rest of the works. Here is
+the headquarters of the managers of the World's Fair--the fire and
+police departments--the press, and them that have charge of the foreign
+nations.
+
+Here is a bank, post-office, and the department of general information
+about the Fair.
+
+And never, never sence the creation of the world has old General
+Information had a better-lookin' place to stay in.
+
+Why, some folks call this high, magnificent buildin', with its great
+shinin' dome, the handsomest buildin' amongst that city of matchless
+palaces. It covers four acres, every acre bein' more magnificent than
+the other acres. Why, the Widder Albert herself gin Mr. Hunt, the
+architect, a ticket, she was so tickled with his work.
+
+The dome on top of it is the biggest dome in the world, with the
+exception of St. Peter's in Rome. And it seemed to me, as I looked up at
+the dome, that Peter might have got along with one no bigger than this.
+
+Howsumever, it hain't for me to scrimp anybody in domes. But this wuz
+truly enormious.
+
+But none too big, mebby, for the nub on top of the gate of the World's
+Fair. That needs to be mighty in size, and of pure gold, to correspond
+with what is on the inside of the gate.
+
+But never wuz there such a gorgeous gate-way before, unless it wuz the
+gate-way of Paradise.
+
+Why, as you stood inside of that dome and looked way up, up, up towards
+the top, your feelin's soared to that extent that it almost took you
+offen your feet.
+
+Noble pictures and statutes you see here, too. Some on 'em struck
+tremendious hard blows onto my appreciation, and onto my head also.
+
+And a-lookin' on 'em made me feel well, dretful well, to see how much my
+sect wuz thought on in stun, and canvas, and such.
+
+There wuz Diligence, a good-lookin' woman, workin' jest as she always
+has, and is willin' to; there she sot a-spinnin' and a-bringin' up her
+children as good as she knew how.
+
+Mebby she wuz a-teachin' a Sunday-school lesson to the boy that stood by
+her.
+
+He had his arms full of ripe fruit and grapes. I am most afraid for his
+future, but she wuz a-teachin' him the best she could; you could see
+that by her looks.
+
+Then there wuz Truth, another beautiful woman, a-holdin' a lookin'-glass
+in her hand, and a-teachin' another little boy. Mebby it wuz the young
+Future she wuz a-learnin' to tell the truth, anyway, no matter how much
+it hurt him, how hard it hit aginst old custom and prejudices. He wuz
+a-leanin' affectionate on her, but his eyes wuz a-lookin' away--fur off.
+Mebby he'll hear to her, mebby he will--he's young; but I feel kinder
+dubersome about it.
+
+She held her glass dretful high. Mebby she laid out that Uncle Sam
+should see his old features in it, and mebby she wuz a-remindin' him
+that he ortn't to carve woman as a statute of Truth, and then not be
+willin' to hear her complaints when she tries to tell him about 'em, in
+his own place, where he makes his laws, year in and year out.
+
+If he believes she is truthful--and he must, or he wouldn't name her
+Truth and set her up so high for the nations to look at--what makes him,
+year after year, act towards wimmen as if he believed she wuz a-lyin'?
+It is onreasonable in him.
+
+And then there wuz Abundance, a woman and a man. I guess they had an
+abundance of everything for their comfort, and it looked real good to
+see they wuz both a-sharin' it.
+
+She wuz a-settin' in a chair, and he wuz on the floor. That might do for
+a Monument, or Statute, but I don't believe they would foller it up so
+for day after day in real life, and they hadn't ort to. Men and wimmen
+ort to have the same settin' accommodations, and standin' too, and ort
+to be treated one of 'em jest as well as the other. They are both likely
+creeters, a good deal of the time.
+
+Then there wuz Tradition. Them wuz two old men, as wuz nateral--wimmen
+wuzn't in that--woman is in the future and the present. Them two men,
+a-lookin' considerable war-like, wuz a-talkin' over the past--the deeds
+of Might.
+
+They didn't need wimmen so much there, and I didn't feel as if I cared a
+cent to have her there.
+
+When they git to talkin' over the deeds of _Right_, I'd want wimmen to
+be present. _And she will be there._
+
+And then there wuz Liberty, agin a woman, beautiful and serene,
+a-depicterin' Liberty, and agin a-holdin' her arms round a young male
+child, and a-teachin' him.
+
+That, too, filled me with high hope, that Uncle Sam had at last
+discovered the mean actions that wuz a-goin' on about wimmen; that he
+had seen the chains that wuz a-bindin' her, and a-gaulin' her.
+
+He wouldn't be likely to depicter her as Liberty, and set her up so high
+in the gate-way to the World's Fair, if he calculated to keep her on in
+the slavery she is now, a-bindin' her with her own heart-strings--takin'
+away her power to help her own heart's dearest, in their fights aginst
+the evils and temptations of the World.
+
+No, I believe Uncle Sam is a-goin' to turn over a new leaf--anyway,
+Liberty sot up there, a-lookin' off with a calm mean, and there wuz a
+smile on her face, as if she see a light in the future that begened to
+her.
+
+And then, there wuz Charity; of course she wuz a woman--she always is.
+
+She had two little boys by her; one had his hand on her heart, and that
+faithful heart wuz filled with love and pity for him, jest as it always
+has been, and always will be. Another wuz a-kneelin' at her feet, with
+her fosterin' hand on his head. A good-lookin' creeter Charity wuz, and
+well behaved.
+
+Joy seemed to be enjoyin' herself first rate. Her pretty face seemed to
+answer back the music that the youth at her feet wuz a-rousin' from his
+magic flute.
+
+Theology wuz a wise, reverend-lookin' old man, a-thinkin' up a sermon,
+or a-thinkin' out some new system of religion, I dare presoom to say,
+for his book seemed to be half closed, and he wuz lost in deep thought.
+
+He looked first rate--a good and well-behaved old man, I hain't a doubt
+on't.
+
+Then, there wuz Patriotism--a man and a woman. He, a-standin' up ready
+to face danger, or die for his country; she, with her arms round him,
+a-lookin' up into his face, as if to say--
+
+"If you must go, I will stay to home with a breakin' heart, and take
+care of the children, and do the barn chores."
+
+They both looked real good and noble. Mr. Bitters done first
+rate--Josiah couldn't have begun to done so well, nor I nuther.
+
+Then there wuz a dretful impressive statute there, a grand-lookin' old
+man, with his hand uplifted, a-tellin' sunthin' to a young child, who
+wuz a-listenin' eagerly.
+
+I d'no who the old man wuz; there wuz broad white wings a-risin' up all
+round him, and it might be he wuz meant to depicter the Recordin'
+Angel; if he wuz, he could have got quills enough out of them wings to
+do all his writin' with.
+
+And it might be that it wuz Wisdom instructin' youth.
+
+And it might be some enterprisin' old goose-raiser a-tellin' his oldest
+boy the best way to save the white wings of ganders.
+
+But I don't believe this wuz so. There wuz a riz up, noble look on the
+old man's face that wuz never ketched, I don't believe, with wrestlin'
+with geese on a farm, and neighbors all round him.
+
+No, I guess it wuz the gray and wise old World a-instructin' the young
+Republic what to do and what not to do.
+
+The child looked dretful impetuous and eager, and ready to start off any
+minute, a good deal as our country does, and I presoom wherever the
+child wuz a-startin' for it will git there.
+
+A noble statute. Mr. Bitters did first rate.
+
+But when I git started on pictures and statutes--I don't know where or
+when to stop.
+
+But time hastens, and to resoom.
+
+As I reluctantly tore myself away from the glory and grandeur inside,
+and passed through the buildin' to the outside, and a full view of the
+Court of Honor busted on to our bewildered vision, I did--I actually
+did feel weak as a cat.
+
+Never agin--never agin will such a seen glow and grow before mine eyes,
+till the streets of the New Jerusalem open before my vision.
+
+Beyend that wide Plaza, that long basin of clear sparklin' water, dotted
+all over its glowin' bosom with fairy-like gondolas, and gondolers,
+dressed in all the colors of the rainbow, or picturesque launches, with
+their gay freight of happy sightseers. And here and there, jest where
+they wuz needed, to look the best, wuz statutes and banners and the most
+gorgeous fountain that ever dripped water.
+
+Then the broad flights of snowy marble steps risin' from the water to
+the green flowery terraces, and then above them the magnificent white
+wonders of the different buildin's.
+
+And standin' up aginst the sky, and the blue waters of the lake, the
+tall ivory columns of the Perestyle stood, like a immense beautiful
+screen, to guard this White City of magic splendor.
+
+And risin' from the blue waters of the Basin stands the grand figure of
+the Republic, towerin' up a hundred feet high, lookin' jest as she ort
+to look. Calm, stately, but knowin' in her heart jest what she had done,
+and jest what she hadn't done, knowin' jest what she had to be proud
+on, if she only let her mind run on't.
+
+But there wuz no high-headedness, no tostin' of her neck. No, fair and
+stately and serene as a dream Queen, she stood a fittin' centre for the
+onspeakable beauty of her surroundin's.
+
+It wuz all perfect, everything--no flaw in the perfect harmony of the
+seen. No limit to its onapproachable beauty. Yes, the glory of that seen
+as it bust onto my raptured vision will go with me through life, and
+won't never be outdone and replaced by anything more perfect, till that
+rapt hour when the mortal puts on immortality, and the glory that no eye
+hath seen busts on my glorified vision.
+
+And as we wended onwards and got still further views of the matchless
+wonders of the Columbus World's Fair--wall, I gin in, and felt and said,
+that I spozed I had had emotions all my life, and sights of 'em; why, I
+have had 'em as high as from 70 to 80 a minute right along for a hour on
+a stretch--sometimes when I have been rousted up about sunthin'.
+
+But when I stood stun still in my tracts, and the full glory and beauty
+of that seen of wonder and enchantment broke onto my almost enraptured
+vision, I gin up that I never had had a emotion in my hull life, not
+one, nothin' but plain, common breathin's and sithes.
+
+When I see these snowy palaces, vast and beautiful and dreamlike, risin'
+up from the blue waters, and their pure white columns and statuary
+reflected into the mirrow below, and the green beauty of the Wooded
+Island, and the tall trees a-dottin' them here and there--
+
+And when I see the lagoon a-windin' along, and arched over with bridges,
+like the best of the beauty of Venice born agin, perfect and fresh in
+the heart of the New World--
+
+When I beheld the immense quantity of shrubs and flowers of every kind
+known to the world--
+
+And all along the blue waters of the Grand Basin, surrounded by the
+magnificence and glory of these beautiful palaces--the fountains
+a-sprayin' up, and waters a-flashin', and banners a-flyin', and the tall
+white statutes a-standin' on every side of us a-watchin' us with their
+still eyes, to see how we took in the transcendent seen, and how we
+appeared under the display--wall, I stood, as I say, stun still in my
+tracts, and sez to myself--
+
+"It would be jest as easy to comprehend the wonder of this Exposition by
+readin' about it, as it would be for any one to try to judge Niagara by
+lookin' at a pan of dishwater."
+
+They are both water, but different, fur different.
+
+And you have got to take in the wonder and majesty of the sight, through
+the pores as it wuz, through all your soul, not at first, but it has got
+to grow and soak in, and make it a part of yourself.
+
+And then, when you have, you hain't a-goin' to describe it--words can't
+do it; you can walk through it and talk about the size of the buildin's,
+and the wonders of the display, but that hain't a-goin' to describe it,
+no more than the pan of dishwater can explain Niagara.
+
+You can converse about Niagara, the depth, the eddies, the swirl of the
+waters, the horseshoe falls, the rainbow that rises over it, the grotto,
+the slate-stun on the banks below, and so forth, and so forth, and so
+on.
+
+And how to show off the might and rush of the volume of water that
+shakes the earth, the mountain of shinin' mist that floats up to the
+wonderin' and admirin' heavens--how to paint this wonderful and
+inexpressible glory by tongue, how to put in words that which is
+mightier than any words that wuz ever said or sung! Wonder and awe,
+overwhelmin' sensation that makes the pulse stop and then beat agin in
+bounds.
+
+When you paint a picture showin' the full power and depth of a mother's
+love; when you can paint the ardor and extacy that inspires the hero's
+soul as he leads the forlorn hope, and dies with his face to the foe--
+
+Then you may try to describe Niagara; no pen, no tongue can describe
+this ever rushin', ever old and ever new Wonder of the new world.
+
+And no more can any pen describe the World's Fair, the tall, towerin'
+fruit of the four-century tree of civilization, and liberty, and equal
+rights.
+
+You can talk about the buildin's--how they are made, how long and wide
+they are. You can talk about the lagoons, the Grand Basin, the Bridges,
+the Statutes, the Fountains, the wonders of the flowers and foliage, the
+grandeur of the display, and so forth, and so forth, and so forth.
+
+But how to describe this as a hull, its immensity, its concentrated
+might of material, practical beauty and use, that moves the world with
+its volume and power--
+
+Or the more wonderful forces and influences that arise from it, like a
+gold mist seekin' the Heavens, to fall in showers of blessin's to the
+uttermost ends of the earth--knowledge, wisdom, and beauty, of Freedom,
+and Individual Liberty, Educational, Moral, and Beneficent
+influences--who is a-goin' to describe all this?
+
+I can't, nor Josiah, nor Miss Plank, nor nobody. No, Mr. Bolster
+couldn't.
+
+Why, jest a-lookin' at it cracked the Old Liberty Bell, and I don't
+wonder. I spoze she tried to swing out and describe it, and bust her old
+sides in the attempt; anyway, that is what some think. The new crack is
+there, anyway. Who'd a thought on't--a bell that has stood so many
+different sights, and kep herself together? But I wuzn't surprised a
+mite to think it wuz too much for her--no, nobody could describe it.
+
+[Illustration: She bust her old sides in the attempt.]
+
+I know Miss Plank couldn't, for we met her there, or ruther she come
+onto us, as I stood stun still and nearly lost, and by the side of
+myself, and I felt so queer that I couldn't hardly speak to her. I don't
+know but she thought I felt big and haughty, but good land! how mistook
+she wuz if she thought so! I felt as small as I stood there that very
+minute, as one drop of milk in the hull milky way.
+
+But when my senses got kinder collected together, and my emotions got
+quelled down a little, I passed the usual compliments with Miss
+Plank--"How de do?" and so forth.
+
+And she proposed that we should go round a little together--she said
+that she had been here so many times, that she felt she could offer
+herself as our "Sissy Roney."
+
+She looked at Josiah as she spoke kinder kokettish, and I thought to
+myself, You are a-actin' pretty kittenish for a woman of your age.
+
+"Sissy!" Sez I to myself, the time for you to be called "sissy"
+rightfully lays fur back in the past--as much as fifty years back,
+anyway. As for the "Roney," I didn't know what she _did_ mean, but
+spozed it wuz some sort of a pet name that had been gin her fur away in
+that distant past.
+
+And I spozed she had brung it up to kinder attract Josiah Allen; but,
+good land! if his morals hadn't been like iron for solidity, I knew that
+for her to try to flirt wuz like a old hen to try to bite; they don't
+have no teeth, hens don't, even when they are young, and they won't be
+likely to have any when they are fifty or sixty years old. So I looked
+on with composure, and didn't take no notice of her flirtacious ways,
+and I consented to her propisition, and Josiah did too. That man hadn't
+been riz up by his emotions as I had, by the majesty and glory of the
+scene--no, he felt pretty chipper; and Miss Plank, after she quieted
+down a little, and ceased talkin' about her girlish days, she could
+think, even in that rapt hour, of pancakes; for she mentioned, when I
+spoke of how high the waters of the fountain riz up, "Yes," sez she--
+
+"Speakin' of risin', I left some pancakes a-risin' before I left home;"
+and she wondered if the cook would tend to 'em.
+
+Pancakes! in such a time as this.
+
+And then Josiah proposed to go and see the live stock, and Miss Plank
+said dreamily that she would like to go to a certain restaurant at the
+fur end of the grounds to see the cookin' of a certain chef; she had
+heard it went ahead of anything in America.
+
+"Chef"--I didn't want to act green, but I did wonder what "chef" wuz. I
+thought mebby it wuz chaff she meant, and I spozed they had got up some
+new way to cook chaff.
+
+I would liked to seen it and tasted of it, but Duty begened to me, and I
+followed her blindly, and I sez, as I planted my umbrell firm down on
+the ground, sez I--
+
+"Here I take my stand; I don't often stand out and try to have my way--"
+
+Here Josiah gin a deep groan out to one side, but he no need to--I spoke
+truth, or pretty near the truth, anyway.
+
+Sez I, "Here I take my stand!" and I brung down my good cotton umbrell
+agin firmly, as if to punctuate my remarks, and add weight to it, and I
+wuz so earnest that before I knew it I fell into a fervid
+eloquence--catched from my old revolutionary 4 fathers, I spoze--and,
+sez I--
+
+"I care not what course others may take--"
+
+"But," sez Miss Plank, "we will hang together in such a crowd as this."
+
+"Yes," sez Josiah; "you mustn't go wanderin' off by yourself, Samantha;
+it hain't safe."
+
+I wuz brung down some, but I kep on with considerable eloquence, though
+it wuz kinder drizzlin' away onbeknown to me, such is the power of
+environment.
+
+Sez I, "I care not what course others may take, I will go first to the
+place my proud heart has dwelt on ever sence the Fair wuz opened--
+
+"I will go first to the Woman's Buildin', home of my sect, and my proud
+ambition and love."
+
+Miss Plank demurred, and said "that it wuz some distance off;" but I
+held firm--Josiah see that I wuz firm--and he finally gin in quite
+graciously, and, sez he--
+
+"I don't spoze it will take long, anyway, to see all that wimmen has
+brung here--and I spoze the buildin' will be a sight--all trimmed off
+with ornaments, and flowers, and tattin'; mebby they will have lace all
+festooned on the outside."
+
+Sez he, "I always did want to see a house trimmed with bobinet lace on
+the outside, and tattin' and ribbin streamers."
+
+I wouldn't dain a reply; he did it to lower my emotions about wimmen.
+
+But it wuz impossible. So we turned our bodies round and set off north
+by northwest.
+
+Agin Miss Plank mentioned the distance, and agin my Josiah spoke
+longin'ly of the live stock.
+
+And I sez with a calm dignity, "Josiah, you are not a woman."
+
+"No," sez he, "dum it all, I know I hain't, and so there hain't much
+chance of my gettin' my way."
+
+I kep on calmly, and with the same lofty mean, "You are not a woman, and
+therefore you can't tell a woman's desires that go with me, to see the
+glorification of her own sect, in their great and lofty work, and the
+high thrones on which they have sot themselves in the year of our Lord,
+1893; I am sot," sez I, "I am sot as ever the statute of America is on
+her marble pedestal, jest so solid am I riz up on the firm and solid
+foundation of my love, and admiration, and appreciation for my own
+sect."
+
+And so, as I say, we turned round in our tracts and went back round that
+noble Adminstration Buildin'--
+
+Josiah a-talkin' anon or oftener about what he expected to see in the
+Woman's Buildin', every one on 'em light and triflin' things, such as
+gauzes, and artificial flowers, and cossets, and high-heel shoes, and
+placks, and tattin', and etc.
+
+And I anon a-answerin' his sneerin' words, and the onspoken but fatigued
+appeals in Miss Plank's eyes, by sayin'--
+
+"Do you suppose I would hurt the feelin's of my sect, do you suppose I
+would mortify 'em before the assembled nations of the earth, by
+slightin' 'em, by not payin' attention to 'em, and makin' 'em the first
+and prime object of my distinguished and honorable consideration?
+
+"No, indeed; no, indeed!"
+
+So we went on at a pretty good jog, and a-meetin' every single person in
+the hull earth, every man, woman, and child, black and white, bond and
+free, lame and lazy, or it did seem so to my wearied and bewildered
+apprehenshion.
+
+And I sez to myself mekanicly, what if conflagrations should break out
+in Asia, or the chimbly get afire in Australia, or a earthquake take
+place in Africa, or a calf get into the waterin' trough at Jonesville,
+who would git it out or put 'em out?
+
+Everybody in the hull livin' world is here; the earth has dreaned off
+all its livin' inhabitants down into this place; some of the time I
+thought mebby one or two would be left in Jonesville, and Loontown, and
+the hind side of Asia, and Hindoostan; but as I wended on and see the
+immense crowd, a-passin' out of one buildin' and a-passin' in to
+another, and a-swarmin' over the road and a-coverin' the face of the
+water, I sez to myself--
+
+"No, there hain't a soul left in Hindoostan, or Jonesville, not one; nor
+Loontown, nor Shackville, nor Africa, nor Zoar."
+
+It wuz a curious time, very, but anon, after we had wended on for some
+distance, and Miss Plank looked some wilted, and Josiah's steps dragged,
+and my own frame felt the twinges of rheumatiz--
+
+Miss Plank spoke up, and sez she, "If you are bound on going to the
+Woman's Building first, why not take a boat and go around there, and
+that will give you a good view of the buildings."
+
+I assented to her propisition with alacrity, and wondered that I hadn't
+thought of it before, and Josiah acted almost too tickled.
+
+That man loves to save his steps; and then, as I soon see, he had
+another idee in his head.
+
+Sez he, "I always wanted to be a mariner--I will hire a boat and be your
+boatman."
+
+"Not with me for a passenger, Josiah Allen," sez I. "I want to live
+through the day, anyway; I want to live to see the full glory of my
+sect; I don't want to be drownded jest in front of the gole."
+
+He looked mad--mad as a hen; but he see firmness in my mean, so we went
+back, and down a flight of steps to the water's edge, and he signalled a
+craft that drew up and laid off aginst us--a kinder queer-shaped one,
+with a canopy top, and gorgeous dressed boatmen--and we embarked and
+floated off on the clear waters of the Grand Basin. Oh! what a seen that
+would have been for a historical painter, if Mr. Michael Angelo had been
+present with a brush and some paint!
+
+Josiah Allen's Wife a-settin' off for the express purpose of seein' and
+admirin' the work of her own sect, and right in front of her the grand
+figger of Woman a-standin' up a hundred feet high; but no higher above
+the ordinary size of her sect wuz she a-standin' than the works of the
+wimmen I wuz a-settin' out to see towered up above the past level of
+womankind. Oh, what a hour that wuz for the world! and what a seen that
+wuz for Josiah Allen's Wife to be a-passin' through, watched by the
+majestic figger of Woman.
+
+The green, tree-dotted terraces bloomin' with flowers a-risin' up from
+the blue water, and above the verdent terraces the tall white walls of
+them gorgeous palaces, a-risin' up with colonades, and statutes, and
+arabesques, and domes, and pinnacles, and on the smooth white path that
+lay in front of 'em, and on every side of 'em, the hull world a-walkin'
+and a-admirin' the seen jest as much as we did. And if there wuzn't
+everything else to look at and admire, the looks of that crowd wuz
+enough--full enough--for one pair of eyes; for they wuz from every
+country of the globe, and dressed in every fashion from Eve, and her men
+folks, down to the fashions of to-day.
+
+And anon we would come to a bridge gracefully arched over the water, and
+float under it, and then sail on, and on, and on, past the vast palace
+45 acres big, and every single acre of 'em majestic and beautiful more
+than tongue can tell or give any idee on, and then by some more of them
+matchless marvels of housen crowned with pinnacles, and domes, and
+wavin' banners, and then by the electrical buildin', with white towers,
+and battlements, and sculptured loveliness, on one side of us, and, on
+the other, that beautiful Wooded Island, that is a hantin' dream of
+beauty inside of a dream of matchless loveliness.
+
+Acres and acres of flowers of every kind and color; the perfume floated
+out and wrapped us round like a sweet onseen mantilly, as we floated
+past fur dim isles of green trees, with domes and minarets a-risin' up
+above the billows of emerald richness, and then anon, under another
+bridge, and more of them enchantin' wonders of Art, and on, under
+another one, and another.
+
+And my emotions all of the time wuz what no man might number, and as for
+the size of 'em, there hain't no use of talkin' about sortin' 'em out,
+or weighin' 'em--no steel yards on earth could weigh the little end on
+'em, let alone weighin' the hull caboodle of 'em.
+
+No Rasfodist that ever rasfodized could do justice to the transcendent
+grandeur that shone out on every side of us.
+
+No, the rasfodist would have to set down and hold up his hands before
+him, as I have done sometimes before a big pile of work, when I have
+seen a wagon load of visitors a-stoppin' at the gate to stay all day.
+
+I have just clasped my hands and sez, "Oh dear me!"
+
+Or in aggravated cases I would say, mebby,
+
+"Oh dear me suz!"
+
+And that wuz about all I could say here.
+
+Yes, my feelin's, I do believe, if they could have been gazed on, would
+have been jest about as a impressive a sight to witness as the Columbian
+Fair.
+
+But anon my rapt musin's wuz broke into sudden; I heard as through a
+dream a voice say--
+
+"If she forgets to take the dough off from the dry oven, the pancakes
+will run over."
+
+"_Pancakes!_"
+
+It wuz like Peri in Paradise callin' for root-beer; it brung me down to
+the world agin, and anon I heard my pardner say--
+
+"Wall, I wish I had a few of 'em this minute, Miss Plank."
+
+Eatin' at such a time as this--the idee!
+
+But I wuz brung clear down, and I don't know but it wuz jest as well,
+for it wuz time for us to alight from our bark.
+
+And with the feelin's I had ever sence I started, I wuz that riz up that
+I could almost expect to step over the lagoon at one stride and swing my
+foot clear over the hull noble flight of marble steps, and the wide
+terrace, and land in front of the Woman's Buildin'. With my head even
+with its highest cupalo, I wuz fearfully riz up, and by the side of
+myself.
+
+But these allusions to pancakes had brung me down, so I stepped meekly
+out on to the broad, noble flight of steps, and the full beauty of the
+Woman's Buildin' riz up in front of us.
+
+Even Josiah wuz impressed with the simple, noble perfection of that
+buildin'. I heard him say--
+
+"By Crackey! not a bit of lace or tattin'; not a streamer of ribbin.
+Well done for wimmen; they have riz up for once above gauzes, and
+flummeries, and ornaments."
+
+"No," sez I; "if you want to look at ornament, you might look at the
+Adminstration Buildin', designed by a man. Men love ornament, Josiah
+Allen."
+
+He quailed; he hadn't forgot the pink necktie he wanted to adorn
+himself with, and the breastpin he wanted to put on that mornin'.
+
+The waters of the lagoon in front of the buildin' is as wide as a bay;
+from the centre of this rises the grand landin' and staircase, leadin'
+to a terrace six feet above the water.
+
+The first terrace is laid out in glowin' flower-beds, and anon, green
+flowerin' shrubs, above which the ivory white balustrade shines out,
+separatin' it from the upper terrace.
+
+And along the upper terrace, about one hundred feet back, the beautiful
+Woman's Buildin' rises, with a background of stately old oak trees.
+
+This most artistic and beautiful buildin' consists of a centre pavilion,
+flanked at each end by corner pavilions, connected by open corridors
+forming a sheltered and beautiful walk the hull length of the structure.
+On goin' through a wide lobby you come into a vast open rotunda reachin'
+clear up to the top of the buildin', where the sunlight falls down most
+graciously through a richly ornamented skylight. This rotunda is
+surmounted by a two-story open arcade, as delicate and refined in its
+beauty as the outside of the buildin', givin' light and air in abundance
+to all of the rooms openin' into the interior space. On the first floor,
+on the right hand, is located a model kindergarten; on the left, a
+model horsepital. You see, these two things are attended to the first
+thing by wimmen.
+
+Wimmen have always had to take time by the forelock and do the most
+important things first, or she never would be done with her work.
+
+Before she tackled the ironin', or dishwashin', or piecin' up bedquilts,
+or knittin', she has always had to dress, and nurse, and take care of
+the children, make them comfortable, and take care of the sick; had to,
+or it wouldn't be done.
+
+And she wuzn't goin' to stop her good, tender, motherly doin's here--not
+at all. No; the children, the future hope of our country, the Lord's
+work laid onto mothers, is on the _right_ side.
+
+Here are shown the very latest and best helps in takin' care and
+trainin' up these little immortals, teachin' them to be good first, and
+then wise, and healthy all the time--the most important work in the hull
+world, in my estimation; for the children we spank to-day will hold the
+destinies of the human race in their hands to-morrow.
+
+Yes, on the right hand the children; on the left hand is a model
+horsepital, not merely a exhibit, but a real horsepital, at full work in
+its blessed and sanctified labor, a-takin' care of the sick and
+smoothin' the brows racked with agony, alleviatin' the distresses of the
+frame racked with pain.
+
+What another good work! Can a man show anything at their hull Columbus
+World's Fair--anything that will equal these two blessed labors?
+
+No; he can show lots of knowledge and wisdom, and he can show guns, and
+cannons, and pistols, boey-knives, to cut and slash; but it is woman's
+work (blessed angel that she is, a good deal of the time), it is them
+that shows this broad, efficient system of relieving the hurts and
+distresses of the world. Besides the most skilled of our own country,
+foreign nations send their best-trained nurses from their trainin'
+schools, showin' the latest and most perfect methods of relievin' pain
+and agony.
+
+And not contented with showin' off here what they could do, and how they
+do it--not content with makin' this one big room a perfect nest for
+female good Samaritans--a carin' for the sick and dyin'--
+
+They have soared out of this room--60 by 80 feet couldn't confine
+'em--they have located all over the grounds horsepitals to care for them
+who are took sick here at Columbuses doin's, and, good creeters, I
+suppose they will have their hands full, specially in dog days.
+
+Yes, woman begun her work jest as she ort to, right on the ground
+floor--on the right, the children; on the left, the sick and helpless.
+
+Right opposite the main front is the library, furnished by the wimmen of
+New York. It is one of the largest and finest rooms in the house, and
+every book in it writ by a woman.
+
+And right here I see my own books; there they wuz a-standin' up jest as
+noble and pert as if they wuz to home in the what-not behind the parlor
+door, not a-feelin' the least mite put out before princes, or zars.
+A-standin' jest as straight in front of a king as a cow-boy, not
+a-humpin' themselves up in the latter instance, or a-meachin' in the
+more former one.
+
+I felt proud on 'em to see their onbroken dignity and simplicity of
+mean. And, thinkses I, the demeanor of them books is a lesson to
+Republics--how to act before Royalties; not a-backin' up and a-actin',
+not put out a mite, not forward, and not too backward--jest about megum.
+
+A-keepin' right on in their own spear, jest as usial, not intrudin'
+themselves and a-pushin', but ready to greet 'em and give 'em the best
+there wuz in 'em, if occasion called for it, and then ready to bid 'em a
+calm, well-meanin' farewell when the time come to part.
+
+It wuz a great surprise to me, and how they got there wuz a mystery. But
+I spoze the nation collected 'em together and sot 'em up there because
+it sets such a store by me. It is dretful fond of me, the nation is, and
+well it may be. I have stood up for it time and agin, and then I've done
+a sight for it in the way of advisin' and bracin' it up.
+
+As I stood and looked at them books I got carried a good ways off
+a-ridin' on Wonder--a-wonderin' whether them books had done any good in
+the world.
+
+I'd wanted 'em to, I'd wanted 'em to like a dog. Sometimes I'd felt real
+riz up a-thinkin' they had, and then agin I've felt dubersome.
+
+But I knew they had gin great enjoyment, I'd hearn on't. Why, the
+minister up to Zoar had told me of as many as seven relations of hisen,
+who, when they wuz run down and weak, and had kinder lost their minds,
+had jest clung to them books.
+
+In softenin' of the brain now, or bein' kicked on the head, or nateral
+brain weakness--why, them books are invaluable, so I spoze.
+
+But to resoom. The corner pavilion, like all the rest of the buildin',
+have each a open colonade above the main cornice. Here are the hangin'
+gardens, and also the committee rooms of the lady managers.
+
+This palace of beauty wuz designed by a woman--woman has got to have the
+credit for everything about it.
+
+A woman designed the hull buildin'; a woman modelled the figgers that
+support the ruff; a woman won fairly in competition the right to
+decorate the cornice. The interior decoration, much of it carved work,
+is done by wimmen; panels wuz carved by wimmen all over the country and
+brought here to decorate the walls.
+
+And not only decorated, but in a good many rooms the woodwork wuz
+finished by wimmen. California has a room walled and ceiled with redwood
+by wimmen.
+
+And wimmen of all the States, from Maine and Florida, have joined to
+make the place beautiful. Even the Indian wimmen made richly embroidered
+hangin's for the doors and windows.
+
+The wimmen managers wuz the first wimmen that wuz ever officially
+commissioned by Congress, and never have wimmen swung out so, or, to be
+poetical, never have they cut so wide and broad a swath on the seedy old
+fields of Time, as they do to this Fair. They can exhibit with the best
+of the contestants, men or wimmen, and by act of Congress represent
+their own sect on the Jury of Award.
+
+Congress did the fair thing by wimmen in this matter. Let him step up
+one step higher on the hill of justice, and gin 'em the right to set on
+the jury of award or punishment when their own honor is at the stake.
+
+It has let wimmen tell which is the best piece of woosted work, or
+tattin'; now let her be judged by her peers when life or death is the
+award meted out to 'em. But to resoom.
+
+The Gallery of Honor is the centre hall of the buildin', and runs almost
+the entire length, and openin' out of it is the display that shows that
+wimmen wuz really the first inventors and producers of what wuz useful
+as well as beautiful, and that men took up the work when money could be
+made from it.
+
+Here is the work of the first and rudest people, but all made by female
+wimmen--the rough, hard buds of beauty and labor; and in the Central
+hall, like these buds open in full bloom and beauty, is the fruit of the
+most advanced thought and genius.
+
+The interior glows with soft and harmonious colors, and chaste
+ornamentation.
+
+Mrs. Candace Wheeler, of New York, had charge of the decoration, which
+is sayin' enough for its beauty, if you didn't say anything else, and
+Illinois and the rest of the world wuz grand helpers in the work of
+beauty.
+
+The Gallery of Honor, the central hall of the buildin', runs almost the
+entire length. The noble, harmonious beauty of this room strikes you as
+you first enter, some as it would if you come up sudden out of the
+woods, a-facin' a gorgeous sunset--or sunrisin', I guess, would be a
+suitabler metafor.
+
+The colorin' of this room is ivory and gold, in delicate and beautiful
+designs. But the pictures that cover the walls adds the bright tints
+neccessary to make the hull picture perfect.
+
+The beautiful panels on the side walls are the work of American artists.
+One, on the west side, by Amanda Brewster Sewall, represents an Algerian
+pastural seen, showing country maids tendin' their flocks; which proves
+that Algerian girls are first-rate lookin', and that dumb brutes in
+Algeria, though it is so fur from Jonesville, have got to be tended to,
+and that wimmen have got to tend to 'em a good deal of the time.
+
+The other paintin', on the same side, is the work of Miss Fairchild, of
+Boston, and it shows our old Puritan 4 Mothers hard to work, a-takin'
+care of their housen and doin' up the work. Likely old creeters they
+wuz, and industrius.
+
+Opposite, on the east side, is a panel by Mrs. Lydia Emmet
+Sherwood--another group of wimmen; good-lookin' wimmen they be, all on
+'em. And the other panel, by Miss Lydia Emmet, shows the interior of a
+studio, with young females a-studyin' different arts that are useful and
+ornamental, and calculated to help themselves and the world along. At
+the north end of this great gallery is a large panel by Mrs. MacMonnies,
+wife of the sculptor, representin' Primitive Wimmen. A-showin', plain as
+nobody less gifted than she could, jest how primitive wimmen used to be.
+
+Opposite, on the south side, is a companion piece by Miss Cassette, of
+Paris, called Modern Wimmen, and a-showin' up first rate how fur wimmen
+have emerged from the shadders of the past.
+
+The centre panel depicters a orchard covered with bright green grass,
+and graceful female wimmen a-gatherin' apples offen the tree.
+
+Apples of knowledge, I spoze, but different from Eve's--fur different;
+these wuz peaceful Knowledge, Literature, Art, and all beautiful and
+useful industries.
+
+A smaller panel describes Music and Dancin' in a charmin' way.
+
+On the other side of the central panel are several maidens pursuin' a
+flyin' figger.
+
+Mebby it wuz the Ideal. If it wuz, I wuz glad to see them young females
+a-follerin' it up so clost. But girls will be more apt to catch her,
+when they leave off cossets, and long trains, and high-heeled shoes
+(metafor). But these seemed to be a-doin' the best they could, anyway.
+
+A border in rich colors went all round the picture, and in the corners
+wuz medallions all full of sweet babies--perfect cherubs of loveliness.
+
+In some things the picture mebby could have been bettered a
+little--mebby the ladder wuzn't quite stiddy enough--mebby I should
+ruther have not clumb up it. But the colorin' of the picture is superb.
+So rich and gorgus that it put me in mind of our own Jonesville woods in
+September, when you look off into the maple forests, and your eyes would
+fairly be dazzled with the blaze of the colors, if they wuzn't so soft
+and rich, and blended into each other so perfect.
+
+Yes, Miss Cassette done real well, and so did Mrs. MacMonnies, too.
+
+And all round this room hung pictures that filled me with delight, and
+the proudest kind of pride, to think my own sect had done 'em all--had
+branched out into such noble and beautiful branchin's, for the statutes
+wuz jest as impressive as the pictures. There wuz one statute in the
+centre of the main corridor that I liked especially.
+
+It wuz Maud Muller. As I looked on Maud, I thought I could say with the
+Judge, when he first had a idee of payin' attention to her--
+
+"A sweeter face I ne'er have seen." And I thought, too, I could read in
+Maud's face a sort of a sad look, as if the shadder Pride, and Fate,
+held above her, wuz sort o' shadin' her now. Miss Blanche Nevins done
+first rate, and I'd loved to told her so.
+
+And then there wuz a statute of Elaine that rousted up about every
+emotion I had by me.
+
+There she wuz, "Elaine the fair," the lovable, the lily maid of Astolot.
+
+I always thought a sight of her, and I've shed many a tear over her
+ontimely lot. I knew she thought more of Mr. Lancelot than she'd ort to,
+specially he bein' in love with a married woman at the same time.
+
+Her face looked noble, and yet sweet, riz up jest as it must have been
+when she argued with her pa about the man she loved.
+
+"Never yet was noble man, but made ignoble talk;
+  He makes no friends who never made a foe."
+
+And down under the majesty of her mean wuz the tenderness and pathos of
+her own little song; for, as Alfred Tennyson said, and said well,
+"Sweetly could she make, and sing."
+
+"Sweet is true love, though given in vain, in vain;
+ And sweet is Death, who puts an end to pain.
+ I know not which is sweeter--no, not I."
+
+There wuzn't hardly a dry eye in my head as I stood a-lookin' at Elaine.
+
+And jest at this wropped moment I heard some voices nigh me that I
+recognized a-sayin' in glad and joyous axents, "How do you do, Josiah
+Allen's Wife?"
+
+I turned and met seven glad extended hands, and thirteen eyes lookin' at
+mine, in joyous welcome, besides one glass eye (and you couldn't tell
+the difference, it wuz so nateral--Oren bought the best one money could
+git when his nigh eye wuz put out by a steer gorin' it). Yes, it wuz
+Oren Rumble and Lateza, his wife, and the hull of the family--the five
+girls, Barthena, Calfurna, Dalphina, Albiny, and Lateza.
+
+But what a change had swep' over the family sence I had last looked on
+'em!
+
+I could hardly believe my two eyes when I looked at their costooms, for
+the hull family had dressed in black for upwards of 'leven years, and
+Jonesvillians had got jest as ust to seein' 'em as they wuz a-seein' a
+flock of crows in the spring.
+
+And I do declare it wuz jest as surprisin' to me to see the way they wuz
+rigged out as it would be to see a lot of crows a-settlin' down on our
+cornfield with red and yeller tail feathers.
+
+To home they didn't go nowhere, only to meetin'--the mother bein' very
+genteel, comin' down as she did from a very old and genteel family.
+Dretful blue blood I spoze her folks had--blue as indigo, I spoze. And
+she didn't think it wuz proper to go into society in mournin'
+clothes--she thought it would make talk for mourners to git out and
+enjoy themselves any in crape.
+
+Oren wuz naterally of a lively disposition, and loved to visit round,
+and it made it bad for him. But he felt quite proud of marryin' such a
+aristocratic woman, and so he had to take the bitter with the sweet.
+
+Besides their bein' so old, she had come from a mournin' family--her
+folks always mourned for everybody and everything they could. (You know
+some families are so, and I spoze they git some comfort out of it. And
+black duz look real respectable, but considerable gloomy.)
+
+Their house wuz always shet up, and Oren walked round (rebellin' inside)
+under a mournin' weed.
+
+And the six wimmen was all swathed in crape, and the hull house smelt of
+crape and logwood.
+
+As I sez more formally, Lateza was brung up to it. She wuz ready to
+mourn on the slightest pretext, and mourn jest as long and stiddy as
+possible.
+
+Wall, black _wuz_ becomin' to her. Bein' tall and spindlin', black sot
+her off, and crape draperies sort o' rounded off her figger and made her
+look some impressive.
+
+And she loved to stay at home--she wuz made that way.
+
+But I always felt that if she wanted to make a raven of herself for
+life, she no need to dye the feathers of the hull family in logwood, and
+tie 'em all up clost to the nest.
+
+Oren had chafed aginst it bitterly, but he bore the sable yoke until the
+youngest girl, Lateza (and mebby she inherited some of the aristocratic
+sotness of her mother with the name)--
+
+Anyway, when she come home from school she come dressed in gay colors.
+She had on a yeller woosted dress with sky-blue trimmin's, a pink hat, a
+lilock veil, and a bunch of flowers in her bosom--too many colors to
+look well, but she did it to break her yoke.
+
+This kinder stunted the mother, so she wuz easier to handle, bein'
+kinder dazed.
+
+So they took her off to a Christian Science meetin', and got her
+converted the first thing.
+
+This broke her chain, for they don't believe in mournin' as one without
+hope, and they believe in wanderin' round and seein' the beautiful world
+all you can, and takin' some comfort while you are in it.
+
+So while the zeal of the convert wuz on her, and she didn't feel like
+disputin', the girls made her some red dresses, and some yeller ones,
+and had some white streamers put onto a white bunnet she had. And they
+bought themselves the most gorgeous and gay clothin' Jonesville and
+Loontown afforded. Oren is well off, and he wouldn't stent 'em in such a
+cause as this--no, indeed!
+
+And Oren bought some bright, gay-lookin' suits, and some brilliant
+neckties--pale blue silk, with red polka dots on 'em, and some
+otter-colored ones.
+
+He had on the day we met him a bright plaid suit and a red necktie
+spangled with yeller, hangin' out kinder loose in front.
+
+And Oren bought a three-seated carriage, and they jest scoured the hull
+country--went to all the parties they could hear on, and the fairs, and
+camp-meetin's, and such. They wuz on the go the hull time; and Lateza
+Alzina got to likin' it as much as Oren did.
+
+I don't spoze they wuz to home hardly enough to eat their meals whilst
+they wuz in Jonesville; they had a good hired girl, so they wuz free to
+wander all they wuz a mind to.
+
+This summer Lateza Alzina told me that they had been up to the upper end
+of Canada and British America on a tower, and come home round by Lake
+Champlain, and Lake George, and Saratoga; they'd stayed there three
+weeks, and then they went home and hurried and got ready for the Fair.
+They come the first day it wuz opened in the mornin', and laid out to go
+home the last day of the Fair along in the night, so Oren said.
+
+They all looked real happy, but some fagged out from seein' so much.
+
+I'm dretful afraid that the pendulum, havin' swung too fur on one side,
+is a-goin' too fur on the other; it is nater.
+
+But mebby they'll settle down and be more megum when the pendulum gits
+kinder settled down some, and its vibration ceases to be so vibratin'.
+
+Anyway, I'm glad to see 'em a-steppin' out of their weeds, and I told
+'em so.
+
+Sez I, "You wuz in mournin' a awful while, wuzn't you?"
+
+Oren fairly gritted his teeth, and before Lateza Alzina could speak, he
+busted out--
+
+"By Vum! I've mourned all I'm a-goin' to! I've staid penned up in the
+house all I'm a-goin' to!
+
+"I've quit it, by Vum! First my stepfather passed away. I never liked
+him--he always imposed on me; but we all went into deep mournin', staid
+out of society--jest shet ourselves up in a black jail for years.
+
+"Then my mother-in-law left me--then three years more of solid black and
+solid stayin' to home.
+
+"Then, at the end of the third year, we kinder quit off and begun to
+creep out a little and kinder lighten ourselves up a little; but then my
+wife's brother that she never see died way out to California and left a
+big property, but not a cent to us.
+
+"But the rest of the family wanted to mourn, so my wife had to foller on
+and mourn too.
+
+"And there it wuz agin, another time of gloom--another time of stayin'
+to home.
+
+"Time after time, jest as we got out a little, we had to plunge back
+into gloom agin.
+
+"But now we're out of it, and by Heavens and earth we're a-goin' to stay
+out! There hain't a-goin' to be any more mournin' done in this
+family--not if I know myself, there hain't."
+
+But I sez, "Oren, don't talk so; folks _have_ to mourn; this is a World
+of trials, and grief is nateral to it."
+
+"Wall, I'll mourn in pepper and salt, and I'll mourn out-doors. I hain't
+a-goin' to wind myself up in crape, and shet myself up in a black hole
+no more, mourn or not mourn.
+
+"And I'm a-goin' to laugh when I want to." And he jest laid his head
+back and bust out into a horse-laugh at nothin'.
+
+But they didn't seem to mind it; I guess they wuz ust to it, and the
+girls kinder put in and laughed too. Lateza Alzina didn't laugh out
+loud, but she kinder snickered some.
+
+It made me feel queer.
+
+I see--I see the truth; the bow had been drawed too tight back, and now
+it wuz a-goin' to shoot too fur--way over the mark.
+
+But still I felt that Oren had some truth on his side.
+
+And I sez, "I always felt that you shet yourselves up too much and
+mourned too deep."
+
+"Wall," sez Lateza Alzina, "my folks always brung me up to think that it
+would be apt to make talk if folks went out any while they wuz in
+black."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "I always felt that folks had better set down and
+calculate which would be the most agreeable to 'em, to shet themselves
+up and lose their health, and die, or to let folks talk.
+
+"And then act on them thoughts, and do as they want to with fear and
+tremblin'.
+
+"And," sez I, "folks would talk whilst you wuz dyin', anyway; you can't
+keep folks from talkin'." Sez I, "Like as not they'd say it wuz a guilty
+conscience that made you droop round and stay to home so."
+
+"Wall," sez Lateza Alzina, "I wuz brought up to think that it showed so
+much respect to them that wuz gone to stay to home in black."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "if the ones that wuz gone loved you, they would want you
+to git all the consolation you could whilst you wuz parted. Jest as a
+mother lets her child have some picture-books to comfort it while she
+leaves it a spell.
+
+"And if you loved them," sez I, "their memory would go out-doors with
+you, and go back into the house with you. You would see the beloved
+face lookin' down at you from every mountain you would climb, and the
+shadder of their form would seem to appear in the mist of every valley.
+Every sunset would gleam with the smilin' light of their eyes, and every
+sunrise would begen to you, tellin' you that one more night had gone,
+and you wuz so much nearer to the Eternal Reunion.
+
+"Folks don't have to stay indoors to remember, Lateza. I have remembered
+folks out-doors, it seems to me, more than I ever did in the house.
+
+"And the voice you loved would seem to be a-tellin' you, 'Keep well,
+beloved, so you can do some of my day's work I had to lay down, as well
+as your own, and the meetin' will be all the gladder and more joyous.'
+
+"And as for puttin' on black, the dear remembered voice seems to be
+a-sayin' to me, 'Don't put on the symbol of sorrow for one who has found
+the very secret of happiness, who has left the dark shadders and has
+gone into the great brightness. Don't carry the idee to the world that
+you have lost me, for I am nearer to you than I ever could have been on
+earth, for the clay has only fell off from my soul, leavin' the barrier
+but thin indeed between us now.
+
+"'Don't act as if you wuz mournin' for me, dear heart. Let the world
+see your thought, see the truth we both know, by its reflection in your
+face.'
+
+"These are my idees, Lateza Alzina," sez I; "but howsumever, in this, as
+in every other matter that don't have any moral wickedness in it, let
+everybody be fully persuaded in their own mind, if they have got a mind,
+and do as they want to, if they know what they want to do."
+
+Oren had looked real tickled all the while I had been speakin'. And he
+stood there on his bright plaid legs, and smoothed out the ends of his
+gorgeous necktie with his yeller gloved hand, a happy and triumphant
+mean onto him.
+
+And the girls and their ma stood round him like a flock of gay-plumaged
+birds, or a bokay of brilliant blossoms, and seemed real happified and
+contented.
+
+Wall, they wuz a-boardin' way out to the other end of the city, almost
+'leven milds from there, so they had to leave middlin' early.
+
+And they all come back in the evenin', they said. "They boarded a good
+ways out--they enjoyed the ride so much a-goin' and comin'."
+
+Sometimes I'm afraid the pendulum will break down, it swings so fur, and
+then agin I don't know.
+
+But anyway, they bid me a glad adoo, and the proud and gay Oren led his
+brood off.
+
+And to resoom.
+
+The English Vestibule is decorated with panels painted by the wimmen of
+that country. There wuz one by Mrs. Swimerton, of London, that appealed
+strong to my heart; it was a seen from the temporary hospital at
+Scutori.
+
+Florence Nightingale stood in the foreground--good, pityin' female angel
+that she wuz--and all round her lay sick and dyin' soldiers, and she
+a-doin' all she could to help 'em.
+
+This picture, showin' woman as a Healer and Consoler, is in the centre,
+as it ort to be. On one side of it is a panel called Motherhood, an
+Italian mother a-holdin' a baby in her arms, and on the other side is
+Old Age and Youth, an old female bein' tenderly took care on by the
+beautiful young girl who kneels before her.
+
+On the other side of the vestibule is the paintin's of Mrs. Merritt, of
+London. The centre piece shows a number of likely lookin' young females
+a-studyin' art, and the panels on either side shows young girls and
+older ones all a-studyin' and workin', and doin' the best they could
+with what they had to do with.
+
+Dretful upliftin' to my sect it wuz to look on them pictures, all on
+'em.
+
+Wall, if I'd spent a month I couldn't begin to tell all the contents of
+them rooms--the paintin's and statuary, laces, embroidery, tapestry, and
+etc., and etc., and everything under the sun, moon, and stars, and so
+forth, and so on.
+
+All the works of wimmen from the present age of the world back to that
+wonderful book writ by the Abbess Herrard in the twelfth century, which
+contains about all the knowledge of that date.
+
+And tapestries wrought by hands that have been dust for hundreds and
+hundreds of years. But the work them hands wrought still remains, giving
+the best descriptions of them times we have now, of the manners and
+customs of that fur back time.
+
+They show off the part wimmin have took in philanthropy in all ages.
+They show that all through time that wimmen have been a help-meet. And
+you can see the tender, strong faces of them that have helped the world.
+
+One of the most interestin' things in the hull buildin' wuz the exhibit
+of the Beneficent Societies formed by wimmen all over the world--what
+they have done in war, pestilence, and famine, what they have done in
+wrestlin' with that deadly serpent, whose folds encompass the earth--the
+foulest serpent of Intemperance. What my sect have done banded together
+to promote liberty, to establish religion, and all good works.
+
+The decoration of the big room set apart for the association and
+organizations are strikin'.
+
+Fifty-four organizations of Christian wimmen and workers for
+righteousness in different ways have their headquarters here.
+
+The Wimmen's Christian Temperance Union makes a big display; from post
+to post is extended long links of pledge cards signed by boys and girls
+of forty-four countries--France, Africa, Japan, China, etc., etc., etc.
+
+What links them wuz that bound them children to a future of temperance
+and usefulness! Strong cords a-spreadin' out to the very ends of the
+earth, and a-bringin' them all together and tyin' 'em up to the ramparts
+of Heaven.
+
+Denmark has a display of seven little wimmen a-wearin' the white ribbon.
+
+In the Japanese department hangs a large bell all made of pipes, and
+Josiah sez--
+
+"It's curious that wimmen, who run smokin' so, should have such a lot of
+pipes to sell." Sez he, "I'm most a-mind to buy one, smokin' is gittin'
+so fashionable, and lady-like. Mebby you'd better have one, Samantha."
+
+I looked at him witherin'ly, but he didn't seem to wither any.
+
+But a bystander spoke up and sez, "These are the pipes of opium-smokers,
+who have given up the vile habit. They wuz collected in Japan and
+presented to that noble worker, Mary Allen West."
+
+And the bell rung for the first time at her funeral in way-off Japan,
+where she laid down her sickle on her ripe sheaves, and rested from her
+labors.
+
+(These last lines are my own eppisodin; he simply related the facts.)
+
+There wuz associations on exhibition from all the different countries of
+the globe, of Christian workers of all kinds, in organizations,
+horsepitals, missionary fields, etc. from Loontown clear to Turkey.
+
+The Turkish Compassionate Fund rousted up sights of emotions in me. When
+you looked at the marvellous Oriental embroideries of the Mahommeden
+wimmen, you didn't dispute that their work has devoloped a new art.
+
+You see, them female Turkeys wuz drove from their homes by the Tigers,
+War, and Starvation, and the Baroness Burdette Coutts and Lady Layard
+bought the materials and organized this work. There are two thousand
+engaged in it now.
+
+Madame Zarcoff, who is in charge of it now, has a medal gin her by the
+Sultan, with "Charity" engraved on it in the language of the Turkeys.
+
+I couldn't read it, or Josiah. But she told us what it wuz.
+
+Wall, as I say, there wuz displays of every other kind of Christian
+work, and a-lookin' over them records, and seein' the benign faces of
+them wimmen who had led on the fight aginst the banded powers of
+Hell--why, the tears jest run down my face some like rain water, and
+Josiah asked me anxiously, "If I wuz took with a cramp."
+
+And I sez, "No, fur from it. I am took with the sperit of rejoicin', and
+wonder, and thanksgivin', and everything else."
+
+And he sez, "Wall, I wouldn't stand up and cry; if I wuz a-goin' to cry,
+I would set down to it."
+
+And agin I sez, as I had said before, "Josiah, you're not a woman."
+
+And he sez, "No, indeed; you wouldn't catch a man a-cryin' because he
+wuz tickled about sunthin'; he would more likely snap his fingers, and
+whistle."
+
+But I heeded not his remarks, and we wended onwards.
+
+And I see, with everything else under the sun, moon, and stars, a
+collection of all the kinds of flowers in the country, clear from Maine
+to California; and lots of the flowers preserved in their nateral
+colors.
+
+And if you think this is a easy job, I can tell you that you are very
+much mistaken.
+
+Why, jest a-walkin' over to Miss Alexander Bobbet'ses, acrost lots, I
+have come acrost more than forty different kinds of wild flowers, and
+then, when I got there, I can't begin to tell how many flowers she had
+in her dooryard.
+
+More than a hundred, anyway; and then if I come home by she that wuz
+Submit Tewksbury--why, my 'rithmetic would fairly gin out a-countin'
+before I got home; and then to think of all the broad acres of land,
+hills and valleys, mountains and forests between Oregon, and New Jersey,
+and Maine, and Florida, and California!
+
+Wuz it a easy job that wimmen took on to themselves, then?
+
+No, indeed; no, indeed!
+
+But wimmen are ust to hard jobs, and if she begins 'em she will carry
+'em out and finish 'em; as wuz proved by the cloak we see there, made of
+feathers, that took five years to make.
+
+But when I go to talk about the paintin's, and statutes, and the
+embroideries my sect shows off in that buildin', then agin I draw deep
+breaths full of praise and admiration, sunthin' like sithes, only
+happier ones, to think mine eyes had been permitted to gaze on the
+marvels and wonders my own sect had wrought.
+
+And then I thought of Isabelle, and I thought I would love to have her
+there to neighbor with; thinkses I, if it hadn't been for her we
+wouldn't have been discovered at all, as I know on, and then where would
+have been the Woman's Buildin'? I thought I would love to talk it over
+with her; how, though she furnished the means for a man to discover us,
+yet four hundred years had to wear away before men thought that wimmen
+wuz capable of takin' part in any Internatinal Exposition. I wanted
+Isabelle there that day--I wanted her like a dog.
+
+But my thoughts wuz brought back from my rapt contemplation by my
+companion's voice. He sez:
+
+"By Jocks! I hadn't no idee that wimmen had ever done so much work that
+is useful as well as ornamental." Sez he, "I had read a sight about the
+Lady Managers, and I had got the idee that them ladies couldn't do much
+more than to set down and tend poodles, and knit tattin'. I hadn't no
+idee that they wuz a-goin' to swing out and make such a show as this."
+
+[Illustration: Josiah's "idee" of "them ladies."]
+
+Them remarks of hisen wuz wrung out of him by the glory of the display,
+as the sweet sap is brung out of the maple trees by the all-powerful
+influence and glory of the spring sun, and they show more plain than
+song or poem of the wonders about us.
+
+Josiah don't love to praise wimmen--he hates to. But I answered him
+proudly, "Yes, this Magic Wonder Land o' beauty and practical use wuz
+wrought by Sophia Haydon, and other noble wimmen. They must have the
+credit for everything about it, and for all the work it shows off within
+its borders."
+
+Sez I, "Uncle Sam was a good-actin' creeter for once, anyway, when he
+made that act of Congress about the World's Columbian Exposition. He
+made that body of men appoint a board of Lady Managers--two ladies from
+each State and Territory, and eight lady managers at large, and nine at
+Chicago."
+
+That name "Lady Manager" wuz done by Uncle Sam's over-politeness to the
+sect, and I don't know as Josiah wuz to blame. You would think by the
+name that them ladies wuz a-settin' in rows of gilded chairs, a-holdin'
+a rosy in their hands.
+
+But, in fact, amongst them female managers there wuz one hard-workin'
+doctor and lawyer, real-estate agents, journalists, editors, merchants,
+two cotton planters, teachers, artists, farmers, and a cattle queen.
+
+And you'd think to hear it talked on that there wuz only eight ladies at
+large amongst 'em--that the rest on 'em wuz kinder shet up and hampered.
+But you'd git that idee out of your head after one look in that Woman's
+Buildin'. You'd think that not only the hull board of Lady Managers wuz
+at large, but that every female woman the hull length and breadth of our
+country not only wuz at large, but the wimmen of the hull world. Why,
+connected with this great work is not only the hull caboodle of our own
+wimmen, fur or near--American wimmen, every one on 'em a queen, or will
+be when she gits her rights; besides them wimmen, the Queen of England's
+daughter, the Princess Christian, is at the head of the British wimmen
+at the Fair.
+
+And Queen Victoria herself has sent over some things, amongst 'em them
+napkins of hern, spun and wove by her own hands.
+
+What a lesson for snobbish young ladies, who would think it lowerin' to
+hem a napkin! What would they think to tackle 'em in the flax? And then
+there wuz a hat made by England's Queen, and gin to her grand-daughter;
+and there wuz six pictures painted by her, original sketches from nater.
+One view wuz from the Queen's own room at Balmoral.
+
+And then the Princess of Wales sent a chair of carved walnut,
+upholstered with leather, all the work of her own hands.
+
+What another lesson that is to our lazy, fashionable girls! And Princess
+Maud of Wales sent a embroidered piano stool. And Princess Louise--Miss
+Lorne that now is--and Princess Beatrice sent the work of their own
+brains and hands.
+
+I guess queens have always made a practice of workin'.
+
+Why, I see there--and I could have wept when I seen it if I'd had the
+time--an elegant bedquilt made by poor Mary Queen of Scots. She sot the
+last stitches in it the day before her death.
+
+What queer stitches them must have been--Agony and Remorse a-twistin'
+the thread in the needle.
+
+[Illustration: Queen Victoria sent over some things.]
+
+And then there wuz a piece of embroidery by Queen Marie Antoinette. What
+queer stitches _them_ must have been, if she could have seen the End!
+
+And then there wuz a portrait of Maria de Medici, Queen of France, made
+by herself.
+
+And then there wuz a Bible presented by Queen Anne to the Moravian
+Church of New York, and a Bible of Princess Christian's.
+
+The fine needlework of the wimmen of Greece makes a splendid show. The
+Queen of Greece is at the head of their commission.
+
+The Queen of Italy goes ahead of all the other monarchs; she shows her
+own private collection of lace handkerchiefs, and neckties, and
+mantillys, and so forth. And even her crown laces--them beautiful laces
+that droop down over her regal head-dress when she sets with her crown
+on, and her sceptre held out in her hand.
+
+The Queen of Belgium is at the head of their exposition. And the German
+commission is headed by a Princess.
+
+Wall, you see from what I have said that there wuz a great variety of
+Queens a-showin' off in that buildin'; and as for Baronnesses, and
+Duchesses, and Ladies, etc., etc.--why, they wuz as common there as
+clover in a field of timothy. You felt real familiar with 'em.
+
+The reception-room of Mrs. Palmer, the beautiful President of the
+Woman's Committee, is a fittin' room for the presidin' genius.
+
+All along the walls below the ceilin' runs a design of roses, scattered
+and grouped with exquisite taste. Miss Agnes Pitman, of Cincinnati,
+decorated that room.
+
+In Mrs. Palmer's office is a wonderful table donated by the wimmen of
+Pennsylvania.
+
+In that table is cedar from Lebanon, oak from the yoke of Liberty Bell,
+oak from the good old ship Constitution, from Washington's headquarters
+at Valley Forge, and wood from other noted places.
+
+And none of the woods wuz ever put to better use than now, to hold the
+records of woman's Aspirations and Success in 1893.
+
+The ceilin' of the New York room wuz designed by Dora Keith Wheeler,
+and is beautiful and effective. And the room is full of objects of
+beauty and use.
+
+The gorgeous President's chair from Mexico is a sight; and so to me wuz
+the chair in the Kentucky room, three hundred years old, that used to be
+sot in by old Elder Brewster, of Plymouth.
+
+Good old creeter! if he could have been moved offen that rock of hisen
+three hundred years ago, into this White City, he would have fell out of
+that chair in a fit--I most know he would.
+
+And then there wuz a silk flag made by General Sheridan's mother when
+she wuz eighty years old, and a group of dolls dressed in costooms
+illustrating American history.
+
+And there wuz a shirt of old Peter Stuyvesent's and a baby dress of De
+Witt Clinton's.
+
+I never mistrusted that he wuz ever a baby till I seen that dress. I'd
+always thought on him as the first Governor of New York.
+
+And speakin' of babys--why, I wuz jest a-lookin' at that dress when I
+met Miss Job Presley, of Loontown.
+
+And I sez, almost the first thing, "Where is your baby?"
+
+And she sez, "It is in the Babys' Buildin'. I have got a check for
+her--one for her, and one for my umbrell." And she showed 'em to me.
+
+"Wall," sez I, "that is a good, noble idee to rest mothers' tired arms;
+but it must make you feel queer."
+
+And she said, as she put the checks back into her portmoney, "That it
+did make her feel queer as a dog."
+
+[Illustration: Miss Job Presley.]
+
+Wall, there wuz a table from Pennsylvania, containin' more than two
+thousand pieces of native wood; and there wuz a Scotchwoman with her
+good old spinnin'-wheel, and a Welsh girl a-weavin' cloth.
+
+And inventions of females of all kinds, from a toboggan slide, and a
+system of irrigation, and models of buildin's of all kinds, to a stock
+car.
+
+Why, the very elevator you rode up to the ruff garden on wuz made by a
+woman.
+
+And then there wuz cotton raised and ginned by wimmen of the South, and
+nets by the wimmen of New Jersey, and fruit raised by the wimmen of
+California--the most beautiful fruit I ever sot my eyes on, and wine
+made by her, too.
+
+(I could have wept when I see that, but presoom it wuz for sickness.)
+
+And from Colorado there wuz tracin's of minin' surveys. Wimmen a-findin'
+out things hid in the bowels of the earth! O good land! the idee on't!
+
+And engravin's and etchin's done by wimmen way back to 1581.
+
+And in stamped leather, wall decoration, furniture, it wuz a sight to
+see the noble doin's of my sect; and a exhibit that done my soul good
+wuz from Belva Lockwood, admittin' wimmen to practise in the Supreme
+Court. That wuz better than leather work, though that is worthy, and wuz
+more elevatin' to my sect than the elevator.
+
+The British exhibit is arranged splendidly to show off wimmen's noble
+work in charity, education, manafacture, art, literature, etc., and
+amongst their patents is one for a fire-escape, and one to extract gold
+from base metals. Both of these are good idees, as there can't anybody
+dispute.
+
+Another exhibit there that appeals strong to the feelin' heart wuz Kate
+Marsdon's Siberian leper village.
+
+She is a nurse of the Red Cross, and her heart ached with pity for them
+wretched lepers, in their dretful lonely huts in the forests of
+Siberia.
+
+She went herself to see their awful condition, and tried to help 'em;
+she raised money herself for horsepitals and nurses.
+
+[Illustration: Relics of Kate Marsdon.]
+
+Here is a model of the village, with church, horsepital, schoolhouse,
+store, and cottages for them that are able to work.
+
+Here is the saddle she wore durin' her long, dretful journey to Siberia,
+and the knife she carried, and some of the miserable, hard black bread
+she had to eat.
+
+Here are letters to her from Queen Victoria, and the Empress of Russia.
+
+But a Higher Power writ to her, writ on her heart, and went with her
+acrost the dark fields of snow and ice.
+
+Wall, after lookin' at everything under the sun, from a Lion's Head, by
+Rosa Bonhuer, to a piece of bead-work by a Injun, and every queer and
+beautiful Japan thing you ever thought on, or ever didn't think on, and
+everything else under the sun, moon, and stars, that wuz ever made by a
+woman--and there is no end to 'em--we went up into the ruff garden,
+where, amidst flowers, and fountains, and fresh air, happy children wuz
+a-playin', with birds and butterflies a-flyin' about 'em over their
+heads.
+
+The birds couldn't git out, nor the children either, for up fifteen
+feet high a wire screen wuz stretched along, coverin' the hull beautiful
+garden. Nothin' could git in or out of it but the sweet air and the
+sunshine.
+
+Oh, what a good idee! You could see that the Woman's Buildin' wuz full
+of beautiful, practical idees, from the ground floor to the very top; as
+you could see plain by this that the children wuz thought on and cared
+for, from the bottom to the top of this palace. Some say that wimmen
+soarin' out in art and business makes 'em hard and ontender; you can see
+that this is a plain falsehood jest by walkin' once through the Woman's
+Buildin'.
+
+If ever wimmen soared out in art and business, and genius, and
+philanthropy, and education, and religion, she does here; and from the
+floor to the ruff is the highest signs of her tenderness for the
+children, and all weak and helpless ones.
+
+Oh, what emotions I had in that buildin', and of what a immense size!
+Some of the time I got lost and by the side of myself, a-thinkin' such
+deep and high thoughts about the World's Fair, and wimmen, etc., and
+they wuz so fur-reachin', too; it wuz a sight.
+
+For I knew on that openin' day, when the hammer struck that marvellous
+golden nail, and this world of treasures opened at the signal--I knew
+that the echo of that blow wuzn't a-goin' to die out on Lake Michigan. I
+knew that at its echo old Prejudice, and Custom, and Might wuz a-goin'
+to skulk back and hide their hoary heads; and Young Progress, and
+Equality, and Right wuz a-goin' to advance and take their places.
+
+Stiflin', encumberin' veils wuz a-goin' to fall from the sad eyes of the
+wimmen of the East. Chains wuz a-goin' to fall from the delicate wrists
+of the wimmen of the West.
+
+I hailed that sound as helpin' forward the era of Love, Peace, goodwill
+to men and wimmen.
+
+Yes, it wuz a happy hour for her who was once Smith, when man, in the
+shape of President Cleveland, pressed the button with his thumb. And
+woman, in the form of Bertha Honore Palmer, drove that nail home with a
+hammer.
+
+Josiah thought it ort to been the other way. He sez, "That men wuz so
+used to hammer and nails;" and he sez, and stuck to it, that, "No woman
+livin' ever druv a nail home without splittin' her own nail in the
+effort, and bendin' the nail she driv sideways."
+
+But I sot him down in my mind as representin' Old Prejudice, and I did
+not dain a reply to him. Only I merely said--
+
+"Wall, she did drive the nail in straight, and she clinched it solid
+with the golden words of her address."
+
+Yes, Mrs. Palmer has stood up on a high mount durin' the hard years past
+since the Fair wuz thought on.
+
+She has stood up so high that she could see things hid from them on the
+ground.
+
+She could see over the hull world, and could see that, like little
+children of one family, the nations wuz all havin' their own separate
+work to do to help their Pa's and Ma's--their Pa Progress, and Grandpa
+Civilization, and their Ma and Grandma Love and Humanity.
+
+She could see that some of the children wuz dark complexioned, and some
+lighter, and some kinder yeller favored, and some wuz big, and some wuz
+small.
+
+They differed in looks and behavior, as every big family will, and she
+could see that they had their little squabbles together, a-quarrelin'
+among themselves over their possessions, their toys and their
+rights--they wuz jealous of each other, and greedy, as children will be;
+and they had their perplexities, and their deep troubles, and their
+vexations, as children must have in this world, and some wuz fractious,
+and some wuz balky, and some wuz good dispositioned, and some wuz cross
+and mean, and had to be spanked more or less.
+
+But she could see from her sightly place that the hull of the children
+wuz a-movin' on, some slower and some faster, movin' on, and a-gittin'
+into line, and a-fallin' into step, to the music of the future.
+
+She could see, and she has seen from the first minute she wuz lifted up
+and looked off over the world, that this gatherin' of all the children
+together, a-showin' the best they had done, or could do, wuz a-goin' to
+help the hull family along more than tongue could tell, or mind could
+conceive of.
+
+She could see that it wuz encouragin' the good children to do still
+better. Allowin' the smart ones to show off their smartness to the best
+advantage. Awakenin' a spirit of helpful emulation in the more backward
+and sluggish of 'em.
+
+Yes, the light from this big house-warmin' she knew would penetrate and
+glow into the darkest corners of the earth, and, like a great warm sun,
+bring forth a glowin' and never-endin' harvest of blessed results.
+
+The hull family wuz a-doin' first rate, and their Pa and Ma wuz proud
+enough of 'em.
+
+And they felt well, for they knew that they wuz advancin' rapid, and
+with quick steps and with happy hearts.
+
+And when she looked way back, and watched the long procession a-defilin'
+along, some a-walkin' swift and some a-laggin' back with slower, more
+burdened footsteps (chains of different kinds a-draggin' on 'em)--
+
+When she see the dark shadders of the past behind 'em--the dretful
+shapes of ignorance and evil a-lurkin' in the heavy blackness from which
+they wuz emergin'--her tender heart ached with sympathy.
+
+But when she looked fur off, fur off, ahead on 'em the gole that they
+wuz a-settin' out for, she had to almost lift her hands and hide her
+eyes from the dazzlin' glory.
+
+It most blinded her, so bright it wuz, and so golden the rays streamed
+out.
+
+Equal rights, Freedom for all, Love, Peace, Joy. I spoze she see a
+sight.
+
+Her face shone!
+
+But to resoom: Josiah wuz dretful interested in the Agricultural display
+of the ladies of Iowa, and it wuz interestin' to look at.
+
+On one end is panels of pansies all made out of kernels of corn, so
+nateral that you almost wanted to pick 'em off and make a posey of 'em.
+
+On one of the other walls is a row of wimmen's heads done in corn; the
+hair is done in corn silks, and their clothes out of the husks.
+
+And then there is a border made of corn, illustratin' the story of corn
+in Greek Mythology.
+
+There is a picture called the Water Carrier--a woman made of different
+kinds of corn, jest as nateral as life, and the landscape round her made
+of grasses, and trees of sorghum, and the frame is made of ears of corn.
+
+Josiah wuz crazy to have one to home. Sez he, "Samanthy, I am bound to
+have your picture took in corn, it is so cheap." Sez he, "Ury and I
+could do it some rainy day, and how you would treasure it!" sez he.
+
+Sez he, "I could make your hair out of white silk grass, and your face
+out of red pop-corn mostly." Sez he, "Of course, to make you life size
+it would take a big crop of corn. I should judge," sez he, "that it
+would take about two bushels to make your waist ribbon; but I wouldn't
+begretch it."
+
+Sez I, "If you want to make me happy in corn, Josiah Allen, take it to
+the mill and grind it into samp or good fine meal. You and Ury can't
+bring happiness to me by paintin' me in corn, so dismiss the thought to
+once, for I will not be took."
+
+"Yes, break it up," sez he bitterly; "you always do, if I branch out
+into anything uneek."
+
+It wuz some time before I could quiet him down.
+
+The display by Norway and Sweden is very complete, showin' the work of
+the lower and upper classes, laces, and embroideries, etc., etc.
+
+And so they wuz from every other nation of the Globe. It fairly makes my
+brain reel now, to think of the wonder and the glory of 'em.
+
+Wall, towards the last we went to see the model kitchen. And Miss Plank,
+who had been off with some friends, jined us here, and she wuz happy
+here, as happy as a queen on her throne; and Josiah, and I thought he
+richly deserved it, in the restaurant attached, he eat such a lunch as
+only a hungry man can eat, cooked jest as good as vittles can be, and
+all done by wimmen. Why, Miss Rorer herself, that I have kep (in book
+form) on my buttery shelf for years, wuz here in the body, a-learnin'
+folks to cook. That is sayin' enough for the vittles to them that knows
+her (in book form).
+
+There wuz every appliance and new-fangled invention to help wimmen cook,
+and do her work, and every old-fangled one. Miss Plank hunted hard to
+find sunthin' to make better pancakes than hern, but couldn't.
+
+But it wuz a sight--a sight, the things we see there.
+
+Wall, we spent the hull of the day here--never stepped our feet outside,
+and didn't want to, or at least I didn't.
+
+And as Night softly onrolled her mantilly, previous to drawin' it over
+her face and goin' to sleep, we reluctantly turned our feet away from
+this beautiful, sacred place, and went home on the cars. And didn't the
+bed feel good? And didn't Sleep come like a sweet, consolin' friend and
+lay her hand on my gray hair and weary fore-top jest as lovin' as Mother
+Smith ust to, and murmur in my ear, jest as soft and low as Ma Smith
+did, "Hush, my dear; lie still and slumber."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+
+Wall, the next mornin'--such is the wonderful balm of onbroken sleep
+that any one takes in onbeknown to themselves--we felt considerable
+brisk.
+
+And Josiah proposed that we should go and pay attention to the Buildin'
+of Liberal Arts and Manafactures that day.
+
+Havin' had my way the day before on goin' to the home and headquarters
+of my sect first, I thought it wuzn't no more than right that my pardner
+should have his way that day as to what buildin' we should pay attention
+to, and he wanted to go to the biggest one next.
+
+He said that, "When he wuz a-shearin' sheep he always wanted to tackle
+the biggest one first, and he felt jest so about any hard job."
+
+I kinder wanted to go to the Art Gallery that mornin'; first wimmen, and
+then Art--them wuz my choices. But Love prevailed. And the feelin' that,
+after seein' the display that wimmen had wrought, that mebby it wuz best
+to go next to the largest house on the grounds, and the most liberal
+one.
+
+So we sot off, after a good breakfast.
+
+We thought we would meander kinder slow that mornin', and examine things
+closely. Truly we had been too much overcome by that first visit the day
+before to take much notice of things in particular.
+
+When that seen had bust onto us it wuz some like a blind man comin' to
+his sight in the middle of a June day. He wouldn't pay any particular
+attention to each separate glory that made up the seen--blue sky, green
+fields, sunshine, white clouds, sparklin' waters, rustlin' trees, wavin'
+grass, roses, green fields, and so forth and so forth.
+
+No, it would all mingle in one dazzlin' picture before his astounded
+eyeballs. So it had been with us, or with me, at any rate.
+
+Now we laid out to go slower and take things in more separate--one by
+one, as it were; and we seemed to realize more than we had sensed it the
+immense--immense size of the depot, the rumble of the elevated trains
+overhead, and the abundance of the facilities to git into the Columbian
+World's Fair.
+
+Why, there is about fifty places right there to git tickets, and
+ninety-six turnstiles--most a hundred! The idee!
+
+Wall, with no casualities worth enumeratin', we found ourselves in that
+glorious Court of Honor, and pretty nigh that gorgeous fountain of
+MacMonnies. This matchless work of art occupies the place of honor
+amidst the incomparable group of wonders in that Court of Honor, and it
+deserves it. Yes, indeed! its size is immense, but it don't show it,
+owin' to the size of the buildin's surroundin' it.
+
+Here in this fountain, as elsewhere at Columbus's doin's, female wimmen
+are put forward in the highest and loftiest places.
+
+High up, enthroned in a mammoth boat, stately and beautiful in design,
+sets a impressive female figger, her face all lit up with Truth and
+Earnest Purpose as she towers up above the others. The boat seems to be
+a-goin' aginst the wind, as boats that amount to anything and git there
+always have in the past, and most likely will in the future. And the
+keen wind wuz a-blowin' hard aginst the female figger that wuz
+a-standin' up in front of the boat, but she didn't care; it blowed her
+drapery back some, but it only floated out her wings better.
+
+She held a bugle in her hand, a-soundin' out, I should judge from her
+looks--
+
+"How goes the world? I am comin' to help, but you needn't wait for me--I
+will overtake you!"
+
+She wuz bound to help the old world along, as you could see by her
+looks.
+
+I thought when I first looked at it that the hull thing wuz to show
+forth the powers of electricity. I thought that that wuz Electricity on
+top of that throne, and the woman in front wuz a-gazin' out fur ahead,
+a-tryin' to catch sight of that most wondrous New World that that
+strange Magician is a-goin' to sail us into. And I didn't wonder that
+she wuz a-gazin' so intent fur off ahead.
+
+For we don't know no more about that strange, onknown world than
+Columbus did when he sot sail from Genoa.
+
+A few strange birds have flown from it and lighted on the heads of the
+Discoverers, a few spars of wisdom has been washed ashore, and some
+strange leaves and sea-weeds, all tellin' us that they have come from a
+new world different from ours, and one more riz up like--more like the
+Immortal.
+
+But of the hull world of wonder, it is yet to be discovered; and I
+thought, as I looked at it, I shouldn't wonder if they will get
+there--the figger on the throne wuz so impressive, and the female in
+front so determined.
+
+Wisdom, and courage, and joyful hope and ardor.
+
+Helped by 'em, borne along by 'em in the face of envy, and detraction,
+and bigotry, and old custom, the boat sails grandly.
+
+"Ho! up there on the high mast! What news?"
+
+"Light! light ahead!"
+
+But to resoom: a-standin' up on each side of that impressive figger wuz
+another row of females--mebby they had oars in their hands, showin' that
+they wuz calculatin' to take hold and row the boat for a spell if it got
+stuck; and mebby they wuz poles, or sunthin'.
+
+But I don't believe they meant to use 'em on that solitary man that
+stood in back end of the boat, a-propellin' it--it would have been a
+shame if they had.
+
+No; I believe that they meant to help at sunthin' or ruther with them
+long sticks.
+
+They wuz all a-lookin' some distance ahead, all a-seemin' bound to get
+where they started for.
+
+Besides bein' gorgeous in the extreme, I took it as bein' a compliment
+to my sect, the way that fountain wuz laid out--ten or a dozen wimmen,
+and only one or two men. But after I got it all fixed out in my mind
+what that lofty and impressive figger meant, a bystander a-standin' by
+explained it all out to me.
+
+[Illustration: I took it as bein' a compliment to my sect the way
+that fountain wuz laid out--ten or a dozen wimmen and only one or two
+men.]
+
+He said that the female figger way up above the rest wuz Columbia,
+beautiful, strong, fearless.
+
+And that it wuz Fame that stood at the prow with the bugle, and that it
+wuz Father Time at the hellum, a-guidin' it through the dangers of the
+centuries.
+
+And the female figgers around Columbia's throne wuz meant for Science,
+Industry, Commerce, Agriculture, Music, Drama, Paintin', and Literature,
+all on 'em a-helpin' Columbia along in her grand pathway.
+
+And then I see that what I had hearn wuz true, that Columbia had jest
+discovered Woman. Yes, the boat wuz headed directly towards Woman, who
+stood up one hundred feet high in front.
+
+And I see plain that Columbia couldn't help discoverin' her if she
+wanted to, when she's lifted herself up so, and is showin' plain in 1893
+jest how lofty and level-headed, how many-sided and yet how symmetrical
+she is.
+
+There she stands (Columbia didn't have to take my word for it), there
+she wuz a-towerin' up one hundred feet, lofty, serene, and sweet-faced,
+her calm, tender eyes a-lookin' off into the new order of centuries.
+
+And Columbia wuz a-sailin' right towards her, steered by Time, the
+invincible.
+
+I see there wuz a great commotion down in the water, a-snortin', and
+a-plungin', and a-actin' amongst the lower order of intelligences.
+
+But Columbia's eyes wuz clear, and calm, and determined, and Old Time
+couldn't be turned round by any prancin' from the powers below.
+
+_Woman is discovered._
+
+But to resoom. This immense boat wuz in the centre, jest as it should
+be; and all before it and around wuz the horses of Neptune, and
+mermaids, and fishes, and all the mystery of the sea.
+
+Some of the snortin' and prancin' of the horses of the Ocean, and
+pullin' at the bits, so's the men couldn't hardly hold 'em, wuz meant, I
+spoze, to represent how awful tuckerin' it is for humanity to control
+the forces of Nater.
+
+Wall, of all the sights I ever see, that fountain wuz the upshot and cap
+sheaf; and how I would have loved to have told Mr. MacMonnies so! It
+would have been so encouragin' to him, and it would have seemed to have
+relieved that big debt of gratitude that Jonesville and America owed to
+him; and how I wish I could make a good cup of tea for him, and brile a
+hen or a hen turkey! I'd do it with a willin' mind.
+
+I wish he'd come to Jonesville and make a all-day's visit--stay to
+dinner and supper, and all night if he will, and travel round through
+Jonesville the next day. I would enjoy it, and so would Josiah. Of
+course, we couldn't show off in fireworks anything to what he does,
+havin' nothin' but a lantern and a torchlight left over from Cleveland's
+campain. No; we shouldn't try to have no such doin's. I know when I am
+outdone.
+
+Bime-by we stood in front of that noble statute of the Republic.
+
+And as I gazed clost at it, and took in all its noble and serene beauty,
+I had emotions of a bigger size, and more on 'em, than I had had in some
+time.
+
+Havin' such feelin's as I have for our own native land--discovered by
+Christopher Columbus, founded by George Washington, rescued, defended,
+and saved by Lincoln and Grant (and I could preach hours and hours on
+each one of these noble male texts, if I had time)--
+
+Bein' so proud of the Republic as I have always been, and so sot on
+wantin' her to do jest right and soar up above all the other nations of
+the earth in nobility and goodness--havin' such feelin's for her, and
+such deep and heartfelt love and pride for my own sect--what wuz my
+emotions, as I see that statute riz up to the Republic in the form of a
+woman, when I went up clost and paid particular attention to her!
+
+A female, most sixty-five feet tall! Why, as I looked on her, my
+emotions riz me up so, and seemed to expand my own size so, that I felt
+as if I, too, towered up so high that I could lock arms with her, and
+walk off with her arm in arm, and look around and enjoy what wuz bein'
+done there in the great To-Day for her sect, and mine; and what that
+sect wuz a-branchin' out and doin' for herself.
+
+But, good land! it wuz only my emotions that riz me up; my common sense
+told me that I couldn't walk locked arms with her, for she wuz built out
+in the water, on a stagin' that lifted her up thirty or forty feet
+higher.
+
+And her hands wuz stretched out as if to welcome Columbia, who wuz
+a-sailin' right towards her. On the right hand a globe was held; the
+left arm extended above her head, holdin' a pole.
+
+I didn't know what that pole wuz for, and I didn't ask; but she held it
+some as if she wuz liable to bring it down onto the globe and gin it a
+whack. And I didn't wonder.
+
+It is enough to make a stun woman, or a wooden female, mad, to see how
+the nation always depicters wimmen in statutes, and pictures, and
+things, as if they wuz a-holdin' the hull world in the palm of their
+hand, when they hain't, in reality, willin' to gin 'em the right that a
+banty hen has to take care of their own young ones, and protect 'em from
+the hoverin' hawks of intemperance and every evil.
+
+But mebby she didn't have no idee of givin' a whack at the globe; she
+wuz a-holdin' it stiddy when I seen her, and she looked calm, and
+middlin' serene, and as beautiful, and lofty, and inspirin' as they
+make.
+
+She wuz dressed well, and a eagle had come to rest on her bosom,
+symbolical, mebby, of how wimmen's heart has, all through the ages, been
+the broodin' place and the rest of eagle man, and her heart warmed by
+its soft, flutterin' feathers, and pierced by its cruel beak.
+
+The crown wore on top of her noble forehead wuz dretful appropriate to
+show what wuz inside of a woman's head; for it wuz made of electric
+lights--flashin' lights, and strange, wrought of that mysterious
+substance that we don't understand yet.
+
+But we know that it is luminous, fur-reachin' in its rays, and possesses
+almost divine intelligence.
+
+It sheds its pure white light a good ways now, and no knowin' how much
+further it is a-goin' to flash 'em out--no knowin' what sublime and
+divine power of intelligence it will yet grow to be, when it is fully
+understood, and when it has the full, free power to branch out, and do
+all that is in it to do.
+
+Jest like wimmen's love, and divine ardor, and holy desires for a
+world's good--jest exactly.
+
+It wuz a good-lookin' head-dress.
+
+Her figger wuz noble, jest as majestic and perfect as the human form can
+be. And it stood up there jest as the Lord meant wimmen to stand, not
+lookin' like a hour-glass or a pismire, but a good sensible waist on
+her, jest as human creeters ort to have.
+
+I don't know what dressmakers would think of her. I dare presoom to say
+they would look down on her because she didn't taper. And they would
+probable be disgusted because she didn't wear cossets.
+
+But to me one of the greatest and grandest uses of that noble figger wuz
+to stand up there a-preachin' to more than a million wimmen daily of the
+beauty and symmetry of a perfect form, jest as the Lord made it, before
+it wuz tortured down into deformity and disease by whalebones and cosset
+strings.
+
+Imagine that stately, noble presence a-scrunchin' herself in to make a
+taper on herself--or to have her long, graceful, stately draperies cut
+off into a coat-tail bask--the idee!
+
+Here wuz the beauty and dignity of the human form, onbroken by vanity
+and folly. And I did hope my misguided sect would take it to heart.
+
+And of all the crowds of wimmen I see a-standin' in front of it admirin'
+it, I never see any of 'em, even if their own waists did look like
+pismires, but what liked its looks.
+
+Till one day I did see two tall, spindlin', fashionable-lookin' wimmen
+a-lookin' at it, and one sez to the other:
+
+"Oh, how sweet she would look in elbow-sleeves and a tight-fittin'
+polenay!"
+
+"Yes," sez the other; "and a bell skirt ruffled almost to the waist, and
+a Gainsboro hat, and a parasol."
+
+"And high-heel shoes and seven-button gloves," sez the other.
+
+And I turned my back on them then and there, and don't know what other
+improvements they did want to add to her--most likely a box of French
+candy, a card-case, some eye-glasses, a yeller-covered novel, and a pug
+dog. The idee!
+
+[Illustration: "How sweet she would look!"]
+
+And as I wended on at a pretty good jog after hearin' 'em, I sez to
+myself--
+
+"Some wimmen are born fools, some achieve foolishness, and some have
+foolishness thrust on 'em, and I guess them two had all three of 'em."
+
+I said it to myself loud enough so's Josiah heard me, and he sez in
+joyful axents--
+
+"I am glad, Samantha, that you have come to your senses at last, and
+have a realizin' sense of your sect's weaknesses and folly."
+
+And I wuz that wrought up with different emotions that I wuz almost
+perfectly by the side of myself, and I jest said to him--
+
+"Shet up!"
+
+I wouldn't argy with him. I wuz fearful excited a-contemplatin' the
+heights of true womanhood and the depths of fashionable folly that a
+few--a very few--of my sect yet waded round in.
+
+But after I got quite a considerable distance off, I instinctively
+turned and looked up to the face of that noble creeter, the Republic.
+
+And I see that she didn't care what wuz said about her.
+
+Her face wuz sot towards the free, fresh air of the future--the past wuz
+behind her. The winds of Heaven wuz fannin' her noble fore-top, her eyes
+wuz lookin' off into the fur depths of space, her lips wuz wreathed with
+smiles caught from the sun and the dew, and the fire of the golden dawn.
+
+She wuz riz up above the blame or praise--the belittlin', foolish,
+personal babblin' of contemporary criticism.
+
+Her head wuz lifted towards the stars.
+
+But to resoom, and continue on.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+
+After we reluctantly left off contemplatin' that statute of Woman, we
+wended along to the buildin' of Manafactures and Liberal Arts, that
+colossial structure that dwarfs all the other giants of the Exposition.
+
+This is the largest buildin' ever constructed by any exposition
+whatsoever.
+
+It covers with its galleries forty acres of land--it is as big as the
+hull of Elam Bobbet's farm--and Elam gets a good livin' offen that farm
+for him and Amanda and eight children, and he raises all kinds of crops
+on it, besides cows, and colts, and hens, grass land and pasture, and a
+creek goes a-runnin' through it, besides a piece of wood lot.
+
+And then, think to have one buildin' cover a place as large as Elam's
+farm! Why, jest the idee on't would, I believe, stunt Amanda Bobbet, or
+else throw her into spazzums.
+
+For she has always felt dretful proud of their farm, and the size of it;
+she has always said that it come hard on Elam to do all the work
+himself on such a big farm. She has acted haughty.
+
+And then, if I could have took Amanda by the hand, and sez--
+
+"Here, Amanda, is one house that covers as much ground as your hull
+farm!"
+
+I believe she would have fell right down in a coniption fit.
+
+But Amanda wuzn't there; I had only my faithful pardner to share my
+emotions, as I went into one of its four great entrances, under its
+triumphal arches, each one bein' 40 feet wide and 80 feet high--as long
+as from our house to the back pasture.
+
+The idee! the idee!
+
+Why, to change my metafor a little about the bigness of this buildin',
+so's to let foreign nations git a little clearer idee of the size on't,
+I will state--
+
+This one house is bigger than all those of Jonesville, and Loontown, and
+Shackville, and Zoar. It is the biggest house on this planet. Whether
+they have got any bigger ones in Mars, or Jupiter, or Saturn, I don't
+know; but I will say this--if they have, and the Marites, and
+Jupiterians, and Satens, are made up as we be, and calculate to go
+through the buildin's, I am sorry for their legs.
+
+It faces the lake, in plain view of all admirin' mariners, the long row
+of arches, and columns; is ornamented beyend anything that Jonesville
+ever drempt of, or Zoar, and a gallery fifty feet wide runs all round
+the buildin'; and from this gallery runs eighty-six smaller galleries,
+so nothin' hinders folks from lookin' down into the big hall below, and
+seein' the gorgeous seen of the Exposition, and the immense throng of
+people admirin' it.
+
+As Josiah and I wuz a-wendin' along on the gallery a-frontin' the lake,
+I heard a man--he looked some like a minister, too--say to another one,
+sez he, "The style of this buildin' is Corinthian."
+
+[Illustration: "This Buildin' is Corinthian."]
+
+And I spoke right up, bein' determined that Josiah and I too should be
+took for what we wuz--good, Bible-readin' Methodists.
+
+I said to Josiah, but loud enough so that the man should hear--
+
+"The New Testament hain't got a better book in it than Corinthians--it
+is one of my favorites; I am glad that this buildin' takes after it."
+
+He looked kinder dumfoundered, and then he looked tickled; he see that
+we wuz congenial, though we met only as two barks that meet on the
+ocean, or two night-hawks a-sailin' past each other in the woods at
+Jonesville.
+
+But true it is that a good-principled person is always ready to stand by
+his colors.
+
+But the crowd swept us on, and we wuz divided--he to carry his good,
+solid principles out-doors, and disseminate 'em under the open sky; I to
+carry mine inside that immense--immense buildin'.
+
+Why, a week wouldn't do justice at all to this buildin'--you ort to come
+here every day for a month at least, and then you wouldn't see a half or
+a quarter of what is in it.
+
+Why, to stand and look all round you, and up and down the long aisles
+that stretch out about you on every side, you feel some as a ant would
+feel a-lookin' up round it in a forest, (I mean the ant "Thou sluggard"
+went to, not your ma's sister.)
+
+Fur up, fur up the light comes down through the immense skylight, so it
+is about like bein' out-doors, and in the night it is most as light as
+day, for the ark lights are so big that, if you'll believe it, there are
+galleries of 'em up in the chandliers, and men a-walkin' round in 'em
+a-fixin' the lights look like flies a-creepin' about. The idee!
+
+And the exhibits in that buildin' are like the sands of the sea for
+number, and it would be harder work to count 'em if you wuz a-goin' to
+tackle the job, for they hain't spread out smooth, like sea sand, but
+are histed up into the most gorgeous and beautiful pavilions, fixed off
+beyend anything you ever drempt on, or read of in Arabian Nights, or
+anywhere else.
+
+They wuz like towerin' palaces within a palace, and big towers all
+covered with wonderful exhibits, and cupalos, and peaks, and scollops,
+and every peak and every scollop ornamented and garnished beyend your
+wildest fancy.
+
+The United States don't make such a big show as Germany duz, right
+acrost, but come to look clost, you'll see that she holds her own.
+
+Why, Tiffany's and Gorham's beautiful pavilion, that rises up as a sort
+of a centre piece to the United States exhibit, some think are the most
+beautiful in the hull Exposition.
+
+Big crowds are always standin' in front of that admirin'ly; the
+decoration and colorin' are perfect.
+
+The pavilions of the different nations tower up in all their grandeur
+that their goverments could expend on 'em, and they rival each other in
+beauty; but private undertakin's show off nobly.
+
+There wuz one man who sells stoves who has built a stove as big as a
+house--put electric lights in it, to show off its name, and he asks
+folks to step into the stove, which is a pavilion, to see what he has to
+sell.
+
+[Illustration: He asks folks to step into the stove.]
+
+And then one man--a trunk-maker--has made a glass trunk as big as a
+house, and shows off his exhibits there.
+
+And take the thousands and thousands of pavilions and pagodas on every
+side of you, and every one of 'em filled with thousands and millions of
+beautiful exhibits, and you can see what a condition your head would be
+in after a half a day in that buildin', let alone your legs.
+
+Some think that the German Pavilion is the most notable of any. Never
+wuz such iron gates seen in this country, a-towerin' up twenty feet
+high, and ornamented off in the most elaborate manner, and high towers
+crowned by their gold eagles; and high up in the back is a majestic
+bronze Germania. On either side, and in the centre, are other wonderful
+pavilions. If you go through these gates you will want to stay there a
+week right along, examinin' the world of objects demandin' your
+attention--marvellous tapestry, porcelain, paintin', statuary,
+furniture, hammered iron, copper, printin', lithographin', etc., and
+etcetry.
+
+It wuz here that we see the Columbian diamond, a blue brilliant, the
+finest diamond at the Exposition.
+
+The French pavilion is a dream of beauty. It rises up in white,
+marble-like beauty, not excelled by any country, it seems to me, and is
+filled with the very finest things to be found in the French shops, and
+that is sayin' the finest in the world.
+
+Here are beautiful figgers in wax, wearin' the most magnificent dresses
+you ever hearn on--Papa, Mama, Grandma, Baby, and Nurse--all fitted out
+in clothes suitable, and the hite of beauty and elegance.
+
+Why, in goin' through this section you can jest imagine the most
+beautiful and perfect things you ever hearn on in dress, furniture,
+jewelry, etc., etc., and multiply 'em by one hundred, and then you
+wouldn't figger out the result half gorgeous enough.
+
+Why, it is insured for ten millions, and it is worth it. I wouldn't take
+a cent less for it--not a cent; and so I told Josiah.
+
+Why, there is one baby's cradle worth thirty-one thousand dollars, and a
+vase at twenty thousand, and a parasol at two thousand five hundred, and
+other things accordin'--the idee!
+
+The Gobelin tapestries that are loaned by the French Goverment are
+absolutely priceless.
+
+Austria's big pavilion has her double eagles reared up over it; it
+stands up sixty-five feet high, and is full of splendor.
+
+Bohemian glass in every form and shape bein' one of its best exhibits,
+and terry-cotty figgers, and beautiful gifts of Honor loaned by the
+Emperor, and etc.
+
+And you can tell the Russian pavilion as fur as you can see it by its
+dark, strong architecture.
+
+Along the outer court runs a long platform ornamented with urns and
+vases of hewn marble and other hard stuns, from the exile mines of
+Siberia.
+
+I wondered how many tears had wet the stuns as they wuz hewn out.
+
+But, howsumever, the Russians did well; their enamel in this exhibit is
+the best shown anywhere. They are dretful costly, but not any too much
+for the value of 'em. They don't want to cheat America, the Russians
+don't--they remember the past.
+
+One giant punch-bowl of gilt enamel is claimed to be the finest thing of
+the kind ever done in the Empire.
+
+Their bronzes are wonderful--there is vigor and life in 'em. A Laplander
+in his sledge, drawn by reindeers over the frozen sea, and a dromedary
+and his driver on the sandy desert, shows plain how fur the Zar's
+dominions extend.
+
+A Laplander killin' a seal in a ice hole--Two horses a-goin' furiously,
+tryin' to drag a sleigh away from pursuin' wolves--Mounted
+Cossacks--Farmers ploughin' the fields--A woman ridin' a farm horse,
+with a long rake in her hand--
+
+A woman standin' on tiptoe to kiss her Cossack as he bends from his
+saddle--A rough rider out on the steepes a-catchin' a wild horse.
+
+After ten or twelve acres of Nymphs and Venuses in bronze, these are
+real refreshin' to see, and a change. And in furs and such their display
+is magnificent.
+
+Russia shows eight hundred schools in the Liberal Art Department, and
+it is here that the beautiful pieces of embroidery made by the larger
+scholars for Mrs. Grover Cleveland are displayed.
+
+No, Russia don't forgit the past.
+
+And the display of laces in the Belgian exhibit is sunthin' to remember
+for a hull lifetime, and its pottery, and gems, and bronzes. And the
+exhibit of Switzerland, though not so large as some of the rest, is
+uneek. Their exhibit is all surrounded by a panorama of the Alps, the
+high mountains a-lookin' down into the peaceful valley, with its arts
+and industries.
+
+Great Britain don't make so much show in her pavilions and in showin'
+off her things; but come to examine it clost, and you'll see, as is
+generally the case with our Ma Country, the sterling, sound qualities of
+solid worth.
+
+Her immense display of furniture, jewelry, and all objects of art and
+industry are worth spendin' weeks over, and then you'd want to stay
+longer.
+
+They don't make any attempt at display in pavilions and show winders.
+But in the plain, rich cases you find some of the most wonderful and
+gorgeous works of man.
+
+I spoze, mebby, as is the nater of showin' off, the Ma Country felt some
+as if she wuz right in the family, and she and her daughter America
+hadn't ort to dress up and try to put on so many ornaments as the
+visitors.
+
+I make a practice of that myself, to try to not dress up quite so
+ornamental as my company duz.
+
+But for solid worth and display, as I say, Great Britain and the United
+States are where they always are--in the first rank.
+
+But, speakin' of the visitors of the nation, if you want to git a good
+sight of 'em, jest stand in the clock tower, which looms up in the
+centre of the forty-acre buildin', as high as a Chicago house (and that
+is sayin' enough for hite), and you'll see all round you all the nations
+of the earth.
+
+The guests of the nation occupy the place of honor, as they ort to.
+
+Lookin' down, you see the flags of Great Britain, France, Germany,
+Russia, Austria, Japan, India, Switzerland, Persia, Mexico, etc., etc.,
+etc.
+
+Wall, Josiah wanted to go up to the top of the buildin' on the elevator,
+and though I considered it resky, I consented, and would you believe
+it--I don't suppose you will--but to look down from that hite, human
+bein's don't look much larger than flies. There they wuz, a-creepin'
+round in their toy-house fly-traps; it wuz a sight never to be forgot
+as long as Memory sets upon her high throne.
+
+Wall, as I said, in them pavilions and gorgeous glass cases in that vast
+buildin' you can find everything from every country on the globe.
+
+Everything you ever hearn on, and everything you ever didn't hearn on,
+from the finest lace to iron gates and fences--
+
+From big, splendid rooms, all furnished off in the most splendid manner
+with the most gorgeous draperies and furniture, to a tiny gold and
+diamond ring for a baby, and everything else under the sun, moon, and
+stars, from a pill to a monument.
+
+Pictures, and statuary, and bronzes, and every other kind of beautiful
+ornament, that makes you fairly stunted with admiration as you look on
+'em.
+
+At one place a silver fountain wuz sendin' up constantly a spray of the
+sweetest perfume, and when I first looked at it, Josiah wuz a-holdin'
+his bandana handkerchief under it, and he wuz a-dickerin' with the girl
+that stood behind it as to what such a fountain cost, and where he could
+git the water to run one.
+
+Sez he, "I'd give a dollar bill to have such a stream a-runnin' through
+our front yard."
+
+I hunched him, and sez I, "Keep still; don't show your ignorance. It
+hain't nateral water; it is manafactured."
+
+"Wall, all water is manafactured! Dum it, the stream that runs through
+our beaver medder is made somehow, or most probable it wouldn't be
+there."
+
+But I drawed him away and headed him up before some lovely dresses--the
+handsomest you ever see in your life--all trimmed with gold and pearl
+trimmin'. The price of that outfit wuz only twenty thousand dollars.
+
+And when I mentioned how becomin' such a dress would become me, I see by
+his words and mean that he had forgot the fountain.
+
+The demeanin' words that he used about my figger would keep females back
+from matrimony, if they knew on 'em.
+
+But I won't tell. No, indeed!
+
+And then there wuz all sorts of art work on enamel and metal, and all
+sorts of dazzlin' jewelry that wuz ever made or thought on, and all the
+silverware that wuz ever hearn or drempt of--why, jest one little
+service of seven pieces cost twenty thousand dollars.
+
+In Tiffany's gorgeous display wuz a case that illustrated the arts in
+Ireland in the fourteenth century.
+
+They said that it contained a tooth of St. Patrick. Mebbe it wuz his
+tooth; I can't dispute it, never havin' seen his gooms.
+
+Then there wuz a Latin book of the eighth century, containin' the four
+gospels; and in another wuz St. Peter's cross, they said. Mebby it wuz
+Peter's!
+
+And every kind of silk fabric that wuz ever made--raw silk, jest as the
+worm left it when she sot up as a butterfly, and jest what man has done
+to it after that--spinnin', weavin', dyein'--up to the time when it
+appears in the finest ribbon, and glossiest silk, and crapes, and
+gauzes, and velvets, and knit goods of every kind, and etc., and so
+forth.
+
+And every kind of cloth, and felt, and woollen, and carpets enough to
+carpet a path clear from Chicago to Jonesville for me and Josiah to go
+home in a triumphal procession, if they had felt like it.
+
+In front of the French section I see another statute of the Republic.
+
+She wuz a-settin' down. Poor creeter, she wuz tired; and then agin she
+had seen trouble--lots of it.
+
+Her left arm was a-restin' firm on a kind of a square block, with "The
+Rights of Man" carved on it, and half hidin' them words wuz a sword,
+which she also held in her left hand.
+
+The rights of Man and a sword wuz held in one hand, jest as they always
+have been.
+
+But, poor creeter! her right arm wuz gone--her good right hand wuz
+nowhere to be seen.
+
+I don't like to talk too glib about the judgments of Providence. The bad
+boys don't always git drownded when they go fishin' Sundays--they often
+git home with long strings of trout, and lick the good boys on their way
+home from Sunday-school. Such is real life, too oft.
+
+But I couldn't help sayin' to Josiah--
+
+"Mebby if they had put onto that little monument she holds, 'The Rights
+of Man and Woman'--mebby she wouldn't had her arm took off."
+
+But anyway, judgment or not, anybody could see with one eye how
+one-sided, and onhandy, and cramped, and maimed, and everything a
+Republic is who has the use of only one of her arms. Them that run could
+read the great lesson--
+
+"Male and female created He them."
+
+Both arms are needed to clasp round the old world, and hold it
+firm--Justice on one side, Love on the other.
+
+I felt sorry for the Republic--sorry as a dog.
+
+But that wuz the first time I see her. The next time she had had her arm
+put on.
+
+I guess Uncle Sam done it. That old man is a-gittin' waked up, and
+Eternal Right is a-hunchin' him in the sides.
+
+She wuz a-holdin' that right arm up towards the Heavens; the fingers wuz
+curved a little--they seemed to be begenin' to sunthin' up in the sky to
+come down and bless the world.
+
+Mebby it wuz Justice she wuz a-callin' on to come down and watch over
+the rights of wimmen. Anyway, she looked as well agin with both arms on
+her.
+
+Amongst the wonders of beauty in the French exhibit we see that vase of
+Gustave Dore's. That attracted crowds of admirers the hull time; it
+stood up fifteen feet high, and every inch of it wuz beautiful enough
+for the very finest handkerchief pin!
+
+There wuz hundreds of figgers from the animal and vegetable kingdom, and
+Mythology--cupids, nymphs, birds, and butterflies disportin' themselves
+in the most graceful way, and such beautiful female figgers!--Venuses as
+beautiful as dreams, and over all, and through all, wuz a-trailin' the
+rich clusters of the vine.
+
+The figgers seemed at first sight to kind o' encourage wine-makin' and
+wine-drinkin'. But look clost, and you'd see on one side, workin' his
+stiddy way up through the fairy landscape, up through the gay
+revellers, a venemous serpent wuz a-creepin'.
+
+He wuz bound to be there, and Venus or Nymph, or any of 'em that touched
+that foamin' wine, had to be stung by his deadly venoms. Mr. Dore made
+that plain.
+
+Wall, we tried to the best of our ability to not slight a single
+country, but I'm afraid we did; I tried to act the part of a lady and
+pay attention to the hull on 'em, but I'm afraid that fifty or sixty
+countries had reason to feel that we slighted 'em; but I hope that this
+will explain matters to 'em.
+
+I felt that I hadn't done justice to our own country and our Ma Country,
+not at all; but when you jest think how big the United States is, and
+how many firms try to show off in every county of every State--why, it
+tires anybody jest to think on't; and Great Britain too; for, as I
+thought, what good duz visitors do when their brain is a-reelin' under
+their head-dresses, and stove-pipe hats! And truly that wuz our
+condition before we fairly begun to go through the countries.
+
+Beautiful works of art--marvellous exhibits to the right of us, to the
+left of us, and before us and behind us--forty-five acres on 'em. What
+wuz two small pair of eyes and four ears to set up aginst this
+colossial and imeasureable show!
+
+We went till we wuz ready to drop down, and then Josiah sez, "Less take
+the rest of the grandeur for granted, and less go somewhere and git a
+cup of tea, and a nip of sunthin' to eat."
+
+I said sunthin' about hurtin' the different countries feelin's by not
+payin' attention to 'em.
+
+And he sez, "Dum it all, I don't know as it would make 'em any happier
+to have two old folks die on their hands; and I feel, Samantha, that the
+end is a-drawin' near," sez he.
+
+He did look real bad. So we went to the nearest place and got a cup of
+tea, and rested a spell, and when we come back we kinder left the
+Manafactures part, and tackled the Liberal part, and I declare that wuz
+the best of all by fur.
+
+That wuz enough to lift up anybody's morals, and prop 'em up strong, to
+see how much attention is paid to education and trainin' right from the
+nursery up--devolipin' the mind and the body.
+
+It wuz some as if the Manafactures part tended to the house and
+clothin', and this part tended to the livin' soul that inhabited it.
+
+It wuz dretful interestin' to see everything about devolipin' the
+strength and muscle in gymnasiums, skatin', rowin', boatin', and every
+other way. Food supply and its distribution, school kitchens. How to
+make buildin's the best way for health and comfort for workin'men,
+school-housen, churches, and etc. How to heat and ventilate housen, how
+to keep the sewers and drains all right, and how neccessary that is!
+Some folkses back doors are a abomination when their front doors are
+full of ornament.
+
+All kinds of instruction in infant schools, kindergartens; domestic and
+industrial trainin' for girls, models for teachin' and cookery,
+housework, dressmakin', etc.; how neccessary this is to turn out girls
+for real life, so much better than to have 'em know Greek, but not know
+a potatoe from a turnip; to understand geology, but not recognize a
+shirt gusset from a baby's bib!
+
+Books, literature, examples of printin' paper, bindin', religion,
+natural sciences, fine arts, school-books, newspapers, library
+apparatus, publications by Goverment, etc.
+
+And wuzn't it a queer coincidence? that right where books wuz all round
+me, right while my eyes wuz sot on 'em--
+
+I hearn a voice I recognized. It wuz a-givin' utterance to the words I
+had heard so often--
+
+"Two dollars and a half for cloth--three for sheep, and four for
+morocco."
+
+I turned, and there she wuz; there stood Arvilly Lanfear. She wuz in
+front of a good, meek-lookin' freckled woman, a-canvassin' her.
+
+Or, that is, she wuzn't exactly applyin' the canvas to her, but she wuz
+a-preparin' her for it.
+
+It seemed that she had been introduced to her, and wuz a-goin' to call
+on her the next day with the book.
+
+Sez I, advancin' onto her, "Arvilly Lanfear, did you really git here
+alive and well?"
+
+"Wall," sez she, "I shouldn't have got here, most likely, if I wuzn't
+alive, and I never wuz so well in my life, in body and in sperits.
+Hain't it glorious here?" sez she.
+
+"Yes," sez I; and, sez I, "Arvilly, did you walk afoot all the way
+here?"
+
+And then she went on and related her experience.
+
+She said that she wuz five weeks on her way, and made money all the way
+over and above her expenses. She walked the most of the way.
+
+She wuz now a-boardin' with a old acquaintance at five dollars a week,
+and she canvassed three days in the week, and come three days to the
+Fair, and more'n paid her way now.
+
+Sez I, "Arvilly, you look better than I ever knew you to look; you look
+ten years younger, and I don't know but 'leven."
+
+Sez I, "Your face has got a good color, and your eyes are bright." Sez
+I, "You hain't enjoyin' sech poor health as you did sometimes in
+Jonesville, be you?"
+
+Sez she, "I never wuz so well before in my life!"
+
+Sez I, "You've somehow got a different look onto you, Arvilly." Sez I,
+"Somehow, you look more meller and happy."
+
+"I be happy!" sez she.
+
+Sez I, "I spoze you are still a-sellin' the same old book, the 'Wild,
+Wicked, and Warlike Deeds of Man'?"
+
+She kinder blushed, and, sez she, "No; I have took up a new work."
+
+"What is it?" sez I, for she seemed to kinder hang back from tellin',
+but finally she sez, "It is the 'Peaceful, Prosperous, and Precious
+Performances of Man.'"
+
+"Wall," sez I, "I'm glad on't. Men should be walked round and painted on
+all sides to do justice to 'em.
+
+"'Im real glad that you're a-goin' to canvas on his better side,
+Arvilly."
+
+"Yes," sez she, "men are amiable and noble creeters when you git to
+understand 'em."
+
+The change in her mean and her sentiments almost made my brain reel
+under my slate-colored straw bunnet, and my knees fairly trembled under
+my frame.
+
+And, sez I, "Arvilly, explain to a old and true friend the change that
+has come onto you."
+
+So we withdrew our two selves to a sheltered nook, and there the story
+wuz onfolded to me in perfect confidence, and it _must_ be _kep._ I will
+tell it in my own words, for she rambles a good deal in her talk, and
+that is, indeed, a fault in female wimmen.
+
+Thank Heaven! I hain't got it.
+
+It seems that when she sot out for the World's Fair with the "Wild,
+Wicked, and Warlike Deeds of Man," she had only a dollar in her pocket,
+but hoards and hoards of pluck and patience.
+
+She canvassed along, a-walkin' afoot--some days a-makin' nothin' and
+bein' clear discouraged, and anon makin' a little sunthin', and then
+agin makin' first rate for a day or two, as the way of agents is.
+
+Till one day about sundown--she hadn't seen a house for milds back--she
+come to a little house a-standin' back on the edge of a pleasant strip
+of woods. A herd of sleek cows and some horses and some sheep wuz in
+pastures alongside of it, and a little creek of sparklin' water run
+before it, and she went over a rustic bridge, up through a pretty front
+yard, into a little vine-shaded porch, and rapped at the door.
+
+Nobody come; she rapped agin; nobody made a appearance.
+
+But anon she hearn a low groanin' and cryin' inside.
+
+So, bein' at the bottom one of the kindest-hearted creeters in the
+world, but embittered by strugglin' along alone, Arvilly opened the door
+and went in. She went through a little parlor into the back room, and
+wuzn't that a sight that met her eyes?
+
+A good-lookin' man of about Arvilly's age laid there all covered with
+blood and fainted entirely away, and on his breast wuz throwed the form
+of a little lame girl all covered with blood, and a-cryin' and
+a-groanin' as if her heart would break.
+
+She thought her Pa wuz dead.
+
+It seemed that he had cut his head dretfully with a tree branch
+a-fallin' onto it, and had jest made out to git to the house before he
+fainted; and his little girl, havin' never seen a faint, thought it wuz
+death; and it _is_ its first cousin.
+
+Wall, here wuz a place for Arvilly's patience, and pluck, and faculty,
+to soar round in.
+
+The first thing, she took up the little lame girl in her arms--a sweet
+little creeter of five summers--and sot her in a chair, and comforted
+her by tellin' her that her Pa would be all right in a few minutes.
+
+And she then, (and I don't spoze that she had ever been nigher to a
+good-lookin' man than from three to five feet,) but she had to lift up
+his head and wash the blood from the clusterin' brown hair, with some
+threads of silver in it, and tear her own handkerchief into strips to
+bind up his wounds; and she had some court-plaster with her and other
+neccessaries, and some good intment, and she is handy at everything,
+Arvilly is.
+
+Wall, by the time that a pair of good-lookin' blue eyes opened agin on
+this world, Arvilly had got the pretty little girl all washed and
+comforted, and a piller under his head; and the minute his blue eyes
+opened a spark flew out of 'em right from that piller that kindled up a
+simultanous one in the cool gray orbs of Arvilly.
+
+Wall, although he had his senses, he couldn't move or be moved for a day
+and a half. He didn't want nobody sent for, and Arvilly dassent leave
+'em alone to go; so as a Christian she had to take holt and take care on
+'em.
+
+Wall, Arvilly always wuz, and always will be, I spoze, as good a
+housekeeper and cook as ever wuz made.
+
+So I spoze it wuz a sight to see how quick she got that disordered
+settin'-room to lookin' cozy and home-like, and a good supper on a table
+drawed up to the side of the little lame girl.
+
+And I spoze that it wuz one of the strangest experiences that ever took
+place on this planet, and I d'no as they ever had any stranger ones in
+Mars or Jupiter. Arvilly had to kinder feed the invalid man, Cephus
+Shute by name--had to kinder kneel down by him and hold the plate and
+teacup, and help him to eat.
+
+And, strange to say, Arvilly wuzn't skairt a mite--she ruther enjoyed it
+of the two; for before two days wuz over she owned up that if there wuz
+any extra good bits she'd ruther he'd have 'em than to have 'em herself.
+
+[Illustration: And, strange to say, Arvilly wuzn't skairt a
+mite--she ruther enjoyed it.]
+
+The world is full of miracles; Sauls breathin' out vengeance are dropped
+down senseless by the power of Heaven.
+
+Pilgrim Arvilly's displayin' abroad the "Wild, Wicked, and Warlike Deeds
+of Man" are struck down helpless and mute by the power of Love.
+
+In less than three days she had promised to marry Cephus in the Fall.
+
+He had a good little property--his wife had been dead two years. His
+hired girl--a shiftless creeter--had flown the day Arvilly got there,
+and nothin' stood in the way of marriage and happiness.
+
+Arvilly's heart yearned over the little girl that had never walked a
+step, and she loved her Pa, and the Pa loved her.
+
+When she sot off from there a week later--for she wuz bound to see the
+Fair, and quiltin' had to be done, and clothin' made up before marriage,
+no matter how much Cephus plead for haste--he had got well enough to
+carry her ten milds to the cars, and she had come the rest of the way by
+rail; and she said, bein' kinder sick of canvassin' for that old book,
+she had tackled this new one, and wuz havin' real good luck with it.
+
+Wall, I wuz tickled enough for Arvilly, and I made up my mind then and
+there to give her a good linen table-cloth and a pair of new woollen
+sheets for a weddin' present, and I subscribed for the "Precious
+Performances" on the spot. I didn't spoze that I should care much about
+readin' "The Peaceful, Prosperous, and Precious Performances of Man"--
+
+But I bought it to help her along. I knew that she would have to buy her
+"true so" (that is French, and means weddin' clothes), and I thought
+every little helped; but she said that it wuz "A be-a-u-tiful book, so
+full of man's noble deeds."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "you know that I always told you that you run men too
+much."
+
+"But," sez she, "I never drempt that men wuz such lovely creeters."
+
+"Oh, wall," sez I, "as for that, men have their spells of loveliness,
+jest like female mortals, and their spells of actin', like the old
+Harry."
+
+"Oh, no," sez she; "they are a beautiful race of bein's, almost
+perfect."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "I hope your opinion will hold out." But I don't spoze it
+will. Six months of married life--dry days, and wet ones, meals on time,
+and meals late, insufficient kindlin' wood, washin' days, and cleanin'
+house will modify her transports; but I wouldn't put no dampers onto
+her.
+
+I merely sez, "Oh, yes, Arvilly, men are likely creeters more'n half the
+time, and considerable agreeable."
+
+"Agreeable!" sez she; "they're almost divine." Arvilly always wuz most
+too ramptious in everything she undertook; she never loved to wander
+down the sweet, calm plains of Megumness, as I do.
+
+And then I spoze Cephus made everything of her, and it wuz a real rarity
+to her to be made on and flattered up by a good-lookin' man.
+
+But well he might make of her--he will be doin' dretful well to git
+Arvilly; she's a good worker and calculator, and her principles are like
+brass and iron for soundness; and she's real good-lookin', too,
+now--looks 'leven years younger, or ten and a half, anyway.
+
+But jest as Arvilly and I wuz a-withdrawin' ourselves from each other, I
+sez,
+
+"Arvilly, have you been to the Fair Sundays?"
+
+"No," sez she; "I didn't lay out to, for I could go week days. 'The
+Precious Performances' yields money to spare to take me there week days,
+and you know that I only wanted it open for them that couldn't git there
+any day but Sundays. And also," sez she honestly,
+
+"I talked a good deal, bein' so mad at the Nation for makin' such
+dretful hard work partakin' of a gnat, and then swallerin' down Barnum's
+hull circus, side-shows and all.
+
+"Why didn't the Nation shet up the saloons?" sez she, in bitter axents.
+"Folks can have their doubts about Sunday openin' bein' wicked, but the
+Lord sez expressly that 'no drunkard can inherit Heaven.' The nation wuz
+so anxious to set patterns before the young--why wuzn't it afraid to
+turn human bein's into fiends before 'em, liable to shoot down these
+dear young folks, or lead 'em into paths worse than death?
+
+"And it wuz so anxious to show off well before foreign nations. Wuz it
+any prettier sight to reel round before 'em, drunk as a fool,
+a-committin' suicide, and rapinin', and murder, and actin'? I wuz so
+mad," sez Arvilly, "that I felt ugly, and spoze I talked so."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "they've acted dretful queer about Sunday openin', take
+it from first to last.
+
+"But," sez I, reasonably, "takin' such a dretful big thing onto their
+hands to manage would be apt to make folks act queer.
+
+"I spoze," sez I, fallin' a little ways into oritory--"I spoze that if
+Josiah and me had took a rinosterhorse to board durin' the heated
+term, our actions would often be termed queer by our neighbors. To begin
+with, it's bein' such new business to us, we shouldn't know what to feed
+it, to agree with its immense stomach; we should, I dare presoom to say,
+try experiments with it before we got the hang of its feed, and peek
+through the barn doors dretful curious at it to see how it wuz a-actin',
+and how its food wuz agreein' with it.
+
+"We shouldn't dast to ride it to water, or holler at it, as if it wuz a
+calf; and if it should happen to break loose, Heaven knows what we
+should do with it!
+
+"And I spoze every fence would be full of neighbors a-standin' safe on
+their own solid premises, a-hollerin' out to us what to do, and every
+one on 'em mad as hens if we didn't foller their directions.
+
+"Some on 'em hollerin' to us to mount up on it and ride it back into the
+barn, when they knew that it would tear us to pieces if we went nigh it
+when it wuz mad. And some on 'em orderin' us to git rid of it. And how
+could we dispose of a ragin' rinosterhorse at a minute's notice? And
+some on 'em a-yellin' at us to kill it. How could we kill it, when the
+creeter didn't belong to us?
+
+"And some on 'em, not realizin' that our rinosterhorse boardin' wuz new
+business to us, and we wuz liable to make mistakes, standin' up on the
+ruff of their own barns, safe and sound, a-readin' the Bible to us and
+warnin' us, and we tuggin' away and swettin' with this wild creeter on
+our hands, and tryin' to do the best we could with it.
+
+"And then, right on top of this, Jonesville might serve a injunction
+onto us, that we had no right to let such a dangerous creeter into the
+precincts of Jonesville; and then we, feelin' kinder sorry, mebby, that
+we had ondertook the job, tried to git rid on't; and the rinosterhorse
+owner serves another injunction on us, makin' us keep it, sayin' that
+he'd paid its board in advance, and that he wouldn't take it back.
+
+"And there we would be, all wore out with our job, and not pleasin'
+nobody, nor nothin', but makin' the hull caboodle mad as hens at us; and
+we a-not meanin' any hurt, none of the time, a-meanin' well towards
+Jonesville and rinosterhorses. Wouldn't we be in a situation to be
+pitied, Arvilly?"
+
+"Yes," sez she, "it is jest so as I tell you; Cephus sez that he won't
+wait a minute longer than September."
+
+I see how it wuz--she hadn't hearn a word of my remarkable eloquence.
+Like all the rest, she had vivid idees about Sunday closin'; but come to
+the p'int, her own affairs wuz of the most consequence. She forgot all
+about the struggles of the Directors in their efforts to do what wuz
+right and best, in thoughts of Cephus.
+
+But I considered it human nater, and forgive her. Wall, after Arvilly
+left me, I returned agin to the sights in the noble Liberal Arts
+Department, and see everything else that wuz riz up and helpful; and
+finding out everything about the land and sea, the Heavens, and depths
+below the earth and seas.
+
+And oh, what queer, queer feelin's that sight gin me; they hain't to be
+described upon, and I hain't a-goin' to try to; it would be too
+much--too much for the public to hear about it, and for me to record
+'em; though there wuz plenty of weights, measures, and balances, if I
+had tried to tackle the job of weighin' 'em.
+
+Now, what I have said of the liberal part, and especially of the
+trainin' of the young, you can see plain that it wuz as much more
+interestin' than the manafactures part as the soul is superior to the
+body, or eternity is longer than time.
+
+So, the world bein' such a sort of a curious place, it didn't surprise
+me a mite to see that this department, that wuz the most important in
+the hull Columbian World's Fair, wuz dretful cramped for room, and
+kinder put away upstairs.
+
+For, as I sez to myself, the old world has such dretful curious kinks in
+it, it didn't surprise me a mite to have this department sort o'
+squeezed into the end o' one buildin', and upstairs kinder, while the
+display for horned cattle covered over sixty acres.
+
+A good many farmers are as careful agin of their blooded stock as they
+are of the welfare of their wives and children.
+
+They will put work and hardship on the mother of their children that
+they wouldn't think of darin' to venture with their cows with a
+pedigree, for they would say, such overwork will injure the calf.
+
+How is it with their own children, when the delicate mother does all the
+household drudgery of a farm, and milks seven or eight cows night and
+mornin'?
+
+Toilin' till late bedtime, gettin' up before half rested, and takin' up
+agin the hard toil till the little feeble child-life is born into the
+world.
+
+How is it with the mother and the child?
+
+For answer, I refer you to countless newspaper files, under the headin'
+of "mysterious dispensations of Providence," and to old solitary
+churchyards, and to the insane statisticks of the country.
+
+The bereaved husband, a-blamin' Providence, but takin' some comfort in
+the thought that "the Lord loveth whom He chasteneth," walks out under
+his mournin' weed, and pats the sleek sides of his Alderney cow, and its
+fat, healthy young one, and ponders on how he could improve their
+condition, and better the stock, and mebby has passin' thoughts on some
+bloomin' young girl, who he could persuade to try the fate of the first.
+
+And he'll have no trouble in doin' so--not at all; putty is hard in
+comparison to wimmin's heads and hearts, sometimes.
+
+But I am, indeed, eppisodin', and to resoom, and proceed.
+
+In this world, where the material, the practical, so oft overshadows
+the spiritual, it didn't surprise me a mite to have this noble--noble
+liberal art display crowded back by less riz up and exalted ones.
+
+And oh, what curious things we did see in this Hall of Wonders--curious
+as a dog, and curiouser.
+
+The New South Wales exhibit in the west gallery is awful big, and
+divided into five courts, and all full of Beauty and Use.
+
+These Australians are pert and kinder sassy; they look on our country as
+old, and wore out--some as we look at our Ma Country.
+
+But their exhibit is a wonderful one--exhibit of their mines, that they
+say are a-goin' to be the richest in the World.
+
+And lots of pictures showin' their strange, melancholy Australian
+scenery.
+
+And their big trees. Why, one of these trees, they say, is the biggest
+yet discovered in the World; it is 400 and 80 feet high.
+
+And it wuz here that I see the very queerest thing that I ever did see
+in my life; it wuz in their collection of strange stuffed birds, and
+animals which wuz large, and complete, and rangin' from the Emu down to
+a pure white hummin'-bird.
+
+It wuz here that I see this Thing that Scientists hain't never
+classified; it is about the size of a beaver--has fur like a seal, eyes
+like a fish, is web-footed, lays eggs, and hatches its young and lives
+in the water.
+
+It is called a Platypus--there wuz four on 'em.
+
+Queer creeter as I ever see. No wonder that Scientists furled their
+spectacles in front of it, and sot down discouraged.
+
+Wall, we hung round there till most night, and Josiah and I went home as
+tired as two dogs, and tireder. And we both gin in that we hadn't seen
+nothin' to what we might have seen there; as you may say, we hadn't done
+any more justice to the contents of that buildin' than we would if we
+had undertook to count the slate-stuns in our old creek back of our
+house clear from Jonesville to Zoar--- more'n five miles of clear
+slate-stun. What could we do to it in one day?
+
+But fatigue and hunger--on Josiah's part, a prancin' team--bore us away,
+and we went home in pretty good sperits after all, though some late.
+
+Miss Plank had a good supper. We wuz late, but she had kept it warm for
+us--some briled chicken, and some green peas, and a light nice puddin',
+and other things accordin'; and Josiah _did_ indeed do justice to it.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+
+Wall, the next day after our visit to the Manafactures and Liberal Arts
+Buildin', I told Josiah to-day I wouldn't put it off a minute longer, I
+wuz goin' to see the Convent of La Rabida; and sez I, "I feel mortified
+and ashamed to think I hain't been before." Sez I, "What would
+Christopher Columbus say to think I had slighted him all this time if he
+knew on't!"
+
+And Josiah said "he guessed I wouldn't git into any trouble with
+Columbus about it, after he'd been dead four hundred years."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "I don't spoze I would, but I d'no but folkses feelin's
+can be hurt if their bodies have moved away from earth. I d'no anything
+about it, nor you don't, Josiah Allen."
+
+"Wall," he said, "he wouldn't be afraid to venter it."
+
+He wanted to go to the Live-Stock Exhibit that day--wanted to like a
+dog.
+
+But I persuaded him off the notion, and I don't know but I jest as soon
+tell how I done it.
+
+I see Columbus's feelin's wouldn't do, and so forth, nor sentiment, nor
+spirituality, don't appeal to Josiah Allen nothin' as vittles do.
+
+So I told him, what wuz indeed the truth, that a restaurant was nigh
+there where delicious food could be obtained at very low prices.
+
+He yielded instantly, and sez he, "It hain't hardly fair, when
+Christopher is the cause of all these doin's, that he should be slighted
+so by us."
+
+And I sez, "No, indeed!" so we went directly there by the nearest way,
+which wuz partly by land and partly by water; and as our boat sailed on
+through the waves under the brilliant sunshine and the grandeur of
+eighteen ninety-three, did it not make me think of Him, weary,
+despairin', misunderstood, with his soul all hemmed in by envious and
+malicious foes, so that there wuz but one open path for him to soar in,
+and that wuz upward, as his boat crept and felt its way along through
+the night, and storm, and oncertainty of 1492.
+
+Wall, anon or about that time, we drew near the place where I wanted to
+be.
+
+The Convent of La Rabida is a little to the east of Agricultural Hall, a
+sort of a inlet lake that feeds a long portion of the grand canal.
+
+A promontory is formed by the meetin' of the two waters, and all round
+this point of land, risin' to a height of twenty-two feet, is a rough
+stun wall.
+
+This wall is a reproduction of the dangerous coast of Spain, and back on
+this rise of ground can be seen the Convent of La Rabida, a fac-simile,
+or, as you might say, a similer fact, a exact reproduction of the
+convent where Columbus planned out his voyage to the new world.
+
+Yes, within these walls wuz born the great and darin' scheme of
+Columbus--a great birth indeed; only next to us in eternal consequences
+to the birth in the manger.
+
+It stands jest as it ort to, a-facin' the risin' sun.
+
+A low, eight-sided cupalo surmounts the choir space inside the chapel,
+and above the nave rises the balcony.
+
+On three sides of a broad, open court are the lonesome cloisters in
+which the Monks knelt in their ceaseless prayers.
+
+The chapel floor is a little higher than the court and cloisters, and is
+paved with bricks.
+
+It wuz at this very convent door that Columbus arrived heart-sore and
+weary after seven years' fruitless labor in the cause he held so clost
+to his heart.
+
+Seven long years that he had spent beggin' and importunin' for help to
+carry out his Heaven-sent visions.
+
+A livin' light shinin' in his sad eyes, and he couldn't git anybody else
+to see it.
+
+The constant washin' of new seas on new shores, and he couldn't git
+anybody to hear 'em.
+
+A constant glow, prophetic and ardent, longin' to carry the religion of
+Christ into a new land that he knew wuz a-waitin' him, but everybody
+else deaf and dumb to his heart-sick longin's.
+
+Oh, I thought to myself as I stood there, if that poor creeter could
+only had a few of the gorgeous banners that wuz waved out to the air,
+enough to clothe an army; if he could have only had enough of 'em to
+made him a hull shirt; if he could have had enough of the banquets
+spread to his memory, enough to feed all the armies of the earth; if he
+could have a slice of bread and a good cup of tea out of 'em, how glad I
+would be, and how glad he would have been!
+
+But it wuzn't to be, it wuzn't to be.
+
+Hungry and in rags, almost naked, foot-sore, heart-sore, he arrived at
+the convent gate, to ask food and shelter for himself and child.
+
+[Illustration: Almost naked, foot-sore, heart-sore, he arrived at
+the convent gate.]
+
+It wuz here that he found an asylum for a few years, carryin' on his
+plans, makin' out new arguments, stronger, mebby, than he had argued
+with for seven stiddy years, and I should a thought them old arguments
+must have been wore out.
+
+It wuz in one of the rooms of the convent that he met the Monks in
+debate, and also argued back and forth with Garcia Fernandez and Alonzo
+Penzen, gettin' the better of Alonzo every time, but makin' it up to him
+afterwards by lettin' him command one of the vessels of his fleet. It
+wuz from here the superior of the convent, won over by Columbuses
+eloquence, went for audience with the Queen, and from it Columbus wuz
+summoned to appear at court.
+
+In this very convent he made his preparations for his voyage, and on the
+mornin' he sailed from Palos he worshipped God in this little chapel.
+What visions riz up before his eyes as he knelt on the brick floor of
+that little chapel, jest ready to leave the certainty and sail out into
+the oncertainty, leavin' the oncertainty and goin' out into the
+certainty!
+
+A curious prayer that must have been, and a riz up one.
+
+In that prayer, in the confidence and aspiration of that one man, lay
+the hull new world. The hope, the freedom, the liberty, the
+enlightenment of a globe, jest riz up on the breath of that one prayer.
+
+A momentious prayer as wuz ever riz up on earth.
+
+But the stun walls didn't give no heed to it, and I dare say that Alonzo
+and the rest wuz sick a-waitin' for him, and wanted to cut it short.
+
+Yes, Columbus must have had emotions in this convent as hefty and as
+soarin' as they make, and truly they must have been immense to gone
+ahead of mine, as I stood there and thought on him, what he had done and
+what he had suffered.
+
+Why, I had more'n a hundred and twenty-five or thirty a minute right
+along, and I don't know but more.
+
+When I see them relics of that noble creeter, paper that he had had his
+own hand on, that his own eyes had looked at, his own brain had
+dictated, every one of 'em full of the ardentcy and earnestness of his
+religion--why, they increased the number and frequency of my emotions to
+a almost alarmin' extent.
+
+[Illustration: Manuscripts]
+
+Here are twenty-nine manuscripts all in his own hand.
+
+They are truly worth more than their weight in gold--they are worth
+their weight in diamonds.
+
+Amongst the most priceless manuscripts and documents is the original of
+the contract made with the Soverigns of Spain before his first voyage,
+under which Columbus made his first voyage to America.
+
+The most remarkable contract that wuz ever drawn, in which the Soverigns
+of Spain guaranteed to Columbus and his heirs forever one eighth of all
+that might be produced of any character whatever in any land he might
+discover, and appinted him and his descendants perpetual rulers over
+such lands, with the title of Viceroy.
+
+I looked at the contract, and then thought of how Columbus died in
+poverty and disgrace, and now, four hundred years after his death, the
+world a-spendin' twenty million to honor his memory.
+
+A sense of the folly and the strangeness of all things come over me like
+a flood, and I bent my head in shame to think I belonged to a race of
+bein's so ongrateful, and so lyin', and everything else.
+
+I thought of that humble grave where a broken heart hid itself four
+hundred years ago, and then I looked out towards that matchless White
+City of gorgeous palaces riz up to his honor four hundred years too
+late; and a sense of the futility of all things, the pity of it, the
+vanity of all things here below, swept over me, and instinctively I lay
+holt of my pardner's arm, and thought for a minute I must leave the
+buildin'; but I thought better on't, and he thought I laid holt of his
+arm as a mark of affection. And I didn't ondeceive him in it.
+
+Then there is Columbuses commission as Admiral of the Ocean Seas.
+
+His correspondence with Ferdinand and Isabella before and after his
+discovery, and a host of other invaluable papers loaned by the Spanish
+Goverment and the living descendants of Columbus in Spain. And there is
+pieces of the house his father-in-law built for him--a cane made from
+one of the jistes, and the shutters of one of the windows. Columbuses
+own hand may have opened them shutters! O my heart! think on't.
+
+And then there wuz the original copy of the first books relatin' to
+America, over one hundred of 'em, obtained from the Vatican at Rome, and
+museums, and libraries, in London, and Paris, and Madrid, and
+Washington, D.C. They are writ by Lords, and Cardinals, and Bishops, way
+back as fur as fourteen hundred and ninety-three.
+
+Then there wuz quaint maps and charts of the newly discovered country,
+lookin' some as our first maps would of Mars, if the United States had
+made up its mind to annex that planet, and Uncle Sam had jest begun to
+lay it out into countries.
+
+Then there are the portraits of Columbus. Good creeter! it seemed a pity
+to see so many of 'em--his enemies might keep right on abusin' him, and
+say that he wuz double-faced, or sixty or eighty faced, when I know, and
+they all ort to know, that he wuz straightforward and stiddy as the sun.
+Poor creeter! it wuz too bad that there should be so many of 'em.
+
+[Illustration (handwritten in the illustration): These are my authentic
+portraits! Ch. Columbus, Esq. mp]
+
+[Illustration: Poor creeter! it wuz too bad that there should be so
+many of 'em.]
+
+Then there are models and photographs of statutes and monuments of him,
+and the very stun and clay that them tall monuments is made of, mebby
+they are the very stuns that hurt his bare feet, and the clay the very
+same his tears had fell on, as he'd throw himself down heart-weary on
+his lonesome pilgrimages. I dare presoom to say that he would lay his
+head down under some wayside tree and cry--I hain't a doubt on't.
+
+When I thought it over, how much had been said about Columbus even
+durin' the last year in Jonesville and Chicago, to say nothin' about the
+rest of the world, it wuz a treat indeed to see the first printed
+allusion that wuz ever made to Columbus, about three months after
+Columbus arrived in Portugal, March fifteenth, fourteen hundred and
+ninety-three. It was writ by Mr. Carvugal, Spanish Cardinal.
+
+In it Mr. Carvugal says--
+
+"And Christ placed under their rule (Ferdinand and Isabella) the
+Fortunate Islands."
+
+I sez to Josiah, "I guess if Mr. Carvugal was sot down here to-day, and
+see what he would see here, he would be apt to think indeed they wuz
+Fortunate Islands."
+
+But as I said that I heard a voice a-sayin'--
+
+"Who is Mr. Carvugal, Samantha?"
+
+I recognized the voice, and I sez, "Why, Irena Flanders, is it you? I
+have been to see you; I hearn you wuz sick."
+
+"Yes," sez she, "I wuz beat out, and I thought I couldn't stand it; but
+I feel better to-day, so we have been to the Forestry Buildin', and
+thought we would come in here."
+
+But I see that she didn't feel as I did about the immortal relics, but
+she kinder pretended to, as folks will; and Elam and Josiah went to
+talkin' about hayin', and wondered how the crops wuz a-gittin' along in
+Jonesville. But I kep on a-lookin' round and listenin' to Irena's
+remarks about her symptoms with one half of my mind, or about half, and
+examinin' the relics with the other half.
+
+There wuz a little Latin book with queer wood-cuts, "Concernin' Islands
+lately discovered," published in Switzerland in 1494; under the title it
+begun--"Christopher Colum--"
+
+It made me mad to hear that good, noble creeter's name cut off and
+demeaned, and I told Irena so.
+
+And she sez, "That's what little Benjy calls our old white duck; his
+name is Columbus, but he calls it Colum."
+
+She is a great duck-raiser; but I didn't thank her for alludin' to
+barn-yard fowls in such a time as this.
+
+Wall, there wuz the first life of Columbus ever writ, by his son
+Farnendo.
+
+And a book relatin' to the namin' of America. I thought it would been a
+good plan if there had been a few more about that, and had named it
+Columbia--jest what it ort to be, and not let another man take the honor
+that should have been Christopher's.
+
+But I meditated on what a queer place this old world wuz, and how
+nateral for one man to toil and work, and another step in and take the
+pay for it; so it didn't surprise me a mite, but it madded me some.
+
+Then there wuz the histories of the different cities where he wuz born,
+and the different places where his bones repose.
+
+Poor creeter! they fit then because they didn't want his bones, and they
+starved him so that he wuzn't much besides bones, and they didn't want
+his bones anyway, and they put chains onto them poor old bones, and led
+'em off to prison.
+
+And now hull cities and countries would hold it their chief honor to lie
+about it, and claim the credit of givin' 'em burial. O dear suz! O dear
+me!
+
+Wall, there wuz one of the anchors, and the canvas used by Columbus on
+board his flag-ship.
+
+The very canvas that the wind swelled out and wafted the great
+Discoverer. O my heart, think on't!
+
+And then there wuz the ruins of the little town of Isabella, the first
+established in the new world, brung lately from San Domingo by a
+man-of-war.
+
+And then there wuz the first church bell that ever rung in America,
+presented to the town of Isabella by King Ferdinand.
+
+Oh, if I could have swung out with that old bell, and my senses could
+have took in the sights and seens the sound had echoed over! What a
+sight--what a sight it would have been!
+
+Ringin' out barbarism and ringin' in the newer religion; ringin' out, as
+time went on, old simple ways, and idees--mebby bringin' in barbarous
+ways; swingin' back and forth, to and fro; ringin' in now, I hope and
+pray, the era of love and justice, goodwill to man and woman.
+
+Wall, I wuz almost lost in my thoughts in hangin' over that old bell. It
+had took me back into the dim old green forest isles and onbroken
+wilderness, when I heard a bystander a-sayin' to another one--"There is
+Columbuses relations; there is the Duke of Veragua."
+
+And on lookin' up, I indeed see Columbuses own relation on his own side,
+with his wife and daughter.
+
+The relation on Columbuses side wuz a middlin' good-lookin' and a
+good-natered lookin' man, no taller than Josiah, with blue eyes, gray
+hair, and short whiskers.
+
+[Illustration: Columbuses own relation on his own side, with his
+wife and daughter.]
+
+His wife wuz a good-lookin', plump woman, some younger apparently than
+he wuz, and the daughter wuz pretty and fresh-lookin' as a pink rose.
+
+I liked their looks first rate.
+
+And jest the minute my eyes fell on 'em, so quick my intellect moves, I
+knew what was incumbent on me to do.
+
+It wuz my place, it would be expected of me--I must welcome them to
+America; I must, in the name of my own dignity, and the power of the
+Nation, gin 'em the freedom of Jonesville. I must not slight them for
+their own sakes, and their noble ancestors.
+
+One human weakness might be discovered in me by a clost observer in that
+rapt hour: I didn't really know how to address the wife of the Duke.
+
+And I whispered to Irena Flanders, and, sez I, "If a man is a duke, what
+would his wife be called?" Sez I, "She'd feel hurt if I slighted her."
+
+And sez she, "If one is a duke, the other would naterally be called a
+drake."
+
+I knew better than that--she hain't any too smart by nater, and her mind
+runs to fowls, what there is of it.
+
+But my Josiah heard the inquiry, and sez he--
+
+"I should call her a duck;" and he continued, with his eyes riveted on
+the beautiful face of the Duke's daughter--
+
+"That pretty girl is a duck, and no mistake."
+
+But I sez, "Hush; that would be too familiar and also too rural."
+
+I hain't ashamed of the country--no, indeed, I am proud on't; still I
+knew that it wuz, specially in June, noted for its tender greenness.
+
+And sez I, "I'll trust to the hour to inspire me; I'll sail out as his
+great ancestor did, and trust to Providence to help me out."
+
+So I advanced onto 'em, and I thought, as I went, if you call a man by
+the hull of his name he hadn't ort to complain; so I sez with a deep
+curchey--I knew a plain curchey wouldn't do justice to the occasion.
+
+So I gracefully took hold of my alpaca skirt with both hands and held it
+out slightly, and curchied from ten to fourteen inches, I should judge.
+
+I wanted it deep enough to show the profound esteem and honor in which I
+held him, and not deep enough so's to give him the false idee that I wuz
+a professional dancer, or opera singer, or anything of that sort.
+
+I judged that my curchey wuz jest about right.
+
+[Illustration: "I salute you in the name of Jonesville and
+America."]
+
+Imegatly after my curchey I sez, "Don Christobel Colon De Toledo De La
+Cerda Y Gante," and then I paused for breath, while the world waited--
+
+"I welcome you to this country--I salute you in the name of Jonesville
+and America."
+
+And then agin I made that noble, beautiful curchey.
+
+He bowed so low that if a basin of water had been sot on his back it
+would have run down over his head.
+
+Sez I, "The man in whose veins flows a drop of the precious blood of the
+Hero who discovered us is near and dear to the heart of the new world."
+
+Sez I, "I feel that we can't do too much to honor you, and I hereby
+offer you the freedom of Jonesville."
+
+And sez I, "I would have brung it in a paper collar box if I'd thought
+on't, but I hope you will overlook the omission, and take it verbal."
+
+Agin he bowed that dretful perlite, courteous bow, and agin I put in
+that noble curchey.
+
+It wuz a hour long to be remembered by any one who wuz fortunate enough
+to witness it; and sez he--
+
+"I am sensible of the distinguished honor you do me, Madam; accept my
+profound thanks."
+
+I then turned to his wife, and sez I, "Miss Christobel Colon Toledo
+Ohio--"
+
+I got kinder mixed up here by my emotions, and the efforts my curcheys
+had cost me; I hadn't ort to mentioned the word Ohio.
+
+But I waded out agin--"De La Cerda Y Gante--
+
+"As a pardner of Columbus, and also as a female woman, I bid you also
+welcome to America in the name of woman, and I tender to you also the
+freedom of Jonesville, and Loontown, and Zoar.
+
+"And you," sez I, "Honorable Maria Del Pillow Colon Y Aguilera--
+
+"You sweet little creeter you, I'd love to have you come and stay with
+me a week right along, you pretty thing." Sez I, "How proud your Grandpa
+would be of you if he wuz here!"
+
+My feelin's had carried me away, and I felt that I had lost the formal,
+polite tone of etiquette that I had intended to carry on through the
+interview.
+
+But she wuz so awful pretty, I couldn't help it; but I felt that it wuz
+best to terminate it, so I bowed low, a-holdin' out my alpaca skirt
+kinder noble in one hand and my green veil in the other, some like a
+banner, and backed off.
+
+They too bowed deep, and sorter backed off too. Oh, what a hour for
+America!
+
+Josiah put out his arm anxiously, for I wuz indeed a-movin' backwards
+into a glass case of relics, and the great seen terminated.
+
+Miss Flanders and Elam had gone--they shrunk from publicity. I guess
+they wuz afraid it wuz too great a job, the ceremony attendin' our
+givin' these noble foreigners the freedom of our native town.
+
+But they no need to. A willin' mind makes a light job.
+
+It had been gin to 'em, and gin well, too.
+
+Wall, Josiah and I didn't stay very much longer. I'd have been glad to
+seen the Princess sent out from Spain to our doin's, and I know she will
+feel it, not seein' of me.
+
+She wuzn't there, but I thought of her as I wended my way out, as I
+looked over the grandeur of the seen that her female ancestor had
+rendered possible.
+
+Thinkses I, she must have different feelin's from what her folks did in
+fourteen hundred.
+
+Then how loath they wuz to even listen to Columbuses pathetic appeals
+and prayers! But they did at last touch the heart of a woman. That woman
+believed him, while the rest of Spain sneered at him. Had she lived,
+Columbus wouldn't have been sent to prison in chains. No, indeed! But
+she passed away, and Spain misused him. But now they send their
+royalties to meet with all the kings and queens of the earth to bow down
+to his memory.
+
+As we wended out, the caravels lay there in the calm water--the Santa
+Maria, the Pinta, and the Nina, all becalmed in front of the convent.
+
+No more rough seas in front of 'em; they furl their sails in the
+sunlight of success.
+
+All is glory, all is rejoicing, all is praise.
+
+Four hundred years after the brave soul that planned and accomplished it
+all died heart-broken and in chains, despised and rejected by men,
+persecuted by his enemies, betrayed by his friends.
+
+True, brave heart, I wonder if the God he trusted in, and tried to
+honor, lets him come back on some fair mornin' or cloudless moonlight
+evenin', and look down and see what the nations are sayin' and doin' for
+him in eighteen hundred and ninety-three!
+
+I don't know, nor Josiah don't.
+
+But as I stood a-thinkin' of this, the sun come out from under a cloud
+and lit up the caravels with its golden light, and lay on the water like
+a long, shinin' path leadin' into glory.
+
+And a light breeze stirred the white sails of the Santa Maria, some as
+though it wuz a-goin' to set sail agin.
+
+And the shadders almost seemed alive that lay on the narrer deck.
+
+After we left La Rabida, Josiah wanted to go and see the exhibit called
+Man and his Works.
+
+Sez he, "I'll show you now, Samantha, what _our_ works are. I'll show
+you the most beautiful and august exposition on the grounds."
+
+Sez he, "You boasted high about wimmen's doin's, and they wuz fair," sez
+he, "what I call fair to middlin'. But in this you'll see grandeur and
+True Greatness."
+
+Josiah didn't know a thing about the show, only what he gathered from
+its name; and feelin' as he did about himself and his sect, he naterally
+expected wonders.
+
+So, leanin' on the arm of Justice, I accompanied him into the buildin',
+which wuzn't fur from La Rabida.
+
+But almost the first room we went into, Josiah almost swooned at the
+sight, and I clung to his arm instinctively. There we wuz amongst more
+than three thousand skeletons and skulls.
+
+Why, the goose pimples that rose on me didn't subside till most night.
+
+And in the very next room wuz a collection of mummies, the humbliest
+ones that I ever sot my eyes on in my hull life--two or three hundred on
+'em, from Peru, Utah, New Mexico, Egypt, British Columbia, etc., etc.
+
+When Josiah's eyes fell onto 'em, my poor pardner sez, "Samantha, less
+be a-goin'."
+
+Sez I, "Are you satisfied, Josiah Allen, with the Works of Man?"
+
+And he advised me strong--"Not to make a luny and a idiot of myself."
+
+And sez he, "Dum it all, why do they call it the works of man? There is
+as many wimmen amongst them dum skeletons as men, I'll bet a cent."
+
+Wall, we went into another room and found a very interestin'
+exhibit--the measurements of heads: long-headed folks and short-headed
+ones; and measurements of children's heads who wuz educated, and the
+heads of savage children, showin' the influence that moral trainin' has
+on the brains of boys and girls.
+
+Wall, it would take weeks to examine all we see there--the remains of
+the Aborigines, the Greeks, the Romans, the Egyptians. We could see by
+them relics how they lived--their religions, their domestic life, their
+arts, and their industries.
+
+And then we see photographs by the hullsale of mounds and ruins from all
+over the world.
+
+Why, we see so many pictures of ruins, that Josiah said that "he felt
+almost ruined."
+
+And I sez, "That must come from the inside, Josiah. It hadn't ort to
+make you feel so."
+
+And then we see all sorts of things to illustrate the games that these
+old ruined folks used to play, and their religions they believed
+in--idols, and clay altars, and things; and once, when I wuz a-tryin' to
+look calm at the very meanest-lookin' idol that I ever laid eyes on,
+
+Sez Josiah, "The folks that would try to worship such a lookin' thing as
+that ort to be ruined."
+
+And I whispered back, "If the secret things that folks worship to-day
+could be materialized, they would look enough sight worse than this."
+Sez I, "How would the mammon of Greed look carved in stun, or the beast
+of Intemperance?"
+
+"Oh!" sez he, "bring in your dum temperance talk everywhere, will you? I
+should think we wuz in a bad enough place here to let your ears rest,
+anyway."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "then don't run down folks that couldn't answer back for
+ten thousand years."
+
+But truly we wuz in a bad place, if humbliness is bad, for them idols
+did beat all, and then there wuz a almost endless display of amulets,
+charms, totems, and other things that they used to carry on their
+religious meetin's with, or what they called religion.
+
+And then we see some strange clay altars containin' cremated human
+bein's.
+
+Here Josiah hunched me agin--
+
+"You feel dretful cut up if you hear any one speak aginst these old
+creeters, but what do you think of that?" sez he, a-pintin' to the burnt
+bodies. Sez he, "Most likely them bodies wuz victims that wuz killed on
+their dum altars--dum 'em!"
+
+"Yes," sez I, "but we of the nineteenth century slay two hundred
+thousand victims every year on the altar of Mammon, and Intemperance."
+
+"Keep it up, will you--keep a preachin'!" sez he, and his tone wuz
+bitter and voyalent in the extreme.
+
+And here he turned his back on me and went to examine some of the
+various games of all countries, such as cards, dice, dominoes, checkers,
+etc., etc.
+
+[Illustration: Josiah turned his back on me.]
+
+Which shows that in that savage age, as well as in our too civilized
+one, amusements wuz a part of their daily life.
+
+Wall, it wuz all dretful interestin' to me, though Skairfulness wuz
+present with us, and goose pimples wuz abroad.
+
+And out-doors the exhibit wuz jest as fascinatin'.
+
+Along the shores of the pond are grouped tribes of Indians from North
+America. They live in their primitive huts and tents, and there we see
+their rude boats and canoes. New York contributes a council house and a
+bark lodge once used by the once powerful Iroquois confederation.
+
+And, poor things! where be they now? Passed away. Their canoes have gone
+down the stream of Time, and gone down the Falls out of sight.
+
+But to resoom.
+
+Wall, seein' they wuz right there, we went to see the ruins of
+Yucatan--they wuz only a few steps away.
+
+Now, I never had paid any attention to Yucatan. I had always seen it on
+the map of Mexico, a little strip of land a-runnin' out into the water,
+and washed by the waves on both sides. But, good land! I would have paid
+more attention to it if I had known that down deep under its forests,
+where they had lain for more than a thousand years, wuz the ruins of a
+vast city, with its castles and monuments wrought in marble, and
+fashioned with highest beauty and art.
+
+Whose hands had wrought them marble columns, and carved facades?
+
+The silence of a thousand years lays between my question and its true
+answer.
+
+I can't tell who they wuz, where they come from, or where they went to.
+
+But the pieces of soulless stun remain for us to marvel over, when the
+livin' hands that wrought these have vanished forever.
+
+Curious, very.
+
+But mebby some magnetizm still hangs about them hoary old walls that has
+the power to draw their founders from their new home, wherever it is
+now.
+
+Mebby them old Yucatanners come down in a shadder sloop and lay off over
+aginst them ruins, and enjoy themselves first-rate.
+
+Here too is the city of the Cliff Dwellers--the most wonderful city I
+ever see or ever expect to see. There towers up a mountain made to look
+exactly like Battle Mountain, where these ruins are found--the homes and
+abidin' place of a race so much older than the Mexican and Peru old ones
+that they seem like folks of last week--almost like babies.
+
+The hull of these buildin's which is called Cliff Palace is over two
+hundred feet long, and the rooms look pretty much all alike. They wuz
+round rooms mostly, with a hole in the floor for a fireplace, and stun
+seats a-runnin' clear round the room, and I'd a gin a dollar bill if I
+could a seen a-settin' in them seats the ones that used to set there--if
+I could seen 'em sot down there in Jackson Park, and its marvels, and I
+could have hearn 'em tell what Old World wonders they had seen, and what
+they had felt and suffered--the beliefs of that old time; the laws that
+governed 'em, or that didn't govern 'em; their friends and their
+enemies; the strange animals that lurked round 'em; the wonderful
+flowers and vegetation--in short, if I could a sot down and neighbored
+with 'em, I would a gin, I believe my soul, as much as a dollar and
+thirty-five cents.
+
+The rooms are about six feet high, and they wuz like me in one
+thing--they didn't care so much for ornament as they did for solid
+foundation. The only ornament I see in any of the rooms wuz some kinder
+wavin' streaks of red paint. But, oh! how solid the housen wuz, how firm
+the underpinnin'.
+
+There wuz some stun towers and some winders, and oh! how I do wish I
+could seen what them Old Cliffers looked out on when they rested their
+arms on the stun winder sills and looked down on the deep valley below.
+
+Children a-lookin' out for pleasure mebby; older ones a-lookin' for
+Happiness and Ambition like as not, the aged ones a-leanin' their tired
+arms on the hard stun, while the settin' sun lit up their white locks,
+and a-lookin' for rest.
+
+The cliffs are a good many colors, and each a good-lookin' one.
+
+One thing struck me in all the housen, and made me think that though the
+Cliff Dwellers wuz older than Abraham or Moses, yet if I could see some
+of them female Cliffers I could neighbor with 'em like sisters.
+
+They did love closets so well, and that made 'em so congenial to me. I
+never had half closets enough, and I don't believe any woman did if she
+would tell the truth.
+
+There wuz sights of closets all closed up with good slab doors, some
+like grave-stuns.
+
+I shouldn't have liked that so well, to had to heave down that heavy
+slab every time that I wanted a teacup, but mebby they didn't drink tea.
+
+I spoze they kep their strange-lookin' pottery there, and I presoom the
+wimmen prided themselves on havin' more of them jars than a neighbor
+female Cliffer did. Then there are farmin' implements, and sandals, and
+leggins, and weapons, and baby boards--and didn't I wish that I could
+ketch sight of one of them babies!
+
+The bodies of the dead wuz wrapped in four different winders--first in
+fine cloth, then a robe of turkey feathers wove with Yucca fibre, then a
+mattin', and then a wrap made of reeds.
+
+The mummies found wrapped in these grave-clothes are more perfect than
+any found in Egypt, the hot, dry air of Colorado a-doin' its best to
+keep folks alive, and then after they are dead, a-keepin' 'em so as long
+as it can. There wuz one, a woman with pretty figure, and small hands
+and feet, and soft, light-colored hair. What wuz she a-thinkin' on as
+she done up that fore-top or braided that back hair?
+
+Did any hand ever lay on that soft, shinin' hair in caresses? I presoom
+more than like as not there had. Her mother's, anyway, and mebby a
+lover's, sence the fashion of love is older than the pyramids enough
+sight--old as Adam, and before that Love wuz. For Love thought out the
+World.
+
+By her side wuz a jar with some seeds in it--probable the hand of Love
+put it there to sustain her on her long journey.
+
+Wall, the centuries have gone by sence she sot out for the Land of
+Sperits, but the seeds are there yet. She didn't need 'em.
+
+These seeds are in good shape, but they won't sprout. That shows plain
+how much older these mummies are than the Egyptian ones, for the seeds
+found by them will sprout and grow, but these are too old--the life in
+the seeds is gone, as well as the life in the dead forms by 'em,
+centuries ago, mebby.
+
+Wall, it wuz a sight--a sight to see that city, and then to see
+a-windin' up the face of the cliff the windin' trail, and the little
+burros a-climbin' up slowly from the valley, and the strange four-horned
+sheep of the Navago herds a-grazin' amongst the high rocks.
+
+It wuz one of the most impressive sights of all the wonderful sights of
+the Columbus Fair, and so I told Josiah.
+
+Wall, seein' we wuz right there, we thought we would pay attention to
+the Forestry Buildin'.
+
+And if I ever felt ashamed of myself, and mortified, I did there; of
+which more anon.
+
+It wuz quite a big buildin', kinder long and low--about two and a half
+acres big, I should judge.
+
+Every house has its peculiarities, the same as folks do, and the
+peculiar kink in this house wuz it hadn't a nail or a bit of iron in it
+anywhere from top to bottom--bolts and pegs made of wood a-holdin' it
+together.
+
+Wall, I hadn't no idee that there wuz so many kinds of wood in the hull
+world, from Asia and Greenland to Jonesville, as I see there in five
+minutes.
+
+Of course I had been round enough in our woods and the swamp to know
+that there wuz several different kinds of wood--ellum and butnut, cedar
+and dog-wood, and so forth.
+
+But good land! to see the hundreds and thousands of kinds that I see
+here made anybody feel curious, curious as a dog, and made 'em feel,
+too, how enormous big the world is--and how little he or she is, as the
+case may be.
+
+The sides of the buildin' are made of slabs, with the bark took off, and
+the roof is thatched with tan-bark and other barks.
+
+The winder-frames are made in the same rustic, wooden way.
+
+The main entrances are made of different kinds of wood, cut and carved
+first-rate.
+
+All around this buildin' is a veranda, and supportin' its roof is a long
+row of columns, each composed of three tree trunks twenty-five feet in
+length--one big one and the other two smaller.
+
+These wuz contributed by the different States and Territories and by
+foreign countries, each sendin' specimens of its most noted trees.
+
+And right here wuz when I felt mad at myself, mad as a settin' hen, to
+think how forgetful I had been, and how lackin' in what belongs to good
+manners and politeness.
+
+Why hadn't I brung some of our native Jonesville trees, hallowed by the
+presence of Josiah Allen's wife?
+
+Why hadn't I brung some of the maples from our dooryard, that shakes
+out its green and crimson banners over our heads every spring and fall?
+
+Or why hadn't I brung one of the low-spreadin' apple-trees out of Mother
+Smith's orchard, where I used to climb in search of robins' nests in
+June mornin's?
+
+Or one of the pale green willers that bent over my head as I sot on the
+low plank foot-bridge, with my bare feet a-swingin' off into the water
+as I fished for minnies with a pin-hook--
+
+The summer sky overhead, and summer in my heart.
+
+Oh, happy summer days gone by--gone by, fur back you lay in the past,
+and the June skies now have lost that old light and freshness.
+
+But poor children that we are, we still keep on a-fishin' with our bent
+pin-hooks; we still drop our weak lines down into the depths, a-fishin'
+for happiness, for rest, for ambition, for Heaven knows what all--and
+now, as in the past, our hooks break or our lines float away on the
+eddies, and we don't catch what we are after.
+
+Poor children! poor creeters!
+
+But I am eppisodin', and to resoom.
+
+As I said to Josiah, what a oversight that wuz my not thinkin' of it!
+
+Sez I, "How the nations would have prized them trees!" And sez I,
+
+"What would Christopher Columbus say if he knew on't?"
+
+And Josiah sez, "He guessed he would have got along without 'em."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "what will America and the World's Fair think on't, my
+makin' such a oversight?"
+
+And he sez, "He guessed they would worry along somehow without 'em."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "I am mortified--as mortified as a dog."
+
+And I wuz.
+
+There wuzn't any need of makin' any mistake about the trees, for there
+wuz a little metal plate fastened to each tree, with the name marked on
+it--the common name and the high-learnt botanical name.
+
+But Josiah, who always has a hankerin' after fashion and show, he talked
+a sight to me about the "Abusex-celsa," and the "Genus-salix," and the
+"Fycus-sycamorus," and the "Atractylus-gummifera."
+
+He boasted in particular about the rarity of them trees. He said they
+grew in Hindoostan and on the highest peaks of the Uriah Mountains; and
+he sez, "How strange that he should ever live to see 'em."
+
+He talked proud and high-learnt about 'em, till I got tired out, and
+pinted him to the other names of 'em.
+
+[Illustration: He talked proud and high learnt about 'em.]
+
+Then his feathers drooped, and sez he, "A Norway spruce, a willer, a
+sycamore, and a pine. Dum it all, what do they want to put on such names
+as them onto trees that grow right in our dooryard?"
+
+"To show off," sez I, coldly, "and to make other folks show off who have
+a hankerin' after fashion and display."
+
+He did not frame a reply to me--he had no frame.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+
+
+I told Josiah this mornin' I wanted to go to the place where they had
+flowers, and plants, and roses, and things--I felt that duty wuz
+a-drawin' me.
+
+For, as I told him, old Miss Mahew wanted me to get her a slip of
+monthly rose if they had 'em to spare--she said, "If they seemed to have
+quite a few, I might tackle 'em about it, and if they seemed to be
+kinder scrimped for varieties, she stood willin' to swap one of her best
+kinds for one of theirn--she said she spozed they would have as many as
+ten or a dozen plants of each kind."
+
+And I thought mebby I could get a tulip bulb--I had had such poor luck
+with mine the year before.
+
+But sez I, "Mebby they won't have none to spare--I d'no how well they be
+off for 'em," but I spozed mebby I would see as many as a dozen or
+fifteen tulips, and as many roses.
+
+He kinder wanted to go and see the plows and horse-rakes that mornin',
+but I capitulated with him by sayin' if he would go there first with me,
+anon we would go together to the horse-rake house.
+
+So we sot out the first thing for the Horticultural Buildin', and good
+land! good land! when we got to it I wuz jest browbeat and frustrated
+with the size on't--it is the biggest buildin' that wuz ever built in
+the world for plants and flowers.
+
+And when you jest think how big the world is, and how long it has stood,
+and how many houses has been built for posies from Persia and Ingy, down
+to Chicago and Jonesville, then you will mebby get it into your head the
+immense bigness on't--yes, that buildin' is two hundred and sixty
+thousand square feet, and every foot all filled up with beauty, and
+bloom, and perfume. It faces the risin' sun, as any place for flowers
+and plants ort to. Like all the rest of the Exposition buildin's, it has
+sights of ornaments and statutes. One of the most impressive statutes I
+see there wuz Spring Asleep. It struck so deep a blow onto my fancy that
+I thought on't the last thing at night, and I waked up in the night and
+thought on't.
+
+There never wuz a better-lookin' creeter than Spring wuz, awful big
+too--riz way up lofty and grand, and hantin' as our own dreams of Spring
+are as we set shiverin' in the Winter.
+
+Her noble face wuz perfect in its beauty, and she sot there with her
+arms outstretched; and grouped all round her wuz beautiful
+forms--lovely wimmen, and babies, and children, all bound in slumber,
+but, as I should imagine, jest on the pint of wakin' up.
+
+I guess they wuz all a-dreamin' about the song of birds a-comin' back
+from the south land, and silky, pale green willers a-bendin' low over
+gurglin' brooks, and pink and white may-flowers a-hidin' under the leafy
+hollows of Northern hills, and the golden glow of cowslips down in the
+dusky brown shallows in green swamps, and white clouds a-sailin' over
+blue skies, and soft winds a-blowin' up from the South.
+
+They wuz asleep, but the cookoo's notes would wake 'em in a minute or
+two; and then I could see by their clothes that they wuz expectin'
+warmer weather. It wuz a very impressive statute. Mr. Tafft done his
+very best--I couldn't have done as well myself--not nigh. Wall, to go
+through that buildin' wuz like walkin' through fairyland, if fairyland
+had jest blown all out full of beauty and greenness.
+
+Right in the centre overhead, way up, way up, is a crystal ruff made to
+represent the sky, and it seems to be a-glitterin' in its crystal beauty
+way up in the clouds; underneath wuz the most beautiful pictures you
+ever see, or Josiah, or anybody. They wuz painted in Paris--not Paris in
+the upper end of Lyme County, but Paris in France, way over the billowy
+Atlantic; and under this magnificent dome wuz all kinds of the most
+beautiful palms, bamboos and tree ferns, with their shiny, feathery
+foliage, and big leaves. Why some of them long, feathery leaves wuz so
+big, if the tree wuz in the middle of our dooryard the ends of 'em
+would go over into the orchard--one leaf; the idee! Why, you would
+almost fancy you wuz in a tropical forest, as you looked up into the
+great feathery masses and leaves as big as a hull tree almost; and
+risin' right in the centre wuz a mountain sixty feet high all covered
+with tropical verdure; leadin' into it wuz a shady, cool grotto, where
+wuz all kinds of ferns, and exquisite plants, that love to grow in such
+spots.
+
+And way in through, a-flashin' through the cool darkness of the spot,
+you could see the wonderful rays of that strange light that has a soul.
+
+And if you will believe it--I don't spoze you will--but there is plants
+here grown by that artificial light--the idee!
+
+I sez to Josiah, "Did you ever see anything like the idee of growin'
+plants by lamplight?" and he sez--
+
+"It is a new thing, but a crackin' good one," and he added--
+
+"What can be done in one place can in another," and he got all excited
+up, and took his old account-book out of his pocket and went to
+calculatin' on how many cowcumbers he could raise in the winter down
+suller by the light of his old lantern.
+
+I discouraged him, and sez I, "You can't raise plants by the light of
+that old karsene lantern, and there hain't no room, anyway, in our
+suller."
+
+And he said, "He wuz bound to spade up round the pork barrel and try a
+few hills, anyway;" and sez he, dreamily, "We might raise a few
+string-beans and have 'em run up on the soap tub."
+
+But I made him put up his book, for we wuz attractin' attention, and I
+told him agin that we hadn't got the conveniences to home that they had
+here.
+
+He put up his book and we wended on, but he had a look on his face that
+made me think he hadn't gin up the idee, and I spoze that some good
+cowcumber seed will be wasted like as not, to say nothin' of karsene.
+
+Wall, all connected with this house is two big open courts, full and
+runnin' over with beauty and wonder; on the south is the aquatic garden,
+showin' all the plants and flowers and wonderful water growth.
+
+Here Josiah begun to make calculations agin about growin' flowers in our
+old mill-pond, but I broke it up.
+
+On the north court is a magnificent orange grove. Why, it makes you
+feel as though you wuz a-standin' in California or Florida, under the
+beautiful green trees, full of the ripe, rich fruit, and blossoms, and
+green leaves.
+
+Wall, the hull house, take it all in all, is such a seen of wonder, and
+enchantment, and delight, that it might have been transplanted, jest as
+it stood, from the Arabian nights entertainment.
+
+And you would almost expect if you turned a corner to meet Old Alibaby,
+or a Grand Vizier, or somebody before you got out of there.
+
+But we didn't; and after feastin' our eyes on the beauty and wonder
+on't, we sot off to see the rest of the flowers and plants, for we laid
+out when we first went to the World's Fair to see one thing at a time so
+fur as we could, and then tackle another, though I am free to confess
+that it wuz sometimes like tacklin' the sea-shore to count the grains of
+sand, or tacklin' the great north woods to count how many leaves wuz on
+the trees, or measurin' the waters of Lake Ontario with a teaspoon, or
+any other hard job you are a mind to bring up.
+
+But this day we laid out to see as much as we could of the immense
+display of flowers.
+
+But where there is milds and milds of clear flowers, what can you do?
+You can't look at every one on 'em, to save your life.
+
+Why, to jest give you a small idee of the magnitude and size, jest think
+of five hundred thousand pansies from every quarter of the globe, and
+every beautiful color that wuz ever seen or drempt of. You know them
+posies do look some like faces, and the faces look like "the great
+multitude no man could number," that we read about, and every one of
+them faces a-bloomin' with every color of the rainbow. And speakin' of
+rainbows, before long we did see one--a long, shinin', glitterin'
+rainbow, made out of pure pansies, of which more anon and bimeby.
+
+And then, think of seein' from five to ten millions of tulips. Why, I
+had thought I had raised tulips; I had had from twenty to thirty in full
+blow at one time, and had realized it, though I didn't mean to be proud
+nor haughty.
+
+But I knew that my tulips wuz fur ahead of Miss Isham's, or any other
+Jonesvillian, and I had feelin's accordin'.
+
+But then to think of ten millions of 'em--why, it would took Miss Isham
+and me more'n a week to jest count 'em, and work hard, too, all the
+time.
+
+Why, when I jest stretched out my eye-sight to try to take in them ten
+millions of globes of gorgeous beauty, my sperits sunk in me further
+than the Queen of Sheba's did before the glory of Solomon; I felt that
+minute that I would love to see Miss Sheba, and neighbor with her a
+spell, and talk with her about pride, and how it felt when it wuz
+a-fallin'. I could go ahead of her, fur, fur, and I thought I would have
+loved to own it up to her, and if Solomon had been present, too, I
+wouldn't have cared a mite--I felt humble. And I jest marched off and
+never said a word about gittin' a root for me or Miss Isham--I wuz
+fairly overcome.
+
+And still we walked round through milds and milds of solid beauty and
+bloom. Every beautiful posey I had ever hearn on, and them I had never
+hearn on wuz there, right before my dazzled eyes.
+
+The biggest crowd we see in the Horticultural Hall wuz round what you
+may call the humblest thing--a tree, something like old Bobbetses calf,
+with five legs.
+
+There wuz a fern from Japan, two separate varieties growin' together in
+one plant.
+
+There wuz Japanese dwarf trees one hundred years old and about as big as
+gooseberries.
+
+A travellin' tree from Madagascar wuz one of the most interestin' things
+to look at.
+
+And then there wuz a giant fern from Australia that measured thirty-two
+feet--the largest, so I wuz told, in Europe or America. Thirty-two feet!
+And there I have felt so good and even proud-sperited over my fern I
+took up out of our woods and brung home and sot out in Mother Smith's
+old blue sugar-bowl. Why, that fern wuz so large and beautiful, and
+attracted the envious and admirin' attention of so many Jonesvillians,
+that I had strong idees of takin' it to the Fair!
+
+Philury said she "hadn't a doubt of my gittin' the first prize medal
+on't." "Why," sez she, "it is as long as Ury's arm!" And it wuz. Miss
+Lum thought it would be a good thing to take it, to let Chicago and the
+rest of the world see what vegetation wuz nateral to Jonesville, feelin'
+that they would most likely have a deep interest in it.
+
+And Deacon Henzy thought "it might draw population there."
+
+And the schoolmaster thought that "it would be useful to the foreign
+powers to see to what height swamp culture had attained in the growth of
+its idigenious plants."
+
+I didn't really understand everything he said--there wuz a number more
+big words in his talk--but I presoom he did, and felt comforted to use
+'em.
+
+Why, as I said, I had boasted that fern wuz as long as my arm.
+
+But thirty-two feet--as high as Josiah, and his father, and his
+grandfather, and his great-grandfather, and his great-great-grandfather,
+and Ury on top.
+
+Where, where wuz my boastin'? Gone, washed away utterly on the sea of
+wonder and or.
+
+And then there wuz a century plant with a blossom stem thirty feet high,
+and a posey accordin', one posey agin as high as my Josiah, and his
+father, and etc., etc., etc., and Ury.
+
+Oh, good gracious! oh, dear me suz!
+
+That plant wuzn't expected to blow out in several years, but all of a
+sudden it shot up that immense stalk, up, up to thirty feet.
+
+It wuz as if the Queen of the Flowery Kingdom had come with the rest of
+the kings and princesses of the earth to the Columbus World's Fair.
+
+Had changed her plans to come with the rest of the royal family. It wuz
+a sight.
+
+Wall, after roamin' there the best part of two hours, I said to my
+companion, "Less go and see the Wooded Island." And he said with a deep
+sithe, "I am ready, and more than ready. The name sounds good to me. I
+would love to see some good plain wood, either corded up or in sled
+length."
+
+I see he wuz sick of lookin' at flowers, and I d'no as I could blame
+him; for my own head seemed to be jest a-turnin' round and round, and
+every turnin' had more colors than any rainbow you ever laid eyes on.
+
+He wuz dretful anxious to git out-doors himself. He said it wuz all for
+himself that he wuz hurryin' so.
+
+I d'no that, but I do know that in his haste to help me git out he
+stepped on my foot, and almost made a wreck of that valuable member.
+
+I looked bad, and groaned, and sithed considerable 'fore he got to the
+sheltered bench he'd sot out for.
+
+He acted sorry, and I didn't reproach him any.
+
+I only sez, "Oh, I don't lay it up aginst you, Josiah. It jest reminds
+me of Sister Blanker."
+
+And he sez, "I don't thank you to compare me to that slab-sided old
+maid."
+
+Sez I, "I believe she's a Christian, Josiah."
+
+And so I do. But sez I, "Folks must be megum even in goodness, Josiah
+Allen, and in order to set down and hold a half orphan in your arms, you
+mustn't overset yourself and come down on the floor on top of a hull
+orphan or a nursin' child.
+
+"You mustn't tromple so fast on your way to the gole as to walk over and
+upset two or three lame ones and paryletics."
+
+Sez I, "Do you remember my eppisode with Sister Blanker, Josiah?"
+
+He did not frame a reply to me, but sot off to look at sunthin' or
+ruther, sayin' that he would come back in a few minutes.
+
+And as I sot there alone Memory went on and onrolled her panorama in
+front of my eyeballs, about my singular eppisode with Drusilla Blanker.
+
+Sister Blanker is a good woman and a Christian, but she never so much as
+sot her foot on the fair plains of megumness, whose balmy, even climate
+has afforded me so much comfort all my life.
+
+No; she is a woman who stalks on towards goles and don't mind who or
+what she upsets on her way.
+
+She is a woman who a-chasin' sinners slams the door in the faces of
+saints.
+
+And what I mean by this is that she is in such a hurry to git inside the
+door of Duty (a real heavy door sometimes, heavy as iron), she don't see
+whether or not it is a-goin' to slam back and hit somebody in the
+forward.
+
+A remarkable instance of this memory onrolled on her panorama--a
+eppisode that took place in our own Jonesville meetin'-house.
+
+The session room where we go to session sometimes and to transact other
+business has got a heavy swing door. And everybody who goes through it
+always calculates to hold it back if there is anybody comin' behind 'em,
+for that door has been known to knock a man down when it come onto him
+onexpected and onbeknown to him.
+
+Wall, Sister Blanker wuz a-goin' on ahead of me one night; it wuz a
+charitable meetin' that we wuz a-goin' to--to quilt a bedquilt for a
+heathen--and she knew I wuz jest behind her--right on her tracts, as you
+may say, for we had sot out together from the preachin'-room, and we had
+been a-talkin' all the way there on the different merits of otter color
+or butnut for linin' for the quilt, and as to whether herrin'-bone
+looked so good as a quiltin' stitch as plain rib.
+
+She favored rib and otter; I kinder leaned toward herrin'-bone and
+butnut.
+
+We had had a agreeable talk all the way, though I couldn't help seein'
+she wuz too hard on butnut, and slightin' in her remarks on
+herrin'-bone.
+
+Anyway, she knew I wuz with her in the body; but as she ketched sight of
+the door that wuz a-goin' to let her in where she could begin to do
+good, her mind jest soared right up, and she forgot everything and
+everybody, and she let that door slam right back and hit me on my right
+arm, and laid me up for over five weeks.
+
+And I fell right back on Edna Garvin, and she is lame, and it knocked
+her over backwards onto Sally Ann Bobbetses little girl, and she fell
+flat down, and Miss Gowdey on top of her, and Miss Gowdey, bein'
+a-walkin' along lost in thought about the bedquilt, and thinkin' how
+much battin' we should need in it, and not lookin' for a obstacle in her
+path, slipped right up and fell forwards. Wall, a-tryin' to save little
+Annie Gowdey from bein' squashed right down, Miss Gowdey throwed herself
+sideways and strained her back. She weighs two hundred, and is
+loose-jinted.
+
+And she hain't got over it to this day. She insists on't that she
+loosened her spine in the affair.
+
+And I d'no but she did!
+
+But the child wuz gin up to die. So for weeks and weeks the Bobbetses
+and all of Sally Ann's relations (she wuz a Henzy and wide connected in
+the Methodist meetin'-house) had to give up all their time a-hangin'
+over that sick-bed.
+
+And the Garvins wuz mad as hens, and they bein' connected with most
+everybody in the Dorcuss Society--and it wuzn't over than above
+large--why, take it with my bein' laid up and the children havin' to be
+home so much, Sister Blanker in that one slam jest about cleaned out the
+hull Methodist meetin'-house.
+
+The quilt wuzn't touched after that night, and the heathen lay cold all
+winter, for all I know.
+
+I had all I could do to take care of my own arm, catnip and lobela
+alternately and a-follerin' after each other I pursued for weeks and
+weeks, and the pain wuz fearful.
+
+Sister Blanker wuz about the only one who come out hull, and she had
+plenty of time to set down and mourn over a lack of opportunities to do
+good, and to talk a sight about the lukewarmness of members of the
+meetin'-house in good works. And there they wuz to home a-sufferin', and
+it wuz her own self who had brung it all on.
+
+You see, as I have said more formally, in our efforts to march forwards
+to do good it is highly neccessary to see that we hain't a-tromplin' on
+anybody; and in order to help sinners in Africa it hain't neccessary to
+knock down Christians in New Jersey and Rhode Island, or to stomp onto
+professors in Maine.
+
+Howsumever, that is some folkses ways.
+
+Wall, I'd a been a-lookin' at the panorama with one half of my mind and
+admirin' the beauty round me with the other half.
+
+But at this minute--and it wuz lucky my eppisode had come to an end, for
+if there is anything I hate it is to be broke up in eppisodin'--my
+Josiah returned.
+
+In front of Horticultural Hall is a flower terrace for out-door exhibits
+of loveliness, and then in front of that is the beautiful, cool water,
+and down in the centre of that, below the terrace, and its beauty, and
+vases, is a boat-landin'. The water did look dretful good to me after
+lookin' at so many gorgeous colors--more than any rainbow ever boasted
+of, enough sight--it did seem good to me to look down into them cool
+waters; and I sez to my pardner--
+
+"The water does look dretful good and sort o' satisfyin', don't it,
+Josiah?"
+
+A bystander a-standin' by sez, "I guess if you would go into the south
+pavilion here and look at the display of wine you wouldn't talk about
+lookin' at water; why," sez he, "to say nothin' of the display of our
+own country, the exhibit of wine from France, Italy, Spain, and Germany
+is enough to set a man half crazy to look at."
+
+I looked at him coldly--his nose wuz as red as fire--and I sez, "I
+hain't got no call to look at wine.
+
+[Illustration: His nose wuz as red as fire.]
+
+"I wouldn't give a cent a barrel for the best there is there, if I had
+got to consoom it myself.
+
+"Though," sez I, reasonably, "I wouldn't object to havin' a pint bottle
+on't to keep in the house in case of sickness, or to make jell, or
+sunthin'.
+
+"But I will not go and encourage the makin' of such quantities as there
+is there, I will not encourage 'em in makin' that show."
+
+He looked mad, and sez he, "I guess they won't stop their show because
+you won't go and see it."
+
+"Probable not," sez I; but sez I, real eloquent, "I will hold up my
+banner afoot or on horseback."
+
+And then I sez to my husband, with quite a good deal of dignity--
+
+"Less proceed to the Wooded Island, Josiah Allen."
+
+But alas! for Josiah's hope of seein' sunthin' plain and simple. When we
+got there, that seemed to be the very central garden of the earth for
+flowers, and beauty, and bloom, and there it wuz that we see the most
+gorgeous rainbow--all made of pansies--glow and dazzlement.
+
+The island contains seventeen acres, and it stands on such a rise of
+ground, that every buildin' on the Fair ground can be seen plain.
+
+In the centre of the south end wuz the rose garden, where the choicest
+and most beautiful roses from all over the world bloom in their glowin'
+richness.
+
+When I thought how much store I had sot by one little monthly rose
+a-growin' in a old earthen teapot of Mother Allen's--and when it wuz
+all blowed out I had reason to be proud on't--
+
+But jest think of seein' fifty thousand of the choicest roses in the
+world, all a-blowin' out at one time.
+
+Why, I had a immense number of emotions.
+
+I thought of the ancient rose gardens we read of, and Solomon's Songs,
+and most everything.
+
+It wuz surrounded on all four sides with a wire trellis, with archways
+openin' on four sides, and all over these pretty trellises climbin'
+roses and honeysuckles, and all lovely climbin' plants covered it into
+four walls of perfect beauty.
+
+It wuz truly the World's Rose Garden.
+
+Well might Josiah say he wuz sick of flowers, and wanted to see some
+plain cord wood! Why, that day we see in one batch twenty thousand
+orchids, six thousand Parmee violets, and one man--jest one man--sent
+'leven hundred ivies and one thousand hydarangeas, and every flower you
+ever hearn on in proportion, let alone what all the other men all over
+the earth had sent.
+
+On the north side of the island Japan jest shows herself at her very
+best, and lets the world see her in a native village, and how she raises
+flowers, and makes shrubs and trees look curious as anything you ever
+see, and curiouser, too; all surrounded a temple where she keeps what
+she calls her religion, and lots of other things.
+
+Japan is one of the likeliest countries that are represented in
+Columbuses doin's. She wuz the first country to respond to the
+invitation to take part in it, and I spoze mebby that is the reason that
+Chicago gin her this beautiful place to hold her own individual doin's
+in. The temple is a gorgeous-lookin' one, but queer as anything--as
+anything I ever see.
+
+But then, on the other hand, I spoze them Japans would call the
+Jonesville meetin'-house queer; for what is strange in one country is
+second nater in another.
+
+This temple is built with one body and two wings, to represent the
+Phoenix--or so they say; the wood part wuz built in Japan and put up
+here by native Japans, brung over for that purpose.
+
+It is elaborate and gorgeous-lookin' in the extreme, and the
+gorgeousness a-differin' from our gorgeousness as one star differeth
+from a rutabaga turnip.
+
+Not that I mean any disrespect to Japan or the United States by the
+metafor, but I had to use a strong one to show off the difference.
+
+In one wing of the temple is exhibited articles from one thousand to
+four thousand years old--old bronzes, and arms, and first attempts at
+pottery and lacquer.
+
+Some of these illustrate arts that are lost fur back in the past--I d'no
+how or where, nor Josiah don't.
+
+In the other wing are Japan productions four hundred years old, showin'
+the state of the country when Columbus sot out to discover their
+country; for it wuz stories of a wonderful island--most probable
+Japan--that wuz one thing that influenced Columbus strong.
+
+In the main buildin' are sights and sights of goods from Japan at the
+present day.
+
+All of the north part of the island is a marvellous show of their skill
+and ingenuity in landscape gardenin', and dwarf trees, and the wonderful
+garden effects for which they are noted.
+
+They make a present of the temple and all of these horticultural works
+to Chicago.
+
+To remain always a ornament of Jackson Park, which I call very pretty in
+'em.
+
+Take it all together, the exhibits of Japan are about as interesting as
+that of any country of the globe.
+
+In some things they go ahead of us fur. Now in some of their
+meetin'-houses I am told they don't have much of anything but a
+lookin'-glass a-hangin', to show the duty and neccessity of lookin' at
+your own sins.
+
+To set for a hour and a half and examine your own self and meditate on
+your own shortcomin's.
+
+How useful and improvin' that would be if used--as it ort to be--in
+Jonesville or Chicago!
+
+But still the world would call it queer.
+
+I leaned up hard on that thought, and wuz carried safe through all the
+queer sights I see there.
+
+I see quite a number of the Japans there, pretty, small-bonded folks,
+with faces kinder yellowish brown, dark eyes sot considerable fur back
+in their heads, their noses not Romans by any means--quite the
+reverse--and their hair glossy and dark, little hands and feet. Some on
+'em wuz dressed like Jonesvillians, but others had their queer-shaped
+clothin', and dretful ornamental. Josiah wuz bound to have a sack
+embroidered like one of theirn, and some wooden shoes, and caps with
+tossels--he thought they wuz dressy--and he wanted some big sleeves that
+he could use as a pocket; and then sez he--
+
+"To have shoes that have a separate place for the big toe, what a boon
+for that dum old corn on that toe of mine that would be!"
+
+But I frowned on the idee; but sez he--
+
+"If you mind the expense, I could take one of your old short night-gowns
+and color it black, and set some embroidery onto it. I could cut some
+figgers out of creton--it wouldn't be much work. Why," sez he, "I could
+pin 'em on--no, dum it all," sez he, "I couldn't set down in it, but I
+could glue 'em on."
+
+But I sez, "If you want to foller the Japans I could tell you a custom
+of theirn, and I would give ten cents willin'ly to see you foller it."
+
+"What is that?" sez he, ready, as I could see, to ornament himself, or
+shave his hair, or dress up his big toe, or anything.
+
+But I sez, "It is their politeness, Josiah Allen."
+
+"I'd be a dum fool if I wuz in your place," sez he. "What do I want to
+foller 'em for? I am polite, and always wuz."
+
+I looked coldly at him, and sez I--
+
+"Japans wouldn't call their wives a dum fool no quicker than they would
+take their heads off."
+
+Sez he, conscience-struck, "I didn't call you one. I said _I_ would be
+one if I wuz in your place--I wuz a-demeanin' myself, Samantha."
+
+Sez I, not mindin' his persiflage, "The Japans are the politest nation
+on the earth; they say cheatin' and lyin' hain't polite, and so they
+don't want to foller 'em; they hitch principle and politeness right up
+in one team and ride after it."
+
+"Wall," sez he, "I do and always have."
+
+I wouldn't deign to argue with him, only I remarked, "Wall, the team
+prances, and throws you time and again, Josiah Allen."
+
+Sez I, "The Japans are neat, industrious, studious, and progressive,
+ardent in desirin' knowledge."
+
+"Wall," sez he, "if you think so much on 'em, why don't you buy a
+pipe--they all smoke, men and wimmen."
+
+He didn't love to hear me praisin' even a nation, that man didn't, but I
+soothed him down by drawin' his attention to the housen of the little
+village.
+
+They wuz low, and had broad eaves, and a sort of a piazza a-runnin' all
+round 'em; they seemed to be kinder plastered on the outside; and the
+doors and winders--I wouldn't want to swear to it--but they did seem to
+be wood frames covered with paper, that would slide back and forth, and
+the partitions of the housen seemed to be made of paper that could be
+slipped and slided every way, or be took down and turn the hull house
+into one room.
+
+And the little gardens round the housen looked curious as a dog, and
+curiouser, with trees and shrubs dwarfed and trained into forms of
+animals and so forth.
+
+But I leaned heavy on the thought that my house and garden in Jonesville
+would look jest as queer to 'em, and got along without bein' too
+dumbfoundered. As I wuz a-walkin' along there I did think of the errant
+Old Miss Baker sent by me.
+
+She wanted me to git her a japanned dust-pan. She said that "them she
+bought of tin-peddlers wuzn't worth a cent--the japan all wore off of
+'em."
+
+"But," sez she, "you buy it right at headquarters--you'd be apt to git a
+good one;" and she told me that I might go as high as twenty-five cents
+if I couldn't git it for no less.
+
+And I spoke on't there, but Josiah said "that he wouldn't go a-luggin'
+round dust-pans for nobody to this Fair."
+
+But I sez, "I guess that Columbus went through more than that."
+
+But I did in my own mind hate to go round before the nations a-carryin'
+a dust-pan--they're so kinder rakish-lookin'.
+
+But if I'd seen a good one I should have leaned on duty and bought it.
+
+But we didn't see no signs of any.
+
+But we see pictures and ornaments so queer that I felt my own eyes
+a-movin' round sideways a-beholdin' of 'em, or would have if we had
+stayed there long enough. We see as we wended along that all round the
+island wuz another garden all full of flowers, and ornamental grasses,
+and beautiful shrubs, and windin' walks, and so forth, and so forth, and
+so forth--an Eden of beauty.
+
+And in one place we see in a large tank the Victoria Regia. Its leaves
+wuz ten feet long, and when in the water in its own home, the River
+Amazon in Brazil, the leaves will hold up a child six years old.
+
+Then there wuz the lotus from Egypt, and Indian lilies, and that
+magnificent flower, Humboldt's last discovery, "the water poppy."
+
+It wuz a sight--a sight.
+
+But of all the sights I see that day I guess the one that stayed by me
+the longest, and that I thought more on than any of the other contents
+of Horticultural Hall, as I lay there on my peaceful pillow at Miss
+Plankses, wuz the reproduction of the Crystal Cave of Dakota.
+
+[Illustration: My peaceful pillow at Miss Plankses.]
+
+The original cave, so fur as they have discovered it, is thirty-three
+milds long--
+
+Three times as long as the hull town of Lyme--the idee!
+
+Thirty lakes of pure water has been found in it, and one thousand four
+hundred rooms have been opened up.
+
+Here is a reproduction of seven of them rooms. Two men of Deadwood of
+Dakota wuz over a year a-gittin' specimens of the stalactites and
+stalagmites which they have brought to the Exposition.
+
+One of the rooms is called "Garden of the Gods;" another is "Abode of
+the Fairies," and one is the "Bridal Chamber;" another is the "Cathedral
+Chimes."
+
+Language can't paint nor do anything towards paintin' the dazzlin' glory
+of them rooms, with the great masses of gleamin' crystal, and slender
+columns, and all sorts of forms and fancies wrought in the dazzlin'
+crystalline masses.
+
+The chimes wuz perfect in their musical records--the guide played a tune
+on 'em.
+
+They wuz all lit up by electricity, and it wuz here that the plants wuz
+a-growin' by no other light but electricity.
+
+By windin' passages a-windin' through groups of fairy-like beauty and
+grandeur, you at last come out into the principal chamber, and here
+indeed you did feel that you wuz in the Garden of the Gods, as you
+looked round and beheld with your almost dazzled eyes the gorgeous
+colors radiatin' from the crystals, and the gleamin' and glowin' fancies
+on every side of you.
+
+And I sez to Josiah--
+
+"The hull thirty-three milds that this represents wuz considered till
+about a year ago as only a small hole in the ground, so little do we
+know." Sez I, "What glorious and majestic sights are about us on every
+side, liable to be revealed to us when the time comes."
+
+And then he wuz all rousted up about a hole down in our paster. Sez he,
+"Who knows what it would lead to if it wuz opened up?" Sez he, "I'll put
+twenty men to diggin' there the minute I git home."
+
+Sez I, "Josiah, that is a woodchuck hole--the woodchuck wuz took in it;
+you have got to be megum in caves as much as anything. Be calm," sez I,
+for he wuz a-breathin' hard and wuz fearful excited, and I led him out
+as quick as I could.
+
+But he wuz a-sleepin' now peaceful, forgittin' his enthusiasm, while I,
+who took it calm at the time, kep awake to muse on the glory of the
+spectacle.
+
+After we left the Horticultural Buildin' I proposed that we should
+branch out for once and git a fashionable dinner.
+
+"Dinner!" sez Josiah. "Are you crazy, or what does ail you? Talk about
+gittin' dinner at this time of day--most bedtime!"
+
+But I explained it out to him that fashion called for dinner at the hour
+that we usually partook of our evenin' meal at Jonesville.
+
+Sez I, "Josiah, I would love for jest once to go to a big fashionable
+restaurant and mingle with the fashionable throng--jest for instruction
+and education, Josiah, not that I want to foller it up."
+
+But sez he, "We'd better go to the same old place where we've got good,
+clean dinners and supperses, and enough on 'em, and at a livin' price."
+
+But he argued warm at the foolishness of the enterprise.
+
+But onlucky creeter that I wuz, I argued that, bein' a woman in search
+of instruction and wisdom, I wanted to see life on as many sides as I
+could; while I was at Columbuses doin's I wanted to look round and see
+all I could in a social and educational way.
+
+Poor deceived human creeters, how they will blind their own eyes when
+they pursue their own desires!
+
+I do spoze it wuz vanity and pride that wuz at the bottom of it.
+
+And truly, if I desired to see life on a new side I wuz about to have my
+wish; and if I had a haughty sperit when I entered that hall of fashion,
+it wuz with droopin' feathers and lowered crest that I went out on't.
+
+Josiah wuz mad when he finally gin up and accompanied and went in with
+me.
+
+It wuz a beautifully decorated room, and crowds of splendidly dressed
+men and wimmen wuz a-settin' round at little tables all over the room.
+
+And as we went in, a tall, elegant-lookin' man, who I spozed for a long
+time wuz a minister, and I wondered enough what brung him there, and why
+he should advance and wait on me, but spozed it wuz because of the high
+opinion they had of me at Chicago, and their wantin' to use me so awful
+well.
+
+But for all his white collar, and necktie, and sanctimonious look, I
+found out that he wuz a waiter, for all on 'em looked jest as he did,
+slick enough to be kept in a bandbox, and only let out once in a while
+to air.
+
+Wall, he led the way to a little table, and we seated ourselves, Josiah
+still a-actin' mad--mad as a hen, and uppish.
+
+And then the waiter put some little slips of paper before us, one with
+printin' and one with writin' on it, and a pencil, and sez he, "I will
+be back when you make out your order."
+
+And Josiah took out his old silver spectacles and begun to read out
+loud, and his voice wuz angry and morbid in the extreme.
+
+Sez he, loud and clear, "Blue pints--pints of what, I'd love to know? If
+it wuz a good pint of sweetened vinegar and ginger, I'd fall in with the
+idee."
+
+Sez I, "Keep still, Josiah; they're a-lookin' at you."
+
+"Wall, let 'em look," sez he, out loud and defiant.
+
+"Consomme of chicken a la princess--what do we want of Princesses here,
+or Queens, or Dukesses--we want sunthin' to eat! Devilish crabs--do
+you want some, Samantha?"
+
+I looked over his shoulder, in wild horrer at them awful words, and then
+I whispered, "Devilled crabs--and do you keep still, Josiah Allen; I'd
+ruther not have anythin' to eat at all than to have you act so--it
+hain't devilish."
+
+"Wall, what is the difference?" he sez, out loud and strong; "devilish
+or bedevilled, they both mean the same.
+
+"And it is true, too--too true; they are all bedevilled," sez he,
+gloomily eyin' the bill.
+
+I allers hated crabs from the time they used to fasten to my bare toes
+down in the old swimmin' hole in the creek. "Wall, you don't want any
+bedevilled crabs, do you?"
+
+[Illustration: "I allus hated crabs!"]
+
+"No," sez I, faintly; for I wuz mortified enough to sink through the
+floor if there had been any sinkin' place, and I whispered, "I'd ruther
+go without any dinner at all than to have you act so."
+
+"Oh, no," sez he, loud and positive, "you don't want to go without your
+dinner; you want to be fashionable and cut style--you want to make a
+show."
+
+"Wall," sez I, faint as a cat, "I am apt to git my wish."
+
+For three men looked up and laughed, and one girl snickered, besides
+some other wimmen.
+
+Sez I, hunchin' him, "Do be still and less go to our old place."
+
+"Oh, no," sez he, speakin' up to the top of his voice, "don't less
+leave; here is such a variety!"
+
+"Potatoes surprise," sez he; "it must be that they are mealy and cooked
+decent; that would be about as much of a surprise as I could have about
+potatoes here, to have 'em biled fit to eat; we'll have some of them,
+anyway.
+
+"Philadelphia caperin'--I didn't know that Philadelphia caperin' wuz any
+better than Chicago a-caperin' or New York a-caperin'. Veal o just! I
+guess if he had been kicked by calves as much as I have, he wouldn't
+talk so much about their Christian habits.
+
+"Leg of mutton with caper sass--wall, it is nateral for sheep to caper
+and act sassy, and it is nobody's bizness.
+
+"Supreme pinted bogardus--what in thunder is that? Supreme--wall, I've
+hearn of a supreme ijiot, and I believe that Bogardus is his name.
+
+"Terrapin a-layin' on Maryland--I never knew that terrapin wuz a hen
+before, and why is it any better to lay on Maryland than anywhere else?
+Mebby eggs are higher there; wall, Maryland hain't much too big for a
+good-sized hen's nest, nor Rhode Island neither."
+
+"Josiah Allen," I whispered, deep and solemn, "if you don't stop I will
+part with you."
+
+Folks wuz in a full snicker and a giggle by this time.
+
+"Oh, no," sez he, loud and strong, "you don't want to part with me till
+I git you a fashionable dinner, and we both cut style.
+
+"Tenderloin of beef a-tryin' on"--a-tryin' on what, I'd love to
+know?--style, most probable, this is such a stylish place."
+
+"Will you be still, Josiah Allen?" sez I, a-layin' holt of his vest.
+
+"No, I won't; I am tryin' to put on style, Samantha, and buy you
+sunthin' stylish to eat."
+
+"Wall, you needn't," sez I; "I have lost my appetite."
+
+"Siberian Punch! Let him come on," sez Josiah; "if I can't use my fists
+equal to any dum Siberian that ever trod shoe leather, then I'll give
+in."
+
+Then three wimmen giggled, and the waiters began to look mad and
+troubled.
+
+"English rifles"--wall, I shouldn't have thought they would have tried
+that agin. No, trifles," sez he, a-lookin' closer at it.
+
+"English trifles!--lions' tails and coronets, mebby--English trifles and
+tutty-frutty. Do have some tutty-frutty, Samantha, it has such a stylish
+sound to it, so different from good pork and beans and roast beef; I
+believe you would enjoy it dearly.
+
+"Waiter," sez he, "bring on some tutty-frutty to once."
+
+The waiter approached cautiously, and made a motion to me, and touched
+his forehead.
+
+He thought he wuz crazy, and he whispered to me, "Is it caused by
+drinkin'? or is it nateral and come on sudden--"
+
+Josiah heard it, and answered out loud, "It wuz caused by style, by
+bein' fashionable; my only aim has been to git my wife a fashionable
+dinner, but I see it has overcome her."
+
+The waiter wuz a good-hearted-lookin' man--a kind heart beat below that
+white necktie (considerable below it on the left side), and sez he to
+me--
+
+"Shall I bring you a dinner, Mom, without takin' the order?"
+
+And I replied gratefully--
+
+"Yes, so do;" and so he brung it, a good enough dinner for anybody--good
+roast beef, and potatoes, and lemon pie, and tea, and Josiah eat
+hearty, and had to quiet down some, though he kept a-mournin' all
+through the meal about its not bein' carried on fashionable and stylish,
+and that it wuz my doin's a-breakin' it up, and etc., etc., and the last
+thing a-wantin' tutty-frutty, and etc., etc.
+
+And I paid for the meal out of my own pocket; the waiter thought I had
+to on account of my companion's luny state, and he gin the bill to me.
+
+And Josiah a-chucklin' over it, as I could see, for savin' his money.
+
+And I got him out of that place as quick as I could, the bystanders, or
+ruther the bysetters, a-laughin' or a-lookin' pitiful at me, as their
+naters differed.
+
+And as we wended off down the broad path on the outside, I sez, "You
+have disgraced us forever in the eyes of the nation, Josiah Allen."
+
+And he sez, "What have I done? You can't throw it in my face, Samantha,
+that I hain't tried to cut style--that I didn't try to git you a stylish
+meal."
+
+I wouldn't say a word further to him, and I never spoke to him once that
+night--not once, only in the night I thought there wuz a mouse in the
+room, and I forgot myself and called on him for help.
+
+And for three days I didn't pass nothin' but the compliments with him;
+he felt bad--he worships me. He did it all to keep me from goin' to a
+costly place--I know what his motives wuz--but he had mortified me too
+deep.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV.
+
+
+Wall, this mornin' I said that I would go to see the Palace of Art if I
+had to go on my hands and knees.
+
+And Josiah sez, "I guess you'd need a new pair of knees by the time you
+got there."
+
+And I do spoze it wuz milds and milds from where I wuz.
+
+But I only wanted to let Josiah Allen know my cast-iron determination to
+not be put off another minute in payin' my devours to Art.
+
+He see it writ in my mean and didn't make no moves towards breakin' it
+up.
+
+Only he muttered sunthin' about not carin' so much about ile paintin's
+as he did for lots of other things.
+
+But I heeded him not, and sez I, "We will go early in the mornin' before
+any one gits there." But I guess that several hundred thousand other
+folks must have laid on the same plans overnight, for we found the rooms
+full and runnin' over when we got there.
+
+Before we got to the Art Palace, you'd know you wuz in its neighborhood
+by the beautiful statutes and groups of figgers you'd see all round you.
+
+The buildin' itself is a gem of art, if you can call anything a gem that
+is acres and acres big of itself, and then has immense annexes connected
+with it by broad, handsome corridors on either side.
+
+It is Greek in style, and the dome rises one hundred and twenty-five
+feet and is surmounted by Martiny's wonderful winged Victory.
+
+Another female is depictered standin' on top of the globe with wreaths
+in her outstretched hands.
+
+Wall, I hope the figger is symbolical, and I believe in my soul she is!
+
+You enter this palace by four great portals, beautiful with sculptured
+figgers and ornaments, and as you go on in the colonnade you see
+beautiful paintin's illustratin' the rise and progress of Art.
+
+And way up on the outside, on what they call the freeze of the buildin'
+(and good land! I don't see what they wuz a-thinkin' on, for I wuz jest
+a-meltin' down where I wuz, and it must have been hotter up there).
+
+But that's their way.
+
+Wall, way up there and on the pediment of the principal entrances are
+sculptures and portraits of the ancient masters of Art in relief.
+
+In relief? That's what they called it, and I spoze them old men must
+felt real relieved and contented to be sot down there in such a grand
+place, and so riz up like. You could see plain by their liniments how
+glad and proud they wuz to be in Chicago, a-lookin' down on that seen of
+beauty all round 'em. Lookin' down on the terraces richly ornamented
+with balustrades--down over the immense flight of steps down into the
+blue water, with its flocks of steam lanches, and gondolas, like gay
+birds of passage, settled down there ready for flight.
+
+All the light in this buildin' comes down through immense skylights.
+
+There is no danger of folks a-fallin' out of the winders or havin'
+anybody peek in unless it is the man in the moon.
+
+All round this vast room is a gallery forty feet wide, where you could
+lock arms and promenade, and talk about hens.
+
+But you wouldn't want to, I don't believe. You'd want to spend every
+minute a-feastin' your eyes on the Best of the World.
+
+All along the floors of the nave and transepts are displayed the most
+beautiful sculptures that wuz ever sculped in any part of the world,
+while the walls are covered with paintin's and sculptured panels in
+relief.
+
+That's what they call 'em, because it's such a relief for folks to set
+down and look at 'em.
+
+Between the promenades and naves and transepts are the smaller rooms,
+where the private collections of picters are kep and the works of the
+different Art Schools, and the four corners are filled with smaller
+picter galleries.
+
+Why, to go through jest one of them annexes, let alone the palace
+itself, would take a week if you examined 'em as you ort to. Josiah told
+me that mornin', with a encouraged look onto his face--
+
+"Samantha, after we've seen all the ile paintin's we'll go somewhere,
+and have a good time."
+
+"But good land! see all the ile paintin's!"
+
+Why, as I told him after we'd wandered through there for hours and
+hours, sez I, "If we spent every minute of the hull summer we couldn't
+do justice to 'em all."
+
+And we couldn't. Why, it has been all calculated out by a good
+calculator, that spend one minute to a picter, and it would take
+twenty-six days to go through 'em. And good land! what is one minute to
+some of the picters you see. Why, half a day wuzn't none too long to
+pour over some on 'em, and when I say pour, I mean pour, for I see
+dozens of folks weepin' quite hard before some on 'em.
+
+[Illustration: I see dozens of folks weepin' quite hard before some
+on 'em.]
+
+For these picters wuzn't picked out haphazard all over the country. No,
+they had to, every one on 'em, run the gantlet of the most severe and
+close criticism.
+
+The Jury of Admittance stood in front of that gallery, and over it, as
+you may say, like the very finest and strongest wire sieve, a-strainin'
+out all but the finest and clearest merits. No dregs could git
+through--not a dreg.
+
+I guess that hain't a very good metafor, and if I wuzn't in such a hurry
+I'd look round and try to find a better one, not knowin', too, but what
+that Jury of Admittance will feel mad as hens at me to be compared to
+sieves; but I don't mean the common wire ones, such as tin-peddlers
+sell. No, I mean the searchin' and elevatin' process by which the very
+best of our country and the hull world wuz separated from the less
+meritorious ones, and spread out there for the inspiration and delight
+of the assembled nations.
+
+And wuzn't it a sight what wuz to be found there!
+
+Landscapes from every land on the globe--from Lapland to the Orient.
+Tropical forests, with soft southern faces lookin' out of the verdant
+shadows. Frozen icebergs, with fur-clad figgers with stern aspects, and
+grizzly bears and ice-suckles.
+
+Bits of the beauty of all climes under all skies, dark or sunny.
+Mountains, trees, valleys, forests, plains and prairies, palaces and
+huts, ships, boats and balloons. The beauty and the sadness of every
+season of the year, beautiful faces, inspired faces, humbly faces,
+strikin' powerful means, and mean cowardly sly liniments looked out on
+every side of us.
+
+Picters illustratin' every phase of human life, in every corner of the
+globe, from birth to death, from kingly prosperity and luxurious ease to
+prisons and scaffolds, the throne, the hospital, the convent, the
+pulpit, the monastery, the home, the battle-field, the mid-ocean, and
+the sheltered way, and Heaven and Hell, and Life and Death.
+
+Every seen and spot the human mind had ever conceived wuz here
+depictered.
+
+Every emotion man or woman ever felt, every inspiration that ever
+possessed their soul, every joy and every grief that ever lifted or
+bowed down their heads wuz here depictered.
+
+And seens from the literature of every land wuz illustrated, the world
+of matter, the world of mind, all their secrets laid bare to the eyes of
+the admirin' nations.
+
+It wuz a sight--a sight!
+
+Gallery after gallery, room after room did we wander through till the
+gorgeous colorin' seemed to dye our very thoughts and emotions, and I
+looked at Josiah in a kinder mixed-up, lofty way, as if he wuz a ile
+paintin' or a statute, and he looked at me almost as if he considered me
+a chromo.
+
+It wuz a time not to be forgot as long as memory sets up high on her
+high throne.
+
+Room after room, gallery after gallery, beauty dazzlin' us on every
+side, and lameness and twinges of rumatiz a-harassin' us in our four
+extremities.
+
+Why, the sight seemed so endless and so immense, that some of the time
+we felt like two needles in a haymow, a haymow made up of a vision of
+loveliness, and the two little needles feelin' fairly tuckered out, and
+blunted, and browbeat.
+
+Why, we got so kinder bewildered and carried away, that some of the time
+I couldn't tell whether the masterpiece I wuz a-devourin' with my eyes
+come from Germany or Jonesville, from France or Shackville, from Holland
+or from Zoar, up in the upper part of Lyme.
+
+Of course amongst that endless display there wuz some picters that
+struck such hard blows at the heart and fancy that you can't forgit 'em
+if you wanted to, which most probable you don't.
+
+And now, in thinkin' back on 'em, I can't sort 'em out and lay 'em down
+where they belong and mark 'em 1, 2, 3, 4, and etcetry, as I'd ort to.
+
+But I'm jest as likely to let my mind jump right from what I see at the
+entrance to sunthin' that I see way to the latter end of the buildin',
+and visa versa.
+
+It kinder worries me. I love to even meditate and allegore with some
+degree of order and system, but I can't here. I must allegore and
+meditate on 'em jest as they come, and truly a-thinkin' on these
+picters, I feel as Hosey Bigelow ust to say:
+
+"I can't tell what's comin'--gall or honey."
+
+But some of them picters and statutes made perfect dents in my memory,
+and can't be smoothed out agin nohow.
+
+There wuz one little figger jest at the entrance where we went in, "The
+Young Acrobat," that impressed me dretfully.
+
+It wuz a man's hand and arm that wuz a-risin' up out of a pedestal, and
+on the hand wuz set the cutest little baby you ever see. I guess it wuz
+the first time that he'd ever sot up anywhere out of the cradle or his
+ma's arms.
+
+He looked some skairt, and some proud, and too cunnin' for anything, as
+I hearn remarked by a few hundred female wimmen that day.
+
+And like as not it is jest like my incoherence in revery that from that
+little baby my mind would spring right on to the French exhibit to that
+noble statute of Jennie D. Ark, kneelin' there with her clasped hands
+and her eyes lifted as if she wuz a-sayin': "I _did_ hear the voices!"
+
+And so she did hear the language of Heaven, and the dull souls around
+her wuz too earthly to comprehend the divine harmonies, and so they
+burnt her up for it.
+
+Lots of folks are burnt up in different fires to-day, for the same
+thing.
+
+Then mebby my mind will jest jump to the "Age of Iron" or to the
+"Secrets of the Tomb," or "The Eagle and the Vulture," or "Washington
+and Lafayette," or "Charity"--a good-lookin' creeter she wuz--she could
+think of other children besides her own; or mebby it will jump right
+over onto the "Indian Buffalo Hunt"--a horse a-rarin' right up to git
+rid of a buffalo that wuz a-pressin' right in under its forelegs.
+
+I don't see how that hunter could stay on his back--I couldn't--to say
+nothin' to shootin' the arrows into the critter as he's a-doin'.
+
+Or mebby my mind'll jump right over to the "Soldier of Marathon," or
+"Eve," no knowin' at all where my thoughts will take me amongst them
+noble marble figgers.
+
+And as for picters, my revery on 'em now is a perfect sight; a show as
+good as a panorama is a-goin' on in my fore-top now when I let my
+thoughts take their full swing on them picters.
+
+Amongst them that struck the hardest blows on my fancy wuz them that
+told stories that touched the heart.
+
+There wuz one in the Holland exhibit, called "Alone in the World," a
+picter that rousted up my feelin's to a almost alarmin' extent. It wuz a
+picter by Josef Israel.
+
+It wuz a sight to see how this picter touched the hearts of the people.
+No grandeur about it, but it held the soul of things--pathos,
+heart-breakin' sorrow.
+
+A peasant had come home to his bare-lookin' cottage, and found his wife
+dead in her bed.
+
+He didn't rave round and act, and strike an attitude. No, he jest turned
+round and sot there on his hard stool, with his hands on his knees,
+a-facin' the bare future.
+
+The hull of the desolation of that long life of emptiness and grief that
+he sees stretch out before him without her, that he had loved and lost,
+wuz in the man's grief-stricken face.
+
+It wuz that face that made up the loss and the strength of the picter.
+
+I cried and wept in front of it, and cried and wept. I thought what if
+that wuz Josiah that sot there with that agony in his face, and that
+desolation in his heart, and I couldn't comfort him--
+
+Couldn't say to him: "Josiah, we'll bear it together."
+
+I wuz fearful overcome.
+
+[Illustration: I cried and wept in front of it, and cried and
+wept.]
+
+And then there wuz another picter called "Breakin' Home Ties."
+
+A crowd always stood before that.
+
+It wuz a boy jest a-settin' out to seek his fortune. The breakfast-table
+still stood in the room. The old grandma a-settin' there still; time had
+dulled her vision for lookin' forward. She wuz a-lookin' into the past,
+into the realm that had held so many partin's for her, and mebby
+lookin' way over the present into the land of meetin's.
+
+The little girl with her hand on the old dog is too small to fully
+realize what it all means.
+
+But in the mother's face you can see the full meanin' of the
+partin'--the breakin' of the old ties that bound her boy so fast to her
+in the past.
+
+The lettin' him go out into the evil world without her lovin'
+watchfulness and love. All the love that would fain go with him--all the
+admonition that she would fain give him--all the love and all the hope
+she feels for him is writ in her gentle face.
+
+As for the boy, anticipation and dread are writ on his mean, but the man
+is waitin' impatient outside to take him away. The partin' must come.
+
+You turn away, glad you can't see that last kiss.
+
+Then there wuz "Holy Night," the Christ Child, with its father and
+mother, and some surroundin' worshippers of both sects.
+
+Mary's face held all the sweetness and strength you'd expect to see in
+the mother of our Lord. And Joseph looked real well too--quite well.
+
+Josiah said that "the halos round his head and Mary's looked some like
+big white plates."
+
+But I sez, "You hain't much of a judge of halos, anyway. Mebby if you
+should try to make a few halos you'd speak better of 'em."
+
+I often think this in the presence of critics, mebby if they should lay
+holt and paint a few picters, they wouldn't find fault with 'em so glib.
+It looks real mean to me to see folks find so much fault with what they
+can't do half so well themselves.
+
+Then there wuz the wimmen at the tomb of the Christ. The door is open,
+the Angel is begenin' for 'em to enter.
+
+In the faces of them weepin', waitin' wimmen is depictered the very
+height and depth of sorrow. You can't see the face of one on 'em, but
+her poster gives the impression of absolute grief and loss.
+
+The quiverin' lips seems formin' the words--"Farwell, farwell, best
+beloved."
+
+Deathless love shines through the eyes streamin' with tears.
+
+In the British section there wuz one picter that struck such a deep blow
+onto my heart that its strings hain't got over vibratin' still.
+
+They send back some of them deep, thrillin' echoes every time I think
+on't in the day-time or wake up in the night and think on't.
+
+It wuz "Love and Death," and wuz painted by Mr. Watts, of London.
+
+It showed a home where Love had made its sweet restin'-place--vines grew
+up round the pleasant door-way, emblematic of how the heart's deep
+affection twined round the spot.
+
+But in the door-way stood a mighty form, veiled and shadowy, but
+relentless. It has torn the vines down, they lay witherin' at its feet.
+It wuz bound to enter.
+
+Though you couldn't see the face of this veiled shape, a mysterious,
+dretful atmosphere darkened and surrounded it, and you knew that its
+name wuz Death.
+
+Love stood in the door-way, vainly a-tryin' to keep it out, but you
+could see plain how its pleadin', implorin' hand, extended out a-tryin'
+to push the figger away, wuz a-goin' to be swept aside by the
+inexorable, silent shape.
+
+Death when he goes up on a door-step and pauses before a door has got to
+enter, and Love can't push it away. No, it can only git its wings torn
+off and trompled on in the vain effort.
+
+It wuz a dretful impressive picter, one that can't be forgot while life
+remains.
+
+On the opposite wall wuz Crane's noble picter, "Freedom;" I stood before
+that for some time nearly lost and by the side of myself. Crane did
+first-rate; I'd a been glad to have told him so--it would a been so
+encouragin' to him.
+
+Then there wuz another picter in the English section called "The
+Passing of Arthur" that rousted up deep emotions.
+
+I'd hearn Thomas J. read so much about Arthur, and that round extension
+table of hisen, that I seemed to be well acquainted with him and his
+mates.
+
+I knew that he had a dretful hard time on't, what with his wife
+a-fallin' in love with another man--which is always hard to bear--and
+etcetry. And I always approved of his doin's.
+
+He never tried to go West to git a divorce. No; he merely sez to her,
+when she knelt at his feet a-wantin' to make up with him, he sez, "Live
+so that in Heaven thou shalt be Arthur's true wife, and not another's."
+
+I'll bet that shamed Genevere, and made her feel real bad.
+
+And his death-bed always seemed dretful pathetic to me.
+
+And here it wuz all painted out. The boat floatin' out on the pale
+golden green light, and Arthur a-layin' there with the three queens
+a-weepin' over him. A-floatin' on to the island valley of Avilion,
+"Where falls not hail nor rain, nor any snow."
+
+And then there wuz a picter by Whistler, called "The Princess of the
+Land of Porcelain."
+
+You couldn't really tell why that slender little figger in the long
+trailin' silken robes, and the deep dark eyes, and vivid red lips
+should take such a holt on you.
+
+But she did, and that face peers out of Memory-aisles time and time
+agin, and you wake up a-thinkin' on her in the night.
+
+Mr. Whistler must a been dretful interested himself in the Lady of the
+Land of Porcelain, or he couldn't have interested other folks so.
+
+And then there wuz another by Mr. Whistler, called "The Lady of the
+Yellow Buskin."
+
+A poem of glowin' color and life.
+
+And right there nigh by wuz one by Mr. Chase, jest about as good. The
+name on't wuz "Alice."
+
+I believe Alice Ben Bolt looked some like her when she wuz of the same
+age, you know--
+
+"Sweet Alice, whose hair was so brown,
+Who wept with delight when Mr. Ben Bolt gin her a smile;
+And trembled with fear at Mr. Ben Boltses frown."
+
+She ort to had more gumption than that; but I always liked her.
+
+Elihu Vedder's picters rousted up deep emotions in my soul--jest about
+the deepest I have got, and the most mysterious and weird.
+
+Other artists may paint the outside of things, but he goes deeper, and
+paints the emotions of the soul that are so deep that you don't hardly
+know yourself that you've got them of that variety.
+
+In lookin' through these picters of hisen illustratin' that old Persian
+poem, "Omer Kyham"--
+
+Why, I have had from eighty to a hundred emotions right along for half a
+day at a time.
+
+Mr. Vedder had here "A Soul in Bondage," "The Young Marysus and
+Morning," and "Delila and Sampson," and several others remarkably
+impressive.
+
+And Mr. Sargent's "Mother and Child" looked first-rate in its cool, soft
+colors. They put me in mind a good deal of Tirzah Ann and Babe.
+
+And "The Delaware Valley" and "A Gray Lowery Day," by Mr. George Inness,
+impressed me wonderfully. Many a day like it have I passed through in
+Jonesville.
+
+"Hard Times," also in a American department, wuz dretful impressive. A
+man and a woman wuz a-standin' in the hard, dusty road.
+
+His face looked as though all the despair, and care, and perplexities of
+the hard times wuz depictered in it.
+
+He wuz stalkin' along as if he had forgot everything but his trouble.
+
+And I presoom that he'd had a dretful hard time on't--dretful. He
+couldn't git no work, mebby, and wuz obleeged to stand and see his
+family starve and suffer round him.
+
+Yes, he wuz a-walkin' along with his hands in his empty pockets and his
+eyes bent towards the ground.
+
+But the woman, though her face looked haggard, and fur wanner than
+hissen, yet she wuz a-lookin' back and reachin' out her arms towards the
+children that wuz a-comin' along fur back. One of 'em wuz a-cryin', I
+guess. His ma hadn't nothin' but love to give him, but you could see
+that she wuz a-givin' him that liberal.
+
+And Durant's "Spanish Singing Girl" rousted up a sight of admiration;
+she wuz _very_ good-lookin'--looked a good deal like my son's wife.
+
+Well, in the Russian Department (and jest see how my revery flops about,
+clear from America to Russia at one jump)--
+
+There wuz a picter there of a boat in a storm.
+
+And on that boat is thrown a vivid ray of sunshine. You'd think that it
+wuz the real thing, and that you could warm your fingers at it, but it
+hain't--it is only painted sunshine. But it beats all I ever see; I
+wouldn't hesitate for a minute to use it for a noon-mark.
+
+In the German Exhibit wuz as awful a picter as I want to see. It was
+Julia, old Mr. Serviuses girl--Miss Tarquin that now is--a-ridin' over
+her pa and killin' him a purpose, so she could git his property.
+
+To see Miss Tarquin, that wicked, wicked creeter, a-doin' that wicked
+act, is enough to make a perfect race of old maids and bacheldors.
+
+The idea of havin' a lot of children to take care on and then be rid
+over by 'em!
+
+But I shall always believe that she wuz put up to it by the Tarquin
+boys. I never liked 'em--they wuzn't likely.
+
+But the picter is a sight--dretful big and skairful.
+
+And in that section is a beautiful picter by Fritz Uhele, whose figgers,
+folks say, are the best in the world.
+
+"The Angels Appearing to the Shepherds."
+
+Oh, what glowin' faces the angels had! You read in 'em what the
+shepherds did:
+
+"Love, Good Will to Man."
+
+There wuz some little picters there about six inches square, and marked:
+
+"Little Picters for a Child's Album."
+
+And Josiah sez to me, "I believe I'll buy one of 'em for Babe's album
+that I got her last Christmas."
+
+Sez he, "I've got ten cents in change, but probable," sez he, "it won't
+be over eight cents."
+
+Sez I, "Don't be too sanguine, Josiah Allen."
+
+Sez he, "I am never sanguinary without good horse sense to back it up.
+They throwed in a chromo three feet square with the last calico dress
+you bought at Jonesville, and this hain't over five or six inches big."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "buy it if you want to."
+
+"Wall," sez he, "that's what I lay out to do, mom."
+
+So he accosted a Columbus Guard that stood nigh, and sez he--
+
+"I'm a-goin' to buy that little picter, and I want to know if I can take
+it home now in my vest pocket?"
+
+[Illustration: "I'm a-goin' to buy that little picter, and I want to
+know if I can take it home now in my vest pocket?"]
+
+"That picter," sez he, "is twenty thousand dollars. It is owned by the
+German National Gallery, and is loaned by them," and sez he, with a
+ready flow of knowledge inherent to them Guards, "the artist, Adolph
+Menzel, is to German art what Meissonier is to the French. His picters
+are all bought by the National Gallery, and bring enormous sums."
+
+Josiah almost swooned away. Nothin' but pride kep him up--
+
+I didn't say nothin' to add to his mortification. Only I simply said--
+
+"Babe will prize that picter, Josiah Allen."
+
+And he sez, "Be a fool if you want to; I'm a-goin' to git sunthin' to
+eat."
+
+[Illustration: "Be a fool if you want to."]
+
+And he hurried me along at almost a dog-trot, but I would stop to look
+at a "Spring Day in Bavaria," and the "Fish Market in Amsterdam," and
+the "Nun," and some others, I would--they wuz all beautiful in the
+extreme.
+
+Wall, after we come back into the gallery agin, the first picter we went
+to see wuz "Christ Before Pilate," by Mr. Muncaxey.
+
+There He stood, the Man of Sorrows, with His tall figure full of patient
+dignity, and His face full of love, and pity, and anguish, all bent into
+a indescribable majesty and power.
+
+His hands wuz bound, He stood there the centre of that sneering,
+murderous crowd of priests and pharisees. On every side of Him He would
+meet a look of hate and savage exultation in His misery.
+
+And He, like a lamb before the shearers, wuz dumb, bearing patiently the
+sins and sorrows of a world.
+
+The fate of a universe looked out of His deep, sweet eyes.
+
+He could bear it all--the hate, all the ignominy, the cruel death
+drawin' so near--He could bear it all through love and pity--the
+highest heights love ever went, and the deepest pity.
+
+Only one face out of that jeerin', evil crowd had a look of pity on't,
+and that wuz the one woman in the throng, and she held a child in her
+arms.
+
+Mebby Love had taught her the secret of Grief.
+
+Anyway, she looked as if she pitied Him and would have loosed His bonds
+if she could. It wuz a dretful impressive picter, one that touched the
+most sacred feelin's of the beholder.
+
+There wuz a great fuss made over Alma Tadema's picter of "Crowning
+Bachus."
+
+But I didn't approve on't.
+
+The girls' figgers in it wuz very beautiful, with the wonderful floatin'
+hair of red gold crowned with roses.
+
+But I wanted to tell them girls that after they got Mr. Bachus all
+crowned, he'd turn on 'em, and jest as like as not pull out hull
+handfuls of that golden hair, and kick at 'em, and act.
+
+Mr. Bachus is a villain of the deepest dye. I felt jest like warnin'
+'em.
+
+I like Miss Tadema's picters enough sight better--pretty little girls
+playin' innocent games, and dreamin' sweet fancies By the Fireside.
+
+"The Flaggalants," by Carl Marr, is a enormous big picter, but fearful
+to look at.
+
+It made me feel real bad to see how them men wuz a-hurtin' their own
+selves. They hadn't ort to.
+
+Another picter by the same artist, called "A Summer Afternoon," I liked
+as well agin; the soul of the pleasant summer-time looked out of that
+picter, and the faces of the wimmen and children in it.
+
+The little one clingin' to its mother's hand and feedin' the chickens
+looked cute enough to kiss. She favored Babe a good deal in her looks.
+
+"The Cemetery in Delmatia" and the "Market Scene in Cairo," by Leopold
+Muller, struck hard blows onto my fancy. And so did three by Madame
+Weisenger--
+
+"Mornin' by the Sea-shore," "Breakfast in the Country," and "The
+Laundress of the Mountain."
+
+"Christ and the Children," by Julius Schmid, wuz beautiful as could be.
+
+And so wuz "The Death of Autumn," by Franz Pensinger--they held in 'em
+all the sadly glorious beauty of the closing year.
+
+"The Three Beggars of Cordova," by Edwin Weeks, wuz dretful interestin'.
+
+Them tramps set there lookin' so sassy, and lazy, nateral as life. Lots
+of jest such ones have importuned me for food on my Jonesville
+door-step.
+
+[Illustration: Them tramps set there lookin' so sassy and lazy,
+nateral as life.]
+
+Then he had two Hindoo fakirs that wuz real interestin'. The fur-off
+Indian city, the river, and the fakir a-layin' in the boat, tired out, I
+presoom, a-makin' folks stand up in the air, and climb up ladders into
+Nowhere, and eatin' swords, and eatin' fire, and etcetry.
+
+He wuz beat out, and no wonder. The colorin' of this picter is superb.
+
+And so wuz his "Persian Horse Dealers" and others.
+
+Mr. Melcher's "Sermon" and "Communion" wuz very impressive, as nateral
+as the meetin'-housen and congregation at Jonesville and Zoar.
+
+In the Holland Exhibit wuz all kinds of clouds painted--
+
+Clouds a-layin' low in sombre piles, and clouds with the sun almost
+a-shinin' through 'em. Wonderful effects as I ever see.
+
+And I wuz a-lookin' at a picter there so glowin' and beautiful that it
+seemed to hold in it the very secret of summer. The heart fire and glow
+of summer shone through its fine atmosphere. And sez I, "Josiah, did you
+ever see anything like it?"
+
+"Oh, yes," sez he; "it's quite fair."
+
+"Fair!" sez I; "can't you say sunthin' more than that?"
+
+"Wall, from fair to middlin', then," sez he.
+
+"But for real beauty," sez he, "give me them picters made in corn, and
+oats, and beans. Give me that Dakota cow made out of grain, with a tail
+of timothy grass, and straw legs, and corn ear horns. There is real
+beauty," sez he.
+
+"Or that picter in the State Buildin' of the hull farm made in seeds.
+The old bean farm-house, and barley well-sweep, and the fields bounded
+with corn twig fences, and horses made of silk-weed, and manes and tales
+of corn-silk--there is beauty," sez he.
+
+"And as for statutes, I'd ruther see one of them figgers that Miss
+Brooks of Nebraska makes out of butter than a hull carload of marble
+figgers."
+
+I sithed a deep, curious sithe, and he went on:
+
+"Why," sez he, "it stands to reason they're more valuable; what good
+would the stun be to you if a marble statute got smashed? A dead loss on
+your hands.
+
+"But let one of her Iolanthes git knocked over and broke to pieces, why
+there you are, good, solid butter, worth 30 cents of any man's money.
+
+"Give me statuary that is ornamental in prosperity, and that you can eat
+up if reverses come to you," sez he.
+
+"Why," sez he, "there is one hundred kinds of grain in that one model
+farm of Illinois.
+
+"Now, if that picter should git torn to pieces by a cyclone, what would
+a ile paintin' be? A dead loss.
+
+"But that grain farm-house, what food for hens that would make--such a
+variety. Why, the hens would jest pour out eggs fed on the ruins of that
+farm.
+
+"Give me beauty and economy hitched together in one team."
+
+[Illustration: "What food for hens that would make."]
+
+I sithed, and the sithe wuz deep, almost like a groan, and sez I--
+
+"You tire me, Josiah Allen--you tire me almost to death."
+
+"Wall," sez he, "I'm talkin' good horse sense."
+
+Sez I, "I should think it wuz animal sense of some kind--nothin'
+spiritual about it and riz up."
+
+"Wall," sez he, "you'll see five hundred folks a-standin' round and
+praisin' up them seed picters where there is one that gits carried away
+as you do over Wattses 'Love and Death' and Elihu Vedder's dum picters."
+
+"Wall," sez I, in a tired-out axent, "that don't prove anything, Josiah
+Allen. The multitude chose Barrabus to the Divine One.
+
+"Not," sez I reasonably, "that I would want to compare the seed picters
+and the butter females to a robber.
+
+"They're extremely curious and interestin' to look at, and wonderful in
+their way as anything in the hull Exposition.
+
+"But," sez I, "there is a height and a depth in the soul that them
+butter figgers can't touch--no, nor the pop-corn trees can't reach that
+height with their sorghum branches. It lays fur beyond the switchin'
+timothy tail of that seed horse or the wavin' raisen mane of that prune
+charger. It is a realm," sez I, "that I fear you will never stand in,
+Josiah Allen."
+
+"No, indeed," sez he; "and I don't want to. I hain't no desires that
+way."
+
+Again I sithed, and we walked off into another gallery.
+
+Wall, I might write and keep a-writin' from Fourth of July to Christmas
+Eve, and then git up Christmas mornin' and say truly that the half
+hadn't been told of what we see there, and so what is the use of tryin'
+to relate it in this epistle.
+
+But suffice it to say that we stayed there all day long, and that night
+we meandered home perfectly wore out, and perfectly riz up in our two
+minds, or at least I wuz. Josiah's feelin's seemed to be clear fag, jest
+plain wore out fag.
+
+The nights are always cool in Chicago--that is, if the weather is
+anyways comfortable durin' the day.
+
+And this night it wuz so cool that a good woollen blanket and bedspread
+wuz none too much for comfort.
+
+And it wuz with a sithe of contentment that I lay down on my peaceful
+goose-feather pillow, and drawed the blankets up over my weary frame and
+sunk to sleep.
+
+I had been to sleep I know not how long when a angry, excited voice
+wakened me. It said, "Lay down, can't you!"
+
+I hearn it as one in a dream. I couldn't sense where I wuz nor who wuz
+talkin', when agin I hearn--
+
+"Dum it all! why can't you fall as you ort to?"
+
+Wuz some struggle a-goin' on in my room? The bed wuz in an alcove, and I
+could not see the place from where the voice proceeded.
+
+I reached my hand out. My worst apprehensions wuz realized. Josiah wuz
+not there.
+
+Wuz some one a-killin' him, and a-orderin' him to lay still and fall as
+he ort to?
+
+Wuz such boldness in crime possible?
+
+I raised my head and looked out into the room, and then with a wild
+shriek I covered up my head. Then I discovered that there wuz only one
+thin sheet over me.
+
+The sight I had seen had driv' the blood in my veins all back to my
+heart.
+
+A tall white figger wuz a-standin' before the glass, draped from head to
+foot in heavy white drapery.
+
+I'd often turned it over in my mind in hours of ease which I'd ruther
+have appear to me in the night--a burglar or a ghost.
+
+And now in the tumultous beatin's of my heart I owned up that I would
+ruther a hundred times it would be a burglar.
+
+Anything seemed to me better than to be alone at night with a ghost.
+
+But anon, as I quaked and trembled under that sheet, the voice spoke
+agin--
+
+"Samantha, are you awake?" And I sprung up in bed agin, and sez I--
+
+"Josiah Allen, where are you? Oh, save me, Josiah! save me!"
+
+The white figger turned. "Save you from what, Samantha? Is there a mouse
+under the bed, or is it a spider, or what?"
+
+"Who be you?" sez I, almost incoherently. "Be you a ghost? Oh, Josiah,
+Josiah!" And I sunk back onto the pillow and busted into tears. The
+relief wuz too great.
+
+But anon Wonder seized the place that Fear had held in my frame, and
+dried up the tear-drops, and I sprung up agin and sez--
+
+"What be you a-doin', Josiah Allen, rigged up as you be in the middle of
+the night, with the lights all a-burnin'?"
+
+For every gas jet in the room was a-blazin' high.
+
+Sez he, "I am posin' for a statute, Samantha."
+
+And come to look closter, I see he had took off the blanket and
+bedspread and had swathed 'em round his form some like a toga.
+
+And I see it wuz them that he wuz apostrofizin' and orderin' to lay down
+in folds and fall graceful.
+
+And somehow the idee of his takin' the bedclothes offen me seemed to mad
+me about as much as his foolishness and vanity did.
+
+And sez I, "Do you take off them bedclothes offen you, and put 'em back
+agin, and come to bed!"
+
+But he didn't heed me, he went on with his vain doin's and actin'.
+
+"I am impersonatin' Apollo!" sez he, a-layin' his head onto one side and
+a-lookin' at me over his shoulder in a kind of a languishin' way.
+
+Sez he, a-liftin' his heel, and holdin' it up a little ways, "I did
+think I would be Mercury, but I hadn't any wing handy for my off heel. I
+would be strikin' as Mercury," sez he, "but I think I would be at my
+best as Apollo. What do you think I had better be, Samantha?"
+
+[Illustration: "I would be strikin' as Mercury, but I think I would
+be at my best as Apollo."]
+
+"A loonatick would strike me as the right thing, Josiah Allen, or an
+idiot from birth.
+
+"Or," sez I, speakin' more ironicler as my fear died away, leavin' in
+its void a great madness and tiredness, "if you'd brung your scythe
+along you might personate Old Father Time."
+
+I guess this kinder madded him, and sez he, "Don't you want to pose,
+Samantha?
+
+"Don't you want to be the Witch of Endor?" sez he.
+
+"Yes," sez I, "I'd love to! If I _wuz_ her you'd see sights in this room
+that would bow your old bald head in horrow, and drive you, vain old
+creeter that you be, back where you belong."
+
+He wuz afraid he'd gone too fur, and sez he, "Mebby you'd ruther be
+Venus, Samantha? Mebby you'd ruther appear in the nude?"
+
+Sez I, coldly, "I should think that you'd done your best to make me
+appear in that way, Josiah Allen. There's only one thin sheet to keep me
+from it.
+
+"But," sez I, spruntin' up, "if you talk in that way any more to me I'll
+holler to Miss Plank!
+
+"Pardner or no pardner, I hain't a-goin' to be imposed upon this time of
+night!"
+
+Sez I, "I should be ashamed if I wuz in your place, the father and
+grandfather of a family, and the deacon in a meetin'-house, to be up at
+midnight a-posin' for statutes and actin'."
+
+"But," sez he, "I didn't know but they would want to sculp me while I
+wuz here in Chicago, and I thought I'd git a attitude all ready. You
+never know what may happen, and it's always well to be prepared, and
+attitudes are dretful hard to catch onto at a minute's notice."
+
+Sez I, "Do you come back to bed, Josiah Allen. What would they want of
+you for a statute?"
+
+"Wall," sez he, reluctantly relinquishin' his toga, or, in other words
+the flannel blanket and bedspread--
+
+"I see many a statute to-day with not half my good looks, and if Chicago
+wanted me to ornament it, I wanted to be prepared."
+
+I sithed aloud, and sez I--
+
+"Here I be waked up for good, as tired as I wuz, all for your vanity and
+actin'."
+
+"Wall," sez he, "Samantha, my mind wuz all so stirred up and excited by
+seein' so many ile paintin's and statutes to-day, that I felt dretful."
+And as he sez this my madness all died away, as the way of pardners is,
+and a great pity stole into my heart.
+
+I do spoze he wuz half delirous with seein' too much. Like a man who
+has oversot himself and come down on the floor.
+
+That man had been led round too much that day, for my own pleasure; to
+gratify my own esthetik taste I had almost ruined the pardner of my
+youth and middle age.
+
+His mind had been stretched too fur, for the size on't, so I sez
+soothin'ly--
+
+"Wall, wall, Josiah, come back to bed and go to sleep, and to-morrow
+we'll go and see some live stock and some plows and things."
+
+So at last I got him quieted down, though he did murmur once or twice in
+his sleep--Apollo! Hercules! etc., so I see what his inward state wuz.
+
+But towards mornin' he seemed to git into a good sound sleep, and I did
+too, and we waked up feelin' quite considerable rested and refreshed.
+
+And it wuzn't till I had a sick-headache bad, and he wuz more than good
+to me, and I see that he repented deep of it, that I forgive him fully.
+
+But of course it broke up our goin' to fashionable places agin to
+eat--he come out conqueror, after all--men are deep.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI.
+
+
+Wall, this mornin'--it bein' kind of a muggy and cloudy one, I proposed
+that we should go and visit the Fishery Department.
+
+And I d'no why I should a thought on it this mornin' more'n another
+one--only it wuz jest such a day as Josiah and Thomas Jefferson always
+took for goin' a-fishin' in the creek back of Jonesville.
+
+And then we had fish for breakfast too--siscoes--mebby that put me in
+mind on it some.
+
+But anyway, I wuz always interested in the subject of fishin', and the
+hull world is. For what wuz the Postles? Fishers. For what did the Great
+Master name His beloved? Fishers of men.
+
+Why, the Bible is full of fishin' and fisherman, clear back to Jonah;
+and how took up he wuz with a fish, and how full the fish wuz of him!
+
+Fishin' wuz the first industry in the New World.
+
+When our Forefathers landed on Plymouth Rock they found the harbor
+shaped some like a fish-hook, and then consequently they went to
+fishin'.
+
+Who got Washington and his army over the Delaware River that bitter cold
+night in 1777, when the fate of our country wuz a-hangin' over that sea
+of broken ice--ruin on this side, and possible success on the other, but
+the impassable gulf of bitter cold water and the crashing masses of ice
+between--who got 'em acrost? Fisherman.
+
+Our country has always been noted in its interest in fishin'. Why, at
+the Internatial Exhibition at Berlin in 1880, America won the first
+prize given by the Emperor for its display.
+
+And I knew when it done so well on a foreign shore, it wuzn't goin' to
+make any failure of itself here under its own line, and fish tree, so to
+speak.
+
+Wall, as I said, Josiah expressed a willingness to go, and consequently
+and subsequently we went.
+
+Wall, we found it wuz a group of buildin's on a beautiful island--in the
+northern part of the lagoon, joinin' the improved part of Jackson Park.
+
+There wuz three on em' in number. The middle one wuz a long buildin'
+with a high dome, and some towers in the centre on't, and the arches and
+the pillows wuz all ornamented off with figgers of fishes, and crabs,
+and lobsters, and all sorts of water growth. It looked uneek, and
+first-rate, too.
+
+And when I say it wuz a long buildin', I don't want it understood that
+I mean length as we call it in Jonesville, but Chicago length--or rather
+Chicago Jackson Park length, which is fur longer than jest plain Chicago
+largeness.
+
+In the centre of the big buildin' is a fish-pond all ornamented with
+rock work, and all sorts of aquatic plants.
+
+And then all joined on to the main buildin', at each end and connected
+with it by carved arches, handsome as arches wuz ever made in the world,
+and trimmed off in the uneek way I've mentioned prior to and beforehand,
+wuz two other buildin's, each one on 'em 135 feet long.
+
+The buildin' to the east is the aquarum, or live fish exhibit, and that
+to the west is to show off the anglin' exhibit. They wuz round and
+kinder double-breasted lookin' on both sides.
+
+The shape on 'em is called pollygon--probable named after the man's wife
+that built it. It had a good many sides to it--mebby Polly had to her. I
+know wimmen are falsely called seven-sided lots of times.
+
+Wall, in the middle of the buildin' designed for the aquarum is a big
+pool of water 26 feet in diameter; in the middle of the pool is a risin'
+up some rocks covered with moss and ferns, from which cool streams of
+water are a-drippin' and a-drizzlin' down onto the reeds and rushes,
+where the most gorgeous-colored fishes you ever see are playin' round in
+the water, as cool and happy in the middle of a meltin' summer-day--not
+needin' no fans or parasols, jest a-divin' and a-splashin' down in the
+wet water, and enjoyin' themselves. I bet lots of swelterin' folks jest
+envied 'em.
+
+Surroundin' this rotunda, under a glass ruff, runs two lines of
+aquarums, separated by a wide gallery--more'n fifty of 'em in all.
+
+In the fresh water wuz all kinds of fishes from all parts of the
+country, and the world. Salmons, muskalunges, the great Mississippi
+cat-fish, alligators, trout, white-fish, sun-fishes, etc., and etcetry.
+
+In the salt water wuz sharks, torpedoes, dog-fishes, goose-fishes,
+sheeps heads, blue-fishes, weak-fish, and strong ones, too, I should
+think--why, more'n I could name if I should talk all day.
+
+[Illustration: In the salt water wuz sharks, torpedoes, dog fishes,
+goose-fishes, weak-fish, and strong ones, too, I should think.]
+
+Why, I shouldn't a been surprised a mite if I had seen a-floatin' up to
+me that old Leviathan of Job's that "couldn't be pulled out with a hook,
+or his nose with a cord that wuz let down."
+
+Why, I wouldn't a been surprised at nothin'--I felt a good deal of the
+time jest like that in all of the buildin's, and I said so to my Josiah
+when he'd try to surprise me by lookin' at some strange thing. "No,
+Josiah," I would say, "I can't be surprised no more, the time for that
+has gone by--gone by, a long time ago."
+
+And then there wuz gobys, sticklebacks, sea-horses, devil-fishes, and I
+believe there wuz a jell fish, though I didn't see it.
+
+Though so fur as jell goes, as I told Josiah, I would ruther make my own
+jell out of my own berries and crab-apples, and then I know how it's
+made.
+
+But, howsumever, there wuz all the fishes that ever swum in America,
+Mexico, South America, Europe, and Asia, and I d'no but what there wuz a
+few from Africa. And to see on the bottom of them aquarums shells
+a-walkin' round, with the owners of them shells inside of 'em, wuz a
+sight to see.
+
+Why, any one here would have 60 or 70 emotions a minute right
+along--a-seein' these, and a-meditatin' on the wonders of the deep.
+
+And then there wuz the rainbow fish, which is found both on the Pacific
+and Atlantic coasts--it has all the colors the rainbow ever had, and
+more too.
+
+And then to see our own magnificent water-lilies a-floatin' on top of
+the water, and then to see 'em down under the water, with fishes
+a-floatin' all amongst 'em--oh, what a sight! what a sight it wuz!
+
+Outside of the buildin', when at last we did tear ourselves away from
+that seen of enchantment, and went outside, I upheld by my motive to see
+everything I could, and Josiah by the idee that we would step into a
+restaurant that wuzn't fur away.
+
+When outside we see a lot of ponds all illustratin' the best way of pond
+culture, and all sorts of aquatic plants.
+
+Wall, at Josiah's request, we went to the nighest place and had a cup of
+tea and a good little lunch.
+
+And then we went back to see the fish-hooks and things that is in the
+west buildin' of the group.
+
+Josiah said mebby he could git his eye on some new kind of a fish-hook.
+He said he'd love to go beyend Deacon Henzy and Sime Yerden if he
+could--they boasted so over their tackle.
+
+And truly I should have thought he might have gone ahead of anything, or
+anybody, if he could have carried 'em home. There wuz everything that
+could be thought on, or that ever wuz seen in the form of fishin'
+apparatus--every kind of hook, and spear, and rod, and queer-lookin'
+baskets and pots, and tackle to catch eels and lobsters, and then there
+wuz models of fishin' boats and vessels, and everything else under the
+sun that any fisherman ever sot eyes on, from Josiah back to the
+Postles, and from the Postles down to any fishin' club in 1893.
+
+Why, if you'll believe it--and I d'no as I would blame you if you
+wouldn't, it bein' a fish story, as it were--but we did see some
+fish-hooks from Pompeii that had been buried 2000 years, and come out
+fish-hooks after all--a good deal like them Josiah uses in Jonesville
+creek.
+
+And speakin' of old things, we see some fishes that day--the oldest in
+the world; they come from Colorado--dug out of the rocks of ages ago;
+they wuz covered with bone instead of scales, which showed that they had
+had a pretty hard time on't.
+
+[Illustration: They wuz covered with bone instead of scales.]
+
+And then there wuz a big collection of nets made by the Indians from
+seal sinew, seal-skin braided, roots of willow tree, and whalebone.
+
+Of these last it took four men three weeks to make one, and two of these
+wuz gin in exchange for a jug of molasses to make rum with.
+
+A shame and a disgrace! No savage would have cheated so--no, it takes a
+white man to do that.
+
+And we see artificial flies so nateral that a spider would go to weavin'
+a net to catch it.
+
+And artificial grasshoppers, and crickets, and frogs, and little
+artificial minney fish made of metal, glass, pearl, and rubber. Why, if
+I had seen one of 'em in the brook that runs through our paster, I
+should have been tempted to have bent a pin, and take some weltin' cord
+out of my pocket and go to fishin' for it.
+
+And if they fooled me, who am often called very wise, what would you
+think of their foolin' a fish, who hain't got any bump of wisdom on
+their heads?
+
+And then there wuz trollin' spoons of all kinds and shapes, in all kinds
+of metal, and trollin' squids--I'd never hearn of that name
+before--squid! but they had 'em of all kinds; and tackle boxes, and
+floats, and landin' nets, and gaff hooks; there is sunthin' else I never
+hearn on--gaff hooks! and snells, and gimps, and spinners.
+
+Why, I'd never hearn on 'em, and Josiah hadn't either, though he acted
+dretful knowin', and put on a face of extreme enjoyment and
+appreciation. And he sez, "How a man duz enjoy seein' such things that
+he's ust to and knows all about!"
+
+And I sez, "What do you do with squids, anyway, or gaffs, or snells?"
+
+"Why," sez he, "I should snell with 'em, and gaff, and squid. What do
+you spoze?"
+
+"How do you do it?" sez I. "How do you snell?"
+
+And then he had to own up that he didn't know how it wuz done.
+
+Truly it has been said that three questions will floor the biggest
+philosopher. But it only took two to take the pride and vainglory out of
+Josiah Allen.
+
+Wall, the information gathered together here from all parts of the
+world, and disseminated out to individuals of the collected world, will
+probable make a great difference in the enjoyment and practical benefit
+of the fisherman, and tell hard on the fishes of 1894.
+
+Wall, we stayed round here a-lookin' at 'em different buildin's till
+dark, and then we didn't see a thousandth nor a millionth part of what
+wuz to be seen there.
+
+And I hain't half described its wonders and glories as I'd ort to, and
+one reason is, nobody can describe any of the buildin's--no, not if they
+had the tongue of men and angels.
+
+No, they are too stupendous to describe.
+
+And then, agin, I have had a kind of a feelin' of delicacy that has kind
+of held me back--I have been hampered.
+
+For I have kep such a tight grip holt of my principle all the while I've
+been describin' it, that it has weakened the grasp of my good right
+hand on my steel pen.
+
+I knew well how hard, how almost impossible it wuz to talk about fishin'
+for any length of time without lyin'.
+
+But I know I have told Josiah time and agin that it wuz possible to do
+it, if you kep a firm holt of the hellum, and leaned heavy on principle.
+
+I have done it, and I am proud and happy in the thought.
+
+Unless, mebby, I have lied the other way. Good land! I didn't think of
+that; I wuz so determined to keep within bounds, that I am actually
+afraid that I've lied that way; in order not to tell the fish story too
+big, I hain't told it big enough.
+
+Good land! I guess I won't boast any more.
+
+Wall, seein' that I am in sunthin' of a hurry, I will let it go, and
+mebby if I should go over it agin I should lie the other way.
+
+Good land! good land! what a world this is, and with all your care and
+watchfulness, how hard it is to keep walkin' right along, in Injun file,
+along the narrer rope walk of megumness and exact truth.
+
+But I am a-eppisodin', and to resoom.
+
+Wall, as I said, we didn't git home till pitch dark, and then I drempt
+of fish all night, and eels, and alligators, and such. It wuz tegus.
+
+[Illustration: I drempt of fish all night.]
+
+The next mornin' Josiah Allen met me all riz up with a new idee.
+
+He had been out to buy a new pair of suspenders, his havin' gin out the
+day before; and he come to our room, where I wuz calmly settin'
+a-bastin' in some clean cotton lace into the sleeves of my alpaca dress.
+
+And sez he right out abrup, with no preamble, "Samantha, less go down to
+the Fair Ground in a whale."
+
+"In a whale?" sez I; "are you a loonatick, or what duz ail you, to try
+to make a pair of Jonahses of us at our age?"
+
+"Wall," sez he, "they have 'em here to carry folks down to the Fair, I
+know, for I hearn it straight, and I should think we wuz jest the right
+age to go as easy as possible, and try experiments."
+
+"Wall," sez I firmly, "I hain't a-goin' to try no such experiment as
+that. If the Lord called me to tackle a whale, I would tackle it, but I
+hain't had no callin', and I hain't goin' to try to ride out in no
+whale."
+
+"I'm a-callin' you," sez he.
+
+"Wall," sez I dryly, "you hain't the Deity--no, indeed, fur from it."
+
+"Wall," sez he, "I'd love to go, Samantha. What a glorious piece of news
+to carry back to Jonesville, that we rid out in a whale. In the old
+Jonesville meetin'-house now, when Elder Minkley is a-preachin' on
+Jonah--and you know he trots him out a dozen times a year as a
+warnin'--how you and I could lift up our heads and tost 'em, and how the
+necks of the Jonesvillians would be craned round to look at us--we two,
+who had rid out in a whale--we had been right there, and knew how it
+wuz."
+
+"I don't want to show off," sez I, "and I don't want any necks craned or
+tosted on account of my gettin' into a whale and ridin' it;" and then I
+sez, "Good land! what won't Chicago do next?"
+
+And I added, "It don't surprise me a mite; it hain't no more of a wonder
+than lots of things I have seen here. I might a known if Chicago had sot
+its mind on havin' a whale to transport folks to the World's Fair she'd
+a done it, but I won't tackle the job."
+
+"There it is," sez he gloomily, "I never make arrangements to
+distinguish myself and make a name, but you must break it up. I had
+lotted on this, Samantha," sez he.
+
+He looked sad and deprested, and though I was bound not to give in and
+go, yet I made some inquiries.
+
+"How many does the whale carry? What makes you think we could both git
+into it?"
+
+Sez Josiah, "It carries 5000 at a time."
+
+I felt weak as a cat, jest as I had felt time and agin sence I had come
+to Chicago.
+
+"Wall," sez I in weak axents, and dumbfoundered, "any whale story I
+could hear about Chicago wouldn't surprise me a mite."
+
+And I wiped my brow on my white linen handkerchief, for though the idee
+didn't surprise me none, it started the sweat.
+
+Sez Josiah, "It is 225 feet long, and has a fountain in it, and a
+skylight 138 feet long."
+
+But jest at that minute, before I could frame a reply, even if I could
+have found a frame queer-shaped enough to hold my curious--curious
+feelin's--
+
+Miss Plank knocked at the door and said she wuz ready to go--we had made
+arrangements to go together that mornin'--and Josiah tackled her about
+the whale; and sez she briskly--
+
+"Oh, yes; the whaleback Christopher Columbus! It would be a good idee to
+go to the grounds in it; you can go down in it in half an hour--it is
+only seven or eight milds."
+
+So we fell in with her idee; and bein' ust to the place, she took the
+lead, and also the street cars, and we soon found ourselves on board the
+biggest floatin' ship I ever laid eyes on. And I couldn't see as it
+looked much like a whale, unless it wuz that it wuz long, and kinder
+pinted, and turned up at both ends, some the shape of a whale.
+
+Wall, I guess the hull five thousand folks wuz on board, and had brung
+their relations on both sides. It looked like it, and we steamed along
+by the shore for quite a spell, the city a-layin' in plain view for mild
+after mild--or that is, in as plain view as it could be under its
+envelopin' curtain of smoke.
+
+But bimeby the smoke all cleared away, the air wuz clear and pure, and
+the lake lay fair and placid fur off as we could see. It might a been
+the ocean, for all we could tell, for you can't see no further than you
+_can_, anyway, and you can't see no further than that on the Atlantic or
+the Pacific.
+
+Way beyend what you can't see might stretch thousands and thousands of
+milds and a new continent; or it might be a loggin' camp, or Kalamazoo.
+It don't make no difference to your feelin's, it has all the illimitable
+expanse, the vastness of the great ocean.
+
+So it wuz with the outlook on the flashin' blue waters on that magic
+mornin'.
+
+And pretty soon the White City riz up like a city of bewilderin' beauty
+and enchantment, with the sun a-lookin' down from a blue sky, and
+lightin' up the tall, white walls, and gilded domes, and towers, and
+minarets. And as we floated along by Jackson Park, and could git a plain
+view of the perfect buildin's--the lagoons with fairy boats a-skimmin'
+over the sparklin' surface--in fact, in plain view of the hull vast,
+bewilderin' seen of matchless splendor--why, I declare I felt almost as
+if I wuz took back clear into the Arabian Nights Entertainments, and
+magic seens wuz bein' unfolded before my enraptured vision.
+
+Why, I almost felt that my Josiah wuz a genii, and Miss Plank a geniess.
+I wouldn't a wondered a mite any minute if a carpet had dropped down for
+us to git onto, and we floated off into Bagdad. I felt queer--extremely.
+
+But Bagdad nor no other Dad wuz ever so enchantin'ly lovely as the seen
+outspread before our eyes. As surpassin'ly beautiful as the Exposition
+is from every side, hind side and fore side, and from top to bottom, it
+is, I do believe, most radiantly lovely from the water approach.
+
+You needn't be a mite afraid of gittin' your idees too riz up about the
+onspeakable beauty of the seen. No matter if they wuz riz up higher than
+you ever drempt of rizin' 'em up, instead of fallin', they will, so to
+speak, find themselves on the ground floor--in the suller, as you may
+say--so fur up beyend your highest imagination is the reality of that
+wonderful White City of the West--
+
+Magic city that has sprung up there amidst the blue waters and green
+forests like a dream of enchantment, a hymn of glory, with not one
+false, harsh note in it to mar the glory and perfectness of the song.
+
+Now, I have had my idees riz up lots of times--they have riz and fell so
+much that my muse has fairly lamed herself time and agin, and went round
+limpin' for some time.
+
+And Josiah had told me time and agin, as I would go on about the beauty
+I expected to see at the World's Fair, "Samantha, you expect too much;
+you will get dissapinted; tain't Heaven you are goin' to; anybody would
+most expect, to hear you go on, that you expected to see the New
+Jerusalem--you are goin' to be dissapinted."
+
+Wall, sure enough I wuz, but the dissapintment wuz on the other side--I
+hadn't expected half nor a quarter nor a millionth part enough. My muse
+instead of comin' down from the heights that I spozed she wuz on
+a-cungerin' up that seen--to use metafor--she had always, as you may
+say, sot down flat on the ground.
+
+Why, I couldn't do justice to it in words, nor Josiah couldn't, nor Miss
+Plank couldn't, not if we all on us had a dictionary in one hand and a
+English reader in the other, and had travelled down there that beautiful
+mornin' with a brass band.
+
+I wuz so wropped up in my bewildered and extatic admiration that my
+companions wuz entirely lost from sight, when Miss Plank sez--
+
+"Here we are, ready to land." And indeed I see on comin' to myself that
+the hull 5000, and their relations on both sides, wuz on the move, and
+it wuz time for me to disembark myself, which I proceeded to do,
+a-follered by the forms of my Josiah and Miss Plank. She stepped out
+quite briskly over her namesake, and so did Josiah. They didn't take in
+the full beauty and grandeur of the seen as I did--no, indeed.
+
+[Illustration: I proceeded to disembark, a-follered by the forms of
+my Josiah and Miss Plank.]
+
+They could think of vittles even at that time, for I heard Josiah say--
+
+"We will settle on some place to go that is handy to a restaurant."
+
+And Miss Plank picked one where the biled corned beef wuz delicious, and
+the pies and coffee--
+
+Corned beef! oh, my heart, in such a time as this! Beef corned in such a
+hour! But I forgive 'em and pitied 'em, for it wuz my duty.
+
+Wall, we told Josiah he should have his way that mornin', and go where
+he wanted to--and he wanted to tackle Machinery Hall; consequently we
+tackled it.
+
+And how many acres big do you suppose this buildin' wuz? Seventeen acres
+and a half is the size of the floor--
+
+Jest half a acre more than Silenas Bobbetses farm, that he broke old
+Squire Bobbetses will to git, and he and his twin brother Zebulin come
+to hands and blows about, in front of the Jonesville post-office.
+
+Zebulin said it wuz too much land to give to one of the children--they
+wuz leven of 'em--and the farm didn't go round--the others didn't have
+only fifteen acres apiece.
+
+Yes; this one buildin' covered as much ground as Silenas Bobbet gits a
+good livin' from, a-raisin' cabbage and spinach.
+
+And the buildin' wuz seemin'ly all wrought of white marble, with
+statutes, and colonnades, and towers, and everything else for its
+comfort, and inside wuz every machine that wuz ever made or thought on,
+from a sassage-cutter and apple-parer to a steam engine in full blast.
+
+I believe they tuned up higher and louder when I went in--it wouldn't be
+nothin' surprisin' if they did, some as the brass band strikes up as the
+hero enters.
+
+This song wuz the loud, strong chorus of Labor, that echoes all over the
+world, grand chorus that is played by the full orkestry of the sons and
+daughters of toil.
+
+Oh, how many notes there is in this strong, ail-pervadin' anthem!
+Genius, and Patience, and Ambition, and Enterprise, and Ardent
+Endeavor--high notes, and low ones, all blent together, all tuned to the
+hauntin' key. It is a sam that shakes the hull earth with its might.
+
+As I entered this palace, sacred to its song, how its echoes rolled
+through my ear pans, how them pans seemed to fairly shiver under the
+mighty strokes of the song, and its weird, painful accompaniment of
+boilers a-boilin', rollin' mills a-rollin'!
+
+Water wheels, freight elevators--cranes a-cranin', derricks
+a-derrickin', divin' apparatus, fire-extinguishin' apparatus--
+
+Machines of all sorts and kinds to manufacture all sorts of goods, and
+all hands to work at it--silk, cotton, wool, linen, ingy-rubber, ropes,
+and paper.
+
+Saw-mills, wind-mills, printin'-presses a-pressin'. All sorts of tools
+to make all sorts of picters--engravin's, color printin'--picters from
+the 16th century up to 1893--they wuz relief engravin's.
+
+I spoze they are called so because it is such a relief to think we
+don't have to look at them old picters now.
+
+And there wuz half-tone processes, mechanical and medicinal processes,
+and every other process you ever hearn on, and didn't ever hear on,
+right there in a procession in front of me, and all a-processin'.
+
+And there wuz machines for makin' clocks, and watches, and jewelry, and
+buttons, and pins, and all kinds of appliances ever used in machinery,
+and stun, sawin', and glass-grindin' machinery a-grindin' and makin'
+bricks and pottery, and used in makin' artificial stun--the idee!
+
+You'd a thought the stun wuz all made before the Lord rested.
+
+And there wuz rollin' mills a-rollin', and forges a-forgin', and rollin'
+trains, and harnesses, and squeezers a-squeezin'--and every machine that
+wuz ever made to shape metals and tire mills, and mills that wuzn't
+tired, I guess--I didn't see any, but I spoze they wuz there. But they
+all looked tired to me--tired as a dog, but I spoze it wuz my feelin's.
+
+I see all through this buildin' that there wuz more wimmen than men
+there--which shows what interest wimmen takes in solid things as well as
+ornimental.
+
+Wall, we hung around there till I wuz fearfully wore out--with the
+sights I see and the noise I hearn--and it wuz a relief to my eyes and
+ears (and I believe them ear pans never will be the pans they wuz before
+I went in there)--it wuz a relief when my companion begun to feel the
+nawin's of hunger. And after we went through Machinery Hall we went
+through the machine shops, at a pretty good jog, and the power-house,
+where there is the biggest engine in the world--24,000 horse power.
+
+Good land! and in Jonesville we consider 4 horses hitched to a load
+_very_ powerful; but jest think of it, twenty-four thousand horses jest
+hitched along in front of each other--why, they would reach from our
+house clear to Zoar--the idee!
+
+But Josiah's inward state grew worse and worse, and finally sez he, in
+pitiful axents--
+
+"Samantha, I am in a starvin' state," and Miss Plank looked quite bad.
+
+So at their request we went a little further south to the White Horse
+Inn.
+
+This inn is a exact reproduction of the famous White Horse Inn in
+England. Thinkin' so much of Dickens as I do (introduced to him by
+Thomas Jefferson), it wuz a comfort to see over the mantlery-piece the
+well-known form of "Sam Weller," the old maid, and others of Dickenses
+characters, that seem jest as real to me as Thomas Jefferson, or Tirzah
+Ann.
+
+Over the main entrance is a statute of a white horse, lookin'
+considerable like our old mair, only more high-headed.
+
+The original inn had a open court, where stage-coaches drove in to
+unload, and from which Mr. Pickwick and his faithful Sam Weller often
+alighted.
+
+But instead of using it for horses now, they use it for a smokin'-room
+for men; they can't use it for both of 'em, for horses don't want to go
+in there--horses don't smoke; tobacco makes 'em sick--sick as a snipe.
+
+Man is the only animal, so fur as I know, who can have tobacco in any
+shape put into his mouth without resentin' it, it is so nasty.
+
+Wall, we got a good clean meal there at a reasonable price, though Miss
+Plank thought there wuzn't enough emptin' in the bread, and the sponge
+cake lacked sugar. But I think they know how to cook there--that inn is
+the headquarters of the Pickwick Club. Lots of English folks go there,
+as is nateral.
+
+Wall, after we had a lunch and rested for a spell, Josiah proposed that
+we should go and see the Transportation Buildin'.
+
+Miss Plank had to leave us now to go home and see about her cookin'. And
+we wended on alone.
+
+On our way there we met Thomas J. and Maggie and Isabelle. They wuz jest
+a-goin' to Machinery Hall. Maggie and Isabelle looked sweet as two
+new-blown roses, and Thomas J. smart and handsome.
+
+We stopped and visited quite a spell, real affectionate and agreeable.
+
+Oh, what a interestin' couple our son and his wife are! and Isabelle is
+a girl of a thousand.
+
+Krit had gone on to Dakota, on business, they said, but wuz comin' back
+anon--or mebby before.
+
+Truly, if anybody had kep track of their pride and self-conceit, and
+counted how many times it fell, and fell hard, too, durin' the World's
+Fair, it would have been a lesson to 'em on the vanity of earthly
+things, and a good lesson in rithmetic, too.
+
+Why, they couldn't tell the number of times unless they could go up into
+millions, and I d'no but trillions.
+
+Why, it would keep a-fallin' and a-fallin' the hull durin' time you wuz
+there, if you kep watch on it to see; but truly you didn't have no time
+to, no more'n you did your breathin', only when it took a little deeper
+fall than common, and then as it lay prostrate and wounded, it drawed
+your attention to it.
+
+Now, at Jonesville, the neighborin' wimmen had envied and looked up to
+my transportation facilities.
+
+Miss Gowdy and she that wuz Submit Tewksbury would often say to me--
+
+"Oh, if I had your way of gittin' round--if I could only have your way
+of goin' jest where you want to and when you want to!"
+
+Such remarks had fed my vanity and pride.
+
+And I will own right up, like a righteous sinner, that I had ofttimes,
+though I had on the outside a becomin' appearance of modesty--
+
+Yet on the inside I wuz all puffed up by a feelin' of my superior
+advantages--
+
+As I would set up easy on the back seat of the democrat, and the old
+mair would bear me on gloriously, and admired by the neighborin' wimmen
+who walked along the side of the road afoot, and anon the old mair
+a-leavin' 'em fur behind.
+
+And, like all high stations, that back seat in the democrat and that
+noble old mair had brung down envy onto me and mean remarks.
+
+It come straight back to me--Miss Lyman Tarbox told she that wuz Sally
+Ann Mayhew, and she that wuz Sally Ann told the minister's wife, and she
+told her aunt, and her aunt told my son-in-law's mother, and Miss
+Minkley told Tirzah Ann, and she told me--it come straight--
+
+"That Josiah Allen's wife looked like a fool, and acted like one,
+a-settin' up a-ridin' whenever she went anywhere, while them that wuz
+full as likely walked afoot!"
+
+I took them remarks as a tribute to my greatness--a plain
+acknowledgement of my superior means of locomotion and transportation.
+
+They didn't break the puff ball of my vanity and pride, and let the wind
+out--no, indeed!
+
+But alas! alas! as I entered the Transportation Buildin', and looked
+round me, there wuz no gentle prick to that overgrown puff ball to let
+the gas out drizzlin'ly and gradual--no, there wuz a sudden smash, a
+wild collapse, a flat and total squshiness--the puff ball wuz broke into
+a thousand pieces, and the wind it contained, where wuz it? Ask the
+breezes that wafted away Caesar's last groans, that blowed up the dust
+over buried Pompeii.
+
+The buildin' itself wuz a sight--why, it is 960 feet long, and the
+cupola in the centre 166 feet high, with eight elevators to take you up
+to it; the great main entrance wuz all overlaid with gold--looked full
+as good as Solomon's temple, I do believe--and broad enough and big
+enough for a hull army of giants to walk through abreast, and then room
+enough for Josiah and me besides.
+
+But it wuz on the inside of it that my pride fell and broke all to
+pieces, as I looked round me and down the long distance behind and
+before me.
+
+I knew--for I had been told--that one fourth of all the savin's of
+civilized man is invested in railroads, and when I thought of how
+dretful rich some men and countries are, and kings and emperors, etc., I
+felt prepared to do homage to a undertakin' that had swallowed up one
+fourth of all that accumulated wealth.
+
+But sence the world begun, never had there been a exhibition before
+showin' all the railroad systems of the world side by side, all the big
+American railroads, and great Britain, and France, and Germany.
+
+The Baltimore and Ohio exhibit shows how the railroads of the world have
+been thought out gradual, and come up from nothin' to what they
+are--grew up from a little steam carriage that wuz shut up in Paris in
+1760 as bein' disordely.
+
+"Disordely!" Good land! there never wuz a new idee worth anything in
+this world but has been called "disordely" by fools.
+
+You can see that very little carriage here at the Fair; after bein' shut
+up for two hundred years, it comes out triumphant, just as Columbus has.
+
+Stevensonses first engine is here--an exact reproduction--and the hull
+caboodle of the first attempts leadin' up to the engines of to-day.
+
+Dretful interestin' to look at these rough little inventions and to
+speculate on what prophetic strivin's, and yearnin's, and heartaches,
+and despairs, and triumphs went into every one on 'em.
+
+For every one on 'em wuz follered, as a man is by his black shadder, by
+the cold, evil spirits of unbelief, malice, envy, and cheatin'.
+
+The sun the inventors walked under--the glowin' sun of prophecy and
+foreknowledge--always casts such shadders, some as our sun duz, only
+blacker.
+
+And every one of them old engines by the help of machinery is moved and
+turned, just as if Old Time himself had laid his hour-glass offen his
+head, and wuz a-puttin' his old shoulders under their iron shafts, and
+a-settin' them to goin' agin, after so long a time.
+
+How I wished as I looked at 'em that Stevenson and the rest of them men
+who lived, and worked, and suffered ahead of their time, could a been
+there to see the fruit of their glowin' fancies blow out in full bloom!
+
+But then I thought, as I looked out of a winder into the clear, blue
+depths of sky overhead, Like as not they are here now, their souls
+havin' wrought out some finer existence, so etheral that our coarser
+senses couldn't recognize 'em--mebby they wuz right here round the old
+home of their thoughts, as men's dreams will hang round the homes of
+their boyhood.
+
+Who knows now? I don't, nor Josiah.
+
+The New York Central exhibit shows the old Mohawk and Hudson train, a
+model of the first locomotive sot a-goin' on the Hudson in 1807 with a
+boundin' heart and a tremblin' hand by Robert Fulton, and which wuz
+pushed off from the pier and propelled onwards by the sneerin', mockin',
+unbelievin' laughs of the spectators as much as from the breezes that
+swept up from the south.
+
+I would gin a cent freely and willin'ly if I could a seen Robert stand
+there side by side with that old locomotive and the fastest lightin'
+express of to-day--like seed and harvest--with Josiah and me for a
+verdant and sympathizin' background.
+
+Oh, what a sight it would a been, if his emotions could a been laid
+bare, and mine, too!
+
+It would a been a sight long to remember.
+
+But to resoom.
+
+The first locomotive ever seen in Chicago wuz there a-puffin' out its
+own steam. It must felt proud-sperited in all of its old jints, but it
+acted well and snorted with the best on 'em. The 999, the fastest engine
+in the world, wuz by the side of the Clinton, the first engine ever
+made. I opened the coach door and got in. It looked jest like a common
+two-seated buggy of to-day, with seats on top, and water and wood to run
+it with kep in barrels behind the engine.
+
+And England and Germany, not to be outdone, brung over some of their
+finest railroads. Why, Wales brought over some of the actual stun ties
+and iron rails of the first railway in Great Britain; and as for the
+splendor of the coaches, they go beyend anything that wuz ever seen in
+the world. Side by side with the finest passenger coaches that London
+sends stands the Canadian Pacific, with its dinin' and sleepin' cars,
+and you can form an idee about the richness on 'em when I tell you that
+the woodwork of 'em is pure mahogany.
+
+And then the other big railroads, not to be outdone, they have their
+finest and most elegant cars on show--
+
+The Pullman and Wagner and the Empire State, with its lightnin' speed,
+and post-office and newspaper cars, and freight, and express, and
+private cars.
+
+There is a German exhibit of some of them likely ambulance cars used by
+the Red Cross Society in war time--cars that angels bend over as the
+poor dyin' ones are carried from the battle-field--angels of Healin' and
+of Pain.
+
+Then the Belgians have a full exhibit of the light, handy vehicles of
+all shapes, from a barrel to a basket, that they make to run on rails.
+Platforms movin' by the instantaneous action of the Westinghouse brake
+on a train of one hundred cars is a sight to see.
+
+There are railroads for goin' like lightin' over level roads, and goin'
+up and down, and all sorts of street cars, a-goin' by horses, or mules,
+or lightnin', as the case might be. President Polk's old carriage looked
+jest like Grandpa Smedly's great-grandfather's buggy, that stands in
+this old stun carriage house, and has stood there for 100 years and
+more.
+
+And all sorts of gorgeous carriages that wuz ever seen or hearn on, and
+carts, and wagons, and buggies, from a tallyho coach to a invalid's
+chair and a wheelbarrow, and from a toboggan to a bicycle, and
+palanquins of Japan, China, India, and Africa.
+
+Howdahs for elephants, saddles for camels, donkey exhibits from South
+America and Egypt, the rig of the water-carriers of Cairo, the
+milk-sellers of South America, and the cargados, or human pack-horses,
+of both sexes of that country--models that show the human and brute
+forms of labor.
+
+Models of ox-carts, used in Jacob's time, and in which, I dare presoom
+to say, Old Miss Jacob ust to go a-visitin' to old Miss Abraham and
+Isaac, and mebby stay all day, she and the children.
+
+[Illustration: Ox-cart in which old Miss Jacob ust to go
+a-visitin'.]
+
+And pneumatic tubes that I spoze will be used fur more in the future,
+and for more various uses, and all kinds of balloons and air-ships.
+
+Balloon transportation--ridin' through the air swift as the wind--what
+idees that riz up under my fore-top, of takin' breakfast to home, and
+a-eatin' supper with the Widder Albert, or some of her folks, and
+spendin' the night with the Sphynx, a-settin' out by moonlight on the
+pyramids--a-settin' on the top stun, my feet on another one, and my chin
+in my hand, a-meditatin' on queer things, and a-neighborin' with 'em.
+From Jonesville to the Desert of Sarah, in a flash, as it were.
+
+Where wuz the old democrat--where, oh, where wuz she? Ask the ocean
+waves as they break in thunder on the cliff, and hain't heard from no
+more--ask 'em, and if they answer you, you may hear from the old
+democrat.
+
+And then there wuz all kinds of vessels, and boats, and steamships, and
+canal-boats, and yachts, and elevators, and water railways.
+
+Why, right there in plain sight wuz a section sixty feet long of one of
+the new Atlantic steamers, cut out of the ship, some as you cut a
+quarter out of an orange, or cut off a stick of candy.
+
+You can see the hull of the ship in that one piece, from the hold to the
+upper deck--it looks like a structure five stories high--it shows the
+state-room, saloon, music-room, and so forth, fitted up exactly as they
+are at sea, gorgeous and comogeous in the extreme.
+
+And here is the reproduction of the Viking ship, nine hundred years
+old--dug up in a sand-hill in Norway, in 1880. It is fitted up exactly
+as the Storm Kings of one thousand years ago used 'em--thirty-two oars,
+each seventeen feet long. Mebby that same ship brung over some Vikings
+here when the old Newport Mill wuz new.
+
+The English exhibit has a model of H.M.S. Victoria, three hundred and
+sixty feet long; there is a immense lookin'-glass behind this model, so
+as to make it look complete, and it is a sight to behold--a sight.
+
+Why, the U.S. has models of their great steamships, the Etruria and
+the Umbria, and there are every kind of vessels that wuz ever hearn on,
+for trade, pleasure, or war, and all kinds of Oriental ships, and all
+kinds of craft that ever floated in every ocean and river of the known
+world.
+
+From a miniature Egyptian canoe, found in a tomb, to the sheep-skin
+rafts of the Euphrates and the dugouts of Africa, with sails, to the
+gorgeous sail-boats of the Adriatic and the most ancient vessels in the
+world.
+
+What a sight! what a sight! It would take weeks to jest count 'em, let
+alone studyin' 'em as you ort.
+
+And every machine in the known world for propellin' boats and railways,
+from steam to lightnin'.
+
+Where wuz my old mair in such a seen? Oh, ask my droopin' sperits where
+wuz she?
+
+And there wuz everything about protection of life and property,
+communication at sea, protection against storms and fire, and all kinds
+of light-houses and divin' apparatus, and pontoons for raisin' sunken
+vessels out of the depths of the sea.
+
+And relics of Arctic explorations, every one on 'em weighted down with
+memories of cold, and hunger, and frozen death.
+
+And then there wuz movin' platforms and sidewalks. The idee! What
+would Submit and Miss Henzy say--to go out from our house and stand
+stun-still on the side of the road and be moved over to Miss Solomon
+Corkses!
+
+Oh, my soul, oh, my soul, think on't!
+
+And there wuz what they called a gravity road.
+
+And I asked Josiah "what he spozed that wuz?" and he said,
+
+"He guessed it meant our country roads in the spring or fall."
+
+Sez he, "If them roads won't make a man feel grave to drive over 'em, or
+a horse feel grave, too, as they are a-wadin' up to their knees in the
+mud, and a-draggin' a wagon stuck half way up over the hub in slush and
+thick mud"--
+
+Sez he, "If a man won't feel grave under such circumstances, and a
+horse, too, then I don't know what will make him."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "if I wuz in Uncle Sam's place I wouldn't try to display
+'em to foreign nations." Sez I, "They are disgraces to our country, and
+I would hush 'em up."
+
+"Yes," sez Josiah; "that is a woman's first idee to cover up sunthin'."
+
+Sez he, "I honor the old man a-comin' right out and ownin' up his
+weaknesses. The country roads are shameful, and he knew it, and he knew
+that we knew it; so why not come right out open and show 'em up?"
+
+"Wall," sez I, "it would look as well agin in him to show a good road--a
+good country road, that one could go over in the spring of the year
+without wishin' to do as Job did--curse God and die."
+
+Sez Josiah, "Job didn't do that; his wife wanted him to, and he refused;
+men hain't profane naterally."
+
+"Josiah Allen," sez I, "the language you have used over that Jonesville
+road in muddy times has been enough to chill the blood in my veins. Tell
+me that men hain't profane!"
+
+"Not naterally, I said; biles and country roads is enough to make Job
+and me swear." And he looked gloomy as he thought of the stretch from
+Grout Hozletons to Jonesville, and how it looked from March till June.
+
+"Wall," sez I, "less get our minds off on't," and I hurried him on to
+look at the Austrian exhibit, and the Alps seemed to git his mind off
+some.
+
+There they wuz. There was the Alps, with a railroad in the foreground;
+then the ship of the Invincible Armada, in the Madrid exhibit, seemed to
+take up his mind; and all of the guns, from the fifteenth century on to
+our day; and the Spanish collection of models of block-houses, forts,
+castles, towers, and so forth.
+
+In the middle of the main buildin' stood two big masts fifty feet
+high--one of our own day, with every modern convenience; the other like
+them masts on them ships of Columbus.
+
+I hope our sails will waft on the ship of our country to as great a
+success as Columbuses did. Mebby it will; I hope so.
+
+Wall, after we left the Transportation Buildin', sez Josiah, "I am dead
+sick of grandeur, and palaces 30 and 40 acres big, and gildin', and
+arches, and pillars, and iron."
+
+Sez he, "I would give a cent this minute to see our sugar house, and if
+I could see Sam Widrig's hovel, where he keeps his sheep, and our old
+log milk house, I'd be willin' to give a dollar bill."
+
+"Wall," sez I, in a kinder low voice, for I didn't want it to git out--I
+felt that I would ruther lose no end of comfort than to hurt the
+Christopher Columbus World's Fair's feelin's--
+
+I whispered, "I feel jest exactly as you do. And," sez I, "less go and
+find a cabin and some huts if we can, and a board."
+
+So we, havin' been told before where we should find these, wended our
+way to the Esquimo village, and lo! there wuz a big board fence round
+it.
+
+And Josiah went up and laid his hand on them good hemlock boards
+lovin'ly, and sez he, "It looks good enough to eat." I could hardly
+withdraw him from it--he clung to it like a brother.
+
+[Illustration: "It looks good enough to eat."]
+
+Wall, inside that board fence wuz a number of cabins or huts, containin'
+some of 'em a hide bag or a bed, a dog sled with some strips of tin for
+a harness, and some plain tables, white as snow in some huts, and in
+some as black as dirt could make 'em.
+
+There wuz about fifty or sixty males and females and children there, and
+one on 'em, a little bit of a baby, born right there on the Fair ground.
+
+She wuz about as big as a little toy doll. She wuz a-swingin' there in a
+little hammock, and she didn't seem to care a mite whether she wuz born
+up to the Arctic Pole or in Chicago. Good land! what did she care about
+the pole? Mother love wuz the hull equatorial circle to her, and it wuz
+a-bendin' right over her.
+
+The little mother had pantaloons on, and didn't seem to like it; she had
+a long jacket and some moccasins.
+
+Right there inside of that board fence is as good a object lesson as
+you'll find of the cleansin' and elevatin' power of the Christian
+religion. There wuz two heathen families, and their cabins wuz dirty and
+squalid, while the Christianized homes are as clean and pure as hands
+can make 'em.
+
+First godliness, and then cleanliness.
+
+The way the Esquimos tell their age is to have a bag with stuns in it
+for years. Every year in the middle of summer they drop a stun in. How
+handy that would be for them who want to act young--why jest let the
+summer run by without droppin' the stun in, or let a hole come sort o'
+axidental in the bag, and let a few drop out. But, then, what good would
+it do?
+
+Sence Old Time himself is a-storin' up the stunny years in his bag that
+can't be dickered with, or deceived.
+
+And he will jest hit you over the head with them stuns; they will hit
+your head and make it gray--hit your eyes, and they will lose their
+bright light--hit your strong young limbs and make 'em weak and sort o'
+wobblin'.
+
+What use is there a-tryin' to drop 'em out of your own private
+collection of stuns?
+
+But to resoom. The Esquimos show forth some traits that are dretful
+interestin' to a philosopher and a investigator.
+
+They do well with what they have to do with.
+
+Now, no sewin' machine ever made finer stitches than they take on their
+sleepin' bags and their rain coats, etc.
+
+But the thread they use is only reindeer sinews split fine with their
+teeth.
+
+What would they do with sewin' silk and No. 70 thread?
+
+I believe they would do wonders if they had things to do with.
+
+There wuz one young boy who they said wuz fifteen, but he didn't look
+more'n seven or eight. He looked out from his little cap that come right
+up from his coat, or whatever you call it; it looks some like the loose
+frock that Josiah sometimes wears on the farm, only of course Josiah's
+don't have a hood to it.
+
+No, indeed; I never can make him wear a hood in our wildest storms, nor
+a sun-bunnet.
+
+But this little Esquimo, whose name is Pomyak, he looked out on the
+world as if he wuz a-drinkin' in knowledge in every pore; he looked
+kinder cross, too, and morbid. I guess lookin' at ice-suckles so much
+had made his nater kinder cold.
+
+And who knows what changes it will make in his future up there in the
+frozen north--his summer spent here in Chicago?
+
+Anyway, durin' the long, long night, he will always have sunthin'
+besides the northern lights to light up its darkness.
+
+What must memory do for him as he sits by the low fire durin' the six
+months night?
+
+Cold and blackness outside, and in his mind the warm breath of summer
+lands, the gay crowds, the throng of motley dressed foreigners, the
+marvellous city of white palaces by the blue waters.
+
+Wall, Josiah got real rested and sort o' sot up agin. And he laid his
+hand agin lovin'ly on the boards as we left the seen.
+
+Wall, on our way home I had an awful trial with Josiah Allen. Mebby what
+he had seen that day had made him feel kind o' riz up, and want to act.
+
+He and I wuz a-wendin' our way along the lagoon, when all of a sudden he
+sez--
+
+"Samantha, I want to go out sailin' in a gondola--I want to swing out
+and be romantic," sez he.
+
+Sez he, "I always wanted to be romantic, and I always wanted to be a
+gondolier, but it never come handy before, and now I will! I _will_ be
+romantic, and sail round with you in a gondola. I'd love to go by
+moonlight, but sunlight is better than nothin'."
+
+[Illustration: "I want to swing out and be romantic and sail round
+with you in a gondola."]
+
+I looked down pityin'ly on him as he stood a few steps below me on the
+flight o' stairs a-leadin' down to the water's edge.
+
+I leaned hard on my faithful old umbrell, for I had a touch of rumatiz
+that day.
+
+And sez I, "Romance, Josiah, should be looked at with the bright eyes of
+youth, not through spectacles No. 12." Sez I, "The glowin' mist that
+wrops her round fades away under the magnifyin' lights of them specs,
+Josiah Allen."
+
+He had took his hat off to cool his forward, and I sez further--
+
+"Romance and bald heads don't go together worth a cent, and rumatiz and
+azmy are perfect strangers to her. Romance locks arms with young souls,
+Josiah Allen, and walks off with 'em."
+
+"Oh, shaw!" sez Josiah, "we hain't so very old. Old Uncle Smedly would
+call us young, and we be, compared to him."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "through the purblind gaze of ninety winters we may look
+younger, but bald heads and spectacles, Josiah Allen, tell their own
+silent story. We are not young, Josiah Allen, and all our lyin' and
+pretendin' won't make us so."
+
+"Wall, dum it all! I never shall be any younger. You can't dispute
+that."
+
+"No," sez I; "I don't spoze you will, in this spear."
+
+"Wall, I am bound to go out in a gondola, I am bound to be a gondolier
+before I die. So you may as well make up your mind first as last, and
+the sooner I go, the younger I shall go. Hain't that so?"
+
+With a deep sithe I answered, "I spoze so."
+
+And he continued on, "There is such wild, free pleasure on the deep,
+Samantha."
+
+But, sez I, layin' down the sword of common sense, and takin' up the
+weepons of affection,
+
+"Think of the dangers, Josiah. The water is damp and cold, and your
+rumatiz is fearful."
+
+"Dum it all! I hain't a-goin' _in_ the water, am I?"
+
+"I don't know," sez I sadly, "I don't know, Josiah, and anyway the winds
+sweep down the lagoons, and azmy lingers on its wings. Pause, Josiah
+Allen, for my sake, for liniments and poultices as well as clouds have
+their dark linin's, and they turn 'em out to me as I ponder on your
+course." Sez I, "Your danger appauls me, and also the idee of bein' up
+nights with you."
+
+"But," sez he firmly, "I _will_ be a gondolier, I'm bound on't. And,"
+sez he, "I want one of them gorgeous silk dresses that they wear. I'd
+love to appear in a red and yeller suit, Samantha, or a green and
+purple, or a blue and maroon, with a pink sash made of thin glitterin'
+silk, but I spoze that you will break that up in a minute. So, I spoze
+that I shall have to dwindle down onto a silk scarf, or some plumes in
+my hat, mebby--you never are willin' for me to soar out and spread
+myself, but you probable wouldn't break up a few feathers."
+
+I groaned aloud, and mentally groped round for aid, and instinctively
+ketched holt of religion.
+
+Sez I, "Elder Minkley is here, Josiah Allen, and Deacon
+Henzy--Jonesville church is languishin' in debt. Is this a time for
+feathers? What will they think on't? If you can spend money for silk
+scarfs and plumes, they'll expect you, and with good reason, too, to
+raise the debt on the meetin'-house."
+
+He paused. Economy prevailed; what love couldn't effect or common sense,
+closeness did.
+
+His brow cleared from its anxious, ambitious creases, and sez he, "Wall,
+do come on and less be goin."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII.
+
+
+It rained some in the mornin', and Josiah said, "That it wuz
+presumptious for any one to go out onto the Fair ground in such a time."
+
+So he settled down with the last Sunday's _World_, which he hadn't had
+time to read before, and looked and acted as if he wuzn't goin' to stir
+out of his tracks in some time.
+
+[Illustration: He wuzn't goin' to stir.]
+
+But I went out onto the stoop and kinder put my hand out and looked up
+into the clouds clost, and I see that it didn't do no more than to mist
+some, and I felt as if it wuz a-goin' to clear off before long.
+
+So I said that I wuz a-goin' to venter out.
+
+Josiah opposed me warmly, and brung up the dangers that might befall me
+with no pardner to protect me.
+
+He brung up a hull heap on 'em and laid 'em down in front of me, but I
+calmly walked past 'em, and took down my second-best dress and bunnet,
+and a good deep water-proof cape, and sot off.
+
+Wall, I got to the Fair ground with no casualities worth mentionin', and
+I sauntered round there with my faithful umbrell as my only gardeen,
+and see a sight, and took considerable comfort.
+
+I had a good honorable lunch at noon, and I wuz a-standin' on the steps
+of one of the noble palaces, when I see a sedan chair approachin' shaped
+jest like them in my old Gography, borne by two of the men who carry
+such chairs. Curius-lookin' creeters they be, with their gay turbans and
+sashes, and long colored robes lookin' some like my long night-gowns,
+only much gayer-lookin'.
+
+As it approached nearer I see a pretty girlish face a-lookin' out of the
+side from the curtains that wuz drawed away, a sweet face with a smile
+on it.
+
+And I sez to myself, "There is a good, wholesome-lookin' girl, who don't
+care for the rain no more than I do," when I heard a man behind me say
+in a awe-strucken voice, "That is the Princess! that is the Infanty!"
+
+[Illustration: "There is a good, wholesome-lookin' girl."]
+
+And I sez to myself, here is a chance to put yourself right in her eyes.
+For I wuz afraid that she would think that I hadn't done right by her
+sence she come over from Spain to see us.
+
+And I didn't want her to go back with any false impressions. I wanted
+Spain to know jest where I stood in matters of etiquette and
+politeness.
+
+So it happened jest right--she descended from her chair and stood
+waitin' on the steps for the rest of her folks, I guess.
+
+And I approached with good nater in my mean, and my umbrell in my hand.
+
+And sez I, a-holdin' out my hand horsepitably, sez I, "Ulaley, I am
+dretful glad of a chance to see you." Sez I, "You have had so much
+company ever sence you come to America, that I hain't had no chance to
+pay attention to you before.
+
+"And I wanted to see you the worst kind, and tell you jest the reason I
+hain't invited you to my house to visit." Sez I, a-bowin' deep, "I am
+Josiah Allen's Wife, of Jonesville."
+
+"Of Jonesville?" sez she, in a silver voice.
+
+"Yes," sez I; "Jonesville, in the town of Lyme."
+
+Sez I, "You have probable read my books, Ulaley." Sez I, "I spoze they
+are devoured all over the World as eager as Ruger's Arithmetic, or the
+English Reader."
+
+She made a real polite bow here, and I most knew from her looks that she
+wuz familiar with 'em.
+
+And I kep right on, and sez I--
+
+"From everything that I have hearn on you ever sence you come here I
+have took to you, jest as the hull of the rest of America has. We think
+a sight on you--you have shown a pattern of sweetness, and grace, and
+true politeness, that is long to be remembered.
+
+"And I want you to know that the only reason that I hain't invited you
+to Jonesville to visit me is that you have had such sights and sights of
+company and invitations here and there, that I told Josiah that I
+wouldn't put another effort onto you.
+
+"I sez to him, sez I, 'There are times when it is greater kindness to
+kinder slight anybody than it is to make on 'em.' And I told Josiah that
+though I would be tickled enough to have you come and stay a week right
+along, and though, as I sez to him,
+
+"'The Infanty may feel real hurt to not have me pay no attention to
+her,' still I felt that I had Right on my side.
+
+"Sez I, 'It is enough to kill a young woman to have to be on the go all
+the time, as she has had to.' Sez I, 'The American Eagle has jest driv
+her about from pillar to post. And Uncle Sam has most wore his old legs
+out a-escortin' her about "from pleasure to palaces," as the Him reads.'
+
+"And then, sez I, 'She has had considerable to do with Ward McAllister,
+and he's dretful wearin'.'
+
+"He's well-meanin', no doubt, and I have a good deal of sympathy for
+him. For, as I told Josiah, he's gittin' along in years, and I don't
+know what pervision eternity would give to him in the way of
+entertainment and use. He can't expect to go on there to all eternity
+a-samplin' wine, and tyin' neckties, and makin' button-hole bokays.
+
+"And I don't suppose that he will be allowed to sort out the angels, and
+learn 'em to bow and walk backwards, and brand some on 'em four hundred,
+and pick out a few and brand 'em one hundred, and keep some on 'em back,
+and let some on 'em in, and act.
+
+"I d'no what is a-goin' to be done in the next world, the home of
+eternal Truth and Realities, with a man who has spent his hull life
+a-smoothin' out and varnishin' the husks of life, and hain't paid no
+attention to the kernel.
+
+"He tires America dretful, Ward duz, and I spoze like as not he'd be
+still more tuckerin' to Spain, not bein' used to him, and then, too,
+she's smaller, Spain is, and mebby can't stand so much countin' and
+actin'. So, as I said to Josiah, 'The Infanty is a-havin' a hard time
+on't with the Ward McAllisters of society;' for, sez I, 'Though she has
+set 'em a pattern of simple courtesy and good manners every time she's
+had a chance, I knew them four hundred well enough to know that it
+wouldn't be took.' I knew that the American Republic, as showed out by
+Ward McAllister and his 'postles, wouldn't be contented to use the
+simple, quiet courtesy of a Royal Princess.
+
+"No; I knew America and Jonesville would have to see 'em a-goin' on, and
+actin', and a-plannin' which foot ort to be advanced first, and how many
+long breaths and how many short ones could be genteelly drawed by 'em
+durin' a introduction, and how many buttons their gloves must have, and
+how many inches the tops of their heads ort to come from the floor when
+they bowed, and whether their little fingers ort to be held still, or
+allowed to move a little.
+
+"And while Ward and his 'postles was drawed up in a line on one side of
+the ball-room, and not dastin' to move hand or foot for fear they
+wouldn't be moved genteel, you got dead tired a-waitin' for 'em to make
+a move of some kind.
+
+"It wuz a weary, tuckerin' sight to America and me, and must have been
+dretful for you to gone through.
+
+"And I sez to Josiah, 'It is no wonder that the Infanty got so tired of
+them performances that she had to set down and rest.
+
+"It tired America so a-seein' 'em a-pilotin' the party that she would
+have been glad to have sot down and rested.
+
+"Now if I'd invited you, Ulaley, as I wanted to, I wuzn't a-calculatin'
+to draw up Josiah and the boys and Ury on one side of the room, and the
+girls and myself in a line on the other side, and not dastin' to advance
+and welcome you for fear I wouldn't put the right foot out first, or
+wouldn't put in the right number of breaths a second I ort to.
+
+"No; I should have forgot myself in the pleasure of welcomin' you. I
+should have advanced to once with pride and welcome in every line of my
+liniment, and held out my hand in a respectful and joyful greetin', and
+let you know in every move I made how proud and glad I wuz to see you,
+and how proud and glad I wuz you could see me, and then I should have
+introduced Josiah and the children, who would have showed in their happy
+faces how truly welcome you wuz to Jonesville. You'd've enjoyed it first
+rate, Ulaley, and if there had been any difference in our manners from
+what you'd been used to, and we might have made a bow or two less than
+you wuz accustomed to, why, your good sense would have told you that
+manners in Jonesville wuz different from Madrid, and you'd expect it and
+enjoy the difference, mebby.
+
+"Of course, I knew that we couldn't do by you exactly as they do in
+Spain in the way of amusement--we couldn't git up no bull fight, not
+havin' the two materials.
+
+"But Josiah has got a old pair of steers down in our back medder that
+was always touchy and kinder quarrelsome. They are gittin' along in
+years, but mebby there is some fight left in 'em yet.
+
+"I think like as not that Josiah and Ury could have got 'em to kinder
+backin' up and kickin' at each other, and actin'.
+
+"I wouldn't gin a cent to seen it go on, but it would have been
+interesting I hain't a doubt on't, to them that wuz gin to that sort o'
+things.
+
+"But, as I sez, I wouldn't put it on you, Ulaley."
+
+The Infanty looked real pleasant here--she almost laughed, she looked so
+amiable at me; she realized well that she wuz a-meetin' one of the first
+wimmen of the nation, and that woman wuz a-doin' well by her.
+
+"But, as I say, Ulaley, I knew that it wuz too hard for you. I knew that
+between them Ward McAllisters of society, and the hosts of your honest
+admirers, from Uncle Sam down to Commander Davis and Miss Mayor Gilroy,
+you wuz fairly beat out. And I wouldn't put you to the extra effort of
+comin' to Jonesville. I hated to give it up, but Duty made me, and I
+want you to understand it and to explain it all out to Spain jest how it
+wuz."
+
+She smiled real sweet, and said she would, and she said "that she
+appreciated my thoughtful kindness."
+
+She wuz too much of a lady to talk about them that had entertained her.
+
+And I spoze she _had_ been entertained through them New York parties.
+She's quite a case for fun, and we got to feelin' real well acquainted
+with each other, and congenial.
+
+She looked dretful pretty as she looked out sideways at me and smiled.
+She's as pretty as a pink.
+
+And sez she, "You are very kind, madam; I highly appreciate your
+goodness."
+
+"Yes," sez I, "it wuz nothin' but goodness that kep me back, for Josiah
+and I both think our eyes on you, both as a smart, pretty woman, and a
+representative of that country that wuz the means of discoverin' us."
+
+And sez I with a shudder, and a skairful look onto me, "I can't bear to
+think of the contingency to not had Jonesville and Chicago discovered,
+to say nothin' of the rest of the World.
+
+"But," sez I, "my anxiety to put myself right in your eyes has runaway
+with my politeness." Sez I, "How is all your folks?" Sez I, "How is
+little Alphonso? We think a sight of that boy here, and his Ma. She's
+a-bringin' him up first rate, and you tell her that I think so. It will
+encourage her.
+
+"And how is your Ma?" sez I; and then I kinder backed out polite from
+that subject, and sez I, "I dare presoom to say that she has her good
+qualities; and mebby, like all the rest of the world, she has her
+drawbacks."
+
+And then a thought come onto me that made me blush with shame and
+mortification, and sez I, "I hain't said a word about your husband." Sez
+I, "I have said that I would pay particular attention to that man if I
+come in sight on him, and here I be, jest like the rest of America, not
+payin' him the attention that I ort, and leavin' him a-standin' up
+behind you, as usual.
+
+"How is Antoine?" sez I.
+
+She said that "He was very well."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "I am glad on't; from everything that America and I can
+learn of him he is a good feller--a manly, good-appearin', good-actin'
+young man.
+
+"And America and I wish you both dretful well--you and Spain. We think
+dretful well of all of you; and now," sez I, with some stateliness, "I
+am a-goin' to withdraw myself, and not tire you out any more."
+
+And so we shook hands cordial, and said good-bye, and I proceeded to
+withdraw myself, and I wuz jest a-backin' off, as I make a practice of
+doin' in my interviews with Royalty, when Duty gin me a sharp hunch in
+my left side, and I had to lock arms with her, and approach the Infanty
+agin on a delicate subject.
+
+I hated to, but I had to.
+
+Sez I, "Ulaley, I want you to forgive me for it if you feel hurt, but
+there is one subject that I feel as if I want to tackle you on."
+
+Sez I, "You've acted like a perfect lady, and a sampler of all womanly
+and royal graces, ever sence you come over here a-visitin', good enough
+to frame," sez I, "and hang up in our heart of hearts.
+
+"And there hain't but one fault that I have got to find with you, and I
+want to tell you plain and serious, jest as I'd love to have your folks
+tell Tirzah Ann if she should go over to Spain to represent Jonesville--
+
+"I want to say, jest as kind as I can say, that if I wuz in your place I
+wouldn't smoke so much.
+
+"I want to tell you that if my girl, Tirzah Ann, should ever go to
+Spain under the circumstances I speak on, and should light up her pipe
+in the Escurial, I should want you to put it out for her.
+
+"I hate to have you smoke, Ulaley--I hate to like a dog. Of course," sez
+I, in reasonable axents, "if you wanted to smoke a little mullen or
+catnip for the tizik, I wouldn't mind it; but cigaretts are dretful
+onhealthy, and I'm afraid that they will undermind your constitution.
+And I think too much on you, Ulaley, to want you underminded."
+
+[Illustration: "I hate to have you smoke, Ulaley--I hate to like a
+dog."]
+
+She smiled, and said sunthin' about its bein' the custom of her country.
+
+And I looked real pleasant at her, but firm, and sez I, "Customs has to
+be gone aginst by true Reformers, and Prophets, Ulaley." Sez I, "Four
+hundred years ago it wuzn't the custom of the countries to discover new
+worlds.
+
+"But your illustrious countryman branched out and stemmed the tide of
+popular disfavor, and found a grand New Land.
+
+"New Worlds lay before all on us, Ulaley--we can sail by 'em on the
+winds of popular favor and old custom, or we can stem the tide and row
+aginst the stream, and, 'Go in and take the country.'
+
+"You don't know what good lays in your power to do, Ulaley, you sweet
+young creeter you, and now God bless you, and good-bye."
+
+There wuz a tear standin' in every one of my eyes as I said it, for a
+hull tide of emotions from four hundred years past to the present
+swashed up aginst me as I grasped holt of her pretty hand, and we
+parted.
+
+She looked real tender-hearted and good at me, as if she liked me, and
+as if her heart leaned up aginst my heart real clost.
+
+(What duz Ward McAllister and his 'postles know of such rapt moments?)
+
+Her escort driv up in two carriages jest then, and I left her, and as I
+went down the steps on the other side I heard her talkin' volubly to
+'em--a-describin' the great seen that had took place between us, I dare
+say.
+
+They wuz pleased with it, I could see they wuz fairly a-laughin', they
+wuz so edified and highly tickled. Yes, Spain realizes it, my makin' so
+much on't.
+
+Wall, I didn't stay much longer, for weariness, and also the cords of
+affection, wuz a-drawin' me back to Miss Planks.
+
+Wall, the days and weeks wuz a-wearin' away, and Josiah and I wuz
+a-enjoyin' ourselves first rate.
+
+The children, and Isabelle, and Krit wuz a-havin' jest as good a time,
+too, as four smart young folks can have.
+
+Their minds wuz naterally, all four on 'em, as bright as a new dollar,
+and they had been enriched and disciplined by culture and education, so
+there wuz good soil indeed for the marvellous seed sowed here to spring
+up in a bountiful harvest.
+
+They, all four on 'em, enjoyed more than anything else the Congresses,
+and meetin's of the different societies of the world, for noble, and
+humane, and philanthropic interests.
+
+And as for me, if I wuz to be made to tell at the pint of the sword what
+I thought wuz the very best and most glorious product of the World's
+Columbian Fair, I would say I thought it wuz these orations, and
+debates, by the brightest men and wimmen on earth, congregated at
+Columbuses doin's.
+
+They wuz the wreaths of the very finest, sweetest blossoms that crowned
+Uncle Sam's old brow this glorious summer of 1893.
+
+The most advanced thought on religion, art, science, philanthropy, and
+every branch of these noble and riz-up subjects wuz listened to there by
+my own rapt and orstruck ears. And not only the good and eloquent of my
+own Christian race, but Moslem, Buddhist, and Hindoo. Teachers of every
+religious and philosophical system wuz heard, givin' friendly idees, and
+dretful riz-up ones, on every subject designed to increase progress,
+prosperity, and the peace of mankind.
+
+What subjects could be bigger than these, and more important to the
+World and Jonesville? Not any; not one.
+
+And what solid comfort I took through the hull caboodle of 'em--Peace
+Societies, Temperance, Wimmen's Rights, Sabbath Schools, Kindergarten,
+Christian Science, Woman's protective union, Improvement in dress, etc.,
+etc., and etcetry.
+
+I sot happy as a queen through 'em all, and so did the girls,
+a-listenin' to every topic hearn on the great subject of makin' the old
+world happier and better behaved.
+
+Josiah didn't seem to care so much about it.
+
+He would often excuse himself--sometimes he would have a headache, but
+most always his headaches would improve so that he could git out into
+the city somewhere or onto the Fair ground. He would most always
+recooperate pretty soon after we started to the Congress, or Lecture
+Hall, or wherever our intellectual treat wuz.
+
+[Illustration: Sometimes he would have a headache.]
+
+And when I'd come home I'd find him pretty chipper.
+
+And then often the children would come after us in a carriage and take
+us all over the city and out into the suburbs, and display all the
+strange sights to us, or they would take us to the beautiful parks,
+through the long, smooth, beautiful boulevards.
+
+And no city in the world can go ahead of Chicago in this, or so it seems
+to me--the number and beauty of their parks, and the approaches to them.
+There wuz a considerable number of railroads to cross, and I wuz afraid
+of bein' killed time and agin a-crossin' of 'em, and would mention the
+fact anon, if not oftener; but I didn't git killed, not once.
+
+Wall, so Time run along; roses and ripe fruit wreathed his old
+hour-glass, and we didn't hardly realize how fast he wuz a-swingin' his
+old scythe, and how rapid he was a-walkin'.
+
+Isabelle had promised to come and stay a week with me jest as soon as a
+room was vacant.
+
+And so the day that Gertrude Plank left I writ a affectionate note to
+her, and reminded her of her promise, and that I should expect her that
+evenin' without fail.
+
+I sent the note in the mornin', and at my pardner's request, and also
+agreeable to my own wishes, we meandered out into the Fair grounds agin.
+
+There wuz a number of things that we hadn't seen yet, and so there
+would have been if we had stayed there a hull year.
+
+But that day we thought we would tackle the Battle Ship, so we went
+straight to it the nearest way.
+
+Wall, as I looked off and got a plain view of the Illinois, it was
+headed towards me jest right, and I thought it wuz shaped some like my
+biggest flat-iron, or sad-iron, as some call 'em.
+
+And I don't know why, I am sure, unless it is because wimmen are
+middlin' sad when they git a big ironin' in the clothes-basket, and only
+one pair of hands to do it, and mebby green wood, or like as not have to
+pick up their wood, only jest them arms to do it all, them and their
+sad-irons.
+
+Wall, as I say, it wuz headed jest right, so it did look shaped for all
+the world like that old flat-iron that fell on to me from Mother Allen.
+
+Of course it wuz bigger, fur bigger, and had a hull string of flags
+hitched from each end on't to the middle. Wall, it wuz a high,
+good-lookin' banner a-risin' out and perched on top of a curius-lookin'
+smoke-stack.
+
+And for all the world, if that line of flags didn't look some like a
+line of calico clothes a-hangin' out to dry, hitched up in the middle to
+the top of the cherry-tree, and then dwindlin' down each end to the
+corner of the house, and the horse barn.
+
+But I wouldn't have that Battle-Ship git wind on't that I compared it to
+clothes-lines, and flat-irons, not for a dollar bill; for battle-ships
+are naterally ferocious, and git mad easy.
+
+There wuz sights of good-lookin' flags histed up at one end on't,
+besides the clothes-line full, and lots of men a-standin' round on't.
+
+They didn't seem to act a mite afraid, and I don't spoze I ort to be.
+
+But lo and behold! come to pry into things, and look about and find out,
+as the poet sez, that wuzn't a real ship a-sailin' round, as it looked
+like, but it wuz built up on what they call pilin'--jest as if Josiah
+should stick sticks up on the edge of the creek, and build a hen-house
+on 'em, or anything.
+
+[Illustration: Come to pry into things, and look about and find out,
+that wuzn't a real ship a-sailin' round.]
+
+It is a exact full-sized model, three hundred and forty-eight feet long,
+of one of the new coast-line battle-ships now a-bein' built for the
+safety and protection of our country, at a cost of about three million
+dollars each.
+
+The imitation ship is built on the lake front at the northeastern point
+of Jackson Park. It is all surrounded with water, and has all the
+appearance of bein' moored to the wharf.
+
+It has all the fittin's that belong to the actual ship, and all the
+appliances for workin' it.
+
+Officers, seamen, marines, mechanics, are sent there by the navy
+department, and the discipline and way of life on a naval vessel is
+fully shown.
+
+I wuz glad to see that it had a woman for a figger-head.
+
+I guess that the nation thought, after seein' how Miss Palmer went ahead
+and overcome the difficulties in her path, and kep her beautiful face
+serene, and above the swashin' waves of opposition all the time--they
+thought that they wuzn't afraid to let a woman be riz up on their ship,
+a-lookin' fur out over the waters, and a-takin' the lead.
+
+It looked quite well. There wuz lots of lace-work and ornaments about
+her, but she carried herself first rate.
+
+Wall, the ship as a hull is dretful interestin' to warriors and such,
+and mariners.
+
+As for me, I thought more of statutes, and pictures, and posies, and
+Josiah didn't take to it so much as he did to steers, and horse-rakes,
+and so forth.
+
+But good land! in such a time as this, when there is everything on the
+face of the earth, and under it, and above the earth to see, everybody
+has a perfect right to suit themselves in sights, and side shows.
+
+Wall, we stayed there for some time a-lookin' round, and a-meditatin' on
+how useful this ship and others like it would be in case another war
+should break out, and how them ships and what is contained in 'em would
+be the means of savin' America and Jonesville.
+
+And I had quite a number of emotions, and I guess Josiah did too.
+
+And then we kinder sauntered along on that broad, smooth path by the
+side of Lake Michigan, and kinder looked off onto her with a
+affectionate look, and neighbored some with her.
+
+Her waters looked dretful peaceful and calm, after seein' everybody in
+the hull world, and hearin' every voice that ever wuz hearn, a-talkin'
+in every language, and seein' every strange costume that wuz ever worn,
+and etc., etc., etc.
+
+And so we sauntered along till we got to the Casino, and Music Hall
+a-risin' up at the eastern end of the grand basin.
+
+We had laid out to come here before, and should, most probable, if the
+hull of music had been shet up inside of that tall, impressive-lookin'
+buildin'; but truly music had cheered our souls frequent on our daily
+pilgrimages, so we had neglected to pay attention to the Music Hall and
+Casino till now.
+
+Josiah wuz anxious to attend to it.
+
+And I myself felt that Duty drawed me, bein' quite a case for music.
+
+And havin' led the choir for years before my marriage to Josiah Allen,
+and havin' married a man that _sez_ he can sing.
+
+But if the noise he makes is singin', then I would be willin' to say
+that I never had riz the eight notes, or fell 'em neither.
+
+But he sez that he loves music; and he had talked quite a good deal to
+me about the Music Hall and Casino.
+
+That Casino didn't sound quite right; it sounded sunthin' like
+"Seven-Up" and "Pedro," and I told him so.
+
+But he said that "it wuz all right;" he said "that it wuz took from the
+Hebrew."
+
+But I believe he said that to blind my eyes. Wall, when we hove in sight
+of it we see the high towers that riz up above it some distance off,
+with flags a-comin' kinder out of it on both sides, some like a
+stupendious pump, with handles on both sides and red table-cloths
+a-hangin' over 'em, but immense--immense in height.
+
+Wall, I spozed it would look as well agin there as the Jonesville
+Singin' School, and be fur bigger.
+
+But good land! and good land!
+
+Why, jest the entrance to them buildin's is enough to strike the most
+careless beholder with or. Such pillows, and such arches, and such
+ornaments, I never expected to see till I got through with _this_
+planet anyway.
+
+But there wuz one piece of sculpture there that when I see it I
+instinctively stopped stun still and gazed up at it with mingled
+feelin's of pride and sorrow.
+
+It wuz a chariot in which stood the Discoverer, a-lookin' off,
+fur-sighted, and determined, and prophetic, and everything else that
+could be expected of that noble Prophet and Martyr, Columbus.
+
+The chariot wuz drawn by four high-headed and likely horses as I ever
+see. But alas! for my own sect.
+
+Two noble and beautiful wimmen stood a-walkin' afoot, barefoot
+too--stood right there between the horses, each one a-holdin' the bits
+of two of them high-headed beasts, and their huffs ready to kick at 'em.
+They didn't look afraid a mite, so I don't know as I need to worry about
+'em.
+
+But I couldn't help thinkin'--that is the way that it has always been,
+men a-ridin' the chariots of Power, drawed by satisfied ambition, and
+enterprise, and social and legal powers, and the wimmen a-walkin' along
+afoot by the side of the chariot, and a-leadin' the horses.
+
+Bringin' men into the world, nurturin' 'em, comfortin' 'em through life,
+and weepin' over their tomb.
+
+Yes, she has led the horse, but walked afoot, and the stuns have been
+sharp and cold under her bare feet, and the dust from the chariot has
+riz up and blinded her sad eyes time and agin, so's that she couldn't
+look off any distance. The horses have been hard bitted; their high
+huffs and heads drawed dretful hard at the bit held in her weak grasp,
+and she has been kicked a good deal by their sharp huffs.
+
+On the two off horses there wuz two figgers a-holdin' up high gorgeous
+banners; of course they wuz men, and of course they wuz ridin'.
+
+Three men a-ridin' and two wimmen a-walkin' afoot; it didn't seem right.
+
+Not that I begretched Columbus--that noble creeter--the ease he had; if
+I'd had my way I'd had a good spring seat fixed onto that chariot, so
+that he could rid a-settin' down; or, at any rate, I'd laid a board
+acrost it, with a buffalo robe on't. I wouldn't had him a-standin' up.
+
+It hain't because I've got anything aginst Columbus--no indeed; but I am
+such a well-wisher of my own sect that I hate to see 'em in such a
+tryin' place.
+
+But I wuz glad of one thing, and mebby that wuz one thing that made them
+poor wimmen look so fearless and sort of riz up.
+
+They wuz in the East--they wuz in the past; the sun wuz a-movin' along,
+they could foller its rays along into the golden day. Why, right before
+'em, on the other side of the basin, with only a little water between
+'em that would soon be crossed, they could see a woman a-towerin' up a
+hundred feet, in plain view of all the countries of the assembled world,
+a-holdin' in her outstretched hand the emblems of Power and Liberty.
+
+But to resoom: Josiah and I had a first-rate time there at that Music
+Hall, and enjoyed ourselves first rate a-hearin' that most melodious
+music, though pretty loud, and a-seein' the Musicianers all dressed up
+in the gayest colors, as if they wuz officers.
+
+And truly they wuz. They marshalled the rank and file of that most
+powerful army on earth, the grand onseen forces of melody, that
+vanquishes the civilized and savage alike, and charms the very beast and
+reptile.
+
+The sweet power that moves the world, and the only earth delight that we
+know will greet us in the land of the Immortals.
+
+Truly the hour we spent there wuz long, long to be remembered.
+
+And after we reluctantly left the Hall of Melody, the music still
+swelled out and come to our ears in hauntin' echoes.
+
+Josiah had wandered away to a little distance to see sunthin' or ruther
+that had attracted his attention, and I stood still, lost in thought,
+and almost by the side of myself, a-listenin' to the low, sobbin' music
+of the band.
+
+[Illustration: A-listenin' to the low, sobbin' music.]
+
+I wuz almost by the side of myself with my rapt emotions when I hearn a
+voice that recalled me to myself--
+
+"Drusilla, I'm clean beat out."
+
+"Are you, Deacon Sypher? Wall, it is because you are so smart, and see
+so much."
+
+Truly, thinkses I, it don't take much smartness to see much in this
+place.
+
+But instinctively with that idee come the thought--nobody but Drusilla
+Sypher could or would make that admirin' remark.
+
+And I turned and advanced onto 'em with a calm mean.
+
+But I see in that first look that they looked haggard and wan, as wan
+agin as I ever see 'em look, and fur, fur haggarder. They looked all
+broke up, and their clothes looked all rumpled up and seedy, some as if
+they had slept in 'em for some weeks. But I hain't one to desert old
+friends under any circumstances, so I advanced onto 'em, and sez, with a
+mean that looked welcomin' and glad--
+
+"Why, Drusilla and Deacon Sypher," sez I, "how glad I am to see you!
+When did you come? Have you been here long?"
+
+And they said "they had been in Chicago some five weeks."
+
+"Is that so?" sez I. "And how have you enjoyed the Fair? I spoze you
+have seen a good deal, if you have been here so long."
+
+Sez Drusilly, "This is the first time we have been on to the Fair
+ground."
+
+"Why'ee!" sez I, "what wuz the matter?"
+
+She turned round, and see that Deacon Sypher had stopped some distance
+away to speak to my pardner and to look at sunthin' or ruther, and she
+told me all about it.
+
+She said that the Deacon had thought that it would be cheaper to live in
+a tent, and cook over a alcohol lamp; so they had hired a cheap tent,
+and went to livin' in it.
+
+But a hard wind and rain-storm come up the very first night, and blew
+the hull tent away; so they had to live under a umbrell the first night
+in a hard rain.
+
+Wall, she took a awful cold, and by the time they got the tent fastened
+down agin she wuz down with a sore throat and wuz feverish, and couldn't
+be left alone a minit, so the doctor said.
+
+[Illustration: She took a awful cold.]
+
+So the Deacon had to stay with her night and day, and change poultices,
+and give medicine, etc., and he had to hire porridges made for her, and
+things.
+
+There wouldn't any of the campers round 'em do anything for 'em; for he
+had, accordin' to his own wishes, got right into a perfect nest of
+Prohibitionists. The Deacon wuz perfectly devoted to the temperance
+cause himself--wouldn't drink a drop to save his life--and dretful
+bitter and onforgivin' to them that drinked.
+
+But it happened that bottle of alcohol for their lamp got broke right
+onto the Deacon's clothes. His vest, and pantaloons, and coat wuz jest
+soaked with it; so's when he went after help they called him an old
+soaker, and said if he'd been sober the tent wouldn't have broke loose.
+They scorfed at him fearful, and wouldn't do a thing to help him.
+
+He told 'em he wuz a strict tetoteler, and hadn't drinked a drop for
+over forty years.
+
+And they said, "Git out, you wretched old sot! You smell like a saloon!"
+
+And another said, "Don't tell any of your lies to me, when jest one
+whiff of your breath is enough to make a man reel."
+
+It cut the Deacon up dretful to be accused of drinkin' and lyin'. But
+they wouldn't one of 'em help a mite, and it kep him boned right down
+a-waitin' on her.
+
+And they, jest as she got a little better, there come on a drizzlin'
+rain, and it soaked right down through the tent, and run in under it, so
+they wuz a-drippin', both on 'em.
+
+But the Deacon took it worse than she did, for he elevated her onto
+their trunks, made a bed up on top of 'em for her as well as he could.
+
+But he got soaked through and through, and it brung on rumatiz, and he
+couldn't move for over nine days. And the doctors said that his case wuz
+critical.
+
+Of course she couldn't leave him, and havin' to cook over a alcohol
+lamp, it kep her to home every minit, even if he could be left.
+
+So she said they got discouraged, and their bills run up so high for
+doctors, and medicines, and plasters, etc., that they calculated to
+break up tent and go and board for a few days, git a look at the Fair,
+and then go home.
+
+And sez she, "I spoze you have been here every day."
+
+"Yes," sez I; "we would have a nice warm breakfast and supper at our
+boardin' place, and a good comfortable bed to sleep in, and we would buy
+our dinner here on the Fair ground, and we have kep real well."
+
+She looked enviously at me out of her pale and haggard face.
+
+Sez she, "We have both ruined our stomachs a-livin' on crackers and
+cheese. I shall never see a well day agin! And we both have got rumatiz
+for life, a-layin' round out-doors. It is dangerous at our time of
+life," sez she.
+
+"What made you do it, Drusilla?" sez I.
+
+"Wall," she said, "the Deacon wanted to; he thought he couldn't afford
+to board in a house; and you know," sez Drusilla, "that the Deacon is a
+man of most splendid judgment."
+
+"Not in this case," sez I.
+
+And then, at my request, she told me what they had paid out for doctors
+and medicines, and it come to five dollars and 63 cents more than Josiah
+and I had paid for our board, and gate fees, and everything. And that
+didn't count in the cost of their two dyspeptic boards, or their agony
+in sickness and sufferin', or their total loss of happiness and
+instruction at the Fair.
+
+When we reckoned this up Drusilla come the nighest to disapprovin' of
+the Deacon's management that I ever knew her to. She sez, and it wuz
+strong language for Drusilla Sypher to use--
+
+Sez she, "If it had been any other man but Deacon Sypher that had done
+this, I should been mad as a hen. But the Deacon is, as you well know,
+Josiah Allen's Wife, a wonderful man."
+
+"Yes," sez I, "Drusilla, I know it, and have known it for some time."
+
+She looked real contented, and then I sez--
+
+"Josiah Allen had got his mind all made up to tent out durin' the Fair.
+But I broke it up," sez I--"I broke it up in time!"
+
+At this very minit Josiah and Deacon Sypher come back to us, the Deacon
+a-limpin', and a-lookin' ten years older than when we last seen him in
+Jonesville. And my pardner pert, and upright, and fat, under my
+management.
+
+Wall, we four stayed together the rest of the day, a-lookin' at one
+thing and another.
+
+And when we got home that night, lo and behold! Isabelle had come jest
+before we did.
+
+And supper wuz all ready--or dinner, as they all called it; but I don't
+know as it makes much difference when you are hungry. The vittles taste
+jest about the same--awful good, anyway.
+
+We wuz pretty late, so there wuzn't anybody to the table but jest
+Isabelle and Josiah and me.
+
+And we three had a dretful good visit with each other. She is jest as
+sweet as a rosey in June.
+
+I make no matches, nor break none. But I couldn't help tellin' Josiah
+Allen in confidence from time to time that it did seem to me that
+Isabelle and Mr. Freeman wuz cut out for each other.
+
+Every time I see Isabelle--and Krit and Thomas J. had often made some
+app'intment where our family party could all meet--and every time I see
+her, I liked her better and better.
+
+And Maggie, who of course had seen more of her than I had, bein' in the
+same house with her, she told me in confidence, and in the Mexican
+Exhibit, that "Isabelle was an angel."
+
+No, I make no matches, nor break none.
+
+But I happened to speak sort of axidently as it were to Mr. Freeman one
+day, and told him my niece wuz a-comin' to spend a week with me, jest as
+quick as Miss Planks step-sister's daughter's cousin got away. (Miss
+Plank, like the rest of Chicago freeholders, had relations back to the
+3d and 4th generation come onto 'em like flocks of ravenin'
+grasshoppers or locusses, durin' the Fair.)
+
+And I sez--though I am the one that hadn't ort to say it, mebby--"She is
+one of the sweetest girls on earth."
+
+Sez I, "I call her a girl, though I spoze I ort to call her a woman, for
+she is one in years. But because she hain't never been married," sez I
+presently, "hain't, no reason that she couldn't be, for she has had
+offers, and offers, and might be married any day now.
+
+"But," sez I, "she kep single from duty once, and now it seems to be
+from choice."
+
+He sort of smiled with his eyes. He wuz used to such talk, I spoze. Good
+land! the wimmen all made perfect fools of themselves about him.
+
+But he sez in his pleasant way, "I shall be very glad to meet your
+niece. I shall be sure to like her, if she is any like her aunt."
+
+Pretty admirin' talk, that wuz. But good land! Josiah sot right there,
+and he wuzn't jealous a mite. Mr. Freeman wuz young enough to be my boy,
+anyway. And then Josiah knew what I had in my mind.
+
+But I told my pardner that night, sez I--
+
+"I hain't mentioned Mr. Freeman's name to Isabelle, and hain't a-goin'
+to; for one reason, she wouldn't come nigh the house if she knew what I
+wuz a-thinkin' on, and for another reason, I am a-goin' to try to stop
+a-thinkin' on't. He took it so beautiful, and he has match-makers
+a-besettin' him so much, I dare presoom to say he mistrusted what I wuz
+up to in my own mind. And, like as not, Isabelle wouldn't look at him,
+or any other man, anyway.
+
+"But I wouldn't have thought on't in the first place," sez I, "if
+Isabelle hadn't been such a born angel, and seemed cut out a purpose for
+him by Providence. But I shall try to stop a-thinkin' on't."
+
+And sez Josiah, "You had better have done that in the first place."
+
+Wall, I wuz as good as my word. I didn't say another word _pro_ nor
+_con_. But I kep up a-thinkin' inside of me, bein' but mortal, and
+havin' two eyes in my head.
+
+Wall, as I say, finally Gertrude Plank had left her room vacant, and our
+niece had come to us with a cheerful face and one small trunk full of
+neccessaries for her week's visit.
+
+I call her our niece, though she wuzn't quite that relationship to us.
+But it is quite hard sometimes to git the relationship headed right, and
+marshal 'em out into company before you--specially when they are fifth
+or sixth cousins.
+
+And I thought, bein' our ages wuz such, and our affections wuz so
+strong, back and forth, that it would be jest as well to jest use that
+plain term aunt and uncle and niece--it looked better, anyway, as our
+ages stood. And I didn't think it wuz anything wrong, for good land! we
+are called uncle and aunt, my Josiah and me are, by lots of folks that
+hain't no sort of kin to us, and Isabelle wuz related to us anyway by
+kin and by soul ties.
+
+Wall, to resoom: the evenin' after Isabelle got there it wuz burnin'
+warm in my room. And her room wuz still worse, way up on top of the
+house; but it wuz the best room that we could git for her, and she wuz
+contented with it for the sake of bein' with her Uncle Josiah and me.
+
+After we got up from the supper-table--Mr. Freeman wuz away that day,
+but I felt free to take her into that big, cool room, and so we went
+into that beautiful place.
+
+And then, all of a sudden, as Isabelle stood there in front of that
+pretty girl down by the medder brook amongst the deep grasses--
+
+All of a sudden it come to me who the girl looked like: it wuz Isabelle.
+
+As she stood in front of it, in her long white dress, with her white
+hands clasped loose in front of her, and her auburn hair pushed back
+careless from her beautiful face, I see the girl in the picture, or as
+she would be if she had grown refined and beautiful by sorrow and a
+sweet patience and reasonableness, which is the twin of Patience, both
+on 'em the children of Pain.
+
+As I stood there a-lookin' at her in admiration and surprise, I heard a
+sound behind me. It wuzn't a cry nor a sithe, but it wuz sunthin'
+different from both, more eager like, and deadly earnest, and
+dumbfoundered.
+
+And then it wuz Mr. Freeman's voice I knew that said--
+
+"My God! am I a-dreamin'?"
+
+And then Isabelle turned, and her face filled with a rapturous surprise
+and joy, and everything.
+
+And sez she--
+
+"Tom!"
+
+And he jest rushed forward, and in a secent had her in his arms. And I
+bust out a-cryin', and turned my back to 'em, and went out.
+
+But it wuzn't more than a few minutes before they rapped at my door, and
+their faces looked like the faces of two angels who have left the
+sorrows of earth and got into Heaven at last.
+
+And I cried agin, and Isabelle cried as I held her in my arms silently,
+and kissed her a dozen times, and I presoom more.
+
+And Mr. Freeman kissed me on my left cheek, and wrung my hand that hard
+that that right hand ached hard more'n a hour and a half. And I bathed
+it in arneky and water long enough after Isabelle had gone to her room,
+and Mr. Freeman to hisen.
+
+For till this mortal has put on immortality folks have to eat and sleep,
+and if their hands are wrung half off, either through happiness or
+anger, flesh, while it is corruptible, will ache, and bones will cry out
+if most crushed down.
+
+But arneky relieved the pain, and the light of the mornin' showed the
+faces of these reunited lovers, full of such a radiant bliss that it did
+one's soul good even to look at 'em.
+
+It seems that Isabelle had told him in that long-ago time when they
+parted that she wouldn't keep up a correspondence with him. She felt
+that she had ort to leave him free. And he wuz poor, and he would not
+fetter her with a memory she might perhaps better forgit. Poor things!
+lovin' and half broken-hearted, and both hampered with duties, and both
+good as gold.
+
+So they parted, she to take care of her feeble parents, and he to take
+care of his invalid mother and the two little ones.
+
+But lo and behold! after they had lived in that Western city for a few
+years, Tom a-workin' hard as he could to keep the wolf from the door,
+and from devourin' the three helpless ones, his brother returned from
+California as rich as a Jew, and he took his two little girls back with
+him and put 'em in school, and give Tom the money to start in business,
+and he wuz fortunate beyend any tellin'--got independent rich; then his
+ma wuz took sick and died, he a-waitin' on her devoted to the very last.
+
+Then, heart-hungry and lonesome, he broke through the vow he had made,
+and writ to Isabelle; but Isabelle had gone from the old place--she
+didn't git the letters.
+
+Then he writ agin, for his love wuz strong and his pride weak--weak as a
+cat. True Love will always have that effect on pride and resolve, etc.
+
+But no answer came back to his longin' and waitin' heart.
+
+And then, I spoze, Pride kinder riz up agin, and he said to himself that
+he wouldn't worry her and weary her with letters that she didn't think
+enough of to answer.
+
+And he had about made up his mind that all he should ever see of
+Isabelle would be the shadder of her beauty in the girl by the old
+medder bars, standin' in the fresh grasses, by the laughin' brook, all
+lookin' so like the dear old farm when he won her love so long ago.
+
+That dead, mute, irresponsive picture wuz more to him than any livin',
+breathin' woman could ever be.
+
+So he camped down before it, as you may say, for life--that is, he
+thought so; but Providence wuz a-watchin' over him, and his thoughtful,
+unselfish kindness to a stranger, or strangers, wuz to be rewarded with
+the prize of love and bliss.
+
+Wall, the World's Fair wuz, I spoze, looked on by many a pair of glad
+eyes. Hearts that throbbed high with happiness beat on through them
+majestic rooms. But happier hearts and gladder eyes never glowed and
+rejoiced in 'em than Isabelle's and her handsome lover's.
+
+And wuzn't Krit glad? Wuzn't he glad of soul to see Isabelle's
+happiness? Yes, indeed! And Maggie and Thomas Jefferson.
+
+Why, of course we wouldn't sing out loud in public, not for anything. We
+knew it wouldn't do to go along the streets or in the halls and
+corridors of the World's Fair, a-singin' as loud as we could--
+
+"Joy to the World!"
+
+Or, "What amazin' bliss is this!" or anything else of that kind--no, we
+wuz too well-bread to attempt it; but inside of us we jest sung for joy,
+the hull set and caboodle of us.
+
+All but Miss Plank, and a few old maids and widders, and such, who mebby
+had had hopes. Miss Plank looked and acted as flat and crushed down as
+one of her favorite cakes, or as if she wuz a-layin' under her own
+sirname.
+
+She said she hated to lose the profit of such a boarder, and mebby that
+wuz it--I don't say it wuzn't. But this I know, wimmen will keep up
+hopes, moles or no moles, and age has no power to keep out expectations.
+
+But I make no insinuations, nor will take none. She said that it wuz
+money she hated to lose, and mebby it wuz.
+
+But on that question I riz up her hopes agin, for Mr. Freeman wuz bound
+on bein' married imegatly and to once, and he said that they would
+remain right there for the remainder of the year at least.
+
+Isabelle hung off, and wanted to go back to Jonesville and be married to
+our house, as I warmly urged 'em to.
+
+But Mr. Freeman, lookin' decided and firm as anything you ever see, he
+sez to Isabelle--
+
+"Do you suppose I am ever goin' to lose sight of you agin? No indeed!"
+
+And I sez, "Wall, come right home with us to Jonesville, and keep your
+eyes on her."
+
+I wuz as happy as a king, and he knew it. And he thinks a sight of me,
+for it wuz through me, he sez, that their meetin' wuz brought about.
+
+He didn't say he wouldn't do that, so I wuz greatly in hopes that that
+would be the way it would turn out.
+
+I thought to myself, "Oh, how I would love to have 'em married in my
+parlor, right back of the hangin' lamp!"
+
+The semi-detatched widder said she got a letter about that time bringin'
+her bad news, trials, and tribulations, so it wuzn't to be wondered that
+she looked sad and worried. Mebby she did git such a letter.
+
+But anyway she and Miss Plank made up with each other. They become clost
+friends. Miss Plank told me, "She loved her like a sister."
+
+And the semi-detatched widder told me, "If she ever see a woman that she
+thought more on than she did her own mother, it wuz Miss Plank."
+
+Wall, I wuz glad enough to see 'em reconciled, for they had been at such
+sword's pints, as you may say, that it made it dretful disagreeable to
+the other boarders.
+
+Miss Piddock acted, and I believe wuz tickled, to see Mr. Freeman's
+happiness; for he didn't make any secret of it, and couldn't, if he
+wanted to. For radiant eyes and blissful smiles would have told the
+story of his joy, if his lips hadn't.
+
+Miss Piddock said that "if Mr. Piddock had been alive that he could say
+truly that he could sympathize with him in every respect, for that dear
+departed man had known, if anybody had, true connubial bliss."
+
+And then she brung up such piles of reminiscences of that man, that I
+felt as if I must sink under 'em.
+
+But I didn't; I managed to keep my head above 'em, and keep on
+a-breathin' as calm and stiddy as I could.
+
+Even Nony acted a trifle less bitter and austeer when he heard the news,
+and made the remark, "That he hoped that he would be happy." But there
+wuz a dark and shudderin' oncertainty and onbelief in his cold eyes as
+he said that "Hope" that wuz dretful deprestin' to me--not to Mr.
+Freeman; no, that blessed creeter wuz too happy to be affected by such
+glacial congratulations as Nony Piddock's.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+
+Of course, feelin' as I did about my Uncle Samuel, it wouldn't have done
+to not gone to the Government Buildin', where he makes his headquarters,
+so to say.
+
+Like the other palaces, this is so vast that it seemed as we stepped up
+to it some like wadin' out into Lake Michigan to examine her.
+
+We couldn't do it--we couldn't do justice to Michigan with one pair of
+feet and eyes--no, indeed.
+
+Wall, no more we couldn't do justice to these buildin's unless we laid
+out to live as long as Methusleah did, and hang round here for a hundred
+years or so.
+
+We had to go by a lot of officers all dressed up in uniforms. But we
+wuzn't afraid--we knew we hadn't done anything to make us afraid.
+
+Josiah wuz considerable interested in the enormous display of rifles,
+and all the machinery for makin' 'em, and showin' how and where the
+destructive instruments used in war are made.
+
+And then there wuz dummy cavalry horses, and men, and ponies, and
+cattle, showin' the early means for transportation of the mails,
+compared with the modern way of carryin' it on lightnin' coaches.
+
+But it wuz a treat indeed to me to see the original papers writ by our
+noble forefathers.
+
+To be sure, they wuz considerable faded out, so that I couldn't read 'em
+much of any; but it wuz a treat indeed to jest see the paper on which
+the hands of them good old creeters had rested while they shaped the
+Destinies of the New World.
+
+They held the pen, but the Almighty held the hands, and guided them over
+the paper.
+
+When I see with my own two eyes, and my Josiah's eyes, which makes four
+eyes of my own (for are we two not one? Yes, indeed, we are a good deal
+of the time)--
+
+Wall, when I see with these four eyes the very paper that Washington,
+the Immortal Founder of His Country, had rested his own hand on--when I
+see the very handwritin' of his right hand and the written thoughts of
+hisen, which made it seem some like lookin' into the inside of that
+revered and noble head, my feelin's riz up so that they wuz almost
+beyend my control, and I had to lean back hard on the pillow of
+megumness that I always carry with me to stiddy myself with.
+
+I had to lean hard, or I should have been perfectly wobblin' and broke
+up.
+
+And then to see Jefferson's writin', and Hamilton's, and Benjamin
+Franklin's--he who also discovered a New World, the mystic World that we
+draw on with such a stiddy and increasin' demand for supplies of light,
+and heat, and motion, and everything--
+
+When I see the very writin' of that hand that had drawed down the
+lightnin', and had hitched it to the car of commerce and progress--
+
+Oh, what feelin's I felt, and how many of 'em--it wuz a sight.
+
+And then I see the Proclamation of the President; and though I always
+made a practice of skippin' 'em when I see 'em in the newspaper, somehow
+they looked different to me here.
+
+[Illustration: I see the Proclamation of the President.]
+
+And then there wuz agreements with Foreign Powers, and some of them
+Powers' own handwritin' photographed; and lots of treaties made by Uncle
+Sam--some of 'em, especially them with the Injuns, I guess the least
+said about the soonest mended, but the biggest heft on 'em I guess he
+has kept--
+
+Treaties of peace and alliance, pardon of Louisiana and Florida, Alaska,
+etc., all in Uncle Sam's own handwritin'.
+
+And then there wuz the arms of the United States--and hain't it a sight
+how fur them arms reach out north and south, east and west--protectin'
+and fosterin' arms a good deal of the time they are, and then how strong
+they can hit when they feel like it!
+
+And then there wuz the big seal of the United States.
+
+I had read a description of it to Josiah that mornin', and had explained
+it all out to him--all about the Argant, and Jules, and the breast of
+the American Eagle displayed proper.
+
+I sez, "That means that it is proper for a bird to display its breast in
+public places; and," sez I, "though it don't speak right out, it
+probable means to gin a strong hint to fashionable wimmen.
+
+"And then," says I, "it holds in its dexter talons a olive branch. That
+means that it is so dextrous in wavin' that branch round and gittin'
+holt of what it wants.
+
+"And holdin' in its sinister talons a bunch of arrows." Sez I, "That
+means that in war it is so awful sinister, and lets them arrows fly
+onto its enemies where they are needed most."
+
+And then the Eagle holds in its beak a strip of paper with "E. Pluribus
+Unum" on it, which means "One formed out of many."
+
+And how many countries will wheel into the procession and become part of
+the great one as the centuries go on? I don't believe Uncle Sam has the
+least idee; I know I hain't, nor Josiah.
+
+For on the back part is a pyramiad unfinished; no knowin' how many
+bricks will yet be laid on top of that pyramiad, or how high it will
+shoot up into the heavens.
+
+And then there is a big eye surrounded with a Glory.
+
+The eye of the United States most likely, and I spozed mebby it meant
+big I and little You.
+
+I didn't know exactly what it did mean till I catched sight of the words
+above, meanin' "The eye of Providence is favorable to our undertakin's."
+
+And then I felt better, and hoped it wuz so.
+
+Down under the pyramiad is words meanin' "A New Order of Centuries."
+
+That riz me up still more, for I knew it wuz true. Yes; when Columbus
+pinted the prow of that caraval of hisen towards the New World, the
+water broke on each side of it, a-washin' back towards the Old World
+the decayin' creeds and orders of the Old World, and the ripples that
+danced ahead on't, clear acrost the Atlantic, wuz a-carryin' new laws,
+new governments; and hoverin' over the prow as it swept on in the
+darkness and the dawn, onseen to any eye, not even the prophetic eye of
+the discoverer, hovered the great angels Liberty, Equal Rights, and
+Human Brotherhood.
+
+For them angels could see further than we can; they could see clear
+ahead when the iron chains should fall from black wrists, and as mighty
+chains, though wrought with gold, mebby, should fall from the delicate
+white wrists of mother, and wife, and sister.
+
+It could see that this indeed wuz "A New Order of Centuries."
+
+And then we see--kep jest as careful as though it wuz pure gold and
+diamonds--the petition of the Colonies to the King of England. And I'll
+bet England has been sorry enuff to think it didn't hear to 'em, and act
+a little more lenient to 'em.
+
+And then there wuz the old Constitution of the United States, in the
+very handwritin' of its immortal framer.
+
+And then there wuz the Declaration of Independence.
+
+Good, likely old document as ever wuz made. I know I hain't felt
+towards it as I'd ort to time and agin, when I've hearn it read Fourth
+of Julys by a long-winded orator, in muggy and sultry dog-days in
+Jonesville.
+
+But though, as I ort to own up, I've turned my back onto it at sech
+times, I've allers respected it deeply, and it wuz indeed a treat to see
+it now--
+
+The very paper, writ in the darkness of oncertainty, and hopelessness,
+and despair of our forefathers, and which them four old fathers wuz
+willin' to seal with their blood.
+
+Oh, if that piece of yeller, faded old paper could jest speak out and
+tell what emotions wuz a-rackin' the hearts, and what wild dreams and
+despairs wuz a-hantin' the brains of the ones that bent over it in that
+dark day, 1776--
+
+Why, the World's Fair would be thrilled to its inmost depths; Chicago
+would tremble from its ground floor up to its 20th and 30th story, and
+Josiah and I would be perfectly browbeat and stunted.
+
+But it wuzn't to be; only the old yeller paper remained writ over with
+them immortal words. Their wild emotions, their dreams, their despairs,
+and their raptures have passed away, bloomin' out agin in the nation's
+glory and grandeur.
+
+And then we see amongst the treaties with foreign powers friendship
+tokens from semi-barbarous tribes and nations--
+
+Poor little gifts that didn't always buy friendship and justice, and I'd
+told Uncle Sam so right to his old face if I'd've met him there as I wuz
+a-lookin' at 'em. I'd a done it if he had turned me right out of the
+Government Buildin' the next minit.
+
+And then there wuz the first cannon ever brought to America, and the
+first church-bell ever rung in America, and picters of every place that
+Columbus ever had anything to do with, and a hull set of photographs of
+hisen. Good creeter! it is a shame and a disgrace that there is so many
+on 'em, and all lookin' so different--as different as Josiah and Queen
+Elizabeth.
+
+And then there wuz everything relatin' to conquest--conquest of Mexico
+and etc., and everything about the food and occupations of men--all
+sorts of food, savage and civilized, and all sorts of occupations, from
+makin' molasses to gatherin' tea.
+
+And there wuz the most perfect collection of coins and medals ever
+made--7500 coins and 2300 medals. There wuz some kinder stern-lookin'
+guards a-watchin' over these, but they had no need to be afraid; I
+wouldn't have meddled with one of 'em no more'n I'd've torn out the Book
+of Job out of the family Bible.
+
+[Illustration: Stern-lookin' guards a-watchin' over the coins.]
+
+There wuz everything under the sun that could be seen in South America,
+from a mule to a orchid.
+
+And in the centre of the buildin' wuz a section of the great Sequois
+tree from California. The tree is twenty-five feet in diameter, and has
+been hollowed out, and a stairway built up inside of it. Stairs inside
+of a tree! Good land!
+
+But what is the use, I have only waded out a few steps. The deep lake
+lays before us.
+
+I hain't gin much idee of all there is to see in that buildin', and I
+hain't in any on 'em.
+
+You have got to swim out for yourself, and then you may have some idee
+of the vastness on't. But you can't describe 'em, I don't
+believe--nobody can't.
+
+In front of that buildin' we see one of the two largest guns ever made
+in the world.
+
+It wuz made in Essen, Germany. It weighs two hundred and seventy
+thousand pounds, and is forty-seven feet long.
+
+It will hit anything sixteen miles off, and with perfect accuracy and
+effect at a distance of twelve miles.
+
+Good land! further than from Zoar to Shackville.
+
+It costs one thousand two hundred and fifty dollars to discharge it
+once. As Josiah looked at it, sez he--
+
+"Oh, how I do wish I had sech a gun! How I could rake off the crows with
+it in plantin' time! Why," sez he, "by shootin' it off once or twice I
+could clear the hull country of 'em from Jonesville to Loontown."
+
+"Yes," sez I; "and have you got a thousand dollars to pay for every
+batch of crows you kill, besides damages--heavy damages--for killin'
+human bein's, and horses, and cows, and sech?"
+
+And he gin in that it wouldn't be feasible to own one. And I sez, "I
+wouldn't have one on the premises if Mr. Krupp should give me one."
+
+So we wended onwards.
+
+Wall, about the most interestin' and surprisin' hours I enjoyed at
+Columbuses doin's wuz to the stately house set apart for that great
+wizard of the 19th century--Electricity.
+
+As wuz befittin', most the first thing that our eyes fell on wuz a big,
+noble statute of Benjamin Franklin. He stands with his kite in his hand,
+a-lookin' up with a rapt look as if waitin' for instructions from on
+high.
+
+He seemed to be guardin' the entrance to this temple, and he looked as
+if he wuz glad to be there, and I truly wuz glad to have him there.
+
+For he ort to be put side by side with Christopher Columbus. Both sailed
+out on the onknown, both discovered a new world.
+
+Columbuses world we have got the lay on now considerable, and we have
+mapped it out and counted the inhabitants.
+
+But who--who shall map out this vast realm that Benjamin F. discovered?
+
+We stand jest by the sea-shore. We have jest landed from our boats. The
+onbroken forest lays before us, and beyend is deep valleys, and high,
+sun-kissed mountains, and rushin' rivers.
+
+A few trees have been felled by Morse, Edison, Field and others, so that
+we can git glimpses into the forest depths, but not enough to even give
+us a glimpse of the mountains or the seas. The realm as a whole is
+onexplored; nobody knows or can dream of the grandeur and glory that
+awaits the advance guard that shall march in and take the country.
+
+This beautiful house built in its honor is 690 feet long and 345 feet
+wide.
+
+The main entrance, which is in the south side, has a magnificently
+decorated open vestibule covered by a half dome, capable of the most
+brilliant illumination.
+
+Indeed, you can judge whether this buildin' has advantages for bein' lit
+up, when I tell you that it has 20,000 incandescent and 3000 ark lights.
+
+I hearn a bystander a-tellin' this, and sez Josiah, "I can't imagine
+what a ark light is--Noah couldn't had a light so bright as that is.
+But," he sez, "mebby the light shines out as big as the ark did over the
+big water."
+
+And I spoze mebby that is it.
+
+Why, they say the big light on top of the buildin'--the biggest in the
+world--why, they do say that that throws such a big light way off--way
+off over Lake Michigan, that the very white fishes think it is mornin',
+and git up and go to doin' up their mornin's work.
+
+There wuz everything in the buildin' that has been hearn on up to the
+present time in connection with electricity--everything that we know
+about, that that Magician uses to show off his magic powers, from a
+search-light of 60,000 candle power down to a engine and dynamo
+combined, that can be packed in a box no bigger than a pea.
+
+Josiah looked at the immense display with a wise eye, and pretended to
+understand all about it, and he even went to explainin' it to me.
+
+But I sez, "You needn't tire yourself, Josiah Allen; I should know jest
+as much after you got through as I do now.
+
+"And," sez I, "you can explain to me jest as well how the hoe and the
+planter cause the seed to spring up in the loosened ground. You put the
+seed in the ground, Josiah Allen, and the hoe loosens the soil round it.
+You may assist the plant some, but there is a secret back of it all,
+Josiah Allen, that you can't explain to me.
+
+"No, nor Edison couldn't, nor Benjamin Franklin himself couldn't with
+his kite."
+
+Sez Josiah, "I could explain it all out to you if you would listen--all
+about my winter rye, and all about electricity."
+
+But agin I sez considerately, "Don't tire yourself, Josiah Allen; it is
+a pretty hot day, and you hain't over and above well to-day."
+
+He didn't like it at all; he wanted to talk about electric currents to
+me, and magnets, and dynamos, but I wouldn't listen to it. I felt that
+we wuz in the palace of the Great Enchanter, the King of Wonders of the
+19th century, and I knew that orr and silence wuz befittin' mantillys to
+wrop ourselves in as we entered his court, and stood in his imperial
+presence. And I told Josiah so.
+
+And he sez, "You won't catch me with a mantilly on."
+
+He is dretful fraid to wear wimmen's clothes. I can't git a apron or a
+sun-bunnet on him in churnin' time or berryin' in dog-days--he is sot.
+
+But I sez, "Josiah, I spoke in metafor."
+
+And he sez, "I would ruther you would use pantaloons and vests, if you
+are a-goin' to allegore about me."
+
+But to resoom. France, England, Germany, all have wonderful exhibits,
+and as for our own country, there wuz no end seemin'ly to the marvellous
+sight.
+
+Why, to give you a idee of the size and splendor of 'em, one electrical
+company alone spent 350,000 dollars on its exhibit.
+
+Among the German exhibits wuz a wonderful search-light--jest as
+searchin' as any light ever could be--it wuz sunthin' like the day of
+judgment in lightin' up and showin' forth.
+
+One of the strange things long to be remembered wuz to set down alone
+beside of a big horn in Chicago and hear a melodious orkestry in New
+York, hundreds and hundreds of miles away, a-discoursin' the sweetest
+melody.
+
+Wall, what took up Josiah's mind most of anything wuz a house all fitted
+up from basement to attic with electricity.
+
+You come home (say you come in the evenin' and bring company with you);
+you press a button at the door, the door opens; touch another button,
+and the hall will be all lighted up, and so with every other room in the
+house. Some of these lights will be rosettes of light let into the wall,
+and some on 'em lamps behind white, and rose-tinted, and amber
+porcelain.
+
+When you go upstairs to put on another coat, you touch a button, the
+electric elevator takes you to your room; and when you open the closet
+door, that lights the lamp in the closet; when you have found your coat
+and vest, shuttin' the door puts the light out.
+
+In the mean time, your visitors down below are entertained by a
+selection from operatic or sacred music or comic songs from a phonograph
+on the parlor table. Or if they want to hear Gladstone debate, or
+Chauncey Depew joke, or Ingersoll lecture, or no matter what their
+tastes are, they can be gratified. The phonograph don't care; it will
+bring to 'em anything they call for.
+
+Then, when they have got ready for dinner, a button is touched; the
+dinner comes down from the kitchen in the attic, where it wuz all cooked
+by electricity, baked, roasted, or biled, whatever it is.
+
+When the vittles are put on the table, they are kept warm by electric
+warmin' furnaces.
+
+They start up a rousin' fire in the open fireplace by pressin' a button,
+and if they git kinder warm, electric fans cool the air agin, though
+there hain't much chance of gittin' too warm, for electric thermostats
+regulate the atmosphere. But in the summer the fans come handy.
+
+When dinner is over the dishes mount upstairs agin, and are washed by a
+electric automatic dish washer, and dried by a electric dish drier.
+
+The ice for dinner is made by a miniature ammonia ice plant, which keeps
+the hull house cool in hot days and nights.
+
+On washin' days the woman of the house throws the dirty clothes and a
+piece of soap into a tub, and electricity heats the water, rubs and
+cleanses the clothes, shoves 'em along and rings 'em through an electric
+ringer, and dries 'em in a electric dryin' oven, and then irons 'em by
+an electric ironin' machine.
+
+If the female of the house wants to sew a little, she don't have to wear
+out her own vital powers a-runnin' that sewin' machine--no; electricity
+jest runs it for her smooth as a dollar.
+
+If she wants to sweep her floor, does she have to wear out her own
+elbows? No, indeed; electricity jest sweeps it for her clean as a pin.
+
+Oh, what a house! what a house!
+
+Josiah of course wuz rampant with idees of havin' our house run jest
+like it.
+
+He thought mebby he could run it by horse power or by wind.
+
+"But," I sez, "I guess the old mair has enough on her hands without
+washin' dishes and cookin'."
+
+He see it wuzn't feasible.
+
+"But," sez he, "I believe I could run it by wind. Don't you know what
+wind storms we have in Jonesville?"
+
+And I sez, "You won't catch me a-sewin' by it, a-blowin' me away one
+minute, and then stoppin' stun-still the next;" and sez I, "How could we
+be elevated by it? blow us half way upstairs, and then go down, and drop
+us. We shouldn't live through it a week, even if you could git the
+machinery a-runnin'."
+
+"Wall," sez he, with a wise, shrewd look, "as fur as the elevator is
+concerned, I believe I could fix that on a endless chain--keep it
+a-runnin' all the time, sunthin' like perpetual motion."
+
+"How could we git on it?" sez I coldly.
+
+"Catch on," sez he; "it would be worth everything to both on us to make
+us spry and limber-jinted."
+
+"Oh, shaw!" sez I; "your idees are luny--luny as can be; it has got to
+go by electricity."
+
+"Wall," sez he, "I never see any sharper lightnin' than we have to
+Jonesville. I believe I could git the machinery all rigged up, and catch
+lightnin' enough to run it. I mean to try, anyway."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "I guess that you won't want to be elevated by lightnin'
+more'n once; I guess that that would be pretty apt to end your
+experiments."
+
+"Oh, wall," sez he, "break it up! I never in my hull life tried to do
+sunthin' remarkable and noteworthy but what you put a drag on to me."
+
+Sez I, "I have saved your life, Josiah Allen, time and agin, to say
+nothin' of my own."
+
+He wuz mad, but I drawed his attention off onto a ocean cable, and asked
+him to explain it to me how the news went; and he wuz happy once
+more--happier than I wuz by fur. I wuz wretched, and had got myself into
+a job of weariness onspeakable and confusion, etc., and so forth.
+
+But to such immense sacrifices will a woman's love lead her.
+
+[Illustration: He wuz happy once more.]
+
+I could not brook his dallyin' with lightnin' at his age or to have it
+brung into our house in a raw state.
+
+Josiah wuz dretful impressed with a big post completely covered with
+red, white, and blue globes, and all other colors, and at the top it
+branched out into four posts, extendin' towards the corners of the
+ceilin'.
+
+A spark of electricity starts at the base of the post, and steadily
+works its way up. It lights the red, then the white, and then the blue,
+and etc., and then it goes on and lights the four branches until it gits
+to the end, and then it lights up a big ball.
+
+And then it goes back to the beginnin' agin, and so it goes on--flash!
+flash! flash! sparkle! sparkle! sparkle! in glowin' colors. It is a
+sight to see it.
+
+But what impressed me beyend anything wuz what seemed a mighty onseen
+hand a-risin' up out of Nowhere, and a-holdin' a pencil, and a-writin'
+on the wall in letters of flame. And then that same onseen hand will
+wipe out what has been writ, and write sunthin' else. Why, it all makes
+folks feel a good deal like Belschazarses, only more riz up like. He
+felt guilty as a dog, which must hendered his lofty emotions from
+playin' free; but folks that see this awsome and magestick spectacle
+don't have nothin' to drag down their soarin' emotions.
+
+Why, I'll bet that I had more emotions durin' that sight than Belschazar
+had when he see his writin' on the wall, only different. I guess that
+mine wuz more like Daniel's, though I can't tell, havin' never talked
+it over with Daniel. But to resoom.
+
+When we left the Electrical Buildin', it wuz so nigh at hand we jest
+stepped acrost into the Hall of Mines and Minin'. And it wuz dretful
+curious, wuzn't it?
+
+Here we two wuz on the surface of the Earth, and we had jest been
+a-studyin' in a entranced way the workin's of a mighty sperit, who wuz,
+in the first place, brung down from _above_ the Earth, and now, lo and
+behold! we wuz on our way to see what wuz below the Earth.
+
+Curious and coincidin', very.
+
+Wall, as I walked acrost them few steps I thought of a good many things.
+One thing I thought on wuz the path I wuz a-walkin' on.
+
+I d'no as I've mentioned it before, but them foot-paths at the World's
+Fair are as worthy of attention as anything as there is there.
+
+I'll bet Columbus would have been glad to had such paths to walk on when
+he wuz foot-sore, and tired out.
+
+They are made of a compound of granite and cement, and are as smooth as
+a board, and as durable as adamant.
+
+What a boon sech roads would be in the Spring and the Fall! How it would
+lessen profanity, and broken wagons, and broken-backed horses! Folks
+say that they will be used throughout the World. Jonesville waits for it
+with longin'.
+
+Its name is Medusaline. I wuz real glad it had such a pretty name--it
+deserves it.
+
+Josiah wuz dretful took with the name. He said that he wuz a-goin' to
+name his nephew's twins Maryline and Medusaline. But mebby he'll forgit
+it.
+
+Wall, the Hall of Mines and Minin' is a immense, gorgeous palace, jest
+as all the rest on 'em be, and, like 'em all, it has more'n enough
+orniments, and domes, and banners, and so forth to make it comfortable.
+
+As we advanced up the magestick portal the figgers of miners, with
+hammers and pans in their hands, seemed to welcome us, and tell us what
+they had to do with the big show inside; they seemed to be a-sayin' with
+their still lips, "If it hadn't been for us--for the great Army of
+Labor, this show would have been a pretty slim one." Yes; the great
+vanguard of Labor leads the van, and cuts down the trees, so's that Old
+Civilization and Progress can walk along, and swing their arms, and
+spread themselves, as they have a way of doin'.
+
+Wall, to anybody that loves to look on every side of a idee from top to
+bottom, and had had sech experiences on top of the Earth as I had, it
+wuz a great treat to see what wuz inside of the Old World.
+
+And wuzn't it a sight! Sech heaps of glitterin' golden and silver ore,
+sech slabs of shinin' marble, and sech precious stuns I never expect to
+see agin till I git where the gates are Pearl and the streets paved with
+Pure Gold.
+
+On the west side are the exhibits from Foreign mineral-producin'
+countries, beginnin' with the Central and South American States.
+
+These Mines, worked way back before history begins, that furnished the
+gold that Cortez loaded his returnin' galleons with, still keep right on
+a-yieldin' their rich treasures, provin' that there is no end to 'em, as
+you may say.
+
+On the opposite side of the avenue are the treasures of our own country.
+Each State and Territory has tried, seemin'ly, to make the richest and
+most dazzlin' exhibition.
+
+Here New England shows in a way that can't be disputed her solid granite
+and marble foundation--vast and beautiful and glossy exhibit.
+
+Then the immense coal exhibit of the great States of the Appalachian
+range, and the Ohio valley, shows forth its wealth in shinin' black
+masses.
+
+Pyramiads and arches of glitterin' iron and steel, statutes in brass,
+bronze, and copper, supported on pedestals of elaborate wrought metals.
+
+Then there are pillows and statutes and pyramiads of salt so blindin'ly
+brilliant that you almost have to shet your eyes when you look at 'em.
+
+The South shows up her mineral fertilizers, and paints, and her precious
+ores. The gold of North Carolina, the phosphates of Florida, and the
+iron ores of Alabama are here in plain sight.
+
+California, Montana, Colorado, Idaho, shows a gorgeous exhibit of gold
+and other precious ores.
+
+In the large porch in the centre of the buildin' is a high tower, made
+at the bottom of all sorts of minerals, and trimmed off handsome and
+appropriate; and the tower that shoots up from this foundation is made
+of all sorts of machines employed in minin'.
+
+From this centre aisles and avenues branch off in every direction.
+
+Great Britain and Germany and our own greatest mineral States are here
+facin' this centre.
+
+And you can walk down every avenue, and have your eyes most blinded by
+the splendor of the exhibit.
+
+You can see jest how they extract the gold from the ore from the minute
+it is dug out of the earth till it is wrought into the shinin' dollar
+or beautiful orniment.
+
+You can see how Electricity, the Wizard, plays his part here, as
+everywhere else, in drivin' drills, and workin' huge minin' pumps and
+hoistin' appliances.
+
+You can see how this Wizard gives the signals, fires the blast, and does
+everything he is told to do, and does it better than anybody else could,
+and easier.
+
+Then there are figgers in groups representin' the old laborious way of
+minin', old crushin' mortars and mills of ancient Mexico, propelled by
+mules, compared with the automatic tramways and hydraulic transmission
+of coal by a liquid medium, and all the other swift and modern ways.
+
+South Africa shows off her diamond fields. The machinery picks up the
+blue clay right before our eyes, the native Kaffirs pick out the
+precious pebbles and sort 'em out, and a diamond-cutter right here, with
+his chisel and wheel, cuts and polishes 'em till they are turned out a
+flashin' gem to adorn a queen.
+
+Then, if you git tired of roamin' round on the first floor, you can go
+up into the broad gallery and look down in the vast halls and avenues,
+full of dazzle and glitter.
+
+Dretful interestin' them wuz to look at--dretful.
+
+And up here are the offices of Geoligists, Minin' Engineers, and
+Scientists, and a big library under charge of a librarian.
+
+And here, too, is a laboratory where experiments are a-bein' conducted
+all the time.
+
+Wall, it wuz a sight--a sight what we see there.
+
+But the thing that impressed me the most in the hull buildin', and I
+thought on't all the time I wuz there, and thought on't goin' home, and
+waked up and thought on't--
+
+It wuz a statute of woman named Justice--a female big as life, made of
+solid silver from her head to her heels, and a-standin' on a gold
+world--
+
+Jest as they do in the streets of the New Jerusalem. Oh, my heart, think
+on't!
+
+Yes, it tickled me to a extraordinary degree, for sech a thing must mean
+sunthin'! The world borne on the outspread wings of an eagle is under
+her feet, and under that is a foundation of solid gold.
+
+First, the riches of the earth to the bottom; then the eagle Ambition,
+and wavin' wings of power and conquest, carryin' the hull round world,
+and then, above 'em all, Woman.
+
+Yes, Justice in the form of woman stood jest where she ort to
+stand--right on top of the world.
+
+Justice and Woman has too long been crumpled down, and trod on. But she
+has got on top now, and I believe will stay there for some time.
+
+She holds a septer in her right hand, and in her left a pair of scales.
+
+She holds her scales evenly balanced--that is jest as it ort to be; they
+have always tipped up on the side of man (which has been the side of
+Might).
+
+But now they are held even, and _Right_ will determine how the notches
+stand, not Might.
+
+I don't believe that the Nation would make a statute of woman out of
+solid silver, and stand it on top of the world, if it didn't lay out to
+give her sect a little mite of what she symbolizes.
+
+They hain't a-goin' to make a silver woman and call it Justice, if they
+lay out to keep their idee of wimmen in the future, as they have in the
+past, the holler pewter image stuffed full of all sorts of injustices,
+and meannesses, and downtroddenness.
+
+They hain't a-goin' to stand the figger of woman and Justice on top of
+the world, and then let woman herself grope along in the deepest and
+darkest swamps and morasses of injustice and oppression, taxed without
+representation, condemned and hung by laws they have no voice in makin'.
+
+Goin' on in the future as in the past--bringin' children into the world,
+dearer to 'em than their heart's blood, and then have their hearts torn
+out of 'em to see these children go to ruin before 'em through the
+foolishness and wickedness of laws they have no power to prevent--nay,
+if they are rich, to see their loved ones helped to their doom by their
+own wealth; taxed to extend and perpetuate these means of death and
+Hell, and they with their hands bound by the chains of Slavery and old
+Custom.
+
+But things are a-goin' to be different. I see it plain. And I looked on
+that figger with big emotions in my heart, and my umbrell in my hand.
+
+I knew the Nation wuzn't a-goin' to depicter woman with the hull earth
+at her feet, and then deny her the rights of the poorest dog that walks
+that globe. No; that would be makin' too light of her, and makin'
+perfect fools of themselves.
+
+They wouldn't of their own accord put a septer in her hand, if they laid
+out to keep her where she is now--under the rule of the lowest criminal
+landed on our shores, and beneath niggers, and Injuns, and a-settin' on
+the same bench in a even row with idiots, lunaticks, and criminals.
+
+No; I think better of 'em; they are a-goin' to carry out the idee of
+that silver image in the gold of practical justice, I believe.
+
+If I hadn't thought so, I would a-histed up my umbrell and hit that
+septer of hern, and knocked that globe out from under her feet.
+
+And them four mountaineers, a-guardin' her with rifles in their hands,
+might have led me off to prison for it if they had wanted too--I would a
+done it anyway.
+
+But, as I sez, I hope for better things, and what give me the most
+courage of anything about it wuz that Justice had got her bandages off.
+
+That is jest what I have wanted her to do for a long time. I had advised
+Justice jest as if she had been my own Mother-in-law. I had argued with
+her time and agin to take that bandage offen her eyes.
+
+And when I see that she had took my advice, and meditated on what
+happiness and freedom wuz ahead for my sect, and realized plain that it
+wuz probable all my doin's--why, the proud and happy emotions that
+swelled my breast most broke off four buttons offen my bask waist. And
+onbeknown to me I carried myself in that proud and stately way that
+Josiah asked me anxiously--
+
+"If I had got a crick in my back?"
+
+I told him, "No, I hadn't got any crick, but I had proud and lofty
+emotions on the inside of my soul that no man could give or take away."
+
+"Wall," sez he, "you walked considerable like our old peacock when she
+wants to show off."
+
+I pitied him for his short-sightedness, but unconsciously I did, I dare
+presoom to say, onbend a little in my proud gait.
+
+And we proceeded onwards.
+
+Wall, on our way home we heard a bystander a-speakin' about the
+beautiful vistas, and the other one replied, and said how wonderful and
+beautiful he considered 'em.
+
+And Josiah sez to me, "Where be them 'Vistas,' anyway? I've hearn more
+talk about 'em than a little--do they keep 'em in cases, or be they
+rolled up in rolls? I want to see 'em, anyway," and he turned and went
+to go into one of the big palaces. Sez he, "He seemed to be a-pintin'
+this way; we must have missed 'em the day we wuz here."
+
+But I took holt of his arm and drawed him back, and I pinted down the
+long, beautiful distance, the glorious view bounded by the snowy
+sculptured heights of palaces--long, green, flower-gemmed avenues of
+beauty--with the blue waters a-shinin' calm behind towerin' statutes of
+marvellous conception, and sez I--
+
+"Behold a vista!"
+
+[Illustration: "Behold a vista!"]
+
+He put on his specs and looked clost, and sez he--
+
+"I don't see nothin' out of the common."
+
+"No," sez I; "spiritual things are spiritually discerned. The wind
+bloweth where it listeth," sez I.
+
+"Oh, bring up the Bible," sez he; "there is a time for all things."
+
+He acted real pudgiky.
+
+But I at last got him to understand what a vista wuz, and I told him
+that Mr. Burnham and the others who had charge of buildin' this
+marvellous city took no end of pains to design these marvellous
+picters--more lovely than wuz ever painted on canvas sence the world
+begun.
+
+And sez I, as I looked round me once more, some as Moses did on Pisga's
+height, "and viewed the landscape o'er"--
+
+Sez I, "I _must_ thank the head one here--I _must_ thank
+Director-General Davis in my own name, and in the name of Jonesville,
+and the world, for gittin' up this incomparable spectacle, the like of
+which will never be seen agin by livin' eyes."
+
+And if you'll believe it, I hadn't hardly finished speakin' when who
+should come towards us but General Davis himself. I knew him in a
+minute, for his picter had been printed in papers as many as two or
+three times since the Fair begun--it wuz a real good-lookin' face,
+anyway, in a paper or out of it.
+
+And I gathered up the folds of my cotton umbrell more gracefully in my
+left hand, and kinder shook out the drapery of my alpaca skirt, and wuz
+jest advancin' to accost him, when Josiah laid holt of my arm and
+whispered in a sharp axent--
+
+"I won't have it. You hain't a-goin' to stop and visit with that man."
+
+I faced him with dignity and with some madness in my liniment, and sez
+I, "Why?"
+
+Sez he, "Do you ask why?"
+
+"Yes," sez I, with that same noble, riz-up look on my eyebrow--"why?"
+
+"Wall," sez he, a-lookin' kinder meachin', "I want sunthin' to eat, and
+you'd probable talk a hour with him by the way you've praised up his
+doin's here."
+
+By this time General Davis wuz fur away.
+
+And I sithed, when I thought on't, what he'd lost by not receivin' my
+eloquent and heartfelt thanks, and what I'd lost in not givin' 'em.
+
+I d'no as Josiah was jealous--mebby he wuzn't. But General Davis is
+considerable handsome, and Josiah can't bear to have me praise up any
+man, livin' or dead. Sometimes I have almost mistrusted that he didn't
+like to have me praise up St. Paul too much, or David, or Job--or he
+don't seem to care so much about Job. But, as I say, mebby it wuzn't
+jealousy--his appetite is good; mebby it was hunger.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX.
+
+
+Wall, this mornin', on our way to the grounds, I sez to Josiah--
+
+"There is one thing that I want you to do the first thing to-day, and
+that is for you to see that good creeter, Senator Palmer."
+
+Sez I, "I jest happened to read this mornin' how he's takin' up a
+subscription to help the Duke of Veragua, and we must see him and help
+the cause along." Sez I, "I can't bear to think of Columbuses folks
+a-sufferin' for things."
+
+Sez Josiah, "Let Columbuses folks nip in and work jest as I do, and
+they'll git along."
+
+"They hain't been brung up to it," sez I; "I don't spoze he ever
+ploughed a acre of land in his life, or sheared a sheep. And I don't
+spoze she knows what it is to pick a goose, or do a two weeks' washin'."
+
+I'm sorry for 'em as I can be. And to think that that villain of a
+Manager should have run away with that money while they wuz over here
+a-helpin' their forefathers birthday!
+
+Sez I, "It makes me feel like death."
+
+"It makes me feel," sez Josiah gloomily, "that no knowin' but the Old
+Harry will git into Ury while we are away."
+
+But I sez, "Don't worry, Josiah--Ury and Philura are pure gold."
+
+"Wall, dum it all, pure gold can be melted if the fire is hot enough."
+
+But I went back to the old subject--"We must give sunthin' to the cause;
+it will be expected of us, and it is right that we should."
+
+"But," sez Josiah, with a gloomy and fierce look, "if I can git out of
+Chicago with a hull shirt on my back it's all I expect to do. I hain't
+no money to spend on Dukes, and you'll say so when we come to pay our
+bills."
+
+Sez I, "You needn't send any money, Josiah Allen; but," sez I, "we might
+send 'em a tub of butter and a kag of cowcumber pickles jest as well as
+not, and a ham, to help 'em along through the winter, and I'd gladly
+send him and her yarn enough for a good pair of socks and stockin's. She
+might knit 'em," sez I, "or I would. I'll send him a pair of fringe
+mittens anyway," sez I; "it hain't noways likely that she knows how to
+make them. They take intellect and practice to knit."
+
+And sez I, "I want you to be sure and see Senator Palmer without fail,
+and tell him to be sure and let us know when he sends things, so's we
+can put in and add our two mites."
+
+Sez he, "The money has gone."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "I am a disap'inted creeter. I wanted to do my part
+towards gittin' them good, noble folks enough to live on till Spring."
+
+Sez Josiah (and mebby it wuz to git my attention off from the subject,
+which he felt wuz perilous to his pocket--he is clost)--sez he, "There
+is one man here, Samantha, that I'd give a cent to see."
+
+Sez I, "Who is it that you are willin' to make such a extraordinary
+outlay for?"
+
+"The Rager," sez he.
+
+"The Rager," sez I dreamily; "who's that?"
+
+"Why, the Rager from India. I spoze," sez he, "that he is one of the
+raginest men that you ever see. He took his name from that, most likely,
+and to intimidate his subjects. Now, King or Emperor don't strike the
+same breathless terror; but Rager--why, jest the name is enough to make
+'em behave."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "if the Monarch of Ingy is here I must see him, and git
+him not to burn any more widders with their dead pardners." Sez I, "It's
+a clear waste of widders, besides bein' wicked as wicked can be. Widders
+is handy," sez I, "now to keep boardin'-housen, or to go round as
+agents. Old maids hain't nothin' by the side of 'em, and they look so
+sort o' respectable behind their black veils, and then they are needed
+so for the widdower supply--and that market is always full." Sez I, "I
+don't want 'em wasted, and I want the wickedness to be stopped.
+
+"And then to insist on marryin' so many wimmen. I'd love to labor with
+him, and convince him that one's enough."
+
+"It seems to me," sez Josiah, "that I could make him _know_ that one's
+enough. It _seems_ as if _any married man might_. Heaven knows, it
+_seems_ so!" sez he.
+
+I didn't like his axent. There seemed to be some iron in it, but I
+wouldn't dane to parley.
+
+"And then," sez I, "their makin' their wimmen wear veils all the time.
+What a foolish habit! What's the use on't? Smotherin' 'em half to death,
+and wearin' out their veils for nothin'.
+
+"And then I'd make him educate 'em--gin 'em a chance," sez I; "but
+whether he gives it or not the bell of Freedom is a-echoin' clear from
+Wyomin' to Ingy, and it sounds clear under them veils. They will be
+throwed off whether he is willin' or not, and I'd love to tell him so."
+
+Sez Josiah, "I guess it will be as the Rager sez."
+
+"No," sez I solemnly; "it will be as the Lord sez, and He is callin' to
+wimmen all over the earth, and they are answerin' the call."
+
+But we hearn afterwards that Josiah had got it wrong--it wuz
+Ragah--R-a-g-a-h--instead of Rager--and he wuz one of the most
+sensiblest fellers that ever stepped on our shores in royal shoes. He
+paid his own bills, wuz modest, and intelligent, wanted to git
+information instead of idolatry from the American people. He didn't want
+no ball, no bowin' and backin' off--no escort. No chance at all here for
+the Ward McAllisters to show off, and act.
+
+He acted like a good sensible American man, some as our son Thomas
+Jefferson would act if he should go over to his neighborhood on
+business.
+
+He wanted to see for himself the life of the Americans, the way the
+common people lived--he wanted to git information to help his own
+people.
+
+And he wanted to see Edison the most of all. That in itself would make
+him congenial to me. I myself think of Edison side by side with
+Christopher Columbus, and I guess the high chair he sets on up in my
+mind, with his lap full of his marvellous discoveries, is a little
+higher than Columbuses high chair.
+
+Oh, how congenial the Ragah of Kahurthalia would be! How I wish we could
+have visited together! But it wuzn't to be, for Josiah said that he'd
+gone the night before, so we wended on.
+
+Wall, we hadn't more than got into the grounds this mornin' when Josiah
+hearn a bystander a-standin' near tell another one about the Ferris
+Wheel.
+
+"Why," sez he, "you jest git into one of them cars, and you are carried
+up so that it seems as if you can see the hull world at your feet."
+
+Josiah turned right round in his tracts, and sez he, "Where can I find
+that wheel?"
+
+And the man sez, "On the Midway Plaisance."
+
+And Josiah sez, "Where is that?"
+
+And the man pinted out the nearest way, and nothin' to do but what we
+must set out to find that wheel, and go up in one.
+
+I counselled caution and delay, but to no effect. That wheel had got to
+be found to once, and both on us took up in it.
+
+I dreaded the job.
+
+Wall, the Plaisance begins not fur back of the Woman's Buildin'. It is a
+strip of land about six hundred feet wide and a mild in length,
+connecting Washington Park with Jackson Park, where Columbus has his
+doin's, and it comes out at the Fair Ground right behind the Woman's
+Buildin'.
+
+Josiah jest wanted to rush along, clamorin' for the wheel, and not
+lookin' for nothin' on either side till he found it.
+
+But I wuz firm in this as a rock, that if I went at all I would go
+megum actin' and quiet, and look at everything we come to.
+
+And wuzn't there enough to look at jest in the street? Folks of all
+nations under the earth. They seemed like the leaves of a forest, or the
+sands of the sea, if them sands and leaves wuz turned into men, wimmen,
+and children--high hats, bunnets, umbrells, fans, canes, parasols,
+turbans, long robes, and short ones, gay ones, bright ones, feathers,
+sedan chairs, bijous, rollin' chairs, Shacks--or that is how Josiah
+pronounced it. I told him that they wuz spelt S-h-e-i-k-s.
+
+But he sez that you could tell that they wuz Shacks by the looks on 'em.
+
+Truly it wuz a sight--a sight what we see in that street. Why, it wuz
+like payin' out some thousand dollars, and with two trunks, and
+onmeasured fatigue, spend years and years travellin' over the world.
+
+Why, we seemed to be a-journeyin' through foreign countries, a-carryin'
+the thought with us that we took our breakfast in our own hum, and that
+we should sleep there that night, but for all that we wuz in Turkey, and
+Japan, and Dahomey, and Lapland, etc., etc., etc.
+
+Wall, the first thing we come to as we begun on the right side--and
+anybody with my solid principles wouldn't begin on any other side but
+the sheep's side--we wouldn't begin on the goats--no, indeed!
+
+The first thing we come to wuz the Match Company. Here you could see
+everything about makin' matches, and when you consider how hard it would
+be to go back to the old way of strikin' light with a flint, and
+traipsin' off to the neighbors to borrow a few coals on a January
+mornin', you will know how interestin' that exhibit wuz.
+
+And then come the International Dress and Costume Company--all the
+different countries of the globe show their home life and costumes.
+
+And I sez to Josiah, "If this Fair had been put off ten years, or even
+five, I believe the American wimmen would show a costume less adapted to
+squeezin' the life out of 'em, and scrapin' up all the filth and disease
+in the streets, and rakin' it hum."
+
+And Josiah sez, "Oh, do come along! we shan't git to that wheel to-day
+if you dally so, and begin to talk about wimmen and their doin's."
+
+Then come the Workin' Man's Home in Philadelphia. Then the Libby Glass
+Works, and when Josiah discovered it wuz free, he willin'ly accedded to
+my request to walk in and look round. He told me from the first on't
+that he wuzn't goin' to pay out a cent of money there. Sez he, "We can
+see enough--Heaven knows we can--without payin' for any sights."
+
+Wall, here we see all kinds of American glass manufactured, from goblets
+and butter-dishes up to glass draperies, dresses, laces, neckties, and
+all sorts of orniments.
+
+Josiah sez, "Samantha, oh, how I would like a glass necktie--it would be
+so uneek; how I could show off to Deacon Gowdy!"
+
+"Wall," sez I, "we can try to buy one, and at the same time I will order
+a glass polenay."
+
+"Oh, no," sez he, "it would be too resky; glass is so brittle it would
+make you restive."
+
+And he tried to hurry me along, but I would look round a little; and we
+see there right before our face and eyes a man take a long tube and dip
+it into melted glass, and blow out cups and flower-vases, and trim 'em
+all off with flowers of glass of all colors, and sech cut glass as we
+see there I never see before; why, one little piece takes a man a month
+to cut it out into its diamond glitter.
+
+And I would stop to see that glass dress all finished off for the
+Princess Eulaly. There it wuz in plain sight in Mr. Libby's factory
+draped on a wax figger of Eulaly. Mr. Libby made it and presented it to
+the Princess.
+
+It took ten million feet of glass thread; it wuz wove into twelve
+yards of cloth, and sent to a dressmaker in New York, who fitted it to
+the Princess on her last days in the city. It is low neck and short
+sleeves, and has a row of glass fringe round the bottom, and soft glass
+ruching round the neck and sleeves. It looks some like pure white satin,
+and some different. It is as beautiful as any dress ever could be, and
+Eulaly will look real sweet in it. She'll be sorry to not have me see
+her in it, I hain't a doubt.
+
+[Illustration: It took ten million feet of glass thread, and Eulaly
+will look real sweet in it.]
+
+And oh, how I did wish, as I looked at it, that her ancestor could have
+seen it, and meditated how pert and forwards the land wuz that he'd
+discovered!
+
+Glass dresses--the idee!
+
+But Josiah looked kinder oneasy all the time that I wuz a-lookin' at it;
+he wuz afraid of what thoughts I might be entertainin' in my mind
+onbeknown to him, and he hurried me onwards.
+
+But the very next place we come to be wuz still more anxious to proceed
+rapidly, for this wuz the Irish Village, where native wimmen make the
+famous Irish laces.
+
+It wuz a perfect Irish village, lackin' the dirt, and broken winders,
+and the neighborly pigs, and etc.
+
+At one end of it is the exact reproduction of the ancient castle
+Donegal, famed in song and story. In the rooms of this castle the lace
+wuz exhibited--beautiful laces as I ever see, or want to see, and piles
+and piles of it, and of every beautiful pattern.
+
+I did hanker for some of it to trim a night-cap. As I told Josiah, "I
+wouldn't give a cent for any of the white lace dresses, not if I had to
+wear 'em, or white lace cloaks." Sez I, "I'd feel like a fool a-goin' to
+meetin' or to the store to carry off butter with a white lace dress on,
+or a white lace mantilly, but I would love dearly to own some of that
+narrer lace for a night-cap border."
+
+But his anxiety wuz extreme to go on that very instant.
+
+He wanted to see the Blarney stun on top of the tower of the castle. It
+is a stun about as big as Josiah's hat, let down below the floor, so's
+you have to stoop way down to even see it, let alone kissin' it.
+
+Josiah wuz very anxious to kiss it, but I frowned on the needless
+expense.
+
+Sez I, "Men don't _need_ to kiss it; Blarney is born in 'em, as you may
+say, and is nateral nater to 'em."
+
+Sez he, "But it is so stylish to embrace it, Samantha, and it only costs
+ten cents."
+
+[Illustration: "But it is so stylish, Samantha, and it only costs
+ten cents."]
+
+"But," I sez firmly, "you hain't a-goin' to kiss no chunk of Chicago
+stun, Josiah Allen, or pay out your money for demeanin' yourself."
+
+Sez I, "The original Blarney stun is right there in its place in the
+tower of Blarney Castle in Ireland. It hain't been touched, and couldn't
+be."
+
+"I don't believe that Lady Aberdeen would allow no sech works to go on,"
+sez he.
+
+Sez I, "Lady Aberdeen can't help herself. How can a minister keep the
+hull of his congregation from lyin'?"
+
+Sez I, "She is one of the nicest wimmen in the world--one of the few
+noble ones that reach down from high places, and lift up the lowly, and
+help the world. I don't spoze she knows about the Blarney stun. And
+don't you go to tellin' her," sez I severely, "and hurt her feelin's."
+
+Sez he, in a morbid tone, "We hain't been in the habit of visitin' back
+and forth, and probable if we wuz, you'd tell her before I could if you
+got a chance. Wimmen have sech long tongues."
+
+He wuz mad, as I could see, about my breakin' up his fashionable
+performance with that Chicago rock, but I didn't care.
+
+I merely sez, "If you want to do anything to remember the place, you can
+buy me a yard and a half of linen lace to trim that night-cap, or a
+under-clothe, Josiah." But he acted agitated here, and sez he, "I
+presoom that it is cotton lace."
+
+Sez I, "I wish you'd be megum, Josiah Allen. This lace is perfectly
+beautiful, and it is jest what they say it is.
+
+"And what a noble thing it wuz," sez I, "for Lady Aberdeen to do to gin
+these poor Irish lace-makers a start that mebby will lift 'em right up
+into prosperity; and spozen," sez I, "that you buy me a yard or two?"
+
+But he fairly tore me away from the spot. He acted fearful agitated.
+
+But alas! for him, he found the next place we entered also exceedin'ly
+full of dangers to his pocket-book, for this wuz a Japanese Bazaar,
+where every kind of queer, beautiful manufactures can be bought--
+
+[Illustration: He found the next place we entered full of dangers to
+his pocket-book.]
+
+Rugs, bronzes, lacquer work, bamboo work, fans, screens, more tea-cups
+than you ever see before, and little silk napkins of all colors, where
+you can have your name wove right in it before your eyes, and etcetry,
+etcetry. Here also the peculiar fire department of the Japanese is kept.
+
+The next large place is occupied by the Javanese; this concession and
+the one right acrost the road south of it is called the "Dutch
+Settlement," because the villages wuz got up by a lot of Dutch
+merchants.
+
+But the people are from the Figi, Philippine, and Solomon Islands,
+Samoa, Java, Borneo, New Zealand, and the Polnesian Archipelagoes.
+
+Jest think on't! there Josiah Allen and I wuz a-travellin' way off to
+places too fur to be reached only by our strainin' fancy--places that we
+never expected or drempt that we could see with our mortal eyes only in
+a gography.
+
+Here I wuz a-walkin' right through their country villages with my
+faithful pardner by my side, and my old cotton umbrell in my hand,
+a-seemin' to anchor me to the present while I floated off into strange
+realms.
+
+All these different countries show their native industries.
+
+We went into the Japanese Village, under a high arch, all fixed off with
+towers, and wreaths, and swords--dretful ornimental.
+
+There wuz more than a hundred natives here. Their housen are back in the
+inclosure, and their work-shops in front, and in these shops and
+porticos are carried on right before your eyes every trade known in
+Japan, and jest as they do it at home--carvers, carpenters, spinners,
+weavers, dyers, musicians, etc., etc. The colorin' they do is a sight to
+see, and takes almost a lifetime to learn.
+
+The housen of this village are mostly made of bamboo--not a nail used in
+the place. Why, sometimes one hull side of their housen would be made
+of a mat of braided bamboo. Bamboo is used by them for food, shelter,
+war implements, medicine, musical instruments, and everything else.
+Their housen wuz made in Japan, and brung over here and set up by native
+workmen. They have thatched ruffs and kinder open-work sides, dretful
+curious-lookin', and on the wide porticos of these housen little native
+wimmen set and embroider, and wind skeins of gay-colored cotton, and
+play with their little brown black-eyed babies.
+
+The costumes of the Japanese look dretful curious to us; their loose
+gay-colored robes and turbans, and sandals, etc., look jest as strange
+as Josiah's pantaloons and hat, and my bask waist duz to them, I spoze.
+
+They're a pleasant little brown people, always polite--that is learnt
+'em as regular as any other lesson. Then there is another thing that our
+civilized race could learn of the heathen ones.
+
+Missionaries that we send out to teach the heathen let their own
+children sass 'em and run over 'em. That is the reason that they act so
+sassy when they're growed up. Politeness ort to be learnt young, even if
+it has to be stomped in with spanks.
+
+The Japanese are a child-like people easily pleased, easily
+grieved--laughin' and cryin' jest like children.
+
+They work all day, not fast enough to hurt 'em, and at nightfall they go
+out and play all sorts of native games.
+
+That's a good idee. I wish that Jonesvillians would foller it. You'd
+much better be shootin' arrers from blowpipes than to blow round and jaw
+your household. And you'd much better be runnin' a foot race than
+runnin' your neighbors.
+
+They've got a theatre where they perform their native dances and plays,
+and one man sets behind a curtain and duz all the conversation for all
+the actors. I spoze he changes his voice some for the different folks.
+
+Wall, I led Josiah off towards the church, where all the articles of
+furniture is a big bamboo chair, where the priest sets and meditates
+when he thinks his people needs his thought.
+
+I d'no but it helps 'em some, if he thinks hard enough--thoughts are
+dretful curious things, anyway.
+
+Josiah and I took considerable comfort a-wanderin' round and seein' all
+we could, and noticin' how kind o' turned round things wuz from
+Jonesville idees.
+
+Now, they had some queer-lookin' little store-housen, and for all the
+world they opened at the top instead of the sides, to keep the snakes
+out of the rice in their native land, so they said.
+
+Josiah wuz jest crazy to have one made like it.
+
+"Why," sez he, "think of the safety on't, Samantha! Who'd ever think of
+goin' into a corn house on top if they wanted to steal some corn?"
+
+But I sez, "Foreign customs have got to be adopted with megumness,
+Josiah Allen." Sez I, "With your rumatiz, how would you climb up on't a
+dozen times a day?"
+
+He hadn't thought of that, and he gin up the idee.
+
+Then the ideal figger of the Japanese wimmen is narrer shoulders and big
+waist.
+
+And though I hailed the big waist joyfully, I drawed the line at the
+narrer shoulders.
+
+They have long poles about their housen, with holes bored in 'em,
+through which the wind blows with a mournful sort of a voice, and they
+think that that noise skairs away evil sperits.
+
+When they come here each of their little verandas had a cage with a
+sacred bird in it to coax the good sperits; they all died off, and now
+they've got some pigens for 'em, and made 'em think that they wuz sacred
+birds.
+
+And Josiah, as he see 'em, instinctively sez, "Dum 'em, I'd ruther have
+the evil sperits themselves round than them pigens, any time."
+
+He hates 'em, and I spoze they do pull up seeds considerable.
+
+Them Japanese wimmen are dretful cheerful-lookin', and Josiah and I
+talked about it considerable.
+
+Sez Josiah, "It's queer when, accordin' to their belief, a man's horse
+can go to Heaven, but their wives can't; but the minute they leave this
+world another celestial wife meets him, and he and his earth wife parts
+forever. It is queer," sez he, "how under them circumstances that the
+wimmen can look so happy."
+
+And I sez, "It can't be that they hail anhialation as a welcome rest
+from married life, can it?"
+
+Josiah acted mad, and sez he, "I'd be a fool if I wuz in your place!"
+
+And bein' kinder mad, he snapped out, "Them wimmen don't look as if they
+knew much more than monkeys; compared to American wimmen, it's a sight."
+
+But I sez, "You can't always tell by looks, Josiah Allen." Sez I, "As
+small as they be, they've showed some of the greatest qualities since
+they've been here--Constancy, Fidelity, Love."
+
+Now one of them females lost a baby while she wuz here. Did she act as
+some of our fashionable American wimmen do? No. They own twenty Saritoga
+trunks, and wear their entire contents, but they do, as is well known,
+commit crime to evade the cares of motherhood.
+
+But this little woman right here in Chicago, she jest laid down
+broken-hearted and died because her baby died. Her true heart broke.
+
+Little and humbly, no doubt, and not many clothes on, but from a upper
+view I wonder if her soul don't look better than the civilized,
+fashionably dressed murderess?
+
+There wuz theatres here with dancin' girls goin' as fur ahead, they
+said, of Louie Fuller and Carmenciti as them two go ahead of Josiah and
+Deacon Sypher as skirt-dancers.
+
+I guess that Josiah Allen would have gone in, regardless of price, to
+see this sight, so onbecomin' to a deacon and a grandfather, but I broke
+it up at the first hint he gin. Sez I, "What would your pasture say to
+your ondertakin' such a enterprise? What would be the opinion of
+Jonesville?"
+
+"Dum it all," sez he; "David danced before the Ark."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "I hain't seen no ark, and I hain't seen no David." Sez I
+reasonably, "I wouldn't object to your seein' David dance if he wuz
+here and I wouldn't object to your seein' the Ark."
+
+"Oh, wall, have your own way," sez he, and we wandered into the German
+Village.
+
+[Illustration: "Oh, wall, have your own way," sez he, and we
+wandered into the German Village.]
+
+The German Village represents housen in the upper Bavarian Mountains.
+
+There are thirty-six different buildin's. Inside the village is a
+Country Fair, the German Concert Garden, a Water Tower, and two
+Restaurants, Tyrolese dancers, Beer Hall, etc.
+
+In the centre is a 16th century castle, with moat round it, and
+palisades.
+
+Josiah wuz all took up with this, and said "how he would love to have a
+moat round our house." Sez he, "Jest let some folks that I know try to
+git in, wouldn't I jest hist up the drawbridge and drop 'em outside?"
+
+And I sez, "Heaven knows, Josiah, that sech a thing would be convenient
+ofttimes, but," sez I, "anxieties and annoyances have a way of swimmin'
+moats, you can't keep 'em out."
+
+But he said "that he believed that he and Ury could dig a moat, and rig
+up a drawbridge." And to git his mind off on't I hurried him on.
+
+Inside the castle is a dretful war-like-lookin' group of iron men, all
+dressed up in full uniform, and there wuz all kinds of weepons and armor
+of Germany.
+
+The Town Hall of this village is a museum.
+
+In the village market-place is sold all kinds of German goods. Two bands
+of music pipe up, and everybody is a-talkin' German. It made it
+considerable lively to look at, but not so edifyin' to us as if we knew
+a word they said.
+
+And then come the Street of Cairo, a exact representation of one of the
+most picturesque streets in old Cairo, with queer-lookin' kinder square
+housen, and some of the winders stood open, through which we got lovely
+views of a inner court, with green shrubs, and flowers, and fountains.
+
+On both sides of this street are dance halls, mosques, and shops filled
+with manufactures from Arabia and the Soudan. In the Museum are many
+curious curiosities from Cairo and Alexandria.
+
+And the street is filled with dogs, and donkeys, and children and
+fortune-tellers, and dromedaries, and sedan chairs, with their bearers,
+and camels, and birds, and wimmen with long veils on coverin' most of
+their faces, jest their eyes a-peerin' out as if they would love to git
+acquainted with the strange Eastern world, where wimmen walk with faces
+uncovered, and swung out into effort and achievement.
+
+I guess they wuz real good-lookin'. I know that the men with their
+turbans and long robes looked quite well, though odd. In the shops wuz
+the most beautiful jewelry and precious stuns, and queer-lookin' but
+magnificent silk goods, and cotton, and lamps, and leather goods, and
+weepons, etc., etc., etc.
+
+Wall, right there, as we wuz a-wanderin' through that street, from the
+handsomest of the residences streamed forth a bridal procession. The
+bride wuz dressed in gorgeous array of the beautiful fabrics of the
+East.
+
+And the bridegroom, with a train of haughty-lookin' Arabs follerin' him,
+all swept down the streets towards the Mosque, with music a-soundin'
+out, and flowers a-bein' throwed at 'em, and boys a-yellin', and dogs
+a-barkin', etc., etc.
+
+I drew my pardner out of the way, for he stood open-mouthed with
+admiration a-starin' at the bride, and almost rooted to the spot.
+
+[Illustration: A-starin' at the bride.]
+
+But I drawed him back, and sez I, "If you've got to be killed here,
+Josiah Allen, I don't want you killed by a Arab."
+
+And he sez, "I d'no but I'd jest as lieves be killed by a Arab as a
+Turkey.
+
+"But," sez he, "you tend to yourself, and I'll tend to myself. I wuz
+jest a-studyin' human nater, Samantha."
+
+And that wuz all the thanks I got for rescuin' him.
+
+It wuz jest as interestin' to walk through that village as it would be
+to go to Egypt, and more so--for we felt considerable safer right under
+Uncle Sam's right arm, as it wuz--for here we wuz way off in Africa,
+amongst their minarets and shops, and tents, men, wimmen, and children
+in their strange garbs, dancin', playin' music, cookin' and servin'
+their food, jest as though they wuz to hum, and we wuz neighborin' with
+'em, jest as nateral as we neighbor to hum with Sister Henzy or she that
+wuz Submit Tewksbury.
+
+Then there wuz some native Arabs with 'em who wuz a-eatin' scorpions,
+and a-luggin' round snakes, and a-cuttin' and piercin' themselves with
+wicked-lookin' weepons, and eatin' glass; I wuz glad enough to git out
+of there. I hate daggers, and abominate snakes, and always did.
+
+And then I knew what a case Josiah Allen is to imitate and foller
+new-fangled idees, and I didn't want my new glass butter dish and cream
+pitcher to fall a victim to his experiments.
+
+Wall, next come Algeria and Tunis, and then Tunicks showed jest how they
+lived and moved in their own Barbery's state.
+
+Their housen are beautiful, truly Oriental--white, with decorations of
+pale green, blue, and vermilion.
+
+One is a theatre that will hold 600 folks.
+
+Then comes the panorama of the big volcano Kilauana.
+
+They couldn't bring the volcano with 'em, as volcanoes can't be histed
+round and lifted up on camels, or packed with sawdust, specially when
+they're twenty-seven milds acrost.
+
+So they brung this great picter of it. I spoze it is a sight to see it.
+
+But Josiah felt that he couldn't afford to go in and see the sight, and
+he sez, "It is only a hole with some fire and ashes comin' out of the
+top of it."
+
+I sez ironically, "Some like our leech barrel, hain't it, with a few
+cinders on top?"
+
+"Why, yes; sunthin' like that," sez he. "It wouldn't pay to throw away
+money on ashes and fire that we can see any day to hum."
+
+I didn't argue with him, for I never took to volcanoes much--I never
+loved to git intimate with 'em. But it wuz a sight to behold, so Miss
+Plank said--she went in to see it. She said, "It took her breath away
+the sight on't, but she's got it back agin (the breath); she talked real
+diffuse about it. But to resoom. The Chinese Village wuz jest like
+goin' through China or bein' dropped down onbeknown to you into a China
+village.
+
+Two hundred Chinamen are here by a special dispensation of Uncle Sam.
+
+And next to China is the Captive Balloon. I had wondered a sight what
+that meant.
+
+Josiah thought that somebody had catched a young balloon, and wuz
+bringin' it up by hand, but I knew better than that. I knew that
+balloons didn't grow indigenious.
+
+And it wuz jest as I'd mistrusted--they had a big balloon here all tied
+up ready to start off at a minute's notice.
+
+You jest paid your money, and you could go on a trip up in it through
+the blue fields of air. I told Josiah "that it wouldn't be but a few
+years before folks would ride round in 'em jest as common as they do in
+wagons." Sez I, "Mebby we shall have a couple of our own stanchled up in
+our own barn."
+
+"You mean tied up," sez he, and I do spoze I did mean that.
+
+But now to look up at the great deep overhead, and consider the vastness
+of space, and consider the smallness of the ropes a-holdin' the balloon
+down, I said to myself, "Mebby it wuz jest as well not to tackle the job
+of ridin' out in it that day."
+
+Jest as I wuz a-meditatin' this Josiah spoke up, and sez, "I won't pay
+out no two dollars apiece to ride in it."
+
+And I sez, "I kinder want to go up in it, and I kinder don't want to."
+
+And he sez, "That is jest like wimmen--whifflin', onstabled,
+weak-livered."
+
+Sez I, "I believe you're afraid to go up in it."
+
+"Afraid!" sez he; "I wouldn't be afraid a mite if it broke loose and
+sailed off free into space."
+
+"Why don't you try it, then?" I urged. "Wall," he sez, a-lookin' round
+as if mebby he could find some excuse a-layin' round on the ground, or
+sailin' round in the air, "if I wuz," sez he--"if I had another vest on.
+I hain't dressed up exactly as I'd want to be to go a-balloon ridin'.
+
+"And then," sez he, a-brightenin' up, "I don't want to skair you. You'd
+most probable be skairt into a fit if it should break loose and start
+off independent into space. And it would take away all my enjoyment of
+such a pleasure excursion to see you a-layin' on the earth in a fit."
+
+Sez I, "It hain't vests or affection that holds you back, Josiah
+Allen--it's fear."
+
+"Fear!" sez he; "I don't know the meanin' of that word only from what
+I've read about it in the dictionary. Men don't know what it is to be
+afraid, and that is why," sez he, "that I've always been so anxious to
+have wimmen keep in her own spear, where men could watch over her,
+humble, domestic, grateful.
+
+"Nater plotted it so," sez he; "nater designs the male of creation to
+branch out, to venter, to labor, to dare, while the female stays to hum
+and tends to her children and the housework." Sez he, "In all the works
+of nater the females stay to hum, and the males soar out free.
+
+"It is a sweet and solemn truth," sez he, "and female wimmen ort to lay
+it to heart. In these latter days," sez he, "too many females are
+a-risin' up, and vainly a-tryin' to kick aginst this great law. But they
+can't knock it over," sez he--"the female foot hain't strong enough."
+
+He wuz a-goin' on in this remarkably eloquent way on his congenial
+theme, but I kinder drawed him in by remindin' him of Miss Sheldon's
+tent we see in the Transportation Buildin'--the one she used in her
+lonely journeyin' a-explorin' the Dark Continent. Sez I, "There is a
+woman that has kinder branched out."
+
+"Yes," sez he, "but men had to carry her." Sez he, "Samantha, the Lord
+designed it that females should stay to hum and tend to their babies,
+and wash the dishes. And when you go aginst that idee you are goin'
+aginst the everlastin' forces of nater. Nater has always had laws sot
+and immovable, and always will have 'em, and a passel of wimmen managers
+or lecturers hain't a-goin' to turn 'em round.
+
+"Nater made wimmen and sot 'em apart for domestic duties--some of which
+I have enumerated," sez he.
+
+"Whilst the males, from creation down, have been left free to skirmish
+round and git a livin' for themselves and the females secreted in the
+holy privacy of the hum life."
+
+Jest as he reached this climax we come in front of the Ostrich Farm,
+where thirty of the long-legged, humbly creeters are kept, and we hearn
+the keeper a-describin' the habits of the ostriches to some folks that
+stood round him.
+
+And Josiah, feelin' dretful good-natered and kinder patronizin' towards
+wimmen, and thinkin' that he wuz a-goin' to be strengthened in his talk
+by what the man wuz a-sayin', sez to me in a dretful, overbearin',
+patronizin' way, and some with the air as if he owned a few of the
+ostriches, and me, too, he kinder stood up straight and crooked his
+forefinger and bagoned to me.
+
+"Samantha," sez he, "draw near and hear these interestin' remarks. I
+always love," sez he, "to have females hear about the works of nater.
+It has a tendency," sez he, "to keep her in her place."
+
+Sez the man as we drew near, a-goin' on with his remarks--he wuz
+addressin' some big man--but we hearn him say, sez he--
+
+"The ostrich lays about a dozen and a half eggs in the layin'
+season--one every other day--and then she sets on the eggs about six
+hours out of the twenty-four, the male bird takin' her place for
+eighteen hours to her six.
+
+"The male bird, as you see, stays to hum and sets on the eggs three
+times as long as she duz, and takes the entire care of the young
+ostriches, while the female roams round free, as you may say."
+
+I turned round and sez to Josiah, "How interestin' the works of Nater
+are, Josiah Allen. How it puts woman in her proper spear, and men, too!"
+
+He looked real meachin' for most a minute, and then a look of madness
+and dark revenge come over his liniment. A tall, humbly male bird stood
+nigh him, as tall agin most as he wuz.
+
+And as I looked at Josiah he muttered, "I'll learn him--I'll learn the
+cussed fool to keep in his own spear."
+
+I laid holt of his vest, and sez I, "What, do you mean, Josiah Allen, by
+them dark threats? Tell me instantly," sez I, for I feared the worst.
+
+"Seein' this dum fool is so willin' to take work on him that don't
+belong for males to do, I'll give him a job at it. I'll see if I can't
+ride some of the consarned foolishness out of him."
+
+Sez I, "Be calm, Josiah; don't throw away your own precious life through
+madness and revenge. The ostrich hain't to blame, he's only actin' out
+Nater."
+
+"Nater!" sez Josiah scornfully--"Nater for males to stay to hum and set
+on eggs, and hatch 'em, and brood young ones? Don't talk to me!"
+
+He wuz almost by the side of himself.
+
+And in spite of my almost frenzied appeals to restrain him, he lanched
+upon him.
+
+You could ride 'em by payin' so much, and money seemed to Josiah like so
+much water then, so wild with wrath and revenge wuz he.
+
+I see he would go, and I reached my hand up, and sez I, "Dear Josiah,
+farewell!"
+
+But he only nodded to me, and I hearn him murmurin' darkly--
+
+"Seein' he's so dum accommodatin' that he's took wimmen's work on him
+that they ort to do themselves, I'll give him a pull that will be apt to
+teach him his own place."
+
+[Illustration: "I'll give him a pull that will be apt to teach him
+his own place."]
+
+And he started off at a fearful rate; round and round that inclosure
+they went, Josiah layin' his cane over the sides of the bird, and the
+keeper a-yellin' at him that he'd be killed.
+
+And when they come round by us the first time I heard him
+a-aposthrofizin' the bird--
+
+"Don't you want to set on some more eggs? don't you want to brood a
+spell?" and then he would kick him, and the ostrich would jump, and
+leap, and rare round. But the third time he come round I see a change--I
+see deadly fear depictered in his mean, and sez he wildly--
+
+"Samantha, save me! save me! I am lost!" sez he.
+
+I wuz now in tears, and I sez wildly--
+
+"I will save that dear man, or perish!" and I wuz jest a-rushin' into
+the inclosure when they come a-tearin' round for the fourth time, and
+jest a little ways from us the ostrich give a wild yell and leap, and
+Josiah wuz thrown almost onto our feet.
+
+As the keeper rushed in to pick him up, we see he held a feather in his
+hand.
+
+He thought it wuz tore out by excitement, and Josiah clinched the
+feathers to save himself.
+
+But Josiah owned up to me afterwards that he gin up that he wuz a-goin'
+to be killed, and that his last thought wuz as he swooned away--wuz how
+much ostrich feathers cost, and how sweet it would be to give me a last
+gift of dyin' love, by pickin' a feather off for nothin'.
+
+I groaned and sithed when he told me, and sez I, "What won't you do
+next, Josiah Allen?"
+
+But this wuz hereafter, and to pick up the thread of my story agin.
+
+Wall, Josiah wuzn't killed, he wuz only stunted, and he soon recovered
+his conscientousness.
+
+And before half a hour passed away he wuz a-talkin' as pert as you
+please, a-boastin' of how he would tell it in Jonesville. Sez he, "I
+wonder what Deacon Henzy will say when I tell him that I rode a bird
+while I wuz here?" Sez he, "He never rode a crow or a sparrer."
+
+"Nor you, nuther," sez I; "how could you ride a crow?"
+
+"Wall," sez he, "I've rid a ostrich, and the news will cause great
+excitement in Jonesville, and probable up as fur as Zoar and Loontown."
+
+Then come Solomon's Temple. Josiah and I both felt that that wuz a good
+scriptural sight, worthy of a deacon and a deaconess, for some say that
+that is the proper way to address a deacon's wife.
+
+But come to find out, the Temple wuz inside of a house, and you had to
+pay to go in.
+
+And I sez, "Less pay, Josiah Allen, and go in."
+
+And he said that "it wuzn't scriptural. Solomon's Temple in Bible times
+never had a house built round it. And he wuzn't a-goin' to encourage
+folks to go on and build meetin'-housen inside of other housen.
+
+"Why," sez he, "if that idee is encouraged, they will be for buildin' a
+house round the Jonesville meetin'-house, and we will have to pay to go
+in."
+
+Sez he, "Less show our colors for the right, Samantha."
+
+The argument wuz a middlin' good one, though I felt that there wuzn't no
+danger.
+
+But he went on ahead, and I had to foller on after him, like two old
+ducks goin' to water.
+
+I guess that if it had been free he wouldn't have insisted on our
+showin' our colors.
+
+Wall, the end of the Plaisance wuz devoted to soldiers, military
+displays, and camps and drill grounds.
+
+Quite a spacious place, as big as two city blocks, and it must have been
+very interestin' for war-like people to look on and see 'em in their
+handsome uniforms, a-marchin', and a-counter-marchin', and a-haltin',
+and a-presentin' arms, etc., etc.
+
+And there wuz gardens and orange groves nigh by, too, where you could
+see ripe oranges and green ones hangin' to the same trees--dretful
+interestin' sight.
+
+Wall, if you would turn back agin and go towards the Fair ground on the
+south side, a Hungarian Orpheum is seen first. This is a dance hall,
+theatre, and restaurant all combined.
+
+Folks can dance here all the time from mornin' till night, if they want
+to, but we didn't want to dance--no, indeed! nor see it; our legs wuz
+too wore out, and so wuz our eyes, so we wended on to the Lapland
+Village.
+
+The main buildin' in this is a hundred feet long, with a square tower in
+the centre.
+
+Above the main entrance is a large paintin' representin' a scene in
+Lapland. Inside the inclosure are the huts of a Lapland Village, with
+the Laps all there to work at their own work.
+
+What a marvellous change for them! Transported from a country where
+there is eight months of total darkness, and four months of twilight or
+midnight sun, and so cold that no instrument has ever been invented to
+tell how cold it is.
+
+When the frozen seas and ice and snow is all they can see from birth
+till death.
+
+I wonder what they think of the change to this dazzlin' daylight, and
+the grandeur and bloom of 1893!
+
+But still they seem to weather it out a considerable time in their own
+icy home.
+
+King Bull, who is in Chicago, is one hundred and twelve years old, and
+is a five great-grandpa.
+
+And most of the five generations of children is with him here. But
+marryin' as they do at ten or twelve, they can be grandpa a good many
+times in a hundred years, as well as not.
+
+In this village is their housen, their earth huts, their tepees,
+orniments, reindeers, dogs, sledges, fur clothin', boats, fishin'
+tackle, etc., etc.
+
+As queer a sight as I ever see, and here it wuz agin, my Josiah and me
+a-journeyin' way off in Lapland--the idee!
+
+[Illustration: My Josiah and me a-journeyin' way off in Lapland--the
+idee!]
+
+The Dahomey Village come next. This shows the homes and customs of that
+country where the wimmen do all the fightin'.
+
+I sez to Josiah, "What a curiosity that wuz!"
+
+And he sez, "I d'no about the curiosity on't. It don't seem so to me;
+some wimmen fight with their fists," sez he, "and some with their
+tongues."
+
+That wuz his mean, onderhanded way of talkin'.
+
+But these wimmen are about as humbly as they make wimmen anywhere.
+
+And as for clothes, they are about as poor on't for 'em as anybody I see
+to the Fair. They had on jest as few as they could.
+
+They say their war dances is a sight to see. But I didn't let Josiah
+look on any dancin' or anything of the kind that I could help. I did not
+forget what I mistrusted he sometimes lost sight on, when he's on
+towers--that he wuz a deacon and a grandpa.
+
+He acted kinder longin' to the last. He said "he spozed it wuz a sight
+to see 'em dance and beat their tom-toms."
+
+And I sez, "I don't want to see no children beat; and," sez I, "what did
+Tom do to deserve beatin'?"
+
+Sez he, "I meant their drums, and the stuns they roll round in their
+husky skin bags, and cymbals," sez he.
+
+"Then," sez I, "why didn't you say so?"
+
+Sez he, "I spoze to see them humbly creeters with rings in their noses,
+a-dancin' and contortin' their bodies, and twistin' 'em round, is a
+sight. And I spoze the noises is as deafenin' as it would be for all the
+Jonesville meetin'-house to knock all the tin pans and bilers they could
+git holt of together, and yell.
+
+"And they don't wear nothin' but some feathers," sez he.
+
+"Wall," sez I, "I don't want to see no sech sight, and I don't want you
+to."
+
+And dretful visions, as I said it, rolled through my mind of the awful
+day it would be for Jonesville, if Josiah Allen should carry home any
+such wild idees, and git the other old Jonesvillians stirred up in it.
+
+To see him, and Deacon Henzy, and Deacon Bobbet, and the rest dressed up
+in a few feathers a-jumpin' round, and a-beatin' tin-pans, and
+a-contortin' their old frames, would, I thought, be the finishin' touch
+to me. I had stood lots of his experimentin' and branchin's out into new
+idees, but I felt that I could not brook this, so I would not heed his
+desire to stop. I made him move onwards.
+
+And then come Austria. There is thirty-six buildin's here, and they show
+Austrian life and costumes in every particular.
+
+Then come the Police Station, and Fire Department, and then a French
+Cider Press; but I didn't care nothin' about seein' that--cider duz more
+hurt than whiskey enough sight, American or French, and it wuzn't any
+treat to me to see it made, or drunk up, nor the effects on it nuther.
+
+Then there wuz a large French Restaurant, one of the best-built
+structures on the ground.
+
+Then come right along St. Peter's, jest as it is in this world, saints
+a-follerin' sinners.
+
+It is the exact model of the Church of St. Peter's at Rome.
+
+I would go in to see that, and Josiah consented after a parley.
+
+It is the exact model down to the most minute details of that most
+wonderful glory of art. It is about thirty feet long, and about three
+times as high as Josiah, and it is a sight to remember; it is perfectly
+beautiful.
+
+In this buildin' where the model is seen is some portraits of the
+different Popes, and besides these large models is some smaller ones of
+the beautiful Cathedral of Milan, the Piambino Palace, the Pantheon, and
+a statute of St. Peter himself.
+
+Good old creeter, how I've always liked him, and thought on him!
+
+But Josiah hurried me almost beyend my strength on the way out, for the
+Ferris Wheel wuz indeed nigh to us, and I forgive Josiah for his ardor
+when I see it.
+
+[Illustration: The Ferris Wheel wuz indeed nigh to us, and I forgive
+Josiah for his ardor when I see it.]
+
+If there wuz nothin' else to the World's Fair but jest that wheel, it
+would pay well to go clear from Jonesville to Chicago to see it. It
+stands up aginst the sky like a huge spider-web. It is two hundred and
+fifty feet in diameter--jest one wheel; think of that! As wide as twenty
+full-sized city houses--the idee! And there are thirty-six cars hitched
+to it, and sixty persons can ride in each car. So you can figger it out
+jest how much that huge spider-web catches when it gits in motion. Wall,
+my feelin's when I wuz a-bein' histed up through the air wuz about half
+and half--half sublimity and orr as I looked out on the hull glory of
+the world spread at my feet, and Lake Michigan, and everything--
+
+That part wuz clear riz up and noble, and then the other half wuz a
+skittish feelin' and a-wonderin' whether the tacklin' would give way,
+and we should descend with a smash.
+
+But the fifty-nine other people in the car with me didn't seem to be
+afraid, and I thought of the thirty-five other cars, all full, and
+a-swingin' up in the air with me; and the thought revived me some, and I
+managed to maintain my dignity and composure.
+
+Josiah acted real highlarious, and he wanted to swing round time and
+agin; he said "he would give a cent to keep a-goin' all day long."
+
+But I frowned on the idee, and I hurried him off by the model of the
+Eiffel Tower into Persia.
+
+There it wuz agin, my pardner and I a-travellin' in Persia--the very
+same Persia that our old Olney's gography had told us about years and
+years ago--a-visitin' it our own selves.
+
+I see the bazaars and booths all filled with the costliest laces, and
+rugs, and embroideries, and the Persians themselves a-sellin' 'em.
+
+But Josiah hurried me along at a fearful rate, for I had got my eye onto
+some lace that I wanted.
+
+I did not want to be extravagant, but I did want some of that lace; I
+thought how it would set off that night-cap.
+
+But he said "that Jonesville lace wuz good enough if I had got to have
+any; but," sez he, "I don't wear lace on my night-cap."
+
+"No," sez I; "how lace would look on a red woollen night-cap!"
+
+"Wall," sez he, "why don't you wear red woollen ones?"
+
+Sez I, "Josiah, you're not a woman."
+
+"No," sez he; "you wouldn't catch a man goin' to Persia for trimmin' for
+a night-cap."
+
+His axents jarred onto me, and mechanically I follered him into the
+Moorish Palace.
+
+One reason why I follered him so meekly and willin'ly, I didn't know but
+he would broach the subject of seein' them Persian wimmen dance.
+
+And I felt that I would ruther give a hull churnin' of fall's butter
+than to have his moral old mind contaminated with the sight.
+
+For they do say, them who have seen the sight, that "them Persian
+dancin' girls carry dancin' clear to the very verge of ondecency, and
+drop way off over the verge."
+
+I see lots of wimmen comin' out with their fan held before their
+blushin' faces.
+
+They say that wimmen fairly enjoy a-goin' in there to be horrified.
+
+They go day after day, they say, so to come out all horrified up, and
+their faces bathed in blushes.
+
+The men didn't come out at all, so they said.
+
+Wall, Josiah Allen didn't git in--no, indeed. I remembered the
+Jonesville meetin'-house, our pasture, and the grandchildren, and kept
+'em before him all the time, so I tided him over that crisis.
+
+Now, I never had paid any attention to the Moors, and Josiah hadn't; we
+never had had any to neighbor with, and I felt that I wuzn't acquainted
+with 'em at all, unless of course I had a sort of bowin' acquaintance,
+as it wuz, with that one old Moor in my Olney's gography in my
+school-days.
+
+And what I'd seen of him didn't seem to make me hanker after any further
+acquaintance with him.
+
+But when I see that Palace of theirn I felt overwhelmed with shame and
+regret to think I'd always slighted 'em so, and never had made any
+overtoors towards becomin' intimate with 'em.
+
+The outside on't wuz splendid enough to almost take your breath, with
+its strange and gorgeous magnificence. It wuz sech a contrast in its
+construction to the Exposition Buildin's that lift their domes in such
+glory on the East.
+
+But if the outside struck a blow onto our admiration and astonishment,
+what--what shall I say of the inside?
+
+Why, as I entered that magnificent arched vestibule, with my faithful
+pardner by my side, and my good cotton umbrell grasped in my right hand,
+the view wuz pretty nigh overwhelmin' in its profusion of orniment and
+gorgeous decoration.
+
+That first look seemed to take me back to Spain right out of Chicago,
+and other troubles. I wuz a-roamin' there with Mr. Washington Irving,
+and Mr. Bancroft, and other congenial and descriptive minds, and
+surrounded with the gorgeous picters of that old time.
+
+I wuz back, I should presoom to say, as much, if not more, than four
+hundred years, when all to once I was recalled by my companion.
+
+"Dum it, I didn't know they charged folks for goin' to meetin'!"
+
+"Hush!" sez I; "this is not a meetin'-house, this is a palace; be calm!"
+
+And comin' down through the centuries as sudden as if jerked by a
+electric lasso of lightnin', I see that old familiar sight of a man
+a-settin' a-sellin' tickets.
+
+And Josiah with a deep sithe paid our fares, and we meandered onwards.
+
+Right beyend the ticket man, to the right on him, wuz a colonnade
+runnin' round a circular room covered with a ruff in the shape of a
+tent. The ceilin' and walls are covered with landscape views of Southern
+Spain, and a mandolin orchestra carried out the idee of a Andulusian
+Garden.
+
+And then comes a labyrinth of columns and mirrors, and through 'em and
+round 'em and up overhead wuz splendor on splendor of orniment,
+gorgeousness on gorgeousness.
+
+These columns are made to put one in mind of the Alhambria, where we so
+often strayed with our friend Washington Irving.
+
+[Illustration: Josiah paid our fares.]
+
+And oh, what curious feelin's it did make me have to cast my eyes
+onwards amongst these splendid arches and pillows, and see anon or
+oftener a tall Moor, with his long robe and his white turban, or
+whatever they call it, a-fallin' round his face!
+
+And then another and another of the white-robed figgers, a-glidin' round
+in amongst the arches, or a-settin' there in a vista of gorgeousness,
+like ghosts of the past come to visit the Columbus Fair.
+
+Way beyend the labyrinths, and to the left on't, is the Palm Garden,
+with lounging places for three or four hundred visitors, and a Moorish
+orchestra hid by a cluster of branchin' palms, and Arab attendants in
+native costumes.
+
+And then there wuz grottoes and fountains lit by electric lights, and
+groups of statuary illustratin' famous historical seens.
+
+And right here, while the past wuz a-pressin' so clost to us, that we
+wuz almost took back there in the body--our minds wuz there, way, way
+back--
+
+When sudden, swift, wuz we brung back from the past--brung back to
+conscientousness, as it were, by two forms and two voices.
+
+Here of all places in the world, in the heart of a Moorish palace, did
+my eyes fall upon the faces of Bizer Dagget, and Selinda, his wife.
+
+And I sez, as my eyes fell from the contemplation of art-decked freeze
+and fretted archways onto the old familar freckled face, and green
+alpaca dress, and Bizer's meek sandy whiskers, and pepper-and-salt
+suit--
+
+Sez I, "Whyee, Selinda and Bizer, is it you? How do you do? When did you
+git here? You didn't lay out to come when we started."
+
+"No," sez Selinda; "you know jest how it wuz, you know we had his folks
+to take care on, and Father Dagget wuz so helpless that we had to lift
+him round. And we shouldn't been able to git here at all, only Father
+had a severe fall out o' bed one night in the dead of night. He wuz all
+alone, and skairt--so we spoze--and that fall took him off on the second
+day.
+
+"And as quick as we could git ready we sot off here.
+
+[Illustration: "Whyee! Selinda and Bizer, is it you?"]
+
+"It didn't seem really right, but you know Father hain't known anything
+for upwards of two years, and you know jest how bad we did want to come
+here.
+
+"But I don't know as it wuz exactly right to come off so soon after he
+fell. I spoze it will make talk, I spoze his folks will talk, and the
+Jonesvillians."
+
+"But," I sez, for I wanted to comfort her--she's a good creeter--
+
+Sez I, "Columbus had to wait before he sot out to discover us, till
+Grenada fell, and that made talk." Sez I, "Probable Columbuses folks
+talked as much as Bizer's folks will. But," sez I, "it wuz all for the
+best.
+
+"And," sez I, "your Father Dagget wuz a good creeter before he lost his
+mind."
+
+"Yes," sez she, "but for upwards of two years he's tried to put his
+pantaloons on over his head, and he'd put his arms in his boots every
+time if we'd let him, thinkin' it wuz a vest."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "you've did well by him, Selinda, and now if I wuz in
+your and Bizer's place, I'd try to look round all I could and git my
+mind off, and see everything I could see."
+
+Sez she with a deep sithe, "There hain't no trouble about that; there is
+enough to see." Sez she, "It seems as though I had seen enough every
+five minutes sence I come, if it wuz spread out even and smooth, to
+cover a hull lifetime, and cover it thick, too," sez she.
+
+"And," sez I, warmly and candidly, "Heaven knows that is true--true as
+gospel."
+
+And then Selinda and Bizer, and Josiah and me walked on into other parts
+of the buildin', and there we see a small-lookin' model of the Santa
+Maria, the Admiral's flag-ship, manned by men with the same clothes on
+as wuz wore by Columbuses mariners. That filled me with large emotions,
+and Selinda felt it too.
+
+And it wuz here that Josiah nudged me, and sez he, "You've always
+throwed it into my face that men don't think so much of each other as
+wimmen do; and now," sez he, "look at them two men--I've watched 'em as
+long as ten minutes--a-holdin' each other's hands."
+
+And sure enough, I turned, and I see two good-lookin' men a-holdin' each
+other by the hand as if they loved each other fondly--
+
+As if they couldn't bear to leggo. They wuz first-rate lookin' men, too,
+and you could see plain by their liniments how much store they sot by
+each other.
+
+Wall, Josiah and I wended off and looked at the wax figgers of Lincoln,
+and the death of Marie Antoinette, and lots of other interestin' wax
+statutes; and when we come back, there stood them two men still
+a-holdin' each other by the hand; and Josiah whispered agin, "How they
+love each other! no gabblin' and gushin', like wimmen, but jest silent,
+clost, deep love."
+
+"But," I sez, "I believe there is sunthin' wrong about 'em. It hain't
+nateral for men to stand still so long holt of hands. I believe they're
+in a fit or sunthin'."
+
+"A fit!" sez he. "I spoze a woman would have a fit if she had to keep
+still a minute with another woman in gunshot of her.
+
+"But to satisfy you," sez he, "I'll see."
+
+So he accosted 'em, and sez he, "I will ask the way to Noah's Ark." So
+he advanced with a polite air, and sez he, "Could either one of you two
+gentlemen tell me where Noah's Ark is situated?" Sez he, "Bizer is
+anxious to see it."
+
+They didn't move or stir, and Josiah agin sez, "Do you know where Noah's
+Ark is?" and he laid his hand on the arm of one of the men who stood
+near him.
+
+A Columbian Guard who stood near sez, "Keep your hand offen the wax
+figger!"
+
+Josiah wuz mortified most to death. He'd wanted to show off the equality
+of his sect, and to have man's love and fidelity proved to be but wax
+wuz harrowin'.
+
+But he didn't stay mortified more'n a minute and a half on sech a
+business.
+
+And the Guard told us where Noah's Ark wuz.
+
+And Bizer and Josiah wuz all carried away with it. This wuz in the
+children's room, and all the animals are reproduced life size, every one
+of 'em two and two, jest as they enter the Ark.
+
+We couldn't hardly tear our two pardners away, Selinda and I couldn't.
+
+Josiah said, "It wuz so beautiful and interestin'," and so Bizer said.
+
+But I believe what made them men cling to it so for sech a length of
+time, they hearn us talk about how we wanted to go into the Bazaar,
+where there wuz lots of things to sell.
+
+But finally they see they couldn't hold us back no longer, so we went
+through that gorgeous place, all full of bronzes, rugs, vases, pipes,
+and etcetry.
+
+We didn't stay long here, though, for Bizer and Josiah said that the air
+wuz that bad they wuz chokin', and that they couldn't stan' it.
+
+And Selinda and I a-feelin' that chokin' a pardner wuz the last thing we
+wanted to undertake, we went through it at a pretty good jog, and anon
+we found ourselves in Turkey; and here I found the Turkeys had done
+first-rate.
+
+Why, one piece of their hand-wrought lace wuz worth hundreds of
+thousands of dollars. While I wuz a-admirin' of it, Josiah whispered
+firmly--
+
+"Don't go to thinkin' of that old night-cap in sech a time as this."
+
+And I whispered back, "I hain't no more idee on't than you have of
+buyin' that old tent to take down to the lake with you a-fishin'."
+
+That very old battle-tent wuz all hand work, embroidered in gold and
+silver and silk in nateral figgers, and they said it wuz worth five
+millions of dollars--
+
+And a silver bedstead the Sultan is a-goin' to give to his daughter as
+a part of her settin' out when she marries wuz worth four hundred and
+fifty thousand dollars.
+
+You can from this form some idee of the value of the other enormous
+exhibits.
+
+And the most beautiful horses you ever see, right from the Sultan's
+stable, wuz a-prancin' round. And one hundred Beoudins with camels and
+dromedaries added to the picteresqueness of the seen.
+
+And then we see Cleopatri's needle, that tall column a-risin' up to the
+sky, all covered with writin' worse than mine, and that's a-sayin' a
+good deal. I couldn't read a word on't, nor Josiah couldn't.
+
+And to the back of the Grand Bazaar wuz leven cottages, where male and
+female Turkeys wuz workin' at their different trades, showin' jest how
+rugs, and carpets, and embroideries, and brass work is made.
+
+As I said to Selinda, "Would you believed it possible, Selinda, if we'd
+been told on't a dozen years ago that you and I should be a-travellin'
+in Turkey to-day?"
+
+And she said, "No, indeed; she had never imagined that she should ever
+visit sech foreign shores."
+
+Yes, we felt considerable riz up to think that we wuz engaged in foreign
+travel, but not hauty. No, we are both on us well-principled, and don't
+believe in puttin' on airs.
+
+Wall, we stayed here a good while, and Josiah thought he'd eat sunthin'
+here, too. If he'd had his way, he would had a good square meal in every
+foreign country, and native one, too. That man's appetite is wonderful.
+Foreign countries can't quell it down, nor rumatiz, nor nothin'.
+
+Hakenbeck's animal show comes next, and it is the most complete--so they
+say--that wuz ever exhibited.
+
+The tent is two hundred feet square, and is filled with all the animals
+that ever went into the Ark, and more, too, I believe. Five thousand
+people can go in here at one time, and set down, and see lions a-ridin'
+on horseback, with a woman to run the performance, and see animals
+a-doin' everything else that ever wuz done by 'em, and tigers, and
+elephants, and performin' horses, and two hundred monkeys, and one
+thousand parrots.
+
+We didn't go in, but Josiah slipped in one day when I wuzn't with him,
+and he described it to me. He owned up to me that he had.
+
+And he said he did it to keep me from havin' sech a skair.
+
+"Why," sez he, "a woman that is afraid of a gobbler, and runs from a
+snake--
+
+"Why," sez he, "I wouldn't as a man of feelin' take her right in the way
+of havin' her feelin's hurt and skairin' her most to death for nothin'
+this world could give."
+
+And I said--and I meant it--"If it hadn't been for the fifty cents I
+guess you wouldn't felt so, Josiah Allen."
+
+But he stuck to it that it wuz pure affection and principle. I d'no what
+to think about it, but I have my suspicions.
+
+Wall, at the next place Josiah could not be restrained. It wuz the good
+old-fashioned New England house with gable ends, and here a good New
+England dinner wuz served.
+
+And sez Josiah, "I don't leave this house till I have a good square
+meal."
+
+Bizer felt jest so, and so Selinda and I jined 'em in a meal most as
+good as she and I got up to hum, and that is sayin' a great deal.
+
+Josiah's satisfaction in eatin' that pork and beans, and them doughnuts,
+wuz a sight to witness.
+
+Bizer called for cold biled vittles, and sure enough, they brung 'em on.
+
+And the enjoyment of them two men wuz extreme. Selinda and I took
+comfort in some old-fashioned pound-cake and custard pie.
+
+Selinda said she'd love to have the receipt of that pound-cake.
+
+Selinda is a good plain cook. She can't cook like me, of course, but she
+duz well.
+
+Wall, their extra good meal had sot up Josiah and Bizer to a wonderful
+extent (they had drunk coffee too strong for 'em by half, and I knew
+it), and them two men wanted to go back into the Cairo Street. Bizer and
+Selinda had never seen it, and all the way there Josiah seemed to be on
+the lookout to do sunthin' heroic and surprisin' to Bizer.
+
+And jest after we got there, we did see as strange a sight as I ever
+see. It wuz a Eastern Fakir, as they called him. He wuz performin' one
+of his strange sights right there before our face and eyes.
+
+A big crowd wuz gathered round him of human bein's in all strange
+costumes, and camels and their drivers, and dromedaries, and donkeys,
+and everything else under the sun. But this man stood calm under the
+sights and ear-piercin' yells and jabbers.
+
+And in some way, I d'no how, nor Josiah don't, he wuz a-holdin' another
+Japan or Turkey--anyway, one of them foreign men--suspended right up in
+the air.
+
+I see it, and Josiah see it, and Bizerses folks. Eight eyes from
+Jonesville looked at it, to say nothin' of the assembled crowd.
+
+He wuzn't restin' on nothin' at all, so fur as we could see. What
+material wrought out of the Occult World wuz piled up under him I d'no.
+
+There might have been a sofa and two cushions wrought out of another
+fabric different from what we know anything about, and that don't make
+any show aginst the summer sky.
+
+And then, agin, it might be that Josiah wuz right.
+
+He sez, "It's easy enough to do that. He casts a mist before our eyes,
+and we have to see jest what he wanted us to."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "if I had to do one of 'em to entertain the Missionary
+Society at Jonesville, I d'no but I had jest as soon hist Submit
+Tewksbury up in the air, and suspend her there in our parlor, as to cast
+mists before the eyes of the Jonesvillians and make 'em see her there
+when she wuz a-settin' on the sofa. Either one on 'em is queer--queer as
+a dog."
+
+"Wall," sez he, "you don't want to go into any sech a job. You'll kill
+Submit, anyway, experimentin' on her."
+
+And I sez, "You needn't worry; I hain't a-goin' to try to branch out
+into no sech doin's." Sez I, "I wuz usin' Submit as a metafor."
+
+Wall, the Fakir after a while asked the queer-lookin' crowd gathered
+round him for money to try more experiments with.
+
+And wantin' to branch out and outdo Bizer, and make himself a hero,
+Josiah planked out a five-dollar bill.
+
+And then the man asked Josiah to look in his hat, and there inside the
+band he found the money, or so it seemed.
+
+And then he told me to look in my pocket, and there wuz five silver
+dollars to all appearance.
+
+I felt real well about it, and wuz about to put 'em into my portmoney,
+thinkin' that they wuz my lawful prey, seein' they had fell onto me
+through my pardner's weakness, when lo and behold! they wuzn't there.
+
+I felt real stunted, and kinder sot back.
+
+"Slight of hand," sez Josiah to me and Bizer. "Don't be afraid, I'll
+make it all right." And he reached out his hand to git the money back.
+The man handed the money back, or so we spozed, and vanished in the
+crowd.
+
+And Josiah, when he went to look in his hand, found some pink and white
+paper. He hollered round and acted for quite a spell, but the man wuz
+gone for good, and Josiah's money with him. Wall, Josiah wuz almost
+broken-hearted over the loss of his money; he felt awful browbeat and
+smut, and acted so.
+
+And then it wuz Bizer's time to show off and act. Nothin' to do but
+what Selinda had got to ride a camel.
+
+She hung back and acted 'fraid. She hain't a bit well, for all she is so
+fat. She has real dizzy spells sometimes, and is that cowardly that
+she'd be 'fraid to ride a cow, let alone one of them tall, humbly
+monsters. But nothin' to do but what Bizer would have his way.
+
+He did it jest to go ahead of us, and I knew it, for I put my foot right
+down in the first on't.
+
+Josiah would a paid out the money willin'ly ruther than had Bizer go
+ahead of him.
+
+Bizer said he wanted to give Selinda all the enjoyment he could while on
+her tower, she had been shet up so much, and hadn't had the pleasures
+she ort to had.
+
+I knew his motives and Selinda's feelin's, but couldn't break it up, for
+Selinda had always follered Elder Minkley's orders strict, that he gin
+her at the altar--
+
+"Wives, obey your husbands."
+
+She didn't rebel outward, but she whispered to me in pitiful axents--
+
+"I hate to ride that creeter--oh, how I hate to! But you know my
+principles," sez she; "you know I always said that wives ort to obey
+their pardners."
+
+And I sez, "When pardners and common sense conflict, I foller common
+sense every time. Howsumever," sez I, "if you want to air them
+principles of yourn, you won't be apt to find a more lofty place to
+exhibit 'em."
+
+And I glanced up the gray precipitous sides of that camel, and she
+looked up 'em, too, with fear and tremblin', but begun to gird her
+lions, figgeratively speakin', to obey Bizer and embark.
+
+She has always boasted to me and the other neighborin' wimmen that she
+has never disobeyed her husband once; and I sez to her cheerfully,
+"Wall, I have, and expect to agin, if the Lord spares my life."
+
+And so Miss Bobbet told her, and Miss Gowdy, and Miss Peedick, and all
+the rest. She acted so high-headed about it, that we said it some to
+take down her pride, and some on principle.
+
+We believed there wuz reason in all things, and none of us wimmen felt
+that we would stand
+
+"On a burnin' deck,
+Whence all but we had fled,"
+
+and burn up, even if our pardners had ordered us to. We wuz law-abidin',
+every one on us, but we felt there wuz times where law ended and common
+sense begun.
+
+But Selinda argued, I well remember, that if Bizer had ordered her to
+stay on that deck, she should stay and be sot fire to.
+
+And she praised up little Casey Bianky warmly, while we thought and said
+that Casey acted like a fool, and felt that Mr. Bianky would much ruther
+had him run and save himself than to burn up; anyway, old Miss Bianky
+would, and I believe his pa would.
+
+Men are good-hearted creeters the biggest heft of the time, but failable
+in judgment sometimes, jest like female wimmen.
+
+But Selinda wuz firm in her belief.
+
+And here this day in Chicago she gin one of the most remarkable proofs
+of it ever seen in this country.
+
+So while Selinda trembled like a popple leaf, and her false teeth
+rattled over her dry tongue (besides the camel, she wuz 'fraid as death
+of the Turkey that driv it, and he did look fierce), the camel knelt
+down, and the almost swoonin' Selinda was histed up onto his back by the
+proud and haughty Bizer, and the strange-lookin' Turkey.
+
+She had no more than got seated when the driver give a skairful yell,
+and the camel give a fearful lunge, and straightened up on its feet, and
+Selinda's bunnet fell back onto her neck, and lay there through the hull
+of the enterprise, and her gray hair floated back onchecked, for she
+dassent let her hands go a minit to fix it.
+
+It wuz a mournin' bunnet and veil, but black gittin' soiled so easy, she
+had put on a bright green alpaca dress she had, thinkin' that she
+wouldn't see nobody she knew; and she wore some old yeller mitts for the
+same reason, and some low, shabby-lookin' shoes, and some white
+stockin's.
+
+And her weight bein' two hundred and forty, she showed off vivid aginst
+the settin' sun.
+
+Selinda is a meek woman and obedient, but she cries easy. You have got
+to take good traits and bad ones in folks. She can't help it. She always
+cries in class meetin', or anywhere--has cried time and agin a-tellin'
+how she would be trompled on and lay down and have her head chopped off
+if Bizer told her to.
+
+And of course it couldn't be expected she would go through this fearful
+experience without sheddin' tears. No; before she had been up there two
+minits she begun to cry.
+
+[Illustration: Before she had been up there two minits she begun to
+cry.]
+
+She always makes up pitiful faces when she weeps. It has been talked on
+a sight in Jonesville, some sayin' she might help it, and some
+contendin' that she couldn't; but she skairs children frequent.
+
+But now she dassent leggo a minit to git her handkerchief, so she rode
+along weepin' silently, and a fearful sight for men or angels, but
+truly a cryin' monument of wifely devotion.
+
+As she moved off, I could see at the first strain her dress waist, bein'
+one of the short round ones with a belt, had bust asunder, leavin' a
+white waist of cotton flannel between 'em, which seemed to be a-growin'
+wider and wider all the time. (She wears cotton flannel for her health.)
+
+As I see this, and not knowin' what would ensue and take place in her
+clothin', I cast onto the wind my own fears, and the shrinkin' timidity
+of my sect, and graspin' my umbrell in my hand, I run along by the side
+of the lofty quadreped, a-tryin' to reach up and fix her a little.
+
+But I could not; her position wuz too lofty, the mount wuz too
+precipitous on which she sot.
+
+She see me, but she didn't stop her cryin', and the faces she wuz
+a-makin' wuz pitiful in the extreme, and skairful to anybody that hadn't
+seen 'em so much as I had. She wuz half bent, which made her
+cotton-flannel infirmity harder to witness.
+
+The camel wuz a-swayin' fearful from side to side, and a-lurchin'
+forwards and a lurchin' backwards at a dangerous rate.
+
+Oh, how dizzy-headed Selinda must have been! How skairt and how dretful
+her feelin's wuz!
+
+Sez I, "Dismount to once, Selinda Dagget."
+
+"No," sez she; "Bizer has placed me here, and here I will stay."
+
+"You don't know whether you will or not," sez I. "I believe you are
+a-fallin' off; and," sez I, "I'm 'fraid you'll git killed, Selinda; do
+git down!"
+
+"I fear it too," sez she, and she looked down on me with agony in her
+mean, and sez she--
+
+"Good-bye, Sister Allen; if we don't meet agin, we both believe in a
+better country."
+
+I wuz all carried away by my emotions, or wouldn't spoke out so; but I
+sez--
+
+"This country is all right enough, if folks didn't act like fools in
+it." Sez I, "Do you git down and pull down your bask, and wipe your nose
+and eyes; you look like fury, Selinda Dagget."
+
+"No," sez she; "Bizer wanted me to ride, and I shall die a-pleasin' him.
+I took vows of obedience onto me at the altar, and if I die here, Sister
+Allen, tell the female sistern at Jonesville that I died a-keepin' them
+vows."
+
+Sez I, "I'll tell 'em you died a nateral fool;" and sez I agin, "Git
+down offen that camel, Selinda Dagget, before you fall off."
+
+And I kep clost by her, and kinder poked at her with my umbrell, to let
+her know I hadn't deserted her, and havin' a blind idee that I could
+hold her up with it if the worst come.
+
+Where wuz Bizer durin' this fearful seen? while I wuz a-showin' plain
+the deathless devotion to my sect--to another one in distress.
+
+He wuz all took up with his own feelin's of pride and show.
+
+He wuz a-ridin' a donkey, and it wuz a-backin' up and a-actin', and took
+every mite of his strength and firmness to keep on.
+
+He had a tall white hat with a mournin' weed on't, and a long linen
+duster, and the wind blowed this out some like a balloon.
+
+He looked queer; but as soon as he stiddied himself on't he tried his
+best to reach the side of Selinda--I'll say that for him. But the donkey
+wuz obstinate, and kep a-backin' up, and Bizer, bein' his legs dragged,
+kinder walked along with the donkey under him. Occasionally he would set
+down for a spell, but the most of his journey wuz done a-walkin' afoot.
+And the crowd see it and cheered.
+
+It wuz hard on Bizer. Nothin' but pride and ambition led him into the
+undertakin', or kep him up through it.
+
+As for me, I lost all patience, and my breath, too, and went back to my
+pardner.
+
+And anon or about that time they made their rounds, and come back where
+Josiah and I stood.
+
+I reached up a handkerchief to Selinda as quick as I could, but she
+couldn't wipe her eyes or tend to her nose until she dismounted, or fix
+the gapin' kasum at the back of her waist.
+
+She greeted me warmly the minit her feet touched terry firmy, as one
+might who had come out of great peril. She's a good-hearted creeter.
+
+And between us both, with some pins I took out of my huzzy I always
+carry with me, we fixed her up agin.
+
+And if you'll believe it, the very minit I got her pinned up she begun
+to act high-headed and to boast of how much principle she'd shown.
+
+And I said, "You've shown more'n principle, Selinda; you've showed
+cotton flannel that you had ort to have kep to yourself. You have made a
+panorama that can't be described."
+
+"Yes," sez she; "it will be sunthin' to tell on all my life."
+
+She took it as a compliment. Oh dear me suz!
+
+Bizer had scraped the patent leather all offen the toes of his shoes,
+and had squandered three dollars in money, but he felt good. Yes, they
+both said what a excitement this adventure would make in Jonesville when
+they told on't.
+
+And I thought to myself, if the Jonesvillians could see jest how she
+looked, and he too, it would be apt to make a excitement.
+
+How many times did I digest this great truth while on my tower! How
+little we know sometimes what a appearance we are a-makin' before men
+and angels, when we think we are a-doin' sunthin' wonderful!
+
+Wall, Josiah wuz all took aback; he couldn't seem to bear Bizer's
+patronizin' ways so well as I could Selinda's. Truly, females learn the
+lesson well to suffer and be calm.
+
+But he acted kinder surly, and proposed that we should go hum; and bein'
+tired as a dog, I gin a willin' consent, and Bizer and Selinda parted
+from us, their way layin' different from ourn.
+
+Wall, that night, after we got back to Miss Plankses, I felt all kind o'
+shook up in sperit, and considerable as I do when I've eat too hearty,
+and of too many kinds of food.
+
+You know, you mustn't swaller a big meal too quick, or eat too many
+kinds of food when you're tired, or it won't set right on your stomach.
+
+I felt real dyspeptic in my mind that night, and I felt that I had
+wandered out of the sweet, level paths of Moderation and Megumness that
+I love to wander in.
+
+But I am a eppisodin', and to resoom.
+
+It seemed as if the bed never felt so good to me as it did that night;
+and the pillers never felt so soft, and quiet, and comfortable. And
+with a deep sithe of content I went out at once into the Land of Sleep,
+and bein' too tired to
+
+    "tread its windin' ways
+Beyend the reach of busy feet,"
+
+I sunk down under the shade of a branchin' Poppy Tree, and laid there
+becalmed and peaceful till Miss Plankses risin' bell rung--way up the
+stairway, up into my bedroom--and echoed over into the Land, shook the
+drowsy boughs over my head, and waked me up.
+
+And then, tired as I wuz the night before, I felt considerable chipper.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX.
+
+
+Wall, this mornin' we sot off in good season. We would always lay our
+plans in the mornin', and that mornin' I said, "I would love to tackle
+the Agricultural Buildin'."
+
+And Josiah gin his willin' consent. He said, "After so much gildin' and
+orniments, he would love to look at a potato, or a rutabagy, or a
+cowcumber."
+
+And I sez, "If you lay out to git rid of seein' orniments, you had
+better not stir out of your tracks."
+
+And Nony Piddock said, "It sickened a man to see so much vain orniment."
+
+And the Twin said, "It wuz perfectly beautiful to see it."
+
+And the rest of the boarders bein' agreed jest about as well on't, we
+set out for the Agricultural Hall in pretty good sperits.
+
+Wall, truly did Nony say that the orniments wuz impressive and
+overwhelmin'.
+
+Now, I thought I had seen orniments, and I thought I had seen pillows.
+
+Why, Father Allen had a porch held up by as many as five pillows--holler
+ones--boarded round and painted to look like granite stun.
+
+And our Meetin'-House steeple wuz, I had always spozed, ornimented.
+
+Why, we had gin as high as fourteen dollars for the ornimental work on
+that steeple, and the Jonesvillians, and the Loontowns, and the Zoarites
+come from fur and near to look at it and admire it, the Jonesvillians in
+pride and the others in envy, and a-hankerin' to have one like it.
+
+[Illustration: The Jonesvillians, and the Loontowns, and the
+Zoarites came from fur and near to admire it.]
+
+But truly our pride in that steeple tottered and fell when we hove in
+sight of that Agricultural Hall.
+
+And when you look at the size of that buildin', and the grandeur of it,
+you can see plain what sort of a place Agriculture holds in the minds of
+the world, and how much store folks set on eatin'; and truly, how could
+the world git along without it? It would run right down.
+
+Why, imagine, if you can, eight hundred feet one way and five hundred
+the other way, all orniments and pillows, pillows and orniments, and one
+big towerin' dome in the centre, and lots of smaller ones, each one
+topped off with the most beautiful figger, and groups of figgers, you
+ever laid eyes on.
+
+Where wuz Father Allen's pillow, and our steeple? Gone, crushed down
+under twenty-six hundred feet of clear pillows and orniments.
+
+On top of the great central dome stands the beautiful figger of Diana,
+who had flown away from Madison Square, New York, and had settled down
+here on purpose to delight the beholders of the United Globe with her
+beauty and grace.
+
+She wuz still a-holdin' her arrows in her hand, still a-turnin' her
+beautiful face around so everybody could see it, still a-kickin' at the
+wind with her pretty heel. But, as in the past, so now, let her kick
+ever so hard, she couldn't turn the wind a mite when it got its mind
+made up to blow from any particular pint of the compass.
+
+And besides this figger on the dome, every little while on the four
+corners of the buildin' wuz long, low groups of female wimmen a-holdin'
+garlands, depicterin' the four seasons.
+
+And the long line of pillows would be broken by noble piers, with a
+beautiful group of figgers on every one on 'em, and some flags a-wavin'
+out, as if to draw attention to the perfectness of the statutes.
+
+One on 'em wuz a good-lookin' man a-holdin' two prancin' horses, and I
+sez to myself, I am glad to see a man a-holdin' the bits for once.
+
+But come to look closter, I see that there wuz two figgers--little
+girls, I guess--that wuz holt of the horses' heads. And then I see the
+man had a sword in one hand and a club in the other. He wuzn't to
+blame--he couldn't hold 'em. Jest like Josiah; lots of times he would be
+real glad to do things, only his hands are full.
+
+And then another group wuz a beautiful female a-standin' up between two
+great, big, long-horned oxen, a-holdin' them powerful-lookin' beasts
+with a rope made of posies.
+
+Good land! I wouldn't held 'em with iron chains. They looked so
+high-headed, and their horns looked so long, and it seemed too bad to
+put her at such a dangerous job.
+
+But she didn't seem to be a mite afraid; she looked calm, and she had on
+plenty of store clothes, which wuz indeed a comfort.
+
+[Illustration: She didn't seem to be a mite afraid.]
+
+And then, besides these main piers, with their large, beautiful groups,
+there wuz fifty-two smaller piers, each one havin' a handsome statute,
+representin' winged Geniis, sometimes a-holdin' tablets in their hands,
+and anon horns of plenty, and abundance.
+
+Most of this beautiful sculpture wuz designed by a man named Martiney,
+French born, but I guess a-callin' himself an American now.
+
+And I thought, as I looked at it, I would love to see him, and tell him
+how well I thought on him and his works. He also made the beautiful
+orniments in the interior of the large rotunda, and the great figger of
+Ceres that stands in the centre.
+
+In the pediment over the main entrance stands another beautiful figger
+of Ceres--she that wuz Demetor Saturn.
+
+I spoze, mebby, now we ort to call her Miss Jupiter. But, anyway, she is
+as good-hearted as can be, always a-handin' out grain and food to the
+perishin'.
+
+Here she stands in the sculpture, which is made by an American, Mr. Mead
+by name--here she stands, tall and benignant, in the centre of as many
+as twenty men, wimmen, and children, a-sufferin' from hunger the most on
+'em, and she a-handin' out food right and left. What a good creeter she
+is, anyway!
+
+Wall, mebby I have gin you a faint, a very faint idee of the beauty of
+the hull twenty-six hundred feet of solid loveliness and perfection.
+
+But who--who will tell what we see inside on't?
+
+In this buildin' every State in the Union, and almost every civilized
+nation of the world, is represented with agricultural exhibits, and food
+products in their manufactured state. Prizes will be gin at the end of
+the Fair to the _best_.
+
+Every nation is shown up here; and if you have got any learnin', you
+can look it up in your own Gography, and realize the number on 'em, and
+the immense size of the exhibition.
+
+And then there is the most interestin' exhibits in agricultural
+teachin', Schools and Colleges of different nations, side by side with
+the best American colleges of Agriculture, and Experimental Stations.
+
+Here in this exhibit you can see everything eatable and drinkable, from
+Jonesville wheat to palm sugar, and all sorts of vegetables that wuz
+ever seen, and the very biggest ones that wuz ever grown, from a sweet
+potato to a squash, and peanuts to cocoanuts--
+
+And all sorts of animal products, from a elephant's tusk, from Africa,
+to a sleek deacon's skin, from Jonesville.
+
+And then, besides the exhibit of raw products of every kind, from Egypt
+to Shackville, there are shown off all sorts of manufactured foods, and
+everything else, and so forth and so on.
+
+If you stay here long enough, say from 2 to 3 months, you can git a good
+idee of what the world feeds on, from Hindoostan to Loontown and Zoar.
+
+Josiah enjoyed himself here richly.
+
+He hardly could be torn away.
+
+And I took comfort, too, in the dairy, where the butter and cheese from
+the different States is shown off in handsome cases, and kep cool and
+fresh in dog-days. This wuz, I spoze, to test the merits of the
+different breeds of dairy cattle, and teach the very best methods of
+makin' butter and cheese.
+
+I took solid comfort here, and I also got some new and useful idees that
+I could disseminate to Miss Isham, and she that wuz Submit Tewksbury.
+
+As for Philury, I mean to give her lessons daily (she runs our dairy in
+my absence).
+
+In the annex of this buildin' wuz exhibits of all the Agricultural
+implements ever known or hearn on, from the first old rickety reaper up
+to the noble machine of to-day, that will cut the grain, and take out a
+string and tie it up in sheafs; and I guess if it wuz encouraged enough,
+it would take it to the mill and grind it--
+
+And the first old cotton-gin and mower up to the finished machines of
+to-day.
+
+Outside this buildin', directly on the lagoon, wuz exhibits of gates,
+fences, and all sorts of wind-mills, from the picteresque old Dutch
+mills up to the ones of eighteen hundred and ninety-three.
+
+And engines, portable and traction ones.
+
+I asked Josiah, "What he spozed a traction engine wuz," and he sez, "One
+that is tractable--easy to manage." Sez he, "Some on 'em, you know, is
+obstropolos."
+
+I don't know whether he got it right or not, but he seemed sure on't,
+and that is half the battle, so fur as makin' a show is concerned, in
+this world.
+
+Jined to this department is a Assembly Hall, on purpose for speakers and
+orators to disseminate the best and latest idees about agriculture.
+
+And, take it all in all, what a boon to Jonesville and the World the
+hull exhibit is!
+
+It wuz a sight!
+
+Wall, bein' pretty nigh to it--only a little walk acrost a tree-shaded
+green--I acceded to my pardner's request that I would go with him to the
+Stock Exhibit. He had been before, but I hadn't got round to it.
+
+It is sixty-three acres big, forty-four acres under ruff.
+
+Think of a house forty-four acres big!
+
+Wall, here we see every live animal that wuz ever seen, from a little
+trick pony to a elephant, and from a sheep to a camel--a dretful
+interestin' exhibit, but noisy.
+
+And all kinds of dogs, from a poodle to a mastiff.
+
+Why, there wuz one dog there that wuz worth three thousand and seven
+hundred dollars; it is the biggest dog in the world.
+
+But I told Josiah that I wouldn't gin a cent for it if I had got to have
+it round; it wuz so big that it wuz fairly skairful. Why it weighed
+about two hundred and fifty pounds.
+
+[Illustration: It wuz so big that it wuz fairly skairful.]
+
+It wuz a St. Bernard; but I told Josiah, "Santi or not, I wouldn't want
+to meet it alone in the back lane in the evenin'."
+
+It would skair a young child into fits to go through this department;
+some of them wild creeters look so ferocious, especially the painters,
+they made my blood fairly curdle.
+
+Wall, we stayed here for some time, or until my ear-pans seemed to be
+ruined for life. And then we had a little time on our hands, and Josiah
+proposed that we should go out on the water and take a short voyage to
+rest off. I gin a glad consent, and we sot off.
+
+Wall, after bein' on the water a little while, I begun to feel so much
+rested that I proposed that we should row round to the other end of the
+park, and pay attention to some of the State Buildin's.
+
+"For," sez I, "if the different countries should hear on't that I have
+been here all this while, without payin' 'em any attention, they will
+feel hurt." And sez I, "I had ruther give a cent than to have Great
+Britain feel hurt, and lots of the rest on 'em.
+
+"And then," sez I, "it hain't right to slight 'em, even if they never
+heard on't."
+
+"Oh, shaw!" sez Josiah, "I guess that they would git along if you didn't
+go at all; I guess that they hain't a-sufferin' for company this year."
+
+"But," sez I with dignity, "this is a fur different thing, and as fur as
+our own United States Buildin's are concerned, I feel bound to 'em,
+bein' such a intimate friend to their Father-in-law."
+
+"What do you mean?" sez Josiah.
+
+"Why, Uncle Sam," sez I--"U.S. Epluribus Unim."
+
+Agin he sez, "Oh, shaw!" But I held firm, and at my request the boat
+headed that way.
+
+And we landed as nigh 'em as we could.
+
+You see, all the United States, and most of the Foreign Countries, have
+a separate buildin', mostly gin up to social and friendly purposes,
+where natives of that State and country can go in and rest, and
+recooperate--see some of their friends, and so on, and so forth.
+
+Wall, we laid out to pay attention to a lot on 'em that day.
+
+But, as it turned out, we didn't go to but jest three on 'em, the
+reasons of which I will set down, and recapitulate.
+
+I felt that we _had_ to go to New York and Illinois. Loyalty and
+Politeness stood on both sides of us, a-leadin' us to the home of our
+own native State, and the folks we wuz a-visitin'; and we found New York
+a perfect palace, modelled after an Italian one. And the row of green
+plants a-standin' on the ruff all round made it look real uneek and
+dretful handsome. And inside it wuz fitted up as luxurious as any palace
+need to be, with a banquet hall eighty-four feet long and forty-six feet
+high; a glow of white, and gold, and red, and crystal.
+
+Yes, the hull house wuz pleasant and horsepitable, as become the
+dwellin' place of the Empire State.
+
+And Illinois! You might know what you'd expect to find inside, when you
+see what they had outside on't.
+
+That statute, "Hide and Seek," before the entrance, wuz, I do believe,
+the very best thing I see to the hull Fair--
+
+Five little children with merry, laughin' faces a-playin' at hide and
+seek in a broken gray old stump, and flowers, and vines, and mosses
+a-runnin' round it and over it as nateral as life.
+
+Wall, I stood before that beautiful object till Josiah had to draw me
+away from it almost by main force.
+
+But inside it come my time to draw him away.
+
+When we see that picter of the old farm made in seeds, he wuz as rooted
+to the spot as if he intended to remain sot out there, and grow up with
+the State.
+
+[Illustration: He wuz rooted to the spot.]
+
+And it wuz a dretful interestin' sight--the farm-house, the barns, the
+well, the old windmill, the long fields a-stretchin' back, and fenced
+off, with different crops on 'em, the good-lookin' men and wimmen, and
+the horses, with their glossy hides and silky manes and tails, and all
+made of different kinds of seeds and grasses. It wuz a sight to see the
+crowd that stood before that from mornin' till night, and you ask ten
+folks what impressed 'em the most at the Fair, and more'n half on 'em
+would most likely say that it wuz that seed picter in the Illinois
+Buildin'. Over one side on't wuz draped sunthin' that I took to be the
+very richest silk or velvet, all fringed out with a deep fringe on the
+end on't. But it wuz all made of grasses of different kinds--the idee!
+Fifteen young ladies of Illinois made that, and they done first-rate. I
+want 'em to know what I think on't, and what Josiah duz.
+
+Wall, inside the buildin' wuz full and runnin' over with beautiful
+objects--lovely picters, noble statuary, beautiful works of art and
+industry done by the sons and daughters of the State.
+
+It would take more'n a week to do any justice to it. Illinois done
+splendid. I want her to know how I appreciated it. She'll be glad to
+know how riz up I felt there.
+
+Wall, when we left there we had a little dialogue--not mad exactly, but
+earnest.
+
+I wanted to go and see Great Britain, and Josiah wanted to go to Vermont
+(he has got a third cousin a-livin' there, and he wanted to see him).
+"Wall," sez I, "we've got a mother to tend to; the Mother Country calls
+for a little filial attention."
+
+"Oh, shaw!" sez he; "I guess you feel more related than they do; and,"
+sez he, "I shall go to Vermont. Mebby I shall meet Bildad Allen right
+there in the settin'-room."
+
+So there it wuz--we wuz both determined. I see by my companion's mean
+that it wouldn't do to insist on Great Britain.
+
+But a woman hates to give in awful. So I suggested makin' a compromise
+on California.
+
+[Illustration: A woman hates to give in awful, so I suggested a
+compromise on California.]
+
+And he agreed to it. He, too, had seen a look of marble determination
+on my mean, and he dassent press the Vermont question too hard.
+
+So we directed our steps towards the California Buildin'. It is a exact
+reproduction of the old Monastery of San Diego, and one hundred thousand
+square feet is the size on't.
+
+It is full of the products of California. Sech fruit and flowers I never
+see, and don't expect to agin.
+
+The flowers wuz gorgeous, and perfectly beautiful, and I spoze, though I
+don't really want to twit 'em of it, yet I do spoze they brought every
+mite of fruit out of California for this occasion. I don't spoze there
+wuz a orange left there, or a grape, nor anything else in the line of
+fruit. Mebby there might a been one or two green oranges left, but I
+doubt it.
+
+And as for canned and dried fruit, I don't spoze there wuz a teacupful
+left in the hull State.
+
+Why, jest think of the dried prunes it must have took to make that horse
+that wuz rared up there seven feet from the floor!
+
+And wuzn't that horse a sight to see?--jest as nateral as though he wuz
+made of flesh instead of fruit.
+
+I hearn, but mebby it come from some of their own folks--but I hearn
+that California had the best exhibits of all kinds of any of the States.
+But I wouldn't want it told from me. I don't want to git thirty or
+forty States mad as a hen at me; the States are dretful touchy, anyway,
+in the matter of State Rights and pride.
+
+But the show wuz impressive--dretful.
+
+This house wuz built, I spoze, in honor of Spain, like a old Spanish
+Mission Buildin'; and up in the towers which rise up on the four corners
+are belfrys, in which are some of the old Spanish bells, that still ring
+out and call to prayers, when the good old Fathers that used to hear
+'em, and the Injun converts, generations and generations of 'em, have
+slept so sound that the bells can't wake 'em.
+
+And the bells still swing out over this restless and ambitious
+generation, and they will swing and echo jest the same when we too have
+gone to sleep, and sleep sound.
+
+Queer, hain't it, that a little dead lump of metal should outlive the
+beatin' human heart--the active, outreachin' human life, with its
+world-wide activities and Heaven-high aspiration?
+
+But so it is; generations and generations are born, live, and die, and
+the old bells, a-takin' life easy, jest swing on, and ring out jest as
+sweet and calm and kinder careless at our death as at our birth.
+
+The bells sounded dretful melancholy and heart achin' to me; that day
+they seemed to be soundin' a requiem clear from California to
+Jonesville for the good Man who had passed away.
+
+Jest as we went down the steps we hearn a bystander a-tellin' another
+one "that Leland Stanford wuz dead." And I wuz fearful rousted up about
+it; I felt like death to hear on't; and to think that I never had a
+chance to tell him what I thought on him. I was fearful agitated, and
+almost by the side of myself; but jest at that juncture--jest as I sez
+to Josiah, "I shouldn't felt so bad if I had had a chance to tell him
+what I thought on him, and encourage him in his noble doin's, and warn
+him in one or two things"--jest at that minit, sez Josiah, "I've lost my
+bandanny handkerchief;" and he told me, "To wait there for him, that he
+thought that he remembered where he had dropped it--back in a antick
+room in the back part of the house."
+
+And I thought more'n like as not that wuz the last I should see of him
+for hours and hours, the crowd wuz so immense and the search wuz so
+oncertain.
+
+But it wuz a good new handkerchief--red and yeller, with a palm-tree
+pattern on it--and I couldn't discourage him from huntin' for it.
+
+And jest as he turned to go back, he sez--
+
+"Why, if there hain't Deacon Rogers of Loontown!"
+
+And he advanced onto a good-lookin' man, who wuz a-standin' some
+distance off.
+
+My pardner put out his hand and stepped forward with a glad face till he
+got to within three feet of him, and then his gladness died out, and he
+looked meachin'.
+
+It wuzn't Rogers. And my pardner jest turned on his tracks, and
+disappeared round the buildin'. A bystander who wuz a-standin' by spoke
+up and sez:
+
+"That is Governor Markham, of California."
+
+"Why'ee!" sez I, "is that so?" and then the thought come to me that the
+pityin' Providence that had removed Senator Stanford from my
+encouragement, and warnin', had throwed this man in my way.
+
+I see in a minit what would be expected of me both by the nation and by
+my own Gardeen Angel of Duty.
+
+I must encourage him by tellin' him what I thought of the noble doin's
+of one of his folks, and I must warn him on a few things, and git him to
+turn round in his tracks.
+
+So I advanced, and accosted him.
+
+He was a-standin' out a little ways to one side a-lookin' up to the
+handsome front of the house, and I sez to him, in a voice nearly
+tremblin' with emotion--
+
+"I have wanted to tell you, Governor Markham, how I feel, and how Josiah
+feels."
+
+He turned round and looked kinder surprised, but good-natered, and I see
+then that he wuz a real good-lookin' man, and sez he--"Who is Josiah?"
+
+And I sez, "My own pardner. I am Josiah Allen's Wife."
+
+And as I sez this, bein' very polite, I kinder bowed my head, and he
+kinder bowed his head too. We appeared real well, both on us.
+
+And sez I, "We feel it dretful, the passin' away and expirin' of one of
+your folks."
+
+And sez he, "You allude to Senator Stanford?"
+
+And I sez, "Yes; when I think of that noble school of hisen that he has
+sot up there in your great State--the finest school in the world for
+poor boys and poor girls, as well as rich ones--when I think what that
+great educational power is a-goin' to do for the children of this great
+country, rich and poor, I think on him almost by the side of Christopher
+Columbus. For if Christopher discovered a new world, Senator Stanford
+wuz a-takin' the youth of this country into a new realm--a-sailin' 'em
+out into a new world, and a grander one than they'd any idee
+on--a-sailin' 'em out on the great ship of his magnificent Charity; and
+that Ship," sez I, in a kind of a tremblin' voice, "wuz wafted out at
+first on the sombre wings of a heart-breakin' sorrow; but they grew
+white," sez I--"they grew silver white as that great Ship sailed on and
+on.
+
+"And up through the cloudless blue overhead I believe an angel looks
+down smilin'ly and lovin'ly on what has been done, and what is a-doin'
+now--that youth whose tender heart, while he walked with man, wuz so
+tender and compassionate to the poor, and so wise to help 'em."
+
+The Governor showed plain in his good-lookin' face how deeply he felt
+what I said, and I hastened to add--
+
+"I wanted to thank him who is gone for this great and noble work; and as
+he has passed on beyend this world's praise, or blame, I want to tell
+you about it, seein' that you're at the head of the family.
+
+"I speak," sez I, "in the name of Jonesville!"
+
+"Whose name?" sez he.
+
+And I sez, "My own native land, Jonesville, nigh to Loontown, seven
+milds from Zoar."
+
+"Oh!" sez he.
+
+"Yes," sez I, "Jonesville wuz proud of his doin's, and she thinks a
+sight of California.
+
+"But in one thing she feels bad: she don't want California to make so
+much wine; she wishes you'd stop it.
+
+"She's proud of your fruit, your flowers, your big trees, and other
+products, but she wishes you'd stop makin' so much wine. Jonesville
+wouldn't care if you made a couple of quarts for sickness or jell, but
+she feels as if she couldn't bear to see you swing out and make so
+much." Sez I, "Jonesville and I want you to stop makin' it--we want you
+to like dogs."
+
+And then sez I, in still firmer axents, "It hain't a-settin' a good
+example to the schoolchildren in Palo Alto and the United States."
+
+He looked real downcasted and sad, some as if he'd never thought on't in
+that light before.
+
+He didn't really promise me, but I presoom to say that he won't never
+make another drop.
+
+But his face looked dretful deprested. I see that he felt it deeply to
+think I had found fault with him.
+
+But to resoom. Sez I--for here my gardeen angel hunched me hard and told
+me that here wuz a chance to do good--mebby the Governor could carry out
+the wishes of him that wuz gone--sez I, "Another great thing that
+Jonesville and I approve of wuz Senator Stanford's bill about lendin'
+money." Sez I, "There never wuz a better bill brought before America,
+and if Uncle Sam don't pass it, he hain't the old man I think he is.
+
+"For," sez I, "jest take the case of Jim Widrig alone; that would pay
+for the trouble of passin' it.
+
+"He has got a big farm of more'n two hundred acres, but the land is all
+run down--he can't raise nothin' on it hardly, it needs enrichin' so; he
+hain't no stock, and, as he often sez, 'If I should run in debt for 'em,
+we should soon be landed in the Poor-House.' He's got a wife and seven
+boys.
+
+"Wall, now if he could only borry 2000 dollars of Uncle Sam, and only
+pay forty dollars a year for it--why, they would be jest made.
+
+"They could put on twenty young cows on the place, two good horses, and
+go right on to success, for Jim is hard-workin', and Mahala Widrig is
+one of the best hard-workin' wimmen in the precincks of Jonesville, and
+I don't believe she has got a second dress to her back."
+
+The Governor murmured sunthin' about a engagement he had. He looked
+worried and anxious, but I and my Gardeen Angel hadn't no idee of
+lettin' him go while there wuz a chance for us to plead for the Right.
+
+And I hastened to say, "Uncle Sam needn't be 'fraid of lendin' money on
+that farm, for it is there solid, clear down to China; it can't run
+away."
+
+The Governor kinder moved off a little, as if meditatin' flight, and I
+spoke up some louder, bein' determined to do all I could for Mahala
+Widrig--good, honest, hard-workin' creeter.
+
+Sez I, "It will be the makin' of Jim Widrigses folks and more'n fifty
+others right there round Jonesville, to say nothin' about the hull of
+the United States; and it will be money in Uncle Sam's pocket, too, in
+the end, and he will own up to me that it is."
+
+The Governor here took out his watch and looked at it almost onbeknown
+to me, I wuz so took up a-talkin' for Justice and Mahala.
+
+[Illustration: The Governor took out his watch.]
+
+Sez I, "This bill will bring money into Uncle Samuel's pocket in the
+end, for it will keep the boys to hum on the old farm." Sez I, "It is
+Poverty that has driv the boys off--hard work, high taxes, and ruinous
+mortgages drives to the city lots of 'em, to add to the pauper and
+criminal classes--boys that Uncle Sam might have kep to hum by the means
+I speak of, to grow up into sober, respectable, prosperous citizens, a
+strength and a safeguard to the Republic, but whom he now will have to
+support in prisons and almshouses, a danger and menace to the Goverment.
+
+"Poor Uncle Sam!--poor, well-meanin', but oft misguided old creeter! It
+would be easier for him, if he only knew it, to do what Mr. Stanford
+wanted him to.
+
+"Besides, think of the masses of fosterin' crime he would be a-pressin'
+back and a-turnin' into good, pure influences to bless the world! And
+besides, the oncounted gain to Heaven and earth! Uncle Sam would git the
+two-cent mortgages back a dozen times in the increase of taxable
+property."
+
+The Governor murmured agin that he wuz wanted to once, in a distant part
+of the city--he must start for California imegatly, and on the next
+train. Sez he incoherently, "That school wuz about to open; he must be
+to the University to once."
+
+He wuz nearly delirious--I spoze he wuz nearly overcome by my remarkable
+eloquence, but don't know.
+
+But as he sot off, a-movin' backward in a polite way but swift, entirely
+onbeknown to him he come up aginst a big tree, and with a hopeless look
+of resignation he leaned up aginst it, while I, a-feelin' that
+Providence had interfered to give me another chance at him, advanced
+onwards, and sez to him in a real eloquent way, "That bill will do more
+than any amount of beggin', or jawin', or preachin', towards keepin' the
+boys to hum on the old deserted farms that are so thick in the country;
+and," sez I, "now that bill has fell out of his hands, I want you to
+take it up and pass it on to success."
+
+Sez I, "Let Uncle Sam and you go out, as I have, in the country byroads
+in Jonesville, and Loontown, and Zoar, and you'll both gin in that I'm
+a-tellin' the truth."
+
+Sez I, "If it hain't a pitiful sight in one short mornin's ride to go by
+more'n a dozen of them poor deserted old homes, as I have many a time,
+and I spoze they lay jest as thick scattered all over the State and
+country as they do round Jonesville."
+
+Sez I, "To see them old brown ruffs a-humpin' themselves up jest as
+lonesome-lookin' and cold--no smoke a-comin' out of the chimblys to
+cheer 'em up--to see the bare winders a-facin' the west, and no bright
+eyes a-lookin' out, nor curly locks for the sunlight to git tangled
+in--to see the poor old door-step a-settin' there alone, as if a-tellin'
+over its troubles to the front gate, and that a-creakin' back to it on
+lonesome nights or cold, fair mornin's--
+
+"And the old well-sweep a-pintin' up into the sky overhead, as if
+a-callin' Heaven to witness that it wuzn't to blame for the state of
+things--
+
+"And the apple trees, with low swingin' branches, with no bare brown
+feet to press on 'em on the way up to the robin's nest overhead--empty
+barns, ruins, weedy gardens, long, lonesome stretches of paster and
+medder lands--
+
+"Why, if Uncle Sam could look on sech sights, and have me right by him
+to tell him the reason on't--to tell him that two thousand dollars lent
+on easy interest would turn every one of them worthless, decayin' pieces
+of property into beautiful, flourishin', prosperous homes, he'd probable
+feel different about passin' the bill from what he duz now--
+
+[Illustration: "If Uncle Sam could have me right by him to tell him
+the reason."]
+
+"When I told him that most generally out behind the barn, and under the
+apple trees and gambrul ruff, wuz crouchin' the monster that had sapped
+the life out of the hum--the bloated, misshapen form of a mortgage at
+six per cent, and that old, insatiable monster had devoured and drinked
+down every cent of the earnin's that the hull family could bring to
+appease it with--
+
+"It would open its snappin' old jaws and swaller 'em all down, and then
+set down refreshed but unappeased to wait for the next earnin's to be
+brung him.
+
+"Wall, now, if they could pay off that mortgage, and git rid of it, they
+could walk over its prostrate form into prosperity; they could afford to
+lighten up the bare poverty of a country farm, so repellin' to the
+young, with some touches of brightness. Books, music, good horses,
+carriages would preach louder lessons of content to the children than
+any they would hear from their pa's or ma's or ministers.
+
+"They would love their hums--would make them yield, instead of ruin and
+depressin' influences, a good income to themselves, and good tax-payin'
+property to help Uncle Sam--
+
+"Decrease vice, increase virtue--lead away from prisons and almshousen,
+lead toward meetin'-housen, and the halls of justice, mebby. For in the
+highest places of trust and honor in the United States to-day is to be
+found the sons and daughters of country homes."
+
+Here, at jest this juncture, my umbrell fell out of my hand, and it
+brung my eyes down to earth agin; for some time, entirely onbeknown to
+me, I had been a-lookin' up into the encirclin' heavens, and a-soarin'
+round there in oratory.
+
+But as my eyes fell onto the Governor, I noticed the extreme weariness
+and mute agony on his liniment; he picked up my umbrell and handed it to
+me, and sez he, a-speakin' fast and agitated, as if in fear of sunthin'
+or ruther:--
+
+"Your remarks are truly eloquent, and I believe every word on 'em; but,"
+sez he, "I have an engagement of nearly life and death; I must leave
+you," and he sot off nearly on a run.
+
+And I spread my umbrell and walked off with composure and dignity to
+tackle the next buildin', which wuz Oregon.
+
+But my pardner jined me at that minit with his handkerchief held
+triumphantly in his hand.
+
+And at his earnest request we didn't examine clost any of the State
+buildin's--that is, we didn't go in and look 'em over; but, from the
+outside view, we had a high opinion on 'em.
+
+They wuz beautiful and extremely gorgeous, some on 'em.
+
+And they looked real good, too, and wuz comfortable inside, I hain't a
+doubt on't.
+
+I felt bad not to pay attention to every State jest as they come, and I
+know that they'll feel it if they ever hear on't.
+
+But, as Josiah said, there wuz so many to pay attention to 'em, that
+they wouldn't mind so much as if they wuz more alone and lonely.
+
+Wall, Josiah felt as if he'd got to have a bite of sunthin' to eat, and
+so we sot off at a pretty good jog for the nearest restaurant, and there
+we got a good lunch, and after we had done eatin', and Josiah wuz in a
+real good frame of mind, to all human appearance, I sez, "I'm a-goin' to
+see Hatye, if I don't see nothin' else."
+
+And Josiah sez, "Where is Hatye?"
+
+And I sez, "Not but a little ways from the German Buildin'."
+
+And sez he, "Who is Hatye, anyway?"
+
+And I sez, "Hatye is one of the first islands that Columbus discovered,
+and it ort to take a front rank in his doin's, and for lots of other
+reasons, too," sez I. "It is there that we see the exhibit of our
+colored men and bretheren."
+
+We found Hatye a good-lookin' buildin', a story and a half high, with a
+good-lookin' dome a-risin' out of the centre.
+
+And inside on't we found exhibits in fruit, grain, and machinery, and
+all sorts of products, and in the picters and other works of art we see
+that the Hatyeans wuz a-doin' first rate.
+
+And, as I remarked to Josiah, sez I, "If Christopher Columbus stood
+right here by my side, he'd say--
+
+"'Josiah Allen's wife, Hatye has done real well, and I am glad that I
+discovered it.'"
+
+[Illustration: "Josiah Allen's wife, Hatye has done real well, and I
+am glad that I discovered it."]
+
+Wall, that night, when I got back to Miss Plankses, I found a letter
+from Tirzah Ann, and my worst apprehensions I had apprehended in her
+case wuz realized.
+
+She and Whitfield wuzn't a-comin' to the Fair at all.
+
+By the time she got her oyster-shell stockin's done, the weather had
+moderated, so it wuz too cool to wear 'em, and it was too late then to
+begin woosted ones (of course, she could buy stockin's, but she wuz sot
+on havin' hand-made ones, bein' so much nicer, and so much more liable
+to attract respect and admiration)--
+
+And then by that time the weather wuz so variable that she didn't know
+whether to take summer clothes or winter ones, and so she dallied along
+till it got so late that Whitfield didn't dast to take her out at all,
+she wuz so kinder mauger.
+
+She had wore herself all out a-bonin' down and knittin' them stockin's,
+and embroiderin' them night-shirts, and preparin' for the Fair, so they
+gin up comin'.
+
+I felt bad.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXI.
+
+
+Wall, it wuz all settled as I wanted it to be. Them two angels, as I
+couldn't hardly keep callin' 'em, if one of 'em wuz a he angel--them two
+lovely good creeters wuz married right in the place where I wanted 'em
+to be married--right in our parlor, in front of the picter of Grant, and
+not fur back of the hangin' lamp, but fur enough back so's to allow of a
+lovely bell of white roses and lilies to swing over their heads.
+
+The bell wuz made of the white roses, and a fair white lily hung down,
+a-swingin' its noiseless music out into the hearts below--sacred music
+which we all seemed to hear in our inmost hearts as we looked into the
+faces that stood under that magic bell.
+
+Isabelle had on a white muslin gown, plain, but shear and fine, and she
+wore a bunch of white roses at her belt and at her white throat, and she
+carried in her hand a bunch of rare ones.
+
+But it all corresponded, for she wuz the white lily herself, as tall,
+and fair, and queenly.
+
+Only when the words wuz said that made her Tom's wife, her cheeks
+flushed up as no white lily ever did, even under the sun's rosiest rays.
+
+But a sun wuz a-shinin' on her that went beyend any earthly sun--it wuz
+the rays of the great planet Love that illuminated her face, and lit up
+her glorified eyes with the light that wuz never on sea nor on shore.
+
+Her husband looked right into her face all the while the Elder wuz
+a-unitin' 'em, a-lookin' at her as if he could not quite believe in his
+happiness yet--looked at her as one looks at a pearl of great price,
+when he has recovered it after a long loss.
+
+I sez to Josiah, as I see that look on his face--
+
+"Many waters may not quench it, Josiah Allen, nor floods drown it, can
+they?"
+
+And he brung me back to the present by remarkin'--
+
+"I wouldn't bring up drowndins and conflagrations at such a time as
+this, Samantha."
+
+And I sithed and sez to myself, what I have said so many times to she
+that wuz Samantha Smith, in strict confidence--
+
+"How different, how different Josiah Allen and I look at things! And
+still we worship each other, jest about."
+
+Wall, Thomas Jefferson and Maggie wuz there, and Tirzah Ann and
+Whitfield, and the children, and Krit. The two girls, our daughters,
+wuz dressed in white, and the Babe stood up by the bride dressed in
+white, and holdin' a cunnin' little basket of posies in her hand, and
+they all looked pretty, and felt pretty, and acted so.
+
+We had good refreshments to refresh ourselves with, and everything went
+off happy and joyous, as weddings should, and will, if True Love stands
+up with 'em; and she is the only Bridesmaid worth a cent.
+
+(I am aware that it is usual to call Love a he, but I believe in fair
+play, and you may as well call it a she once in a while, specially as
+the female sect are as lovin' agin as the he ones, so I think.)
+
+Wall, they had lots and lots of presents--nice ones too. Mr. Freeman's
+gift to her wuz two diamond and ruby bracelets, that shone on her white
+wrists like sparks of fire and dew.
+
+Them diamonds seemed to be the mates of the ones that had burned on her
+finger ever sence a day or two after they met at the World's Fair.
+
+So you see, though she gin her jewels away in her youth, she found 'em
+agin in her ripe, sweet womanhood. She gin away the jewels of her
+ambition, her glowin' hopes and desires, for a career, and she found 'em
+more than all made up to her.
+
+But the jewels her husband prized most in her wuz the calm light of
+patience, and love, and womanliness that shone on her face. They wuz
+made, them pure pearls of hern, as pearls always are, by long sufferin'
+and endurance, and the "constant anguish of patience."
+
+Krit give her for his gift a beautiful cross of precious stones, and I
+mistrusted, from what I see in her face when he gin it to her, that he
+meant it to be symbolical, and then agin I don't know. But, anyway, she
+wore it a-fastenin' the lace at her white throat.
+
+[Illustration: Krit give her a beautiful cross.]
+
+But I do know that the girls and I gin her some good linen napkins, and
+towels, and table-cloths, and the boys a handsome set of books.
+
+And I do know that the supper afterwards wuz, although well I know the
+impoliteness of my even hintin' at it--I do know, and I should lie if I
+said that I didn't know it, that that supper wuz a good one--as good a
+one, so fur as my knowledge goes, as wuz ever put on a table in the
+town of Lyme, or the village of Jonesville.
+
+And Josiah Allen, he eat too much--fur, fur too much. And I hunched him
+three times to that effect at the time, to no avail.
+
+And once I stepped on his toe--a dretful warnin' steppin'--and he asked
+me out loud and snappish (I hit a corn, I spoze, onbeknown to me)--and
+he asked me right out before 'em all, voyalent, "What I wuz a-steppin'
+on his toe for?"
+
+[Illustration: I stepped on his toe.]
+
+And so, of course, that curbed me in, and I had to let him go on, and
+cut a full swath in the vittles. But it wuz some comfort for me to think
+that most likely he wouldn't be tempted by a weddin' supper agin--not
+for some time, anyway. For the Babe wuz but young yet, and we wuz
+gettin' along.
+
+Yes, that hull weddin' went off perfectly beautiful, and there wuzn't
+but one drawback to my happiness on that golden day that united them two
+happy lovers.
+
+Yes, onbeknown to me a feelin' of sadness come over me--sadness and
+regret.
+
+It wuzn't any worriment and concern about the fate of Isabelle and her
+husband--no; True Love wuz a-goin' out with 'em on their weddin'
+tower, and I knew if he went ahead of 'em, and they wuz a-walkin' in the
+light of his torch, their way wuz a-goin' to be a radiant and a
+satisfyin' one, whether it led up hill or down or over the deep
+waters--yea, even over the swellin' of Jordan.
+
+No, it wuzn't that, nor anything relatin' to the children, or my dress,
+or anything--
+
+No, my dress--a new lilock gray alpaca--sot out noble round my form, and
+my new head-dress wuz foamin' lookin', but it didn't foam too much.
+
+No, it wuzn't that, nor anything about the neighbors--no; they looked
+some envious at our noble doin's, and walked by the house considerable,
+and the wimmen made errents, and borrowed more tea and sugar, durin' the
+preparations, than it seemed as if they could use in two years; but I
+pitied 'em, and forgive 'em--
+
+And it wuzn't anything about the children or Krit.
+
+For the children wuz happy in their happy and prosperous hums, and Krit,
+they say--I don't tell it for certain--but they say that he come back
+engaged to a sweet young girl of Chicago--
+
+Come back from the great New World of the World's Fair, as his
+illustrious namesake went home so long ago, in chains--
+
+Only Krit's chains wuz wrought of linked love and blessedness instead of
+iron--so they say.
+
+I've seen her picter; but good land! how can I tell who or what it is?
+It is pretty as a doll, and Krit seems to think his eyes on it; but he's
+so full of fun, I can't git any straight story out of him.
+
+But Thomas Jefferson says she is a bonny fidy girl--a good one and a
+pretty one, and has got a father dretful well off; and he sez that she
+and Krit are engaged. So I spoze more'n like as not they be.
+
+And I also learnt, through a letter received that very day, that Mr.
+Bolster has led Miss Plank to the altar, or she has led him--it don't
+make much difference. Anyway, she has walked offen the Plank of
+widowhood, and settled down onto a Bolster for life.
+
+[Illustration: Mr. Bolster led Miss Plank to the altar.]
+
+I wuz glad on't. She wanted a companion, and he loves to converse,
+Heaven knows; and he is sure of one thing--he's almost certain, or as
+certain as we can be of anything in this life, that he will have the
+best pancakes that hands can make or spoons stir up.
+
+I learnt also from her letter--Miss Bolster's, knee Plankses--that Nony
+Piddock wuz a-goin into the ministery. What a case for funerals he will
+be, and shockin' casualities! But he won't be good for much on a weddin'
+occasion.
+
+And speakin' of weddin's brings me back to my subject agin.
+
+No, it wuzn't any of these things that cast that mournful shadder on my
+eyebrows, anon, and even oftener, when I wuz out by myself--
+
+And I spoze that I might as well tell what it wuz that I regretted and
+missed--
+
+It wuz Christopher Columbus! the Brave Admiral! good, noble creeter!
+
+I felt, in view of all he had done for America and the world, it wuz too
+bad that he had to die without havin' the privilege of seein'
+Jonesville, and bein' with us that day, and seein' what we see, and
+hearin' what we heard, and eatin' what we eat--
+
+It wuz his doin's, the hull on't wuz Christopher Columbuses doin's. For
+if he hadn't discovered America, why, he wouldn't had no World's Fair
+for him. And then it stands to reason that Josiah and I shouldn't have
+gone to it. And if we hadn't gone to Miss Plankses, Mr. Freeman and
+Isabelle wouldn't have met.
+
+Yes, I felt to lay the praise of it all to that blessed old mariner--I
+felt that I hadn't done nothin' towards it to what he had. And I kep on
+a-sayin' to myself--
+
+"Oh, if he could only have been here, and seen with his own eyes what he
+had done!"
+
+And when I thought how he walked hungry through the streets of Genoa,
+oh, how I did wish he could have had some of my scolloped oysters, and
+pressed chickens, and jell-cake, and tarts, and my heartfelt pity and
+sympathy, to say nothin' of other vittles, and well-meanin' actions
+accordin'.
+
+[Illustration: How I did wish he could have had some of my scolloped
+oysters, and jell-cake, and tarts.]
+
+Of course, I would have been pleased to have had Queen Isabelle and
+Ferdinand there--
+
+There wuz cake enough, and ice-cream, and oysters, and everything. And
+everybody that knows me knows that I hain't one to begrech havin' one or
+two more visitors to wait on and provide for than I had planned havin'.
+
+Yes, I should have been glad to seen 'em, and wait on 'em. But I didn't
+seem to care anything about seein' 'em, compared to my feelin's about
+Christopher Columbus.
+
+Yes, Christopher wuz my theme, and my constant burden of mind.
+
+But I had to gin it up. I couldn't expect a man to live four or five
+hundred years jest to please me, and gratify Jonesville.
+
+No, Columbus wuzn't there. He wuz off somewhere a-discoverin' new
+continents, or planets, mebby.
+
+For I don't believe he crumpled right down, and sot down forever on them
+golden streets.
+
+No; I believe the eager, active mind would be a-reachin' out, a-findin'
+out new truths, new discoveries, so great that it would probable make us
+shet our eyes before the blindin' glory of 'em, if we could only git a
+glimpse of 'em.
+
+But there, in that New World that lays beyend the sunset, he is happy at
+last--blest in the companionship of other true prophetic ones, whose
+deepest strivin's wuz, like his, to make the world better and
+wiser--them who longed for deeper, fuller understandin', and who walked
+the narrer streets of earth, like him, in chains and soul-hunger.
+
+I love to think that now, onhampered by mutinous foes, or mortal
+weakness, they are a-sailin' out on that broad sea of full knowledge,
+and comprehension, and divine sympathy. Lit by the sunshine of infinite
+love, they sail on, and on, and on.
+
+
+THE END.
+
+
+
+
+Other Works by Joshiah Allen's Wife.
+
+
+POEMS.
+
+A Charming Volume of Poetry. Beautifully Illustrated by W. Hamilton
+Gibson and other Artists. Bound in Colors. Square 12mo, 216 pp.
+Cloth, $2.00.
+
+        "Will win for her a title to an honorable place among American
+        poets."--_Chicago Standard._
+
+        "Miss Holley has here more than sustained her previous high
+        literary reputation."--_Interior, Chicago._
+
+
+SAMANTHA AMONG THE BRETHREN.
+
+By "Josiah Allen's Wife." Illustrated. Square 12mo, 452 pp.
+Cloth, $2.50.
+
+        "It is irresistibly humorous and true."--_Bishop John P.
+        Newman._
+
+        "It is as full of meat as an egg.... Calculated to do immense
+        good in that department of woman's rights which relates to her
+        participation in the great work of the Church of Christ, _beyond
+        the scrubbing and papering of the meeting-house_."--_Ex-Judge
+        Noah Davis._
+
+        "It abounds in mingled humor, pathos and inexorable common
+        sense."--_Will Carleton._
+
+        "It is exceedingly entertaining."--_New York Observer._
+
+
+SWEET CICELY;
+
+Or, Josiah Allen as a Politician. A Fascinating Story. Square 12mo, 390
+pp. Cloth, $2.00.
+
+        "The interest of the book is intense.... Never was such a
+        defender of woman's rights, never was such an exponent of
+        woman's wrongs! In Samantha's pithy, pointed, scornful
+        utterances we have in very truth the expression of feelings
+        common to most thoughtful women, well understood among them, but
+        rarely finding voice except in confidential intercourses and for
+        sympathetic ears. Other women besides poor Cicely, and
+        warm-hearted, clear-headed Samantha, and 'humble' Dorlesky eat
+        their hearts out over the injustice of laws that they have no
+        hand in making, and can have no hand in altering, though ruin
+        and agony are their result.... It would be impossible to find in
+        literature anything more pitiful than this story of the struggle
+        of a gentle-natured woman against the dangers which surround her
+        child, and her agony as she realizes her helplessness to avert
+        evil from her fellow-sufferers. If it were not for the strong
+        vein of humor which lightens up the darkest passages, the
+        interest would be too painful. But Samantha intervenes with her
+        quaint epigrams and keen-witted analysis, and lo, a smile
+        broadens before the tear has dried!... Alongside of the fun are
+        genuine eloquence and profound pathos; we scarcely know which is
+        the more delightful."--_The Literary World, London, Eng._
+
+FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY
+PUBLISHERS
+LONDON    NEW YORK    TORONTO
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's Samantha at the World's Fair, by Marietta Holley
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+      The Project Gutenberg eBook of Samantha at the World's Fair, by Josiah Allen's Wife (Marietta Holley)
+    </title>
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+<pre>
+
+Project Gutenberg's Samantha at the World's Fair, by Marietta Holley
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Samantha at the World's Fair
+
+Author: Marietta Holley
+
+Illustrator: Baron C. De Grimm
+
+Release Date: April 1, 2006 [EBook #18091]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SAMANTHA AT THE WORLD'S FAIR ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Suzanne Lybarger, Paul Ereaut and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
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+</pre>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 531px;">
+<img src="images/cover_and_spine.jpg" width="531" height="600"
+alt="Cover and spine" title="Cover and spine" />
+</div>
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus001.png" width="500" height="722"
+alt="We wuz overwhelmed with the onspeakable aspect of the buildin&#39;s&mdash;See page 226."
+title="We wuz overwhelmed with the onspeakable aspect of the buildin&#39;s&mdash;See page 226." />
+<span class="caption">"The minute we passed the gate we wuz overwhelmed with the onspeakable aspect of the buildin's--See page 226."</span>
+</div>
+
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h1>SAMANTHA AT THE WORLD'S FAIR<br /><br /><br /></h1>
+
+
+<h3>BY</h3>
+
+<h2>JOSIAH ALLEN'S WIFE</h2>
+
+<h4>(MARIETTA HOLLEY)<br /><br /><br /></h4>
+
+<h3><i>ILLUSTRATED</i></h3>
+<h3>BY</h3>
+<h2>BARON C. DE GRIMM<br /><br /><br /></h2>
+
+
+<h3><i>PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES</i><br /><br /></h3>
+
+<h2><b>New-York</b></h2>
+<h2>FUNK &amp; WAGNALLS COMPANY</h2>
+<h2><span class="smcap">London and Toronto</span></h2>
+<h2>1893<br /><br /></h2>
+
+<h4>Copyright, 1893, by the</h4>
+<h2>FUNK &amp; WAGNALLS COMPANY.</h2>
+
+<h4>[Registered at Stationer's Hall, London, England.]<br /><br /></h4>
+
+
+
+<h4>TO</h4>
+
+<h2><b>Columbia&mdash;</b></h2>
+
+<h3>WHO HAS JEST SAILED OUT AND DISCOVERED
+WOMAN. AND TO THE SECT DISCOVERED&mdash;</h3>
+
+<h3><i>THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED</i>.</h3>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>PREFACE.</h2>
+
+<p>It wuz a beautiful evenin' in Jonesville, and the World. The Earth wuz
+a-settin' peaceful and serene under the glowin' light of a full moon and
+some stars, and I sot jest as peaceful and calm under the meller light
+of our hangin' lamp and the blue radiance of my companion's two orbs.</p>
+
+<p>Two arm-chairs covered with handsome buff copper-plate wuz drawed up on
+each side of the round table, that had a cheerful spread on't, and a
+basket of meller apples and pears.</p>
+
+<p>Dick Swiveller, our big striped pussy-cat (Thomas J. named him), lay
+stretched out in luxurious ease on his cushion, a-watchin' with
+dignified indulgence the gambollin' of our little pup dog. He is young
+yet, and Dick looked lenient on the innocent caperin's of youth.</p>
+
+<p>Dick is very wise.</p>
+
+<p>The firelight sparkled on the clean hearth, the lamplight gleamed down
+onto my needles as I sot peaceful a-seamin' two and two, and the same
+radiance rested lovin'ly on the shinin' bald head of my<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_viii" id="Page_viii">[Pg viii]</a></span> pardner as he
+sot a-readin' his favorite production, the <i>World</i>.</p>
+
+<p>All wuz relapsted into silence, all wuz peace, till all to once my
+pardner dropped his paper, and sez he&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Samantha, why not write a book on't?"</p>
+
+<p>It started me, comin' so onexpected onto me, and specially sence he wuz
+always so sot aginst my swingin' out in Literatoor.</p>
+
+<p>I dropped two or three stitches in my inward agitation, but
+instinctively I catched holt of my dignity, and kep calm on the outside.</p>
+
+<p>And sez I, "Write a book on what, Josiah Allen?"</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, about the World's Fair!" sez he.</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, with a deep sithe, "I had thought on't, but I'd kinder
+dreaded the job."</p>
+
+<p>And he went on: "You know," sez he, "that We wrote one about the other
+big Fair, and if We don't do as well by this one it'll make trouble,"
+sez he.</p>
+
+<p>"We!" sez I in my own mind, and in witherin' axents, but I kep calm on
+the outside, and he went on&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Our book," sez he, "that We wrote on the other big Fair in Filadelfy, I
+spoze wuz thought as much on and wuz as popular for family readin' as
+ever a President's message wuz; and after payin' at<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_ix" id="Page_ix">[Pg ix]</a></span>tention to that as
+We did, We hadn't ort to slight this one. We can't afford to," sez he.</p>
+
+<p>"Can't afford to?" sez I dreamily.</p>
+
+<p>"No; We can't afford to," sez he, "and keep Our present popularity. Now,
+there's every chance, so fur as I can see, for me to be elected
+Path-Master, and the high position of Salesman of the Jonesville Cheese
+Factory has been as good as offered to me agin this year. It is because
+We are popular," sez he, "that I have these positions of trust and honor
+held out to me. We have wrote books that have <i>took</i>, Samantha. Now,
+what would be the result if We should slight Columbus and turn Our backs
+onto America in this crisis of her history? It would be simply ruinous
+to Our reputation and my official aspirations. Everybody would be mad,
+and kick, from the President down. More'n as likely as not I should
+never hold another office in Jonesville. Cheese would be sold right over
+my head by I know not who. I should be ordered out to work on the road
+like a dog by Ury jest as like as not. I've been a-settin' here and
+turnin' it over in my mind; and though, as you say, I hain't always
+favored the idee of writin', still at the present time I believe We'd
+better write the book. There's ink in the house, hain't there?" sez he
+anxiously.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez I.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_x" id="Page_x">[Pg x]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"And paper?" sez he.</p>
+
+<p>Agin I sez, "Yes."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall, then, when there's ink and paper, what's to hender Our writin'
+it?"</p>
+
+<p>"Our!" "We!" Agin them words entered my soul like lead arrows and
+gaulded me, but agin I looked up, and the clear light of affection that
+shone from my pardner's eyes melted them arrows, and I suffered and wuz
+calm. But anon I sez&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Don't great emotions rise up in your soul, Josiah Allen, when you think
+of Columbus and the World's work? Don't the mighty waves of the past and
+the future dash up aginst your heart when you think of Christopher, and
+what he found, and what is behind this nation, and what is in front of
+it, a-bagonin' it onwards?"</p>
+
+<p>"No," sez he calmly; "I look at it with the eye of a business man, and
+with that eye," sez he, "I say less write the book."</p>
+
+<p>He ceased his remarks, and agin silence rained in the room.</p>
+
+<p>But to me the silence wuz filled with voices that he couldn't
+hear&mdash;deep, prophetic voices that shook my soul. Eyes whose light the
+dust fell on four hundred years ago shone agin on me in that quiet room
+in Jonesville, and hanted me. Heroic hands that wuz clay centuries ago
+bagoned to me to foller<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xi" id="Page_xi">[Pg xi]</a></span> 'em where they led me. And so on down through
+the centuries the viewless hosts passed before me and gin me the silent
+countersign to let me pass into their ranks and jine the army. And then,
+away out into the future, the Shadow Host defiled&mdash;fur off, fur
+off&mdash;into the age of Freedom, and Justice, and Perfect rights for man
+and woman, Love, Joy, Peace.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah didn't see none of these performances.</p>
+
+<p>No; two pardners may set side by side, and yet worlds lay between 'em.
+He wuz agin immersed in his ambitious reveries.</p>
+
+<p>I didn't tell him the heft or the size of my emotions as I mentally
+tackled the job he proposed to me&mdash;there wuzn't no use on't. I only sez,
+as I looked up at him over my specs&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Josiah, We will write the book."</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[Pg 1]</a></span></p>
+<h2>SAMANTHA AT THE WORLD'S FAIR.</h2>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_I" id="CHAPTER_I"></a>CHAPTER I.</h2>
+
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 100px;">
+<img src="images/illus012.png" width="100" height="116"
+alt="Drop Capital C" title="Drop Capital C" />
+</div>
+
+<p>hristopher Columbus has always been a object of extreme interest and
+admiration to me ever sence I first read about him in my old Olney's
+Gography, up to the time when I hearn he wuz a-goin' to be celebrated in
+Chicago.</p>
+
+<p>I always looked up to Christopher, I always admired him, and in a modest
+and meetin'-house sense, I will say boldly and with no fear of Josiah
+before my eyes that I loved him.</p>
+
+<p>Havin' such feelin's for Christopher Columbus, as I had, and havin' such
+feelin's for New Discoverers, do you spoze I wuz a-goin' to have a
+celebration gin for him, and also for us as bein' discovered by him,
+without attendin' to it?</p>
+
+<p>No, indeed! I made calculations ahead from<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[Pg 2]</a></span> the very first minute it wuz
+spoke on, to attend to it.</p>
+
+<p>And feelin' as I did&mdash;all wrought up on the subject of Christopher
+Columbus&mdash;it wuz a coincerdence singular enough to skair anybody almost
+to death&mdash;to think that right on the very day Christopher discovered
+America, and us (only 400 years later), and on the very day that I
+commenced the fine shirt that Josiah wuz a-goin' to wear to Chicago to
+celebrate him in&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>That very Friday, if you'll believe me, Christopher Columbus walked
+right into our kitchen at Jonesville&mdash;and discovered me.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 335px;">
+<img src="images/illus014.png" width="335" height="500"
+alt="If you&#39;ll believe me, Christopher Columbus Allen walked right into our kitchen."
+title="If you&#39;ll believe me, Christopher Columbus Allen walked right into our kitchen." />
+<span class="caption">If you'll believe me, Christopher Columbus Allen walked right into our kitchen--and discovered me.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Yes, Christopher Columbus Allen, a relative I never had seen, come to
+Jonesville and our house on his way to the World's Fair.</p>
+
+<p>Jest to think on't&mdash;Christopher Columbus Allen, who had passed his hull
+life up in Maine, and then descended down onto us at such a time as
+this, when all the relations in Jonesville wuz jest riz up about the
+doin's of that great namesake of hisen&mdash;And the gussets wuz even then
+a-bein' cut out and sewed on to the shirt that wuz a-goin' to encompass
+Josiah Allen about as he went to Chicago to celebrate him&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>That then, on that Friday, <span class="smcap">P.M.</span>, about the time of day that
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</a></span>
+the Injuns wuz a-kneelin' to the first Christopher, to think that Josiah
+Allen should walk in the new Columbus into our kitchen&mdash;why, I don't
+spoze a more singular and coincidin' circumstance ever happened before
+durin' the hull course of time.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</a></span></p>
+<p>The only incident that mellered it down any and made it a little less
+miracalous wuz the fact that he never had been called by his full name.</p>
+
+<p>He always has been, is now, and I spoze always will be called Krit&mdash;Krit
+Allen.</p>
+
+<p>But still it wuz&mdash;in spite of this mellerin' and amelioratin'
+circumstance&mdash;strikin' and skairful enough to fill me with or.</p>
+
+<p>He wuz a double and twisted relation, as you may say, bein' related to
+us on both our own sides, Josiah's and mine.</p>
+
+<p>But I had never sot eyes on him till that day, though I well remember
+visitin' his parents, who lived then in the outskirts of Loontown&mdash;good
+respectable Methodist Epospical people&mdash;and runners of a cheese factory
+at that time.</p>
+
+<p>Tryphenia Smith, relation on my side, married to Ezra Allen, relation on
+Josiah's side.</p>
+
+<p>I remember that I went there on a visit with my mother at a very early
+period of my existence. I hadn't existed at that time more'n nine years,
+if I<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</a></span> had that. We staid there on a stiddy stretch for a week; that wuz
+jest before they moved up to Maine.</p>
+
+<p>Uncle Ezra had a splendid chance offered him there, and he fell in with
+it.</p>
+
+<p>She wuz a dretful good creeter, Aunt Tryphenia wuz, and greatly beloved
+by the relations on his side, as well as hern.</p>
+
+<p>Though, as is nateral with relations, she had to be run by 'em more or
+less, and found fault with. Some thought her nose wuz too long. Some on
+'em thought she wuz too religious, and some on 'em thought she wuzn't
+religious enough. Some on 'em thought she wuzn't sot enough on the
+creeds, and some thought she wuz too rigid.</p>
+
+<p>But, howsumever, pretty nigh all the Allens and Smiths jest doted on
+her.</p>
+
+<p>There wuz one incident that jest impressed itself on my memory in
+connection with that visit, and I don't spoze I shall ever forgit it; it
+stands to reason that I should before now, if I ever wuz a-goin' to.</p>
+
+<p>It took place at family prayers, which they held regular at Uncle
+Ezra's.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz right in the hite of sugarin'. They had more'n two hundred maple
+trees, and they had tapped 'em all, and they had run free, and they had
+to sugar off every day, and sometimes twice a day.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>That mornin' they had a big kettle of maple syrup over the stove, and
+Uncle Ezra and Aunt Tryphenia and mother wuz all a-kneelin' down pretty
+nigh to the stove. It wuz a cold mornin', and I wuz a-settin' with my
+little legs a-hangin' off the chair a-watchin' things, not at that age
+bein' particular interested in religion.</p>
+
+<p>Uncle Ezra made a long prayer, a tegus one, it seemed to me; it wuz so
+long that the kettle of sugar had het up fearful, and I see with deep
+anxiety that it wuz a-mountin' up most to the top of the kettle.</p>
+
+<p>Of course I dassent move to open the stove door, or stir it down, or
+anything&mdash;no, I dassent make a move of any kind or a mite of noise in
+prayer time. So I sot demute, but in deep anxiety, a-watchin' it sizzle
+up higher and higher and then down agin, as is the way of syrup, but
+each time a sizzlin' up a little higher.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, finally Uncle Ezra got through with his prayer, and dear good Aunt
+Tryphenia begun hern. She spoke dretful kinder moderate, but religious
+and good as anything could be.</p>
+
+<p>I well remember what it wuz she wuz sayin'&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"O Lord, let us be tried as by fire and not be mov&eacute;d"&mdash;I remember she
+said mov&eacute;d instead of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span> moved, which wuz impressive to me, never havin'
+hearn it pronounced that way before.</p>
+
+<p>And jest as she said this over went the sugar onto the stove, and Aunt
+Tryphenia and Uncle Ezra jest jumped right up and went and lifted the
+kettle offen the stove.</p>
+
+<p>I remember well how kinder bewildered and curious mother looked when she
+opened her eyes and see that the prayer wuz broke right short off. Aunt
+Tryphenia looked meachin', and Uncle Ezra put his hat right on and went
+out to the barn.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz dretful embarrissin' to him and Aunt Tryphenia. But then I don't
+know as they could have helped it.</p>
+
+<p>I remember hearin' Father and Mother arguin' about it. Father thought
+she done right, but Mother wuz kinder of the opinion that she ort to
+have run the prayer right on and let the sugar spile if necessary.</p>
+
+<p>But I remember Father's arguin' that he didn't believe her prayer would
+have been very lucid or fervent, with all that batch of sugar a-sizzlin'
+and a-burnin' right by the side of her.</p>
+
+<p>I remember that he said that a prayer wouldn't be apt to ascend much
+higher than where one's hopes and thoughts wuz, and he didn't believe it
+would go<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span> up much higher than that kettle. (The stove wuz the common
+height, not over four feet.)</p>
+
+<p>But Mother held to her own opinion, and so did a good many of the
+relations, mostly females. It wuz talked over quite a good deal amongst
+the Smiths. The wimmen all blamed Tryphenia more or less. The men mostly
+approved of savin' the sugar.</p>
+
+<p>But good land! how I am eppisodin', and to resoom and go on.</p>
+
+<p>As I say, it wuz jest after this that Uncle Ezra's folks moved up to
+Maine, Christopher Columbus bein' still onborn for years and years.</p>
+
+<p>But bein' born in due time, or ruther as I may say out of due time, for
+Uncle Ezra and Aunt Tryphenia had been married over twenty years before
+they had a child, and then they branched out and had two, and then
+stopped&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>But bein' born at last and growin' up to be a good-lookin' young man and
+well-to-do in the world, he come out to Jonesville on business and also
+to foller up the ties of relationship that wuz stretched out acrost hill
+and dale clear from Maine to Jonesville.</p>
+
+<p>Strange ties, hain't they? that are so little that they are invisible to
+the naked eye, or spectacles, or<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span> the keenest microscope, and yet are so
+strong and lastin' that the strongest sledge-hammer can't break 'em or
+even make a dent into 'em.</p>
+
+<p>And old Time himself, that crumbles stun work and mountains, can't seem
+to make any impression on 'em. Curious, hain't it?</p>
+
+<p>But to leave moralizin' and to resoom, it was on Friday, <span class="smcap">P.M.</span>,
+that he arrove at our home.</p>
+
+<p>I see a good-lookin' young chap a-comin' up the path from the front gate
+with my Josiah, and I hastily but firmly turned my apron the other side
+out&mdash;I had been windin' some blue yarn that day for some socks for my
+Josiah, and had colored it a little&mdash;it wuz a white apron&mdash;and then I
+waited middlin' serene till he come in with him.</p>
+
+<p>And lo! and behold! Josiah introduced him as Christopher Columbus Allen,
+my own cousin on my own side, and also on hisen.</p>
+
+<p>He wuz a very good-lookin' chap, some older than Thomas Jefferson, and I
+do declare if he didn't look some like him, which wouldn't be nothin'
+aginst the law, or aginst reason, bein' that they wuz related to each
+other.</p>
+
+<p>I wuz glad enough to see him, and I inquired after the relations with
+considerable interest, and some affection (not such an awful sight,
+never<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span> havin' seen 'em much, but a little, jest about enough).</p>
+
+<p>And then I learnt with some sadness that his father and mother had
+passed away not long before that, and that his sister Isabelle wuz not
+over well.</p>
+
+<p>And there wuz another coincerdence that struck aginst me almost hard
+enough to knock me down.</p>
+
+<p>Isabelle! jest think on't, when my mind wuz on a perfect strain about
+Isabelle Casteel.</p>
+
+<p>Columbus and Isabelle!&mdash;the idee!</p>
+
+<p>Why, my reason almost tottered on its throne under my recent best
+head-dress, when I hearn him speak the name. Christopher Columbus a
+tellin' me about Isabelle&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>I declare I wuz that wrought up that I expected every minute to hear him
+tell me somethin' about Ferdinand; but I do believe that I should have
+broke down under that.</p>
+
+<p>But it wuz all explained out to me afterwards by another relation that
+come onto us onexpected shortly afterwards.</p>
+
+<p>It seemed that Uncle Ezra and Aunt Tryphenia, after they went to Maine,
+moved into a sort of a new place, where it wuz dretful lonesome.</p>
+
+<p>They lost every book they had, owin' to a axident on their journey,
+ and the only book their nighest neighbor had wuz the life of Queen
+Isabelle.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span></p>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus022.png" width="500" height="355"
+alt="They lost every book they had, owin&#39; to a axident on their journey."
+title="They lost every book they had, owin&#39; to a axident on their journey." />
+<span class="caption">They lost every book they had, owin' to a axident on their journey.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span></p>
+<p>And so Aunt Tryphenia for years wuz, as you may say, jest saturated with
+that book. And she named her two children, born durin' that time of
+saturation, Christopher Columbus and Isabelle. And I presoom if she had
+had another, she would have named it King Ferdinand. Though I hain't
+sure of this&mdash;you can't be postive certain of any such thing as this.
+Besides it might have been born a girl onbeknown to her.</p>
+
+<p>But I know that she never washed them children with anything but Casteel
+soap, and she talked sights and sights about Spain and things.</p>
+
+<p>So I hearn from Uncle Jered Smith, who visited them while he wuz up on a
+tower through Maine, a-sellin' balsam of pine for the lungs.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, Isabelle had a sort of a runnin' down, so Krit said. He begged us
+to call him that&mdash;said that all his mates at school called him so. He
+had been educated quite high. Had been to deestrick school sights, and
+then to a 'Cademy and College. He had kinder worked his way up, so I
+found out, and so had Isabelle.</p>
+
+<p>She had graduated from a Young Woman's College, taught school to earn
+her money, and then<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span> went to school as long as that would last, and then
+would set out and teach agin, and then go agin and then taught, and then
+went.</p>
+
+<p>She wuz younger than Christopher, but he owned up to me that it wuz her
+example that had rousted him up to exert himself.</p>
+
+<p>She wuz awful ambitious, Isabelle wuz. She wuz smart as she could be,
+and had a feelin' that she wanted to be sunthin' in the World.</p>
+
+<p>But then the old folks wuz took down sick and helpless, and one of the
+children had to stay to home. And Isabelle staid, and sent Krit out into
+the World.</p>
+
+<p>She sold her jewels of Ambition and Happiness, and gin him the avails of
+them.</p>
+
+<p>She staid to home with the old folks&mdash;kinder peevish and fretful, Krit
+said they wuz, too&mdash;and let him go a-sailin' out on the broad ocean of
+life; she had trimmed her own sails in such hope, but had to curb 'em in
+now and lower the topmast.</p>
+
+<p>You have to reef your sails considerable when you are a-sailin' round in
+a small bedroom between two beds of sickness (asthma and inflammatory
+rheumatiz). You have to haul 'em in, and take down the flyin' pennen of
+Hope and Asperation, and mount up the lamp of Duty and Meekness for a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span>
+figger-head, instead of the glowin' face of Proud Endeavor.</p>
+
+<p>But them lamps give a dretful meller, soft light, when they are well
+mounted up, and firm sot.</p>
+
+<p>The light on 'em hain't to be compared to any other light on sea or on
+shore. It wrops 'em round so serene and glowin' that walks in it. It
+rests on their mild forwards in a sort of a halo that shines off on the
+hard things of this life and makes 'em endurable, takes the edge kinder
+off of the hardest, keenest sufferin's, and goes before 'em throwin' a
+light over the deep waters that must be passed, and sort o' melts in and
+loses itself in the ineffible radiance that streams out from acrost the
+other side.</p>
+
+<p>It is a curious light and a beautiful one. Isabelle jest journeyed in
+its full radiance.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, Isabelle would do what she sot out to do, you could see that by
+her face. Krit had brought her photograph with him&mdash;he thought his eyes
+of her&mdash;and I liked her looks first rate.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>It wuz a beautiful face, with more than beauty in it too. It wuz
+inteligent and serene, with the serenity of the sweet soul within. And
+it had a look deep down in the eyes, a sort of a shadow that is got by
+passin' through the Valley of Sorrow.</p>
+
+<p>I hearn afterwards what that look meant.</p>
+
+<p>Isabelle had been engaged to a smart, well-meanin' chap, Tom Freeman by
+name, not over and above rich, and one that had his own duties to attend
+to. Two helpless aged ones, and two little nieces to took care on, and
+nobody but himself to earn the money to do it with.</p>
+
+<p>The little nieces' Pa had gone to California after his wife's death&mdash;and
+hadn't been hearn from sence. The little children had been left with
+their grandparents and Uncle Tom to stay till their Pa got back. And as
+he didn't git back, of course they kept on a-stayin', and had to be took
+care on. They wuz bright little creeters, and the very apples of their
+eyes. But they cost money, and they cost love, and Tom had to give it,
+for they lost what little property they had about this time&mdash;and the
+feeble Grandma couldn't do much, and the Grandpa died not long after the
+eppisode I am about to relate.</p>
+
+<p>So it all devolved onto Tom. And Tom riz up<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span> to his duties nobly, though
+it wuz with a sad heart, as wuz spozed, for Isabelle, when she see what
+had come onto him to do, wouldn't hold him to his engagement&mdash;she
+insisted on his bein' free.</p>
+
+<p>I spoze she thought she wouldn't burden him with two more helpless ones,
+and then mebby she thought the two spans wouldn't mate very well. And
+most probable they would have been a pretty cross match. (I mean, that
+is, a sort of a melancholy, down-sperited yoke, and if anybody laughs at
+it, I would wish 'em to laugh in a sort of a mournful way.)</p>
+
+<p>Wall, Tom Freeman, after Isabelle sot him free, bein' partly mad and
+partly heart-broken, as is the way of men who are deep in love, and want
+their way, but anyway wantin' to keep out of the sight of the one who,
+if he couldn't have her for his own, he wanted to forgit&mdash;he packed up
+bag and baggage and went West.</p>
+
+<p>Isabelle wouldn't correspond with him, so she told him in that last
+hour&mdash;still and calm on the outside, and her heart a-bleedin' on the
+inside, I dare presoom to say; no, she wanted him to feel free.</p>
+
+<p>What creeters, what creeters wimmen be for makin' martyrs of themselves,
+and burnt sacrifices<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span>&mdash;sometimes I most think they enjoy it, and then
+agin I don't know!</p>
+
+<p>But Isabelle acted from a sense of duty, for she jest worshipped the
+ground Tom Freeman walked on, so everybody knew, and so she bid adieu to
+Tom and Happiness, and lived on.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, one of 'em must stay at home with the old folks, either she or
+Christopher Columbus. And when a man and a woman love each other as
+Isabelle and Krit did, when wuz it ever the case but what if there wuz
+any sacrificin' to do the woman wuz the one to do it.</p>
+
+<p>It is her nater, and I don't know but a real true woman takes as much
+comfort in bein' sort o' onhappy for the sake of some one she loves, as
+she would in swingin' right out and a-enjoyin' herself first rate.</p>
+
+<p>A woman who really loves anything has the makin' of a first-class martyr
+in her. And though she may not be ever tied to a stake, and gridirons be
+fur removed from her, still she has a sort of a silent hankerin' or
+aptitude for martrydom. That is, she would fur ruther be onhappy herself
+than to have the beloved object wretched. And if either of 'em has got
+to face trouble and privation, why she is the one that stands ready to
+face 'em.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>So Isabelle sent Krit off into the great world to conquer it if
+possible.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 292px;">
+<img src="images/illus025.png" width="292" height="500"
+alt="Isabelle staid, and sent Krit out into the World."
+title="Isabelle staid, and sent Krit out into the World" />
+<span class="caption">Isabelle staid, and sent Krit out into the World.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>And Krit, as the nater of man is, felt that he would ruther branch and
+work his way along through the World, and work hard and venter and dare
+and try to conquer fortune, than to set round and endure and suffer and
+be calm.</p>
+
+<p>Men are not, although they are likely creeters and I wish 'em well, yet
+truth compels me to say that they are not very much gin to follerin'
+this text, "To suffer and be calm."</p>
+
+<p>No, they had ruther rampage round and kill the lions in the way than to
+camp down in front of 'em and try to subdue 'em with kindness and long
+sufferin'.</p>
+
+<p>Krit, as the nateral nater of man is, felt that he could and would earn
+a good place in the World, win it with hard work, and then lift Isabelle
+up onto the high platform by the side of him.</p>
+
+<p>Though whether he had made any plans as how he wuz a-goin' to hist up
+the two feeble old invalids, that I can't state, not knowin'.</p>
+
+<p>But Isabelle, he did lay out to do well by her, thinkin' as he did such
+a amazin' lot of her, and knowin' how she gin up her own ambitious hopes
+for his sake, and knowin' well, though he didn't<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span> really feel free to
+interfere, how she had signed the death-warrant to her own happiness
+when she parted with Tom Freeman. But so it wuz.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, Krit wouldn't have to lift up the old folks onto any worldly hite,
+for the Lord took 'em up into His own habitation, higher I spoze than
+any earthly mount. About six months before Krit come to Jonesville, they
+both passed away most at the same time, and wuz buried in one grave.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, we all on us in Jonesville thought a sight of Krit before he had
+been with us a week. He had come partly to see a man in Jonesville on
+particular business, and partly to see us. He wuz a civil engineer, jest
+as civil and polite a one as I ever laid eyes on, and wuz a-doin' well,
+but Thomas Jefferson thought he could help him to a still better place
+and position.</p>
+
+<p>Thomas J. is very popular in Jonesville. He is doin' a big business all
+over the county, and is very influential.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, Krit's business bid fair to keep him for some time in Jonesville
+and the vicinity, and as he see that Josiah Allen and I wuz a-makin'
+preperations to go to the World's Fair&mdash;and bein' warmly pursuaded by us
+to that effect, he concluded to stay and accompany us thither. The idee
+wuz very agreeable to us.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>He said his sister Isabelle, after she wuz a little recooperated from
+her grief for the old folks, and recovered a little from the sickness
+that she had after they left her, she too laid out to come on to
+Chicago, and spend a few weeks.</p>
+
+<p>He wuz a-layin' out to reconoiter round and find a good place for her to
+board and take good care on her. He thought enough on her&mdash;yes, indeed.</p>
+
+<p>But, as he said, she wuz jest struck right down seemin'ly with her grief
+at the loss of them two old folks.</p>
+
+<p>You see, if your head has been a-restin' for some time on a piller, even
+if it is a piller of stun, when it is drawed out sudden from under you,
+your head jars down on the ground dretful heavy and hard.</p>
+
+<p>And when you've been carryin' a burden for a long time, when it is took
+sudden from you you have a giddy feelin', you feel light and faint and
+wobblin'.</p>
+
+<p>And then she loved 'em&mdash;she loved her poor old charges with a daughter's
+love and with all the love a mother gives to a helpless baby, with the
+pity added that gray hairs and toothless gums must amount to added up
+over the sum of dimples and ivory and coral that makes up a baby's
+beautiful helplessness.</p>
+
+<p>And they wuz took from her dretful sudden. There wuz a sort of a
+influenza prevailin' up round<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span> their way, and lots of strong healthy
+folks suckumbed to it, and it struck onto these poor old feeble ones
+some like simiters, and mowed 'em right down.</p>
+
+<p>The old lady wuz took down first, and her great anxiety wuz&mdash;"That Pa
+shouldn't know that she wuz so sick."</p>
+
+<p>But before she died, "Pa" in another room wuz took with it, and passed
+away a day before she did.</p>
+
+<p>She worried all that mornin' about "Pa," and&mdash;"How bad he would feel if
+he knew she wuz so sick!" <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span>But along late in the afternoon, when the
+Winter sun wuz makin' a pale reflection on the wall through the south
+winder, she looked up, and sez she&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Why, there stands Pa right by my bed, and he wants me to git up and go
+with him. And, Isabelle, I must go."</p>
+
+<p>And she did.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus032.png" width="500" height="491"
+alt="&quot;Why, there stands Pa, and he wants me to git up and go with him.&quot;"
+title="&quot;Why, there stands Pa, and he wants me to git up and go with him.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"Why, there stands Pa, and he wants me to git up and go with him."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>And Isabelle wuz left alone.</p>
+
+<p>They wuz buried in one grave. And the funeral sermon, they say, wuz
+enough to melt a stun, if there had been any stuns round where they
+could hear it.</p>
+
+<p>Isabelle didn't hear it (don't git the idee that I am a-wantin' to
+compare her to a stun; no, fur from it). She wuz a-layin' to home on a
+bed, with her sad eyes bent on nothin'ess and emptiness and utter
+desolation, so it seemed to her.</p>
+
+<p>But after a time she begun to pick up a little, judgin' from her letters
+to her brother Krit. He had to leave her jest after the funeral on<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span>
+account of his business; for, civil as it wuz, it had to be tended to.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_II" id="CHAPTER_II"></a>CHAPTER II.</h2>
+
+
+<p>Wall, we all enjoyed havin' Christopher there the best that ever wuz.
+For he wuz very agreeable, as well as oncommon smart, which two
+qualities don't always go together, as has often been observed by
+others, and I have seen for myself.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, it wuzn't more than a week or so after Krit arrived and got there,
+that another relation made his appearance in Jonesville.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz of 'em on his side this time&mdash;not like Krit, half hisen and half
+mine, but clear hisen. Clear Allen, with no Smith at all in the
+admixture.</p>
+
+<p>Proud enough wuz my pardner of him, and of himself too for bein' born
+his cousin. (Though that wuz onbeknown to him at the time, and he ort
+not to have gloried in i<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span>t.)</p>
+
+<p>But tickled wuz he when word come that Elnathan Allen, Esquire, of Menlo
+Park, California, wuz a-comin' to Jonesville to visit his old friends.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 353px;">
+<img src="images/illus034.png" width="353" height="500"
+alt="Tickled wuz he when word come."
+title="Tickled wuz he when word come." />
+<span class="caption">Tickled wuz he when word come.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>That man had begun life poor&mdash;poor as a snipe; sometimes I used to
+handle that very word "Snipe" a-describin' Elnathan Allen's former
+circumstances to Josiah, when he got too overbearin' about him.</p>
+
+<p>For he had boasted to me about him for years, and years, and a woman
+can't stand only jest about so much aggravatin' and treadin' on before
+she will turn like a worm.</p>
+
+<p>That is Bible about "The Worm," and must be believed.</p>
+
+<p>What used to mad me the worst wuz when he would git to comparin'
+Elnathan with one of 'em on my side who wuz shiftless. Good land!
+'Zekiel Smith hain't the only man on earth who is ornary and no account.
+Every pardner has 'em, more or less, on his side and on hern; let not
+one pardner boast themselves over the other one; both have their
+drawbacks.</p>
+
+<p>But Elnathan had done well; I admitted it only when I wuz too much put
+upon.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span></p>
+<p>He had gone fur West, got rich, invested his capital first rate, some
+on it in a big Eastern city, and had got to be a millionare.</p>
+
+<p>He wuz a widower with one child, The Little Maid, as he called her; he
+jest idolized her, and thought she wuz perfect.</p>
+
+<p>And I spoze she wuz oncommon, not from what her Pa said&mdash;no, I didn't
+take all his talk about her for Gospel; I know too much.</p>
+
+<p>But Barzelia Ann Allen (a old maid up to date) had seen her, had been
+out to California on a excursion train, and had staid some time with
+'em.</p>
+
+<p>And she said that she wuz the smartest child this side of Heaven. With
+eyes of violet blue, big luminous eyes, that draw the hearts and souls
+of folks right out of their bodies when they looked into 'em, so full of
+radiant joy and heavenly sweetness wuz they.</p>
+
+<p>And hair of waving gold, and lips and cheeks as pink as the hearts of
+the roses that climbed all Winter round her winder&mdash;and the sweetest,
+daintiest ways&mdash;and so good to everybody, them that wuz poor and
+sufferin' most of all.</p>
+
+<p>Barzeel wuz always most too enthusiastick to suit me, but I got the idee
+from what she said that she wuz a oncommon lovely child.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span></p>
+<p>Good land! Elnathan couldn't talk about anything else&mdash;like little
+babblin' brooks runnin' towards the sea, all his talk, every anecdote he
+told, and every idee he sot forth, jest led up to and ended with that
+child. Jest like creeks.</p>
+
+<p>He worshipped her.</p>
+
+<p>And he himself told me so many stories about her bein' so good to the
+poor, and sacrificin' her little comforts for 'em&mdash;at her age, too&mdash;that
+I thought to myself, I wonder why you don't take some of them object
+lessons to heart&mdash;why you don't set down at her feet, and learn of
+her&mdash;and I wonder too where she took her sweet charity from, but spoze
+it wuz from her mother. Her<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span> mother had been a beautiful woman, so I had
+been told. She wuz a Devereaux&mdash;nobody that I ever knew, or Josiah.
+Celeste Devereaux.</p>
+
+<p>The little girl wuz named for her mother. But they always called her The
+Little Maid.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, to resoom, and to hitch my horse in front of the wagon agin.
+(Allegory.)</p>
+
+<p>Elnathan had left The Little Maid and her nurse in that Eastern city
+where he owned so much property, and had come on to pay a flyin' visit
+to Jonesville, not forgittin' Loontown, you may be sure, where a
+deceased Aunt had jest died and left her property to him.</p>
+
+<p>He wuz close.</p>
+
+<p>He had left The Little Maid in the finest hotel in the city, so he said.
+He had looked over more'n a dozen, so I hearn, before he could git one
+he thought wuz healthy enough and splendid enough for her. At last he
+selected one, standin' on a considerable rise of ground, with big, high,
+gorgeous rooms, and prices higher than the very topmost cupalo, and
+loftiest chimbly pot.</p>
+
+<p>Here he got two big rooms for The Little Maid, and one for the nurse. He
+got the two rooms for the child so's the air could circulate through
+'em.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus037.png" width="500" height="265" alt="&quot;Here he got two big rooms.&quot;" title="&quot;Here he got two big rooms.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">&quot;Here he got two big rooms.&quot;</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>He wuz very particular about her havin' air of the very purest and best
+kind there wuz made, and the same with vittles and clothes, etc., etc.,
+etc.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, while he wuz a-goin' on so about pure air and the values and
+necessities of it, I couldn't help thinkin' of what Barzelia had told me
+about that big property of hisen in the Eastern city where he had left
+The Little Maid.</p>
+
+<p>Here, in the very lowest part of the city, he owned hull streets of
+tenement housen, miserable old rotten affairs, down in stiflin' alleys,
+and courts, breeders of disease, and crime, and death.</p>
+
+<p>At first some on 'em fell into his hands by a exchange of property, and
+he found they paid so well, that he directed his agent to buy up a lot
+of 'em.</p>
+
+<p>Barzelia had told me all about 'em, she was jest as enthusiastick about
+what she didn't like as what she did; she said the money got in that
+way, by housin' the poor in such horrible pestilental places, seemed
+jest like makin' a bargain with Death. Rentin' housen to him to make
+carnival in.</p>
+
+<p>And while he wuz talkin' <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span>to such great length, and with such a satisfied
+and comfortable look onto his face, about the vital necessities of pure
+air and beautiful surroundin's, in order to make children well and
+happy, my thoughts kept a-roamin', and I couldn't help it. Down from the
+lovely spot where The Little Maid wuz, down, down, into the dretful
+places that Barzelia had told me about. Where squalor, and crime, and
+disease, and death walked hand in hand, gatherin' new victims at every
+step, and where the children wuz a-droppin' down in the poisinous air
+like dead leaves in a swamp.</p>
+
+<p>I kep a-thinkin' of this, and finally I tackled Elnathan about it, and
+he laughed, Elnathan did, and begun to talk about the swarms and herds
+of useless and criminal humanity a-cumberin' the ground, and he threw a
+lot of statisticks at me. But they didn't hit me. Good land! I wuzn't
+afraid on 'em, nor I didn't care anything about 'em, and I gin him to
+understand that I didn't.</p>
+
+<p>And in the cause of duty I kep on a-tacklin' him about them housen of
+hisen, and advisin' him to tear 'em down, and build wholesome ones, and
+in the place of the worst ones, to help make some little open breathin'
+places for the poor creeters down there, with a green tree now and then.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span></p>
+<p>And then agin he brung up the utter worthlessness, and shiftlessness,
+and viciousness of the class I wuz a-talkin' about.</p>
+
+<p>And then I sez&mdash;"How is anybody a-goin' to live pattern lives, when they
+are a-starvin' to death? And how is anybody a-goin' to enjoy religion
+when they are a-chokin'?"</p>
+
+<p>And then he threw some more statisticks at me, dry and hard ones too;
+and agin he see they didn't hit me, and then he kinder laughed agin, and
+assumed something of a jokelar air&mdash;such as men will when they are
+a-talkin' to wimmen&mdash;dretful exasperatin', too&mdash;and sez he&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"You are a Philosopher, Cousin Samantha, and you must know such housen
+as you are a-talkin' about are advantageous in one way, if in no
+other&mdash;they help to reduce the surplus population. If it wuzn't for such
+places, and for the electric wires, and bomb cranks, and accidents,
+etc., the world would git too full to stand up in."</p>
+
+<p>"Help to reduce the surplus population!" sez I, and my voice shook with
+indignation as I said it. Sez I&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Elnathan Allen, you had better stop a-pilin' up your statisticks, for a
+spell, and come down onto the level of humanity and human brotherhood."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span></p>
+<p>Sez I, "Spozen you should take it to yourself for a spell, imagine how
+it would be with you if you had been born there onbeknown to yourself."
+Sez I, "If you wuz a-livin' down there in them horrible pits of disease
+and death&mdash;if you wuz a-standin' over the dyin' bed of wife or mother,
+or other dear one, and felt that if you could bring one fresh, sweet
+breath of air to the dear one, dyin' for the want of it, you would
+almost barter your hopes of eternity&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"If you stood there in that black, chokin' atmosphere, reekin' with all
+pestilental and moral death, and see the one you loved best a-slippin'
+away from you&mdash;borne out of your sight, borne away into the onknown, on
+them dead waves of poisinous, deathly air&mdash;I guess you wouldn't talk
+about reducin' the Surplus Population."</p>
+
+<p>I had been real eloquent, and I knew it, for I felt deeply what I said.</p>
+
+<p>But Elnathan looked cheerful under all my talk. It didn't impress him a
+mite, I could see.</p>
+
+<p>He felt safe. He wuz sure the squalor and sufferin' never would or could
+touch him. He thought, in the words of the Him slightly changed, that:
+"He could read his title clear to Mansions with all the modern
+improvements."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span></p>
+<p>He and The Little Maid wuz safe. The world looked further off to him,
+the woes, and wants, and crimes of our poor humanity seemed quite a
+considerable distance away from him.</p>
+
+<p>Onclouded prosperity had hardened Elnathan's heart&mdash;it will
+sometimes&mdash;hard as Pharo's.</p>
+
+<p>But he wuz a visitor and one of the relations on his side, and I done
+well by him, killed a duck and made quite a fuss.</p>
+
+<p>The business of settlin' the estate took quite a spell, but he didn't
+hurry any.</p>
+
+<p>He said "the nurse wuz good as gold, she would take good care of The
+Little Maid. She wrote to him every day;" and so she did, the hussy, all
+through that dretful time to come.</p>
+
+<p>Oh dear me! oh dear suz!</p>
+
+<p>The nurse, Jean, had a sister who had come over from England with a
+cargo of trouble and children&mdash;after Jean had come on to California.</p>
+
+<p>And Elnathan, good-natured when he wuz a mind to be, had listened to
+Jean's story of her sister's woes, with poverty, hungery children, and a
+drunken husband, and had given this sister two small rooms in one of his
+tenement housen, and asked so little for them, that they wuz livin'
+quite comfortable, if<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span> anybody could live comfortable, in such a
+stiflin', nasty spot.</p>
+
+<p>Their rooms wuz on top of the house, and wuz kept clean, and so high up
+that they could get a breath of air now and then.</p>
+
+<p>But the way up to 'em led over a crazy pair of stairs, so broken and
+rotten that even the Agent wuz disgusted with 'em and had wrote a letter
+to Elnathan asking for new stairs, and new sanitary arrangements, as the
+deaths wuz so frequent in that particular tenement, that the Agent wuz
+frightened, for fear they would be complained of by the City
+Fathers&mdash;though them old fathers can stand a good deal without
+complainin'.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, the Agent wrote, but Elnathan wuz at that time buildin' a new
+orchid house (he had more'n a dozen of 'em before) for The Little Maid;
+she loved these half-human blossoms.</p>
+
+<p>And he wuz buildin' a high palm house, and a new fountain, and a veranda
+covered with carved lattice-work around The Little Maid's apartments.
+And a stained-glass gallery, leading from the conservatory to the
+greenhouses, and these other houses I have mentioned, so that The Little
+Maid could walk out to 'em on too sunny days, or when it misted some.</p>
+
+<p>And so he wrote ba<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span>ck to his Agent, that "he couldn't possibly spend any
+money on stairs or plumbin' in a tenement house, for the repairs he wuz
+making on his own place at Menlo Park would cost more than a hundred
+thousand dollars&mdash;and he felt that he couldn't fix them stairs, and he
+thought anyway it wuzn't best to listen to the complaints of complaining
+tenants." And he ended in that jokelar way of hisen&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"That if you listened to 'em, and done one thing for 'em, the next thing
+they would want would be velvet-lined carriages to ride out in."</p>
+
+<p>And the Agent, havin' jest seen the tenth funeral a-wendin' out of that
+very house that week, and bein' a man of some sense, though hampered,
+wrote back and said&mdash;"Carriages wouldn't be the next thing that they
+would all want, but coffins."</p>
+
+<p>He said sence he had wrote to Elnathan more than a dozen had been wanted
+there in that very house, and the tenants had been borne out in 'em.</p>
+
+<p>(And laid in fur cleaner dirt than they wuz accustomed to there;) he
+didn't write this last&mdash;that is my own eppisodin'.</p>
+
+<p>And agin the Agent mentioned the stairs, and agin he mentioned the
+plumbin'.</p>
+
+<p>But Elnathan wuz so interested then and took up in tryin' to decide
+whether he would have a stained-glass angel or some st<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span>ained-glass
+cherubs a-hoverin' over the gallery in front of The Little Maid's room,
+that he hadn't a mite of time to argue any further on the subject&mdash;so he
+telegrafted&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"No repairs allowed. Elnathan Allen."</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus045.png" width="500" height="507"
+alt="&quot;No repairs allowed.&quot;"
+title="&quot;No repairs allowed.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"No repairs allowed."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Wall, Elnathan had got the repairs all made, and the place looked
+magnificent.</p>
+
+<p>Good land! it ort to; the hull place cost more than a million dollars,
+so I have hearn; I don't say that I am postive knowin' to it. But
+Barzelia gits things pretty straight; it come to me through her.</p>
+
+<p>The Little Maid enjoyed it all, and Elnathan enjoyed it twice over, once
+and first in her, and then of course in his own self.</p>
+
+<p>But The Little Maid looked sort o' pimpin, and her little appetite
+didn't seem to be very good, and the doctor said that a journey East
+would do her good.</p>
+
+<p>And jest at this time the dowery in Loontown fell onto Elnathan, so that
+they all come East.</p>
+
+<p>Elnathan had forgot all about Jean havin' any relation in the big
+Eastern city where they stopped first&mdash;good land! their little idees and
+images had got all overlaid and covered up with glass angels, orchids,
+bank stock, some mines, palm-hous<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span>es, political yearnin's, social
+distinction, carved lattice-work, some religious idees, and yots, and
+club-houses, etc., etc., etc.</p>
+
+<p>But when he decided to leave The Little Maid in the city and not bring
+her to Jonesville&mdash;(and I believe in my soul, and I always shall believe
+it, that he wuz in doubt whether we had things good enough for her. The
+idee! He said he thought it would be too much for her to go round to all
+the relatives&mdash;wall, mebby it wuz that! But I shall always have my
+thoughts.)</p>
+
+<p>But anyway, when he made up his mind to leave her, he gin the nurse
+strict orders to not go down into the city below a certain street, which
+wuz a good high one, and not let The Little Maid out of her sight night
+or day.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 460px;">
+<img src="images/illus048.png" width="460" height="500"
+alt="He gin the nurse strict orders."
+title="He gin the nurse strict orders." />
+<span class="caption">He gin the nurse strict orders.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Wall, the nurse knew it wuz wrong&mdash;she knew it, but she did it. Jest as
+Cain did, and jest as David did, when he killed Ury, and Joseph's
+brother and Pharo, and you and I, and the relations on his side and on
+yourn.</p>
+
+<p>She knew she hadn't ort to. But bein' out a-walkin' with The Little Maid
+one day, a home-sick feelin' come over her all of a sudden. She wanted
+to se<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span>e her sister&mdash;wanted to, like a dog.</p>
+
+<p>So, as the day wuz very fair, she thought mebby it wouldn't do any
+hurt.</p>
+
+<p>The sky was so blue between the green boughs of the Park! There had been
+a rain, and the glistenin' green made her think of the hedgerows of old
+England, where she and Katy used to find birds' nests, and the blue wuz
+jest the shade of the sweet old English violets. How<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span> she and Katy used
+to love them! And the blue too wuz jest the color of Katy's eyes when
+she last see them, full of tears at partin' from her.</p>
+
+<p>She thought of Elnathan's sharp orders not to go down into the city, and
+not to let The Little Maid out of her sight.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, she thought it over, and thought that mebby if she kep one of her
+promises good, she would be forgive the other.</p>
+
+<p>Jest as the Israelites did about the manny, and jest as You did when you
+told your wife you would bring her home a present, and come home
+early&mdash;and you bore her home a bracelet, at four o'clock in the mornin'.</p>
+
+<p>And jest as I did when I said, under the influence of a stirring sermon,
+that I wouldn't forgit it, and I would live up to it&mdash;wall, I hain't
+forgot it.</p>
+
+<p>But tenny rate, the upshot of the matter wuz that the nurse thought she
+would keep half of the Master's orders&mdash;she wouldn't let The Little Maid
+out of her sight.</p>
+
+<p>So she hired a cab&mdash;she had plenty of money, Elnathan didn't stent her
+on wages. He had his good qualities, Elnathan did.</p>
+
+<p>And she and The Little Maid rolled away, down through the broad,
+beautiful<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span> streets, lined with stately housen and filled with a throng of
+gay, handsome, elegantly clothed men, wimmen, and children.</p>
+
+<p>Down into narrower business streets, with lofty warehouses on each side,
+and full of a well-dressed, hurrying crowd of business men&mdash;down, down,
+down into the dretful street she had sot out to find.</p>
+
+<p>With crazy, slantin' old housen on either side&mdash;forms of misery filling
+the narrow, filthy street, wearing the semblance of manhood and
+womanhood. And worst of all, embruted, and haggard, and aged childhood.</p>
+
+<p>Filth of all sorts cumbering the broken old walks, and hoverin' over all
+a dretful sicknin' odor, full of disease and death.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, when they got there, The Little Maid (she had a tender heart), she
+wuz pale as death, and the big tears wuz a-rollin' down her cheeks, at
+the horrible sights and sounds she see all about her.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, Jean hurried her up the rickety old staircase into her sister's
+room, where Jean and Kate fell into each other's arms, and forgot the
+world while they mingled their tears and their laughter, and half crazy
+words of love and bewildered joy.</p>
+
+<p>The Little Maid sot silently loo<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span>kin' out into the dirty, dretful
+court-yard, swarmin' with ragged children in every form of dirt and
+discomfort, squalor and vice.</p>
+
+<p>She had never seen anything of the kind before in her guarded,
+love-watched life.</p>
+
+<p>She didn't know that there wuz such things in the world.</p>
+
+<p>Her lips wuz quiverin'&mdash;her big, earnest eyes full of tears, as she
+started to go down the broken old stairs.</p>
+
+<p>And her heart full of desires to help 'em, so we spoze.</p>
+
+<p>But her tears blinded her.</p>
+
+<p>Half way down she stumbled and fell.</p>
+
+<p>The nurse jumped down to help her. She wuz hefty&mdash;two hundred wuz her
+weight; the stairs, jest hangin' together by links of planked rotteness,
+fell under 'em&mdash;down, down they went, down into the depths below.</p>
+
+<p>The nurse was stunted&mdash;not hurt, only stunted.</p>
+
+<p>But The Little Maid, they thought she wuz dead, as they lifted her out.
+Ivory white wuz the perfect little face, with the long golden hair
+hangin' back from it, ivory white the little hand and arm hangin' limp
+at her side.</p>
+
+<p>She wuz carried into Katy's room, a doctor wuz soon called. Her arm wuz
+bro<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span>ken, but he said, after she roused from her faintin' fit, and her
+arm wuz set&mdash;he said she would git well, but she mustn't be moved for
+several days.</p>
+
+<p>Jean, wild with fright and remorse, thought she would conceal her sin,
+and git her back to the hotel before she telegrafted to her father.</p>
+
+<p>Jest as you thought when you eat cloves the other night, and jest as I
+thought when I laid the Bible over the hole in the table-cover, when I
+see the minister a-comin'.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, the little arm got along all right, or would, if that had been
+all, but the poisonous air wuz what killed the little creeter.</p>
+
+<p>For five days she lay, not sufferin' so much in body, but stifled,
+choked with the putrid air, and each day the red in her cheeks deepened,
+and the little pulse beat faster and faster.</p>
+
+<p>And on the fifth day she got delerious, and she talked wild.</p>
+
+<p>She talked about cool, beautiful parks bein' made down in the stiflin',
+crowded, horrible courts and byways of the cities&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>With great trees under which the children could play, and look up into
+the blue sky, and breathe the sweet air&mdash;she talked about fresh dewey
+grass on which they might lay<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span> their little hollow cheeks, and which
+would cool the fever in them.</p>
+
+<p>She talked about a fountain of pure water down where now wuz filth too
+horrible to mention.</p>
+
+<p>She talked <i>very</i> wild&mdash;for she talked about them terrible slantin' old
+housen bein' torn down to make room for this Paradise of the future.</p>
+
+<p>Had she been older, words might have fallen from her feverish lips of
+how the woes, and evils, and crimes of the lower classes always react
+upon the upper.</p>
+
+<p>She might have pictured in her dreams the drama that is ever bein'
+enacted on the pages of history&mdash;of the sorely oppressed masses turnin'
+on the oppressors, and drivin' them, with themselves, out to ruin.</p>
+
+<p>Pages smeared with blood might have passed before her, and she might
+have dreamed&mdash;for she wuz <i>very</i> delerious&mdash;she might have dreamed of
+the time when our statesmen and lawgivers would pause awhile from their
+hard task of punishin' crime, and bend their energies upon avertin' it&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Helpin' the poor to better lives, helpin' them to justice. Takin' the
+small hands of the children, and leadin' them away from the overcrowded
+prisons and penitentaries toward better lives&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>When Charity (a good creeter, too, Charity is) but when she <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span>would step
+aside and let Justice and True Wisdom go ahead for a spell&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>When co-operative business would equalize wealth to a greater
+degree&mdash;when the government would control the great enterprises, needed
+by all, but addin' riches to but few&mdash;when comfort would nourish
+self-respect, and starved vice retreat before the dawnin' light of
+happiness.</p>
+
+<p>Had she been older she might have babbled of all this as she lay there,
+a victim of wrong inflicted on the low&mdash;a martyr to the folly of the
+rich, and their injustice toward the poor.</p>
+
+<p>But as it wuz, she talked only with her little fever-parched lips of the
+lovely, cool garden.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, they wuz wild dreams, flittin', flittin', in little vague, tangled
+idees through the childish brain!</p>
+
+<p>But the talk wuz always about the green, beautiful garden, and the
+crowds of little children walkin' there.</p>
+
+<p>And on the seventh day (that wuz after Elnathan got there, and me and
+Josiah, bein' telegrafted to)&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>On the seventh day she begun to talk about a Form she saw a-walkin' in
+the garden&mdash;a Presence beautiful and divine, we thought from her words.
+He smiled as he saw the happiness of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span> the children. He smiled upon her,
+he wuz reachin' out his arms to her.</p>
+
+<p>And about evenin' she looked up into her father's face and knew him&mdash;and
+she said somethin' about lovin' him so&mdash;and somethin' about the
+beautiful garden, and the happy children there, and then she looked away
+from us all with a smile, and I spozed, and I always shall spoze, that
+the Divine One a-walkin' in the cool of the evenin' in the garden, the
+benign Presence she saw there, happy in the children's happiness, drew
+nearer to her, and took her in his arms&mdash;for it says&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"He shall carry the lambs in His bosom."</p>
+
+<p>That wuz two years ago. Elnathan Allen is a changed man, a changed man.</p>
+
+<p>I hain't mentioned the word surplus population to him. No, I hadn't the
+heart to.</p>
+
+<p>Poor creeter, I wuz good to him as I could be all through it, and so wuz
+Josiah.</p>
+
+<p>His hair got white as a old man's in less than two months.</p>
+
+<p>But with the same energy he brought to bear in makin' money he brought
+to bear on makin' The Little Maid's dream come true.</p>
+
+<p>He said it wuz a vision.</p>
+
+<p>And, poor creeter, a-doin' it all under a mournin' weed; and i<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span>f ever a
+weed wuz deep, and if ever a man mourned deep, it is that man.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, Elnathan has done well; I have writ to him to that effect.</p>
+
+<p>He tore down them crazy, slantin', rotten old housen, and made a park of
+that filthy hole, a lovely little park, with fresh green grass, a
+fountain of pure water, where the birds come to slake their little
+thirsts.</p>
+
+<p>He sot out big trees (money will move a four-foot ellum). There is
+green, rustlin' boughs for the birds to build their nests in. Cool green
+leaves to wave over the heads of the children.</p>
+
+<p>They lay their pale faces on the grass, they throw their happy little
+hearts onto the kind, patient heart of their first mother, Nature, and
+she soothes the fever in their little breasts, and gives 'em new and
+saner idees.</p>
+
+<p>They hold their little hands under the crystal water droppin' forever
+from the outspread wings of a dove. They find insensibly the grime
+washed away by these pure drops, their hands are less inclined to clasp
+round murderous weepons and turn them towards the lofty abodes of the
+rich.</p>
+
+<p>They do not hate the rich so badly, for it is a rich man who has done
+all this for them.</p>
+
+<p>The high walls of the prison tha<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span>t used to loom up so hugely and
+threatingly in front of the bare old tenement housen&mdash;the harsh glare
+of them walls seem further away, hidden from them by the gracious green
+of the blossoming trees.</p>
+
+<p>The sunshine lays between them and its rou<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span>gh walls&mdash;they follow the
+glint of the sunbeams up into the Heavens.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_III" id="CHAPTER_III"></a>CHAPTER III.</h2>
+
+
+<p>My beloved pardner is very easy lifted up or cast down by his emotions,
+and his excitement wuz intense durin' the hull of the long time that the
+warfare lasted as to where the World's Fair wuz to be held, where
+Columbus wuz goin' to be celebrated.</p>
+
+<p>I thought at the time, Josiah wuz so fearful riz up in his mind, that it
+wuz doubtful if he ever would be settled down agin, and act in a way
+becomin' to a grandfather and a Deacon in the M.E. meetin'-house.</p>
+
+<p>And it wuz a excitin' time, very, and the fightin' and quarrelin'
+between the rival cities wuz perilous in the extreme.</p>
+
+<p>It would have skairt Christopher, I'll bet, if he could have seen it,
+and he would have said that he would most ruther not be celebrated than
+to seen it go on.</p>
+
+<p>Why, New York and Chicago most come to hands and blows about it, and St.
+Louis wuz jest a-follerin' them other cities up tight, a-worryin' 'em,
+and a-naggin', and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span> a sort o' barkin' at their heels, as it wuz, bound
+she would have it.</p>
+
+<p>They couldn't all on 'em have it. Christopher couldn't be in three
+places at one time and simultanous, no matter how much calculation he
+had about him. No, that wuz impossible. He had to be in one place. And
+they fit, and they fit, and they fit, till I got tired of the very name
+of the World's Fair, and Josiah got almost ravin' destracted.</p>
+
+<p>It seemed to me, and so I told Josiah, that New York wuz a more proper
+place for it, bein' as it wuz clost to the ocean, so many foreigners
+would float over here, them and their things that they wanted to show to
+the Fair.</p>
+
+<p>It would almost seem as if they would be tired enough when they got
+here, to not want to disemmark themselves and their truck, and then
+imegiatly embark agin on a periongor or wagon, or car, or sunthin, and
+go a-trailin' off thousands of milds further. And then go through it all
+agin disembarkin' and unloadin' their truck, and themselves.</p>
+
+<p>Howsumever, I spozed if they sot out for the Fair from Africa, or
+Hindoostan, or Asia, I spozed they would keep on till they got there, if
+they had to go the hull length of the Misisippi River, and travelled in
+more'n forty different conveniences, etc., etc. But it didn't seem so
+handy nor nigh.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span></p>
+<p>But Chicago is dretful worrysome and active, jest like all children who
+have growed fast, and kinder outgrowed their clothes and family
+goverment.</p>
+
+<p>She is dretful forward for one of her years, and she knows it. She knows
+she is smart, and she is bound to have her own way if there is any
+possible way of gittin' it.</p>
+
+<p>And she had jest put her foot right down, that have that Fair she would.
+And like as not if she hadn't got it she would have throwed herself and
+kicked. I shouldn't wonder a mite if she had.</p>
+
+<p>But she jest clawed right in, and tore round and acted, and jawed, and
+coaxed, and kinder cried, and carried the day, jest as spilte children
+will, more'n half the time.</p>
+
+<p>Not but what New York wuz a-cuttin' up and a-actin' jest as bad,
+accordin' to its age.</p>
+
+<p>But Chicago wuz younger and spryer, and could kick stronger and cut up
+higher.</p>
+
+<p>New York wuz older and lamer, as you may say, its jints wuz stiffer, and
+it had lost some of its faculties, which made it dretful bad for her.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz forgetful; it had spells of kinder losin' its memory, and had had
+for years.</p>
+
+<p>Now, when the Great General died, why New York cut up fe<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span>arful a-fightin'
+for the honor of havin' him laid to rest in its borders.</p>
+
+<p>Why, New York fairly riz up and kicked higher than you could have spozed
+it wuz possible for her to kick at her age, and hollered louder than you
+could have spozed it wuz possible with her lungs.</p>
+
+<p>When Washington, the Capital of this Great Republic, expressed a desire
+to have the Saviour of his Country sleep by the side of the Founder of
+it&mdash;why, New York acted fairly crazy, and I believe she wuz for a spell.
+Anyway, I believe she had a spazzum.</p>
+
+<p>Her wild demeanor wuz such, her snorts, her oritorys, resounded on every
+side, and wuz heard all over the land. She acted crazy as a loon till
+she got her way.</p>
+
+<p>She promised if she could have the Hero sleep there, she would build a
+monument that would tower up to the skies.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 325px;">
+<img src="images/illus062.png" width="325" height="500"
+alt="She would build a monument that would tower up to the skies."
+title="She would build a monument that would tower up to the skies." />
+<span class="caption">She would build a monument that would tower up to the skies.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>The most stupendious, the most impressive work of art that wuz ever
+wrought by man.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, she got her way. Why, she cut up so, that she had to have it,
+seemin'ly.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span></p>
+<p>Wall, did she do as she agreed? No, indeed.</p>
+
+<p>She had one of her forgetful spells come right on her, a sort of a
+stupor, I guess, a-follerin' on after a bein' too wild and crazy about
+gittin' her way.</p>
+
+<p>And anyway, year after year passed, and no monument wuz raised, not a
+sign of one. She lied, and she didn't seem to care if she had lied.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span></p>
+<p>There the grave of the Great One wuz onmarked by even a decent memorial,
+let alone the great one they said they would raise.</p>
+
+<p>And when the Great Ones of the Old World&mdash;the renowned in Song and Story
+and History&mdash;when they ariv in New York, most their first thoughts wuz
+to visit the Grand Tomb of our Hero&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>The one who their rulers had delighted to honor&mdash;the one who had been
+welcomed in the dazzlin' halls of their Kings. And them halls had felt
+honored to have his shadow rest on 'em as he passed through 'em to
+audiences with royalty.</p>
+
+<p>They journeyed to that tomb. Some on 'em had been used to stand by the
+tombs of their own great dead under the magestic aisles of Westminster
+Abbey, whose lofty glories dwarfs the human form almost to a pigmy.</p>
+
+<p>Some had stood by the white marble poem of the Tag Megal in India,
+wherein a royal soul has carved his love for a woman. If that race, to
+whom we send missionaries to civilize them, could raise such a tomb over
+its dead, and a woman too, who had done no great things,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span> only loved the
+man who raised this incomparable monument over her&mdash;what could they
+expect to find raised by this great and dominant race over the dead form
+of the man who had saved the hull country from ruin?</p>
+
+<p>So with feelin's of awe and wonder in their hearts, expectin' to see
+they knew not what, the awestruck, admirin' foreigner paused before the
+tomb of the Great Leader&mdash;and he see nothin'. Not even a respectable
+grave-stun, such as you see in any New England graveyard. (Or that has
+been the case till very lately. But now things look a little brighter in
+the monument line.)</p>
+
+<p>But it has been a shame, and a burnin' one, so burnin' that it has
+seemed to me that it would take all the cool blue waters that glide
+along below, a-complainin' of the slight and insult to our Hero&mdash;it
+would take more than all these waters to wash it out and make the
+country clean agin.</p>
+
+<p>But she had one of her spells, and whether she wuz well or whether she
+wuz sick, New York lied jest like a dog about it.</p>
+
+<p>Whether she wuz crazy or not, the fact remained that she had bragged,
+and then gin out; had promised, and not performed.</p>
+
+<p>I believe she wuz out of her head.</p>
+
+<p>Then there wuz the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span>same kind of a performance she went through with the
+Goddess of Liberty.</p>
+
+<p>When France had gin that beautiful and most wondeful creeter to us as a
+present, it looked sort o' shabby in New York to not provide a platform
+for that female to stand up on.</p>
+
+<p>Now, didn't it? She a-offerin' to light up the world if she only had a
+place to stand up on&mdash;and the great continent of America not bein'
+willin' to gin it to her.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 433px;">
+<img src="images/illus065.png" width="433" height="500"
+alt="She a-offerin&#39; to light up the world, if she only had a place to stand up on."
+title="She a-offerin&#39; to light up the world, if she only had a place to stand up on." />
+<span class="caption">She a-offerin&#39; to light up the world, if she only had a place to stand up on.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span></p>
+<p>New York talked&mdash;oh, yes, it wuz a-goin' to do great things! Oh, what a
+big, noble door-step it wuz a-layin' out to rize up for that goddess to
+stand on!</p>
+
+<p>But there it wuz, New York had one of her spells agin, lost her
+faculties, forgot all about what she said she wuz a-goin' to do&mdash;and
+left that noble female, left that princely present to lay round in a
+heap, a perfect imposition to France and to human nater.</p>
+
+<p>The idee of a goddess with no place to stand up on! The Great Republic
+a-stretchin' out on each side, and no place for her feet to rest on.</p>
+
+<p>And no knowin' but she would have been a-layin' round to-day, all broke
+up and onjinted, if it hadn't been for a public-sperited newspaper man,
+who took the matter up, and worked at it, and called public attention to
+it, till at last it got a place for the goddess to be histed up on her
+feet, and rest her legs a spell, all crumpled up under her.</p>
+
+<p>The idee of a goddess, and such a goddess, a layin' round with her legs
+all doubled up under her, and all broke up&mdash;the idee!</p>
+
+<p>Then it got the Centenial Exhibition there. And it wuzn't no more than
+right, what it promised and bound itself to do, to make<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span> some triumphal
+arches for the processions to walk under, a-triumphin'.</p>
+
+<p>Why, she vowed and declared solemn that she would make 'em if she could
+have it there.</p>
+
+<p>They wuz goin' to be, accordin' to her tell, accordin' to what New York
+said about it, about the most gorgus and impressive arches that ever wuz
+arched over anybody, fur or near, anywhere.</p>
+
+<p>Now, after it got the exhibition there, did it make 'em? No, indeed.</p>
+
+<p>It had another spell come on, clean forgot all about it. And there the
+Columbian Exposition come and no arch for it to walk under, not a arch,
+only some old boards nailed up, some like a barn door, only higher.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus067.png" width="500" height="297"
+alt="Wooden arch" title="Wooden arch" />
+</div>
+
+<p>Wall, you see these kind o' crazy spells, losin' its faculties every
+once in a while, made it dretful hard for New York.</p>
+
+<p>I believe she would got the World's Fair if it hadn't been for that. But
+the question would keep a-comin' up, and the country had to pay
+attention to it&mdash;what if she got the World's Fair, and then had another
+fit! What if she had another spell come on, and forgot all about it!</p>
+
+<p>And lo! and behold! have the W<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span>orld's Fair sail up and halt in front of
+her and she not have any place for it, and mebby be out of her head so
+she couldn't remember nothin', wouldn't remember who Christopher wuz, or
+anythin'.</p>
+
+<p>No; the hull country felt that it wuz resky, and that, I have always
+spozed, wuz one reason why New York lost it.</p>
+
+<p>And then, as I have said heretofore, Chicago wuz jest bound to have it,
+and she did.</p>
+
+<p>But then, if you'll believe it, jest like any spilte young child that
+cries for another big apple when both its hands are full of 'em&mdash;it
+hadn't no place for it.</p>
+
+<p>It had got the World's Fair, but hadn't got any place to put it. The
+idee!</p>
+
+<p>Jest crazy to have it, cried and yelled, and acted, (metafor) till it
+got it. And then, lo! and behold! where wuz she goin' to put it? Hadn't
+a place big enough, or ready for it.</p>
+
+<p>Of course she had the lake. But she didn't want to drownd it, after
+makin' such a fuss over it; it wouldn't have seemed very horsepitable.
+And she didn't really want to put it out onto a prairie. And she
+couldn't put it right round under her feet, where it would git trampled
+on, and git bruised, and knocked round; th<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span>at wouldn't be a-usin'
+Christopher Columbus as he ort to be used.</p>
+
+<p>And, as I say, she wuz honorable enough to not want to put it in the
+lake.</p>
+
+<p>And so, after worryin' and takin' on, and talkin' month after month
+about it, she concluded to split the Christopher Columbus World's Fair
+into some like this&mdash;put the Christopher part on a stagin' built out
+into the lake, and the Columbus part back a ways into the park.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, I didn't make no objections to it; I thought I wouldn't say a word
+or make a move to break it up, or make their burdens any heavier. No; I
+jest stood still and see it go on.</p>
+
+<p>Only I did talk some out to one side to my Josiah about it, about the
+curiosity of their behavior.</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "It seems as if, after what Columbus done for the country, he ort
+to be kep hull, and not be broke into, and split apart. But howsumever,"
+sez I, "I sha'n't make any move to stop it."</p>
+
+<p>And Josiah sez "he guessed it wouldn't make much difference whether I
+made a move or not. He guessed Chicago could take care of its own
+business, and would do it."</p>
+
+<p>I wuz a-pinnin' the outside onto a comfor<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span>ter, and I had a lot of pins in
+my mouth, but before I put 'em in I sez&mdash;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span></p>
+<p>"Wall, it looks kind o' shiftless to me, to think they hadn't no place
+to put it, after all their actions."</p>
+
+<p>And as I resoomed my work, he went on:</p>
+
+<p>"Now, you imagine how you would feel, Samantha Allen, if you had bought
+a big elephant, bigger than Jumbo, and you knew it wuz on its way here,
+approachin' nearer and nearer&mdash;had got as fur as Old Bobbet's, and we
+hadn't a place to put it in that wuz suitable and strong enough&mdash;we
+couldn't git her head hardly in the stable, we couldn't leave her out
+doors to rampage round and step over barns and knock down housen, and we
+couldn't git it offen our hands any way, kill it, or give it away&mdash;how
+would you feel?"</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus070.png" width="500" height="358" alt="We couldn&#39;t git her head hardly in the stable." title="We couldn&#39;t git her head hardly in the stable." />
+<span class="caption">We couldn't git her head hardly in the stable.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Then I took my pins out of my mouth, and sez&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I wouldn't have bought the elephant till I had measured my barn."</p>
+
+<p>Then I put my pins in my mouth agin, for I thought like as not that I
+wouldn't have to use my tongue agin. I didn't lay out to, for my mouth
+wuz full, and I wuz in a hurry for my comforter.</p>
+
+<p>But Josiah sez, "O shaw! lots of folks buy things they hadn't no idee of
+buyin' till they see somebody else wants 'em bad.</p>
+
+<p>"I remember that is the way I<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span> come to buy that two-year colt; I hadn't a
+idee of wantin' it till I see Old Bobbet and Deacon Sypher jest sot on
+havin' it, and that whetted me right up, and I wuz jest bound to have
+that colt, and did. I didn't expect to find it profitable any of the
+time. I knew it would kick like the old Harry and smash things, and it
+did.</p>
+
+<p>"And that is jest the way with Chicago; she knew the World's Fair wuzn't
+over and above profitable to have round, besides bein' dretful
+bothersome, but she see New York and St. Louis a-dickerin' for it, and
+then she wanted it."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, considerable dry and sharp, for I had three pins in my
+mouth at the time&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"She has got it!"</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez Josiah, "and you'll see that she will put in and work lively,
+now she's got it; she'll show what she can do."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez I, dryer than ever, and more sharper; "before she got a stun
+laid for a foundation to rest the World's Fair on, before she got a
+stick laid for Christopher to plant one of his feet on, she begun to buy
+up hull streets of housen to rig up for saloons, to make men drunk as
+fools, to make murderers and assassins of 'em.</p>
+
+<p>"I w<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span>onder what Columbus would say if he could stand there and see it go
+on."</p>
+
+<p>"He'd probable step in and take a drink," sez Josiah.</p>
+
+<p>"Never," sez I. "The eye that could discover without actual sight, the
+soul that could apprehend without comprehension&mdash;that could look fur off
+into the mist of the onknown, and see a New World risin' up before his
+rapt vision&mdash;such a eye and such a soul didn't depend on bad whiskey for
+its stimulent. No, indeed!</p>
+
+<p>"He didn't lay round in bar-rooms with a red nose, and a stagger onto
+him. He wuz up and about, with his senses all straight, and the star he
+follered wuzn't the light of a corner saloon.</p>
+
+<p>"No, indeed! He see the invisible. He wuz beloved of God, and hearn
+secrets that coarser minds round him never dremp of. He didn't try to
+cloy up them Heavenly senses with whiskey. No, indeed!</p>
+
+<p>"And Isabella now, if that likely creeter could be sot down in front of
+that long street of grog-shops, she would almost be sorry she ever sold
+her jewelry, she would be so sot back by seein' that awful sight."</p>
+
+<p>"O shaw!" sez Josiah, "she didn't sell her jewelry."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span></p>
+<p>"Wall, she wuz willin' to," sez I.</p>
+
+<p>"Id'no as she wuz. She jest talked about it; wimmen must talk or bust
+anyway, they are made so."</p>
+
+<p>"How are men made?" sez I dryly, as dry as ever a corncob wuz, after
+many years.</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, men are made so's they try to answer wimmen some&mdash;they have to;
+they have to keep their hand in so's to not lose their speech on that
+very account. I presume Columbus knew all about such things. He had two
+wives; he knew what trouble wuz."</p>
+
+<p>I see that man wuz a-tryin' every way to draw my attention away offen
+them long streets of saloons built up in Chicago, and I wouldn't suckumb
+to it. So I branched right out, and back agin, and sez I&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"The idee of a civilized city, after eighteen hundred years of
+Christianaty&mdash;the idee of their doin' sunthin' that if savage Africans
+or Inguns wuz a-doin' the World would ring with it, and missionaries
+would start for 'em on the run, or by the carload.</p>
+
+<p>"There is a awful fuss made about a cannibal eatin' a man now and then,
+makin' a good plain stew of him, or a roast, and that is the end of it;
+they eat up his flesh, but they don't make no pretensions to fry up <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span>his
+soul; they leave that free and pure, and it goes right up to Heaven.</p>
+
+<p>"But here in our Christian land, in city and country, this great
+man-eatin' trade costs the country over a billion dollars a year, and
+devours one hundred and twenty thousand men each year, and destroys the
+soul and mind first, before it tackles the body.</p>
+
+<p>"They go as fur ahead of cannibals in this wickedness as eternity is
+longer than time.</p>
+
+<p>"And the Goverment, this great beneficent Goverment, that looks down
+with pity on oncivilized races&mdash;the Goverment of the United States sells
+and rents this man-eater and soul-destroyer at so much a year.</p>
+
+<p>"If I had my way," sez I, a-gittin' madder and madder the more I thought
+on't&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"If I had my way I'd bring over a hull drove of cannibals and
+Hottentots, etc., and let 'em camp round Uncle Sam a spell, and try to
+reform him.</p>
+
+<p>"And the first thing I would have 'em make that old man do would be to
+empty out his pockets, turn 'em right inside out and empty out all the
+accursed gains he had got from this shameful traffic. And then I'd have
+them cannibals jest trot that old man right round to every saloon and
+rum-hole he had rented and wuz a part<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span>ner in the proceeds, and make him
+lay to and empty out every barrel and hogset of whiskey and beer and
+cider, and make him do the luggin' and liftin' his own self.</p>
+
+<p>"And then I'd let them Hottentots drive him round a spell to all the
+houses of infamy in which he wuz in partnership, and I'd make him haul
+some matches out of his pockets and set fire to 'em, and burn 'em all
+down, every one of 'em.</p>
+
+<p>"And then I'd let the old man set down and rest a spell, and let them
+heathens instruct him and teach him a spell their way of man-eatin'. And
+I'll bet after a while they could git the old man up to their level, so
+if he sot out to kill a man, he would jest kill him, and not destroy his
+soul first. For he hain't upon a level with 'em now," sez I, a-lookin'
+firm and decided at my pardner.</p>
+
+<p>And he sez, "I shouldn't think you would dast to talk so about Uncle
+Sam; you have always pretended to like him&mdash;you would never bear to hear
+a word agin him."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "it is because I like him that I want him to do right. Do
+you spoze a mother don't like a child when she spanks him for temper, or
+blisters him for croup, or gives him worm-wood for worms?</p>
+
+<p>"I love that old man, and wish him awful well, and when I see him so
+noble and sot up in lots of things, it jest makes me mad as a hen to
+see him so awful mean and little in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span> others.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 350px;">
+<img src="images/illus076.png" width="350" height="500" alt="&quot;I love that old man, and wish him awful well.&quot;" title="&quot;I love that old man, and wish him awful well.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"I love that old man, and wish him awful well."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"I wouldn't think I liked him half so well if I sot down and see him
+stalk right on to his own ruin, and not try to stop him.</p>
+
+<p>"Do you spoze a ma would set and let the child she loved throw himself
+into the fire because he got mad? No; she would haul him back, and the
+more he kicked and struggled the more she would hang on, and like as not
+spank him.</p>
+
+<p>"I want this country to be the Light of the World, the favored of
+Heaven, and the admiration of all the different nations that will camp
+round it at the Christopher Columbus Exhibition. But they can't be
+expected to uphold no such doin's as these, let alone admirin' of 'em."</p>
+
+
+<p>Sez Josiah, "It beats all how wimmen will run on if a man gits drunk.
+Why don't you pitch into him, instead of blamin' the Goverment?"</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, "If you go to work to move a tree you don't pull on the top
+branches. Of course they are more showy and easy to git holt of. But you
+have to dig the roots out if you want to move the tree."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span></p>
+<p>Josiah looked real indifferent. He hain't like me in lots of things; he
+is more for dabblin' on the surface than divin' down under the water
+for first causes, and he spoke up the minute I had finished my last
+words, and sez he&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Krit and Thomas Jefferson are a-comin' here to dinner; they are goin'
+up to Zoar on business, and are a-goin' to stop as they come back. And I
+should think it wuz about time you got sunthin' started."</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, "The boys a-comin' here to dinner! Why'e&mdash;why didn't you tell
+me so?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>And I got right up and went to makin' a lemon puddin'.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IV" id="CHAPTER_IV"></a>CHAPTER IV.</h2>
+
+
+<p>I knew Thomas J. wuz a-layin' out to go up to Zoar some day that week to
+see about a young chap to stay in his office while he wuz at the World's
+Fair, and it seemed that Krit had gone along for company and for the
+ride.</p>
+
+<p>Them two young fellers love to be together. They are both as smart as
+whips&mdash;the very keenest, snappiest kind of whips.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, I laid out to git a good dinner, that wuz my calm intention; and I
+sent out Josiah Allen to ketch two plump pullets, I a-layin' out to
+stuff 'em with the particular kind of dressin' that Thomas J. is partial
+to. It is a good dressin'.</p>
+
+<p>And then I wuz a-layin' out to have some nice mashed-up potatoes, some
+early sweet peas, some lemon puddin', besides some coffee, jest as
+Thomas J. likes it&mdash;rich, golden coffee, with plenty of cream in it; and
+then besides I wuz goin' to have one or two vegetables that Jo<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span>siah
+liked, and some jellys, etc., that Krit wuz particular fond of. Oh, I
+wuz goin' to have a good dinner, there hain't a doubt of that! Oh, and
+I wuz goin' to have some delicious soup too, to start off the dinner
+with! I got the receipt of Job Pressley's wife and improved on it,
+(though I wouldn't want her to know I said it, she is jealous
+dispositioned.) But I did.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, if you'll believe it, jest as I wuz a-finishin' my dressin',
+addin' the last ingregient to it, and my mind wuz all on a strain to
+have it jest right&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>All of a sudden Josiah Allen rushed in all out of breath, and hollered
+to me for a rope.</p>
+
+<p>"A rope?" sez I, bein' took aback.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, a long, stout rope," sez he, a-standin' still and a-breathin'
+hard. Why, he looked that wild and agitated and wrought up, that the
+idee passed through my mind:</p>
+
+<p>Is that man a-contemplatin' suicide? Does he want to hang himself?</p>
+
+<p>But, as I sez, the idee only jest passed through my fore-top; it didn't
+find any encouragement to stay&mdash;it went through on the trot, as you may
+say.</p>
+
+<p>No, my noble-minded pardner never would commit suicide, I knew. But his
+looks wuz fearful, and I sez, almost tremblin'&mdash;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span></p>
+<p>"What do you want the rope for? I don't know of any rope, only the
+bed-cord up in the old chamber."</p>
+
+<p>At these words, that agitated, skairt man rushed right upstairs, I
+a-follerin' him, summer-savory still in my hands, and fear and tremblin'
+in my mean.</p>
+
+<p>And I see him dash up to the old bedstead in the attick, dash off the
+bedclothes and the feather-bed, and beginnin' oncordin' of it.</p>
+
+<p>I then laid hands on him, and commanded him to desist.</p>
+
+<p>"I won't desist," sez he, "I won't desist."</p>
+
+<p>There wuz I, still a-holdin' him by the back of his frock&mdash;he had on his
+barn clothes.</p>
+
+<p>"Then do you tell your pardner the meanin' of your actions imegetly and
+to once."</p>
+
+<p>"I hain't got time," sez he, and oh! how he wuz onriddlin' that old
+bedstead of the rope; the fuzz fairly flew offen the rope as he yanked
+it through them holes, and twice I wuz hit by it voyalently in my face,
+as I strove to hold him, and elicit some information out of him.</p>
+
+<p>But I could git nothin' but hard breathin' and muttered oathes till the
+bed-cord wuz all onloosened, and then he gathered it over his arm and
+started on the run for the door, I a-follerin'.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span></p>
+<p>And then I see that there stood Old Bobbet, Sime Yerden, Deacon Sypher,
+and, in fact, most all the men in the neighborhood and some beyend it,
+some from the Loontown road, and some from over towards Shackville.
+There wuz more'n twenty of 'em.</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, and I almost fainted as I sez it&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Has another war broke loose, or is it a wild animal from a circus? Tell
+me, oh, tell me what it is!"</p>
+
+<p>And one on 'em hollered, "It is a wild beast in human shape, but he
+won't be a wild beast much longer!"</p>
+
+<p>And he pinted to the rope he had on his arm.</p>
+
+<p>And I see then the fearful meanin' hangin' round that bed-cord. I see
+that others had 'em, and I see that hangin' wuz about to take place and
+ensue. And I besought Josiah Allen "to pause, to stay a little, to tell
+me what it all meant, to not take the law into his own hands."</p>
+
+<p>I poured out words like a flood, I wuz inkoherent in the extreme, and my
+words wuz vain.</p>
+
+<p>But Josiah Allen&mdash;oh, how that man loves me! He darted back, throwed a
+paper at my feet, and hollered&mdash;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span></p>
+<p>"That will explain, Samantha!" And then he wuz gone; I see 'em divide
+into four parties, and go towards the woods, and towards the hills, and
+towards the creek, and towards the beaver medder, each party havin' a
+rope, and I sez solemn like, before I thought&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"May God have mercy on your poor soul!"</p>
+
+<p>I spoze I meant the one they wuz after, and mebby I meant them that wuz
+after him, I don't know; I wuz too inkoherent and wrought up to know
+what I did mean.</p>
+
+<p>But I know I sot down and read that paper as quick as I could find my
+specks. And I well remember that after huntin' high and low for 'em and
+all over the house with tremblin' knees and shaky hands cold as a
+frog's, I found 'em on my own fore-top, and I sot right down in my
+tracts and read.</p>
+
+<p>Well, it wuz enough to melt the heart of a stun, a granit stun, and as I
+sot there and read, the tears jest run down my face in a stream; why,
+they fell so that they wet the front of my gingham dress wet as sop, and
+ontirely onbeknown to me.</p>
+
+<p>But I kep a-thinkin' to myself, "Oh, that poor little creeter! Oh, them
+poor, poor creeters that loved her! Oh, that poor mot<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span>her!" And then anon
+I would say to myself, "Oh, what if it wuz my Tirzah Ann! What if it wuz
+the Babe! Oh, that villian; may the Lord punish him!"</p>
+
+<p>And that is jest the way I sot, and wept, and cried, and cried and wept.</p>
+
+<p>You see, the way it wuz, there wuz a sweet little girl, only ten years
+old, decoyed by a lyin' excuse from her warm, cosey home at midnight by
+a villian, and took through the snowy, icy streets to her doom.</p>
+
+<p>Her little cold body wuz found in an empty old barn, and her destroyer,
+her murderer, had fled. But men wuz on his tracts, the hull country wuz
+roused, and they wuz huntin' him down, as if he wuz a wild animal, as
+indeed he wuz.</p>
+
+<p>But anon, as I read the paper over again, I see these words&mdash;"The man
+was intoxicated."</p>
+
+<p>And then I begun to weep on the other end of my handkerchief (metafor).</p>
+
+<p>And then, when other accounts come out, and the man wuz ketched, he
+swore, and swore solemn, too, that he did not remember one single
+solitary thing after he left that saloon where he got his drink till he
+sobered up and found himself by the side of that little dead body.</p>
+
+<p>And other witnesses swore that they see him drunk as a fool before he
+sot out on his murderous and worse than murderou<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span>s assault.</p>
+
+<p>But from the time of the first tidings that come of the deed that had
+been done&mdash;though the excitement wuz more rampant that I ever knew it to
+be, and every single man in the community wuz out bloodthirsty for his
+death, and every party a-carry-in' a rope to hang him, and every woman
+a-lookin' out eager to see him hung, and all on 'em a-cursin' him, and
+a-weepin' over what he had done&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Durin' all this time, not one word did I hear uttered agin the cause of
+his crime, agin the man who sold him what made him a murderer, and
+worse, or the man that supplied the saloon with this damnable liquid.</p>
+
+<p>No, not a single word did I hear from a Jonesvillian, male or female.
+And not one word from my pardner, though his excitement wuz so extreme
+that that night, jest about dusk, he rushed out thinkin' that he had got
+the murderer, and throwed the rope round Deacon Sypher, who had come
+over to borrow an auger. And once in a similer way he ketched Old
+Bobbet, his excitement and zeal wuz so rampant and intense.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus087.png" width="500" height="399" alt="He rushed out and throwed the rope around Deacon Sypher." title="He rushed out and throwed the rope around Deacon Sypher." />
+<span class="caption">He rushed out and throwed the rope around Deacon Sypher.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Them old men wuz mad as hens, and cause enough they had, though they
+forgive him when they see what a state he wuz in, and they jest about as
+bad themselves.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>But not a word from them, nor from any one did I hear durin' the hull
+time the excitement rained&mdash;and oh! how it did rain&mdash;about the cause of
+the crime.</p>
+
+<p>Not one man waded in and dived down into the deep undercurrent of
+causes, that strange deep that underlays all human actions.</p>
+
+<p>And once durin' the last day's hunt for the murd<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span>erer, who wuz hidin'
+round somewhere&mdash;it wuz spozed in the woods&mdash;I see as I looked out of my
+kitchen winder, at a party headed for our swamp, one man fur more
+ferocious actin' than any I had seen; he wuz a-hollerin' wilder, and he
+carried a fur longer rope.</p>
+
+<p>And I asked my companion who that man wuz that acted madder and fur more
+fiercer than any of the rest and more anxious to git holt of the
+escapin' man, so he could be hung up to once to the highest tree that
+could be found.</p>
+
+<p>I hearn him say that right out of my own kitchen winder&mdash;I hearn him
+say&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"We won't wait for no law; if we only ketch him we will hang him up so
+high that the buzzards can't git him."</p>
+
+<p>And then he yelled out savage and fierce and started off on a run for
+the swamp, the rest of the men applaudin' him up high, and follerin' on
+after him.</p>
+
+<p>And Josiah told me that wuz the saloon-keeper up to Zoar.</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "The very man that sold that poor sinner the licker on that
+night?"</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez Josiah.</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "the rope ort to be used on his own neck."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span></p>
+<p>And Josiah Allen acted awfully horrified at my idee, and asked me "if I
+wuz as crazy as a loon?"</p>
+
+<p>And sez he, "He has been one of the fiercest ones to head him off that
+has been out."</p>
+
+<p>And I sez dryly&mdash;dry as a chip, "He wuzn't so fierce to head him off the
+night he sold him the whiskey and hard cider." Sez I, "That headin' off
+would have amounted to sunthin'."</p>
+
+<p>And agin I sez, "The rope ort to be used on his own neck, if it is on
+anybody's, his and Uncle Sam's."</p>
+
+<p>And agin Josiah Allen asked me, "If I wuz as crazy as a dumb loon and a
+losin' my faculties&mdash;what few of 'em you ever had," sez he.</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, "The two wuz in partnership together, and they got the man to
+do the murder." Sez I, "Most all the murders that are done in this
+country are done by that firm&mdash;the Goverment and the Saloon-keeper. And
+when their poor tools, that they have whetted up for bloodshed, swing
+out through their open doors and cut and slash and mow down their
+ghastly furrows of crime and horrer, who is to blame?"</p>
+
+<p>And Josiah turned over the almanac to the yeller cover and perused it,
+so's to show his perfect and utter indifference and contempt for my
+words.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span></p>
+<p>Wall, they ketched the man a day or two after, about sundown. He had
+been a little ahead of his pursuers, a-dodgin' 'em this way and that
+way, jest like a fox a-dodgin' a pack of hounds.</p>
+
+<p>His old rubber boots wuz all wore offen him, his clothes hangin' in rags
+and tatters where he had rushed through the woods and swamps, his feet
+and hands all froze. Half starved, and almost idiotic with fear and
+remorse and the effects of the poisoned licker and doctored cider he had
+drinked, he wuz the most pitiful and wretched-lookin' object I ever see
+in my hull life.</p>
+
+<p>And it happened he wux took a little over a mile from us, and he wuz
+brung right by our door.</p>
+
+<p>There wuz some officers in the party, so they interfered and kep the mob
+from hangin' him right up by the neck.</p>
+
+<p>They said they had to hold that saloon-keeper to keep his hands offen
+him, and they said that in spite of all he did git the rope round him.</p>
+
+<p>But the officers interfered, and after that they had to hold the
+saloon-keeper to keep him from the prisoner.</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, when Josiah was a-praisin' up the saloon-keeper's zeal, and
+how the officers had to hold him<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>I sez, "It is a pity the officers didn't hold him in the first place,
+and then all the horrer and tragedy might have been saved."</p>
+
+<p>But my pardner wouldn't even notice a thing I said. He felt, I could
+see, that my remarks wuz indeed beneath his notice.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, I stood and see this poor, weak, despairin' victim of rum dragged
+off to a felon's doom, dragged off to the scaffold, and one of his chief
+draggers wuz the one that caused his crime&mdash;caused it accordin' to law.
+And the rest of his draggers wuz the ones who had voted to have the
+trade of murderer makin' and child killin' and villian breedin'
+perpetuated and kep up.</p>
+
+<p>And the Goverment of the United States hung him, the same Goverment that
+wuz in partnership with that saloon up in Zoar, and took part of the pay
+for makin' this man murder that innocent little girl.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, Josiah and me, we went to that funeral. I felt that I must go, and
+so did he; it wuz only about five milds from here, in the Methodist
+Episcopal Meetin'-House up to Zoar.</p>
+
+<p>Her father and mother wuz members in good standin'. Lots of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</a></span>
+Jonesvillians went to the funeral; there hadn't been such a excitement
+in Zoar and Jonesville sence Seth Widrik murdered his wife's mother
+with a broad axe (and that wuz done through whiskey, so they say; it wuz
+done before my time).</p>
+
+<p>The Meetin'-House in Zoar wuz crowded to its utmost capacity and the
+ceilin'. And seats wuz sot in all the aisles, and the pulpit stairs wuz
+full of folks, and the door-steps, and the front yard wuz packed full.
+We went early, and got a seat.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus092.png" width="500" height="350"
+alt="Wall, Josiah and me, we went to that funeral."
+title="Wall, Josiah and me, we went to that funeral." />
+<span class="caption">Wall, Josiah and me, we went to that funeral.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>All the ministers of Zoar, and Jonesville, and Loontown, and S<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</a></span>hackville
+wuz there, and of all the sermons that wuz preached&mdash;wall, it wuz a
+sight. The tears jest run down most everybody's face, and when the
+mourners wuz addressed, why, big, hefty men all round me jest boohooed
+right out. Why, it wuz enough to melt a stun.</p>
+
+<p>Then the preacher depictered that little golden head that had made
+sunshine in her home through the darkest days, as bein' brung low by an
+asassin. Then he spoke of that sweet little silvery voice a-ringin'
+through the home and the hearts of her father and mother, of how it wuz
+lifted up in vain appeal to her slayer that dretful night.</p>
+
+<p>Then he spoke of the tender white arms that clung so lovingly round her
+parent's neck, how they wuz lifted up in frantic appeal and vain to her
+destroyer that bleak night, and wuz now folded up to be lifted no more
+till she met that man at the bar of God. And then the little arm would
+be raised and point him out "murderer." The sweet eyes, full of God's
+avenging wrath, would smite him as accursed from God's presence forever.</p>
+
+<p>And then he depictered it all how she would be taken to His own heart by
+Him "who said that He would carry the lambs in His bosom." And this poor
+wounded lamb, He would hold more tenderly than any ot<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</a></span>her, while the
+murderer! the villian! the asassin! would be hurled downward into
+everlasting burning, where he would dwell forever and forever in the
+midst of unquenchable flames, in partial payment of that deed of hisen.</p>
+
+<p>Why, when he said them last words about the prisoner, folks looked so
+relieved and pleased that their tears almost dried.</p>
+
+<p>And the saloon-keeper, who sot right in front of me, hollered
+out&mdash;"Amen, amen, so mote it be!"</p>
+
+<p>He wuz a Methodist, he had a right to holler. And folks looked approvin'
+at him for it.</p>
+
+<p>But I didn't&mdash;no, fur from it. I kep up a-thinkin' what I read&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"That the prisoner wuz a good-hearted man, only drink made a fiend and a
+fool of him." And that he said solemn "that he did not remember one
+thing that had taken place after he had taken his three first drinks up
+in that saloon, till he sobered up and found himself in that deserted
+old barn, with the little dead body by his side, little delicate
+creeter, dead and frozen, with all of the black future of desperate
+remorse and agony for him a-lookin' at him in the stare of her open blue
+eyes."</p>
+
+<p>Sweet little forget-me-not eyes, like two spring violets frozen in a
+drift of snow. What strange things I read in 'em, with my tears
+a-fallin' fast onto 'em!<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>They seemed full of mute questionin'. They seemed to be lookin' up
+through the blue sky clear up to God's throne. They seemed to almost
+compel a answer from divine justice as to what wuz the cause of her
+murder. To appeal dumbly to the God of Justice and Mercy to wipe out
+this curse from our land&mdash;the curse that wuz causin' jest such murders,
+and jest such agonies, all over our land&mdash;sendin' out to the gallows and
+down to perdition jest such criminals.</p>
+
+<p>The little coffin had to be put out in the yard, as I say, so the crowd
+could walk past it.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</a></span></p>
+<p>And there the little golden head and white face lay for 'em all to see.
+But nobody seemed to see in 'em what I see. For amongst the many curses
+of the murderer that I heard, not one word did I hear about the man that
+caused the murder, about the voters and upholders of that man, about the
+Goverment that wuz in partnership with that man and went shares with
+him, and for the sake of a few cents had dealt out that agony, that
+shame, and that criminality.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus095.png" width="500" height="353"
+alt="Not one word did I hear about the Goverment that wuz in partnership with that man."
+title="Not one word did I hear about the Goverment that wuz in partnership with that man." />
+<span class="caption">Not one word did I hear about the Goverment that wuz in partnership with that man.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Wall, the little coffin wuz closed at last, the mother wuz carried
+faintin', and lookin' like a dead woman, back to her empty, darkened
+home. The father, with a face like white marble, curbin' down his own
+agonized grief so's to take care of her, and try to bring her back to
+the world agin, so they could together face its blackness and emptiness.</p>
+
+<p>And the crowd dispersed, lookin' forward to the excitement of the
+hangin'.</p>
+
+<p>And the saloon-keeper went home and mebby counted over the few cents
+that accrued to him out of the hull enterprise.</p>
+
+<p>And the wise male voters returned, a-calculatin' (mebby) on votin' for
+license so's to improve the condition of their t<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</a></span>owns.</p>
+
+<p>And Uncle Sam, poor, childish old creeter, mebby wrote down aginst this
+hull job&mdash;"three cents revenue." And mebby he rattled them cents round
+in his old pockets. I don't know what he did; I hain't no idee what he
+won't take it into his old head to do.</p>
+
+<p>And the prisoner sot in his dark, cold cell, and didn't appreciate,
+mebby, the wisdom of the wise law-makers increasin' our revenues by such
+means.</p>
+
+<p>No; he had all he could do to set and look at the bare stun walls, and
+figger out this sum&mdash;on one side the three cents profit; and substract
+from it&mdash;a bright young life ended, lifelong agony to the hearts that
+loved her.</p>
+
+<p>His own old mother's and sister's heads and hearts bowed down in shame
+and sorrow.</p>
+
+<p>His own hopeful life cut short at the edge of the scaffold, and for the
+future&mdash;what?</p>
+
+<p>He couldn't quite work that out, for this text kep comin' into his
+sum&mdash;"No drunkard shall inherit eternal life."</p>
+
+<p>And then another text kep a-comin' up&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Cursed is he that putteth the cup to his neighbor's lips."</p>
+
+<p>No, he didn'<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</a></span>t feel the triumphant wisdom of the licker traffic. He
+wouldn't feel like rattlin' the three cents round in his pockets if he
+had 'em, but he didn't have 'em. His sum, no matter how many times he
+figgered it out, stood nothin' but orts, nothin' but clear loss to him,
+here and hereafter.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, I have rode off considerable of a ways with my wagon hitched on in
+front of my horse, and to go back to the horse's head agin.</p>
+
+<p>I had a good dinner by the time the boys got back from Zoar&mdash;a excellent
+one.</p>
+
+<p>And in order to go on with my story, and keep right by that horse's head
+I spoke of, I will pass over Josiah's excitement when he come in jest
+before dinner, and throwed his rope down in the corner of the kitchen;
+but suffice it to say, his excitement wuz nearly rampant.</p>
+
+<p>I will pass over the two boys' indignant anger, which wuz jest the same
+as mine, only stronger, as much stronger as man's strength is stronger
+than a woman's.</p>
+
+<p>Thomas J. had been successful in gittin' the young chap; he wuz a-comin'
+when he wuz wanted. Thomas J. wuzn't goin' to wait till the last minute
+before he engaged him; our son is a wonderful good business
+man&mdash;wonderful.</p>
+
+<p>And everything seemed to bid fair that we should git off with no
+hendrances to the World's Fair, to pay our honor and our respects to
+Christopher Columbus.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>And oh, how I did honor that man! I sot there in my peaceful kitchen
+that afternoon, after the boys had gone away, perfectly satisfied with
+the dinner I had gin 'em.</p>
+
+<p>And when I had got my mind a little offen that poor little girl and her
+poor drunken destroyer, I begun to think agin of Christopher Columbus,
+and what he had done, and what he hadn't done, till I declare for't I
+got fairly lost in thoughts.</p>
+
+<p>I thought of how he had been scorfed at and jerred at for not thinkin'
+as other folks did. And how he kep workin', and hopin', and believin',
+and persistin' in thinkin' that he wuz in the right on't, and kep on a
+lookin' over the wide waste of waters for the New Land.</p>
+
+<p>And I thought to myself how I would enjoy a good visit with Christopher,
+and how he would sympathize with us, who, though we may be scorfed at by
+our pardners, and the world.</p>
+
+<p>Yet can't help a-lookin' off over the troubled waves of unjust laws, and
+cruel old customs, a-tryin' to catch a glimpse of the New and Freer
+Land, that our hopes and our divine intuitions tell us is there beyend
+the shadows, a-waitin' for free men and free wimmen.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</a></span></p>
+<p>Yes, I did feel at that time how conjenial Christopher Columbus would
+have been to me.</p>
+
+<p>As I have said more formally, Christopher wuz sot up in my mind to a
+almost tottlin' hite, on account of several things he did, and several
+things he didn't do.</p>
+
+<p>Yes; Christopher wuz sot up in my mind to a almost tottlin' hite, on
+account of several things he did, and several things he didn't do.</p>
+
+<p>Now, if anybody to-day branches out into any new and beautiful belief
+and practice&mdash;anything that is beyend the vision of more carnal-minded
+people&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Why they raise the cry to once, "Let us cling to common sense. Let us be
+guided by what we see and know. Don't let us float out on any new
+theory. Don't less go out of sight of the Shore of old Practice, and
+Custom."</p>
+
+<p>And lots of times them rare souls to whom the secrets of God are
+revealed&mdash;them who see the High White Ideal lightnin' the Darkness&mdash;the
+glowin' form of a New Truth shinin' out amidst the thick clouds
+overhead&mdash;lots of times they git bewildered and skairt by the mockin'
+voices about them. They drop their eyes before the insultin',
+oncomprehendin' sneers of the mult<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</a></span>itude, and fall into commonplace ways,
+and walks, to please the commonplace people about them. Jest dragged
+down by them Mockers and Scoffers.</p>
+
+<p>Some of 'em mebby united to 'em by links of earth-made metal, Sons of
+God married to the Daughters of men, mebby, and castin' their kingly
+crowns at the feet of a Human Love.</p>
+
+<p>Did Columbus do so? No, indeed. I dare presume to say that the more Miss
+Columbus nagged at him the more sotter he grew in his own views.</p>
+
+<p>(I have used this simely on this occasion on the side of males, but it
+is jest as true on the side of females. For Inspiration and Genius when
+it falls from Heaven is jest as apt to descend and settle down onto a
+female's fore-top as a male's, and the blind and naggin' pardner is jest
+as apt to be a male&mdash;jest exactly.)</p>
+
+<p>But as I wuz a-sayin', the more Columbus wuz mocked at&mdash;the more they
+jeered and sneered at him, the more stiddy and constant he pursued after
+the Land that appeared only to his prophetic eyes.</p>
+
+<p>Day after day, when he wuz tired out, beat completely out by the
+incomprehension, and weary doubts, and empty denials of the
+multitude&mdash;then, like a breath of balm, came to his weary forward the
+soft gale from the land he sought; he saw in his own mind t<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</a></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</a></span>he tall pines
+reach up into the blue skies, the rich bloom and greenness of its
+Savannas; he inhaled the odor of rare blossoms that the Old World
+never saw, and then he riz up agin, refreshed, as it were, and ready to
+press forwards.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 368px;">
+<img src="images/illus102.png" width="368" height="500"
+alt="He saw in his own mind the tall pines reach up into the blue skies."
+title="He saw in his own mind the tall pines reach up into the blue skies." />
+<span class="caption">He saw in his own mind the tall pines reach up into the blue skies.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Yes, in every country, through all time, there has always been some
+Columbus, walkin' with his feet on the ground amongst mortals, and his
+head in the Heavens amongst Gods.</p>
+
+<p>He has oftenest been poor, and always misunderstood, and undervalued, by
+the grosser souls about him.</p>
+
+<p>The discoverers, the inventors, whom God loves best, it must be, sence
+He confides in 'em, and tells 'em things He keeps hid from the World.
+Them who apprehend while yet they cannot comprehend.</p>
+
+<p>And that is what we have got to do lots of times if we git along any in
+this World, if we calculate to git out of its Swamps and Morasses onto
+any considerable rise of ground.</p>
+
+<p>You can't foller a ground-mice or a snail, if you lay out to elevate
+yourself; no, you must foller a Star.</p>
+
+<p>You have got to keep your eyes up above the ground, or your feet will
+never take you up any mountain side.</p>
+
+<p>And how them mariners tried to make Columbus turn back a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</a></span>fter he had at
+last, through all his tribulations, sot sail on the broad, treacherous
+Ocean&mdash;jest think of his tribulations before he started!</p>
+
+<p>Troubles with poverty, and ignorance, and unbelief, and perils by foes,
+and perils by false friends, and perils by long delay.</p>
+
+<p>How for years and years he carried round them strong beliefs of hisen,
+ofttimes in a hungry and faint body, and couldn't git nobody to believe
+in 'em&mdash;couldn't git nobody to even hear about 'em.</p>
+
+<p>Year after year did he toil and endeavor to git somebody to listen to
+his plans, and glowin' hopes.</p>
+
+<p>Year after year, while the lines deepened on his patient face, and the
+hopes that wuz glowin' and eager became deep and fervent, and a part of
+him.</p>
+
+<p>How strange, how strange and sort o' pitiful, this one man out of a
+world full of men and wimmen, this one man with his tired feet on the
+dust and worn sand of the Old World, and his head and heart in the New
+World.</p>
+
+<p>No one else of the world full of men and wimmen to believe as he did&mdash;no
+one else to be even willin' to hear him talk about his dreams, his
+hopes, and impassioned beliefs.</p>
+
+<p>No; and I don't know but Columbus would have dropped right down in his
+tracts, and we wou<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</a></span>ldn't have been discovered to this day, if a woman
+hadn't stepped in, and gin the seal of her earnest trust to the ideal of
+the ambitious man.</p>
+
+<p>He a-willin' to plough the new path into the ontried fields, she a-bein'
+willin' to hold the plough, as you may say, or, at all events, to help
+him in every way in her power&mdash;with all her womanly faith, and all her
+ear-rings, and breast-pins, etc., etc.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 449px;">
+<img src="images/illus106.png" width="449" height="500"
+alt="With all her womanly faith, and all her ear-rings and breast-pins, etc., etc."
+title="With all her womanly faith, and all her ear-rings and breast-pins, etc., etc." />
+<span class="caption">With all her womanly faith, and all her ear-rings and breast-pins, etc., etc.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>She, a female woman, out of all that world full of folks, she it wuz
+alone that stood out boldly the friend of Columbus and Discovery.</p>
+
+<p>"Male and female created He them." Another deep instance of that great
+truth in life and in nature, and in all matters relatin' to the good of
+the world. "Male and female created He them."</p>
+
+<p>The world will find it out after awhile, and so will Dr. Buckley.</p>
+
+<p>Ferdinand wuz a good creeter&mdash;or that is, middlin' good; but his
+eye-sight wuzn't such as would see down clear through the truth of
+Columbuses theory.</p>
+
+<p>And if folks set out to blame Ferdinand too much, let 'em pause and
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</a></span>
+think what the World would say and do if a man should appear in our
+streets to-day, and say that he believed that he had proof that there
+wuz a vast, beautiful country a-layin' in the skies to the west of us
+beyend the clouds of the sunset, and he wanted to git money to build a
+air-ship to sail out to it.
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>How much money would he git? How much stock would he sell in that
+enterprise? How many men would he git to sail out with him on that
+voyage of Discovery? What would Vanderbilt and Russell Sage say to it?</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 353px;">
+<img src="images/illus107.png" width="353" height="500"
+alt="What would Russell Sage say?" title="What would Russell Sage say?" />
+<span class="caption">What would Russell Sage say?</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Why, they would say that the man wuz a fool, and that the only way to
+travel wuz on iron rails or steamships. They would say that there wuzn't
+any such land as he depictered. That it existed only in his crazy brain.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, it wuz jest about as wild a idee that Ferdinand had to listen to;
+I d'no that he wuz any more to blame than they would be for not hearin'
+to it.</p>
+
+<p>But Isabelle, she wuz built different. There wuz some divine atmosphere
+of Truth and Reality about this idee that reached her heart and mind.
+Her soul and mind bein' made in jest the right way to be touched by it.</p>
+
+<p>She, too, wuz built on jest the right plan so she could apprehend what
+she could not yet comprehend. So she gin him her cordial sympathy, and
+also, as I said, her ear-rings, etc.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[Pg 97]</a></span></p>
+<p>But after the years and years that he toiled and labored for the means
+to carry out his idees&mdash;after these long years of effort and hardship,
+and disappointments and delays&mdash;after his first vain efforts&mdash;after he
+did at last git launched out on the Ocean a-sailin' out on the broad,
+empty waste in search of sunthin' that he see only in his mind's eye&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>How the storms beat on him&mdash;how the winds and waves buffeted him, and
+tried to drive him back&mdash;but&mdash;"No, no, he wuz bound for the New Land! he
+wuz bound for the West!"</p>
+
+<p>How the sailors riz up and plead with him and begged him to turn
+back&mdash;but "No," sez he, "I go to the New Land!"</p>
+
+<p>Then they would tell him that there wuzn't any such Land, and stick to
+it right up and down, and jeer at him.</p>
+
+<p>Did it turn him round&mdash;"No! I sail onward," sez he, "I go to the West!"</p>
+
+<p>Then the principalities and powers of the onseen World seemed to take it
+in hand and tried to drive him back. There wuz signs and omens seen that
+wuz reckoned disastrous, and threatened destruction.</p>
+
+<p>Mebby the souls of them who had passed over from t<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[Pg 98]</a></span>he New Land, mebby
+them disembodied faithful shades wuz a-tryin' to save their free sunny
+huntin' grounds from the hands of the invader, and their race from the
+fate that threatened 'em&mdash;mebby they hurled onseen tommyhawks, and
+shrieked down at 'em, tryin' to turn 'em back&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Mebby they did, and then agin mebby they didn't.</p>
+
+<p>But anyway, there wuz lurid lightin' flashes that looked like flights of
+fiery arrows aimed at the heads of the Spanish seamen, and shriekin's of
+the tempest amidst the sails overhead that sounded like cries of anger,
+and distress, and warnin'.</p>
+
+<p>Did Columbus heed them fearful warnin's and turn back? No; dauntless and
+brave, a-facin' dangers onseen, as well as seen, he sez&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I sail onward!"</p>
+
+<p>And so he did, and he sailed, and he sailed&mdash;and mebby his own brave
+heart grew sick and faint with lookin' on the trackless waste of waters
+round him, and no shore in sight for days, and for days, and for days.</p>
+
+<p>But if it did, he give no signs of it&mdash;"I sail onward!" he sez.</p>
+
+<p>And finally the lookout way up on the dizzy mast see a light way off on
+the horizon, and then the night came down dark, and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[Pg 99]</a></span>when the sun wuz riz
+up&mdash;lo! right before 'em lay the shores of the New World. And the Man's
+and the Woman's belief wuz proved true&mdash;and the gainsayin' World wuz
+proved wrong. Success had come to 'em.</p>
+
+<p>And after the doubt, and the danger, and the despair, and the
+discouragement had all been endured&mdash;after the ideal had been made real,
+why then it wuz considered quite easy to discover a New World.</p>
+
+<p>It wuzn't considered very hard. Why, all you had to do wuz to sail on
+till you come to it.</p>
+
+<p>After a thing is done it is easy enough.</p>
+
+<p>Nowadays we are sot down before as great conundrums as Columbus wuz. The
+Old World groans under old abuses, and wrongs, and injustices. The old
+paths are dusty and worn with the feet of them who have marked its rocks
+and chokin' sands with their bleedin' feet, as they toiled on over 'em
+bearin' their crosses.</p>
+
+<p>Dark clouds hang heavy over their paths&mdash;the atmosphere is chokin' and
+stiflin'.</p>
+
+<p>Fur off, fresh and fair, lays the New Land of our ideal. The realm of
+peace, and justice to all, of temperance, and sanity, and love and joy.</p>
+
+<p>Fur off, fur off, we hear the melodious swash of its waves on its green
+banks&mdash;we see fur off the gleam of its white, glory-lit mountain-tops.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[Pg 100]</a></span></p>
+<p>Men have gin their strength and their lives for this ideal, this vision
+of glory and freedom.</p>
+
+<p>Wimmen have took their jewels from their bosom, and gin 'em to this
+cause of Human Right. Gin 'em with breakin' hearts, and white lips that
+tried to smile, as the last kiss of lover and son, husband and brother,
+rested on 'em.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, men and wimmen both have seen that Ideal Land, that New Land of
+Liberty and Love. They have apprehended it with finer senses than
+comprehension&mdash;have seen it with the clearer light of the soul's eyes.</p>
+
+<p>Some green boughs from its high palms have been washed out on the
+swellin' waves that lay between us and that Land, and floated to our
+feet. Sometimes, when the air wuz very still and hushed, and a Presence
+seemed broodin' on the rapt listnin' earth, we have looked fur, fur up
+into the clear depths of blue above us, and we have ketched the distant
+glimpse of birds of strange plumage onknown to this Old World. Fur off,
+fur off their silvery wings have floated, a-comin' from the West, from
+the land that lays beyend the sunset's golden glory.</p>
+
+<p>Some of the light of that New Country has shone on us in inspired eyes,
+some of its strange language has been hearn by u<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[Pg 101]</a></span>s from inspired lips.</p>
+
+<p>But oh! the wide, pathless sea that lays between us and that land of
+full Fruition and Glory and Freedom.</p>
+
+<p>Shall we set down on the shores of our Old World, and give up the hope
+and glory of the New? Shall we listen to the jeers and sneers of them
+that tell us that there hain't any such country as that we look
+for&mdash;that it is impossible, that it is aginst all the laws of
+Nater&mdash;that it don't exist, and never can, only in our crazed brains?</p>
+
+<p>No, we will man the boat, though the waves dash high, and the skies are
+dark&mdash;we will man and woman the life-boat&mdash;side by side will the two
+great forces stand, the Motherhood and the Fatherhood, Love and Justice,
+the hope and strength of Humanity shall stand at the hellum. The wind is
+a-comin' up; it is only a light breeze now, but it shall rise to a
+strong power that shall waft us on to the New Land of Justice and Purity
+and Liberty&mdash;for all that our souls long for.</p>
+
+<p>But we have got to shet our eyes to the outward world that presses round
+us closter than the streets of Genoa did round Columbus. We have got to
+see things invisible, trust in things t<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[Pg 102]</a></span>o come&mdash;sail onwards through the
+doubts, and the darkness, and the dangers round us, not heeding the
+jeers and sneers of a gainsayin' world.</p>
+
+<p>Will we be discouraged and drove back by the powers of darkness? by the
+things seen and the things onseen?</p>
+
+<p>No, the man and the woman side by side will sail on through them rough
+waves. The wind is a-comin' up fresh and free that shall spread the
+sails and waft the life-boat into the Land of Promise.</p>
+
+<p>For the word is sure, and He says&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I will bring you out into a great place."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[Pg 103]</a></span></p>
+<p>But I am a-eppisodin', and a-eppisodin' to a length and depth almost
+onpresidented and onheard on&mdash;and to resoom, and go on.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_V" id="CHAPTER_V"></a>CHAPTER V.</h2>
+
+
+<p>Hain't it curious how tellin' over a thing will bring back all of the
+circumstances a-surroundin' of it round&mdash;bring 'em all up fresh to you.</p>
+
+<p>I wuz a-tellin' Krit about that Equinomical Counsel that wuz held to
+Washington, D.C. And though I hain't no hand and never wuz to find one
+word of fault with my dear companion to outsiders, still, as he wuz all
+in the family, I did say that his Uncle wuz at one time very anxious to
+go to it.</p>
+
+<p>And after Krit went away&mdash;he had come over from Tirzah Ann's that day,
+and staid to supper with us&mdash;I sot there alone, for Josiah had took him
+back in the democrat, and all the circumstances of that time come back
+onto me agin.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz on a Monday that I had my worst trial with him about that
+Equinomical Counsel, as I remember well. And though I didn't tell<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[Pg 104]</a></span> Krit
+any of my worst tribulations with him, still, oh, how vivid they did
+come back to me, as I sot there alone, and a-seamin' two and two!</p>
+
+<p>As I say, it wuz on a Monday morning. The two children had invited their
+Pa and me to visit a good deal durin' the week before, and I had got
+kind a behindhand with my work.</p>
+
+<p>And then I had felt so kinder mauger for a few days, that Josiah
+insisted that I should git a young girl in the neighborhood to help me
+for a few days, Philury and Ury bein' away on a visit to some relations.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, that day I had washin', bakin', churnin', and some fruit cake to
+make.</p>
+
+<p>It fairly made me ache to think on't, the numbers and amounts of the
+work that pressed onto me, and nobody but that young girl to help me.
+And she that took up with her bo, Almanzo Hagidone, that she wuz in a
+forgitful state more'n half the time, and liable to carry a armful of
+wood meant for the kitchen stove into the parlor, and put it end first
+onto the what-not, or pump water into Josiah's hat instead of the
+water-pail.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 406px;">
+<img src="images/illus116.png" width="406" height="500"
+alt="Putting water into Josiah&#39;s hat" title="Putting water into Josiah&#39;s hat" />
+</div>
+
+<p>I tried to instil some common sense into her head, but her hair wuz
+bound up that tight with curl papers that nothin' could git past that
+ambuscade, so it would seem, but jest the image and the idee of Almanzo
+Hagidone.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[Pg 105]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Wall, I kep her pretty much in the wood-shed, when she wuz in her worst
+stages, where there wuzn't much besides the old cook-stove and wash-tubs
+that she could graze aginst and fall over.</p>
+
+<p>I dast as well die as to trust her with vittles, for I felt that them
+wuz vital pints, and must not be meddled with by loonaticks or idiots,
+and with them two ranks I had to stand Mary Ann Spink in her most
+love-sick spazzums.</p>
+
+<p>So I sot her to rubbin' onto Josiah's shirts, and I took my bowl of
+raisins and English currants and things into the kitchen and sot down
+calmly to pickin' 'em over and choppin' 'em.</p>
+
+<p>My fruit cake is good, though I say it that ort not to; it is widely
+known and admired.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, I sot there middlin' calm, and a-hummin' over a sam tune loud
+enough so's Mary Ann could hear it; and I hummed it, too, in a strictly
+moral way, and for a pattern; it was this:</p>
+
+<p>
+"Put not your trust in mortal man,<br />
+Set not your hopes on him," etc., etc., etc.<br />
+</p>
+
+<p>And I see I wuz impressin' of her, for<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[Pg 106]</a></span> I could hear after a while from
+the wood-shed that she too had broke forth in song, and she was a-jinin'
+in, low and dretful impressive, with&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Hark from the tombs a mournful sound."</p>
+
+<p>I don't think she meant my singin'&mdash;Josiah did when we talked it over
+afterwards.</p>
+
+<p>He believed it firm.</p>
+
+<p>I believe I wuz a-moralizin' of her, and should have done good if I
+hadn't been broke in on.</p>
+
+<p>But all of a sudden Josiah Allen fairly bust into the house, all wrought
+up, and fearful excited.</p>
+
+<p>He had been a-talkin' with Deacon Henzy out by the gate, and I spoze
+Deacon Henzy had disseminated some new news to him. But anyway he wuz
+crazy with a wild and startlin' idee.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus117.png" width="500" height="446" alt="A-talkin&#39; with Deacon Henzy." title="A-talkin&#39; with Deacon Henzy" />
+<span class="caption">A-talkin&#39; with Deacon Henzy.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>He wanted to set off to once to the Equinomical Counsel, which he said
+wuz a-goin' to be held by the male Methodists in Washington, D.C. And,
+sez he&mdash;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[Pg 107]</a></span></p>
+<p>"Samantha, git my fine shirt and my best necktie to once, for I want to
+start on the noon train."</p>
+
+<p>"What for?" sez I coldly; for I discourage his wild projects all I can.</p>
+
+<p>I have to act like a heavy weight in a clock movin' half the time, or he
+would be jest swept to and frow like a pendulum. It makes me feel queer.</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "What are you a-layin' out to set off for Washington, D.C., for?"</p>
+
+<p>My tone kinder hung on to him, and stiddied him down some. And he lost
+some of his wild and excited mean. And he stopped onbuttonin' his
+vest&mdash;he had onbuttoned his shirt-collar and took his old necktie off on
+his way from the gate&mdash;so ardent and impulsive is my dear pardner, and
+so anxious to start.</p>
+
+<p>"Why," sez he, "I told you, didn't I? I am goin' to Washington to tend
+to that Equinomical Counsel. Five hundred male men are a-goin' to git
+together to counsel together on the best ways of bein' equinomical. And
+here at last"&mdash;sez he proudly&mdash;"here at last is the chance I have always
+been a-lookin' out for. Here is the opportunity for me to show off, and
+be somebody."</p>
+
+<p>And here he begun agin to onbutton his shirt-sleeves and loosen his
+collar.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[Pg 108]</a></span></p>
+<p>But I sez slowly and firmly, and as much like a heavy weight as I
+could&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"It is three hours to train time. Set down and act like a human bein'
+and a Methodist, and tell me what it is you want to do."</p>
+
+<p>He glanced up at the clock onto the mantlery-piece, and he see I wuz
+right about the time. And he sot down, and sez he&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"That is jest how I want to act, like a Methodist, and a equinomical
+counsellor."</p>
+
+<p>"What for?" sez I. "What do you want to do?"</p>
+
+<p>"Why, to teach 'em," sez he. "To show myself off. To counsel 'em."</p>
+
+<p>"To counsel 'em about what?" sez I heavily, bein' bound to come to the
+bottom of the matter, and the sense on't, if sense there wuz in it.</p>
+
+<p>"Why," sez he, "they are havin' a counsel there to see if there are any
+new ways for men and Methodists to be equinomical. And I'll be dumned if
+there is a man or a Methodist from Maine to Florida that can counsel 'em
+better about bein' equinomical than I can.</p>
+
+<p>"Why, you have always said so," sez he. "You have called it tightness,
+but I have always known that it wuz pure economy; and now," sez he, "has
+come the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[Pg 109]</a></span>chance of a lifetime, for me to rise up and show myself off
+before the nation. To git the high, lofty name that I ort to have, and
+do good."</p>
+
+<p>I dropped my choppin' knife out of my hand, and rested my elbow on the
+table, and leaned my head on my hand in deep thought.</p>
+
+<p>I see he had more sense on his side than I thought he had. I recollected
+the different and various ways in which he had showed his equinomical
+tightness sence our married life begun, and I trembled for the result.</p>
+
+<p>I ruminated over our early married life, and how, in spite of his words
+of almost impassioned tenderness and onwillingness for me to harm and
+strain myself by approachin' the political pole&mdash;still how he had let me
+wrestle with weighty hop-poles and draw water out of a deep well with a
+cistern pole for more'n fourteen years.</p>
+
+<p>I remembered how he had nearly flooded out his own precious and valuable
+insides at Saratoga by his wild efforts to git the full worth of the
+five cents he had advanced to the Spring-tender.</p>
+
+<p>I remembered the widder's mite, how he had interpreted that scriptural
+incident about that noble female&mdash;as interpreters will, to suit their
+own idees as males&mdash;and how I had argued with him in vain on the mite,
+and his onscriptural and equinomical views.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[Pg 110]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>I felt that he had a strong and powerful case; and though I could not
+brook the idee of his goin', still I thought that I must be as wise as a
+serpent and as harmless as a turkle-dove, to git the victory over him.</p>
+
+<p>He see by the fluckuations of color on my usially calm cheek, and by the
+pensive and thoughtful look in my two gray orbs, that I felt the
+strength and powerfulness of his cause.</p>
+
+<p>And as he mused, he begun in joyous and triumphant axents to bring up
+before me some of his latest and most striking instances of equinomical
+tightness.</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, "Do you remember the case of Sy Biddlecomb, and them green
+pumpkins of mine, how I&mdash;" But I interrupted his almost fervid
+eloquence, and sez I, with my right hand extended in a real eloquent
+wave,</p>
+
+<p>"Pause, Josiah Allen, and less consider and weigh things in the
+balances. Go not too fast, less disapintment attend your efforts, and
+mortification wrops you in its mantilly.</p>
+
+<p>"Your equinomical ways, Josiah Allen," sez I, "it seems to me ort to
+rize y<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[Pg 111]</a></span>ou up above every other man on the face of the globe, and make a
+lion of you of the first magnitude, even a roarin' African lion, as it
+were."</p>
+
+<p>He looked proud and happy, and I proceeded.</p>
+
+<p>"But pause for one moment," sez I, in tender, cautious axents, "and
+think of the power, the tremendious econimy of the males you are
+a-tryin' to emulate and outdo. Think of how they have dealt with the
+cause of wimmen's liberty for the past few years, and tremble. How dast
+you, one weak man, though highly versed in the ways of equinomical
+tightness&mdash;how dast you to try and set up and be anybody amid that
+host?"</p>
+
+<p>He looked skairt. He see what he wuz a-doin' plainer than he had seen
+it, and I went on:</p>
+
+<p>"Think of that big Methodist Conference in New York a few years ago that
+Casper Keeler told us about&mdash;think how equinomical they wuz with their
+dealin's with wimmen on that occasion, and ever sence.</p>
+
+<p>"The wimmen full of good doin's and alms deeds, who make up two thirds
+of the church, who raise the minister's salary, run the missionary and
+temperance societies, teach the Sabbath schools, etc., etc., etc.&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Who give the best of their lives and thoughts to the meetin<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[Pg 112]</a></span>'-house from
+the time they sell button-hole bokays at church fairs in pantalettes,
+till they hand in their widder's mite with tremblin' fingers wrinkled
+with age&mdash;think of this econimy in not givin' in, not givin' a mite of
+justice and right to the hull caboodle of such wimmen throughout the
+length and breadth of the country, and then think where would your very
+closest and tightest counsel of econimy stand by the side of this
+econimy of right, and manliness, and honor, and common sense."</p>
+
+<p>He quailed. His head sunk on his breast. He knew, tight as he had always
+been, there wuz a height of tightness he had never scaled. He knew he
+couldn't show off at that Equinomical Counsel by the side of them
+instances I had brung up, and to deepen the impression I had made, which
+is always the effort of the great oriter, I resoomed:</p>
+
+<p>"Think of how they keep up their econimy of justice, and right, and
+common sense, so afraid to use a speck of 'em, especially the common
+sense. Think of how they refused to let wimmen set down meekly in a
+humble pew, and say 'Yea' in a still small voice as a delegate, so
+'fraid that it wuz outstrippin' wimmen's proper spear&mdash;when these very
+ministers have been proud to open their very biggest meetin'-housen to
+wimmen, and let 'em teach 'em to be eloquent&mdash;let wimmen speak words of
+help and wisdom from their highest pulpits.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[Pg 113]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"Think of this instance of their equinomical doin's," sez I, "and
+tremble. And," sez I, still more impressively and eloquently, "what is
+pumpkins by the side of that?"</p>
+
+<p>His head sunk down lower, and lower. He wuz dumbfoundered to think he
+had been outdone in his most vital parts, his most tightest ways. He
+felt truly that even if they would listen to his equinomical counsels,
+they didn't need 'em.</p>
+
+<p>He looked pitiful and meek, and sot demute for a couple of minutes. I
+see that I had convinced him about the Equinomical Counsel; he see that
+it wouldn't do, and he wouldn't make no more show than a underlin'.</p>
+
+<p>But anon, or about that time, he spoke out in pitiful axents&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Samantha, if I can't show off any at the Equinomical Counsel, I'd love
+to see them male law-makers a-settin' in the Capitol at Washington,
+D.C. I'd love to mingle with 'em, Samantha. You know, and I know, too,
+that I am one of 'em. Wuzn't I chose arbitrator in Seth Meezik's quarrel
+with his father-in-law? Hain't I sot on juries in the past, and hain't I
+liable to set?</p>
+
+<p>"I want to see them male law-makers, Samantha. I want to be intimate
+with 'em."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[Pg 114]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>I almost trembled. I can withstand my pardner's angry or excited moods,
+but here I see pleadin' and longin'; I see I had a hard job in front of
+me. I hate to dissapint him. I hate to, like a dog. But duty nerved me,
+and I sez&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Josiah, less talk it over before you decide to go. Less bring up some
+of the laws them males have made, or allow to go on.</p>
+
+<p>"I want to talk to you about 'em, Josiah," sez I, "before I let you
+depart to be intimate with 'em." Sez I, "Do you remember the old adage,
+a dog is known by the company he keeps? Before you go to be one of them
+dogs, Josiah Allen, and be known as one of 'em, less recall some of the
+lawful incidents of a few months back." Sez I, "We won't raise our
+skirts and wade back into history to any great depth, and hove out a
+large quantity of 'em, but will keep in the shaller water of a few short
+fleetin' months, and pick up one or two of the innumerable number of
+'em; and then, if you want to go, why&mdash;" sez I, in the tremblin' axents
+of fond affection&mdash;"why, I will pack your saddle-bags."</p>
+
+<p>Then I went on calmly and brung up a few laws and laid 'em down before
+him.</p>
+
+<p>I brung up the Indians doin's, the Mormons, the Chinese, all on 'em
+flagrant.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[Pg 115]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>But still he had that longin' look on his face.</p>
+
+<p>Then I brung up the rotten political doin's, the unjust laws prevailin'
+in regard to female wimmen, and also the onrighteousness of the liquor
+laws and the abomination of the license question; I talked powerful and
+eloquent on them awful themes, but as I paused a minute for needed
+breath, he murmured&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I want to be intimate with 'em, Samantha."</p>
+
+<p>And then, bein' almost at my wits' end, I dropped the general
+miscellaneous way I had used, and begun to bring up little separate
+instances of the injustices of the Law. And I see he begun to be
+impressed.</p>
+
+<p>How true it is that, from the Bible down to Josiah Allen's Wife, you
+have to talk in stories in order to impress the masses! You have to hold
+up the hammer of a personal incident to drive home the nail of Truth and
+have it clench and hold fast.</p>
+
+<p>But mine wuz some different&mdash;mine wuz facts, every one of 'em.</p>
+
+<p>I could have brung them to that man and laid 'em down in front of him
+from that time, almost half past ten a.m., and kep stiddy at it till ten
+p.m., and then not know that I had took any from the heap, so high and
+lofty is the stack of injustices and wrongs committed in the name of the
+Law and shielded by its mantilly.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[Pg 116]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>But I had only brung up two, jest two of 'em; not the most flagrant
+ones either, but the first ones that come into my mind, jest as it is
+when you go to a pile of potatoes to git some for dinner, you take the
+first ones you come to, knowin' there is fur bigger ones in the pile.</p>
+
+<p>But them potatoes smashed up with cream and butter are jest as
+satisfyin' as if they wuz bigger.</p>
+
+<p>So these little truthful incidents laid down in front of my pardner
+convinced him; so they wuz jest as good for me to use as if I had picked
+out bigger and more flagranter ones.</p>
+
+<p>I first brung up before him the case of the good little Christian
+school-teacher who had toiled for years at her hard work and laid up a
+little money, and finally married a sick young feller more'n half out of
+pity, for he hadn't a cent of money, and had the consumption, and took
+good care of him till he died.</p>
+
+<p>And wantin' to humor him, she let him make his will, though he didn't so
+much as own the sheet of paper he wrote on, or the ink or the pen.</p>
+
+<p>And after his death she found he had willed away their onborn child, and
+when it wuz a few months old, and her love h<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[Pg 117]</a></span>ad sent out its strong
+shoots, and wropped the little life completely round, his brother she
+had never seen come on from his distant home and took that baby right
+out of its mother's arms, and bore it off, accordin' to law.</p>
+
+<p>I looked curiously at him as I concluded this true tale, but he murmured
+almost mechanically&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I want to mingle with 'em, Samantha; I feel that I want to be intimate
+with 'em."</p>
+
+<p>But his axent wuz weak, weak as a cat, and I felt that my efforts wuz
+not bein' throwed away. So I hurriedly laid holt of another true
+incident that I thought on, and hauled it up in front of him.</p>
+
+<p>"Think of the case of the pretty Chinese girl of twelve years&mdash;jest the
+age of our Tirzah Ann, when you used to be a-holdin' her on your knee,
+and learnin' her the Sunday-school lesson, and both on us a-kissin' her,
+and a-brushin' back her hair from her sweet May-day face, and a-pettin'
+her, and a-holdin' her safe in our heart of hearts.</p>
+
+<p>"Jest think of that little girl bein' sold for a slave by her rich male
+father, and brought to San Francisco, the home of the brave and the
+free, and there put into a place which she thought wuz fur worse than
+the bottomless pit&mdash;for that she considered wuz jest clean brimstone,
+and despair, and vapory demons.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[Pg 118]</a></span></p>
+<p>"But this child, with five or six other wimmen, wuz put into a sickenin'
+den polluted with every crime, and subject to the brutal passions of a
+crowd of live, dirty human devils.</p>
+
+<p>"And when, half dead from her dreadful life, she ran away at the peril
+of her life, and wuz taken in by a charitable woman, and nursed back to
+life and sanity agin.</p>
+
+<p>"The law took that baby out of that safe refuge, and give her back into
+the hands of her brutal master&mdash;took her back, knowin' the life she
+would be compelled to lead.</p>
+
+<p>"Think if it wuz our Tirzah Ann, Josiah Allen!"</p>
+
+<p>"Dum the dum fools!" sez he, a chokin' some, and then he pulled out his
+bandanna handkerchief and busted right out a-cryin' onto it.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 376px;">
+<img src="images/illus129.png" width="376" height="500"
+alt="&quot;Dum &#39;em, I say!&quot;" title="&quot;Dum &#39;em, I say!&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"Dum 'em, I say!"</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"Dum 'em, I say!" sez he, out of its red and yeller depths. "I'd love to
+skin the hull on 'em, Judge and Jury."</p>
+
+<p>And I sez meanin'ly, "Now, do you want to go and be intimate with them
+law-makers, Josiah Allen?"</p>
+
+<p>"No," sez he, a-wipin' his eyes and a-lookin' mad, "no, I don't! I want
+sunthin' to eat!"</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[Pg 119]</a></span></p>
+<p>And I riz up imegatly, and got a good dinner&mdash;a extra good one. And he
+never said another word about goin' to Washington, D.C.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VI" id="CHAPTER_VI"></a>CHAPTER VI.</h2>
+
+
+<p>There wuz sights and sights of talk in Jonesville and the adjacent and
+surroundin' world about the World's Fair bein' open on Sundays.</p>
+
+<p>There wuz sights and sights of fightin' back and forth about the rights
+and the wrongs of it.</p>
+
+<p>And there wuz some talk about the saloons bein' open too, bein' open
+week days and Sundays.</p>
+
+<p>But, of course, there wuzn't so much talk about that; it seemed to be
+all settled from the very first on't that the saloons wuz a-goin' to be
+open the hull of the time&mdash;that they must be.</p>
+
+<p>Why, it seemed to be understood that drunkards had to be made and kep
+up; murderers, and asassins, and thieves, and robbers, and law-breakers
+of every kind, and fighters, and wife-beaters, and arsons, and rapiners,
+and child-killers had to be made. That wuz neccessary, and considered so
+from the first. For if this trade wuz to stop for even one day out of
+the seven, w<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[Pg 120]</a></span>hy, where would be the crimes and casualities, the cuttin's
+up and actin's, the murders and the suicides, to fill up the Sunday
+papers with?</p>
+
+<p>And to keep the police courts full and a-runnin' over with business, and
+the prisons, and jails, and reformatorys full of victims, and the
+morgues full of dead bodies.</p>
+
+<p>No; the saloons had to be open Sundays; that wuz considered as almost a
+settled thing from the very first on't.</p>
+
+<p>Why, the nation must have considered it one of the neccessarys, or it
+wouldn't have gone into partnership with 'em, and took part of the pay.</p>
+
+<p>But there wuz a great and almost impassioned fight a-goin' on about
+havin' the World's Fair, the broad gallerys of art and beauty, bein'
+open to the public Sunday.</p>
+
+<p>Lots of Christian men and wimmen come right out and said, swore right up
+and down that if Christopher Columbus let folks come to his doin's on
+Sunday they wouldn't go to it at all.</p>
+
+<p>I spoze mebby they thought that this would skare Christopher and make
+him gin up his doin's, or ruther the ones that wuz a-representin' him to
+Chicago.</p>
+
+<p>They did talk fearfully skareful, and calculated<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 121]</a></span> to skare any man that
+hadn't went through with what Christopher had. They said that ruther
+than have the young people who would be gathered there from the four
+ends of the earth&mdash;ruther than have these innocent young creeters
+contaminated by walkin' through them rooms and lookin' at them wonders
+of nature and art, why, they had ruther not have any Fair at all.</p>
+
+<p>Why, I read sights and sights about it, and hearn powerful talk, and
+immense quantities of it.</p>
+
+<p>And one night I hearn the most masterly and convincin' arguments brung
+up on both sides&mdash;arguments calculated to make a bystander wobble first
+one way and then the other, with the strength and power of 'em.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz at a church social held to Miss Lums, and a number of us had got
+there early, and this subject wuz debated on before the minister got
+there.</p>
+
+<p>Deacon Henzy wuz the one who give utterance to the views I have
+promulgated.</p>
+
+<p>He said right out plain, "That no matter how keen the slight would be
+felt, he shouldn't attend to it if it wuz open Sunday." He said "that
+the country would be ruined if it took place."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez Miss Cornelius Cork, "you are right, Deacon Henzy. I wouldn't
+have <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[Pg 122]</a></span>Cornelius Jr. go to Chicago if the Fair is open Sundays, not for a
+world full of gold. For," sez she, "I feel as if it would be the ruin of
+him."</p>
+
+<p>And then sister Arvilly Lanfear (she is always on the contrary side),
+sez she&mdash;"Why?"</p>
+
+<p>"Why?" sez Miss Cork. "You ask why? You a woman and a perfessor?"</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez Arvilly&mdash;"why?"</p>
+
+<p>Sez Miss Cork, "It would take away all his reverence for the Sabbath,
+and the God who appointed that holy day of rest. His morals would be all
+broke up, and he would be a ruined boy. I expect that he will be there
+two months&mdash;that would make eight days of worldliness and wickedness;
+and I feel that long enough before the eighth day had come his
+principles would be underminded, and his morals all tottered and broke
+down."</p>
+
+<p>"Why?" sez Arvilly. "There hain't any wickedness a-goin' on to the Fair
+as I know of; it is a goin' to be full and overflowin' of object lessons
+a teachin' of the greatness and the glory of the Lord of Heaven, and the
+might and power of the human intellect. Wonders of Heaven, and wonders
+of earth, and I don't see how they would be apt to ruin and break down
+anybody's morals a-contemplatin' 'em&mdash;not if they wuz sound when they
+begun.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[Pg 123]</a></span></p>
+<p>"It seems to me it would make 'em have ten times the reverence they had
+before&mdash;reverence and awe and worshipful love for the One, the great
+and loving mind that had thought out all these marvels of beauty and
+grandeur and spread 'em out for His children's happiness and
+instruction."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, yes," sez Miss Cork. "On week days it is a exaltin' and upliftin'
+and dreadful religious sight; but on Sundays it is a crime to even think
+on it. Sundays should be kep pure and holy and riz up, and I wouldn't
+have Cornelius desecrate himself and the Sabbath by goin' to the Fair
+not for a world full of gold."</p>
+
+<p>"Where would he go Sundays while he wuz in Chicago if he didn't go
+there?" sez Arville.</p>
+
+<p>She is real cuttin' sometimes, Arville is, but then Miss Cork loves to
+put on Arville, and twit her of her single state, and kinder act
+high-headed and throw Cornelius in her face, and act.</p>
+
+<p>Sez Arville&mdash;"Where would Cornelius Jr. go if he didn't go to the Fair?"</p>
+
+<p>Cornelius Jr. drinks awful and is onstiddy, and Miss Cork hemmed and
+hawed, and finally said, in kind of a meachin' way&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Why, to meetin', of course."</p>
+
+<p>He hadn't been in a meetin'-house for two years, and we<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[Pg 124]</a></span> all knew it,
+and Miss Cork knew that we knew it&mdash;hence the meach.</p>
+
+<p>"He don't go to meetin' here to Jonesville," sez Arville.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus134.png" width="500" height="414"
+alt="&quot;He don&#39;t go to meetin&#39; here.&quot;"
+title="&quot;He don&#39;t go to meetin&#39; here.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"He don't go to meetin' here."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>It wuz real mean in her, but I spoze it wuz to pay Miss Cork off for her
+aggravatin'.</p>
+
+<p>And she went on, "I live right acrost the road from Fasset's saloon, and
+I see him and more'n a dozen other Jonesvillians there most every
+Sunday.</p>
+
+<p>"Goin' to Chicago hain't a-goin' to born a man agin, and change all
+their habits and ways to once, and I believe if Cornelius Jr. didn't go
+to the Fair he would go to worse places."</p>
+
+<p>"Well," sez Miss Cornelius Cork, "if he did, I wouldn't have to bear the
+sin. I feel that it is my duty to lift my voice and my strength aginst
+the Sunday openin' of the Fair, and even if the boys did go to worse
+places, my conscience would be clear; the sin wouldn't rest on my head."</p>
+
+<p>Sez Arville, "That is the very way I have heard wimmen talk who burned
+up their boys' cards, and checker-boards, and story-books, and drove
+their children away from home to find amusement.</p>
+
+<p>"They<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[Pg 125]</a></span> wanted the boys to set down and read the Bible and sam books year
+in and year out, but they wouldn't do it, for there wuz times when the
+young blood in 'em riz up and clamered for recreation and amusement,
+and seein' that they couldn't git it at home, under the fosterin' care
+of their father and mother, why, they looked for it elsewhere, and found
+it in low saloons and bar-rooms, amongst wicked and depraved companions.
+And then, when their boys turned out gamblers and drunkards, they would
+say that their consciences wuz clear.</p>
+
+<p>"But," says Arville, "that hain't the way the Lord done. He used Sundays
+and week days to tell stories to the multitude, to amuse 'em, draw 'em
+by the silken cord of fancy towards the true and the right, draw 'em
+away from the bad towards the good. And if I had ten boys&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"Which you hain't no ways likely to have," says Miss Cork; "no, indeed,
+you hain't."</p>
+
+<p>"No, thank Heaven! there hain't no chance on't. But if I had ten boys I
+would ruther have 'em wanderin' through them beautiful halls, full of
+the wonders of the world which the Lord made and give to His children
+for their amusement and comfort&mdash;I would ruther have 'em there than to
+have 'em help swell a congregation of country loafers i<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[Pg 126]</a></span>n a city
+saloon&mdash;learnin' in one day more lessons in the height and depth of
+depravity than years of country livin' would teach 'em.</p>
+
+<p>"These places, and worse ones, legalized places of devils' pastime, will
+lure and beckon the raw youth of the country. They will flaunt their
+gaudy attractions on every side, and appeal to every sense but the sense
+of decency.</p>
+
+<p>"And I would feel fur safer about the hull ten of 'em, if I knew they
+wuz safe in the art galleries, full of beauty and sublimity, drawin'
+their minds and hearts insensibly and in spite of themselves upward and
+onward, or lookin' at the glory and wonders of practical and mechanical
+beauty&mdash;the beauty of use and invention.</p>
+
+<p>"After walkin' through a buildin' forty-five acres big, and some more of
+'em about as roomy, I should be pretty sure that they wouldn't git out
+of it in time to go any great lengths in sin that day; and they would be
+apt to be too fagged out and dead tired to foller on after Satan any
+great distance."</p>
+
+<p>"Well," says Miss Snyder, "I d'no but I should feel safer about my Jim
+and John to have 'em there in the Fair buildin's than runnin' loose in
+the streets of Chicago. They won't go to meetin' every Sunday, and I
+can't make 'em; and if they do go, they will go in the mornin' late, and
+git out as soon as the Amen is said.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[Pg 127]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"My boys are as good as the average&mdash;full as good; but I know when they
+hain't got anything to do, and git with other boys, they will cut up and
+act."</p>
+
+<p>"Well," says Miss Cornelius Cork, "I know that my Cornelius will never
+disgrace himself or me by any low acts."</p>
+
+<p>She wuz tellin' a big story, for Cornelius Jr. had been carried home
+more'n once too drunk to walk, besides other mean acts that wuz worse;
+so we didn't say anything, but we all looked queer; and Arville kinder
+sniffed, and turned up her nose, and nudged Miss Snyder. But Miss Cork
+kep right on&mdash;she is real high-headed and conceited, Miss Cork is.</p>
+
+<p>And, sez she, "Much as I want to see the Fair, and much as I want
+Cornelius and Cornelius Jr. to go to it, and the rest of the country, I
+would ruther not have it take place at all than to have it open
+Sundays."</p>
+
+<p>"And I feel jest so," sez Miss Henzy.</p>
+
+<p>Then young Lihu Widrig spoke up. He is old Elihu Widrig's only son, and
+he has been off to college, and is home on a vacation.</p>
+
+<p>He is dretful deep learnt, has studied Greek and lots of other languages
+that are dead, and some that are most dead.</p>
+
+<p>He spoke up, and sez he:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[Pg 128]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"What is this Sabbath, anyway?"</p>
+
+<p>We didn't any of us like that, and we showed we didn't by our means. We
+didn't want any of his new-fangled idees, and we looked high-headed at
+him and riz up.</p>
+
+<p>But he kep right on, bein' determined to have his say.</p>
+
+<p>"You can foller the Sabbath we keep right back, straight as a string, to
+planet worship. Before old Babylon ever riz up at all, to say nothin' of
+fallin', the dwellers in the Euphrates Valley kep a Sabbath. They spozed
+there wuz seven planets, and one day wuz give to each of them. And
+Saturday, the old Jewish Sabbath, wuz given to Saturn, cruel as ever he
+could be if the ur in his name wuz changed to e. In those days it wuz
+not forbidden to work in that day, but supposed to be unlucky.</p>
+
+<p>"Some as Ma regards Friday."</p>
+
+<p>It wuz known that Miss Widrig wouldn't begin a mite of work Fridays, not
+even hemin' a towel or settin' up a sock or mitten.</p>
+
+<p>And, sez he, "When we come down through history to the Hebrews, we find
+it a part of the Mosaic law, the Ten Commandments.</p>
+
+<p>"In<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[Pg 129]</a></span> the second book of the Bible we find the reason given for keeping
+the Sabbath is, the Lord rested on that day. In the fifth book we find
+the reason given is the keeping of a memorial for the deliverance out
+of Egypt.</p>
+
+<p>"Now this commandment only forbids working on that day; no matter what
+else you do, you are obeying the fourth commandment. According to that
+command, you could go to the World's Fair, or wherever you had a mind
+to, if you did not work.</p>
+
+<p>"The Puritan Sabbath wuz a very different one from that observed by
+Moses and the Prophets, which wuz mainly a day of rest."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall, I know," sez Miss Yerden, "that the only right way to keep the
+Sabbath is jest as we do, go to meetin' and Sunday-school, and do jest
+as we do."</p>
+
+<p>Sez Lihu, "Maybe the people to whom the law wuz delivered didn't
+understand its meaning so well as we do to-day, after the lapse of so
+many centuries, so well as you do, Miss Yerden."</p>
+
+<p>We all looked coldly at Lihu; we didn't approve of his talk. But Miss
+Yerden looked tickled, she is so blind in her own conceit, and Lihu
+spoke so polite to her, she thought he considered her word as goin'
+beyend the Bible.</p>
+
+<p>Then Lophemia Pegrum spoke up, and sez she&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Don't you believe in keeping the Sabbath, Lih<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[Pg 130]</a></span>u?"</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, indeed, I do," sez he, firm and decided. "I do believe in it with
+all my heart. It is a blessed break in the hard creakin' roll of the
+wheel of Labor, a needed rest&mdash;needed in every way for tired and
+worn-out brain and muscle, soul and body; but I believe in telling the
+truth," sez he.</p>
+
+<p>He always wuz a very truthful boy&mdash;born so, we spoze. Almost too
+truthful at times, his ma used to think. She used to have to whip him
+time and agin for bringin' out secret things before company, such as
+borrowed dishes, and runnin's of other females, and such.</p>
+
+<p>So we wuz obliged to listen to his remarks with a certain amount of
+respect, for we knew that he meant every word that he said, and we knew
+that he had studied deep into ancient history, no matter how much
+mistook we felt that he wuz.</p>
+
+<p>But Miss Yerden spoke up, and sez she&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I don't care whether it is true or not. I have always said, and always
+will say, that if any belief goes aginst the Bible, I had ruther believe
+in the Bible than in the truth any time."</p>
+
+<p>And more than half of us wimmen agreed with her<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[Pg 131]</a></span>.</p>
+
+<p>You see, so many reverent, and holy, and divine thoughts and memories
+clustered round that book, that we didn't love to have 'em disturbed. It
+wuz like havin' somebody take a spade and dig up the voyalets and lilies
+on the grave of the nearest and dearest, to try to prove sunthin' or
+ruther.</p>
+
+<p>We feel in such circumstances that we had ruther be mistook than to have
+them sweet posies disturbed and desecrated.</p>
+
+<p>Holy words of counsel, and reproof, and consolation delivered from the
+Most High to His saints and prophets&mdash;words that are whispered over our
+cradles, and whose truth enters our lives with our mother's milk; that
+sustains us and helps us to bear the hard toils and burdens of the day
+of life, and that go with us through the Valley and the Shadow&mdash;the only
+revelation we have of God's will to man, the written testimony of His
+love and compassion, and the only map in which we trace our titles clear
+to a heavenly inheritance.</p>
+
+<p>If errors and mistakes have crept in through the weaknesses of me<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[Pg 132]</a></span>n, or
+if the pages have become blotted by the dust of time, we hated to have
+'em brung out and looked too clost into&mdash;we hated to, like a dog.</p>
+
+<p>So we, most all of us, had a fellow feelin' for Miss Yerden, and looked
+approvin' at her.</p>
+
+<p>And Lihu, seein' we looked cold at him, and bein' sensitive, and havin'
+a hard cold, he said "he guessed he would go over to the drug-store and
+git some hoarhoun candy for his cough."</p>
+
+<p>So he went out. And then Miss Cork spoke up, and sez she&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"How it would look in the eyes of the other nations to have us a
+breakin' Sundays after keepin' 'em pure and holy for all these years."</p>
+
+<p>"Pure and holy!" sez Arvilly. "Why, jest look right here in the country,
+and see the way the Sabbath is desecrated. Saturday nights and Sundays
+is the very time for the devil's high jinks. More whiskey and beer and
+hard cider is consumed Saturday nights and Sundays than durin' all the
+rest of the week.</p>
+
+<p>"Why, right in my neighborhood a man who makes cider brandy carrys off
+hull barrels of it most every Saturday, so's to have it ready for Sunday
+consumption.</p>
+
+<p>"The saloons are crowded that day, and blac<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[Pg 133]</a></span>k eyes, and bruised bodies,
+and sodden intellects, and achin' hearts are more frequent Sundays than
+any other day of the week, and you know it.</p>
+
+<p>"And after standin' all this desecration calmly for year after year, and
+votin' to uphold it, it don't look consistent to flare up and be so
+dretful afraid of desecratin' the Sabbath by havin' a place of
+education, greater than the world has ever seen or ever will see agin,
+open on the Sabbath for the youth of the land."</p>
+
+<p>"But the nation," sez Miss Henzy, in a skareful voice. "This nation must
+keep up its glorious reputation before the other countries of the world.
+How will it look to 'em to have our Goverment permit such Sunday
+desecration? This is a national affair, and we should not be willin' to
+have our glorious nation do anything to lower itself in the eyes of the
+assembled and envious world."</p>
+
+<p>Sez Arville, "If our nation can countenance such doin's as I have spoke
+of, the man-killin' and brute-makin', all day Sundays, and not only
+permit it, but go into pardnership with it, and take part of the pay&mdash;if
+it can do this Sundays, year after year, without bein' ashamed before
+the other nations, I guess it will stand it to have the Fair open."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[Pg 134]</a></span></p>
+<p>"But," says Miss Bobbet, "even if it is better for the youth of the
+country, and I d'no but it will be, it will have a bad look to the
+other nations, as Sister Henzy sez&mdash;it will look bad."</p>
+
+<p>Says Arville, "That is what Miss Balcomb said about her Ned when she
+wouldn't let him play games to home; she said she didn't care so much
+about it herself, but thought the neighbors would blame her; and Ned got
+to goin' away from home for amusement, and is now a low gambler and
+loafer. I wonder whether she would ruther have kep her boy safe, or made
+the neighbors easy in their minds.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus146.png" width="500" height="390"
+alt="&quot;She wouldn&#39;t let her Ned play games at home.&quot;"
+title="&quot;She wouldn&#39;t let her Ned play games at home.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"She wouldn't let her Ned play games at home."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"And now the neighbors talk as bad agin when they see him a-reelin' by.
+She might have known folks would talk anyway&mdash;if they can't run folks
+for doin' things they will run 'em for not doin' 'em&mdash;they'll talk every
+time."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, and don't you forgit it," sez Bub Lum.</p>
+
+<p>But nobody minded Bub, and Miss Cork begun agin on another tact.</p>
+
+<p>"See t<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[Pg 135]</a></span>he Sabbath labor it will cause, the great expenditure of strength
+and labor, to have all them stupendious buildin's open on the Sabbath.
+The onseemly and deafnin' noise and clatter of the machinery, and the
+toil of the men that it will take to run and take care of all the
+departments, and the labor of the poor men who will have to carry
+guests back and forth all day."</p>
+
+<p>"I d'no," sez Arville, "whether it will take so much more work or not;
+it is most of it run by water-power and electricity, and water keeps on
+a-runnin' all day Sunday as well as week days.</p>
+
+<p>"Your mill-dam don't stop, Miss Cork, because it is Sunday."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[Pg 136]</a></span></p>
+<p>Miss Cork's house stands right by the dam, and you can't hear yourself
+speak there hardly, so it wuz what you might expect, to have her object
+specially to noise.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Cork kinder tosted her head and drawed down her upper lip in a real
+contemptious way, and Arvilly went on and resoomed:</p>
+
+<p>"And electricity keeps on somewhere a-actin' and behavin'; it don't stop
+Sundays. I have seen worse thunder-storms Sundays, it does seem to me,
+than I ever see week days. And when old Mom Nater sets such a show
+a-goin' Sundays, you have got to tend it, whether you think it is wicked
+or not.</p>
+
+<p>"And as for the work of carryin' folks back and forth to it,
+meetin'-housen have to run by work&mdash;hard work, too. Preachin', and
+singin', and ringin' bells, and openin' doors, and lightin' gas, and
+usherin' folks in, and etc., etc., etc.</p>
+
+<p>"And horse-cars and steam-cars have to run to and frow; conductors, and
+brakemen, and firemen, and engineers, and etc., etc.</p>
+
+<p>"And horses have to be harnessed and worked hard, and coachmen, and
+drivers, and men and wimmen have to work hard Sundays. Yes, indeed.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[Pg 137]</a></span></p>
+<p>"Now, my sister-in-law, Jane Lanfear, works harder Sundays than any day
+out of the seven. They take a place with thirty cows on it, and she and
+Jim, bein' ambitious, do almost all the work themselves.</p>
+
+<p>"Every Sunday mornin' Jane gets up, and she and Jim goes out and milks
+fifteen cows apiece, and then Jim drives them off to pasture and comes
+back and harnesses up and carries the milk three miles to a cheese
+factory, and comes back and does the other out-door chores.</p>
+
+<p>"And Jane gets breakfast, and gets up the three little children, and
+washes 'em and dresses 'em, and feeds the little ones to the table. And
+after breakfast she does up all her work, washes her dishes and the
+immense milk-cans, sweeps, cleans lamps and stoves, makes beds, etcetry,
+and feeds the chickens, and ducks, and turkeys. And by that time
+it is nine o'clock. Then she hurries round and washes and combs the
+three children, curls the hair of the twin girls, and then gets herself
+into her best clothes, and by that time she is so beat out that she is
+ready to drop down.</p>
+
+<p>"But she don't; she lifts the children into the democrat, climbs her own
+weary form in after 'em, and takes the youn<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[Pg 138]</a></span>gest one in her lap. And Jim,
+havin' by this time got through with his work and toiled into his best
+suit, they drive off, a colt follerin' 'em, and Jim havin' to get out
+more'n a dozen times to head it right, and makin' Jane wild with
+anxiety, for it is a likely colt.</p>
+
+<p>"Wall, they go four milds and a half to the meetin'-house&mdash;there hain't
+no Free-well Baptist nearer to 'em, and they are strong in the belief,
+and awful sot on that's bein' the only right way. So they go to
+class-meetin' first, and both talk for quite a length of time; they are
+quite gifted, and are called so. And then they set up straight through
+the sermon, and that Free-well Baptist preaches more'n a hour, hot or
+cold weather, and then they both teach a large class of children, and
+what with takin' care of the three restless children, and their own
+weariness on the start, they are both beat out before they start for
+home. And Jane has a blindin' headache.</p>
+
+<p>"But she must keep up, for she has got to git the three babies home
+safe, and then there is dinner to get, and the dishes to wash, and the
+housework, and the out-door work to tend to, and what with her headache,
+and her tired-out nerves and body, and the work and care of the babies,
+Jane is cross as a bear&mdash;snaps everybody up<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[Pg 139]</a></span>, sets a bad pattern before
+her children and Jim&mdash;and, in fact, don't get over it and hain't good
+for anything before the middle of the week.</p>
+
+<p>"The day of rest is the hardest day of the week for her.</p>
+
+<p>"But she told me last night&mdash;she come in to get my bask pattern, she is
+anxious to get her parmetty dress done for the World's Fair&mdash;but she
+said that she shouldn't go if it wuz open Sunday, for her mind wuz so
+sot on havin' the Sabbath kep strict as a day of rest.</p>
+
+<p>"Now I believe in goin' to meetin' as much as anybody, and always have
+been regular. But I say Jane hain't consistent." (They don't agree.)</p>
+
+<p>Arvilly stopped here a minute for needed breath. Good land! I should
+have thought she would; and Lophemia Pegrum spoke up&mdash;she is a dretful
+pretty girl, but very sentimental and romantic, and talks out of poetry
+books. Sez she:</p>
+
+<p>"Another thought: Nature works all the Sabbath day. Flowers bloom, their
+sweet perfume wafts abroad, bees gather the honey from their fragrant
+blossoms, the dews fall, the clouds sail on, the sun lights and warms
+the World, the grass grows, the grain ripens, the fruit gathers the
+sunshine in its golden and rosy globes, the birds sing, the trees<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[Pg 140]</a></span>
+rustle, the wind blows, the stars rise and set, the tide comes in and
+goes out, the waves wash the beach, and carries the great ships to
+their havens&mdash;in fact, Nature keeps her World's Fair open every day of
+the week just alike."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez Miss Eben Sanders&mdash;she is always on the side of the last
+speaker&mdash;she hain't to be depended on, in argument. But she speaks quite
+well, and is a middlin' good woman, and kind-hearted. Sez she&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Look at the poor people who work hard all the week and who can't spend
+the time week days to go to this immense educational school.</p>
+
+<p>"Them who have to work hard and steady every working day to keep bread
+in the hands of their families, to keep starvation away from themselves
+and children&mdash;clerks, seamstresses, mechanics, milliners, typewriters,
+workers in factories, and shops, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc.</p>
+
+<p>"Children of toil, who bend their weary frames over their toilsome,
+oncongenial labor all the week, with the wolves of Cold and Hunger
+a-prowlin' round 'em, ready to devour them and their children if they
+stop their labor for one day out of the six&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Think what it would be for these tire<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[Pg 141]</a></span>d-out, beauty-starved white slaves
+to have one day out of the seven to feast their eyes and their hungry
+souls on the <i>best</i> of the World.</p>
+
+<p>"What an outlook it would give their work-blinded eyes! What a blessed
+change it would make in all their dull, narrow, cramped lives! While
+their hands wuz full of work, their quickened fancy would live over
+again the too brief hours they spent in communion with the World's
+best&mdash;the gathered beauty and greatness and glory of the earth. Whatever
+their toil and weariness, they <i>had</i> lived for a few hours, their eyes
+<i>had</i> beheld the glory of God in His works."</p>
+
+<p>Miss Cork yawned very deep here, and Miss Sanders blushed and stopped.
+They hain't on speakin' terms. Caused by hens.</p>
+
+<p>And then Miss Cork sez severely&mdash;a not noticin' Miss Sanders speech at
+all, but a-goin' back to Arvilly's&mdash;she loves to dispute with her, she
+loves to dearly&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"You forgot to mention when you wuz talkin' about Sabbath work connected
+with church-goin' that it wuz to worship God, and it wuz therefore
+right&mdash;no matter how wearisome it wuz, it wuz perfectly right."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall, I d'no," sez Arvilly&mdash;"I d'no but what some of t<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[Pg 142]</a></span>he beautiful
+pictures and wonderful works of Art and Nature that will be exhibited at
+the World's Fair would be as upliftin' and inspirin' to me as some of
+the sermons I hear Sundays. Specially when Brother Ridley gits to
+talkin' on the Jews, and the old Egyptians.</p>
+
+<p>"It stands to reason that if I could see Pharo's mummy it would bring me
+nearer to him, and them plagues and that wickedness of hisen, than
+Brother Ridley's sermon could.</p>
+
+<p>"And when I looked at a piece of the olive tree under which our Saviour
+sot while He wuz a-weepin' over Jeruesalem or see a wonderful picture of
+the crucifixion or the ascension, wrought by hands that the Lord Himself
+held while they wuz painted&mdash;I believe it would bring Him plainer before
+me than Brother Ridley could, specially when he is tizickey, and can't
+speak loud.</p>
+
+<p>"Why, our Lord Himself wuz took to do more than once by the Pharisees,
+and told He wuz breakin' the Sabbath. And He said that the Sabbath wuz
+made for man, and not man for the Sabbath.</p>
+
+<p>"And He said, 'Consider the Lilies'&mdash;that is, consider the Lord, and
+behold Him in the works of His hands.</p>
+
+<p>"Brother Ridley is good, no doubt, and it is right to go<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[Pg 143]</a></span> and hear him&mdash;I
+hain't disputed that&mdash;but when he tries to bring our thoughts to the
+Lord, he has to do it through his own work, his writin', which he did
+himself with a steel pen. And I d'no as it is takin' the idees of the
+Lord so much at first hand as it is to study the lesson of the Lilies He
+made, and which He loved and admired and told us to consider.</p>
+
+<p>"The World's Fair is full of all the beauty He made, more wonderful and
+more beautiful than the lilies, and I d'no as it is wrong to consider
+'em Sundays or week days."</p>
+
+<p>"But," sez Miss Yerden, "don't you know what the Bible sez&mdash;'Forget not
+the assemblin' of yourselves together'?"</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 239px;">
+<img src="images/illus154.png" width="239" height="500"
+alt="Bub Lum." title="Bub Lum." />
+<span class="caption">Bub Lum.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"Well," piped up Bub Lum, aged fourteen, and a perfect imp&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I guess that if the Fair is open Sundays, folks that are there won't
+complain about there not bein' folks enough assembled together. I guess
+they won't complain on't&mdash;no, indeed!"</p>
+
+<p>But nobody paid any attention to Bub, and Arvilly continued&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I believe in usin' some common sense right along, week days and Sundays
+too. It stands to reason that the Lord wouldn't gin us common sense if
+He didn't want us to use it.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[Pg 144]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"We don't need dyin' grace while we are a livin', and so with other
+things. There will be meetin'-housen left and ministers in 1894, most
+likely, and we can attend to 'em right along as long as we live.</p>
+
+<p>"But this great new open Book of Revelations, full of God's power and
+grace, and the wonderful story of what He has done for us sence He
+wakened the soul of His servant, Columbus, and sent him over the
+troubled ocean to carry His name into the wilderness, and the strength
+and the might He has given to us sence as a nation&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"This great object lesson, full of the sperit of prophecy and
+accomplishment, won't be here but a few short months.</p>
+
+<p>"And I believe if there could be another chapter added to the Bible this
+week, and we could have the Lord's will writ out concernin' it, I
+believe it would read&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"'Go to that Fair. Study its wonderful lessons with awe and reverence.
+Go week days if you can, and if you can't, go Sundays. And you rich
+people, who have art galleries of your own to wander through Sundays,
+and gardens and greenhouses f<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[Pg 145]</a></span>ull of beauty and sweetness, and the
+means to seek out loveliness through the world, and who don't need the
+soul refreshment these things give&mdash;don't you by any Pharisaical law
+deprive my poor of their part in the feast I have spread for both rich
+and poor.'"</p>
+
+<p>Sez Miss Cork, "I wouldn't dast to talk in that way, Arville. To add or
+diminish one word of skripter is to bring an awful penalty."</p>
+
+<p>"I hain't a-goin' to add or diminish," says Arville. "I hain't thought
+on't. I am merely statin' what, in my opinion, would be the Lord's will
+on the subject."</p>
+
+<p>But right here the schoolmaster struck in. He is a very likely young
+man&mdash;smart as a whip, and does well by the school, and makes a stiddy
+practice of mindin' his own business and behavin'.</p>
+
+<p>He is a great favorite and quite good-lookin', and some say that he and
+Lophemia Pegrum are engaged; but it hain't known for certain.</p>
+
+<p>He spoke up, and sez he, "There is one great thing to think of when we
+talk on this matter. There is so much to be said on both sides of this
+subject that it is almost impossible to shut your eyes to the advantages
+and the disadvantages on both sides.</p>
+
+<p>"But,"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[Pg 146]</a></span> sez he, "if this nation closes the Fair Sundays, it will be a
+great object lesson to the youth of this nation and the world at large
+of the sanctity and regard we have for our Puritan Sabbath&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Of our determination to not have it turned into a day of amusement, as
+it is in some European countries.</p>
+
+<p>"It would be something like painting up the Ten Commandments and the
+Lord's Prayer in gold letters on the blue sky above, so that all who run
+may read, of the regard we have for the day of rest that God appointed.
+The regard we have for things spiritual, onseen&mdash;our conflicts and
+victories for conscience' sake&mdash;the priceless heritage for which our
+Pilgrim Fathers braved the onknown sea and wilderness, and our
+forefathers fought and bled for."</p>
+
+<p>"They fit for Liberty!" sez Arville. She would have the last word. "And
+this country, in the name of Religion, has whipped Quakers, and
+Baptists, and hung witches&mdash;and no knowin' what it will do agin. And I
+think," sez she, "that it would look better now both from the under and
+upper side&mdash;both on earth and in Heaven&mdash;to close them murderous and
+damnable saloons, that <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[Pg 147]</a></span>are drawin' men to visible and open ruin all
+round us on every side, than to take such great pains to impress onseen
+things onto strangers."</p>
+
+<p>She would have the last word&mdash;she wuz bound to.</p>
+
+<p>And the schoolmaster, bein' real polite, though he had a look as if he
+wuzn't convinced, yet he bowed kinder genteel to Arvilly, as much as to
+say, "I will not dispute any further with you." And then he got up and
+went over and sot down by Lophemia Pegrum.</p>
+
+<p>And I see there wuz no prospect of their different minds a-comin' any
+nearer together.</p>
+
+<p>And I'll be hanged if I could wonder at it. Why, I myself see things so
+plain on both sides that I would convince myself time and agin both
+ways.</p>
+
+<p>I would be jest as firm as a rock for hours at a time that it would be
+the only right thing to do, to shet up the Fair Sundays&mdash;shet it up jest
+as tight as it could be shet.</p>
+
+<p>And then agin, I would argue in my own mind, back and forth, and
+convince myself (ontirely onbeknown to me) that it would be the means of
+doin' more good to the young folks and the poor to have it open.</p>
+
+<p>Why, I had a fearful time, time and agin,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[Pg 148]</a></span> a-arguin' and a-disputin'
+with myself, and a-carryin' metafors back and forth, and a-eppisodin',
+when nobody wuz round.</p>
+
+<p>And as I couldn't seem to come to any clear decision myself, a-disputin'
+with jest my own self, I didn't spoze so many different minds would
+become simultanous and agreed.</p>
+
+<p>So I jest branched right off and asked Miss Cork "If she had heard that
+the minister's wife had got the neuralligy."</p>
+
+<p>I felt that neuralligy wuz a safe subject, and one that could be agreed
+on&mdash;everybody despised it.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus158.png" width="500" height="443"
+alt="Neuralligy wuz a safe subject." title="Neuralligy wuz a safe subject." />
+<span class="caption">Neuralligy wuz a safe subject.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[Pg 149]</a></span></p>
+<p>And gradual the talk sort o' quieted down, and I led it gradual into
+ways of pleasantness and paths of peace.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VII" id="CHAPTER_VII"></a>CHAPTER VII.</h2>
+
+
+<p>Christopher Columbus Allen got along splendid with his railroad
+business, and by the time the rest of us wuz ready for the World's Fair,
+he wuz.</p>
+
+<p>We didn't have so many preparations to make as we would in other
+circumstances, for Ury and Philury wuz goin' to move right into our
+house, and do for it jest as well as we would do for ourselves.</p>
+
+<p>They had done this durin' other towers that we had gone off on, and
+never had we found our confidence misplaced, or so much as a towel or a
+dish-cloth missin'.</p>
+
+<p>We have always done well by them while they wuz workin' for us by the
+week or on shares, and they have always jest turned right round and done
+well by us.</p>
+
+<p>Thomas Jefferson and Maggie went with us. Ti<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[Pg 150]</a></span>rzah Ann and Whitfield
+wuzn't quite ready to go when we did, but they wuz a-comin' later, when
+Tirzah Ann had got all her preperations made&mdash;her own dresses done, and
+Whitfield's night-shirts embroidered, and her stockin's knit.</p>
+
+<p>I love Tirzah Ann. But I can't help seein' that she duz lots of things
+that hain't neccessary.</p>
+
+<p>Now it wuzn't neccessary for her to have eleven new dresses made a
+purpose to go to the World's Fair, and three white aprons all worked off
+round the bibs and pockets.</p>
+
+<p>Good land! what would she want of aprons there in that crowd? And she no
+need to had six new complete suits of under-clothes made, all trimmed
+off elaborate with tattin' and home-made edgin' before she went. And it
+wuzn't neccessary for her to knit two pairs of open-work stockin's with
+fine spool thread.</p>
+
+<p>I sez to her, "Tirzah Ann, why don't you buy your stockin's? You can git
+good ones for twenty cents. And," sez I, "these will take you weeks and
+weeks to knit, besides bein' expensive in thread."</p>
+
+<p>But she said "she couldn't find such nice ones to the store&mdash;she
+couldn't find shell-work."</p>
+
+<p>"Then," sez I, "I shall go without shell-work."</p>
+
+<p>But she said, "They wuz dretful ornamental to the foot, specially to the
+instep, and she shouldn't want to go without<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[Pg 151]</a></span> 'em."</p>
+
+<p>"But," sez I, "who is a-goin' to see your instep? You hain't a-goin'
+round in that crowd with slips on, be you?"</p>
+
+<p>"No," she said, "she didn't spoze she should, but she should feel better
+to know that she had on nice stockin's, if there didn't anybody see
+'em."</p>
+
+<p>And I thought to myself that I should ruther be upheld by my principles
+than the consciousness of shell-work stockin's. But I didn't say so
+right out. I see that she wouldn't give up the idee.</p>
+
+<p>And besides the stockin's, which wuz goin' to devour a fearful amount of
+time, she had got to embroider three night-shirts for Whitfield with
+fine linen floss.</p>
+
+<p>Then I argued with her agin. Sez I, "Good land! I don't believe that
+Christopher Columbus ever had any embroidered night-shirts." Sez I, "If
+he had waited to have them embroidered, and shell-work stockin's knit,
+we might have not been discovered to this day. But," sez I, "good,
+sensible creeter, he knew better than to do it when he had everything
+else on his hands. And," sez I, "with all your housework to do&mdash;and hot
+weather a-comin' on&mdash;I don't see how you are a-goin' to git 'em all done
+and git to the Fair."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[Pg 152]</a></span></p>
+<p>And she said, "She had ruther come late, prepared, than to go early with
+everything at loose ends."</p>
+
+<p>"But," sez I, "good plain sensible night-shirts and Lyle-thread
+stockin's hain't loose&mdash;they hain't so loose as them you are knittin'."</p>
+
+<p>But I see that I couldn't break it up, so I desisted in my efforts.</p>
+
+<p>Maggie, though she is only my daughter-in-law, takes after me more in a
+good many things than Tirzah Ann duz, who is my own step-daughter.
+Curious, but so it is.</p>
+
+<p>Now, she and I felt jest alike in this.</p>
+
+<p>Who&mdash;who wuz a-goin' to notice what you had on to the World's Fair; and
+providin' we wuz clean and hull, and respectable-lookin', who wuz
+a-goin' to know or care whether our stockin's wuz open work or plain
+knittin'?</p>
+
+<p>There, with all the wonder and glory of the hull world spread out before
+our eyes, and the hull world there a-lookin' at it, a-gazin' at strange
+people, strange customs, strange treasures and curiosities from every
+land under the sun&mdash;wonders of the earth and wonders of the sea, marvels
+of genius and invention, and marvels of grandeur and glory, of Art and
+Nature, and the hull world a-lookin' on, and a-marvellin' at 'em. And
+then t<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[Pg 153]</a></span>o suppose that anybody would be a-lookin' out for shell-work
+stockin's, a-carin' whether they wuz clam-shell pattern, or oyster
+shell.</p>
+
+<p>The idee!</p>
+
+<p>That is the way Maggie and I felt; why, if you'll believe it, that sweet
+little creeter never took but one dress with her, besides a old wrapper
+to put on mornin's. She took a good plain black silk dress, with two
+waists to it&mdash;a thick one for cool days and a thin one for hot days&mdash;and
+some under-clothes, and some old shoes that didn't hurt her feet, and
+looked decent. And there she wuz all ready.</p>
+
+<p>She never bought a thing, I don't believe, not one. You wouldn't ketch
+her waitin' to embroider night-shirts for Thomas Jefferson&mdash;no, indeed!
+She felt jest as I did. What would the Christopher Columbus World's Fair
+care for the particular make of Thomas J's night-shirts? That had bigger
+things on its old mind than to stop and admire a particular posey or
+runnin' vine worked on a man's nightly bosom. Yes, indeed!</p>
+
+<p>But Tirzah Ann felt jest that way, and I couldn't make her over at that
+late day, even if I had time to tackle the job. She took it honest&mdash;it
+come onto her from her Pa.</p>
+
+<p>The preperations that man would have made if he had had his head would
+have outdone Tirzah Ann's, and that is sayin'<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[Pg 154]</a></span> enough, and more'n enough.</p>
+
+<p>And the size of the shoes that man would have sot out with if he had
+been left alone would have been a shame and a disgrace to the name of
+decency as long as the world stands.</p>
+
+<p>Why, his feet would have been two smokin' sacrifices laid on the altar
+of corns and bunions. Yes, indeed! But I broke it up.</p>
+
+<p>I sez, "Do you lay out and calculate to hobble round in that pair of
+leather vises and toe-screws," sez I, "when you have got to be on foot
+from mornin' till night, day after day? Why under the sun don't you wear
+your good old leather shoes, and feel comfortable?"</p>
+
+<p>And he said (true father of Tirzah Ann), "He wuz afraid it would make
+talk."</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 231px;">
+<img src="images/illus165.png" width="231" height="500"
+alt="&quot;Leather vises and toe-screws.&quot;"
+title="&quot;Leather vises and toe-screws.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">&quot;Leather vises and toe-screws.&quot;</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Sez I, "The idee of the World's Fair, with all it has got on its mind, a
+noticin' or carin' whether you had on shoes or went barefoot! But if you
+are afraid of talk," sez I, "I guess that it would make full as much
+talk to see you a-goin' round a-groanin' and a-cryin' out loud. And that
+is what them shoes would bring you to," sez I.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[Pg 155]</a></span></p>
+<p>"Now," sez I, "you jest do them shoes right up and carry 'em back to the
+store, and if you have got to have a new pair, git some that will be
+more becomin' to a human creeter, let alone a class-leader, and a
+perfessor, and a grandfather."</p>
+
+<p>So at last I prevailed&mdash;he a-forebodin' to the very last that it would
+make talk to see him in such shoes. But he got a pair that wuzn't more'n
+one size too small for him, and I presumed to think they would stretch
+some. And, anyway, I laid out to put his good, roomy old gaiters in my
+own trunk, so he could have a paneky to fall back on, and to soothe.</p>
+
+<p>As for myself, I took my old slips, that had been my faithful companions
+for over two years, and a pair of good big roomy bootees.</p>
+
+<p>I never bought nothin' new for any of my feet, not even a shoe-string.
+And the only new thing that I bought, anyway, wuz a new muslin night-cap
+with a lace ruffle.</p>
+
+<p>I bought that, and I spoze vanity and pride wuz to the bottom of it. I
+feel my own shortcomin's, I feel 'em deep, and try to repent, every now
+and then, I do.</p>
+
+<p>But I did think in my own mind that in case of fire, a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[Pg 156]</a></span>nd I knew that
+Chicago wuz a great case for burnin' itself up&mdash;I thought in case of
+fire in the night I wouldn't want to be ketched with a plain
+sheep's-head night-cap on, which, though comfortable, and my choice for
+stiddy wear, hain't beautiful.</p>
+
+<p>And I thought if there wuz a fire, and I wuz to be depictered in the
+newspapers as a-bein' rescued, I did feel a little pride in havin' a
+becomin' night-cap on, and not bein' engraved with a sheep's head on.</p>
+
+<p>Thinks'es I, the pictures in the newspapers are enough to bring on the
+cold chills onto anybody, even if took bareheaded, and what&mdash;what would
+be the horror of 'em took in a sheep's head!</p>
+
+<p>There it wuz, there is my own weakness sot right down in black and
+white. But, anyway, it only cost thirty-five cents, and there wuzn't
+nothin' painful about it, like Josiah's shoes, nor protracted, like
+Tirzah Ann's stockin's.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, Ury and Philury moved in the day before, and Josiah and I left in
+the very best of sperits and on the ten o'clock train, Maggie and Thomas
+Jefferson and Krit a-meetin' us to the depot.</p>
+
+<p>Maggie looked as pretty as a pink, if she didn't make no preperations.
+She had on her plain waist, black silk, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[Pg 157]</a></span>and a little black velvet
+turban, and she had pinned a bunch of fresh rosies to her waist, and the
+rosies wuzn't any pinker than her pretty cheeks and lips, and the dew
+that had fell into them roses' hearts that night wuzn't any brighter
+than her sweet gray eyes.</p>
+
+<p>She makes a beautiful woman, Maggie Allen duz; and she ort to, to
+correspond with her husband, for my boy, Thomas Jefferson, is a young
+man of a thousand, and it is admitted that he is by all the
+Jonesvillians&mdash;nearly every villian of 'em admits it.</p>
+
+<p>Tirzah Ann and the babe wuz to the depot to see us off, and she said
+that she should come on jest as soon as she got through with her
+preperations.</p>
+
+<p>But I felt dubersome about her comin' very soon, for she took out her
+knittin' work (we had to wait quite a good while for the cars), and I
+see that she hadn't got the first one only to the instep.</p>
+
+<p>It is slow knittin'&mdash;shells are dretful slow anyway&mdash;and she wuz too
+proud sperited to have 'em plain clam-shell pattern, which are bigger
+and coarser; she had to have 'em oyster-shell pattern, in ridges.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, as I say, I felt dubersome, but I spoke up cheerful on the
+outside&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"If you git your stockin's done, Tirzah Ann, you must be sure and come."</p>
+
+<p>And she said she would.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[Pg 158]</a></span></p>
+<p>The way she said it wuz: "One, two, three, four, yes, mother; five, six,
+seven, I will."</p>
+
+<p>She had to count every shell from top to toe of 'em, which made it hard
+and wearin' both for her and them she wuz conversin' with.</p>
+
+<p>Why, they do say&mdash;it come to me straight, too&mdash;that Whitfield got that
+wore out with them oyster-shell stockin's that he won't look at a oyster
+sence&mdash;he used to be devoted to 'em, raw or cooked; but they say that
+you can't git him to look at one sence the stockin' episode, specially
+scolloped ones.</p>
+
+<p>No, he sez "that he has had enough oysters for a lifetime."</p>
+
+<p>Poor fellow! I pity him. I know what them actions of hern is; hain't I
+suffered from the one she took 'em from?</p>
+
+<p>But to resoom, and continue on.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Gowdey come to the depot to see me off, and so did Miss Bobbet and
+the Widder Pooler.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Gowdey wuz a-comin' to the World's Fair as soon as she made her
+rag-carpet for her summer kitchen; she said "she wouldn't go off and
+leave her work ondone, and she hadn't got more'n half of the rags cut,
+and she hadn't colored butnut yet, nor copperas; she would not leave her
+house a-sufferin' and her rags oncut."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[Pg 159]</a></span></p>
+<p>I thought she looked sort o' reprovin' at me, for she knew that I had a
+carpet begun.</p>
+
+<p>But I spoke up, and sez, "Truly rags will be always here with us, and
+most likely butnut and copperas; but the World's Fair comes but once in
+a lifetime, and I believe in embracin' it now, and makin' the most of
+it." Sez I, "We can embrace rags at any time."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," she said, "she couldn't take no comfort with the memory of
+things ondone a-weighin' down on her." She said "some folks wuz
+different," and she looked clost at me as she said it. "Some folks could
+go off on towers and be happy with the thought of rags oncut and warp
+oncolored, or spooled, or anything. But she wuzn't one of 'em; she could
+not, and would not, take comfort with things ondone on her mind."</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, "If folks don't take any comfort with the memories of things
+ondone on 'em, I guess that there wouldn't be much comfort took, for, do
+the best we can in this world, we have to leave some things ondone. We
+can't do everything."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," she said, "she should, never should, go off on towers till
+everything wuz done."</p>
+
+<p>And <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[Pg 160]</a></span>agin I sez, "It is hard to git everything done, and if folks waited
+for them circumstances, I guess there wouldn't be many towers gone off
+on."</p>
+
+<p>But she didn't give in, nor I nuther. But jest then Miss Bobbet spoke
+up, and said, "She laid out to go to the World's Fair&mdash;she wouldn't miss
+it for anything; it wuz the oppurtunity of a lifetime for education and
+pleasure; but she wuz a-goin' to finish that borrow-and-lend bedquilt of
+hern before she started a step. And then the woodwork had got to be
+painted all over the house, and <i>he</i> was so busy with his spring's work
+that she had got to do it herself."</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, "Couldn't you let those things be till you come back?"</p>
+
+<p>And she said, "She couldn't, for she mistrusted she would be all beat
+out, and wouldn't feel like it when she got back; paintin' wuz hard
+work, and so wuz piecin' up."</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, "Then you had ruther go there all tired out, had you?" sez I.
+"Seems to me I had ruther go to the World's Fair fresh and strong, and
+ready to learn and enjoy, even if I let my borrow-and-lend bedquilt go
+till another year. For," sez I, "bedquilts will be protracted fur beyend
+the time of seein' the World's Fair&mdash;and I believe in livin' up to my
+priveleges."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[Pg 161]</a></span></p>
+<p>And she said, "That she wouldn't want to put it off, for it had been
+a-layin' round for several years, and she felt that she wouldn't go
+away so fur from home, and leave it onfinished."</p>
+
+<p>And I see that it wouldn't do any good to argy with her. Her mind wuz
+made up.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Pooler said, "That she wuz a-goin' to the Fair, and a-goin' in good
+season, too. She wouldn't miss it for anything in the livin' world. But
+she had got to make a visit all round to his relations and hern before
+she went. And," sez she, a-lookin' sort o' reproachful at me,</p>
+
+<p>"I should have thought you would have felt like goin' round and payin'
+'em all a visit, on both of your sides, before you went," sez she. "They
+would have felt better; and I feel like doin' everything I can to please
+the relations."</p>
+
+<p>And I told Miss Pooler&mdash;"That I never expected to see the day that I
+hadn't plenty of relations on my side and on hisen, but I never expected
+to see another Christopher Columbus World's Fair, and I had ruther spend
+my time now with Christopher than with them on either side, spozin' they
+would keep."</p>
+
+<p>But Miss Pooler said, "She had always felt like doin' a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[Pg 162]</a></span>ll in her power
+to show respect to the relations on both sides, and make 'em happy. And
+she felt that, in case of anything happenin', she would feel better to
+know she had made 'em all a last visit before it happened."</p>
+
+<p>"What I am afraid will happen, Miss Pooler," sez I, "is that you won't
+git to the World's Fair at all, for they are numerous on both sides, and
+widespread," sez I. "It will take sights and sights of time for you to
+go clear round."</p>
+
+<p>But I see that she wuz determined to have her way, and I didn't labor no
+more with her.</p>
+
+<p>And I might as well tell it right here, as any time&mdash;she never got to
+the World's Fair at all. For while she wuz a-payin' a last visit
+previous to her departure, she wuz took down bed-sick for three weeks.
+And the Fair bein' at that time on its last leglets, as you may say, it
+had took her so long to go the rounds&mdash;the Fair broke up before she got
+up agin.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Pooler felt awful about it, so they say; it wuz such a dretful
+disapintment to her that they had to watch her for some time, she wuz
+that melancholy about it, and depressted, that they didn't know what she
+would be led to do to herself.</p>
+
+<p>And besides her own affliction about the Fair, and t<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[Pg 163]</a></span>he trouble she gin
+her own folks a-watchin' her for months afterwards, she got 'em mad at
+her on both sides. Seven different wimmen she kep to home, jest as they
+wuz a-startin' for the Fair, and belated 'em.</p>
+
+<p>Eleven of the relations on her side and on hisen hain't spoke to her
+sence. And the family where she wuz took sick on their hands talked hard
+of suin' her for damage. For they wuz real smart folks, and had been
+makin' their calculations for over three years to go to the Fair, and
+had lotted on it day and night, and through her sickness they wuz kep to
+home, and didn't go to it at all.</p>
+
+<p>But to resoom.</p>
+
+<p>Jest as I turned round from Miss Pooler, I see Miss Solomon Stebbins and
+Arvilly Lanfear come in the depot.</p>
+
+<p>Arvilly come to bid me good-bye, and Miss Stebbins wuz with her, and so
+she come in too.</p>
+
+<p>Arvilly said, "That she should be in Chicago to that World's Fair, if
+her life wuz spared." She said, "That she wouldn't miss bein' in the
+place where wimmen wuz made sunthin' of, and had sunthin' to say for
+themselves, not for ontold wealth."</p>
+
+<p>She said, "That she jest hankered after seein' one wo<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[Pg 164]</a></span>man made out of
+pure silver&mdash;and then that other woman sixty-five feet tall; she said it
+would do her soul good to see men look up to her, and they have got to
+look up to her if they see her at all, for she said that it stood to
+reason that there wuzn't goin' to be men there sixty-five feet high.</p>
+
+<p>"And then that temple there in Chicago, dreamed out and built by a
+woman&mdash;the nicest office buildin' in the world! jest think of that&mdash;<i>in
+the World</i>. And a woman to the bottom of it, and to the top too. Why,"
+sez Arville, "I wouldn't miss the chance of seein' wimmen swing right
+out, and act as if their souls wuz their own, not for the mines of
+Golconda." Sez she, "More than a dozen wimmen have told me this week
+they wanted to go; but they wuzn't able. But I sez to 'em, I'm able to
+go, and I'm a-goin'&mdash;I am goin' afoot."</p>
+
+<p>"Why, Arvilly," sez I, "you hain't a-goin' to Chicago a-walkin' afoot!"</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 375px;">
+<img src="images/illus175.png" width="375" height="500"
+alt="&quot;Why, Arvilly!&quot;" title="&quot;Why, Arvilly!&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"Why, Arvilly!"</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"Yes, I be a-goin' to Chicago a-walkin' afoot, and I am goin' to start
+next Monday mornin'."</p>
+
+<p>"Why'ee!" sez I, "you mustn't do it; you must let me lend you some
+money."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[Pg 165]</a></span></p>
+<p>"No, mom; much obliged jest the same, but I am a-goin' to canvass my way
+there. I am goin' to sell the 'Wild, Wicked, and Warlike Deeds of Man.'
+I calculate to make money enough to get me there and ride some of the
+way, and take care of me while I am there; I may tackle some other book
+or article to sell. But I am goin' to branch out on that, and I am goin'
+to have a good time, too."</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus176.png" width="500" height="411" alt="&quot;No, mom; much obliged jest the same.&quot;" title="&quot;No, mom; much obliged jest the same.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">&quot;No, mom; much obliged jest the same.&quot;</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Miss Stebbins said, "She wanted to go, and calculated to, but she wanted
+to finish that croshay lap-robe before snow fell."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[Pg 166]</a></span></p>
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "snow hain't a-goin' to fall very soon now, early in the
+Spring so."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," she said, "that it wuz such tryin' work for the eyes, she
+wouldn't leave it for nothin' till she got back, for she mistrusted that
+she should feel kind o' mauger and wore out. And then," she said, "she
+had got to make a dozen fine shirts for Solomon, so's to leave him
+comfortable while she wuz gone, and the children three suits apiece all
+round."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "How long do you lay out to be gone?"</p>
+
+<p>"About two weeks," she said.</p>
+
+<p>And I told her, "That it didn't seem as if he would need so many shirts
+for so short a time."</p>
+
+<p>But she said, "She should feel more relieved to have 'em done."</p>
+
+<p>So I wouldn't say no more to break it up. For it is fur from me to want
+to diminish any female's relief.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[Pg 167]</a></span></p>
+<p>And the cars tooted jest then, so I didn't have no more time to multiply
+words with her anyway.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VIII" id="CHAPTER_VIII"></a>CHAPTER VIII.</h2>
+
+
+<p>We were travellin' in a car they call a parlor, though it didn't look no
+more like our parlor than ours does like a steeple on a wind-mill. But
+it wuz dretful nice and comogeous.</p>
+
+<p>We five occupied seats all together, and right next to us, acrost the
+aisle, wuz two men a-arguin' on the Injun question. I didn't know 'em,
+but I see that Thomas J. and Krit wuz some acquainted with 'em; they wuz
+business men.</p>
+
+<p>When I first begun to hear 'em talk (they talked loud&mdash;we couldn't help
+hearin' 'em), they seemed to be kinder laughin', and one of 'em said:</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, they denied the right of suffrage to wimmen and give it to the
+Injuns, and the next week the Injuns started off on the war-path.
+Whether they did it through independence or through triumph nobody
+knows, but it is known that they went."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[Pg 168]</a></span></p>
+<p>And I thought to myself, "Mebby they wuz mad to think that the Goverment
+denied to intelligent Christian wimmen the rights gin to savages."
+Thinks'es I, "It is enough to make a Injun mad, or anything else."</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus179.png" width="500" height="377"
+alt="&quot;They denied the right of suffrage to wimmen and give it to the Injuns.&quot;"
+title="&quot;They denied the right of suffrage to wimmen and give it to the Injuns.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"They denied the right of suffrage to wimmen and give it to the Injuns."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>But I didn't speak my mind out loud, and they begun to talk earnest and
+excited about 'em, and I could see as they went on that they felt jest
+alike towards the Injuns, and wanted 'em wiped off'en the face of the
+earth; but they disagreed some as to the ways they wanted 'em wiped. One
+of 'em wanted 'em shot right down to once, and exterminated jest as you
+kill potato-bugs.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[Pg 169]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>The other wanted 'em drove further off and shet up tighter till they
+died out of themselves; but they wuz both agreed in bein' horrified and
+disgusted at the Injuns darin' to fight the whites.</p>
+
+<p>And first I knew Krit jest waded right into the talk. He waded polite,
+but he waded deep right off the first thing.</p>
+
+<p>And, sez he, "Before they all die I hope they will sharpen up their
+tommyhawks and march on to Washington, and have a war-dance before the
+Capitol, and take a few scalps there amongst the law-makers and the
+Injun bureau."</p>
+
+<p>He got kinder lost and excited by his feelin's, Krit did, or he wouldn't
+have said anything about scalpin' a bureau. Good land! he might talk
+about smashin' its draws up, but nobody ever hearn of scalpin' a bureau
+or a table.</p>
+
+<p>But he went on dretful smart, and, sez he, "Gentlemen, I have lived
+right out there amongst the Injuns and the rascally agents, and I know
+what I am talkin' about when I say that, instead of wonderin' about the
+Injuns risin' up aginst the whites, as they do sometimes, the wonder is
+that they don't try to kill every white man they see.</p>
+
+<p>"When I think of the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[Pg 170]</a></span> brutality, the cheatin', the cruelty, the
+devilishness of the agents, it is a wonder to me that they let one stick
+remain on another at the agencies&mdash;that they don't burn 'em up, root
+and branch, and destroy all the lazy, cheatin', lyin' white scamps they
+can get sight of."</p>
+
+<p>The two men acted fairly browbeat and smut to hear Krit go on, and they
+sez&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"You must be mistaken in your views; the Goverment, I am sure, tries to
+protect the Injuns and take care of 'em."</p>
+
+<p>"What is the Goverment doin'," sez Krit, "but goin' into partnership
+with lyin' and stealin,' when it knows just what their agents are doin',
+and still protects them in their shameful acts, and sends out troops to
+build up their strength? Maybe you have a home you love?" sez Krit,
+turnin' to the best lookin' of the men.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, indeed," sez he; "my country home down on the Hudson is the same
+one we have had in the family for over two hundred years. My babies are
+to-day runnin' over the same turf that I rolled on in my boyhood, and
+their great-great-grandmothers played on in their childhood.</p>
+
+<p>"My babies' voices raise the same echoes from the high rock back of the
+orchard, the same blue river runs along at<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[Pg 171]</a></span> their feet, the sun sets
+right over the same high palisade. Why, that very golden light acrost
+the water between the two high rocks&mdash;that golden line of light seems
+to me now, almost as it did then in my childhood, the only path to
+Heaven.</p>
+
+<p>"Heaven and Earth would be all changed to me if I had to give up my old
+home. Why, every tree, and shrub, and rock seems like a part of my own
+beloved family, such sacred associations cluster around them of my
+childhood and manhood. And the memories of the dear ones gone seem to be
+woven into the very warp and woof of the stately old elm-trees that
+shade its velvet lawns, and the voice of the river seems full of old
+words and music, vanished tones and laughter.</p>
+
+<p>"No one can know, or dream, how inexpressibly dear the old home is to my
+heart. If I had to give it up," sez he, "it would be like tearin' out my
+very heart-strings, and partin' with what seems like a part of my own
+life."</p>
+
+<p>The man looked very earnest and sincere when he said this, and even
+agitated. He meant what he said, no doubt on't.</p>
+
+<p>And then Krit sez, "How would you like it if you were ordered to leave
+it at a day's notice&mdash;leave it forever&mdash;leave it so some one else, some
+one you hated, some one who had always injured <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[Pg 172]</a></span>you, could enjoy it&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Leave it so that you knew you could never live there again, never
+see a sun rise or a sun set over the dear old fields, and mountains, and
+river, you loved so well&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Never have the chance to stand by the graves of your fathers, and your
+children, that were a-sleepin' under the beautiful old trees that your
+grandfathers had set out&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Never see the dear old grounds they walked through, the old rooms full
+of the memories of their love, their joys, and their sorrows, and your
+loves, and hopes, and joys, and sadness?</p>
+
+<p>"What should you do if some one strong enough, but without a shadow of
+justice or reason, should order you out of it at once&mdash;force you to go?"</p>
+
+<p>"I should try to kill him," sez the man promptly, before he had time to
+think what to say.</p>
+
+<p>"Well," sez Krit, "that is what the Injuns try to do, and the world is
+horrified at it. Their homes are jest as dear to them as ours are to us;
+their love for their own living and dead is jest as strong. Their grief
+and sense of wrong and outrage is even stronger than the white man's
+would be, for they don't have the distractions of civilized life to take
+up <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[Pg 173]</a></span>their attention. They brood over their wrongs through long days and
+nights, unsolaced by daily papers and latest telegraphic news, and their
+famished, freezin' bodies addin' their terrible pangs to their soul's
+distress.</p>
+
+<p>"Is it any wonder that after broodin' over their wrongs through long
+days and nights, half starved, half naked, their dear old homes
+gone&mdash;shut up here in the rocky, hateful waste, that they must call
+home, and probably their wives and daughters stolen from them by these
+agents that are fat and warm, and gettin' rich on the food and clothing
+that should be theirs, and receivin' nothing but insults and threats if
+they ask for justice, and finally a bullet, if their demands for justice
+are too loud&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"What wonder is it that they lift their empty hands for vengeance&mdash;that
+they leave their bare, icy huts, and warm their frozen veins with
+ghost-dances, haply practisin' them before they go to be ghosts in
+reality? What wonder that they sharpen up their ancestral tomahawk, and
+lift it against their oppressors? What wonder that the smothered fires
+do break out into sudden fiery tempests of destruction that appall the
+world?</p>
+
+<p>"You say you would do the same, after your generations of culture and
+Christian teaching, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[Pg 174]</a></span> so would I, and every other man. We would if we
+could destroy the destroyers who ravage and plunder our homes, deprive
+us of the earnings of a lifetime, turn us out of our inheritance, and
+make of our wives and daughters worse than slaves.</p>
+
+<p>"We meet every year to honor the memory of the old heroes who rebelled
+and fought for liberty&mdash;shed rivers of blood to escape from far less
+intolerable oppression and wrongs than the Injuns have endured for
+years.</p>
+
+<p>"And then we expect them, with no culture and no Christianity, to
+practise Christian virtues, and endure buffetings that no Christian
+would endure.</p>
+
+<p>"The whole Injun question is a satire on true Goverment, a lie in the
+name of liberty and equality, a shame on our civilization."</p>
+
+<p>"What would you do about it?" said the kinder good-lookin' man.</p>
+
+<p>Sez Krit, "If I called the Injuns wards, adopted children of the
+Goverment, I would try not to use them in a way that would disgrace any
+drunken old stepmother.</p>
+
+<p>"I would have dignity enough, if I did not stand for decency, to not
+half starve and freeze them, and lie to them, and cheat them till the
+very word 'Goverment' means to t<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[Pg 176]</a></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[Pg 175]</a></span>hem all they can picture of meanness and
+brutality. I would either grant them independence, or a few of the
+comforts I had stolen from them.</p>
+
+<p>"If I drove them out of their rich lands and well-stocked
+hunting-grounds they had so long considered their own&mdash;if I drove them
+out in my cupidity and love of conquest, I would in return grant them
+enough of the fruits of their old homes to keep up life in their unhappy
+bodies.</p>
+
+<p>"If I made them suffer the pains of exile, I would not let them endure
+also the gnawings of starvation.</p>
+
+<p>"And I would not send out to 'em the Bible and whiskey packed in one
+wagon, appeals to Christian living and the sure means to overthrow it.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus186.png" width="500" height="344"
+alt="&quot;I would not send &#39;em Bibles and whiskey packed in one wagon.&quot;"
+title="&quot;I would not send &#39;em Bibles and whiskey packed in one wagon.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"I would not send 'em Bibles and whiskey packed in one wagon."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"I would not send 'em religious tracts, implorin' 'em to come to
+Christ's kingdom, packed in the same hamper with kegs of brandy, which
+the Bible and the tracts teach that those that use it are cursed, and
+that no drunkard can inherit the kingdom."</p>
+
+<p>But, sez Krit, "The Bible they <i>should</i> have. And after they had
+mastered its simplest teachings, they should don their war-paint and
+feathers, and go out with it in their hands as missionaries to the white
+race, to try to teach them its plainest and simplest doctrines, of
+justice, and mercy, and love."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[Pg 177]</a></span></p>
+<p>But at this very minute the cars tooted, and the two men seized their
+satchels, and after a sort of a short bow to Krit and the rest of us,
+they rushed offen the train.</p>
+
+<p>I believe they wuz conscience-smut, but I don't know.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus188.png" width="500" height="484"
+alt="I believe they wuz conscience-smut, but I don&#39;t know."
+title="I believe they wuz conscience-smut, but I don&#39;t know." />
+<span class="caption">I believe they wuz conscience-smut, but I don't know.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>When we arrove at the big depot at Chicago, the su<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[Pg 178]</a></span>n wuz jest a-drawin'
+up his curtains of gorgeous red, and yeller, and crimson, and wuz
+a-retirin' behind 'em to git a little needed rest.</p>
+
+<p>The glorious counterpane wuz kinder heaped up in billowy richness on his
+western couch, but what I took to be the undersheet&mdash;a clear long fold
+of shinin' gold color&mdash;lay straight and smooth on the bottom of the
+gorgeous bed.</p>
+
+<p>And the sun's face wuz just a-lookin' out above it, as if to say
+good-bye to Chicago, and trouble, and the World's Fair, and Josiah and
+me, as we sot our feet on <i>terry firmy</i>. (That is Latin that I have
+hearn Thomas J. use. Nobody need to be afraid of it; it is harmless. My
+boy wouldn't use a dangerous word.)</p>
+
+<p>But to resoom and go on. As I ketched the last glimpse of the old
+familier face of the sun, that I had seen so many times a-lookin'
+friendly at me through the maple trees at Jonesville, and that truly had
+seemed to be a neighbor, a-neighborin' with me, time and agin&mdash;when I
+see him so peaceful and good-natured a-goin' to his nightly rest, I
+thought to myself&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Oh! how I wish I could foller his example, for it duz seem to me that
+nowhere else, unless it wuz at the tower of Babel, wuz there ever so
+much noise, and of such various and conflictin' kinds.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[Pg 179]</a></span></p>
+<p>Instinctively I ketched holt of my pardner's arm, and sez I, "Stay by
+me, Josiah Allen; if madness and ruin result from this Pandemonium, be
+with me to the last."</p>
+
+<p>He couldn't hear a word I said, the noise wuz that deafnin' and
+tremendious. But he read the silent, tender language of the brown cotton
+glove on his arm, and he cast a look of deep affection on me, and sez he
+in soulfull axents&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Hurry up, can't you? Wimmen are always so slow!"</p>
+
+<p>I responded in the same earnest, heartfelt way. And anon, or perhaps a
+little before, Thomas J. and Krit hurried us and our satchel bags into a
+big roomy carriage, and we soon found ourselves a-wendin' our way
+through the streets of the great Western city, the metropolis of the
+Settin' Sun.</p>
+
+<p>Street after street, mild after mild of high, towerin' buildin's did we
+pass. Some on 'em I know wuz high enough for the tower of Babel&mdash;and old
+Babel himself would have admitted it, I bet, if he had been there.</p>
+
+<p>And as the immense size and magnitude of the city come over me like a
+wave, I thought to myself some in Skripter and some in common readin'.</p>
+
+<p>Whe<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[Pg 180]</a></span>n I thought that fifty years ago the grassy prairie lay stretched out
+in green repose where now wuz the hard pavements worn with the world's
+commerce; when I thought that little prairie-dogs, and mush-rats, and
+squirells wuz a-runnin' along ondisturbed where now stood high blocks
+full of a busy city's enterprise; when I thought that little pretty,
+timid birds wuz a-flyin' about where now wuz steeples and high
+chimblys&mdash;why, when I thought of all this in common readin', then the
+Skripter come in, and I sez to myself in deep, solemn axents&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Who hath brought this thing to pass?"</p>
+
+<p>And then anon I went to thinkin' in common readin' agin, and thinks'es
+I&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>A little feeble woman died a few days ago&mdash;not so very old either&mdash;who
+wuz the first child born in Chicago&mdash;and I thought&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>What a big, big day's work wuz done under her eye-sight! What a immense
+house-warmin' she would had to had in order to warm up all the housen
+built under her eye!</p>
+
+<p>Millions of folks did she see move into her neighborhood.</p>
+
+<p>And what a party would she had to gin to have took all her neighbors in!
+What a immense amount of nut-cakes would she have had to fry, and
+cookies!</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[Pg 181]</a></span></p>
+<p>Why, countin' two nut-cakes to a person&mdash;and that is a small estimate
+for a healthy man to eat, judgin' by my own pardner&mdash;she would have had
+to fry millions of nut-cakes. And millions of cookies, if they wuz made
+after Mother's receipt handed down to me; that wouldn't have been one
+too many.</p>
+
+<p>And where could she spread out her dough for her cookies&mdash;why, a prairie
+wouldn't have been too big for her mouldin' board. And the biggest
+Geyser in the West, old Faithful himself, wouldn't have been too big to
+fry the cakes in, if you could fry 'em in water, which you can't.</p>
+
+<p>But mebby if she had gin the party, she could have used that old
+spoutin' Geyser for a teapot or a soda fountain&mdash;if she laid out to
+treat 'em to anything to drink.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[Pg 182]</a></span></p>
+<p>But good land! there is no use in talkin', if she had used a volcano to
+steep her tea over, she couldn't made enough to go round.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IX" id="CHAPTER_IX"></a>CHAPTER IX.</h2>
+
+
+<p>Wall, after a numerous number of emotions we at last reached our
+destination and stoppin'-place. And I gin a deep sithe of relief as the
+wheel of the carriage grated on the curb-stun, in front of the boardin'
+house where my Josiah and me laid out to git our two boards.</p>
+
+<p>Thomas J. and Krit wanted to go to one of the big hotels. I spozed, from
+their talk, it wuz reasonable, and wuz better for their business, that
+they should be out amongst business men.</p>
+
+<p>But Josiah and I didn't want to go to any such place. We had our place
+all picked out, and had had for some time, ever sence we had commenced
+to git ready for the World's Fair.</p>
+
+<p>We had laid out to git our two boards at a good quiet place recommended
+by our own Methodist Episcopal Pasture, and a distant relation of his
+own.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz to Miss Ebenezer Plank'ses, who took in a few boarders, bein'
+middlin' well off, and havin' a very nice house t<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[Pg 183]</a></span>o start with, but
+wanted to add a little to her income, so she took in a few and done well
+by 'em, so our pasture said, and so we found out. It wuz a
+splendid-lookin' house a-standin' a-frontin' a park, where anybody could
+git a glimpse of green trees and a breath of fresh air, and as much
+quiet and rest as could be found in Chicago durin' the summer of 1893,
+so I believed.</p>
+
+<p>Thomas J. and Maggie wuz perfectly suited with the place for us&mdash;and
+Thomas J. parleyed with Miss Plank about our room, etc.&mdash;and we wuz all
+satisfied with the result.</p>
+
+<p>And after Josiah and me got settled down in our room, a good-lookin'
+one, though small, the children sot off for their hotel, which wuzn't so
+very fur from ourn, nigh enough so that they could be sent for easy, if
+we wuz took down sudden, and visey versey.</p>
+
+<p>I found Miss Plank wuz a good-appearin' woman, and a Christian, I
+believe, with good principles, and a hair mole on her face, though she
+kep 'em curbed down, and cut off (the hairs).</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 254px;">
+<img src="images/illus195.png" width="254" height="500"
+alt="A good-appearin&#39; woman." title="A good-appearin&#39; woman." />
+<span class="caption">A good-appearin' woman.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Her husband had been a man of wealth, as you could see plain by the
+house<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[Pg 184]</a></span> that he left her a-livin' in. But some of her property she had
+lost through poor investments&mdash;and don't it beat all how wimmen do git
+cheated, and every single man she deals with a-tellin' her to confide in
+him freely, for he hain't but one idee, and that is to look out for her
+interests, to the utter neglect of his own, and a-warnin' her aginst
+every other man on earth but himself.</p>
+
+<p>But, to resoom. She had lost some of her property, and bein' without
+children, and kind o' lonesome, and a born housekeeper and cook, her
+idee of takin' in a few respectable and agreeable boarders wuz a good
+one.</p>
+
+<p>She wuz a good calculator, and the best maker of pancakes I ever see,
+fur or near. She oversees her own kitchen, and puts on her own hand and
+cooks, jest when she is a mind too. She hain't afraid of the face of man
+or woman, though she told me, and I believe it, that "her cook wuz that
+cross and fiery of temper, that she would skair any common person almost
+into coniption fits."</p>
+
+<p>"But," sez she, "the first teacup that she throwed at me, because I
+wanted to make some pancakes, wuz the last."</p>
+
+<p>I don't know what she done to her, but presoom that she held her with
+her eye. It is a firm and glitterin' one as <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[Pg 185]</a></span>I ever see.</p>
+
+<p>Anyway, she put a damper onto that cook, and turns it jest when she is
+a mind to&mdash;to the benefit of her boarders; for better vittles wuz never
+cooked than Miss Plank furnishes her boarders at moderate rates and the
+comforts of a home, as advertisements say.</p>
+
+<p>Her house wuz kep clean and sweet too, which wuz indeed a boon.</p>
+
+<p>She talked a sight about her husband, which I don't know as she could
+help&mdash;anyway, I guess she didn't try to.</p>
+
+<p>She told me the first oppurtunity what a good Christian he wuz, how
+devoted to her, and how much property he laid up, and that he wuz "in
+salt."</p>
+
+<p>I thought for quite a spell she meant brine, and dassent hardly enquire
+into the particulars, not knowin' what she had done by the departed,
+widders are so queer.</p>
+
+<p>But after she had mentioned to me more'n a dozen times her love for the
+departed, and his industrious and prosperous ways, and tellin' me every
+single time, "he wuz in salt," I found out that she meant that he wuz in
+the salt trade&mdash;bought and sold, I spozed.</p>
+
+<p>I felt better.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[Pg 186]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>But oh, how she did love to talk about that man; truly she used his
+sirname to connect us to the vast past, and to the mysterious future. We
+trod that Plank every day and all day, if we would listen to her.</p>
+
+<p>And sometimes when I would try to get her offen that Plank for a minute,
+and would bring up the World's Fair to her, and how big the housen wuz,
+I would find my efforts futile; for all she would say about 'em wuz to
+tell what Mr. Plank would have done if he had been a-livin', and if he
+had been onhampered, and out of salt, how much better he would have done
+than the directors did, and what bigger housen he would have built.</p>
+
+<p>And I would say, "A house that covers over most forty acres is a pretty
+big house."</p>
+
+<p>But she seemed to think that Mr. Plank would have built housen that
+covered a few more acres, and towered up higher, and had loftier
+cupalos.</p>
+
+<p>And finally I got tired of tryin' to quell her down, and I got so that I
+could let her talk and keep up a-thinkin' on other subjects all the
+time. Why, I got so I could have writ poetry, if that had been my aim,
+right under a constant loadin' and onloadin' of that Plank.</p>
+
+<p>Curious, hain't it?<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[Pg 187]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>As I said, there wuz only a few boarders, most of 'em quiet folks, who
+had been there some time. Some on 'em had been there long enough to have
+children born under the ruff, who had growed up almost as big as their
+pa's and ma's. There wuz several of 'em half children there, and among
+'em wuz one of the same age who wuz old&mdash;older than I shall ever be, I
+hope and pray.</p>
+
+<p>He wuz gloomy and morbid, and looked on life, and us, with kinder mad
+and distrustful eyes. Above all others, he wuz mean to his twin sister;
+he looked down on her and browbeat her the worst kind, and felt older
+than she did, and acted as if she wuz a mere child compared to him,
+though he wuzn't more'n five minutes older than she wuz, if he wuz that.</p>
+
+<p>Their names wuz Algernon and Guenivere Piddock, but they called 'em Nony
+and Neny&mdash;which wuz, indeed, a comfort to bystanders. Folks ort to be
+careful what names they put onto their children; yes, indeed.</p>
+
+<p>Neny wuz a very beautiful, good-appearin' young girl, and acted as if
+she would have had good sense, and considerable of it, if she hadn't
+been afraid to say her soul wuz her ow<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[Pg 188]</a></span>n.</p>
+
+<p>But Nony wuz cold and haughty. He sot right by me on the north side,
+Josiah Allen sot on my south. And I fairly felt chilly on that side
+sometimes, almost goose pimples, that young man child felt so cold and
+bitter towards the world and us, and so sort o' patronizin'.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 448px;">
+<img src="images/illus198.png" width="448" height="500"
+ alt="He sot by me." title="He sot by me." />
+<span class="caption">He sot by me.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>He didn't believe in religion, nor nothin'. He didn't believe in
+Christopher Columbus&mdash;right there to the doin's held for him, he didn't
+believe in him.</p>
+
+<p>"Why," sez I, "he discovered the land we live in."</p>
+
+<p>He said, "He was very doubtful whether that wuz so or not&mdash;histories
+made so many mistakes, he presoomed there never was such a man at all."</p>
+
+<p>"Why," sez I, "he walked the streets of Genoa."</p>
+
+<p>And he sez, "I never see him there."</p>
+
+<p>And, of course, I couldn't dispute that.</p>
+
+<p>And he added, "That anyway there wuz too much a-bein' done for him. He
+wuz made too much of."</p>
+
+<p>He didn't believe in wimmen, made a specialty of that, from Neny back to
+Rachael and Ruth. He powed at wimmen's work, at their efforts, their
+learnin', their advancement.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[Pg 189]</a></span></p>
+<p>Neny, good little bashful thing, wuz a member of the WCTU and the
+Christian Endeavor, and wanted to do jest right by them noble societies
+and the world. But, oh, how light he would speak of them noble bands of
+workers in the World's warfare with wrong! To how small a space he
+wanted to reduce 'em down!</p>
+
+<p>And I sez to him once, "You can't do very much towards belittlin' a
+noble army of workers as that is&mdash;millions strong."</p>
+
+<p>"Millions weak, you mean," sez he. "I dare presoom to say there hain't a
+woman amongst 'em but what is afraid of a mouse, and would run from a
+striped snake."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "They don't run from the serpent Evil, that is wreathin' round
+their homes and loved ones, and a-tryin' to destroy 'em&mdash;they run
+towards that serpent, and hain't afraid to grapple with it, and
+overthrow it&mdash;by the help of the Mighty," sez I.</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, "There is too much made of their work." Sez he, "There hain't
+near so much done as folks think; the most of it is talk, and a-praisin'
+each other up."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "men won't never be killed for that in their political
+rivalin's, they won't be condemned for praisin' each other up."</p>
+
+<p>"No," sez he, "men know too much."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[Pg 190]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>And then I spoke of that silver woman&mdash;how beautiful and noble an
+appearance she made, in the spear she ort to be in, a-representin'
+Justice.</p>
+
+<p>And Nony said, "She wuz too soft." Sez he, "It is with her as it is with
+all other wimmen&mdash;men have to stand in front of her with guns to keep
+her together, to keep her solid."</p>
+
+<p>That kinder gaulded me, for there wuz some truth in it, for I had seen
+the men and the rifles.</p>
+
+<p>But I sprunted up, and sez I&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"They are a-guardin' her to keep men from stealin' her, that is what
+they are for. And," sez I, "it would be a good thing for lots of wimmen,
+who have got lots of silver, if it hain't in their bodies, if they had a
+guard a-walkin' round 'em with rifles to keep off maurauders."</p>
+
+<p>Why, there wuzn't nothin' brung up that he believed in, or that he
+didn't act morbid over.</p>
+
+<p>Why, I believe his Ma&mdash;good, decent-lookin' widder with false hair and a
+swelled neck, but well-to-do&mdash;wuz ashamed of him.</p>
+
+<p>Right acrost from me to the table sot a fur different creeter. It wuz a
+man in the prime of life, and wisdom, and culture, who <i>did</i> believe in
+things. You could tell that by t<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[Pg 191]</a></span>he first look in his
+face&mdash;handsome&mdash;sincere&mdash;ardent. With light brown hair, tossed kinder
+careless back from a broad white forward&mdash;deep blue, impetuous-lookin'
+eyes, but restrained by sense from goin' too fur. A silky mustache the
+same color of his hair, and both with a considerable number of white
+threads a-shinin' in 'em, jest enough so's you could tell that old Time
+hadn't forgot him as he went up and down the earth with his hour-glass
+under his arm, and his scythe over his shoulder.</p>
+
+<p>He had a tall, noble figger, always dressed jest right, so's you would
+never think of his clothes, but always remember him simply as bein' a
+gentleman, helpful, courteous, full of good-nature and good-natured wit
+and fun. But yet with a sort of a sad look underlyin' the fun, some as
+deep waters look under the frothy sparkle on top, as if they had secrets
+they might tell if they wuz a mind to&mdash;secrets of dark places down, fur
+down, where the sun doesn't shine; secrets of joy and happiness, and
+hope that had gone down, and wuz carried under the depths&mdash;under the
+depths that we hadn't no lines to fathom.</p>
+
+<p>No, if there wuz any secrets of sadness underlyin' the frank openness
+and pleasantness of them clear blue eyes, we hadn't none of us no way of
+tellin'.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[Pg 192]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>We hadn't no ways of peerin' down under the clear blue depths, any
+further than he wuz willin' to let us.</p>
+
+<p>All we knew wuz, that though he looked happy and looked good-natured,
+back of it all, a-peerin' out sometimes when you didn't look for it, wuz
+a sunthin' that looked like the shadder cast from a hoverin'
+lonesomeness, and sorrow, and regret.</p>
+
+<p>But he wuz a good-lookin' feller, there hain't a doubt of that, and good
+actin' and smart.</p>
+
+<p>He wuz a bacheldor, and we could all see plain that Miss Plank held his
+price almost above rubies.</p>
+
+<p>If there wuz any good bits among vittles that wuz always good, it wuz
+Miss Plank's desire that he should have them bits; if there wuz drafts
+a-comin' from any pint of the compass, it wuz Miss Plank's desire to not
+have him blowed on. If any soft zephyr's breath wuz wafted to any one of
+us from a open winder on a hot evenin' or sunny noon, he wuz the one she
+wanted wafted to, and breathed on.</p>
+
+<p>If her smiles fell warm on any, or all on us, he wuz the one they fell
+warmest on. But we all liked him the best that ever wuz. Even Nony
+Piddock seemed to sort of onbend a little, and moisten up with the dew
+of charity his arid desert of idees a littl<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[Pg 193]</a></span>e mite, when he wuz around.</p>
+
+<p>And occasionally, when the bacheldor, whose name wuz Mr. Freeman, when
+he would, half in fun and half in earnest, answer Nony's weary and
+bitter remarks, once in a while even that aged youth would seem to be
+ashamed of himself, and his own idees.</p>
+
+<p>There wuz another widder there&mdash;Miss Boomer; or I shouldn't call her a
+clear widder&mdash;I guess she wuz a sort of a semi-detached one&mdash;I guess she
+had parted with him.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, she cast warm smiles on Mr. Freeman&mdash;awful warm, almost meltin'.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Plank didn't like Miss Boomer.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Piddock didn't want to cast no looks onto nobody, nor make no
+impressions. She wuz a mourner for Old Piddock, that anybody could see
+with one eye, or hear with one ear&mdash;that is, if they could understand
+the secrets of sithes; they wuz deep ones as I ever hearn, and I have
+hearn deep ones in my time, if anybody ever did, and breathed 'em out
+myself&mdash;the land knows I have!</p>
+
+<p>Miss Plank loved Miss Piddock like a sister; she said that she felt
+drawed to her from the first, and the drawin's had gone on ever
+sence&mdash;growin' more stronger all the time.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, ther<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[Pg 194]</a></span>e wuz two elderly men, very respectable, with two wives, one
+apiece, lawful and right, and their children, and Miss Schack and her
+three children, and a Mr. Bolster, and that wuz all there wuz of us,
+includin' and takin' in my pardner and myself.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Freeman wuz very rich, so Miss Plank said, and had three or four
+splendid rooms, the best&mdash;"sweet"&mdash;in the house, she said.</p>
+
+<p>I spoze she spoke in that way to let us know they wuz furnished
+<i>sweet</i>&mdash;that is, I spoze so.</p>
+
+<p>His mother had died there, and he couldn't bear to know that anybody
+else had her rooms; so he kep 'em all, and paid high for 'em, so she
+said, and wuz as much to be depended on for punctuality, and honesty, as
+the Bank of England, or the mines of Golcondy.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, Miss Plank said that, with all his sociable, pleasant ways with
+everybody, he wuz a millionare&mdash;made it in sugar, I believe she said&mdash;I
+know it wuz sunthin' good to eat, and sort o' sweet&mdash;it might have been
+molasses&mdash;I won't be sure.</p>
+
+<p>But anyway he got so awful rich by it that he could live anywhere he wuz
+a mind to&mdash;in a palace, if he took it into his head to want one.</p>
+
+<p>But instead of branchin' out and makin' a great show, he jest kep right
+on a-livin' in the rooms he had took s<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[Pg 196]</a></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[Pg 195]</a></span>o long ago for his family. But
+they had all gone and left him, his mother dead, and his two nieces gone
+with their father to California, where they wuz in a convent school.
+And he kep right on a-livin' in the old rooms.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Plank told me in confidence, and on the hair-cloth sofa in the
+upper hall, that it would be a big wrench if he ever left there.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 379px;">
+<img src="images/illus206.png" width="379" height="500"
+alt="Miss Plank told me in confidence that it would be a big wrench if he left."
+title="Miss Plank told me in confidence that it would be a big wrench if he left." />
+<span class="caption">Miss Plank told me in confidence that it would be a big wrench if he left.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>She said, "She didn't say it because he wuz a bacheldor and she a
+widder, she said it out of pure-respect."</p>
+
+<p>And I believed it, a good deal of the time I did; for good land! she wuz
+old enough to be his ma, and more too.</p>
+
+<p>But he acted dretful pretty to her, I could see that. Not findin' no
+fault, eatin' hash jest as calm as if he wuzn't engaged in a strange and
+mysterious business.</p>
+
+<p>For great, <i>great</i> is the mystery of boardin'-house hash.</p>
+
+<p>Not a-mindin' the children's noise&mdash;indeed, a-courtin' it, as you may
+say, for he would coax the youngest and most troublesome one away from
+its tired mother sometimes, and keep it by him at the table, and wait on
+it.</p>
+
+<p>He thought his eyes of children, so Miss Plank said.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[Pg 197]</a></span></p>
+<p>I might have thought that he took care of the child on its mother's
+account, out of sentiment instead of pity, if Miss Schack hadn't been
+as humbly as humbly could be, and a big wart on the end of her nose, and
+a cowlick. She had three children, and they wuz awful, awful to git
+along with.</p>
+
+<p>Her husband "wuz on the road," she said. And we couldn't any of us
+really make out from what she said what he wuz a-doin' there, whether he
+wuz a-movin' along on it to his work, or jest a-settin' there.</p>
+
+<p>But anyway she talked a good deal about his "bein' on the road," and how
+much better the children behaved "before he went on it."</p>
+
+<p>They jest rid over her, and over us too, if we would let 'em.</p>
+
+<p>They wuz the awfullest children I ever laid eyes on, for them that had
+such pious and well-meanin' names.</p>
+
+<p>There wuz John Wesley, and Martin Luther, and little Peter Cooper
+Schack.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Schack wuz a well-principled woman, no doubt, and I dare say had
+high idees before they wuz jarred, and hauled down, and stomped and
+tramp<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[Pg 198]</a></span>led on, by noise and confusion. And I dare presoom to say that she
+had named them children a-hopin' and a-expectin' some of the high and
+religious qualities of their namesakes would strike in. But to set and
+hear Martin Luther swear at John Wesley wuz a sight. And to see John
+Wesley clench his fists in Martin Luther's hair and kick him wuz enough
+to horrify any beholder. But Peter Cooper wuz the worst; to see him take
+everything away from his brothers he possibly could, and devour it
+himself, and want everything himself, and be mad if they had anything,
+and steal from 'em in the most cold-blooded way, and act&mdash;why, it wuz
+enough to make that blessed old philanthropist, Peter Cooper, turn over
+in his grave.</p>
+
+<p>They wuz dretful troublesome and worrisome to the rest of the boarders,
+but Mr. Freeman could quell 'em down any time&mdash;sometimes by lookin' at
+'em and smilin', and sometimes by lookin' stern, and sometimes by candy
+and oranges.</p>
+
+<p>I declare for't, as I told Miss Plank sometimes, I didn't know what we
+would have done durin' some hot meal times if it hadn't been for that
+blessed bacheldor.</p>
+
+<p>I said that right out openly to Miss Plank, and to everybody else. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[Pg 199]</a></span>Bein'
+married happy, I felt free to speak my mind about bacheldors, or
+anything. Of course, bein' a widder, Miss Plank felt more hampere<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[Pg 200]</a></span>d.</p>
+
+<p>And he wuz good to me in other ways, besides easin' my cares and nerves
+at the table.</p>
+
+<p>His rooms wuz jest acrost the hall from ourn, and my Josiah's and my
+room wuz very small; it wuz the best that Miss Plank could do, so I
+didn't complain. But it wuz very compressed and confined, and extremely
+hot.</p>
+
+<p>When we wuz both in there sometimes on sultry days, I felt like
+compressed meat, or as I mistrusted that would feel, sort o' canned up,
+as it were.</p>
+
+<p>And one warm afternoon, 'most sundown, jest as I opened my door into the
+hall, to see if I could git a breath of fresh air to recooperate me,
+Josiah a-pantin' in the rockin'-chair behind me, Mr. Freeman opened his
+door, and so there we wuz a-facin' each other.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus210.png" width="500" height="342"
+alt="And so there we wuz a-facin&#39; each other." title="And so there we wuz a-facin&#39; each other." />
+<span class="caption">And so there we wuz a-facin' each other.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>And bein' sort o' took by surprise, I made the observation that "I wuz
+jest about melted, and so wuz my Josiah, and my room wuz like a dry oven
+and a tin can."</p>
+
+<p>I wouldn't have said it if I hadn't been so sort o' flustrated, and by
+the side of myself.</p>
+
+<p>And he jest swung open his door into a big cool parlor, and I could see
+beyend the doors open into two or three other <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[Pg 201]</a></span>handsome rooms.</p>
+
+<p>And, sez he, "I wish, Mrs. Allen, that you and your husband would come
+in here and see if it isn't cooler." Sez he, "I feel rather lonesome,
+and would be glad to have you come in and visit for a spell."</p>
+
+<p>He told me afterwards that it wuz the anniversary of his mother's death.</p>
+
+<p>He looked sort o' sad, and as if he really wanted company. So we thanked
+him, or I did, and we walked in and sot down in some big, cool cane-seat
+easy-chairs.</p>
+
+<p>And we sot there and visited back and forth for quite a spell, and took
+comfort. Yes, indeed, we did. This room wuz on the cool side of the
+house, and the still side. And it wuz big and furnished beautiful. It
+wuzn't Miss Plank's taste, I could see that.</p>
+
+<p>No, her taste is fervent and gorgeous. Gildin' is her favorite
+embellishment, and chromos, high-colored, and red.</p>
+
+<p>This room wuz covered with pure white mattin', and such rugs on it
+scattered over the floor as I never see, and don't know as I ever shall
+see agin.</p>
+
+<p>Some on 'em was pure white silky fur, and some on 'em as r<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[Pg 202]</a></span>ich in
+colorin' as the most wonderful sunset colors you ever see in the red and
+golden west, or in the trees of a maple forest in October.</p>
+
+<p>And such pictures as hung on the walls I never see.</p>
+
+<p>Why, on one side of the room hung a picture that looked as if you wuz
+a-gazin' right out into a green field at sunset. There wuz a deep, cool
+rivulet a-gurglin' along over the pebbles, and the green, moist
+rushes&mdash;why, you could almost hear it.</p>
+
+<p>And the blue sky above&mdash;why, you could almost see right up through it,
+it looked so clear and transparent. And the cattle a-comin'up through
+the bars to be milked. Why, you could almost hear the girl call, "Co,
+boss! co, boss!" as she stood by the side of the bars with her
+sun-bunnet a-hangin' back from her pretty face, and her milk-pail on her
+arm.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 361px;">
+<img src="images/illus213.png" width="361" height="500"
+alt="&quot;Co, boss! co, boss!&quot;" title="&quot;Co, boss! co, boss!&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"Co, boss! co, boss!"</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Why, you could fairly hear the swash, swash of the water, as the old
+brindle cow plashed through its cool waves.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[Pg 203]</a></span></p>
+<p>It beat all I ever see, and Josiah felt jest as I did. The beautiful
+face of the girl looked dretful familiar to me, though I couldn't tell
+for my life who it wuz that she looked so much like.</p>
+
+<p>And there on every side of us wuz jest as pretty pictures as that, and
+some white marble figures, that stood up almost as big as life on their
+marble pedestals, and aginst the dark red draperies.</p>
+
+<p>Why, take it all in all, it was the prettiest room I had ever looked at
+in my life, and so I told Mr. Freeman.</p>
+
+<p>And, if you'll believe it, that man up and said right there that we wuz
+perfectly free to use that room jest as much as we wanted to.</p>
+
+<p>He said he had another room as large as this that he staid in most of
+his time when he was at home&mdash;his writin'-desk wuz in that room. But he
+was not here much of the time, only to sleep and to his meals.</p>
+
+<p>And as he said this, what should that almost angel man do but to put a
+key in my hand, so Josiah and I could come in any time, whether he wuz
+here or not.</p>
+
+<p>Why, I wuz fairly dumbfoundered, and so wuz Josiah. But we thanked him
+warm, very warm, warmer than the weather, and that stood more'n ninety
+in the shade.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[Pg 204]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>And I told him&mdash;for I see that he really meant what he said&mdash;I told him
+that the chance of comin' in there and settin' down in that cool, big
+room, once in a while, as a change from our dry oven, would be a boon.
+And I didn't know but it would be the means of savin' our two lives, for
+meltin' did seem to be our doom and our state ahead on us, time and time
+agin.</p>
+
+<p>And he spoke right up in his pleasant, sincere way, and said, "The more
+we used it the more it would please him."</p>
+
+<p>And then he opened the doors of a big bookcase&mdash;all carved off the doors
+wuz, and the top, and the beautiful head of a white marble female
+a-standin' up above it. And he sez&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Here are a good many books that are fairly lonesome waiting to be read,
+and you are more than welcome to read them."</p>
+
+<p>Wall, I thanked him agin, and I told him that he wuz too good to us. And
+I couldn't settle it in my own mind what made him act so. Of course, not
+knowin' at that time that I favored his mother in my looks&mdash;his mother
+he had worshipped so that he kep her room jest as she left it, and
+wouldn't have a thing changed.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[Pg 205]</a></span></p>
+<p>But I didn't know that, as I say, and I said to my Josiah, after we went
+back into our room&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "It must be that we do have a good look to us, Josiah Allen, or
+else that perfect stranger wouldn't treat us as he has."</p>
+
+<p>"Perfect stranger!" sez Josiah. "Why, we have neighbored with him 'most
+a week. But," sez he, "you are right about our looks&mdash;we are dum
+good-lookin', both on us. I am pretty lookin'," says he, firmly, "though
+you hain't willin' to own up to it."</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, "I dare presoom to say, he thought I would be a sort of a
+ornament to his rooms&mdash;kinder set 'em off. And you look respectable,"
+sez he, sort o' lookin' down on me&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Only you are too fat!" Sez he, "You'd be quite good-lookin' if it
+wuzn't for that."</p>
+
+<p>And then we had some words.</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, "It hain't none of our merits that angel looks at; it is his
+own goodness."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall, there hain't no use in your callin' him an angel. You never
+called me so."</p>
+
+<p>"No, indeed!" sez I; "I never had no occasion, not at all."</p>
+
+<p>And then we had some more words&mdash;not many, but jest a few. We worship
+each other, and it is <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[Pg 206]</a></span>known to be so, all over Jonesville, and Loontown,
+and Zoar. And I spozed by that time that Chicago wuz a-beginnin' to wake
+up to the truth of how much store we sot by each other. But the fairest
+spring day is liable to have its little spirts of rain, and they only
+make the air sweeter and more refreshin'.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, from that time, every now and then&mdash;not enough to abuse his
+horsepitality, but enough to let him know that we appreciated his
+goodness&mdash;when our dry oven become heated up beyend what we could seem
+to bear, we went into that cool, delightful room agin, and agin I
+feasted my eyes on the lovely pictures on the wall; most of all on that
+beautiful sunset scene down by the laughin' stream.</p>
+
+<p>And as hot and beat out as I might be, I would always find that pretty
+girl a-standin', cool and fresh, and dretful pretty, by the old bar
+post, with her orburn hair pushed back from her flushed cheeks, and a
+look in her deep brown eyes, and on her exquisite lips, that always put
+me dretfully in mind of somebody, and who it wuz I could not for my life
+tell.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah used to take a book out of the bookcase, and read. Not one glance
+did I ever give, or did I ever let Josiah Allen give to them other rooms
+that opened out of this, nor into anything or anywhere, only jest that
+bookcase. We didn't abuse our priveleges; no, in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[Pg 207]</a></span>deed!</p>
+
+<p>And Josiah would lean back dretful well-feelin', and thinkin' in his
+heart that it wuz his good looks that wuz wanted to embellish the room,
+and I kep on a wonderin' inside of myself what made Mr. Freeman so
+oncommon good to us, till one day he told us sunthin' that made it
+plainer to us, and Josiah Allen's pride had a fall (which, if his pride
+hadn't been composed of materials more indestructible than iron or gutty
+perchy, it would have been broke to pieces long before, so many times
+and so fur had it fell).</p>
+
+<p>But Mr. Freeman one day showed us a picture of his mother in a little
+velvet case. And, sez he to me&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"You look like her; I saw it the first time I met you."</p>
+
+<p>And I do declare the picture did look like me, only mebby&mdash;<i>mebby</i> I
+say, she wuzn't quite so good-lookin'.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, I did look like his mother. And then I see the secret of his
+interest in, and his kindness to me and mine.</p>
+
+<p>And Mr. Freeman wuz raised up in my mind as many as 2 notches, and I
+don't know but 3 or 4. To think <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[Pg 208]</a></span>that he loved his mother's memory so
+well as to be so kind for her sake, for the sake of a fleetin' likeness,
+to be so good to another female.</p>
+
+<p>But Josiah Allen looked meachin'. I gin him a dretful meanin' look. I
+didn't say nothin', only jest that look, but it spoke volumes and
+volumes, and my pardner silently devoured the volumes, and, as I say,
+looked meachin' for pretty near a quarter of a hour.</p>
+
+<p>And that is a long time for a man to look smut, and conscience-struck.
+It hain't in 'em to be mortified for any length of time, as is well
+known by female pardners.</p>
+
+<p>But we kep on a-goin'. And every single time I went into that beautiful
+room, whether it wuz broad daylight or lit up by gas, every single time
+the face of that tall slender girl, a-standin' there so calm by the
+crystal brook, would look so natural to me, and so sort o' familiar,
+that I almost ketched myself sayin'&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Good-evenin', my dear," to it, which would have been perfectly
+ridiculous in me, and the very next thing to worshippin' a graven image.</p>
+
+<p>And what made it more mysterious to me, and more like a circus (a
+solemn, high-toned circus), wuz, to ketch ever and anon, and I guess
+often<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[Pg 209]</a></span>er than that, Mr. Freeman's eyes bent on that pretty young face
+with a look as if he too recognized her, and wanted to talk to her. And
+some, too, he looked as if she wuz dead and buried, and he wuz
+a-mournin' deep for her, <i>very</i> deep.</p>
+
+<p>As curious a look as I ever see; and if I hain't seen curious looks in
+my time, then I will say nobody has. Yes, indeed! I have seen curious
+looks in my journey through life, curious as a dog, and curiouser.</p>
+
+<p>But there she stood, no matter what looks wuz cast on her from friend or
+foe&mdash;and I guess it would sound better to say from friend or lover, for
+nobody could be a foe to that radiant-faced, beautiful creeter.</p>
+
+<p>There she stood, in sun or shade, knee-deep in them fresh green grasses,
+a-lookin' off onto them sunset clouds always rosy and golden, by the
+side of that streamlet that always had the sparkle on its tiny waves.</p>
+
+<p>I might be tired and weak as a cat, and Mr. Freeman might have the
+headache, and Josiah Allen be cross, and all fagged out&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>But her face wuz always serene, and lit up with the glow of joy and
+health, and her sweet, deep eyes always held the secret that she
+couldn't be made to tell.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[Pg 210]</a></span></p>
+<p>Mr. Bolster was a stout, middle-aged man, with bald head, side whiskers,
+and a double chin. And his big blue eyes kinder stood out from his face
+some. He was a real estate agent, so Miss Plank said. But his principal
+business seemed to be a-praisin' up Chicago, and a-puffin' up the
+World's Fair.</p>
+
+<p>Good land! Columbus didn't need none of his patronizin' and puffin' up,
+and Chicago didn't, not by his tell.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah wuz dretful impressed by him. We didn't lead off to the Fair
+ground the next day after our arrival. No; at my request, we took life
+easy&mdash;onpacked our trunks and got good and rested, and the mornin'
+follerin' we got up middlin' early, bein' used to keepin' good hours in
+Jonesville, and on goin' down to the breakfast-table we found that there
+wuzn't nobody there but Mr. Bolster. He always had a early breakfast,
+and drove his own horse into the city to his place of business.</p>
+
+<p>He looked that wide awake and active as if he never had been asleep, and
+never meant to.</p>
+
+<p>And my companion bein' willin', and Mr. Bolster bein' more than willin',
+they plunged to once into a conversation concernin' <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[Pg 211]</a></span>Chicago, Miss Plank
+and I a-listenin' to 'em some of the time, and some of the time
+a-talkin' on our own hook, as is the ways of wimmen.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Bolster&mdash;and I believe he knew that we wuz from York State, and did
+it partly in a boastin' way&mdash;he begun most to once to prove that Chicago
+wuz the only place in America at all suitable to hold the World's Fair
+in.</p>
+
+<p>And I gin him to understand that I thought that New York would have been
+a good place for it, and it wuz a disapintment to me and to several
+other men and wimmen in the State to not have it there.</p>
+
+<p>But Mr. Bolster says, "Why, Chicago is the only place at all proper for
+it. Why," sez he, "in a way of politeness, Chicago is the only place for
+it. In what other city could the foreigners be welcomed by their own
+people as they can here?" Sez he&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"In Chicago over 75 per cent of the population is foreign."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez Josiah, with a air as if he had made population a study from
+his youth.</p>
+
+<p>But he didn't know nothin' about it, no more than I did.</p>
+
+<p>Sez Mr. Bolster, "Out of a population of a little over a million
+200,000, we have nine hundred an<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[Pg 212]</a></span>d 14,000 foreigners. That shows in
+itself that Chicago is the only city calculated to make our foreign
+friends feel perfectly at home."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez Josiah, "that is very true."</p>
+
+<p>But I sez to Miss Plank, "There is other folks I like jest as well as I
+do my relations, and if they had thought so much on 'em, why didn't they
+stay with 'em in the first place?"</p>
+
+<p>And Miss Plank kinder looked knowin' and nodded her head; she couldn't
+swing right out free, as I could, bein' hampered by not wantin' to
+offend any of her boarders.</p>
+
+<p>Sez Mr. Bolster, "Chicago has the most energetic and progressive people
+in the world. It hain't made up, like a Eastern village, of folks that
+stay to home and set round on butter-tubs in grocery stores, talkin'
+about hens. No, it is made up of people who dared&mdash;who wuz too
+energetic, progressive, and ambitious, to settle down and be content
+with what their fathers had. And they struck out new paths for
+themselves, as the Pilgrim Fathers did.</p>
+
+<p>"And it is of these people, who represent the advancin' and progressive
+thought of the day, that Chicago is made up. It embodies the best energy
+and ambition of the Eastern States and of Europe."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez Josiah, "that is jest so."</p>
+
+<p>And then, sez Mr. Bolster, "Chicago is, as is well known, in the very
+centre of the eart<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[Pg 213]</a></span>h."</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 360px;">
+<img src="images/illus224.png" width="360" height="500"
+ alt="&quot;Chicago is the very centre of the earth.&quot;" title="&quot;Chicago is the very centre of the earth.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"Chicago is the very centre of the earth."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez Josiah.</p>
+
+<p>But I struck in here, and couldn't help it, and, sez I, "That is what
+Boston has always thought;" and, sez I, candidly, "That is what has
+always been thought about Jonesville."</p>
+
+<p>He looked pityin'ly at me, and, sez he, "Where is Jonesville?"</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, "Jest where I told you, in the very centre of the earth, as
+nigh as we can make out."</p>
+
+<p>"How old is the place?" sez Mr. Bolster.</p>
+
+<p>Sez I proudly, "It is more than a hundred and fifty years old, for Uncle
+Nate Bently's grandfather built the first store there, and helped build
+the first Meetin'-House; and," sez I, "Uncle Nate is over ninety."</p>
+
+<p>"How many inhabitants has it?" sez he briskly.</p>
+
+<p>And then my own feathers had to droop; and as I paused to collect my
+thoughts, Josiah spoke up&mdash;he is always so forward&mdash;and, sez he, "About
+200 and 10 or 11."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[Pg 214]</a></span></p>
+<p>But I sez, with dignity, "Perhaps I know more about some things than
+you do, Josiah. There may be, by this time, one or two more
+inhabitants."</p>
+
+<p>Sez Mr. Bolster, "A growth of about 200 in one hundred years! Chicago is
+about half as old, and has one million eight hundred thousand
+population. In ten years the population has increased 108 per cent, and
+property has increased in the same time 656 per cent, the greatest
+growth in the world."</p>
+
+<p>He regarded Jonesville as he would a fly in dog days. He went right by
+it.</p>
+
+<p>"As I was saying, we say nothing about Chicago but what we can prove.
+Look on the map and you will see for yourself that Chicago is right in
+the centre of the habitable portion of North America. Put your thumb
+down on Chicago, and then sweep round it in an even circle with your
+middle finger, and you will see that it takes in with that sweep all the
+settled portion of North America."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez Josiah, with a air as if he had proved it with his thumb and
+finger, time and agin, but he hadn't no such thing.</p>
+
+<p>Sez Mr. Bolster, "We say nothing about our City that we can't prove. As
+Chicago is in the very centre of productive North America, so it is the
+centre of population of the United States.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[Pg 215]</a></span></p>
+<p>"It is the centre of the raw materials for manufactures, cotton, wool,
+metals, coal, gas, oil fields, all sorts of food. And as it is the
+centre of supply, so it is of distribution&mdash;60 railroads and branches
+bring freight and carry out manufactured products to every part of the
+country&mdash;to say nothing of the great number of lines of water
+transportations&mdash;connecting with all parts of the world. Why, last year
+Chicago had 50 per cent more arrivals and clearances than New York. It
+is the greatest shipping place in America. And," sez Mr. Bolster, "not
+only can we prove that Chicago is the centre of the world for
+manufactures, but it is the healthiest place to live in."</p>
+
+<p>And then agin I spoke out, and, sez I, "I always hearn that it was built
+on low, swampy ground."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez Mr. Bolster cheerfully, "that is the reason why it is
+healthy. The ground was originally low and wet, and so it was elevated,
+filled in. Why, just before the great fire we lifted up all the houses,
+in the best part of the city, on jack-screws for eight feet, and filled
+the ground under them. The idea of lifting up a whole city eight feet
+and making new ground under it! There never was such an undertaking
+before since the world began.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[Pg 216]</a></span></p><p>"And then the fire come, and the city was rebuilt just as we wanted it.
+Why, the death-rate of Chicago is lower than almost any city of the
+world except London&mdash;it is just about the same as that. Then," sez he,
+"our climate is perfect; it is so temperate and even that folks don't
+have to spend all their energies in keeping warm, as they do in colder
+climates, nor is it so warm that they have to spend their vital energies
+in fanning themselves."</p>
+
+<p>Sez Josiah, "I had ruther mow a beaver medder in dog days than to fan
+myself&mdash;it wouldn't tire me so much."</p>
+
+<p>Sez Mr. Bolster, "The climate is <i>just</i> right to call forth the prudent
+saving qualities to provide for the winter; and warm enough to keep them
+happy and cheerful looking forward to bounteous harvests."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "it got burnt up, anyway."</p>
+
+<p>It fairly provoked me to see him look down so on all the rest of the
+world.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez he, "that is another evidence of the city's marvellous power
+and resources. Find me another city, if you can, where in a few hours
+200 millions of dollars were burnt up, two thousand 100 acres burnt
+over, right in the heart of a big city, with a loss of two hundred and
+ninety million dollars,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[Pg 217]</a></span> and then to have it spring up in a marvellously
+short time&mdash;not only as good as new, but infinitely better; so much
+better that the disaster proved to be an untold blessing to the city."</p>
+
+<p>Truly, as I see, swamps couldn't dround out his self-conceit, nor fire
+burn it up.</p>
+
+<p>And I knew myself that Chicago had great reason to be proud of her
+doin's, and I felt it in my heart, only I couldn't bear to see Mr.
+Bolster act so haughty.</p>
+
+<p>And I sez to my pardner, with quite a lot of dignity, "I guess it is
+time we are goin', if we get to the Fair in any season."</p>
+
+<p>And Mr. Bolster to once told us what way would be best for us to go. A
+good-natured creeter he is, without any doubt.</p>
+
+<p>But jest as we wuz startin' I happened to think of a errent that had
+been sent me by Jim Meesick, he that wuz Philura Meesick's brother.</p>
+
+<p>He wanted to get a place to work somewhere in Chicago, through the Fair,
+so's to pay his way, and gin him a chance to go to the Fair.</p>
+
+<p>I had already asked Miss Plank about it, but she didn't know of no
+openin' for him, and I happened to think, mebby Mr. Bolster, seein<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[Pg 218]</a></span>' he
+knew everything else, might know of a place where Jim could get work.</p>
+
+<p>And, sez I, "He is handy at anything, and I spoze there are lots of
+folks here in Chicago that hire help. I spoze some of 'em have as many
+as four or five hired men apiece."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "There are them in Jonesville, durin' the summer time, who employ
+as high as two men by the day, besides the regular hired man, and I
+spoze it is so here."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez he; "Mr. Pullmen has five thousand four hundred and fifty
+hired men, and Philip Armoor has seven thousand seven hundred and
+seventy-five."</p>
+
+<p>Wall, there wuz no more to be said. Bolster had done what he sot out to
+do&mdash;he had lowered my pride down lower than the Queen of Sheba's ever
+wuz, by fur. I had no sperit left in me. He might have gone on to me by
+the hour, and I not sensed it.</p>
+
+<p>But I didn't let on how I felt. I only sez weakly, "Wall, they hain't
+a-sufferin' for help, I guess, and I'll write to Philura so."</p>
+
+<p>But Bolster, good-natured agin, sez, "I will look round, and see what I
+can do for him." And he snatched out a note-book, and writ his name
+down.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[Pg 219]</a></span> And I thanked him, and weakly follered my companion from the
+room.</p>
+
+<p>And I felt that if the door had been much smaller I could have got out
+of it. I felt very diminutive&mdash;very&mdash;almost tiny. But I got over it
+pretty soon. I felt about my usial size as we descended the stairs and
+stood on the steps, ready to sally out and take the street cars that wuz
+to transport our bodys to the Christopher Columbus World's Fair.</p>
+
+<p>But while we wuz a-standin' there a-lookin' round to see jest which wuz
+the best way to go to get to the corner Miss Plank had directed us to,
+Mr. Bolster come down the steps spry and active as a young cat, and, sez
+he&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"My carriage is waiting to take me to my orfice, and I will be glad to
+take you both in, and take you past some of our city sights, and I will
+leave you at a station where the train will take you right to the
+grounds."</p>
+
+<p>So we accepted his offer, Josiah with joy and I with a becomin' dignity,
+and the carriage sot off down the street.</p>
+
+<p>And what follers truly seems like a dream to me, and so duz the talk
+accompanyin' it. The tall buildin's we looked at, one of 'em 260 feet
+high, 20 storys&mdash;elevators that carry 4<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[Pg 220]</a></span>0,000 passengers&mdash;and a garden on
+the roof, a garden 260 feet in the air, where you can set and talk and
+eat nut-cakes, and fried oysters&mdash;the idee!</p>
+
+<p>And then the block that Mr. Bolster said wuz the largest business block
+in the world, it accomidated 6000 people. And then we went by big
+meetin'-housen, and other big housen, whose ruffs seemed so high that it
+seemed as if you could stand up on the chimblys and shake hands with the
+man in the moon, and neighbor with him.</p>
+
+<p>And then the talk I hearn&mdash;22 miles of river frontage sweepin' up from
+the lake into the heart of the city, where the giant elevators unload
+their huge traffic. He told us what the revenue of the city wuz yearly,
+$25,000,000, 25 millions&mdash;the idee!</p>
+
+<p>And Jonesville, fifty years older than Chicago, thinks she has done well
+if she has 3 dollars and 25 cents in her treasury.</p>
+
+<p>Why, that man used so many immense sums in his talk, that I got all
+muddled up, and a ort seemed to me almost like a million&mdash;I felt queer.</p>
+
+<p>And then the system of Parks and Boulevards, the finest in the
+world&mdash;100 miles of them beautiful pleasure drives. I believe, from what
+I see afterwards, that he told the truth, for no city, it seems to me,
+could improve on that lon<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[Pg 221]</a></span>g, broad, beautiful way, smooth and
+tree-bordered, edged with stately homes, leadin' into the matchless
+beauty of the Parks.</p>
+
+<p>But anon, when I felt that I wuz bein' crushed down beneath a gigantic
+weight of figgers, and estimates, elevators, population, hite, depth,
+underground tunnels, and systems of drainage&mdash;though every one of 'em
+wuz a grand and likely subject and awful big&mdash;but I felt that I wuz
+a-bein' crushed by 'em&mdash;I felt that the Practical, the Real wuz a
+crushin' me down&mdash;the weight, and noise, and size of the mighty iron
+wheel of Progress, that duz roll faster in Chicago than in any other
+place on earth, it seems to me. But I felt so trodden down by it, and
+flattened out, that I thought I would love to see sunthin' or other
+different, sunthin' kinder spiritual, and meditate a spell on some of
+the onseen forces that underlays all human endeavor.</p>
+
+<p>So, at my request, we went out of our way a little, so I could set my
+eyes on that Temple dreamed out by a woman and wrought a good deal by
+faith, some like the walls of Jericho, only different, for whereas they
+fell by faith, this wuz riz up by it.</p>
+
+<p>And my feelin's as I looked at that Temple wuz large and noble-sized as
+you will find anywhere.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[Pg 222]</a></span></p><p>A Temple consecrated not so much to the Almighty in Heaven, who don't
+need it, as to God in Humanity&mdash;to the help of the Divine as it shows
+itself half buried and lost in the clay of the human&mdash;a help to relieve
+the God powers from the trammels of the fiend&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>A Temple&mdash;not so much to set, and pray, and sing in, about the beauties
+of our Heavenly home, as to build up God's kingdom on earth, show forth
+His praise in helpin' His poor, and weak, and sinful.</p>
+
+<p>My feelin's wuz a sight&mdash;a sight to behold, as I sot and looked at
+it&mdash;that tall, noble, majestic pile, and thought of the way it wuz
+built, and what it wuz built for.</p>
+
+<p>But as we drove on agin, my mind got swamped once more in a sea of
+immense figgers that swashed up agin me&mdash;elevators that carry grain up
+to the top of towerin' buildin's, 10,000 bushels a hour, and then come
+down its own self and weigh itself, and I guess put itself into bags and
+tie 'em up&mdash;though he didn't speak in particuler about the tyin' up.</p>
+
+<p>And then he praised their stores&mdash;one of 'em which employed 2,000,400
+men. And then he praised up their teliphone system, so perfect that
+nothin' could happen in any part of the city without its bein' known to
+once at police headquarters.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[Pg 223]</a></span></p>
+<p>And then he praised up agin and agin the business qualities and
+go-ahead-it-ivness of the people, and how property had riz.</p>
+
+<p>"Why," sez he, "Chicago and three hundred miles around it wuz bought for
+five shillings not so long ago as your little town was founded, and now
+look at the uncounted millions it represents."</p>
+
+<p>And then he boasted about the Board of Trade, and said its tower wuz 300
+feet high. And, sez he, "While folks all over the world are prayin' for
+their daily bread, the men inside that building was deciding whether
+they could get it or not."</p>
+
+<p>And after he talked about everything else connected with Chicago, and
+hauled up figgers and heaped 'em up in front of me till my brain reeled,
+and my mind tottered back, and tried to lean onto old Rugers'
+Rithmatick&mdash;and couldn't, he wuz so totally inadequate to the
+circumstances&mdash;he mentioned "that they had 6000 saloons in Chicago, and
+made twenty-one million barrels of beer in a year."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, a-turnin' round in the buggy, "my brain has been made a
+wreck by the figgers you have brung up and throwed at me about the
+noble, progressive doin's of Chicago, and," sez I firmly, "I wuz willin'
+to have it, for I<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[Pg 224]</a></span> respect and honor the people who could do such
+wonders, and keepon a-doin' 'em, to the admiration of the world. But,"
+sez I, "my brain <i>shall not</i> totter under none of your beer and whiskey
+statisticks." And as I spoke I put my hand to my fore-top, and I looked
+quite bad, and truly I felt so.</p>
+
+<p>He glanced at me, and see that I wuz not in a situation to be trifled
+with.</p>
+
+<p>And as we wuz jest approachin' the station where we wuz to be left, he
+ceased his remarks, and held his horse in.</p>
+
+<p>He helped me to alight, and I thanked him for his kindness, and acted as
+polite as a person could whose brain lay a wreck in the upper part of
+her head. The last word Mr. Bolster said to us wuz, as he gathered up
+the reins, sez he:</p>
+
+<p>"Thirty-six lines of cars come to and leave Chicago, which, with its
+immense shipping facilities, makes it the&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>But the cars tooted jest then, and I didn't hear his last words, and I
+wuz glad on't, as I say, I had thanked him before.</p>
+
+<p>But good land! he would have carried two giraffes or camels willin'ly if
+he could have got 'em into his buggy, and sot 'em up by him on the seat,
+and could have boas<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[Pg 225]</a></span>ted to 'em understandin'ly about Chicago. But I guess
+he is well-meanin'.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_X" id="CHAPTER_X"></a>CHAPTER X.</h2>
+
+
+<p>Wall, after he left us we boarded some cars, and found ourselves, with
+the inhabitants of several States, I should judge, borne onwards towards
+the White City.</p>
+
+<p>And anon, or about that time, we found ourselves at a depot, where wuz
+the entire census of several other States, and Territories.</p>
+
+<p>There we wuz right in front of the Gole, and I don't believe there wuz a
+better-lookin' Gole sence the world begun.</p>
+
+<p>The minute we left the cars we found ourselves between two lines of
+wild-lookin' and actin' men, a-tryin' to sell us things we hadn't no
+need on.</p>
+
+<p>What did I want with a cane? or Josiah with a little creepin' beetle?
+And what did I want with galluses?</p>
+
+<p>They didn't use no judgment, and their yellin's wuz fearful; whatever
+else they had, they didn't have consumption, I don't believe.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[Pg 226]</a></span></p><p>After payin' our two fares, a little gate sort o' turned round and let
+us in to the Columbian World's Fair&mdash;that marvellous city of magic; and
+anon, if not a little before, the Adminstration Buildin' hove up in
+front of us.</p>
+
+<p>All the descriptions in the World can't give no idee of the wonderful
+proportions of the buildin's and the charm of the surroundin's. The
+minute you pass the gate you are overwhelmed with the greatness, charm,
+and nobility, the impressive, onspeakable aspect of the buildin's.</p>
+
+<p>The stucco, of which most of the buildin's are composed, made it
+possible for the artist and the architect to carry out their idees to a
+magnitude never before attempted. It is a material easy to be moulded
+into all rare and artistic shapes and groupin's, and still cheap enough
+to be used as free as their fancy dictated, and is as beautiful as
+marble.</p>
+
+<p>Colossial buildin's, beautiful enough for any Monarch, and which no
+goverment on earth wuz ever rich enough to carry out in permanent form.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, as I said, the Adminstration Buildin' wuz the one that hove up
+directly in front of us.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 373px;">
+<img src="images/illus238.png" width="373" height="500"
+alt="The Adminstration Buildin&#39; hove up directly in front of us."
+title="The Adminstration Buildin&#39; hove up directly in front of us." />
+<span class="caption">The Adminstration Buildin' hove up directly in front of us.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>It towers up in the circumambient air with its great gilded dome, and
+seems to begen to us all to come and pass through it into the marvels
+beyend.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[Pg 228]</a></span></p><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[Pg 227]</a></span></p>
+<p>This buildin' is like a main spring to a watch, or the pendulum to a
+gigantick clock&mdash;it regulates the hull of the rest of the works. Here is
+the headquarters of the managers of the World's Fair&mdash;the fire and
+police departments&mdash;the press, and them that have charge of the foreign
+nations.</p>
+
+<p>Here is a bank, post-office, and the department of general information
+about the Fair.</p>
+
+<p>And never, never sence the creation of the world has old General
+Information had a better-lookin' place to stay in.</p>
+
+<p>Why, some folks call this high, magnificent buildin', with its great
+shinin' dome, the handsomest buildin' amongst that city of matchless
+palaces. It covers four acres, every acre bein' more magnificent than
+the other acres. Why, the Widder Albert herself gin Mr. Hunt, the
+architect, a ticket, she was so tickled with his work.</p>
+
+<p>The dome on top of it is the biggest dome in the world, with the
+exception of St. Peter's in Rome. And it seemed to me, as I looked up at
+the dome, that Peter might have got along with one no bigger than this.</p>
+
+<p>Howsumever, it hain't for me to scrimp anybody in domes. But this wuz
+truly enormious.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">[Pg 229]</a></span></p><p>But none too big, mebby, for the nub on top of the gate of the World's
+Fair. That needs to be mighty in size, and of pure gold, to correspond
+with what is on the inside of the gate.</p>
+
+<p>But never wuz there such a gorgeous gate-way before, unless it wuz the
+gate-way of Paradise.</p>
+
+<p>Why, as you stood inside of that dome and looked way up, up, up towards
+the top, your feelin's soared to that extent that it almost took you
+offen your feet.</p>
+
+<p>Noble pictures and statutes you see here, too. Some on 'em struck
+tremendious hard blows onto my appreciation, and onto my head also.</p>
+
+<p>And a-lookin' on 'em made me feel well, dretful well, to see how much my
+sect wuz thought on in stun, and canvas, and such.</p>
+
+<p>There wuz Diligence, a good-lookin' woman, workin' jest as she always
+has, and is willin' to; there she sot a-spinnin' and a-bringin' up her
+children as good as she knew how.</p>
+
+<p>Mebby she wuz a-teachin' a Sunday-school lesson to the boy that stood by
+her.</p>
+
+<p>He had his arms full of ripe fruit and grapes. I am most afraid for his
+future, but she wuz a-teachin' him the best she could; you could see
+that by her looks.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">[Pg 230]</a></span></p><p>Then there wuz Truth, another beautiful woman, a-holdin' a lookin'-glass
+in her hand, and a-teachin' another little boy. Mebby it wuz the young
+Future she wuz a-learnin' to tell the truth, anyway, no matter how much
+it hurt him, how hard it hit aginst old custom and prejudices. He wuz
+a-leanin' affectionate on her, but his eyes wuz a-lookin' away&mdash;fur off.
+Mebby he'll hear to her, mebby he will&mdash;he's young; but I feel kinder
+dubersome about it.</p>
+
+<p>She held her glass dretful high. Mebby she laid out that Uncle Sam
+should see his old features in it, and mebby she wuz a-remindin' him
+that he ortn't to carve woman as a statute of Truth, and then not be
+willin' to hear her complaints when she tries to tell him about 'em, in
+his own place, where he makes his laws, year in and year out.</p>
+
+<p>If he believes she is truthful&mdash;and he must, or he wouldn't name her
+Truth and set her up so high for the nations to look at&mdash;what makes him,
+year after year, act towards wimmen as if he believed she wuz a-lyin'?
+It is onreasonable in him.</p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz Abundance, a woman and a man. I guess they had an
+abundance of everything for their comfort, and it looked real good to
+see they wuz both a-sharin' it.</p>
+
+<p>She wuz a-settin' in a chair, and he wuz on the floor. That might do for
+a M<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">[Pg 231]</a></span>onument, or Statute, but I don't believe they would foller it up so
+for day after day in real life, and they hadn't ort to. Men and wimmen
+ort to have the same settin' accommodations, and standin' too, and ort
+to be treated one of 'em jest as well as the other. They are both likely
+creeters, a good deal of the time.</p>
+
+<p>Then there wuz Tradition. Them wuz two old men, as wuz nateral&mdash;wimmen
+wuzn't in that&mdash;woman is in the future and the present. Them two men,
+a-lookin' considerable war-like, wuz a-talkin' over the past&mdash;the deeds
+of Might.</p>
+
+<p>They didn't need wimmen so much there, and I didn't feel as if I cared a
+cent to have her there.</p>
+
+<p>When they git to talkin' over the deeds of <i>Right</i>, I'd want wimmen to
+be present. <i>And she will be there.</i></p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz Liberty, agin a woman, beautiful and serene,
+a-depicterin' Liberty, and agin a-holdin' her arms round a young male
+child, and a-teachin' him.</p>
+<div class="figright" style="width: 334px;">
+<img src="images/illus242.png" width="334" height="500"
+alt="There was Liberty, beautiful and serene." title="There was Liberty, beautiful and serene." />
+<span class="caption">There was Liberty, beautiful and serene.</span>
+</div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">[Pg 232]</a></span></p>
+<p>That, too, filled me with high hope, that Uncle Sam had at last
+discovered the mean actions that wuz a-goin' on about wimmen; that he
+had seen the chains that wuz a-bindin' her, and a-gaulin' her.</p>
+
+<p>He wouldn't be likely to depicter her as Liberty, and set her up so high
+in the gate-way to the World's Fair, if he calculated to keep her on in
+the slavery she is now, a-bindin' her with her own heart-strings&mdash;takin'
+away her power to help her own heart's dearest, in their fights aginst
+the evils and temptations of the World.</p>
+
+<p>No, I believe Uncle Sam is a-goin' to turn over a new leaf&mdash;anyway,
+Liberty sot up there, a-lookin' off with a calm mean, and there wuz a
+smile on her face, as if she see a light in the future that begened to
+her.</p>
+
+<p>And then, there wuz Charity; of course she wuz a woman&mdash;she always is.</p>
+
+<p>She had two little boys by her; one had his hand on her heart, and that
+faithful heart wuz filled with love and pity for him, jest as it always
+has been, and always will be. Another wuz a-kneelin' at her feet, with
+her fosterin' hand on his head. A good-lookin' creeter Charity wuz, and
+well behaved.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">[Pg 233]</a></span></p>
+<p>Joy seemed to be enjoyin' herself first rate. Her pretty face seemed to
+answer back the music that the youth at her feet wuz a-rousin' from his
+magic flute.</p>
+
+<p>Theology wuz a wise, reverend-lookin' old man, a-thinkin' up a sermon,
+or a-thinkin' out some new system of religion, I dare presoom to say,
+for his book seemed to be half closed, and he wuz lost in deep thought.</p>
+
+<p>He looked first rate&mdash;a good and well-behaved old man, I hain't a doubt
+on't.</p>
+
+<p>Then, there wuz Patriotism&mdash;a man and a woman. He, a-standin' up ready
+to face danger, or die for his country; she, with her arms round him,
+a-lookin' up into his face, as if to say&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"If you must go, I will stay to home with a breakin' heart, and take
+care of the children, and do the barn chores."</p>
+
+<p>They both looked real good and noble. Mr. Bitters done first
+rate&mdash;Josiah couldn't have begun to done so well, nor I nuther.</p>
+
+<p>Then there wuz a dretful impressive statute there, a grand-lookin' old
+man, with his hand uplifted, a-tellin' sunthin' to a young child, who
+wuz a-listenin' eagerly.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_234" id="Page_234">[Pg 234]</a></span></p><p>I d'no who the old man wuz; there wuz broad white wings a-risin' up all
+round him, and it might be he wuz meant to depicter the Recordin'
+Angel; if he wuz, he could have got quills enough out of them wings to
+do all his writin' with.</p>
+
+<p>And it might be that it wuz Wisdom instructin' youth.</p>
+
+<p>And it might be some enterprisin' old goose-raiser a-tellin' his oldest
+boy the best way to save the white wings of ganders.</p>
+
+<p>But I don't believe this wuz so. There wuz a riz up, noble look on the
+old man's face that wuz never ketched, I don't believe, with wrestlin'
+with geese on a farm, and neighbors all round him.</p>
+
+<p>No, I guess it wuz the gray and wise old World a-instructin' the young
+Republic what to do and what not to do.</p>
+
+<p>The child looked dretful impetuous and eager, and ready to start off any
+minute, a good deal as our country does, and I presoom wherever the
+child wuz a-startin' for it will git there.</p>
+
+<p>A noble statute. Mr. Bitters did first rate.</p>
+
+<p>But when I git started on pictures and statutes&mdash;I don't know where or
+when to stop.</p>
+
+<p>But time hastens, and to resoom.</p>
+
+<p>As I reluctantly tore myself away from the glory and grandeur inside,
+and pass<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">[Pg 235]</a></span>ed through the buildin' to the outside, and a full view of the
+Court of Honor busted on to our bewildered vision, I did&mdash;I actually
+did feel weak as a cat.</p>
+
+<p>Never agin&mdash;never agin will such a seen glow and grow before mine eyes,
+till the streets of the New Jerusalem open before my vision.</p>
+
+<p>Beyend that wide Plaza, that long basin of clear sparklin' water, dotted
+all over its glowin' bosom with fairy-like gondolas, and gondolers,
+dressed in all the colors of the rainbow, or picturesque launches, with
+their gay freight of happy sightseers. And here and there, jest where
+they wuz needed, to look the best, wuz statutes and banners and the most
+gorgeous fountain that ever dripped water.</p>
+
+<p>Then the broad flights of snowy marble steps risin' from the water to
+the green flowery terraces, and then above them the magnificent white
+wonders of the different buildin's.</p>
+
+<p>And standin' up aginst the sky, and the blue waters of the lake, the
+tall ivory columns of the Perestyle stood, like a immense beautiful
+screen, to guard this White City of magic splendor.</p>
+
+<p>And risin' from the blue waters of the Basin stands the grand figure of
+the Republic, towerin' up a hundred feet high, lookin' jest as she ort
+to look. Calm, stately, but knowin'<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">[Pg 236]</a></span> in her heart jest what she had done,
+and jest what she hadn't done, knowin' jest what she had to be proud
+on, if she only let her mind run on't.</p>
+
+<p>But there wuz no high-headedness, no tostin' of her neck. No, fair and
+stately and serene as a dream Queen, she stood a fittin' centre for the
+onspeakable beauty of her surroundin's.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz all perfect, everything&mdash;no flaw in the perfect harmony of the
+seen. No limit to its onapproachable beauty. Yes, the glory of that seen
+as it bust onto my raptured vision will go with me through life, and
+won't never be outdone and replaced by anything more perfect, till that
+rapt hour when the mortal puts on immortality, and the glory that no eye
+hath seen busts on my glorified vision.</p>
+
+<p>And as we wended onwards and got still further views of the matchless
+wonders of the Columbus World's Fair&mdash;wall, I gin in, and felt and said,
+that I spozed I had had emotions all my life, and sights of 'em; why, I
+have had 'em as high as from 70 to 80 a minute right along for a hour on
+a stretch&mdash;sometimes when I have been rousted up about sunthin'.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_237" id="Page_237">[Pg 237]</a></span></p><p>But when I stood stun still in my tracts, and the full glory and beauty
+of that seen of wonder and enchantment broke onto my almost enraptured
+vision, I gin up that I never had had a emotion in my hull life, not
+one, nothin' but plain, common breathin's and sithes.</p>
+
+<p>When I see these snowy palaces, vast and beautiful and dreamlike, risin'
+up from the blue waters, and their pure white columns and statuary
+reflected into the mirrow below, and the green beauty of the Wooded
+Island, and the tall trees a-dottin' them here and there&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>And when I see the lagoon a-windin' along, and arched over with bridges,
+like the best of the beauty of Venice born agin, perfect and fresh in
+the heart of the New World&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>When I beheld the immense quantity of shrubs and flowers of every kind
+known to the world&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>And all along the blue waters of the Grand Basin, surrounded by the
+magnificence and glory of these beautiful palaces&mdash;the fountains
+a-sprayin' up, and waters a-flashin', and banners a-flyin', and the tall
+white statutes a-standin' on every side of us a-watchin' us with their
+still eyes, to see how we took in the transcendent seen, and how we
+appeared under the display&mdash;wall, I stood, as I say, stun still in my
+tracts, and sez to myself&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_238" id="Page_238">[Pg 238]</a></span></p><p>"It would be jest as easy to comprehend the wonder of this Exposition by
+readin' about it, as it would be for any one to try to judge Niagara by
+lookin' at a pan of dishwater."</p>
+
+<p>They are both water, but different, fur different.</p>
+
+<p>And you have got to take in the wonder and majesty of the sight, through
+the pores as it wuz, through all your soul, not at first, but it has got
+to grow and soak in, and make it a part of yourself.</p>
+
+<p>And then, when you have, you hain't a-goin' to describe it&mdash;words can't
+do it; you can walk through it and talk about the size of the buildin's,
+and the wonders of the display, but that hain't a-goin' to describe it,
+no more than the pan of dishwater can explain Niagara.</p>
+
+<p>You can converse about Niagara, the depth, the eddies, the swirl of the
+waters, the horseshoe falls, the rainbow that rises over it, the grotto,
+the slate-stun on the banks below, and so forth, and so forth, and so
+on.</p>
+
+<p>And how to show off the might and rush of the volume of water that
+shakes the earth, the mountain of shinin' mist that floats up to the
+wonderin' and admirin' heavens&mdash;how to paint this wonderful and
+inexpressible glory by tongue, how to put in words that which is
+migh<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_239" id="Page_239">[Pg 239]</a></span>tier than any words that wuz ever said or sung! Wonder and awe,
+overwhelmin' sensation that makes the pulse stop and then beat agin in
+bounds.</p>
+
+<p>When you paint a picture showin' the full power and depth of a mother's
+love; when you can paint the ardor and extacy that inspires the hero's
+soul as he leads the forlorn hope, and dies with his face to the foe&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Then you may try to describe Niagara; no pen, no tongue can describe
+this ever rushin', ever old and ever new Wonder of the new world.</p>
+
+<p>And no more can any pen describe the World's Fair, the tall, towerin'
+fruit of the four-century tree of civilization, and liberty, and equal
+rights.</p>
+
+<p>You can talk about the buildin's&mdash;how they are made, how long and wide
+they are. You can talk about the lagoons, the Grand Basin, the Bridges,
+the Statutes, the Fountains, the wonders of the flowers and foliage, the
+grandeur of the display, and so forth, and so forth, and so forth.</p>
+
+<p>But how to describe this as a hull, its immensity, its concentrated
+might of material, practical beauty and use, that moves the world with
+its volume and power&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Or the more wonderful forces and influences that arise from it, like a
+gold mist seek<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_240" id="Page_240">[Pg 240]</a></span>in' the Heavens, to fall in showers of blessin's to the
+uttermost ends of the earth&mdash;knowledge, wisdom, and beauty, of Freedom,
+and Individual Liberty, Educational, Moral, and Beneficent
+influences&mdash;who is a-goin' to describe all this?</p>
+
+<p>I can't, nor Josiah, nor Miss Plank, nor nobody. No, Mr. Bolster
+couldn't.</p>
+
+<p>Why, jest a-lookin' at it cracked the Old Liberty Bell, and I don't
+wonder. I spoze she tried to swing out and describe it, and bust her old
+sides in the attempt; anyway, that is what some think. The new crack is
+there, anyway. Who'd a thought on't&mdash;a bell that has stood so many
+different sights, and kep herself together? But I wuzn't surprised a
+mite to think it wuz too much for her&mdash;no, nobody could describe it.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 335px;">
+<img src="images/illus251.png" width="335" height="500"
+alt="She bust her old sides in the attempt." title="She bust her old sides in the attempt." />
+<span class="caption">She bust her old sides in the attempt.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>I know Miss Plank couldn't, for we met her there, or ruther she come
+onto us, as I stood stun still and nearly lost, and by the side of
+myself, and I felt so queer that I couldn't hardly speak to her. I don't
+know but she thought I felt big and haughty, but good<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_241" id="Page_241">[Pg 241]</a></span> land! how mistook
+she wuz if she thought so! I felt as small as I stood there that very
+minute, as one drop of milk in the hull milky way.</p>
+
+<p>But when my senses got kinder collected together, and my emotions got
+quelled down a little, I passed the usual compliments with Miss
+Plank&mdash;"How de do?" and so forth.</p>
+
+<p>And she proposed that we should go round a little together&mdash;she said
+that she had been here so many times, that she felt she could offer
+herself as our "Sissy Roney."</p>
+
+<p>She looked at Josiah as she spoke kinder kokettish, and I thought to
+myself, You are a-actin' pretty kittenish for a woman of your age.</p>
+
+<p>"Sissy!" Sez I to myself, the time for you to be called "sissy"
+rightfully lays fur back in the past&mdash;as much as fifty years back,
+anyway. As for the "Roney," I didn't know what she <i>did</i> mean, but
+spozed it wuz some sort of a pet name that had been gin her fur away in
+that distant past.</p>
+
+<p>And I spozed she had brung it up to kinder attract Josiah Allen; but,
+good land! if his morals hadn't been like iron for solidity, I knew that
+for her to try to flirt wuz like a old hen to try to bite; they don't
+have no teeth, hens don't, even when they are young, and they won't b<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_242" id="Page_242">[Pg 242]</a></span>e
+likely to have any when they are fifty or sixty years old. So I looked
+on with composure, and didn't take no notice of her flirtacious ways,
+and I consented to her propisition, and Josiah did too. That man hadn't
+been riz up by his emotions as I had, by the majesty and glory of the
+scene&mdash;no, he felt pretty chipper; and Miss Plank, after she quieted
+down a little, and ceased talkin' about her girlish days, she could
+think, even in that rapt hour, of pancakes; for she mentioned, when I
+spoke of how high the waters of the fountain riz up, "Yes," sez she&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Speakin' of risin', I left some pancakes a-risin' before I left home;"
+and she wondered if the cook would tend to 'em.</p>
+
+<p>Pancakes! in such a time as this.</p>
+
+<p>And then Josiah proposed to go and see the live stock, and Miss Plank
+said dreamily that she would like to go to a certain restaurant at the
+fur end of the grounds to see the cookin' of a certain chef; she had
+heard it went ahead of anything in America.</p>
+
+<p>"Chef"&mdash;I didn't want to act green, but I did wonder what "chef" wuz. I
+thought mebby it wuz chaff she meant, and I spozed they had got up some
+new way to cook chaff.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_243" id="Page_243">[Pg 243]</a></span></p><p>I would liked to seen it and tasted of it, but Duty begened to me, and I
+followed her blindly, and I sez, as I planted my umbrell firm down on
+the ground, sez I&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Here I take my stand; I don't often stand out and try to have my way&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>Here Josiah gin a deep groan out to one side, but he no need to&mdash;I spoke
+truth, or pretty near the truth, anyway.</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "Here I take my stand!" and I brung down my good cotton umbrell
+agin firmly, as if to punctuate my remarks, and add weight to it, and I
+wuz so earnest that before I knew it I fell into a fervid
+eloquence&mdash;catched from my old revolutionary 4 fathers, I spoze&mdash;and,
+sez I&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I care not what course others may take&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"But," sez Miss Plank, "we will hang together in such a crowd as this."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez Josiah; "you mustn't go wanderin' off by yourself, Samantha;
+it hain't safe."</p>
+
+<p>I wuz brung down some, but I kep on with considerable eloquence, though
+it wuz kinder drizzlin' away onbeknown to me, such is the power of
+environment.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_244" id="Page_244">[Pg 244]</a></span></p><p>Sez I, "I care not what course others may take, I will go first to the
+place my proud heart has dwelt on ever sence the Fair wuz opened&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I will go first to the Woman's Buildin', home of my sect, and my proud
+ambition and love."</p>
+
+<p>Miss Plank demurred, and said "that it wuz some distance off;" but I
+held firm&mdash;Josiah see that I wuz firm&mdash;and he finally gin in quite
+graciously, and, sez he&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I don't spoze it will take long, anyway, to see all that wimmen has
+brung here&mdash;and I spoze the buildin' will be a sight&mdash;all trimmed off
+with ornaments, and flowers, and tattin'; mebby they will have lace all
+festooned on the outside."</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, "I always did want to see a house trimmed with bobinet lace on
+the outside, and tattin' and ribbin streamers."</p>
+
+<p>I wouldn't dain a reply; he did it to lower my emotions about wimmen.</p>
+
+<p>But it wuz impossible. So we turned our bodies round and set off north
+by northwest.</p>
+
+<p>Agin Miss Plank mentioned the distance, and agin my Josiah spoke
+longin'ly of the live stock.</p>
+
+<p>And I sez with a calm dignity, "Josiah, you are not a woman."</p>
+
+<p>"No," sez he, "dum it all, I know I hain't, and so there hain't much
+chance of my gettin' my way."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_245" id="Page_245">[Pg 245]</a></span></p><p>I kep on calmly, and with the same lofty mean, "You are not a woman, and
+therefore you can't tell a woman's desires that go with me, to see the
+glorification of her own sect, in their great and lofty work, and the
+high thrones on which they have sot themselves in the year of our Lord,
+1893; I am sot," sez I, "I am sot as ever the statute of America is on
+her marble pedestal, jest so solid am I riz up on the firm and solid
+foundation of my love, and admiration, and appreciation for my own
+sect."</p>
+
+<p>And so, as I say, we turned round in our tracts and went back round that
+noble Adminstration Buildin'&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Josiah a-talkin' anon or oftener about what he expected to see in the
+Woman's Buildin', every one on 'em light and triflin' things, such as
+gauzes, and artificial flowers, and cossets, and high-heel shoes, and
+placks, and tattin', and etc.</p>
+
+<p>And I anon a-answerin' his sneerin' words, and the onspoken but fatigued
+appeals in Miss Plank's eyes, by sayin'&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Do you suppose I would hurt the feelin's of my sect, do you suppose I
+would mortify 'em before the assembled nations of the earth, by
+slightin' 'em, by not payin' attention to 'em, and makin' 'em the first
+and prime object of my distinguished and honorable consideration?</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_246" id="Page_246">[Pg 246]</a></span></p>
+<p>"No, indeed; no, indeed!"</p>
+
+<p>So we went on at a pretty good jog, and a-meetin' every single person in
+the hull earth, every man, woman, and child, black and white, bond and
+free, lame and lazy, or it did seem so to my wearied and bewildered
+apprehenshion.</p>
+
+<p>And I sez to myself mekanicly, what if conflagrations should break out
+in Asia, or the chimbly get afire in Australia, or a earthquake take
+place in Africa, or a calf get into the waterin' trough at Jonesville,
+who would git it out or put 'em out?</p>
+
+<p>Everybody in the hull livin' world is here; the earth has dreaned off
+all its livin' inhabitants down into this place; some of the time I
+thought mebby one or two would be left in Jonesville, and Loontown, and
+the hind side of Asia, and Hindoostan; but as I wended on and see the
+immense crowd, a-passin' out of one buildin' and a-passin' in to
+another, and a-swarmin' over the road and a-coverin' the face of the
+water, I sez to myself&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"No, there hain't a soul left in Hindoostan, or Jonesville, not one; nor
+Loontown, nor Shackville, nor Africa, nor Zoar."</p>
+
+<p>It wuz a curious time, very, but anon, after we had wended on for some
+distance, and Miss Plank looked some wilted, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_247" id="Page_247">[Pg 247]</a></span> Josiah's steps dragged,
+and my own frame felt the twinges of rheumatiz&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Miss Plank spoke up, and sez she, "If you are bound on going to the
+Woman's Building first, why not take a boat and go around there, and
+that will give you a good view of the buildings."</p>
+
+<p>I assented to her propisition with alacrity, and wondered that I hadn't
+thought of it before, and Josiah acted almost too tickled.</p>
+
+<p>That man loves to save his steps; and then, as I soon see, he had
+another idee in his head.</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, "I always wanted to be a mariner&mdash;I will hire a boat and be your
+boatman."</p>
+
+<p>"Not with me for a passenger, Josiah Allen," sez I. "I want to live
+through the day, anyway; I want to live to see the full glory of my
+sect; I don't want to be drownded jest in front of the gole."</p>
+
+<p>He looked mad&mdash;mad as a hen; but he see firmness in my mean, so we went
+back, and down a flight of steps to the water's edge, and he signalled a
+craft that drew up and laid off aginst us&mdash;a kinder queer-shaped one,
+with a canopy top, and gorgeous dressed boatmen&mdash;and we embarked and
+floated off on the clear waters of the Grand Basin. Oh! what a seen that
+would have been for a historical painter, if Mr. Michael Angelo had been
+present with a brush and some paint!</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_248" id="Page_248">[Pg 248]</a></span></p>
+<p>Josiah Allen's Wife a-settin' off for the express purpose of seein' and
+admirin' the work of her own sect, and right in front of her the grand
+figger of Woman a-standin' up a hundred feet high; but no higher above
+the ordinary size of her sect wuz she a-standin' than the works of the
+wimmen I wuz a-settin' out to see towered up above the past level of
+womankind. Oh, what a hour that wuz for the world! and what a seen that
+wuz for Josiah Allen's Wife to be a-passin' through, watched by the
+majestic figger of Woman.</p>
+
+<p>The green, tree-dotted terraces bloomin' with flowers a-risin' up from
+the blue water, and above the verdent terraces the tall white walls of
+them gorgeous palaces, a-risin' up with colonades, and statutes, and
+arabesques, and domes, and pinnacles, and on the smooth white path that
+lay in front of 'em, and on every side of 'em, the hull world a-walkin'
+and a-admirin' the seen jest as much as we did. And if there wuzn't
+everything else to look at and admire, the looks of that crowd wuz
+enough&mdash;full enough&mdash;for one pair of eyes; for they wuz from every
+country of the globe, and dressed in every fashion from Eve, and her men
+folks, down to the fashions of to-day.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_249" id="Page_249">[Pg 249]</a></span></p><p>And anon we would come to a bridge gracefully arched over the water, and
+float under it, and then sail on, and on, and on, past the vast palace
+45 acres big, and every single acre of 'em majestic and beautiful more
+than tongue can tell or give any idee on, and then by some more of them
+matchless marvels of housen crowned with pinnacles, and domes, and
+wavin' banners, and then by the electrical buildin', with white towers,
+and battlements, and sculptured loveliness, on one side of us, and, on
+the other, that beautiful Wooded Island, that is a hantin' dream of
+beauty inside of a dream of matchless loveliness.</p>
+
+<p>Acres and acres of flowers of every kind and color; the perfume floated
+out and wrapped us round like a sweet onseen mantilly, as we floated
+past fur dim isles of green trees, with domes and minarets a-risin' up
+above the billows of emerald richness, and then anon, under another
+bridge, and more of them enchantin' wonders of Art, and on, under
+another one, and another.</p>
+
+<p>And my emotions all of the time wuz what no man might number, and as for
+the size of 'em, there hain't no use of talkin' about sortin' 'em out,
+or weighin' 'em&mdash;no steel yards on earth could weigh the little end on
+'em, let alone weighin' the hull caboodle of 'em.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_250" id="Page_250">[Pg 250]</a></span></p>
+<p>No Rasfodist that ever rasfodized could do justice to the transcendent
+grandeur that shone out on every side of us.</p>
+
+<p>No, the rasfodist would have to set down and hold up his hands before
+him, as I have done sometimes before a big pile of work, when I have
+seen a wagon load of visitors a-stoppin' at the gate to stay all day.</p>
+
+<p>I have just clasped my hands and sez, "Oh dear me!"</p>
+
+<p>Or in aggravated cases I would say, mebby,</p>
+
+<p>"Oh dear me suz!"</p>
+
+<p>And that wuz about all I could say here.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, my feelin's, I do believe, if they could have been gazed on, would
+have been jest about as a impressive a sight to witness as the Columbian
+Fair.</p>
+
+<p>But anon my rapt musin's wuz broke into sudden; I heard as through a
+dream a voice say&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"If she forgets to take the dough off from the dry oven, the pancakes
+will run over."</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Pancakes!</i>"</p>
+
+<p>It wuz like Peri in Paradise callin' for root-beer; it brung me down to
+the world agin, and anon I heard my pardner say&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Wall, I wish I had a few of 'em this minute, Miss Plank."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_251" id="Page_251">[Pg 251]</a></span></p>
+<p>Eatin' at such a time as this&mdash;the idee!</p>
+
+<p>But I wuz brung clear down, and I don't know but it wuz jest as well,
+for it wuz time for us to alight from our bark.</p>
+
+<p>And with the feelin's I had ever sence I started, I wuz that riz up that
+I could almost expect to step over the lagoon at one stride and swing my
+foot clear over the hull noble flight of marble steps, and the wide
+terrace, and land in front of the Woman's Buildin'. With my head even
+with its highest cupalo, I wuz fearfully riz up, and by the side of
+myself.</p>
+
+<p>But these allusions to pancakes had brung me down, so I stepped meekly
+out on to the broad, noble flight of steps, and the full beauty of the
+Woman's Buildin' riz up in front of us.</p>
+
+<p>Even Josiah wuz impressed with the simple, noble perfection of that
+buildin'. I heard him say&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"By Crackey! not a bit of lace or tattin'; not a streamer of ribbin.
+Well done for wimmen; they have riz up for once above gauzes, and
+flummeries, and ornaments."</p>
+
+<p>"No," sez I; "if you want to look at ornament, you might look at the
+Adminstration Buildin', designed by a man. Men love ornament, Josiah
+Allen."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_252" id="Page_252">[Pg 252]</a></span></p>
+<p>He quailed; he hadn't forgot the pink necktie he wanted to adorn
+himself with, and the breastpin he wanted to put on that mornin'.</p>
+
+<p>The waters of the lagoon in front of the buildin' is as wide as a bay;
+from the centre of this rises the grand landin' and staircase, leadin'
+to a terrace six feet above the water.</p>
+
+<p>The first terrace is laid out in glowin' flower-beds, and anon, green
+flowerin' shrubs, above which the ivory white balustrade shines out,
+separatin' it from the upper terrace.</p>
+
+<p>And along the upper terrace, about one hundred feet back, the beautiful
+Woman's Buildin' rises, with a background of stately old oak trees.</p>
+
+<p>This most artistic and beautiful buildin' consists of a centre pavilion,
+flanked at each end by corner pavilions, connected by open corridors
+forming a sheltered and beautiful walk the hull length of the structure.
+On goin' through a wide lobby you come into a vast open rotunda reachin'
+clear up to the top of the buildin', where the sunlight falls down most
+graciously through a richly ornamented skylight. This rotunda is
+surmounted by a two-story open arcade, as delicate and refined in its
+beauty as the outside of the buildin', givin' light and air in abundance
+to all of the room<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_253" id="Page_253">[Pg 253]</a></span>s openin' into the interior space. On the first floor,
+on the right hand, is located a model kindergarten; on the left, a
+model horsepital. You see, these two things are attended to the first
+thing by wimmen.</p>
+
+<p>Wimmen have always had to take time by the forelock and do the most
+important things first, or she never would be done with her work.</p>
+
+<p>Before she tackled the ironin', or dishwashin', or piecin' up bedquilts,
+or knittin', she has always had to dress, and nurse, and take care of
+the children, make them comfortable, and take care of the sick; had to,
+or it wouldn't be done.</p>
+
+<p>And she wuzn't goin' to stop her good, tender, motherly doin's here&mdash;not
+at all. No; the children, the future hope of our country, the Lord's
+work laid onto mothers, is on the <i>right</i> side.</p>
+
+<p>Here are shown the very latest and best helps in takin' care and
+trainin' up these little immortals, teachin' them to be good first, and
+then wise, and healthy all the time&mdash;the most important work in the hull
+world, in my estimation; for the children we spank to-day will hold the
+destinies of the human race in their hands to-morrow.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, on the right hand the children; on the left hand is a model
+horsepital, not merely a exhibit, but a real horsepital, at ful<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_254" id="Page_254">[Pg 254]</a></span>l work in
+its blessed and sanctified labor, a-takin' care of the sick and
+smoothin' the brows racked with agony, alleviatin' the distresses of the
+frame racked with pain.</p>
+
+<p>What another good work! Can a man show anything at their hull Columbus
+World's Fair&mdash;anything that will equal these two blessed labors?</p>
+
+<p>No; he can show lots of knowledge and wisdom, and he can show guns, and
+cannons, and pistols, boey-knives, to cut and slash; but it is woman's
+work (blessed angel that she is, a good deal of the time), it is them
+that shows this broad, efficient system of relieving the hurts and
+distresses of the world. Besides the most skilled of our own country,
+foreign nations send their best-trained nurses from their trainin'
+schools, showin' the latest and most perfect methods of relievin' pain
+and agony.</p>
+
+<p>And not contented with showin' off here what they could do, and how they
+do it&mdash;not content with makin' this one big room a perfect nest for
+female good Samaritans&mdash;a carin' for the sick and dyin'&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>They have soared out of this room&mdash;60 by 80 feet couldn't confine
+'em&mdash;they have located all over the grounds horsepitals to care for them
+who are took sick here at Columbuses doin's, and, good creeters, I
+suppose they will have their hands full, specially in dog days.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_255" id="Page_255">[Pg 255]</a></span></p>
+<p>Yes, woman begun her work jest as she ort to, right on the ground
+floor&mdash;on the right, the children; on the left, the sick and helpless.</p>
+
+<p>Right opposite the main front is the library, furnished by the wimmen of
+New York. It is one of the largest and finest rooms in the house, and
+every book in it writ by a woman.</p>
+
+<p>And right here I see my own books; there they wuz a-standin' up jest as
+noble and pert as if they wuz to home in the what-not behind the parlor
+door, not a-feelin' the least mite put out before princes, or zars.
+A-standin' jest as straight in front of a king as a cow-boy, not
+a-humpin' themselves up in the latter instance, or a-meachin' in the
+more former one.</p>
+
+<p>I felt proud on 'em to see their onbroken dignity and simplicity of
+mean. And, thinkses I, the demeanor of them books is a lesson to
+Republics&mdash;how to act before Royalties; not a-backin' up and a-actin',
+not put out a mite, not forward, and not too backward&mdash;jest about megum.</p>
+
+<p>A-keepin' right on in their own spear, jest as usial, not intrudin'
+themselves and a-pushin', but ready to greet 'em and give 'em the best
+there wuz in 'em, if occasion called for it, and then r<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_256" id="Page_256">[Pg 256]</a></span>eady to bid 'em a
+calm, well-meanin' farewell when the time come to part.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz a great surprise to me, and how they got there wuz a mystery. But
+I spoze the nation collected 'em together and sot 'em up there because
+it sets such a store by me. It is dretful fond of me, the nation is, and
+well it may be. I have stood up for it time and agin, and then I've done
+a sight for it in the way of advisin' and bracin' it up.</p>
+
+<p>As I stood and looked at them books I got carried a good ways off
+a-ridin' on Wonder&mdash;a-wonderin' whether them books had done any good in
+the world.</p>
+
+<p>I'd wanted 'em to, I'd wanted 'em to like a dog. Sometimes I'd felt real
+riz up a-thinkin' they had, and then agin I've felt dubersome.</p>
+
+<p>But I knew they had gin great enjoyment, I'd hearn on't. Why, the
+minister up to Zoar had told me of as many as seven relations of hisen,
+who, when they wuz run down and weak, and had kinder lost their minds,
+had jest clung to them books.</p>
+
+<p>In softenin' of the brain now, or bein' kicked on the head, or nateral
+brain weakness&mdash;why, them books are invaluable, so I spoze.</p>
+
+<p>But to resoom. The corner pavilion, like all the rest of the buildin',
+hav<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_257" id="Page_257">[Pg 257]</a></span>e each a open colonade above the main cornice. Here are the hangin'
+gardens, and also the committee rooms of the lady managers.</p>
+
+<p>This palace of beauty wuz designed by a woman&mdash;woman has got to have the
+credit for everything about it.</p>
+
+<p>A woman designed the hull buildin'; a woman modelled the figgers that
+support the ruff; a woman won fairly in competition the right to
+decorate the cornice. The interior decoration, much of it carved work,
+is done by wimmen; panels wuz carved by wimmen all over the country and
+brought here to decorate the walls.</p>
+
+<p>And not only decorated, but in a good many rooms the woodwork wuz
+finished by wimmen. California has a room walled and ceiled with redwood
+by wimmen.</p>
+
+<p>And wimmen of all the States, from Maine and Florida, have joined to
+make the place beautiful. Even the Indian wimmen made richly embroidered
+hangin's for the doors and windows.</p>
+
+<p>The wimmen managers wuz the first wimmen that wuz ever officially
+commissioned by Congress, and never have wimmen swung out so, or, to be
+poetical, never have they cut so wide and broad a swath on the seedy old
+fields<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_258" id="Page_258">[Pg 258]</a></span> of Time, as they do to this Fair. They can exhibit with the best
+of the contestants, men or wimmen, and by act of Congress represent
+their own sect on the Jury of Award.</p>
+
+<p>Congress did the fair thing by wimmen in this matter. Let him step up
+one step higher on the hill of justice, and gin 'em the right to set on
+the jury of award or punishment when their own honor is at the stake.</p>
+
+<p>It has let wimmen tell which is the best piece of woosted work, or
+tattin'; now let her be judged by her peers when life or death is the
+award meted out to 'em. But to resoom.</p>
+
+<p>The Gallery of Honor is the centre hall of the buildin', and runs almost
+the entire length, and openin' out of it is the display that shows that
+wimmen wuz really the first inventors and producers of what wuz useful
+as well as beautiful, and that men took up the work when money could be
+made from it.</p>
+
+<p>Here is the work of the first and rudest people, but all made by female
+wimmen&mdash;the rough, hard buds of beauty and labor; and in the Central
+hall, like these buds open in full bloom and beauty, is the fruit of the
+most advanced thought and genius.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_259" id="Page_259">[Pg 259]</a></span></p><p>The interior glows with soft and harmonious colors, and chaste
+ornamentation.</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Candace Wheeler, of New York, had charge of the decoration, which
+is sayin' enough for its beauty, if you didn't say anything else, and
+Illinois and the rest of the world wuz grand helpers in the work of
+beauty.</p>
+
+<p>The Gallery of Honor, the central hall of the buildin', runs almost the
+entire length. The noble, harmonious beauty of this room strikes you as
+you first enter, some as it would if you come up sudden out of the
+woods, a-facin' a gorgeous sunset&mdash;or sunrisin', I guess, would be a
+suitabler metafor.</p>
+
+<p>The colorin' of this room is ivory and gold, in delicate and beautiful
+designs. But the pictures that cover the walls adds the bright tints
+neccessary to make the hull picture perfect.</p>
+
+<p>The beautiful panels on the side walls are the work of American artists.
+One, on the west side, by Amanda Brewster Sewall, represents an Algerian
+pastural seen, showing country maids tendin' their flocks; which proves
+that Algerian girls are first-rate lookin', and that dumb brutes in
+Algeria, though it is so fur from Jonesville, have got to be tended to,
+and that wimmen have got to tend to 'em a good deal of the time.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_260" id="Page_260">[Pg 260]</a></span></p><p>The other paintin', on the same side, is the work of Miss Fairchild, of
+Boston, and it shows our old Puritan 4 Mothers hard to work, a-takin'
+care of their housen and doin' up the work. Likely old creeters they
+wuz, and industrius.</p>
+
+<p>Opposite, on the east side, is a panel by Mrs. Lydia Emmet
+Sherwood&mdash;another group of wimmen; good-lookin' wimmen they be, all on
+'em. And the other panel, by Miss Lydia Emmet, shows the interior of a
+studio, with young females a-studyin' different arts that are useful and
+ornamental, and calculated to help themselves and the world along. At
+the north end of this great gallery is a large panel by Mrs. MacMonnies,
+wife of the sculptor, representin' Primitive Wimmen. A-showin', plain as
+nobody less gifted than she could, jest how primitive wimmen used to be.</p>
+
+<p>Opposite, on the south side, is a companion piece by Miss Cassette, of
+Paris, called Modern Wimmen, and a-showin' up first rate how fur wimmen
+have emerged from the shadders of the past.</p>
+
+<p>The centre panel depicters a orchard covered with bright green grass,
+and graceful female wimmen a-gatherin' apples offen the tree.</p>
+
+<p>Apples of knowledge, I spoze, but different from Eve's&mdash;fur different;
+these wuz peaceful<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_261" id="Page_261">[Pg 261]</a></span> Knowledge, Literature, Art, and all beautiful and
+useful industries.</p>
+
+<p>A smaller panel describes Music and Dancin' in a charmin' way.</p>
+
+<p>On the other side of the central panel are several maidens pursuin' a
+flyin' figger.</p>
+
+<p>Mebby it wuz the Ideal. If it wuz, I wuz glad to see them young females
+a-follerin' it up so clost. But girls will be more apt to catch her,
+when they leave off cossets, and long trains, and high-heeled shoes
+(metafor). But these seemed to be a-doin' the best they could, anyway.</p>
+
+<p>A border in rich colors went all round the picture, and in the corners
+wuz medallions all full of sweet babies&mdash;perfect cherubs of loveliness.</p>
+
+<p>In some things the picture mebby could have been bettered a
+little&mdash;mebby the ladder wuzn't quite stiddy enough&mdash;mebby I should
+ruther have not clumb up it. But the colorin' of the picture is superb.
+So rich and gorgus that it put me in mind of our own Jonesville woods in
+September, when you look off into the maple forests, and your eyes would
+fairly be dazzled with the blaze of the colors, if they wuzn't so soft
+and rich, and blended into each other so perfect.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, Miss Cassette done real well, and so did Mrs. MacMonnies, too.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_262" id="Page_262">[Pg 262]</a></span></p>
+<p>And all round this room hung pictures that filled me with delight, and
+the proudest kind of pride, to think my own sect had done 'em all&mdash;had
+branched out into such noble and beautiful branchin's, for the statutes
+wuz jest as impressive as the pictures. There wuz one statute in the
+centre of the main corridor that I liked especially.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz Maud Muller. As I looked on Maud, I thought I could say with the
+Judge, when he first had a idee of payin' attention to her&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"A sweeter face I ne'er have seen." And I thought, too, I could read in
+Maud's face a sort of a sad look, as if the shadder Pride, and Fate,
+held above her, wuz sort o' shadin' her now. Miss Blanche Nevins done
+first rate, and I'd loved to told her so.</p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz a statute of Elaine that rousted up about every
+emotion I had by me.</p>
+
+<p>There she wuz, "Elaine the fair," the lovable, the lily maid of Astolot.</p>
+
+<p>I always thought a sight of her, and I've shed many a tear over her
+ontimely lot. I knew she thought more of Mr. Lancelot than she'd ort to,
+specially he bein' in love with a married woman at the same time.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_263" id="Page_263">[Pg 263]</a></span></p><p>Her face looked noble, and yet sweet, riz up jest as it must have been
+when she argued with her pa about the man she loved.</p>
+
+<p>
+"Never yet was noble man, but made ignoble talk;<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">He makes no friends who never made a foe."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>And down under the majesty of her mean wuz the tenderness and pathos of
+her own little song; for, as Alfred Tennyson said, and said well,
+"Sweetly could she make, and sing."</p>
+
+<p>
+"Sweet is true love, though given in vain, in vain;<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">And sweet is Death, who puts an end to pain.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">I know not which is sweeter&mdash;no, not I."</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>There wuzn't hardly a dry eye in my head as I stood a-lookin' at Elaine.</p>
+
+<p>And jest at this wropped moment I heard some voices nigh me that I
+recognized a-sayin' in glad and joyous axents, "How do you do, Josiah
+Allen's Wife?"</p>
+
+<p>I turned and met seven glad extended hands, and thirteen eyes lookin' at
+mine, in joyous welcome, besides one glass eye (and you couldn't tell
+the difference, it wuz so nateral&mdash;Oren bought the best one money could
+git when his nigh eye wuz put out by a steer gorin' it). Yes, it wuz
+Oren Rumble and Lateza, his wife, and the hull of the fa<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_264" id="Page_264">[Pg 264]</a></span>mily&mdash;the five
+girls, Barthena, Calfurna, Dalphina, Albiny, and Lateza.</p>
+
+<p>But what a change had swep' over the family sence I had last looked on
+'em!</p>
+
+<p>I could hardly believe my two eyes when I looked at their costooms, for
+the hull family had dressed in black for upwards of 'leven years, and
+Jonesvillians had got jest as ust to seein' 'em as they wuz a-seein' a
+flock of crows in the spring.</p>
+
+<p>And I do declare it wuz jest as surprisin' to me to see the way they wuz
+rigged out as it would be to see a lot of crows a-settlin' down on our
+cornfield with red and yeller tail feathers.</p>
+
+<p>To home they didn't go nowhere, only to meetin'&mdash;the mother bein' very
+genteel, comin' down as she did from a very old and genteel family.
+Dretful blue blood I spoze her folks had&mdash;blue as indigo, I spoze. And
+she didn't think it wuz proper to go into society in mournin'
+clothes&mdash;she thought it would make talk for mourners to git out and
+enjoy themselves any in crape.</p>
+
+<p>Oren wuz naterally of a lively disposition, and loved to visit round,
+and it made it bad for him. But he felt quite proud of marryin' such a
+aristocratic woman, and so he had to take the bitter with the sweet.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_265" id="Page_265">[Pg 265]</a></span></p><p>Besides their bein' so old, she had come from a mournin' family&mdash;her
+folks always mourned for everybody and everything they could. (You know
+some families are so, and I spoze they git some comfort out of it. And
+black duz look real respectable, but considerable gloomy.)</p>
+
+<p>Their house wuz always shet up, and Oren walked round (rebellin' inside)
+under a mournin' weed.</p>
+
+<p>And the six wimmen was all swathed in crape, and the hull house smelt of
+crape and logwood.</p>
+
+<p>As I sez more formally, Lateza was brung up to it. She wuz ready to
+mourn on the slightest pretext, and mourn jest as long and stiddy as
+possible.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, black <i>wuz</i> becomin' to her. Bein' tall and spindlin', black sot
+her off, and crape draperies sort o' rounded off her figger and made her
+look some impressive.</p>
+
+<p>And she loved to stay at home&mdash;she wuz made that way.</p>
+
+<p>But I always felt that if she wanted to make a raven of herself for
+life, she no need to dye the feathers of the hull family in logwood, and
+tie 'em all up clost to the nest.</p>
+
+<p>Oren had chafed aginst it bitterly, but he bore the sable yoke until the
+youngest girl, Lateza (and mebby she i<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_266" id="Page_266">[Pg 266]</a></span>nherited some of the aristocratic
+sotness of her mother with the name)&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Anyway, when she come home from school she come dressed in gay colors.
+She had on a yeller woosted dress with sky-blue trimmin's, a pink hat, a
+lilock veil, and a bunch of flowers in her bosom&mdash;too many colors to
+look well, but she did it to break her yoke.</p>
+
+<p>This kinder stunted the mother, so she wuz easier to handle, bein'
+kinder dazed.</p>
+
+<p>So they took her off to a Christian Science meetin', and got her
+converted the first thing.</p>
+
+<p>This broke her chain, for they don't believe in mournin' as one without
+hope, and they believe in wanderin' round and seein' the beautiful world
+all you can, and takin' some comfort while you are in it.</p>
+
+<p>So while the zeal of the convert wuz on her, and she didn't feel like
+disputin', the girls made her some red dresses, and some yeller ones,
+and had some white streamers put onto a white bunnet she had. And they
+bought themselves the most gorgeous and gay clothin' Jonesville and
+Loontown afforded. Oren is well off, and he wouldn't stent 'em in such a
+cause as this&mdash;no, indeed!</p>
+
+<p>And Oren bought some bright, gay-lookin' suits, and some brilliant
+neckties&mdash;pale blue silk, with red polka dots on 'em, and some
+otter-colored ones.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_267" id="Page_267">[Pg 267]</a></span></p>
+<p>He had on the day we met him a bright plaid suit and a red necktie
+spangled with yeller, hangin' out kinder loose in front.</p>
+
+<p>And Oren bought a three-seated carriage, and they jest scoured the hull
+country&mdash;went to all the parties they could hear on, and the fairs, and
+camp-meetin's, and such. They wuz on the go the hull time; and Lateza
+Alzina got to likin' it as much as Oren did.</p>
+
+<p>I don't spoze they wuz to home hardly enough to eat their meals whilst
+they wuz in Jonesville; they had a good hired girl, so they wuz free to
+wander all they wuz a mind to.</p>
+
+<p>This summer Lateza Alzina told me that they had been up to the upper end
+of Canada and British America on a tower, and come home round by Lake
+Champlain, and Lake George, and Saratoga; they'd stayed there three
+weeks, and then they went home and hurried and got ready for the Fair.
+They come the first day it wuz opened in the mornin', and laid out to go
+home the last day of the Fair along in the night, so Oren said.</p>
+
+<p>They all looked real happy, but some fagged out from seein' so much.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_268" id="Page_268">[Pg 268]</a></span></p><p>I'm dretful afraid that the pendulum, havin' swung too fur on one side,
+is a-goin' too fur on the other; it is nater.</p>
+
+<p>But mebby they'll settle down and be more megum when the pendulum gits
+kinder settled down some, and its vibration ceases to be so vibratin'.</p>
+
+<p>Anyway, I'm glad to see 'em a-steppin' out of their weeds, and I told
+'em so.</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "You wuz in mournin' a awful while, wuzn't you?"</p>
+
+<p>Oren fairly gritted his teeth, and before Lateza Alzina could speak, he
+busted out&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"By Vum! I've mourned all I'm a-goin' to! I've staid penned up in the
+house all I'm a-goin' to!</p>
+
+<p>"I've quit it, by Vum! First my stepfather passed away. I never liked
+him&mdash;he always imposed on me; but we all went into deep mournin', staid
+out of society&mdash;jest shet ourselves up in a black jail for years.</p>
+
+<p>"Then my mother-in-law left me&mdash;then three years more of solid black and
+solid stayin' to home.</p>
+
+<p>"Then, at the end of the third year, we kinder quit off and begun to
+creep out a little and kinder lighten ourselves up a little; but then my
+wife's brother that she never see died way out to California and left a
+big property, but not a cent to us.</p>
+
+<p>"But the rest of the family wanted to mourn, so my wife had to foller on
+and mourn too.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_269" id="Page_269">[Pg 269]</a></span></p><p>"And there it wuz agin, another time of gloom&mdash;another time of stayin'
+to home.</p>
+
+<p>"Time after time, jest as we got out a little, we had to plunge back
+into gloom agin.</p>
+
+<p>"But now we're out of it, and by Heavens and earth we're a-goin' to stay
+out! There hain't a-goin' to be any more mournin' done in this
+family&mdash;not if I know myself, there hain't."</p>
+
+<p>But I sez, "Oren, don't talk so; folks <i>have</i> to mourn; this is a World
+of trials, and grief is nateral to it."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall, I'll mourn in pepper and salt, and I'll mourn out-doors. I hain't
+a-goin' to wind myself up in crape, and shet myself up in a black hole
+no more, mourn or not mourn.</p>
+
+<p>"And I'm a-goin' to laugh when I want to." And he jest laid his head
+back and bust out into a horse-laugh at nothin'.</p>
+
+<p>But they didn't seem to mind it; I guess they wuz ust to it, and the
+girls kinder put in and laughed too. Lateza Alzina didn't laugh out
+loud, but she kinder snickered some.</p>
+
+<p>It made me feel queer.</p>
+
+<p>I see&mdash;I see the truth; the bow had been drawed too tight back, and now
+it wuz a-goin' to shoot too fur&mdash;way over the mark.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_270" id="Page_270">[Pg 270]</a></span></p>
+<p>But still I felt that Oren had some truth on his side.</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, "I always felt that you shet yourselves up too much and
+mourned too deep."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez Lateza Alzina, "my folks always brung me up to think that it
+would be apt to make talk if folks went out any while they wuz in
+black."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "I always felt that folks had better set down and
+calculate which would be the most agreeable to 'em, to shet themselves
+up and lose their health, and die, or to let folks talk.</p>
+
+<p>"And then act on them thoughts, and do as they want to with fear and
+tremblin'.</p>
+
+<p>"And," sez I, "folks would talk whilst you wuz dyin', anyway; you can't
+keep folks from talkin'." Sez I, "Like as not they'd say it wuz a guilty
+conscience that made you droop round and stay to home so."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez Lateza Alzina, "I wuz brought up to think that it showed so
+much respect to them that wuz gone to stay to home in black."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "if the ones that wuz gone loved you, they would want you
+to git all the consolation you could whilst you wuz parted. Jest as a
+mother lets her child have some picture-books to comfort it while she
+leaves it a spell.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_271" id="Page_271">[Pg 271]</a></span></p><p>"And if you loved them," sez I, "their memory would go out-doors with
+you, and go back into the house with you. You would see the beloved
+face lookin' down at you from every mountain you would climb, and the
+shadder of their form would seem to appear in the mist of every valley.
+Every sunset would gleam with the smilin' light of their eyes, and every
+sunrise would begen to you, tellin' you that one more night had gone,
+and you wuz so much nearer to the Eternal Reunion.</p>
+
+<p>"Folks don't have to stay indoors to remember, Lateza. I have remembered
+folks out-doors, it seems to me, more than I ever did in the house.</p>
+
+<p>"And the voice you loved would seem to be a-tellin' you, 'Keep well,
+beloved, so you can do some of my day's work I had to lay down, as well
+as your own, and the meetin' will be all the gladder and more joyous.'</p>
+
+<p>"And as for puttin' on black, the dear remembered voice seems to be
+a-sayin' to me, 'Don't put on the symbol of sorrow for one who has found
+the very secret of happiness, who has left the dark shadders and has
+gone into the great brightness. Don't carry the idee to the world that
+you have lost me, for I am nearer to you than I ever could have been on
+earth, for the clay has only fell off from my soul, leavin' the barrier
+but thin indeed between us now.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_272" id="Page_272">[Pg 272]</a></span></p>
+<p>"'Don't act as if you wuz mournin' for me, dear heart. Let the world
+see your thought, see the truth we both know, by its reflection in your
+face.'</p>
+
+<p>"These are my idees, Lateza Alzina," sez I; "but howsumever, in this, as
+in every other matter that don't have any moral wickedness in it, let
+everybody be fully persuaded in their own mind, if they have got a mind,
+and do as they want to, if they know what they want to do."</p>
+
+<p>Oren had looked real tickled all the while I had been speakin'. And he
+stood there on his bright plaid legs, and smoothed out the ends of his
+gorgeous necktie with his yeller gloved hand, a happy and triumphant
+mean onto him.</p>
+
+<p>And the girls and their ma stood round him like a flock of gay-plumaged
+birds, or a bokay of brilliant blossoms, and seemed real happified and
+contented.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, they wuz a-boardin' way out to the other end of the city, almost
+'leven milds from there, so they had to leave middlin' early.</p>
+
+<p>And they all come back in the evenin', they said. "They boarded a good
+ways out&mdash;they enjoyed the ride so much a-goin' and comin'."</p>
+
+<p>Sometimes I'm afraid the pendulum will break down, it swings so fur, and
+then agin I don't know.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_273" id="Page_273">[Pg 273]</a></span></p><p>But anyway, they bid me a glad adoo, and the proud and gay Oren led his
+brood off.</p>
+
+<p>And to resoom.</p>
+
+<p>The English Vestibule is decorated with panels painted by the wimmen of
+that country. There wuz one by Mrs. Swimerton, of London, that appealed
+strong to my heart; it was a seen from the temporary hospital at
+Scutori.</p>
+
+<p>Florence Nightingale stood in the foreground&mdash;good, pityin' female angel
+that she wuz&mdash;and all round her lay sick and dyin' soldiers, and she
+a-doin' all she could to help 'em.</p>
+
+<p>This picture, showin' woman as a Healer and Consoler, is in the centre,
+as it ort to be. On one side of it is a panel called Motherhood, an
+Italian mother a-holdin' a baby in her arms, and on the other side is
+Old Age and Youth, an old female bein' tenderly took care on by the
+beautiful young girl who kneels before her.</p>
+
+<p>On the other side of the vestibule is the paintin's of Mrs. Merritt, of
+London. The centre piece shows a number of likely lookin' young females
+a-studyin' art, and the panels on either side shows young girls and
+older ones all a-studyin' and workin', and doin' the best they could
+with what they had to do with.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_274" id="Page_274">[Pg 274]</a></span></p><p>Dretful upliftin' to my sect it wuz to look on them pictures, all on
+'em.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, if I'd spent a month I couldn't begin to tell all the contents of
+them rooms&mdash;the paintin's and statuary, laces, embroidery, tapestry, and
+etc., and etc., and everything under the sun, moon, and stars, and so
+forth, and so on.</p>
+
+<p>All the works of wimmen from the present age of the world back to that
+wonderful book writ by the Abbess Herrard in the twelfth century, which
+contains about all the knowledge of that date.</p>
+
+<p>And tapestries wrought by hands that have been dust for hundreds and
+hundreds of years. But the work them hands wrought still remains, giving
+the best descriptions of them times we have now, of the manners and
+customs of that fur back time.</p>
+
+<p>They show off the part wimmin have took in philanthropy in all ages.
+They show that all through time that wimmen have been a help-meet. And
+you can see the tender, strong faces of them that have helped the world.</p>
+
+<p>One of the most interestin' things in the hull buildin' wuz the exhibit
+of the Beneficent Societies formed by wimmen all over the world&mdash;what
+they have done in war, pestilence, and famine, what they have done in
+wrestlin' with that deadly serpent, whose folds encompa<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_275" id="Page_275">[Pg 275]</a></span>ss the earth&mdash;the
+foulest serpent of Intemperance. What my sect have done banded together
+to promote liberty, to establish religion, and all good works.</p>
+
+<p>The decoration of the big room set apart for the association and
+organizations are strikin'.</p>
+
+<p>Fifty-four organizations of Christian wimmen and workers for
+righteousness in different ways have their headquarters here.</p>
+
+<p>The Wimmen's Christian Temperance Union makes a big display; from post
+to post is extended long links of pledge cards signed by boys and girls
+of forty-four countries&mdash;France, Africa, Japan, China, etc., etc., etc.</p>
+
+<p>What links them wuz that bound them children to a future of temperance
+and usefulness! Strong cords a-spreadin' out to the very ends of the
+earth, and a-bringin' them all together and tyin' 'em up to the ramparts
+of Heaven.</p>
+
+<p>Denmark has a display of seven little wimmen a-wearin' the white ribbon.</p>
+
+<p>In the Japanese department hangs a large bell all made of pipes, and
+Josiah sez&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"It's curious that wimmen, who run smokin' so, should have such a lot of
+pipes to sell." Sez he, "I'm most a-mind to buy one, smokin' is gittin<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_276" id="Page_276">[Pg 276]</a></span>'
+so fashionable, and lady-like. Mebby you'd better have one, Samantha."</p>
+
+<p>I looked at him witherin'ly, but he didn't seem to wither any.</p>
+
+<p>But a bystander spoke up and sez, "These are the pipes of opium-smokers,
+who have given up the vile habit. They wuz collected in Japan and
+presented to that noble worker, Mary Allen West."</p>
+
+<p>And the bell rung for the first time at her funeral in way-off Japan,
+where she laid down her sickle on her ripe sheaves, and rested from her
+labors.</p>
+
+<p>(These last lines are my own eppisodin; he simply related the facts.)</p>
+
+<p>There wuz associations on exhibition from all the different countries of
+the globe, of Christian workers of all kinds, in organizations,
+horsepitals, missionary fields, etc. from Loontown clear to Turkey.</p>
+
+<p>The Turkish Compassionate Fund rousted up sights of emotions in me. When
+you looked at the marvellous Oriental embroideries of the Mahommeden
+wimmen, you didn't dispute that their work has devoloped a new art.</p>
+
+<p>You see, them female Turkeys wuz drove from their homes by the Tigers,
+War, and Starvation, and the Baroness Burdette Coutts and Lady Layard
+bought the materia<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_277" id="Page_277">[Pg 277]</a></span>ls and organized this work. There are two thousand
+engaged in it now.</p>
+
+<p>Madame Zarcoff, who is in charge of it now, has a medal gin her by the
+Sultan, with "Charity" engraved on it in the language of the Turkeys.</p>
+
+<p>I couldn't read it, or Josiah. But she told us what it wuz.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, as I say, there wuz displays of every other kind of Christian
+work, and a-lookin' over them records, and seein' the benign faces of
+them wimmen who had led on the fight aginst the banded powers of
+Hell&mdash;why, the tears jest run down my face some like rain water, and
+Josiah asked me anxiously, "If I wuz took with a cramp."</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, "No, fur from it. I am took with the sperit of rejoicin', and
+wonder, and thanksgivin', and everything else."</p>
+
+<p>And he sez, "Wall, I wouldn't stand up and cry; if I wuz a-goin' to cry,
+I would set down to it."</p>
+
+<p>And agin I sez, as I had said before, "Josiah, you're not a woman."</p>
+
+<p>And he sez, "No, indeed; you wouldn't catch a man a-cryin' because he
+wuz tickled about sunthin'; he would more likely snap his fingers, and
+whistle."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_278" id="Page_278">[Pg 278]</a></span></p>
+<p>But I heeded not his remarks, and we wended onwards.</p>
+
+<p>And I see, with everything else under the sun, moon, and stars, a
+collection of all the kinds of flowers in the country, clear from Maine
+to California; and lots of the flowers preserved in their nateral
+colors.</p>
+
+<p>And if you think this is a easy job, I can tell you that you are very
+much mistaken.</p>
+
+<p>Why, jest a-walkin' over to Miss Alexander Bobbet'ses, acrost lots, I
+have come acrost more than forty different kinds of wild flowers, and
+then, when I got there, I can't begin to tell how many flowers she had
+in her dooryard.</p>
+
+<p>More than a hundred, anyway; and then if I come home by she that wuz
+Submit Tewksbury&mdash;why, my 'rithmetic would fairly gin out a-countin'
+before I got home; and then to think of all the broad acres of land,
+hills and valleys, mountains and forests between Oregon, and New Jersey,
+and Maine, and Florida, and California!</p>
+
+<p>Wuz it a easy job that wimmen took on to themselves, then?</p>
+
+<p>No, indeed; no, indeed!</p>
+
+<p>But wimmen are ust to hard jobs, and if she begins 'em she will carry
+'em out and finish 'em; as wuz proved b<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_279" id="Page_279">[Pg 279]</a></span>y the cloak we see there, made of
+feathers, that took five years to make.</p>
+
+<p>But when I go to talk about the paintin's, and statutes, and the
+embroideries my sect shows off in that buildin', then agin I draw deep
+breaths full of praise and admiration, sunthin' like sithes, only
+happier ones, to think mine eyes had been permitted to gaze on the
+marvels and wonders my own sect had wrought.</p>
+
+<p>And then I thought of Isabelle, and I thought I would love to have her
+there to neighbor with; thinkses I, if it hadn't been for her we
+wouldn't have been discovered at all, as I know on, and then where would
+have been the Woman's Buildin'? I thought I would love to talk it over
+with her; how, though she furnished the means for a man to discover us,
+yet four hundred years had to wear away before men thought that wimmen
+wuz capable of takin' part in any Internatinal Exposition. I wanted
+Isabelle there that day&mdash;I wanted her like a dog.</p>
+
+<p>But my thoughts wuz brought back from my rapt contemplation by my
+companion's voice. He sez:</p>
+
+<p>"By Jocks! I hadn't no idee that wimmen had ever done so much work that
+is useful as well as ornamental." Sez he, "I ha<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_280" id="Page_280">[Pg 280]</a></span>d read a sight about the
+Lady Managers, and I had got the idee that them ladies couldn't do much
+more than to set down and tend poodles, and knit tattin'. I hadn't no
+idee that they wuz a-goin' to swing out and make such a show as this."</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 405px;">
+<img src="images/illus291.png" width="405" height="500"
+alt="Josiah&#39;s &quot;idee&quot; of &quot;them ladies.&quot;"
+title="Josiah&#39;s &quot;idee&quot; of &quot;them ladies.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">Josiah's "idee" of "them ladies."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Them remarks of hisen wuz wrung out of him by the glory of the display,
+as the sweet sap is brung out of the maple trees by the all-powerful
+influence and glory of the spring sun, and they show more plain than
+song or poem of the wonders about us.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah don't love to praise wimmen&mdash;he hates to. But I answered him
+proudly, "Yes, this Magic Wonder Land o' beauty and practical use wuz
+wrought by Sophia Haydon, and other noble wimmen. They must have the
+credit for everything about it, and for all the work it shows off within
+its borders."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "Uncle Sam was a good-actin' creeter for once, anyway, when he
+made that act of Congress about the World's Columbian Exposition. He
+made that body of me<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_281" id="Page_281">[Pg 281]</a></span>n appoint a board of Lady Managers&mdash;two ladies from
+each State and Territory, and eight lady managers at large, and nine at
+Chicago."</p>
+
+<p>That name "Lady Manager" wuz done by Uncle Sam's over-politeness to the
+sect, and I don't know as Josiah wuz to blame. You would think by the
+name that them ladies wuz a-settin' in rows of gilded chairs, a-holdin'
+a rosy in their hands.</p>
+
+<p>But, in fact, amongst them female managers there wuz one hard-workin'
+doctor and lawyer, real-estate agents, journalists, editors, merchants,
+two cotton planters, teachers, artists, farmers, and a cattle queen.</p>
+
+<p>And you'd think to hear it talked on that there wuz only eight ladies at
+large amongst 'em&mdash;that the rest on 'em wuz kinder shet up and hampered.
+But you'd git that idee out of your head after one look in that Woman's
+Buildin'. You'd think that not only the hull board of Lady Managers wuz
+at large, but that every female woman the hull length and breadth of our
+country not only wuz at large, but the wimmen of the hull world. Why,
+connected with this great work is not only the hull caboodle of our own
+wimmen, fur or near&mdash;American wimmen, every one on 'em a queen, or will
+be when she gits her r<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_282" id="Page_282">[Pg 282]</a></span>ights; besides them wimmen, the Queen of England's
+daughter, the Princess Christian, is at the head of the British wimmen
+at the Fair.</p>
+
+<p>And Queen Victoria herself has sent over some things, amongst 'em them
+napkins of hern, spun and wove by her own hands.</p>
+
+<p>What a lesson for snobbish young ladies, who would think it lowerin' to
+hem a napkin! What would they think to tackle 'em in the flax? And then
+there wuz a hat made by England's Queen, and gin to her grand-daughter;
+and there wuz six pictures painted by her, original sketches from nater.
+One view wuz from the Queen's own room at Balmoral.</p>
+
+<p>And then the Princess of Wales sent a chair of carved walnut,
+upholstered with leather, all the work of her own hands.</p>
+
+<p>What another lesson that is to our lazy, fashionable girls! And Princess
+Maud of Wales sent a embroidered piano stool. And Princess Louise&mdash;Miss
+Lorne that now is&mdash;and Princess Beatrice sent the work of their own
+brains and hands.</p>
+
+<p>I guess queens have always made a practice of workin'.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_283" id="Page_283">[Pg 283]</a></span></p><p>Why, I see there&mdash;and I could have wept when I seen it if I'd had the
+time&mdash;an elegant bedquilt made by poor Mary Queen of Scots. She sot the
+last stitches in it the day before her death.</p>
+
+<p>What queer stitches them must have been&mdash;Agony and Remorse a-twistin'
+the thread in the needle.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 454px;">
+<img src="images/illus294.png" width="454" height="500"
+alt="Queen Victoria sent over some things."
+title="Queen Victoria sent over some things." />
+<span class="caption">Queen Victoria sent over some things.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>And then there wuz a piece of embroidery by Queen Marie Antoinette. What
+queer stitches <i>them</i> must have been, if she could have seen the End!</p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz a portrait of Maria de Medici, Queen of France, made
+by herself.</p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz a Bible presented by Queen Anne to the Moravian
+Church of New York, and a Bible of Princess Christian's.</p>
+
+<p>The fine needlework of the wimmen of Greece makes a splendid show. The
+Queen of Greece is at the head of their commission.</p>
+
+<p>The Queen of Italy goes ahead of all the other monarchs; she shows her
+own private collection of lace handkerchiefs, and neckties, and
+mantillys, and so forth. And even her crown laces&mdash;them beautiful laces
+that droop down over her regal head-dress<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_284" id="Page_284">[Pg 284]</a></span> when she sets with her crown
+on, and her sceptre held out in her hand.</p>
+
+<p>The Queen of Belgium is at the head of their exposition. And the German
+commission is headed by a Princess.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, you see from what I have said that there wuz a great variety of
+Queens a-showin' off in that buildin'; and as for Baronnesses, and
+Duchesses, and Ladies, etc., etc.&mdash;why, they wuz as common there as
+clover in a field of timothy. You felt real familiar with 'em.</p>
+
+<p>The reception-room of Mrs. Palmer, the beautiful President of the
+Woman's Committee, is a fittin' room for the presidin' genius.</p>
+
+<p>All along the walls below the ceilin' runs a design of roses, scattered
+and grouped with exquisite taste. Miss Agnes Pitman, of Cincinnati,
+decorated that room.</p>
+
+<p>In Mrs. Palmer's office is a wonderful table donated by the wimmen of
+Pennsylvania.</p>
+
+<p>In that table is cedar from Lebanon, oak from the yoke of Liberty Bell,
+oak from the good old ship Constitution, from Washington's headquarters
+at Valley Forge, and wood from other noted places.</p>
+
+<p>And none of the woods wuz ever put to better use than now, to hold the
+records of woman's Aspirations and Success in 1893.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_285" id="Page_285">[Pg 285]</a></span></p>
+<p>The ceilin' of the New York room wuz designed by Dora Keith Wheeler,
+and is beautiful and effective. And the room is full of objects of
+beauty and use.</p>
+
+<p>The gorgeous President's chair from Mexico is a sight; and so to me wuz
+the chair in the Kentucky room, three hundred years old, that used to be
+sot in by old Elder Brewster, of Plymouth.</p>
+
+<p>Good old creeter! if he could have been moved offen that rock of hisen
+three hundred years ago, into this White City, he would have fell out of
+that chair in a fit&mdash;I most know he would.</p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz a silk flag made by General Sheridan's mother when
+she wuz eighty years old, and a group of dolls dressed in costooms
+illustrating American history.</p>
+
+<p>And there wuz a shirt of old Peter Stuyvesent's and a baby dress of De
+Witt Clinton's.</p>
+
+<p>I never mistrusted that he wuz ever a baby till I seen that dress. I'd
+always thought on him as the first Governor of New York.</p>
+
+<p>And speakin' of babys&mdash;why, I wuz jest a-lookin' at that dress when I
+met Miss Job Presley, of Loontown.</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, almost the first thing, "Where is your baby?"</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_286" id="Page_286">[Pg 286]</a></span></p>
+<p>And she sez, "It is in the Babys' Buildin'. I have got a check for
+her&mdash;one for her, and one for my umbrell." And she showed 'em to me.</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "that is a good, noble idee to rest mothers' tired arms;
+but it must make you feel queer."</p>
+
+<p>And she said, as she put the checks back into her portmoney, "That it
+did make her feel queer as a dog."</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 292px;">
+<img src="images/illus297.png" width="292" height="500"
+alt="Miss Job Presley." title="Miss Job Presley." />
+<span class="caption">Miss Job Presley.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Wall, there wuz a table from Pennsylvania, containin' more than two
+thousand pieces of native wood; and there wuz a Scotchwoman with her
+good old spinnin'-wheel, and a Welsh girl a-weavin' cloth.</p>
+
+<p>And inventions of females of all kinds, from a toboggan slide, and a
+system of irrigation, and models of buildin's of all kinds, to a stock
+car.</p>
+
+<p>Why, the very elevator you rode up to the ruff garden on wuz made by a
+woman.</p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz cotton raised and ginned by wimmen of the South, and
+nets by the wimmen of New Jersey, and fruit raised by the wimmen of
+California&mdash;the m<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_287" id="Page_287">[Pg 287]</a></span>ost beautiful fruit I ever sot my eyes on, and wine
+made by her, too.</p>
+
+<p>(I could have wept when I see that, but presoom it wuz for sickness.)</p>
+
+<p>And from Colorado there wuz tracin's of minin' surveys. Wimmen a-findin'
+out things hid in the bowels of the earth! O good land! the idee on't!</p>
+
+<p>And engravin's and etchin's done by wimmen way back to 1581.</p>
+
+<p>And in stamped leather, wall decoration, furniture, it wuz a sight to
+see the noble doin's of my sect; and a exhibit that done my soul good
+wuz from Belva Lockwood, admittin' wimmen to practise in the Supreme
+Court. That wuz better than leather work, though that is worthy, and wuz
+more elevatin' to my sect than the elevator.</p>
+
+<p>The British exhibit is arranged splendidly to show off wimmen's noble
+work in charity, education, manafacture, art, literature, etc., and
+amongst their patents is one for a fire-escape, and one to extract gold
+from base metals. Both of these are good idees, as there can't anybody
+dispute.</p>
+
+<p>Another exhibit there that appeals strong to the feelin' heart wuz Kate
+Marsdon's Siberian leper village.</p>
+
+<p>She is a nurse of the Red Cross, and her heart ached with pity for them
+wretched<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_288" id="Page_288">[Pg 288]</a></span> lepers, in their dretful lonely huts in the forests of
+Siberia.</p>
+
+<p>She went herself to see their awful condition, and tried to help 'em;
+she raised money herself for horsepitals and nurses.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus299.png" width="500" height="429"
+alt="Relics of Kate Marsdon." title="Relics of Kate Marsdon." />
+<span class="caption">Relics of Kate Marsdon.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Here is a model of the village, with church, horsepital, schoolhouse,
+store, and cottages for them that are able to work.</p>
+
+<p>Here is the saddle she wore durin' her long, dretful journey to Siberia,
+and the knife she carried, and some of the miserable, hard black bread
+she had to eat.</p>
+
+<p>Here are letters to her from Queen Victoria, and the Empress of Russia.</p>
+
+<p>But a Higher Power writ to her, writ on her heart, and went with her
+acrost the dark fields of snow and ice.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, after lookin' at everything under the sun, from a Lion's Head, by
+Rosa Bonhuer, to a piece of bead-work by a Injun, and every queer and
+beautiful Japan thing you ever thought on, or ever didn't think on, and
+everything else under the sun, moon, and stars, that wuz ever made by a
+woman&mdash;and there is no end to 'em&mdash;we went up into the ruff garden,
+where, amidst flowers, and fountains, and fresh air, happy children wuz
+a-playin', with birds and butterflies a-flyin' about 'em over their
+heads.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_289" id="Page_289">[Pg 289]</a></span></p>
+<p>The birds couldn't git out, nor the children either, for up fifteen
+feet high a wire screen wuz stretched along, coverin' the hull beautiful
+garden. Nothin' could git in or out of it but the sweet air and the
+sunshine.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, what a good idee! You could see that the Woman's Buildin' wuz full
+of beautiful, practical idees, from the ground floor to the very top; as
+you could see plain by this that the children wuz thought on and cared
+for, from the bottom to the top of this palace. Some say that wimmen
+soarin' out in art and business makes 'em hard and ontender; you can see
+that this is a plain falsehood jest by walkin' once through the Woman's
+Buildin'.</p>
+
+<p>If ever wimmen soared out in art and business, and genius, and
+philanthropy, and education, and religion, she does here; and from the
+floor to the ruff is the highest signs of her tenderness for the
+children, and all weak and helpless ones.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, what emotions I had in that buildin', and of what a immense size!
+Some of the time I got lost and by the side of myself, a-thinkin' such
+deep and high thoughts about the World's Fair, and wimmen, etc., and
+they wuz so fur-reachin', too; it wuz a sight.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_290" id="Page_290">[Pg 290]</a></span></p><p>For I knew on that openin' day, when the hammer struck that marvellous
+golden nail, and this world of treasures opened at the signal&mdash;I knew
+that the echo of that blow wuzn't a-goin' to die out on Lake Michigan. I
+knew that at its echo old Prejudice, and Custom, and Might wuz a-goin'
+to skulk back and hide their hoary heads; and Young Progress, and
+Equality, and Right wuz a-goin' to advance and take their places.</p>
+
+<p>Stiflin', encumberin' veils wuz a-goin' to fall from the sad eyes of the
+wimmen of the East. Chains wuz a-goin' to fall from the delicate wrists
+of the wimmen of the West.</p>
+
+<p>I hailed that sound as helpin' forward the era of Love, Peace, goodwill
+to men and wimmen.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, it wuz a happy hour for her who was once Smith, when man, in the
+shape of President Cleveland, pressed the button with his thumb. And
+woman, in the form of Bertha Honore Palmer, drove that nail home with a
+hammer.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah thought it ort to been the other way. He sez, "That men wuz so
+used to hammer and nails;" and he sez, and stuck to it, that, "No woman
+livin' ever druv a nail home without splittin' her own nail in the
+effort, and bendin' the nail she driv sideways."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_291" id="Page_291">[Pg 291]</a></span></p><p>But I sot him down in my mind as representin' Old Prejudice, and I did
+not dain a reply to him. Only I merely said&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Wall, she did drive the nail in straight, and she clinched it solid
+with the golden words of her address."</p>
+
+<p>Yes, Mrs. Palmer has stood up on a high mount durin' the hard years past
+since the Fair wuz thought on.</p>
+
+<p>She has stood up so high that she could see things hid from them on the
+ground.</p>
+
+<p>She could see over the hull world, and could see that, like little
+children of one family, the nations wuz all havin' their own separate
+work to do to help their Pa's and Ma's&mdash;their Pa Progress, and Grandpa
+Civilization, and their Ma and Grandma Love and Humanity.</p>
+
+<p>She could see that some of the children wuz dark complexioned, and some
+lighter, and some kinder yeller favored, and some wuz big, and some wuz
+small.</p>
+
+<p>They differed in looks and behavior, as every big family will, and she
+could see that they had their little squabbles together, a-quarrelin'
+among themselves over their possessions, their toys and their
+rights&mdash;they wuz jealous of each other, and greedy, as children will be;
+and they had their perplexities, and their dee<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_292" id="Page_292">[Pg 292]</a></span>p troubles, and their
+vexations, as children must have in this world, and some wuz fractious,
+and some wuz balky, and some wuz good dispositioned, and some wuz cross
+and mean, and had to be spanked more or less.</p>
+
+<p>But she could see from her sightly place that the hull of the children
+wuz a-movin' on, some slower and some faster, movin' on, and a-gittin'
+into line, and a-fallin' into step, to the music of the future.</p>
+
+<p>She could see, and she has seen from the first minute she wuz lifted up
+and looked off over the world, that this gatherin' of all the children
+together, a-showin' the best they had done, or could do, wuz a-goin' to
+help the hull family along more than tongue could tell, or mind could
+conceive of.</p>
+
+<p>She could see that it wuz encouragin' the good children to do still
+better. Allowin' the smart ones to show off their smartness to the best
+advantage. Awakenin' a spirit of helpful emulation in the more backward
+and sluggish of 'em.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, the light from this big house-warmin' she knew would penetrate and
+glow into the darkest corners of the earth, and, like a great warm sun,
+bring forth a glowin' and never-endin' harvest of blessed results.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_293" id="Page_293">[Pg 293]</a></span></p><p>The hull family wuz a-doin' first rate, and their Pa and Ma wuz proud
+enough of 'em.</p>
+
+<p>And they felt well, for they knew that they wuz advancin' rapid, and
+with quick steps and with happy hearts.</p>
+
+<p>And when she looked way back, and watched the long procession a-defilin'
+along, some a-walkin' swift and some a-laggin' back with slower, more
+burdened footsteps (chains of different kinds a-draggin' on 'em)&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>When she see the dark shadders of the past behind 'em&mdash;the dretful
+shapes of ignorance and evil a-lurkin' in the heavy blackness from which
+they wuz emergin'&mdash;her tender heart ached with sympathy.</p>
+
+<p>But when she looked fur off, fur off, ahead on 'em the gole that they
+wuz a-settin' out for, she had to almost lift her hands and hide her
+eyes from the dazzlin' glory.</p>
+
+<p>It most blinded her, so bright it wuz, and so golden the rays streamed
+out.</p>
+
+<p>Equal rights, Freedom for all, Love, Peace, Joy. I spoze she see a
+sight.</p>
+
+<p>Her face shone!</p>
+
+<p>But to resoom: Josiah wuz dretful interested in the Agricultural display
+of the ladies of Iowa, and it wuz interestin' to look at.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_294" id="Page_294">[Pg 294]</a></span></p>
+<p>On one end is panels of pansies all made out of kernels of corn, so
+nateral that you almost wanted to pick 'em off and make a posey of 'em.</p>
+
+<p>On one of the other walls is a row of wimmen's heads done in corn; the
+hair is done in corn silks, and their clothes out of the husks.</p>
+
+<p>And then there is a border made of corn, illustratin' the story of corn
+in Greek Mythology.</p>
+
+<p>There is a picture called the Water Carrier&mdash;a woman made of different
+kinds of corn, jest as nateral as life, and the landscape round her made
+of grasses, and trees of sorghum, and the frame is made of ears of corn.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah wuz crazy to have one to home. Sez he, "Samanthy, I am bound to
+have your picture took in corn, it is so cheap." Sez he, "Ury and I
+could do it some rainy day, and how you would treasure it!" sez he.</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, "I could make your hair out of white silk grass, and your face
+out of red pop-corn mostly." Sez he, "Of course, to make you life size
+it would take a big crop of corn. I should judge," sez he, "that it
+would take about two bushels to make your waist ribbon; but I wouldn't
+begretch it."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "If you want to make me happy in corn, Josiah Allen, take it to
+the m<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_295" id="Page_295">[Pg 295]</a></span>ill and grind it into samp or good fine meal. You and Ury can't
+bring happiness to me by paintin' me in corn, so dismiss the thought to
+once, for I will not be took."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, break it up," sez he bitterly; "you always do, if I branch out
+into anything uneek."</p>
+
+<p>It wuz some time before I could quiet him down.</p>
+
+<p>The display by Norway and Sweden is very complete, showin' the work of
+the lower and upper classes, laces, and embroideries, etc., etc.</p>
+
+<p>And so they wuz from every other nation of the Globe. It fairly makes my
+brain reel now, to think of the wonder and the glory of 'em.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, towards the last we went to see the model kitchen. And Miss Plank,
+who had been off with some friends, jined us here, and she wuz happy
+here, as happy as a queen on her throne; and Josiah, and I thought he
+richly deserved it, in the restaurant attached, he eat such a lunch as
+only a hungry man can eat, cooked jest as good as vittles can be, and
+all done by wimmen. Why, Miss Rorer herself, that I have kep (in book
+form) on my buttery shelf for years, wuz here in the body, a-learnin'
+folks to cook. That is sayin' enough for the vittles to them that knows
+her (in book form).</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_296" id="Page_296">[Pg 296]</a></span></p><p>There wuz every appliance and new-fangled invention to help wimmen cook,
+and do her work, and every old-fangled one. Miss Plank hunted hard to
+find sunthin' to make better pancakes than hern, but couldn't.</p>
+
+<p>But it wuz a sight&mdash;a sight, the things we see there.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, we spent the hull of the day here&mdash;never stepped our feet outside,
+and didn't want to, or at least I didn't.</p>
+
+<p>And as Night softly onrolled her mantilly, previous to drawin' it over
+her face and goin' to sleep, we reluctantly turned our feet away from
+this beautiful, sacred place, and went home on the cars. And didn't the
+bed feel good? And didn't Sleep come like a sweet, consolin' friend and
+lay her hand on my gray hair and weary fore-top jest as lovin' as Mother
+Smith ust to, and murmur in my ear, jest as <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_297" id="Page_297">[Pg 297]</a></span>soft and low as Ma Smith
+did, "Hush, my dear; lie still and slumber."</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XI" id="CHAPTER_XI"></a>CHAPTER XI.</h2>
+
+
+<p>Wall, the next mornin'&mdash;such is the wonderful balm of onbroken sleep
+that any one takes in onbeknown to themselves&mdash;we felt considerable
+brisk.</p>
+
+<p>And Josiah proposed that we should go and pay attention to the Buildin'
+of Liberal Arts and Manafactures that day.</p>
+
+<p>Havin' had my way the day before on goin' to the home and headquarters
+of my sect first, I thought it wuzn't no more than right that my pardner
+should have his way that day as to what buildin' we should pay attention
+to, and he wanted to go to the biggest one next.</p>
+
+<p>He said that, "When he wuz a-shearin' sheep he always wanted to tackle
+the biggest one first, and he felt jest so about any hard job."</p>
+
+<p>I kinder wanted to go to the Art Gallery that mornin'; first wimmen, and
+then Art&mdash;them wuz my choices. But Love prevailed. And the feelin' that,
+after seein' the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_298" id="Page_298">[Pg 298]</a></span>display that wimmen had wrought, that mebby it wuz best
+to go next to the largest house on the grounds, and the most liberal
+one.</p>
+
+<p>So we sot off, after a good breakfast.</p>
+
+<p>We thought we would meander kinder slow that mornin', and examine things
+closely. Truly we had been too much overcome by that first visit the day
+before to take much notice of things in particular.</p>
+
+<p>When that seen had bust onto us it wuz some like a blind man comin' to
+his sight in the middle of a June day. He wouldn't pay any particular
+attention to each separate glory that made up the seen&mdash;blue sky, green
+fields, sunshine, white clouds, sparklin' waters, rustlin' trees, wavin'
+grass, roses, green fields, and so forth and so forth.</p>
+
+<p>No, it would all mingle in one dazzlin' picture before his astounded
+eyeballs. So it had been with us, or with me, at any rate.</p>
+
+<p>Now we laid out to go slower and take things in more separate&mdash;one by
+one, as it were; and we seemed to realize more than we had sensed it the
+immense&mdash;immense size of the depot, the rumble of the elevated trains
+overhead, and the abundance of the facilities to git into the Columbian
+World's Fair.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_299" id="Page_299">[Pg 299]</a></span></p>
+<p>Why, there is about fifty places right there to git tickets, and
+ninety-six turnstiles&mdash;most a hundred! The idee!</p>
+
+<p>Wall, with no casualities worth enumeratin', we found ourselves in that
+glorious Court of Honor, and pretty nigh that gorgeous fountain of
+MacMonnies. This matchless work of art occupies the place of honor
+amidst the incomparable group of wonders in that Court of Honor, and it
+deserves it. Yes, indeed! its size is immense, but it don't show it,
+owin' to the size of the buildin's surroundin' it.</p>
+
+<p>Here in this fountain, as elsewhere at Columbus's doin's, female wimmen
+are put forward in the highest and loftiest places.</p>
+
+<p>High up, enthroned in a mammoth boat, stately and beautiful in design,
+sets a impressive female figger, her face all lit up with Truth and
+Earnest Purpose as she towers up above the others. The boat seems to be
+a-goin' aginst the wind, as boats that amount to anything and git there
+always have in the past, and most likely will in the future. And the
+keen wind wuz a-blowin' hard aginst the female figger that wuz
+a-standin' up in front of the boat, but she didn't care; it blowed her
+drapery back some, but it only floated out her wings better.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_300" id="Page_300">[Pg 300]</a></span></p><p>She held a bugle in her hand, a-soundin' out, I should judge from her
+looks&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"How goes the world? I am comin' to help, but you needn't wait for me&mdash;I
+will overtake you!"</p>
+
+<p>She wuz bound to help the old world along, as you could see by her
+looks.</p>
+
+<p>I thought when I first looked at it that the hull thing wuz to show
+forth the powers of electricity. I thought that that wuz Electricity on
+top of that throne, and the woman in front wuz a-gazin' out fur ahead,
+a-tryin' to catch sight of that most wondrous New World that that
+strange Magician is a-goin' to sail us into. And I didn't wonder that
+she wuz a-gazin' so intent fur off ahead.</p>
+
+<p>For we don't know no more about that strange, onknown world than
+Columbus did when he sot sail from Genoa.</p>
+
+<p>A few strange birds have flown from it and lighted on the heads of the
+Discoverers, a few spars of wisdom has been washed ashore, and some
+strange leaves and sea-weeds, all tellin' us that they have come from a
+new world different from ours, and one more riz up like&mdash;more like the
+Immortal.</p>
+
+<p>But of the hull world of wonder, it is yet to be discovered; and I
+thought, as I looked at it, I shouldn't wonder if they will get
+there&mdash;the figger on<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_301" id="Page_301">[Pg 301]</a></span> the throne wuz so impressive, and the female in
+front so determined.</p>
+
+<p>Wisdom, and courage, and joyful hope and ardor.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_302" id="Page_302">[Pg 302]</a></span></p>
+<p>Helped by 'em, borne along by 'em in the face of envy, and detraction,
+and bigotry, and old custom, the boat sails grandly.</p>
+
+<p>"Ho! up there on the high mast! What news?"</p>
+
+<p>"Light! light ahead!"</p>
+
+<p>But to resoom: a-standin' up on each side of that impressive figger wuz
+another row of females&mdash;mebby they had oars in their hands, showin' that
+they wuz calculatin' to take hold and row the boat for a spell if it got
+stuck; and mebby they wuz poles, or sunthin'.</p>
+
+<p>But I don't believe they meant to use 'em on that solitary man that
+stood in back end of the boat, a-propellin' it&mdash;it would have been a
+shame if they had.</p>
+
+<p>No; I believe that they meant to help at sunthin' or ruther with them
+long sticks.</p>
+
+<p>They wuz all a-lookin' some distance ahead, all a-seemin' bound to get
+where they started for.</p>
+
+<p>Besides bein' gorgeous in the extreme, I took it as bein' a compliment
+to my sect, the way that fountain wuz laid out&mdash;ten or a dozen wimmen,
+and only one or two men. But after I got it all fixed out in my mind
+what that lofty and impressive figger meant, a bystander a-standin' by
+explained it all out to me.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_303" id="Page_303">[Pg 303]</a></span></p>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus312.png" width="500" height="334"
+alt="I took it as bein&#39; a compliment to my sect the way that fountain wuz laid out."
+title="I took it as bein&#39; a compliment to my sect the way that fountain wuz laid out." />
+<span class="caption">I took it as bein' a compliment to my sect the way that fountain wuz laid out--ten or a dozen wimmen and only one or two men.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>He said that the female figger way up above the rest wuz Columbia,
+beautiful, strong, fearless.</p>
+
+<p>And that it wuz Fame that stood at the prow with the bugle, and that it
+wuz Father Time at the hellum, a-guidin' it through the dangers of the
+centuries.</p>
+
+<p>And the female figgers around Columbia's throne wuz meant for Science,
+Industry, Commerce, Agriculture, Music, Drama, Paintin', and Literature,
+all on 'em a-helpin' Columbia along in her grand pathway.</p>
+
+<p>And then I see that what I had hearn wuz true, that Columbia had jest
+discovered Woman. Yes, the boat wuz headed directly towards Woman, who
+stood up one hundred feet high in front.</p>
+
+<p>And I see plain that Columbia couldn't help discoverin' her if she
+wanted to, when she's lifted herself up so, and is showin' plain in 1893
+jest how lofty and level-headed, how many-sided and yet how symmetrical
+she is.</p>
+
+<p>There she stands (Columbia didn't have to take my word for it), there
+she<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_304" id="Page_304">[Pg 304]</a></span> wuz a-towerin' up one hundred feet, lofty, serene, and sweet-faced,
+her calm, tender eyes a-lookin' off into the new order of centuries.</p>
+
+<p>And Columbia wuz a-sailin' right towards her, steered by Time, the
+invincible.</p>
+
+<p>I see there wuz a great commotion down in the water, a-snortin', and
+a-plungin', and a-actin' amongst the lower order of intelligences.</p>
+
+<p>But Columbia's eyes wuz clear, and calm, and determined, and Old Time
+couldn't be turned round by any prancin' from the powers below.</p>
+
+<p><i>Woman is discovered.</i></p>
+
+<p>But to resoom. This immense boat wuz in the centre, jest as it should
+be; and all before it and around wuz the horses of Neptune, and
+mermaids, and fishes, and all the mystery of the sea.</p>
+
+<p>Some of the snortin' and prancin' of the horses of the Ocean, and
+pullin' at the bits, so's the men couldn't hardly hold 'em, wuz meant, I
+spoze, to represent how awful tuckerin' it is for humanity to control
+the forces of Nater.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, of all the sights I ever see, that fountain wuz the upshot and cap
+sheaf; and how I would have loved to have told Mr. MacMonnies so! It
+would have been so encouragin' to him, and it would have seemed to have
+relieved<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_305" id="Page_305">[Pg 305]</a></span> that big debt of gratitude that Jonesville and America owed to
+him; and how I wish I could make a good cup of tea for him, and brile a
+hen or a hen turkey! I'd do it with a willin' mind.</p>
+
+<p>I wish he'd come to Jonesville and make a all-day's visit&mdash;stay to
+dinner and supper, and all night if he will, and travel round through
+Jonesville the next day. I would enjoy it, and so would Josiah. Of
+course, we couldn't show off in fireworks anything to what he does,
+havin' nothin' but a lantern and a torchlight left over from Cleveland's
+campain. No; we shouldn't try to have no such doin's. I know when I am
+outdone.</p>
+
+<p>Bime-by we stood in front of that noble statute of the Republic.</p>
+
+<p>And as I gazed clost at it, and took in all its noble and serene beauty,
+I had emotions of a bigger size, and more on 'em, than I had had in some
+time.</p>
+
+<p>Havin' such feelin's as I have for our own native land&mdash;discovered by
+Christopher Columbus, founded by George Washington, rescued, defended,
+and saved by Lincoln and Grant (and I could preach hours and hours on
+each one of these noble male texts, if I had time)&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_306" id="Page_306">[Pg 306]</a></span></p><p>Bein' so proud of the Republic as I have always been, and so sot on
+wantin' her to do jest right and soar up above all the other nations of
+the earth in nobility and goodness&mdash;havin' such feelin's for her, and
+such deep and heartfelt love and pride for my own sect&mdash;what wuz my
+emotions, as I see that statute riz up to the Republic in the form of a
+woman, when I went up clost and paid particular attention to her!</p>
+
+<p>A female, most sixty-five feet tall! Why, as I looked on her, my
+emotions riz me up so, and seemed to expand my own size so, that I felt
+as if I, too, towered up so high that I could lock arms with her, and
+walk off with her arm in arm, and look around and enjoy what wuz bein'
+done there in the great To-Day for her sect, and mine; and what that
+sect wuz a-branchin' out and doin' for herself.</p>
+
+<p>But, good land! it wuz only my emotions that riz me up; my common sense
+told me that I couldn't walk locked arms with her, for she wuz built out
+in the water, on a stagin' that lifted her up thirty or forty feet
+higher.</p>
+
+<p>And her hands wuz stretched out as if to welcome Columbia, who wuz
+a-sailin' right towards her. On the right hand a globe was held; the
+left arm extended above her head, holdin' a pole.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_307" id="Page_307">[Pg 307]</a></span></p><p>I didn't know what that pole wuz for, and I didn't ask; but she held it
+some as if she wuz liable to bring it down onto the globe and gin it a
+whack. And I didn't wonder.</p>
+
+<p>It is enough to make a stun woman, or a wooden female, mad, to see how
+the nation always depicters wimmen in statutes, and pictures, and
+things, as if they wuz a-holdin' the hull world in the palm of their
+hand, when they hain't, in reality, willin' to gin 'em the right that a
+banty hen has to take care of their own young ones, and protect 'em from
+the hoverin' hawks of intemperance and every evil.</p>
+
+<p>But mebby she didn't have no idee of givin' a whack at the globe; she
+wuz a-holdin' it stiddy when I seen her, and she looked calm, and
+middlin' serene, and as beautiful, and lofty, and inspirin' as they
+make.</p>
+
+<p>She wuz dressed well, and a eagle had come to rest on her bosom,
+symbolical, mebby, of how wimmen's heart has, all through the ages, been
+the broodin' place and the rest of eagle man, and her heart warmed by
+its soft, flutterin' feathers, and pierced by its cruel beak.</p>
+
+<p>The crown wore on top of her noble forehead wuz dretful appropriate to
+show what wuz inside of a woman's head; for it wuz made of electric
+lights&mdash;flashin' lights, and strange, w<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_308" id="Page_308">[Pg 308]</a></span>rought of that mysterious
+substance that we don't understand yet.</p>
+
+<p>But we know that it is luminous, fur-reachin' in its rays, and possesses
+almost divine intelligence.</p>
+
+<p>It sheds its pure white light a good ways now, and no knowin' how much
+further it is a-goin' to flash 'em out&mdash;no knowin' what sublime and
+divine power of intelligence it will yet grow to be, when it is fully
+understood, and when it has the full, free power to branch out, and do
+all that is in it to do.</p>
+
+<p>Jest like wimmen's love, and divine ardor, and holy desires for a
+world's good&mdash;jest exactly.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz a good-lookin' head-dress.</p>
+
+<p>Her figger wuz noble, jest as majestic and perfect as the human form can
+be. And it stood up there jest as the Lord meant wimmen to stand, not
+lookin' like a hour-glass or a pismire, but a good sensible waist on
+her, jest as human creeters ort to have.</p>
+
+<p>I don't know what dressmakers would think of her. I dare presoom to say
+they would look down on her because she didn't taper. And they would
+probable be disgusted because she didn't wear cossets.</p>
+
+<p>But to me one of the greatest and grandest uses of that noble figger wuz
+to sta<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_309" id="Page_309">[Pg 309]</a></span>nd up there a-preachin' to more than a million wimmen daily of the
+beauty and symmetry of a perfect form, jest as the Lord made it, before
+it wuz tortured down into deformity and disease by whalebones and cosset
+strings.</p>
+
+<p>Imagine that stately, noble presence a-scrunchin' herself in to make a
+taper on herself&mdash;or to have her long, graceful, stately draperies cut
+off into a coat-tail bask&mdash;the idee!</p>
+
+<p>Here wuz the beauty and dignity of the human form, onbroken by vanity
+and folly. And I did hope my misguided sect would take it to heart.</p>
+
+<p>And of all the crowds of wimmen I see a-standin' in front of it admirin'
+it, I never see any of 'em, even if their own waists did look like
+pismires, but what liked its looks.</p>
+
+<p>Till one day I did see two tall, spindlin', fashionable-lookin' wimmen
+a-lookin' at it, and one sez to the other:</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, how sweet she would look in elbow-sleeves and a tight-fittin'
+polenay!"</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez the other; "and a bell skirt ruffled almost to the waist, and
+a Gainsboro hat, and a parasol."</p>
+
+<p>"And high-heel shoes and seven-button gloves," sez the other.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_310" id="Page_310">[Pg 310]</a></span></p>
+<p>And I turned my back on them then and there, and don't know what other
+improvements they did want to add to her&mdash;most likely a box of French
+candy, a card-case, some eye-glasses, a yeller-covered novel, and a pug
+dog. The idee!</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 216px;">
+<img src="images/illus321.png" width="216" height="500"
+alt="&quot;How sweet she would look!&quot;"
+title="&quot;How sweet she would look!&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"How sweet she would look!"</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>And as I wended on at a pretty good jog after hearin' 'em, I sez to
+myself&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Some wimmen are born fools, some achieve foolishness, and some have
+foolishness thrust on 'em, and I guess them two had all three of 'em."</p>
+
+<p>I said it to myself loud enough so's Josiah heard me, and he sez in
+joyful axents&mdash;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_311" id="Page_311">[Pg 311]</a></span></p>
+<p>"I am glad, Samantha, that you have come to your senses at last, and
+have a realizin' sense of your sect's weaknesses and folly."</p>
+
+<p>And I wuz that wrought up with different emotions that I wuz almost
+perfectly by the side of myself, and I jest said to him&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Shet up!"</p>
+
+<p>I wouldn't argy with him. I wuz fearful excited a-contemplatin' the
+heights of true womanhood and the depths of fashionable folly that a
+few&mdash;a very few&mdash;of my sect yet waded round in.</p>
+
+<p>But after I got quite a considerable distance off, I instinctively
+turned and looked up to the face of that noble creeter, the Republic.</p>
+
+<p>And I see that she didn't care what wuz said about her.</p>
+
+<p>Her face wuz sot towards the free, fresh air of the future&mdash;the past wuz
+behind her. The winds of Heaven wuz fannin' her noble fore-top, her eyes
+wuz lookin' off into the fur depths of space, her lips wuz wreathed with
+smiles caught from the sun and the dew, and the fire of the golden dawn.</p>
+
+<p>She wuz riz up above the blame or praise&mdash;the belittlin', foolish,
+personal babblin' of contemporary criticism.</p>
+
+<p>Her head wuz lifted towards the stars.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_312" id="Page_312">[Pg 312]</a></span></p>
+<p>But to resoom, and continue on.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XII" id="CHAPTER_XII"></a>CHAPTER XII.</h2>
+
+
+<p>After we reluctantly left off contemplatin' that statute of Woman, we
+wended along to the buildin' of Manafactures and Liberal Arts, that
+colossial structure that dwarfs all the other giants of the Exposition.</p>
+
+<p>This is the largest buildin' ever constructed by any exposition
+whatsoever.</p>
+
+<p>It covers with its galleries forty acres of land&mdash;it is as big as the
+hull of Elam Bobbet's farm&mdash;and Elam gets a good livin' offen that farm
+for him and Amanda and eight children, and he raises all kinds of crops
+on it, besides cows, and colts, and hens, grass land and pasture, and a
+creek goes a-runnin' through it, besides a piece of wood lot.</p>
+
+<p>And then, think to have one buildin' cover a place as large as Elam's
+farm! Why, jest the idee on't would, I believe, stunt Amanda Bobbet, or
+else throw her into spazzums.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_313" id="Page_313">[Pg 313]</a></span></p><p>For she has always felt dretful proud of their farm, and the size of it;
+she has always said that it come hard on Elam to do all the work
+himself on such a big farm. She has acted haughty.</p>
+
+<p>And then, if I could have took Amanda by the hand, and sez&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Here, Amanda, is one house that covers as much ground as your hull
+farm!"</p>
+
+<p>I believe she would have fell right down in a coniption fit.</p>
+
+<p>But Amanda wuzn't there; I had only my faithful pardner to share my
+emotions, as I went into one of its four great entrances, under its
+triumphal arches, each one bein' 40 feet wide and 80 feet high&mdash;as long
+as from our house to the back pasture.</p>
+
+<p>The idee! the idee!</p>
+
+<p>Why, to change my metafor a little about the bigness of this buildin',
+so's to let foreign nations git a little clearer idee of the size on't,
+I will state&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>This one house is bigger than all those of Jonesville, and Loontown, and
+Shackville, and Zoar. It is the biggest house on this planet. Whether
+they have got any bigger ones in Mars, or Jupiter, or Saturn, I don't
+know; but I will say this&mdash;if they have, and the Marites, and
+Jupiterians, and Satens, are made up as we be, and calculate to go
+through the buildin's, I am sorry for their legs.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_314" id="Page_314">[Pg 314]</a></span></p>
+<p>It faces the lake, in plain view of all admirin' mariners, the long row
+of arches, and columns; is ornamented beyend anything that Jonesville
+ever drempt of, or Zoar, and a gallery fifty feet wide runs all round
+the buildin'; and from this gallery runs eighty-six smaller galleries,
+so nothin' hinders folks from lookin' down into the big hall below, and
+seein' the gorgeous seen of the Exposition, and the immense throng of
+people admirin' it.</p>
+
+<p>As Josiah and I wuz a-wendin' along on the gallery a-frontin' the lake,
+I heard a man&mdash;he looked some like a minister, too&mdash;say to another one,
+sez he, "The style of this buildin' is Corinthian."</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus326.png" width="500" height="454"
+alt="&quot;This Buildin&#39; is Corinthian.&quot;"
+title="&quot;This Buildin&#39; is Corinthian.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"This Buildin&#39; is Corinthian."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>And I spoke right up, bein' determined that Josiah and I too should be
+took for what we wuz&mdash;good, Bible-readin' Methodists.</p>
+
+<p>I said to Josiah, but loud enough so that the man should hear&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"The New Testament hain't got a better book in it than Corinthians&mdash;it
+is one of my favorites; I am glad that this buildin' takes after it."</p>
+
+<p>He looked k<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_315" id="Page_315">[Pg 315]</a></span>inder dumfoundered, and then he looked tickled; he see that
+we wuz congenial, though we met only as two barks that meet on the
+ocean, or two night-hawks a-sailin' past each other in the woods at
+Jonesville.</p>
+
+<p>But true it is that a good-principled person is always ready to stand by
+his colors.</p>
+
+<p>But the crowd swept us on, and we wuz divided&mdash;he to carry his good,
+solid principles out-doors, and disseminate 'em under the open sky; I to
+carry mine inside that immense&mdash;immense buildin'.</p>
+
+<p>Why, a week wouldn't do justice at all to this buildin'&mdash;you ort to come
+here every day for a month at least, and then you wouldn't see a half or
+a quarter of what is in it.</p>
+
+<p>Why, to stand and look all round you, and up and down the long aisles
+that stretch out about you on every side, you feel some as a ant would
+feel a-lookin' up round it in a forest, (I mean the ant "Thou sluggard"
+went to, not your ma's sister.)</p>
+
+<p>Fur up, fur up the light comes down through the immense skylight, so it
+is about like bein' out-doors, and in the night it is most as light as
+day, for the ark lights are so big that, if you'll believe it, there are
+galleries of 'em up in the chandliers, and men a-walkin' round in 'em
+a-fixin' the lights look like flies a-creepin' about. The idee!</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_316" id="Page_316">[Pg 316]</a></span></p>
+<p>And the exhibits in that buildin' are like the sands of the sea for
+number, and it would be harder work to count 'em if you wuz a-goin' to
+tackle the job, for they hain't spread out smooth, like sea sand, but
+are histed up into the most gorgeous and beautiful pavilions, fixed off
+beyend anything you ever drempt on, or read of in Arabian Nights, or
+anywhere else.</p>
+
+<p>They wuz like towerin' palaces within a palace, and big towers all
+covered with wonderful exhibits, and cupalos, and peaks, and scollops,
+and every peak and every scollop ornamented and garnished beyend your
+wildest fancy.</p>
+
+<p>The United States don't make such a big show as Germany duz, right
+acrost, but come to look clost, you'll see that she holds her own.</p>
+
+<p>Why, Tiffany's and Gorham's beautiful pavilion, that rises up as a sort
+of a centre piece to the United States exhibit, some think are the most
+beautiful in the hull Exposition.</p>
+
+<p>Big crowds are always standin' in front of that admirin'ly; the
+decoration and colorin' are perfect.</p>
+
+<p>The pavilions of the different nations tower up in all their grandeur
+that their goverments could expend on 'em, and they rival each other in
+beauty; but private undertakin's show off nobly.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_317" id="Page_317">[Pg 317]</a></span></p>
+<p>There wuz one man who sells stoves who has built a stove as big as a
+house&mdash;put electric lights in it, to show off its name, and he asks
+folks to step into the stove, which is a pavilion, to see what he has to
+sell.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 367px;">
+<img src="images/illus328.png" width="367" height="500"
+alt="He asks folks to step into the stove."
+title="He asks folks to step into the stove." />
+<span class="caption">He asks folks to step into the stove.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>And then one man&mdash;a trunk-maker&mdash;has made a glass trunk as big as a
+house, and shows off his exhibits there.</p>
+
+<p>And take the thousands and thousands of pavilions and pagodas on every
+side of you, and every one of 'em filled with thousands and millions of
+beautiful exhibits, and you can see what a condition your head would be
+in after a half a day in that buildin', let alone your legs.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_318" id="Page_318">[Pg 318]</a></span></p>
+<p>Some think that the German Pavilion is the most notable of any. Never
+wuz such iron gates seen in this country, a-towerin' up twenty feet
+high, and ornamented off in the most elaborate manner, and high towers
+crowned by their gold eagles; and high up in the back is a majestic
+bronze Germania. On either side, and in the centre, are other wonderful
+pavilions. If you go through these gates you will want to stay there a
+week right along, examinin' the world of objects demandin' your
+attention&mdash;marvellous tapestry, porcelain, paintin', statuary,
+furniture, hammered iron, copper, printin', lithographin', etc., and
+etcetry.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz here that we see the Columbian diamond, a blue brilliant, the
+finest diamond at the Exposition.</p>
+
+<p>The French pavilion is a dream of beauty. It rises up in white,
+marble-like beauty, not excelled by any country, it seems to me, and is
+filled with the very finest things to be found in the French shops, and
+that is sayin' the finest in the world.</p>
+
+<p>Here are beautiful figgers in wax, wearin' the most magnificent dresses
+you ever hearn on&mdash;Papa, Mama, Grandma, Baby, and Nurse&mdash;all fitted out
+in clothes suitable, and the hite of beauty and elegance.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_319" id="Page_319">[Pg 319]</a></span></p><p>Why, in goin' through this section you can jest imagine the most
+beautiful and perfect things you ever hearn on in dress, furniture,
+jewelry, etc., etc., and multiply 'em by one hundred, and then you
+wouldn't figger out the result half gorgeous enough.</p>
+
+<p>Why, it is insured for ten millions, and it is worth it. I wouldn't take
+a cent less for it&mdash;not a cent; and so I told Josiah.</p>
+
+<p>Why, there is one baby's cradle worth thirty-one thousand dollars, and a
+vase at twenty thousand, and a parasol at two thousand five hundred, and
+other things accordin'&mdash;the idee!</p>
+
+<p>The Gobelin tapestries that are loaned by the French Goverment are
+absolutely priceless.</p>
+
+<p>Austria's big pavilion has her double eagles reared up over it; it
+stands up sixty-five feet high, and is full of splendor.</p>
+
+<p>Bohemian glass in every form and shape bein' one of its best exhibits,
+and terry-cotty figgers, and beautiful gifts of Honor loaned by the
+Emperor, and etc.</p>
+
+<p>And you can tell the Russian pavilion as fur as you can see it by its
+dark, strong architecture.</p>
+
+<p>Along the outer court runs a long platform ornamented with urns and
+vases of hewn marble and other hard stuns, from the exile mines of
+Siberia.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_320" id="Page_320">[Pg 320]</a></span></p>
+<p>I wondered how many tears had wet the stuns as they wuz hewn out.</p>
+
+<p>But, howsumever, the Russians did well; their enamel in this exhibit is
+the best shown anywhere. They are dretful costly, but not any too much
+for the value of 'em. They don't want to cheat America, the Russians
+don't&mdash;they remember the past.</p>
+
+<p>One giant punch-bowl of gilt enamel is claimed to be the finest thing of
+the kind ever done in the Empire.</p>
+
+<p>Their bronzes are wonderful&mdash;there is vigor and life in 'em. A Laplander
+in his sledge, drawn by reindeers over the frozen sea, and a dromedary
+and his driver on the sandy desert, shows plain how fur the Zar's
+dominions extend.</p>
+
+<p>A Laplander killin' a seal in a ice hole&mdash;Two horses a-goin' furiously,
+tryin' to drag a sleigh away from pursuin' wolves&mdash;Mounted
+Cossacks&mdash;Farmers ploughin' the fields&mdash;A woman ridin' a farm horse,
+with a long rake in her hand&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>A woman standin' on tiptoe to kiss her Cossack as he bends from his
+saddle&mdash;A rough rider out on the steepes a-catchin' a wild horse.</p>
+
+<p>After ten or twelve acres of Nymphs and Venuses in bronze, these are
+real refreshin' to see, and a change. And in furs and such their display
+is magnificent.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_321" id="Page_321">[Pg 321]</a></span></p>
+<p>Russia shows eight hundred schools in the Liberal Art Department, and
+it is here that the beautiful pieces of embroidery made by the larger
+scholars for Mrs. Grover Cleveland are displayed.</p>
+
+<p>No, Russia don't forgit the past.</p>
+
+<p>And the display of laces in the Belgian exhibit is sunthin' to remember
+for a hull lifetime, and its pottery, and gems, and bronzes. And the
+exhibit of Switzerland, though not so large as some of the rest, is
+uneek. Their exhibit is all surrounded by a panorama of the Alps, the
+high mountains a-lookin' down into the peaceful valley, with its arts
+and industries.</p>
+
+<p>Great Britain don't make so much show in her pavilions and in showin'
+off her things; but come to examine it clost, and you'll see, as is
+generally the case with our Ma Country, the sterling, sound qualities of
+solid worth.</p>
+
+<p>Her immense display of furniture, jewelry, and all objects of art and
+industry are worth spendin' weeks over, and then you'd want to stay
+longer.</p>
+
+<p>They don't make any attempt at display in pavilions and show winders.
+But in the plain, rich cases you find some of the most wonderful and
+gorgeous works of man.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_322" id="Page_322">[Pg 322]</a></span></p><p>I spoze, mebby, as is the nater of showin' off, the Ma Country felt some
+as if she wuz right in the family, and she and her daughter America
+hadn't ort to dress up and try to put on so many ornaments as the
+visitors.</p>
+
+<p>I make a practice of that myself, to try to not dress up quite so
+ornamental as my company duz.</p>
+
+<p>But for solid worth and display, as I say, Great Britain and the United
+States are where they always are&mdash;in the first rank.</p>
+
+<p>But, speakin' of the visitors of the nation, if you want to git a good
+sight of 'em, jest stand in the clock tower, which looms up in the
+centre of the forty-acre buildin', as high as a Chicago house (and that
+is sayin' enough for hite), and you'll see all round you all the nations
+of the earth.</p>
+
+<p>The guests of the nation occupy the place of honor, as they ort to.</p>
+
+<p>Lookin' down, you see the flags of Great Britain, France, Germany,
+Russia, Austria, Japan, India, Switzerland, Persia, Mexico, etc., etc.,
+etc.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, Josiah wanted to go up to the top of the buildin' on the elevator,
+and though I considered it resky, I consented, and would you believe
+it&mdash;I don't suppose you will&mdash;but to look down from that hite, human
+bein's don't l<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_323" id="Page_323">[Pg 323]</a></span>ook much larger than flies. There they wuz, a-creepin'
+round in their toy-house fly-traps; it wuz a sight never to be forgot
+as long as Memory sets upon her high throne.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, as I said, in them pavilions and gorgeous glass cases in that vast
+buildin' you can find everything from every country on the globe.</p>
+
+<p>Everything you ever hearn on, and everything you ever didn't hearn on,
+from the finest lace to iron gates and fences&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>From big, splendid rooms, all furnished off in the most splendid manner
+with the most gorgeous draperies and furniture, to a tiny gold and
+diamond ring for a baby, and everything else under the sun, moon, and
+stars, from a pill to a monument.</p>
+
+<p>Pictures, and statuary, and bronzes, and every other kind of beautiful
+ornament, that makes you fairly stunted with admiration as you look on
+'em.</p>
+
+<p>At one place a silver fountain wuz sendin' up constantly a spray of the
+sweetest perfume, and when I first looked at it, Josiah wuz a-holdin'
+his bandana handkerchief under it, and he wuz a-dickerin' with the girl
+that stood behind it as to what such a fountain cost, and where he could
+git the water to run one.</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, "I'd give a dollar bill to have such a stream a-runnin' through
+our front yard."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_324" id="Page_324">[Pg 324]</a></span></p>
+<p>I hunched him, and sez I, "Keep still; don't show your ignorance. It
+hain't nateral water; it is manafactured."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall, all water is manafactured! Dum it, the stream that runs through
+our beaver medder is made somehow, or most probable it wouldn't be
+there."</p>
+
+<p>But I drawed him away and headed him up before some lovely dresses&mdash;the
+handsomest you ever see in your life&mdash;all trimmed with gold and pearl
+trimmin'. The price of that outfit wuz only twenty thousand dollars.</p>
+
+<p>And when I mentioned how becomin' such a dress would become me, I see by
+his words and mean that he had forgot the fountain.</p>
+
+<p>The demeanin' words that he used about my figger would keep females back
+from matrimony, if they knew on 'em.</p>
+
+<p>But I won't tell. No, indeed!</p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz all sorts of art work on enamel and metal, and all
+sorts of dazzlin' jewelry that wuz ever made or thought on, and all the
+silverware that wuz ever hearn or drempt of&mdash;why, jest one little
+service of seven pieces cost twenty thousand dollars.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_325" id="Page_325">[Pg 325]</a></span></p><p>In Tiffany's gorgeous display wuz a case that illustrated the arts in
+Ireland in the fourteenth century.</p>
+
+<p>They said that it contained a tooth of St. Patrick. Mebbe it wuz his
+tooth; I can't dispute it, never havin' seen his gooms.</p>
+
+<p>Then there wuz a Latin book of the eighth century, containin' the four
+gospels; and in another wuz St. Peter's cross, they said. Mebby it wuz
+Peter's!</p>
+
+<p>And every kind of silk fabric that wuz ever made&mdash;raw silk, jest as the
+worm left it when she sot up as a butterfly, and jest what man has done
+to it after that&mdash;spinnin', weavin', dyein'&mdash;up to the time when it
+appears in the finest ribbon, and glossiest silk, and crapes, and
+gauzes, and velvets, and knit goods of every kind, and etc., and so
+forth.</p>
+
+<p>And every kind of cloth, and felt, and woollen, and carpets enough to
+carpet a path clear from Chicago to Jonesville for me and Josiah to go
+home in a triumphal procession, if they had felt like it.</p>
+
+<p>In front of the French section I see another statute of the Republic.</p>
+
+<p>She wuz a-settin' down. Poor creeter, she wuz tired; and then agin she
+had seen trouble&mdash;lots of it.</p>
+
+<p>Her left arm was a-restin' firm on a kind of a square block, with "The
+Rights of Man" carved on it, and half<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_326" id="Page_326">[Pg 326]</a></span> hidin' them words wuz a sword,
+which she also held in her left hand.</p>
+
+<p>The rights of Man and a sword wuz held in one hand, jest as they always
+have been.</p>
+
+<p>But, poor creeter! her right arm wuz gone&mdash;her good right hand wuz
+nowhere to be seen.</p>
+
+<p>I don't like to talk too glib about the judgments of Providence. The bad
+boys don't always git drownded when they go fishin' Sundays&mdash;they often
+git home with long strings of trout, and lick the good boys on their way
+home from Sunday-school. Such is real life, too oft.</p>
+
+<p>But I couldn't help sayin' to Josiah&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Mebby if they had put onto that little monument she holds, 'The Rights
+of Man and Woman'&mdash;mebby she wouldn't had her arm took off."</p>
+
+<p>But anyway, judgment or not, anybody could see with one eye how
+one-sided, and onhandy, and cramped, and maimed, and everything a
+Republic is who has the use of only one of her arms. Them that run could
+read the great lesson&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Male and female created He them."</p>
+
+<p>Both arms are needed to clasp round the old world, and hold it
+firm&mdash;Justice on one side, Love on the other.</p>
+
+<p>I felt sorry for the Republic&mdash;sorry as a dog.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_327" id="Page_327">[Pg 327]</a></span></p><p>But that wuz the first time I see her. The next time she had had her arm
+put on.</p>
+
+<p>I guess Uncle Sam done it. That old man is a-gittin' waked up, and
+Eternal Right is a-hunchin' him in the sides.</p>
+
+<p>She wuz a-holdin' that right arm up towards the Heavens; the fingers wuz
+curved a little&mdash;they seemed to be begenin' to sunthin' up in the sky to
+come down and bless the world.</p>
+
+<p>Mebby it wuz Justice she wuz a-callin' on to come down and watch over
+the rights of wimmen. Anyway, she looked as well agin with both arms on
+her.</p>
+
+<p>Amongst the wonders of beauty in the French exhibit we see that vase of
+Gustave Dore's. That attracted crowds of admirers the hull time; it
+stood up fifteen feet high, and every inch of it wuz beautiful enough
+for the very finest handkerchief pin!</p>
+
+<p>There wuz hundreds of figgers from the animal and vegetable kingdom, and
+Mythology&mdash;cupids, nymphs, birds, and butterflies disportin' themselves
+in the most graceful way, and such beautiful female figgers!&mdash;Venuses as
+beautiful as dreams, and over all, and through all, wuz a-trailin' the
+rich clusters of the vine.</p>
+
+<p>The figgers seemed at first sight to kind o' encourage wine-makin' and
+wine-drink<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_328" id="Page_328">[Pg 328]</a></span>in'. But look clost, and you'd see on one side, workin' his
+stiddy way up through the fairy landscape, up through the gay
+revellers, a venemous serpent wuz a-creepin'.</p>
+
+<p>He wuz bound to be there, and Venus or Nymph, or any of 'em that touched
+that foamin' wine, had to be stung by his deadly venoms. Mr. Dore made
+that plain.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, we tried to the best of our ability to not slight a single
+country, but I'm afraid we did; I tried to act the part of a lady and
+pay attention to the hull on 'em, but I'm afraid that fifty or sixty
+countries had reason to feel that we slighted 'em; but I hope that this
+will explain matters to 'em.</p>
+
+<p>I felt that I hadn't done justice to our own country and our Ma Country,
+not at all; but when you jest think how big the United States is, and
+how many firms try to show off in every county of every State&mdash;why, it
+tires anybody jest to think on't; and Great Britain too; for, as I
+thought, what good duz visitors do when their brain is a-reelin' under
+their head-dresses, and stove-pipe hats! And truly that wuz our
+condition before we fairly begun to go through the countries.</p>
+
+<p>Beautiful works of art&mdash;marvellous exhibits to the right of us, to the
+left of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_329" id="Page_329">[Pg 329]</a></span> us, and before us and behind us&mdash;forty-five acres on 'em. What
+wuz two small pair of eyes and four ears to set up aginst this
+colossial and imeasureable show!</p>
+
+<p>We went till we wuz ready to drop down, and then Josiah sez, "Less take
+the rest of the grandeur for granted, and less go somewhere and git a
+cup of tea, and a nip of sunthin' to eat."</p>
+
+<p>I said sunthin' about hurtin' the different countries feelin's by not
+payin' attention to 'em.</p>
+
+<p>And he sez, "Dum it all, I don't know as it would make 'em any happier
+to have two old folks die on their hands; and I feel, Samantha, that the
+end is a-drawin' near," sez he.</p>
+
+<p>He did look real bad. So we went to the nearest place and got a cup of
+tea, and rested a spell, and when we come back we kinder left the
+Manafactures part, and tackled the Liberal part, and I declare that wuz
+the best of all by fur.</p>
+
+<p>That wuz enough to lift up anybody's morals, and prop 'em up strong, to
+see how much attention is paid to education and trainin' right from the
+nursery up&mdash;devolipin' the mind and the body.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz some as if the Manafactures part tended to the house and
+clothin', and this part tended to the livin' soul that inhabited it.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_330" id="Page_330">[Pg 330]</a></span></p><p>It wuz dretful interestin' to see everything about devolipin' the
+strength and muscle in gymnasiums, skatin', rowin', boatin', and every
+other way. Food supply and its distribution, school kitchens. How to
+make buildin's the best way for health and comfort for workin'men,
+school-housen, churches, and etc. How to heat and ventilate housen, how
+to keep the sewers and drains all right, and how neccessary that is!
+Some folkses back doors are a abomination when their front doors are
+full of ornament.</p>
+
+<p>All kinds of instruction in infant schools, kindergartens; domestic and
+industrial trainin' for girls, models for teachin' and cookery,
+housework, dressmakin', etc.; how neccessary this is to turn out girls
+for real life, so much better than to have 'em know Greek, but not know
+a potatoe from a turnip; to understand geology, but not recognize a
+shirt gusset from a baby's bib!</p>
+
+<p>Books, literature, examples of printin' paper, bindin', religion,
+natural sciences, fine arts, school-books, newspapers, library
+apparatus, publications by Goverment, etc.</p>
+
+<p>And wuzn't it a queer coincidence? that right where books wuz all round
+me, right while my eyes wuz sot on 'em&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_331" id="Page_331">[Pg 331]</a></span></p><p>I hearn a voice I recognized. It wuz a-givin' utterance to the words I
+had heard so often&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Two dollars and a half for cloth&mdash;three for sheep, and four for
+morocco."</p>
+
+<p>I turned, and there she wuz; there stood Arvilly Lanfear. She wuz in
+front of a good, meek-lookin' freckled woman, a-canvassin' her.</p>
+
+<p>Or, that is, she wuzn't exactly applyin' the canvas to her, but she wuz
+a-preparin' her for it.</p>
+
+<p>It seemed that she had been introduced to her, and wuz a-goin' to call
+on her the next day with the book.</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, advancin' onto her, "Arvilly Lanfear, did you really git here
+alive and well?"</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez she, "I shouldn't have got here, most likely, if I wuzn't
+alive, and I never wuz so well in my life, in body and in sperits.
+Hain't it glorious here?" sez she.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez I; and, sez I, "Arvilly, did you walk afoot all the way
+here?"</p>
+
+<p>And then she went on and related her experience.</p>
+
+<p>She said that she wuz five weeks on her way, and made money all the way
+over and above her expenses. She walked the most of the way.</p>
+
+<p>She wuz now a-boardin' with a old acquaintance at five dollars a week,
+and she canvassed three days in th<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_332" id="Page_332">[Pg 332]</a></span>e week, and come three days to the
+Fair, and more'n paid her way now.</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "Arvilly, you look better than I ever knew you to look; you look
+ten years younger, and I don't know but 'leven."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "Your face has got a good color, and your eyes are bright." Sez
+I, "You hain't enjoyin' sech poor health as you did sometimes in
+Jonesville, be you?"</p>
+
+<p>Sez she, "I never wuz so well before in my life!"</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "You've somehow got a different look onto you, Arvilly." Sez I,
+"Somehow, you look more meller and happy."</p>
+
+<p>"I be happy!" sez she.</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "I spoze you are still a-sellin' the same old book, the 'Wild,
+Wicked, and Warlike Deeds of Man'?"</p>
+
+<p>She kinder blushed, and, sez she, "No; I have took up a new work."</p>
+
+<p>"What is it?" sez I, for she seemed to kinder hang back from tellin',
+but finally she sez, "It is the 'Peaceful, Prosperous, and Precious
+Performances of Man.'"</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "I'm glad on't. Men should be walked round and painted on
+all sides to do justice to 'em.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_333" id="Page_333">[Pg 333]</a></span></p><p>"'Im real glad that you're a-goin' to canvas on his better side,
+Arvilly."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez she, "men are amiable and noble creeters when you git to
+understand 'em."</p>
+
+<p>The change in her mean and her sentiments almost made my brain reel
+under my slate-colored straw bunnet, and my knees fairly trembled under
+my frame.</p>
+
+<p>And, sez I, "Arvilly, explain to a old and true friend the change that
+has come onto you."</p>
+
+<p>So we withdrew our two selves to a sheltered nook, and there the story
+wuz onfolded to me in perfect confidence, and it <i>must</i> be <i>kep.</i> I will
+tell it in my own words, for she rambles a good deal in her talk, and
+that is, indeed, a fault in female wimmen.</p>
+
+<p>Thank Heaven! I hain't got it.</p>
+
+<p>It seems that when she sot out for the World's Fair with the "Wild,
+Wicked, and Warlike Deeds of Man," she had only a dollar in her pocket,
+but hoards and hoards of pluck and patience.</p>
+
+<p>She canvassed along, a-walkin' afoot&mdash;some days a-makin' nothin' and
+bein' clear discouraged, and anon makin' a little sunthin', and then
+agin makin' first rate for a day or two, as the way of agents is.</p>
+
+<p>Till one day about sundown&mdash;she hadn't seen a house for milds back&mdash;she
+co<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_334" id="Page_334">[Pg 334]</a></span>me to a little house a-standin' back on the edge of a pleasant strip
+of woods. A herd of sleek cows and some horses and some sheep wuz in
+pastures alongside of it, and a little creek of sparklin' water run
+before it, and she went over a rustic bridge, up through a pretty front
+yard, into a little vine-shaded porch, and rapped at the door.</p>
+
+<p>Nobody come; she rapped agin; nobody made a appearance.</p>
+
+<p>But anon she hearn a low groanin' and cryin' inside.</p>
+
+<p>So, bein' at the bottom one of the kindest-hearted creeters in the
+world, but embittered by strugglin' along alone, Arvilly opened the door
+and went in. She went through a little parlor into the back room, and
+wuzn't that a sight that met her eyes?</p>
+
+<p>A good-lookin' man of about Arvilly's age laid there all covered with
+blood and fainted entirely away, and on his breast wuz throwed the form
+of a little lame girl all covered with blood, and a-cryin' and
+a-groanin' as if her heart would break.</p>
+
+<p>She thought her Pa wuz dead.</p>
+
+<p>It seemed that he had cut his head dretfully with a tree branch
+a-fallin' onto it, and had jest made out to git to the house before he
+fainted; and his little girl, havin' neve<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_335" id="Page_335">[Pg 335]</a></span>r seen a faint, thought it wuz
+death; and it <i>is</i> its first cousin.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, here wuz a place for Arvilly's patience, and pluck, and faculty,
+to soar round in.</p>
+
+<p>The first thing, she took up the little lame girl in her arms&mdash;a sweet
+little creeter of five summers&mdash;and sot her in a chair, and comforted
+her by tellin' her that her Pa would be all right in a few minutes.</p>
+
+<p>And she then, (and I don't spoze that she had ever been nigher to a
+good-lookin' man than from three to five feet,) but she had to lift up
+his head and wash the blood from the clusterin' brown hair, with some
+threads of silver in it, and tear her own handkerchief into strips to
+bind up his wounds; and she had some court-plaster with her and other
+neccessaries, and some good intment, and she is handy at everything,
+Arvilly is.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, by the time that a pair of good-lookin' blue eyes opened agin on
+this world, Arvilly had got the pretty little girl all washed and
+comforted, and a piller under his head; and the minute his blue eyes
+opened a spark flew out of 'em right from that piller that kindled up a
+simultanous one in the cool gray orbs of Arvilly.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, although he had his senses, he couldn't move or be moved for a day
+and a half. He didn't want nobody sent for, and Arvilly dassent leave
+'em <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_336" id="Page_336">[Pg 336]</a></span>alone to go; so as a Christian she had to take holt and take care on
+'em.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, Arvilly always wuz, and always will be, I spoze, as good a
+housekeeper and cook as ever wuz made.</p>
+
+<p>So I spoze it wuz a sight to see how quick she got that disordered
+settin'-room to lookin' cozy and home-like, and a good supper on a table
+drawed up to the side of the little lame girl.</p>
+
+<p>And I spoze that it wuz one of the strangest experiences that ever took
+place on this planet, and I d'no as they ever had any stranger ones in
+Mars or Jupiter. Arvilly had to kinder feed the invalid man, Cephus
+Shute by name&mdash;had to kinder kneel down by him and hold the plate and
+teacup, and help him to eat.</p>
+
+<p>And, strange to say, Arvilly wuzn't skairt a mite&mdash;she ruther enjoyed it
+of the two; for before two days wuz over she owned up that if there wuz
+any extra good bits she'd ruther he'd have 'em than to have 'em herself.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus348.png" width="500" height="336"
+alt="And, strange to say, Arvilly wuzn&#39;t skairt a mite&mdash;she ruther enjoyed it."
+title="And, strange to say, Arvilly wuzn&#39;t skairt a mite&mdash;she ruther enjoyed it." />
+<span class="caption">And, strange to say, Arvilly wuzn't skairt a mite--she ruther enjoyed it.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>The world is full of miracles; Sauls breathin' out vengeance are dropped
+down senseless by the power of Heaven.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_337" id="Page_337">[Pg 337]</a></span></p>
+<p>Pilgrim Arvilly's displayin' abroad the "Wild, Wicked, and Warlike Deeds
+of Man" are struck down helpless and mute by the power of Love.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_338" id="Page_338">[Pg 338]</a></span></p>
+<p>In less than three days she had promised to marry Cephus in the Fall.</p>
+
+<p>He had a good little property&mdash;his wife had been dead two years. His
+hired girl&mdash;a shiftless creeter&mdash;had flown the day Arvilly got there,
+and nothin' stood in the way of marriage and happiness.</p>
+
+<p>Arvilly's heart yearned over the little girl that had never walked a
+step, and she loved her Pa, and the Pa loved her.</p>
+
+<p>When she sot off from there a week later&mdash;for she wuz bound to see the
+Fair, and quiltin' had to be done, and clothin' made up before marriage,
+no matter how much Cephus plead for haste&mdash;he had got well enough to
+carry her ten milds to the cars, and she had come the rest of the way by
+rail; and she said, bein' kinder sick of canvassin' for that old book,
+she had tackled this new one, and wuz havin' real good luck with it.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, I wuz tickled enough for Arvilly, and I made up my mind then and
+there to give her a good linen table-cloth and a pair of new woollen
+sheets for a weddin' present, and I subscribed for the "Precious
+Performances" on the spot. I didn't spoze that I should care much about
+readin' "The Peaceful, Prosperous, and Precious Performances of Man"&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_339" id="Page_339">[Pg 339]</a></span></p><p>But I bought it to help her along. I knew that she would have to buy her
+"true so" (that is French, and means weddin' clothes), and I thought
+every little helped; but she said that it wuz "A be-a-u-tiful book, so
+full of man's noble deeds."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "you know that I always told you that you run men too
+much."</p>
+
+<p>"But," sez she, "I never drempt that men wuz such lovely creeters."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, wall," sez I, "as for that, men have their spells of loveliness,
+jest like female mortals, and their spells of actin', like the old
+Harry."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, no," sez she; "they are a beautiful race of bein's, almost
+perfect."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "I hope your opinion will hold out." But I don't spoze it
+will. Six months of married life&mdash;dry days, and wet ones, meals on time,
+and meals late, insufficient kindlin' wood, washin' days, and cleanin'
+house will modify her transports; but I wouldn't put no dampers onto
+her.</p>
+
+<p>I merely sez, "Oh, yes, Arvilly, men are likely creeters more'n half the
+time, and considerable agreeable."</p>
+
+<p>"Agreeable!" sez she; "they're almost divine." Arvilly always wuz most
+too ramptious in everything she undertook; she never loved to wander
+down the sweet, calm plains of Megumness, as I do.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_340" id="Page_340">[Pg 340]</a></span></p><p>And then I spoze Cephus made everything of her, and it wuz a real rarity
+to her to be made on and flattered up by a good-lookin' man.</p>
+
+<p>But well he might make of her&mdash;he will be doin' dretful well to git
+Arvilly; she's a good worker and calculator, and her principles are like
+brass and iron for soundness; and she's real good-lookin', too,
+now&mdash;looks 'leven years younger, or ten and a half, anyway.</p>
+
+<p>But jest as Arvilly and I wuz a-withdrawin' ourselves from each other, I
+sez,</p>
+
+<p>"Arvilly, have you been to the Fair Sundays?"</p>
+
+<p>"No," sez she; "I didn't lay out to, for I could go week days. 'The
+Precious Performances' yields money to spare to take me there week days,
+and you know that I only wanted it open for them that couldn't git there
+any day but Sundays. And also," sez she honestly,</p>
+
+<p>"I talked a good deal, bein' so mad at the Nation for makin' such
+dretful hard work partakin' of a gnat, and then swallerin' down Barnum's
+hull circus, side-shows and all.</p>
+
+<p>"Why didn't the Nation shet up the saloons?" sez she, in bitter axents.
+"Folks can have their doubts about Sunday openin' bein' wicked, but the
+Lord sez expressly that 'no drunkard can inherit Heaven.' The nation wuz
+so anxious to set patterns before the young&mdash;why wuzn't i<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_341" id="Page_341">[Pg 341]</a></span>t afraid to
+turn human bein's into fiends before 'em, liable to shoot down these
+dear young folks, or lead 'em into paths worse than death?</p>
+
+<p>"And it wuz so anxious to show off well before foreign nations. Wuz it
+any prettier sight to reel round before 'em, drunk as a fool,
+a-committin' suicide, and rapinin', and murder, and actin'? I wuz so
+mad," sez Arvilly, "that I felt ugly, and spoze I talked so."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "they've acted dretful queer about Sunday openin', take
+it from first to last.</p>
+
+<p>"But," sez I, reasonably, "takin' such a dretful big thing onto their
+hands to manage would be apt to make folks act queer.</p>
+
+<p>"I spoze," sez I, fallin' a little ways into oritory&mdash;"I spoze that if
+Josiah and me had took a rinosterhorse to board durin' the heated
+term, our actions would often be termed queer by our neighbors. To begin
+with, it's bein' such new business to us, we shouldn't know what to feed
+it, to agree with its immense stomach; we should, I dare presoom to say,
+try experiments with it before we got the hang of its feed, and peek
+through the barn doors dretful curious at it to see how it wuz a-actin',
+and how its food wuz agreein' with it.</p>
+
+<p>"We shouldn't dast to ride it to water, or holler at it, as if it wuz a
+calf; and if it sh<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_342" id="Page_342">[Pg 342]</a></span>ould happen to break loose, Heaven knows what we
+should do with it!</p>
+
+<p>"And I spoze every fence would be full of neighbors a-standin' safe on
+their own solid premises, a-hollerin' out to us what to do, and every
+one on 'em mad as hens if we didn't foller their directions.</p>
+
+<p>"Some on 'em hollerin' to us to mount up on it and ride it back into the
+barn, when they knew that it would tear us to pieces if we went nigh it
+when it wuz mad. And some on 'em orderin' us to git rid of it. And how
+could we dispose of a ragin' rinosterhorse at a minute's notice? And
+some on 'em a-yellin' at us to kill it. How could we kill it, when the
+creeter didn't belong to us?</p>
+
+<p>"And some on 'em, not realizin' that our rinosterhorse boardin' wuz new
+business to us, and we wuz liable to make mistakes, standin' up on the
+ruff of their own barns, safe and sound, a-readin' the Bible to us and
+warnin' us, and we tuggin' away and swettin' with this wild creeter on
+our hands, and tryin' to do the best we could with it.</p>
+
+<p>"And then, right on top of this, Jonesville might serve a injunction
+onto us, that we had no right to let such a dangerous creeter into the
+precincts of Jonesville; and then we, feelin' kinder sorry, mebby, that
+we had ondertook the job, tried to git rid on't; and the rinosterhorse
+owner serves another injunction on us, makin' us keep it, sayin' t<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_343" id="Page_343">[Pg 343]</a></span>hat
+he'd paid its board in advance, and that he wouldn't take it back.</p>
+
+<p>"And there we would be, all wore out with our job, and not pleasin'
+nobody, nor nothin', but makin' the hull caboodle mad as hens at us; and
+we a-not meanin' any hurt, none of the time, a-meanin' well towards
+Jonesville and rinosterhorses. Wouldn't we be in a situation to be
+pitied, Arvilly?"</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez she, "it is jest so as I tell you; Cephus sez that he won't
+wait a minute longer than September."</p>
+
+<p>I see how it wuz&mdash;she hadn't hearn a word of my remarkable eloquence.
+Like all the rest, she had vivid idees about Sunday closin'; but come to
+the p'int, her own affairs wuz of the most consequence. She forgot all
+about the struggles of the Directors in their efforts to do what wuz
+right and best, in thoughts of Cephus.</p>
+
+<p>But I considered it human nater, and forgive her. Wall, after Arvilly
+left me, I returned agin to the sights in the noble Liberal Arts
+Department, and see everything else that wuz riz up and helpful; and
+finding out everything about the land and sea, the Heavens, and depths
+below the earth and seas.</p>
+
+<p>And oh, what queer, queer feelin's that sight gin me; they hain't to be
+described upon, and I hain't a-goin' to try to; it would be too<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_344" id="Page_344">[Pg 344]</a></span>
+much&mdash;too much for the public to hear about it, and for me to record
+'em; though there wuz plenty of weights, measures, and balances, if I
+had tried to tackle the job of weighin' 'em.</p>
+
+<p>Now, what I have said of the liberal part, and especially of the
+trainin' of the young, you can see plain that it wuz as much more
+interestin' than the manafactures part as the soul is superior to the
+body, or eternity is longer than time.</p>
+
+<p>So, the world bein' such a sort of a curious place, it didn't surprise
+me a mite to see that this department, that wuz the most important in
+the hull Columbian World's Fair, wuz dretful cramped for room, and
+kinder put away upstairs.</p>
+
+<p>For, as I sez to myself, the old world has such dretful curious kinks in
+it, it didn't surprise me a mite to have this department sort o'
+squeezed into the end o' one buildin', and upstairs kinder, while the
+display for horned cattle covered over sixty acres.</p>
+
+<p>A good many farmers are as careful agin of their blooded stock as they
+are of the welfare of their wives and children.</p>
+
+<p>They will put work and hardship on the mother of their children that
+they wouldn't think of darin' to venture with their cows with a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_345" id="Page_345">[Pg 345]</a></span>
+pedigree, for they would say, such overwork will injure the calf.</p>
+
+<p>How is it with their own children, when the delicate mother does all the
+household drudgery of a farm, and milks seven or eight cows night and
+mornin'?</p>
+
+<p>Toilin' till late bedtime, gettin' up before half rested, and takin' up
+agin the hard toil till the little feeble child-life is born into the
+world.</p>
+
+<p>How is it with the mother and the child?</p>
+
+<p>For answer, I refer you to countless newspaper files, under the headin'
+of "mysterious dispensations of Providence," and to old solitary
+churchyards, and to the insane statisticks of the country.</p>
+
+<p>The bereaved husband, a-blamin' Providence, but takin' some comfort in
+the thought that "the Lord loveth whom He chasteneth," walks out under
+his mournin' weed, and pats the sleek sides of his Alderney cow, and its
+fat, healthy young one, and ponders on how he could improve their
+condition, and better the stock, and mebby has passin' thoughts on some
+bloomin' young girl, who he could persuade to try the fate of the first.</p>
+
+<p>And he'll have no trouble in doin' so&mdash;not at all; putty is hard in
+comparison to wimmin's heads and hearts, sometimes.</p>
+
+<p>But I am, indeed, eppisodin', and to resoom, and proceed.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_346" id="Page_346">[Pg 346]</a></span></p>
+<p>In this world, where the material, the practical, so oft overshadows
+the spiritual, it didn't surprise me a mite to have this noble&mdash;noble
+liberal art display crowded back by less riz up and exalted ones.</p>
+
+<p>And oh, what curious things we did see in this Hall of Wonders&mdash;curious
+as a dog, and curiouser.</p>
+
+<p>The New South Wales exhibit in the west gallery is awful big, and
+divided into five courts, and all full of Beauty and Use.</p>
+
+<p>These Australians are pert and kinder sassy; they look on our country as
+old, and wore out&mdash;some as we look at our Ma Country.</p>
+
+<p>But their exhibit is a wonderful one&mdash;exhibit of their mines, that they
+say are a-goin' to be the richest in the World.</p>
+
+<p>And lots of pictures showin' their strange, melancholy Australian
+scenery.</p>
+
+<p>And their big trees. Why, one of these trees, they say, is the biggest
+yet discovered in the World; it is 400 and 80 feet high.</p>
+
+<p>And it wuz here that I see the very queerest thing that I ever did see
+in my life; it wuz in their collection of strange stuffed birds, and
+animals which wuz large, and complete, and rangin' from the Emu down to
+a pure white hummin'-bird.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_347" id="Page_347">[Pg 347]</a></span></p><p>It wuz here that I see this Thing that Scientists hain't never
+classified; it is about the size of a beaver&mdash;has fur like a seal, eyes
+like a fish, is web-footed, lays eggs, and hatches its young and lives
+in the water.</p>
+
+<p>It is called a Platypus&mdash;there wuz four on 'em.</p>
+
+<p>Queer creeter as I ever see. No wonder that Scientists furled their
+spectacles in front of it, and sot down discouraged.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, we hung round there till most night, and Josiah and I went home as
+tired as two dogs, and tireder. And we both gin in that we hadn't seen
+nothin' to what we might have seen there; as you may say, we hadn't done
+any more justice to the contents of that buildin' than we would if we
+had undertook to count the slate-stuns in our old creek back of our
+house clear from Jonesville to Zoar&mdash;- more'n five miles of clear
+slate-stun. What could we do to it in one day?</p>
+
+<p>But fatigue and hunger&mdash;on Josiah's part, a prancin' team&mdash;bore us away,
+and we went home in pretty good sperits after all, though some late.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Plank had a good supper. We wuz late, but she had kept it warm for
+us&mdash;some briled chicken, and some green peas, and a light nice puddin',<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_348" id="Page_348">[Pg 348]</a></span>
+and other things accordin'; and Josiah <i>did</i> indeed do justice to it.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIII" id="CHAPTER_XIII"></a>CHAPTER XIII.</h2>
+
+
+<p>Wall, the next day after our visit to the Manafactures and Liberal Arts
+Buildin', I told Josiah to-day I wouldn't put it off a minute longer, I
+wuz goin' to see the Convent of La Rabida; and sez I, "I feel mortified
+and ashamed to think I hain't been before." Sez I, "What would
+Christopher Columbus say to think I had slighted him all this time if he
+knew on't!"</p>
+
+<p>And Josiah said "he guessed I wouldn't git into any trouble with
+Columbus about it, after he'd been dead four hundred years."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "I don't spoze I would, but I d'no but folkses feelin's
+can be hurt if their bodies have moved away from earth. I d'no anything
+about it, nor you don't, Josiah Allen."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," he said, "he wouldn't be afraid to venter it."</p>
+
+<p>He wanted to go to the Live-Stock Exhibit that day&mdash;wanted to like a
+dog.</p>
+
+<p>But I persuaded him off the notion, and I don't know but I jest as soon
+tell how I done it.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_349" id="Page_349">[Pg 349]</a></span></p>
+<p>I see Columbus's feelin's wouldn't do, and so forth, nor sentiment, nor
+spirituality, don't appeal to Josiah Allen nothin' as vittles do.</p>
+
+<p>So I told him, what wuz indeed the truth, that a restaurant was nigh
+there where delicious food could be obtained at very low prices.</p>
+
+<p>He yielded instantly, and sez he, "It hain't hardly fair, when
+Christopher is the cause of all these doin's, that he should be slighted
+so by us."</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, "No, indeed!" so we went directly there by the nearest way,
+which wuz partly by land and partly by water; and as our boat sailed on
+through the waves under the brilliant sunshine and the grandeur of
+eighteen ninety-three, did it not make me think of Him, weary,
+despairin', misunderstood, with his soul all hemmed in by envious and
+malicious foes, so that there wuz but one open path for him to soar in,
+and that wuz upward, as his boat crept and felt its way along through
+the night, and storm, and oncertainty of 1492.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, anon or about that time, we drew near the place where I wanted to
+be.</p>
+
+<p>The Convent of La Rabida is a little to the east of Agricultural Hall, a
+sort of a inlet lake that feeds a long portion of the grand canal.</p>
+
+<p>A promontory is formed by the meetin' of the two waters, and all round
+this point<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_350" id="Page_350">[Pg 350]</a></span> of land, risin' to a height of twenty-two feet, is a rough
+stun wall.</p>
+
+<p>This wall is a reproduction of the dangerous coast of Spain, and back on
+this rise of ground can be seen the Convent of La Rabida, a fac-simile,
+or, as you might say, a similer fact, a exact reproduction of the
+convent where Columbus planned out his voyage to the new world.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, within these walls wuz born the great and darin' scheme of
+Columbus&mdash;a great birth indeed; only next to us in eternal consequences
+to the birth in the manger.</p>
+
+<p>It stands jest as it ort to, a-facin' the risin' sun.</p>
+
+<p>A low, eight-sided cupalo surmounts the choir space inside the chapel,
+and above the nave rises the balcony.</p>
+
+<p>On three sides of a broad, open court are the lonesome cloisters in
+which the Monks knelt in their ceaseless prayers.</p>
+
+<p>The chapel floor is a little higher than the court and cloisters, and is
+paved with bricks.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz at this very convent door that Columbus arrived heart-sore and
+weary after seven years' fruitless labor in the cause he held so clost
+to his heart.</p>
+
+<p>Seven long years that he had spent beggin' and importunin' for help to
+carry out his Heaven-sent visions.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_351" id="Page_351">[Pg 351]</a></span></p><p>A livin' light shinin' in his sad eyes, and he couldn't git anybody else
+to see it.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_352" id="Page_352">[Pg 352]</a></span></p><p>The constant washin' of new seas on new shores, and he couldn't git
+anybody to hear 'em.</p>
+
+<p>A constant glow, prophetic and ardent, longin' to carry the religion of
+Christ into a new land that he knew wuz a-waitin' him, but everybody
+else deaf and dumb to his heart-sick longin's.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, I thought to myself as I stood there, if that poor creeter could
+only had a few of the gorgeous banners that wuz waved out to the air,
+enough to clothe an army; if he could have only had enough of 'em to
+made him a hull shirt; if he could have had enough of the banquets
+spread to his memory, enough to feed all the armies of the earth; if he
+could have a slice of bread and a good cup of tea out of 'em, how glad I
+would be, and how glad he would have been!</p>
+
+<p>But it wuzn't to be, it wuzn't to be.</p>
+
+<p>Hungry and in rags, almost naked, foot-sore, heart-sore, he arrived at
+the convent gate, to ask food and shelter for himself and child.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 349px;">
+<img src="images/illus362.png" width="349" height="500"
+alt="Almost naked, foot-sore, heart-sore, he arrived at the convent gate."
+title="Almost naked, foot-sore, heart-sore, he arrived at the convent gate." />
+<span class="caption">Almost naked, foot-sore, heart-sore, he arrived at the convent gate.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>It wuz here that he found an asylum for a few years, carryin' on his
+plans, makin' out new arguments, stronger, mebby, than he had argued
+with for seven stiddy years, and I should a thought them old arguments
+must have been wore out.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_353" id="Page_353">[Pg 353]</a></span></p><p>It wuz in one of the rooms of the convent that he met the Monks in
+debate, and also argued back and forth with Garcia Fernandez and Alonzo
+Penzen, gettin' the better of Alonzo every time, but makin' it up to him
+afterwards by lettin' him command one of the vessels of his fleet. It
+wuz from here the superior of the convent, won over by Columbuses
+eloquence, went for audience with the Queen, and from it Columbus wuz
+summoned to appear at court.</p>
+
+<p>In this very convent he made his preparations for his voyage, and on the
+mornin' he sailed from Palos he worshipped God in this little chapel.
+What visions riz up before his eyes as he knelt on the brick floor of
+that little chapel, jest ready to leave the certainty and sail out into
+the oncertainty, leavin' the oncertainty and goin' out into the
+certainty!</p>
+
+<p>A curious prayer that must have been, and a riz up one.</p>
+
+<p>In that prayer, in the confidence and aspiration of that one man, lay
+the hull new world. The hope, the freedom, the liberty, the
+enlightenment of a globe, jest riz up on the breath of that one prayer.</p>
+
+<p>A momentious prayer as wuz ever riz up on earth.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_354" id="Page_354">[Pg 354]</a></span></p><p>But the stun walls didn't give no heed to it, and I dare say that Alonzo
+and the rest wuz sick a-waitin' for him, and wanted to cut it short.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, Columbus must have had emotions in this convent as hefty and as
+soarin' as they make, and truly they must have been immense to gone
+ahead of mine, as I stood there and thought on him, what he had done and
+what he had suffered.</p>
+
+<p>Why, I had more'n a hundred and twenty-five or thirty a minute right
+along, and I don't know but more.</p>
+
+<p>When I see them relics of that noble creeter, paper that he had had his
+own hand on, that his own eyes had looked at, his own brain had
+dictated, every one of 'em full of the ardentcy and earnestness of his
+religion&mdash;why, they increased the number and frequency of my emotions to
+a almost alarmin' extent.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 372px;">
+<img src="images/illus365.png" width="372" height="500"
+alt="Manuscripts" title="Manuscripts" />
+<span class="caption">Manuscripts</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Here are twenty-nine manuscripts all in his own hand.</p>
+
+<p>They are truly worth more than their weight in gold&mdash;they are worth
+their weight in diamonds.</p>
+
+<p>Amongst the most priceless manuscripts and documents is the original of
+the contract made with the Soverigns of Spain before his first voyage,
+under which Columbus made his first voyage to America.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_355" id="Page_355">[Pg 355]</a></span></p><p>The most remarkable contract that wuz ever drawn, in which the Soverigns
+of Spain guaranteed to Columbus and his heirs forever one eighth of all
+that might be produced of any character whatever in any land he might
+discover, and appinted him and his descendants perpetual rulers over
+such lands, with the title of Viceroy.</p>
+
+<p>I looked at the contract, and then thought of how Columbus died in
+poverty and disgrace, and now, four hundred years after his death, the
+world a-spendin' twenty million to honor his memory.</p>
+
+<p>A sense of the folly and the strangeness of all things come over me like
+a flood, and I bent my head in shame to think I belonged to a race of
+bein's so ongrateful, and so lyin', and everything else.</p>
+
+<p>I thought of that humble grave where a broken heart hid itself four
+hundred years ago, and then I looked out towards that matchless White
+City of gorgeous palaces riz up to his honor four hundred years too
+late; and a sense of the futility of all things, the pity of it, the
+vanity of all things here below, swept over me, and instinctively I lay
+holt of my pardner's arm, and thought for a minute I must leave the
+buildin'; but I thought better on't, and he thought I laid holt of his
+arm as a mark of affection. And I didn't ondeceive him in it.</p>
+
+<p>Then there is Columbuses commission as Admiral of the Ocean Seas.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_356" id="Page_356">[Pg 356]</a></span></p>
+<p>His correspondence with Ferdinand and Isabella before and after his
+discovery, and a host of other invaluable papers loaned by the Spanish
+Goverment and the living descendants of Columbus in Spain. And there is
+pieces of the house his father-in-law built for him&mdash;a cane made from
+one of the jistes, and the shutters of one of the windows. Columbuses
+own hand may have opened them shutters! O my heart! think on't.</p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz the original copy of the first books relatin' to
+America, over one hundred of 'em, obtained from the Vatican at Rome, and
+museums, and libraries, in London, and Paris, and Madrid, and
+Washington, D.C. They are writ by Lords, and Cardinals, and Bishops, way
+back as fur as fourteen hundred and ninety-three.</p>
+
+<p>Then there wuz quaint maps and charts of the newly discovered country,
+lookin' some as our first maps would of Mars, if the United States had
+made up its mind to annex that planet, and Uncle Sam had jest begun to
+lay it out into countries.</p>
+
+<p>Then there are the portraits of Columbus. Good creeter! it seemed a pity
+to see so many of 'em&mdash;his enemies might keep right on abusin' him, and
+say that he wuz double-faced, or sixty or eighty faced, when I know, and
+they all ort to know, that he wuz straightforward and stiddy as t<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_357" id="Page_357">[Pg 357]</a></span>he sun.
+Poor creeter! it wuz too bad that there should be so many of 'em.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_358" id="Page_358">[Pg 358]</a></span></p>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 367px;">
+<img src="images/illus368.png" width="367" height="500"
+alt="Poor creeter! it wuz too bad that there should be so many of &#39;em."
+title="Poor creeter! it wuz too bad that there should be so many of &#39;em." />
+<span class="caption">Poor creeter! it wuz too bad that there should be so many of 'em.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Then there are models and photographs of statutes and monuments of him,
+and the very stun and clay that them tall monuments is made of, mebby
+they are the very stuns that hurt his bare feet, and the clay the very
+same his tears had fell on, as he'd throw himself down heart-weary on
+his lonesome pilgrimages. I dare presoom to say that he would lay his
+head down under some wayside tree and cry&mdash;I hain't a doubt on't.</p>
+
+<p>When I thought it over, how much had been said about Columbus even
+durin' the last year in Jonesville and Chicago, to say nothin' about the
+rest of the world, it wuz a treat indeed to see the first printed
+allusion that wuz ever made to Columbus, about three months after
+Columbus arrived in Portugal, March fifteenth, fourteen hundred and
+ninety-three. It was writ by Mr. Carvugal, Spanish Cardinal.</p>
+
+<p>In it Mr. Carvugal says&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"And Christ placed under their rule (Ferdinand and Isabella) the
+Fortunate Islands."</p>
+
+<p>I sez to Josiah, "I guess if Mr. Carvugal was sot down here to-day, and
+see what he would see here, he would be apt to think indeed they wuz
+Fortunate Islands."</p>
+
+<p>But as I said that I heard a voice a-sayin'&mdash;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_359" id="Page_359">[Pg 359]</a></span></p>
+<p>"Who is Mr. Carvugal, Samantha?"</p>
+
+<p>I recognized the voice, and I sez, "Why, Irena Flanders, is it you? I
+have been to see you; I hearn you wuz sick."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez she, "I wuz beat out, and I thought I couldn't stand it; but
+I feel better to-day, so we have been to the Forestry Buildin', and
+thought we would come in here."</p>
+
+<p>But I see that she didn't feel as I did about the immortal relics, but
+she kinder pretended to, as folks will; and Elam and Josiah went to
+talkin' about hayin', and wondered how the crops wuz a-gittin' along in
+Jonesville. But I kep on a-lookin' round and listenin' to Irena's
+remarks about her symptoms with one half of my mind, or about half, and
+examinin' the relics with the other half.</p>
+
+<p>There wuz a little Latin book with queer wood-cuts, "Concernin' Islands
+lately discovered," published in Switzerland in 1494; under the title it
+begun&mdash;"Christopher Colum&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>It made me mad to hear that good, noble creeter's name cut off and
+demeaned, and I told Irena so.</p>
+
+<p>And she sez, "That's what little Benjy calls our old white duck; his
+name is Columbus, but he calls it Colum."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_360" id="Page_360">[Pg 360]</a></span></p><p>She is a great duck-raiser; but I didn't thank her for alludin' to
+barn-yard fowls in such a time as this.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, there wuz the first life of Columbus ever writ, by his son
+Farnendo.</p>
+
+<p>And a book relatin' to the namin' of America. I thought it would been a
+good plan if there had been a few more about that, and had named it
+Columbia&mdash;jest what it ort to be, and not let another man take the honor
+that should have been Christopher's.</p>
+
+<p>But I meditated on what a queer place this old world wuz, and how
+nateral for one man to toil and work, and another step in and take the
+pay for it; so it didn't surprise me a mite, but it madded me some.</p>
+
+<p>Then there wuz the histories of the different cities where he wuz born,
+and the different places where his bones repose.</p>
+
+<p>Poor creeter! they fit then because they didn't want his bones, and they
+starved him so that he wuzn't much besides bones, and they didn't want
+his bones anyway, and they put chains onto them poor old bones, and led
+'em off to prison.</p>
+
+<p>And now hull cities and countries would hold it their chief honor to lie
+about it, and claim the credit of givin' 'em burial. O dear suz! O dear
+me!</p>
+
+<p>Wall, there wuz one of the anchors, and the canvas used by Columbus on
+board his flag-ship.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_361" id="Page_361">[Pg 361]</a></span></p>
+<p>The very canvas that the wind swelled out and wafted the great
+Discoverer. O my heart, think on't!</p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz the ruins of the little town of Isabella, the first
+established in the new world, brung lately from San Domingo by a
+man-of-war.</p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz the first church bell that ever rung in America,
+presented to the town of Isabella by King Ferdinand.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, if I could have swung out with that old bell, and my senses could
+have took in the sights and seens the sound had echoed over! What a
+sight&mdash;what a sight it would have been!</p>
+
+<p>Ringin' out barbarism and ringin' in the newer religion; ringin' out, as
+time went on, old simple ways, and idees&mdash;mebby bringin' in barbarous
+ways; swingin' back and forth, to and fro; ringin' in now, I hope and
+pray, the era of love and justice, goodwill to man and woman.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, I wuz almost lost in my thoughts in hangin' over that old bell. It
+had took me back into the dim old green forest isles and onbroken
+wilderness, when I heard a bystander a-sayin' to another one&mdash;"There is
+Columbuses relations; there is the Duke of Veragua."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_362" id="Page_362">[Pg 362]</a></span></p><p>And on lookin' up, I indeed see Columbuses own relation on his own side,
+with his wife and daughter.</p>
+
+<p>The relation on Columbuses side wuz a middlin' good-lookin' and a
+good-natered lookin' man, no taller than Josiah, with blue eyes, gray
+hair, and short whiskers.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus374.png" width="500" height="361"
+alt="Columbuses own relation on his own side, with his wife and daughter."
+title="Columbuses own relation on his own side, with his wife and daughter." />
+<span class="caption">Columbuses own relation on his own side, with his wife and daughter.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>His wife wuz a good-lookin', plump woman, some younger apparently than
+he wuz, and the daughter wuz pretty and fresh-lookin' as a pink rose.</p>
+
+<p>I liked their looks first rate.</p>
+
+<p>And jest the minute my eyes fell on 'em, so quick my intellect moves, I
+knew what was incumbent on me to do.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz my place, it would be expected of me&mdash;I must welcome them to
+America; I must, in the name of my own dignity, and the power of the
+Nation, gin 'em the freedom of Jonesville. I must not slight them for
+their own sakes, and their noble ancestors.</p>
+
+<p>One human weakness might be discovered in me by a clost observer in that
+rapt hour: I didn't really know how to address the wife of the Duke.</p>
+
+<p>And I whispered to Irena Flanders, and, sez I, "If a man is a duke, what
+would his wife be called?" Sez I, "She'd feel hurt if I slighted her."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_363" id="Page_363">[Pg 363]</a></span></p><p>And sez she, "If one is a duke, the other would naterally be called a
+drake."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_364" id="Page_364">[Pg 364]</a></span></p><p>I knew better than that&mdash;she hain't any too smart by nater, and her mind
+runs to fowls, what there is of it.</p>
+
+<p>But my Josiah heard the inquiry, and sez he&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I should call her a duck;" and he continued, with his eyes riveted on
+the beautiful face of the Duke's daughter&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"That pretty girl is a duck, and no mistake."</p>
+
+<p>But I sez, "Hush; that would be too familiar and also too rural."</p>
+
+<p>I hain't ashamed of the country&mdash;no, indeed, I am proud on't; still I
+knew that it wuz, specially in June, noted for its tender greenness.</p>
+
+<p>And sez I, "I'll trust to the hour to inspire me; I'll sail out as his
+great ancestor did, and trust to Providence to help me out."</p>
+
+<p>So I advanced onto 'em, and I thought, as I went, if you call a man by
+the hull of his name he hadn't ort to complain; so I sez with a deep
+curchey&mdash;I knew a plain curchey wouldn't do justice to the occasion.</p>
+
+<p>So I gracefully took hold of my alpaca skirt with both hands and held it
+out slightly, and curchied from ten to fourteen inches, I should judge.</p>
+
+<p>I wanted it deep enough to show the profound esteem and honor in which I
+held him, and not deep enough so's to give him the false idee that I wuz
+a professional dancer, or opera singer, or anything of that sort.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_365" id="Page_365">[Pg 365]</a></span></p>
+<p>I judged that my curchey wuz jest about right.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_366" id="Page_366">[Pg 366]</a></span></p><div class="figcenter" style="width: 413px;">
+<img src="images/illus376.png" width="413" height="500"
+alt="&quot;I salute you in the name of Jonesville and America.&quot;"
+title="&quot;I salute you in the name of Jonesville and America.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"I salute you in the name of Jonesville and America."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Imegatly after my curchey I sez, "Don Christobel Colon De Toledo De La
+Cerda Y Gante," and then I paused for breath, while the world waited&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I welcome you to this country&mdash;I salute you in the name of Jonesville
+and America."</p>
+
+<p>And then agin I made that noble, beautiful curchey.</p>
+
+<p>He bowed so low that if a basin of water had been sot on his back it
+would have run down over his head.</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "The man in whose veins flows a drop of the precious blood of the
+Hero who discovered us is near and dear to the heart of the new world."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "I feel that we can't do too much to honor you, and I hereby
+offer you the freedom of Jonesville."</p>
+
+<p>And sez I, "I would have brung it in a paper collar box if I'd thought
+on't, but I hope you will overlook the omission, and take it verbal."</p>
+
+<p>Agin he bowed that dretful perlite, courteous bow, and agin I put in
+that noble curchey.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz a hour long to be remembered by any one who wuz fortunate enough
+to witness it; and sez he&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_367" id="Page_367">[Pg 367]</a></span></p><p>"I am sensible of the distinguished honor you do me, Madam; accept my
+profound thanks."</p>
+
+<p>I then turned to his wife, and sez I, "Miss Christobel Colon Toledo
+Ohio&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>I got kinder mixed up here by my emotions, and the efforts my curcheys
+had cost me; I hadn't ort to mentioned the word Ohio.</p>
+
+<p>But I waded out agin&mdash;"De La Cerda Y Gante&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"As a pardner of Columbus, and also as a female woman, I bid you also
+welcome to America in the name of woman, and I tender to you also the
+freedom of Jonesville, and Loontown, and Zoar.</p>
+
+<p>"And you," sez I, "Honorable Maria Del Pillow Colon Y Aguilera&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"You sweet little creeter you, I'd love to have you come and stay with
+me a week right along, you pretty thing." Sez I, "How proud your Grandpa
+would be of you if he wuz here!"</p>
+
+<p>My feelin's had carried me away, and I felt that I had lost the formal,
+polite tone of etiquette that I had intended to carry on through the
+interview.</p>
+
+<p>But she wuz so awful pretty, I couldn't help it; but I felt that it wuz
+best to terminate it, so I bowed low, a-holdin' out my alpaca skirt
+kinder noble in one hand and my green veil in the other, some like a
+banner, and backed off.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_368" id="Page_368">[Pg 368]</a></span></p><p>They too bowed deep, and sorter backed off too. Oh, what a hour for
+America!</p>
+
+<p>Josiah put out his arm anxiously, for I wuz indeed a-movin' backwards
+into a glass case of relics, and the great seen terminated.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Flanders and Elam had gone&mdash;they shrunk from publicity. I guess
+they wuz afraid it wuz too great a job, the ceremony attendin' our
+givin' these noble foreigners the freedom of our native town.</p>
+
+<p>But they no need to. A willin' mind makes a light job.</p>
+
+<p>It had been gin to 'em, and gin well, too.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, Josiah and I didn't stay very much longer. I'd have been glad to
+seen the Princess sent out from Spain to our doin's, and I know she will
+feel it, not seein' of me.</p>
+
+<p>She wuzn't there, but I thought of her as I wended my way out, as I
+looked over the grandeur of the seen that her female ancestor had
+rendered possible.</p>
+
+<p>Thinkses I, she must have different feelin's from what her folks did in
+fourteen hundred.</p>
+
+<p>Then how loath they wuz to even listen to Columbuses pathetic appeals
+and prayers! But they did at last touch the heart of a woman. That woman
+believed him, while the rest of Spain sneered at him. Had she lived,
+Columbus wouldn't have been sent to prison in chains. No,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_369" id="Page_369">[Pg 369]</a></span> indeed! But
+she passed away, and Spain misused him. But now they send their
+royalties to meet with all the kings and queens of the earth to bow down
+to his memory.</p>
+
+<p>As we wended out, the caravels lay there in the calm water&mdash;the Santa
+Maria, the Pinta, and the Nina, all becalmed in front of the convent.</p>
+
+<p>No more rough seas in front of 'em; they furl their sails in the
+sunlight of success.</p>
+
+<p>All is glory, all is rejoicing, all is praise.</p>
+
+<p>Four hundred years after the brave soul that planned and accomplished it
+all died heart-broken and in chains, despised and rejected by men,
+persecuted by his enemies, betrayed by his friends.</p>
+
+<p>True, brave heart, I wonder if the God he trusted in, and tried to
+honor, lets him come back on some fair mornin' or cloudless moonlight
+evenin', and look down and see what the nations are sayin' and doin' for
+him in eighteen hundred and ninety-three!</p>
+
+<p>I don't know, nor Josiah don't.</p>
+
+<p>But as I stood a-thinkin' of this, the sun come out from under a cloud
+and lit up the caravels with its golden light, and lay on the water like
+a long, shinin' path leadin' into glory.</p>
+
+<p>And a light breeze stirred the white sails of the Santa Maria, some as
+though it wuz a-goin' to set sail agin.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_370" id="Page_370">[Pg 370]</a></span></p>
+<p>And the shadders almost seemed alive that lay on the narrer deck.</p>
+
+<p>After we left La Rabida, Josiah wanted to go and see the exhibit called
+Man and his Works.</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, "I'll show you now, Samantha, what <i>our</i> works are. I'll show
+you the most beautiful and august exposition on the grounds."</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, "You boasted high about wimmen's doin's, and they wuz fair," sez
+he, "what I call fair to middlin'. But in this you'll see grandeur and
+True Greatness."</p>
+
+<p>Josiah didn't know a thing about the show, only what he gathered from
+its name; and feelin' as he did about himself and his sect, he naterally
+expected wonders.</p>
+
+<p>So, leanin' on the arm of Justice, I accompanied him into the buildin',
+which wuzn't fur from La Rabida.</p>
+
+<p>But almost the first room we went into, Josiah almost swooned at the
+sight, and I clung to his arm instinctively. There we wuz amongst more
+than three thousand skeletons and skulls.</p>
+
+<p>Why, the goose pimples that rose on me didn't subside till most night.</p>
+
+<p>And in the very next room wuz a collection of mummies, the humbliest
+ones that I ever sot my eyes on in my hull life&mdash;two or three hundre<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_371" id="Page_371">[Pg 371]</a></span>d on
+'em, from Peru, Utah, New Mexico, Egypt, British Columbia, etc., etc.</p>
+
+<p>When Josiah's eyes fell onto 'em, my poor pardner sez, "Samantha, less
+be a-goin'."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "Are you satisfied, Josiah Allen, with the Works of Man?"</p>
+
+<p>And he advised me strong&mdash;"Not to make a luny and a idiot of myself."</p>
+
+<p>And sez he, "Dum it all, why do they call it the works of man? There is
+as many wimmen amongst them dum skeletons as men, I'll bet a cent."</p>
+
+<p>Wall, we went into another room and found a very interestin'
+exhibit&mdash;the measurements of heads: long-headed folks and short-headed
+ones; and measurements of children's heads who wuz educated, and the
+heads of savage children, showin' the influence that moral trainin' has
+on the brains of boys and girls.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, it would take weeks to examine all we see there&mdash;the remains of
+the Aborigines, the Greeks, the Romans, the Egyptians. We could see by
+them relics how they lived&mdash;their religions, their domestic life, their
+arts, and their industries.</p>
+
+<p>And then we see photographs by the hullsale of mounds and ruins from all
+over the world.</p>
+
+<p>Why, we see so many pictures of ruins, that Josiah said that "he felt
+almost ruined."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_372" id="Page_372">[Pg 372]</a></span></p><p>And I sez, "That must come from the inside, Josiah. It hadn't ort to
+make you feel so."</p>
+
+<p>And then we see all sorts of things to illustrate the games that these
+old ruined folks used to play, and their religions they believed
+in&mdash;idols, and clay altars, and things; and once, when I wuz a-tryin' to
+look calm at the very meanest-lookin' idol that I ever laid eyes on,</p>
+
+<p>Sez Josiah, "The folks that would try to worship such a lookin' thing as
+that ort to be ruined."</p>
+
+<p>And I whispered back, "If the secret things that folks worship to-day
+could be materialized, they would look enough sight worse than this."
+Sez I, "How would the mammon of Greed look carved in stun, or the beast
+of Intemperance?"</p>
+
+<p>"Oh!" sez he, "bring in your dum temperance talk everywhere, will you? I
+should think we wuz in a bad enough place here to let your ears rest,
+anyway."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "then don't run down folks that couldn't answer back for
+ten thousand years."</p>
+
+<p>But truly we wuz in a bad place, if humbliness is bad, for them idols
+did beat all, and then there wuz a almost endless display of amulets,
+charms, totems, and other things that they used to carry on their
+religious meetin's with, or what they called religion.</p>
+
+<p>And then we see some strange clay altars containin' cremated human
+bein's.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_373" id="Page_373">[Pg 373]</a></span></p>
+<p>Here Josiah hunched me agin&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"You feel dretful cut up if you hear any one speak aginst these old
+creeters, but what do you think of that?" sez he, a-pintin' to the burnt
+bodies. Sez he, "Most likely them bodies wuz victims that wuz killed on
+their dum altars&mdash;dum 'em!"</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez I, "but we of the nineteenth century slay two hundred
+thousand victims every year on the altar of Mammon, and Intemperance."</p>
+
+<p>"Keep it up, will you&mdash;keep a preachin'!" sez he, and his tone wuz
+bitter and voyalent in the extreme.</p>
+
+<p>And here he turned his back on me and went to examine some of the
+various games of all countries, such as cards, dice, dominoes, checkers,
+etc., etc.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 380px;">
+<img src="images/illus385.png" width="380" height="500"
+alt="Josiah turned his back on me."
+title="Josiah turned his back on me." />
+<span class="caption">Josiah turned his back on me.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Which shows that in that savage age, as well as in our too civilized
+one, amusements wuz a part of their daily life.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, it wuz all dretful interestin' to me, though Skairfulness wuz
+present with us, and goose pimples wuz abroad.</p>
+
+<p>And out-doors the exhibit wuz jest as fascinatin'.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_374" id="Page_374">[Pg 374]</a></span></p>
+<p>Along the shores of the pond are grouped tribes of Indians from North
+America. They live in their primitive huts and tents, and there we see
+their rude boats and canoes. New York contributes a council house and a
+bark lodge once used by the once powerful Iroquois confederation.</p>
+
+<p>And, poor things! where be they now? Passed away. Their canoes have gone
+down the stream of Time, and gone down the Falls out of sight.</p>
+
+<p>But to resoom.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, seein' they wuz right there, we went to see the ruins of
+Yucatan&mdash;they wuz only a few steps away.</p>
+
+<p>Now, I never had paid any attention to Yucatan. I had always seen it on
+the map of Mexico, a little strip of land a-runnin' out into the water,
+and washed by the waves on both sides. But, good land! I would have paid
+more attention to it if I had known that down deep under its forests,
+where they had lain for more than a thousand years, wuz the ruins of a
+vast city, with its castles and monuments wrought in marble, and
+fashioned with highest beauty and art.</p>
+
+<p>Whose hands had wrought them marble columns, and carved facades?</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_375" id="Page_375">[Pg 375]</a></span></p><p>The silence of a thousand years lays between my question and its true
+answer.</p>
+
+<p>I can't tell who they wuz, where they come from, or where they went to.</p>
+
+<p>But the pieces of soulless stun remain for us to marvel over, when the
+livin' hands that wrought these have vanished forever.</p>
+
+<p>Curious, very.</p>
+
+<p>But mebby some magnetizm still hangs about them hoary old walls that has
+the power to draw their founders from their new home, wherever it is
+now.</p>
+
+<p>Mebby them old Yucatanners come down in a shadder sloop and lay off over
+aginst them ruins, and enjoy themselves first-rate.</p>
+
+<p>Here too is the city of the Cliff Dwellers&mdash;the most wonderful city I
+ever see or ever expect to see. There towers up a mountain made to look
+exactly like Battle Mountain, where these ruins are found&mdash;the homes and
+abidin' place of a race so much older than the Mexican and Peru old ones
+that they seem like folks of last week&mdash;almost like babies.</p>
+
+<p>The hull of these buildin's which is called Cliff Palace is over two
+hundred feet long, and the rooms look pretty much all alike. They wuz
+round rooms mostly, with a hole in the floor for a fireplace, and stun
+seats a-runnin' clear round the room, and I'd a gin a dollar bill if I
+c<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_376" id="Page_376">[Pg 376]</a></span>ould a seen a-settin' in them seats the ones that used to set there&mdash;if
+I could seen 'em sot down there in Jackson Park, and its marvels, and I
+could have hearn 'em tell what Old World wonders they had seen, and what
+they had felt and suffered&mdash;the beliefs of that old time; the laws that
+governed 'em, or that didn't govern 'em; their friends and their
+enemies; the strange animals that lurked round 'em; the wonderful
+flowers and vegetation&mdash;in short, if I could a sot down and neighbored
+with 'em, I would a gin, I believe my soul, as much as a dollar and
+thirty-five cents.</p>
+
+<p>The rooms are about six feet high, and they wuz like me in one
+thing&mdash;they didn't care so much for ornament as they did for solid
+foundation. The only ornament I see in any of the rooms wuz some kinder
+wavin' streaks of red paint. But, oh! how solid the housen wuz, how firm
+the underpinnin'.</p>
+
+<p>There wuz some stun towers and some winders, and oh! how I do wish I
+could seen what them Old Cliffers looked out on when they rested their
+arms on the stun winder sills and looked down on the deep valley below.</p>
+
+<p>Children a-lookin' out for pleasure mebby; older ones a-lookin' for
+Happiness and Ambition like as not, the aged ones a-leanin' their tired
+arms on the hard stun, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_377" id="Page_377">[Pg 377]</a></span>while the settin' sun lit up their white locks,
+and a-lookin' for rest.</p>
+
+<p>The cliffs are a good many colors, and each a good-lookin' one.</p>
+
+<p>One thing struck me in all the housen, and made me think that though the
+Cliff Dwellers wuz older than Abraham or Moses, yet if I could see some
+of them female Cliffers I could neighbor with 'em like sisters.</p>
+
+<p>They did love closets so well, and that made 'em so congenial to me. I
+never had half closets enough, and I don't believe any woman did if she
+would tell the truth.</p>
+
+<p>There wuz sights of closets all closed up with good slab doors, some
+like grave-stuns.</p>
+
+<p>I shouldn't have liked that so well, to had to heave down that heavy
+slab every time that I wanted a teacup, but mebby they didn't drink tea.</p>
+
+<p>I spoze they kep their strange-lookin' pottery there, and I presoom the
+wimmen prided themselves on havin' more of them jars than a neighbor
+female Cliffer did. Then there are farmin' implements, and sandals, and
+leggins, and weapons, and baby boards&mdash;and didn't I wish that I could
+ketch sight of one of them babies!</p>
+
+<p>The bodies of the dead wuz wrapped in four different winders&mdash;first in
+fine cloth, then a robe of turkey feath<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_378" id="Page_378">[Pg 378]</a></span>ers wove with Yucca fibre, then a
+mattin', and then a wrap made of reeds.</p>
+
+<p>The mummies found wrapped in these grave-clothes are more perfect than
+any found in Egypt, the hot, dry air of Colorado a-doin' its best to
+keep folks alive, and then after they are dead, a-keepin' 'em so as long
+as it can. There wuz one, a woman with pretty figure, and small hands
+and feet, and soft, light-colored hair. What wuz she a-thinkin' on as
+she done up that fore-top or braided that back hair?</p>
+
+<p>Did any hand ever lay on that soft, shinin' hair in caresses? I presoom
+more than like as not there had. Her mother's, anyway, and mebby a
+lover's, sence the fashion of love is older than the pyramids enough
+sight&mdash;old as Adam, and before that Love wuz. For Love thought out the
+World.</p>
+
+<p>By her side wuz a jar with some seeds in it&mdash;probable the hand of Love
+put it there to sustain her on her long journey.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, the centuries have gone by sence she sot out for the Land of
+Sperits, but the seeds are there yet. She didn't need 'em.</p>
+
+<p>These seeds are in good shape, but they won't sprout. That shows plain
+how much older these mummies are than the Egyptian ones, for the seeds
+found by them will sprout and grow, but these are too old&mdash;the life in
+the seeds is gone, as<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_379" id="Page_379">[Pg 379]</a></span> well as the life in the dead forms by 'em,
+centuries ago, mebby.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, it wuz a sight&mdash;a sight to see that city, and then to see
+a-windin' up the face of the cliff the windin' trail, and the little
+burros a-climbin' up slowly from the valley, and the strange four-horned
+sheep of the Navago herds a-grazin' amongst the high rocks.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz one of the most impressive sights of all the wonderful sights of
+the Columbus Fair, and so I told Josiah.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, seein' we wuz right there, we thought we would pay attention to
+the Forestry Buildin'.</p>
+
+<p>And if I ever felt ashamed of myself, and mortified, I did there; of
+which more anon.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz quite a big buildin', kinder long and low&mdash;about two and a half
+acres big, I should judge.</p>
+
+<p>Every house has its peculiarities, the same as folks do, and the
+peculiar kink in this house wuz it hadn't a nail or a bit of iron in it
+anywhere from top to bottom&mdash;bolts and pegs made of wood a-holdin' it
+together.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, I hadn't no idee that there wuz so many kinds of wood in the hull
+world, from Asia and Greenland to Jonesville, as I see there in five
+minutes.</p>
+
+<p>Of course I had been round enough in our woods and the swamp to know
+that there wuz several diff<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_380" id="Page_380">[Pg 380]</a></span>erent kinds of wood&mdash;ellum and butnut, cedar
+and dog-wood, and so forth.</p>
+
+<p>But good land! to see the hundreds and thousands of kinds that I see
+here made anybody feel curious, curious as a dog, and made 'em feel,
+too, how enormous big the world is&mdash;and how little he or she is, as the
+case may be.</p>
+
+<p>The sides of the buildin' are made of slabs, with the bark took off, and
+the roof is thatched with tan-bark and other barks.</p>
+
+<p>The winder-frames are made in the same rustic, wooden way.</p>
+
+<p>The main entrances are made of different kinds of wood, cut and carved
+first-rate.</p>
+
+<p>All around this buildin' is a veranda, and supportin' its roof is a long
+row of columns, each composed of three tree trunks twenty-five feet in
+length&mdash;one big one and the other two smaller.</p>
+
+<p>These wuz contributed by the different States and Territories and by
+foreign countries, each sendin' specimens of its most noted trees.</p>
+
+<p>And right here wuz when I felt mad at myself, mad as a settin' hen, to
+think how forgetful I had been, and how lackin' in what belongs to good
+manners and politeness.</p>
+
+<p>Why hadn't I brung some of our native Jonesville trees, hallowed by the
+presence of Josiah Allen's wife?</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_381" id="Page_381">[Pg 381]</a></span></p>
+<p>Why hadn't I brung some of the maples from our dooryard, that shakes
+out its green and crimson banners over our heads every spring and fall?</p>
+
+<p>Or why hadn't I brung one of the low-spreadin' apple-trees out of Mother
+Smith's orchard, where I used to climb in search of robins' nests in
+June mornin's?</p>
+
+<p>Or one of the pale green willers that bent over my head as I sot on the
+low plank foot-bridge, with my bare feet a-swingin' off into the water
+as I fished for minnies with a pin-hook&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>The summer sky overhead, and summer in my heart.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, happy summer days gone by&mdash;gone by, fur back you lay in the past,
+and the June skies now have lost that old light and freshness.</p>
+
+<p>But poor children that we are, we still keep on a-fishin' with our bent
+pin-hooks; we still drop our weak lines down into the depths, a-fishin'
+for happiness, for rest, for ambition, for Heaven knows what all&mdash;and
+now, as in the past, our hooks break or our lines float away on the
+eddies, and we don't catch what we are after.</p>
+
+<p>Poor children! poor creeters!</p>
+
+<p>But I am eppisodin', and to resoom.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_382" id="Page_382">[Pg 382]</a></span></p>
+<p>As I said to Josiah, what a oversight that wuz my not thinkin' of it!</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "How the nations would have prized them trees!" And sez I,</p>
+
+<p>"What would Christopher Columbus say if he knew on't?"</p>
+
+<p>And Josiah sez, "He guessed he would have got along without 'em."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "what will America and the World's Fair think on't, my
+makin' such a oversight?"</p>
+
+<p>And he sez, "He guessed they would worry along somehow without 'em."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "I am mortified&mdash;as mortified as a dog."</p>
+
+<p>And I wuz.</p>
+
+<p>There wuzn't any need of makin' any mistake about the trees, for there
+wuz a little metal plate fastened to each tree, with the name marked on
+it&mdash;the common name and the high-learnt botanical name.</p>
+
+<p>But Josiah, who always has a hankerin' after fashion and show, he talked
+a sight to me about the "Abusex-celsa," and the "Genus-salix," and the
+"Fycus-sycamorus," and the "Atractylus-gummifera."</p>
+
+<p>He boasted in particular about the rarity of them trees. He said they
+grew in Hindoostan and on the highest peaks of the Uriah M<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_383" id="Page_383">[Pg 383]</a></span>ountains; and
+he sez, "How strange that he should ever live to see 'em."</p>
+
+<p>He talked proud and high-learnt about 'em, till I got tired out, and
+pinted him to the other names of 'em.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus394.png" width="500" height="420"
+alt="He talked proud and high learnt about &#39;em."
+title="He talked proud and high learnt about &#39;em." />
+<span class="caption">He talked proud and high learnt about 'em.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Then his feathers drooped, and sez he, "A Norway spruce, a willer, a
+sycamore, and a pine. Dum it all, what do they want to put on such names
+as them onto trees that grow right in our dooryard?"</p>
+
+<p>"To show off," sez I, coldly, "and to make other folks show off who have
+a hankerin' after fashion and display."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_384" id="Page_384">[Pg 384]</a></span></p>
+<p>He did not frame a reply to me&mdash;he had no frame.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIV" id="CHAPTER_XIV"></a>CHAPTER XIV.</h2>
+
+
+<p>I told Josiah this mornin' I wanted to go to the place where they had
+flowers, and plants, and roses, and things&mdash;I felt that duty wuz
+a-drawin' me.</p>
+
+<p>For, as I told him, old Miss Mahew wanted me to get her a slip of
+monthly rose if they had 'em to spare&mdash;she said, "If they seemed to have
+quite a few, I might tackle 'em about it, and if they seemed to be
+kinder scrimped for varieties, she stood willin' to swap one of her best
+kinds for one of theirn&mdash;she said she spozed they would have as many as
+ten or a dozen plants of each kind."</p>
+
+<p>And I thought mebby I could get a tulip bulb&mdash;I had had such poor luck
+with mine the year before.</p>
+
+<p>But sez I, "Mebby they won't have none to spare&mdash;I d'no how well they be
+off for 'em," but I spozed mebby I would see as many as a dozen or
+fifteen tulips, and as many roses.</p>
+
+<p>He kinder wanted to go and see the plows and horse-rakes that mornin',
+but I capitulated with him by sayin' if he would g<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_385" id="Page_385">[Pg 385]</a></span>o there first with me,
+anon we would go together to the horse-rake house.</p>
+
+<p>So we sot out the first thing for the Horticultural Buildin', and good
+land! good land! when we got to it I wuz jest browbeat and frustrated
+with the size on't&mdash;it is the biggest buildin' that wuz ever built in
+the world for plants and flowers.</p>
+
+<p>And when you jest think how big the world is, and how long it has stood,
+and how many houses has been built for posies from Persia and Ingy, down
+to Chicago and Jonesville, then you will mebby get it into your head the
+immense bigness on't&mdash;yes, that buildin' is two hundred and sixty
+thousand square feet, and every foot all filled up with beauty, and
+bloom, and perfume. It faces the risin' sun, as any place for flowers
+and plants ort to. Like all the rest of the Exposition buildin's, it has
+sights of ornaments and statutes. One of the most impressive statutes I
+see there wuz Spring Asleep. It struck so deep a blow onto my fancy that
+I thought on't the last thing at night, and I waked up in the night and
+thought on't.</p>
+
+<p>There never wuz a better-lookin' creeter than Spring wuz, awful big
+too&mdash;riz way up lofty and grand, and hantin' as our own dreams of Spring
+are as we set shiverin' in the Winter.</p>
+
+<p>Her noble face wuz perfect in its beauty, and she sot there with her
+arms outstret<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_386" id="Page_386">[Pg 386]</a></span>ched; and grouped all round her wuz beautiful
+forms&mdash;lovely wimmen, and babies, and children, all bound in slumber,
+but, as I should imagine, jest on the pint of wakin' up.</p>
+
+<p>I guess they wuz all a-dreamin' about the song of birds a-comin' back
+from the south land, and silky, pale green willers a-bendin' low over
+gurglin' brooks, and pink and white may-flowers a-hidin' under the leafy
+hollows of Northern hills, and the golden glow of cowslips down in the
+dusky brown shallows in green swamps, and white clouds a-sailin' over
+blue skies, and soft winds a-blowin' up from the South.</p>
+
+<p>They wuz asleep, but the cookoo's notes would wake 'em in a minute or
+two; and then I could see by their clothes that they wuz expectin'
+warmer weather. It wuz a very impressive statute. Mr. Tafft done his
+very best&mdash;I couldn't have done as well myself&mdash;not nigh. Wall, to go
+through that buildin' wuz like walkin' through fairyland, if fairyland
+had jest blown all out full of beauty and greenness.</p>
+
+<p>Right in the centre overhead, way up, way up, is a crystal ruff made to
+represent the sky, and it seems to be a-glitterin' in its crystal beauty
+way up in the clouds; underneath wuz the most beautiful pictures you
+ever see, or Jos<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_387" id="Page_387">[Pg 387]</a></span>iah, or anybody. They wuz painted in Paris&mdash;not Paris in
+the upper end of Lyme County, but Paris in France, way over the billowy
+Atlantic; and under this magnificent dome wuz all kinds of the most
+beautiful palms, bamboos and tree ferns, with their shiny, feathery
+foliage, and big leaves. Why some of them long, feathery leaves wuz so
+big, if the tree wuz in the middle of our dooryard the ends of 'em
+would go over into the orchard&mdash;one leaf; the idee! Why, you would
+almost fancy you wuz in a tropical forest, as you looked up into the
+great feathery masses and leaves as big as a hull tree almost; and
+risin' right in the centre wuz a mountain sixty feet high all covered
+with tropical verdure; leadin' into it wuz a shady, cool grotto, where
+wuz all kinds of ferns, and exquisite plants, that love to grow in such
+spots.</p>
+
+<p>And way in through, a-flashin' through the cool darkness of the spot,
+you could see the wonderful rays of that strange light that has a soul.</p>
+
+<p>And if you will believe it&mdash;I don't spoze you will&mdash;but there is plants
+here grown by that artificial light&mdash;the idee!</p>
+
+<p>I sez to Josiah, "Did you ever see anything like the idee of growin'
+plants by lamplight?" and he sez&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"It is a new thing, but a crackin' good one," and he added&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_388" id="Page_388">[Pg 388]</a></span></p><p>"What can be done in one place can in another," and he got all excited
+up, and took his old account-book out of his pocket and went to
+calculatin' on how many cowcumbers he could raise in the winter down
+suller by the light of his old lantern.</p>
+
+<p>I discouraged him, and sez I, "You can't raise plants by the light of
+that old karsene lantern, and there hain't no room, anyway, in our
+suller."</p>
+
+<p>And he said, "He wuz bound to spade up round the pork barrel and try a
+few hills, anyway;" and sez he, dreamily, "We might raise a few
+string-beans and have 'em run up on the soap tub."</p>
+
+<p>But I made him put up his book, for we wuz attractin' attention, and I
+told him agin that we hadn't got the conveniences to home that they had
+here.</p>
+
+<p>He put up his book and we wended on, but he had a look on his face that
+made me think he hadn't gin up the idee, and I spoze that some good
+cowcumber seed will be wasted like as not, to say nothin' of karsene.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, all connected with this house is two big open courts, full and
+runnin' over with beauty and wonder; on the south is the aquatic garden,
+showin' all the plants and flowers and wonderful water growth.</p>
+
+<p>Here Josiah begun to make calculations agin about growin' flowers in our
+old mill-pond, but I broke it up.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_389" id="Page_389">[Pg 389]</a></span></p>
+<p>On the north court is a magnificent orange grove. Why, it makes you
+feel as though you wuz a-standin' in California or Florida, under the
+beautiful green trees, full of the ripe, rich fruit, and blossoms, and
+green leaves.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, the hull house, take it all in all, is such a seen of wonder, and
+enchantment, and delight, that it might have been transplanted, jest as
+it stood, from the Arabian nights entertainment.</p>
+
+<p>And you would almost expect if you turned a corner to meet Old Alibaby,
+or a Grand Vizier, or somebody before you got out of there.</p>
+
+<p>But we didn't; and after feastin' our eyes on the beauty and wonder
+on't, we sot off to see the rest of the flowers and plants, for we laid
+out when we first went to the World's Fair to see one thing at a time so
+fur as we could, and then tackle another, though I am free to confess
+that it wuz sometimes like tacklin' the sea-shore to count the grains of
+sand, or tacklin' the great north woods to count how many leaves wuz on
+the trees, or measurin' the waters of Lake Ontario with a teaspoon, or
+any other hard job you are a mind to bring up.</p>
+
+<p>But this day we laid out to see as much as we could of the immense
+display of flowers.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_390" id="Page_390">[Pg 390]</a></span></p><p>But where there is milds and milds of clear flowers, what can you do?
+You can't look at every one on 'em, to save your life.</p>
+
+<p>Why, to jest give you a small idee of the magnitude and size, jest think
+of five hundred thousand pansies from every quarter of the globe, and
+every beautiful color that wuz ever seen or drempt of. You know them
+posies do look some like faces, and the faces look like "the great
+multitude no man could number," that we read about, and every one of
+them faces a-bloomin' with every color of the rainbow. And speakin' of
+rainbows, before long we did see one&mdash;a long, shinin', glitterin'
+rainbow, made out of pure pansies, of which more anon and bimeby.</p>
+
+<p>And then, think of seein' from five to ten millions of tulips. Why, I
+had thought I had raised tulips; I had had from twenty to thirty in full
+blow at one time, and had realized it, though I didn't mean to be proud
+nor haughty.</p>
+
+<p>But I knew that my tulips wuz fur ahead of Miss Isham's, or any other
+Jonesvillian, and I had feelin's accordin'.</p>
+
+<p>But then to think of ten millions of 'em&mdash;why, it would took Miss Isham
+and me more'n a week to jest count 'em, and work hard, too, all the
+time.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_391" id="Page_391">[Pg 391]</a></span></p><p>Why, when I jest stretched out my eye-sight to try to take in them ten
+millions of globes of gorgeous beauty, my sperits sunk in me further
+than the Queen of Sheba's did before the glory of Solomon; I felt that
+minute that I would love to see Miss Sheba, and neighbor with her a
+spell, and talk with her about pride, and how it felt when it wuz
+a-fallin'. I could go ahead of her, fur, fur, and I thought I would have
+loved to own it up to her, and if Solomon had been present, too, I
+wouldn't have cared a mite&mdash;I felt humble. And I jest marched off and
+never said a word about gittin' a root for me or Miss Isham&mdash;I wuz
+fairly overcome.</p>
+
+<p>And still we walked round through milds and milds of solid beauty and
+bloom. Every beautiful posey I had ever hearn on, and them I had never
+hearn on wuz there, right before my dazzled eyes.</p>
+
+<p>The biggest crowd we see in the Horticultural Hall wuz round what you
+may call the humblest thing&mdash;a tree, something like old Bobbetses calf,
+with five legs.</p>
+
+<p>There wuz a fern from Japan, two separate varieties growin' together in
+one plant.</p>
+
+<p>There wuz Japanese dwarf trees one hundred years old and about as big as
+gooseberries.</p>
+
+<p>A travellin' tree from Madagascar wuz one of the most interestin' things
+to look at.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_392" id="Page_392">[Pg 392]</a></span></p>
+<p>And then there wuz a giant fern from Australia that measured thirty-two
+feet&mdash;the largest, so I wuz told, in Europe or America. Thirty-two feet!
+And there I have felt so good and even proud-sperited over my fern I
+took up out of our woods and brung home and sot out in Mother Smith's
+old blue sugar-bowl. Why, that fern wuz so large and beautiful, and
+attracted the envious and admirin' attention of so many Jonesvillians,
+that I had strong idees of takin' it to the Fair!</p>
+
+<p>Philury said she "hadn't a doubt of my gittin' the first prize medal
+on't." "Why," sez she, "it is as long as Ury's arm!" And it wuz. Miss
+Lum thought it would be a good thing to take it, to let Chicago and the
+rest of the world see what vegetation wuz nateral to Jonesville, feelin'
+that they would most likely have a deep interest in it.</p>
+
+<p>And Deacon Henzy thought "it might draw population there."</p>
+
+<p>And the schoolmaster thought that "it would be useful to the foreign
+powers to see to what height swamp culture had attained in the growth of
+its idigenious plants."</p>
+
+<p>I didn't really understand everything he said&mdash;there wuz a number more
+big words in his talk&mdash;but I presoom he did, and felt comforted to use
+'em.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_393" id="Page_393">[Pg 393]</a></span></p>
+<p>Why, as I said, I had boasted that fern wuz as long as my arm.</p>
+
+<p>But thirty-two feet&mdash;as high as Josiah, and his father, and his
+grandfather, and his great-grandfather, and his great-great-grandfather,
+and Ury on top.</p>
+
+<p>Where, where wuz my boastin'? Gone, washed away utterly on the sea of
+wonder and or.</p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz a century plant with a blossom stem thirty feet high,
+and a posey accordin', one posey agin as high as my Josiah, and his
+father, and etc., etc., etc., and Ury.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, good gracious! oh, dear me suz!</p>
+
+<p>That plant wuzn't expected to blow out in several years, but all of a
+sudden it shot up that immense stalk, up, up to thirty feet.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz as if the Queen of the Flowery Kingdom had come with the rest of
+the kings and princesses of the earth to the Columbus World's Fair.</p>
+
+<p>Had changed her plans to come with the rest of the royal family. It wuz
+a sight.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, after roamin' there the best part of two hours, I said to my
+companion, "Less go and see the Wooded Island." And he said with a deep
+sithe, "I am ready, and more than ready. The name sounds good to me. I
+would love to see some good plain wood, either corded up or in sled
+length."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_394" id="Page_394">[Pg 394]</a></span></p><p>I see he wuz sick of lookin' at flowers, and I d'no as I could blame
+him; for my own head seemed to be jest a-turnin' round and round, and
+every turnin' had more colors than any rainbow you ever laid eyes on.</p>
+
+<p>He wuz dretful anxious to git out-doors himself. He said it wuz all for
+himself that he wuz hurryin' so.</p>
+
+<p>I d'no that, but I do know that in his haste to help me git out he
+stepped on my foot, and almost made a wreck of that valuable member.</p>
+
+<p>I looked bad, and groaned, and sithed considerable 'fore he got to the
+sheltered bench he'd sot out for.</p>
+
+<p>He acted sorry, and I didn't reproach him any.</p>
+
+<p>I only sez, "Oh, I don't lay it up aginst you, Josiah. It jest reminds
+me of Sister Blanker."</p>
+
+<p>And he sez, "I don't thank you to compare me to that slab-sided old
+maid."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "I believe she's a Christian, Josiah."</p>
+
+<p>And so I do. But sez I, "Folks must be megum even in goodness, Josiah
+Allen, and in order to set down and hold a half orphan in your arms, you
+mustn't overset yourself and come down on the floor on top of a hull
+orphan or a nursin' child.</p>
+
+<p>"You mustn't tromple so fast on your way to the gole as to walk over and
+upset two or three lame ones and paryletics."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_395" id="Page_395">[Pg 395]</a></span></p>
+<p>Sez I, "Do you remember my eppisode with Sister Blanker, Josiah?"</p>
+
+<p>He did not frame a reply to me, but sot off to look at sunthin' or
+ruther, sayin' that he would come back in a few minutes.</p>
+
+<p>And as I sot there alone Memory went on and onrolled her panorama in
+front of my eyeballs, about my singular eppisode with Drusilla Blanker.</p>
+
+<p>Sister Blanker is a good woman and a Christian, but she never so much as
+sot her foot on the fair plains of megumness, whose balmy, even climate
+has afforded me so much comfort all my life.</p>
+
+<p>No; she is a woman who stalks on towards goles and don't mind who or
+what she upsets on her way.</p>
+
+<p>She is a woman who a-chasin' sinners slams the door in the faces of
+saints.</p>
+
+<p>And what I mean by this is that she is in such a hurry to git inside the
+door of Duty (a real heavy door sometimes, heavy as iron), she don't see
+whether or not it is a-goin' to slam back and hit somebody in the
+forward.</p>
+
+<p>A remarkable instance of this memory onrolled on her panorama&mdash;a
+eppisode that took place in our own Jonesville meetin'-house.</p>
+
+<p>The session room where we go to session sometimes and to transact other
+business has got a heavy swing door. And everybody who goes through it
+always calculates to hold it<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_396" id="Page_396">[Pg 396]</a></span> back if there is anybody comin' behind 'em,
+for that door has been known to knock a man down when it come onto him
+onexpected and onbeknown to him.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, Sister Blanker wuz a-goin' on ahead of me one night; it wuz a
+charitable meetin' that we wuz a-goin' to&mdash;to quilt a bedquilt for a
+heathen&mdash;and she knew I wuz jest behind her&mdash;right on her tracts, as you
+may say, for we had sot out together from the preachin'-room, and we had
+been a-talkin' all the way there on the different merits of otter color
+or butnut for linin' for the quilt, and as to whether herrin'-bone
+looked so good as a quiltin' stitch as plain rib.</p>
+
+<p>She favored rib and otter; I kinder leaned toward herrin'-bone and
+butnut.</p>
+
+<p>We had had a agreeable talk all the way, though I couldn't help seein'
+she wuz too hard on butnut, and slightin' in her remarks on
+herrin'-bone.</p>
+
+<p>Anyway, she knew I wuz with her in the body; but as she ketched sight of
+the door that wuz a-goin' to let her in where she could begin to do
+good, her mind jest soared right up, and she forgot everything and
+everybody, and she let that door slam right back and hit me on my right
+arm, and laid me up for over five weeks.</p>
+
+<p>And I fell right back on Edna Garvin, and she is lame, and it knocked
+her over b<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_397" id="Page_397">[Pg 397]</a></span>ackwards onto Sally Ann Bobbetses little girl, and she fell
+flat down, and Miss Gowdey on top of her, and Miss Gowdey, bein'
+a-walkin' along lost in thought about the bedquilt, and thinkin' how
+much battin' we should need in it, and not lookin' for a obstacle in her
+path, slipped right up and fell forwards. Wall, a-tryin' to save little
+Annie Gowdey from bein' squashed right down, Miss Gowdey throwed herself
+sideways and strained her back. She weighs two hundred, and is
+loose-jinted.</p>
+
+<p>And she hain't got over it to this day. She insists on't that she
+loosened her spine in the affair.</p>
+
+<p>And I d'no but she did!</p>
+
+<p>But the child wuz gin up to die. So for weeks and weeks the Bobbetses
+and all of Sally Ann's relations (she wuz a Henzy and wide connected in
+the Methodist meetin'-house) had to give up all their time a-hangin'
+over that sick-bed.</p>
+
+<p>And the Garvins wuz mad as hens, and they bein' connected with most
+everybody in the Dorcuss Society&mdash;and it wuzn't over than above
+large&mdash;why, take it with my bein' laid up and the children havin' to be
+home so much, Sister Blanker in that one slam jest about cleaned out the
+hull Methodist meetin'-house.</p>
+
+<p>The quilt wuzn't touched after that night, and the heathen lay cold all
+winter, for all I know.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_398" id="Page_398">[Pg 398]</a></span></p>
+<p>I had all I could do to take care of my own arm, catnip and lobela
+alternately and a-follerin' after each other I pursued for weeks and
+weeks, and the pain wuz fearful.</p>
+
+<p>Sister Blanker wuz about the only one who come out hull, and she had
+plenty of time to set down and mourn over a lack of opportunities to do
+good, and to talk a sight about the lukewarmness of members of the
+meetin'-house in good works. And there they wuz to home a-sufferin', and
+it wuz her own self who had brung it all on.</p>
+
+<p>You see, as I have said more formally, in our efforts to march forwards
+to do good it is highly neccessary to see that we hain't a-tromplin' on
+anybody; and in order to help sinners in Africa it hain't neccessary to
+knock down Christians in New Jersey and Rhode Island, or to stomp onto
+professors in Maine.</p>
+
+<p>Howsumever, that is some folkses ways.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, I'd a been a-lookin' at the panorama with one half of my mind and
+admirin' the beauty round me with the other half.</p>
+
+<p>But at this minute&mdash;and it wuz lucky my eppisode had come to an end, for
+if there is anything I hate it is to be broke up in eppisodin'&mdash;my
+Josiah returned.</p>
+
+<p>In front of Horticultural Hall is a flower terrace for out-door exhibits
+of loveliness, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_399" id="Page_399">[Pg 399]</a></span>and then in front of that is the beautiful, cool water,
+and down in the centre of that, below the terrace, and its beauty, and
+vases, is a boat-landin'. The water did look dretful good to me after
+lookin' at so many gorgeous colors&mdash;more than any rainbow ever boasted
+of, enough sight&mdash;it did seem good to me to look down into them cool
+waters; and I sez to my pardner&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"The water does look dretful good and sort o' satisfyin', don't it,
+Josiah?"</p>
+
+<p>A bystander a-standin' by sez, "I guess if you would go into the south
+pavilion here and look at the display of wine you wouldn't talk about
+lookin' at water; why," sez he, "to say nothin' of the display of our
+own country, the exhibit of wine from France, Italy, Spain, and Germany
+is enough to set a man half crazy to look at."</p>
+
+<p>I looked at him coldly&mdash;his nose wuz as red as fire&mdash;and I sez, "I
+hain't got no call to look at wine.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 318px;">
+<img src="images/illus411.png" width="318" height="500"
+alt="His nose wuz as red as fire." title="His nose wuz as red as fire." />
+<span class="caption">His nose wuz as red as fire.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"I wouldn't give a cent a barrel for the best there is there, if I had
+got to consoom it myself.</p>
+
+<p>"Though," sez I, reasonably, "I wouldn't object to havin' a pint bottle
+on't to keep in the house in case of sickness, or to make jell, or
+sunthin'.</p>
+
+<p>"But I will not go and encourage the makin' of such quantities as there
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_400" id="Page_400">[Pg 400]</a></span>is there, I will not encourage 'em in makin' that show."</p>
+
+<p>He looked mad, and sez he, "I guess they won't stop their show because
+you won't go and see it."</p>
+
+<p>"Probable not," sez I; but sez I, real eloquent, "I will hold up my
+banner afoot or on horseback."</p>
+
+<p>And then I sez to my husband, with quite a good deal of dignity&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Less proceed to the Wooded Island, Josiah Allen."</p>
+
+<p>But alas! for Josiah's hope of seein' sunthin' plain and simple. When we
+got there, that seemed to be the very central garden of the earth for
+flowers, and beauty, and bloom, and there it wuz that we see the most
+gorgeous rainbow&mdash;all made of pansies&mdash;glow and dazzlement.</p>
+
+<p>The island contains seventeen acres, and it stands on such a rise of
+ground, that every buildin' on the Fair ground can be seen plain.</p>
+
+<p>In the centre of the south end wuz the rose garden, where the choicest
+and most beautiful roses from all over the world bloom in their glowin'
+richness.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_401" id="Page_401">[Pg 401]</a></span></p><p>When I thought how much store I had sot by one little monthly rose
+a-growin' in a old earthen teapot of Mother Allen's&mdash;and when it wuz
+all blowed out I had reason to be proud on't&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>But jest think of seein' fifty thousand of the choicest roses in the
+world, all a-blowin' out at one time.</p>
+
+<p>Why, I had a immense number of emotions.</p>
+
+<p>I thought of the ancient rose gardens we read of, and Solomon's Songs,
+and most everything.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz surrounded on all four sides with a wire trellis, with archways
+openin' on four sides, and all over these pretty trellises climbin'
+roses and honeysuckles, and all lovely climbin' plants covered it into
+four walls of perfect beauty.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz truly the World's Rose Garden.</p>
+
+<p>Well might Josiah say he wuz sick of flowers, and wanted to see some
+plain cord wood! Why, that day we see in one batch twenty thousand
+orchids, six thousand Parmee violets, and one man&mdash;jest one man&mdash;sent
+'leven hundred ivies and one thousand hydarangeas, and every flower you
+ever hearn on in proportion, let alone what all the other men all over
+the earth had sent.</p>
+
+<p>On the north side of the island Japan jest shows herself at her very
+best, and lets the world see her in a native village, and how she raises
+flowers, and makes shrubs and trees look <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_402" id="Page_402">[Pg 402]</a></span>curious as anything you ever
+see, and curiouser, too; all surrounded a temple where she keeps what
+she calls her religion, and lots of other things.</p>
+
+<p>Japan is one of the likeliest countries that are represented in
+Columbuses doin's. She wuz the first country to respond to the
+invitation to take part in it, and I spoze mebby that is the reason that
+Chicago gin her this beautiful place to hold her own individual doin's
+in. The temple is a gorgeous-lookin' one, but queer as anything&mdash;as
+anything I ever see.</p>
+
+<p>But then, on the other hand, I spoze them Japans would call the
+Jonesville meetin'-house queer; for what is strange in one country is
+second nater in another.</p>
+
+<p>This temple is built with one body and two wings, to represent the
+Ph&oelig;nix&mdash;or so they say; the wood part wuz built in Japan and put up
+here by native Japans, brung over for that purpose.</p>
+
+<p>It is elaborate and gorgeous-lookin' in the extreme, and the
+gorgeousness a-differin' from our gorgeousness as one star differeth
+from a rutabaga turnip.</p>
+
+<p>Not that I mean any disrespect to Japan or the United States by the
+metafor, but I had to use a strong one to show off the difference.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_403" id="Page_403">[Pg 403]</a></span></p><p>In one wing of the temple is exhibited articles from one thousand to
+four thousand years old&mdash;old bronzes, and arms, and first attempts at
+pottery and lacquer.</p>
+
+<p>Some of these illustrate arts that are lost fur back in the past&mdash;I d'no
+how or where, nor Josiah don't.</p>
+
+<p>In the other wing are Japan productions four hundred years old, showin'
+the state of the country when Columbus sot out to discover their
+country; for it wuz stories of a wonderful island&mdash;most probable
+Japan&mdash;that wuz one thing that influenced Columbus strong.</p>
+
+<p>In the main buildin' are sights and sights of goods from Japan at the
+present day.</p>
+
+<p>All of the north part of the island is a marvellous show of their skill
+and ingenuity in landscape gardenin', and dwarf trees, and the wonderful
+garden effects for which they are noted.</p>
+
+<p>They make a present of the temple and all of these horticultural works
+to Chicago.</p>
+
+<p>To remain always a ornament of Jackson Park, which I call very pretty in
+'em.</p>
+
+<p>Take it all together, the exhibits of Japan are about as interesting as
+that of any country of the globe.</p>
+
+<p>In some things they go ahead of us fur. Now in some of their
+meetin'-houses I am told<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_404" id="Page_404">[Pg 404]</a></span> they don't have much of anything but a
+lookin'-glass a-hangin', to show the duty and neccessity of lookin' at
+your own sins.</p>
+
+<p>To set for a hour and a half and examine your own self and meditate on
+your own shortcomin's.</p>
+
+<p>How useful and improvin' that would be if used&mdash;as it ort to be&mdash;in
+Jonesville or Chicago!</p>
+
+<p>But still the world would call it queer.</p>
+
+<p>I leaned up hard on that thought, and wuz carried safe through all the
+queer sights I see there.</p>
+
+<p>I see quite a number of the Japans there, pretty, small-bonded folks,
+with faces kinder yellowish brown, dark eyes sot considerable fur back
+in their heads, their noses not Romans by any means&mdash;quite the
+reverse&mdash;and their hair glossy and dark, little hands and feet. Some on
+'em wuz dressed like Jonesvillians, but others had their queer-shaped
+clothin', and dretful ornamental. Josiah wuz bound to have a sack
+embroidered like one of theirn, and some wooden shoes, and caps with
+tossels&mdash;he thought they wuz dressy&mdash;and he wanted some big sleeves that
+he could use as a pocket; and then sez he&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"To have shoes that have a separate place for the big toe, what a boon
+for that dum old corn on that toe of mine that would be!"</p>
+
+<p>But I frowned on the idee; but sez he&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_405" id="Page_405">[Pg 405]</a></span></p><p>"If you mind the expense, I could take one of your old short night-gowns
+and color it black, and set some embroidery onto it. I could cut some
+figgers out of creton&mdash;it wouldn't be much work. Why," sez he, "I could
+pin 'em on&mdash;no, dum it all," sez he, "I couldn't set down in it, but I
+could glue 'em on."</p>
+
+<p>But I sez, "If you want to foller the Japans I could tell you a custom
+of theirn, and I would give ten cents willin'ly to see you foller it."</p>
+
+<p>"What is that?" sez he, ready, as I could see, to ornament himself, or
+shave his hair, or dress up his big toe, or anything.</p>
+
+<p>But I sez, "It is their politeness, Josiah Allen."</p>
+
+<p>"I'd be a dum fool if I wuz in your place," sez he. "What do I want to
+foller 'em for? I am polite, and always wuz."</p>
+
+<p>I looked coldly at him, and sez I&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Japans wouldn't call their wives a dum fool no quicker than they would
+take their heads off."</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, conscience-struck, "I didn't call you one. I said <i>I</i> would be
+one if I wuz in your place&mdash;I wuz a-demeanin' myself, Samantha."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, not mindin' his persiflage, "The Japans are the politest nation
+on the earth; they say cheatin' and lyin' hain't polite, and so they
+don't want to foller 'em; they hitch principle and politeness right up
+in one team and ride after it."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_406" id="Page_406">[Pg 406]</a></span></p>
+<p>"Wall," sez he, "I do and always have."</p>
+
+<p>I wouldn't deign to argue with him, only I remarked, "Wall, the team
+prances, and throws you time and again, Josiah Allen."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "The Japans are neat, industrious, studious, and progressive,
+ardent in desirin' knowledge."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez he, "if you think so much on 'em, why don't you buy a
+pipe&mdash;they all smoke, men and wimmen."</p>
+
+<p>He didn't love to hear me praisin' even a nation, that man didn't, but I
+soothed him down by drawin' his attention to the housen of the little
+village.</p>
+
+<p>They wuz low, and had broad eaves, and a sort of a piazza a-runnin' all
+round 'em; they seemed to be kinder plastered on the outside; and the
+doors and winders&mdash;I wouldn't want to swear to it&mdash;but they did seem to
+be wood frames covered with paper, that would slide back and forth, and
+the partitions of the housen seemed to be made of paper that could be
+slipped and slided every way, or be took down and turn the hull house
+into one room.</p>
+
+<p>And the little gardens round the housen looked curious as a dog, and
+curiouser, with trees and shrubs dwarfed and trained into forms of
+animals and so forth.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_407" id="Page_407">[Pg 407]</a></span></p><p>But I leaned heavy on the thought that my house and garden in Jonesville
+would look jest as queer to 'em, and got along without bein' too
+dumbfoundered. As I wuz a-walkin' along there I did think of the errant
+Old Miss Baker sent by me.</p>
+
+<p>She wanted me to git her a japanned dust-pan. She said that "them she
+bought of tin-peddlers wuzn't worth a cent&mdash;the japan all wore off of
+'em."</p>
+
+<p>"But," sez she, "you buy it right at headquarters&mdash;you'd be apt to git a
+good one;" and she told me that I might go as high as twenty-five cents
+if I couldn't git it for no less.</p>
+
+<p>And I spoke on't there, but Josiah said "that he wouldn't go a-luggin'
+round dust-pans for nobody to this Fair."</p>
+
+<p>But I sez, "I guess that Columbus went through more than that."</p>
+
+<p>But I did in my own mind hate to go round before the nations a-carryin'
+a dust-pan&mdash;they're so kinder rakish-lookin'.</p>
+
+<p>But if I'd seen a good one I should have leaned on duty and bought it.</p>
+
+<p>But we didn't see no signs of any.</p>
+
+<p>But we see pictures and ornaments so queer that I felt my own eyes
+a-movin' round sideways a-beholdin' of 'em, or would have if we had
+stayed there long enough. We see as we wended along that all round the
+island<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_408" id="Page_408">[Pg 408]</a></span> wuz another garden all full of flowers, and ornamental grasses,
+and beautiful shrubs, and windin' walks, and so forth, and so forth, and
+so forth&mdash;an Eden of beauty.</p>
+
+<p>And in one place we see in a large tank the Victoria Regia. Its leaves
+wuz ten feet long, and when in the water in its own home, the River
+Amazon in Brazil, the leaves will hold up a child six years old.</p>
+
+<p>Then there wuz the lotus from Egypt, and Indian lilies, and that
+magnificent flower, Humboldt's last discovery, "the water poppy."</p>
+
+<p>It wuz a sight&mdash;a sight.</p>
+
+<p>But of all the sights I see that day I guess the one that stayed by me
+the longest, and that I thought more on than any of the other contents
+of Horticultural Hall, as I lay there on my peaceful pillow at Miss
+Plankses, wuz the reproduction of the Crystal Cave of Dakota.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 488px;">
+<img src="images/illus418.png" width="488" height="500"
+alt="My peaceful pillow at Miss Plankses." title="My peaceful pillow at Miss Plankses." />
+<span class="caption">My peaceful pillow at Miss Plankses.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>The original cave, so fur as they have discovered it, is thirty-three
+milds long&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Three times as long as the hull town of Lyme&mdash;the idee!</p>
+
+<p>Thirty lakes of pure water has been found in it, and one thousand four
+hundred rooms have been opened up.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_409" id="Page_409">[Pg 409]</a></span></p>
+<p>Here is a reproduction of seven of them rooms. Two men of Deadwood of
+Dakota wuz over a year a-gittin' specimens of the stalactites and
+stalagmites which they have brought to the Exposition.</p>
+
+<p>One of the rooms is called "Garden of the Gods;" another is "Abode of
+the Fairies," and one is the "Bridal Chamber;" another is the "Cathedral
+Chimes."</p>
+
+<p>Language can't paint nor do anything towards paintin' the dazzlin' glory
+of them rooms, with the great masses of gleamin' crystal, and slender
+columns, and all sorts of forms and fancies wrought in the dazzlin'
+crystalline masses.</p>
+
+<p>The chimes wuz perfect in their musical records&mdash;the guide played a tune
+on 'em.</p>
+
+<p>They wuz all lit up by electricity, and it wuz here that the plants wuz
+a-growin' by no other light but electricity.</p>
+
+<p>By windin' passages a-windin' through groups of fairy-like beauty and
+grandeur, you at last come out into the principal chamber, and here
+indeed you did feel that you wuz in the Garden of the Gods, as you
+looked round and beheld with your almost dazzled eyes the gorgeous
+colors radiatin' from the crystals, and the gleamin' and glowin' fancies
+on every side of you.</p>
+
+<p>And I sez to Josiah&mdash;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_410" id="Page_410">[Pg 410]</a></span></p>
+<p>"The hull thirty-three milds that this represents wuz considered till
+about a year ago as only a small hole in the ground, so little do we
+know." Sez I, "What glorious and majestic sights are about us on every
+side, liable to be revealed to us when the time comes."</p>
+
+<p>And then he wuz all rousted up about a hole down in our paster. Sez he,
+"Who knows what it would lead to if it wuz opened up?" Sez he, "I'll put
+twenty men to diggin' there the minute I git home."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "Josiah, that is a woodchuck hole&mdash;the woodchuck wuz took in it;
+you have got to be megum in caves as much as anything. Be calm," sez I,
+for he wuz a-breathin' hard and wuz fearful excited, and I led him out
+as quick as I could.</p>
+
+<p>But he wuz a-sleepin' now peaceful, forgittin' his enthusiasm, while I,
+who took it calm at the time, kep awake to muse on the glory of the
+spectacle.</p>
+
+<p>After we left the Horticultural Buildin' I proposed that we should
+branch out for once and git a fashionable dinner.</p>
+
+<p>"Dinner!" sez Josiah. "Are you crazy, or what does ail you? Talk about
+gittin' dinner at this time of day&mdash;most bedtime!"</p>
+
+<p>But I explained it out to him that fashion called for dinner at the hour
+that we usually partook of our evenin' meal at Jonesville.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_411" id="Page_411">[Pg 411]</a></span></p>
+<p>Sez I, "Josiah, I would love for jest once to go to a big fashionable
+restaurant and mingle with the fashionable throng&mdash;jest for instruction
+and education, Josiah, not that I want to foller it up."</p>
+
+<p>But sez he, "We'd better go to the same old place where we've got good,
+clean dinners and supperses, and enough on 'em, and at a livin' price."</p>
+
+<p>But he argued warm at the foolishness of the enterprise.</p>
+
+<p>But onlucky creeter that I wuz, I argued that, bein' a woman in search
+of instruction and wisdom, I wanted to see life on as many sides as I
+could; while I was at Columbuses doin's I wanted to look round and see
+all I could in a social and educational way.</p>
+
+<p>Poor deceived human creeters, how they will blind their own eyes when
+they pursue their own desires!</p>
+
+<p>I do spoze it wuz vanity and pride that wuz at the bottom of it.</p>
+
+<p>And truly, if I desired to see life on a new side I wuz about to have my
+wish; and if I had a haughty sperit when I entered that hall of fashion,
+it wuz with droopin' feathers and lowered crest that I went out on't.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah wuz mad when he finally gin up and accompanied and went in with
+me.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_412" id="Page_412">[Pg 412]</a></span></p>
+<p>It wuz a beautifully decorated room, and crowds of splendidly dressed
+men and wimmen wuz a-settin' round at little tables all over the room.</p>
+
+<p>And as we went in, a tall, elegant-lookin' man, who I spozed for a long
+time wuz a minister, and I wondered enough what brung him there, and why
+he should advance and wait on me, but spozed it wuz because of the high
+opinion they had of me at Chicago, and their wantin' to use me so awful
+well.</p>
+
+<p>But for all his white collar, and necktie, and sanctimonious look, I
+found out that he wuz a waiter, for all on 'em looked jest as he did,
+slick enough to be kept in a bandbox, and only let out once in a while
+to air.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, he led the way to a little table, and we seated ourselves, Josiah
+still a-actin' mad&mdash;mad as a hen, and uppish.</p>
+
+<p>And then the waiter put some little slips of paper before us, one with
+printin' and one with writin' on it, and a pencil, and sez he, "I will
+be back when you make out your order."</p>
+
+<p>And Josiah took out his old silver spectacles and begun to read out
+loud, and his voice wuz angry and morbid in the extreme.</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, loud and clear, "Blue pints&mdash;pints of what, I'd love to know? If
+it wuz<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_413" id="Page_413">[Pg 413]</a></span> a good pint of sweetened vinegar and ginger, I'd fall in with the
+idee."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_414" id="Page_414">[Pg 414]</a></span></p>
+<p>Sez I, "Keep still, Josiah; they're a-lookin' at you."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall, let 'em look," sez he, out loud and defiant.</p>
+
+<p>"Consomme of chicken a la princess&mdash;what do we want of Princesses here,
+or Queens, or Dukesses&mdash;we want sunthin' to eat! Devilish crabs&mdash;do
+you want some, Samantha?"</p>
+
+<p>I looked over his shoulder, in wild horrer at them awful words, and then
+I whispered, "Devilled crabs&mdash;and do you keep still, Josiah Allen; I'd
+ruther not have anythin' to eat at all than to have you act so&mdash;it
+hain't devilish."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall, what is the difference?" he sez, out loud and strong; "devilish
+or bedevilled, they both mean the same.</p>
+
+<p>"And it is true, too&mdash;too true; they are all bedevilled," sez he,
+gloomily eyin' the bill.</p>
+
+<p>I allers hated crabs from the time they used to fasten to my bare toes
+down in the old swimmin' hole in the creek. "Wall, you don't want any
+bedevilled crabs, do you?"</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 371px;">
+<img src="images/illus424.png" width="371" height="500" alt="&quot;I allus hated crabs!&quot;" title="&quot;I allus hated crabs!&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"I allus hated crabs!"</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"No," sez I, faintly; for I wuz mortified enough to sink through the
+floor if there had been any sinkin' place, and I whispered, "I'd ruther
+go without any dinner at all than to have you act so."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_415" id="Page_415">[Pg 415]</a></span></p><p>"Oh, no," sez he, loud and positive, "you don't want to go without your
+dinner; you want to be fashionable and cut style&mdash;you want to make a
+show."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, faint as a cat, "I am apt to git my wish."</p>
+
+<p>For three men looked up and laughed, and one girl snickered, besides
+some other wimmen.</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, hunchin' him, "Do be still and less go to our old place."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, no," sez he, speakin' up to the top of his voice, "don't less
+leave; here is such a variety!"</p>
+
+<p>"Potatoes surprise," sez he; "it must be that they are mealy and cooked
+decent; that would be about as much of a surprise as I could have about
+potatoes here, to have 'em biled fit to eat; we'll have some of them,
+anyway.</p>
+
+<p>"Philadelphia caperin'&mdash;I didn't know that Philadelphia caperin' wuz any
+better than Chicago a-caperin' or New York a-caperin'. Veal o just! I
+guess if he had been kicked by calves as much as I have, he wouldn't
+talk so much about their Christian habits.</p>
+
+<p>"Leg of mutton with caper sass&mdash;wall, it is nateral for sheep to caper
+and act sassy, and it is nobody's bizness.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_416" id="Page_416">[Pg 416]</a></span></p><p>"Supreme pinted bogardus&mdash;what in thunder is that? Supreme&mdash;wall, I've
+hearn of a supreme ijiot, and I believe that Bogardus is his name.</p>
+
+<p>"Terrapin a-layin' on Maryland&mdash;I never knew that terrapin wuz a hen
+before, and why is it any better to lay on Maryland than anywhere else?
+Mebby eggs are higher there; wall, Maryland hain't much too big for a
+good-sized hen's nest, nor Rhode Island neither."</p>
+
+<p>"Josiah Allen," I whispered, deep and solemn, "if you don't stop I will
+part with you."</p>
+
+<p>Folks wuz in a full snicker and a giggle by this time.</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, no," sez he, loud and strong, "you don't want to part with me till
+I git you a fashionable dinner, and we both cut style.</p>
+
+<p>"Tenderloin of beef a-tryin' on"&mdash;a-tryin' on what, I'd love to
+know?&mdash;style, most probable, this is such a stylish place."</p>
+
+<p>"Will you be still, Josiah Allen?" sez I, a-layin' holt of his vest.</p>
+
+<p>"No, I won't; I am tryin' to put on style, Samantha, and buy you
+sunthin' stylish to eat."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall, you needn't," sez I; "I have lost my appetite."</p>
+
+<p>"Siberian Punch! Let him come on," sez Josiah; "if I can't use my fists
+equal to any dum Siberian that ever trod shoe leather, then I'll give
+in."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_417" id="Page_417">[Pg 417]</a></span></p><p>Then three wimmen giggled, and the waiters began to look mad and
+troubled.</p>
+
+<p>"English rifles"&mdash;wall, I shouldn't have thought they would have tried
+that agin. No, trifles," sez he, a-lookin' closer at it.</p>
+
+<p>"English trifles!&mdash;lions' tails and coronets, mebby&mdash;English trifles and
+tutty-frutty. Do have some tutty-frutty, Samantha, it has such a stylish
+sound to it, so different from good pork and beans and roast beef; I
+believe you would enjoy it dearly.</p>
+
+<p>"Waiter," sez he, "bring on some tutty-frutty to once."</p>
+
+<p>The waiter approached cautiously, and made a motion to me, and touched
+his forehead.</p>
+
+<p>He thought he wuz crazy, and he whispered to me, "Is it caused by
+drinkin'? or is it nateral and come on sudden&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>Josiah heard it, and answered out loud, "It wuz caused by style, by
+bein' fashionable; my only aim has been to git my wife a fashionable
+dinner, but I see it has overcome her."</p>
+
+<p>The waiter wuz a good-hearted-lookin' man&mdash;a kind heart beat below that
+white necktie (considerable below it on the left side), and sez he to
+me&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Shall I bring you a dinner, Mom, without takin' the order?"</p>
+
+<p>And I replied gratefully&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_418" id="Page_418">[Pg 418]</a></span></p><p>"Yes, so do;" and so he brung it, a good enough dinner for anybody&mdash;good
+roast beef, and potatoes, and lemon pie, and tea, and Josiah eat
+hearty, and had to quiet down some, though he kept a-mournin' all
+through the meal about its not bein' carried on fashionable and stylish,
+and that it wuz my doin's a-breakin' it up, and etc., etc., and the last
+thing a-wantin' tutty-frutty, and etc., etc.</p>
+
+<p>And I paid for the meal out of my own pocket; the waiter thought I had
+to on account of my companion's luny state, and he gin the bill to me.</p>
+
+<p>And Josiah a-chucklin' over it, as I could see, for savin' his money.</p>
+
+<p>And I got him out of that place as quick as I could, the bystanders, or
+ruther the bysetters, a-laughin' or a-lookin' pitiful at me, as their
+naters differed.</p>
+
+<p>And as we wended off down the broad path on the outside, I sez, "You
+have disgraced us forever in the eyes of the nation, Josiah Allen."</p>
+
+<p>And he sez, "What have I done? You can't throw it in my face, Samantha,
+that I hain't tried to cut style&mdash;that I didn't try to git you a stylish
+meal."</p>
+
+<p>I wouldn't say a word further to him, and I never spoke to him once that
+night&mdash;not once, only in the night I thought there wu<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_419" id="Page_419">[Pg 419]</a></span>z a mouse in the
+room, and I forgot myself and called on him for help.</p>
+
+<p>And for three days I didn't pass nothin' but the compliments with him;
+he felt bad&mdash;he worships me. He did it all to keep me from goin' to a
+costl<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_420" id="Page_420">[Pg 420]</a></span>y place&mdash;I know what his motives wuz&mdash;but he had mortified me too
+deep.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XV" id="CHAPTER_XV"></a>CHAPTER XV.</h2>
+
+
+<p>Wall, this mornin' I said that I would go to see the Palace of Art if I
+had to go on my hands and knees.</p>
+
+<p>And Josiah sez, "I guess you'd need a new pair of knees by the time you
+got there."</p>
+
+<p>And I do spoze it wuz milds and milds from where I wuz.</p>
+
+<p>But I only wanted to let Josiah Allen know my cast-iron determination to
+not be put off another minute in payin' my devours to Art.</p>
+
+<p>He see it writ in my mean and didn't make no moves towards breakin' it
+up.</p>
+
+<p>Only he muttered sunthin' about not carin' so much about ile paintin's
+as he did for lots of other things.</p>
+
+<p>But I heeded him not, and sez I, "We will go early in the mornin' before
+any one gits there." But I guess that several hundred thousand other
+folks must have laid on the same plans o<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_421" id="Page_421">[Pg 421]</a></span>vernight, for we found the rooms
+full and runnin' over when we got there.</p>
+
+<p>Before we got to the Art Palace, you'd know you wuz in its neighborhood
+by the beautiful statutes and groups of figgers you'd see all round you.</p>
+
+<p>The buildin' itself is a gem of art, if you can call anything a gem that
+is acres and acres big of itself, and then has immense annexes connected
+with it by broad, handsome corridors on either side.</p>
+
+<p>It is Greek in style, and the dome rises one hundred and twenty-five
+feet and is surmounted by Martiny's wonderful winged Victory.</p>
+
+<p>Another female is depictered standin' on top of the globe with wreaths
+in her outstretched hands.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, I hope the figger is symbolical, and I believe in my soul she is!</p>
+
+<p>You enter this palace by four great portals, beautiful with sculptured
+figgers and ornaments, and as you go on in the colonnade you see
+beautiful paintin's illustratin' the rise and progress of Art.</p>
+
+<p>And way up on the outside, on what they call the freeze of the buildin'
+(and good land! I don't see what they wuz a-thinkin' on, for I wuz jest
+a-meltin' down where I wuz, and it must have been hotter up there).</p>
+
+<p>But that's their way.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_422" id="Page_422">[Pg 422]</a></span></p><p>Wall, way up there and on the pediment of the principal entrances are
+sculptures and portraits of the ancient masters of Art in relief.</p>
+
+<p>In relief? That's what they called it, and I spoze them old men must
+felt real relieved and contented to be sot down there in such a grand
+place, and so riz up like. You could see plain by their liniments how
+glad and proud they wuz to be in Chicago, a-lookin' down on that seen of
+beauty all round 'em. Lookin' down on the terraces richly ornamented
+with balustrades&mdash;down over the immense flight of steps down into the
+blue water, with its flocks of steam lanches, and gondolas, like gay
+birds of passage, settled down there ready for flight.</p>
+
+<p>All the light in this buildin' comes down through immense skylights.</p>
+
+<p>There is no danger of folks a-fallin' out of the winders or havin'
+anybody peek in unless it is the man in the moon.</p>
+
+<p>All round this vast room is a gallery forty feet wide, where you could
+lock arms and promenade, and talk about hens.</p>
+
+<p>But you wouldn't want to, I don't believe. You'd want to spend every
+minute a-feastin' your eyes on the Best of the World.</p>
+
+<p>All along the floors of the nave and transepts are displayed the most
+beautiful sculptures that wuz ever sculped in any part of the world,
+while t<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_423" id="Page_423">[Pg 423]</a></span>he walls are covered with paintin's and sculptured panels in
+relief.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_424" id="Page_424">[Pg 424]</a></span></p><p>That's what they call 'em, because it's such a relief for folks to set
+down and look at 'em.</p>
+
+<p>Between the promenades and naves and transepts are the smaller rooms,
+where the private collections of picters are kep and the works of the
+different Art Schools, and the four corners are filled with smaller
+picter galleries.</p>
+
+<p>Why, to go through jest one of them annexes, let alone the palace
+itself, would take a week if you examined 'em as you ort to. Josiah told
+me that mornin', with a encouraged look onto his face&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Samantha, after we've seen all the ile paintin's we'll go somewhere,
+and have a good time."</p>
+
+<p>"But good land! see all the ile paintin's!"</p>
+
+<p>Why, as I told him after we'd wandered through there for hours and
+hours, sez I, "If we spent every minute of the hull summer we couldn't
+do justice to 'em all."</p>
+
+<p>And we couldn't. Why, it has been all calculated out by a good
+calculator, that spend one minute to a picter, and it would take
+twenty-six days to go through 'em. And good land! what is one minute to
+some of the picters you see. Why, half a day wuzn't none too long to
+pour over some on 'em, and when I say pour, I mean pour, for I see
+dozens of folks weepin' quite hard before some on 'em.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus434.png" width="500" height="343"
+alt="I see dozens of folks weepin&#39; quite hard before some on &#39;em."
+title="I see dozens of folks weepin&#39; quite hard before some on &#39;em." />
+<span class="caption">I see dozens of folks weepin' quite hard before some on 'em.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_425" id="Page_425">[Pg 425]</a></span></p>
+<p>For these picters wuzn't picked out haphazard all over the country. No,
+they had to, every one on 'em, run the gantlet of the most severe and
+close criticism.</p>
+
+<p>The Jury of Admittance stood in front of that gallery, and over it, as
+you may say, like the very finest and strongest wire sieve, a-strainin'
+out all but the finest and clearest merits. No dregs could git
+through&mdash;not a dreg.</p>
+
+<p>I guess that hain't a very good metafor, and if I wuzn't in such a hurry
+I'd look round and try to find a better one, not knowin', too, but what
+that Jury of Admittance will feel mad as hens at me to be compared to
+sieves; but I don't mean the common wire ones, such as tin-peddlers
+sell. No, I mean the searchin' and elevatin' process by which the very
+best of our country and the hull world wuz separated from the less
+meritorious ones, and spread out there for the inspiration and delight
+of the assembled nations.</p>
+
+<p>And wuzn't it a sight what wuz to be found there!</p>
+
+<p>Landscapes from every land on the globe&mdash;from Lapland to the Orient.
+Tropical forests, with soft southern faces lookin' out of the verdant
+shadows. Frozen icebergs, with fur-clad figgers with stern aspects, and
+grizzly bears and ice-suckles.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_426" id="Page_426">[Pg 426]</a></span></p>
+<p>Bits of the beauty of all climes under all skies, dark or sunny.
+Mountains, trees, valleys, forests, plains and prairies, palaces and
+huts, ships, boats and balloons. The beauty and the sadness of every
+season of the year, beautiful faces, inspired faces, humbly faces,
+strikin' powerful means, and mean cowardly sly liniments looked out on
+every side of us.</p>
+
+<p>Picters illustratin' every phase of human life, in every corner of the
+globe, from birth to death, from kingly prosperity and luxurious ease to
+prisons and scaffolds, the throne, the hospital, the convent, the
+pulpit, the monastery, the home, the battle-field, the mid-ocean, and
+the sheltered way, and Heaven and Hell, and Life and Death.</p>
+
+<p>Every seen and spot the human mind had ever conceived wuz here
+depictered.</p>
+
+<p>Every emotion man or woman ever felt, every inspiration that ever
+possessed their soul, every joy and every grief that ever lifted or
+bowed down their heads wuz here depictered.</p>
+
+<p>And seens from the literature of every land wuz illustrated, the world
+of matter, the world of mind, all their secrets laid bare to the eyes of
+the admirin' nations.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz a sight&mdash;a sight!</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_427" id="Page_427">[Pg 427]</a></span></p><p>Gallery after gallery, room after room did we wander through till the
+gorgeous colorin' seemed to dye our very thoughts and emotions, and I
+looked at Josiah in a kinder mixed-up, lofty way, as if he wuz a ile
+paintin' or a statute, and he looked at me almost as if he considered me
+a chromo.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz a time not to be forgot as long as memory sets up high on her
+high throne.</p>
+
+<p>Room after room, gallery after gallery, beauty dazzlin' us on every
+side, and lameness and twinges of rumatiz a-harassin' us in our four
+extremities.</p>
+
+<p>Why, the sight seemed so endless and so immense, that some of the time
+we felt like two needles in a haymow, a haymow made up of a vision of
+loveliness, and the two little needles feelin' fairly tuckered out, and
+blunted, and browbeat.</p>
+
+<p>Why, we got so kinder bewildered and carried away, that some of the time
+I couldn't tell whether the masterpiece I wuz a-devourin' with my eyes
+come from Germany or Jonesville, from France or Shackville, from Holland
+or from Zoar, up in the upper part of Lyme.</p>
+
+<p>Of course amongst that endless display there wuz some picters that
+struck such hard blows at the heart and fancy that you can't forgit 'em
+if you wanted to, which most probable you don't.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_428" id="Page_428">[Pg 428]</a></span></p><p>And now, in thinkin' back on 'em, I can't sort 'em out and lay 'em down
+where they belong and mark 'em 1, 2, 3, 4, and etcetry, as I'd ort to.</p>
+
+<p>But I'm jest as likely to let my mind jump right from what I see at the
+entrance to sunthin' that I see way to the latter end of the buildin',
+and visa versa.</p>
+
+<p>It kinder worries me. I love to even meditate and allegore with some
+degree of order and system, but I can't here. I must allegore and
+meditate on 'em jest as they come, and truly a-thinkin' on these
+picters, I feel as Hosey Bigelow ust to say:</p>
+
+<p>"I can't tell what's comin'&mdash;gall or honey."</p>
+
+<p>But some of them picters and statutes made perfect dents in my memory,
+and can't be smoothed out agin nohow.</p>
+
+<p>There wuz one little figger jest at the entrance where we went in, "The
+Young Acrobat," that impressed me dretfully.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz a man's hand and arm that wuz a-risin' up out of a pedestal, and
+on the hand wuz set the cutest little baby you ever see. I guess it wuz
+the first time that he'd ever sot up anywhere out of the cradle or his
+ma's arms.</p>
+
+<p>He looked some skairt, and some proud, and too cunnin' for anything, as
+I hearn remarked by a few hundred female wimmen that day.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_429" id="Page_429">[Pg 429]</a></span></p><p>And like as not it is jest like my incoherence in revery that from that
+little baby my mind would spring right on to the French exhibit to that
+noble statute of Jennie D. Ark, kneelin' there with her clasped hands
+and her eyes lifted as if she wuz a-sayin': "I <i>did</i> hear the voices!"</p>
+
+<p>And so she did hear the language of Heaven, and the dull souls around
+her wuz too earthly to comprehend the divine harmonies, and so they
+burnt her up for it.</p>
+
+<p>Lots of folks are burnt up in different fires to-day, for the same
+thing.</p>
+
+<p>Then mebby my mind will jest jump to the "Age of Iron" or to the
+"Secrets of the Tomb," or "The Eagle and the Vulture," or "Washington
+and Lafayette," or "Charity"&mdash;a good-lookin' creeter she wuz&mdash;she could
+think of other children besides her own; or mebby it will jump right
+over onto the "Indian Buffalo Hunt"&mdash;a horse a-rarin' right up to git
+rid of a buffalo that wuz a-pressin' right in under its forelegs.</p>
+
+<p>I don't see how that hunter could stay on his back&mdash;I couldn't&mdash;to say
+nothin' to shootin' the arrows into the critter as he's a-doin'.</p>
+
+<p>Or mebby my mind'll jump right over to the "Soldier of Marathon," or
+"Eve," no knowin' at all where my thoughts will take me amongst them
+noble marble figgers.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_430" id="Page_430">[Pg 430]</a></span></p><p>And as for picters, my revery on 'em now is a perfect sight; a show as
+good as a panorama is a-goin' on in my fore-top now when I let my
+thoughts take their full swing on them picters.</p>
+
+<p>Amongst them that struck the hardest blows on my fancy wuz them that
+told stories that touched the heart.</p>
+
+<p>There wuz one in the Holland exhibit, called "Alone in the World," a
+picter that rousted up my feelin's to a almost alarmin' extent. It wuz a
+picter by Josef Israel.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz a sight to see how this picter touched the hearts of the people.
+No grandeur about it, but it held the soul of things&mdash;pathos,
+heart-breakin' sorrow.</p>
+
+<p>A peasant had come home to his bare-lookin' cottage, and found his wife
+dead in her bed.</p>
+
+<p>He didn't rave round and act, and strike an attitude. No, he jest turned
+round and sot there on his hard stool, with his hands on his knees,
+a-facin' the bare future.</p>
+
+<p>The hull of the desolation of that long life of emptiness and grief that
+he sees stretch out before him without her, that he had loved and lost,
+wuz in the man's grief-stricken face.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz that face that made up the loss and the strength of the picter.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_431" id="Page_431">[Pg 431]</a></span></p>
+<p>I cried and wept in front of it, and cried and wept. I thought what if
+that wuz Josiah that sot there with that agony in his face, and that
+desolation in his heart, and I couldn't comfort him&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Couldn't say to him: "Josiah, we'll bear it together."</p>
+
+<p>I wuz fearful overcome.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus442.png" width="500" height="435" alt="I cried and wept in front of it, and cried and wept." title="I cried and wept in front of it, and cried and wept." />
+<span class="caption">I cried and wept in front of it, and cried and wept.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>And then there wuz another picter called "Breakin' Home Ties."</p>
+
+<p>A crowd always stood before that.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz a boy jest a-settin' out to seek his fortune. The breakfast-table
+still stood in the room. The old grandma a-settin' there still; time had
+dulled her vision for lookin' forwar<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_432" id="Page_432">[Pg 432]</a></span>d. She wuz a-lookin' into the past,
+into the realm that had held so many partin's for her, and mebby
+lookin' way over the present into the land of meetin's.</p>
+
+<p>The little girl with her hand on the old dog is too small to fully
+realize what it all means.</p>
+
+<p>But in the mother's face you can see the full meanin' of the
+partin'&mdash;the breakin' of the old ties that bound her boy so fast to her
+in the past.</p>
+
+<p>The lettin' him go out into the evil world without her lovin'
+watchfulness and love. All the love that would fain go with him&mdash;all the
+admonition that she would fain give him&mdash;all the love and all the hope
+she feels for him is writ in her gentle face.</p>
+
+<p>As for the boy, anticipation and dread are writ on his mean, but the man
+is waitin' impatient outside to take him away. The partin' must come.</p>
+
+<p>You turn away, glad you can't see that last kiss.</p>
+
+<p>Then there wuz "Holy Night," the Christ Child, with its father and
+mother, and some surroundin' worshippers of both sects.</p>
+
+<p>Mary's face held all the sweetness and strength you'd expect to see in
+the mother of our Lord. And Joseph looked real well too&mdash;quite well.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah said that "the halos round his head and Mary's looked some like
+big white plates."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_433" id="Page_433">[Pg 433]</a></span></p><p>But I sez, "You hain't much of a judge of halos, anyway. Mebby if you
+should try to make a few halos you'd speak better of 'em."</p>
+
+<p>I often think this in the presence of critics, mebby if they should lay
+holt and paint a few picters, they wouldn't find fault with 'em so glib.
+It looks real mean to me to see folks find so much fault with what they
+can't do half so well themselves.</p>
+
+<p>Then there wuz the wimmen at the tomb of the Christ. The door is open,
+the Angel is begenin' for 'em to enter.</p>
+
+<p>In the faces of them weepin', waitin' wimmen is depictered the very
+height and depth of sorrow. You can't see the face of one on 'em, but
+her poster gives the impression of absolute grief and loss.</p>
+
+<p>The quiverin' lips seems formin' the words&mdash;"Farwell, farwell, best
+beloved."</p>
+
+<p>Deathless love shines through the eyes streamin' with tears.</p>
+
+<p>In the British section there wuz one picter that struck such a deep blow
+onto my heart that its strings hain't got over vibratin' still.</p>
+
+<p>They send back some of them deep, thrillin' echoes every time I think
+on't in the day-time or wake up in the night and think on't.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz "Love and Death," and wuz painted by Mr. Watts, of London.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_434" id="Page_434">[Pg 434]</a></span></p><p>It showed a home where Love had made its sweet restin'-place&mdash;vines grew
+up round the pleasant door-way, emblematic of how the heart's deep
+affection twined round the spot.</p>
+
+<p>But in the door-way stood a mighty form, veiled and shadowy, but
+relentless. It has torn the vines down, they lay witherin' at its feet.
+It wuz bound to enter.</p>
+
+<p>Though you couldn't see the face of this veiled shape, a mysterious,
+dretful atmosphere darkened and surrounded it, and you knew that its
+name wuz Death.</p>
+
+<p>Love stood in the door-way, vainly a-tryin' to keep it out, but you
+could see plain how its pleadin', implorin' hand, extended out a-tryin'
+to push the figger away, wuz a-goin' to be swept aside by the
+inexorable, silent shape.</p>
+
+<p>Death when he goes up on a door-step and pauses before a door has got to
+enter, and Love can't push it away. No, it can only git its wings torn
+off and trompled on in the vain effort.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz a dretful impressive picter, one that can't be forgot while life
+remains.</p>
+
+<p>On the opposite wall wuz Crane's noble picter, "Freedom;" I stood before
+that for some time nearly lost and by the side of myself. Crane did
+first-rate; I'd a been glad to have told him so&mdash;it would a been so
+encouragin' to him.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_435" id="Page_435">[Pg 435]</a></span></p>
+<p>Then there wuz another picter in the English section called "The
+Passing of Arthur" that rousted up deep emotions.</p>
+
+<p>I'd hearn Thomas J. read so much about Arthur, and that round extension
+table of hisen, that I seemed to be well acquainted with him and his
+mates.</p>
+
+<p>I knew that he had a dretful hard time on't, what with his wife
+a-fallin' in love with another man&mdash;which is always hard to bear&mdash;and
+etcetry. And I always approved of his doin's.</p>
+
+<p>He never tried to go West to git a divorce. No; he merely sez to her,
+when she knelt at his feet a-wantin' to make up with him, he sez, "Live
+so that in Heaven thou shalt be Arthur's true wife, and not another's."</p>
+
+<p>I'll bet that shamed Genevere, and made her feel real bad.</p>
+
+<p>And his death-bed always seemed dretful pathetic to me.</p>
+
+<p>And here it wuz all painted out. The boat floatin' out on the pale
+golden green light, and Arthur a-layin' there with the three queens
+a-weepin' over him. A-floatin' on to the island valley of Avilion,
+"Where falls not hail nor rain, nor any snow."</p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz a picter by Whistler, called "The Princess of the
+Land of Porcelain."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_436" id="Page_436">[Pg 436]</a></span></p><p>You couldn't really tell why that slender little figger in the long
+trailin' silken robes, and the deep dark eyes, and vivid red lips
+should take such a holt on you.</p>
+
+<p>But she did, and that face peers out of Memory-aisles time and time
+agin, and you wake up a-thinkin' on her in the night.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Whistler must a been dretful interested himself in the Lady of the
+Land of Porcelain, or he couldn't have interested other folks so.</p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz another by Mr. Whistler, called "The Lady of the
+Yellow Buskin."</p>
+
+<p>A poem of glowin' color and life.</p>
+
+<p>And right there nigh by wuz one by Mr. Chase, jest about as good. The
+name on't wuz "Alice."</p>
+
+<p>I believe Alice Ben Bolt looked some like her when she wuz of the same
+age, you know&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>
+"Sweet Alice, whose hair was so brown,<br />
+Who wept with delight when Mr. Ben Bolt gin her a smile;<br />
+And trembled with fear at Mr. Ben Boltses frown."<br />
+</p>
+
+<p>She ort to had more gumption than that; but I always liked her.</p>
+
+<p>Elihu Vedder's picters rousted up deep emotions in my soul&mdash;jest about
+the deepest I have got, and the most mysterious and weird.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_437" id="Page_437">[Pg 437]</a></span></p><p>Other artists may paint the outside of things, but he goes deeper, and
+paints the emotions of the soul that are so deep that you don't hardly
+know yourself that you've got them of that variety.</p>
+
+<p>In lookin' through these picters of hisen illustratin' that old Persian
+poem, "Omer Kyham"&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Why, I have had from eighty to a hundred emotions right along for half a
+day at a time.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Vedder had here "A Soul in Bondage," "The Young Marysus and
+Morning," and "Delila and Sampson," and several others remarkably
+impressive.</p>
+
+<p>And Mr. Sargent's "Mother and Child" looked first-rate in its cool, soft
+colors. They put me in mind a good deal of Tirzah Ann and Babe.</p>
+
+<p>And "The Delaware Valley" and "A Gray Lowery Day," by Mr. George Inness,
+impressed me wonderfully. Many a day like it have I passed through in
+Jonesville.</p>
+
+<p>"Hard Times," also in a American department, wuz dretful impressive. A
+man and a woman wuz a-standin' in the hard, dusty road.</p>
+
+<p>His face looked as though all the despair, and care, and perplexities of
+the hard times wuz depictered in it.</p>
+
+<p>He wuz stalkin' along as if he had forgot everything but his trouble.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_438" id="Page_438">[Pg 438]</a></span></p><p>And I presoom that he'd had a dretful hard time on't&mdash;dretful. He
+couldn't git no work, mebby, and wuz obleeged to stand and see his
+family starve and suffer round him.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, he wuz a-walkin' along with his hands in his empty pockets and his
+eyes bent towards the ground.</p>
+
+<p>But the woman, though her face looked haggard, and fur wanner than
+hissen, yet she wuz a-lookin' back and reachin' out her arms towards the
+children that wuz a-comin' along fur back. One of 'em wuz a-cryin', I
+guess. His ma hadn't nothin' but love to give him, but you could see
+that she wuz a-givin' him that liberal.</p>
+
+<p>And Durant's "Spanish Singing Girl" rousted up a sight of admiration;
+she wuz <i>very</i> good-lookin'&mdash;looked a good deal like my son's wife.</p>
+
+<p>Well, in the Russian Department (and jest see how my revery flops about,
+clear from America to Russia at one jump)&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>There wuz a picter there of a boat in a storm.</p>
+
+<p>And on that boat is thrown a vivid ray of sunshine. You'd think that it
+wuz the real thing, and that you could warm your fingers at it, but it
+hain't&mdash;it is only painted sunshine. But it beats all I ever see; I
+wouldn't hesitate for a minute to use it for a noon-mark.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_439" id="Page_439">[Pg 439]</a></span></p><p>In the German Exhibit wuz as awful a picter as I want to see. It was
+Julia, old Mr. Serviuses girl&mdash;Miss Tarquin that now is&mdash;a-ridin' over
+her pa and killin' him a purpose, so she could git his property.</p>
+
+<p>To see Miss Tarquin, that wicked, wicked creeter, a-doin' that wicked
+act, is enough to make a perfect race of old maids and bacheldors.</p>
+
+<p>The idea of havin' a lot of children to take care on and then be rid
+over by 'em!</p>
+
+<p>But I shall always believe that she wuz put up to it by the Tarquin
+boys. I never liked 'em&mdash;they wuzn't likely.</p>
+
+<p>But the picter is a sight&mdash;dretful big and skairful.</p>
+
+<p>And in that section is a beautiful picter by Fritz Uhele, whose figgers,
+folks say, are the best in the world.</p>
+
+<p>"The Angels Appearing to the Shepherds."</p>
+
+<p>Oh, what glowin' faces the angels had! You read in 'em what the
+shepherds did:</p>
+
+<p>"Love, Good Will to Man."</p>
+
+<p>There wuz some little picters there about six inches square, and marked:</p>
+
+<p>"Little Picters for a Child's Album."</p>
+
+<p>And Josiah sez to me, "I believe I'll buy one of 'em for Babe's album
+that I got her last Christmas."</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, "I've got ten cents in change, but probable," sez he, "it won't
+be over eight cents."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_440" id="Page_440">[Pg 440]</a></span></p>
+<p>Sez I, "Don't be too sanguine, Josiah Allen."</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, "I am never sanguinary without good horse sense to back it up.
+They throwed in a chromo three feet square with the last calico dress
+you bought at Jonesville, and this hain't over five or six inches big."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "buy it if you want to."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez he, "that's what I lay out to do, mom."</p>
+
+<p>So he accosted a Columbus Guard that stood nigh, and sez he&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I'm a-goin' to buy that little picter, and I want to know if I can take
+it home now in my vest pocket?"</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus452.png" width="500" height="338"
+alt="&quot;I&#39;m a-goin&#39; to buy that little picter, and I want to know if I can take it home now?&quot;"
+title="&quot;I&#39;m a-goin&#39; to buy that little picter, and I want to know if I can take it home now?&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"'m a-goin' to buy that little picter, and I want to know if I can take it home now in my vest pocket?"</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"That picter," sez he, "is twenty thousand dollars. It is owned by the
+German National Gallery, and is loaned by them," and sez he, with a
+ready flow of knowledge inherent to them Guards, "the artist, Adolph
+Menzel, is to German art what Meissonier is to the French. His picters
+are all bought by the National Gallery, and bring enormous sums."</p>
+
+<p>Josiah almost swooned away. Nothin' but pride kep him up&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>I didn't say nothin' to add to his mortification. Only I simply said&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Babe will prize that picter, Josiah Allen."</p>
+
+<p>And he sez, "Be a fool if you want to; I'm a-goin' to git sunthin' to
+eat."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_442" id="Page_442">[Pg 442]</a></span></p><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_441" id="Page_441">[Pg 441]</a></span></p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus453.png" width="500" height="361"
+alt="&quot;Be a fool if you want to.&quot;"
+title="&quot;Be a fool if you want to.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"Be a fool if you want to."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>And he hurried me along at almost a dog-trot, but I would stop to look
+at a "Spring Day in Bavaria," and the "Fish Market in Amsterdam," and
+the "Nun," and some others, I would&mdash;they wuz all beautiful in the
+extreme.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, after we come back into the gallery agin, the first picter we went
+to see wuz "Christ Before Pilate," by Mr. Muncaxey.</p>
+
+<p>There He stood, the Man of Sorrows, with His tall figure full of patient
+dignity, and His face full of love, and pity, and anguish, all bent into
+a indescribable majesty and power.</p>
+
+<p>His hands wuz bound, He stood there the centre of that sneering,
+murderous crowd of priests and pharisees. On every side of Him He would
+meet a look of hate and savage exultation in His misery.</p>
+
+<p>And He, like a lamb before the shearers, wuz dumb, bearing patiently the
+sins and sorrows of a world.</p>
+
+<p>The fate of a universe looked out of His deep, sweet eyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_443" id="Page_443">[Pg 443]</a></span></p><p>He could bear it all&mdash;the hate, all the ignominy, the cruel death
+drawin' so near&mdash;He could bear it all through love and pity&mdash;the
+highest heights love ever went, and the deepest pity.</p>
+
+<p>Only one face out of that jeerin', evil crowd had a look of pity on't,
+and that wuz the one woman in the throng, and she held a child in her
+arms.</p>
+
+<p>Mebby Love had taught her the secret of Grief.</p>
+
+<p>Anyway, she looked as if she pitied Him and would have loosed His bonds
+if she could. It wuz a dretful impressive picter, one that touched the
+most sacred feelin's of the beholder.</p>
+
+<p>There wuz a great fuss made over Alma Tadema's picter of "Crowning
+Bachus."</p>
+
+<p>But I didn't approve on't.</p>
+
+<p>The girls' figgers in it wuz very beautiful, with the wonderful floatin'
+hair of red gold crowned with roses.</p>
+
+<p>But I wanted to tell them girls that after they got Mr. Bachus all
+crowned, he'd turn on 'em, and jest as like as not pull out hull
+handfuls of that golden hair, and kick at 'em, and act.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Bachus is a villain of the deepest dye. I felt jest like warnin'
+'em.</p>
+
+<p>I like Miss Tadema's picters enough sight better&mdash;pretty little girls
+playin' innocent games, and dreamin' sweet fancies By the Fireside.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_444" id="Page_444">[Pg 444]</a></span></p><p>"The Flaggalants," by Carl Marr, is a enormous big picter, but fearful
+to look at.</p>
+
+<p>It made me feel real bad to see how them men wuz a-hurtin' their own
+selves. They hadn't ort to.</p>
+
+<p>Another picter by the same artist, called "A Summer Afternoon," I liked
+as well agin; the soul of the pleasant summer-time looked out of that
+picter, and the faces of the wimmen and children in it.</p>
+
+<p>The little one clingin' to its mother's hand and feedin' the chickens
+looked cute enough to kiss. She favored Babe a good deal in her looks.</p>
+
+<p>"The Cemetery in Delmatia" and the "Market Scene in Cairo," by Leopold
+Muller, struck hard blows onto my fancy. And so did three by Madame
+Weisenger&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Mornin' by the Sea-shore," "Breakfast in the Country," and "The
+Laundress of the Mountain."</p>
+
+<p>"Christ and the Children," by Julius Schmid, wuz beautiful as could be.</p>
+
+<p>And so wuz "The Death of Autumn," by Franz Pensinger&mdash;they held in 'em
+all the sadly glorious beauty of the closing year.</p>
+
+<p>"The Three Beggars of Cordova," by Edwin Weeks, wuz dretful interestin'.</p>
+
+<p>Them tramps set there lookin' so sassy, and lazy, nateral as life. Lots
+of jest such ones have importuned me for food on my Jonesville
+door-step.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus456.png" width="500" height="340"
+alt="Them tramps set there lookin&#39; so sassy and lazy, nateral as life."
+title="Them tramps set there lookin&#39; so sassy and lazy, nateral as life." />
+<span class="caption">Them tramps set there lookin' so sassy and lazy, nateral as life.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_446" id="Page_446">[Pg 446]</a></span></p><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_445" id="Page_445">[Pg 445]</a></span></p>
+<p>Then he had two Hindoo fakirs that wuz real interestin'. The fur-off
+Indian city, the river, and the fakir a-layin' in the boat, tired out, I
+presoom, a-makin' folks stand up in the air, and climb up ladders into
+Nowhere, and eatin' swords, and eatin' fire, and etcetry.</p>
+
+<p>He wuz beat out, and no wonder. The colorin' of this picter is superb.</p>
+
+<p>And so wuz his "Persian Horse Dealers" and others.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Melcher's "Sermon" and "Communion" wuz very impressive, as nateral
+as the meetin'-housen and congregation at Jonesville and Zoar.</p>
+
+<p>In the Holland Exhibit wuz all kinds of clouds painted&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Clouds a-layin' low in sombre piles, and clouds with the sun almost
+a-shinin' through 'em. Wonderful effects as I ever see.</p>
+
+<p>And I wuz a-lookin' at a picter there so glowin' and beautiful that it
+seemed to hold in it the very secret of summer. The heart fire and glow
+of summer shone through its fine atmosphere. And sez I, "Josiah, did you
+ever see anything like it?"</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, yes," sez he; "it's quite fair."</p>
+
+<p>"Fair!" sez I; "can't you say sunthin' more than that?"</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_447" id="Page_447">[Pg 447]</a></span></p>
+<p>"Wall, from fair to middlin', then," sez he.</p>
+
+<p>"But for real beauty," sez he, "give me them picters made in corn, and
+oats, and beans. Give me that Dakota cow made out of grain, with a tail
+of timothy grass, and straw legs, and corn ear horns. There is real
+beauty," sez he.</p>
+
+<p>"Or that picter in the State Buildin' of the hull farm made in seeds.
+The old bean farm-house, and barley well-sweep, and the fields bounded
+with corn twig fences, and horses made of silk-weed, and manes and tales
+of corn-silk&mdash;there is beauty," sez he.</p>
+
+<p>"And as for statutes, I'd ruther see one of them figgers that Miss
+Brooks of Nebraska makes out of butter than a hull carload of marble
+figgers."</p>
+
+<p>I sithed a deep, curious sithe, and he went on:</p>
+
+<p>"Why," sez he, "it stands to reason they're more valuable; what good
+would the stun be to you if a marble statute got smashed? A dead loss on
+your hands.</p>
+
+<p>"But let one of her Iolanthes git knocked over and broke to pieces, why
+there you are, good, solid butter, worth 30 cents of any man's money.</p>
+
+<p>"Give me statuary that is ornamental in prosperity, and that you can eat
+up if reverses come to you," sez he.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_448" id="Page_448">[Pg 448]</a></span></p><p>"Why," sez he, "there is one hundred kinds of grain in that one model
+farm of Illinois.</p>
+
+<p>"Now, if that picter should git torn to pieces by a cyclone, what would
+a ile paintin' be? A dead loss.</p>
+
+<p>"But that grain farm-house, what food for hens that would make&mdash;such a
+variety. Why, the hens would jest pour out eggs fed on the ruins of that
+farm.</p>
+
+<p>"Give me beauty and economy hitched together in one team."</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus459.png" width="500" height="534"
+alt="&quot;What food for hens that would make.&quot;"
+title="&quot;What food for hens that would make.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"What food for hens that would make."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>I sithed, and the sithe wuz deep, almost like a groan, and sez I&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"You tire me, Josiah Allen&mdash;you tire me almost to death."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez he, "I'm talkin' good horse sense."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "I should think it wuz animal sense of some kind&mdash;nothin'
+spiritual about it and riz up."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez he, "you'll see five hundred folks a-standin' round and
+praisin' up them seed picters where there is one that gits carried away
+as you do over Wattses 'Love and Death' and Elihu Vedder's dum picters."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, in a tired-out axent, "that don't prove anything, Josiah
+Allen. The multitude chose Barrabus to the Divine One.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_449" id="Page_449">[Pg 449]</a></span></p>
+<p>"Not," sez I reasonably, "that I would want to compare the seed picters
+and the butter females to a robber.</p>
+
+<p>"They're extremely curious and interestin' to look at, and wonderful in
+their way as anything in the hull Exposition.</p>
+
+<p>"But," sez I, "there is a height and a depth in the soul that them
+butter figgers can't touch&mdash;no, nor the pop-corn trees can't reach that
+height with their sorghum branches. It lays fur beyond the switchin'
+timothy tail of that seed horse or the wavin' raisen mane of that prune
+charger. It is a realm," sez I, "that I fear you will never stand in,
+Josiah Allen."</p>
+
+<p>"No, indeed," sez he; "and I don't want to. I hain't no desires that
+way."</p>
+
+<p>Again I sithed, and we walked off into another gallery.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, I might write and keep a-writin' from Fourth of July to Christmas
+Eve, and then git up Christmas mornin' and say truly that the half
+hadn't been told of what we see there, and so what is the use of tryin'
+to relate it in this epistle.</p>
+
+<p>But suffice it to say that we stayed there all day long, and that night
+we meandered home perfectly wore out, and perfectly riz up in our two
+minds, or at least <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_450" id="Page_450">[Pg 450]</a></span>I wuz. Josiah's feelin's seemed to be clear fag, jest
+plain wore out fag.</p>
+
+<p>The nights are always cool in Chicago&mdash;that is, if the weather is
+anyways comfortable durin' the day.</p>
+
+<p>And this night it wuz so cool that a good woollen blanket and bedspread
+wuz none too much for comfort.</p>
+
+<p>And it wuz with a sithe of contentment that I lay down on my peaceful
+goose-feather pillow, and drawed the blankets up over my weary frame and
+sunk to sleep.</p>
+
+<p>I had been to sleep I know not how long when a angry, excited voice
+wakened me. It said, "Lay down, can't you!"</p>
+
+<p>I hearn it as one in a dream. I couldn't sense where I wuz nor who wuz
+talkin', when agin I hearn&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Dum it all! why can't you fall as you ort to?"</p>
+
+<p>Wuz some struggle a-goin' on in my room? The bed wuz in an alcove, and I
+could not see the place from where the voice proceeded.</p>
+
+<p>I reached my hand out. My worst apprehensions wuz realized. Josiah wuz
+not there.</p>
+
+<p>Wuz some one a-killin' him, and a-orderin' him to lay still and fall as
+he ort to?</p>
+
+<p>Wuz such boldness in crime possible?</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_451" id="Page_451">[Pg 451]</a></span></p><p>I raised my head and looked out into the room, and then with a wild
+shriek I covered up my head. Then I discovered that there wuz only one
+thin sheet over me.</p>
+
+<p>The sight I had seen had driv' the blood in my veins all back to my
+heart.</p>
+
+<p>A tall white figger wuz a-standin' before the glass, draped from head to
+foot in heavy white drapery.</p>
+
+<p>I'd often turned it over in my mind in hours of ease which I'd ruther
+have appear to me in the night&mdash;a burglar or a ghost.</p>
+
+<p>And now in the tumultous beatin's of my heart I owned up that I would
+ruther a hundred times it would be a burglar.</p>
+
+<p>Anything seemed to me better than to be alone at night with a ghost.</p>
+
+<p>But anon, as I quaked and trembled under that sheet, the voice spoke
+agin&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Samantha, are you awake?" And I sprung up in bed agin, and sez I&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Josiah Allen, where are you? Oh, save me, Josiah! save me!"</p>
+
+<p>The white figger turned. "Save you from what, Samantha? Is there a mouse
+under the bed, or is it a spider, or what?"</p>
+
+<p>"Who be you?" sez I, almost incoherently. "Be you a ghost? Oh, Josiah,
+Josiah!" And I sunk b<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_452" id="Page_452">[Pg 452]</a></span>ack onto the pillow and busted into tears. The
+relief wuz too great.</p>
+
+<p>But anon Wonder seized the place that Fear had held in my frame, and
+dried up the tear-drops, and I sprung up agin and sez&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"What be you a-doin', Josiah Allen, rigged up as you be in the middle of
+the night, with the lights all a-burnin'?"</p>
+
+<p>For every gas jet in the room was a-blazin' high.</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, "I am posin' for a statute, Samantha."</p>
+
+<p>And come to look closter, I see he had took off the blanket and
+bedspread and had swathed 'em round his form some like a toga.</p>
+
+<p>And I see it wuz them that he wuz apostrofizin' and orderin' to lay down
+in folds and fall graceful.</p>
+
+<p>And somehow the idee of his takin' the bedclothes offen me seemed to mad
+me about as much as his foolishness and vanity did.</p>
+
+<p>And sez I, "Do you take off them bedclothes offen you, and put 'em back
+agin, and come to bed!"</p>
+
+<p>But he didn't heed me, he went on with his vain doin's and actin'.</p>
+
+<p>"I am impersonatin' Apollo!" sez he, a-layin' his head onto one side and
+a-lookin' at me over his shoulder in a kind of a languishin' way.</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, a-liftin' his heel, and holdin' it up a little ways, "I did
+think I would be Mercury, but I hadn't any wing handy for m<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_454" id="Page_454">[Pg 454]</a></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_453" id="Page_453">[Pg 453]</a></span>y off heel. I
+would be strikin' as Mercury," sez he, "but I think I would be at my
+best as Apollo. What do you think I had better be, Samantha?"</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus464.png" width="500" height="351"
+alt="&quot;I would be strikin&#39; as Mercury, but I think I would be at my best as Apollo.&quot;"
+title="&quot;I would be strikin&#39; as Mercury, but I think I would be at my best as Apollo.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"I would be strikin' as Mercury, but I think I would be at my best as Apollo."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"A loonatick would strike me as the right thing, Josiah Allen, or an
+idiot from birth.</p>
+
+<p>"Or," sez I, speakin' more ironicler as my fear died away, leavin' in
+its void a great madness and tiredness, "if you'd brung your scythe
+along you might personate Old Father Time."</p>
+
+<p>I guess this kinder madded him, and sez he, "Don't you want to pose,
+Samantha?</p>
+
+<p>"Don't you want to be the Witch of Endor?" sez he.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez I, "I'd love to! If I <i>wuz</i> her you'd see sights in this room
+that would bow your old bald head in horrow, and drive you, vain old
+creeter that you be, back where you belong."</p>
+
+<p>He wuz afraid he'd gone too fur, and sez he, "Mebby you'd ruther be
+Venus, Samantha? Mebby you'd ruther appear in the nude?"</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, coldly, "I should think that you'd done your best to make me
+appear in that way, Josiah Allen. There's only one thin sheet to keep me
+from it.</p>
+
+<p>"But," sez I, spruntin' up, "if you talk in that way any more to me I'll
+holler to Miss Plank!</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_455" id="Page_455">[Pg 455]</a></span></p><p>"Pardner or no pardner, I hain't a-goin' to be imposed upon this time of
+night!"</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "I should be ashamed if I wuz in your place, the father and
+grandfather of a family, and the deacon in a meetin'-house, to be up at
+midnight a-posin' for statutes and actin'."</p>
+
+<p>"But," sez he, "I didn't know but they would want to sculp me while I
+wuz here in Chicago, and I thought I'd git a attitude all ready. You
+never know what may happen, and it's always well to be prepared, and
+attitudes are dretful hard to catch onto at a minute's notice."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "Do you come back to bed, Josiah Allen. What would they want of
+you for a statute?"</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez he, reluctantly relinquishin' his toga, or, in other words
+the flannel blanket and bedspread&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I see many a statute to-day with not half my good looks, and if Chicago
+wanted me to ornament it, I wanted to be prepared."</p>
+
+<p>I sithed aloud, and sez I&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Here I be waked up for good, as tired as I wuz, all for your vanity and
+actin'."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez he, "Samantha, my mind wuz all so stirred up and excited by
+seein' so many ile paintin's and statutes to-day, that I felt dretful."
+And as he sez this my madness all died away, as the way of pardners is,
+and a great pity stole into my heart.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_456" id="Page_456">[Pg 456]</a></span></p>
+<p>I do spoze he wuz half delirous with seein' too much. Like a man who
+has oversot himself and come down on the floor.</p>
+
+<p>That man had been led round too much that day, for my own pleasure; to
+gratify my own esthetik taste I had almost ruined the pardner of my
+youth and middle age.</p>
+
+<p>His mind had been stretched too fur, for the size on't, so I sez
+soothin'ly&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Wall, wall, Josiah, come back to bed and go to sleep, and to-morrow
+we'll go and see some live stock and some plows and things."</p>
+
+<p>So at last I got him quieted down, though he did murmur once or twice in
+his sleep&mdash;Apollo! Hercules! etc., so I see what his inward state wuz.</p>
+
+<p>But towards mornin' he seemed to git into a good sound sleep, and I did
+too, and we waked up feelin' quite considerable rested and refreshed.</p>
+
+<p>And it wuzn't till I had a sick-headache bad, and he wuz more than good
+to me, and I see that he repented deep of it, that I forgive him fully.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_457" id="Page_457">[Pg 457]</a></span></p><p>But of course it broke up our goin' to fashionable places agin to
+eat&mdash;he come out conqueror, after all&mdash;men are deep.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVI" id="CHAPTER_XVI"></a>CHAPTER XVI.</h2>
+
+
+<p>Wall, this mornin'&mdash;it bein' kind of a muggy and cloudy one, I proposed
+that we should go and visit the Fishery Department.</p>
+
+<p>And I d'no why I should a thought on it this mornin' more'n another
+one&mdash;only it wuz jest such a day as Josiah and Thomas Jefferson always
+took for goin' a-fishin' in the creek back of Jonesville.</p>
+
+<p>And then we had fish for breakfast too&mdash;siscoes&mdash;mebby that put me in
+mind on it some.</p>
+
+<p>But anyway, I wuz always interested in the subject of fishin', and the
+hull world is. For what wuz the Postles? Fishers. For what did the Great
+Master name His beloved? Fishers of men.</p>
+
+<p>Why, the Bible is full of fishin' and fisherman, clear back to Jonah;
+and how took up he wuz with a fish, and how full the fish wuz of him!</p>
+
+<p>Fishin' wuz the first industry in the New World.</p>
+
+<p>When our Forefathers landed on Plymouth Rock they found the harbor
+shaped s<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_458" id="Page_458">[Pg 458]</a></span>ome like a fish-hook, and then consequently they went to
+fishin'.</p>
+
+<p>Who got Washington and his army over the Delaware River that bitter cold
+night in 1777, when the fate of our country wuz a-hangin' over that sea
+of broken ice&mdash;ruin on this side, and possible success on the other, but
+the impassable gulf of bitter cold water and the crashing masses of ice
+between&mdash;who got 'em acrost? Fisherman.</p>
+
+<p>Our country has always been noted in its interest in fishin'. Why, at
+the Internatial Exhibition at Berlin in 1880, America won the first
+prize given by the Emperor for its display.</p>
+
+<p>And I knew when it done so well on a foreign shore, it wuzn't goin' to
+make any failure of itself here under its own line, and fish tree, so to
+speak.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, as I said, Josiah expressed a willingness to go, and consequently
+and subsequently we went.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, we found it wuz a group of buildin's on a beautiful island&mdash;in the
+northern part of the lagoon, joinin' the improved part of Jackson Park.</p>
+
+<p>There wuz three on em' in number. The middle one wuz a long buildin'
+with a high dome, and some towers in the centre on't, and the arches and
+the pillows wuz all ornamented off with figgers of fishes, and crabs,
+and lobsters, and all sorts of water growth. It looked uneek, and
+first-rate, too.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_459" id="Page_459">[Pg 459]</a></span></p>
+<p>And when I say it wuz a long buildin', I don't want it understood that
+I mean length as we call it in Jonesville, but Chicago length&mdash;or rather
+Chicago Jackson Park length, which is fur longer than jest plain Chicago
+largeness.</p>
+
+<p>In the centre of the big buildin' is a fish-pond all ornamented with
+rock work, and all sorts of aquatic plants.</p>
+
+<p>And then all joined on to the main buildin', at each end and connected
+with it by carved arches, handsome as arches wuz ever made in the world,
+and trimmed off in the uneek way I've mentioned prior to and beforehand,
+wuz two other buildin's, each one on 'em 135 feet long.</p>
+
+<p>The buildin' to the east is the aquarum, or live fish exhibit, and that
+to the west is to show off the anglin' exhibit. They wuz round and
+kinder double-breasted lookin' on both sides.</p>
+
+<p>The shape on 'em is called pollygon&mdash;probable named after the man's wife
+that built it. It had a good many sides to it&mdash;mebby Polly had to her. I
+know wimmen are falsely called seven-sided lots of times.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, in the middle of the buildin' designed for the aquarum is a big
+pool of water 26 feet in diameter; in the middle of the pool is a risin'
+up some rocks covered with moss and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_460" id="Page_460">[Pg 460]</a></span>ferns, from which cool streams of
+water are a-drippin' and a-drizzlin' down onto the reeds and rushes,
+where the most gorgeous-colored fishes you ever see are playin' round in
+the water, as cool and happy in the middle of a meltin' summer-day&mdash;not
+needin' no fans or parasols, jest a-divin' and a-splashin' down in the
+wet water, and enjoyin' themselves. I bet lots of swelterin' folks jest
+envied 'em.</p>
+
+<p>Surroundin' this rotunda, under a glass ruff, runs two lines of
+aquarums, separated by a wide gallery&mdash;more'n fifty of 'em in all.</p>
+
+<p>In the fresh water wuz all kinds of fishes from all parts of the
+country, and the world. Salmons, muskalunges, the great Mississippi
+cat-fish, alligators, trout, white-fish, sun-fishes, etc., and etcetry.</p>
+
+<p>In the salt water wuz sharks, torpedoes, dog-fishes, goose-fishes,
+sheeps heads, blue-fishes, weak-fish, and strong ones, too, I should
+think&mdash;why, more'n I could name if I should talk all day.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_461" id="Page_461">[Pg 461]</a></span></p>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 327px;">
+<img src="images/illus472.png" width="327" height="500"
+alt="In the salt water wuz sharks, torpedoes, dog fishes, goose-fishes, weak-fish."
+title="In the salt water wuz sharks, torpedoes, dog fishes, goose-fishes, weak-fish." />
+<span class="caption">In the salt water wuz sharks, torpedoes, dog fishes, goose-fishes, weak-fish, and strong ones, too, I should think.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Why, I shouldn't a been surprised a mite if I had seen a-floatin' up to
+me that old Leviathan of Job's that "couldn't be pulled out with a hook,
+or his nose with a cord that wuz let down."</p>
+
+
+<p>Why, I wouldn't a been surprised at nothin'&mdash;I felt a good deal of the
+time jest like that in all of the buildin's, and I said so to my Josiah
+when he'd try to surprise me by lookin' at some stra<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_462" id="Page_462">[Pg 462]</a></span>nge thing. "No,
+Josiah," I would say, "I can't be surprised no more, the time for that
+has gone by&mdash;gone by, a long time ago."</p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz gobys, sticklebacks, sea-horses, devil-fishes, and I
+believe there wuz a jell fish, though I didn't see it.</p>
+
+<p>Though so fur as jell goes, as I told Josiah, I would ruther make my own
+jell out of my own berries and crab-apples, and then I know how it's
+made.</p>
+
+<p>But, howsumever, there wuz all the fishes that ever swum in America,
+Mexico, South America, Europe, and Asia, and I d'no but what there wuz a
+few from Africa. And to see on the bottom of them aquarums shells
+a-walkin' round, with the owners of them shells inside of 'em, wuz a
+sight to see.</p>
+
+<p>Why, any one here would have 60 or 70 emotions a minute right
+along&mdash;a-seein' these, and a-meditatin' on the wonders of the deep.</p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz the rainbow fish, which is found both on the Pacific
+and Atlantic coasts&mdash;it has all the colors the rainbow ever had, and
+more too.</p>
+
+<p>And then to see our own magnificent water-lilies a-floatin' on top of
+the water, and then to see 'em down under the water, with fishes
+a-floatin' all amongst 'em&mdash;oh, what a sight! what a sight it wuz!</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_463" id="Page_463">[Pg 463]</a></span></p>
+<p>Outside of the buildin', when at last we did tear ourselves away from
+that seen of enchantment, and went outside, I upheld by my motive to see
+everything I could, and Josiah by the idee that we would step into a
+restaurant that wuzn't fur away.</p>
+
+<p>When outside we see a lot of ponds all illustratin' the best way of pond
+culture, and all sorts of aquatic plants.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, at Josiah's request, we went to the nighest place and had a cup of
+tea and a good little lunch.</p>
+
+<p>And then we went back to see the fish-hooks and things that is in the
+west buildin' of the group.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah said mebby he could git his eye on some new kind of a fish-hook.
+He said he'd love to go beyend Deacon Henzy and Sime Yerden if he
+could&mdash;they boasted so over their tackle.</p>
+
+<p>And truly I should have thought he might have gone ahead of anything, or
+anybody, if he could have carried 'em home. There wuz everything that
+could be thought on, or that ever wuz seen in the form of fishin'
+apparatus&mdash;every kind of hook, and spear, and rod, and queer-lookin'
+baskets and pots, and tackle to catch eels and lobsters, and then there
+wuz models of fishin' boats and vessels, and everything else under the
+sun that any fisherman ever sot eyes on, from Josiah back to the
+Postles, and from the Postles down to any fishin' club in 1893.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_464" id="Page_464">[Pg 464]</a></span></p>
+<p>Why, if you'll believe it&mdash;and I d'no as I would blame you if you
+wouldn't, it bein' a fish story, as it were&mdash;but we did see some
+fish-hooks from Pompeii that had been buried 2000 years, and come out
+fish-hooks after all&mdash;a good deal like them Josiah uses in Jonesville
+creek.</p>
+
+<p>And speakin' of old things, we see some fishes that day&mdash;the oldest in
+the world; they come from Colorado&mdash;dug out of the rocks of ages ago;
+they wuz covered with bone instead of scales, which showed that they had
+had a pretty hard time on't.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus476.png" width="500" height="386"
+alt="They wuz covered with bone instead of scales."
+title="They wuz covered with bone instead of scales." />
+<span class="caption">They wuz covered with bone instead of scales.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>And then there wuz a big collection of nets made by the Indians from
+seal sinew, seal-skin braided, roots of willow tree, and whalebone.</p>
+
+<p>Of these last it took four men three weeks to make one, and two of these
+wuz gin in exchange for a jug of molasses to make rum with.</p>
+
+<p>A shame and a disgrace! No savage would have cheated so&mdash;no, it takes a
+white man to do that.</p>
+
+<p>And we see artificial flies so nateral that a spider would go to weavin'
+a net to catch it.</p>
+
+<p>And artificial grasshoppers, and crickets, and frogs, and little
+artificial minney fish made of metal, glas<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_465" id="Page_465">[Pg 465]</a></span>s, pearl, and rubber. Why, if
+I had seen one of 'em in the brook that runs through our paster, I
+should have been tempted to have bent a pin, and take some weltin' cord
+out of my pocket and go to fishin' for it.</p>
+
+<p>And if they fooled me, who am often called very wise, what would you
+think of their foolin' a fish, who hain't got any bump of wisdom on
+their heads?</p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz trollin' spoons of all kinds and shapes, in all kinds
+of metal, and trollin' squids&mdash;I'd never hearn of that name
+before&mdash;squid! but they had 'em of all kinds; and tackle boxes, and
+floats, and landin' nets, and gaff hooks; there is sunthin' else I never
+hearn on&mdash;gaff hooks! and snells, and gimps, and spinners.</p>
+
+<p>Why, I'd never hearn on 'em, and Josiah hadn't either, though he acted
+dretful knowin', and put on a face of extreme enjoyment and
+appreciation. And he sez, "How a man duz enjoy seein' such things that
+he's ust to and knows all about!"</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, "What do you do with squids, anyway, or gaffs, or snells?"</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_466" id="Page_466">[Pg 466]</a></span></p><p>"Why," sez he, "I should snell with 'em, and gaff, and squid. What do
+you spoze?"</p>
+
+<p>"How do you do it?" sez I. "How do you snell?"</p>
+
+<p>And then he had to own up that he didn't know how it wuz done.</p>
+
+<p>Truly it has been said that three questions will floor the biggest
+philosopher. But it only took two to take the pride and vainglory out of
+Josiah Allen.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, the information gathered together here from all parts of the
+world, and disseminated out to individuals of the collected world, will
+probable make a great difference in the enjoyment and practical benefit
+of the fisherman, and tell hard on the fishes of 1894.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, we stayed round here a-lookin' at 'em different buildin's till
+dark, and then we didn't see a thousandth nor a millionth part of what
+wuz to be seen there.</p>
+
+<p>And I hain't half described its wonders and glories as I'd ort to, and
+one reason is, nobody can describe any of the buildin's&mdash;no, not if they
+had the tongue of men and angels.</p>
+
+<p>No, they are too stupendous to describe.</p>
+
+<p>And then, agin, I have had a kind of a feelin' of delicacy that has kind
+of held me back&mdash;I have been hampered.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_467" id="Page_467">[Pg 467]</a></span></p><p>For I have kep such a tight grip holt of my principle all the while I've
+been describin' it, that it has weakened the grasp of my good right
+hand on my steel pen.</p>
+
+<p>I knew well how hard, how almost impossible it wuz to talk about fishin'
+for any length of time without lyin'.</p>
+
+<p>But I know I have told Josiah time and agin that it wuz possible to do
+it, if you kep a firm holt of the hellum, and leaned heavy on principle.</p>
+
+<p>I have done it, and I am proud and happy in the thought.</p>
+
+<p>Unless, mebby, I have lied the other way. Good land! I didn't think of
+that; I wuz so determined to keep within bounds, that I am actually
+afraid that I've lied that way; in order not to tell the fish story too
+big, I hain't told it big enough.</p>
+
+<p>Good land! I guess I won't boast any more.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, seein' that I am in sunthin' of a hurry, I will let it go, and
+mebby if I should go over it agin I should lie the other way.</p>
+
+<p>Good land! good land! what a world this is, and with all your care and
+watchfulness, how hard it is to keep walkin' right along, in Injun file,
+along the narrer rope walk of megumness and exact truth.</p>
+
+<p>But I am a-eppisodin', and to resoom.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_468" id="Page_468">[Pg 468]</a></span></p><p>Wall, as I said, we didn't git home till pitch dark, and then I drempt
+of fish all night, and eels, and alligators, and such. It wuz tegus.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus479.png" width="500" height="379"
+alt="I drempt of fish all night." title="I drempt of fish all night." />
+<span class="caption">I drempt of fish all night.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>The next mornin' Josiah Allen met me all riz up with a new idee.</p>
+
+<p>He had been out to buy a new pair of suspenders, his havin' gin out the
+day before; and he come to our room, where I wuz calmly settin'
+a-bastin' in some clean cotton lace into the sleeves of my alpaca dress.</p>
+
+<p>And sez he right out abrup, with no preamble, "Samantha, less go down to
+the Fair Ground in a whale."</p>
+
+<p>"In a whale?" sez I; "are you a loonatick, or what duz ail you, to try
+to make a pair of Jonahses of us at our age?"</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez he, "they have 'em here to carry folks down to the Fair, I
+know, for I hearn it straight, and I should think we wuz jest the right
+age to go as easy as possible, and try experiments."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I firmly, "I hain't a-goin' to try no such experiment as
+that. If the Lord called me to tackle a whale, I would tackle it, but I
+hain't had no callin', and I hain't goin' to try to ride out in no
+whale."</p>
+
+<p>"I'm a-callin' you," sez he.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_469" id="Page_469">[Pg 469]</a></span></p>
+<p>"Wall," sez I dryly, "you hain't the Deity&mdash;no, indeed, fur from it."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez he, "I'd love to go, Samantha. What a glorious piece of news
+to carry back to Jonesville, that we rid out in a whale. In the old
+Jonesville meetin'-house now, when Elder Minkley is a-preachin' on
+Jonah&mdash;and you know he trots him out a dozen times a year as a
+warnin'&mdash;how you and I could lift up our heads and tost 'em, and how the
+necks of the Jonesvillians would be craned round to look at us&mdash;we two,
+who had rid out in a whale&mdash;we had been right there, and knew how it
+wuz."</p>
+
+<p>"I don't want to show off," sez I, "and I don't want any necks craned or
+tosted on account of my gettin' into a whale and ridin' it;" and then I
+sez, "Good land! what won't Chicago do next?"</p>
+
+<p>And I added, "It don't surprise me a mite; it hain't no more of a wonder
+than lots of things I have seen here. I might a known if Chicago had sot
+its mind on havin' a whale to transport folks to the World's Fair she'd
+a done it, but I won't tackle the job."</p>
+
+<p>"There it is," sez he gloomily, "I never make arrangements to
+distinguish myself and make a name, but you must break it up. I had
+lotted on this, Samantha," sez he.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_470" id="Page_470">[Pg 470]</a></span></p><p>He looked sad and deprested, and though I was bound not to give in and
+go, yet I made some inquiries.</p>
+
+<p>"How many does the whale carry? What makes you think we could both git
+into it?"</p>
+
+<p>Sez Josiah, "It carries 5000 at a time."</p>
+
+<p>I felt weak as a cat, jest as I had felt time and agin sence I had come
+to Chicago.</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I in weak axents, and dumbfoundered, "any whale story I
+could hear about Chicago wouldn't surprise me a mite."</p>
+
+<p>And I wiped my brow on my white linen handkerchief, for though the idee
+didn't surprise me none, it started the sweat.</p>
+
+<p>Sez Josiah, "It is 225 feet long, and has a fountain in it, and a
+skylight 138 feet long."</p>
+
+<p>But jest at that minute, before I could frame a reply, even if I could
+have found a frame queer-shaped enough to hold my curious&mdash;curious
+feelin's&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Miss Plank knocked at the door and said she wuz ready to go&mdash;we had made
+arrangements to go together that mornin'&mdash;and Josiah tackled her about
+the whale; and sez she briskly&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, yes; the whaleback Christopher Columbus! It would be a good idee to
+go to the grounds in it; you can go down in it in half an hour&mdash;it is
+only seven or eight milds."</p>
+
+<p>So we fell in with her idee; and bein' ust to the place, she took the
+lead, a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_471" id="Page_471">[Pg 471]</a></span>nd also the street cars, and we soon found ourselves on board the
+biggest floatin' ship I ever laid eyes on. And I couldn't see as it
+looked much like a whale, unless it wuz that it wuz long, and kinder
+pinted, and turned up at both ends, some the shape of a whale.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, I guess the hull five thousand folks wuz on board, and had brung
+their relations on both sides. It looked like it, and we steamed along
+by the shore for quite a spell, the city a-layin' in plain view for mild
+after mild&mdash;or that is, in as plain view as it could be under its
+envelopin' curtain of smoke.</p>
+
+<p>But bimeby the smoke all cleared away, the air wuz clear and pure, and
+the lake lay fair and placid fur off as we could see. It might a been
+the ocean, for all we could tell, for you can't see no further than you
+<i>can</i>, anyway, and you can't see no further than that on the Atlantic or
+the Pacific.</p>
+
+<p>Way beyend what you can't see might stretch thousands and thousands of
+milds and a new continent; or it might be a loggin' camp, or Kalamazoo.
+It don't make no difference to your feelin's, it has all the illimitable
+expanse, the vastness of the great ocean.</p>
+
+<p>So it wuz with the outlook on the flashin' blue waters on that magic
+mornin'.</p>
+
+<p>And pretty soon the White City riz up like a city of bewilderin' beauty
+and enchant<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_472" id="Page_472">[Pg 472]</a></span>ment, with the sun a-lookin' down from a blue sky, and
+lightin' up the tall, white walls, and gilded domes, and towers, and
+minarets. And as we floated along by Jackson Park, and could git a plain
+view of the perfect buildin's&mdash;the lagoons with fairy boats a-skimmin'
+over the sparklin' surface&mdash;in fact, in plain view of the hull vast,
+bewilderin' seen of matchless splendor&mdash;why, I declare I felt almost as
+if I wuz took back clear into the Arabian Nights Entertainments, and
+magic seens wuz bein' unfolded before my enraptured vision.</p>
+
+<p>Why, I almost felt that my Josiah wuz a genii, and Miss Plank a geniess.
+I wouldn't a wondered a mite any minute if a carpet had dropped down for
+us to git onto, and we floated off into Bagdad. I felt queer&mdash;extremely.</p>
+
+<p>But Bagdad nor no other Dad wuz ever so enchantin'ly lovely as the seen
+outspread before our eyes. As surpassin'ly beautiful as the Exposition
+is from every side, hind side and fore side, and from top to bottom, it
+is, I do believe, most radiantly lovely from the water approach.</p>
+
+<p>You needn't be a mite afraid of gittin' your idees too riz up about the
+onspeakable beauty of the seen. No matter if they wuz riz up higher than
+you ever drempt of rizin' 'em up, instead of fallin', they will, so to
+speak, find themselves on <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_473" id="Page_473">[Pg 473]</a></span>the ground floor&mdash;in the suller, as you may
+say&mdash;so fur up beyend your highest imagination is the reality of that
+wonderful White City of the West&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Magic city that has sprung up there amidst the blue waters and green
+forests like a dream of enchantment, a hymn of glory, with not one
+false, harsh note in it to mar the glory and perfectness of the song.</p>
+
+<p>Now, I have had my idees riz up lots of times&mdash;they have riz and fell so
+much that my muse has fairly lamed herself time and agin, and went round
+limpin' for some time.</p>
+
+<p>And Josiah had told me time and agin, as I would go on about the beauty
+I expected to see at the World's Fair, "Samantha, you expect too much;
+you will get dissapinted; tain't Heaven you are goin' to; anybody would
+most expect, to hear you go on, that you expected to see the New
+Jerusalem&mdash;you are goin' to be dissapinted."</p>
+
+<p>Wall, sure enough I wuz, but the dissapintment wuz on the other side&mdash;I
+hadn't expected half nor a quarter nor a millionth part enough. My muse
+instead of comin' down from the heights that I spozed she wuz on
+a-cungerin' up that seen&mdash;to use metafor&mdash;she had always, as you may
+say, sot down flat on the ground.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_474" id="Page_474">[Pg 474]</a></span></p><p>Why, I couldn't do justice to it in words, nor Josiah couldn't, nor Miss
+Plank couldn't, not if we all on us had a dictionary in one hand and a
+English reader in the other, and had travelled down there that beautiful
+mornin' with a brass band.</p>
+
+<p>I wuz so wropped up in my bewildered and extatic admiration that my
+companions wuz entirely lost from sight, when Miss Plank sez&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Here we are, ready to land." And indeed I see on comin' to myself that
+the hull 5000, and their relations on both sides, wuz on the move, and
+it wuz time for me to disembark myself, which I proceeded to do,
+a-follered by the forms of my Josiah and Miss Plank. She stepped out
+quite briskly over her namesake, and so did Josiah. They didn't take in
+the full beauty and grandeur of the seen as I did&mdash;no, indeed.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus486.png" width="500" height="340"
+alt="I proceeded to disembark, a-follered by the forms of my Josiah and Miss Plank."
+title="I proceeded to disembark, a-follered by the forms of my Josiah and Miss Plank." />
+<span class="caption">I proceeded to disembark, a-follered by the forms of my Josiah and Miss Plank.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>They could think of vittles even at that time, for I heard Josiah say&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"We will settle on some place to go that is handy to a restaurant."</p>
+
+<p>And Miss Plank picked one where the biled corned beef wuz delicious, and
+the pies and coffee&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Corned beef! oh, my heart, in such a time as this! Beef corned in such a
+hour! But I forgive 'em and pitied 'em, for it wuz my duty.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_476" id="Page_476">[Pg 476]</a></span></p><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_475" id="Page_475">[Pg 475]</a></span></p><p>Wall, we told Josiah he should have his way that mornin', and go where
+he wanted to&mdash;and he wanted to tackle Machinery Hall; consequently we
+tackled it.</p>
+
+<p>And how many acres big do you suppose this buildin' wuz? Seventeen acres
+and a half is the size of the floor&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Jest half a acre more than Silenas Bobbetses farm, that he broke old
+Squire Bobbetses will to git, and he and his twin brother Zebulin come
+to hands and blows about, in front of the Jonesville post-office.</p>
+
+<p>Zebulin said it wuz too much land to give to one of the children&mdash;they
+wuz leven of 'em&mdash;and the farm didn't go round&mdash;the others didn't have
+only fifteen acres apiece.</p>
+
+<p>Yes; this one buildin' covered as much ground as Silenas Bobbet gits a
+good livin' from, a-raisin' cabbage and spinach.</p>
+
+<p>And the buildin' wuz seemin'ly all wrought of white marble, with
+statutes, and colonnades, and towers, and everything else for its
+comfort, and inside wuz every machine that wuz ever made or thought on,
+from a sassage-cutter and apple-parer to a steam engine in full blast.</p>
+
+<p>I believe they tuned up higher and louder when I went in&mdash;it wouldn't be
+nothin' surp<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_477" id="Page_477">[Pg 477]</a></span>risin' if they did, some as the brass band strikes up as the
+hero enters.</p>
+
+<p>This song wuz the loud, strong chorus of Labor, that echoes all over the
+world, grand chorus that is played by the full orkestry of the sons and
+daughters of toil.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, how many notes there is in this strong, ail-pervadin' anthem!
+Genius, and Patience, and Ambition, and Enterprise, and Ardent
+Endeavor&mdash;high notes, and low ones, all blent together, all tuned to the
+hauntin' key. It is a sam that shakes the hull earth with its might.</p>
+
+<p>As I entered this palace, sacred to its song, how its echoes rolled
+through my ear pans, how them pans seemed to fairly shiver under the
+mighty strokes of the song, and its weird, painful accompaniment of
+boilers a-boilin', rollin' mills a-rollin'!</p>
+
+<p>Water wheels, freight elevators&mdash;cranes a-cranin', derricks
+a-derrickin', divin' apparatus, fire-extinguishin' apparatus&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Machines of all sorts and kinds to manufacture all sorts of goods, and
+all hands to work at it&mdash;silk, cotton, wool, linen, ingy-rubber, ropes,
+and paper.</p>
+
+<p>Saw-mills, wind-mills, printin'-presses a-pressin'. All sorts of tools
+to make all sorts of picters&mdash;engravin's, color printin'&mdash;picters from
+the 16th century up to 1893&mdash;they wuz relief engravin's.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_478" id="Page_478">[Pg 478]</a></span></p>
+<p>I spoze they are called so because it is such a relief to think we
+don't have to look at them old picters now.</p>
+
+<p>And there wuz half-tone processes, mechanical and medicinal processes,
+and every other process you ever hearn on, and didn't ever hear on,
+right there in a procession in front of me, and all a-processin'.</p>
+
+<p>And there wuz machines for makin' clocks, and watches, and jewelry, and
+buttons, and pins, and all kinds of appliances ever used in machinery,
+and stun, sawin', and glass-grindin' machinery a-grindin' and makin'
+bricks and pottery, and used in makin' artificial stun&mdash;the idee!</p>
+
+<p>You'd a thought the stun wuz all made before the Lord rested.</p>
+
+<p>And there wuz rollin' mills a-rollin', and forges a-forgin', and rollin'
+trains, and harnesses, and squeezers a-squeezin'&mdash;and every machine that
+wuz ever made to shape metals and tire mills, and mills that wuzn't
+tired, I guess&mdash;I didn't see any, but I spoze they wuz there. But they
+all looked tired to me&mdash;tired as a dog, but I spoze it wuz my feelin's.</p>
+
+<p>I see all through this buildin' that there wuz more wimmen than men
+there&mdash;which shows what interest wimmen takes in solid things as well as
+ornimental.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_479" id="Page_479">[Pg 479]</a></span></p><p>Wall, we hung around there till I wuz fearfully wore out&mdash;with the
+sights I see and the noise I hearn&mdash;and it wuz a relief to my eyes and
+ears (and I believe them ear pans never will be the pans they wuz before
+I went in there)&mdash;it wuz a relief when my companion begun to feel the
+nawin's of hunger. And after we went through Machinery Hall we went
+through the machine shops, at a pretty good jog, and the power-house,
+where there is the biggest engine in the world&mdash;24,000 horse power.</p>
+
+<p>Good land! and in Jonesville we consider 4 horses hitched to a load
+<i>very</i> powerful; but jest think of it, twenty-four thousand horses jest
+hitched along in front of each other&mdash;why, they would reach from our
+house clear to Zoar&mdash;the idee!</p>
+
+<p>But Josiah's inward state grew worse and worse, and finally sez he, in
+pitiful axents&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Samantha, I am in a starvin' state," and Miss Plank looked quite bad.</p>
+
+<p>So at their request we went a little further south to the White Horse
+Inn.</p>
+
+<p>This inn is a exact reproduction of the famous White Horse Inn in
+England. Thinkin' so much of Dickens as I do (introduced to him by
+Thomas Jefferson), it wuz a comfort to see over the mantlery-piece the
+well-known form of "Sam Weller," the old maid, and others of Dickenses
+char<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_480" id="Page_480">[Pg 480]</a></span>acters, that seem jest as real to me as Thomas Jefferson, or Tirzah
+Ann.</p>
+
+<p>Over the main entrance is a statute of a white horse, lookin'
+considerable like our old mair, only more high-headed.</p>
+
+<p>The original inn had a open court, where stage-coaches drove in to
+unload, and from which Mr. Pickwick and his faithful Sam Weller often
+alighted.</p>
+
+<p>But instead of using it for horses now, they use it for a smokin'-room
+for men; they can't use it for both of 'em, for horses don't want to go
+in there&mdash;horses don't smoke; tobacco makes 'em sick&mdash;sick as a snipe.</p>
+
+<p>Man is the only animal, so fur as I know, who can have tobacco in any
+shape put into his mouth without resentin' it, it is so nasty.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, we got a good clean meal there at a reasonable price, though Miss
+Plank thought there wuzn't enough emptin' in the bread, and the sponge
+cake lacked sugar. But I think they know how to cook there&mdash;that inn is
+the headquarters of the Pickwick Club. Lots of English folks go there,
+as is nateral.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, after we had a lunch and rested for a spell, Josiah proposed that
+we should go and see the Transportation Buildin'.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_481" id="Page_481">[Pg 481]</a></span></p><p>Miss Plank had to leave us now to go home and see about her cookin'. And
+we wended on alone.</p>
+
+<p>On our way there we met Thomas J. and Maggie and Isabelle. They wuz jest
+a-goin' to Machinery Hall. Maggie and Isabelle looked sweet as two
+new-blown roses, and Thomas J. smart and handsome.</p>
+
+<p>We stopped and visited quite a spell, real affectionate and agreeable.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, what a interestin' couple our son and his wife are! and Isabelle is
+a girl of a thousand.</p>
+
+<p>Krit had gone on to Dakota, on business, they said, but wuz comin' back
+anon&mdash;or mebby before.</p>
+
+<p>Truly, if anybody had kep track of their pride and self-conceit, and
+counted how many times it fell, and fell hard, too, durin' the World's
+Fair, it would have been a lesson to 'em on the vanity of earthly
+things, and a good lesson in rithmetic, too.</p>
+
+<p>Why, they couldn't tell the number of times unless they could go up into
+millions, and I d'no but trillions.</p>
+
+<p>Why, it would keep a-fallin' and a-fallin' the hull durin' time you wuz
+there, if you kep watch on it to see; but truly you didn't have no time
+to, no more'n you did your breathin', only when it took a little deeper
+fall than common, and then as it lay prostrate and wounded, it drawed
+your attention to it.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_482" id="Page_482">[Pg 482]</a></span></p>
+<p>Now, at Jonesville, the neighborin' wimmen had envied and looked up to
+my transportation facilities.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Gowdy and she that wuz Submit Tewksbury would often say to me&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, if I had your way of gittin' round&mdash;if I could only have your way
+of goin' jest where you want to and when you want to!"</p>
+
+<p>Such remarks had fed my vanity and pride.</p>
+
+<p>And I will own right up, like a righteous sinner, that I had ofttimes,
+though I had on the outside a becomin' appearance of modesty&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Yet on the inside I wuz all puffed up by a feelin' of my superior
+advantages&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>As I would set up easy on the back seat of the democrat, and the old
+mair would bear me on gloriously, and admired by the neighborin' wimmen
+who walked along the side of the road afoot, and anon the old mair
+a-leavin' 'em fur behind.</p>
+
+<p>And, like all high stations, that back seat in the democrat and that
+noble old mair had brung down envy onto me and mean remarks.</p>
+
+<p>It come straight back to me&mdash;Miss Lyman Tarbox told she that wuz Sally
+Ann Mayhew, and she that wuz Sally Ann told the minister's wife, and she
+told her aunt, and her aunt told my son-in-law's mother, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_483" id="Page_483">[Pg 483]</a></span> Miss
+Minkley told Tirzah Ann, and she told me&mdash;it come straight&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"That Josiah Allen's wife looked like a fool, and acted like one,
+a-settin' up a-ridin' whenever she went anywhere, while them that wuz
+full as likely walked afoot!"</p>
+
+<p>I took them remarks as a tribute to my greatness&mdash;a plain
+acknowledgement of my superior means of locomotion and transportation.</p>
+
+<p>They didn't break the puff ball of my vanity and pride, and let the wind
+out&mdash;no, indeed!</p>
+
+<p>But alas! alas! as I entered the Transportation Buildin', and looked
+round me, there wuz no gentle prick to that overgrown puff ball to let
+the gas out drizzlin'ly and gradual&mdash;no, there wuz a sudden smash, a
+wild collapse, a flat and total squshiness&mdash;the puff ball wuz broke into
+a thousand pieces, and the wind it contained, where wuz it? Ask the
+breezes that wafted away C&aelig;sar's last groans, that blowed up the dust
+over buried Pompeii.</p>
+
+<p>The buildin' itself wuz a sight&mdash;why, it is 960 feet long, and the
+cupola in the centre 166 feet high, with eight elevators to take you up
+to it; the great main entrance wuz all overlaid with gold&mdash;looked full
+as good as Solomon's temple, I do believe&mdash;and broad enough and big
+enough for a hull army of giants to walk through abreast, and then room
+enough for Josiah and me besides.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_484" id="Page_484">[Pg 484]</a></span></p>
+<p>But it wuz on the inside of it that my pride fell and broke all to
+pieces, as I looked round me and down the long distance behind and
+before me.</p>
+
+<p>I knew&mdash;for I had been told&mdash;that one fourth of all the savin's of
+civilized man is invested in railroads, and when I thought of how
+dretful rich some men and countries are, and kings and emperors, etc., I
+felt prepared to do homage to a undertakin' that had swallowed up one
+fourth of all that accumulated wealth.</p>
+
+<p>But sence the world begun, never had there been a exhibition before
+showin' all the railroad systems of the world side by side, all the big
+American railroads, and great Britain, and France, and Germany.</p>
+
+<p>The Baltimore and Ohio exhibit shows how the railroads of the world have
+been thought out gradual, and come up from nothin' to what they
+are&mdash;grew up from a little steam carriage that wuz shut up in Paris in
+1760 as bein' disordely.</p>
+
+<p>"Disordely!" Good land! there never wuz a new idee worth anything in
+this world but has been called "disordely" by fools.</p>
+
+<p>You can see that very little carriage here at the Fair; after bein' shut
+up for two hundred years, it comes out triumphant, just as Columbus has.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_485" id="Page_485">[Pg 485]</a></span></p><p>Stevensonses first engine is here&mdash;an exact reproduction&mdash;and the hull
+caboodle of the first attempts leadin' up to the engines of to-day.</p>
+
+<p>Dretful interestin' to look at these rough little inventions and to
+speculate on what prophetic strivin's, and yearnin's, and heartaches,
+and despairs, and triumphs went into every one on 'em.</p>
+
+<p>For every one on 'em wuz follered, as a man is by his black shadder, by
+the cold, evil spirits of unbelief, malice, envy, and cheatin'.</p>
+
+<p>The sun the inventors walked under&mdash;the glowin' sun of prophecy and
+foreknowledge&mdash;always casts such shadders, some as our sun duz, only
+blacker.</p>
+
+<p>And every one of them old engines by the help of machinery is moved and
+turned, just as if Old Time himself had laid his hour-glass offen his
+head, and wuz a-puttin' his old shoulders under their iron shafts, and
+a-settin' them to goin' agin, after so long a time.</p>
+
+<p>How I wished as I looked at 'em that Stevenson and the rest of them men
+who lived, and worked, and suffered ahead of their time, could a been
+there to see the fruit of their glowin' fancies blow out in full bloom!</p>
+
+<p>But then I thought, as I looked out of a winder into the clear, blue
+depths of sky overhead, Like as not they are here now, their souls
+havin' wrought out some finer existence, so etheral that our coarser
+senses couldn't recognize <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_486" id="Page_486">[Pg 486]</a></span>'em&mdash;mebby they wuz right here round the old
+home of their thoughts, as men's dreams will hang round the homes of
+their boyhood.</p>
+
+<p>Who knows now? I don't, nor Josiah.</p>
+
+<p>The New York Central exhibit shows the old Mohawk and Hudson train, a
+model of the first locomotive sot a-goin' on the Hudson in 1807 with a
+boundin' heart and a tremblin' hand by Robert Fulton, and which wuz
+pushed off from the pier and propelled onwards by the sneerin', mockin',
+unbelievin' laughs of the spectators as much as from the breezes that
+swept up from the south.</p>
+
+<p>I would gin a cent freely and willin'ly if I could a seen Robert stand
+there side by side with that old locomotive and the fastest lightin'
+express of to-day&mdash;like seed and harvest&mdash;with Josiah and me for a
+verdant and sympathizin' background.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, what a sight it would a been, if his emotions could a been laid
+bare, and mine, too!</p>
+
+<p>It would a been a sight long to remember.</p>
+
+<p>But to resoom.</p>
+
+<p>The first locomotive ever seen in Chicago wuz there a-puffin' out its
+own steam. It must felt proud-sperited in all of its old jints, but it
+acted well and snorted with the best on 'em. The 999, the fastest engine
+in the world, wuz by the side of the Clinton, the first engine <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_487" id="Page_487">[Pg 487]</a></span>ever
+made. I opened the coach door and got in. It looked jest like a common
+two-seated buggy of to-day, with seats on top, and water and wood to run
+it with kep in barrels behind the engine.</p>
+
+<p>And England and Germany, not to be outdone, brung over some of their
+finest railroads. Why, Wales brought over some of the actual stun ties
+and iron rails of the first railway in Great Britain; and as for the
+splendor of the coaches, they go beyend anything that wuz ever seen in
+the world. Side by side with the finest passenger coaches that London
+sends stands the Canadian Pacific, with its dinin' and sleepin' cars,
+and you can form an idee about the richness on 'em when I tell you that
+the woodwork of 'em is pure mahogany.</p>
+
+<p>And then the other big railroads, not to be outdone, they have their
+finest and most elegant cars on show&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>The Pullman and Wagner and the Empire State, with its lightnin' speed,
+and post-office and newspaper cars, and freight, and express, and
+private cars.</p>
+
+<p>There is a German exhibit of some of them likely ambulance cars used by
+the Red Cross Society in war time&mdash;cars that angels bend over as the
+poor dyin' ones are carried from the battle-field&mdash;angels of Healin' and
+of Pain.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_488" id="Page_488">[Pg 488]</a></span></p><p>Then the Belgians have a full exhibit of the light, handy vehicles of
+all shapes, from a barrel to a basket, that they make to run on rails.
+Platforms movin' by the instantaneous action of the Westinghouse brake
+on a train of one hundred cars is a sight to see.</p>
+
+<p>There are railroads for goin' like lightin' over level roads, and goin'
+up and down, and all sorts of street cars, a-goin' by horses, or mules,
+or lightnin', as the case might be. President Polk's old carriage looked
+jest like Grandpa Smedly's great-grandfather's buggy, that stands in
+this old stun carriage house, and has stood there for 100 years and
+more.</p>
+
+<p>And all sorts of gorgeous carriages that wuz ever seen or hearn on, and
+carts, and wagons, and buggies, from a tallyho coach to a invalid's
+chair and a wheelbarrow, and from a toboggan to a bicycle, and
+palanquins of Japan, China, India, and Africa.</p>
+
+<p>Howdahs for elephants, saddles for camels, donkey exhibits from South
+America and Egypt, the rig of the water-carriers of Cairo, the
+milk-sellers of South America, and the cargados, or human pack-horses,
+of both sexes of that country&mdash;models that show the human and brute
+forms of labor.</p>
+
+<p>Models of ox-carts, used in Jacob's time, and in which, I dare presoom
+to say, Old Miss Jacob ust to go a-visitin' to old Miss Abraham and
+Isaac, and mebby stay all day, she and the children.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_489" id="Page_489">[Pg 489]</a></span></p>
+<div class="figright" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus500.png" width="500" height="359"
+alt="Ox-cart in which old Miss Jacob ust to go a-visitin&#39;."
+title="Ox-cart in which old Miss Jacob ust to go a-visitin&#39;." />
+<span class="caption">Ox-cart in which old Miss Jacob ust to go a-visitin'.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>And pneumatic tubes that I spoze will be used fur more in the future,
+and for more various uses, and all kinds of balloons and air-ships.</p>
+
+<p>Balloon transportation&mdash;ridin' through the air swift as the wind&mdash;what
+idees that riz up under my fore-top, of takin' breakfast to home, and
+a-eatin' supper with the Widder Albert, or some of her folks, and
+spendin' the night with the Sphynx, a-settin' out by moonlight on the
+pyramids&mdash;a-settin' on the top stun, my feet on another one, and my chin
+in my hand, a-meditatin' on queer things, and a-neighborin' with 'em.
+From Jonesville to the Desert of Sarah, in a flash, as it were.</p>
+
+<p>Where wuz the old democrat&mdash;where, oh, where wuz she? Ask the ocean
+waves as they break in thunder on the cliff, and hain't heard from no
+more&mdash;ask 'em, and if they answer you, you may hear from the old
+democrat.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_490" id="Page_490">[Pg 490]</a></span></p><p>And then there wuz all kinds of vessels, and boats, and steamships, and
+canal-boats, and yachts, and elevators, and water railways.</p>
+
+<p>Why, right there in plain sight wuz a section sixty feet long of one of
+the new Atlantic steamers, cut out of the ship, some as you cut a
+quarter out of an orange, or cut off a stick of candy.</p>
+
+<p>You can see the hull of the ship in that one piece, from the hold to the
+upper deck&mdash;it looks like a structure five stories high&mdash;it shows the
+state-room, saloon, music-room, and so forth, fitted up exactly as they
+are at sea, gorgeous and comogeous in the extreme.</p>
+
+<p>And here is the reproduction of the Viking ship, nine hundred years
+old&mdash;dug up in a sand-hill in Norway, in 1880. It is fitted up exactly
+as the Storm Kings of one thousand years ago used 'em&mdash;thirty-two oars,
+each seventeen feet long. Mebby that same ship brung over some Vikings
+here when the old Newport Mill wuz new.</p>
+
+<p>The English exhibit has a model of H.M.S. Victoria, three hundred and
+sixty feet long; there is a immense lookin'-glass behind this model, so
+as to make it look complete, and it is a sight to behold&mdash;a sight.</p>
+
+<p>Why, the U.S. has models of their great steamships, the Etruria and
+the Umbria, and there are every kind of vessels that wuz ever hearn on,
+for trade, pleasure, or war, and all kinds of Oriental ships, and all
+kinds <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_491" id="Page_491">[Pg 491]</a></span>of craft that ever floated in every ocean and river of the known
+world.</p>
+
+<p>From a miniature Egyptian canoe, found in a tomb, to the sheep-skin
+rafts of the Euphrates and the dugouts of Africa, with sails, to the
+gorgeous sail-boats of the Adriatic and the most ancient vessels in the
+world.</p>
+
+<p>What a sight! what a sight! It would take weeks to jest count 'em, let
+alone studyin' 'em as you ort.</p>
+
+<p>And every machine in the known world for propellin' boats and railways,
+from steam to lightnin'.</p>
+
+<p>Where wuz my old mair in such a seen? Oh, ask my droopin' sperits where
+wuz she?</p>
+
+<p>And there wuz everything about protection of life and property,
+communication at sea, protection against storms and fire, and all kinds
+of light-houses and divin' apparatus, and pontoons for raisin' sunken
+vessels out of the depths of the sea.</p>
+
+<p>And relics of Arctic explorations, every one on 'em weighted down with
+memories of cold, and hunger, and frozen death.</p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz movin' platforms and sidewalks. The idee! What
+would Submit and Miss Henzy say&mdash;to go out from our house and stand
+stun-still on the side of the road and be moved over to Miss Solomon
+Corkses!</p>
+
+<p>Oh, my soul, oh, my soul, think on't!</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_492" id="Page_492">[Pg 492]</a></span></p>
+<p>And there wuz what they called a gravity road.</p>
+
+<p>And I asked Josiah "what he spozed that wuz?" and he said,</p>
+
+<p>"He guessed it meant our country roads in the spring or fall."</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, "If them roads won't make a man feel grave to drive over 'em, or
+a horse feel grave, too, as they are a-wadin' up to their knees in the
+mud, and a-draggin' a wagon stuck half way up over the hub in slush and
+thick mud"&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, "If a man won't feel grave under such circumstances, and a
+horse, too, then I don't know what will make him."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "if I wuz in Uncle Sam's place I wouldn't try to display
+'em to foreign nations." Sez I, "They are disgraces to our country, and
+I would hush 'em up."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez Josiah; "that is a woman's first idee to cover up sunthin'."</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, "I honor the old man a-comin' right out and ownin' up his
+weaknesses. The country roads are shameful, and he knew it, and he knew
+that we knew it; so why not come right out open and show 'em up?"</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "it would look as well agin in him to show a good road&mdash;a
+good country road, that one could go over in the spri<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_493" id="Page_493">[Pg 493]</a></span>ng of the year
+without wishin' to do as Job did&mdash;curse God and die."</p>
+
+<p>Sez Josiah, "Job didn't do that; his wife wanted him to, and he refused;
+men hain't profane naterally."</p>
+
+<p>"Josiah Allen," sez I, "the language you have used over that Jonesville
+road in muddy times has been enough to chill the blood in my veins. Tell
+me that men hain't profane!"</p>
+
+<p>"Not naterally, I said; biles and country roads is enough to make Job
+and me swear." And he looked gloomy as he thought of the stretch from
+Grout Hozletons to Jonesville, and how it looked from March till June.</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "less get our minds off on't," and I hurried him on to
+look at the Austrian exhibit, and the Alps seemed to git his mind off
+some.</p>
+
+<p>There they wuz. There was the Alps, with a railroad in the foreground;
+then the ship of the Invincible Armada, in the Madrid exhibit, seemed to
+take up his mind; and all of the guns, from the fifteenth century on to
+our day; and the Spanish collection of models of block-houses, forts,
+castles, towers, and so forth.</p>
+
+<p>In the middle of the main buildin' stood two big masts fifty feet
+high&mdash;one of our own day, with every modern convenience; the other like
+them masts on them ships of Columbus.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_494" id="Page_494">[Pg 494]</a></span></p>
+<p>I hope our sails will waft on the ship of our country to as great a
+success as Columbuses did. Mebby it will; I hope so.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, after we left the Transportation Buildin', sez Josiah, "I am dead
+sick of grandeur, and palaces 30 and 40 acres big, and gildin', and
+arches, and pillars, and iron."</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, "I would give a cent this minute to see our sugar house, and if
+I could see Sam Widrig's hovel, where he keeps his sheep, and our old
+log milk house, I'd be willin' to give a dollar bill."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, in a kinder low voice, for I didn't want it to git out&mdash;I
+felt that I would ruther lose no end of comfort than to hurt the
+Christopher Columbus World's Fair's feelin's&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>I whispered, "I feel jest exactly as you do. And," sez I, "less go and
+find a cabin and some huts if we can, and a board."</p>
+
+<p>So we, havin' been told before where we should find these, wended our
+way to the Esquimo village, and lo! there wuz a big board fence round
+it.</p>
+
+<p>And Josiah went up and laid his hand on them good hemlock boards
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_495" id="Page_495">[Pg 495]</a></span>
+lovin'ly, and sez he, "It looks good enough to eat." I could hardly
+withdraw him from it&mdash;he clung to it like a brother.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 336px;">
+<img src="images/illus505.png" width="336" height="500"
+alt="&quot;It looks good enough to eat.&quot;" title="&quot;It looks good enough to eat.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"It looks good enough to eat."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Wall, inside that board fence wuz a number of cabins or huts, containin'
+some of 'em a hide bag or a bed, a dog sled with some strips of tin for
+a harness, and some plain tables, white as snow in some huts, and in
+some as black as dirt could make 'em.</p>
+
+<p>There wuz about fifty or sixty males and females and children there, and
+one on 'em, a little bit of a baby, born right there on the Fair ground.</p>
+
+<p>She wuz about as big as a little toy doll. She wuz a-swingin' there in a
+little hammock, and she didn't seem to care a mite whether she wuz born
+up to the Arctic Pole or in Chicago. Good land! what did she care about
+the pole? Mother love wuz the hull equatorial circle to her, and it wuz
+a-bendin' right over her.</p>
+
+<p>The little mother had pantaloons on, and didn't seem to like it; she had
+a long jacket and some moccasins.</p>
+
+<p>Right there inside of that board fence is as good a object lesson as
+you'll find of the cleansin' and elevatin' power of the Christian
+religion. There wuz two heathen families, and their cabins wuz dirty and
+squalid, whil<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_496" id="Page_496">[Pg 496]</a></span>e the Christianized homes are as clean and pure as hands
+can make 'em.</p>
+
+<p>First godliness, and then cleanliness.</p>
+
+<p>The way the Esquimos tell their age is to have a bag with stuns in it
+for years. Every year in the middle of summer they drop a stun in. How
+handy that would be for them who want to act young&mdash;why jest let the
+summer run by without droppin' the stun in, or let a hole come sort o'
+axidental in the bag, and let a few drop out. But, then, what good would
+it do?</p>
+
+<p>Sence Old Time himself is a-storin' up the stunny years in his bag that
+can't be dickered with, or deceived.</p>
+
+<p>And he will jest hit you over the head with them stuns; they will hit
+your head and make it gray&mdash;hit your eyes, and they will lose their
+bright light&mdash;hit your strong young limbs and make 'em weak and sort o'
+wobblin'.</p>
+
+<p>What use is there a-tryin' to drop 'em out of your own private
+collection of stuns?</p>
+
+<p>But to resoom. The Esquimos show forth some traits that are dretful
+interestin' to a philosopher and a investigator.</p>
+
+<p>They do well with what they have to do with.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_497" id="Page_497">[Pg 497]</a></span></p><p>Now, no sewin' machine ever made finer stitches than they take on their
+sleepin' bags and their rain coats, etc.</p>
+
+<p>But the thread they use is only reindeer sinews split fine with their
+teeth.</p>
+
+<p>What would they do with sewin' silk and No. 70 thread?</p>
+
+<p>I believe they would do wonders if they had things to do with.</p>
+
+<p>There wuz one young boy who they said wuz fifteen, but he didn't look
+more'n seven or eight. He looked out from his little cap that come right
+up from his coat, or whatever you call it; it looks some like the loose
+frock that Josiah sometimes wears on the farm, only of course Josiah's
+don't have a hood to it.</p>
+
+<p>No, indeed; I never can make him wear a hood in our wildest storms, nor
+a sun-bunnet.</p>
+
+<p>But this little Esquimo, whose name is Pomyak, he looked out on the
+world as if he wuz a-drinkin' in knowledge in every pore; he looked
+kinder cross, too, and morbid. I guess lookin' at ice-suckles so much
+had made his nater kinder cold.</p>
+
+<p>And who knows what changes it will make in his future up there in the
+frozen north&mdash;his summer spent here in Chicago?</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_498" id="Page_498">[Pg 498]</a></span></p><p>Anyway, durin' the long, long night, he will always have sunthin'
+besides the northern lights to light up its darkness.</p>
+
+<p>What must memory do for him as he sits by the low fire durin' the six
+months night?</p>
+
+<p>Cold and blackness outside, and in his mind the warm breath of summer
+lands, the gay crowds, the throng of motley dressed foreigners, the
+marvellous city of white palaces by the blue waters.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, Josiah got real rested and sort o' sot up agin. And he laid his
+hand agin lovin'ly on the boards as we left the seen.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, on our way home I had an awful trial with Josiah Allen. Mebby what
+he had seen that day had made him feel kind o' riz up, and want to act.</p>
+
+<p>He and I wuz a-wendin' our way along the lagoon, when all of a sudden he
+sez&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Samantha, I want to go out sailin' in a gondola&mdash;I want to swing out
+and be romantic," sez he.</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, "I always wanted to be romantic, and I always wanted to be a
+gondolier, but it never come handy before, and now I will! I <i>will</i> be
+romantic, and sail round with you in a gondola. I'd love to go by
+moonlight, but sunlight is better than nothin'."</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus510.png" width="500" height="351"
+alt="&quot;I want to swing out and be romantic and sail round with you in a gondola.&quot;"
+title="&quot;I want to swing out and be romantic and sail round with you in a gondola.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"I want to swing out and be romantic and sail round with you in a gondola."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>I looked down pityin'ly on him as he stood a few steps below me on the
+flight o' stairs a-leadin' down to the water's edge.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_500" id="Page_500">[Pg 500]</a></span></p><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_499" id="Page_499">[Pg 499]</a></span></p><p>I leaned hard on my faithful old umbrell, for I had a touch of rumatiz
+that day.</p>
+
+<p>And sez I, "Romance, Josiah, should be looked at with the bright eyes of
+youth, not through spectacles No. 12." Sez I, "The glowin' mist that
+wrops her round fades away under the magnifyin' lights of them specs,
+Josiah Allen."</p>
+
+<p>He had took his hat off to cool his forward, and I sez further&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Romance and bald heads don't go together worth a cent, and rumatiz and
+azmy are perfect strangers to her. Romance locks arms with young souls,
+Josiah Allen, and walks off with 'em."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, shaw!" sez Josiah, "we hain't so very old. Old Uncle Smedly would
+call us young, and we be, compared to him."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "through the purblind gaze of ninety winters we may look
+younger, but bald heads and spectacles, Josiah Allen, tell their own
+silent story. We are not young, Josiah Allen, and all our lyin' and
+pretendin' won't make us so."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall, dum it all! I never shall be any younger. You can't dispute
+that."</p>
+
+<p>"No," sez I; "I don't spoze you will, in this spear."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall, I am bound to go out in a gondola, I am bound to be a gondolier
+before I die. So you may as well make up your mind first <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_501" id="Page_501">[Pg 501]</a></span>as last, and
+the sooner I go, the younger I shall go. Hain't that so?"</p>
+
+<p>With a deep sithe I answered, "I spoze so."</p>
+
+<p>And he continued on, "There is such wild, free pleasure on the deep,
+Samantha."</p>
+
+<p>But, sez I, layin' down the sword of common sense, and takin' up the
+weepons of affection,</p>
+
+<p>"Think of the dangers, Josiah. The water is damp and cold, and your
+rumatiz is fearful."</p>
+
+<p>"Dum it all! I hain't a-goin' <i>in</i> the water, am I?"</p>
+
+<p>"I don't know," sez I sadly, "I don't know, Josiah, and anyway the winds
+sweep down the lagoons, and azmy lingers on its wings. Pause, Josiah
+Allen, for my sake, for liniments and poultices as well as clouds have
+their dark linin's, and they turn 'em out to me as I ponder on your
+course." Sez I, "Your danger appauls me, and also the idee of bein' up
+nights with you."</p>
+
+<p>"But," sez he firmly, "I <i>will</i> be a gondolier, I'm bound on't. And,"
+sez he, "I want one of them gorgeous silk dresses that they wear. I'd
+love to appear in a red and yeller suit, Samantha, or a green and
+purple, or a blue and maroon, with a pink sash made of thin glitterin'
+silk, but I spoze that you will break that up in a minute. So, I spoze
+that I shall have to dwindle down onto a silk scarf, or some plumes in
+my hat, mebby&mdash;you never are willin' for me to soar out and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_502" id="Page_502">[Pg 502]</a></span> spread
+myself, but you probable wouldn't break up a few feathers."</p>
+
+<p>I groaned aloud, and mentally groped round for aid, and instinctively
+ketched holt of religion.</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "Elder Minkley is here, Josiah Allen, and Deacon
+Henzy&mdash;Jonesville church is languishin' in debt. Is this a time for
+feathers? What will they think on't? If you can spend money for silk
+scarfs and plumes, they'll expect you, and with good reason, too, to
+raise the debt on the meetin'-house."</p>
+
+<p>He paused. Economy prevailed; what love couldn't effect or common sense,
+closeness did.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_503" id="Page_503">[Pg 503]</a></span></p><p>His brow cleared from its anxious, ambitious creases, and sez he, "Wall,
+do come on and less be goin."</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVII" id="CHAPTER_XVII"></a>CHAPTER XVII.</h2>
+
+
+<p>It rained some in the mornin', and Josiah said, "That it wuz
+presumptious for any one to go out onto the Fair ground in such a time."</p>
+
+<p>So he settled down with the last Sunday's <i>World</i>, which he hadn't had
+time to read before, and looked and acted as if he wuzn't goin' to stir
+out of his tracks in some time.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 414px;">
+<img src="images/illus515.png" width="414" height="500" alt="He wuzn&#39;t goin&#39; to stir." title="He wuzn&#39;t goin&#39; to stir." />
+<span class="caption">He wuzn't goin' to stir.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>But I went out onto the stoop and kinder put my hand out and looked up
+into the clouds clost, and I see that it didn't do no more than to mist
+some, and I felt as if it wuz a-goin' to clear off before long.</p>
+
+<p>So I said that I wuz a-goin' to venter out.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah opposed me warmly, and brung up the dangers that might befall me
+with no pardner to protect me.</p>
+
+<p>He brung up a hull heap on 'em and laid 'em down in front of me, but I
+calmly walked past 'em, and took down my second-best dress and bunnet,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_504" id="Page_504">[Pg 504]</a></span>and a good deep water-proof cape, and sot off.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, I got to the Fair ground with no casualities worth mentionin', and
+I sauntered round there with my faithful umbrell as my only gardeen,
+and see a sight, and took considerable comfort.</p>
+
+<p>I had a good honorable lunch at noon, and I wuz a-standin' on the steps
+of one of the noble palaces, when I see a sedan chair approachin' shaped
+jest like them in my old Gography, borne by two of the men who carry
+such chairs. Curius-lookin' creeters they be, with their gay turbans and
+sashes, and long colored robes lookin' some like my long night-gowns,
+only much gayer-lookin'.</p>
+
+<p>As it approached nearer I see a pretty girlish face a-lookin' out of the
+side from the curtains that wuz drawed away, a sweet face with a smile
+on it.</p>
+
+<p>And I sez to myself, "There is a good, wholesome-lookin' girl, who don't
+care for the rain no more than I do," when I heard a man behind me say
+in a awe-strucken voice, "That is the Princess! that is the Infanty!"</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 413px;">
+<img src="images/illus516.png" width="413" height="500" alt="&quot;There is a good, wholesome-lookin&#39; girl.&quot;" title="&quot;There is a good, wholesome-lookin&#39; girl.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"There is a good, wholesome-lookin' girl."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>And I sez to myself, here is a chance to put yourself right in her eyes.
+For I wuz afraid that she would think that I hadn't done right by her
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_505" id="Page_505">[Pg 505]</a></span>sence she come over from Spain to see us.</p>
+
+<p>And I didn't want her to go back with any false impressions. I wanted
+Spain to know jest where I stood in matters of etiquette and
+politeness.</p>
+
+<p>So it happened jest right&mdash;she descended from her chair and stood
+waitin' on the steps for the rest of her folks, I guess.</p>
+
+<p>And I approached with good nater in my mean, and my umbrell in my hand.</p>
+
+<p>And sez I, a-holdin' out my hand horsepitably, sez I, "Ulaley, I am
+dretful glad of a chance to see you." Sez I, "You have had so much
+company ever sence you come to America, that I hain't had no chance to
+pay attention to you before.</p>
+
+<p>"And I wanted to see you the worst kind, and tell you jest the reason I
+hain't invited you to my house to visit." Sez I, a-bowin' deep, "I am
+Josiah Allen's Wife, of Jonesville."</p>
+
+<p>"Of Jonesville?" sez she, in a silver voice.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez I; "Jonesville, in the town of Lyme."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_506" id="Page_506">[Pg 506]</a></span></p><p>Sez I, "You have probable read my books, Ulaley." Sez I, "I spoze they
+are devoured all over the World as eager as Ruger's Arithmetic, or the
+English Reader."</p>
+
+<p>She made a real polite bow here, and I most knew from her looks that she
+wuz familiar with 'em.</p>
+
+<p>And I kep right on, and sez I&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"From everything that I have hearn on you ever sence you come here I
+have took to you, jest as the hull of the rest of America has. We think
+a sight on you&mdash;you have shown a pattern of sweetness, and grace, and
+true politeness, that is long to be remembered.</p>
+
+<p>"And I want you to know that the only reason that I hain't invited you
+to Jonesville to visit me is that you have had such sights and sights of
+company and invitations here and there, that I told Josiah that I
+wouldn't put another effort onto you.</p>
+
+<p>"I sez to him, sez I, 'There are times when it is greater kindness to
+kinder slight anybody than it is to make on 'em.' And I told Josiah that
+though I would be tickled enough to have you come and stay a week right
+along, and though, as I sez to him,</p>
+
+<p>"'The Infanty may feel real hurt to not have me pay no attention to
+her,' still I felt that I had Right on my side.</p>
+
+<p>"Sez I, 'It is enough to kill a young woman to have to be on the go all
+the time,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_507" id="Page_507">[Pg 507]</a></span> as she has had to.' Sez I, 'The American Eagle has jest driv
+her about from pillar to post. And Uncle Sam has most wore his old legs
+out a-escortin' her about "from pleasure to palaces," as the Him reads.'</p>
+
+<p>"And then, sez I, 'She has had considerable to do with Ward McAllister,
+and he's dretful wearin'.'</p>
+
+<p>"He's well-meanin', no doubt, and I have a good deal of sympathy for
+him. For, as I told Josiah, he's gittin' along in years, and I don't
+know what pervision eternity would give to him in the way of
+entertainment and use. He can't expect to go on there to all eternity
+a-samplin' wine, and tyin' neckties, and makin' button-hole bokays.</p>
+
+<p>"And I don't suppose that he will be allowed to sort out the angels, and
+learn 'em to bow and walk backwards, and brand some on 'em four hundred,
+and pick out a few and brand 'em one hundred, and keep some on 'em back,
+and let some on 'em in, and act.</p>
+
+<p>"I d'no what is a-goin' to be done in the next world, the home of
+eternal Truth and Realities, with a man who has spent his hull life
+a-smoothin' out and varnishin' the husks of life, and hain't paid no
+attention to the kernel.</p>
+
+<p>"He tires America dretful, Ward duz, and I spoze like as not he'd be
+still more tuckerin'<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_508" id="Page_508">[Pg 508]</a></span> to Spain, not bein' used to him, and then, too,
+she's smaller, Spain is, and mebby can't stand so much countin' and
+actin'. So, as I said to Josiah, 'The Infanty is a-havin' a hard time
+on't with the Ward McAllisters of society;' for, sez I, 'Though she has
+set 'em a pattern of simple courtesy and good manners every time she's
+had a chance, I knew them four hundred well enough to know that it
+wouldn't be took.' I knew that the American Republic, as showed out by
+Ward McAllister and his 'postles, wouldn't be contented to use the
+simple, quiet courtesy of a Royal Princess.</p>
+
+<p>"No; I knew America and Jonesville would have to see 'em a-goin' on, and
+actin', and a-plannin' which foot ort to be advanced first, and how many
+long breaths and how many short ones could be genteelly drawed by 'em
+durin' a introduction, and how many buttons their gloves must have, and
+how many inches the tops of their heads ort to come from the floor when
+they bowed, and whether their little fingers ort to be held still, or
+allowed to move a little.</p>
+
+<p>"And while Ward and his 'postles was drawed up in a line on one side of
+the ball-room, and not dastin' to move hand or foot for fear they
+wouldn't be moved genteel, you got dead tired a-waitin' for 'em to make
+a move of some kind.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_509" id="Page_509">[Pg 509]</a></span></p>
+<p>"It wuz a weary, tuckerin' sight to America and me, and must have been
+dretful for you to gone through.</p>
+
+<p>"And I sez to Josiah, 'It is no wonder that the Infanty got so tired of
+them performances that she had to set down and rest.</p>
+
+<p>"It tired America so a-seein' 'em a-pilotin' the party that she would
+have been glad to have sot down and rested.</p>
+
+<p>"Now if I'd invited you, Ulaley, as I wanted to, I wuzn't a-calculatin'
+to draw up Josiah and the boys and Ury on one side of the room, and the
+girls and myself in a line on the other side, and not dastin' to advance
+and welcome you for fear I wouldn't put the right foot out first, or
+wouldn't put in the right number of breaths a second I ort to.</p>
+
+<p>"No; I should have forgot myself in the pleasure of welcomin' you. I
+should have advanced to once with pride and welcome in every line of my
+liniment, and held out my hand in a respectful and joyful greetin', and
+let you know in every move I made how proud and glad I wuz to see you,
+and how proud and glad I wuz you could see me, and then I should have
+introduced Josiah and the children, who would have showed in their happy
+faces how truly welcome you wuz to Jonesville. You'd've enjoyed it first
+rate<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_510" id="Page_510">[Pg 510]</a></span>, Ulaley, and if there had been any difference in our manners from
+what you'd been used to, and we might have made a bow or two less than
+you wuz accustomed to, why, your good sense would have told you that
+manners in Jonesville wuz different from Madrid, and you'd expect it and
+enjoy the difference, mebby.</p>
+
+<p>"Of course, I knew that we couldn't do by you exactly as they do in
+Spain in the way of amusement&mdash;we couldn't git up no bull fight, not
+havin' the two materials.</p>
+
+<p>"But Josiah has got a old pair of steers down in our back medder that
+was always touchy and kinder quarrelsome. They are gittin' along in
+years, but mebby there is some fight left in 'em yet.</p>
+
+<p>"I think like as not that Josiah and Ury could have got 'em to kinder
+backin' up and kickin' at each other, and actin'.</p>
+
+<p>"I wouldn't gin a cent to seen it go on, but it would have been
+interesting I hain't a doubt on't, to them that wuz gin to that sort o'
+things.</p>
+
+<p>"But, as I sez, I wouldn't put it on you, Ulaley."</p>
+
+<p>The Infanty looked real pleasant here&mdash;she almost laughed, she looked so
+amiable at me; she realized well that she wuz a-meetin' one of the first
+wimmen of the nation, and that woman wuz a-doin' well by her.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_511" id="Page_511">[Pg 511]</a></span></p><p>"But, as I say, Ulaley, I knew that it wuz too hard for you. I knew that
+between them Ward McAllisters of society, and the hosts of your honest
+admirers, from Uncle Sam down to Commander Davis and Miss Mayor Gilroy,
+you wuz fairly beat out. And I wouldn't put you to the extra effort of
+comin' to Jonesville. I hated to give it up, but Duty made me, and I
+want you to understand it and to explain it all out to Spain jest how it
+wuz."</p>
+
+<p>She smiled real sweet, and said she would, and she said "that she
+appreciated my thoughtful kindness."</p>
+
+<p>She wuz too much of a lady to talk about them that had entertained her.</p>
+
+<p>And I spoze she <i>had</i> been entertained through them New York parties.
+She's quite a case for fun, and we got to feelin' real well acquainted
+with each other, and congenial.</p>
+
+<p>She looked dretful pretty as she looked out sideways at me and smiled.
+She's as pretty as a pink.</p>
+
+<p>And sez she, "You are very kind, madam; I highly appreciate your
+goodness."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez I, "it wuz nothin' but goodness that kep me back, for Josiah
+and I both think our eyes on you, both as a smart, pretty woman, and a
+representative of that country that wuz the means of discoverin' us."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_512" id="Page_512">[Pg 512]</a></span></p>
+<p>And sez I with a shudder, and a skairful look onto me, "I can't bear to
+think of the contingency to not had Jonesville and Chicago discovered,
+to say nothin' of the rest of the World.</p>
+
+<p>"But," sez I, "my anxiety to put myself right in your eyes has runaway
+with my politeness." Sez I, "How is all your folks?" Sez I, "How is
+little Alphonso? We think a sight of that boy here, and his Ma. She's
+a-bringin' him up first rate, and you tell her that I think so. It will
+encourage her.</p>
+
+<p>"And how is your Ma?" sez I; and then I kinder backed out polite from
+that subject, and sez I, "I dare presoom to say that she has her good
+qualities; and mebby, like all the rest of the world, she has her
+drawbacks."</p>
+
+<p>And then a thought come onto me that made me blush with shame and
+mortification, and sez I, "I hain't said a word about your husband." Sez
+I, "I have said that I would pay particular attention to that man if I
+come in sight on him, and here I be, jest like the rest of America, not
+payin' him the attention that I ort, and leavin' him a-standin' up
+behind you, as usual.</p>
+
+<p>"How is Antoine?" sez I.</p>
+
+<p>She said that "He was very well."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "I am glad on't; from everything that America and I can
+learn of h<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_513" id="Page_513">[Pg 513]</a></span>im he is a good feller&mdash;a manly, good-appearin', good-actin'
+young man.</p>
+
+<p>"And America and I wish you both dretful well&mdash;you and Spain. We think
+dretful well of all of you; and now," sez I, with some stateliness, "I
+am a-goin' to withdraw myself, and not tire you out any more."</p>
+
+<p>And so we shook hands cordial, and said good-bye, and I proceeded to
+withdraw myself, and I wuz jest a-backin' off, as I make a practice of
+doin' in my interviews with Royalty, when Duty gin me a sharp hunch in
+my left side, and I had to lock arms with her, and approach the Infanty
+agin on a delicate subject.</p>
+
+<p>I hated to, but I had to.</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "Ulaley, I want you to forgive me for it if you feel hurt, but
+there is one subject that I feel as if I want to tackle you on."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "You've acted like a perfect lady, and a sampler of all womanly
+and royal graces, ever sence you come over here a-visitin', good enough
+to frame," sez I, "and hang up in our heart of hearts.</p>
+
+<p>"And there hain't but one fault that I have got to find with you, and I
+want to tell you plain and serious, jest as I'd love to have your folks
+tell Tirzah Ann if she should go over to Spain to represent Jonesville&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I want to say, jest as kind as I can say, that if I wuz in your place I
+wouldn't smoke so much.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_514" id="Page_514">[Pg 514]</a></span></p>
+<p>"I want to tell you that if my girl, Tirzah Ann, should ever go to
+Spain under the circumstances I speak on, and should light up her pipe
+in the Escurial, I should want you to put it out for her.</p>
+
+<p>"I hate to have you smoke, Ulaley&mdash;I hate to like a dog. Of course," sez
+I, in reasonable axents, "if you wanted to smoke a little mullen or
+catnip for the tizik, I wouldn't mind it; but cigaretts are dretful
+onhealthy, and I'm afraid that they will undermind your constitution.
+And I think too much on you, Ulaley, to want you underminded."</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 474px;">
+<img src="images/illus526.png" width="474" height="500"
+alt="&quot;I hate to have you smoke, Ulaley&mdash;I hate to like a dog.&quot;"
+title="&quot;I hate to have you smoke, Ulaley&mdash;I hate to like a dog.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"I hate to have you smoke, Ulaley--I hate to like a dog."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>She smiled, and said sunthin' about its bein' the custom of her country.</p>
+
+<p>And I looked real pleasant at her, but firm, and sez I, "Customs has to
+be gone aginst by true Reformers, and Prophets, Ulaley." Sez I, "Four
+hundred years ago it wuzn't the custom of the countries to discover new
+worlds.</p>
+
+<p>"But your illustrious countryman branched out and stemmed the tide of
+popular disfavor, and found a grand New Land.</p>
+
+<p>"New Worlds lay before all on us, Ulaley&mdash;we can sail by 'em on the
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_515" id="Page_515">[Pg 515]</a></span>winds of popular favor and old custom, or we can stem the tide and row
+aginst the stream, and, 'Go in and take the country.'</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_516" id="Page_516">[Pg 516]</a></span></p><p>"You don't know what good lays in your power to do, Ulaley, you sweet
+young creeter you, and now God bless you, and good-bye."</p>
+
+<p>There wuz a tear standin' in every one of my eyes as I said it, for a
+hull tide of emotions from four hundred years past to the present
+swashed up aginst me as I grasped holt of her pretty hand, and we
+parted.</p>
+
+<p>She looked real tender-hearted and good at me, as if she liked me, and
+as if her heart leaned up aginst my heart real clost.</p>
+
+<p>(What duz Ward McAllister and his 'postles know of such rapt moments?)</p>
+
+<p>Her escort driv up in two carriages jest then, and I left her, and as I
+went down the steps on the other side I heard her talkin' volubly to
+'em&mdash;a-describin' the great seen that had took place between us, I dare
+say.</p>
+
+<p>They wuz pleased with it, I could see they wuz fairly a-laughin', they
+wuz so edified and highly tickled. Yes, Spain realizes it, my makin' so
+much on't.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, I didn't stay much longer, for weariness, and also the cords of
+affection, wuz a-drawin' me back to Miss Planks.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, the days and weeks wuz a-wearin' away, and Josiah and I wuz
+a-enjoyin' ourselves first rate.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_517" id="Page_517">[Pg 517]</a></span></p><p>The children, and Isabelle, and Krit wuz a-havin' jest as good a time,
+too, as four smart young folks can have.</p>
+
+<p>Their minds wuz naterally, all four on 'em, as bright as a new dollar,
+and they had been enriched and disciplined by culture and education, so
+there wuz good soil indeed for the marvellous seed sowed here to spring
+up in a bountiful harvest.</p>
+
+<p>They, all four on 'em, enjoyed more than anything else the Congresses,
+and meetin's of the different societies of the world, for noble, and
+humane, and philanthropic interests.</p>
+
+<p>And as for me, if I wuz to be made to tell at the pint of the sword what
+I thought wuz the very best and most glorious product of the World's
+Columbian Fair, I would say I thought it wuz these orations, and
+debates, by the brightest men and wimmen on earth, congregated at
+Columbuses doin's.</p>
+
+<p>They wuz the wreaths of the very finest, sweetest blossoms that crowned
+Uncle Sam's old brow this glorious summer of 1893.</p>
+
+<p>The most advanced thought on religion, art, science, philanthropy, and
+every branch of these noble and riz-up subjects wuz listened to there by
+my own rapt and orstruck ears. And not only the good and eloquent of my
+own Christian race, but Moslem, Buddhist, and Hindoo. Teachers of every
+religious and philosophical s<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_518" id="Page_518">[Pg 518]</a></span>ystem wuz heard, givin' friendly idees, and
+dretful riz-up ones, on every subject designed to increase progress,
+prosperity, and the peace of mankind.</p>
+
+<p>What subjects could be bigger than these, and more important to the
+World and Jonesville? Not any; not one.</p>
+
+<p>And what solid comfort I took through the hull caboodle of 'em&mdash;Peace
+Societies, Temperance, Wimmen's Rights, Sabbath Schools, Kindergarten,
+Christian Science, Woman's protective union, Improvement in dress, etc.,
+etc., and etcetry.</p>
+
+<p>I sot happy as a queen through 'em all, and so did the girls,
+a-listenin' to every topic hearn on the great subject of makin' the old
+world happier and better behaved.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah didn't seem to care so much about it.</p>
+
+<p>He would often excuse himself&mdash;sometimes he would have a headache, but
+most always his headaches would improve so that he could git out into
+the city somewhere or onto the Fair ground. He would most always
+recooperate pretty soon after we started to the Congress, or Lecture
+Hall, or wherever our intellectual treat wuz.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 426px;">
+<img src="images/illus530.png" width="426" height="500"
+alt="Sometimes he would have a headache." title="Sometimes he would have a headache." />
+<span class="caption">Sometimes he would have a headache.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>And when I'd come home I'd find him pretty chipper.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_519" id="Page_519">[Pg 519]</a></span></p>
+<p>And then often the children would come after us in a carriage and take
+us all over the city and out into the suburbs, and display all the
+strange sights to us, or they would take us to the beautiful parks,
+through the long, smooth, beautiful boulevards.</p>
+
+<p>And no city in the world can go ahead of Chicago in this, or so it seems
+to me&mdash;the number and beauty of their parks, and the approaches to them.
+There wuz a considerable number of railroads to cross, and I wuz afraid
+of bein' killed time and agin a-crossin' of 'em, and would mention the
+fact anon, if not oftener; but I didn't git killed, not once.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, so Time run along; roses and ripe fruit wreathed his old
+hour-glass, and we didn't hardly realize how fast he wuz a-swingin' his
+old scythe, and how rapid he was a-walkin'.</p>
+
+<p>Isabelle had promised to come and stay a week with me jest as soon as a
+room was vacant.</p>
+
+<p>And so the day that Gertrude Plank left I writ a affectionate note to
+her, and reminded her of her promise, and that I should expect her that
+evenin' without fail.</p>
+
+<p>I sent the note in the mornin', and at my pardner's request, and also
+agreeable to my own wishes, we meandered out into the Fair grounds agin.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_520" id="Page_520">[Pg 520]</a></span></p>
+<p>There wuz a number of things that we hadn't seen yet, and so there
+would have been if we had stayed there a hull year.</p>
+
+<p>But that day we thought we would tackle the Battle Ship, so we went
+straight to it the nearest way.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, as I looked off and got a plain view of the Illinois, it was
+headed towards me jest right, and I thought it wuz shaped some like my
+biggest flat-iron, or sad-iron, as some call 'em.</p>
+
+<p>And I don't know why, I am sure, unless it is because wimmen are
+middlin' sad when they git a big ironin' in the clothes-basket, and only
+one pair of hands to do it, and mebby green wood, or like as not have to
+pick up their wood, only jest them arms to do it all, them and their
+sad-irons.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, as I say, it wuz headed jest right, so it did look shaped for all
+the world like that old flat-iron that fell on to me from Mother Allen.</p>
+
+<p>Of course it wuz bigger, fur bigger, and had a hull string of flags
+hitched from each end on't to the middle. Wall, it wuz a high,
+good-lookin' banner a-risin' out and perched on top of a curius-lookin'
+smoke-stack.</p>
+
+<p>And for all the world, if that line of flags didn't look some like a
+line of calico clothes a-hangin' out to dry, hitched up in the middle to
+the top of the cherry-tree, and then dwi<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_521" id="Page_521">[Pg 521]</a></span>ndlin' down each end to the
+corner of the house, and the horse barn.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_522" id="Page_522">[Pg 522]</a></span></p><p>But I wouldn't have that Battle-Ship git wind on't that I compared it to
+clothes-lines, and flat-irons, not for a dollar bill; for battle-ships
+are naterally ferocious, and git mad easy.</p>
+
+<p>There wuz sights of good-lookin' flags histed up at one end on't,
+besides the clothes-line full, and lots of men a-standin' round on't.</p>
+
+<p>They didn't seem to act a mite afraid, and I don't spoze I ort to be.</p>
+
+<p>But lo and behold! come to pry into things, and look about and find out,
+as the poet sez, that wuzn't a real ship a-sailin' round, as it looked
+like, but it wuz built up on what they call pilin'&mdash;jest as if Josiah
+should stick sticks up on the edge of the creek, and build a hen-house
+on 'em, or anything.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 352px;">
+<img src="images/illus532.png" width="352" height="500"
+alt="Come to pry into things, and look about and find out, that wuzn&#39;t a real ship."
+title="Come to pry into things, and look about and find out, that wuzn&#39;t a real ship." />
+<span class="caption">Come to pry into things, and look about and find out, that wuzn't a real ship a-sailin' round.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>It is a exact full-sized model, three hundred and forty-eight feet long,
+of one of the new coast-line battle-ships now a-bein' built for the
+safety and protection of our country, at a cost of about three million
+dollars each.</p>
+
+<p>The imitation ship is built on the lake front at the northeastern point
+of Jackson Park. It is all surrounded with water, and has all the
+appearance of bein' moored to the wharf.</p>
+
+<p>It has all the fittin's that belong to the actual ship, and all the
+appliances for workin' it.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_523" id="Page_523">[Pg 523]</a></span></p>
+<p>Officers, seamen, marines, mechanics, are sent there by the navy
+department, and the discipline and way of life on a naval vessel is
+fully shown.</p>
+
+<p>I wuz glad to see that it had a woman for a figger-head.</p>
+
+<p>I guess that the nation thought, after seein' how Miss Palmer went ahead
+and overcome the difficulties in her path, and kep her beautiful face
+serene, and above the swashin' waves of opposition all the time&mdash;they
+thought that they wuzn't afraid to let a woman be riz up on their ship,
+a-lookin' fur out over the waters, and a-takin' the lead.</p>
+
+<p>It looked quite well. There wuz lots of lace-work and ornaments about
+her, but she carried herself first rate.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, the ship as a hull is dretful interestin' to warriors and such,
+and mariners.</p>
+
+<p>As for me, I thought more of statutes, and pictures, and posies, and
+Josiah didn't take to it so much as he did to steers, and horse-rakes,
+and so forth.</p>
+
+<p>But good land! in such a time as this, when there is everything on the
+face of the earth, and under it, and above the earth to see, everybody
+has a perfect right to suit themselves in sights, and side shows.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, we stayed there for some time a-lookin' round, and a-meditatin' on
+how useful this ship and others like it would be in case<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_524" id="Page_524">[Pg 524]</a></span> another war
+should break out, and how them ships and what is contained in 'em would
+be the means of savin' America and Jonesville.</p>
+
+<p>And I had quite a number of emotions, and I guess Josiah did too.</p>
+
+<p>And then we kinder sauntered along on that broad, smooth path by the
+side of Lake Michigan, and kinder looked off onto her with a
+affectionate look, and neighbored some with her.</p>
+
+<p>Her waters looked dretful peaceful and calm, after seein' everybody in
+the hull world, and hearin' every voice that ever wuz hearn, a-talkin'
+in every language, and seein' every strange costume that wuz ever worn,
+and etc., etc., etc.</p>
+
+<p>And so we sauntered along till we got to the Casino, and Music Hall
+a-risin' up at the eastern end of the grand basin.</p>
+
+<p>We had laid out to come here before, and should, most probable, if the
+hull of music had been shet up inside of that tall, impressive-lookin'
+buildin'; but truly music had cheered our souls frequent on our daily
+pilgrimages, so we had neglected to pay attention to the Music Hall and
+Casino till now.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah wuz anxious to attend to it.</p>
+
+<p>And I myself felt that Duty drawed me, bein' quite a case for music.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_525" id="Page_525">[Pg 525]</a></span></p>
+<p>And havin' led the choir for years before my marriage to Josiah Allen,
+and havin' married a man that <i>sez</i> he can sing.</p>
+
+<p>But if the noise he makes is singin', then I would be willin' to say
+that I never had riz the eight notes, or fell 'em neither.</p>
+
+<p>But he sez that he loves music; and he had talked quite a good deal to
+me about the Music Hall and Casino.</p>
+
+<p>That Casino didn't sound quite right; it sounded sunthin' like
+"Seven-Up" and "Pedro," and I told him so.</p>
+
+<p>But he said that "it wuz all right;" he said "that it wuz took from the
+Hebrew."</p>
+
+<p>But I believe he said that to blind my eyes. Wall, when we hove in sight
+of it we see the high towers that riz up above it some distance off,
+with flags a-comin' kinder out of it on both sides, some like a
+stupendious pump, with handles on both sides and red table-cloths
+a-hangin' over 'em, but immense&mdash;immense in height.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, I spozed it would look as well agin there as the Jonesville
+Singin' School, and be fur bigger.</p>
+
+<p>But good land! and good land!</p>
+
+<p>Why, jest the entrance to them buildin's is enough to strike the most
+careless b<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_526" id="Page_526">[Pg 526]</a></span>eholder with or. Such pillows, and such arches, and such
+ornaments, I never expected to see till I got through with <i>this</i>
+planet anyway.</p>
+
+<p>But there wuz one piece of sculpture there that when I see it I
+instinctively stopped stun still and gazed up at it with mingled
+feelin's of pride and sorrow.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz a chariot in which stood the Discoverer, a-lookin' off,
+fur-sighted, and determined, and prophetic, and everything else that
+could be expected of that noble Prophet and Martyr, Columbus.</p>
+
+<p>The chariot wuz drawn by four high-headed and likely horses as I ever
+see. But alas! for my own sect.</p>
+
+<p>Two noble and beautiful wimmen stood a-walkin' afoot, barefoot
+too&mdash;stood right there between the horses, each one a-holdin' the bits
+of two of them high-headed beasts, and their huffs ready to kick at 'em.
+They didn't look afraid a mite, so I don't know as I need to worry about
+'em.</p>
+
+<p>But I couldn't help thinkin'&mdash;that is the way that it has always been,
+men a-ridin' the chariots of Power, drawed by satisfied ambition, and
+enterprise, and social and legal powers, and the wimmen a-walkin' along
+afoot by the side of the chariot, and a-leadin' the horses.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_527" id="Page_527">[Pg 527]</a></span></p><p>Bringin' men into the world, nurturin' 'em, comfortin' 'em through life,
+and weepin' over their tomb.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, she has led the horse, but walked afoot, and the stuns have been
+sharp and cold under her bare feet, and the dust from the chariot has
+riz up and blinded her sad eyes time and agin, so's that she couldn't
+look off any distance. The horses have been hard bitted; their high
+huffs and heads drawed dretful hard at the bit held in her weak grasp,
+and she has been kicked a good deal by their sharp huffs.</p>
+
+<p>On the two off horses there wuz two figgers a-holdin' up high gorgeous
+banners; of course they wuz men, and of course they wuz ridin'.</p>
+
+<p>Three men a-ridin' and two wimmen a-walkin' afoot; it didn't seem right.</p>
+
+<p>Not that I begretched Columbus&mdash;that noble creeter&mdash;the ease he had; if
+I'd had my way I'd had a good spring seat fixed onto that chariot, so
+that he could rid a-settin' down; or, at any rate, I'd laid a board
+acrost it, with a buffalo robe on't. I wouldn't had him a-standin' up.</p>
+
+<p>It hain't because I've got anything aginst Columbus&mdash;no indeed; but I am
+such a well-wisher of my own sect that I hate to see 'em in such a
+tryin' place.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_528" id="Page_528">[Pg 528]</a></span></p><p>But I wuz glad of one thing, and mebby that wuz one thing that made them
+poor wimmen look so fearless and sort of riz up.</p>
+
+<p>They wuz in the East&mdash;they wuz in the past; the sun wuz a-movin' along,
+they could foller its rays along into the golden day. Why, right before
+'em, on the other side of the basin, with only a little water between
+'em that would soon be crossed, they could see a woman a-towerin' up a
+hundred feet, in plain view of all the countries of the assembled world,
+a-holdin' in her outstretched hand the emblems of Power and Liberty.</p>
+
+<p>But to resoom: Josiah and I had a first-rate time there at that Music
+Hall, and enjoyed ourselves first rate a-hearin' that most melodious
+music, though pretty loud, and a-seein' the Musicianers all dressed up
+in the gayest colors, as if they wuz officers.</p>
+
+<p>And truly they wuz. They marshalled the rank and file of that most
+powerful army on earth, the grand onseen forces of melody, that
+vanquishes the civilized and savage alike, and charms the very beast and
+reptile.</p>
+
+<p>The sweet power that moves the world, and the only earth delight that we
+know will greet us in the land of the Immortals.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_529" id="Page_529">[Pg 529]</a></span></p>
+<p>Truly the hour we spent there wuz long, long to be remembered.</p>
+
+<p>And after we reluctantly left the Hall of Melody, the music still
+swelled out and come to our ears in hauntin' echoes.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah had wandered away to a little distance to see sunthin' or ruther
+that had attracted his attention, and I stood still, lost in thought,
+and almost by the side of myself, a-listenin' to the low, sobbin' music
+of the band.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 323px;">
+<img src="images/illus539.png" width="323" height="500"
+alt="A-listenin&#39; to the low, sobbin&#39; music."
+title="A-listenin&#39; to the low, sobbin&#39; music." />
+<span class="caption">A-listenin' to the low, sobbin' music.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>I wuz almost by the side of myself with my rapt emotions when I hearn a
+voice that recalled me to myself&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Drusilla, I'm clean beat out."</p>
+
+<p>"Are you, Deacon Sypher? Wall, it is because you are so smart, and see
+so much."</p>
+
+<p>Truly, thinkses I, it don't take much smartness to see much in this
+place.</p>
+
+<p>But instinctively with that idee come the thought&mdash;nobody but Drusilla
+Sypher could or would make that admirin' remark.</p>
+
+<p>And I turned and advanced onto 'em with a calm mean.</p>
+
+<p>But I see in that first look that they looked haggard and wan, as wan
+agin as I ever see 'em look, and fur, fur haggard<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_530" id="Page_530">[Pg 530]</a></span>er. They looked all
+broke up, and their clothes looked all rumpled up and seedy, some as if
+they had slept in 'em for some weeks. But I hain't one to desert old
+friends under any circumstances, so I advanced onto 'em, and sez, with a
+mean that looked welcomin' and glad&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Why, Drusilla and Deacon Sypher," sez I, "how glad I am to see you!
+When did you come? Have you been here long?"</p>
+
+<p>And they said "they had been in Chicago some five weeks."</p>
+
+<p>"Is that so?" sez I. "And how have you enjoyed the Fair? I spoze you
+have seen a good deal, if you have been here so long."</p>
+
+<p>Sez Drusilly, "This is the first time we have been on to the Fair
+ground."</p>
+
+<p>"Why'ee!" sez I, "what wuz the matter?"</p>
+
+<p>She turned round, and see that Deacon Sypher had stopped some distance
+away to speak to my pardner and to look at sunthin' or ruther, and she
+told me all about it.</p>
+
+<p>She said that the Deacon had thought that it would be cheaper to live in
+a tent, and cook over a alcohol lamp; so they had hired a cheap tent,
+and went to livin' in it.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_531" id="Page_531">[Pg 531]</a></span></p>
+<p>But a hard wind and rain-storm come up the very first night, and blew
+the hull tent away; so they had to live under a umbrell the first night
+in a hard rain.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, she took a awful cold, and by the time they got the tent fastened
+down agin she wuz down with a sore throat and wuz feverish, and couldn't
+be left alone a minit, so the doctor said.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 418px;">
+<img src="images/illus541.png" width="418" height="500"
+alt="She took a awful cold." title="She took a awful cold." />
+<span class="caption">She took a awful cold.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>So the Deacon had to stay with her night and day, and change poultices,
+and give medicine, etc., and he had to hire porridges made for her, and
+things.</p>
+
+<p>There wouldn't any of the campers round 'em do anything for 'em; for he
+had, accordin' to his own wishes, got right into a perfect nest of
+Prohibitionists. The Deacon wuz perfectly devoted to the temperance
+cause himself&mdash;wouldn't drink a drop to save his life&mdash;and dretful
+bitter and onforgivin' to them that drinked.</p>
+
+<p>But it happened that bottle of alcohol for their lamp got broke right
+onto the Deacon's clothes. His vest, and pantaloons, and coat wuz jest
+soaked with it; so's when he went after help they called him an old
+soaker, and said if he'd been sober the tent wouldn't have broke <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_532" id="Page_532">[Pg 532]</a></span>loose.
+They scorfed at him fearful, and wouldn't do a thing to help him.</p>
+
+<p>He told 'em he wuz a strict tetoteler, and hadn't drinked a drop for
+over forty years.</p>
+
+<p>And they said, "Git out, you wretched old sot! You smell like a saloon!"</p>
+
+<p>And another said, "Don't tell any of your lies to me, when jest one
+whiff of your breath is enough to make a man reel."</p>
+
+<p>It cut the Deacon up dretful to be accused of drinkin' and lyin'. But
+they wouldn't one of 'em help a mite, and it kep him boned right down
+a-waitin' on her.</p>
+
+<p>And they, jest as she got a little better, there come on a drizzlin'
+rain, and it soaked right down through the tent, and run in under it, so
+they wuz a-drippin', both on 'em.</p>
+
+<p>But the Deacon took it worse than she did, for he elevated her onto
+their trunks, made a bed up on top of 'em for her as well as he could.</p>
+
+<p>But he got soaked through and through, and it brung on rumatiz, and he
+couldn't move for over nine days. And the doctors said that his case wuz
+critical.</p>
+
+<p>Of course she couldn't leave him, and havin' to cook over a alcohol
+lamp, it kep her to home every minit, even if he could be left.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_533" id="Page_533">[Pg 533]</a></span></p><p>So she said they got discouraged, and their bills run up so high for
+doctors, and medicines, and plasters, etc., that they calculated to
+break up tent and go and board for a few days, git a look at the Fair,
+and then go home.</p>
+
+<p>And sez she, "I spoze you have been here every day."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez I; "we would have a nice warm breakfast and supper at our
+boardin' place, and a good comfortable bed to sleep in, and we would buy
+our dinner here on the Fair ground, and we have kep real well."</p>
+
+<p>She looked enviously at me out of her pale and haggard face.</p>
+
+<p>Sez she, "We have both ruined our stomachs a-livin' on crackers and
+cheese. I shall never see a well day agin! And we both have got rumatiz
+for life, a-layin' round out-doors. It is dangerous at our time of
+life," sez she.</p>
+
+<p>"What made you do it, Drusilla?" sez I.</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," she said, "the Deacon wanted to; he thought he couldn't afford
+to board in a house; and you know," sez Drusilla, "that the Deacon is a
+man of most splendid judgment."</p>
+
+<p>"Not in this case," sez I.</p>
+
+<p>And then, at my request, she told me what they had paid out for doctors
+and medicines, and it come to five dollars and 6<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_534" id="Page_534">[Pg 534]</a></span>3 cents more than Josiah
+and I had paid for our board, and gate fees, and everything. And that
+didn't count in the cost of their two dyspeptic boards, or their agony
+in sickness and sufferin', or their total loss of happiness and
+instruction at the Fair.</p>
+
+<p>When we reckoned this up Drusilla come the nighest to disapprovin' of
+the Deacon's management that I ever knew her to. She sez, and it wuz
+strong language for Drusilla Sypher to use&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Sez she, "If it had been any other man but Deacon Sypher that had done
+this, I should been mad as a hen. But the Deacon is, as you well know,
+Josiah Allen's Wife, a wonderful man."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez I, "Drusilla, I know it, and have known it for some time."</p>
+
+<p>She looked real contented, and then I sez&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Josiah Allen had got his mind all made up to tent out durin' the Fair.
+But I broke it up," sez I&mdash;"I broke it up in time!"</p>
+
+<p>At this very minit Josiah and Deacon Sypher come back to us, the Deacon
+a-limpin', and a-lookin' ten years older than when we last seen him in
+Jonesville. And my pardner pert, and upright, and fat, under my
+management.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, we four stayed together the rest of the day, a-lookin' at one
+thing and another.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_535" id="Page_535">[Pg 535]</a></span></p><p>And when we got home that night, lo and behold! Isabelle had come jest
+before we did.</p>
+
+<p>And supper wuz all ready&mdash;or dinner, as they all called it; but I don't
+know as it makes much difference when you are hungry. The vittles taste
+jest about the same&mdash;awful good, anyway.</p>
+
+<p>We wuz pretty late, so there wuzn't anybody to the table but jest
+Isabelle and Josiah and me.</p>
+
+<p>And we three had a dretful good visit with each other. She is jest as
+sweet as a rosey in June.</p>
+
+<p>I make no matches, nor break none. But I couldn't help tellin' Josiah
+Allen in confidence from time to time that it did seem to me that
+Isabelle and Mr. Freeman wuz cut out for each other.</p>
+
+<p>Every time I see Isabelle&mdash;and Krit and Thomas J. had often made some
+app'intment where our family party could all meet&mdash;and every time I see
+her, I liked her better and better.</p>
+
+<p>And Maggie, who of course had seen more of her than I had, bein' in the
+same house with her, she told me in confidence, and in the Mexican
+Exhibit, that "Isabelle was an angel."</p>
+
+<p>No, I make no matches, nor break none.</p>
+
+<p>But I happened to speak sort of axidently as it were to Mr. Freeman one
+day, and told him my niece wuz a-comin' to spend a week with me, jest as
+quick as Miss Planks step-sister's daughter's cousin got away. (Miss
+Plank, lik<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_536" id="Page_536">[Pg 536]</a></span>e the rest of Chicago freeholders, had relations back to the
+3d and 4th generation come onto 'em like flocks of ravenin'
+grasshoppers or locusses, durin' the Fair.)</p>
+
+<p>And I sez&mdash;though I am the one that hadn't ort to say it, mebby&mdash;"She is
+one of the sweetest girls on earth."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "I call her a girl, though I spoze I ort to call her a woman, for
+she is one in years. But because she hain't never been married," sez I
+presently, "hain't, no reason that she couldn't be, for she has had
+offers, and offers, and might be married any day now.</p>
+
+<p>"But," sez I, "she kep single from duty once, and now it seems to be
+from choice."</p>
+
+<p>He sort of smiled with his eyes. He wuz used to such talk, I spoze. Good
+land! the wimmen all made perfect fools of themselves about him.</p>
+
+<p>But he sez in his pleasant way, "I shall be very glad to meet your
+niece. I shall be sure to like her, if she is any like her aunt."</p>
+
+<p>Pretty admirin' talk, that wuz. But good land! Josiah sot right there,
+and he wuzn't jealous a mite. Mr. Freeman wuz young enough to be my boy,
+anyway. And then Josiah knew what I had in my mind.</p>
+
+<p>But I told my pardner that night, sez I&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_537" id="Page_537">[Pg 537]</a></span></p><p>"I hain't mentioned Mr. Freeman's name to Isabelle, and hain't a-goin'
+to; for one reason, she wouldn't come nigh the house if she knew what I
+wuz a-thinkin' on, and for another reason, I am a-goin' to try to stop
+a-thinkin' on't. He took it so beautiful, and he has match-makers
+a-besettin' him so much, I dare presoom to say he mistrusted what I wuz
+up to in my own mind. And, like as not, Isabelle wouldn't look at him,
+or any other man, anyway.</p>
+
+<p>"But I wouldn't have thought on't in the first place," sez I, "if
+Isabelle hadn't been such a born angel, and seemed cut out a purpose for
+him by Providence. But I shall try to stop a-thinkin' on't."</p>
+
+<p>And sez Josiah, "You had better have done that in the first place."</p>
+
+<p>Wall, I wuz as good as my word. I didn't say another word <i>pro</i> nor
+<i>con</i>. But I kep up a-thinkin' inside of me, bein' but mortal, and
+havin' two eyes in my head.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, as I say, finally Gertrude Plank had left her room vacant, and our
+niece had come to us with a cheerful face and one small trunk full of
+neccessaries for her week's visit.</p>
+
+<p>I call her our niece, though she wuzn't quite that relationship to us.
+But it is quite hard sometimes to git the relationship headed right, and
+marshal 'em out i<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_538" id="Page_538">[Pg 538]</a></span>nto company before you&mdash;specially when they are fifth
+or sixth cousins.</p>
+
+<p>And I thought, bein' our ages wuz such, and our affections wuz so
+strong, back and forth, that it would be jest as well to jest use that
+plain term aunt and uncle and niece&mdash;it looked better, anyway, as our
+ages stood. And I didn't think it wuz anything wrong, for good land! we
+are called uncle and aunt, my Josiah and me are, by lots of folks that
+hain't no sort of kin to us, and Isabelle wuz related to us anyway by
+kin and by soul ties.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, to resoom: the evenin' after Isabelle got there it wuz burnin'
+warm in my room. And her room wuz still worse, way up on top of the
+house; but it wuz the best room that we could git for her, and she wuz
+contented with it for the sake of bein' with her Uncle Josiah and me.</p>
+
+<p>After we got up from the supper-table&mdash;Mr. Freeman wuz away that day,
+but I felt free to take her into that big, cool room, and so we went
+into that beautiful place.</p>
+
+<p>And then, all of a sudden, as Isabelle stood there in front of that
+pretty girl down by the medder brook amongst the deep grasses&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>All of a sudden it come to me who the girl looked like: it wuz Isabelle.</p>
+
+<p>As she stood in front of it, in her long white dress, with her white
+hands cl<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_539" id="Page_539">[Pg 539]</a></span>asped loose in front of her, and her auburn hair pushed back
+careless from her beautiful face, I see the girl in the picture, or as
+she would be if she had grown refined and beautiful by sorrow and a
+sweet patience and reasonableness, which is the twin of Patience, both
+on 'em the children of Pain.</p>
+
+<p>As I stood there a-lookin' at her in admiration and surprise, I heard a
+sound behind me. It wuzn't a cry nor a sithe, but it wuz sunthin'
+different from both, more eager like, and deadly earnest, and
+dumbfoundered.</p>
+
+<p>And then it wuz Mr. Freeman's voice I knew that said&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"My God! am I a-dreamin'?"</p>
+
+<p>And then Isabelle turned, and her face filled with a rapturous surprise
+and joy, and everything.</p>
+
+<p>And sez she&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Tom!"</p>
+
+<p>And he jest rushed forward, and in a secent had her in his arms. And I
+bust out a-cryin', and turned my back to 'em, and went out.</p>
+
+<p>But it wuzn't more than a few minutes before they rapped at my door, and
+their faces looked like the faces of two angels who have left the
+sorrows of earth and got into Heaven at last.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_540" id="Page_540">[Pg 540]</a></span></p><p>And I cried agin, and Isabelle cried as I held her in my arms silently,
+and kissed her a dozen times, and I presoom more.</p>
+
+<p>And Mr. Freeman kissed me on my left cheek, and wrung my hand that hard
+that that right hand ached hard more'n a hour and a half. And I bathed
+it in arneky and water long enough after Isabelle had gone to her room,
+and Mr. Freeman to hisen.</p>
+
+<p>For till this mortal has put on immortality folks have to eat and sleep,
+and if their hands are wrung half off, either through happiness or
+anger, flesh, while it is corruptible, will ache, and bones will cry out
+if most crushed down.</p>
+
+<p>But arneky relieved the pain, and the light of the mornin' showed the
+faces of these reunited lovers, full of such a radiant bliss that it did
+one's soul good even to look at 'em.</p>
+
+<p>It seems that Isabelle had told him in that long-ago time when they
+parted that she wouldn't keep up a correspondence with him. She felt
+that she had ort to leave him free. And he wuz poor, and he would not
+fetter her with a memory she might perhaps better forgit. Poor things!
+lovin' and half broken-hearted, and both hampered with duties, and both
+good as gold.</p>
+
+<p>So they parted, she to take care of her feeble parents, and he to take
+care of his invalid mother and the two little ones.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_541" id="Page_541">[Pg 541]</a></span></p><p>But lo and behold! after they had lived in that Western city for a few
+years, Tom a-workin' hard as he could to keep the wolf from the door,
+and from devourin' the three helpless ones, his brother returned from
+California as rich as a Jew, and he took his two little girls back with
+him and put 'em in school, and give Tom the money to start in business,
+and he wuz fortunate beyend any tellin'&mdash;got independent rich; then his
+ma wuz took sick and died, he a-waitin' on her devoted to the very last.</p>
+
+<p>Then, heart-hungry and lonesome, he broke through the vow he had made,
+and writ to Isabelle; but Isabelle had gone from the old place&mdash;she
+didn't git the letters.</p>
+
+<p>Then he writ agin, for his love wuz strong and his pride weak&mdash;weak as a
+cat. True Love will always have that effect on pride and resolve, etc.</p>
+
+<p>But no answer came back to his longin' and waitin' heart.</p>
+
+<p>And then, I spoze, Pride kinder riz up agin, and he said to himself that
+he wouldn't worry her and weary her with letters that she didn't think
+enough of to answer.</p>
+
+<p>And he had about made up his mind that all he should ever see of
+Isabelle would be the shadder of her beauty in the girl by the old
+medder bars, standin' in the fresh grasses, by the laughin' brook,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_542" id="Page_542">[Pg 542]</a></span> all
+lookin' so like the dear old farm when he won her love so long ago.</p>
+
+<p>That dead, mute, irresponsive picture wuz more to him than any livin',
+breathin' woman could ever be.</p>
+
+<p>So he camped down before it, as you may say, for life&mdash;that is, he
+thought so; but Providence wuz a-watchin' over him, and his thoughtful,
+unselfish kindness to a stranger, or strangers, wuz to be rewarded with
+the prize of love and bliss.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, the World's Fair wuz, I spoze, looked on by many a pair of glad
+eyes. Hearts that throbbed high with happiness beat on through them
+majestic rooms. But happier hearts and gladder eyes never glowed and
+rejoiced in 'em than Isabelle's and her handsome lover's.</p>
+
+<p>And wuzn't Krit glad? Wuzn't he glad of soul to see Isabelle's
+happiness? Yes, indeed! And Maggie and Thomas Jefferson.</p>
+
+<p>Why, of course we wouldn't sing out loud in public, not for anything. We
+knew it wouldn't do to go along the streets or in the halls and
+corridors of the World's Fair, a-singin' as loud as we could&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Joy to the World!"</p>
+
+<p>Or, "What amazin' bliss is this!" or anything else of that kind&mdash;no, we
+wuz too well-bread to attempt it<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_543" id="Page_543">[Pg 543]</a></span>; but inside of us we jest sung for joy,
+the hull set and caboodle of us.</p>
+
+<p>All but Miss Plank, and a few old maids and widders, and such, who mebby
+had had hopes. Miss Plank looked and acted as flat and crushed down as
+one of her favorite cakes, or as if she wuz a-layin' under her own
+sirname.</p>
+
+<p>She said she hated to lose the profit of such a boarder, and mebby that
+wuz it&mdash;I don't say it wuzn't. But this I know, wimmen will keep up
+hopes, moles or no moles, and age has no power to keep out expectations.</p>
+
+<p>But I make no insinuations, nor will take none. She said that it wuz
+money she hated to lose, and mebby it wuz.</p>
+
+<p>But on that question I riz up her hopes agin, for Mr. Freeman wuz bound
+on bein' married imegatly and to once, and he said that they would
+remain right there for the remainder of the year at least.</p>
+
+<p>Isabelle hung off, and wanted to go back to Jonesville and be married to
+our house, as I warmly urged 'em to.</p>
+
+<p>But Mr. Freeman, lookin' decided and firm as anything you ever see, he
+sez to Isabelle&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Do you suppose I am ever goin' to lose sight of you agin? No indeed!"</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_544" id="Page_544">[Pg 544]</a></span></p><p>And I sez, "Wall, come right home with us to Jonesville, and keep your
+eyes on her."</p>
+
+<p>I wuz as happy as a king, and he knew it. And he thinks a sight of me,
+for it wuz through me, he sez, that their meetin' wuz brought about.</p>
+
+<p>He didn't say he wouldn't do that, so I wuz greatly in hopes that that
+would be the way it would turn out.</p>
+
+<p>I thought to myself, "Oh, how I would love to have 'em married in my
+parlor, right back of the hangin' lamp!"</p>
+
+<p>The semi-detatched widder said she got a letter about that time bringin'
+her bad news, trials, and tribulations, so it wuzn't to be wondered that
+she looked sad and worried. Mebby she did git such a letter.</p>
+
+<p>But anyway she and Miss Plank made up with each other. They become clost
+friends. Miss Plank told me, "She loved her like a sister."</p>
+
+<p>And the semi-detatched widder told me, "If she ever see a woman that she
+thought more on than she did her own mother, it wuz Miss Plank."</p>
+
+<p>Wall, I wuz glad enough to see 'em reconciled, for they had been at such
+sword's pints, as you may say, that it made it dretful disagreeable to
+the other boarders.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Piddock acted, and I believe wuz tickled, to see Mr. Freeman's
+happiness; for<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_545" id="Page_545">[Pg 545]</a></span> he didn't make any secret of it, and couldn't, if he
+wanted to. For radiant eyes and blissful smiles would have told the
+story of his joy, if his lips hadn't.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Piddock said that "if Mr. Piddock had been alive that he could say
+truly that he could sympathize with him in every respect, for that dear
+departed man had known, if anybody had, true connubial bliss."</p>
+
+<p>And then she brung up such piles of reminiscences of that man, that I
+felt as if I must sink under 'em.</p>
+
+<p>But I didn't; I managed to keep my head above 'em, and keep on
+a-breathin' as calm and stiddy as I could.</p>
+
+<p>Even Nony acted a trifle less bitter and austeer when he heard the news,
+and made the remark, "That he hoped that he would be happy." But there
+wuz a dark and shudderin' oncertainty and onbelief in his cold eyes as
+he said that "Hope" that wuz dretful deprestin' to me&mdash;not to Mr.
+Freeman; no, that blessed creeter wuz too <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_546" id="Page_546">[Pg 546]</a></span>happy to be affected by such
+glacial congratulations as Nony Piddock's.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVIII" id="CHAPTER_XVIII"></a>CHAPTER XVIII.</h2>
+
+
+<p>Of course, feelin' as I did about my Uncle Samuel, it wouldn't have done
+to not gone to the Government Buildin', where he makes his headquarters,
+so to say.</p>
+
+<p>Like the other palaces, this is so vast that it seemed as we stepped up
+to it some like wadin' out into Lake Michigan to examine her.</p>
+
+<p>We couldn't do it&mdash;we couldn't do justice to Michigan with one pair of
+feet and eyes&mdash;no, indeed.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, no more we couldn't do justice to these buildin's unless we laid
+out to live as long as Methusleah did, and hang round here for a hundred
+years or so.</p>
+
+<p>We had to go by a lot of officers all dressed up in uniforms. But we
+wuzn't afraid&mdash;we knew we hadn't done anything to make us afraid.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah wuz considerable interested in the enormous display of rifles,
+and all the machinery for makin' 'em, and sho<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_547" id="Page_547">[Pg 547]</a></span>win' how and where the
+destructive instruments used in war are made.</p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz dummy cavalry horses, and men, and ponies, and
+cattle, showin' the early means for transportation of the mails,
+compared with the modern way of carryin' it on lightnin' coaches.</p>
+
+<p>But it wuz a treat indeed to me to see the original papers writ by our
+noble forefathers.</p>
+
+<p>To be sure, they wuz considerable faded out, so that I couldn't read 'em
+much of any; but it wuz a treat indeed to jest see the paper on which
+the hands of them good old creeters had rested while they shaped the
+Destinies of the New World.</p>
+
+<p>They held the pen, but the Almighty held the hands, and guided them over
+the paper.</p>
+
+<p>When I see with my own two eyes, and my Josiah's eyes, which makes four
+eyes of my own (for are we two not one? Yes, indeed, we are a good deal
+of the time)&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Wall, when I see with these four eyes the very paper that Washington,
+the Immortal Founder of His Country, had rested his own hand on&mdash;when I
+see the very handwritin' of his right hand and the written thoughts of
+hisen, which made it seem some like lookin' into the inside of that
+revered and noble head, my feelin's riz up so that they wuz almost
+beyend my control, and I had to lean back hard on the pillow<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_548" id="Page_548">[Pg 548]</a></span> of
+megumness that I always carry with me to stiddy myself with.</p>
+
+<p>I had to lean hard, or I should have been perfectly wobblin' and broke
+up.</p>
+
+<p>And then to see Jefferson's writin', and Hamilton's, and Benjamin
+Franklin's&mdash;he who also discovered a New World, the mystic World that we
+draw on with such a stiddy and increasin' demand for supplies of light,
+and heat, and motion, and everything&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>When I see the very writin' of that hand that had drawed down the
+lightnin', and had hitched it to the car of commerce and progress&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Oh, what feelin's I felt, and how many of 'em&mdash;it wuz a sight.</p>
+
+<p>And then I see the Proclamation of the President; and though I always
+made a practice of skippin' 'em when I see 'em in the newspaper, somehow
+they looked different to me here.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 471px;">
+<img src="images/illus559.png" width="471" height="500"
+alt="I see the Proclamation of the President." title="I see the Proclamation of the President." />
+<span class="caption">I see the Proclamation of the President.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>And then there wuz agreements with Foreign Powers, and some of them
+Powers' own handwritin' photographed; and lots of treaties made by Uncle
+Sam&mdash;some of 'em, espe<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_549" id="Page_549">[Pg 549]</a></span>cially them with the Injuns, I guess the least
+said about the soonest mended, but the biggest heft on 'em I guess he
+has kept&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Treaties of peace and alliance, pardon of Louisiana and Florida, Alaska,
+etc., all in Uncle Sam's own handwritin'.</p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz the arms of the United States&mdash;and hain't it a sight
+how fur them arms reach out north and south, east and west&mdash;protectin'
+and fosterin' arms a good deal of the time they are, and then how strong
+they can hit when they feel like it!</p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz the big seal of the United States.</p>
+
+<p>I had read a description of it to Josiah that mornin', and had explained
+it all out to him&mdash;all about the Argant, and Jules, and the breast of
+the American Eagle displayed proper.</p>
+
+<p>I sez, "That means that it is proper for a bird to display its breast in
+public places; and," sez I, "though it don't speak right out, it
+probable means to gin a strong hint to fashionable wimmen.</p>
+
+<p>"And then," says I, "it holds in its dexter talons a olive branch. That
+means that it is so dextrous in wavin' that branch round and gittin'
+holt of what it wants.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_550" id="Page_550">[Pg 550]</a></span></p><p>"And holdin' in its sinister talons a bunch of arrows." Sez I, "That
+means that in war it is so awful sinister, and lets them arrows fly
+onto its enemies where they are needed most."</p>
+
+<p>And then the Eagle holds in its beak a strip of paper with "E. Pluribus
+Unum" on it, which means "One formed out of many."</p>
+
+<p>And how many countries will wheel into the procession and become part of
+the great one as the centuries go on? I don't believe Uncle Sam has the
+least idee; I know I hain't, nor Josiah.</p>
+
+<p>For on the back part is a pyramiad unfinished; no knowin' how many
+bricks will yet be laid on top of that pyramiad, or how high it will
+shoot up into the heavens.</p>
+
+<p>And then there is a big eye surrounded with a Glory.</p>
+
+<p>The eye of the United States most likely, and I spozed mebby it meant
+big I and little You.</p>
+
+<p>I didn't know exactly what it did mean till I catched sight of the words
+above, meanin' "The eye of Providence is favorable to our undertakin's."</p>
+
+<p>And then I felt better, and hoped it wuz so.</p>
+
+<p>Down under the pyramiad is words meanin' "A New Order of Centuries."</p>
+
+<p>That riz me up still more, for I knew it wuz true. Yes; when Columbus
+pinted the prow of that caraval of hisen towards t<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_551" id="Page_551">[Pg 551]</a></span>he New World, the
+water broke on each side of it, a-washin' back towards the Old World
+the decayin' creeds and orders of the Old World, and the ripples that
+danced ahead on't, clear acrost the Atlantic, wuz a-carryin' new laws,
+new governments; and hoverin' over the prow as it swept on in the
+darkness and the dawn, onseen to any eye, not even the prophetic eye of
+the discoverer, hovered the great angels Liberty, Equal Rights, and
+Human Brotherhood.</p>
+
+<p>For them angels could see further than we can; they could see clear
+ahead when the iron chains should fall from black wrists, and as mighty
+chains, though wrought with gold, mebby, should fall from the delicate
+white wrists of mother, and wife, and sister.</p>
+
+<p>It could see that this indeed wuz "A New Order of Centuries."</p>
+
+<p>And then we see&mdash;kep jest as careful as though it wuz pure gold and
+diamonds&mdash;the petition of the Colonies to the King of England. And I'll
+bet England has been sorry enuff to think it didn't hear to 'em, and act
+a little more lenient to 'em.</p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz the old Constitution of the United States, in the
+very handwritin' of its immortal framer.</p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz the Declaration of Independence.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_552" id="Page_552">[Pg 552]</a></span></p>
+<p>Good, likely old document as ever wuz made. I know I hain't felt
+towards it as I'd ort to time and agin, when I've hearn it read Fourth
+of Julys by a long-winded orator, in muggy and sultry dog-days in
+Jonesville.</p>
+
+<p>But though, as I ort to own up, I've turned my back onto it at sech
+times, I've allers respected it deeply, and it wuz indeed a treat to see
+it now&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>The very paper, writ in the darkness of oncertainty, and hopelessness,
+and despair of our forefathers, and which them four old fathers wuz
+willin' to seal with their blood.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, if that piece of yeller, faded old paper could jest speak out and
+tell what emotions wuz a-rackin' the hearts, and what wild dreams and
+despairs wuz a-hantin' the brains of the ones that bent over it in that
+dark day, 1776&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Why, the World's Fair would be thrilled to its inmost depths; Chicago
+would tremble from its ground floor up to its 20th and 30th story, and
+Josiah and I would be perfectly browbeat and stunted.</p>
+
+<p>But it wuzn't to be; only the old yeller paper remained writ over with
+them immortal words. Their wild emotions, their dreams, their despairs,
+and their raptures have passed away, bloomin' out agin in the nation's
+glory and grandeur.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_553" id="Page_553">[Pg 553]</a></span></p>
+<p>And then we see amongst the treaties with foreign powers friendship
+tokens from semi-barbarous tribes and nations&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Poor little gifts that didn't always buy friendship and justice, and I'd
+told Uncle Sam so right to his old face if I'd've met him there as I wuz
+a-lookin' at 'em. I'd a done it if he had turned me right out of the
+Government Buildin' the next minit.</p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz the first cannon ever brought to America, and the
+first church-bell ever rung in America, and picters of every place that
+Columbus ever had anything to do with, and a hull set of photographs of
+hisen. Good creeter! it is a shame and a disgrace that there is so many
+on 'em, and all lookin' so different&mdash;as different as Josiah and Queen
+Elizabeth.</p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz everything relatin' to conquest&mdash;conquest of Mexico
+and etc., and everything about the food and occupations of men&mdash;all
+sorts of food, savage and civilized, and all sorts of occupations, from
+makin' molasses to gatherin' tea.</p>
+
+<p>And there wuz the most perfect collection of coins and medals ever
+made&mdash;7500 coins and 2300 medals. There wuz some kinder stern-lookin'
+guards a-watchin' over these, but they had no need to be afraid; I
+wouldn't have meddled with one <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_554" id="Page_554">[Pg 554]</a></span>of 'em no more'n I'd've torn out the Book
+of Job out of the family Bible.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 372px;">
+<img src="images/illus565.png" width="372" height="500"
+alt="Stern-lookin&#39; guards a-watchin&#39; over the coins."
+title="Stern-lookin&#39; guards a-watchin&#39; over the coins." />
+<span class="caption">Stern-lookin' guards a-watchin' over the coins.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>There wuz everything under the sun that could be seen in South America,
+from a mule to a orchid.</p>
+
+<p>And in the centre of the buildin' wuz a section of the great Sequois
+tree from California. The tree is twenty-five feet in diameter, and has
+been hollowed out, and a stairway built up inside of it. Stairs inside
+of a tree! Good land!</p>
+
+<p>But what is the use, I have only waded out a few steps. The deep lake
+lays before us.</p>
+
+<p>I hain't gin much idee of all there is to see in that buildin', and I
+hain't in any on 'em.</p>
+
+<p>You have got to swim out for yourself, and then you may have some idee
+of the vastness on't. But you can't describe 'em, I don't
+believe&mdash;nobody can't.</p>
+
+<p>In front of that buildin' we see one of the two largest guns ever made
+in the world.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz made in Essen, Germany. It weighs two hundred and seventy
+thousand pounds, and is forty-seven feet long.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_555" id="Page_555">[Pg 555]</a></span></p><p>It will hit anything sixteen miles off, and with perfect accuracy and
+effect at a distance of twelve miles.</p>
+
+<p>Good land! further than from Zoar to Shackville.</p>
+
+<p>It costs one thousand two hundred and fifty dollars to discharge it
+once. As Josiah looked at it, sez he&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, how I do wish I had sech a gun! How I could rake off the crows with
+it in plantin' time! Why," sez he, "by shootin' it off once or twice I
+could clear the hull country of 'em from Jonesville to Loontown."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez I; "and have you got a thousand dollars to pay for every
+batch of crows you kill, besides damages&mdash;heavy damages&mdash;for killin'
+human bein's, and horses, and cows, and sech?"</p>
+
+<p>And he gin in that it wouldn't be feasible to own one. And I sez, "I
+wouldn't have one on the premises if Mr. Krupp should give me one."</p>
+
+<p>So we wended onwards.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, about the most interestin' and surprisin' hours I enjoyed at
+Columbuses doin's wuz to the stately house set apart for that great
+wizard of the 19th century&mdash;Electricity.</p>
+
+<p>As wuz befittin', most the first thing that our eyes fell on wuz a big,
+noble statute of Benjamin Franklin. He stands with his kite in his hand,
+a-loo<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_556" id="Page_556">[Pg 556]</a></span>kin' up with a rapt look as if waitin' for instructions from on
+high.</p>
+
+<p>He seemed to be guardin' the entrance to this temple, and he looked as
+if he wuz glad to be there, and I truly wuz glad to have him there.</p>
+
+<p>For he ort to be put side by side with Christopher Columbus. Both sailed
+out on the onknown, both discovered a new world.</p>
+
+<p>Columbuses world we have got the lay on now considerable, and we have
+mapped it out and counted the inhabitants.</p>
+
+<p>But who&mdash;who shall map out this vast realm that Benjamin F. discovered?</p>
+
+<p>We stand jest by the sea-shore. We have jest landed from our boats. The
+onbroken forest lays before us, and beyend is deep valleys, and high,
+sun-kissed mountains, and rushin' rivers.</p>
+
+<p>A few trees have been felled by Morse, Edison, Field and others, so that
+we can git glimpses into the forest depths, but not enough to even give
+us a glimpse of the mountains or the seas. The realm as a whole is
+onexplored; nobody knows or can dream of the grandeur and glory that
+awaits the advance guard that shall march in and take the country.</p>
+
+<p>This beautiful house built in its honor is 690 feet long and 345 feet
+wide.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_557" id="Page_557">[Pg 557]</a></span></p><p>The main entrance, which is in the south side, has a magnificently
+decorated open vestibule covered by a half dome, capable of the most
+brilliant illumination.</p>
+
+<p>Indeed, you can judge whether this buildin' has advantages for bein' lit
+up, when I tell you that it has 20,000 incandescent and 3000 ark lights.</p>
+
+<p>I hearn a bystander a-tellin' this, and sez Josiah, "I can't imagine
+what a ark light is&mdash;Noah couldn't had a light so bright as that is.
+But," he sez, "mebby the light shines out as big as the ark did over the
+big water."</p>
+
+<p>And I spoze mebby that is it.</p>
+
+<p>Why, they say the big light on top of the buildin'&mdash;the biggest in the
+world&mdash;why, they do say that that throws such a big light way off&mdash;way
+off over Lake Michigan, that the very white fishes think it is mornin',
+and git up and go to doin' up their mornin's work.</p>
+
+<p>There wuz everything in the buildin' that has been hearn on up to the
+present time in connection with electricity&mdash;everything that we know
+about, that that Magician uses to show off his magic powers, from a
+search-light of 60,000 candle power down to a engine and dynamo
+combined, that can be packed in a box no bigger than a pea.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_558" id="Page_558">[Pg 558]</a></span></p><p>Josiah looked at the immense display with a wise eye, and pretended to
+understand all about it, and he even went to explainin' it to me.</p>
+
+<p>But I sez, "You needn't tire yourself, Josiah Allen; I should know jest
+as much after you got through as I do now.</p>
+
+<p>"And," sez I, "you can explain to me jest as well how the hoe and the
+planter cause the seed to spring up in the loosened ground. You put the
+seed in the ground, Josiah Allen, and the hoe loosens the soil round it.
+You may assist the plant some, but there is a secret back of it all,
+Josiah Allen, that you can't explain to me.</p>
+
+<p>"No, nor Edison couldn't, nor Benjamin Franklin himself couldn't with
+his kite."</p>
+
+<p>Sez Josiah, "I could explain it all out to you if you would listen&mdash;all
+about my winter rye, and all about electricity."</p>
+
+<p>But agin I sez considerately, "Don't tire yourself, Josiah Allen; it is
+a pretty hot day, and you hain't over and above well to-day."</p>
+
+<p>He didn't like it at all; he wanted to talk about electric currents to
+me, and magnets, and dynamos, but I wouldn't listen to it. I felt that
+we wuz in the palace of the Great Enchanter, the King of Wonders of the
+19th century, and I knew that orr and silence wuz befittin' mantillys to
+wrop ourselves in as we entered<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_559" id="Page_559">[Pg 559]</a></span> his court, and stood in his imperial
+presence. And I told Josiah so.</p>
+
+<p>And he sez, "You won't catch me with a mantilly on."</p>
+
+<p>He is dretful fraid to wear wimmen's clothes. I can't git a apron or a
+sun-bunnet on him in churnin' time or berryin' in dog-days&mdash;he is sot.</p>
+
+<p>But I sez, "Josiah, I spoke in metafor."</p>
+
+<p>And he sez, "I would ruther you would use pantaloons and vests, if you
+are a-goin' to allegore about me."</p>
+
+<p>But to resoom. France, England, Germany, all have wonderful exhibits,
+and as for our own country, there wuz no end seemin'ly to the marvellous
+sight.</p>
+
+<p>Why, to give you a idee of the size and splendor of 'em, one electrical
+company alone spent 350,000 dollars on its exhibit.</p>
+
+<p>Among the German exhibits wuz a wonderful search-light&mdash;jest as
+searchin' as any light ever could be&mdash;it wuz sunthin' like the day of
+judgment in lightin' up and showin' forth.</p>
+
+<p>One of the strange things long to be remembered wuz to set down alone
+beside of a big horn in Chicago and hear a melodious orkestry in New
+York, hundreds and hundreds of miles away, a-discoursin' the sweetest
+melody.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_560" id="Page_560">[Pg 560]</a></span></p><p>Wall, what took up Josiah's mind most of anything wuz a house all fitted
+up from basement to attic with electricity.</p>
+
+<p>You come home (say you come in the evenin' and bring company with you);
+you press a button at the door, the door opens; touch another button,
+and the hall will be all lighted up, and so with every other room in the
+house. Some of these lights will be rosettes of light let into the wall,
+and some on 'em lamps behind white, and rose-tinted, and amber
+porcelain.</p>
+
+<p>When you go upstairs to put on another coat, you touch a button, the
+electric elevator takes you to your room; and when you open the closet
+door, that lights the lamp in the closet; when you have found your coat
+and vest, shuttin' the door puts the light out.</p>
+
+<p>In the mean time, your visitors down below are entertained by a
+selection from operatic or sacred music or comic songs from a phonograph
+on the parlor table. Or if they want to hear Gladstone debate, or
+Chauncey Depew joke, or Ingersoll lecture, or no matter what their
+tastes are, they can be gratified. The phonograph don't care; it will
+bring to 'em anything they call for.</p>
+
+<p>Then, when they have got ready for dinner, a button is touched; the
+dinner comes down from the kitchen in the attic, where it<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_561" id="Page_561">[Pg 561]</a></span> wuz all cooked
+by electricity, baked, roasted, or biled, whatever it is.</p>
+
+<p>When the vittles are put on the table, they are kept warm by electric
+warmin' furnaces.</p>
+
+<p>They start up a rousin' fire in the open fireplace by pressin' a button,
+and if they git kinder warm, electric fans cool the air agin, though
+there hain't much chance of gittin' too warm, for electric thermostats
+regulate the atmosphere. But in the summer the fans come handy.</p>
+
+<p>When dinner is over the dishes mount upstairs agin, and are washed by a
+electric automatic dish washer, and dried by a electric dish drier.</p>
+
+<p>The ice for dinner is made by a miniature ammonia ice plant, which keeps
+the hull house cool in hot days and nights.</p>
+
+<p>On washin' days the woman of the house throws the dirty clothes and a
+piece of soap into a tub, and electricity heats the water, rubs and
+cleanses the clothes, shoves 'em along and rings 'em through an electric
+ringer, and dries 'em in a electric dryin' oven, and then irons 'em by
+an electric ironin' machine.</p>
+
+<p>If the female of the house wants to sew a little, she don't have to wear
+out her own vital powers a-runnin' that sewin' machine&mdash;no; electricity
+jest runs it for her smooth as a dollar.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_562" id="Page_562">[Pg 562]</a></span></p><p>If she wants to sweep her floor, does she have to wear out her own
+elbows? No, indeed; electricity jest sweeps it for her clean as a pin.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, what a house! what a house!</p>
+
+<p>Josiah of course wuz rampant with idees of havin' our house run jest
+like it.</p>
+
+<p>He thought mebby he could run it by horse power or by wind.</p>
+
+<p>"But," I sez, "I guess the old mair has enough on her hands without
+washin' dishes and cookin'."</p>
+
+<p>He see it wuzn't feasible.</p>
+
+<p>"But," sez he, "I believe I could run it by wind. Don't you know what
+wind storms we have in Jonesville?"</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, "You won't catch me a-sewin' by it, a-blowin' me away one
+minute, and then stoppin' stun-still the next;" and sez I, "How could we
+be elevated by it? blow us half way upstairs, and then go down, and drop
+us. We shouldn't live through it a week, even if you could git the
+machinery a-runnin'."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez he, with a wise, shrewd look, "as fur as the elevator is
+concerned, I believe I could fix that on a endless chain&mdash;keep it
+a-runnin' all the time, sunthin' like perpetual motion."</p>
+
+<p>"How could we git on it?" sez I coldly.</p>
+
+<p>"Catch on," sez he; "it would be worth everything to both on us to make
+us spry and limber-jinted."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_563" id="Page_563">[Pg 563]</a></span></p><p>"Oh, shaw!" sez I; "your idees are luny&mdash;luny as can be; it has got to
+go by electricity."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez he, "I never see any sharper lightnin' than we have to
+Jonesville. I believe I could git the machinery all rigged up, and catch
+lightnin' enough to run it. I mean to try, anyway."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "I guess that you won't want to be elevated by lightnin'
+more'n once; I guess that that would be pretty apt to end your
+experiments."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, wall," sez he, "break it up! I never in my hull life tried to do
+sunthin' remarkable and noteworthy but what you put a drag on to me."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "I have saved your life, Josiah Allen, time and agin, to say
+nothin' of my own."</p>
+
+<p>He wuz mad, but I drawed his attention off onto a ocean cable, and asked
+him to explain it to me how the news went; and he wuz happy once
+more&mdash;happier than I wuz by fur. I wuz wretched, and had got myself into
+a job of weariness onspeakable and confusion, etc., and so forth.</p>
+
+<p>But to such immense sacrifices will a woman's love lead her.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus574.png" width="500" height="413"
+alt="He wuz happy once more." title="He wuz happy once more." />
+<span class="caption">He wuz happy once more.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>I could not brook his dallyin' with lightnin' at his age or to have it
+brung into our house in a raw state.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_564" id="Page_564">[Pg 564]</a></span></p><p>Josiah wuz dretful impressed with a big post completely covered with
+red, white, and blue globes, and all other colors, and at the top it
+branched out into four posts, extendin' towards the corners of the
+ceilin'.</p>
+
+<p>A spark of electricity starts at the base of the post, and steadily
+works its way up. It lights the red, then the white, and then the blue,
+and etc., and then it goes on and lights the four branches until it gits
+to the end, and then it lights up a big ball.</p>
+
+<p>And then it goes back to the beginnin' agin, and so it goes on&mdash;flash!
+flash! flash! sparkle! sparkle! sparkle! in glowin' colors. It is a
+sight to see it.</p>
+
+<p>But what impressed me beyend anything wuz what seemed a mighty onseen
+hand a-risin' up out of Nowhere, and a-holdin' a pencil, and a-writin'
+on the wall in letters of flame. And then that same onseen hand will
+wipe out what has been writ, and write sunthin' else. Why, it all makes
+folks feel a good deal like Belschazarses, only more riz up like. He
+felt guilty as a dog, which must hendered his lofty emotions from
+playin' free; but folks that see this awsome and magestick spectacle
+don't have nothin' to drag down their soarin' emotions.</p>
+
+<p>Why, I'll bet that I had more emotions durin' that sight than Belschazar
+had when he see his writin' on the wall, only different.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_565" id="Page_565">[Pg 565]</a></span> I guess that
+mine wuz more like Daniel's, though I can't tell, havin' never talked
+it over with Daniel. But to resoom.</p>
+
+<p>When we left the Electrical Buildin', it wuz so nigh at hand we jest
+stepped acrost into the Hall of Mines and Minin'. And it wuz dretful
+curious, wuzn't it?</p>
+
+<p>Here we two wuz on the surface of the Earth, and we had jest been
+a-studyin' in a entranced way the workin's of a mighty sperit, who wuz,
+in the first place, brung down from <i>above</i> the Earth, and now, lo and
+behold! we wuz on our way to see what wuz below the Earth.</p>
+
+<p>Curious and coincidin', very.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, as I walked acrost them few steps I thought of a good many things.
+One thing I thought on wuz the path I wuz a-walkin' on.</p>
+
+<p>I d'no as I've mentioned it before, but them foot-paths at the World's
+Fair are as worthy of attention as anything as there is there.</p>
+
+<p>I'll bet Columbus would have been glad to had such paths to walk on when
+he wuz foot-sore, and tired out.</p>
+
+<p>They are made of a compound of granite and cement, and are as smooth as
+a board, and as durable as adamant.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_566" id="Page_566">[Pg 566]</a></span></p><p>What a boon sech roads would be in the Spring and the Fall! How it would
+lessen profanity, and broken wagons, and broken-backed horses! Folks
+say that they will be used throughout the World. Jonesville waits for it
+with longin'.</p>
+
+<p>Its name is Medusaline. I wuz real glad it had such a pretty name&mdash;it
+deserves it.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah wuz dretful took with the name. He said that he wuz a-goin' to
+name his nephew's twins Maryline and Medusaline. But mebby he'll forgit
+it.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, the Hall of Mines and Minin' is a immense, gorgeous palace, jest
+as all the rest on 'em be, and, like 'em all, it has more'n enough
+orniments, and domes, and banners, and so forth to make it comfortable.</p>
+
+<p>As we advanced up the magestick portal the figgers of miners, with
+hammers and pans in their hands, seemed to welcome us, and tell us what
+they had to do with the big show inside; they seemed to be a-sayin' with
+their still lips, "If it hadn't been for us&mdash;for the great Army of
+Labor, this show would have been a pretty slim one." Yes; the great
+vanguard of Labor leads the van, and cuts down the trees, so's that Old
+Civilization and Progress can walk along, and swing their arms, and
+spread themselves, as they have a way of doin'.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_567" id="Page_567">[Pg 567]</a></span></p><p>Wall, to anybody that loves to look on every side of a idee from top to
+bottom, and had had sech experiences on top of the Earth as I had, it
+wuz a great treat to see what wuz inside of the Old World.</p>
+
+<p>And wuzn't it a sight! Sech heaps of glitterin' golden and silver ore,
+sech slabs of shinin' marble, and sech precious stuns I never expect to
+see agin till I git where the gates are Pearl and the streets paved with
+Pure Gold.</p>
+
+<p>On the west side are the exhibits from Foreign mineral-producin'
+countries, beginnin' with the Central and South American States.</p>
+
+<p>These Mines, worked way back before history begins, that furnished the
+gold that Cortez loaded his returnin' galleons with, still keep right on
+a-yieldin' their rich treasures, provin' that there is no end to 'em, as
+you may say.</p>
+
+<p>On the opposite side of the avenue are the treasures of our own country.
+Each State and Territory has tried, seemin'ly, to make the richest and
+most dazzlin' exhibition.</p>
+
+<p>Here New England shows in a way that can't be disputed her solid granite
+and marble foundation&mdash;vast and beautiful and glossy exhibit.</p>
+
+<p>Then the immense coal exhibit of the great States of the Appalachian
+range, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_568" id="Page_568">[Pg 568]</a></span>and the Ohio valley, shows forth its wealth in shinin' black
+masses.</p>
+
+<p>Pyramiads and arches of glitterin' iron and steel, statutes in brass,
+bronze, and copper, supported on pedestals of elaborate wrought metals.</p>
+
+<p>Then there are pillows and statutes and pyramiads of salt so blindin'ly
+brilliant that you almost have to shet your eyes when you look at 'em.</p>
+
+<p>The South shows up her mineral fertilizers, and paints, and her precious
+ores. The gold of North Carolina, the phosphates of Florida, and the
+iron ores of Alabama are here in plain sight.</p>
+
+<p>California, Montana, Colorado, Idaho, shows a gorgeous exhibit of gold
+and other precious ores.</p>
+
+<p>In the large porch in the centre of the buildin' is a high tower, made
+at the bottom of all sorts of minerals, and trimmed off handsome and
+appropriate; and the tower that shoots up from this foundation is made
+of all sorts of machines employed in minin'.</p>
+
+<p>From this centre aisles and avenues branch off in every direction.</p>
+
+<p>Great Britain and Germany and our own greatest mineral States are here
+facin' this centre.</p>
+
+<p>And you can walk down every avenue, and have your eyes most blinded by
+the splendor of the exhibit.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_569" id="Page_569">[Pg 569]</a></span></p><p>You can see jest how they extract the gold from the ore from the minute
+it is dug out of the earth till it is wrought into the shinin' dollar
+or beautiful orniment.</p>
+
+<p>You can see how Electricity, the Wizard, plays his part here, as
+everywhere else, in drivin' drills, and workin' huge minin' pumps and
+hoistin' appliances.</p>
+
+<p>You can see how this Wizard gives the signals, fires the blast, and does
+everything he is told to do, and does it better than anybody else could,
+and easier.</p>
+
+<p>Then there are figgers in groups representin' the old laborious way of
+minin', old crushin' mortars and mills of ancient Mexico, propelled by
+mules, compared with the automatic tramways and hydraulic transmission
+of coal by a liquid medium, and all the other swift and modern ways.</p>
+
+<p>South Africa shows off her diamond fields. The machinery picks up the
+blue clay right before our eyes, the native Kaffirs pick out the
+precious pebbles and sort 'em out, and a diamond-cutter right here, with
+his chisel and wheel, cuts and polishes 'em till they are turned out a
+flashin' gem to adorn a queen.</p>
+
+<p>Then, if you git tired of roamin' round on the first floor, you can go
+up into the broad gallery and look down in the vast halls and avenues,
+full of dazzle and glitter.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_570" id="Page_570">[Pg 570]</a></span></p>
+<p>Dretful interestin' them wuz to look at&mdash;dretful.</p>
+
+<p>And up here are the offices of Geoligists, Minin' Engineers, and
+Scientists, and a big library under charge of a librarian.</p>
+
+<p>And here, too, is a laboratory where experiments are a-bein' conducted
+all the time.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, it wuz a sight&mdash;a sight what we see there.</p>
+
+<p>But the thing that impressed me the most in the hull buildin', and I
+thought on't all the time I wuz there, and thought on't goin' home, and
+waked up and thought on't&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>It wuz a statute of woman named Justice&mdash;a female big as life, made of
+solid silver from her head to her heels, and a-standin' on a gold
+world&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Jest as they do in the streets of the New Jerusalem. Oh, my heart, think
+on't!</p>
+
+<p>Yes, it tickled me to a extraordinary degree, for sech a thing must mean
+sunthin'! The world borne on the outspread wings of an eagle is under
+her feet, and under that is a foundation of solid gold.</p>
+
+<p>First, the riches of the earth to the bottom; then the eagle Ambition,
+and wavin' wings of power and conquest, carryin' the hull round world,
+and then, above 'em all, Woman.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, Justice in the form of woman stood jest where she ort to
+stand&mdash;right on top of the world.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_571" id="Page_571">[Pg 571]</a></span></p>
+<p>Justice and Woman has too long been crumpled down, and trod on. But she
+has got on top now, and I believe will stay there for some time.</p>
+
+<p>She holds a septer in her right hand, and in her left a pair of scales.</p>
+
+<p>She holds her scales evenly balanced&mdash;that is jest as it ort to be; they
+have always tipped up on the side of man (which has been the side of
+Might).</p>
+
+<p>But now they are held even, and <i>Right</i> will determine how the notches
+stand, not Might.</p>
+
+<p>I don't believe that the Nation would make a statute of woman out of
+solid silver, and stand it on top of the world, if it didn't lay out to
+give her sect a little mite of what she symbolizes.</p>
+
+<p>They hain't a-goin' to make a silver woman and call it Justice, if they
+lay out to keep their idee of wimmen in the future, as they have in the
+past, the holler pewter image stuffed full of all sorts of injustices,
+and meannesses, and downtroddenness.</p>
+
+<p>They hain't a-goin' to stand the figger of woman and Justice on top of
+the world, and then let woman herself grope along in the deepest and
+darkest swamps and morasses of injustice and oppression, taxed without
+representation, condemned and hung by laws they have no voice in makin'.</p>
+
+<p>Goin' on in the future as in the past&mdash;bringin' children into the world,
+dearer<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_572" id="Page_572">[Pg 572]</a></span> to 'em than their heart's blood, and then have their hearts torn
+out of 'em to see these children go to ruin before 'em through the
+foolishness and wickedness of laws they have no power to prevent&mdash;nay,
+if they are rich, to see their loved ones helped to their doom by their
+own wealth; taxed to extend and perpetuate these means of death and
+Hell, and they with their hands bound by the chains of Slavery and old
+Custom.</p>
+
+<p>But things are a-goin' to be different. I see it plain. And I looked on
+that figger with big emotions in my heart, and my umbrell in my hand.</p>
+
+<p>I knew the Nation wuzn't a-goin' to depicter woman with the hull earth
+at her feet, and then deny her the rights of the poorest dog that walks
+that globe. No; that would be makin' too light of her, and makin'
+perfect fools of themselves.</p>
+
+<p>They wouldn't of their own accord put a septer in her hand, if they laid
+out to keep her where she is now&mdash;under the rule of the lowest criminal
+landed on our shores, and beneath niggers, and Injuns, and a-settin' on
+the same bench in a even row with idiots, lunaticks, and criminals.</p>
+
+<p>No; I think better of 'em; they are a-goin' to carry out the idee of
+that silver image in the gold of practical justice, I believe.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_573" id="Page_573">[Pg 573]</a></span></p><p>If I hadn't thought so, I would a-histed up my umbrell and hit that
+septer of hern, and knocked that globe out from under her feet.</p>
+
+<p>And them four mountaineers, a-guardin' her with rifles in their hands,
+might have led me off to prison for it if they had wanted too&mdash;I would a
+done it anyway.</p>
+
+<p>But, as I sez, I hope for better things, and what give me the most
+courage of anything about it wuz that Justice had got her bandages off.</p>
+
+<p>That is jest what I have wanted her to do for a long time. I had advised
+Justice jest as if she had been my own Mother-in-law. I had argued with
+her time and agin to take that bandage offen her eyes.</p>
+
+<p>And when I see that she had took my advice, and meditated on what
+happiness and freedom wuz ahead for my sect, and realized plain that it
+wuz probable all my doin's&mdash;why, the proud and happy emotions that
+swelled my breast most broke off four buttons offen my bask waist. And
+onbeknown to me I carried myself in that proud and stately way that
+Josiah asked me anxiously&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"If I had got a crick in my back?"</p>
+
+<p>I told him, "No, I hadn't got any crick, but I had proud and lofty
+emotions on the inside of my soul that no man could give or take away."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez he, "you walked considerable like our old peacock when she
+wants to show off."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_574" id="Page_574">[Pg 574]</a></span></p>
+<p>I pitied him for his short-sightedness, but unconsciously I did, I dare
+presoom to say, onbend a little in my proud gait.</p>
+
+<p>And we proceeded onwards.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, on our way home we heard a bystander a-speakin' about the
+beautiful vistas, and the other one replied, and said how wonderful and
+beautiful he considered 'em.</p>
+
+<p>And Josiah sez to me, "Where be them 'Vistas,' anyway? I've hearn more
+talk about 'em than a little&mdash;do they keep 'em in cases, or be they
+rolled up in rolls? I want to see 'em, anyway," and he turned and went
+to go into one of the big palaces. Sez he, "He seemed to be a-pintin'
+this way; we must have missed 'em the day we wuz here."</p>
+
+<p>But I took holt of his arm and drawed him back, and I pinted down the
+long, beautiful distance, the glorious view bounded by the snowy
+sculptured heights of palaces&mdash;long, green, flower-gemmed avenues of
+beauty&mdash;with the blue waters a-shinin' calm behind towerin' statutes of
+marvellous conception, and sez I&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Behold a vista!"</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 374px;">
+<img src="images/illus586.png" width="374" height="500"
+alt="&quot;Behold a vista!&quot;" title="&quot;Behold a vista!&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"Behold a vista!"</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>He put on his specs and looked clost, and sez he&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_575" id="Page_575">[Pg 575]</a></span></p><p>"I don't see nothin' out of the common."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_576" id="Page_576">[Pg 576]</a></span></p><p>"No," sez I; "spiritual things are spiritually discerned. The wind
+bloweth where it listeth," sez I.</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, bring up the Bible," sez he; "there is a time for all things."</p>
+
+<p>He acted real pudgiky.</p>
+
+<p>But I at last got him to understand what a vista wuz, and I told him
+that Mr. Burnham and the others who had charge of buildin' this
+marvellous city took no end of pains to design these marvellous
+picters&mdash;more lovely than wuz ever painted on canvas sence the world
+begun.</p>
+
+<p>And sez I, as I looked round me once more, some as Moses did on Pisga's
+height, "and viewed the landscape o'er"&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "I <i>must</i> thank the head one here&mdash;I <i>must</i> thank
+Director-General Davis in my own name, and in the name of Jonesville,
+and the world, for gittin' up this incomparable spectacle, the like of
+which will never be seen agin by livin' eyes."</p>
+
+<p>And if you'll believe it, I hadn't hardly finished speakin' when who
+should come towards us but General Davis himself. I knew him in a
+minute, for his picter had been printed in papers as many as two or
+three times since the Fair begun&mdash;it wuz a real good-lookin' face,
+anyway, in a paper or out of it.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_577" id="Page_577">[Pg 577]</a></span></p><p>And I gathered up the folds of my cotton umbrell more gracefully in my
+left hand, and kinder shook out the drapery of my alpaca skirt, and wuz
+jest advancin' to accost him, when Josiah laid holt of my arm and
+whispered in a sharp axent&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I won't have it. You hain't a-goin' to stop and visit with that man."</p>
+
+<p>I faced him with dignity and with some madness in my liniment, and sez
+I, "Why?"</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, "Do you ask why?"</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez I, with that same noble, riz-up look on my eyebrow&mdash;"why?"</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez he, a-lookin' kinder meachin', "I want sunthin' to eat, and
+you'd probable talk a hour with him by the way you've praised up his
+doin's here."</p>
+
+<p>By this time General Davis wuz fur away.</p>
+
+<p>And I sithed, when I thought on't, what he'd lost by not receivin' my
+eloquent and heartfelt thanks, and what I'd lost in not givin' 'em.</p>
+
+<p>I d'no as Josiah was jealous&mdash;mebby he wuzn't. But General Davis is
+considerable handsome, and Josiah can't bear to have me praise up any
+man, livin' or dead. Sometimes I have almost mistrusted that he didn't
+like to have me praise up St. Paul too much, or David, or Job&mdash;or he
+don't seem to care so much about Job. But, as I say,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_578" id="Page_578">[Pg 578]</a></span> mebby it wuzn't
+jealousy&mdash;his appetite is good; mebby it was hunger.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIX" id="CHAPTER_XIX"></a>CHAPTER XIX.</h2>
+
+
+<p>Wall, this mornin', on our way to the grounds, I sez to Josiah&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"There is one thing that I want you to do the first thing to-day, and
+that is for you to see that good creeter, Senator Palmer."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "I jest happened to read this mornin' how he's takin' up a
+subscription to help the Duke of Veragua, and we must see him and help
+the cause along." Sez I, "I can't bear to think of Columbuses folks
+a-sufferin' for things."</p>
+
+<p>Sez Josiah, "Let Columbuses folks nip in and work jest as I do, and
+they'll git along."</p>
+
+<p>"They hain't been brung up to it," sez I; "I don't spoze he ever
+ploughed a acre of land in his life, or sheared a sheep. And I don't
+spoze she knows what it is to pick a goose, or do a two weeks' washin'."</p>
+
+<p>I'm sorry for 'em as I can be. And to think that that villain of a
+Manager should have run away with that money while they wuz over here
+a-helpin' their forefathers birthday!</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_579" id="Page_579">[Pg 579]</a></span></p>
+<p>Sez I, "It makes me feel like death."</p>
+
+<p>"It makes me feel," sez Josiah gloomily, "that no knowin' but the Old
+Harry will git into Ury while we are away."</p>
+
+<p>But I sez, "Don't worry, Josiah&mdash;Ury and Philura are pure gold."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall, dum it all, pure gold can be melted if the fire is hot enough."</p>
+
+<p>But I went back to the old subject&mdash;"We must give sunthin' to the cause;
+it will be expected of us, and it is right that we should."</p>
+
+<p>"But," sez Josiah, with a gloomy and fierce look, "if I can git out of
+Chicago with a hull shirt on my back it's all I expect to do. I hain't
+no money to spend on Dukes, and you'll say so when we come to pay our
+bills."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "You needn't send any money, Josiah Allen; but," sez I, "we might
+send 'em a tub of butter and a kag of cowcumber pickles jest as well as
+not, and a ham, to help 'em along through the winter, and I'd gladly
+send him and her yarn enough for a good pair of socks and stockin's. She
+might knit 'em," sez I, "or I would. I'll send him a pair of fringe
+mittens anyway," sez I; "it hain't noways likely that she knows how to
+make them. They take intellect and practice to knit."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_580" id="Page_580">[Pg 580]</a></span></p><p>And sez I, "I want you to be sure and see Senator Palmer without fail,
+and tell him to be sure and let us know when he sends things, so's we
+can put in and add our two mites."</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, "The money has gone."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "I am a disap'inted creeter. I wanted to do my part
+towards gittin' them good, noble folks enough to live on till Spring."</p>
+
+<p>Sez Josiah (and mebby it wuz to git my attention off from the subject,
+which he felt wuz perilous to his pocket&mdash;he is clost)&mdash;sez he, "There
+is one man here, Samantha, that I'd give a cent to see."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "Who is it that you are willin' to make such a extraordinary
+outlay for?"</p>
+
+<p>"The Rager," sez he.</p>
+
+<p>"The Rager," sez I dreamily; "who's that?"</p>
+
+<p>"Why, the Rager from India. I spoze," sez he, "that he is one of the
+raginest men that you ever see. He took his name from that, most likely,
+and to intimidate his subjects. Now, King or Emperor don't strike the
+same breathless terror; but Rager&mdash;why, jest the name is enough to make
+'em behave."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "if the Monarch of Ingy is here I must see him, and git
+him not to burn any more widders with their dead pardners." Sez I, "It's
+a clear waste of widders, besides bein' wicked as wicked can be. Widders
+is handy," sez I, "now to keep boardin'-housen, or to go roun<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_581" id="Page_581">[Pg 581]</a></span>d as
+agents. Old maids hain't nothin' by the side of 'em, and they look so
+sort o' respectable behind their black veils, and then they are needed
+so for the widdower supply&mdash;and that market is always full." Sez I, "I
+don't want 'em wasted, and I want the wickedness to be stopped.</p>
+
+<p>"And then to insist on marryin' so many wimmen. I'd love to labor with
+him, and convince him that one's enough."</p>
+
+<p>"It seems to me," sez Josiah, "that I could make him <i>know</i> that one's
+enough. It <i>seems</i> as if <i>any married man might</i>. Heaven knows, it
+<i>seems</i> so!" sez he.</p>
+
+<p>I didn't like his axent. There seemed to be some iron in it, but I
+wouldn't dane to parley.</p>
+
+<p>"And then," sez I, "their makin' their wimmen wear veils all the time.
+What a foolish habit! What's the use on't? Smotherin' 'em half to death,
+and wearin' out their veils for nothin'.</p>
+
+<p>"And then I'd make him educate 'em&mdash;gin 'em a chance," sez I; "but
+whether he gives it or not the bell of Freedom is a-echoin' clear from
+Wyomin' to Ingy, and it sounds clear under them veils. They will be
+throwed off whether he is willin' or not, and I'd love to tell him so."</p>
+
+<p>Sez Josiah, "I guess it will be as the Rager sez."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_582" id="Page_582">[Pg 582]</a></span></p><p>"No," sez I solemnly; "it will be as the Lord sez, and He is callin' to
+wimmen all over the earth, and they are answerin' the call."</p>
+
+<p>But we hearn afterwards that Josiah had got it wrong&mdash;it wuz
+Ragah&mdash;R-a-g-a-h&mdash;instead of Rager&mdash;and he wuz one of the most
+sensiblest fellers that ever stepped on our shores in royal shoes. He
+paid his own bills, wuz modest, and intelligent, wanted to git
+information instead of idolatry from the American people. He didn't want
+no ball, no bowin' and backin' off&mdash;no escort. No chance at all here for
+the Ward McAllisters to show off, and act.</p>
+
+<p>He acted like a good sensible American man, some as our son Thomas
+Jefferson would act if he should go over to his neighborhood on
+business.</p>
+
+<p>He wanted to see for himself the life of the Americans, the way the
+common people lived&mdash;he wanted to git information to help his own
+people.</p>
+
+<p>And he wanted to see Edison the most of all. That in itself would make
+him congenial to me. I myself think of Edison side by side with
+Christopher Columbus, and I guess the high chair he sets on up in my
+mind, with his lap full of his marvellous discoveries, is a little
+higher than Columbuses high chair.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, how congenial the Ragah of Kahurthalia would be! How I wish we could
+have visited together! But it wuzn't to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_583" id="Page_583">[Pg 583]</a></span> be, for Josiah said that he'd
+gone the night before, so we wended on.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, we hadn't more than got into the grounds this mornin' when Josiah
+hearn a bystander a-standin' near tell another one about the Ferris
+Wheel.</p>
+
+<p>"Why," sez he, "you jest git into one of them cars, and you are carried
+up so that it seems as if you can see the hull world at your feet."</p>
+
+<p>Josiah turned right round in his tracts, and sez he, "Where can I find
+that wheel?"</p>
+
+<p>And the man sez, "On the Midway Plaisance."</p>
+
+<p>And Josiah sez, "Where is that?"</p>
+
+<p>And the man pinted out the nearest way, and nothin' to do but what we
+must set out to find that wheel, and go up in one.</p>
+
+<p>I counselled caution and delay, but to no effect. That wheel had got to
+be found to once, and both on us took up in it.</p>
+
+<p>I dreaded the job.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, the Plaisance begins not fur back of the Woman's Buildin'. It is a
+strip of land about six hundred feet wide and a mild in length,
+connecting Washington Park with Jackson Park, where Columbus has his
+doin's, and it comes out at the Fair Ground right behind the Woman's
+Buildin'.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah jest wanted to rush along, clamorin' for the wheel, and not
+lookin' for nothin' on either side till he found it.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_584" id="Page_584">[Pg 584]</a></span></p>
+<p>But I wuz firm in this as a rock, that if I went at all I would go
+megum actin' and quiet, and look at everything we come to.</p>
+
+<p>And wuzn't there enough to look at jest in the street? Folks of all
+nations under the earth. They seemed like the leaves of a forest, or the
+sands of the sea, if them sands and leaves wuz turned into men, wimmen,
+and children&mdash;high hats, bunnets, umbrells, fans, canes, parasols,
+turbans, long robes, and short ones, gay ones, bright ones, feathers,
+sedan chairs, bijous, rollin' chairs, Shacks&mdash;or that is how Josiah
+pronounced it. I told him that they wuz spelt S-h-e-i-k-s.</p>
+
+<p>But he sez that you could tell that they wuz Shacks by the looks on 'em.</p>
+
+<p>Truly it wuz a sight&mdash;a sight what we see in that street. Why, it wuz
+like payin' out some thousand dollars, and with two trunks, and
+onmeasured fatigue, spend years and years travellin' over the world.</p>
+
+<p>Why, we seemed to be a-journeyin' through foreign countries, a-carryin'
+the thought with us that we took our breakfast in our own hum, and that
+we should sleep there that night, but for all that we wuz in Turkey, and
+Japan, and Dahomey, and Lapland, etc., etc., etc.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_585" id="Page_585">[Pg 585]</a></span></p><p>Wall, the first thing we come to as we begun on the right side&mdash;and
+anybody with my solid principles wouldn't begin on any other side but
+the sheep's side&mdash;we wouldn't begin on the goats&mdash;no, indeed!</p>
+
+<p>The first thing we come to wuz the Match Company. Here you could see
+everything about makin' matches, and when you consider how hard it would
+be to go back to the old way of strikin' light with a flint, and
+traipsin' off to the neighbors to borrow a few coals on a January
+mornin', you will know how interestin' that exhibit wuz.</p>
+
+<p>And then come the International Dress and Costume Company&mdash;all the
+different countries of the globe show their home life and costumes.</p>
+
+<p>And I sez to Josiah, "If this Fair had been put off ten years, or even
+five, I believe the American wimmen would show a costume less adapted to
+squeezin' the life out of 'em, and scrapin' up all the filth and disease
+in the streets, and rakin' it hum."</p>
+
+<p>And Josiah sez, "Oh, do come along! we shan't git to that wheel to-day
+if you dally so, and begin to talk about wimmen and their doin's."</p>
+
+<p>Then come the Workin' Man's Home in Philadelphia. Then the Libby Glass
+Works, and when Josiah discovered it wuz free, he willin'ly accedded to
+my request to walk in and look round. He told me from the first on't
+that he wu<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_586" id="Page_586">[Pg 586]</a></span>zn't goin' to pay out a cent of money there. Sez he, "We can
+see enough&mdash;Heaven knows we can&mdash;without payin' for any sights."</p>
+
+<p>Wall, here we see all kinds of American glass manufactured, from goblets
+and butter-dishes up to glass draperies, dresses, laces, neckties, and
+all sorts of orniments.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah sez, "Samantha, oh, how I would like a glass necktie&mdash;it would be
+so uneek; how I could show off to Deacon Gowdy!"</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "we can try to buy one, and at the same time I will order
+a glass polenay."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, no," sez he, "it would be too resky; glass is so brittle it would
+make you restive."</p>
+
+<p>And he tried to hurry me along, but I would look round a little; and we
+see there right before our face and eyes a man take a long tube and dip
+it into melted glass, and blow out cups and flower-vases, and trim 'em
+all off with flowers of glass of all colors, and sech cut glass as we
+see there I never see before; why, one little piece takes a man a month
+to cut it out into its diamond glitter.</p>
+
+<p>And I would stop to see that glass dress all finished off for the
+Princess Eulaly. There it wuz in plain sight in Mr. Libby's factory
+draped on a wax figger of Eulaly. Mr. Libby made it and presented it to
+the Princess.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_588" id="Page_588">[Pg 588]</a></span></p><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_587" id="Page_587">[Pg 587]</a></span></p>
+<p>It took ten million feet of glass thread; it wuz wove into twelve
+yards of cloth, and sent to a dressmaker in New York, who fitted it to
+the Princess on her last days in the city. It is low neck and short
+sleeves, and has a row of glass fringe round the bottom, and soft glass
+ruching round the neck and sleeves. It looks some like pure white satin,
+and some different. It is as beautiful as any dress ever could be, and
+Eulaly will look real sweet in it. She'll be sorry to not have me see
+her in it, I hain't a doubt.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 365px;">
+<img src="images/illus598.png" width="365" height="500"
+alt="It took ten million feet of glass thread, and Eulaly will look real sweet in it."
+title="It took ten million feet of glass thread, and Eulaly will look real sweet in it." />
+<span class="caption">It took ten million feet of glass thread, and Eulaly will look real sweet in it.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>And oh, how I did wish, as I looked at it, that her ancestor could have
+seen it, and meditated how pert and forwards the land wuz that he'd
+discovered!</p>
+
+<p>Glass dresses&mdash;the idee!</p>
+
+<p>But Josiah looked kinder oneasy all the time that I wuz a-lookin' at it;
+he wuz afraid of what thoughts I might be entertainin' in my mind
+onbeknown to him, and he hurried me onwards.</p>
+
+<p>But the very next place we come to be wuz still more anxious to proceed
+rapidly, for this wuz the Irish Village, where native wimmen make the
+famous Irish laces.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz a perfect Irish village, lackin' the dirt, and broken winders,
+and the neighborly pigs, and etc.</p>
+
+<p>At one end of it is the exact reproduction of the ancient castle
+Donegal, fame<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_589" id="Page_589">[Pg 589]</a></span>d in song and story. In the rooms of this castle the lace
+wuz exhibited&mdash;beautiful laces as I ever see, or want to see, and piles
+and piles of it, and of every beautiful pattern.</p>
+
+<p>I did hanker for some of it to trim a night-cap. As I told Josiah, "I
+wouldn't give a cent for any of the white lace dresses, not if I had to
+wear 'em, or white lace cloaks." Sez I, "I'd feel like a fool a-goin' to
+meetin' or to the store to carry off butter with a white lace dress on,
+or a white lace mantilly, but I would love dearly to own some of that
+narrer lace for a night-cap border."</p>
+
+<p>But his anxiety wuz extreme to go on that very instant.</p>
+
+<p>He wanted to see the Blarney stun on top of the tower of the castle. It
+is a stun about as big as Josiah's hat, let down below the floor, so's
+you have to stoop way down to even see it, let alone kissin' it.</p>
+
+<p>Jos<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_590" id="Page_590">[Pg 590]</a></span>iah wuz very anxious to kiss it, but I frowned on the needless
+expense.</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "Men don't <i>need</i> to kiss it; Blarney is born in 'em, as you may
+say, and is nateral nater to 'em."</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, "But it is so stylish to embrace it, Samantha, and it only costs
+ten cents."</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus600.png" width="500" height="296"
+alt="&quot;But it is so stylish, Samantha, and it only costs ten cents.&quot;"
+title="&quot;But it is so stylish, Samantha, and it only costs ten cents.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"But it is so stylish, Samantha, and it only costs ten cents."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"But," I sez firmly, "you hain't a-goin' to kiss no chunk of Chicago
+stun, Josiah Allen, or pay out your money for demeanin' yourself."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "The original Blarney stun is right there in its place in the
+tower of Blarney Castle in Ireland. It hain't been touched, and couldn't
+be."</p>
+
+<p>"I don't believe that Lady Aberdeen would allow no sech works to go on,"
+sez he.</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "Lady Aberdeen can't help herself. How can a minister keep the
+hull of his congregation from lyin'?"</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "She is one of the nicest wimmen in the world&mdash;one of the few
+noble ones that reach down from high places, and lift up the lowly, and
+help the world. I don't spoze she knows about the Blarney stun. And
+don't you go to tellin' her," sez I severely, "and hurt her feelin's."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_591" id="Page_591">[Pg 591]</a></span></p>
+<p>Sez he, in a morbid tone, "We hain't been in the habit of visitin' back
+and forth, and probable if we wuz, you'd tell her before I could if you
+got a chance. Wimmen have sech long tongues."</p>
+
+<p>He wuz mad, as I could see, about my breakin' up his fashionable
+performance with that Chicago rock, but I didn't care.</p>
+
+<p>I merely sez, "If you want to do anything to remember the place, you can
+buy me a yard and a half of linen lace to trim that night-cap, or a
+under-clothe, Josiah." But he acted agitated here, and sez he, "I
+presoom that it is cotton lace."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "I wish you'd be megum, J<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_592" id="Page_592">[Pg 592]</a></span>osiah Allen. This lace is perfectly
+beautiful, and it is jest what they say it is.</p>
+
+<p>"And what a noble thing it wuz," sez I, "for Lady Aberdeen to do to gin
+these poor Irish lace-makers a start that mebby will lift 'em right up
+into prosperity; and spozen," sez I, "that you buy me a yard or two?"</p>
+
+<p>But he fairly tore me away from the spot. He acted fearful agitated.</p>
+
+<p>But alas! for him, he found the next place we entered also exceedin'ly
+full of dangers to his pocket-book, for this wuz a Japanese Bazaar,
+where every kind of queer, beautiful manufactures can be bought&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus602.png" width="500" height="381"
+alt="He found the next place we entered full of dangers to his pocket-book."
+title="He found the next place we entered full of dangers to his pocket-book." />
+<span class="caption">He found the next place we entered full of dangers to his pocket-book.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Rugs, bronzes, lacquer work, bamboo work, fans, screens, more tea-cups
+than you ever see before, and little silk napkins of all colors, where
+you can have your name wove right in it before your eyes, and etcetry,
+etcetry. Here also the peculiar fire department of the Japanese is kept.</p>
+
+<p>The next large place is occupied by the Javanese; this concession and
+the one right acrost the road south of it is called the "Dutch
+Settlement," because the villages wuz got up by a lot of Dutch
+merchants.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_593" id="Page_593">[Pg 593]</a></span></p>
+<p>But the people are from the Figi, Philippine, and Solomon Islands,
+Samoa, Java, Borneo, New Zealand, and the Polnesian Archipelagoes.</p>
+
+<p>Jest think on't! there Josiah Allen and I wuz a-travellin' way off to
+places too fur to be reached only by our strainin' fancy&mdash;places that we
+never expected or drempt that we could see with our mortal eyes only in
+a gography.</p>
+
+<p>Here I wuz a-walkin' right through their country villages with my
+faithful pardner by my side, and my old cotton umbrell in my hand,
+a-seemin' to anchor me to the present while I floated off into strange
+realms.</p>
+
+<p>All these different countries show their native industries.</p>
+
+<p>We went into the Japanese Village, under a high arch, all fixed off with
+towers, and wreaths, and swords&mdash;dretful ornimental.</p>
+
+<p>There wuz more than a hundred natives here. Their housen are back in the
+inclosure, and their work-shops in front, and in these shops and
+porticos are carried on right before your eyes every trade known in
+Japan, and jest as they do it at home&mdash;carvers, carpenters, spinners,
+weavers, dyers, musicians, etc., etc. The colorin' they do is a sight to
+see, and takes almost a lifetime to learn.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_594" id="Page_594">[Pg 594]</a></span></p><p>The housen of this village are mostly made of bamboo&mdash;not a nail used in
+the place. Why, sometimes one hull side of their housen would be made
+of a mat of braided bamboo. Bamboo is used by them for food, shelter,
+war implements, medicine, musical instruments, and everything else.
+Their housen wuz made in Japan, and brung over here and set up by native
+workmen. They have thatched ruffs and kinder open-work sides, dretful
+curious-lookin', and on the wide porticos of these housen little native
+wimmen set and embroider, and wind skeins of gay-colored cotton, and
+play with their little brown black-eyed babies.</p>
+
+<p>The costumes of the Japanese look dretful curious to us; their loose
+gay-colored robes and turbans, and sandals, etc., look jest as strange
+as Josiah's pantaloons and hat, and my bask waist duz to them, I spoze.</p>
+
+<p>They're a pleasant little brown people, always polite&mdash;that is learnt
+'em as regular as any other lesson. Then there is another thing that our
+civilized race could learn of the heathen ones.</p>
+
+<p>Missionaries that we send out to teach the heathen let their own
+children sass 'em and run over 'em. That is the reason that they act so
+sassy when they're growed up. Politeness ort to be learnt young, even if
+it has to be stomped in with spanks.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_595" id="Page_595">[Pg 595]</a></span></p>
+<p>The Japanese are a child-like people easily pleased, easily
+grieved&mdash;laughin' and cryin' jest like children.</p>
+
+<p>They work all day, not fast enough to hurt 'em, and at nightfall they go
+out and play all sorts of native games.</p>
+
+<p>That's a good idee. I wish that Jonesvillians would foller it. You'd
+much better be shootin' arrers from blowpipes than to blow round and jaw
+your household. And you'd much better be runnin' a foot race than
+runnin' your neighbors.</p>
+
+<p>They've got a theatre where they perform their native dances and plays,
+and one man sets behind a curtain and duz all the conversation for all
+the actors. I spoze he changes his voice some for the different folks.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, I led Josiah off towards the church, where all the articles of
+furniture is a big bamboo chair, where the priest sets and meditates
+when he thinks his people needs his thought.</p>
+
+<p>I d'no but it helps 'em some, if he thinks hard enough&mdash;thoughts are
+dretful curious things, anyway.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah and I took considerable comfort a-wanderin' round and seein' all
+we could, and noticin' how kind o' turned round things wuz from
+Jonesville idees.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_596" id="Page_596">[Pg 596]</a></span></p>
+<p>Now, they had some queer-lookin' little store-housen, and for all the
+world they opened at the top instead of the sides, to keep the snakes
+out of the rice in their native land, so they said.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah wuz jest crazy to have one made like it.</p>
+
+<p>"Why," sez he, "think of the safety on't, Samantha! Who'd ever think of
+goin' into a corn house on top if they wanted to steal some corn?"</p>
+
+<p>But I sez, "Foreign customs have got to be adopted with megumness,
+Josiah Allen." Sez I, "With your rumatiz, how would you climb up on't a
+dozen times a day?"</p>
+
+<p>He hadn't thought of that, and he gin up the idee.</p>
+
+<p>Then the ideal figger of the Japanese wimmen is narrer shoulders and big
+waist.</p>
+
+<p>And though I hailed the big waist joyfully, I drawed the line at the
+narrer shoulders.</p>
+
+<p>They have long poles about their housen, with holes bored in 'em,
+through which the wind blows with a mournful sort of a voice, and they
+think that that noise skairs away evil sperits.</p>
+
+<p>When they come here each of their little verandas had a cage with a
+sacred bird in it to coax the good sperits; they all died off, and now
+they've got some pigens for 'em, and made 'em think that they wuz sacred
+birds.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_597" id="Page_597">[Pg 597]</a></span></p>
+<p>And Josiah, as he see 'em, instinctively sez, "Dum 'em, I'd ruther have
+the evil sperits themselves round than them pigens, any time."</p>
+
+<p>He hates 'em, and I spoze they do pull up seeds considerable.</p>
+
+<p>Them Japanese wimmen are dretful cheerful-lookin', and Josiah and I
+talked about it considerable.</p>
+
+<p>Sez Josiah, "It's queer when, accordin' to their belief, a man's horse
+can go to Heaven, but their wives can't; but the minute they leave this
+world another celestial wife meets him, and he and his earth wife parts
+forever. It is queer," sez he, "how under them circumstances that the
+wimmen can look so happy."</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, "It can't be that they hail anhialation as a welcome rest
+from married life, can it?"</p>
+
+<p>Josiah acted mad, and sez he, "I'd be a fool if I wuz in your place!"</p>
+
+<p>And bein' kinder mad, he snapped out, "Them wimmen don't look as if they
+knew much more than monkeys; compared to American wimmen, it's a sight."</p>
+
+<p>But I sez, "You can't always tell by looks, Josiah Allen." Sez I, "As
+small as they be, they've showed some of the greatest qualities since
+they've been here&mdash;Constancy, Fidelity, Love."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_598" id="Page_598">[Pg 598]</a></span></p>
+<p>Now one of them females lost a baby while she wuz here. Did she act as
+some of our fashionable American wimmen do? No. They own twenty Saritoga
+trunks, and wear their entire contents, but they do, as is well known,
+commit crime to evade the cares of motherhood.</p>
+
+<p>But this little woman right here in Chicago, she jest laid down
+broken-hearted and died because her baby died. Her true heart broke.</p>
+
+<p>Little and humbly, no doubt, and not many clothes on, but from a upper
+view I wonder if her soul don't look better than the civilized,
+fashionably dressed murderess?</p>
+
+<p>There wuz theatres here with dancin' girls goin' as fur ahead, they
+said, of Louie Fuller and Carmenciti as them two go ahead of Josiah and
+Deacon Sypher as skirt-dancers.</p>
+
+<p>I guess that Josiah Allen would have gone in, regardless of price, to
+see this sight, so onbecomin' to a deacon and a grandfather, but I broke
+it up at the first hint he gin. Sez I, "What would your pasture say to
+your ondertakin' such a enterprise? What would be the opinion of
+Jonesville?"</p>
+
+<p>"Dum it all," sez he; "David danced before the Ark."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_600" id="Page_600">[Pg 600]</a></span></p><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_599" id="Page_599">[Pg 599]</a></span></p><p>"Wall," sez I, "I hain't seen no ark, and I hain't seen no David." Sez I
+reasonably, "I wouldn't object to your seein' David dance if he wuz
+here and I wouldn't object to your seein' the Ark."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, wall, have your own way," sez he, and we wandered into the German
+Village.</p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 369px;">
+<img src="images/illus610.png" width="369" height="500"
+alt="&quot;Oh, wall, have your own way,&quot; sez he, and we wandered into the German Village."
+title="&quot;Oh, wall, have your own way,&quot; sez he, and we wandered into the German Village." />
+<span class="caption">"Oh, wall, have your own way," sez he, and we wandered into the German Village.</span>
+</div>
+
+
+<p>The German Village represents housen in the upper Bavarian Mountains.</p>
+
+<p>There are thirty-six different buildin's. Inside the village is a
+Country Fair, the German Concert Garden, a Water Tower, and two
+Restaurants, Tyrolese dancers, Beer Hall, etc.</p>
+
+<p>In the centre is a 16th century castle, with moat round it, and
+palisades.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah wuz all took up with this, and said "how he would love to have a
+moat round our house." Sez he, "Jest let some folks that I know try to
+git in, wouldn't I jest hist up the drawbridge and drop 'em outside?"</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, "Heaven knows, Josiah, that sech a thing would be convenient
+ofttimes, but," sez I, "anxieties and annoyances have a way of swimmin'
+moats, you can't keep 'em out."</p>
+
+<p>But he said "that he believed that he and Ury could dig a moat, and rig
+up a drawbridge." And to git his mind off on't I hurried him on.</p>
+
+<p>Inside the castle is a dretful war-like-lookin' group of iron men, all
+dressed up <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_601" id="Page_601">[Pg 601]</a></span>in full uniform, and there wuz all kinds of weepons and armor
+of Germany.</p>
+
+<p>The Town Hall of this village is a museum.</p>
+
+<p>In the village market-place is sold all kinds of German goods. Two bands
+of music pipe up, and everybody is a-talkin' German. It made it
+considerable lively to look at, but not so edifyin' to us as if we knew
+a word they said.</p>
+
+<p>And then come the Street of Cairo, a exact representation of one of the
+most picturesque streets in old Cairo, with queer-lookin' kinder square
+housen, and some of the winders stood open, through which we got lovely
+views of a inner court, with green shrubs, and flowers, and fountains.</p>
+
+<p>On both sides of this street are dance halls, mosques, and shops filled
+with manufactures from Arabia and the Soudan. In the Museum are many
+curious curiosities from Cairo and Alexandria.</p>
+
+<p>And the street is filled with dogs, and donkeys, and children and
+fortune-tellers, and dromedaries, and sedan chairs, with their bearers,
+and camels, and birds, and wimmen with long veils on coverin' most of
+their faces, jest their eyes a-peerin' out as if they would love to git
+acquainted with the strange Eastern world, where wimmen walk with faces
+uncovered, and swung out into effort and achievement.</p>
+
+<p>I guess they wuz real good-lookin'. I know that the men with their
+turbans <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_602" id="Page_602">[Pg 602]</a></span>and long robes looked quite well, though odd. In the shops wuz
+the most beautiful jewelry and precious stuns, and queer-lookin' but
+magnificent silk goods, and cotton, and lamps, and leather goods, and
+weepons, etc., etc., etc.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, right there, as we wuz a-wanderin' through that street, from the
+handsomest of the residences streamed forth a bridal procession. The
+bride wuz dressed in gorgeous array of the beautiful fabrics of the
+East.</p>
+
+<p>And the bridegroom, with a train of haughty-lookin' Arabs follerin' him,
+all swept down the streets towards the Mosque, with music a-soundin'
+out, and flowers a-bein' throwed at 'em, and boys a-yellin', and dogs
+a-barkin', etc., etc.</p>
+
+<p>I drew my pardner out of the way, for he stood open-mouthed with
+admiration a-starin' at the bride, and almost rooted to the spot.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 300px;">
+<img src="images/illus613.png" width="300" height="500" alt="A-starin&#39; at the bride." title="A-starin&#39; at the bride." />
+<span class="caption">A-starin' at the bride.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>But I drawed him back, and sez I, "If you've got to be killed here,
+Josiah Allen, I don't want you killed by a Arab."</p>
+
+<p>And he sez, "I d'no but I'd jest as lieves be killed by a Arab as a
+Turkey.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_603" id="Page_603">[Pg 603]</a></span></p>
+<p>"But," sez he, "you tend to yourself, and I'll tend to myself. I wuz
+jest a-studyin' human nater, Samantha."</p>
+
+<p>And that wuz all the thanks I got for rescuin' him.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz jest as interestin' to walk through that village as it would be
+to go to Egypt, and more so&mdash;for we felt considerable safer right under
+Uncle Sam's right arm, as it wuz&mdash;for here we wuz way off in Africa,
+amongst their minarets and shops, and tents, men, wimmen, and children
+in their strange garbs, dancin', playin' music, cookin' and servin'
+their food, jest as though they wuz to hum, and we wuz neighborin' with
+'em, jest as nateral as we neighbor to hum with Sister Henzy or she that
+wuz Submit Tewksbury.</p>
+
+<p>Then there wuz some native Arabs with 'em who wuz a-eatin' scorpions,
+and a-luggin' round snakes, and a-cuttin' and piercin' themselves with
+wicked-lookin' weepons, and eatin' glass; I wuz glad enough to git out
+of there. I hate daggers, and abominate snakes, and always did.</p>
+
+<p>And then I knew what a case Josiah Allen is to imitate and foller
+new-fangled idees, and I didn't want my new glass butter dish and cream
+pitcher to fall a victim to his experiments.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_604" id="Page_604">[Pg 604]</a></span></p><p>Wall, next come Algeria and Tunis, and then Tunicks showed jest how they
+lived and moved in their own Barbery's state.</p>
+
+<p>Their housen are beautiful, truly Oriental&mdash;white, with decorations of
+pale green, blue, and vermilion.</p>
+
+<p>One is a theatre that will hold 600 folks.</p>
+
+<p>Then comes the panorama of the big volcano Kilauana.</p>
+
+<p>They couldn't bring the volcano with 'em, as volcanoes can't be histed
+round and lifted up on camels, or packed with sawdust, specially when
+they're twenty-seven milds acrost.</p>
+
+<p>So they brung this great picter of it. I spoze it is a sight to see it.</p>
+
+<p>But Josiah felt that he couldn't afford to go in and see the sight, and
+he sez, "It is only a hole with some fire and ashes comin' out of the
+top of it."</p>
+
+<p>I sez ironically, "Some like our leech barrel, hain't it, with a few
+cinders on top?"</p>
+
+<p>"Why, yes; sunthin' like that," sez he. "It wouldn't pay to throw away
+money on ashes and fire that we can see any day to hum."</p>
+
+<p>I didn't argue with him, for I never took to volcanoes much&mdash;I never
+loved to git intimate with 'em. But it wuz a sight to behold, so Miss
+Plank said&mdash;she went in to see it. She said, "It took her breath away
+the sight on't, but she's got it<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_605" id="Page_605">[Pg 605]</a></span> back agin (the breath); she talked real
+diffuse about it. But to resoom. The Chinese Village wuz jest like
+goin' through China or bein' dropped down onbeknown to you into a China
+village.</p>
+
+<p>Two hundred Chinamen are here by a special dispensation of Uncle Sam.</p>
+
+<p>And next to China is the Captive Balloon. I had wondered a sight what
+that meant.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah thought that somebody had catched a young balloon, and wuz
+bringin' it up by hand, but I knew better than that. I knew that
+balloons didn't grow indigenious.</p>
+
+<p>And it wuz jest as I'd mistrusted&mdash;they had a big balloon here all tied
+up ready to start off at a minute's notice.</p>
+
+<p>You jest paid your money, and you could go on a trip up in it through
+the blue fields of air. I told Josiah "that it wouldn't be but a few
+years before folks would ride round in 'em jest as common as they do in
+wagons." Sez I, "Mebby we shall have a couple of our own stanchled up in
+our own barn."</p>
+
+<p>"You mean tied up," sez he, and I do spoze I did mean that.</p>
+
+<p>But now to look up at the great deep overhead, and consider the vastness
+of space, and consider the smallness of the ropes a-holdin' the balloon
+down, I said to myself, "Mebby<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_606" id="Page_606">[Pg 606]</a></span> it wuz jest as well not to tackle the job
+of ridin' out in it that day."</p>
+
+<p>Jest as I wuz a-meditatin' this Josiah spoke up, and sez, "I won't pay
+out no two dollars apiece to ride in it."</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, "I kinder want to go up in it, and I kinder don't want to."</p>
+
+<p>And he sez, "That is jest like wimmen&mdash;whifflin', onstabled,
+weak-livered."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "I believe you're afraid to go up in it."</p>
+
+<p>"Afraid!" sez he; "I wouldn't be afraid a mite if it broke loose and
+sailed off free into space."</p>
+
+<p>"Why don't you try it, then?" I urged. "Wall," he sez, a-lookin' round
+as if mebby he could find some excuse a-layin' round on the ground, or
+sailin' round in the air, "if I wuz," sez he&mdash;"if I had another vest on.
+I hain't dressed up exactly as I'd want to be to go a-balloon ridin'.</p>
+
+<p>"And then," sez he, a-brightenin' up, "I don't want to skair you. You'd
+most probable be skairt into a fit if it should break loose and start
+off independent into space. And it would take away all my enjoyment of
+such a pleasure excursion to see you a-layin' on the earth in a fit."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "It hain't vests or affection that holds you back, Josiah
+Allen&mdash;it's fear."</p>
+
+<p>"Fear!" sez he; "I don't know the meanin' of that word only from what
+I've re<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_607" id="Page_607">[Pg 607]</a></span>ad about it in the dictionary. Men don't know what it is to be
+afraid, and that is why," sez he, "that I've always been so anxious to
+have wimmen keep in her own spear, where men could watch over her,
+humble, domestic, grateful.</p>
+
+<p>"Nater plotted it so," sez he; "nater designs the male of creation to
+branch out, to venter, to labor, to dare, while the female stays to hum
+and tends to her children and the housework." Sez he, "In all the works
+of nater the females stay to hum, and the males soar out free.</p>
+
+<p>"It is a sweet and solemn truth," sez he, "and female wimmen ort to lay
+it to heart. In these latter days," sez he, "too many females are
+a-risin' up, and vainly a-tryin' to kick aginst this great law. But they
+can't knock it over," sez he&mdash;"the female foot hain't strong enough."</p>
+
+<p>He wuz a-goin' on in this remarkably eloquent way on his congenial
+theme, but I kinder drawed him in by remindin' him of Miss Sheldon's
+tent we see in the Transportation Buildin'&mdash;the one she used in her
+lonely journeyin' a-explorin' the Dark Continent. Sez I, "There is a
+woman that has kinder branched out."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez he, "but men had to carry her." Sez he, "Samantha, the Lord
+designed it that females should stay to hum and tend to their<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_608" id="Page_608">[Pg 608]</a></span> babies,
+and wash the dishes. And when you go aginst that idee you are goin'
+aginst the everlastin' forces of nater. Nater has always had laws sot
+and immovable, and always will have 'em, and a passel of wimmen managers
+or lecturers hain't a-goin' to turn 'em round.</p>
+
+<p>"Nater made wimmen and sot 'em apart for domestic duties&mdash;some of which
+I have enumerated," sez he.</p>
+
+<p>"Whilst the males, from creation down, have been left free to skirmish
+round and git a livin' for themselves and the females secreted in the
+holy privacy of the hum life."</p>
+
+<p>Jest as he reached this climax we come in front of the Ostrich Farm,
+where thirty of the long-legged, humbly creeters are kept, and we hearn
+the keeper a-describin' the habits of the ostriches to some folks that
+stood round him.</p>
+
+<p>And Josiah, feelin' dretful good-natered and kinder patronizin' towards
+wimmen, and thinkin' that he wuz a-goin' to be strengthened in his talk
+by what the man wuz a-sayin', sez to me in a dretful, overbearin',
+patronizin' way, and some with the air as if he owned a few of the
+ostriches, and me, too, he kinder stood up straight and crooked his
+forefinger and bagoned to me.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_609" id="Page_609">[Pg 609]</a></span></p><p>"Samantha," sez he, "draw near and hear these interestin' remarks. I
+always love," sez he, "to have females hear about the works of nater.
+It has a tendency," sez he, "to keep her in her place."</p>
+
+<p>Sez the man as we drew near, a-goin' on with his remarks&mdash;he wuz
+addressin' some big man&mdash;but we hearn him say, sez he&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"The ostrich lays about a dozen and a half eggs in the layin'
+season&mdash;one every other day&mdash;and then she sets on the eggs about six
+hours out of the twenty-four, the male bird takin' her place for
+eighteen hours to her six.</p>
+
+<p>"The male bird, as you see, stays to hum and sets on the eggs three
+times as long as she duz, and takes the entire care of the young
+ostriches, while the female roams round free, as you may say."</p>
+
+<p>I turned round and sez to Josiah, "How interestin' the works of Nater
+are, Josiah Allen. How it puts woman in her proper spear, and men, too!"</p>
+
+<p>He looked real meachin' for most a minute, and then a look of madness
+and dark revenge come over his liniment. A tall, humbly male bird stood
+nigh him, as tall agin most as he wuz.</p>
+
+<p>And as I looked at Josiah he muttered, "I'll learn him&mdash;I'll learn the
+cussed fool to keep in his own spear."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_610" id="Page_610">[Pg 610]</a></span></p><p>I laid holt of his vest, and sez I, "What, do you mean, Josiah Allen, by
+them dark threats? Tell me instantly," sez I, for I feared the worst.</p>
+
+<p>"Seein' this dum fool is so willin' to take work on him that don't
+belong for males to do, I'll give him a job at it. I'll see if I can't
+ride some of the consarned foolishness out of him."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "Be calm, Josiah; don't throw away your own precious life through
+madness and revenge. The ostrich hain't to blame, he's only actin' out
+Nater."</p>
+
+<p>"Nater!" sez Josiah scornfully&mdash;"Nater for males to stay to hum and set
+on eggs, and hatch 'em, and brood young ones? Don't talk to me!"</p>
+
+<p>He wuz almost by the side of himself.</p>
+
+<p>And in spite of my almost frenzied appeals to restrain him, he lanched
+upon him.</p>
+
+<p>You could ride 'em by payin' so much, and money seemed to Josiah like so
+much water then, so wild with wrath and revenge wuz he.</p>
+
+<p>I see he would go, and I reached my hand up, and sez I, "Dear Josiah,
+farewell!"</p>
+
+<p>But he only nodded to me, and I hearn him murmurin' darkly&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Seein' he's so dum accommodatin' that he's took wimmen's work on him
+that they ort to do themselves, I'll give him a pull that will be apt to
+teach him his own place."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_611" id="Page_611">[Pg 611]</a></span></p>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus622.png" width="500" height="323"
+alt="&quot;I&#39;ll give him a pull that will be apt to teach him his own place.&quot;"
+title="&quot;I&#39;ll give him a pull that will be apt to teach him his own place.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"I'll give him a pull that will be apt to teach him his own place."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>And he started off at a fearful rate; round and round that inclosure
+they went, Josiah layin' his cane over the sides of the bird, and the
+keeper a-yellin' at him that he'd be killed.</p>
+
+<p>And when they come round by us the first time I heard him
+a-aposthrofizin' the bird&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Don't you want to set on some more eggs? don't you want to brood a
+spell?" and then he would kick him, and the ostrich would jump, and
+leap, and rare round. But the third time he come round I see a change&mdash;I
+see deadly fear depictered in his mean, and sez he wildly&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Samantha, save me! save me! I am lost!" sez he.</p>
+
+<p>I wuz now in tears, and I sez wildly&mdash;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_612" id="Page_612">[Pg 612]</a></span></p>
+<p>"I will save that dear man, or perish!" and I wuz jest a-rushin' into
+the inclosure when they come a-tearin' round for the fourth time, and
+jest a little ways from us the ostrich give a wild yell and leap, and
+Josiah wuz thrown almost onto our feet.</p>
+
+<p>As the keeper rushed in to pick him up, we see he held a feather in his
+hand.</p>
+
+<p>He thought it wuz tore out by excitement, and Josiah clinched the
+feathers to save himself.</p>
+
+<p>But Josiah owned up to me afterwards that he gin up that he wuz a-goin'
+to be killed, and that his last thought wuz as he swooned away&mdash;wuz how
+much ostrich feathers cost, and how sweet it would be to give me a last
+gift of dyin' love, by pickin' a feather off for nothin'.</p>
+
+<p>I groaned and sithed when he told me, and sez I, "What won't you do
+next, Josiah Allen?"</p>
+
+<p>But this wuz hereafter, and to pick up the thread of my story agin.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, Josiah wuzn't killed, he wuz only stunted, and he soon recovered
+his conscientousness.</p>
+
+<p>And before half a hour passed away he wuz a-talkin' as pert as you
+please, a-boastin' of how he would tell it in Jonesville. Sez he, "I
+wonder what Deacon Henzy will say when I tell him that I rode a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_613" id="Page_613">[Pg 613]</a></span> bird
+while I wuz here?" Sez he, "He never rode a crow or a sparrer."</p>
+
+<p>"Nor you, nuther," sez I; "how could you ride a crow?"</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez he, "I've rid a ostrich, and the news will cause great
+excitement in Jonesville, and probable up as fur as Zoar and Loontown."</p>
+
+<p>Then come Solomon's Temple. Josiah and I both felt that that wuz a good
+scriptural sight, worthy of a deacon and a deaconess, for some say that
+that is the proper way to address a deacon's wife.</p>
+
+<p>But come to find out, the Temple wuz inside of a house, and you had to
+pay to go in.</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, "Less pay, Josiah Allen, and go in."</p>
+
+<p>And he said that "it wuzn't scriptural. Solomon's Temple in Bible times
+never had a house built round it. And he wuzn't a-goin' to encourage
+folks to go on and build meetin'-housen inside of other housen.</p>
+
+<p>"Why," sez he, "if that idee is encouraged, they will be for buildin' a
+house round the Jonesville meetin'-house, and we will have to pay to go
+in."</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, "Less show our colors for the right, Samantha."</p>
+
+<p>The argument wuz a middlin' good one, though I felt that there wuzn't no
+danger.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_614" id="Page_614">[Pg 614]</a></span></p><p>But he went on ahead, and I had to foller on after him, like two old
+ducks goin' to water.</p>
+
+<p>I guess that if it had been free he wouldn't have insisted on our
+showin' our colors.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, the end of the Plaisance wuz devoted to soldiers, military
+displays, and camps and drill grounds.</p>
+
+<p>Quite a spacious place, as big as two city blocks, and it must have been
+very interestin' for war-like people to look on and see 'em in their
+handsome uniforms, a-marchin', and a-counter-marchin', and a-haltin',
+and a-presentin' arms, etc., etc.</p>
+
+<p>And there wuz gardens and orange groves nigh by, too, where you could
+see ripe oranges and green ones hangin' to the same trees&mdash;dretful
+interestin' sight.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, if you would turn back agin and go towards the Fair ground on the
+south side, a Hungarian Orpheum is seen first. This is a dance hall,
+theatre, and restaurant all combined.</p>
+
+<p>Folks can dance here all the time from mornin' till night, if they want
+to, but we didn't want to dance&mdash;no, indeed! nor see it; our legs wuz
+too wore out, and so wuz our eyes, so we wended on to the Lapland
+Village.</p>
+
+<p>The main buildin' in this is a hundred feet long, with a square tower in
+the centre.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_615" id="Page_615">[Pg 615]</a></span></p><p>Above the main entrance is a large paintin' representin' a scene in
+Lapland. Inside the inclosure are the huts of a Lapland Village, with
+the Laps all there to work at their own work.</p>
+
+<p>What a marvellous change for them! Transported from a country where
+there is eight months of total darkness, and four months of twilight or
+midnight sun, and so cold that no instrument has ever been invented to
+tell how cold it is.</p>
+
+<p>When the frozen seas and ice and snow is all they can see from birth
+till death.</p>
+
+<p>I wonder what they think of the change to this dazzlin' daylight, and
+the grandeur and bloom of 1893!</p>
+
+<p>But still they seem to weather it out a considerable time in their own
+icy home.</p>
+
+<p>King Bull, who is in Chicago, is one hundred and twelve years old, and
+is a five great-grandpa.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_616" id="Page_616">[Pg 616]</a></span></p><p>And most of the five generations of children is with him here. But
+marryin' as they do at ten or twelve, they can be grandpa a good many
+times in a hundred years, as well as not.</p>
+
+<p>In this village is their housen, their earth huts, their tepees,
+orniments, reindeers, dogs, sledges, fur clothin', boats, fishin'
+tackle, etc., etc.</p>
+
+<p>As queer a sight as I ever see, and here it wuz agin, my Josiah and me
+a-journeyin' way off in Lapland&mdash;the idee!</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus626.png" width="500" height="288"
+alt="My Josiah and me a-journeyin&#39; way off in Lapland&mdash;the idee!"
+title="My Josiah and me a-journeyin&#39; way off in Lapland&mdash;the idee!" />
+<span class="caption">My Josiah and me a-journeyin' way off in Lapland--the idee!</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>The Dahomey Village come next. This shows the homes and customs of that
+country where the wimmen do all the fightin'.</p>
+
+<p>I sez to Josiah, "What a curiosity that wuz!"</p>
+
+<p>And he sez, "I d'no about the curiosity on't. It don't seem so to me;
+some wimmen fight with their fists," sez he, "and some with their
+tongues."</p>
+
+<p>That wuz his mean, onderhanded way of talkin'.</p>
+
+<p>But these wimmen are about as humbly as they make wimmen anywhere.</p>
+
+<p>And as for clothes, they are about as poor on't for 'em as anybody I see
+to the Fair. They had on jest as few as they could.</p>
+
+<p>They say their war dances is a sight to see. But I didn't let Josiah
+look on any dancin' or anything of the kind that I could <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_617" id="Page_617">[Pg 617]</a></span>help. I did not
+forget what I mistrusted he sometimes lost sight on, when he's on
+towers&mdash;that he wuz a deacon and a grandpa.</p>
+
+<p>He acted kinder longin' to the last. He said "he spozed it wuz a sight
+to see 'em dance and beat their tom-toms."</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, "I don't want to see no children beat; and," sez I, "what did
+Tom do to deserve beatin'?"</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, "I meant their drums, and the stuns they roll round in their
+husky skin bags, and cymbals," sez he.</p>
+
+<p>"Then," sez I, "why didn't you say so?"</p>
+
+<p>Sez he, "I spoze to see them humbly creeters with rings in their noses,
+a-dancin' and contortin' their bodies, and twistin' 'em round, is a
+sight. And I spoze the noises is as deafenin' as it would be for all the
+Jonesville meetin'-house to knock all the tin pans and bilers they could
+git holt of together, and yell.</p>
+
+<p>"And they don't wear nothin' but some feathers," sez he.</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "I don't want to see no sech sight, and I don't want you
+to."</p>
+
+<p>And dretful visions, as I said it, rolled through my mind of the awful
+day it would be for Jonesville, if Josiah Allen should carry home any<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_618" id="Page_618">[Pg 618]</a></span>
+such wild idees, and git the other old Jonesvillians stirred up in it.</p>
+
+<p>To see him, and Deacon Henzy, and Deacon Bobbet, and the rest dressed up
+in a few feathers a-jumpin' round, and a-beatin' tin-pans, and
+a-contortin' their old frames, would, I thought, be the finishin' touch
+to me. I had stood lots of his experimentin' and branchin's out into new
+idees, but I felt that I could not brook this, so I would not heed his
+desire to stop. I made him move onwards.</p>
+
+<p>And then come Austria. There is thirty-six buildin's here, and they show
+Austrian life and costumes in every particular.</p>
+
+<p>Then come the Police Station, and Fire Department, and then a French
+Cider Press; but I didn't care nothin' about seein' that&mdash;cider duz more
+hurt than whiskey enough sight, American or French, and it wuzn't any
+treat to me to see it made, or drunk up, nor the effects on it nuther.</p>
+
+<p>Then there wuz a large French Restaurant, one of the best-built
+structures on the ground.</p>
+
+<p>Then come right along St. Peter's, jest as it is in this world, saints
+a-follerin' sinners.</p>
+
+<p>It is the exact model of the Church of St. Peter's at Rome.</p>
+
+<p>I would go in to see that, and Josiah consented after a parley.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_620" id="Page_620">[Pg 620]</a></span></p><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_619" id="Page_619">[Pg 619]</a></span></p><p>It is the exact model down to the most minute details of that most
+wonderful glory of art. It is about thirty feet long, and about three
+times as high as Josiah, and it is a sight to remember; it is perfectly
+beautiful.</p>
+
+<p>In this buildin' where the model is seen is some portraits of the
+different Popes, and besides these large models is some smaller ones of
+the beautiful Cathedral of Milan, the Piambino Palace, the Pantheon, and
+a statute of St. Peter himself.</p>
+
+<p>Good old creeter, how I've always liked him, and thought on him!</p>
+
+<p>But Josiah hurried me almost beyend my strength on the way out, for the
+Ferris Wheel wuz indeed nigh to us, and I forgive Josiah for his ardor
+when I see it.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 371px;">
+<img src="images/illus630.png" width="371" height="500"
+alt="The Ferris Wheel wuz indeed nigh to us, and I forgive Josiah for his ardor when I see it."
+title="The Ferris Wheel wuz indeed nigh to us, and I forgive Josiah for his ardor when I see it." />
+<span class="caption">The Ferris Wheel wuz indeed nigh to us, and I forgive Josiah for his ardor when I see it.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>If there wuz nothin' else to the World's Fair but jest that wheel, it
+would pay well to go clear from Jonesville to Chicago to see it. It
+stands up aginst the sky like a huge spider-web. It is two hundred and
+fifty feet in diameter&mdash;jest one wheel; think of that! As wide as twenty
+full-sized city houses&mdash;the idee! And there are thirty-six cars hitched
+to it, and sixty persons can ride in each car. So you can figger it out
+jest how much that huge spider-web catches when it gits in motion. Wall,
+my feelin's when I wuz a-bein' histed up through the air wuz about half
+and half<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_621" id="Page_621">[Pg 621]</a></span>&mdash;half sublimity and orr as I looked out on the hull glory of
+the world spread at my feet, and Lake Michigan, and everything&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>That part wuz clear riz up and noble, and then the other half wuz a
+skittish feelin' and a-wonderin' whether the tacklin' would give way,
+and we should descend with a smash.</p>
+
+<p>But the fifty-nine other people in the car with me didn't seem to be
+afraid, and I thought of the thirty-five other cars, all full, and
+a-swingin' up in the air with me; and the thought revived me some, and I
+managed to maintain my dignity and composure.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah acted real highlarious, and he wanted to swing round time and
+agin; he said "he would give a cent to keep a-goin' all day long."</p>
+
+<p>But I frowned on the idee, and I hurried him off by the model of the
+Eiffel Tower into Persia.</p>
+
+<p>There it wuz agin, my pardner and I a-travellin' in Persia&mdash;the very
+same Persia that our old Olney's gography had told us about years and
+years ago&mdash;a-visitin' it our own selves.</p>
+
+<p>I see the bazaars and booths all filled with the costliest laces, and
+rugs, and embroideries, and the Persians themselves a-sellin' 'em.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_622" id="Page_622">[Pg 622]</a></span></p><p>But Josiah hurried me along at a fearful rate, for I had got my eye onto
+some lace that I wanted.</p>
+
+<p>I did not want to be extravagant, but I did want some of that lace; I
+thought how it would set off that night-cap.</p>
+
+<p>But he said "that Jonesville lace wuz good enough if I had got to have
+any; but," sez he, "I don't wear lace on my night-cap."</p>
+
+<p>"No," sez I; "how lace would look on a red woollen night-cap!"</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez he, "why don't you wear red woollen ones?"</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "Josiah, you're not a woman."</p>
+
+<p>"No," sez he; "you wouldn't catch a man goin' to Persia for trimmin' for
+a night-cap."</p>
+
+<p>His axents jarred onto me, and mechanically I follered him into the
+Moorish Palace.</p>
+
+<p>One reason why I follered him so meekly and willin'ly, I didn't know but
+he would broach the subject of seein' them Persian wimmen dance.</p>
+
+<p>And I felt that I would ruther give a hull churnin' of fall's butter
+than to have his moral old mind contaminated with the sight.</p>
+
+<p>For they do say, them who have seen the sight, that "them Persian
+dancin' girls carry dancin' clear to the very verge of ondecency, and
+drop way off over the verge."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_623" id="Page_623">[Pg 623]</a></span></p><p>I see lots of wimmen comin' out with their fan held before their
+blushin' faces.</p>
+
+<p>They say that wimmen fairly enjoy a-goin' in there to be horrified.</p>
+
+<p>They go day after day, they say, so to come out all horrified up, and
+their faces bathed in blushes.</p>
+
+<p>The men didn't come out at all, so they said.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, Josiah Allen didn't git in&mdash;no, indeed. I remembered the
+Jonesville meetin'-house, our pasture, and the grandchildren, and kept
+'em before him all the time, so I tided him over that crisis.</p>
+
+<p>Now, I never had paid any attention to the Moors, and Josiah hadn't; we
+never had had any to neighbor with, and I felt that I wuzn't acquainted
+with 'em at all, unless of course I had a sort of bowin' acquaintance,
+as it wuz, with that one old Moor in my Olney's gography in my
+school-days.</p>
+
+<p>And what I'd seen of him didn't seem to make me hanker after any further
+acquaintance with him.</p>
+
+<p>But when I see that Palace of theirn I felt overwhelmed with shame and
+regret to think I'd always slighted 'em so, and never had made any
+overtoors towards becomin' intimate with 'em.</p>
+
+<p>The outside on't wuz splendid enough to almost take your breath, with
+its strange and gorgeous magnificence. It wuz sech a contrast in its
+construction to the Exposition Buildin's that lift their domes in such
+glory on the East.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_624" id="Page_624">[Pg 624]</a></span></p>
+<p>But if the outside struck a blow onto our admiration and astonishment,
+what&mdash;what shall I say of the inside?</p>
+
+<p>Why, as I entered that magnificent arched vestibule, with my faithful
+pardner by my side, and my good cotton umbrell grasped in my right hand,
+the view wuz pretty nigh overwhelmin' in its profusion of orniment and
+gorgeous decoration.</p>
+
+<p>That first look seemed to take me back to Spain right out of Chicago,
+and other troubles. I wuz a-roamin' there with Mr. Washington Irving,
+and Mr. Bancroft, and other congenial and descriptive minds, and
+surrounded with the gorgeous picters of that old time.</p>
+
+<p>I wuz back, I should presoom to say, as much, if not more, than four
+hundred years, when all to once I was recalled by my companion.</p>
+
+<p>"Dum it, I didn't know they charged folks for goin' to meetin'!"</p>
+
+<p>"Hush!" sez I; "this is not a meetin'-house, this is a palace; be calm!"</p>
+
+<p>And comin' down through the centuries as sudden as if jerked by a
+electric lasso of lightnin', I see that old familiar sight of a man
+a-settin' a-sellin' tickets.</p>
+
+<p>And Josiah with a deep sithe paid our fares, and we meandered onwards.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_625" id="Page_625">[Pg 625]</a></span></p><p>Right beyend the ticket man, to the right on him, wuz a colonnade
+runnin' round a circular room covered with a ruff in the shape of a
+tent. The ceilin' and walls are covered with landscape views of Southern
+Spain, and a mandolin orchestra carried out the idee of a Andulusian
+Garden.</p>
+
+<p>And then comes a labyrinth of columns and mirrors, and through 'em and
+round 'em and up overhead wuz splendor on splendor of orniment,
+gorgeousness on gorgeousness.</p>
+
+<p>These columns are made to put one in mind of the Alhambria, where we so
+often strayed with our friend Washington Irving.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 278px;">
+<img src="images/illus636.png" width="278" height="500"
+alt="Josiah paid our fares." title="Josiah paid our fares." />
+<span class="caption">Josiah paid our fares.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>And oh, what curious feelin's it did make me have to cast my eyes
+onwards amongst these splendid arches and pillows, and see anon or
+oftener a tall Moor, with his long robe and his white turban, or
+whatever they call it, a-fallin' round his face!</p>
+
+<p>And then another and another of the white-robed figgers, a-glidin' round
+in amongst the arches, or a-settin' there in a vista of gorgeousness,
+like ghosts of the past come to visit the Columbus Fair.</p>
+
+<p>Way beyend the labyrinths, and to the left on't, is the Palm Garden,
+with loun<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_626" id="Page_626">[Pg 626]</a></span>ging places for three or four hundred visitors, and a Moorish
+orchestra hid by a cluster of branchin' palms, and Arab attendants in
+native costumes.</p>
+
+<p>And then there wuz grottoes and fountains lit by electric lights, and
+groups of statuary illustratin' famous historical seens.</p>
+
+<p>And right here, while the past wuz a-pressin' so clost to us, that we
+wuz almost took back there in the body&mdash;our minds wuz there, way, way
+back&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>When sudden, swift, wuz we brung back from the past&mdash;brung back to
+conscientousness, as it were, by two forms and two voices.</p>
+
+<p>Here of all places in the world, in the heart of a Moorish palace, did
+my eyes fall upon the faces of Bizer Dagget, and Selinda, his wife.</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, as my eyes fell from the contemplation of art-decked freeze
+and fretted archways onto the old familar freckled face, and green
+alpaca dress, and Bizer's meek sandy whiskers, and pepper-and-salt
+suit&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "Whyee, Selinda and Bizer, is it you? How do you do? When did you
+git here? You didn't lay out to come when we started."</p>
+
+<p>"No," sez Selinda; "you know jest how it wuz, you know we had his folks
+to take care on, and Father Dagget wuz so helpless that we had to lift
+him round. And we shouldn't been<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_627" id="Page_627">[Pg 627]</a></span> able to git here at all, only Father
+had a severe fall out o' bed one night in the dead of night. He wuz all
+alone, and skairt&mdash;so we spoze&mdash;and that fall took him off on the second
+day.</p>
+
+<p>"And as quick as we could git ready we sot off here.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus638.png" width="500" height="378" alt="&quot;Whyee! Selinda and Bizer, is it you?&quot;" title="&quot;Whyee! Selinda and Bizer, is it you?&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"Whyee! Selinda and Bizer, is it you?"</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>"It didn't seem really right, but you know Father hain't known anything
+for upwards of two years, and you know jest how bad we did want to come
+here.</p>
+
+<p>"But I don't know as it wuz exactly right to come off so soon after he
+fell. I spoze it will make talk, I spoze his folks will talk, and the
+Jonesvillians."</p>
+
+<p>"But," I sez, for I wanted to comfort her&mdash;she's a good creeter&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "Columbus had to wait before he sot out to discover us, till
+Grenada fell, and that made talk." Sez I, "Probable Columbuses folks
+talke<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_628" id="Page_628">[Pg 628]</a></span>d as much as Bizer's folks will. But," sez I, "it wuz all for the
+best.</p>
+
+<p>"And," sez I, "your Father Dagget wuz a good creeter before he lost his
+mind."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez she, "but for upwards of two years he's tried to put his
+pantaloons on over his head, and he'd put his arms in his boots every
+time if we'd let him, thinkin' it wuz a vest."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "you've did well by him, Selinda, and now if I wuz in
+your and Bizer's place, I'd try to look round all I could and git my
+mind off, and see everything I could see."</p>
+
+<p>Sez she with a deep sithe, "There hain't no trouble about that; there is
+enough to see." Sez she, "It seems as though I had seen enough every
+five minutes sence I come, if it wuz spread out even and smooth, to
+cover a hull lifetime, and cover it thick, too," sez she.</p>
+
+<p>"And," sez I, warmly and candidly, "Heaven knows that is true&mdash;true as
+gospel."</p>
+
+<p>And then Selinda and Bizer, and Josiah and me walked on into other parts
+of the buildin', and there we see a small-lookin' model of the Santa
+Maria, the Admiral's flag-ship, manned by men with the same clothes on
+as wuz wore by Columbuses mariners. That filled me with large emotions,
+and Selinda felt it too.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_629" id="Page_629">[Pg 629]</a></span></p><p>And it wuz here that Josiah nudged me, and sez he, "You've always
+throwed it into my face that men don't think so much of each other as
+wimmen do; and now," sez he, "look at them two men&mdash;I've watched 'em as
+long as ten minutes&mdash;a-holdin' each other's hands."</p>
+
+<p>And sure enough, I turned, and I see two good-lookin' men a-holdin' each
+other by the hand as if they loved each other fondly&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>As if they couldn't bear to leggo. They wuz first-rate lookin' men, too,
+and you could see plain by their liniments how much store they sot by
+each other.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, Josiah and I wended off and looked at the wax figgers of Lincoln,
+and the death of Marie Antoinette, and lots of other interestin' wax
+statutes; and when we come back, there stood them two men still
+a-holdin' each other by the hand; and Josiah whispered agin, "How they
+love each other! no gabblin' and gushin', like wimmen, but jest silent,
+clost, deep love."</p>
+
+<p>"But," I sez, "I believe there is sunthin' wrong about 'em. It hain't
+nateral for men to stand still so long holt of hands. I believe they're
+in a fit or sunthin'."</p>
+
+<p>"A fit!" sez he. "I spoze a woman would have a fit if she had to keep
+still a minute with another woman in gunshot of her.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_630" id="Page_630">[Pg 630]</a></span></p>
+<p>"But to satisfy you," sez he, "I'll see."</p>
+
+<p>So he accosted 'em, and sez he, "I will ask the way to Noah's Ark." So
+he advanced with a polite air, and sez he, "Could either one of you two
+gentlemen tell me where Noah's Ark is situated?" Sez he, "Bizer is
+anxious to see it."</p>
+
+<p>They didn't move or stir, and Josiah agin sez, "Do you know where Noah's
+Ark is?" and he laid his hand on the arm of one of the men who stood
+near him.</p>
+
+<p>A Columbian Guard who stood near sez, "Keep your hand offen the wax
+figger!"</p>
+
+<p>Josiah wuz mortified most to death. He'd wanted to show off the equality
+of his sect, and to have man's love and fidelity proved to be but wax
+wuz harrowin'.</p>
+
+<p>But he didn't stay mortified more'n a minute and a half on sech a
+business.</p>
+
+<p>And the Guard told us where Noah's Ark wuz.</p>
+
+<p>And Bizer and Josiah wuz all carried away with it. This wuz in the
+children's room, and all the animals are reproduced life size, every one
+of 'em two and two, jest as they enter the Ark.</p>
+
+<p>We couldn't hardly tear our two pardners away, Selinda and I couldn't.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah said, "It wuz so beautiful and interestin'," and so Bizer said.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_631" id="Page_631">[Pg 631]</a></span></p>
+<p>But I believe what made them men cling to it so for sech a length of
+time, they hearn us talk about how we wanted to go into the Bazaar,
+where there wuz lots of things to sell.</p>
+
+<p>But finally they see they couldn't hold us back no longer, so we went
+through that gorgeous place, all full of bronzes, rugs, vases, pipes,
+and etcetry.</p>
+
+<p>We didn't stay long here, though, for Bizer and Josiah said that the air
+wuz that bad they wuz chokin', and that they couldn't stan' it.</p>
+
+<p>And Selinda and I a-feelin' that chokin' a pardner wuz the last thing we
+wanted to undertake, we went through it at a pretty good jog, and anon
+we found ourselves in Turkey; and here I found the Turkeys had done
+first-rate.</p>
+
+<p>Why, one piece of their hand-wrought lace wuz worth hundreds of
+thousands of dollars. While I wuz a-admirin' of it, Josiah whispered
+firmly&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Don't go to thinkin' of that old night-cap in sech a time as this."</p>
+
+<p>And I whispered back, "I hain't no more idee on't than you have of
+buyin' that old tent to take down to the lake with you a-fishin'."</p>
+
+<p>That very old battle-tent wuz all hand work, embroidered in gold and
+silver and silk in nateral figgers, and they said it wuz worth five
+millions of dollars&mdash;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_632" id="Page_632">[Pg 632]</a></span></p>
+<p>And a silver bedstead the Sultan is a-goin' to give to his daughter as
+a part of her settin' out when she marries wuz worth four hundred and
+fifty thousand dollars.</p>
+
+<p>You can from this form some idee of the value of the other enormous
+exhibits.</p>
+
+<p>And the most beautiful horses you ever see, right from the Sultan's
+stable, wuz a-prancin' round. And one hundred Beoudins with camels and
+dromedaries added to the picteresqueness of the seen.</p>
+
+<p>And then we see Cleopatri's needle, that tall column a-risin' up to the
+sky, all covered with writin' worse than mine, and that's a-sayin' a
+good deal. I couldn't read a word on't, nor Josiah couldn't.</p>
+
+<p>And to the back of the Grand Bazaar wuz leven cottages, where male and
+female Turkeys wuz workin' at their different trades, showin' jest how
+rugs, and carpets, and embroideries, and brass work is made.</p>
+
+<p>As I said to Selinda, "Would you believed it possible, Selinda, if we'd
+been told on't a dozen years ago that you and I should be a-travellin'
+in Turkey to-day?"</p>
+
+<p>And she said, "No, indeed; she had never imagined that she should ever
+visit sech foreign shores."</p>
+
+<p>Yes, we felt considerable riz up to think that we wuz engaged in foreign
+travel, but not hauty. No, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_633" id="Page_633">[Pg 633]</a></span>we are both on us well-principled, and don't
+believe in puttin' on airs.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, we stayed here a good while, and Josiah thought he'd eat sunthin'
+here, too. If he'd had his way, he would had a good square meal in every
+foreign country, and native one, too. That man's appetite is wonderful.
+Foreign countries can't quell it down, nor rumatiz, nor nothin'.</p>
+
+<p>Hakenbeck's animal show comes next, and it is the most complete&mdash;so they
+say&mdash;that wuz ever exhibited.</p>
+
+<p>The tent is two hundred feet square, and is filled with all the animals
+that ever went into the Ark, and more, too, I believe. Five thousand
+people can go in here at one time, and set down, and see lions a-ridin'
+on horseback, with a woman to run the performance, and see animals
+a-doin' everything else that ever wuz done by 'em, and tigers, and
+elephants, and performin' horses, and two hundred monkeys, and one
+thousand parrots.</p>
+
+<p>We didn't go in, but Josiah slipped in one day when I wuzn't with him,
+and he described it to me. He owned up to me that he had.</p>
+
+<p>And he said he did it to keep me from havin' sech a skair.</p>
+
+<p>"Why," sez he, "a woman that is afraid of a gobbler, and runs from a
+snake&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_634" id="Page_634">[Pg 634]</a></span></p><p>"Why," sez he, "I wouldn't as a man of feelin' take her right in the way
+of havin' her feelin's hurt and skairin' her most to death for nothin'
+this world could give."</p>
+
+<p>And I said&mdash;and I meant it&mdash;"If it hadn't been for the fifty cents I
+guess you wouldn't felt so, Josiah Allen."</p>
+
+<p>But he stuck to it that it wuz pure affection and principle. I d'no what
+to think about it, but I have my suspicions.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, at the next place Josiah could not be restrained. It wuz the good
+old-fashioned New England house with gable ends, and here a good New
+England dinner wuz served.</p>
+
+<p>And sez Josiah, "I don't leave this house till I have a good square
+meal."</p>
+
+<p>Bizer felt jest so, and so Selinda and I jined 'em in a meal most as
+good as she and I got up to hum, and that is sayin' a great deal.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah's satisfaction in eatin' that pork and beans, and them doughnuts,
+wuz a sight to witness.</p>
+
+<p>Bizer called for cold biled vittles, and sure enough, they brung 'em on.</p>
+
+<p>And the enjoyment of them two men wuz extreme. Selinda and I took
+comfort in some old-fashioned pound-cake and custard pie.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_635" id="Page_635">[Pg 635]</a></span></p>
+<p>Selinda said she'd love to have the receipt of that pound-cake.</p>
+
+<p>Selinda is a good plain cook. She can't cook like me, of course, but she
+duz well.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, their extra good meal had sot up Josiah and Bizer to a wonderful
+extent (they had drunk coffee too strong for 'em by half, and I knew
+it), and them two men wanted to go back into the Cairo Street. Bizer and
+Selinda had never seen it, and all the way there Josiah seemed to be on
+the lookout to do sunthin' heroic and surprisin' to Bizer.</p>
+
+<p>And jest after we got there, we did see as strange a sight as I ever
+see. It wuz a Eastern Fakir, as they called him. He wuz performin' one
+of his strange sights right there before our face and eyes.</p>
+
+<p>A big crowd wuz gathered round him of human bein's in all strange
+costumes, and camels and their drivers, and dromedaries, and donkeys,
+and everything else under the sun. But this man stood calm under the
+sights and ear-piercin' yells and jabbers.</p>
+
+<p>And in some way, I d'no how, nor Josiah don't, he wuz a-holdin' another
+Japan or Turkey&mdash;anyway, one of them foreign men&mdash;suspended right up in
+the air.</p>
+
+<p>I see it, and Josiah see it, and Bizerses folks. Eight eyes from
+Jonesville looked at it, to say nothin' of the assembled crowd.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_636" id="Page_636">[Pg 636]</a></span></p>
+<p>He wuzn't restin' on nothin' at all, so fur as we could see. What
+material wrought out of the Occult World wuz piled up under him I d'no.</p>
+
+<p>There might have been a sofa and two cushions wrought out of another
+fabric different from what we know anything about, and that don't make
+any show aginst the summer sky.</p>
+
+<p>And then, agin, it might be that Josiah wuz right.</p>
+
+<p>He sez, "It's easy enough to do that. He casts a mist before our eyes,
+and we have to see jest what he wanted us to."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez I, "if I had to do one of 'em to entertain the Missionary
+Society at Jonesville, I d'no but I had jest as soon hist Submit
+Tewksbury up in the air, and suspend her there in our parlor, as to cast
+mists before the eyes of the Jonesvillians and make 'em see her there
+when she wuz a-settin' on the sofa. Either one on 'em is queer&mdash;queer as
+a dog."</p>
+
+<p>"Wall," sez he, "you don't want to go into any sech a job. You'll kill
+Submit, anyway, experimentin' on her."</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, "You needn't worry; I hain't a-goin' to try to branch out
+into no sech doin's." Sez I, "I wuz usin' Submit as a metafor."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_637" id="Page_637">[Pg 637]</a></span></p><p>Wall, the Fakir after a while asked the queer-lookin' crowd gathered
+round him for money to try more experiments with.</p>
+
+<p>And wantin' to branch out and outdo Bizer, and make himself a hero,
+Josiah planked out a five-dollar bill.</p>
+
+<p>And then the man asked Josiah to look in his hat, and there inside the
+band he found the money, or so it seemed.</p>
+
+<p>And then he told me to look in my pocket, and there wuz five silver
+dollars to all appearance.</p>
+
+<p>I felt real well about it, and wuz about to put 'em into my portmoney,
+thinkin' that they wuz my lawful prey, seein' they had fell onto me
+through my pardner's weakness, when lo and behold! they wuzn't there.</p>
+
+<p>I felt real stunted, and kinder sot back.</p>
+
+<p>"Slight of hand," sez Josiah to me and Bizer. "Don't be afraid, I'll
+make it all right." And he reached out his hand to git the money back.
+The man handed the money back, or so we spozed, and vanished in the
+crowd.</p>
+
+<p>And Josiah, when he went to look in his hand, found some pink and white
+paper. He hollered round and acted for quite a spell, but the man wuz
+gone for good, and Josiah's money with him. Wall, Josiah wuz almost
+broken-hearted over the loss of his money; he felt awful browbeat and
+smut, and acted so.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_638" id="Page_638">[Pg 638]</a></span></p>
+<p>And then it wuz Bizer's time to show off and act. Nothin' to do but
+what Selinda had got to ride a camel.</p>
+
+<p>She hung back and acted 'fraid. She hain't a bit well, for all she is so
+fat. She has real dizzy spells sometimes, and is that cowardly that
+she'd be 'fraid to ride a cow, let alone one of them tall, humbly
+monsters. But nothin' to do but what Bizer would have his way.</p>
+
+<p>He did it jest to go ahead of us, and I knew it, for I put my foot right
+down in the first on't.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah would a paid out the money willin'ly ruther than had Bizer go
+ahead of him.</p>
+
+<p>Bizer said he wanted to give Selinda all the enjoyment he could while on
+her tower, she had been shet up so much, and hadn't had the pleasures
+she ort to had.</p>
+
+<p>I knew his motives and Selinda's feelin's, but couldn't break it up, for
+Selinda had always follered Elder Minkley's orders strict, that he gin
+her at the altar&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Wives, obey your husbands."</p>
+
+<p>She didn't rebel outward, but she whispered to me in pitiful axents&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I hate to ride that creeter&mdash;oh, how I hate to! But you know my
+principles," sez she; "you know I always said that wives ort to obey
+their pardners."</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_639" id="Page_639">[Pg 639]</a></span></p>
+<p>And I sez, "When pardners and common sense conflict, I foller common
+sense every time. Howsumever," sez I, "if you want to air them
+principles of yourn, you won't be apt to find a more lofty place to
+exhibit 'em."</p>
+
+<p>And I glanced up the gray precipitous sides of that camel, and she
+looked up 'em, too, with fear and tremblin', but begun to gird her
+lions, figgeratively speakin', to obey Bizer and embark.</p>
+
+<p>She has always boasted to me and the other neighborin' wimmen that she
+has never disobeyed her husband once; and I sez to her cheerfully,
+"Wall, I have, and expect to agin, if the Lord spares my life."</p>
+
+<p>And so Miss Bobbet told her, and Miss Gowdy, and Miss Peedick, and all
+the rest. She acted so high-headed about it, that we said it some to
+take down her pride, and some on principle.</p>
+
+<p>We believed there wuz reason in all things, and none of us wimmen felt
+that we would stand</p>
+
+<p>
+"On a burnin' deck,<br />
+Whence all but we had fled,"<br />
+</p>
+
+<p>and burn up, even if our pardners had ordered us to. We wuz law-abidin',
+every one on us, but we felt there wuz times where law ended and common
+sense begun.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_640" id="Page_640">[Pg 640]</a></span></p>
+<p>But Selinda argued, I well remember, that if Bizer had ordered her to
+stay on that deck, she should stay and be sot fire to.</p>
+
+<p>And she praised up little Casey Bianky warmly, while we thought and said
+that Casey acted like a fool, and felt that Mr. Bianky would much ruther
+had him run and save himself than to burn up; anyway, old Miss Bianky
+would, and I believe his pa would.</p>
+
+<p>Men are good-hearted creeters the biggest heft of the time, but failable
+in judgment sometimes, jest like female wimmen.</p>
+
+<p>But Selinda wuz firm in her belief.</p>
+
+<p>And here this day in Chicago she gin one of the most remarkable proofs
+of it ever seen in this country.</p>
+
+<p>So while Selinda trembled like a popple leaf, and her false teeth
+rattled over her dry tongue (besides the camel, she wuz 'fraid as death
+of the Turkey that driv it, and he did look fierce), the camel knelt
+down, and the almost swoonin' Selinda was histed up onto his back by the
+proud and haughty Bizer, and the strange-lookin' Turkey.</p>
+
+<p>She had no more than got seated when the driver give a skairful yell,
+and the camel give a fearful lunge, and straightened up on its feet, and
+Selinda's bunnet fell back onto her neck, an<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_642" id="Page_642">[Pg 642]</a></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_641" id="Page_641">[Pg 641]</a></span>d lay there through the hull
+of the enterprise, and her gray hair floated back onchecked, for she
+dassent let her hands go a minit to fix it.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz a mournin' bunnet and veil, but black gittin' soiled so easy, she
+had put on a bright green alpaca dress she had, thinkin' that she
+wouldn't see nobody she knew; and she wore some old yeller mitts for the
+same reason, and some low, shabby-lookin' shoes, and some white
+stockin's.</p>
+
+<p>And her weight bein' two hundred and forty, she showed off vivid aginst
+the settin' sun.</p>
+
+<p>Selinda is a meek woman and obedient, but she cries easy. You have got
+to take good traits and bad ones in folks. She can't help it. She always
+cries in class meetin', or anywhere&mdash;has cried time and agin a-tellin'
+how she would be trompled on and lay down and have her head chopped off
+if Bizer told her to.</p>
+
+<p>And of course it couldn't be expected she would go through this fearful
+experience without sheddin' tears. No; before she had been up there two
+minits she begun to cry.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 398px;">
+<img src="images/illus652.png" width="398" height="500"
+alt="Before she had been up there two minits she begun to cry."
+title="Before she had been up there two minits she begun to cry." />
+<span class="caption">Before she had been up there two minits she begun to cry.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>She always makes up pitiful faces when she weeps. It has been talked on
+a sight in Jonesville, some sayin' she might help it, and some
+contendin' that she couldn't; but she skairs children frequent.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_643" id="Page_643">[Pg 643]</a></span></p><p>But now she dassent leggo a minit to git her handkerchief, so she rode
+along weepin' silently, and a fearful sight for men or angels, but
+truly a cryin' monument of wifely devotion.</p>
+
+<p>As she moved off, I could see at the first strain her dress waist, bein'
+one of the short round ones with a belt, had bust asunder, leavin' a
+white waist of cotton flannel between 'em, which seemed to be a-growin'
+wider and wider all the time. (She wears cotton flannel for her health.)</p>
+
+<p>As I see this, and not knowin' what would ensue and take place in her
+clothin', I cast onto the wind my own fears, and the shrinkin' timidity
+of my sect, and graspin' my umbrell in my hand, I run along by the side
+of the lofty quadreped, a-tryin' to reach up and fix her a little.</p>
+
+<p>But I could not; her position wuz too lofty, the mount wuz too
+precipitous on which she sot.</p>
+
+<p>She see me, but she didn't stop her cryin', and the faces she wuz
+a-makin' wuz pitiful in the extreme, and skairful to anybody that hadn't
+seen 'em so much as I had. She wuz half bent, which made her
+cotton-flannel infirmity harder to witness.</p>
+
+<p>The camel wuz a-swayin' fearful from side to side, and a-lurchin'
+forwards and a lurchin' backwards at a dangerous rate.</p>
+
+<p>Oh, how dizzy-headed Selinda must have been! How skairt and how dretful
+her feelin's wuz!</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_644" id="Page_644">[Pg 644]</a></span></p>
+<p>Sez I, "Dismount to once, Selinda Dagget."</p>
+
+<p>"No," sez she; "Bizer has placed me here, and here I will stay."</p>
+
+<p>"You don't know whether you will or not," sez I. "I believe you are
+a-fallin' off; and," sez I, "I'm 'fraid you'll git killed, Selinda; do
+git down!"</p>
+
+<p>"I fear it too," sez she, and she looked down on me with agony in her
+mean, and sez she&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Good-bye, Sister Allen; if we don't meet agin, we both believe in a
+better country."</p>
+
+<p>I wuz all carried away by my emotions, or wouldn't spoke out so; but I
+sez&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"This country is all right enough, if folks didn't act like fools in
+it." Sez I, "Do you git down and pull down your bask, and wipe your nose
+and eyes; you look like fury, Selinda Dagget."</p>
+
+<p>"No," sez she; "Bizer wanted me to ride, and I shall die a-pleasin' him.
+I took vows of obedience onto me at the altar, and if I die here, Sister
+Allen, tell the female sistern at Jonesville that I died a-keepin' them
+vows."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "I'll tell 'em you died a nateral fool;" and sez I agin, "Git
+down offen that camel, Selinda Dagget, before you fall off."</p>
+
+<p>And I kep clost by her, and kinder poked at her with my umbrell, to let
+her know I hadn't deserted her, and ha<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_645" id="Page_645">[Pg 645]</a></span>vin' a blind idee that I could
+hold her up with it if the worst come.</p>
+
+<p>Where wuz Bizer durin' this fearful seen? while I wuz a-showin' plain
+the deathless devotion to my sect&mdash;to another one in distress.</p>
+
+<p>He wuz all took up with his own feelin's of pride and show.</p>
+
+<p>He wuz a-ridin' a donkey, and it wuz a-backin' up and a-actin', and took
+every mite of his strength and firmness to keep on.</p>
+
+<p>He had a tall white hat with a mournin' weed on't, and a long linen
+duster, and the wind blowed this out some like a balloon.</p>
+
+<p>He looked queer; but as soon as he stiddied himself on't he tried his
+best to reach the side of Selinda&mdash;I'll say that for him. But the donkey
+wuz obstinate, and kep a-backin' up, and Bizer, bein' his legs dragged,
+kinder walked along with the donkey under him. Occasionally he would set
+down for a spell, but the most of his journey wuz done a-walkin' afoot.
+And the crowd see it and cheered.</p>
+
+<p>It wuz hard on Bizer. Nothin' but pride and ambition led him into the
+undertakin', or kep him up through it.</p>
+
+<p>As for me, I lost all patience, and my breath, too, and went back to my
+pardner.</p>
+
+<p>And anon or about that time they made their rounds, and come back where
+Josiah and I stood.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_646" id="Page_646">[Pg 646]</a></span></p>
+<p>I reached up a handkerchief to Selinda as quick as I could, but she
+couldn't wipe her eyes or tend to her nose until she dismounted, or fix
+the gapin' kasum at the back of her waist.</p>
+
+<p>She greeted me warmly the minit her feet touched terry firmy, as one
+might who had come out of great peril. She's a good-hearted creeter.</p>
+
+<p>And between us both, with some pins I took out of my huzzy I always
+carry with me, we fixed her up agin.</p>
+
+<p>And if you'll believe it, the very minit I got her pinned up she begun
+to act high-headed and to boast of how much principle she'd shown.</p>
+
+<p>And I said, "You've shown more'n principle, Selinda; you've showed
+cotton flannel that you had ort to have kep to yourself. You have made a
+panorama that can't be described."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez she; "it will be sunthin' to tell on all my life."</p>
+
+<p>She took it as a compliment. Oh dear me suz!</p>
+
+<p>Bizer had scraped the patent leather all offen the toes of his shoes,
+and had squandered three dollars in money, but he felt good. Yes, they
+both said what a excitement this adventure would make in Jonesville when
+they told on't.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_647" id="Page_647">[Pg 647]</a></span></p><p>And I thought to myself, if the Jonesvillians could see jest how she
+looked, and he too, it would be apt to make a excitement.</p>
+
+<p>How many times did I digest this great truth while on my tower! How
+little we know sometimes what a appearance we are a-makin' before men
+and angels, when we think we are a-doin' sunthin' wonderful!</p>
+
+<p>Wall, Josiah wuz all took aback; he couldn't seem to bear Bizer's
+patronizin' ways so well as I could Selinda's. Truly, females learn the
+lesson well to suffer and be calm.</p>
+
+<p>But he acted kinder surly, and proposed that we should go hum; and bein'
+tired as a dog, I gin a willin' consent, and Bizer and Selinda parted
+from us, their way layin' different from ourn.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, that night, after we got back to Miss Plankses, I felt all kind o'
+shook up in sperit, and considerable as I do when I've eat too hearty,
+and of too many kinds of food.</p>
+
+<p>You know, you mustn't swaller a big meal too quick, or eat too many
+kinds of food when you're tired, or it won't set right on your stomach.</p>
+
+<p>I felt real dyspeptic in my mind that night, and I felt that I had
+wandered out of the sweet, level paths of Moderation and Megumness that
+I love to wander in.</p>
+
+<p>But I am a eppisodin', and to resoom.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_648" id="Page_648">[Pg 648]</a></span></p><p>It seemed as if the bed never felt so good to me as it did that night;
+and the pillers never felt so soft, and quiet, and comfortable. And
+with a deep sithe of content I went out at once into the Land of Sleep,
+and bein' too tired to</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">"tread its windin' ways</span><br />
+Beyend the reach of busy feet,"<br />
+</p>
+
+<p>I sunk down under the shade of a branchin' Poppy Tree, and laid there
+becalmed and peaceful till Miss Plankses risin' bell rung&mdash;way up the
+stairway, up into my bedroom&mdash;and echoed over into the Land, shook the
+drowsy boughs over my head, and waked me up.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_649" id="Page_649">[Pg 649]</a></span></p>
+<p>And then, tired as I wuz the night before, I felt considerable chipper.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XX" id="CHAPTER_XX"></a>CHAPTER XX.</h2>
+
+
+<p>Wall, this mornin' we sot off in good season. We would always lay our
+plans in the mornin', and that mornin' I said, "I would love to tackle
+the Agricultural Buildin'."</p>
+
+<p>And Josiah gin his willin' consent. He said, "After so much gildin' and
+orniments, he would love to look at a potato, or a rutabagy, or a
+cowcumber."</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, "If you lay out to git rid of seein' orniments, you had
+better not stir out of your tracks."</p>
+
+<p>And Nony Piddock said, "It sickened a man to see so much vain orniment."</p>
+
+<p>And the Twin said, "It wuz perfectly beautiful to see it."</p>
+
+<p>And the rest of the boarders bein' agreed jest about as well on't, we
+set out for the Agricultural Hall in pretty good sperits.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, truly did Nony say that the orniments wuz impressive and
+overwhelmin'.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_650" id="Page_650">[Pg 650]</a></span></p>
+<p>Now, I thought I had seen orniments, and I thought I had seen pillows.</p>
+
+<p>Why, Father Allen had a porch held up by as many as five pillows&mdash;holler
+ones&mdash;boarded round and painted to look like granite stun.</p>
+
+<p>And our Meetin'-House steeple wuz, I had always spozed, ornimented.</p>
+
+<p>Why, we had gin as high as fourteen dollars for the ornimental work on
+that steeple, and the Jonesvillians, and the Loontowns, and the Zoarites
+come from fur and near to look at it and admire it, the Jonesvillians in
+pride and the others in envy, and a-hankerin' to have one like it.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 377px;">
+<img src="images/illus662.png" width="377" height="500"
+alt="The Jonesvillians, and the Loontowns, and the Zoarites came from fur and near."
+title="The Jonesvillians, and the Loontowns, and the Zoarites came from fur and near." />
+<span class="caption">The Jonesvillians, and the Loontowns, and the Zoarites came from fur and near to admire it.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>But truly our pride in that steeple tottered and fell when we hove in
+sight of that Agricultural Hall.</p>
+
+<p>And when you look at the size of that buildin', and the grandeur of it,
+you can see plain what sort of a place Agriculture holds in the minds of
+the world, and how much store folks set on eatin'; and truly, how could
+the world git along without it? It would run right down.</p>
+
+<p>Why, imagine, if you can, eight hundred feet one way and five hundred
+the other way, all orniments and pillows, pillows and orniments, and one
+big towerin' dome in the centre, and lots of smaller ones, each one
+topped off with the most beautiful figger, and groups of figgers, you
+ever laid eyes on.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_652" id="Page_652">[Pg 652]</a></span></p><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_651" id="Page_651">[Pg 651]</a></span></p>
+<p>Where wuz Father Allen's pillow, and our steeple? Gone, crushed down
+under twenty-six hundred feet of clear pillows and orniments.</p>
+
+<p>On top of the great central dome stands the beautiful figger of Diana,
+who had flown away from Madison Square, New York, and had settled down
+here on purpose to delight the beholders of the United Globe with her
+beauty and grace.</p>
+
+<p>She wuz still a-holdin' her arrows in her hand, still a-turnin' her
+beautiful face around so everybody could see it, still a-kickin' at the
+wind with her pretty heel. But, as in the past, so now, let her kick
+ever so hard, she couldn't turn the wind a mite when it got its mind
+made up to blow from any particular pint of the compass.</p>
+
+<p>And besides this figger on the dome, every little while on the four
+corners of the buildin' wuz long, low groups of female wimmen a-holdin'
+garlands, depicterin' the four seasons.</p>
+
+<p>And the long line of pillows would be broken by noble piers, with a
+beautiful group of figgers on every one on 'em, and some flags a-wavin'
+out, as if to draw attention to the perfectness of the statutes.</p>
+
+<p>One on 'em wuz a good-lookin' man a-holdin' two prancin' horses, and I
+sez to myself, I am glad to see a man a-holdin' the bits for once.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_653" id="Page_653">[Pg 653]</a></span></p><p>But come to look closter, I see that there wuz two figgers&mdash;little
+girls, I guess&mdash;that wuz holt of the horses' heads. And then I see the
+man had a sword in one hand and a club in the other. He wuzn't to
+blame&mdash;he couldn't hold 'em. Jest like Josiah; lots of times he would be
+real glad to do things, only his hands are full.</p>
+
+<p>And then another group wuz a beautiful female a-standin' up between two
+great, big, long-horned oxen, a-holdin' them powerful-lookin' beasts
+with a rope made of posies.</p>
+
+<p>Good land! I wouldn't held 'em with iron chains. They looked so
+high-headed, and their horns looked so long, and it seemed too bad to
+put her at such a dangerous job.</p>
+
+<p>But she didn't seem to be a mite afraid; she looked calm, and she had on
+plenty of store clothes, which wuz indeed a comfort.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus666.png" width="500" height="331"
+alt="She didn&#39;t seem to be a mite afraid."
+title="She didn&#39;t seem to be a mite afraid." />
+<span class="caption">She didn't seem to be a mite afraid.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>And then, besides these main piers, with their large, beautiful groups,
+there wuz fifty-two smaller piers, each one havin' a handsome statute,
+representin' winged Geniis, sometimes a-holdin' tablets in their hands,
+and anon horns of plenty, and abundance.</p>
+
+<p>Most of this beautiful sculpture wuz designed by a man named Martiney,
+French born, but I guess a-callin' himself an American now.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_654" id="Page_654">[Pg 654]</a></span></p><p>And I thought, as I looked at it, I would love to see him, and tell him
+how well I thought on him and his works. He also made the beautiful
+orniments in the interior of the large rotunda, and the great figger of
+Ceres that stands in the centre.</p>
+
+<p>In the pediment over the main entrance stands another beautiful figger
+of Ceres&mdash;she that wuz Demetor Saturn.</p>
+
+<p>I spoze, mebby, now we ort to call her Miss Jupiter. But, anyway, she is
+as good-hearted as can be, always a-handin' out grain and food to the
+perishin'.</p>
+
+<p>Here she stands in the sculpture, which is made by an American, Mr. Mead
+by name&mdash;here she stands, tall and benignant, in the centre of as many
+as twenty men, wimmen, and children, a-sufferin' from hunger the most on
+'em, and she a-handin' out food right and left. What a good creeter she
+is, anyway!</p>
+
+<p>Wall, mebby I have gin you a faint, a very faint idee of the beauty of
+the hull twenty-six hundred feet of solid loveliness and perfection.</p>
+
+<p>But who&mdash;who will tell what we see inside on't?</p>
+
+<p>In this buildin' every State in the Union, and almost every civilized
+nation of the world, is represented with agricultural exhibits, and food
+products in their manufactured state. Prizes will be gin at the end of
+the Fair to the <i>best</i>.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_656" id="Page_656">[Pg 656]</a></span></p><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_655" id="Page_655">[Pg 655]</a></span></p>
+<p>Every nation is shown up here; and if you have got any learnin', you
+can look it up in your own Gography, and realize the number on 'em, and
+the immense size of the exhibition.</p>
+
+<p>And then there is the most interestin' exhibits in agricultural
+teachin', Schools and Colleges of different nations, side by side with
+the best American colleges of Agriculture, and Experimental Stations.</p>
+
+<p>Here in this exhibit you can see everything eatable and drinkable, from
+Jonesville wheat to palm sugar, and all sorts of vegetables that wuz
+ever seen, and the very biggest ones that wuz ever grown, from a sweet
+potato to a squash, and peanuts to cocoanuts&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>And all sorts of animal products, from a elephant's tusk, from Africa,
+to a sleek deacon's skin, from Jonesville.</p>
+
+<p>And then, besides the exhibit of raw products of every kind, from Egypt
+to Shackville, there are shown off all sorts of manufactured foods, and
+everything else, and so forth and so on.</p>
+
+<p>If you stay here long enough, say from 2 to 3 months, you can git a good
+idee of what the world feeds on, from Hindoostan to Loontown and Zoar.</p>
+
+<p>Josiah enjoyed himself here richly.</p>
+
+<p>He hardly could be torn away.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_657" id="Page_657">[Pg 657]</a></span></p>
+<p>And I took comfort, too, in the dairy, where the butter and cheese from
+the different States is shown off in handsome cases, and kep cool and
+fresh in dog-days. This wuz, I spoze, to test the merits of the
+different breeds of dairy cattle, and teach the very best methods of
+makin' butter and cheese.</p>
+
+<p>I took solid comfort here, and I also got some new and useful idees that
+I could disseminate to Miss Isham, and she that wuz Submit Tewksbury.</p>
+
+<p>As for Philury, I mean to give her lessons daily (she runs our dairy in
+my absence).</p>
+
+<p>In the annex of this buildin' wuz exhibits of all the Agricultural
+implements ever known or hearn on, from the first old rickety reaper up
+to the noble machine of to-day, that will cut the grain, and take out a
+string and tie it up in sheafs; and I guess if it wuz encouraged enough,
+it would take it to the mill and grind it&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>And the first old cotton-gin and mower up to the finished machines of
+to-day.</p>
+
+<p>Outside this buildin', directly on the lagoon, wuz exhibits of gates,
+fences, and all sorts of wind-mills, from the picteresque old Dutch
+mills up to the ones of eighteen hundred and ninety-three.</p>
+
+<p>And engines, portable and traction ones.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_658" id="Page_658">[Pg 658]</a></span></p><p>I asked Josiah, "What he spozed a traction engine wuz," and he sez, "One
+that is tractable&mdash;easy to manage." Sez he, "Some on 'em, you know, is
+obstropolos."</p>
+
+<p>I don't know whether he got it right or not, but he seemed sure on't,
+and that is half the battle, so fur as makin' a show is concerned, in
+this world.</p>
+
+<p>Jined to this department is a Assembly Hall, on purpose for speakers and
+orators to disseminate the best and latest idees about agriculture.</p>
+
+<p>And, take it all in all, what a boon to Jonesville and the World the
+hull exhibit is!</p>
+
+<p>It wuz a sight!</p>
+
+<p>Wall, bein' pretty nigh to it&mdash;only a little walk acrost a tree-shaded
+green&mdash;I acceded to my pardner's request that I would go with him to the
+Stock Exhibit. He had been before, but I hadn't got round to it.</p>
+
+<p>It is sixty-three acres big, forty-four acres under ruff.</p>
+
+<p>Think of a house forty-four acres big!</p>
+
+<p>Wall, here we see every live animal that wuz ever seen, from a little
+trick pony to a elephant, and from a sheep to a camel&mdash;a dretful
+interestin' exhibit, but noisy.</p>
+
+<p>And all kinds of dogs, from a poodle to a mastiff.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_660" id="Page_660">[Pg 660]</a></span></p><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_659" id="Page_659">[Pg 659]</a></span></p><p>Why, there wuz one dog there that wuz worth three thousand and seven
+hundred dollars; it is the biggest dog in the world.</p>
+
+<p>But I told Josiah that I wouldn't gin a cent for it if I had got to have
+it round; it wuz so big that it wuz fairly skairful. Why it weighed
+about two hundred and fifty pounds.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 377px;">
+<img src="images/illus670.png" width="377" height="500"
+alt="It wuz so big that it wuz fairly skairful." title="It wuz so big that it wuz fairly skairful." />
+<span class="caption">It wuz so big that it wuz fairly skairful.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>It wuz a St. Bernard; but I told Josiah, "Santi or not, I wouldn't want
+to meet it alone in the back lane in the evenin'."</p>
+
+<p>It would skair a young child into fits to go through this department;
+some of them wild creeters look so ferocious, especially the painters,
+they made my blood fairly curdle.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, we stayed here for some time, or until my ear-pans seemed to be
+ruined for life. And then we had a little time on our hands, and Josiah
+proposed that we should go out on the water and take a short voyage to
+rest off. I gin a glad consent, and we sot off.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, after bein' on the water a little while, I begun to feel so much
+rested that I proposed that we should row round to the other end of the
+park, and pay attention to some of the State Buildin's.</p>
+
+<p>"For," sez I, "if the different countries should hear on't that I have
+been here all this while, without payin' 'em any attention, they will
+feel hurt." And sez I, "I had ruther give a cen<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_661" id="Page_661">[Pg 661]</a></span>t than to have Great
+Britain feel hurt, and lots of the rest on 'em.</p>
+
+<p>"And then," sez I, "it hain't right to slight 'em, even if they never
+heard on't."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, shaw!" sez Josiah, "I guess that they would git along if you didn't
+go at all; I guess that they hain't a-sufferin' for company this year."</p>
+
+<p>"But," sez I with dignity, "this is a fur different thing, and as fur as
+our own United States Buildin's are concerned, I feel bound to 'em,
+bein' such a intimate friend to their Father-in-law."</p>
+
+<p>"What do you mean?" sez Josiah.</p>
+
+<p>"Why, Uncle Sam," sez I&mdash;"U.S. Epluribus Unim."</p>
+
+<p>Agin he sez, "Oh, shaw!" But I held firm, and at my request the boat
+headed that way.</p>
+
+<p>And we landed as nigh 'em as we could.</p>
+
+<p>You see, all the United States, and most of the Foreign Countries, have
+a separate buildin', mostly gin up to social and friendly purposes,
+where natives of that State and country can go in and rest, and
+recooperate&mdash;see some of their friends, and so on, and so forth.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, we laid out to pay attention to a lot on 'em that day.</p>
+
+<p>But, as it turned out, we didn't go to but jest three on 'em, the
+reasons of which I will set down, and recapitulate.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_662" id="Page_662">[Pg 662]</a></span></p>
+<p>I felt that we <i>had</i> to go to New York and Illinois. Loyalty and
+Politeness stood on both sides of us, a-leadin' us to the home of our
+own native State, and the folks we wuz a-visitin'; and we found New York
+a perfect palace, modelled after an Italian one. And the row of green
+plants a-standin' on the ruff all round made it look real uneek and
+dretful handsome. And inside it wuz fitted up as luxurious as any palace
+need to be, with a banquet hall eighty-four feet long and forty-six feet
+high; a glow of white, and gold, and red, and crystal.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, the hull house wuz pleasant and horsepitable, as become the
+dwellin' place of the Empire State.</p>
+
+<p>And Illinois! You might know what you'd expect to find inside, when you
+see what they had outside on't.</p>
+
+<p>That statute, "Hide and Seek," before the entrance, wuz, I do believe,
+the very best thing I see to the hull Fair&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Five little children with merry, laughin' faces a-playin' at hide and
+seek in a broken gray old stump, and flowers, and vines, and mosses
+a-runnin' round it and over it as nateral as life.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, I stood before that beautiful object till Josiah had to draw me
+away from it almost by main force.</p>
+
+<p>But inside it come my time to draw him away.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_663" id="Page_663">[Pg 663]</a></span></p>
+<p>When we see that picter of the old farm made in seeds, he wuz as rooted
+to the spot as if he intended to remain sot out there, and grow up with
+the State.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus674.png" width="500" height="457"
+alt="He wuz rooted to the spot." title="He wuz rooted to the spot." />
+<span class="caption">He wuz rooted to the spot.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>And it wuz a dretful interestin' sight&mdash;the farm-house, the barns, the
+well, the old windmill, the long fields a-stretchin' back, and fenced
+off, with different crops on 'em, the good-lookin' men and wimmen, and
+the horses, with their glossy hides and silky manes and tails, and all
+made of different kinds of seeds and grasses. It wuz a sight to see the
+crowd that stood before that from mornin' till night, and you ask ten
+folks what impressed 'em the most at the Fair, and more'n half on 'em
+would most likely say that it wuz that seed picter in the Illinois
+Buildin'. Over one side on't wuz draped sunthin' that I took to be the
+very richest silk or velvet, all fringed out with a deep fringe on the
+end on't. But it wuz al<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_664" id="Page_664">[Pg 664]</a></span>l made of grasses of different kinds&mdash;the idee!
+Fifteen young ladies of Illinois made that, and they done first-rate. I
+want 'em to know what I think on't, and what Josiah duz.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, inside the buildin' wuz full and runnin' over with beautiful
+objects&mdash;lovely picters, noble statuary, beautiful works of art and
+industry done by the sons and daughters of the State.</p>
+
+<p>It would take more'n a week to do any justice to it. Illinois done
+splendid. I want her to know how I appreciated it. She'll be glad to
+know how riz up I felt there.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, when we left there we had a little dialogue&mdash;not mad exactly, but
+earnest.</p>
+
+<p>I wanted to go and see Great Britain, and Josiah wanted to go to Vermont
+(he has got a third cousin a-livin' there, and he wanted to see him).
+"Wall," sez I, "we've got a mother to tend to; the Mother Country calls
+for a little filial attention."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, shaw!" sez he; "I guess you feel more related than they do; and,"
+sez he, "I shall go to Vermont. Mebby I shall meet Bildad Allen right
+there in the settin'-room."</p>
+
+<p>So there it wuz&mdash;we wuz both determined. I see by my companion's mean
+that it wouldn't do to insist on Great Britain.</p>
+
+<p>But a woman hates to give in awful. So I suggested makin' a compromise
+on California.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 396px;">
+<img src="images/illus676.png" width="396" height="500"
+alt="A woman hates to give in awful, so I suggested a compromise on California."
+title="A woman hates to give in awful, so I suggested a compromise on California." />
+<span class="caption">A woman hates to give in awful, so I suggested a compromise on California.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_666" id="Page_666">[Pg 666]</a></span></p><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_665" id="Page_665">[Pg 665]</a></span></p>
+<p>And he agreed to it. He, too, had seen a look of marble determination
+on my mean, and he dassent press the Vermont question too hard.</p>
+
+<p>So we directed our steps towards the California Buildin'. It is a exact
+reproduction of the old Monastery of San Diego, and one hundred thousand
+square feet is the size on't.</p>
+
+<p>It is full of the products of California. Sech fruit and flowers I never
+see, and don't expect to agin.</p>
+
+<p>The flowers wuz gorgeous, and perfectly beautiful, and I spoze, though I
+don't really want to twit 'em of it, yet I do spoze they brought every
+mite of fruit out of California for this occasion. I don't spoze there
+wuz a orange left there, or a grape, nor anything else in the line of
+fruit. Mebby there might a been one or two green oranges left, but I
+doubt it.</p>
+
+<p>And as for canned and dried fruit, I don't spoze there wuz a teacupful
+left in the hull State.</p>
+
+<p>Why, jest think of the dried prunes it must have took to make that horse
+that wuz rared up there seven feet from the floor!</p>
+
+<p>And wuzn't that horse a sight to see?&mdash;jest as nateral as though he wuz
+made of flesh instead of fruit.</p>
+
+<p>I hearn, but mebby it come from some of their own folks&mdash;but I hearn
+that <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_667" id="Page_667">[Pg 667]</a></span>California had the best exhibits of all kinds of any of the States.
+But I wouldn't want it told from me. I don't want to git thirty or
+forty States mad as a hen at me; the States are dretful touchy, anyway,
+in the matter of State Rights and pride.</p>
+
+<p>But the show wuz impressive&mdash;dretful.</p>
+
+<p>This house wuz built, I spoze, in honor of Spain, like a old Spanish
+Mission Buildin'; and up in the towers which rise up on the four corners
+are belfrys, in which are some of the old Spanish bells, that still ring
+out and call to prayers, when the good old Fathers that used to hear
+'em, and the Injun converts, generations and generations of 'em, have
+slept so sound that the bells can't wake 'em.</p>
+
+<p>And the bells still swing out over this restless and ambitious
+generation, and they will swing and echo jest the same when we too have
+gone to sleep, and sleep sound.</p>
+
+<p>Queer, hain't it, that a little dead lump of metal should outlive the
+beatin' human heart&mdash;the active, outreachin' human life, with its
+world-wide activities and Heaven-high aspiration?</p>
+
+<p>But so it is; generations and generations are born, live, and die, and
+the old bells, a-takin' life easy, jest swing on, and ring out jest as
+sweet and calm and kinder careless at our death as at our birth.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_668" id="Page_668">[Pg 668]</a></span></p><p>The bells sounded dretful melancholy and heart achin' to me; that day
+they seemed to be soundin' a requiem clear from California to
+Jonesville for the good Man who had passed away.</p>
+
+<p>Jest as we went down the steps we hearn a bystander a-tellin' another
+one "that Leland Stanford wuz dead." And I wuz fearful rousted up about
+it; I felt like death to hear on't; and to think that I never had a
+chance to tell him what I thought on him. I was fearful agitated, and
+almost by the side of myself; but jest at that juncture&mdash;jest as I sez
+to Josiah, "I shouldn't felt so bad if I had had a chance to tell him
+what I thought on him, and encourage him in his noble doin's, and warn
+him in one or two things"&mdash;jest at that minit, sez Josiah, "I've lost my
+bandanny handkerchief;" and he told me, "To wait there for him, that he
+thought that he remembered where he had dropped it&mdash;back in a antick
+room in the back part of the house."</p>
+
+<p>And I thought more'n like as not that wuz the last I should see of him
+for hours and hours, the crowd wuz so immense and the search wuz so
+oncertain.</p>
+
+<p>But it wuz a good new handkerchief&mdash;red and yeller, with a palm-tree
+pattern on it&mdash;and I couldn't discourage him from huntin' for it.</p>
+
+<p>And jest as he turned to go back, he sez&mdash;</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_669" id="Page_669">[Pg 669]</a></span></p>
+<p>"Why, if there hain't Deacon Rogers of Loontown!"</p>
+
+<p>And he advanced onto a good-lookin' man, who wuz a-standin' some
+distance off.</p>
+
+<p>My pardner put out his hand and stepped forward with a glad face till he
+got to within three feet of him, and then his gladness died out, and he
+looked meachin'.</p>
+
+<p>It wuzn't Rogers. And my pardner jest turned on his tracks, and
+disappeared round the buildin'. A bystander who wuz a-standin' by spoke
+up and sez:</p>
+
+<p>"That is Governor Markham, of California."</p>
+
+<p>"Why'ee!" sez I, "is that so?" and then the thought come to me that the
+pityin' Providence that had removed Senator Stanford from my
+encouragement, and warnin', had throwed this man in my way.</p>
+
+<p>I see in a minit what would be expected of me both by the nation and by
+my own Gardeen Angel of Duty.</p>
+
+<p>I must encourage him by tellin' him what I thought of the noble doin's
+of one of his folks, and I must warn him on a few things, and git him to
+turn round in his tracks.</p>
+
+<p>So I advanced, and accosted him.</p>
+
+<p>He was a-standin' out a little ways to one side a-lookin' up to the
+handsome front of the ho<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_670" id="Page_670">[Pg 670]</a></span>use, and I sez to him, in a voice nearly
+tremblin' with emotion&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I have wanted to tell you, Governor Markham, how I feel, and how Josiah
+feels."</p>
+
+<p>He turned round and looked kinder surprised, but good-natered, and I see
+then that he wuz a real good-lookin' man, and sez he&mdash;"Who is Josiah?"</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, "My own pardner. I am Josiah Allen's Wife."</p>
+
+<p>And as I sez this, bein' very polite, I kinder bowed my head, and he
+kinder bowed his head too. We appeared real well, both on us.</p>
+
+<p>And sez I, "We feel it dretful, the passin' away and expirin' of one of
+your folks."</p>
+
+<p>And sez he, "You allude to Senator Stanford?"</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, "Yes; when I think of that noble school of hisen that he has
+sot up there in your great State&mdash;the finest school in the world for
+poor boys and poor girls, as well as rich ones&mdash;when I think what that
+great educational power is a-goin' to do for the children of this great
+country, rich and poor, I think on him almost by the side of Christopher
+Columbus. For if Christopher discovered a new world, Senator Stanford
+wuz a-takin' the youth of this country into a new realm&mdash;a-sailin' 'em
+out into a new world, and a grander one than they'd any idee
+on&mdash;a-sailin' 'em out on the great ship of his magnificent C<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_671" id="Page_671">[Pg 671]</a></span>harity; and
+that Ship," sez I, in a kind of a tremblin' voice, "wuz wafted out at
+first on the sombre wings of a heart-breakin' sorrow; but they grew
+white," sez I&mdash;"they grew silver white as that great Ship sailed on and
+on.</p>
+
+<p>"And up through the cloudless blue overhead I believe an angel looks
+down smilin'ly and lovin'ly on what has been done, and what is a-doin'
+now&mdash;that youth whose tender heart, while he walked with man, wuz so
+tender and compassionate to the poor, and so wise to help 'em."</p>
+
+<p>The Governor showed plain in his good-lookin' face how deeply he felt
+what I said, and I hastened to add&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I wanted to thank him who is gone for this great and noble work; and as
+he has passed on beyend this world's praise, or blame, I want to tell
+you about it, seein' that you're at the head of the family.</p>
+
+<p>"I speak," sez I, "in the name of Jonesville!"</p>
+
+<p>"Whose name?" sez he.</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, "My own native land, Jonesville, nigh to Loontown, seven
+milds from Zoar."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh!" sez he.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," sez I, "Jonesville wuz proud of his doin's, and she thinks a
+sight of California.</p>
+
+<p>"But in one thing she feels bad: she don't want California to make so
+much wine; she wishes you'd stop it.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_672" id="Page_672">[Pg 672]</a></span></p>
+<p>"She's proud of your fruit, your flowers, your big trees, and other
+products, but she wishes you'd stop makin' so much wine. Jonesville
+wouldn't care if you made a couple of quarts for sickness or jell, but
+she feels as if she couldn't bear to see you swing out and make so
+much." Sez I, "Jonesville and I want you to stop makin' it&mdash;we want you
+to like dogs."</p>
+
+<p>And then sez I, in still firmer axents, "It hain't a-settin' a good
+example to the schoolchildren in Palo Alto and the United States."</p>
+
+<p>He looked real downcasted and sad, some as if he'd never thought on't in
+that light before.</p>
+
+<p>He didn't really promise me, but I presoom to say that he won't never
+make another drop.</p>
+
+<p>But his face looked dretful deprested. I see that he felt it deeply to
+think I had found fault with him.</p>
+
+<p>But to resoom. Sez I&mdash;for here my gardeen angel hunched me hard and told
+me that here wuz a chance to do good&mdash;mebby the Governor could carry out
+the wishes of him that wuz gone&mdash;sez I, "Another great thing that
+Jonesville and I approve of wuz Senator Stanford's bill about lendin'
+money." Sez I, "There never wuz a better bill brought before America,
+and if Uncle Sam don't pass it, he hain't the old man I think he is.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_673" id="Page_673">[Pg 673]</a></span></p><p>"For," sez I, "jest take the case of Jim Widrig alone; that would pay
+for the trouble of passin' it.</p>
+
+<p>"He has got a big farm of more'n two hundred acres, but the land is all
+run down&mdash;he can't raise nothin' on it hardly, it needs enrichin' so; he
+hain't no stock, and, as he often sez, 'If I should run in debt for 'em,
+we should soon be landed in the Poor-House.' He's got a wife and seven
+boys.</p>
+
+<p>"Wall, now if he could only borry 2000 dollars of Uncle Sam, and only
+pay forty dollars a year for it&mdash;why, they would be jest made.</p>
+
+<p>"They could put on twenty young cows on the place, two good horses, and
+go right on to success, for Jim is hard-workin', and Mahala Widrig is
+one of the best hard-workin' wimmen in the precincks of Jonesville, and
+I don't believe she has got a second dress to her back."</p>
+
+<p>The Governor murmured sunthin' about a engagement he had. He looked
+worried and anxious, but I and my Gardeen Angel hadn't no idee of
+lettin' him go while there wuz a chance for us to plead for the Right.</p>
+
+<p>And I hastened to say, "Uncle Sam needn't be 'fraid of lendin' money on
+that farm, for it is there solid, clear down to China; it can't run
+away."</p>
+
+<p>The Governor kinder moved off a little, as if meditatin' flight, and I
+spoke up some louder, bein' determined to d<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_674" id="Page_674">[Pg 674]</a></span>o all I could for Mahala
+Widrig&mdash;good, honest, hard-workin' creeter.</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "It will be the makin' of Jim Widrigses folks and more'n fifty
+others right there round Jonesville, to say nothin' about the hull of
+the United States; and it will be money in Uncle Sam's pocket, too, in
+the end, and he will own up to me that it is."</p>
+
+<p>The Governor here took out his watch and looked at it almost onbeknown
+to me, I wuz so took up a-talkin' for Justice and Mahala.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 296px;">
+<img src="images/illus685.png" width="296" height="500"
+alt="The Governor took out his watch." title="The Governor took out his watch." />
+<span class="caption">The Governor took out his watch.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Sez I, "This bill will bring money into Uncle Samuel's pocket in the
+end, for it will keep the boys to hum on the old farm." Sez I, "It is
+Poverty that has driv the boys off&mdash;hard work, high taxes, and ruinous
+mortgages drives to the city lots of 'em, to add to the pauper and
+criminal classes&mdash;boys that Uncle Sam might have kep to hum by the means
+I speak of, to grow up into sober, respectable, prosperous citizens, a
+strength and a safeguard to the Republic, but whom he now will have to
+support in prisons and almshouses, a danger and menace to the Goverment.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_675" id="Page_675">[Pg 675]</a></span></p>
+<p>"Poor Uncle Sam!&mdash;poor, well-meanin', but oft misguided old creeter! It
+would be easier for him, if he only knew it, to do what Mr. Stanford
+wanted him to.</p>
+
+<p>"Besides, think of the masses of fosterin' crime he would be a-pressin'
+back and a-turnin' into good, pure influences to bless the world! And
+besides, the oncounted gain to Heaven and earth! Uncle Sam would git the
+two-cent mortgages back a dozen times in the increase of taxable
+property."</p>
+
+<p>The Governor murmured agin that he wuz wanted to once, in a distant part
+of the city&mdash;he must start for California imegatly, and on the next
+train. Sez he incoherently, "That school wuz about to open; he must be
+to the University to once."</p>
+
+<p>He wuz nearly delirious&mdash;I spoze he wuz nearly overcome by my remarkable
+eloquence, but don't know.</p>
+
+<p>But as he sot off, a-movin' backward in a polite way but swift, entirely
+onbeknown to him he come up aginst a big tree, and with a hopeless look
+of resignation he leaned up aginst it, while I, a-feelin' that
+Providence had interfered to give me another chance at him, advanced
+onwards, and sez to him in a real eloquent way, "That bill will do more
+than any amount of beggin', or jawin', or preachin', towards keepin' the
+boys to hum <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_676" id="Page_676">[Pg 676]</a></span>on the old deserted farms that are so thick in the country;
+and," sez I, "now that bill has fell out of his hands, I want you to
+take it up and pass it on to success."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "Let Uncle Sam and you go out, as I have, in the country byroads
+in Jonesville, and Loontown, and Zoar, and you'll both gin in that I'm
+a-tellin' the truth."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "If it hain't a pitiful sight in one short mornin's ride to go by
+more'n a dozen of them poor deserted old homes, as I have many a time,
+and I spoze they lay jest as thick scattered all over the State and
+country as they do round Jonesville."</p>
+
+<p>Sez I, "To see them old brown ruffs a-humpin' themselves up jest as
+lonesome-lookin' and cold&mdash;no smoke a-comin' out of the chimblys to
+cheer 'em up&mdash;to see the bare winders a-facin' the west, and no bright
+eyes a-lookin' out, nor curly locks for the sunlight to git tangled
+in&mdash;to see the poor old door-step a-settin' there alone, as if a-tellin'
+over its troubles to the front gate, and that a-creakin' back to it on
+lonesome nights or cold, fair mornin's&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"And the old well-sweep a-pintin' up into the sky overhead, as if
+a-callin' Heaven to witness that it wuzn't to blame for the state of
+things&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"And the apple trees, with low swingin' branches, with no bare brown
+feet t<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_677" id="Page_677">[Pg 677]</a></span>o press on 'em on the way up to the robin's nest overhead&mdash;empty
+barns, ruins, weedy gardens, long, lonesome stretches of paster and
+medder lands&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Why, if Uncle Sam could look on sech sights, and have me right by him
+to tell him the reason on't&mdash;to tell him that two thousand dollars lent
+on easy interest would turn every one of them worthless, decayin' pieces
+of property into beautiful, flourishin', prosperous homes, he'd probable
+feel different about passin' the bill from what he duz now&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus688.png" width="500" height="416"
+alt="&quot;If Uncle Sam could have me right by him to tell him the reason.&quot;"
+title="&quot;If Uncle Sam could have me right by him to tell him the reason.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"If Uncle Sam could have me right by him to tell him the reason."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_678" id="Page_678">[Pg 678]</a></span></p><p>"When I told him that most generally out behind the barn, and under the
+apple trees and gambrul ruff, wuz crouchin' the monster that had sapped
+the life out of the hum&mdash;the bloated, misshapen form of a mortgage at
+six per cent, and that old, insatiable monster had devoured and drinked
+down every cent of the earnin's that the hull family could bring to
+appease it with&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"It would open its snappin' old jaws and swaller 'em all down, and then
+set down refreshed but unappeased to wait for the next earnin's to be
+brung him.</p>
+
+<p>"Wall, now, if they could pay off that mortgage, and git rid of it, they
+could walk over its prostrate form into prosperity; they could afford to
+lighten up the bare poverty of a country farm, so repellin' to the
+young, with some touches of brightness. Books, music, good horses,
+carriages would preach louder lessons of content to the children than
+any they would hear from their pa's or ma's or ministers.</p>
+
+<p>"They would love their hums&mdash;would make them yield, instead of ruin and
+depressin' influences, a good income to themselves, and good tax-payin'
+property to help Uncle Sam&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Decrease vice, increase virtue&mdash;lead away from prisons and almshousen,
+lead toward meetin'-housen, and the halls of ju<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_679" id="Page_679">[Pg 679]</a></span>stice, mebby. For in the
+highest places of trust and honor in the United States to-day is to be
+found the sons and daughters of country homes."</p>
+
+<p>Here, at jest this juncture, my umbrell fell out of my hand, and it
+brung my eyes down to earth agin; for some time, entirely onbeknown to
+me, I had been a-lookin' up into the encirclin' heavens, and a-soarin'
+round there in oratory.</p>
+
+<p>But as my eyes fell onto the Governor, I noticed the extreme weariness
+and mute agony on his liniment; he picked up my umbrell and handed it to
+me, and sez he, a-speakin' fast and agitated, as if in fear of sunthin'
+or ruther:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Your remarks are truly eloquent, and I believe every word on 'em; but,"
+sez he, "I have an engagement of nearly life and death; I must leave
+you," and he sot off nearly on a run.</p>
+
+<p>And I spread my umbrell and walked off with composure and dignity to
+tackle the next buildin', which wuz Oregon.</p>
+
+<p>But my pardner jined me at that minit with his handkerchief held
+triumphantly in his hand.</p>
+
+<p>And at his earnest request we didn't examine clost any of the State
+buildin's&mdash;that is, we didn't go in and look 'em over; but, from the
+outside view, we had a high opinion on 'em.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_680" id="Page_680">[Pg 680]</a></span></p>
+<p>They wuz beautiful and extremely gorgeous, some on 'em.</p>
+
+<p>And they looked real good, too, and wuz comfortable inside, I hain't a
+doubt on't.</p>
+
+<p>I felt bad not to pay attention to every State jest as they come, and I
+know that they'll feel it if they ever hear on't.</p>
+
+<p>But, as Josiah said, there wuz so many to pay attention to 'em, that
+they wouldn't mind so much as if they wuz more alone and lonely.</p>
+
+<p>Wall, Josiah felt as if he'd got to have a bite of sunthin' to eat, and
+so we sot off at a pretty good jog for the nearest restaurant, and there
+we got a good lunch, and after we had done eatin', and Josiah wuz in a
+real good frame of mind, to all human appearance, I sez, "I'm a-goin' to
+see Hatye, if I don't see nothin' else."</p>
+
+<p>And Josiah sez, "Where is Hatye?"</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, "Not but a little ways from the German Buildin'."</p>
+
+<p>And sez he, "Who is Hatye, anyway?"</p>
+
+<p>And I sez, "Hatye is one of the first islands that Columbus discovered,
+and it ort to take a front rank in his doin's, and for lots of other
+reasons, too," sez I. "It is there that we see the exhibit of our
+colored men and bretheren."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_681" id="Page_681">[Pg 681]</a></span></p><p>We found Hatye a good-lookin' buildin', a story and a half high, with a
+good-lookin' dome a-risin' out of the centre.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_682" id="Page_682">[Pg 682]</a></span></p><p>And inside on't we found exhibits in fruit, grain, and machinery, and
+all sorts of products, and in the picters and other works of art we see
+that the Hatyeans wuz a-doin' first rate.</p>
+
+<p>And, as I remarked to Josiah, sez I, "If Christopher Columbus stood
+right here by my side, he'd say&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"'Josiah Allen's wife, Hatye has done real well, and I am glad that I
+discovered it.'"</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 441px;">
+<img src="images/illus692.png" width="441" height="500"
+alt="&quot;Josiah Allen&#39;s wife, Hatye has done real well, and I am glad that I discovered it.&quot;"
+title="&quot;Josiah Allen&#39;s wife, Hatye has done real well, and I am glad that I discovered it.&quot;" />
+<span class="caption">"Josiah Allen's wife, Hatye has done real well, and I am glad that I discovered it."</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Wall, that night, when I got back to Miss Plankses, I found a letter
+from Tirzah Ann, and my worst apprehensions I had apprehended in her
+case wuz realized.</p>
+
+<p>She and Whitfield wuzn't a-comin' to the Fair at all.</p>
+
+<p>By the time she got her oyster-shell stockin's done, the weather had
+moderated, so it wuz too cool to wear 'em, and it was too late then to
+begin woosted ones (of course, she could buy stockin's, but she wuz sot
+on havin' hand-made ones, bein' so much nicer, and so much more liable
+to attract respect and admiration)&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>And then by that time the weather wuz so variable that she didn't know
+whether to take summer clothes or winter ones, and so she dallied along
+till it got so late that <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_683" id="Page_683">[Pg 683]</a></span>Whitfield didn't dast to take her out at all,
+she wuz so kinder mauger.</p>
+
+<p>She had wore herself all out a-bonin' down and knittin' them stockin's,
+and embroiderin' them night-shirts, and preparin' for the Fair, so they
+gin up comin'.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_684" id="Page_684">[Pg 684]</a></span></p>
+<p>I felt bad.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXI" id="CHAPTER_XXI"></a>CHAPTER XXI.</h2>
+
+
+<p>Wall, it wuz all settled as I wanted it to be. Them two angels, as I
+couldn't hardly keep callin' 'em, if one of 'em wuz a he angel&mdash;them two
+lovely good creeters wuz married right in the place where I wanted 'em
+to be married&mdash;right in our parlor, in front of the picter of Grant, and
+not fur back of the hangin' lamp, but fur enough back so's to allow of a
+lovely bell of white roses and lilies to swing over their heads.</p>
+
+<p>The bell wuz made of the white roses, and a fair white lily hung down,
+a-swingin' its noiseless music out into the hearts below&mdash;sacred music
+which we all seemed to hear in our inmost hearts as we looked into the
+faces that stood under that magic bell.</p>
+
+<p>Isabelle had on a white muslin gown, plain, but shear and fine, and she
+wore a bunch of white roses at her belt and at her white throat, and she
+carried in her hand a bunch of rare ones.</p>
+
+<p>But it all corresponded, for she wuz the white lily herself, as tall,
+and fair, and queenly.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_685" id="Page_685">[Pg 685]</a></span></p>
+<p>Only when the words wuz said that made her Tom's wife, her cheeks
+flushed up as no white lily ever did, even under the sun's rosiest rays.</p>
+
+<p>But a sun wuz a-shinin' on her that went beyend any earthly sun&mdash;it wuz
+the rays of the great planet Love that illuminated her face, and lit up
+her glorified eyes with the light that wuz never on sea nor on shore.</p>
+
+<p>Her husband looked right into her face all the while the Elder wuz
+a-unitin' 'em, a-lookin' at her as if he could not quite believe in his
+happiness yet&mdash;looked at her as one looks at a pearl of great price,
+when he has recovered it after a long loss.</p>
+
+<p>I sez to Josiah, as I see that look on his face&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Many waters may not quench it, Josiah Allen, nor floods drown it, can
+they?"</p>
+
+<p>And he brung me back to the present by remarkin'&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I wouldn't bring up drowndins and conflagrations at such a time as
+this, Samantha."</p>
+
+<p>And I sithed and sez to myself, what I have said so many times to she
+that wuz Samantha Smith, in strict confidence&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"How different, how different Josiah Allen and I look at things! And
+still we worship each other, jest about."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_686" id="Page_686">[Pg 686]</a></span></p><p>Wall, Thomas Jefferson and Maggie wuz there, and Tirzah Ann and
+Whitfield, and the children, and Krit. The two girls, our daughters,
+wuz dressed in white, and the Babe stood up by the bride dressed in
+white, and holdin' a cunnin' little basket of posies in her hand, and
+they all looked pretty, and felt pretty, and acted so.</p>
+
+<p>We had good refreshments to refresh ourselves with, and everything went
+off happy and joyous, as weddings should, and will, if True Love stands
+up with 'em; and she is the only Bridesmaid worth a cent.</p>
+
+<p>(I am aware that it is usual to call Love a he, but I believe in fair
+play, and you may as well call it a she once in a while, specially as
+the female sect are as lovin' agin as the he ones, so I think.)</p>
+
+<p>Wall, they had lots and lots of presents&mdash;nice ones too. Mr. Freeman's
+gift to her wuz two diamond and ruby bracelets, that shone on her white
+wrists like sparks of fire and dew.</p>
+
+<p>Them diamonds seemed to be the mates of the ones that had burned on her
+finger ever sence a day or two after they met at the World's Fair.</p>
+
+<p>So you see, though she gin her jewels away in her youth, she found 'em
+agin in her ripe, sweet womanhood. She gin away the jewels of her
+ambition, her glowin' hopes a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_687" id="Page_687">[Pg 687]</a></span>nd desires, for a career, and she found 'em
+more than all made up to her.</p>
+
+<p>But the jewels her husband prized most in her wuz the calm light of
+patience, and love, and womanliness that shone on her face. They wuz
+made, them pure pearls of hern, as pearls always are, by long sufferin'
+and endurance, and the "constant anguish of patience."</p>
+
+<p>Krit give her for his gift a beautiful cross of precious stones, and I
+mistrusted, from what I see in her face when he gin it to her, that he
+meant it to be symbolical, and then agin I don't know. But, anyway, she
+wore it a-fastenin' the lace at her white throat.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus698.png" width="500" height="409"
+alt="Krit give her a beautiful cross." title="Krit give her a beautiful cross." />
+<span class="caption">Krit give her a beautiful cross.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>But I do know that the girls and I gin her some good linen napkins, and
+towels, and table-cloths, and the boys a handsome set of books.</p>
+
+<p>And I do know that the supper afterwards wuz, although well I know the
+impoliteness of my even hintin' at it&mdash;I do know, and I should lie if I
+said that I didn't know it, that <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_688" id="Page_688">[Pg 688]</a></span>that supper wuz a good one&mdash;as good a
+one, so fur as my knowledge goes, as wuz ever put on a table in the
+town of Lyme, or the village of Jonesville.</p>
+
+<p>And Josiah Allen, he eat too much&mdash;fur, fur too much. And I hunched him
+three times to that effect at the time, to no avail.</p>
+
+<p>And once I stepped on his toe&mdash;a dretful warnin' steppin'&mdash;and he asked
+me out loud and snappish (I hit a corn, I spoze, onbeknown to me)&mdash;and
+he asked me right out before 'em all, voyalent, "What I wuz a-steppin'
+on his toe for?"</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus699.png" width="500" height="358"
+alt="I stepped on his toe." title="I stepped on his toe." />
+<span class="caption">I stepped on his toe.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>And so, of course, that curbed me in, and I had to let him go on, and
+cut a full swath in the vittles. But it wuz some comfort for me to think
+that most likely he wouldn't be tempted by a weddin' supper agin&mdash;not
+for some time, anyway. For the Babe wuz but young yet, and we wuz
+gettin' along.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, that hull weddin' went off perfectly beautiful, and there wuzn't
+but one drawback to my happiness on that golden day that united them two
+happy lovers.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, onbeknown to me a feelin' of sadness come over me&mdash;sadness and
+regret.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_689" id="Page_689">[Pg 689]</a></span></p><p>It wuzn't any worriment and concern about the fate of Isabelle and her
+husband&mdash;no; True Love wuz a-goin' out with 'em on their weddin'
+tower, and I knew if he went ahead of 'em, and they wuz a-walkin' in the
+light of his torch, their way wuz a-goin' to be a radiant and a
+satisfyin' one, whether it led up hill or down or over the deep
+waters&mdash;yea, even over the swellin' of Jordan.</p>
+
+<p>No, it wuzn't that, nor anything relatin' to the children, or my dress,
+or anything&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>No, my dress&mdash;a new lilock gray alpaca&mdash;sot out noble round my form, and
+my new head-dress wuz foamin' lookin', but it didn't foam too much.</p>
+
+<p>No, it wuzn't that, nor anything about the neighbors&mdash;no; they looked
+some envious at our noble doin's, and walked by the house considerable,
+and the wimmen made errents, and borrowed more tea and sugar, durin' the
+preparations, than it seemed as if they could use in two years; but I
+pitied 'em, and forgive 'em&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>And it wuzn't anything about the children or Krit.</p>
+
+<p>For the children wuz happy in their happy and prosperous hums, and Krit,
+they say&mdash;I don't tell it for certain&mdash;but they say that he come back
+engaged to a sweet young girl of Chicago&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_690" id="Page_690">[Pg 690]</a></span></p><p>Come back from the great New World of the World's Fair, as his
+illustrious namesake went home so long ago, in chains&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>Only Krit's chains wuz wrought of linked love and blessedness instead of
+iron&mdash;so they say.</p>
+
+<p>I've seen her picter; but good land! how can I tell who or what it is?
+It is pretty as a doll, and Krit seems to think his eyes on it; but he's
+so full of fun, I can't git any straight story out of him.</p>
+
+<p>But Thomas Jefferson says she is a bonny fidy girl&mdash;a good one and a
+pretty one, and has got a father dretful well off; and he sez that she
+and Krit are engaged. So I spoze more'n like as not they be.</p>
+
+<p>And I also learnt, through a letter received that very day, that Mr.
+Bolster has led Miss Plank to the altar, or she has led him&mdash;it don't
+make much difference. Anyway, she has walked offen the Plank of
+widowhood, and settled down onto a Bolster for life.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/illus702.png" width="500" height="370"
+alt="Mr. Bolster led Miss Plank to the altar."
+title="Mr. Bolster led Miss Plank to the altar." />
+<span class="caption">Mr. Bolster led Miss Plank to the altar.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>I wuz glad on't. She wanted a companion, and he loves to converse,
+Heaven knows; and he is sure of one thing&mdash;he's almost certain, or as
+certain as we can be of anything in this life, that he will have the
+best pancakes that hands can make or spoons stir up.</p>
+
+<p>I learnt also from her letter&mdash;Miss Bolster's, knee Plankses&mdash;that Nony
+Piddock wuz a-goin into the ministery. What a case for funerals he will
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_691" id="Page_691">[Pg 691]</a></span>be, and shockin' casualities! But he won't be good for much on a weddin'
+occasion.</p>
+
+<p>And speakin' of weddin's brings me back to my subject agin.</p>
+
+<p>No, it wuzn't any of these things that cast that mournful shadder on my
+eyebrows, anon, and even oftener, when I wuz out by myself&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>And I spoze that I might as well tell what it wuz that I regretted and
+missed&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>It wuz Christopher Columbus! the Brave Admiral! good, noble creeter!</p>
+
+<p>I felt, in view of all he had done for America and the world, it wuz too
+bad that he had to die without havin' the privilege of seein'
+Jonesville, and bein' with us that day, and seein' what we see, and
+hearin' what we heard, and eatin' what we eat&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>It wuz his doin's, the hull on't wuz Christopher Columbuses doin's. For
+if he hadn't discovered America, why, he wouldn't had no World's Fair
+for him. And then it stands to reason that Josiah and I shouldn't have
+gone to it. And if we hadn't gone to Miss Plankses, Mr. Freeman and
+Isabelle wouldn't have met.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_692" id="Page_692">[Pg 692]</a></span></p>
+<p>Yes, I felt to lay the praise of it all to that blessed old mariner&mdash;I
+felt that I hadn't done nothin' towards it to what he had. And I kep on
+a-sayin' to myself&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, if he could only have been here, and seen with his own eyes what he
+had done!"</p>
+
+<p>And when I thought how he walked hungry through the streets of Genoa,
+oh, how I did wish he could have had some of my scolloped oysters, and
+pressed chickens, and jell-cake, and tarts, and my heartfelt pity and
+sympathy, to say nothin' of other vittles, and well-meanin' actions
+accordin'.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 415px;">
+<img src="images/illus704.png" width="415" height="500"
+alt="How I did wish he could have had some of my scolloped oysters, and jell-cake, and tarts."
+title="How I did wish he could have had some of my scolloped oysters, and jell-cake, and tarts." />
+<span class="caption">How I did wish he could have had some of my scolloped oysters, and jell-cake, and tarts.</span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Of course, I would have been pleased to have had Queen Isabelle and
+Ferdinand there&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>There wuz cake enough, and ice-cream, and oysters, and everything. And
+everybody that knows me knows that I hain't one to begrech havin' one or
+two more visitors to wait on and provide for than I had planned havin'.</p>
+
+<p>Yes, I should have been glad to seen 'em, and wait on 'em. But I didn't
+seem to care anything about seein' 'em, compared to my feelin's about
+Christopher Columbus.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_693" id="Page_693">[Pg 693]</a></span></p>
+<p>Yes, Christopher wuz my theme, and my constant burden of mind.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_694" id="Page_694">[Pg 694]</a></span></p><p>But I had to gin it up. I couldn't expect a man to live four or five
+hundred years jest to please me, and gratify Jonesville.</p>
+
+<p>No, Columbus wuzn't there. He wuz off somewhere a-discoverin' new
+continents, or planets, mebby.</p>
+
+<p>For I don't believe he crumpled right down, and sot down forever on them
+golden streets.</p>
+
+<p>No; I believe the eager, active mind would be a-reachin' out, a-findin'
+out new truths, new discoveries, so great that it would probable make us
+shet our eyes before the blindin' glory of 'em, if we could only git a
+glimpse of 'em.</p>
+
+<p>But there, in that New World that lays beyend the sunset, he is happy at
+last&mdash;blest in the companionship of other true prophetic ones, whose
+deepest strivin's wuz, like his, to make the world better and
+wiser&mdash;them who longed for deeper, fuller understandin', and who walked
+the narrer streets of earth, like him, in chains and soul-hunger.</p>
+
+<p>I love to think that now, onhampered by mutinous foes, or mortal
+weakness, they are a-sailin' out on that broad sea of full knowledge,
+and comprehension, and divine sympathy. Lit by the sunshine of infinite
+love, they sail on, and on, and on.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_695" id="Page_695">[Pg 695]</a></span></p>
+<p>THE END.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>Other Works by Joshiah Allen's Wife.<br /><br /></h2>
+
+
+<h2>POEMS.</h2>
+
+<p>A Charming Volume of Poetry. Beautifully Illustrated by <span class="smcap">W. Hamilton
+Gibson</span> and other Artists. Bound in Colors. Square 12mo, 216 pp.
+Cloth, $2.00.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Will win for her a title to an honorable place among American
+poets."&mdash;<i>Chicago Standard.</i></p>
+
+<p>"Miss Holley has here more than sustained her previous high
+literary reputation."&mdash;<i>Interior, Chicago.</i></p><br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<h2>SAMANTHA AMONG THE BRETHREN.</h2>
+
+<p>By "<span class="smcap">Josiah Allen's Wife.</span>" Illustrated. Square 12mo, 452 pp.
+Cloth, $2.50.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"It is irresistibly humorous and true."&mdash;<i>Bishop John P.
+Newman.</i></p>
+
+<p>"It is as full of meat as an egg.... Calculated to do immense
+good in that department of woman's rights which relates to her
+participation in the great work of the Church of Christ, <i>beyond
+the scrubbing and papering of the meeting-house</i>."&mdash;<i>Ex-Judge
+Noah Davis.</i></p>
+
+<p>"It abounds in mingled humor, pathos and inexorable common
+sense."&mdash;<i>Will Carleton.</i></p>
+
+<p>"It is exceedingly entertaining."&mdash;<i>New York Observer.</i></p><br /><br /></div>
+
+
+<h2>SWEET CICELY;</h2>
+
+<p>Or, Josiah Allen as a Politician. A Fascinating Story. Square 12mo, 390
+pp. Cloth, $2.00.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"The interest of the book is intense.... Never was such a
+defender of woman's rights, never was such an exponent of
+woman's wrongs! In Samantha's pithy, pointed, scornful
+utterances we have in very truth the expression of feelings
+common to most thoughtful women, well understood among them, but
+rarely finding voice except in confidential intercourses and for
+sympathetic ears. Other women besides poor Cicely, and
+warm-hearted, clear-headed Samantha, and 'humble' Dorlesky eat
+their hearts out over the injustice of laws that they have no
+hand in making, and can have no hand in altering, though ruin
+and agony are their result.... It would be impossible to find in
+literature anything more pitiful than this story of the struggle
+of a gentle-natured woman against the dangers which surround her
+child, and her agony as she realizes her helplessness to avert
+evil from her fellow-sufferers. If it were not for the strong
+vein of humor which lightens up the darkest passages, the
+interest would be too painful. But Samantha intervenes with her
+quaint epigrams and keen-witted analysis, and lo, a smile
+broadens before the tear has dried!... Alongside of the fun are
+genuine eloquence and profound pathos; we scarcely know which is
+the more delightful."&mdash;<i>The Literary World, London, Eng.</i></p><br /></div>
+
+
+<h3>FUNK &amp; WAGNALLS COMPANY</h3>
+<h4>PUBLISHERS</h4>
+<h4>LONDON&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;NEW YORK&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;TORONTO</h4>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's Samantha at the World's Fair, by Marietta Holley
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+Project Gutenberg's Samantha at the World's Fair, by Marietta Holley
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Samantha at the World's Fair
+
+Author: Marietta Holley
+
+Illustrator: Baron C. De Grimm
+
+Release Date: April 1, 2006 [EBook #18091]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SAMANTHA AT THE WORLD'S FAIR ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Suzanne Lybarger, Paul Ereaut and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: The minute we passed the gate we wuz overwhelmed
+with the onspeakable aspect of the buildin's.--_See page_ 226.]
+
+
+
+
+SAMANTHA
+
+AT THE WORLD'S FAIR
+
+
+BY
+
+JOSIAH ALLEN'S WIFE
+
+(MARIETTA HOLLEY)
+
+
+_ILLUSTRATED_
+BY
+BARON C. DE GRIMM
+
+
+_PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES_
+
+=New-York=
+FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY
+London and Toronto
+1893
+
+Copyright, 1893, by the
+FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY.
+
+[Registered at Stationer's Hall, London, England.]
+
+TO
+
+=Columbia--=
+
+WHO HAS JEST SAILED OUT AND DISCOVERED
+WOMAN. AND TO THE SECT DISCOVERED--
+
+_THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED_.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+PREFACE.
+
+It wuz a beautiful evenin' in Jonesville, and the World. The Earth wuz
+a-settin' peaceful and serene under the glowin' light of a full moon and
+some stars, and I sot jest as peaceful and calm under the meller light
+of our hangin' lamp and the blue radiance of my companion's two orbs.
+
+Two arm-chairs covered with handsome buff copper-plate wuz drawed up on
+each side of the round table, that had a cheerful spread on't, and a
+basket of meller apples and pears.
+
+Dick Swiveller, our big striped pussy-cat (Thomas J. named him), lay
+stretched out in luxurious ease on his cushion, a-watchin' with
+dignified indulgence the gambollin' of our little pup dog. He is young
+yet, and Dick looked lenient on the innocent caperin's of youth.
+
+Dick is very wise.
+
+The firelight sparkled on the clean hearth, the lamplight gleamed down
+onto my needles as I sot peaceful a-seamin' two and two, and the same
+radiance rested lovin'ly on the shinin' bald head of my pardner as he
+sot a-readin' his favorite production, the _World_.
+
+All wuz relapsted into silence, all wuz peace, till all to once my
+pardner dropped his paper, and sez he--
+
+"Samantha, why not write a book on't?"
+
+It started me, comin' so onexpected onto me, and specially sence he wuz
+always so sot aginst my swingin' out in Literatoor.
+
+I dropped two or three stitches in my inward agitation, but
+instinctively I catched holt of my dignity, and kep calm on the outside.
+
+And sez I, "Write a book on what, Josiah Allen?"
+
+"Oh, about the World's Fair!" sez he.
+
+"Wall," sez I, with a deep sithe, "I had thought on't, but I'd kinder
+dreaded the job."
+
+And he went on: "You know," sez he, "that We wrote one about the other
+big Fair, and if We don't do as well by this one it'll make trouble,"
+sez he.
+
+"We!" sez I in my own mind, and in witherin' axents, but I kep calm on
+the outside, and he went on--
+
+"Our book," sez he, "that We wrote on the other big Fair in Filadelfy, I
+spoze wuz thought as much on and wuz as popular for family readin' as
+ever a President's message wuz; and after payin' attention to that as
+We did, We hadn't ort to slight this one. We can't afford to," sez he.
+
+"Can't afford to?" sez I dreamily.
+
+"No; We can't afford to," sez he, "and keep Our present popularity. Now,
+there's every chance, so fur as I can see, for me to be elected
+Path-Master, and the high position of Salesman of the Jonesville Cheese
+Factory has been as good as offered to me agin this year. It is because
+We are popular," sez he, "that I have these positions of trust and honor
+held out to me. We have wrote books that have _took_, Samantha. Now,
+what would be the result if We should slight Columbus and turn Our backs
+onto America in this crisis of her history? It would be simply ruinous
+to Our reputation and my official aspirations. Everybody would be mad,
+and kick, from the President down. More'n as likely as not I should
+never hold another office in Jonesville. Cheese would be sold right over
+my head by I know not who. I should be ordered out to work on the road
+like a dog by Ury jest as like as not. I've been a-settin' here and
+turnin' it over in my mind; and though, as you say, I hain't always
+favored the idee of writin', still at the present time I believe We'd
+better write the book. There's ink in the house, hain't there?" sez he
+anxiously.
+
+"Yes," sez I.
+
+"And paper?" sez he.
+
+Agin I sez, "Yes."
+
+"Wall, then, when there's ink and paper, what's to hender Our writin'
+it?"
+
+"Our!" "We!" Agin them words entered my soul like lead arrows and
+gaulded me, but agin I looked up, and the clear light of affection that
+shone from my pardner's eyes melted them arrows, and I suffered and wuz
+calm. But anon I sez--
+
+"Don't great emotions rise up in your soul, Josiah Allen, when you think
+of Columbus and the World's work? Don't the mighty waves of the past and
+the future dash up aginst your heart when you think of Christopher, and
+what he found, and what is behind this nation, and what is in front of
+it, a-bagonin' it onwards?"
+
+"No," sez he calmly; "I look at it with the eye of a business man, and
+with that eye," sez he, "I say less write the book."
+
+He ceased his remarks, and agin silence rained in the room.
+
+But to me the silence wuz filled with voices that he couldn't
+hear--deep, prophetic voices that shook my soul. Eyes whose light the
+dust fell on four hundred years ago shone agin on me in that quiet room
+in Jonesville, and hanted me. Heroic hands that wuz clay centuries ago
+bagoned to me to foller 'em where they led me. And so on down through
+the centuries the viewless hosts passed before me and gin me the silent
+countersign to let me pass into their ranks and jine the army. And then,
+away out into the future, the Shadow Host defiled--fur off, fur
+off--into the age of Freedom, and Justice, and Perfect rights for man
+and woman, Love, Joy, Peace.
+
+Josiah didn't see none of these performances.
+
+No; two pardners may set side by side, and yet worlds lay between 'em.
+He wuz agin immersed in his ambitious reveries.
+
+I didn't tell him the heft or the size of my emotions as I mentally
+tackled the job he proposed to me--there wuzn't no use on't. I only sez,
+as I looked up at him over my specs--
+
+"Josiah, We will write the book."
+
+
+
+
+SAMANTHA AT THE WORLD'S FAIR.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+
+[Illustration: Drop Capital]
+
+Christopher Columbus has always been a object of extreme interest and
+admiration to me ever sence I first read about him in my old Olney's
+Gography, up to the time when I hearn he wuz a-goin' to be celebrated in
+Chicago.
+
+I always looked up to Christopher, I always admired him, and in a modest
+and meetin'-house sense, I will say boldly and with no fear of Josiah
+before my eyes that I loved him.
+
+Havin' such feelin's for Christopher Columbus, as I had, and havin' such
+feelin's for New Discoverers, do you spoze I wuz a-goin' to have a
+celebration gin for him, and also for us as bein' discovered by him,
+without attendin' to it?
+
+No, indeed! I made calculations ahead from the very first minute it wuz
+spoke on, to attend to it.
+
+And feelin' as I did--all wrought up on the subject of Christopher
+Columbus--it wuz a coincerdence singular enough to skair anybody almost
+to death--to think that right on the very day Christopher discovered
+America, and us (only 400 years later), and on the very day that I
+commenced the fine shirt that Josiah wuz a-goin' to wear to Chicago to
+celebrate him in--
+
+That very Friday, if you'll believe me, Christopher Columbus walked
+right into our kitchen at Jonesville--and discovered me.
+
+[Illustration: If you'll believe me, Christopher Columbus Allen
+walked right into our kitchen--and discovered me.]
+
+Yes, Christopher Columbus Allen, a relative I never had seen, come to
+Jonesville and our house on his way to the World's Fair.
+
+Jest to think on't--Christopher Columbus Allen, who had passed his hull
+life up in Maine, and then descended down onto us at such a time as
+this, when all the relations in Jonesville wuz jest riz up about the
+doin's of that great namesake of hisen--And the gussets wuz even then
+a-bein' cut out and sewed on to the shirt that wuz a-goin' to encompass
+Josiah Allen about as he went to Chicago to celebrate him--
+
+That then, on that Friday, P.M., about the time of day that
+the Injuns wuz a-kneelin' to the first Christopher, to think that Josiah
+Allen should walk in the new Columbus into our kitchen--why, I don't
+spoze a more singular and coincidin' circumstance ever happened before
+durin' the hull course of time.
+
+The only incident that mellered it down any and made it a little less
+miracalous wuz the fact that he never had been called by his full name.
+
+He always has been, is now, and I spoze always will be called Krit--Krit
+Allen.
+
+But still it wuz--in spite of this mellerin' and amelioratin'
+circumstance--strikin' and skairful enough to fill me with or.
+
+He wuz a double and twisted relation, as you may say, bein' related to
+us on both our own sides, Josiah's and mine.
+
+But I had never sot eyes on him till that day, though I well remember
+visitin' his parents, who lived then in the outskirts of Loontown--good
+respectable Methodist Epospical people--and runners of a cheese factory
+at that time.
+
+Tryphenia Smith, relation on my side, married to Ezra Allen, relation on
+Josiah's side.
+
+I remember that I went there on a visit with my mother at a very early
+period of my existence. I hadn't existed at that time more'n nine years,
+if I had that. We staid there on a stiddy stretch for a week; that wuz
+jest before they moved up to Maine.
+
+Uncle Ezra had a splendid chance offered him there, and he fell in with
+it.
+
+She wuz a dretful good creeter, Aunt Tryphenia wuz, and greatly beloved
+by the relations on his side, as well as hern.
+
+Though, as is nateral with relations, she had to be run by 'em more or
+less, and found fault with. Some thought her nose wuz too long. Some on
+'em thought she wuz too religious, and some on 'em thought she wuzn't
+religious enough. Some on 'em thought she wuzn't sot enough on the
+creeds, and some thought she wuz too rigid.
+
+But, howsumever, pretty nigh all the Allens and Smiths jest doted on
+her.
+
+There wuz one incident that jest impressed itself on my memory in
+connection with that visit, and I don't spoze I shall ever forgit it; it
+stands to reason that I should before now, if I ever wuz a-goin' to.
+
+It took place at family prayers, which they held regular at Uncle
+Ezra's.
+
+It wuz right in the hite of sugarin'. They had more'n two hundred maple
+trees, and they had tapped 'em all, and they had run free, and they had
+to sugar off every day, and sometimes twice a day.
+
+That mornin' they had a big kettle of maple syrup over the stove, and
+Uncle Ezra and Aunt Tryphenia and mother wuz all a-kneelin' down pretty
+nigh to the stove. It wuz a cold mornin', and I wuz a-settin' with my
+little legs a-hangin' off the chair a-watchin' things, not at that age
+bein' particular interested in religion.
+
+Uncle Ezra made a long prayer, a tegus one, it seemed to me; it wuz so
+long that the kettle of sugar had het up fearful, and I see with deep
+anxiety that it wuz a-mountin' up most to the top of the kettle.
+
+Of course I dassent move to open the stove door, or stir it down, or
+anything--no, I dassent make a move of any kind or a mite of noise in
+prayer time. So I sot demute, but in deep anxiety, a-watchin' it sizzle
+up higher and higher and then down agin, as is the way of syrup, but
+each time a sizzlin' up a little higher.
+
+Wall, finally Uncle Ezra got through with his prayer, and dear good Aunt
+Tryphenia begun hern. She spoke dretful kinder moderate, but religious
+and good as anything could be.
+
+I well remember what it wuz she wuz sayin'--
+
+"O Lord, let us be tried as by fire and not be moved"--I remember she
+said moved instead of moved, which wuz impressive to me, never havin'
+hearn it pronounced that way before.
+
+And jest as she said this over went the sugar onto the stove, and Aunt
+Tryphenia and Uncle Ezra jest jumped right up and went and lifted the
+kettle offen the stove.
+
+I remember well how kinder bewildered and curious mother looked when she
+opened her eyes and see that the prayer wuz broke right short off. Aunt
+Tryphenia looked meachin', and Uncle Ezra put his hat right on and went
+out to the barn.
+
+It wuz dretful embarrissin' to him and Aunt Tryphenia. But then I don't
+know as they could have helped it.
+
+I remember hearin' Father and Mother arguin' about it. Father thought
+she done right, but Mother wuz kinder of the opinion that she ort to
+have run the prayer right on and let the sugar spile if necessary.
+
+But I remember Father's arguin' that he didn't believe her prayer would
+have been very lucid or fervent, with all that batch of sugar a-sizzlin'
+and a-burnin' right by the side of her.
+
+I remember that he said that a prayer wouldn't be apt to ascend much
+higher than where one's hopes and thoughts wuz, and he didn't believe it
+would go up much higher than that kettle. (The stove wuz the common
+height, not over four feet.)
+
+But Mother held to her own opinion, and so did a good many of the
+relations, mostly females. It wuz talked over quite a good deal amongst
+the Smiths. The wimmen all blamed Tryphenia more or less. The men mostly
+approved of savin' the sugar.
+
+But good land! how I am eppisodin', and to resoom and go on.
+
+As I say, it wuz jest after this that Uncle Ezra's folks moved up to
+Maine, Christopher Columbus bein' still onborn for years and years.
+
+But bein' born in due time, or ruther as I may say out of due time, for
+Uncle Ezra and Aunt Tryphenia had been married over twenty years before
+they had a child, and then they branched out and had two, and then
+stopped--
+
+But bein' born at last and growin' up to be a good-lookin' young man and
+well-to-do in the world, he come out to Jonesville on business and also
+to foller up the ties of relationship that wuz stretched out acrost hill
+and dale clear from Maine to Jonesville.
+
+Strange ties, hain't they? that are so little that they are invisible to
+the naked eye, or spectacles, or the keenest microscope, and yet are so
+strong and lastin' that the strongest sledge-hammer can't break 'em or
+even make a dent into 'em.
+
+And old Time himself, that crumbles stun work and mountains, can't seem
+to make any impression on 'em. Curious, hain't it?
+
+But to leave moralizin' and to resoom, it was on Friday, P.M.,
+that he arrove at our home.
+
+I see a good-lookin' young chap a-comin' up the path from the front gate
+with my Josiah, and I hastily but firmly turned my apron the other side
+out--I had been windin' some blue yarn that day for some socks for my
+Josiah, and had colored it a little--it wuz a white apron--and then I
+waited middlin' serene till he come in with him.
+
+And lo! and behold! Josiah introduced him as Christopher Columbus Allen,
+my own cousin on my own side, and also on hisen.
+
+He wuz a very good-lookin' chap, some older than Thomas Jefferson, and I
+do declare if he didn't look some like him, which wouldn't be nothin'
+aginst the law, or aginst reason, bein' that they wuz related to each
+other.
+
+I wuz glad enough to see him, and I inquired after the relations with
+considerable interest, and some affection (not such an awful sight,
+never havin' seen 'em much, but a little, jest about enough).
+
+And then I learnt with some sadness that his father and mother had
+passed away not long before that, and that his sister Isabelle wuz not
+over well.
+
+And there wuz another coincerdence that struck aginst me almost hard
+enough to knock me down.
+
+Isabelle! jest think on't, when my mind wuz on a perfect strain about
+Isabelle Casteel.
+
+Columbus and Isabelle!--the idee!
+
+Why, my reason almost tottered on its throne under my recent best
+head-dress, when I hearn him speak the name. Christopher Columbus a
+tellin' me about Isabelle--
+
+I declare I wuz that wrought up that I expected every minute to hear him
+tell me somethin' about Ferdinand; but I do believe that I should have
+broke down under that.
+
+But it wuz all explained out to me afterwards by another relation that
+come onto us onexpected shortly afterwards.
+
+It seemed that Uncle Ezra and Aunt Tryphenia, after they went to Maine,
+moved into a sort of a new place, where it wuz dretful lonesome.
+
+They lost every book they had, owin' to a axident on their journey,
+and the only book their nighest neighbor had wuz the life of Queen
+Isabelle.
+
+[Illustration: They lost every book they had, owin' to a axident on
+their journey.]
+
+And so Aunt Tryphenia for years wuz, as you may say, jest saturated with
+that book. And she named her two children, born durin' that time of
+saturation, Christopher Columbus and Isabelle. And I presoom if she had
+had another, she would have named it King Ferdinand. Though I hain't
+sure of this--you can't be postive certain of any such thing as this.
+Besides it might have been born a girl onbeknown to her.
+
+But I know that she never washed them children with anything but Casteel
+soap, and she talked sights and sights about Spain and things.
+
+So I hearn from Uncle Jered Smith, who visited them while he wuz up on a
+tower through Maine, a-sellin' balsam of pine for the lungs.
+
+Wall, Isabelle had a sort of a runnin' down, so Krit said. He begged us
+to call him that--said that all his mates at school called him so. He
+had been educated quite high. Had been to deestrick school sights, and
+then to a 'Cademy and College. He had kinder worked his way up, so I
+found out, and so had Isabelle.
+
+She had graduated from a Young Woman's College, taught school to earn
+her money, and then went to school as long as that would last, and then
+would set out and teach agin, and then go agin and then taught, and then
+went.
+
+She wuz younger than Christopher, but he owned up to me that it wuz her
+example that had rousted him up to exert himself.
+
+She wuz awful ambitious, Isabelle wuz. She wuz smart as she could be,
+and had a feelin' that she wanted to be sunthin' in the World.
+
+But then the old folks wuz took down sick and helpless, and one of the
+children had to stay to home. And Isabelle staid, and sent Krit out into
+the World.
+
+She sold her jewels of Ambition and Happiness, and gin him the avails of
+them.
+
+She staid to home with the old folks--kinder peevish and fretful, Krit
+said they wuz, too--and let him go a-sailin' out on the broad ocean of
+life; she had trimmed her own sails in such hope, but had to curb 'em in
+now and lower the topmast.
+
+You have to reef your sails considerable when you are a-sailin' round in
+a small bedroom between two beds of sickness (asthma and inflammatory
+rheumatiz). You have to haul 'em in, and take down the flyin' pennen of
+Hope and Asperation, and mount up the lamp of Duty and Meekness for a
+figger-head, instead of the glowin' face of Proud Endeavor.
+
+[Illustration: Isabelle staid, and sent Krit out into the
+World.]
+
+But them lamps give a dretful meller, soft light, when they are well
+mounted up, and firm sot.
+
+The light on 'em hain't to be compared to any other light on sea or on
+shore. It wrops 'em round so serene and glowin' that walks in it. It
+rests on their mild forwards in a sort of a halo that shines off on the
+hard things of this life and makes 'em endurable, takes the edge kinder
+off of the hardest, keenest sufferin's, and goes before 'em throwin' a
+light over the deep waters that must be passed, and sort o' melts in and
+loses itself in the ineffible radiance that streams out from acrost the
+other side.
+
+It is a curious light and a beautiful one. Isabelle jest journeyed in
+its full radiance.
+
+Wall, Isabelle would do what she sot out to do, you could see that by
+her face. Krit had brought her photograph with him--he thought his eyes
+of her--and I liked her looks first rate.
+
+It wuz a beautiful face, with more than beauty in it too. It wuz
+inteligent and serene, with the serenity of the sweet soul within. And
+it had a look deep down in the eyes, a sort of a shadow that is got by
+passin' through the Valley of Sorrow.
+
+I hearn afterwards what that look meant.
+
+Isabelle had been engaged to a smart, well-meanin' chap, Tom Freeman by
+name, not over and above rich, and one that had his own duties to attend
+to. Two helpless aged ones, and two little nieces to took care on, and
+nobody but himself to earn the money to do it with.
+
+The little nieces' Pa had gone to California after his wife's death--and
+hadn't been hearn from sence. The little children had been left with
+their grandparents and Uncle Tom to stay till their Pa got back. And as
+he didn't git back, of course they kept on a-stayin', and had to be took
+care on. They wuz bright little creeters, and the very apples of their
+eyes. But they cost money, and they cost love, and Tom had to give it,
+for they lost what little property they had about this time--and the
+feeble Grandma couldn't do much, and the Grandpa died not long after the
+eppisode I am about to relate.
+
+So it all devolved onto Tom. And Tom riz up to his duties nobly, though
+it wuz with a sad heart, as wuz spozed, for Isabelle, when she see what
+had come onto him to do, wouldn't hold him to his engagement--she
+insisted on his bein' free.
+
+I spoze she thought she wouldn't burden him with two more helpless ones,
+and then mebby she thought the two spans wouldn't mate very well. And
+most probable they would have been a pretty cross match. (I mean, that
+is, a sort of a melancholy, down-sperited yoke, and if anybody laughs at
+it, I would wish 'em to laugh in a sort of a mournful way.)
+
+Wall, Tom Freeman, after Isabelle sot him free, bein' partly mad and
+partly heart-broken, as is the way of men who are deep in love, and want
+their way, but anyway wantin' to keep out of the sight of the one who,
+if he couldn't have her for his own, he wanted to forgit--he packed up
+bag and baggage and went West.
+
+Isabelle wouldn't correspond with him, so she told him in that last
+hour--still and calm on the outside, and her heart a-bleedin' on the
+inside, I dare presoom to say; no, she wanted him to feel free.
+
+What creeters, what creeters wimmen be for makin' martyrs of themselves,
+and burnt sacrifices--sometimes I most think they enjoy it, and then
+agin I don't know!
+
+But Isabelle acted from a sense of duty, for she jest worshipped the
+ground Tom Freeman walked on, so everybody knew, and so she bid adieu to
+Tom and Happiness, and lived on.
+
+Wall, one of 'em must stay at home with the old folks, either she or
+Christopher Columbus. And when a man and a woman love each other as
+Isabelle and Krit did, when wuz it ever the case but what if there wuz
+any sacrificin' to do the woman wuz the one to do it.
+
+It is her nater, and I don't know but a real true woman takes as much
+comfort in bein' sort o' onhappy for the sake of some one she loves, as
+she would in swingin' right out and a-enjoyin' herself first rate.
+
+A woman who really loves anything has the makin' of a first-class martyr
+in her. And though she may not be ever tied to a stake, and gridirons be
+fur removed from her, still she has a sort of a silent hankerin' or
+aptitude for martrydom. That is, she would fur ruther be onhappy herself
+than to have the beloved object wretched. And if either of 'em has got
+to face trouble and privation, why she is the one that stands ready to
+face 'em.
+
+So Isabelle sent Krit off into the great world to conquer it if
+possible.
+
+And Krit, as the nater of man is, felt that he would ruther branch and
+work his way along through the World, and work hard and venter and dare
+and try to conquer fortune, than to set round and endure and suffer and
+be calm.
+
+Men are not, although they are likely creeters and I wish 'em well, yet
+truth compels me to say that they are not very much gin to follerin'
+this text, "To suffer and be calm."
+
+No, they had ruther rampage round and kill the lions in the way than to
+camp down in front of 'em and try to subdue 'em with kindness and long
+sufferin'.
+
+Krit, as the nateral nater of man is, felt that he could and would earn
+a good place in the World, win it with hard work, and then lift Isabelle
+up onto the high platform by the side of him.
+
+Though whether he had made any plans as how he wuz a-goin' to hist up
+the two feeble old invalids, that I can't state, not knowin'.
+
+But Isabelle, he did lay out to do well by her, thinkin' as he did such
+a amazin' lot of her, and knowin' how she gin up her own ambitious hopes
+for his sake, and knowin' well, though he didn't really feel free to
+interfere, how she had signed the death-warrant to her own happiness
+when she parted with Tom Freeman. But so it wuz.
+
+Wall, Krit wouldn't have to lift up the old folks onto any worldly hite,
+for the Lord took 'em up into His own habitation, higher I spoze than
+any earthly mount. About six months before Krit come to Jonesville, they
+both passed away most at the same time, and wuz buried in one grave.
+
+Wall, we all on us in Jonesville thought a sight of Krit before he had
+been with us a week. He had come partly to see a man in Jonesville on
+particular business, and partly to see us. He wuz a civil engineer, jest
+as civil and polite a one as I ever laid eyes on, and wuz a-doin' well,
+but Thomas Jefferson thought he could help him to a still better place
+and position.
+
+Thomas J. is very popular in Jonesville. He is doin' a big business all
+over the county, and is very influential.
+
+Wall, Krit's business bid fair to keep him for some time in Jonesville
+and the vicinity, and as he see that Josiah Allen and I wuz a-makin'
+preperations to go to the World's Fair--and bein' warmly pursuaded by us
+to that effect, he concluded to stay and accompany us thither. The idee
+wuz very agreeable to us.
+
+He said his sister Isabelle, after she wuz a little recooperated from
+her grief for the old folks, and recovered a little from the sickness
+that she had after they left her, she too laid out to come on to
+Chicago, and spend a few weeks.
+
+He wuz a-layin' out to reconoiter round and find a good place for her to
+board and take good care on her. He thought enough on her--yes, indeed.
+
+But, as he said, she wuz jest struck right down seemin'ly with her grief
+at the loss of them two old folks.
+
+You see, if your head has been a-restin' for some time on a piller, even
+if it is a piller of stun, when it is drawed out sudden from under you,
+your head jars down on the ground dretful heavy and hard.
+
+And when you've been carryin' a burden for a long time, when it is took
+sudden from you you have a giddy feelin', you feel light and faint and
+wobblin'.
+
+And then she loved 'em--she loved her poor old charges with a daughter's
+love and with all the love a mother gives to a helpless baby, with the
+pity added that gray hairs and toothless gums must amount to added up
+over the sum of dimples and ivory and coral that makes up a baby's
+beautiful helplessness.
+
+And they wuz took from her dretful sudden. There wuz a sort of a
+influenza prevailin' up round their way, and lots of strong healthy
+folks suckumbed to it, and it struck onto these poor old feeble ones
+some like simiters, and mowed 'em right down.
+
+The old lady wuz took down first, and her great anxiety wuz--"That Pa
+shouldn't know that she wuz so sick."
+
+But before she died, "Pa" in another room wuz took with it, and passed
+away a day before she did.
+
+She worried all that mornin' about "Pa," and--"How bad he would feel if
+he knew she wuz so sick!" But along late in the afternoon, when the
+Winter sun wuz makin' a pale reflection on the wall through the south
+winder, she looked up, and sez she--
+
+"Why, there stands Pa right by my bed, and he wants me to git up and go
+with him. And, Isabelle, I must go."
+
+And she did.
+
+[Illustration: "Why, there stands Pa, and he wants me to git up and
+go with him."]
+
+
+And Isabelle wuz left alone.
+
+They wuz buried in one grave. And the funeral sermon, they say, wuz
+enough to melt a stun, if there had been any stuns round where they
+could hear it.
+
+Isabelle didn't hear it (don't git the idee that I am a-wantin' to
+compare her to a stun; no, fur from it). She wuz a-layin' to home on a
+bed, with her sad eyes bent on nothin'ess and emptiness and utter
+desolation, so it seemed to her.
+
+But after a time she begun to pick up a little, judgin' from her letters
+to her brother Krit. He had to leave her jest after the funeral on
+account of his business; for, civil as it wuz, it had to be tended to.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+
+Wall, we all enjoyed havin' Christopher there the best that ever wuz.
+For he wuz very agreeable, as well as oncommon smart, which two
+qualities don't always go together, as has often been observed by
+others, and I have seen for myself.
+
+Wall, it wuzn't more than a week or so after Krit arrived and got there,
+that another relation made his appearance in Jonesville.
+
+It wuz of 'em on his side this time--not like Krit, half hisen and half
+mine, but clear hisen. Clear Allen, with no Smith at all in the
+admixture.
+
+Proud enough wuz my pardner of him, and of himself too for bein' born
+his cousin. (Though that wuz onbeknown to him at the time, and he ort
+not to have gloried in it.)
+
+But tickled wuz he when word come that Elnathan Allen, Esquire, of Menlo
+Park, California, wuz a-comin' to Jonesville to visit his old friends.
+
+[Illustration: Tickled wuz he when word come.]
+
+That man had begun life poor--poor as a snipe; sometimes I used to
+handle that very word "Snipe" a-describin' Elnathan Allen's former
+circumstances to Josiah, when he got too overbearin' about him.
+
+For he had boasted to me about him for years, and years, and a woman
+can't stand only jest about so much aggravatin' and treadin' on before
+she will turn like a worm.
+
+That is Bible about "The Worm," and must be believed.
+
+What used to mad me the worst wuz when he would git to comparin'
+Elnathan with one of 'em on my side who wuz shiftless. Good land!
+'Zekiel Smith hain't the only man on earth who is ornary and no account.
+Every pardner has 'em, more or less, on his side and on hern; let not
+one pardner boast themselves over the other one; both have their
+drawbacks.
+
+But Elnathan had done well; I admitted it only when I wuz too much put
+upon.
+
+He had gone fur West, got rich, invested his capital first rate, some
+on it in a big Eastern city, and had got to be a millionare.
+
+He wuz a widower with one child, The Little Maid, as he called her; he
+jest idolized her, and thought she wuz perfect.
+
+And I spoze she wuz oncommon, not from what her Pa said--no, I didn't
+take all his talk about her for Gospel; I know too much.
+
+But Barzelia Ann Allen (a old maid up to date) had seen her, had been
+out to California on a excursion train, and had staid some time with
+'em.
+
+And she said that she wuz the smartest child this side of Heaven. With
+eyes of violet blue, big luminous eyes, that draw the hearts and souls
+of folks right out of their bodies when they looked into 'em, so full of
+radiant joy and heavenly sweetness wuz they.
+
+And hair of waving gold, and lips and cheeks as pink as the hearts of
+the roses that climbed all Winter round her winder--and the sweetest,
+daintiest ways--and so good to everybody, them that wuz poor and
+sufferin' most of all.
+
+Barzeel wuz always most too enthusiastick to suit me, but I got the idee
+from what she said that she wuz a oncommon lovely child.
+
+Good land! Elnathan couldn't talk about anything else--like little
+babblin' brooks runnin' towards the sea, all his talk, every anecdote he
+told, and every idee he sot forth, jest led up to and ended with that
+child. Jest like creeks.
+
+He worshipped her.
+
+And he himself told me so many stories about her bein' so good to the
+poor, and sacrificin' her little comforts for 'em--at her age, too--that
+I thought to myself, I wonder why you don't take some of them object
+lessons to heart--why you don't set down at her feet, and learn of
+her--and I wonder too where she took her sweet charity from, but spoze
+it wuz from her mother. Her mother had been a beautiful woman, so I had
+been told. She wuz a Devereaux--nobody that I ever knew, or Josiah.
+Celeste Devereaux.
+
+The little girl wuz named for her mother. But they always called her The
+Little Maid.
+
+Wall, to resoom, and to hitch my horse in front of the wagon agin.
+(Allegory.)
+
+Elnathan had left The Little Maid and her nurse in that Eastern city
+where he owned so much property, and had come on to pay a flyin' visit
+to Jonesville, not forgittin' Loontown, you may be sure, where a
+deceased Aunt had jest died and left her property to him.
+
+He wuz close.
+
+He had left The Little Maid in the finest hotel in the city, so he said.
+He had looked over more'n a dozen, so I hearn, before he could git one
+he thought wuz healthy enough and splendid enough for her. At last he
+selected one, standin' on a considerable rise of ground, with big, high,
+gorgeous rooms, and prices higher than the very topmost cupalo, and
+loftiest chimbly pot.
+
+Here he got two big rooms for The Little Maid, and one for the nurse. He
+got the two rooms for the child so's the air could circulate through
+'em.
+
+[Illustration: Here he got two big rooms.]
+
+He wuz very particular about her havin' air of the very purest and best
+kind there wuz made, and the same with vittles and clothes, etc., etc.,
+etc.
+
+Wall, while he wuz a-goin' on so about pure air and the values and
+necessities of it, I couldn't help thinkin' of what Barzelia had told me
+about that big property of hisen in the Eastern city where he had left
+The Little Maid.
+
+Here, in the very lowest part of the city, he owned hull streets of
+tenement housen, miserable old rotten affairs, down in stiflin' alleys,
+and courts, breeders of disease, and crime, and death.
+
+At first some on 'em fell into his hands by a exchange of property, and
+he found they paid so well, that he directed his agent to buy up a lot
+of 'em.
+
+Barzelia had told me all about 'em, she was jest as enthusiastick about
+what she didn't like as what she did; she said the money got in that
+way, by housin' the poor in such horrible pestilental places, seemed
+jest like makin' a bargain with Death. Rentin' housen to him to make
+carnival in.
+
+And while he wuz talkin' to such great length, and with such a satisfied
+and comfortable look onto his face, about the vital necessities of pure
+air and beautiful surroundin's, in order to make children well and
+happy, my thoughts kept a-roamin', and I couldn't help it. Down from the
+lovely spot where The Little Maid wuz, down, down, into the dretful
+places that Barzelia had told me about. Where squalor, and crime, and
+disease, and death walked hand in hand, gatherin' new victims at every
+step, and where the children wuz a-droppin' down in the poisinous air
+like dead leaves in a swamp.
+
+I kep a-thinkin' of this, and finally I tackled Elnathan about it, and
+he laughed, Elnathan did, and begun to talk about the swarms and herds
+of useless and criminal humanity a-cumberin' the ground, and he threw a
+lot of statisticks at me. But they didn't hit me. Good land! I wuzn't
+afraid on 'em, nor I didn't care anything about 'em, and I gin him to
+understand that I didn't.
+
+And in the cause of duty I kep on a-tacklin' him about them housen of
+hisen, and advisin' him to tear 'em down, and build wholesome ones, and
+in the place of the worst ones, to help make some little open breathin'
+places for the poor creeters down there, with a green tree now and then.
+
+And then agin he brung up the utter worthlessness, and shiftlessness,
+and viciousness of the class I wuz a-talkin' about.
+
+And then I sez--"How is anybody a-goin' to live pattern lives, when they
+are a-starvin' to death? And how is anybody a-goin' to enjoy religion
+when they are a-chokin'?"
+
+And then he threw some more statisticks at me, dry and hard ones too;
+and agin he see they didn't hit me, and then he kinder laughed agin, and
+assumed something of a jokelar air--such as men will when they are
+a-talkin' to wimmen--dretful exasperatin', too--and sez he--
+
+"You are a Philosopher, Cousin Samantha, and you must know such housen
+as you are a-talkin' about are advantageous in one way, if in no
+other--they help to reduce the surplus population. If it wuzn't for such
+places, and for the electric wires, and bomb cranks, and accidents,
+etc., the world would git too full to stand up in."
+
+"Help to reduce the surplus population!" sez I, and my voice shook with
+indignation as I said it. Sez I--
+
+"Elnathan Allen, you had better stop a-pilin' up your statisticks, for a
+spell, and come down onto the level of humanity and human brotherhood."
+
+Sez I, "Spozen you should take it to yourself for a spell, imagine how
+it would be with you if you had been born there onbeknown to yourself."
+Sez I, "If you wuz a-livin' down there in them horrible pits of disease
+and death--if you wuz a-standin' over the dyin' bed of wife or mother,
+or other dear one, and felt that if you could bring one fresh, sweet
+breath of air to the dear one, dyin' for the want of it, you would
+almost barter your hopes of eternity--
+
+"If you stood there in that black, chokin' atmosphere, reekin' with all
+pestilental and moral death, and see the one you loved best a-slippin'
+away from you--borne out of your sight, borne away into the onknown, on
+them dead waves of poisinous, deathly air--I guess you wouldn't talk
+about reducin' the Surplus Population."
+
+I had been real eloquent, and I knew it, for I felt deeply what I said.
+
+But Elnathan looked cheerful under all my talk. It didn't impress him a
+mite, I could see.
+
+He felt safe. He wuz sure the squalor and sufferin' never would or could
+touch him. He thought, in the words of the Him slightly changed, that:
+"He could read his title clear to Mansions with all the modern
+improvements."
+
+He and The Little Maid wuz safe. The world looked further off to him,
+the woes, and wants, and crimes of our poor humanity seemed quite a
+considerable distance away from him.
+
+Onclouded prosperity had hardened Elnathan's heart--it will
+sometimes--hard as Pharo's.
+
+But he wuz a visitor and one of the relations on his side, and I done
+well by him, killed a duck and made quite a fuss.
+
+The business of settlin' the estate took quite a spell, but he didn't
+hurry any.
+
+He said "the nurse wuz good as gold, she would take good care of The
+Little Maid. She wrote to him every day;" and so she did, the hussy, all
+through that dretful time to come.
+
+Oh dear me! oh dear suz!
+
+The nurse, Jean, had a sister who had come over from England with a
+cargo of trouble and children--after Jean had come on to California.
+
+And Elnathan, good-natured when he wuz a mind to be, had listened to
+Jean's story of her sister's woes, with poverty, hungery children, and a
+drunken husband, and had given this sister two small rooms in one of his
+tenement housen, and asked so little for them, that they wuz livin'
+quite comfortable, if anybody could live comfortable, in such a
+stiflin', nasty spot.
+
+Their rooms wuz on top of the house, and wuz kept clean, and so high up
+that they could get a breath of air now and then.
+
+But the way up to 'em led over a crazy pair of stairs, so broken and
+rotten that even the Agent wuz disgusted with 'em and had wrote a letter
+to Elnathan asking for new stairs, and new sanitary arrangements, as the
+deaths wuz so frequent in that particular tenement, that the Agent wuz
+frightened, for fear they would be complained of by the City
+Fathers--though them old fathers can stand a good deal without
+complainin'.
+
+Wall, the Agent wrote, but Elnathan wuz at that time buildin' a new
+orchid house (he had more'n a dozen of 'em before) for The Little Maid;
+she loved these half-human blossoms.
+
+And he wuz buildin' a high palm house, and a new fountain, and a veranda
+covered with carved lattice-work around The Little Maid's apartments.
+And a stained-glass gallery, leading from the conservatory to the
+greenhouses, and these other houses I have mentioned, so that The Little
+Maid could walk out to 'em on too sunny days, or when it misted some.
+
+And so he wrote back to his Agent, that "he couldn't possibly spend any
+money on stairs or plumbin' in a tenement house, for the repairs he wuz
+making on his own place at Menlo Park would cost more than a hundred
+thousand dollars--and he felt that he couldn't fix them stairs, and he
+thought anyway it wuzn't best to listen to the complaints of complaining
+tenants." And he ended in that jokelar way of hisen--
+
+"That if you listened to 'em, and done one thing for 'em, the next thing
+they would want would be velvet-lined carriages to ride out in."
+
+And the Agent, havin' jest seen the tenth funeral a-wendin' out of that
+very house that week, and bein' a man of some sense, though hampered,
+wrote back and said--"Carriages wouldn't be the next thing that they
+would all want, but coffins."
+
+He said sence he had wrote to Elnathan more than a dozen had been wanted
+there in that very house, and the tenants had been borne out in 'em.
+
+(And laid in fur cleaner dirt than they wuz accustomed to there;) he
+didn't write this last--that is my own eppisodin'.
+
+And agin the Agent mentioned the stairs, and agin he mentioned the
+plumbin'.
+
+But Elnathan wuz so interested then and took up in tryin' to decide
+whether he would have a stained-glass angel or some stained-glass
+cherubs a-hoverin' over the gallery in front of The Little Maid's room,
+that he hadn't a mite of time to argue any further on the subject--so he
+telegrafted--
+
+"No repairs allowed. Elnathan Allen."
+
+[Illustration: "No repairs allowed."]
+
+Wall, Elnathan had got the repairs all made, and the place looked
+magnificent.
+
+Good land! it ort to; the hull place cost more than a million dollars,
+so I have hearn; I don't say that I am postive knowin' to it. But
+Barzelia gits things pretty straight; it come to me through her.
+
+The Little Maid enjoyed it all, and Elnathan enjoyed it twice over, once
+and first in her, and then of course in his own self.
+
+But The Little Maid looked sort o' pimpin, and her little appetite
+didn't seem to be very good, and the doctor said that a journey East
+would do her good.
+
+And jest at this time the dowery in Loontown fell onto Elnathan, so that
+they all come East.
+
+Elnathan had forgot all about Jean havin' any relation in the big
+Eastern city where they stopped first--good land! their little idees and
+images had got all overlaid and covered up with glass angels, orchids,
+bank stock, some mines, palm-houses, political yearnin's, social
+distinction, carved lattice-work, some religious idees, and yots, and
+club-houses, etc., etc., etc.
+
+But when he decided to leave The Little Maid in the city and not bring
+her to Jonesville--(and I believe in my soul, and I always shall believe
+it, that he wuz in doubt whether we had things good enough for her. The
+idee! He said he thought it would be too much for her to go round to all
+the relatives--wall, mebby it wuz that! But I shall always have my
+thoughts.)
+
+But anyway, when he made up his mind to leave her, he gin the nurse
+strict orders to not go down into the city below a certain street, which
+wuz a good high one, and not let The Little Maid out of her sight night
+or day.
+
+[Illustration: He gin the nurse strict orders.]
+
+Wall, the nurse knew it wuz wrong--she knew it, but she did it. Jest as
+Cain did, and jest as David did, when he killed Ury, and Joseph's
+brother and Pharo, and you and I, and the relations on his side and on
+yourn.
+
+She knew she hadn't ort to. But bein' out a-walkin' with The Little Maid
+one day, a home-sick feelin' come over her all of a sudden. She wanted
+to see her sister--wanted to, like a dog.
+
+So, as the day wuz very fair, she thought mebby it wouldn't do any
+hurt.
+
+The sky was so blue between the green boughs of the Park! There had been
+a rain, and the glistenin' green made her think of the hedgerows of old
+England, where she and Katy used to find birds' nests, and the blue wuz
+jest the shade of the sweet old English violets. How she and Katy used
+to love them! And the blue too wuz jest the color of Katy's eyes when
+she last see them, full of tears at partin' from her.
+
+She thought of Elnathan's sharp orders not to go down into the city, and
+not to let The Little Maid out of her sight.
+
+Wall, she thought it over, and thought that mebby if she kep one of her
+promises good, she would be forgive the other.
+
+Jest as the Israelites did about the manny, and jest as You did when you
+told your wife you would bring her home a present, and come home
+early--and you bore her home a bracelet, at four o'clock in the mornin'.
+
+And jest as I did when I said, under the influence of a stirring sermon,
+that I wouldn't forgit it, and I would live up to it--wall, I hain't
+forgot it.
+
+But tenny rate, the upshot of the matter wuz that the nurse thought she
+would keep half of the Master's orders--she wouldn't let The Little Maid
+out of her sight.
+
+So she hired a cab--she had plenty of money, Elnathan didn't stent her
+on wages. He had his good qualities, Elnathan did.
+
+And she and The Little Maid rolled away, down through the broad,
+beautiful streets, lined with stately housen and filled with a throng of
+gay, handsome, elegantly clothed men, wimmen, and children.
+
+Down into narrower business streets, with lofty warehouses on each side,
+and full of a well-dressed, hurrying crowd of business men--down, down,
+down into the dretful street she had sot out to find.
+
+With crazy, slantin' old housen on either side--forms of misery filling
+the narrow, filthy street, wearing the semblance of manhood and
+womanhood. And worst of all, embruted, and haggard, and aged childhood.
+
+Filth of all sorts cumbering the broken old walks, and hoverin' over all
+a dretful sicknin' odor, full of disease and death.
+
+Wall, when they got there, The Little Maid (she had a tender heart), she
+wuz pale as death, and the big tears wuz a-rollin' down her cheeks, at
+the horrible sights and sounds she see all about her.
+
+Wall, Jean hurried her up the rickety old staircase into her sister's
+room, where Jean and Kate fell into each other's arms, and forgot the
+world while they mingled their tears and their laughter, and half crazy
+words of love and bewildered joy.
+
+The Little Maid sot silently lookin' out into the dirty, dretful
+court-yard, swarmin' with ragged children in every form of dirt and
+discomfort, squalor and vice.
+
+She had never seen anything of the kind before in her guarded,
+love-watched life.
+
+She didn't know that there wuz such things in the world.
+
+Her lips wuz quiverin'--her big, earnest eyes full of tears, as she
+started to go down the broken old stairs.
+
+And her heart full of desires to help 'em, so we spoze.
+
+But her tears blinded her.
+
+Half way down she stumbled and fell.
+
+The nurse jumped down to help her. She wuz hefty--two hundred wuz her
+weight; the stairs, jest hangin' together by links of planked rotteness,
+fell under 'em--down, down they went, down into the depths below.
+
+The nurse was stunted--not hurt, only stunted.
+
+But The Little Maid, they thought she wuz dead, as they lifted her out.
+Ivory white wuz the perfect little face, with the long golden hair
+hangin' back from it, ivory white the little hand and arm hangin' limp
+at her side.
+
+She wuz carried into Katy's room, a doctor wuz soon called. Her arm wuz
+broken, but he said, after she roused from her faintin' fit, and her
+arm wuz set--he said she would git well, but she mustn't be moved for
+several days.
+
+Jean, wild with fright and remorse, thought she would conceal her sin,
+and git her back to the hotel before she telegrafted to her father.
+
+Jest as you thought when you eat cloves the other night, and jest as I
+thought when I laid the Bible over the hole in the table-cover, when I
+see the minister a-comin'.
+
+Wall, the little arm got along all right, or would, if that had been
+all, but the poisonous air wuz what killed the little creeter.
+
+For five days she lay, not sufferin' so much in body, but stifled,
+choked with the putrid air, and each day the red in her cheeks deepened,
+and the little pulse beat faster and faster.
+
+And on the fifth day she got delerious, and she talked wild.
+
+She talked about cool, beautiful parks bein' made down in the stiflin',
+crowded, horrible courts and byways of the cities--
+
+With great trees under which the children could play, and look up into
+the blue sky, and breathe the sweet air--she talked about fresh dewey
+grass on which they might lay their little hollow cheeks, and which
+would cool the fever in them.
+
+She talked about a fountain of pure water down where now wuz filth too
+horrible to mention.
+
+She talked _very_ wild--for she talked about them terrible slantin' old
+housen bein' torn down to make room for this Paradise of the future.
+
+Had she been older, words might have fallen from her feverish lips of
+how the woes, and evils, and crimes of the lower classes always react
+upon the upper.
+
+She might have pictured in her dreams the drama that is ever bein'
+enacted on the pages of history--of the sorely oppressed masses turnin'
+on the oppressors, and drivin' them, with themselves, out to ruin.
+
+Pages smeared with blood might have passed before her, and she might
+have dreamed--for she wuz _very_ delerious--she might have dreamed of
+the time when our statesmen and lawgivers would pause awhile from their
+hard task of punishin' crime, and bend their energies upon avertin' it--
+
+Helpin' the poor to better lives, helpin' them to justice. Takin' the
+small hands of the children, and leadin' them away from the overcrowded
+prisons and penitentaries toward better lives--
+
+When Charity (a good creeter, too, Charity is) but when she would step
+aside and let Justice and True Wisdom go ahead for a spell--
+
+When co-operative business would equalize wealth to a greater
+degree--when the government would control the great enterprises, needed
+by all, but addin' riches to but few--when comfort would nourish
+self-respect, and starved vice retreat before the dawnin' light of
+happiness.
+
+Had she been older she might have babbled of all this as she lay there,
+a victim of wrong inflicted on the low--a martyr to the folly of the
+rich, and their injustice toward the poor.
+
+But as it wuz, she talked only with her little fever-parched lips of the
+lovely, cool garden.
+
+Oh, they wuz wild dreams, flittin', flittin', in little vague, tangled
+idees through the childish brain!
+
+But the talk wuz always about the green, beautiful garden, and the
+crowds of little children walkin' there.
+
+And on the seventh day (that wuz after Elnathan got there, and me and
+Josiah, bein' telegrafted to)--
+
+On the seventh day she begun to talk about a Form she saw a-walkin' in
+the garden--a Presence beautiful and divine, we thought from her words.
+He smiled as he saw the happiness of the children. He smiled upon her,
+he wuz reachin' out his arms to her.
+
+And about evenin' she looked up into her father's face and knew him--and
+she said somethin' about lovin' him so--and somethin' about the
+beautiful garden, and the happy children there, and then she looked away
+from us all with a smile, and I spozed, and I always shall spoze, that
+the Divine One a-walkin' in the cool of the evenin' in the garden, the
+benign Presence she saw there, happy in the children's happiness, drew
+nearer to her, and took her in his arms--for it says--
+
+"He shall carry the lambs in His bosom."
+
+That wuz two years ago. Elnathan Allen is a changed man, a changed man.
+
+I hain't mentioned the word surplus population to him. No, I hadn't the
+heart to.
+
+Poor creeter, I wuz good to him as I could be all through it, and so wuz
+Josiah.
+
+His hair got white as a old man's in less than two months.
+
+But with the same energy he brought to bear in makin' money he brought
+to bear on makin' The Little Maid's dream come true.
+
+He said it wuz a vision.
+
+And, poor creeter, a-doin' it all under a mournin' weed; and if ever a
+weed wuz deep, and if ever a man mourned deep, it is that man.
+
+Yes, Elnathan has done well; I have writ to him to that effect.
+
+He tore down them crazy, slantin', rotten old housen, and made a park of
+that filthy hole, a lovely little park, with fresh green grass, a
+fountain of pure water, where the birds come to slake their little
+thirsts.
+
+He sot out big trees (money will move a four-foot ellum). There is
+green, rustlin' boughs for the birds to build their nests in. Cool green
+leaves to wave over the heads of the children.
+
+They lay their pale faces on the grass, they throw their happy little
+hearts onto the kind, patient heart of their first mother, Nature, and
+she soothes the fever in their little breasts, and gives 'em new and
+saner idees.
+
+They hold their little hands under the crystal water droppin' forever
+from the outspread wings of a dove. They find insensibly the grime
+washed away by these pure drops, their hands are less inclined to clasp
+round murderous weepons and turn them towards the lofty abodes of the
+rich.
+
+They do not hate the rich so badly, for it is a rich man who has done
+all this for them.
+
+The high walls of the prison that used to loom up so hugely and
+threatingly in front of the bare old tenement housen--the harsh glare
+of them walls seem further away, hidden from them by the gracious green
+of the blossoming trees.
+
+The sunshine lays between them and its rough walls--they follow the
+glint of the sunbeams up into the Heavens.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+
+My beloved pardner is very easy lifted up or cast down by his emotions,
+and his excitement wuz intense durin' the hull of the long time that the
+warfare lasted as to where the World's Fair wuz to be held, where
+Columbus wuz goin' to be celebrated.
+
+I thought at the time, Josiah wuz so fearful riz up in his mind, that it
+wuz doubtful if he ever would be settled down agin, and act in a way
+becomin' to a grandfather and a Deacon in the M.E. meetin'-house.
+
+And it wuz a excitin' time, very, and the fightin' and quarrelin'
+between the rival cities wuz perilous in the extreme.
+
+It would have skairt Christopher, I'll bet, if he could have seen it,
+and he would have said that he would most ruther not be celebrated than
+to seen it go on.
+
+Why, New York and Chicago most come to hands and blows about it, and St.
+Louis wuz jest a-follerin' them other cities up tight, a-worryin' 'em,
+and a-naggin', and a sort o' barkin' at their heels, as it wuz, bound
+she would have it.
+
+They couldn't all on 'em have it. Christopher couldn't be in three
+places at one time and simultanous, no matter how much calculation he
+had about him. No, that wuz impossible. He had to be in one place. And
+they fit, and they fit, and they fit, till I got tired of the very name
+of the World's Fair, and Josiah got almost ravin' destracted.
+
+It seemed to me, and so I told Josiah, that New York wuz a more proper
+place for it, bein' as it wuz clost to the ocean, so many foreigners
+would float over here, them and their things that they wanted to show to
+the Fair.
+
+It would almost seem as if they would be tired enough when they got
+here, to not want to disemmark themselves and their truck, and then
+imegiatly embark agin on a periongor or wagon, or car, or sunthin, and
+go a-trailin' off thousands of milds further. And then go through it all
+agin disembarkin' and unloadin' their truck, and themselves.
+
+Howsumever, I spozed if they sot out for the Fair from Africa, or
+Hindoostan, or Asia, I spozed they would keep on till they got there, if
+they had to go the hull length of the Misisippi River, and travelled in
+more'n forty different conveniences, etc., etc. But it didn't seem so
+handy nor nigh.
+
+But Chicago is dretful worrysome and active, jest like all children who
+have growed fast, and kinder outgrowed their clothes and family
+goverment.
+
+She is dretful forward for one of her years, and she knows it. She knows
+she is smart, and she is bound to have her own way if there is any
+possible way of gittin' it.
+
+And she had jest put her foot right down, that have that Fair she would.
+And like as not if she hadn't got it she would have throwed herself and
+kicked. I shouldn't wonder a mite if she had.
+
+But she jest clawed right in, and tore round and acted, and jawed, and
+coaxed, and kinder cried, and carried the day, jest as spilte children
+will, more'n half the time.
+
+Not but what New York wuz a-cuttin' up and a-actin' jest as bad,
+accordin' to its age.
+
+But Chicago wuz younger and spryer, and could kick stronger and cut up
+higher.
+
+New York wuz older and lamer, as you may say, its jints wuz stiffer, and
+it had lost some of its faculties, which made it dretful bad for her.
+
+It wuz forgetful; it had spells of kinder losin' its memory, and had had
+for years.
+
+Now, when the Great General died, why New York cut up fearful a-fightin'
+for the honor of havin' him laid to rest in its borders.
+
+Why, New York fairly riz up and kicked higher than you could have spozed
+it wuz possible for her to kick at her age, and hollered louder than you
+could have spozed it wuz possible with her lungs.
+
+When Washington, the Capital of this Great Republic, expressed a desire
+to have the Saviour of his Country sleep by the side of the Founder of
+it--why, New York acted fairly crazy, and I believe she wuz for a spell.
+Anyway, I believe she had a spazzum.
+
+Her wild demeanor wuz such, her snorts, her oritorys, resounded on every
+side, and wuz heard all over the land. She acted crazy as a loon till
+she got her way.
+
+She promised if she could have the Hero sleep there, she would build a
+monument that would tower up to the skies.
+
+[Illustration: If she could have the Hero sleep there, she would
+build a monument that would tower up to the skies.]
+
+The most stupendious, the most impressive work of art that wuz ever
+wrought by man.
+
+Wall, she got her way. Why, she cut up so, that she had to have it,
+seemin'ly.
+
+Wall, did she do as she agreed? No, indeed.
+
+She had one of her forgetful spells come right on her, a sort of a
+stupor, I guess, a-follerin' on after a bein' too wild and crazy about
+gittin' her way.
+
+And anyway, year after year passed, and no monument wuz raised, not a
+sign of one. She lied, and she didn't seem to care if she had lied.
+
+There the grave of the Great One wuz onmarked by even a decent memorial,
+let alone the great one they said they would raise.
+
+And when the Great Ones of the Old World--the renowned in Song and Story
+and History--when they ariv in New York, most their first thoughts wuz
+to visit the Grand Tomb of our Hero--
+
+The one who their rulers had delighted to honor--the one who had been
+welcomed in the dazzlin' halls of their Kings. And them halls had felt
+honored to have his shadow rest on 'em as he passed through 'em to
+audiences with royalty.
+
+They journeyed to that tomb. Some on 'em had been used to stand by the
+tombs of their own great dead under the magestic aisles of Westminster
+Abbey, whose lofty glories dwarfs the human form almost to a pigmy.
+
+Some had stood by the white marble poem of the Tag Megal in India,
+wherein a royal soul has carved his love for a woman. If that race, to
+whom we send missionaries to civilize them, could raise such a tomb over
+its dead, and a woman too, who had done no great things, only loved the
+man who raised this incomparable monument over her--what could they
+expect to find raised by this great and dominant race over the dead form
+of the man who had saved the hull country from ruin?
+
+So with feelin's of awe and wonder in their hearts, expectin' to see
+they knew not what, the awestruck, admirin' foreigner paused before the
+tomb of the Great Leader--and he see nothin'. Not even a respectable
+grave-stun, such as you see in any New England graveyard. (Or that has
+been the case till very lately. But now things look a little brighter in
+the monument line.)
+
+But it has been a shame, and a burnin' one, so burnin' that it has
+seemed to me that it would take all the cool blue waters that glide
+along below, a-complainin' of the slight and insult to our Hero--it
+would take more than all these waters to wash it out and make the
+country clean agin.
+
+But she had one of her spells, and whether she wuz well or whether she
+wuz sick, New York lied jest like a dog about it.
+
+Whether she wuz crazy or not, the fact remained that she had bragged,
+and then gin out; had promised, and not performed.
+
+I believe she wuz out of her head.
+
+Then there wuz the same kind of a performance she went through with the
+Goddess of Liberty.
+
+When France had gin that beautiful and most wondeful creeter to us as a
+present, it looked sort o' shabby in New York to not provide a platform
+for that female to stand up on.
+
+Now, didn't it? She a-offerin' to light up the world if she only had a
+place to stand up on--and the great continent of America not bein'
+willin' to gin it to her.
+
+[Illustration: She a-offerin' to light up the world, if she only had
+a place to stand up on.]
+
+New York talked--oh, yes, it wuz a-goin' to do great things! Oh, what a
+big, noble door-step it wuz a-layin' out to rize up for that goddess to
+stand on!
+
+But there it wuz, New York had one of her spells agin, lost her
+faculties, forgot all about what she said she wuz a-goin' to do--and
+left that noble female, left that princely present to lay round in a
+heap, a perfect imposition to France and to human nater.
+
+The idee of a goddess with no place to stand up on! The Great Republic
+a-stretchin' out on each side, and no place for her feet to rest on.
+
+And no knowin' but she would have been a-layin' round to-day, all broke
+up and onjinted, if it hadn't been for a public-sperited newspaper man,
+who took the matter up, and worked at it, and called public attention to
+it, till at last it got a place for the goddess to be histed up on her
+feet, and rest her legs a spell, all crumpled up under her.
+
+The idee of a goddess, and such a goddess, a layin' round with her legs
+all doubled up under her, and all broke up--the idee!
+
+Then it got the Centenial Exhibition there. And it wuzn't no more than
+right, what it promised and bound itself to do, to make some triumphal
+arches for the processions to walk under, a-triumphin'.
+
+Why, she vowed and declared solemn that she would make 'em if she could
+have it there.
+
+They wuz goin' to be, accordin' to her tell, accordin' to what New York
+said about it, about the most gorgus and impressive arches that ever wuz
+arched over anybody, fur or near, anywhere.
+
+Now, after it got the exhibition there, did it make 'em? No, indeed.
+
+It had another spell come on, clean forgot all about it. And there the
+Columbian Exposition come and no arch for it to walk under, not a arch,
+only some old boards nailed up, some like a barn door, only higher.
+
+[Illustration : Wooden arch]
+
+Wall, you see these kind o' crazy spells, losin' its faculties every
+once in a while, made it dretful hard for New York.
+
+I believe she would got the World's Fair if it hadn't been for that. But
+the question would keep a-comin' up, and the country had to pay
+attention to it--what if she got the World's Fair, and then had another
+fit! What if she had another spell come on, and forgot all about it!
+
+And lo! and behold! have the World's Fair sail up and halt in front of
+her and she not have any place for it, and mebby be out of her head so
+she couldn't remember nothin', wouldn't remember who Christopher wuz, or
+anythin'.
+
+No; the hull country felt that it wuz resky, and that, I have always
+spozed, wuz one reason why New York lost it.
+
+And then, as I have said heretofore, Chicago wuz jest bound to have it,
+and she did.
+
+But then, if you'll believe it, jest like any spilte young child that
+cries for another big apple when both its hands are full of 'em--it
+hadn't no place for it.
+
+It had got the World's Fair, but hadn't got any place to put it. The
+idee!
+
+Jest crazy to have it, cried and yelled, and acted, (metafor) till it
+got it. And then, lo! and behold! where wuz she goin' to put it? Hadn't
+a place big enough, or ready for it.
+
+Of course she had the lake. But she didn't want to drownd it, after
+makin' such a fuss over it; it wouldn't have seemed very horsepitable.
+And she didn't really want to put it out onto a prairie. And she
+couldn't put it right round under her feet, where it would git trampled
+on, and git bruised, and knocked round; that wouldn't be a-usin'
+Christopher Columbus as he ort to be used.
+
+And, as I say, she wuz honorable enough to not want to put it in the
+lake.
+
+And so, after worryin' and takin' on, and talkin' month after month
+about it, she concluded to split the Christopher Columbus World's Fair
+into some like this--put the Christopher part on a stagin' built out
+into the lake, and the Columbus part back a ways into the park.
+
+Wall, I didn't make no objections to it; I thought I wouldn't say a word
+or make a move to break it up, or make their burdens any heavier. No; I
+jest stood still and see it go on.
+
+Only I did talk some out to one side to my Josiah about it, about the
+curiosity of their behavior.
+
+Sez I, "It seems as if, after what Columbus done for the country, he ort
+to be kep hull, and not be broke into, and split apart. But howsumever,"
+sez I, "I sha'n't make any move to stop it."
+
+And Josiah sez "he guessed it wouldn't make much difference whether I
+made a move or not. He guessed Chicago could take care of its own
+business, and would do it."
+
+I wuz a-pinnin' the outside onto a comforter, and I had a lot of pins in
+my mouth, but before I put 'em in I sez--
+
+"Wall, it looks kind o' shiftless to me, to think they hadn't no place
+to put it, after all their actions."
+
+And as I resoomed my work, he went on:
+
+"Now, you imagine how you would feel, Samantha Allen, if you had bought
+a big elephant, bigger than Jumbo, and you knew it wuz on its way here,
+approachin' nearer and nearer--had got as fur as Old Bobbet's, and we
+hadn't a place to put it in that wuz suitable and strong enough--we
+couldn't git her head hardly in the stable, we couldn't leave her out
+doors to rampage round and step over barns and knock down housen, and we
+couldn't git it offen our hands any way, kill it, or give it away--how
+would you feel?"
+
+[Illustration: We couldn't git her head hardly in the stable.]
+
+Then I took my pins out of my mouth, and sez--
+
+"I wouldn't have bought the elephant till I had measured my barn."
+
+Then I put my pins in my mouth agin, for I thought like as not that I
+wouldn't have to use my tongue agin. I didn't lay out to, for my mouth
+wuz full, and I wuz in a hurry for my comforter.
+
+But Josiah sez, "O shaw! lots of folks buy things they hadn't no idee of
+buyin' till they see somebody else wants 'em bad.
+
+"I remember that is the way I come to buy that two-year colt; I hadn't a
+idee of wantin' it till I see Old Bobbet and Deacon Sypher jest sot on
+havin' it, and that whetted me right up, and I wuz jest bound to have
+that colt, and did. I didn't expect to find it profitable any of the
+time. I knew it would kick like the old Harry and smash things, and it
+did.
+
+"And that is jest the way with Chicago; she knew the World's Fair wuzn't
+over and above profitable to have round, besides bein' dretful
+bothersome, but she see New York and St. Louis a-dickerin' for it, and
+then she wanted it."
+
+"Wall," sez I, considerable dry and sharp, for I had three pins in my
+mouth at the time--
+
+"She has got it!"
+
+"Yes," sez Josiah, "and you'll see that she will put in and work lively,
+now she's got it; she'll show what she can do."
+
+"Yes," sez I, dryer than ever, and more sharper; "before she got a stun
+laid for a foundation to rest the World's Fair on, before she got a
+stick laid for Christopher to plant one of his feet on, she begun to buy
+up hull streets of housen to rig up for saloons, to make men drunk as
+fools, to make murderers and assassins of 'em.
+
+"I wonder what Columbus would say if he could stand there and see it go
+on."
+
+"He'd probable step in and take a drink," sez Josiah.
+
+"Never," sez I. "The eye that could discover without actual sight, the
+soul that could apprehend without comprehension--that could look fur off
+into the mist of the onknown, and see a New World risin' up before his
+rapt vision--such a eye and such a soul didn't depend on bad whiskey for
+its stimulent. No, indeed!
+
+"He didn't lay round in bar-rooms with a red nose, and a stagger onto
+him. He wuz up and about, with his senses all straight, and the star he
+follered wuzn't the light of a corner saloon.
+
+"No, indeed! He see the invisible. He wuz beloved of God, and hearn
+secrets that coarser minds round him never dremp of. He didn't try to
+cloy up them Heavenly senses with whiskey. No, indeed!
+
+"And Isabella now, if that likely creeter could be sot down in front of
+that long street of grog-shops, she would almost be sorry she ever sold
+her jewelry, she would be so sot back by seein' that awful sight."
+
+"O shaw!" sez Josiah, "she didn't sell her jewelry."
+
+"Wall, she wuz willin' to," sez I.
+
+"Id'no as she wuz. She jest talked about it; wimmen must talk or bust
+anyway, they are made so."
+
+"How are men made?" sez I dryly, as dry as ever a corncob wuz, after
+many years.
+
+"Oh, men are made so's they try to answer wimmen some--they have to;
+they have to keep their hand in so's to not lose their speech on that
+very account. I presume Columbus knew all about such things. He had two
+wives; he knew what trouble wuz."
+
+I see that man wuz a-tryin' every way to draw my attention away offen
+them long streets of saloons built up in Chicago, and I wouldn't suckumb
+to it. So I branched right out, and back agin, and sez I--
+
+"The idee of a civilized city, after eighteen hundred years of
+Christianaty--the idee of their doin' sunthin' that if savage Africans
+or Inguns wuz a-doin' the World would ring with it, and missionaries
+would start for 'em on the run, or by the carload.
+
+"There is a awful fuss made about a cannibal eatin' a man now and then,
+makin' a good plain stew of him, or a roast, and that is the end of it;
+they eat up his flesh, but they don't make no pretensions to fry up his
+soul; they leave that free and pure, and it goes right up to Heaven.
+
+"But here in our Christian land, in city and country, this great
+man-eatin' trade costs the country over a billion dollars a year, and
+devours one hundred and twenty thousand men each year, and destroys the
+soul and mind first, before it tackles the body.
+
+"They go as fur ahead of cannibals in this wickedness as eternity is
+longer than time.
+
+"And the Goverment, this great beneficent Goverment, that looks down
+with pity on oncivilized races--the Goverment of the United States sells
+and rents this man-eater and soul-destroyer at so much a year.
+
+"If I had my way," sez I, a-gittin' madder and madder the more I thought
+on't--
+
+"If I had my way I'd bring over a hull drove of cannibals and
+Hottentots, etc., and let 'em camp round Uncle Sam a spell, and try to
+reform him.
+
+"And the first thing I would have 'em make that old man do would be to
+empty out his pockets, turn 'em right inside out and empty out all the
+accursed gains he had got from this shameful traffic. And then I'd have
+them cannibals jest trot that old man right round to every saloon and
+rum-hole he had rented and wuz a partner in the proceeds, and make him
+lay to and empty out every barrel and hogset of whiskey and beer and
+cider, and make him do the luggin' and liftin' his own self.
+
+"And then I'd let them Hottentots drive him round a spell to all the
+houses of infamy in which he wuz in partnership, and I'd make him haul
+some matches out of his pockets and set fire to 'em, and burn 'em all
+down, every one of 'em.
+
+"And then I'd let the old man set down and rest a spell, and let them
+heathens instruct him and teach him a spell their way of man-eatin'. And
+I'll bet after a while they could git the old man up to their level, so
+if he sot out to kill a man, he would jest kill him, and not destroy his
+soul first. For he hain't upon a level with 'em now," sez I, a-lookin'
+firm and decided at my pardner.
+
+And he sez, "I shouldn't think you would dast to talk so about Uncle
+Sam; you have always pretended to like him--you would never bear to hear
+a word agin him."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "it is because I like him that I want him to do right. Do
+you spoze a mother don't like a child when she spanks him for temper, or
+blisters him for croup, or gives him worm-wood for worms?
+
+"I love that old man, and wish him awful well, and when I see him so
+noble and sot up in lots of things, it jest makes me mad as a hen to
+see him so awful mean and little in others.
+
+[Illustration: "I love that old man, and wish him awful well."]
+
+"I wouldn't think I liked him half so well if I sot down and see him
+stalk right on to his own ruin, and not try to stop him.
+
+"Do you spoze a ma would set and let the child she loved throw himself
+into the fire because he got mad? No; she would haul him back, and the
+more he kicked and struggled the more she would hang on, and like as not
+spank him.
+
+"I want this country to be the Light of the World, the favored of
+Heaven, and the admiration of all the different nations that will camp
+round it at the Christopher Columbus Exhibition. But they can't be
+expected to uphold no such doin's as these, let alone admirin' of 'em."
+
+
+Sez Josiah, "It beats all how wimmen will run on if a man gits drunk.
+Why don't you pitch into him, instead of blamin' the Goverment?"
+
+And I sez, "If you go to work to move a tree you don't pull on the top
+branches. Of course they are more showy and easy to git holt of. But you
+have to dig the roots out if you want to move the tree."
+
+Josiah looked real indifferent. He hain't like me in lots of things; he
+is more for dabblin' on the surface than divin' down under the water
+for first causes, and he spoke up the minute I had finished my last
+words, and sez he--
+
+"Krit and Thomas Jefferson are a-comin' here to dinner; they are goin'
+up to Zoar on business, and are a-goin' to stop as they come back. And I
+should think it wuz about time you got sunthin' started."
+
+And I sez, "The boys a-comin' here to dinner! Why'e--why didn't you tell
+me so?"
+
+And I got right up and went to makin' a lemon puddin'.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+
+I knew Thomas J. wuz a-layin' out to go up to Zoar some day that week to
+see about a young chap to stay in his office while he wuz at the World's
+Fair, and it seemed that Krit had gone along for company and for the
+ride.
+
+Them two young fellers love to be together. They are both as smart as
+whips--the very keenest, snappiest kind of whips.
+
+Wall, I laid out to git a good dinner, that wuz my calm intention; and I
+sent out Josiah Allen to ketch two plump pullets, I a-layin' out to
+stuff 'em with the particular kind of dressin' that Thomas J. is partial
+to. It is a good dressin'.
+
+And then I wuz a-layin' out to have some nice mashed-up potatoes, some
+early sweet peas, some lemon puddin', besides some coffee, jest as
+Thomas J. likes it--rich, golden coffee, with plenty of cream in it; and
+then besides I wuz goin' to have one or two vegetables that Josiah
+liked, and some jellys, etc., that Krit wuz particular fond of. Oh, I
+wuz goin' to have a good dinner, there hain't a doubt of that! Oh, and
+I wuz goin' to have some delicious soup too, to start off the dinner
+with! I got the receipt of Job Pressley's wife and improved on it,
+(though I wouldn't want her to know I said it, she is jealous
+dispositioned.) But I did.
+
+Wall, if you'll believe it, jest as I wuz a-finishin' my dressin',
+addin' the last ingregient to it, and my mind wuz all on a strain to
+have it jest right--
+
+All of a sudden Josiah Allen rushed in all out of breath, and hollered
+to me for a rope.
+
+"A rope?" sez I, bein' took aback.
+
+"Yes, a long, stout rope," sez he, a-standin' still and a-breathin'
+hard. Why, he looked that wild and agitated and wrought up, that the
+idee passed through my mind:
+
+Is that man a-contemplatin' suicide? Does he want to hang himself?
+
+But, as I sez, the idee only jest passed through my fore-top; it didn't
+find any encouragement to stay--it went through on the trot, as you may
+say.
+
+No, my noble-minded pardner never would commit suicide, I knew. But his
+looks wuz fearful, and I sez, almost tremblin'--
+
+"What do you want the rope for? I don't know of any rope, only the
+bed-cord up in the old chamber."
+
+At these words, that agitated, skairt man rushed right upstairs, I
+a-follerin' him, summer-savory still in my hands, and fear and tremblin'
+in my mean.
+
+And I see him dash up to the old bedstead in the attick, dash off the
+bedclothes and the feather-bed, and beginnin' oncordin' of it.
+
+I then laid hands on him, and commanded him to desist.
+
+"I won't desist," sez he, "I won't desist."
+
+There wuz I, still a-holdin' him by the back of his frock--he had on his
+barn clothes.
+
+"Then do you tell your pardner the meanin' of your actions imegetly and
+to once."
+
+"I hain't got time," sez he, and oh! how he wuz onriddlin' that old
+bedstead of the rope; the fuzz fairly flew offen the rope as he yanked
+it through them holes, and twice I wuz hit by it voyalently in my face,
+as I strove to hold him, and elicit some information out of him.
+
+But I could git nothin' but hard breathin' and muttered oathes till the
+bed-cord wuz all onloosened, and then he gathered it over his arm and
+started on the run for the door, I a-follerin'.
+
+And then I see that there stood Old Bobbet, Sime Yerden, Deacon Sypher,
+and, in fact, most all the men in the neighborhood and some beyend it,
+some from the Loontown road, and some from over towards Shackville.
+There wuz more'n twenty of 'em.
+
+And I sez, and I almost fainted as I sez it--
+
+"Has another war broke loose, or is it a wild animal from a circus? Tell
+me, oh, tell me what it is!"
+
+And one on 'em hollered, "It is a wild beast in human shape, but he
+won't be a wild beast much longer!"
+
+And he pinted to the rope he had on his arm.
+
+And I see then the fearful meanin' hangin' round that bed-cord. I see
+that others had 'em, and I see that hangin' wuz about to take place and
+ensue. And I besought Josiah Allen "to pause, to stay a little, to tell
+me what it all meant, to not take the law into his own hands."
+
+I poured out words like a flood, I wuz inkoherent in the extreme, and my
+words wuz vain.
+
+But Josiah Allen--oh, how that man loves me! He darted back, throwed a
+paper at my feet, and hollered--
+
+"That will explain, Samantha!" And then he wuz gone; I see 'em divide
+into four parties, and go towards the woods, and towards the hills, and
+towards the creek, and towards the beaver medder, each party havin' a
+rope, and I sez solemn like, before I thought--
+
+"May God have mercy on your poor soul!"
+
+I spoze I meant the one they wuz after, and mebby I meant them that wuz
+after him, I don't know; I wuz too inkoherent and wrought up to know
+what I did mean.
+
+But I know I sot down and read that paper as quick as I could find my
+specks. And I well remember that after huntin' high and low for 'em and
+all over the house with tremblin' knees and shaky hands cold as a
+frog's, I found 'em on my own fore-top, and I sot right down in my
+tracts and read.
+
+Well, it wuz enough to melt the heart of a stun, a granit stun, and as I
+sot there and read, the tears jest run down my face in a stream; why,
+they fell so that they wet the front of my gingham dress wet as sop, and
+ontirely onbeknown to me.
+
+But I kep a-thinkin' to myself, "Oh, that poor little creeter! Oh, them
+poor, poor creeters that loved her! Oh, that poor mother!" And then anon
+I would say to myself, "Oh, what if it wuz my Tirzah Ann! What if it wuz
+the Babe! Oh, that villian; may the Lord punish him!"
+
+And that is jest the way I sot, and wept, and cried, and cried and wept.
+
+You see, the way it wuz, there wuz a sweet little girl, only ten years
+old, decoyed by a lyin' excuse from her warm, cosey home at midnight by
+a villian, and took through the snowy, icy streets to her doom.
+
+Her little cold body wuz found in an empty old barn, and her destroyer,
+her murderer, had fled. But men wuz on his tracts, the hull country wuz
+roused, and they wuz huntin' him down, as if he wuz a wild animal, as
+indeed he wuz.
+
+But anon, as I read the paper over again, I see these words--"The man
+was intoxicated."
+
+And then I begun to weep on the other end of my handkerchief (metafor).
+
+And then, when other accounts come out, and the man wuz ketched, he
+swore, and swore solemn, too, that he did not remember one single
+solitary thing after he left that saloon where he got his drink till he
+sobered up and found himself by the side of that little dead body.
+
+And other witnesses swore that they see him drunk as a fool before he
+sot out on his murderous and worse than murderous assault.
+
+But from the time of the first tidings that come of the deed that had
+been done--though the excitement wuz more rampant that I ever knew it to
+be, and every single man in the community wuz out bloodthirsty for his
+death, and every party a-carry-in' a rope to hang him, and every woman
+a-lookin' out eager to see him hung, and all on 'em a-cursin' him, and
+a-weepin' over what he had done--
+
+Durin' all this time, not one word did I hear uttered agin the cause of
+his crime, agin the man who sold him what made him a murderer, and
+worse, or the man that supplied the saloon with this damnable liquid.
+
+No, not a single word did I hear from a Jonesvillian, male or female.
+And not one word from my pardner, though his excitement wuz so extreme
+that that night, jest about dusk, he rushed out thinkin' that he had got
+the murderer, and throwed the rope round Deacon Sypher, who had come
+over to borrow an auger. And once in a similer way he ketched Old
+Bobbet, his excitement and zeal wuz so rampant and intense.
+
+[Illustration: He rushed out and throwed the rope around Deacon Sypher.]
+
+Them old men wuz mad as hens, and cause enough they had, though they
+forgive him when they see what a state he wuz in, and they jest about as
+bad themselves.
+
+But not a word from them, nor from any one did I hear durin' the hull
+time the excitement rained--and oh! how it did rain--about the cause of
+the crime.
+
+Not one man waded in and dived down into the deep undercurrent of
+causes, that strange deep that underlays all human actions.
+
+And once durin' the last day's hunt for the murderer, who wuz hidin'
+round somewhere--it wuz spozed in the woods--I see as I looked out of my
+kitchen winder, at a party headed for our swamp, one man fur more
+ferocious actin' than any I had seen; he wuz a-hollerin' wilder, and he
+carried a fur longer rope.
+
+And I asked my companion who that man wuz that acted madder and fur more
+fiercer than any of the rest and more anxious to git holt of the
+escapin' man, so he could be hung up to once to the highest tree that
+could be found.
+
+I hearn him say that right out of my own kitchen winder--I hearn him
+say--
+
+"We won't wait for no law; if we only ketch him we will hang him up so
+high that the buzzards can't git him."
+
+And then he yelled out savage and fierce and started off on a run for
+the swamp, the rest of the men applaudin' him up high, and follerin' on
+after him.
+
+And Josiah told me that wuz the saloon-keeper up to Zoar.
+
+Sez I, "The very man that sold that poor sinner the licker on that
+night?"
+
+"Yes," sez Josiah.
+
+"Wall," sez I, "the rope ort to be used on his own neck."
+
+And Josiah Allen acted awfully horrified at my idee, and asked me "if I
+wuz as crazy as a loon?"
+
+And sez he, "He has been one of the fiercest ones to head him off that
+has been out."
+
+And I sez dryly--dry as a chip, "He wuzn't so fierce to head him off the
+night he sold him the whiskey and hard cider." Sez I, "That headin' off
+would have amounted to sunthin'."
+
+And agin I sez, "The rope ort to be used on his own neck, if it is on
+anybody's, his and Uncle Sam's."
+
+And agin Josiah Allen asked me, "If I wuz as crazy as a dumb loon and a
+losin' my faculties--what few of 'em you ever had," sez he.
+
+And I sez, "The two wuz in partnership together, and they got the man to
+do the murder." Sez I, "Most all the murders that are done in this
+country are done by that firm--the Goverment and the Saloon-keeper. And
+when their poor tools, that they have whetted up for bloodshed, swing
+out through their open doors and cut and slash and mow down their
+ghastly furrows of crime and horrer, who is to blame?"
+
+And Josiah turned over the almanac to the yeller cover and perused it,
+so's to show his perfect and utter indifference and contempt for my
+words.
+
+Wall, they ketched the man a day or two after, about sundown. He had
+been a little ahead of his pursuers, a-dodgin' 'em this way and that
+way, jest like a fox a-dodgin' a pack of hounds.
+
+His old rubber boots wuz all wore offen him, his clothes hangin' in rags
+and tatters where he had rushed through the woods and swamps, his feet
+and hands all froze. Half starved, and almost idiotic with fear and
+remorse and the effects of the poisoned licker and doctored cider he had
+drinked, he wuz the most pitiful and wretched-lookin' object I ever see
+in my hull life.
+
+And it happened he wux took a little over a mile from us, and he wuz
+brung right by our door.
+
+There wuz some officers in the party, so they interfered and kep the mob
+from hangin' him right up by the neck.
+
+They said they had to hold that saloon-keeper to keep his hands offen
+him, and they said that in spite of all he did git the rope round him.
+
+But the officers interfered, and after that they had to hold the
+saloon-keeper to keep him from the prisoner.
+
+And I sez, when Josiah was a-praisin' up the saloon-keeper's zeal, and
+how the officers had to hold him--
+
+I sez, "It is a pity the officers didn't hold him in the first place,
+and then all the horrer and tragedy might have been saved."
+
+But my pardner wouldn't even notice a thing I said. He felt, I could
+see, that my remarks wuz indeed beneath his notice.
+
+Wall, I stood and see this poor, weak, despairin' victim of rum dragged
+off to a felon's doom, dragged off to the scaffold, and one of his chief
+draggers wuz the one that caused his crime--caused it accordin' to law.
+And the rest of his draggers wuz the ones who had voted to have the
+trade of murderer makin' and child killin' and villian breedin'
+perpetuated and kep up.
+
+And the Goverment of the United States hung him, the same Goverment that
+wuz in partnership with that saloon up in Zoar, and took part of the pay
+for makin' this man murder that innocent little girl.
+
+Wall, Josiah and me, we went to that funeral. I felt that I must go, and
+so did he; it wuz only about five milds from here, in the Methodist
+Episcopal Meetin'-House up to Zoar.
+
+Her father and mother wuz members in good standin'. Lots of
+Jonesvillians went to the funeral; there hadn't been such a excitement
+in Zoar and Jonesville sence Seth Widrik murdered his wife's mother
+with a broad axe (and that wuz done through whiskey, so they say; it wuz
+done before my time).
+
+The Meetin'-House in Zoar wuz crowded to its utmost capacity and the
+ceilin'. And seats wuz sot in all the aisles, and the pulpit stairs wuz
+full of folks, and the door-steps, and the front yard wuz packed full.
+We went early, and got a seat.
+
+[Illustration: Wall, Josiah and me, we went to that funeral.]
+
+All the ministers of Zoar, and Jonesville, and Loontown, and Shackville
+wuz there, and of all the sermons that wuz preached--wall, it wuz a
+sight. The tears jest run down most everybody's face, and when the
+mourners wuz addressed, why, big, hefty men all round me jest boohooed
+right out. Why, it wuz enough to melt a stun.
+
+Then the preacher depictered that little golden head that had made
+sunshine in her home through the darkest days, as bein' brung low by an
+asassin. Then he spoke of that sweet little silvery voice a-ringin'
+through the home and the hearts of her father and mother, of how it wuz
+lifted up in vain appeal to her slayer that dretful night.
+
+Then he spoke of the tender white arms that clung so lovingly round her
+parent's neck, how they wuz lifted up in frantic appeal and vain to her
+destroyer that bleak night, and wuz now folded up to be lifted no more
+till she met that man at the bar of God. And then the little arm would
+be raised and point him out "murderer." The sweet eyes, full of God's
+avenging wrath, would smite him as accursed from God's presence forever.
+
+And then he depictered it all how she would be taken to His own heart by
+Him "who said that He would carry the lambs in His bosom." And this poor
+wounded lamb, He would hold more tenderly than any other, while the
+murderer! the villian! the asassin! would be hurled downward into
+everlasting burning, where he would dwell forever and forever in the
+midst of unquenchable flames, in partial payment of that deed of hisen.
+
+Why, when he said them last words about the prisoner, folks looked so
+relieved and pleased that their tears almost dried.
+
+And the saloon-keeper, who sot right in front of me, hollered
+out--"Amen, amen, so mote it be!"
+
+He wuz a Methodist, he had a right to holler. And folks looked approvin'
+at him for it.
+
+But I didn't--no, fur from it. I kep up a-thinkin' what I read--
+
+"That the prisoner wuz a good-hearted man, only drink made a fiend and a
+fool of him." And that he said solemn "that he did not remember one
+thing that had taken place after he had taken his three first drinks up
+in that saloon, till he sobered up and found himself in that deserted
+old barn, with the little dead body by his side, little delicate
+creeter, dead and frozen, with all of the black future of desperate
+remorse and agony for him a-lookin' at him in the stare of her open blue
+eyes."
+
+Sweet little forget-me-not eyes, like two spring violets frozen in a
+drift of snow. What strange things I read in 'em, with my tears
+a-fallin' fast onto 'em!
+
+They seemed full of mute questionin'. They seemed to be lookin' up
+through the blue sky clear up to God's throne. They seemed to almost
+compel a answer from divine justice as to what wuz the cause of her
+murder. To appeal dumbly to the God of Justice and Mercy to wipe out
+this curse from our land--the curse that wuz causin' jest such murders,
+and jest such agonies, all over our land--sendin' out to the gallows and
+down to perdition jest such criminals.
+
+The little coffin had to be put out in the yard, as I say, so the crowd
+could walk past it.
+
+And there the little golden head and white face lay for 'em all to see.
+But nobody seemed to see in 'em what I see. For amongst the many curses
+of the murderer that I heard, not one word did I hear about the man that
+caused the murder, about the voters and upholders of that man, about the
+Goverment that wuz in partnership with that man and went shares with
+him, and for the sake of a few cents had dealt out that agony, that
+shame, and that criminality.
+
+[Illustration: Not one word did I hear about the Goverment that wuz
+in partnership with that man.]
+
+Wall, the little coffin wuz closed at last, the mother wuz carried
+faintin', and lookin' like a dead woman, back to her empty, darkened
+home. The father, with a face like white marble, curbin' down his own
+agonized grief so's to take care of her, and try to bring her back to
+the world agin, so they could together face its blackness and emptiness.
+
+And the crowd dispersed, lookin' forward to the excitement of the
+hangin'.
+
+And the saloon-keeper went home and mebby counted over the few cents
+that accrued to him out of the hull enterprise.
+
+And the wise male voters returned, a-calculatin' (mebby) on votin' for
+license so's to improve the condition of their towns.
+
+And Uncle Sam, poor, childish old creeter, mebby wrote down aginst this
+hull job--"three cents revenue." And mebby he rattled them cents round
+in his old pockets. I don't know what he did; I hain't no idee what he
+won't take it into his old head to do.
+
+And the prisoner sot in his dark, cold cell, and didn't appreciate,
+mebby, the wisdom of the wise law-makers increasin' our revenues by such
+means.
+
+No; he had all he could do to set and look at the bare stun walls, and
+figger out this sum--on one side the three cents profit; and substract
+from it--a bright young life ended, lifelong agony to the hearts that
+loved her.
+
+His own old mother's and sister's heads and hearts bowed down in shame
+and sorrow.
+
+His own hopeful life cut short at the edge of the scaffold, and for the
+future--what?
+
+He couldn't quite work that out, for this text kep comin' into his
+sum--"No drunkard shall inherit eternal life."
+
+And then another text kep a-comin' up--
+
+"Cursed is he that putteth the cup to his neighbor's lips."
+
+No, he didn't feel the triumphant wisdom of the licker traffic. He
+wouldn't feel like rattlin' the three cents round in his pockets if he
+had 'em, but he didn't have 'em. His sum, no matter how many times he
+figgered it out, stood nothin' but orts, nothin' but clear loss to him,
+here and hereafter.
+
+Wall, I have rode off considerable of a ways with my wagon hitched on in
+front of my horse, and to go back to the horse's head agin.
+
+I had a good dinner by the time the boys got back from Zoar--a excellent
+one.
+
+And in order to go on with my story, and keep right by that horse's head
+I spoke of, I will pass over Josiah's excitement when he come in jest
+before dinner, and throwed his rope down in the corner of the kitchen;
+but suffice it to say, his excitement wuz nearly rampant.
+
+I will pass over the two boys' indignant anger, which wuz jest the same
+as mine, only stronger, as much stronger as man's strength is stronger
+than a woman's.
+
+Thomas J. had been successful in gittin' the young chap; he wuz a-comin'
+when he wuz wanted. Thomas J. wuzn't goin' to wait till the last minute
+before he engaged him; our son is a wonderful good business
+man--wonderful.
+
+And everything seemed to bid fair that we should git off with no
+hendrances to the World's Fair, to pay our honor and our respects to
+Christopher Columbus.
+
+And oh, how I did honor that man! I sot there in my peaceful kitchen
+that afternoon, after the boys had gone away, perfectly satisfied with
+the dinner I had gin 'em.
+
+And when I had got my mind a little offen that poor little girl and her
+poor drunken destroyer, I begun to think agin of Christopher Columbus,
+and what he had done, and what he hadn't done, till I declare for't I
+got fairly lost in thoughts.
+
+I thought of how he had been scorfed at and jerred at for not thinkin'
+as other folks did. And how he kep workin', and hopin', and believin',
+and persistin' in thinkin' that he wuz in the right on't, and kep on a
+lookin' over the wide waste of waters for the New Land.
+
+And I thought to myself how I would enjoy a good visit with Christopher,
+and how he would sympathize with us, who, though we may be scorfed at by
+our pardners, and the world.
+
+Yet can't help a-lookin' off over the troubled waves of unjust laws, and
+cruel old customs, a-tryin' to catch a glimpse of the New and Freer
+Land, that our hopes and our divine intuitions tell us is there beyend
+the shadows, a-waitin' for free men and free wimmen.
+
+Yes, I did feel at that time how conjenial Christopher Columbus would
+have been to me.
+
+As I have said more formally, Christopher wuz sot up in my mind to a
+almost tottlin' hite, on account of several things he did, and several
+things he didn't do.
+
+Yes; Christopher wuz sot up in my mind to a almost tottlin' hite, on
+account of several things he did, and several things he didn't do.
+
+Now, if anybody to-day branches out into any new and beautiful belief
+and practice--anything that is beyend the vision of more carnal-minded
+people--
+
+Why they raise the cry to once, "Let us cling to common sense. Let us be
+guided by what we see and know. Don't let us float out on any new
+theory. Don't less go out of sight of the Shore of old Practice, and
+Custom."
+
+And lots of times them rare souls to whom the secrets of God are
+revealed--them who see the High White Ideal lightnin' the Darkness--the
+glowin' form of a New Truth shinin' out amidst the thick clouds
+overhead--lots of times they git bewildered and skairt by the mockin'
+voices about them. They drop their eyes before the insultin',
+oncomprehendin' sneers of the multitude, and fall into commonplace ways,
+and walks, to please the commonplace people about them. Jest dragged
+down by them Mockers and Scoffers.
+
+Some of 'em mebby united to 'em by links of earth-made metal, Sons of
+God married to the Daughters of men, mebby, and castin' their kingly
+crowns at the feet of a Human Love.
+
+Did Columbus do so? No, indeed. I dare presume to say that the more Miss
+Columbus nagged at him the more sotter he grew in his own views.
+
+(I have used this simely on this occasion on the side of males, but it
+is jest as true on the side of females. For Inspiration and Genius when
+it falls from Heaven is jest as apt to descend and settle down onto a
+female's fore-top as a male's, and the blind and naggin' pardner is jest
+as apt to be a male--jest exactly.)
+
+But as I wuz a-sayin', the more Columbus wuz mocked at--the more they
+jeered and sneered at him, the more stiddy and constant he pursued after
+the Land that appeared only to his prophetic eyes.
+
+Day after day, when he wuz tired out, beat completely out by the
+incomprehension, and weary doubts, and empty denials of the
+multitude--then, like a breath of balm, came to his weary forward the
+soft gale from the land he sought; he saw in his own mind the tall pines
+reach up into the blue skies, the rich bloom and greenness of its
+Savannas; he inhaled the odor of rare blossoms that the Old World
+never saw, and then he riz up agin, refreshed, as it were, and ready to
+press forwards.
+
+[Illustration: He saw in his own mind the tall pines reach up into
+the blue skies.]
+
+Yes, in every country, through all time, there has always been some
+Columbus, walkin' with his feet on the ground amongst mortals, and his
+head in the Heavens amongst Gods.
+
+He has oftenest been poor, and always misunderstood, and undervalued, by
+the grosser souls about him.
+
+The discoverers, the inventors, whom God loves best, it must be, sence
+He confides in 'em, and tells 'em things He keeps hid from the World.
+Them who apprehend while yet they cannot comprehend.
+
+And that is what we have got to do lots of times if we git along any in
+this World, if we calculate to git out of its Swamps and Morasses onto
+any considerable rise of ground.
+
+You can't foller a ground-mice or a snail, if you lay out to elevate
+yourself; no, you must foller a Star.
+
+You have got to keep your eyes up above the ground, or your feet will
+never take you up any mountain side.
+
+And how them mariners tried to make Columbus turn back after he had at
+last, through all his tribulations, sot sail on the broad, treacherous
+Ocean--jest think of his tribulations before he started!
+
+Troubles with poverty, and ignorance, and unbelief, and perils by foes,
+and perils by false friends, and perils by long delay.
+
+How for years and years he carried round them strong beliefs of hisen,
+ofttimes in a hungry and faint body, and couldn't git nobody to believe
+in 'em--couldn't git nobody to even hear about 'em.
+
+Year after year did he toil and endeavor to git somebody to listen to
+his plans, and glowin' hopes.
+
+Year after year, while the lines deepened on his patient face, and the
+hopes that wuz glowin' and eager became deep and fervent, and a part of
+him.
+
+How strange, how strange and sort o' pitiful, this one man out of a
+world full of men and wimmen, this one man with his tired feet on the
+dust and worn sand of the Old World, and his head and heart in the New
+World.
+
+No one else of the world full of men and wimmen to believe as he did--no
+one else to be even willin' to hear him talk about his dreams, his
+hopes, and impassioned beliefs.
+
+No; and I don't know but Columbus would have dropped right down in his
+tracts, and we wouldn't have been discovered to this day, if a woman
+hadn't stepped in, and gin the seal of her earnest trust to the ideal of
+the ambitious man.
+
+He a-willin' to plough the new path into the ontried fields, she a-bein'
+willin' to hold the plough, as you may say, or, at all events, to help
+him in every way in her power--with all her womanly faith, and all her
+ear-rings, and breast-pins, etc., etc.
+
+[Illustration: With all her womanly faith, and all her ear-rings and
+breast-pins, etc., etc.]
+
+She, a female woman, out of all that world full of folks, she it wuz
+alone that stood out boldly the friend of Columbus and Discovery.
+
+"Male and female created He them." Another deep instance of that great
+truth in life and in nature, and in all matters relatin' to the good of
+the world. "Male and female created He them."
+
+The world will find it out after awhile, and so will Dr. Buckley.
+
+Ferdinand wuz a good creeter--or that is, middlin' good; but his
+eye-sight wuzn't such as would see down clear through the truth of
+Columbuses theory.
+
+And if folks set out to blame Ferdinand too much, let 'em pause and
+think what the World would say and do if a man should appear in our
+streets to-day, and say that he believed that he had proof that there
+wuz a vast, beautiful country a-layin' in the skies to the west of us
+beyend the clouds of the sunset, and he wanted to git money to build a
+air-ship to sail out to it.
+
+How much money would he git? How much stock would he sell in that
+enterprise? How many men would he git to sail out with him on that
+voyage of Discovery? What would Vanderbilt and Russell Sage say to it?
+
+[Illustration: What would Russell Sage say?]
+
+Why, they would say that the man wuz a fool, and that the only way to
+travel wuz on iron rails or steamships. They would say that there wuzn't
+any such land as he depictered. That it existed only in his crazy brain.
+
+Wall, it wuz jest about as wild a idee that Ferdinand had to listen to;
+I d'no that he wuz any more to blame than they would be for not hearin'
+to it.
+
+But Isabelle, she wuz built different. There wuz some divine atmosphere
+of Truth and Reality about this idee that reached her heart and mind.
+Her soul and mind bein' made in jest the right way to be touched by it.
+
+She, too, wuz built on jest the right plan so she could apprehend what
+she could not yet comprehend. So she gin him her cordial sympathy, and
+also, as I said, her ear-rings, etc.
+
+But after the years and years that he toiled and labored for the means
+to carry out his idees--after these long years of effort and hardship,
+and disappointments and delays--after his first vain efforts--after he
+did at last git launched out on the Ocean a-sailin' out on the broad,
+empty waste in search of sunthin' that he see only in his mind's eye--
+
+How the storms beat on him--how the winds and waves buffeted him, and
+tried to drive him back--but--"No, no, he wuz bound for the New Land! he
+wuz bound for the West!"
+
+How the sailors riz up and plead with him and begged him to turn
+back--but "No," sez he, "I go to the New Land!"
+
+Then they would tell him that there wuzn't any such Land, and stick to
+it right up and down, and jeer at him.
+
+Did it turn him round--"No! I sail onward," sez he, "I go to the West!"
+
+Then the principalities and powers of the onseen World seemed to take it
+in hand and tried to drive him back. There wuz signs and omens seen that
+wuz reckoned disastrous, and threatened destruction.
+
+Mebby the souls of them who had passed over from the New Land, mebby
+them disembodied faithful shades wuz a-tryin' to save their free sunny
+huntin' grounds from the hands of the invader, and their race from the
+fate that threatened 'em--mebby they hurled onseen tommyhawks, and
+shrieked down at 'em, tryin' to turn 'em back--
+
+Mebby they did, and then agin mebby they didn't.
+
+But anyway, there wuz lurid lightin' flashes that looked like flights of
+fiery arrows aimed at the heads of the Spanish seamen, and shriekin's of
+the tempest amidst the sails overhead that sounded like cries of anger,
+and distress, and warnin'.
+
+Did Columbus heed them fearful warnin's and turn back? No; dauntless and
+brave, a-facin' dangers onseen, as well as seen, he sez--
+
+"I sail onward!"
+
+And so he did, and he sailed, and he sailed--and mebby his own brave
+heart grew sick and faint with lookin' on the trackless waste of waters
+round him, and no shore in sight for days, and for days, and for days.
+
+But if it did, he give no signs of it--"I sail onward!" he sez.
+
+And finally the lookout way up on the dizzy mast see a light way off on
+the horizon, and then the night came down dark, and when the sun wuz riz
+up--lo! right before 'em lay the shores of the New World. And the Man's
+and the Woman's belief wuz proved true--and the gainsayin' World wuz
+proved wrong. Success had come to 'em.
+
+And after the doubt, and the danger, and the despair, and the
+discouragement had all been endured--after the ideal had been made real,
+why then it wuz considered quite easy to discover a New World.
+
+It wuzn't considered very hard. Why, all you had to do wuz to sail on
+till you come to it.
+
+After a thing is done it is easy enough.
+
+Nowadays we are sot down before as great conundrums as Columbus wuz. The
+Old World groans under old abuses, and wrongs, and injustices. The old
+paths are dusty and worn with the feet of them who have marked its rocks
+and chokin' sands with their bleedin' feet, as they toiled on over 'em
+bearin' their crosses.
+
+Dark clouds hang heavy over their paths--the atmosphere is chokin' and
+stiflin'.
+
+Fur off, fresh and fair, lays the New Land of our ideal. The realm of
+peace, and justice to all, of temperance, and sanity, and love and joy.
+
+Fur off, fur off, we hear the melodious swash of its waves on its green
+banks--we see fur off the gleam of its white, glory-lit mountain-tops.
+
+Men have gin their strength and their lives for this ideal, this vision
+of glory and freedom.
+
+Wimmen have took their jewels from their bosom, and gin 'em to this
+cause of Human Right. Gin 'em with breakin' hearts, and white lips that
+tried to smile, as the last kiss of lover and son, husband and brother,
+rested on 'em.
+
+Yes, men and wimmen both have seen that Ideal Land, that New Land of
+Liberty and Love. They have apprehended it with finer senses than
+comprehension--have seen it with the clearer light of the soul's eyes.
+
+Some green boughs from its high palms have been washed out on the
+swellin' waves that lay between us and that Land, and floated to our
+feet. Sometimes, when the air wuz very still and hushed, and a Presence
+seemed broodin' on the rapt listnin' earth, we have looked fur, fur up
+into the clear depths of blue above us, and we have ketched the distant
+glimpse of birds of strange plumage onknown to this Old World. Fur off,
+fur off their silvery wings have floated, a-comin' from the West, from
+the land that lays beyend the sunset's golden glory.
+
+Some of the light of that New Country has shone on us in inspired eyes,
+some of its strange language has been hearn by us from inspired lips.
+
+But oh! the wide, pathless sea that lays between us and that land of
+full Fruition and Glory and Freedom.
+
+Shall we set down on the shores of our Old World, and give up the hope
+and glory of the New? Shall we listen to the jeers and sneers of them
+that tell us that there hain't any such country as that we look
+for--that it is impossible, that it is aginst all the laws of
+Nater--that it don't exist, and never can, only in our crazed brains?
+
+No, we will man the boat, though the waves dash high, and the skies are
+dark--we will man and woman the life-boat--side by side will the two
+great forces stand, the Motherhood and the Fatherhood, Love and Justice,
+the hope and strength of Humanity shall stand at the hellum. The wind is
+a-comin' up; it is only a light breeze now, but it shall rise to a
+strong power that shall waft us on to the New Land of Justice and Purity
+and Liberty--for all that our souls long for.
+
+But we have got to shet our eyes to the outward world that presses round
+us closter than the streets of Genoa did round Columbus. We have got to
+see things invisible, trust in things to come--sail onwards through the
+doubts, and the darkness, and the dangers round us, not heeding the
+jeers and sneers of a gainsayin' world.
+
+Will we be discouraged and drove back by the powers of darkness? by the
+things seen and the things onseen?
+
+No, the man and the woman side by side will sail on through them rough
+waves. The wind is a-comin' up fresh and free that shall spread the
+sails and waft the life-boat into the Land of Promise.
+
+For the word is sure, and He says--
+
+"I will bring you out into a great place."
+
+But I am a-eppisodin', and a-eppisodin' to a length and depth almost
+onpresidented and onheard on--and to resoom, and go on.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+
+Hain't it curious how tellin' over a thing will bring back all of the
+circumstances a-surroundin' of it round--bring 'em all up fresh to you.
+
+I wuz a-tellin' Krit about that Equinomical Counsel that wuz held to
+Washington, D.C. And though I hain't no hand and never wuz to find one
+word of fault with my dear companion to outsiders, still, as he wuz all
+in the family, I did say that his Uncle wuz at one time very anxious to
+go to it.
+
+And after Krit went away--he had come over from Tirzah Ann's that day,
+and staid to supper with us--I sot there alone, for Josiah had took him
+back in the democrat, and all the circumstances of that time come back
+onto me agin.
+
+It wuz on a Monday that I had my worst trial with him about that
+Equinomical Counsel, as I remember well. And though I didn't tell Krit
+any of my worst tribulations with him, still, oh, how vivid they did
+come back to me, as I sot there alone, and a-seamin' two and two!
+
+As I say, it wuz on a Monday morning. The two children had invited their
+Pa and me to visit a good deal durin' the week before, and I had got
+kind a behindhand with my work.
+
+And then I had felt so kinder mauger for a few days, that Josiah
+insisted that I should git a young girl in the neighborhood to help me
+for a few days, Philury and Ury bein' away on a visit to some relations.
+
+Wall, that day I had washin', bakin', churnin', and some fruit cake to
+make.
+
+It fairly made me ache to think on't, the numbers and amounts of the
+work that pressed onto me, and nobody but that young girl to help me.
+And she that took up with her bo, Almanzo Hagidone, that she wuz in a
+forgitful state more'n half the time, and liable to carry a armful of
+wood meant for the kitchen stove into the parlor, and put it end first
+onto the what-not, or pump water into Josiah's hat instead of the
+water-pail.
+
+I tried to instil some common sense into her head, but her hair wuz
+bound up that tight with curl papers that nothin' could git past that
+ambuscade, so it would seem, but jest the image and the idee of Almanzo
+Hagidone.
+
+Wall, I kep her pretty much in the wood-shed, when she wuz in her worst
+stages, where there wuzn't much besides the old cook-stove and wash-tubs
+that she could graze aginst and fall over.
+
+I dast as well die as to trust her with vittles, for I felt that them
+wuz vital pints, and must not be meddled with by loonaticks or idiots,
+and with them two ranks I had to stand Mary Ann Spink in her most
+love-sick spazzums.
+
+So I sot her to rubbin' onto Josiah's shirts, and I took my bowl of
+raisins and English currants and things into the kitchen and sot down
+calmly to pickin' 'em over and choppin' 'em.
+
+My fruit cake is good, though I say it that ort not to; it is widely
+known and admired.
+
+Wall, I sot there middlin' calm, and a-hummin' over a sam tune loud
+enough so's Mary Ann could hear it; and I hummed it, too, in a strictly
+moral way, and for a pattern; it was this:
+
+"Put not your trust in mortal man,
+Set not your hopes on him," etc., etc., etc.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+And I see I wuz impressin' of her, for I could hear after a while from
+the wood-shed that she too had broke forth in song, and she was a-jinin'
+in, low and dretful impressive, with--
+
+"Hark from the tombs a mournful sound."
+
+I don't think she meant my singin'--Josiah did when we talked it over
+afterwards.
+
+He believed it firm.
+
+I believe I wuz a-moralizin' of her, and should have done good if I
+hadn't been broke in on.
+
+But all of a sudden Josiah Allen fairly bust into the house, all wrought
+up, and fearful excited.
+
+He had been a-talkin' with Deacon Henzy out by the gate, and I spoze
+Deacon Henzy had disseminated some new news to him. But anyway he wuz
+crazy with a wild and startlin' idee.
+
+[Illustration: A-talkin' with Deacon Henzy.]
+
+He wanted to set off to once to the Equinomical Counsel, which he said
+wuz a-goin' to be held by the male Methodists in Washington, D.C. And,
+sez he--
+
+"Samantha, git my fine shirt and my best necktie to once, for I want to
+start on the noon train."
+
+"What for?" sez I coldly; for I discourage his wild projects all I can.
+
+I have to act like a heavy weight in a clock movin' half the time, or he
+would be jest swept to and frow like a pendulum. It makes me feel queer.
+
+Sez I, "What are you a-layin' out to set off for Washington, D.C., for?"
+
+My tone kinder hung on to him, and stiddied him down some. And he lost
+some of his wild and excited mean. And he stopped onbuttonin' his
+vest--he had onbuttoned his shirt-collar and took his old necktie off on
+his way from the gate--so ardent and impulsive is my dear pardner, and
+so anxious to start.
+
+"Why," sez he, "I told you, didn't I? I am goin' to Washington to tend
+to that Equinomical Counsel. Five hundred male men are a-goin' to git
+together to counsel together on the best ways of bein' equinomical. And
+here at last"--sez he proudly--"here at last is the chance I have always
+been a-lookin' out for. Here is the opportunity for me to show off, and
+be somebody."
+
+And here he begun agin to onbutton his shirt-sleeves and loosen his
+collar.
+
+But I sez slowly and firmly, and as much like a heavy weight as I
+could--
+
+"It is three hours to train time. Set down and act like a human bein'
+and a Methodist, and tell me what it is you want to do."
+
+He glanced up at the clock onto the mantlery-piece, and he see I wuz
+right about the time. And he sot down, and sez he--
+
+"That is jest how I want to act, like a Methodist, and a equinomical
+counsellor."
+
+"What for?" sez I. "What do you want to do?"
+
+"Why, to teach 'em," sez he. "To show myself off. To counsel 'em."
+
+"To counsel 'em about what?" sez I heavily, bein' bound to come to the
+bottom of the matter, and the sense on't, if sense there wuz in it.
+
+"Why," sez he, "they are havin' a counsel there to see if there are any
+new ways for men and Methodists to be equinomical. And I'll be dumned if
+there is a man or a Methodist from Maine to Florida that can counsel 'em
+better about bein' equinomical than I can.
+
+"Why, you have always said so," sez he. "You have called it tightness,
+but I have always known that it wuz pure economy; and now," sez he, "has
+come the chance of a lifetime, for me to rise up and show myself off
+before the nation. To git the high, lofty name that I ort to have, and
+do good."
+
+I dropped my choppin' knife out of my hand, and rested my elbow on the
+table, and leaned my head on my hand in deep thought.
+
+I see he had more sense on his side than I thought he had. I recollected
+the different and various ways in which he had showed his equinomical
+tightness sence our married life begun, and I trembled for the result.
+
+I ruminated over our early married life, and how, in spite of his words
+of almost impassioned tenderness and onwillingness for me to harm and
+strain myself by approachin' the political pole--still how he had let me
+wrestle with weighty hop-poles and draw water out of a deep well with a
+cistern pole for more'n fourteen years.
+
+I remembered how he had nearly flooded out his own precious and valuable
+insides at Saratoga by his wild efforts to git the full worth of the
+five cents he had advanced to the Spring-tender.
+
+I remembered the widder's mite, how he had interpreted that scriptural
+incident about that noble female--as interpreters will, to suit their
+own idees as males--and how I had argued with him in vain on the mite,
+and his onscriptural and equinomical views.
+
+I felt that he had a strong and powerful case; and though I could not
+brook the idee of his goin', still I thought that I must be as wise as a
+serpent and as harmless as a turkle-dove, to git the victory over him.
+
+He see by the fluckuations of color on my usially calm cheek, and by the
+pensive and thoughtful look in my two gray orbs, that I felt the
+strength and powerfulness of his cause.
+
+And as he mused, he begun in joyous and triumphant axents to bring up
+before me some of his latest and most striking instances of equinomical
+tightness.
+
+Sez he, "Do you remember the case of Sy Biddlecomb, and them green
+pumpkins of mine, how I--" But I interrupted his almost fervid
+eloquence, and sez I, with my right hand extended in a real eloquent
+wave,
+
+"Pause, Josiah Allen, and less consider and weigh things in the
+balances. Go not too fast, less disapintment attend your efforts, and
+mortification wrops you in its mantilly.
+
+"Your equinomical ways, Josiah Allen," sez I, "it seems to me ort to
+rize you up above every other man on the face of the globe, and make a
+lion of you of the first magnitude, even a roarin' African lion, as it
+were."
+
+He looked proud and happy, and I proceeded.
+
+"But pause for one moment," sez I, in tender, cautious axents, "and
+think of the power, the tremendious econimy of the males you are
+a-tryin' to emulate and outdo. Think of how they have dealt with the
+cause of wimmen's liberty for the past few years, and tremble. How dast
+you, one weak man, though highly versed in the ways of equinomical
+tightness--how dast you to try and set up and be anybody amid that
+host?"
+
+He looked skairt. He see what he wuz a-doin' plainer than he had seen
+it, and I went on:
+
+"Think of that big Methodist Conference in New York a few years ago that
+Casper Keeler told us about--think how equinomical they wuz with their
+dealin's with wimmen on that occasion, and ever sence.
+
+"The wimmen full of good doin's and alms deeds, who make up two thirds
+of the church, who raise the minister's salary, run the missionary and
+temperance societies, teach the Sabbath schools, etc., etc., etc.--
+
+"Who give the best of their lives and thoughts to the meetin'-house from
+the time they sell button-hole bokays at church fairs in pantalettes,
+till they hand in their widder's mite with tremblin' fingers wrinkled
+with age--think of this econimy in not givin' in, not givin' a mite of
+justice and right to the hull caboodle of such wimmen throughout the
+length and breadth of the country, and then think where would your very
+closest and tightest counsel of econimy stand by the side of this
+econimy of right, and manliness, and honor, and common sense."
+
+He quailed. His head sunk on his breast. He knew, tight as he had always
+been, there wuz a height of tightness he had never scaled. He knew he
+couldn't show off at that Equinomical Counsel by the side of them
+instances I had brung up, and to deepen the impression I had made, which
+is always the effort of the great oriter, I resoomed:
+
+"Think of how they keep up their econimy of justice, and right, and
+common sense, so afraid to use a speck of 'em, especially the common
+sense. Think of how they refused to let wimmen set down meekly in a
+humble pew, and say 'Yea' in a still small voice as a delegate, so
+'fraid that it wuz outstrippin' wimmen's proper spear--when these very
+ministers have been proud to open their very biggest meetin'-housen to
+wimmen, and let 'em teach 'em to be eloquent--let wimmen speak words of
+help and wisdom from their highest pulpits.
+
+"Think of this instance of their equinomical doin's," sez I, "and
+tremble. And," sez I, still more impressively and eloquently, "what is
+pumpkins by the side of that?"
+
+His head sunk down lower, and lower. He wuz dumbfoundered to think he
+had been outdone in his most vital parts, his most tightest ways. He
+felt truly that even if they would listen to his equinomical counsels,
+they didn't need 'em.
+
+He looked pitiful and meek, and sot demute for a couple of minutes. I
+see that I had convinced him about the Equinomical Counsel; he see that
+it wouldn't do, and he wouldn't make no more show than a underlin'.
+
+But anon, or about that time, he spoke out in pitiful axents--
+
+"Samantha, if I can't show off any at the Equinomical Counsel, I'd love
+to see them male law-makers a-settin' in the Capitol at Washington,
+D.C. I'd love to mingle with 'em, Samantha. You know, and I know, too,
+that I am one of 'em. Wuzn't I chose arbitrator in Seth Meezik's quarrel
+with his father-in-law? Hain't I sot on juries in the past, and hain't I
+liable to set?
+
+"I want to see them male law-makers, Samantha. I want to be intimate
+with 'em."
+
+I almost trembled. I can withstand my pardner's angry or excited moods,
+but here I see pleadin' and longin'; I see I had a hard job in front of
+me. I hate to dissapint him. I hate to, like a dog. But duty nerved me,
+and I sez--
+
+"Josiah, less talk it over before you decide to go. Less bring up some
+of the laws them males have made, or allow to go on.
+
+"I want to talk to you about 'em, Josiah," sez I, "before I let you
+depart to be intimate with 'em." Sez I, "Do you remember the old adage,
+a dog is known by the company he keeps? Before you go to be one of them
+dogs, Josiah Allen, and be known as one of 'em, less recall some of the
+lawful incidents of a few months back." Sez I, "We won't raise our
+skirts and wade back into history to any great depth, and hove out a
+large quantity of 'em, but will keep in the shaller water of a few short
+fleetin' months, and pick up one or two of the innumerable number of
+'em; and then, if you want to go, why--" sez I, in the tremblin' axents
+of fond affection--"why, I will pack your saddle-bags."
+
+Then I went on calmly and brung up a few laws and laid 'em down before
+him.
+
+I brung up the Indians doin's, the Mormons, the Chinese, all on 'em
+flagrant.
+
+But still he had that longin' look on his face.
+
+Then I brung up the rotten political doin's, the unjust laws prevailin'
+in regard to female wimmen, and also the onrighteousness of the liquor
+laws and the abomination of the license question; I talked powerful and
+eloquent on them awful themes, but as I paused a minute for needed
+breath, he murmured--
+
+"I want to be intimate with 'em, Samantha."
+
+And then, bein' almost at my wits' end, I dropped the general
+miscellaneous way I had used, and begun to bring up little separate
+instances of the injustices of the Law. And I see he begun to be
+impressed.
+
+How true it is that, from the Bible down to Josiah Allen's Wife, you
+have to talk in stories in order to impress the masses! You have to hold
+up the hammer of a personal incident to drive home the nail of Truth and
+have it clench and hold fast.
+
+But mine wuz some different--mine wuz facts, every one of 'em.
+
+I could have brung them to that man and laid 'em down in front of him
+from that time, almost half past ten a.m., and kep stiddy at it till ten
+p.m., and then not know that I had took any from the heap, so high and
+lofty is the stack of injustices and wrongs committed in the name of the
+Law and shielded by its mantilly.
+
+But I had only brung up two, jest two of 'em; not the most flagrant
+ones either, but the first ones that come into my mind, jest as it is
+when you go to a pile of potatoes to git some for dinner, you take the
+first ones you come to, knowin' there is fur bigger ones in the pile.
+
+But them potatoes smashed up with cream and butter are jest as
+satisfyin' as if they wuz bigger.
+
+So these little truthful incidents laid down in front of my pardner
+convinced him; so they wuz jest as good for me to use as if I had picked
+out bigger and more flagranter ones.
+
+I first brung up before him the case of the good little Christian
+school-teacher who had toiled for years at her hard work and laid up a
+little money, and finally married a sick young feller more'n half out of
+pity, for he hadn't a cent of money, and had the consumption, and took
+good care of him till he died.
+
+And wantin' to humor him, she let him make his will, though he didn't so
+much as own the sheet of paper he wrote on, or the ink or the pen.
+
+And after his death she found he had willed away their onborn child, and
+when it wuz a few months old, and her love had sent out its strong
+shoots, and wropped the little life completely round, his brother she
+had never seen come on from his distant home and took that baby right
+out of its mother's arms, and bore it off, accordin' to law.
+
+I looked curiously at him as I concluded this true tale, but he murmured
+almost mechanically--
+
+"I want to mingle with 'em, Samantha; I feel that I want to be intimate
+with 'em."
+
+But his axent wuz weak, weak as a cat, and I felt that my efforts wuz
+not bein' throwed away. So I hurriedly laid holt of another true
+incident that I thought on, and hauled it up in front of him.
+
+"Think of the case of the pretty Chinese girl of twelve years--jest the
+age of our Tirzah Ann, when you used to be a-holdin' her on your knee,
+and learnin' her the Sunday-school lesson, and both on us a-kissin' her,
+and a-brushin' back her hair from her sweet May-day face, and a-pettin'
+her, and a-holdin' her safe in our heart of hearts.
+
+"Jest think of that little girl bein' sold for a slave by her rich male
+father, and brought to San Francisco, the home of the brave and the
+free, and there put into a place which she thought wuz fur worse than
+the bottomless pit--for that she considered wuz jest clean brimstone,
+and despair, and vapory demons.
+
+"But this child, with five or six other wimmen, wuz put into a sickenin'
+den polluted with every crime, and subject to the brutal passions of a
+crowd of live, dirty human devils.
+
+"And when, half dead from her dreadful life, she ran away at the peril
+of her life, and wuz taken in by a charitable woman, and nursed back to
+life and sanity agin.
+
+"The law took that baby out of that safe refuge, and give her back into
+the hands of her brutal master--took her back, knowin' the life she
+would be compelled to lead.
+
+"Think if it wuz our Tirzah Ann, Josiah Allen!"
+
+"Dum the dum fools!" sez he, a chokin' some, and then he pulled out his
+bandanna handkerchief and busted right out a-cryin' onto it.
+
+[Illustration: "Dum 'em, I say!"]
+
+"Dum 'em, I say!" sez he, out of its red and yeller depths. "I'd love to
+skin the hull on 'em, Judge and Jury."
+
+And I sez meanin'ly, "Now, do you want to go and be intimate with them
+law-makers, Josiah Allen?"
+
+"No," sez he, a-wipin' his eyes and a-lookin' mad, "no, I don't! I want
+sunthin' to eat!"
+
+And I riz up imegatly, and got a good dinner--a extra good one. And he
+never said another word about goin' to Washington, D.C.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+
+There wuz sights and sights of talk in Jonesville and the adjacent and
+surroundin' world about the World's Fair bein' open on Sundays.
+
+There wuz sights and sights of fightin' back and forth about the rights
+and the wrongs of it.
+
+And there wuz some talk about the saloons bein' open too, bein' open
+week days and Sundays.
+
+But, of course, there wuzn't so much talk about that; it seemed to be
+all settled from the very first on't that the saloons wuz a-goin' to be
+open the hull of the time--that they must be.
+
+Why, it seemed to be understood that drunkards had to be made and kep
+up; murderers, and asassins, and thieves, and robbers, and law-breakers
+of every kind, and fighters, and wife-beaters, and arsons, and rapiners,
+and child-killers had to be made. That wuz neccessary, and considered so
+from the first. For if this trade wuz to stop for even one day out of
+the seven, why, where would be the crimes and casualities, the cuttin's
+up and actin's, the murders and the suicides, to fill up the Sunday
+papers with?
+
+And to keep the police courts full and a-runnin' over with business, and
+the prisons, and jails, and reformatorys full of victims, and the
+morgues full of dead bodies.
+
+No; the saloons had to be open Sundays; that wuz considered as almost a
+settled thing from the very first on't.
+
+Why, the nation must have considered it one of the neccessarys, or it
+wouldn't have gone into partnership with 'em, and took part of the pay.
+
+But there wuz a great and almost impassioned fight a-goin' on about
+havin' the World's Fair, the broad gallerys of art and beauty, bein'
+open to the public Sunday.
+
+Lots of Christian men and wimmen come right out and said, swore right up
+and down that if Christopher Columbus let folks come to his doin's on
+Sunday they wouldn't go to it at all.
+
+I spoze mebby they thought that this would skare Christopher and make
+him gin up his doin's, or ruther the ones that wuz a-representin' him to
+Chicago.
+
+They did talk fearfully skareful, and calculated to skare any man that
+hadn't went through with what Christopher had. They said that ruther
+than have the young people who would be gathered there from the four
+ends of the earth--ruther than have these innocent young creeters
+contaminated by walkin' through them rooms and lookin' at them wonders
+of nature and art, why, they had ruther not have any Fair at all.
+
+Why, I read sights and sights about it, and hearn powerful talk, and
+immense quantities of it.
+
+And one night I hearn the most masterly and convincin' arguments brung
+up on both sides--arguments calculated to make a bystander wobble first
+one way and then the other, with the strength and power of 'em.
+
+It wuz at a church social held to Miss Lums, and a number of us had got
+there early, and this subject wuz debated on before the minister got
+there.
+
+Deacon Henzy wuz the one who give utterance to the views I have
+promulgated.
+
+He said right out plain, "That no matter how keen the slight would be
+felt, he shouldn't attend to it if it wuz open Sunday." He said "that
+the country would be ruined if it took place."
+
+"Yes," sez Miss Cornelius Cork, "you are right, Deacon Henzy. I wouldn't
+have Cornelius Jr. go to Chicago if the Fair is open Sundays, not for a
+world full of gold. For," sez she, "I feel as if it would be the ruin of
+him."
+
+And then sister Arvilly Lanfear (she is always on the contrary side),
+sez she--"Why?"
+
+"Why?" sez Miss Cork. "You ask why? You a woman and a perfessor?"
+
+"Yes," sez Arvilly--"why?"
+
+Sez Miss Cork, "It would take away all his reverence for the Sabbath,
+and the God who appointed that holy day of rest. His morals would be all
+broke up, and he would be a ruined boy. I expect that he will be there
+two months--that would make eight days of worldliness and wickedness;
+and I feel that long enough before the eighth day had come his
+principles would be underminded, and his morals all tottered and broke
+down."
+
+"Why?" sez Arvilly. "There hain't any wickedness a-goin' on to the Fair
+as I know of; it is a goin' to be full and overflowin' of object lessons
+a teachin' of the greatness and the glory of the Lord of Heaven, and the
+might and power of the human intellect. Wonders of Heaven, and wonders
+of earth, and I don't see how they would be apt to ruin and break down
+anybody's morals a-contemplatin' 'em--not if they wuz sound when they
+begun.
+
+"It seems to me it would make 'em have ten times the reverence they had
+before--reverence and awe and worshipful love for the One, the great
+and loving mind that had thought out all these marvels of beauty and
+grandeur and spread 'em out for His children's happiness and
+instruction."
+
+"Oh, yes," sez Miss Cork. "On week days it is a exaltin' and upliftin'
+and dreadful religious sight; but on Sundays it is a crime to even think
+on it. Sundays should be kep pure and holy and riz up, and I wouldn't
+have Cornelius desecrate himself and the Sabbath by goin' to the Fair
+not for a world full of gold."
+
+"Where would he go Sundays while he wuz in Chicago if he didn't go
+there?" sez Arville.
+
+She is real cuttin' sometimes, Arville is, but then Miss Cork loves to
+put on Arville, and twit her of her single state, and kinder act
+high-headed and throw Cornelius in her face, and act.
+
+Sez Arville--"Where would Cornelius Jr. go if he didn't go to the Fair?"
+
+Cornelius Jr. drinks awful and is onstiddy, and Miss Cork hemmed and
+hawed, and finally said, in kind of a meachin' way--
+
+"Why, to meetin', of course."
+
+He hadn't been in a meetin'-house for two years, and we all knew it,
+and Miss Cork knew that we knew it--hence the meach.
+
+"He don't go to meetin' here to Jonesville," sez Arville.
+
+[Illustration: "He don't go to meetin' here."]
+
+It wuz real mean in her, but I spoze it wuz to pay Miss Cork off for her
+aggravatin'.
+
+And she went on, "I live right acrost the road from Fasset's saloon, and
+I see him and more'n a dozen other Jonesvillians there most every
+Sunday.
+
+"Goin' to Chicago hain't a-goin' to born a man agin, and change all
+their habits and ways to once, and I believe if Cornelius Jr. didn't go
+to the Fair he would go to worse places."
+
+"Well," sez Miss Cornelius Cork, "if he did, I wouldn't have to bear the
+sin. I feel that it is my duty to lift my voice and my strength aginst
+the Sunday openin' of the Fair, and even if the boys did go to worse
+places, my conscience would be clear; the sin wouldn't rest on my head."
+
+Sez Arville, "That is the very way I have heard wimmen talk who burned
+up their boys' cards, and checker-boards, and story-books, and drove
+their children away from home to find amusement.
+
+"They wanted the boys to set down and read the Bible and sam books year
+in and year out, but they wouldn't do it, for there wuz times when the
+young blood in 'em riz up and clamered for recreation and amusement,
+and seein' that they couldn't git it at home, under the fosterin' care
+of their father and mother, why, they looked for it elsewhere, and found
+it in low saloons and bar-rooms, amongst wicked and depraved companions.
+And then, when their boys turned out gamblers and drunkards, they would
+say that their consciences wuz clear.
+
+"But," says Arville, "that hain't the way the Lord done. He used Sundays
+and week days to tell stories to the multitude, to amuse 'em, draw 'em
+by the silken cord of fancy towards the true and the right, draw 'em
+away from the bad towards the good. And if I had ten boys--"
+
+"Which you hain't no ways likely to have," says Miss Cork; "no, indeed,
+you hain't."
+
+"No, thank Heaven! there hain't no chance on't. But if I had ten boys I
+would ruther have 'em wanderin' through them beautiful halls, full of
+the wonders of the world which the Lord made and give to His children
+for their amusement and comfort--I would ruther have 'em there than to
+have 'em help swell a congregation of country loafers in a city
+saloon--learnin' in one day more lessons in the height and depth of
+depravity than years of country livin' would teach 'em.
+
+"These places, and worse ones, legalized places of devils' pastime, will
+lure and beckon the raw youth of the country. They will flaunt their
+gaudy attractions on every side, and appeal to every sense but the sense
+of decency.
+
+"And I would feel fur safer about the hull ten of 'em, if I knew they
+wuz safe in the art galleries, full of beauty and sublimity, drawin'
+their minds and hearts insensibly and in spite of themselves upward and
+onward, or lookin' at the glory and wonders of practical and mechanical
+beauty--the beauty of use and invention.
+
+"After walkin' through a buildin' forty-five acres big, and some more of
+'em about as roomy, I should be pretty sure that they wouldn't git out
+of it in time to go any great lengths in sin that day; and they would be
+apt to be too fagged out and dead tired to foller on after Satan any
+great distance."
+
+"Well," says Miss Snyder, "I d'no but I should feel safer about my Jim
+and John to have 'em there in the Fair buildin's than runnin' loose in
+the streets of Chicago. They won't go to meetin' every Sunday, and I
+can't make 'em; and if they do go, they will go in the mornin' late, and
+git out as soon as the Amen is said.
+
+"My boys are as good as the average--full as good; but I know when they
+hain't got anything to do, and git with other boys, they will cut up and
+act."
+
+"Well," says Miss Cornelius Cork, "I know that my Cornelius will never
+disgrace himself or me by any low acts."
+
+She wuz tellin' a big story, for Cornelius Jr. had been carried home
+more'n once too drunk to walk, besides other mean acts that wuz worse;
+so we didn't say anything, but we all looked queer; and Arville kinder
+sniffed, and turned up her nose, and nudged Miss Snyder. But Miss Cork
+kep right on--she is real high-headed and conceited, Miss Cork is.
+
+And, sez she, "Much as I want to see the Fair, and much as I want
+Cornelius and Cornelius Jr. to go to it, and the rest of the country, I
+would ruther not have it take place at all than to have it open
+Sundays."
+
+"And I feel jest so," sez Miss Henzy.
+
+Then young Lihu Widrig spoke up. He is old Elihu Widrig's only son, and
+he has been off to college, and is home on a vacation.
+
+He is dretful deep learnt, has studied Greek and lots of other languages
+that are dead, and some that are most dead.
+
+He spoke up, and sez he:
+
+"What is this Sabbath, anyway?"
+
+We didn't any of us like that, and we showed we didn't by our means. We
+didn't want any of his new-fangled idees, and we looked high-headed at
+him and riz up.
+
+But he kep right on, bein' determined to have his say.
+
+"You can foller the Sabbath we keep right back, straight as a string, to
+planet worship. Before old Babylon ever riz up at all, to say nothin' of
+fallin', the dwellers in the Euphrates Valley kep a Sabbath. They spozed
+there wuz seven planets, and one day wuz give to each of them. And
+Saturday, the old Jewish Sabbath, wuz given to Saturn, cruel as ever he
+could be if the ur in his name wuz changed to e. In those days it wuz
+not forbidden to work in that day, but supposed to be unlucky.
+
+"Some as Ma regards Friday."
+
+It wuz known that Miss Widrig wouldn't begin a mite of work Fridays, not
+even hemin' a towel or settin' up a sock or mitten.
+
+And, sez he, "When we come down through history to the Hebrews, we find
+it a part of the Mosaic law, the Ten Commandments.
+
+"In the second book of the Bible we find the reason given for keeping
+the Sabbath is, the Lord rested on that day. In the fifth book we find
+the reason given is the keeping of a memorial for the deliverance out
+of Egypt.
+
+"Now this commandment only forbids working on that day; no matter what
+else you do, you are obeying the fourth commandment. According to that
+command, you could go to the World's Fair, or wherever you had a mind
+to, if you did not work.
+
+"The Puritan Sabbath wuz a very different one from that observed by
+Moses and the Prophets, which wuz mainly a day of rest."
+
+"Wall, I know," sez Miss Yerden, "that the only right way to keep the
+Sabbath is jest as we do, go to meetin' and Sunday-school, and do jest
+as we do."
+
+Sez Lihu, "Maybe the people to whom the law wuz delivered didn't
+understand its meaning so well as we do to-day, after the lapse of so
+many centuries, so well as you do, Miss Yerden."
+
+We all looked coldly at Lihu; we didn't approve of his talk. But Miss
+Yerden looked tickled, she is so blind in her own conceit, and Lihu
+spoke so polite to her, she thought he considered her word as goin'
+beyend the Bible.
+
+Then Lophemia Pegrum spoke up, and sez she--
+
+"Don't you believe in keeping the Sabbath, Lihu?"
+
+"Yes, indeed, I do," sez he, firm and decided. "I do believe in it with
+all my heart. It is a blessed break in the hard creakin' roll of the
+wheel of Labor, a needed rest--needed in every way for tired and
+worn-out brain and muscle, soul and body; but I believe in telling the
+truth," sez he.
+
+He always wuz a very truthful boy--born so, we spoze. Almost too
+truthful at times, his ma used to think. She used to have to whip him
+time and agin for bringin' out secret things before company, such as
+borrowed dishes, and runnin's of other females, and such.
+
+So we wuz obliged to listen to his remarks with a certain amount of
+respect, for we knew that he meant every word that he said, and we knew
+that he had studied deep into ancient history, no matter how much
+mistook we felt that he wuz.
+
+But Miss Yerden spoke up, and sez she--
+
+"I don't care whether it is true or not. I have always said, and always
+will say, that if any belief goes aginst the Bible, I had ruther believe
+in the Bible than in the truth any time."
+
+And more than half of us wimmen agreed with her.
+
+You see, so many reverent, and holy, and divine thoughts and memories
+clustered round that book, that we didn't love to have 'em disturbed. It
+wuz like havin' somebody take a spade and dig up the voyalets and lilies
+on the grave of the nearest and dearest, to try to prove sunthin' or
+ruther.
+
+We feel in such circumstances that we had ruther be mistook than to have
+them sweet posies disturbed and desecrated.
+
+Holy words of counsel, and reproof, and consolation delivered from the
+Most High to His saints and prophets--words that are whispered over our
+cradles, and whose truth enters our lives with our mother's milk; that
+sustains us and helps us to bear the hard toils and burdens of the day
+of life, and that go with us through the Valley and the Shadow--the only
+revelation we have of God's will to man, the written testimony of His
+love and compassion, and the only map in which we trace our titles clear
+to a heavenly inheritance.
+
+If errors and mistakes have crept in through the weaknesses of men, or
+if the pages have become blotted by the dust of time, we hated to have
+'em brung out and looked too clost into--we hated to, like a dog.
+
+So we, most all of us, had a fellow feelin' for Miss Yerden, and looked
+approvin' at her.
+
+And Lihu, seein' we looked cold at him, and bein' sensitive, and havin'
+a hard cold, he said "he guessed he would go over to the drug-store and
+git some hoarhoun candy for his cough."
+
+So he went out. And then Miss Cork spoke up, and sez she--
+
+"How it would look in the eyes of the other nations to have us a
+breakin' Sundays after keepin' 'em pure and holy for all these years."
+
+"Pure and holy!" sez Arvilly. "Why, jest look right here in the country,
+and see the way the Sabbath is desecrated. Saturday nights and Sundays
+is the very time for the devil's high jinks. More whiskey and beer and
+hard cider is consumed Saturday nights and Sundays than durin' all the
+rest of the week.
+
+"Why, right in my neighborhood a man who makes cider brandy carrys off
+hull barrels of it most every Saturday, so's to have it ready for Sunday
+consumption.
+
+"The saloons are crowded that day, and black eyes, and bruised bodies,
+and sodden intellects, and achin' hearts are more frequent Sundays than
+any other day of the week, and you know it.
+
+"And after standin' all this desecration calmly for year after year, and
+votin' to uphold it, it don't look consistent to flare up and be so
+dretful afraid of desecratin' the Sabbath by havin' a place of
+education, greater than the world has ever seen or ever will see agin,
+open on the Sabbath for the youth of the land."
+
+"But the nation," sez Miss Henzy, in a skareful voice. "This nation must
+keep up its glorious reputation before the other countries of the world.
+How will it look to 'em to have our Goverment permit such Sunday
+desecration? This is a national affair, and we should not be willin' to
+have our glorious nation do anything to lower itself in the eyes of the
+assembled and envious world."
+
+Sez Arville, "If our nation can countenance such doin's as I have spoke
+of, the man-killin' and brute-makin', all day Sundays, and not only
+permit it, but go into pardnership with it, and take part of the pay--if
+it can do this Sundays, year after year, without bein' ashamed before
+the other nations, I guess it will stand it to have the Fair open."
+
+"But," says Miss Bobbet, "even if it is better for the youth of the
+country, and I d'no but it will be, it will have a bad look to the
+other nations, as Sister Henzy sez--it will look bad."
+
+Says Arville, "That is what Miss Balcomb said about her Ned when she
+wouldn't let him play games to home; she said she didn't care so much
+about it herself, but thought the neighbors would blame her; and Ned got
+to goin' away from home for amusement, and is now a low gambler and
+loafer. I wonder whether she would ruther have kep her boy safe, or made
+the neighbors easy in their minds.
+
+[Illustration: "She wouldn't let her Ned play games at home."]
+
+"And now the neighbors talk as bad agin when they see him a-reelin' by.
+She might have known folks would talk anyway--if they can't run folks
+for doin' things they will run 'em for not doin' 'em--they'll talk every
+time."
+
+"Yes, and don't you forgit it," sez Bub Lum.
+
+But nobody minded Bub, and Miss Cork begun agin on another tact.
+
+"See the Sabbath labor it will cause, the great expenditure of strength
+and labor, to have all them stupendious buildin's open on the Sabbath.
+The onseemly and deafnin' noise and clatter of the machinery, and the
+toil of the men that it will take to run and take care of all the
+departments, and the labor of the poor men who will have to carry
+guests back and forth all day."
+
+"I d'no," sez Arville, "whether it will take so much more work or not;
+it is most of it run by water-power and electricity, and water keeps on
+a-runnin' all day Sunday as well as week days.
+
+"Your mill-dam don't stop, Miss Cork, because it is Sunday."
+
+Miss Cork's house stands right by the dam, and you can't hear yourself
+speak there hardly, so it wuz what you might expect, to have her object
+specially to noise.
+
+Miss Cork kinder tosted her head and drawed down her upper lip in a real
+contemptious way, and Arvilly went on and resoomed:
+
+"And electricity keeps on somewhere a-actin' and behavin'; it don't stop
+Sundays. I have seen worse thunder-storms Sundays, it does seem to me,
+than I ever see week days. And when old Mom Nater sets such a show
+a-goin' Sundays, you have got to tend it, whether you think it is wicked
+or not.
+
+"And as for the work of carryin' folks back and forth to it,
+meetin'-housen have to run by work--hard work, too. Preachin', and
+singin', and ringin' bells, and openin' doors, and lightin' gas, and
+usherin' folks in, and etc., etc., etc.
+
+"And horse-cars and steam-cars have to run to and frow; conductors, and
+brakemen, and firemen, and engineers, and etc., etc.
+
+"And horses have to be harnessed and worked hard, and coachmen, and
+drivers, and men and wimmen have to work hard Sundays. Yes, indeed.
+
+"Now, my sister-in-law, Jane Lanfear, works harder Sundays than any day
+out of the seven. They take a place with thirty cows on it, and she and
+Jim, bein' ambitious, do almost all the work themselves.
+
+"Every Sunday mornin' Jane gets up, and she and Jim goes out and milks
+fifteen cows apiece, and then Jim drives them off to pasture and comes
+back and harnesses up and carries the milk three miles to a cheese
+factory, and comes back and does the other out-door chores.
+
+"And Jane gets breakfast, and gets up the three little children, and
+washes 'em and dresses 'em, and feeds the little ones to the table. And
+after breakfast she does up all her work, washes her dishes and the
+immense milk-cans, sweeps, cleans lamps and stoves, makes beds, etcetry,
+and feeds the chickens, and ducks, and turkeys. And by that time
+it is nine o'clock. Then she hurries round and washes and combs the
+three children, curls the hair of the twin girls, and then gets herself
+into her best clothes, and by that time she is so beat out that she is
+ready to drop down.
+
+"But she don't; she lifts the children into the democrat, climbs her own
+weary form in after 'em, and takes the youngest one in her lap. And Jim,
+havin' by this time got through with his work and toiled into his best
+suit, they drive off, a colt follerin' 'em, and Jim havin' to get out
+more'n a dozen times to head it right, and makin' Jane wild with
+anxiety, for it is a likely colt.
+
+"Wall, they go four milds and a half to the meetin'-house--there hain't
+no Free-well Baptist nearer to 'em, and they are strong in the belief,
+and awful sot on that's bein' the only right way. So they go to
+class-meetin' first, and both talk for quite a length of time; they are
+quite gifted, and are called so. And then they set up straight through
+the sermon, and that Free-well Baptist preaches more'n a hour, hot or
+cold weather, and then they both teach a large class of children, and
+what with takin' care of the three restless children, and their own
+weariness on the start, they are both beat out before they start for
+home. And Jane has a blindin' headache.
+
+"But she must keep up, for she has got to git the three babies home
+safe, and then there is dinner to get, and the dishes to wash, and the
+housework, and the out-door work to tend to, and what with her headache,
+and her tired-out nerves and body, and the work and care of the babies,
+Jane is cross as a bear--snaps everybody up, sets a bad pattern before
+her children and Jim--and, in fact, don't get over it and hain't good
+for anything before the middle of the week.
+
+"The day of rest is the hardest day of the week for her.
+
+"But she told me last night--she come in to get my bask pattern, she is
+anxious to get her parmetty dress done for the World's Fair--but she
+said that she shouldn't go if it wuz open Sunday, for her mind wuz so
+sot on havin' the Sabbath kep strict as a day of rest.
+
+"Now I believe in goin' to meetin' as much as anybody, and always have
+been regular. But I say Jane hain't consistent." (They don't agree.)
+
+Arvilly stopped here a minute for needed breath. Good land! I should
+have thought she would; and Lophemia Pegrum spoke up--she is a dretful
+pretty girl, but very sentimental and romantic, and talks out of poetry
+books. Sez she:
+
+"Another thought: Nature works all the Sabbath day. Flowers bloom, their
+sweet perfume wafts abroad, bees gather the honey from their fragrant
+blossoms, the dews fall, the clouds sail on, the sun lights and warms
+the World, the grass grows, the grain ripens, the fruit gathers the
+sunshine in its golden and rosy globes, the birds sing, the trees
+rustle, the wind blows, the stars rise and set, the tide comes in and
+goes out, the waves wash the beach, and carries the great ships to
+their havens--in fact, Nature keeps her World's Fair open every day of
+the week just alike."
+
+"Yes," sez Miss Eben Sanders--she is always on the side of the last
+speaker--she hain't to be depended on, in argument. But she speaks quite
+well, and is a middlin' good woman, and kind-hearted. Sez she--
+
+"Look at the poor people who work hard all the week and who can't spend
+the time week days to go to this immense educational school.
+
+"Them who have to work hard and steady every working day to keep bread
+in the hands of their families, to keep starvation away from themselves
+and children--clerks, seamstresses, mechanics, milliners, typewriters,
+workers in factories, and shops, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc.
+
+"Children of toil, who bend their weary frames over their toilsome,
+oncongenial labor all the week, with the wolves of Cold and Hunger
+a-prowlin' round 'em, ready to devour them and their children if they
+stop their labor for one day out of the six--
+
+"Think what it would be for these tired-out, beauty-starved white slaves
+to have one day out of the seven to feast their eyes and their hungry
+souls on the _best_ of the World.
+
+"What an outlook it would give their work-blinded eyes! What a blessed
+change it would make in all their dull, narrow, cramped lives! While
+their hands wuz full of work, their quickened fancy would live over
+again the too brief hours they spent in communion with the World's
+best--the gathered beauty and greatness and glory of the earth. Whatever
+their toil and weariness, they _had_ lived for a few hours, their eyes
+_had_ beheld the glory of God in His works."
+
+Miss Cork yawned very deep here, and Miss Sanders blushed and stopped.
+They hain't on speakin' terms. Caused by hens.
+
+And then Miss Cork sez severely--a not noticin' Miss Sanders speech at
+all, but a-goin' back to Arvilly's--she loves to dispute with her, she
+loves to dearly--
+
+"You forgot to mention when you wuz talkin' about Sabbath work connected
+with church-goin' that it wuz to worship God, and it wuz therefore
+right--no matter how wearisome it wuz, it wuz perfectly right."
+
+"Wall, I d'no," sez Arvilly--"I d'no but what some of the beautiful
+pictures and wonderful works of Art and Nature that will be exhibited at
+the World's Fair would be as upliftin' and inspirin' to me as some of
+the sermons I hear Sundays. Specially when Brother Ridley gits to
+talkin' on the Jews, and the old Egyptians.
+
+"It stands to reason that if I could see Pharo's mummy it would bring me
+nearer to him, and them plagues and that wickedness of hisen, than
+Brother Ridley's sermon could.
+
+"And when I looked at a piece of the olive tree under which our Saviour
+sot while He wuz a-weepin' over Jeruesalem or see a wonderful picture of
+the crucifixion or the ascension, wrought by hands that the Lord Himself
+held while they wuz painted--I believe it would bring Him plainer before
+me than Brother Ridley could, specially when he is tizickey, and can't
+speak loud.
+
+"Why, our Lord Himself wuz took to do more than once by the Pharisees,
+and told He wuz breakin' the Sabbath. And He said that the Sabbath wuz
+made for man, and not man for the Sabbath.
+
+"And He said, 'Consider the Lilies'--that is, consider the Lord, and
+behold Him in the works of His hands.
+
+"Brother Ridley is good, no doubt, and it is right to go and hear him--I
+hain't disputed that--but when he tries to bring our thoughts to the
+Lord, he has to do it through his own work, his writin', which he did
+himself with a steel pen. And I d'no as it is takin' the idees of the
+Lord so much at first hand as it is to study the lesson of the Lilies He
+made, and which He loved and admired and told us to consider.
+
+"The World's Fair is full of all the beauty He made, more wonderful and
+more beautiful than the lilies, and I d'no as it is wrong to consider
+'em Sundays or week days."
+
+"But," sez Miss Yerden, "don't you know what the Bible sez--'Forget not
+the assemblin' of yourselves together'?"
+
+[Illustration: Bub Lum.]
+
+"Well," piped up Bub Lum, aged fourteen, and a perfect imp--
+
+"I guess that if the Fair is open Sundays, folks that are there won't
+complain about there not bein' folks enough assembled together. I guess
+they won't complain on't--no, indeed!"
+
+But nobody paid any attention to Bub, and Arvilly continued--
+
+"I believe in usin' some common sense right along, week days and Sundays
+too. It stands to reason that the Lord wouldn't gin us common sense if
+He didn't want us to use it.
+
+"We don't need dyin' grace while we are a livin', and so with other
+things. There will be meetin'-housen left and ministers in 1894, most
+likely, and we can attend to 'em right along as long as we live.
+
+"But this great new open Book of Revelations, full of God's power and
+grace, and the wonderful story of what He has done for us sence He
+wakened the soul of His servant, Columbus, and sent him over the
+troubled ocean to carry His name into the wilderness, and the strength
+and the might He has given to us sence as a nation--
+
+"This great object lesson, full of the sperit of prophecy and
+accomplishment, won't be here but a few short months.
+
+"And I believe if there could be another chapter added to the Bible this
+week, and we could have the Lord's will writ out concernin' it, I
+believe it would read--
+
+"'Go to that Fair. Study its wonderful lessons with awe and reverence.
+Go week days if you can, and if you can't, go Sundays. And you rich
+people, who have art galleries of your own to wander through Sundays,
+and gardens and greenhouses full of beauty and sweetness, and the
+means to seek out loveliness through the world, and who don't need the
+soul refreshment these things give--don't you by any Pharisaical law
+deprive my poor of their part in the feast I have spread for both rich
+and poor.'"
+
+Sez Miss Cork, "I wouldn't dast to talk in that way, Arville. To add or
+diminish one word of skripter is to bring an awful penalty."
+
+"I hain't a-goin' to add or diminish," says Arville. "I hain't thought
+on't. I am merely statin' what, in my opinion, would be the Lord's will
+on the subject."
+
+But right here the schoolmaster struck in. He is a very likely young
+man--smart as a whip, and does well by the school, and makes a stiddy
+practice of mindin' his own business and behavin'.
+
+He is a great favorite and quite good-lookin', and some say that he and
+Lophemia Pegrum are engaged; but it hain't known for certain.
+
+He spoke up, and sez he, "There is one great thing to think of when we
+talk on this matter. There is so much to be said on both sides of this
+subject that it is almost impossible to shut your eyes to the advantages
+and the disadvantages on both sides.
+
+"But," sez he, "if this nation closes the Fair Sundays, it will be a
+great object lesson to the youth of this nation and the world at large
+of the sanctity and regard we have for our Puritan Sabbath--
+
+"Of our determination to not have it turned into a day of amusement, as
+it is in some European countries.
+
+"It would be something like painting up the Ten Commandments and the
+Lord's Prayer in gold letters on the blue sky above, so that all who run
+may read, of the regard we have for the day of rest that God appointed.
+The regard we have for things spiritual, onseen--our conflicts and
+victories for conscience' sake--the priceless heritage for which our
+Pilgrim Fathers braved the onknown sea and wilderness, and our
+forefathers fought and bled for."
+
+"They fit for Liberty!" sez Arville. She would have the last word. "And
+this country, in the name of Religion, has whipped Quakers, and
+Baptists, and hung witches--and no knowin' what it will do agin. And I
+think," sez she, "that it would look better now both from the under and
+upper side--both on earth and in Heaven--to close them murderous and
+damnable saloons, that are drawin' men to visible and open ruin all
+round us on every side, than to take such great pains to impress onseen
+things onto strangers."
+
+She would have the last word--she wuz bound to.
+
+And the schoolmaster, bein' real polite, though he had a look as if he
+wuzn't convinced, yet he bowed kinder genteel to Arvilly, as much as to
+say, "I will not dispute any further with you." And then he got up and
+went over and sot down by Lophemia Pegrum.
+
+And I see there wuz no prospect of their different minds a-comin' any
+nearer together.
+
+And I'll be hanged if I could wonder at it. Why, I myself see things so
+plain on both sides that I would convince myself time and agin both
+ways.
+
+I would be jest as firm as a rock for hours at a time that it would be
+the only right thing to do, to shet up the Fair Sundays--shet it up jest
+as tight as it could be shet.
+
+And then agin, I would argue in my own mind, back and forth, and
+convince myself (ontirely onbeknown to me) that it would be the means of
+doin' more good to the young folks and the poor to have it open.
+
+Why, I had a fearful time, time and agin, a-arguin' and a-disputin'
+with myself, and a-carryin' metafors back and forth, and a-eppisodin',
+when nobody wuz round.
+
+And as I couldn't seem to come to any clear decision myself, a-disputin'
+with jest my own self, I didn't spoze so many different minds would
+become simultanous and agreed.
+
+So I jest branched right off and asked Miss Cork "If she had heard that
+the minister's wife had got the neuralligy."
+
+I felt that neuralligy wuz a safe subject, and one that could be agreed
+on--everybody despised it.
+
+[Illustration: Neuralligy wuz a safe subject.]
+
+And gradual the talk sort o' quieted down, and I led it gradual into
+ways of pleasantness and paths of peace.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+
+Christopher Columbus Allen got along splendid with his railroad
+business, and by the time the rest of us wuz ready for the World's Fair,
+he wuz.
+
+We didn't have so many preparations to make as we would in other
+circumstances, for Ury and Philury wuz goin' to move right into our
+house, and do for it jest as well as we would do for ourselves.
+
+They had done this durin' other towers that we had gone off on, and
+never had we found our confidence misplaced, or so much as a towel or a
+dish-cloth missin'.
+
+We have always done well by them while they wuz workin' for us by the
+week or on shares, and they have always jest turned right round and done
+well by us.
+
+Thomas Jefferson and Maggie went with us. Tirzah Ann and Whitfield
+wuzn't quite ready to go when we did, but they wuz a-comin' later, when
+Tirzah Ann had got all her preperations made--her own dresses done, and
+Whitfield's night-shirts embroidered, and her stockin's knit.
+
+I love Tirzah Ann. But I can't help seein' that she duz lots of things
+that hain't neccessary.
+
+Now it wuzn't neccessary for her to have eleven new dresses made a
+purpose to go to the World's Fair, and three white aprons all worked off
+round the bibs and pockets.
+
+Good land! what would she want of aprons there in that crowd? And she no
+need to had six new complete suits of under-clothes made, all trimmed
+off elaborate with tattin' and home-made edgin' before she went. And it
+wuzn't neccessary for her to knit two pairs of open-work stockin's with
+fine spool thread.
+
+I sez to her, "Tirzah Ann, why don't you buy your stockin's? You can git
+good ones for twenty cents. And," sez I, "these will take you weeks and
+weeks to knit, besides bein' expensive in thread."
+
+But she said "she couldn't find such nice ones to the store--she
+couldn't find shell-work."
+
+"Then," sez I, "I shall go without shell-work."
+
+But she said, "They wuz dretful ornamental to the foot, specially to the
+instep, and she shouldn't want to go without 'em."
+
+"But," sez I, "who is a-goin' to see your instep? You hain't a-goin'
+round in that crowd with slips on, be you?"
+
+"No," she said, "she didn't spoze she should, but she should feel better
+to know that she had on nice stockin's, if there didn't anybody see
+'em."
+
+And I thought to myself that I should ruther be upheld by my principles
+than the consciousness of shell-work stockin's. But I didn't say so
+right out. I see that she wouldn't give up the idee.
+
+And besides the stockin's, which wuz goin' to devour a fearful amount of
+time, she had got to embroider three night-shirts for Whitfield with
+fine linen floss.
+
+Then I argued with her agin. Sez I, "Good land! I don't believe that
+Christopher Columbus ever had any embroidered night-shirts." Sez I, "If
+he had waited to have them embroidered, and shell-work stockin's knit,
+we might have not been discovered to this day. But," sez I, "good,
+sensible creeter, he knew better than to do it when he had everything
+else on his hands. And," sez I, "with all your housework to do--and hot
+weather a-comin' on--I don't see how you are a-goin' to git 'em all done
+and git to the Fair."
+
+And she said, "She had ruther come late, prepared, than to go early with
+everything at loose ends."
+
+"But," sez I, "good plain sensible night-shirts and Lyle-thread
+stockin's hain't loose--they hain't so loose as them you are knittin'."
+
+But I see that I couldn't break it up, so I desisted in my efforts.
+
+Maggie, though she is only my daughter-in-law, takes after me more in a
+good many things than Tirzah Ann duz, who is my own step-daughter.
+Curious, but so it is.
+
+Now, she and I felt jest alike in this.
+
+Who--who wuz a-goin' to notice what you had on to the World's Fair; and
+providin' we wuz clean and hull, and respectable-lookin', who wuz
+a-goin' to know or care whether our stockin's wuz open work or plain
+knittin'?
+
+There, with all the wonder and glory of the hull world spread out before
+our eyes, and the hull world there a-lookin' at it, a-gazin' at strange
+people, strange customs, strange treasures and curiosities from every
+land under the sun--wonders of the earth and wonders of the sea, marvels
+of genius and invention, and marvels of grandeur and glory, of Art and
+Nature, and the hull world a-lookin' on, and a-marvellin' at 'em. And
+then to suppose that anybody would be a-lookin' out for shell-work
+stockin's, a-carin' whether they wuz clam-shell pattern, or oyster
+shell.
+
+The idee!
+
+That is the way Maggie and I felt; why, if you'll believe it, that sweet
+little creeter never took but one dress with her, besides a old wrapper
+to put on mornin's. She took a good plain black silk dress, with two
+waists to it--a thick one for cool days and a thin one for hot days--and
+some under-clothes, and some old shoes that didn't hurt her feet, and
+looked decent. And there she wuz all ready.
+
+She never bought a thing, I don't believe, not one. You wouldn't ketch
+her waitin' to embroider night-shirts for Thomas Jefferson--no, indeed!
+She felt jest as I did. What would the Christopher Columbus World's Fair
+care for the particular make of Thomas J's night-shirts? That had bigger
+things on its old mind than to stop and admire a particular posey or
+runnin' vine worked on a man's nightly bosom. Yes, indeed!
+
+But Tirzah Ann felt jest that way, and I couldn't make her over at that
+late day, even if I had time to tackle the job. She took it honest--it
+come onto her from her Pa.
+
+The preperations that man would have made if he had had his head would
+have outdone Tirzah Ann's, and that is sayin' enough, and more'n enough.
+
+And the size of the shoes that man would have sot out with if he had
+been left alone would have been a shame and a disgrace to the name of
+decency as long as the world stands.
+
+Why, his feet would have been two smokin' sacrifices laid on the altar
+of corns and bunions. Yes, indeed! But I broke it up.
+
+I sez, "Do you lay out and calculate to hobble round in that pair of
+leather vises and toe-screws," sez I, "when you have got to be on foot
+from mornin' till night, day after day? Why under the sun don't you wear
+your good old leather shoes, and feel comfortable?"
+
+And he said (true father of Tirzah Ann), "He wuz afraid it would make
+talk."
+
+[Illustration: "Leather vises and toe-screws."]
+
+Sez I, "The idee of the World's Fair, with all it has got on its mind, a
+noticin' or carin' whether you had on shoes or went barefoot! But if you
+are afraid of talk," sez I, "I guess that it would make full as much
+talk to see you a-goin' round a-groanin' and a-cryin' out loud. And that
+is what them shoes would bring you to," sez I.
+
+"Now," sez I, "you jest do them shoes right up and carry 'em back to the
+store, and if you have got to have a new pair, git some that will be
+more becomin' to a human creeter, let alone a class-leader, and a
+perfessor, and a grandfather."
+
+So at last I prevailed--he a-forebodin' to the very last that it would
+make talk to see him in such shoes. But he got a pair that wuzn't more'n
+one size too small for him, and I presumed to think they would stretch
+some. And, anyway, I laid out to put his good, roomy old gaiters in my
+own trunk, so he could have a paneky to fall back on, and to soothe.
+
+As for myself, I took my old slips, that had been my faithful companions
+for over two years, and a pair of good big roomy bootees.
+
+I never bought nothin' new for any of my feet, not even a shoe-string.
+And the only new thing that I bought, anyway, wuz a new muslin night-cap
+with a lace ruffle.
+
+I bought that, and I spoze vanity and pride wuz to the bottom of it. I
+feel my own shortcomin's, I feel 'em deep, and try to repent, every now
+and then, I do.
+
+But I did think in my own mind that in case of fire, and I knew that
+Chicago wuz a great case for burnin' itself up--I thought in case of
+fire in the night I wouldn't want to be ketched with a plain
+sheep's-head night-cap on, which, though comfortable, and my choice for
+stiddy wear, hain't beautiful.
+
+And I thought if there wuz a fire, and I wuz to be depictered in the
+newspapers as a-bein' rescued, I did feel a little pride in havin' a
+becomin' night-cap on, and not bein' engraved with a sheep's head on.
+
+Thinks'es I, the pictures in the newspapers are enough to bring on the
+cold chills onto anybody, even if took bareheaded, and what--what would
+be the horror of 'em took in a sheep's head!
+
+There it wuz, there is my own weakness sot right down in black and
+white. But, anyway, it only cost thirty-five cents, and there wuzn't
+nothin' painful about it, like Josiah's shoes, nor protracted, like
+Tirzah Ann's stockin's.
+
+Wall, Ury and Philury moved in the day before, and Josiah and I left in
+the very best of sperits and on the ten o'clock train, Maggie and Thomas
+Jefferson and Krit a-meetin' us to the depot.
+
+Maggie looked as pretty as a pink, if she didn't make no preperations.
+She had on her plain waist, black silk, and a little black velvet
+turban, and she had pinned a bunch of fresh rosies to her waist, and the
+rosies wuzn't any pinker than her pretty cheeks and lips, and the dew
+that had fell into them roses' hearts that night wuzn't any brighter
+than her sweet gray eyes.
+
+She makes a beautiful woman, Maggie Allen duz; and she ort to, to
+correspond with her husband, for my boy, Thomas Jefferson, is a young
+man of a thousand, and it is admitted that he is by all the
+Jonesvillians--nearly every villian of 'em admits it.
+
+Tirzah Ann and the babe wuz to the depot to see us off, and she said
+that she should come on jest as soon as she got through with her
+preperations.
+
+But I felt dubersome about her comin' very soon, for she took out her
+knittin' work (we had to wait quite a good while for the cars), and I
+see that she hadn't got the first one only to the instep.
+
+It is slow knittin'--shells are dretful slow anyway--and she wuz too
+proud sperited to have 'em plain clam-shell pattern, which are bigger
+and coarser; she had to have 'em oyster-shell pattern, in ridges.
+
+Wall, as I say, I felt dubersome, but I spoke up cheerful on the
+outside--
+
+"If you git your stockin's done, Tirzah Ann, you must be sure and come."
+
+And she said she would.
+
+The way she said it wuz: "One, two, three, four, yes, mother; five, six,
+seven, I will."
+
+She had to count every shell from top to toe of 'em, which made it hard
+and wearin' both for her and them she wuz conversin' with.
+
+Why, they do say--it come to me straight, too--that Whitfield got that
+wore out with them oyster-shell stockin's that he won't look at a oyster
+sence--he used to be devoted to 'em, raw or cooked; but they say that
+you can't git him to look at one sence the stockin' episode, specially
+scolloped ones.
+
+No, he sez "that he has had enough oysters for a lifetime."
+
+Poor fellow! I pity him. I know what them actions of hern is; hain't I
+suffered from the one she took 'em from?
+
+But to resoom, and continue on.
+
+Miss Gowdey come to the depot to see me off, and so did Miss Bobbet and
+the Widder Pooler.
+
+Miss Gowdey wuz a-comin' to the World's Fair as soon as she made her
+rag-carpet for her summer kitchen; she said "she wouldn't go off and
+leave her work ondone, and she hadn't got more'n half of the rags cut,
+and she hadn't colored butnut yet, nor copperas; she would not leave her
+house a-sufferin' and her rags oncut."
+
+I thought she looked sort o' reprovin' at me, for she knew that I had a
+carpet begun.
+
+But I spoke up, and sez, "Truly rags will be always here with us, and
+most likely butnut and copperas; but the World's Fair comes but once in
+a lifetime, and I believe in embracin' it now, and makin' the most of
+it." Sez I, "We can embrace rags at any time."
+
+"Wall," she said, "she couldn't take no comfort with the memory of
+things ondone a-weighin' down on her." She said "some folks wuz
+different," and she looked clost at me as she said it. "Some folks could
+go off on towers and be happy with the thought of rags oncut and warp
+oncolored, or spooled, or anything. But she wuzn't one of 'em; she could
+not, and would not, take comfort with things ondone on her mind."
+
+And I sez, "If folks don't take any comfort with the memories of things
+ondone on 'em, I guess that there wouldn't be much comfort took, for, do
+the best we can in this world, we have to leave some things ondone. We
+can't do everything."
+
+"Wall," she said, "she should, never should, go off on towers till
+everything wuz done."
+
+And agin I sez, "It is hard to git everything done, and if folks waited
+for them circumstances, I guess there wouldn't be many towers gone off
+on."
+
+But she didn't give in, nor I nuther. But jest then Miss Bobbet spoke
+up, and said, "She laid out to go to the World's Fair--she wouldn't miss
+it for anything; it wuz the oppurtunity of a lifetime for education and
+pleasure; but she wuz a-goin' to finish that borrow-and-lend bedquilt of
+hern before she started a step. And then the woodwork had got to be
+painted all over the house, and _he_ was so busy with his spring's work
+that she had got to do it herself."
+
+And I sez, "Couldn't you let those things be till you come back?"
+
+And she said, "She couldn't, for she mistrusted she would be all beat
+out, and wouldn't feel like it when she got back; paintin' wuz hard
+work, and so wuz piecin' up."
+
+And I sez, "Then you had ruther go there all tired out, had you?" sez I.
+"Seems to me I had ruther go to the World's Fair fresh and strong, and
+ready to learn and enjoy, even if I let my borrow-and-lend bedquilt go
+till another year. For," sez I, "bedquilts will be protracted fur beyend
+the time of seein' the World's Fair--and I believe in livin' up to my
+priveleges."
+
+And she said, "That she wouldn't want to put it off, for it had been
+a-layin' round for several years, and she felt that she wouldn't go
+away so fur from home, and leave it onfinished."
+
+And I see that it wouldn't do any good to argy with her. Her mind wuz
+made up.
+
+Miss Pooler said, "That she wuz a-goin' to the Fair, and a-goin' in good
+season, too. She wouldn't miss it for anything in the livin' world. But
+she had got to make a visit all round to his relations and hern before
+she went. And," sez she, a-lookin' sort o' reproachful at me,
+
+"I should have thought you would have felt like goin' round and payin'
+'em all a visit, on both of your sides, before you went," sez she. "They
+would have felt better; and I feel like doin' everything I can to please
+the relations."
+
+And I told Miss Pooler--"That I never expected to see the day that I
+hadn't plenty of relations on my side and on hisen, but I never expected
+to see another Christopher Columbus World's Fair, and I had ruther spend
+my time now with Christopher than with them on either side, spozin' they
+would keep."
+
+But Miss Pooler said, "She had always felt like doin' all in her power
+to show respect to the relations on both sides, and make 'em happy. And
+she felt that, in case of anything happenin', she would feel better to
+know she had made 'em all a last visit before it happened."
+
+"What I am afraid will happen, Miss Pooler," sez I, "is that you won't
+git to the World's Fair at all, for they are numerous on both sides, and
+widespread," sez I. "It will take sights and sights of time for you to
+go clear round."
+
+But I see that she wuz determined to have her way, and I didn't labor no
+more with her.
+
+And I might as well tell it right here, as any time--she never got to
+the World's Fair at all. For while she wuz a-payin' a last visit
+previous to her departure, she wuz took down bed-sick for three weeks.
+And the Fair bein' at that time on its last leglets, as you may say, it
+had took her so long to go the rounds--the Fair broke up before she got
+up agin.
+
+Miss Pooler felt awful about it, so they say; it wuz such a dretful
+disapintment to her that they had to watch her for some time, she wuz
+that melancholy about it, and depressted, that they didn't know what she
+would be led to do to herself.
+
+And besides her own affliction about the Fair, and the trouble she gin
+her own folks a-watchin' her for months afterwards, she got 'em mad at
+her on both sides. Seven different wimmen she kep to home, jest as they
+wuz a-startin' for the Fair, and belated 'em.
+
+Eleven of the relations on her side and on hisen hain't spoke to her
+sence. And the family where she wuz took sick on their hands talked hard
+of suin' her for damage. For they wuz real smart folks, and had been
+makin' their calculations for over three years to go to the Fair, and
+had lotted on it day and night, and through her sickness they wuz kep to
+home, and didn't go to it at all.
+
+But to resoom.
+
+Jest as I turned round from Miss Pooler, I see Miss Solomon Stebbins and
+Arvilly Lanfear come in the depot.
+
+Arvilly come to bid me good-bye, and Miss Stebbins wuz with her, and so
+she come in too.
+
+Arvilly said, "That she should be in Chicago to that World's Fair, if
+her life wuz spared." She said, "That she wouldn't miss bein' in the
+place where wimmen wuz made sunthin' of, and had sunthin' to say for
+themselves, not for ontold wealth."
+
+She said, "That she jest hankered after seein' one woman made out of
+pure silver--and then that other woman sixty-five feet tall; she said it
+would do her soul good to see men look up to her, and they have got to
+look up to her if they see her at all, for she said that it stood to
+reason that there wuzn't goin' to be men there sixty-five feet high.
+
+"And then that temple there in Chicago, dreamed out and built by a
+woman--the nicest office buildin' in the world! jest think of that--_in
+the World_. And a woman to the bottom of it, and to the top too. Why,"
+sez Arville, "I wouldn't miss the chance of seein' wimmen swing right
+out, and act as if their souls wuz their own, not for the mines of
+Golconda." Sez she, "More than a dozen wimmen have told me this week
+they wanted to go; but they wuzn't able. But I sez to 'em, I'm able to
+go, and I'm a-goin'--I am goin' afoot."
+
+"Why, Arvilly," sez I, "you hain't a-goin' to Chicago a-walkin' afoot!"
+
+[Illustration: "Why, Arvilly!"]
+
+"Yes, I be a-goin' to Chicago a-walkin' afoot, and I am goin' to start
+next Monday mornin'."
+
+"Why'ee!" sez I, "you mustn't do it; you must let me lend you some
+money."
+
+"No, mom; much obliged jest the same, but I am a-goin' to canvass my way
+there. I am goin' to sell the 'Wild, Wicked, and Warlike Deeds of Man.'
+I calculate to make money enough to get me there and ride some of the
+way, and take care of me while I am there; I may tackle some other book
+or article to sell. But I am goin' to branch out on that, and I am goin'
+to have a good time, too."
+
+[Illustration: "No, mom; much obliged jest the same."]
+
+Miss Stebbins said, "She wanted to go, and calculated to, but she wanted
+to finish that croshay lap-robe before snow fell."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "snow hain't a-goin' to fall very soon now, early in the
+Spring so."
+
+"Wall," she said, "that it wuz such tryin' work for the eyes, she
+wouldn't leave it for nothin' till she got back, for she mistrusted that
+she should feel kind o' mauger and wore out. And then," she said, "she
+had got to make a dozen fine shirts for Solomon, so's to leave him
+comfortable while she wuz gone, and the children three suits apiece all
+round."
+
+Sez I, "How long do you lay out to be gone?"
+
+"About two weeks," she said.
+
+And I told her, "That it didn't seem as if he would need so many shirts
+for so short a time."
+
+But she said, "She should feel more relieved to have 'em done."
+
+So I wouldn't say no more to break it up. For it is fur from me to want
+to diminish any female's relief.
+
+And the cars tooted jest then, so I didn't have no more time to multiply
+words with her anyway.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+
+We were travellin' in a car they call a parlor, though it didn't look no
+more like our parlor than ours does like a steeple on a wind-mill. But
+it wuz dretful nice and comogeous.
+
+We five occupied seats all together, and right next to us, acrost the
+aisle, wuz two men a-arguin' on the Injun question. I didn't know 'em,
+but I see that Thomas J. and Krit wuz some acquainted with 'em; they wuz
+business men.
+
+When I first begun to hear 'em talk (they talked loud--we couldn't help
+hearin' 'em), they seemed to be kinder laughin', and one of 'em said:
+
+"Yes, they denied the right of suffrage to wimmen and give it to the
+Injuns, and the next week the Injuns started off on the war-path.
+Whether they did it through independence or through triumph nobody
+knows, but it is known that they went."
+
+And I thought to myself, "Mebby they wuz mad to think that the Goverment
+denied to intelligent Christian wimmen the rights gin to savages."
+Thinks'es I, "It is enough to make a Injun mad, or anything else."
+
+[Illustration: "They denied the right of suffrage to wimmen and give
+it to the Injuns."]
+
+But I didn't speak my mind out loud, and they begun to talk earnest and
+excited about 'em, and I could see as they went on that they felt jest
+alike towards the Injuns, and wanted 'em wiped off'en the face of the
+earth; but they disagreed some as to the ways they wanted 'em wiped. One
+of 'em wanted 'em shot right down to once, and exterminated jest as you
+kill potato-bugs.
+
+The other wanted 'em drove further off and shet up tighter till they
+died out of themselves; but they wuz both agreed in bein' horrified and
+disgusted at the Injuns darin' to fight the whites.
+
+And first I knew Krit jest waded right into the talk. He waded polite,
+but he waded deep right off the first thing.
+
+And, sez he, "Before they all die I hope they will sharpen up their
+tommyhawks and march on to Washington, and have a war-dance before the
+Capitol, and take a few scalps there amongst the law-makers and the
+Injun bureau."
+
+He got kinder lost and excited by his feelin's, Krit did, or he wouldn't
+have said anything about scalpin' a bureau. Good land! he might talk
+about smashin' its draws up, but nobody ever hearn of scalpin' a bureau
+or a table.
+
+But he went on dretful smart, and, sez he, "Gentlemen, I have lived
+right out there amongst the Injuns and the rascally agents, and I know
+what I am talkin' about when I say that, instead of wonderin' about the
+Injuns risin' up aginst the whites, as they do sometimes, the wonder is
+that they don't try to kill every white man they see.
+
+"When I think of the brutality, the cheatin', the cruelty, the
+devilishness of the agents, it is a wonder to me that they let one stick
+remain on another at the agencies--that they don't burn 'em up, root
+and branch, and destroy all the lazy, cheatin', lyin' white scamps they
+can get sight of."
+
+The two men acted fairly browbeat and smut to hear Krit go on, and they
+sez--
+
+"You must be mistaken in your views; the Goverment, I am sure, tries to
+protect the Injuns and take care of 'em."
+
+"What is the Goverment doin'," sez Krit, "but goin' into partnership
+with lyin' and stealin,' when it knows just what their agents are doin',
+and still protects them in their shameful acts, and sends out troops to
+build up their strength? Maybe you have a home you love?" sez Krit,
+turnin' to the best lookin' of the men.
+
+"Yes, indeed," sez he; "my country home down on the Hudson is the same
+one we have had in the family for over two hundred years. My babies are
+to-day runnin' over the same turf that I rolled on in my boyhood, and
+their great-great-grandmothers played on in their childhood.
+
+"My babies' voices raise the same echoes from the high rock back of the
+orchard, the same blue river runs along at their feet, the sun sets
+right over the same high palisade. Why, that very golden light acrost
+the water between the two high rocks--that golden line of light seems
+to me now, almost as it did then in my childhood, the only path to
+Heaven.
+
+"Heaven and Earth would be all changed to me if I had to give up my old
+home. Why, every tree, and shrub, and rock seems like a part of my own
+beloved family, such sacred associations cluster around them of my
+childhood and manhood. And the memories of the dear ones gone seem to be
+woven into the very warp and woof of the stately old elm-trees that
+shade its velvet lawns, and the voice of the river seems full of old
+words and music, vanished tones and laughter.
+
+"No one can know, or dream, how inexpressibly dear the old home is to my
+heart. If I had to give it up," sez he, "it would be like tearin' out my
+very heart-strings, and partin' with what seems like a part of my own
+life."
+
+The man looked very earnest and sincere when he said this, and even
+agitated. He meant what he said, no doubt on't.
+
+And then Krit sez, "How would you like it if you were ordered to leave
+it at a day's notice--leave it forever--leave it so some one else, some
+one you hated, some one who had always injured you, could enjoy it--
+
+"Leave it so that you knew you could never live there again, never
+see a sun rise or a sun set over the dear old fields, and mountains, and
+river, you loved so well--
+
+"Never have the chance to stand by the graves of your fathers, and your
+children, that were a-sleepin' under the beautiful old trees that your
+grandfathers had set out--
+
+"Never see the dear old grounds they walked through, the old rooms full
+of the memories of their love, their joys, and their sorrows, and your
+loves, and hopes, and joys, and sadness?
+
+"What should you do if some one strong enough, but without a shadow of
+justice or reason, should order you out of it at once--force you to go?"
+
+"I should try to kill him," sez the man promptly, before he had time to
+think what to say.
+
+"Well," sez Krit, "that is what the Injuns try to do, and the world is
+horrified at it. Their homes are jest as dear to them as ours are to us;
+their love for their own living and dead is jest as strong. Their grief
+and sense of wrong and outrage is even stronger than the white man's
+would be, for they don't have the distractions of civilized life to take
+up their attention. They brood over their wrongs through long days and
+nights, unsolaced by daily papers and latest telegraphic news, and their
+famished, freezin' bodies addin' their terrible pangs to their soul's
+distress.
+
+"Is it any wonder that after broodin' over their wrongs through long
+days and nights, half starved, half naked, their dear old homes
+gone--shut up here in the rocky, hateful waste, that they must call
+home, and probably their wives and daughters stolen from them by these
+agents that are fat and warm, and gettin' rich on the food and clothing
+that should be theirs, and receivin' nothing but insults and threats if
+they ask for justice, and finally a bullet, if their demands for justice
+are too loud--
+
+"What wonder is it that they lift their empty hands for vengeance--that
+they leave their bare, icy huts, and warm their frozen veins with
+ghost-dances, haply practisin' them before they go to be ghosts in
+reality? What wonder that they sharpen up their ancestral tomahawk, and
+lift it against their oppressors? What wonder that the smothered fires
+do break out into sudden fiery tempests of destruction that appall the
+world?
+
+"You say you would do the same, after your generations of culture and
+Christian teaching, and so would I, and every other man. We would if we
+could destroy the destroyers who ravage and plunder our homes, deprive
+us of the earnings of a lifetime, turn us out of our inheritance, and
+make of our wives and daughters worse than slaves.
+
+"We meet every year to honor the memory of the old heroes who rebelled
+and fought for liberty--shed rivers of blood to escape from far less
+intolerable oppression and wrongs than the Injuns have endured for
+years.
+
+"And then we expect them, with no culture and no Christianity, to
+practise Christian virtues, and endure buffetings that no Christian
+would endure.
+
+"The whole Injun question is a satire on true Goverment, a lie in the
+name of liberty and equality, a shame on our civilization."
+
+"What would you do about it?" said the kinder good-lookin' man.
+
+Sez Krit, "If I called the Injuns wards, adopted children of the
+Goverment, I would try not to use them in a way that would disgrace any
+drunken old stepmother.
+
+"I would have dignity enough, if I did not stand for decency, to not
+half starve and freeze them, and lie to them, and cheat them till the
+very word 'Goverment' means to them all they can picture of meanness and
+brutality. I would either grant them independence, or a few of the
+comforts I had stolen from them.
+
+"If I drove them out of their rich lands and well-stocked
+hunting-grounds they had so long considered their own--if I drove them
+out in my cupidity and love of conquest, I would in return grant them
+enough of the fruits of their old homes to keep up life in their unhappy
+bodies.
+
+"If I made them suffer the pains of exile, I would not let them endure
+also the gnawings of starvation.
+
+"And I would not send out to 'em the Bible and whiskey packed in one
+wagon, appeals to Christian living and the sure means to overthrow it.
+
+[Illustration: "I would not send 'em Bibles and whiskey packed in
+one wagon."]
+
+"I would not send 'em religious tracts, implorin' 'em to come to
+Christ's kingdom, packed in the same hamper with kegs of brandy, which
+the Bible and the tracts teach that those that use it are cursed, and
+that no drunkard can inherit the kingdom."
+
+But, sez Krit, "The Bible they _should_ have. And after they had
+mastered its simplest teachings, they should don their war-paint and
+feathers, and go out with it in their hands as missionaries to the white
+race, to try to teach them its plainest and simplest doctrines, of
+justice, and mercy, and love."
+
+But at this very minute the cars tooted, and the two men seized their
+satchels, and after a sort of a short bow to Krit and the rest of us,
+they rushed offen the train.
+
+I believe they wuz conscience-smut, but I don't know.
+
+[Illustration: I believe they wuz conscience-smut, but I don't
+know.]
+
+When we arrove at the big depot at Chicago, the sun wuz jest a-drawin'
+up his curtains of gorgeous red, and yeller, and crimson, and wuz
+a-retirin' behind 'em to git a little needed rest.
+
+The glorious counterpane wuz kinder heaped up in billowy richness on his
+western couch, but what I took to be the undersheet--a clear long fold
+of shinin' gold color--lay straight and smooth on the bottom of the
+gorgeous bed.
+
+And the sun's face wuz just a-lookin' out above it, as if to say
+good-bye to Chicago, and trouble, and the World's Fair, and Josiah and
+me, as we sot our feet on _terry firmy_. (That is Latin that I have
+hearn Thomas J. use. Nobody need to be afraid of it; it is harmless. My
+boy wouldn't use a dangerous word.)
+
+But to resoom and go on. As I ketched the last glimpse of the old
+familier face of the sun, that I had seen so many times a-lookin'
+friendly at me through the maple trees at Jonesville, and that truly had
+seemed to be a neighbor, a-neighborin' with me, time and agin--when I
+see him so peaceful and good-natured a-goin' to his nightly rest, I
+thought to myself--
+
+Oh! how I wish I could foller his example, for it duz seem to me that
+nowhere else, unless it wuz at the tower of Babel, wuz there ever so
+much noise, and of such various and conflictin' kinds.
+
+Instinctively I ketched holt of my pardner's arm, and sez I, "Stay by
+me, Josiah Allen; if madness and ruin result from this Pandemonium, be
+with me to the last."
+
+He couldn't hear a word I said, the noise wuz that deafnin' and
+tremendious. But he read the silent, tender language of the brown cotton
+glove on his arm, and he cast a look of deep affection on me, and sez he
+in soulfull axents--
+
+"Hurry up, can't you? Wimmen are always so slow!"
+
+I responded in the same earnest, heartfelt way. And anon, or perhaps a
+little before, Thomas J. and Krit hurried us and our satchel bags into a
+big roomy carriage, and we soon found ourselves a-wendin' our way
+through the streets of the great Western city, the metropolis of the
+Settin' Sun.
+
+Street after street, mild after mild of high, towerin' buildin's did we
+pass. Some on 'em I know wuz high enough for the tower of Babel--and old
+Babel himself would have admitted it, I bet, if he had been there.
+
+And as the immense size and magnitude of the city come over me like a
+wave, I thought to myself some in Skripter and some in common readin'.
+
+When I thought that fifty years ago the grassy prairie lay stretched out
+in green repose where now wuz the hard pavements worn with the world's
+commerce; when I thought that little prairie-dogs, and mush-rats, and
+squirells wuz a-runnin' along ondisturbed where now stood high blocks
+full of a busy city's enterprise; when I thought that little pretty,
+timid birds wuz a-flyin' about where now wuz steeples and high
+chimblys--why, when I thought of all this in common readin', then the
+Skripter come in, and I sez to myself in deep, solemn axents--
+
+"Who hath brought this thing to pass?"
+
+And then anon I went to thinkin' in common readin' agin, and thinks'es
+I--
+
+A little feeble woman died a few days ago--not so very old either--who
+wuz the first child born in Chicago--and I thought--
+
+What a big, big day's work wuz done under her eye-sight! What a immense
+house-warmin' she would had to had in order to warm up all the housen
+built under her eye!
+
+Millions of folks did she see move into her neighborhood.
+
+And what a party would she had to gin to have took all her neighbors in!
+What a immense amount of nut-cakes would she have had to fry, and
+cookies!
+
+Why, countin' two nut-cakes to a person--and that is a small estimate
+for a healthy man to eat, judgin' by my own pardner--she would have had
+to fry millions of nut-cakes. And millions of cookies, if they wuz made
+after Mother's receipt handed down to me; that wouldn't have been one
+too many.
+
+And where could she spread out her dough for her cookies--why, a prairie
+wouldn't have been too big for her mouldin' board. And the biggest
+Geyser in the West, old Faithful himself, wouldn't have been too big to
+fry the cakes in, if you could fry 'em in water, which you can't.
+
+But mebby if she had gin the party, she could have used that old
+spoutin' Geyser for a teapot or a soda fountain--if she laid out to
+treat 'em to anything to drink.
+
+But good land! there is no use in talkin', if she had used a volcano to
+steep her tea over, she couldn't made enough to go round.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+
+Wall, after a numerous number of emotions we at last reached our
+destination and stoppin'-place. And I gin a deep sithe of relief as the
+wheel of the carriage grated on the curb-stun, in front of the boardin'
+house where my Josiah and me laid out to git our two boards.
+
+Thomas J. and Krit wanted to go to one of the big hotels. I spozed, from
+their talk, it wuz reasonable, and wuz better for their business, that
+they should be out amongst business men.
+
+But Josiah and I didn't want to go to any such place. We had our place
+all picked out, and had had for some time, ever sence we had commenced
+to git ready for the World's Fair.
+
+We had laid out to git our two boards at a good quiet place recommended
+by our own Methodist Episcopal Pasture, and a distant relation of his
+own.
+
+It wuz to Miss Ebenezer Plank'ses, who took in a few boarders, bein'
+middlin' well off, and havin' a very nice house to start with, but
+wanted to add a little to her income, so she took in a few and done well
+by 'em, so our pasture said, and so we found out. It wuz a
+splendid-lookin' house a-standin' a-frontin' a park, where anybody could
+git a glimpse of green trees and a breath of fresh air, and as much
+quiet and rest as could be found in Chicago durin' the summer of 1893,
+so I believed.
+
+Thomas J. and Maggie wuz perfectly suited with the place for us--and
+Thomas J. parleyed with Miss Plank about our room, etc.--and we wuz all
+satisfied with the result.
+
+And after Josiah and me got settled down in our room, a good-lookin'
+one, though small, the children sot off for their hotel, which wuzn't so
+very fur from ourn, nigh enough so that they could be sent for easy, if
+we wuz took down sudden, and visey versey.
+
+I found Miss Plank wuz a good-appearin' woman, and a Christian, I
+believe, with good principles, and a hair mole on her face, though she
+kep 'em curbed down, and cut off (the hairs).
+
+[Illustration: A good-appearin' woman.]
+
+Her husband had been a man of wealth, as you could see plain by the
+house that he left her a-livin' in. But some of her property she had
+lost through poor investments--and don't it beat all how wimmen do git
+cheated, and every single man she deals with a-tellin' her to confide in
+him freely, for he hain't but one idee, and that is to look out for her
+interests, to the utter neglect of his own, and a-warnin' her aginst
+every other man on earth but himself.
+
+But, to resoom. She had lost some of her property, and bein' without
+children, and kind o' lonesome, and a born housekeeper and cook, her
+idee of takin' in a few respectable and agreeable boarders wuz a good
+one.
+
+She wuz a good calculator, and the best maker of pancakes I ever see,
+fur or near. She oversees her own kitchen, and puts on her own hand and
+cooks, jest when she is a mind too. She hain't afraid of the face of man
+or woman, though she told me, and I believe it, that "her cook wuz that
+cross and fiery of temper, that she would skair any common person almost
+into coniption fits."
+
+"But," sez she, "the first teacup that she throwed at me, because I
+wanted to make some pancakes, wuz the last."
+
+I don't know what she done to her, but presoom that she held her with
+her eye. It is a firm and glitterin' one as I ever see.
+
+Anyway, she put a damper onto that cook, and turns it jest when she is
+a mind to--to the benefit of her boarders; for better vittles wuz never
+cooked than Miss Plank furnishes her boarders at moderate rates and the
+comforts of a home, as advertisements say.
+
+Her house wuz kep clean and sweet too, which wuz indeed a boon.
+
+She talked a sight about her husband, which I don't know as she could
+help--anyway, I guess she didn't try to.
+
+She told me the first oppurtunity what a good Christian he wuz, how
+devoted to her, and how much property he laid up, and that he wuz "in
+salt."
+
+I thought for quite a spell she meant brine, and dassent hardly enquire
+into the particulars, not knowin' what she had done by the departed,
+widders are so queer.
+
+But after she had mentioned to me more'n a dozen times her love for the
+departed, and his industrious and prosperous ways, and tellin' me every
+single time, "he wuz in salt," I found out that she meant that he wuz in
+the salt trade--bought and sold, I spozed.
+
+I felt better.
+
+But oh, how she did love to talk about that man; truly she used his
+sirname to connect us to the vast past, and to the mysterious future. We
+trod that Plank every day and all day, if we would listen to her.
+
+And sometimes when I would try to get her offen that Plank for a minute,
+and would bring up the World's Fair to her, and how big the housen wuz,
+I would find my efforts futile; for all she would say about 'em wuz to
+tell what Mr. Plank would have done if he had been a-livin', and if he
+had been onhampered, and out of salt, how much better he would have done
+than the directors did, and what bigger housen he would have built.
+
+And I would say, "A house that covers over most forty acres is a pretty
+big house."
+
+But she seemed to think that Mr. Plank would have built housen that
+covered a few more acres, and towered up higher, and had loftier
+cupalos.
+
+And finally I got tired of tryin' to quell her down, and I got so that I
+could let her talk and keep up a-thinkin' on other subjects all the
+time. Why, I got so I could have writ poetry, if that had been my aim,
+right under a constant loadin' and onloadin' of that Plank.
+
+Curious, hain't it?
+
+As I said, there wuz only a few boarders, most of 'em quiet folks, who
+had been there some time. Some on 'em had been there long enough to have
+children born under the ruff, who had growed up almost as big as their
+pa's and ma's. There wuz several of 'em half children there, and among
+'em wuz one of the same age who wuz old--older than I shall ever be, I
+hope and pray.
+
+He wuz gloomy and morbid, and looked on life, and us, with kinder mad
+and distrustful eyes. Above all others, he wuz mean to his twin sister;
+he looked down on her and browbeat her the worst kind, and felt older
+than she did, and acted as if she wuz a mere child compared to him,
+though he wuzn't more'n five minutes older than she wuz, if he wuz that.
+
+Their names wuz Algernon and Guenivere Piddock, but they called 'em Nony
+and Neny--which wuz, indeed, a comfort to bystanders. Folks ort to be
+careful what names they put onto their children; yes, indeed.
+
+Neny wuz a very beautiful, good-appearin' young girl, and acted as if
+she would have had good sense, and considerable of it, if she hadn't
+been afraid to say her soul wuz her own.
+
+But Nony wuz cold and haughty. He sot right by me on the north side,
+Josiah Allen sot on my south. And I fairly felt chilly on that side
+sometimes, almost goose pimples, that young man child felt so cold and
+bitter towards the world and us, and so sort o' patronizin'.
+
+[Illustration: He sot by me.]
+
+He didn't believe in religion, nor nothin'. He didn't believe in
+Christopher Columbus--right there to the doin's held for him, he didn't
+believe in him.
+
+"Why," sez I, "he discovered the land we live in."
+
+He said, "He was very doubtful whether that wuz so or not--histories
+made so many mistakes, he presoomed there never was such a man at all."
+
+"Why," sez I, "he walked the streets of Genoa."
+
+And he sez, "I never see him there."
+
+And, of course, I couldn't dispute that.
+
+And he added, "That anyway there wuz too much a-bein' done for him. He
+wuz made too much of."
+
+He didn't believe in wimmen, made a specialty of that, from Neny back to
+Rachael and Ruth. He powed at wimmen's work, at their efforts, their
+learnin', their advancement.
+
+Neny, good little bashful thing, wuz a member of the WCTU and the
+Christian Endeavor, and wanted to do jest right by them noble societies
+and the world. But, oh, how light he would speak of them noble bands of
+workers in the World's warfare with wrong! To how small a space he
+wanted to reduce 'em down!
+
+And I sez to him once, "You can't do very much towards belittlin' a
+noble army of workers as that is--millions strong."
+
+"Millions weak, you mean," sez he. "I dare presoom to say there hain't a
+woman amongst 'em but what is afraid of a mouse, and would run from a
+striped snake."
+
+Sez I, "They don't run from the serpent Evil, that is wreathin' round
+their homes and loved ones, and a-tryin' to destroy 'em--they run
+towards that serpent, and hain't afraid to grapple with it, and
+overthrow it--by the help of the Mighty," sez I.
+
+Sez he, "There is too much made of their work." Sez he, "There hain't
+near so much done as folks think; the most of it is talk, and a-praisin'
+each other up."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "men won't never be killed for that in their political
+rivalin's, they won't be condemned for praisin' each other up."
+
+"No," sez he, "men know too much."
+
+And then I spoke of that silver woman--how beautiful and noble an
+appearance she made, in the spear she ort to be in, a-representin'
+Justice.
+
+And Nony said, "She wuz too soft." Sez he, "It is with her as it is with
+all other wimmen--men have to stand in front of her with guns to keep
+her together, to keep her solid."
+
+That kinder gaulded me, for there wuz some truth in it, for I had seen
+the men and the rifles.
+
+But I sprunted up, and sez I--
+
+"They are a-guardin' her to keep men from stealin' her, that is what
+they are for. And," sez I, "it would be a good thing for lots of wimmen,
+who have got lots of silver, if it hain't in their bodies, if they had a
+guard a-walkin' round 'em with rifles to keep off maurauders."
+
+Why, there wuzn't nothin' brung up that he believed in, or that he
+didn't act morbid over.
+
+Why, I believe his Ma--good, decent-lookin' widder with false hair and a
+swelled neck, but well-to-do--wuz ashamed of him.
+
+Right acrost from me to the table sot a fur different creeter. It wuz a
+man in the prime of life, and wisdom, and culture, who _did_ believe in
+things. You could tell that by the first look in his
+face--handsome--sincere--ardent. With light brown hair, tossed kinder
+careless back from a broad white forward--deep blue, impetuous-lookin'
+eyes, but restrained by sense from goin' too fur. A silky mustache the
+same color of his hair, and both with a considerable number of white
+threads a-shinin' in 'em, jest enough so's you could tell that old Time
+hadn't forgot him as he went up and down the earth with his hour-glass
+under his arm, and his scythe over his shoulder.
+
+He had a tall, noble figger, always dressed jest right, so's you would
+never think of his clothes, but always remember him simply as bein' a
+gentleman, helpful, courteous, full of good-nature and good-natured wit
+and fun. But yet with a sort of a sad look underlyin' the fun, some as
+deep waters look under the frothy sparkle on top, as if they had secrets
+they might tell if they wuz a mind to--secrets of dark places down, fur
+down, where the sun doesn't shine; secrets of joy and happiness, and
+hope that had gone down, and wuz carried under the depths--under the
+depths that we hadn't no lines to fathom.
+
+No, if there wuz any secrets of sadness underlyin' the frank openness
+and pleasantness of them clear blue eyes, we hadn't none of us no way of
+tellin'.
+
+We hadn't no ways of peerin' down under the clear blue depths, any
+further than he wuz willin' to let us.
+
+All we knew wuz, that though he looked happy and looked good-natured,
+back of it all, a-peerin' out sometimes when you didn't look for it, wuz
+a sunthin' that looked like the shadder cast from a hoverin'
+lonesomeness, and sorrow, and regret.
+
+But he wuz a good-lookin' feller, there hain't a doubt of that, and good
+actin' and smart.
+
+He wuz a bacheldor, and we could all see plain that Miss Plank held his
+price almost above rubies.
+
+If there wuz any good bits among vittles that wuz always good, it wuz
+Miss Plank's desire that he should have them bits; if there wuz drafts
+a-comin' from any pint of the compass, it wuz Miss Plank's desire to not
+have him blowed on. If any soft zephyr's breath wuz wafted to any one of
+us from a open winder on a hot evenin' or sunny noon, he wuz the one she
+wanted wafted to, and breathed on.
+
+If her smiles fell warm on any, or all on us, he wuz the one they fell
+warmest on. But we all liked him the best that ever wuz. Even Nony
+Piddock seemed to sort of onbend a little, and moisten up with the dew
+of charity his arid desert of idees a little mite, when he wuz around.
+
+And occasionally, when the bacheldor, whose name wuz Mr. Freeman, when
+he would, half in fun and half in earnest, answer Nony's weary and
+bitter remarks, once in a while even that aged youth would seem to be
+ashamed of himself, and his own idees.
+
+There wuz another widder there--Miss Boomer; or I shouldn't call her a
+clear widder--I guess she wuz a sort of a semi-detached one--I guess she
+had parted with him.
+
+Wall, she cast warm smiles on Mr. Freeman--awful warm, almost meltin'.
+
+Miss Plank didn't like Miss Boomer.
+
+Miss Piddock didn't want to cast no looks onto nobody, nor make no
+impressions. She wuz a mourner for Old Piddock, that anybody could see
+with one eye, or hear with one ear--that is, if they could understand
+the secrets of sithes; they wuz deep ones as I ever hearn, and I have
+hearn deep ones in my time, if anybody ever did, and breathed 'em out
+myself--the land knows I have!
+
+Miss Plank loved Miss Piddock like a sister; she said that she felt
+drawed to her from the first, and the drawin's had gone on ever
+sence--growin' more stronger all the time.
+
+Wall, there wuz two elderly men, very respectable, with two wives, one
+apiece, lawful and right, and their children, and Miss Schack and her
+three children, and a Mr. Bolster, and that wuz all there wuz of us,
+includin' and takin' in my pardner and myself.
+
+Mr. Freeman wuz very rich, so Miss Plank said, and had three or four
+splendid rooms, the best--"sweet"--in the house, she said.
+
+I spoze she spoke in that way to let us know they wuz furnished
+_sweet_--that is, I spoze so.
+
+His mother had died there, and he couldn't bear to know that anybody
+else had her rooms; so he kep 'em all, and paid high for 'em, so she
+said, and wuz as much to be depended on for punctuality, and honesty, as
+the Bank of England, or the mines of Golcondy.
+
+Yes, Miss Plank said that, with all his sociable, pleasant ways with
+everybody, he wuz a millionare--made it in sugar, I believe she said--I
+know it wuz sunthin' good to eat, and sort o' sweet--it might have been
+molasses--I won't be sure.
+
+But anyway he got so awful rich by it that he could live anywhere he wuz
+a mind to--in a palace, if he took it into his head to want one.
+
+But instead of branchin' out and makin' a great show, he jest kep right
+on a-livin' in the rooms he had took so long ago for his family. But
+they had all gone and left him, his mother dead, and his two nieces gone
+with their father to California, where they wuz in a convent school.
+And he kep right on a-livin' in the old rooms.
+
+Miss Plank told me in confidence, and on the hair-cloth sofa in the
+upper hall, that it would be a big wrench if he ever left there.
+
+[Illustration: Miss Plank told me in confidence that it would be a
+big wrench if he left.]
+
+She said, "She didn't say it because he wuz a bacheldor and she a
+widder, she said it out of pure-respect."
+
+And I believed it, a good deal of the time I did; for good land! she wuz
+old enough to be his ma, and more too.
+
+But he acted dretful pretty to her, I could see that. Not findin' no
+fault, eatin' hash jest as calm as if he wuzn't engaged in a strange and
+mysterious business.
+
+For great, _great_ is the mystery of boardin'-house hash.
+
+Not a-mindin' the children's noise--indeed, a-courtin' it, as you may
+say, for he would coax the youngest and most troublesome one away from
+its tired mother sometimes, and keep it by him at the table, and wait on
+it.
+
+He thought his eyes of children, so Miss Plank said.
+
+I might have thought that he took care of the child on its mother's
+account, out of sentiment instead of pity, if Miss Schack hadn't been
+as humbly as humbly could be, and a big wart on the end of her nose, and
+a cowlick. She had three children, and they wuz awful, awful to git
+along with.
+
+Her husband "wuz on the road," she said. And we couldn't any of us
+really make out from what she said what he wuz a-doin' there, whether he
+wuz a-movin' along on it to his work, or jest a-settin' there.
+
+But anyway she talked a good deal about his "bein' on the road," and how
+much better the children behaved "before he went on it."
+
+They jest rid over her, and over us too, if we would let 'em.
+
+They wuz the awfullest children I ever laid eyes on, for them that had
+such pious and well-meanin' names.
+
+There wuz John Wesley, and Martin Luther, and little Peter Cooper
+Schack.
+
+Miss Schack wuz a well-principled woman, no doubt, and I dare say had
+high idees before they wuz jarred, and hauled down, and stomped and
+trampled on, by noise and confusion. And I dare presoom to say that she
+had named them children a-hopin' and a-expectin' some of the high and
+religious qualities of their namesakes would strike in. But to set and
+hear Martin Luther swear at John Wesley wuz a sight. And to see John
+Wesley clench his fists in Martin Luther's hair and kick him wuz enough
+to horrify any beholder. But Peter Cooper wuz the worst; to see him take
+everything away from his brothers he possibly could, and devour it
+himself, and want everything himself, and be mad if they had anything,
+and steal from 'em in the most cold-blooded way, and act--why, it wuz
+enough to make that blessed old philanthropist, Peter Cooper, turn over
+in his grave.
+
+They wuz dretful troublesome and worrisome to the rest of the boarders,
+but Mr. Freeman could quell 'em down any time--sometimes by lookin' at
+'em and smilin', and sometimes by lookin' stern, and sometimes by candy
+and oranges.
+
+I declare for't, as I told Miss Plank sometimes, I didn't know what we
+would have done durin' some hot meal times if it hadn't been for that
+blessed bacheldor.
+
+I said that right out openly to Miss Plank, and to everybody else. Bein'
+married happy, I felt free to speak my mind about bacheldors, or
+anything. Of course, bein' a widder, Miss Plank felt more hampered.
+
+And he wuz good to me in other ways, besides easin' my cares and nerves
+at the table.
+
+His rooms wuz jest acrost the hall from ourn, and my Josiah's and my
+room wuz very small; it wuz the best that Miss Plank could do, so I
+didn't complain. But it wuz very compressed and confined, and extremely
+hot.
+
+When we wuz both in there sometimes on sultry days, I felt like
+compressed meat, or as I mistrusted that would feel, sort o' canned up,
+as it were.
+
+And one warm afternoon, 'most sundown, jest as I opened my door into the
+hall, to see if I could git a breath of fresh air to recooperate me,
+Josiah a-pantin' in the rockin'-chair behind me, Mr. Freeman opened his
+door, and so there we wuz a-facin' each other.
+
+[Illustration: And so there we wuz a-facin' each other.]
+
+And bein' sort o' took by surprise, I made the observation that "I wuz
+jest about melted, and so wuz my Josiah, and my room wuz like a dry oven
+and a tin can."
+
+I wouldn't have said it if I hadn't been so sort o' flustrated, and by
+the side of myself.
+
+And he jest swung open his door into a big cool parlor, and I could see
+beyend the doors open into two or three other handsome rooms.
+
+And, sez he, "I wish, Mrs. Allen, that you and your husband would come
+in here and see if it isn't cooler." Sez he, "I feel rather lonesome,
+and would be glad to have you come in and visit for a spell."
+
+He told me afterwards that it wuz the anniversary of his mother's death.
+
+He looked sort o' sad, and as if he really wanted company. So we thanked
+him, or I did, and we walked in and sot down in some big, cool cane-seat
+easy-chairs.
+
+And we sot there and visited back and forth for quite a spell, and took
+comfort. Yes, indeed, we did. This room wuz on the cool side of the
+house, and the still side. And it wuz big and furnished beautiful. It
+wuzn't Miss Plank's taste, I could see that.
+
+No, her taste is fervent and gorgeous. Gildin' is her favorite
+embellishment, and chromos, high-colored, and red.
+
+This room wuz covered with pure white mattin', and such rugs on it
+scattered over the floor as I never see, and don't know as I ever shall
+see agin.
+
+Some on 'em was pure white silky fur, and some on 'em as rich in
+colorin' as the most wonderful sunset colors you ever see in the red and
+golden west, or in the trees of a maple forest in October.
+
+And such pictures as hung on the walls I never see.
+
+Why, on one side of the room hung a picture that looked as if you wuz
+a-gazin' right out into a green field at sunset. There wuz a deep, cool
+rivulet a-gurglin' along over the pebbles, and the green, moist
+rushes--why, you could almost hear it.
+
+And the blue sky above--why, you could almost see right up through it,
+it looked so clear and transparent. And the cattle a-comin'up through
+the bars to be milked. Why, you could almost hear the girl call, "Co,
+boss! co, boss!" as she stood by the side of the bars with her
+sun-bunnet a-hangin' back from her pretty face, and her milk-pail on her
+arm.
+
+[Illustration: "Co, boss! co, boss!"]
+
+Why, you could fairly hear the swash, swash of the water, as the old
+brindle cow plashed through its cool waves.
+
+It beat all I ever see, and Josiah felt jest as I did. The beautiful
+face of the girl looked dretful familiar to me, though I couldn't tell
+for my life who it wuz that she looked so much like.
+
+And there on every side of us wuz jest as pretty pictures as that, and
+some white marble figures, that stood up almost as big as life on their
+marble pedestals, and aginst the dark red draperies.
+
+Why, take it all in all, it was the prettiest room I had ever looked at
+in my life, and so I told Mr. Freeman.
+
+And, if you'll believe it, that man up and said right there that we wuz
+perfectly free to use that room jest as much as we wanted to.
+
+He said he had another room as large as this that he staid in most of
+his time when he was at home--his writin'-desk wuz in that room. But he
+was not here much of the time, only to sleep and to his meals.
+
+And as he said this, what should that almost angel man do but to put a
+key in my hand, so Josiah and I could come in any time, whether he wuz
+here or not.
+
+Why, I wuz fairly dumbfoundered, and so wuz Josiah. But we thanked him
+warm, very warm, warmer than the weather, and that stood more'n ninety
+in the shade.
+
+And I told him--for I see that he really meant what he said--I told him
+that the chance of comin' in there and settin' down in that cool, big
+room, once in a while, as a change from our dry oven, would be a boon.
+And I didn't know but it would be the means of savin' our two lives, for
+meltin' did seem to be our doom and our state ahead on us, time and time
+agin.
+
+And he spoke right up in his pleasant, sincere way, and said, "The more
+we used it the more it would please him."
+
+And then he opened the doors of a big bookcase--all carved off the doors
+wuz, and the top, and the beautiful head of a white marble female
+a-standin' up above it. And he sez--
+
+"Here are a good many books that are fairly lonesome waiting to be read,
+and you are more than welcome to read them."
+
+Wall, I thanked him agin, and I told him that he wuz too good to us. And
+I couldn't settle it in my own mind what made him act so. Of course, not
+knowin' at that time that I favored his mother in my looks--his mother
+he had worshipped so that he kep her room jest as she left it, and
+wouldn't have a thing changed.
+
+But I didn't know that, as I say, and I said to my Josiah, after we went
+back into our room--
+
+Sez I, "It must be that we do have a good look to us, Josiah Allen, or
+else that perfect stranger wouldn't treat us as he has."
+
+"Perfect stranger!" sez Josiah. "Why, we have neighbored with him 'most
+a week. But," sez he, "you are right about our looks--we are dum
+good-lookin', both on us. I am pretty lookin'," says he, firmly, "though
+you hain't willin' to own up to it."
+
+Sez he, "I dare presoom to say, he thought I would be a sort of a
+ornament to his rooms--kinder set 'em off. And you look respectable,"
+sez he, sort o' lookin' down on me--
+
+"Only you are too fat!" Sez he, "You'd be quite good-lookin' if it
+wuzn't for that."
+
+And then we had some words.
+
+And I sez, "It hain't none of our merits that angel looks at; it is his
+own goodness."
+
+"Wall, there hain't no use in your callin' him an angel. You never
+called me so."
+
+"No, indeed!" sez I; "I never had no occasion, not at all."
+
+And then we had some more words--not many, but jest a few. We worship
+each other, and it is known to be so, all over Jonesville, and Loontown,
+and Zoar. And I spozed by that time that Chicago wuz a-beginnin' to wake
+up to the truth of how much store we sot by each other. But the fairest
+spring day is liable to have its little spirts of rain, and they only
+make the air sweeter and more refreshin'.
+
+Wall, from that time, every now and then--not enough to abuse his
+horsepitality, but enough to let him know that we appreciated his
+goodness--when our dry oven become heated up beyend what we could seem
+to bear, we went into that cool, delightful room agin, and agin I
+feasted my eyes on the lovely pictures on the wall; most of all on that
+beautiful sunset scene down by the laughin' stream.
+
+And as hot and beat out as I might be, I would always find that pretty
+girl a-standin', cool and fresh, and dretful pretty, by the old bar
+post, with her orburn hair pushed back from her flushed cheeks, and a
+look in her deep brown eyes, and on her exquisite lips, that always put
+me dretfully in mind of somebody, and who it wuz I could not for my life
+tell.
+
+Josiah used to take a book out of the bookcase, and read. Not one glance
+did I ever give, or did I ever let Josiah Allen give to them other rooms
+that opened out of this, nor into anything or anywhere, only jest that
+bookcase. We didn't abuse our priveleges; no, indeed!
+
+And Josiah would lean back dretful well-feelin', and thinkin' in his
+heart that it wuz his good looks that wuz wanted to embellish the room,
+and I kep on a wonderin' inside of myself what made Mr. Freeman so
+oncommon good to us, till one day he told us sunthin' that made it
+plainer to us, and Josiah Allen's pride had a fall (which, if his pride
+hadn't been composed of materials more indestructible than iron or gutty
+perchy, it would have been broke to pieces long before, so many times
+and so fur had it fell).
+
+But Mr. Freeman one day showed us a picture of his mother in a little
+velvet case. And, sez he to me--
+
+"You look like her; I saw it the first time I met you."
+
+And I do declare the picture did look like me, only mebby--_mebby_ I
+say, she wuzn't quite so good-lookin'.
+
+Yes, I did look like his mother. And then I see the secret of his
+interest in, and his kindness to me and mine.
+
+And Mr. Freeman wuz raised up in my mind as many as 2 notches, and I
+don't know but 3 or 4. To think that he loved his mother's memory so
+well as to be so kind for her sake, for the sake of a fleetin' likeness,
+to be so good to another female.
+
+But Josiah Allen looked meachin'. I gin him a dretful meanin' look. I
+didn't say nothin', only jest that look, but it spoke volumes and
+volumes, and my pardner silently devoured the volumes, and, as I say,
+looked meachin' for pretty near a quarter of a hour.
+
+And that is a long time for a man to look smut, and conscience-struck.
+It hain't in 'em to be mortified for any length of time, as is well
+known by female pardners.
+
+But we kep on a-goin'. And every single time I went into that beautiful
+room, whether it wuz broad daylight or lit up by gas, every single time
+the face of that tall slender girl, a-standin' there so calm by the
+crystal brook, would look so natural to me, and so sort o' familiar,
+that I almost ketched myself sayin'--
+
+"Good-evenin', my dear," to it, which would have been perfectly
+ridiculous in me, and the very next thing to worshippin' a graven image.
+
+And what made it more mysterious to me, and more like a circus (a
+solemn, high-toned circus), wuz, to ketch ever and anon, and I guess
+oftener than that, Mr. Freeman's eyes bent on that pretty young face
+with a look as if he too recognized her, and wanted to talk to her. And
+some, too, he looked as if she wuz dead and buried, and he wuz
+a-mournin' deep for her, _very_ deep.
+
+As curious a look as I ever see; and if I hain't seen curious looks in
+my time, then I will say nobody has. Yes, indeed! I have seen curious
+looks in my journey through life, curious as a dog, and curiouser.
+
+But there she stood, no matter what looks wuz cast on her from friend or
+foe--and I guess it would sound better to say from friend or lover, for
+nobody could be a foe to that radiant-faced, beautiful creeter.
+
+There she stood, in sun or shade, knee-deep in them fresh green grasses,
+a-lookin' off onto them sunset clouds always rosy and golden, by the
+side of that streamlet that always had the sparkle on its tiny waves.
+
+I might be tired and weak as a cat, and Mr. Freeman might have the
+headache, and Josiah Allen be cross, and all fagged out--
+
+But her face wuz always serene, and lit up with the glow of joy and
+health, and her sweet, deep eyes always held the secret that she
+couldn't be made to tell.
+
+Mr. Bolster was a stout, middle-aged man, with bald head, side whiskers,
+and a double chin. And his big blue eyes kinder stood out from his face
+some. He was a real estate agent, so Miss Plank said. But his principal
+business seemed to be a-praisin' up Chicago, and a-puffin' up the
+World's Fair.
+
+Good land! Columbus didn't need none of his patronizin' and puffin' up,
+and Chicago didn't, not by his tell.
+
+Josiah wuz dretful impressed by him. We didn't lead off to the Fair
+ground the next day after our arrival. No; at my request, we took life
+easy--onpacked our trunks and got good and rested, and the mornin'
+follerin' we got up middlin' early, bein' used to keepin' good hours in
+Jonesville, and on goin' down to the breakfast-table we found that there
+wuzn't nobody there but Mr. Bolster. He always had a early breakfast,
+and drove his own horse into the city to his place of business.
+
+He looked that wide awake and active as if he never had been asleep, and
+never meant to.
+
+And my companion bein' willin', and Mr. Bolster bein' more than willin',
+they plunged to once into a conversation concernin' Chicago, Miss Plank
+and I a-listenin' to 'em some of the time, and some of the time
+a-talkin' on our own hook, as is the ways of wimmen.
+
+Mr. Bolster--and I believe he knew that we wuz from York State, and did
+it partly in a boastin' way--he begun most to once to prove that Chicago
+wuz the only place in America at all suitable to hold the World's Fair
+in.
+
+And I gin him to understand that I thought that New York would have been
+a good place for it, and it wuz a disapintment to me and to several
+other men and wimmen in the State to not have it there.
+
+But Mr. Bolster says, "Why, Chicago is the only place at all proper for
+it. Why," sez he, "in a way of politeness, Chicago is the only place for
+it. In what other city could the foreigners be welcomed by their own
+people as they can here?" Sez he--
+
+"In Chicago over 75 per cent of the population is foreign."
+
+"Yes," sez Josiah, with a air as if he had made population a study from
+his youth.
+
+But he didn't know nothin' about it, no more than I did.
+
+Sez Mr. Bolster, "Out of a population of a little over a million
+200,000, we have nine hundred and 14,000 foreigners. That shows in
+itself that Chicago is the only city calculated to make our foreign
+friends feel perfectly at home."
+
+"Yes," sez Josiah, "that is very true."
+
+But I sez to Miss Plank, "There is other folks I like jest as well as I
+do my relations, and if they had thought so much on 'em, why didn't they
+stay with 'em in the first place?"
+
+And Miss Plank kinder looked knowin' and nodded her head; she couldn't
+swing right out free, as I could, bein' hampered by not wantin' to
+offend any of her boarders.
+
+Sez Mr. Bolster, "Chicago has the most energetic and progressive people
+in the world. It hain't made up, like a Eastern village, of folks that
+stay to home and set round on butter-tubs in grocery stores, talkin'
+about hens. No, it is made up of people who dared--who wuz too
+energetic, progressive, and ambitious, to settle down and be content
+with what their fathers had. And they struck out new paths for
+themselves, as the Pilgrim Fathers did.
+
+"And it is of these people, who represent the advancin' and progressive
+thought of the day, that Chicago is made up. It embodies the best energy
+and ambition of the Eastern States and of Europe."
+
+"Yes," sez Josiah, "that is jest so."
+
+And then, sez Mr. Bolster, "Chicago is, as is well known, in the very
+centre of the earth."
+
+[Illustration: "Chicago is the very centre of the earth."]
+
+"Yes," sez Josiah.
+
+But I struck in here, and couldn't help it, and, sez I, "That is what
+Boston has always thought;" and, sez I, candidly, "That is what has
+always been thought about Jonesville."
+
+He looked pityin'ly at me, and, sez he, "Where is Jonesville?"
+
+And I sez, "Jest where I told you, in the very centre of the earth, as
+nigh as we can make out."
+
+"How old is the place?" sez Mr. Bolster.
+
+Sez I proudly, "It is more than a hundred and fifty years old, for Uncle
+Nate Bently's grandfather built the first store there, and helped build
+the first Meetin'-House; and," sez I, "Uncle Nate is over ninety."
+
+"How many inhabitants has it?" sez he briskly.
+
+And then my own feathers had to droop; and as I paused to collect my
+thoughts, Josiah spoke up--he is always so forward--and, sez he, "About
+200 and 10 or 11."
+
+But I sez, with dignity, "Perhaps I know more about some things than
+you do, Josiah. There may be, by this time, one or two more
+inhabitants."
+
+Sez Mr. Bolster, "A growth of about 200 in one hundred years! Chicago is
+about half as old, and has one million eight hundred thousand
+population. In ten years the population has increased 108 per cent, and
+property has increased in the same time 656 per cent, the greatest
+growth in the world."
+
+He regarded Jonesville as he would a fly in dog days. He went right by
+it.
+
+"As I was saying, we say nothing about Chicago but what we can prove.
+Look on the map and you will see for yourself that Chicago is right in
+the centre of the habitable portion of North America. Put your thumb
+down on Chicago, and then sweep round it in an even circle with your
+middle finger, and you will see that it takes in with that sweep all the
+settled portion of North America."
+
+"Yes," sez Josiah, with a air as if he had proved it with his thumb and
+finger, time and agin, but he hadn't no such thing.
+
+Sez Mr. Bolster, "We say nothing about our City that we can't prove. As
+Chicago is in the very centre of productive North America, so it is the
+centre of population of the United States.
+
+"It is the centre of the raw materials for manufactures, cotton, wool,
+metals, coal, gas, oil fields, all sorts of food. And as it is the
+centre of supply, so it is of distribution--60 railroads and branches
+bring freight and carry out manufactured products to every part of the
+country--to say nothing of the great number of lines of water
+transportations--connecting with all parts of the world. Why, last year
+Chicago had 50 per cent more arrivals and clearances than New York. It
+is the greatest shipping place in America. And," sez Mr. Bolster, "not
+only can we prove that Chicago is the centre of the world for
+manufactures, but it is the healthiest place to live in."
+
+And then agin I spoke out, and, sez I, "I always hearn that it was built
+on low, swampy ground."
+
+"Yes," sez Mr. Bolster cheerfully, "that is the reason why it is
+healthy. The ground was originally low and wet, and so it was elevated,
+filled in. Why, just before the great fire we lifted up all the houses,
+in the best part of the city, on jack-screws for eight feet, and filled
+the ground under them. The idea of lifting up a whole city eight feet
+and making new ground under it! There never was such an undertaking
+before since the world began.
+
+"And then the fire come, and the city was rebuilt just as we wanted it.
+Why, the death-rate of Chicago is lower than almost any city of the
+world except London--it is just about the same as that. Then," sez he,
+"our climate is perfect; it is so temperate and even that folks don't
+have to spend all their energies in keeping warm, as they do in colder
+climates, nor is it so warm that they have to spend their vital energies
+in fanning themselves."
+
+Sez Josiah, "I had ruther mow a beaver medder in dog days than to fan
+myself--it wouldn't tire me so much."
+
+Sez Mr. Bolster, "The climate is _just_ right to call forth the prudent
+saving qualities to provide for the winter; and warm enough to keep them
+happy and cheerful looking forward to bounteous harvests."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "it got burnt up, anyway."
+
+It fairly provoked me to see him look down so on all the rest of the
+world.
+
+"Yes," sez he, "that is another evidence of the city's marvellous power
+and resources. Find me another city, if you can, where in a few hours
+200 millions of dollars were burnt up, two thousand 100 acres burnt
+over, right in the heart of a big city, with a loss of two hundred and
+ninety million dollars, and then to have it spring up in a marvellously
+short time--not only as good as new, but infinitely better; so much
+better that the disaster proved to be an untold blessing to the city."
+
+Truly, as I see, swamps couldn't dround out his self-conceit, nor fire
+burn it up.
+
+And I knew myself that Chicago had great reason to be proud of her
+doin's, and I felt it in my heart, only I couldn't bear to see Mr.
+Bolster act so haughty.
+
+And I sez to my pardner, with quite a lot of dignity, "I guess it is
+time we are goin', if we get to the Fair in any season."
+
+And Mr. Bolster to once told us what way would be best for us to go. A
+good-natured creeter he is, without any doubt.
+
+But jest as we wuz startin' I happened to think of a errent that had
+been sent me by Jim Meesick, he that wuz Philura Meesick's brother.
+
+He wanted to get a place to work somewhere in Chicago, through the Fair,
+so's to pay his way, and gin him a chance to go to the Fair.
+
+I had already asked Miss Plank about it, but she didn't know of no
+openin' for him, and I happened to think, mebby Mr. Bolster, seein' he
+knew everything else, might know of a place where Jim could get work.
+
+And, sez I, "He is handy at anything, and I spoze there are lots of
+folks here in Chicago that hire help. I spoze some of 'em have as many
+as four or five hired men apiece."
+
+Sez I, "There are them in Jonesville, durin' the summer time, who employ
+as high as two men by the day, besides the regular hired man, and I
+spoze it is so here."
+
+"Yes," sez he; "Mr. Pullmen has five thousand four hundred and fifty
+hired men, and Philip Armoor has seven thousand seven hundred and
+seventy-five."
+
+Wall, there wuz no more to be said. Bolster had done what he sot out to
+do--he had lowered my pride down lower than the Queen of Sheba's ever
+wuz, by fur. I had no sperit left in me. He might have gone on to me by
+the hour, and I not sensed it.
+
+But I didn't let on how I felt. I only sez weakly, "Wall, they hain't
+a-sufferin' for help, I guess, and I'll write to Philura so."
+
+But Bolster, good-natured agin, sez, "I will look round, and see what I
+can do for him." And he snatched out a note-book, and writ his name
+down. And I thanked him, and weakly follered my companion from the
+room.
+
+And I felt that if the door had been much smaller I could have got out
+of it. I felt very diminutive--very--almost tiny. But I got over it
+pretty soon. I felt about my usial size as we descended the stairs and
+stood on the steps, ready to sally out and take the street cars that wuz
+to transport our bodys to the Christopher Columbus World's Fair.
+
+But while we wuz a-standin' there a-lookin' round to see jest which wuz
+the best way to go to get to the corner Miss Plank had directed us to,
+Mr. Bolster come down the steps spry and active as a young cat, and, sez
+he--
+
+"My carriage is waiting to take me to my orfice, and I will be glad to
+take you both in, and take you past some of our city sights, and I will
+leave you at a station where the train will take you right to the
+grounds."
+
+So we accepted his offer, Josiah with joy and I with a becomin' dignity,
+and the carriage sot off down the street.
+
+And what follers truly seems like a dream to me, and so duz the talk
+accompanyin' it. The tall buildin's we looked at, one of 'em 260 feet
+high, 20 storys--elevators that carry 40,000 passengers--and a garden on
+the roof, a garden 260 feet in the air, where you can set and talk and
+eat nut-cakes, and fried oysters--the idee!
+
+And then the block that Mr. Bolster said wuz the largest business block
+in the world, it accomidated 6000 people. And then we went by big
+meetin'-housen, and other big housen, whose ruffs seemed so high that it
+seemed as if you could stand up on the chimblys and shake hands with the
+man in the moon, and neighbor with him.
+
+And then the talk I hearn--22 miles of river frontage sweepin' up from
+the lake into the heart of the city, where the giant elevators unload
+their huge traffic. He told us what the revenue of the city wuz yearly,
+$25,000,000, 25 millions--the idee!
+
+And Jonesville, fifty years older than Chicago, thinks she has done well
+if she has 3 dollars and 25 cents in her treasury.
+
+Why, that man used so many immense sums in his talk, that I got all
+muddled up, and a ort seemed to me almost like a million--I felt queer.
+
+And then the system of Parks and Boulevards, the finest in the
+world--100 miles of them beautiful pleasure drives. I believe, from what
+I see afterwards, that he told the truth, for no city, it seems to me,
+could improve on that long, broad, beautiful way, smooth and
+tree-bordered, edged with stately homes, leadin' into the matchless
+beauty of the Parks.
+
+But anon, when I felt that I wuz bein' crushed down beneath a gigantic
+weight of figgers, and estimates, elevators, population, hite, depth,
+underground tunnels, and systems of drainage--though every one of 'em
+wuz a grand and likely subject and awful big--but I felt that I wuz
+a-bein' crushed by 'em--I felt that the Practical, the Real wuz a
+crushin' me down--the weight, and noise, and size of the mighty iron
+wheel of Progress, that duz roll faster in Chicago than in any other
+place on earth, it seems to me. But I felt so trodden down by it, and
+flattened out, that I thought I would love to see sunthin' or other
+different, sunthin' kinder spiritual, and meditate a spell on some of
+the onseen forces that underlays all human endeavor.
+
+So, at my request, we went out of our way a little, so I could set my
+eyes on that Temple dreamed out by a woman and wrought a good deal by
+faith, some like the walls of Jericho, only different, for whereas they
+fell by faith, this wuz riz up by it.
+
+And my feelin's as I looked at that Temple wuz large and noble-sized as
+you will find anywhere.
+
+A Temple consecrated not so much to the Almighty in Heaven, who don't
+need it, as to God in Humanity--to the help of the Divine as it shows
+itself half buried and lost in the clay of the human--a help to relieve
+the God powers from the trammels of the fiend--
+
+A Temple--not so much to set, and pray, and sing in, about the beauties
+of our Heavenly home, as to build up God's kingdom on earth, show forth
+His praise in helpin' His poor, and weak, and sinful.
+
+My feelin's wuz a sight--a sight to behold, as I sot and looked at
+it--that tall, noble, majestic pile, and thought of the way it wuz
+built, and what it wuz built for.
+
+But as we drove on agin, my mind got swamped once more in a sea of
+immense figgers that swashed up agin me--elevators that carry grain up
+to the top of towerin' buildin's, 10,000 bushels a hour, and then come
+down its own self and weigh itself, and I guess put itself into bags and
+tie 'em up--though he didn't speak in particuler about the tyin' up.
+
+And then he praised their stores--one of 'em which employed 2,000,400
+men. And then he praised up their teliphone system, so perfect that
+nothin' could happen in any part of the city without its bein' known to
+once at police headquarters.
+
+And then he praised up agin and agin the business qualities and
+go-ahead-it-ivness of the people, and how property had riz.
+
+"Why," sez he, "Chicago and three hundred miles around it wuz bought for
+five shillings not so long ago as your little town was founded, and now
+look at the uncounted millions it represents."
+
+And then he boasted about the Board of Trade, and said its tower wuz 300
+feet high. And, sez he, "While folks all over the world are prayin' for
+their daily bread, the men inside that building was deciding whether
+they could get it or not."
+
+And after he talked about everything else connected with Chicago, and
+hauled up figgers and heaped 'em up in front of me till my brain reeled,
+and my mind tottered back, and tried to lean onto old Rugers'
+Rithmatick--and couldn't, he wuz so totally inadequate to the
+circumstances--he mentioned "that they had 6000 saloons in Chicago, and
+made twenty-one million barrels of beer in a year."
+
+"Wall," sez I, a-turnin' round in the buggy, "my brain has been made a
+wreck by the figgers you have brung up and throwed at me about the
+noble, progressive doin's of Chicago, and," sez I firmly, "I wuz willin'
+to have it, for I respect and honor the people who could do such
+wonders, and keepon a-doin' 'em, to the admiration of the world. But,"
+sez I, "my brain _shall not_ totter under none of your beer and whiskey
+statisticks." And as I spoke I put my hand to my fore-top, and I looked
+quite bad, and truly I felt so.
+
+He glanced at me, and see that I wuz not in a situation to be trifled
+with.
+
+And as we wuz jest approachin' the station where we wuz to be left, he
+ceased his remarks, and held his horse in.
+
+He helped me to alight, and I thanked him for his kindness, and acted as
+polite as a person could whose brain lay a wreck in the upper part of
+her head. The last word Mr. Bolster said to us wuz, as he gathered up
+the reins, sez he:
+
+"Thirty-six lines of cars come to and leave Chicago, which, with its
+immense shipping facilities, makes it the--"
+
+But the cars tooted jest then, and I didn't hear his last words, and I
+wuz glad on't, as I say, I had thanked him before.
+
+But good land! he would have carried two giraffes or camels willin'ly if
+he could have got 'em into his buggy, and sot 'em up by him on the seat,
+and could have boasted to 'em understandin'ly about Chicago. But I guess
+he is well-meanin'.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+
+Wall, after he left us we boarded some cars, and found ourselves, with
+the inhabitants of several States, I should judge, borne onwards towards
+the White City.
+
+And anon, or about that time, we found ourselves at a depot, where wuz
+the entire census of several other States, and Territories.
+
+There we wuz right in front of the Gole, and I don't believe there wuz a
+better-lookin' Gole sence the world begun.
+
+The minute we left the cars we found ourselves between two lines of
+wild-lookin' and actin' men, a-tryin' to sell us things we hadn't no
+need on.
+
+What did I want with a cane? or Josiah with a little creepin' beetle?
+And what did I want with galluses?
+
+They didn't use no judgment, and their yellin's wuz fearful; whatever
+else they had, they didn't have consumption, I don't believe.
+
+After payin' our two fares, a little gate sort o' turned round and let
+us in to the Columbian World's Fair--that marvellous city of magic; and
+anon, if not a little before, the Adminstration Buildin' hove up in
+front of us.
+
+All the descriptions in the World can't give no idee of the wonderful
+proportions of the buildin's and the charm of the surroundin's. The
+minute you pass the gate you are overwhelmed with the greatness, charm,
+and nobility, the impressive, onspeakable aspect of the buildin's.
+
+The stucco, of which most of the buildin's are composed, made it
+possible for the artist and the architect to carry out their idees to a
+magnitude never before attempted. It is a material easy to be moulded
+into all rare and artistic shapes and groupin's, and still cheap enough
+to be used as free as their fancy dictated, and is as beautiful as
+marble.
+
+Colossial buildin's, beautiful enough for any Monarch, and which no
+goverment on earth wuz ever rich enough to carry out in permanent form.
+
+Wall, as I said, the Adminstration Buildin' wuz the one that hove up
+directly in front of us.
+
+[Illustration: The Adminstration Buildin' hove up directly in front
+of us.]
+
+It towers up in the circumambient air with its great gilded dome, and
+seems to begen to us all to come and pass through it into the marvels
+beyend.
+
+This buildin' is like a main spring to a watch, or the pendulum to a
+gigantick clock--it regulates the hull of the rest of the works. Here is
+the headquarters of the managers of the World's Fair--the fire and
+police departments--the press, and them that have charge of the foreign
+nations.
+
+Here is a bank, post-office, and the department of general information
+about the Fair.
+
+And never, never sence the creation of the world has old General
+Information had a better-lookin' place to stay in.
+
+Why, some folks call this high, magnificent buildin', with its great
+shinin' dome, the handsomest buildin' amongst that city of matchless
+palaces. It covers four acres, every acre bein' more magnificent than
+the other acres. Why, the Widder Albert herself gin Mr. Hunt, the
+architect, a ticket, she was so tickled with his work.
+
+The dome on top of it is the biggest dome in the world, with the
+exception of St. Peter's in Rome. And it seemed to me, as I looked up at
+the dome, that Peter might have got along with one no bigger than this.
+
+Howsumever, it hain't for me to scrimp anybody in domes. But this wuz
+truly enormious.
+
+But none too big, mebby, for the nub on top of the gate of the World's
+Fair. That needs to be mighty in size, and of pure gold, to correspond
+with what is on the inside of the gate.
+
+But never wuz there such a gorgeous gate-way before, unless it wuz the
+gate-way of Paradise.
+
+Why, as you stood inside of that dome and looked way up, up, up towards
+the top, your feelin's soared to that extent that it almost took you
+offen your feet.
+
+Noble pictures and statutes you see here, too. Some on 'em struck
+tremendious hard blows onto my appreciation, and onto my head also.
+
+And a-lookin' on 'em made me feel well, dretful well, to see how much my
+sect wuz thought on in stun, and canvas, and such.
+
+There wuz Diligence, a good-lookin' woman, workin' jest as she always
+has, and is willin' to; there she sot a-spinnin' and a-bringin' up her
+children as good as she knew how.
+
+Mebby she wuz a-teachin' a Sunday-school lesson to the boy that stood by
+her.
+
+He had his arms full of ripe fruit and grapes. I am most afraid for his
+future, but she wuz a-teachin' him the best she could; you could see
+that by her looks.
+
+Then there wuz Truth, another beautiful woman, a-holdin' a lookin'-glass
+in her hand, and a-teachin' another little boy. Mebby it wuz the young
+Future she wuz a-learnin' to tell the truth, anyway, no matter how much
+it hurt him, how hard it hit aginst old custom and prejudices. He wuz
+a-leanin' affectionate on her, but his eyes wuz a-lookin' away--fur off.
+Mebby he'll hear to her, mebby he will--he's young; but I feel kinder
+dubersome about it.
+
+She held her glass dretful high. Mebby she laid out that Uncle Sam
+should see his old features in it, and mebby she wuz a-remindin' him
+that he ortn't to carve woman as a statute of Truth, and then not be
+willin' to hear her complaints when she tries to tell him about 'em, in
+his own place, where he makes his laws, year in and year out.
+
+If he believes she is truthful--and he must, or he wouldn't name her
+Truth and set her up so high for the nations to look at--what makes him,
+year after year, act towards wimmen as if he believed she wuz a-lyin'?
+It is onreasonable in him.
+
+And then there wuz Abundance, a woman and a man. I guess they had an
+abundance of everything for their comfort, and it looked real good to
+see they wuz both a-sharin' it.
+
+She wuz a-settin' in a chair, and he wuz on the floor. That might do for
+a Monument, or Statute, but I don't believe they would foller it up so
+for day after day in real life, and they hadn't ort to. Men and wimmen
+ort to have the same settin' accommodations, and standin' too, and ort
+to be treated one of 'em jest as well as the other. They are both likely
+creeters, a good deal of the time.
+
+Then there wuz Tradition. Them wuz two old men, as wuz nateral--wimmen
+wuzn't in that--woman is in the future and the present. Them two men,
+a-lookin' considerable war-like, wuz a-talkin' over the past--the deeds
+of Might.
+
+They didn't need wimmen so much there, and I didn't feel as if I cared a
+cent to have her there.
+
+When they git to talkin' over the deeds of _Right_, I'd want wimmen to
+be present. _And she will be there._
+
+And then there wuz Liberty, agin a woman, beautiful and serene,
+a-depicterin' Liberty, and agin a-holdin' her arms round a young male
+child, and a-teachin' him.
+
+That, too, filled me with high hope, that Uncle Sam had at last
+discovered the mean actions that wuz a-goin' on about wimmen; that he
+had seen the chains that wuz a-bindin' her, and a-gaulin' her.
+
+He wouldn't be likely to depicter her as Liberty, and set her up so high
+in the gate-way to the World's Fair, if he calculated to keep her on in
+the slavery she is now, a-bindin' her with her own heart-strings--takin'
+away her power to help her own heart's dearest, in their fights aginst
+the evils and temptations of the World.
+
+No, I believe Uncle Sam is a-goin' to turn over a new leaf--anyway,
+Liberty sot up there, a-lookin' off with a calm mean, and there wuz a
+smile on her face, as if she see a light in the future that begened to
+her.
+
+And then, there wuz Charity; of course she wuz a woman--she always is.
+
+She had two little boys by her; one had his hand on her heart, and that
+faithful heart wuz filled with love and pity for him, jest as it always
+has been, and always will be. Another wuz a-kneelin' at her feet, with
+her fosterin' hand on his head. A good-lookin' creeter Charity wuz, and
+well behaved.
+
+Joy seemed to be enjoyin' herself first rate. Her pretty face seemed to
+answer back the music that the youth at her feet wuz a-rousin' from his
+magic flute.
+
+Theology wuz a wise, reverend-lookin' old man, a-thinkin' up a sermon,
+or a-thinkin' out some new system of religion, I dare presoom to say,
+for his book seemed to be half closed, and he wuz lost in deep thought.
+
+He looked first rate--a good and well-behaved old man, I hain't a doubt
+on't.
+
+Then, there wuz Patriotism--a man and a woman. He, a-standin' up ready
+to face danger, or die for his country; she, with her arms round him,
+a-lookin' up into his face, as if to say--
+
+"If you must go, I will stay to home with a breakin' heart, and take
+care of the children, and do the barn chores."
+
+They both looked real good and noble. Mr. Bitters done first
+rate--Josiah couldn't have begun to done so well, nor I nuther.
+
+Then there wuz a dretful impressive statute there, a grand-lookin' old
+man, with his hand uplifted, a-tellin' sunthin' to a young child, who
+wuz a-listenin' eagerly.
+
+I d'no who the old man wuz; there wuz broad white wings a-risin' up all
+round him, and it might be he wuz meant to depicter the Recordin'
+Angel; if he wuz, he could have got quills enough out of them wings to
+do all his writin' with.
+
+And it might be that it wuz Wisdom instructin' youth.
+
+And it might be some enterprisin' old goose-raiser a-tellin' his oldest
+boy the best way to save the white wings of ganders.
+
+But I don't believe this wuz so. There wuz a riz up, noble look on the
+old man's face that wuz never ketched, I don't believe, with wrestlin'
+with geese on a farm, and neighbors all round him.
+
+No, I guess it wuz the gray and wise old World a-instructin' the young
+Republic what to do and what not to do.
+
+The child looked dretful impetuous and eager, and ready to start off any
+minute, a good deal as our country does, and I presoom wherever the
+child wuz a-startin' for it will git there.
+
+A noble statute. Mr. Bitters did first rate.
+
+But when I git started on pictures and statutes--I don't know where or
+when to stop.
+
+But time hastens, and to resoom.
+
+As I reluctantly tore myself away from the glory and grandeur inside,
+and passed through the buildin' to the outside, and a full view of the
+Court of Honor busted on to our bewildered vision, I did--I actually
+did feel weak as a cat.
+
+Never agin--never agin will such a seen glow and grow before mine eyes,
+till the streets of the New Jerusalem open before my vision.
+
+Beyend that wide Plaza, that long basin of clear sparklin' water, dotted
+all over its glowin' bosom with fairy-like gondolas, and gondolers,
+dressed in all the colors of the rainbow, or picturesque launches, with
+their gay freight of happy sightseers. And here and there, jest where
+they wuz needed, to look the best, wuz statutes and banners and the most
+gorgeous fountain that ever dripped water.
+
+Then the broad flights of snowy marble steps risin' from the water to
+the green flowery terraces, and then above them the magnificent white
+wonders of the different buildin's.
+
+And standin' up aginst the sky, and the blue waters of the lake, the
+tall ivory columns of the Perestyle stood, like a immense beautiful
+screen, to guard this White City of magic splendor.
+
+And risin' from the blue waters of the Basin stands the grand figure of
+the Republic, towerin' up a hundred feet high, lookin' jest as she ort
+to look. Calm, stately, but knowin' in her heart jest what she had done,
+and jest what she hadn't done, knowin' jest what she had to be proud
+on, if she only let her mind run on't.
+
+But there wuz no high-headedness, no tostin' of her neck. No, fair and
+stately and serene as a dream Queen, she stood a fittin' centre for the
+onspeakable beauty of her surroundin's.
+
+It wuz all perfect, everything--no flaw in the perfect harmony of the
+seen. No limit to its onapproachable beauty. Yes, the glory of that seen
+as it bust onto my raptured vision will go with me through life, and
+won't never be outdone and replaced by anything more perfect, till that
+rapt hour when the mortal puts on immortality, and the glory that no eye
+hath seen busts on my glorified vision.
+
+And as we wended onwards and got still further views of the matchless
+wonders of the Columbus World's Fair--wall, I gin in, and felt and said,
+that I spozed I had had emotions all my life, and sights of 'em; why, I
+have had 'em as high as from 70 to 80 a minute right along for a hour on
+a stretch--sometimes when I have been rousted up about sunthin'.
+
+But when I stood stun still in my tracts, and the full glory and beauty
+of that seen of wonder and enchantment broke onto my almost enraptured
+vision, I gin up that I never had had a emotion in my hull life, not
+one, nothin' but plain, common breathin's and sithes.
+
+When I see these snowy palaces, vast and beautiful and dreamlike, risin'
+up from the blue waters, and their pure white columns and statuary
+reflected into the mirrow below, and the green beauty of the Wooded
+Island, and the tall trees a-dottin' them here and there--
+
+And when I see the lagoon a-windin' along, and arched over with bridges,
+like the best of the beauty of Venice born agin, perfect and fresh in
+the heart of the New World--
+
+When I beheld the immense quantity of shrubs and flowers of every kind
+known to the world--
+
+And all along the blue waters of the Grand Basin, surrounded by the
+magnificence and glory of these beautiful palaces--the fountains
+a-sprayin' up, and waters a-flashin', and banners a-flyin', and the tall
+white statutes a-standin' on every side of us a-watchin' us with their
+still eyes, to see how we took in the transcendent seen, and how we
+appeared under the display--wall, I stood, as I say, stun still in my
+tracts, and sez to myself--
+
+"It would be jest as easy to comprehend the wonder of this Exposition by
+readin' about it, as it would be for any one to try to judge Niagara by
+lookin' at a pan of dishwater."
+
+They are both water, but different, fur different.
+
+And you have got to take in the wonder and majesty of the sight, through
+the pores as it wuz, through all your soul, not at first, but it has got
+to grow and soak in, and make it a part of yourself.
+
+And then, when you have, you hain't a-goin' to describe it--words can't
+do it; you can walk through it and talk about the size of the buildin's,
+and the wonders of the display, but that hain't a-goin' to describe it,
+no more than the pan of dishwater can explain Niagara.
+
+You can converse about Niagara, the depth, the eddies, the swirl of the
+waters, the horseshoe falls, the rainbow that rises over it, the grotto,
+the slate-stun on the banks below, and so forth, and so forth, and so
+on.
+
+And how to show off the might and rush of the volume of water that
+shakes the earth, the mountain of shinin' mist that floats up to the
+wonderin' and admirin' heavens--how to paint this wonderful and
+inexpressible glory by tongue, how to put in words that which is
+mightier than any words that wuz ever said or sung! Wonder and awe,
+overwhelmin' sensation that makes the pulse stop and then beat agin in
+bounds.
+
+When you paint a picture showin' the full power and depth of a mother's
+love; when you can paint the ardor and extacy that inspires the hero's
+soul as he leads the forlorn hope, and dies with his face to the foe--
+
+Then you may try to describe Niagara; no pen, no tongue can describe
+this ever rushin', ever old and ever new Wonder of the new world.
+
+And no more can any pen describe the World's Fair, the tall, towerin'
+fruit of the four-century tree of civilization, and liberty, and equal
+rights.
+
+You can talk about the buildin's--how they are made, how long and wide
+they are. You can talk about the lagoons, the Grand Basin, the Bridges,
+the Statutes, the Fountains, the wonders of the flowers and foliage, the
+grandeur of the display, and so forth, and so forth, and so forth.
+
+But how to describe this as a hull, its immensity, its concentrated
+might of material, practical beauty and use, that moves the world with
+its volume and power--
+
+Or the more wonderful forces and influences that arise from it, like a
+gold mist seekin' the Heavens, to fall in showers of blessin's to the
+uttermost ends of the earth--knowledge, wisdom, and beauty, of Freedom,
+and Individual Liberty, Educational, Moral, and Beneficent
+influences--who is a-goin' to describe all this?
+
+I can't, nor Josiah, nor Miss Plank, nor nobody. No, Mr. Bolster
+couldn't.
+
+Why, jest a-lookin' at it cracked the Old Liberty Bell, and I don't
+wonder. I spoze she tried to swing out and describe it, and bust her old
+sides in the attempt; anyway, that is what some think. The new crack is
+there, anyway. Who'd a thought on't--a bell that has stood so many
+different sights, and kep herself together? But I wuzn't surprised a
+mite to think it wuz too much for her--no, nobody could describe it.
+
+[Illustration: She bust her old sides in the attempt.]
+
+I know Miss Plank couldn't, for we met her there, or ruther she come
+onto us, as I stood stun still and nearly lost, and by the side of
+myself, and I felt so queer that I couldn't hardly speak to her. I don't
+know but she thought I felt big and haughty, but good land! how mistook
+she wuz if she thought so! I felt as small as I stood there that very
+minute, as one drop of milk in the hull milky way.
+
+But when my senses got kinder collected together, and my emotions got
+quelled down a little, I passed the usual compliments with Miss
+Plank--"How de do?" and so forth.
+
+And she proposed that we should go round a little together--she said
+that she had been here so many times, that she felt she could offer
+herself as our "Sissy Roney."
+
+She looked at Josiah as she spoke kinder kokettish, and I thought to
+myself, You are a-actin' pretty kittenish for a woman of your age.
+
+"Sissy!" Sez I to myself, the time for you to be called "sissy"
+rightfully lays fur back in the past--as much as fifty years back,
+anyway. As for the "Roney," I didn't know what she _did_ mean, but
+spozed it wuz some sort of a pet name that had been gin her fur away in
+that distant past.
+
+And I spozed she had brung it up to kinder attract Josiah Allen; but,
+good land! if his morals hadn't been like iron for solidity, I knew that
+for her to try to flirt wuz like a old hen to try to bite; they don't
+have no teeth, hens don't, even when they are young, and they won't be
+likely to have any when they are fifty or sixty years old. So I looked
+on with composure, and didn't take no notice of her flirtacious ways,
+and I consented to her propisition, and Josiah did too. That man hadn't
+been riz up by his emotions as I had, by the majesty and glory of the
+scene--no, he felt pretty chipper; and Miss Plank, after she quieted
+down a little, and ceased talkin' about her girlish days, she could
+think, even in that rapt hour, of pancakes; for she mentioned, when I
+spoke of how high the waters of the fountain riz up, "Yes," sez she--
+
+"Speakin' of risin', I left some pancakes a-risin' before I left home;"
+and she wondered if the cook would tend to 'em.
+
+Pancakes! in such a time as this.
+
+And then Josiah proposed to go and see the live stock, and Miss Plank
+said dreamily that she would like to go to a certain restaurant at the
+fur end of the grounds to see the cookin' of a certain chef; she had
+heard it went ahead of anything in America.
+
+"Chef"--I didn't want to act green, but I did wonder what "chef" wuz. I
+thought mebby it wuz chaff she meant, and I spozed they had got up some
+new way to cook chaff.
+
+I would liked to seen it and tasted of it, but Duty begened to me, and I
+followed her blindly, and I sez, as I planted my umbrell firm down on
+the ground, sez I--
+
+"Here I take my stand; I don't often stand out and try to have my way--"
+
+Here Josiah gin a deep groan out to one side, but he no need to--I spoke
+truth, or pretty near the truth, anyway.
+
+Sez I, "Here I take my stand!" and I brung down my good cotton umbrell
+agin firmly, as if to punctuate my remarks, and add weight to it, and I
+wuz so earnest that before I knew it I fell into a fervid
+eloquence--catched from my old revolutionary 4 fathers, I spoze--and,
+sez I--
+
+"I care not what course others may take--"
+
+"But," sez Miss Plank, "we will hang together in such a crowd as this."
+
+"Yes," sez Josiah; "you mustn't go wanderin' off by yourself, Samantha;
+it hain't safe."
+
+I wuz brung down some, but I kep on with considerable eloquence, though
+it wuz kinder drizzlin' away onbeknown to me, such is the power of
+environment.
+
+Sez I, "I care not what course others may take, I will go first to the
+place my proud heart has dwelt on ever sence the Fair wuz opened--
+
+"I will go first to the Woman's Buildin', home of my sect, and my proud
+ambition and love."
+
+Miss Plank demurred, and said "that it wuz some distance off;" but I
+held firm--Josiah see that I wuz firm--and he finally gin in quite
+graciously, and, sez he--
+
+"I don't spoze it will take long, anyway, to see all that wimmen has
+brung here--and I spoze the buildin' will be a sight--all trimmed off
+with ornaments, and flowers, and tattin'; mebby they will have lace all
+festooned on the outside."
+
+Sez he, "I always did want to see a house trimmed with bobinet lace on
+the outside, and tattin' and ribbin streamers."
+
+I wouldn't dain a reply; he did it to lower my emotions about wimmen.
+
+But it wuz impossible. So we turned our bodies round and set off north
+by northwest.
+
+Agin Miss Plank mentioned the distance, and agin my Josiah spoke
+longin'ly of the live stock.
+
+And I sez with a calm dignity, "Josiah, you are not a woman."
+
+"No," sez he, "dum it all, I know I hain't, and so there hain't much
+chance of my gettin' my way."
+
+I kep on calmly, and with the same lofty mean, "You are not a woman, and
+therefore you can't tell a woman's desires that go with me, to see the
+glorification of her own sect, in their great and lofty work, and the
+high thrones on which they have sot themselves in the year of our Lord,
+1893; I am sot," sez I, "I am sot as ever the statute of America is on
+her marble pedestal, jest so solid am I riz up on the firm and solid
+foundation of my love, and admiration, and appreciation for my own
+sect."
+
+And so, as I say, we turned round in our tracts and went back round that
+noble Adminstration Buildin'--
+
+Josiah a-talkin' anon or oftener about what he expected to see in the
+Woman's Buildin', every one on 'em light and triflin' things, such as
+gauzes, and artificial flowers, and cossets, and high-heel shoes, and
+placks, and tattin', and etc.
+
+And I anon a-answerin' his sneerin' words, and the onspoken but fatigued
+appeals in Miss Plank's eyes, by sayin'--
+
+"Do you suppose I would hurt the feelin's of my sect, do you suppose I
+would mortify 'em before the assembled nations of the earth, by
+slightin' 'em, by not payin' attention to 'em, and makin' 'em the first
+and prime object of my distinguished and honorable consideration?
+
+"No, indeed; no, indeed!"
+
+So we went on at a pretty good jog, and a-meetin' every single person in
+the hull earth, every man, woman, and child, black and white, bond and
+free, lame and lazy, or it did seem so to my wearied and bewildered
+apprehenshion.
+
+And I sez to myself mekanicly, what if conflagrations should break out
+in Asia, or the chimbly get afire in Australia, or a earthquake take
+place in Africa, or a calf get into the waterin' trough at Jonesville,
+who would git it out or put 'em out?
+
+Everybody in the hull livin' world is here; the earth has dreaned off
+all its livin' inhabitants down into this place; some of the time I
+thought mebby one or two would be left in Jonesville, and Loontown, and
+the hind side of Asia, and Hindoostan; but as I wended on and see the
+immense crowd, a-passin' out of one buildin' and a-passin' in to
+another, and a-swarmin' over the road and a-coverin' the face of the
+water, I sez to myself--
+
+"No, there hain't a soul left in Hindoostan, or Jonesville, not one; nor
+Loontown, nor Shackville, nor Africa, nor Zoar."
+
+It wuz a curious time, very, but anon, after we had wended on for some
+distance, and Miss Plank looked some wilted, and Josiah's steps dragged,
+and my own frame felt the twinges of rheumatiz--
+
+Miss Plank spoke up, and sez she, "If you are bound on going to the
+Woman's Building first, why not take a boat and go around there, and
+that will give you a good view of the buildings."
+
+I assented to her propisition with alacrity, and wondered that I hadn't
+thought of it before, and Josiah acted almost too tickled.
+
+That man loves to save his steps; and then, as I soon see, he had
+another idee in his head.
+
+Sez he, "I always wanted to be a mariner--I will hire a boat and be your
+boatman."
+
+"Not with me for a passenger, Josiah Allen," sez I. "I want to live
+through the day, anyway; I want to live to see the full glory of my
+sect; I don't want to be drownded jest in front of the gole."
+
+He looked mad--mad as a hen; but he see firmness in my mean, so we went
+back, and down a flight of steps to the water's edge, and he signalled a
+craft that drew up and laid off aginst us--a kinder queer-shaped one,
+with a canopy top, and gorgeous dressed boatmen--and we embarked and
+floated off on the clear waters of the Grand Basin. Oh! what a seen that
+would have been for a historical painter, if Mr. Michael Angelo had been
+present with a brush and some paint!
+
+Josiah Allen's Wife a-settin' off for the express purpose of seein' and
+admirin' the work of her own sect, and right in front of her the grand
+figger of Woman a-standin' up a hundred feet high; but no higher above
+the ordinary size of her sect wuz she a-standin' than the works of the
+wimmen I wuz a-settin' out to see towered up above the past level of
+womankind. Oh, what a hour that wuz for the world! and what a seen that
+wuz for Josiah Allen's Wife to be a-passin' through, watched by the
+majestic figger of Woman.
+
+The green, tree-dotted terraces bloomin' with flowers a-risin' up from
+the blue water, and above the verdent terraces the tall white walls of
+them gorgeous palaces, a-risin' up with colonades, and statutes, and
+arabesques, and domes, and pinnacles, and on the smooth white path that
+lay in front of 'em, and on every side of 'em, the hull world a-walkin'
+and a-admirin' the seen jest as much as we did. And if there wuzn't
+everything else to look at and admire, the looks of that crowd wuz
+enough--full enough--for one pair of eyes; for they wuz from every
+country of the globe, and dressed in every fashion from Eve, and her men
+folks, down to the fashions of to-day.
+
+And anon we would come to a bridge gracefully arched over the water, and
+float under it, and then sail on, and on, and on, past the vast palace
+45 acres big, and every single acre of 'em majestic and beautiful more
+than tongue can tell or give any idee on, and then by some more of them
+matchless marvels of housen crowned with pinnacles, and domes, and
+wavin' banners, and then by the electrical buildin', with white towers,
+and battlements, and sculptured loveliness, on one side of us, and, on
+the other, that beautiful Wooded Island, that is a hantin' dream of
+beauty inside of a dream of matchless loveliness.
+
+Acres and acres of flowers of every kind and color; the perfume floated
+out and wrapped us round like a sweet onseen mantilly, as we floated
+past fur dim isles of green trees, with domes and minarets a-risin' up
+above the billows of emerald richness, and then anon, under another
+bridge, and more of them enchantin' wonders of Art, and on, under
+another one, and another.
+
+And my emotions all of the time wuz what no man might number, and as for
+the size of 'em, there hain't no use of talkin' about sortin' 'em out,
+or weighin' 'em--no steel yards on earth could weigh the little end on
+'em, let alone weighin' the hull caboodle of 'em.
+
+No Rasfodist that ever rasfodized could do justice to the transcendent
+grandeur that shone out on every side of us.
+
+No, the rasfodist would have to set down and hold up his hands before
+him, as I have done sometimes before a big pile of work, when I have
+seen a wagon load of visitors a-stoppin' at the gate to stay all day.
+
+I have just clasped my hands and sez, "Oh dear me!"
+
+Or in aggravated cases I would say, mebby,
+
+"Oh dear me suz!"
+
+And that wuz about all I could say here.
+
+Yes, my feelin's, I do believe, if they could have been gazed on, would
+have been jest about as a impressive a sight to witness as the Columbian
+Fair.
+
+But anon my rapt musin's wuz broke into sudden; I heard as through a
+dream a voice say--
+
+"If she forgets to take the dough off from the dry oven, the pancakes
+will run over."
+
+"_Pancakes!_"
+
+It wuz like Peri in Paradise callin' for root-beer; it brung me down to
+the world agin, and anon I heard my pardner say--
+
+"Wall, I wish I had a few of 'em this minute, Miss Plank."
+
+Eatin' at such a time as this--the idee!
+
+But I wuz brung clear down, and I don't know but it wuz jest as well,
+for it wuz time for us to alight from our bark.
+
+And with the feelin's I had ever sence I started, I wuz that riz up that
+I could almost expect to step over the lagoon at one stride and swing my
+foot clear over the hull noble flight of marble steps, and the wide
+terrace, and land in front of the Woman's Buildin'. With my head even
+with its highest cupalo, I wuz fearfully riz up, and by the side of
+myself.
+
+But these allusions to pancakes had brung me down, so I stepped meekly
+out on to the broad, noble flight of steps, and the full beauty of the
+Woman's Buildin' riz up in front of us.
+
+Even Josiah wuz impressed with the simple, noble perfection of that
+buildin'. I heard him say--
+
+"By Crackey! not a bit of lace or tattin'; not a streamer of ribbin.
+Well done for wimmen; they have riz up for once above gauzes, and
+flummeries, and ornaments."
+
+"No," sez I; "if you want to look at ornament, you might look at the
+Adminstration Buildin', designed by a man. Men love ornament, Josiah
+Allen."
+
+He quailed; he hadn't forgot the pink necktie he wanted to adorn
+himself with, and the breastpin he wanted to put on that mornin'.
+
+The waters of the lagoon in front of the buildin' is as wide as a bay;
+from the centre of this rises the grand landin' and staircase, leadin'
+to a terrace six feet above the water.
+
+The first terrace is laid out in glowin' flower-beds, and anon, green
+flowerin' shrubs, above which the ivory white balustrade shines out,
+separatin' it from the upper terrace.
+
+And along the upper terrace, about one hundred feet back, the beautiful
+Woman's Buildin' rises, with a background of stately old oak trees.
+
+This most artistic and beautiful buildin' consists of a centre pavilion,
+flanked at each end by corner pavilions, connected by open corridors
+forming a sheltered and beautiful walk the hull length of the structure.
+On goin' through a wide lobby you come into a vast open rotunda reachin'
+clear up to the top of the buildin', where the sunlight falls down most
+graciously through a richly ornamented skylight. This rotunda is
+surmounted by a two-story open arcade, as delicate and refined in its
+beauty as the outside of the buildin', givin' light and air in abundance
+to all of the rooms openin' into the interior space. On the first floor,
+on the right hand, is located a model kindergarten; on the left, a
+model horsepital. You see, these two things are attended to the first
+thing by wimmen.
+
+Wimmen have always had to take time by the forelock and do the most
+important things first, or she never would be done with her work.
+
+Before she tackled the ironin', or dishwashin', or piecin' up bedquilts,
+or knittin', she has always had to dress, and nurse, and take care of
+the children, make them comfortable, and take care of the sick; had to,
+or it wouldn't be done.
+
+And she wuzn't goin' to stop her good, tender, motherly doin's here--not
+at all. No; the children, the future hope of our country, the Lord's
+work laid onto mothers, is on the _right_ side.
+
+Here are shown the very latest and best helps in takin' care and
+trainin' up these little immortals, teachin' them to be good first, and
+then wise, and healthy all the time--the most important work in the hull
+world, in my estimation; for the children we spank to-day will hold the
+destinies of the human race in their hands to-morrow.
+
+Yes, on the right hand the children; on the left hand is a model
+horsepital, not merely a exhibit, but a real horsepital, at full work in
+its blessed and sanctified labor, a-takin' care of the sick and
+smoothin' the brows racked with agony, alleviatin' the distresses of the
+frame racked with pain.
+
+What another good work! Can a man show anything at their hull Columbus
+World's Fair--anything that will equal these two blessed labors?
+
+No; he can show lots of knowledge and wisdom, and he can show guns, and
+cannons, and pistols, boey-knives, to cut and slash; but it is woman's
+work (blessed angel that she is, a good deal of the time), it is them
+that shows this broad, efficient system of relieving the hurts and
+distresses of the world. Besides the most skilled of our own country,
+foreign nations send their best-trained nurses from their trainin'
+schools, showin' the latest and most perfect methods of relievin' pain
+and agony.
+
+And not contented with showin' off here what they could do, and how they
+do it--not content with makin' this one big room a perfect nest for
+female good Samaritans--a carin' for the sick and dyin'--
+
+They have soared out of this room--60 by 80 feet couldn't confine
+'em--they have located all over the grounds horsepitals to care for them
+who are took sick here at Columbuses doin's, and, good creeters, I
+suppose they will have their hands full, specially in dog days.
+
+Yes, woman begun her work jest as she ort to, right on the ground
+floor--on the right, the children; on the left, the sick and helpless.
+
+Right opposite the main front is the library, furnished by the wimmen of
+New York. It is one of the largest and finest rooms in the house, and
+every book in it writ by a woman.
+
+And right here I see my own books; there they wuz a-standin' up jest as
+noble and pert as if they wuz to home in the what-not behind the parlor
+door, not a-feelin' the least mite put out before princes, or zars.
+A-standin' jest as straight in front of a king as a cow-boy, not
+a-humpin' themselves up in the latter instance, or a-meachin' in the
+more former one.
+
+I felt proud on 'em to see their onbroken dignity and simplicity of
+mean. And, thinkses I, the demeanor of them books is a lesson to
+Republics--how to act before Royalties; not a-backin' up and a-actin',
+not put out a mite, not forward, and not too backward--jest about megum.
+
+A-keepin' right on in their own spear, jest as usial, not intrudin'
+themselves and a-pushin', but ready to greet 'em and give 'em the best
+there wuz in 'em, if occasion called for it, and then ready to bid 'em a
+calm, well-meanin' farewell when the time come to part.
+
+It wuz a great surprise to me, and how they got there wuz a mystery. But
+I spoze the nation collected 'em together and sot 'em up there because
+it sets such a store by me. It is dretful fond of me, the nation is, and
+well it may be. I have stood up for it time and agin, and then I've done
+a sight for it in the way of advisin' and bracin' it up.
+
+As I stood and looked at them books I got carried a good ways off
+a-ridin' on Wonder--a-wonderin' whether them books had done any good in
+the world.
+
+I'd wanted 'em to, I'd wanted 'em to like a dog. Sometimes I'd felt real
+riz up a-thinkin' they had, and then agin I've felt dubersome.
+
+But I knew they had gin great enjoyment, I'd hearn on't. Why, the
+minister up to Zoar had told me of as many as seven relations of hisen,
+who, when they wuz run down and weak, and had kinder lost their minds,
+had jest clung to them books.
+
+In softenin' of the brain now, or bein' kicked on the head, or nateral
+brain weakness--why, them books are invaluable, so I spoze.
+
+But to resoom. The corner pavilion, like all the rest of the buildin',
+have each a open colonade above the main cornice. Here are the hangin'
+gardens, and also the committee rooms of the lady managers.
+
+This palace of beauty wuz designed by a woman--woman has got to have the
+credit for everything about it.
+
+A woman designed the hull buildin'; a woman modelled the figgers that
+support the ruff; a woman won fairly in competition the right to
+decorate the cornice. The interior decoration, much of it carved work,
+is done by wimmen; panels wuz carved by wimmen all over the country and
+brought here to decorate the walls.
+
+And not only decorated, but in a good many rooms the woodwork wuz
+finished by wimmen. California has a room walled and ceiled with redwood
+by wimmen.
+
+And wimmen of all the States, from Maine and Florida, have joined to
+make the place beautiful. Even the Indian wimmen made richly embroidered
+hangin's for the doors and windows.
+
+The wimmen managers wuz the first wimmen that wuz ever officially
+commissioned by Congress, and never have wimmen swung out so, or, to be
+poetical, never have they cut so wide and broad a swath on the seedy old
+fields of Time, as they do to this Fair. They can exhibit with the best
+of the contestants, men or wimmen, and by act of Congress represent
+their own sect on the Jury of Award.
+
+Congress did the fair thing by wimmen in this matter. Let him step up
+one step higher on the hill of justice, and gin 'em the right to set on
+the jury of award or punishment when their own honor is at the stake.
+
+It has let wimmen tell which is the best piece of woosted work, or
+tattin'; now let her be judged by her peers when life or death is the
+award meted out to 'em. But to resoom.
+
+The Gallery of Honor is the centre hall of the buildin', and runs almost
+the entire length, and openin' out of it is the display that shows that
+wimmen wuz really the first inventors and producers of what wuz useful
+as well as beautiful, and that men took up the work when money could be
+made from it.
+
+Here is the work of the first and rudest people, but all made by female
+wimmen--the rough, hard buds of beauty and labor; and in the Central
+hall, like these buds open in full bloom and beauty, is the fruit of the
+most advanced thought and genius.
+
+The interior glows with soft and harmonious colors, and chaste
+ornamentation.
+
+Mrs. Candace Wheeler, of New York, had charge of the decoration, which
+is sayin' enough for its beauty, if you didn't say anything else, and
+Illinois and the rest of the world wuz grand helpers in the work of
+beauty.
+
+The Gallery of Honor, the central hall of the buildin', runs almost the
+entire length. The noble, harmonious beauty of this room strikes you as
+you first enter, some as it would if you come up sudden out of the
+woods, a-facin' a gorgeous sunset--or sunrisin', I guess, would be a
+suitabler metafor.
+
+The colorin' of this room is ivory and gold, in delicate and beautiful
+designs. But the pictures that cover the walls adds the bright tints
+neccessary to make the hull picture perfect.
+
+The beautiful panels on the side walls are the work of American artists.
+One, on the west side, by Amanda Brewster Sewall, represents an Algerian
+pastural seen, showing country maids tendin' their flocks; which proves
+that Algerian girls are first-rate lookin', and that dumb brutes in
+Algeria, though it is so fur from Jonesville, have got to be tended to,
+and that wimmen have got to tend to 'em a good deal of the time.
+
+The other paintin', on the same side, is the work of Miss Fairchild, of
+Boston, and it shows our old Puritan 4 Mothers hard to work, a-takin'
+care of their housen and doin' up the work. Likely old creeters they
+wuz, and industrius.
+
+Opposite, on the east side, is a panel by Mrs. Lydia Emmet
+Sherwood--another group of wimmen; good-lookin' wimmen they be, all on
+'em. And the other panel, by Miss Lydia Emmet, shows the interior of a
+studio, with young females a-studyin' different arts that are useful and
+ornamental, and calculated to help themselves and the world along. At
+the north end of this great gallery is a large panel by Mrs. MacMonnies,
+wife of the sculptor, representin' Primitive Wimmen. A-showin', plain as
+nobody less gifted than she could, jest how primitive wimmen used to be.
+
+Opposite, on the south side, is a companion piece by Miss Cassette, of
+Paris, called Modern Wimmen, and a-showin' up first rate how fur wimmen
+have emerged from the shadders of the past.
+
+The centre panel depicters a orchard covered with bright green grass,
+and graceful female wimmen a-gatherin' apples offen the tree.
+
+Apples of knowledge, I spoze, but different from Eve's--fur different;
+these wuz peaceful Knowledge, Literature, Art, and all beautiful and
+useful industries.
+
+A smaller panel describes Music and Dancin' in a charmin' way.
+
+On the other side of the central panel are several maidens pursuin' a
+flyin' figger.
+
+Mebby it wuz the Ideal. If it wuz, I wuz glad to see them young females
+a-follerin' it up so clost. But girls will be more apt to catch her,
+when they leave off cossets, and long trains, and high-heeled shoes
+(metafor). But these seemed to be a-doin' the best they could, anyway.
+
+A border in rich colors went all round the picture, and in the corners
+wuz medallions all full of sweet babies--perfect cherubs of loveliness.
+
+In some things the picture mebby could have been bettered a
+little--mebby the ladder wuzn't quite stiddy enough--mebby I should
+ruther have not clumb up it. But the colorin' of the picture is superb.
+So rich and gorgus that it put me in mind of our own Jonesville woods in
+September, when you look off into the maple forests, and your eyes would
+fairly be dazzled with the blaze of the colors, if they wuzn't so soft
+and rich, and blended into each other so perfect.
+
+Yes, Miss Cassette done real well, and so did Mrs. MacMonnies, too.
+
+And all round this room hung pictures that filled me with delight, and
+the proudest kind of pride, to think my own sect had done 'em all--had
+branched out into such noble and beautiful branchin's, for the statutes
+wuz jest as impressive as the pictures. There wuz one statute in the
+centre of the main corridor that I liked especially.
+
+It wuz Maud Muller. As I looked on Maud, I thought I could say with the
+Judge, when he first had a idee of payin' attention to her--
+
+"A sweeter face I ne'er have seen." And I thought, too, I could read in
+Maud's face a sort of a sad look, as if the shadder Pride, and Fate,
+held above her, wuz sort o' shadin' her now. Miss Blanche Nevins done
+first rate, and I'd loved to told her so.
+
+And then there wuz a statute of Elaine that rousted up about every
+emotion I had by me.
+
+There she wuz, "Elaine the fair," the lovable, the lily maid of Astolot.
+
+I always thought a sight of her, and I've shed many a tear over her
+ontimely lot. I knew she thought more of Mr. Lancelot than she'd ort to,
+specially he bein' in love with a married woman at the same time.
+
+Her face looked noble, and yet sweet, riz up jest as it must have been
+when she argued with her pa about the man she loved.
+
+"Never yet was noble man, but made ignoble talk;
+  He makes no friends who never made a foe."
+
+And down under the majesty of her mean wuz the tenderness and pathos of
+her own little song; for, as Alfred Tennyson said, and said well,
+"Sweetly could she make, and sing."
+
+"Sweet is true love, though given in vain, in vain;
+ And sweet is Death, who puts an end to pain.
+ I know not which is sweeter--no, not I."
+
+There wuzn't hardly a dry eye in my head as I stood a-lookin' at Elaine.
+
+And jest at this wropped moment I heard some voices nigh me that I
+recognized a-sayin' in glad and joyous axents, "How do you do, Josiah
+Allen's Wife?"
+
+I turned and met seven glad extended hands, and thirteen eyes lookin' at
+mine, in joyous welcome, besides one glass eye (and you couldn't tell
+the difference, it wuz so nateral--Oren bought the best one money could
+git when his nigh eye wuz put out by a steer gorin' it). Yes, it wuz
+Oren Rumble and Lateza, his wife, and the hull of the family--the five
+girls, Barthena, Calfurna, Dalphina, Albiny, and Lateza.
+
+But what a change had swep' over the family sence I had last looked on
+'em!
+
+I could hardly believe my two eyes when I looked at their costooms, for
+the hull family had dressed in black for upwards of 'leven years, and
+Jonesvillians had got jest as ust to seein' 'em as they wuz a-seein' a
+flock of crows in the spring.
+
+And I do declare it wuz jest as surprisin' to me to see the way they wuz
+rigged out as it would be to see a lot of crows a-settlin' down on our
+cornfield with red and yeller tail feathers.
+
+To home they didn't go nowhere, only to meetin'--the mother bein' very
+genteel, comin' down as she did from a very old and genteel family.
+Dretful blue blood I spoze her folks had--blue as indigo, I spoze. And
+she didn't think it wuz proper to go into society in mournin'
+clothes--she thought it would make talk for mourners to git out and
+enjoy themselves any in crape.
+
+Oren wuz naterally of a lively disposition, and loved to visit round,
+and it made it bad for him. But he felt quite proud of marryin' such a
+aristocratic woman, and so he had to take the bitter with the sweet.
+
+Besides their bein' so old, she had come from a mournin' family--her
+folks always mourned for everybody and everything they could. (You know
+some families are so, and I spoze they git some comfort out of it. And
+black duz look real respectable, but considerable gloomy.)
+
+Their house wuz always shet up, and Oren walked round (rebellin' inside)
+under a mournin' weed.
+
+And the six wimmen was all swathed in crape, and the hull house smelt of
+crape and logwood.
+
+As I sez more formally, Lateza was brung up to it. She wuz ready to
+mourn on the slightest pretext, and mourn jest as long and stiddy as
+possible.
+
+Wall, black _wuz_ becomin' to her. Bein' tall and spindlin', black sot
+her off, and crape draperies sort o' rounded off her figger and made her
+look some impressive.
+
+And she loved to stay at home--she wuz made that way.
+
+But I always felt that if she wanted to make a raven of herself for
+life, she no need to dye the feathers of the hull family in logwood, and
+tie 'em all up clost to the nest.
+
+Oren had chafed aginst it bitterly, but he bore the sable yoke until the
+youngest girl, Lateza (and mebby she inherited some of the aristocratic
+sotness of her mother with the name)--
+
+Anyway, when she come home from school she come dressed in gay colors.
+She had on a yeller woosted dress with sky-blue trimmin's, a pink hat, a
+lilock veil, and a bunch of flowers in her bosom--too many colors to
+look well, but she did it to break her yoke.
+
+This kinder stunted the mother, so she wuz easier to handle, bein'
+kinder dazed.
+
+So they took her off to a Christian Science meetin', and got her
+converted the first thing.
+
+This broke her chain, for they don't believe in mournin' as one without
+hope, and they believe in wanderin' round and seein' the beautiful world
+all you can, and takin' some comfort while you are in it.
+
+So while the zeal of the convert wuz on her, and she didn't feel like
+disputin', the girls made her some red dresses, and some yeller ones,
+and had some white streamers put onto a white bunnet she had. And they
+bought themselves the most gorgeous and gay clothin' Jonesville and
+Loontown afforded. Oren is well off, and he wouldn't stent 'em in such a
+cause as this--no, indeed!
+
+And Oren bought some bright, gay-lookin' suits, and some brilliant
+neckties--pale blue silk, with red polka dots on 'em, and some
+otter-colored ones.
+
+He had on the day we met him a bright plaid suit and a red necktie
+spangled with yeller, hangin' out kinder loose in front.
+
+And Oren bought a three-seated carriage, and they jest scoured the hull
+country--went to all the parties they could hear on, and the fairs, and
+camp-meetin's, and such. They wuz on the go the hull time; and Lateza
+Alzina got to likin' it as much as Oren did.
+
+I don't spoze they wuz to home hardly enough to eat their meals whilst
+they wuz in Jonesville; they had a good hired girl, so they wuz free to
+wander all they wuz a mind to.
+
+This summer Lateza Alzina told me that they had been up to the upper end
+of Canada and British America on a tower, and come home round by Lake
+Champlain, and Lake George, and Saratoga; they'd stayed there three
+weeks, and then they went home and hurried and got ready for the Fair.
+They come the first day it wuz opened in the mornin', and laid out to go
+home the last day of the Fair along in the night, so Oren said.
+
+They all looked real happy, but some fagged out from seein' so much.
+
+I'm dretful afraid that the pendulum, havin' swung too fur on one side,
+is a-goin' too fur on the other; it is nater.
+
+But mebby they'll settle down and be more megum when the pendulum gits
+kinder settled down some, and its vibration ceases to be so vibratin'.
+
+Anyway, I'm glad to see 'em a-steppin' out of their weeds, and I told
+'em so.
+
+Sez I, "You wuz in mournin' a awful while, wuzn't you?"
+
+Oren fairly gritted his teeth, and before Lateza Alzina could speak, he
+busted out--
+
+"By Vum! I've mourned all I'm a-goin' to! I've staid penned up in the
+house all I'm a-goin' to!
+
+"I've quit it, by Vum! First my stepfather passed away. I never liked
+him--he always imposed on me; but we all went into deep mournin', staid
+out of society--jest shet ourselves up in a black jail for years.
+
+"Then my mother-in-law left me--then three years more of solid black and
+solid stayin' to home.
+
+"Then, at the end of the third year, we kinder quit off and begun to
+creep out a little and kinder lighten ourselves up a little; but then my
+wife's brother that she never see died way out to California and left a
+big property, but not a cent to us.
+
+"But the rest of the family wanted to mourn, so my wife had to foller on
+and mourn too.
+
+"And there it wuz agin, another time of gloom--another time of stayin'
+to home.
+
+"Time after time, jest as we got out a little, we had to plunge back
+into gloom agin.
+
+"But now we're out of it, and by Heavens and earth we're a-goin' to stay
+out! There hain't a-goin' to be any more mournin' done in this
+family--not if I know myself, there hain't."
+
+But I sez, "Oren, don't talk so; folks _have_ to mourn; this is a World
+of trials, and grief is nateral to it."
+
+"Wall, I'll mourn in pepper and salt, and I'll mourn out-doors. I hain't
+a-goin' to wind myself up in crape, and shet myself up in a black hole
+no more, mourn or not mourn.
+
+"And I'm a-goin' to laugh when I want to." And he jest laid his head
+back and bust out into a horse-laugh at nothin'.
+
+But they didn't seem to mind it; I guess they wuz ust to it, and the
+girls kinder put in and laughed too. Lateza Alzina didn't laugh out
+loud, but she kinder snickered some.
+
+It made me feel queer.
+
+I see--I see the truth; the bow had been drawed too tight back, and now
+it wuz a-goin' to shoot too fur--way over the mark.
+
+But still I felt that Oren had some truth on his side.
+
+And I sez, "I always felt that you shet yourselves up too much and
+mourned too deep."
+
+"Wall," sez Lateza Alzina, "my folks always brung me up to think that it
+would be apt to make talk if folks went out any while they wuz in
+black."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "I always felt that folks had better set down and
+calculate which would be the most agreeable to 'em, to shet themselves
+up and lose their health, and die, or to let folks talk.
+
+"And then act on them thoughts, and do as they want to with fear and
+tremblin'.
+
+"And," sez I, "folks would talk whilst you wuz dyin', anyway; you can't
+keep folks from talkin'." Sez I, "Like as not they'd say it wuz a guilty
+conscience that made you droop round and stay to home so."
+
+"Wall," sez Lateza Alzina, "I wuz brought up to think that it showed so
+much respect to them that wuz gone to stay to home in black."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "if the ones that wuz gone loved you, they would want you
+to git all the consolation you could whilst you wuz parted. Jest as a
+mother lets her child have some picture-books to comfort it while she
+leaves it a spell.
+
+"And if you loved them," sez I, "their memory would go out-doors with
+you, and go back into the house with you. You would see the beloved
+face lookin' down at you from every mountain you would climb, and the
+shadder of their form would seem to appear in the mist of every valley.
+Every sunset would gleam with the smilin' light of their eyes, and every
+sunrise would begen to you, tellin' you that one more night had gone,
+and you wuz so much nearer to the Eternal Reunion.
+
+"Folks don't have to stay indoors to remember, Lateza. I have remembered
+folks out-doors, it seems to me, more than I ever did in the house.
+
+"And the voice you loved would seem to be a-tellin' you, 'Keep well,
+beloved, so you can do some of my day's work I had to lay down, as well
+as your own, and the meetin' will be all the gladder and more joyous.'
+
+"And as for puttin' on black, the dear remembered voice seems to be
+a-sayin' to me, 'Don't put on the symbol of sorrow for one who has found
+the very secret of happiness, who has left the dark shadders and has
+gone into the great brightness. Don't carry the idee to the world that
+you have lost me, for I am nearer to you than I ever could have been on
+earth, for the clay has only fell off from my soul, leavin' the barrier
+but thin indeed between us now.
+
+"'Don't act as if you wuz mournin' for me, dear heart. Let the world
+see your thought, see the truth we both know, by its reflection in your
+face.'
+
+"These are my idees, Lateza Alzina," sez I; "but howsumever, in this, as
+in every other matter that don't have any moral wickedness in it, let
+everybody be fully persuaded in their own mind, if they have got a mind,
+and do as they want to, if they know what they want to do."
+
+Oren had looked real tickled all the while I had been speakin'. And he
+stood there on his bright plaid legs, and smoothed out the ends of his
+gorgeous necktie with his yeller gloved hand, a happy and triumphant
+mean onto him.
+
+And the girls and their ma stood round him like a flock of gay-plumaged
+birds, or a bokay of brilliant blossoms, and seemed real happified and
+contented.
+
+Wall, they wuz a-boardin' way out to the other end of the city, almost
+'leven milds from there, so they had to leave middlin' early.
+
+And they all come back in the evenin', they said. "They boarded a good
+ways out--they enjoyed the ride so much a-goin' and comin'."
+
+Sometimes I'm afraid the pendulum will break down, it swings so fur, and
+then agin I don't know.
+
+But anyway, they bid me a glad adoo, and the proud and gay Oren led his
+brood off.
+
+And to resoom.
+
+The English Vestibule is decorated with panels painted by the wimmen of
+that country. There wuz one by Mrs. Swimerton, of London, that appealed
+strong to my heart; it was a seen from the temporary hospital at
+Scutori.
+
+Florence Nightingale stood in the foreground--good, pityin' female angel
+that she wuz--and all round her lay sick and dyin' soldiers, and she
+a-doin' all she could to help 'em.
+
+This picture, showin' woman as a Healer and Consoler, is in the centre,
+as it ort to be. On one side of it is a panel called Motherhood, an
+Italian mother a-holdin' a baby in her arms, and on the other side is
+Old Age and Youth, an old female bein' tenderly took care on by the
+beautiful young girl who kneels before her.
+
+On the other side of the vestibule is the paintin's of Mrs. Merritt, of
+London. The centre piece shows a number of likely lookin' young females
+a-studyin' art, and the panels on either side shows young girls and
+older ones all a-studyin' and workin', and doin' the best they could
+with what they had to do with.
+
+Dretful upliftin' to my sect it wuz to look on them pictures, all on
+'em.
+
+Wall, if I'd spent a month I couldn't begin to tell all the contents of
+them rooms--the paintin's and statuary, laces, embroidery, tapestry, and
+etc., and etc., and everything under the sun, moon, and stars, and so
+forth, and so on.
+
+All the works of wimmen from the present age of the world back to that
+wonderful book writ by the Abbess Herrard in the twelfth century, which
+contains about all the knowledge of that date.
+
+And tapestries wrought by hands that have been dust for hundreds and
+hundreds of years. But the work them hands wrought still remains, giving
+the best descriptions of them times we have now, of the manners and
+customs of that fur back time.
+
+They show off the part wimmin have took in philanthropy in all ages.
+They show that all through time that wimmen have been a help-meet. And
+you can see the tender, strong faces of them that have helped the world.
+
+One of the most interestin' things in the hull buildin' wuz the exhibit
+of the Beneficent Societies formed by wimmen all over the world--what
+they have done in war, pestilence, and famine, what they have done in
+wrestlin' with that deadly serpent, whose folds encompass the earth--the
+foulest serpent of Intemperance. What my sect have done banded together
+to promote liberty, to establish religion, and all good works.
+
+The decoration of the big room set apart for the association and
+organizations are strikin'.
+
+Fifty-four organizations of Christian wimmen and workers for
+righteousness in different ways have their headquarters here.
+
+The Wimmen's Christian Temperance Union makes a big display; from post
+to post is extended long links of pledge cards signed by boys and girls
+of forty-four countries--France, Africa, Japan, China, etc., etc., etc.
+
+What links them wuz that bound them children to a future of temperance
+and usefulness! Strong cords a-spreadin' out to the very ends of the
+earth, and a-bringin' them all together and tyin' 'em up to the ramparts
+of Heaven.
+
+Denmark has a display of seven little wimmen a-wearin' the white ribbon.
+
+In the Japanese department hangs a large bell all made of pipes, and
+Josiah sez--
+
+"It's curious that wimmen, who run smokin' so, should have such a lot of
+pipes to sell." Sez he, "I'm most a-mind to buy one, smokin' is gittin'
+so fashionable, and lady-like. Mebby you'd better have one, Samantha."
+
+I looked at him witherin'ly, but he didn't seem to wither any.
+
+But a bystander spoke up and sez, "These are the pipes of opium-smokers,
+who have given up the vile habit. They wuz collected in Japan and
+presented to that noble worker, Mary Allen West."
+
+And the bell rung for the first time at her funeral in way-off Japan,
+where she laid down her sickle on her ripe sheaves, and rested from her
+labors.
+
+(These last lines are my own eppisodin; he simply related the facts.)
+
+There wuz associations on exhibition from all the different countries of
+the globe, of Christian workers of all kinds, in organizations,
+horsepitals, missionary fields, etc. from Loontown clear to Turkey.
+
+The Turkish Compassionate Fund rousted up sights of emotions in me. When
+you looked at the marvellous Oriental embroideries of the Mahommeden
+wimmen, you didn't dispute that their work has devoloped a new art.
+
+You see, them female Turkeys wuz drove from their homes by the Tigers,
+War, and Starvation, and the Baroness Burdette Coutts and Lady Layard
+bought the materials and organized this work. There are two thousand
+engaged in it now.
+
+Madame Zarcoff, who is in charge of it now, has a medal gin her by the
+Sultan, with "Charity" engraved on it in the language of the Turkeys.
+
+I couldn't read it, or Josiah. But she told us what it wuz.
+
+Wall, as I say, there wuz displays of every other kind of Christian
+work, and a-lookin' over them records, and seein' the benign faces of
+them wimmen who had led on the fight aginst the banded powers of
+Hell--why, the tears jest run down my face some like rain water, and
+Josiah asked me anxiously, "If I wuz took with a cramp."
+
+And I sez, "No, fur from it. I am took with the sperit of rejoicin', and
+wonder, and thanksgivin', and everything else."
+
+And he sez, "Wall, I wouldn't stand up and cry; if I wuz a-goin' to cry,
+I would set down to it."
+
+And agin I sez, as I had said before, "Josiah, you're not a woman."
+
+And he sez, "No, indeed; you wouldn't catch a man a-cryin' because he
+wuz tickled about sunthin'; he would more likely snap his fingers, and
+whistle."
+
+But I heeded not his remarks, and we wended onwards.
+
+And I see, with everything else under the sun, moon, and stars, a
+collection of all the kinds of flowers in the country, clear from Maine
+to California; and lots of the flowers preserved in their nateral
+colors.
+
+And if you think this is a easy job, I can tell you that you are very
+much mistaken.
+
+Why, jest a-walkin' over to Miss Alexander Bobbet'ses, acrost lots, I
+have come acrost more than forty different kinds of wild flowers, and
+then, when I got there, I can't begin to tell how many flowers she had
+in her dooryard.
+
+More than a hundred, anyway; and then if I come home by she that wuz
+Submit Tewksbury--why, my 'rithmetic would fairly gin out a-countin'
+before I got home; and then to think of all the broad acres of land,
+hills and valleys, mountains and forests between Oregon, and New Jersey,
+and Maine, and Florida, and California!
+
+Wuz it a easy job that wimmen took on to themselves, then?
+
+No, indeed; no, indeed!
+
+But wimmen are ust to hard jobs, and if she begins 'em she will carry
+'em out and finish 'em; as wuz proved by the cloak we see there, made of
+feathers, that took five years to make.
+
+But when I go to talk about the paintin's, and statutes, and the
+embroideries my sect shows off in that buildin', then agin I draw deep
+breaths full of praise and admiration, sunthin' like sithes, only
+happier ones, to think mine eyes had been permitted to gaze on the
+marvels and wonders my own sect had wrought.
+
+And then I thought of Isabelle, and I thought I would love to have her
+there to neighbor with; thinkses I, if it hadn't been for her we
+wouldn't have been discovered at all, as I know on, and then where would
+have been the Woman's Buildin'? I thought I would love to talk it over
+with her; how, though she furnished the means for a man to discover us,
+yet four hundred years had to wear away before men thought that wimmen
+wuz capable of takin' part in any Internatinal Exposition. I wanted
+Isabelle there that day--I wanted her like a dog.
+
+But my thoughts wuz brought back from my rapt contemplation by my
+companion's voice. He sez:
+
+"By Jocks! I hadn't no idee that wimmen had ever done so much work that
+is useful as well as ornamental." Sez he, "I had read a sight about the
+Lady Managers, and I had got the idee that them ladies couldn't do much
+more than to set down and tend poodles, and knit tattin'. I hadn't no
+idee that they wuz a-goin' to swing out and make such a show as this."
+
+[Illustration: Josiah's "idee" of "them ladies."]
+
+Them remarks of hisen wuz wrung out of him by the glory of the display,
+as the sweet sap is brung out of the maple trees by the all-powerful
+influence and glory of the spring sun, and they show more plain than
+song or poem of the wonders about us.
+
+Josiah don't love to praise wimmen--he hates to. But I answered him
+proudly, "Yes, this Magic Wonder Land o' beauty and practical use wuz
+wrought by Sophia Haydon, and other noble wimmen. They must have the
+credit for everything about it, and for all the work it shows off within
+its borders."
+
+Sez I, "Uncle Sam was a good-actin' creeter for once, anyway, when he
+made that act of Congress about the World's Columbian Exposition. He
+made that body of men appoint a board of Lady Managers--two ladies from
+each State and Territory, and eight lady managers at large, and nine at
+Chicago."
+
+That name "Lady Manager" wuz done by Uncle Sam's over-politeness to the
+sect, and I don't know as Josiah wuz to blame. You would think by the
+name that them ladies wuz a-settin' in rows of gilded chairs, a-holdin'
+a rosy in their hands.
+
+But, in fact, amongst them female managers there wuz one hard-workin'
+doctor and lawyer, real-estate agents, journalists, editors, merchants,
+two cotton planters, teachers, artists, farmers, and a cattle queen.
+
+And you'd think to hear it talked on that there wuz only eight ladies at
+large amongst 'em--that the rest on 'em wuz kinder shet up and hampered.
+But you'd git that idee out of your head after one look in that Woman's
+Buildin'. You'd think that not only the hull board of Lady Managers wuz
+at large, but that every female woman the hull length and breadth of our
+country not only wuz at large, but the wimmen of the hull world. Why,
+connected with this great work is not only the hull caboodle of our own
+wimmen, fur or near--American wimmen, every one on 'em a queen, or will
+be when she gits her rights; besides them wimmen, the Queen of England's
+daughter, the Princess Christian, is at the head of the British wimmen
+at the Fair.
+
+And Queen Victoria herself has sent over some things, amongst 'em them
+napkins of hern, spun and wove by her own hands.
+
+What a lesson for snobbish young ladies, who would think it lowerin' to
+hem a napkin! What would they think to tackle 'em in the flax? And then
+there wuz a hat made by England's Queen, and gin to her grand-daughter;
+and there wuz six pictures painted by her, original sketches from nater.
+One view wuz from the Queen's own room at Balmoral.
+
+And then the Princess of Wales sent a chair of carved walnut,
+upholstered with leather, all the work of her own hands.
+
+What another lesson that is to our lazy, fashionable girls! And Princess
+Maud of Wales sent a embroidered piano stool. And Princess Louise--Miss
+Lorne that now is--and Princess Beatrice sent the work of their own
+brains and hands.
+
+I guess queens have always made a practice of workin'.
+
+Why, I see there--and I could have wept when I seen it if I'd had the
+time--an elegant bedquilt made by poor Mary Queen of Scots. She sot the
+last stitches in it the day before her death.
+
+What queer stitches them must have been--Agony and Remorse a-twistin'
+the thread in the needle.
+
+[Illustration: Queen Victoria sent over some things.]
+
+And then there wuz a piece of embroidery by Queen Marie Antoinette. What
+queer stitches _them_ must have been, if she could have seen the End!
+
+And then there wuz a portrait of Maria de Medici, Queen of France, made
+by herself.
+
+And then there wuz a Bible presented by Queen Anne to the Moravian
+Church of New York, and a Bible of Princess Christian's.
+
+The fine needlework of the wimmen of Greece makes a splendid show. The
+Queen of Greece is at the head of their commission.
+
+The Queen of Italy goes ahead of all the other monarchs; she shows her
+own private collection of lace handkerchiefs, and neckties, and
+mantillys, and so forth. And even her crown laces--them beautiful laces
+that droop down over her regal head-dress when she sets with her crown
+on, and her sceptre held out in her hand.
+
+The Queen of Belgium is at the head of their exposition. And the German
+commission is headed by a Princess.
+
+Wall, you see from what I have said that there wuz a great variety of
+Queens a-showin' off in that buildin'; and as for Baronnesses, and
+Duchesses, and Ladies, etc., etc.--why, they wuz as common there as
+clover in a field of timothy. You felt real familiar with 'em.
+
+The reception-room of Mrs. Palmer, the beautiful President of the
+Woman's Committee, is a fittin' room for the presidin' genius.
+
+All along the walls below the ceilin' runs a design of roses, scattered
+and grouped with exquisite taste. Miss Agnes Pitman, of Cincinnati,
+decorated that room.
+
+In Mrs. Palmer's office is a wonderful table donated by the wimmen of
+Pennsylvania.
+
+In that table is cedar from Lebanon, oak from the yoke of Liberty Bell,
+oak from the good old ship Constitution, from Washington's headquarters
+at Valley Forge, and wood from other noted places.
+
+And none of the woods wuz ever put to better use than now, to hold the
+records of woman's Aspirations and Success in 1893.
+
+The ceilin' of the New York room wuz designed by Dora Keith Wheeler,
+and is beautiful and effective. And the room is full of objects of
+beauty and use.
+
+The gorgeous President's chair from Mexico is a sight; and so to me wuz
+the chair in the Kentucky room, three hundred years old, that used to be
+sot in by old Elder Brewster, of Plymouth.
+
+Good old creeter! if he could have been moved offen that rock of hisen
+three hundred years ago, into this White City, he would have fell out of
+that chair in a fit--I most know he would.
+
+And then there wuz a silk flag made by General Sheridan's mother when
+she wuz eighty years old, and a group of dolls dressed in costooms
+illustrating American history.
+
+And there wuz a shirt of old Peter Stuyvesent's and a baby dress of De
+Witt Clinton's.
+
+I never mistrusted that he wuz ever a baby till I seen that dress. I'd
+always thought on him as the first Governor of New York.
+
+And speakin' of babys--why, I wuz jest a-lookin' at that dress when I
+met Miss Job Presley, of Loontown.
+
+And I sez, almost the first thing, "Where is your baby?"
+
+And she sez, "It is in the Babys' Buildin'. I have got a check for
+her--one for her, and one for my umbrell." And she showed 'em to me.
+
+"Wall," sez I, "that is a good, noble idee to rest mothers' tired arms;
+but it must make you feel queer."
+
+And she said, as she put the checks back into her portmoney, "That it
+did make her feel queer as a dog."
+
+[Illustration: Miss Job Presley.]
+
+Wall, there wuz a table from Pennsylvania, containin' more than two
+thousand pieces of native wood; and there wuz a Scotchwoman with her
+good old spinnin'-wheel, and a Welsh girl a-weavin' cloth.
+
+And inventions of females of all kinds, from a toboggan slide, and a
+system of irrigation, and models of buildin's of all kinds, to a stock
+car.
+
+Why, the very elevator you rode up to the ruff garden on wuz made by a
+woman.
+
+And then there wuz cotton raised and ginned by wimmen of the South, and
+nets by the wimmen of New Jersey, and fruit raised by the wimmen of
+California--the most beautiful fruit I ever sot my eyes on, and wine
+made by her, too.
+
+(I could have wept when I see that, but presoom it wuz for sickness.)
+
+And from Colorado there wuz tracin's of minin' surveys. Wimmen a-findin'
+out things hid in the bowels of the earth! O good land! the idee on't!
+
+And engravin's and etchin's done by wimmen way back to 1581.
+
+And in stamped leather, wall decoration, furniture, it wuz a sight to
+see the noble doin's of my sect; and a exhibit that done my soul good
+wuz from Belva Lockwood, admittin' wimmen to practise in the Supreme
+Court. That wuz better than leather work, though that is worthy, and wuz
+more elevatin' to my sect than the elevator.
+
+The British exhibit is arranged splendidly to show off wimmen's noble
+work in charity, education, manafacture, art, literature, etc., and
+amongst their patents is one for a fire-escape, and one to extract gold
+from base metals. Both of these are good idees, as there can't anybody
+dispute.
+
+Another exhibit there that appeals strong to the feelin' heart wuz Kate
+Marsdon's Siberian leper village.
+
+She is a nurse of the Red Cross, and her heart ached with pity for them
+wretched lepers, in their dretful lonely huts in the forests of
+Siberia.
+
+She went herself to see their awful condition, and tried to help 'em;
+she raised money herself for horsepitals and nurses.
+
+[Illustration: Relics of Kate Marsdon.]
+
+Here is a model of the village, with church, horsepital, schoolhouse,
+store, and cottages for them that are able to work.
+
+Here is the saddle she wore durin' her long, dretful journey to Siberia,
+and the knife she carried, and some of the miserable, hard black bread
+she had to eat.
+
+Here are letters to her from Queen Victoria, and the Empress of Russia.
+
+But a Higher Power writ to her, writ on her heart, and went with her
+acrost the dark fields of snow and ice.
+
+Wall, after lookin' at everything under the sun, from a Lion's Head, by
+Rosa Bonhuer, to a piece of bead-work by a Injun, and every queer and
+beautiful Japan thing you ever thought on, or ever didn't think on, and
+everything else under the sun, moon, and stars, that wuz ever made by a
+woman--and there is no end to 'em--we went up into the ruff garden,
+where, amidst flowers, and fountains, and fresh air, happy children wuz
+a-playin', with birds and butterflies a-flyin' about 'em over their
+heads.
+
+The birds couldn't git out, nor the children either, for up fifteen
+feet high a wire screen wuz stretched along, coverin' the hull beautiful
+garden. Nothin' could git in or out of it but the sweet air and the
+sunshine.
+
+Oh, what a good idee! You could see that the Woman's Buildin' wuz full
+of beautiful, practical idees, from the ground floor to the very top; as
+you could see plain by this that the children wuz thought on and cared
+for, from the bottom to the top of this palace. Some say that wimmen
+soarin' out in art and business makes 'em hard and ontender; you can see
+that this is a plain falsehood jest by walkin' once through the Woman's
+Buildin'.
+
+If ever wimmen soared out in art and business, and genius, and
+philanthropy, and education, and religion, she does here; and from the
+floor to the ruff is the highest signs of her tenderness for the
+children, and all weak and helpless ones.
+
+Oh, what emotions I had in that buildin', and of what a immense size!
+Some of the time I got lost and by the side of myself, a-thinkin' such
+deep and high thoughts about the World's Fair, and wimmen, etc., and
+they wuz so fur-reachin', too; it wuz a sight.
+
+For I knew on that openin' day, when the hammer struck that marvellous
+golden nail, and this world of treasures opened at the signal--I knew
+that the echo of that blow wuzn't a-goin' to die out on Lake Michigan. I
+knew that at its echo old Prejudice, and Custom, and Might wuz a-goin'
+to skulk back and hide their hoary heads; and Young Progress, and
+Equality, and Right wuz a-goin' to advance and take their places.
+
+Stiflin', encumberin' veils wuz a-goin' to fall from the sad eyes of the
+wimmen of the East. Chains wuz a-goin' to fall from the delicate wrists
+of the wimmen of the West.
+
+I hailed that sound as helpin' forward the era of Love, Peace, goodwill
+to men and wimmen.
+
+Yes, it wuz a happy hour for her who was once Smith, when man, in the
+shape of President Cleveland, pressed the button with his thumb. And
+woman, in the form of Bertha Honore Palmer, drove that nail home with a
+hammer.
+
+Josiah thought it ort to been the other way. He sez, "That men wuz so
+used to hammer and nails;" and he sez, and stuck to it, that, "No woman
+livin' ever druv a nail home without splittin' her own nail in the
+effort, and bendin' the nail she driv sideways."
+
+But I sot him down in my mind as representin' Old Prejudice, and I did
+not dain a reply to him. Only I merely said--
+
+"Wall, she did drive the nail in straight, and she clinched it solid
+with the golden words of her address."
+
+Yes, Mrs. Palmer has stood up on a high mount durin' the hard years past
+since the Fair wuz thought on.
+
+She has stood up so high that she could see things hid from them on the
+ground.
+
+She could see over the hull world, and could see that, like little
+children of one family, the nations wuz all havin' their own separate
+work to do to help their Pa's and Ma's--their Pa Progress, and Grandpa
+Civilization, and their Ma and Grandma Love and Humanity.
+
+She could see that some of the children wuz dark complexioned, and some
+lighter, and some kinder yeller favored, and some wuz big, and some wuz
+small.
+
+They differed in looks and behavior, as every big family will, and she
+could see that they had their little squabbles together, a-quarrelin'
+among themselves over their possessions, their toys and their
+rights--they wuz jealous of each other, and greedy, as children will be;
+and they had their perplexities, and their deep troubles, and their
+vexations, as children must have in this world, and some wuz fractious,
+and some wuz balky, and some wuz good dispositioned, and some wuz cross
+and mean, and had to be spanked more or less.
+
+But she could see from her sightly place that the hull of the children
+wuz a-movin' on, some slower and some faster, movin' on, and a-gittin'
+into line, and a-fallin' into step, to the music of the future.
+
+She could see, and she has seen from the first minute she wuz lifted up
+and looked off over the world, that this gatherin' of all the children
+together, a-showin' the best they had done, or could do, wuz a-goin' to
+help the hull family along more than tongue could tell, or mind could
+conceive of.
+
+She could see that it wuz encouragin' the good children to do still
+better. Allowin' the smart ones to show off their smartness to the best
+advantage. Awakenin' a spirit of helpful emulation in the more backward
+and sluggish of 'em.
+
+Yes, the light from this big house-warmin' she knew would penetrate and
+glow into the darkest corners of the earth, and, like a great warm sun,
+bring forth a glowin' and never-endin' harvest of blessed results.
+
+The hull family wuz a-doin' first rate, and their Pa and Ma wuz proud
+enough of 'em.
+
+And they felt well, for they knew that they wuz advancin' rapid, and
+with quick steps and with happy hearts.
+
+And when she looked way back, and watched the long procession a-defilin'
+along, some a-walkin' swift and some a-laggin' back with slower, more
+burdened footsteps (chains of different kinds a-draggin' on 'em)--
+
+When she see the dark shadders of the past behind 'em--the dretful
+shapes of ignorance and evil a-lurkin' in the heavy blackness from which
+they wuz emergin'--her tender heart ached with sympathy.
+
+But when she looked fur off, fur off, ahead on 'em the gole that they
+wuz a-settin' out for, she had to almost lift her hands and hide her
+eyes from the dazzlin' glory.
+
+It most blinded her, so bright it wuz, and so golden the rays streamed
+out.
+
+Equal rights, Freedom for all, Love, Peace, Joy. I spoze she see a
+sight.
+
+Her face shone!
+
+But to resoom: Josiah wuz dretful interested in the Agricultural display
+of the ladies of Iowa, and it wuz interestin' to look at.
+
+On one end is panels of pansies all made out of kernels of corn, so
+nateral that you almost wanted to pick 'em off and make a posey of 'em.
+
+On one of the other walls is a row of wimmen's heads done in corn; the
+hair is done in corn silks, and their clothes out of the husks.
+
+And then there is a border made of corn, illustratin' the story of corn
+in Greek Mythology.
+
+There is a picture called the Water Carrier--a woman made of different
+kinds of corn, jest as nateral as life, and the landscape round her made
+of grasses, and trees of sorghum, and the frame is made of ears of corn.
+
+Josiah wuz crazy to have one to home. Sez he, "Samanthy, I am bound to
+have your picture took in corn, it is so cheap." Sez he, "Ury and I
+could do it some rainy day, and how you would treasure it!" sez he.
+
+Sez he, "I could make your hair out of white silk grass, and your face
+out of red pop-corn mostly." Sez he, "Of course, to make you life size
+it would take a big crop of corn. I should judge," sez he, "that it
+would take about two bushels to make your waist ribbon; but I wouldn't
+begretch it."
+
+Sez I, "If you want to make me happy in corn, Josiah Allen, take it to
+the mill and grind it into samp or good fine meal. You and Ury can't
+bring happiness to me by paintin' me in corn, so dismiss the thought to
+once, for I will not be took."
+
+"Yes, break it up," sez he bitterly; "you always do, if I branch out
+into anything uneek."
+
+It wuz some time before I could quiet him down.
+
+The display by Norway and Sweden is very complete, showin' the work of
+the lower and upper classes, laces, and embroideries, etc., etc.
+
+And so they wuz from every other nation of the Globe. It fairly makes my
+brain reel now, to think of the wonder and the glory of 'em.
+
+Wall, towards the last we went to see the model kitchen. And Miss Plank,
+who had been off with some friends, jined us here, and she wuz happy
+here, as happy as a queen on her throne; and Josiah, and I thought he
+richly deserved it, in the restaurant attached, he eat such a lunch as
+only a hungry man can eat, cooked jest as good as vittles can be, and
+all done by wimmen. Why, Miss Rorer herself, that I have kep (in book
+form) on my buttery shelf for years, wuz here in the body, a-learnin'
+folks to cook. That is sayin' enough for the vittles to them that knows
+her (in book form).
+
+There wuz every appliance and new-fangled invention to help wimmen cook,
+and do her work, and every old-fangled one. Miss Plank hunted hard to
+find sunthin' to make better pancakes than hern, but couldn't.
+
+But it wuz a sight--a sight, the things we see there.
+
+Wall, we spent the hull of the day here--never stepped our feet outside,
+and didn't want to, or at least I didn't.
+
+And as Night softly onrolled her mantilly, previous to drawin' it over
+her face and goin' to sleep, we reluctantly turned our feet away from
+this beautiful, sacred place, and went home on the cars. And didn't the
+bed feel good? And didn't Sleep come like a sweet, consolin' friend and
+lay her hand on my gray hair and weary fore-top jest as lovin' as Mother
+Smith ust to, and murmur in my ear, jest as soft and low as Ma Smith
+did, "Hush, my dear; lie still and slumber."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+
+Wall, the next mornin'--such is the wonderful balm of onbroken sleep
+that any one takes in onbeknown to themselves--we felt considerable
+brisk.
+
+And Josiah proposed that we should go and pay attention to the Buildin'
+of Liberal Arts and Manafactures that day.
+
+Havin' had my way the day before on goin' to the home and headquarters
+of my sect first, I thought it wuzn't no more than right that my pardner
+should have his way that day as to what buildin' we should pay attention
+to, and he wanted to go to the biggest one next.
+
+He said that, "When he wuz a-shearin' sheep he always wanted to tackle
+the biggest one first, and he felt jest so about any hard job."
+
+I kinder wanted to go to the Art Gallery that mornin'; first wimmen, and
+then Art--them wuz my choices. But Love prevailed. And the feelin' that,
+after seein' the display that wimmen had wrought, that mebby it wuz best
+to go next to the largest house on the grounds, and the most liberal
+one.
+
+So we sot off, after a good breakfast.
+
+We thought we would meander kinder slow that mornin', and examine things
+closely. Truly we had been too much overcome by that first visit the day
+before to take much notice of things in particular.
+
+When that seen had bust onto us it wuz some like a blind man comin' to
+his sight in the middle of a June day. He wouldn't pay any particular
+attention to each separate glory that made up the seen--blue sky, green
+fields, sunshine, white clouds, sparklin' waters, rustlin' trees, wavin'
+grass, roses, green fields, and so forth and so forth.
+
+No, it would all mingle in one dazzlin' picture before his astounded
+eyeballs. So it had been with us, or with me, at any rate.
+
+Now we laid out to go slower and take things in more separate--one by
+one, as it were; and we seemed to realize more than we had sensed it the
+immense--immense size of the depot, the rumble of the elevated trains
+overhead, and the abundance of the facilities to git into the Columbian
+World's Fair.
+
+Why, there is about fifty places right there to git tickets, and
+ninety-six turnstiles--most a hundred! The idee!
+
+Wall, with no casualities worth enumeratin', we found ourselves in that
+glorious Court of Honor, and pretty nigh that gorgeous fountain of
+MacMonnies. This matchless work of art occupies the place of honor
+amidst the incomparable group of wonders in that Court of Honor, and it
+deserves it. Yes, indeed! its size is immense, but it don't show it,
+owin' to the size of the buildin's surroundin' it.
+
+Here in this fountain, as elsewhere at Columbus's doin's, female wimmen
+are put forward in the highest and loftiest places.
+
+High up, enthroned in a mammoth boat, stately and beautiful in design,
+sets a impressive female figger, her face all lit up with Truth and
+Earnest Purpose as she towers up above the others. The boat seems to be
+a-goin' aginst the wind, as boats that amount to anything and git there
+always have in the past, and most likely will in the future. And the
+keen wind wuz a-blowin' hard aginst the female figger that wuz
+a-standin' up in front of the boat, but she didn't care; it blowed her
+drapery back some, but it only floated out her wings better.
+
+She held a bugle in her hand, a-soundin' out, I should judge from her
+looks--
+
+"How goes the world? I am comin' to help, but you needn't wait for me--I
+will overtake you!"
+
+She wuz bound to help the old world along, as you could see by her
+looks.
+
+I thought when I first looked at it that the hull thing wuz to show
+forth the powers of electricity. I thought that that wuz Electricity on
+top of that throne, and the woman in front wuz a-gazin' out fur ahead,
+a-tryin' to catch sight of that most wondrous New World that that
+strange Magician is a-goin' to sail us into. And I didn't wonder that
+she wuz a-gazin' so intent fur off ahead.
+
+For we don't know no more about that strange, onknown world than
+Columbus did when he sot sail from Genoa.
+
+A few strange birds have flown from it and lighted on the heads of the
+Discoverers, a few spars of wisdom has been washed ashore, and some
+strange leaves and sea-weeds, all tellin' us that they have come from a
+new world different from ours, and one more riz up like--more like the
+Immortal.
+
+But of the hull world of wonder, it is yet to be discovered; and I
+thought, as I looked at it, I shouldn't wonder if they will get
+there--the figger on the throne wuz so impressive, and the female in
+front so determined.
+
+Wisdom, and courage, and joyful hope and ardor.
+
+Helped by 'em, borne along by 'em in the face of envy, and detraction,
+and bigotry, and old custom, the boat sails grandly.
+
+"Ho! up there on the high mast! What news?"
+
+"Light! light ahead!"
+
+But to resoom: a-standin' up on each side of that impressive figger wuz
+another row of females--mebby they had oars in their hands, showin' that
+they wuz calculatin' to take hold and row the boat for a spell if it got
+stuck; and mebby they wuz poles, or sunthin'.
+
+But I don't believe they meant to use 'em on that solitary man that
+stood in back end of the boat, a-propellin' it--it would have been a
+shame if they had.
+
+No; I believe that they meant to help at sunthin' or ruther with them
+long sticks.
+
+They wuz all a-lookin' some distance ahead, all a-seemin' bound to get
+where they started for.
+
+Besides bein' gorgeous in the extreme, I took it as bein' a compliment
+to my sect, the way that fountain wuz laid out--ten or a dozen wimmen,
+and only one or two men. But after I got it all fixed out in my mind
+what that lofty and impressive figger meant, a bystander a-standin' by
+explained it all out to me.
+
+[Illustration: I took it as bein' a compliment to my sect the way
+that fountain wuz laid out--ten or a dozen wimmen and only one or two
+men.]
+
+He said that the female figger way up above the rest wuz Columbia,
+beautiful, strong, fearless.
+
+And that it wuz Fame that stood at the prow with the bugle, and that it
+wuz Father Time at the hellum, a-guidin' it through the dangers of the
+centuries.
+
+And the female figgers around Columbia's throne wuz meant for Science,
+Industry, Commerce, Agriculture, Music, Drama, Paintin', and Literature,
+all on 'em a-helpin' Columbia along in her grand pathway.
+
+And then I see that what I had hearn wuz true, that Columbia had jest
+discovered Woman. Yes, the boat wuz headed directly towards Woman, who
+stood up one hundred feet high in front.
+
+And I see plain that Columbia couldn't help discoverin' her if she
+wanted to, when she's lifted herself up so, and is showin' plain in 1893
+jest how lofty and level-headed, how many-sided and yet how symmetrical
+she is.
+
+There she stands (Columbia didn't have to take my word for it), there
+she wuz a-towerin' up one hundred feet, lofty, serene, and sweet-faced,
+her calm, tender eyes a-lookin' off into the new order of centuries.
+
+And Columbia wuz a-sailin' right towards her, steered by Time, the
+invincible.
+
+I see there wuz a great commotion down in the water, a-snortin', and
+a-plungin', and a-actin' amongst the lower order of intelligences.
+
+But Columbia's eyes wuz clear, and calm, and determined, and Old Time
+couldn't be turned round by any prancin' from the powers below.
+
+_Woman is discovered._
+
+But to resoom. This immense boat wuz in the centre, jest as it should
+be; and all before it and around wuz the horses of Neptune, and
+mermaids, and fishes, and all the mystery of the sea.
+
+Some of the snortin' and prancin' of the horses of the Ocean, and
+pullin' at the bits, so's the men couldn't hardly hold 'em, wuz meant, I
+spoze, to represent how awful tuckerin' it is for humanity to control
+the forces of Nater.
+
+Wall, of all the sights I ever see, that fountain wuz the upshot and cap
+sheaf; and how I would have loved to have told Mr. MacMonnies so! It
+would have been so encouragin' to him, and it would have seemed to have
+relieved that big debt of gratitude that Jonesville and America owed to
+him; and how I wish I could make a good cup of tea for him, and brile a
+hen or a hen turkey! I'd do it with a willin' mind.
+
+I wish he'd come to Jonesville and make a all-day's visit--stay to
+dinner and supper, and all night if he will, and travel round through
+Jonesville the next day. I would enjoy it, and so would Josiah. Of
+course, we couldn't show off in fireworks anything to what he does,
+havin' nothin' but a lantern and a torchlight left over from Cleveland's
+campain. No; we shouldn't try to have no such doin's. I know when I am
+outdone.
+
+Bime-by we stood in front of that noble statute of the Republic.
+
+And as I gazed clost at it, and took in all its noble and serene beauty,
+I had emotions of a bigger size, and more on 'em, than I had had in some
+time.
+
+Havin' such feelin's as I have for our own native land--discovered by
+Christopher Columbus, founded by George Washington, rescued, defended,
+and saved by Lincoln and Grant (and I could preach hours and hours on
+each one of these noble male texts, if I had time)--
+
+Bein' so proud of the Republic as I have always been, and so sot on
+wantin' her to do jest right and soar up above all the other nations of
+the earth in nobility and goodness--havin' such feelin's for her, and
+such deep and heartfelt love and pride for my own sect--what wuz my
+emotions, as I see that statute riz up to the Republic in the form of a
+woman, when I went up clost and paid particular attention to her!
+
+A female, most sixty-five feet tall! Why, as I looked on her, my
+emotions riz me up so, and seemed to expand my own size so, that I felt
+as if I, too, towered up so high that I could lock arms with her, and
+walk off with her arm in arm, and look around and enjoy what wuz bein'
+done there in the great To-Day for her sect, and mine; and what that
+sect wuz a-branchin' out and doin' for herself.
+
+But, good land! it wuz only my emotions that riz me up; my common sense
+told me that I couldn't walk locked arms with her, for she wuz built out
+in the water, on a stagin' that lifted her up thirty or forty feet
+higher.
+
+And her hands wuz stretched out as if to welcome Columbia, who wuz
+a-sailin' right towards her. On the right hand a globe was held; the
+left arm extended above her head, holdin' a pole.
+
+I didn't know what that pole wuz for, and I didn't ask; but she held it
+some as if she wuz liable to bring it down onto the globe and gin it a
+whack. And I didn't wonder.
+
+It is enough to make a stun woman, or a wooden female, mad, to see how
+the nation always depicters wimmen in statutes, and pictures, and
+things, as if they wuz a-holdin' the hull world in the palm of their
+hand, when they hain't, in reality, willin' to gin 'em the right that a
+banty hen has to take care of their own young ones, and protect 'em from
+the hoverin' hawks of intemperance and every evil.
+
+But mebby she didn't have no idee of givin' a whack at the globe; she
+wuz a-holdin' it stiddy when I seen her, and she looked calm, and
+middlin' serene, and as beautiful, and lofty, and inspirin' as they
+make.
+
+She wuz dressed well, and a eagle had come to rest on her bosom,
+symbolical, mebby, of how wimmen's heart has, all through the ages, been
+the broodin' place and the rest of eagle man, and her heart warmed by
+its soft, flutterin' feathers, and pierced by its cruel beak.
+
+The crown wore on top of her noble forehead wuz dretful appropriate to
+show what wuz inside of a woman's head; for it wuz made of electric
+lights--flashin' lights, and strange, wrought of that mysterious
+substance that we don't understand yet.
+
+But we know that it is luminous, fur-reachin' in its rays, and possesses
+almost divine intelligence.
+
+It sheds its pure white light a good ways now, and no knowin' how much
+further it is a-goin' to flash 'em out--no knowin' what sublime and
+divine power of intelligence it will yet grow to be, when it is fully
+understood, and when it has the full, free power to branch out, and do
+all that is in it to do.
+
+Jest like wimmen's love, and divine ardor, and holy desires for a
+world's good--jest exactly.
+
+It wuz a good-lookin' head-dress.
+
+Her figger wuz noble, jest as majestic and perfect as the human form can
+be. And it stood up there jest as the Lord meant wimmen to stand, not
+lookin' like a hour-glass or a pismire, but a good sensible waist on
+her, jest as human creeters ort to have.
+
+I don't know what dressmakers would think of her. I dare presoom to say
+they would look down on her because she didn't taper. And they would
+probable be disgusted because she didn't wear cossets.
+
+But to me one of the greatest and grandest uses of that noble figger wuz
+to stand up there a-preachin' to more than a million wimmen daily of the
+beauty and symmetry of a perfect form, jest as the Lord made it, before
+it wuz tortured down into deformity and disease by whalebones and cosset
+strings.
+
+Imagine that stately, noble presence a-scrunchin' herself in to make a
+taper on herself--or to have her long, graceful, stately draperies cut
+off into a coat-tail bask--the idee!
+
+Here wuz the beauty and dignity of the human form, onbroken by vanity
+and folly. And I did hope my misguided sect would take it to heart.
+
+And of all the crowds of wimmen I see a-standin' in front of it admirin'
+it, I never see any of 'em, even if their own waists did look like
+pismires, but what liked its looks.
+
+Till one day I did see two tall, spindlin', fashionable-lookin' wimmen
+a-lookin' at it, and one sez to the other:
+
+"Oh, how sweet she would look in elbow-sleeves and a tight-fittin'
+polenay!"
+
+"Yes," sez the other; "and a bell skirt ruffled almost to the waist, and
+a Gainsboro hat, and a parasol."
+
+"And high-heel shoes and seven-button gloves," sez the other.
+
+And I turned my back on them then and there, and don't know what other
+improvements they did want to add to her--most likely a box of French
+candy, a card-case, some eye-glasses, a yeller-covered novel, and a pug
+dog. The idee!
+
+[Illustration: "How sweet she would look!"]
+
+And as I wended on at a pretty good jog after hearin' 'em, I sez to
+myself--
+
+"Some wimmen are born fools, some achieve foolishness, and some have
+foolishness thrust on 'em, and I guess them two had all three of 'em."
+
+I said it to myself loud enough so's Josiah heard me, and he sez in
+joyful axents--
+
+"I am glad, Samantha, that you have come to your senses at last, and
+have a realizin' sense of your sect's weaknesses and folly."
+
+And I wuz that wrought up with different emotions that I wuz almost
+perfectly by the side of myself, and I jest said to him--
+
+"Shet up!"
+
+I wouldn't argy with him. I wuz fearful excited a-contemplatin' the
+heights of true womanhood and the depths of fashionable folly that a
+few--a very few--of my sect yet waded round in.
+
+But after I got quite a considerable distance off, I instinctively
+turned and looked up to the face of that noble creeter, the Republic.
+
+And I see that she didn't care what wuz said about her.
+
+Her face wuz sot towards the free, fresh air of the future--the past wuz
+behind her. The winds of Heaven wuz fannin' her noble fore-top, her eyes
+wuz lookin' off into the fur depths of space, her lips wuz wreathed with
+smiles caught from the sun and the dew, and the fire of the golden dawn.
+
+She wuz riz up above the blame or praise--the belittlin', foolish,
+personal babblin' of contemporary criticism.
+
+Her head wuz lifted towards the stars.
+
+But to resoom, and continue on.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+
+After we reluctantly left off contemplatin' that statute of Woman, we
+wended along to the buildin' of Manafactures and Liberal Arts, that
+colossial structure that dwarfs all the other giants of the Exposition.
+
+This is the largest buildin' ever constructed by any exposition
+whatsoever.
+
+It covers with its galleries forty acres of land--it is as big as the
+hull of Elam Bobbet's farm--and Elam gets a good livin' offen that farm
+for him and Amanda and eight children, and he raises all kinds of crops
+on it, besides cows, and colts, and hens, grass land and pasture, and a
+creek goes a-runnin' through it, besides a piece of wood lot.
+
+And then, think to have one buildin' cover a place as large as Elam's
+farm! Why, jest the idee on't would, I believe, stunt Amanda Bobbet, or
+else throw her into spazzums.
+
+For she has always felt dretful proud of their farm, and the size of it;
+she has always said that it come hard on Elam to do all the work
+himself on such a big farm. She has acted haughty.
+
+And then, if I could have took Amanda by the hand, and sez--
+
+"Here, Amanda, is one house that covers as much ground as your hull
+farm!"
+
+I believe she would have fell right down in a coniption fit.
+
+But Amanda wuzn't there; I had only my faithful pardner to share my
+emotions, as I went into one of its four great entrances, under its
+triumphal arches, each one bein' 40 feet wide and 80 feet high--as long
+as from our house to the back pasture.
+
+The idee! the idee!
+
+Why, to change my metafor a little about the bigness of this buildin',
+so's to let foreign nations git a little clearer idee of the size on't,
+I will state--
+
+This one house is bigger than all those of Jonesville, and Loontown, and
+Shackville, and Zoar. It is the biggest house on this planet. Whether
+they have got any bigger ones in Mars, or Jupiter, or Saturn, I don't
+know; but I will say this--if they have, and the Marites, and
+Jupiterians, and Satens, are made up as we be, and calculate to go
+through the buildin's, I am sorry for their legs.
+
+It faces the lake, in plain view of all admirin' mariners, the long row
+of arches, and columns; is ornamented beyend anything that Jonesville
+ever drempt of, or Zoar, and a gallery fifty feet wide runs all round
+the buildin'; and from this gallery runs eighty-six smaller galleries,
+so nothin' hinders folks from lookin' down into the big hall below, and
+seein' the gorgeous seen of the Exposition, and the immense throng of
+people admirin' it.
+
+As Josiah and I wuz a-wendin' along on the gallery a-frontin' the lake,
+I heard a man--he looked some like a minister, too--say to another one,
+sez he, "The style of this buildin' is Corinthian."
+
+[Illustration: "This Buildin' is Corinthian."]
+
+And I spoke right up, bein' determined that Josiah and I too should be
+took for what we wuz--good, Bible-readin' Methodists.
+
+I said to Josiah, but loud enough so that the man should hear--
+
+"The New Testament hain't got a better book in it than Corinthians--it
+is one of my favorites; I am glad that this buildin' takes after it."
+
+He looked kinder dumfoundered, and then he looked tickled; he see that
+we wuz congenial, though we met only as two barks that meet on the
+ocean, or two night-hawks a-sailin' past each other in the woods at
+Jonesville.
+
+But true it is that a good-principled person is always ready to stand by
+his colors.
+
+But the crowd swept us on, and we wuz divided--he to carry his good,
+solid principles out-doors, and disseminate 'em under the open sky; I to
+carry mine inside that immense--immense buildin'.
+
+Why, a week wouldn't do justice at all to this buildin'--you ort to come
+here every day for a month at least, and then you wouldn't see a half or
+a quarter of what is in it.
+
+Why, to stand and look all round you, and up and down the long aisles
+that stretch out about you on every side, you feel some as a ant would
+feel a-lookin' up round it in a forest, (I mean the ant "Thou sluggard"
+went to, not your ma's sister.)
+
+Fur up, fur up the light comes down through the immense skylight, so it
+is about like bein' out-doors, and in the night it is most as light as
+day, for the ark lights are so big that, if you'll believe it, there are
+galleries of 'em up in the chandliers, and men a-walkin' round in 'em
+a-fixin' the lights look like flies a-creepin' about. The idee!
+
+And the exhibits in that buildin' are like the sands of the sea for
+number, and it would be harder work to count 'em if you wuz a-goin' to
+tackle the job, for they hain't spread out smooth, like sea sand, but
+are histed up into the most gorgeous and beautiful pavilions, fixed off
+beyend anything you ever drempt on, or read of in Arabian Nights, or
+anywhere else.
+
+They wuz like towerin' palaces within a palace, and big towers all
+covered with wonderful exhibits, and cupalos, and peaks, and scollops,
+and every peak and every scollop ornamented and garnished beyend your
+wildest fancy.
+
+The United States don't make such a big show as Germany duz, right
+acrost, but come to look clost, you'll see that she holds her own.
+
+Why, Tiffany's and Gorham's beautiful pavilion, that rises up as a sort
+of a centre piece to the United States exhibit, some think are the most
+beautiful in the hull Exposition.
+
+Big crowds are always standin' in front of that admirin'ly; the
+decoration and colorin' are perfect.
+
+The pavilions of the different nations tower up in all their grandeur
+that their goverments could expend on 'em, and they rival each other in
+beauty; but private undertakin's show off nobly.
+
+There wuz one man who sells stoves who has built a stove as big as a
+house--put electric lights in it, to show off its name, and he asks
+folks to step into the stove, which is a pavilion, to see what he has to
+sell.
+
+[Illustration: He asks folks to step into the stove.]
+
+And then one man--a trunk-maker--has made a glass trunk as big as a
+house, and shows off his exhibits there.
+
+And take the thousands and thousands of pavilions and pagodas on every
+side of you, and every one of 'em filled with thousands and millions of
+beautiful exhibits, and you can see what a condition your head would be
+in after a half a day in that buildin', let alone your legs.
+
+Some think that the German Pavilion is the most notable of any. Never
+wuz such iron gates seen in this country, a-towerin' up twenty feet
+high, and ornamented off in the most elaborate manner, and high towers
+crowned by their gold eagles; and high up in the back is a majestic
+bronze Germania. On either side, and in the centre, are other wonderful
+pavilions. If you go through these gates you will want to stay there a
+week right along, examinin' the world of objects demandin' your
+attention--marvellous tapestry, porcelain, paintin', statuary,
+furniture, hammered iron, copper, printin', lithographin', etc., and
+etcetry.
+
+It wuz here that we see the Columbian diamond, a blue brilliant, the
+finest diamond at the Exposition.
+
+The French pavilion is a dream of beauty. It rises up in white,
+marble-like beauty, not excelled by any country, it seems to me, and is
+filled with the very finest things to be found in the French shops, and
+that is sayin' the finest in the world.
+
+Here are beautiful figgers in wax, wearin' the most magnificent dresses
+you ever hearn on--Papa, Mama, Grandma, Baby, and Nurse--all fitted out
+in clothes suitable, and the hite of beauty and elegance.
+
+Why, in goin' through this section you can jest imagine the most
+beautiful and perfect things you ever hearn on in dress, furniture,
+jewelry, etc., etc., and multiply 'em by one hundred, and then you
+wouldn't figger out the result half gorgeous enough.
+
+Why, it is insured for ten millions, and it is worth it. I wouldn't take
+a cent less for it--not a cent; and so I told Josiah.
+
+Why, there is one baby's cradle worth thirty-one thousand dollars, and a
+vase at twenty thousand, and a parasol at two thousand five hundred, and
+other things accordin'--the idee!
+
+The Gobelin tapestries that are loaned by the French Goverment are
+absolutely priceless.
+
+Austria's big pavilion has her double eagles reared up over it; it
+stands up sixty-five feet high, and is full of splendor.
+
+Bohemian glass in every form and shape bein' one of its best exhibits,
+and terry-cotty figgers, and beautiful gifts of Honor loaned by the
+Emperor, and etc.
+
+And you can tell the Russian pavilion as fur as you can see it by its
+dark, strong architecture.
+
+Along the outer court runs a long platform ornamented with urns and
+vases of hewn marble and other hard stuns, from the exile mines of
+Siberia.
+
+I wondered how many tears had wet the stuns as they wuz hewn out.
+
+But, howsumever, the Russians did well; their enamel in this exhibit is
+the best shown anywhere. They are dretful costly, but not any too much
+for the value of 'em. They don't want to cheat America, the Russians
+don't--they remember the past.
+
+One giant punch-bowl of gilt enamel is claimed to be the finest thing of
+the kind ever done in the Empire.
+
+Their bronzes are wonderful--there is vigor and life in 'em. A Laplander
+in his sledge, drawn by reindeers over the frozen sea, and a dromedary
+and his driver on the sandy desert, shows plain how fur the Zar's
+dominions extend.
+
+A Laplander killin' a seal in a ice hole--Two horses a-goin' furiously,
+tryin' to drag a sleigh away from pursuin' wolves--Mounted
+Cossacks--Farmers ploughin' the fields--A woman ridin' a farm horse,
+with a long rake in her hand--
+
+A woman standin' on tiptoe to kiss her Cossack as he bends from his
+saddle--A rough rider out on the steepes a-catchin' a wild horse.
+
+After ten or twelve acres of Nymphs and Venuses in bronze, these are
+real refreshin' to see, and a change. And in furs and such their display
+is magnificent.
+
+Russia shows eight hundred schools in the Liberal Art Department, and
+it is here that the beautiful pieces of embroidery made by the larger
+scholars for Mrs. Grover Cleveland are displayed.
+
+No, Russia don't forgit the past.
+
+And the display of laces in the Belgian exhibit is sunthin' to remember
+for a hull lifetime, and its pottery, and gems, and bronzes. And the
+exhibit of Switzerland, though not so large as some of the rest, is
+uneek. Their exhibit is all surrounded by a panorama of the Alps, the
+high mountains a-lookin' down into the peaceful valley, with its arts
+and industries.
+
+Great Britain don't make so much show in her pavilions and in showin'
+off her things; but come to examine it clost, and you'll see, as is
+generally the case with our Ma Country, the sterling, sound qualities of
+solid worth.
+
+Her immense display of furniture, jewelry, and all objects of art and
+industry are worth spendin' weeks over, and then you'd want to stay
+longer.
+
+They don't make any attempt at display in pavilions and show winders.
+But in the plain, rich cases you find some of the most wonderful and
+gorgeous works of man.
+
+I spoze, mebby, as is the nater of showin' off, the Ma Country felt some
+as if she wuz right in the family, and she and her daughter America
+hadn't ort to dress up and try to put on so many ornaments as the
+visitors.
+
+I make a practice of that myself, to try to not dress up quite so
+ornamental as my company duz.
+
+But for solid worth and display, as I say, Great Britain and the United
+States are where they always are--in the first rank.
+
+But, speakin' of the visitors of the nation, if you want to git a good
+sight of 'em, jest stand in the clock tower, which looms up in the
+centre of the forty-acre buildin', as high as a Chicago house (and that
+is sayin' enough for hite), and you'll see all round you all the nations
+of the earth.
+
+The guests of the nation occupy the place of honor, as they ort to.
+
+Lookin' down, you see the flags of Great Britain, France, Germany,
+Russia, Austria, Japan, India, Switzerland, Persia, Mexico, etc., etc.,
+etc.
+
+Wall, Josiah wanted to go up to the top of the buildin' on the elevator,
+and though I considered it resky, I consented, and would you believe
+it--I don't suppose you will--but to look down from that hite, human
+bein's don't look much larger than flies. There they wuz, a-creepin'
+round in their toy-house fly-traps; it wuz a sight never to be forgot
+as long as Memory sets upon her high throne.
+
+Wall, as I said, in them pavilions and gorgeous glass cases in that vast
+buildin' you can find everything from every country on the globe.
+
+Everything you ever hearn on, and everything you ever didn't hearn on,
+from the finest lace to iron gates and fences--
+
+From big, splendid rooms, all furnished off in the most splendid manner
+with the most gorgeous draperies and furniture, to a tiny gold and
+diamond ring for a baby, and everything else under the sun, moon, and
+stars, from a pill to a monument.
+
+Pictures, and statuary, and bronzes, and every other kind of beautiful
+ornament, that makes you fairly stunted with admiration as you look on
+'em.
+
+At one place a silver fountain wuz sendin' up constantly a spray of the
+sweetest perfume, and when I first looked at it, Josiah wuz a-holdin'
+his bandana handkerchief under it, and he wuz a-dickerin' with the girl
+that stood behind it as to what such a fountain cost, and where he could
+git the water to run one.
+
+Sez he, "I'd give a dollar bill to have such a stream a-runnin' through
+our front yard."
+
+I hunched him, and sez I, "Keep still; don't show your ignorance. It
+hain't nateral water; it is manafactured."
+
+"Wall, all water is manafactured! Dum it, the stream that runs through
+our beaver medder is made somehow, or most probable it wouldn't be
+there."
+
+But I drawed him away and headed him up before some lovely dresses--the
+handsomest you ever see in your life--all trimmed with gold and pearl
+trimmin'. The price of that outfit wuz only twenty thousand dollars.
+
+And when I mentioned how becomin' such a dress would become me, I see by
+his words and mean that he had forgot the fountain.
+
+The demeanin' words that he used about my figger would keep females back
+from matrimony, if they knew on 'em.
+
+But I won't tell. No, indeed!
+
+And then there wuz all sorts of art work on enamel and metal, and all
+sorts of dazzlin' jewelry that wuz ever made or thought on, and all the
+silverware that wuz ever hearn or drempt of--why, jest one little
+service of seven pieces cost twenty thousand dollars.
+
+In Tiffany's gorgeous display wuz a case that illustrated the arts in
+Ireland in the fourteenth century.
+
+They said that it contained a tooth of St. Patrick. Mebbe it wuz his
+tooth; I can't dispute it, never havin' seen his gooms.
+
+Then there wuz a Latin book of the eighth century, containin' the four
+gospels; and in another wuz St. Peter's cross, they said. Mebby it wuz
+Peter's!
+
+And every kind of silk fabric that wuz ever made--raw silk, jest as the
+worm left it when she sot up as a butterfly, and jest what man has done
+to it after that--spinnin', weavin', dyein'--up to the time when it
+appears in the finest ribbon, and glossiest silk, and crapes, and
+gauzes, and velvets, and knit goods of every kind, and etc., and so
+forth.
+
+And every kind of cloth, and felt, and woollen, and carpets enough to
+carpet a path clear from Chicago to Jonesville for me and Josiah to go
+home in a triumphal procession, if they had felt like it.
+
+In front of the French section I see another statute of the Republic.
+
+She wuz a-settin' down. Poor creeter, she wuz tired; and then agin she
+had seen trouble--lots of it.
+
+Her left arm was a-restin' firm on a kind of a square block, with "The
+Rights of Man" carved on it, and half hidin' them words wuz a sword,
+which she also held in her left hand.
+
+The rights of Man and a sword wuz held in one hand, jest as they always
+have been.
+
+But, poor creeter! her right arm wuz gone--her good right hand wuz
+nowhere to be seen.
+
+I don't like to talk too glib about the judgments of Providence. The bad
+boys don't always git drownded when they go fishin' Sundays--they often
+git home with long strings of trout, and lick the good boys on their way
+home from Sunday-school. Such is real life, too oft.
+
+But I couldn't help sayin' to Josiah--
+
+"Mebby if they had put onto that little monument she holds, 'The Rights
+of Man and Woman'--mebby she wouldn't had her arm took off."
+
+But anyway, judgment or not, anybody could see with one eye how
+one-sided, and onhandy, and cramped, and maimed, and everything a
+Republic is who has the use of only one of her arms. Them that run could
+read the great lesson--
+
+"Male and female created He them."
+
+Both arms are needed to clasp round the old world, and hold it
+firm--Justice on one side, Love on the other.
+
+I felt sorry for the Republic--sorry as a dog.
+
+But that wuz the first time I see her. The next time she had had her arm
+put on.
+
+I guess Uncle Sam done it. That old man is a-gittin' waked up, and
+Eternal Right is a-hunchin' him in the sides.
+
+She wuz a-holdin' that right arm up towards the Heavens; the fingers wuz
+curved a little--they seemed to be begenin' to sunthin' up in the sky to
+come down and bless the world.
+
+Mebby it wuz Justice she wuz a-callin' on to come down and watch over
+the rights of wimmen. Anyway, she looked as well agin with both arms on
+her.
+
+Amongst the wonders of beauty in the French exhibit we see that vase of
+Gustave Dore's. That attracted crowds of admirers the hull time; it
+stood up fifteen feet high, and every inch of it wuz beautiful enough
+for the very finest handkerchief pin!
+
+There wuz hundreds of figgers from the animal and vegetable kingdom, and
+Mythology--cupids, nymphs, birds, and butterflies disportin' themselves
+in the most graceful way, and such beautiful female figgers!--Venuses as
+beautiful as dreams, and over all, and through all, wuz a-trailin' the
+rich clusters of the vine.
+
+The figgers seemed at first sight to kind o' encourage wine-makin' and
+wine-drinkin'. But look clost, and you'd see on one side, workin' his
+stiddy way up through the fairy landscape, up through the gay
+revellers, a venemous serpent wuz a-creepin'.
+
+He wuz bound to be there, and Venus or Nymph, or any of 'em that touched
+that foamin' wine, had to be stung by his deadly venoms. Mr. Dore made
+that plain.
+
+Wall, we tried to the best of our ability to not slight a single
+country, but I'm afraid we did; I tried to act the part of a lady and
+pay attention to the hull on 'em, but I'm afraid that fifty or sixty
+countries had reason to feel that we slighted 'em; but I hope that this
+will explain matters to 'em.
+
+I felt that I hadn't done justice to our own country and our Ma Country,
+not at all; but when you jest think how big the United States is, and
+how many firms try to show off in every county of every State--why, it
+tires anybody jest to think on't; and Great Britain too; for, as I
+thought, what good duz visitors do when their brain is a-reelin' under
+their head-dresses, and stove-pipe hats! And truly that wuz our
+condition before we fairly begun to go through the countries.
+
+Beautiful works of art--marvellous exhibits to the right of us, to the
+left of us, and before us and behind us--forty-five acres on 'em. What
+wuz two small pair of eyes and four ears to set up aginst this
+colossial and imeasureable show!
+
+We went till we wuz ready to drop down, and then Josiah sez, "Less take
+the rest of the grandeur for granted, and less go somewhere and git a
+cup of tea, and a nip of sunthin' to eat."
+
+I said sunthin' about hurtin' the different countries feelin's by not
+payin' attention to 'em.
+
+And he sez, "Dum it all, I don't know as it would make 'em any happier
+to have two old folks die on their hands; and I feel, Samantha, that the
+end is a-drawin' near," sez he.
+
+He did look real bad. So we went to the nearest place and got a cup of
+tea, and rested a spell, and when we come back we kinder left the
+Manafactures part, and tackled the Liberal part, and I declare that wuz
+the best of all by fur.
+
+That wuz enough to lift up anybody's morals, and prop 'em up strong, to
+see how much attention is paid to education and trainin' right from the
+nursery up--devolipin' the mind and the body.
+
+It wuz some as if the Manafactures part tended to the house and
+clothin', and this part tended to the livin' soul that inhabited it.
+
+It wuz dretful interestin' to see everything about devolipin' the
+strength and muscle in gymnasiums, skatin', rowin', boatin', and every
+other way. Food supply and its distribution, school kitchens. How to
+make buildin's the best way for health and comfort for workin'men,
+school-housen, churches, and etc. How to heat and ventilate housen, how
+to keep the sewers and drains all right, and how neccessary that is!
+Some folkses back doors are a abomination when their front doors are
+full of ornament.
+
+All kinds of instruction in infant schools, kindergartens; domestic and
+industrial trainin' for girls, models for teachin' and cookery,
+housework, dressmakin', etc.; how neccessary this is to turn out girls
+for real life, so much better than to have 'em know Greek, but not know
+a potatoe from a turnip; to understand geology, but not recognize a
+shirt gusset from a baby's bib!
+
+Books, literature, examples of printin' paper, bindin', religion,
+natural sciences, fine arts, school-books, newspapers, library
+apparatus, publications by Goverment, etc.
+
+And wuzn't it a queer coincidence? that right where books wuz all round
+me, right while my eyes wuz sot on 'em--
+
+I hearn a voice I recognized. It wuz a-givin' utterance to the words I
+had heard so often--
+
+"Two dollars and a half for cloth--three for sheep, and four for
+morocco."
+
+I turned, and there she wuz; there stood Arvilly Lanfear. She wuz in
+front of a good, meek-lookin' freckled woman, a-canvassin' her.
+
+Or, that is, she wuzn't exactly applyin' the canvas to her, but she wuz
+a-preparin' her for it.
+
+It seemed that she had been introduced to her, and wuz a-goin' to call
+on her the next day with the book.
+
+Sez I, advancin' onto her, "Arvilly Lanfear, did you really git here
+alive and well?"
+
+"Wall," sez she, "I shouldn't have got here, most likely, if I wuzn't
+alive, and I never wuz so well in my life, in body and in sperits.
+Hain't it glorious here?" sez she.
+
+"Yes," sez I; and, sez I, "Arvilly, did you walk afoot all the way
+here?"
+
+And then she went on and related her experience.
+
+She said that she wuz five weeks on her way, and made money all the way
+over and above her expenses. She walked the most of the way.
+
+She wuz now a-boardin' with a old acquaintance at five dollars a week,
+and she canvassed three days in the week, and come three days to the
+Fair, and more'n paid her way now.
+
+Sez I, "Arvilly, you look better than I ever knew you to look; you look
+ten years younger, and I don't know but 'leven."
+
+Sez I, "Your face has got a good color, and your eyes are bright." Sez
+I, "You hain't enjoyin' sech poor health as you did sometimes in
+Jonesville, be you?"
+
+Sez she, "I never wuz so well before in my life!"
+
+Sez I, "You've somehow got a different look onto you, Arvilly." Sez I,
+"Somehow, you look more meller and happy."
+
+"I be happy!" sez she.
+
+Sez I, "I spoze you are still a-sellin' the same old book, the 'Wild,
+Wicked, and Warlike Deeds of Man'?"
+
+She kinder blushed, and, sez she, "No; I have took up a new work."
+
+"What is it?" sez I, for she seemed to kinder hang back from tellin',
+but finally she sez, "It is the 'Peaceful, Prosperous, and Precious
+Performances of Man.'"
+
+"Wall," sez I, "I'm glad on't. Men should be walked round and painted on
+all sides to do justice to 'em.
+
+"'Im real glad that you're a-goin' to canvas on his better side,
+Arvilly."
+
+"Yes," sez she, "men are amiable and noble creeters when you git to
+understand 'em."
+
+The change in her mean and her sentiments almost made my brain reel
+under my slate-colored straw bunnet, and my knees fairly trembled under
+my frame.
+
+And, sez I, "Arvilly, explain to a old and true friend the change that
+has come onto you."
+
+So we withdrew our two selves to a sheltered nook, and there the story
+wuz onfolded to me in perfect confidence, and it _must_ be _kep._ I will
+tell it in my own words, for she rambles a good deal in her talk, and
+that is, indeed, a fault in female wimmen.
+
+Thank Heaven! I hain't got it.
+
+It seems that when she sot out for the World's Fair with the "Wild,
+Wicked, and Warlike Deeds of Man," she had only a dollar in her pocket,
+but hoards and hoards of pluck and patience.
+
+She canvassed along, a-walkin' afoot--some days a-makin' nothin' and
+bein' clear discouraged, and anon makin' a little sunthin', and then
+agin makin' first rate for a day or two, as the way of agents is.
+
+Till one day about sundown--she hadn't seen a house for milds back--she
+come to a little house a-standin' back on the edge of a pleasant strip
+of woods. A herd of sleek cows and some horses and some sheep wuz in
+pastures alongside of it, and a little creek of sparklin' water run
+before it, and she went over a rustic bridge, up through a pretty front
+yard, into a little vine-shaded porch, and rapped at the door.
+
+Nobody come; she rapped agin; nobody made a appearance.
+
+But anon she hearn a low groanin' and cryin' inside.
+
+So, bein' at the bottom one of the kindest-hearted creeters in the
+world, but embittered by strugglin' along alone, Arvilly opened the door
+and went in. She went through a little parlor into the back room, and
+wuzn't that a sight that met her eyes?
+
+A good-lookin' man of about Arvilly's age laid there all covered with
+blood and fainted entirely away, and on his breast wuz throwed the form
+of a little lame girl all covered with blood, and a-cryin' and
+a-groanin' as if her heart would break.
+
+She thought her Pa wuz dead.
+
+It seemed that he had cut his head dretfully with a tree branch
+a-fallin' onto it, and had jest made out to git to the house before he
+fainted; and his little girl, havin' never seen a faint, thought it wuz
+death; and it _is_ its first cousin.
+
+Wall, here wuz a place for Arvilly's patience, and pluck, and faculty,
+to soar round in.
+
+The first thing, she took up the little lame girl in her arms--a sweet
+little creeter of five summers--and sot her in a chair, and comforted
+her by tellin' her that her Pa would be all right in a few minutes.
+
+And she then, (and I don't spoze that she had ever been nigher to a
+good-lookin' man than from three to five feet,) but she had to lift up
+his head and wash the blood from the clusterin' brown hair, with some
+threads of silver in it, and tear her own handkerchief into strips to
+bind up his wounds; and she had some court-plaster with her and other
+neccessaries, and some good intment, and she is handy at everything,
+Arvilly is.
+
+Wall, by the time that a pair of good-lookin' blue eyes opened agin on
+this world, Arvilly had got the pretty little girl all washed and
+comforted, and a piller under his head; and the minute his blue eyes
+opened a spark flew out of 'em right from that piller that kindled up a
+simultanous one in the cool gray orbs of Arvilly.
+
+Wall, although he had his senses, he couldn't move or be moved for a day
+and a half. He didn't want nobody sent for, and Arvilly dassent leave
+'em alone to go; so as a Christian she had to take holt and take care on
+'em.
+
+Wall, Arvilly always wuz, and always will be, I spoze, as good a
+housekeeper and cook as ever wuz made.
+
+So I spoze it wuz a sight to see how quick she got that disordered
+settin'-room to lookin' cozy and home-like, and a good supper on a table
+drawed up to the side of the little lame girl.
+
+And I spoze that it wuz one of the strangest experiences that ever took
+place on this planet, and I d'no as they ever had any stranger ones in
+Mars or Jupiter. Arvilly had to kinder feed the invalid man, Cephus
+Shute by name--had to kinder kneel down by him and hold the plate and
+teacup, and help him to eat.
+
+And, strange to say, Arvilly wuzn't skairt a mite--she ruther enjoyed it
+of the two; for before two days wuz over she owned up that if there wuz
+any extra good bits she'd ruther he'd have 'em than to have 'em herself.
+
+[Illustration: And, strange to say, Arvilly wuzn't skairt a
+mite--she ruther enjoyed it.]
+
+The world is full of miracles; Sauls breathin' out vengeance are dropped
+down senseless by the power of Heaven.
+
+Pilgrim Arvilly's displayin' abroad the "Wild, Wicked, and Warlike Deeds
+of Man" are struck down helpless and mute by the power of Love.
+
+In less than three days she had promised to marry Cephus in the Fall.
+
+He had a good little property--his wife had been dead two years. His
+hired girl--a shiftless creeter--had flown the day Arvilly got there,
+and nothin' stood in the way of marriage and happiness.
+
+Arvilly's heart yearned over the little girl that had never walked a
+step, and she loved her Pa, and the Pa loved her.
+
+When she sot off from there a week later--for she wuz bound to see the
+Fair, and quiltin' had to be done, and clothin' made up before marriage,
+no matter how much Cephus plead for haste--he had got well enough to
+carry her ten milds to the cars, and she had come the rest of the way by
+rail; and she said, bein' kinder sick of canvassin' for that old book,
+she had tackled this new one, and wuz havin' real good luck with it.
+
+Wall, I wuz tickled enough for Arvilly, and I made up my mind then and
+there to give her a good linen table-cloth and a pair of new woollen
+sheets for a weddin' present, and I subscribed for the "Precious
+Performances" on the spot. I didn't spoze that I should care much about
+readin' "The Peaceful, Prosperous, and Precious Performances of Man"--
+
+But I bought it to help her along. I knew that she would have to buy her
+"true so" (that is French, and means weddin' clothes), and I thought
+every little helped; but she said that it wuz "A be-a-u-tiful book, so
+full of man's noble deeds."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "you know that I always told you that you run men too
+much."
+
+"But," sez she, "I never drempt that men wuz such lovely creeters."
+
+"Oh, wall," sez I, "as for that, men have their spells of loveliness,
+jest like female mortals, and their spells of actin', like the old
+Harry."
+
+"Oh, no," sez she; "they are a beautiful race of bein's, almost
+perfect."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "I hope your opinion will hold out." But I don't spoze it
+will. Six months of married life--dry days, and wet ones, meals on time,
+and meals late, insufficient kindlin' wood, washin' days, and cleanin'
+house will modify her transports; but I wouldn't put no dampers onto
+her.
+
+I merely sez, "Oh, yes, Arvilly, men are likely creeters more'n half the
+time, and considerable agreeable."
+
+"Agreeable!" sez she; "they're almost divine." Arvilly always wuz most
+too ramptious in everything she undertook; she never loved to wander
+down the sweet, calm plains of Megumness, as I do.
+
+And then I spoze Cephus made everything of her, and it wuz a real rarity
+to her to be made on and flattered up by a good-lookin' man.
+
+But well he might make of her--he will be doin' dretful well to git
+Arvilly; she's a good worker and calculator, and her principles are like
+brass and iron for soundness; and she's real good-lookin', too,
+now--looks 'leven years younger, or ten and a half, anyway.
+
+But jest as Arvilly and I wuz a-withdrawin' ourselves from each other, I
+sez,
+
+"Arvilly, have you been to the Fair Sundays?"
+
+"No," sez she; "I didn't lay out to, for I could go week days. 'The
+Precious Performances' yields money to spare to take me there week days,
+and you know that I only wanted it open for them that couldn't git there
+any day but Sundays. And also," sez she honestly,
+
+"I talked a good deal, bein' so mad at the Nation for makin' such
+dretful hard work partakin' of a gnat, and then swallerin' down Barnum's
+hull circus, side-shows and all.
+
+"Why didn't the Nation shet up the saloons?" sez she, in bitter axents.
+"Folks can have their doubts about Sunday openin' bein' wicked, but the
+Lord sez expressly that 'no drunkard can inherit Heaven.' The nation wuz
+so anxious to set patterns before the young--why wuzn't it afraid to
+turn human bein's into fiends before 'em, liable to shoot down these
+dear young folks, or lead 'em into paths worse than death?
+
+"And it wuz so anxious to show off well before foreign nations. Wuz it
+any prettier sight to reel round before 'em, drunk as a fool,
+a-committin' suicide, and rapinin', and murder, and actin'? I wuz so
+mad," sez Arvilly, "that I felt ugly, and spoze I talked so."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "they've acted dretful queer about Sunday openin', take
+it from first to last.
+
+"But," sez I, reasonably, "takin' such a dretful big thing onto their
+hands to manage would be apt to make folks act queer.
+
+"I spoze," sez I, fallin' a little ways into oritory--"I spoze that if
+Josiah and me had took a rinosterhorse to board durin' the heated
+term, our actions would often be termed queer by our neighbors. To begin
+with, it's bein' such new business to us, we shouldn't know what to feed
+it, to agree with its immense stomach; we should, I dare presoom to say,
+try experiments with it before we got the hang of its feed, and peek
+through the barn doors dretful curious at it to see how it wuz a-actin',
+and how its food wuz agreein' with it.
+
+"We shouldn't dast to ride it to water, or holler at it, as if it wuz a
+calf; and if it should happen to break loose, Heaven knows what we
+should do with it!
+
+"And I spoze every fence would be full of neighbors a-standin' safe on
+their own solid premises, a-hollerin' out to us what to do, and every
+one on 'em mad as hens if we didn't foller their directions.
+
+"Some on 'em hollerin' to us to mount up on it and ride it back into the
+barn, when they knew that it would tear us to pieces if we went nigh it
+when it wuz mad. And some on 'em orderin' us to git rid of it. And how
+could we dispose of a ragin' rinosterhorse at a minute's notice? And
+some on 'em a-yellin' at us to kill it. How could we kill it, when the
+creeter didn't belong to us?
+
+"And some on 'em, not realizin' that our rinosterhorse boardin' wuz new
+business to us, and we wuz liable to make mistakes, standin' up on the
+ruff of their own barns, safe and sound, a-readin' the Bible to us and
+warnin' us, and we tuggin' away and swettin' with this wild creeter on
+our hands, and tryin' to do the best we could with it.
+
+"And then, right on top of this, Jonesville might serve a injunction
+onto us, that we had no right to let such a dangerous creeter into the
+precincts of Jonesville; and then we, feelin' kinder sorry, mebby, that
+we had ondertook the job, tried to git rid on't; and the rinosterhorse
+owner serves another injunction on us, makin' us keep it, sayin' that
+he'd paid its board in advance, and that he wouldn't take it back.
+
+"And there we would be, all wore out with our job, and not pleasin'
+nobody, nor nothin', but makin' the hull caboodle mad as hens at us; and
+we a-not meanin' any hurt, none of the time, a-meanin' well towards
+Jonesville and rinosterhorses. Wouldn't we be in a situation to be
+pitied, Arvilly?"
+
+"Yes," sez she, "it is jest so as I tell you; Cephus sez that he won't
+wait a minute longer than September."
+
+I see how it wuz--she hadn't hearn a word of my remarkable eloquence.
+Like all the rest, she had vivid idees about Sunday closin'; but come to
+the p'int, her own affairs wuz of the most consequence. She forgot all
+about the struggles of the Directors in their efforts to do what wuz
+right and best, in thoughts of Cephus.
+
+But I considered it human nater, and forgive her. Wall, after Arvilly
+left me, I returned agin to the sights in the noble Liberal Arts
+Department, and see everything else that wuz riz up and helpful; and
+finding out everything about the land and sea, the Heavens, and depths
+below the earth and seas.
+
+And oh, what queer, queer feelin's that sight gin me; they hain't to be
+described upon, and I hain't a-goin' to try to; it would be too
+much--too much for the public to hear about it, and for me to record
+'em; though there wuz plenty of weights, measures, and balances, if I
+had tried to tackle the job of weighin' 'em.
+
+Now, what I have said of the liberal part, and especially of the
+trainin' of the young, you can see plain that it wuz as much more
+interestin' than the manafactures part as the soul is superior to the
+body, or eternity is longer than time.
+
+So, the world bein' such a sort of a curious place, it didn't surprise
+me a mite to see that this department, that wuz the most important in
+the hull Columbian World's Fair, wuz dretful cramped for room, and
+kinder put away upstairs.
+
+For, as I sez to myself, the old world has such dretful curious kinks in
+it, it didn't surprise me a mite to have this department sort o'
+squeezed into the end o' one buildin', and upstairs kinder, while the
+display for horned cattle covered over sixty acres.
+
+A good many farmers are as careful agin of their blooded stock as they
+are of the welfare of their wives and children.
+
+They will put work and hardship on the mother of their children that
+they wouldn't think of darin' to venture with their cows with a
+pedigree, for they would say, such overwork will injure the calf.
+
+How is it with their own children, when the delicate mother does all the
+household drudgery of a farm, and milks seven or eight cows night and
+mornin'?
+
+Toilin' till late bedtime, gettin' up before half rested, and takin' up
+agin the hard toil till the little feeble child-life is born into the
+world.
+
+How is it with the mother and the child?
+
+For answer, I refer you to countless newspaper files, under the headin'
+of "mysterious dispensations of Providence," and to old solitary
+churchyards, and to the insane statisticks of the country.
+
+The bereaved husband, a-blamin' Providence, but takin' some comfort in
+the thought that "the Lord loveth whom He chasteneth," walks out under
+his mournin' weed, and pats the sleek sides of his Alderney cow, and its
+fat, healthy young one, and ponders on how he could improve their
+condition, and better the stock, and mebby has passin' thoughts on some
+bloomin' young girl, who he could persuade to try the fate of the first.
+
+And he'll have no trouble in doin' so--not at all; putty is hard in
+comparison to wimmin's heads and hearts, sometimes.
+
+But I am, indeed, eppisodin', and to resoom, and proceed.
+
+In this world, where the material, the practical, so oft overshadows
+the spiritual, it didn't surprise me a mite to have this noble--noble
+liberal art display crowded back by less riz up and exalted ones.
+
+And oh, what curious things we did see in this Hall of Wonders--curious
+as a dog, and curiouser.
+
+The New South Wales exhibit in the west gallery is awful big, and
+divided into five courts, and all full of Beauty and Use.
+
+These Australians are pert and kinder sassy; they look on our country as
+old, and wore out--some as we look at our Ma Country.
+
+But their exhibit is a wonderful one--exhibit of their mines, that they
+say are a-goin' to be the richest in the World.
+
+And lots of pictures showin' their strange, melancholy Australian
+scenery.
+
+And their big trees. Why, one of these trees, they say, is the biggest
+yet discovered in the World; it is 400 and 80 feet high.
+
+And it wuz here that I see the very queerest thing that I ever did see
+in my life; it wuz in their collection of strange stuffed birds, and
+animals which wuz large, and complete, and rangin' from the Emu down to
+a pure white hummin'-bird.
+
+It wuz here that I see this Thing that Scientists hain't never
+classified; it is about the size of a beaver--has fur like a seal, eyes
+like a fish, is web-footed, lays eggs, and hatches its young and lives
+in the water.
+
+It is called a Platypus--there wuz four on 'em.
+
+Queer creeter as I ever see. No wonder that Scientists furled their
+spectacles in front of it, and sot down discouraged.
+
+Wall, we hung round there till most night, and Josiah and I went home as
+tired as two dogs, and tireder. And we both gin in that we hadn't seen
+nothin' to what we might have seen there; as you may say, we hadn't done
+any more justice to the contents of that buildin' than we would if we
+had undertook to count the slate-stuns in our old creek back of our
+house clear from Jonesville to Zoar--- more'n five miles of clear
+slate-stun. What could we do to it in one day?
+
+But fatigue and hunger--on Josiah's part, a prancin' team--bore us away,
+and we went home in pretty good sperits after all, though some late.
+
+Miss Plank had a good supper. We wuz late, but she had kept it warm for
+us--some briled chicken, and some green peas, and a light nice puddin',
+and other things accordin'; and Josiah _did_ indeed do justice to it.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+
+Wall, the next day after our visit to the Manafactures and Liberal Arts
+Buildin', I told Josiah to-day I wouldn't put it off a minute longer, I
+wuz goin' to see the Convent of La Rabida; and sez I, "I feel mortified
+and ashamed to think I hain't been before." Sez I, "What would
+Christopher Columbus say to think I had slighted him all this time if he
+knew on't!"
+
+And Josiah said "he guessed I wouldn't git into any trouble with
+Columbus about it, after he'd been dead four hundred years."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "I don't spoze I would, but I d'no but folkses feelin's
+can be hurt if their bodies have moved away from earth. I d'no anything
+about it, nor you don't, Josiah Allen."
+
+"Wall," he said, "he wouldn't be afraid to venter it."
+
+He wanted to go to the Live-Stock Exhibit that day--wanted to like a
+dog.
+
+But I persuaded him off the notion, and I don't know but I jest as soon
+tell how I done it.
+
+I see Columbus's feelin's wouldn't do, and so forth, nor sentiment, nor
+spirituality, don't appeal to Josiah Allen nothin' as vittles do.
+
+So I told him, what wuz indeed the truth, that a restaurant was nigh
+there where delicious food could be obtained at very low prices.
+
+He yielded instantly, and sez he, "It hain't hardly fair, when
+Christopher is the cause of all these doin's, that he should be slighted
+so by us."
+
+And I sez, "No, indeed!" so we went directly there by the nearest way,
+which wuz partly by land and partly by water; and as our boat sailed on
+through the waves under the brilliant sunshine and the grandeur of
+eighteen ninety-three, did it not make me think of Him, weary,
+despairin', misunderstood, with his soul all hemmed in by envious and
+malicious foes, so that there wuz but one open path for him to soar in,
+and that wuz upward, as his boat crept and felt its way along through
+the night, and storm, and oncertainty of 1492.
+
+Wall, anon or about that time, we drew near the place where I wanted to
+be.
+
+The Convent of La Rabida is a little to the east of Agricultural Hall, a
+sort of a inlet lake that feeds a long portion of the grand canal.
+
+A promontory is formed by the meetin' of the two waters, and all round
+this point of land, risin' to a height of twenty-two feet, is a rough
+stun wall.
+
+This wall is a reproduction of the dangerous coast of Spain, and back on
+this rise of ground can be seen the Convent of La Rabida, a fac-simile,
+or, as you might say, a similer fact, a exact reproduction of the
+convent where Columbus planned out his voyage to the new world.
+
+Yes, within these walls wuz born the great and darin' scheme of
+Columbus--a great birth indeed; only next to us in eternal consequences
+to the birth in the manger.
+
+It stands jest as it ort to, a-facin' the risin' sun.
+
+A low, eight-sided cupalo surmounts the choir space inside the chapel,
+and above the nave rises the balcony.
+
+On three sides of a broad, open court are the lonesome cloisters in
+which the Monks knelt in their ceaseless prayers.
+
+The chapel floor is a little higher than the court and cloisters, and is
+paved with bricks.
+
+It wuz at this very convent door that Columbus arrived heart-sore and
+weary after seven years' fruitless labor in the cause he held so clost
+to his heart.
+
+Seven long years that he had spent beggin' and importunin' for help to
+carry out his Heaven-sent visions.
+
+A livin' light shinin' in his sad eyes, and he couldn't git anybody else
+to see it.
+
+The constant washin' of new seas on new shores, and he couldn't git
+anybody to hear 'em.
+
+A constant glow, prophetic and ardent, longin' to carry the religion of
+Christ into a new land that he knew wuz a-waitin' him, but everybody
+else deaf and dumb to his heart-sick longin's.
+
+Oh, I thought to myself as I stood there, if that poor creeter could
+only had a few of the gorgeous banners that wuz waved out to the air,
+enough to clothe an army; if he could have only had enough of 'em to
+made him a hull shirt; if he could have had enough of the banquets
+spread to his memory, enough to feed all the armies of the earth; if he
+could have a slice of bread and a good cup of tea out of 'em, how glad I
+would be, and how glad he would have been!
+
+But it wuzn't to be, it wuzn't to be.
+
+Hungry and in rags, almost naked, foot-sore, heart-sore, he arrived at
+the convent gate, to ask food and shelter for himself and child.
+
+[Illustration: Almost naked, foot-sore, heart-sore, he arrived at
+the convent gate.]
+
+It wuz here that he found an asylum for a few years, carryin' on his
+plans, makin' out new arguments, stronger, mebby, than he had argued
+with for seven stiddy years, and I should a thought them old arguments
+must have been wore out.
+
+It wuz in one of the rooms of the convent that he met the Monks in
+debate, and also argued back and forth with Garcia Fernandez and Alonzo
+Penzen, gettin' the better of Alonzo every time, but makin' it up to him
+afterwards by lettin' him command one of the vessels of his fleet. It
+wuz from here the superior of the convent, won over by Columbuses
+eloquence, went for audience with the Queen, and from it Columbus wuz
+summoned to appear at court.
+
+In this very convent he made his preparations for his voyage, and on the
+mornin' he sailed from Palos he worshipped God in this little chapel.
+What visions riz up before his eyes as he knelt on the brick floor of
+that little chapel, jest ready to leave the certainty and sail out into
+the oncertainty, leavin' the oncertainty and goin' out into the
+certainty!
+
+A curious prayer that must have been, and a riz up one.
+
+In that prayer, in the confidence and aspiration of that one man, lay
+the hull new world. The hope, the freedom, the liberty, the
+enlightenment of a globe, jest riz up on the breath of that one prayer.
+
+A momentious prayer as wuz ever riz up on earth.
+
+But the stun walls didn't give no heed to it, and I dare say that Alonzo
+and the rest wuz sick a-waitin' for him, and wanted to cut it short.
+
+Yes, Columbus must have had emotions in this convent as hefty and as
+soarin' as they make, and truly they must have been immense to gone
+ahead of mine, as I stood there and thought on him, what he had done and
+what he had suffered.
+
+Why, I had more'n a hundred and twenty-five or thirty a minute right
+along, and I don't know but more.
+
+When I see them relics of that noble creeter, paper that he had had his
+own hand on, that his own eyes had looked at, his own brain had
+dictated, every one of 'em full of the ardentcy and earnestness of his
+religion--why, they increased the number and frequency of my emotions to
+a almost alarmin' extent.
+
+[Illustration: Manuscripts]
+
+Here are twenty-nine manuscripts all in his own hand.
+
+They are truly worth more than their weight in gold--they are worth
+their weight in diamonds.
+
+Amongst the most priceless manuscripts and documents is the original of
+the contract made with the Soverigns of Spain before his first voyage,
+under which Columbus made his first voyage to America.
+
+The most remarkable contract that wuz ever drawn, in which the Soverigns
+of Spain guaranteed to Columbus and his heirs forever one eighth of all
+that might be produced of any character whatever in any land he might
+discover, and appinted him and his descendants perpetual rulers over
+such lands, with the title of Viceroy.
+
+I looked at the contract, and then thought of how Columbus died in
+poverty and disgrace, and now, four hundred years after his death, the
+world a-spendin' twenty million to honor his memory.
+
+A sense of the folly and the strangeness of all things come over me like
+a flood, and I bent my head in shame to think I belonged to a race of
+bein's so ongrateful, and so lyin', and everything else.
+
+I thought of that humble grave where a broken heart hid itself four
+hundred years ago, and then I looked out towards that matchless White
+City of gorgeous palaces riz up to his honor four hundred years too
+late; and a sense of the futility of all things, the pity of it, the
+vanity of all things here below, swept over me, and instinctively I lay
+holt of my pardner's arm, and thought for a minute I must leave the
+buildin'; but I thought better on't, and he thought I laid holt of his
+arm as a mark of affection. And I didn't ondeceive him in it.
+
+Then there is Columbuses commission as Admiral of the Ocean Seas.
+
+His correspondence with Ferdinand and Isabella before and after his
+discovery, and a host of other invaluable papers loaned by the Spanish
+Goverment and the living descendants of Columbus in Spain. And there is
+pieces of the house his father-in-law built for him--a cane made from
+one of the jistes, and the shutters of one of the windows. Columbuses
+own hand may have opened them shutters! O my heart! think on't.
+
+And then there wuz the original copy of the first books relatin' to
+America, over one hundred of 'em, obtained from the Vatican at Rome, and
+museums, and libraries, in London, and Paris, and Madrid, and
+Washington, D.C. They are writ by Lords, and Cardinals, and Bishops, way
+back as fur as fourteen hundred and ninety-three.
+
+Then there wuz quaint maps and charts of the newly discovered country,
+lookin' some as our first maps would of Mars, if the United States had
+made up its mind to annex that planet, and Uncle Sam had jest begun to
+lay it out into countries.
+
+Then there are the portraits of Columbus. Good creeter! it seemed a pity
+to see so many of 'em--his enemies might keep right on abusin' him, and
+say that he wuz double-faced, or sixty or eighty faced, when I know, and
+they all ort to know, that he wuz straightforward and stiddy as the sun.
+Poor creeter! it wuz too bad that there should be so many of 'em.
+
+[Illustration (handwritten in the illustration): These are my authentic
+portraits! Ch. Columbus, Esq. mp]
+
+[Illustration: Poor creeter! it wuz too bad that there should be so
+many of 'em.]
+
+Then there are models and photographs of statutes and monuments of him,
+and the very stun and clay that them tall monuments is made of, mebby
+they are the very stuns that hurt his bare feet, and the clay the very
+same his tears had fell on, as he'd throw himself down heart-weary on
+his lonesome pilgrimages. I dare presoom to say that he would lay his
+head down under some wayside tree and cry--I hain't a doubt on't.
+
+When I thought it over, how much had been said about Columbus even
+durin' the last year in Jonesville and Chicago, to say nothin' about the
+rest of the world, it wuz a treat indeed to see the first printed
+allusion that wuz ever made to Columbus, about three months after
+Columbus arrived in Portugal, March fifteenth, fourteen hundred and
+ninety-three. It was writ by Mr. Carvugal, Spanish Cardinal.
+
+In it Mr. Carvugal says--
+
+"And Christ placed under their rule (Ferdinand and Isabella) the
+Fortunate Islands."
+
+I sez to Josiah, "I guess if Mr. Carvugal was sot down here to-day, and
+see what he would see here, he would be apt to think indeed they wuz
+Fortunate Islands."
+
+But as I said that I heard a voice a-sayin'--
+
+"Who is Mr. Carvugal, Samantha?"
+
+I recognized the voice, and I sez, "Why, Irena Flanders, is it you? I
+have been to see you; I hearn you wuz sick."
+
+"Yes," sez she, "I wuz beat out, and I thought I couldn't stand it; but
+I feel better to-day, so we have been to the Forestry Buildin', and
+thought we would come in here."
+
+But I see that she didn't feel as I did about the immortal relics, but
+she kinder pretended to, as folks will; and Elam and Josiah went to
+talkin' about hayin', and wondered how the crops wuz a-gittin' along in
+Jonesville. But I kep on a-lookin' round and listenin' to Irena's
+remarks about her symptoms with one half of my mind, or about half, and
+examinin' the relics with the other half.
+
+There wuz a little Latin book with queer wood-cuts, "Concernin' Islands
+lately discovered," published in Switzerland in 1494; under the title it
+begun--"Christopher Colum--"
+
+It made me mad to hear that good, noble creeter's name cut off and
+demeaned, and I told Irena so.
+
+And she sez, "That's what little Benjy calls our old white duck; his
+name is Columbus, but he calls it Colum."
+
+She is a great duck-raiser; but I didn't thank her for alludin' to
+barn-yard fowls in such a time as this.
+
+Wall, there wuz the first life of Columbus ever writ, by his son
+Farnendo.
+
+And a book relatin' to the namin' of America. I thought it would been a
+good plan if there had been a few more about that, and had named it
+Columbia--jest what it ort to be, and not let another man take the honor
+that should have been Christopher's.
+
+But I meditated on what a queer place this old world wuz, and how
+nateral for one man to toil and work, and another step in and take the
+pay for it; so it didn't surprise me a mite, but it madded me some.
+
+Then there wuz the histories of the different cities where he wuz born,
+and the different places where his bones repose.
+
+Poor creeter! they fit then because they didn't want his bones, and they
+starved him so that he wuzn't much besides bones, and they didn't want
+his bones anyway, and they put chains onto them poor old bones, and led
+'em off to prison.
+
+And now hull cities and countries would hold it their chief honor to lie
+about it, and claim the credit of givin' 'em burial. O dear suz! O dear
+me!
+
+Wall, there wuz one of the anchors, and the canvas used by Columbus on
+board his flag-ship.
+
+The very canvas that the wind swelled out and wafted the great
+Discoverer. O my heart, think on't!
+
+And then there wuz the ruins of the little town of Isabella, the first
+established in the new world, brung lately from San Domingo by a
+man-of-war.
+
+And then there wuz the first church bell that ever rung in America,
+presented to the town of Isabella by King Ferdinand.
+
+Oh, if I could have swung out with that old bell, and my senses could
+have took in the sights and seens the sound had echoed over! What a
+sight--what a sight it would have been!
+
+Ringin' out barbarism and ringin' in the newer religion; ringin' out, as
+time went on, old simple ways, and idees--mebby bringin' in barbarous
+ways; swingin' back and forth, to and fro; ringin' in now, I hope and
+pray, the era of love and justice, goodwill to man and woman.
+
+Wall, I wuz almost lost in my thoughts in hangin' over that old bell. It
+had took me back into the dim old green forest isles and onbroken
+wilderness, when I heard a bystander a-sayin' to another one--"There is
+Columbuses relations; there is the Duke of Veragua."
+
+And on lookin' up, I indeed see Columbuses own relation on his own side,
+with his wife and daughter.
+
+The relation on Columbuses side wuz a middlin' good-lookin' and a
+good-natered lookin' man, no taller than Josiah, with blue eyes, gray
+hair, and short whiskers.
+
+[Illustration: Columbuses own relation on his own side, with his
+wife and daughter.]
+
+His wife wuz a good-lookin', plump woman, some younger apparently than
+he wuz, and the daughter wuz pretty and fresh-lookin' as a pink rose.
+
+I liked their looks first rate.
+
+And jest the minute my eyes fell on 'em, so quick my intellect moves, I
+knew what was incumbent on me to do.
+
+It wuz my place, it would be expected of me--I must welcome them to
+America; I must, in the name of my own dignity, and the power of the
+Nation, gin 'em the freedom of Jonesville. I must not slight them for
+their own sakes, and their noble ancestors.
+
+One human weakness might be discovered in me by a clost observer in that
+rapt hour: I didn't really know how to address the wife of the Duke.
+
+And I whispered to Irena Flanders, and, sez I, "If a man is a duke, what
+would his wife be called?" Sez I, "She'd feel hurt if I slighted her."
+
+And sez she, "If one is a duke, the other would naterally be called a
+drake."
+
+I knew better than that--she hain't any too smart by nater, and her mind
+runs to fowls, what there is of it.
+
+But my Josiah heard the inquiry, and sez he--
+
+"I should call her a duck;" and he continued, with his eyes riveted on
+the beautiful face of the Duke's daughter--
+
+"That pretty girl is a duck, and no mistake."
+
+But I sez, "Hush; that would be too familiar and also too rural."
+
+I hain't ashamed of the country--no, indeed, I am proud on't; still I
+knew that it wuz, specially in June, noted for its tender greenness.
+
+And sez I, "I'll trust to the hour to inspire me; I'll sail out as his
+great ancestor did, and trust to Providence to help me out."
+
+So I advanced onto 'em, and I thought, as I went, if you call a man by
+the hull of his name he hadn't ort to complain; so I sez with a deep
+curchey--I knew a plain curchey wouldn't do justice to the occasion.
+
+So I gracefully took hold of my alpaca skirt with both hands and held it
+out slightly, and curchied from ten to fourteen inches, I should judge.
+
+I wanted it deep enough to show the profound esteem and honor in which I
+held him, and not deep enough so's to give him the false idee that I wuz
+a professional dancer, or opera singer, or anything of that sort.
+
+I judged that my curchey wuz jest about right.
+
+[Illustration: "I salute you in the name of Jonesville and
+America."]
+
+Imegatly after my curchey I sez, "Don Christobel Colon De Toledo De La
+Cerda Y Gante," and then I paused for breath, while the world waited--
+
+"I welcome you to this country--I salute you in the name of Jonesville
+and America."
+
+And then agin I made that noble, beautiful curchey.
+
+He bowed so low that if a basin of water had been sot on his back it
+would have run down over his head.
+
+Sez I, "The man in whose veins flows a drop of the precious blood of the
+Hero who discovered us is near and dear to the heart of the new world."
+
+Sez I, "I feel that we can't do too much to honor you, and I hereby
+offer you the freedom of Jonesville."
+
+And sez I, "I would have brung it in a paper collar box if I'd thought
+on't, but I hope you will overlook the omission, and take it verbal."
+
+Agin he bowed that dretful perlite, courteous bow, and agin I put in
+that noble curchey.
+
+It wuz a hour long to be remembered by any one who wuz fortunate enough
+to witness it; and sez he--
+
+"I am sensible of the distinguished honor you do me, Madam; accept my
+profound thanks."
+
+I then turned to his wife, and sez I, "Miss Christobel Colon Toledo
+Ohio--"
+
+I got kinder mixed up here by my emotions, and the efforts my curcheys
+had cost me; I hadn't ort to mentioned the word Ohio.
+
+But I waded out agin--"De La Cerda Y Gante--
+
+"As a pardner of Columbus, and also as a female woman, I bid you also
+welcome to America in the name of woman, and I tender to you also the
+freedom of Jonesville, and Loontown, and Zoar.
+
+"And you," sez I, "Honorable Maria Del Pillow Colon Y Aguilera--
+
+"You sweet little creeter you, I'd love to have you come and stay with
+me a week right along, you pretty thing." Sez I, "How proud your Grandpa
+would be of you if he wuz here!"
+
+My feelin's had carried me away, and I felt that I had lost the formal,
+polite tone of etiquette that I had intended to carry on through the
+interview.
+
+But she wuz so awful pretty, I couldn't help it; but I felt that it wuz
+best to terminate it, so I bowed low, a-holdin' out my alpaca skirt
+kinder noble in one hand and my green veil in the other, some like a
+banner, and backed off.
+
+They too bowed deep, and sorter backed off too. Oh, what a hour for
+America!
+
+Josiah put out his arm anxiously, for I wuz indeed a-movin' backwards
+into a glass case of relics, and the great seen terminated.
+
+Miss Flanders and Elam had gone--they shrunk from publicity. I guess
+they wuz afraid it wuz too great a job, the ceremony attendin' our
+givin' these noble foreigners the freedom of our native town.
+
+But they no need to. A willin' mind makes a light job.
+
+It had been gin to 'em, and gin well, too.
+
+Wall, Josiah and I didn't stay very much longer. I'd have been glad to
+seen the Princess sent out from Spain to our doin's, and I know she will
+feel it, not seein' of me.
+
+She wuzn't there, but I thought of her as I wended my way out, as I
+looked over the grandeur of the seen that her female ancestor had
+rendered possible.
+
+Thinkses I, she must have different feelin's from what her folks did in
+fourteen hundred.
+
+Then how loath they wuz to even listen to Columbuses pathetic appeals
+and prayers! But they did at last touch the heart of a woman. That woman
+believed him, while the rest of Spain sneered at him. Had she lived,
+Columbus wouldn't have been sent to prison in chains. No, indeed! But
+she passed away, and Spain misused him. But now they send their
+royalties to meet with all the kings and queens of the earth to bow down
+to his memory.
+
+As we wended out, the caravels lay there in the calm water--the Santa
+Maria, the Pinta, and the Nina, all becalmed in front of the convent.
+
+No more rough seas in front of 'em; they furl their sails in the
+sunlight of success.
+
+All is glory, all is rejoicing, all is praise.
+
+Four hundred years after the brave soul that planned and accomplished it
+all died heart-broken and in chains, despised and rejected by men,
+persecuted by his enemies, betrayed by his friends.
+
+True, brave heart, I wonder if the God he trusted in, and tried to
+honor, lets him come back on some fair mornin' or cloudless moonlight
+evenin', and look down and see what the nations are sayin' and doin' for
+him in eighteen hundred and ninety-three!
+
+I don't know, nor Josiah don't.
+
+But as I stood a-thinkin' of this, the sun come out from under a cloud
+and lit up the caravels with its golden light, and lay on the water like
+a long, shinin' path leadin' into glory.
+
+And a light breeze stirred the white sails of the Santa Maria, some as
+though it wuz a-goin' to set sail agin.
+
+And the shadders almost seemed alive that lay on the narrer deck.
+
+After we left La Rabida, Josiah wanted to go and see the exhibit called
+Man and his Works.
+
+Sez he, "I'll show you now, Samantha, what _our_ works are. I'll show
+you the most beautiful and august exposition on the grounds."
+
+Sez he, "You boasted high about wimmen's doin's, and they wuz fair," sez
+he, "what I call fair to middlin'. But in this you'll see grandeur and
+True Greatness."
+
+Josiah didn't know a thing about the show, only what he gathered from
+its name; and feelin' as he did about himself and his sect, he naterally
+expected wonders.
+
+So, leanin' on the arm of Justice, I accompanied him into the buildin',
+which wuzn't fur from La Rabida.
+
+But almost the first room we went into, Josiah almost swooned at the
+sight, and I clung to his arm instinctively. There we wuz amongst more
+than three thousand skeletons and skulls.
+
+Why, the goose pimples that rose on me didn't subside till most night.
+
+And in the very next room wuz a collection of mummies, the humbliest
+ones that I ever sot my eyes on in my hull life--two or three hundred on
+'em, from Peru, Utah, New Mexico, Egypt, British Columbia, etc., etc.
+
+When Josiah's eyes fell onto 'em, my poor pardner sez, "Samantha, less
+be a-goin'."
+
+Sez I, "Are you satisfied, Josiah Allen, with the Works of Man?"
+
+And he advised me strong--"Not to make a luny and a idiot of myself."
+
+And sez he, "Dum it all, why do they call it the works of man? There is
+as many wimmen amongst them dum skeletons as men, I'll bet a cent."
+
+Wall, we went into another room and found a very interestin'
+exhibit--the measurements of heads: long-headed folks and short-headed
+ones; and measurements of children's heads who wuz educated, and the
+heads of savage children, showin' the influence that moral trainin' has
+on the brains of boys and girls.
+
+Wall, it would take weeks to examine all we see there--the remains of
+the Aborigines, the Greeks, the Romans, the Egyptians. We could see by
+them relics how they lived--their religions, their domestic life, their
+arts, and their industries.
+
+And then we see photographs by the hullsale of mounds and ruins from all
+over the world.
+
+Why, we see so many pictures of ruins, that Josiah said that "he felt
+almost ruined."
+
+And I sez, "That must come from the inside, Josiah. It hadn't ort to
+make you feel so."
+
+And then we see all sorts of things to illustrate the games that these
+old ruined folks used to play, and their religions they believed
+in--idols, and clay altars, and things; and once, when I wuz a-tryin' to
+look calm at the very meanest-lookin' idol that I ever laid eyes on,
+
+Sez Josiah, "The folks that would try to worship such a lookin' thing as
+that ort to be ruined."
+
+And I whispered back, "If the secret things that folks worship to-day
+could be materialized, they would look enough sight worse than this."
+Sez I, "How would the mammon of Greed look carved in stun, or the beast
+of Intemperance?"
+
+"Oh!" sez he, "bring in your dum temperance talk everywhere, will you? I
+should think we wuz in a bad enough place here to let your ears rest,
+anyway."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "then don't run down folks that couldn't answer back for
+ten thousand years."
+
+But truly we wuz in a bad place, if humbliness is bad, for them idols
+did beat all, and then there wuz a almost endless display of amulets,
+charms, totems, and other things that they used to carry on their
+religious meetin's with, or what they called religion.
+
+And then we see some strange clay altars containin' cremated human
+bein's.
+
+Here Josiah hunched me agin--
+
+"You feel dretful cut up if you hear any one speak aginst these old
+creeters, but what do you think of that?" sez he, a-pintin' to the burnt
+bodies. Sez he, "Most likely them bodies wuz victims that wuz killed on
+their dum altars--dum 'em!"
+
+"Yes," sez I, "but we of the nineteenth century slay two hundred
+thousand victims every year on the altar of Mammon, and Intemperance."
+
+"Keep it up, will you--keep a preachin'!" sez he, and his tone wuz
+bitter and voyalent in the extreme.
+
+And here he turned his back on me and went to examine some of the
+various games of all countries, such as cards, dice, dominoes, checkers,
+etc., etc.
+
+[Illustration: Josiah turned his back on me.]
+
+Which shows that in that savage age, as well as in our too civilized
+one, amusements wuz a part of their daily life.
+
+Wall, it wuz all dretful interestin' to me, though Skairfulness wuz
+present with us, and goose pimples wuz abroad.
+
+And out-doors the exhibit wuz jest as fascinatin'.
+
+Along the shores of the pond are grouped tribes of Indians from North
+America. They live in their primitive huts and tents, and there we see
+their rude boats and canoes. New York contributes a council house and a
+bark lodge once used by the once powerful Iroquois confederation.
+
+And, poor things! where be they now? Passed away. Their canoes have gone
+down the stream of Time, and gone down the Falls out of sight.
+
+But to resoom.
+
+Wall, seein' they wuz right there, we went to see the ruins of
+Yucatan--they wuz only a few steps away.
+
+Now, I never had paid any attention to Yucatan. I had always seen it on
+the map of Mexico, a little strip of land a-runnin' out into the water,
+and washed by the waves on both sides. But, good land! I would have paid
+more attention to it if I had known that down deep under its forests,
+where they had lain for more than a thousand years, wuz the ruins of a
+vast city, with its castles and monuments wrought in marble, and
+fashioned with highest beauty and art.
+
+Whose hands had wrought them marble columns, and carved facades?
+
+The silence of a thousand years lays between my question and its true
+answer.
+
+I can't tell who they wuz, where they come from, or where they went to.
+
+But the pieces of soulless stun remain for us to marvel over, when the
+livin' hands that wrought these have vanished forever.
+
+Curious, very.
+
+But mebby some magnetizm still hangs about them hoary old walls that has
+the power to draw their founders from their new home, wherever it is
+now.
+
+Mebby them old Yucatanners come down in a shadder sloop and lay off over
+aginst them ruins, and enjoy themselves first-rate.
+
+Here too is the city of the Cliff Dwellers--the most wonderful city I
+ever see or ever expect to see. There towers up a mountain made to look
+exactly like Battle Mountain, where these ruins are found--the homes and
+abidin' place of a race so much older than the Mexican and Peru old ones
+that they seem like folks of last week--almost like babies.
+
+The hull of these buildin's which is called Cliff Palace is over two
+hundred feet long, and the rooms look pretty much all alike. They wuz
+round rooms mostly, with a hole in the floor for a fireplace, and stun
+seats a-runnin' clear round the room, and I'd a gin a dollar bill if I
+could a seen a-settin' in them seats the ones that used to set there--if
+I could seen 'em sot down there in Jackson Park, and its marvels, and I
+could have hearn 'em tell what Old World wonders they had seen, and what
+they had felt and suffered--the beliefs of that old time; the laws that
+governed 'em, or that didn't govern 'em; their friends and their
+enemies; the strange animals that lurked round 'em; the wonderful
+flowers and vegetation--in short, if I could a sot down and neighbored
+with 'em, I would a gin, I believe my soul, as much as a dollar and
+thirty-five cents.
+
+The rooms are about six feet high, and they wuz like me in one
+thing--they didn't care so much for ornament as they did for solid
+foundation. The only ornament I see in any of the rooms wuz some kinder
+wavin' streaks of red paint. But, oh! how solid the housen wuz, how firm
+the underpinnin'.
+
+There wuz some stun towers and some winders, and oh! how I do wish I
+could seen what them Old Cliffers looked out on when they rested their
+arms on the stun winder sills and looked down on the deep valley below.
+
+Children a-lookin' out for pleasure mebby; older ones a-lookin' for
+Happiness and Ambition like as not, the aged ones a-leanin' their tired
+arms on the hard stun, while the settin' sun lit up their white locks,
+and a-lookin' for rest.
+
+The cliffs are a good many colors, and each a good-lookin' one.
+
+One thing struck me in all the housen, and made me think that though the
+Cliff Dwellers wuz older than Abraham or Moses, yet if I could see some
+of them female Cliffers I could neighbor with 'em like sisters.
+
+They did love closets so well, and that made 'em so congenial to me. I
+never had half closets enough, and I don't believe any woman did if she
+would tell the truth.
+
+There wuz sights of closets all closed up with good slab doors, some
+like grave-stuns.
+
+I shouldn't have liked that so well, to had to heave down that heavy
+slab every time that I wanted a teacup, but mebby they didn't drink tea.
+
+I spoze they kep their strange-lookin' pottery there, and I presoom the
+wimmen prided themselves on havin' more of them jars than a neighbor
+female Cliffer did. Then there are farmin' implements, and sandals, and
+leggins, and weapons, and baby boards--and didn't I wish that I could
+ketch sight of one of them babies!
+
+The bodies of the dead wuz wrapped in four different winders--first in
+fine cloth, then a robe of turkey feathers wove with Yucca fibre, then a
+mattin', and then a wrap made of reeds.
+
+The mummies found wrapped in these grave-clothes are more perfect than
+any found in Egypt, the hot, dry air of Colorado a-doin' its best to
+keep folks alive, and then after they are dead, a-keepin' 'em so as long
+as it can. There wuz one, a woman with pretty figure, and small hands
+and feet, and soft, light-colored hair. What wuz she a-thinkin' on as
+she done up that fore-top or braided that back hair?
+
+Did any hand ever lay on that soft, shinin' hair in caresses? I presoom
+more than like as not there had. Her mother's, anyway, and mebby a
+lover's, sence the fashion of love is older than the pyramids enough
+sight--old as Adam, and before that Love wuz. For Love thought out the
+World.
+
+By her side wuz a jar with some seeds in it--probable the hand of Love
+put it there to sustain her on her long journey.
+
+Wall, the centuries have gone by sence she sot out for the Land of
+Sperits, but the seeds are there yet. She didn't need 'em.
+
+These seeds are in good shape, but they won't sprout. That shows plain
+how much older these mummies are than the Egyptian ones, for the seeds
+found by them will sprout and grow, but these are too old--the life in
+the seeds is gone, as well as the life in the dead forms by 'em,
+centuries ago, mebby.
+
+Wall, it wuz a sight--a sight to see that city, and then to see
+a-windin' up the face of the cliff the windin' trail, and the little
+burros a-climbin' up slowly from the valley, and the strange four-horned
+sheep of the Navago herds a-grazin' amongst the high rocks.
+
+It wuz one of the most impressive sights of all the wonderful sights of
+the Columbus Fair, and so I told Josiah.
+
+Wall, seein' we wuz right there, we thought we would pay attention to
+the Forestry Buildin'.
+
+And if I ever felt ashamed of myself, and mortified, I did there; of
+which more anon.
+
+It wuz quite a big buildin', kinder long and low--about two and a half
+acres big, I should judge.
+
+Every house has its peculiarities, the same as folks do, and the
+peculiar kink in this house wuz it hadn't a nail or a bit of iron in it
+anywhere from top to bottom--bolts and pegs made of wood a-holdin' it
+together.
+
+Wall, I hadn't no idee that there wuz so many kinds of wood in the hull
+world, from Asia and Greenland to Jonesville, as I see there in five
+minutes.
+
+Of course I had been round enough in our woods and the swamp to know
+that there wuz several different kinds of wood--ellum and butnut, cedar
+and dog-wood, and so forth.
+
+But good land! to see the hundreds and thousands of kinds that I see
+here made anybody feel curious, curious as a dog, and made 'em feel,
+too, how enormous big the world is--and how little he or she is, as the
+case may be.
+
+The sides of the buildin' are made of slabs, with the bark took off, and
+the roof is thatched with tan-bark and other barks.
+
+The winder-frames are made in the same rustic, wooden way.
+
+The main entrances are made of different kinds of wood, cut and carved
+first-rate.
+
+All around this buildin' is a veranda, and supportin' its roof is a long
+row of columns, each composed of three tree trunks twenty-five feet in
+length--one big one and the other two smaller.
+
+These wuz contributed by the different States and Territories and by
+foreign countries, each sendin' specimens of its most noted trees.
+
+And right here wuz when I felt mad at myself, mad as a settin' hen, to
+think how forgetful I had been, and how lackin' in what belongs to good
+manners and politeness.
+
+Why hadn't I brung some of our native Jonesville trees, hallowed by the
+presence of Josiah Allen's wife?
+
+Why hadn't I brung some of the maples from our dooryard, that shakes
+out its green and crimson banners over our heads every spring and fall?
+
+Or why hadn't I brung one of the low-spreadin' apple-trees out of Mother
+Smith's orchard, where I used to climb in search of robins' nests in
+June mornin's?
+
+Or one of the pale green willers that bent over my head as I sot on the
+low plank foot-bridge, with my bare feet a-swingin' off into the water
+as I fished for minnies with a pin-hook--
+
+The summer sky overhead, and summer in my heart.
+
+Oh, happy summer days gone by--gone by, fur back you lay in the past,
+and the June skies now have lost that old light and freshness.
+
+But poor children that we are, we still keep on a-fishin' with our bent
+pin-hooks; we still drop our weak lines down into the depths, a-fishin'
+for happiness, for rest, for ambition, for Heaven knows what all--and
+now, as in the past, our hooks break or our lines float away on the
+eddies, and we don't catch what we are after.
+
+Poor children! poor creeters!
+
+But I am eppisodin', and to resoom.
+
+As I said to Josiah, what a oversight that wuz my not thinkin' of it!
+
+Sez I, "How the nations would have prized them trees!" And sez I,
+
+"What would Christopher Columbus say if he knew on't?"
+
+And Josiah sez, "He guessed he would have got along without 'em."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "what will America and the World's Fair think on't, my
+makin' such a oversight?"
+
+And he sez, "He guessed they would worry along somehow without 'em."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "I am mortified--as mortified as a dog."
+
+And I wuz.
+
+There wuzn't any need of makin' any mistake about the trees, for there
+wuz a little metal plate fastened to each tree, with the name marked on
+it--the common name and the high-learnt botanical name.
+
+But Josiah, who always has a hankerin' after fashion and show, he talked
+a sight to me about the "Abusex-celsa," and the "Genus-salix," and the
+"Fycus-sycamorus," and the "Atractylus-gummifera."
+
+He boasted in particular about the rarity of them trees. He said they
+grew in Hindoostan and on the highest peaks of the Uriah Mountains; and
+he sez, "How strange that he should ever live to see 'em."
+
+He talked proud and high-learnt about 'em, till I got tired out, and
+pinted him to the other names of 'em.
+
+[Illustration: He talked proud and high learnt about 'em.]
+
+Then his feathers drooped, and sez he, "A Norway spruce, a willer, a
+sycamore, and a pine. Dum it all, what do they want to put on such names
+as them onto trees that grow right in our dooryard?"
+
+"To show off," sez I, coldly, "and to make other folks show off who have
+a hankerin' after fashion and display."
+
+He did not frame a reply to me--he had no frame.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+
+
+I told Josiah this mornin' I wanted to go to the place where they had
+flowers, and plants, and roses, and things--I felt that duty wuz
+a-drawin' me.
+
+For, as I told him, old Miss Mahew wanted me to get her a slip of
+monthly rose if they had 'em to spare--she said, "If they seemed to have
+quite a few, I might tackle 'em about it, and if they seemed to be
+kinder scrimped for varieties, she stood willin' to swap one of her best
+kinds for one of theirn--she said she spozed they would have as many as
+ten or a dozen plants of each kind."
+
+And I thought mebby I could get a tulip bulb--I had had such poor luck
+with mine the year before.
+
+But sez I, "Mebby they won't have none to spare--I d'no how well they be
+off for 'em," but I spozed mebby I would see as many as a dozen or
+fifteen tulips, and as many roses.
+
+He kinder wanted to go and see the plows and horse-rakes that mornin',
+but I capitulated with him by sayin' if he would go there first with me,
+anon we would go together to the horse-rake house.
+
+So we sot out the first thing for the Horticultural Buildin', and good
+land! good land! when we got to it I wuz jest browbeat and frustrated
+with the size on't--it is the biggest buildin' that wuz ever built in
+the world for plants and flowers.
+
+And when you jest think how big the world is, and how long it has stood,
+and how many houses has been built for posies from Persia and Ingy, down
+to Chicago and Jonesville, then you will mebby get it into your head the
+immense bigness on't--yes, that buildin' is two hundred and sixty
+thousand square feet, and every foot all filled up with beauty, and
+bloom, and perfume. It faces the risin' sun, as any place for flowers
+and plants ort to. Like all the rest of the Exposition buildin's, it has
+sights of ornaments and statutes. One of the most impressive statutes I
+see there wuz Spring Asleep. It struck so deep a blow onto my fancy that
+I thought on't the last thing at night, and I waked up in the night and
+thought on't.
+
+There never wuz a better-lookin' creeter than Spring wuz, awful big
+too--riz way up lofty and grand, and hantin' as our own dreams of Spring
+are as we set shiverin' in the Winter.
+
+Her noble face wuz perfect in its beauty, and she sot there with her
+arms outstretched; and grouped all round her wuz beautiful
+forms--lovely wimmen, and babies, and children, all bound in slumber,
+but, as I should imagine, jest on the pint of wakin' up.
+
+I guess they wuz all a-dreamin' about the song of birds a-comin' back
+from the south land, and silky, pale green willers a-bendin' low over
+gurglin' brooks, and pink and white may-flowers a-hidin' under the leafy
+hollows of Northern hills, and the golden glow of cowslips down in the
+dusky brown shallows in green swamps, and white clouds a-sailin' over
+blue skies, and soft winds a-blowin' up from the South.
+
+They wuz asleep, but the cookoo's notes would wake 'em in a minute or
+two; and then I could see by their clothes that they wuz expectin'
+warmer weather. It wuz a very impressive statute. Mr. Tafft done his
+very best--I couldn't have done as well myself--not nigh. Wall, to go
+through that buildin' wuz like walkin' through fairyland, if fairyland
+had jest blown all out full of beauty and greenness.
+
+Right in the centre overhead, way up, way up, is a crystal ruff made to
+represent the sky, and it seems to be a-glitterin' in its crystal beauty
+way up in the clouds; underneath wuz the most beautiful pictures you
+ever see, or Josiah, or anybody. They wuz painted in Paris--not Paris in
+the upper end of Lyme County, but Paris in France, way over the billowy
+Atlantic; and under this magnificent dome wuz all kinds of the most
+beautiful palms, bamboos and tree ferns, with their shiny, feathery
+foliage, and big leaves. Why some of them long, feathery leaves wuz so
+big, if the tree wuz in the middle of our dooryard the ends of 'em
+would go over into the orchard--one leaf; the idee! Why, you would
+almost fancy you wuz in a tropical forest, as you looked up into the
+great feathery masses and leaves as big as a hull tree almost; and
+risin' right in the centre wuz a mountain sixty feet high all covered
+with tropical verdure; leadin' into it wuz a shady, cool grotto, where
+wuz all kinds of ferns, and exquisite plants, that love to grow in such
+spots.
+
+And way in through, a-flashin' through the cool darkness of the spot,
+you could see the wonderful rays of that strange light that has a soul.
+
+And if you will believe it--I don't spoze you will--but there is plants
+here grown by that artificial light--the idee!
+
+I sez to Josiah, "Did you ever see anything like the idee of growin'
+plants by lamplight?" and he sez--
+
+"It is a new thing, but a crackin' good one," and he added--
+
+"What can be done in one place can in another," and he got all excited
+up, and took his old account-book out of his pocket and went to
+calculatin' on how many cowcumbers he could raise in the winter down
+suller by the light of his old lantern.
+
+I discouraged him, and sez I, "You can't raise plants by the light of
+that old karsene lantern, and there hain't no room, anyway, in our
+suller."
+
+And he said, "He wuz bound to spade up round the pork barrel and try a
+few hills, anyway;" and sez he, dreamily, "We might raise a few
+string-beans and have 'em run up on the soap tub."
+
+But I made him put up his book, for we wuz attractin' attention, and I
+told him agin that we hadn't got the conveniences to home that they had
+here.
+
+He put up his book and we wended on, but he had a look on his face that
+made me think he hadn't gin up the idee, and I spoze that some good
+cowcumber seed will be wasted like as not, to say nothin' of karsene.
+
+Wall, all connected with this house is two big open courts, full and
+runnin' over with beauty and wonder; on the south is the aquatic garden,
+showin' all the plants and flowers and wonderful water growth.
+
+Here Josiah begun to make calculations agin about growin' flowers in our
+old mill-pond, but I broke it up.
+
+On the north court is a magnificent orange grove. Why, it makes you
+feel as though you wuz a-standin' in California or Florida, under the
+beautiful green trees, full of the ripe, rich fruit, and blossoms, and
+green leaves.
+
+Wall, the hull house, take it all in all, is such a seen of wonder, and
+enchantment, and delight, that it might have been transplanted, jest as
+it stood, from the Arabian nights entertainment.
+
+And you would almost expect if you turned a corner to meet Old Alibaby,
+or a Grand Vizier, or somebody before you got out of there.
+
+But we didn't; and after feastin' our eyes on the beauty and wonder
+on't, we sot off to see the rest of the flowers and plants, for we laid
+out when we first went to the World's Fair to see one thing at a time so
+fur as we could, and then tackle another, though I am free to confess
+that it wuz sometimes like tacklin' the sea-shore to count the grains of
+sand, or tacklin' the great north woods to count how many leaves wuz on
+the trees, or measurin' the waters of Lake Ontario with a teaspoon, or
+any other hard job you are a mind to bring up.
+
+But this day we laid out to see as much as we could of the immense
+display of flowers.
+
+But where there is milds and milds of clear flowers, what can you do?
+You can't look at every one on 'em, to save your life.
+
+Why, to jest give you a small idee of the magnitude and size, jest think
+of five hundred thousand pansies from every quarter of the globe, and
+every beautiful color that wuz ever seen or drempt of. You know them
+posies do look some like faces, and the faces look like "the great
+multitude no man could number," that we read about, and every one of
+them faces a-bloomin' with every color of the rainbow. And speakin' of
+rainbows, before long we did see one--a long, shinin', glitterin'
+rainbow, made out of pure pansies, of which more anon and bimeby.
+
+And then, think of seein' from five to ten millions of tulips. Why, I
+had thought I had raised tulips; I had had from twenty to thirty in full
+blow at one time, and had realized it, though I didn't mean to be proud
+nor haughty.
+
+But I knew that my tulips wuz fur ahead of Miss Isham's, or any other
+Jonesvillian, and I had feelin's accordin'.
+
+But then to think of ten millions of 'em--why, it would took Miss Isham
+and me more'n a week to jest count 'em, and work hard, too, all the
+time.
+
+Why, when I jest stretched out my eye-sight to try to take in them ten
+millions of globes of gorgeous beauty, my sperits sunk in me further
+than the Queen of Sheba's did before the glory of Solomon; I felt that
+minute that I would love to see Miss Sheba, and neighbor with her a
+spell, and talk with her about pride, and how it felt when it wuz
+a-fallin'. I could go ahead of her, fur, fur, and I thought I would have
+loved to own it up to her, and if Solomon had been present, too, I
+wouldn't have cared a mite--I felt humble. And I jest marched off and
+never said a word about gittin' a root for me or Miss Isham--I wuz
+fairly overcome.
+
+And still we walked round through milds and milds of solid beauty and
+bloom. Every beautiful posey I had ever hearn on, and them I had never
+hearn on wuz there, right before my dazzled eyes.
+
+The biggest crowd we see in the Horticultural Hall wuz round what you
+may call the humblest thing--a tree, something like old Bobbetses calf,
+with five legs.
+
+There wuz a fern from Japan, two separate varieties growin' together in
+one plant.
+
+There wuz Japanese dwarf trees one hundred years old and about as big as
+gooseberries.
+
+A travellin' tree from Madagascar wuz one of the most interestin' things
+to look at.
+
+And then there wuz a giant fern from Australia that measured thirty-two
+feet--the largest, so I wuz told, in Europe or America. Thirty-two feet!
+And there I have felt so good and even proud-sperited over my fern I
+took up out of our woods and brung home and sot out in Mother Smith's
+old blue sugar-bowl. Why, that fern wuz so large and beautiful, and
+attracted the envious and admirin' attention of so many Jonesvillians,
+that I had strong idees of takin' it to the Fair!
+
+Philury said she "hadn't a doubt of my gittin' the first prize medal
+on't." "Why," sez she, "it is as long as Ury's arm!" And it wuz. Miss
+Lum thought it would be a good thing to take it, to let Chicago and the
+rest of the world see what vegetation wuz nateral to Jonesville, feelin'
+that they would most likely have a deep interest in it.
+
+And Deacon Henzy thought "it might draw population there."
+
+And the schoolmaster thought that "it would be useful to the foreign
+powers to see to what height swamp culture had attained in the growth of
+its idigenious plants."
+
+I didn't really understand everything he said--there wuz a number more
+big words in his talk--but I presoom he did, and felt comforted to use
+'em.
+
+Why, as I said, I had boasted that fern wuz as long as my arm.
+
+But thirty-two feet--as high as Josiah, and his father, and his
+grandfather, and his great-grandfather, and his great-great-grandfather,
+and Ury on top.
+
+Where, where wuz my boastin'? Gone, washed away utterly on the sea of
+wonder and or.
+
+And then there wuz a century plant with a blossom stem thirty feet high,
+and a posey accordin', one posey agin as high as my Josiah, and his
+father, and etc., etc., etc., and Ury.
+
+Oh, good gracious! oh, dear me suz!
+
+That plant wuzn't expected to blow out in several years, but all of a
+sudden it shot up that immense stalk, up, up to thirty feet.
+
+It wuz as if the Queen of the Flowery Kingdom had come with the rest of
+the kings and princesses of the earth to the Columbus World's Fair.
+
+Had changed her plans to come with the rest of the royal family. It wuz
+a sight.
+
+Wall, after roamin' there the best part of two hours, I said to my
+companion, "Less go and see the Wooded Island." And he said with a deep
+sithe, "I am ready, and more than ready. The name sounds good to me. I
+would love to see some good plain wood, either corded up or in sled
+length."
+
+I see he wuz sick of lookin' at flowers, and I d'no as I could blame
+him; for my own head seemed to be jest a-turnin' round and round, and
+every turnin' had more colors than any rainbow you ever laid eyes on.
+
+He wuz dretful anxious to git out-doors himself. He said it wuz all for
+himself that he wuz hurryin' so.
+
+I d'no that, but I do know that in his haste to help me git out he
+stepped on my foot, and almost made a wreck of that valuable member.
+
+I looked bad, and groaned, and sithed considerable 'fore he got to the
+sheltered bench he'd sot out for.
+
+He acted sorry, and I didn't reproach him any.
+
+I only sez, "Oh, I don't lay it up aginst you, Josiah. It jest reminds
+me of Sister Blanker."
+
+And he sez, "I don't thank you to compare me to that slab-sided old
+maid."
+
+Sez I, "I believe she's a Christian, Josiah."
+
+And so I do. But sez I, "Folks must be megum even in goodness, Josiah
+Allen, and in order to set down and hold a half orphan in your arms, you
+mustn't overset yourself and come down on the floor on top of a hull
+orphan or a nursin' child.
+
+"You mustn't tromple so fast on your way to the gole as to walk over and
+upset two or three lame ones and paryletics."
+
+Sez I, "Do you remember my eppisode with Sister Blanker, Josiah?"
+
+He did not frame a reply to me, but sot off to look at sunthin' or
+ruther, sayin' that he would come back in a few minutes.
+
+And as I sot there alone Memory went on and onrolled her panorama in
+front of my eyeballs, about my singular eppisode with Drusilla Blanker.
+
+Sister Blanker is a good woman and a Christian, but she never so much as
+sot her foot on the fair plains of megumness, whose balmy, even climate
+has afforded me so much comfort all my life.
+
+No; she is a woman who stalks on towards goles and don't mind who or
+what she upsets on her way.
+
+She is a woman who a-chasin' sinners slams the door in the faces of
+saints.
+
+And what I mean by this is that she is in such a hurry to git inside the
+door of Duty (a real heavy door sometimes, heavy as iron), she don't see
+whether or not it is a-goin' to slam back and hit somebody in the
+forward.
+
+A remarkable instance of this memory onrolled on her panorama--a
+eppisode that took place in our own Jonesville meetin'-house.
+
+The session room where we go to session sometimes and to transact other
+business has got a heavy swing door. And everybody who goes through it
+always calculates to hold it back if there is anybody comin' behind 'em,
+for that door has been known to knock a man down when it come onto him
+onexpected and onbeknown to him.
+
+Wall, Sister Blanker wuz a-goin' on ahead of me one night; it wuz a
+charitable meetin' that we wuz a-goin' to--to quilt a bedquilt for a
+heathen--and she knew I wuz jest behind her--right on her tracts, as you
+may say, for we had sot out together from the preachin'-room, and we had
+been a-talkin' all the way there on the different merits of otter color
+or butnut for linin' for the quilt, and as to whether herrin'-bone
+looked so good as a quiltin' stitch as plain rib.
+
+She favored rib and otter; I kinder leaned toward herrin'-bone and
+butnut.
+
+We had had a agreeable talk all the way, though I couldn't help seein'
+she wuz too hard on butnut, and slightin' in her remarks on
+herrin'-bone.
+
+Anyway, she knew I wuz with her in the body; but as she ketched sight of
+the door that wuz a-goin' to let her in where she could begin to do
+good, her mind jest soared right up, and she forgot everything and
+everybody, and she let that door slam right back and hit me on my right
+arm, and laid me up for over five weeks.
+
+And I fell right back on Edna Garvin, and she is lame, and it knocked
+her over backwards onto Sally Ann Bobbetses little girl, and she fell
+flat down, and Miss Gowdey on top of her, and Miss Gowdey, bein'
+a-walkin' along lost in thought about the bedquilt, and thinkin' how
+much battin' we should need in it, and not lookin' for a obstacle in her
+path, slipped right up and fell forwards. Wall, a-tryin' to save little
+Annie Gowdey from bein' squashed right down, Miss Gowdey throwed herself
+sideways and strained her back. She weighs two hundred, and is
+loose-jinted.
+
+And she hain't got over it to this day. She insists on't that she
+loosened her spine in the affair.
+
+And I d'no but she did!
+
+But the child wuz gin up to die. So for weeks and weeks the Bobbetses
+and all of Sally Ann's relations (she wuz a Henzy and wide connected in
+the Methodist meetin'-house) had to give up all their time a-hangin'
+over that sick-bed.
+
+And the Garvins wuz mad as hens, and they bein' connected with most
+everybody in the Dorcuss Society--and it wuzn't over than above
+large--why, take it with my bein' laid up and the children havin' to be
+home so much, Sister Blanker in that one slam jest about cleaned out the
+hull Methodist meetin'-house.
+
+The quilt wuzn't touched after that night, and the heathen lay cold all
+winter, for all I know.
+
+I had all I could do to take care of my own arm, catnip and lobela
+alternately and a-follerin' after each other I pursued for weeks and
+weeks, and the pain wuz fearful.
+
+Sister Blanker wuz about the only one who come out hull, and she had
+plenty of time to set down and mourn over a lack of opportunities to do
+good, and to talk a sight about the lukewarmness of members of the
+meetin'-house in good works. And there they wuz to home a-sufferin', and
+it wuz her own self who had brung it all on.
+
+You see, as I have said more formally, in our efforts to march forwards
+to do good it is highly neccessary to see that we hain't a-tromplin' on
+anybody; and in order to help sinners in Africa it hain't neccessary to
+knock down Christians in New Jersey and Rhode Island, or to stomp onto
+professors in Maine.
+
+Howsumever, that is some folkses ways.
+
+Wall, I'd a been a-lookin' at the panorama with one half of my mind and
+admirin' the beauty round me with the other half.
+
+But at this minute--and it wuz lucky my eppisode had come to an end, for
+if there is anything I hate it is to be broke up in eppisodin'--my
+Josiah returned.
+
+In front of Horticultural Hall is a flower terrace for out-door exhibits
+of loveliness, and then in front of that is the beautiful, cool water,
+and down in the centre of that, below the terrace, and its beauty, and
+vases, is a boat-landin'. The water did look dretful good to me after
+lookin' at so many gorgeous colors--more than any rainbow ever boasted
+of, enough sight--it did seem good to me to look down into them cool
+waters; and I sez to my pardner--
+
+"The water does look dretful good and sort o' satisfyin', don't it,
+Josiah?"
+
+A bystander a-standin' by sez, "I guess if you would go into the south
+pavilion here and look at the display of wine you wouldn't talk about
+lookin' at water; why," sez he, "to say nothin' of the display of our
+own country, the exhibit of wine from France, Italy, Spain, and Germany
+is enough to set a man half crazy to look at."
+
+I looked at him coldly--his nose wuz as red as fire--and I sez, "I
+hain't got no call to look at wine.
+
+[Illustration: His nose wuz as red as fire.]
+
+"I wouldn't give a cent a barrel for the best there is there, if I had
+got to consoom it myself.
+
+"Though," sez I, reasonably, "I wouldn't object to havin' a pint bottle
+on't to keep in the house in case of sickness, or to make jell, or
+sunthin'.
+
+"But I will not go and encourage the makin' of such quantities as there
+is there, I will not encourage 'em in makin' that show."
+
+He looked mad, and sez he, "I guess they won't stop their show because
+you won't go and see it."
+
+"Probable not," sez I; but sez I, real eloquent, "I will hold up my
+banner afoot or on horseback."
+
+And then I sez to my husband, with quite a good deal of dignity--
+
+"Less proceed to the Wooded Island, Josiah Allen."
+
+But alas! for Josiah's hope of seein' sunthin' plain and simple. When we
+got there, that seemed to be the very central garden of the earth for
+flowers, and beauty, and bloom, and there it wuz that we see the most
+gorgeous rainbow--all made of pansies--glow and dazzlement.
+
+The island contains seventeen acres, and it stands on such a rise of
+ground, that every buildin' on the Fair ground can be seen plain.
+
+In the centre of the south end wuz the rose garden, where the choicest
+and most beautiful roses from all over the world bloom in their glowin'
+richness.
+
+When I thought how much store I had sot by one little monthly rose
+a-growin' in a old earthen teapot of Mother Allen's--and when it wuz
+all blowed out I had reason to be proud on't--
+
+But jest think of seein' fifty thousand of the choicest roses in the
+world, all a-blowin' out at one time.
+
+Why, I had a immense number of emotions.
+
+I thought of the ancient rose gardens we read of, and Solomon's Songs,
+and most everything.
+
+It wuz surrounded on all four sides with a wire trellis, with archways
+openin' on four sides, and all over these pretty trellises climbin'
+roses and honeysuckles, and all lovely climbin' plants covered it into
+four walls of perfect beauty.
+
+It wuz truly the World's Rose Garden.
+
+Well might Josiah say he wuz sick of flowers, and wanted to see some
+plain cord wood! Why, that day we see in one batch twenty thousand
+orchids, six thousand Parmee violets, and one man--jest one man--sent
+'leven hundred ivies and one thousand hydarangeas, and every flower you
+ever hearn on in proportion, let alone what all the other men all over
+the earth had sent.
+
+On the north side of the island Japan jest shows herself at her very
+best, and lets the world see her in a native village, and how she raises
+flowers, and makes shrubs and trees look curious as anything you ever
+see, and curiouser, too; all surrounded a temple where she keeps what
+she calls her religion, and lots of other things.
+
+Japan is one of the likeliest countries that are represented in
+Columbuses doin's. She wuz the first country to respond to the
+invitation to take part in it, and I spoze mebby that is the reason that
+Chicago gin her this beautiful place to hold her own individual doin's
+in. The temple is a gorgeous-lookin' one, but queer as anything--as
+anything I ever see.
+
+But then, on the other hand, I spoze them Japans would call the
+Jonesville meetin'-house queer; for what is strange in one country is
+second nater in another.
+
+This temple is built with one body and two wings, to represent the
+Phoenix--or so they say; the wood part wuz built in Japan and put up
+here by native Japans, brung over for that purpose.
+
+It is elaborate and gorgeous-lookin' in the extreme, and the
+gorgeousness a-differin' from our gorgeousness as one star differeth
+from a rutabaga turnip.
+
+Not that I mean any disrespect to Japan or the United States by the
+metafor, but I had to use a strong one to show off the difference.
+
+In one wing of the temple is exhibited articles from one thousand to
+four thousand years old--old bronzes, and arms, and first attempts at
+pottery and lacquer.
+
+Some of these illustrate arts that are lost fur back in the past--I d'no
+how or where, nor Josiah don't.
+
+In the other wing are Japan productions four hundred years old, showin'
+the state of the country when Columbus sot out to discover their
+country; for it wuz stories of a wonderful island--most probable
+Japan--that wuz one thing that influenced Columbus strong.
+
+In the main buildin' are sights and sights of goods from Japan at the
+present day.
+
+All of the north part of the island is a marvellous show of their skill
+and ingenuity in landscape gardenin', and dwarf trees, and the wonderful
+garden effects for which they are noted.
+
+They make a present of the temple and all of these horticultural works
+to Chicago.
+
+To remain always a ornament of Jackson Park, which I call very pretty in
+'em.
+
+Take it all together, the exhibits of Japan are about as interesting as
+that of any country of the globe.
+
+In some things they go ahead of us fur. Now in some of their
+meetin'-houses I am told they don't have much of anything but a
+lookin'-glass a-hangin', to show the duty and neccessity of lookin' at
+your own sins.
+
+To set for a hour and a half and examine your own self and meditate on
+your own shortcomin's.
+
+How useful and improvin' that would be if used--as it ort to be--in
+Jonesville or Chicago!
+
+But still the world would call it queer.
+
+I leaned up hard on that thought, and wuz carried safe through all the
+queer sights I see there.
+
+I see quite a number of the Japans there, pretty, small-bonded folks,
+with faces kinder yellowish brown, dark eyes sot considerable fur back
+in their heads, their noses not Romans by any means--quite the
+reverse--and their hair glossy and dark, little hands and feet. Some on
+'em wuz dressed like Jonesvillians, but others had their queer-shaped
+clothin', and dretful ornamental. Josiah wuz bound to have a sack
+embroidered like one of theirn, and some wooden shoes, and caps with
+tossels--he thought they wuz dressy--and he wanted some big sleeves that
+he could use as a pocket; and then sez he--
+
+"To have shoes that have a separate place for the big toe, what a boon
+for that dum old corn on that toe of mine that would be!"
+
+But I frowned on the idee; but sez he--
+
+"If you mind the expense, I could take one of your old short night-gowns
+and color it black, and set some embroidery onto it. I could cut some
+figgers out of creton--it wouldn't be much work. Why," sez he, "I could
+pin 'em on--no, dum it all," sez he, "I couldn't set down in it, but I
+could glue 'em on."
+
+But I sez, "If you want to foller the Japans I could tell you a custom
+of theirn, and I would give ten cents willin'ly to see you foller it."
+
+"What is that?" sez he, ready, as I could see, to ornament himself, or
+shave his hair, or dress up his big toe, or anything.
+
+But I sez, "It is their politeness, Josiah Allen."
+
+"I'd be a dum fool if I wuz in your place," sez he. "What do I want to
+foller 'em for? I am polite, and always wuz."
+
+I looked coldly at him, and sez I--
+
+"Japans wouldn't call their wives a dum fool no quicker than they would
+take their heads off."
+
+Sez he, conscience-struck, "I didn't call you one. I said _I_ would be
+one if I wuz in your place--I wuz a-demeanin' myself, Samantha."
+
+Sez I, not mindin' his persiflage, "The Japans are the politest nation
+on the earth; they say cheatin' and lyin' hain't polite, and so they
+don't want to foller 'em; they hitch principle and politeness right up
+in one team and ride after it."
+
+"Wall," sez he, "I do and always have."
+
+I wouldn't deign to argue with him, only I remarked, "Wall, the team
+prances, and throws you time and again, Josiah Allen."
+
+Sez I, "The Japans are neat, industrious, studious, and progressive,
+ardent in desirin' knowledge."
+
+"Wall," sez he, "if you think so much on 'em, why don't you buy a
+pipe--they all smoke, men and wimmen."
+
+He didn't love to hear me praisin' even a nation, that man didn't, but I
+soothed him down by drawin' his attention to the housen of the little
+village.
+
+They wuz low, and had broad eaves, and a sort of a piazza a-runnin' all
+round 'em; they seemed to be kinder plastered on the outside; and the
+doors and winders--I wouldn't want to swear to it--but they did seem to
+be wood frames covered with paper, that would slide back and forth, and
+the partitions of the housen seemed to be made of paper that could be
+slipped and slided every way, or be took down and turn the hull house
+into one room.
+
+And the little gardens round the housen looked curious as a dog, and
+curiouser, with trees and shrubs dwarfed and trained into forms of
+animals and so forth.
+
+But I leaned heavy on the thought that my house and garden in Jonesville
+would look jest as queer to 'em, and got along without bein' too
+dumbfoundered. As I wuz a-walkin' along there I did think of the errant
+Old Miss Baker sent by me.
+
+She wanted me to git her a japanned dust-pan. She said that "them she
+bought of tin-peddlers wuzn't worth a cent--the japan all wore off of
+'em."
+
+"But," sez she, "you buy it right at headquarters--you'd be apt to git a
+good one;" and she told me that I might go as high as twenty-five cents
+if I couldn't git it for no less.
+
+And I spoke on't there, but Josiah said "that he wouldn't go a-luggin'
+round dust-pans for nobody to this Fair."
+
+But I sez, "I guess that Columbus went through more than that."
+
+But I did in my own mind hate to go round before the nations a-carryin'
+a dust-pan--they're so kinder rakish-lookin'.
+
+But if I'd seen a good one I should have leaned on duty and bought it.
+
+But we didn't see no signs of any.
+
+But we see pictures and ornaments so queer that I felt my own eyes
+a-movin' round sideways a-beholdin' of 'em, or would have if we had
+stayed there long enough. We see as we wended along that all round the
+island wuz another garden all full of flowers, and ornamental grasses,
+and beautiful shrubs, and windin' walks, and so forth, and so forth, and
+so forth--an Eden of beauty.
+
+And in one place we see in a large tank the Victoria Regia. Its leaves
+wuz ten feet long, and when in the water in its own home, the River
+Amazon in Brazil, the leaves will hold up a child six years old.
+
+Then there wuz the lotus from Egypt, and Indian lilies, and that
+magnificent flower, Humboldt's last discovery, "the water poppy."
+
+It wuz a sight--a sight.
+
+But of all the sights I see that day I guess the one that stayed by me
+the longest, and that I thought more on than any of the other contents
+of Horticultural Hall, as I lay there on my peaceful pillow at Miss
+Plankses, wuz the reproduction of the Crystal Cave of Dakota.
+
+[Illustration: My peaceful pillow at Miss Plankses.]
+
+The original cave, so fur as they have discovered it, is thirty-three
+milds long--
+
+Three times as long as the hull town of Lyme--the idee!
+
+Thirty lakes of pure water has been found in it, and one thousand four
+hundred rooms have been opened up.
+
+Here is a reproduction of seven of them rooms. Two men of Deadwood of
+Dakota wuz over a year a-gittin' specimens of the stalactites and
+stalagmites which they have brought to the Exposition.
+
+One of the rooms is called "Garden of the Gods;" another is "Abode of
+the Fairies," and one is the "Bridal Chamber;" another is the "Cathedral
+Chimes."
+
+Language can't paint nor do anything towards paintin' the dazzlin' glory
+of them rooms, with the great masses of gleamin' crystal, and slender
+columns, and all sorts of forms and fancies wrought in the dazzlin'
+crystalline masses.
+
+The chimes wuz perfect in their musical records--the guide played a tune
+on 'em.
+
+They wuz all lit up by electricity, and it wuz here that the plants wuz
+a-growin' by no other light but electricity.
+
+By windin' passages a-windin' through groups of fairy-like beauty and
+grandeur, you at last come out into the principal chamber, and here
+indeed you did feel that you wuz in the Garden of the Gods, as you
+looked round and beheld with your almost dazzled eyes the gorgeous
+colors radiatin' from the crystals, and the gleamin' and glowin' fancies
+on every side of you.
+
+And I sez to Josiah--
+
+"The hull thirty-three milds that this represents wuz considered till
+about a year ago as only a small hole in the ground, so little do we
+know." Sez I, "What glorious and majestic sights are about us on every
+side, liable to be revealed to us when the time comes."
+
+And then he wuz all rousted up about a hole down in our paster. Sez he,
+"Who knows what it would lead to if it wuz opened up?" Sez he, "I'll put
+twenty men to diggin' there the minute I git home."
+
+Sez I, "Josiah, that is a woodchuck hole--the woodchuck wuz took in it;
+you have got to be megum in caves as much as anything. Be calm," sez I,
+for he wuz a-breathin' hard and wuz fearful excited, and I led him out
+as quick as I could.
+
+But he wuz a-sleepin' now peaceful, forgittin' his enthusiasm, while I,
+who took it calm at the time, kep awake to muse on the glory of the
+spectacle.
+
+After we left the Horticultural Buildin' I proposed that we should
+branch out for once and git a fashionable dinner.
+
+"Dinner!" sez Josiah. "Are you crazy, or what does ail you? Talk about
+gittin' dinner at this time of day--most bedtime!"
+
+But I explained it out to him that fashion called for dinner at the hour
+that we usually partook of our evenin' meal at Jonesville.
+
+Sez I, "Josiah, I would love for jest once to go to a big fashionable
+restaurant and mingle with the fashionable throng--jest for instruction
+and education, Josiah, not that I want to foller it up."
+
+But sez he, "We'd better go to the same old place where we've got good,
+clean dinners and supperses, and enough on 'em, and at a livin' price."
+
+But he argued warm at the foolishness of the enterprise.
+
+But onlucky creeter that I wuz, I argued that, bein' a woman in search
+of instruction and wisdom, I wanted to see life on as many sides as I
+could; while I was at Columbuses doin's I wanted to look round and see
+all I could in a social and educational way.
+
+Poor deceived human creeters, how they will blind their own eyes when
+they pursue their own desires!
+
+I do spoze it wuz vanity and pride that wuz at the bottom of it.
+
+And truly, if I desired to see life on a new side I wuz about to have my
+wish; and if I had a haughty sperit when I entered that hall of fashion,
+it wuz with droopin' feathers and lowered crest that I went out on't.
+
+Josiah wuz mad when he finally gin up and accompanied and went in with
+me.
+
+It wuz a beautifully decorated room, and crowds of splendidly dressed
+men and wimmen wuz a-settin' round at little tables all over the room.
+
+And as we went in, a tall, elegant-lookin' man, who I spozed for a long
+time wuz a minister, and I wondered enough what brung him there, and why
+he should advance and wait on me, but spozed it wuz because of the high
+opinion they had of me at Chicago, and their wantin' to use me so awful
+well.
+
+But for all his white collar, and necktie, and sanctimonious look, I
+found out that he wuz a waiter, for all on 'em looked jest as he did,
+slick enough to be kept in a bandbox, and only let out once in a while
+to air.
+
+Wall, he led the way to a little table, and we seated ourselves, Josiah
+still a-actin' mad--mad as a hen, and uppish.
+
+And then the waiter put some little slips of paper before us, one with
+printin' and one with writin' on it, and a pencil, and sez he, "I will
+be back when you make out your order."
+
+And Josiah took out his old silver spectacles and begun to read out
+loud, and his voice wuz angry and morbid in the extreme.
+
+Sez he, loud and clear, "Blue pints--pints of what, I'd love to know? If
+it wuz a good pint of sweetened vinegar and ginger, I'd fall in with the
+idee."
+
+Sez I, "Keep still, Josiah; they're a-lookin' at you."
+
+"Wall, let 'em look," sez he, out loud and defiant.
+
+"Consomme of chicken a la princess--what do we want of Princesses here,
+or Queens, or Dukesses--we want sunthin' to eat! Devilish crabs--do
+you want some, Samantha?"
+
+I looked over his shoulder, in wild horrer at them awful words, and then
+I whispered, "Devilled crabs--and do you keep still, Josiah Allen; I'd
+ruther not have anythin' to eat at all than to have you act so--it
+hain't devilish."
+
+"Wall, what is the difference?" he sez, out loud and strong; "devilish
+or bedevilled, they both mean the same.
+
+"And it is true, too--too true; they are all bedevilled," sez he,
+gloomily eyin' the bill.
+
+I allers hated crabs from the time they used to fasten to my bare toes
+down in the old swimmin' hole in the creek. "Wall, you don't want any
+bedevilled crabs, do you?"
+
+[Illustration: "I allus hated crabs!"]
+
+"No," sez I, faintly; for I wuz mortified enough to sink through the
+floor if there had been any sinkin' place, and I whispered, "I'd ruther
+go without any dinner at all than to have you act so."
+
+"Oh, no," sez he, loud and positive, "you don't want to go without your
+dinner; you want to be fashionable and cut style--you want to make a
+show."
+
+"Wall," sez I, faint as a cat, "I am apt to git my wish."
+
+For three men looked up and laughed, and one girl snickered, besides
+some other wimmen.
+
+Sez I, hunchin' him, "Do be still and less go to our old place."
+
+"Oh, no," sez he, speakin' up to the top of his voice, "don't less
+leave; here is such a variety!"
+
+"Potatoes surprise," sez he; "it must be that they are mealy and cooked
+decent; that would be about as much of a surprise as I could have about
+potatoes here, to have 'em biled fit to eat; we'll have some of them,
+anyway.
+
+"Philadelphia caperin'--I didn't know that Philadelphia caperin' wuz any
+better than Chicago a-caperin' or New York a-caperin'. Veal o just! I
+guess if he had been kicked by calves as much as I have, he wouldn't
+talk so much about their Christian habits.
+
+"Leg of mutton with caper sass--wall, it is nateral for sheep to caper
+and act sassy, and it is nobody's bizness.
+
+"Supreme pinted bogardus--what in thunder is that? Supreme--wall, I've
+hearn of a supreme ijiot, and I believe that Bogardus is his name.
+
+"Terrapin a-layin' on Maryland--I never knew that terrapin wuz a hen
+before, and why is it any better to lay on Maryland than anywhere else?
+Mebby eggs are higher there; wall, Maryland hain't much too big for a
+good-sized hen's nest, nor Rhode Island neither."
+
+"Josiah Allen," I whispered, deep and solemn, "if you don't stop I will
+part with you."
+
+Folks wuz in a full snicker and a giggle by this time.
+
+"Oh, no," sez he, loud and strong, "you don't want to part with me till
+I git you a fashionable dinner, and we both cut style.
+
+"Tenderloin of beef a-tryin' on"--a-tryin' on what, I'd love to
+know?--style, most probable, this is such a stylish place."
+
+"Will you be still, Josiah Allen?" sez I, a-layin' holt of his vest.
+
+"No, I won't; I am tryin' to put on style, Samantha, and buy you
+sunthin' stylish to eat."
+
+"Wall, you needn't," sez I; "I have lost my appetite."
+
+"Siberian Punch! Let him come on," sez Josiah; "if I can't use my fists
+equal to any dum Siberian that ever trod shoe leather, then I'll give
+in."
+
+Then three wimmen giggled, and the waiters began to look mad and
+troubled.
+
+"English rifles"--wall, I shouldn't have thought they would have tried
+that agin. No, trifles," sez he, a-lookin' closer at it.
+
+"English trifles!--lions' tails and coronets, mebby--English trifles and
+tutty-frutty. Do have some tutty-frutty, Samantha, it has such a stylish
+sound to it, so different from good pork and beans and roast beef; I
+believe you would enjoy it dearly.
+
+"Waiter," sez he, "bring on some tutty-frutty to once."
+
+The waiter approached cautiously, and made a motion to me, and touched
+his forehead.
+
+He thought he wuz crazy, and he whispered to me, "Is it caused by
+drinkin'? or is it nateral and come on sudden--"
+
+Josiah heard it, and answered out loud, "It wuz caused by style, by
+bein' fashionable; my only aim has been to git my wife a fashionable
+dinner, but I see it has overcome her."
+
+The waiter wuz a good-hearted-lookin' man--a kind heart beat below that
+white necktie (considerable below it on the left side), and sez he to
+me--
+
+"Shall I bring you a dinner, Mom, without takin' the order?"
+
+And I replied gratefully--
+
+"Yes, so do;" and so he brung it, a good enough dinner for anybody--good
+roast beef, and potatoes, and lemon pie, and tea, and Josiah eat
+hearty, and had to quiet down some, though he kept a-mournin' all
+through the meal about its not bein' carried on fashionable and stylish,
+and that it wuz my doin's a-breakin' it up, and etc., etc., and the last
+thing a-wantin' tutty-frutty, and etc., etc.
+
+And I paid for the meal out of my own pocket; the waiter thought I had
+to on account of my companion's luny state, and he gin the bill to me.
+
+And Josiah a-chucklin' over it, as I could see, for savin' his money.
+
+And I got him out of that place as quick as I could, the bystanders, or
+ruther the bysetters, a-laughin' or a-lookin' pitiful at me, as their
+naters differed.
+
+And as we wended off down the broad path on the outside, I sez, "You
+have disgraced us forever in the eyes of the nation, Josiah Allen."
+
+And he sez, "What have I done? You can't throw it in my face, Samantha,
+that I hain't tried to cut style--that I didn't try to git you a stylish
+meal."
+
+I wouldn't say a word further to him, and I never spoke to him once that
+night--not once, only in the night I thought there wuz a mouse in the
+room, and I forgot myself and called on him for help.
+
+And for three days I didn't pass nothin' but the compliments with him;
+he felt bad--he worships me. He did it all to keep me from goin' to a
+costly place--I know what his motives wuz--but he had mortified me too
+deep.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV.
+
+
+Wall, this mornin' I said that I would go to see the Palace of Art if I
+had to go on my hands and knees.
+
+And Josiah sez, "I guess you'd need a new pair of knees by the time you
+got there."
+
+And I do spoze it wuz milds and milds from where I wuz.
+
+But I only wanted to let Josiah Allen know my cast-iron determination to
+not be put off another minute in payin' my devours to Art.
+
+He see it writ in my mean and didn't make no moves towards breakin' it
+up.
+
+Only he muttered sunthin' about not carin' so much about ile paintin's
+as he did for lots of other things.
+
+But I heeded him not, and sez I, "We will go early in the mornin' before
+any one gits there." But I guess that several hundred thousand other
+folks must have laid on the same plans overnight, for we found the rooms
+full and runnin' over when we got there.
+
+Before we got to the Art Palace, you'd know you wuz in its neighborhood
+by the beautiful statutes and groups of figgers you'd see all round you.
+
+The buildin' itself is a gem of art, if you can call anything a gem that
+is acres and acres big of itself, and then has immense annexes connected
+with it by broad, handsome corridors on either side.
+
+It is Greek in style, and the dome rises one hundred and twenty-five
+feet and is surmounted by Martiny's wonderful winged Victory.
+
+Another female is depictered standin' on top of the globe with wreaths
+in her outstretched hands.
+
+Wall, I hope the figger is symbolical, and I believe in my soul she is!
+
+You enter this palace by four great portals, beautiful with sculptured
+figgers and ornaments, and as you go on in the colonnade you see
+beautiful paintin's illustratin' the rise and progress of Art.
+
+And way up on the outside, on what they call the freeze of the buildin'
+(and good land! I don't see what they wuz a-thinkin' on, for I wuz jest
+a-meltin' down where I wuz, and it must have been hotter up there).
+
+But that's their way.
+
+Wall, way up there and on the pediment of the principal entrances are
+sculptures and portraits of the ancient masters of Art in relief.
+
+In relief? That's what they called it, and I spoze them old men must
+felt real relieved and contented to be sot down there in such a grand
+place, and so riz up like. You could see plain by their liniments how
+glad and proud they wuz to be in Chicago, a-lookin' down on that seen of
+beauty all round 'em. Lookin' down on the terraces richly ornamented
+with balustrades--down over the immense flight of steps down into the
+blue water, with its flocks of steam lanches, and gondolas, like gay
+birds of passage, settled down there ready for flight.
+
+All the light in this buildin' comes down through immense skylights.
+
+There is no danger of folks a-fallin' out of the winders or havin'
+anybody peek in unless it is the man in the moon.
+
+All round this vast room is a gallery forty feet wide, where you could
+lock arms and promenade, and talk about hens.
+
+But you wouldn't want to, I don't believe. You'd want to spend every
+minute a-feastin' your eyes on the Best of the World.
+
+All along the floors of the nave and transepts are displayed the most
+beautiful sculptures that wuz ever sculped in any part of the world,
+while the walls are covered with paintin's and sculptured panels in
+relief.
+
+That's what they call 'em, because it's such a relief for folks to set
+down and look at 'em.
+
+Between the promenades and naves and transepts are the smaller rooms,
+where the private collections of picters are kep and the works of the
+different Art Schools, and the four corners are filled with smaller
+picter galleries.
+
+Why, to go through jest one of them annexes, let alone the palace
+itself, would take a week if you examined 'em as you ort to. Josiah told
+me that mornin', with a encouraged look onto his face--
+
+"Samantha, after we've seen all the ile paintin's we'll go somewhere,
+and have a good time."
+
+"But good land! see all the ile paintin's!"
+
+Why, as I told him after we'd wandered through there for hours and
+hours, sez I, "If we spent every minute of the hull summer we couldn't
+do justice to 'em all."
+
+And we couldn't. Why, it has been all calculated out by a good
+calculator, that spend one minute to a picter, and it would take
+twenty-six days to go through 'em. And good land! what is one minute to
+some of the picters you see. Why, half a day wuzn't none too long to
+pour over some on 'em, and when I say pour, I mean pour, for I see
+dozens of folks weepin' quite hard before some on 'em.
+
+[Illustration: I see dozens of folks weepin' quite hard before some
+on 'em.]
+
+For these picters wuzn't picked out haphazard all over the country. No,
+they had to, every one on 'em, run the gantlet of the most severe and
+close criticism.
+
+The Jury of Admittance stood in front of that gallery, and over it, as
+you may say, like the very finest and strongest wire sieve, a-strainin'
+out all but the finest and clearest merits. No dregs could git
+through--not a dreg.
+
+I guess that hain't a very good metafor, and if I wuzn't in such a hurry
+I'd look round and try to find a better one, not knowin', too, but what
+that Jury of Admittance will feel mad as hens at me to be compared to
+sieves; but I don't mean the common wire ones, such as tin-peddlers
+sell. No, I mean the searchin' and elevatin' process by which the very
+best of our country and the hull world wuz separated from the less
+meritorious ones, and spread out there for the inspiration and delight
+of the assembled nations.
+
+And wuzn't it a sight what wuz to be found there!
+
+Landscapes from every land on the globe--from Lapland to the Orient.
+Tropical forests, with soft southern faces lookin' out of the verdant
+shadows. Frozen icebergs, with fur-clad figgers with stern aspects, and
+grizzly bears and ice-suckles.
+
+Bits of the beauty of all climes under all skies, dark or sunny.
+Mountains, trees, valleys, forests, plains and prairies, palaces and
+huts, ships, boats and balloons. The beauty and the sadness of every
+season of the year, beautiful faces, inspired faces, humbly faces,
+strikin' powerful means, and mean cowardly sly liniments looked out on
+every side of us.
+
+Picters illustratin' every phase of human life, in every corner of the
+globe, from birth to death, from kingly prosperity and luxurious ease to
+prisons and scaffolds, the throne, the hospital, the convent, the
+pulpit, the monastery, the home, the battle-field, the mid-ocean, and
+the sheltered way, and Heaven and Hell, and Life and Death.
+
+Every seen and spot the human mind had ever conceived wuz here
+depictered.
+
+Every emotion man or woman ever felt, every inspiration that ever
+possessed their soul, every joy and every grief that ever lifted or
+bowed down their heads wuz here depictered.
+
+And seens from the literature of every land wuz illustrated, the world
+of matter, the world of mind, all their secrets laid bare to the eyes of
+the admirin' nations.
+
+It wuz a sight--a sight!
+
+Gallery after gallery, room after room did we wander through till the
+gorgeous colorin' seemed to dye our very thoughts and emotions, and I
+looked at Josiah in a kinder mixed-up, lofty way, as if he wuz a ile
+paintin' or a statute, and he looked at me almost as if he considered me
+a chromo.
+
+It wuz a time not to be forgot as long as memory sets up high on her
+high throne.
+
+Room after room, gallery after gallery, beauty dazzlin' us on every
+side, and lameness and twinges of rumatiz a-harassin' us in our four
+extremities.
+
+Why, the sight seemed so endless and so immense, that some of the time
+we felt like two needles in a haymow, a haymow made up of a vision of
+loveliness, and the two little needles feelin' fairly tuckered out, and
+blunted, and browbeat.
+
+Why, we got so kinder bewildered and carried away, that some of the time
+I couldn't tell whether the masterpiece I wuz a-devourin' with my eyes
+come from Germany or Jonesville, from France or Shackville, from Holland
+or from Zoar, up in the upper part of Lyme.
+
+Of course amongst that endless display there wuz some picters that
+struck such hard blows at the heart and fancy that you can't forgit 'em
+if you wanted to, which most probable you don't.
+
+And now, in thinkin' back on 'em, I can't sort 'em out and lay 'em down
+where they belong and mark 'em 1, 2, 3, 4, and etcetry, as I'd ort to.
+
+But I'm jest as likely to let my mind jump right from what I see at the
+entrance to sunthin' that I see way to the latter end of the buildin',
+and visa versa.
+
+It kinder worries me. I love to even meditate and allegore with some
+degree of order and system, but I can't here. I must allegore and
+meditate on 'em jest as they come, and truly a-thinkin' on these
+picters, I feel as Hosey Bigelow ust to say:
+
+"I can't tell what's comin'--gall or honey."
+
+But some of them picters and statutes made perfect dents in my memory,
+and can't be smoothed out agin nohow.
+
+There wuz one little figger jest at the entrance where we went in, "The
+Young Acrobat," that impressed me dretfully.
+
+It wuz a man's hand and arm that wuz a-risin' up out of a pedestal, and
+on the hand wuz set the cutest little baby you ever see. I guess it wuz
+the first time that he'd ever sot up anywhere out of the cradle or his
+ma's arms.
+
+He looked some skairt, and some proud, and too cunnin' for anything, as
+I hearn remarked by a few hundred female wimmen that day.
+
+And like as not it is jest like my incoherence in revery that from that
+little baby my mind would spring right on to the French exhibit to that
+noble statute of Jennie D. Ark, kneelin' there with her clasped hands
+and her eyes lifted as if she wuz a-sayin': "I _did_ hear the voices!"
+
+And so she did hear the language of Heaven, and the dull souls around
+her wuz too earthly to comprehend the divine harmonies, and so they
+burnt her up for it.
+
+Lots of folks are burnt up in different fires to-day, for the same
+thing.
+
+Then mebby my mind will jest jump to the "Age of Iron" or to the
+"Secrets of the Tomb," or "The Eagle and the Vulture," or "Washington
+and Lafayette," or "Charity"--a good-lookin' creeter she wuz--she could
+think of other children besides her own; or mebby it will jump right
+over onto the "Indian Buffalo Hunt"--a horse a-rarin' right up to git
+rid of a buffalo that wuz a-pressin' right in under its forelegs.
+
+I don't see how that hunter could stay on his back--I couldn't--to say
+nothin' to shootin' the arrows into the critter as he's a-doin'.
+
+Or mebby my mind'll jump right over to the "Soldier of Marathon," or
+"Eve," no knowin' at all where my thoughts will take me amongst them
+noble marble figgers.
+
+And as for picters, my revery on 'em now is a perfect sight; a show as
+good as a panorama is a-goin' on in my fore-top now when I let my
+thoughts take their full swing on them picters.
+
+Amongst them that struck the hardest blows on my fancy wuz them that
+told stories that touched the heart.
+
+There wuz one in the Holland exhibit, called "Alone in the World," a
+picter that rousted up my feelin's to a almost alarmin' extent. It wuz a
+picter by Josef Israel.
+
+It wuz a sight to see how this picter touched the hearts of the people.
+No grandeur about it, but it held the soul of things--pathos,
+heart-breakin' sorrow.
+
+A peasant had come home to his bare-lookin' cottage, and found his wife
+dead in her bed.
+
+He didn't rave round and act, and strike an attitude. No, he jest turned
+round and sot there on his hard stool, with his hands on his knees,
+a-facin' the bare future.
+
+The hull of the desolation of that long life of emptiness and grief that
+he sees stretch out before him without her, that he had loved and lost,
+wuz in the man's grief-stricken face.
+
+It wuz that face that made up the loss and the strength of the picter.
+
+I cried and wept in front of it, and cried and wept. I thought what if
+that wuz Josiah that sot there with that agony in his face, and that
+desolation in his heart, and I couldn't comfort him--
+
+Couldn't say to him: "Josiah, we'll bear it together."
+
+I wuz fearful overcome.
+
+[Illustration: I cried and wept in front of it, and cried and
+wept.]
+
+And then there wuz another picter called "Breakin' Home Ties."
+
+A crowd always stood before that.
+
+It wuz a boy jest a-settin' out to seek his fortune. The breakfast-table
+still stood in the room. The old grandma a-settin' there still; time had
+dulled her vision for lookin' forward. She wuz a-lookin' into the past,
+into the realm that had held so many partin's for her, and mebby
+lookin' way over the present into the land of meetin's.
+
+The little girl with her hand on the old dog is too small to fully
+realize what it all means.
+
+But in the mother's face you can see the full meanin' of the
+partin'--the breakin' of the old ties that bound her boy so fast to her
+in the past.
+
+The lettin' him go out into the evil world without her lovin'
+watchfulness and love. All the love that would fain go with him--all the
+admonition that she would fain give him--all the love and all the hope
+she feels for him is writ in her gentle face.
+
+As for the boy, anticipation and dread are writ on his mean, but the man
+is waitin' impatient outside to take him away. The partin' must come.
+
+You turn away, glad you can't see that last kiss.
+
+Then there wuz "Holy Night," the Christ Child, with its father and
+mother, and some surroundin' worshippers of both sects.
+
+Mary's face held all the sweetness and strength you'd expect to see in
+the mother of our Lord. And Joseph looked real well too--quite well.
+
+Josiah said that "the halos round his head and Mary's looked some like
+big white plates."
+
+But I sez, "You hain't much of a judge of halos, anyway. Mebby if you
+should try to make a few halos you'd speak better of 'em."
+
+I often think this in the presence of critics, mebby if they should lay
+holt and paint a few picters, they wouldn't find fault with 'em so glib.
+It looks real mean to me to see folks find so much fault with what they
+can't do half so well themselves.
+
+Then there wuz the wimmen at the tomb of the Christ. The door is open,
+the Angel is begenin' for 'em to enter.
+
+In the faces of them weepin', waitin' wimmen is depictered the very
+height and depth of sorrow. You can't see the face of one on 'em, but
+her poster gives the impression of absolute grief and loss.
+
+The quiverin' lips seems formin' the words--"Farwell, farwell, best
+beloved."
+
+Deathless love shines through the eyes streamin' with tears.
+
+In the British section there wuz one picter that struck such a deep blow
+onto my heart that its strings hain't got over vibratin' still.
+
+They send back some of them deep, thrillin' echoes every time I think
+on't in the day-time or wake up in the night and think on't.
+
+It wuz "Love and Death," and wuz painted by Mr. Watts, of London.
+
+It showed a home where Love had made its sweet restin'-place--vines grew
+up round the pleasant door-way, emblematic of how the heart's deep
+affection twined round the spot.
+
+But in the door-way stood a mighty form, veiled and shadowy, but
+relentless. It has torn the vines down, they lay witherin' at its feet.
+It wuz bound to enter.
+
+Though you couldn't see the face of this veiled shape, a mysterious,
+dretful atmosphere darkened and surrounded it, and you knew that its
+name wuz Death.
+
+Love stood in the door-way, vainly a-tryin' to keep it out, but you
+could see plain how its pleadin', implorin' hand, extended out a-tryin'
+to push the figger away, wuz a-goin' to be swept aside by the
+inexorable, silent shape.
+
+Death when he goes up on a door-step and pauses before a door has got to
+enter, and Love can't push it away. No, it can only git its wings torn
+off and trompled on in the vain effort.
+
+It wuz a dretful impressive picter, one that can't be forgot while life
+remains.
+
+On the opposite wall wuz Crane's noble picter, "Freedom;" I stood before
+that for some time nearly lost and by the side of myself. Crane did
+first-rate; I'd a been glad to have told him so--it would a been so
+encouragin' to him.
+
+Then there wuz another picter in the English section called "The
+Passing of Arthur" that rousted up deep emotions.
+
+I'd hearn Thomas J. read so much about Arthur, and that round extension
+table of hisen, that I seemed to be well acquainted with him and his
+mates.
+
+I knew that he had a dretful hard time on't, what with his wife
+a-fallin' in love with another man--which is always hard to bear--and
+etcetry. And I always approved of his doin's.
+
+He never tried to go West to git a divorce. No; he merely sez to her,
+when she knelt at his feet a-wantin' to make up with him, he sez, "Live
+so that in Heaven thou shalt be Arthur's true wife, and not another's."
+
+I'll bet that shamed Genevere, and made her feel real bad.
+
+And his death-bed always seemed dretful pathetic to me.
+
+And here it wuz all painted out. The boat floatin' out on the pale
+golden green light, and Arthur a-layin' there with the three queens
+a-weepin' over him. A-floatin' on to the island valley of Avilion,
+"Where falls not hail nor rain, nor any snow."
+
+And then there wuz a picter by Whistler, called "The Princess of the
+Land of Porcelain."
+
+You couldn't really tell why that slender little figger in the long
+trailin' silken robes, and the deep dark eyes, and vivid red lips
+should take such a holt on you.
+
+But she did, and that face peers out of Memory-aisles time and time
+agin, and you wake up a-thinkin' on her in the night.
+
+Mr. Whistler must a been dretful interested himself in the Lady of the
+Land of Porcelain, or he couldn't have interested other folks so.
+
+And then there wuz another by Mr. Whistler, called "The Lady of the
+Yellow Buskin."
+
+A poem of glowin' color and life.
+
+And right there nigh by wuz one by Mr. Chase, jest about as good. The
+name on't wuz "Alice."
+
+I believe Alice Ben Bolt looked some like her when she wuz of the same
+age, you know--
+
+"Sweet Alice, whose hair was so brown,
+Who wept with delight when Mr. Ben Bolt gin her a smile;
+And trembled with fear at Mr. Ben Boltses frown."
+
+She ort to had more gumption than that; but I always liked her.
+
+Elihu Vedder's picters rousted up deep emotions in my soul--jest about
+the deepest I have got, and the most mysterious and weird.
+
+Other artists may paint the outside of things, but he goes deeper, and
+paints the emotions of the soul that are so deep that you don't hardly
+know yourself that you've got them of that variety.
+
+In lookin' through these picters of hisen illustratin' that old Persian
+poem, "Omer Kyham"--
+
+Why, I have had from eighty to a hundred emotions right along for half a
+day at a time.
+
+Mr. Vedder had here "A Soul in Bondage," "The Young Marysus and
+Morning," and "Delila and Sampson," and several others remarkably
+impressive.
+
+And Mr. Sargent's "Mother and Child" looked first-rate in its cool, soft
+colors. They put me in mind a good deal of Tirzah Ann and Babe.
+
+And "The Delaware Valley" and "A Gray Lowery Day," by Mr. George Inness,
+impressed me wonderfully. Many a day like it have I passed through in
+Jonesville.
+
+"Hard Times," also in a American department, wuz dretful impressive. A
+man and a woman wuz a-standin' in the hard, dusty road.
+
+His face looked as though all the despair, and care, and perplexities of
+the hard times wuz depictered in it.
+
+He wuz stalkin' along as if he had forgot everything but his trouble.
+
+And I presoom that he'd had a dretful hard time on't--dretful. He
+couldn't git no work, mebby, and wuz obleeged to stand and see his
+family starve and suffer round him.
+
+Yes, he wuz a-walkin' along with his hands in his empty pockets and his
+eyes bent towards the ground.
+
+But the woman, though her face looked haggard, and fur wanner than
+hissen, yet she wuz a-lookin' back and reachin' out her arms towards the
+children that wuz a-comin' along fur back. One of 'em wuz a-cryin', I
+guess. His ma hadn't nothin' but love to give him, but you could see
+that she wuz a-givin' him that liberal.
+
+And Durant's "Spanish Singing Girl" rousted up a sight of admiration;
+she wuz _very_ good-lookin'--looked a good deal like my son's wife.
+
+Well, in the Russian Department (and jest see how my revery flops about,
+clear from America to Russia at one jump)--
+
+There wuz a picter there of a boat in a storm.
+
+And on that boat is thrown a vivid ray of sunshine. You'd think that it
+wuz the real thing, and that you could warm your fingers at it, but it
+hain't--it is only painted sunshine. But it beats all I ever see; I
+wouldn't hesitate for a minute to use it for a noon-mark.
+
+In the German Exhibit wuz as awful a picter as I want to see. It was
+Julia, old Mr. Serviuses girl--Miss Tarquin that now is--a-ridin' over
+her pa and killin' him a purpose, so she could git his property.
+
+To see Miss Tarquin, that wicked, wicked creeter, a-doin' that wicked
+act, is enough to make a perfect race of old maids and bacheldors.
+
+The idea of havin' a lot of children to take care on and then be rid
+over by 'em!
+
+But I shall always believe that she wuz put up to it by the Tarquin
+boys. I never liked 'em--they wuzn't likely.
+
+But the picter is a sight--dretful big and skairful.
+
+And in that section is a beautiful picter by Fritz Uhele, whose figgers,
+folks say, are the best in the world.
+
+"The Angels Appearing to the Shepherds."
+
+Oh, what glowin' faces the angels had! You read in 'em what the
+shepherds did:
+
+"Love, Good Will to Man."
+
+There wuz some little picters there about six inches square, and marked:
+
+"Little Picters for a Child's Album."
+
+And Josiah sez to me, "I believe I'll buy one of 'em for Babe's album
+that I got her last Christmas."
+
+Sez he, "I've got ten cents in change, but probable," sez he, "it won't
+be over eight cents."
+
+Sez I, "Don't be too sanguine, Josiah Allen."
+
+Sez he, "I am never sanguinary without good horse sense to back it up.
+They throwed in a chromo three feet square with the last calico dress
+you bought at Jonesville, and this hain't over five or six inches big."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "buy it if you want to."
+
+"Wall," sez he, "that's what I lay out to do, mom."
+
+So he accosted a Columbus Guard that stood nigh, and sez he--
+
+"I'm a-goin' to buy that little picter, and I want to know if I can take
+it home now in my vest pocket?"
+
+[Illustration: "I'm a-goin' to buy that little picter, and I want to
+know if I can take it home now in my vest pocket?"]
+
+"That picter," sez he, "is twenty thousand dollars. It is owned by the
+German National Gallery, and is loaned by them," and sez he, with a
+ready flow of knowledge inherent to them Guards, "the artist, Adolph
+Menzel, is to German art what Meissonier is to the French. His picters
+are all bought by the National Gallery, and bring enormous sums."
+
+Josiah almost swooned away. Nothin' but pride kep him up--
+
+I didn't say nothin' to add to his mortification. Only I simply said--
+
+"Babe will prize that picter, Josiah Allen."
+
+And he sez, "Be a fool if you want to; I'm a-goin' to git sunthin' to
+eat."
+
+[Illustration: "Be a fool if you want to."]
+
+And he hurried me along at almost a dog-trot, but I would stop to look
+at a "Spring Day in Bavaria," and the "Fish Market in Amsterdam," and
+the "Nun," and some others, I would--they wuz all beautiful in the
+extreme.
+
+Wall, after we come back into the gallery agin, the first picter we went
+to see wuz "Christ Before Pilate," by Mr. Muncaxey.
+
+There He stood, the Man of Sorrows, with His tall figure full of patient
+dignity, and His face full of love, and pity, and anguish, all bent into
+a indescribable majesty and power.
+
+His hands wuz bound, He stood there the centre of that sneering,
+murderous crowd of priests and pharisees. On every side of Him He would
+meet a look of hate and savage exultation in His misery.
+
+And He, like a lamb before the shearers, wuz dumb, bearing patiently the
+sins and sorrows of a world.
+
+The fate of a universe looked out of His deep, sweet eyes.
+
+He could bear it all--the hate, all the ignominy, the cruel death
+drawin' so near--He could bear it all through love and pity--the
+highest heights love ever went, and the deepest pity.
+
+Only one face out of that jeerin', evil crowd had a look of pity on't,
+and that wuz the one woman in the throng, and she held a child in her
+arms.
+
+Mebby Love had taught her the secret of Grief.
+
+Anyway, she looked as if she pitied Him and would have loosed His bonds
+if she could. It wuz a dretful impressive picter, one that touched the
+most sacred feelin's of the beholder.
+
+There wuz a great fuss made over Alma Tadema's picter of "Crowning
+Bachus."
+
+But I didn't approve on't.
+
+The girls' figgers in it wuz very beautiful, with the wonderful floatin'
+hair of red gold crowned with roses.
+
+But I wanted to tell them girls that after they got Mr. Bachus all
+crowned, he'd turn on 'em, and jest as like as not pull out hull
+handfuls of that golden hair, and kick at 'em, and act.
+
+Mr. Bachus is a villain of the deepest dye. I felt jest like warnin'
+'em.
+
+I like Miss Tadema's picters enough sight better--pretty little girls
+playin' innocent games, and dreamin' sweet fancies By the Fireside.
+
+"The Flaggalants," by Carl Marr, is a enormous big picter, but fearful
+to look at.
+
+It made me feel real bad to see how them men wuz a-hurtin' their own
+selves. They hadn't ort to.
+
+Another picter by the same artist, called "A Summer Afternoon," I liked
+as well agin; the soul of the pleasant summer-time looked out of that
+picter, and the faces of the wimmen and children in it.
+
+The little one clingin' to its mother's hand and feedin' the chickens
+looked cute enough to kiss. She favored Babe a good deal in her looks.
+
+"The Cemetery in Delmatia" and the "Market Scene in Cairo," by Leopold
+Muller, struck hard blows onto my fancy. And so did three by Madame
+Weisenger--
+
+"Mornin' by the Sea-shore," "Breakfast in the Country," and "The
+Laundress of the Mountain."
+
+"Christ and the Children," by Julius Schmid, wuz beautiful as could be.
+
+And so wuz "The Death of Autumn," by Franz Pensinger--they held in 'em
+all the sadly glorious beauty of the closing year.
+
+"The Three Beggars of Cordova," by Edwin Weeks, wuz dretful interestin'.
+
+Them tramps set there lookin' so sassy, and lazy, nateral as life. Lots
+of jest such ones have importuned me for food on my Jonesville
+door-step.
+
+[Illustration: Them tramps set there lookin' so sassy and lazy,
+nateral as life.]
+
+Then he had two Hindoo fakirs that wuz real interestin'. The fur-off
+Indian city, the river, and the fakir a-layin' in the boat, tired out, I
+presoom, a-makin' folks stand up in the air, and climb up ladders into
+Nowhere, and eatin' swords, and eatin' fire, and etcetry.
+
+He wuz beat out, and no wonder. The colorin' of this picter is superb.
+
+And so wuz his "Persian Horse Dealers" and others.
+
+Mr. Melcher's "Sermon" and "Communion" wuz very impressive, as nateral
+as the meetin'-housen and congregation at Jonesville and Zoar.
+
+In the Holland Exhibit wuz all kinds of clouds painted--
+
+Clouds a-layin' low in sombre piles, and clouds with the sun almost
+a-shinin' through 'em. Wonderful effects as I ever see.
+
+And I wuz a-lookin' at a picter there so glowin' and beautiful that it
+seemed to hold in it the very secret of summer. The heart fire and glow
+of summer shone through its fine atmosphere. And sez I, "Josiah, did you
+ever see anything like it?"
+
+"Oh, yes," sez he; "it's quite fair."
+
+"Fair!" sez I; "can't you say sunthin' more than that?"
+
+"Wall, from fair to middlin', then," sez he.
+
+"But for real beauty," sez he, "give me them picters made in corn, and
+oats, and beans. Give me that Dakota cow made out of grain, with a tail
+of timothy grass, and straw legs, and corn ear horns. There is real
+beauty," sez he.
+
+"Or that picter in the State Buildin' of the hull farm made in seeds.
+The old bean farm-house, and barley well-sweep, and the fields bounded
+with corn twig fences, and horses made of silk-weed, and manes and tales
+of corn-silk--there is beauty," sez he.
+
+"And as for statutes, I'd ruther see one of them figgers that Miss
+Brooks of Nebraska makes out of butter than a hull carload of marble
+figgers."
+
+I sithed a deep, curious sithe, and he went on:
+
+"Why," sez he, "it stands to reason they're more valuable; what good
+would the stun be to you if a marble statute got smashed? A dead loss on
+your hands.
+
+"But let one of her Iolanthes git knocked over and broke to pieces, why
+there you are, good, solid butter, worth 30 cents of any man's money.
+
+"Give me statuary that is ornamental in prosperity, and that you can eat
+up if reverses come to you," sez he.
+
+"Why," sez he, "there is one hundred kinds of grain in that one model
+farm of Illinois.
+
+"Now, if that picter should git torn to pieces by a cyclone, what would
+a ile paintin' be? A dead loss.
+
+"But that grain farm-house, what food for hens that would make--such a
+variety. Why, the hens would jest pour out eggs fed on the ruins of that
+farm.
+
+"Give me beauty and economy hitched together in one team."
+
+[Illustration: "What food for hens that would make."]
+
+I sithed, and the sithe wuz deep, almost like a groan, and sez I--
+
+"You tire me, Josiah Allen--you tire me almost to death."
+
+"Wall," sez he, "I'm talkin' good horse sense."
+
+Sez I, "I should think it wuz animal sense of some kind--nothin'
+spiritual about it and riz up."
+
+"Wall," sez he, "you'll see five hundred folks a-standin' round and
+praisin' up them seed picters where there is one that gits carried away
+as you do over Wattses 'Love and Death' and Elihu Vedder's dum picters."
+
+"Wall," sez I, in a tired-out axent, "that don't prove anything, Josiah
+Allen. The multitude chose Barrabus to the Divine One.
+
+"Not," sez I reasonably, "that I would want to compare the seed picters
+and the butter females to a robber.
+
+"They're extremely curious and interestin' to look at, and wonderful in
+their way as anything in the hull Exposition.
+
+"But," sez I, "there is a height and a depth in the soul that them
+butter figgers can't touch--no, nor the pop-corn trees can't reach that
+height with their sorghum branches. It lays fur beyond the switchin'
+timothy tail of that seed horse or the wavin' raisen mane of that prune
+charger. It is a realm," sez I, "that I fear you will never stand in,
+Josiah Allen."
+
+"No, indeed," sez he; "and I don't want to. I hain't no desires that
+way."
+
+Again I sithed, and we walked off into another gallery.
+
+Wall, I might write and keep a-writin' from Fourth of July to Christmas
+Eve, and then git up Christmas mornin' and say truly that the half
+hadn't been told of what we see there, and so what is the use of tryin'
+to relate it in this epistle.
+
+But suffice it to say that we stayed there all day long, and that night
+we meandered home perfectly wore out, and perfectly riz up in our two
+minds, or at least I wuz. Josiah's feelin's seemed to be clear fag, jest
+plain wore out fag.
+
+The nights are always cool in Chicago--that is, if the weather is
+anyways comfortable durin' the day.
+
+And this night it wuz so cool that a good woollen blanket and bedspread
+wuz none too much for comfort.
+
+And it wuz with a sithe of contentment that I lay down on my peaceful
+goose-feather pillow, and drawed the blankets up over my weary frame and
+sunk to sleep.
+
+I had been to sleep I know not how long when a angry, excited voice
+wakened me. It said, "Lay down, can't you!"
+
+I hearn it as one in a dream. I couldn't sense where I wuz nor who wuz
+talkin', when agin I hearn--
+
+"Dum it all! why can't you fall as you ort to?"
+
+Wuz some struggle a-goin' on in my room? The bed wuz in an alcove, and I
+could not see the place from where the voice proceeded.
+
+I reached my hand out. My worst apprehensions wuz realized. Josiah wuz
+not there.
+
+Wuz some one a-killin' him, and a-orderin' him to lay still and fall as
+he ort to?
+
+Wuz such boldness in crime possible?
+
+I raised my head and looked out into the room, and then with a wild
+shriek I covered up my head. Then I discovered that there wuz only one
+thin sheet over me.
+
+The sight I had seen had driv' the blood in my veins all back to my
+heart.
+
+A tall white figger wuz a-standin' before the glass, draped from head to
+foot in heavy white drapery.
+
+I'd often turned it over in my mind in hours of ease which I'd ruther
+have appear to me in the night--a burglar or a ghost.
+
+And now in the tumultous beatin's of my heart I owned up that I would
+ruther a hundred times it would be a burglar.
+
+Anything seemed to me better than to be alone at night with a ghost.
+
+But anon, as I quaked and trembled under that sheet, the voice spoke
+agin--
+
+"Samantha, are you awake?" And I sprung up in bed agin, and sez I--
+
+"Josiah Allen, where are you? Oh, save me, Josiah! save me!"
+
+The white figger turned. "Save you from what, Samantha? Is there a mouse
+under the bed, or is it a spider, or what?"
+
+"Who be you?" sez I, almost incoherently. "Be you a ghost? Oh, Josiah,
+Josiah!" And I sunk back onto the pillow and busted into tears. The
+relief wuz too great.
+
+But anon Wonder seized the place that Fear had held in my frame, and
+dried up the tear-drops, and I sprung up agin and sez--
+
+"What be you a-doin', Josiah Allen, rigged up as you be in the middle of
+the night, with the lights all a-burnin'?"
+
+For every gas jet in the room was a-blazin' high.
+
+Sez he, "I am posin' for a statute, Samantha."
+
+And come to look closter, I see he had took off the blanket and
+bedspread and had swathed 'em round his form some like a toga.
+
+And I see it wuz them that he wuz apostrofizin' and orderin' to lay down
+in folds and fall graceful.
+
+And somehow the idee of his takin' the bedclothes offen me seemed to mad
+me about as much as his foolishness and vanity did.
+
+And sez I, "Do you take off them bedclothes offen you, and put 'em back
+agin, and come to bed!"
+
+But he didn't heed me, he went on with his vain doin's and actin'.
+
+"I am impersonatin' Apollo!" sez he, a-layin' his head onto one side and
+a-lookin' at me over his shoulder in a kind of a languishin' way.
+
+Sez he, a-liftin' his heel, and holdin' it up a little ways, "I did
+think I would be Mercury, but I hadn't any wing handy for my off heel. I
+would be strikin' as Mercury," sez he, "but I think I would be at my
+best as Apollo. What do you think I had better be, Samantha?"
+
+[Illustration: "I would be strikin' as Mercury, but I think I would
+be at my best as Apollo."]
+
+"A loonatick would strike me as the right thing, Josiah Allen, or an
+idiot from birth.
+
+"Or," sez I, speakin' more ironicler as my fear died away, leavin' in
+its void a great madness and tiredness, "if you'd brung your scythe
+along you might personate Old Father Time."
+
+I guess this kinder madded him, and sez he, "Don't you want to pose,
+Samantha?
+
+"Don't you want to be the Witch of Endor?" sez he.
+
+"Yes," sez I, "I'd love to! If I _wuz_ her you'd see sights in this room
+that would bow your old bald head in horrow, and drive you, vain old
+creeter that you be, back where you belong."
+
+He wuz afraid he'd gone too fur, and sez he, "Mebby you'd ruther be
+Venus, Samantha? Mebby you'd ruther appear in the nude?"
+
+Sez I, coldly, "I should think that you'd done your best to make me
+appear in that way, Josiah Allen. There's only one thin sheet to keep me
+from it.
+
+"But," sez I, spruntin' up, "if you talk in that way any more to me I'll
+holler to Miss Plank!
+
+"Pardner or no pardner, I hain't a-goin' to be imposed upon this time of
+night!"
+
+Sez I, "I should be ashamed if I wuz in your place, the father and
+grandfather of a family, and the deacon in a meetin'-house, to be up at
+midnight a-posin' for statutes and actin'."
+
+"But," sez he, "I didn't know but they would want to sculp me while I
+wuz here in Chicago, and I thought I'd git a attitude all ready. You
+never know what may happen, and it's always well to be prepared, and
+attitudes are dretful hard to catch onto at a minute's notice."
+
+Sez I, "Do you come back to bed, Josiah Allen. What would they want of
+you for a statute?"
+
+"Wall," sez he, reluctantly relinquishin' his toga, or, in other words
+the flannel blanket and bedspread--
+
+"I see many a statute to-day with not half my good looks, and if Chicago
+wanted me to ornament it, I wanted to be prepared."
+
+I sithed aloud, and sez I--
+
+"Here I be waked up for good, as tired as I wuz, all for your vanity and
+actin'."
+
+"Wall," sez he, "Samantha, my mind wuz all so stirred up and excited by
+seein' so many ile paintin's and statutes to-day, that I felt dretful."
+And as he sez this my madness all died away, as the way of pardners is,
+and a great pity stole into my heart.
+
+I do spoze he wuz half delirous with seein' too much. Like a man who
+has oversot himself and come down on the floor.
+
+That man had been led round too much that day, for my own pleasure; to
+gratify my own esthetik taste I had almost ruined the pardner of my
+youth and middle age.
+
+His mind had been stretched too fur, for the size on't, so I sez
+soothin'ly--
+
+"Wall, wall, Josiah, come back to bed and go to sleep, and to-morrow
+we'll go and see some live stock and some plows and things."
+
+So at last I got him quieted down, though he did murmur once or twice in
+his sleep--Apollo! Hercules! etc., so I see what his inward state wuz.
+
+But towards mornin' he seemed to git into a good sound sleep, and I did
+too, and we waked up feelin' quite considerable rested and refreshed.
+
+And it wuzn't till I had a sick-headache bad, and he wuz more than good
+to me, and I see that he repented deep of it, that I forgive him fully.
+
+But of course it broke up our goin' to fashionable places agin to
+eat--he come out conqueror, after all--men are deep.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI.
+
+
+Wall, this mornin'--it bein' kind of a muggy and cloudy one, I proposed
+that we should go and visit the Fishery Department.
+
+And I d'no why I should a thought on it this mornin' more'n another
+one--only it wuz jest such a day as Josiah and Thomas Jefferson always
+took for goin' a-fishin' in the creek back of Jonesville.
+
+And then we had fish for breakfast too--siscoes--mebby that put me in
+mind on it some.
+
+But anyway, I wuz always interested in the subject of fishin', and the
+hull world is. For what wuz the Postles? Fishers. For what did the Great
+Master name His beloved? Fishers of men.
+
+Why, the Bible is full of fishin' and fisherman, clear back to Jonah;
+and how took up he wuz with a fish, and how full the fish wuz of him!
+
+Fishin' wuz the first industry in the New World.
+
+When our Forefathers landed on Plymouth Rock they found the harbor
+shaped some like a fish-hook, and then consequently they went to
+fishin'.
+
+Who got Washington and his army over the Delaware River that bitter cold
+night in 1777, when the fate of our country wuz a-hangin' over that sea
+of broken ice--ruin on this side, and possible success on the other, but
+the impassable gulf of bitter cold water and the crashing masses of ice
+between--who got 'em acrost? Fisherman.
+
+Our country has always been noted in its interest in fishin'. Why, at
+the Internatial Exhibition at Berlin in 1880, America won the first
+prize given by the Emperor for its display.
+
+And I knew when it done so well on a foreign shore, it wuzn't goin' to
+make any failure of itself here under its own line, and fish tree, so to
+speak.
+
+Wall, as I said, Josiah expressed a willingness to go, and consequently
+and subsequently we went.
+
+Wall, we found it wuz a group of buildin's on a beautiful island--in the
+northern part of the lagoon, joinin' the improved part of Jackson Park.
+
+There wuz three on em' in number. The middle one wuz a long buildin'
+with a high dome, and some towers in the centre on't, and the arches and
+the pillows wuz all ornamented off with figgers of fishes, and crabs,
+and lobsters, and all sorts of water growth. It looked uneek, and
+first-rate, too.
+
+And when I say it wuz a long buildin', I don't want it understood that
+I mean length as we call it in Jonesville, but Chicago length--or rather
+Chicago Jackson Park length, which is fur longer than jest plain Chicago
+largeness.
+
+In the centre of the big buildin' is a fish-pond all ornamented with
+rock work, and all sorts of aquatic plants.
+
+And then all joined on to the main buildin', at each end and connected
+with it by carved arches, handsome as arches wuz ever made in the world,
+and trimmed off in the uneek way I've mentioned prior to and beforehand,
+wuz two other buildin's, each one on 'em 135 feet long.
+
+The buildin' to the east is the aquarum, or live fish exhibit, and that
+to the west is to show off the anglin' exhibit. They wuz round and
+kinder double-breasted lookin' on both sides.
+
+The shape on 'em is called pollygon--probable named after the man's wife
+that built it. It had a good many sides to it--mebby Polly had to her. I
+know wimmen are falsely called seven-sided lots of times.
+
+Wall, in the middle of the buildin' designed for the aquarum is a big
+pool of water 26 feet in diameter; in the middle of the pool is a risin'
+up some rocks covered with moss and ferns, from which cool streams of
+water are a-drippin' and a-drizzlin' down onto the reeds and rushes,
+where the most gorgeous-colored fishes you ever see are playin' round in
+the water, as cool and happy in the middle of a meltin' summer-day--not
+needin' no fans or parasols, jest a-divin' and a-splashin' down in the
+wet water, and enjoyin' themselves. I bet lots of swelterin' folks jest
+envied 'em.
+
+Surroundin' this rotunda, under a glass ruff, runs two lines of
+aquarums, separated by a wide gallery--more'n fifty of 'em in all.
+
+In the fresh water wuz all kinds of fishes from all parts of the
+country, and the world. Salmons, muskalunges, the great Mississippi
+cat-fish, alligators, trout, white-fish, sun-fishes, etc., and etcetry.
+
+In the salt water wuz sharks, torpedoes, dog-fishes, goose-fishes,
+sheeps heads, blue-fishes, weak-fish, and strong ones, too, I should
+think--why, more'n I could name if I should talk all day.
+
+[Illustration: In the salt water wuz sharks, torpedoes, dog fishes,
+goose-fishes, weak-fish, and strong ones, too, I should think.]
+
+Why, I shouldn't a been surprised a mite if I had seen a-floatin' up to
+me that old Leviathan of Job's that "couldn't be pulled out with a hook,
+or his nose with a cord that wuz let down."
+
+Why, I wouldn't a been surprised at nothin'--I felt a good deal of the
+time jest like that in all of the buildin's, and I said so to my Josiah
+when he'd try to surprise me by lookin' at some strange thing. "No,
+Josiah," I would say, "I can't be surprised no more, the time for that
+has gone by--gone by, a long time ago."
+
+And then there wuz gobys, sticklebacks, sea-horses, devil-fishes, and I
+believe there wuz a jell fish, though I didn't see it.
+
+Though so fur as jell goes, as I told Josiah, I would ruther make my own
+jell out of my own berries and crab-apples, and then I know how it's
+made.
+
+But, howsumever, there wuz all the fishes that ever swum in America,
+Mexico, South America, Europe, and Asia, and I d'no but what there wuz a
+few from Africa. And to see on the bottom of them aquarums shells
+a-walkin' round, with the owners of them shells inside of 'em, wuz a
+sight to see.
+
+Why, any one here would have 60 or 70 emotions a minute right
+along--a-seein' these, and a-meditatin' on the wonders of the deep.
+
+And then there wuz the rainbow fish, which is found both on the Pacific
+and Atlantic coasts--it has all the colors the rainbow ever had, and
+more too.
+
+And then to see our own magnificent water-lilies a-floatin' on top of
+the water, and then to see 'em down under the water, with fishes
+a-floatin' all amongst 'em--oh, what a sight! what a sight it wuz!
+
+Outside of the buildin', when at last we did tear ourselves away from
+that seen of enchantment, and went outside, I upheld by my motive to see
+everything I could, and Josiah by the idee that we would step into a
+restaurant that wuzn't fur away.
+
+When outside we see a lot of ponds all illustratin' the best way of pond
+culture, and all sorts of aquatic plants.
+
+Wall, at Josiah's request, we went to the nighest place and had a cup of
+tea and a good little lunch.
+
+And then we went back to see the fish-hooks and things that is in the
+west buildin' of the group.
+
+Josiah said mebby he could git his eye on some new kind of a fish-hook.
+He said he'd love to go beyend Deacon Henzy and Sime Yerden if he
+could--they boasted so over their tackle.
+
+And truly I should have thought he might have gone ahead of anything, or
+anybody, if he could have carried 'em home. There wuz everything that
+could be thought on, or that ever wuz seen in the form of fishin'
+apparatus--every kind of hook, and spear, and rod, and queer-lookin'
+baskets and pots, and tackle to catch eels and lobsters, and then there
+wuz models of fishin' boats and vessels, and everything else under the
+sun that any fisherman ever sot eyes on, from Josiah back to the
+Postles, and from the Postles down to any fishin' club in 1893.
+
+Why, if you'll believe it--and I d'no as I would blame you if you
+wouldn't, it bein' a fish story, as it were--but we did see some
+fish-hooks from Pompeii that had been buried 2000 years, and come out
+fish-hooks after all--a good deal like them Josiah uses in Jonesville
+creek.
+
+And speakin' of old things, we see some fishes that day--the oldest in
+the world; they come from Colorado--dug out of the rocks of ages ago;
+they wuz covered with bone instead of scales, which showed that they had
+had a pretty hard time on't.
+
+[Illustration: They wuz covered with bone instead of scales.]
+
+And then there wuz a big collection of nets made by the Indians from
+seal sinew, seal-skin braided, roots of willow tree, and whalebone.
+
+Of these last it took four men three weeks to make one, and two of these
+wuz gin in exchange for a jug of molasses to make rum with.
+
+A shame and a disgrace! No savage would have cheated so--no, it takes a
+white man to do that.
+
+And we see artificial flies so nateral that a spider would go to weavin'
+a net to catch it.
+
+And artificial grasshoppers, and crickets, and frogs, and little
+artificial minney fish made of metal, glass, pearl, and rubber. Why, if
+I had seen one of 'em in the brook that runs through our paster, I
+should have been tempted to have bent a pin, and take some weltin' cord
+out of my pocket and go to fishin' for it.
+
+And if they fooled me, who am often called very wise, what would you
+think of their foolin' a fish, who hain't got any bump of wisdom on
+their heads?
+
+And then there wuz trollin' spoons of all kinds and shapes, in all kinds
+of metal, and trollin' squids--I'd never hearn of that name
+before--squid! but they had 'em of all kinds; and tackle boxes, and
+floats, and landin' nets, and gaff hooks; there is sunthin' else I never
+hearn on--gaff hooks! and snells, and gimps, and spinners.
+
+Why, I'd never hearn on 'em, and Josiah hadn't either, though he acted
+dretful knowin', and put on a face of extreme enjoyment and
+appreciation. And he sez, "How a man duz enjoy seein' such things that
+he's ust to and knows all about!"
+
+And I sez, "What do you do with squids, anyway, or gaffs, or snells?"
+
+"Why," sez he, "I should snell with 'em, and gaff, and squid. What do
+you spoze?"
+
+"How do you do it?" sez I. "How do you snell?"
+
+And then he had to own up that he didn't know how it wuz done.
+
+Truly it has been said that three questions will floor the biggest
+philosopher. But it only took two to take the pride and vainglory out of
+Josiah Allen.
+
+Wall, the information gathered together here from all parts of the
+world, and disseminated out to individuals of the collected world, will
+probable make a great difference in the enjoyment and practical benefit
+of the fisherman, and tell hard on the fishes of 1894.
+
+Wall, we stayed round here a-lookin' at 'em different buildin's till
+dark, and then we didn't see a thousandth nor a millionth part of what
+wuz to be seen there.
+
+And I hain't half described its wonders and glories as I'd ort to, and
+one reason is, nobody can describe any of the buildin's--no, not if they
+had the tongue of men and angels.
+
+No, they are too stupendous to describe.
+
+And then, agin, I have had a kind of a feelin' of delicacy that has kind
+of held me back--I have been hampered.
+
+For I have kep such a tight grip holt of my principle all the while I've
+been describin' it, that it has weakened the grasp of my good right
+hand on my steel pen.
+
+I knew well how hard, how almost impossible it wuz to talk about fishin'
+for any length of time without lyin'.
+
+But I know I have told Josiah time and agin that it wuz possible to do
+it, if you kep a firm holt of the hellum, and leaned heavy on principle.
+
+I have done it, and I am proud and happy in the thought.
+
+Unless, mebby, I have lied the other way. Good land! I didn't think of
+that; I wuz so determined to keep within bounds, that I am actually
+afraid that I've lied that way; in order not to tell the fish story too
+big, I hain't told it big enough.
+
+Good land! I guess I won't boast any more.
+
+Wall, seein' that I am in sunthin' of a hurry, I will let it go, and
+mebby if I should go over it agin I should lie the other way.
+
+Good land! good land! what a world this is, and with all your care and
+watchfulness, how hard it is to keep walkin' right along, in Injun file,
+along the narrer rope walk of megumness and exact truth.
+
+But I am a-eppisodin', and to resoom.
+
+Wall, as I said, we didn't git home till pitch dark, and then I drempt
+of fish all night, and eels, and alligators, and such. It wuz tegus.
+
+[Illustration: I drempt of fish all night.]
+
+The next mornin' Josiah Allen met me all riz up with a new idee.
+
+He had been out to buy a new pair of suspenders, his havin' gin out the
+day before; and he come to our room, where I wuz calmly settin'
+a-bastin' in some clean cotton lace into the sleeves of my alpaca dress.
+
+And sez he right out abrup, with no preamble, "Samantha, less go down to
+the Fair Ground in a whale."
+
+"In a whale?" sez I; "are you a loonatick, or what duz ail you, to try
+to make a pair of Jonahses of us at our age?"
+
+"Wall," sez he, "they have 'em here to carry folks down to the Fair, I
+know, for I hearn it straight, and I should think we wuz jest the right
+age to go as easy as possible, and try experiments."
+
+"Wall," sez I firmly, "I hain't a-goin' to try no such experiment as
+that. If the Lord called me to tackle a whale, I would tackle it, but I
+hain't had no callin', and I hain't goin' to try to ride out in no
+whale."
+
+"I'm a-callin' you," sez he.
+
+"Wall," sez I dryly, "you hain't the Deity--no, indeed, fur from it."
+
+"Wall," sez he, "I'd love to go, Samantha. What a glorious piece of news
+to carry back to Jonesville, that we rid out in a whale. In the old
+Jonesville meetin'-house now, when Elder Minkley is a-preachin' on
+Jonah--and you know he trots him out a dozen times a year as a
+warnin'--how you and I could lift up our heads and tost 'em, and how the
+necks of the Jonesvillians would be craned round to look at us--we two,
+who had rid out in a whale--we had been right there, and knew how it
+wuz."
+
+"I don't want to show off," sez I, "and I don't want any necks craned or
+tosted on account of my gettin' into a whale and ridin' it;" and then I
+sez, "Good land! what won't Chicago do next?"
+
+And I added, "It don't surprise me a mite; it hain't no more of a wonder
+than lots of things I have seen here. I might a known if Chicago had sot
+its mind on havin' a whale to transport folks to the World's Fair she'd
+a done it, but I won't tackle the job."
+
+"There it is," sez he gloomily, "I never make arrangements to
+distinguish myself and make a name, but you must break it up. I had
+lotted on this, Samantha," sez he.
+
+He looked sad and deprested, and though I was bound not to give in and
+go, yet I made some inquiries.
+
+"How many does the whale carry? What makes you think we could both git
+into it?"
+
+Sez Josiah, "It carries 5000 at a time."
+
+I felt weak as a cat, jest as I had felt time and agin sence I had come
+to Chicago.
+
+"Wall," sez I in weak axents, and dumbfoundered, "any whale story I
+could hear about Chicago wouldn't surprise me a mite."
+
+And I wiped my brow on my white linen handkerchief, for though the idee
+didn't surprise me none, it started the sweat.
+
+Sez Josiah, "It is 225 feet long, and has a fountain in it, and a
+skylight 138 feet long."
+
+But jest at that minute, before I could frame a reply, even if I could
+have found a frame queer-shaped enough to hold my curious--curious
+feelin's--
+
+Miss Plank knocked at the door and said she wuz ready to go--we had made
+arrangements to go together that mornin'--and Josiah tackled her about
+the whale; and sez she briskly--
+
+"Oh, yes; the whaleback Christopher Columbus! It would be a good idee to
+go to the grounds in it; you can go down in it in half an hour--it is
+only seven or eight milds."
+
+So we fell in with her idee; and bein' ust to the place, she took the
+lead, and also the street cars, and we soon found ourselves on board the
+biggest floatin' ship I ever laid eyes on. And I couldn't see as it
+looked much like a whale, unless it wuz that it wuz long, and kinder
+pinted, and turned up at both ends, some the shape of a whale.
+
+Wall, I guess the hull five thousand folks wuz on board, and had brung
+their relations on both sides. It looked like it, and we steamed along
+by the shore for quite a spell, the city a-layin' in plain view for mild
+after mild--or that is, in as plain view as it could be under its
+envelopin' curtain of smoke.
+
+But bimeby the smoke all cleared away, the air wuz clear and pure, and
+the lake lay fair and placid fur off as we could see. It might a been
+the ocean, for all we could tell, for you can't see no further than you
+_can_, anyway, and you can't see no further than that on the Atlantic or
+the Pacific.
+
+Way beyend what you can't see might stretch thousands and thousands of
+milds and a new continent; or it might be a loggin' camp, or Kalamazoo.
+It don't make no difference to your feelin's, it has all the illimitable
+expanse, the vastness of the great ocean.
+
+So it wuz with the outlook on the flashin' blue waters on that magic
+mornin'.
+
+And pretty soon the White City riz up like a city of bewilderin' beauty
+and enchantment, with the sun a-lookin' down from a blue sky, and
+lightin' up the tall, white walls, and gilded domes, and towers, and
+minarets. And as we floated along by Jackson Park, and could git a plain
+view of the perfect buildin's--the lagoons with fairy boats a-skimmin'
+over the sparklin' surface--in fact, in plain view of the hull vast,
+bewilderin' seen of matchless splendor--why, I declare I felt almost as
+if I wuz took back clear into the Arabian Nights Entertainments, and
+magic seens wuz bein' unfolded before my enraptured vision.
+
+Why, I almost felt that my Josiah wuz a genii, and Miss Plank a geniess.
+I wouldn't a wondered a mite any minute if a carpet had dropped down for
+us to git onto, and we floated off into Bagdad. I felt queer--extremely.
+
+But Bagdad nor no other Dad wuz ever so enchantin'ly lovely as the seen
+outspread before our eyes. As surpassin'ly beautiful as the Exposition
+is from every side, hind side and fore side, and from top to bottom, it
+is, I do believe, most radiantly lovely from the water approach.
+
+You needn't be a mite afraid of gittin' your idees too riz up about the
+onspeakable beauty of the seen. No matter if they wuz riz up higher than
+you ever drempt of rizin' 'em up, instead of fallin', they will, so to
+speak, find themselves on the ground floor--in the suller, as you may
+say--so fur up beyend your highest imagination is the reality of that
+wonderful White City of the West--
+
+Magic city that has sprung up there amidst the blue waters and green
+forests like a dream of enchantment, a hymn of glory, with not one
+false, harsh note in it to mar the glory and perfectness of the song.
+
+Now, I have had my idees riz up lots of times--they have riz and fell so
+much that my muse has fairly lamed herself time and agin, and went round
+limpin' for some time.
+
+And Josiah had told me time and agin, as I would go on about the beauty
+I expected to see at the World's Fair, "Samantha, you expect too much;
+you will get dissapinted; tain't Heaven you are goin' to; anybody would
+most expect, to hear you go on, that you expected to see the New
+Jerusalem--you are goin' to be dissapinted."
+
+Wall, sure enough I wuz, but the dissapintment wuz on the other side--I
+hadn't expected half nor a quarter nor a millionth part enough. My muse
+instead of comin' down from the heights that I spozed she wuz on
+a-cungerin' up that seen--to use metafor--she had always, as you may
+say, sot down flat on the ground.
+
+Why, I couldn't do justice to it in words, nor Josiah couldn't, nor Miss
+Plank couldn't, not if we all on us had a dictionary in one hand and a
+English reader in the other, and had travelled down there that beautiful
+mornin' with a brass band.
+
+I wuz so wropped up in my bewildered and extatic admiration that my
+companions wuz entirely lost from sight, when Miss Plank sez--
+
+"Here we are, ready to land." And indeed I see on comin' to myself that
+the hull 5000, and their relations on both sides, wuz on the move, and
+it wuz time for me to disembark myself, which I proceeded to do,
+a-follered by the forms of my Josiah and Miss Plank. She stepped out
+quite briskly over her namesake, and so did Josiah. They didn't take in
+the full beauty and grandeur of the seen as I did--no, indeed.
+
+[Illustration: I proceeded to disembark, a-follered by the forms of
+my Josiah and Miss Plank.]
+
+They could think of vittles even at that time, for I heard Josiah say--
+
+"We will settle on some place to go that is handy to a restaurant."
+
+And Miss Plank picked one where the biled corned beef wuz delicious, and
+the pies and coffee--
+
+Corned beef! oh, my heart, in such a time as this! Beef corned in such a
+hour! But I forgive 'em and pitied 'em, for it wuz my duty.
+
+Wall, we told Josiah he should have his way that mornin', and go where
+he wanted to--and he wanted to tackle Machinery Hall; consequently we
+tackled it.
+
+And how many acres big do you suppose this buildin' wuz? Seventeen acres
+and a half is the size of the floor--
+
+Jest half a acre more than Silenas Bobbetses farm, that he broke old
+Squire Bobbetses will to git, and he and his twin brother Zebulin come
+to hands and blows about, in front of the Jonesville post-office.
+
+Zebulin said it wuz too much land to give to one of the children--they
+wuz leven of 'em--and the farm didn't go round--the others didn't have
+only fifteen acres apiece.
+
+Yes; this one buildin' covered as much ground as Silenas Bobbet gits a
+good livin' from, a-raisin' cabbage and spinach.
+
+And the buildin' wuz seemin'ly all wrought of white marble, with
+statutes, and colonnades, and towers, and everything else for its
+comfort, and inside wuz every machine that wuz ever made or thought on,
+from a sassage-cutter and apple-parer to a steam engine in full blast.
+
+I believe they tuned up higher and louder when I went in--it wouldn't be
+nothin' surprisin' if they did, some as the brass band strikes up as the
+hero enters.
+
+This song wuz the loud, strong chorus of Labor, that echoes all over the
+world, grand chorus that is played by the full orkestry of the sons and
+daughters of toil.
+
+Oh, how many notes there is in this strong, ail-pervadin' anthem!
+Genius, and Patience, and Ambition, and Enterprise, and Ardent
+Endeavor--high notes, and low ones, all blent together, all tuned to the
+hauntin' key. It is a sam that shakes the hull earth with its might.
+
+As I entered this palace, sacred to its song, how its echoes rolled
+through my ear pans, how them pans seemed to fairly shiver under the
+mighty strokes of the song, and its weird, painful accompaniment of
+boilers a-boilin', rollin' mills a-rollin'!
+
+Water wheels, freight elevators--cranes a-cranin', derricks
+a-derrickin', divin' apparatus, fire-extinguishin' apparatus--
+
+Machines of all sorts and kinds to manufacture all sorts of goods, and
+all hands to work at it--silk, cotton, wool, linen, ingy-rubber, ropes,
+and paper.
+
+Saw-mills, wind-mills, printin'-presses a-pressin'. All sorts of tools
+to make all sorts of picters--engravin's, color printin'--picters from
+the 16th century up to 1893--they wuz relief engravin's.
+
+I spoze they are called so because it is such a relief to think we
+don't have to look at them old picters now.
+
+And there wuz half-tone processes, mechanical and medicinal processes,
+and every other process you ever hearn on, and didn't ever hear on,
+right there in a procession in front of me, and all a-processin'.
+
+And there wuz machines for makin' clocks, and watches, and jewelry, and
+buttons, and pins, and all kinds of appliances ever used in machinery,
+and stun, sawin', and glass-grindin' machinery a-grindin' and makin'
+bricks and pottery, and used in makin' artificial stun--the idee!
+
+You'd a thought the stun wuz all made before the Lord rested.
+
+And there wuz rollin' mills a-rollin', and forges a-forgin', and rollin'
+trains, and harnesses, and squeezers a-squeezin'--and every machine that
+wuz ever made to shape metals and tire mills, and mills that wuzn't
+tired, I guess--I didn't see any, but I spoze they wuz there. But they
+all looked tired to me--tired as a dog, but I spoze it wuz my feelin's.
+
+I see all through this buildin' that there wuz more wimmen than men
+there--which shows what interest wimmen takes in solid things as well as
+ornimental.
+
+Wall, we hung around there till I wuz fearfully wore out--with the
+sights I see and the noise I hearn--and it wuz a relief to my eyes and
+ears (and I believe them ear pans never will be the pans they wuz before
+I went in there)--it wuz a relief when my companion begun to feel the
+nawin's of hunger. And after we went through Machinery Hall we went
+through the machine shops, at a pretty good jog, and the power-house,
+where there is the biggest engine in the world--24,000 horse power.
+
+Good land! and in Jonesville we consider 4 horses hitched to a load
+_very_ powerful; but jest think of it, twenty-four thousand horses jest
+hitched along in front of each other--why, they would reach from our
+house clear to Zoar--the idee!
+
+But Josiah's inward state grew worse and worse, and finally sez he, in
+pitiful axents--
+
+"Samantha, I am in a starvin' state," and Miss Plank looked quite bad.
+
+So at their request we went a little further south to the White Horse
+Inn.
+
+This inn is a exact reproduction of the famous White Horse Inn in
+England. Thinkin' so much of Dickens as I do (introduced to him by
+Thomas Jefferson), it wuz a comfort to see over the mantlery-piece the
+well-known form of "Sam Weller," the old maid, and others of Dickenses
+characters, that seem jest as real to me as Thomas Jefferson, or Tirzah
+Ann.
+
+Over the main entrance is a statute of a white horse, lookin'
+considerable like our old mair, only more high-headed.
+
+The original inn had a open court, where stage-coaches drove in to
+unload, and from which Mr. Pickwick and his faithful Sam Weller often
+alighted.
+
+But instead of using it for horses now, they use it for a smokin'-room
+for men; they can't use it for both of 'em, for horses don't want to go
+in there--horses don't smoke; tobacco makes 'em sick--sick as a snipe.
+
+Man is the only animal, so fur as I know, who can have tobacco in any
+shape put into his mouth without resentin' it, it is so nasty.
+
+Wall, we got a good clean meal there at a reasonable price, though Miss
+Plank thought there wuzn't enough emptin' in the bread, and the sponge
+cake lacked sugar. But I think they know how to cook there--that inn is
+the headquarters of the Pickwick Club. Lots of English folks go there,
+as is nateral.
+
+Wall, after we had a lunch and rested for a spell, Josiah proposed that
+we should go and see the Transportation Buildin'.
+
+Miss Plank had to leave us now to go home and see about her cookin'. And
+we wended on alone.
+
+On our way there we met Thomas J. and Maggie and Isabelle. They wuz jest
+a-goin' to Machinery Hall. Maggie and Isabelle looked sweet as two
+new-blown roses, and Thomas J. smart and handsome.
+
+We stopped and visited quite a spell, real affectionate and agreeable.
+
+Oh, what a interestin' couple our son and his wife are! and Isabelle is
+a girl of a thousand.
+
+Krit had gone on to Dakota, on business, they said, but wuz comin' back
+anon--or mebby before.
+
+Truly, if anybody had kep track of their pride and self-conceit, and
+counted how many times it fell, and fell hard, too, durin' the World's
+Fair, it would have been a lesson to 'em on the vanity of earthly
+things, and a good lesson in rithmetic, too.
+
+Why, they couldn't tell the number of times unless they could go up into
+millions, and I d'no but trillions.
+
+Why, it would keep a-fallin' and a-fallin' the hull durin' time you wuz
+there, if you kep watch on it to see; but truly you didn't have no time
+to, no more'n you did your breathin', only when it took a little deeper
+fall than common, and then as it lay prostrate and wounded, it drawed
+your attention to it.
+
+Now, at Jonesville, the neighborin' wimmen had envied and looked up to
+my transportation facilities.
+
+Miss Gowdy and she that wuz Submit Tewksbury would often say to me--
+
+"Oh, if I had your way of gittin' round--if I could only have your way
+of goin' jest where you want to and when you want to!"
+
+Such remarks had fed my vanity and pride.
+
+And I will own right up, like a righteous sinner, that I had ofttimes,
+though I had on the outside a becomin' appearance of modesty--
+
+Yet on the inside I wuz all puffed up by a feelin' of my superior
+advantages--
+
+As I would set up easy on the back seat of the democrat, and the old
+mair would bear me on gloriously, and admired by the neighborin' wimmen
+who walked along the side of the road afoot, and anon the old mair
+a-leavin' 'em fur behind.
+
+And, like all high stations, that back seat in the democrat and that
+noble old mair had brung down envy onto me and mean remarks.
+
+It come straight back to me--Miss Lyman Tarbox told she that wuz Sally
+Ann Mayhew, and she that wuz Sally Ann told the minister's wife, and she
+told her aunt, and her aunt told my son-in-law's mother, and Miss
+Minkley told Tirzah Ann, and she told me--it come straight--
+
+"That Josiah Allen's wife looked like a fool, and acted like one,
+a-settin' up a-ridin' whenever she went anywhere, while them that wuz
+full as likely walked afoot!"
+
+I took them remarks as a tribute to my greatness--a plain
+acknowledgement of my superior means of locomotion and transportation.
+
+They didn't break the puff ball of my vanity and pride, and let the wind
+out--no, indeed!
+
+But alas! alas! as I entered the Transportation Buildin', and looked
+round me, there wuz no gentle prick to that overgrown puff ball to let
+the gas out drizzlin'ly and gradual--no, there wuz a sudden smash, a
+wild collapse, a flat and total squshiness--the puff ball wuz broke into
+a thousand pieces, and the wind it contained, where wuz it? Ask the
+breezes that wafted away Caesar's last groans, that blowed up the dust
+over buried Pompeii.
+
+The buildin' itself wuz a sight--why, it is 960 feet long, and the
+cupola in the centre 166 feet high, with eight elevators to take you up
+to it; the great main entrance wuz all overlaid with gold--looked full
+as good as Solomon's temple, I do believe--and broad enough and big
+enough for a hull army of giants to walk through abreast, and then room
+enough for Josiah and me besides.
+
+But it wuz on the inside of it that my pride fell and broke all to
+pieces, as I looked round me and down the long distance behind and
+before me.
+
+I knew--for I had been told--that one fourth of all the savin's of
+civilized man is invested in railroads, and when I thought of how
+dretful rich some men and countries are, and kings and emperors, etc., I
+felt prepared to do homage to a undertakin' that had swallowed up one
+fourth of all that accumulated wealth.
+
+But sence the world begun, never had there been a exhibition before
+showin' all the railroad systems of the world side by side, all the big
+American railroads, and great Britain, and France, and Germany.
+
+The Baltimore and Ohio exhibit shows how the railroads of the world have
+been thought out gradual, and come up from nothin' to what they
+are--grew up from a little steam carriage that wuz shut up in Paris in
+1760 as bein' disordely.
+
+"Disordely!" Good land! there never wuz a new idee worth anything in
+this world but has been called "disordely" by fools.
+
+You can see that very little carriage here at the Fair; after bein' shut
+up for two hundred years, it comes out triumphant, just as Columbus has.
+
+Stevensonses first engine is here--an exact reproduction--and the hull
+caboodle of the first attempts leadin' up to the engines of to-day.
+
+Dretful interestin' to look at these rough little inventions and to
+speculate on what prophetic strivin's, and yearnin's, and heartaches,
+and despairs, and triumphs went into every one on 'em.
+
+For every one on 'em wuz follered, as a man is by his black shadder, by
+the cold, evil spirits of unbelief, malice, envy, and cheatin'.
+
+The sun the inventors walked under--the glowin' sun of prophecy and
+foreknowledge--always casts such shadders, some as our sun duz, only
+blacker.
+
+And every one of them old engines by the help of machinery is moved and
+turned, just as if Old Time himself had laid his hour-glass offen his
+head, and wuz a-puttin' his old shoulders under their iron shafts, and
+a-settin' them to goin' agin, after so long a time.
+
+How I wished as I looked at 'em that Stevenson and the rest of them men
+who lived, and worked, and suffered ahead of their time, could a been
+there to see the fruit of their glowin' fancies blow out in full bloom!
+
+But then I thought, as I looked out of a winder into the clear, blue
+depths of sky overhead, Like as not they are here now, their souls
+havin' wrought out some finer existence, so etheral that our coarser
+senses couldn't recognize 'em--mebby they wuz right here round the old
+home of their thoughts, as men's dreams will hang round the homes of
+their boyhood.
+
+Who knows now? I don't, nor Josiah.
+
+The New York Central exhibit shows the old Mohawk and Hudson train, a
+model of the first locomotive sot a-goin' on the Hudson in 1807 with a
+boundin' heart and a tremblin' hand by Robert Fulton, and which wuz
+pushed off from the pier and propelled onwards by the sneerin', mockin',
+unbelievin' laughs of the spectators as much as from the breezes that
+swept up from the south.
+
+I would gin a cent freely and willin'ly if I could a seen Robert stand
+there side by side with that old locomotive and the fastest lightin'
+express of to-day--like seed and harvest--with Josiah and me for a
+verdant and sympathizin' background.
+
+Oh, what a sight it would a been, if his emotions could a been laid
+bare, and mine, too!
+
+It would a been a sight long to remember.
+
+But to resoom.
+
+The first locomotive ever seen in Chicago wuz there a-puffin' out its
+own steam. It must felt proud-sperited in all of its old jints, but it
+acted well and snorted with the best on 'em. The 999, the fastest engine
+in the world, wuz by the side of the Clinton, the first engine ever
+made. I opened the coach door and got in. It looked jest like a common
+two-seated buggy of to-day, with seats on top, and water and wood to run
+it with kep in barrels behind the engine.
+
+And England and Germany, not to be outdone, brung over some of their
+finest railroads. Why, Wales brought over some of the actual stun ties
+and iron rails of the first railway in Great Britain; and as for the
+splendor of the coaches, they go beyend anything that wuz ever seen in
+the world. Side by side with the finest passenger coaches that London
+sends stands the Canadian Pacific, with its dinin' and sleepin' cars,
+and you can form an idee about the richness on 'em when I tell you that
+the woodwork of 'em is pure mahogany.
+
+And then the other big railroads, not to be outdone, they have their
+finest and most elegant cars on show--
+
+The Pullman and Wagner and the Empire State, with its lightnin' speed,
+and post-office and newspaper cars, and freight, and express, and
+private cars.
+
+There is a German exhibit of some of them likely ambulance cars used by
+the Red Cross Society in war time--cars that angels bend over as the
+poor dyin' ones are carried from the battle-field--angels of Healin' and
+of Pain.
+
+Then the Belgians have a full exhibit of the light, handy vehicles of
+all shapes, from a barrel to a basket, that they make to run on rails.
+Platforms movin' by the instantaneous action of the Westinghouse brake
+on a train of one hundred cars is a sight to see.
+
+There are railroads for goin' like lightin' over level roads, and goin'
+up and down, and all sorts of street cars, a-goin' by horses, or mules,
+or lightnin', as the case might be. President Polk's old carriage looked
+jest like Grandpa Smedly's great-grandfather's buggy, that stands in
+this old stun carriage house, and has stood there for 100 years and
+more.
+
+And all sorts of gorgeous carriages that wuz ever seen or hearn on, and
+carts, and wagons, and buggies, from a tallyho coach to a invalid's
+chair and a wheelbarrow, and from a toboggan to a bicycle, and
+palanquins of Japan, China, India, and Africa.
+
+Howdahs for elephants, saddles for camels, donkey exhibits from South
+America and Egypt, the rig of the water-carriers of Cairo, the
+milk-sellers of South America, and the cargados, or human pack-horses,
+of both sexes of that country--models that show the human and brute
+forms of labor.
+
+Models of ox-carts, used in Jacob's time, and in which, I dare presoom
+to say, Old Miss Jacob ust to go a-visitin' to old Miss Abraham and
+Isaac, and mebby stay all day, she and the children.
+
+[Illustration: Ox-cart in which old Miss Jacob ust to go
+a-visitin'.]
+
+And pneumatic tubes that I spoze will be used fur more in the future,
+and for more various uses, and all kinds of balloons and air-ships.
+
+Balloon transportation--ridin' through the air swift as the wind--what
+idees that riz up under my fore-top, of takin' breakfast to home, and
+a-eatin' supper with the Widder Albert, or some of her folks, and
+spendin' the night with the Sphynx, a-settin' out by moonlight on the
+pyramids--a-settin' on the top stun, my feet on another one, and my chin
+in my hand, a-meditatin' on queer things, and a-neighborin' with 'em.
+From Jonesville to the Desert of Sarah, in a flash, as it were.
+
+Where wuz the old democrat--where, oh, where wuz she? Ask the ocean
+waves as they break in thunder on the cliff, and hain't heard from no
+more--ask 'em, and if they answer you, you may hear from the old
+democrat.
+
+And then there wuz all kinds of vessels, and boats, and steamships, and
+canal-boats, and yachts, and elevators, and water railways.
+
+Why, right there in plain sight wuz a section sixty feet long of one of
+the new Atlantic steamers, cut out of the ship, some as you cut a
+quarter out of an orange, or cut off a stick of candy.
+
+You can see the hull of the ship in that one piece, from the hold to the
+upper deck--it looks like a structure five stories high--it shows the
+state-room, saloon, music-room, and so forth, fitted up exactly as they
+are at sea, gorgeous and comogeous in the extreme.
+
+And here is the reproduction of the Viking ship, nine hundred years
+old--dug up in a sand-hill in Norway, in 1880. It is fitted up exactly
+as the Storm Kings of one thousand years ago used 'em--thirty-two oars,
+each seventeen feet long. Mebby that same ship brung over some Vikings
+here when the old Newport Mill wuz new.
+
+The English exhibit has a model of H.M.S. Victoria, three hundred and
+sixty feet long; there is a immense lookin'-glass behind this model, so
+as to make it look complete, and it is a sight to behold--a sight.
+
+Why, the U.S. has models of their great steamships, the Etruria and
+the Umbria, and there are every kind of vessels that wuz ever hearn on,
+for trade, pleasure, or war, and all kinds of Oriental ships, and all
+kinds of craft that ever floated in every ocean and river of the known
+world.
+
+From a miniature Egyptian canoe, found in a tomb, to the sheep-skin
+rafts of the Euphrates and the dugouts of Africa, with sails, to the
+gorgeous sail-boats of the Adriatic and the most ancient vessels in the
+world.
+
+What a sight! what a sight! It would take weeks to jest count 'em, let
+alone studyin' 'em as you ort.
+
+And every machine in the known world for propellin' boats and railways,
+from steam to lightnin'.
+
+Where wuz my old mair in such a seen? Oh, ask my droopin' sperits where
+wuz she?
+
+And there wuz everything about protection of life and property,
+communication at sea, protection against storms and fire, and all kinds
+of light-houses and divin' apparatus, and pontoons for raisin' sunken
+vessels out of the depths of the sea.
+
+And relics of Arctic explorations, every one on 'em weighted down with
+memories of cold, and hunger, and frozen death.
+
+And then there wuz movin' platforms and sidewalks. The idee! What
+would Submit and Miss Henzy say--to go out from our house and stand
+stun-still on the side of the road and be moved over to Miss Solomon
+Corkses!
+
+Oh, my soul, oh, my soul, think on't!
+
+And there wuz what they called a gravity road.
+
+And I asked Josiah "what he spozed that wuz?" and he said,
+
+"He guessed it meant our country roads in the spring or fall."
+
+Sez he, "If them roads won't make a man feel grave to drive over 'em, or
+a horse feel grave, too, as they are a-wadin' up to their knees in the
+mud, and a-draggin' a wagon stuck half way up over the hub in slush and
+thick mud"--
+
+Sez he, "If a man won't feel grave under such circumstances, and a
+horse, too, then I don't know what will make him."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "if I wuz in Uncle Sam's place I wouldn't try to display
+'em to foreign nations." Sez I, "They are disgraces to our country, and
+I would hush 'em up."
+
+"Yes," sez Josiah; "that is a woman's first idee to cover up sunthin'."
+
+Sez he, "I honor the old man a-comin' right out and ownin' up his
+weaknesses. The country roads are shameful, and he knew it, and he knew
+that we knew it; so why not come right out open and show 'em up?"
+
+"Wall," sez I, "it would look as well agin in him to show a good road--a
+good country road, that one could go over in the spring of the year
+without wishin' to do as Job did--curse God and die."
+
+Sez Josiah, "Job didn't do that; his wife wanted him to, and he refused;
+men hain't profane naterally."
+
+"Josiah Allen," sez I, "the language you have used over that Jonesville
+road in muddy times has been enough to chill the blood in my veins. Tell
+me that men hain't profane!"
+
+"Not naterally, I said; biles and country roads is enough to make Job
+and me swear." And he looked gloomy as he thought of the stretch from
+Grout Hozletons to Jonesville, and how it looked from March till June.
+
+"Wall," sez I, "less get our minds off on't," and I hurried him on to
+look at the Austrian exhibit, and the Alps seemed to git his mind off
+some.
+
+There they wuz. There was the Alps, with a railroad in the foreground;
+then the ship of the Invincible Armada, in the Madrid exhibit, seemed to
+take up his mind; and all of the guns, from the fifteenth century on to
+our day; and the Spanish collection of models of block-houses, forts,
+castles, towers, and so forth.
+
+In the middle of the main buildin' stood two big masts fifty feet
+high--one of our own day, with every modern convenience; the other like
+them masts on them ships of Columbus.
+
+I hope our sails will waft on the ship of our country to as great a
+success as Columbuses did. Mebby it will; I hope so.
+
+Wall, after we left the Transportation Buildin', sez Josiah, "I am dead
+sick of grandeur, and palaces 30 and 40 acres big, and gildin', and
+arches, and pillars, and iron."
+
+Sez he, "I would give a cent this minute to see our sugar house, and if
+I could see Sam Widrig's hovel, where he keeps his sheep, and our old
+log milk house, I'd be willin' to give a dollar bill."
+
+"Wall," sez I, in a kinder low voice, for I didn't want it to git out--I
+felt that I would ruther lose no end of comfort than to hurt the
+Christopher Columbus World's Fair's feelin's--
+
+I whispered, "I feel jest exactly as you do. And," sez I, "less go and
+find a cabin and some huts if we can, and a board."
+
+So we, havin' been told before where we should find these, wended our
+way to the Esquimo village, and lo! there wuz a big board fence round
+it.
+
+And Josiah went up and laid his hand on them good hemlock boards
+lovin'ly, and sez he, "It looks good enough to eat." I could hardly
+withdraw him from it--he clung to it like a brother.
+
+[Illustration: "It looks good enough to eat."]
+
+Wall, inside that board fence wuz a number of cabins or huts, containin'
+some of 'em a hide bag or a bed, a dog sled with some strips of tin for
+a harness, and some plain tables, white as snow in some huts, and in
+some as black as dirt could make 'em.
+
+There wuz about fifty or sixty males and females and children there, and
+one on 'em, a little bit of a baby, born right there on the Fair ground.
+
+She wuz about as big as a little toy doll. She wuz a-swingin' there in a
+little hammock, and she didn't seem to care a mite whether she wuz born
+up to the Arctic Pole or in Chicago. Good land! what did she care about
+the pole? Mother love wuz the hull equatorial circle to her, and it wuz
+a-bendin' right over her.
+
+The little mother had pantaloons on, and didn't seem to like it; she had
+a long jacket and some moccasins.
+
+Right there inside of that board fence is as good a object lesson as
+you'll find of the cleansin' and elevatin' power of the Christian
+religion. There wuz two heathen families, and their cabins wuz dirty and
+squalid, while the Christianized homes are as clean and pure as hands
+can make 'em.
+
+First godliness, and then cleanliness.
+
+The way the Esquimos tell their age is to have a bag with stuns in it
+for years. Every year in the middle of summer they drop a stun in. How
+handy that would be for them who want to act young--why jest let the
+summer run by without droppin' the stun in, or let a hole come sort o'
+axidental in the bag, and let a few drop out. But, then, what good would
+it do?
+
+Sence Old Time himself is a-storin' up the stunny years in his bag that
+can't be dickered with, or deceived.
+
+And he will jest hit you over the head with them stuns; they will hit
+your head and make it gray--hit your eyes, and they will lose their
+bright light--hit your strong young limbs and make 'em weak and sort o'
+wobblin'.
+
+What use is there a-tryin' to drop 'em out of your own private
+collection of stuns?
+
+But to resoom. The Esquimos show forth some traits that are dretful
+interestin' to a philosopher and a investigator.
+
+They do well with what they have to do with.
+
+Now, no sewin' machine ever made finer stitches than they take on their
+sleepin' bags and their rain coats, etc.
+
+But the thread they use is only reindeer sinews split fine with their
+teeth.
+
+What would they do with sewin' silk and No. 70 thread?
+
+I believe they would do wonders if they had things to do with.
+
+There wuz one young boy who they said wuz fifteen, but he didn't look
+more'n seven or eight. He looked out from his little cap that come right
+up from his coat, or whatever you call it; it looks some like the loose
+frock that Josiah sometimes wears on the farm, only of course Josiah's
+don't have a hood to it.
+
+No, indeed; I never can make him wear a hood in our wildest storms, nor
+a sun-bunnet.
+
+But this little Esquimo, whose name is Pomyak, he looked out on the
+world as if he wuz a-drinkin' in knowledge in every pore; he looked
+kinder cross, too, and morbid. I guess lookin' at ice-suckles so much
+had made his nater kinder cold.
+
+And who knows what changes it will make in his future up there in the
+frozen north--his summer spent here in Chicago?
+
+Anyway, durin' the long, long night, he will always have sunthin'
+besides the northern lights to light up its darkness.
+
+What must memory do for him as he sits by the low fire durin' the six
+months night?
+
+Cold and blackness outside, and in his mind the warm breath of summer
+lands, the gay crowds, the throng of motley dressed foreigners, the
+marvellous city of white palaces by the blue waters.
+
+Wall, Josiah got real rested and sort o' sot up agin. And he laid his
+hand agin lovin'ly on the boards as we left the seen.
+
+Wall, on our way home I had an awful trial with Josiah Allen. Mebby what
+he had seen that day had made him feel kind o' riz up, and want to act.
+
+He and I wuz a-wendin' our way along the lagoon, when all of a sudden he
+sez--
+
+"Samantha, I want to go out sailin' in a gondola--I want to swing out
+and be romantic," sez he.
+
+Sez he, "I always wanted to be romantic, and I always wanted to be a
+gondolier, but it never come handy before, and now I will! I _will_ be
+romantic, and sail round with you in a gondola. I'd love to go by
+moonlight, but sunlight is better than nothin'."
+
+[Illustration: "I want to swing out and be romantic and sail round
+with you in a gondola."]
+
+I looked down pityin'ly on him as he stood a few steps below me on the
+flight o' stairs a-leadin' down to the water's edge.
+
+I leaned hard on my faithful old umbrell, for I had a touch of rumatiz
+that day.
+
+And sez I, "Romance, Josiah, should be looked at with the bright eyes of
+youth, not through spectacles No. 12." Sez I, "The glowin' mist that
+wrops her round fades away under the magnifyin' lights of them specs,
+Josiah Allen."
+
+He had took his hat off to cool his forward, and I sez further--
+
+"Romance and bald heads don't go together worth a cent, and rumatiz and
+azmy are perfect strangers to her. Romance locks arms with young souls,
+Josiah Allen, and walks off with 'em."
+
+"Oh, shaw!" sez Josiah, "we hain't so very old. Old Uncle Smedly would
+call us young, and we be, compared to him."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "through the purblind gaze of ninety winters we may look
+younger, but bald heads and spectacles, Josiah Allen, tell their own
+silent story. We are not young, Josiah Allen, and all our lyin' and
+pretendin' won't make us so."
+
+"Wall, dum it all! I never shall be any younger. You can't dispute
+that."
+
+"No," sez I; "I don't spoze you will, in this spear."
+
+"Wall, I am bound to go out in a gondola, I am bound to be a gondolier
+before I die. So you may as well make up your mind first as last, and
+the sooner I go, the younger I shall go. Hain't that so?"
+
+With a deep sithe I answered, "I spoze so."
+
+And he continued on, "There is such wild, free pleasure on the deep,
+Samantha."
+
+But, sez I, layin' down the sword of common sense, and takin' up the
+weepons of affection,
+
+"Think of the dangers, Josiah. The water is damp and cold, and your
+rumatiz is fearful."
+
+"Dum it all! I hain't a-goin' _in_ the water, am I?"
+
+"I don't know," sez I sadly, "I don't know, Josiah, and anyway the winds
+sweep down the lagoons, and azmy lingers on its wings. Pause, Josiah
+Allen, for my sake, for liniments and poultices as well as clouds have
+their dark linin's, and they turn 'em out to me as I ponder on your
+course." Sez I, "Your danger appauls me, and also the idee of bein' up
+nights with you."
+
+"But," sez he firmly, "I _will_ be a gondolier, I'm bound on't. And,"
+sez he, "I want one of them gorgeous silk dresses that they wear. I'd
+love to appear in a red and yeller suit, Samantha, or a green and
+purple, or a blue and maroon, with a pink sash made of thin glitterin'
+silk, but I spoze that you will break that up in a minute. So, I spoze
+that I shall have to dwindle down onto a silk scarf, or some plumes in
+my hat, mebby--you never are willin' for me to soar out and spread
+myself, but you probable wouldn't break up a few feathers."
+
+I groaned aloud, and mentally groped round for aid, and instinctively
+ketched holt of religion.
+
+Sez I, "Elder Minkley is here, Josiah Allen, and Deacon
+Henzy--Jonesville church is languishin' in debt. Is this a time for
+feathers? What will they think on't? If you can spend money for silk
+scarfs and plumes, they'll expect you, and with good reason, too, to
+raise the debt on the meetin'-house."
+
+He paused. Economy prevailed; what love couldn't effect or common sense,
+closeness did.
+
+His brow cleared from its anxious, ambitious creases, and sez he, "Wall,
+do come on and less be goin."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII.
+
+
+It rained some in the mornin', and Josiah said, "That it wuz
+presumptious for any one to go out onto the Fair ground in such a time."
+
+So he settled down with the last Sunday's _World_, which he hadn't had
+time to read before, and looked and acted as if he wuzn't goin' to stir
+out of his tracks in some time.
+
+[Illustration: He wuzn't goin' to stir.]
+
+But I went out onto the stoop and kinder put my hand out and looked up
+into the clouds clost, and I see that it didn't do no more than to mist
+some, and I felt as if it wuz a-goin' to clear off before long.
+
+So I said that I wuz a-goin' to venter out.
+
+Josiah opposed me warmly, and brung up the dangers that might befall me
+with no pardner to protect me.
+
+He brung up a hull heap on 'em and laid 'em down in front of me, but I
+calmly walked past 'em, and took down my second-best dress and bunnet,
+and a good deep water-proof cape, and sot off.
+
+Wall, I got to the Fair ground with no casualities worth mentionin', and
+I sauntered round there with my faithful umbrell as my only gardeen,
+and see a sight, and took considerable comfort.
+
+I had a good honorable lunch at noon, and I wuz a-standin' on the steps
+of one of the noble palaces, when I see a sedan chair approachin' shaped
+jest like them in my old Gography, borne by two of the men who carry
+such chairs. Curius-lookin' creeters they be, with their gay turbans and
+sashes, and long colored robes lookin' some like my long night-gowns,
+only much gayer-lookin'.
+
+As it approached nearer I see a pretty girlish face a-lookin' out of the
+side from the curtains that wuz drawed away, a sweet face with a smile
+on it.
+
+And I sez to myself, "There is a good, wholesome-lookin' girl, who don't
+care for the rain no more than I do," when I heard a man behind me say
+in a awe-strucken voice, "That is the Princess! that is the Infanty!"
+
+[Illustration: "There is a good, wholesome-lookin' girl."]
+
+And I sez to myself, here is a chance to put yourself right in her eyes.
+For I wuz afraid that she would think that I hadn't done right by her
+sence she come over from Spain to see us.
+
+And I didn't want her to go back with any false impressions. I wanted
+Spain to know jest where I stood in matters of etiquette and
+politeness.
+
+So it happened jest right--she descended from her chair and stood
+waitin' on the steps for the rest of her folks, I guess.
+
+And I approached with good nater in my mean, and my umbrell in my hand.
+
+And sez I, a-holdin' out my hand horsepitably, sez I, "Ulaley, I am
+dretful glad of a chance to see you." Sez I, "You have had so much
+company ever sence you come to America, that I hain't had no chance to
+pay attention to you before.
+
+"And I wanted to see you the worst kind, and tell you jest the reason I
+hain't invited you to my house to visit." Sez I, a-bowin' deep, "I am
+Josiah Allen's Wife, of Jonesville."
+
+"Of Jonesville?" sez she, in a silver voice.
+
+"Yes," sez I; "Jonesville, in the town of Lyme."
+
+Sez I, "You have probable read my books, Ulaley." Sez I, "I spoze they
+are devoured all over the World as eager as Ruger's Arithmetic, or the
+English Reader."
+
+She made a real polite bow here, and I most knew from her looks that she
+wuz familiar with 'em.
+
+And I kep right on, and sez I--
+
+"From everything that I have hearn on you ever sence you come here I
+have took to you, jest as the hull of the rest of America has. We think
+a sight on you--you have shown a pattern of sweetness, and grace, and
+true politeness, that is long to be remembered.
+
+"And I want you to know that the only reason that I hain't invited you
+to Jonesville to visit me is that you have had such sights and sights of
+company and invitations here and there, that I told Josiah that I
+wouldn't put another effort onto you.
+
+"I sez to him, sez I, 'There are times when it is greater kindness to
+kinder slight anybody than it is to make on 'em.' And I told Josiah that
+though I would be tickled enough to have you come and stay a week right
+along, and though, as I sez to him,
+
+"'The Infanty may feel real hurt to not have me pay no attention to
+her,' still I felt that I had Right on my side.
+
+"Sez I, 'It is enough to kill a young woman to have to be on the go all
+the time, as she has had to.' Sez I, 'The American Eagle has jest driv
+her about from pillar to post. And Uncle Sam has most wore his old legs
+out a-escortin' her about "from pleasure to palaces," as the Him reads.'
+
+"And then, sez I, 'She has had considerable to do with Ward McAllister,
+and he's dretful wearin'.'
+
+"He's well-meanin', no doubt, and I have a good deal of sympathy for
+him. For, as I told Josiah, he's gittin' along in years, and I don't
+know what pervision eternity would give to him in the way of
+entertainment and use. He can't expect to go on there to all eternity
+a-samplin' wine, and tyin' neckties, and makin' button-hole bokays.
+
+"And I don't suppose that he will be allowed to sort out the angels, and
+learn 'em to bow and walk backwards, and brand some on 'em four hundred,
+and pick out a few and brand 'em one hundred, and keep some on 'em back,
+and let some on 'em in, and act.
+
+"I d'no what is a-goin' to be done in the next world, the home of
+eternal Truth and Realities, with a man who has spent his hull life
+a-smoothin' out and varnishin' the husks of life, and hain't paid no
+attention to the kernel.
+
+"He tires America dretful, Ward duz, and I spoze like as not he'd be
+still more tuckerin' to Spain, not bein' used to him, and then, too,
+she's smaller, Spain is, and mebby can't stand so much countin' and
+actin'. So, as I said to Josiah, 'The Infanty is a-havin' a hard time
+on't with the Ward McAllisters of society;' for, sez I, 'Though she has
+set 'em a pattern of simple courtesy and good manners every time she's
+had a chance, I knew them four hundred well enough to know that it
+wouldn't be took.' I knew that the American Republic, as showed out by
+Ward McAllister and his 'postles, wouldn't be contented to use the
+simple, quiet courtesy of a Royal Princess.
+
+"No; I knew America and Jonesville would have to see 'em a-goin' on, and
+actin', and a-plannin' which foot ort to be advanced first, and how many
+long breaths and how many short ones could be genteelly drawed by 'em
+durin' a introduction, and how many buttons their gloves must have, and
+how many inches the tops of their heads ort to come from the floor when
+they bowed, and whether their little fingers ort to be held still, or
+allowed to move a little.
+
+"And while Ward and his 'postles was drawed up in a line on one side of
+the ball-room, and not dastin' to move hand or foot for fear they
+wouldn't be moved genteel, you got dead tired a-waitin' for 'em to make
+a move of some kind.
+
+"It wuz a weary, tuckerin' sight to America and me, and must have been
+dretful for you to gone through.
+
+"And I sez to Josiah, 'It is no wonder that the Infanty got so tired of
+them performances that she had to set down and rest.
+
+"It tired America so a-seein' 'em a-pilotin' the party that she would
+have been glad to have sot down and rested.
+
+"Now if I'd invited you, Ulaley, as I wanted to, I wuzn't a-calculatin'
+to draw up Josiah and the boys and Ury on one side of the room, and the
+girls and myself in a line on the other side, and not dastin' to advance
+and welcome you for fear I wouldn't put the right foot out first, or
+wouldn't put in the right number of breaths a second I ort to.
+
+"No; I should have forgot myself in the pleasure of welcomin' you. I
+should have advanced to once with pride and welcome in every line of my
+liniment, and held out my hand in a respectful and joyful greetin', and
+let you know in every move I made how proud and glad I wuz to see you,
+and how proud and glad I wuz you could see me, and then I should have
+introduced Josiah and the children, who would have showed in their happy
+faces how truly welcome you wuz to Jonesville. You'd've enjoyed it first
+rate, Ulaley, and if there had been any difference in our manners from
+what you'd been used to, and we might have made a bow or two less than
+you wuz accustomed to, why, your good sense would have told you that
+manners in Jonesville wuz different from Madrid, and you'd expect it and
+enjoy the difference, mebby.
+
+"Of course, I knew that we couldn't do by you exactly as they do in
+Spain in the way of amusement--we couldn't git up no bull fight, not
+havin' the two materials.
+
+"But Josiah has got a old pair of steers down in our back medder that
+was always touchy and kinder quarrelsome. They are gittin' along in
+years, but mebby there is some fight left in 'em yet.
+
+"I think like as not that Josiah and Ury could have got 'em to kinder
+backin' up and kickin' at each other, and actin'.
+
+"I wouldn't gin a cent to seen it go on, but it would have been
+interesting I hain't a doubt on't, to them that wuz gin to that sort o'
+things.
+
+"But, as I sez, I wouldn't put it on you, Ulaley."
+
+The Infanty looked real pleasant here--she almost laughed, she looked so
+amiable at me; she realized well that she wuz a-meetin' one of the first
+wimmen of the nation, and that woman wuz a-doin' well by her.
+
+"But, as I say, Ulaley, I knew that it wuz too hard for you. I knew that
+between them Ward McAllisters of society, and the hosts of your honest
+admirers, from Uncle Sam down to Commander Davis and Miss Mayor Gilroy,
+you wuz fairly beat out. And I wouldn't put you to the extra effort of
+comin' to Jonesville. I hated to give it up, but Duty made me, and I
+want you to understand it and to explain it all out to Spain jest how it
+wuz."
+
+She smiled real sweet, and said she would, and she said "that she
+appreciated my thoughtful kindness."
+
+She wuz too much of a lady to talk about them that had entertained her.
+
+And I spoze she _had_ been entertained through them New York parties.
+She's quite a case for fun, and we got to feelin' real well acquainted
+with each other, and congenial.
+
+She looked dretful pretty as she looked out sideways at me and smiled.
+She's as pretty as a pink.
+
+And sez she, "You are very kind, madam; I highly appreciate your
+goodness."
+
+"Yes," sez I, "it wuz nothin' but goodness that kep me back, for Josiah
+and I both think our eyes on you, both as a smart, pretty woman, and a
+representative of that country that wuz the means of discoverin' us."
+
+And sez I with a shudder, and a skairful look onto me, "I can't bear to
+think of the contingency to not had Jonesville and Chicago discovered,
+to say nothin' of the rest of the World.
+
+"But," sez I, "my anxiety to put myself right in your eyes has runaway
+with my politeness." Sez I, "How is all your folks?" Sez I, "How is
+little Alphonso? We think a sight of that boy here, and his Ma. She's
+a-bringin' him up first rate, and you tell her that I think so. It will
+encourage her.
+
+"And how is your Ma?" sez I; and then I kinder backed out polite from
+that subject, and sez I, "I dare presoom to say that she has her good
+qualities; and mebby, like all the rest of the world, she has her
+drawbacks."
+
+And then a thought come onto me that made me blush with shame and
+mortification, and sez I, "I hain't said a word about your husband." Sez
+I, "I have said that I would pay particular attention to that man if I
+come in sight on him, and here I be, jest like the rest of America, not
+payin' him the attention that I ort, and leavin' him a-standin' up
+behind you, as usual.
+
+"How is Antoine?" sez I.
+
+She said that "He was very well."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "I am glad on't; from everything that America and I can
+learn of him he is a good feller--a manly, good-appearin', good-actin'
+young man.
+
+"And America and I wish you both dretful well--you and Spain. We think
+dretful well of all of you; and now," sez I, with some stateliness, "I
+am a-goin' to withdraw myself, and not tire you out any more."
+
+And so we shook hands cordial, and said good-bye, and I proceeded to
+withdraw myself, and I wuz jest a-backin' off, as I make a practice of
+doin' in my interviews with Royalty, when Duty gin me a sharp hunch in
+my left side, and I had to lock arms with her, and approach the Infanty
+agin on a delicate subject.
+
+I hated to, but I had to.
+
+Sez I, "Ulaley, I want you to forgive me for it if you feel hurt, but
+there is one subject that I feel as if I want to tackle you on."
+
+Sez I, "You've acted like a perfect lady, and a sampler of all womanly
+and royal graces, ever sence you come over here a-visitin', good enough
+to frame," sez I, "and hang up in our heart of hearts.
+
+"And there hain't but one fault that I have got to find with you, and I
+want to tell you plain and serious, jest as I'd love to have your folks
+tell Tirzah Ann if she should go over to Spain to represent Jonesville--
+
+"I want to say, jest as kind as I can say, that if I wuz in your place I
+wouldn't smoke so much.
+
+"I want to tell you that if my girl, Tirzah Ann, should ever go to
+Spain under the circumstances I speak on, and should light up her pipe
+in the Escurial, I should want you to put it out for her.
+
+"I hate to have you smoke, Ulaley--I hate to like a dog. Of course," sez
+I, in reasonable axents, "if you wanted to smoke a little mullen or
+catnip for the tizik, I wouldn't mind it; but cigaretts are dretful
+onhealthy, and I'm afraid that they will undermind your constitution.
+And I think too much on you, Ulaley, to want you underminded."
+
+[Illustration: "I hate to have you smoke, Ulaley--I hate to like a
+dog."]
+
+She smiled, and said sunthin' about its bein' the custom of her country.
+
+And I looked real pleasant at her, but firm, and sez I, "Customs has to
+be gone aginst by true Reformers, and Prophets, Ulaley." Sez I, "Four
+hundred years ago it wuzn't the custom of the countries to discover new
+worlds.
+
+"But your illustrious countryman branched out and stemmed the tide of
+popular disfavor, and found a grand New Land.
+
+"New Worlds lay before all on us, Ulaley--we can sail by 'em on the
+winds of popular favor and old custom, or we can stem the tide and row
+aginst the stream, and, 'Go in and take the country.'
+
+"You don't know what good lays in your power to do, Ulaley, you sweet
+young creeter you, and now God bless you, and good-bye."
+
+There wuz a tear standin' in every one of my eyes as I said it, for a
+hull tide of emotions from four hundred years past to the present
+swashed up aginst me as I grasped holt of her pretty hand, and we
+parted.
+
+She looked real tender-hearted and good at me, as if she liked me, and
+as if her heart leaned up aginst my heart real clost.
+
+(What duz Ward McAllister and his 'postles know of such rapt moments?)
+
+Her escort driv up in two carriages jest then, and I left her, and as I
+went down the steps on the other side I heard her talkin' volubly to
+'em--a-describin' the great seen that had took place between us, I dare
+say.
+
+They wuz pleased with it, I could see they wuz fairly a-laughin', they
+wuz so edified and highly tickled. Yes, Spain realizes it, my makin' so
+much on't.
+
+Wall, I didn't stay much longer, for weariness, and also the cords of
+affection, wuz a-drawin' me back to Miss Planks.
+
+Wall, the days and weeks wuz a-wearin' away, and Josiah and I wuz
+a-enjoyin' ourselves first rate.
+
+The children, and Isabelle, and Krit wuz a-havin' jest as good a time,
+too, as four smart young folks can have.
+
+Their minds wuz naterally, all four on 'em, as bright as a new dollar,
+and they had been enriched and disciplined by culture and education, so
+there wuz good soil indeed for the marvellous seed sowed here to spring
+up in a bountiful harvest.
+
+They, all four on 'em, enjoyed more than anything else the Congresses,
+and meetin's of the different societies of the world, for noble, and
+humane, and philanthropic interests.
+
+And as for me, if I wuz to be made to tell at the pint of the sword what
+I thought wuz the very best and most glorious product of the World's
+Columbian Fair, I would say I thought it wuz these orations, and
+debates, by the brightest men and wimmen on earth, congregated at
+Columbuses doin's.
+
+They wuz the wreaths of the very finest, sweetest blossoms that crowned
+Uncle Sam's old brow this glorious summer of 1893.
+
+The most advanced thought on religion, art, science, philanthropy, and
+every branch of these noble and riz-up subjects wuz listened to there by
+my own rapt and orstruck ears. And not only the good and eloquent of my
+own Christian race, but Moslem, Buddhist, and Hindoo. Teachers of every
+religious and philosophical system wuz heard, givin' friendly idees, and
+dretful riz-up ones, on every subject designed to increase progress,
+prosperity, and the peace of mankind.
+
+What subjects could be bigger than these, and more important to the
+World and Jonesville? Not any; not one.
+
+And what solid comfort I took through the hull caboodle of 'em--Peace
+Societies, Temperance, Wimmen's Rights, Sabbath Schools, Kindergarten,
+Christian Science, Woman's protective union, Improvement in dress, etc.,
+etc., and etcetry.
+
+I sot happy as a queen through 'em all, and so did the girls,
+a-listenin' to every topic hearn on the great subject of makin' the old
+world happier and better behaved.
+
+Josiah didn't seem to care so much about it.
+
+He would often excuse himself--sometimes he would have a headache, but
+most always his headaches would improve so that he could git out into
+the city somewhere or onto the Fair ground. He would most always
+recooperate pretty soon after we started to the Congress, or Lecture
+Hall, or wherever our intellectual treat wuz.
+
+[Illustration: Sometimes he would have a headache.]
+
+And when I'd come home I'd find him pretty chipper.
+
+And then often the children would come after us in a carriage and take
+us all over the city and out into the suburbs, and display all the
+strange sights to us, or they would take us to the beautiful parks,
+through the long, smooth, beautiful boulevards.
+
+And no city in the world can go ahead of Chicago in this, or so it seems
+to me--the number and beauty of their parks, and the approaches to them.
+There wuz a considerable number of railroads to cross, and I wuz afraid
+of bein' killed time and agin a-crossin' of 'em, and would mention the
+fact anon, if not oftener; but I didn't git killed, not once.
+
+Wall, so Time run along; roses and ripe fruit wreathed his old
+hour-glass, and we didn't hardly realize how fast he wuz a-swingin' his
+old scythe, and how rapid he was a-walkin'.
+
+Isabelle had promised to come and stay a week with me jest as soon as a
+room was vacant.
+
+And so the day that Gertrude Plank left I writ a affectionate note to
+her, and reminded her of her promise, and that I should expect her that
+evenin' without fail.
+
+I sent the note in the mornin', and at my pardner's request, and also
+agreeable to my own wishes, we meandered out into the Fair grounds agin.
+
+There wuz a number of things that we hadn't seen yet, and so there
+would have been if we had stayed there a hull year.
+
+But that day we thought we would tackle the Battle Ship, so we went
+straight to it the nearest way.
+
+Wall, as I looked off and got a plain view of the Illinois, it was
+headed towards me jest right, and I thought it wuz shaped some like my
+biggest flat-iron, or sad-iron, as some call 'em.
+
+And I don't know why, I am sure, unless it is because wimmen are
+middlin' sad when they git a big ironin' in the clothes-basket, and only
+one pair of hands to do it, and mebby green wood, or like as not have to
+pick up their wood, only jest them arms to do it all, them and their
+sad-irons.
+
+Wall, as I say, it wuz headed jest right, so it did look shaped for all
+the world like that old flat-iron that fell on to me from Mother Allen.
+
+Of course it wuz bigger, fur bigger, and had a hull string of flags
+hitched from each end on't to the middle. Wall, it wuz a high,
+good-lookin' banner a-risin' out and perched on top of a curius-lookin'
+smoke-stack.
+
+And for all the world, if that line of flags didn't look some like a
+line of calico clothes a-hangin' out to dry, hitched up in the middle to
+the top of the cherry-tree, and then dwindlin' down each end to the
+corner of the house, and the horse barn.
+
+But I wouldn't have that Battle-Ship git wind on't that I compared it to
+clothes-lines, and flat-irons, not for a dollar bill; for battle-ships
+are naterally ferocious, and git mad easy.
+
+There wuz sights of good-lookin' flags histed up at one end on't,
+besides the clothes-line full, and lots of men a-standin' round on't.
+
+They didn't seem to act a mite afraid, and I don't spoze I ort to be.
+
+But lo and behold! come to pry into things, and look about and find out,
+as the poet sez, that wuzn't a real ship a-sailin' round, as it looked
+like, but it wuz built up on what they call pilin'--jest as if Josiah
+should stick sticks up on the edge of the creek, and build a hen-house
+on 'em, or anything.
+
+[Illustration: Come to pry into things, and look about and find out,
+that wuzn't a real ship a-sailin' round.]
+
+It is a exact full-sized model, three hundred and forty-eight feet long,
+of one of the new coast-line battle-ships now a-bein' built for the
+safety and protection of our country, at a cost of about three million
+dollars each.
+
+The imitation ship is built on the lake front at the northeastern point
+of Jackson Park. It is all surrounded with water, and has all the
+appearance of bein' moored to the wharf.
+
+It has all the fittin's that belong to the actual ship, and all the
+appliances for workin' it.
+
+Officers, seamen, marines, mechanics, are sent there by the navy
+department, and the discipline and way of life on a naval vessel is
+fully shown.
+
+I wuz glad to see that it had a woman for a figger-head.
+
+I guess that the nation thought, after seein' how Miss Palmer went ahead
+and overcome the difficulties in her path, and kep her beautiful face
+serene, and above the swashin' waves of opposition all the time--they
+thought that they wuzn't afraid to let a woman be riz up on their ship,
+a-lookin' fur out over the waters, and a-takin' the lead.
+
+It looked quite well. There wuz lots of lace-work and ornaments about
+her, but she carried herself first rate.
+
+Wall, the ship as a hull is dretful interestin' to warriors and such,
+and mariners.
+
+As for me, I thought more of statutes, and pictures, and posies, and
+Josiah didn't take to it so much as he did to steers, and horse-rakes,
+and so forth.
+
+But good land! in such a time as this, when there is everything on the
+face of the earth, and under it, and above the earth to see, everybody
+has a perfect right to suit themselves in sights, and side shows.
+
+Wall, we stayed there for some time a-lookin' round, and a-meditatin' on
+how useful this ship and others like it would be in case another war
+should break out, and how them ships and what is contained in 'em would
+be the means of savin' America and Jonesville.
+
+And I had quite a number of emotions, and I guess Josiah did too.
+
+And then we kinder sauntered along on that broad, smooth path by the
+side of Lake Michigan, and kinder looked off onto her with a
+affectionate look, and neighbored some with her.
+
+Her waters looked dretful peaceful and calm, after seein' everybody in
+the hull world, and hearin' every voice that ever wuz hearn, a-talkin'
+in every language, and seein' every strange costume that wuz ever worn,
+and etc., etc., etc.
+
+And so we sauntered along till we got to the Casino, and Music Hall
+a-risin' up at the eastern end of the grand basin.
+
+We had laid out to come here before, and should, most probable, if the
+hull of music had been shet up inside of that tall, impressive-lookin'
+buildin'; but truly music had cheered our souls frequent on our daily
+pilgrimages, so we had neglected to pay attention to the Music Hall and
+Casino till now.
+
+Josiah wuz anxious to attend to it.
+
+And I myself felt that Duty drawed me, bein' quite a case for music.
+
+And havin' led the choir for years before my marriage to Josiah Allen,
+and havin' married a man that _sez_ he can sing.
+
+But if the noise he makes is singin', then I would be willin' to say
+that I never had riz the eight notes, or fell 'em neither.
+
+But he sez that he loves music; and he had talked quite a good deal to
+me about the Music Hall and Casino.
+
+That Casino didn't sound quite right; it sounded sunthin' like
+"Seven-Up" and "Pedro," and I told him so.
+
+But he said that "it wuz all right;" he said "that it wuz took from the
+Hebrew."
+
+But I believe he said that to blind my eyes. Wall, when we hove in sight
+of it we see the high towers that riz up above it some distance off,
+with flags a-comin' kinder out of it on both sides, some like a
+stupendious pump, with handles on both sides and red table-cloths
+a-hangin' over 'em, but immense--immense in height.
+
+Wall, I spozed it would look as well agin there as the Jonesville
+Singin' School, and be fur bigger.
+
+But good land! and good land!
+
+Why, jest the entrance to them buildin's is enough to strike the most
+careless beholder with or. Such pillows, and such arches, and such
+ornaments, I never expected to see till I got through with _this_
+planet anyway.
+
+But there wuz one piece of sculpture there that when I see it I
+instinctively stopped stun still and gazed up at it with mingled
+feelin's of pride and sorrow.
+
+It wuz a chariot in which stood the Discoverer, a-lookin' off,
+fur-sighted, and determined, and prophetic, and everything else that
+could be expected of that noble Prophet and Martyr, Columbus.
+
+The chariot wuz drawn by four high-headed and likely horses as I ever
+see. But alas! for my own sect.
+
+Two noble and beautiful wimmen stood a-walkin' afoot, barefoot
+too--stood right there between the horses, each one a-holdin' the bits
+of two of them high-headed beasts, and their huffs ready to kick at 'em.
+They didn't look afraid a mite, so I don't know as I need to worry about
+'em.
+
+But I couldn't help thinkin'--that is the way that it has always been,
+men a-ridin' the chariots of Power, drawed by satisfied ambition, and
+enterprise, and social and legal powers, and the wimmen a-walkin' along
+afoot by the side of the chariot, and a-leadin' the horses.
+
+Bringin' men into the world, nurturin' 'em, comfortin' 'em through life,
+and weepin' over their tomb.
+
+Yes, she has led the horse, but walked afoot, and the stuns have been
+sharp and cold under her bare feet, and the dust from the chariot has
+riz up and blinded her sad eyes time and agin, so's that she couldn't
+look off any distance. The horses have been hard bitted; their high
+huffs and heads drawed dretful hard at the bit held in her weak grasp,
+and she has been kicked a good deal by their sharp huffs.
+
+On the two off horses there wuz two figgers a-holdin' up high gorgeous
+banners; of course they wuz men, and of course they wuz ridin'.
+
+Three men a-ridin' and two wimmen a-walkin' afoot; it didn't seem right.
+
+Not that I begretched Columbus--that noble creeter--the ease he had; if
+I'd had my way I'd had a good spring seat fixed onto that chariot, so
+that he could rid a-settin' down; or, at any rate, I'd laid a board
+acrost it, with a buffalo robe on't. I wouldn't had him a-standin' up.
+
+It hain't because I've got anything aginst Columbus--no indeed; but I am
+such a well-wisher of my own sect that I hate to see 'em in such a
+tryin' place.
+
+But I wuz glad of one thing, and mebby that wuz one thing that made them
+poor wimmen look so fearless and sort of riz up.
+
+They wuz in the East--they wuz in the past; the sun wuz a-movin' along,
+they could foller its rays along into the golden day. Why, right before
+'em, on the other side of the basin, with only a little water between
+'em that would soon be crossed, they could see a woman a-towerin' up a
+hundred feet, in plain view of all the countries of the assembled world,
+a-holdin' in her outstretched hand the emblems of Power and Liberty.
+
+But to resoom: Josiah and I had a first-rate time there at that Music
+Hall, and enjoyed ourselves first rate a-hearin' that most melodious
+music, though pretty loud, and a-seein' the Musicianers all dressed up
+in the gayest colors, as if they wuz officers.
+
+And truly they wuz. They marshalled the rank and file of that most
+powerful army on earth, the grand onseen forces of melody, that
+vanquishes the civilized and savage alike, and charms the very beast and
+reptile.
+
+The sweet power that moves the world, and the only earth delight that we
+know will greet us in the land of the Immortals.
+
+Truly the hour we spent there wuz long, long to be remembered.
+
+And after we reluctantly left the Hall of Melody, the music still
+swelled out and come to our ears in hauntin' echoes.
+
+Josiah had wandered away to a little distance to see sunthin' or ruther
+that had attracted his attention, and I stood still, lost in thought,
+and almost by the side of myself, a-listenin' to the low, sobbin' music
+of the band.
+
+[Illustration: A-listenin' to the low, sobbin' music.]
+
+I wuz almost by the side of myself with my rapt emotions when I hearn a
+voice that recalled me to myself--
+
+"Drusilla, I'm clean beat out."
+
+"Are you, Deacon Sypher? Wall, it is because you are so smart, and see
+so much."
+
+Truly, thinkses I, it don't take much smartness to see much in this
+place.
+
+But instinctively with that idee come the thought--nobody but Drusilla
+Sypher could or would make that admirin' remark.
+
+And I turned and advanced onto 'em with a calm mean.
+
+But I see in that first look that they looked haggard and wan, as wan
+agin as I ever see 'em look, and fur, fur haggarder. They looked all
+broke up, and their clothes looked all rumpled up and seedy, some as if
+they had slept in 'em for some weeks. But I hain't one to desert old
+friends under any circumstances, so I advanced onto 'em, and sez, with a
+mean that looked welcomin' and glad--
+
+"Why, Drusilla and Deacon Sypher," sez I, "how glad I am to see you!
+When did you come? Have you been here long?"
+
+And they said "they had been in Chicago some five weeks."
+
+"Is that so?" sez I. "And how have you enjoyed the Fair? I spoze you
+have seen a good deal, if you have been here so long."
+
+Sez Drusilly, "This is the first time we have been on to the Fair
+ground."
+
+"Why'ee!" sez I, "what wuz the matter?"
+
+She turned round, and see that Deacon Sypher had stopped some distance
+away to speak to my pardner and to look at sunthin' or ruther, and she
+told me all about it.
+
+She said that the Deacon had thought that it would be cheaper to live in
+a tent, and cook over a alcohol lamp; so they had hired a cheap tent,
+and went to livin' in it.
+
+But a hard wind and rain-storm come up the very first night, and blew
+the hull tent away; so they had to live under a umbrell the first night
+in a hard rain.
+
+Wall, she took a awful cold, and by the time they got the tent fastened
+down agin she wuz down with a sore throat and wuz feverish, and couldn't
+be left alone a minit, so the doctor said.
+
+[Illustration: She took a awful cold.]
+
+So the Deacon had to stay with her night and day, and change poultices,
+and give medicine, etc., and he had to hire porridges made for her, and
+things.
+
+There wouldn't any of the campers round 'em do anything for 'em; for he
+had, accordin' to his own wishes, got right into a perfect nest of
+Prohibitionists. The Deacon wuz perfectly devoted to the temperance
+cause himself--wouldn't drink a drop to save his life--and dretful
+bitter and onforgivin' to them that drinked.
+
+But it happened that bottle of alcohol for their lamp got broke right
+onto the Deacon's clothes. His vest, and pantaloons, and coat wuz jest
+soaked with it; so's when he went after help they called him an old
+soaker, and said if he'd been sober the tent wouldn't have broke loose.
+They scorfed at him fearful, and wouldn't do a thing to help him.
+
+He told 'em he wuz a strict tetoteler, and hadn't drinked a drop for
+over forty years.
+
+And they said, "Git out, you wretched old sot! You smell like a saloon!"
+
+And another said, "Don't tell any of your lies to me, when jest one
+whiff of your breath is enough to make a man reel."
+
+It cut the Deacon up dretful to be accused of drinkin' and lyin'. But
+they wouldn't one of 'em help a mite, and it kep him boned right down
+a-waitin' on her.
+
+And they, jest as she got a little better, there come on a drizzlin'
+rain, and it soaked right down through the tent, and run in under it, so
+they wuz a-drippin', both on 'em.
+
+But the Deacon took it worse than she did, for he elevated her onto
+their trunks, made a bed up on top of 'em for her as well as he could.
+
+But he got soaked through and through, and it brung on rumatiz, and he
+couldn't move for over nine days. And the doctors said that his case wuz
+critical.
+
+Of course she couldn't leave him, and havin' to cook over a alcohol
+lamp, it kep her to home every minit, even if he could be left.
+
+So she said they got discouraged, and their bills run up so high for
+doctors, and medicines, and plasters, etc., that they calculated to
+break up tent and go and board for a few days, git a look at the Fair,
+and then go home.
+
+And sez she, "I spoze you have been here every day."
+
+"Yes," sez I; "we would have a nice warm breakfast and supper at our
+boardin' place, and a good comfortable bed to sleep in, and we would buy
+our dinner here on the Fair ground, and we have kep real well."
+
+She looked enviously at me out of her pale and haggard face.
+
+Sez she, "We have both ruined our stomachs a-livin' on crackers and
+cheese. I shall never see a well day agin! And we both have got rumatiz
+for life, a-layin' round out-doors. It is dangerous at our time of
+life," sez she.
+
+"What made you do it, Drusilla?" sez I.
+
+"Wall," she said, "the Deacon wanted to; he thought he couldn't afford
+to board in a house; and you know," sez Drusilla, "that the Deacon is a
+man of most splendid judgment."
+
+"Not in this case," sez I.
+
+And then, at my request, she told me what they had paid out for doctors
+and medicines, and it come to five dollars and 63 cents more than Josiah
+and I had paid for our board, and gate fees, and everything. And that
+didn't count in the cost of their two dyspeptic boards, or their agony
+in sickness and sufferin', or their total loss of happiness and
+instruction at the Fair.
+
+When we reckoned this up Drusilla come the nighest to disapprovin' of
+the Deacon's management that I ever knew her to. She sez, and it wuz
+strong language for Drusilla Sypher to use--
+
+Sez she, "If it had been any other man but Deacon Sypher that had done
+this, I should been mad as a hen. But the Deacon is, as you well know,
+Josiah Allen's Wife, a wonderful man."
+
+"Yes," sez I, "Drusilla, I know it, and have known it for some time."
+
+She looked real contented, and then I sez--
+
+"Josiah Allen had got his mind all made up to tent out durin' the Fair.
+But I broke it up," sez I--"I broke it up in time!"
+
+At this very minit Josiah and Deacon Sypher come back to us, the Deacon
+a-limpin', and a-lookin' ten years older than when we last seen him in
+Jonesville. And my pardner pert, and upright, and fat, under my
+management.
+
+Wall, we four stayed together the rest of the day, a-lookin' at one
+thing and another.
+
+And when we got home that night, lo and behold! Isabelle had come jest
+before we did.
+
+And supper wuz all ready--or dinner, as they all called it; but I don't
+know as it makes much difference when you are hungry. The vittles taste
+jest about the same--awful good, anyway.
+
+We wuz pretty late, so there wuzn't anybody to the table but jest
+Isabelle and Josiah and me.
+
+And we three had a dretful good visit with each other. She is jest as
+sweet as a rosey in June.
+
+I make no matches, nor break none. But I couldn't help tellin' Josiah
+Allen in confidence from time to time that it did seem to me that
+Isabelle and Mr. Freeman wuz cut out for each other.
+
+Every time I see Isabelle--and Krit and Thomas J. had often made some
+app'intment where our family party could all meet--and every time I see
+her, I liked her better and better.
+
+And Maggie, who of course had seen more of her than I had, bein' in the
+same house with her, she told me in confidence, and in the Mexican
+Exhibit, that "Isabelle was an angel."
+
+No, I make no matches, nor break none.
+
+But I happened to speak sort of axidently as it were to Mr. Freeman one
+day, and told him my niece wuz a-comin' to spend a week with me, jest as
+quick as Miss Planks step-sister's daughter's cousin got away. (Miss
+Plank, like the rest of Chicago freeholders, had relations back to the
+3d and 4th generation come onto 'em like flocks of ravenin'
+grasshoppers or locusses, durin' the Fair.)
+
+And I sez--though I am the one that hadn't ort to say it, mebby--"She is
+one of the sweetest girls on earth."
+
+Sez I, "I call her a girl, though I spoze I ort to call her a woman, for
+she is one in years. But because she hain't never been married," sez I
+presently, "hain't, no reason that she couldn't be, for she has had
+offers, and offers, and might be married any day now.
+
+"But," sez I, "she kep single from duty once, and now it seems to be
+from choice."
+
+He sort of smiled with his eyes. He wuz used to such talk, I spoze. Good
+land! the wimmen all made perfect fools of themselves about him.
+
+But he sez in his pleasant way, "I shall be very glad to meet your
+niece. I shall be sure to like her, if she is any like her aunt."
+
+Pretty admirin' talk, that wuz. But good land! Josiah sot right there,
+and he wuzn't jealous a mite. Mr. Freeman wuz young enough to be my boy,
+anyway. And then Josiah knew what I had in my mind.
+
+But I told my pardner that night, sez I--
+
+"I hain't mentioned Mr. Freeman's name to Isabelle, and hain't a-goin'
+to; for one reason, she wouldn't come nigh the house if she knew what I
+wuz a-thinkin' on, and for another reason, I am a-goin' to try to stop
+a-thinkin' on't. He took it so beautiful, and he has match-makers
+a-besettin' him so much, I dare presoom to say he mistrusted what I wuz
+up to in my own mind. And, like as not, Isabelle wouldn't look at him,
+or any other man, anyway.
+
+"But I wouldn't have thought on't in the first place," sez I, "if
+Isabelle hadn't been such a born angel, and seemed cut out a purpose for
+him by Providence. But I shall try to stop a-thinkin' on't."
+
+And sez Josiah, "You had better have done that in the first place."
+
+Wall, I wuz as good as my word. I didn't say another word _pro_ nor
+_con_. But I kep up a-thinkin' inside of me, bein' but mortal, and
+havin' two eyes in my head.
+
+Wall, as I say, finally Gertrude Plank had left her room vacant, and our
+niece had come to us with a cheerful face and one small trunk full of
+neccessaries for her week's visit.
+
+I call her our niece, though she wuzn't quite that relationship to us.
+But it is quite hard sometimes to git the relationship headed right, and
+marshal 'em out into company before you--specially when they are fifth
+or sixth cousins.
+
+And I thought, bein' our ages wuz such, and our affections wuz so
+strong, back and forth, that it would be jest as well to jest use that
+plain term aunt and uncle and niece--it looked better, anyway, as our
+ages stood. And I didn't think it wuz anything wrong, for good land! we
+are called uncle and aunt, my Josiah and me are, by lots of folks that
+hain't no sort of kin to us, and Isabelle wuz related to us anyway by
+kin and by soul ties.
+
+Wall, to resoom: the evenin' after Isabelle got there it wuz burnin'
+warm in my room. And her room wuz still worse, way up on top of the
+house; but it wuz the best room that we could git for her, and she wuz
+contented with it for the sake of bein' with her Uncle Josiah and me.
+
+After we got up from the supper-table--Mr. Freeman wuz away that day,
+but I felt free to take her into that big, cool room, and so we went
+into that beautiful place.
+
+And then, all of a sudden, as Isabelle stood there in front of that
+pretty girl down by the medder brook amongst the deep grasses--
+
+All of a sudden it come to me who the girl looked like: it wuz Isabelle.
+
+As she stood in front of it, in her long white dress, with her white
+hands clasped loose in front of her, and her auburn hair pushed back
+careless from her beautiful face, I see the girl in the picture, or as
+she would be if she had grown refined and beautiful by sorrow and a
+sweet patience and reasonableness, which is the twin of Patience, both
+on 'em the children of Pain.
+
+As I stood there a-lookin' at her in admiration and surprise, I heard a
+sound behind me. It wuzn't a cry nor a sithe, but it wuz sunthin'
+different from both, more eager like, and deadly earnest, and
+dumbfoundered.
+
+And then it wuz Mr. Freeman's voice I knew that said--
+
+"My God! am I a-dreamin'?"
+
+And then Isabelle turned, and her face filled with a rapturous surprise
+and joy, and everything.
+
+And sez she--
+
+"Tom!"
+
+And he jest rushed forward, and in a secent had her in his arms. And I
+bust out a-cryin', and turned my back to 'em, and went out.
+
+But it wuzn't more than a few minutes before they rapped at my door, and
+their faces looked like the faces of two angels who have left the
+sorrows of earth and got into Heaven at last.
+
+And I cried agin, and Isabelle cried as I held her in my arms silently,
+and kissed her a dozen times, and I presoom more.
+
+And Mr. Freeman kissed me on my left cheek, and wrung my hand that hard
+that that right hand ached hard more'n a hour and a half. And I bathed
+it in arneky and water long enough after Isabelle had gone to her room,
+and Mr. Freeman to hisen.
+
+For till this mortal has put on immortality folks have to eat and sleep,
+and if their hands are wrung half off, either through happiness or
+anger, flesh, while it is corruptible, will ache, and bones will cry out
+if most crushed down.
+
+But arneky relieved the pain, and the light of the mornin' showed the
+faces of these reunited lovers, full of such a radiant bliss that it did
+one's soul good even to look at 'em.
+
+It seems that Isabelle had told him in that long-ago time when they
+parted that she wouldn't keep up a correspondence with him. She felt
+that she had ort to leave him free. And he wuz poor, and he would not
+fetter her with a memory she might perhaps better forgit. Poor things!
+lovin' and half broken-hearted, and both hampered with duties, and both
+good as gold.
+
+So they parted, she to take care of her feeble parents, and he to take
+care of his invalid mother and the two little ones.
+
+But lo and behold! after they had lived in that Western city for a few
+years, Tom a-workin' hard as he could to keep the wolf from the door,
+and from devourin' the three helpless ones, his brother returned from
+California as rich as a Jew, and he took his two little girls back with
+him and put 'em in school, and give Tom the money to start in business,
+and he wuz fortunate beyend any tellin'--got independent rich; then his
+ma wuz took sick and died, he a-waitin' on her devoted to the very last.
+
+Then, heart-hungry and lonesome, he broke through the vow he had made,
+and writ to Isabelle; but Isabelle had gone from the old place--she
+didn't git the letters.
+
+Then he writ agin, for his love wuz strong and his pride weak--weak as a
+cat. True Love will always have that effect on pride and resolve, etc.
+
+But no answer came back to his longin' and waitin' heart.
+
+And then, I spoze, Pride kinder riz up agin, and he said to himself that
+he wouldn't worry her and weary her with letters that she didn't think
+enough of to answer.
+
+And he had about made up his mind that all he should ever see of
+Isabelle would be the shadder of her beauty in the girl by the old
+medder bars, standin' in the fresh grasses, by the laughin' brook, all
+lookin' so like the dear old farm when he won her love so long ago.
+
+That dead, mute, irresponsive picture wuz more to him than any livin',
+breathin' woman could ever be.
+
+So he camped down before it, as you may say, for life--that is, he
+thought so; but Providence wuz a-watchin' over him, and his thoughtful,
+unselfish kindness to a stranger, or strangers, wuz to be rewarded with
+the prize of love and bliss.
+
+Wall, the World's Fair wuz, I spoze, looked on by many a pair of glad
+eyes. Hearts that throbbed high with happiness beat on through them
+majestic rooms. But happier hearts and gladder eyes never glowed and
+rejoiced in 'em than Isabelle's and her handsome lover's.
+
+And wuzn't Krit glad? Wuzn't he glad of soul to see Isabelle's
+happiness? Yes, indeed! And Maggie and Thomas Jefferson.
+
+Why, of course we wouldn't sing out loud in public, not for anything. We
+knew it wouldn't do to go along the streets or in the halls and
+corridors of the World's Fair, a-singin' as loud as we could--
+
+"Joy to the World!"
+
+Or, "What amazin' bliss is this!" or anything else of that kind--no, we
+wuz too well-bread to attempt it; but inside of us we jest sung for joy,
+the hull set and caboodle of us.
+
+All but Miss Plank, and a few old maids and widders, and such, who mebby
+had had hopes. Miss Plank looked and acted as flat and crushed down as
+one of her favorite cakes, or as if she wuz a-layin' under her own
+sirname.
+
+She said she hated to lose the profit of such a boarder, and mebby that
+wuz it--I don't say it wuzn't. But this I know, wimmen will keep up
+hopes, moles or no moles, and age has no power to keep out expectations.
+
+But I make no insinuations, nor will take none. She said that it wuz
+money she hated to lose, and mebby it wuz.
+
+But on that question I riz up her hopes agin, for Mr. Freeman wuz bound
+on bein' married imegatly and to once, and he said that they would
+remain right there for the remainder of the year at least.
+
+Isabelle hung off, and wanted to go back to Jonesville and be married to
+our house, as I warmly urged 'em to.
+
+But Mr. Freeman, lookin' decided and firm as anything you ever see, he
+sez to Isabelle--
+
+"Do you suppose I am ever goin' to lose sight of you agin? No indeed!"
+
+And I sez, "Wall, come right home with us to Jonesville, and keep your
+eyes on her."
+
+I wuz as happy as a king, and he knew it. And he thinks a sight of me,
+for it wuz through me, he sez, that their meetin' wuz brought about.
+
+He didn't say he wouldn't do that, so I wuz greatly in hopes that that
+would be the way it would turn out.
+
+I thought to myself, "Oh, how I would love to have 'em married in my
+parlor, right back of the hangin' lamp!"
+
+The semi-detatched widder said she got a letter about that time bringin'
+her bad news, trials, and tribulations, so it wuzn't to be wondered that
+she looked sad and worried. Mebby she did git such a letter.
+
+But anyway she and Miss Plank made up with each other. They become clost
+friends. Miss Plank told me, "She loved her like a sister."
+
+And the semi-detatched widder told me, "If she ever see a woman that she
+thought more on than she did her own mother, it wuz Miss Plank."
+
+Wall, I wuz glad enough to see 'em reconciled, for they had been at such
+sword's pints, as you may say, that it made it dretful disagreeable to
+the other boarders.
+
+Miss Piddock acted, and I believe wuz tickled, to see Mr. Freeman's
+happiness; for he didn't make any secret of it, and couldn't, if he
+wanted to. For radiant eyes and blissful smiles would have told the
+story of his joy, if his lips hadn't.
+
+Miss Piddock said that "if Mr. Piddock had been alive that he could say
+truly that he could sympathize with him in every respect, for that dear
+departed man had known, if anybody had, true connubial bliss."
+
+And then she brung up such piles of reminiscences of that man, that I
+felt as if I must sink under 'em.
+
+But I didn't; I managed to keep my head above 'em, and keep on
+a-breathin' as calm and stiddy as I could.
+
+Even Nony acted a trifle less bitter and austeer when he heard the news,
+and made the remark, "That he hoped that he would be happy." But there
+wuz a dark and shudderin' oncertainty and onbelief in his cold eyes as
+he said that "Hope" that wuz dretful deprestin' to me--not to Mr.
+Freeman; no, that blessed creeter wuz too happy to be affected by such
+glacial congratulations as Nony Piddock's.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+
+Of course, feelin' as I did about my Uncle Samuel, it wouldn't have done
+to not gone to the Government Buildin', where he makes his headquarters,
+so to say.
+
+Like the other palaces, this is so vast that it seemed as we stepped up
+to it some like wadin' out into Lake Michigan to examine her.
+
+We couldn't do it--we couldn't do justice to Michigan with one pair of
+feet and eyes--no, indeed.
+
+Wall, no more we couldn't do justice to these buildin's unless we laid
+out to live as long as Methusleah did, and hang round here for a hundred
+years or so.
+
+We had to go by a lot of officers all dressed up in uniforms. But we
+wuzn't afraid--we knew we hadn't done anything to make us afraid.
+
+Josiah wuz considerable interested in the enormous display of rifles,
+and all the machinery for makin' 'em, and showin' how and where the
+destructive instruments used in war are made.
+
+And then there wuz dummy cavalry horses, and men, and ponies, and
+cattle, showin' the early means for transportation of the mails,
+compared with the modern way of carryin' it on lightnin' coaches.
+
+But it wuz a treat indeed to me to see the original papers writ by our
+noble forefathers.
+
+To be sure, they wuz considerable faded out, so that I couldn't read 'em
+much of any; but it wuz a treat indeed to jest see the paper on which
+the hands of them good old creeters had rested while they shaped the
+Destinies of the New World.
+
+They held the pen, but the Almighty held the hands, and guided them over
+the paper.
+
+When I see with my own two eyes, and my Josiah's eyes, which makes four
+eyes of my own (for are we two not one? Yes, indeed, we are a good deal
+of the time)--
+
+Wall, when I see with these four eyes the very paper that Washington,
+the Immortal Founder of His Country, had rested his own hand on--when I
+see the very handwritin' of his right hand and the written thoughts of
+hisen, which made it seem some like lookin' into the inside of that
+revered and noble head, my feelin's riz up so that they wuz almost
+beyend my control, and I had to lean back hard on the pillow of
+megumness that I always carry with me to stiddy myself with.
+
+I had to lean hard, or I should have been perfectly wobblin' and broke
+up.
+
+And then to see Jefferson's writin', and Hamilton's, and Benjamin
+Franklin's--he who also discovered a New World, the mystic World that we
+draw on with such a stiddy and increasin' demand for supplies of light,
+and heat, and motion, and everything--
+
+When I see the very writin' of that hand that had drawed down the
+lightnin', and had hitched it to the car of commerce and progress--
+
+Oh, what feelin's I felt, and how many of 'em--it wuz a sight.
+
+And then I see the Proclamation of the President; and though I always
+made a practice of skippin' 'em when I see 'em in the newspaper, somehow
+they looked different to me here.
+
+[Illustration: I see the Proclamation of the President.]
+
+And then there wuz agreements with Foreign Powers, and some of them
+Powers' own handwritin' photographed; and lots of treaties made by Uncle
+Sam--some of 'em, especially them with the Injuns, I guess the least
+said about the soonest mended, but the biggest heft on 'em I guess he
+has kept--
+
+Treaties of peace and alliance, pardon of Louisiana and Florida, Alaska,
+etc., all in Uncle Sam's own handwritin'.
+
+And then there wuz the arms of the United States--and hain't it a sight
+how fur them arms reach out north and south, east and west--protectin'
+and fosterin' arms a good deal of the time they are, and then how strong
+they can hit when they feel like it!
+
+And then there wuz the big seal of the United States.
+
+I had read a description of it to Josiah that mornin', and had explained
+it all out to him--all about the Argant, and Jules, and the breast of
+the American Eagle displayed proper.
+
+I sez, "That means that it is proper for a bird to display its breast in
+public places; and," sez I, "though it don't speak right out, it
+probable means to gin a strong hint to fashionable wimmen.
+
+"And then," says I, "it holds in its dexter talons a olive branch. That
+means that it is so dextrous in wavin' that branch round and gittin'
+holt of what it wants.
+
+"And holdin' in its sinister talons a bunch of arrows." Sez I, "That
+means that in war it is so awful sinister, and lets them arrows fly
+onto its enemies where they are needed most."
+
+And then the Eagle holds in its beak a strip of paper with "E. Pluribus
+Unum" on it, which means "One formed out of many."
+
+And how many countries will wheel into the procession and become part of
+the great one as the centuries go on? I don't believe Uncle Sam has the
+least idee; I know I hain't, nor Josiah.
+
+For on the back part is a pyramiad unfinished; no knowin' how many
+bricks will yet be laid on top of that pyramiad, or how high it will
+shoot up into the heavens.
+
+And then there is a big eye surrounded with a Glory.
+
+The eye of the United States most likely, and I spozed mebby it meant
+big I and little You.
+
+I didn't know exactly what it did mean till I catched sight of the words
+above, meanin' "The eye of Providence is favorable to our undertakin's."
+
+And then I felt better, and hoped it wuz so.
+
+Down under the pyramiad is words meanin' "A New Order of Centuries."
+
+That riz me up still more, for I knew it wuz true. Yes; when Columbus
+pinted the prow of that caraval of hisen towards the New World, the
+water broke on each side of it, a-washin' back towards the Old World
+the decayin' creeds and orders of the Old World, and the ripples that
+danced ahead on't, clear acrost the Atlantic, wuz a-carryin' new laws,
+new governments; and hoverin' over the prow as it swept on in the
+darkness and the dawn, onseen to any eye, not even the prophetic eye of
+the discoverer, hovered the great angels Liberty, Equal Rights, and
+Human Brotherhood.
+
+For them angels could see further than we can; they could see clear
+ahead when the iron chains should fall from black wrists, and as mighty
+chains, though wrought with gold, mebby, should fall from the delicate
+white wrists of mother, and wife, and sister.
+
+It could see that this indeed wuz "A New Order of Centuries."
+
+And then we see--kep jest as careful as though it wuz pure gold and
+diamonds--the petition of the Colonies to the King of England. And I'll
+bet England has been sorry enuff to think it didn't hear to 'em, and act
+a little more lenient to 'em.
+
+And then there wuz the old Constitution of the United States, in the
+very handwritin' of its immortal framer.
+
+And then there wuz the Declaration of Independence.
+
+Good, likely old document as ever wuz made. I know I hain't felt
+towards it as I'd ort to time and agin, when I've hearn it read Fourth
+of Julys by a long-winded orator, in muggy and sultry dog-days in
+Jonesville.
+
+But though, as I ort to own up, I've turned my back onto it at sech
+times, I've allers respected it deeply, and it wuz indeed a treat to see
+it now--
+
+The very paper, writ in the darkness of oncertainty, and hopelessness,
+and despair of our forefathers, and which them four old fathers wuz
+willin' to seal with their blood.
+
+Oh, if that piece of yeller, faded old paper could jest speak out and
+tell what emotions wuz a-rackin' the hearts, and what wild dreams and
+despairs wuz a-hantin' the brains of the ones that bent over it in that
+dark day, 1776--
+
+Why, the World's Fair would be thrilled to its inmost depths; Chicago
+would tremble from its ground floor up to its 20th and 30th story, and
+Josiah and I would be perfectly browbeat and stunted.
+
+But it wuzn't to be; only the old yeller paper remained writ over with
+them immortal words. Their wild emotions, their dreams, their despairs,
+and their raptures have passed away, bloomin' out agin in the nation's
+glory and grandeur.
+
+And then we see amongst the treaties with foreign powers friendship
+tokens from semi-barbarous tribes and nations--
+
+Poor little gifts that didn't always buy friendship and justice, and I'd
+told Uncle Sam so right to his old face if I'd've met him there as I wuz
+a-lookin' at 'em. I'd a done it if he had turned me right out of the
+Government Buildin' the next minit.
+
+And then there wuz the first cannon ever brought to America, and the
+first church-bell ever rung in America, and picters of every place that
+Columbus ever had anything to do with, and a hull set of photographs of
+hisen. Good creeter! it is a shame and a disgrace that there is so many
+on 'em, and all lookin' so different--as different as Josiah and Queen
+Elizabeth.
+
+And then there wuz everything relatin' to conquest--conquest of Mexico
+and etc., and everything about the food and occupations of men--all
+sorts of food, savage and civilized, and all sorts of occupations, from
+makin' molasses to gatherin' tea.
+
+And there wuz the most perfect collection of coins and medals ever
+made--7500 coins and 2300 medals. There wuz some kinder stern-lookin'
+guards a-watchin' over these, but they had no need to be afraid; I
+wouldn't have meddled with one of 'em no more'n I'd've torn out the Book
+of Job out of the family Bible.
+
+[Illustration: Stern-lookin' guards a-watchin' over the coins.]
+
+There wuz everything under the sun that could be seen in South America,
+from a mule to a orchid.
+
+And in the centre of the buildin' wuz a section of the great Sequois
+tree from California. The tree is twenty-five feet in diameter, and has
+been hollowed out, and a stairway built up inside of it. Stairs inside
+of a tree! Good land!
+
+But what is the use, I have only waded out a few steps. The deep lake
+lays before us.
+
+I hain't gin much idee of all there is to see in that buildin', and I
+hain't in any on 'em.
+
+You have got to swim out for yourself, and then you may have some idee
+of the vastness on't. But you can't describe 'em, I don't
+believe--nobody can't.
+
+In front of that buildin' we see one of the two largest guns ever made
+in the world.
+
+It wuz made in Essen, Germany. It weighs two hundred and seventy
+thousand pounds, and is forty-seven feet long.
+
+It will hit anything sixteen miles off, and with perfect accuracy and
+effect at a distance of twelve miles.
+
+Good land! further than from Zoar to Shackville.
+
+It costs one thousand two hundred and fifty dollars to discharge it
+once. As Josiah looked at it, sez he--
+
+"Oh, how I do wish I had sech a gun! How I could rake off the crows with
+it in plantin' time! Why," sez he, "by shootin' it off once or twice I
+could clear the hull country of 'em from Jonesville to Loontown."
+
+"Yes," sez I; "and have you got a thousand dollars to pay for every
+batch of crows you kill, besides damages--heavy damages--for killin'
+human bein's, and horses, and cows, and sech?"
+
+And he gin in that it wouldn't be feasible to own one. And I sez, "I
+wouldn't have one on the premises if Mr. Krupp should give me one."
+
+So we wended onwards.
+
+Wall, about the most interestin' and surprisin' hours I enjoyed at
+Columbuses doin's wuz to the stately house set apart for that great
+wizard of the 19th century--Electricity.
+
+As wuz befittin', most the first thing that our eyes fell on wuz a big,
+noble statute of Benjamin Franklin. He stands with his kite in his hand,
+a-lookin' up with a rapt look as if waitin' for instructions from on
+high.
+
+He seemed to be guardin' the entrance to this temple, and he looked as
+if he wuz glad to be there, and I truly wuz glad to have him there.
+
+For he ort to be put side by side with Christopher Columbus. Both sailed
+out on the onknown, both discovered a new world.
+
+Columbuses world we have got the lay on now considerable, and we have
+mapped it out and counted the inhabitants.
+
+But who--who shall map out this vast realm that Benjamin F. discovered?
+
+We stand jest by the sea-shore. We have jest landed from our boats. The
+onbroken forest lays before us, and beyend is deep valleys, and high,
+sun-kissed mountains, and rushin' rivers.
+
+A few trees have been felled by Morse, Edison, Field and others, so that
+we can git glimpses into the forest depths, but not enough to even give
+us a glimpse of the mountains or the seas. The realm as a whole is
+onexplored; nobody knows or can dream of the grandeur and glory that
+awaits the advance guard that shall march in and take the country.
+
+This beautiful house built in its honor is 690 feet long and 345 feet
+wide.
+
+The main entrance, which is in the south side, has a magnificently
+decorated open vestibule covered by a half dome, capable of the most
+brilliant illumination.
+
+Indeed, you can judge whether this buildin' has advantages for bein' lit
+up, when I tell you that it has 20,000 incandescent and 3000 ark lights.
+
+I hearn a bystander a-tellin' this, and sez Josiah, "I can't imagine
+what a ark light is--Noah couldn't had a light so bright as that is.
+But," he sez, "mebby the light shines out as big as the ark did over the
+big water."
+
+And I spoze mebby that is it.
+
+Why, they say the big light on top of the buildin'--the biggest in the
+world--why, they do say that that throws such a big light way off--way
+off over Lake Michigan, that the very white fishes think it is mornin',
+and git up and go to doin' up their mornin's work.
+
+There wuz everything in the buildin' that has been hearn on up to the
+present time in connection with electricity--everything that we know
+about, that that Magician uses to show off his magic powers, from a
+search-light of 60,000 candle power down to a engine and dynamo
+combined, that can be packed in a box no bigger than a pea.
+
+Josiah looked at the immense display with a wise eye, and pretended to
+understand all about it, and he even went to explainin' it to me.
+
+But I sez, "You needn't tire yourself, Josiah Allen; I should know jest
+as much after you got through as I do now.
+
+"And," sez I, "you can explain to me jest as well how the hoe and the
+planter cause the seed to spring up in the loosened ground. You put the
+seed in the ground, Josiah Allen, and the hoe loosens the soil round it.
+You may assist the plant some, but there is a secret back of it all,
+Josiah Allen, that you can't explain to me.
+
+"No, nor Edison couldn't, nor Benjamin Franklin himself couldn't with
+his kite."
+
+Sez Josiah, "I could explain it all out to you if you would listen--all
+about my winter rye, and all about electricity."
+
+But agin I sez considerately, "Don't tire yourself, Josiah Allen; it is
+a pretty hot day, and you hain't over and above well to-day."
+
+He didn't like it at all; he wanted to talk about electric currents to
+me, and magnets, and dynamos, but I wouldn't listen to it. I felt that
+we wuz in the palace of the Great Enchanter, the King of Wonders of the
+19th century, and I knew that orr and silence wuz befittin' mantillys to
+wrop ourselves in as we entered his court, and stood in his imperial
+presence. And I told Josiah so.
+
+And he sez, "You won't catch me with a mantilly on."
+
+He is dretful fraid to wear wimmen's clothes. I can't git a apron or a
+sun-bunnet on him in churnin' time or berryin' in dog-days--he is sot.
+
+But I sez, "Josiah, I spoke in metafor."
+
+And he sez, "I would ruther you would use pantaloons and vests, if you
+are a-goin' to allegore about me."
+
+But to resoom. France, England, Germany, all have wonderful exhibits,
+and as for our own country, there wuz no end seemin'ly to the marvellous
+sight.
+
+Why, to give you a idee of the size and splendor of 'em, one electrical
+company alone spent 350,000 dollars on its exhibit.
+
+Among the German exhibits wuz a wonderful search-light--jest as
+searchin' as any light ever could be--it wuz sunthin' like the day of
+judgment in lightin' up and showin' forth.
+
+One of the strange things long to be remembered wuz to set down alone
+beside of a big horn in Chicago and hear a melodious orkestry in New
+York, hundreds and hundreds of miles away, a-discoursin' the sweetest
+melody.
+
+Wall, what took up Josiah's mind most of anything wuz a house all fitted
+up from basement to attic with electricity.
+
+You come home (say you come in the evenin' and bring company with you);
+you press a button at the door, the door opens; touch another button,
+and the hall will be all lighted up, and so with every other room in the
+house. Some of these lights will be rosettes of light let into the wall,
+and some on 'em lamps behind white, and rose-tinted, and amber
+porcelain.
+
+When you go upstairs to put on another coat, you touch a button, the
+electric elevator takes you to your room; and when you open the closet
+door, that lights the lamp in the closet; when you have found your coat
+and vest, shuttin' the door puts the light out.
+
+In the mean time, your visitors down below are entertained by a
+selection from operatic or sacred music or comic songs from a phonograph
+on the parlor table. Or if they want to hear Gladstone debate, or
+Chauncey Depew joke, or Ingersoll lecture, or no matter what their
+tastes are, they can be gratified. The phonograph don't care; it will
+bring to 'em anything they call for.
+
+Then, when they have got ready for dinner, a button is touched; the
+dinner comes down from the kitchen in the attic, where it wuz all cooked
+by electricity, baked, roasted, or biled, whatever it is.
+
+When the vittles are put on the table, they are kept warm by electric
+warmin' furnaces.
+
+They start up a rousin' fire in the open fireplace by pressin' a button,
+and if they git kinder warm, electric fans cool the air agin, though
+there hain't much chance of gittin' too warm, for electric thermostats
+regulate the atmosphere. But in the summer the fans come handy.
+
+When dinner is over the dishes mount upstairs agin, and are washed by a
+electric automatic dish washer, and dried by a electric dish drier.
+
+The ice for dinner is made by a miniature ammonia ice plant, which keeps
+the hull house cool in hot days and nights.
+
+On washin' days the woman of the house throws the dirty clothes and a
+piece of soap into a tub, and electricity heats the water, rubs and
+cleanses the clothes, shoves 'em along and rings 'em through an electric
+ringer, and dries 'em in a electric dryin' oven, and then irons 'em by
+an electric ironin' machine.
+
+If the female of the house wants to sew a little, she don't have to wear
+out her own vital powers a-runnin' that sewin' machine--no; electricity
+jest runs it for her smooth as a dollar.
+
+If she wants to sweep her floor, does she have to wear out her own
+elbows? No, indeed; electricity jest sweeps it for her clean as a pin.
+
+Oh, what a house! what a house!
+
+Josiah of course wuz rampant with idees of havin' our house run jest
+like it.
+
+He thought mebby he could run it by horse power or by wind.
+
+"But," I sez, "I guess the old mair has enough on her hands without
+washin' dishes and cookin'."
+
+He see it wuzn't feasible.
+
+"But," sez he, "I believe I could run it by wind. Don't you know what
+wind storms we have in Jonesville?"
+
+And I sez, "You won't catch me a-sewin' by it, a-blowin' me away one
+minute, and then stoppin' stun-still the next;" and sez I, "How could we
+be elevated by it? blow us half way upstairs, and then go down, and drop
+us. We shouldn't live through it a week, even if you could git the
+machinery a-runnin'."
+
+"Wall," sez he, with a wise, shrewd look, "as fur as the elevator is
+concerned, I believe I could fix that on a endless chain--keep it
+a-runnin' all the time, sunthin' like perpetual motion."
+
+"How could we git on it?" sez I coldly.
+
+"Catch on," sez he; "it would be worth everything to both on us to make
+us spry and limber-jinted."
+
+"Oh, shaw!" sez I; "your idees are luny--luny as can be; it has got to
+go by electricity."
+
+"Wall," sez he, "I never see any sharper lightnin' than we have to
+Jonesville. I believe I could git the machinery all rigged up, and catch
+lightnin' enough to run it. I mean to try, anyway."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "I guess that you won't want to be elevated by lightnin'
+more'n once; I guess that that would be pretty apt to end your
+experiments."
+
+"Oh, wall," sez he, "break it up! I never in my hull life tried to do
+sunthin' remarkable and noteworthy but what you put a drag on to me."
+
+Sez I, "I have saved your life, Josiah Allen, time and agin, to say
+nothin' of my own."
+
+He wuz mad, but I drawed his attention off onto a ocean cable, and asked
+him to explain it to me how the news went; and he wuz happy once
+more--happier than I wuz by fur. I wuz wretched, and had got myself into
+a job of weariness onspeakable and confusion, etc., and so forth.
+
+But to such immense sacrifices will a woman's love lead her.
+
+[Illustration: He wuz happy once more.]
+
+I could not brook his dallyin' with lightnin' at his age or to have it
+brung into our house in a raw state.
+
+Josiah wuz dretful impressed with a big post completely covered with
+red, white, and blue globes, and all other colors, and at the top it
+branched out into four posts, extendin' towards the corners of the
+ceilin'.
+
+A spark of electricity starts at the base of the post, and steadily
+works its way up. It lights the red, then the white, and then the blue,
+and etc., and then it goes on and lights the four branches until it gits
+to the end, and then it lights up a big ball.
+
+And then it goes back to the beginnin' agin, and so it goes on--flash!
+flash! flash! sparkle! sparkle! sparkle! in glowin' colors. It is a
+sight to see it.
+
+But what impressed me beyend anything wuz what seemed a mighty onseen
+hand a-risin' up out of Nowhere, and a-holdin' a pencil, and a-writin'
+on the wall in letters of flame. And then that same onseen hand will
+wipe out what has been writ, and write sunthin' else. Why, it all makes
+folks feel a good deal like Belschazarses, only more riz up like. He
+felt guilty as a dog, which must hendered his lofty emotions from
+playin' free; but folks that see this awsome and magestick spectacle
+don't have nothin' to drag down their soarin' emotions.
+
+Why, I'll bet that I had more emotions durin' that sight than Belschazar
+had when he see his writin' on the wall, only different. I guess that
+mine wuz more like Daniel's, though I can't tell, havin' never talked
+it over with Daniel. But to resoom.
+
+When we left the Electrical Buildin', it wuz so nigh at hand we jest
+stepped acrost into the Hall of Mines and Minin'. And it wuz dretful
+curious, wuzn't it?
+
+Here we two wuz on the surface of the Earth, and we had jest been
+a-studyin' in a entranced way the workin's of a mighty sperit, who wuz,
+in the first place, brung down from _above_ the Earth, and now, lo and
+behold! we wuz on our way to see what wuz below the Earth.
+
+Curious and coincidin', very.
+
+Wall, as I walked acrost them few steps I thought of a good many things.
+One thing I thought on wuz the path I wuz a-walkin' on.
+
+I d'no as I've mentioned it before, but them foot-paths at the World's
+Fair are as worthy of attention as anything as there is there.
+
+I'll bet Columbus would have been glad to had such paths to walk on when
+he wuz foot-sore, and tired out.
+
+They are made of a compound of granite and cement, and are as smooth as
+a board, and as durable as adamant.
+
+What a boon sech roads would be in the Spring and the Fall! How it would
+lessen profanity, and broken wagons, and broken-backed horses! Folks
+say that they will be used throughout the World. Jonesville waits for it
+with longin'.
+
+Its name is Medusaline. I wuz real glad it had such a pretty name--it
+deserves it.
+
+Josiah wuz dretful took with the name. He said that he wuz a-goin' to
+name his nephew's twins Maryline and Medusaline. But mebby he'll forgit
+it.
+
+Wall, the Hall of Mines and Minin' is a immense, gorgeous palace, jest
+as all the rest on 'em be, and, like 'em all, it has more'n enough
+orniments, and domes, and banners, and so forth to make it comfortable.
+
+As we advanced up the magestick portal the figgers of miners, with
+hammers and pans in their hands, seemed to welcome us, and tell us what
+they had to do with the big show inside; they seemed to be a-sayin' with
+their still lips, "If it hadn't been for us--for the great Army of
+Labor, this show would have been a pretty slim one." Yes; the great
+vanguard of Labor leads the van, and cuts down the trees, so's that Old
+Civilization and Progress can walk along, and swing their arms, and
+spread themselves, as they have a way of doin'.
+
+Wall, to anybody that loves to look on every side of a idee from top to
+bottom, and had had sech experiences on top of the Earth as I had, it
+wuz a great treat to see what wuz inside of the Old World.
+
+And wuzn't it a sight! Sech heaps of glitterin' golden and silver ore,
+sech slabs of shinin' marble, and sech precious stuns I never expect to
+see agin till I git where the gates are Pearl and the streets paved with
+Pure Gold.
+
+On the west side are the exhibits from Foreign mineral-producin'
+countries, beginnin' with the Central and South American States.
+
+These Mines, worked way back before history begins, that furnished the
+gold that Cortez loaded his returnin' galleons with, still keep right on
+a-yieldin' their rich treasures, provin' that there is no end to 'em, as
+you may say.
+
+On the opposite side of the avenue are the treasures of our own country.
+Each State and Territory has tried, seemin'ly, to make the richest and
+most dazzlin' exhibition.
+
+Here New England shows in a way that can't be disputed her solid granite
+and marble foundation--vast and beautiful and glossy exhibit.
+
+Then the immense coal exhibit of the great States of the Appalachian
+range, and the Ohio valley, shows forth its wealth in shinin' black
+masses.
+
+Pyramiads and arches of glitterin' iron and steel, statutes in brass,
+bronze, and copper, supported on pedestals of elaborate wrought metals.
+
+Then there are pillows and statutes and pyramiads of salt so blindin'ly
+brilliant that you almost have to shet your eyes when you look at 'em.
+
+The South shows up her mineral fertilizers, and paints, and her precious
+ores. The gold of North Carolina, the phosphates of Florida, and the
+iron ores of Alabama are here in plain sight.
+
+California, Montana, Colorado, Idaho, shows a gorgeous exhibit of gold
+and other precious ores.
+
+In the large porch in the centre of the buildin' is a high tower, made
+at the bottom of all sorts of minerals, and trimmed off handsome and
+appropriate; and the tower that shoots up from this foundation is made
+of all sorts of machines employed in minin'.
+
+From this centre aisles and avenues branch off in every direction.
+
+Great Britain and Germany and our own greatest mineral States are here
+facin' this centre.
+
+And you can walk down every avenue, and have your eyes most blinded by
+the splendor of the exhibit.
+
+You can see jest how they extract the gold from the ore from the minute
+it is dug out of the earth till it is wrought into the shinin' dollar
+or beautiful orniment.
+
+You can see how Electricity, the Wizard, plays his part here, as
+everywhere else, in drivin' drills, and workin' huge minin' pumps and
+hoistin' appliances.
+
+You can see how this Wizard gives the signals, fires the blast, and does
+everything he is told to do, and does it better than anybody else could,
+and easier.
+
+Then there are figgers in groups representin' the old laborious way of
+minin', old crushin' mortars and mills of ancient Mexico, propelled by
+mules, compared with the automatic tramways and hydraulic transmission
+of coal by a liquid medium, and all the other swift and modern ways.
+
+South Africa shows off her diamond fields. The machinery picks up the
+blue clay right before our eyes, the native Kaffirs pick out the
+precious pebbles and sort 'em out, and a diamond-cutter right here, with
+his chisel and wheel, cuts and polishes 'em till they are turned out a
+flashin' gem to adorn a queen.
+
+Then, if you git tired of roamin' round on the first floor, you can go
+up into the broad gallery and look down in the vast halls and avenues,
+full of dazzle and glitter.
+
+Dretful interestin' them wuz to look at--dretful.
+
+And up here are the offices of Geoligists, Minin' Engineers, and
+Scientists, and a big library under charge of a librarian.
+
+And here, too, is a laboratory where experiments are a-bein' conducted
+all the time.
+
+Wall, it wuz a sight--a sight what we see there.
+
+But the thing that impressed me the most in the hull buildin', and I
+thought on't all the time I wuz there, and thought on't goin' home, and
+waked up and thought on't--
+
+It wuz a statute of woman named Justice--a female big as life, made of
+solid silver from her head to her heels, and a-standin' on a gold
+world--
+
+Jest as they do in the streets of the New Jerusalem. Oh, my heart, think
+on't!
+
+Yes, it tickled me to a extraordinary degree, for sech a thing must mean
+sunthin'! The world borne on the outspread wings of an eagle is under
+her feet, and under that is a foundation of solid gold.
+
+First, the riches of the earth to the bottom; then the eagle Ambition,
+and wavin' wings of power and conquest, carryin' the hull round world,
+and then, above 'em all, Woman.
+
+Yes, Justice in the form of woman stood jest where she ort to
+stand--right on top of the world.
+
+Justice and Woman has too long been crumpled down, and trod on. But she
+has got on top now, and I believe will stay there for some time.
+
+She holds a septer in her right hand, and in her left a pair of scales.
+
+She holds her scales evenly balanced--that is jest as it ort to be; they
+have always tipped up on the side of man (which has been the side of
+Might).
+
+But now they are held even, and _Right_ will determine how the notches
+stand, not Might.
+
+I don't believe that the Nation would make a statute of woman out of
+solid silver, and stand it on top of the world, if it didn't lay out to
+give her sect a little mite of what she symbolizes.
+
+They hain't a-goin' to make a silver woman and call it Justice, if they
+lay out to keep their idee of wimmen in the future, as they have in the
+past, the holler pewter image stuffed full of all sorts of injustices,
+and meannesses, and downtroddenness.
+
+They hain't a-goin' to stand the figger of woman and Justice on top of
+the world, and then let woman herself grope along in the deepest and
+darkest swamps and morasses of injustice and oppression, taxed without
+representation, condemned and hung by laws they have no voice in makin'.
+
+Goin' on in the future as in the past--bringin' children into the world,
+dearer to 'em than their heart's blood, and then have their hearts torn
+out of 'em to see these children go to ruin before 'em through the
+foolishness and wickedness of laws they have no power to prevent--nay,
+if they are rich, to see their loved ones helped to their doom by their
+own wealth; taxed to extend and perpetuate these means of death and
+Hell, and they with their hands bound by the chains of Slavery and old
+Custom.
+
+But things are a-goin' to be different. I see it plain. And I looked on
+that figger with big emotions in my heart, and my umbrell in my hand.
+
+I knew the Nation wuzn't a-goin' to depicter woman with the hull earth
+at her feet, and then deny her the rights of the poorest dog that walks
+that globe. No; that would be makin' too light of her, and makin'
+perfect fools of themselves.
+
+They wouldn't of their own accord put a septer in her hand, if they laid
+out to keep her where she is now--under the rule of the lowest criminal
+landed on our shores, and beneath niggers, and Injuns, and a-settin' on
+the same bench in a even row with idiots, lunaticks, and criminals.
+
+No; I think better of 'em; they are a-goin' to carry out the idee of
+that silver image in the gold of practical justice, I believe.
+
+If I hadn't thought so, I would a-histed up my umbrell and hit that
+septer of hern, and knocked that globe out from under her feet.
+
+And them four mountaineers, a-guardin' her with rifles in their hands,
+might have led me off to prison for it if they had wanted too--I would a
+done it anyway.
+
+But, as I sez, I hope for better things, and what give me the most
+courage of anything about it wuz that Justice had got her bandages off.
+
+That is jest what I have wanted her to do for a long time. I had advised
+Justice jest as if she had been my own Mother-in-law. I had argued with
+her time and agin to take that bandage offen her eyes.
+
+And when I see that she had took my advice, and meditated on what
+happiness and freedom wuz ahead for my sect, and realized plain that it
+wuz probable all my doin's--why, the proud and happy emotions that
+swelled my breast most broke off four buttons offen my bask waist. And
+onbeknown to me I carried myself in that proud and stately way that
+Josiah asked me anxiously--
+
+"If I had got a crick in my back?"
+
+I told him, "No, I hadn't got any crick, but I had proud and lofty
+emotions on the inside of my soul that no man could give or take away."
+
+"Wall," sez he, "you walked considerable like our old peacock when she
+wants to show off."
+
+I pitied him for his short-sightedness, but unconsciously I did, I dare
+presoom to say, onbend a little in my proud gait.
+
+And we proceeded onwards.
+
+Wall, on our way home we heard a bystander a-speakin' about the
+beautiful vistas, and the other one replied, and said how wonderful and
+beautiful he considered 'em.
+
+And Josiah sez to me, "Where be them 'Vistas,' anyway? I've hearn more
+talk about 'em than a little--do they keep 'em in cases, or be they
+rolled up in rolls? I want to see 'em, anyway," and he turned and went
+to go into one of the big palaces. Sez he, "He seemed to be a-pintin'
+this way; we must have missed 'em the day we wuz here."
+
+But I took holt of his arm and drawed him back, and I pinted down the
+long, beautiful distance, the glorious view bounded by the snowy
+sculptured heights of palaces--long, green, flower-gemmed avenues of
+beauty--with the blue waters a-shinin' calm behind towerin' statutes of
+marvellous conception, and sez I--
+
+"Behold a vista!"
+
+[Illustration: "Behold a vista!"]
+
+He put on his specs and looked clost, and sez he--
+
+"I don't see nothin' out of the common."
+
+"No," sez I; "spiritual things are spiritually discerned. The wind
+bloweth where it listeth," sez I.
+
+"Oh, bring up the Bible," sez he; "there is a time for all things."
+
+He acted real pudgiky.
+
+But I at last got him to understand what a vista wuz, and I told him
+that Mr. Burnham and the others who had charge of buildin' this
+marvellous city took no end of pains to design these marvellous
+picters--more lovely than wuz ever painted on canvas sence the world
+begun.
+
+And sez I, as I looked round me once more, some as Moses did on Pisga's
+height, "and viewed the landscape o'er"--
+
+Sez I, "I _must_ thank the head one here--I _must_ thank
+Director-General Davis in my own name, and in the name of Jonesville,
+and the world, for gittin' up this incomparable spectacle, the like of
+which will never be seen agin by livin' eyes."
+
+And if you'll believe it, I hadn't hardly finished speakin' when who
+should come towards us but General Davis himself. I knew him in a
+minute, for his picter had been printed in papers as many as two or
+three times since the Fair begun--it wuz a real good-lookin' face,
+anyway, in a paper or out of it.
+
+And I gathered up the folds of my cotton umbrell more gracefully in my
+left hand, and kinder shook out the drapery of my alpaca skirt, and wuz
+jest advancin' to accost him, when Josiah laid holt of my arm and
+whispered in a sharp axent--
+
+"I won't have it. You hain't a-goin' to stop and visit with that man."
+
+I faced him with dignity and with some madness in my liniment, and sez
+I, "Why?"
+
+Sez he, "Do you ask why?"
+
+"Yes," sez I, with that same noble, riz-up look on my eyebrow--"why?"
+
+"Wall," sez he, a-lookin' kinder meachin', "I want sunthin' to eat, and
+you'd probable talk a hour with him by the way you've praised up his
+doin's here."
+
+By this time General Davis wuz fur away.
+
+And I sithed, when I thought on't, what he'd lost by not receivin' my
+eloquent and heartfelt thanks, and what I'd lost in not givin' 'em.
+
+I d'no as Josiah was jealous--mebby he wuzn't. But General Davis is
+considerable handsome, and Josiah can't bear to have me praise up any
+man, livin' or dead. Sometimes I have almost mistrusted that he didn't
+like to have me praise up St. Paul too much, or David, or Job--or he
+don't seem to care so much about Job. But, as I say, mebby it wuzn't
+jealousy--his appetite is good; mebby it was hunger.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX.
+
+
+Wall, this mornin', on our way to the grounds, I sez to Josiah--
+
+"There is one thing that I want you to do the first thing to-day, and
+that is for you to see that good creeter, Senator Palmer."
+
+Sez I, "I jest happened to read this mornin' how he's takin' up a
+subscription to help the Duke of Veragua, and we must see him and help
+the cause along." Sez I, "I can't bear to think of Columbuses folks
+a-sufferin' for things."
+
+Sez Josiah, "Let Columbuses folks nip in and work jest as I do, and
+they'll git along."
+
+"They hain't been brung up to it," sez I; "I don't spoze he ever
+ploughed a acre of land in his life, or sheared a sheep. And I don't
+spoze she knows what it is to pick a goose, or do a two weeks' washin'."
+
+I'm sorry for 'em as I can be. And to think that that villain of a
+Manager should have run away with that money while they wuz over here
+a-helpin' their forefathers birthday!
+
+Sez I, "It makes me feel like death."
+
+"It makes me feel," sez Josiah gloomily, "that no knowin' but the Old
+Harry will git into Ury while we are away."
+
+But I sez, "Don't worry, Josiah--Ury and Philura are pure gold."
+
+"Wall, dum it all, pure gold can be melted if the fire is hot enough."
+
+But I went back to the old subject--"We must give sunthin' to the cause;
+it will be expected of us, and it is right that we should."
+
+"But," sez Josiah, with a gloomy and fierce look, "if I can git out of
+Chicago with a hull shirt on my back it's all I expect to do. I hain't
+no money to spend on Dukes, and you'll say so when we come to pay our
+bills."
+
+Sez I, "You needn't send any money, Josiah Allen; but," sez I, "we might
+send 'em a tub of butter and a kag of cowcumber pickles jest as well as
+not, and a ham, to help 'em along through the winter, and I'd gladly
+send him and her yarn enough for a good pair of socks and stockin's. She
+might knit 'em," sez I, "or I would. I'll send him a pair of fringe
+mittens anyway," sez I; "it hain't noways likely that she knows how to
+make them. They take intellect and practice to knit."
+
+And sez I, "I want you to be sure and see Senator Palmer without fail,
+and tell him to be sure and let us know when he sends things, so's we
+can put in and add our two mites."
+
+Sez he, "The money has gone."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "I am a disap'inted creeter. I wanted to do my part
+towards gittin' them good, noble folks enough to live on till Spring."
+
+Sez Josiah (and mebby it wuz to git my attention off from the subject,
+which he felt wuz perilous to his pocket--he is clost)--sez he, "There
+is one man here, Samantha, that I'd give a cent to see."
+
+Sez I, "Who is it that you are willin' to make such a extraordinary
+outlay for?"
+
+"The Rager," sez he.
+
+"The Rager," sez I dreamily; "who's that?"
+
+"Why, the Rager from India. I spoze," sez he, "that he is one of the
+raginest men that you ever see. He took his name from that, most likely,
+and to intimidate his subjects. Now, King or Emperor don't strike the
+same breathless terror; but Rager--why, jest the name is enough to make
+'em behave."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "if the Monarch of Ingy is here I must see him, and git
+him not to burn any more widders with their dead pardners." Sez I, "It's
+a clear waste of widders, besides bein' wicked as wicked can be. Widders
+is handy," sez I, "now to keep boardin'-housen, or to go round as
+agents. Old maids hain't nothin' by the side of 'em, and they look so
+sort o' respectable behind their black veils, and then they are needed
+so for the widdower supply--and that market is always full." Sez I, "I
+don't want 'em wasted, and I want the wickedness to be stopped.
+
+"And then to insist on marryin' so many wimmen. I'd love to labor with
+him, and convince him that one's enough."
+
+"It seems to me," sez Josiah, "that I could make him _know_ that one's
+enough. It _seems_ as if _any married man might_. Heaven knows, it
+_seems_ so!" sez he.
+
+I didn't like his axent. There seemed to be some iron in it, but I
+wouldn't dane to parley.
+
+"And then," sez I, "their makin' their wimmen wear veils all the time.
+What a foolish habit! What's the use on't? Smotherin' 'em half to death,
+and wearin' out their veils for nothin'.
+
+"And then I'd make him educate 'em--gin 'em a chance," sez I; "but
+whether he gives it or not the bell of Freedom is a-echoin' clear from
+Wyomin' to Ingy, and it sounds clear under them veils. They will be
+throwed off whether he is willin' or not, and I'd love to tell him so."
+
+Sez Josiah, "I guess it will be as the Rager sez."
+
+"No," sez I solemnly; "it will be as the Lord sez, and He is callin' to
+wimmen all over the earth, and they are answerin' the call."
+
+But we hearn afterwards that Josiah had got it wrong--it wuz
+Ragah--R-a-g-a-h--instead of Rager--and he wuz one of the most
+sensiblest fellers that ever stepped on our shores in royal shoes. He
+paid his own bills, wuz modest, and intelligent, wanted to git
+information instead of idolatry from the American people. He didn't want
+no ball, no bowin' and backin' off--no escort. No chance at all here for
+the Ward McAllisters to show off, and act.
+
+He acted like a good sensible American man, some as our son Thomas
+Jefferson would act if he should go over to his neighborhood on
+business.
+
+He wanted to see for himself the life of the Americans, the way the
+common people lived--he wanted to git information to help his own
+people.
+
+And he wanted to see Edison the most of all. That in itself would make
+him congenial to me. I myself think of Edison side by side with
+Christopher Columbus, and I guess the high chair he sets on up in my
+mind, with his lap full of his marvellous discoveries, is a little
+higher than Columbuses high chair.
+
+Oh, how congenial the Ragah of Kahurthalia would be! How I wish we could
+have visited together! But it wuzn't to be, for Josiah said that he'd
+gone the night before, so we wended on.
+
+Wall, we hadn't more than got into the grounds this mornin' when Josiah
+hearn a bystander a-standin' near tell another one about the Ferris
+Wheel.
+
+"Why," sez he, "you jest git into one of them cars, and you are carried
+up so that it seems as if you can see the hull world at your feet."
+
+Josiah turned right round in his tracts, and sez he, "Where can I find
+that wheel?"
+
+And the man sez, "On the Midway Plaisance."
+
+And Josiah sez, "Where is that?"
+
+And the man pinted out the nearest way, and nothin' to do but what we
+must set out to find that wheel, and go up in one.
+
+I counselled caution and delay, but to no effect. That wheel had got to
+be found to once, and both on us took up in it.
+
+I dreaded the job.
+
+Wall, the Plaisance begins not fur back of the Woman's Buildin'. It is a
+strip of land about six hundred feet wide and a mild in length,
+connecting Washington Park with Jackson Park, where Columbus has his
+doin's, and it comes out at the Fair Ground right behind the Woman's
+Buildin'.
+
+Josiah jest wanted to rush along, clamorin' for the wheel, and not
+lookin' for nothin' on either side till he found it.
+
+But I wuz firm in this as a rock, that if I went at all I would go
+megum actin' and quiet, and look at everything we come to.
+
+And wuzn't there enough to look at jest in the street? Folks of all
+nations under the earth. They seemed like the leaves of a forest, or the
+sands of the sea, if them sands and leaves wuz turned into men, wimmen,
+and children--high hats, bunnets, umbrells, fans, canes, parasols,
+turbans, long robes, and short ones, gay ones, bright ones, feathers,
+sedan chairs, bijous, rollin' chairs, Shacks--or that is how Josiah
+pronounced it. I told him that they wuz spelt S-h-e-i-k-s.
+
+But he sez that you could tell that they wuz Shacks by the looks on 'em.
+
+Truly it wuz a sight--a sight what we see in that street. Why, it wuz
+like payin' out some thousand dollars, and with two trunks, and
+onmeasured fatigue, spend years and years travellin' over the world.
+
+Why, we seemed to be a-journeyin' through foreign countries, a-carryin'
+the thought with us that we took our breakfast in our own hum, and that
+we should sleep there that night, but for all that we wuz in Turkey, and
+Japan, and Dahomey, and Lapland, etc., etc., etc.
+
+Wall, the first thing we come to as we begun on the right side--and
+anybody with my solid principles wouldn't begin on any other side but
+the sheep's side--we wouldn't begin on the goats--no, indeed!
+
+The first thing we come to wuz the Match Company. Here you could see
+everything about makin' matches, and when you consider how hard it would
+be to go back to the old way of strikin' light with a flint, and
+traipsin' off to the neighbors to borrow a few coals on a January
+mornin', you will know how interestin' that exhibit wuz.
+
+And then come the International Dress and Costume Company--all the
+different countries of the globe show their home life and costumes.
+
+And I sez to Josiah, "If this Fair had been put off ten years, or even
+five, I believe the American wimmen would show a costume less adapted to
+squeezin' the life out of 'em, and scrapin' up all the filth and disease
+in the streets, and rakin' it hum."
+
+And Josiah sez, "Oh, do come along! we shan't git to that wheel to-day
+if you dally so, and begin to talk about wimmen and their doin's."
+
+Then come the Workin' Man's Home in Philadelphia. Then the Libby Glass
+Works, and when Josiah discovered it wuz free, he willin'ly accedded to
+my request to walk in and look round. He told me from the first on't
+that he wuzn't goin' to pay out a cent of money there. Sez he, "We can
+see enough--Heaven knows we can--without payin' for any sights."
+
+Wall, here we see all kinds of American glass manufactured, from goblets
+and butter-dishes up to glass draperies, dresses, laces, neckties, and
+all sorts of orniments.
+
+Josiah sez, "Samantha, oh, how I would like a glass necktie--it would be
+so uneek; how I could show off to Deacon Gowdy!"
+
+"Wall," sez I, "we can try to buy one, and at the same time I will order
+a glass polenay."
+
+"Oh, no," sez he, "it would be too resky; glass is so brittle it would
+make you restive."
+
+And he tried to hurry me along, but I would look round a little; and we
+see there right before our face and eyes a man take a long tube and dip
+it into melted glass, and blow out cups and flower-vases, and trim 'em
+all off with flowers of glass of all colors, and sech cut glass as we
+see there I never see before; why, one little piece takes a man a month
+to cut it out into its diamond glitter.
+
+And I would stop to see that glass dress all finished off for the
+Princess Eulaly. There it wuz in plain sight in Mr. Libby's factory
+draped on a wax figger of Eulaly. Mr. Libby made it and presented it to
+the Princess.
+
+It took ten million feet of glass thread; it wuz wove into twelve
+yards of cloth, and sent to a dressmaker in New York, who fitted it to
+the Princess on her last days in the city. It is low neck and short
+sleeves, and has a row of glass fringe round the bottom, and soft glass
+ruching round the neck and sleeves. It looks some like pure white satin,
+and some different. It is as beautiful as any dress ever could be, and
+Eulaly will look real sweet in it. She'll be sorry to not have me see
+her in it, I hain't a doubt.
+
+[Illustration: It took ten million feet of glass thread, and Eulaly
+will look real sweet in it.]
+
+And oh, how I did wish, as I looked at it, that her ancestor could have
+seen it, and meditated how pert and forwards the land wuz that he'd
+discovered!
+
+Glass dresses--the idee!
+
+But Josiah looked kinder oneasy all the time that I wuz a-lookin' at it;
+he wuz afraid of what thoughts I might be entertainin' in my mind
+onbeknown to him, and he hurried me onwards.
+
+But the very next place we come to be wuz still more anxious to proceed
+rapidly, for this wuz the Irish Village, where native wimmen make the
+famous Irish laces.
+
+It wuz a perfect Irish village, lackin' the dirt, and broken winders,
+and the neighborly pigs, and etc.
+
+At one end of it is the exact reproduction of the ancient castle
+Donegal, famed in song and story. In the rooms of this castle the lace
+wuz exhibited--beautiful laces as I ever see, or want to see, and piles
+and piles of it, and of every beautiful pattern.
+
+I did hanker for some of it to trim a night-cap. As I told Josiah, "I
+wouldn't give a cent for any of the white lace dresses, not if I had to
+wear 'em, or white lace cloaks." Sez I, "I'd feel like a fool a-goin' to
+meetin' or to the store to carry off butter with a white lace dress on,
+or a white lace mantilly, but I would love dearly to own some of that
+narrer lace for a night-cap border."
+
+But his anxiety wuz extreme to go on that very instant.
+
+He wanted to see the Blarney stun on top of the tower of the castle. It
+is a stun about as big as Josiah's hat, let down below the floor, so's
+you have to stoop way down to even see it, let alone kissin' it.
+
+Josiah wuz very anxious to kiss it, but I frowned on the needless
+expense.
+
+Sez I, "Men don't _need_ to kiss it; Blarney is born in 'em, as you may
+say, and is nateral nater to 'em."
+
+Sez he, "But it is so stylish to embrace it, Samantha, and it only costs
+ten cents."
+
+[Illustration: "But it is so stylish, Samantha, and it only costs
+ten cents."]
+
+"But," I sez firmly, "you hain't a-goin' to kiss no chunk of Chicago
+stun, Josiah Allen, or pay out your money for demeanin' yourself."
+
+Sez I, "The original Blarney stun is right there in its place in the
+tower of Blarney Castle in Ireland. It hain't been touched, and couldn't
+be."
+
+"I don't believe that Lady Aberdeen would allow no sech works to go on,"
+sez he.
+
+Sez I, "Lady Aberdeen can't help herself. How can a minister keep the
+hull of his congregation from lyin'?"
+
+Sez I, "She is one of the nicest wimmen in the world--one of the few
+noble ones that reach down from high places, and lift up the lowly, and
+help the world. I don't spoze she knows about the Blarney stun. And
+don't you go to tellin' her," sez I severely, "and hurt her feelin's."
+
+Sez he, in a morbid tone, "We hain't been in the habit of visitin' back
+and forth, and probable if we wuz, you'd tell her before I could if you
+got a chance. Wimmen have sech long tongues."
+
+He wuz mad, as I could see, about my breakin' up his fashionable
+performance with that Chicago rock, but I didn't care.
+
+I merely sez, "If you want to do anything to remember the place, you can
+buy me a yard and a half of linen lace to trim that night-cap, or a
+under-clothe, Josiah." But he acted agitated here, and sez he, "I
+presoom that it is cotton lace."
+
+Sez I, "I wish you'd be megum, Josiah Allen. This lace is perfectly
+beautiful, and it is jest what they say it is.
+
+"And what a noble thing it wuz," sez I, "for Lady Aberdeen to do to gin
+these poor Irish lace-makers a start that mebby will lift 'em right up
+into prosperity; and spozen," sez I, "that you buy me a yard or two?"
+
+But he fairly tore me away from the spot. He acted fearful agitated.
+
+But alas! for him, he found the next place we entered also exceedin'ly
+full of dangers to his pocket-book, for this wuz a Japanese Bazaar,
+where every kind of queer, beautiful manufactures can be bought--
+
+[Illustration: He found the next place we entered full of dangers to
+his pocket-book.]
+
+Rugs, bronzes, lacquer work, bamboo work, fans, screens, more tea-cups
+than you ever see before, and little silk napkins of all colors, where
+you can have your name wove right in it before your eyes, and etcetry,
+etcetry. Here also the peculiar fire department of the Japanese is kept.
+
+The next large place is occupied by the Javanese; this concession and
+the one right acrost the road south of it is called the "Dutch
+Settlement," because the villages wuz got up by a lot of Dutch
+merchants.
+
+But the people are from the Figi, Philippine, and Solomon Islands,
+Samoa, Java, Borneo, New Zealand, and the Polnesian Archipelagoes.
+
+Jest think on't! there Josiah Allen and I wuz a-travellin' way off to
+places too fur to be reached only by our strainin' fancy--places that we
+never expected or drempt that we could see with our mortal eyes only in
+a gography.
+
+Here I wuz a-walkin' right through their country villages with my
+faithful pardner by my side, and my old cotton umbrell in my hand,
+a-seemin' to anchor me to the present while I floated off into strange
+realms.
+
+All these different countries show their native industries.
+
+We went into the Japanese Village, under a high arch, all fixed off with
+towers, and wreaths, and swords--dretful ornimental.
+
+There wuz more than a hundred natives here. Their housen are back in the
+inclosure, and their work-shops in front, and in these shops and
+porticos are carried on right before your eyes every trade known in
+Japan, and jest as they do it at home--carvers, carpenters, spinners,
+weavers, dyers, musicians, etc., etc. The colorin' they do is a sight to
+see, and takes almost a lifetime to learn.
+
+The housen of this village are mostly made of bamboo--not a nail used in
+the place. Why, sometimes one hull side of their housen would be made
+of a mat of braided bamboo. Bamboo is used by them for food, shelter,
+war implements, medicine, musical instruments, and everything else.
+Their housen wuz made in Japan, and brung over here and set up by native
+workmen. They have thatched ruffs and kinder open-work sides, dretful
+curious-lookin', and on the wide porticos of these housen little native
+wimmen set and embroider, and wind skeins of gay-colored cotton, and
+play with their little brown black-eyed babies.
+
+The costumes of the Japanese look dretful curious to us; their loose
+gay-colored robes and turbans, and sandals, etc., look jest as strange
+as Josiah's pantaloons and hat, and my bask waist duz to them, I spoze.
+
+They're a pleasant little brown people, always polite--that is learnt
+'em as regular as any other lesson. Then there is another thing that our
+civilized race could learn of the heathen ones.
+
+Missionaries that we send out to teach the heathen let their own
+children sass 'em and run over 'em. That is the reason that they act so
+sassy when they're growed up. Politeness ort to be learnt young, even if
+it has to be stomped in with spanks.
+
+The Japanese are a child-like people easily pleased, easily
+grieved--laughin' and cryin' jest like children.
+
+They work all day, not fast enough to hurt 'em, and at nightfall they go
+out and play all sorts of native games.
+
+That's a good idee. I wish that Jonesvillians would foller it. You'd
+much better be shootin' arrers from blowpipes than to blow round and jaw
+your household. And you'd much better be runnin' a foot race than
+runnin' your neighbors.
+
+They've got a theatre where they perform their native dances and plays,
+and one man sets behind a curtain and duz all the conversation for all
+the actors. I spoze he changes his voice some for the different folks.
+
+Wall, I led Josiah off towards the church, where all the articles of
+furniture is a big bamboo chair, where the priest sets and meditates
+when he thinks his people needs his thought.
+
+I d'no but it helps 'em some, if he thinks hard enough--thoughts are
+dretful curious things, anyway.
+
+Josiah and I took considerable comfort a-wanderin' round and seein' all
+we could, and noticin' how kind o' turned round things wuz from
+Jonesville idees.
+
+Now, they had some queer-lookin' little store-housen, and for all the
+world they opened at the top instead of the sides, to keep the snakes
+out of the rice in their native land, so they said.
+
+Josiah wuz jest crazy to have one made like it.
+
+"Why," sez he, "think of the safety on't, Samantha! Who'd ever think of
+goin' into a corn house on top if they wanted to steal some corn?"
+
+But I sez, "Foreign customs have got to be adopted with megumness,
+Josiah Allen." Sez I, "With your rumatiz, how would you climb up on't a
+dozen times a day?"
+
+He hadn't thought of that, and he gin up the idee.
+
+Then the ideal figger of the Japanese wimmen is narrer shoulders and big
+waist.
+
+And though I hailed the big waist joyfully, I drawed the line at the
+narrer shoulders.
+
+They have long poles about their housen, with holes bored in 'em,
+through which the wind blows with a mournful sort of a voice, and they
+think that that noise skairs away evil sperits.
+
+When they come here each of their little verandas had a cage with a
+sacred bird in it to coax the good sperits; they all died off, and now
+they've got some pigens for 'em, and made 'em think that they wuz sacred
+birds.
+
+And Josiah, as he see 'em, instinctively sez, "Dum 'em, I'd ruther have
+the evil sperits themselves round than them pigens, any time."
+
+He hates 'em, and I spoze they do pull up seeds considerable.
+
+Them Japanese wimmen are dretful cheerful-lookin', and Josiah and I
+talked about it considerable.
+
+Sez Josiah, "It's queer when, accordin' to their belief, a man's horse
+can go to Heaven, but their wives can't; but the minute they leave this
+world another celestial wife meets him, and he and his earth wife parts
+forever. It is queer," sez he, "how under them circumstances that the
+wimmen can look so happy."
+
+And I sez, "It can't be that they hail anhialation as a welcome rest
+from married life, can it?"
+
+Josiah acted mad, and sez he, "I'd be a fool if I wuz in your place!"
+
+And bein' kinder mad, he snapped out, "Them wimmen don't look as if they
+knew much more than monkeys; compared to American wimmen, it's a sight."
+
+But I sez, "You can't always tell by looks, Josiah Allen." Sez I, "As
+small as they be, they've showed some of the greatest qualities since
+they've been here--Constancy, Fidelity, Love."
+
+Now one of them females lost a baby while she wuz here. Did she act as
+some of our fashionable American wimmen do? No. They own twenty Saritoga
+trunks, and wear their entire contents, but they do, as is well known,
+commit crime to evade the cares of motherhood.
+
+But this little woman right here in Chicago, she jest laid down
+broken-hearted and died because her baby died. Her true heart broke.
+
+Little and humbly, no doubt, and not many clothes on, but from a upper
+view I wonder if her soul don't look better than the civilized,
+fashionably dressed murderess?
+
+There wuz theatres here with dancin' girls goin' as fur ahead, they
+said, of Louie Fuller and Carmenciti as them two go ahead of Josiah and
+Deacon Sypher as skirt-dancers.
+
+I guess that Josiah Allen would have gone in, regardless of price, to
+see this sight, so onbecomin' to a deacon and a grandfather, but I broke
+it up at the first hint he gin. Sez I, "What would your pasture say to
+your ondertakin' such a enterprise? What would be the opinion of
+Jonesville?"
+
+"Dum it all," sez he; "David danced before the Ark."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "I hain't seen no ark, and I hain't seen no David." Sez I
+reasonably, "I wouldn't object to your seein' David dance if he wuz
+here and I wouldn't object to your seein' the Ark."
+
+"Oh, wall, have your own way," sez he, and we wandered into the German
+Village.
+
+[Illustration: "Oh, wall, have your own way," sez he, and we
+wandered into the German Village.]
+
+The German Village represents housen in the upper Bavarian Mountains.
+
+There are thirty-six different buildin's. Inside the village is a
+Country Fair, the German Concert Garden, a Water Tower, and two
+Restaurants, Tyrolese dancers, Beer Hall, etc.
+
+In the centre is a 16th century castle, with moat round it, and
+palisades.
+
+Josiah wuz all took up with this, and said "how he would love to have a
+moat round our house." Sez he, "Jest let some folks that I know try to
+git in, wouldn't I jest hist up the drawbridge and drop 'em outside?"
+
+And I sez, "Heaven knows, Josiah, that sech a thing would be convenient
+ofttimes, but," sez I, "anxieties and annoyances have a way of swimmin'
+moats, you can't keep 'em out."
+
+But he said "that he believed that he and Ury could dig a moat, and rig
+up a drawbridge." And to git his mind off on't I hurried him on.
+
+Inside the castle is a dretful war-like-lookin' group of iron men, all
+dressed up in full uniform, and there wuz all kinds of weepons and armor
+of Germany.
+
+The Town Hall of this village is a museum.
+
+In the village market-place is sold all kinds of German goods. Two bands
+of music pipe up, and everybody is a-talkin' German. It made it
+considerable lively to look at, but not so edifyin' to us as if we knew
+a word they said.
+
+And then come the Street of Cairo, a exact representation of one of the
+most picturesque streets in old Cairo, with queer-lookin' kinder square
+housen, and some of the winders stood open, through which we got lovely
+views of a inner court, with green shrubs, and flowers, and fountains.
+
+On both sides of this street are dance halls, mosques, and shops filled
+with manufactures from Arabia and the Soudan. In the Museum are many
+curious curiosities from Cairo and Alexandria.
+
+And the street is filled with dogs, and donkeys, and children and
+fortune-tellers, and dromedaries, and sedan chairs, with their bearers,
+and camels, and birds, and wimmen with long veils on coverin' most of
+their faces, jest their eyes a-peerin' out as if they would love to git
+acquainted with the strange Eastern world, where wimmen walk with faces
+uncovered, and swung out into effort and achievement.
+
+I guess they wuz real good-lookin'. I know that the men with their
+turbans and long robes looked quite well, though odd. In the shops wuz
+the most beautiful jewelry and precious stuns, and queer-lookin' but
+magnificent silk goods, and cotton, and lamps, and leather goods, and
+weepons, etc., etc., etc.
+
+Wall, right there, as we wuz a-wanderin' through that street, from the
+handsomest of the residences streamed forth a bridal procession. The
+bride wuz dressed in gorgeous array of the beautiful fabrics of the
+East.
+
+And the bridegroom, with a train of haughty-lookin' Arabs follerin' him,
+all swept down the streets towards the Mosque, with music a-soundin'
+out, and flowers a-bein' throwed at 'em, and boys a-yellin', and dogs
+a-barkin', etc., etc.
+
+I drew my pardner out of the way, for he stood open-mouthed with
+admiration a-starin' at the bride, and almost rooted to the spot.
+
+[Illustration: A-starin' at the bride.]
+
+But I drawed him back, and sez I, "If you've got to be killed here,
+Josiah Allen, I don't want you killed by a Arab."
+
+And he sez, "I d'no but I'd jest as lieves be killed by a Arab as a
+Turkey.
+
+"But," sez he, "you tend to yourself, and I'll tend to myself. I wuz
+jest a-studyin' human nater, Samantha."
+
+And that wuz all the thanks I got for rescuin' him.
+
+It wuz jest as interestin' to walk through that village as it would be
+to go to Egypt, and more so--for we felt considerable safer right under
+Uncle Sam's right arm, as it wuz--for here we wuz way off in Africa,
+amongst their minarets and shops, and tents, men, wimmen, and children
+in their strange garbs, dancin', playin' music, cookin' and servin'
+their food, jest as though they wuz to hum, and we wuz neighborin' with
+'em, jest as nateral as we neighbor to hum with Sister Henzy or she that
+wuz Submit Tewksbury.
+
+Then there wuz some native Arabs with 'em who wuz a-eatin' scorpions,
+and a-luggin' round snakes, and a-cuttin' and piercin' themselves with
+wicked-lookin' weepons, and eatin' glass; I wuz glad enough to git out
+of there. I hate daggers, and abominate snakes, and always did.
+
+And then I knew what a case Josiah Allen is to imitate and foller
+new-fangled idees, and I didn't want my new glass butter dish and cream
+pitcher to fall a victim to his experiments.
+
+Wall, next come Algeria and Tunis, and then Tunicks showed jest how they
+lived and moved in their own Barbery's state.
+
+Their housen are beautiful, truly Oriental--white, with decorations of
+pale green, blue, and vermilion.
+
+One is a theatre that will hold 600 folks.
+
+Then comes the panorama of the big volcano Kilauana.
+
+They couldn't bring the volcano with 'em, as volcanoes can't be histed
+round and lifted up on camels, or packed with sawdust, specially when
+they're twenty-seven milds acrost.
+
+So they brung this great picter of it. I spoze it is a sight to see it.
+
+But Josiah felt that he couldn't afford to go in and see the sight, and
+he sez, "It is only a hole with some fire and ashes comin' out of the
+top of it."
+
+I sez ironically, "Some like our leech barrel, hain't it, with a few
+cinders on top?"
+
+"Why, yes; sunthin' like that," sez he. "It wouldn't pay to throw away
+money on ashes and fire that we can see any day to hum."
+
+I didn't argue with him, for I never took to volcanoes much--I never
+loved to git intimate with 'em. But it wuz a sight to behold, so Miss
+Plank said--she went in to see it. She said, "It took her breath away
+the sight on't, but she's got it back agin (the breath); she talked real
+diffuse about it. But to resoom. The Chinese Village wuz jest like
+goin' through China or bein' dropped down onbeknown to you into a China
+village.
+
+Two hundred Chinamen are here by a special dispensation of Uncle Sam.
+
+And next to China is the Captive Balloon. I had wondered a sight what
+that meant.
+
+Josiah thought that somebody had catched a young balloon, and wuz
+bringin' it up by hand, but I knew better than that. I knew that
+balloons didn't grow indigenious.
+
+And it wuz jest as I'd mistrusted--they had a big balloon here all tied
+up ready to start off at a minute's notice.
+
+You jest paid your money, and you could go on a trip up in it through
+the blue fields of air. I told Josiah "that it wouldn't be but a few
+years before folks would ride round in 'em jest as common as they do in
+wagons." Sez I, "Mebby we shall have a couple of our own stanchled up in
+our own barn."
+
+"You mean tied up," sez he, and I do spoze I did mean that.
+
+But now to look up at the great deep overhead, and consider the vastness
+of space, and consider the smallness of the ropes a-holdin' the balloon
+down, I said to myself, "Mebby it wuz jest as well not to tackle the job
+of ridin' out in it that day."
+
+Jest as I wuz a-meditatin' this Josiah spoke up, and sez, "I won't pay
+out no two dollars apiece to ride in it."
+
+And I sez, "I kinder want to go up in it, and I kinder don't want to."
+
+And he sez, "That is jest like wimmen--whifflin', onstabled,
+weak-livered."
+
+Sez I, "I believe you're afraid to go up in it."
+
+"Afraid!" sez he; "I wouldn't be afraid a mite if it broke loose and
+sailed off free into space."
+
+"Why don't you try it, then?" I urged. "Wall," he sez, a-lookin' round
+as if mebby he could find some excuse a-layin' round on the ground, or
+sailin' round in the air, "if I wuz," sez he--"if I had another vest on.
+I hain't dressed up exactly as I'd want to be to go a-balloon ridin'.
+
+"And then," sez he, a-brightenin' up, "I don't want to skair you. You'd
+most probable be skairt into a fit if it should break loose and start
+off independent into space. And it would take away all my enjoyment of
+such a pleasure excursion to see you a-layin' on the earth in a fit."
+
+Sez I, "It hain't vests or affection that holds you back, Josiah
+Allen--it's fear."
+
+"Fear!" sez he; "I don't know the meanin' of that word only from what
+I've read about it in the dictionary. Men don't know what it is to be
+afraid, and that is why," sez he, "that I've always been so anxious to
+have wimmen keep in her own spear, where men could watch over her,
+humble, domestic, grateful.
+
+"Nater plotted it so," sez he; "nater designs the male of creation to
+branch out, to venter, to labor, to dare, while the female stays to hum
+and tends to her children and the housework." Sez he, "In all the works
+of nater the females stay to hum, and the males soar out free.
+
+"It is a sweet and solemn truth," sez he, "and female wimmen ort to lay
+it to heart. In these latter days," sez he, "too many females are
+a-risin' up, and vainly a-tryin' to kick aginst this great law. But they
+can't knock it over," sez he--"the female foot hain't strong enough."
+
+He wuz a-goin' on in this remarkably eloquent way on his congenial
+theme, but I kinder drawed him in by remindin' him of Miss Sheldon's
+tent we see in the Transportation Buildin'--the one she used in her
+lonely journeyin' a-explorin' the Dark Continent. Sez I, "There is a
+woman that has kinder branched out."
+
+"Yes," sez he, "but men had to carry her." Sez he, "Samantha, the Lord
+designed it that females should stay to hum and tend to their babies,
+and wash the dishes. And when you go aginst that idee you are goin'
+aginst the everlastin' forces of nater. Nater has always had laws sot
+and immovable, and always will have 'em, and a passel of wimmen managers
+or lecturers hain't a-goin' to turn 'em round.
+
+"Nater made wimmen and sot 'em apart for domestic duties--some of which
+I have enumerated," sez he.
+
+"Whilst the males, from creation down, have been left free to skirmish
+round and git a livin' for themselves and the females secreted in the
+holy privacy of the hum life."
+
+Jest as he reached this climax we come in front of the Ostrich Farm,
+where thirty of the long-legged, humbly creeters are kept, and we hearn
+the keeper a-describin' the habits of the ostriches to some folks that
+stood round him.
+
+And Josiah, feelin' dretful good-natered and kinder patronizin' towards
+wimmen, and thinkin' that he wuz a-goin' to be strengthened in his talk
+by what the man wuz a-sayin', sez to me in a dretful, overbearin',
+patronizin' way, and some with the air as if he owned a few of the
+ostriches, and me, too, he kinder stood up straight and crooked his
+forefinger and bagoned to me.
+
+"Samantha," sez he, "draw near and hear these interestin' remarks. I
+always love," sez he, "to have females hear about the works of nater.
+It has a tendency," sez he, "to keep her in her place."
+
+Sez the man as we drew near, a-goin' on with his remarks--he wuz
+addressin' some big man--but we hearn him say, sez he--
+
+"The ostrich lays about a dozen and a half eggs in the layin'
+season--one every other day--and then she sets on the eggs about six
+hours out of the twenty-four, the male bird takin' her place for
+eighteen hours to her six.
+
+"The male bird, as you see, stays to hum and sets on the eggs three
+times as long as she duz, and takes the entire care of the young
+ostriches, while the female roams round free, as you may say."
+
+I turned round and sez to Josiah, "How interestin' the works of Nater
+are, Josiah Allen. How it puts woman in her proper spear, and men, too!"
+
+He looked real meachin' for most a minute, and then a look of madness
+and dark revenge come over his liniment. A tall, humbly male bird stood
+nigh him, as tall agin most as he wuz.
+
+And as I looked at Josiah he muttered, "I'll learn him--I'll learn the
+cussed fool to keep in his own spear."
+
+I laid holt of his vest, and sez I, "What, do you mean, Josiah Allen, by
+them dark threats? Tell me instantly," sez I, for I feared the worst.
+
+"Seein' this dum fool is so willin' to take work on him that don't
+belong for males to do, I'll give him a job at it. I'll see if I can't
+ride some of the consarned foolishness out of him."
+
+Sez I, "Be calm, Josiah; don't throw away your own precious life through
+madness and revenge. The ostrich hain't to blame, he's only actin' out
+Nater."
+
+"Nater!" sez Josiah scornfully--"Nater for males to stay to hum and set
+on eggs, and hatch 'em, and brood young ones? Don't talk to me!"
+
+He wuz almost by the side of himself.
+
+And in spite of my almost frenzied appeals to restrain him, he lanched
+upon him.
+
+You could ride 'em by payin' so much, and money seemed to Josiah like so
+much water then, so wild with wrath and revenge wuz he.
+
+I see he would go, and I reached my hand up, and sez I, "Dear Josiah,
+farewell!"
+
+But he only nodded to me, and I hearn him murmurin' darkly--
+
+"Seein' he's so dum accommodatin' that he's took wimmen's work on him
+that they ort to do themselves, I'll give him a pull that will be apt to
+teach him his own place."
+
+[Illustration: "I'll give him a pull that will be apt to teach him
+his own place."]
+
+And he started off at a fearful rate; round and round that inclosure
+they went, Josiah layin' his cane over the sides of the bird, and the
+keeper a-yellin' at him that he'd be killed.
+
+And when they come round by us the first time I heard him
+a-aposthrofizin' the bird--
+
+"Don't you want to set on some more eggs? don't you want to brood a
+spell?" and then he would kick him, and the ostrich would jump, and
+leap, and rare round. But the third time he come round I see a change--I
+see deadly fear depictered in his mean, and sez he wildly--
+
+"Samantha, save me! save me! I am lost!" sez he.
+
+I wuz now in tears, and I sez wildly--
+
+"I will save that dear man, or perish!" and I wuz jest a-rushin' into
+the inclosure when they come a-tearin' round for the fourth time, and
+jest a little ways from us the ostrich give a wild yell and leap, and
+Josiah wuz thrown almost onto our feet.
+
+As the keeper rushed in to pick him up, we see he held a feather in his
+hand.
+
+He thought it wuz tore out by excitement, and Josiah clinched the
+feathers to save himself.
+
+But Josiah owned up to me afterwards that he gin up that he wuz a-goin'
+to be killed, and that his last thought wuz as he swooned away--wuz how
+much ostrich feathers cost, and how sweet it would be to give me a last
+gift of dyin' love, by pickin' a feather off for nothin'.
+
+I groaned and sithed when he told me, and sez I, "What won't you do
+next, Josiah Allen?"
+
+But this wuz hereafter, and to pick up the thread of my story agin.
+
+Wall, Josiah wuzn't killed, he wuz only stunted, and he soon recovered
+his conscientousness.
+
+And before half a hour passed away he wuz a-talkin' as pert as you
+please, a-boastin' of how he would tell it in Jonesville. Sez he, "I
+wonder what Deacon Henzy will say when I tell him that I rode a bird
+while I wuz here?" Sez he, "He never rode a crow or a sparrer."
+
+"Nor you, nuther," sez I; "how could you ride a crow?"
+
+"Wall," sez he, "I've rid a ostrich, and the news will cause great
+excitement in Jonesville, and probable up as fur as Zoar and Loontown."
+
+Then come Solomon's Temple. Josiah and I both felt that that wuz a good
+scriptural sight, worthy of a deacon and a deaconess, for some say that
+that is the proper way to address a deacon's wife.
+
+But come to find out, the Temple wuz inside of a house, and you had to
+pay to go in.
+
+And I sez, "Less pay, Josiah Allen, and go in."
+
+And he said that "it wuzn't scriptural. Solomon's Temple in Bible times
+never had a house built round it. And he wuzn't a-goin' to encourage
+folks to go on and build meetin'-housen inside of other housen.
+
+"Why," sez he, "if that idee is encouraged, they will be for buildin' a
+house round the Jonesville meetin'-house, and we will have to pay to go
+in."
+
+Sez he, "Less show our colors for the right, Samantha."
+
+The argument wuz a middlin' good one, though I felt that there wuzn't no
+danger.
+
+But he went on ahead, and I had to foller on after him, like two old
+ducks goin' to water.
+
+I guess that if it had been free he wouldn't have insisted on our
+showin' our colors.
+
+Wall, the end of the Plaisance wuz devoted to soldiers, military
+displays, and camps and drill grounds.
+
+Quite a spacious place, as big as two city blocks, and it must have been
+very interestin' for war-like people to look on and see 'em in their
+handsome uniforms, a-marchin', and a-counter-marchin', and a-haltin',
+and a-presentin' arms, etc., etc.
+
+And there wuz gardens and orange groves nigh by, too, where you could
+see ripe oranges and green ones hangin' to the same trees--dretful
+interestin' sight.
+
+Wall, if you would turn back agin and go towards the Fair ground on the
+south side, a Hungarian Orpheum is seen first. This is a dance hall,
+theatre, and restaurant all combined.
+
+Folks can dance here all the time from mornin' till night, if they want
+to, but we didn't want to dance--no, indeed! nor see it; our legs wuz
+too wore out, and so wuz our eyes, so we wended on to the Lapland
+Village.
+
+The main buildin' in this is a hundred feet long, with a square tower in
+the centre.
+
+Above the main entrance is a large paintin' representin' a scene in
+Lapland. Inside the inclosure are the huts of a Lapland Village, with
+the Laps all there to work at their own work.
+
+What a marvellous change for them! Transported from a country where
+there is eight months of total darkness, and four months of twilight or
+midnight sun, and so cold that no instrument has ever been invented to
+tell how cold it is.
+
+When the frozen seas and ice and snow is all they can see from birth
+till death.
+
+I wonder what they think of the change to this dazzlin' daylight, and
+the grandeur and bloom of 1893!
+
+But still they seem to weather it out a considerable time in their own
+icy home.
+
+King Bull, who is in Chicago, is one hundred and twelve years old, and
+is a five great-grandpa.
+
+And most of the five generations of children is with him here. But
+marryin' as they do at ten or twelve, they can be grandpa a good many
+times in a hundred years, as well as not.
+
+In this village is their housen, their earth huts, their tepees,
+orniments, reindeers, dogs, sledges, fur clothin', boats, fishin'
+tackle, etc., etc.
+
+As queer a sight as I ever see, and here it wuz agin, my Josiah and me
+a-journeyin' way off in Lapland--the idee!
+
+[Illustration: My Josiah and me a-journeyin' way off in Lapland--the
+idee!]
+
+The Dahomey Village come next. This shows the homes and customs of that
+country where the wimmen do all the fightin'.
+
+I sez to Josiah, "What a curiosity that wuz!"
+
+And he sez, "I d'no about the curiosity on't. It don't seem so to me;
+some wimmen fight with their fists," sez he, "and some with their
+tongues."
+
+That wuz his mean, onderhanded way of talkin'.
+
+But these wimmen are about as humbly as they make wimmen anywhere.
+
+And as for clothes, they are about as poor on't for 'em as anybody I see
+to the Fair. They had on jest as few as they could.
+
+They say their war dances is a sight to see. But I didn't let Josiah
+look on any dancin' or anything of the kind that I could help. I did not
+forget what I mistrusted he sometimes lost sight on, when he's on
+towers--that he wuz a deacon and a grandpa.
+
+He acted kinder longin' to the last. He said "he spozed it wuz a sight
+to see 'em dance and beat their tom-toms."
+
+And I sez, "I don't want to see no children beat; and," sez I, "what did
+Tom do to deserve beatin'?"
+
+Sez he, "I meant their drums, and the stuns they roll round in their
+husky skin bags, and cymbals," sez he.
+
+"Then," sez I, "why didn't you say so?"
+
+Sez he, "I spoze to see them humbly creeters with rings in their noses,
+a-dancin' and contortin' their bodies, and twistin' 'em round, is a
+sight. And I spoze the noises is as deafenin' as it would be for all the
+Jonesville meetin'-house to knock all the tin pans and bilers they could
+git holt of together, and yell.
+
+"And they don't wear nothin' but some feathers," sez he.
+
+"Wall," sez I, "I don't want to see no sech sight, and I don't want you
+to."
+
+And dretful visions, as I said it, rolled through my mind of the awful
+day it would be for Jonesville, if Josiah Allen should carry home any
+such wild idees, and git the other old Jonesvillians stirred up in it.
+
+To see him, and Deacon Henzy, and Deacon Bobbet, and the rest dressed up
+in a few feathers a-jumpin' round, and a-beatin' tin-pans, and
+a-contortin' their old frames, would, I thought, be the finishin' touch
+to me. I had stood lots of his experimentin' and branchin's out into new
+idees, but I felt that I could not brook this, so I would not heed his
+desire to stop. I made him move onwards.
+
+And then come Austria. There is thirty-six buildin's here, and they show
+Austrian life and costumes in every particular.
+
+Then come the Police Station, and Fire Department, and then a French
+Cider Press; but I didn't care nothin' about seein' that--cider duz more
+hurt than whiskey enough sight, American or French, and it wuzn't any
+treat to me to see it made, or drunk up, nor the effects on it nuther.
+
+Then there wuz a large French Restaurant, one of the best-built
+structures on the ground.
+
+Then come right along St. Peter's, jest as it is in this world, saints
+a-follerin' sinners.
+
+It is the exact model of the Church of St. Peter's at Rome.
+
+I would go in to see that, and Josiah consented after a parley.
+
+It is the exact model down to the most minute details of that most
+wonderful glory of art. It is about thirty feet long, and about three
+times as high as Josiah, and it is a sight to remember; it is perfectly
+beautiful.
+
+In this buildin' where the model is seen is some portraits of the
+different Popes, and besides these large models is some smaller ones of
+the beautiful Cathedral of Milan, the Piambino Palace, the Pantheon, and
+a statute of St. Peter himself.
+
+Good old creeter, how I've always liked him, and thought on him!
+
+But Josiah hurried me almost beyend my strength on the way out, for the
+Ferris Wheel wuz indeed nigh to us, and I forgive Josiah for his ardor
+when I see it.
+
+[Illustration: The Ferris Wheel wuz indeed nigh to us, and I forgive
+Josiah for his ardor when I see it.]
+
+If there wuz nothin' else to the World's Fair but jest that wheel, it
+would pay well to go clear from Jonesville to Chicago to see it. It
+stands up aginst the sky like a huge spider-web. It is two hundred and
+fifty feet in diameter--jest one wheel; think of that! As wide as twenty
+full-sized city houses--the idee! And there are thirty-six cars hitched
+to it, and sixty persons can ride in each car. So you can figger it out
+jest how much that huge spider-web catches when it gits in motion. Wall,
+my feelin's when I wuz a-bein' histed up through the air wuz about half
+and half--half sublimity and orr as I looked out on the hull glory of
+the world spread at my feet, and Lake Michigan, and everything--
+
+That part wuz clear riz up and noble, and then the other half wuz a
+skittish feelin' and a-wonderin' whether the tacklin' would give way,
+and we should descend with a smash.
+
+But the fifty-nine other people in the car with me didn't seem to be
+afraid, and I thought of the thirty-five other cars, all full, and
+a-swingin' up in the air with me; and the thought revived me some, and I
+managed to maintain my dignity and composure.
+
+Josiah acted real highlarious, and he wanted to swing round time and
+agin; he said "he would give a cent to keep a-goin' all day long."
+
+But I frowned on the idee, and I hurried him off by the model of the
+Eiffel Tower into Persia.
+
+There it wuz agin, my pardner and I a-travellin' in Persia--the very
+same Persia that our old Olney's gography had told us about years and
+years ago--a-visitin' it our own selves.
+
+I see the bazaars and booths all filled with the costliest laces, and
+rugs, and embroideries, and the Persians themselves a-sellin' 'em.
+
+But Josiah hurried me along at a fearful rate, for I had got my eye onto
+some lace that I wanted.
+
+I did not want to be extravagant, but I did want some of that lace; I
+thought how it would set off that night-cap.
+
+But he said "that Jonesville lace wuz good enough if I had got to have
+any; but," sez he, "I don't wear lace on my night-cap."
+
+"No," sez I; "how lace would look on a red woollen night-cap!"
+
+"Wall," sez he, "why don't you wear red woollen ones?"
+
+Sez I, "Josiah, you're not a woman."
+
+"No," sez he; "you wouldn't catch a man goin' to Persia for trimmin' for
+a night-cap."
+
+His axents jarred onto me, and mechanically I follered him into the
+Moorish Palace.
+
+One reason why I follered him so meekly and willin'ly, I didn't know but
+he would broach the subject of seein' them Persian wimmen dance.
+
+And I felt that I would ruther give a hull churnin' of fall's butter
+than to have his moral old mind contaminated with the sight.
+
+For they do say, them who have seen the sight, that "them Persian
+dancin' girls carry dancin' clear to the very verge of ondecency, and
+drop way off over the verge."
+
+I see lots of wimmen comin' out with their fan held before their
+blushin' faces.
+
+They say that wimmen fairly enjoy a-goin' in there to be horrified.
+
+They go day after day, they say, so to come out all horrified up, and
+their faces bathed in blushes.
+
+The men didn't come out at all, so they said.
+
+Wall, Josiah Allen didn't git in--no, indeed. I remembered the
+Jonesville meetin'-house, our pasture, and the grandchildren, and kept
+'em before him all the time, so I tided him over that crisis.
+
+Now, I never had paid any attention to the Moors, and Josiah hadn't; we
+never had had any to neighbor with, and I felt that I wuzn't acquainted
+with 'em at all, unless of course I had a sort of bowin' acquaintance,
+as it wuz, with that one old Moor in my Olney's gography in my
+school-days.
+
+And what I'd seen of him didn't seem to make me hanker after any further
+acquaintance with him.
+
+But when I see that Palace of theirn I felt overwhelmed with shame and
+regret to think I'd always slighted 'em so, and never had made any
+overtoors towards becomin' intimate with 'em.
+
+The outside on't wuz splendid enough to almost take your breath, with
+its strange and gorgeous magnificence. It wuz sech a contrast in its
+construction to the Exposition Buildin's that lift their domes in such
+glory on the East.
+
+But if the outside struck a blow onto our admiration and astonishment,
+what--what shall I say of the inside?
+
+Why, as I entered that magnificent arched vestibule, with my faithful
+pardner by my side, and my good cotton umbrell grasped in my right hand,
+the view wuz pretty nigh overwhelmin' in its profusion of orniment and
+gorgeous decoration.
+
+That first look seemed to take me back to Spain right out of Chicago,
+and other troubles. I wuz a-roamin' there with Mr. Washington Irving,
+and Mr. Bancroft, and other congenial and descriptive minds, and
+surrounded with the gorgeous picters of that old time.
+
+I wuz back, I should presoom to say, as much, if not more, than four
+hundred years, when all to once I was recalled by my companion.
+
+"Dum it, I didn't know they charged folks for goin' to meetin'!"
+
+"Hush!" sez I; "this is not a meetin'-house, this is a palace; be calm!"
+
+And comin' down through the centuries as sudden as if jerked by a
+electric lasso of lightnin', I see that old familiar sight of a man
+a-settin' a-sellin' tickets.
+
+And Josiah with a deep sithe paid our fares, and we meandered onwards.
+
+Right beyend the ticket man, to the right on him, wuz a colonnade
+runnin' round a circular room covered with a ruff in the shape of a
+tent. The ceilin' and walls are covered with landscape views of Southern
+Spain, and a mandolin orchestra carried out the idee of a Andulusian
+Garden.
+
+And then comes a labyrinth of columns and mirrors, and through 'em and
+round 'em and up overhead wuz splendor on splendor of orniment,
+gorgeousness on gorgeousness.
+
+These columns are made to put one in mind of the Alhambria, where we so
+often strayed with our friend Washington Irving.
+
+[Illustration: Josiah paid our fares.]
+
+And oh, what curious feelin's it did make me have to cast my eyes
+onwards amongst these splendid arches and pillows, and see anon or
+oftener a tall Moor, with his long robe and his white turban, or
+whatever they call it, a-fallin' round his face!
+
+And then another and another of the white-robed figgers, a-glidin' round
+in amongst the arches, or a-settin' there in a vista of gorgeousness,
+like ghosts of the past come to visit the Columbus Fair.
+
+Way beyend the labyrinths, and to the left on't, is the Palm Garden,
+with lounging places for three or four hundred visitors, and a Moorish
+orchestra hid by a cluster of branchin' palms, and Arab attendants in
+native costumes.
+
+And then there wuz grottoes and fountains lit by electric lights, and
+groups of statuary illustratin' famous historical seens.
+
+And right here, while the past wuz a-pressin' so clost to us, that we
+wuz almost took back there in the body--our minds wuz there, way, way
+back--
+
+When sudden, swift, wuz we brung back from the past--brung back to
+conscientousness, as it were, by two forms and two voices.
+
+Here of all places in the world, in the heart of a Moorish palace, did
+my eyes fall upon the faces of Bizer Dagget, and Selinda, his wife.
+
+And I sez, as my eyes fell from the contemplation of art-decked freeze
+and fretted archways onto the old familar freckled face, and green
+alpaca dress, and Bizer's meek sandy whiskers, and pepper-and-salt
+suit--
+
+Sez I, "Whyee, Selinda and Bizer, is it you? How do you do? When did you
+git here? You didn't lay out to come when we started."
+
+"No," sez Selinda; "you know jest how it wuz, you know we had his folks
+to take care on, and Father Dagget wuz so helpless that we had to lift
+him round. And we shouldn't been able to git here at all, only Father
+had a severe fall out o' bed one night in the dead of night. He wuz all
+alone, and skairt--so we spoze--and that fall took him off on the second
+day.
+
+"And as quick as we could git ready we sot off here.
+
+[Illustration: "Whyee! Selinda and Bizer, is it you?"]
+
+"It didn't seem really right, but you know Father hain't known anything
+for upwards of two years, and you know jest how bad we did want to come
+here.
+
+"But I don't know as it wuz exactly right to come off so soon after he
+fell. I spoze it will make talk, I spoze his folks will talk, and the
+Jonesvillians."
+
+"But," I sez, for I wanted to comfort her--she's a good creeter--
+
+Sez I, "Columbus had to wait before he sot out to discover us, till
+Grenada fell, and that made talk." Sez I, "Probable Columbuses folks
+talked as much as Bizer's folks will. But," sez I, "it wuz all for the
+best.
+
+"And," sez I, "your Father Dagget wuz a good creeter before he lost his
+mind."
+
+"Yes," sez she, "but for upwards of two years he's tried to put his
+pantaloons on over his head, and he'd put his arms in his boots every
+time if we'd let him, thinkin' it wuz a vest."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "you've did well by him, Selinda, and now if I wuz in
+your and Bizer's place, I'd try to look round all I could and git my
+mind off, and see everything I could see."
+
+Sez she with a deep sithe, "There hain't no trouble about that; there is
+enough to see." Sez she, "It seems as though I had seen enough every
+five minutes sence I come, if it wuz spread out even and smooth, to
+cover a hull lifetime, and cover it thick, too," sez she.
+
+"And," sez I, warmly and candidly, "Heaven knows that is true--true as
+gospel."
+
+And then Selinda and Bizer, and Josiah and me walked on into other parts
+of the buildin', and there we see a small-lookin' model of the Santa
+Maria, the Admiral's flag-ship, manned by men with the same clothes on
+as wuz wore by Columbuses mariners. That filled me with large emotions,
+and Selinda felt it too.
+
+And it wuz here that Josiah nudged me, and sez he, "You've always
+throwed it into my face that men don't think so much of each other as
+wimmen do; and now," sez he, "look at them two men--I've watched 'em as
+long as ten minutes--a-holdin' each other's hands."
+
+And sure enough, I turned, and I see two good-lookin' men a-holdin' each
+other by the hand as if they loved each other fondly--
+
+As if they couldn't bear to leggo. They wuz first-rate lookin' men, too,
+and you could see plain by their liniments how much store they sot by
+each other.
+
+Wall, Josiah and I wended off and looked at the wax figgers of Lincoln,
+and the death of Marie Antoinette, and lots of other interestin' wax
+statutes; and when we come back, there stood them two men still
+a-holdin' each other by the hand; and Josiah whispered agin, "How they
+love each other! no gabblin' and gushin', like wimmen, but jest silent,
+clost, deep love."
+
+"But," I sez, "I believe there is sunthin' wrong about 'em. It hain't
+nateral for men to stand still so long holt of hands. I believe they're
+in a fit or sunthin'."
+
+"A fit!" sez he. "I spoze a woman would have a fit if she had to keep
+still a minute with another woman in gunshot of her.
+
+"But to satisfy you," sez he, "I'll see."
+
+So he accosted 'em, and sez he, "I will ask the way to Noah's Ark." So
+he advanced with a polite air, and sez he, "Could either one of you two
+gentlemen tell me where Noah's Ark is situated?" Sez he, "Bizer is
+anxious to see it."
+
+They didn't move or stir, and Josiah agin sez, "Do you know where Noah's
+Ark is?" and he laid his hand on the arm of one of the men who stood
+near him.
+
+A Columbian Guard who stood near sez, "Keep your hand offen the wax
+figger!"
+
+Josiah wuz mortified most to death. He'd wanted to show off the equality
+of his sect, and to have man's love and fidelity proved to be but wax
+wuz harrowin'.
+
+But he didn't stay mortified more'n a minute and a half on sech a
+business.
+
+And the Guard told us where Noah's Ark wuz.
+
+And Bizer and Josiah wuz all carried away with it. This wuz in the
+children's room, and all the animals are reproduced life size, every one
+of 'em two and two, jest as they enter the Ark.
+
+We couldn't hardly tear our two pardners away, Selinda and I couldn't.
+
+Josiah said, "It wuz so beautiful and interestin'," and so Bizer said.
+
+But I believe what made them men cling to it so for sech a length of
+time, they hearn us talk about how we wanted to go into the Bazaar,
+where there wuz lots of things to sell.
+
+But finally they see they couldn't hold us back no longer, so we went
+through that gorgeous place, all full of bronzes, rugs, vases, pipes,
+and etcetry.
+
+We didn't stay long here, though, for Bizer and Josiah said that the air
+wuz that bad they wuz chokin', and that they couldn't stan' it.
+
+And Selinda and I a-feelin' that chokin' a pardner wuz the last thing we
+wanted to undertake, we went through it at a pretty good jog, and anon
+we found ourselves in Turkey; and here I found the Turkeys had done
+first-rate.
+
+Why, one piece of their hand-wrought lace wuz worth hundreds of
+thousands of dollars. While I wuz a-admirin' of it, Josiah whispered
+firmly--
+
+"Don't go to thinkin' of that old night-cap in sech a time as this."
+
+And I whispered back, "I hain't no more idee on't than you have of
+buyin' that old tent to take down to the lake with you a-fishin'."
+
+That very old battle-tent wuz all hand work, embroidered in gold and
+silver and silk in nateral figgers, and they said it wuz worth five
+millions of dollars--
+
+And a silver bedstead the Sultan is a-goin' to give to his daughter as
+a part of her settin' out when she marries wuz worth four hundred and
+fifty thousand dollars.
+
+You can from this form some idee of the value of the other enormous
+exhibits.
+
+And the most beautiful horses you ever see, right from the Sultan's
+stable, wuz a-prancin' round. And one hundred Beoudins with camels and
+dromedaries added to the picteresqueness of the seen.
+
+And then we see Cleopatri's needle, that tall column a-risin' up to the
+sky, all covered with writin' worse than mine, and that's a-sayin' a
+good deal. I couldn't read a word on't, nor Josiah couldn't.
+
+And to the back of the Grand Bazaar wuz leven cottages, where male and
+female Turkeys wuz workin' at their different trades, showin' jest how
+rugs, and carpets, and embroideries, and brass work is made.
+
+As I said to Selinda, "Would you believed it possible, Selinda, if we'd
+been told on't a dozen years ago that you and I should be a-travellin'
+in Turkey to-day?"
+
+And she said, "No, indeed; she had never imagined that she should ever
+visit sech foreign shores."
+
+Yes, we felt considerable riz up to think that we wuz engaged in foreign
+travel, but not hauty. No, we are both on us well-principled, and don't
+believe in puttin' on airs.
+
+Wall, we stayed here a good while, and Josiah thought he'd eat sunthin'
+here, too. If he'd had his way, he would had a good square meal in every
+foreign country, and native one, too. That man's appetite is wonderful.
+Foreign countries can't quell it down, nor rumatiz, nor nothin'.
+
+Hakenbeck's animal show comes next, and it is the most complete--so they
+say--that wuz ever exhibited.
+
+The tent is two hundred feet square, and is filled with all the animals
+that ever went into the Ark, and more, too, I believe. Five thousand
+people can go in here at one time, and set down, and see lions a-ridin'
+on horseback, with a woman to run the performance, and see animals
+a-doin' everything else that ever wuz done by 'em, and tigers, and
+elephants, and performin' horses, and two hundred monkeys, and one
+thousand parrots.
+
+We didn't go in, but Josiah slipped in one day when I wuzn't with him,
+and he described it to me. He owned up to me that he had.
+
+And he said he did it to keep me from havin' sech a skair.
+
+"Why," sez he, "a woman that is afraid of a gobbler, and runs from a
+snake--
+
+"Why," sez he, "I wouldn't as a man of feelin' take her right in the way
+of havin' her feelin's hurt and skairin' her most to death for nothin'
+this world could give."
+
+And I said--and I meant it--"If it hadn't been for the fifty cents I
+guess you wouldn't felt so, Josiah Allen."
+
+But he stuck to it that it wuz pure affection and principle. I d'no what
+to think about it, but I have my suspicions.
+
+Wall, at the next place Josiah could not be restrained. It wuz the good
+old-fashioned New England house with gable ends, and here a good New
+England dinner wuz served.
+
+And sez Josiah, "I don't leave this house till I have a good square
+meal."
+
+Bizer felt jest so, and so Selinda and I jined 'em in a meal most as
+good as she and I got up to hum, and that is sayin' a great deal.
+
+Josiah's satisfaction in eatin' that pork and beans, and them doughnuts,
+wuz a sight to witness.
+
+Bizer called for cold biled vittles, and sure enough, they brung 'em on.
+
+And the enjoyment of them two men wuz extreme. Selinda and I took
+comfort in some old-fashioned pound-cake and custard pie.
+
+Selinda said she'd love to have the receipt of that pound-cake.
+
+Selinda is a good plain cook. She can't cook like me, of course, but she
+duz well.
+
+Wall, their extra good meal had sot up Josiah and Bizer to a wonderful
+extent (they had drunk coffee too strong for 'em by half, and I knew
+it), and them two men wanted to go back into the Cairo Street. Bizer and
+Selinda had never seen it, and all the way there Josiah seemed to be on
+the lookout to do sunthin' heroic and surprisin' to Bizer.
+
+And jest after we got there, we did see as strange a sight as I ever
+see. It wuz a Eastern Fakir, as they called him. He wuz performin' one
+of his strange sights right there before our face and eyes.
+
+A big crowd wuz gathered round him of human bein's in all strange
+costumes, and camels and their drivers, and dromedaries, and donkeys,
+and everything else under the sun. But this man stood calm under the
+sights and ear-piercin' yells and jabbers.
+
+And in some way, I d'no how, nor Josiah don't, he wuz a-holdin' another
+Japan or Turkey--anyway, one of them foreign men--suspended right up in
+the air.
+
+I see it, and Josiah see it, and Bizerses folks. Eight eyes from
+Jonesville looked at it, to say nothin' of the assembled crowd.
+
+He wuzn't restin' on nothin' at all, so fur as we could see. What
+material wrought out of the Occult World wuz piled up under him I d'no.
+
+There might have been a sofa and two cushions wrought out of another
+fabric different from what we know anything about, and that don't make
+any show aginst the summer sky.
+
+And then, agin, it might be that Josiah wuz right.
+
+He sez, "It's easy enough to do that. He casts a mist before our eyes,
+and we have to see jest what he wanted us to."
+
+"Wall," sez I, "if I had to do one of 'em to entertain the Missionary
+Society at Jonesville, I d'no but I had jest as soon hist Submit
+Tewksbury up in the air, and suspend her there in our parlor, as to cast
+mists before the eyes of the Jonesvillians and make 'em see her there
+when she wuz a-settin' on the sofa. Either one on 'em is queer--queer as
+a dog."
+
+"Wall," sez he, "you don't want to go into any sech a job. You'll kill
+Submit, anyway, experimentin' on her."
+
+And I sez, "You needn't worry; I hain't a-goin' to try to branch out
+into no sech doin's." Sez I, "I wuz usin' Submit as a metafor."
+
+Wall, the Fakir after a while asked the queer-lookin' crowd gathered
+round him for money to try more experiments with.
+
+And wantin' to branch out and outdo Bizer, and make himself a hero,
+Josiah planked out a five-dollar bill.
+
+And then the man asked Josiah to look in his hat, and there inside the
+band he found the money, or so it seemed.
+
+And then he told me to look in my pocket, and there wuz five silver
+dollars to all appearance.
+
+I felt real well about it, and wuz about to put 'em into my portmoney,
+thinkin' that they wuz my lawful prey, seein' they had fell onto me
+through my pardner's weakness, when lo and behold! they wuzn't there.
+
+I felt real stunted, and kinder sot back.
+
+"Slight of hand," sez Josiah to me and Bizer. "Don't be afraid, I'll
+make it all right." And he reached out his hand to git the money back.
+The man handed the money back, or so we spozed, and vanished in the
+crowd.
+
+And Josiah, when he went to look in his hand, found some pink and white
+paper. He hollered round and acted for quite a spell, but the man wuz
+gone for good, and Josiah's money with him. Wall, Josiah wuz almost
+broken-hearted over the loss of his money; he felt awful browbeat and
+smut, and acted so.
+
+And then it wuz Bizer's time to show off and act. Nothin' to do but
+what Selinda had got to ride a camel.
+
+She hung back and acted 'fraid. She hain't a bit well, for all she is so
+fat. She has real dizzy spells sometimes, and is that cowardly that
+she'd be 'fraid to ride a cow, let alone one of them tall, humbly
+monsters. But nothin' to do but what Bizer would have his way.
+
+He did it jest to go ahead of us, and I knew it, for I put my foot right
+down in the first on't.
+
+Josiah would a paid out the money willin'ly ruther than had Bizer go
+ahead of him.
+
+Bizer said he wanted to give Selinda all the enjoyment he could while on
+her tower, she had been shet up so much, and hadn't had the pleasures
+she ort to had.
+
+I knew his motives and Selinda's feelin's, but couldn't break it up, for
+Selinda had always follered Elder Minkley's orders strict, that he gin
+her at the altar--
+
+"Wives, obey your husbands."
+
+She didn't rebel outward, but she whispered to me in pitiful axents--
+
+"I hate to ride that creeter--oh, how I hate to! But you know my
+principles," sez she; "you know I always said that wives ort to obey
+their pardners."
+
+And I sez, "When pardners and common sense conflict, I foller common
+sense every time. Howsumever," sez I, "if you want to air them
+principles of yourn, you won't be apt to find a more lofty place to
+exhibit 'em."
+
+And I glanced up the gray precipitous sides of that camel, and she
+looked up 'em, too, with fear and tremblin', but begun to gird her
+lions, figgeratively speakin', to obey Bizer and embark.
+
+She has always boasted to me and the other neighborin' wimmen that she
+has never disobeyed her husband once; and I sez to her cheerfully,
+"Wall, I have, and expect to agin, if the Lord spares my life."
+
+And so Miss Bobbet told her, and Miss Gowdy, and Miss Peedick, and all
+the rest. She acted so high-headed about it, that we said it some to
+take down her pride, and some on principle.
+
+We believed there wuz reason in all things, and none of us wimmen felt
+that we would stand
+
+"On a burnin' deck,
+Whence all but we had fled,"
+
+and burn up, even if our pardners had ordered us to. We wuz law-abidin',
+every one on us, but we felt there wuz times where law ended and common
+sense begun.
+
+But Selinda argued, I well remember, that if Bizer had ordered her to
+stay on that deck, she should stay and be sot fire to.
+
+And she praised up little Casey Bianky warmly, while we thought and said
+that Casey acted like a fool, and felt that Mr. Bianky would much ruther
+had him run and save himself than to burn up; anyway, old Miss Bianky
+would, and I believe his pa would.
+
+Men are good-hearted creeters the biggest heft of the time, but failable
+in judgment sometimes, jest like female wimmen.
+
+But Selinda wuz firm in her belief.
+
+And here this day in Chicago she gin one of the most remarkable proofs
+of it ever seen in this country.
+
+So while Selinda trembled like a popple leaf, and her false teeth
+rattled over her dry tongue (besides the camel, she wuz 'fraid as death
+of the Turkey that driv it, and he did look fierce), the camel knelt
+down, and the almost swoonin' Selinda was histed up onto his back by the
+proud and haughty Bizer, and the strange-lookin' Turkey.
+
+She had no more than got seated when the driver give a skairful yell,
+and the camel give a fearful lunge, and straightened up on its feet, and
+Selinda's bunnet fell back onto her neck, and lay there through the hull
+of the enterprise, and her gray hair floated back onchecked, for she
+dassent let her hands go a minit to fix it.
+
+It wuz a mournin' bunnet and veil, but black gittin' soiled so easy, she
+had put on a bright green alpaca dress she had, thinkin' that she
+wouldn't see nobody she knew; and she wore some old yeller mitts for the
+same reason, and some low, shabby-lookin' shoes, and some white
+stockin's.
+
+And her weight bein' two hundred and forty, she showed off vivid aginst
+the settin' sun.
+
+Selinda is a meek woman and obedient, but she cries easy. You have got
+to take good traits and bad ones in folks. She can't help it. She always
+cries in class meetin', or anywhere--has cried time and agin a-tellin'
+how she would be trompled on and lay down and have her head chopped off
+if Bizer told her to.
+
+And of course it couldn't be expected she would go through this fearful
+experience without sheddin' tears. No; before she had been up there two
+minits she begun to cry.
+
+[Illustration: Before she had been up there two minits she begun to
+cry.]
+
+She always makes up pitiful faces when she weeps. It has been talked on
+a sight in Jonesville, some sayin' she might help it, and some
+contendin' that she couldn't; but she skairs children frequent.
+
+But now she dassent leggo a minit to git her handkerchief, so she rode
+along weepin' silently, and a fearful sight for men or angels, but
+truly a cryin' monument of wifely devotion.
+
+As she moved off, I could see at the first strain her dress waist, bein'
+one of the short round ones with a belt, had bust asunder, leavin' a
+white waist of cotton flannel between 'em, which seemed to be a-growin'
+wider and wider all the time. (She wears cotton flannel for her health.)
+
+As I see this, and not knowin' what would ensue and take place in her
+clothin', I cast onto the wind my own fears, and the shrinkin' timidity
+of my sect, and graspin' my umbrell in my hand, I run along by the side
+of the lofty quadreped, a-tryin' to reach up and fix her a little.
+
+But I could not; her position wuz too lofty, the mount wuz too
+precipitous on which she sot.
+
+She see me, but she didn't stop her cryin', and the faces she wuz
+a-makin' wuz pitiful in the extreme, and skairful to anybody that hadn't
+seen 'em so much as I had. She wuz half bent, which made her
+cotton-flannel infirmity harder to witness.
+
+The camel wuz a-swayin' fearful from side to side, and a-lurchin'
+forwards and a lurchin' backwards at a dangerous rate.
+
+Oh, how dizzy-headed Selinda must have been! How skairt and how dretful
+her feelin's wuz!
+
+Sez I, "Dismount to once, Selinda Dagget."
+
+"No," sez she; "Bizer has placed me here, and here I will stay."
+
+"You don't know whether you will or not," sez I. "I believe you are
+a-fallin' off; and," sez I, "I'm 'fraid you'll git killed, Selinda; do
+git down!"
+
+"I fear it too," sez she, and she looked down on me with agony in her
+mean, and sez she--
+
+"Good-bye, Sister Allen; if we don't meet agin, we both believe in a
+better country."
+
+I wuz all carried away by my emotions, or wouldn't spoke out so; but I
+sez--
+
+"This country is all right enough, if folks didn't act like fools in
+it." Sez I, "Do you git down and pull down your bask, and wipe your nose
+and eyes; you look like fury, Selinda Dagget."
+
+"No," sez she; "Bizer wanted me to ride, and I shall die a-pleasin' him.
+I took vows of obedience onto me at the altar, and if I die here, Sister
+Allen, tell the female sistern at Jonesville that I died a-keepin' them
+vows."
+
+Sez I, "I'll tell 'em you died a nateral fool;" and sez I agin, "Git
+down offen that camel, Selinda Dagget, before you fall off."
+
+And I kep clost by her, and kinder poked at her with my umbrell, to let
+her know I hadn't deserted her, and havin' a blind idee that I could
+hold her up with it if the worst come.
+
+Where wuz Bizer durin' this fearful seen? while I wuz a-showin' plain
+the deathless devotion to my sect--to another one in distress.
+
+He wuz all took up with his own feelin's of pride and show.
+
+He wuz a-ridin' a donkey, and it wuz a-backin' up and a-actin', and took
+every mite of his strength and firmness to keep on.
+
+He had a tall white hat with a mournin' weed on't, and a long linen
+duster, and the wind blowed this out some like a balloon.
+
+He looked queer; but as soon as he stiddied himself on't he tried his
+best to reach the side of Selinda--I'll say that for him. But the donkey
+wuz obstinate, and kep a-backin' up, and Bizer, bein' his legs dragged,
+kinder walked along with the donkey under him. Occasionally he would set
+down for a spell, but the most of his journey wuz done a-walkin' afoot.
+And the crowd see it and cheered.
+
+It wuz hard on Bizer. Nothin' but pride and ambition led him into the
+undertakin', or kep him up through it.
+
+As for me, I lost all patience, and my breath, too, and went back to my
+pardner.
+
+And anon or about that time they made their rounds, and come back where
+Josiah and I stood.
+
+I reached up a handkerchief to Selinda as quick as I could, but she
+couldn't wipe her eyes or tend to her nose until she dismounted, or fix
+the gapin' kasum at the back of her waist.
+
+She greeted me warmly the minit her feet touched terry firmy, as one
+might who had come out of great peril. She's a good-hearted creeter.
+
+And between us both, with some pins I took out of my huzzy I always
+carry with me, we fixed her up agin.
+
+And if you'll believe it, the very minit I got her pinned up she begun
+to act high-headed and to boast of how much principle she'd shown.
+
+And I said, "You've shown more'n principle, Selinda; you've showed
+cotton flannel that you had ort to have kep to yourself. You have made a
+panorama that can't be described."
+
+"Yes," sez she; "it will be sunthin' to tell on all my life."
+
+She took it as a compliment. Oh dear me suz!
+
+Bizer had scraped the patent leather all offen the toes of his shoes,
+and had squandered three dollars in money, but he felt good. Yes, they
+both said what a excitement this adventure would make in Jonesville when
+they told on't.
+
+And I thought to myself, if the Jonesvillians could see jest how she
+looked, and he too, it would be apt to make a excitement.
+
+How many times did I digest this great truth while on my tower! How
+little we know sometimes what a appearance we are a-makin' before men
+and angels, when we think we are a-doin' sunthin' wonderful!
+
+Wall, Josiah wuz all took aback; he couldn't seem to bear Bizer's
+patronizin' ways so well as I could Selinda's. Truly, females learn the
+lesson well to suffer and be calm.
+
+But he acted kinder surly, and proposed that we should go hum; and bein'
+tired as a dog, I gin a willin' consent, and Bizer and Selinda parted
+from us, their way layin' different from ourn.
+
+Wall, that night, after we got back to Miss Plankses, I felt all kind o'
+shook up in sperit, and considerable as I do when I've eat too hearty,
+and of too many kinds of food.
+
+You know, you mustn't swaller a big meal too quick, or eat too many
+kinds of food when you're tired, or it won't set right on your stomach.
+
+I felt real dyspeptic in my mind that night, and I felt that I had
+wandered out of the sweet, level paths of Moderation and Megumness that
+I love to wander in.
+
+But I am a eppisodin', and to resoom.
+
+It seemed as if the bed never felt so good to me as it did that night;
+and the pillers never felt so soft, and quiet, and comfortable. And
+with a deep sithe of content I went out at once into the Land of Sleep,
+and bein' too tired to
+
+    "tread its windin' ways
+Beyend the reach of busy feet,"
+
+I sunk down under the shade of a branchin' Poppy Tree, and laid there
+becalmed and peaceful till Miss Plankses risin' bell rung--way up the
+stairway, up into my bedroom--and echoed over into the Land, shook the
+drowsy boughs over my head, and waked me up.
+
+And then, tired as I wuz the night before, I felt considerable chipper.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX.
+
+
+Wall, this mornin' we sot off in good season. We would always lay our
+plans in the mornin', and that mornin' I said, "I would love to tackle
+the Agricultural Buildin'."
+
+And Josiah gin his willin' consent. He said, "After so much gildin' and
+orniments, he would love to look at a potato, or a rutabagy, or a
+cowcumber."
+
+And I sez, "If you lay out to git rid of seein' orniments, you had
+better not stir out of your tracks."
+
+And Nony Piddock said, "It sickened a man to see so much vain orniment."
+
+And the Twin said, "It wuz perfectly beautiful to see it."
+
+And the rest of the boarders bein' agreed jest about as well on't, we
+set out for the Agricultural Hall in pretty good sperits.
+
+Wall, truly did Nony say that the orniments wuz impressive and
+overwhelmin'.
+
+Now, I thought I had seen orniments, and I thought I had seen pillows.
+
+Why, Father Allen had a porch held up by as many as five pillows--holler
+ones--boarded round and painted to look like granite stun.
+
+And our Meetin'-House steeple wuz, I had always spozed, ornimented.
+
+Why, we had gin as high as fourteen dollars for the ornimental work on
+that steeple, and the Jonesvillians, and the Loontowns, and the Zoarites
+come from fur and near to look at it and admire it, the Jonesvillians in
+pride and the others in envy, and a-hankerin' to have one like it.
+
+[Illustration: The Jonesvillians, and the Loontowns, and the
+Zoarites came from fur and near to admire it.]
+
+But truly our pride in that steeple tottered and fell when we hove in
+sight of that Agricultural Hall.
+
+And when you look at the size of that buildin', and the grandeur of it,
+you can see plain what sort of a place Agriculture holds in the minds of
+the world, and how much store folks set on eatin'; and truly, how could
+the world git along without it? It would run right down.
+
+Why, imagine, if you can, eight hundred feet one way and five hundred
+the other way, all orniments and pillows, pillows and orniments, and one
+big towerin' dome in the centre, and lots of smaller ones, each one
+topped off with the most beautiful figger, and groups of figgers, you
+ever laid eyes on.
+
+Where wuz Father Allen's pillow, and our steeple? Gone, crushed down
+under twenty-six hundred feet of clear pillows and orniments.
+
+On top of the great central dome stands the beautiful figger of Diana,
+who had flown away from Madison Square, New York, and had settled down
+here on purpose to delight the beholders of the United Globe with her
+beauty and grace.
+
+She wuz still a-holdin' her arrows in her hand, still a-turnin' her
+beautiful face around so everybody could see it, still a-kickin' at the
+wind with her pretty heel. But, as in the past, so now, let her kick
+ever so hard, she couldn't turn the wind a mite when it got its mind
+made up to blow from any particular pint of the compass.
+
+And besides this figger on the dome, every little while on the four
+corners of the buildin' wuz long, low groups of female wimmen a-holdin'
+garlands, depicterin' the four seasons.
+
+And the long line of pillows would be broken by noble piers, with a
+beautiful group of figgers on every one on 'em, and some flags a-wavin'
+out, as if to draw attention to the perfectness of the statutes.
+
+One on 'em wuz a good-lookin' man a-holdin' two prancin' horses, and I
+sez to myself, I am glad to see a man a-holdin' the bits for once.
+
+But come to look closter, I see that there wuz two figgers--little
+girls, I guess--that wuz holt of the horses' heads. And then I see the
+man had a sword in one hand and a club in the other. He wuzn't to
+blame--he couldn't hold 'em. Jest like Josiah; lots of times he would be
+real glad to do things, only his hands are full.
+
+And then another group wuz a beautiful female a-standin' up between two
+great, big, long-horned oxen, a-holdin' them powerful-lookin' beasts
+with a rope made of posies.
+
+Good land! I wouldn't held 'em with iron chains. They looked so
+high-headed, and their horns looked so long, and it seemed too bad to
+put her at such a dangerous job.
+
+But she didn't seem to be a mite afraid; she looked calm, and she had on
+plenty of store clothes, which wuz indeed a comfort.
+
+[Illustration: She didn't seem to be a mite afraid.]
+
+And then, besides these main piers, with their large, beautiful groups,
+there wuz fifty-two smaller piers, each one havin' a handsome statute,
+representin' winged Geniis, sometimes a-holdin' tablets in their hands,
+and anon horns of plenty, and abundance.
+
+Most of this beautiful sculpture wuz designed by a man named Martiney,
+French born, but I guess a-callin' himself an American now.
+
+And I thought, as I looked at it, I would love to see him, and tell him
+how well I thought on him and his works. He also made the beautiful
+orniments in the interior of the large rotunda, and the great figger of
+Ceres that stands in the centre.
+
+In the pediment over the main entrance stands another beautiful figger
+of Ceres--she that wuz Demetor Saturn.
+
+I spoze, mebby, now we ort to call her Miss Jupiter. But, anyway, she is
+as good-hearted as can be, always a-handin' out grain and food to the
+perishin'.
+
+Here she stands in the sculpture, which is made by an American, Mr. Mead
+by name--here she stands, tall and benignant, in the centre of as many
+as twenty men, wimmen, and children, a-sufferin' from hunger the most on
+'em, and she a-handin' out food right and left. What a good creeter she
+is, anyway!
+
+Wall, mebby I have gin you a faint, a very faint idee of the beauty of
+the hull twenty-six hundred feet of solid loveliness and perfection.
+
+But who--who will tell what we see inside on't?
+
+In this buildin' every State in the Union, and almost every civilized
+nation of the world, is represented with agricultural exhibits, and food
+products in their manufactured state. Prizes will be gin at the end of
+the Fair to the _best_.
+
+Every nation is shown up here; and if you have got any learnin', you
+can look it up in your own Gography, and realize the number on 'em, and
+the immense size of the exhibition.
+
+And then there is the most interestin' exhibits in agricultural
+teachin', Schools and Colleges of different nations, side by side with
+the best American colleges of Agriculture, and Experimental Stations.
+
+Here in this exhibit you can see everything eatable and drinkable, from
+Jonesville wheat to palm sugar, and all sorts of vegetables that wuz
+ever seen, and the very biggest ones that wuz ever grown, from a sweet
+potato to a squash, and peanuts to cocoanuts--
+
+And all sorts of animal products, from a elephant's tusk, from Africa,
+to a sleek deacon's skin, from Jonesville.
+
+And then, besides the exhibit of raw products of every kind, from Egypt
+to Shackville, there are shown off all sorts of manufactured foods, and
+everything else, and so forth and so on.
+
+If you stay here long enough, say from 2 to 3 months, you can git a good
+idee of what the world feeds on, from Hindoostan to Loontown and Zoar.
+
+Josiah enjoyed himself here richly.
+
+He hardly could be torn away.
+
+And I took comfort, too, in the dairy, where the butter and cheese from
+the different States is shown off in handsome cases, and kep cool and
+fresh in dog-days. This wuz, I spoze, to test the merits of the
+different breeds of dairy cattle, and teach the very best methods of
+makin' butter and cheese.
+
+I took solid comfort here, and I also got some new and useful idees that
+I could disseminate to Miss Isham, and she that wuz Submit Tewksbury.
+
+As for Philury, I mean to give her lessons daily (she runs our dairy in
+my absence).
+
+In the annex of this buildin' wuz exhibits of all the Agricultural
+implements ever known or hearn on, from the first old rickety reaper up
+to the noble machine of to-day, that will cut the grain, and take out a
+string and tie it up in sheafs; and I guess if it wuz encouraged enough,
+it would take it to the mill and grind it--
+
+And the first old cotton-gin and mower up to the finished machines of
+to-day.
+
+Outside this buildin', directly on the lagoon, wuz exhibits of gates,
+fences, and all sorts of wind-mills, from the picteresque old Dutch
+mills up to the ones of eighteen hundred and ninety-three.
+
+And engines, portable and traction ones.
+
+I asked Josiah, "What he spozed a traction engine wuz," and he sez, "One
+that is tractable--easy to manage." Sez he, "Some on 'em, you know, is
+obstropolos."
+
+I don't know whether he got it right or not, but he seemed sure on't,
+and that is half the battle, so fur as makin' a show is concerned, in
+this world.
+
+Jined to this department is a Assembly Hall, on purpose for speakers and
+orators to disseminate the best and latest idees about agriculture.
+
+And, take it all in all, what a boon to Jonesville and the World the
+hull exhibit is!
+
+It wuz a sight!
+
+Wall, bein' pretty nigh to it--only a little walk acrost a tree-shaded
+green--I acceded to my pardner's request that I would go with him to the
+Stock Exhibit. He had been before, but I hadn't got round to it.
+
+It is sixty-three acres big, forty-four acres under ruff.
+
+Think of a house forty-four acres big!
+
+Wall, here we see every live animal that wuz ever seen, from a little
+trick pony to a elephant, and from a sheep to a camel--a dretful
+interestin' exhibit, but noisy.
+
+And all kinds of dogs, from a poodle to a mastiff.
+
+Why, there wuz one dog there that wuz worth three thousand and seven
+hundred dollars; it is the biggest dog in the world.
+
+But I told Josiah that I wouldn't gin a cent for it if I had got to have
+it round; it wuz so big that it wuz fairly skairful. Why it weighed
+about two hundred and fifty pounds.
+
+[Illustration: It wuz so big that it wuz fairly skairful.]
+
+It wuz a St. Bernard; but I told Josiah, "Santi or not, I wouldn't want
+to meet it alone in the back lane in the evenin'."
+
+It would skair a young child into fits to go through this department;
+some of them wild creeters look so ferocious, especially the painters,
+they made my blood fairly curdle.
+
+Wall, we stayed here for some time, or until my ear-pans seemed to be
+ruined for life. And then we had a little time on our hands, and Josiah
+proposed that we should go out on the water and take a short voyage to
+rest off. I gin a glad consent, and we sot off.
+
+Wall, after bein' on the water a little while, I begun to feel so much
+rested that I proposed that we should row round to the other end of the
+park, and pay attention to some of the State Buildin's.
+
+"For," sez I, "if the different countries should hear on't that I have
+been here all this while, without payin' 'em any attention, they will
+feel hurt." And sez I, "I had ruther give a cent than to have Great
+Britain feel hurt, and lots of the rest on 'em.
+
+"And then," sez I, "it hain't right to slight 'em, even if they never
+heard on't."
+
+"Oh, shaw!" sez Josiah, "I guess that they would git along if you didn't
+go at all; I guess that they hain't a-sufferin' for company this year."
+
+"But," sez I with dignity, "this is a fur different thing, and as fur as
+our own United States Buildin's are concerned, I feel bound to 'em,
+bein' such a intimate friend to their Father-in-law."
+
+"What do you mean?" sez Josiah.
+
+"Why, Uncle Sam," sez I--"U.S. Epluribus Unim."
+
+Agin he sez, "Oh, shaw!" But I held firm, and at my request the boat
+headed that way.
+
+And we landed as nigh 'em as we could.
+
+You see, all the United States, and most of the Foreign Countries, have
+a separate buildin', mostly gin up to social and friendly purposes,
+where natives of that State and country can go in and rest, and
+recooperate--see some of their friends, and so on, and so forth.
+
+Wall, we laid out to pay attention to a lot on 'em that day.
+
+But, as it turned out, we didn't go to but jest three on 'em, the
+reasons of which I will set down, and recapitulate.
+
+I felt that we _had_ to go to New York and Illinois. Loyalty and
+Politeness stood on both sides of us, a-leadin' us to the home of our
+own native State, and the folks we wuz a-visitin'; and we found New York
+a perfect palace, modelled after an Italian one. And the row of green
+plants a-standin' on the ruff all round made it look real uneek and
+dretful handsome. And inside it wuz fitted up as luxurious as any palace
+need to be, with a banquet hall eighty-four feet long and forty-six feet
+high; a glow of white, and gold, and red, and crystal.
+
+Yes, the hull house wuz pleasant and horsepitable, as become the
+dwellin' place of the Empire State.
+
+And Illinois! You might know what you'd expect to find inside, when you
+see what they had outside on't.
+
+That statute, "Hide and Seek," before the entrance, wuz, I do believe,
+the very best thing I see to the hull Fair--
+
+Five little children with merry, laughin' faces a-playin' at hide and
+seek in a broken gray old stump, and flowers, and vines, and mosses
+a-runnin' round it and over it as nateral as life.
+
+Wall, I stood before that beautiful object till Josiah had to draw me
+away from it almost by main force.
+
+But inside it come my time to draw him away.
+
+When we see that picter of the old farm made in seeds, he wuz as rooted
+to the spot as if he intended to remain sot out there, and grow up with
+the State.
+
+[Illustration: He wuz rooted to the spot.]
+
+And it wuz a dretful interestin' sight--the farm-house, the barns, the
+well, the old windmill, the long fields a-stretchin' back, and fenced
+off, with different crops on 'em, the good-lookin' men and wimmen, and
+the horses, with their glossy hides and silky manes and tails, and all
+made of different kinds of seeds and grasses. It wuz a sight to see the
+crowd that stood before that from mornin' till night, and you ask ten
+folks what impressed 'em the most at the Fair, and more'n half on 'em
+would most likely say that it wuz that seed picter in the Illinois
+Buildin'. Over one side on't wuz draped sunthin' that I took to be the
+very richest silk or velvet, all fringed out with a deep fringe on the
+end on't. But it wuz all made of grasses of different kinds--the idee!
+Fifteen young ladies of Illinois made that, and they done first-rate. I
+want 'em to know what I think on't, and what Josiah duz.
+
+Wall, inside the buildin' wuz full and runnin' over with beautiful
+objects--lovely picters, noble statuary, beautiful works of art and
+industry done by the sons and daughters of the State.
+
+It would take more'n a week to do any justice to it. Illinois done
+splendid. I want her to know how I appreciated it. She'll be glad to
+know how riz up I felt there.
+
+Wall, when we left there we had a little dialogue--not mad exactly, but
+earnest.
+
+I wanted to go and see Great Britain, and Josiah wanted to go to Vermont
+(he has got a third cousin a-livin' there, and he wanted to see him).
+"Wall," sez I, "we've got a mother to tend to; the Mother Country calls
+for a little filial attention."
+
+"Oh, shaw!" sez he; "I guess you feel more related than they do; and,"
+sez he, "I shall go to Vermont. Mebby I shall meet Bildad Allen right
+there in the settin'-room."
+
+So there it wuz--we wuz both determined. I see by my companion's mean
+that it wouldn't do to insist on Great Britain.
+
+But a woman hates to give in awful. So I suggested makin' a compromise
+on California.
+
+[Illustration: A woman hates to give in awful, so I suggested a
+compromise on California.]
+
+And he agreed to it. He, too, had seen a look of marble determination
+on my mean, and he dassent press the Vermont question too hard.
+
+So we directed our steps towards the California Buildin'. It is a exact
+reproduction of the old Monastery of San Diego, and one hundred thousand
+square feet is the size on't.
+
+It is full of the products of California. Sech fruit and flowers I never
+see, and don't expect to agin.
+
+The flowers wuz gorgeous, and perfectly beautiful, and I spoze, though I
+don't really want to twit 'em of it, yet I do spoze they brought every
+mite of fruit out of California for this occasion. I don't spoze there
+wuz a orange left there, or a grape, nor anything else in the line of
+fruit. Mebby there might a been one or two green oranges left, but I
+doubt it.
+
+And as for canned and dried fruit, I don't spoze there wuz a teacupful
+left in the hull State.
+
+Why, jest think of the dried prunes it must have took to make that horse
+that wuz rared up there seven feet from the floor!
+
+And wuzn't that horse a sight to see?--jest as nateral as though he wuz
+made of flesh instead of fruit.
+
+I hearn, but mebby it come from some of their own folks--but I hearn
+that California had the best exhibits of all kinds of any of the States.
+But I wouldn't want it told from me. I don't want to git thirty or
+forty States mad as a hen at me; the States are dretful touchy, anyway,
+in the matter of State Rights and pride.
+
+But the show wuz impressive--dretful.
+
+This house wuz built, I spoze, in honor of Spain, like a old Spanish
+Mission Buildin'; and up in the towers which rise up on the four corners
+are belfrys, in which are some of the old Spanish bells, that still ring
+out and call to prayers, when the good old Fathers that used to hear
+'em, and the Injun converts, generations and generations of 'em, have
+slept so sound that the bells can't wake 'em.
+
+And the bells still swing out over this restless and ambitious
+generation, and they will swing and echo jest the same when we too have
+gone to sleep, and sleep sound.
+
+Queer, hain't it, that a little dead lump of metal should outlive the
+beatin' human heart--the active, outreachin' human life, with its
+world-wide activities and Heaven-high aspiration?
+
+But so it is; generations and generations are born, live, and die, and
+the old bells, a-takin' life easy, jest swing on, and ring out jest as
+sweet and calm and kinder careless at our death as at our birth.
+
+The bells sounded dretful melancholy and heart achin' to me; that day
+they seemed to be soundin' a requiem clear from California to
+Jonesville for the good Man who had passed away.
+
+Jest as we went down the steps we hearn a bystander a-tellin' another
+one "that Leland Stanford wuz dead." And I wuz fearful rousted up about
+it; I felt like death to hear on't; and to think that I never had a
+chance to tell him what I thought on him. I was fearful agitated, and
+almost by the side of myself; but jest at that juncture--jest as I sez
+to Josiah, "I shouldn't felt so bad if I had had a chance to tell him
+what I thought on him, and encourage him in his noble doin's, and warn
+him in one or two things"--jest at that minit, sez Josiah, "I've lost my
+bandanny handkerchief;" and he told me, "To wait there for him, that he
+thought that he remembered where he had dropped it--back in a antick
+room in the back part of the house."
+
+And I thought more'n like as not that wuz the last I should see of him
+for hours and hours, the crowd wuz so immense and the search wuz so
+oncertain.
+
+But it wuz a good new handkerchief--red and yeller, with a palm-tree
+pattern on it--and I couldn't discourage him from huntin' for it.
+
+And jest as he turned to go back, he sez--
+
+"Why, if there hain't Deacon Rogers of Loontown!"
+
+And he advanced onto a good-lookin' man, who wuz a-standin' some
+distance off.
+
+My pardner put out his hand and stepped forward with a glad face till he
+got to within three feet of him, and then his gladness died out, and he
+looked meachin'.
+
+It wuzn't Rogers. And my pardner jest turned on his tracks, and
+disappeared round the buildin'. A bystander who wuz a-standin' by spoke
+up and sez:
+
+"That is Governor Markham, of California."
+
+"Why'ee!" sez I, "is that so?" and then the thought come to me that the
+pityin' Providence that had removed Senator Stanford from my
+encouragement, and warnin', had throwed this man in my way.
+
+I see in a minit what would be expected of me both by the nation and by
+my own Gardeen Angel of Duty.
+
+I must encourage him by tellin' him what I thought of the noble doin's
+of one of his folks, and I must warn him on a few things, and git him to
+turn round in his tracks.
+
+So I advanced, and accosted him.
+
+He was a-standin' out a little ways to one side a-lookin' up to the
+handsome front of the house, and I sez to him, in a voice nearly
+tremblin' with emotion--
+
+"I have wanted to tell you, Governor Markham, how I feel, and how Josiah
+feels."
+
+He turned round and looked kinder surprised, but good-natered, and I see
+then that he wuz a real good-lookin' man, and sez he--"Who is Josiah?"
+
+And I sez, "My own pardner. I am Josiah Allen's Wife."
+
+And as I sez this, bein' very polite, I kinder bowed my head, and he
+kinder bowed his head too. We appeared real well, both on us.
+
+And sez I, "We feel it dretful, the passin' away and expirin' of one of
+your folks."
+
+And sez he, "You allude to Senator Stanford?"
+
+And I sez, "Yes; when I think of that noble school of hisen that he has
+sot up there in your great State--the finest school in the world for
+poor boys and poor girls, as well as rich ones--when I think what that
+great educational power is a-goin' to do for the children of this great
+country, rich and poor, I think on him almost by the side of Christopher
+Columbus. For if Christopher discovered a new world, Senator Stanford
+wuz a-takin' the youth of this country into a new realm--a-sailin' 'em
+out into a new world, and a grander one than they'd any idee
+on--a-sailin' 'em out on the great ship of his magnificent Charity; and
+that Ship," sez I, in a kind of a tremblin' voice, "wuz wafted out at
+first on the sombre wings of a heart-breakin' sorrow; but they grew
+white," sez I--"they grew silver white as that great Ship sailed on and
+on.
+
+"And up through the cloudless blue overhead I believe an angel looks
+down smilin'ly and lovin'ly on what has been done, and what is a-doin'
+now--that youth whose tender heart, while he walked with man, wuz so
+tender and compassionate to the poor, and so wise to help 'em."
+
+The Governor showed plain in his good-lookin' face how deeply he felt
+what I said, and I hastened to add--
+
+"I wanted to thank him who is gone for this great and noble work; and as
+he has passed on beyend this world's praise, or blame, I want to tell
+you about it, seein' that you're at the head of the family.
+
+"I speak," sez I, "in the name of Jonesville!"
+
+"Whose name?" sez he.
+
+And I sez, "My own native land, Jonesville, nigh to Loontown, seven
+milds from Zoar."
+
+"Oh!" sez he.
+
+"Yes," sez I, "Jonesville wuz proud of his doin's, and she thinks a
+sight of California.
+
+"But in one thing she feels bad: she don't want California to make so
+much wine; she wishes you'd stop it.
+
+"She's proud of your fruit, your flowers, your big trees, and other
+products, but she wishes you'd stop makin' so much wine. Jonesville
+wouldn't care if you made a couple of quarts for sickness or jell, but
+she feels as if she couldn't bear to see you swing out and make so
+much." Sez I, "Jonesville and I want you to stop makin' it--we want you
+to like dogs."
+
+And then sez I, in still firmer axents, "It hain't a-settin' a good
+example to the schoolchildren in Palo Alto and the United States."
+
+He looked real downcasted and sad, some as if he'd never thought on't in
+that light before.
+
+He didn't really promise me, but I presoom to say that he won't never
+make another drop.
+
+But his face looked dretful deprested. I see that he felt it deeply to
+think I had found fault with him.
+
+But to resoom. Sez I--for here my gardeen angel hunched me hard and told
+me that here wuz a chance to do good--mebby the Governor could carry out
+the wishes of him that wuz gone--sez I, "Another great thing that
+Jonesville and I approve of wuz Senator Stanford's bill about lendin'
+money." Sez I, "There never wuz a better bill brought before America,
+and if Uncle Sam don't pass it, he hain't the old man I think he is.
+
+"For," sez I, "jest take the case of Jim Widrig alone; that would pay
+for the trouble of passin' it.
+
+"He has got a big farm of more'n two hundred acres, but the land is all
+run down--he can't raise nothin' on it hardly, it needs enrichin' so; he
+hain't no stock, and, as he often sez, 'If I should run in debt for 'em,
+we should soon be landed in the Poor-House.' He's got a wife and seven
+boys.
+
+"Wall, now if he could only borry 2000 dollars of Uncle Sam, and only
+pay forty dollars a year for it--why, they would be jest made.
+
+"They could put on twenty young cows on the place, two good horses, and
+go right on to success, for Jim is hard-workin', and Mahala Widrig is
+one of the best hard-workin' wimmen in the precincks of Jonesville, and
+I don't believe she has got a second dress to her back."
+
+The Governor murmured sunthin' about a engagement he had. He looked
+worried and anxious, but I and my Gardeen Angel hadn't no idee of
+lettin' him go while there wuz a chance for us to plead for the Right.
+
+And I hastened to say, "Uncle Sam needn't be 'fraid of lendin' money on
+that farm, for it is there solid, clear down to China; it can't run
+away."
+
+The Governor kinder moved off a little, as if meditatin' flight, and I
+spoke up some louder, bein' determined to do all I could for Mahala
+Widrig--good, honest, hard-workin' creeter.
+
+Sez I, "It will be the makin' of Jim Widrigses folks and more'n fifty
+others right there round Jonesville, to say nothin' about the hull of
+the United States; and it will be money in Uncle Sam's pocket, too, in
+the end, and he will own up to me that it is."
+
+The Governor here took out his watch and looked at it almost onbeknown
+to me, I wuz so took up a-talkin' for Justice and Mahala.
+
+[Illustration: The Governor took out his watch.]
+
+Sez I, "This bill will bring money into Uncle Samuel's pocket in the
+end, for it will keep the boys to hum on the old farm." Sez I, "It is
+Poverty that has driv the boys off--hard work, high taxes, and ruinous
+mortgages drives to the city lots of 'em, to add to the pauper and
+criminal classes--boys that Uncle Sam might have kep to hum by the means
+I speak of, to grow up into sober, respectable, prosperous citizens, a
+strength and a safeguard to the Republic, but whom he now will have to
+support in prisons and almshouses, a danger and menace to the Goverment.
+
+"Poor Uncle Sam!--poor, well-meanin', but oft misguided old creeter! It
+would be easier for him, if he only knew it, to do what Mr. Stanford
+wanted him to.
+
+"Besides, think of the masses of fosterin' crime he would be a-pressin'
+back and a-turnin' into good, pure influences to bless the world! And
+besides, the oncounted gain to Heaven and earth! Uncle Sam would git the
+two-cent mortgages back a dozen times in the increase of taxable
+property."
+
+The Governor murmured agin that he wuz wanted to once, in a distant part
+of the city--he must start for California imegatly, and on the next
+train. Sez he incoherently, "That school wuz about to open; he must be
+to the University to once."
+
+He wuz nearly delirious--I spoze he wuz nearly overcome by my remarkable
+eloquence, but don't know.
+
+But as he sot off, a-movin' backward in a polite way but swift, entirely
+onbeknown to him he come up aginst a big tree, and with a hopeless look
+of resignation he leaned up aginst it, while I, a-feelin' that
+Providence had interfered to give me another chance at him, advanced
+onwards, and sez to him in a real eloquent way, "That bill will do more
+than any amount of beggin', or jawin', or preachin', towards keepin' the
+boys to hum on the old deserted farms that are so thick in the country;
+and," sez I, "now that bill has fell out of his hands, I want you to
+take it up and pass it on to success."
+
+Sez I, "Let Uncle Sam and you go out, as I have, in the country byroads
+in Jonesville, and Loontown, and Zoar, and you'll both gin in that I'm
+a-tellin' the truth."
+
+Sez I, "If it hain't a pitiful sight in one short mornin's ride to go by
+more'n a dozen of them poor deserted old homes, as I have many a time,
+and I spoze they lay jest as thick scattered all over the State and
+country as they do round Jonesville."
+
+Sez I, "To see them old brown ruffs a-humpin' themselves up jest as
+lonesome-lookin' and cold--no smoke a-comin' out of the chimblys to
+cheer 'em up--to see the bare winders a-facin' the west, and no bright
+eyes a-lookin' out, nor curly locks for the sunlight to git tangled
+in--to see the poor old door-step a-settin' there alone, as if a-tellin'
+over its troubles to the front gate, and that a-creakin' back to it on
+lonesome nights or cold, fair mornin's--
+
+"And the old well-sweep a-pintin' up into the sky overhead, as if
+a-callin' Heaven to witness that it wuzn't to blame for the state of
+things--
+
+"And the apple trees, with low swingin' branches, with no bare brown
+feet to press on 'em on the way up to the robin's nest overhead--empty
+barns, ruins, weedy gardens, long, lonesome stretches of paster and
+medder lands--
+
+"Why, if Uncle Sam could look on sech sights, and have me right by him
+to tell him the reason on't--to tell him that two thousand dollars lent
+on easy interest would turn every one of them worthless, decayin' pieces
+of property into beautiful, flourishin', prosperous homes, he'd probable
+feel different about passin' the bill from what he duz now--
+
+[Illustration: "If Uncle Sam could have me right by him to tell him
+the reason."]
+
+"When I told him that most generally out behind the barn, and under the
+apple trees and gambrul ruff, wuz crouchin' the monster that had sapped
+the life out of the hum--the bloated, misshapen form of a mortgage at
+six per cent, and that old, insatiable monster had devoured and drinked
+down every cent of the earnin's that the hull family could bring to
+appease it with--
+
+"It would open its snappin' old jaws and swaller 'em all down, and then
+set down refreshed but unappeased to wait for the next earnin's to be
+brung him.
+
+"Wall, now, if they could pay off that mortgage, and git rid of it, they
+could walk over its prostrate form into prosperity; they could afford to
+lighten up the bare poverty of a country farm, so repellin' to the
+young, with some touches of brightness. Books, music, good horses,
+carriages would preach louder lessons of content to the children than
+any they would hear from their pa's or ma's or ministers.
+
+"They would love their hums--would make them yield, instead of ruin and
+depressin' influences, a good income to themselves, and good tax-payin'
+property to help Uncle Sam--
+
+"Decrease vice, increase virtue--lead away from prisons and almshousen,
+lead toward meetin'-housen, and the halls of justice, mebby. For in the
+highest places of trust and honor in the United States to-day is to be
+found the sons and daughters of country homes."
+
+Here, at jest this juncture, my umbrell fell out of my hand, and it
+brung my eyes down to earth agin; for some time, entirely onbeknown to
+me, I had been a-lookin' up into the encirclin' heavens, and a-soarin'
+round there in oratory.
+
+But as my eyes fell onto the Governor, I noticed the extreme weariness
+and mute agony on his liniment; he picked up my umbrell and handed it to
+me, and sez he, a-speakin' fast and agitated, as if in fear of sunthin'
+or ruther:--
+
+"Your remarks are truly eloquent, and I believe every word on 'em; but,"
+sez he, "I have an engagement of nearly life and death; I must leave
+you," and he sot off nearly on a run.
+
+And I spread my umbrell and walked off with composure and dignity to
+tackle the next buildin', which wuz Oregon.
+
+But my pardner jined me at that minit with his handkerchief held
+triumphantly in his hand.
+
+And at his earnest request we didn't examine clost any of the State
+buildin's--that is, we didn't go in and look 'em over; but, from the
+outside view, we had a high opinion on 'em.
+
+They wuz beautiful and extremely gorgeous, some on 'em.
+
+And they looked real good, too, and wuz comfortable inside, I hain't a
+doubt on't.
+
+I felt bad not to pay attention to every State jest as they come, and I
+know that they'll feel it if they ever hear on't.
+
+But, as Josiah said, there wuz so many to pay attention to 'em, that
+they wouldn't mind so much as if they wuz more alone and lonely.
+
+Wall, Josiah felt as if he'd got to have a bite of sunthin' to eat, and
+so we sot off at a pretty good jog for the nearest restaurant, and there
+we got a good lunch, and after we had done eatin', and Josiah wuz in a
+real good frame of mind, to all human appearance, I sez, "I'm a-goin' to
+see Hatye, if I don't see nothin' else."
+
+And Josiah sez, "Where is Hatye?"
+
+And I sez, "Not but a little ways from the German Buildin'."
+
+And sez he, "Who is Hatye, anyway?"
+
+And I sez, "Hatye is one of the first islands that Columbus discovered,
+and it ort to take a front rank in his doin's, and for lots of other
+reasons, too," sez I. "It is there that we see the exhibit of our
+colored men and bretheren."
+
+We found Hatye a good-lookin' buildin', a story and a half high, with a
+good-lookin' dome a-risin' out of the centre.
+
+And inside on't we found exhibits in fruit, grain, and machinery, and
+all sorts of products, and in the picters and other works of art we see
+that the Hatyeans wuz a-doin' first rate.
+
+And, as I remarked to Josiah, sez I, "If Christopher Columbus stood
+right here by my side, he'd say--
+
+"'Josiah Allen's wife, Hatye has done real well, and I am glad that I
+discovered it.'"
+
+[Illustration: "Josiah Allen's wife, Hatye has done real well, and I
+am glad that I discovered it."]
+
+Wall, that night, when I got back to Miss Plankses, I found a letter
+from Tirzah Ann, and my worst apprehensions I had apprehended in her
+case wuz realized.
+
+She and Whitfield wuzn't a-comin' to the Fair at all.
+
+By the time she got her oyster-shell stockin's done, the weather had
+moderated, so it wuz too cool to wear 'em, and it was too late then to
+begin woosted ones (of course, she could buy stockin's, but she wuz sot
+on havin' hand-made ones, bein' so much nicer, and so much more liable
+to attract respect and admiration)--
+
+And then by that time the weather wuz so variable that she didn't know
+whether to take summer clothes or winter ones, and so she dallied along
+till it got so late that Whitfield didn't dast to take her out at all,
+she wuz so kinder mauger.
+
+She had wore herself all out a-bonin' down and knittin' them stockin's,
+and embroiderin' them night-shirts, and preparin' for the Fair, so they
+gin up comin'.
+
+I felt bad.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXI.
+
+
+Wall, it wuz all settled as I wanted it to be. Them two angels, as I
+couldn't hardly keep callin' 'em, if one of 'em wuz a he angel--them two
+lovely good creeters wuz married right in the place where I wanted 'em
+to be married--right in our parlor, in front of the picter of Grant, and
+not fur back of the hangin' lamp, but fur enough back so's to allow of a
+lovely bell of white roses and lilies to swing over their heads.
+
+The bell wuz made of the white roses, and a fair white lily hung down,
+a-swingin' its noiseless music out into the hearts below--sacred music
+which we all seemed to hear in our inmost hearts as we looked into the
+faces that stood under that magic bell.
+
+Isabelle had on a white muslin gown, plain, but shear and fine, and she
+wore a bunch of white roses at her belt and at her white throat, and she
+carried in her hand a bunch of rare ones.
+
+But it all corresponded, for she wuz the white lily herself, as tall,
+and fair, and queenly.
+
+Only when the words wuz said that made her Tom's wife, her cheeks
+flushed up as no white lily ever did, even under the sun's rosiest rays.
+
+But a sun wuz a-shinin' on her that went beyend any earthly sun--it wuz
+the rays of the great planet Love that illuminated her face, and lit up
+her glorified eyes with the light that wuz never on sea nor on shore.
+
+Her husband looked right into her face all the while the Elder wuz
+a-unitin' 'em, a-lookin' at her as if he could not quite believe in his
+happiness yet--looked at her as one looks at a pearl of great price,
+when he has recovered it after a long loss.
+
+I sez to Josiah, as I see that look on his face--
+
+"Many waters may not quench it, Josiah Allen, nor floods drown it, can
+they?"
+
+And he brung me back to the present by remarkin'--
+
+"I wouldn't bring up drowndins and conflagrations at such a time as
+this, Samantha."
+
+And I sithed and sez to myself, what I have said so many times to she
+that wuz Samantha Smith, in strict confidence--
+
+"How different, how different Josiah Allen and I look at things! And
+still we worship each other, jest about."
+
+Wall, Thomas Jefferson and Maggie wuz there, and Tirzah Ann and
+Whitfield, and the children, and Krit. The two girls, our daughters,
+wuz dressed in white, and the Babe stood up by the bride dressed in
+white, and holdin' a cunnin' little basket of posies in her hand, and
+they all looked pretty, and felt pretty, and acted so.
+
+We had good refreshments to refresh ourselves with, and everything went
+off happy and joyous, as weddings should, and will, if True Love stands
+up with 'em; and she is the only Bridesmaid worth a cent.
+
+(I am aware that it is usual to call Love a he, but I believe in fair
+play, and you may as well call it a she once in a while, specially as
+the female sect are as lovin' agin as the he ones, so I think.)
+
+Wall, they had lots and lots of presents--nice ones too. Mr. Freeman's
+gift to her wuz two diamond and ruby bracelets, that shone on her white
+wrists like sparks of fire and dew.
+
+Them diamonds seemed to be the mates of the ones that had burned on her
+finger ever sence a day or two after they met at the World's Fair.
+
+So you see, though she gin her jewels away in her youth, she found 'em
+agin in her ripe, sweet womanhood. She gin away the jewels of her
+ambition, her glowin' hopes and desires, for a career, and she found 'em
+more than all made up to her.
+
+But the jewels her husband prized most in her wuz the calm light of
+patience, and love, and womanliness that shone on her face. They wuz
+made, them pure pearls of hern, as pearls always are, by long sufferin'
+and endurance, and the "constant anguish of patience."
+
+Krit give her for his gift a beautiful cross of precious stones, and I
+mistrusted, from what I see in her face when he gin it to her, that he
+meant it to be symbolical, and then agin I don't know. But, anyway, she
+wore it a-fastenin' the lace at her white throat.
+
+[Illustration: Krit give her a beautiful cross.]
+
+But I do know that the girls and I gin her some good linen napkins, and
+towels, and table-cloths, and the boys a handsome set of books.
+
+And I do know that the supper afterwards wuz, although well I know the
+impoliteness of my even hintin' at it--I do know, and I should lie if I
+said that I didn't know it, that that supper wuz a good one--as good a
+one, so fur as my knowledge goes, as wuz ever put on a table in the
+town of Lyme, or the village of Jonesville.
+
+And Josiah Allen, he eat too much--fur, fur too much. And I hunched him
+three times to that effect at the time, to no avail.
+
+And once I stepped on his toe--a dretful warnin' steppin'--and he asked
+me out loud and snappish (I hit a corn, I spoze, onbeknown to me)--and
+he asked me right out before 'em all, voyalent, "What I wuz a-steppin'
+on his toe for?"
+
+[Illustration: I stepped on his toe.]
+
+And so, of course, that curbed me in, and I had to let him go on, and
+cut a full swath in the vittles. But it wuz some comfort for me to think
+that most likely he wouldn't be tempted by a weddin' supper agin--not
+for some time, anyway. For the Babe wuz but young yet, and we wuz
+gettin' along.
+
+Yes, that hull weddin' went off perfectly beautiful, and there wuzn't
+but one drawback to my happiness on that golden day that united them two
+happy lovers.
+
+Yes, onbeknown to me a feelin' of sadness come over me--sadness and
+regret.
+
+It wuzn't any worriment and concern about the fate of Isabelle and her
+husband--no; True Love wuz a-goin' out with 'em on their weddin'
+tower, and I knew if he went ahead of 'em, and they wuz a-walkin' in the
+light of his torch, their way wuz a-goin' to be a radiant and a
+satisfyin' one, whether it led up hill or down or over the deep
+waters--yea, even over the swellin' of Jordan.
+
+No, it wuzn't that, nor anything relatin' to the children, or my dress,
+or anything--
+
+No, my dress--a new lilock gray alpaca--sot out noble round my form, and
+my new head-dress wuz foamin' lookin', but it didn't foam too much.
+
+No, it wuzn't that, nor anything about the neighbors--no; they looked
+some envious at our noble doin's, and walked by the house considerable,
+and the wimmen made errents, and borrowed more tea and sugar, durin' the
+preparations, than it seemed as if they could use in two years; but I
+pitied 'em, and forgive 'em--
+
+And it wuzn't anything about the children or Krit.
+
+For the children wuz happy in their happy and prosperous hums, and Krit,
+they say--I don't tell it for certain--but they say that he come back
+engaged to a sweet young girl of Chicago--
+
+Come back from the great New World of the World's Fair, as his
+illustrious namesake went home so long ago, in chains--
+
+Only Krit's chains wuz wrought of linked love and blessedness instead of
+iron--so they say.
+
+I've seen her picter; but good land! how can I tell who or what it is?
+It is pretty as a doll, and Krit seems to think his eyes on it; but he's
+so full of fun, I can't git any straight story out of him.
+
+But Thomas Jefferson says she is a bonny fidy girl--a good one and a
+pretty one, and has got a father dretful well off; and he sez that she
+and Krit are engaged. So I spoze more'n like as not they be.
+
+And I also learnt, through a letter received that very day, that Mr.
+Bolster has led Miss Plank to the altar, or she has led him--it don't
+make much difference. Anyway, she has walked offen the Plank of
+widowhood, and settled down onto a Bolster for life.
+
+[Illustration: Mr. Bolster led Miss Plank to the altar.]
+
+I wuz glad on't. She wanted a companion, and he loves to converse,
+Heaven knows; and he is sure of one thing--he's almost certain, or as
+certain as we can be of anything in this life, that he will have the
+best pancakes that hands can make or spoons stir up.
+
+I learnt also from her letter--Miss Bolster's, knee Plankses--that Nony
+Piddock wuz a-goin into the ministery. What a case for funerals he will
+be, and shockin' casualities! But he won't be good for much on a weddin'
+occasion.
+
+And speakin' of weddin's brings me back to my subject agin.
+
+No, it wuzn't any of these things that cast that mournful shadder on my
+eyebrows, anon, and even oftener, when I wuz out by myself--
+
+And I spoze that I might as well tell what it wuz that I regretted and
+missed--
+
+It wuz Christopher Columbus! the Brave Admiral! good, noble creeter!
+
+I felt, in view of all he had done for America and the world, it wuz too
+bad that he had to die without havin' the privilege of seein'
+Jonesville, and bein' with us that day, and seein' what we see, and
+hearin' what we heard, and eatin' what we eat--
+
+It wuz his doin's, the hull on't wuz Christopher Columbuses doin's. For
+if he hadn't discovered America, why, he wouldn't had no World's Fair
+for him. And then it stands to reason that Josiah and I shouldn't have
+gone to it. And if we hadn't gone to Miss Plankses, Mr. Freeman and
+Isabelle wouldn't have met.
+
+Yes, I felt to lay the praise of it all to that blessed old mariner--I
+felt that I hadn't done nothin' towards it to what he had. And I kep on
+a-sayin' to myself--
+
+"Oh, if he could only have been here, and seen with his own eyes what he
+had done!"
+
+And when I thought how he walked hungry through the streets of Genoa,
+oh, how I did wish he could have had some of my scolloped oysters, and
+pressed chickens, and jell-cake, and tarts, and my heartfelt pity and
+sympathy, to say nothin' of other vittles, and well-meanin' actions
+accordin'.
+
+[Illustration: How I did wish he could have had some of my scolloped
+oysters, and jell-cake, and tarts.]
+
+Of course, I would have been pleased to have had Queen Isabelle and
+Ferdinand there--
+
+There wuz cake enough, and ice-cream, and oysters, and everything. And
+everybody that knows me knows that I hain't one to begrech havin' one or
+two more visitors to wait on and provide for than I had planned havin'.
+
+Yes, I should have been glad to seen 'em, and wait on 'em. But I didn't
+seem to care anything about seein' 'em, compared to my feelin's about
+Christopher Columbus.
+
+Yes, Christopher wuz my theme, and my constant burden of mind.
+
+But I had to gin it up. I couldn't expect a man to live four or five
+hundred years jest to please me, and gratify Jonesville.
+
+No, Columbus wuzn't there. He wuz off somewhere a-discoverin' new
+continents, or planets, mebby.
+
+For I don't believe he crumpled right down, and sot down forever on them
+golden streets.
+
+No; I believe the eager, active mind would be a-reachin' out, a-findin'
+out new truths, new discoveries, so great that it would probable make us
+shet our eyes before the blindin' glory of 'em, if we could only git a
+glimpse of 'em.
+
+But there, in that New World that lays beyend the sunset, he is happy at
+last--blest in the companionship of other true prophetic ones, whose
+deepest strivin's wuz, like his, to make the world better and
+wiser--them who longed for deeper, fuller understandin', and who walked
+the narrer streets of earth, like him, in chains and soul-hunger.
+
+I love to think that now, onhampered by mutinous foes, or mortal
+weakness, they are a-sailin' out on that broad sea of full knowledge,
+and comprehension, and divine sympathy. Lit by the sunshine of infinite
+love, they sail on, and on, and on.
+
+
+THE END.
+
+
+
+
+Other Works by Joshiah Allen's Wife.
+
+
+POEMS.
+
+A Charming Volume of Poetry. Beautifully Illustrated by W. Hamilton
+Gibson and other Artists. Bound in Colors. Square 12mo, 216 pp.
+Cloth, $2.00.
+
+        "Will win for her a title to an honorable place among American
+        poets."--_Chicago Standard._
+
+        "Miss Holley has here more than sustained her previous high
+        literary reputation."--_Interior, Chicago._
+
+
+SAMANTHA AMONG THE BRETHREN.
+
+By "Josiah Allen's Wife." Illustrated. Square 12mo, 452 pp.
+Cloth, $2.50.
+
+        "It is irresistibly humorous and true."--_Bishop John P.
+        Newman._
+
+        "It is as full of meat as an egg.... Calculated to do immense
+        good in that department of woman's rights which relates to her
+        participation in the great work of the Church of Christ, _beyond
+        the scrubbing and papering of the meeting-house_."--_Ex-Judge
+        Noah Davis._
+
+        "It abounds in mingled humor, pathos and inexorable common
+        sense."--_Will Carleton._
+
+        "It is exceedingly entertaining."--_New York Observer._
+
+
+SWEET CICELY;
+
+Or, Josiah Allen as a Politician. A Fascinating Story. Square 12mo, 390
+pp. Cloth, $2.00.
+
+        "The interest of the book is intense.... Never was such a
+        defender of woman's rights, never was such an exponent of
+        woman's wrongs! In Samantha's pithy, pointed, scornful
+        utterances we have in very truth the expression of feelings
+        common to most thoughtful women, well understood among them, but
+        rarely finding voice except in confidential intercourses and for
+        sympathetic ears. Other women besides poor Cicely, and
+        warm-hearted, clear-headed Samantha, and 'humble' Dorlesky eat
+        their hearts out over the injustice of laws that they have no
+        hand in making, and can have no hand in altering, though ruin
+        and agony are their result.... It would be impossible to find in
+        literature anything more pitiful than this story of the struggle
+        of a gentle-natured woman against the dangers which surround her
+        child, and her agony as she realizes her helplessness to avert
+        evil from her fellow-sufferers. If it were not for the strong
+        vein of humor which lightens up the darkest passages, the
+        interest would be too painful. But Samantha intervenes with her
+        quaint epigrams and keen-witted analysis, and lo, a smile
+        broadens before the tear has dried!... Alongside of the fun are
+        genuine eloquence and profound pathos; we scarcely know which is
+        the more delightful."--_The Literary World, London, Eng._
+
+FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY
+PUBLISHERS
+LONDON    NEW YORK    TORONTO
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's Samantha at the World's Fair, by Marietta Holley
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author	Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org>	2025-10-15 04:52:32 -0700
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tree	59502b8d7e2a015173067730259add1a0ad169e1